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Howard started the show talking about being back live. Robin said his voice was very deep. Howard said he has a tremendous amount of testosterone. Howard said he was tested on the air and they say he has more than anyone on the planet. He said he has more than anyone there. He said his balls grew more while they were away. He said he's twice the man Nicole Bass is.
Howard said someone there called Nicole Bass to check in with her. He said they want to know what the Wack Pack is up to. Howard said he likes Robin's new hair. He said it cradles her face properly. He said it's a look she should stick with. Robin thanked him for that. Howard said Fred is staring at her. Fred said he can't take his eyes off her. Howard said it's a good hairdo. Fred said it is. Howard said he wishes Fred had that hairdo.
Howard said he is very excited that today they have Elvis Costello coming in. He said he's a very big fan of his. Robin said he always has been. Howard said he loves this song he wrote about Robin. He played a song parody to the tune of one of his songs. It was ''Ass to Mouth'' to the tune of ''Alison.'' Howard said Elvis will be in today. Howard said Fred wrote a blog on HowardStern.com about Elvis Costello. He said that Fred calls him a genius. Fred said he's a genius squared. He said he takes on all kinds of music. He said he does everything. He said go see him in a show. He said he spins a wheel and plays a song from that. He said that his favorite song is ''Radio, Radio.'' Howard played some of that song. Howard said he saw Jimmy Kimmel on Saturday night and he's a big fan of Elvis Costello too.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will be coming in tomorrow. He said he'll be on Jimmy's show on Friday night. He said he really doesn't want to do the show. He said he'll discuss that with Jimmy tomorrow. Howard said he jotted down some stuff he has to talk to him about. He said he used to do talk shows to promote their show. He said he doesn't have that desire now. He said he feels they're established now though. He said they don't need to do it. Howard said he feels like the real thing is that he did so many talk shows, and some were legendary, that he doesn't want to fuck with that. Howard said he doesn't want to fuck up his track record. Howard said he's going to ask Jimmy why he wants him on the show. He said he doesn't know what he's going to do. Robin said he admires Howard. He wants to bring him to his audience.
Howard said the truth is that when he looks at himself in the mirror he sees a reasonably good looking guy. He said he's married to a model. He said people look at them when they walk in the room. Howard said he has a rock star look. He said when he's in his own bubble and can look at himself in the mirror he doesn't know that people are looking at them going ''How the fuck did he get her?'' Howard said when he's in his own bubble he's living in his own delusion. Howard said when he signed on with America's Got Talent he thought it would be fun. He said the truth is that when he saw the shows played back he got depressed. Howard said he can't get used to his own look. Howard said he has to watch his Jimmy Kimmel show appearance back and he'll see himself. Howard said his mother has even joked ''Beauty and the Beast'' about him and Beth. Howard said he doesn't want to be on TV looking at himself.
Howard said when he signed on with America's Got Talent he had a big meeting about how they were shooting him dead on. Howard said he has to have a special angle. He said he has to be shot from a certain angle to look good. Howard said he's not sure why he looks good from one angle and not another. Howard said all of this looking at himself is horrible. Howard said when he did the movie he saw himself on the big screen and he was like ''Awww... horrible.'' Robin said a camera is not accurate. Howard said that's for sure. He said it's completely fake. Howard said whatever you've seen is completely fake.
Howard said people want to take pictures with him and he says no. He said he's not being rude. He doesn't want to be in anyone's picture. He said he loves to take pictures but he doesn't want to be in them. He said he has this delusion in his head that he looks kind of cute or he's not that bad. He said he watches the playback of America's Got Talent and he thinks Howie is uglier than he is. Howard said when they play it back he's the ugly one and Howie is the beefcake. Howard said they tell him that Heidi has a crush on him but he knows that's bullshit. He said that she's dating a 27 year old. Howard said Heidi has asked him about doing Transcendental Meditation and she asks to come in and watch him do it. Howard said in his mind that means she wants to fuck him. the truth is that she really just wants to learn how to meditate. Howard said she doesn't want to fuck him. Howard said he has it in his mind that because he's successful he's acceptable. Howard said he doesn't want to be that asshole telling people to turn the cameras. Howard said he knows Barbra Streissand does that. He said that he is sick of it himself.
Howard said he has to do Kimmel's show now. He said he watches the old Letterman's when he was on and he can't watch. He said it's like one long chain of sadness. Howard said he had a chip on his shoulder and he was screaming for attention. Howard said he doesn't like seeing himself. He said it's painful. Howard said doing America's Got Talent shouldn't have been painful but he doesn't like the way he looks.
Howard said Memet's grandmother said he looks like a Halloween witch. Howard played a clip of her saying that. Howard said Memet said everyone in his family doesn't like her because of these kind of comments. Howard said that she's just telling it like it is. Howard said she's pointing out everything about him. He said she's like the Babe Ruth of insults.
Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent John Varvatos got him a new wardrobe and he thought he'd look nice. Then he turns on the show and sees himself. He said he might as well have worn a T-shirt. Howard said there are women who are like that. He said he's thinking about one right now. Howard said he won't say who it is. Howard said that he fucked a girl in college like that. Howard said that she was fucking him thinking the same thing about him.
Howard played more of Memet's grandmother talking about his hair and how she thinks it has to be a wig. Howard said Chris Wilding did the same thing with his grandmother. Howard said she liked him more than Memet's grandmother. Howard played a clip of her talking about him. She said Howard is a handsome young man and Memet's grandmother is nuts. Howard said he likes that but he agrees with Memet's grandmother. Howard said Bill Murray doesn't worry about that kind of stuff. Howard said he's in makeup and getting his hair done. Bill doesn't care.
Howard said John Fogerty is giving them a show that they did in 208 so they'll be playing that on Friday night and over the weekend.
Howard said Amy's special was directed by Chris Rock. Howard said it was done very well. They didn't do anything fancy or special but it was done well.
Howard said he's doing Jimmy's show on Friday at the Howard Gillman theater. Howard said he knew Howard Gillman. Howard said he was a big philanthropist. Howard said his family made paper and he was a very charitable guy. Howard said he built this place called White Oak that many big people went to. Howard said they had an animal sanctuary there and he created one of the most beautiful sanctuaries ever. Howard said he also helped a friend of his start a gym. Howard said he was a great guy. Howard said now Jimmy is doing a show from a theater named after the guy.
Howard said the guy was a British guy. Howard said he thinks he was anyway. He said he did have an accent. Howard said his father sounds like he has an accent too so maybe he's not.
Howard said he wants to talk about Nicole Bass. Howard said he was listening to Nicole Bass being interviewed by one of the guys and she looks and sounds like a dude. Howard said she's got a deeper voice than he does. Howard found a clip of her talking about having pneumonia but she says ''ammonia'' instead. Howard said she doesn't know how to say it. Howard goofed on her and Fred did his Herman Munster-like voice for Nicole. Howard played more of Nicole talking about her ''walking ammonia'' and how it was killing her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's excited for the new Star Wars trailer. Howard said there is a new one coming tonight during a football game. Howard said he's happy Star Wars is coming out but he doesn't understand people going to a movie just to see a trailer. Howard said the reason they call the movie trailer a ''trailer'' is because they used to play them at the end of movies. Howard said someone figured that they should play them at the start of the movie so people would have to watch.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to the show a couple of weeks ago and they had Michael Rapaport on the show. He said he sounds just like Hate Man. Howard said Rapaport is on fire. He said he loves how he throws himself into that fantasy football stuff. He said Rapaport is on a mad tear. Howard said he was torturing Gary and JD over the fantasy football. He said now he's putting on a musical. Howard played a bit they created about Rapaport and JD. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he's excited. He said sitting in the studio is Elvis Costello. Howard said look at you. He asked what it's like to be a genius. Elvis said he doesn't think that. He said Howard is his first thought when he wakes up. Howard said congratulations on writing a book himself. Howard said most people write with a ghost writer. Elvis said if he knew that he would have done that. He didn't know. Howard said there must have been times it was frustrating to write. Elvis said he just thought he'd take as long as he had to take to do it.
Howard said Elvis was nominated for a Grammy and he was up against The Cars, Toto and A Taste of Honey and A Taste of Honey won. Howard asked if it mattered to him. Elvis said he really didn't know anything about the Grammy's. He said that someone told him that if you went then you'd win. He said he didn't think it was right if that was true. Howard said that he's blowing the lid off the Grammy's saying they're fixed. Elvis said he doesn't know that to be true.
Howard said that he heard that Elvis was into drinking for a while. Elvis said some people struggle with it. He said you have to wake up one day and say you've had enough. He said he did that 20 years ago. He said he won't make jokes about it though because he has friends who struggle with it. Robin asked if he does nothing now. Elvis said he won't say that.
Howard asked Elvis about his book and found out his editor was named Brant Rumble. Elvis said that's a great name. Howard asked about writing the book and if he left a lot out thinking he would hurt people. Elvis said he did leave some out. He said he didn't give all of the details of his fights and things like that. He said that he wrote about how it ended up in songs. Elvis said that business is similar. He said he was writing about music and how it came out of family. He said he wrote about his family in songs.
Howard said his dad was a successful musician too. Howard said he read about how he had a show on the BBC. Elvis said he worked with a band that played on a show on the BBC. Howard said that must have influenced him. Elvis said that it made him realize that it goes from mundane work to something else.
Howard asked if he was influenced seeing his dad work with other musicians. Elvis said he hasn't sure he could make a living at it. Howard asked if his dad tried to talk him out of it. Elvis said no. He said his dad never said much of anything as far as advice. He said he told stories but not much advice. He said he loved his dad though. He said they didn't spend a lot of time together though. He said his parents split so he wasn't around that much. He said his mom brought him up and taught him right from wrong.
Howard said it must have given him confidence knowing his dad was musical when he got into music. Elvis said that they had a lot of records in the house. He said hid dad had a lot of records in the house because he had to learn how to sing all of those songs for the BBC. He said that his dad had to sing all kinds of songs too. He said that was the only way they heard all of those songs back then. He said they didn't have a lot of recorded music on the BBC back then. He said they had to play it live.
Howard asked if his dad was excited for him when he hit it big. Elvis said that he was. Howard said Elvis' was a member of the Beatles fan club. He asked if he told Paul McCartney that. Elvis said he knows but you don't make a big deal out of it. He said that he was a Beatles guy growing up.
Howard asked when he started playing guitar. Elvis said he had one at 9 but didn't start playing until he was 13. He said if you learn to play guitar in the key of C then you're going to fail. He said the chord of F is one that you actually say the word F. He said it's hard to learn. He said C is easy but F is hard. He said you have to learn F. Howard asked if he reads music. Elvis said he does now but he didn't back then. He said he started learning to read music around 38 or 40. He said it's hard to do anything at that age. He said he wanted to do some different stuff and he had to learn to read music.
Howard asked when he wrote his first song. Elvis said he was 13. He doesn't remember the song but he has it in a notebook he had. He said he doesn't remember the tune. He said he read it and thought that it looked like something a 13 year old would write when he's depressed about a break up. Elvis said it took him no time at all to write it.
Howard asked if Elvis thinks of himself as a poet. Elvis said not really. He said that poets are a different thing. Howard said when you write a song you must think about being laughed at. Howard said you can end up being a taste of honey or someone like that. He said it's a fine line between good music and douchey music. Elvis said you do have that in your head but you can't let it stop you.
Howard said you have to go up on stage before you're famous. Howard said you have to learn how to perform on stage. Elvis said that he wouldn't say that he was doing concerts but he did some shows. He said that they have old ledgers from when they played in 1972 and they were playing from a pub to a catholic girl school. He said they'd get paid from 3 or 4 pounds to nothing.
Howard asked if he played Beatles songs back then. Elvis said they were probably playing stuff like Crosby, Stills and Nash and The Birds. Howard said Stephen Stills is a great guitar player. Elvis said he is. He said he was a friend of Jimi Hendrix and he was playing like Hendrix. Howard said he was fantastic.
Howard asked Elvis about taking a job at a cosmetics company or something. Elvis said he did work as a computer operator at a cosmetics company. He said he wasn't putting makeup on people. Elvis said that Howard is working in a nice comfortable place. He said he had the same thing back then. He said that it was an old style computer and people in the office had to struggle. He said he was in an air conditioned room. He said he wrote his first two records in there. Howard asked if he's good with a computer. Elvis said back then the computer was as big as this studio and it could do less than his phone can do now. He said that they had data cards that he had to feed into the computer. He said it didn't have a screen so it gave a piece of paper with commands on it. Elvis said he used to write his songs on those pieces of paper that came out of the computer.
Howard asked if he was an angry guy because he was afraid of him when he first came out. Elvis said that he's not. Howard asked about who else he liked back in the early days. Elvis said that he liked Alice Cooper too.
Howard said he interviewed John Fogerty and he told him about the bad contract he signed. Howard said that Elvis sent his stuff to a record company. Elvis said he sent it everywhere. Howard said he rejected one deal because it was such a bad deal. Howard said that he thought it was Island Records. Elvis said that he signed with another company because of the kind of money they were going to give him. He said he ended that.
Howard said that he has to learn how to write a song because he has to have a hit record. He said it must be a great experience to be able to go on stage and perform with people mouthing the words to your song. Elvis said you have to do your songs as well as you can. He said people ask him to do old songs and it's a struggle to do it like you did it originally. He said he has learned how to do that though. Elvis said they had pulled the song ''Alison'' out of the playlist because he thought he was making it too easy for people to like them. He said he was very young when he did that. He just wanted to make it harder for people to like him.
Elvis talked about Saturday Night Live and how he played a different song than he had planned to and now he gets blamed for when any musician does something wrong. He said back then no one even saw it because no one had a VCR. Howard said everyone at NBC got pissed off at him for that. Howard asked if he cared about that. Elvis said that Lorne says he didn't really care but the record company was upset. Howard said they said they'd never be back on the show but he was on the show 12 years later. He was on the 25th anniversary show too. He said he was performing with the Beastie Boys. Howard said he didn't sweat it after he did that. Elvis said he flew home and they had more shows to do. He said they didn't really care.
Howard said those things that are controversial at the time end up being played all the time. Elvis said that's what everyone wants. Elvis said back then it was whatever they wrote about in the paper. He said today they have social media. He said that not that many people could have been watching back then.
Howard asked Elvis if he played cover songs when he was starting out. Elvis said of course they did. He said he remembers girls coming up to him asking if they could play Slade and things like that. Howard asked if he ever thought about his look. He said that he wears those glasses for his father. Elvis said that was kind of contrived. He said the glasses were given to him.
Elvis told Howard about working with a band named Clover over in England and how they became Huey Lewis and the News later on. Howard said he did an album with them. Elvis said that album was made with less than a thousand pounds. Howard asked what song they recorded first. Elvis said it was ''Mystery Dance.'' Elvis said that he was using the same guitar that he has now. Not the exact same guitar but the same model. He said his got broken years ago and it took years to find another one. He played a little bit of ''Mystery Dance'' for Howard so he could hear what it sounds like.
Howard said he loves that. Howard asked Elvis about the guys looking at him weird when he would do a different song like that. Elvis said it's not that different. He said he was just trying to steal off songs from the 50s and make it sound different. Howard asked if he was blown away when his song ''Alison'' became a hit. Elvis said that he had a couple of other songs that were doing well. He told Howard about going out and doing shows after that song became a big hit. Elvis said they went and played in London and the record company came up with a scheme to get him a record contract in the U.S. He said they had placards at this hotel and they thought they were doing a protest but it was just a show. He said he ended up doing a dance on that sidewalk with a police officer.
Howard said Elvis was in his cubicle writing the song Alison. Elvis said he's not sure he wrote that one at work. He said he may have written some lyrics. He said he got to look at the girls at the office at the time. He said that's all in the songs. He said that all helps. He said he would stay at work for 36 hours at a time when he was writing his music.
Howard asked Elvis to play some of his song ''Alison'' for him. Elvis said he may have written that one at work. He said that he didn't think he could sing that one at work. He said he heard it being sung differently. Howard said that he hated Alison and he wanted to kill her, right? Elvis said it's a regret song and you know you're going to do them wrong. He said he was writing the same kind of songs that other people were writing. Howard asked if he's happy about the recording of Alison. Elvis said he isn't playing guitar on that one. He said that's a friend of his. He said that guy can play better than him.
Howard asked if Elvis is happy where he is in the world of guitar players. Elvis said he's not a great guitar player. He said he's more of a writer. He said he couldn't get a job as a guitar player. He said he has always been able to work though. He said he's never been out of work since he started.
Howard asked Elvis about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Elvis said that it's wrong that so many bands aren't in there. Howard asked if he has favorite songs. Howard said he must not feel that way about his own songs. Elvis and Howard talked about one of his albums and Howard mentioned a song that was on this album. Elvis said that it's not on that album. Howard said it is. Elvis said that it's only on that album in the U.S. Howard played the song he was talking about which was ''Watching the Detectives.'' They spent a minute talking about that song and how Elvis has done it in many different ways. Howard asked him to play some of that on that guitar he has today. Elvis did that for him.
Howard said that is so fucking great. Howard asked if he would ever put out an album like that just acoustic. Elvis said if people wanted that he would.
Howard asked if a song comes to him does he think God put that in his head. Elvis said that it can be upsetting when a song comes to him. He said the whole song comes to him in his head. He said you put it down before you forget it. Howard asked if he was neurotic about it. Elvis said that he had a whole song come to him while he was on the train on his way to his mother's house. He said he had to get there without hearing anything else. Howard said he must go crazy over that. Elvis said that early on he only had a notebook to write things down. Howard asked if he had things that made him crazy and drove him mad. Elvis said he would sometimes wake up in and write it down and he'd wonder if it was something new or not. He said he eventually got a Dictaphone to record it so he could remember it. He said if you let something get away that would drive him mad.
Howard asked if he still wakes up and hears songs every day. Elvis said it's not every day. He said that over the past couple of years they will come to him once in a while. He said they just come out all at once.
Elvis said that he got into rock and roll so he doesn't have to have a job. Howard said that if you lock yourself in a room then it could be a horrible experience. Elvis said that you can't make a rule book.
Howard said that this song ''Radio, Radio'' is one of his favorites. He played a little bit of that. Elvis said that song was not a new song when he put it out. He said he had another version of it that he changed. He said it was a romantic song about radio. He told Howard about some of the songs he heard that influenced him. He said he changed it into a song about how fucked up things were. He said it was about radio over in England. He said that he hadn't been to the U.S. yet. He said people thought it was about radio there in the states. He said they got to sing it on the BBC though.
Howard said that he has a lot of hits on this album. He said that ''Pump it Up'' was on that album too. Elvis said he heard that they used that song during a Patriots game and he thinks it was about this deflated ball thing. He said he really didn't know about that story though. He said he really didn't have that in mind when he wrote the song. Howard played some of ''Pump It Up'' and spent a minute talking to Elvis about that. Howard said this is rock and roll right there.
Howard said when he started in radio he was working at a progressive rock station. He said he didn't think he was hip compared to the other DJs there. Howard said he would play Elvis Costello songs there to legitimize him as a DJ. Elvis said it's been his pleasure.
Howard asked Elvis to perform ''(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love and Understanding'' for him. Elvis told Howard about that song and played it a short time later.
After the song Howard asked how he takes care of his throat. Elvis said that he learned to put water and a bit of dish soap in a water bottle sprayer and spray that in your throat. He said it sounds disgusting but it works.
Howard said he has so many songs to ask about. Howard said he had hit after hit. Howard played some of ''Accidents will Happen'' and said he must be so proud of himself. Elvis said they have a lot of people who contributed to his songs. He said that he's been able to work with so many great musicians and it's all a collaboration.
Howard said that Elvis has written with Paul McCartney. He said that must be intimidating. Howard asked what Paul's process is like. Elvis said they'll have a beginning for a song and they'll help each other out. He said Paul helped him out with a song he was writing and he's helped Paul. Howard asked him how he would do that. He asked him to demonstrate that on the guitar. Elvis said he would play some of the song and Paul would suggest something and they'd either use it or reject it. Howard asked if you can reject something that Paul suggests. Elvis said of course you can. He said that it was just making a dialog.
Howard asked if he developed a personal relationship with Paul. Elvis said that Paul and his wife Linda were great. Howard asked if he wishes they had video of those meetings. Elvis said that can take away from it if you do that. He said he'd rather have the photo that Linda took of them talking.
Howard asked Elvis to sing a little bit of ''Every Day I Write the Book.'' Elvis did that for him and gave him examples of how he has performed the song.
Howard said that was beautiful. He asked what the best thing about being a rock star is. Elvis asked if he's really a rock star. He said Howard is more of one than he is. Howard said he is a rock star though. Elvis said he's a rock and roll singer. Robin asked who is a rock star. Elvis said Tommy Lee and Mick Jagger. He said Mick is most certainly a rock star. He said they played with the Rolling Stones once and they were playing in October when it was cold out. He said that Mick and Keith were all bundled up playing out there. He said Mick was in silk pajamas on stage. He said that's a rock star.
Howard asked about Mick and Keith's relationship and if he thinks it hurts that Keith talks about Mick the way he does. Elvis said that they grew up together. He said he doesn't have any relationships like that. Howard said it's just mind blowing that they can't get along.
Howard asked Elvis if he likes any of the new music out there. Elvis said he does but he doesn't talk about it because then the band will be asked about it all the time. Howard asked if he's glad he's not starting out now. He said it would be so tough. Elvis said that he did alright when he was coming up but a lot of the records made in the 50s were bought out completely for 50 bucks. He said he came out when things were okay. He said he thinks he's doing okay. Howard said Elvis Presley did that with a lot of artists when he'd buy a song cheap and use it as his own. Howard said that's not right. Elvis agreed.
Howard gave Elvis a plug for his book ''Unfaithful Music & Disappearing Ink'' and for his web site ElvisCostello.com
Howard asked what song he remembers hearing first on the radio. Elvis said he thinks it was ''Accidents will Happen.'' He said that they were in their van and heard the song. He said they yelled out the window that it was their song but no one cared. He said they had 900 stations at the time so no one was listening to the same thing.
Howard said that it must be great when the girls start noticing you after you have a hit song. Elvis said that's never really happened. Howard said he has to be joking about that.
Howard thanked Elvis for coming in so early. Elvis said he's up early often. He said it's not that early for him. Howard said when he's touring it must be different. Elvis said it is. Howard gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard said he has some songs in his head. He said he'd like to collaborate with Paul McCartney. Howard said he imagines playing him songs and watching his face as they play. Howard said they had Pharrell on the show years ago before he was a big star. Howard said he went into a studio and had Pharrell produce a song for him. Howard said that Pharrell took the stuff he recorded and thought that they were nuts asking him to do something with it.
Howard said he is still mesmerized by Yoko Ono's yelling and screaming thing. Howard said she had the idea to do something recently where she wanted to do a giant peace sign. Howard said they expected 5,000 people to show up but only 2,000 showed. Howard said that's still too many. He said they sent Memet down there to talk to the people who showed up. Howard said they asked the people about Yoko songs that don't exist and they would say they liked them as long as Yoko wrote them.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about fractals and where we are in the universe. Howard said this is the kind of guy you expect to show up to something like that.
Howard played another clip of Memet talking to a guy about crying. The guy talked about how there are different types of tears. Howard said they had some fun after that. He said in this clip they took Wendy the Slow Adult and had her making weird sounds and told the people that it was a Yoko song. Howard said the fans like it as long as they think it's Yoko. Howard played the clip and the guy said he would buy the album if that was Yoko. It was just Wendy making sounds to some music.
Howard said they took another clip of Fred's door slamming clip along with Yoko screaming. Will Murray came in and said that it's the door sound with a bear eating a deer. That's the sound in the track. Howard played Memet playing that for someone and the guy had some thoughts on what the song means. Then Memet played another song that they put Yoko's screaming over and the guy had thoughts on what that means. He said it was brilliant.
Howard said they're finally brilliant. He said they did write that. Howard said Yoko is taking that deer on the road with her. Howard said in this next clip they took audio of Sal and Gary playing trumpet to make another song. They took Sal screaming ''My Cock is gone!'' and sped it up. The guy they interviewed said it was extraordinary.
Howard said people think it's genius if they tell them it's Yoko. Howard played another interview they did with a woman who gave her thoughts on the songs. She said she would buy that album.
Howard played another clip of Memet talking to a woman about the fake songs. The woman had thoughts on those songs. Howard said it reminds him of college when they'd discuss the meanings of movies. Howard said you just make up anything and people go ''Yeah, right.''
Howard said Memet told him that this last woman was hot. Howard asked Memet if she was the only hot woman there that day. Memet came in and said it attracts a lot of older people. He said this woman was the cutest one there. Memet said that he would have asked her out if he wasn't doing that bit.
Howard said Bill Cosby has been accused of raping so many women that he's lost track of the number. Howard said Memet has an enormous tattoo on his back that says ''Gangster of Love.'' Howard said he's not sure what he's doing with that. Howard said he loves Memet and thinks he's good and creative but then he sees that tattoo and he thinks he's nuts. Howard said Memet is so not a gangster of love.
Memet came in and said he wants to explain it. He said the tattoo is really bad. He said he's not sure that he can even see it. He showed it to Howard. Howard said imagine seeing that. Howard told him to show it to Robin. Robin said that's hysterically bad. Fred played the ''Shame'' clip from Game of Thrones. Howard asked what that's about. Memet said when he was in the military he was drunk and they went to a tattoo parlor. He said he saw it written on the wall and he laughed. He said he wasn't getting laid at the time. He said it was a joke. He said now he can't take his shirt off because people will think he's an asshole. Howard said he should change it or make up a story about it. Howard said he can talk about being in jail and the other gangsters there respected him more.
Howard said it's not a cool tattoo. Memet said he knows. He said he's embarrassed by it. He said he'd like to get it covered up. He said it's really bad. Howard said Yoko called in and said she thinks he's a dick. Memet said he has to explain it to every new girl he meets. He said it's really embarrassing. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
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Howard said Beth told him that Jimmy and Molly wanted to go see this play ''Hamilton'' and he has heard nothing about it. Howard said if it was about George Hamilton the tan actor he might go see it. Howard said that might be interesting. Howard said it's about President Hamilton. Howard said he's not sure when he was president but he's way back in history. Howard asked who gives a shit. Gary said that Jason says that Hamilton created our entire economy. Howard started to sing about the economy. Gary said it's also a hip hop musical. He asked if the white guy playing Hamilton is doing hip hop. Gary said they have a guy there who saw it.
Howard said at one point George Hamilton was mad at him and wanted to kick his ass. He said he knows karate apparently.
Nick came in and told Howard about seeing Hamilton. He said it's kind of like a great immigrant story. He said Alexander Hamilton wasn't president. He said it was about one of the founding fathers. He said they do a hip hop battle in the play.
Fred gave a little bit of history about Hamilton and Howard asked Nick about the play. Howard said he'd rather see a play about Linda Hamilton.
Howard asked Nick if he has any shitty tattoos. Nick said he doesn't. He said he's thinking about it though. Howard said they should all get the same bad tattoo. Howard said Robin first, then the rest of them back out .
Howard said Beth told him about this play and how Jimmy and Molly wanted to go see the play. Howard said he would rather kill himself. Howard said he'd rather go to dinner with Jimmy and Molly and chill. Howard said Beth said they had to go. Howard said he can't be a complete buzz kill every time. Howard said he has to fart and pee during a show and he can't pee in front of people so it's a nightmare. He said if he goes out to eat he can't drink a lot of water because he can't pee. He said he doesn't want to go to a play. He said he doesn't care about the play. He said he doesn't want to go to any play ever.
Howard said the whole time he was on vacation he was in Florida. He said he keeps his mouth shut about the play. He said it's hard to live with him. Howard said Beth is a good sport though. He said he was bumming out the whole time thinking about it. He said they get back from Florida and then he hears that something happened with the Hamilton tickets. He said he went ''Yesss!'' He's glad he doesn't have to sit through that shit play. He said maybe it's good but he's glad he doesn't have to sit through it.
Howard said that the Larry David play was fine because there was no music. Howard said he liked Hedwig and the Angry Inch too but it's still a pain in the ass. Howard said he was so glad when it didn't happen. He said he turned to Jimmy about it and Jimmy was glad too. He said it was Beth and Molly who cooked up this fucking thing to go to the theater.
Howard said he heard through the grapevine that Jimmy had the tickets and then Oprah called up and asked for tickets and they took Jimmy's to give to Oprah. Howard said they call that something. Robin said it's like stealing. Howard said it's like a cuckold. He said Oprah saved him.
Howard said Nick looks like he's bummed about this. Nick said it's a good play. Howard said he heard he's a play buff. He asked if he's gay. Nick said he's not. Robin said they should go out together. Howard said the guys in the office think Nick is obsessed with Robin. Nick said he thinks he could beat Robin in a Robin trivia contest. Nick said he knows the name of the guy who gave her anal. His name is Audrey. Robin said ''Oh my god.'' Howard said that he won't be going anywhere with Robin. Nick said he's not in love with her. He said he is a big fan of her's. He said he's fascinated with her. Robin asked what's fascinating about her. Howard said everything is fascinating about her. Howard said they were talking about Robin on Saturday night. Howard said he didn't bring her up. Jimmy did. Howard said Jimmy will tell her tomorrow. Howard said he has something so fascinating that he can't get over it.
Howard said he's so happy Oprah got him out of that. He said it's kind of fucked up that she got those tickets though. Howard said that he wants to thank those people for deciding that Oprah is more important. Howard said Jimmy had them and he's in a better position to promote that show. Howard said they'll talk to Jimmy about it tomorrow. Howard said they have to ask him how he found out about Oprah. He said he could be wrong about that story. Howard said Oprah has put on a little weight. Howard said they say she needed both tickets for herself. Howard said he takes that back since he owes her a favor. Howard said she did him the biggest solid of his life. Howard said he never liked going to the theater. Nick said he's sure if Howard went they'd be talking about him in the paper.
Howard said if they give you free tickets they should be able to critique you. Nick said they were really upset about Madonna texting through the show. Howard said they should be upset about that. He said it's rude.
Howard asked if Nick would want to go to a play or do a one on one dinner with her. Nick said he'd like to just hang out with her. Howard asked what he'd like to ask her about. Nick wasn't sure. Howard asked what he would say to her at dinner. Nick said he'd like to know what her day to day life is like. Howard said be careful what you ask. Howard said he may find out. Robin said tonight she's meeting friends for a bite. She said that she's going out with a husband and wife. Robin said she's not going out with a coven or anything. Howard asked where they're going. Robin asked if she has to tell him everything. Robin said she's just hanging out. Howard said she must be doing something fucked up or new age. Robin laughed. Robin told him not to worry about it. She said they're all getting together to do enemas. Howard said she must be doing something crazy. Robin told him to stop worrying about it. Howard said they're up to something and it has to be a fucked up new age thing. Robin said it's not. She said it's something normal.
Howard said Robin has done some weird stuff. Howard said he wishes he could regulate her life. Robin told him to leave her alone. Howard said she is fascinating. Robin said that she's not doing what Lamar Odom is doing. Howard said he thinks Nick is in love with Robin. He let him go after that.
Howard said he was lucky he was at a Dennis Hof whore house. He said most whore houses would keep charging him while he was passed out. Howard said there are a lot of questions to ask about that.
Howard said his mother would get so upset if they called her about him passing out from herbal Viagra. Howard went into his impression of his mother and father talking about that. He had them talking about his giant boner and how they had to hit it with a hammer to get it to go down. Howard kept that going for a few minutes. Howard had his mother talking about the erection taking someone's eye out. He had his dad freaking out about it too. Howard said that's why you'll never find him doing something like that. He had his mother giving advice to Lamar Odom and the girls he was with. He had his mother asking his father if he ever took Viagra. Ben told Ray that he just looks at her tits. That's his Viagra. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about Playboy's plan to stop putting naked women in the magazine. Howard said he gets the magazine and he's kind of sick of the girls in there. He said he actually does read it for the articles. Howard said when he wants porn he's on the internet, not in Playboy. Howard said they've lost their mojo when it comes to the naked woman thing. Howard said that no one is still jerking off to Playboy. He said they used to get big names for the magazine and people would get excited. He said that's kind of stopped. Howard said the only people still jerking off to it might be the Amish.
Howard said Jenny McCarthy said she would like to be the last naked celebrity to do the magazine. Howard said that Robin can do it now that they won't have nudes. Howard said Robin should be the final. Robin said they have asked her a few times. Howard said he kind of gets it. He said they have to keep the magazine going. He said it's almost revolutionary. He said there's a picture of Kate Hudson in the NY Post today and she's almost naked. Robin said it's all see through. Howard said Playboy might go to that kind of stuff. Howard said he skips the naked women these days. He said the porn is out there on the internet and it's free. He said he doesn't need Playboy.
Howard said he heard it was a complete shock to Hugh Hefner. He isn't running the magazine anymore. Howard said the guy is probably out of it. He said he's like 900 years old. Howard said he's actually 89 and he has to be bored with vagina. Howard said it makes sense to do it. Howard said that it kind of makes sense to him. He said it's an evolution. He asked what else they're going to do. Robin said she never thought it would be without women.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the Dateline special with the Cosby accusers. Howard said he has a woman who says she drugged Cosby. Howard said it's Sandy Kane. Howard said it kind of makes sense to him. Howard said listen to this message. Howard played it for Robin and Sandy, who is the Naked Cow Girl in Times Square, says that she drugged Cosby and he was a great guy. She said she doesn't think he's very funny but he is talented. She said she was about 20 and she met him at a comedy club so she gave him some Quaaludes because he didn't have any. Howard said they had her in once before when she said she banged David Brenner. Howard jokingly said Cosby says he might sue her. Howard said that's a smart move.
Howard said Bobby Jo from Petticoat Junction died. Howard said she was 71. Howard said she was hot but that show wasn't so good. Howard said the girls would bathe in a water tower and he thinks he jerked off to her.
Howard said he has some phony phone calls they made. Howard said they wanted to get a transgender DJ to say ''Ray Ping Kids'' and it worked. Howard played the clip of this DJ reading the name and not getting the joke. Howard said they did get him to say that and ''Terra Dickoff'' too. Howard said it's not easy to get a guy on the radio to say that. He said it takes many tries to get that.
Howard said he has another couple of calls and asked Gary which one he should play. Gary told Howard to play the Chris Wilding call. Howard played that one and Chris calls a radio show and makes some vomiting sounds as he's about to give his thoughts on something. Chris vomits and then starts to ask his question and then starts puking again.
Howard said he has another one to play but it's getting late. Robin told him to play it. Howard said this is a double header. He played a prank call the guys made using a Hillary Clinton impersonator claiming that she's trapped in an air vent in a hotel. She tells the woman that she got stuck trying to listen to Donald Trump in another room of the hotel. The woman tells ''Hillary'' to suck up her gut as much as she can and try to back up. Then a rat shows up in the vent and then Hillary falls through the ceiling of the hotel room. The woman on the line just laughed. Robin said that's the best. Howard said that woman was laughing at her too. Howard said he can imagine Hillary spying on Trump and doing that.
Robin said that she told Gary how great it was to see him at the Mets game on Facebook. Gary posted some pictures. Howard said he hated that. Gary said at least it wasn't a picture of him playing a chess game. Howard said he doesn't do that. Howard said it was so annoying with Gary talking about being at that game with his son. He said it was so annoying. Robin said Gary was talking about how he flew his son in for that. Howard said it's funny to him that he has to share that. Howard said he was fascinated with that. Robin said she was too. Howard said Gary just had to post it.
Jason came in and said that Gary used it to teach them all a life lesson. He said that Gary told them that if you think you shouldn't spend the money just do it. Howard said it was fascinating. Howard said that he said something about it being just over a few dollars. Howard said he went to a Met game, okay, we get it. Gary said he sat there listening to Howard talking about saving a goose for 20 minutes. Howard said that's his job. He said Robin and Jason both had the same reaction to it. Howard said Gary's is the best.
Howard said it's like tat the end of Jerry Springer when he has a lesson he learned. He said Gary had that over his son and the Mets game. Gary said it was ''Gary's final thoughts.'' Howard goofed on Gary for a minute. Gary said he's going to keep them as friends just to punish them over this.
Howard read the quote from Gary about how he almost didn't do it over a few dollars. Gary said he had people telling him he was a cheap bastard. Howard asked where he sat. Gary said it was down the third base line about 30 rows back. Howard goofed on Gary more about that.
Howard said he heard that Scott the Engineer asked him to help him get tickets and he turned him down. Gary said he has no knowledge of that. Shuli came in and said that they were in a meeting the other day and he told him about that. Howard goofed on Gary a little more about that. Howard told Gary to just go to the game and not post. Howard said he just waits for pictures to show up from Gary on Facebook. He said he doesn't watch TV as much when he has Facebook pictures to look at. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they got a lot of nice email about John Fogerty. He said people love Sour Shoes. He said he got praise for his Tommy John underwear. He read some of that email. Howard said someone asked why Private Parts isn't on Kindle. Howard said he doesn't know. He said it's an old book anyway. He said he's all for writing new books.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to be watching the Supergirl show on CBS. Howard said of course he will. Howard said he didn't think Gotham was going to be good but it's great. He said he doesn't like his super heroes to be girls. He said he doubts he'll like it but maybe they'll win him over. Howard said there is something about being a star and getting the girl. Howard said he saw Bradley Cooper's new movie ''Burnt'' and he's like the super hero in that movie and he gets the girl. Howard said that it's not the same when it's a girl.
Robin asked Howard if he liked the TV show The Avengers. Howard thought she was talking about the movie and said yes until she said she was talking about the old TV show. Howard said he didn't like that.
Howard said he likes his super heroes to be men. He said he wants to think of himself as the super hero. Howard said there is nothing more intoxicating. Howard said some of these characters are not for him. He said he's not anti-women but he's saying that the classic comic book male who gets super powers is good. Howard said that The Flash was good but now everyone has powers. He said he hates that. He said he's not that impressed with Flash now. Howard said nothing makes sense anymore.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she'll be at Kimmel on Friday. Howard said that's good. He said that Jimmy told him that the ticket demand is big for his shows.
Robin started her news with a story about Eddie Murphy doing some stand up at an event where he got a Mark Twain award. Robin said he told a Bill Cosby joke and it went over very well. Howard said he was thinking about Eddie. He said he did an interview recently talking about how he might go back to doing stand up. Howard said he believes that he is one of the greatest. He said that he's up there with Chris Rock and Kinison. Howard said he thinks it's disappointing that he doesn't do stand up but maybe Eddie thinks that he was so good in the past that he can't live up to that. He said he gets that. Robin read about some of the other people who will be on the Mark Twain awards thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin told Howard that Halloween is coming up. Howard said he heard that Richard was up to some asshole stuff. He said he went upstate to run through a cemetery. Robin said they always have a list of the costumes that are in demand. Robin said they won't sell a Caitlyn Jenner costume in New York. Robin said there is a high demand for it though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the video of Jeff the Drunk coughing so much that snot came out his nose. Howard said that he did and he told Jason to link it on the web site. Howard said Jeff has a joint hanging out and he coughs so hard that the snot comes out and goes right into his mouth. He said it's absolutely gross.
Robin said that some of the other costumes that are popular are Cecil the lion and the dentist who killed Cecil. Howard said that he's going as The Lump. Robin said they're giving warnings about the dangers of imported face paint. Robin said had some audio of Chuck Schumer talking about that.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult who said she will do anything for money. She said she's not doing too good right now. Howard said he's shocked she's calling in for money. Wendy said that she has to buy some things. Howard asked if she would wear face paint from China. Wendy said yes to anything he suggested. Howard said he'd give her 5 bucks to shit her pants on the air. Howard said she's on public assistance. Wendy said she only gets $100 a month. Howard asked her to take 63 from 79. Wendy's answer was 80. Howard said he'll give her the opportunity to change her answer. Wendy said that she's sticking with 80. Howard said that's close enough. He didn't know the answer himself. Howard said she won $100. Howard told Gary to send her the $100 so he can be done with it. Howard asked if she would pose nude for Playboy. Wendy said she would if her mother lets her. Wendy said she's 35 but she still does what her parents say.
Howard asked if Wendy would do some things for $50,000 and she said yes to anything. She coughed and said that she had a potato wedge come up. She said it shot out. Robin and Howard asked a bunch of questions about that and she said yes to everything. Howard said he read that her Facebook page said she graduated from Georgetown University. Wendy said yes to that too. Howard said he really has to get out of here so he's not sure what he's doing. Gary said that Wendy sent them a picture showing that a stranger gave her $100. Gary said Wendy is banned from all of the fast food places. He said they have free Wi-Fi and they banned her because she'd just stay there all day long using her phone and watching TV.
Howard asked Wendy if she has ever shit and vomited at the same time. She said yes of course. Howard asked Wendy what she's going to do with the hundred bucks. She said she's going to buy food. Howard said she doesn't have enough. Wendy said no. Howard asked her about vomiting and shitting. Howard figured her vomit looks like her shit. Wendy confirmed.
Howard asked Wendy if Bill Cosby raped her. She said yes. She confirmed everything Howard made up about having sex with Bill Cosby. Wendy was coughing again. She said that she coughed up another potato wedge and it went in someone's hair. Howard asked if Cosby tried to eat her asshole. She said he did. Howard went at the Cosby thing for another minute with Wendy. Howard said she's going to be on a special on Dateline. Wendy kept saying yes to everything. Howard asked Wendy if she has tried that Burger King black burger. She said yes. Howard asked if her doody is green. Wendy confirmed it all as yes. Wendy did say no when Howard asked if she would shave her bush so the hair won't stick out of her diaper. Howard asked Wendy what 63-79 is. She said 150 this time. Howard said it was smart to change the answer since she was wrong last time. Howard asked if Wendy has ever seen things living in her diaper. She said yes. Howard said he's had enough of this. Howard told Gary to send her some money. Jason said he's going to take care of it. Howard told Gary to send her $200. Howard said he's going to send her $250. Howard said he loves her. He wrapped up with Wendy and let her go. He asked her to stop calling in and asking for money. Wendy said she doesn't mean to ask him all the time. She said she is in a bad situation right now. Robin said the situation isn't changing. Howard said she's retarded. Wendy said that she's hoping that Trump is elected because she thinks that he's going to change things and give them more. Howard said he thinks that she may get even less. Wendy said she's probably going to vote for him. Howard said that Trump might take retarded people and get them out of the country. Robin didn't know she could vote. Gary said he didn't think so either. Wendy said her mother is going to register her.
Howard asked Wendy what she weighs. She said around 270. She said she lost 10 pounds. She said she's walking from town to town. Howard asked if she picks up the food she coughs up and eats it. Wendy said she does. Howard said god bless her. Howard said there are 30 states that keep retarded people from voting. Howard said he'd like to see Wendy vote though. He said everyone should vote. Howard let Wendy go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Tracy Morgan appearing on Saturday Night Live on Saturday. Robin said that Tracy talked about his accident. Robin said he went right into some jokes after that. Howard said he could tell he was emotional. Robin had some clips that she had Howard play. Howard said he's happy for Tracy. Robin said that Larry David was on Saturday Night Live as well. Robin had some audio of Larry playing Bernie Sanders. Howard said he was really good. He said he looked like him too. Robin had some clips of Larry too. Robin said Sanders commented on that. Robin had his response to Larry playing him on Saturday Night Live.
Robin read about how Donald Trump is saying that 9/11 never would have happened because of his immigration policies. Robin had a clip of him talking about that. Howard said it does amaze him that those guys were able to pull that off. Howard said it drives him nuts. Robin said that Trump says he's not blaming George W. Bush for that but it did happen while he was in office. Howard said we weren't safe. Howard said the outrageousness is that these guys show up for flight lessons for take off only. Howard said can you fucking imagine. He said Bush didn't keep the country safe. Howard said he'd like to see someone crack down on that horse shit.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton talking about how she thinks she'll have republican support if she's elected. Robin had a clip of her talking about that.
Robin said Star Wars tickets go on sale today. She said it's 2 months before the movie comes out. Robin said the sales begin after the debut of the new trailer that's on during the NFL game tonight.
Robin read a story about someone dying at Zombie-Con. Robin said a 20 year old was killed and 5 others were injured there. Howard said that this is happening so regularly that we aren't even keeping track. Robin said they're not sure if he was targeted or if it was a random attack. Robin said police are asking for people with cell phone video to share it with them. Robin said they're not sure who did the shooting.
Robin read about Lamar Odom and how he's getting better. Robin said he may die of embarrassment when they tell him what happened to him. Howard said he can't imagine having to admit that to anyone. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said they have to talk about Howard doing the Kimmel show on Friday. He said Howard feels obligated to do it. He said that Howard will deliver but he wonders what Jimmy is telling him. He said that they may find out tomorrow what Jimmy thinks about the whole thing.
Jon mentioned some of the other things they heard on the show today. He said they have so many places to go. He said they have Dr. Drew Pinsky is there. Drew said he's happy to be there. Jon asked Drew about the Robin stuff they talked about today. Drew said he tried to contact Robin over email and she didn't get back to him. He said Robin has a problem with him after the whole narcissism thing in his book. He said he feels horrible about it but Robin has been taking him up to task since then. He said that she said she would do lunch with him but then she stopped contacting him. He said it really bothers him. He said that she said last time that she used to be a fan of his. He said that hurts so bad.
Drew said that he has become more and more of a superfan and he's getting more obsessive. He said he can't go a day without listening to the show. He said he has to catch up on the weekends but he can't get enough of it. Drew said last time he was in they asked if he thought Richard was an alcoholic and he said yes. He said Richard had an issue with that. He said he doesn't mean any harm when he says these things. He said he's just answering questions.
Jon said that Richard is still wearing his Kansas City shirt all week. He said it's all dirty and stained. That led to Drew mentioning something about Michigan and that upset Jon because they lost over the weekend. Jon said now he understands why people get mad at him. They went to break a short time later.
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drew said that Michael Rapaport is to Gary what Robin is to him. Jon asked Robin to explain to him that she's just breaking his balls. Robin said she has told him that. Drew said that they haven't been eyeball to eyeball since that all went down. He said now he has much more of an experience. He said they are accepting of it. Robin said it's all just fun and games to her. Drew said it is pretty good radio. Robin said that he shouldn't take it personally. Gary said that she has seen the email so she knows he's taking it personally. Drew said it's sort of how things go around there. Robin said she went into the studio this morning and said it was great seeing his Facebook pictures. Jon asked if he regrets putting them up. Gary said not all of them. Just one. He said that the one that was kind of preachy was the one he regrets. He said that sometimes Beth will like something and he was feeling very emotional about hanging out with his son. Jon said Robin knew where Howard was going with it today. Robin said that she once saw Gary at America's Got Talent and she said it was great to see him there but then she goofed on him to Howard. Gary said they're brutal with each other around there.
drew said that he feels moved on two fronts now. He said he's included in the ball busting. Robin said she knew she had to come down to say hello to Drew. She said that Drew doesn't tell her when he's in town. Drew said that's true. He said he's guilty of that. Drew said this is better than lunch.
Drew said it's all good now. He said that he knows that Robin doesn't see all of her email. Robin said that she didn't even know Drew was in town. She said next time he's around they'll do lunch.
Drew and Robin were still talking about the narcissism test. Jon said that he has to remind everyone about that. He said the whole staff filled out a form for the narcissism test. He said they were all ranked. Robin said that Howard lies because he's had therapy. Robin said she knows how to do that too but she was honest on her's. She said she knows Howard is still a narcissist. She said Howard blows the needle on that test. Robin said that Howard got them all to tell big secrets and Howard just told a little secret about his nose job.
Jon asked about what Howard was staying about what he sees when he sees himself on TV. Jon asked if Howard is doing Jimmy's show out of friendship and obligation or does he want to do it. Robin said he does and doesn't want to do things. She said it's like that with everything. She said if Jimmy hadn't asked him to do it he'd be pissed too. She said that Howard had that period of time when he was out and about. Robin said she knew he'd find a woman, bonk her on the head and drag her back to his cave.
Gary said he thought Howard had really changed when he was out and about. Robin said that he didn't have her fooled. Robin said that he doesn't even go to movie screenings anymore. Jon asked if they'll see Howard at the musical Hamilton any time soon. Robin said no way. Jon said Robin may end up going out with Nick soon. Jon asked Robin how Howard is going to handle seeing George Takei in Allegiance. Robin said Howard says he doesn't want to go. Gary said he and Robin have to go. He said he has to go to report on how Howard is acting.
Jon said he's glad Drew is there. He said they've gone back and forth between Robin and Howard and who is crazier. Drew said Robin is a different kind of crazy. He said that Howard has been in intensive psychotherapy and he's seen the change. Robin said he has but she still sees a lot of suffering. Gary said that both Howard and Robin went to therapy. Robin graduated. Howard has no end in sight. Drew said he did 11 years of therapy himself. He said he fantasizes about going back. He said he thinks Howard doesn't stop because he's suffering and it's made him so intuitive in his interviews that it's like a work out for him. Robin said that he had a change in his personality when his therapist was on vacation. Drew said he wasn't even aware of it until it was almost over. Robin said he didn't know it until the very end. Drew said the only thing that worries him about Robin is the things like the enemas and things like that.
Jon said Howard says he can't enjoy anything. Drew said some people can't do that. He said there is a name for that. He told the guys what it is. He said that Howard may feel that way. He said he may blame his mom for it but he loves his parents like no one else. Robin said she was telling someone that Howard lived through the depression through his parents. Drew said there is a rich heritage of suffering in the Jewish families.
Robin asked who is more fucked up then. Gary said it's apples and oranges. Drew said he thinks Howard is more fucked up. He said that begrudgingly. Robin said she's taking what she can get. Drew said he knows that they're going to give this to Howard tomorrow and he'll have to take shit from him now.
Gary asked Robin if she is going through the file in her had wondering what Howard and Jimmy were talking about when they talked about her. Robin said here is no way to figure it out. Jon said Gary will be up all night trying to figure it out. They took a break a short time later.
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Drew said that he wanted to talk about Tan Mom. He said she had a severe head injury. He said she had her face busted in and was thrown down a well once. He said that she has no frontal lobe so that's why he can't carry on a conversation. He said then she drinks and it's totally out of control.
Jon asked if Drew thinks he and Robin are on good terms now. Drew said he does. He said he feels nervous about Howard now though. Drew said he knows he's going to eat shit when they play that clip for Howard tomorrow.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's great that Gary's Mets are going to make it to the World Series. He asked what he would do if they asked him to throw out a pitch at the World Series. Gary said they were talking about it in the office. He said he doesn't think it's that big of a deal at the Mets. He said it's a big deal for them at the show but not for the Mets. He said he thinks they want him to throw out a pitch when things aren't going well. He said they don't need him right now. Gary said if he does throw out a bad pitch then it might look poorly on them. Gary said he might be a jinx by just showing up. Gary said he's not interested. Drew said he thinks he has to throw the pitch. Gary said he knows he thinks that. The guys talked about Gary's awful pitch for a few minutes.
Jon said there is so much to talk about. He said he has to talk about Elvis Costello. He said there are people who are cool and Elvis is that guy. Gary said there were so many of them who were hearing him play a song and it takes you back in your life.
Jon said that Howard was talking about playing Elvis' music when he was starting out on radio. Gary said that it took him back because that's what they were playing when he was in college.
Drew said the guests have been stellar lately. He said the bookings are sensational lately. Gary said that it's cyclical though. He said that they can give Elvis a full hour and you get a feel for the person. He said that you don't get that when they're on these late night TV shows. Gary said that people will listen to the show On Demand and they hear interviews that they didn't think they'd like but they end up loving the guest.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Drew about Ronnie's sex tips. Drew said most times he just vomits in his car. He said ''Peace and love... peace and love'' but Ronnie may have a bit of a sex addiction going on. He said that you don't really hear the details there though. Gary said Ronnie has always been a sexual guy. He said the older he gets the more he's into sex the less he feels old. Drew said Ronnie is fine. He said he's not sure what that all is but he's unrestrained when it comes to sex. He said it sounds like there is a lot of sexual stuff going on there. He said you never really know what's going on with Ronnie. He said he's so closed and quiet when he's off the air.
The caller said he heard about Memet's tattoo. He said they may have to have it blacked out and then he'll have a cool story to tell. Jon said that when you reveal something like that on this show you know you're going to hear about it.
Drew said he has a woman on his show who has a Cholo tattoo on her back. He said he's friends with Jason Ellis who has a lot of tattoos and she showed it to him one day. He said Jason recoiled in horror when he saw that and asked her why she would do that. Meanwhile Jason has a ton of tattoos on him.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. He wrapped up with Drew and Gary and ended the show around 12:05pm.
Howard started the show talking about the BET awards and how he didn't understand a word people were saying in the songs. Howard played an example. Howard said that's what he used to hear before he got his ass kicked in Roosevelt. Howard asked Robin if she knows this song. Robin said no and asked if he asked because she's black. Howard said he guesses so. Howard played another song and he gave the name of it. The song was Flex. Howard asked what the hell is going on.
Howard said Riley Martin also put out a new song. He played a song parody they put together using Riley's voice. He said JD put one out too. He played that and then a Beetlejuice song.
Howard said if you sound angry it sounds like there's passion behind it. Howard said Underdog Lady has passion. Howard said Shuli called her the other day and she was upset because she went to a parade and they canceled the parade. Howard said she has such passion when she talks about it. Howard said an alien from another planet would think it was the most important thing ever. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking to Shuli about the parade and how it was canceled. She said there as a lot of wind so they postponed it a week and she's not going back. She said that she didn't have a performance set. Howard said this is her 9/11. Shuli asked her how she's been coping. Underdog said she cried a lot.
Howard asked if Jimmy Kimmel is there. He said he's hanging with them today. Robin saw him and asked what's up with the facial hair. Howard said he's a sex symbol. Jimmy said now that he has the hair people like his face. Howard said people did the scruff. Howard asked if he's trying to be like Letterman. Jimmy said maybe that's his retirement beard. Howard asked if he has a cold. Jimmy said it's just early. Howard said Jimmy is running around like a lunatic. He said his schedule is crazy. He said he must be enjoying life. Jimmy said come on. He said it's like they have lives. He said you get through it and get it over with and you die.
Howard said Jimmy was at the Mets game with Bill Murray. Jimmy said that was great. He threw out a first pitch. Howard asked if he was nervous that he could pull a Baba Booey. Jimmy said he wasn't nervous for some reason. Howard said Jimmy has said that he wouldn't do it because it's a no win situation either way.
Jimmy said he was early today but he saw High Pitch Eric camped outside the building and he didn't want to deal with that. He said he thought he'd be clever and go around to the other side of the building. He said that he didn't want to smell Eric in the morning. Howard said he feels responsible. He said he has a thing he was going to do today. He said Jimmy always has a party for him in L.A. and he has a party for Jimmy today and Eric is part of it. Jimmy said he may have showed up too early and missed the rest of them.
Howard said when Jimmy first started his late night show he didn't get big guests. Howard said they had Underdog on his show. Jimmy said he did. He said they did know her from Howard's show and some of his people knew her. Howard said that she's pissed off at Jimmy now. Howard said that Shuli asked her about Jimmy and she was upset about not being booked on his show. Howard played a clip of Underdog saying that Jimmy failed to communicate with her when she asked to be on his show again. She said she wanted to be on for Underdog's 50th anniversary. Jimmy said they're shooting for the 75th anniversary. He said he didn't get the letter she claims she sent.
Howard asked Jimmy what he's doing with the facial hair. Jimmy said he looks like his father right now. He said he has facial hair. Howard said he could play it up like he's the Lincoln of Late Night.
Howard said he told the Hamilton story on the air yesterday. Jimmy said they don't know for sure that Oprah took the tickets but that's a good story. Howard said it's so weird how those things go when you're married. Howard said Beth told him that Jimmy really wanted to see Hamilton. Howard said he dreads those evenings. Howard said he likes seeing Jimmy and Molly but not going to a play. Howard said he went to a theater with Jimmy last time and the theater was freezing. Howard said he found out that the play is a hot ticket and they took them from Jimmy and gave them to Oprah. Howard said it turns out Jimmy didn't want to go to the show. Jimmy said he would like to see the show. Howard asked what it is with these shows. Jimmy said he has a policy where he'll go see something if 10 people tell him he should see it. Howard said it's always too cold in the theater.
Robin asked what they went to see last. Howard said they went to see Bryan Cranston. Jimmy said he went to see Book of Mormon and that was hysterical. He said Howard would love it. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said his parents used to take him to the theater very weekend and it was such a bust. Howard said he saw ''Hair'' and it was the first time seeing vagina. He said his parents would take him out to dinner first and they'd get stuffed. Howard said then they'd go to the theater and he's all bloated and had to make doody. Howard said he was uncomfortable and unable to pass wind. Howard said he felt sick and wanted to go home and be alone.
Jimmy said he's never been in a situation where he had to pass wind and he wasn't able to. Howard said he can't drink water either because then he has to pee. Jimmy said the Book of Mormon is something he'd recommend to anyone.
Howard said he's having a party for Jimmy today. He said he has like 5 guests. Howard said they were going to invite some celebrities but that wouldn't be as funny.
Jimmy asked if Wendy will be there today. Howard said she's busy with other things. They talked about what she was saying yesterday when she called in during the news. Jimmy said that he was listening to Howard talking to her yesterday about eating Bill Cosby's shit and things like that. Jimmy said it's interesting to see other people's reactions when you're in a car with them. Howard said this show was designed by him for people listening to the show alone in the car.
Howard said that Jimmy thinks he would like a different kind of coffee. Jimmy said that he knows that Howard will find it and say he discovered it a few years down the road. Howard asked what it is. Jimmy said all coffee is basically the same. He said Starbucks isn't that great. He said that's where you drop Wendy off for the day. Howard said Beth suggested bringing coffee out for Jimmy to test. Jimmy said he thinks Dunkin' Donuts is better than Starbucks. He said he doesn't go to the chain places. Jimmy said he went across the street to some place with a name he couldn't pronounce. Jimmy said the coffee was good. Howard said he doesn't even know where they are right now. Jimmy told him to use High Pitch Eric as a beacon.
Jimmy said you have to find a place that cares about their coffee. Howard asked if he could tell the difference if he gave him a few cups. Jimmy said he thinks so. Howard said he thinks it's bullshit that people can tell. Jimmy said he has an Espresso machine that he uses in his office. Robin said they have a Starbucks machine in the kitchen. Howard said he probably wouldn't know because it's Starbucks. Robin said it's probably the same as the store. Howard said they may clean the machines at the store. Howard said they don't here.
Howard asked if they did a show last night. Jimmy said they did. He told Howard some of the stuff they did. Jimmy did some dancing with Guillermo. He said rehearsing for it was really embarrassing. Howard said he looks back on some of the things he's done in his career and he realizes how ridiculous it was. Howard said everything is absurd. Jimmy said they do things to make people laugh and it's all ridiculous. Jimmy said they had a symphony orchestra there and they were in leotards dancing.
Howard asked Jimmy about going to the Met game with Bill Murray. Howard asked how that happens. Howard said Bill was supposed to do the show on Monday but Bill didn't know about it. Jimmy said he texted Bill to get him to go. Howard asked if he got back to him immediately. Jimmy said it was a day or two. Howard said that's the guy. He said he's a legend. Jimmy said if the cubs weren't in it he probably wouldn't have been into it.
Jimmy said that the stock may fluctuate based on Oprah's weight. He said if she loses weight maybe that makes the stock go up. Howard said he saw Oprah hunting for Truffles. He said she could be doing that every day. Howard said now she has to be on the board of Weight Watchers. Howard asked if she's the Ronald McDonald of Weight Watchers. Howard said he's consumed with this story.
Howard said he wants to know what Oprah is up to. He read an article about it and said that she put up her own money. Jimmy said maybe they made her a side deal or something. He didn't know either. Howard said that she is going on a diet according to the article. Robin said they must believe in themselves.
Howard said how about Jimmy being skinny. Howard said he saw him throw out that pitch and his pants were almost falling off. Howard said he's super thin. Howard said his weight loss thing is working. Howard asked how he lost his weight. Jimmy said it didn't have a name when he started doing it. He said his friend Daniel Kellison saw a documentary about fasting and how good it can be for your brain. He said 2 days a week he doesn't eat. He said the other 5 he eats. Howard said Jimmy used to eat. Jimmy said last night he ate almost 2 whole pizzas. Jimmy said on two days he has 500 calories or less. He said he can have an avocado or some egg whites. Howard asked what days he does that. Jimmy said it's Monday and Thursday. He said it's off when he's on vacation or in Brooklyn. He said he's not bothering this week. Howard said that he leaves half his food when they go out. Jimmy said he was eating off Molly's plate. He said that he'll eat as much as he can when they go out. Jimmy said he'll eat many appetizers.
Howard said on Monday he has 500 calories. He said on Tuesday what does he have. Jimmy said he'll have the same thing that Howard has. He said he has yogurt and fruit or granola. He's still watching what he eats. Jimmy said it makes you think about it all.
Howard asked if he works out. Jimmy said he does not. He used to work out on this machine for a few minutes a day. Howard said Jimmy doesn't do any running or walking on the treadmill. Jimmy said not anymore. It's just the eating. Robin asked why he gave up the walking desk thing. Jimmy said he can't even look at it. Jimmy said they have the baby in the morning so that cuts down on his free time. Howard said Jimmy has a full grown family and now a new baby. Jimmy said they might add to this one. He said he's not against it. He said he's leaving it to Molly. Howard said Jimmy wants another one. Jimmy said he can go either way. He said he can't carry the baby so he has to leave it up to Molly. He said she's a great mother. He said she was crying on the way home last night because they weren't with the baby.
Howard said he can't believe he's going to have another baby. Jimmy said when he hits 50 that's his cut off. He said she has to decide before then.
Jimmy said that he's been in relationships where the other person is jealous and doesn't want him going out without the other person. He said he's not talking about Sarah by the way.
Howard said he heard that Bill Murray is hard to get in touch with. Howard said that it's up in the air when you think you have him booked on the show. Gary said that he has a phone number but Bill never calls them back. Howard asked Gary if he saw the pitch that Jimmy did. Gary said he was in a car at the time. Gary said he hopes that every person that gets up to throw a pitch is bad. Howard asked Gary if he's upset about Jimmy making him throw a pitch on his show. Gary said he isn't. He said he has to apologize to Jimmy for his behavior. He said he should have expected it. Howard said it was funny. Jimmy said the pitch became the elephant in the room. Howard said Gary fucked it up and hit a woman in the head. Howard said that woman later died. It wasn't a result of the pitch though. Howard said Jimmy has Gary on and he hits someone in the audience with the ball. Jimmy said some people see stars when they get hit but what he saw was their smiles twinkling. He said the best thing was when Robin came on and threw a strike right down the middle.
Howard said that Ronnie just planted himself in front of Jimmy. Jimmy asked what he did that she's upset about. Tan Mom said that they were talking about when they were on that show... they didn't know what show. Jimmy asked if this was on his show. Howard said Tan Mom is showing some nipple. Tan Mom asked where Sal is. She said she loves Sal. She told them to stop it with Sal. Howard said he heard they were in a fight. Howard asked if she's bummed that Sal is in love with his wife. Tan Mom said he is not in love with his wife.
Howard asked if Tan Mom would be into Sal fucking her right now. She said no because he doesn't even love his wife. Tan Mom said they're all going to run for president. Howard asked when she got fucked real hard. She said it's been 2 and a half years. Howard asked if she uses her fingers or a vibrator. She said she didn't want to talk about it. She said it's too personal. She said she met someone but he wasn't nice so she got rid of him.
Howard asked why she's upset with Jimmy. Tan Mom said she doesn't think he's funny. She said that she misses Carson. She said she'd like to go back to her days of the Odd Couple and things like that. She said that she doesn't like this guy because he's a mother fucking cocker. She told him to get new clothes and a hair cut. Howard apologized to Jimmy for this. Tan Mom said he's not good looking either. Jimmy said this is a tough party.
Howard said Jimmy throws him the nicest parties and this is what he's doing for him. Howard said he had the same conversation with Demi Moore at Jimmy's party. Jimmy thanked her for coming to the party even if she's upset with him.
Howard said it would be nice if she said something nice about Jimmy. Tan Mom said that she thinks he's a very nice person. Jimmy thanked her for that and gave her a hug. He said he's trying to make Sal jealous. Tan Mom wasn't letting go of Jimmy. Howard had to ask her to let him go. Howard said now she loves Jimmy. Howard told Jimmy to fuck her in the ass. Howard said he thinks they just made a baby. Howard thanked Tan Mom for coming in.
Tan Mom asked for a hug from Howard but he said he's on the air. Robin said she'll come out and see her. Howard told her they'd be right out. Howard said the party is going to continue through the morning. Howard said he has to blame Gary for the party being a disaster. Gary said she threatened to leave if they didn't get her in there. Howard asked Jimmy what he was thinking hugging her. Jimmy said she smells fine. Gary said she was digging her nails into his hand when he was talking to her earlier. He said she's darker than her nipples.
Jimmy said he's sure Sal could have his way with her if he wanted to. Howard said he thinks that once he hugged her he won her over. Howard said he's the nicest guy in late night. Howard said when Jimmy did Colbert's show there was no party. Jimmy said there was a little bit of a party. Howard said they have more party coming up later. He said they should take a break though. Howard asked Gary what's up. Gary said she's out there making a scene in the green room which has other guests in it. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said the party is only going to go downhill from here. Jimmy said he has to talk to Robin about something. Howard said he did warn Robin that they were going to talk about something today. Howard said that Jimmy talked to him on Saturday night at dinner. Howard said they always talk about Robin's cancer and what she went through with that.
Jimmy said the night before the Emmy's he had a group of people together. He said they had an hour of conversation at a party. He said that it was a group that Robin would know. He said he didn't want to implicate anyone. He said one of the people's names sounds like Mike Marinholz. Jimmy said that they wonder how it's possible that Howard and Beth don't have a cat named Yoda when she narrated the book on tape. Robin said it's not a forgetful thing. She said it's a compartmentalizing. Robin said that Jimmy does this to her all the time. She said that he takes something and makes fun of her.
Jimmy said that whenever he cries on the air on TV Robin's cackling voice is always the loudest. Jimmy asked how this is possible. Robin said she knows that his crying over Cecil the lion was fake. Jimmy said that's a nice diversion. Jimmy asked how this can be. He asked if she worries that something is wrong. Robin said that's silly. She said it's just a name. Howard laughed. Robin said Yoda is an iconic figure. She said she happens to love Yoda. Robin said when she looked at this cat she thought it looked like Yoda. Exactly like Yoda. Jimmy asked if she thought about the name. Robin said she didn't think the other Yoda was ever going to meet this Yoda. Robin said she looked at the cat and it looks like Yoda.
Jimmy said it is clearer to him now. Howard said Robin was on the Wrap Up Show with Dr. Drew and she was badgering him on there. Howard said that she yells at people. Robin said she's not yelling.
Robin said that she has the Yoda book at home and she still didn't make the connection. Howard played a song parody about Robin forgetting the name of Howard's cat. Howard said he has to interrupt. Howard said Tan Mom is having a conversation with Sal and she's crying. Howard asked if he dares bring her in. Howard asked if they can hear what they're talking about. Howard asked Gary what's going on. Gary came in laughing. Gary said Sal is at the door. He said Tan Mom is about to leave. He said she's talking to him and being very serious and sincere. Ronnie came in and said that she's crying hysterically out in the hall. He said that she said she has to have a cigarette. Ronnie said he'd suggest talking to her from the hall. Jimmy asked if they can get a sex tip. Ronnie said his mind is scrambled right now.
Howard said Tan Mom and Sal are in there now. Howard asked Tan Mom what's wrong. Tan Mom couldn't speak. Sal spoke up. He said she's upset that they can't be together. He said that she's family to him and he wants her to find someone who she can see. Robin asked if Sal led her on. Sal asked Tan Mom if he did. Tan Mom still couldn't speak. Howard asked if this has ever happened to Sal before. Sal said not to this degree.
Tan Mom finally spoke and said she wants to get to the truth. She said that something was annoying her. She said that they have brought life into her world and she gets sad sometimes. She said she gets sad and thinks of all of them. Howard said something is always happening there. Howard said only Tan Mom and Richard are turned on by Sal. Tan Mom laughed. Howard said Tan Mom hates Ronnie too. She said she doesn't like him. Howard said he seems like a nice guy. Howard asked if it's the sex tips that get to her. Sal said she's squeezing his hand really hard. He said she has retard strength.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she's in love with Sal. Tan Mom said she's not answering that. She said she does love him. She said that they're both married. She said we're all married. Tan Mom said when she goes home at night she's completely bored. She said that she doesn't think his wife treats him right. She said they will always be friends. She said they're all going to run for president. Howard said they have to continue with Jimmy's party. Howard let Tan Mom go after that.
Howard said she needs to go home and sleep for a year. Howard said it would be great if every guest for his party was Tan Mom. They went to break after that.
Howard said the next guest at Jimmy's party is a good one. Howard said it's live from Heaven, Eric the Actor. Howard picked up on Eric from Heaven. jimmy talked to Eric who said he is not dead and he's very much alive. they had clips of Eric saying that. Howard said Eric thinks he's alive. Howard said it's like in the movie Ghost where you have things to figure out before you go to heaven. Howard asked Eric if he is alive. Eric said if he would shut the fuck up for a minute he'd tell him. Eric said stop reporting he's dead. Howard said he will never say it again. Eric said he's an annoying sack of shit. Howard said he misses these calls very much. Howard said it's very difficult to get to another dimension.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks about Robin naming her cat Yoda. Eric said he's sick of this bullshit. Eric complained about being on hold for 2 hours and 53 minutes. They had Eric said ''Bye for now... Bye for good.''
Howard said before he brings in the next guest he has to thank Jimmy for coming in. He said it's a good time. Howard said he wants to go back to the story about why he did the Stephen Colbert show. Howard said some people think he shouldn't have gone on. Jimmy asked who. Howard had a guy on the phone who wondered why.
Howard picked up and the caller said that Jimmy gave gifts to Stephen last year. He said they're competitors though. Howard said you go to war with everyone. Jimmy said he has an explanation. He said there was a time when you had one thing at 11:30. He said that time is long gone. He said they have 50 million views online every week. He said it doesn't matter who is on whose show. He said it really doesn't matter. Howard said he got to go on Stephen's show and got to be in front of his audience. Jimmy said he's had Stephen on his show too.
Howard asked about being in that studio when Dave isn't there. Jimmy said they have fixed it up over there. He said it's really different now. Howard said he's doing Jimmy's show because he's a friend. He said if he was a really good friend he wouldn't ask him to do the show. Jimmy said he feels like part of him might be insulted if he doesn't ask him to do it. Howard said he wouldn't be at all.
Jimmy said that Howard has done so much on late night. He said that it would be disappointing if they didn't have Howard on. Howard said he loves Jimmy but he's done all of these appearances in late night. Howard said he believed when he was on America's Got Talent he would have fun. He said then he saw himself on TV and thought he looked horrible. Howard said he doesn't like the way he looks. Howard said he feels like he has to live up to what he has done in the past in late night. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that. Jimmy said just do like Oprah did and buy 10 percent of Weight Watchers and roll the dice again.
Howard said last time he did Jimmy's show he thought it was terrible. Jimmy said it wasn't though. He said Don Buchwald gives him his real opinion on how it goes. He said he's worried about going to dinner on Friday with Howard. He said they're going to dinner right after. Howard said he told Beth it was a bad idea.
Jimmy said Howard did his final appearance on Letterman and it was great but Howard thought it was horrible. Howard said he called Dave and apologized for how bad it was. Howard said he hates going on those shows. Howard said he watched an old Letterman and it was horrible. Howard said he's happy that Jimmy is there though. Howard asked if he wants him to prepare something or just come on and have a conversation. Jimmy said he's fine with a conversation. He said he wants Howard to do whatever he's comfortable with. Howard asked if he wants him to do his insane take over. Jimmy said he's fine with whatever.
Howard asked if he has things he wants him to talk about. Jimmy said he has things he wants to ask him about. Howard asked if he wants to talk about that now. Jimmy said then they're doing what Howard doesn't want to do. Jimmy said he thinks it would be better to do it off the air.
Howard said he wanted to talk about the horrible experience he had on America's Got Talent after seeing himself on TV. He said he already did that with Robin yesterday though. Jimmy said Howard puts too much pressure on himself. Howard said it's never good enough for him.
Howard asked Jimmy about going back to Letterman's studio and seeing what they did to it. Howard asked if he thinks Letterman is happy. Jimmy said he thinks about it sometimes. He said he thinks about the theater they work in and how it would make him sad to go in and see something different. Jimmy said he wants to see the world end with him.
Jimmy said it was even more strange for Daniel Kellison to see things changed around at Letterman's old place. He said Daniel worked there for years.
Howard asked Jimmy what he thinks about Dave and how he's feeling now that he's retired. He asked if he thinks he's happy. Jimmy said that Jon Stewart couldn't be happier. He said he has a beard too. Howard said Dave has a huge beard. He said it's like a Rip Vanwinkle beard. Robin said Conan did the same thing and that was depression when he was fired from The Tonight Show. Howard asked Jimmy if he will reach out to Dave. Jimmy said maybe when he retires he'd go fishing or something. He said he'd feel like he was bothering him though. Howard asked if he has spoken to Paul Shaffer. Jimmy said he's going to sit in with the band this week. He said he thinks he just wants to play. He said even Paul has a beard.
Howard asked if he thinks Paul is upset with Letterman at all. Jimmy said no way. Jimmy said that kind of gig never comes around again.
Howard asked Jimmy about going to the Mets game with Bill Murray. He asked how he got his number. Jimmy said Bill gave him his number. Howard asked if he was shocked he gave it to him. Jimmy said not really. He said they did a show in Austin together and he spent the whole night with him and it was crazy.
Howard said he feels that Jimmy is burning the candle at both ends. Howard said he's spending a lot of time with guests and doing the show. Howard asked if he is doing things so he's not so committed to the late night persona. Jimmy said he is. He said he has so much going on. He said he has so much guilt and so many charity events. Howard said he has to learn to say no to some things. Howard said he says yes to everything. Howard said he's going to burn out if he keeps that up. Howard said he has to have some free time.
Howard asked jimmy if he met Bill at the game or did he go in with him. Jimmy said he met him at the game. Howard asked if he was afraid he was going to cancel. Jimmy said he wasn't. Jimmy said they were supposed to sit together but their tickets were different seats. He said by the 5th inning they met and they sat together. He said they were in a spot there were no cameras. Jimmy said he just wanted to see the Mets. Howard asked if they had conversations about things other than the Mets. Jimmy said his sons were there so they just hung out. He said that they just cared about the game at the time. Howard said that's fascinating. Howard asked if Jimmy drank there. Jimmy said he did but Bill didn't. He said his sons were there so maybe that's why.
Howard asked Eric why he's in a wheelchair. Eric said it's his back, knees and legs. He can't walk. Howard said the floors have been reinforced for this. Howard said Joey is concerned for Eric. Howard said he has some handle on his weight. Joey said he eats like shit. Howard said Eric has no idea or he doesn't care.
Gary said Eric told him when he gets on a scale now it just says ''Error.'' Howard asked what he thinks he weighs. Eric said he doesn't know. Gary said he thinks he might be up around 430. Howard asked Jimmy if he wants to weigh him. Jimmy said of course. He said if Eric can walk at all he should. He said tying his shoes is a good idea too. Eric went over to the scale and Gary told him to put his feet together. Eric said they are. Eric was at 417 pounds.
Jimmy asked if he's happy about that weight. Eric said no. Howard asked what he's eating. Joey said he drinks so much soda and he's not drinking diet. Howard said he heard diet is worse for you. Howard asked if he can stop drinking it. Eric said if he wants to, yes. Howard asked why he doesn't stop. Eric said it's caffeine. Howard said maybe a couple of coffees would be better. Eric said he does that too.
Jimmy said that Eric used to masturbate to him but now he's doing it to Donnie Wahlberg. Eric said he still jerks off to him. Howard asked if he ever jerked off to him. Eric said he didn't. Howard said that's an insult. Howard asked if he's ever tried. Eric said no. Howard asked how many times he jerked off to Jimmy. Eric said it was just once. Eric said he's going to be back on set with Donnie next week. He said he'll be doing something on Blue Bloods but he's not sure what.
Eric said that he wants Jimmy to ask Howard something on Friday night. Howard asked if Eric is going to be there on Friday. Jimmy said they can get him in there. He said they'll have to have him sit in the audience and he can ask a question. He said they can have Eric sitting there and he can say his name and the audience will erupt. Howard asked if they'll erupt or throw up. Howard asked how many chairs he will be sitting in. Jimmy said he can have as many as he wants. Jimmy said he thinks they have to hide Eric's handicap by letting him sit in a seat. He said people will know something is up if he's in the chair.
Howard asked Eric what was going through his mind when he was jerking off to him. Eric thought about being his announcer and he thought about that. He said he wanted to be a guest on his show. Howard asked if he was thinking about Jimmy blowing him or him blowing Jimmy. Eric said Jimmy blew him. Howard asked if he took the whole cock in his mouth. Eric said he did and he came on his face in the fantasy. Jimmy asked if he still jerks off at 417 pounds. Eric said only during Blue Bloods.
Howard said that Jimmy is going to have Eric in the audience at the show. He's going to get to ask a question. jimmy said maybe they can have all of the Wack Packers sitting in the audience ask a question. Howard said he is up for it but he guarantees it will go nowhere.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks that he might masturbate to Jimmy again because he's putting him on TV. Eric said you never know. He said that he could watch Blue Bloods first and then watch Jimmy. Howard said that might be good. Jimmy said it'll be fun.
Howard asked Eric if he ever jerks off to Colbert or anyone else in late night. Eric said he doesn't. Gary asked what other guys he jerks off to. Eric said there are none. Howard said you know he was into Sam Champion. Eric said he likes Mike Woods but he doesn't jerk off to him. He said he's never gotten a boner. Howard asked if they believe him. Jimmy and Joey said they do. Howard asked Joey if he would let Eric jerk him off. Joey said if it was a medical thing he would. He said it's not a necessity though.
Jimmy asked if Howard ever expected that Joey was gay. Howard said he's very macho and he didn't think that he was. He said he's not a stereotypical gay. Joey said he has taken dance classes. He said he's in a 2 year acting program. He said it's very expensive but the government is paying for it. He said he gets vocational education backing. He said he was in Bosnia and got frostbite. He said that he didn't kill anyone over there. He said that they got to Bosnia in December 1995 and his feet froze.
Howard asked Eric why he has a birthday cap on. Eric said it's a party. It's not a birthday party though. Howard asked if he's still trying to get his driver's license. Eric said he is. Joey said he has quizzed him and he's done pretty well.
Howard took a call from Bobo and had him ask High Pitch Eric some questions about driving. Bobo asked how many feet before a turn do you use your turn signal. He gave a few choices and Eric got it right with 100 feet. Howard said good for him. Bobo asked Eric another question that Eric got right. Howard said he may actually get his license. Joey said he has to go to a driving course after passing the test. Howard had Bobo ask another question. Bobo asked about passing cars and Eric got one wrong. Howard said he zoned out before he got done asking the question. Howard said Eric got 2 out of 3 right. He said that's impressive.
Robin asked Eric where he's going if he gets his license. Eric said he wants to go out and enjoy life. Howard told him to go for a walk then. Eric said he did go for a walk yesterday with a cane. Howard said Eric is bringing the party to a halt. Howard said that Tan Mom was way crazier.
Howard asked how that was. Jimmy said it's miraculous that he can sing. Pete said ''What's up'' to Jimmy. Pete said it would be great if he could come down to the show on Friday. Howard asked what he's going to ask. Pete said he's not sure. Jimmy said he should have something to ask Howard. Howard said this could go horribly wrong. Jimmy said that's what he's hoping for. Pete said he's dry as a desert. He said he hasn't had a girl in 3 years. He had a girl when he was interning there. Pete said he had the girl in the wheelchair. Robin said she must have missed that one. Gary said Pete tries asking girls out on Periscope but he can't get past asking ''How are you doing.''
Howard asked where Pete met the wheelchair girl. Pete said it was on a handicapped dating site. Howard said Pete has problems meeting women so he told him to go a blind school or something. He did it and he got to take this girl to a hotel and banging her. Howard said he made the mistake of meeting the parents. Howard asked how many times he banged her. Pete said it was like 2 or 3. Howard said you don't go meet the parents that quick. Pete said he stayed over at their house that night. Jimmy said it's best not to fuck her in her parent's house. Howard asked if he had to lift her out of the wheelchair. Pete said he did. He said that he had to undress her and all of that. He said she knew what she wanted. Howard asked if Pete gave her an orgasm. Pete said he probably did.
Robin asked Pete if he has gone back on the dating site. Pete said he hasn't. Howard asked how the parents told him to get out. Pete said it was both of them and it was kind of awkward. Howard asked how many awkward situations he has in a day. Pete said it's a lot. Howard asked if he hungers for human touch. Pete said always. He said it's been real nerve wracking. Jimmy said that's just what he needs. Jimmy asked why he doesn't go on that dating site. Pete said it's possible. He said he could. Howard said High Pitch Eric should go on there. Eric said maybe. Gary asked Pete if it's a money thing. Pete said that's part of it. Gary said he thinks it's like 200 bucks for a year. Pete said he's not asking for money. Jimmy asked if he will go on the web site if he gives him 200 bucks. Pete said he would.
Eric said he needs something. Howard said Jimmy just opened it up. Eric said he's been asking for something. He said in his room all he has is this chair. He said he needs a chair for his back. Jimmy said Eric has to walk or he'll be stuck in that chair.
Howard said Pete should take it slow with the next chick he meets. He said he can't meet the parents on the night of the third time he's going to fuck their daughter. Eric told him to do it in a Starbucks bathroom if he's going to fuck anyone.
Pete asked Howard ''So how's your show going?'' Howard said he can ask that on Friday night. Howard had Gary bring in Elephant Boy and Mariann from Brooklyn next. Howard said this is a real who's who of dipshits. Howard said he's glad they came down for Jimmy today. He said he hopes this makes him feel good like he does for him in L.a. Jimmy said he's the center of a lot of madness right now. Howard said that the conversation has been so lively. Howard said no one has shit their pants either.
Howard asked Jimmy if he has anything to say to the guests. Jimmy said he's looking forward to seeing them on Friday night. Elephant Boy said he has a lot of questions for Howard. Howard asked him to give some examples. Elephant Boy asked Howard what he's going to do when he retires from Sirius. Howard said that's not an interesting answer. He said he enjoys painting. Howard said he's going to grow a beard bigger than Letterman and Jimmy's. He said he's going to lay in bed and jerk off to Jimmy and Donnie Wahlberg like High Pitch Eric does. Howard said maybe he'll start a Periscope, smoke weed and blow snot rockets out.
Mariann said that she can't wait for Friday night. Howard said that she's so cute. Howard asked if anyone has tried to fuck her. Mariann said no. She told Eric to behave and not ask for money. She said that she thinks Pete should go to schools and teach kids about Tourette's. Pete said he's been thinking a lot about stuff like that. Howard asked Pete ''What'' and Pete kept repeating after him so he kept doing it. Howard said this is the workshop by the way. Jimmy said this is some party.
Howard said he worries about Pete. He said he hears that things are tough. Jimmy said he seems perfectly employable to him. Howard said he is. Gary said the problem is that you have to tell him exactly what to do.
Elephant Boy had another suggestion and said that he will masturbate to Jimmy live in the audience. Howard said Elephant Boy is guzzling water. He said he could have done that out in the green room.
Howard asked Pete about the constant sniffing. Pete said that's what he does. He said he has a lot of neck twitching too. He said he grunts too. Jimmy asked if he yells out any racial stuff. Pete said nothing like that. Howard said Pete is trying to get his Periscope going too. Howard asked how many followers he has. Pete said he had around 15,000. Robin asked what he does. Pete said he's trying to create a niche. Jimmy said he has an idea for him. Jimmy said they follow him and he's on Periscope looking for women to date. Then they follow him as he contacts them. Then they meet the woman with him and then he fucks the woman on Periscope. Howard said they won't fuck him in private so why would they do that on camera.
Pete asked if he looks like a decent looking guy. Jimmy said he's the George Clooney of the room. He said he would watch Pete do that stuff.
Howard said he was worn out 25 minutes ago. He told Jimmy to never come in again. Howard asked Jimmy what he would do if his daughter grows up and she has to date Pete or Eric. Jimmy said he would pick Pete. He said he thinks that Eric is almost a hopeless case. He said Pete might be able to do okay if he had some assistance. Howard asked Eric how he feels. Eric said he still loves Jimmy.
Howard said Pete has a very large penis. He said Eric barely has one. Jimmy said that's good, his daughter will enjoy that. Howard asked Pete how big he is. Pete said it's almost 8 inches. Howard said what a waste that is. Howard said this is the worst party since the Nazi party. Howard let the guys get in some plugs. Howard also played a new Matt Jacobs bit where he does both Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric voices. Howard played it for everyone to hear. Matt had Eric talking about how he ate his driving instructor. Howard said that is brilliant. Howard said just imagine that's the impression you can do.
Howard let Elephant Boy and High Pitch Eric get in some plugs. Joey told Howard that they're doing a show in Pittsburgh on Halloween weekend and they have to fly. He said getting Eric on the plane is a nightmare. He said he has to sit by the bulkhead because he's so big. He said he spills into the other seats. Howard said imagine sitting next to Eric on the plane. Jimmy said he can't imagine sitting next to Joey. Joey said Eric gets a wheelchair at the airport and he makes them push him across the whole airport. Then he only tips the woman 3 bucks. Howard thanked everyone for coming in and wrapped up. They went to break after that.
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Howard asked Jimmy about what he's doing today. Jimmy said he's going right to work after this. He said that they're going to have Jay Z on the show tonight. He said they're going to have him doing a concert at the Barclay center and they'll have some of that on the show. He said he's going to the concert after he does the show.
Howard said that Jay Leno opened up his big, fat yap about Jimmy. Howard said he thought it was weird of him to position himself in a strange way. He said Jay said that Jimmy doesn't like him because he's a radio guy and he's just setting up a feud and wants to get in with the Howard Stern gang. Howard said Jimmy was in with the Howard Stern gang long before. Howard said Jay can't get it through his head that he isn't doing shtick. Jimmy said Jay is minimizing the situation.
Howard asked if Jimmy tried to get in with him by starting this feud. Jimmy said when he started doing Howard's show Howard still liked Jay. Jimmy said he doesn't like what Jay did to Letterman. He said he's trying to be the nice guy but just be the person you are. Howard said Jay will only bash Jimmy. He said that he won't bad mouth anyone else. Howard said Jay should grow a beard to cover up that big chin of his.
Howard asked if he has seen Jay at all. Jimmy said he ran into him at the Emmy's two years ago. He said it was uncomfortable. He said that it was the Emmy's so what can he do? He said it was him, Molly and Jay in the room together. He said jay and Adam Carolla are pals so that's kind of weird. Howard asked who was in the room first. Jimmy said he doesn't remember. He said they did talk a little bit. He said that he said he'd call Jay but then he wondered why he'd call him. He never did.
Howard asked Jimmy if he thought about walking out of the room. Jimmy said he doesn't remember if they shook hands at all. Jimmy said he thinks that he may have said something about it being kind of awkward. Howard said one minute must have felt like an hour. Jimmy said it may have been 2 twenty minute rests in that room. He said that they weren't really in a private situation. He said he told Jay he was going to call but he didn't call. He said then he lost his number and he didn't want to call Adam to ask for it. Howard asked if he discussed the Halloween bit with Jay. Jimmy said they didn't talk about any of that stuff. He said he may have introduced him to his wife. Howard said that must have helped. Jimmy said it may have made it even more awkward. Howard asked if Molly was able to jump in and make it less awkward. Jimmy said she was not. He said a big part of him likes that kind of awkward thing.
Howard said he loves this. He said he wishes that he remembered every detail. Jimmy said he's surprised he didn't give Howard this information. He said this was actually a year ago, not this year's Emmy's. He said that you end up in situations like that when you're in the business. He said you get trapped. Howard said it's kind of childish but it's real. He said they've both insulted each other. Jimmy said that what he said about Jay was taken out of context. He said someone asked what he thinks about Jay Leno after talking about David Letterman for 20 minutes and he just said ''Fuck Jay'' in a joking way when he was asked about him. He said it comes off differently in print. He was just joking though. Jimmy said he doesn't feel like he's wronged Jay at all. He said that Jay called him many times when they thought he might be coming to ABC. Then when he wasn't coming over he never heard from Jay again. He said it makes you feel like crap.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he should be paying attention to the local elections. Howard said they are more important than the big elections. Howard said he should. The caller said he loves in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Howard told the guy who he should vote for. Howard said that too many people don't vote in their local races. Howard said that David Price is a good guy. Robin said Howard doesn't even know New York. Howard said he's a political junkie. He said he knows this stuff.
Howard said that Jimmy loves phony phone calls. He said he has a good one for him. He said they took Angry Alice's voice and made a call with that. Howard said they called an internet show. Howard said the host seems to be completely aware of what they're doing but it still works. Howard played the call and they had Alice cursing the hosts out. One of the hosts said that was some gangster shit. the woman knew it was the Howard Stern Show messing with her. She said one thing about the Caucasians is that they don't know when to quit. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Jimmy if he has any doubts with Molly at all. Jimmy said he never does. Howard said that Jimmy odes have to leave. Jimmy said he wishes he could stay. He said he has to go to work. He said the news is his favorite part. Robin said she has some music from the play they missed. Robin had Howard play some of it before Jimmy leaves. Howard played a clip but it was Robin singing one of the top 5 songs. He also played ''I'll Suck Your Ween.'' Robin said she was in her car grooving to the Justin Bieber song. Howard said he was too but only because they did that parody.
Howard played some of the Hamilton play music and said he would have fucking hung himself if he went. Howard asked if this is hip hop. Robin said that's what they're calling it. Howard said DMX is hip hop. He's not sure what this is. Howard said he's glad that he didn't have to sit through this. Jimmy said ''Thank you Oprah.'' Howard said he'll see Jimmy on Friday. Jimmy said he's going to go dump 6 Wack Packers on his producers now. Howard said that could backfire. Jimmy said that's what he's prepared for. Howard let Jimmy go after that. Jimmy said it's hard to leave. Howard said he's having a hard time leaving. He took some cookies Mariann brought for him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said today is her birthday and Tan Mom was making her cry laughing. She said she makes her feel good about herself. Howard said he has to thank everyone who showed up today. Howard said that when she left it kind of sucked the energy out of the room. Howard said she brings it.
Howard said it was fun having Jimmy there. Howard said Whoopi Goldberg was going to drop by but she got sick. Howard said she had to miss The View too. Howard said she's going to be in some other time.
Howard said JD sent him some clips from a TV show and they had a little girl who sneezes all the time. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said the noise she makes is unbelievable. Howard played a clip of the girl sneezing and making the weirdest noise. She sneezes up to 12,000 times a day. The girl said she's constantly in pain. Howard said even that girl wouldn't have dated him in school.
Howard played more of the girl sneezing. Howard said he wishes Robin did that. Robin said she'd like to know what's going on in her life that makes her need that. Howard said just bring her in and they'll find a cure for her. Howard said they can help anybody through their problems.
Howard said he has a list of all of the places that have taken Bill Cosby's honorary degrees away. Howard said that Boston University gave him an honorary degree. Howard said he's wondering if they still give that to him or have they rescinded it. Robin said she hasn't seen them on the list yet. Howard said that some have taken it away. Howard read through a list of some of the colleges that gave him honorary degrees. Robin said Kanye West has been getting them too. Robin said this gives them some sort of credibility for their street knowledge. Howard said with Cosby they can call and tell him that they're giving him one but it's in rape.
Howard said he got a beautiful note from John Anderson from the band Yes. Howard said that he was saying he has been having some rough times and he listens to the show and that cheers him up. Howard said that he thinks Yes is a great band. Howard played a song, Roundabout, he played on the air one day to start John out. Howard said that's John playing after he played. Howard said he never thought that song could be done acoustically.
Howard said the Backstreet Boys have been tweeting about the show and they're asking why Bobo is back on the show because they enjoyed the Bobo Free Summer. Howard said he and Fred did the Backstreet Boys song parodies. Howard said he should do more. Howard said that he remembers doing those songs with Fred. He said some of them come quick. Robin said she liked the day they did it acoustically. Howard said he remembers The Gay Way. He said those were some great sessions. Howard said he's had some great moments in this illustrious career.
Howard said someone in the office looked up Boston University and how they haven't revoked their degree yet. Gary said Jason looked it up. Howard said they just gave it to him last year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show Ray Donovan is a great fucking show. He thanked Howard for turning him on to it. He asked Howard why Katie Holmes is wearing braces in this season. Howard said he thinks she was going for something for her character who suffers from headaches and that's what she does to help. The caller said she has that Chinese Pecker Wrecker going on in her mouth. Howard said he thought it was wild that she came up with that and they let her do it. The caller said Howard did great with Jimmy today. He said Elvis Costello and John Fogerty were great interviews too. Howard said it was very exciting for him as well.
Robin read a story about the new Star Wars trailer that was debuted last night during a NFL game last night. Robin said the trailer is 2 minutes and 30 seconds long. Robin said the movie is set to hit theaters right before Christmas. Howard said he loved the first 3 Star Wars but then the second 3 sucked the life out of it. Howard asked if you have to pretend the last 3 didn't happen. Robin said that's what she's doing. Howard said they had to bring in JJ Abrams to direct to fix it. Howard said he did a great thing with Star Trek so he's hoping he does well with this. Robin said JJ is the guy to do it if anyone can. Howard said he guesses has to see it. Robin said that they have Han Solo in this one and he is interacting with the new characters. Howard started to laugh when he thought about Tan Mom coming in there and talking to him with herself up against Robin's glass.
Howard asked if Carrie Fisher is in this Star Wars. Robin said she is and they have her covered up behind Harrison Ford in the poster. Howard said if they put her in that genie outfit in this one he will write JJ a note thanking him for that. Robin said Mark Hamill's role is still a mystery in the movie. Robin said they're not revealing much about him. Howard asked if they're doing cameos or are they part of the movie. Robin said she's not sure but it looks like they're part of it. Howard said they have to get JJ in there to talk about not putting Shatner in the Star Trek remakes.
Robin said they say that one movie ticket seller had their web site crash when the fans tried to buy tickets last night. Howard asked if the trailer is on the web now. Robin said of course it is. Howard said he heard JD is happy about the new movie and that's nice because he's never excited about anything. Robin said some people are calling for a boycott of the movie because they don't have lead actors who aren't white men. Howard said he has to think about that. He wondered who would be following that. Gary said these people are saying that JJ Abrams is Jewish so he hates white people. Robin read more about that and Howard said there is only one black guy in the whole thing.
Howard asked JD why he's excited about this new Star Wars. JD said it just looks awesome. Howard asked where he saw the trailer. JD said it's on the internet. He said it's going to be in Imax and stuff. Howard said he loves talking to JD. Robin said he didn't say why he was excited about it. JD said he's not a Star Wars geek but it looks like a great movie. Howard asked what kind of geek he is. JD said he doesn't know.
Robin read that Oscar Pistorius is out of prison. Howard said that bums him out. He said he thought for sure he'd get the death penalty. He said he can't buy the story that the chick went into the bathroom and he thought he was being robbed so he shot through the door. Howard said that's the craziest thing he's ever heard. Robin said he ended up in prison for 6 months. Robin said he got 5 years and he'll spend the rest of that time under house arrest. Howard said if he were the parents of that girl he doesn't know how he'd live with it.
Howard said he got an email about Petticoat Junction. He said someone pointed out that the girls were bathing in the water they use for trains, not drinking water. Howard said he's glad they cleared that up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Cleveland Browns player Johnny Manziel and what went on with the police. Robin had some audio of the cops talking to Manziel.
Howard read some more email. He had one about the Playboy discussion they had yesterday. Howard said that the people who are excited about the news is National Geographic magazine.
Robin read story about a doctor who was found dead in an elevator. Robin said they say she died of alcohol and cocaine intoxication. Howard said she was a doctor and she was hot. He said she must have led a life of partying. Robin wondered if this was a regular thing for her or if it was a one time thing. Robin said they say that she was a devoted mother. Howard said most women aren't devoted to their kids. He said they all want to go out and do coke.
Robin read a story about Honda releasing a new Civic that goes on sale next month. Robin said it gets 40 MPG. Howard said he's not sure why more people aren't using hybrids. Howard said they say that some of these cars get like 80 miles per gallon. Howard said Ronnie was explaining it to him but he zoned out. Howard asked Ronnie to come in and talk about the Prius. Howard asked why Ronnie doesn't drive one. Ronnie said you don't want to be seen in a Prius. He said he's not going to drive one. Ronnie said they do make some cool hybrid SUVs. He said the Prius is like between 40-60 miles per gallon. Howard asked why more people don't drive them. Ronnie said it's not a cool car. He said it's cool for economy. He said they make them in cabs now. Howard asked if the SUV gets better mileage like that. Ronnie said it's not 40 miles per gallon. Howard said he likes the cars that drive themselves. Ronnie said they're going to have more accidents. Howard said there's less human error. Howard said if the car is confused by anything it beeps and you take over. Ronnie said they make it look like you can sit back and watch TV but something could go wrong with the computer. He said if you're busy you won't hear it. Howard said he's had enough of the conversation. Ronnie said that it won't work. Fred said they haven't perfected the self driving stuff yet. Fred said he doesn't want one of the self driving cars. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Robin read more about the new Civic and how it's getting better than 40 MPG in highway driving. Robin read a little more about the car.
Robin read a story about the CIA director being hacked by a stoner high school student. Robin said this was a personal computer though. Robin said the hacker hasn't been identified but he has been called a teenager who smokes pot.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said something about the Prius and how you have to look up the crash statistics before you look at mileage. Howard said he doesn't care. He played a song parody about Bobo. Howard said Mark Paul Gosselaar was on the Wrap Up Show talking about Bobo and bashing him. Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Mark talked about Bobo and went off on him. Howard said that set Bobo off. He played a clip of Bobo talking to Shuli about Mark blasting him. Bobo said we're doomed because of stuff like this. Howard said Bobo has had it with everybody. Howard played more of Bobo going off on the fans who hate him. He said they know nothing about him or what he's done in his life. Bobo said he had the highest award in the country for driving instructors.
Howard asked if Mark Paul fucked all of the girls on Saved by the Bell. Gary said according to Screech's book he did. Howard played another clip of Bobo talking about Mark bashing him and saying that no one knows who he is. Bobo said he probably has more of a fan base than Mark Paul does. He mentioned something about why he has to ''sprew'' hate on him. Howard said Bobo also thinks that he inherited all of the Eric the Actor haters after Eric died. Howard said he likes Bobo. He said he's enjoying this. Bobo said the word ''Shrapmel'' in that clip. Howard said he had another big word in there that he used right. That was ''vapid.'' Howard said anyone who refers to himself in the third person is going to be hated. Howard said he does enjoy Bobo's shit though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a Saudi prince who won't be facing charges of sexual assault. Robin said they are saying that they won't file charges against this prince but he could face misdemeanor counts. Robin said that he was arrested last month at a compound after being accused of forcing a woman to perform a sex act on him. Robin said that woman was seen trying to get away over a fence. Howard said he's the Bill Cosby of unpronounceable names... allegedly.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to get the Jimmy Kimmel party on DVD for special release. Howard said they could put some of that up on HowardStern.com. Jason said they're working on it. Howard said they have to get that moment when Tan Mom was pressed up against the wall talking to Robin. Howard said it was crazy. Howard said people need to see that. Gary said they are working on it and they have to get the look on Jimmy's face when Pete was singing to him.
The caller told Howard that Sour Shoes has been calling into the Mike Francesa show. Howard said he should play that. He said he has the clips. JD told him where they were. Howard played some clips of Sour calling the show as Gary Dell'Abate and asking Mike questions about the Mets game. Sour was making all kinds of references about Gary. Howard said it's so great when the host is clueless. Howard said he loves Sour Shoes impression. He said it went on for a long time. Howard said Sour works in the word ''noine'' a lot. He clears his throat like Gary too. Howard played another clip where Sour was trying to work in the word ''noine'' a bunch of times but Mike was confused by the question. Mike had to hang up on him.
Howard said Sour calls a lot of sports shows. Howard said he called another guy named Michael Kay. Howard played that one and Sour was doing his Elephant Boy impression. Howard said he started off with his Elephant Boy and then goes nuts. He breaks into his Gary impression too. The host knew it was Sour Shoes. Sour did a Gary the Conqueror and Beetlejuice impression too. He did a Ronnie impression but Howard said he has to work on that one. Michael asked Sour to do his Francesa impression. Sour went right into that too. Michael said this guy is really talented but he's out there. Howard said he's right about that. Robin said his Gary the Conqueror was the best. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Donald Trump reign over the field in the republican nomination. Howard said that everyone laughed at him when he said he'd be the nominee. Howard said this stuff could go on the next 8 years. Howard said that the other guys must feel like shit. Howard said you study up on all of the issues and then you get your ass kicked. Howard said he ran for Governor of New York and he was up in the polls and he panicked. He said he was afraid he was going to win. Robin said she thinks that Donald has had that feeling too. Howard said that guy has the life. He said he has see his properties and there is no way he wants to be president. Howard said he has the life already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a realtor down in Florida and he hears Howard talking about baby wipes. He said he's never used them until recently. He said he bought some and his finger went through the paper. Howard asked what brand it was. The caller said it was Scott's. Howard said if you have a septic tank you don't want to use the thick ones. Howard said they say some of them have chemicals in them. Howard said he has used the kind that he can stick his finger all the way in there and they don't tear. Howard wondered what cave men did. Robin said they had solid doody. Howard said he has a toilet that blows water up his ass and he still finds doody up there. Howard said the water doesn't work. Robin asked if it's on high. Howard said it is. Howard said the good wipe is the kind that won't tear. He said he's still experimenting with them himself.
Howard said John Fogerty is letting them play a concert of his on Howard 101 this Friday night. Howard had some clips from the concert that he gave them to play.
Robin read a story about Lamar Odom's recovery. Robin said he's recovering in Las Vegas after being unconscious at a whore house. Howard asked if he had a massive erection in the hospital. Robin said the hookers may have taken some pictures of him but she hasn't seen anything tent like. Howard asked why he took herbal Viagra and not the real stuff. Robin said they say he ran up a tab of $75,000. Howard said never fall asleep in a whore house or a strip club. Howard said TMZ is saying that he needs a kidney now too. Robin said the two sex workers said he kept demanding food so they had to go out shopping. Howard said they better look like Angelina Jolie for $75,000. Howard said he saw the room pictures and it wasn't that nice for that kind of money.
Robin said that Justin Trudeau was elected Prime Minister of Canada yesterday. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon asked what it was like running into High Pitch Eric today. Michael said he's worried about him. He said that he's not sure what's going on under his pants. He said he's concerned with his health. He said when you talk to the guy you find he's really nice. He said that he's like the real Mickey Mouse. He said he thinks he should go to hospitals and talk to kids. He said that would be the next best thing to having Superman come there. Jon asked if he really wants him talking to kids. Michael said he thinks he would cheer them up.
Jon asked if he can guess what he weighs. Michael said 350. Jon said add 50. He said he was at 417 pounds. Michael said that he has a true addiction and a sickness. He said nothing is being one. He said it's fucked up. He said the guy is a sweet guy. He said he knows he's nuts and quirky but they're all like that. He said everyone has that going on. He said Jon must have something dark going on. He said both of them look like they need a laundry service. He said they should pay for that for them. Jon said if they did that then they'd have to do that for everyone.
Gary came in and said he sees Michael is behind him today just like he is in fantasy football. Jon said they haven't gotten to that yet.
Jon took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that Michael sounds like such a Prima Donna. Michael asked if Mike is Jewish. Mike said he's not. Michael said that's a great name. Michael told him not to worry about him. He said that it costs him money to show up. Michael said he had to take the bus there today. Gary said that his payment is promotion. He said he's promoting Public Morals. Michael told him not to try to do Jedi mind tricks on him. He said he's trying to pull this show out of the tar pits. Michael said that half of their guests are human sleeping pills. He said that they have to take the fucking show over. He said that half to them are like human Nyquil pills.
Michael asked Gary if that shirt he's wearing is one of those Untuckit shirts. Gary said it is. Jon and Rahsaan didn't have one on though.
Michael asked Gary if he knew he was coming in today. Gary said he did not. Michael said that's bullshit. He said that he must have known he was coming in. Gary said he didn't know until he got the sheet first thing this morning. He said he would have thought it would be insulting to invite him to that party today. Michael said he doesn't believe anything he tells him. Michael asked Gary about the party he's throwing and if he's sending a car service for the guests. Gary laughed and said no way. Michael asked when he's sending the tasting menu. Gary said his wife is working on the menu for him. Michael said he changed his trip so he can come to his party. He said that should be reciprocated. Michael said that he has to get a rental car to come to the party. Rahsaan told him to take a train, it's cheaper. Michael said he's not taking a train on a Sunday.
Jon asked Rahsaan what he had for the poll today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Who Was Your Favorite Guest at Jimmy Kimmel's Party?'' and the choices were:
Michael asked if Rahsaan is the one who handles the social media stuff. Rahsaan said he is not. Gary said that's Jason. Michael was about to go off on them for not having a handle for the Wrap Up Show. Jon said he has to take a break first. They went to break a short time later.
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Michael said he beat the shit out of Scott the Engineer. He said he didn't know that Scott talks shit about him when he's not there. Gary said he probably does that to everyone when they're not there. Michael said he calls him ''Uncle Scott.'' He said he might look more like a gorilla than Gary does. He said he has a simian quality to him. Michael said at one point Scott agreed to get rammed in the ass by a porn star for $250,000. Gary said he did recant. Michael said that's nuts. Jon said he's surprised that he's referring to that and not the email exchange he had. Michael thanked him for reminding him of that. He said Scott Salem sent him a picture of some dude's loaf. Gary said he sent that to everyone. He said it was a shot of a guy from his waist down. On said it was at the top of the email too. He said it was right in their faces. Michael said he doesn't do that kind of stuff. Gary said Michael only hints at rape. Michael said he does not. Gary said he does. They spent a little time talking about what he's said to Gary in email before.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Michael that he has to shut his mouth. He said his whole bit is based on ragging on Fafa Fooey. He said when it comes down to it Gary is going to go down in history for doing more than Michael ever will. Michael asked where he's from. The guy said he's from Connecticut. Michael said he's pretty proud of that huh? The caller said not really. He said he'd rather live somewhere else.
Michael said they always get to this point in the show. He said he has to build Gary up and then knock him off his high horse. He said that he already said that he's Smithsonian.
Gary brought up the pitch he fucked up on Jimmy Kimmel's show and Michael didn't know about it. He said he can't believe he fucked that up. Gary hit a woman in the head. That woman later died but not because of the pitch. Michael went off on him for doing that. He said he should be in his back yard practicing every day. Gary said he'll do that. Michael said Gary just needs to practice. Gary said he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Michael is the best guest on the Wrap Up Show. Michael said he appreciates that even though the caller is from Philly. He said he was just joking about that though. He said he loves Philly. The caller asked how much work goes into getting the Wack Pack up there. Gary said that as long as they've been on the air they're fine. He said that they wander around and he has learned that you have to be ready for anything. He said you have to chase them around. He said he was following Tan Mom around the whole time.
Jon said Tan Mom came in and did a great job as she always does. He said she has an affection for Sal and for Jimmy ''Kimble'' as she called him. Jimmy got a big hug from her though. Gary said he had to pry her off of him. He said she was hanging on too long. Gary said at some point it has to stop. Jon said Michael saw some of the Wack Pack. Michael said that he did and he met Mariann. He said she doesn't seem like she belongs in there. He said she's not nuts. He said she's like a nurse or a den mother. Gary said he had a wireless microphone in front of Tan Mom and she wanted to grab it. He said she held it over her head and he had to fight with her over it.
Jon gave Michael a plug for his show Public Morals that has its season finale tonight. Michael asked if they're done there. He said it's only 11:45. Gary said not everyone loves him. Jon said they'll come back after a break with Michael. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Jimmy Kimmel sat in for most of the show today. He said he revealed a conversation he had with Jay Leno at the Emmys and that even surprised Howard. Gary said that Howard didn't leave the house for years because he had an opportunity to run into people you don't want to run into. Gary said that Howard may not want to be in a room with someone like Jay or Woody Allen or maybe Oprah. Jon asked Michael if he's ever had to deal with something like that. Michael said he doesn't have celebrities he's got riffs with. Gary said that he had something with Spike Lee. Michael said that went away pretty fast. He said that he wasn't comfortable with that. He said he respects Spike and admires him. He said he didn't feel comfortable in that space.
Michael said that he had a conversation with Jay Leno once and he told him to lose his accent or he wouldn't go that far. He said those are the kind of things you don't say to young people. He said it can ruin their confidence.
Gary said that Jay Leno is trying to be a nice guy but he does things that aren't nice. He talked about what Jay has done to get where he got. Gary said he thinks that Jimmy was saying that Jay can be disingenuous. He said Jimmy told a story about last year's Emmy Awards and how he was stuck in a room with Jay for 20 minutes. Gary said that Jimmy dresses up as jay every Halloween and goofs on Jay.
Jon said Jimmy talked to Howard about going to the Mets game with Bill Murray. Michael asked what Howard Stern paints. He said he's curious. Gary said he has seen them but he won't talk about them. He said he'll let Howard talk about them. Gary said he took up painting water colors. He said he and his wife went out to Howard's house and his wife couldn't believe he's as good as he is after just a year.
Michael asked if Steve Brandano has ever sketched him. Gary said that he has a sad Rex Ryan that Steve did that was great. He said he may have sketched him but he hast seen it if he has.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that Tan Mom was at the top. He said Eric the Actor from the Grave wasn't enough to knock her off. Michael asked if they know how many people have taken part in the poll. He also wondered why they don't have a Twitter handle for this show. Michael said everyone has one. Rahsaan said it's under the @SternShow handle. Michael said he's not getting it. He said he drives when he listens to the show and he needs something to get him going. He said this show is a downer. He said they need their own Twitter handle. Gary said he looks at Michael and he reminds him of Pat Cooper. He said that he wonders if he's going to live forever because he doesn't hold anything in. Michael said he's happy to be a part of this show. He said when he wins the fantasy football this year he's going to shave Jon's back and mount him. Jon said they'll see how it goes.
Michael and the guys spent a little more time talking about fantasy football before Jon got in his plugs and wrapped up. They were done around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about how he feels like listening to music today. He wondered what song he would listen to right now if he wanted to. He said he can't get that Justin Bieber song parody ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' out of his head after Robin asked if that's what he wanted to hear. Howard played that song. He said that they took the song to a heavy metal bar and everyone there is into thrash metal. Howard said they asked if they could play that over and over again for 25 minutes. He said the place went berserk. He said they put a microphone on the bartender to hear what people were saying. Howard played the clip and as soon as the song started playing the people started freaking out. They were asking what the fuck it was. Howard said they were going nuts. Howard said one woman said she was never coming in again. Howard said the owner of the place was a good sport and let them do it. Robin said the second the song changed they were up in arms. They went from a Metallica song right into the ''it'll Suck Your Ween'' song. Howard said the bar is called Duff's in Manhattan if you want to go to a cool bar. Howard played a clip where the bar erupted in cheers when the song finally stopped.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is as upset with Gary as he is about saying he has a Marshall amplifier refrigerator even though he doesn't play guitar. Howard said it is irritating. Howard said he wasn't irritated but now he is. Howard said if Joe Walsh walked in and said he had a Marshall refrigerator he'd think it makes sense. Howard said Gary likes to brag about things he has no knowledge of.
Howard said he loves Meg Griffin and he thinks she's a great announcer. Howard said she's a music aficionado and she was on the Wrap Up Show not long ago. He said they asked her if Howard was as bad as he says he was. Howard said she confirmed it but then she started talking about how he wasn't part of the music scene like the rest of them were. He said she said he didn't live the music lifestyle. Howard said that blew him away. Howard said they're just groupies. Howard said he used to listen to tons of music. He said he wasn't living the lifestyle. Howard said that's what Meg thinks she was doing. Howard said he was busy trying to figure out how to make a living in radio. Howard said this is why he loves Meg so much.
Howard played a clip of Meg talking about him on the Wrap Up Show. Howard laughed as he heard Meg talking about him not living the music lifestyle that Meg thinks she was. Howard said he was a bad announcer and he had to figure out how to do that before going to live the music lifestyle. Howard said he was living the pay the bills lifestyle. Howard said Meg was busy riding horses and he's not sure how she afforded that on $96 a week.
Howard said he had a whole different take on radio than Meg did. Howard said she was so good on the air though. He said she was young and attractive. Howard said he would have fucked her brains out if she wanted him to. Howard said he may have only made it to her liver though. Robin said she's thinking about the music life and how she was just a super geek for music.
The caller asked if they think Meg has a Marshall refrigerator. Howard said she probably has a lot of vinyl and rubs up against it. Howard said he knows someone who found a girl rubbing up against the records at a studio once. Howard said he feels bad for the girl. He wonders if she ever made it.
Howard said Meg was in love with the program director at a station and they ended up marrying and eventually divorced. Howard said they loved music. He said he had to get out of there himself.
Robin said that she looks at people like they're crazy if they look at a movie like it predicted something. Howard said his favorite part of the movie was the DeLorean. He said that they have one across the street at FOX. He said that morning show is funny. He said that he can't take his eyes off of Elisabeth. Howard said she wears short dresses and you can almost see up her dress. Howard said he knows her and she's fucking hot. Howard said he doesn't care if she's a republican or whatever. He said that he thinks a guy who says he can't date someone like that is gay if they say they can't go out with a woman because of her politics. Howard said that Guilfoyle chick is hot too. Howard said he doesn't even listen to what they're saying. He said if he was her boyfriend he'd let her talk as much as she wants as long as his dick is inside her.
Howard said he's attracted to almost every woman on that channel. Howard said that he thinks he would fuck Judge Jeanine Pirro. Howard said he's disgusted with himself. He said she's had a lot of work done but he thinks he could do her. Howard said he is ashamed of that but he thinks he could do it. Howard said when she starts yelling about politics it's hard to take. Howard said she's 64. He said that he's not sure he could do it. Howard asked Ronnie if he could fuck Tan Mom and he said he could. Howard said he doesn't think he could. Howard said Beth had better give him sex tonight because he's fantasizing about Judge Jeanine.
Howard got David Arquette on the phone and asked him to do an F, Marry, Kill. He gave him Caitlyn Jenner, Tan Mom and Nicole Bass. David said he'd marry Caitlyn. Howard said that David has a sister who is transgender. Howard asked if it's tough for a family to get used to that. David said getting used to saying he, she and all of that is tough. He said his sister is dressing more like a dude now. Howard said she was transgender when not many people were. Howard said she's now a woman who is dressing like a man. David said Alexis says she wants to be ''gender suspicious.'' David asked what he's supposed to call her and she says it depends on how she's dressed.
David told Howard that one time they had a guy picking on his sister and the guy ended up beating up the whole family. Howard said it's like he took on a football team and beat them all up. David said that this was like when he was 10 years old. He said the guy was beating up all of these kids. Howard asked why he was doing it. David said Alexis was a little light in the loafers back then. Howard said that Alexis was out a long time ago when it was really tough. Howard said you can get your ass kicked over that.
Howard asked if he felt for Bruce Jenner when he was going through all of this. David said he did. He said that he didn't really reach out to him or anything. Howard said he should have. Howard said that would have been a good story.
Howard asked what David is doing up in Canada. David said he's doing a play called Sherlock. He said that he's playing Sherlock Holmes. He said he has a pipe. He said it's a comedic take on it. Howard asked why it's in Canada. David said they'd love to go to Broadway. He said they did 6 shows in L.A. He said they'll open in Toronto. Howard said if it's really good then they'll bring it to Broadway. David said they go to Chicago and DC first.
Howard said he should play Sherlock with a transgender Dr. Watson. Howard said that's a cool character to play. Howard asked if he ever says ''Elementary my dear Watson.'' David said he does not. He said he never really said that all together in the movies anyway.
Howard asked what's hard about doing the play. David said he has 2 hours of dialog to do. Howard asked if he ever forgets. David said they had a rehearsal where he freaked out and said he can't do it. Howard said that's what he'd do. Howard asked if he does forget then what does he do. Do they have someone whispering from the side. David said they'll have to figure that out. Howard said he'd whisper the wrong lines like ''Suck my cock!''
Howard asked David if the family is up there. David said they're going to meet him in Chicago for Thanksgiving. Howard said he has two kids now. David said he does. Howard said he heard that Courteney is getting married and David is going to walk her down the aisle. David said that's not true. Howard said that would be so great if he did that. David said no way to that. Howard said he should dress as Sherlock Holmes too.
Howard asked if he's speaking to David or is he still Sherlock. David said he's just David. Howard asked him as Sherlock what he thinks about what's going on in Iraq right now. David did an accent and Howard quickly asked him to put David back on.
Howard asked Sherlock if OJ is guilty. David did his Sherlock voice again for a few seconds. Howard asked if there are still tickets available. David said there are. He said they're in Toronto for a couple of weeks. David said you can go to SherlockHolmesOnStage.com for more info. Howard said it was good to talk to him. David apologized for the last time he called in. Howard said no problem and let him go.
Robin asked Howard about the F, Marry, Kill. Howard said he'd have to cut his dick off. Howard said he's not fucking Caitlyn. Howard said he can't get past him being a guy before. Howard said he'd probably marry Nicole and fuck Tan Mom. Howard said at least if he fucks her he can leave. Howard said Nicole is annoying but at least her name is Nicole. Howard said she is a big dude though.
Howard said he has a phony phone call where Sal gets Tan Mom on the phone and they have a woman interrupt like Sal's wife is on the phone. Howard said it's a lot of fun. Howard played the clip and Sal is on the phone with Tan Mom telling her he's so glad she decided to be his friend. Tan Mom said they do have an attraction. Then a woman interrupts asking if that is Tan Mom. Sal says it's someone else. Sal tells Tan Mom to tell her she's someone else. Tan Mom puts on a fake voice and the fake wife starts yelling at Sal. Sal tells Tan Mom to change her name again and pretend to be a Chinese woman. That went on for a couple of minutes. They went to break a short time later.
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Robin said her plan is to lock eyes with Bradley and fall in love. Howard said he's in love with love. He said he loves love movies. Robin said it is Howard's thing to find out more about couples and how they met. Howard said Beth went to see the movie ''Burnt'' last night and she said she cried. Howard said she sat next to Rosanna Scotto. Howard said they'll talk to Bradley about that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Bradley Cooper is there. Howard said he's a big movie star. Howard said Robin is making out with him over there. Howard said the trick with him is not to throw himself at women. Howard said Robin just played it all wrong. Howard said she's so out of it. Howard said like most women she threw herself at him. Howard said if he was a girl he'd be like ''Fuck you Bradley.'' Howard asked if there is anything to that. Bradley said he's just taking in sitting there.
Howard said last time he saw him he was promoting 'American Sniper.'' Bradley said it was actually ''Elephant Man.'' Howard said he can't forget that. Howard said that Bradley had to hang upside down every night to straighten his back out. Bradley said he did do that morning and night. Howard asked how long he had to stay upside down. Bradley said it was like 8-10 minutes. He said you think you're going to have a stroke at first. He said they say it straightens out your back. Howard asked if he still does it. Bradley said he still does it once in a while because he has back pain and it helps.
Howard asked how long it took him to lose weight to do Elephant Man. Bradley said he was eating 6,000 calories a day to gain the 60 pounds of muscle he had. He said he had to do that or he'd be limited in the roles he could play. Bradley said it would be weird if the Elephant Man looked muscular.
Howard said to get into Bradley's category of roles it's rarefied air. Howard said when he was a young man he was studying at The Actor's Studio. Howard said you can't imagine you're going to be where he is now. Howard said that there are a lot of good looking guys in Hollywood. Howard said his life has to be at a ''noine'' at this point. He said he's being offered key roles and he's picking good movies. Howard asked if he has sadness now. Bradley said he still has to audition for stuff. He said he won't say what it was but it was during the Elephant Man. He said it was before American Sniper came out. Bradley said a producer called and said they wanted him to meet the director.
Howard said that this new movie ''Burnt'' is really good. Howard said he loved it and Beth loved it too. He said it's really good. Robin said it's nice and quiet too. Bradley said it's a movie that everyone wanted to do. He said it's something that doesn't fit the bill. He said the whole cast is into food so they wanted to do it. Howard said he wasn't sure he wanted to see a movie about a guy cooking but it's more than that.
Howard asked who picked the script. Bradley said he did. Howard asked how many he reads a week. Bradley said it's not that many. Bradley said that he was shooting Silver Linings Playbook and Harvey Weinstein said he knows he speaks French and he has a thing he wanted him to do. He said that was back in 2011. He said that he did it between Sniper and Elephant Man. He said that he thought Sienna Miller would be great in it. Howard said she is amazing. Howard said she's so sexy. Howard said that it's a very good love story there. He said he finds her kind of mousy in the beginning but she gets better looking as it goes on. Howard said she becomes better and he loves that. Bradley said she's a tough broad too.
Howard said you have to make the audience believe you're in love. Bradley said it's not that hard. Howard said he would think it is hard. Bradley said he knew it worked in Sniper with her. He said he thought it would be a breeze to do it in this movie.
Howard said these chefs today are insane. Bradley said that they are trying to change it now. He said he went to work with Gordon Ramsey and saw how he works. Howard said the best chefs are artists and they are tough.
Howard said that life can't be better for Bradley. He said he did American Sniper and that went big. Bradley said that he didn't expect that to happen. Howard said that Bradley took his girlfriend to the Oscars. He said he took his mother and sister too. Howard said this was new for him. Bradley said that's not true. He said he took her to American Hustle too. Howard said that has to be a great aphrodisiac. Robin said he doesn't need that.
Howard said Bradley is smart and he goes out and does the promotion. Howard said he must have been blown away by American Sniper doing 500 million. Bradley said he was outside of it when he was doing Elephant Man.
Howard said that when you see Chris Kyle being celebrated because of the movie then there's controversy over it. Howard said everyone saw a little bit of themselves in it. Bradley said that was crazy. He said that they just wanted to tell a story. He said that people did feel so strongly about it and they knew it was a real person. Robin said it was great to see all age ranges there at the movie too.
Howard said Clint Eastwood must have been doing a dance too. He asked if he called him and said they crushed it. Bradley said they talked all the time. He asked if he's ever been on the show. Howard said he hasn't. Bradley said he's crushing it all the time.
Bradley said he was the one who told Clint about the Oscar thing. He said that he really does care that his movies do well. He said he is very invested in them. Bradley said that you have to be invested to be making movies at 84 years old. He said it's crazy.
Howard asked who won for the Oscar that time. Bradley said that they didn't win the big ones but they won for best sound mixing or something. Howard asked if they went out to celebrate. Bradley said they did go out to dinner. He said they were given a Lego Oscar. He said the Lego Movie had them there for the people in the crowd. Bradley said the best was Ellen doing the selfie thing.
Howard said they're calling Bradley a George Clooney. Howard said George made $70 million off of ''Gravity.'' Howard said Bradley must feel like he's in a zone. Bradley said he does feel pretty good.
Howard said Amy Schumer did a monologue on Saturday Night Live about meeting him. Howard asked if he saw that. Bradley said he watched it afterward. He said he thinks his friend and publicist told him about it. Howard said Amy is talking about how she wants to fuck his brains out. Bradley said she didn't say that. Howard said that's what was going on in her mind though. Bradley said that he had a run in with her at the MTV awards once. He said that he saw her on a talk show talking about him. He said she said some things about him on a TV show and then he saw her again and went right up to her and asked what that bullshit was. He said that he got to know her after that. Howard said she was talking about him on Saturday Night Live. Bradley said that he has to give over to the fact that it's all surreal. He said he's sitting in Howard's studio right now too.
Howard said Bradley is a real actor and he's doing great. He said he's on a role. Howard asked if he's afraid that this is going to take away from it.
Robin brought up how Bradley made out with Betty White at the Saturday Night Live anniversary show. Howard said that he's not sure he could do that. Bradley said it wasn't that bad. Howard asked if he got a boner. Bradley said that did not happen. Howard asked how he got into that. Bradley said they were just doing a bit and you don't even think about it. He said it was the 40th anniversary of the show and that night was insane. Howard asked if he went to the after party. Bradley said for a second he did. He said he had to take his mom home. He said that night was crazy. He talked about Paul Simon coming out and doing his thing and then Bill Murray. He said Bill Murray is still the funniest guy in the room. He asked who else is like that after so many years. He said he just has a thing. He said he's not sure what it is. He said that he's still cool as an old guy. He said he did a movie with him and the second he walked on set it was amazing. He said he was in Aloha with him.
Howard asked if he ended up going overboard with the guy when he met him. Bradley said it wasn't like that. Howard said you can't say to him that something isn't working in a scene. Bradley said he doesn't do that with anyone. Howard asked if you can bring up Saturday Night Live and talk to him about that. Bradley said they were talking about Ghostbusters and things like that after a couple of weeks. He said he was very open about that stuff. He said one day they went to Emma Stone's house to watch NFL. He said as soon as Bill comes in the energy changes in the room. He said he's the coolest guy on the planet. Robin said Melissa McCarthy talked about how he tries to diffuse the situation as soon as he comes in the room. Bradley said he does.
Howard said Bradley has a new movie coming out later this year that he did with Jennifer Lawrence. The movie is called ''Joy.'' Howard asked if she's becoming the woman he has the most chemistry with or is it by accident. Bradley said it has to do with David O. Russell. He said that they don't have scenes together in American Hustle but they're in the movie. He said in this movie he's a supporting actor. He said it's really Jennifer's movie.
Howard said that Bradley has been supporting Jennifer as far as her complaints about getting paid the same as male actors. Howard said that Bradley is in a different situation though. He said he was a bigger star at the time and he should be paid more. Bradley talked about how they do award some people with giant checks when they win something and how when women get them they seem smaller.
Howard asked Bradley when he and Jennifer are going to have sex. Bradley said never. He said he once said she was too young but the girl he was seeing at the time was just as young as her. Howard said it turns out she's in the right age range. Bradley said that they're not that way.
Howard said Bradley is a big Eagles fan. Howard asked why he started showing up at in the owner's box. Bradley said he did Silver Linings Playbook and got to know the guy. He said he asked to go to a game and the guy invited him. He said he got to sit in the box and it was crazy. Howard asked if that's better than all the sex he's having. Bradley asked if Howard is a football fan. Howard said he's into the Bachelor and things like that. He said he watches the Super Bowl. He was into tennis for a short time. Howard said he has never really been a fan of anything. Howard said he does enjoy football when he watches it but it's a big investment in time. Howard said he doesn't have time.
Howard asked if Bradley is nervous about this new movie. Bradley said he is. He said they put a lot of work into this one. Robin said she was excited about a movie about chefs. She said they are like rock stars today. Bradley said that this guy is doing great work. He said it's almost like a sports movie.
Howard asked how many films he's sent a week. Bradley said he's not sure. Howard asked what the process is to get him into a movie. Bradley said you can send it to his agent. He said his agent Dave Bugliari is there actually. He said he's in the back. Howard said he has Bradley there so who cares about the agent. Bradley said that his agent has stuck with him even when he wasn't doing that well. He said he'll stick with him forever. Howard said that's until he fucks up. Bradley said of course. Howard asked if he has confidence that he's getting all of the money that he can. Bradley said he tells him the truth and that's hard to find. He said they've never really gone after the money. Howard asked if that's really true. Bradley said it is. He said that's why he's been able to do some of the movies he has. He said his agent has told him the money will come so don't go after the money.
Howard said Bradley is taking the good scripts. He said he's doing really well. Robin asked about why he doesn't play any super heroes. He said he was Rocket Raccoon. Howard asked if he will do that character again. Bradley said of course. Howard said that took 2 years to complete. Bradley said it was while he was doing a lot of other stuff. He said it takes years because that's how the movie is made. He said he keeps popping in. He said they film everything and he comes in and does whatever he wants. He said he gets to react to what the people said in the movie already. He said he makes fun of Benicio Del Toro in a scene and you see him make fun of that character and that wasn't in the movie.
Howard asked if he has seen the money from American Sniper yet. Bradley said he has seen some but not all of it. He said they don't just give you a 50 million dollar check. Howard said he has to get his agent in there to talk about that.
Howard said he watched Bradley in this ''Burnt'' movie and he buys into it that he was a chef. Howard said he's a great actor. Howard said he believes every role that he's in. Howard said he's going to be a legend. Howard said he's so good that he wants him to make a sandwich now.
Howard said Bradley's agent is in there now. Dave came in and Bradley introduced them. Howard said he liked ''Burnt'' and he asked if Dave liked it. Dave said he loved it. Howard asked when he has fucked things up for Bradley. Dave said it happens. Howard said that he has to keep Bradley out of auditioning. Bradley said he doesn't mind it. He said he doesn't love it but he likes going after things trying to get them. Howard asked if he studied with chefs for the movie. Bradley said he did. Howard asked if he lived with raccoons to play Rocket Raccoon. Bradley laughed.
Howard said that Dave is married to Alyssa Milano. Howard said he has beat off to her so many times. Howard said she's a doll. Howard asked Dave what he would do if they wanted to put Bradley in Hangover 4. Howard said they're going to give him 50 million to do it. Howard asked if they won't do it. Dave said it depends. He said if it was Todd Phillips and they could do something great then they might do it. Bradley said they want to be more diverse and do other things. Howard said with Bradley as his client then Dave must have people wanting to suck his balls. Dave said it's amazing. Howard asked if Alyssa makes more money than he does. Dave said she's crushing it. He said she has a clothing line and she's always coming up with more stuff. Howard asked if he has Bradley over for dinner. Dave said he does.
Bradley asked if Howard would be in a movie he directed. Howard said it depends. Bradley said he would have him playing someone else. Howard said he would really commit. Howard said he wants to have a love scene with Alyssa. Howard said he wants to fuck her in the movie and that's it. Bradley said he's going to come to Howard to do this. Howard said he thinks that they're going to play twins but they're both Elephant Men. Howard said that it would be like Twins but they're Elephant Men. Howard did his Elephant Man voice and said it's going to be amazing. Howard told Bradley to give him something crazy to play. He said he will shave his head to play a part. Howard said he's dying to do a My Left Foot or Elephant Man role. Howard said he's been presented stuff but he can't find something. Howard said he has been offered maybe 12 movies a year. He said that he has been offered a fair portion where he plays the lead. Howard said he's looking for a supporting role though. He said that one movie intrigued him and he thought people's minds would be blown if he did it. Howard said there was one that did come out and another actor took the role. Howard said he didn't have the time to do it. Howard said it was a great director too. Howard said he can't tell him who it was though.
Howard said this movie ''Burnt'' is great. He said that it's a great date movie too. Howard asked what Dave thinks it's going to do at the box office. Bradley said it's going to be tough. He said that it's a nice movie and it's funny. Howard said it's a good one. Howard said he likes how Bradley is doing and he thinks Dave is doing a good job for him. Bradley said he's the best.
Howard said the movie he and Bradley should do is where Bradley goes into surgery and comes out looking like him. Either that or the other way around.
Howard gave Bradley some more plugs for ''Burnt'' and said the movie is good. He said that it's a good love story. He said it opens on October 30th nationwide. Howard asked Dave what movie he likes best that Bradley did. Dave said it's between Silver Linings and American Sniper.
Howard asked Bradley about going to the Actor's Studio. Howard said he has a clip of Bradley in the front row of a class with Sean Penn. Howard said Sean is the actor on stage. He played a clip of Bradley asking Sean about playing a character. Howard asked if he had that written down. Bradley said he didn't but he was very nervous asking it. Howard asked if he cared about the answer for real. Bradley said that never aired. He said it only aired after he stared doing well as an actor. He said he didn't want to ask a question like that. He said it took a long time to become comfortable in front of big audiences. He said he really wanted to know an answer for that question. He said part of him told him to just shut up. He said he asked De Niro a question too. He asked him about doing Awakenings and he does this thing where he's talking and he starts ticking and he pretends that he's wiping his eyebrow. He said that he did it in front of De Niro to show what he was talking about. He asked if it just happened or if it was rehearsed. Bradley said that he barely said 4 words the whole interview. Bradley said he just said ''I didn't see anyone do that. That's a good question.'' He said when he heard that it was like a beam of light shot through him. He said they had to pull him down and pull the microphone away from him.
Howard said he can relate to that. He said when he stared out in radio he had a hard time getting anything out. Bradley said it was nerve wracking. He said he had to do it or he'd kick himself if he didn't ask. So that little tick just happened. Bradley said he asked the TV show if he could have a copy of it. He said they told him all they had was a wide shot. He said they didn't have a camera on him. He said that they chose other questions for the show.
Howard said he figured they called on him because he was so handsome. Bradley said it wasn't that. He said he didn't even make it to the show. Howard asked if he has been on Inside the Actor's Studio. Bradley said he has. He said a lot of people from his class were there too. He said his dad was there because it was right before he passed away.
Bradley said that he did an audition for a movie with De Niro. He said he and his mom did a rehearsal together and she farts when she laughs. He said it's hilarious. Bradley was talking and Gary came in and pulled Dave out of there. Howard said he gave him the hook. Bradley said it's nuts. Gary said he has to think of the show. Howard asked if Gary is nuts. Howard said Gary saw Bradley at the White House Correspondents dinner and asked him to come over and say hello to his table. Bradley said he didn't know Gary got in trouble for that. Gary said that off the air Howard asked him what the fuck is wrong with him for doing that. Bradley said when Howard said when Gary did that he did think that was something Howard wouldn't do. Howard said he knows not to do something like that at a dinner. Howard said he would be upset if someone asked him to do that. Howard said he'd feel like a jerk off walking over and saying hi. Howard said Gary has been around long enough and he had no governor on him. Howard said that's not the right thing to do. Gary said he's very sorry. Bradley said he was very psyched to see Gary but then he asked him to do this thing. Gary said he feels like he's bothering Bradley when he sees him out. Howard asked what Gary gets out of it having him say hello to the table. Gary said he had big wigs from Sirius at the table. He said he will never do anything like that again.
Howard had a clip of Gary asking Bradley to say hello to his table. They played the Game of Thrones ''Shame'' clip for Gary. Gary said he feels so bad about that.
Howard asked Gary who he was trying to impress that night. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he'd rather not talk about it. Howard said he wants to talk about it. Howard said Gary can say hello to Bradley but don't bark at him to say hello to his table. Howard told Gary to get out of there.
Howard said this is an exciting morning. Bradley got back to his De Niro story. Bradley said Robert saw this tape that he did with his mom for the audition. He said De Niro saw the tape and he asked to meet him. He said it was in 2008 so it was before Hangover 1. He said De Niro just said ''I see it. Yep.'' He asked who was in the tape with him and he said something about seeing something there. He said De Niro just said ''I see it'' a few times. He said he got a hug from him too. Bradley said it was beautiful. He said he didn't get the part but it was great. He said he has a feeling he loves the business and saw some value in what he did and wanted to meet him. Bradley said that he saw him years later and went up to say hello to him. He said he fed off of that for years. He said he had no idea what he was talking about. He said it was the most important thing to ever happen to him and the guy didn't remember it. He said he ended up doing like 4 movies with him after that.
Bradley said he pitched De Niro a role in Limitless and spoke for an hour and the guy didn't say a word. He said that he gave him his cell number. He said he was driving home and he thought about the character's name. He said it was Carl Vanloon. He said that he thought about calling De Niro and he did it. Bradley said he got him and he tried telling him about the role and Bob was saying ''Yeah... yeah... yeah.'' He said that's all he got out of him. He said 10 minutes later he got a call and he wanted to do the movie.
Howard asked what it's like when you do a table read with De Niro. Bradley said he was so nervous he didn't know what he was doing. Howard said he knows what he means. He said that he ended up at a dinner party with De Niro and his wife. Howard said she was very talkative. He said he tried talking to De Niro but he looked at him like he told him he was dying. Howard said he saw him talking to Governor Christie there and he thought that he could have that. Howard said he just quieted down. He said he has to learn to be move like that and start whispering.
Howard wished Bradley luck with ''Burnt.'' Howard said everyone loves Bradley Cooper. Howard said he won over a lot of dudes with American Sniper. Howard said he'd love to do a movie like that. Howard asked Robin if her chair is soaked over there. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said that he would recommend that guys take their girl to see this movie. Howard said he and his wife loved the movie. Howard said it's great. He said he plays a chef and he's a prick. Howard said you find out if he porks someone. Howard said that's what it boils down to. Howard said ''Burnt'' opens nationwide on the 30th. Howard thanked his agent for coming in too. Howard said he was like lightning in a bottle. Howard said don't bring the hot models. He said just bring the agent. Howard asked if he can just once bring one of the women. Howard said now he knows what Alyssa Milano sees in Dave. Bradley was laughing as Howard was goofing on Dave. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard said he can put ''I Suck Your Ween'' on a loop for a minute while he goes pee. Howard played that and then tried to find a song he could play. Robin said they can see how long it takes him to pee. Robin said he used to pee pretty fast. Howard said he can put a song on so he doesn't fell pressure. Fred suggested a Beetlejuice song. Howard said that's from his new album. Fred said that's right. Howard said it's hard to pee while listening to this. He said he can't peel away from that.
Howard played a song parody about Robin and he pictures the guy in his basement with something very wrong going on. Howard played the song which was kind of creepy. Howard said he was home alone and got a weird feeling hearing that one. Howard said the guy said he had a dead boy next to him when he recorded it.
Howard said he could play the sneezing girl clip. Howard said they took that sneeze and did a techno song with it. Howard played that and said he could pee to that. Howard said that's just a thought. Howard said he could play Tan Mom singing ''I Will Always Love Sal.'' Howard played some of that. Howard said she's so sweet. He said she has a sexy voice. He said he doesn't want to miss a minute of that while going to pee.
Howard played a phony phone call Chris Wilding made to a radio show using clips of High Pitch Eric giving tips on shitting. Howard played a phony Arnold Schwarzenegger bit and then went to break. They played a clip of Ed Torian singing a song as they went to break.
Howard said he wants Robin to find love but she came on too strong with Bradley. Howard said that she was hugging him and kissing him right away. Howard said she has to be like him and Fred. Howard said that's how you make it work.
Howard told Robin that she threw herself at Bradley. He said she has to calm down with that. Howard said the way that Bradley is winning over women is by taking his mother to these events. Howard said if his mother said she didn't like a girl he thinks that would be it with the girl. Howard said he thinks he trusts his mother that much. Robin asked if he thinks she has a lot of people befriending her to be close to Bradley. Howard said of course. He said you have to play up to the mom. He said if Robin redeems herself he will tell her to really work the mother. Howard said that she was hungry for love. Howard said he looked over and she was in his arms. Fred said she looked like she was going to wrap her legs around his head. Robin said last time he was there she was playing hard to get. Robin said this time she did the opposite. She said she has to find a happy medium. Howard said that she handed him a condom today.
Howard said any girl who is trying to get a girl like that has to work the mom. Howard said that's the way into it. Robin said she has to get her number. Howard said he wanted a glimpse into that world where women are throwing themselves at a guy. Howard said he has met women because of his fame but on his level it has to be insane. Howard said Amy Schumer was talking about how she wants to fuck Bradley. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said Gary Busey met JD there in the halls. Howard played a clip of JD meeting a fake Gary Busey and carrying on a conversation with him for a short time. Busey told JD that he knows when he's going to die but he won't tell him. Howard said Gary Busey knows everything. Howard said that wasn't the real Gary but it was a great impression.
Howard said that he had an idea to go on Jimmy Kimmel's show with a giant David Letterman beard. He said that he did retire from America's Got Talent and he could say he grew one because he retired. Howard said then Jimmy loves Letterman so much that he's doing it for his hero. Howard said he thought about doing it but it would fuck up his cool look. Howard said he had to spend time picking out an outfit. Howard said you have to do that for a show like that. Howard said everyone does that when they go on these shows. Howard said he really doesn't like going on these talk shows. Howard said he hates the way he looks. He said he got into that with his psychiatrist yesterday. He said that he doesn't really say anything. Howard said he'll tell him that's not what's really bothering him. He said he really hates the way he looks. He played a clip of Jimmy introducing him and people running away screaming. Howard played a song parody about him being scared of himself in the mirror too.
Howard said he looks a little bizarre and he knows that he must look ridiculous next to Bradley Cooper. Howard said he knows he looks alright sometimes. Howard said he is very sensitive about it. Howard said Jason stands on a milk crate when he takes pictures now. He said he has to be up high. Howard said Jason will ask the guest to stand up straight which is actually a reminder for him to stand up straight because he's always hunched over.
Howard said they took a picture of David Letterman out to the street and asked people what they think he does. Howard played a clip of people giving answers. People said they thought he was Santa Claus or a homeless guy. They told people it was David Letterman and they were shocked. They asked people what they thought he did if he was a criminal. People were saying he looked like a rapist or a child molester.
Howard said he should invite Dave in there. Howard said he wants to know what he's up to. He told Gary to see if he'll come in. Howard said instead of guessing what he's doing they can talk to him about his beard. Robin said they should interview the beard instead. Howard said that's why he was going to go on Jimmy's show with the beard.
Howard said he had a product that he used to put in his hair that took the frizz out but they discontinued it. Benjy said it looks fine right now. He said he looks nice. Howard said he thinks so too but then he sees it on TV and it doesn't look good. Howard said he sees hair out of place and he tries to fix it. Robin said he should wear a big, furry hat on Jimmy's show. Robin said that Howard can look good and the halls are lined with pictures of him. Howard said he can look okay at times.
Howard said he's afraid that he's going to go to Brooklyn and they're going to mistake him for a Hasid. Howard said they'll take him in and not let him go. Howard was talking about that and making up a story about them making him stay there.
Howard said his day is fucked up on Friday. He said he has to leave around 2:45 and he'll get there for that. Robin said she was thinking about going with him. Howard said he doesn't mind when Robin goes. Howard said he's afraid that they're going to mistake him for Hasid on the Sabbath and make him go inside. Howard said they kidnap him and don't let him go. Then they drive around in a bus with him on board saying he's the Messiah.
Howard said he is an asshole. He said if you're listening then you're listening to an asshole. He said he actually tries to save his hair style in the shower with a shower cap. Howard said he looked in the mirror this morning and saw the curly hair. Howard said he's still got that full head of hair that's black. He said it sucks. He said inside he's Bradley Cooper. Howard said that's the way he should look. Howard said he's sure Bradley didn't get his hair done before he came in.
Howard said this is one of the reasons he left America's Got Talent. He said that they wanted to do the makeup in the same room with the other judges and he hated that. Howard said there were hot chicks on set and Toni is doing his hair with a curling iron. Howard said he's wearing a cape too. Howard said then he's jealous that Howie has his head shaved. Howard said it's supposed to be the other way around.
Howard said he has to do the pre-interview and he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he just wants to go out and talk to Jimmy. Robin said they need to know where he's going just in case. Howard said it's almost better when you don't know the person. Howard said that's what was great with David Letterman. Howard said that he took over his show. Howard said he can't do that with Jimmy. Howard said he needs people who mind.
Howard said he had a meeting with Ralph yesterday. He said he had him pick out an outfit for him. He said it was fine so that's what he's going to wear. Howard said he doesn't want to put that much thought into these things. Howard said he just wants to go out there and talk.
Howard said that Robin was on the Wrap Up Show with Dr. Drew and she badgered him into saying she's normal. Howard said that people are afraid of her. Howard said that you have to hear her get fired up over this whole thing. Howard said she accused him of lying on the narcissism test too. Howard played a clip of Drew and Robin talking about that stuff.
Howard said Robin is crazy. Robin said Howard has learned how to lie on his test. Howard said that's Robin's craziness. Howard said she's crazy. On the Wrap Up Show Robin said she knows Howard and he's still a narcissist.
Howard said Robin was on fire on that show. Howard played another clip where Robin made Drew tell her that Howard is crazier than her. Howard said that's because he's afraid of her. Gary said they could tell he was scared. Howard said he'd give up too. Howard said he believes Drew was badgered into saying he's crazier than Robin.
Howard asked if anyone saw the most recent Walking Dead. Howard said it's the best one so far. Robin said it's a great show. She said the way the characters develop is amazing. Jon said the shows have been great so far. He said there's a lot of action going on. Howard said they had Kevin Smith on The Talking Dead and he thought this was his number 4 most favorite episode. Robin was going to ask about a scene but Howard stopped her before she gave a spoiler. Howard said that she's going to get that reputation if she keeps doing that. They spent a little more time talking about the show.
Howard let the caller go and asked Jon what he's watching. Jon said he's watching Homeland. Robin asked about The Affair. Howard said he's thinking of bailing on it. Howard said it's too much angst and agida for him. Robin said nothing ever works out. Howard said that red head is so hot though. Ruth Wilson is her name. Howard said she's not hot but then she's all put together and she's hot. Robin said she's a dirty girl. Howard said it's great. Jon said she was in the show Luther too. He said she was great in that. Howard said Ruth isn't a hot name either.
Howard asked Jon about his Michigan shirt that he wears every day and if he's upset that they lost. Jon said he can't even talk about it. Jon talked about how they lost. Howard had a tape of someone crying and asked Jon if it's someone crying over that game or over his whole family dying. The guy was screaming ''Oh my god!'' and weeping. It was obviously a Michigan fan. Jon said he gets that. Jon said it was devastating. Howard said he doesn't care about that stuff.
Howard said Jim Breuer has been putting out video after the Mets games. Howard said he wishes he was that passionate about something. Howard played some audio of Jim talking about the Mets winning. Howard said he is a Mets fan because his dad took him to see the Mets. Howard said that the Mets were easier to get to from Long Island. Howard said he assumed he was a fan. Howard said he used to watch more baseball years ago. Howard said that he isn't on the Mets. He said he may not even watch them if they're in the World Series. Howard said if he could play baseball maybe he'd be into it more. Howard said
Howard played a clip of a guy who was ejected from a Detroit Lions game. The guy thinks he was ejected for just standing up and rooting for the team. Howard said that can't be why he was ejected. Howard said there must have been something else going on. Howard played more of the audio of the guy freaking out and yelling about being thrown out.
Howard asked why they're bringing in a chair. They had some observers coming in. Howard asked how many more of these they're going to do. Gary said it's for North Shore. Howard said he doesn't want to be observed anymore. Howard said they're coming rolling in with chairs. Howard said he's a mess anyway.
Howard said Michael Rapaport was on the Wrap Up Show again yesterday. He said he was unaware of him throwing the ball on Jimmy Kimmel's show and fucking that up. Howard played a clip of Rapaport going off on Gary about that yesterday.
Robin said he's great at the way he goes after them. Robin said that's what fantasy football is all about. Howard said JD has cracked from all of the pressure.
Scott said they're from Idaho and they are from small towns. Howard said Scott must have gotten married young. Scott said he was 23 or so. Kelly was 19 when she got married the first time. Kelly said they were separated when they met. She said it was a very messy thing. Scott said that it's a perfect thing right now. He laughed maniacally when he was talking about that stuff with Howard.
Howard said that their sex life must be very active. Scott said it is. Kelly confirmed that. Howard asked when they got married. Scott said it was in June. Howard asked what he does for a living. Scott said he used to race in NASCAR. Howard asked if Ronnie knew who he was. Scott said he was in the minor leagues. Gary said Ronnie did know him. Howard asked Ronnie if he wanted to come in there and beat off. Howard said Ronnie is a NASCAR maniac.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked if he recognized him when he saw him. Ronnie said not right away. He said he was a big deal though. Howard asked if his wife is too old for him. Ronnie said no way. He said she's too young. Howard asked if Scott made his money racing. Scott said he did. He said now he owns gas stations and car washes.
Howard goofed on Ronnie about his pace car since he's not a driver. He said only douches do that. Ronnie asked about Jay Leno. Howard said he's a douche. Ronnie brought up Jerry Seinfeld and Howard said he's a good dude. Howard said that Scott is living Ronnie's wet dream. Ronnie said he enjoys watching the races. He said he's friends with the drivers and it's a lot of fun. He said he isn't trying to be a driver. Ronnie said Fred has a collector car. Fred said that it doesn't have any writing on it though.
Howard said guys must stare at Kelly all the time. Scott said they do. Ronnie said that's part of the NASCAR deal. He said that you have to have a hot wife in NASCAR. Howard asked if guys hit on her all the time. Kelly said sure. Howard said he was just about in a coma before she came in. He said he had to sit up once she walked in. She said that's very nice. Howard said he should change his glasses to his hot sunglasses.
Howard said if they give out any more charity they should only have women who are 10s in there. Howard said that's what he wants. Howard asked Ronnie if he would rather fuck her or Scott. Ronnie said he might be like High Pitch Eric with that question.
Howard asked Scott how he got into racing. Scott said you have to have good sponsors. He said growing up they were all around cars and racing. Howard asked if he drag raced and raced on the street. Scott said he would. He said that he'd take his dad's cars out and modify them. He said he has been in some big crashes. Howard said he thought so. He said he saw some dents in his head.
Howard asked Kelly if she was a racing fan. She said not at all. Howard asked how long it took to get her in bed. She said it was a couple of weeks. Scott said he had to take her on a few dates. Howard said then he was like ''I gotta marry her.'' Scott said hot girls are hard to find so you have to snatch them up when you can. He said they live in a small town of about 10,000 people so it's hard to find.
Howard asked what kind of money he could make in NASCAR. He asked if he could make like half a million a year. Scott said he could. He said that he is a millionaire but not from NASCAR. He said that he was sponsored by Dodge and once the economy crashed he lost that. He said that he got into the family business instead. He said that they run Lynch Oil.
Robin asked if the kids want to get into racing. Scott said his son wants to. He said he might hold off until he's older. Howard asked if he got laid by the fans. Scott said they call them pit lizards. He didn't say if he got laid a lot.
Howard asked Kelly about their kids and how old they are. Kelly said she has a son and daughter who are 7 and 8. Howard asked if she wears a bikini. She said sure. She said that her friends are hot too. Howard said he's sure she's the hottest. Howard asked if she works at all. She said they have 4 kids. She said she works out. She said she wears Lululemon. Howard said he knows what that's like. Howard asked if guys stare at her. She said guys stare at all girls. Howard told Scott to keep his eye on her.
Howard asked if they get crazy and swing and stuff like that. Kelly said that might be a bit much. Howard said Scott would be open to having women over. Kelly said maybe she would have had other women over 10 years ago. Howard said she seems like fun though. Howard said he's going to leave them alone now. Howard threw Ronnie out of there too.
Howard asked Kelly if she finds Ronnie attractive. Kelly didn't say anything. Howard said that he is wearing Mambo. Howard asked if he has to break. Fred said they do have to do some stuff. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Robin came back so Howard played her in with a song parody. Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there. Howard said he has to play the top 5 songs during the news. Robin said that's what she wanted to start off with. Robin said there's a group called Pentatonix and she hears it all the time on Sirius. She asked Howard to guess what instruments they're playing. Howard said none. Robin said it's all A Cappella. Fred said that album is going to number 1. Howard said he doesn't get it. He asked what happened to music. Howard said it sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Howard said music used to be so cool. Howard said now it's this. Fred played a porn clip of someone chocking on a cock. Howard said this makes ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' sound manly. Robin had Howard playing clip after clip from the band. Howard said he thinks that 9 year olds are buying this crap. He said no adult is buying that. Howard asked if Scott and Kelly like that. Kelly said she likes country. Howard told her to get the fuck out of there. He said if she likes Country then he likes it too. Fred played clips of Hank the Dwarf over the Pentatonix stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she ended up going to the E.R. because of Bradley Cooper. She said that they waited for Bradley to come out after seeing him in Elephant Man and she ended up getting sick from waiting outside. She had to go to the E.R. over that. Howard said you know you're good looking when women will wait for you outside like that. The caller said he was so good in Elephant Man. She said that he was so good that she forgot that it was him in front of her in his underwear. Howard said a woman came to see him at a show in the winter and she only waited 30 seconds before leaving.
Robin read a story about Lamar Odom taking some steps after going into a coma at a brothel. Howard said that's some commercial for the herbal Viagra. Howard said he'd be pissed at the girls he was with. He said they should be able to get him hard without Viagra.
Robin read about how Bill Cosby got a new lawyer. Robin said this is for his sex abuse lawsuit that's coming up.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was one of the women who rescued the cat Peter Parker from the Bronx. Howard said that these people put the cat on a ledge and left it outside. Howard said Beth found out about it and rescued the cat. Howard said this Julia and a friend helped. She said that cat is amazing. Howard said that he took care of the cat mostly. Howard thanked Julia for taking the cat. Julia said that she wanted to know if Howard would do her eulogy if she has something go wrong during surgery next week. Howard told her not to ruin a good conversation with a dumb thing like that.
Howard said he has to get out of this. He said that he should do what Scott does. He asked about the gas station thing and what he does. Scott told Howard he handles sales for the family company.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves when he has observers in the studio. He said he feeds off of their energy. Howard said he's feeding off of Scott's wife there. The caller said Howard did some routine about Gluten a few weeks ago and it was great. He said he wants more observers. Howard said it's enough of the observers. The caller yelled out ''More observers!'' as Howard hung up on him.
Howard asked Kelly if she eats gluten. She said of course she does. She said she eats it all. Howard said there's nothing wrong with her. Howard said he's done with the observers thing. Howard asked if this is a zoo. Howard said he's just trying to get through the show.
Robin said that this clock kid is in the news again. She said that he went to meet the president and now his family has said they're moving to Qatar. Robin said if they're sick of this country then don't bother with Obama. Howard said the family is from there. Howard said the dad is running for president over there or something. Howard said that you think no one is going to care about the story but then the President wants to meet the kid.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked where Hanzi has been. Howard said he has called in but he hasn't had time to pick up on him. He said he's sure they'll hear from Hanzi again if he calls in. Howard said he can't have him on every day. The caller said he figured that he was managing him. Howard said he's just trying to manage the show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Bob Barker who is recovering at home after splitting his head in a nasty fall. Howard said that's what happens when you get old. Howard said you can die with dignity or fall on your head. Robin said he was out taking a walk when he fell. Robin said that Bob is 91 years old now. Howard said it's hard to die with dignity. Robin said Bob was taken to the hospital and released. He is doing okay. That led to Howard talking about Drew Carey getting that job from Bob Barker and he's doing better than Bob. Howard said you think the show is going to do worse but it's doing better. Howard said he thinks that's Karma. Howard said he used to make women reach in his pocket to get money from him. Howard said his dad used to get pissed about that.
Robin read a story about today being Back to the Future day. Robin said people are now giving predictions for what might happen in 30 years from now. Robin read some of the predictions they're giving.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he has a few questions. He asked about why he wasn't invited to the Jimmy party yesterday. Howard said it's because he's a major pain in the ass. Jeff said that's bullshit. Howard said if they ask Jeff to come then he asks how he gets paid and he needs a car and stuff. Howard got The Lump on the phone while that was going on. Gary came in and asked Jeff if he called him the night before if he would have made it down. Jeff said he would have because he could get a ride. The Lump said he is a party pooper because he smells like shit. Howard said it was a last minute thing so that's why they didn't have Jeff come down from Albany. Jeff said they could have called. Howard said they didn't want him to feel like they needed him. Howard said he's not sure he could have gotten to everyone. Howard said he knows what a hassle it would have been.
Gary said that he can't have two unsteady people in the hallway there. Howard said that it was last minute so they didn't want to bother him. He said it was probably 5 at night and Elephant Boy was in the area and so was High Pitch Eric and Joey Boots. Howard said that it could have been a diaster. Jeff said he doesn't have to make that shit up. Howard said it could have been a pain in the ass. Howard said that he has to go. He let Jeff go after that. He said that he promises him that it was the truth.
Robin got back to her news and said that they NFL is apologizing for accidentally airing nude men in the locker room. Robin said that they were doing a live interview when some nudity was shown. Robin said they are trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. Robin said the Bengals are calling for a ban on media in the locker room.
Howard said he met this guy Ami on the street. Howard had him on the phone. Howard said this guy works for FOX News. He said that there's something going on in Syria and he's not sure what's going on over there. Howard said this guy is trying to smuggle himself over to Greece from Turkey with the refugees. Ami told Howard that it's the most fucked up Embedded ever. He said over 3000 people have died doing this. Ami said it's a really important story. Howard said it is but he's ignoring it. Ami told Howard about how he met with some members of the Turkish mafia to get in on it. He said his colleague pulled a gun on him. Howard asked if Ami has kids. He said he has two girls. Howard asked what his end game is. Ami said this is what he does. He said he does political jackass stunts. Howard said there has to be a better way. Howard said he should open gas stations and get a hot wife after racing NASCAR. Howard said he thinks this guy Ami is everything that he's not. Ami said he is going to go tomorrow to do the raft thing. He said he called the Coast Guard and asked what he can do to keep himself safe. They told him not to go. Howard said he shouldn't go. He said it was nice knowing him. Howard let Ami go after that. Howard said he doesn't get that kind of stuff. He said he'd never do any of that stuff.
Robin read a story about Martin O'Malley going on The View to announce he's running for President. Howard said that he played guitar on the show. Howard said it's just so wrong to do that. Howard had a clip of the guy playing a Taylor Swift song on the show. Howard said he's not falling for that stuff. Howard said he wants these guys to be above that stuff. Howard said he's not sure why everyone has to do this.
Robin read a story about the Syrian president visiting Moscow to talk with Vladimir Putin. Robin said they didn't give any details of the meeting.
Howard asked why the guys keep slipping him notes about the top 5 being up. Gary said Will told him he asked to be reminded. Howard said Will should know better than to listen to him. Howard played the top 5 with High Pitch Eric singing the songs.
Robin read a story about how the mammogram guidelines are changing. Robin said they have changed the age of what age women should start and how often they should get them done. Howard said he didn't know how painful they are. Howard said they drop your tit on a cold plate and then drop another plate on it and squeeze. Howard asked if guys ever give them. Robin said she doesn't think she's ever had a man do it. Howard said that's going to be his next job. Howard asked if Kelly has had that done. She said she has. Howard asked if she has big tits. Scott said she has a D. Howard said that's not natural though. She said they're not. She said that she had the Mammogram before she got that done. She said she had B-cups before. Howard said that's nice. She said they were nice but she wanted to be bigger.
Howard asked if they're good implants. Scott said they are. Howard said you wouldn't think a doctor in Idaho could do that. Howard asked if they're silicone or saline. She said they're silicone. Howard asked if she's only had one boob job. She said she has. Howard said you'd think in Idaho you'd end up with cement in them. Howard said Robin has natural breasts. Howard said her's are G's. Howard said her breast exam takes 5 days. Howard talked about his exams and he ends up with a ton of lube in his ass. He said he can feel it oozing into his underpants. He said that he has to clean up for 20 minutes. He said he starts wiping and it's all brownish. Gary said he has a doctor who throws him a box of tissues. He said he does the embarrassing thing and goes to the bathroom. Gary said the whole thing is a disgusting process. Gary asked if his doctor has to feel his balls. Howard said he does. Gary said his guy always talks about sports while he's doing it. Howard said he didn't know the mammogram hurt so much. He said girls have to go through hell. He said it's like a torture chamber for them. Howard asked why they don't just take 2 iPads and squish them in there.
Robin read a story about gun laws and how they want to make it legal to carry after a lengthy background check. Howard said that's a little wild west for him. Howard asked if Scott has guns. He said he does but he doesn't know how to shoot them.
Robin read about how Subway is working to get rid of antibiotics in their meats. Howard said that's good.
Robin read about how Tracy Morgan is gearing up for his first comedy tour since his accident last year. Robin said it was announced yesterday.
Howard picked up on Bobo who was in the middle of talking to his wife. Howard said Bobo has been on since 6am. Howard said now he's talking to his wife. Howard listened in for a short time. Howard said Bobo is going go be so upset if he doesn't let him talk. Bobo got on a few seconds later. They played a song parody for Bobo and then let him ask a question. Howard said he had Bobo's Toupee on the phone too. Bobo said he loved Howard with Bradley Cooper. He said they were like bros. Bobo's Toupee said that's not a question. Howard said Bobo is allowed to make a statement.
Bobo stuck his wife on the phone but Howard said he can't hear anything so he's getting out of there. He hung up on Bobo and ended the show. They were done around 11:25am.
Jon said that Howard talked about sports and how he's not into it that much. He said he thinks it's a huge waste of time. Judah said that he thinks it's weird when people get hung up over amateur stuff. He said that it's really weird if they're still following their college team. Jon said he's one of them. He said he's still following Michigan. Judah said he's been there and those towns are interesting. He said that he's done shows at Notre Dame too. He said he totally gets it but he never got into it. They spent a little more time on that subject.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon said he wants to pick up on the Bradley Cooper discussion about doing a movie with Howard. He said Howard was in Private Parts and he was great in it. Judah said he's a great actor and he's very natural on camera. Jon said that he has done TV since then but he hasn't done a movie. He said the expectations are going to be high for a movie. Jon said that he may want to do a cameo but not as Howard Stern. Jon said that people assumed that Judah was his character Frank on 30 Rock. Judah said that he looks like him but there are a lot of differences. Jon said that happened with Tracy Morgan too. Judah said that Tracy is more like the guy you hear on Stern than the guy on 30 Rock. He said his lines were more scripted than anyone's on that show. He said every line was a joke and that's not Tracy. They went to break after that.
Jon said it's a crazy schedule. He said it was Howard's life. He said you still have to do the hours. He said he's not sure how he was still standing.
Gary said if Howard gets the script and he has to take 3 weeks off in August they might be able to work that. He said that Howard may not want to take that 3 weeks off to shoot a movie. Jon said Howard wants to do it but on his schedule. He said it could be an amazing script but he may not want to put that time into it.
Gary said Bradley would really like to have Howard be a part of the movie. He said that a TV show moved their entire production to New York for Howard so it's not out of the question.
Judah said that Bradley Cooper came back to do Wet Hot American Summer while he was doing Elephant Man so it can be done. Jon said Bradley is so busy. He said he's doing so many movies and even the Limitless TV show. He said he's at Clooney level now.
Jon asked Judah if he ever thought Bradley Cooper was going to be so big. Judah said he never picks the big stars. He said he's never been able to do that. Gary said he thinks that Bradley is going to win an Oscar next time he's nominated. Jon said he will get one some day. He's pretty sure of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think Howard can do anything but play Howard. He said he has said why stray outside of that one character you can do. He said he thinks Howard is Howard and he does that the best. He said he doesn't think it'll work. Gary said he disagrees. Jon said Howard isn't changing his career to do a movie. He said that's the difference. He said it might be tough to look at the screen and not see Howard Stern. Gary said that's the thing. He said he thinks of My Cousin Vinnie and you think that you're seeing Herman Munster but then you just see him as the judge.
Jon said Howard said he would shave his head for a role. Jon asked if Judah would do that. Judah said he has done that before. He said that he would be willing to do it. Judah said it would have to be the right project.
Jon said that Gary had some awkward moments today. He said Howard brought up how he asked Bradley to come over and say hello to him at the Correspondents dinner. Gary said that Bradley hadn't heard about what Howard said to him. He said he thinks that Bradley was saying that it was a pain in the ass to him. He said that's all there is to say about that.
Jon asked Gary about asking shit for the Marshall amp refrigerator. Gary said he just thinks it looks cool. He said he doesn't own the thing. He said they have them up there. He said everyone who has seen the picture thinks they look cool too.
Jon asked Gary about taking shit for bringing the chairs in for the charity people. Gary said that wasn't that big of a deal. He said Howard understands why they do that. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a suggestion for Howard. He said that Howard should play a villain in a Bond movie or something. Jon said Howard would love that. Gary said that there was a rumor years ago that Howard was going to be the Scarecrow in the next Batman movie but that turned out to be total bullshit. Judah said he thinks Howard would be good in a Woody Allen kind of movie. Gary said he would be. He said he'd love to see the scripts Howard gets. He said that he has said that he thought he would have been better in one movie that got made after he turned it down.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a pet peeve. He said he likes to hear Robin and Howard talk about TV shows but the spoiler thing has ruined it. He said they don't talk about shows now that people worry about spoilers. He said that Howard won't discuss the Walking Dead now. Gary said it's just the way people watch TV now. Gary said in their office they had about 10 guys put their hands over their ears because they haven't watched the show yet. Jon said the show was on Sunday night so they should be able to talk about it. Gary asked what the right amount of time is for something like that. Jon said if it's the last episode you have 24 hours. He said if it's a regular episode maybe 72 hours. He said it depends.
Jon said he tries not to spoil things for people. He said you don't want to do that but you do want to get people excited for a good episode.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around Noon.
Jon introduced his guests Douglas Tirola (Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Story of the National Lampoon) and writer Neil Strauss. Gary asked Neil about his book and some of the things he wrote and talked to Howard about when he was on the show. Gary wondered what the big one was for him that really fucked him on the show. Neil said he said that his wife wasn't the wettest in bed. He said he knew to tell her not to listen to the show. He said that was the first of many mistakes. He said he ended up in sex addiction rehab after that. He talked about that a little bit. He said he realized that monogamy isn't natural and he wanted to live in total sexual freedom. He said he's tried many things and eventually realized that he's the one who's screwed up. Jon gave Neil a plug for his book ''The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships'' and also talked a little bit about his other book ''The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.'' Jon and Gary asked Neil some questions about his book and found out that he was contacted by one of the intelligence agencies because they have their field agents read that book.
Jon and Gary talked about Howard bringing up their weaknesses on the show and why they think he does that. Jon moved on to Douglas and said Howard is a big fan of National Lampoon. Douglas said that they heard John Goodman on the show and they didn't know he was a fan of National Lampoon. He said they called and got someone at the show to get in touch with John so he's in the movie because of that. Douglas told the guys about the movie and how they were wondering if they could put certain things in it. Gary said he grew up reading National Lampoon. He said they had some nudity in it and he used to get that instead of Playboy when he was a 12 year old kid. He said it reminds him of their channel 9 show because it was like pre-internet porn kind of stuff. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said there were a lot of interesting things in the movie that he didn't know. He said a lot of people thought the Saturday Night Live cast came from Second City but many of them came from National Lampoon. He said that was kind of Saturday Night Live before Saturday Night Live was Saturday Night Live. Doug told the guys some stories about what was going on behind the scenes at Saturday Night Live and National Lampoon.
Jon said he thinks that Saturday Night Live, National Lampoon and the Howard Stern Show fit together. He said he thinks that they've all grown from where they started. Jon said it's all in the name of making people laugh. Doug said nothing is off limits. He said that's what he learned making the documentary. He said the magazine did that and so did the show. He said they do really intelligent stuff like in national Lampoon but then you turn the page and you see boobs. He said it's like Howard's show.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they have ever correlated the relationship with Sal and Tan Mom with his wife and the emotional friend. She said it's like Tan Mom is Sal's emotional friend. Gary said he thinks that Sal might be her emotional friend. He said that Sal is trying to be nice and she might be falling for him. Doug and Neil gave their thoughts on what's going on with Sal and Tan Mom.
Gary asked Neil if it's wrong for a guy to be attracted to a woman that's not your wife and go home and jerk off to her. Neil said before you go and cheat just jerk off before you do it and you'll get over it before you do something you'll regret. The guys told some more stories and went to break a short time later.
Jon said Jimmy Kimmel was in this week. He said Elvis Costello also came in. He asked Neil what he thought about that interview. Neil said you have interviewer envy when Howard sits down with people like that. He said when he sits down with someone like that the musicians want to talk about their current projects. He said that you have to keep it that way. He said he interviewed Ringo Starr once and he would get upset if they talked about the Beatles. Gary said when a guest comes in with a book or a greatest hits to promote then they're open to a lot more. Doug had some thoughts on the Elvis Costello interview too. He thought it was a great interview.
Jon said Neil had the pleasure of interviewing Howard for Rolling Stone. Jon said that he knows Howard is a great interviewer so was he intimidated and how does he approach that. He asked if they missed out on anything in the interview that he didn't include. Neil said that he wondered what he could talk to that he doesn't talk about on the air. He said he got into the process that he uses for the show. He said he talked about why he has the studio set up the way it is. He said he keeps Robin isolated about the things they're going to talk about so he can play off of her. Gary said that's right. Gary said they can ask Robin to leave and talk about something so she doesn't know about it. He said if they can make her laugh then they know it's working.
Jon and Gary spent a little more time talking about Howard's interviewing skills. They said Howard doesn't know how good he is and he asks them if an interview was good even after an amazing interview.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is the best interviewer he's ever heard. He said he has noticed a lot lately that Howard cuts people off. He said he'll ask a question and then cut them off. Gary said he's going to do the same to the caller. He said Howard's mind is working at warp speed. He said that he's asking a question and thinking about where he can go next. He said he may cut them off because they're taking way too long to answer.
Doug said he was doing some research for the documentary and he looked into some of the Howard Stern interviews and wondered how they do their research because it's so well done. Gary said there are a lot of people working on that stuff. He said Howard tries to read books and watch movies but he doesn't have the time. He said he does put a lot of effort into it. Doug said they have some interviews that they heard Howard doing and they wondered how Howard knew some of the nuggets about them. Jon said Howard is the best at what he does. He said he's also working his own board. He said he's balancing all of that as he's doing all of these interviews. He said that's why he's so great. He said Howard makes it seem effortless. The guys spent a little time talking about that.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and gave some plugs to the guys before ending the show. They were done around 11:55am.
Jon asked Patricia about how she got to know the show. She told Jon about how she got to know about it. She said she can't really listen to the show when she's doing her work. Patricia said she got this introduction when she'd be talking to Stacy on the phone. She said Stacy would tell her stories and tell her about people like Tan Mom and people like that.
Jon asked Stacy if she thought she'd become a Howard Stern fan. She said she did. She said she just had to have her listen. Gary said he calls these relationships a mixed marriage. Gary said usually one person can bring the other person around. He asked how that worked. Stacy said she told Patricia some stories and she told her about how amazing Howard was on 9/11.
Patricia told Jon about how she watched Private Parts the movie and she wondered how they found someone who looked like Howard Stern to play the part. She couldn't believe it was Howard. She said she was kind of smitten after that. Patricia said to be very funny you have to be smart. She said people may not realize that.
Patricia said she's been listening to a lot of shows and she's trying to catch up. She said she's sorry she didn't listen sooner. Jon said he's kind of envious that she's hearing it for the first time.
Jon asked Patricia if she hears anything on the show that influences her for characters in her book. Patricia said she's thinking about that. She said she's gotten hooked on this and she has found that her Scarpetta character might be a closeted fan and she might be stalking Howard. Jon spent a few more minutes talking to Patricia and Stacy.
Jon said they've talked about Howard's acting ability and he wants to act but not play himself. He asked Danny how that would go if he did something with Bradley Cooper. Danny said he thinks he's already succeeded there. He said he has played himself in a successful movie. He said he understands why he might not want to do that again.
Jon asked Patricia if she thinks Howard could do it again. Patricia said that she would like to see him in something else. She said she might need to get him for a Scarpetta film. They went to break after that. Jon gave Patricia a plug for her new book ''Depraved Heart: A Scarpetta Novel (Kay Scarpetta)'' before they went to break.
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Jon said that if the show ends they might gain 20 pounds. Gary said if Howard showed up to his high school reunion he would bet that the bulk of the people there would be overweight and bald. He said they wouldn't be very stylish either. He said people just give up on their look when they get older. He said Howard still has hair and he's still stylish.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when Gary's name changed from Gary ''Dell-a-bait'' to ''Gary dell-a-bah-tay.'' He said he knows it was said the old way in Private Parts. Gary said he's not sure when it happened in the movie. He explained how it happened in his life and how Howard told the story about how the apostrophe happened when his grandfather got there and got a booger on the page when he signed his name. Gary said his dad loved that story too.
Gary said he thinks he's better looking now for his age than he was when he was younger. Jon said Stacy has been a long time fan of the show. He asked if she wonders how Gary can have that thick of a skin when Howard goes off on him. Stacy said it's clearly an adoring relationship. She said Gary knows what to expect. Danny said the abuse of Gary is different than anyone else on the show. He said you love it but you have sympathy for him too. He said he still believes the stools in his TV room is an okay decision. He said he loved the hour of abuse he got over it though. Danny said that's what makes him so endearing.
Gary said he thinks he also represents the people at their job who have to take that from their boss. He said he thinks Stacy knows that he does a good job. He said if he didn't do his job correctly he wouldn't be there. Gary said there are a handful of people who believe Howard's version and that annoys him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loves Patricia's books. She said that she loves everything about her. Patricia thanked her for that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Patricia what she thinks about Richard's fascination. Patricia said that was her favorite time of year when she was younger. She said that she'd go out in more than one costume to hoard candy. She said that she doesn't go to haunted houses though. She said she went to one a long time ago in Virginia Beach and she had a brace on her leg. She said someone chased her with a chain saw and she chased him back. She said that the cops had to escort her out. Jon asked if she was in costume at the time. She said she wasn't. Danny said there is something about American society and there are issues with people who come to the haunted house but they also have the employees to worry about. He said that people might get mad at them and assault them. He said they might be out of luck if they're hurt on the job.
Jon asked Gary if anyone around there gets dressed up. Gary said they're working so no one does that. He said it's another frivolous thing that they don't do around there. Jon said Richard did the MRSA thing on his arm one year. Danny said this is a very serious place of business. He said if you do something odd there then you will get beaten down. He said he imagines if you show up in a costume you'll get mercilessly ribbed by everyone else. Gary said he remembers getting hair cuts from this one woman and Jackie would goof on him after every hair cut.
Jon asked about the haunted house thing and Danny said that it's an invitation to disaster. Patricia asked Danny what happens if someone is scared and dies from a heart attack. Danny said that has happened before. He said even after they have left the premises. He said after they say goodbye they'll have one extra scary guy out there. He said that patron paid money to be scared and courts will hold that you got what you bargained for. Gary said it's no one's fault if you have a heart condition and show up to be scared. He said you can't sue over that. Patricia said maybe they should drop this because her books scare people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jimmy Kimmel was going to put the Wack Pack in the audience and take questions. He asked who is going to ask the worst question. Gary said he thinks Medicated Pete might have the worst question but he might be the most entertaining. Jon asked Patricia who she loves in the Wack Pack most. She said she loves High Pitch Eric and his voice. Gary said that Patricia just needs to spend 15 minutes with Eric to dislike him. He said that he gets on your nerves after 15 minutes.
Jon asked Danny who he likes the most in the Wack Pack. Danny said he loves Sour Shoes. He said he's the Mozart of the Wack Pack. He said that he's got scary talent.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he ever wants to tell Howard to shut the fuck up when he comes down on him. Jon told Gary to let him know if he ever does want to do that. Gary said that people were upset with Howard coming down on him over his Facebook posts. Gary said sometimes he gets angry but he won't tell him to shut the fuck up. He said he wants to tell Howard that he's done everything and done it twice. He said he's in the radio hall of fame and all of this other stuff and he should just be happy.
Jon asked Patricia why she thinks Howard has this anger in him. Patricia said the satisfaction keeps you moving. She said that Gary might be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. She said that Gary should just enjoy it and let himself be taken hostage. Gary said that's basically what he's done.
Danny had some thoughts on that too. Gary said he can laugh at some of this stuff. He said he was able to laugh at the Facebook stuff this week even after he got angry.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for his guests before ending the show. They were done around Noon.