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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how he was reading about their old radio station K-Rock. He said they're called Amp FM now. He said they've changed format a bunch of times since they left. He said they don't let the DJ's have names. He said they give them a one word name. He said he would be furious if he had to do that. He said they have Nico, Astra and Toro. He said they don't have a morning guy yet. Howard said that the theory is if they have one name they'll like them better. Howard said if Nico quits they can just bring in another one and call him the same name. Howard said radio has become horrible. He said he's always been horrible.
Howard said he knows guys would come up with radio names but it's so weird to work at a station where you can't have your name. He said the one nice thing about using your real name is hoping that someone would hear it that you know and they'd know you made it. Howard said they should have called every DJ at Amp FM ''Howard Stern.'' He said they could have had Astra Howard Stern and Nico Howard Stern. Howard said that way people would think he's back.
Howard said he likes using his real name. He said he knew guys who beat him up would listen and know that he was the guy they used to beat up. Howard wondered who dreamt that up. He said it's some programming genius. Howard said they must have done it somewhere and it worked.
Howard said he just put in the K-Rock name in a search and it auto corrected to Crock. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said spell check is turning him into an idiot. He said it happens to him all the time.
Howard said he sat down and tried to draw Beth. He said it's very difficult. He said it's very hard for someone with limited talents. Howard said some people can just do it. Howard said he's an amateur. He said he wanted to do a self portrait and that was horrible. Howard said he drew Beth and they say that you can't expect perfection. Howard said horrible looking people are easier to draw than good looking people. He said that he did this portrait of Beth and it wasn't horrible. He said it looked like a person. He said it didn't look like Beth and he knew it. He said he thought it was romantic that he did that but she was horrified by it. Howard said he got so rundown by that. He said he wasn't able to draw for days.
Howard said he would show it to Fred. He said that he can't show it to Robin. Howard said if someone has an honest opinion it's too early for that. Fred said it has to be based on where he's at in the learning. Howard said he drew the sky too. Robin asked why he's jumping around like that. Howard said he likes to mix it up. He said there are some people who are just good. He mentioned some artists that he likes like Cottman. Howard said that he was a natural talent. Howard said there are people who don't want their kids growing up to be artists and they hold them back. Howard said you can make a lot of money as an artist these days. Howard said his cousin Jack is an artist and he did the covers of comic books and he became an exec at Warner Brothers movies.
Robin said that the design of phones and stuff comes from artists. Howard said he spoke with this guy who used to do art when he was younger and he had gotten out of it.
Howard said that he wants to satisfy himself. That's what he's looking to do with this art thing. Howard said he was writing something and he met Guillermo del Toro and he found out he keeps a journal and he draws in it. Howard said he saw that and he started to do the same thing. He said he didn't like his own drawings. He said they looked like a 4 year old drew them. He said he wanted to improve upon them. He fell in love with water color. He said he loves the way it looks. Howard said they're the toughest. He said it's even harder than oil or acrylics. Howard said that water color dries in different ways. Howard said that it's beautiful when it's done correctly.
Howard said he was dissatisfied with is handwriting too. He said that he never learned the right way to write or hold a pen. He said they didn't teach that in school. He said that they have stopped art in class too. Howard said that he took a class with a guy and the guy was able to tell him when they stopped art class. Howard said that they weren't embarrassed to draw at a 4th grade level but they were with writing. Howard said that drawing is a way of perceiving and it's imperative that they teach that. Howard said it's a form of communication. Howard said he knows one point perspective. Robin said she doesn't know what that is.
Robin asked if he's writing too. Howard said that he isn't. He said that stopped and he's just doing the painting. He said he needs to do this right now. Howard said that's his calling right now but that could change. Howard asked Fred if he wanted to see the drawing of Beth. Fred said he did. Howard said he will show him but not Robin. Robin said that he's the judge from America's Got Talent. Howard said he is but he's not putting his out there. He said he's proud of it because he did it. Howard had Fred come over and look at the picture. He showed him a first attempt. Fred said that things are off and shifting. Howard showed him a second attempt and Fred said it's not bad. He said he needs to work on the symmetry on some of them but he's on his way. Howard said he didn't laugh at him so that's why he showed Fred.
Howard said that he can only do this when he has time. Howard said he's so busy. He said when Joan Rivers died he had to do the eulogy. He was upset that he couldn't paint. Howard said you need hours and hours to do this. Howard said it's hard and he doesn't have time. Robin said that Howard used to laugh at her for trying different things. Howard said what she was doing was silly. Howard said she was trying boats and she can't swim. Robin said the point is that she wanted to learn that. Robin said that lasted a couple of years. Howard said she did race cars for a short time. Robin said she had horses for about 10 years or more. Howard said she did jet skis and she almost drown doing that. Robin said she has a jet boat and she drives that all the time. Howard said he hasn't seen that. Howard said they both like to try new things. Howard said Robin took singing lessons too. Robin said she did but she wasn't able to recreate what was in her head so it was frustrating. Howard said his goals aren't lofty. He said he just wants to draw some stuff in a book.
Robin said that you do have the right to discipline your kid as you see fit but these people might not be all there. Howard said that you can be retarded and have a child. Howard said that's why we need government. Howard said we need even more government telling people they can't have kids. He said they're fucking idiots.
Howard had Fred look up Man and the Mountain which was the album he was listening to over the weekend. Fred was still searching for the song.
Howard played a clip of an interview with a woman defending Ray Rice over what he did to his wife. There were other guys saying that other players have done worse.
Fred found a version of Crossroads but it wasn't from that Man and the Mountain album that Howard heard. Howard said that he's not sure how they don't have this stuff there.
Howard said Billy Squire really was great. He said that he feels that he was punished for that one video he did. Howard said he had a huge music career and then it was gone after that video. Howard had Fred play his song ''Lonely is the Night'' and Fred said that it reminded him of Led Zeppelin. Robin said that she thinks about the people whose careers were made by video and Billy's was ruined by video.
Howard said that Sal and Richard were out on the street interviewing people about Ray Rice. Howard played some of those interviews and people were saying that they didn't think the punishment was right. One guy was saying that the bitch deserved what she got. Other people didn't think Rice should have been fired.
Howard said that they asked people on the street if they would rather share an elevator with Howard Stern or Ray Rice and he didn't win. Howard said that you'd think that women would want to spend their time in the elevator with him. Howard played some of the answers and the women were saying Ray Rice because he's young and hot. Howard said that you could knock those two out and get away with it. Howard said if you're hot you can get away with anything. He said just look at Oscar Pistorius. Howard said he was reading about the judge in that case and she doesn't put up with anything. Howard said the judge seemed to be waiting for her time to kick this fucker's ass. Howard said if he's ever up on charges he's going to keep saying ''me lady'' like he did. Howard said that if you shoot someone through a door you can get away with it. Howard said they're saying that he could get 6-15 years in jail for manslaughter. Howard said that they say he could make millions on his book. He said his time in jail he can write the book and get a couple mill for that. Howard said that shooting that woman was a fantastic career move. Howard said it's un-fucking-believable to him.
Howard played more of the interviews Sal and Richard did on the street asking women if they would rather be in an elevator with Howard or Ray Rice. One woman said Howard Stern even though she's not a fan. One woman said she would walk the other way if she saw either. Howard played another one and the woman said neither but then picked Howard over Ray Rice because she knows that she could defended herself. Howard said they should actually do this and act it out. Howard said Ray Rice isn't doing anything right now.
Howard played another one where the woman said she was actually in the elevator with her when they worked in the same building. She said he was very nice. Howard played one more where a woman picked Ray Rice because she likes football players.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she doesn't think Ray was in the wrong because the woman came at him and she hit him in the hallway. Howard said he's a big dude and he could have restrained her. Howard said that most guys can take a woman and hold her. He said he wasn't in danger. Howard said she's not some tough broad. Howard said there is a way to deal with that. Howard said that it wasn't his first run at knocking someone out. Howard said he may not have meant to but he did knock her out. Howard said if she had fallen down and killed herself he would have said he meant to just stop her. The caller said she was wondering if he didn't mean to. Howard said that once they got the video they saw him doing that and it was a different story. Howard said if they had tape of Oscar Pistorius they'd probably convict him.
Howard said he thinks that the caller should drop her position on that. She said that it's not a position. She said that she was just thinking about it. Robin said that those two shouldn't be together at all.
The caller screwed up as she was telling Howard to have a good morning. Howard goofed on her about that for a short time.
Howard took a call from Marianne Garvey who said that Howard wrote her a note thanking her for something and his handwriting is so nice. She told him not to beat himself up. Howard said that she's missing the point. Howard said he did something about his handwriting and he went to a teacher. Howard said he fixed it. Howard said that he'll take it as a compliment.
Marianne said that she was on her honeymoon and she got sick and they only had one bathroom in the room. She said that she it went against everything Howard said. Howard said she's lucky that he didn't Oscar Pistorius her. Howard wondered why she would put herself trough that. He said he's sorry to hear that she shit through her honeymoon.
Marianne said that they watched the sunset as Howard was on down there. She said that it was like being home while she was in Bali. She said it's just wonderful to listen to. Howard congratulated her on her marriage and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he saw that Richard Kiel died. Howard said he forgot that he played the lead in the Twilight Zone episode ''To Serve Man.'' Howard said that he suffered from giantism. Howard said that he was only like 70 something. Howard said tall guys like that don't last that long apparently.
Howard said Mindy Kaling is coming in shortly. He took a call from a Jim from Raleigh who said that Kanye West is a real dick. He said that he tried to get someone to stand up at a concert and the guy had to show he had a prosthetic to show why he wasn't standing up. Howard said he isn't into rap that much. He said there are a few rap songs that he likes but he's not really into that. He said he'd rather just hear Leslie West. Fred played the song he was talking about earlier. Leslie was performing a cover of Crossroads.
Jim said he went to Farm Aid in Raleigh this past weekend. He said that Neil Young was there. He asked if he's really coming in. Howard said he is. He said he can't wait. Howard said he has a stack of questions for him. Howard said he will have to give him at least 17 hours to interview him. Howard said once he gets him in there he won't let him leave. Howard said no one seems to like him that much though. Howard said he doesn't think he's performing but he may leave a guitar laying near him. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he thinks he's unbelievable.
Howard said that they have Robert Downey Jr. coming in. He said Jim Carrey, Lena Dunham, Martin Short, Slash, Amy Poehler and more. He said Oscar Pistorius is coming in too. He was joking about that.
Jim asked who Howard thinks are the best living musicians. Howard said Eddie Van Halen is one he thinks of as being great. Howard said that he was listening to Van Halen all weekend so that might have something to do with that. Howard said that Neil Young writes and performs so he might be better. Howard said the guys who he respects the most are singer song writers like Neil Young. Howard said even Bowie. Howard said McCartney, Billy Joel and others are up there. Howard said Springsteen might be in there but he's not a big fan. Howard said he does appreciate him more now though.
Howard and the guys went over a few other names for that list. Howard said he thinks Elvis was horrible. Robin said that you can go pre-army Elvis and he was amazing. Robin said he created the American Idol. Howard said not for him. Howard said Robin can put him on her list. Robin said he had something that nobody else had. Howard said he had a big hillbilly dick filled with smegma cheese. Howard said that's why he swiveled his hips. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said this is the last week for America's Got Talent. Howard asked Robin who she thinks will win. Robin said her money is on Emily West or that Quintavious kid. Howard said he thinks she's right. The caller said maybe that rock star kid. Howard said he's tried to give him some advice but he doesn't take his advice. Howard said that he thinks the kid could win if he stops singing songs where he screams. Howard said that he doesn't hate that kid either. Howard said he's trying to give him some advice.
Robin said she liked those cello kids too. Howard said he told them what to do but they didn't listen. Howard said they needed a singer in there. Howard said that they don't listen.
Howard said he could talk until he's blue in the face about that but no one listens to him. Howard said he thought that they could set their cellos on fire. The caller asked if he could get his theme song played. Howard asked if he has one. The caller, Zach, said he was the most beautiful cock winner and George Takei sang it. Robin wondered if he went on his date with Nicole Bass. Howard had already hung up on him so he didn't get to ask.
Howard said that he did that Joan Rivers eulogy and he got some accolades for that. Howard said that there was a Rabbi (Potasnik) on WABC radio saying he was disgusting. Howard said that this wasn't the Rabbi from the temple they were at. Howard said the guy there was giggling. Howard said he was describing some of Joan's funny moments and the guy was laughing. Howard said he thinks that religion is the cause of most of the problems in this world. He said he doesn't care what you are it just makes people cuckoo. He said people kill in the name of god. Howard said that he saw someone talking about how Muslim's have killed more than any other religion but he was thinking ''Really?'' because there have been so many other mass killings. Howard said that it's not just Muslims. Howard said that every religion is responsible for that.
Howard played the clip of this Rabbi talking about how disgusting he found Howard Stern at the Joan Rivers funeral. The Rabbi was talking about how he felt what Howard Stern said at the funeral crossed the line. Howard pointed out the guy wasn't even there. Howard said he can tell this guy is a fucking creep. Gary said this is Scott Salem's Rabbi. He said that Scott was married by this guy. Howard asked if Scott has any dirt on this guy. Scott said he's known this guy for a long time. He said he's a really great guy. He said the guy knows where he works and he laughs at it.
Howard played more of the audio and the guy said when you're in a temple you have to have a sacred spirit and not say things like Howard Stern did. Howard said he didn't say anything that bad. He said he didn't even curse. He said this guy is a gas bag and he doesn't have a fucking clue. Howard said he just hears the name Howard Stern and it's a knee jerk reaction. Howard said the only word he used was vagina. He said t wasn't in poor taste. Howard said there were tones of people using the words fuck and shit and he didn't say one profane word at all. Howard said it was the other people who were. Howard said this Rabbi is an asshole. He said he didn't do the eulogy for this guy. He said he did it for Joan and she would have loved it.
Howard played more of the Rabbi's comments and he was saying that you just don't do that in a sacred space. Howard said both of these guys are idiots. He said that they weren't there so they don't know what he said. Howard said the only reason these people are being heard is because he's playing it. Howard said they talked for an hour and no one heard it until now. Howard asked how old this guy is. He said he had an accent that he's never heard. Scott said he's probably near 70 or so.
Howard played more of the audio of the Rabbi and called him a fucking moron. Howard said this guy thinks he deserves respect but he doesn't deserve it. He said he has to earn it. He said it doesn't take that much to be a Rabbi either. Howard said he thinks it's gross when guys bite an infant's penis when they circumcise them. Howard said that this asshole has to talk about a nice eulogy he did for Joan. Howard said there's always some shithead out there like that.
Howard said that Scott thinks this guy is a nice man. He said the sad part is if he had him in his temple he'd be fawning all over him. Howard told Scott to go back and tell this guy he's an idiot.
Howard said he head Scott's fantasy football team were all injured this weekend. Scott said there were a couple who were hurt on their first play. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and then told him to get back to work.
Howard said that Obama was talking about him in a speech. He played a clip where Obama was saying he loved his pussy joke in the Joan Rivers eulogy. It was a fake clip of course. Howard played more of the edited speech where they had Obama talking to Robin and saying he's going to knock out Isis like Ray Rice in an elevator.
Howard said that he had to take a break after that. They played a prank call they made to Big Foot using clips of Benjy as they were about to go to break. Howard said that Big Foot seems to have some knowledge at times. Howard said they asked him some questions about history and he does know some things but then he's all over the place. Howard played an answer Bigfoot had about the JFK assassination and things like that. Bigfoot knows some of the details but not all of them. He said it's hard to figure out what his problem is. He said he makes Sal sound like Einstein. Howard said they asked him about the Mayflower and the pilgrims. Bigfoot said something about talking about turkey and bringing over all of the animals on the Mayflower. Howard said he knows the Mayflower was a boat. Robin said everybody is mish-mashed in there. Robin said it's like a history smash up. Howard said he knows the turkey thing but then he's kind of quoting Noah's ark. Howard said they asked him about Martin Luther King. He played that clip and Big Foot said that he invented the telephone which was two tin cans connected by a string.
Howard said Big Foot talking about fingering the postal worker was great. He played a song the guys did with Bigfoot where he sang about that. They went to break after that.
Howard said Riley Martin got hit on by a woman on the air. Howard said he was on the air when the woman called in. Howard said he thinks that it's a phony phone call but Riley may not think that. Howard played the call and Riley took a call from a woman named Kimberly. She asked if there is a Mrs. Riley Martin. Riley said ''Yes it is.'' He said her name is Joy. Riley was asked if there is room for anyone else. Riley said he can't reveal to her what has transpired here or there. Howard said that's guy code for saying that something could happen. Riley said he is very happy but the flavors of various candies one can not avoid tasting them from time to time if the circumstances are right. He said he is not in the market at the time though. Howard asked what kind of bullshit answer that is. Robin said he's saying that it's his age that's stopping him. Howard said that he loves all of the analogies he uses. Riley told the woman to get a symbol and that will put them in touch. Kimberly told Riley how she looks and Riley told her to send a picture when she gets one of those symbols. Howard and Fred did their impressions of the caller as if she was a dude calling in. They were doing their Herman Munster like voices. They did their own version of the Riley show with the caller revealing she was a man.
Howard played more of the call and the ''woman'' said that she has a 2 inch clitoris and asked if that turned him off. Riley said that didn't turn him off at all. Kimberly said that she would get in touch with Riley after that. Robin said that's definitely a guy. Howard and Fred did more of their impressions of that call.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks of Riley. Robin said he got more and more enthusiastic as the call went on. Howard and Fred did their thing a little more.
Howard said that Riley was on recently wishing people a happy Hanukkah. Howard said that it was the middle of the summer. He played a quick clip of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John Cleese used the F-word in a eulogy many years ago. Howard said that he's talking about that Rabbi's comments. Howard said that he didn't even use any words like that in his eulogy. He said he had a clip of this other Rabbi talking about how Robin Williams was possessed. Howard asked how you trust anything any of these people say. Howard said that Pat Robertson seems to be living a great life and he has a clip of him telling an 80 year old to find a way to make a living so he can tithe and give to his church. Howard played audio of that. The 80 year old woman said that they don't have any money left at the end of the month to give to his church. Robertson told the person to ask God to guide them to find other ways to make money even at the age of 80. Robertson said there are many ways of making money. He suggested selling junk in their garage to make money.
Howard said that Robertson is really into that tithing. He said that he thinks even an 80 year old that can't afford it should figure out a way to make money so they can send him money. Howard said that they don't need dental work. They should send all of their money to him.
Howard said Robertson had a theory on Robin Williams too. Howard played that clip and Robertson was saying that everything you seek in life can ruin you. He said God can fill your ever need. Howard said that he won't beat you in an elevator like Ray Rice. Howard said that guy is something.
Howard said that he throws that Rabbi who went off on him about his eulogy in with all of these other dudes. He said he has no idea what he said. Howard said that Mindy Kaling is there. He said he can't wait to meet her. Howard said that maybe they'll learn something from her.
Howard talked about how his parents dragged him to temple as a kid. He said he didn't want to be there. Howard said that they called him Tzvi. Howard said that the Rabbi just gave him that name. He said it wasn't the worst one. He said they would give you a name that kind of sounded like your name in English. He said Mark was Mendel. Howard said that you know it will morph into ''mental'' when you have that. Howard said that was the worst. Howard said he had to sit there and listen to bullshit stories for 2 hours and they had to call him Tzvi. Howard asked how he got involved in that. He said his parents thought it was important but they never went to temple. Howard said he had to wear this stuff his mother didn't even know about. He said that he had to have a bar mitzvah and learn a song over the course of a year. He said he had to conduct the service. He said he had to learn the Haftarah. He explained how that worked and how you have to read from the Torah with no vowels. He said that they might as well have turned out the lights to make it even harder. Howard said that he could have been a rock star if they had given him guitar lessons instead. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later. He said he has to talk more about this tomorrow.
Howard said his mother told him that Grandpa Stern thought he did it perfectly. Howard said the guy looked like he had one foot in the grave. He said that he didn't even know how to speak English. Howard said he wasn't able to tell him that on his own. Howard said he had to sing into a tape recorded to send to his other grandfather. Howard said he knows he didn't know how to work a tape recorder. He said he comes from a whole line of dummies. He said there are no distinguished people in his family. Howard said that he wasted so much time at that Hebrew school. Robin asked if his parents went to Hebrew school. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said his dad did have a bar mitzvah though. Howard played some of the tape he sent to his grandpa. Howard said you just wing the tune. He said he imagines his grandpa covering his ears so he can't hear that. He said he wasted his whole youth on that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Mindy Kaling is there. He said she's the star of The Mindy Project'' and she's in the third season. Howard said it must be tough doing that kind of show where she writes and stars in it. Mindy said that it's the thing she dreamed about doing when she was 5. She said she's never bored now. Howard said it must look impossible when you're a kid but now the dream is realized. Howard said she has a show on FOX and she writes it. Howard asked if she has no other life now. Mindy said it's pretty A+. She said it's tons of work but it's so creatively fulfilling. Howard asked if FOX execs come in and tell her to change things. Mindy said they get a lot of input and she's addicted to feedback. She said that's a bad quality actually.
Howard asked why she craves that so much. Mindy said that people like Chris Rock and others were liked by everyone. She said that her parents loved mainstream hits. She said that she thinks that she might be looked at as a niche but she doesn't want to be like that. Mindy said she wants everyone to like her. Howard asked if she thinks that she'll get that by listen to people. She said no but it might help. Howard asked if she reads the comments online. Mindy said that she does sometimes. Mindy said that someone might tell her she looks great but then they'll turn around and tell her to go back to Iraq.
Howard asked if Mindy wakes up after the premiere and looks at ratings. Mindy said she used to at the beginning. She said that was a bit of a rookie mistake. Mindy said she used to like to ride the wave of it. She said she likes a little drama in her life. She said that was the ratings and she had to make the show she just likes and not worry about it getting canceled. She said she'd rather make what she wants and get it canceled than have it just be bad and get canceled. Howard said it can make you insane.
Howard asked where Mindy grew up. She said she grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Howard asked if the show is based on her mom. She said that her mom was a doctor but it's loosely based on her. Mindy said that she thought that the job would have a lot of story lines with that kind of character.
Howard asked Mindy about going to college and if she can do times tables. Mindy said she's fine with 9x9 but it's not her thing. She said that her parents would have liked it better if she was better at math. Howard said she went to Dartmouth. Howard said she must have been good in school. Mindy said she did okay before college. Then she got to college and didn't do so well.
Mindy said she got on The Office and she was only 24. She said that she was working with 21 year olds who were writing and she felt like she was nothing at her age. Howard said even at 24 that's impressive. Howard said Mindy wrote her own play after college. Mindy said she and a friend wrote a play that was about 50 minutes long. It was called Matt and Ben and it was about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Mindy said she played Ben in the play. She said it was totally weird. She said that she looked horrible in it. Mindy said that it was funny and weird and some people thought it was just artsy so they went with that.
Mindy said they did the play and won this thing called The Fringe Festival. She said Steve Martin came to see it.
Howard said the trick is to get out of college and write a weird play with a friend. He said you have to take initiative and do your own thing. Mindy said she didn't have a lot of parts for herself. She said she doesn't look like Julia Roberts. Mindy said that she had to come up with something to do.
Howard asked if her teachers told her the play was a piece of shit. Mindy said that didn't happen. She said they moved to New York in 2001 and they didn't have anyone to send their play to. She said it sounded crazy and kind of stupid. She said they knew that and they just went out and did it instead.
Howard said it sounds like she's had a charmed life. Howard said that she got out and had a big success right away. Mindy said that Greg Daniels saw her play and he hired her to be on The Office. Howard said that show was huge too. Mindy said that Steve Martin wanted them to write a show for him. She said that it was going to be on the WB Network. Mindy said that they did this show called Mindy and Brenda and they didn't think they were attractive enough to play the parts. Mindy said they had to audition for their own parts. Mindy said she had to sit in a room with hotter girls. Mindy said that she figured she had a good shot but they opened up her role to all ethnicities. She said that they didn't get the parts in their own pilot. Mindy said that it's not really a charmed life. Mindy said when she swings big she can miss big. Mindy said the girls were very sweet and the girls got how weird it was. Howard asked if she did anything to fox herself up for the audition. Mindy said that she wondered how much weight she could lose in 4 days. Mindy said that she can't stick to those cleanse things so she didn't do it.
Howard asked Mindy about getting The Office job. She said she was hired as a writer with an acting clause in the contract. She said that she doesn't have that much acting training. She said that she did plays in high school though. Mindy said she did playwriting and things like that in college.
Howard asked where her writing partner is now. Mindy said she's in New York and doing her dream. She said she has studied acting and she was kind of the hot girl at Dartmouth.
Howard said Mindy got on The Office and she was doing her thing there. Howard said she was writing and had the option to act. Howard said they gave her 6 episodes and it got bigger. Mindy said the second year it became a hit. Howard said then her dream was to go write for Saturday Night Live. Howard said that sounds like a step backwards. Mindy said that she fantasized about doing that. She said live TV seemed glamorous to her. She said she was on The Office but she was number 14 on the call sheet. She said she had a line or two per episode. Mindy said she's still friendly with the writers of the show but she wanted something else. Mindy said she had to audition for SNL. She said she had written some episodes for The Office and Greg told her that she had a job there but if she went there and they offered her an acting job she should take it. She said Greg said if they hired her to just write then he wouldn't let her out of the contract.
Howard mentioned doing coke with Belushi when Mindy was talking about being with the SNL cast. Mindy said that she doesn't even know what coke looks like. She said that she never does that stuff. She said that she has done 3 or 4 movies with Seth Rogen and he's never asked her to smoke with him. She said he's the best though. Howard asked if she gets nervous being asked to act with Seth. Mindy said she did at first. Mindy said Seth is so great on Howard's show too. She said she listened to that interview and James Franco's too. Mindy said that Seth is so comfortable in his skin and he isn't calling everyone a babe and getting girls to fuck him. Mindy said he's just the best guy. Mindy said that he's not looking for that validation like most guys are.
Howard said Seth is so relaxed when he's on camera. Howard said he's never seen a guy breeze through a film like that. He said he knows he's not actually breezing but he makes it look like that. Mindy said that Bill Murray is like that too. Howard asked if that's learned or is that something that they just do. Mindy said that Seth has a temper but on camera he just has an ease about him. She said maybe it's the weed.
Howard said it took him years to get comfortable on the air. Mindy said that's good to hear. Mindy said that she sees Howard with David Letterman and he's so comfortable with him. She said that he's not putting on a show. Howard said that when he used to go on Letterman he was always a nervous fucking wreck. He said he thought Dave hated him and the audience hated him. He said he would always think his appearance was awful. He said he was tortured by it.
Mindy said if you're not nervous then you don't care. That's what BJ Novak told her. She said that she knows that she just has to go on and do this thing like doing Howard's show. She said she was so nervous about it but Howard is being nice so she's relaxed.
Howard said after Mindy did her thing on The Office she decided she wanted to be on SNL. Mindy said she flew out there to talk to Lorne Michaels. She said she was asked to come audition. She said Seth Meyers was running the auditions. She said Steve Higgins was there too. Mindy said they had all kinds of women of color there in the audition room. She said they had stereotypical types in there. Howard asked what minority Mindy is. Mindy thanked him for asking. She said she's Indian. She said that both of her parents are Indian. Mindy said she did the Ben Affleck impression in the audition.
Howard asked if she grew up in an Indian neighborhood. Mindy said it was mixed. She said that Cambridge is liberal and you don't have to look like the traditional people you see on TV. Mindy said she wanted to look different than herself just so she'd be hotter. She said that she'd like to be skinny with giant tits. Howard said he felt the same way. Howard asked if her parents wanted her to marry an Indian. She said they didn't. Mindy said that on her dad's side of the family they have arranged marriages. Howard said he thought that they met because her dad was designing the hospital her mom worked at. Mindy said that's how they met. That wasn't an arranged marriage.
Mindy said that her parents spoke English so that's why she sounds the way she does. She said that she dates guys who are versions of Howard. Howard said poor Mindy.
Howard asked Mindy about SNL again. Howard said she went in for the audition and then what did she do. Mindy said she did some stand up jokes and a bit which was Ben Affleck passive aggressively talking to Matt Damon after he shows up late for coffee. Mindy did that and she thought it was funny. Mindy said it was sort of funny but her description sucks. Mindy said she thought she did pretty well in the audition. Mindy said they offered her a writing job there. She said that's what Greg Daniels thought they were going to do. Mindy said Greg told her to head back to L.A.
Mindy said she did 2 weeks as a guest writer at SNL eventually. Mindy said she went to New York and sat in the writing room. She said that Seth Meyers was there with a bunch of other people. Howard asked what she does and if she pitches a sketch. Mindy said she was very silent. She said she knew coming from a writer's room what that can be like. Mindy said she had to keep her head down and just do her thing. She said she shared a room with Kristen Wiig. She said she just didn't want to be a weirdo. Howard said Kristen is a big deal. Mindy said that she didn't interact a lot and maybe the people thought that she thought she was too cool or something. She said that it was very nerve wracking. Howard asked what the point of going there was. Mindy said she didn't maximize it. She said that she didn't leave there thinking that they thought she was great. She said she got to work with Will Forte on a sketch. She said that was fine but that was about it. She said she was hoping to meet her husband there too but that didn't really happen either.
Howard asked if that inspired her to write The Mindy Project. Mindy said she was happy to be home after that SNL thing. She said that they were fantastic there but she didn't wow them like she wanted to. Mindy said she's wanted to do her own show since about season 4 of The Office.
Mindy said she sat down and wrote her own show by herself. She said she left The Office in season 8. She said she had written about 25 episodes of that show already. Howard said writing on her own is great because you get the credit. Mindy said it's comforting writing with a partner. Mindy said she's writing a book and she spends about 9 hours a day doing that. Mindy said she spends 8 hours doing nothing. Then she spends an hour doing something productive. She said she can't do that one hour unless that other 8 hours happens. Mindy said when you have a partner you get more done. She said that she is chatty and she thinks she's more productive when she's got someone around.
Howard asked if she has someone writing and the other person is the creative one. Mindy said that the person who actually writes might be considered the loser who isn't the creative one. Howard said that he, Jackie and Fred used to write and he hated writing. He said he wanted to be the one walking around. He said he doesn't want to sit and write. Howard said he can't be the one scribbling. Howard said he wants to throw things occasionally.
Howard asked Mindy about how the pilot came about. Mindy said that she was asked to write it for NBC. She said she did that and they passed on it. Mindy said it was a really bad day. She said it was devastating. Howard said to get a show on TV the odds are against you. Mindy said they didn't even want to shoot it. Howard asked if she brought it to FOX after that. Mindy said that Kevin Riley was the head of FOX at the time. Mindy said he was the head of NBC when The Office was there. She said as soon as NBC passed then Kevin picked it up. She said that she knew Kevin was there and she had a nice relationship with him. She said they read the script and they read the show that night and Kevin told her that they liked the script. She said that they wanted to be in business with her. Mindy said they asked for some changes and that was fine. She said she did it in a heartbeat. Mindy said they still bought into her as the lead. She said they liked the tone of the show too. Mindy said she didn't have to audition to play her own lead.
Howard asked if she's making good money. Mindy said she thinks it's good but not what Howard makes in 3 hours of work. Howard asked if she's rich. Mindy said she wouldn't say that. She said that she does okay but it's not like she's a millionaire. She said that she always thought that if you had a hit show you were millionaires. Mindy said that everyone has a show and it's tough to get people. She said that she does great but she's not making Larry David money. Howard said that's the goal. Howard said Seinfeld never has to work again. He said he told him that he doesn't want to do another sitcom. Howard said Jerry does stand up but he just hangs. Howard said Jerry thinks he works too hard. Mindy said she wants to die working like Joan (Rivers) did.
Howard said he has to keep Beth happy. Mindy said she follows Beth on Instagram. Howard said he isn't making the kind of money Jerry and Larry David are.
Howard asked Mindy if she's interested in marriage. Mindy said that she doesn't have a boyfriend. She's 35 years old. Howard asked if she wants to have kids. Mindy said that her professional life is where she wanted it to be. She said she thought she'd have two teenagers by this age though. Howard said he would think that she was so career oriented that she wouldn't want kids. Mindy said she loves guys and loves dating. She said she has loved having boyfriends too. Howard asked if it's her job that keeps her from marrying. Mindy said she's a handful. She said that she has her dream job and she has to ask for things and go after things. She said she has to be pushy and demanding. Mindy said that's not the kind of girl that guys are looking for. Mindy said she wants things and that's not so appealing to all guys.
Howard asked if she can date an insurance salesman or anything like that. Mindy said she loves swagger. She said he doesn't have to be in show business. Mindy said she likes confident guys and cheerful guys too. Mindy said that she has been through stuff like losing her mom a couple of years ago. She said it was devastating and she is a cheerful person most of the time. Mindy said she is usually cheerful. Mindy said she's looking for someone who is going to keep her that way. Howard asked if her dad is still alive. She said he is and he's dating. Howard asked if her mom knew she was making it. Mindy said she saw the success of The Office. Mindy said her mom and dad acted on The Office actually.
Howard asked Mindy if she wants to get married. Mindy said that she's not sure she needs that. She said she would like to be on the same page with a guy about having kids and things like that. Mindy said she thinks that Jessica Seinfeld does some cool things with her kids. Howard said that they might have to set her up with someone. Howard said it sounds like she loves romance and she's such a girl.
Howard asked if her mom, being an OB-GYN, ever examined her. Mindy said she never did. She said she was good to go to for advice though.
Howard said it sounds like Mindy is having a good time. Howard gave her some plugs for her show The Mindy Project which is coming back tomorrow night on FOX.
Howard asked if Mindy thinks about getting cancer like her mom had. Mindy said that she had pancreatic cancer and she's doing what she can to prevent it. Howard said that Mindy is delightful. Mindy said she studied a lot for this. She said she wanted to come on with a lot of knowledge of the show. Mindy said that she compiled the interviews that were the greatest hits and she just listened to them. She said she had them on her phone and listed to them all. Howard said she appreciates that. He sad she wanted to fit into the rhythm of the show. Mindy said she was honored that they asked her to come on the show. Robin said she thinks she does really well on talk shows. Howard said he's going to set her up with a dude. He said that he has to get Robin set up first.
Howard asked Mindy which guy she wants to hook up with. Mindy said she went to the State Dinner and Bradley Cooper was there. She said he knows French and she can speak it fluently. Howard said Beth can do that too and it's a sign of intelligence. Mindy said that Beth is hot in many ways. She said that Beth cares so deeply for animals and if she looked like Beth she'd be preoccupied with how hot she is. Mindy said she posts pictures of her cats and then she'll post a bikini picture for the people who aren't into the cats. She said that's cool to her. Mindy said that she's like Bradley Cooper in that way. Howard said they need someone who looks like Bradley Cooper. Mindy said she just threw that name out there because Howard asked for a hot guy. She said she's not delusional.
Howard asked Mindy if she'll jump into bed on the first date. Mindy said no. She said that if you're a girl in general that won't help you out. She said it's best to wait. Howard said Beth made him wait and that was smart. He said there was a progression there. Howard said they waited 2 weeks. Howard said they met at a party and they were together a lot in those two weeks so they felt like it was more like a month. Howard said he took Beth to his apartment and he was proud of the way he decorated it. Howard said he called Beth at 7 in the morning the next day after she went home. Howard said he asked her to come over to watch a movie. He said it was very stalkerish. Mindy said she loves that. She said that if you like a woman you don't play games and just tell the girl you like them. Howard said he was told to wait but there's no point in that. Howard said guys have their own approach at stuff like that and he doesn't want to wait. Mindy said it's never the wrong thing to say to the right person if you just tell them how you feel.
Howard asked Mindy if she's had guys that she was into that just didn't work out. Mindy said that this is lame but people are so different. She said you can overlap in certain ways but some things don't work out the way you expect. She said she went out with this one guy and they broke up. She said that when she gets depressed she stops eating. Mindy said that she was so hot and so depressed. Howard asked if she thinks that she's heavy now. Mindy said she's only 5'4'' tall. Howard said that she's not heavy. She said she just said she's chubby. Howard said he thinks she has a hot body. Howard said she's friends with Lena Dunham too. She was her friend before Girls. Mindy said she was. She said she likes that Lena and Howard are buds too. Mindy said that she is inspired by people younger than her. She said that she thinks Lena has something to say and she's an artist. Howard said he thinks she's brave to take her clothes off the way she does. Howard said she's totally comfortable with that like Seth Rogen is on camera. Mindy said that guys think that's so cool too. Howard said it's sexy. Mindy said that Lena does not give a fuck. She said she's very stylish and she just owns it. Mindy said she's inspired by that and it's cool.
Mindy said that people think that she's brave to look the way she does but she tries to work out and lose weight. She said she's not brave at all.
Howard asked Mindy if she likes to drink. Mindy said she does like cocktails and things. Mindy said if someone asks her to do shots she'll do them. She said she won't turn them down. Mindy said that Ike Barinholtz is in really good shape right now. She said they eat on the set and she wishes she could eat like people who are in shape do. Mindy said she just wants to be one of the guys and she wants to be normal. She said when you eat like one of the guys you look like one of the guys. She said she would like to look like a dainty fuckable girl but she can't eat like that. Howard said he thinks that she was with the guy from The Office, BJ Novak. Mindy said that was easy to figure out. She said that she stays in touch with him and he wished her luck before the show today. She said she was 24 at the time and she probably would have married him if he had asked her to. Mindy said he's a wonderful guy. Howard said lets hope that he calls her tomorrow to marry her. Mindy said she's not holding a candle and waiting for him to do that. Howard said he thinks she would do it. Mindy said she doesn't know about that.
Howard said that this was fun. He said it's 9:20 already and they've talked for too long. Howard said that The Mindy Project airs tomorrow night on FOX. Howard asked if she had fun. Mindy said she did and she hopes she can come back. Howard said she can come back anytime. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. They played a Sal and Richard prank call to a pizzeria before going to commercial.
Howard asked if Robin watched Miss America. Robin said she taped it but she didn't watch. Howard said he doesn't care about it. Robin said that Miss New york has won 3 years in a row apparently. Howard said that's great. He said everyone hates New York from around the country. Howard said that usually some chick from Kansas or Oklahoma wins.
Howard said JD told him that the questions they were asking were pretty heavy. He said they were asking about Ray Rice, ISIS and rape. Howard said he's not sure why they'd turn to Miss America for those. Howard said Kathy Ireland was very serious about the questions on the show. Howard played a clip of Kathy talking about what she was looking for in the competition. Howard said she was really serious. Howard said he looks at the stomach. He said he wants a flat stomach. Howard said they're judging someone in a bathing suit up there. Howard said Kathy said something about judging for a servant's heart or something.
Howard said the questions they were asking were pretty depressing. Howard played another clip where they asked the contestant about the 9 year old who accidentally shot her shooting instructor in the head and asked if they should have more rules for children and guns. Howard said they were cutting them off with the music. Howard said that they shouldn't bother asking the questions if they're just going to cut them off. Robin started to say something and Fred played music over her so she was drowned out too.
Howard did an impression of what that sounded like. JD said that Donald Trump has it right with the Miss USA pageant and the bathing suits they wear. He said on this one they have granny panties on just about.
Howard played another question they asked a contestant about what's going on with Ray Rice. The girl said she had a platform of ''One chance, one choice'' or something like that. Howard said he doesn't know what that means. Robin explained that they all have a platform. Howard said he didn't know they had to have one. Howard said these are young kids. Howard said it got worse from there. He said they moved on to world politics. Howard played some of that too. They were asking questions about ISIS and the beheading videos they showed. The contestant had to answer very quickly while this awful music was playing over her.
Howard said one of the contestants was asked about rape. Howard played that clip next and said that this was ruining his boner. The contestant said that she wants everyone to go to rape classes.
Howard said that he doesn't need classes to teach him about that. He said he's not going to rape anyone. He said if a girl wants him to stop in the middle of it he's out. He said if she's even thinking about maybe not wanting to do it then he'll pull out. He said he knows that no means know.
Howard said these questions are horrible. He said they must be designed to keep husbands from jerking off during the show. Howard said those questions were really depressing. Howard said that they don't need to ask that kind of stuff.
Robin started her news talking about the pictures that were leaked from the cloud the other day. Howard said he has not seen those pictures yet. Howard said it's unbelievable. Gary said no one wants to send them via email. He said someone there may have it on an iPad there and they'll show them to Howard if he wants to see them. Howard said he heard he could get sued for just looking at them. Gary said the person who showed him took them off a computer screen but they don't want to be the one sending them around. Howard said maybe he doesn't want to see them. Howard said he has seen so many pictures of naked women that he thinks he's done. He said he doesn't need to see that. Robin said he could go on MrSkin.com and see where she's been naked in movies. Howard said that's too much of a hassle. Howard said that he wants to hear a description of what they look like instead. Jason came in and told Howard to picture him as Jennifer Lawrence. Jason explained what she looked like. He said she has a beautiful chest and body. He said there's one where she's topless in sexy panties and she looks great in that one too. Jason said she didn't take them herself. Jason said it looks like someone took them like a friend might.
Gary said some of the pictures look like she was trying on different outfits. He said some of them are posed like she's sending them to a guy for sexual purposes. Robin asked how he knows that. Gary asked why she would do it if that's not what she was doing. Gary said the picture was taken for sexual purposes. Jason said that is sex in her eye.
Jason said he's going to leave an iPad out for him to see. Howard said Robin made a good point when she said that Jennifer didn't want everyone to see them. He said he's not going to look. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that the reason that she brought up the iCloud is because Iggy Azalea says that there's a video of her out that she doesn't want out. Robin said the video may show her under age and she may have been filmed unknowingly. Robin said that she's going to sue over that. Howard said he would care if he knew who she was. Howard said he doesn't know her. Robin said that the guy in the video says that he never showed it to Vivid Video before so it had to have been stolen. The guy is also saying she wasn't under age at the time. That led to Howard playing the top 5 songs which included Iggy at number 5. Howard said they had Ariana Grande on America's Got Talent. He said number 4 was Jesse J and Ariana Grande, and number 3 was Nikki Minaj. Number 2 was Taylor Swift and number 1 was Meghan Trainor.
Robin read about what Kanye West did at a concert where he told everyone to stand up and when one guy didn't he called him out. It turned out the guy was handicapped. Robin said the audience booed Kanye and then they convinced him that he was handicapped so Kanye went on with the show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Apple iPhone release since Howard mentioned that during a commercial. Robin said that Howard may not be getting the phone on Friday like he thinks. Robin said the people waiting in line at the Apple stores may get one but not the pre-orders. Howard took a call from Hanzi but he wasn't on the line. Howard asked Jon Hein where he read that they'll get their phones in a few days. Gary said Jon had an article he was bringing in. Jon came in and said his article was from PhoneArena.com. Robin's was USA Today. Jon said that the orders may come in even sooner if you ordered soon enough. Jon said that people will be able to track their orders if they got the email. Howard said he thinks he has that email. Jon said he may get it on Friday. Jon said you can also get them in the retail stores on Friday. There is a shortage now but that always happens with the new phones.
Robin read a story about the Miss America pageant and had Howard play some clips from the show. She had audio of one of the contestants singing ''Happy'' while beating on a cup.
Robin read a story about some people who were upset by a song played during an NFL game. Robin had Howard play some of the song which had the N-word in it while the guy was singing about hitting the pussy to the left and right. Howard said that had to offend on 50 different levels. Howard said he's offended and he's never been offended. He jokingly said he sang that at Joan Rivers eulogy.
Robin said they're wondering when the commissioner of the NFL saw the video of Ray Rice knocking out his wife. Robin said Harvey Levin says that the NFL didn't do enough when they saw the video. Robin said that Harvey says that Roger Goodell says he couldn't get the video because of an investigation but that's not true. Robin had some clips of Harvey talking about that and how they got the video.
Robin read about a woman's rights group that's going after the NFL. Robin said that they flew a banner over a game saying ''Goodell must go!'' Robin had some audio of a woman talking about why she thinks he has to go. Howard said you just don't hit women. Robin said there is a whole mindset that these guys have where they think they own the woman. Howard said most people understand that. Robin said that they don't though. Howard said it's very simple. Don't hit any girls. Robin said if they knew it was bad there would be a reason for not hitting them. Howard said that you don't need a reason. Just don't do it.
Robin asked when you know you're gay. Howard said you know when you're 5. Robin said that this woman who writes for Orange is the New Black has come out as a lesbian but she just married a man a few months ago. Howard said maybe men know at 5 and women know at 45. Robin said that this one says she knew she was gay in the fall of 2012. Howard said that most men know early. Howard said Fred is 59 and he's still not sure. Howard said Fred actually likes girls. Fred said things are going just fine in his marriage. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some audio of John Kerry talking about ISIS and what's going on with that group. Howard said that they had things going so well and then they beheaded an American. Howard said they had it made until that. He said Osama bin Laden could have had his own country if he hadn't done the 9/11 thing. Howard said that these ISIS guys could have Iraq if they didn't do the beheadings.
Robin read about how Scotland wants to secede from the United Kingdom. Robin read some details about that.
Howard took a call from Gonzo Shitcock but he wasn't there either. Howard said he thinks they must fall asleep or walk away from the phone after a few hours. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was calling about the Ray Rice situation. He said he doesn't want to sound like a douche bag but he's a battered husband. He said his wife beats him up a little bit. He said he got out of that eventually. He said he couldn't leave her. He said he's 6'2'' and at that time he was about 300 pounds. He said by the end of the marriage he was over 500 pounds. He said the wife hit him with a high heel and he broke his wrist. Howard asked what she was trying to tell him. The caller said he has no idea. Howard thanked the guy, Martin, for sharing. Howard said he doesn't know what to say. He said he felt like kicking his ass himself. He said he's just kidding of course. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about happy marriages and how they found that one of the most powerful influences is on how happy the wife is. Robin said when a woman is happy she wants to do more for her husband and that makes him happy. Howard said that's true and he has learned that. Howard said ''Happy wife, happy life.'' He said that he got that advice from a friend. He said his name is Buddha Jr. Howard said he's full of advice. Howard said it was actually John Kean. Howard said he's a builder who builds homes. Howard said that's what he told him. Robin said she remembers Brian Phelan saying that too. Howard said Brian is very wise too.
Robin read about a reversible birth control shot for men could be available in 3 years. Howard said he would never do that. He said he would wear a rubber. Howard said vaginas are so good he can't even feel that rubber. He said that thing slows him down a bit actually. Robin said the pill could act like a vasectomy but it's not permanent. Howard said if you can't wear a rubber when you're with a woman then you're gay. He said he could put a mitten and two paper bags and bedding on his cock and he'd still be able to do it. Howard said he has been with women and he has one thrust and he ejaculates. Howard said that's how good he is. Howard said you could wrap his cock in a brick wall and he'd still cum from being with a woman. Howard said he thinks guys are gay when they say they can't use a rubber. Benjy said he can't use one all the time. Benjy said he wouldn't need one with Howard. Robin said they're testing this substance on baboons and it's working so far.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's doing Letterman or Kimmel any time soon. Howard said no. He said he loves Jimmy and if he was in Los Angeles he'd do the show. Howard said he loves Jimmy Fallon too. He said he so doesn't want to offend Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said Fallon is right there in New York. He said that he feels he can do Letterman because he's been doing that his whole adult life. Howard said he loves Kimmel and he doesn't want to offend him. Howard said he thinks he would do Letterman in his last week but not now. The caller said he should be his final guest. Howard said he would do that. He said he'd like that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton saying that a run for President in 2016 is on her mind. Robin said she made this statement at The Steak Fry in Iowa. Robin said that's what you have to do to get votes.
Robin asked Howard how to make people lose weight. Howard said you really cant. He said you have to find your own motivater. Howard said Richard Simmons does that. Howard said the only thing that really works is self motivation. Howard said you have to find something that you want so badly. Howard said for him it was turning on MTV and seeing rock and roll guys in jeans and a t-shirt looking great. Howard said he'd like to look like that. Howard said who knows what people's motivation is. Robin said sometimes making someone feel guilty does it. Howard said that's what his parents did to him. Howard said they called him into a room and asked what was wrong with him. Howard said he was overweight and they told him. That led to him doing his impression of his parents for a short time. Howard said that worked. He said that he and Fred would go to Roy Rogers at times. He said his parents would yell at him for that. Robin read about a study that was done to find out what motivated people to lose weight. Howard said that his dad said he looked like a hippo. He said that worked.
Robin read about a golfer, Greg Norman, who almost severed his hand with a chain saw over the weekend. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he had a feeling something bad was going to happen. He was right. Robin said he posted a photo on Instagram where he showed his injury. Robin said he's lucky to still have his left hand.
Robin read a story about a book that a woman wrote about women going through menopause. Robin had some audio of the author talking about that. Howard said Robin went through it very gracefully. Robin said she tried some hormones at times. She said that it was the diet that did it for her. Howard said that she had to sit on ice for a while. Howard said just look at her now. He said she's happy as a clam.
Robin read a story about the FCC taking comments on the Net Neutrality. Robin said that they have faced a public backlash after saying they were thinking of having an internet slow lane and a fast lane. Robin said we should be up in arms over this.
Robin read a story about how 5 percent of millenials are going to stop paying for TV. Robin said that the Millenials are people in their 20s. Howard said his kids don't watch TV. He said they don't care about it. Robin said her nephew moved to California and his parents sent him a TV even though he didn't want one. Robin read some more details about that and ended her news. Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
JD said that he thinks that he singled him out about one line that was in the news reports. He said that he's not sure what anyone else said there. He said Howard's was the only thing being quoted. Jon said that Scott is joining them now. He read the article from this web site called Empty Lighthouse. He asked Scott what he can tell them about the Rabbi and why he defended him and not his boss. Gary told Scott that before he answers that he wants to know how long ago it was he spoke to him. Scott said it was 3 or 4 years ago. Scott said they go to him when they need him. He said he loves the guy. He said he's known him since about 1982. He said he was working at WABC at the time. Jon asked if he feels differently about him now that he has criticized his boss. Scott said no. He said the guy knows where he works and he knows of Howard. He said he never got the impression that he thought Howard was disgusting or vulgar. He said that maybe it becomes that for him when he hears about what was going on.
Jon asked Scott what went through his mind this morning. Scott said he was just telling Howard what he thought of the Rabbi. He said he needs all the help he can get with his black cloud. He said he never goes to temple though. Gary asked what he needs the guy for. Scott said for weddings and funerals. Jon asked if he knows about the black cloud. Scott said he doesn't think so. Scott said he's not a very religious person. He said he went to Hebrew school and all of that though.
Jon had an audio clip of Howard playing the Rabbi talking about the Eulogy. Scott said Howard is right in saying that it's hard to comment on what you read about what happened. Gary said that he used Joan's own words in the eulogy. He wondered if that person shouldn't have the service or should we just believe that she never said anything like that. Scott said he believes the guy is a reasonable man and he can change his opinion. Scott said he isn't going to be mad at him and he didn't make those statements so he thinks the Rabbi will be okay with it. He said he might call him after he hears about this.
Gary said he love that Scott's Rabbi is a radio Rabbi. Scott said he's very respected in the city. He said he is on the board of Rabbis and he's done work with the police and the FDNY.
Jon asked if Scott would have written a eulogy for Joan like Howard did. Scott said he would stay away from bad language in that setting.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's not sure why Scott doesn't defend Howard. He said he has no direct answers for that. Jon said that Scott isn't defending Howard there. Scott said he thinks that what Howard did is fine. He has no problem with that. He said he has the right to say and do what he wants. Scott said he was just saying that he knew the Rabbi for 30 years and he's never had a problem with him.
Jon asked if Scott's parents made him go to Hebrew school like Howard's did. Scott said it was a requirement for him. He said his mother went all out for the Bar Mitzvah. He said that was part of growing up.
Gary said he was forced to go to Catechism as a kid. He said that he had to take that every year like you take regular school. Gary said when he was in 5th grade he wanted to just stop going. He said his mother tried to sign him up for confirmation and he wasn't prepared. He said he had to take three years of that stuff to get through that. He said after that they were fine with him doing whatever he wanted.
Jon asked JD if he was forced to do anything like that. JD said that his dad is sort of religious now but his grandmother and people like that would like him to go to church.
Gary asked JD if he met a girl and said he didn't want to marry in a church would his family give him a hard time about that. JD said he doesn't think so but he really doesn't know. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard talked about the painting and drawing he's doing now. He played a clip of that where he said he wasn't going to show anyone his art but then 2 minutes later he was showing Fred. Gary said he's just not going to show it to Robin who might laugh at it. Gary said he has that same feeling about pulling his pants down and showing Robin what he has down there. He said he would be afraid that she'd laugh with that maniacal laugh of her's.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that Howard is best served keeping his art private. JD said if it's just for him to work through his creative processes then yes. He said if he's trying to monetize it then no. He said he'd have to show it.
Gary said that they've had guys like Tony Bennett and John Mellencamp on the show and they're artists too. JD said that Martin Mull is too. He said he thinks that Howard is in the baby steps of what he's learning. Gary said Ringo draws too. Phyllis Diller too.
Jon asked JD if he has any hobbies that he's kept off the air. JD said he wishes he did. He said if he's not there he's just playing Madden or something. Jon asked Scott if he has any. Scott said just house repair. He said nothing else.
Jon said Howard said that if you can't wear a condom with a woman then you are gay. He asked JD if he agrees with that. JD said that he does not. He said that's all he will say. JD said that condoms may take some feeling away. He said that it's left off a bit.
Jon said Howard is so passionate about condoms. He asked why that is. Gary said he thinks that Howard just doesn't want to have another kid. Jon asked if Scott prefers condoms. Scott said he goes in bareback. He said he doesn't like condoms. He said he finds them clumsy. Scott said that he can lose it and he never did like using them. He said he hated pausing and putting one on. He said he's been very lucky in his life that no woman got pregnant when he didn't want them to.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about the rubber comment. Ronnie said he doesn't agree with Howard. Jon asked why. Ronnie said he doesn't think he's gay. Gary said just imagine how long it would take Ronnie at that age to cum with a condom on. Ronnie said he did it once 7 years ago. Jon asked why he remembers that so vividly. Ronnie said that it was the first time he was with his girlfriend and he didn't know her that well. Jon asked how that conversation went. Ronnie said he can't stand condoms. He said every different kind he tries don't feel natural to him. Jon said they had to take a break after that. He told Ronnie they'd talk more about that after the break.
Jon asked JD about his use. JD said it's pretty much a given that there will be one involved. Ronnie asked if he uses one now. JD said he didn't want to say. He said he didn't want to get into that. Ronnie asked if he pulls out. JD said he doesn't want to talk about that.
Jon said they should get to Mindy Kaling. He said that she talked about how NBC passed on her pilot. Gary said he felt bad for her on that. Jon said he found it interesting that she did some prep before coming on the show. Gary said that's a great idea. He said that he thinks it's great that Seth Rogen gave her some advice on that too.
Jon said that these writer's rooms are so complimentary of the Howard Stern Show. Gary said that they're old enough to have raised people. He said that it's flattering for a minute until you realize that they're old fucks there on the show.
Jon said that JD was taken with Mindy today. JD said she looked good today. Jon asked if he was a fan of her's before today. JD said that he likes her. Jon had a clip from the interview that he played quickly. Jon asked who would be a good fit with her. Gary said he's not sure what she's looking for. He said that he thinks she made a disparaging comment about the west coast. He said he's not sure what she's looking for. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with her not wanting to be married. Ronnie said that maybe Brandano would be good for her.
Gary said he hasn't missed one episode of The Mindy Project. He said he happened upon the show because he and Mindy have the same book agent. He said that he hadn't heard her name before and his agent told him about her. He said he read in the trades that she got a big book deal and it pissed him off. He said he watched the show to not like her and he ended up liking her. Jon said that they have to ended it with that. He had Lisa G run down some Howard 100 Headlines. They wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:30am.
Howard started the show taking a call from Bobo who waited on the phone all day long yesterday. Bobo asked how it feels now that they're going to stream his show on the internet. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's talking about. Bobo said they're working on the stream. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about still. Bobo said they're going to stream it more on the internet now. Howard said he didn't hear anything about that. Bobo said they said they're going to muscle up the streaming to strengthen it. Howard said he'd like to know why there's nothing to strengthen the growth of his hair. Howard said he really is out of it with this. He doesn't know anything about the streaming. Howard said he wishes Bobo would burn that notebook of his. He said he can go hunting for alligators instead of call him now that he's in Florida.
Howard said he did read something about the streaming but he doesn't know what it means. Fred said he was reading it and they say they can get a standalone internet radio package for $14.99 a month. Howard said Sirius is very complicated. Fred said the story makes about as much sense as Bobo. Howard said Bobo doesn't understand it and he's asking about it. Howard said he'll go on record saying he's excited about it.
Howard said he would like to know more about the company. He said he declined a seat on the board there when he signed on. He said it's a double edged sword. He said he wants to know but then he doesn't want to hear people explain it to him.
Howard said Slash is coming in today. He said they have a stack of Marshall amps in there. He said they're going to be playing. Howard said Leslie West ran into Slash somewhere and he was on some list for the greatest guitarists of all time. Howard said Slash was 60-something and Leslie was right around him. He said Slash said he was just happy to be on any list. Howard said it was on the Rolling Stones poll or something. Howard said Slash didn't think he'd be on any list.
Howard said it's so great JD has a girlfriend. He said he has an apartment and a girlfriend. He said good for you. Howard said he should be dancing around his apartment in his underwear to ''Old Time Rock And Roll'' so Fred played that while they were talking.
Howard asked if JD has shit in front of his girlfriend. JD said he did once and he had to keep the door closed to the bathroom. Howard asked if there's enough room there for that. JD said it's okay as long as the door is closed. He said he opened the window too. Howard asked if she has had to take a shit in front of him yet. JD said he doesn't think so. Robin asked how many days she's stayed there in a row. JD said it's been 3 or 4 at times.
Howard said he knows a guy who can't shit unless he's home. Howard said he's kind of like that too. He said he can't shit for a couple of days. Howard said your mind must control it. He said it has more power over you than you know. Robin said she used to wait all week in college. She said she wouldn't go at all until she got home. Howard said he had to go yesterday but not until he got home.
Howard said JD must be pinching himself that he has a girlfriend and he's in love. JD said it's great but he's not good at emoting. Howard asked if he's afraid he's going to fall in love and she's going to leave him. JD said that it's a good situation right now. He said he doesn't want to be burned. Howard said that chicks love when a guy throws himself into a relationship. Howard asked if he has said he loves her. JD said of course. He said he told them before. Howard asked when he did it for the first time. JD didn't remember. Howard asked if he did it after sex because that's the wrong time to do it. JD said he's not sure. He said this isn't the first girl who has said it to him. Howard asked who it was. JD said he didn't want to get into it. Howard said he had a girl say it to him when he was getting a lap dance. Howard said that's because he had a 20 in his hand.
Howard said JD is acting like he's told that every day. JD said he's not. Howard said he thinks this is the first girl who ever said it. He asked if JD said it first. JD said he's probably the one. Howard said he has to remember when he said it. JD said he doesn't know what to tell him. He said he doesn't have a great memory. Howard asked what the circumstances were. JD said they were probably just talking and it came out. Howard said he has to know. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said he knows. JD said it happened a couple few months ago. Howard asked what prompted him to say it. JD said he was probably looking at her and he just blurted it out. Howard asked if she said it back right away. JD said he thinks she said it back. He wasn't sure. Then he said that she has said it back to him every time he's said it to her.
Howard said he thinks that JD is afraid to jump into this thing fully. Howard said he has issues with his mom and dad. He said he won't get into that though. Howard asked what he loves about this girl. JD said that he loves the way she looks, the way she talks, her personality and that she likes movies. He said she's nice and she has a great personality. She also deals with him. He said what's not to love. Howard said he won't come to his wedding. Howard said that he wants him to know that in advance. JD said there won't be a wedding any time soon. Howard said he better get her soon.
Howard asked if she wishes she lived closer. JD said that she has said stuff like that. He said he likes being around her. Howard said this must be good enough for him. JD said they're dealing with it okay. He said for him at least. JD asked what this is. Howard said he's asking him about his life. That led to Fred doing his JD impression and goofing on him about this whole thing.
Howard said that Robin was right when she said he's wacky. Howard asked if he's going to have kids with her. JD said no. Howard asked if he wants kids. JD said he can't see any day that will happen. He said they have time. Robin told him that he doesn't have that much time. JD said she's starting her career so they can't do that. Howard said it's JD the family man. Howard asked if JD ever gives her a key. JD said they tried to get keys made but the place didn't work. He said they said they can't make it. Howard asked if he believes that. JD said that's what they told him. He said she was there. Howard asked what happens if he loses his key. JD said he has to leave it with her sometimes so he feels weird about that. JD said that he's sure he could do it but she isn't over enough to make it worth it.
Howard said it wasn't that long ago that JD blew his tax return at a strip club. JD said they don't have to get into that. He said she knows about that but he doesn't need everyone else to know. Howard said it was like 800 bucks. JD said he was a little drunk and it wasn't really worth it. Howard said the guy doesn't have a pot to piss in and he's blowing 800 bucks there.
Howard asked if JD broke the news to his webcam girlfriends that he's taken. JD said they don't know who he is. He said the people who need to know do know. Robin said that he just dumped them and they're wondering where JD is now. Howard said he left them hanging with no Bitcoin. Howard asked if it's possible that he's involved with some webcam girls. JD said he doesn't want to get into it. He said it's not happening. Howard asked what's not to get into. Howard said he should get it out there. JD said he's not talking about it. Howard said he must be cutting back on the webcam girls but he must have a few around. JD wasn't saying anything. Howard said he should beat off to YouPorn instead. JD said sometimes it's good but sometimes you like interaction. JD said that he doesn't want to get into all of this. He said everyone doesn't needed to know. He said his girlfriend knows.
Howard asked if the girlfriend knows. JD said he's not going to get into it. Howard asked if he's sticking with the old webcam girls. JD sighed. Howard asked if he's told the webcam girls he has a girlfriend. JD said they don't know who he is. He said the people who need to know, know. He said they just do. Howard asked if they're upset. JD said they're all cool with it. He said he has discussed this with his girlfriend. He said that's all he wants to say. He said he doesn't want to say what she's okay with. Gary asked if he's addicted. JD said he doesn't want to say that. Howard asked if he can quit it. JD said he wants out of this conversation. Howard said he's not letting him out of it. Howard asked if he will invite the webcam girls to the wedding. JD said no. Howard asked if the girlfriend is into it. JD said he's not getting into what anyone is into or not into.
Howard asked if she would prefer that he not webcam. JD said he doesn't know. He said she is fine and they have discussed it. Howard said she sounds like a cool girl. JD said he doesn't want this to troll back to fuck with her life or something. Howard said he's fucking with his life now. Howard said he can't leave now. He said he's got him sucked into his life. Howard said JD is beating off to the webcam girls. JD grunted like he wasn't doing that. Howard said that he thinks that Beth would have a problem with him if he had webcam girls. Howard said he may have to give that up. JD said ''whatever.''
Howard said he thinks that giving up the webcam girls would be a major thing to do for this girl. Howard asked when he was on the webcam thing. JD said it's been a couple of weeks. Howard asked if he did the freaky stuff with her. JD said he's not getting into that.
Howard asked why he doesn't just use YouPorn. JD said he can do that and he can use TubeGalore. Howard and Robin hadn't heard that name before. JD said that you can't get in it on the iPad. Howard asked why that is. JD didn't have a clear answer for that. Howard asked what the rule is. JD said he's not getting into rules. He told Howard to just move on. Howard asked if he has done any of this while his girlfriend is in the city. JD said he has not. Robin said maybe that's why he doesn't want her to move in with him. JD said she can move in. Howard asked if he has done the Facetime thing with her. JD said maybe they have. He said he's not saying what they do.
Robin asked if they have phone sex or not. JD said he isn't talking about that. Howard asked if he would be mad if she started webcamming with guys. JD said he doesn't want to think about that. JD said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't want to think about it. He said he doesn't think she'd be into it.
Howard said JD hates conversation. JD said he hates this part of it. Howard said he's trying to figure out how much he loves her. JD said he loves her a lot. Howard asked JD to suggest a topic if this isn't what he wants to talk about. JD said he brought him in there. Howard said this is the price of getting a girlfriend. He said this personality of JD's turns her on. Howard said he can't believe he's jerking off to webcam girls. Howard said he's shocked. Robin said you'd think he'd give up the live girls.
Howard said they could be with a girl all weekend and in the back of their mind they want to get back to the webcam. Robin said JD has it all now. Howard said he's like a king. Howard said weekdays are webcam and weekends are the real girl. Howard said that he's the king of his castle. Howard and Fred were goofing on JD by doing their impressions of him. JD remained silent.
Howard asked JD if he has ever had his girlfriend and then goes to the webcam that night. JD said he hasn't. He said he doesn't want to talk about this. Howard said no one is listening. Everyone is sleeping. JD said that they'll be up during the replays.
Howard asked JD if he has reduced the amount of webcam money he's spending. JD said he has. Howard asked if he would pick his girlfriend over the webcam girls. JD said yes, yes.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if JD's girlfriends clothes have been destroyed by rodents yet. JD said they haven't. Howard said mice ruined his shirts or something. JD said they had ruined a suit he had. Gary said he wore the suit to a wedding. JD said he didn't know there were holes in it until he got to the wedding. Howard said he must have so many mice that they live in his suit. Howard said he needs a key and a pied piper. Howard said he can get him a key made. JD said if it needs to be made it'll be made.
Howard asked if he has ever seen mice in the corner of his apartment. JD said that was at his old apartment and he hasn't seen that.
Howard said JD can get freaky on the webcam. He had a girl have a dog lick peanut butter off of her. JD said he doesn't want to talk about that.
The caller said that he thinks this is a webcam girl that he's dating. Howard said he didn't think of that. JD said that's not the case. JD said that she's not. Robin said she's a nun. JD said kind of. He didn't elaborate on that.
Howard said he has a clip of Adriana Chechik. He was trying to find it and Gary told him where it was but it sounded like he was eating so Howard goofed on him about that. Howard played the Adriana Chechik clip and she was telling JD what she'd let him do to her. Howard said that chick said she'd do him.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks. King said that what disturbs him is that the girlfriend wants to do it with him on the webcam. JD said he never said that. He said that he didn't even imply that. Howard said that she's playing it cool in a sense. He said that you can't come in and change JD overnight. Howard said she's trying to get him human and talking and then she'll get rid of the webcam girls. King said that will change.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that JD can't lose this girl. She said that it's a fucking nightmare to be on the dating sites. She said that she's doing that and everyone out there is a psychopath. She said that she's 40 years old and her daughter is 18. She said that she lives in a 5 mile radius of 3 colleges and she's not a cougar. She said it's a nightmare to date. She said that guys can be douches. Howard said all guys are. He said you have to put up with it. The caller said it depends on how bad it is. Howard said if JD is admitting to this on the air it has to be more than he's admitting to. Howard said he probably jerks off right after the girl leaves. JD said no. Howard said guys are like monkeys. The caller was still telling her story but Howard wasn't interested so he hung up.
Howard asked if he has ever jerked off while wearing the shirt his girlfriend bought him. JD said no. Howard said sure. Howard said he's going to let JD off the hook. He said that this girl isn't going anywhere. JD said that he doesn't want to fuck up her life. Robin said they don't even know who she is. JD said that some people know who she is and who she's dating. Howard said he appreciates his honesty. Howard said they all jerk off and they're honest about it. Howard said he thinks that JD should jerk off to TubeGalore or YouPorn. Howard said he thinks the webcam girl might be something he has to get rid of. Howard asked if he's afraid that she'll put a stop to that. JD said he doesn't think so. Howard said it's different when you jerk off to a live girl. Robin said it is. Howard said JD hasn't told certain girls that he's got a girlfriend. Robin said he's not ready to break up yet. Howard said he has a complicated life. Howard said he's being saved by the commercial.
Howard said he's going to play the clip of JD calling Riley Martin about dating him. He played that as they went to commercial.
Howard said he found the Doctor-Patient thing and it's the same guy every time. He said it's in German and they have subtitles. Howard said this girl is on a gynecological table. He said that the doctor says that she has a sex toy stuck in her. He said the doctor has to relax her. He tried some oil and put it on her vagina. Howard said she wasn't relaxing enough. Howard said then he says he can bend the rules and unzips his pants and she puts his dick in her mouth. Howard said he lowers the table so she can blow him better. By then he blew his load so he didn't see how it ended. Howard said he probably won't go back to that point. He said you feel really pervey when you try to get back to something like that. Howard said that he likes it when guys try to trick women into having sex. He said that's disturbing to him though.
Howard said he wants to get into something wholesome. He said that his wife taped the kitten bowl the other day. He said that will be on around Christmas. Howard said they had like 13 million people watch last year. Howard said they have over 100 kittens that are available to be adopted. He said you can go to North Shore Animal League to adopt them. Howard said they're celebrity kittens.
Howard said he can't get a straight answer on the iPhone. Howard said someone says the big iPhone will be delayed for 4 weeks. Howard said he ordered one. He said when there's something new out he hates his old one. He said he hates his 5s now. Howard said he was watching the Apple guy talking about the new U2 album. He said he didn't see it in his download thing. Howard said he has iTunes and he can't find it. Gary said he looked for it yesterday and didn't see it. He said his son Lucas saw it and he hated it because he didn't want it in there. He said he was annoyed that someone was in his account and did it without asking. Howard said he's not sure he'd even listen to it.
Gary said they say it's great for U2 and they're being exposed to a lot of younger people. Gary said a lot of people are upset about it being automatically downloaded. Robin said that if you delete it you can never download it again.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he heard they were paid like $100 million. Jon said he didn't hear. He told Howard where the music should be. Howard said maybe he doesn't know how to interpret it. He said it can't take up that much space. Jon said it's not that much.
Howard said he read that Lindsay Lohan was talking about working in a morgue and how she got to touch Whitney Houston while she was there. Howard said imagine she was doing community service and she got to do that. Robin asked why she was in a morgue. Howard wondered why that's community service.
Robin said Lindsay claims that she was working 12 hour shifts in the morgue when she came across the body. Robin said Lindsay said that some people weren't able to handle it so they let her handle it. Howard said that's because she's famous. Howard said he had no idea that they did that for community service.
Gary said that Sharon Osbourne is trashing the shit out of U2 over this Apple thing. Gary read some of her comments and she was going off on them about their business practices and about their mediocre music.
Howard asked if Eric is in an episode. Yucko said his image is and they recorded his audio. He said they went to Sacramento to record it but it doesn't sound that great.
Howard asked if Eric knows what he's talking about. Eric was on the phone. He said that he didn't know about this. Howard said he doesn't understand this. He said they hired Eric to do the show and they know what he sounds like. Yucko said that the executives on the show are fans of Eric's. He said he was doing him a favor by putting him on the show and it just doesn't sound that great. Robin asked when he would sound great. Howard said that's the funny part of him not sounding great. Yucko said they named him Wheelie Dan on the show.
Howard told Yucko he doesn't have to go through all of this to plug his show. Howard said just watch the show tonight. Yucko said it's called Brickleberry. Howard let Yucko go after that.
Howard asked what's up with Eric. Eric said he wanted to set the record straight about the ALS challenge. Howard said no one cares about that either. Howard said no one is thinking about him. Eric said he's being called a liar by people on the internet, Gary and other people. Howard said Gary said he heard that the money he donated was given to him by someone in the audience. Howard said Eric took the money and gave it to ALS and that's fine. He said they're proud of him. Howard said $100 to ALS is good. Eric said the last time he was on Gary said he wanted to see the receipt. Howard said Gary says dumb things too. Howard said Gary doesn't need to see a receipt.
Eric said that Johnny screwed up again and he won't be in L.A. like he was supposed to be. Howard didn't seem to care about that either. Howard said Eric should take responsibility for himself and not blame other people. Eric said that this is Jon's last week being there with him. He said his parents are going to take care of him from now on. Eric said he'll still call in. Howard said that Jon takes care of him and bathes him. Eric said he drives him and doesn't bathe him. Howard asked why Jon is leaving. Eric said that he has to take care of his parents in Arkansas. Howard said Jon is a good dude. He said he must resent all of these people. Howard asked how he's going to make a living taking care of his parents. Eric said they collect the same kind of money he does. He said they'll give Jon money like they did for him there in Sacramento.
Howard said if Eric was born in China he would have been thrown in a river. Howard said in this country they give you an assistant. Howard said they pay for it and take care of you. Howard said in China that would never happen. Eric said this was going to be his last trip to L.A. with Jon. He said now he has to figure out how to do it with his parents. Eric said his dad was the one who went with him to American Dreams. Howard said when he wants to do anything with girls they won't do anything with him. Howard said Jon was the key to all of that. Eric said he's out of the Bunny Ranch. He said he can't go to high elevation. Howard said if they move to a low elevation he still won't be able to go. Howard said maybe Jon's parents will go soon and he'll be able to come back.
Howard said maybe Eric can move to Arkansas with Jon. Eric said it won't be easy to get to Los Angeles. Howard said he can fly there. Howard said it's so great that the country pays for a guy like Jon. Howard said even if he moved in with Jon and his parents he could fly around with him.
Eric said Jon is coming back for a reunion at some point so maybe he can do something then. Howard said that maybe KC can help him out. Eric said he doesn't think that would work. Howard said maybe Beetlejuice could help. Eric said that won't work one little bit. Howard said maybe Gary the Conqueror.
Howard asked what Jon did for him. Eric said he cleaned up and helped him. Robin said maybe Bigfoot could help. Howard said he needs someone there with some sense. Howard said he feels for Eric. He said he may not get any girls now. He said it won't be the same. Howard said he should look for a new Jon. Howard said that turns him into a boy again and not a man. Howard said he can find another Jon. Eric said maybe.
Howard said maybe that guy Gonzo Shitcock can do it. Howard picked up on him. Gonzo said he has a job. Howard asked what it pays. Eric said he doesn't remember but it pays every 2 weeks. Robin asked if it's a 24 hour a day job. Eric said it is. Howard said just imagine Gonzo quits his job and moves in with Eric. Gonzo said that may not be a good career move. Howard said maybe Wendy the Slow Adult could do it. Howard said he has to go. He asked what Gonzo has to say. Gonzo said that he heard that Eric didn't donate to ALS. He said he admitted that to him. Eric said that was the night before he did. Howard said he has to go. He let the two of them go and played them out with a Gonzo theme song.
Eric said he was supposed to meet the Jacksons and Ashley Tisdale and now he won't get to. He said that she was in the Zac Efron ALS video. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard asked why he was going to meet the Jacksons. Howard said the rest of the family doesn't matter and Michael is dead. Howard asked how Johnny screwed this up. Eric said he didn't get things arranged in time. Howard said Eric should move in with the Jacksons and let them cook him dinner.
Eric said he was supposed to meet one other person that he won't mention on the air. He said the fans will start harassing the person. Howard asked who he was. Eric said he'll have to talk to him off air. Howard said he doesn't care that much. Howard asked why they would harass this person. Eric said they did that to a lot of women he was talking to. He said he was blocked from all of them. Howard said he thinks he was blocked because he was being a pain in the ass. Howard said he called Diana DeGarmo's house over and over. Eric said that was long, long ago before he met her in person. Howard asked if he had a girlfriend would he still webcam. Eric said no. Howard said that's what he thought. They played Eric out with a theme song. Howard played Eric taking the ice bucket challenge too. It was a bit where Sal played Eric and got electrocuted as he poured the water on his power chair. They played a couple of other song parodies about Eric too.
Howard said he's sure Eric's parents are thrilled they have to take care of Eric now. Howard said they called Gary the Conqueror on 9/11 and asked how he was handling the anniversary. Howard said this is how he spent it. Howard played the clip of Gary saying something unintelligible.
Mariann said that she saw the cover of the Yoda book (''Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens'') and it looks great. Howard said he talked about that and Beth will get behind it and really promote it. He said it's coming out in November but there is a pre-order thing now. Howard let Mariann go after that. Howard said that he's not sure why she knows what's happening on that show and he doesn't.
Howard said he has audio of Wolfie at a KISS convention. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a woman about who she thinks is more talented, Paul Stanley or Paul McCartney and she said Paul Stanley. Howard said he's not sure who cares about KISS. Gary said that Sal came into his office giving him some details about who cares about them. Howard said the fact that Sal is a fan shows you something.
Howard played more of the interviews Wolfie did and people were talking about how much they love the band. Howard said he never got that band. He said it might be a fun show if you like a theatrical thing. Fred said he judges them on their musical talent though and that's where they don't stand up.
Howard played more of the interviews Wolfie did and people were talking about the stuff they were buying there. Howard said there were some girls there too. Robin said they have a TV show on now. She said they bought into some arena football team and there's a show all about that. Howard said he had to take a break after that. As they went to break they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Bigfoot using clips of Benjy talking about Howard's body.
Howard came back and said they're in for a real treat. He said he just heard the boys rehearsing their new song. Howard said that Slash was just doing the song during the break. Howard said he should have just turned him on. Howard asked what the name of the band is. Slash said it's Slash featuring Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators. He said they're calling it SMK and C.
Howard said the riffs Slash comes up with are so great. Howard asked if he came up with the music for the album. Slash said they worked on it together. He said that Miles does some of it too. Howard asked if it makes him nuts that he can't sing his own songs. Slash said no. He said he can sing. He doesn't like singing though. He said he does some of the back up singing. He said he did it in Guns N' Roses too but he doesn't want that kind of pressure. He said he's not outspoken enough for that. He said that you sing about your inner most feelings and thoughts in song and it's really foreign to him. He said he can't even talk about how he feels.
Howard said the band has a really cool look. He asked if they hire based on that. Slash said that's part of it. Howard said he heard that Slash's son is embarrassed by him. Slash said that's the way it is with kids. He said the pinnacle of cool isn't him. He said that's not what they're into these days. Howard said that he would have thought that's what kids would be into. Howard said that would be a good reality show with Slash and the kids. Slash told him not to give anyone any ideas. He said he doesn't want those phone calls.
Howard asked if the kids know who he is. Slash said they do and they like coming to shows. He said he jumps around and that's the only place they see that.
Howard asked Slash how long he hasn't been drinking. Slash said it's been 8 years. Howard said he remembers when he was in his movie he was a drinker. Slash said that was 24/7 back then. Howard asked what he takes his time up with now. Slash said he writes songs. He said it's been a good tradeoff.
Howard said Slash has written some of the greatest riffs of all time. Howard said he may be the last remaining guitar god. Robin said something and Slash asked where she was. Howard said she's around. Howard played Guns N Roses ''Welcome to the Jungle'' and said this is the greatest riff of all time. Howard asked if this was written in a van. Slash said it was actually written in his mom's basement. Howard asked if it happens quickly. Slash said you just noodle around and you mess around and eventually go for it.
Howard asked if he took guitar lessons. Slash said he did but then he quit because he saw how to do it and just did it. Slash said he has taken lessons and you just have to apply yourself. He said he took lessons in steel pedal and you have to know that.
Howard played Guns N' Roses Mr. Brownstone and said that was another great riff. Slash said that was actually an Izzy riff. Howard said it's a great one. Slash said here's another one from Slash. He played ''Paradise City.'' Slash said it's so slow. He said they play it live and it's much faster. Howard asked if it was too slow when they recorded it. Slash said it was fine back then.
Howard asked if Slash is a religious man. Slash said he's not really. He said he has beliefs in a higher being. Slash said he had a stalker who said he stole his stuff telepathically and he had to go to court over that. He said the judge said ''Uh huh...'' to that guy.
Howard said Slash said that he thought the lyrics for that song should have been ''Where the girls are fat and they have big titties'' but he was turned down.
Howard played some of ''Sweet Child o' Mine'' and asked Slash about that. Slash told Howard he was doing a guitar thing just messing around and it came out like that. He said if you have to over think it then the spirit of it is lost.
Howard asked slash if he has a riff in his head that they haven't been able to figure out to do anything with it. Slash said they have one on this record that he has out now. He said it's on Dirty Girl. He said he forgets how it goes. Howard asked if they have to go out and rehears their songs before they go on tour. Slash said they do. He said they do it for like 2 days and then go on tour and then it's like second nature to them.
Howard asked Myles if he likes singing these songs. Myles said he does. Howard said he has the hardest job because he has to remember the lyrics. Myles said it is tough. He said that the guys like to rehears and he comes in and does less than they do. Slash said he forgets how he does things so he has to rehearse.
Howard asked if Slash can read music. Slash said he can't. He said that it's a good skill to have though. Howard asked Slash about meeting guys like Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin. Slash said he met him at some awards show or something. Howard asked what he says to him. Slash said they went out drinking. Howard said that not drinking must slow down his social life.
Howard said Slash has worked with so many people. He said he worked with Michael Jackson and James Brown. Howard said that James was a ball buster in the studio. Slash said they did some gigs together and he watched how he worked his band and it was pretty formidable. He said that he felt comfortable with him though. He said he gets so much adrenaline when he's on stage. Slash said he just wants to do a good job. Howard said it's nice to know a guitar virtuoso is nervous like that. He said that you think that they're not. Slash said Joe Perry is like that. He said he looks really comfortable on stage.
Howard asked when he knew he was a great guitar player. Slash said you don't. He said you just jump at an opportunity and act like you're great. Howard asked if he knows Eddie Van Halen. Slash said he does and they get along great. He said they never talk about music when they're together. He said they spend so much time doing it that you don't want to talk about it.
Howard asked Slash if he ever talks politics with Jimmy Page. Slash said it does come up. He said they don't talk about it a lot. Howard asked if they compare notes on girls they've fucked. Slash said they don't really do that either. He started to say something about what they say about girls but stopped himself.
Slash said he had an incident last time he was up there. He said that someone there had shared the same woman with him. Howard asked if it was the birthday show. Slash said he won't say. He said he has to live with that. Slash said he'll tell Howard later. Howard said there must have been a stank on the girl. Slash said he didn't talk to the guy when he saw him. He said he figured it out after he saw him there.
Howard said Slash played for Bob Dylan and they didn't end up using his track. Slash said he was asked to do the Dylan session after he did an Iggy Pop thing. He said he thought he played a great one off solo on it and he wanted a rough mix. He said he got it a couple of days later. He said that he didn't hear his solo in there. He said Bob thought it sounded too much like Guns N' Roses so he didn't use it. Howard asked if that's insulting. Slash said it was actually kind of cool.
Howard asked if they pay him big money for that. Slash said it's a scale thing. He said that was back in 1989 or so and he wasn't that big of a deal.
Slash said Alice Cooper had him play on ''Hey Stupid'' and that was cool. He said he's been friends with Aerosmith for a long time but it was cool to get to play with Steven Tyler at the birthday show. Howard said that was so cool. He said it was just fucking awesome. He said he got a guitar from Slash too. Howard said that Steven gets an energy from Slash. He said that he doesn't do that with many guys. He said he thinks that Steven uses him to make Joe Perry jealous. Slash said he didn't get that. He said he can't imagine Steven doing that. Howard said Joe is a great guitar player. Slash said he's phenomenal. He said that both Joe and Brad are so good. He said they are underrated because they're such great rock and roll guitar players. He said everyone is worried about skills and techniques. He said these guys play loose and really cool.
Howard said Leslie West wrote to him about the Rolling Stone poll. Slash said he wasn't in there before that so he was glad he was on the list at all. Howard asked if it frustrates him. Slash said you can't take yourself that seriously. Howard said it's nice to get recognition though. Slash said he doesn't care that much. He said it's not that big of a deal.
Howard played some of Slash's guitar playing from Guns N' Roses ''November Rain'' and said that's great. Howard said that he listens to that at least once a day. Howard played more from later in the song and said he gets chills from that. Howard asked Slash if that's one of the coolest things he's ever done. Slash said it was a pretty good solo. Howard asked where that came from. Slash told Howard he was playing acoustic and it came from that. He said that it was like a one take kind of thing too. He said that it was the melody he came up from the beginning.
Howard asked if he auditioned for Poison in the 1980s. Slash said he did. He said that guy Matt left the band before CC started. He said that he was told to go audition so he did but he didn't wear the right clothes. He said there was a conflict of interest there. He said he saw CC walk in fully made up and he knew he was going to be the guy.
Howard said that Slash's new album is coming out and it's called ''World On Fire''. Slash said they always have CNN on while they're working and they saw the Malaysian flight going down and it just seemed like a good title for the album.
Howard asked Myles if he can sing this early. Myles said he's never tried it this early. Howard said that Todd Kearns is on Bass. He said they have Frank on rhythm guitar. Howard said that Brent Fitz is on drums. Howard asked Slash if he's ready. Slash said he's going to give it a try. This is the song ''World on Fire'' from the album of the same name. They went right into the song.
After the song Howard said that was great. Howard said that was fucking rock and roll. He said he loves that. Robin said they all managed to do well this morning. Howard said the combined voices of Myles and Todd were very good. Howard said that they were singing very well together. Howard said that they sing harmonies. Howard said no one does that anymore.
Howard said they fist bumped at the end of that song. Myles said it is 8:30 in the morning so it's tough. Todd said that Myles did the vocals and then he came in to work the rest out. Howard asked if Myles was in a choir as a child. Myles said he wasn't. Howard said he can sing his ass off.
Howard said Slash's guitar playing is faster than ever. Slash said this particular song is kind of fast. Slash said he actually had the wrong pickup on when he started the song. Howard asked if the guys noticed. They didn't.
Howard asked Slash if he thinks he'll lose it as he gets older. Slash said he hopes not. He said you can lose interest and passion for it. Robin asked how long he spends with the guitar now. Slash said it's constant. He said he just loves guitar. Howard asked if he plays a couple hours a day. Slash said he does whatever he can. He said he makes stuff up all the time. Howard said they sounded great.
Slash said that Myles sang on his first solo album. He explained how they call came together and how they were all singing together. He said they're all great and that's worth the price of admission.
Howard said he can't get the band name right. Slash gave him the name of the band the right way. Howard said they sound great.
Howard said maybe Apple can give away their album like they did with U2. Slash said he doesn't know the logistics of that.
Gary came in and said that Myles Davis wrote some stuff for Led Zeppelin and there were rumors that he was going to sing with the band. Myles said that was back in 2008 and he spent like a week with Jimmy and John Paul Jones. He said that it was amazing to hang out and do that. Myles said he got a text from Jason Bonham who asked him to do him a favor. He said that he was there with the boys and they were rehearsing and asked him to come to London to hang out with them.
Howard said Slash is sitting there playing guitar to that. He said he must have a problem with that story. Slash told Howard how he met Myles and how he knew him before he was in Velvet Revolver. Howard asked what happened with the Led Zeppelin project. Myles said he guesses they decided not to do it. He said they brought Steven Tyler in and didn't do that either. He said they just left it alone. He said they weren't going to call it Led Zeppelin. He said they would have called it something else.
Howard asked if Jimmy Page still has great riffs. Myles said he does. He said that they were playing and he heard this crazy jazz piano stuff and it was them. He said he was trying to keep his cool but he was just about peeing his pants being there with them. Slash said you can't make them uncomfortable by tripping out on them. He said you have to be cool and just relax.
Howard said that's a great thing though. He said to sit there for a week like that is great. He said he did it for nothing though. Myles said he came up with lyrics off the cuff. Howard said he'd think he'd be nervous as shit doing that. Myles said he was at first. He said he loosened up though and he just didn't let the nerves ruin it for him.
Myles said that he could hear Slash's son playing guitar and he's got his dad's talent. He said he heard him playing some White Stripes. Slash said that's his son London who was playing that. Howard said that's a cool name for a kid. Howard asked what his other son's name is. Slash said it's Cash.
Howard said that the name of the album is ''World On Fire'' and the band is great. Howard said he thinks they have a future. Howard said it was great seeing them. Howard said that he really appreciates Slash doing the birthday bash.
Slash was still wondering where Robin was. Robin told him not to worry about where she is. Slash said his mind goes crazy thinking about that when she says that.
Howard said that this is Slash's latest project. Howard asked if he's still into the snake thing. Slash said he is but his snake is at the Nashville zoo right now. He doesn't have time to take care of it.
Howard asked Slash if he told Paul Stanley to fuck off. Slash said that this has come up a lot lately. He said that it happened in the 80s and he did an interview with the L.A. Times and said some derogatory things about him. He said about 6 months later he called up Paul and asked him something and he'd forgotten about what he said. He said they didn't speak for like 15 years. Howard said he says stuff on the air and forgets about it. He said he's just bull shitting on the air and he doesn't mean any of the stuff he says. Slash said that's how it was for him. Slash said that he wasn't into KISS back then but he is now. He said that it was just one of those weird things.
Howard said the guys really hit it with that song today. He wished them luck with their album. Howard said coming up next they'll figure out who the guy was who banged the same girl as Slash. They went to break after that.
Howard said Mike Tyson was out promoting something up in Canada and a reporter brought up the rape charges and Mike went off on the guy. Howard said Mike looked like he was going to pop him like a pimple. Howard played the clip and Mike was talking about visiting Toronto and Mayor Ford. Then the reporter says that Mike is a convicted rapist. Mike said he has no comment for that. He said he's being negative. Mike said he comes across as a nice guy but he's really a piece of shit. The reporter said that they're on live TV so he has to watch that. Mike said he didn't care. Mike said his show speaks for itself. The reporter asked if he's more nervous about that or boxing. Mike said it's more nerve wracking talking to a piece of shit. He ended it with a ''fuck you.'' Howard said he bets he sold a lot of tickets with that appearance.
Howard said that he was telling Slash about how he has to go work on AGT tonight until 11. He said Slash said he has some work ethic.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at the birthday show and it was great seeing it. Howard said he wonders how the song sounded on the show today. He said he will go see their live show because they're so good to watch. Howard said the bass player was singing and they nailed it. He said they fist bumped because they did so good.
The caller said on 9/11 he listens to Howard's old show because it takes you back to that day. Howard said he can't listen to it. He said he has to turn the radio off. He said it makes him so angry to hear it. Howard said the level of anger that lives inside him over that... Howard said that there's a guy he knew who died in that building. Howard said he knew him in college and high school. Howard said he considered the guy a friend even though he fucked his girlfriend behind his back. Howard said what can you do about that. Howard said he never held a grudge because he was 50 times better looking than him. He said he had a bigger cock too. Howard said the guy had a catering business and he happened to be there that morning catering a breakfast. Howard said he reads his name every year and he gets so fucking pissed off. He said Beth had a friend who died in there too. He said his last name starts with an M and they stare at the names in the paper every year.
The caller said it's unbelievable how horrible that was. He said that he's heard Howard talk about TM for years and he has looked into it. He said that he knows he and his wife would benefit from it. He said he didn't know it was over 2 grand to learn it. Howard said that it is 2 grand but there isn't a day in his life that he doesn't thank the universe for Transcendental Meditation. Howard said he had to pay a couple hundred bucks for his. He said that they never asked for another dime after that. Howard said they need the money to teach it. Howard said that it works for the rest of your life. Howard said 2 grand is a lot of money but it's a one time payment. Howard said you can use it the rest of your life. Howard said it changed his life. Howard said it makes you feel good. Howard said if you spread it over the course of years then it's not that much. Howard said he enjoys it. Howard said TM changed his mother and it works for him too. He said he's been using it since he was 18. Howard said it can change your life.
Howard let the caller go and took another call from a woman who said she wanted to say that he's awesome. She said she has an hour commute to work and Howard makes it great. Howard thanked her for that.
Howard said he has a bunch of other things to play. He said he has to get to the news too. Howard said it's hard to choose. Howard said he has some Robin songs. Robin said they don't have to do that. Howard played a quick Robin song and then a Baba Booey song parody. Howard said that was from The Natural. He said that was Daniel Mendelson. Howard said Daniel did Phantom Booey too. He played that one as well.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult has been calling in and singing into the phone. Howard said she might be drinking. He said it's hard to tell when a retarded person is drinking. Howard played some of her voice mails where she's singing and doing a parrot voice. Howard said this woman baby sits for like 6 kids.
Howard said the name of her band could be Guns N' Retards. Howard said this goes on all day long in their voice mail. Howard said she must do it at night because it's full in the morning. Howard said she could call herself David Lee Retard. Howard said this is also a good commercial for using a rubber.
Howard said that Wendy called in and asked Gary about something. He said it sounds like she's sober in this one. Howard said the porn neighbors have to hear all of that too. Wendy asked for one of those things you ride on with a helmet. Howard said he thinks when you're retarded everything you ride on needs a helmet. Wendy wasn't sure what the thing was called. Howard said she might be talking about a Segway. Howard said you can't look like a bigger douche bag than when you're on a Segway. Howard said he has more to get to but he has to get to news. He did a quick live commercial read and then went to a quick break.
Robin read a story about Robin Thicke making news today. Robin said he's disclaiming credit for writing Blurred Lines. Robin said that he claims he was on Vicodin and was high. Robin said that he says he didn't have much to do with the creation of the song. Robin said that he's saying that he just liked that Marvin Gaye song ''Gotta Give It Up'' with Pharrell. Robin said there's a big lawsuit over the song from the Gaye family. Robin said that Thicke is saying that Pharrell did most of the writing. Robin said Pharrell is saying that he wrote it but Robin Thicke had a lot to do with what it became. Howard said that shows how great slash is. He said he wrote just about every song on drugs. Robin had some audio of Blurred Lines and the Marvin Gaye song that they claim was ripped off. Howard said he doesn't think it's the same song. Howard said he was playing both and Beth did think it was Blurred Lines when he played the Marvin Gaye song. Howard said he doesn't really give a fuck who wrote it. Howard played a song parody about Robin to the tune of Blurred Lines that Psych did.
Robin read a story about Joan Rivers being in the news and they're saying that she was having some trouble with her voice. She said that she wanted to know what her problem was when she had that endoscopy. Robin said they say in some reports that the doctor thought he saw something on her vocal chords and he decided to do a biopsy. Robin said that may have caused the problems that led to her death. Robin said they say that the autopsy hasn't found a cause of death. Howard said they say they shouldn't have been doing a biopsy there at the clinic. Robin said if she was in a hospital she'd probably still be alive.
Howard read some email and said that people liked hearing the Joan Rivers talk. He said Gavin Rossdale got some positive feedback too. Howard said people are writing in about Scott the Engineer smoking again. Howard said that someone said Scott has COPD and smoking again means that he's a DOPE. Howard said someone did some math and found that he's spent a lot of money on cigarettes and he's always claiming he's poor. Scott came in and said that these people have to get a fucking life. Howard played a song parody about Scott by Memet Walker. Howard said that someone in the email brought up it was 9/11 and it was the same day Scott went bowling. Howard played another Scott the Engineer song parody about his smoking.
Robin read about what Jerry Seinfeld is saying about Joan Rivers. Robin said he was going to have her on his show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Robin said that she had delayed that appearance to have that procedure done on her throat. Howard said Yucko was going to put her in Brickleberry with Eric the Actor.
Robin read about The View with the new cast. She said that everyone is reviewing it today and trying it figure out what it will be like. Robin said some people are saying that it's tamer than they expected. Robin read about some of the new cast of the show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some audio of a woman commenting about the Ray Rice NFL controversy. The woman was talking about what her daughter was asking her about it. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about what's going on with the NFL and how they're working with people to sort everything out over the domestic violence thing. Robin said that they're also working on the child abuse thing too.
Robin read a story about Kent State students who are angry at a clothing producer that created a shirt with bullet holes and blood on it. Howard said he thinks it's in really bad taste. Robin wondered who came up with that concept. Howard blamed Fred.
Robin read about what John McCain is saying about the battle against ISIS. Robin said he says it reminds him of the Vietnam war. Howard said it is a quagmire. They spent a little time talking about that whole situation.
Robin read a story about pain killer related deaths being on the decline. Robin also read a story about some of the casino closings in Atlantic City. Howard said that he believes that. He said the whole idea of going somewhere to gamble is crazy. Robin said she thinks that the local communities are letting people gamble at home. Howard said he lost his entire desire to gamble. He said he used to like playing cards but not for a lot of money. Howard said his family didn't do that anyway. He said he doesn't care anymore though. He said he doesn't like it. Robin said that there were 12 casinos in Atlantic City at the start of the year. When Trump closes it's only going to be 8. Robin said this is the only way Atlantic City can survive. Howard said they should be on how many will close this year. He did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Billy Crystal joining Chuck Schumer in trying to get some trees put back in the city after they were destroyed by Hurricane Sandy last year.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus releasing a cover of a Led Zeppelin song. Howard said he wasn't looking for a cover of that but he likes the song. He said she's talented. Howard played the song and Fred played some of Benjy's screams over it. Howard said he loves that song. Robin said she's getting mixed reviews of the song. Howard said he likes it when Benjy comes in on that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 9:55am.
Jon said he wanted to start off talking about JD and his girlfriend. Jon played a clip from the segment where JD was talking to Howard about the webcam thing. Jon said he wasn't comfortable talking about that. He said his memory was grey on the ''I love you'' conversation too. He played another clip of that too. Jon asked JD to take them to the moment when he thinks he told the woman he loved her. JD said he doesn't remember exactly. He said he doesn't have the greatest memory. He said he can't remember what he did yesterday never mind 4 months ago.
Sal said he thinks everyone remembers when they said they love someone. He said JD has to remember it. He said he finds it odd that he doesn't. He said he finds it odd that he admits he goes on the webcams. JD said he wishes he could lie but he can't. He said he feels he needs to answer it. Sal said he has to learn to surf around that stuff. Gar said it's way too late in life to be doing that. Gary said it's great for the show though.
Sal asked JD if she eats his ass. JD said he won't get into anything sexual about her. Jon asked if the girlfriend is listening and if she's reaching out. JD said she does and she told him not to worry about anything that was said today. He said she loves him. Jon said that even when he gives out information like being addicted to porn on the web she's fine with it. JD laughed and said he guesses so.
Gary asked if they ever talk about why he needs to watch that stuff. JD said they've been up front about that stuff. Gary asked if he'd stop it if she asked him to. JD said that he'd say okay and stop. Jon asked if she was aware of this prior to today. JD said everyone who needs to know things knows. JD said she was aware. Jon asked if anything will change after today. JD said not that he thinks. Sal told him to come to them in 6 months and let them know.
Jon asked if he's addicted to webcam porn. JD said that's his preference. He said he doesn't like regular porn as much. He said you're kind of out of that. Sal asked if he knows the girls on a personal basis. JD said no.
Gary asked JD how often he does it in an average month. JD said maybe once or twice a week. He said he's alone a lot during the week. Gary asked if he asked JD today to give it up for a month, could he do it? JD said probably. Jon asked how much this costs him. JD said he's done. He's not talking about that. Jon quickly moved on. Sal asked if she's paying the rent yet. JD said she didn't move in.
Jon said there's a story about this woman who calls herself the naked therapist. He said that she's helping clients all over the world and she believes that internet porn changes the way men see women. Jon asked JD if he would be willing to spend an hour with this woman to cure his addiction. Gary asked JD if he thinks he has a problem. JD said when he's in a moment he wants to do it. He said if that's a problem he doesn't know. JD said he doesn't want to talk about this anymore.
Jon asked Sal if he feels extra creepy with certain types of porn like Howard said he does. Sal said of course. He said that as soon as you're done you feel like a degenerate. He said that he gets where Howard is going with that. Sal said that the crazier the porn is the more fun it can be. Sal said that he's seen orgy porn that is really crazy. He said he enjoyed it at the moment but it sounds crazy talking about it now. Jon asked if he feels addicted to porn. Sal said he thinks he's just a guy. He said guys just like porn. He said that porn has saved his marriage.
Jon asked if internet speed has ever affected his porn watching. He said he wants to talk about that because of the net neutrality controversy. JD said he's lost his internet. He said that his modem is garbage. JD said streaming videos and stuff can slow it down.
Jon asked if any types of porn make JD feel creepy. JD said there are some things he watches for the show that are creepy. He said there's a guy who sets up a cam in the room and waits for the maid to show up. He jerks off on the bed. Sal said one time a guy showed up and the guy blew him.
Gary said that Sal likes a guy named Rocco and he punches women. Sal said he has never seen him punch a woman. He said he slaps them with an open hand. Sal said he's the king of ass to mouth. He said he does these things where he feeds one like a seal after taking his cock out of the other girl's ass. He said it's great.
Gary said Sal likes degradation. Jon said speaking of that he wanted to get back to JD. He asked JD if it bothers him that Howard didn't believe that he had other ''I loves yous'' in his life. JD said that he tries to be fairly private in his life. He said Howard wouldn't know. Gary said this is the first time JD has talked about being in a relationship. Gary said he didn't think he had been in one before.
Jon asked Sal if he remembers the first time he said ''I Love you'' to a girl. Sal said he doesn't really. He said he remembers the girl though. He said he broke up with her before the holidays and got back in with her after the holidays. He said she eventually dumped him over that. Jon asked if he has looked her up since. Sal said he has bumped into her and she's a nice girl. Jon said they had to take a quick break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that there is a generational gap with that type of thing. He said JD is much younger and in his 30s. Ronnie said for him she should know if she's living with him. He said that if he's there then she should know it. He said he shouldn't have to say it. He said once in a while he'll do it. Ronnie said Stephanie can say it 87 times a day and he feels it's repetitious. He said he understands that Sal has issues so he won't even go there with him. Sal said if a girl eats his ass she wants to hear ''I love you.'' Ronnie said he knows that Sal is jealous over there. He said he can't even get a blow job. He said that's why he's walking around with his hand down his pants all the time. He said Sal is so horny.
Jon asked Sal if he's jealous of Ronnie and Stephanie. Sal said he would love to have what he has. He said you have to look at your life and work with what you have. He said that he thinks any man would like to have that. Sal said if a girl is going to go the distance and shove her tongue up your ass she wants to hear ''I love you.''
Gary asked if she's raising your kids and cooking dinner. Sal said of course. He said that if Ronnie says ''I love you'' then where is that coming from. He said a woman needs to hear it. Ronnie said that's just not him though. He said it doesn't make him cringe and he doesn't mind saying it once in a while. He said if he feels they're together and for a good reason they don't have to say it all the time.
Jon asked Ronnie if he still watches VHS on TV. Ronnie said he has VHS porn in the house. He said he has a machine that plays DVD and VHS.
Jon asked Ronnie if he feels creepy after watching certain types of porn. Ronnie said not really. He said he has some crazy stuff. He said there's a girl who squirts really high and he loves that. Jon asked if he watches that stuff on his own. Ronnie said they watch normal porn together. He said he doesn't watch the crazy stuff.
Jon asked JD if he watches porn with his girl. JD said they might. He said he doesn't want to talk about that stuff. He told him to stop going into that.
Sal told JD he should do all of the crazy stuff now while he can. He said in a few months things are going to change anyway. He said that he's going to end up watching her shows on TV and all of that. JD said that's already happening.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Sal has ever jerked off to people shitting on each other. Sal said he can't stand that. He said the pee porn is okay but the shit stuff turns him off. He said that bestiality turns him off as well. Sal said he doesn't like young kids involved in it like Gary does. Gary said he's not into teen stuff. He doesn't watch anything with kids in it.
Jon asked what the guys think about Eric losing Jon and having his parents taking care of him. Gary didn't know the details of that. Sal said he thinks he would look for a woman to take care of him instead of a guy. Gary said that's called a prostitute. Sal said that there are women out there who hire Jamaican nurses to jerk them off. Sal said he knows one or two situations. He said that if he were Eric he would go on a web site and look for someone to feed and clean him and give him a hand job once in a while.
Jon said that the dynamic between Eric and Jon is like two friends. He said he thinks that Eric is going to miss that. Ronnie said it's like he's losing his best friend.
Jon asked Ronnie what he sees as the potential pitfalls there. Ronnie said with Jon he's able to go do things and now he won't be able to. Jon asked Gary if his participation in the show is going to wane now. Gary said it could. He said they'll have to see.
Jon asked Sal what he thinks about that dynamic. Sal told a story about Gary the Conqueror and what went on with him and his handlers. He said that most of the time the relationships with the Wack Packers are great. Gary said that Shuli has some great stories about Beetlejuice that he should tell sometime. They had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Gary if he has talked to his kids about how he'd like to be taken care of when he's elderly. Gary said he thinks it's too soon for that. He said that his kids see their grandmother and how she's taken care of in a home.
Jon asked Ronnie if he has had that discussion. Ronnie said he hasn't but Stephanie wants to. He said he doesn't want to talk about it at all. Ronnie said he has sons too. Gary said he could be debilitated tomorrow. He asked who makes the decision on how he's taken care of. Ronnie said they're actually going through that now. He said he has to straighten all of that out.
Sal asked if Jon had that discussion after his scare. Jon said he did. He said he freshened up his will and all of that. He said if he dropped dead he thinks his parents would take care of his son and if he marries again some day then his wife would do that. He said you have to have a living will.
Jon said that ''Stash'' was great in the studio today. Ronnie said that's the second time he made that mistake. Jon said he's thinking of a DJ he worked with whose name was Stash. Jon said that Slash was great today and he has worked with Steven Tyler and he's opening up for Aerosmith. Gary said that Howard asked him the question about who the big guitar rock gods are out there. Gary said that Slash is the one Howard named but there aren't iconic guys out there like him. Gary asked who fills that void. Sal said Ace Frehley. Sal said that Rock is really diminished these days and it's hard to say who is going to break out. He said that no one seems to be ready to do that.
Gary said they were at the MTV Video Music Awards and there really isn't any rock there. He said someone said Maroon 5 is as close as they get and they don't really rock. He said Adam can rock but they're not really a rock band.
Jon said that Gary has booked guests for many years and how does the early morning show affect getting guests. Gary said it can be tough. He said they did a great job this morning and that shows how insanely talented they are.
Jon said that they have some Howard 100 News headlines from Mike Hambrick now. Mike was in and ran down a few headlines for today's news. The guys got in some plugs and they ended the show around 10:50am.
Johnny Ramone Misses His Final Interview. 09/17/04. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''It's Just Wrong Home Game'' commercial parody, Bryan Adams performs a medley of songs live in the studio.
Howard was back after taking a day off for Rosh Hashana. He said that Tommy Ramone would be calling in today to say a few words about Johnny Ramone who died a couple of days ago. Howard claims that Johnny was actually supposed to be a guest on the show today but he passed away before that was supposed to happen. He said he wasn't kidding about that either. He said Johnny wanted Howard to be his last interview. Will came in and told Howard that he was in contact with his people over the weekend and they told him early in the week that they didn't think Johnny was going to make it to Friday but it was too late at that point to get him on the show.
Howard talked about going to Rick Rubin's house one time and meeting a bunch of actors who were so busy e-mailing people on their Blackberry's that they barely gave him the time of day. He said next time he goes there he will have to bring his own Blackberry to fit in with everyone else. The time he went there he was with Angie Everhart and they went to watch some old comedy movie but it wasn't even that good. He got all bummed out that day. It was a real weird night according to him. He was telling the story because he had met Johnny Ramone at Rick's house another time and that was a fun party. He heard that Johnny had been diagnosed with cancer about 10 years ago. Joey Ramone also died and he heard that Joey and Johnny were not talking for a long time because of a girl. He thought that he'd read that Joey had a girlfriend that Johnny stole and married but he wasn't sure if that was actually what happened. It led to a 15 year silence according to Fred. Fred said he wasn't sure about the marriage part but Joey did lose a girl to Johnny.
Howard said he was out in Las Vegas years ago and Ralph ended up stealing a girl away from Richie. Howard thought that was kind of uncool but Richie really didn't mind. Howard said that all of The Ramones were cool guys. They appeared on his WWOR TV show many years ago and did a bit with him. Some of the guys even had some great fights on his radio show as well. Howard said there is only one remaining member of the original band and he'll be calling in later in the morning. Markee Ramone wasn't an original member but Robin said she may end up being the band's spokesperson if things keep going this way.
Howard and the guys talked about what happened to the other members of the band. Howard said Dee Dee died of an overdose. Joey had lymphoma and Johnny had some kind of cancer that killed him as well. Howard heard from his old friend Meg Griffin and she told him that she'd be doing a tribute to the band. He said he used to see the guys hanging out in the parking lot of WRNW because Meg used to give them a lot of air play. He talked about how cool the band was and how he liked them so much he put one of their songs in his movie ''Private Parts.'' Howard tried to remember back when he used to hang out with Johnny but then he remembered that it may not have been Johnny but Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. He then figured that Johnny was there at the party with Tom Morello.
Gary said he ran into Johnny Ramone at a baseball card show one time. He ended up spending 10 minutes talking to him about which cards he was looking for at the time. That led to Howard talking about how he heard that Johnny sold off some of his baseball card collection when he was dying so his wife would be okay. He didn't think that they were great business men and that they probably got screwed over the years in their record deals.
Howard played some of The Ramones songs and talked about what a great band they were. Fred thought they were great as well. Howard played some ''I Wanna Be Sedated'' and ''Sheena is a Punk Rocker.'' He also played some of their ''Pinhead'' song which was the song that was in Howard's movie. Howard mentioned that he's producing a remake of their movie ''Rock and Roll High School'' as well. Gary said he heard that The Ramones sold off their songs many years ago and that's why they show up in movies and stuff these days.
Gary tried to call some of the people who were bedside with Johnny when he died but no one returned his calls. Rob Zombie, Vincent Gallo and Pete Yorn were all by his side when he died. Howard said he was serious when he said that Johnny really was supposed to do the show today. He got a note saying that Johnny wanted Howard to be his final interview and things just didn't work out. Howard said that's typical of The Ramones because they just had bad timing.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that she heard that Lisa Marie Presley was at Johnny's bed side. Howard said that sounds like it was the place to be. He figures he should have been there so now he's going to try and get in line to be the keynote speaker at his funeral. That led to the guys talking about Joey Ramone as well and how some people say that Howard looked like Joey. Howard said Joey had wider hips than he did and he made sure of that. Joey was also taller than he was. He said he really didn't look like him as much as people thought. Howard told the fans that Jessica is always on his bulletin board and talks to the fans. She said she was on this morning and she was talking to a few people like DrDoom, MaMaMonkey and many different Artie names.
A caller told Howard that Eddie Vedder was also bedside with Johnny Ramone earlier in the week. Howard said he'd like to read about how he was bedside but he blew it. Howard talked about the time he was supposed to perform with The Ramones on the Jerry Lewis Telethon but the local TV station didn't want him on. Six months later they hired him to work there on their station, WWOR.
Howard said that there's something going on with Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray. He said that he's a co-host on Extra now. He wants to get him on the phone to find out what happened to him. He used to be kind of happening and now he's hosting an entertainment TV show. Howard had to take a break shortly after that discussion.
Jackie Shows Up Late. 2/9/00. 7:10am
Jackie the Joke Man showed up kind of late this morning. At around 7:10 Jackie showed up claiming that he'd set his alarm clock incorrectly. He told Howard that it was set one click away from the alarm and he didn't realize it. Howard told him that no one even noticed he wasn't there until about 7am. Jackie was kind of upset that nobody called him to tell him he was late. No one noticed so no one called. Howard figures Jackie was just up too late last night partying and the clock thing was just an excuse. Jackie said he stayed up until about 11 last night so he could watch ''The Sopranos'' but he's used to going to bed that late. Then Howard said that someone had checked the computer for Jackie's phone number and he's got about 9 different numbers in there. He's got his mother's number, his home numbers, his Manhattan apartment number among others. No one knew he was in the city so they wouldn't have known to call that number. That led to a discussion about how Jackie and his wife have separate numbers for their businesses Off Hour Rockers and Spinning Plates. Stuttering John has seen the house where the two businesses are and said the phones are about 5 feet apart but one person won't answer the other's phone. That led to them talking about Jackie's wife's band the Scoldees. Howard ended up playing a bunch of clips from the album. He goofed on a bunch of the lyrics while talking about how it's Jackie's money going to pay for his wife's band. Jackie made sure to plug the band's web site Scoldees.com where you can download the songs yourself.. and goof on them.
Will Rhonda Win Ben Stern's Money? 08/22/05. 8:35am
After the break Howard gave Scores the plug that he was supposed to give during the previous segment. He said that the Scores in Las Vegas will be opening September 21st and you can visit them at ScoresLasVegas.com. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked to talk to Howard's father during the next segment. Howard told her that he'd let her talk to him after the game. She was also saying that High Pitch Eric isn't that bad of a guy.
Howard moved on to bring in his father Ben who was there to play a game with a fan who was there to try and win $5,000. Artie introduced himself to Ben and Howard pointed out Benjy who was sitting back there with him as well. Howard played some of the old audio of his father talking about the ''green type of tube'' when he was working at a radio station when Howard was a kid. He actually worked at the same station Howard works at but it was called something different back then. It was called WHOM back then. Howard had Ben say hello to the rest of the crew and then said that Ben would be playing for a fan who was there. He had to answer questions about his son and if he won, the woman would win the five grand.
Howard introduced Rhonda who was there to play the game. He read that she was raised her grandparents because her mother was in prison for passing bad checks. She also went to prison for hiding a dead body, which was her husband at the time, who was killed by her 18 year old boyfriend. Rhonda was trying to tell the story but she was so nervous that she was having trouble remembering the story. She said something about the boyfriend beating the husband over the head with a baseball bat. The guy and Rhonda's mother wrapped the body up and brought it to the parking lot of a Burger King. Howard read that Rhonda was beaten up by a family member and her family life was just horrible. Right now she's broke and needs the money to play back her daughter's college fund because she's been borrowing from that.
Howard told his father that he was under a lot of pressure to win this game. He had two ways to play the game, one was a little easier because he was going to have Rhonda guess if Ben was going to be able to answer correctly or not. The other way was to ask Ben 10 questions and he'd have to answer a certain number correctly. Ben thought it would be best if she guessed at how he was going to answer. Howard gave Ben a test question about what year Howard graduated high school. Ben said that it was in 1971 but Howard said it was actually 1972. Ben thought about it and Howard turned out to be correct when he said it was 1972. Howard asked his father another question and asked him to name one teacher he had in school. Ben didn't know any names. That was another test question so Rhonda didn't win or lose a point on that one.
Howard got to the real game and asked his father the questions. There were 9 left and Rhonda had to match 5 of the 9. Here are some of the questions and the outcome...
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Ben that it was an honor to have Ben there because he's got magical sperm. He had a song parody about it but Howard told him to get out after playing about 2 seconds of the song. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard's parents how great their son is and then asked Ben what subject in school he demanded Howard take to make sure he had a career. Ben remembered having Howard do some work on stage but Mariann said the actual class was Typing because anyone could get a job if they knew how to type. Ben also suggested that Howard take piano lessons but the teacher ended up committing suicide.
Howard brought up his father's penis size and asked his mother if she compared his to his father's. She jokingly said they compared them every day. Howard told Rhonda about her win again and said that the prize money was courtesy of ''Ultimate Fighter 2'' which airs on SpikeTV at 11:05pm tonight. Rhonda said that her father wouldn't have known any answers about her and Robin laughed her ass off because Ben only knew two questions more than Rhonda's father would have. Howard let Rhonda go after that and spent a couple more minutes with his parents. He asked Ben what he had on his note paper. Ben said he had some of Howard's childhood friend's names on the paper but that was about it. Howard wondered if he asked the same questions he asked earlier if he would remember what the answers were. He asked Ben what Debra's middle name was. Ben had to think about it but he did remember that it was Jennifer.
Ben said he was watching the movie ''Coming to America'' and there's a scene where Don Amici and Ralph Bellamy are playing bums on the street. He was asking the guys if they knew why they were in that movie. Everyone knew that they were in Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and that's why they were in the movie. Howard asked his father some questions like ''Who's the current Secretary of State'' and he knows answers like that. He just doesn't know anything about his son. Howard wasn't sure how old his father was and found out that he's 82. His mother is 77. Howard said they look great and both still have all of their marbles. They claim that they're still sexually active. Howard was trying to find out more about their sex life but they didn't have much to say about it. He wondered if his mother would let his dad eat ice cream off of her belly. She said she would probably do that. A woman called in and said that she couldn't get out of her car because this conversation was hilarious. She suggested that Howard put them on SIRIUS and give them their own show over there. Howard said he may just do that this September when his channel goes live over there.
Benjy got up and asked Howard's parents if they have ever been offended by what Howard has said on the air. Howard remembered one time that he said something that he regretted later on and had to apologize for. He said he didn't want to bring up the subject again though. There was another time that Gary's mother called Howard's mother to complain about something that Howard had said about him on the show one day. Gary said he felt like a real tool that time and wanted Howard to go off on him even worse the next day because he didn't want his mother sticking up for him like that.
Ben told Howard that he was afraid that Howard was going to give him the business today so he was going to ask him to give the ''FAO Oath'' when he came in. Howard said the FAO Oath was something he would swear to when he was a kid and his father would bring him to FAO Schwartz. Howard had to swear that he wouldn't ask for more than one thing when they went in there. Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who asked the parents when they knew Howard was going to be famous. Ben said that when he went to work in Westchester and saw a picture of him in the NY Times a few weeks later. Howard said that was a fluke because there were a bunch of other famous people working there. Howard just happened to be on the air doing a horrible radio show and the journalist wanted a picture of him, not any of the more famous jocks over there. Howard wrapped up with his parents after that. Artie interrupted and asked Ben for his pick in the 5th at Belmont. Ben said that was a very good question but he didn't have an answer. He said that maybe they should head over there after the show. Howard went to break after playing some audio of his father singing ''Never Walk Alone.''
Marc Maron Visits. 05/01/13. 7:05am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Swap and Shop show where they wanted to do wife swapping. Fred also played their new theme song ''Bow Down'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that's their new theme song. Howard said that basketball player who came out gay was with a WNBA basketball player who is shocked that he's gay. Howard said that they were dating for like 8 years. Howard said if a guy is dating a player in the WNBA then you can't be that shocked that he's gay. Howard said he's just full of stereotypes.
Howard said he thinks that a bunch of other basketball players might come out of the closet even if they're not gay. This guy is getting a lot of attention. Howard said he thinks that a lot of the chicks in the WNBA look like that giant chick on Game of Thrones.
Howard said Marc Maron is there. He had him come in. He said that Marc was jealous of other people and he wanted to kill himself because of it. Howard said he gets that. He said he can get consumed with that kind of thing too. Howard said he still gets angry with people who do well. Marc said that Jon Stewart was one of the people he was upset over. He said they started out together and he would see Jon everywhere and it was like him saying ''Fuck you Maron'' all the time. Howard asked if he and Jon came up in comedy at the same time. Marc said they did. He said he got to host Short Attention Span Theater after Jon started it and he ended up killing it too.
Howard asked Marc about doing Air America for a short time. Marc said that happened because he had just moved to Los Angeles. He said his career never really took off. Howard said he never really heard of Marc before. He said Gary told him about him and he heard some stories and he came up with Louis C.K. and he must have disliked him too. Marc said he and Louis worked things out. He said that he and Jon still have something going on there. Howard asked if he ever runs into him. Marc said not really. He said he used to bad mouth Jon to his face. He said he thinks Jon is still mad at him over that.
Marc said that Jon has the confidence to never change his hair cut. Marc said he never had that. Howard said Marc is saying that he's an angry, pissed off guy. Marc said if you're an asshole then you get humbled. He said that your wife laves and your career goes down the crapper.
Howard asked Marc about auditioning for Saturday Night Live and how that didn't work out. Howard said Marc must have wondered what was going on while all of these other guys were making it. Marc said he would ask why other guys were making it and he wasn't. Howard asked if he was handing around losers because of that. Marc said he hung around with other comedians. He said he couldn't quite reconcile why things weren't working.
Howard asked Marc if he ever wanted to give up the comedy thing. Marc said things were going really bad for a while there but then his podcast hit pretty big and that changed things. Marc said that his podcast gets like 700,000 downloads. He said he has done some podcasts with people like Louis C.K. and he worked things out with him in a two partner. He said he couldn't handle his success and he had to work things out with him. He said they've been friends for years. Howard asked if he told Louis that he was jealous of him. Marc said that's what he told him. He said that upset him but he had his own problems. He said they had this thing between them and hadn't spoken much. He said he went to his house with the microphone and had a talk with him there. He said they didn't hate each other but they had to work things out in person.
Marc told Howard he wanted to make up with Jon Stewart but he was so shitty to the guy that Jon had to remind him about that. Marc said that there was one moment where he was on stage at the Boston Comedy Club and Jon walked in and he asked him how sucking satan's cock was. He said Jon didn't know what to do with that. Marc said that Jon pointed out that he was hosting Short Attention Span Theater and he didn't have to take that shit from him anymore. Marc said he was bullying Jon. He said he wanted to do the apology thing with him and Jon said he didn't want to do it. He said it was a great moment for him when Jon said he wouldn't do the podcast because there was no love there.
Howard said he can tell that it bothers Marc about Jon. He said Jon is one of the nicest people he's ever met. He said that he stayed in a hotel that Jon was staying at and he talked to him there. He said he's so nice so he can see why this would bother Marc. Marc said he was in Portland, Oregon and Gallagher had just walked out on his Podcast. He said the guy stormed out and then he gets the call back from Jon and Jon said no. He said that he was right to turn it down. He said that he hung up the phone and part of him was saying he wasn't going to have coffee with him. He said he's still got that anger in him and it won't leave. Howard said it never will.
Howard said he has picked up the phone and called people. He said he has anger too. Howard said he knows where Marc's anger comes from. It all comes from the parenting. Howard said his dad was a doctor who was cold and aloof. Howard said his dad always stole attention from his son. Howard said that Marc's father turned to him at his college graduation that he was going to kill himself. Howard asked why he would do that. Marc said that he got that all his life. Marc said he erases your sense of self and it was all about him. Howard said it sounds like his mother was self absorbed too. Howard said she was anoroexic. Howard said Marc once said that she was 119 pounds and she called him to correct him saying that she's only 116.
Marc said his mother told him that she couldn't love him if he was fat. He said that was just a couple of years ago. Howard said this is where his anger comes from. Howard said Marc goes berserk and lashes out. Howard said he would do the same thing. Howard said he would go into a new radio market and scream about guys he didn't even know. Howard said he has a lot of issues with wanting attention. He said he didn't grow up in a certain way. He said his father raped him anally too. He said he was just kidding of course.
Howard said Marc told a story about his father sticking his fingers in his grandfather's mouth. Marc said he had a guy come in to give him a proctological exam at the house. He said he was probably 7 or 8 years old. He said he had pain in his stomach. Marc said his father is an orthopedic and he was going to examine him. He said his dad stuck his finger in his ass. He said his father didn't know what was wrong with him. He said his dad basically finger banged him. He said he was thinking he had appendicitis. He said that he brought another guy over to the house and that guy tried to diagnose it. He said they had just moved to town so this guy was the one guy he knew there. He said he was a huge black guy who had big sideburns. He said he figured the guy had his shit together. Marc said Dr. Chester came to the house and they were in the bathroom and he got another finger up his ass. He said his dad was there watching and he figured if a cop came in they'd say ''It's okay, we're doctors.''
Howard said that is so invasive. He said this is what Marc wrote about in his book. Marc said that they were at his grandfather's funeral and his dad wanted to see the body. He said the woman at the funeral home opened up the box and there was his grandfather's face. He said he pulled open his mouth with his finger to look in the mouth. Marc said his father just anted to see his teeth to see if it was him.
Howard asked Marc if the family is happy for him. Marc said his father had some depression and he thinks that making them laugh was a way to get their attention. Howard said that's where his anger came from. Marc asked if they fixed it. Howard said they may not have fixed it but they figured it out.
Howard and Robin went back and forth trying to explain where this anger came from. Howard said his father didn't have jack shit to do with him being funny. Robin said that's where most comedians get it from. They're trying to protect themselves and make someone else laugh.
Howard asked Marc if he's been married. Marc said he has been a couple of times. He said he has a nice woman now and she's adorable. He said she's 29. Marc said he's 49. Howard said that works. Marc said she emailed him and said she listens to the show. He said it was touch and go in the beginning but now it's great. Robin asked what was touch and go. Marc said as a comic you don't date much. He said that when you get off stage you'll meet someone and you'll bang them. He said he was married and he was trying to fuck her out of his life. Marc said he's more prone to crying than yelling. He said when the second one left she ended up with a guy who she may have been emotionally cheating with. Howard said that must be tough. Marc said that can ruin a relationship when you wonder if she's cheating. He said she left and some of that was because of his anger. He said that can drain someone.
Howard asked if she's dating Jon Stewart. Marc said if she is then someone should tell Jon's wife. Marc said she just had a baby and he just has to google her to find out who she's dating. He said he only had to do that once. Marc told Howard about his girlfriend and how great she is for him.
Howard asked Marc about his new TV show ''Maron'' which is going to be on IFC on Friday nights. Howard said Marc created a TV show based on the Podcast thing. Marc said the show is a scripted comedy. Howard said that must be great for him after seeing all of these up and coming young people like Whitney Cummings and Amy Schumer. Marc said he tries not to get jealous of women. He said he doesn't think he could have been a woman.
Howard asked Marc if he's ever done a roast. Marc said he did the Chevy Chase roast and it was like the worst night of his life. He said he's not great at roasting. He said he's got that anger and that's there to hurt someone. He said he got up there and they had a lot of people on the dais. Marc said he got up on stage and bombed. He said he was just bombing and Chevy didn't give a fuck. He said the jokes were good but he could feel his personality disintegrating. He said he was on the verge of tears after doing it. He said he didn't know if he could keep doing comedy.
Howard asked Marc if he knew Sam Kinison. Marc said he got a job as a door man at the Comedy Shop. He said he met Carl Labove. He said that he introduced him to Sam. He said that they gave him a watch as a gift and he wondered if they were the Manson Family or something. Marc said he would get stage time working there. He said that he worked in a room upstairs and his job was to get people to go up there and see more comedy.
Howard asked Marc about what he did with Sam. Marc said he had passed the first test and got that watch from Carl. He said that he went up to meet Sam for the first time. He said they were doing blow together and Sam told him to look him in the eyes as they were doing this. He said he had to look him in the eyes and he was getting the Sam rift and then they ran out of blow. Sam said this was like 4 in the morning and Sam said they had to get more blow. Marc said they were driving up and down Sunset and Sam was in and out of consciousness. Marc said they drove to this guy's house at 4 in the morning and they went up to the door and the guy opens up his door. They go into this guy's room and Sam falls on the floor. He said that all the guy had was miniature bottles of booze and Sam starts drinking them. He said he looks like a giant drinking the booze. He said Sam passes out and he doesn't know that guy or Sam very well. He was going to leave but the guy said he can't leave Sam there. Marc had to bring Sam back to where he lived.
Howard asked Marc if he saw Sam piss on someone or something. Marc said Sam pissed on his bed. He said he would enter a zone. He said Sam pissed on the bed for a reason though. Marc said back then he was 21 years old and out of his mind on drugs. He said he loved Sam's stuff and he saw the evolution of his homosexual bit about the dead guy in the morgue. He said it was mind blowing. Howard said he was a mind blowing comic. Marc said there was this guy Dave who hung around the comedy Stop who was a Satanist. He said he was a dope fiend and Sam couldn't stand him. Marc said this guy Dave would show up and then Sam would come. Marc said two days before Sam had his guitar and amps at his house. He said they had a big jam session. all of the stuff was in his bedroom. Marc said he had to set that up. He said that this guy Dave stood up and said he was going to tell Anton Lavay about Sam not being a real Satanist. Sam stood up and started pounding on him. He said that he wanted to get Sam out of there so he put Dave in his room and locked him in there. Marc said he had a buddy coming in from Boston so he put Dave in that room. Marc said he went out to get his friend from the airport. Marc said he had his friend, Bill, with him. He said they went back to the house and he was going to show him the house. He said Sam was still there with a couple of other people. The party was still going on. He said the door of his room was kicked in and the equipment was gone. He said he walked in and stood there. He said Sam said ''I pissed on your bed Maron.'' He said that Sam told him that he let his friend Dave sleep with his guitars so he had to piss on his bed. Marc said to his friend Bill ''See, I told you I knew him.''
Marc said he left town not long after that and got cleaned up. He said that was the best thing to ever happen to him. Howard said he had to get away from him to find himself.
Howard gave Marc a plug for his TV show ''Maron'' and for his book ''Attempting Normal'' which is out now.
Howard said he was reading about Marc going to meet Lorne Michaels and eating some candy off his desk. Marc said he was also a little bit high. Marc said he wasn't wasted. He said that Tracy Morgan was waiting to go in when he walked out. Howard asked why he thinks that the candy had something to do with it. Marc said he was talking to Lorne and looking at him in the eyes weird. He said that it was like what Sam used to do with him looking him in the eye. Marc said he took a piece of candy and he thinks that may have had something to do with him not getting the job. Robin asked if there are others who have failed that test. Marc said they should reach out. Marc told Howard that he took that Jolly Rancher and that was it. He said he may have had some other missteps in there too. Marc said he later heard that they may have had him in there trying to get Norm to re-up with them.
Howard asked Marc if he's against these people who use props in their act. Marc said that they're entertainers. Marc said you have to separate them. He said he went to see Carrot Top's show and interviewed him. He said he's not a happy guy. He said he's looked at like this anti-Christ. Marc said he's happy making the money he's making. He said during the show Carrot Top says that there's a real comic in the room and he was talking about him. Howard asked why it matters if you use a prop to make someone laugh. Marc said he doesn't care. Robin asked why there's something wrong with ventriloquists. Marc said there are only like 2 left so why be angry at them?
Howard gave Marc some more plugs and asked Marc if he ever date comics. Marc said his second wife was a model who became a comic. He said that she's doing just fine now.
Howard asked Marc if he ever went on medication to calm himself. Marc said his problem is anxiety and he was on Prozac for a while. He said it was just a short time. He said that was years ago. Marc said he felt like he was locked inside himself. He said the old personality never went away. He said he eats nicotine lozenges now but that's about it. Howard said his book is very intense. Marc said he tries to mix things up in the book. He talks about the divorces and buying pants.
Howard said Marc's podcast is available at WTFPod.com and on iTunes. Howard asked if Adam Carolla's podcast is really number 1. Marc said there are 5 or 6 that move around but Ira Glass is always number 1.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Marc shouldn't be jealous of Jon Stewart because he's funny and Marc isn't. Marc said he's heard that before. Howard said he feels like they're on Twitter now. Howard said this guy called up saying that he's a great comic. The caller said he was thinking he was pretty funny but after the conversation went on he didn't think he was that funny. Howard said the guy is giving you insight into his life. Marc said the guy is trying to spin it that it's a sympathetic gesture to call him an asshole. Marc said that the anger thing isn't what he used to be. Marc said he wants to be a great comic and he has tried really hard to turn things around.
Howard took a call from a friend of Marc's who said that he has come a long way. He said he was once driving Marc and some other comics somewhere and they were all talking about getting on Letterman and they were all very angry. He said he turned to them and asked them if they're supposed to be funny. Marc said he has to hang out with this guy again sometime. Howard wrapped up and gave Marc some more plugs for his TV show, Podcast and book. Marc thanked Howard for that. Howard said somewhere out there is a bitter, jealous comic who is jealous of Marc. Howard went to break a short time later.
Tommy Ramone Talks About Johnny Ramone. 09/17/04. 7:25am
After the break Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show which features a recent Chris Rock interview. He then got Tommy Ramone on the phone to talk about Johnny's death. Howard said that the ironic part was that Johnny was supposed to be on the show instead of Tommy. Tommy told Howard that Johnny did want Howard to be his final interview but he didn't make it that long. Tommy said it was pretty stable for a while but then things just went downhill early this week.
Howard told Tommy that Johnny was a great guy and the thing that sucks for the band is that they never got that much money for the work they did. Tommy said that might be what made the band great. They did the music for the fans, not for the money. They do get some money these days though so things aren't all bad.
Howard asked Tommy about the reason Joey and Johnny didn't talk for 15 years. Tommy said it did have to do with a girl but Johnny and this woman fell in love and things didn't work out for Joey and that woman. Tommy said there were probably a lot of strange things that went on between the two of them. Communication wasn't the best aspect of the band and things didn't work out. Howard told Tommy about Markee and Joey fighting on the show the last time they were on together. Tommy said there really is a sibling rivalry thing going on in the band even though they're not related.
Howard asked Tommy if he believes in a ''Ramones curse'' because of the things that have happened over the past few years. Tommy said it is kind of strange that these guys passed in the past couple of years in the prime of their lives. Howard asked Tommy what kind of cancer he has. Tommy laughed and said that he's making an appointment next week to find out if he's okay.
Tommy told Howard that he got out of the band because he got tired of being cooped up in a van for years. He said he's been working on a Ramones musical that he hopes to bring to the States some day. He's been working on it down in Australia. Howard said it's so sad that all of these guys are gone now. He told Tommy that they made a lot of good music together.
Tommy said that the funeral was yesterday and it was just for close family. They are having a memorial soon though and Tommy will be there. He's not exactly sure where that will be but he'll make it there. Howard wished Tommy the best of luck and gave him a plug for a Ramones movie that's out. You can find out more about that at Ramones.com.
Howard said the thing that really burns his ass is that Johnny was supposed to be on the show today. He was bummed that he didn't make it that far. Howard said the only good thing about Johnny's death, if there is one, is that he was a Bush supporter and now that he's gone, that's one less vote for Bush. That led to Howard talking about how he saw Stephen Baldwin rambling about how he's going to vote for the person who is the most spiritual. The guys talked about how nutty that is.
Bob Wolf Stops By With Artie Games, Artie Hits 296 Pounds! 01/17/07. 9:30am
Howard said he had this guy Bob there who called in and asked for a tour of the studio. The guy told Howard he called in and played a game with them. Artie remembered the guy and said he calls in all the time. Bob said he goes by ''Wolfie'' and told the guys what he does for a living. He said he works for American Express and tries to show merchants how they deliver more money per ticket than other credit cards.
Gary asked Bob if he's straight because he kind of heard a wispy thing going on with his speech. Howard told Gary that he shouldn't talk about that kind of stuff. He said he doesn't care if this guy is gay or not. He told Gary he always messes up his momentum when he does that stuff. Fred played some Baba Booey song parodies and Howard continued to goof on him about the comment he made. Howard apologized to Bob for Gary's dopey comment.
Bob said he had some more games to play if they wanted to do that. He had one where they try to figure out if Artie is too heavy. Bob said he also has another game where they have to figure out if a movie got a better review than Artie's movie.
Howard said this guy reminds him of Beth's brother and he likes him for some reason. Howard ended up talking about how scared he is of getting married to Beth because he'd have another family. There were days when Howard would say that he would never get married again but now he's thinking about it. Gary remembered Howard telling him he was retarded for even asking him if he wanted to get married. That led to Robin bringing up the kid thing and Howard talking about how he can't have kids again. He doesn't have the energy to have another kid. Robin said she can see Howard carrying his new baby around in a pappose. Howard wanted to get to the Artie games and forget about that crap.
Howard talked about how his friend Pat just had his second kid and the guy is always walking around coughing and worn out. Gary said that Brian Phelan is also one of those guys who is wiped out now that he's got another kid. Robin was goofing on Howard about having a kid but he really didn't want to hear that from her.
Gary told Bob to play the game where they figure out if Artie is too heavy for an occupation or activity. Bob was ready to go but the guys were still talking about Beth maybe getting pregnant some day. Howard said she was going out to do a shoot for Extra TV and was showing her boobs and her great body in the outfit she was wearing.
Howard got back to the game and Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to join the NYPD. Everyone figured he was too heavy. He's got to be around 290 pounds. Howard wanted him to get on the scale but Artie didn't want to get up from his seat. Howard told him to just get up. Artie threatened to talk about his future kids if he doesn't stop pushing him. Howard thinks that he's at 300 pounds but Artie said it's 290 pounds. Gary thinks he's at around 292 pounds. Artie kept saying that he wanted to do the weigh in at the end of the bit. Howard kept asking him to do it but he kept refusing.
Artie finally agreed to go get on the scale. It shot up to 296 pounds! Artie blamed that on the turtleneck shirt he was wearing. He deducted 2 pounds for the shirt. Howard just laughed. Gary said that Artie was down to 283 pounds just recently when they came back from Christmas vacation. Artie said he now knows what it feels like to be 300 pounds so he can tell people that. Sal told Howard that the documented weight of Chris Farley when he died was 296 pounds.
Howard got back to the game and everyone said that there's no way Artie could join the NYPD. Bob said that he could join but he would have to pass an obstacle course. The guys said that Artie might actually be able to do that though because he does have to get through an obstacle course every day. Artie said that obstacle course is made just to get rid of people like him. Fred red some notes about the tests and how he'd have to get up and get over a 6 foot barrier and some other things.
Doug Goodstein came in and asked Artie if he would try to go through that course just to see what happens. Artie said he won't do it... and he can't wait to take any FOX sitcom they offer him. He said that any show that he doesn't have to do an obstacle course, he'll take.
Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to be classified as an Olympic Heavyweight Boxer. Turns out he is. Howard was getting bored with the game and told him to move it along. Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to ride Space Mountain. Turns out Artie is too heavy to ride Space Mountain at Disney. Howard wondered how they would know that. Bob said he e-mailed Disney and asked if a 5'10'' tall person at 287 pounds could weigh and they told him that it would be very hard to get the bar down and that person may not fit.
Howard asked for one more question from Bob. Bob asked if Artie was too heavy to join the Army. Most of the guys said that he would be too heavy. Bob confirmed that he is too heavy to join. He read some stats about that and found that he'd have to weigh no more than 187 pounds and also have to do 97 push-ups. Artie wondered how many he could actually do so Howard told him to go give it a try. Artie went out to the studio floor and tried to do some push-ups.
Howard counted off the push-ups and said he's going to be so sore. Fred played a heart beat sound effect as he was doing it. Artie got up to 22 and quit before he killed himself. Artie said he used to be able to do like 100 of them. He was very winded and said he was very depressed because of that. Artie said if people weren't so uptight about heroin, he'd still be thin. Howard told him to sit down because he was worried about him. Robin said that he can barely get in and out of cars these days.
Howard told Bob that he could stick around during the Steve Langford and Jon Hein updates if he wanted. Bob said that would be cool and stuck around.
Comedian Bill Burr Sits In For The News. 5/21/02. 9:20am
Comedian Bill Burr (BillBurr.com) came in to hang out during the news. He came in while Howard was still talking about his divorce so he got in on the conversation. The guys talked about relationships and sex for a short time before moving on to the news. Howard ended up talking about his favorite positions (face to face or from the side) and how he uses a condom every single time he has sex. He said that the condoms cut down on the sensation for him and he really needs that. He said if he didn't use one he'd be done in 2 seconds. Howard asked Robin what she's up to with Mr. X also. She said they're having sex a couple times a week. Stuttering John wanted to know how big Mr. X is but Robin would just say ''he's fine.'' Howard said she made some hand gestures that made it look like he's a foot long or something but she said he's really not.
Howard took another break and let Robin do her news while Bill Burr sat in. Bill is appearing at Caroline's comedy club in New York from June 6th to June 9th. Check out BillBurr.com for more info.
Jon said that what he enjoyed about that segment was that it became funny when he showed up late. He said there have been other moments like that too. He said that Richard Christy set up Sal when he overslept the day that Howard announced he was staying at Sirius. Richard said that Sal had been up late the night before at a party drinking. He told the guys about the Ice Luge that he was drinking out of and he was there with him. Richard said they were all smoking cigars and having a great time. He said Sal got a hotel room in the city because he didn't want to be late for work. He said it was right next door to Sirius and he didn't know that. He said he could have stopped there and woken him up. He said that he was sleeping and showing up late right next door to work.
Gary asked Richard about being out late and what his drop dead cut off is. Richard said it was 8 to 11 so they were out until 11 or so. Gary asked how late they were actually out before getting home. Richard said he was in bed by Midnight or so. Gary said he doesn't even believe that. Gary said they say that you can be home by 11:15 but you don't fall asleep right away. Richard said he passed out. Gary said he finds that it takes time to wind down. He said he may not get to bed for another hour.
Jon said that you have to plan ahead when you go out like that. He said Sal did and he still showed up late. He said that he wasn't there at the time so he wonders how they come up with the prank idea. Gary said it happens pretty quickly. Jon said it sounds like he bought it hook, line and sinker. Gary said Sal balled. He said he was upset about the whole thing and worried about what he was going to do. Gary said Sal acted like he hadn't thought about it until that moment.
Jon said Jackie claimed he had a line dedicated to waking him up. He asked Gary if they have anything in place to make sure they can reach an employee if they over sleep. Gary said that they have taken the stance like it's the employee's problem and not theirs. He said that he has made the effort to get to sleep on time so it's not on him to get someone else up. He said that's what he had to do for Stuttering John. Richard said he had JD call him at 3:45 to make sure he was up. He said he never really needed it though so he stopped.
Jon asked Richard how he gets up. Richard said he has like 4 alarm clocks and one of them is a horror movie alarm that has a woman screaming. He said it scares the shit out of him every time he hears it. Richard said he just doesn't go out late with people anymore. He said that's how he makes sure he gets up.
Gary said he dated a woman who thought he hated her because he dropped her off at 8:40 at night. He said that he goes to bed at like 9:15 so that's why he did that. Gary said she was so upset about that. Gary said he used to get up at 5 o'clock. He said he had an alarm clock across the room that he couldn't reach. He said the second alarm clock would go off near him and he'd snooze that a few times. He said that his wife, who was his girlfriend at the time, would tell him to shut it off but he couldn't.
Richard said he has a bunch of alarms that go off that drive his wife nuts. Jon said they're like grade schoolers with that stuff. He said he goes to bed early and he hates that this one restaurant doesn't open until 6 and he hates that because he'd rather be eating at 5.
Gary said there was one time when Howard told a story years ago about how he was with his kids and said ''Alright, time for bed.'' and his daughter started crying. He said Howard said ''No, not for you, it's me.'' They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been at work for an hour before they start there. He said he has been late so many times that he's put on two different shoes. He said it sucks. Jon asked Gary if he's ever done that. Gary said he lays his clothes out the night before. Gary said you don't want to be sitting in the closet wondering what to wear. He said that Howard will ask you why you're late and there is always a reason. Gary said he used to think Howard was crazy but there is something to that. He said that Benjy isn't chronically late anymore and he isn't sure why that is. He said he thinks there's something you have to deal with. Jon said it might be fear.
Richard said he once forgot to wear a shirt to school. He said he never wore a shirt at home and he showed up to school without one on. He said that they found a vest for him to wear there that day.
Gary said he was late so many times at hight school that he had to have his mom sign notes. He said he ended up signing the notes himself. He said he got in a lot of trouble over that.
Jon said Gary lays out his clothes but what does Sal do. Sal said like Gary he takes out his clothes and moves it to another room. He said he triple checks his alarm clock. He said it's like an OCD thing. He said sometimes he'll jump out of bed in the middle of the night to check on them. He said he was never late to work when he was younger. He said his dad was his boss and he'd drag him into the car to get him there.
Jon asked Sal about that time he was late and why he didn't give anyone the number there. Sal said that the hotel gave him a free night there. He said he called for a wake up call. He said he had a Blackberry at the time and he didn't have a charger. He said his phone was low and died. He said that they screwed up the wake up call too. Gary said Jackie always blamed the wake up call. He said that Jackie was notorious for sleeping through wake up calls. He said one time Fred banged on his door for 20 minutes at a hotel when they were on the road. He said that Jackie can sleep through stuff like that.
Sal said they thought one of their comedian friends had passed away or was abducted. He said that they weren't able to wake him up. It was Mike Bocchetti who used to sleep with a sleep apnea mask. Then he just showed up later on like nothing happened.
Jon asked Sal about the prank they pulled on him. Sal said they've gotten him a few times. Sal said Gary hits hard when he does that stuff. Jon asked Sal what goes through his mind after he does show up late. Sal said that was the last time that happened thankfully. Gary said that was the Friday before they were off for a couple of weeks.
Richard said Sal didn't show up for work one day when he thought they had Columbus Day off. Sal said Gary called him at home asking where he was. He said that day Howard goofed on him was a horrific day. He said he'll never forget that.
Jon asked Sal about the early nights and if that's humiliating. Sal said it is. He said he has to go to bed very early.
Jon said that the Ramones had feuds and they would make headlines with them. Gary said they were so real too. Jon asked what goes through Gary's mind when that's happening. Gary said they were very real. He said that it was like married couples. He said you can't take those punches unless you know those people really well. Richard said bands get very close and they sometimes don't get along when they aren't making music. Gary said a lot of bands start out when they're in high school and they stay together for 30 years. He said it's like a marriage in a lot of ways.
Gary said he was just watching a special about Sam and Dave. He said they didn't talk to each other for the last 20 years of their career. He said they'd show up at the place and not talk to each other. They'd just perform and do their thing but never talked. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon thanked Gary for that and moved on to talk about Ben Stern who is actually Howard's father. He played a clip of Howard talking to Ben about his wife Beth and where she was from. Gary said what he liked best about that is that the audience thinks that they know him from the stories they've heard. Gary said Ben is a funny dude and he loves him on the show. Gary said that his favorite story about Ben was when he talked about the way to fold the NY Times. Gary said that's the way Ben is and he likes things a certain way.
Sal said Ben Stern on the show is like George Takei on the show now. He said Howard really knew how to incorporate his family into the show. Sal said a lot of shows do that now. Gary said that what really pissed Howard off was when Imus started calling Howard's mom on his own show.
Sal said you got a feel of how Howard grew up when he called his dad. He said he had a tough dad but also a guy who wanted to goof around. He said it was always a great segment and it made for great radio.
Richard said he got to help make a video and he went to Howard's parent's house to do it. He said he got a tour of Howard's bedroom and it still has posters from when he was on WNBC and stuff. He said they couldn't have been nicer people.
Jon said that Marc Maron just got his show upped for a third season. He played a clip of Marc talking about meeting Sam Kinison at the Comedy Store. Jon said that was an interesting story from Marc. He also talked about the time he took the candy from Lorne Michaels' desk and that's why he thinks they never hired him. Gary said his whole rap about his jealousy of Jon Stewart was refreshingly real. He said it takes balls to talk about stuff like that.
Gary asked Richard if he was ever on tour with a band that broke. Richard said sure. He said he's known the guys in the band Slipknot for over 20 years. He said they used to play in front of 6 people. He said they got huge and he was so happy for them. He said they worked hard to get where they were. Richard said he wished he was up there doing what they were doing too.
Jon said that Brett Larson is there with some Howard 100 News headlines. Brett gave them a rundown of a few headlines for what they had coming up today. Brett also threw it to Jon Leiberman for what was coming up on Leiberman Live today.
Jon also mentioned that the JD Directors Special is coming up on Friday at 5 on Howard 101. He said you don't want to mention that. Richard mentioned how good looking Brett Larson is. He said he's a very handsome guy. Richard said no one is more handsome than Sal though. Jon had the guys get in their plugs. They wrapped up the show around 11:05am.
Jon said what Mindy said to Howard was that she would think about getting back together with him. Gary said maybe there's something there. He said they have to get BJ in there to find out what he thinks. Jon played another clip of Mindy talking about her breakup with BJ and how miserable she was and how she was depressed and actually didn't eat. Jon said some people eat and some stop eating. He said it just came right out.
Jon asked what the magic is there when Howard sits down with a guest. Gary said that it's eye contact. He said it's like magic with the guest. Gary said there's an intimacy there and he thinks that people get very conversational. He said there was a porn star named Harry Reams and it was about 1984. He said they weren't able to say much on the show and Harry's punchline was ''Fuck you'' and they had to hit the dump button. He said Harry came up to them later apologizing saying that he just forgot he was on the air. He said that's how comfortable Howard makes people.
Jon said that you just feel like you're chatting with Howard and it's like no one else is listening. Gary said you know you're being interviewed and it's a very intimate conversation. Gary said that he gets people to say things because they feel like they're talking to a pal.
Jon said Gary mentioned that they have a lot of guests coming up in the next few months that are huge. Gary said he has one lined up that might be the biggest in the history of the show. HE's not even going to give a hint at who that is.
Gary said Howard likes a lot of the behind the scenes stuff when he's talking to a guest. He said he wants to know everything. Gary said they had Mindy on because she had a show but he likes the mechanics of how things operate.
Jon asked Gary if seeing these big guests lined up really is the highlight of his day. Gary said it is. He said he loves to see A-list guests coming in. He said they have 3 coming in this week.
Gary said he booked Lady Gaga and when you finally get someone like that it's like hitting a home run in a baseball game. He said sometimes he's put the phone down and he's like ''Yes!'' because it's such a great feeling. He said it's such a rush because that's what they work for.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they had some news about that guy being BJ Novak and he's not sure where they got that because she never said the name. Jon said that's what the clip was that they played earlier. He said Howard got it out of her in about 2 minutes. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said there were a lot of new Baba Booey songs played this week. He played an example from Daniel Mendelson. Jon asked how Gary judges the songs. Gary said it has to make him laugh. He said that he like Daniel. He said even if he takes a direct shot at him it doesn't bother him. He said he loves Bohemian Booey and the Star Wars one too.
Jon asked how many come in every month. Gary said Richard could answer that better. Richard said that Robin gets more but they get maybe 5 Baba Booey and 50 Robin songs in a month. Jon asked who else there is. Richard said there are JD songs too. Gary said the Star Wars Booey song is one that he had an experience with. He said Richard came in once and started singing it. He said he thinks he gave some people the idea to do that. He said that the whole club broke into it when he was being moved one night at an appearance.
Jon asked Richard if Sal takes pleasure in listening to the songs first. Richard said they take them equally. He said that if you have songs you can send them in. He said they listen to everything. Gary said there was a guy who spit them out like 10 a week. He said a lot were themes to TV shows. He said he would do one to I Dream of Jeanie and he always laughed when he would end them with ''Boff.'' Richard said that guy had a really high voice.
Richard said he loved the ones they did with the opera singer at K-Rock too. He said sometimes her voice would crack and they'd leave it in. He said it was awesome.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it would be great if they had an NFL quarterback calling out Baba Booey just like Peyton Manning yells out ''Omaha!'' Gary said he's going to suggest that Mike Petton who is the coach of the Cleveland Browns have his guys do it. Gary said they should do that and he thinks that he's the guy who could do it. Jon suggested they do it this weekend against his Ravens.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the Ray Rice news this week and how they were asking people on the street if they would rather share an elevator with Howard Stern or Ray Rice. Jon played a clip from that segment. Jon asked Richard if it ever surprises him at the answers they get. Richard said not really. He said people aren't afraid to say how they feel. Richard said they do get some wacky answers. He said they can find some people from all walks of life there in the city. Gary said the tourists there aren't afflicted with political correctness there. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Steve Brandano what he thinks about the art thing. Steve said he has seen some of his stuff. He said Howard is good and he's getting better. Steve said if you have a beautiful wife or girlfriend then don't try to draw them. He said that his advice is to not try drawing Beth's face. He said maybe you do a pose where her face isn't in the drawing. Richard said maybe he can draw him and Sal.
Jon said he wants to talk about Jon and Eric the Actor splitting. Jon played a clip where Howard asked Eric about what Jon did for him.
Jon said it's not clear what Jon does for Eric but he was a competent and caring care giver for over a decade. Gary said he's been good to him and that's his best friend. He said that Jon is leaving and it has to be difficult for Eric. He said he doesn't think he has a lot of friends like that. Gary said he'd be freaked out if he left like that.
Jon said Lisa G has enjoyed America's Got Talent this season. Lisa said she was about 2 feet away from Pitbull at his performance. Lisa said she was waving at him like a teenage girl. Gary said he saw that and he realized it was her.
Jon asked Gary how long it took before he realized it was her. Gary said right away it looked like her. He said it took about 20 seconds to be sure it was her. Lisa said it was a great show. She said it was like Temple. Gary said people were upset that Quintavious got voted off early. He said people loved that kid.
Jon asked Lisa what went through her mind when a magician won. Lisa said she gasped. She said she felt good for Howard though because he wanted a magician to win. Gary said the girls were all about good looking guys winning. Gary said during the breaks they were yelling out for Mat Franco. Gary said he thinks being a good magician is one thing but being good looking helps too.
Jon asked if this will play into Howard deciding to come back for another season. Gary said it just matters if he's having fun or not.
Jon said he seems to enjoy it more every year. He asked Lisa if that's what she's noticed. Lisa said it's a lot of work and they put in a lot of time into the show. She said that Howard is going to go home and discuss it with Beth. Gary said he thinks that Howard enjoys it during these live shows.
Jon took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she thinks Howard enjoyed it a lot this season. She said every celebrity last night wants to go to Howard when they're there. She said that's how they get even more A-list guests. She said she thinks that it was an amazing season. She said she thinks Howard has one more in him.
Gary asked Mariann what it will mean to her if he doesn't re-sign. Mariann said if he doesn't do it again that's fine but if he does she can share it with the fans. She said she loves it. Mariann said she'll go to other Stern stuff if he doesn't do this. She said she'll be there for Howard if he wants it. Mariann said she needs time to go through her stuff now that the season is done.
Jon said that Sal is in there with them now. Sal said he brought his family to the final show. He said that Mariann was in the lobby and it was like he was at Comic-Con or something and they were meeting a huge star. Sal said Mariann asked for his name to give it to Joey Kola. He said he didn't even want his name in there to draw attention to him but it was actually really cool the way he worked it all into the warm up. He said it was really cool. He said the audience just goes nuts. Gary said he was singled out too and he didn't know how that happened. He said now he knows. Gary said they also asked them to get all of their Baba Booeys in during the breaks and not during the live show.
Jon asked Lisa to give them her Howard 100 News headlines. Lisa ran through a bunch of those and then Jon had the guys get in their plugs and wrapped up the show. They were done around 10:40am.
Jon said Scott is there so they're going to talk about him and his Rabbi Potasnik. He played a clip where Scott talked about how he knew the Rabbi that was bashing Howard's eulogy of Joan Rivers. Jon asked Scott about the comments he made to Howard about the Rabbi. Scott said he didn't say anything about either one. He said he felt it was topical and Howard has his right to his opinion. Scott said when he's spoken to the Rabbi he's loose and not uptight. Jon asked what kind of feedback he got from his family about the comments. Scott said he got nothing. He said he's not defending either one. He said they're both correct with their opinions.
Jon said he noticed that Scott is smoking a lot since then. Scott said it hasn't increased since then. Jon asked Gary if Scott should have defended Howard more than his Rabbi. Gary said he said he thought Howard's comments were fine. Gary said Scott was saying the Rabbi is a good guy and they may not have anything to do with each other. Jon asked if Scott has heard from the Rabbi. Scott said he has not. He only sees him at major family events. Scott said he saw him about 3 or 4 years ago.
Jon asked where he worked with the Rabbi. Scott said he worked with him at WABC about 30 years ago. He said he married him and his wife. Scott said he doesn't go to temple on a regular basis. He said he isn't close with him. Jon asked if he had said complimentary things about the show. Scott said he didn't say anything bad about the show. He said that he thought he got the joke and listening to the show he appreciated the humor.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if Scot has tried consulting the Rabbi to get rid of the black cloud. Scott said that's a good idea. Gary said that he's a Rabbi and not a witch doctor. Scott said that Howard was right about saying Rabbi Potasnik wasn't in the temple when Howard made his speech. He didn't hear it in context. Gary said it's like a movie reviewer condemning a movie just hearing that there was sex in it. He said you can't condemn something you haven't seen.
Jon said that Howard captured the spirit of the day and Rabbi Potasnik might be the lone dissenter. Scott said what he's heard about Howard's comments don't bother him. He said maybe Potasnik should reserve his comments.
Jon asked Scott if he got the sense that the Rabbi enjoyed radio more than being a Rabbi. Scott said he enjoys radio but he loves being a Rabbi from what he knows.
Jon asked Gary if he's ever gotten a call on the air and had someone make a pass at him. Gary said that has never happened. He said early on there was a woman who wanted to hook up with him but she always came with her girlfriend. He said she used to try to whisper to him and tried to shove her tongue down his throat. He said it hasn't happened since then.
Jon asked Scott if that's ever happened to him. Scott said not that he can recall. He said it would be a miracle if it did. Jon asked Scott if anyone has ever showed up at a public appearance and said they were interested. Scott said it hasn't. He said that it would be nice and flattering if it did.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks the caller will continue to call into his show. Gary said that would be great because it's something he'd look forward to. Gary said he liked the part where Riley was asked if he ever goes with other women and he said that he likes to peruse the candy in the candy store. Jon said JD has walked in but they had to take a break first.
Jon asked when Howard is getting his iPhone. Gary said he should have it today. Jon asked JD if he thinks he will open the show with that on Monday. JD said possibly. He said Howard wanted the Plus because of the size and battery. Gary said he won't get the plus. He said it's too big for him. He said that he refuses to be the owner of a Phablet too. Scott said he had the phone in his hand and it's quite attractive. JD laughed. Scott said he got very horny holding it. He said his son got on line and he's 10th in line for the phone. He said he should get one. Gary asked if he's plugging anything on line since that's what most people seem to be doing. JD said that he's walked past the Apple store and people are advertising things.
Jon asked JD if his girlfriend has reminded him of when he said ''I love you.'' JD said she has and it was during a talk... and that's it. Jon asked if it jogged his memory. JD said he won't get into details. He said that he said it first. Scott said that's bad. Gary asked if it just spiled out or did he think of it in advance. JD said that he knew it was a little soon to say it but he felt it and he didn't care.
Jon asked what the time gap was from that time to the last time he told a female he loved her. JD said it had to be 2 or 3 years. JD said that he says it to people at work all the time.
Jon played a clip of JD talking to Howard about his webcam girl thing. Jon asked where he stands on that now. JD said his girlfriend is fine and she's accepting of him for better or for worse. Jon asked JD if she's asked him to stop. JD said she hasn't. He said he hasn't done it since then though. JD said he doesn't like to paint himself into corners so he won't say he will never do it again. He said he will just say he's doing his best to be good.
Gary asked if there is a difference between porn and live porn. JD said he doesn't because it's sort of like going to a strip club. Gary said one is a voyeuristic activity and one isn't. He said he can understand why someone might be upset about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when JD is going to bring his girlfriend in and profess his love for her on the air. JD said that he has done that with people around. He doesn't have to do it publicly. Jon asked if she would be interested in coming in and speaking to Howard. JD said he doubts it. He said that he has to record a bit with her and she might not go through with all of it. He said coming on the show and being interviewed she's not doing. Jon asked if she will participate if it makes JD happy. JD said she's somewhat of a team player.
Jon said tonight at 7pm they have the JD director's special. He said he heard that JD was so stressed out about it that he got sick. JD said he was sick before hand. He said he had a tickle in the throat. JD said he was trying to be prepared as possible and that didn't help him with his immune system. Jon said he sat down with 5 directors and he wonders if he felt thrilled or was it something he dreaded. JD said he looked forward to it and it was great meeting them. He said it was good. Jon said he heard that people made comments about his wardrobe and he wants to ask him about that after the break.
Jon asked if JD will listen to the premiere of his special with his girlfriend. JD said no. He said he's not looking to listen to it. He said if she wants to hear it he may listen. He said that she can listen in her car if she wants.
Gary asked if they were going to Comic-Con would JD ask her to go. JD said that if she wants to then ''I guess...'' JD said that he doesn't know if he would think about asking her immediately. He said he'd be thinking about what he'd be doing out there. Jon said she loves that kind of stuff though. JD said she does so maybe he'd ask her to go out there.
Gary said that he and his wife were talking about having people up to the house for the Fantasy Football thing. Gary said they were going to ask the wives to come up too. Gary asked if JD would let his girlfriend go. JD said that there's a lot of distance and time things that might not allow her to but she can go if she wants.
Gary asked if there is a chance he would blow off going up there to just hang with her. JD said possibly. Jon said it's a long distance relationship. JD said he deals with those things as they come.
Jon asked JD about what he wore that day for the interviews. JD said he had a suit jacket that he wore and he was sweating a lot because it was hot there. He said that he was under stress too. Gary said he had a sports coat that was made out of sweatshirt material. He said it looked good from a distance but it looked like it was going to make him sweat a lot. JD said that's what it did.
Jon said he had big name guys to interview so how did he prepare. JD said he had questions and tried to be prepared. He said Jason helped out with questions too. He said he put them in order. Gary said one of the great things he had going for him was that every one of those people was a fan and they knew who JD was. He said he thinks that Guillermo del Toro wanted to pock him up and hug him. He said he'd like to see JD interview someone like Rob Reiner. JD said there were a lot of guys he wanted to get.
Jon asked if JD has followed up with them and tried to capitalize on it. JD said he's not sure he can. He said he doesn't want to do something like that. He said if they want to do something with him he'd do it. He said his focus is this show though. Jon asked if he is interested in further directorial projects. JD said sure.
Jon asked what his favorite moment is. JD said that he doesn't know. He said Guillermo del Toro was great to talk to. He said Feig and Quail were great. He said that Jonathan Liebesman was fun too.
Gary said that he should keep in touch with these guys because they wanted to hang out with him and bring him to their house. JD said that he has a lot of people to visit and he doesn't have a lot of money.
Jon said he thinks that everyone out there are looking forward to this special. He asked if he has heard it in its entirety. JD said he has not. Jon said they will be listening.
Jon said they ran out of time but Howard is still tweeting about his interview with Slash. He posted a photo of Slash in 1996 so Howard had a wonderful time with him. He said that Howard called him the last remaining guitar god. Jon asked Lisa G for the news headlines. Lisa ran down a list of Howard 100 News headlines. They got in some plugs and ended the show around 10:45am.