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Howard started the show talking about how Beetlejuice will be stopping in this morning. Robin said they haven't spoken to him in a long time. Howard played his ''This is Beetle'' song.
Howard said it's also time to remind you that if you missed the Eric the Actor tribute that the entire broadcast is up on their On Demand service. Howard said that it was a big loss to everyone. He said Eric was really special on this show. He said he's glad they were able to do the tribute for him. Howard said so many letters and things of that nature came in for him. He said he has so many things to report about that. Howard said first of all ISIS or ISIL had this message for Eric. Howard played a clip of an interpreter giving a message they said about Eric. Howard said they also have something that made him feel really sad. He said TNA wrestling was one of Eric's favorite things. Howard said he wanted to work with them. Howard said the guys on TNA wrestling had some things to say about Eric. Howard played that and they dedicated that broadcast to Eric the Actor Lynch. They talked about how big a fan Eric was. They said ''Bye for now'' to Eric in that broadcast. Robin said that touched her. Howard said they didn't even mention Joan Rivers passing but they did with Eric.
Howard said they had a 21 Ack, Ack salute too. Howard played that audio clip too where they had guns and Eric's ''Ack, ack'' playing at the same time.
Howard said he has Eric calling in from heaven. He played a clip of Eric trying to talk on his JFSC show and having technical problems. Howard was making it sound like he was having major technical problems from Heaven. Howard also played a song about Eric by Psych and a Wack Packer curse commercial parody featuring a Morgan Freeman impersonator.
Howard played some audio of President Obama saying goodbye to Eric the Actor. Howard played that clip of an Obama impersonator saying a few things about Eric. Howard said he got a shout out on Sports Center too. Howard played that clip and they threw Eric's name in when they mentioned the Oakland As.
Howard said Eric was mentioned in a podcast. Howard said it was very sweet. Howard played that clip from some wrestling podcast called Cheap Heat. They talked about Eric and also about what a big deal Howard Stern is. Howard said he was thinking that he hopes he's remembered by Cheap Heat too. He said that he really knows how to give a eulogy. Howard said if Eric had just known he'd be mentioned on that podcast he'd be thrilled. Howard said he doesn't think Mandela was missed this much.
Howard said Beetlejuice will be stopping by to offer his condolences as well. He said he'll save his comments until later. Howard said Will knows what he said. Howard asked Will what it was. Gary said Beet doesn't even remember who Eric was. Will said he also said that he wouldn't be who he was without him coming on the show.
Howard said Beet has his own legacy to deal with. Howard said there will be more of them when Beetle comes in later. Howard said hang on for that.
Howard said he was talking to some high level people and they turned to him asking who the most important Wack Packer was. Howard said he told them to answer their own question. He said this guy said that Beetlejuice was more important. Howard said he has to think about that. He went with Eric the Actor. Howard said maybe it is Beetlejuice though. Howard said maybe it was Hank the Dwarf. Howard said he went with him when his high level lawyer friend pointed that out. Howard said 3 guys with white jackets showed up and took them away for the weekend. Robin said she would love to hear that debate.
Howard said maybe they can put up an insta-poll for that Wack Packer thing. Jason said he can do that. He said he needs 15 minutes. Howard said they'll find out who wins. Howard said that you have to use your head.
Howard said he can imagine seeing this thing. Robin said that can't be her speaking. Howard said it is. Robin said things like ''A cold is your body's way of crying.'' Robin asked when she said those things. Howard asked what the fuck happened to her. Howard said she has these gems. Howard said that's close to what Oprah is doing. Robin said she doesn't remember saying these things.
Howard said he has to congratulate George Clooney on getting married. Howard said that on New Year's Eve he was with George and his fiancee, Amal Alamuddin. Howard said he was at his house. Howard said he is more nervous than ever when he's at a house like that. He said he thinks there are people in the room who hate him. He said that he prefers to stay home where he's loved. Howard said it was an incredible evening. Howard said he was mesmerized by George's fiancee. Howard said he got into a 45 minute conversation with her. Howard said he doesn't drink at parties like that. He said he has one drink and that's it. Howard said he has about 4 glasses to drink a week. He said he'd defying his doctor's orders.
Howard said he isn't an alcoholic. He said that he had a test come back about something in his liver being elevated. Howard said he was told to limit his drinking to one or two a week. Howard said he got upset about that. Howard said he enjoys socially drinking. Howard said he was told to stop and he wondered what the hell was going on. He said he had a problem with that so maybe he has a problem with drinking. Howard said Beth took it hard too. He said she was upset that he wasn't going to be drinking. Howard said he drinks Perrier instead. He said it's in a glass so it looks like he's drinking. Howard said he had them put his water in an old fashioned glass to make it look like he had a drink.
Howard said it appears that you're not having fun when you don't drink. Howard said he was introduced to George's fiancee and she has an accent. Howard said he got into a conversation with her and she was unbelievable. Howard said she's a barrister in some world court. Howard said that's wild. Howard said she was telling him about how she had to defend Muammar Gaddafi's son or something. Howard said it was a whole discussion about her job. Howard said she's intoxicating. Howard said she's not only hot but brilliant. Howard said she told him she was a barrister and he thought she worked at Starbucks. Howard said she told him that she was a lawyer.
Howard said that George would come over and put his arm around her to mark his territory. Howard said he was just intoxicated with her and locked in conversation. Howard said they were talking for like 45 minutes and she said ''enough about me already...'' and asked about him. Howard said that she asked about his job and all of that. Howard said that he just told her what he does isn't that important. Howard said he flies little people with balloons and things like that. Howard said he gets it. He sees why George married her. Howard said he still gives him three weeks but he sees why he's trying it. Howard said you have to meet this girl to see it.
Howard said he was picturing the life they must have. Howard said she's not waiting for George to plan the day. He said she has to fly to another country to represent some dude. Howard said she's not just sitting around saying that she's married to George Clooney. Howard said he pictures what it must be like for them when they are in some other country and they get up. He said George is telling her his thoughts and then she's reading the paper. Howard said George goes off to the set and she's on the phone yelling at Kim Jong Un. Howard said he imagines George going down on her while she's on the phone trying to help people with Leprosy. Howard said it's hot. Robin said they're a different kind of power couple now. Howard said they are. Robin said she looks quite lovely. Robin said she saw pictures of her arriving for the wedding ceremony. Howard played more of the Eric the Actor 21 gun salute to George and his wife.
Howard asked Johnny about the ashes and what they did with them. Howard said they were put in a chair. Johnny said it's like a granite bench. Robin asked where it's going to be. Johnny said it's at the mortuary. Howard said he doesn't understand any of this. Robin didn't either. Johnny said he's never heard of this either.
Howard asked if people can sit on the bench. Johnny said they can. Howard thanked him for the update. Johnny said he had more. He said that Eric's caretaker, Jon, is having a tough time and he has a Paypal account. He said if you want to send a donation you can send it to JonJ95835@gmail.com
Johnny told Howard that Jon has some hilarious stories about Eric. Howard thanked him for the call and let Johnny go. Howard said that he revealed to them that Eric is in a chair now. Howard said they can sit on him. He said they may fly out and do that.
Howard talked about doing that show and how he got the call to do it. He said it really appealed to him. Howard told Robin about getting to work with Rip Torn and Garry Shandling. Howard said it took forever to shoot. Howard said he had to go do the Tonight Show with Jay Leno too that day. He said he didn't have a lot of time. Howard said Garry Shandling was debating whether or not to eat yogurt during the scene. Howard said that he ended up eating the yogurt. Howard said that he was quite amazed by this whole thing. He said that Gary is one of the most talented mother fuckers. He said he's not one to challenge that.
Howard said they have the poll up on HowardStern.com for the most important Wack Packer. Howard asked Jason how it works. Jason said the link is there on the front page and they have Hank, Eric and Beetlejuice to vote for. Howard said they are going to work on doing a Mount Rushmore for the Wack Packers. Howard said that they will be doing that in either North or South Dakota. Howard said he's not sure where.
Howard said Beetlejuice will be in later. He said he's past that 39 year old cursed age. He's 46. Howard said that maybe he should include other people like Wendy in that poll. Howard said Gary the Conqueror too. Howard said they're trying to stop saying ''the retard'' with Wendy and Gary. Howard said this has unleashed a fury with High Pitch Eric who wants to be called Eric the Guitar player. He said Bobo wants to be known as the guy with real hair. He said Ass Napkin Ed wants to be called anything since he's so lonely.
Howard said that if you want to hear that Eric the Actor 19 hour tribute you can find it on the SiriusXM On Demand show. Howard said it's 19 hours long. Howard said he's one of the few callers that he could stand for more than a few minutes.
Howard said Paris Hilton got millions to be a DJ at some event. Howard said that they said it was $4.6 million. Howard said that he also read in the paper that the iPhone was tested by Consumer Reports and it didn't bend like people are saying it does. Howard said he's having some issues with his phone. He said things aren't working correctly. Robin said they did have a few glitches with it.
Howard said that he wanted to get Eric a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he's not sure if they'd do that for him though.
Howard asked JD to pronounce Albany, New York. JD said it and it sounded fine. JD said that he may have said it like Al-bany. He said that he may have said it like that. It's more like ''All-bany.'' Howard said that Gary pointed that out to him. Howard told him not to get too bent out of shape about it.
JD said he took a porn star chick, Lisa Ann, to a movie. Howard asked ''What?'' like he was shocked. JD said he had a ticket and his girlfriend wasn't able to go. Howard said that's the girl who wanted to have sex with him. JD said that's a different chick.
Howard said he and Robin saw the movie ''The Judge'' together. Howard said that was really good. JD said he saw Whiplash. Howard asked if he beat off to any web cam girls. JD said he did not. Howard said he's a liar. JD laughed. Howard said that he says good morning to JD and all he hears is him moaning. Howard said that's not much of a good morning. Howard said that he asks JD about things and all he gets are these mumbling comments from him. Howard did his impression of JD and goofed on him for a short time about that. JD walked out in the middle of that. Howard said it's not as much fun when he's not there. Howard said how dare you insult him. JD said he has other things to do. Howard said this is what he has to do. Howard and Fred were both doing their impressions of him.
Howard asked if JD's girl calls him JD or Jamie. JD said she has called him both. Howard asked if JD went to dinner before the movie with Lisa Ann. JD said it was just the movie. Gary said she's in their fantasy football league and JD tried to get her in last year. He said that she may have offered to blow him to get her in last year. Howard asked if that's what people have to do to get into the league. JD said no. He laughed as Howard goofed on him about that. Howard asked if that's how Ben Barto got in. JD laughed. JD said they did talk about that on the air but it never happened.
Howard asked if he had one web cam girl this weekend. JD said he did not. He swore on the life of his mother that he didn't. Robin asked when he last had one. JD said it's been a while. Howard asked if he masturbated to Lisa Ann. JD said that he actually came there to work. Howard said he remembers that message that Adriana Chechik left for JD. Howard played that. It was Adriana saying all kinds of things that she'd have JD do with her. Howard said that he may want to stay away from her.
Howard said Sal has kind of a funny thing. Howard asked where he was. Sal came in. Howard said he got up and pitched a bit about Mullatos. Howard said Sal wrote it down as ''Melado'' and you'd think he'd look it up. Howard said that it's spelled Mullato. Sal said he was thinking something else. Howard said he would teach his kids how to spell and you tell them to spell it like it sounds. Howard said Sal is still doing that. He said that an adult would go out and look it up. Sal said he doesn't spell that word much so he just used that.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks about JD going out with a porn star to a movie. Sal said they should sniff his cock. Howard asked JD how he'd feel if his girlfriend went to a movie with Lexington Steele. JD said he'd be fine. He said that guy isn't going to whip it out during a movie. Howard asked if he would let her go with Jared Fox. JD said he would. Gary said that's a lie. Gary said JD isn't going to let her go with them. JD said it's just a movie. Sal said she'd come home shitting blood and then deny that Lexington Steele did anything to her.
Howard said that 3 guys on the staff have stolen cars. Howard said that Gary is one of them. Howard asked Gary why he stole a car. Gary said it was a joy ride and it was stupid. He said that he was 14 at the time. Gary said that the keys were in it and they took it for a drive. He said that Richard has also stolen a car. Howard asked Sal if he knew that. Sal said that it wasn't stealing it. He said it was just a quick thing. Gary said Scott is the other one.
Richard came in and said that it was a car lot in a small town and they left the keys on the front tire so they'd go out for joy rides. Richard said they would go out drinking and then drive. He said it wasn't smart. Howard said if the kids are listening they shouldn't do that. Howard asked if Scott's was a joy ride too. Richard said it's a boring ride with Scott.
Scott came in and said that he lived in Queens and he had a friend in Brooklyn and his friend would steal a car to drive home every day. He said it was like 5 cars a week. He said they'd just steal one and dump it off. He said they were about 16 or 17 at the time. He said the other kid was a little older. He said he didn't drive them though. He said he was crazy but he didn't do the stealing. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott going for a joy ride. They made it sound really boring and said that they weren't joy rides with him.
Scott told a story about Richard Christy and Dead Air Dave being out and calling him. He ended the story saying there wasn't much to it. Howard did an impression of Scott telling a bad story. Howard asked how may cigarettes Scott is smoking now. Scott said 4. Howard said you have to double that. Scott said he's going to stop soon.
Howard asked Scott if he was smoking when he called Richard on Facetime. Scott said he wasn't. Richard said he was smoking actually.
Howard found out that Dead Air Dave is called Dillon on air now. Howard said he doesn't look like a Dillon. Sal said it's more like Mahatma Dillon. Howard said that he really likes Dave. He said he's good on the air too.
Howard said that Richard has to cut down on the drinking. He said he was at some beer fest over the weekend. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and sang along to the song Fred was playing. Robin said she's been wondering where Sting has been. She said that he's been writing a Broadway show. Howard said he ran into him a few weeks ago. He didn't tell him about that play. Robin said that it's about his life and it's about to start in previews. Howard said Sting was more interested in talking to his wife. Howard said that he gets forgotten.
Howard said that he was a bachelor this weekend. He said Beth was in Los Angeles hosting the Dog Hero awards. Howard said she said there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Howard said it's going to be on TV at the end of October or something. Howard said Beth is also working on the Kitten Bowl too. He said that he thought that was done but she's still working on it. Howard said they have a whole new group of foster kittens coming in soon too. Howard said Beth has a children's book coming out in November. He said he read it and it's good. He said it's a good message for kids. He said it's about their cat who was only given a few months to live. Howard said the story is that the cat was supposed to die but his heart was healed. Howard said they didn't say that in the book but they do say that the heart was healed. Howard said they don't want to scare kids. Robin said they do in other books. Howard said they just want to get the kid to sleep and not scare them.
Howard said Beth is busy. He said he just hung out. He said he was an artist all weekend. Howard said he is trying to keep some things quiet so he won't talk about all of that. Robin said she saw one of his paintings and it was beautiful. Robin said she thought about it all weekend. Robin said she'd like to have that. Howard said she won't get it because he wants to keep it.
Robin said she knows Howard works in different sizes. Robin said she'd like something big from him. Howard said that might take a year. Robin said that's a long time. Howard said asked where she's going that she needs it faster. Robin said that's true. Howard said he has a drawer that he keeps the paper in. Robin asked if he mounts anything. Howard said he'd mount her. Howard said he put something in a frame this weekend. He said he did a beach scene that he mounted. Howard said maybe he'll take pictures at Robin's house and paint something there. Robin said that would be fantastic.
Hanzi said that Howard talked about giving up drinking. He said he should take up weed instead. Howard said he gets paranoid on that stuff. He said he can't do that. Howard said he just hates it. Howard said he wishes he could smoke it but he can't. Howard said he thinks it looks cool but he can't smoke it. Howard said drugs just aren't for him. Hanzi told him to stop being such a pussy. Howard said he doesn't enjoy it. Hanzi said weed isn't even a drug. Howard said it is a drug and it's addictive. Howard said if he enjoyed it he would smoke it. Howard said he would probably just eat it or use one of those vape pens.
Hanzi asked if they got any response from his virginity story. Howard said they didn't get anything. Howard said he thinks that their email might be broken. He said he expected a flood of responses. Howard said he didn't put Hanzi in that poll on the web site. Howard said he should have been there. Hanzi said that they don't mention him at all. Howard said they do too. Howard said they have a shitload of his songs. Hanzi said he never gets to go to the studio. Howard said that's up to his parents. Hanzi asked if they can pay for it. Howard said he's not going to pay for him. Howard said his name should be ''Imran Canyou'' instead of Imran Khan. Howard let Hanzi go when he was about to ask him to do something for him. Howard played him out with a song parody.
Howard said he has a Beetlejuice song game to play. He got another caller on the line to play that. Howard said that they are waiting for Beet to show up. He said they have a $500 prize to give away. Howard said that's courtesy of Panasonic. Howard said that James, the caller, is going to play this game where they ask Beetlejuice to finish song lyrics. The first one was Puff the Magic Dragon. Richard sang ''Puff the Magic...'' and Beet had to finish that. Howard said if he gets anything close to the song then James will win if he says yes. Howard asked if he will know it. James said that he will say he does not know. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Ain't no fuckin' magic tricks here bitch...'' He didn't say ''Dragon'' so James won $500. Howard
Howard said he just got a note saying that they played that clip before. Howard said that he wants to fire someone if that's the case. James said he's pretty sure he had heard that one before. Richard came in and said that he's the one who did it. Richard said he thought that they took them off as Howard played them. Richard said he's not sure why that one wasn't taken down. Howard said Richard is a fuckin' moron. Howard asked what's going on back there. Howard said maybe it's time to stop drinking. He said it's affecting his work. Richard said he's sorry. Howard said he's disappointed in Richard. He said he's a fucking hillbilly. Howard said James still gets the money. He said he's heard that clip before though.
Howard said that he wants to blame Gary for that. He said that he doesn't ride the guys enough. Howard said that people will say he's in a bad mood but this kind of thing really upsets him. He said that he wishes these guys were like the Japanese and they committed hari-kari. Howard asked Gary what's going on with this. Gary said that Richard's job is to make sure nothing is replayed. Gary said he has some thoughts on what to do about this. He said he'd rather talk about it off the air. Howard said he wishes Gary would just do things. Gary said that he can't do something without Howard knowing. He said he'd get upset if he did it wrong. Gary said he'd like to say to him if it happens again then something might happen. He said he's not sure they can even dock a day's pay anymore.
Howard said Richard fucks up and now he's punished because he has to go into a meeting with Gary. Howard said they should take away his guinea pig and flush it down the toilet. Howard said that he can't do that because he's such an animal lover. Howard said that maybe he'd pay attention if they threatened to do that to his pet.
Howard said he should stop him from drinking for a week. Robin said it should be a month. Howard said maybe a year. Howard said that it becomes a joke after that. Howard said that's a good game and he's bummed out by that.
The guys came up with some things that they could do to Richard to get back at him. They thought about sticking Benjy's finger up his ass. Howard said Richard would probably like that. Howard said he's going to take a break since he can't play another game. They didn't have anymore money to give away. Howard played the Beetlejuice song with Leslie West playing guitar on it. Howard said he wanted to hear that guitar part. Howard said he loves Leslie West. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Beetlejuice is dressed as don King. He said that he's promoting a fight that's happening at Bayonne High School. Howard said that it's good seeing him. Beet came in and said that he's doing good. Howard said he's living in Georgia now. Howard said that's why they don't see him so much. Howard said Beet outlived Eric the Actor. Howard asked if he ever met him. Beet said he never did. He said he saw him but not that much.
Howard said Beetlejuice paved the way for Eric. Beet said he didn't pay him. He said someone else paid him. Howard said without Beet there would be no Eric the Actor. Howard asked if he wanted to say a few words about him. beet said he died for nothing. He said he wasn't even around when he died. Howard asked if he went to the funeral. Beet said he didn't but someone else did.
Howard said Beet is dressed as Don King. Howard asked how long he's been managing boxers. Beetle said that it's been a 2 or 3 weeks. Howard asked what he says to the boxers. Beetle said that he tells them to keep their left up or their right hand up. He said sometimes it's both. Howard asked if he's afraid of brain damage in boxing. Beetle said that it can happen.
Howard said that Beetle used to be managed by Sean but he died and now Sean's brother Bobby is managing him. Howard asked if he goes on dates. Beetle said that he just hangs around with them. Howard said he used to get laid a lot when Sean was alive. Beetle said it's not too much now.
Howard asked if he wore a condom. Beetle said he did most times. Howard asked when he got laid last. Beetle said he doesn't remember. He said it's been too long. Howard asked if he has religion now. Beetle said that he does. Howard asked if he believes in god. Beetle said he does. He said he goes to church every day. Howard asked what he says to god. Beetle said he talks to him. Robin asked if he prays and if he could say one now. Beetle said he's not a preacher.
Howard asked how much money is proper to give at the church. Beetle said that you give whatever you have in your pocket. He said it might be a dollar or something. Robin asked when he started going to church. Beetle said that he's been going since he was a kid.
Howard said that it must be complicated to get him to a gig if he's living in Georgia. Howard asked Gary to get Bobby in there to talk about that.
Howard said Beetle is semi-retired now. Beetle said he is. Howard said he's not retired but semi-retired. Bobby came in so Howard asked how his business is conducted. Bobby said he's been managing Beet for about 6 years now. He said it's a joy too. He said he loves the guy. Howard asked how they decide if it's worth flying him up. Bobby said it depends on what it's for. He said if it's worth it then they'll fly him up. He said they don't do the private party thing anymore. Howard asked Beet if he misses it. Beet said he doesn't do it too much. Howard asked if he has any teeth left. beet showed him and he does have a few. Howard asked what he eats. Beet said he can eat anything. Robin asked if he likes chicken and things like that. Beetle said he eats chicken like once a week.
Howard asked if he still goes to the gym. Beetle said that he goes about once a week. He said he benches once in a while. Howard said he's really changed a lot. Bobby said he lost some weight. Howard asked Beet if he has any health problems. Beetle said he's really healthy. He said he takes medication once a year or once a month.
Bobby said Beet is actually diabetic. Robin said that must be complicated. Howard said he doesn't want to lose Beetlejuice. Howard said he has to make sure he stays alive. Beet said he will always stay alive. Howard said he heard he smokes. beet said he smokes once in a while. He said he smokes once a week. Howard asked if he has cut back. Bobby said that it's about 2 and a half packs a day. Howard said that's a lot of cigarettes. Howard asked if he thinks he'll go to heaven. Beet said he does.
Howard asked Beet what he thinks he'll see when he gets to heaven. Beet said he'll see Jesus or something. Howard asked Beetle about the boxing match that he'll be at in Bayonne. Beet said there will be 2 or 3 guys who come in during the day. He said that they do their training. Howard asked if he'll be managing them. Beet said that he won't box. He said he will just be on the side. Howard said he used to worry about him when he boxed. Beet said he was undefeated.
Howard asked Beetle about the ISIS thing. Beetle said that he doesn't get involved in nothing. He said that's on them.
Howard asked Bobby what his routine is. Howard said to get him out of Georgia must be tough. Howard asked if he gets asked for autographs in Georgia. beet said not that much. He said it's more in New York. Howard asked Bobby if he calls his mom. Bobby said he does. Howard asked if he has to fly down and get him. Bobby said sometimes he does. He said this time he sent someone to get him at his house and drive him to the airport. He said he had someone meet him at the gate. Bobby said that he has him fly by himself. They have a special needs thing set up for him on the flight. Howard asked what Beet needs help with. Beetle said he needs help with his bag. He said they have to put that on the bottom of the plane. He had a carry on and a suitcase. Howard asked if he has a lot of clothes. Beet said he does. Bobby said he stays with him. Howard said he'd love to shoot a documentary of that.
Howard asked Beet about flying and if he shits on the plane. Beet said he doesn't get off the plane. He said he waits for everyone else to get off. Beet said that he uses a different bathroom before the flight. Howard asked if he ever shits in the toilet on the plane. Beetle said he doesn't know.
Bobby said the flight attendant told him that Beet lit up a cigarette on the flight. Beet blamed that on Dominic. Bobby said that he wasn't there this time. He said this was just on Saturday night and Beet was flying by himself. Howard asked if he blames everything on Dominic. Bobby said he does.
Howard asked if he got in trouble for that. Bobby said that you can but the flight attendant knew what was going on there. Beet kept saying that he didn't do it. Howard said that is the way to get out of something. He said you always deny, deny, deny.
Howard asked what it's like flying with Beet. Bobby said that people will ask to be moved. He said Beet will sneeze in people's food and things. Beetle said that's Dominic. Bobby said they usually have plenty of room on the flight. He said they have room for the carry ons and things. He said some people will stick it out but they end up paying.
Howard asked what Beet dos on the flight. Bobby said that he sleeps. He said he has sleep apnea and he sounds like a broken dishwasher when he snores. Howard said that's a masculine snore. Howard asked if anyone ever jumps out of the plane. Beet laughed. Howard asked if he's ever had sex on a plane. Beet said he hasn't.
Bobby said he has jerked off on a plane. Beetle said he never did that. Bobby said that he was in the bathroom for like a half hour. Beetle denied that story too. Bobby said that Dominic saw Beet jerking off in the bathroom. Beetle denied it again. Bobby said Beet told him that he was jerking off ''by accident.'' Beetle said that he never does that because of his religion. Howard said that's an amazing story.
Howard asked bobby if he would ever write a book about these things. Robin said that would make a good children's book. Howard said maintaining Beet's career must be tough. Bobby said they would like to do a kid's book. He said maybe if Disney is listening they can help. Howard said there has never been anyone like Beetle since he was born. He's one of a kind.
Bobby said he hasn't seen Beet in about 8 months. He said he has an 8 year old and the last time he saw him he was shorter than Beet. He said now he's taller and he thought that Beetle shrunk because he didn't realize how much he grew.
Howard asked Bobby about where he keeps Beetle for sleeping. Bobby said he keeps him in the basement. He said that he's just back up this weekend. He said he's not sure how late he's going to sleep in tomorrow. Howard asked if he's cranky in the morning. Beet said he's not cranky.
Howard asked what they do for breakfast. Bobby said that they go to the diner. He said they did that yesterday. Howard asked what he had. Beetle said he had a sausage sandwich. Howard asked if he really did. Bobby said he did and he brought half of it home.
Howard said he's fascinated by this. He wondered what they do all day. Bobby said he works all day. He said he leaves him at his friend's office. He said his friend lets Beetle interview people. He said that Beetle is the boss at that place. Howard asked what Beetle's thing is. Beet said he just helps people out all day.
Howard said the poll for who is the most important Wack Packer is on. He said that Beet has 34 percent, Eric has 35 and Hank has 31. Howard asked why people should vote for Beet. Beetle said it's because he's a nice guy.
Howard asked Bobby about what goes on at the house with Beetle. Bobby said that his dog will be 6 blocks away when he gets home. He said sometimes he will start a fire in the fireplace. Howard asked how he does that. Bobby said there are logs there and he just lights it. Bobby said maybe it was Dominic.
Howard asked if beet stays up until he wants to. Bobby said he does. He said he thinks that he reads novels and things. Howard asked if he really does that. Beet said he does. Robin asked what he reads. Beetle didn't know. Bobby said he reads upside down. He said that the books are upside down when he does that.
Howard asked how long he's going to be with Bobby. Bobby said that he'll be up for 2 or 3 weeks. Bobby said that he's available for appearances if anyone is available. He said they've been asked to do some cuckolding stuff but they don't do that.
Howard said that has to be intriguing. Howard said that Beetle would get to fuck some guy's wife in front of him. Beetle said he doesn't know about that. Howard asked what kind of man would want to watch another man fuck his wife. Bobby said they never did get far enough to find out how much they'd pay. Howard asked how they can get in touch with Bobby. Bobby said all of the info is on JollyDwarf.com.
Howard said it sounds like Beetle is the good guy and Dominic is the bad guy. Beetle said that he shit in his pants. Howard said that's right, they found the shit and Beet blamed Dominic for that. Beetle said that's disgusting.
Howard said he's going to ask Beetle to talk about something. He said Benjy got fingered in the asshole by Perez Hilton. Beet said he heard all about it. He said he doesn't want to know nothing about it. Beetle said he doesn't want to know about that. Howard asked if that is gay. Beetle said it is. He said he doesn't do that. Benjy said it was Perez Hilton though so it was someone famous. Beetle said he doesn't care and he doesn't want to know.
Howard said Bobby is fascinating. He said this is a fascinating career to have. Howard said it has to be harder than his regular job. Bobby said it is. He said it's tough. Howard asked what the hardest part is. Bobby said just looking after him is tough. He said he can disappear in a second. He said that he'll go out with Beet and he'll just disappear. He said someone will ask him to smoke a joint and he'll end up hopping in a car and he'll be up in Boston. He said that happened once. He said they just took him. Howard said he heard that he has disappeared for as long as 3 days. Howard said he can't just get in someone's car and disappear. Beetle said he never does that. He blamed Dominic again.
Bobby said that Beetle has his business card and someone can find out how to contact him to get him back. Howard said they need a GPS tracker on Beet to keep track of him. He said he can't just get into a car with a stranger. Beet said he doesn't do that very much.
Howard said the best story was that Beet disappeared and came back with a Howard Stern tattoo on him. Bobby said that's when he was with Levy and the Killers of Comedy. Beet said he has a tattoo of Howard on him. Howard wanted to take a look at that. Howard said it takes up his entire forearm. Howard said it looks like he chews on his nails. Beetle said he doesn't do that. He said he gets them manicured. Beet said he would never do that. He said Dominic does that. Bobby said Dominic ate Beetle's nails.
Howard said this is something else. He said they have some great stories. Howard said that Beet must groom his moustache pretty well. He asked if he trims it. Bobby does that for him. Howard asked if his beard was quite unkempt when he got in this time. Bobby said there were pieces of French toast in the beard. Bobby said he cut his hair too. Howard said it looks great. He said it looks like a faux hawk. Beet said it's a Mohawk. Howard said he did a great job grooming him. He said he looks better than he has in years. Beet thanked him for that.
Howard said Beet is appearing at an amateur boxing match in Bayonne, NJ. Howard said that he has Leon Spinks on the phone. Howard took that call which was Sal and Richard playing clips of Leon mumbling. Howard asked if he had a question. Leon mumbled something and Beet answered like he understood what he said.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beetle in a bar and he bet him 8 cents on a game. Howard said maybe that was Dominic. Beet said it wasn't him. The guy said he doubled the bet and made it 8 billion. He said Beet owes him 8 billion. Beet said he doesn't have any money.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she can't choose between Eric, Beet or Hank. She asked Beetle what he thinks. Howard said it has to be impossible to pick. Howard said that the voting is split almost evenly between them. Beet mumbled something about that. Mariann said that she spent time with him years ago. Howard said it looks like Beet has had it with her. Howard hung up on her because Beet was giving him the sign that he wanted her off the line.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Howard doing his mom's voice and asking for Beet's horse cock. They had Howard saying he was parting the hairs and things like that. Beet was laughing saying something is wrong with that one.
Howard asked if Beetle has ever knocked up a woman. Beet said he has not. Howard asked how he does that. Beetle mumbled something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beetle is the best Wack Packer. He said that he's been sitting in his car for a half hour and he can't go into work.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what it is that makes his thinking so unclear. He said that it's fascinating to hear him denying that he smoked on the plane. Beet said he doesn't do things like that and he doesn't even smoke. Howard said Bobby says he does smoke. bobby said he smokes outside and on planes, that's it. Howard asked Beet if he has to smoke outside at home. Beet said he does.
Howard said he has Gray Dell'Abate on the phone. He took that call and the guys in the back were playing clips of Gary saying ''Fuck you'' and ''Go fuck yourself.'' Beetle said that guy is a real piece of shit. Beetle said that he can go fuck his sister. Howard said fuck you to the clips. They had Gary calling Beet names and Beet was calling him names back. Howard hung up on him after a few more comments.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if Beet has ever licked a girl's asshole. Beetle said he has not. He said he won't even lick a girl's vagina. He said he doesn't do nothin' like that. Beet said he never kisses girls either. He said he just hangs out. Howard asked if he puts his finger in girls. Beet said not really. Bobby said he has had sex and he has done oral. Howard asked if he's trying to keep all of that secret. Beet just laughed and mumbled something.
Howard asked Beetle if he would bang Robin. Beetle said that he's just a nice man. Robin said he must have given all of that up. Howard said we do mature and change. Howard said that he loves Beetle. He said he's looking forward to all of his appearances. He said he wants him to take care of himself and stay alive. Robin said they want him to stay around a long time.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Beetlejuice to make it sound like he was taking a call from Beetlejuice Jr. Beetlejuice Jr. was asking him to say some things to him. Richard and Sal were laughing as they were doing it and that was coming over the phone this time. Howard hung up a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beetlejuice Jr. was incredible. He said that he detects a difference with southern Beet and northern Beet. Howard asked if he has found himself down there. Beet said that he got away from the drug addicts and all of that shit in Georgia. Howard asked Bobby if he is happier now. Bobby said he does seem to be happier.
Howard took one more call from a guy who wished Beet luck on Friday night. Howard said Beet is looking good dressed up like a fight promoter. The caller asked if he's going to enter the ring to his theme song. Beet said he doesn't know. He said he's going to sit there and watch the fight, that's all.
Howard asked about Beetle's drinking and found out he can drink beer no problem but once he gets vodka in him then it's trouble. Bobby said he's made the mistake of leaving it out.
Howard asked if Beet will do anything special at the boxing match. Bobby said he may bring him up at the end of the night to present an award. Howard said that the fight is at Bayonne high school and they can get tickets at the door. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. They played a Beetlejuice song as they were going to break.
Howard said Joey boots has a podcast and he had High Pitch Eric on with him. He said he would listen to this after hearing the clips. Howard played a clip where High Pitch Eric was talking about his favorite show starting that night called Chicago Fire. Eric said he's going to eat Oreo's and drink Lemonade while he watches it. Joey asked Eric if he went to the gym. Eric said he's been napping instead. Howard said he's on such a sugar high and crash that he has to nap.
Howard said Eric was well over 300 pounds when he was in there. He said he could listen to his routine all day long. Howard played more of the clip and Eric was saying that he hasn't taken his medication in 2 days and he didn't know why. Joey told him he has to take them. He said he can't just stop. Eric said that he's on Welbutrin and he has black outs. He said that he had one that day. Joey said that's not good. Joey said he might have to come down there every day to make sure he takes them. Joey said that he's going to be the next one to die. Howard said Joey is like the Dr. Oz of the Wack Pack. Howard said Joey's pretty big too though.
Howard said he never watches the show Big Brother but they have it in Europe and they have Gary Busey on. Howard said it's all British celebrities and Gary Busey. Howard said it's very interesting with Gary on it. Robin said they had Evander Holyfield on one year spouting off about gay stuff. Howard said Gary Busey was doing the same thing. Howard said they should do that with the Wack Packers. He said he's just too lazy to do that.
Howard said that Busey was on this show and the host was asking him some question and he ended up saying that she was supposed to ask him 3 questions. He couldn't get off of that. Busey kept saying that she had to ask 3 questions.
Howard said he hopes they pay him. Robin said she thinks he won the whole thing. Howard said Gary just says things to people and he sounds really whacked out. Howard played a clip of Busey asking a guy if he was gay. The guy was talking to him about that and Gary asked if he was afraid to get butt fucked on the air. Busey said that he knows he has a Vaseline tube in every piece of his luggage. Howard said someone got offended by that of course. Howard played that clip as well. Busey was called out by this guy and he ended up arguing with him.
Howard said he's so good. He said they should throw in a guy from ISIS too. He said you can't argue with that guy. He said you'll never be right.
Howard asked Wynn if he works. Wynn said he's retired. He said he sold his company and he has some money. He said his partner was in there back in June. Howard said that's the move. He said he's 44 and retired.
Howard said that Jen kept her figure even with the 3 kids. Howard asked how she stayed din shape. She said you don't eat and you work out. Howard said that they're great conversationalists. Howard said that they can sit back and watch them bullshit for an hour.
Howard said someone on Twitter wrote about how she wishes Eric the Actor was around so he could call in and complain about why the 19 hour tribute to him wasn't enough. Howard said she's right and he wishes he were around too. Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin said he's made a ton of money in baseball. Robin said she's sure that he'll show up at autograph signings and he'll ask for money. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said there is no good reason for him to be at a signing. Howard said he thinks that if you make money then you don't ask for money for your autograph. Howard said that he has a problem with that.
Howard said that he has some audio of Jeter celebrating in his last game. Howard played that and the crowd was going nuts when he got a single. Howard played some audio from his apartment after the game too. He had audio of like 30 women moaning.
Howard said that Benjy was at it again and he crashed Obama's meeting at the UN. He played the bit they created using clips of Benjy screaming and the Obama impersonator speaking over him.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who started to say something but Fred's impression of him took over and Howard liked that so he had do more of that. They also played his theme song. Speech said he liked the other one better so Fred played that as well.
Howard asked what Speech wanted. Speech asked when Neil Young is coming in. Howard said it's in November. Howard said tomorrow they have Mario Lopez and Smokey Robinson will be in.
Speech asked Howard another question about Jimmy Page and Robert Plant but Howard said he has to go. Howard said he wanted to get Robert Plant on the show but Gary told him he doesn't want to do the show. Gary said he has been asked many times to do the show. He said that he was up there last Monday and he didn't do an interview with anyone there. He said he just recorded wrap arounds. Gary said that Jimmy Page is strongly considering them. Howard said that's who he'd like on the show then.
Howard said it was time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody by Matt Evans. Robin started her news with the Derek Jeter news and had some audio of his fans commenting on his final game.
Robin read a story about the Jets losing their third game in a row and their quarterback got mad at a fan and yelled the F-bomb at the fan and some cameras caught that. Howard talked to Gary about the Jets since he's a fan. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the team and how bad they are this season.
Howard took a call from a guy who was in the middle of mowing the lawn when Howard picked up on him. The guy said the Eric the Actor tribute was great this weekend. He said that the contributions he made to the show were amazing. Howard said they did a 19 hour tribute. He said you can download it On Demand from the SiriusXM app and web site. The caller thanked Howard for what he does. He said he misses Ferrall and he wishes they'd get some sports talk on Howard 101. Howard thanked him for that and said he can get back to mowing now. Howard played a song about Eric the Actor and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came right back and Robin read about what they get to do at this year's New York Comic-Con where they're going to reveal a Superman stamp. Howard said that speaking of super heroes Shuli was talking to Underdog Lady and she said she would come on this show. Howard said she has some demands like having no phone calls and having Shuli at her side. Howard said that she also demands a milk shake. Howard played some audio of Underdog Lady agreeing to come on the show as she's crying her answer.
Robin read more about the Comic-Con and what's going on with that. Robin said they're going to have events going on around the city this year. Robin said that they will have a few events around the city. Robin said among the highlights will include a Star Trek reunion with the cast of Next Generation. Howard pretended to jerk off. Howard said he smells something in the studio. Benjy said it's not him. He said it smells like Ramen noodle soup. Jason came in and said it smells like food but he's not sure where it's coming from. Howard said the whole studio smells and it's making him crazy. Howard said he can smell that stuff from a mile away. Robin read more about what's going on in the city with the Comic-Con thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's up with kissing Eric's ass. Howard said he loved the guy. The caller said he did not love him when he was on the phone. Howard said he did. Howard said now they can't find anyone who disliked Eric. Howard said that's what happened when someone dies. The caller said that Eric was the most annoying caller and now that guy Gonzo is even saying that he was great. Howard said that he loved Eric on the air. The caller said he probably hated him when he was in the studio. Howard said he didn't hate him. Howard said he loved Eric for being a prick. Howard said no one ever gets to know someone who is in that condition. Howard said Eric didn't kiss anyone's ass. He said he was a misery. The caller said that's why he was an asshole. Howard said that's what was great about him. Howard said he's arguing with a moron. Howard said there were a lot of people who didn't like him but he wasn't among them. Howard said he heard that Gonzo Shitcock has deleted his Twitter account.
Howard said that there's an article about Derek Jeter in the paper today about how he dates women and sends them home with a gift basket with Jeter memorabilia in it. Howard read some of that article and said he loves this. He said this is as bad as it gets. He said that he gives the girls baseballs in a gift bag. Howard said they wrote that he gave a girl the same gift that he had given her once before. He had forgotten about hooking up with her once before. Howard said he's glad there's something on this guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard has 15 more months on his contract and he wonders what he will be doing. Howard said he doesn't keep track of that stuff. He said he thought it was shorter. Howard said 15 months sounds like a long time. Howard said he appreciates him doing the math for him. The caller asked what he's going to do. Howard said he really doesn't know. He said he has an emotional problem. He said part of him thinks he won't be there anymore. There's another part that thinks he will. Howard said he's not saying this to confuse. He said that he doesn't spend his day thinking about that. Howard said he's not sure if he would be happy or sad to be off the air. Howard said he's not sure what to do about America's Got Talent either. Howard said his shrink asks him what he wants to do and he has no idea. Howard said that he gets sad hearing the alarm clock going off at 4am. The caller said he could bring his studio to his house. Howard said that would never work. He said he has to be there with the guests and his staff. Howard said he thinks it would be hard to walk away from it all.
Howard played Underdog Lady crying as she was asked if she would do the show. Howard said she's so sweet. Robin asked if he's going to be nice to her. Howard said he always thinks he's nice.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Lawrence and these nude photos. Robin said there are more photos of her being leaked. Howard said he's not sure why they're afraid to ask her why she has so many. Robin said there are a lot of other images that were leaked last week. Robin said there were 55 pics of Lawrence herself. Robin said that this was like the third dump of photos.
Robin read about Chelsea Clinton having her child. Robin said she had a girl.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that the Eric the Actor tribute was great but he thinks that Hank's would be even longer. He said that he was great on the show. Howard said that Wheels must have voted for Hank in the poll. Howard said he was debating it with his friends and they would bring stuff up that he did. Howard said that they went back and forth with the great bits they did. Howard asked Jason what the voting is at now. Jason said Hank has 27 percent,Eric has 35 and Beetlejuice has 38 percent. He said his appearance today may have nudges his numbers a bit. Howard said that could be the case. Howard said that you can still vote at HowardStern.com. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the funeral for Robin Williams that happened recently. Robin read about who was there and what was going on there.
Robin read about the George Clooney wedding and who was at that. Howard wondered if anyone went to both the Robin Williams funeral and the Clooney wedding. Robin and Howard spent a little time talking about that since Howard met Clooney's new wife on New Year's eve.
Robin read a story about the voting age and how they opened the vote to everyone 16 and up in Scotland when they had the big vote there. Howard said there was a movie he saw where 14 year olds were trying to get their right to vote in the United States. Howard said the slogan was 14 or Fight and it may have been called ''Wild in the Streets.'' Fred said that it's called Wild in the Streets. It was out in 1968. Howard and Fred spent a minute talking about who was in that movie and what it was about. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a book that Joe Perry is writing about Aerosmith. Howard said Joe is going to come in to talk about that. Howard said he likes those guys but it seems like they have a contentious relationship. Howard said Steven and Joe seem to be doing the same kind of thing that the Rolling Stones are doing.
Robin read a story about Jay Z and Beyonce and how they seem to be getting along just fine. Robin said there were rumors that they weren't getting along. Howard said he just doesn't get that music. He said he likes Jay Z but he doesn't get it.
Robin read a story about a guy who beheaded a woman and how he was a Muslim convert. Robin read some details about that. Robin said the family has gone online and apologized for the actions of the man. Robin had the audio of the family saying they were sorry and hoping that justice will prevail. That was the mother of the guy who beheaded the woman. She was saying that her son was a good man and it doesn't sound like something he'd do.
Robin read a story about how California colleges are changing the way they investigate sex crimes. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard talked about what it was like for him in college getting laid. He said that it wasn't joyful for the women. He said that he never could get enough of sex though. He said he remembers his first time and how the girl said that she was so sorry she did it because from then on she was going to be stuck in his head.
Robin read a story about how Chuck Schumer is trying to get synthetic marijuana banned. Robin had some audio of Schumer talking about how easy it is for kids to get a hold of it.
Robin read a story about the governor of New York being over in Afghanistan. Robin read the details about what he's doing over there.
Robin read a story about President Obama doing an interview with 60 Minutes. Robin had some audio from that interview.
Howard took a call from Jeff the drunk who said that he knows someone who went to Eric's funeral. He said he tried to get him a card but he wasn't able to get one. Howard said this is an exciting call. Jeff said the pastor mentioned Howard's name in the eulogy. Howard asked what he said. Jeff said he wasn't there so it was something about the comment Howard made over the radio. Howard said it's hard to believe he can't find a job with that personality of his. He said that he's the life of the party. Howard asked if this is a sad voice he's putting on. Jeff said no. Howard said he has to go. Jeff said he wants to get in a fucking plug. Howard said he knew it had to do with money. Jeff said he did a thing for CollegeCooking.com. Howard cut him off and said thank you and hung up.
Robin read a story about Afghanistan welcoming a new president. Robin said it hasn't gone smoothly though.
Robin read a story about how just walking can improve your health. Robin said it doesn't take much to help. Robin said they say that 10,000 steps is what you should be doing but they're saying that even 7,500 is helpful.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
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Jon asked Sal who the four presidents are on Mount Rushmore. Sal said Lincoln, Washington, Jackson and Jefferson. Gary said he thinks he has it right but he's not positive. Jon asked Sal if he's rethinking things now. Sal sounded like he had second thoughts.
Gary said he voted twice on the Wack Pack Poll. He said he voted for Hank. He said all three belong in the discussion. He said that this is on a personal level. Gary said it's hard to bond with Beetle and it was hard to bond with Eric. He said he and Hank were able to bond very well over rock and roll trivia.
Sal said he thinks Beetle is the one. Jon said he thinks Beetle is the one. He said that he has the longevity. He said that no matter what he does he always delivers. Gary said he thinks about the times Hank was on and there were a lot of things he did that were entertaining. He said he played Rock and Roll Jeopardy at one of the fights. He said that he remembers the first time he laid eyes on him. He said he had a club soda bottle filled with Vodka while wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Jon said he wants to talk to Sal about his spelling today. He asked if he looked up how to spell the word today. Sal said he didn't. He said that he spelled Mullato ''Malado.'' He said the Mullato sounds more racy. He said that Malado sounds more melody like. He said it's not a term you use every day. He said that it sounds better to him that way.
Jon asked JD about leaving the studio today when Howard was talking to him. He asked if he sees why it raises eyebrows when he goes to a movie with a porn star. JD said he does. He said he's sorry that everyone is pissed off at him. Sal said that he commends his girlfriend for putting up with that. He said JD is really going the distance. Jon said that Sal has a point. He said this is a lot for his girlfriend to handle. Gary said he has a different thought. Gary said at the beginning of a relationship a woman will put up with a lot. He said that the married wife and cool girlfriend are two different people. He said he thinks she just wants to be cool. JD said he doesn't think that's it. Gary said there is no way that would happen if he was married. JD said he will get there when he gets there. Gary said he's just giving him some of those stages.
Sal said that maybe JD shouldn't have gone to show his girlfriend what was right. JD said that they're being like the friends of the girls talking to her. Gary said that Sal has been there. He said fine doesn't always mean ''fine.'' Sal said she may love JD and she'll give him leeway in the beginning but that doesn't mean he should take advantage of it. He said if she says go ahead and do it he should say that he'd rather go with the girlfriend.
JD said that he would have asked his girlfriend to go but she wasn't in town. He said Jon Hein wasn't in town either. Gary asked if there were any people other than them who he'd take. JD said sure.
Jon asked Sal what changes with the wife when they've been together for a while. Sal said that it's half your money. He said once that contract is signed then things change. He said if he fucks around then she gets the pay. Sal said that it becomes a partnership between the woman and man. He said if JD does that thing when he's married he's going to get a different reply. JD said that's one of the reasons he doesn't want to get married. He said it's a contract. Sal said he tells his 15 year old son that he has to do things and he can't keep telling him to do things. He said he leaves it in his hands. He said that's the way he's looking at it with JD. He said something morally inside him says he has to do the right thing. Sal said he thinks that JD is abusing that and going to a movie with a porn star. He said that he has to be careful with the decisions he makes. Gary said he's wondering who gave him logical pills today. He said he's making sense.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to JD about letting his girlfriend go to a movie with Lexington Steele or Jared Fox. Gary said he was talking to someone about that and they were wondering why they'd introduce her to something like that. JD said that he doesn't know. He said he's comfortable with everything to know it's fine. He said if something does happen then oh well. Gary said he thinks that he's getting a lot past ''oh well.'' He said that JD loves her. JD said he'd like to stop talking about this every day of his life. Gary said he can't relax and just brush it off. He said some day she could just get up and walk away and then he'll be bummed. JD said everything is fine until it's not fine. Jon said ''well said'' and went to break a short time later. He
Jon said he loves that he blames it all on Dominic. Gary said the great moment is when he says that Beet said that Dominic was the one smoking on the plane. Gary said he thinks that Bobby has a pretty good hand on what's going on with him. Sal said he has been on the road with him and he makes things so much fun. He said they'll go in for Newport cigarettes and they'll be out of them so the woman will offer him Marlboro menthols and Beet will say he doesn't smoke menthols.
Gary asked how they keep beet in the room. Sal said you can lock the room with the chain and he can't reach it. He said that Beet will take a shower and steam up the room. He said he'll be shaving. He said he won't actually take a shower. Then he'll walk in and see that the razor doesn't have the clear cover taken off of it and Beet is ''shaved.''
Jon asked Sal what it's like on a plane with Beetlejuice. Sal said his breath is really bad. He said that it's like the smell of a seal's mouth. Sal said he thinks that Beet doesn't even know that he's on a plane when he is. Sal said that his eyes dart around like crazy and he has a strange move with his head.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was wondering who would make the Mount Rushmore thing. Gary said he thinks that Kenneth Keith, Crackhead Bob and Elephant Boy are in the running. The caller asked if Underdog Lady would make it. Gary said he's not sure. JD threw in high Pitch Eric too. The caller threw out a few other names. Gary said he thinks that Hank and Eric are slam dunks. Gary said it depends on how long you've been listening to the show. He said if you're an older listener you know Ken and Crackhead Bob. He said if you're newer then Eric might be the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said JD is a pimp. He said that everything he's saying is why women hate men. He said that he's being a man and just be himself. He said that he can't listen to Sal. The caller said that he's out talking to women now and the women are saying that they think their husbands are a wus. He said that they broke them down and they can't believe that their men let them do it. Jon asked if he's calling Sal a wus. The caller said that Sal is the kind of guy who wants to pee on people telling JD to be nice to his girlfriend. Sal said you can be nice peeing on a woman. Sal said that doesn't mean he can't give good advice. The caller said he can't.
Sal asked what happened with his wife. The caller said they grew apart. He said that he was like Sal minus the pee. He said he was trying to be understanding but they really want John Wayne or a Caveman. Sal said this guy makes perfect sense.
Sal said that he's just trying to let JD know what could happen if he takes advantage of those ''yes'' answers from his girlfriend. Sal said women are difficult to read. He said that they don't like a mush ball. Gary said it's ridiculous to say that all women are the same too. Sal said at the end of the day you want a woman to be someone you can live with the rest of your life. He said that's what he has and that's why he loves his wife.
Jon said it sounds like he's just looking to coexist. Sal said he isn't saying that. Gary said it sounds like he just wants to do his time. Sal said it's not that either. He said they're both shacked up and they're both going to war. Gary asked with what. Sal said there are just bullets coming at you when you walk in the house. Sal said he has been through it and he would like it to work out.
Jon asked if this makes JD want to get married. JD said nothing he's seen there makes him want to get married. Gary asked if he is one of those guys who knows he'll be married one day. JD said no.
Jon asked JD if he calls his girlfriend anything other than dear. JD said there could be other things. Jon asked Sal if he has any pet names. Sal said they did. He said that he called his wife Punkin. He said that he was poop squirt. Sal said now he's just shit head. Gary said that they might say honey to each other but that's about it. They went to break a short time after that.
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Jon said with Scott it sounded like he was Bonnie to someone else's Clyde. Sal said that Scott made it sound like they did it a lot. He said that they constantly did it and Scott joined the guy. Jon asked Sal if he ever did that stuff. Sal said he never did. JD said he never did either. Jon Leiberman said he never did either.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if JD and his girlfriend say they love each other when they get off the phone. JD said sure they do. The caller said he loves them so JD said he loves him too.
Jon asked Sal how his ''love you'' goes with his wife. Sal said he hopes that she says the same back to him. He said there are many types of ''love you's'' and the tone matters. Sal said you can become desensitized to those things. He said that saying it from time to time has a greater impact.
Sal said that there is the right time for that stuff. He said you have to give your wife her space if she's pissed. Sal said that you have to let her work at her own pace. Sal said that you have to take that all in and figure it all out. Sal said if his wife gets mad he will let her cool off and then work it out.
Jon said they have a poll update. He said that Hank has 30 percent, Eric has 34 and Beet has 36.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wants to know that JD is telling this girl he loves her but he has no intention of marrying her. JD said you can love someone without marrying them. The woman asked what she expects to have with her. JD said he wants to have a happy life for a while. He said that's the goal. The woman said that's not an answer. JD said that everyone has different goals. The woman said that she's going to expect something from JD in the end. She said that Beth has animals and no kids and this girl is going to want something. JD said that she doesn't know her though. Sal asked if she is married. Jon said they lost her.
Sal said he's going to give women the best advice in the world. He said if you want your man to marry you, don't talk about marriage. He said don't ever bring it up and that's all you have to do. He said eventually the guy will come around and ask you to marry him. He said that if you don't bother him about it he'll ask the woman to marry them. Gary said it was like Sal was reading from the bible with that. Sal said you just don't ask to get married and you'll get married.
Jon had Jon Leiberman get to his Howard 100 News preview. Leiberman ran down a few headlines he had for today's news. He also got in a plug for today's Leiberman Live which is on at 4:45 this afternoon.
Jon wrapped up and ended the show. He had the guys get in their plugs and then ended it around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how exhausted he is today. He said it's not going to be fun. He said he went out to dinner with his daughter last night and then came home and did some work. He wasn't able to fall asleep. He said he remembers seeing it was about 11 when he last looked at the clock. Then he had to get up at 4. Howard said he tried talking to the company about it and they don't want to listen. Howard said they'll have to see what happens. He said he's tried of doing the show at this time of morning. He said that the end of his contract will come up very soon. He said he might have to say ''Bye!''
Howard said no one gets up at this hour. He said they're replaying the show all day long and he doesn't need to get up at this hour. He said that if you make him as happy as possible it would be very hard to say goodbye. Howard said he called up AGT and said he didn't want to do interview after interview and they told him he could stop. He said that made him happy. Howard said that management thinks people are trying to hoodwink them somehow. He said that's not what he's doing.
Howard said he was out to dinner on Saturday night and he had a great conversation with this gentleman. He said he's someone he respects. Howard said they were talking about business and at the end of the night the guy was leaving and he got up and toasted the person they were out with. Then he thanked Howard Stern and said that he was going to make some changes for his employees. Howard said that talent isn't always adversariel. Robin said talent needs an outlet. She said all they want is respect and compensation if they're bringing in the bacon. Robin said most people are really grateful if they hand them a microphone.
Howard said he'd call someone there but they're all asleep. He said he's not at the top of his game this morning so he's letting everyone know that ahead of time.
Howard said Mario Lopez is coming in today. Robin said he gave them a big shout out on his show yesterday. Howard said Smokey Robinson is coming in too. Howard said he has to talk to him about some of his hit songs. He said that Smokey wrote a lot of songs for a lot of people. He played some examples of his work and said these are the things he has to ask him about.
Robin said he was in the Temptations and he did a lot for them. Howard played some of their music too. He said he wasn't going to play it all now. He said he'll get to that later on in the show. Howard said he loves Motown music.
Howard said these guys who run these channels must be afraid to talk to rappers. He said they bleep things way too long. Howard played a clip where Jay Z was performing and a long silence comes in. That was MSNBC bleeping something out. Robin said she was watching some of the BET awards and they did that when Lil Wayne came out and did a song. Robin said whatever he was saying was being said so often that it was bleep after bleep. Robin said she wondered why bother having the performance if they can't air it.
Howard played more of the Jay Z bleep thing and it was like 15 seconds of silence. Then in one clip they come back from the silence to the N-word and ''mother fucker''. Howard said it's so great. He said they can't walk over and say they're putting this on TV. Robin said if they want radio air play they figure it out.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said if Howard is sick or tired he should take a sick day. Howard said he doesn't operate like that. He said if someone hires him to do a job he does it. He said he doesn't call in sick. Howard said he has guests coming in today. King said they're lucky to have him. Howard said that's how you're supposed to behave. Howard said he knows King has the mentality of a civil servant. Howard said he isn't like that himself. King said they got that out of the way.
Robin said she kept working even with everything she had going on. King said she's like a white person. Howard said that he doesn't take paternity leave or anything like that. Howard said he thinks Shuli is hiding over that. Howard said he'd be there this morning but his water broke.
Shuli came in and Howard said he knows him and he thinks he's going to go insane. Shuli said he already is insane. He said he took one or two days off with his first daughter. He said after the kid was born his wife went through a bad postpartum depression and it almost ruined everything for them. King said that's because Shuli is the father. Shuli said at least he knows he's a dad unlike King. He said he's sure King has some children he doesn't know about running around.
Shuli said the company came to him and told him he could take paternity leave. Howard played a clip of Rachel Butera doing her Underdog Lady voice and asking why he's taking that leave. Howard had some audio of some people on the street commenting on the paternity leave too. Guys were goofing on him for doing that and laughing at him.
Howard said it's not like he has a 9 to 5 job that he hates. He said he has comedy, the news and all of this other stuff. He said it seems peculiar to him. Robin said in that month is there enough bonding to last a lifetime. Shuli said the kid won't remember it at all. Howard said off the record he'd ask Shuli what the fuck is wrong with him. Shuli said the hormones he's dealing with are ridiculous. He said his wife is just mean right now. He said she's usually hysterical.
Howard asked why he didn't stop with the one kid. Shuli said it wasn't a well thought out plan. He said they're rolling with the punches. Howard played more of the street interviews where people were telling this guy that it's a joke to take paternity leave.
Shuli said his dad was giving him a hard time about it too. Howard played more clips and most of the guys were against it. One guy was on Shuli's side.
Shuli said that his last day is October 9th and he'll take a month off after that. Robin said he's making it sound like he's being forced to take it. Shuli said he made it 9 years there before taking a month off.
King asked if Shuli ever had hair. Shuli said he did. Shuli said he's sure King worked the whole time his wife was pregnant. Shuli asked if he at least went home and hit his wife at lunch. King told him to come on. Shuli said he's goofing on his hair and he's goofing on things he knows about King. Howard let King go when he started to ramble a bit.
Howard asked if Will took any paternity leave. Gary said he was offered it but he didn't take it. Will said he had a baby a year ago and he was offered it and he said he wasn't that much of a woman so he came to work. Shuli said his kids don't know who he is. Will said they do know who he is. Will said having two kids is a big change too. He said it's brutal. Howard said it's non stop. Will said it's like a second job. He said his kid is terrified of taking a dump. He said it's a common thing apparently. He said he holds it in for 4 or 5 days. He said it's awful. Will said they have to give him stool softeners. He said he was running around naked the other day and he started to show a turtle head. He said he was afraid that he was going to get it on the furniture.
Shuli said that his daughter's diaper came off and she started painting with the shit. He said it was like a shit grenade went off. Shuli said he was ready to vomit cleaning up the shit.
Howard said he wouldn't have wanted to stay at home. He said work was easier. Shuli said they have help coming for a few days but then it's going to be just the two of them taking care of the two kids. Howard said Shuli wants to make sure there is no postpartum or anything. Shuli said she was so depressed and not ding anything and it was a bummer. He said it fucked everything up. Robin asked if it was just a month. Shuli said it was longer but this is what he gets. Shuli said shit happens so what can you do? They spent a minute on that and then Howard said they had to take a break.
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Howard said Johnny Fratto called in and said that they put Eric the Actor's ashes in a chair. Howard said that they found that odd because he was stuck in a chair his whole life. Howard said someone asked if they would change his name to Eric the Chair Actor. Howard said that probably won't happen. Howard said Gary changed his will so he'll be buried in a dentist chair. Howard said someone thinks that they should put Eric's chair at the Bunny Ranch so Air Force Amy can sit on him one last time.
Howard said that Jennifer Lawrence has 55 more nude pictures leaked on the internet. Howard said someone asked who has that many nudes on their phone. Howard said he doesn't think he has 55 pictures on his cell. Robin said this is the third time they've been leaked.
Howard said there are pictures of George Clooney and his new wife Amal in the paper and George doesn't have a hair out of place. He said when he takes a picture he has to arrange it so he looks human. Howard said he's officially jealous of that. Howard said Clooney looks like he's happy with his new wife. Howard said the wife is like royalty now.
Howard said he read that ISIS is training women suicide bombers. Howard said that at least they're equal opportunity. Howard said he was filled with pride knowing that. He said of course they're blowing themselves up though. Howard said it has to be hard to find people to blow themselves up. Robin said the women are miserable already so it must not be that hard.
Howard said he has some things to play. He said he has some new messages from Richard's dad. He played one where Richard's dad talked about the food they're eating this fall. He had some stories about apple pie and things like that.
Howard said Richard's dad calls and most of it is about food. He said that his dad eats off the land. Howard said this is a guy who can take a racoon and make sloppy Joe's out of it. Howard said what you eat must be exciting if that's what you do.
Howard played another message where Richard's dad talked about a chicken in the chicken house who got up to eat one day and it had no feathers on it. She went back in and sat on the nest and he found a possum trying to get to her eggs and it chewed all of her feathers off trying to get to those eggs. Howard said that's life on the farm. He said that's what you talk about. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said Robin doesn't want to know where her food comes from. Robin said she actually does.
Howard said Nicole Bass called them and told them about her new boyfriend. Howard said this stuff is fascinating. Howard played a clip of Nicole talking about the boyfriend and how that's going for her. Nicole said things are going fast for her. She said she's almost 50 and she's wondering if she should go out with him or not. She said things are very fast paced.
Howard said he tries to keep up with the Wack Pack. He said he has to talk about what's worth reporting. Howard said he has to give an update about the Eric the Actor tribute show. That's available on demand from SiriusXM. Howard said he has some audio of High Pitch Eric talking about Eric the Actor. Howard played that and Eric said he's happy he got to know Eric the Actor.
Howard said Bigfoot had a nice tribute to Eric too. He played a clip of Bigfoot talking about him for a couple of seconds. Howard said he thinks High Pitch is the next one to go. Howard said he's blacking out and he's relatively young. He said that he won't stop eating. He said he eats like an elephant. He said his body is going to give out at some point. Howard said that he will give out eventually.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if his mom has said he's doing too much. Howard said his mom loves America's Got Talent. Howard said she started watching when he got on. He said he loves that they watch it but his mother gets invested in the show and calls him about it. Howard went right into his mom's voice and told Robin and Mark what she says to him. Howard said that he's 60 years old and he's still being talked to by his mommy. He said that she's giving him a hard time about some of the things on the show. Howard said that she complains about Heidi and Mel B going crazy over guys who take their shirts off.
Howard said he was bummed out that he was working so hard during the summer. He said he made the mistake of telling his mom that. Howard said he has a hard time figuring out what he wants to do. He said he yelled at his psychiatrist asking why he can't fix him already. Howard said what goes through his mind is that he doesn't want to do AGT anymore and he needs more free time. He said he calls his wife and tells her he needs her help. He said he has to ask her what he should do. Howard said Beth asks him why he doesn't quit so they can have a great time together. Howard said he saw his American Express bill and he had to ask himself what the fuck he's doing. Howard said it's not about the money. He said it's that he enjoys the show and he doesn't know if he'll miss it or not.
Robin said she thinks that Howard's participation has done a lot for that show. She said that he has to decide if that's important to him. Howard said no. Howard said she wrote him a really beautiful note about the show. He said she told him how the show used to be with David Hasselhoff and Piers Morgan. Howard said she said that it used to be treated like a joke and it's not like that anymore. Howard said she made him want to do it again. Howard said two minutes later he didn't want to do it. He said he should know what he wants to do but he doesn't. Howard said he doesn't know what's important to him.
Mark asked if he ha stress in his life. Howard said of course he does. Mark said then he shouldn't do it because if it takes one year off his life then he should stop it.
Howard said his mother loves Nick Cannon too. Howard did his mother's voice again and talked about how great Nick is on the show. Howard said this is what his mother is talking about all the time.
Mark asked if Howard's mom still loves Queen Latifah. Howard said she does. Howard talked about her as his mother. Howard was going on and on about Queen Latifah. Howard said that he told the executives about her idea to have her as a judge and she loved that. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard said he did ask his mom if he should do the show. Howard said she asked what he's doing to himself. Howard said she says it's enough of the work already. Howard said she says he's terrific on the show but he should do less. Howard said she's telling him to do less. Howard said even his father told him to stop. Howard said his dad quit working at 59 years old. Howard said he shouldn't be working so hard. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Mario Lopez is there. Howard said he likes looking at him because he's so good looking. Robin asked if he likes looking at a man. Howard said with Mario yes.
Howard said Mario talks about boxing in his new book. Mario said he has a torn rotator cuff from that. Howard said that if he had his face he would not box. Howard said he'd do sports but not box. Mario said he doesn't feel the same not boxing. He said he's been going mad not being able to punch anything in a long time. Howard said Mario is a good looking dude and maybe he took it up to show he's not a pussy. Howard said guys probably look at him wanting to challenge him. Mario said he took up dancing and he had to learn to protect himself from people who made fun of him over that.
Howard said he's been in bar fights. Mario said he has. He said there are guys who want to be a punk and come after you. Robin asked if you have to wait for them to come at him first. Mario said if you don't want to get sued you do. Mario said he did get sued in Florida. He said he came in during bike week and he got pushed. He said that he gave the guy a drink thinking he was helping out but the guy said fuck you and then it turned into a whole thing and he got sued.
Howard said Mario took on an MMA guy in a boxing match and he beat him. Mario said he did. He was 15 pounds heavier too. Robin said getting into a fight and suing a guy isn't very manly. That other guy wasn't very manly in that case.
Howard said Mario reveals a lot of stuff in his new book ''Just Between Us''. Howard said he let it all hang out. Howard said he talks about the women he fucked. Howard said he's a guy on TV and he wonders if he said to himself that he shouldn't put it out. Mario said he was discouraged to put it out. Mario said he turned 40 and he figured it was time to write down what his life was about. He said it was very therapeutic. He said you forget stuff over the years until you write it down. He said you have to put it all out there.
Howard said Mario has matured. He said he was a disaster at marriage. He had one that lasted about 2 weeks. Now he's more stable. Howard said that he is married and faithful. Howard asked what the secret is. Howard said the thing is that he has had some Epiphany. Mario said he's been married about 5 years now. He said that people don't really change. He said you grow up and things get redundant. He said it's about the timing in your life and the other person's timing. He said he was so blessed to meet his wife when he did. He said he was looking for a companion. He said that they met there in New York when they were doing ''A Chorus Line.'' He said he ended up using Skype to stay in touch with her.
Howard said there is no ''right one'' like people think. Mario said there really isn't. He said it's all about the timing and if the other person is ready. Howard said a woman has to catch a man at the right time. Mario said it works the other way around too.
Howard said he thought that he cheated on his honeymoon. Mario said he owns up to that and it was wrong. He said he was given an ultimatum. He said that they had gone out for 6 years and he felt trapped. He said the woman was a Miss USA. Her name was Ali Landry. Mario said he gets the motive behind it but he felt trapped. Howard said you should hang and enjoy it and if the man is ready then he'll ask you. Robin said they were together for 5 or 6 years. Howard said that she could have left if she didn't want to be there.
Howard said Mario knew that it was wrong at the wedding. Mario said he looked at his parents and they weren't emotional like they were with his sister. Howard asked if they said anything to him. Mario said his mother did say to him at the wedding ''I hope you know what you're doing.'' Howard said that must sour the relationship too. Howard asked if the mom said anything else. Mario said she could tell. He said he was confused with not being ready and cold feet. Howard said that he must have thought that was normal. Mario said that's why it took 10 years to get to that place.
Howard asked if anyone said anything to him. Mario said there were people saying that he didn't know what he was doing. Howard said Mario was on the altar and he went off on the honeymoon. Mario said that it was actually at the bachelor party that he did some things. He said it wasn't on the honeymoon. Howard said he remembers it was Corbin Bernsen who cheated on his honeymoon. Howard said that Mario's wife saw pictures of him at the honeymoon. Mario said they were supposed to go on a fishing trip and they went to these fun spring break spots instead.
Howard asked if he runs into Ali now. Mario said he hasn't seen her. Howard said they could have been miserable if they stayed together after all of that.
Howard said that Mario was on Saved by the Bell. He said he didn't grow up rich. Mario said his parents came here from Mexico. He said they didn't have a lot of money. Howard said that they thought Mario was going to die when he was a young boy. His dad snuck him out of a hospital and a witch doctor cured him. Howard said that's crazy. Mario said it was a lady who helped him and helped his dad when he was younger. Mario said he had something wrong with him where he wasn't able to hydrate himself. He said that he would just throw up. He said this witch doctor cured him though.
Mario told Howard that his dad used to smuggle in people from Mexico and that's how he was making money. He said he remembers seeing his dad pop open the trunk one day and a whole family got out.
Howard said Mario's dad told him that he wasn't going to change his name for show business. Mario said he was on a couple of shows that he just kind of fell into as a kid. He said he read well as a kid and his mom thought it was fine. Howard asked if he supported the family. Mario said his dad retired from doing the things he was doing. He said he got a real job and worked hard. He said they were fine in that sense. He said that the money he made they just put away. He said his parents never asked him for anything. He said they saved the money for him. Howard said they could have pissed it away like Gary Coleman's family did.
Howard said that Mario started out at $1,500 a week and then ended up at $3,500 a week. Mario said they were on Saturday mornings so it wasn't big money. He said he had to pay for an apartment and all of that too. Howard asked if he could have retired. Mario said no but he did have money for college and all of that. Howard asked what they did with the money. Mario said they put it in real estate. He said it was very smart.
Howard said Mario talks about how he had sex the day before he turned 13. Mario said you grow up quick in the hood. Howard said he's not blessed with his face. Howard said he doesn't think that anyone even looked at him at that age. Mario said the girl was 15. He said that they were partying at that age because it was easy to get drinks.
Howard said Mario says he put it in the wrong place. Mario said he was so stupid. He said he didn't know what he was doing but he eventually figured it out. Howard asked if he put it in her ass. Mario said he remembers trying to put it below her naval or something. Mario said when he finally got it then it was like Eureka! He said he can't even think about that now that he has kids of his own.
Howard said he remembers reading a book about how to feel a girl up. He said he was shaking just thinking about doing it. Mario said they didn't have Google back then so it was all old school.
Howard said Mario says he got along with everyone on the set of Saved by the Bell. He even got along with Dustin Diamond. He said that he was kind of bummed about the book Dustin put out.
Howard said Dustin said that Mario had surgery to remove his man boobs. Howard said Dusitn has said since then that there were a lot of lies in there. Mario said that story is not true. He didn't have surgery for that. Howard said that Mario talks about having sex with Tiffani Thiessen. Howard asked if he had sex with all of the girls on the show. Mario said he did not. He said he talked about the relationship he had with Tiffani. He said he didn't say he fucked her. Howard asked if the execs at the show told him not to do that. Mario said he thinks they were being pretty slick about it. He said they weren't making out on the set or anything.
Robin asked if anyone was suggesting that they don't do that. Mario said if they had a talk with him it may have scared him. He said they never had that talk. Howard asked if the break up was messy. Mario said it wasn't because they were just kids. He said they were friends before and after. He said they're still friends.
Howard asked Mario if he could come up with a number of women he's put his penis in. Mario said he doesn't look at women like a notch on the bed post. Howard said that he wouldn't have a bed post because it would be whittled away.
Howard said Mario played Greg Lugainis in a TV movie and he kissed a guy and that ended up getting cut out of the movie. Mario said he had to rehears that scene with the guy too. He said that he did that in his hotel room too. Howard asked if the co-star was gay. Mario said he wasn't gay at all. Howard asked about how that went. Mario said he sat his old man down and told him what he was going to be doing. He said he was alright with it. Howard asked what he said to himself about kissing a dude. Howard said he thinks he would vomit if he did that. Mario said it was in the script so it wasn't like he was looking for it.
Howard said Mario walks in and it's time to rehearse. Howard asked what the other guy was wearing. Mario said he can't remember. He said it was just the two of them. Mario said the guy was older and he said they had to rehearse it so it wouldn't look cold. Mario said he just said alright. He said that he remembers him asking him to come to his room. Mario said he's never talked about this before. Mario said at one point he's sitting down and the guy brings him in for the kiss. He said that it wasn't hot and heavy. Mario said it was gentle and soft. He said the guy leans in and plants one on him. Howard asked if he gave him tongue. Mario said he got the kiss and he said ''Alright, we got it, we're done.'' He said they actually did it a couple of times. He said that the mouth started to open and he was like ''Good, we're done.'' Howard said that's a heavy thing.
Howard said Mario's new book is called ''Just Between Us''. Howard asked what the names were he was thinking about changing to. Mario said he thought about making it Mark and something very Anglo for his last name. He said it might have been Lopes or something like that.
Howard said Mario was on Dancing with the Stars and he did well on there. He said he got his own show to host. He said he was on Extra. Howard said that was a real game changer for him. Mario said it was. He said he had been asked to do it before a couple of times. He said he danced as a kid a little bit too. He said it's nothing like ballroom dancing though. Howard asked if he was embarrassed to do that show. Mario said it was at its peak at the time. He said he was more concerned with the clothes he had to wear. Mario said his mom loved it and encouraged him to do it. He said it really worked out for him.
Howard said Mario was dancing with Karina Smirnoff and he ended up banging her. Mario said that it was a couple of months into it before they did anything. He said he didn't want to be distracted. Howard asked if she was flirting with him. Mario said that they were with each other for hours every day. He said they developed a rapport. He said it was a couple of months in and then it happened. Howard asked how bad it was when they broke up. Mario said it was cool. He said he gets along with most or all of his ex's. He said he's had the attitude that you can be friends. He said you have to mourn a bit but then it's fine. Howard asked who did the dumping. Mario said that it was more of a long distance thing and it became difficult.
Howard asked Mario what the move is in order to create that friendship. Mario said you can't end things in an ugly way. Howard said he wants to know how to do that. Mario said it ends up being complaining about things and then things just don't work out. Mario said it would be really tough to date now with the texting and the Twitter and all of that.
Howard said Mario was on The X Factor with Khloe Kardashian. Howard asked if he went to Simon and asked him what they were doing there. Mario said he got what they were doing. He said the whole family is popular in this country. He said she's very sweet. Howard said her lack of experience must have irritated him. Mario said she knew she was green and she needed help. Howard said Mario was going to get pinned if it didn't work out. He said that he must have wondered ''What the fuck?'' Mario said he just put his head down and did the best he could. He said he showed up on time and did his job. Howard asked if he was happy when they got rid of her. Mario said he got along with her just fine. Howard asked if the money was good. Mario said it was. Howard said that it must have been a bummer when they canceled the show. Mario said it always is but he's had that happen before.
Howard asked Mario if he ever made changes to the show. Mario said he had suggestions that the producers and Simon listened to. Howard asked what was worse, working with Khloe or kissing a dude. Mario said he never had a problem with Khloe.
Howard said he heard that Mario didn't get along with Maria Menounos. Mario said he had no problem with her. He said he had no beef with her. He said he got along with her just fine. He said she was cool with his kids. Howard asked if he banged her. Mario said he did not. He said he got along with Maria and her boyfriend. He said that things were fine. Howard said he read that things weren't fine with them in the tabloids. Mario said they were fine. Robin said Maria said the same thing about Mario. Howard said he thinks they're both lying and there was something there. Howard said he thinks that Mario had the power to push her out of that show. Howard asked when he last spoke to Maria. Mario said she texted him not that long ago. He said she was talking about going to see the Halloween horror nights. Howard said maybe he was wrong then.
Howard asked what he's doing later because he wants to come make out with him. Howard gave him some plugs and said that he won an Emmy. Mario said that things are pretty much the same from day to day even after winning an Emmy. Howard asked if he has it displayed. Mario said his wife put it with some pictures or something. Howard said he'd have it lit up and glowing in his apartment.
Howard said Mario's book is great but he doesn't reveal his penis size. He said that he does talk about being uncircumcised. He said there is no reason for being circumcised. Howard said you do have to keep it clean so no cheese forms in there. Mario said he's never had a problem with that. Howard asked if girls are shocked. Mario said that his wife had never seen one like that before him. Howard said that they say there are so many nerve endings and they say that what uncircumcised guys have is so much better than circumcised. Mario said it's a gruesome procedure. He said it's so awful. Howard said there are guys who try to grow it back. Howard said that women see that and they are shocked. Mario said they do trip out a little bit. Mario said he's usually erect when they see it so it's not a big deal. He said it's after that when they get tripped out.
Howard asked if he has ever measured. Mario said he never has. Howard said he uses a wooden ruler. He said he does it while he's erect. Howard said he tried to measure from his balls but they caught him. Mario asked who ''they'' were. Howard said that's in his book and today is Mario's day so he won't talk about that.
Robin asked Mario about the Saved by the Bell TV movie. Mario said he heard about that. He said he thinks it's based on Dustin Diamond's book. Howard asked if he still gets residuals from that. Mario said he does and they're less than the cost of the postage. Howard asked if he cashes them. Mario said he does but they add up to like 6 bucks. Howard said he's had the same thing and he still cashes them too. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Smokey Robinson is there. Howard said Smokey is a legend. Howard said he's in the song writing hall of fame as well as the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Howard said he's a living legend. Smokey said he must like himself too then. Howard said he just writes fart jokes.
Howard said people say the song writing hall of fame is more important than the rock and roll hall of fame. Smokey said he never thought about it but there are probably less people in the writing. Howard asked who inducted him into the rock and roll hall of fame. Smokey said it was Hall and Oates. Howard said that makes sense.
Howard said that Smokey is there promoting his new album ''Smokey & Friends'' and also the ''Motown 25: Yesterday Today Forever'' DVD
Howard asked about losing his mom at a young age. She had an aneurysm. Smokey said they used to have like 30 kids at their house and they were of all different ages. Smokey said his sister was 25 when she took over for his mom and she was like a mom to him.
Howard said Smokey got his nickname from his uncle. He said that the nickname isn't a nice thing. It's a derogatory name for black people. Smokey said people eventually started using that name and stopped calling him Smokey Joe.
Howard asked when they noticed that he was a musical prodigy. Howard asked if he performed in church. Smokey said that he didn't. He said that he had Aretha Franklin around the corner from him and Diana Ross just a short distance away. Howard said that's crazy. He said that's some coincidence. Howard jokingly said he lived next to Charles Manson.
Howard said back then the music business was thriving and taking off. Howard said he must have shown some sort of musical ability. Smokey said they had an upright piano in the house and his mom played. He said from the age of 3 or 4 he'd bang on that piano. He said his sister would yell at him for doing it. He said his mom would tell them to leave him alone. He said he was fascinated by music. Howard asked if he knows how to play. Smokey said he plays at it but doesn't really play it.
Smokey said he can write songs playing it on piano. He said sometimes he writes it on the plane or on the bus. Howard asked when he started singing. Smokey said his mom and sisters said he could sing before he could talk. He said his mom was the only one encouraging him to do it. He said everyone else told him to shut up.
Howard asked if he was going to do something else before he got into the singing. Smokey said he had a job from the age of 10 on. He said in high school he was delivering telegrams on a bicycle. He said after he graduated that became a full time job. Smokey said that he went into electrical engineering thinking that singing would never pay the bills.
Howard asked him when he decided to drop the engineering and take up singing. Smokey told Howard a story about meeting Berry Gordy and how they started recording songs together. Howard said Smokey was the one writing most of the songs for Motown records and why wasn't he a partner in that. Smokey said he was actually. Howard said he's glad to hear that. Smokey said that Berry was writing and producing records too. He said that they were partners at the time.
Howard said it is mind blowing to him that he wrote so many songs that were hits. Howard said he was generous with them too. He said he'd give them to other bands. Smokey said what he suggested was to go national. He said that's when they went national and there was no black man that owned a record company. Smokey said they bombarded them with hits so they wanted their music. He said they got better and better deals.
Howard asked if Smokey thinks he saw all of the money that he should have. Smokey said he saw all of the money that Motown got on his behalf. He said he's not sure they got the money they were supposed to get from the music business. Howard asked if he's a billionaire. Smokey laughed and said no way. Howard said he should be bitter about that. Howard said he should be a billionaire. Smokey said he lives a wonderful life so he's not going to compare himself to something that he knows is in place that has always been in place. He said that it always will be in place. He said he didn't make as much money as The Beatles and that's because they're white. He said that he's living a great life and he's fine with that.
Smokey said that Howard asked why he gave away songs like My Girl. He said that song is universal. He said that people around the world know that song. Smokey said he's not sorry that he didn't keep it. He said without The Temptations he wouldn't have written that song. He said he wrote it with them in mind. Howard played some of ''My Girl'' and listened to it for a few seconds. Howard said he knows he wrote it for his wife at the time. Smokey said he actually didn't. He said he just writes and it's whatever inspires him. Howard asked if he heard that bass line in his head when he wrote that song. Smokey said he did. He said that the guitar riff has become one of the most famous in music history. He said that the lead guitarist came up with that. Smokey said they were just messing around when they came up with that.
Howard said today it's like an instantaneous process to get a song out. Smokey said that it's more political today. He said radio is more closed than it was. Howard said there were white stations that wouldn't play their stuff. Smokey said once they got bombarded with hits they were asking for them before anyone else got them.
Howard asked Smokey about the songs he wrote with Berry Gordy. Smokey said that they would write songs and they would vote on the records that they would create. He said they would try to make them better by critiquing them. Smokey said that they would start at 9 in the morning and if you showed up at 9:01 then you were locked out.
Howard asked how he wrote the song ''The Way You Do The Things You Do.'' Howard had a story but Smokey said he was wrong. He was telling Howard he was wrong about a lot of the things he was asking about. Smokey told Howard about the way he wrote ''The Way You Do The Things You Do.'' Howard played some of the song. Smokey said they had to work for it to get to write other albums. He said if you wrote a good one that didn't mean it was an automatic thing. Smokey said that he never expected ''My Girl'' to become what it has become. He said that it's a very hard business. Howard said you have to stay current. Smokey said it's very fickle.
Howard said he's going to play some songs. He played ''Shop Around'' and he said that was about his mother telling him to shop around for a girl before he marries. Smokey said that's it. Howard said he wrote that one in 20 minutes. Howard asked if he's religious. Smokey said he's spiritual but not religious. Howard asked if it's hard to come up with lyrics. Smokey said there is no pattern. He said that one thing can come before the next.
Howard played some of ''You Really Got A Hold On Me.'' Howard asked if that was about his wife. Smokey said that it was not. Howard was wrong again. Howard asked what he was saying in the song. Smokey explained it to Howard. He said that he was saying that he didn't really like this person but he did love them. Howard said that you can't control yourself and you're attracted to the wrong person.
Howard asked Smokey if the pussy was crazy back then. Smokey said it can't be better than what Howard gets from AGT. Howard said that it had to be wild back then. Howard said he just wants to know what it was like for him.
Howard said there are so many songs to bring up. He played some of ''Mickey's Monkey.'' Howard said that it was a huge hit. Smokey said it really was. Smokey said he didn't write that one but he performed it. Howard said that Motown was like a factory. Robin said it was.
Howard played some of ''Ooo Baby, Baby'' and asked about Smokey's wife getting a lot of money from his songs. Smokey said she got half of his songs. Howard said that it seems so unfair to have to give up something like that to someone else. Robin said giving up the songs seems kind of crazy. Smokey said she has to get her share of money somehow. Howard asked if he's fighting to get back ownership of his songs. Smokey said he is and he should know in the next month or so. Howard said he understands that pain. Smokey said he was going to take care of his wife either way so it hurts that she has some of his songs.
Howard asked about why ''Ooo Baby, Baby'' was an accident. Smokey said that they were singing a song and they just broke into this thing that wasn't a song yet. He said they were just riffing when he came up with it. He said they were so in tune that the band just started singing with him.
Howard played more of Smokey's songs and asked how he came up with them. Smokey told Howard how he came up with ''Tracks of My Tears'' when he was shaving in the mirror.
Smokey told Howard that he's proud of him on America's Got Talent. He said he's great on the show. Howard thanked him and quickly played another song that Smokey wrote. He said it was a song that Stevie wonder was working on and he had to come up with the lyrics. That turned out to be ''Tears of a Clown''. Howard asked if it's crazy when Stevie comes to him and he can't come up with lyrics. Smokey said that they've written a few songs together. He said they all helped each other out there.
Howard asked Smokey about where he went to present the song to Stevie. Smokey said he just told him to come to the studio to hear it. He said that he finished the track and played it for him.
Howard played ''I Second That Emotion'' and said that sounds good. He asked Smokey about how he came up with that. He heard that someone was trying to say ''I second that emotion'' instead of saying ''I second that motion'' like you would do in court. Smokey said after that they were walking out of the store and he said it would make a great lyric.
Howard asked how Smokey felt when he got the Kennedy Center Honor. Smokey said it was great. Howard said it was him, Dolly Parton, Steven Spielberg and Andrew Webber. Smokey said that it was President Bush who gave him the award. Howard asked where he keeps it. Smokey said he keeps it in a room. He said he has some homes out in California and in Las Vegas.
Smokey said he had a studio at home but he got rid of it because he found himself spending too much time in there. He said his wife is an interior designer so she takes care of all of that.
Howard asked if he enjoys music today. Smokey said there is some good stuff out there. He said he likes John Legend. He said he likes Mary J. Blige and people like that. He said he likes Justin Timberlake as well. Robin asked what he thought of the Blurred Lines thing and the Marvin Gaye family suing. Smokey said that part of the melody is in there and when you hear the song it is ''You Got To Give it Up.'' He said when he heard it he thought it was rip off.
Howard asked Smokey why he turned to drugs. Smokey said that he goes all over the country speaking at rehabs and places like that. He said that they almost ruined his life. Smokey said that the myth is that this mysterious figure tells a kid to try it. He said that 98 percent of people who start doing it start doing it with their friends and the people that you trust and love. He said the people who don't do drugs think that they don't care about you but that's just not the case. He said you're having fun but then you turn around and the fun has killed you and wiped you out.
Smokey said he used to love weed. He said he would smoke it and it became overwhelming and overbearing. Howard asked if he thought that was the thing that made him great. Smokey said he didn't start until he was 40 years old. He said that his life was already going fine. He said that drugs don't care where you are or what you're doing. Howard asked why he waited until he was 40. Smokey said he wasn't interested at the time. Howard said he thinks we should legalize drugs. Smokey said he agrees on some of that. He said it would cut back on a lot of crime. He said he never understood why alcohol was legal and weed wasn't. He said he hasn't smoked weed since 1986.
Howard asked if he did the drugs because of the stress in his life. Smokey said that could have been it because he had pressure on him and his dad had died and all of that.
Howard said it's great that he can write his own songs. He said that the people who can write but not sing their own songs must go crazy. Smokey said that you have to be able to sing a song to write. Howard said if you can write your own song then you've really got it.
Howard said Steven Tyler is on this new album. Howard played some of the song Smokey did with Steven Tyler. Howard said he's going to get this album. He said he loves Smokey's music. Smokey said he's a fan of Howard's too. Howard thanked him for that.
Smokey said that he and Howard met in an airport once. He said he remembers telling Howard how much he loves him. Howard played a song Elton John did with Smokey on the new album ''Smokey & Friends''. He played the song Cee Lo did with Smokey too. He had a song that Sheryl Crow did too. Howard asked why he didn't ask him to do anything. Smokey said Randy Jackson took care of all of that.
Howard asked why he wasn't just Smokey Robinson and not with the Miracles. Smokey said that if you had a feature name then you got more money. He said that's why they did that. He said he never saw any money from that band either. He said he saw money from the writing credits but not the band royalties.
Howard said that Smokey is also promoting the ''Motown 25: Yesterday Today Forever''. Howard asked about that and Smokey told Howard about how that was done and how he and some other people narrated it. Smokey said that it's a sad thing seeing all of these Motown people passing on.
Howard asked Smokey if he ever banged Diana Ross. Smokey just laughed. He said he never did that. Smokey asked if Howard ever did that. Howard said she wouldn't even look at him.
Howard said that Smokey has lived a life that they could never live. Smokey said that he thinks about how he's been in show business all of these decades and he's on a radio show that's one of the most popular in the world. He said that he can't beat that. He said today is probably the best day in his career. Robin asked if he thought these songs would still want to be heard at this time in his life. Smokey said he was hoping so. He said when he writes a song he hopes he's writing a song. Howard thanked Smokey for coming in and said he doesn't like him but he loves him. He said he doesn't even know what he's saying now. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he's still reading email that he started this morning. Howard said he has one guy who doesn't like JD on the air. Howard read that one. Howard said he enjoys JD on the air. This guy doesn't.
Howard said that someone has a question about Joel Osteen joining Sirius. Howard said that he's a fan of Sirius doing well. He said that they came there with only 400,000 subscribers. Now they have over 25 million. Howard said he doesn't know anything about Joel Osteen. Howard said if he can bring a paying audience there then he doesn't care. He said that's great. Howard said most people come and they don't generate any business. Howard said he wants someone compelling who can bring people in. Howard said that most people aren't exclusive either. He said he is and he brings in an audience like that. Howard said Joel Osteen fans need to think he's bringing something special there. Howard said he doesn't know if that's going to happen. Howard said every program has to be evaluated. Howard said that they have to figure out if there's a buzz being created. Howard said god bless him if he can bring in a couple of listeners.
Howard said that there are a lot of things to mention about the Eric the Actor story. He said there's a landslide of emotion for Eric's passing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Eric the Actor takes the cake for who was better on the show. He said he was input from him on the show. He said 9 times out of 10 it was interesting and funny. Howard said the vote was close. He said Eric came in third but it was close.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he has 15 months left on his contract. She said shame on Scott Greenstein. She said that they should give Howard what he wants to make him happy. Mariann started singing ''All I need is Howard in my life...'' and Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell Howard how great the Smokey interview was. He said that Howard and Smokey were two huge influences in his life growing up. Howard said it's mind boggling that he wrote so many hit songs. The caller said his eyes were welling up hearing that. He said it brought back so many memories. He had to thank Howard for that. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin read a story about how George Patacki might be considering running for president. Howard said he'd like him to win too. He said he thinks he'd let him go to Camp David. Howard said that anyone can get into the White House. Howard said that there was a guy who made it into the East wing. Howard said that they have snipers around the White House and they're told to shoot and this guy made it past all of that. Howard said that he wonders how the fuck that guy got in there. Howard said every single one of those guys should be fired. Howard said all 40 of those people should be fired and replaced.
Howard said the president had a very interesting response to a question from Steve Croft. Howard played the clip and Obama was asked why we are taking the lead in this fight against ISIS. Obama told him that's the way we roll and we're always asked to respond first.
Howard said he was thinking about Eric the Actor. He said he was able to get a check and live until 39 because this country is so great. Howard said the rest of the world turns to us and then they turn on us. He said they're jealous of us. Howard said they get angry because they all depend on us so much. Howard said that it's very complicated too.
Robin told Howard about the protests going on in Hong Kong, China and how the rest of China doesn't know what's going on in Hong Kong. Robin said what they want is to be able to choose their leader.
Robin read a story about a video that surfaced from a sky diving accident. Robin said it killed two men. Robin said they recorded their own death. Howard asked who would skydive. Robin said she considered doing it at one time. Robin read about the instructor and the guy who was with him. Robin said they have recovered the video and they are going to look into why they died. Robin said all signs are pointing to a tragic accident. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a college that is going to try to pop the most bubble wrap this week. Robin said it's going to be the most people popping at one time. Howard said he has a lot of regrets about the time he wasted in his life and he'd like to grab it back. He said one day they're going to feel like assholes. Robin said they're just one of a group of whackos. Robin said they're going to go at it for two minutes. Robin said the last record was set in May in Minnesota with 942 people.
Robin read a story about George Zimmerman's family members saying that they hoped to get a reality TV show out of the trial coverage. Robin said the family says they are all armed at all times and they're ready to flee their homes at any moment.
Robin read a story about George Clooney tying the knot officially yesterday. Robin said they had a civil ceremony yesterday after the wedding was held over the weekend. Robin said now it's legally sanctified.
Robin read that Melissa Rivers has a book deal. Robin said it's actually not a book deal for her, it's for someone who is writing it for her. Robin said they were asking friends not to cooperate at first. Robin said they're going to call it Joan Rivers: A Life. Robin said Melissa is now giving it her blessing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is on point with the secret service and all of that. He said it would be chaos for the foreseeable future if someone got to him. Howard said their whole job is to keep that lawn clear and this guy made it into the East Wing. Howard said it's just crazy. He said everyone of those guys should be fired.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howie Mandel makes everything about himself. Howard said he has a philosophy. He said that he could come in and be a dick to everyone or he could go in on a show and get along with everyone the best he can. Howard said Howie has a way of judging and he doesn't want to fuck things up there. The caller said Howie never gives suggestions on how to make there acts better. Howard said Howie is a wacky guy and he does his humor. Howard said he likes Howie.
The caller said that he sees Howie looking over at Howard for validation. Howard said they all do that. He said he thinks they all look up to him and he enjoys it. The caller said Howard never looks back. Howard said he's busy with himself. Howard told the guy to stop watching so closely and just enjoy the show.
Robin read about Aretha Franklin coming out with her own version of ''Rolling In The Deep'' so she had Howard play Adele's version and Aretha's version. Howard said that's good when he heard Aretha's version. Howard said he hasn't heard Aretha's all the way through. Howard said Aretha Franklin is an older woman now. Robin said she's 72. Howard said she's got some voice. He said that she has some delivery too. Howard said that he loved the Adele version but he thinks that Aretha's version was fucking amazing. He said he's shocked. Robin said she's 72 and able to hit every one of those notes. Howard said it was remarkable.
Robin read a story about Led Zeppelin releasing a different version of ''The Rain Song.'' She had a clip so Howard played that and tried to hear the difference. Howard said the opening line was a little different. He let it play and said that he thinks Robert Plant's voice is a little phlegmier. Fred said it's a little raw. Howard said they probably released the right version. Howard said he thinks the music is the same and it's just the vocal that was different. Fred agreed. Robin said Jimmy Page said that the song shows the band's strengths.
Robin read a story about FEMA wanting American's to gather up friends and neighbors and host a prepare-a-thon. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said they'll get to that right after they pop some bubble wrap. Howard said that if there's a diaster the best thing is probably to just go. He said that surviving isn't the best thing. Howard said that people are going to steal what you save anyway. He said he sees what's going on with The Walking Dead and The Strain. Howard said he remembers preparing for nuclear war when he was like 5 years old. He said they had to crouch under a desk and close the blinds. Howard said just think about how absurd that is. Howard said he should have strutted around that room and said ''You dumb fucks...'' and climbed on top of a girl. He said that he would repopulate and not hide under a desk. Howard said it's a big waste of time to prepare.
Howard said he watches the show The Strain and it's so great. He said Ray Donovan and Boardwalk Empire are so great too. Howard said the people who do stay alive in The Strain want to be dead. He said that vampires are feeding off of everyone. Howard said the people on The Walking Dead are having a hard time finding food. He asked what the point of staying alive is. Robin said there was a volcano that erupted in Japan and no one was prepared for that. Robin said people were hiking by the volcano when it erupted. Howard said he doesn't want to be around for that. He said there has to be some law and order and some comfort. Howard said the vampires took out TV and internet in The Strain. He said that they're no fun.
Robin had some audio of Tony Stewart commenting on the death of Kevin Ward Jr. Robin had a couple of clips that she had Howard play.
Robin read about how the secret service is under scrutiny after a man got into the White House before being arrested. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the country tallying up what it will cost to fight ISIS. Robin said they say it will cost billions. Howard asked what kind of world this is. Robin said it could cost 4 billion a year. Howard said look at the nonsense we have to deal with. Howard said we're doomed. Robin said there are people complaining that we did something about ISIS and killed some people.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who sounded kind of down when he spoke to Howard. Howard asked what was up. Jeff said that he wanted to tell him that yesterday bummed him out. Howard asked what happened to him. Jeff said he had a bad call to the show. Jeff said that bummed him out. Howard asked if he drinks because he doesn't sound fun anymore. Jeff said he isn't drinking now. Howard said he was going to change his name to Jeff the Bore. Howard figured that would bum him out. Jeff told him not to do that. He said that's not even funny. Robin said she thinks that's hysterical. Howard said this call is horrible too so he's on a roll with the bad calls. Howard asked what he can do for him. Jeff said he's just bummed. Howard told him to call when he has something to say. He said he has nothing to say and that's the problem. Jeff said he had a lot to say yesterday. Howard told him to get a topic that someone is interested in. Robin said he had a topic yesterday. He knew someone who went to the Eric the Actor funeral. Fred did an impression of that and was making it even clearer than Jeff did yesterday.
Jeff said that he had an infection in his hand. Howard said his arm should be removed. Jeff asked if he'll hang it in his studio. Howard said that's a good idea. Howard said he thinks that he should get that arm removed but Jeff thinks it's going to come back somehow. Jeff said it is tough carrying it around with him. Howard said of course it is.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Jeff and goofed on him a little bit. Jeff said he's on antibiotics because of his hand infection. Howard told Jeff to have a nice day and let him go. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he can't believe a guy who spends 23 hours a day in a trailer has nothing to say. Howard did more of his Jeff impression with Fred. Howard said he had nothing to say other than that he got a new black sling for his arm. Howard said that's all he had to say.
Robin read a story about the United States and Afghanistan signing an agreement to let about 10,000 troops stay in the country when they end things over there later this year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to change Jeff's name to Jeff the Bore. Howard said he's leaning in that direction. Robin said it will make every phone call a winner. The caller said that's a great name. Howard said they will go with that then.
Robin read a story about how certain types of fat are more dangerous for people than others. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about which fat is worse.
Robin read a story about a couple that is accused of starving their autistic son to death. Robin said he was only 17 pounds and 42 inches tall when he died. Howard said that you have to be prepared for the worst when you have a kid. Robin said that the kid's bed and room were smeared with feces. Robin said that the family has been charged with criminal homicide. Howard said his goal weight is 17 pounds. Robin said he's getting close.
Robin read a story about a sportscaster who is being charged with fraud. Robin said he was duping people into thinking he had a relationship with a team. Robin said he was keeping the money and the charities weren't getting the money he was collecting.
Robin read a story about the sister of the man who beheaded a woman. She's saying she doesn't think it has anything to do with his religion or terrorism. Robin said the man is now saying that he felt oppressed at work so that's why he did that.
Robin read about how Neil Diamond showed up at his high school with a pop up concert to promote his new album. Howard said he'd be pissed if Neil Diamond showed up at his high school. Robin said the concert was free and it was first come, first served. Robin said he did more songs than he was supposed to do. Robin said it wasn't for the students. It was for his fans who showed up for it.
Robin read a story about a cruise ship where a man raped a woman and tried to throw her overboard. Robin said that the man was doing a nude cruise for Valentine's day. Howard said nudists love to do shit that should never be done nude. Howard said they just want to be nude for everything. Howard said there are clothes because it's embarrassing to do certain things nude. Howard said he finds it funny when people get nude to play sports but they wear sneakers.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that they have problems with the Wack Packers. She said High pitch is in the hospital. Jeff the Drunk has an infection and Bobo has a gall stone. Howard said he's not shocked that Eric is in the hospital. Howard said he loves Eric and they could lose another one if he doesn't take care of himself. Howard said he has to stop eating. Mariann said they're trying to convince him to have gastric bypass. Howard and Robin said he should have it. Howard said he'll explode if he doesn't get it done. Robin said she thinks Eric should have it done. She said she would usually say no but Eric needs to do something drastic. Howard played a High Pitch Eric bit where he gave an eating tip and said you don't leave a Chinese buffet even if they tell you to.
Robin read that Walmart is blaming Tracy Morgan for not wearing his seatbelt and that's why he was injured in the accident where one of their trucks smashed into his limo.
Robin read about how the Yankees are taking a wait and see stance on the A-Rod situation for next season. Robin said they have to see what kind of shape he's in by then.
Robin said Michael Strahan is going to be in the sequel to Magic Mike. Robin said that Channing Tatum has written Michael a role. Robin had some audio of Michael talking about that. Howard cut it off asking if there was anything else.
Robin said George Clooney invited everyone to his wedding. She said that's different than what most celebrities are doing these days. Howard said that's fine and they can deal with it. Robin said most people say they're not even dating. Howard said he got married right there in Manhattan. Howard said he doesn't like the way he looks in the pictures but he doesn't like the way he looks in any picture. Howard said it was a smart move not to fight it. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon brought up the Wack Pack Poll and how Beetlejuice won that by 1/10th of a percent. Gary said he thinks that's about right.
Jon went over a few other things like High Pitch Eric being in the hospital and Jeff the Drunk's name possibly being changed to Jeff the Bore. Gary said he isn't as interesting as he used to be. Jon said that Howard did explain to him how that name might be more apt to him.
Jon said they have to talk about paternity leave. He said Shuli had the option not to take it. Gary said the company makes it known that you can do things like that so they can't come back and say they didn't know about it. Gary said he would probably try taking a week off and see where it goes from there. Jon asked if it would make him feel like less of a man by not doing it. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said there is something in his body that says he has to go to work unless there's a really good reason not to. Gary said his son Jackson was born on a Thursday and he went to work the following Monday.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he couldn't help but think when Gary went home during the hurricane and he thinks that Howard would give Gary a harder time than he did with Shuli. Jon said there's no way Gary would ever take that kind of time off. Gary said he would like to take a week off for a kid but he doesn't think he'd do a month. Gary said that it's very disruptive to have a child. He said it comes up like a hurricane.
Jon said going from one child to two is no walking the park. He said people do seem to get it done though. Gary said that it's just a matter of getting on a schedule. He said he'd like to talk about the hurricane. He said he went home on a day that people are still talking about two years later. Gary said that they still talk about hurricane Sandy. He said that nothing happened to his house but now they're looking back in retrospect. He said he doesn't regret not coming in that day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he just had a kid. He said he's on paternity leave now. He said he thinks that taking the time off is for his wife. He said she can't pick up their other son. He said that it's not to stay home to have a party. He said that Shuli is going to be taking up the slack that she can't do. Gary said he agrees that it's a way to help get back on a normal schedule. The caller said that he got a week off. He said they gave him whatever he wanted but he just took a week. He said it's only been 7 days. He said it's hard to be home with the wife and then she has to take care of it all the next day. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked if this is encouraging to Shuli. Shuli said that you have a whole other job when you get done at work. He said you never know what that's going to bring. He said the horror of walking into a room to a crib covered in shit is awful. He said as a dad you snap into it and do what you have to do.
Jon asked Will if he feels like it's not a manly thing to do to take paternity leave. Will said he doesn't want to judge anyone. He said it sounds like Shuli has a special situation there. He said that he thinks that he could leave work and they'd survive without him but he never thought about missing a month of live shows. Gary said that no one thinks that Will is cooking for free days off. Will said Shuli is one of the hardest working guys there. He's there when he doesn't need to be there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she is a mom and her husband took leave twice. She said that women are allowed to take a year off in Canada. She said it's not about being a manly thing. She said her husband was one in his company who figured out that he could do it. He said that it's about bonding with your child. She said that a lot of women go back to work after 6 weeks or something. Gary said he thinks it's 3 months. The caller said that if you look at other places around the world the mentality is to raise that child and not drop it off at a nanny's.
Jon said he doesn't want to get into that. He said everyone's circumstance is different. He said that it sounds weird or different when they hear about this paternity leave. He said when he had his kids they just didn't do that. Shuli said that they don't have the money to hire a nanny. He said when he had his daughter 4 years ago he didn't even know about this. He said he would rather be there than not be there just to be on the safe side.
Gary said they didn't want a nanny in the house at the time. He said he felt that they should spend as much time with the kids as they could because it meant a lot to them.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Shuli about how much time he took off. Shuli only took a day or so off when his first daughter was born.
Shuli said he's a good team player. He said he interviewed Chuck Zito and Richard's dad about taking time off like that. He said that wasn't easy.
Jon said Mario was also talking about how he thinks he met his wife at the right time. Gary said that he thinks that it can happen that way. Will said that he agrees with Howard and Mario on that. He said that as a guy you are thinking about living as a bachelor and if you're ready to make that change. Gary said he took a ton of shit from Ralph and Howard about getting married. He said that he loves Mary and he had to be ready for that.
Gary said he and Mary were dating for 3 months and they got lost coming back from Vermont. He said they laughed on the way home. He said a year later they did the same thing and it was a different story. He said that they weren't laughing. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon said he knew he was a prolific song writer but he didn't know it was that prolific. He said that he lived so close to Aretha Franklin and Diana Ross in that time too. Gary said that he's not sure if people under 35 or so know how dominant Motown was in the 60s.
Jon and Gary talked about the way Motown worked and how it was like an assembly line for songs. Gary said he loved that they let like 5 artists record a song and the best performance would win. Jon said that's what Howard was talking about with Smokey. He was talking about how he wrote songs for The Temptations and he had no problem letting it go to them.
Jon said that Smokey said that he had no process for writing a song. He said sometimes the music came first and sometimes the lyrics did. Jon said it takes someone very special to be able to do that.
Jon said Robin was gushing a lot today. He said both Howard and Robin were in awe of Smokey. Gary said they were. He said the thing he remembers about Motown songs was that kids loved them, parents loved them and even grandparents loved them. He said it was spread over all generations.
Gary said he remembers taking a call from Smokey when Howard's movie came out. He said Smokey told him to tell Howard that he loved the movie. He said that was so great and shocking that he'd take the time to do that for him.
Jon had Shuli give them some Howard 100 headlines. Shuli mentioned that they are doing a new thing with the Wack Packers where they ask what they have in their refrigerators. He said Ass Napkin Ed is up today. He told the guys about some of the stuff that he had in there. Shuli ran down a few more things and then Jon wrapped up and ended the show. The guys got in their plugs and they were done around 11:00am.
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Howard started the show talking about a famous painting called The Diner by Edward Hopper. He said that Tom Adelsbach did a parody of it with Eric the Actor, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Hank the Dwarf and Blue Iris in it. Howard said that's on their web site. Howard said that Melissa Etheridge and Lena Dunham will be coming in today.
Howard said that they have a lot of things to get to. Howard said that he read about Sarah Palin getting the address of the White House wrong. Howard said she seems to get everything wrong. She said 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue. Howard said it's 1600 like everyone knows. Howard played a clip of her saying that. Howard said that Palin comes off really bad. He said someone has to get a hold of her.
Howard said just imagine she was a heartbeat away from being president. Howard said politicians work so hard to get there and she was picked by John McCain and she had almost no experience. Howard said that was a freaky thing. Howard said someone should have caught that she had no knowledge of the country. Howard said she's not well read. He said he thinks that public service is an admirable thing and some of these guys seem passionate about their jobs. Howard said he thinks there are people in congress who are into their jobs. Howard said there are people who are bright and do care. He said for her to get chosen is pretty remarkable. Howard said their Vice President was almost Paris Hilton.
Howard said he doesn't get Bill Cosby on these talk shows. He said he knows Bill doesn't like him too. He said Bill has had a big career. He said he broke racial barriers on TV shows and things like that. Howard said he's not being a dick. He said he doesn't get his comedy at all. He said that he saw him at the Felt Forum when he was a kid around 12. He said he didn't get what he was droning on about. Howard said he felt he had to get out of the theater. Howard said he's on the Colbert Report the other night and he doesn't get it. Howard played a clip of Colbert and Cosby talking and Cosby was rambling on about Betsy Ross making his shirt or something. Howard wondered if they're sweetening the laughter or something. Howard said he's getting big laughs and he's not sure what's so funny. Robin said maybe he was nude. Howard said he'd get that. Howard said he's trying not to be a dick about this. He said he knows it's hard to be funny. He said he just doesn't get him. He said he wants to be in on this and laugh with these people.
Howard played more of the interview and Bill Cosby was talking about how fun houses aren't fun at all. He said they're scary. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with that. He said he doesn't get it. He's not sure why it irritates him either. Robin asked if he laughed at Bob Hope. Howard said he did. He said he was good at those monologues. Howard said he can enjoy a guy who has a couple of lines. Robin said he did this sort of thing where everything he said was supposed to be funny. Howard said he just doesn't get it.
Howard said those laughs can't be real. He said he just doesn't get it. Howard said it's like everyone around him is drunk and he's sober. Robin said there are comedy movies that aren't funny and they make hundreds of millions of dollars.
Howard asked what blacking out is like. He asked if he fell asleep or what. Eric said that his mind just goes blank. He said he doesn't know how long he blacked out. He said his mind would just go blank and then he wakes up. He said the movie was over already. Robin said she's had that happen but it's just sleeping. Howard said it sounds like a stroke or something is going on. Robin said it could be that they are strokes.
Howard said Eric eats all day long and he doesn't have the highest IQ. Howard said someone has to explain to him how to eat properly. Eric said he had two CAT scans. He said they put some dye in his veins and it was the worst feeling. He said he had a metal taste in his mouth.
Howard asked what Eric was watching when he blacked out. Eric said it was something on Netflix. He didn't remember what it was. Eric said the food at the hospital was good. He said he's diabetic and they had him on a special diet. Howard asked if he liked it. Howard said if he ate like that ever day he'd be fine.
Robin asked what Eric is doing by eating Oreo's for breakfast. Eric said they go with his coffee. Howard said he has to reorganize his life. He said he doesn't think he'll do that though. He said he will die young if he doesn't make a change.
Robin asked if he's going to have the lap band surgery. Eric said he's being pressured into doing that. He said he's stressed out by this whole thing. Howard said that he should be. He said he has to make changes in his life. Howard said he doesn't think Eric is capable of sitting down and eating the right thing. Howard said he doesn't have a family that can deal with him that well. He doesn't listen. He said he's deficient in a lot of things. Howard said he doesn't have the highest intelligence. Howard said there are a lot of people in that position.
Howard said he's not sure Eric would survive the surgery for his stomach. Eric said there are a lot of risks. Robin said he's not nervous about what he's been doing that's killing him. Howard said Joey Boots made a tape of Eric and he was having all kinds of junk food. He said he's out of control. Eric said he knows. Howard asked if he thinks he's capable of controlling his impulses. Howard asked if he wrote down a lunch, dinner and two fruits if he could follow that. Eric said he would. Howard said he doesn't think so. Eric said he has someone who is trying to help him get through this. Howard asked if he has someone close to him who wants to put him on a Mediterranean diet. Howard laughed. Eric said this guy owns a pita and hummus company and he wants to help him out. Howard said Richard Simmons is one of the best people to help and even he can't help people lose weight. Eric said this guy wants to help him and he's going to train him at the gym. Howard said it sounds good if he can do it.
Howard said Eric is scared now but he'll get home and see the food and he'll eat it. Howard said he doesn't have the will power to do it. Eric said he does. Howard said Eric is killing himself. He said he's going to start losing limbs if he doesn't control his diabetes. Eric said they took his blood test last week and said his white blood cells are very low and he has an infection in his white blood cells. He said that they asked if he has a cold or flu but he doesn't. Howard said he could get leukemia or something. Robin said if you have an infection then the white blood cells should be high.
Howard said this should be a scary wake up call. Howard said this is the last Eric in the Wack Pack. Howard said he would hate to do a eulogy for Eric. He said he won't be doing a week long tribute to him either. Howard said he has been on the show for a long time but he's told him he has to take care of himself. Eric thanked Howard for saying he loves him. Howard said he is dangerously close to the edge. Howard said he doesn't know if he's mentally capable of pulling himself together. He said he's smarter than Wendy or Gary the conqueror but not much smarter. Eric said he has a 65 IQ. Howard said he's basically retarded. Howard said he's doing really well for a retarded person. Eric said he's not retarded, he's dull. Howard said that's a nice way of saying retarded.
Howard said Eric is only 5 points higher in the IQ thing than Wendy was. Howard said she's hopeless. He said she's going to explode one day. Howard said Eric is somewhat reasonable. He said he thinks he can lose the weight but he's not sure. Robin asked where the money comes from for the food. Eric said he gets food stamps every month. Howard asked if he rations out the stamps. Eric said he doesn't have to. He said he gets money twice a week and food stamps. Howard said god bless this country. Howard started to sing and said that he was looking at his taxes and had a moment. He said that he thought about quitting his job. He said they take some big chunk of taxes out of his pay. He said he doesn't know why he lives in New York. He said he gets up at 4 in the morning to pay his taxes. He said if he moved to Florida then it might make sense to work. Howard said Eric has fucking Netflix and he's working his ass off to pay for that. Eric has enough food to feed an army and he's not even working. Howard said he thinks they should make Eric go out and hunt instead of giving him these food stamps. Howard said that he would lose weight if they made him do that. Howard said he can go out with a bow and arrow to find food. Robin said he'd be skinny in no time.
Eric said the hospital food is awesome. Robin said no one has ever said that. Eric said they do a calorie count. He said they base that on his diabetes and his cardiac. Howard said that's what he needs help with. Eric said he knows. Howard said Eric is incapacitated mentally. Howard said he was listed as either ''dull'' or ''feeble'' in the IQ test thing. Eric didn't seem to care. He just kept on talking. Howard said the doctors even said it was a miracle he can live without assistance.
Fred said if you look it up he's actually a moron. He said that's someone with an IQ between 50 and 69 and Eric was at 66. Eric said he's a high functioning Baby Huey. Howard laughed. Howard said he's done a great job with what he has. Howard said he hopes that he knows what a wake up call means.
Howard said there are safety nets in our society. Howard said he needs a care taker. Robin said you can't have an Eric without someone being there all the time. Howard said he needs to be locked up for a year or two with someone. Robin said there's nothing really wrong with him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she tries to talk to Eric every day. She said he just doesn't listen. Mariann said that he has a lot of doctors and none of them try to help. Howard said they're overwhelmed with cases. Howard said he's seen that look on Eric's face when you tell him to lose weight. Howard said he doesn't listen. He said he's going to die and it's a question of when. Howard said it's also how painful it's going to be. He could lose limbs. Mariann said he wasn't that heavy in the beginning. She said it's getting worse now. Howard said Eric used to walk around more than he does now. Mariann said it's very sad.
Howard said it's time for Eric to take responsibility for himself. He said Mariann tries to help and he doesn't listen to her either. Eric said he wants to thank Howard for yesterday. He thanked Mariann for being a sweetheart too. Howard asked Eric what he took away from this situation. Eric was still thanking people. Howard asked what he's going to do now. Eric said his plan is to go on a strict diet when he goes home. He said he's going to throw away his junk food. Howard said he can have a few chips, right? Eric said no. He said he knows he has to throw it all away. Eric said that chips are not healthy enough.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to do when he gets hungry. Eric said he won't eat, he'll drink water. Howard said maybe he can have lemonade. Eric said that's too sweet. Howard and Robin threw Soda in there too. Eric said he knows he can't have that. Howard said he can go out and have fries and a burger. Eric said he can have a burger but no bun. He said he can't have macaroni and cheese either. Howard said he can have one instead of two, right? Eric said he can have one. Howard said no more macaroni an cheese. He said he can't control himself. Eric said he has to control himself to be healthy. Howard said Eric is going to do this and he's going to fall right back into his bad habits. He said he really has to go now. He said this is boring to him. Eric thanked Howard and the fans for being supportive once again.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he has brought Eric to his house. He said he does love this sick stuff. He said he gets attention from this. King said he brought him to a pizza shop and he ordered two slices and told them not to cut it so it was a big fold. He said Eric is a nice guy though. Howard said if he limited himself to two pieces he'd be fine.
King said he let Eric drive his scooter and he went up on the grass and hit the front step. He said it was the funniest thing.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he really misses Eric the Actor today. He said Howard is stuck with High Pitch now. He said that he has to get some mental help. He said he went to his apartment once and it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw. He said he almost threw up just looking in the corner of his apartment.
Sal came in and said that he's been on the road with Eric. He said one time he had a stomach ache and a headache. He said he asked for a burger and a bucket of ribs. Sal said once they were at a hotel and he got up at 7 in the morning and he could smell the food Eric had in his room. He said he opened his room and they left the food cart there in his room. He said there was so much food that he had to leave the whole cart there. He said he had all kinds of food and Eric was there like Jabba the Hutt surrounded by plates. Sal said that Eric told him he was told to order whatever he wanted. Sal said they had a guy picking up the tab so he got whatever he wanted to and said ''fuck him'' to the guy who was paying for it.
Howard asked if Eric is understanding what he has to do. Eric said he knows this is a wake up call for him. Howard said he's not sure if he knows what that means. Eric said he knows. Howard said he heard he's been posting on Facebook. Eric said he knows he could have a heart attack. Howard said he thinks that Eric is enjoying all of this. Eric said he's not. Howard said if he was scared he wouldn't be on Facebook. Eric said that people do post on there and give update statuses. Ralph told him to lose weight and get a job. Eric said he has a herniated disc in his back and he can't work. Ralph said that's because he's as fat as Jabba the Hutt. Eric said that Ralph is ugly too.
Howard said Eric is trying to call into other radio shows while he's sick. He said he can't be that sick. Howard said he was playing with his new iPhone and Ralph said that he hates his. Howard said he loves the big one. Ralph said he's used to using one hand and he can't get used to the bigger iPhone 6. He said he has to test it a few more days to see.
Howard said you know things are bad when Ralph is calling in to help Eric out. Ralph said he doesn't care about Eric. He said he just wants Eric the Actor back. Ralph said Eric's Nanu, nanu line was his last and best line ever. Fred played that a couple of times for him. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that Stone Temple Pilots were so good. He said he has to listen to this. He said that's what he should be doing now.
Howard said that Lena Dunham has a new book out called ''Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's ''Learned''''. Howard said the book is getting rave reviews. Howard asked how she has time to write a book and write ''Girls.'' Lena said that she has a great writing staff but she's there most of the time. She said she has friends and a family too.
Howard said Lena has a hot career right now. Howard said he knows how hard it is to write a book. He said that he used to work 24 hours a day. He said he was writing a book and doing the radio show and it was maddening. Lena said she knows. She said that she was doing that and never thought she was finished. Lena said she just saw a reflection of a mannequin and it scared her. She said she almost screamed. Lena said she's trying to get used to being in the studio.
Lena told Howard that she was thinking about writing and doing the show and all of that and it can get confusing. Howard said he's been through the book tour and all of that. Howard said he heard some guy scalped tickets to the book tour for $900. Lena said she wanted to buy them back and give them to a fan. She said there are fans who don't want to pay $900. Lena said that her assistant was going to go do that but the guy wanted all cash and wanted it in a parking lot. Lena said she didn't want to be responsible for her death so she told her not to do it. Howard said tickets to the book tour are $38. Lena said that includes a book and she reads the book to the people who come. She said that she makes it into a show.
Howard said there are some interesting facts in the book. He said she doesn't hold back in it. Howard said she talks about her OCD and he did that in his book. Howard said it's more unusual when a woman has OCD. Howard said he used to be in denial about it. Lena said her parents knew something funky was going on with her. She said that she was in analysis over that. Howard asked how old she was when it happened. She said that she doesn't remember never having it. Howard said he thinks he got it after he did acid in college. Howard said he never had signs of it until then. He said he had an overdose of acid and it fucked his brain up. Lena said she did acid at 2 so that makes sense.
Howard asked how bad her OCD is. Lena said she has had moments when it was crippling. She said it prevented her from going to school and things like that. Lena said she had the flicking of the light switch and then thinking about her parents having sex 32 times and then doubling that. She said that she had to think about their toothbrushes and had to remember what they looked like. Lena said you're completely aware of how absurd you're being in the moment. Howard said that you do think about how ridiculous it is but you give into it anyway. Howard said that it's a control issue. He said his psychiatrist says he has control issues. Howard said he has it under control somewhat.
Lena said she took medication for her's. She said she took Luvox and some other things. She said she takes a small dose of Lexipro now. She said that takes the edge off. Howard asked if it hurts her creativity. Lena said she doesn't think so. Lena said that the minutes she spent photographing toothbrushes with her mind are things she'll never get back. Howard said when he did radio it didn't really bother him. He said eventually it started coming into that. He said when that started creeping in he thought he was screwed.
Howard said he was going through the back pain thing and it was a long story but he was able to help himself with Dr. Sarno. Lena said she knows that. She said that she had back pain too and that helped her. She said she and Howard both do TM. She said that Andy Kaufman helped her great grandmother get into that too. Howard asked if she knew Andy. She said he died before she was born. Howard said he was the most awesome. Howard said he didn't know him but he was a huge fan. Lena said she loved him on Taxi. Her mom knew him from 4th grade. Lena said he was high on life as they would say. Howard said he would go work in a restaurant just to get to know regular people.
Lena said that Andy did an interview with Elayne Boosler with a desk that was like 11 feet taller than him. Howard said that came out that the talk show guys did that to look more powerful than the gust. Howard said Andy did that as a goof and he did it like 11 feet in the air.
Howard said it must be great that all of these celebrities want to be on her show ''Girls.'' Howard said he heard that Reese Witherspoon and Alec Baldwin have asked to be on. Lena said that Reese is her friend but she's never asked to be on. She said with that she's going to go with it and get her on the show. Lena said it is very odd to be in a room full of famous people. She said she never thinks she'll feel that's the right place to be for her.
Howard said he never wanted to be a fan of things. He said he waned to be the cynic. Howard said as he got older he realized he could be a fan of things. Lena said when she was a teen it was cool to hate things. Now she goes into things just wanting to love it. Howard said that's very mature of her. Lena said that she never feels that way.
Howard asked Lena about how she says no to things when she has so much coming in. Lena said she's not good at saying no. Howard said he isn't either. He said he loves announcing to the world that he's doing things. Lena said that she's a super private person and she needs time to work on things. Howard said she has moved in with her boyfriend. Lena said that he's her life partner. She said she doesn't feel right getting married since her gay sister can't get married in every place. She said if she can't do it then she doesn't feel right doing it.
Howard asked Lena about the boyfriend, Jack Antonoff, who is in the band Fun. She said that he does his thing in their apartment and she does her thing.
Howard asked if Lena paints since her parents are artists. She said she does not. Lena said she saw something that Howard did and it was really cool. She said she can't paint. She said her dad made a living as a painter. She said her mom was a photographer. She said that her dad was a layout artist for Time magazine for a long time. She said that when computers first started coming in he quit his job. Lena said he hasn't had a job since then. Howard said some of the best painters were illustrators. He said that's how they made a living at it.
Howard said Lena says that she was the worst bullimic. Lena said she's not trying to belittle the illness. She said that she likes food so much that she would let it digest and then want to throw it up. She said that was just gagging and making a spectacle of herself.
Howard said Lena said that she thought she had to lose weight for ''Girls.'' Lena said they wanted her to be who she was and it took her a while to realize that. Lena said that it's hard not to fall victim to those pressures. Lena said that no one was putting that pressure on her but herself.
Howard said Lena says that she slept in her parent's bed way too long. Howard said she was afraid that sleeping and death was the same thing. Lena said they are very similar. Lena said her parents told her that you sleep so you don't die. She said that she slept in the bed from like 1986 to 1998. She said she's pretty sure her parents didn't have sex in those years.
Lena said that Howard is eating a grapefruit. Howard said it's the worst one ever. He said it's really hard and not good at all.
Howard asked if she wrote down that she was never going to have sex until she got married. Lena said she did that and she swallowed the piece of paper she wrote the vow on. She said that she's not sure where that came from but it may have been from 90210. Howard said he was watching the show too. He said she had an excuse for that but he didn't. Howard said he was too old to be watching that. Howard said the weird thing is that David from 90210 is doing Megan Fox. Lena said that he was a heartthrob from her childhood. She said that would be like her getting Luke Perry. Howard said Luke used to come on the show all the time. Howard said Luke was the one who introduced him on MTV as Fartman. Howard said then he was so big he didn't want to play himself in Private Parts.
Howard said in the book Lena says she was raped by a guy. Howard said that made him very sad. Howard said she also says that she started moaning and telling him how great he was in bed. Howard said he was thinking that maybe that was smart so he wouldn't kill her. Howard asked if that's what the strategy was. Lena said she wasn't in her right mind at the moment. She said that she doesn't know if it was strategy. She said that it might have been to make her feel like it wasn't that much of a violation. She said it was more like a choice. She said that this was something she was very anxious about putting in the book. Lena said we're living in a moment where campus assault is an epidemic. She said that there are women who don't feel safe on their campuses. Lena said they blame themselves for it. Lena said they're speaking out and that gave her confidence to speak out about it too. She said she was scared to talk about it. Lena said she had a fear of being labeled as a victim. She said she went to a small college and people knew each other. Howard asked where she went. She said she went to Oberlin in Ohio. Lena said that they were really committed to equality and all of that. Lena said that people don't know what consent means. She said that if someone makes you do something while you're having sex that is assault.
Lena told her doctor what happened and the doctor didn't make her talk. She said that the only person she really told the whole story to was her friend Audrey. Howard said that he knew someone who went through something similar and she didn't tell anyone. Howard asked Lena what her fear was in telling someone. Lena said that she thought that people would say she was lying or exaggerated. She said that they might ask why he would want to do that to her since he was more attractive than she was. She said that he was someone people knew. Howard asked if she came clean to her mom before the book came out. Lena said she shared the essay with her mom and she knew that she'd get it. She said that her mom may have been upset that she didn't figure it all out at the time. Lena said her mom was very shaken up over it. She said it was hard for her father to read as well. Lena said everything about that night was uncomfortable to talk about. She said that she had taken a Xanax too. She said that women need to learn to speak out and men need to talk to each other about consent. Robin said most of these guys don't think they did anything wrong. Howard asked if she ever saw him again. Lena said she never did.
Lena said she's so grateful that this is in the national dialog right now. She said that they are talking about this stuff. Lena said that Oberlin is educating people about it when they start there. Lena said she didn't go to the school administration so she can't say what they would do. She said that so many schools have made grave errors in the handling of these situations. Lena said she was talking to a male friend of her's and he knew a girl who got assaulted and he just thought it wasn't true and the girl was ''weird.''
Howard said Lena talks about love making and the first time she had sex was a disaster. Lena said the whole thing was a mess. She said she didn't tell him that she was a virgin. Howard said she didn't think he was attractive either. She said he looked like a middle aged lesbian to her. Howard said she had bad sex and she thought about giving it up completely.
Howard said that Girls is the cool, hip show and people are asking to be on it. Howard asked if it's hard to say no. Lena said she doesn't have to do that. She said that she has people who do that. Howard said that the guy Adam Driver who plays her boyfriend is in the new Star Wars. Lena said he's having an amazing career moment. She said he's incredibly sweet. She said she thinks he would have gotten there without her. She said she just happened to be in the place to snap him up. Howard said people can miss that someone is that great. He said it takes someone to discover him. Lena said she showed up one day with her grandmother's dog tags on just to see if he said anything. She said that she wasn't supposed to talk about his military service with him.
Howard asked Lena about doing Saturday Night Live. Howard said people are looking to take her down. Howard said she's got so much success and she has people who want to take her down. Howard said he thinks that the rub is that women are freaked out by her getting naked on her show. Lena said that they're not upset about that in France. Howard said people get upset because she's not a traditional beauty. Lena said she did a book signing last night and she sees the fans there. She said that she was so moved by that. Lena said she got to connect with these great people and it was an amazing assortment of people. Howard said it must be shocking to her because she wasn't the toast of the town in school. Howard said now everyone wants a piece of her. Lena said that they're connecting over the same views. She said that's a beautiful feeling.
Howard said Lena says she's not that enamored with being on camera. Howard said she may become a director or writer only. Lena said she loves what she does and she feels she's cleared so much from doing it. She said she feels like the industry is brutal on women as they age. She said that she'd like to do the behind the scenes things. Lena said acting doesn't give her the same satisfaction that she gets from doing the writing and all of that. Lena said she likes the recognition and that's fine but she doesn't need that. Howard said he needs it but there's also that nightmare part. He said he's so tall that people look at him either way. Howard said he was self conscious before he was famous and it always felt bizarre to him.
Howard said Lena talks about working with one guy who had to cover up his ass because he had ass acne. Lena said they have a make up artist who has touched up that kind of stuff. Howard said there are times when he gets nervous and he gets acne on his ass. He said that it's only when he's stressed. Howard said he doesn't have ''assne'' but it does come up at times. Lena said you can get them on your face or on your ass. She said it's part of life.
Howard said Lena once kneed Adam in the balls on the set. She said that she did that and since you're not having sex you can do that. Howard asked if she gets aroused in sex scenes. Lena said no. Howard said he does. He said he got a boner when he shot Private Parts. He said he gets aroused by a nude woman. Howard said he just tells her he has a boner. He said he can't control it. Lena asked if he gets erect when he gets a massage. Howard said he tells himself not to get hard the whole time. Lena said no one has ever gotten a boner with her in a sex scene.
Howard said he had the boner in the bathtub scene in Private Parts. Lena said she loved that film. Howard said he's in touch with Betty White again. He said he loves her and Ivan Reitman. Howard said he was in the tub and he had to get out of the tub in his underpants and he was aroused. Lena said she finds the whole thing not to be natural.
Howard said when Lena was a kid she talks about sleeping with her parents. She had a sister and she started sleeping in her bed. Howard said Lena was masturbating in the bed with her sister in there. Howard said calling it ''jerking off'' is funnier. Howard said that she had masturbated in bed with her sister and that's a real buzz kill. Lena said that she's very modest and it was very weird writing about that. She said she can randomly be a prude about certain things. Howard said she wrote about it in her book though. She said it's easier when she's writing about it than talking about it with Howard.
Howard said the way Lena does things on her TV show makes him think it would be easy for her to talk about the masturbation thing. Howard said he used to masturbate with tissues balled up in one hand in his parent's house. Howard said he would do that and then sneak into the toilet to flush them away. Lena said that she was young and trying to figure things out. She said that she read that women had to put their hands in their pants and move it around to get to know her body. Lena said that she wasn't a chronic masturbator. She said that she had one or two incidents when she did that.
Howard said Lena writes about how a prop condom got stuck in her ass. Lena said that it was one that Adam threw on set and the prop guy was supposed to take them away. She said he must have missed it and it somehow ended up in between her ass cheeks. She said she found it at home later that day.
Howard asked if Lena is happy. She said she is. She said she has some gripes and she could improve on her personality but she is happy.
Howard asked if her email is full of stuff from people who want her to do something for her. Lena said she changed her email so she doesn't have that anymore. Lena said she has a friend who has had someone write to her and always asks her for something. She said that she told the person that maybe they can ask her how she's doing instead of asking her for something. Lena said she wishes she could do that. She said she feels guilty for having things and she can't do that.
Howard said Lena got an advance for this book and she hates talking about that. Lena said that when she grew up you never asked about how much money you make. She said that it's way more uncouth to do that than talk about masturbation. Lena said that you never hear about how a man doesn't deserve the money they're making. Howard said he hears that every day actually. Howard said that football players get that a lot too. Howard said they are evaluated. Lena said women are taken to task more than men are. Howard said that's true and women who are strong are called bitches when men are just called strong.
Howard said he was thinking about the email thing and how Lena is constantly trying to show what a good person she is. Lena said she is. Howard asked if she's ever had to fire someone. Lena said she hates firing people. She said there are people who hold things up and you just have to do it. Howard said he knows what that's like.
Howard asked if there are pictures in the book. Lena said there are some great illustrations in the book that her friend did. She said they break up the words and she likes that. She said there are boobs in the book but they're illustrated boobs.
Howard asked what her favorite thing to do is. Lena said she loves reading and having a cup of tea at the end of the day. She said that she just read a book called Drunk Mom. She said she thinks Howard would like it. Howard said he doesn't read. He said it's too much work. Lena said her boyfriend is like that. She said that he's more of an audio visual kind of guy. Howard said that you should read.
Howard said Lena is going to have Tan Mom on her show this season. He played a bit they created with Tan Mom audio clips to a scene in Girls. Lena said that was great. She said Tan Mom scared her boyfriend at the birthday bash. Lena said that she had a great time at that party. She said it was so inspiring. Lena said she wants to be like Howard Stern when she grows up. She said Howard looked really happy that night too. Howard said he was. He said it was a fun night. Howard asked who was at her table. Lena said Ryan Phillippe was there. Heidi Klum was there but she was doing her own thing. She said Jemima Kirke was there and some other people including the guy who introduced her to Howard. Sandra Bernhard was there and she saw David Letterman and also met Natalie Maines there too. Howard said she was networking. Lena said she showed up like 10 minutes late and she was freaking out listening to the show on her way there. She said that she didn't want to miss it. She said she loves Beth and she follows her Instagram with the kitten pictures. She said she has to have some kittens. Howard said they can help her out with that. Howard gave her some plugs for the book and went to break a short time later. You can find out more about Lena at LenaDunham.com
Howard came back and said that Melissa Etheridge is there. Howard said that they had to give Melissa time to set up the band. Howard said that it's going to sound really good.
Howard said hello to Melissa. Howard said her band sounds really good. Howard said that she was so good at the Billy Joel thing. Melissa said that was so good. She said Howard did so great with Billy. Howard said she did such a great job with ''Only the Good Die Young.'' Melissa said that's a song she never allowed herself to sing because it was about a girl. She said with Howard she knew Howard would love it. She said that she got naughty with it and did it at home and came up with it for that show. Howard said he thinks that Billy had fun with that too.
Howard said he wants to talk to Melissa about her life a little bit. Howard said she grew up in Levinworth, Kansas. Howard said her dad was a high school teacher. Her mom was a civil servant working with the army. Howard said Melissa knew she wanted to be a musician at 8 years old. Howard asked if she's an underrated guitar player. Melissa said she is. Howard said she's a really good guitar player. Howard asked why she's not recognized enough for that. Melissa said she didn't recognize it herself for a long time. She said about 5 years ago she decided that she would step up and get better and learn more. She said she didn't know she could get better at things after 40. She said you can though. Melissa said she didn't believe in herself and now she's stepped up and she's doing that.
Howard said she plays piano too. Howard asked if she thought lead guitar was for men. Melissa said she did. She said that it's a masculine thing. She said she can get masculine though. Howard said it's funny to him that she's so open to her life and she was afraid to take on that lead guitar player thing. Melissa said that the last 10 years is when she finally stepped up. She said she had to really learn to do it. She said Pete Thorne taught her. She said he was so generous. Howard asked if it's hard to ask someone to help her. Melissa said not at all. She said that's life. She said that she wants to get better at things in her life.
Howard said Melissa's dad would drive her to gigs when she was starting out. Melissa said she was in a talent show at 11 and then the band Chuck Hammersmith and the Wranglers asked her to come sing at 11. She said she would do that for the first hour and then she joined a cover band. Howard asked if her friends knew she was going to be a superstar. She said no one is surprised today. She said they all say they knew it was going to happen.
Howard asked when she started writing songs. She said she was doing that at 11 but the songs were horrible. Howard said she got right into the record business too. She said that didn't happen until she was 26 or 27. Melissa said she went to a music college in Boston in 1979. She said she was the only girl in the guitar class. She said she didn't quite finish the second semester. She said she got a job at a restaurant so she was making money and her dad was fine with that.
Howard said Melissa went to a record company called Olivia and she was rejected. Melissa said that she was and she figured they knew that she was a lesbian. Howard said she ended up playing lesbian bars after that. Melissa said there was no place to play so she was with a girl and she ended up in a bar with a piano. She said she created a job for herself and played from like 5 to 9.
Howard asked if she ever had her parents asking when she was going to start making it. Melissa said that she had people enjoying her music at the club and she enjoyed doing that for them.
Howard said she had her first album release and it did okay. She said it was doing okay on the rock stations. Howard said she recorded the album and she thought it was shit. She said someone else said it was shit. She said that she went back in and re recorded it and that's the album that lives on to this day. Howard asked what song was the big one for her. She said ''Come To My Window'' was her big one. She said that was her fourth album though. She said she had a nice following by then.
Howard asked if she has ever been with a guy. She said she went through a phase. Howard jokingly said that's disgusting. Melissa said that she was with a guy who was a graphic designer and he thought that he could convert her. Howard asked if she made love to him. Melissa said that she would say that she's still a member of the church. She said that it didn't work with him. She said it was very awkward. Howard said that's what they call a gold star lesbian. He said she's never been with a man. Howard asked if her parents were okay with this. She said her mom was okay with it because she was okay with it. She said she told her dad the news and he said as long as she was happy then he was fine with it. Howard asked if they suspected it. She said she thinks they did.
Howard said when you're in Kansas you have to keep that quiet. She said in the 70s and 80s you did. Robin asked what she did in high school. She said she went to prom with her friend Maurice who did her hair. She said they had fun just dancing at the prom. She said there was a guy she liked in high school but not in a sexual way.
Howard said that she would have liked to have been with him since he's like a woman. Howard said it's as close as she could get to being with a woman.
Howard said Melissa had the hit with ''Come To My Window'' and she had no idea that it was any good. She almost didn't put that song on her album. Melissa said that she didn't think anyone would know what she meant with the lyrics. Melissa said that she was with her partner Julie at the time. They had a child together too and David Crosby was the sperm donor. Howard said that he would think that he wouldn't want to be involved in that. Melissa said that she didn't want him to have to be a parent. She said that he signed a legal paper saying that he wasn't involved legally. Howard asked if he was the first one she asked to donate. She said he was. Howard said that has to be kind of hard to do. He said that it has to be hard to find a guy to be a sperm donor. Melissa said it is and you have to ask them not to be involved with the kids. She said that they do know him as the ''Bio-Dad'' now though.
Howard asked if she thinks that the music thing is a genetic thing. Melissa said she's not sure about that. She said that things are good so far though. Julie is the one who got pregnant. Melissa said that David's wife was the one who suggested that he should be the donor. Howard said it's a very loving thing to do. Robin asked if he had to go into a room. Melissa said that David and Jan took care of it and then she took it and put it in Julie. Melissa said he brought it over in a paper bag. She said that she made love to Julie and then she put it in. Howard said she must have used a turkey baster. Melissa said she actually used a syringe thing. She said that it's a little technical. Melissa said that she had Julie orgasm and then put it in. She said that helps with the pregnancy. Howard asked if it worked after one shot. She said it did actually. Howard said that a lot of people don't know how that works.
Howard said the kids are great and they go visit their Bio Dad once in a while. Melissa said that Julie was adopted and she wanted her kids to know who their father was. Howard asked if she gets along with Julie. Melissa said she has to. She said both of her ex's she gets along with.
Howard asked Melissa about ''Come To My Window'' and what that's about. Melissa explained it to Howard what she was writing about. Howard said that she listened back to it and she didn't like it. Melissa said she thought it was just okay. She said she had a friend who told her that was the song that she should use. She said that he was an entertainment guy at William Morris. Howard said her song ''I'm the Only One'' and that was a big hit for her too. Melissa said that one really is the one for her. She said that one came to her pretty quickly too.
Howard said that they're going to perform ''Come To My Window'' now. They went right into the song. After the performance Howard said that was good. He and Robin just said ''Wow!'' after they were done. Howard said this is some band. Howard said he was thinking that he wanted David Crosby's sperm in him during that song. Howard asked if she's in love with any of the backup singers. Melissa said that they are beautiful but there is no romance there.
Howard said the band is terrific. Howard said they have a good look too. Howard said that has to be important to her. Melissa said it's not important to her but she lucked out with that. She said they love playing music. She said that Jerry there is from the Fugees. She said that he produced a few tracks on the new record. She introduced some of the other people in the band and one of the women wrote ''Empire State of Mind'' with Alicia Keys.
Howard asked if Melissa does anything to take care of her voice. Melissa said that it's just a matter of staying in good health. She said her diet and sleep and exercise are what keep it sounding good. Howard asked if she thought she was dying when she was diagnosed with cancer. Melissa said she was going through a big spiritual change and she wasn't afraid of dying. She said that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and her doctor showed her the double mastectomy that she had. She said that she told her that she was going to be fine other than that part of it. She said she had a lumpectomy but that's the worst of it. She said her breasts are now a little uneven and that's it.
Howard said it has to be a drag to lose her hair after Chemo. Melissa said it was a drag. She said that it kicks you in the teeth when you're already down. Melissa said she wasn't sure if she wanted to perform at the time but she ended up doing it bald.
Howard asked about the Chemo and how that was. She said it wasn't good. She said they gave her this stuff that they said would bring her as close to death as she could get.
Howard said that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy to be proactive with breast cancer and Melissa said that wasn't the courageous thing to do. Melissa said that when cancer comes into someone's life you have your own personal choice about how you're going to hold it. She said that she has the same gene that Angelina has. She said that you have to turn that gene on and it's not guaranteed to turn on. She said that she would suggest just waiting and seeing if it happens. Melissa said that it's a fearful thing to do that double mastectomy. She said she cut off healthy tissue. She said she understands the fear but she doesn't think she'd do that. Howard asked if that's why Brad Pitt isn't friendly with her anymore. Melissa said she hasn't spoken to him since he went off with her. She said things can change when you get together with someone.
Howard said that Melissa is with another woman now and she writes for Nurse Jackie. Howard asked if it's tough to get into another relationship after what she's been through. Melissa said that Linda was her best friend and she had never had a best friend like that before. She said it was very Platonic and she enjoyed that. Howard asked if she was there to comfort her. Melissa said that was it. She said she found herself in the house with her and she asked her to come live with her and help her with the kids. Howard said that's incredible that she did that. Melissa said that she was her best friend. She said that they were very close. She said once she and Tammy broke up then she said that she felt things. Howard asked if she ever felt attracted to her before that. Melissa said she did not. She said that she didn't allow herself to feel that way.
Howard asked what she thought when she heard this from Linda. She said that she lived there for a long time and they never did anything. Howard said she must have gone to her bed at some point. Melissa said that she remembers Linda saying ''Well, dear...'' when she was looking for something one night. She said that she started thinking maybe she could do this. She said things got better and better. Melissa said that they both agreed to kiss each other eventually and that happened by the fire. Howard said that she must have a lot of dough. Melissa said that she was the first person to ever buy her a car.
Howard said that Melissa has a new album out and it's called ''This is M.E.''. Howard said he forgot to ask her about coming out to the public at Bill Clinton's inauguration. Howard asked if there was a game plan for that. Melissa said there was not. She said she was out to everyone personally. She said she had 3 albums out and she started doing interviews and one guy changed what she said to make it seem like she was with a man. She said she decided to come out and just say she was gay.
Melissa said that Bill Clinton hit on Julie. She said he was a rock star back then. She said it was actually before the inauguration that he did that. She said that it was an obvious thing. She said that Warren Beatty also hit on Julie. She said some men just don't get it.
Howard said that the new album is available now. He said the new song is called Monster. He said that it was written about him. Melissa said it's not actually. She said that the UN had a meeting that she attended and she was on her way back from that when she wrote the song. Melissa said they had the music track and she wrote the song on the way back. She said that it's about her being a monster full of desire and love. Howard had them perform that song next. They went right into ''Monster'' and after the song Howard said he loves the bass line and the slide guitar. Melissa played more of that for him. Howard asked how many strings he has on his bass. The guy said he has 5 on that one. He said he has some with 7. Howard Melissa's guitar is really nice too. She said it is a very expensive one. She said it's about $2000. Howard said they really looked like they enjoyed playing that song. Melissa said they did have fun.
Howard asked if Melissa has confidence playing slide guitar. She said she is kind of nervous but she loves doing it. Howard said she is some talent. Howard asked if she feels like she's being judged when she writes a new song. She said she does but her guide is how much she's looking forward to seeing the fans enjoy it. Howard said the live shows must be great based on what he saw there today.
Robin said that Melissa brought something to female performers. Robin said that in the front of a band there has to be a great commander. Robin said that she is that. She said she owns that whole thing. Howard said he's just happy she didn't spill one drop of David's sperm. Howard said that it is hard to front a band.
Howard went through the band introducing each of the band members. Howard said he should go see her in concert. Howard said you can find out more about her tour dates at MelissaEtheridge.com Howard wrapped up and wished them luck with the new album. Howard went to break after that. They played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a funeral director about setting up a funeral for their clown grandfather.
Howard said this web site EmptyLighthouse.com has a headline that says he's going to quit America's Got Talent. Howard said he's not sure where they got that. Howard said he never said he was quitting. He said if he was quitting he would say that he was quitting. Howard said the headline is wrong there. Howard said the fans will be the first to know there if he does decide to quit.
Howard said that people are having trouble getting through on the phones. He said they're trying to fix the system. He said it's hit the entire Sirius building apparently. Howard said it might be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. Howard said it's time for some news now.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody by Psych. Robin started her news with a story about Prince putting out two new albums. Howard said he loves Prince but he saw that concert where he refused to turn the lights on and now he's kind of glad he can't write a hit song. Robin had some clips from the new albums and had Howard play those. Howard said he's not sure who has the time to listen to new songs. He said he finds himself listening to stuff he already knows. Robin said she likes what she hears. She said she would listen to this album. Howard said what he needs is some of that David Crosby sperm. Howard said he read that he's 56 years old now. Howard said he was reading about a teacher who was seducing students too. Robin said she's going to get to that today.
Robin read a story about Walmart fighting back in the Tracy Morgan lawsuit. Robin said they're blaming him for not wearing a seat belt. Howard said he was reading in the paper today that Tracy might never work again. Robin said they say he has a severe brain injury from this. Howard said he hopes that's just posturing. Howard said he reached out privately to Tracy and he never heard back from him. He said he understands that though. Robin said he's working with a speech therapist daily now. Howard said Walmart shouldn't make statements like that. Howard said people should wear their seat belts but it's a ridiculous thing for Walmart to say that it was his fault. Howard said it's a cold statement. Robin said that there is going to be damage when a truck slams into a bus. Howard said he still can't believe that school buses don't have seat belts. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said it was when he was a kid. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said Melissa Etheridge was awesome. Howard said yesterday they said they might change Jeff's name to Jeff the Bore and the songs started rolling in. Howard played one of the examples. Howard said he thinks that name is going to stick. Jeff said he can't change his name. Howard said he can too. Jeff said he's going to change Howard's name to Richard the Dick. Howard said he loves that he's fighting it. Howard said not everyone can like their name. Howard said it was funny when Eric the Actor hated his name Eric the Midget. Howard said Jeff likes his name too much. He said he thinks it has to be Jeff the Bore. Jeff said he can't do that, seriously. Robin said they should try it today. Jeff didn't like that. He said that's not even funny. Howard said maybe Jeff the One Armed Bore. Howard said Jeff the Bore is good. Howard said it will be good for Jeff when he calls because people will expect a boring call. He said if he has a good call he won't live up to his name. Jeff told Howard to have a good fucking weekend, bastards! Howard let Jeff the Bore go after that. Jeff told him to have a nice weekend.
Robin said that Alice cooper has a new album out. Howard said he's liking this music news cast she's doing today. Howard played some of the song Alice put out which was a cover of ''Eleanor Rigby.'' Howard said it sounds exactly like The Beatles version. Howard said he likes Alice Cooper a lot. He said he has some great songs.
Robin read that Malcolm Young from AC/DC is suffering from dementia. Howard said he heard about that from Meg Griffin. Howard said they were in his movie Private Parts and they were delightful to deal with. Howard said they were great. Howard said it's very sad to hear the news. Robin said Malcolm is now in a nursing home receiving care.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Page talking about how it doesn't look like a Led Zeppelin reunion is going to happen. Robin said that Jimmy and Robert Plant have been exchanging words through the media and it doesn't look likely. Howard said he feels bad or Jimmy. He said Robert Plant just won't cooperate. Howard said he thinks that Plant's voice has changed a lot and he may not be up for the Zeppelin stuff. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are still getting along and Chris made an appearance at a party for her. Howard said they're supposed to hate each other. Howard asked what's wrong with them.
Robin read a story about Michael Phelps being arrested for driving under the influence. Howard said he drinks like a fish and swims like a fish. Robin said he was allegedly going 80 in a 40 MPH zone. Howard said that he'd be drinking too if he was in a sport he could only do every 4 years. Howard said he's like Aquaman. He said he has super powers in the ocean and then gets into trouble on land. Howard said all of these swimmers are nuts.
Robin read a story about Amanda Bynes getting into some trouble too. Robin said that she was arrested on a DUI as well.
Howard said that the season finale of Ray Donovan was great. Howard said he loves Liev Schreiber and Jon Voight. Robin said that Hank Azaria is great in it too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Ebola has reached the United States. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how someone traveling there from Liberia was diagnosed with Ebola. Robin said they say he didn't have symptoms when he boarded the plane. It's been confirmed that he has it now. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how it reminds them of the show ''The Strain.'' Robin said the only problem she has with that show is the Master. She said that face is too fake and rubbery looking.
Robin said they are saying that the EMS crew that took the Ebola victim to the hospital will have to be quarantined. Robin said that Ebola is spread by bodily fluids. Robin said it can be sweat on your arms. Howard said this hand shaking thing has to stop. He said he hates it. Robin said she was watching Ali G Rezurection and he's very picky about his fist bumping. Howard said that he has to make it like the hand shaker isn't the cool one.
Robin read a story about another breach in the secret service. Robin said that the president ended up in an elevator with an armed man. Robin said that they didn't know it until the man turned over his gun. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she wants Howard to do the pros and cons for AGT. Howard said he's actually in the middle of doing that. Mariann said that she's both a pro and a con for being there at AGT. Howard let her go after that.
Robin read about a Brooklyn Tech teacher who was inappropriate with some of his female students. Robin said they say that one girl got an A for handing in a blank sheet of paper. Howard said that they say that guy has a brother who is on Ray Donovan. Howard read through the list of things that this guy is accused of. He took a 15 year old to a nude beach an gave her vodka and whiskey until she passed out at his house. Howard said that he is accused of doing other things with that girl. Howard said this guy is a math teacher. He said you never hear about a math teacher doing this. Howard read more of the things this guy is accused of and they say he never touched the underage girls. Howard said he took one student to a gay bar where he had her watch him get serviced by another dude. Howard said this guy is all over the place. Robin said one of the students said that he was always befriending the prettiest girls in the school. Howard said he sent full frontal photos to students. Howard said they also say he had porn on his computer including bestiality stuff. Howard said he heard in his high school that one of the teachers married one of his students. Howard said he's not sure if that's true. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about ISIS letting women take training to be suicide bombers. Robin said one of the reasons they said they wanted to do that was because life is hell. Robin said there are some women recounting their experiences under the watch of that terrorist group. Robin said they were beaten, tortured and raped. Robin said they were forced to watch videos of beheadings too. Howard said they're really into that beheading thing. Robin said some of the girls did commit suicide because of that. Robin said one girl tried and failed and they made her suffer for that. Robin said that after doing all of that to the girls the men in ISIS would sit down and pray. Howard said it's such a weird thing.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he's watching Gotham. Howard said he had no interest in seeing the show without Batman but he thinks the show is excellent. Howard said he loves the show. Speech asked who the black chick is. Howard said that's Jada Pinkett Smith. Speech said he knows that but he's not sure who she plays. Howard said she's a crime kingpin. Howard said it's pretty easy to figure out. Howard said if TV is too complicated for you then you know you're in trouble. Howard said that character was created just for her. Howard said he might have to name Speech Impediment Bore. He hung up and played him out with his theme song.
Robin read a story about the mayor of a town who was shot and killed. He was fighting with his wife and the son got involved and the Mayor was shot.
Robin read a story about a class you can take that will teach people about Beyonce's business plan. Howard said most people in show business aren't great business people. He said some of them are just hot and that's why they're famous. Robin said one of the richest people in China makes dildos. Howard said that's a businessman.
Robin read a story about a University of Virginia student who has bee missing for a few weeks. Robin said that they have a man in custody and they have died him to the death of someone else from a few years ago.
Robin read a story about police in Arkansas finding the body of a real estate agent. Robin said that they have a suspect in the case but he claims that he kidnapped her but didn't kill her.
Robin read about it being Breast Cancer Awareness month. Howard said he used to check breasts but he stopped because he wants to stay married. Robin said that's a good reason. Howard said he doesn't think he discovered one lump. Howard said he probably wasn't qualified.
Robin said that Chris Brown shoved a fan at a club. Robin said that she tried to touch him and Brown shoved her. Robin said that she may have deserved it just for still being a fan of Chris Brown. Robin said he claims that she tried to kiss him at a club and she was being a drunk fan. Robin said the woman believes it was excessive to push her like that.
Robin read that P. Diddy is weighing in on J-Lo's music video where she shows her ass. Robin had some audio of Diddy talking about how it was a work of art. Robin said he was gushing about how great it was and how he thinks Kim Kardashian's ass isn't even in the league of J-Lo's. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
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Jon said this was a long time coming. He asked if it went the way she expected. She said she was excited and not nervous. She said she felt he was kind of mellower than she thought he would be. Gary asked what it was that kept her from doing the show. She said in 1993 she came out and Howard interviewed Lou Diamond Phillips. Lou was Julie's ex and he skewered Lou. She said that she stayed away for a while because it was so intense. She said that time went by and that's it.
Gary said he could swear that he saw her in 1987 or 88 and she was nominated in a category with some other women and she cracked a joke saying they should rename it ''They might be lesbians.'' She didn't remember doing that.
Melissa said that she remembers her manger saying that being gay was fine as long as she wasn't out there waving the flag. Jon said that it shouldn't matter what your sexual proclivity is as long as you put out good music.
Jon said that Melissa talked about her guitar playing and how she's doing the lead guitar thing now. Gary asked if it makes her insane when she hears all of the Autotune stuff now. Melissa said that it kind of does. She said she wrote an OpEd piece and she wrote about how she thinks that people like to hear the human voice live and there artists who sing to their track. She said it's lip syncing to a show. She said that she thinks people love people who sing live.
Gary said that Howard lives for a person like her who can sing like that. He said it's even bigger when it's 8 in the morning. Melissa said that she just thinks of it as being 5 o'clock at night.
Jon said that what's so refreshing is that there's nowhere to hide. Gary said the song is really good. Jon said she must get people asking her to play the old stuff. He said that her playing the new stuff must carry that through. Melissa said she still loves playing the old stuff. She said she loves to look out and see people knowing the song. She said she hopes the new song will catch them in that way. She said she wants to sing ''Monster'' forever. Gary said that he loved the energy she has with her band. Melissa said she loves what she does.
Jon said the story about what went down with Bill Clinton and Julie was amazing. Melissa said that she'll be attached to that inauguration forever because she came out there.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about the David Crosby thing. Jon played another one where Melissa talked about the syringe she used to inject Crosby's sperm into Julie.
Melissa said that she never got into that kind of detail before. Gary said that David has never done the show and they should get him in there. Melissa said that she thinks David would love to do the show.
Jon asked what the band brings that gets her going. Melissa said that it's kind of like sex. She said it can be fun by yourself but when you bring other people in it can be even more fun. Melissa said that she won't say she likes one better than the other. She said that she can play longer with a band. She said it's kind of like that sex thing again.
Gary said he saw Melissa do a show with Bruce Springsteen once. She said she did that and it blew her mind. Jon said she blew it out of the park with the Billy Joel thing too. Jon said that whole day was great.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she is a big fan of Melissa's. She said when she was a young, wee lesbian she remembers seeing her do a rendition of ''Come On Baby Drive My Car'' and it was great. She asked if she has any dream duets that she'd like to do. Melissa said that she has thought about singing with Steven Tyler. Gary said that they might have a spot for that. He said that he will keep that in the back of his head because he's working on some things.
Gary said he came to know her music from hearing it in strip clubs. He said the strippers love her music. He said one stripper told him that her music is so empowering and she loved dancing to it.
Jon asked Melissa about Howard and how she became a fan. She said that Howard was truthful in the 80s and that's what they needed. She said that he's kept doing that all this time.
Gary said just being able to express yourself the way you can there is such a big change. Gary said that Lena Dunham was able to talk the way she wanted to today and she just wanted to say something with the word fuck in it. He said she didn't have to do that but that's the way people talk. Melissa said that's the way you want to say something sometimes. She said you just want to express yourself that way.
Jon asked Melissa about coming out. Melissa said that it was a breath of fresh air for some people. She said it's happening everywhere now.
Gary asked about how Juliette Lewis ended up in her video. Melissa said that she's had all of Brad Pitt's ex's in her videos. She said she met Juliette through Brad. She said that she was bouncing off the walls in that video. He said that she was just insane.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that song she did today was amazing. He asked what she's doing to keep her voice the way it is. Melissa said that it's actually just keeping her body in shape. She said that she is what she eats. She said if she eats crappy food then it will cause problems with her voice. Melissa said that she never smoked and she never drank a lot. She said that it's also sleep. She said that can be hard on her voice.
Jon said that they had Lenny Kravitz on the show last week and they were talking about where rock and roll is. Jon said he thinks rock will come back but it's important to listen to music like Melissa's. Melissa said rock is a feeling. She said it's hard to say what rock and roll is. She said that she and Prince are at number one and number 2 on the rock charts and you wonder if Prince is really rock or not. She said it's all about the feel. She said she believes that it will swing back to rock eventually.
Jon asked if Melissa where people can check her out. She got in a plug for her album which is available now. They went to break after that.
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Jon said Lena Dunham came in today too. He said that she's the epitome of coolness. Gary said she can do no wrong to her fans. Gary said that something will happen and they will tear her down. Gary said that he thinks she'll be around for a long, long time though. He said he and his wife are huge fans of ''Girls.''
Jon said that Lena doesn't hide behind anything. He said that she just admits her mistakes and deals with them. Gary asked if Jon saw the mayor drop the groundhog that later died. Jon said he did. Gary said the zoo tried to cover it up and make it a different groundhog. He said the cover up is always worse than the true story.
Jon said that Howard and Lena were talking about their OCD problems. Jon said that Howard had to read copy twice and work a word in twice. He said that had to be tough for him. Gary said he didn't know that Lena had OCD. He said he knew she had it on the show but not in real life. Gary said he also didn't know how it manifested itself in Howard but there were times when Howard would lay down on the floor because his back pain was so bad. He said his dad used to have a piece of plywood in between his mattress and box spring. He said he probably could have used Dr. Sarno back then too.
Jon said that the OCD thing is hard to deal with. Gary said that she said that she knew what she was doing was insane. Gary said he's had a touch of OCD with his desk at work. He said the difference is that he doesn't think he's going to die. He said he just wants his stuff where he put it.
Jon played a clip of Lena talking about her OCD problems. Jon asked if leaving the house and wondering if you left the garage door open is OCD. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that OCD makes you check things repeatedly.
Jon said that Lena feels guilty saying no to people. He said Howard has gotten better with that but it's hard for him. Gary said it's not any easier but he has to do it so he has time for himself. He said that Howard will labor over it if he does say no. Gary said that Howard said that he should have written the foreword to his book but he never asked him to. He said that he had a conversation with the publisher and they didn't pressure him to get that done. He said the only people giving him pressure were the fans. Gary said Howard feels bad about a lot of things but he can't feel bad over that.
Jon asked if anyone on the staff asked to be on Girls. Gary said no one did but he can imagine Sal asking to be on it. He said he doesn't even watch the show. Gary said he doesn't think they could squeeze him in on that show because there aren't many people his age on there other than the father. Jon said he's sure they could squeeze him in somehow. They went to break after that.
Jon said that High Pitch Eric called in from the hospital today. He said Howard didn't want to lose another Eric and he was trying to give him advice on his diet. Jon said that he doesn't think Eric is a dumb guy but he is lazy with some stuff. He said with this he may not realize that he's going to get something he doesn't want and he's not going to be on the planet anymore. He said he's not sure what he has to do to get better. Gary said there are a lot of expectations there. He said that Orson Wells wasn't able to lose weight and he was brilliant.
Gary said that he started to realize that these guys are people and they're not going to be around forever. He said he can't take the chicken wing out of Eric's hand. He said that Howard asked if he can have a bag of chips and he said no. Gary said if they called him now he might have a different answer. Jon said he wishes he had someone in his life that could help him.
Shuli said they've had this conversation with him for years now. He said they tell him that he's slowly killing himself. He said he has a child mentality about it. He said he doesn't take it serious.
Gary said that Jason was going through some pictures and he couldn't find a picture of Eric. He realized that he's gotten so much bigger that he wasn't looking for the big fat guy in the pictures.
Shuli said that you can have a conversation with Eric and he's all there. He said he really isn't that slow. Gary said he has to give Mariann from Brooklyn kudos. He said she takes care of these guys. Gary said if Eric died in his apartment he doesn't think anyone would find him if Mariann wasn't calling to check up on him. He said she really cares. Jon said that is her nature and she does care about these guys. Shuli said that she got Eric a job in the past.
Gary said that Mariann checks in on Jeff the Bore too. He said that if she wasn't doing that and he died they may not know about it until someone smelled the body.
Jon asked if Eric will change anything. Shuli said no way. Gary agreed. Jon said if he doesn't change then he won't be around for much longer. He said he has to change. Gary said it won't even register to try. He said there has to be a physical thing that he has to feel constantly. That way he knows he has to make a change to make the pain go away.
Jon had Shuli give them his Howard 100 News headlines for the day. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today. Jon wrapped up and had the guys get in their plugs before ending the show. They were done around 11:05am.
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Jon said that Sal has had a choking problem lately. Sal said he doesn't know what's going on. He said it may have to do with the change of seasons. Gary said that Jon has had issues off the air too. Gary said what they do in the morning is tell Howard what they have and then Jon will have to clear his throat. Jon said he thought maybe he caught that from Gary.
Sal said he tries to fight through it but then that phlegm is ready to rape you. He said then you choke on it and it throws a monkey wrench into the whole mix. Jon asked if it's a conscious thing. Sal said it was 10 seconds in that it just appeared when he went into this studio this week.
Gary said something happened in the 90s when his nose was whistling and Howard heard it. He said he was on him for 3 days about that. Gary said he used to go behind Howard to hang stuff up for him to read. He said one day Howard said he smelled something weird. He said he used a different shampoo that day and Howard flipped out about it. He told him not to use it ever again.
Gary said Howard smelled something this week. It was a food smell. Jon said they thought it was Benjy and someone looked under Benjy's area to see if there was anything there. He said nothing ever came out of that but it did freak everyone out.
Gary said when they were at one studio they must have been connected to an Italian restaurant. He said the smell would come in as they were doing the show. He said it wasn't the worst thing in the world but it was noticeable.
Sal said he remembers Gary keeping someone out of the studio because he was drenched in cologne. He said the guy eventually learned his lesson.
JD said he's always evaluated in there. He said that he used to get called out about his breath. He said he learned to chew gum and eat mints and stuff. Gary said it used to be uncomfortable for them because he had bad breath but they liked him so they didn't tell him. They told Howard so Howard could tell him on the air. Jon said Howard doesn't like to do that sometimes.
Jon asked how JD handled that. JD said that Jason came to him off the air and told him. He said that he heard jokes about it and he didn't know his breath was that bad. Sal asked if the stuff he gave him helped. JD said not the stuff he gave him but something similar. Sal said he uses Therabreath. He said they advertise with them. Sal said that his wife used to complain about his breath and he started doing that. He said he would brush his teeth and she still complained. Sal said after a while he thought maybe it was just an excuse. Sal said it's a build up of bacteria that causes bad breath. He said the Therabreath really seems to have helped because his wife doesn't complain anymore.
Jon said Richard used to not brush his teeth at all. Sal said he drinks a lot of alcohol so maybe that's what does it. Jon said he might be right.
Jon asked Sal how he got rid of the smell when he smoked. Sal said he used to carry surgical gloves in his pocket. He would put them on when he smoked so the smell wouldn't get on his hands. He said he would go out on the street and smoke with the gloves on. He said he carried around a packet of wet wipes too. He said he had a whole ritual with all of that. He said he took Listerine tabs as well.
Gary asked if his car ever smelled of smoke. Sal said he kept the window open and he'd keep his cigarette out the window. Jon asked if he smoked with the gloves in the car. Sal said he would put the glove on and then smoke. He said then the gloves started to stink. He said he actually had a glove in a sandwich bag to keep the smell in the bag. Jon said his routines are insane. He said that's a lot of work to smoke a cigarette.
Gary said that he's done stupid shit like that. He said he used to take Jackson out at a year and a half old and he would leave the radio on and get out and go smoke where he couldn't see him. He said one time he was at the mall and he was squatting down behind the car to smoke. He said he remembers feeling that smoke adhered to his fingers less in the brutal cold than in the warm weather. He said it was a whole job to smoke.
Jon said Scott is smoking again so they have to call about him. Gary said he recorded one of the best songs ever, ''Brown Fingers.'' Jon asked if anyone has ever noticed Scott smelling like smoke yet. Sal said he did. He said he told him he smells like a Turk. Gary asked what that means. Sal said Turkish people are chain smokers. He said that means you're a smoker. Jon said he's never heard that expression before. Sal said that you can ask anyone from Turkey and they all smoke like crazy over there.
Jon said they should get Scott the Turkish down there to talk about this. He said Scott isn't quitting. He said it must give him some alleviation of stress. Gary said he started to get reports about Scott smoking quite a while ago. He said that he didn't think they were real. He didn't want to throw him under the bus. Then it was obvious that he didn't care. Gary said he was smoking in front of the building so he obviously didn't care.
Jon said that someone who is down and out right now is High Pitch Eric. He said that Howard has given him the lecture like he's given it to him and JD. Jon said that he doesn't think that he's getting the message and he needs to do something. He said Eric has to do something and commit to it. Sal said he has a great friend with Joey Boots and he thinks that he could help him. Gary said Joey could lose a few pounds himself. Sal said he still gets around okay though. Sal said he'd hate to see Eric go.
Gary said he hates to sound like an old bastard but when he was a kid everything is geared toward fat people getting fatter. He said everything is doubled and everything is super sized. Sal said no one is shoving it down your throat. Gary said Eric isn't the brightest guy and when you see you can buy a macaroni and cheese for a dollar he's going to buy that over something healthy. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked why it is that he blames. Dominic for everything. Sal said he wishes they all had someone they could blame like that.
Sal said they did a show with Beet once and they lost him for an hour. He said they looked all over for him and they ended up finding him 6 blocks away talking to a hot dog vendor. He said Beetlejuice had ketchup and mustard all over his face.
Jon said that Beetlejuice is one of the guys that seems like he'll be around for a long time. Gary said he thinks they should take Beetlejuice and stick him in the middle of a mall and see what he does. He said you think that people would ask to help him but he thinks that they'd just leave him. Gary said he'd just wander around the mall and do things in the stores. Gary said they were talking about what he does on an airline. He said he'd like to see how people react to him. Gary said he you see him walking around all alone you might want to help him but he thinks most people would just ignore him.
Jon said Jim McClure told him that a few years ago they got calls about him wandering around Penn Station and they ended up calling his mom who said she was glad they found him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice isn't the king of the Wack Pack. He said the real one is Sal. Sal said he's a functioning Wack Packer. Gary said Sal was a regular caller who spilled into Wack Packer territory at times. Jon asked if it's safe to call him a Wack Packer. Sal said that it is. He said he thinks that there are things that he did that would make him a Wack Packer. He said he did stuff like the Lighting of the Teeth and things like that. He said he's not offended by being called a Wack Packer.
Gary asked if Sal was ever affiliated with anyone in the Wack Pack. Sal said he got his first call from Joey Boots when he did the Lighting of the Teeth. He said he though that was really cool. He said once you get a taste of that it's over. He said it's hard to shake and it becomes a bit of an obsession. Jon asked if he ever thought he'd be working with Gary every day. Sal said he never thought he would.
Gary said that the second Sal walked in there he said he wanted to contribute and he wanted to know how to help the organization. He said he went home and told his wife that he thought Sal was a good guy. He said his wife told him he was nuts. Gary said it was more like he really wanted the job and he had a passion for it.
Jon said Sal has really knocked it out of the park since he started. Gary asked what he did to get the job there. Sal told them what he did and there were some really great bits he did. Sal said on the third day Howard looked at him like he was wondering if this was the same Sal he thought it was. He said he thinks he earned his respect. Sal said Howard told him that he pitched him just to make fun of Gary. Sal said he made it a point not to do anything with Gary. Sal said Gary really was the guy who helped him be the best he could be on the show. He said he went to Home Depot and got a bunch of paint swatches. He said that he wanted to get the color of Gary's teeth just right. Gary said he forgets about that but that is a funny bit. Sal said he wants to go to Home Depot and do that again. Sal said Gary sat him down the week after he was hired and asked him to promise that he'd never stop breaking his balls because that's what they love about him. Sal said he always thinks about that at least once a week to this day. Jon said Gary is the one making fun of Sal these days. Sal said he's fine with that too.
Gary said Sal is just a goofy guy. He said he expected something different. Gary said the first time he called Daniel Carver he thought it was some insane monster but he was just some guy living in a cabin in the woods.
Jon asked JD what it was like with Sal when he first got there. JD said he can't remember exactly but he fight right in. JD said Sal and Richard just started working together and it worked. Gary said that the bonding was so immediate and so huge and they became like Woodstein.
Jon said he remembers when Richard stared and he came over to him with that long pony tail and he was asking him about some TV show. He said he asked him to go to lunch with him and he said no thanks. JD said some things never change.
Gary said he remembers meeting Richard for the first time. He said they were doing shows from L.A. and he remembers KC bringing this guy with really long hair up to meet him. He said KC told him to show him who he was and he said ''Hey KC'' with that accent and he just smiled and said it was great to meet him.
Jon had Lisa G give her Howard 100 News headlines. She ran down a few things and that led to Jon asking if they should keep the Jeff the Bore name. Sal said he thinks it should. JD agreed they should keep it. Jon wrapped up the show and ended it around 11:05am.
Gary said he'll come in on a Monday morning to talk about the Jets if they suck or they're good. He said he never hears Richard talk about them unless they're doing well.
Richard said he doesn't get super bummed out even when his teams lose because he gets to go out and drink either way. He said that it's even better if they do win. Jon said he and Richard exchange texts at times and Richard will send him stuff from where he's watching and he'll send Richard something from his couch. He said he is a legitimate fan when it comes to this stuff. He said Howard has talked about teams from time to time but he can't say he's a Giants fan or not. He said he seems to be a New York fan.
Gary said that Howard says what most people think. He isn't interested until the playoffs. He said Howard is mostly a Giants fan and mostly a Mets fan. He said he isn't really attached to any one team. Jon said Howard thinks they're all insane with the amount of time they put into games.
Richard said he partly agrees with that as well but mostly with baseball. He said there are just so many games. He said that he can agree that it's more exciting when you get to the playoffs. Gary said his benchmark for the Mets was to just see them in the playoffs.
Jon said they're going to talk about more of what happened on the show this week. He said that he and Gary are talking baseball now though. Jon said Gary is now hoping for a .500 season with the Mets. Gary said they're guaranteed to do better than that next year with the lineup they'll have. Gary said he didn't know that the Royals hadn't been in the playoffs since 1987. Richard said it's been a long time. He said he went to see them play when he was a kid. He said now it blows his mind to see what's going on. He said he and his dad talk about how well they're doing now. Jon and Gary spent a little more time talking baseball after that.
Jon said Howard talked about Derek Jeter this week. He said Gary had some things to say about that too. He said it was a huge moment for Yankees and Yankee fans. Jon said Jeter isn't perfect though. He said you can't criticize the guy. Gary said he thinks he's done everything right and he's a fan of his. He said that no one is perfect though. Gary said someone sent them an email about what a douche he was for giving Howard the article about Jeter giving his girlfriends gift bags when they leave. Gary said he just gave Howard the article and they don't know if it's true or not. He said that no one has come forward about it but that doesn't make it untrue.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard seems to be a big Knicks fan. He said that's one game he attends. Gary said he does love the Knicks. He said he may not be a huge basketball fan but it is great to sit right there in the front row. He said he has been there with Howard. He said it's like watching a different game. Gary said he thinks Howard appreciates how good they are. He said he doesn't think he goes out of his way to watch games on TV though.
Richard wondered if the players ever miss plays seeing the celebrities on the side. Gary said he thinks they're probably used to seeing that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard will be thinking about Jeff the Drunk becoming Jeff the Bore and also how he's probably going to be thinking about AGT. Gary said he thinks that Howard is spending 101 percent of the time thinking about AGT and minus time spending it thinking about Jeff.
Jon said that a lot of people are in favor of Jeff the Bore. Richard said he made the mistake of letting everyone know that he doesn't want that. He said it's an avalanche from there. Jon said that he will let people know that it bothers him after pretending that it doesn't.
Gary said he thinks Jeff can only be who he is. He said he thinks that they made him more interesting than he ever could be. He said he had better get used to that. Jon said that as soon as Jeff embraces it then Howard will move on to something else.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who the bigger star is in New York City, Howard Stern or Derek Jeter. Gary said he guesses it depends where you are. He said in the commercial where Derek walks in the stadium he's the bigger star. He said if they put Howard and Derek on 6th Ave and walked them to 57th, who would get the bigger crowd. Jon said Howard is very tall so you can see him from anywhere. He asked Richard what he thinks. Richard said if Jeter had his uniform on then it would make it more even. He said they should do it to find out.
Gary said he was walking down the street one day and Eric Clapton, Keith Richards and someone else came out. He said he decided to walk behind them to see what happens. He said he wanted to see what kind of commotion would happen. He said he walked about 3 long avenues and no one even noticed them. He said no one even stopped. Jon said that's normal for New York City. Gary said you'd think they'd notice Keith Richards based on how he's dressed like a pirate.
Richard said he had a similar thing once. He said he was walking down the stairs and Borat came walking up the stairs with the chicken in it. He said he met him on the stairs and didn't want to blow his cover. He said he thought that was the coolest thing ever. Richard said that someone down in the subway asked if they saw Borat. He said he almost said something to Sacha but he didn't want to blow it. He didn't bother him.
Gary said he moved into the city and he saw Nipsy Russell giving someone bike lessons. He said the listeners may have to Google that name. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary said he and Jon talk sports all the time. He asked if he has no right to discuss sports because of his first pitch. Jon said Gary is a story and a part of history with that pitch. Gary said he gets that a lot from fans who say he can't pitch so he has no right. Gary said he loves baseball so that's why it hurts him so bad. Jon asked Gary if he has moved on from that. Gary said he has moved on but he still has a little twinge when he goes to a game. He said he would like to try to redeem himself too. He said he has thought about that but hasn't found the upside yet.
Jon said it could be a no lose situation for Gary. He said that if he went out there and did half decently then he would have redeemed himself. Gary said that he doesn't know if he'd be able to do it unless no one was there.
Jon said Gary was supposed to go out and practice the week before but he wasn't able to do it. Gary asked what would happen if he practiced and still fucked it up. Jon said he could have pitched from in front of the mound or something. Gary said he thought about throwing it from 10 feet away instead but Artie got in his face and told him not to be a fucking pussy. Jon said that things are different now. He said Gary knows what to expect and he knows the worst case scenario. Gary said he wishes he could get his neighbor to get on the phone because he saw him throw the pitch like 50 times. He said he did it just fine those 50 times.
Richard said he would love to see Gary do it again. He said that he thinks that Howard might bring in a crowd to rib him the next day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Jeter would win in that Howard vs. Jeter thing. He said there are a lot of older and younger people who would know Jeter. He also told Gary that it was surprising that he wasn't able to get it over the plate. He said he'd like to see him try it again. Gary said he thinks that he would be right about the grandmothers and little kids thing with Howard a few years ago but now that he's on AGT things are different. He said kids and grandmothers know Howard now.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon about how he feels as a sports fan. He said his teams are all losing. Jon said he knows exactly how he's feeling. Jon and the caller spent a little time talking about those teams.
Gary asked Bobo if he's a hypochondriac. Bobo said he might be. Jon said he doesn't sound very happy down there either. Bobo said he can't get a good signal on his phone down there. He said he's been trying but he can't get one. Gary said maybe he can get a land line. Bobo said he could do that. He said he tends to be out with the phone though. Jon asked if he heard when Howard said he was thinking about moving to Florida. Bobo said that would be great.
Jon asked what Bobo expected when he moved down there. Bobo said he was used to all of his friends up north. He said they're fine down there but everyone is doing their thing. He said it's dangerous down there with the animals there. He said they just killed 2 vipers on his property down there. He said they also caught a huge alligator there. He said they have black panthers down there too. Gary asked if it's the militants or the animals. Bobo said he feels like he's living in Africa there. Bobo said that he was so used to calling in from the dock up there that he can't get used to being down there. He said there are dangerous things down there.
Bobo said that he had to run back to his car when an alligator started to come out of the water on the boat ramp at the lake he goes to. He said he goes to the trails there but you have to watch what comes out from the trails.
Gary asked if this is a legitimate fear or is it a city slicker thing. Jon said it might be a mix of both things. Jon said Richard lived down there. Richard asked if he's living in a zoo or something. He said that he never encountered anything like that. He said he had a pet raccoon that he had near him but that was about it. Bobo said they have bears down there too. Richard said the worst thing was the cockroaches down there. He said that he never encountered any animals. Bobo said the lizards are all over too. He said that they say that whenever a swamp is there are alligators. He said you just have to watch. He said he had a guy who lost his dog when he threw something into a lake and the dog jumped in to get it. He said an alligator got it.
Jon said Bobo is in a big town and he's not in the wilderness. Bobo said that's true but there are still things around there.
Jon said that Bobo might want to look into that land line thing. He said that might help him out. Bobo said he's going to call from the Bobo Shrine. He said he just resurrected that. Jon said he can close the door in there and call in without the animals around him. Jon let Bobo go and went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Mike Hambrick if he's heard about black panthers being in Florida. Mike said there are panthers down there. He said his brother used to live down there and there were incidence's of panthers killing dogs in neighborhoods. Jon said he didn't think they were there. He said he had to apologize to Bobo for not believing that.
Gary asked Jon what the worst thing is where he lives. Jon said they have raccoons and fox. Gary said they have a huge coyote issue up by him. He said sometimes you'll hear them all howling at night. He said it's pretty scary. Gary said sometimes you'll hear them killing something and it's the worst sound. Richard said they had them in Kansas too. He said they used to kill their cats. Richard said they moved to a farmhouse and didn't bring their dogs with them at first. He said the coyotes were all howling outside the farmhouse and it was really scary. Richard said he always worried that the coyotes would cause him to get mange and he'd lose his pony tail to that.
Jon said he thinks their biggest problem is an owl that won't shut up. He said they have woodpeckers too. Gary said he never saw anything but a squirrel until he moved up to where he lives now. He said he won't let his dog out at night alone. He said they all keep a sick near the door to beat the coyotes off. Richard pointed out that he just said ''beat a coyote off'' and laughed like Beavis and Butt-Head.
Richard said the worst thing he ever encountered was his dogs fighting with a skunk under the house. He said the smell was under the living room. He said he was watching Head bangers Ball that night and he got violently ill from the smell. He said the show was like 90 minutes long and he stayed there. He said their teacher got sprayed by a skunk and had to take 2 weeks off for that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they have panthers down there but they are not black panthers. He said they are very rare and there are only about 20 or 30 left. He said they're mostly in the Everglades. He said Bobo saying he's not so stupid might be the wrong thing to say.
Gary said that bobcats look like a cat that was in an accident. Richard said he's seen them. He said they can be really vicious.
Jon asked the caller if he can get good cell phone connection there. The caller said he can. He said he's never heard of a panther going after anyone down there either.
Jon asked Richard what kind of animals his dad has had to deal with. Richard said the worst thing was a huge nest of bumble bees. He said they had to cut the hay and they needed to get rid of them. He said the bees kept surrounding his dad and he got stung like 30 or 40 times. He said it was brutal and very scary. Richard said that he was running and they'd follow him. Jon asked if Richard ever had anything worse than the skunk thing happen. Richard said he was hauling hay once and a snake was sticking out of the bail. He said that it was pissed and it was a water moccasin and it was one of the most freaky things he had ever seen.
Gary asked Richard what that bailing hay thing entails. Richard told Gary about how they cut the hay and they put the hay in bails. Gary said he's seen those. Richard said they have to put them into a barn so they hire high school kids to stack them. He said they give you like 5 cents per bail to move. He said it's the hardest work he's ever had to do. He said it was like 50 bucks a day too so it was good money for him in those days. Richard said that it was very hot and full of dust in the place where the hay came out of. He said that he used to pull out some really nasty boogers after a day of that.
Jon asked Mike Hambrick what he has in the news. He read through some headlines which included this being Howard and Beth's 6th anniversary. He had some other headlines and a plug for Leiberman Live which is on at 4:45pm.
Jon wrapped up and let the guys get in some plugs. They ended the show around 11:10am.