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Howard started the show talking about how fun this is already. He moved something and Robin said that's the first time he's ever done that. Howard said he can see Robin now. He said this is new equipment they just got. He said it's not working out so good so far. Howard tried to fix it. Robin asked if he wanted it to slide over. Howard said that's what he's trying to do. Howard told her to just shoot him. He said this isn't going to work. He said he always has a snag in his prefect world. Howard said he doesn't like looking at anyone when he broadcasts. He said that he doesn't want to change that now.
Howard said he went and got his Colonoscopy and he did record himself as he was clearing out. Howard said his doctor knocks him out and he enjoys that. Howard said he sees why Michael Jackson liked that stuff. Howard said he came out with a clean bill of health. Howard said then the only eventful thing is that you have to empty your bowels with Dulcolax and Miralax. Howard said it's horrible but it's worth going through knowing you won't have colon cancer. Robin asked if it's painful. Howard said she had it done. Robin didn't remember what it was like.
Howard said that you won't want to hear what he recorded if you're eating breakfast. Howard said you have the urge to go to the bathroom. He said that it comes out like liquid. Howard said he has the audio and it's disgusting. He said Richard gave him a little recorder to use. Howard played some of the audio and it was him taking a shit. Howard played a second clip and said that's when he stopped. He said that it was so disgusting.
Howard said he didn't eat all Wednesday. He said then at 5pm you take the heavy stuff. He said he fell asleep around 9 and then got up at 2 for another round of that stuff.
Howard said his daughter gave him an article about eating cucumbers because they're healthy. Howard said he has taken that on like crazy. He said when he was done with the Colonoscopy the doctor asked if he eats a lot of cucumbers. He said they found a ton of seeds up there. Howard said it was like a cucumber farm. He said he didn't know they weren't digestible. Howard said even after all of that stuff he still had seeds up there. Howard said he may have been growing them up there. Howard said the doctor told him to slow down with the cucumbers. He said he's going to back off and just have them for lunch.
Howard said he was pretty well known when he went on. He thought it would be funny to be on. Robin said Joe was so pleased about that. Howard said Joe was a nice guy. He said that he was so proud that he invented the word memorabilia. Howard said he had a ton of memorabilia himself. Robin said he'd be called a hoarder today.
Eric asked if Howard heard what happened with Richard Simmons. Howard said he didn't. Gary filled him that the police were called to his house for elder abuse. Howard asked if he's suffering from something. Gary said he seems to be fine.
Howard said that Eric was at the boat show and that seems like an odd place for Eric to be. Howard asked Gary what he was doing there. Gary said he was working with a charity. He said he was going to be there from 5-7. He said that Eric was there around noon. Eric said he was there around 3. Howard said he gets there and spends all day there. Gary said Eric looks really odd now. He said he's bigger than ever and he carries a cane. Eric said he gained about 20 pounds. Howard said he has to be over 400. Eric said he's not that much. Howard said he's going to die if he keeps going like that.
Eric told Howard that he has a health said that comes to him twice a week. He said she cleans his room. Howard said he has free maid service. Eric said she does his laundry every Friday too. Howard asked if she has to touch him. Eric said no. Howard said thank god for that. Gary said he was talking to Eric about this and he gets it all through social services. Gary said that he's basically paying for this person to help Eric through taxes.
Howard said it's amazing that this country provides leisure money and a maid. Gary said he's all for this for people who need it but he's against this for someone cleaning his apartment. Gary asked who cleaned his laundry before she did it. Eric said that he did it but it puts pressure on his back. Howard said he's going to be one of those guys who gets stuck to his couch. Gary said he told Eric that his back wouldn't hurt if he lost 200 pounds. He said that he just stares at you blankly when you tell him that. Howard said he was tested as being feeble when they checked his IQ. Eric said he's dull and not feeble. He said that Robin must be feeble. Howard said someone was feeble and someone was dull.
Gary told Howard Eric is living in an apartment that is run by some Catholic organization. They feed him there. Gary said that Joey Boots heard about that and he moved in there too.
Fred said that he just looked up Eric's IQ and they say that a 65 means he's a moron. He said he's not even feeble or dull. He's just a moron.
Howard said Eric has pretty much everything that he wants. Eric said once he gets better then he'll do what he needs to. Gary said there is no incentive for him to get better. He said he'll lose his benefits if he does get better.
Eric said he has Carpel Tunnel too. Gary said that this guy at the boat show had a director's chair and Eric just plopped down into the chair when the guy got up for 2 seconds. Gary said that the chair looked like it was going to break. Howard said that they have a picture of Eric up on HowardStern.com. Eric said that someone photo shopped it and put his head on Gary's body and Gary's head on his body.
Howard asked how old Eric is. Eric said he's 43. Eric said that he thinks that he'd win a weight loss challenge against Benjy. Howard said he thinks Benjy would win that. Howard said maybe the loser has to fuck the other guy in the ass. Gary said he thinks Eric has to weigh about 375 pounds. Eric said he's around 340.
Howard said that someone said Eric wouldn't fuck Benjy because it would ruin his ''brand.'' Eric didn't remember saying that. Howard said he thinks he did.
Howard said Joey Boots pointed out that Eric doesn't know the difference between steaming and frying chicken. He said he has to say his goodbyes to him because health wise he doesn't think that he's going to do well. Eric said that he asked about getting his stomach stapled and they told him he'd have to lose weight before getting that done. The guys thought that sounded odd.
Howard asked what Eric is going to eat for breakfast. Eric said he had oatmeal. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard asked Eric if he has any goals or dreams. Eric said that he would like to do a show at Sirius. Howard said he does like it when they talk about his diet. Eric said that people think that he should have a food show. Gary said he'd like them to do a show off the air and just pick out the best 3 minutes. Howard said he agrees.
Eric said he loves Howard. Howard said he loves him too. Eric had a psychiatrist appointment coming up later so that's why he had to call in now. Gary said that's another thing that they're paying for. Howard said they are paying for it. Eric said he's on Medicaid and he has to pay for it. Howard said they're paying for it. Howard said we take care of this guy and it's called socialism. Howard said that no one could do well with Eric. Howard said if they didn't take care of him then he'd be forced to do something. Howard asked if he stocked up for the blizzard. Eric said he hasn't yet. He said he has to do that later.
Howard asked Eric how many medications he's on. Eric named a few. Howard said those are more things they have to pay for. Howard asked if the psychiatrist asks about the voice or just ignores it. Eric said he ignores it. Howard said he has a lot of phlegm when he speaks. He asked if the doctor talks about that. Eric said that he doesn't bring it up. Howard asked if he thinks he's treating a woman. Eric said no. Howard said he has endless questions.
Eric said he and Mariann were talking and they were wondering why Leiberman Live is taking a hiatus. Howard said he really doesn't know. He said he's not that involved with that channel. Eric said that he and Joey are going to do more shows because they know that Howard loves them. Howard asked if the doctor ever wants him to get naked for him. Eric said no but he does take his socks off and his feet are all swollen. Howard asked if it smells in the office when he takes them off. Eric said he powders his feet.
Gary asked if he showers every day. Eric said all the time. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Gary said he's sure there are areas that don't get water. Howard said places like his belly. Eric said he goes under there with a wash cloth. Eric said he cleans his back with a back brush. He said that's the cleanest part of your body according to what he learned in school. He said that it's never touched. Fred said no food ever falls on it. Howard said he didn't know they had to teach that.
Howard said they should just walk around with Eric and watch what he eats all day. He said he'd love to know what he eats. He said he'd read about that on his web site. Eric said he'll do that. Howard said that he'd observe him like Gorillas in the Mist. Howard said that they need someone to do a study on Eric.
Eric mentioned that he eats Sushi so Howard wondered how he pays for that. Eric said he goes to a buffet and eats the all you can eat sushi. Howard said he must eat a tremendous amount of that. Howard asked if his parents are involved with him at all. Eric said his mom is dead. He said his dad is kind of involved with him and talks to him when he can. Gary said that Eric told him that his sister never calls him back when he calls her.
Eric said that he and Joey can do some stuff and send it to him. Howard said that sounds good. He let Eric go and said that he has to take a break to try and fix this thing.
Robin asked if they're going to go to Eric's funeral when he dies. Howard said he didn't go to see Joe Franklin. He said someone asked him to do that when he was in the hospital. Howard said he's not sure he'd have time to see his parents. Howard said he thinks that going to a hospital takes a lot out of you. Howard said Joe had prostate cancer. He said he was 88 years old. Howard said he's sure if he had gone he may not have even recognized him. Howard said he met Joe once and his hair was dyed orange. Howard said it doesn't dye right when you get old. He said it was bright orange like Bozo the clown. Robin said he couldn't have been that old when he was on his show. Robin said it was 20 years ago so he was 60-something. Howard said he always looked old though. Howard said he had to take a break and try to fix the new monitors they put in there.
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Howard said he was talking about Joe Franklin. He said that more importantly Rappin' Granny died. Robin said they were talking about her last week when they played an old show clip of her. Howard said that Rappin' Granny died and she was on the show a few times. Howard said she was an old lady when she came on the first time in 1999. He said that was a long time ago. Howard said that was like 16 years ago. Howard said they hadn't seen her in a while. Howard played some of her rap from the first time she was on the show. She was rapping and then took off her dress. Howard said she would strip down to a leotard and that was pretty gross. Howard said he thinks what she was trying to accomplish was to get hired to appear at parties and stuff. Robin asked if that ever worked out. Howard said of course not.
Howard said she did a song about him too. He played some of that rap. Robin said she never did it to the beat of the song. She just talked over the music that played. Howard had asked her if she wears Depends and she said she did.
Howard said in 2006 Rappin' Granny came in and sat on the Sybian. Howard said that was May 8, 2006. Howard played some of the audio of Granny thinking she was going to have an orgasm. Howard said that was the big Sybian ride.
Howard said Granny hadn't had an orgasm in ages and that made him happy that they gave her that. Howard played a prank call Rappin' Granny made to a store asking for adult diapers because she had shit herself. She was talking about her private parts looking like dried up veal and things like that. The guy asked her to call back in a few minutes but she kept going until he hung up on her.
Howard said that they went out on the street and asked people what they thought about Granny dying. The people out there were talking about how sad that was and what a great loss it was for the hip hop community.
Howard said it's so great because people just want to get on the air so they'll say anything. Howard said they loved Rappin' Granny on the show. He said she was a great lady. Howard said they don't know much about her but rest in peace Rappin' Granny.
The caller asked if Howard caught any of the Miss Universe contest last night. Howard said he didn't but JD pulled some audio. Howard said that it's essentially every guy's wet dream. Howard said that it's beautiful women but it's such a bad show that a man can't get through it. Robin said it was so bizarre that she had to bail out on it. Howard said he has some audio of Miss Universe being asked questions. Howard said it's such a disaster that you can't stay tuned. Howard said the show would be better off if the women didn't say anything. The caller said the show is just bizarre and the girls come out dressed in weird outfits.
Howard said he's going to play the questions they asked Miss Universe. He let the caller go. Howard said that they should have just had a 2 hour swimsuit competition.
Howard played some clips of the judges asking the contestants some questions. One woman was asked what message she would give to the global terrorists. Howard said there is no way she got that without being told what to say. Howard had another clip of one of the girls being asked a question. She was asked what the biggest change is that she'd like to see in the next generation. She asked for that to be repeated. The contestant said she's an ambassador for child prostitution. Howard and Robin goofed on her about that for a short time.
Howard played another clip where they had to interpret for the contestant. The contestant answered in English though. She said something that was very hard to understand.
Howard said they have to blast that music the whole time. He said by the time they get to the answer you want to tune out. Robin said they should turn off the music completely.
Howard played another question that was asked by Emilio Esefan. Howard said he didn't think he had that much of an accent. Howard said that this contestant doesn't understand him. She asked what he said so he had to repeat the question.
Howard said that it seems like this is more of something that you'd see in a strip club. He said they've made it boring with the questions. Robin said there are tons of people screaming for the contestants. Howard said that they have Miss Columbia up next. Howard said that you can't even get through this though. He said she needs an interpreter.
Howard played another question that a judge asked. He asked what women can learn from men. Howard said no one cares. Howard said then they have to go to the interpreter. The contestant answered and then that had to be interpreted. She didn't really have an answer.
Howard said that they need to deal with the irrational approach of these extremists. He said that there isn't a good answer for all of this. Robin said that no one tried to appease them more than the French. Howard said look at the payback they got for that.
Howard said that he was listening to Robin Thicke's song ''Blurred Lines. He said the Marvin Gaye family brought out a lawsuit against him for the song and now they're saying that Robin Thicke is being accused over another song sounding too much like Marvin Gaye's. Howard said that Robin says it's not fair. Howard said he clicked on this song and he likes it. Howard said he likes Marvin Gaye too though. Howard said that Robin did this song called ''Love After War'' and he asked Fred to find it. Fred said he has it already. Howard had him play it. Howard said he thinks it sounds pretty good. Howard said that he hasn't had another hit song since that other one.
Howard asked Fred to find Marvin Gaye's ''After the Dance'' because they say that's what this song sounds like. Howard said Robin likes this because she's sucking her own breast right now. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said that everyone is so taken by that. Howard said he gets so many emails about her. He said guys are so into that whole thing. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said that he gets so many emails about that. He said guys are really into it.
Fred found the Marvin Gaye song and played that. Howard said that is pretty close. Fred said it is more than close. Howard said he thinks it is the same song. Howard said he's not sure how much you have to change a song before it's your's.
Howard said High Pitch Eric is huge. He said he's looking at a picture of him now. He said that he really is big.
Howard said that he has to read some email. He played a new song parody that he got about Robin. Howard said that's by a guy named Hoax or something like that. Howard said that it's to the tune ''Walk Like a man'' and it's ''Fuck Robin's Cans.''
Howard said they brought a picture of Robin out and asked some women if they think Robin could be a lesbian. Howard played some of the clips of women talking about that and saying that they think that she could be.
Howard said that a lot of people are commenting on Jason's weight. Howard said he's alarmingly heavy. Howard said that someone pointed out that the protein bars aren't a good idea for him. Howard said that Jason eats them like food. He said that they're for after working out. He said that they're not a snack. He said they're a meal replacement.
Howard said someone wrote in and said that he looks like Skeletor so he should stop going off on people about their weight. Howard said that he does look like Skeletor. Howard said that someone says that the Benjy weight loss thing would be good for ''Alicia.'' Howard said that her name is actually Elisa. Howard asked Benjy if he has had sex with her lately. Benjy said they did fool around recently. He said that they haven't had intercourse recently. Howard asked if she jerked him off. Benjy said they just fooled around. He said they did everything but intercourse. Howard asked if he used his finger on her. Benjy said he would rather not say. He said that he didn't go down on her. Howard said he's confused. Benjy said they just fooled around like a week ago.
Howard said there seems to be something going on there. Benjy said she's just being nice to him. He said there are things in his life that are sad and she did that to cheer him up. Howard asked if it was personal. Benjy said they are still very sweet to each other.
Howard asked if he's going out with anyone. Benjy said no. Howard asked if she is naked when she's doing him. Benjy said that they love each other very much. Benjy asked if Howard had sex recently. Howard said he had it this weekend. Howard asked Robin if she's ever heard anything that bizarre. Robin said she hasn't.
Howard said this horrible movie Birdman is getting such great reviews and he doesn't get it. Howard said that he gets that people in Hollywood are into it because it's about their industry. Howard said that it's a horrible movie. He said it's overacted and pretentious. Howard said it's not an engaging story either. He said that it's just not good. Howard said some people wrote in and asked him to stop bashing the movie. Howard said that he hasn't seen Selma either. Howard said he won't see it. Robin said he never saw Schindler's List. Howard said that it's horrible to watch. Howard said he can't bring himself to watch. He said that he doesn't want to be depressed. Robin said that he acts like Foxcatcher isn't depressing. Howard said that's a different thing. Howard said that it's hard to watch some of these movies. Howard said Inglorious Bastards is kind of fun to watch. He said Django Unchained was good to watch too. He said they kill people in that movie. Robin was telling Howard that she thinks Selma would be good to see but Howard told her to just go see it because he's not. He said that he does have a copy from the Screen Actor's Guild. Howard said he'll give Robin that. Robin said she wants it. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Jim asked if he saw Paranormal Activity. Howard said he did and that was good but he doesn't like that kind of thing. Howard said that he wishes they never put out Jaws.
Jim asked Howard who is staying in the city tonight. Howard said Gary is. He said that anything over a foot of snow in that city is paralyzing. He said that he thinks the mayor will be on top of all of that but who knows. Robin said they have had a lot of warning so maybe they will be on top of it. Howard said the mayor could go a long way if he handles this correctly. He said there are a lot of moving parts.
Howard said he likes that the mayor said that they are suspending all school activities today. He said that once they know what's happening they'll decide on the school closings. Howard said that they tell you on the reports that you should get to work early so you can leave early. Howard said everyone is in a panic. Robin said they can get everyone into town but then they might have to cancel things later this afternoon. Gary said they say that after a foot of snow they have trouble running the railroad. He said they might have to close the long Island Expressway if it's as bad as they say. Howard said this will be a real emergency situation and they'll have to hunker down. Howard said you hope they're going to be wrong. Robin said they do miss sometimes with the forecast. Howard said you have to make sure you have everything arranged for the pets and all of that. Howard said they have put out all of the warnings but you have to use common sense.
Howard said they sort of have a game plan there but they're too lazy to discuss it. He said Gary and Jon Hein will stay in town. Gary said the essential staff will stay in town. Howard asked if Jon and Gary will share a room. Gary said they will not. He said he did book a room for tonight and Mary asked why he doesn't stay with Jon. He said he's a grown up and he doesn't have to do that.
Robin asked what Sal and Richard are going to do. Howard said he thinks that Sal and Richard will stay together and use this to consummate their relationship. Gary said Sal just heard about the storm this morning so he doesn't know what he's going to do. Howard asked how that's possible. He said Sal is a fucking idiot. Gary said he's not sure what Scott is going to do either. He said he may go home and not come in.
Howard told Sal to come in and explain himself. Sal said he was well aware of the blizzard. He said that he's not sure what the protocol was going to be. Howard said that he has to come up with that stuff on his own. Gary said he could have packed a bag. Sal said he needs his stuff though. Howard said Gary just asked him why he didn't bring it in. Sal said he wasn't sure how severe it was going to be. Howard said he wants to go home after coming in. Sal said he thought about doing that. Howard said he could have just packed a bag. Sal said he wants to go home and make sure everyone is safe there.
Howard said if Sal knew there was a problem he could have brought a bag that he packed with him. Sal said he should have. He said he didn't even ask Jon Hein if he could share a room with him. He said Jon won't even tell him where he's staying. Gary asked Sal why he isn't booing a room yet. Sal said he is booking a room in the city tonight. Howard said he could stay with Richard. Sal said Richard may not even get in. He said that he lives in Queens so he may not make it in. Howard said they should share a room. Sal said that would be fine but he didn't discuss it with him.
Howard said he wonders what Ronnie's plan is. Robin said Ronnie always makes sure he can get Howard in there. Howard said he does. Sal said he'll just wear the same clothes tomorrow. He said that lesbian bastard Jon Hein won't help him out. Sal asked if he can stay with Howard. Howard said no. He told Sal to help Jon out and book a room for the two of them. Sal said he'll to that. He said he'll get a room in the city and make sure he's there tomorrow.
Gary came in and said that Sal isn't being real. He said he really didn't know about the storm until this morning. Howard said he knows that. He said that Sal really didn't know about the storm. He would have had a bag if he knew. Jim wished them luck and Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's calling about the American Sniper thing. He said that people are calling snipers cowards and all of that. Howard said that he doesn't agree with that at all. He said they are not cowards. Howard said there's noting to even discuss there. Howard said it's just Michael Moore who is saying that. The caller said that Bill Maher came down on it too. Robin said he's done that before. Howard said some people like the film and some don't. Howard said that out of all of the people in the country only one thinks that they're cowards. Maybe two. He told the caller not to get upset about it. The caller was still upset and saying that you see the movie and you see what a hero the guy was. Howard said of course he was a hero.
Howard said he's still really upset about this football thing with the deflated footballs. Howard said he originally thought that it was fair for both sides. He said he thought they used the same football. Howard said it turns out they bring their own footballs. He said they are inspected before the game but then they are given the balls and they can control it a bit. Howard said that they should just use one football. He said if something happens to that one then they use another.
Howard said this Belichick guy really pisses him off. Howard played some of the audio from the press conference he did where he talked about what he knew about the situation. He claims he has nothing to do with the footballs. Robin said that he was saying that they should blame the weather or something. Howard said they shouldn't take us for idiots.
Howard played an edited clip of Belichick saying that his balls are wet, sticky, cold and however bad he can make them. Robin said she's glad he followed that up. Howard said that Tom Brady said it all too. Howard had another clip of Tom Brady saying things about his balls that the guys had edited together. They went to break a short time later.
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Scott came in and said that he has a plan. He said he'll probably have to stay home. He said he has to stay home. Howard asked why that is. Scott said he just has to stay home. Howard said they'll just have to fend for him tomorrow. Scott asked if he really wants to get into it. Howard asked if someone else is going to do his job tomorrow. Scott said whoever they think can do his job will do his job. Howard said they need someone to stare at his equipment to make sure it works. Scott said someone else will be able to do that. Scott said that he is needed at home so he's going to be at home. Howard said Gary, Jon, Will and all of those guys might be needed at home too. Howard said maybe he should stay home too. Scott said he should do that. Howard said he guesses Scott is going to use one of his vacation days. Howard thanked him for coming in. Howard said it sounds like a vacation to him. Scott said it's not a vacation. Scott said he has to take care of what he has to take care of at home. Robin said he's already decided not to come in. Scott said that hasn't happened. He said that he hasn't decided anything yet. Robin said that he will be needed at home. Scott said he may be needed at home. Robin asked how much snow it takes for him to stay home. Scott said if there is a raging blizzard he'll stay home.
Howard said maybe if he stays home and gets fired then everyone will be without a job and they can all stay home. Howard said he can live with that. Howard said maybe Scott can go home now because it is snowing so maybe he's needed at home. Howard said he thinks that they'll all be able to carry on without Scott. Howard said they'll do their best to make sure his job continues there. Scott said he appreciates that. Scott said they all have different situations at home. Howard said that's right. He asked if he will build a snowman at home. Scott said he will and he'll send in pictures.
Howard asked why he's not needed at home today. Scott said it depends on the power and he has to be there in case there is no power or anything like that. Howard said fair enough. Howard said he doesn't want to have a conversation off the air about this. Howard asked Scott if the power goes out what is he going to do. Scott said he will set up his generator and make sure he has heat. Howard asked if he has to be there for the generator. Scott said he does. He said it's a pull start. Howard asked if he can go to his house and start his power. Scott said his isn't automatic. He said if it was he would be there. Howard said Scott has to be home to pull the cord. Scott said that's right.
Robin said that he's going to stay home if he has power or not. She said that he might have to be there to pull the cord if the power goes out.
Howard asked Scott if he's so worried about taking care of his family then why does he smoke. Scott said that's a good point. Fred said that's called Irony. Scott said that he just can't do what the other guys are doing. He said he can't stay in the city. Howard said that he won't miss a beat without him. Scott said he's sure he'll be fine. Howard said that Scott is the one who got defensive. Howard said all he did was ask him what his plan was. Scott said that's fine. Howard said he will be there to hold their jobs down. Howard said that if he's there then Sirius will continue to empty them. Scott said thank you for that. Howard said he hopes he's stocked up on cigarettes.
Howard said that he's the one treating this like a job. He really was wondering if Scott is stocked up on cigarettes. Howard said that they could be interrupted with the storm. Howard asked why everyone gets so defensive when he asks them what their plan is. Howard said that they're all needed at home. He said he gets that. He said he just asks what their plan is and they go berserk. Howard said all he did was ask what their plan was. Howard said this is very entertaining.
Howard said he could ask some other people what their plans are. He was going to ask JD. JD said he lives in the city so he'll be there. He said he lives on the east side so he hopes he'll be there. He said he'll walk if he has to. Howard said he may have to walk. Robin said Ronnie usually has a plan. She said that Ronnie will get really early. She said he will work his way into the city to make sure he's there. Howard said Ronnie carried him on his back once. He said his feet never touched the ground. He said he's like a mule. Howard said that he thinks Ronnie has made arrangements to sleep at Rick's Cabaret tonight.
Howard said that you never know who the good hosts are going to be. He said that the ones you think will be good are shitty. He said that the guy who makes him laugh a lot on the show is that Keenan Thompson. He said that guy is really funny. Howard said he just spaced out and forgot his name. Howard said he's sorry about that. Howard said that Keenan is very funny. He said he plays Steve Harvey and he makes him laugh. Howard said he's gotten better and better as the seasons have gone by. Howard said the guy is really good on SNL.
Howard said Riley Martin was on the air the other night and something was wrong with him. He said that he was eating cookies or something during the show. Howard played a clip of Riley talking about cookies and he was slurring his words so bad that it was hard to understand what he was saying. Howard played another clip where Riley had a coughing attack. Riley was coughing so much that he wasn't able to get on the microphone to answer. Howard played another clip where Riley had another coughing fit. He was trying to answer the guy and slurring his words and then broke into another coughing fit.
Howard said that's some show. Robin said that they can't stop it. They have to let the information get out there. Howard said that he wonders if Eron ever wonders what he's doing with his life. He said he hopes he has something other than that going on. Howard said that stuff is so great.
Howard said that Benjy is embarrassing. Howard said he's into some weird stuff. Howard said that he's slovenly and all of that. Howard said there's Gary too. Howard said he's a good dad and a family man. Howard said he loves JD. He said that he is kind of embarrassing though. He asked how you explain him? He said he must have Aspergers or something. Howard said that Ronnie is kind of embarrassing too. He said Sal is a huge embarrassment. He said Richard is too. He said he has a good heart but he's an alcoholic.
Howard said Will and Jason are good guys. He said Jason is kind of slovenly but he's a great guy. Howard said that Jon Hein would be a great daughter.
Howard said that's some crew he has there. He said Benjy kind of knows how to behave. He said Richard might say something stupid. Robin said that Sal has calmed down a bit. Robin said there were many gaffs before that. Robin said that Sal didn't even know he was being inappropriate. She said that he'll do something and not know he's doing something wrong.
Howard said he thinks that JD would be embarrassing. Howard said that he just sits there rocking back and forth. Howard said that they'd think that he has a special needs child. Howard said he sort of looks like him if he had a retarded kid. Fred said that he would be Howard's ''Trig'' like Sarah Palin's kid. Howard said that Ronnie is embarrassing too. Robin said it would be between Ronnie and Sal. Howard said he thinks that he'll go with Sal. He said that it might be Ronnie though. He said he can be normal though. Howard said he might be back on Benjy now. Robin said Benjy might bring a crazy date. Howard said that he's sat with him at the Christmas party and he's not that bad.
Gary said that he did take JD to a party once and he spent most of the party watching the Reds game on his phone. Howard said he's going with JD then. He said that he's in a corner like a mental patient. JD said he talked to people there too. Howard said no one wanted to talk to him there. Howard said that he'd be an embarrassing son. Howard said he's with web cam girls too. Howard said that he's the embarrassing one. JD told Wolfie to shut up a couple of times. Especially when he brought up the web cam girl he had put peanut butter on herself and had a dog lick it off. Howard played JD a song parody about his web cam girls. Howard said he's going to go with JD as the most embarrassing. Howard said it was almost Ronnie though.
Howard said that he says good morning to JD and he just mumbles something. JD said they have hung out a couple of times and he wasn't anti-social. Howard said it was just them though. He said that it's not the same.
Wolfie said that JD can't even swim said it would be embarrassing if he drowned at a party. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Sal would be really embarrassing at a party. Gary said Sal once drew a big dick on the face of a picture of a woman they were holding a party for. He said he drew a dick and semen on the picture. Howard asked if Sal once unplugged a TV at a party once. Gary said that Sal went to the party on New Years Eve and when it got to the countdown at 4 he pulled the plug on the TV. He said he didn't understand why his wife was so mad at him. Robin said that Sal does a lot of things like that. Howard said it's not JD then. It's Sal.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to comment on the Aspergers thing he was talking about. She said that it's under the autistic umbrella. She said her son has that and comparing his staff to that is wrong. Howard told her to stop it, she's being silly. Howard said that JD has mental retardation then. Howard said that's so silly. Howard said he doesn't know what Aspergers is. He said he knows it's an affliction.
Howard said that you have to be so careful about what you say. Howard said over the weekend he got a google alert about how he said something so shocking about Sam Smith. Howard said that they said he called him a fat, one hit wonder, gay guy. Howard said he played back what he said and he had no problem with it. Howard said he said he liked the song he had and said it was going to be a one hit wonder. Howard said he's sort of fat and he doesn't care about his looks and he's gay and the girls don't care. Howard said they took those words and made it sound like he called him fat and gay. Howard said he thought it was funny how they turned it into some crazy statement. Howard said he can see how they can take his words the wrong way. Howard said he's talking off the top of his head so who knows what he's going to say. Howard said that he said Aspergers and that word sounds funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Gwyneth Paltrow smelled. Howard said he doesn't remember bur she was so attractive. Howard said that he didn't pop a boner like Gary did on stage that time. Howard said she just looks really good. The caller said that's great. Howard let the caller and Wolfie go after that.
Howard said that Chet Haze, Tom Hanks' son, was on one of the rap channels there and they were goofing on him quite a bit. Howard said that was on the Eminem channel and he has to listen to that later. Howard said that it was kind of strange. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that the Kitten Bowl is going to be on this weekend. She also mentioned that they're doing the AGT auditions too. Mariann told Howard that she had a crush on Jon Leiberman and she thinks that he treated them so well and with so much respect. Howard said everyone in the Wack Pack is in mourning over that show. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard asked Bruce what he will do to look more feminine. Bruce said he did shave off his Adam's apple. Howard said he should shave his down. Bruce said he knows a guy. He said he can give him his name. Robin came back after going to the bathroom and Howard introduced the two. Howard said that this is the prettiest man on the planet. Bruce said he still has male genitalia. He said he just added a vagina.
Howard asked Bruce if he has changed his name to Brucilla. Bruce said that is true. Howard asked if that's what he'd like them to call him. Bruce said he'd like to see if it sticks. Howard said Robin wanted to be called Ophelia. That didn't stick. Howard said they'll call him Brucilla from now on.
Howard said another rumor is that Kendall Jenner doesn't exist and it's actually Bruce in drag. Brucilla said that is true. He said they never photograph her from behind. He said he has to tuck everything in there.
Howard asked Bruce if it's true that he is thinking of making a sex tape. Brucilla said that he is thinking of doing a tape with Dustin Diamond. He said he has some names of people that he'd like to do movies with. He gave Howard some movie names that he'd think about doing.
Howard said they say that he wants to get a Kim Kardashian sized ass implant. Bruce said he is thinking about that. He said that he practices with a pillow shoved in his pants. He said it's very comfortable. Howard said he would like to have that. Brucilla said that it just seems nice.
Howard said that they got a name for his porno and it would just be Dustin Diamond Fucks Bruce Jenner. Brucilla said that's kind of catchy.
Howard asked if it's true that he's coming out with a line of Mantyhose. Bruce said he is. He said that women's pantyhose just don't work for a man. He said there's too much to put in there.
Howard asked Bruce about coming out with his own cereal like Wheaties. Brucilla said that he is going to do that too. Howard said they invited him to his birthday show last year but he didn't come. Brucilla told Howard he has an idea for a gift. Howard said that he's not sure what's going on genitally but he'd like him to sit on the Sybian. Brucilla said that he would do that. He said he has an asshole and a vagina combined so it's actually a Vasshole.
Howard had Gary come in to turn on the Sybian for him. He said if he feels nothing then just be honest about it. Howard told him to take off his Mantyhose and feel the Sybian. Gary came in and started the Sybian for him. Bruce said he's going to put the whole thing on there and see what happens. They started out and Bruce said that feels nice. He said something is happening there. He said he might squirt. He told Gary to turn it down a little. He kept going and turned it up. Bruce let it out. Howard said that Gary is dripping wet. Brucilla said that he had multiple orgasms. He said that was with his Vasshole.
Howard said that Brucilla will stay with them for the news. Howard said he can stick around for that. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever wanted to spank Kylie or Kendall when they were growing up. Howard said they just learned that Kendall didn't exist. Brucilla said he never did spank them. He said that he is an open book today.
Howard said that there's another story in the paper about how to be a better marketer in the business by learning from Howard Stern. Howard said that he didn't even read the story. He said he's not going to read an article with a title like that. Then Howard read the article to Bruce and Robin. Howard said that someone named Emily wrote that. He said that she's been content marketing since 6th grade.
Howard said that he took one of these online polls and they say that you will learn if you side with the republicans or democrats more. Howard said it turns out he's most on the Democratic side. He said it's pretty much split down the middle though. Robin said the numbers didn't add up to 100 either. Howard said it wasn't conclusive. Howard said he seems to be more in tune with the republicans when it comes to economics. Howard said he is for affirmative action and thins like that. Howard said he answered all of the questions and he's sure Robin would end up in the same place he was.
Howard said that Al Michaels and Rich Eisen were talking about him and they were practically beating off to him. Howard said he likes that. He said it was a love fest. Howard said it's almost embarrassing to play but he loves it. Howard played the clip and both Al and Rich were talking about just how great Howard's show is. Al was talking about how great it is to do the show. Howard said that's really nice.
Howard said that the best clip of the week is this woman who freaked out about missing the ferry. Howard said she was on line to buy a ticket and when they tell her the ferry left she freaks out. Howard played the clip and the woman was screaming just seconds after she found out.
Howard said that he doesn't talk to Beth a lot about the jerking off. He said that he's back to watching Banshee. He said that show is back on and so is Justified. Howard said it bugs the shit out of him that the studios don't send that stuff to him. He said Jon Hein gets them. Howard said he doesn't have Justified but Jon Hein does. Howard said that he knows a ton of famous people who get movies at their house but he can't get them. Howard said that he has a friend who gets them all and this guy never mentions them once. Howard said that he actually talks about them and for the most part he's positive.
Gary said that the people from FX set up that DAX thing for Howard. Howard said it's unusable. Gary said they say that he has them on that system. Howard said he can't operate that way. Robin said she was the one who turned Howard on to those things. She wondered why he has them and she doesn't. Howard told her to calm down. Howard said it's every man for himself over there.
Speech Impediment Man asked a question that no one could understand. Howard asked what his speech impediment is from. Speech said he was in an accident as a child and that screwed him up. He said he can still fuck his wife though. Howard asked if he has brain damage. Howard told him to try to talk normal. Speech asked what he wanted to hear. Howard told him to say ''The Rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'' Speech did that but it sounded the same. Speech said that he used to take speech in school and if he slows down and takes his time he can say the words but he still has problems with S's and things. Howard asked if he was wearing a seat belt in the car. Speech said he was like 3 years old and he was in the front seat being held by his sister. Howard asked if he's pissed at his parents for letting that happen. Speech said he's got no problem. Howard asked if he's upset about his sister not taking the impact. Speech said she's fine. He said that she's a school teacher in California.
Howard asked if his parents feel guilty at all. Speech said his father left when he was like 2. He said his mother died in 1976 from ''Liver of the cancer.'' Howard asked if he can work. Speech said he can work and things. Howard asked him a math question and he was able to answer that quickly. Howard said maybe JD was in a car crash when he was young. Howard asked if his dad was driving drunk when they were in the accident. Speech said that it was his mom who was driving. He said his dad was probably home drinking. He said his dad came home and got in a fight with his mom so his brother took a baseball bat to him. He said he's probably dead by now. He said he did get a call from his dad when he graduated from high school. He said his brother told him not to step food on their property or he'd shoot him. He said he had a fucked up family. Howard let Speech go a short time later. They played him out with one of his theme songs.
Howard said he loves when he does the Perez Hilton voice. Kyle did some of that too. Howard asked if he heard the day that Perez fingered Benjy. Kyle said he did. He did his Perez voice a little bit. Howard said he might be the only guy who does that voice. Kyle said that many of the voices he does are only done by him. Howard said he loves that Perez voice. He had him do that a couple of times.
Howard said that Kyle is doing well. Kyle said he is. He said there are some years that have been tough. Howard asked if he's ever tried out for SNL. Kyle said he did. He said that he went in once to audition and there was a guy who was going to count him in but he went in and they didn't count. He said that he just stood there until Lorne Michaels asked if he was okay. He said that they may have been fucking with him. He said he did a Bill Maher voice there. He said he didn't get the job there. He said everything has worked out fine since then though.
Howard said that Kyle could try out for the show again. Kyle said that he thinks he's too old at this point. He said he's 43. Howard said that maybe he's right. He said that he could cut that part of the show out and have him just say he's 33. Kyle tried that but he said 43 again.
Howard said that this season on AGT he's going to be really honest with the contestants. Howard said he will tell them how they can win it. He said he will ask if they want to be serious artists or win the show and see which way they want to go. Howard said he's not sure if that will work out by the time he gets to the show.
Howard asked if he wants to be Perez Hilton for the rest of her show. Kyle said sure in his Perez voice. Howard said maybe he can just be Kyle.
Howard said he's really nervous about this snow storm. Howard said he feels like an old lady walking in the snow these days. He said that he realized that he was walking like that but it's just because he doesn't want to fall. Howard said he's very tall so he has a long way to fall. He said that he's nervous about this weather. Howard said he isn't into it at all and not looking forward to it. Howard said he's supposed to have a meeting on Thursday and he's not sure if that will happen. Robin said they're already canceling flights. Kyle said he has to fly to L.A. this week. Howard asked if he lives out there. Kyle said he does. Howard said he dated Sarah Silverman. Kyle said he did and when they broke up he was bummed because he hadn't met Howard yet. Howard asked if he hooked up with Amy. Kyle said he can't say either way. Howard said he must have then. Kyle said he is in the comedy world so that's who he dates.
Howard asked who broke up with who in the Sarah thing. Kyle said it was a mutual thing. He said they never got past that 4 month thing. He said that it just sort of fell apart. Howard said that it's weird when something ends like that. Howard said Amy is cute. Kyle said she's very cute. Howard said maybe just stay with her. Kyle said he's not dating her. Howard asked if she's high maintenance. Kyle said she's perfect and not high maintenance at all. He said she's just really busy now. Howard said that you want a girl to be available but successful too. Robin said you can't have both.
Howard said Kyle must be fun in bed. He asked if he does his Donald Sterling voice in bed. Kyle said that's all he does. Howard asked if he's fucking anyone. Kyle said he's seeing a couple of people now. He said there were years he went solo. He said he had a lot of hand work. Howard said that Sarah must be hard to be with too. Kyle said there's someone for everyone. Howard said that he loves Sarah but he's never been in a relationship with her. Howard asked if he has ever fucked Margaret Cho. Kyle said he fucked her in the butt. He was joking around. Howard asked if he ever fucked Jerry Seinfeld. Kyle said he blew a load on his face. Howard asked about Tina Fey and Whitney Cummings. Kyle said he's met Whitney a couple of times. He said he never tried to get her. Howard said maybe Chelsea Handler. Kyle said he has to get a pen and paper. Howard gave him those names and suggested a couple more.
Robin got to her news and mentioned Richard Simmons. Robin said he is okay. Robin said that he was rumored to be missing but he's fine. She said that he was wearing a bard when they went to check on him.
Howard asked Kyle if he would rather sleep with Sarah or Amy. Kyle said he can't answer that. He said he doesn't want to upset anyone.
Howard had Richard Simmons clips on the phone. He played along with that for a few seconds and then hung up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Kyle about being in his 40s and never having been married. Kyle said that's right. He said he wasn't ready in the past. He said he thinks that his next relationship might be a long term one. Howard asked if he would rather have a baby with Amy or Sarah. Kyle went with Amy on that one. Howard said he really doesn't think that he'd upset either one with the sex thing. Howard said that he thinks they'd find it funny. Kyle said they were both top notch. Howard said that he would think that Sarah was kinkier. Kyle almost answered. He said he pictures her freaking out about to hear his answer. Kyle said he's sweating now.
Robin read about an auction of Abe Lincoln memorabilia. Howard said he got in on that to get the top had so he'd be 7'2'' tall. Robin read about some of the things that sold and one was a piece of Lincoln's hair. Howard said that's gross. they were talking about how weird Lincoln was with the facial hair and all of that. Kyle mentioned that Howie Mandel had that weird hair thing on his face. Howard said he doesn't want to goof on Howie. Kyle said he actually worked with him on his show ''Howie Do It.'' He said that they all had to fist bump on the show and Howie would get upset if they didn't do that. He said he likes Howie but he got upset with him for washing his clothes in his tub. Howard asked if he's not nice to people he works with. Kyle said he's very nice. It was just that one thing. Howard asked who told Howie about the clothes washing thing. Kyle said it was one of the producers. Kyle said Howie was really upset too. Robin read more about the Lincoln auction and how the hair ended up in there.
Robin asked if someone is marrying for the second time then what do you worry about. Howard said that you worry about marrying again and again. Robin asked what precautions you take. Howard said that he'd make sure he was ready by going to therapy. Howard said he thinks he had a good handle on things when he married Beth. Robin said you have to protect your finances. Howard said that's right. Robin said you have to get a pre-nup. Robin said a lot of people don't do these things. They end up getting post nuptial agreements instead. Robin said she can't imagine doing that. Howard said maybe you should just give up at that point. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the most dangerous sexual position for a man. Howard said he thinks that it's when a woman is on top. Robin said it is known as ''cowgirl''. Howard said that it's that or reverse cowgirl. Robin said they say that it's because of the woman being in control of the motion. Howard said his balls are in a bunch hearing this. Robin said that it's the most dangerous for a man's penis. Robin said it can lead to a penile fracture. Robin said doggy style is in second place. Robin said even men on top can cause a problem. Howard said he's never had that problem. He knocked on some wood in the studio after saying that.
Robin read a story about it being national spouse day today. Robin read the details of that.
Robin had some SAG awards updates that she went through. She had some audio of Michael Keaton accepting an award for Birdman. Howard said he's still a good looking guy for his age. Kyle said he stole a girl from him once. He said he worked that girl for like a year and then Keaton came over and took her. He said she just wasn't into him though. Howard said he's chased that dream too. He said if it doesn't work out after a couple of days then just move on. Robin had Howard play some more clips from the SAG awards. Howard ended up doing his Stephen Hawking impression during that. Howard was showing the guys his face and Robin thought it was his Elephant Man face. Howard said that's what it is. Howard said that's an Oscar winner right there. He did some visuals for Robin and Robin said that he did look frustrated when he was trying to do that. Howard also played a bit where they had him playing the part of Elephant Man. Howard said he would love to play a part like that. He wished someone would give him a role like that.
Robin read about the blizzard that's supposed to hit the east coast today and tomorrow. Robin had some audio of a weather report. Howard said he'd like to do the show from Florida but no guests are going to come down there. Robin said they say that they could get up to 3 feet of snow in some areas. Robin said the airlines are already canceling flights. Howard said they may have to do their show from their apartments tomorrow. Robin said she's not sure she knows where her equipment is. Howard said he's not sure either.
Robin read about Joe Franklin dying. Robin had some details about Joe's life and had some audio of him for Howard to play too.
Robin read a story about the Miss Universe pageant and had some audio from that when they announced that Miss Columbia had won. Robin said the winner was 22 years old.
Robin read about the discussions that are going on about the military after the movie American Sniper came out. She had some audio for Howard to play about that.
Robin read a story about how one of the Japanese hostages was killed by ISIS. Robin said they are still demanding things from Japan and not killing the second one yet. Robin said that President Obama is going to Saudi Arabia this week to talk to the new King there. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read a story about a small drone being found on the White House grounds. Robin said they aren't giving details about it or if it was a threat. Howard said it shouldn't even make it on the property.
Robin said that in New York they're having issues between the police and the community. Robin said there's a rap song that came out just a couple of weeks before some people were killed by the police. Robin had Howard play some of that. Howard said he has no idea what the guy is singing about.
Robin read about Paul McCartney teaming up with Kanye West and Rihanna for another song. Robin had some of the song for Howard to play. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon said that they have a lot to get to today but they have to start off with the blizzard. He said that the big part of the storm is coming later today. Jon said that some people don't think it's a big deal but he does. He said he thinks that it might cause some big problems there in the city. Jon said that Scott wants to stay home tomorrow and Sal didn't even know about it until this morning.
Jon took a call from a guy who said a couple of years ago they got 14 inches of snow and he left his wife and kids at home because he had to open his restaurant. He said he got stuck on the freeway for 14 hours. He said Scott should get to work. Jon said that Howard sets a precedent that's hard to follow. He said that he would like to be home with his wife too but he has a job to do. He said he has made arrangements to be there at work. He said it's a touch decision to make. He said that's why they call work ''work.''
Jon said that he wants to go over what they're playing on Sternthology today. He said they're going to be playing some Rappin' Granny stuff today so he's going to play a preview of that as they go to break. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's listening to him talking about Howard setting the standard. He said that he's not sure where they live but Howard probably only lives a couple of blocks from the station. He said that everyone else might come from a distance. He said they may have kids and wives and things like that. Jon said he hit a few things there. He said Howard is nearby but he's always had that work ethic. He said that Howard has told countless stories about showing up for work whenever duty called. He said that he's not coming from a position of privilege. He said with Scott he just asked what his plan was and Scott got very defensive. He said that it turned into a vacation day discussion and Howard got under his skin. He said Scott says he'll be there if he can. Jon said that if the boss is coming in then you should make your way to work. He said he's not sure it's different in any other job. Jon said he has a long trip to Long Island and he made sure to book a hotel to make sure he's at work. Jon said that's his job and that's what he has to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this goes back to the K-Rock days. He said that Scott was part of the union and he feels entitled to take the day off. He said that he feels he should be able to take the day off. He said he has a grown son who is an adult now. He said he's not sure why he has to be home. Jon said he thinks Scott wants to be there at work but he has to take care of his house and family first. That's the decision he made. Jon said he gets there very early too. He said the storm is supposed to hit really hard tonight into tomorrow. He said it might be tough for him to get there. Jon said Sal didn't really prepare for it either. He said you don't want to disappoint the boss. He said that you'd better get there one way or another.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked who Jon thinks won't show up tomorrow. Jon said just Scott. He said he thinks everyone else will show up. Jon said he thinks that Sal will stay in the city and everyone else may make it in. He said that's unless the subway stops running. The caller said she thinks that it will just be Scott too.
Jon said that someone tweeted asking if Scott is going bowling tonight. Jon said that's not fair. He said that he's sure he wants to be there. Jon said someone else tweeted asking if they can depend on Gary to be there. Jon said that Gary will be there and they have gotten hotel rooms to say in the city. Jon said they won't be rooming together though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's amazing that Howard never takes a day off when something like this happens. He said most people would take off. The caller said he's surprised that Jon and Gary aren't getting a room together. Jon said he brought the lube but that's not happening.
Jon took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that Howard's work ethic is a little insane. He said that the most they've ever gotten up there is 28 inches. He said that if it's 3 feet in the city then they're going to be screwed. Jon said that it does sound like it's going to be a lot but it hasn't fallen yet. Jon said that last year he changed his tune on this. He said that they warn you about the storms and then you just get a couple of inches. He said that it's not as bad as they say it's going to be. Jon said that last year he thought that was the case but then they got slammed. He said this year he knows that snow is coming and it's going to shut down a lot of stuff. He said he's preparing accordingly. Jon said that Howard has a work ethic he got from his dad and if you can be at work then you go. He said they all follow Howard's lead.
Jon said that Lisa G is there with her Howard 100 news headlines. Lisa ran down those headlines and talked about the storm with Jon a little bit. They went to break after that.
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Gary said that one time Tom Chiusano wanted him and Fred to share a room when they did a show road trip. Gary said they said no way to that. He said there was no reason not do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he worked in a bank in Florida and they had to go in during hurricanes. He said that the thing with them is the lack of planning. He said they just don't show up to work because of that. He said he thinks that most of them will show up to work tomorrow though. Jon asked Gary if he thinks Sal didn't plan on purpose. Gary said that he chose not to plan. He said he put himself in a position so he doesn't have to deal with it. He said now he didn't and he'll be stuck in the same clothes for two days. Gary said he thinks that Sal was thinking he wouldn't be alone. Jon said that he thinks that he planned on doing something once he knew what everyone else was doing. Jon said he is happy to help a friend but he's a big boy so he should make plans. Gary said he didn't send a note out yesterday saying that they have to figure it out. He said everyone is a grown up. He said he's not sure Sal knew about the storm. He said he asked him why he didn't bring a bag and he said he was just gambling that it wouldn't be bad.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he would love for Sal to pack and overnight bag so Howard can go through it on the air. He said that would be radio gold. Jon said that would be great. Jon said he's sure Aveeno cream would be in there. Gary said all of the clothes and shaving kit would be in there too. Gary said he has some hair gel and things like that too. Jon said that Sal would have a separate make up bag. Gary and Jon went back and forth talking about all of the stuff Sal would need for that bag.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is a broadcaster so that's where the work ethic comes from. He said that it's a national show and he has to be at work. He said that's what he did on 9/11. Jon said he understands what he's saying but this is instilled in Howard and it's been there since he was 6 years old. He said he has taken it to a whole new level. He said Howard just won't take a day off like people think he would.
Gary said back in 1986 they had a hurricane and he asked Howard if they were working. He said Howard told him of course they were. He said he had to make his way into work when no one else was there. He said that was the day that NBC was going to fire him. He said they didn't because they didn't show up for work. He said Howard did and management didn't.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wants to show Gary support on the show. He said that his dad came down hard on his older brother and he thinks that Gary is an all around great player. Jon said that Howard passed over Gary as the worst son very quickly today. Gary said he was making a point about JD going to parties and he does not perform well at them. He said that's what he was talking about today. Gary said even if you told him to keep his phone in his pocket then he'd still be different.
Jon said they had a poll up today and he has the results. Jon asked Gary who he would pick to be the most embarrassing. Gary said he loves JD so he can't say that. He said Sal amuses him and Richard's drinking is okay but Benjy is one that he can't be positive about. He said there's a 98 percent chance that he won't listen to you. Jon said 47 percent of the votes were for Benjy. Sal came in second with Ronnie and JD following.
Howard started the show talking about why they were starting the show early. They were all able to get in early. He said the streets are clear and they still haven't lifted the ban on the cars on the road. He said there's no reason for it. Howard said that they haven't lifted it yet and there is no reason for it. Fred wasn't able to find a cab to get in. Fred said they're pulling people over and ticketing them for driving. Howard said the mayor must be out sledding. He said they did such a great job clearing the streets. Robin said there are no busses or subways running.
Howard said they did a beautiful job clearing the streets but now the city is shut down. Howard said that Scott the Engineer is home. He said they have a microphone on him now pulling the cord. Howard played a bit they put together of that. Howard said that he's a fucking asshole. Howard said Scott told Howard 100 News that he's going to go bowling. Howard played some audio of Scott talking about how if conditions permit he will be out bowling. Gary said Richard just got there after an hour and 45 minute walk. Gary said he had to walk over the bridge from Queens.
Howard said cars can get in just fine. The bridges are closed though. Howard said the MTA has shut down the subway and they don't have a timeline for opening it up. Howard asked why that is. Howard said they scare the living shit out of you and they're completely wrong.
Howard said he has a conspiracy theory. He said the only way to get high ratings on TV is to have a weather scare. Howard said they are telling people to be safe out there and there's nothing happening. Howard said his point is that Fred had to walk to work. He said cabs can be running. He said they still haven't opened up the city. Robin said that up north they're getting socked but not there in the city. Howard said out east they got like 30 inches. Robin said that it will be eventually but it's not snowing in the city.
Howard said that they're there and they've been there since 5:30 so they figured they'd get on the air and do the show. Robin said they're supposed to start at 7. Howard said Bobo is already on the phone. Howard picked up on him and said he's got his questions already. Bobo said he was calling his son to check the house up there. Bobo said the house is sold but they have to check it to make sure it's fine.
Howard asked Bobo how it is down in Florida. Bobo said it's in the upper 50s down there. Howard said it must be in the shitty part of Florida if that's the case. Howard said 50 is fine by him. Bobo asked if Howard brought his parents to his house or anything. Howard said that the snow isn't that bad so he doesn't have to worry about that. He let Bobo go after that. They played him out with a song parody.
Howard played a Ronnie Mund tip for the snow storm. Ronnie was talking about how he'd have his cock out and be listening to some tunes on his drive into the city. Howard asked what a rabbit skin glove is because he mentioned that in the clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he should stop by Gracie mansion to ask what's up with the Mayor. Howard said the snow didn't happen as bad as they thought and the roads are okay. He said it's time to open up the city and get back to work. Robin said there was a reporter shooting video at 9 last night and everyone had shut down their shops. She said it was like a ghost town.
Howard said High Pitch Eric freaked out and thought that he was going to run out of food. He played a bit an impersonator created doing both Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric voices. Eric was eating Joey's leg in the bit.
Sal came in and said that he prepared for 3 days of stuff. He said he heard the railroad could be closed for 3 days. Sal said there is no makeup in there. Gary said it's a lot of clothes. He was going through his bag to see what was in there. Howard asked if Sal sprayed his hair with hair spray. Sal said he did. Howard said he's such a dick head. Howard said not one guy there wears hair spray.
Sal said he has Q-tips in there and things like that. Gary said he uses them to put the cream on spots he can't get to. Sal said he doesn't have a makeup bag in there. Sal said he used what the hotel brought him. He said he has 3 days of clothes in there.
Ronnie found something that got a laugh out of the guys. Ronnie came in and showed them something. Gary said he must have gotten the make up bag out of there. Howard said Sal ran home to get makeup. JD said that Ronnie is trying to get into Sal's office back there. Howard said it's true that he went home to get makeup. Gary said he denied having one. Sal locked the door back there.
Ronnie came back and said that he got the bag. He said he told Sal he has to be a team player. Gary said Sal tells them about a lot of the stuff but who knows what else is in there. Gary went through the bag and found Therabreath, deodorant, Rogaine... Howard said Sal ran home to get Rogaine. Gary said he found a trimmer and toothpaste. Howard said he had to have thrown stuff out. Gary found some makeup. It was a concealer. Jason said that Sal threw something into the garbage back there. Howard asked what he threw away. Sal said he didn't get the concealer out in time.
Howard asked Sal why he lies to him. Sal said he didn't. He said he doesn't want him to go through his bag. He said his shit is being raided. Howard said he lied. Sal said he didn't lie. Howard said he told them he didn't bring any products with him. Sal said he didn't have them in the room. Howard asked what the shame is. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard said he has makeup in there. Sal said that's the shame. Sal said he has some blemishes that he has to cover up. Howard said that's what he ran home for? Sal said he ran home for all of that stuff.
Howard said this is a guy who takes his cock out and this is what embarrasses him. Sal said he gets embarrassed by things. Howard said he does not. He said he will draw cum all over a woman's face at a party but then he's embarrassed by this. Howard asked Ronnie how he got the bag. Ronnie said he told him he had to be a team player.
Ronnie said he looked in the garbage and under the desk. He said he thinks he was hiding the Rogaine. Sal said he's proud of that. He said it's been helping his hair out a little bit. Howard said he has a full head of hair. He said there's no reason for it. Sal said he's losing it. Howard said Rogaine doesn't work. Sal said it does.
Howard asked what it was that he was so embarrassed by. He said he wants to know the truth. He told Sal to let go and just let them know. Howard said that he has to let his inhibitions out. Sal said he wants to look good. He said it goes back to his school days. He said he wanted the Rogaine and some of the other stuff. Howard said this would be a great comedy bit if he came clean. Howard said he could have let them know. He said that he braved the storm to get this stuff. Sal said he has the dark circles under his eyes and he has to cover that up. Howard said he could have bought it in the city. Sal said that this is special stuff that he researched. Howard said that he's such a girl. Sal said he told him to be a comedian. Howard said he just told him that to get him to tell them what's going on.
Howard asked about the Therabreath stuff. Sal said his wife tells him he has bad breath sometimes and that stuff works really well.
Howard played a song parody about Sal's racoon eyes. Sal said that middle eastern people think that he's one of them so he gets free coffee at a Dunkin' Donuts.
Sal showed Howard some of the other stuff in his bag. Sal said he has stuff he brushes into his beard that colors it. He said that he keeps one in his desk to cover up. Howard said he should wear a dress. He said he should have gotten high heels and a dress. Sal said that's not very nice. Howard said everyone is bored now. Sal said that the concealer is Conceal FX.
Howard asked if Sal jerked off at the hotel last night. Sal said he did. He said he used his phone. Sal said they should have blizzards more often. Howard told him to get out of there. He said everyone is bored with him. Howard said even when he came clean he's not a comedian.
Howard said that Fred walked to work because there were no cabs. He said Sal ran home to get his concealer. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said that he watched The Bachelor last night and he thinks this guy is the dumbest one ever. He said the girls are gorgeous though. He said that they are in bikinis and it's great. Howard said the TV camera isn't forgiving and the girls still looks amazing. Howard said their bodies are impeccable. Howard said this guy is a farmer and he's a simple guy. Howard said if they tested his IQ he'd be like an 80. He said he thinks he'd be ''dull'' if he was tested. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel asked him if he has people on the farm or is he alone there. Howard said as long as he sticks to the script the guy is fine. He said that one girl confronted him last night and the guy didn't know what to do. Howard said one of the girls thought that the other girls skinny dipping was wrong and asked him why he let that happen. Howard said that this guy tried to answer the question and you have to hear it.
Howard played a clip of the Bachelor trying to tell this one woman why that was all going down. Howard said he's never heard anyone so inarticulate since JD. The guy had nothing to say. Howard said Gary the Conqueror has more to say than that guy. Howard said he has no ability to speak.
Robin said last week they crashed a wedding and he wasn't able to speak. She said if it wasn't for that one girl then he wouldn't have had anything to say. Howard said as long as he's on a script he has something to say. Howard said he thinks he must have fallen off a tractor and hit his head or something. Howard said that there's no way any of these girls are into him. He said the guy is a mess.
Howard said Ronnie is wearing plenty of Mambo this morning. He said he brought it in and doused himself with it. He said if he's going to bring it in he might as well get some use out of it. He said maybe the bottle broke on his head. Howard asked if he brought the bottle with him. Ronnie said he had a whole kit like Sal does. Ronnie said he usually puts it on an hour or so before he sees him. He said today they were sitting in the front together. Howard said that he would watch Ronnie on the Bachelor. They played the Ronnie Loves Mambo song parody.
Howard asked if Ronnie really has rabbit fur gloves. Ronnie said it's inside. He said he did cum in them years ago. He said that it's nice and soft. Howard asked about him jerking off. Ronnie said he did that because he needed to relax. That led to them playing that bit where he talks about doing that.
Howard said that Ronnie is a simple man. He said he doesn't need much. Howard said he's not relaxed that much that he can do that. Howard let Ronnie go after that. Howard said he's like a caveman. He said he takes care of his own needs when he has to. Howard said that he's a complete throw back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the latest Bill Cosby accuser says that Cosby looked at her and had no idea that he did anything to her. Robin said this woman doesn't want anything from Cosby but she is talking about what happened to her. Gary said that she was 21 at the time she claims he did something to her. Howard said the whole thing with the wife and the accusers is that the wife lets them play pool with Cosby and stuff like that. Howard said that everyone is innocent until proven guilty but c'mon. Howard said that something is going on there. Robin said they are up to 30 accusers. Howard said that it's remarkable that it's Cosby.
Howard said he would never want to have sex with someone who isn't under their own belief system. Howard said that he doesn't understand the thoughts of a rapist. He said he has a mother, sister, daughters and a wife. He said he could never do this to a woman. Robin said that this woman had been hanging out with him for a while. Robin said they were going to go to see a movie and Cosby allegedly told her to take a pill. He asked her if she didn't trust him. She took the pill and doesn't remember anything about that night. Robin said she woke up in the bed nude and he was in a terry cloth robe.
Howard said Cosby is consumed with the whole Spanish Fly thing and he thinks it's the greatest thing ever. Howard said it's not. He said it's despicable. Howard said there is knock out porn and he won't even watch that. Howard said he's a creep and he won't even watch that. Howard said that he does watch some other creepy stuff but not the knock out stuff. Howard said in real life he's an easy going guy. Howard said if a woman is into him then that's fine. He said he would never pay for sex no matter how bad things get.
Howard said just imagine that this is true. He said it's Bill Cosby. He said he won't even say doody in his stand up act and he yells at comedians not to work blue. He said he tells young guys to pull their pants up and lectures them about other things. Howard said that's the guy being accused of doing these horrible things.
The caller asked if Howard has heard what's going on with Bubba lately. Howard wasn't aware of the radio war that he's in. Howard said Bubba is always at war and that's why he loves him. The caller said the station he was working for turned to a talk format and they brought in people who were like Bubba. Howard said he feels for Bubba. Howard said he knows what those wars can be like. Howard said he has been in some of them.
Howard said he and Bubba do email once in a while. He said Bubba is doing okay from what he knows. Howard said that Bubba will get married some day. He said that he needs to be chained like King Kong.
Howard said people want to know about Arnold Schwarzenegger and what he thinks about his son dating Miley Cyrus. Howard said they asked Arnold (Not the real Arnold) about the situation and this is what he had to say. He played a clip of Arnold talking about how upset he is about the whole situation. Howard said Arnold started a rant and these are the things he said. He had some more clip of the Arnold impersonator going off on the situation. He would go off on Miley in one clip and then say that he'd like her to sit on his bratwurst in another.
Howard said Arnold mentioned Robin too. He had a clip of the fake Arnold talking about what he'd like to do to her. Howard said he's crazy about Robin.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that Melissa Rivers filed a lawsuit yesterday. Howard said that she probably has a case there. Wheels asked if he was mentioned in the will. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he wasn't mentioned. Howard said that he'd love to get some of that $150 million. He said that he thinks that she told him that she was leaving him her money. Howard said he has filed a lawsuit and he hopes to have $150 million Joan Rivers dollars.
Wheels said they should make September 4th ''No Selfies day'' for Joan. Howard thanked him for the call and played him out with a song parody. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was watching David Lee Roth at the Dave Grohl birthday show and David shaved his head. He said that he did the right thing. Howard said that he used to have the best head of hair. Howard said he had that long flowing hair. He said that he lost it and he just gave up and shaved his head. He said he looks fine. Robin said he always had a good face. Howard said David obviously had a hair transplant because you can see the line on the back of his head. Robin said that if it doesn't work then you can't shave your head because of it. Howard said that he can't imagine what he'd do without his hair. He said he would look so odd without it. He said he would be heinous. Robin said he'd look like his dad. Howard said he'd look like a monster. Robin asked if his dad looks like a monster. Howard said he's not saying. Then he said of course not.
Howard said he saw that line on the back of David's head and he focused on that. Howard said he was consumed with that.
Howard said they have a remake of Free Willy with Maria Menounos playing the dolphin. Howard played the bit that they created using Maria's laugh as a dolphin. Howard said she's perfect for that role.
Howard said that he has so many good things to play. He had a clip of a news anchor having a coughing fit. She had to ask another anchor to take over for her. The guy was all confused when he took over. Howard played the audio of the two coughing and not knowing what to do.
Howard played another clip of a reporter having a coughing fit during a report about the blizzard. Howard said JD just told him that this chick was hot. That's all he knew about her. Howard said he's not sure why that's so entertaining to him.
Howard said that Mad Dog Russo used profanity. Howard said he never does that. Howard said that Mad Dog was so worked up over Deflate Gate that he cursed. Howard played some audio of Mad Dog yelling about Roger Goodell and using the word ''ass'' and ''hell'' during that clip. Then Mad Dog said ''God damnit.'' Howard said that's profanity against the lord. Howard said he thinks he said it more than once. Howard played more of Mad Dog going off about all of that. He was telling them to get their ''hand out of their ass.'' Howard said he thinks that the right term is ''head out of your ass.'' Howard said it's a sad day when Mad Dog curses. Howard said that hand in your ass thing is a stinky thought.
Howard said the other night on E! they had a broadcast from the red carpet of the SAG awards and Rashida Jones came up. Howard said she's half black. Howard said listen to what the reporter said to her. Howard played the clip and the reporter said she looked like she just came off an island or something. She was very tan and tropical looking. Rashida said that she's ethnic. Howard said the woman still didn't catch on. Howard said she just ignored what she said. Howard replayed the clip and you could hear the reporter saying that ''It's just being ethnic...''
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said he has a hard time believing that Captain Janks is gay. He said he thinks he's just looking for air time. Howard said that's a pretty severe way of getting air time. Melrose said he thinks that's what he's doing. He said there's one way to prove it. Howard said he can come in there and blow him. Melrose said he can blow him. Melrose said that he admits he wants the air time. Howard asked if he would do that to get air time. Melrose said he'd have to get back to him on that.
Howard said he thinks Melrose got a hand job from a guy once. He said maybe that was someone else. Howard said he thinks that Janks is not lying. Howard said he has heard that from a lot of fans but that's a pretty intense scam.
Howard had some audio of Riley Martin trying to order food at a drive thru. Howard played the clip and it was Riley trying to order something and they seemed to understand what he was saying.
Howard said they went around and asked the Wack Pack who they think is going to win the Oscar this year. He said that he thinks that they don't even know what year it is. Howard played a clip of Big Foot saying he hopes Smokey and the Bandit will win. Howard played a clip of Crazy Alice talking about the Selma movie and saying that she will never go see that movie. She said that she dated the son of a Ku Klux Klan member. Howard said maybe they should go with Angry and Crazy Alice. Howard said that she went on to say that she doesn't care about black people and she was friends with the KKK when she was young.
Howard played a clip of Tan Mom saying she hopes that Titanic and Raging Bull will win the Oscar. She thought that Ray Liotta was in Raging Bull. Howard said that he's not sure what she's confusing there. Howard said that Raging Bull was not released this year. Robin said that nothing that Ray Liotta was in was released this year.
Howard played Fred the Elephant Boy's answer. Howard said at least he knows what year it is. Howard played the clip and he said that he really does sound like the Elephant Man. Elephant Boy said something about American Sniper, I think, winning the Oscar. He mentioned The Theory of Everything too. Robin said she would listen to a whole special with him talking about nothing but the Oscars.
Howard played a bit they created about Beetlejuice the Play starring Morgan Freeman, Al Pacino, Julie Andrews, Yoko Ono and others.
Howard said he would make out so well if he created that play for real. Howard said that they have to get Larry David to play Hank the angry Dwarf. Robin said they'd have lines around the block. Howard said he thinks they could get Julie Andrews at least.
Howard said that JD wasn't sure about the gay thing. JD said he was suspicious. He said that he really wanted his prank calls played. Janks said he told Gary this already. He said he met someone online and he came out because of that. He said that he was never with him and there was no chance at that. Howard said Janks wasn't that funny about the whole gay thing either. Howard asked if his ass has healed yet. Janks said that it's starting to not hurt anymore. Howard asked Robin how long her ass hurt after that. Robin said it healed very quickly.
Howard said that they believe Janks. He thanked him for the call and let him go. They played a Little Mikey song parody about Robin after that. Robin said she's waiting for Little Mikey to come out.
Howard said that there was a great song parody about Robin and it's either from Little Mikey or Eli Braden. Howard played one from Little Mikey and he thinks that was the one. He said that it was called Rub My Schlong. Howard said he heard that and said that Robin should just fuck him already. Howard played the song for her and Robin said she thinks that it would ruin their song parody writing. Howard played a couple of Mikey's song parodies about Robin. Howard said Eli Braden wrote some new ones too. Howard played some of those. He had one to the tune of ''Been Caught Stealing'' that he thought was pretty funny. Howard said one of these guys deserves a prize from Robin.
Howard said it's snowing out and they're having fun. Howard said a couple of people wrote songs about his colonoscopy. He said Matt Evans sent one in that was pretty cute. Howard said the colonoscopy was easy but the prep is the hard part. He said he was dootin all over the place. Robin asked him to never play that tape again. Howard said he did record that and it was really vile. Howard played some of the song parody about his colonoscopy. Howard said Psych took a shot at it too and it wasn't as good. Then he played it and said it was pretty good. Robin said it really is good.
Howard said he gave Richard the audio of his shititng to edit and he vomited in his mouth. Richard came in and said he was dry heaving. He said that it's just gross that it's just falling out of him. Howard asked if he should play it again. Richard said yes but Robin wasn't happy about that. Howard said get the children out of the room. Howard played the shitting clips again. Howard said that can't be right. Richard said he could almost vomit just hearing that. Howard said he had to hold it in until he could get the recorder going. Richard was dry heaving just hearing the clips again. Howard said it's disgusting.
Howard said they had Evil David Letterman on the show the other day. Richard said that Dave practices before and it's so entertaining. Howard said Dave sits in a studio in Chicago and he loves when he gets snacks. He said he demands them. Richard said he eats the weirdest things. He eats chips for breakfast. Howard said he stays on mic the whole time too. Howard said this is 5 in the morning. Howard played a clip of Dave eating and drinking while he's on mic. Howard said they never let him tell his own jokes and he writes his own. Howard said they have told him not to write his own. Howard said they tell him he's not allowed to do that. Richard said they tell him to stick to the script and he tells his own jokes anyway. Howard played a clip of Dave crow barring his own joke in. It was a joke about going on the Queen Latifah show and winning over the ''harps'' of his ''brother peeps.'' Howard said after he was off the air the mics are still on and he starts celebrating because he thinks his joke went over well. Howard played the clip of Dave flipping out over how well he did. He said he didn't fuck up a line. Howard said he was so proud of that line.
Howard said Drew Barrymore was on with the real Dave. Howard played a clip of Drew talking about going to India. They had edited the clip with Evil Dave telling her to just flash her tits already. Howard said Oprah was on the show too. Howard played a clip they created with Dave and Oprah talking and Oprah saying that she fucked him in Chicago. Howard said he is on a roll. He's just letting things out that pop into his head.
Robin said they say travel bans are being lifted in most of New York and New Jersey. Robin said she's not sure what the city is doing. Howard said they lifted it around 7:30. Robin said she didn't have that on her little schedule there.
Howard said he's not sure why they waited so long. He said they could have done it at 2:30 in the morning. Robin said they should have done it a lot earlier. Howard said that he technically broke the law... but not really. He said they said that media and emergency vehicles could be on the road. Howard said he's the King of all Media so he was allowed to travel the streets. Howard said the subways are still shut down. He sounded shocked by that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he went to his high school prom. Howard said no. He said he acted like he was too cool for it. Howard said he grew up in Roosevelt and then they moved out of there when he was like 1 of 5 white guys left. Howard said they moved to Rockville Centre in his sophomore year and he was really awkward and gross. He said that no one talked to him really. He said that he had a couple of friends but not many. Howard said everyone knew each other there. He said that he was just a douche. He said that he was high constantly just to get through the day. He said no girls talked to him. He said he had to go to other towns for that. Howard said he had girlfriends for a day or two here and there. He said that once he got a job upstate he got laid constantly. He said he was working at a camp as a dishwasher and he was fucking left and right. Howard said that's where he seemed to thrive. Howard said that every night he was fucking different girls. He said he had to get tested to make sure he didn't have Mono or VD. He said the doctor was making fun of his mother bringing him there.
Howard said when he was a counselor he got laid so much he almost got in trouble for it. He said his friend Woody was there and he will back him up on that. Howard said that he was recommended to bring some kids on a road trip out west. Howard said no one got that after just one summer. He said that every morning he would pop out of different tents and Woody asked him what was up with that. Howard said he was told he wouldn't recommend him for the Western trip if he kept that up. Howard said he had a waiting list of girls up there. Howard said that he couldn't go to the prom but he got laid upstate. Howard said he went back to school and he was a douche again. Howard said that he got his revenge by becoming famous. He said all of those girls must be kicking themselves.
Howard said he looked up the girl who he thought was the hottest in school and now she looks like a grandma. Howard said that he didn't even go to graduation. He said that he just got his diploma and got out of there. He said his parents were never proud of him or anything. He said they didn't carry pictures of him in their wallets or anything like that.
The caller asked if Howard ever had a bar mitzvah. Howard said he did. He said that was a wreck. He said he had his girlfriend there and she was hot. Howard said that she seemed to be attracted to him. He said she had big tits. He said that she developed really quickly. Howard said he asked her to come on the show once and she hung up on him. Howard said he thinks she might still be upset with him for breaking up with her.
Howard said his father had a book in the house that was about how to make love on your wedding night. Howard said he read up on that so he'd know how to feel a girl up. He said it was so silly to have to read that. Howard said he read up and was all set and he started shaking so much he wasn't able to do it. Howard said then he broke up with her because Dr. Lou told him he should play the field. He said it was a dumb thing to do. Howard said that no one had sex with him after that. He said it was really bad advice. He said Dr. Lou is still his friend though.
The caller asked if it's all guys that send in songs about Robin. Howard said that's a guy thing to do. Howard said that it would be wrong and vile if women did that. The caller thanked Howard for taking his call. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he hated his Bar Mitzvah. He said it was such a waste of time going through all of that. Howard said his parents sent him to the most conservative temple. He said they sent him to Roosevelt Jewish Center. He said that's when there were still Jews and white people there. Howard said all of the Jews were the first ones out of the community. Howard said the Christians hung around for another week or so. Howard talked about how awful it was with his teacher at temple. He said the guy had breath that smelled like a shit pile. He said that he'd call him Svi all the time and made him learn the Torah. He said that he had to tape it for his grandfather. Howard had some clips of him reading the Torah. Howard said that his parents weren't super religious. He said that he would come home wearing a Tzitzis. He said that's a shirt that he had to wear. He said he'd be wearing that and then eating pork chops.
Howard said that he went to another bar mitzvah when he was about 12. He said he told his friend that he wanted to fuck this older woman and it turned out it was his friend's mother. Howard said that he was traumatized by that.
Howard said that he could have been like Eddie Van Halen playing guitar if he had put as much effort into that as he did with the singing. Fred played some Van Halen music while he was playing the reading of the Torah. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Fleetwood Mac did a show the other night at the Garden. He said his friend Pat went to see it and said they were great. Robin said she's never seen them live. Howard said he did. He said it was two summers ago. He said a dude he knows had a charity event and they were playing for a small group. Howard said he didn't get to walk up and say hello to anyone in the band. Robin said they interviewed Lindsay years ago. Howard said he didn't remember that. He said his life is one big blur at this point. Howard said Gary and Jon Hein went to the show too. He said rumor is they held hands at the show.
Howard said he wishes he had his playlist there. He said he'd do an hour of music. He said he would just play what he has in his computer. He said it's nothing like what Meg Griffin would do but he has music he appreciates. Howard said he has a lot of Bowie. He said he may put this song on there. He said the only one he would put on is that one Stevie Nicks song. Howard said the one that gets him is one of her solo hits. Howard said that this one is too happy. He said that he wants to share that playlist with Robin. Robin said thank you, no. Fred asked if it was ''Dreams.'' Howard said it was her solo stuff. He said he's not sure what the name of the song is. He said it was a B-side song. Howard said he'll get his playlist and figure it out.
Howard said that he continues to get bashed over his comments about Sam Smith. Howard said they say he called him fat and gay. He said they totally take it and it's all bullshit. Howard said that he just said he's just one of them. He said he's fat, gay and little girls love him and that shows that the song is really good. Howard said he also said that he was going to be a one hit wonder. He said they just trump up the whole thing and say that he calls him fat and gay. Howard said he loves that he's accepted and he doesn't dislike the guy. He said he likes his music too.
Howard said he likes that Sam Smith song ''Stay with Me.'' He said he lost a lawsuit to Tom Petty though. He said its' basically Tom's song. Howard said he wants to hear the comparison. Howard played Sam's song and then some of Tom Petty's song ''Won't Back Down.'' Howard said by the way, Tom Petty is ugly, thin and not gay. He said the press can print that too. Howard said that he calls himself ugly too. He said they might want to throw that in there. Howard said that people really want to stir up controversy.
Howard said Bill Maher really wants to stir up controversy and he's not sure what he's going for there. Howard played a clip of Maher talking about the movie American Sniper and how the guy in the movie is a psychopath patriot. Maher talked about how he doesn't see the guy as an Eisenhower type. Howard said he does. Howard said that the enemy are savages and Bill has to get with the program. He said they would behead his ass if they could. Howard said Chris Kyle enjoyed killing the enemy and protecting his brothers. Howard said he wishes that Bill was still talking to him but he won't. Howard said he can't defend this kind of horseshit that he's saying.
Howard said Bill Burr was on Maher's show and tried to correct him. Burr was saying that he can't judge a man on one comment taken out of context. Maher and Burr went back and forth about that and someone else on the show was talking about the movie and the real Chris Kyle being very different.
Howard said that Bill should blow Chris Kyle on TV. He said that he is a hero. He said Robin should blow his corpse. Robin said his wife might not like that. Howard said that he deserves it though. Howard said there's a headline for you. He said Bill Maher should blow Chris Kyle's corpse. Howard said both Sam Smith and Tom Petty should too.
Howard said he just got a note saying the guy interviewing him is a white guy too. Robin said she has to leave then. The host told Chet that he's not Tom Hanks so he can't just go up and take a picture.
Gary told Howard that the host is Rude Jude. Howard said he has that accent down. Howard said he used to try to talk like that when he was in Roosevelt. He said he did it to try and survive though. Robin asked if this is a language they're teaching in school.
Howard played more of the audio and Rude Jude kicked out Chet's guy who was saying something to him off the air. Jude told him that he's there to talk to him and not that other guy. Chet said that shit just got real. He said that was just his homie who is a loyal mother fucker. Jude said sometimes dudes just have to know when to be quiet. Robin said Tom Hanks must be upset about this whole thing. Howard said that he must be depressed. Howard said people don't know it but Tom Hanks lives in Compton.
Howard played more of the Chet Haze audio where Rude Jude was asking what his dad thinks about all of this. Chet said his dad is fine with whatever he wants to do. He said he could be a garbage man if he wanted to. Robin wondered if he continues to talk like that to his dad. Gary showed Howard a picture of Rude Jude and Howard said he looks like an accountant. Robin said everyone is acting. Howard said maybe he grew up in a black neighborhood. Robin said he didn't. She said they're all taking lessons from these guys.
Howard said then they played Chet's song on the air and the callers went off on him. Howard played some of the song and then the caller's reactions to it. They were going off on Chet saying that was whack and he isn't anything. One caller said they should have kicked him in the fucking dick. Another guy said he sounds like he's singing into a butt hole. Robin said it sounds like a lot of white guys are listening to Shade 45. Chet's reaction was to say that he only knows how to be himself. Robin laughed.
Howard said that kid took a beating. Robin said he deserved it. Robin said that Tom Hanks didn't do it so the rest of the country has to. Robin said she doesn't advocate beating children but he needs a time out. Robin said she wants Howard to take her to the rough side of Beverly Hills next time they're out there.
Howard said that was going on over at Shade 45. Howard said they lost out on that interview. Howard said George Lopez was on Huffington Post Live and he was saying that he wants to fuck Erik Estrada up. Howard said he loves this too. Howard played the clip of George talking about why he's upset with Erik Estrada. Howard said Erik just smiles a lot and he can't understand this. Lopez said he went to shake Erik's hand when he was 17 and he walked right by him. He said that he said that if he ever made it one day he would make him pay. He said that he has offered to fight the guy and he won't do it. He said that he would go up against that guy anytime. He said that Erik continues to try and belittle him and he will take what money he has left. He said he will whip his ass. Howard said they might be able to put that fight together.
Howard said it's amazing that George was walking through an airport at 17 and Erik Estrada didn't shake his hand and he held on to it all this time. Howard said it seems to be the driving experience of his life. Howard said he can't tell you how many people have snubbed him. He said he just keeps going on.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked who is in charge of the photo booth there. She said no one can use it. Howard said that Ross is. Howard said that Chet should have been allowed to use it. Howard said they put the photo booth in and it's causing nothing but controversy. Howard said it only brings trouble. Robin said she's not sure why they need one there anyway. Mariann said it should be all or none. Howard said it costs like $1.69 per photo or something like that. Mariann said she sent Ross $20 for the pictures she took.
Mariann said that Simon Helberg from the Big Bang Theory was on the Wrap Up Show. She said it's a great show. Howard said he's seen it a few times. He said it really is good. He said he doesn't really like sitcoms though. Robin said she doesn't either but she likes the show. Howard said he loves Girls. He liked that her bike was stolen in Iowa every week. He said the show is very edgy. He said Allison Williams had her ass eaten on the show. He said that there are more edgy things coming soon too. Howard played a bit they created where they use anal beads and things like that.
Robin said Billy Crystal came out doing promotion for a new show and he was talking about gay characters on TV and said something about how they go too far for him. Robin said he was the first gay character on a TV show called Soap. Robin said that it was like he was saying that we shouldn't just accept gay characters on TV and they should still be considered odd. Robin said he had to apologize for what he said. Howard said that's odd coming from him. Howard said he thinks they need gay sex in every TV show until people stop picking on gay people.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if he saw Penn Jillette on the news. Howard said he did not. Tommy said that Penn and Teller are really good guys. He said they sign autographs for everyone who wants one. He said he saw Sal and Richard with some other comedians like Jim Florentine and they all come out and do that too. He said the only guy who didn't come out was Sal though. Tommy told a joke about how Ronnie is like a mushroom, he's a ''fun guy.'' Howard said he didn't get it. Tommy said that he's a ''fungi''.
Howard said he heard that Tommy was bashing him on Twitter. Tommy said he did a little bit. He said he did call him politically correct. Howard said that he's kind of right about that. Tommy said that it bites him in the ass sometimes. He said he got in trouble with that woman about the Aspergers thing yesterday.
Howard asked if it's still snowing up there in Boston. Tommy said it's like a foot of snow up there. Howard said they got like 6 inches there. Robin said they're still saying that they're going to get 2 feet up in Boston. Tommy said it's like powder and they keep saying it's going to be heavy and wet. Howard said they just do that to scare people.
Robin said she went to Whole Foods to get something and it was a mess in there. She said the bread and milk were gone. Howard said Ralph showed up to work yesterday. He said that he came to his apartment even when he told him to stay home. Ralph was on the line and said that he was already on his way. Howard said that he was afraid he'd get suck at his apartment when they closed down mass transit. Howard said that there was no way he was going to let him stay. Ralph said they were closing it down at 11 so he was fine.
Ralph said that he can get a plumber in who can adjust the water in his toilet to let more in. Howard said maybe he will do that. Ralph said he adjusted his mom's toilet and it worked. He said the water doesn't even go down sometimes.
Ralph asked why he hated Birdman so much. Howard said it was a horrible movie. Howard said that it's getting award nominations and he doesn't get it. Ralph said he loved it. Howard said it was maybe one of the worst movies he's ever seen. Howard said he wanted to see it and he is a big fan of Michael Keaton's but it was a pretentious bunch of shit. Howard said it was all about how tough an actor's life is. Robin said they also threw in the thing about him going crazy or insane. Howard said there's a weird vibe back stage and they all try to act strange. He said that they tried to tackle that in the movie. Howard said we've seen it already and it felt like a big cliche. Howard said it doesn't deserve the attention it's getting. Howard said American Sniper, Foxcatcher and all of these other movies deserve the attention. He said Birdman does not. Ralph said it was very creative. Howard said it's long and boring. Howard said that they should have spent money on exteriors and not so much in the theater. Ralph said that's what was great about it. Howard hung up on him and said he's wasting his time.
Howard said if Birdman is getting awards then he should have won for Private Parts. Howard said he's wondering where Michael Keaton has been since Batman. He said he fell off the face of the earth. Howard said if he put two theaters next to each other with Birdman and Private Parts and asked which one deserved an Academy Award it would be Private Parts. Howard said the only reason he didn't get one is because he's Howard Stern. He said Blockbuster gave him an award and now they're out of business. Howard said that's the truth. Howard said if you want to see a good movie go see Foxcatcher, Whiplash or The Imitation Game. Howard said that these are good movies. Howard said he's sure that Selma is better than Birdman. He said it has to be. Robin said the Grand Budapest Hotel is great too. Howard said he's not going to see that. Howard said he liked Boyhood and American Sniper. Robin didn't like Boyhood. Howard said he is so happy when they're killing people in American Sniper. Howard said he thinks that the star of Whiplash is coming in tomorrow. Robin asked which one. Gary said JK Simmons. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Robin started her news with a story about a FOX News producer committing suicide outside the FOX News building which his right next door to them. Robin said he shot himself outside of the office building shortly after 9 yesterday. Howard said at least he didn't shoot anyone else. Howard said he applauds that. Robin said that he was a 41 year old man. Robin said he shot himself once in the chest. Howard said that takes some balls to just end it all. Robin said he was handing out flyers to people complaining about how they ended his career. Robin said losing your job can put you over the edge. Howard said the sun will come out tomorrow. Howard said he's been fired a million times and he's still there.
Howard took a call from a woman who thanked him for being there today. She asked Howard to talk about people who don't believe in work ethic. Howard said he's too tired from working to talk about that.
Howard said even if you lose your job you can still live the life of High pitch Eric. Howard said he has a maid to do his laundry two times a week. Howard said he has food and housing and it's all on the government's dime. Howard said even Jeff the Drunk has a nice trailer and smokes weed all day. Howard had Jeff on the phone. Jeff said he got less than an inch of snow up there. Howard said that the people who have to get to work can't get to work but Jeff could. Jeff said he usually gets hit a lot worse than this.
Robin said there was an in store shooting at a Home Depot over the weekend. Robin said the man shot his supervisor and then turned the gun on himself. Robin said he was upset about being passed over for a promotion. Howard said everyone wants to make a statement. He said we get it, you're unhappy. Robin said this man was also upset about being dumped by his girlfriend. Howard said the man shot his supervisor in the lighting department. Robin said people ran for cover and no one else was hurt.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has an embarrassing question. He said that it was hard to get out. He said he was with a girl and he had a hard time getting an erection so she made some comments to him. He said it's been in his head ever since then. He said he wasn't able to get it up this past summer and now he's afraid to get intimate with a girl. He asked if he has any suggestions. Howard said that he always gets it up. He said he has never had that problem. Howard said he wants to make that clear. Howard said just be more like him. He said he's hard now and there are no women around. Howard said he's hard. Robin said he's never had a person disparage his penis. Howard said he has always delivered. He said maybe not that good but he has. The caller said that he isn't gay. Howard asked if he has a medical issue. Howard said it sounds like he might. The caller said he doesn't think so. Howard said he might have himself psyched out. Howard said the way to cure this is to just not care. Howard said if you get it up you get it up. If you don't then just blame the chick. Howard said maybe it's cool that he didn't get it up. He asked if he had the chick blow him. He said he did and it was for a long time. Howard said he might be slightly gay. The caller said he's not gay. Howard said he should go to a psychiatrist. He said he has what we call performance anxiety. He said he has to stop caring so much.
Howard said when he got into radio he had such trouble with his voice. He said he would compensate by speaking high. Howard said his phone is echoing now. Howard said he could see if having a man blow him helps. The caller said ''fuck that.'' Howard said that he's going to put the guy on hold. Howard said he's no expert but as soon as you stop caring about how you do then you might be fine. Howard said that's how he got over his radio voice thing. Howard said he just stopped caring and he sounded fine. Howard said it's the same with sex. He said the guy is just psyched out. Howard asked who cares. He said the chick is probably dirty anyway. He told the caller to just try getting help. He said he found that help actually does help. He said maybe he can find a girl who likes a soft penis like Elisa and Benjy. Benjy said he doesn't have a soft penis but he has had that problem on occasion. He said you can get nervous. Howard said he can't imagine being around a naked chick and not getting hard. Benjy said he thinks that it has happened to most guys. Howard said he gets it up quickly. He said he is so not gay. Howard said he is hard right now. Benjy said he just came.
Robin said the Deflate Gate continues. Robin said Mad Dog lost it over all of that. Howard said he used foul language. Robin said Louis CK was on with David Letterman last night talking about it and saying he loves it. He said he wants his team to win. Howard said he loves Louis. Howard said they get together and socialize once in awhile. Robin had some audio of Louis talking to Dave. Robin had some other audio of Robert Kraft talking about how they did not break any rules.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he watched Gotham last night. Robin said this is every Tuesday. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Fred did his impression of Speech and goofed on him for a short time. Howard said he does love Gotham. He said he thought it was going to suck but it turns out it's great. Howard said that Speech should be banned from watching it since he can't even pronounce it. Fred did his impression of Speech some more for Howard. Speech said he's thinking of changing his name to Human Airbag Man. Howard said he's getting very dull. He hung up on him and played him out with a theme song.
Robin said another woman has come forward about Bill Cosby. Robin said that this woman wrote an OpEd piece for the Huffington Post. Robin said she claims that she hung out with Cosby and his wife at times. She claims she remembers going to a movie with Cosby but then she remembers waking up nude in a bed with Cosby wearing a white bath robe and acting like nothing had happened. Howard asked how many women have come forward so far. Robin said she thinks it's 30. Robin said this woman is not going to sue and she won't be doing any press conferences or anything. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he bunches his toilet paper or folds it. Howard said that he just takes a wad and shoves it up there. He asked who would sit there and fold toilet paper. Howard said he bets that Gary folds his toilet paper. He said he can see him doing that. Howard asked if he's right or wrong. Gary came in and said he doesn't fold it. Gary said he uses a ball of toilet paper. He said folding is weird. Robin said she doesn't fold. Robin said she uses a mound of it. She said it's not a ball. Howard said he hits it with the toilet paper and then hits it with the baby wipes. He flushes them. Gary said you're not supposed to. Howard said he has the flushable kind. Gary said he does too but his wife keeps telling him not to flush them. Gary said he knows he'll have them back up one day in his sewer system. Howard said he won't put shit wipes in a trash can like Robin does. Robin said he shouldn't need shit wipes. She said he should use toilet paper.
Robin read about Melissa Rivers filing a lawsuit against the clinic where her mother died. Robin had some details about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to defend Birdman. Howard said he doesn't need to. The caller said he thinks that it was about performance anxiety and he figured Howard would gravitate toward that. Howard said he found it boring and other movies have done it better. Howard said he bets that this caller has problems getting hard too. The caller laughed and Howard hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's still snowing in Seaside Heights. He said they're getting a lot out there. Howard said that's out on Long Island. The caller said that he stayed at a friend's house and he woke up in the middle of the night and his friend had his hand down his pants rubbing his ass. Howard asked how long he's known him. The guy said about 20 years. He said he started rubbing his friend's ass after that. Robin said this guy is full of it. Howard said he's wasting his time with his silliness.
Robin read a story about the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday. Robin said that a lot of people are going to be buying jewelry. Howard said you have to check with your woman before buying something like that. He said it's a very personal thing. Howard said that you should always ask.
Robin read about the Miss Universe pageant being a huge ratings grabber on Sunday night. Robin said it had over 7.6 million viewers. Howard asked Benjy if he's hard. Benjy said he is. Howard had him stand up. Benjy stood up and there was nothing that he could see. Howard said he doesn't think he even has a dick. Howard said he's hard. Howard said there's no reason for it either.
Robin read about Benedict Cumberbatch apologizing for a statement he made on a TV show. Robin had some audio of that. He said something about ''colored actors'' so he apologized for that. Howard said he thought that the British had a different relationship with black people than we do. Robin asked why that would be. Robin said that they had their own issues over there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how legal marijuana is becoming the fastest growing industry in the country. Howard said it's just a matter of time before the cigarette companies start selling packs of joints. Robin said that won't happen until the federal government makes it legal. Robin said the banks won't get involved until then. Robin said it's an all cash business right now. Howard said he's wondering if they'll sell a package of mild weed for people like him. Robin said she's sure they will. Robin said you really only need one of two puffs though. Howard said he isn't sure he'd even do that. Robin said maybe he could do vapor. Howard asked if that's fun. Robin said she doesn't know.
Robin read a story about TV and talked about how she rarely watches anything live anymore. Howard said it's just the Super Bowl and the Oscars. Robin said there are many people who aren't watching live TV at all anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy in Rhode Island who wondered if Steve Carell and Bradley Cooper don't mention him in the Oscars will he be upset and have animosity toward them. Howard said no he won't. Robin said she thinks that Bradley would do it. Howard said Steve looked him in the eye and said he would do it. Howard said he won't be angry if they don't do it but it would be cool if they did. The caller wasn't sure if this was Howard he was speaking to. Howard asked if he wanted to talk to Howard. The caller said he did. Howard pretended to be someone in the back taking the calls. Howard said he's bob and that's Jane. The caller said this is weird. Howard said he's not on the air yet. Howard thanked the guy for the call and said he's really out of it.
Robin read a story about the 2016 election and how some people are making some noise. Robin said Donald Trump is hinting that he might run. Howard said he won't run. Robin said he is saying that he could turn America around. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how he can do things that other people can't do. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about how Ben Carson might run for President. Robin said that Chris Christie is also putting together an exploratory team to look into running. Robin said the Koch brothers are also thinking about running.
Robin read about The Bachelor and had some audio from the show. Howard said that was a great speech he made. Howard said they did a funny bit on Saturday Night Live with Blake Shelton playing The Bachelor. Robin said she can't wait to see that.
Robin read about a study that was done about people who are watching TV shows to learn prices of things and how that helps them haggle for prices on other things in their real lives.
Robin said there are discussions about a TV version of the X-Men. Robin said the details are few but that's the rumor.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her boyfriend had a problem getting it up a few years ago. She said that his friend told him to stop caring and it worked. She said that she ended up marrying the boyfriend. She said he hasn't had a problem since. Howard said you just don't care and it works. He said it's all psychological.
Robin read about how poison control centers getting calls about the fluid that comes out of E-cigarettes. Robin said kids are finding it and getting sick after trying it. Robin said that people should keep that stuff out of reach from their kids.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that in Private Parts they show Howard getting an erection very fast. Howard said that was a metal machine they put in his pants. Howard said he did pop boners but not in that scene. The caller said he wasn't sure if it was a special effect or not. Howard said it was like a car antenna that a guy controls remotely. He said the guy would turn the thing and it would pop his boner. The caller said he thought he really popped a boner. Howard said he was hard throughout most of the movie but not there.
The caller said that there's a dating web site for farmers only and he guarantees that the women in the commercials aren't on the web site. Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go.
Robin said that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are at the center of attention in a movie about the church of Scientology. Robin said that they claim in the movie that one guy was ordered to bring an end to the Cruise and Kidman marriage. Robin said that it's apparently a good deal to have Tom Cruise in the church because he brings in money and members.
Robin read a story about how Greg Allman is out touring solo. Robin said that he is already making plans to head out on the road again. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been away for about a year and he missed the show. He said Sal is a real douche bag homo. He said he has balls busting Jon's balls the way he does. Jon said that no one saw Sal drop his stuff in the box other than JD. He said Sal was going to say it was just clothes but you can't get away with that on the show. He said everyone rats everyone else out. Jon said that JD found that and when you listen you can hear how it all unfolded. He said you can't lie to Howard because you will get caught. Jon said he was going to take a break after that.
Jon said that clip is over 2 decades old and it shows that nothing has changed. He said that it may go something like that tomorrow. Jon said they'll find out at 7am tomorrow.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that people call up and think that people really call up and say they're gay jut to get air time. Jon said he thinks that might happen. He said that some people thought that Janks was using that to get on the air. Jon said you do wonder about it. He said it was the same thing with Joey Boots. He said he has stuck to it after kissing a guy in the studio. Jon said that Melrose may not believe it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he folds his toilet paper. He said he folds his and he gets more than one use out of it. Jon said he just grabs it and uses it. He said he understands why he'd fold it but he doesn't do that. Jon asked if he's in a rush does he fold it. The caller said he does. He said you don't get more than one wipe unless you fold. He said you can fold it more than 2 or 3 times if you do that. Jon said he doesn't think much about that. He said he may use too much toilet paper. He said Howard thinks that folding it is a bizarre thing to do.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he never understood why Howard uses tissue paper to clean up after masturbating. He wondered if he wads up the baby wipes too. Jon said a lot of those wipes will cause major problems in your septic system. He said that's what they had a problem with at his house. He said that he's not sure what Howard does when he takes a dump. He said whatever he does seems to work for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about who Jon thinks would live the longest if there was an apocalypse. Jon said Fred Norris. He said he thinks Fred would outlast everyone. He said he can't think of anyone who would come close. Jon said maybe Richard would be okay. Jon said that JD, Sal and Robin and Howard might struggle. He said that Will might do alright. He said he has some Eastern PA in him so he might be okay. The caller said he was on Doomsday Preppers and they gave him about 6 months to live. He said he'd like to know how some of them would do. Jon said he would go with Fred.
Jon said they have a poll up today about Sal's makeup bag. He said they're asking if they saw everything or did Sal throw some stuff away. Jon said he thinks that they may be missing some stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw something about the dark circles under Sal's eyes and how he could use red lipstick and then put the concealer over that. Jon said he will recommend that to him. Jon said that Sal had to look pretty for this morning. He said he did show up to work and he does have his priorities in check with that.
Jon said that Richard walked an hour and 45 minutes to get to work this morning. Jon said that they didn't get a lot of snow in the city but they were shut down. He said it wasn't easy to get there. Jon said Howard just started the show at 6:30 and was that a good thing or did you want it to start at 7? Jon said that they have to give Ronnie some credit for making sure he got Howard to work. Jon said Howard got a whiff of Ronnie's Mambo this morning because he sat in the front of the Jeep with Ronnie. Jon said that stuff can last a long time even after you're away from the person wearing it. Jon said today was a crazy morning but they all are. He said they were going to take a break after that.
Jon asked if Gary thinks that they saw all of what was in Sal's makeup bag. Jon said he thinks that they didn't. Gary said if there was something maybe it was something that would change the way they think of Sal. He said he doesn't know.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she gets so upset when Howard yells at Scott. She said he's such a sad person. Her phone started to break up so they had to let her go. Gary said Scott isn't the life of the party. He said that's why it was so funny when he started a DJ business. He said that he's a good guy but he's not exuberant. He said that he's only like that when he's yelling or talking about Bowling. Jon said that he already suggested that he not go bowling tonight. Gary said that Scott may say that it doesn't matter because there is no ban on the roads this afternoon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard should be able to start the show and end the show whenever he wants. Jon said it was nice to be able to do that today. Gary said they were almost all there early because they stayed close by. Gary said the people who were screwed were the people who live in the city and had to get there. He said that Fred lives uptown and he had to walk really far to get in. He said Richard had to walk over a bridge from Queens. Jon said Sal did get there too. Gary said that it wasn't his fault that Sal had to go home to get his makeup. Gary said he did show up but that's what they're supposed to do. He said they're giving him props for doing nothing special. Gary said he had a lot to do at home this weekend and Sunday was going to be his day to veg. He said he spent the whole day getting the house ready to go just in case the power went out or something. He said he ended up packing for 3 days. Jon said he's still worried because it's still snowing out where he lives. Gary said it's snowing there in the city again too.
Jon said that there are still blizzard conditions in some areas. He said you just don't know. He said you hope that they miss when they predict something that bad. He said that they did nail it up in Boston and out on Long Island. Gary said that his wife said they might have gotten 6 inches. Jon said they got at least a foot out by him. Gary said that he hates when his schedule is fucked up. He said that he's a creature of habit and he hates that.
Jon said he didn't know that Howard didn't go to his graduation. He said that he went through a really tough childhood. He said he became ''the guy'' there at camp. Gary said Howard was known as Shades of Blue at camp. He said he wore those blue colored shades. He said you're a whole other person there at Camp.
Jon said they have the results of the poll and 91 percent say that they don't think they saw everything Sal had in that bag. Jon said he'd like to know who the other 9 percent of the people were. Jon said they have video up on HowardStern.com showing Sal giving up his bag. Jon wrapped up the show and ended it around 11:05am.
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Howard started the show talking about how Fred was singing as they started the show. Howard said it was really disturbing. He said he was humming with headphones on.
Howard said that J.K. Simmons is coming in today and he's excited to meet him. He said he's in the movie Whiplash and he's the lead in that. He said he's really good in that. He said he liked him in Oz too. He said he was in Spider-Man too. He played J. Jonah Jameson. Howard said he was the editor of what paper. Robin asked if it was the Bugle. Howard said there was the Daily Trumpet too. Howard said that he thinks that it was the Daily Bugle in Spider-Man. Benjy said he's right about that. Howard said Peter Parker always had outrageous pictures of Spider-Man and Jameson never questioned it. Howard said he has to ask J.K. about that. Howard said no one else has those pictures. He said that J.K. always plays an idiot. He said he's a real fuck in Whiplash.
Howard said J.K. is hosting Saturday Night Live this week so that's why he's in town. Howard said he's a good actor so he has no question that he'll be good on SNL.
Howard said that he's ready to start working on America's Got Talent but he can't get a schedule out of them. Howard said Gary has to book guests for the show and they won't give them a schedule. Howard said he has a radio show to do. He said that he has this other job. He said he's going to tell them that he's only available one week. He said when he had just one job he was fine. Howard said they have to set up the venues to do the AGT thing. He said he has to figure out something. He said they're the ones who have to figure it out. Howard said he has told them that he can't put things on hold.
Gary said he was on the phon yesterday with Jason. He said that it's the bane of his existence right now. He said he emailed Howard's agent too. He said he's at the point where it's affecting vacations and guests. He said he has a few big guests that he could book in March and he has to know about when they're working. Howard said he wants to be a big shot and book it. Howard said he has to do the AGT thing too though. Howard said his first obligation is to Sirius. Howard said he has always told NBC that too. Robin said it's supposed to be a 30 day job. Howard said it is but 3000 days are on hold.
Howard said he has been waiting a long time to interview that person and he wants it to happen. Robin said maybe he can do double duty. Howard said he can't. He said that they need him for the whole day at AGT.
Robin said they had Adam Lambert sitting in for one of the judges on American Idol. Howard said they could do that for him too. He said they can have all of the guest judges they want for him, just pay him.
Gary said that he's spent a lot of time on this AGT thing. Howard said that they wanted him to go to L.A. for two weeks but he can't do that. Howard said he can be available for 10 days in a row if he flies out on a Wednesday. Howard said they needed 25 days in a row. Howard said he can't do that. He has to work.
Howard said they claim that it's his fault for waiting so long to tell them he wanted to join the show again. Howard said if they had told him it would affect that then he would have answered them earlier.
Howard said this was supposed to be his fun year at AGT. He said he's already complaining. Howard said he is supposed to roll with the punches. Robin asked if they haven't told them anything about March. Gary said he has the dates and now it's above Jason and it's between Don Buchwald and NBC. Gary said he was told by Jason that he has the dates. Howard said he's unavailable the second week in March if that guest is available. Howard said they want him on AGT because he's happening.
Gary said that people come to him every day and say they want to book vacations. Howard said he does too. He said he didn't know it was going to be so difficult. Gary said it was easy the past couple of years. Howard said the problem is that they can't live without him over there. Robin said they should have told him that they needed a decision earlier.
Tommy said that Trump is pro-life and it seems like every republican is. Howard said that when Ronald Reagan was around they didn't embrace the religious right. He said they didn't want to get involved in people's personal lives. Howard said they wanted to run the infrastructure and stuff. Howard said that Reagan would be considered a democrat by today's standards.
Howard said the religious right is all about populating this planet. He said we have so many unwanted kids in the world but the republicans let their party be hijacked by nudnicks. Howard said that Governor Christie and even Jeb Bush can't come out and say that abortion is an issue. He said there are people who have kids and beat them because they didn't want them in the first place. Howard said it's a shame that they can't say anything about it. Howard said now the politicians are stuck with this stuff. Howard said that you can't get nominated in the republican party if you don't play by their rules. He said once you're nominated you can play it a little looser.
Howard said Sarah Palin is one of the people who hijacked the party. Howard said she was at a tea party event this week and you don't even know what she's talking about. Robin said they say that her teleprompter broke and she was speaking on her own. Howard played a clip of Palin rambling on about nothing.
Howard said she sounds retarded. He said everything is off with her. Howard said when she starts talking about Obama you love Obama. He said she talks about what a spoiled little boy he is. Howard played the audio of her talking about that. Howard said that she's the mom of the century. Tommy said if you aren't for abortions then just don't have one. Howard said that's right. Howard said he will never carry a baby and he never will. He said it's the woman's business if she wants to do that or not. Howard said the soul of a baby doesn't enter until the third trimester. Howard said that's just the way it is.
Howard thanked Tommy for the call and played him out with a theme song. Howard said Sarah Palin went to 5 colleges in 6 years. He said that Obama graduated from Harvard law school. Howard said that she thinks she's the smart one. He said she's a quitter too. Howard asked who she's kidding. Robin said she's one who hints that she's interested in running every 4 years. Robin said she's not running for anything anymore.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked what the deal is with the Wrap Up Show. He said they don't have JD on anymore. Howard said they are turning it over to the listeners. Howard said Jon is giving more and more power to the listeners. Howard said eventually they will have many listeners involved with the show. Howard said it is for the fans to get on and talk. Wheels asked if he listens to it. Howard said occasionally he does. Wheels said that the calls are less. Howard said the calls are up 150 percent. Howard said he knows everything. Wheels said he has one critique. He said they go into the Wrap Up Show hearing the phone number 50 times. Howard said that if he has complaints he can talk to Jon Hein about it. Howard said he is just worried about this show. Howard played Wheels out with a song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw pictures of Taylor Swift posted online from her hacked account, would he look if they were nudes. Howard said that he hasn't even looked at the Jennifer Lawrence pictures. He said it's an invasion of privacy. Howard said if he walked by a computer and saw Taylor Swift he might have to look. He said he's fascinated with her. The caller said she has an amazing body. He saw her in a bikini in some photos that were online. Howard said that she really does have a thin body. Howard said she's managed to keep that body too. Howard said that it's not easy. Robin said she dances a lot. Howard said that there are people who dance that are kind of chunky.
The caller asked Howard who he thinks out of Robin, Fred and Gary, who would do the best on Celebrity Apprentice. Howard said he's never watched the show. Robin said she's watching this season and it's really a challenge. Howard said he thinks Fred would be out because of his social skills. Robin said Gary can network. Howard said he doesn't think Robin would take it that seriously. Howard said Gary would win. Howard said Robin wouldn't take it seriously enough. Neither would Fred. Howard said Gary takes things very seriously. Gary said he's always wanted to go on that show. He said he thinks he would win. Howard said he doesn't think that he could do that show. He said he can't be yelled at by Trump. He said that just wouldn't happen. Robin said that it's his sons who are judging you. Howard said that's definitely not going to happen then. Howard said Gary takes things like Vinyl seriously. He said he would take that show very seriously.
Gary said the thing about doing that show is that you have to live in an apartment and take shit from the other people on the show. Howard said he thinks Gary would be good on the show. He said that he is a fame whore and he would do the show. Gary said he thinks he does a great job on this show and he could do a great job on that show. Howard said he thinks that he would get goofed on too much on that show. Robin said they'd get into his head on that show to fuck with him.
Howard said Gary is so hungry to be famous that he did a show on VH1 Classic. Howard said he would say he doesn't give a fuck about the show. Gary said Howard couldn't do the show because he's super famous. Howard said he just doesn't want that. He said he'd be asked to be voted off. Howard said he would only do things that he thinks are the right thing to do.
The caller asked Howard if he would do a celebrity match game series. Howard said he would love to host a game show. He said it might be beneath him at this point. The caller said he thinks it would be great. Howard said it would be good. He said he has been offered game shows. He said he had a meeting with the guys from Endemol and they pitched about 5 game show ideas to him. He said he was there with his agent and the game was him as a contestant. He said he had to make people laugh for them to move on. Howard said that he wants a great game that he just has to host. He said he wants to be a big nosed Wink Martindale or something. Robin said they have changed Who Wants to be a Millionaire. She said they have a guy who stands with you the whole game and he has to be animated and excited. Howard said he would have been a good host for that game. He said he's a good game show host. He said they've done many on the show.
Howard said on AGT in his first season people were saying they wanted to kill him. He said 3 years later people say they won't watch the show if he's not on it.
The caller had another suggestion for Howard and Howard said he's outlived his usability. Robin asked if Scott is in today. Howard said he had stuff to do yesterday. He said he's there today. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and talked up the George Harrison song. Howard said that he was so bad at that. He hit the post with that song but said that he could do that at WNBC and Pig Virus would tell him he did something wrong. Howard said that guy died. He said that wasn't mentioned at any of the award shows. Howard said George Harrison is gone too. Howard said Pig Virus slumped over his chair at work and died. Howard said he was mean. Robin said he turned nice. Howard said that's when NBC told him that Howard was okay. He went with whatever they told him to. Howard said imagine being chosen to get them to quit. Howard said they were just doing their job. Howard said human nature never changes. He said they're just doing their job. Howard said that's what they're doing this morning.
Robin asked if Howard saw that Sam Smith responded to him. Howard said he hates that story. He said that they took that story and twisted it. He said that he thinks that Sam is more talented because he's fat an effeminate. Howard said even though he's fat and gay little girls still love him. Howard said he likes the guy and some reporter took a hold of what he said and they said he just called him fat and gay. Howard said he felt bad because that's not what he was saying. Howard asked who cares anyway. He said the fact that the press cares shows how hot and talented he is in show business. Howard said he is kind of complimented in some way.
Howard said he hopes that Sam gets a hold of what he really had to say. Robin said that he doesn't look that chubby. Robin said she knows what Howard is talking about in the publicity photos because he is kind of chubby. Howard said he's not cute like Taylor Swift is. Howard said he was kind of congratulating him in some strange way. He said it didn't come out like that. Howard said he hopes someone gets word to him... Howard said he really doesn't care. He said Sam doesn't care and he'll get over it. Howard said he's very thin, hot and manly.
Howard said calling someone gay when they're gay isn't an insult. He said the fact that he can get any traction being gay is what's impressive. Howard said he can't believe that this made more news than anything he's ever done. Howard said if you point out that anyone is fat then you get in trouble. Howard said it's worldwide news. He said it's bigger news than anything. Howard said he says shit to get in the news and it doesn't. He said he's upset that the kid doesn't know he's a fan. Howard said that when you take that and turn it into a headline that Howard Stern says Sam Smith is fat and gay... Robin said he said he was ugly too. Howard said he said he was ugly like him. Howard said they leave that part out. Howard said most of the world is ugly. He said that's why super models get paid so much. Robin said that Giselle Bundchen's daily rate is $128,000.
Howard said that he thought the press would pick up on him telling Bill Maher to blow Chris Kyle's corpse. Howard said no one picked that up. Howard said he thinks that Sam Smith is really talented and he likes his music. He said that he knows that won't get picked up in the news. Howard said good for him beating the odds. Robin said that he has another song called ''I Know I'm Not the Only One.'' Howard asked if Tom Petty wrote that too. Howard said he did him a favor getting this in the news because the whole Tom Petty thing wasn't such a big deal.
Howard said that he has the top 5 songs. He played number 5 which was Taylor Swift's ''Shake it Off.'' Howard said they had an idea for a bit with that song. They were going to send High Pitch Eric into a men's room stall and have him sing the song as he's peeing. Howard said he'd get his ass beat though. Howard said that number 4 was Hozier. Howard played a clip of Robin singing the song ''Take me to Church.'' Howard said Taylor Swift is at number 3. He had High Pitch Eric singing that song. Number 2 was Ed Sheeran and number 1 was Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. Howard had Evil Dave singing that song.
Howard said he wants to go back to the High Pitch song. Robin said when he was singing it sounded like he was going to drown. Howard said the guys told him that the microphone stunk for 3 days after he used it. Howard asked if that's true. Sal came in and said that it smelled so bad that they thew the microphone cover away and the smell came through the new one. He said it sounds like he has food permanently lodged in his throat. Howard played the song again and Eric just about chokes as he's singing.
Sal said he feels bad for Eric. He said he sweats just sitting down because he's so big. He said he loves the guy though. He hopes he's okay. Robin asked if Eric can read the lyrics. Sal said he can do that. Howard said he seems to be smart enough to get food and an apartment. He said he has a helper who comes in and cleans his house two times a week. Howard said she actually called them yesterday. Howard played a bit they created with a woman and a High Pitch impersonator talking about the apartment cleaning. She asked to be saved before Eric eats her.
Howard said he heard that Sal was bummed that they busted him with the makeup bag. Fred played a ''Maybe it's Maybelline'' commercial jingle. Sal said he was kind of bummed. He said that he did have one other thing that they didn't see. It was a powder brush that he uses with the concealer. Howard laughed at that. Sal said he's being honest about that. Howard said they knew he had makeup. Howard said the embarrassing thing is that he ran all the way home to get it. Sal said he did but he also had to get clothes.
Sal said he has a son in high school and that's why he's so embarrassed by this now. Howard said that he does so many other weird things and that's what he's worried about? Howard said he should just say he's in show business and everyone wears makeup in show business. Howard kicked him out and played the ''Maybe it's Maybelline'' thing again.
Howard took a call from David Arquette who said that Sam Smith is an amazing talent. Howard said he wasn't bullying him. Howard said he wasn't that mean. David thought he did. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck. He told David to go have peace and love with some other human being. David said that he also thinks that he disrespected his talent. Howard said he didn't hear the show. David said he did hear it. David said he thinks it really hurts Jeff the Bore... Howard cut him off and told him to go back to bed and don't call in anymore. Howard said of course it hurts his feelings. He said life hurts your feelings. David said he always tries to protect his friends. Howard said he's hurting his feelings. David asked why. Howard said he's criticizing him. He said he really has to go. David said he wants to go back to Jeff the Drunk. He said Sam Smith is the next Elton John. Howard said he will get through life without worrying about him. Howard asked who cares already about Sam Smith. He said he wishes the guy the best. He said he's very talented and he just said he thinks he beat the odds. Robin said lets not think that looks don't help in pop music. Howard said the Jonas Brothers are cute and that's the key. He said you're 10 times more talented if you have good looks. Howard said that was his point.
Howard said that if he worries about hurting feelings during a 4 hour radio show he's not going to last. Howard said he talks for a long time and he says a lot of stuff. Howard said something about Benjy's looks and goofed on him to show what he does. Howard said that he knows he's ugly himself. He said that he even said that in the discussion about Sam Smith. Benjy said Sam isn't a bad looking guy. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Louis C.K. thanked Howard in his new special that was just released. Howard said maybe he thanked him for being someone he looked up to in comedy. Howard said he really doesn't know why he did that. The caller asked if he has ever helped him with a bit or anything. Howard said he didn't. He said that he actually wrote his first two specials and he just asked for a thank you in the third one.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what's up with David Arquette. She thought he sounded like Ass Napkin Ed. Howard said he's not sure, maybe it was Ed. Howard said David sent him a nice gift of a drawing of The Ramones. Howard said that he wants it back now. Howard said he's not nice. He said ''Duh, I'm not nice.'' Howard said that you can't be honest and be nice.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he would ever have Sam on the show. Howard said he'd be thrilled to have him in. Howard said he is a talented guy. Howard said that his point is that he is so talented that he beat the odds. He isn't a typical teeny bopper idol. The caller asked if he would be good to fuck Benjy in the ass if Benjy doesn't lose the weight. Howard said he would be fine. Benjy said he's too fat for him. He said he's handsome and fat. Howard went to break after that.
Howard played the call that Nick did as Fabrice. Big Foot didn't know who it was so his girlfriend Danielle got on the line. ''Fabrice'' asked the two of them to tap their cocks on the phone and they both did it. Fabrice asked Danielle to put Big Foot's balls in her mouth and repeat a line. She did that a couple of times. Fabrice asked Big Foot to burp into Danielle's asshole and it sounded like he was doing that too.
Howard said that is a house of horrors. Howard wondered how Big Foot got a phone. Robin said apparently everyone has a phone, a TV and more. Howard asked Robin what percentage of women had penises when she was a nurse. Robin said maybe 1 percent. Robin said it happened a lot. Robin said one of the patients she took care of was beaten up because she had a cock. Howard asked if the injuries were really bad. Robin said it was pretty bad. Robin said that they suggested that she always have her wig with her because she didn't have real women's hair. Howard asked if she had a nice cock. Robin said she never saw it. She said she was able to wash it herself.
Howard asked if she ever had to wash a vagine. Robin said most of the patients did that on their own. Howard asked if she ever washed a cock that got hard. Robin said that did happen. Robin said she thinks that the guy that it happened with was uncircumcised. Robin said she had to do suicide watch with a transsexual. She said she had the one who was beaten too. Howard thanked Robin for the story.
Howard said they were talking about the movie Selma and how they'd like to see Martin Luther King as an action hero. Howard said they came up with Selma 2. He played a bit they created where MLK is an action hero. Howard asked how that is. Robin said that he was non violent. Howard said that's the problem. He said he has to kick some ass on the Russians.
Howard said he forgot to bring in his copy of Selma for Robin. He said he will get it to her though. Howard said he knows Robin will get all riled up. Robin said she'll just watch something funny right after. Howard said he can't watch those kind of movies. Howard said he didn't even watch Sophie's Choice. Howard said he can't see things like that. He said he can't handle it. Robin said Howard loves music that brings him down. Howard said nothing about him makes any sense.
Howard said he never saw Schindler's List but he'd see it if it was on Broadway. That led to him playing a bit they created where they had Schindler's List on Broadway. They had a few people singing the parts in the play version of the movie. Howard said he is looking forward to that. Howard said Mel Gibson says that's his favorite play. Howard said he has to get Sam Smith to star as Schindler.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the picture of Kendall Jenner wearing a sheer shirt with no bra on. Howard said she's very young. Robin said she's 19. Howard said he has daughters and he wouldn't like that if they printed pictures like that. Howard said he doesn't understand the game plan for the Jenner family. He said he saw that picture and thought it was like kiddie porn. Howard said that Miley Cyrus still looks like she's 10 and he's seen pictures of her topless out there. Howard said it's getting weird for him. He said she has a nice body but she has a baby face. He said it's disturbing to see. Robin said she looks boyish at times. Howard said he'd approve of that with Robin. Robin said that Miley is 22 years old.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever put his stuff from the 90s on DVDs to sell. Howard said he never did. Howard said there's only so much stuff you can sell. He went to break after that.
Howard said they do the kitten bowl around noon before the super bowl. Howard said he has that written down. Howard said he told Beth he would mention it so Mariann did him a favor. Howard said he didn't even know there was a Hallmark channel. He said it starts at noon on Sunday. He said Boomer Esiason is involved this time. Howard said Kevin Nealon, Regis Philbin, Maria Menounos, Mario Lopez and more will be involved with the Kitten Bowl.
Howard said they have 4 foster kittens at home. He said they'll be watching the Kitten Bowl with them. Robin said she had a dream about them. She said they were running around the kitchen. Howard said it's so cute to have them running around. He said he wishes he could show Robin what Beth is doing with them. Robin said she saw a picture of Yoda with the kittens last night so maybe that's why she had the dream. Howard said it's very rewarding to help these kittens. He said he's happy when he looks at the kittens. He said it's a good cure for his misery.
Howard said that his psychiatrist was working on him trying to get him to be more loving. Howard said he'd rather not say what that was about. He wondered if he will ever be done with therapy. Robin said it doesn't sound like he has an end point. Howard asked if people really change. Robin said she has. Howard said maybe he has. He said it's enough with the change already. Robin said he'd have to feel that on his own.
Robin said she's actually back in therapy because of her illness. Howard asked if it's some post traumatic stress. Robin said the dying part is easy. She said the living part is hard. She said she has body image issues and things like that. Howard said he does too and his shrink never argues with him.
Howard said Judd Apatow hosted the Late, Late Show last week and he was watching that. Howard said they actually asked him to do that. Howard said Judd was hosting and they were smart to get different people who have good friends. He said Judd had Adam Sandler and Lena Dunham on. He said he had Garry Shandling and Jeff Goldblum on one night. Howard said Garry Shandling is talking about going to Jeff Goldblum's wedding and their psychiatrist that they both use was officiating the wedding. Howard said that's crazy. Howard asked who these guys are that do that. Robin said they can't be getting much help if they're doing that. Robin said you don't want to see them in their lives. Howard said that whole thing was weird. Howard said he got jealous actually. He said he was wondering why his psychiatrist doesn't hang out with him.
Howard asked Robin how often she goes to therapy. Robin said she doesn't actually ''go.'' She said she calls. Howard said he can't do that. He said he thinks that people are listening in. Howard said if Robin can't keep it together then there's no hope for him. Robin said she has a lot of issues. She said she still has stuff from childhood that comes up. Howard said Robin had some childhood. Robin said she had no childhood. Howard said he hopes he comes up wonderful. Robin said that he does. Howard said that Robin came up in therapy and he said he told the psychiatrist that he was done with radio when she got sick. Howard said then Robin lived. Howard said it's weird. Howard said that he was really upset about Robin and it's a miracle that she lived. Howard said he was a mess.
Howard had some audio of some kids trying to pronounce Gary's name. They were saying his last name in some very unusual ways. It was Wolfie asking the kids about how to say it and where they think he might be from.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Beth is really good with the animals. He said there are needles and lotions and stuff all over. He said she's like a Vet. Howard said Beth will do their nails and cut them and things like that. Ralph said he can't give a shot to a pet. He said Beth can do it. Howard said people have no idea what she's doing. He said she is actually doing the work. He said she's living it and doing it. Ralph said it's fun but she works so hard at it. Howard said she gets in bed and she's exhausted. Ralph said he thinks about getting a cat once in a while but he sees that and thinks he can't handle it. Howard said he doesn't think Ralph should get one but it's really not that much work. Howard said that's not for Ralph. He said he's best on his own.
Howard said Ralph is incapable of loving anyone. Ralph said he loves people. He said he loves his mom and sister. Howard said this is not a guy who loves women. He said some guys he meets are super in love with their moms and they don't love women. He said that he's not sure how to explain that.
Ralph said he loves women but if a chick annoys him then he gets upset. Howard said he just knows what he hears. Ralph said he loves Beth. Howard said that's because he doesn't need to have a deep, loving relationship. Howard asked Ralph when the last time was that he was in a real relationship. Ralph said it was a long time ago. Howard said Patty was his last girlfriend and that was in high school. Ralph said that's not true. He said he had Bianca. Howard said she was a stripper he was with for 2 weeks. Howard asked when he last had a real relationship where it was loving and caring. Ralph said he loved Bianca. Ralph said Tara was after that. Howard said she lived in L.A. Howard said she called him and said her car broke down. Ralph said she hit a car and he asked her what she wanted him to do about it. He was in New Jersey and she was in California.
Howard asked if Ralph has introduced any girls to his mom since Patty. Ralph said he hasn't. He said he doesn't like relationships. Howard said he has issues. He said he thinks Ralph is angry at his mother and he would rather not talk about why on the air. Howard said he will help Ralph off the air. Howard said Ralph needs therapy. Ralph said he does. Ralph said there is no reason to get into a relationship if you're not going to marry them. He said it always ends poorly. Robin asked why that is. Ralph said he doesn't know. He said they always turn on him. Howard said that Ralph doesn't like physical imperfections. Ralph said that's true. Howard said Ralph is out the door if they get a pimple on their ass. Ralph said that's true too. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later.
Howard had one of Ralph's former girlfriends on the phone. It was Denise who turned out to be a guy. Howard thanked Denise for the call and let Ralph go too. Howard said that J.K. is there. Ralph said he can't wait for that. Fred started to play Mike Morse's ''Ralphie Cakes'' song to play him off. Howard and Ralph talked a little bit more about J.K. before they went to break.
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Howard came back and said that J.K. Simmons is there. Howard said he's a great actor. He said he's nominated for an Oscar for Whiplash. Howard said it hasn't made a lot of money but it's a great film. J.K. came in and Robin said he already looks upset. J.K. said it's early. Howard said he beat the odds. He said he's happy for him because of that. Howard said he has paid his dues. Howard asked how long he has been hanging out in New York sleeping on people's floors. J.K. said he did that. Howard said he kept going and that's impressive. J.K. said it was a lack of options for him.
Howard said his father was a musician and he was raised to be a musician. He plays just about every instrument. J.K. said he can't play well. He said he does play some guitar. He said he can fake it pretty well. Howard said J.K. was going to be a music teacher but he had no money and everyone was getting on with their lives. Howard asked what the drive is. J.K. said it was just loving to do it. Howard asked if he ever doubted himself. J.K. said he did. He said he just knew he loved doing it. He didn't have a wife and kids to support at 28 years old so he was lucky there.
Howard said he was talking to an art teacher who said that he wasn't that good but he just kept up with it. Howard said that he did the same with radio. Howard said J.K. did that with acting. J.K. said all of his horrible work was on stage. Howard asked what his big break was. J.K. said he did Peter Pan and met his wife doing that. He said he married well too. Howard said usually you have to go through a couple of wives before you find that. J.K. said that she's 12 years his junior.
Howard said that J.K. is a great actor and he won a SAG award and the Golden Globe. Howard asked if he has to go play the game and prepare to give a speech. J.K. said he hasn't gotten any of that. He said he has never shaken hands with a publicist before this past fall. He said that he had no idea. He said he thought they were going to tell him what to say. J.K. said that mostly he found out that the publicists steer you clear of what you don't need to be doing. He said there hasn't been any of that ''don't say this or that.'' Robin asked if they coach him on the speeches. J.K. said they don't do that either. Howard said he's good at giving speeches. Howard asked if he writes down a speech. J.K. said he hasn't. He said maybe he should.
Howard asked J.K. if they announce his name at the Academy Awards, will he ad-lib. J.K. said that he's not sure. He said he had an idea of what he wanted to say at the other award shows. He said that he can wing it. He said it's not comfortable being up there in front of these people. Howard asked if he has watched all of the other films that are nominated. J.K. said he did just recently. Howard asked if he will sit there telling his wife he's so much better than those guys. J.K. said he won't do that. He said it's the whole apples and oranges thing. He said he can't look at it that way. He said each role and film is so different. Howard said if he doesn't win, who should get it instead. Robin asked who the second best is. J.K. said that there are none of those guys who don't deserve it. He said there are even more guys who do deserve it. He said Robert Duvall is his all time favorite. He said he hasn't shaken his hand in person yet. He said he has passed him going to the men's room and he still hasn't been able to do that.
Howard said it must be awkward to be up against these people. J.K. said that they've all done their work and they're not arm wrestling or anything. He said it's not a rumble. Howard asked if he's feeling any pressure to win. J.K. said now he is.
Howard asked J.K. if he thinks the level of parts are going to go up now. J.K. said that his wife calls it the Whiplash effect. He said he thought it would start happening after Sundance. He said that it didn't start until the movie was out commercially. He said that it came quickly after that. Robin said it's one of those films you can't take your eyes off of. Howard said the film has only made like $8 million. He said the movie is unavailable to be seen. J.K. said there is a whole algorithm that Sony uses to figure that out. He said that he's not sure what their whole strategy is. He said it's getting out there more now that the awards are happening. He said the movie has come and gone in some markets. He said it opened in October in New York and L.A. but it's been spreading ever since.
Howard asked J.K. if he thinks he is so good in the role because his father was a concert conductor. He said he must understand how to do it. J.K. said that's one of the things that was kismet or fate. He said it was the same with Miles Teller. He said that he had that in mind for him and they didn't know that he had been playing since he was 15 years old. J.K. said he feels that the fact that he could know how to read music and all of that really helped.
Howard said they made a short movie to show the executives and they said they didn't want J.K. in the part. J.K. said that it might have been shorter than 18 minutes. He said they shot it in 3 days for no money. J.K. said he fell in love with the script and the short is really awesome too. He said it stands on its own. He said that they did the movie a year later. Howard asked if it would have killed him if they gave the role to another person. J.K. said it would have. He said the kid who played the drummer in the short is a great actor and his heart goes out to him. He said he was great in the short.
J.K. said he doesn't know that much about show biz. He said that he was involved with the film and didn't know much about Miles. He said that once they got on the set together the sparks were flying. Howard said there's not much else to the film other than J.K. and Miles.
Howard said that J.K. is really the main character in the film and he's nominated for Best Supporting Role. J.K. said that Miles is in every scene in Whiplash. He said that's his film. Howard said that he thought J.K. was in every scene too.
Howard said the guy who executive produced the film is Jason Reitman. Howard said J.K. has been in every one of Jason's movies. Howard said that he almost blew it with Jason. He went in for an audition for ''Thank You For Smoking.'' Howard said he left the audition and by chance he ran into Jason as he was putting money in a meter. J.K. said that the audition was on the West side of L.A. and Jason was late. He said that he didn't know who he was or who his parents were. He didn't know the Reitman name. J.K. said that he had to pick up the kids or something that he had to get to. He said that he had a parking meter out front. He said that he was about to either leave or plug the meter. Then this young guy is walking up by and he knew his name. He said he called out J.K. Simmons. He apologized for being late and they went in and had a meeting and did the audition. Howard asked if he has to audition anymore. J.K. said that you do go meet and sit down and talk with the guy. He said if you're having lunch or something it's comfortable. He said sitting in an office is kind of odd. He said that he feels that he could just read a scene.
Howard said when he did Spider-Man he played J. Jonah Jameson. He said that must be tricky. He said he dove into it pretty good and watched how a real editor works. Howard said that he can't figure out why Jameson still hates Peter Parker when he brings him the great pictures of Spider-Man. J.K. said that he doesn't hate Peter, he hates Spider-Man.
Howard said that role he played in Oz was great. Howard said that was the break of his lifetime. Howard said he had been working on Broadway until then. Howard asked why it took so long and is he bitter about it. J.K. said not at all. He said that he started out in 1977 and he was from a musical background. He said he was singing in Brigadoon. He said that he remembers it very well. He said he had to go out and do his first line. He did it in a way that stopped the show. He said the director told him to just act like a human being.
Howard said that when he got Oz he finally got a role on TV and he killed it. He said he killed it to a point where he had trouble believing that he wasn't a real Neo-Nazi. Howard said when he wasn't fucking a guy he was busy saying racial things. Howard asked if he was afraid that he'd be typecast. J.K. said he was afraid of that. He said he had done some guest spots on other shows. He said that he was losing his mind doing plays 8 times a week. He said he anted to get TV and film going. J.K. said he had some lucky breaks and ended up on Oz. He said he almost talked his way out of that part. He said he had done Homicide and that got a lot of attention. He said it was a similar part. He said he played an ex-Nazi bastard who murdered some kids. He said he went in finally aware of how he'd get noticed on the street by people who recognized him. He said he was afraid he'd get stuck playing that kind of guy the rest of his life. J.K. said that he thought that he might not want to do the show. J.K. said that they didn't have scripts yet either.
Howard asked if the money in theater is shit. J.K. said compared to what he's in now it is. Howard said that he took Oz reluctantly. J.K. said he did. Robin said he committed to it once he did. J.K. said you have to. He said about the time Oz was airing they got a call from Law and Order playing a shrink. Howard said that's a good way to get away from that other part. Robin said he was so hard core in that show and they got no nominations. J.K. said that was the first drama on pay cable.
Howard asked if he got fan letters from Nazis. J.K. said that there were some. He said he'd get stopped on the street and his wife was afraid of him getting beat up by black guys on the train. J.K. said there are people who think that's the way he really is. He said they'd tell him that he was right on.
Howard asked if J.K. is nervous about doing Saturday Night Live. J.K. said he's very nervous. He said it's the coolest thing ever. J.K. said that he got out of L.A. on the last flight out before the storm of the century. J.K. said that he was in the car on the way home from the SAG awards and they asked him to come out early. He said that he got the first flight out in the morning. Howard asked if he met with the cast. J.K. said he went right from the airport to Lorne's office. Howard asked if he heard anything he liked. J.K. said he didn't hear anything. He said he was shot out of a cannon and he was tired from not enough sleep.
Howard said that they have to pitch ideas to Lorne and they have to come up with good stuff. J.K. said it's tough for the staff. He said he managed to stay awake and he was just nodding and laughing and smiling. He said he doesn't remember anything. Howard said he must be a good singer if he was on Broadway doing musicals and stuff. J.K. said he thinks so. He said that today they'll find out what they're doing. He said the writers have been up all night writing. He said they'll do like 50 sketches and go all the way through them and figure out what to use.
Howard asked J.K. if he'll pull Lorne aside and tell him not to make him do a sketch if he doesn't like it. J.K. said that it's always a collaboration. He said that they'll go through everything and he's sure if he's not comfortable doing something they won't make him do it.
Howard asked if they'd do a spoof of Whiplash. J.K. said they already taped some yesterday. Howard asked if he works nude. J.K. said that he did in Oz. He said everyone got thrown into the hole on Oz. Howard said that was a silly question. J.K. said that he was out of shape the first season of Oz and he had to do the nude scene. He said he was a dough boy. He said he got his butt back into the gym between the first and second season.
Howard asked J.K. about living on the floor of his friend's apartment. J.K. said he didn't have anything at the time. He said he had spent the last 6 bucks on a slice and a beer. He said another buddy came over and they were hanging out. He said he may have been whining about his life. He said that he was going to go back to Montana and do something. He said his friend wasn't rich either. He said he's a Broadway actor now. He said they met in the city there. He said his name is Greg Edelman. He said he left that night and he noticed the next morning that there was 40 bucks tucked under the phone. Howard asked if he cried. J.K. said he's no pussy so he doesn't think he cried. Howard said that must have been a low point. Howard said the struggle defines you as a man. J.K. said that he did a play called Birds of Paradise on Broadway and that's sort of the theme of the play.
Howard asked if his father ever wanted him to stop with the acting. J.K. said that his parents were 100 percent supportive. Howard asked if he has thought of the Oscar speech at all. J.K. said he can't say it hasn't crossed his mind. Howard said he thinks that everyone is rooting for him. He said it's a great performance. J.K. thanked him for that. Howard asked if he has watched it a lot. J.K. said that it might be one of the only films that he's watched with himself in it. He said he has watched it from beginning to end a few times and had different reactions to it each time. He said they did one screening where they did a Q and A. He was about to tell that story but Howard asked him how it is seeing it with an audience. J.K. said that the first time they did that was in Cannes. He said that the reaction to it was just amazing. He said he knew the film was going to be good as soon as he read the script.
Howard said he must have thought that it was going to be a smash hit. J.K. said he didn't think about the commercial success. He just knew it was going to be good.
Howard asked if he just wants them to get the movie out as soon as they can. J.K. said that he does. He said he spent some time in the editing room with Damien and he was giving some suggestions of his own that were ignored. Howard said that no actor should be in the editing room. J.K. said that only Sam Raimi, Damien and his wife will let him in the editing room.
Howard asked if J.K. will go berserk if he wins. J.K. said he thinks he can handle it. Howard said this is very exciting. Howard said he can't wait to see him on Saturday Night Live. Howard asked who the musical guest is. J.K. said it's D'Angelo. Howard asked when he goes to rehearsals. J.K. said right after this he will be there. He said that Saturday will be a 14 hour day.
Howard asked if he is worried about his voice and all of that. J.K. said he is. He said he's been traveling a lot and he has a little bit of the creeping crud coming up. He said he will worry about his voice.
Howard asked if he would do another play. J.K. said he would. Howard asked how he feels about the new Terminator movie. J.K. said at first he thought it was just going to be another paycheck. He said the script is really smart and funny and it has heart. He said he thinks this does a good job of being true to the spirit of the old movie. He said Arnold is in it too. He did some scenes with Arnold. He said he's not sure if he can even say that.
Howard asked if J.K. has gotten a lot of women approaching him now. J.K. said he had to go there, didn't he. He asked Howard who would throw themselves at him. He said that he's still happy that his wife is willing.
Howard said that J.K. had to change his name to J.K. because his real name is Jonathan Kimbel Simmons. He said he went by every variation of that. He said when he joined Equity he had to be Jonathan Simmons but SAG had one already. Howard asked if they know what to call him when they see his name. J.K. said that he went to a play and that was asked that day. He said they wondered if they should call him J.K. or what. Howard said that must be tough to get used to. He said that's sort of grand to be a J.K. Howard said he knew a guy who was named J.F. Lawton. He said he's not sure what to call him. Howard asked if he should call J.K. ''J.K.'' J.K. said that's fine. He said he won't even say what his wife calls him. Howard said she probably calls him Mr. Big Penis.
Howard asked when J.K. lost his hair. J.K. said when he was young he had Greg Allman hair. Howard said that it changes your whole life. J.K. said that you're in the shower and a lot of hair just starts falling out. Howard asked if he ever did the wig thing. J.K. said he has for films and stuff. He said he did a musical called Cowboy and the writer was an old school guy. He said it was a leading part. He said the director said he thinks he has a future as a leading man but he needs to ''take care of that.'' J.K. said not long after that he got his first piece. It was a theatrical piece though. He said he knew he wasn't going to wear it. Howard said that's such a bitch to lose your hair. Howard asked how often he shaves his head. J.K. said he had it grown out until about a week or 10 days ago. He said he's shooting a film now and he had it grown out.
Howard asked what he's doing about the commercials he's doing. Robin said he's doing the Farmer's Insurance commercials. Howard said now he's an Academy Award nominee. He said he thinks he'll win that. Howard asked if he can go in an renegotiate that deal. He said it must be confusing right now. Howard asked what his plan is. Howard asked if he gets free M&Ms for doing the commercials for them. He said he's never asked but he probably could. J.K. said that he was desperate to get commercials in the past. He said that the Farmer's thing came about a few years ago and it's great money. He said he's not sure if it will hurt his career. He said people told him to do it so he thinks he'll keep doing it. He said he's with them a year at a time. Howard said he would do it again then. J.K. sad that he would. He said he's been the Yellow M&M for more than 15 years now. J.K. said that came about in an interesting way. He said he had done a couple of TV shows and he went into an audition and the character description was for two M&M's. He said he was asked to read for Yellow but he thought he'd be better as Red. He said that they went back and forth on that and then he just went with what they thought.
Howard said he would have though that he'd get a ton of voice overs with his voice. J.K. said he has had a few of those jobs. He said they're the best too because you don't even have to shave to do them.
Howard asked if he can memorize scripts. J.K. said you can remember good writing very easily. He said the bad writing is the tough part. J.K. said the SNL thing is going to be a challenge. He said he's going to have to look at cue cards. Howard asked if he has ever done a live TV show before. J.K. said no. Howard said he should be shitting his pants then.
Howard said it's been a struggle for J.K. He said they learned that J.K. Simmons stuck with it. He said you have to stick with it. He said some people stick with it and stay horrible. Howard said J.K. got better. Howard asked if he's ever had any role that he's turned down that he regrets. J.K. said he can't think of one. He said he almost got the role as the captain in 21 and 22 Jump Street. He said his schedule didn't work out for that and Nick Offerman got the part.
Howard said that Whiplash is so good. Howard said that you have to go see it. J.K. said it really is a great piece of work. Howard said he thinks that the name might be a problem. J.K. said that he thinks that it works on all levels. Howard asked if he would do any Jason Reitman film he asks him to do. J.K. said of course he would. Howard said even if he doesn't win the Oscar he's on a roll. Howard said they have to raise his rate. J.K. said that he's doing fine. Howard said that he deserves that Oscar. He said he knows he has to get going.
Howard asked J.K. about the movie Birdman. Howard said he hates it. J.K. said that they're comparing apples and oranges again. He said that it was a very challenging thing to do and he had some issues with some aspects of the film but he thinks the acting in the film was all great. Howard said that Michael Keaton and Edward Norton are great actors but the film is a failure. J.K. said that he disagrees about that. He said that he thinks it's a great piece of film making. Howard said he can come back after he wins the Oscar and speak truthfully about it. Howard said he can read between the lines. Howard wrapped up with J.K. and let him ago a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he's not in the mood for that song. Howard said it's a great song though. He said he's just not in the mood for it. Howard said he doesn't know what to tell you. Robin asked what he is in the mod for. Howard said he's in the mood for Buzzy Linhart or Leslie West. Howard said he was listening to Leslie the other day and he can really wail on the guitar. Howard said he has every live Mountain performance. He said in one thing Leslie screams at a guy over something that's gone wrong. Howard said it wasn't Crossroads. He said it was a Mountain song. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that though.
Howard said he wants to hear Buzzy Linhart. Howard said people will be into that. Howard was singing something that Robin didn't recognize. Howard said Robin will have a good time listening to this. Fred played Buzzy Linhart's ''The Love's Still Growing.'' Robin said she missed this guy somehow. Howard said everyone did. Howard said he was a very cool teenager. Howard said he went to camp with his name written in his underwear. Howard said Robin doesn't like the song. Robin said it's okay. Howard said he should have been a big star. Howard said that all of these designers put their names on their underwear so there's no room for his name. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said that Jada Pinkett Smith is following him on Twitter now. Howard said that she looks good on Gotham. He said if he were Will Smith he'd still be into her. Howard said she plays Fish Mooney on Gotham. Howard said the dude who plays Penguin on Gotham is really good. Howard said that they should stop with the behind the scenes stuff with him though. He said it takes him out of the TV show. Robin said she thinks that's what they're going to be doing with commercials. Howard said that he wants that car that can park itself.
Speech said that he enjoyed that interview with J.K. He said he's really funny. Howard and Fred goofed on Speech for a short time. Howard said they better be careful or they'll upset David Arquette. Howard let Speech go and played him out with a second of a theme song.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that the interview with J.K. was really good. Howard thanked him for that and said he didn't have time for any other questions. Howard said he could break Speech Impediment Man's heart by telling him that it's a Jada Pinkett Smith fan page that's following him, not the real Jada.
Robin started the news with a story about a man who died who helped invent the laser. Robin said that some people say that he's one of the most talented experimental physicists of the century. Robin said he was 99 years old.
Howard said he had a clip from The SAG awards when they accidentally played an applause track when Reese Witherspoon was giving the award to J.K. Simmons. Howard played the clip and they accidentally played the clip and Reese was startled by it.
Howard said he wants to talk about this Marshawn Lynch guy. Howard said part of his job is to answer questions. He said he thought that maybe he is doing this not answering questions thing to get noticed. He said he thought he might be a genius. Howard played some audio of Marshawn telling people that he's just there so he won't get fined by the NFL. Howard said he would fuck with the guy all day long. He said he thinks he could teach him not to say that he's only there so he won't get fined. Howard said on one hand he loves it but on another he doesn't.
Howard said he wanted to point out that yesterday someone called in asking why no woman has written a love song about Robin. Howard said how he has a song called ''Share My Dildo'' about Robin. Howard played that for Robin.
Robin said a Spanish transsexual is claiming that he met with the Pope in private. Robin said that he told the Pope how he was being treated at church and he asked for the meeting. Robin said the Vatican has neither confirmed or denied it.
Howard said JD and Sal sent him a clip from a porno where this girl pukes on another girl. He said it sounds gross but you really have to see it. Howard said that she really did puke and he knows why. He said the girl she was working on was really fat and using a vibrator at the same time. Howard said that he had a tape of Beetlejuice going down on the same girl. They took his puking clip and played that with the chick who got puked on.
Robin read about how researchers have found out how to unboil an egg. Robin said they took Urea and put it into the egg and it unknots the proteins and turns it back into a liquid. Howard wondered how that helps. Robin said they will find out soon.
Robin read a story about Heather Mills saying that it hasn't been easy getting back into her life after she and Paul McCartney split. Howard said she's acting like she had nothing to do with it.
Robin said Slash has just moved in with his new girlfriend. Howard said he's a rock star so of course. Robin said that he's moved into a 5 bedroom house with this woman and her two kids. Robin said that they're supposed to get matching tattoos as well.
Robin read a story about people taking medications like Benadryl and Nitol are at an increased risk of getting Alzheimer's disease. Robin said that's what a study has found. Robin read the details of that story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were talking about toilet paper yesterday. He said he is a folder. Howard said you just take a wad of it and shove it up your ass. the caller said he gets 5 or 6 squares, wipes, folds it and wipes again. Howard said he's doing some weird shit with that. He told him to keep that to himself. Howard said the guy claims he folds after he wipes. Howard said he's a strange man. Howard goofed on the caller for a short time. Howard asked what the guy is talking about. He said he's a weirdo. Robin asked why he would call in with that. Howard said Sal was running around saying he folds too. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about that.
Sal came in and said that he folds it and presses it against his sphincter and keeps doing that. Howard asked how you don't get shit on your hands. Sal said you don't. He said he can demonstrate it. Sal told Gary to bring in some toilet paper. While they waited Howard played that vagina puke clip with Riley Martin clips in it.
Sal took off his pants and demonstrated the paper folding technique. Sal said he takes about 5 sheets, folds them, then wipes his ass. He said then you pull it off and fold it again. He said then you pat again on the sphincter. He said then you fold it again. Gary said he's touched it over and over again. Gary said that he touched the doody spot. Howard told them to bring in chocolate syrup next week and demonstrate it again. Sal said he'll do that. Howard said his thumbs are full of shit if he does that. He said that's gross. Howard told Sal to get out of there and then did a live commercial read.
Robin said that they've been trying to do a Ghostbusters sequel for a long time. Robin said now they are going to reboot it with an all female cast. Howard asked if it will be the same script. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said he first Ghostbusters was one of the best comedies ever. Howard said you can't imagine going to see that in any other form than it was. Howard said he thinks it's wise that if you do it again you do it completely different. Howard said that seems logical to him. Howard said if you said he could invest in that he would pass. Robin said it's Melissa McCarthy, Kristin Wiig, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon. Howard said that might work. He said they are funny. Robin said that Ernie Hudson was critical of the idea.
Howard played a tip from Big Foot about toilet paper. He suggested that if you run out you can use phone book paper.
Robin said that Apple has soared to $18 billion for the last quarter of the year. Robin said that's a new record. Howard said that he sees that their stock goes way up when that happens but when Sirius announces something like that the stock stays the same. He said he doesn't understand that. Howard said 27 million people just heard Sal wipe his ass. How could that not make the stock go up.
Robin read about how upset people were about the shutdown of the city yesterday. Howard said the roads were cleared very quickly and he has to say that he was impressed. Robin said they did kind of go overboard with shutting everything down. Robin said if the weather forecasters were right they'd be in every right to shut it all down. Howard said one of the problems was getting everything back up and running. Howard said that some of those calls were made by the governor. Howard said that it wasn't all the mayor. Howard said that they could have lifted the ban earlier than they did. Robin said the weather forecasters being so off is another story all together. Howard said they should have a dome over the city. He said that they could open it up when they have nice weather. Robin said that would have to be a really big dome. Robin said we've lived with the weather all this time so lets not turn into complete wimps.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Sirius stock was only like 50 cents when he signed on. Now it's close to 4 bucks. Howard said that's true. He said he didn't think about that.
Robin had some news about the Super Bowl. She had some audio of some of the players commenting on the upcoming game.
Robin read a story about how much it costs to have a Super Bowl party. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. The guy said that people will spend around $200 on a party. Howard said that's not much of a party. Robin said she can't imagine what people are eating at that party. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how the best time to buy a flat screen TV is right before the Super Bowl. Robin said prices have gone way down. She had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that the storm was a coastal storm and they're almost impossible to predict. He said they say it's going to be a historic storm and that's what they think is going to happen. Howard said he heard the governor hired his own meteorologist to tell him the weather. Ralph said shut everything down and it was ridiculous that they did that. He said the forecasters could just say it could be 6 inches or it could be 12. Robin said they'd still have to shut things down. Ralph said he's all for the dome idea too. Howard said it's all simple and he could get that done. Robin asked what it would be made of. Howard said it would be made of what your garage is made of. Robin said that they'd be in the dark the whole time it was closed. Howard said that's fine.
Robin said there are a lot of Super Bowl commercials coming out before they air on TV. Howard said he saw the Kim Kardashian commercial. He said he doesn't get showing them ahead of time. Robin had some audio of Kim's new commercial. Howard didn't understand the commercial. Robin said it was for T Mobile rolling over data in their plans. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Lohan's commercial too. Robin said there's a BMW ad with Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel teamed up again as well. Robin said that the 30 second commercials are going for $4.5 million. Howard said he knows he'll have the Kitten Bowl on in his house. He said over 6 million people watched it last year. Robin said she loves that cats are getting this much love.
Robin read a story about what's going on with the president and Benjamin Netanyahu. Robin said that everyone should get their panties out of a bunch. She said there is nothing wrong with what's going on there.
Robin read a story about a congressman who is upset about the President releasing terrorists. Robin said they released one from a U.S. prison and that's only helping terrorism.
Robin read a story about the deaths of a family being a murder suicide. Robin said they were found last September. Robin said they suspect that mental illness may have had something to do with that. Robin said they may have thought the apocalypse was coming so they took the whole family out. Robin said they think the young children didn't know what was going on but the 14 year old may have known what was going on. The police said that was the only letter that showed that someone may have known what was going on.
Robin read a story about a couple of football players who were found guilty of rape yesterday. Robin said they were college kids who went out drinking and one girl got really drunk and they were seen carrying her down the hall. Robin said they took pictures of her and then apparently had sex with her. When she woke up they told her they had taken care of her. Now they're awaiting sentencing.
Robin read about more people throwing their hats in the ring for the run for President in 2016. Robin had some audio of someone talking about why he wants to run. Robin said Sarah Palin is hinting that she might run as well. Robin had audio of her talking about that. Howard said she might be crazy enough to go for his dome idea. Howard asked what that speech pattern is that she has. He said the words come out weird. He said they appear to run too fast.
Robin read a story about Lance Armstrong who was interviewed by the BBC and said that he would cheat again if given the chance. Robin said she has to applaud him for knowing himself. Robin had some audio of Armstrong talking about the bad decisions they made.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama not wearing a head scarf while President Obama is in Saudi Arabia. Robin said she applauds that. Howard said a good move would be to wear assless chaps.
Robin read a story about Sly Stone getting a $5 million judgment in a case against his manager. Robin said he didn't get payments from 1989 to 2009. Robin said it's good to know he's going to get paid.
Robin said that NASA has a day of remembrance today. Robin had some audio of President Reagan talking about the destruction of the Challenger spaceship in 1986. Robin read some more details of that and then ended her news. Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon played a quick ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon said that they have so much to talk about today. Jon said they have a poll up asking if the fans think Gary just wants to be famous. Jon said they'll have the results at the end of the show.
Jon said that Wheels called in and asked about the direction of the Wrap Up Show. He played a clip of that and said he ants to talk about that a little bit. Jon said that this show is about the fans. Adam said he likes that Wheels is so into the show but he can't even take a breath to talk about it. Jon said he's as passionate about the show as Adam is.
Jon said the show is up to the fans. He said they have to call in with some good calls. He said Howard is listening and the more he listens to the fans the more they will affect where the show goes. Jon said he's asking the fans to raise up their game.
Adam asked Jon if it's customary to start the show by yelling at the callers. Jon said it is. Adam said he basically just called every caller a schmuck. Jon asked Adam if he thinks that Gary only wants to be famous. Adam said not ''only'' but he thinks he does desperately wants to be famous. He said that Gary calls his book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' He asked who ''they'' is and why would he put that picture of himself on the cover if he didn't want to be famous.
Jon said Howard gets frustrated at times when he thinks Gary isn't running the show. Adam said he thinks that Howard and the guys are responsible for that as well. He said that you can't have a Baba Booey puppet that talks and make him part of the show and expect Gary not to be into being famous after that. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think Gary is an attention whore but Benjy is. He said that Gary gets famous for doing things like that love tape he made. He said he gets on the radio for stuff like that. He said Gary gets his fame at his expense. Adam said that the caller has the cadence of Jay from Serial. Jon said they weren't talking about attention whores but fame whores. He said he thinks that everyone eon the show is an attention whore in some way. He said you can also argue that they do it for the show. Adam said that your life becomes part of the show. He said that's why people love the show. Adam said he thinks that it's above and beyond that. He said it's about appearances and going to the boat show. Adam asked why Gary was at that boat show. Jon said he was there for a charity. Adam asked if he did a charity for people who don't have boats.
Adam said that Hanzi started tweeting at him about 6 months to a year ago and he won't stop. He said Hanzi was asking him about how he got started and he wrote back saying that Howard hooked him up through the Illuminati. He said he did that as a joke and Hanzi didn't see it that way. Jon said he lit the fuse. Adam said he's been tweeting at him non stop about it since then. He said he showed Ike Barinholtz who told him that it wasn't funny and he should call the police. Adam said he actually is scared now.
Jon asked Adam about being on set on The Mindy Project and if they talk about Howard there. Adam said they all listen on the way to work and it's the only funny thing on radio. Adam said that it changes the whole thing when you find out that someone is a Stern fan. He said he went on Jimmy Kimmel once and they started talking about Howard and it relaxed him. He said it's a big bonding thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said no one is a bigger fame whore than Ralph. He said that he doesn't really care for Ralph. He said that he doesn't want to hear about Gary's life and even less about Ralph's. Jon said that Howard is interested in Ralph though. The caller said Howard talks to him every day and who cares? Adam said until about 6 months ago he thought Ralph was Andy Dick because you never see them in the same place. Jon said that Ralph is like 50 now. He said he's a single guy. Adam said when you're 50 you're not ''single'' you're ''alone.'' Jon said Ralph loves his mom and sister. Adam said he loves them like a mental patient. Adam said it's not that funny, it's just sad. He said he loves Ralph though. He said he thinks he's an integral part of the show.
Adam said he loves when callers say that they were going to turn the channel when someone came on the air. He said no one turns it off. He said it makes no sense. Adam said they do radio for 4 hours and it's like 1/8th of a day. He said that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to have to turn the radio off because of one person like Ralph.
Jon asked how big of a fan he is. Adam said he likes to think that he can close his eyes and picture Sal's house. Jon said Sal revealed that he had a powder brush in his makeup bag yesterday. Adam said that's not surprising with an actor on TV. Jon said he's on a radio show though. Jon said that Sal is thinking that his son is in high school now and he doesn't want to embarrass him. Adam said he thinks Sal should take his son and man up and go to Bloomies and get makeup done together and then go for tea and talk about the techniques for applying the makeup.
Jon said Sal has done other things on the show that might be more embarrassing than the makeup. Adam said they went through Fred's bag once and that stuff is really personal. He said it's so much more personal than getting hypnotized and telling people you were a turtle. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon asked Gary if he resents being called a fame whore. Gary said there is a lot going on there. He said of course he likes it. He said he only does things he really likes. He said he has done some TV game shows and the VH1 show. He said that the show they pitched would have been fine without them in it. He said that if Howard decided to leave they needed to have something.
Adam asked about the show they pitched to VH1 and if the guy who bought it was high. He said it was the most boring show he's ever seen. Gary said he could say it was exactly what they wanted. Adam asked him to please tell him it's not. Adam said he didn't even see the show. He just heard the clips Howard played. That led to Jon playing a clip of the day Howard played some audio of Jon and Gary's show. Jon said that's how the show kicked off with Howard introducing it that way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary isn't a fame whore at all. He said he thinks that he does other things and does the best he can and he shows that off by doing it on other shows. Jon said Gary told him he'd love to do Celebrity Apprentice. Gary said he always wanted to do that because of his competitiveness. He said all of those people on the show have never worked a day in their life. He said that's funny for him.
Adam said he met Donald Trump yesterday. He said he was on the Late, Late Show with Regis last night. He said the guy is really tall and he came right up to him and stated talking to him. He said Trump told him that Tom Brady is a good friend of his. He said he didn't really care. Adam said he's a Jets fan so Gary said he likes him even more now. Gary said that it has to happen sooner or later for them. Adam said he's not sure he can let his son be a fan.
Gary said he knows a guy who has the money to buy the Jets and he was calculating how long it might take before he can buy them. Adam said Woody has to walk away soon. He said there's a lot going on there. He said that franchise is run upside down.
Jon said that Howard and Robin were talking about therapy today. He asked who has the harder time, Howard or Robin's therapist. Adam said Howard goes like 5 times a week. Gary said he has to think that Howard goes and isn't getting any better. Adam said as an avid fan of therapy and someone who goes to therapy, you don't really get cured like that. He said if it's helping Howard get through the day it's working. He said that's a lot of time to go though. He said he gets wiped out for 4 days after going to therapy one day. He said Howard going multiple times a week has to be tough.
Gary asked if Adam went to therapy and wasn't cured for years and years, would he be upset. Adam said he doesn't think there is a cure like that. He said he's sure Robin's therapist has a lot to deal with.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Gary could do well on Celebrity Apprentice. He said he has 30 years of throwing people under the bus. Gary said he thinks that they cast the show with wacky people who will blow up the show on purpose. He said that Gary Busey is one of those guys and Meatloaf is another one. Adam said he didn't see the Meatloaf thing. He asked if he was waving a scarf around. Gary said he wasn't but he was throwing art supplies around.
Jon said that he has the results of the poll and 51 percent of the people say that Howard is right about Gary being a fame whore. 49 percent don't think so. Jon and Adam said that isn't so bad.
Gary said he thinks he could do Celebrity Apprentice but he'd have to leave the show for 3 weeks straight. Jon said he could do that but he wouldn't live that down.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and gave Adam some plugs for the Late, Late Show hosting thing and The Mindy Project. They ended the show around 11:55am.
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Jon said that Scott the Engineer stayed home on the snow storm day. He said everyone else came in. Scott did show up on Wednesday though. Jon asked if the fans think he did the right thing. Jon said he thinks that if there is something pressing with the family then that's fine. Jon said that there is a lot of pressure to be at work. He said you don't want Howard thinking that you don't want to be at work. Jon said that he's never been around more people who work so hard and are so dedicated to putting out a great show. Jon said he doesn't think it will happen soon but it will come to the surface. He said then they'll see how Howard reacts. Jon went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who asked why no one can say to Howard that people want to be home with their family on a snow day. He said it doesn't make sense that no one can say that. He said Scott almost broached it but he thinks he was afraid to put it out there. Jon said all Howard said was ''What's your plan?'' He said it is a loaded question but Scott went crazy. Jon said the thing is that you don't want to let the boss down. He said if you're not there then you are letting him down. Jon said even if he had a good reason to be home Howard is there working and he thinks that the rest of them should be there.
Gary said that he stayed home for Hurricane Sandy and got a ton of shit for it. Gary said that this was just a snow storm. He said with Sandy no one knew what was going to happen. He said that made him more nervous than this storm did. He said that they all had a chance to get a hotel room and Scott didn't. Gary said the other thing is that in Howard's head snow day, personal day and mental health days don't exit. He said Jackie took a mental health day once and that doesn't work for Howard. Jon said that this isn't like school. This is a business and they look at it like you should be there if you can get there. Jon said Howard wants you there but he won't come out and say it. Gary said he thinks he hates the term ''snow day'' because people think they're entitled to it. Gary said he agrees with Howard but that's because he was raised on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Howard. He said Scott should have gotten to work like everyone else did. Gary asked about what would happen if Scott couldn't get home and he had to get a generator going. The caller said he has to go to work and he can't go in and tell his boss he has to stay home because they ''might'' get this epic snow. He said they've had bad snow storms before but you get up and get to work. Gary said the bridges and tunnels were closed that morning so Scott wouldn't have been able to drive in. Jon said he could have stayed at a hotel the night before.
Gary said his mother once begged his dad not to go to work when he was sick with the flu and he went anyway. He said he remembers seeing him puking outside before he got into his car.
Another caller said he thinks that Scott is being passive aggressive because of the way Howard treats him. He said he thinks that he is just tired of putting up with it. He said he's been there for a very long time and he's doing his job and he doesn't think he's appreciated so he's just going to take a day off. The caller said he can't remember Howard being nice to Scott at all. Gary said he thinks that Howard has said nice things about him. He said he'd have to dig through the archives.
Jon said if things are going smoothly you may not get recognized. Gary said that it's like an offensive lineman and if you don't hear his name through the whole game then you probably did a good job.
The caller said he thinks Scott is at the end of his rope and he doesn't care anymore. He said he's just doing his job and earning his money.
Gary said that he and Robin went out to dinner last night. It was him, his wife, Robin and Ralph. He said that they saw the Elephant Man play and Robin told him that she saw Scott smoking outside the building and he was making love to that cigarette he was smoking.
Jon had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News headlines. She ran through a few of those and then went to break.
Jon said their poll is still going. He said he'll have the results at the end of the show. Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks Howard is kind of a hypocrite. She said Howard calls someone talented and then calls them ugly, fat and gay. She said that if someone did that to Howard he'd be very upset. She said that Howard railed on the Daily News for having opinions about him. She said that he is so sensitive about his looks and it seems a little uneven.
Gary said he thinks that Howard would be sensitive. He said Howard was saying Sam is fat but he's not that fat. He said he thinks he was just saying that he isn't the more traditional looking pop star. The caller said she gets that but Howard did call him fat and ugly. She said no one wants to be called fat and ugly. Jon said Howard did acknowledge that the next day. He said Howard is doing 4 hours of radio and he's just goofing on everyone including himself. He said he thinks Howard would be sensitive but he also makes fun of his own looks. The caller said it is easy to be self deprecating. Gary said he's been goofed on for 30 years and he still makes it to work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't know Sam Smith from a hole in the wall until Howard talked about him. He said the guy isn't fat at all. He said he's not sure why Howard is talking about dudes anyway. Jon said he thinks the caller is right about the weight thing. He said Howard is a stick and the first comments they get from fans is ''Wow! You're not as fat as Howard says you are.'' Gary said if you're not rail thin then you're fat to Howard. He said there is either skinny or fat with Howard and that's it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard was including himself in those ''ugly mother fucker'' comments. He said that he doesn't think that much about it. Gary asked if he thinks Sam Smith is the male Adele. Gary said he doesn't think that he's that big. Gary said she's chubby and she knows it. Gary said she's very talented too though. Jon said he doesn't think that Sam is as fat and bad looking as people say. Jon said Gary has dealt with Sam Smith before. Gary said they had him on a charity event that he was at for Lifebeat. He said that was the show where Iggy Azalea moonwalked right off the stage. Gary said that Sam was even talking about coming to do the show back then. Gary said he is still working on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks the whole thing with David Arquette was out of line. He said that he thinks that Howard talks off the cuff and that's just the way it happens. Gary said he likes David Arquette. He said he's fun and nice. He said that the show hasn't changed, David has. He said he's all about peace and love in the world. He said maybe this isn't the show for him to listen to if that's the way he's feeling. He said it might be too upsetting. Jon said he thinks he's too dedicated a fan to stop listening.
The caller said he thinks that they could get Gary on Celebrity Apprentice and they could work a schedule for him. Gary said they could but he could end up there making a fool of himself. He said if he does that then Howard looks like a fool. Jon said Gary saying how good he would be is going to make people gun for him. He said he has to lie low a little bit. Gary said he would do that. He said that he wouldn't tell people he's going to win. Gary said he has to get along with people on the show to make it work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets the feeling that Howard didn't even know who Sam Smith was when he was talking about him. He said he may not have even known. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he saw one picture of Sam on the cover of his album and he odes look kind of chubby. He said Howard wouldn't just make something up without seeing the guy.
Jon asked Gary if he's surprised at the amount of press that's getting. Gary said he is. He said they had something picked up from the Gwyneth Paltrow interview that wasn't that big of a deal. He said once the media gets a hold of it they run with it.
Jon said he has the results of the poll. He said that 62 percent of the people say ''no' that we don't need more peace and love. 38 percent said yes. Jon wrapped up the show after getting a plug in for today's Sternthology. They ended the show around 11:35am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's replays. After the clip Jon said that the only worst thing than getting caught with a makeup bag is lying about it. Eric said he's the J-Lo of the Howard Stern Show. Jon said that you do have to look good to do a radio show. Eric laughed.
Jon said they have a poll up today and they have a list of people who could win the Oscar and the Academy Awards this year. He said that they'll read the results at the end of the show.
Jon asked Eric what it's like to do the Howard Stern Show and then hear feedback about it. Eric said he has a lot of people including famous people coming up to him saying they heard him on the Stern Show. He said Dr. Drew Pinsky was one of the famous ones. He said he had a ton of people like Jack Black coming up to him after he did the show. Jon said that he sat back with them and they still play the prank calls he did back in the office. Eric said he morphed into a different guy when he did that. He said he had a good time doing them.
Jon said he thinks that Bobo is still angry at Eric. He said that Bobo was voted the worst caller ever and he wonders if Eric had something to do with that. Eric said he may have. He said that he loved the call Sal did with Bobo where he thought the world was ending. He said it was great. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Howard has battled management for years. He said that Eric doesn't have to deal with that too much with his show. Gary said that they used to add new markets for Howard on terrestrial radio. He said program directors would start fucking with the show and it would suck for Howard. He said it would make for some great segments on the show though. He said they'd call the board ops and ask them what's going on. Eric asked what they were hitting on the show that would screw it up. Jon said it was a dump button that they'd cut parts of the show out with. He said that they'd hit the button thinking they were doing something good and then they'd hear about it later from someone in that market. Gary said they'd get the call and then they'd tell Howard and chaos would ensue.
Jon asked Eric if he was in the city for the blizzard. Eric said that he wasn't affected by it too much. Jon asked about what he thinks about Scott staying home. Eric said he doesn't what to get on his ass too much. He said he'd rather talk about their VH1 show. Jon said he thought he was going to Adam Pally him for a second. Eric said he didn't even see his VH1 show. He said that he will go on record saying that it was good and one of the best.
Jon said that Scott didn't say what his personal matters were at home but that's what he said he had to stay home for. Jon asked if he has anyone at work who stays home for anything like that. Eric said they only shoot for 20 days. Gary said they have a lighter schedule there at work and they feel they do a limited schedule so they have to be there. Gary said that Scott said he had a personal issue at home so they let him take off. Eric said they have to keep on him about that. He said he doesn't think there is a personal matter. Gary said he's heard that from Scott before and he remembers Tom Chiusano going at him over that in the past. He said Tom demanded to know what the personal matter was. He said he's not sure they can even ask.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Bradley Cooper should win the Oscar. He said he thinks the movie was great and the end of the movie where he's trying to help the veterans is what people should be talking about. Jon said that he is with him there. He said people should see that. He said that the question is if he will Baba Booey the crowd. Eric said he thinks that he should yell out Howard Stern's Penis during the event.
Gary said he saw Bradley the other night and he wished him luck. He said he told him not to forget ''And a Baba Booey to y'all.'' he said that Bradley actually laughed but he's not sure what they should say.
Jon asked Eric if he would mention Howard in an Emmy speech. Eric said that he would and then he would mention his own penis and masturbate into the crowd.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard Eric on the show and he loves his show. He asked to hear some of his lines from the show. Eric did that for him and Jon let the caller go.
Jon said that Eric did his finale show and he thought it was very funny. Eric said they wanted it to be unwatchable. Gary said they get a lot of people to do that show. Eric said most people say no to them. Gary asked if they don't know who he is or don't know the show. Eric said that he thinks it might be both.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary stayed home one year a couple of years ago. Gary said he addressed that yesterday. He said there's a huge difference between a hurricane and a snow storm. He said that it was a bigger fear than with the snow storm. Eric said that sounds pretty bad to him. Eric said he's from Florida so they get hit by a lot of stuff. He said it sounds a little bit like bullshit to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is an entertainment show and they don't get snow in Seattle. He said you can't shut the show down because of snow. He said Scott should realize that and get to work. Gary said that their Program Director crunched some numbers and they figured the show had to go on based on how many people were going to be affected and by how many would need to hear the show.
Jon let Eric go and said that they had to take a break. Gary asked if Maria Menounos had any idea what she was going to be involved with on the show. Eric said she had no clue what was going on. They spent a few seconds on that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked said that Eric Andre show should be Man seeking Man. He said that he thinks that he might be kind of into guys. Gary said that he's just not afraid to get naked to get a laugh.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard kept saying that Scott was going to be taking a vacation day but did he take one or is it counted against something else. Gary said he has no idea. Gary said if the bridges are closed to get to work he's not sure how to answer that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Scott is being hypocritical by expecting more money and all of that when he doesn't have the drive that Robin, Howard and Fred have. Jon said he brings up an interesting angle. He said if he wasn't good at his job he wouldn't be there. He said there is being proactive and reactive though. He said that Howard wants to see him get ahead. Gary said Scott is a union guy and he works very hard for a union guy. He said Scott did get screwed at K-Rock years ago and he did slow his work down but he never screwed Howard over with that. He said he was in and out at the hours he was told to work. He said that Scott has gone above and beyond as a union worker over the years.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Scott gets the raw end of the deal. He said that last year they had a lot of ice storms and snow. He said they were told to stay home and work from home instead of coming to work. He said he knows Howard has this insane work ethic but sometimes you have to cut the guy a break. He said some people have to stay home and take care of their family. He said Gary did that with the hurricane.
Gary said he's not trying to sound like a jerk but they are in a business that most people aren't in. He said they serve the public on the radio. He said it's okay if you work in a job where you can make up for it another day but if they are expected to be on then they should be there.
Jon said they should also address how Howard just asked Scott what his plan was. He said Howard will tell you to do what you have to do but what's behind that question? He said that you never hear the ''and...'' part. Gary said that Howard will say it in a way that will tweak someone.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that she agrees with the last caller about the show not being a news show. She said it's okay for them not to be on. She said to make someone feel guilty about it is ridiculous.
Gary said with Hurricane Sandy they said that people could die. He said with the snow storm is was just going to be snow. He said they never said anything other than that. Jon said that Robin was also chiming in and going off on Scott asking what he was going to be able to do. Gary said that's what he did during the hurricane. He said that it wasn't about lifting a tree off the house. He said he was going to be there to help them.
Jon said he thinks that Sal is still upset about the makeup bag. Gary said Sal is really rattled by this. He said he doesn't want to pile on him but he wonders if there was something they didn't see in there. He said that it seems odd that he was so upset about it. Jon said he thinks that Sal is upset about being found out that he had to go home to get concealer. He said his kids are getting older and they might be seeing what their dad is up to. He said that he has to deal with that as the kids get older.
Gary said he's going through some of that with his son Lucas now. He said his son has to be secretly listening to the show somewhere. He said he doesn't want him knowing what he's saying on the air. Jon said his daughter listens too. He said that she is wondering why people are saying he looks like a fat lesbian now.
Jon played a preview of today's Sternthology which includes a segment where Howard and the guys went through Fred's bag. After playing that clip Gary said he can't even listen to that. Jon said he can tell he's uncomfortable listening. Gary said he remembers the feeling that they were all dead if Fred came in. He said that they had no right to look through his bag. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:45am.