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Playboy Cyber Club
Various Stuff. 7/24/00. 6:05am
Gary overslept this morning so Howard said he was going to let Stuttering John yell at him when he got there this morning. In the past Gary has yelled at John for constantly showing up late so now it was John's turn.. or so he thought. Howard didn't understand how anyone can oversleep when they've got a job to get to. He claims that he's never overslept. Gary called in from his cell phone and said that he just didn't set his alarm clock correctly and it didn't wake him up on time. His phone sounded horrible like it was under water or something so everyone goofed on him for that. He eventually hung up. Gary showed up at the station a short time later and said that he was going to keep an eye on Stuttering John and fire him if he doesn't show up on time from now on. Gary said that this is like the first time he's been late and John is chronically late to work. Howard thought that Gary may have stayed up late watching a Mets game last night but he claims he didn't. He said he was in bed by 10:30 last night and just didn't set his clock correctly. Howard eventually said he didn't care and kicked him out of the studio.
Various Stuff. 7/24/00. 6:05am
Howard spent a little bit of time talking about Tiger Woods and how white people don't want to admit that he's the best Golfer ever. He had an article where people were asked about Tiger and how good he is. Black people are willing to admit that he's great but white people seem to push it off and say that he hasn't proven himself.. yet. This led to a discussion about the people who show up to golf tournaments and follow the golfers around. Howard was trying to figure out how they make money with those audiences. He and the rest of the crew spent a few minutes trying to figure all of that out.
Howard said that he spent some time with his daughter Ashley over the weekend and they rented a couple of movies to watch. He said one of the movies was an Olsen twins movie which he wasn't able to remember the name of. It's called ''You're Invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley's School Dance Party''. He said that it was one where the twins go to school. He said that at age 13 those two are really hot looking. He said he doesn't look at them sexually but knows that they're going to be really hot when they get older. He and his daughter watched the movie and when it was done, they watched it again. Howard said both of them really enjoyed watching it.. for different reasons of course. After talking about that Howard said that he should put out videos like they do. He thinks that his fans would buy tapes of him just going out and doing stuff. Instead of ''The Olsen Twins go to School'' it would be ''Howard Stern Goes To Malibu'' and hangs out with Carmen Electra. Don't hold your breath waiting for that to come out.
More Time Killers. 7/24/00. 8:05am
Howard had some time to kill this morning because Damon Wayans failed to call in on time and another guest, ''Big Brother'' exile William, was rescheduled for tomorrow. He played a couple of new Beetlejuice bits for everyone. One was a debate between Beetlejuice and Henry Kissinger which was pretty funny.
Howard also quickly brought up a bunch of different news stories which caught his attention. He talked about Michael Jackson and how he returned a watch to a jeweler which was all beat up and covered in goo. He also brought up how Spike Lee has nothing better to do than to complain about the movie ''The Patriot'' and how they portray blacks in it.
A listener called in and asked Howard what he had to do to get his album played on the air. Howard told the guy that he'd let him play it for nothing because he knew that it would suck. He let the guy play it over the phone and it was just as bad as Howard predicted. Howard has dealt with people like this in the past and the outcome is always the same. Their bands are never as good as they think they are. Howard said that if he had any real talent he wouldn't have to beg to have his song played on the air.
Howard mentioned that all of the movies he watched over the weekend really sucked. He watched ''The World Is Not Enough'' and that blew. He said he made it through about half of it before shutting it off. He also watched Freddie Prinze Jr.'s new DVD ''Down to You'' and that sucked as well. He tried to watch the retard movie ''The Other Sister'' and only made it though about 15 minutes of it before giving up on it. He actually bought the DVD's of James Bond and the Freddie Prinze movie and said he'd have to throw them out. Jackie offered to pay for them but Howard said he'd give him a break and just give them up for free because they're really bad. Robin said she watched the ''Jaws 25th Anniversary Edition'' and said that was great to see all of the behind-the-scenes stuff.
Francis Ford Coppola Visits. 06/08/09. 7:30am
Howard said Francis Ford Coppola is the greatest director ever. He said that he made the greatest movies of all time with Godfather parts 1 and 2. Francis came in a short time later. He talked about hearing Howard making fun of his nephew Mark Coppola. Howard said he used to make fun of Mark not even being known by his uncle. Mark was a DJ at K-Rock when Howard worked there. Howard said Mark always played a DJ in the movie parts his uncle gave him.
Howard talked about what a good guy Mark was. Francis said he was going to try and get mark to come with him today but he wasn't able to make that happen.
Howard asked Francis about the rumors that directors can get laid a lot and if they're really not true. Francis said that he's been married a long time and he's never even gone out with an actress. He said he met his wife on the set of a movie and she was the girlfriend of another guy who was working on that movie. Francis said that she was less of a girlfriend than he thought she was and she asked to stay in his room one night instead of that other guy. Francis said he told her that he wouldn't be able to see anything because he wore glasses so that was a good line to use. They became good friends after that.
Howard said that Francis has a brother by the name of August and he was the one who was supposed to become the star of the family. Francis said that he wanted to be like his brother. Howard asked if he tried to be better than his brother. Francis said he didn't try to do that. Howard told Francis that he made two of the best movies ever. Francis thanked him for that.
Francis said that there are a lot of great movies out there like Raging Bull. Howard said he must be upset with the way they make movies now with special effects instead of telling stories. Francis said they do things that have been done like 20 times already. He said he is upset with that kind of stuff.
Francis said he really liked ''Burn after Reading.'' He said it was a little different and didn't get the acclaim that it should have.
Howard said he guesses they'll never see Francis directing a Spider-Man movie. Francis said he has made good money doing the winery thing so he doesn't do movies. He said the wine business took off about 16 years ago. Howard told him he really likes the wine he sent him over the weekend. Francis said they have wines ranging from $8 a bottle up to $145. He said they have a wide range.
Howard asked about the wine business and wondered if he made more doing that than with films. Francis said every year it out does the movie business. Francis said that they make about a million cases a year and make about $200 million a year. He said he lives off of the Godfather movie royalties. He said he can live and enjoy life from that and some of his other movies.
Howard asked if he was panicked when he went bankrupt. He said he would finance his own movies and at one point he owed $30 million to the banks. Howard said you never put up your own money. He asked Francis why he would do that. Francis said his bankruptcy was the same thing all three times, it was just different chapters.
Francis said he had done very well with the Godfather movies but none of the studios wanted him to do the ''Apocalypse Now'' movie so he was going to do it anyway. He got money from all over the place because he wanted to make that film.
Howard said that Francis caught polio when he was 9 years old. Francis said it was pretty scary back then. He said he survived but he was paralyzed for a year and a half. He said that the March of Dimes came out and helped him out and brought him back. He said he was able to walk again after that.
Francis said he was laid up in bed for 18 months and he watched a lot of TV. He didn't have a remote back then either. He said he was doing cartoon voices and doing ventriloquism to keep busy back then too. Francis said he was into Paul Winchell and people like that when he was growing up. Howard said he has a big picture of Paul Winchell in his appointment book.
Francis told Robin she was even more beautiful in person than she is on TV. Howard thanked him thinking he was talking to him. Robin told him that he was speaking to her when he said that.
Howard asked Francis about being sent away at the age of 15 for school. Francis said he was bullied a lot as a kid and he fantasized about getting all of the smart kids together to come up with scientific things to get rid of those bullies. He said his parents took him and sent him away. He said his parents found the papers where he had these plans to get rid of the bullies and sent him away to military school.
Howard asked Francis about this women who took his virginity. Francis said she was 25 and he was 18 at the time. He said that he never would have guessed that the part of your body that you use for peeing would be used for such a thing as having sex. He said no one ever told him about that.
Howard said Francis had a lot of fun doing that and then he started making movies. Francis said he really wanted to have kids and had a 3 by the time he was 30.
Francis said his kids were playing on the sets of the movies. He said they'd help out and they were always with him and he really enjoyed having them around. He said his daughter got into directing and that was great. Howard said that she did a great job too and you never know how that's going to turn out.
Howard mentioned that Francis didn't want to direct The Godfather movies at first. Francis said there was a lot of stuff in the book he didn't want to direct like the parts about the woman with the gynecological thing. Francis said that they decided to make The Godfather low budget and he was Italian and they figured that he wouldn't cause so much guff if the movie caused some controversy.
Francis said the first script wasn't very good so he had to do a rewrite. He said that he didn't want to do the movie though. He wanted to do some other stuff and just wrote the script trying to make that happen. Francis said he thinks he got $75,000 and 6 percent of the net. He said that wasn't good back then. He said that they offered him two deals and one of them was more net and less money. Francis said that he came to admire Mario Puzzo and that's when he decided to do the movie.
Howard said Francis was told to get big names for the movie but he stuck to his guns and cast the movie the way he wanted to. He said that many of the people in the movie were unknowns and even Brando was considered poison at the time. He said it's similar to the movie ''Tetro'' (Tetro.com) that he has coming out. He said they told him the same thing about Vincent Gallo in this new movie. He said it turned out to be great working with him.
Howard said he read that they wanted Ryan O'Neall to play the part of Michael in Godfather. He said he had to turn that down. He said he needed someone who looked Italian.
Howard said the movie may not have been what it was if they had forced him to make it the way they wanted. Francis said they wanted to do it in current times, the 1970s, and in some city other than New York. He said he wanted to do a period piece in New York.
Francis said that he didn't want to do Godfather 2 either. He thought that it would be just one part and not a series.
Howard asked where Francis lives. Francis said that he lives out in San Francisco now and he lives near George Lucas. He said he has his own Jet to fly in. Howard said that's great. He asked what kind of plane it is. He said it's a Gulfstream 100. Next year he's getting a new Falcon 7X. He said that costs about 50 million and it can fly really far. It doesn't burn a lot of gas so it can fly really far.
Howard said Francis could be getting a lot of chicks if he was single. Francis said he's wondering why there are no girls in there today. Artie said maybe they should have him in to do a Playboy evaluation. Howard said they could do that. Robin said they could have him in with Ham Hands Bill.
Howard asked Francis how his sister Talia Shire is doing. He said she's great and such a neat person. Howard asked if he put up his own money for this new movie ''Tetro.'' Francis said he does that for every movie he makes. He said that this is his second career. He said he makes money doing other things and he puts up his own money for this stuff.
Francis talked about the movie ''Tetro'' and told Howard what it's about. He said that it's about a brother who loses his brother and goes out to find him and eventually finds out why he left.
Howard asked what kind of money he put up for this ''Tetro'' movie. Francis said that he can't say because they're a private company, but it was somewhere between $6 million and $15 million. He said he can put up $15 million and lose it and still be okay.
Howard said he wishes that Francis was his father. He said that he's seen Francis in a commercial with his daughter and it looks so great to have a family like that. Howard asked if he's going to leave all of his money to his kids. Francis said he will do that.
Howard gave Francis some plugs for this movie ''Tetro'' which opens on June 11th in New York and goes nationwide on the 19th. Francis said that it is in black and white and he knows that it may not make the kind of money it would in color. He said he was told it would make about half. He said he's fine with that though. He said he felt it should be made in black and white.
Howard asked if there is any nudity in the movie. Francis said that Vincent Gallo and a woman in the movie do have some nudity.
Francis said some of the lowest moments of his career were when he had to get some women naked for the Dracula movie he made and the girls came in and said that they were all upset that they had to get naked. He said it's best to get a gay assistant director that can tell the girls to take their clothes off. He said the girls don't want to do it if they think that you're nervous about it.
Howard said he felt bad for Mary McCormack when she was supposed to be topless in bed with him. He said he did a love scene in his movie and had a boner the whole time. Howard said he was told it was all technical and he wouldn't get the boner but he did. Francis said she must have been really cute.
Gary said that Vincent Gallo got oral sex in one of the movies he did. Francis said that must have been a prosthetic.
Howard told Francis that Artie can do any scene from The Godfather. Francis gave him a scene and Artie started to recite it. He got one line wrong so Francis corrected him. Artie went on and recited the rest of the scene and had line after line right on.
Howard said that was very nice. Francis told him that was very good. Artie said it was the most exciting moment in his life. Howard told Francis to pick a scene from his movie ''Beer League'' and Francis would recite it. Francis had no idea what movie they were talking about.
Francis said he can sing any song from any musical made up to Hair. They threw out some musicals and Francis would sing some songs from them.
Artie said he can do a Lee J. Cobb impression from ''On the Waterfront.'' They had mentioned that with Francis so Artie did an impression of that movie. He knew that pretty well too. Artie knew some other scenes from various movies and wanted to do some other stuff.
Robin asked how much of Godfather was Marlon Brando and how much of it was the script. Francis said that they treated him with respect on the set and he was easy to work with on the movie. He said Marlon went with anything that they wanted him to. Francis said a lot of what he did with the pausing was him trying to remember his lines. He said that happens in real life too though so it worked.
Howard asked if Marlon was a real asshole on Apocalypse Now. He said that Marlon was like a kid and he had his ways about him. He said he was a sweet guy. Howard asked if he had girls on the set all the time. He said he did on Apocalypse Now. Francis said that he took direction very well. He said he was a brilliant man and he went his own way. He said when you do that, that's when people start talking about you.
Howard gave Francis some more plugs for ''Tetro'' and said that you can find out more at Tetro.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Francis who he would like to work with as far as an actress. He said he'd like to work with Meryl Streep. He said he would also like to work with Jack Nicholson again. He said he's never been able to afford to work with him.
Ham Hands Bill called in and asked what it was like when he was paralyzed and if he was ever jacked off by the woman who helped him out. Francis said the woman was older with white hair and she was an angel to him and saved him. He said he didn't even know about those things at that time.
Another caller said he appreciates his line of wines and asked what he thinks about people who spend $800 on a bottle. Howard explained to Francis that Robin had ordered an $800 bottle of wine at dinner one night. Howard said they ordered several bottles so he was shocked at how much it was. Francis said the cost is multiplied in a restaurant. He said wine is sort of in the category of fine arts so there are some that are very expensive. He said he drinks it almost every day but not very much of it.
Artie had to do more of his Godfather lines for Francis. Francis asked him to do some lines from ''Tetro'' after he sees it. Howard said Artie can remember those lines after seeing the movie just once.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said this made her day. She said that he made Al Pacino's career. Francis said that Godfather did make him. Howard asked if he gets a card thanking him for that every year. He said he hears from him sometimes. He said he's a very intelligent guy.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if he had ever had a threesome. Francis said that he has but it was when he was very young. He said he was married at 21 so it was something very early on. Howard asked if he had ever cheated on his wife. Francis said there are some things that are better not asked. He said that he never lies about that stuff.
Howard said he could do this all day long. Francis said that he could stay. Artie said that when a young person hasn't seen The Godfather he loves to show it to them. He said he loves to see them see it for the first time.
Artie asked if it was true that he was afraid that real mobsters were going to do something to the guys in the movie. Francis said he never worried about that.
Howard said it seems like Francis has the life. Francis said that he really does. He's 70 years old and he has a 22 year old granddaughter that just graduated college. Howard asked if he can still get it up. Francis said he has never had a problem and has never had to take a pill. Howard said he hopes that never goes away for him. Francis said that it shouldn't.
Howard said Francis is doing his own thing and has this new movie coming out. Francis said he's working on another script already too. Artie said that he would love to work with him. Francis told him he might have to show up to some exotic places to do them. Artie was fine with that of course.
Howard gave Francis some more plugs and said it was a great thrill... for Francis to meet him. Francis asked him to say some nice things about Mark Coppola. Howard just told Francis that he's a big fan of his and his wine. They spent a little more time talking about the wine as well. Howard said he had the $17 bottle of wine and it was really good.
Artie apologized for being the 40,000th asshole to quote The Godfather to him. Francis said he was very good at remembering an obscure scene.
Howard told Francis that they were going to be playing Win Fred's Money next. He told Francis how a woman would probably end up naked in there during that game. He thanked Francis for coming in and said he was an interesting guy. Robin said it was an honor to have him there. They went to break a short time later.
Carol Miller Visits. 10/03/12. 8:05am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a Swap N' Shop show where they were looking to swap with other couples. Fred also played Guns N' Roses ''Sweet Child O Mine'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he had Carol Miller there. She wrote a book called ''Up All Night: My Life and Times in Rock Radio'' and she's had a charmed career in radio. Howard said she'll be signing books up in Stamford, Connecticut tomorrow night.
Carol came in and said that she had whooping cough. Her voice was pretty shot. Howard asked her to go sit in the booth. Carol said she isn't contagious. Howard said he doesn't want to get sick. Carol said he'll be fine. Howard said she sounds like she has Whooping cough. Carol said she loves Howard and she wanted to come. Howard told her she could have waited a few more weeks. Carol said Howard and Jerry Seinfeld have such a paranoia about germs. Howard asked Gary to get her a surgical mask. Carol said she has plenty to talk about.
Howard said Carol is still on Q104 in New York. She said she was off for a week and a half. She said that she's blaming Jenny McCarthy. She said that she's one of the people who doesn't believe in vaccines. Carol said that many of the illnesses that were done away with are coming back. Howard said he thinks he's going to get sick. Carol said she's not contagious and she didn't kiss Howard.
Howard said Carol was one of these DJs that he listened to when he was younger. He said that the other DJs must have been jealous of her. Howard said the rock stars put her in videos and stuff. Howard said that she was in Ian Hunter's video. Howard said she's so hot that they put her in a video. Howard said the other DJs must have been jealous. Carol said that she thought it was funny. Howard said the WNEW calendar had Carol in it and guys wanted to see her. Carol said they wanted her to dress up like someone else and she just doesn't do that.
Howard asked Carol about how smart she was and how well she did in school. Howard said her father must have freaked out when she said she wanted to go into radio. Carol said that her father thought she was a moron. She said that he would tell her that she was a moron. She said she was very good in school though. She went to the University of Pennsylvania. Howard asked why she went into radio. He said it seems like she had a great thing going. Carol said she would listen to radio and it was always there at the flick of a switch.
Howard said he thinks she could have gone into modeling. Carol said she did some as a teenager. Howard asked if she was popular in school. She said she wasn't all that popular. She said guys were hitting on her but she didn't do that kind of thing so she would turn them down.
Howard went through how Carol got into radio and did some free stuff in the beginning. Carol said it was the whole start of the FM thing. She said that it was a whole new world that was opening up. She said she didn't really have a role model other than Alison Steel. She said that Alison had that Night Bird act. Carol said she had an idea to be people's friends on the radio. Howard said that's what she was like on the radio. Howard said she was super hot too. Howard said it made you think that you could get a chick like that. Howard said he fell for it.
Carol said she loves Howard on America's Got Talent. She said she loved the harp guy. Howard asked if she ever banged a listener. Carol said no.
Howard said Carol got out of college and got a job at WMMR. Carol said she had the job while she was still in college. She said she was offered shots to fill in and she was cutting class to do the job. Howard asked if her looks helped her get in the door. Carol said she doesn't think so. Howard said her beauty must have played into it. Howard asked if the radio programmers hit on her. She said they did.
Carol said she was pretty naive. She said that she thought that she could impress people with what she talked about. Carol said that she wrote about this in the book. She said that Michael Tearson told her that they didn't need a girl there and she wouldn't be there long. Carol said that he was condescending to her. She said she was very nervous to be on the air but pretended to be relaxed. Howard said he was like that but he was awful.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Whooping Cough is very contagious. Howard said he knows he's going to get sick. Carol said she isn't contagious and she wouldn't do that to him. Howard said he's still worried because he catches everything.
Howard asked Carol about the way the music industry is today. Howard said the program directors have the hardest job trying to figure out what people want to hear. Carol said that people want to hear some things they like and some new stuff. She said they have to balance that all out.
Howard asked how old she was when Steven Tyler hooked up with her. Carol had a short relationship with him. Howard said that no one wanted to be with him like that. Howard asked how old she was. Carol said she was 26. Howard said Steven Tyler was one of the biggest rock stars in the world. Carol said Steven is a sweet guy but he needs supervision. She said that he didn't need a bank machine because he had managers who did all of that stuff for him. Carol said that she wasn't looking for sex and love affairs. She said she was looking for a husband. Carol said she was meeting engineers, program directors and rock stars. She said that the rock stars were the ones asking her out.
Carol told Howard how hard it is to be in radio. Howard said he tells the guys there that they have it made. He said it's not easy to be in the business.
Carol told Howard that she was told that they didn't want her on at WPLJ the first time she went to interview. She said she eventually got hired there. Howard said he wanted to work there and Larry Berger gave him the big call. He said he told Larry to fire Jim Kerr to hire him but he didn't want to do that. Howard said NBC ended up calling eventually but he would have died to work at that station. He said it was a great rock station.
Carol said she knows Howard had it in for Jim after that. Howard said he really didn't. Carol told Howard that Jim had a great voice for radio. Howard said he wasn't a great looking guy. Carol said the girls loved him. Howard asked if he got a lot of sex. Carol said from what she heard, yes.
Howard asked more about Steven Tyler and what went on with that relationship. Carol said that Steven would pass out on the bed and she would think he was dead. She said that she wondered how she was going to get out of the hotel if he had died. She said that she wrote about all of that in the book. She said that she realized that Steven was out of his gourd. Howard said she was told to put some fried eggs under his nose and he'd wake up. That actually worked.
Howard asked Carol if she was doing drugs back then. She said she wasn't. Carol said she was out looking for a husband but she never thought that Steven would be that guy. She said that she dated Paul Stanley too and she thought that he could be husband material. She said that she's been friends with him for a long time now. Howard said she thinks that he wanted something different. Carol said that she had such a limited view of guys and she thought that every guy was looking to settle down.
Howard asked if Paul had anything bad to say about gene Simmons. She said he really didn't. Howard asked if Steven's penis was as big as he claims it is. Carol said she didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked if she was in love with him. She said she wasn't. She said that it was just a friends with benefits kind of thing. She said she was in love with Paul Stanley though.
Howard talked to Carol about the MTV days and how great MTV was when it started. Howard said we don't see great videos anymore and videos don't play a part in the music business anymore.
Carol told Howard about Bob Pittman and how much she admires him. She said he started MTV and he works for Clear Channel now.
Howard told Carol she should have waited to come in. Her voice was really bad. Carol said he would have thought she was done and wouldn't have wanted her in there. Robin told her not to say that.
Howard asked Carol about being married to Mark Goodman who was a VJ on MTV for years. Howard asked Carol about coming home one day and finding Mark in bed with two women. Howard asked if that's true. Carol said that's false. Howard said he heard that story from someone. Carol said she never found him in bed with a woman. She said Mark was one of those guys who had that thing go to his head. She said her dad told her to let him shtup around for a year and then figure it out. Carol said that he also told her to have him get an AIDS test. Howard asked if she ever runs into him there. Carol said she has once or twice. She said that when Mark left it was her choice. She said that he ran off with someone else but she was just going to get back to work. Carol said she went about her business and decided to never see him again. Carol said she didn't see him again until a few years ago in the Sirius studios. Howard asked how awkward that was. Carol said she has a sense of humor so she dealt with it fine.
Howard said Carol had cancer too. Carol said she has been through hell and back. She said she had some radiation treatment last year. She said that she had uterine cancer. She said that they took out some plumbing in there.
Carol said that they put her back together like a Barbie. Howard said he likes that she's been cleaned out like that. Howard asked if she's looked death in the eye. Carol said she had MRSA in the hospital twice. She said Howard wouldn't believe what she's had. She said she's had radiation and chemo but she had a heart murmur. She's had about 25 surgeries too. She said she calls herself Queen Cut-Me-Up. Carol said she has a sense of humor thanks to her father who she misses very much.
Howard said Carol has had a pretty good career but most guys don't have that in radio. Howard said management doesn't deal with the on air talent that well. Carol said it's been wonderful to her. Howard asked if she would recommend it to anyone coming out of college. Carol said she's not sure what kind of opportunities there are out there for them now. Carol said she likes it so much that she's shown up for work sick. She said that she just loves to do it.
Howard asked Carol what Mark said to her when he saw her after all those years. Carol said he told her that she still looks good and he was glad that she didn't get fat. Carol said she didn't know why he'd think she'd get fat.
Howard asked if it was hard to get the book published. Carol said it wasn't really. She said that Harper Collins contacted her and asked her to do it.
Howard asked about Steven Tyler's penis again. Howard said he heard that it was really big. Carol said that no one is that big. Howard asked if she ever feels good about being the girl on the arm of a rock star. Carol said she liked being there but she knew that it could be any other girl. She said she was looking for a relationship. She said she did get to go to a lot of nice restaurants and on a lot of nice airplanes. Carol said that's not reality though.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said his cousin died from Whooping Cough. Howard told him not to tell him that. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she likes Carol but she shouldn't touch Howard because the cough is very contagious. She said that her shot must have worn off from when she was a kid. Howard said he didn't have one. Mariann said that he had one when he was a kid. Carol said she never had booster shots. Howard said he never did. Howard sounded like he was freaking out worrying about getting the cough.
Howard asked Carol if she regrets not having kids. Carol said she does but she has a wonderful nephew. Howard gave Carol some more plugs for her book and the book signing she's doing at the Ferguson Library in Connecticut.
Howard said he would normally tongue kiss her goodbye but not this time. He said he can't risk the whooping cough thing. Howard said Carol has been around and she's done it all. Howard said she has a very impressive list of guys. Howard asked if she ever got to see Aerosmith record in a studio. She said she did and that was great. She said she wrote about that in the book too. Carol said she got to hang out with Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty and others in a studio. Howard asked if Bruce ever tried to get in her pants. Carol said he didn't. She said she was just interested in the music. Howard said he will read her book (''Up All Night: My Life and Times in Rock Radio'') and asked if there are nay nude pictures. She said there aren't and there never will be. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard Flips Out On Gary Over Carol Miller's Whooping Cough. 10/03/12. 9:00am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Swap Shop show. Fred played Aerosmith's ''Pink'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who was reading about how Whooping Cough can be spread very easily. Howard kept saying ''Oh my god'' over and over. Howard said she did cough at the end of the interview. The caller said that they say that antibiotics may not help stop the spread of the disease.
Howard said he has to say something. He loves Carol but if your voice is shot just tell Gary and he'll reschedule her. Howard said he could have waited a couple of weeks to talk to her. Howard said he's such a paranoid as it is. Howard told Gary to bring in Gilbert Gottfried with leprosy.
Robin asked if Howard knew that she was coming in sick. Howard said he didn't and Gary is a fuck because he should have told her to come back another time. Howard said Gary isn't a good guy and he's not his producer anymore. Howard said Gary sees her walk in like that he should ask her to come back another time. Howard said her voice was shot and he should have told her to reschedule. Howard said healthy people walk in there and he doesn't want to see them. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't do that.
Gary said he has never sent a guest home like that. Gary said he did tell Howard during the break. Gary said he told him that her voice was a lot fucked up and she sounded very bad. Howard said he's not out there to evaluate. Howard said Gary is the producer of the show and he has to take over and do stuff like that. Howard said he can run things. He's the executive producer of the show. Gary said it's difficult to turn a guest away. Howard said he knows that and that's why he has Gary there.
Howard said if he sees a guest come in with Whooping Cough then he can tell them to leave. Gary said he didn't know that's what it was. He said he just knew she was sick. Howard said he can turn guests away from now on. Howard said that Jay Thomas just came in with a touch of E.Coli and Gary said it was okay to come in.
Howard said Gary didn't say that she sounded bad. Gary said he told him she didn't sound that good. Howard said Will just told him that Gary said ''She doesn't sound that bad.'' Howard said that's what he made the call on. Howard said he told Gary he's out of there in 3 years and he will have no job. Gary said he will be working somewhere. Gary said everyone has to work somewhere.
Howard said Gary has to protect him and make his job easy. He said that's why he's there. Howard said that Fred, Benjy, those two maniacs in the back room are all there to make his job easier. Howard said they have to protect him. Howard said David Letterman would never interview someone who had Whooping Cough. Howard said he needs people to think like their lives depend on it.
Gary said that they think in a different way around there and they don't turn guests away. Howard said he would have blown Gary if he had turned her away. He said he has to be kept healthy or he won't come back. He said if he makes his job easier over the next couple of years then maybe he'd sign on for a couple more. He said his job has to be easy before he can do that.
Howard said this caller was telling him about the cough and how contagious it is. The caller said he got it off of WebMD.com.
Big Foot Jr. said that his scabies are feverish from the Whooping Cough. Howard asked Fred if he's out of line with this. Fred said he thinks that you decide a couple of days in advance not to have someone in. Gary said if he knew a couple of days in advance he would have said something. Howard said if he's out for a month then the company thinks he's trying to pull something over on them. Robin asked if Howard thought about turning her away. Howard said every moment they were there he was thinking about it. Howard said Gary should learn about Whooping Cough and talk about it on his Nerdist show.
Robin said Howard could have told Carol to walk out. Howard said he can't tell Carol to do that. Howard said he feels like he's up on a cross today. Howard said they just confirmed the caller's facts about the cough on the web. Howard said that he feels his chest tightening up. Fred played some Jeff the Drunk coughing clips while they were going over that.
Howard said Gary has to think about this stuff. He said he has the power to control who comes in there. Howard said he's in for a day now. He said he's going to walk around worrying about getting Whooping Cough. Robin said the good thing is that he has a healthy immune system.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Carol's voice was horrible like her own voice. She said Gary really dropped the ball with this. She said that this cough has been so catchy and Howard should go to the doctor. Howard said he has an appointment today for his yearly physical. He said now he's going to be treated for Whooping Cough.
Mariann asked how Gary didn't pick up on that. Gary said he did. Howard said Carol usually has a really good voice. Howard said Gary must hate him. Gary said that's a terrible thing to say. Howard said Gary wants him to have Whooping cough. Gary said Howard has some evil thoughts in his head. Gary asked if he really thinks that way. Howard said he does. He said that Gary hates him and he wants him to get sick. Gary said he doesn't think like that. Howard said he thinks Gary wants his Nerdist channel thing to be the biggest thing on the web. Gary said that's not true at all.
Howard and Fred played with the Jeff the Drunk cough clips for a short time. Howard said it's good that Big Foot Jr. is there. Big Foot said that she's going to be signing books at a respiratory clinic. Howard said she has to wear a mask at that signing.
Howard told Gary to just make a decision and keep guests like that out of there. Howard said Gary is empowered and he depends on him. Howard said he has to keep him healthy and sane.
Howard said that email Gary sent him last night was making him insane. Howard said he was being blamed for something he didn't do. Howard said Gary didn't have to bother him with that. Gary said he's being unfair. Howard said he doesn't want to be in that loop. Howard said Gary should have told the woman that he was the one who said it. Howard said he didn't say it. Howard said he was so annoyed by it. He told Gary not to include him in it. Gary said he can't do that. He said if he left Howard out of it then he'd be annoyed by that. Howard said he doesn't like to be accused of something he didn't do. Gary said this is utterly insane. He said he has to protect Howard from Howard.
Howard told Gary that he is the executive producer and he has to handle this stuff. He mentioned the phone system and how he hasn't fixed that. Gary said this software is the industry standard. He said other shows have had issues with the system and they're looking into how to fix it. Howard said he has to find someone to fix it. He said he has to bang on Mel's door and tell him that they have a repeated problem. Gary said he has not gone to Mel yet. Howard said Mel is a problem solver. Howard said Mel solved his problem and shut him right down. Howard told him not to go to Scott Greenstein. He said that Scott is just going to go to Mel anyway. Howard told Gary to go right to Mel. Howard said they can send him the bill since that's the new protocol around there. Howard said Gary has to make it less hell around there, not more.
Howard told Gary if he sees someone there with Whooping Cough then don't let them in the studio. Howard said this job is stupid and it's not worth risking getting Whooping Cough doing it.
Howard said that this is the only station that matters there. Howard said he is the franchise there and they have to tell the owners about what their problems are. Howard said Gary should go right to Mel about the phone system. Gary said he's not afraid. He said that they have to trust the experts and if they don't work then you have to get rid of them.
Howard said he just read that Anthony from Opie and Anthony was out of work for 2 weeks with Whooping Cough. Howard said he knows he's going to get sick. Gary said that's where Carol claims she got it. Howard said he's changing the name of the show to the Gary Dell'Abate show. Gary said no one is listening to that. Howard said he's going to call it '' They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Gary said no one is going to listen to that. Howard said it's Gary's show now. Howard said he wants all of the jingles changed now. He said now Big Foot might have Whooping Cough. Big Foot said he had it but he cured it with a big shit. Howard said he was cursed the day he met Gary.
Howard said he just got a note saying that the building won't let Anthony in the building until he has a doctor's note. Howard said he didn't even know he could get Whooping Cough. Howard said he doesn't know how Carol got in there.
Howard said he has tape of Gary telling him about Carol's voice. In the clip Gary said it was ''a little bit'' annoying to talk to her. Howard said he said it was a little bit or ''a tiny bit.'' Gary said he's going to take responsibility but he doesn't want the name of the show changed. Howard said he's got it anyway. Howard said he's just been handed the Howard Stern Show name.
Howard said he has George Clooney on the phone. It was Sal in the back coughing and asking if he could come in to say hi to Howard. Gary said he's going to have to wait. Howard asked how soon he can be there. ''George'' said he could be there in a few minutes.
Howard said Ronnie warned Gary about how bad Carol sounded. Gary said he did tell him how she was sick. Howard said Gary has to make that decision from now on.
Howard said Big Foot must understand it. Big Foot said he has Small Pox so he can't get Whooping Cough. He said that prevents Whooping Cough.
Howard said he is a beaten man. He said that's his guy Gary. He said he's like Joe Paterno who just goes on and on without helping. Howard said he loves Gary but he'd like Gary to love him back a little. Gary said he does love him. He said he's sad that he feels that way. He said he actually does love Howard.
Robin said she wouldn't have let Carol in just because she didn't sound good. Robin said she was listening and listening and wondering if she could make a connection with the audience with that voice.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she had Whooping Cough when she was a child and she was sick for like 2 months. She said Howard should go to his doctor and get something for it.
Howard said he saw that Doug Goodstein had Whooping Cough and he was contacted by the CDC. Howard said he's freaking out over there. Howard asked Gary to please protect him. Howard asked if he's crying over there. Gary said he's not going to cry. Howard asked why he doesn't cry over it. He said he should.
Gary said Howard is an unbelievably cruel person. Howard said he's really not. He said he's trying to help. Gary said that he has to laugh because Howard played a clip of a baseball manager yelling at his players and Howard asked ''who thinks that this works.'' Gary said that's what he's doing to him. Howard said he has tried everything with Gary. He said he has helped him today. Howard said he loves Gary and Gary doesn't love him back. Gary said that's not true.
Howard said Gary is going to think about this at his next job. He said he will do it and he'll thank him for this in the future. Howard said he will thank him for this lecture. Howard said he is the beneficiary of all of this. Howard said Gary will be working for Imus some day and he'll remember this. Gary said he will never work for that guy.
Howard said he's preparing Gary for a real job. Howard said he excuses everything but not every job is going to be like that. Howard said he will be such a great employee for his next employer. Big Foot said Gary just isn't a team player. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody as they were wrapping up with that. Robin said she's sure his doctor will put him at ease today. Fred played more of the Jeff the Drunk coughing audio. Howard said he can't wait to go through that. He said he'll be over it in a month and he'll spring right back. Robin said she's guessing that Howard won't get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary said it himself that people who are experts should be trusted or be fired. He said that Gary is supposed to be the expert at producing the show. Howard said he's only had 38 years so they should give him a chance. the caller suggested putting him in a dunce cap. Howard said he's not into humiliating Gary. Howard went into a live commercial after that
Howard said Howard TV had video of a kid with Whooping Cough. Howard said that he doesn't want to see that. Howard said Gary looks like he's going to hang himself. Howard asked if he's going to be alright. Gary said Howard yells and then asks if he's going to be okay. He said he'll be fine. Gary said that Howard gets out the scalpel to dig at the Achilles heel that he knows he touched. Howard said he takes it all back then. Howard said he's trying to fill four hours of show. They played him anther Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Sanford and Son's theme.
Robin's News And More Whooping Cough Talk. 10/03/12. 9:45am
Howard said they have Big Foot Jr. there with them today. Howard said it was good to have him there today. Big Foot asked if they could start calling him Big Foot Kennedy so maybe Taylor Swift will want to date him too. Howard said Big Foot is pretty smart with that stuff. He knows a lot of things.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started her news talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger and how the kid he had with the maid looks more like him than any of the kids he had with Maria. Robin wondered how Maria only had suspicions when the kid looked so much like Arnold. Howard said that poor kid is in the news. He's just a kid. Robin said his father created the whole thing.
Robin read about how David Blaine is going to be doing a stunt where he's going to have a million volts of electricity going through him for 3 days straight. Howard said David asked him to come down to see the stunt but he doesn't want to be there. Howard said he was just around Whooping Cough and no one came in to see him. Robin said that Blaine will be in a chain mail suit the whole time and they're not sure how this will effect him for 3 days straight. Robin said they say this is a real thing and it starts on Friday night. He's going to be awake the whole time.
Howard wondered if he was vaccinated for Whooping Cough or not. Robin said he probably was. Robin said that the immunity may wear off at a certain point. Howard asked Gary to get his mother on the line to find out if he was vaccinated. Gary said he would do that. Robin said that she would remember that. She was the one who took him.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him to calm down. She said her husband had Whooping Cough and he coughed all over their kids. She said that her kids got it and they coughed all over her and she never got it. The caller said that the vaccine is only 60 percent effective. She said that you never know what you're going to get and it's all about susceptibility. She said that it only has a 7 year effectiveness. Howard thanked her for cheering him up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a surgeon in Buffalo. He said that the bottom line is that they're most contagious before they're symptomatic. He said that the coughing part is the least contagious. Howard said he's not following. Robin said he's saying that most of the disease is spread before the symptoms even show up. Howard said he feels better about that then. The caller asked if Big Foot Kennedy was the producer what would he have done. Big Foot Jr. said he would have fucked her.
Howard had his mom, Ray, on the phone so he asked her if she was vaccinated against Whooping Cough. Ray said that she thinks he was. She said she couldn't swear to it. Robin said he did. Howard told her that he was exposed to Whooping Cough today thanks to Gary. Ray thought that Gary had it. Howard said Gary just let a guest in who had it. Howard said he was going to say goodbye to his mommy. He said he just wanted to do that just in case he gets sick.
Robin said that Ray just said that he was vaccinated with a bunch of things and that included the Whooping Cough thing. Howard said he wants her to understand something. He said if the worst happens then Gary should make the funeral arrangements. Ray said that's not fair to Gary. She said he didn't do it deliberately. Howard said that there are no such things as mistakes. He said the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi says there are no such things as mistakes. Howard said that Carol did cough in front of him and that's the one that did it. Ray told him to quit it and start thinking positive. Howard said if he gets it then she can't visit because he doesn't want her being compromised. Howard said he has to say his goodbyes just in case.
Ray asked if this person is living who had Whooping Cough. She said she never hears about anyone having it these days. Howard said that his mom has been terrific. He said she's a terrific woman. Howard said the first time he tried to masturbate he did it in her bed. Howard said that was wrong of him to do that. Howard said he was so stupid that he urinated instead. He said that he did get a little bit in the bed. Ray said that this was starting to upset her. Howard said she's a wonderful mother and he's sorry for doing that. Ray said she accepts that apology. Howard coughed some more and said he'll be fine. He said he's strong and he lives for her. ray said she knows he's fine.
Howard said he was a brave little boy living in that black community. Ray told him to stop with that. She said that he has a lot to talk about thanks to living there. She said he should pay her for that. Howard said he owes her for a lot alright. Howard said if he goes then he doesn't want another man inside of Beth. He said she has to make sure that never happens.
Jason came in and told Howard that someone else from Sirius had Whooping Cough and he had a note about what happened. Gary said he's making the decision to not let Jason tell Howard because it'll just make it worse. Howard asked Fred if he's concerned. Fred said he is behind this big barrier so he might be a little safer.
Jason told Howard what this person said about the Whooping Cough. Howard cut him off but then asked him for more details. Jason said this was Jose who wrote this. Jose was coughing up blood and he stopped breathing. Howard said ''Oh my god!'' and asked his mom if she heard that. Ray told him to go for a run in the park and he'll feel better. Howard said Jose is in great shape too. Howard told Ray to stay away from people because they have Whooping Cough and he needs her alive. Howard asked Ray what her other child's name is. He forgot. Ray said ''what other child?'' Howard said ''exactly.'' Howard let his mom go and said that she's obviously shaken by this news. He went into a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and said that if this is his last news cast then she should make it special. Howard said he should say goodbye to Beth next. Robin read about JK Rowling's new book and how it's selling well. Robin said that the average audience is female in their 30s. Robin said she knocked off Fifty Shades of Gray from the top spot on the best seller list.
Howard asked Big Foot how he's doing over there. Big Foot said he has every disease known to man so he's doing just fine.
Robin read a story about unemployment benefits and how some millionaires collect. Howard said he doesn't think he'd collect but some people should be allowed to collect when they need it. Howard said some millionaires might need that income though.
Robin read about how Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen making out at a club the other night. Howard talked to Big Foot Jr. a little more and didn't spend much time on the Chris Brown story.
Robin read about internet and mail fraud and what type of people are most susceptible to those scams. Robin said they're trying to track those people down so you should report it if you feel you're part of a fraud.
Robin read about tanning salons and how they are showing that it can lead to skin cancer. Robin said you shouldn't start doing it in your teen years. She said that's what a lot of teens are doing. Howard said Gary got him a gift certificate for a tanning salon. Howard said Sal thought that his melanoma on his ass was from a paint ball. Howard said he knows people who tan and they look ridiculous. Howard said they look the same but darker. He said they look silly and vapid. Howard said he understands if you're outside and you go tanning it's just not good for you. He said he lays in the sun but not excessively.
Robin said that the U.N. is saying that the number of people over the age of 60 will surpass 1 billion. Robin said that we have too many old people. Howard said we have too many people on this planet. He said we need a limit on the number of people on this planet. He said we have too many. Robin said that the elderly are taking up more than the young. Howard said thanks to Gary there may be one less older man on the planet. Big Foot said that Gary is one step ahead of the game.
Robin read about some American Airlines problems where they have had loose seats. Robin said they are looking into why the seats were loose. Robin said that they found that some of these seats weren't bolted down. Howard said that's crazy. Gary said they didn't do it internally. They sent it out to another firm. Howard asked what they should do to that firm. Gary said they should fire them. Howard said they should re-use them like they do around there.
Robin read about a coach who is suing Penn State over the things that have been said about him in the Jerry Sandusky case. Robin said he's suing over the stress it's causing him and his coaching prospects.
Howard asked Benjy if he's afraid of Whooping Cough. Benjy said he's fine. Robin read more about the lawsuit and then went through a few more stories.
Robin read about how Jimmy Hoffa's body wasn't found in the area they were checking in recently. Robin said that was in Detroit. Robin said that the X-Factor will have two hosts. Mario Lopez and Khloe Kardashian will both be hosting. Howard said Mario is really busy after doing that Dancing with the Stars show. Howard said he's getting a ton of work out of that. Howard said that Khloe Kardashian is a nothing and it shows that anyone can walk in and take your job. Robin said that's why they need Mario there. She's never done anything like this.
Robin read about Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey fighting on American Idol. Howard said he has the audio but you can barely hear what they're saying. Howard said he had the transcript of it too so he could read that along with it. Howard played the audio and Howard read the transcript of what they were saying. Nicki was going off on Mariah for interrupting her every 5 minutes and saying she told them she wasn't going to put up with her shit. Howard said there's no chance they'll show that stuff on TV. Robin said they probably won't. Howard said he thinks the producers knew what they were doing when they hired Mariah and Nicki. Howard said that they wanted to cause something like that.
Robin read about tonight's presidential debates. Robin said that they have polls saying that people think Obama will do better than Romney. Robin said that Microsoft has a feature on the xBox that will let people sound off during the debates. Howard said he thought that thing was supposed to be fun. He said he thought you were supposed to beat up other people with it. Robin said it apparently does everything these days. Howard said now Scott DePace can talk politics on there. Robin said some people have drinking games set up for the debates. Howard said that they could drink every time they say ''my opponent.'' Howard said they could drink when Obama says ''folks.'' Howard said his dad hates that ''folks'' thing.
Robin said a bunch of new attack ads have come out. Robin said there's a group that has opened in a few states about Obama's pro-choice record. Robin had some audio of those ads so Howard played those and said that he's voting for Obama based on most of the stuff they're complaining about in those ads.
Robin said that Mitt Romney's garbage man is the target of an ad. Robin said that this guy picks up trash near his home in San Diego. Robin had the audio of that too.
Robin read about Boardwalk Empire getting a Sesame Street parody done. Howard said he loves Boardwalk Empire. Robin had some audio from Sesame Street where they were doing the parody. Howard said he hates when they do parodies like that trying to make the show for adults too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show saying that if this is his last show, because of Whooping Cough, don't blame Gary. He said he's going to say goodbye now. He sang a song from Damn Yankees and said this is the end.
Howard thanked Big Foot Jr. and Jay Tesoro for coming in today. Howard said that Andrew Dice Clay Jr. was there too so he had Jay do his impression of him for a few minutes.
Today's Labor Day special was over around 9:55am.
Copyright Laws Discussed. 12/05/06. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Prank call using Ol' Dirty Bastard audio clips, Counting Crows performing ''A Long December'' live in Howard's K-Rock studio.
Howard started off the show saying that he was reading something weird this morning. He said he had no idea that copyright laws in London are different for the music industry than they are here. He said that the copyright laws last for 50 years over in London so in 2012 and 2013 the Beatles catalog will be public domain. Michael Jackson owns the rights to them now but in a few years he's going to lose them to public domain. In the U.S. They last for 95 years. He said that's weird to him.
Howard said that it's strange how something like that goes away after that much time. Robin said that you can't even sing the Happy Birthday song without getting into trouble. Howard said that song must be under the 95 year copyright rule here.
More Discussions About Bubba's Wedding. 12/05/06. 6:05am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that Bubba isn't providing dinner at his wedding reception. Howard said that's okay, it's no big deal. The caller said he heard that Bubba is spending like $100,000 on that wedding.
Howard said that he thinks that Bubba took quite a hit money wise when he came to SIRIUS but he's really not sure. Howard asked Artie about what he's going to do about eating that night because he's kind of a big guy. Artie said he'll be drinking and searching for leftovers for the night.
The caller said that Bubba was talking about how many animals he and his crew have between them. They counted 34. He said it must be like a hillbilly wedding that they're going to have down there. Howard said Bubba is just a regular guy when he's on and off the air. Howard said when he goes on Letterman next week he should spray liquid ass on his face like Bubba did to one of his guys.
Howard said he might want to bring that up with Dave next week. He told Gary to make a list of things to talk to Dave about and the Liquid Ass was first on the list.
The caller told Howard to call Donald Trump and ask him to borrow his private jet. Howard said he can't do something like that, he's not that close to the guy. He let the caller go a short time later.
Howard said that they're going to fly down to Tampa, spend a day hanging out and then go to Bubba's wedding the next day. He heard Benjy on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and wanted to play some of the audio from that. He said he's actually very happy about Benjy coming with him but Benjy vented on the Wrap Up Show.
In one clip Benjy was saying that he's glad he's flying down to Tampa because in the long term it can help his career. Howard told Benjy that he's insane and his logic is kind of crazy. He said they won't even remember that he came with them.
Scott the Engineer threw a tantrum about not even being considered to fly down with Howard on this 10 seat private jet. He said that he's not talking to Scott over this whole thing. Scott came in and said that he's fine and moving on after all of that. Howard demanded an apology from him for what he did. Scott said that not bringing up his name is wrong. Howard said he can't mention his name every time and said that Scott was a mental case.
Howard said that Scott is an ingrate and told him to get out. Scott asked why he's an ingrate. Howard told him that he had gone to Tom Chiusano more than once and told him that if they fired Scott, he was gone too. Scott didn't believe that. Howard explained to him that he really did back him up and saved his job. He was told that they couldn't help but fire him so Howard put his foot down and said he would leave if Scott was fired.
Scott compared himself to Barbra Streissand during the Wrap Up Show so Howard played that clip and tried to figure out what point he was trying to make. Scott tried to explain it to Howard but it wasn't coming out right. He told Scott that he's made his life easier by giving his work to other people like Sal and Richard. He couldn't handle the pressure in the past but Sal and Richard can.
Howard started singing a song to Scott about being bald to a Barbra Streissand song. Sal then came in with a picture of a black cloud and held it over Scott's head. Gary told Howard that Scott continued to rant in his office after the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Sal recorded it. Scott claims he knew he was recording it. Howard played the clip and Scott was flipping out that Howard never invites him to anything. He said he was upset that he didn't even get an honorary mention.
Howard said he doesn't have to take him out to dinner and doesn't have to be under his black cloud. He told him to get the fuck out of the studio if he wants to be mentioned. That led to Howard talking about how Scott demanded a million dollar salary when they moved there. Scott said he knew they wouldn't take him seriously and he was very flexible with how much they paid him. He said that the real number he wanted and the million dollar salary got the same reaction there at SIRIUS.
Howard asked Scott what else he should be doing for him other than inviting him to his apartment and taking him to dinner. He said he works with the guy already and isn't sure what else he wants from him. He and Scott have no chemistry together, they're just co-workers.
Artie thought that Scott was over at Howard's apartment for his New Year's Eve party one year. Howard said Scott wasn't invited. He clarified his relationship with Scott and said that they just work together. He thinks that he's a great guy but that's as far as he wants to go with him. He likes working with him and that's it. He has no desire to spend his weekend with him.
Gary said that the guys wanted to play a game with Howard. He gave him names and Howard had to pick which one he would bring on the plane with him. Howard picked JD, Ronnie, Dan the Song Parody Man, Brian Phelan, Steve the Intern, Penny Crone, Mutt, Steve Langford and Siobhan over Scott. He didn't pick Muhammad Atta or Beetlejuice over Scott though.
Howard told Scott that he can't think of a better person to work with but that's all he wants. He told Scott he still expects an apology from him but Scott didn't understand why. Howard told him he hurt his feelings and he wants an apology for that. He didn't bother giving Scott a wave this morning because he's so pissed at him. He didn't want any tension at work and Scott has made him tense.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Scott has been complaining for 20 years now and he doesn't realize how many people would kill to have his job. Artie said that Scott has a skill though and he couldn't be replaced by just anyone like Bobo seems to think. Artie admitted that he could be replaced by a fan easier than Scott could.
Robin said she heard that Scott was going off on Howard on the Wrap Up Show from Ronnie who said he's been through similar stuff. Howard said Ronnie used to be a driver, now he stands around pretending to be a security guard. That led to Ronnie coming in and saying that he didn't say anything to Scott but he has been through stuff like this.
Ronnie said that he and Howard once got into a fight over who was invited to a Scores party one time. He said he doesn't have a problem now but Howard seemed to think that he did have a problem.
Howard asked Scott if he's got permission from his wife to go to the wedding down in Tampa. Scott said he was waiting to see who was going before he decides. Everyone figured that Scott wasn't going to show up because he has to get permission from his wife. Scott said that's not true but the guys all think that he's so whipped that he isn't allowed to go. Scott said that he might go and he would like to go to the dinner that everyone is going to. Howard told him he's not invited so Scott said there's no reason to go then.
The guys were goofing on Scott because he has to stay home with his wife after their dog died months ago. Robin said that she has lost 2 cats in the past 4 months but she's not acting like it's the end of the world. Scott said it's like losing a family member though and it's very tough for his wife.
Artie told Scott that he must have quit smoking at just the right time because his voice sounded pretty bad on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Scott said he's got problems and he has screwed up his lungs to the point where he has to take medication.
A caller said that if Howard had never brought Scott over there, he'd probably be changing light bulbs in a bowling ally somewhere. He also goofed on Ronnie so Ronnie went off on the guy.
Ralph called in and said that the loves how Scott has a name for his black lung. Scott calls it COPD. As he was talking about that Sal came in with a broomstick with a wig on it and stuck it on Scott's head. Howard asked Ralph if he's going to Bubba's wedding. Ralph was still on the fence about it.
Ralph said that yesterday's show with John the Stutterer was great, he loved the songs that Howard was playing over him. He also asked Robin about her comments about slavery during the show yesterday. Robin said she didn't think that slavery is depicted the right way in this country and it's not as easy going as people think it was.
Howard let Ralph go and then said goodbye to Scott. Howard ended up saying he was sorry to Scott as he was leaving but said he wasn't really sorry.
Artie said that now he has to figure out what to get Bubba for a wedding gift. He said he wasn't sure what to do since they're not even serving dinner. Robin said you're supposed to cover dinner costs but they're not even having dinner. Howard said he's going to get him some pickled pigs feet or something. Howard said he was going to give Bubba a grand. Robin said she was going to give five grand. Artie figured he'd give a grand himself.
Howard and Robin were giving Bubba's marriage about 3 years to last. Fred said he gives it a few years but he thinks Bubba will cheat within 6 months. Artie gave them 5 years.
Howard said he was talking to Beth about marriage and how he sees no reason to do it because he doesn't plan on having any kids. Benjy asked Howard if Beth would break up with him if he asked her to have kids. He said he thinks that she doesn't want kids right now so she probably would. Fred said that doesn't last that long because a switch goes off one day and all of a sudden they want kids.
Robin said that she knows a woman who had to break up with a guy because he wanted to have kids and she didn't. Howard said that he would prefer if Beth never changed but Robin told him that's very selfish of him to ask something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that a lot of people are doing weddings like Bubba is where they don't have dinner because so many people complain about it. Another caller said that she can't stand the thought of losing him and doesn't want him flying with everyone to Florida. She's afraid that Scott's black cloud is going to be lifted for that day and they're going to leave him behind. Howard said he hates flying and doesn't even want to think about that. Howard asked Artie if he's going to wear a suit to the wedding. Artie wasn't sure yet.
Howard said he met Carl Bernstein the other night at a friend's house. He said he thinks that the guy likes the show. He spent a short time talking about that and then said that he's thinking of dressing like the Crocodile Hunter when he goes to Bubba's wedding. He said he could run around catching bugs and fake crocodiles while he's at the wedding.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that Bubba's wedding is supposed to be really nice. He also said that Bubba is afraid that they're going to goof on his wedding on the show. Howard said everything will be fine.
The Gary Puppet Gets Stolen (August 22, 1994). 04/04/07. 9:25am
After the break we heard a request for the segment where the Gary Puppet got stolen. In that segment we hear Gary telling Howard that the Gary puppet had been stolen over the weekend. He was afraid that Howard was going to get mad at him so he was going to leave the studio to tell him. He said he was really, really nervous telling Howard this story. He said that the puppet had been abducted on Saturday but he did have a plate number so he was going to try and track it down. Gary said he thought that Howard and the guys had set him up though.
Howard said he told Gary not to take that puppet to his appearances. He said the puppet is a superstar and he loves it more than any person on the planet. He asked him how he can lose something like that. Howard asked Gary where he was and where the puppet was. Gary said he was in Little Falls, New Jersey and someone stole it while he was there. The puppet is now gone and he has no idea where it is.
Gary said the owner of the store wanted to show him his stereo system so he walked out of the store and that's when the puppet was taken. Howard asked Gary if he had called the cops yet. Gary said he hadn't done that yet. He said the owner is willing to pay for a new one to be made and that might take a couple of weeks. Howard asked Gary to just go himself from now on and not take the puppet. He said he can't trust him with his property.
Howard had a caller on the line who said that he was there at the store and thought that the guys were pulling a prank on Gary. Howard ended up hanging up on that guy because he didn't have his camera on him. Gary knew that something was up and wondered why Howard hung up on that guy so quick. Howard said goodbye to Gary and told him to leave after he gave him a big smirk like he was in on the whole thing.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard he had another guy on the line who saw the puppet get stolen. The guy said that he saw Gary after the puppet disappeared and he was so white he looked like a mime with big green teeth. He said he could see the dread in his face when the puppet had vanished. Howard asked for someone to return the puppet so they could move on. He said Gary was staring at him like he had done something wrong.
Howard said this did seem kind of dumb because it's all over a puppet. He said he's not even mad at Gary for the puppet being taken when he had nothing to do with it. He said he doesn't get Gary and asked him why he would give him that look when he had nothing to do with it.
Gary said the guy on the phone didn't even see what happened, he wasn't there. He said he still thinks that this is a practical joke that they're pulling on him because they've done that to other people on the show. He said he was promoting this gig for two weeks and he could just about see the smile on Jackie's face. Gary said he had someone watching over the puppet for him so he should have been okay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the puppet. He said he was looking at the puppet as they spoke and described what he was wearing. Howard asked to talk to the puppet so the guy did his Gary impression and goofed on Gary a little bit. Gary claimed that the guy had left a ransom note so he was going to run out to get it. Howard continued to talk to the guy for a short time and then Gary came back in and said that he has his license plate number. He also said that stealing the puppet is a felony because it's worth over $600. The guy said that he was showing the puppet to friends and he had offers to buy it.
Howard said he doesn't know what this guy is going to be doing to the puppet while he has it. He said that he's not sure he wants it back now. He asked the guy to just give it back. The guy said he lives in New Jersey so he could have it there in 15 minutes... for the right price. Tom Chiusano came in and said they're not going to negotiate with a criminal. He said they have a lead and they will call the police and get things in gear.
The caller said he wanted $2,000 for it and he'd bring it in. Howard said he would pay. He asked if he wanted to do it at a drop off point or something so they could avoid the police. Ralph came in and said that he could make a new one with two thousand dollars. Tom said he thinks they should go after that guy. Howard wanted to know what they should do with Gary. Gary wanted to get the puppet back first and then decide. Howard said he thinks that Gary hates the puppet so much that he left it alone hoping that it would disappear. Gary said that's not the case.
Howard said that the puppet has gotten more popular than him and that's why he wanted it to disappear. Gary said he loved the puppet. Howard wondered why he didn't let him know that the puppet had been stolen right away. Gary had the license plate number and should have reported it immediately. Gary said this was turning out as bad as he expected it to. Howard and Robin goofed on him for not calling the cops right away.
The caller said he was going to jack up the price to $5,000 since he did have some offers for that much. Howard said he would call off the deal and call the cops on him instead. The guy said that this is the original puppet and it's like having the original Charlie McCarthy doll. Howard said this is like negotiating with Jackie.
The Gary Puppet Gets Stolen (August 22, 1994). 04/04/07. 9:25am
Howard said he really wanted to resolve this whole thing and decided that they're not going to negotiate with the guy. A cop had showed up to take some information down. The cop came in but he was a New York City officer. The crime took place in New Jersey so they had to report it there. That led to Howard telling the cop how dopey Gary is and how he should have reported this over the weekend.
Howard had Gary repeating after him. He had him talking about how incompetent he is and that he will stop taking that stuff and also stop taking stupid pills and dumb capsules. Robin said she can't believe he did something he was told not to do. Howard said this wasn't the first time he's been fooled and it won't be the last. He said his first reaction was to say no to him and that's what he should have done.
Howard said that he's not going to be a nice guy on this show anymore. If he wants the puppet to stay there, it's going to stay there from now on. John said that they had a private investigator there. Howard told him to keep that guy around so they could hire him to find Gary's brain.
Howard said that they were actually going to have that puppet host ''Talk Soup'' on E!. Howard told Gary that he needs a real producer and he needs to get rid of him. Howard said he wanted to finalize everything and wrap up. He got the owner of the store, Nick, on the phone and asked him what had gone on. Nick said he was demonstrating the mini-disc system he had in his car and they left the puppet behind. He said that they had a lot of people in the store and someone took their eyes off the puppet for a short time. He said that Gary was very upset and it turned the place into a funeral.
Gary said that this all happened about a half hour before he was done with the appearance. Nick said he did hear some people talking about stealing the puppet and he should have known something was going on. He also said he had asked Gary if he wanted him to report the theft to the police but Gary didn't want him to. Gary said he didn't think that it would help things out at the time.
Fred came walking in with the puppet a short time later. Gary said that he knew that they had set him up. Howard said he didn't know anything. Howard said he would be nuts to let that puppet out of his sight. He said they plotted the stealing of that puppet for three weeks. He said Gary had asked him if he could borrow the puppet and that led to them coming up with the plan. John said that he was the one who actually stole the puppet so of course he knew about it. Gary kept calling him over the weekend freaking out about it.
John said that the car that they drove off in was his assistant's car. Gary said that the plate number he had was actually a bad number. He had tried to report it but it was missing a number or one of the numbers was wrong. Gary wondered if they were going to have video tape of the whole thing too. Howard said they didn't have that. Fred did his Gary Puppet impression and goofed on Gary with the puppet for a few seconds.
Howard said they came up with this plan after some discussion and they weren't sure they were going to be able to pull it off. Then they got the owner of the store involved and had him help them out with the plan. Gary said he's amazed that no one caved in after seeing him freaking out on them.
Howard said that John called him that night to tell him he had the puppet. He wanted to call the whole thing off but John wanted to keep the joke going for a while. That's why they kept it going until this morning. Gary said he wanted to come in and search the station for the puppet this morning. John said the puppet was safe in a car out on Madison Avenue this morning. Gary asked whose idea it really was. Howard wasn't sure but he thinks that it might have been Jackie. Gary had placed the blame on him earlier in the morning and it was almost as if he was quoting him according to Jackie.
Jackie said that it would have been great if they could have stolen the puppet from John as well. John said he had that in mind so he was expecting it. Gary said that he and his wife were talking about it and they figured this would be dragged out for a few more days at least. John said that he regrets not recording the calls he had with Howard. He said they were laughing together about the whole thing. Howard said he told John to tell the guy to call in with the puppet demanding ransom money. Gary was also fooled because Howard didn't bring up the puppet early this morning like he expected him to.
Gary said that he was so exhausted and depressed that he went to bed at about 6:30 last night. He said he woke up 3 or 4 times during the night as well. Howard took a call from a guy who said he was there and very upset that the puppet had been stolen. Howard said this whole thing worked out great. They had been planning it for three weeks and it worked out very well.
Bam Margera And His Girlfriend Missy Visit. 01/30/07. 7:15am
After the break Howard was playing the prank call that Richard Christy made to a woman asking about some items she was selling. He had his voice doubled up and had the woman very confused. After that he had Bam Margera come in. He said he's got a new TV show coming out where he and his girlfriend get married. He came in with his girlfriend Missy who is co-starring with him on his new TV show. Howard said that Gary's son is into Bam even though he doesn't know what he does.
Gary said that his son sees Bam in commercials and from the Tony Hawk video games. Gary said all of his friends know that he knows Bam so they think he's really cool. Howard asked Bam if the success of Jackass Number Two took him by surprise. Bam said they knew it was going to be a hit because they did so much great stuff in the first 10 days of shooting.
Howard moved on to Missy and asked her if she was the hot chick in high school that Bam never had a chance with. She said she didn't know about that. Bam said there were about four girls in high school that he would have loved to be with but he was too busy skating. He missed out on the keg parties and stuff like that back then. Missy said she enjoyed those things. She said she was friends with Bam in high school but they didn't date. Howard figured Bam went off and did his thing while she was doing her thing.
Howard wondered when Bam and Missy got together. Bam said he was shooting some stuff for one of his videos and ran into her in a bar. He had a camera crew with him so that probably impressed her. Bam said that his girlfriend and Missy's boyfriend kept them from seeing each other because they knew how much they liked each other. Bam said he broke up with his girlfriend and then found out that Missy had broken up with her boyfriend. She gave him a call as he was going down to Brazil so he told her he'd be back in 10 days. When he got back, they got together and that was it, they've been together since then.
Howard thought that Bam was going to change his ways for Missy but she said she wouldn't want him to do that. She said she can handle his partying up to a point. Sometimes she just has to let him go do what he wants to do. Howard said Missy's parents must be worried about her marrying Bam. She said her mother has known Bam for a long time and she doesn't have a problem with it. Her father passed away about 6 years ago and he was a big fan of Howard's.
Howard asked Missy if Bam is the best lover she's ever had. She said ''absolutely'' and that he's very creative. Bam said that he's figured out a way to hump in the car while he's driving. He said she sits on his lap and faces the road as he's banging her. Robin wondered how that comes up and how he breaks the news to her. Bam said that they go to this lingerie shop and he gets all worked up from that. He told a story about seeing a couple of homo thugs at that store one day. He said they were a couple of thug-types who were trying on panties and stuff.
Howard said that Missy is pretty wild because she let Bam take nude shots of her for Playboy.com. He asked her about the sex again and wanted to understand what they do in the car. Bam pulls his pants down and missy sits on his lap while he's driving. Bam said her legs are in the middle of Bam's legs and they have plenty of room as long as they're driving the Hummer. Bam said he lives out in the woods and doesn't have to deal with traffic. Howard asked them to demonstrate the position so they could get an idea of what that looks like. They showed Howard and he said they're very talented to be able to do something like that. Howard said he's trained to do a very simple position so he can get it done quick before the girl changes her mind.
Bam talked about this TV show they're doing. They have 9 shows that they're doing but they've already been asked to do a second season. Howard asked Missy if she wears sexy outfits for the show. She said she will do that for certain times like when they go out at night, but she tries to keep it real. Howard said that these marriage shows don't always work out. The Jessica Simpson show is a good example of that. Bam said that he and Missy are different because she isn't a celebrity. She doesn't even care to be on TV.
Howard asked Bam if he wants to keep his girlfriend working in the sign shop she works in. Bam said that she's been asked to do Maxim and other magazines. Missy said she likes working in the sign shop so she does that for fun. Howard said that Bam must have women who throw themselves at him and wondered if they're going to take him away from her. Bam said that he told Missy that he wanted to get a Real Doll so he could do anything he wants to her. Bam said that Missy actually ordered the doll for him and he hasn't gotten it yet. He said he thinks that his roommates are going to be fucking the thing when he goes off to do his thing.
Howard asked Bam if he's having the best life. Bam was telling him about all of the people he has living with him and it sounded like a lot of fun. Howard asked him if he had a bachelor party. He said he already had it and it was wild. He said that Missy went to some spa while he went out to Vegas where he had a room with a bowling alley and a bartender. He said there were three ''lezzies'' eating each other out when he woke up from a nap. Then he sees that Don Vito had shit his pants after getting drunk.
Bam said he didn't have sex out there but he did watch the hot chicks having sex. He claims that MTV set up the girls for him. He told Howard about all of the crazy shit that went on at the hotel room that night. He threw a bowling ball at one of the guy's balls and ass and he ended up shitting himself.
Bam says their wedding is going to be pretty mellow and small. He said he plans on living out in Westchester, Pennsylvania. He doesn't want to live out in L.A. because he'd be stuck with all of the traffic out there. Howard asked Missy if she's ever done any lesbian stuff in her life. Bam said that she ate out some chick in high school but she claims she just made out with her. Bam said that if you start bringing chicks into the relationship, it can ruin it. Howard agreed but he has talked to her about it.
Robin asked Bam and Missy if they're going to have kids. Bam said it won't be for the first couple of years. He said he doesn't need a little ''me'' running around doing Jackass shit like he does. He's not ready for that. Howard asked Missy if she's worried about Bam doing the stunts and stuff he does. She said she is worried about that but she wouldn't leave him if he did get paralyzed or something. That led to Bam talking about the limits he has for the stunts he does in the Jackass movies. He said he doesn't want to be trampled by a bull like Johnny Knoxville does. He said Johnny does not give a shit about anything and that's why he's the boss. He gets a lot of money to do movies and stuff but he wants to see him getting kicked in the dick and stuff like that.
Bam said he regrets not doing crazy stuff if he doesn't do it. If he goes to New Zealand and sees a really high bridge, he has to jump off of it or he'll regret it. Howard gave him a plug for his TV show ''Bam Margera's Holy Wedding'' which airs tonight on MTV.
Irish John called in and asked Bam about some crazy ex-girlfriend who was selling his stuff on eBay.com. Bam said that kind of pissed him off and he tried to get some of the stuff back. He said that they had a pretty bad coke habit and she may have been out of money so she may have been selling it to make money. He said he hopes that she's able to clean up if she's still on the stuff. He said he's happy he's with Missy because she hates that shit. She doesn't do that stuff and barely drinks.
Bam said that he gave his ex-girlfriend an Audi as a gift when they broke up. She ended up wrapping the car around a tree and the cops ended up coming to his house thinking that it was him who wrecked the car. He was in Germany at the time. Bam also said that their relationship was kind of rough. They ended up fighting a lot and he fell on his neck at one point and figured that she was going to feel bad about it but she ended up throwing a glass at him. Howard read that Bam cut off all of her hair one time. Bam said she was laughing while he was doing it at the time. Then she got pissed after it and made it seem like he did it without her consent.
Howard asked Bam if he video tapes their sex together. Bam said he does do that and he keeps the tapes in a safe. Bam said he uses a fish-eye lens to make sure he gets all the action in those videos. Bam said there's one where Missy had a cat mask on that was pretty wild.
Howard gave Bam another plug for his show which starts tonight. A caller asked Bam about the brands he has on his ass. He got his ass branded with penises and he ended up getting a staff infection from that whole thing. Howard asked Bam about the gay stuff they did for the Jackass movie. Bam said he did one thing called Anal Bead Kite where he put anal beads up his ass and had a kite rip them out of there. He said that didn't make it into the movie because it was too gay.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why those guys do so much gay stuff and why they don't just suck each other's dicks. Bam said that he thinks a guy being naked and dropping into a ramp is funnier than a guy wearing clothes. Howard agreed that it's funnier when they're naked. Another caller asked what's going on with Don Vito and his lawsuit. Bam said that these ''Colorado motherfuckers'' are dragging out this case longer than they should. He explained what Don does when he has his picture taken and how he accidentally touched a girl's boob and now they're making a big deal out of it. He said they had to take him out of the Jackass movie because of that and they did a great bit where they ripped Don's tooth out with his Lamborghini.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Bam has a home sex tape out. Bam said he did release a little bit of him having sex with his old girlfriend on CKY 4 but it's only about 30 seconds. Howard took another call from a guy who asked Missy if she's ever licked Bam's ass. She doesn't usually do that but if Bam wanted it, she said she wouldn't deny him. Howard said he's never had a woman who wanted to do that to him so he's never experienced it. Howard said it can't taste good back there and it's got to make a girl nauseous.
Howard said Missy looks like a really fun girl. She thanked him for that and then Howard was going to take another call. Robin wanted to know what kind of ring he got for her though. Bam said he spent about $50,000 on the ring and another $15,000 on the wedding band. He said she's all blinged up now. He sounded angry that he had spent that much on that stuff. Missy said she did buy him that Real Doll though. That led to Howard and Fred talking about how they fucked the Real Doll they had back at K-Rock. Howard said that you have to clean up that doll after you bang it and it's not fun.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they have to get Missy on the Sybian. She wasn't into that and Howard understood why she didn't want to. He wrapped up with them after that and gave them another plug for the TV show. He asked Missy if Bam is ever normal or if he's crazy all the time. She said he's most normal when he wakes up in the morning. He gets crazier as the day goes on. Bam told Howard that he had a friend who wanted to be his Best Man and he said he could do that if he let him punch him in the eyes until they were black and blue. He let him do that too. Howard said he'll be watching their show. They went to break after that.
Jason And Gary's ''Reading'' Argument. 11/11/09. 8:15am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a guy using clips of Ronnie the Limo Driver yelling about the new Camaro being a piece of shit. Fred also played Stone Temple Pilots ''Plush'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that people who are blind can get porn and have people describe it to them. He said he thinks that this is a comedy bit but he was going to play something from a web site where they describe porn for the blind. In the clip they describe where the porn comes from and describe what it looks like for the blind people visiting their site. The guy in the clip was describing what was on the page of one site and reading the descriptions and then playing a clip and describing what was going on in one of the porn clips.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and Jason has become a star on that show. He said Jason was going off on Gary for saying that he ''read'' a book when he just listened to the audio book. Howard said Jason went berserk on Gary over that.
Howard said even Gary said it wasn't that big of a deal. He said Jason was on fire over that. Jason said he doesn't just do it on the air though. He said he'll come in after the weekend and say that he read the greatest book and he didn't read it at all, he listened to it. He said that the audio books are abridged so you're missing huge parts of them. Gary said that about half of the audio books are abridged. Jason said he thinks it's more than that.
Jason said he was talking to Gary about a book that they had both ''read'' and Gary missed out on some of the stuff that he had read because it was an abridged book.
Gary told Jason to stop calling him stupid. He said it wasn't very nice. Jason said that he can listen to whatever he wants and he can call it whatever he wants. Gary said it's funny how Jason gets so passionate about this stuff. He said that he doesn't appreciate him telling everyone in the office he thinks he's stupid. He said he can do that in private if he wants to.
Gary said this is a stupid argument and it offends no one but Jason. Jason said there are other people too, they're just not talking about it. Jason said he doesn't think that Gary is really stupid and he apologized to him for his poor choice of words.
Gary said that the people in the office aren't talking about him behind his back like Jason says they are. Jason said they are though. He said he should ask them.
Howard asked Gary if he will stop saying it now. Gary said for the sake of Jason he might. Howard said he thinks he's considering it.
Howard said he thinks that reading or listening is the same thing. Gary said that his kids are still learning so he'd prefer that they read a book and not listen to it. Jason said Gary said it's the same thing though so he should let them listen.
Gary said he gets bored in his car and that's why he listens to the books. Gary said he reads a book every night in bed. He said that it's not just listening to all of the books. Howard said he would love to see Gary reading in bed like that. Gary said he has to wear bifocals to read in bed too so it's not very cool.
Howard asked if Gary has one of those lights that he puts in the book. Gary said he doesn't have a special light or one of those Snuggies like they were talking about. Howard asked if he has a wedge to sit on. Gary said he just sits in bed and reads the book without a light or a Snuggie. Artie said if he gets Gary in the Secret Santa thing this year he's going to get him a Mets Snuggie.
Body Fat Discussions. 04/26/06. 9:10am
Howard said that Dice was great this morning. He asked Gary if Dice had left yet. Gary said he was sitting there in his office so Howard said maybe he could come back in after the commercial break. He said Dice may not want to be there because they have a woman coming in to measure their body fat. Howard figures that he may have the most body fat and Artie may have more muscle than he thinks he does. Artie said he knows that he's out of shape, he hasn't worked out since he was in high school.
Howard said he looks skinny but he's really not. Robin said that there are a few people in there who will have more body fat than Howard does. Robin said she's not going to take part in that. Fred said that they have to get Jason and Will in on that. Gary said that he's pretty sure that Dice won't want to do it. Howard told Gary to get the woman started out there measuring the other guys in the office. He came back and said that it takes about 2 minutes per person so Howard told them to get started.
Another phone caller told Howard that Dice was great today but then called him a has-been a minute later. He was asking Artie when he's coming down to Florida to do a stand-up gig. Artie said he'll be down there soon enough. Gary thinks that he's going to be doing comedy gigs every weekend in the summer but Artie said it won't be that nuts. He's going to be doing some gigs during the summer when they have time off. Howard figures he'll be in bed for a few days after doing the gigs.
Gary said he's pretty sure that he won't be taking part in the body fat measurement. He has no desire to do that. Howard went to break right after that.
Chris Freytag's Body Fat Measurement Details. 04/26/06. 10:00am
Howard had Gary bring in Chris Freytag who was doing the body fat measurements. Gary said that everyone had been done but Howard and Artie. Fred wasn't done either. Gary told Howard that he doesn't have to take his shirt off, he can just lift it up and let her take the measurement.
Howard said he had some great stuff to play today but he ran out of time. Chris came in a few seconds later so he told her that she may be a little too muscular. Her arms were apparently very big. He said that when a woman's arms get that big, it's too much for him. He had her measure Fred first since she had done just about everyone else. She had a helper with her from Prevention magazine by the name of Cheryl. She was helping her out with the numbers. Fred said it still hurt for a while after she took the measurement.
Howard stood up and had Chris measure him. She told him that he was very tall and his stomach looked pretty good. Howard let out a yell as she as measuring his belly with the calipers that were pinching him. He told Artie that he was in for some pain when he got measured.
Chris went over to Artie next and he let out a yelp when she was pinching him. She said that she was having a problem measuring his belly fat because there was so much of it. She gave a number of 60 when she finally got it. Fred asked if that was the most out of everyone. She didn't answer because she probably didn't hear him.
Howard asked Chris what kind of body fat she has. She said she's around a 15. Howard checked out her abs and said that she looks great for having 3 kids. Artie said he has no kids and no abs. Gary said that his numbers for the first three measurements weren't that far off of Howard's but the ab fat was way off. Howard asked to check out Chris' ass so she stood up and showed it off. Artie pulled out a $100 bill and asked her if that got her to forget about the body.
Howard tried to find out what kind of stuff she does with her husband but she just wanted to talk about body fat. Howard asked her if she's done anything wild in her life. She said that she has but didn't have any examples. Howard asked her if her sons have friends over who check her out while she's wearing a bikini. She said she really doesn't wear one around them that much.
Richard Christy came in and asked Chris if she does Kegle exercises to keep herself in shape down there. She said that she does that as part of her pilates exercises. Richard also asked her if she would get into a bikini for them. Chris said she's a mother and doesn't want to do that on the air.
Howard wanted to play a game with Chris and let them guess who has the lowest and highest body fat. Howard asked Artie who he thinks has the lowest. The guys guessed it was either Howard or Will but it turns out it was Richard Christy who has the lowest body fat. Will was also low but not as low as Richard. Howard asked her if she caught a whiff of his stink since he doesn't shower very often. She didn't say she did.
The guys guessed at who had the most body fat. Benjy and Scott's names both came up. Benjy was off the chart according to Chris. Jason was also up there pretty high. The guys talked about the amount of food that Benjy eats every day. Artie was eating some Devil Dogs and butted into the conversation with a mouth full of food.
Chris said that Artie was also off of her chart. She said that Benjy and Artie were both off of her chart and they were close in numbers. She said that JD was at about 20 percent, Gary was at 24 percent, Sal was in an acceptable location and Ronnie was a little under 25 percent. Scott the Engineer was a little over but not too bad. No one was in the ''athletic'' percentage. Mike Gange was at about 28 percent which was close to where Scott the Engineer was at. Gange found it hard to believe that he was that close to Scott.
Chris said that Howard was at about 22 percent body fat. Gary said that means he's only 2 percent less than he is. Chris said that some guys are harder to read than others because their skin is tighter than a woman's would be. Howard gave Chris a plug for her DVDs (''Prevention Fitness System - Personal Training'') which are available in stores. She told Howard what those are all about and said that she wears spandex in them.
Howard almost forgot so he asked what George Flowers was at. He's at 26 percent according to Chris. She said that there's an error correction of a few percent so he could be lower than that. Howard wrapped up with Chris and let her go a short time later.
Today's special was over around 10:30am.
Paul said he gets sucked into that too. He said he has the same thing with Benjy not recognizing him. He said that he thinks that he looks a little like Rob Corddry and he thinks he's confused by him. He said that he may think he's Rob or David Koechner.
Jason also congratulated Benjy on Sharknado 2. He said that he might have to congratulate him on 3 but that hasn't even been announced yet. Jon asked the guys if Benjy is doing the right thing saying he's in the next one even though he's not. Jon asked if that helps at all. Paul said they have to want you back. Jason said they don't want you to force yourself upon them. He said maybe if he says it enough they'll put him in it. He said he wouldn't be surprised if he made his way back into it.
Paul said he's a huge Stern Show fan but he thinks that the numbers for Sharknado had a lot to do with other people being in the movie. Jon asked if there is any Benjy bump there. They said there might be a little one.
Jon took a call from Wolfie and Jason asked if they're going to play his theme song. Then he remembered that Wolfie doesn't get a theme son. Wolfie said he used to like these guys.
Wolfie asked if they would push to get Eric the Actor on their show. Paul said he has tried. He said he has killed some shows so maybe they can't do it. Paul said he feels like any show he works on couldn't afford to bring him in. He said they have to have a lot of money to get him to the set.
Jon said apparently Eric won't be joining The League this year. Jon said they say no to Eric but maybe someone else from the show could be involved. Steve said that maybe JD could come in and direct. He said they don't direct conventionally but they might be able to get JD to do it. Paul said they love to get Howard Stern Show stuff into the show and they were doing ''Whoa, whoa, whoa stop the clock'' so much that they had to ask them to stop. They said they've tried to get ''Hello, hello'' into it too.
Jon said that JD has become a name in the business. Paul said that he heard that JD's name came up to direct Sharknado 3. He said the ball may be in his court.
Jason said he would love Ronnie to be on The League. He said he can see them running into Ronnie on the show. Jason said he thinks that he could play his father on the show. Jon asked if it would be Ronnie as himself or a character. Jason said he'd be a character. Jon said maybe Donnie the Limo Driver. Steve said they don't want him to come to the show as anything but Ronnie.
Jon asked how Ronnie would be in an improv environment. Jason said he would be amazing. Paul said he'd probably be leaving the scene because he'd get upset not knowing when to talk. Paul said he can see him in Gossip Girl too. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked the guys if they have a league on the set of the show. They said they do. Paul said they did an auto draft and they just went with whatever they got. Steve said he has no idea what his league even looks like yet. Jon asked JD if he could handle that. JD said no. He said if money is involved there's no way. Jon said it's a level playing field though. JD said he would figure out some way to get certain players. He said he doesn't know if he could do it.
The guys spent more time talking about fantasy football and the Wonderlic test. Some of the guys said that test is bullshit. Paul said it's a ridiculous test. Steve Brandano came in to talk about the fantasy football thing with the guys too. He's out of the league this season. He said it's just not worth it.
Jason asked JD if his girlfriend is into it. JD said she was last year. He said that she doesn't follow sports though. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about their leagues.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she's excited to talk to Jon. She said she and her husband love The League too. She said she's not a fantasy football girl but she does love the show. She said she can't wait to see the new season. She said she loves the guys and especially Paul. She said he's hilarious on the show.
Jon said they do get pretty raunchy on the show and he wondered if they are shocked by how much they get away with. Paul said they forget what they're allowed to say and do. He said they can do pretty much anything. Paul said his grandmother is coming to the premiere tonight. He said that it'll be great to get her out of the house though. He said she's going to hate seeing what they play tonight.
Jason said they can now show the double bird on the show. He said they weren't sure they could do it but he had them check with standards and practices and they let them do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Jason's character, Rafi, will go down in history as one of the greatest. Jason said he agrees. The caller said he loves the show and he's caught up on it on Netflix. Steve said season 5 drops on Netflix today. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked JD what else he would do. JD said that he'd have to figure out a way to shoot it. Jon said that the guys all seem thoroughly impressed with the way JD is talking about this.
The guys asked if JD would be interested in directing Sharknado 3. JD said that's not his kind of thing. He said Benjy was great in the movie but other than that he doesn't really care about it. Paul asked if JD would do it if he could do a complete makeover of the movie. JD said he has to be doing something he's interested in. He said he has to have his heart in it. JD said he does like Jaws and the movie Twister but separately.
Steve asked how he would direct Benjy in a movie. JD said it all depends but Benjy is pretty good at figuring out how to say lines. He said he might have to tweak it a bit. He said he probably wouldn't have to because he knows what he's doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks The League is hysterical. He asked the guys about who the biggest asshole is to work with. Steve said Nick Kroll. The other guys agreed. Paul said that Chad Ochocinco was also a pain. He said he had 4 cell phones on him at all times. They said he was actually a fascinating guy to work with. Jason said Chad was surrounded by women all the time too.
Jon asked if they just observed. They said that's what they did. They said they observed from afar. They said he may not have even known they were in the show.
Jon had Shuli give them a Howard 100 News headline rundown. Shuli said that the rumors of Beetlejuice being dead are not true. He said he is alive. Shuli said they spoke to JD about his romantic weekend with his girlfriend. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:20am.
Gary's Letterman Appearance Discussed. 10/26/10. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Sal and Richard use Sour Shoes clips to prank calls to Steve Langford, Joe Walsh and the James Gang performing ''Walk Away'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about how fast the week is flying by already. He asked Gary how many shows they have left. Gary said he thinks that it's like 21. Howard asked how that could be. Gary was told it's actually 26.
Howard said Gary was on David Letterman last night. Howard and Robin both got up to watch. Howard asked Robin what she thought of it and asked for a grade. Robin said she would give it a B. Howard asked if she's giving it a B for telling the Baba Booey story wrong. Howard said Gary still doesn't understand why he's called Baba Booey. He said ''Baba Looey'' instead of Baba Booey when he told the story of how he got stuck with that name. Howard explained how Gary started the story off right but then he told Dave that he went on the air and said he got a ''Baba Looey'' when he meant to say ''Baba Booey'' in the story.
Gary said he knows he slipped up. Howard said he could have had an A if he had told the story right. Gary said the whole thing was overwhelming and he thought he did okay for never being on a talk show like that before. Robin said Gary looked good. Howard said he did.
Howard said there was a whole thing going on in the green room too. He was annoyed with everyone who wanted to hang out in the green room. Gary said he wanted to bring Jon Hein, Ross and his friend Steve. Then his agent came, Steve Langford came, Tim Sabean came and the PR person from the book company. Gary said he wasn't able to get into his own dressing room because there were so many there. Gary said Vinnie was there and he asked if he wanted everyone out of the room. He didn't want to do that.
Gary said Vinnie has rules so he had to watch the show to see if there were any references. Howard said Vinnie never gets to interact with the show so he has to do stuff like that. Gary said he was thinking about what was going on and everyone else was eating the food in the green room. He realized how annoying that can be and now he has to apologize to Howard for being one of those people. Howard said he understands.
Howard said he's with Robin on the B grade. He said that he thought his stories were funny but he screwed up that one story. Robin said that Gary did good with the greeting of Dave and Dave seemed to be happy to see him.
Howard said that Gary did a great job and he was fun and funny. Robin said he wouldn't sit back on the chair though. Gary said he had a discussion about that too. He said he talked to Vinnie about sitting up or sitting back and Vinnie told him to sit up. Howard said Gary had a shirt on and Ross told him to leave it untucked. Gary said that Ross told him to get a nice jacket and not something off the rack. Vinnie told him to tuck the shirt in and Ross told him to leave it out. Gary said Ross wanted to tell Vinnie to shut the fuck up. He said Jon Hein was telling him to just go out and have fun and not worry about what he looked like so much.
Howard said Vinnie doesn't know because he doesn't get out. Howard asked if Mary was there. Gary said she was there in the audience. He said that's where she wanted to be. Gary said that his kids weren't there but they weren't upset about that. It was Mary, her niece and some neighbors.
Gary said the Kings of Leon were great too. He said they did an extra song after their on-air song. Gary said that the great part was where Dave said he was sure there were more great stories in the book (They Call Me Baba Booey).
Howard said some people said that what he said about Gary going on Letterman diminishes the show for him. He said he got a lot of email about that. Howard said he'll read some of that but he might have to play Gary's appearance. Gary said that he thought that ''Baba O'Reilly'' would have been a good song to play as he was coming out. He said they played Warren Zevon's ''Muhammad's Radio'' when he came out. He said he found that a little strange. Howard said that is very obscure.
Robin said she thought Gary looked good last night. She said she liked his beard and his hair cut and all of that. She said he looked really good overall. Howard said he didn't count Gary licking his lips. Robin said he may have done it 3 times. Howard said most of the people writing in are saying that he did it 15 times. Howard said he didn't notice it. Bobo was on the phone and said he saw 10 times. Wolfie was on the phone and saw 17. Gary said that only a full lick should count. He said there may have been some quarter licks.
Howard said Letterman looked stunned by his lips so it may have thrown him off. Robin said that there were some profile shots where his teeth really shined. Howard said Dave was blinded by those.
Gary said he spoke to Charles Barkley on his way out last night and he's going to try to get him on the show. Gary said that he used to come on but he disappeared when he was in the press a while back.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for Scott DePace's opinion about how Gary did. Howard said that Scott was going off on Gary on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he thinks that he's having a hard time with everything that's going on. Gary said Scott said that he didn't even write his own book. Scott said they're all crazy and they're taking it all wrong. Scott said he didn't even see Gary last night. He said he can't congratulate him on his book if he hasn't read it yet.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Baba Booey licked his teeth 24 times by his count. Another guy had 14 1/2. The guy said that Gary kind of snuck in a right lick there during his story. Howard said they have to get an official count on that.
Another caller thanked Howard for kicking ass all these years. He also said Dave seemed to like all of Gary's stories. The guy asked if Howard is going to bring all of his shows to wherever he goes. Howard said he'll let him know when the time is right. Howard said he isn't saying anything right now. Howard said Chuck Zito is going to go wherever he wants to go so he can't say if he's bringing him.
Gary asked if Howard owns everything they've done there. Howard said he can't say anything right now because things are very weird right now.
King of All Blacks called in and said that Gary looked good last night. He said that his wife liked him too and said he was very handsome for a white guy. He said he looked kind of like George Clooney to her.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that he was great on the show and Gary was great outside of the building before and after the show. Gary said that there was really no one there other than Mariann but she got everyone riled up around there.
Another caller asked if they saw the 60 Minutes story about Jane Goodall. Howard didn't see it. The caller said it looked like promotion for Gary's book. Gary said that his team is very good and it's all one big tie in.
Another caller said Gary was great on the show and he thought Gary looked good. He said he was licking his lips a lot and did look like a horse tooth jackass. He said that he'll follow Howard and the guys wherever they go too.
Bobo called back and said that DePace is jealous of Gary's success. He said that Gary was great last night but he didn't get enough time. Gary said he had just the right amount of time. Howard agreed. Bobo thought Gary should have waited for Dave to sit down before he sat down. Howard said there is no etiquette when it comes to that on a talk show.
Howard and Robin talked about how Dave's desk is so high and how even Charles Barkley was looking up at Dave from the chair. Howard said that it's a control thing and they seem to know what they're doing. Howard said he would throw all of them out if he had a TV talk show. Howard said they had no rules on their channel 9 show.
Bobo asked if Dave is dying his hair blonde. Howard said he does think he is doing something. He may be dying his eyebrows as well.
Howard said DePace went at it with Gary on the Wrap Up Show. He wanted to give them an idea of the hostility. Robin said it sounds like jealousy to her. DePace said it's not.
Howard played a clip of Scott and Gary talking about the book and Scott saying that he's not sure Gary has the talent to write a book. He said it just showed he had a good memory if he can write a book about what he's done. DePace said that he wasn't sure how much of that book was written by Gary. Scott claims he's not jealous but he doesn't see the amazing accomplishment of writing a book. Scott said he's against the award shows and all of that bullshit and he's not going to jump up and down for Gary writing a book.
After that clip Howard said that Scott isn't going to Gary's book party and it's turned into a whole thing. Robin said Scott is mean spirited. Scott said that's just not true. Gary said Mary was up there with him last night and she wasn't mad at Scott until yesterday. She told him that she wanted to go sneeze on his desk.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he was disappointed in the show last night. He said that Dave gave Charles Barkley 2 segments and he thinks that he was snubbing Gary wondering why he had him on. Howard said Dave was doing the traditional show and it wasn't anything more than that. Melrose said that Gary didn't mention Fred or Robin in that interview either. Howard said that's true but he told Melrose he's insane. Melrose congratulated Gary on his appearance. Melrose said he was just fuckin with them.
Gary's Letterman Appearance Clips Played. 10/26/10. 6:30am
Howard mentioned that Mike Ditka is going to be stopping by this morning. He said he doesn't know much about football himself but Gary is excited about him coming in. Howard said that he had some notes about Ditka so he'll have that to go by. Gary had some information for him too.
Howard talked about how he had a teacher who would pick on him and another guy for not being on the football team. He said the guy was the coach of the football team so he'd make fun of him. Howard said he was just a scrawny guy and he never did play sports like that.
Howard said that Denise Richards will be coming in today as well. Howard said Denise is back with Richie Sambora from what he read in the tabloids. Robin said their daughter is modeling now too and she's only 13. Howard said that's the best time to start modeling.
Howard played Gary's Letterman interview and Dave started off insulting Howard. He introduced Gary as being Howard's producer and then joked to the audience saying ''And you think you got a lousy job...'' Howard said he took a few hits in this interview. Howard said he thinks Dave thinks he's insane. He and Dave used to talk to each other on the phone but he talked about some of the stuff they discussed on the air. Howard said he could ask the same question about Dave and who the real guy is. Howard said that's what Dave asked about him when he was talking to Gary.
Howard played more of the clip of Gary's interview. Gary came out and Dave talked to him about how he got his job working for Howard. Gary explained how they met at WNBC and how he got the job after Boy Lee. Gary said he thinks Howard likes him even though he's been fired a bunch of times over the years. Dave talked to Gary about how hard it was for them to get guests which led to Gary telling a story about how he'd steal guests from Dave's show since Dave worked at NBC at the time. He told Dave how he got called by one of his producers to go up there for a meeting. Gary thought he was going to get a job offer. Then they locked the door and told him that they had given his photograph to security and if they ever saw him there again they'd kick him out.
Howard said that was a good story to tell and Gary told it well. He played more of the interview where Dave asked him about how the whole ''Baba Booey'' thing came about. Gary told the story but screwed up when he explained the ''Baba Booey'' and Baba Looey thing. Gary said that he didn't think that it was going to last through the show and that was 25 years ago.
Howard said he really screwed that story up but Dave laughed anyway. Gary said he didn't realize that until just now. Howard said it's like the first pitch. He screwed it up. Howard said Gary recovered after that.
In the interview Dave asked Gary about there being multiple Howard's and how he can shred people up on the show and things like that. He said that Howard off the air is very friendly and very easy going. He asked Gary who the real Howard is. Gary said that the off the air Howard is the real guy and he's a good guy. Dave said you'd think that Howard would be the good guy on the radio and the asshole off the air. Gary said if Howard was the good guy on the radio then they'd all be out of a job.
Howard said that his psychiatrist tells him that all of those people are him. He's the same person if he's on or off the air.
Howard played more of the clip and Dave talked to Gary about Howard going through contract negotiations and how he does this every time he's up for a new contract. Gary told Dave how they don't know anything there right now. He said that they're all wondering what they're going to do. Dave thought Howard did the negotiating on the air for himself but Gary said he's got an agent. Gary said Howard did tell him to get ready to pack up and move but he has no idea where he'll be going or what they are to pack up. Dave said he thinks that Howard will stay since no one else has money to pay him.
Howard said Dave must not know what's going on in the industry. Robin said that there is terrestrial radio and he could go there if he wanted. Howard said he won't go back to terrestrial. Robin said she's just saying there is money out there. Howard said Dave should call him privately and he'll talk to him off the air.
Gary and Dave talked about some of the stuff that Howard could do if he leaves satellite. Howard didn't get why Dave was so close minded.
Howard played more of the clip and Dave talked to Gary about his kids and if they get to listen to the show. Gary said he doesn't let them listen but he did hear that they watched ''Private Parts'' at a friend's house. Gary said his one son had something he printed out on the family printer at home. He said his son had the paperwork for the rules for the Worst Penis Injury Contest in his homework. Dave wrapped up with Gary a short time later.
Howard said it was an excellent job. Gary said he did something super gay afterward. He said that he told Dave that it was like a dream come true when he was on the show. He said that he never imagined he'd be on the show. Howard said that sounds like a sequel to his book. He goofed on Gary about that for a few seconds doing his impression of him.
Howard said some people thought it was cruel of him to say that his appearance has diminished the whole Letterman thing for him. He said he's sticking by that though.
Scott The Engineer's Bowling Update. 10/26/10. 6:45am
Howard said Robin was on the Joy Behar show last night. He said that he was concerned. He said he called her 3 times yesterday and he didn't get a call back. Howard said she was talking about how she felt betrayed over the weekend and he wanted to call to find out if she was okay. Robin said that was sweet of him to do that. She said she's not talking about that right now though. She said that she's just letting things settle. Robin said it was just a feeling and it wasn't really true. She said it was hard to explain.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Howard but if he just tuned in to hear the show he'd think that he was an asshole the way he treats his employees. Howard said he wasn't particularly rough on anyone yesterday. The caller thought he was rough on Scott the Engineer about his bowling.
The caller said he got a tour of the studio last year and he went into the Black Cloud Cafe and nothing bad happened to him. He called the show and talked to Steve Brandano and told him nothing happened. About a half hour later his boss fired him.
Howard asked how Scott the Engineer did with his bowling. Doug Goodstein came in and said that there are 252 bowlers and Scott is ranked at 247. He beat 5 guys. He said he's averaging 184.5 and he had one game of 224. Howard said he didn't embarrass himself too much since he beat 5 other guys. Doug said that was yesterday, today he could come in at 252.
Doug said that Scott does a stretching routine that lasts about 2 seconds. He said that it's pretty funny. Howard said that 251 is the leader's average. Scott is at a 184.5. Howard said they must have been shocked at how good he was. Doug said Scott was doing good with 6 strikes in a row but then he got cocky and fell off.
Doug said they're going to do a daily summary for Scott's bowling and they'll be feeding in clips from Vegas every day on the daily show. He said once Scott gets back they'll do a longer form show.
Doug said they do 6 hours of bowling a day. He said Scott has to play 12 games a day. Robin asked if Scott has made any friends. Doug said that he's made a few friends and he's been kissing some ass. Howard thanked Doug for the update.
Howard went through some mail about Scott's bowling and how upset some people were with him about his comments. Howard read those emails and also some emails about him going off on Gary about his Letterman appearance. Some people thought he was being too rough on those guys. Howard said he had a lot more to read but Mike Ditka was there so he had to get to him. They had to take a break first.
The Hottest Chick, Smallest Breasts Contest. 12/12/07. 7:45am
After the break Howard came right back and said that he has 5 women coming in for this Hottest Chick, Smallest Breasts contest. The contest is sponsored by TheBestPorn.com.
Howard mentioned that Howard TV has a couple of Yule Log things up this month. You can tune in and see Benjy doing some stuff and also see Artie eating on a loop. Gary said that he's going to show that one to his kids because they love to watch Artie eat.
Howard asked Gary where his beekeepers mask was for this contest. Gary said he's not going to do that today. He told Jason to come in and hold the microphone if that's the way he wants to do things. He said he can't breathe in these things. Evil Dave told him ''Cover yourself ape!'' Gary didn't want to do it but eventually put on one of the masks. He said he can't hear anything in the mask and said that if anything gets screwed up because of the mask, he's not taking responsibility for it.
Howard introduced the first woman, Amanda, who came in wearing a sweatshirt so they couldn't see just how small she is. Howard asked her how she heard about this contest. She said that a friend told her about it after she complained about how small her breasts are. She said that she's just 21 and she may get implants if she wins this contest. She said they wouldn't be all that big, they'd stay fairly small. She said that she really doesn't try that much harder with sex just because she doesn't have boobs. She does have a boyfriend and a girlfriend though and said that she's bi-sexual.
Howard had Amanda take off her top and then said that she looks great, even with small boobs. The guys said that she was good looking and she pulled off the no boobs thing just fine. She said that she does some modeling and stuff. She also talked about her girlfriend who has big boobs and a huge butt. She said she started messing around with women when she was 14 or 15. She said that the girlfriend is also bi-sexual and she's got a boyfriend as well. Howard asked her how she started getting it on with her. She said she was out at a bar one night and started messing around. Howard said that it's always the alcohol that gets you into trouble.
Howard said that he likes girls like this who are skinny and don't have boobs. He said that he bets that her nipples are really sensitive but Amanda said that wasn't true. Robin said that she'd like to have a chest the size of this girl's. Howard got back to the lesbian story and talked to her more about that. She said that the other chick had never done anything with women before so she brought her home and showed her how to do it. Howard asked if she ate her ass. Amanda said that she didn't but they were really drunk. They played with some toys and the other chick went down on her for like 2 hours.
Amanda said that she prefers women over men. Howard started to say Amanda's last name but she didn't want that out there so Howard had to hit the delay on that.
Howard introduced the next contestant, Peachez. She came in and said her real name is Sarah. Howard said that this girl fits his theory about how chicks with small boobs try harder to be sexual. She started putting out pictures of herself on the internet when she was just 14. She said that she and her friends would do that. Peachez said she was attracted to Amanda too and she wanted to suck on her tittie. Peaches went on to say that she does adult porn stuff now and masturbates on these web sites. She said that blow jobs are her specialty. Artie asked her how much it would cost to get one. She just laughed.
Peachez took her top off and the guys said that she was just a little bigger than Amanda. Howard said that she's wild though. He said that she's had sex in a bowling alley while the rest of her family was bowling. She said that she was out with her mom, dad and her mom's boyfriend. She was really horny and took him into the bathroom at the alley and had sex with him. She said that they went into a locked bathroom and did it, it wasn't like it was in the opening.
Howard asked Amanda if she wanted to kiss Peachez. She said she would and went right at it when Howard said they should do it. Howard also asked about Peachez banging her boyfriend on the flight out there to New York. She said that she blew him in there and it just lasted a couple of minutes. She also talked about how she lives with her dad after her parents got their divorce. Artie kept asking how much money she needed for a blow job. Peachez said that she might need about $5,000.
Howard moved on to the next contestant, Nicki, who works as an exotic dancer and dominatrix. Howard said that she's really hot too. He asked Dave what he thought about that. Dave said she was easy on the eyes. She told Howard that she's not looking for implants, she would never change her body like that. She also said that she's working her way through school by doing the dancing and dominatrix thing.
Nicki told Howard about some of the stuff she does as a dominatrix. She said that she wouldn't shit on a man if he asked because that's going just a little too far for her. Howard asked to see her small boobies after that. She had some Chinese writing on her but she said it wasn't really Chinese, it was just some writing. She had a bunch of tattoos that the guys checked out. Howard told her not to go too crazy with that because she had such a great body.
Howard asked Amanda if she liked this girl too. She said she really did. Peachez said she did too. Howard asked Nicki if she wanted to go over and kiss them. She did so Howard sent her over and had her making out with both of the girls. She was spanking the girls as well. She even kissed their asses after spanking them. Howard thanked her for that and said he might need a spanking himself, but not right now.
Howard said he thinks that his theory about girls with small breasts are more sexual might be right. Nicki said that she's been very sexual since she was very young, before any girl has breasts, so she's not sure about that. She went on to tell the guys about how many people she's been with at one time. She said that she usually only has orgies with friends but she's been with up to 9 people at one time before.
Howard asked Nicki if she'd ever think about being in a relationship with just one person. She said that she is with one guy but they're not monogamous. She said that most people can't deal with that stuff but this guy puts up with it. She said that they both get jealous of each other and what they do but they always break the rules.
Nicki said that she has watched her boyfriend have sex with another woman and he's watched her with another man. She said that they actually okay it with each other when they do this stuff. Howard said that there are a lot of fucked up people in her world. Howard said that this was getting tougher and tougher as it went along. He wasn't able to pick a clear cut winner. Nicki said that she's even smaller than an A-cup, she can't fill up anything.
Howard talked to Nicki a little more about her current career. Artie fell asleep at one point because of his sugar crash after the cupcakes. Howard said that there's something wrong there if he can't stay awake during this.
Howard brought in Ashley next. He said that she's pretty tall but she said she's only 5'6'' tall. She said that she's pretty sexual but she doesn't have any crazy stories like the rest of the girls. She said that her sister told her about the contest and this is the first time to get nude in front of people. She has a boyfriend, lost her virginity at 15 and she likes it doggy style. Howard asked to take a look at her boobs so she took her sweatshirt off. She had a bunch of tattoos as well. Howard said that she's attractive but the tattoo thing wasn't right. He asked her if she wanted to make out with anyone. She said she did like Nicki but she didn't want to make out. She did go over and touch her boobs though.
Howard said that Ashley has a regular job and has a pretty normal life. She said that her father doesn't know what she's up to but her mother does. She said that he'd probably kill her if he knew. Howard said that this is going to be a tough contest to judge. He had her spin around and show off her ass before moving on to the next one.
The final contestant was Rachelle. She came in and Howard said that she's really tall. She's 5'9'' tall and said that she's never really wanted breast implants. Howard said that she's got a great face and she looks really hot. She's a dancer at ''The Living room'' and they've told her to never get a boob job even though she's small.
Howard asked Rachelle if she's bi-sexual as well like the other girls. She said that she is but she's in just one relationship at a time. She talked about this girl she's with now and how she hooked up with her. Howard then asked her to take her top off. She was really flat according to Howard. He said that still didn't turn him off though. Artie said that he wasn't turned off either. Robin said that she had huge nipples though. Howard said that when you're built like that it doesn't matter.
Howard said that Rachelle must get a lot of looks when she's out with this other chick. She talked about how sensual they are when they're together and how the other girl will touch her during a song playing on the radio and things like that. She said that she gets really wet too. She told Howard how they mess around in the car and pull off each other's panties. She said that the other girl will finger her before she goes down on her. Howard wondered how long that goes on. Rachelle wasn't sure how long it goes. She said it's really good though.
Gary asked if she ever gets a guy in the loop. She said that they have done that but the other girl's boyfriend doesn't do her and she doesn't do her boyfriend. Rachelle said that she had a sex swing in her apartment and had a guy eating out her girlfriend while she and her boyfriend watched.
Rachelle said that she's had sex in a Macy's dressing room. She said that her boyfriend came in and did her in there but they got caught. She said they got kicked out of the store after that. She did it in another store and didn't get caught though.
Howard wondered what the hell they're going to do about voting. He said that it's the hottest chick with the smallest breasts. He went through each of the girls and reminded everyone who was who. One of the girls said that she likes Robin and she'd like to be with her. Robin wasn't interested though.
Howard said he didn't know what to do. Gary said he had a vote but Mike Gange interrupted and said that they have a 'cocksicle'' that Peachez could suck on and maybe that would help the judging. She started to suck on that and told the guys what she'd do to it if it were real. Evil Dave said that was nothing and he wanted to demonstrate what he could do.
Howard said that he really liked all of the girls but he was going to pick one who he thought was the hottest with the smallest breasts. Gary said that he looked down the line and saw Rachelle had the smallest breasts. He said that he'd have to go between her or Nicki for the hottest and he had to go with Rachelle because her boobs were so small. Howard said that he was going toward Amanda or Nicki but he wasn't even sure about those two.
Robin said that Peachez has the biggest boobs out of the group so she's out. She went through the rest of the girls and said that Rachelle really has no breasts. She said that she looks like a dude in the chest area. She had to give her vote to her.
Howard said he's still not sure about his vote. He went to Evil Dave who picked Mike Gange. Then he threw Nicki a vote. Howard went to Artie next and said that he was asleep through most of it but asked him for his pick. Artie said they had quite a line up there. He said that Amanda was the one who was getting his vote. He said she was very sexy with the southern accent and all.
Howard said that this was close so far. He went to Fred next. Fred said that without the tattoos he would have went with Nicki. He said that Peachez boobs were too big. He said that he had to go with Amanda. Howard and Benjy had to get to their votes. Benjy said he had to knock everyone out but Nicki and Amanda. He asked them to show their asses and then picked Amanda. Howard said that he had to go with either Nicki, Ashley or Rachelle. He said that Amanda was giving him eyes and he could go with her too. He said he had to pick Rachelle because of her tiny chest.
Rachelle and Amanda were the two who were tied so they went around the room. Robin, Gary and Howard went with Rachelle. Artie, Fred, Benjy and Evil Dave picked Amanda so she was the winner. Howard had Vanessa from TheBestPorn.com. come in and present Amanda with her prize. The other girls all won diamond earrings courtesy of CustomJewellry.com.
Sal came in and offered $20 to the first girl to take off her bottoms. Rachelle did it. Howard said he had to get to Lee Majors so he had to cut them off with that stuff.
Richard Simmons Visits, Leaves Crying. 04/10/07. 6:10am
Howard said that Richard Simmons is supposed to stop by in a couple of minutes so he was going to get everyone in the mood by playing some prank calls they made using Richard audio clips. He played one call where they had Richard's audio clips talking to a guy as if he knew him. The caller had no idea what was going on. They had Richard saying that he was the guy's daughter and things like that until he hung up. In another prank call they had Richard calling a Chinese restaurant and asking for turkey and other types of food that they don't serve there. They hung up on him over and over again telling him they don't serve that type of food there. Howard said Richard called C-Span one time so he played that call. They had Richard saying that his name was Marilyn and telling the host he liked his sausage and saying that his nuts get tingly sometimes.
Howard said Richard was there so he had him come in. Richard came in screaming as he's done in the past. Robin said it looked like he was wearing lipstick this morning. He went around to each person saying hello to everyone. He stopped at Fred, Artie, Benjy and all of those guys. Richard was talking off the microphone so the guys asked him to go sit down. Richard had to say hello to everyone before sitting down. Howard told him to sit down but he was trying to go say hello to Robin.
Howard asked Richard if he wears a jock strap under his shorts. He said he does but didn't get into it much more than that. Howard noticed that he had a big welt on his ass. Richard said he slipped and fell in the bathroom at an airport and actually passed out. He slipped on the wet floor and almost broke his hip in the process. He also dislocated his shoulder. That just happened two Friday's ago. Howard asked Richard who he calls when something like that happens to him. Richard said he has housekeepers that take care of him but he doesn't really have any family to call.
Howard said he feels bad for Richard that he doesn't have anyone to call. He has no wife, he's yet to marry... Howard asked him if he's dating anyone at this point. Richard said he really just hurts today and asked him to take it easy on him. Richard said he is in a lot of pain and it's very hard for him to sit. Howard told Richard that happened to him one time and he was with a guy who was into S&M and was whacking him at the time. Howard asked Richard to come over to him and he'd rub his ass for him. Richard said he just wanted a little sympathy.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Richard about Artie's eating. Richard said he was there to talk about Congress but Howard wanted to talk about Artie first. Richard heard that they're doing a weight loss challenge so Artie filled him in on that. Artie said that he gained 10 pounds instead of losing weight in the challenge. Artie said he's really got to figure out what to do about it. Artie lit up a cigarette, which he doesn't usually do, so Richard asked him to put it out because he's got asthma. Artie didn't know that but he continued to smoke.
Howard asked Richard how old he is. Richard said that it's kind of a personal question and he had trouble concentrating with the music Fred was playing for him. Howard said he knows that Richard is 59 years old. Richard thinks he looks fantastic for his age. He said he's really not looking for a woman at this point, he's just there to help people with their weight until the day he dies. Howard wanted to know what kind of woman he was looking for but Richard called for Gary asking him for some help in there.
Howard told Richard to sit down but he said he couldn't. He told him he loves him and Richard said he loves Howard as well. Howard wanted to know why Richard ate so much when he was young. Richard said he grew up in New Orleans where the food was so good. He loved food and there was great stuff down there. He said his father loved him very much and it wasn't because of a lack of love or anything. Howard asked him if he had any secrets to hide or anything like that. Richard laughed when Howard asked him if people found him annoying.
Howard asked Richard more about his childhood. He wanted to know if he had friends. Richard said he didn't have any friends and he just stayed home alone. Howard kept going and said he had a woman on the phone who wanted to say hello to him. The woman, Jenny, asked Richard if he would be interested in going out on a date with her. She was 22 years old and said that she eats right and stays fit just like Richard. Richard called for Gary to come in and help him again. Fred played some porn clips of a woman getting screwed so Richard got all uptight and wanted to get out of there.
Howard let the woman go and let Richard talk about whatever it was he was there to talk about. He interrupted and asked him when the last time he came was. Gary asked Howard to at least plug what he was there to plug. Richard said that he's doing something to help children. He said that kids who are over 100 pounds has grown over the past few years. He asked people to fill out a questionnaire on his web site, RichardSimmons.com, last time he was on and 12,000 people filled out the form. He said he got 70,000 questionnaires finished and he ended up meeting with some congressmen about this and now they have dropped their first bill, HR 1224, to get Physical Education reinstated in schools.
Howard said that Artie was sleeping while this was going on. Richard yelled at him to wake up so Artie came out of his fake sleep and talked a little bit about gym class. Howard said he hated gym class because it was like torture when he was in school. If it was fun to exercise, it might be worth following up on this. Richard said that he really wants to get this going because the kids really need to exercise.
Richard said that he's back now to ask the listeners to go on his web site, find their congressman and email them to ask for this to happen. Howard said that he doesn't have to beg, his listeners will do it because they're not assholes. He said he will go and recommend to his listeners to go and do that.
Richard said that the P.E. He's trying to get going is not like the old gym classes that they used to have. He said he had to skip out on those classes when he was in school because he suffered from asthma and was overweight.
Howard asked Richard more about this fall he took. Richard talked about how he only has his housekeepers and dogs to take care of him. He said he does go on these trips to help people lose weight though. He has a lot of people who he spends time with when he goes on these cruises and goes to visit people.
Howard was trying to figure out how much Richard was worth and guessed it was about $200 million. Richard wasn't talking of course. Gary said he heard that Richard will buy two seats on an airplane when he travels because he has so much work to do when he's flying. Richard said that is true but he will talk to people on the flight. He just had a guy come to him and ask him to talk to his 17 year old daughter who was 290 pounds and only 5'1'' tall.
Howard asked Richard if he heard about this Imus thing. Richard said he never listened to him and doesn't know much about him. Howard told him about what Imus did to this black woman at WNBC when they worked with him. He went right up to her and called her the N-word. He said he thinks that Imus has that in his heart and that's why he said what he did on the radio last week. He thinks his career is done at this point and there's no way he's going to get out of it now.
Artie was saying that he was in a bad way this morning. He was talking about Imus' comments and the fact that Richard's ass was in pain. Richard asked to see Artie's eyes because they were behind his sunglasses. Artie did take them off for him but then he said that Richard was going to call him and he never got that call. Howard told Richard that Artie is hopeless. Richard asked him not to say that to him but Howard kept saying it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked what his favorite moment on the show with Richard was. He liked the time they dangled food in front of the fat guy. Richard got a laugh out of that and said that his favorite moment was when he put some fake tattoos on and a fake moustache and wig on and fooled Howard into thinking he was someone else. Howard said that was the day Richard dressed up like a man. Howard said he's really not the most macho guy so he wasn't kidding about that. Howard said Richard is kind of womanly when he dresses the way he does so Richard walked out. Howard told him to come back but Richard went right out. He took offense to that womanly comment and walked out crying.
Robin told Howard he did do something wrong by calling him a woman. Howard said it's true though, he has some female tendencies. Howard was going to run out and get him. Gary came in and told him where to go but no one was going out to get him. They ran out and found Richard but Richard was crying out by the elevators. Howard tried talking him into coming back but he was balling according to Robin. Artie said that there was someone in the elevator watching Howard Stern consoling Richard in the elevator.
Artie told Howard to ''tell Richard to come out of the close... I mean elevator.'' Tim Sabean went out and got in the elevator with Richard to ride down with him. Robin and Artie talked about how hurt the guy looked. Howard said that Richard was really crying out there. Robin said they heard and saw it all going down on the Howard TV cameras.
Howard asked if he really said something all that bad. Robin said that he really did say that he was like a woman. Howard said he feels awful about it. They went over what had happened and how Howard had kind of called him a woman. Howard said he knows tons of guys who are like that. He figured that Richard would admit that he's not the most macho guy though. Robin said that Richard hasn't changed since he was a kid and he may have been teased as a kid and that may have been why he fell apart the way he did. Howard said he was just having a good time with him.
Howard said Richard is a good guy and he really feels awful about it. Robin said she thought the days of Richard leaving crying were over but she was apparently wrong. Howard said he might have to go on Al Sharpton's show and apologize to him for what had just happened. Robin told Howard he might have to go on Out Q to apologize but then took that back. She said that was wrong too.
Tim Sabean came in and said that Richard was really upset and couldn't be consoled. He left very upset and wouldn't stick around. Howard said he really couldn't go on with the show because he felt so bad. He was excited to see Richard back on the show today and he screwed it all up. Howard hopes he wasn't pulling his leg with that. Gary said he did have to leave at 6:45. Fred said that Richard is a good actress. Howard said he really doesn't want to make anyone cry like that.
Artie said that he's rooting for the Steelers. Howard said he'll root for them too but may not watch. Then he said that he might have to watch for the commercials and stuff. Howard said he'll probably end up watching.
Gary came in and said that he knows Howard wants to play chess but he could do that all day and then watch the game. Howard said he'll see what happens. Gary said that Beth is going to be into the game because it's Pittsburgh. Gary said that he's having a small party over at his place but he's told his friends that they have to leave after Bruce Springsteen performs.
Gary said that he has 8 chairs in his home theater. He also has some stools there. Howard asked Gary why he has stools there. Gary said that he built the theater that he wanted, not the one that Howard wanted. Howard told him not to get defensive. Howard said that it's not a theater. Gary argued with Howard for a minute about it. Howard kept saying that it was a stupid set up. He said that no one would put a slab of granite in a theater. Robin said that she's been to places that sound like what Gary was describing and it wasn't that bad.
Gary was saying that he and his wife were talking about what kind of chairs to get and they figured that they could have their guests sit in the shitty chairs. Gary said that they didn't just put in stools. They have 8 chairs in there too. Artie said that he wouldn't want to be stuck in a stool. Howard said he guarantees that Gary will take out the stools and put in a couch.
Howard said that they're lucky enough to go to these private studio theaters and they let you sit in really comfortable couches. Gary said that he has those type of chairs there in his house. He said that it's rare when someone gets stuck in a stool. They're all going to be moving around too. Robin said that Gary should be watching this game in the Man Cave and not in the theater. Gary said that he's got a 130 inch screen in the theater so of course he's going to watch it in there.
Howard told Gary that he should be sitting in the stools if he's having the party at his house. Gary said he will be moving around through the whole game. Howard told Gary that he should have fit in another 4 seats instead of using stools. Gary said he's not sure that they could have fit in that many more.
The caller asked the guys if they had ever been to a live Super Bowl game. Howard said that Artie had. Artie said that he was young at the time and he had bet on the game so it was kind of cool but it was really a nightmare. Artie said that the timing was good and he had just done a movie out in L.A. and they gave him tickets to the game. He said he spent about a week down there in Miami back in 1999. Artie said that it was still a pain in the ass and he would have rather have been at home watching. He had gotten everything for free so he should have liked it more.
Howard said he and Beth had gotten her father and brother tickets to the game. Howard said Bubba called and wanted to put Beth's father and brother up for the game down there. Howard told Bubba that he didn't have to do that but Bubba insisted that he wanted to do it. Beth and Bubba ended up writing back and forth and Bubba refuses to let them pay for the rooms so now Bubba is paying for that stuff. Howard said that Bubba got a bunch of rooms for people down there and he's giving up a room for Beth's family.
Gary wondered if Bubba is scalping the hotel rooms. Howard said that's not what he's up to, he's doing it for friends and family so they have a place to stay down there.
Howard said he thinks that Bubba and his father-in-law are going to hit it off down there. He said that they're almost like the same guy.
Gary said that the airlines are getting really bad these days. They're charging for everything. Gary said that he flies Jet Blue and he likes to sit in the first 8 rows so he can get off the plane fast. They charge you $20 extra to sit there. They charge for more leg room and every other little thing. Howard said he used to ask for the bulkhead. Gary said that will cost you extra. Gary said they charge you more to carry your bags on too. Howard said that everything is going to hell in a hand basket.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to commend him for the interview with the Pittsburgh player yesterday. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said that he won't be having a lot of sports talk interviews on this show. He said that was an exception yesterday with Darnell Stapleton. The caller said that he's looking forward to another 5 year contract after this one. Howard said that you never know what's going to happen.
Another caller asked if Howard missed some therapy sessions. He said that he's all over Gary about that set up. Howard said that he's not angry, Gary just does things wrong. Robin said that she was on Gary's side until Gary said that he wanted to make sure that he sits in the comfortable seats when he has people over.
Howard said that Gary ends up getting pissed at him when he starts tweaking him. He said that Gary revealed that he wants his guests to sit in the shitty seats there instead of having all great seats in the theater. Gary said that most of the time the set up is fine and everyone has a seat that's good. Howard said that he could have had 100 percent of the seats comfortable.
Howard said that he likes how Gary's wife makes him sit in the shitty seats. Howard said that Gary is the one who paid for that shit and he's being forced to sit in the uncomfortable seats.
Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of ''Surfin' Bird (Bird is the Word).'' Howard said that this is the craziest theater he's ever heard of. He said that Gary could have put in comfortable chairs in the theater but he put in 3 stools instead.
Howard wondered what Gary is eating in his theater. Gary said that they have a counter that people can put food on while they watch TV. He said it's funny to hear him making fun of all of this.
Howard and Robin continued to goof on Gary about the theater. Howard said that if Artie showed up they'd have to give him one of the comfortable seats and shove someone else into the uncomfortable seats. Howard said that Gary knows he's right and he will never admit it. Gary said that he doesn't know the pain he's feeling, it's really ripping him apart.
Howard said that Gary should just rip out the stools and put in some more comfortable chairs. Gary said that they talk about where the wheel will land when they don't have any guests on the show. Gary said that he was wondering where it was going to land today since they didn't have any guests scheduled to come in.
Howard asked Artie if he agrees with him on any level. Artie said that at first he thought he was being harsh on him but then when he said that it was 3 stools, he thought that it was awful. Artie said that he would be disappointed and he'd have to agree with Howard on this one.
Robin said that Gary convinced her that Howard was right when he talked about having to sit on the stools when his neighbors came over. Fred agreed with her on that. No one else came in to defend Gary.
Howard said that he can't imagine anyone else coming in to defend Gary. Benjy said that he did want to say that maybe he could have the bar and some comfortable chairs. Gary said that he didn't have room to have the bar and more comfortable chairs. Benjy agreed with Gary on having the bar in the room. Howard said that Benjy is such an asshole, he just wants to be different and he knows that he's right. Howard said that Benjy wasn't even agreeing with himself, he's such an asshole.
Beetlejuice The Dwarf Visits. 02/16/05. 8:55am
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver overheard Ann saying that ''Howard Stern is a horrible son of a bitch'' as she was leaving. Howard thought he was being pretty nice to her though. Artie's name was mentioned in that ''son of a bitch'' discussion as well.
Howard said that Beetlejuice was there and he wasn't sure why. They played a Beetlejuice theme song that Beetle sang about himself as he was coming in. Beetle was dressed as a professional boxer for some reason. Beetlejuice said he recorded that song a long time ago. Howard asked Beetle what his favorite word is... He said it's ''good'' and his least favorite word is ''answer.'' Sal the Stockbroker has been working with Beetlejuice lately and he has a lot of stories to tell about him. Sal came in and told Howard about how he's now a babysitter for black retards. He said they were staying at a hotel and they saw a German family in the hotel pool and the family ran when Beetlejuice started walking over toward them. Sal also said that Beetle was staying with this comedian Brad Thacker and couldn't figure out why he couldn't shave. The plastic cover was still on the razor he was trying to shave with. Sal also told a story about Beetlejuice selling his calendars and how he was taking a $5 bill for a $10 calendar and he was giving the customer $20 in change.
Howard checked out some of Beetlejuice's tattoos and asked him about those things. He's got one on his back that says ''pussy'' so Howard had to check that one out. It actually said ''MOM'' but Beetle thought it said ''pussy'' for some reason. Howard said that Beetlejuice looked like Usher when he took his shirt off.
Sal told Howard that Beetlejuice has bowel problems and when he was driving Beetlejuice to the comedy gig, they were hit by a smell. Sal said that Levy (Rev. Bob Levy) was in the car with them and he witnessed the whole thing. Sal said that Beet was blaming the smell on High Pitch Eric but Eric wasn't even in the car with them at the time. Beetle was all over the place talking about stuff and the delay was hit a couple of times so some of the conversation was missing. Howard said the reason Beetlejuice was in was to promote an upcoming boxing gig he has against another dwarf. He's going to be at the Spectators Night Club tomorrow night. Then on Friday he'll be boxing at Gators in New Castle Delaware. Howard couldn't figure out the plug so Will had to come in and explain it. Beetle won't be boxing tomorrow night, he'll be boxing on Friday night. Gary came in and said that the last time Beetle had a fight, he quit in the middle of it. Beetlejuice said he never quit and wanted to know who told him that. Gary said that everyone who was there told him that. Beetlejuice was getting kind of pissed because he thinks he never quit. Richie from E! came in and said he saw the fight and Beet got hit so hard that he was stumbling around and did quit. Richie and Beet ended up yelling at each other for a few seconds about the fight.
Sal the Stockbroker offered to do some shadow boxing with Beetlejuice so he got down on his knees and let him throw a few punches. Robin said he could throw some punches. Sal said that the punches weren't so bad, it was the smell that was getting to him. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beet got his stole his girlfriend and got her pregnant. Beetle didn't know what the guy was talking about though. It turned out to be The White Rapper just goofing on him. High Pitch Eric called in and told Howard to ask Beet what he's wearing under his pants. Doug Goodstein told Howard that Beetle wears a diaper now. Beetlejuice wondered what's wrong with that. He wears it just in case he has a problem. Eric asked him if he wanted to change his diaper on stage at the show he's doing this weekend. Beetle was calling Eric ''fat boy'' and goofing on him. The guys were wondering if he could change his own diaper so Doug told him they had a diaper right there for him to change into. Beetlejuice didn't want to do it. He said he didn't need to do it right then. Howard asked him what he uses the diaper for, number 1 or number 2. Beetlejuice said he doesn't do number 2 and Sal added that it was for number 3, 4 and 5.
Someone called in as the Retarded Flu. Beetlejuice said he didn't want to talk to the Flu and told the guy to get off the phone. Howard had Beetlejuice try to kill the retarded flu so he was making weird noises and trying to get rid of him. They eventually got the flu off the phone. Howard told Beetlejuice how proud he is of him and gave him a plug for his web site JollyDwarf.com and the gigs he has coming up tomorrow and Friday. A guy claiming to be the other dwarf that Beetlejuice is going to be fighting. He was just goofing on him though. The guy said that he knocked up Beetle's retarded sister and tried to get him revved up even more than he already was. Irish John called in as Muhammad Ali and also tried to get Beetlejuice going. Howard wrapped up the interview and asked Beetlejuice what his favorite word was again. Beet said it was ''Good'' so Howard asked him his least favorite. This time Beet said that it's ''... Bad but it's good.'' They had to take a commercial break after that.
Comedian Scott Thompson Sits In For The News. 7/22/03. 9:15am
After the break Howard gave another plug to the ''Naked Daredevil'' contest they're holding next week. He told people they don't want things that are going to risk lives. They also said that they'd like to have women enter. A minute later a guy called in and said he does a lot of stunts and this contest is for him. He told Howard he puts fireworks in the cracks and crevices of his body and lights them off. Howard said he'd like to see that but he's not sure he can do it in the studio. He put him on hold so they could set him up for the show.
Comedian Scott Thompson came in to hang out during the news today. Howard said he looked a little more relaxed this time. He was wearing shorts so he looked more relaxed. Scott picked up on Howard's muscle t-shirt so Howard joked that he wore it just for him.
Howard asked Scott, who is gay, which guy on the show is the most attractive to him. He said it's Gary. Howard and the guys said Gary gets that all the time for some reason. Scott said he likes Gary's face. Gary said he has a swarthy look that gay guys seem to like. Scott said it's his full lips as well. Gary said this gay comedian Gay Jaffe once told him that he pleasured himself to his image one time. The guys were talking about Gary's big teeth at one point and Howard said he heard that he chipped one of his teeth recently. Gary said he did that while he was over in Amsterdam. He said he was really drunk and hit his tooth with a glass of water and chipped it. Scott said he likes bad teeth like that and he should have left it alone.
Howard also heard that Gary has gotten his son involved in Water Polo. He asked him about that and said it's kind of a gay sport. Scott said Water Polo is really not a gay sport. Gary said it's actually a pretty cool sport.
Scott had said something about Gary having a ''rumpled'' face so Gary asked him about that. Scott said it was as if someone created his face and then decided it wasn't right so they rumpled it up and went over it with a roller or something. Howard said he figured Scott would have gone for someone like Fred instead of Gary when he was asked about who was attractive to him. Scott said he also likes Vin Diesel and George W. Bush for some reason. He spent a couple of minutes talking about some of the other guys he finds attractive before Howard had Robin start her news.
Today's show was over around 10:30am.
Jon talked to the guys about their sixth season and how that's going. Jason said that Will told them that he's watching it now that he caught it on Netflix. Jason said that it's not really about football but people think it is. Paul said there is fantasy football and things like that in it but it's not just about that.
Paul said the show is one of the dirtiest shows on the air. He said they push the boundaries every year. He said there's something that happens in the first episode that really pushes it.
Jon said that Howard could care less about football but he likes the ball busting. Jason said that Howard's reluctance to get into fantasy makes sense. He said once he saw the infighting starting then he got into it. Jason said that's what Howard wants to happen but it's happening in the fantasy football thing.
Paul said he'd like to have Howard in his fantasy league about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. He said his wife set that up. Jon said Matthew Berry tried that and Howard said no. Paul said Matthew must do it the wrong way.
Jon said they heard the segment about Gary's home theater and his stools. He asked why that resonates so strongly. Jason said this is one of those classic things where Gary can't not take the bait. He said he doesn't know if Howard really cared but once Howard gave him shit about it Gary had to defend. He said once he does that then Howard just goes in there hard. Paul said he agrees with Howard about the stools.
Jon said before the show started that day they were talking about that and Gary mentioned that some people sat in chairs and some in stools. He said Howard's eyes lit up and he asked him why he would put stools in there. He said the bait was there.
Steve said he can see where Gary is coming from. He said some people are in and out of the game and they don't need a big, comfy seat. He said that's for the people who want to sit and watch the whole game. Paul said that you should be comfortable. He said you don't want to sit in a kitchen chair that they dragged into the TV room.
Jon said Gary's defense is that Howard was upset because it wasn't done the way he would do it. Jon asked if they see Gary's point of view. Steve said Howard is known for having a different opinion and he's set in his ways.
Jon said Gary has been there for 30 years now and how do you look at Howard and Gary's relationship. Is it a father son kind or thing or what. Paul said it's like a mentor and apprentice thing and the apprentice is always letting the mentor down. He said it's not that Gary is going to take over but it's so funny. He said it's 30 years and Howard still doesn't get Gary.
Jason said that when you hear the shows from 30 years ago you hear the difference. He said there's a peer thing now and there's still that Boy Gary thing that comes into it. He said that Howard can still pick at Gary in the way he did when he was a kid. Paul said he does that with JD too but he takes him more under his wing. He said he's more nurturing now than he was back then.
Jon said that JD is the media producer and Gary is the executive producer of the show and he always has been. Steve said Howard will ask Gary why he didn't fire someone and Gary has that thought like he's letting him down.
Jason said that if he goes to his parent's house he feels 15 years old again. He said that might be what it's like with Gary and Howard. He said it's so baked in and it's some of the funniest stuff.
Jon asked how happy they are that Gary hasn't learned. They said it's great. Paul said the Vinyl discussion kept him going forever. He said Gary always takes the bait and that's the thing. He said he hasn't even learned on that level. He said he's a great producer but he always takes the bait.
Jason said last week they played the ''Can I depend on you?'' episode and you can feel Gary getting so upset that he's being called undependable. He said it's fascinating. Steve said Gary is the most dependable and Howard calls him out on the one thing that he prides himself on. He said that was mind blowing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Gary was nervous and it's amazing he pulled it off at all. Jason said he remembers that period. He said it was right after the pitch and the Jimmy Kimmel pitch. He said Gary had a lot going on. He said Gary was in the public eye and it was a very interesting period of time.
Jon said that the pitch is the Achilles heel for Gary. Paul said it's the most embarrassing thing. He said if he did it and he was a normal person it wouldn't have meant anything. He said it's the worst thing he could have done. Jason said that it's a reference point for sports shows and failure. Paul said it's only because it's him. He said 50 Cent threw a pitch and it was awful. He said he threw out a pitch himself and even his wife said ''Don't Baba Booey it.'' He said it's like you want to see him mess up. He said that he's universally viewed as a screw up.
Jason asked if Gary would erase that pitch or the love tape if he could. Jon said the love tape. Steve said that Gary talked about that pitch for weeks before. He said then it happened and it was awful.
Jon said that as soon as 50 Cent threw his pitch Gary's came out again. He said he may never live that down. Paul said it's cemented and it's locked in. Jason said even if Gary did a good job then Howard would have said it was the fluke.
Steve said when Robin threw a strike on Kimmel he could see Gary with his head in his hand. Jon said Gary can throw a lot better than he did with that pitch. Paul said Marlon Wayans threw out a pitch and it hit the dirt. No one cared though. He said it wasn't on TV or anything. He said it was all about Gary and his build up.
Steve said he remembers Howard not talking about it for like 10 minutes at the start of the show. Then he started talking about his dad seeing it and doing the impression of him saying it was the worst thing he's ever seen.
Jon said he was there and he knew it was off but not how off it was. He said Gary came off the field and he didn't think much of it. He said once he was interviewed about it Gary knew where it was going. Jon said Artie was there on the field too. Jason said Artie's reaction was perfect. He said he misses hearing Artie when he hears the reaction he had to that. Paul said there's nothing better than that Artie laughing hysterically. He said they heard that last week with Big Foot. He said you know that Artie is rooting for Gary and he just blew it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Richard Simmons and that led to the guys talking about the ''Gary!'' clips that came out of that interview. Paul said they should have a drop app for the show. He said that they have one for The League. Jon said Ronnie could have his own. Jason said if he could have an app of just Ronnie saying things he'd love it. Paul said he'd love a drop of Ronnie when he was under hypnosis talking about his sex fantasy.
Jon asked the guys what their take is on Fred Norris. The guys all said he's great. Paul said he is the show. He said he can bring things in and amplify the show. Jason said knowing a little bit about how the show works makes it even better. He said Fred is contributing jokes while he's doing the sound drops and all of that.
Jon asked about Benjy. Jon said some people love him and some don't. Paul said he turned on Benjy. He said he's kind of on his side. He said he has a voice that's not like any other human being. He said that his logic is skewed. Steve said he's constantly strange and you don't know what to make of it.
Jason said he tuned in and heard Benjy is Late one morning and he thought it was live. He said he didn't know it was from years ago. Jon said that Benjy claims that he's not the only one who comes in late. He's the only one in the studio who does though.
Jason said that Benjy is valuable as a joke writer. He said what he writes is coming out of Howard's mouth. He said that's what we don't know. Jason said he finds the Benjy vortex to be boring. He said that he feels like he's misdirecting and it gets frustrating. He said he wants answers and not misdirect. Steve said that the whole sex with Elisa thing is very frustrating. Paul said it's like having a wack packer on the show for interactions. He said they're so bizarre. Jason said it's a flavor that the show wouldn't have without him.
Jon said that Jason plays Rafi on The League. He asked who on the Stern Show would be like his character. Jason said he thinks Rafi is probably closer to Sal's id. He said that's how Sal would like himself to be. Or maybe it would be Ronnie unchecked. Jason said that's all Rafi is. He said he just does anything he wants to do. Jason said Sal's fantasy life is doing that. Jason said that Sal lives in a world where it's all fantasy. He said Ronnie is living the life. He said that he has those sex tips and they might as well be Rafi bits.
Jon said his favorite moments are when Ronnie or Sal come in and say they've done something and they think everyone has done it.
Jason said that Jon can get Ronnie going on things. He said he gets defensive but he admits anything. He said with Sal he'll start explaining something and then he second guesses himself. He said Sal gets himself in so much deeper and that's so amazing.
Jon said that Sal's weakness is that he can't just say ''I don't know.'' He said he has to answer and then he'll doubt himself. The guys spent a minute on that and then Jon wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard Is Grumpy, Tired And Miserable. 09/25/08. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the National Anthem, The Fab Faux performing ''Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band/A Day In The Life'' live in Howard's studio.
Howard started off the show talking about how he's been grumpy lately. He thinks that it's because he gets so run down from working out. He said he can barely walk after doing the work outs. He's all sore and stuff too. Robin said she doesn't eat anything but she doesn't creak around like him. She said she does weight work outs and pilattis and also runs. Howard said she doesn't run constantly, she takes a lot of breaks.
Howard said that Robin said she was going to run with Beth O in the marathon. Robin said she thought about it but she isn't going to do it.
Howard said Beth told him that the training for the marathon is relentless and she can't take it anymore. He said that she promised to do it for the animals (GoBethO.org) so she doesn't have any options. She's not going to bail out, she's just complaining about it.
Artie said that he has mastered the art of giving up on stuff like that. Howard joked that he lost 5 grand on Artie going over to Afghanistan. He said that he thought he'd never go and bet someone off the air that he would never make it. Artie sounded shocked by that. Howard said he was just kidding.
Artie said that when he was over in Afghanistan he thought about how great the fresh heroin would be to try over there. He said that it would be great to have some that wasn't stuck up some chick's ass for three weeks.
Howard said he ran about 4 miles yesterday and then went in and did some bench presses. He said he's getting weaker and weaker instead of stronger. He said he was lifting about 135 pounds and it felt like 500 pounds. He only got off 4 reps on each set.
Howard said he does push-ups and some other things but he just gets worn out from the work outs. He said he should have a gorgeous body but it's really not. He said he'd like to show it all to Robin but his penis is too small to do that.
Howard said he still has a little bit of a stomach and his ass isn't good. He said he's 194 pounds and 6'5'' tall and he should be gorgeous. Artie said that he was heavy at one point in his life though so that's something to consider.
Howard said he thinks he's all worn out but Robin told him that he's probably scared about the wedding. She told him it's probably the stress from that which is leading to his grumpiness.
Howard said he has been going to therapy and he's not understanding how someone can love and hate someone at the same time. He said he doesn't get that and he doesn't even understand being angry. He said he's a void of humanity and he doesn't even know himself. He said he's fucked up beyond what he imagined. He told Robin that she's going to be more normal than him soon.
Howard said he's getting weaker and not understanding himself. He said he just wants to not fuck up this second marriage and he's trying to make sure he doesn't screw over Beth. He warned her that this isn't going to be easy for her.
Artie said he was thinking about what to say in his toast at the wedding. He said that Howard and Beth have a lot of fun together and they've been doing that for a long time now. Howard asked him what he's going to do if that all goes away. Artie said they're in love and he can't imagine it going away.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he would prefer to have Beth really thin and less sex or a little less thin and more sex. Howard said that Beth always looks good. He ended up talking about his own ass again and brought up how bad it looks. Artie asked Howard how he looks at himself so much. Artie said he hasn't seen his own ass in years.
Howard said he shaved himself down yesterday to get rid of some grey hairs he found on his chest. He said that he shaved down his bush and his chest hair. He said he saw his whole undercarriage when he was shaving down his balls. Howard told Robin how he had his leg up on the thing and he was shaving his balls with the electric shaver. He shaved down his bush and shaved off the grey hair. He said grey hair really makes him sick. He said he's lucky he doesn't have many on his head.
Artie said that Howard admits he would get fat if he didn't work out. Artie said that he could be thin too if he worked out. He asked Howard what he wants to look like. Howard said he wouldn't mind having a body like Matthew McConaughey.
Howard's Favorite Sex Position. 09/25/08. 6:15am
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he can still deliver an orgasm to Beth. Howard said that he's doing that about 92 percent of the time he's with her. He said that he finished a little early the other night and didn't give her one. He said he has this one position he really likes and he finishes really fast when they do it that way.
Artie said that he likes to do it in the missionary position and likes to have a chick's ankles at her ears. Howard said that he puts Beth on her side and he's on his knees banging her hard. Howard said he wishes he could do it to Robin to just demonstrate it. Howard said that Beth is looking away on her side and he's up on his knees. Fred didn't quite get it so Howard told him he was going to put him on the floor and demonstrate it in his ass.
Howard said he wishes he could do that to Robin. He asked her if she has ever done that. Robin said that she has done it on her side but she's never had a guy on his knees.
Howard said that Robin is really losing weight and looking good. He said that she wasn't that thin on the TV shows she was going on. Howard asked her if she has lost 15 pounds in the past month. Robin said it's about 10 and it's from working out.
Artie said that Robin's swim wear is really nice. Howard said that he was checking out her ass when she came in this morning and she looked really good in her jeans. He said she looked good in her dress the other day too. Gary said that dress looked like something she would wear at night and Benjy thought she may have been out all night.
Midget Real Doll Calls In. 09/25/08. 6:20am
Howard said he got a note from Jimmy Kimmel who wanted them to make an Eric the Midget doll for the Real Doll thing. Howard had Eric on the phone and told him about that. Robin wondered if Jimmy would fuck the doll. Howard didn't think he would since he gets the impression he has a small penis.
Howard asked Eric if he would mind if they made a doll of him. Eric said that's not going to happen. Howard said he doesn't really have a choice in that. Howard said he thinks it's a good idea. Fred said they could change out all of the hats that Eric wears for everyone who fucks it. Howard said that they could get a wheelchair for the doll and stuff like that.
Eric said that if they do it he's going to face some legal problems. Howard said he would go to court over that. Howard said that he'll go to court. He said that he'd love to go to court and tell a judge what was going on.
Howard said that they're not really fucking Eric, it would just be a doll. Eric said he's not going to allow them to do it. Gary asked Howard to please make it since Eric is so against it. Gary said there are three of them who want to fuck it now. He said that he, Sal and Richard all want to pull a train on the doll.
Howard said that he's going to fly the doll around with balloons so it'll be like Eric is flying with balloons.
Richard came in and said that he can't wait to take the claw hand and wrap it around his cock. He said that will be great foreplay. Howard said he'd love to have Eric sitting there everyday. Robin added ''...not talking.''
Howard read the note he got from Jimmy Kimmel who was asking him to please have them make an Eric the Midget doll. Richard said they could use the left over stuff from the Ronnie doll to make the Eric doll. Howard said that Eric has to be kind of curious about what the doll would look like. Eric said that he's not interested in that at all. Robin said that it's an honor to have that.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that this is fair satire and they can't be sued over making just one doll.
Howard asked Eric if he would send him his hair color so they could get it right. Eric said he's not sending them anything. Richard said they have his penis size already so they know how big that should be. Richard said he's going to fuck the doll in the ass and not blow it so that's not gay. Richard said he's going to be the man in the relationship and fuck it.
Dominic said they could have a dog fuck the doll and it still wouldn't be illegal. Fred asked him if they could have a real dog with an Eric mask on it and fuck that. Dominic said that would be satire so that's legal. They got a laugh out of that.
A caller said that the whole Real Doll concept is hilarious. He said that he wanted to know if the fans can come in and fuck the doll. Howard said ''sure.'' Richard said they should have a big event at Giants Stadium and let the fans all come in and fuck him.
A caller said that they could cover it with a sheet and just let everyone fuck it while hidden in the sheet like they were going to do with Scott the Engineer.
Howard told Eric that if he's lucky he might make the doll into him. Eric told him ''Don't even do it!'' Artie said that he's the one out of the millions of fans that they're going to make a doll out of.
Howard asked what Eric objects to. He thinks that he's overreacting. Eric said he's not overreacting. He said that it's stupid and not something that he ever wants to see done. Richard told him he doesn't have to watch it.
Fred said they could have Nick Manning come in and fuck the doll and drop his loads on it. Howard took some more calls and let the fans give their thoughts on it. More callers wanted them to make the doll the Eric the Midget Doll.
Howard asked Robin if she would do anything with the doll. She said she would pose holding the penis but not do anything sexual with it. Howard asked Eric if he would like it if Robin did something to it. Eric didn't want the doll made at all and told Robin to ''shut up you cackling bitch.''
Howard asked Eric if he wanted him to open the package he sent with Artie. Eric said ''yes please'' to that. Howard asked Artie where he found the package. Artie said that it was under all of his pizza and shit at his apartment.
Gary said that everyone in there got an autographed picture of Eric. He personalized them all. Robin thought that was cute. Howard asked Eric if he came up with the stuff on the pictures or did he have some help. Eric said that he came up with it.
Howard said that the picture was a handsome picture of him. He said that they need that picture to make the Real Doll. Eric thanked Howard for the 6 years of being on the show. Howard read the notes he wrote on there and Eric included the date he first called in which was 9/19/02.
Artie said that Eric was actually thanking Howard for something. Howard read through the other autographs to Fred, Robin and Artie. Howard asked Eric if they doctored the picture at all because there were no blotches on his head. Eric said that it was cleaned up and they fixed the microphone so it didn't say SIRIUS. He changed it to JFSC.tv.
Eric said that he's sold between 200 and 300 pictures so far. Howard said that Eric looks very handsome and he had a feeling that it was doctored. Eric said that they did fix it up a little bit. Howard said his hair is recently dyed in the picture.
Gary said that Eric sent Howard a book called ''Jewish Chessmasters on Stamps.'' Howard wondered what that was about. Eric wrote him a note in that as well. Howard said that Beth should enjoy that and thanked him for thinking of both of them for their wedding gift.
Howard told Eric that he really thinks that this Real Doll would be an honor to have. Eric said that he doesn't see it that way at all. Howard said that he might get some more business out of it if he's in the studio as a doll every day.
Howard thanked Eric for the gifts and let him go a short time later. Eric actually said ''thank you'' as he was getting off the phone. Howard said that he's going to think about this Real Doll thing and possibly make it Eric the Midget.
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 01/29/09. 7:10am
During the break Howard was doing a commercial and Gary told him that they had pictures of his home theater up on HowardStern.com. He was showing what his ''stools'' looked like and they're hardly stools. They're pretty nice looking chairs. They checked those out quickly before finishing up the commercials.
After the break Howard came back and said that he and Artie were fascinated with Will the Farter's farting hand device. Howard said that Will was talking about how you have to learn to play it. Howard said there are a ton of fart toys like that and they all work without having to learn how to use them.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Howard said he had some tape of Lisa's first on-air broadcast and she sounded almost dead inside. Howard played the clip and asked Lisa what year it was. Lisa said that she would just say that she was 17 at the time. Lisa didn't sound anything like she does now. Howard asked Lisa if she took voice lessons. Lisa said she did take speech lessons.
Lisa said that a fan is launching a boycott of Artie on the show and he's doing that to try and save his life. The guy has started a web site called BoycottArtieLange.com.
Lisa had a story about a guy from Sound and Vision magazine who was defending Gary about the home theater thing. Howard said he got bashed in the e-mail over that too. He read through some of that mail where the fans went off on him about what he was doing on the show yesterday. Howard said that it's just wrong to have stools in a home theater. He said that Gary could have had more chairs in there and instead he has shitty stools in there. Howard said that the bar area isn't a bar either, it's just a slab of marble.
Gary said that you put stuff on the bar there when you have people over. Robin also said that Gary has a Man Cave there at his house and he doesn't watch games in there. He watches them in the theater.
Howard told Gary that he should make drinks in the other room during the commercial and sit in a comfortable chair instead. Gary said that he designed the room to have fun in and that's an idea that's foreign to Howard.
Artie said that he would feel like a bartender in a stool like that. He said that he'd have to look over the booze to see the screen. Howard asked what the white panels were on the wall in the room. Gary said that they were speakers that were going to be covered. Howard said that they also had a socket in the middle of the bar. Howard asked Gary what the hell he did with that room.
Robin asked Gary why he did some of that stuff so Gary asked her why she would buy an $800 bottle of wine. Howard got back to the e-mail and read through more of that. Most of the fans were on Gary's side in the argument.
Howard said that he wasn't saying that this room was bad for Gary, Gary just didn't think it through. Howard said that Wendy the Retard is happy counting to 5 but that doesn't mean that it's good for her.
Artie said that the socket being where it was really aggravated him. He said that he used to be in construction and that would really bother him. Howard said that Gary should ask about why they put the sockets where they did on the bar. Gary said that he will ask about it but he really didn't notice it until they pointed it out.
Gary said that the sockets didn't bother him and Howard is the first one to have pointed it out. Howard goofed on Gary about that for a short time. Howard said that it bothers him that Gary makes poor decisions like that. Gary said that it was a poor decision to start working for him.
Lisa G said that Wendy the Retard is doing what she can to make money and that includes collecting cans on the side of the road. She's spending all of her money on lottery tickets. She's spending about 10 bucks a day doing that. Howard said that lottery agents shouldn't be allowed to sell tickets to retarded people like that.
Artie said he heard that Wendy is going to be putting out a line of $28 cookies. He called Lisa ''Lisa the Retard'' after that.
Ralph called in and talked about how ugly Gary's home theater was. He said that the chairs looked amazing but the color of the room wasn't good. He said that it was odd to have that bar in the back of the theater too. He said that Gary will never take that out and put in some more comfortable chairs. Howard said the theater would be perfect if it had another couch in the back.
Ralph also pointed out that Gary has his whole floor plan up on a web site (SoundAndVisionMag.com) and pictures from inside his house. Gary said that article was a couple of years old. He said he didn't want to talk about this on the air. He said he had a reason to do what he did. His explanation is about as good as the explanation for why there are stools in the back of the theater.
Ralph said that there are snapshots of Gary's whole house on this web site. Howard asked Gary if he got paid to do that. Gary said that he got a lot of the stuff in the article at a reduced price so he did benefit from it.
Howard was trying to talk to Gary but Gary kept making noise over his office microphone to cut him off. Gary said he didn't want to argue about this all day long. Howard said that Gary didn't get that he was being paid by getting that discount. Gary said that he knows that he benefited but he didn't get ''paid'' to do that. Howard said that it's the same thing. He and Gary went back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Gary asked Artie if he thinks that he got paid to do his Man Cave. Artie said that he has to declare it on his taxes so he would consider that being paid.
Howard checked out the pictures of Gary's house that Ralph was talking about. Gary said that he didn't even know that stuff was still up online. Gary said that it's a tech magazine that shows that kind of equipment. Gary said that they were just trying to show how their ''core readers'' could do something similar to what he's doing. Gary said that he has a security system at that house so if Ralph tries anything, he won't get in.
Howard said that a lot of superfans want to build a house like Gary has. He said that it really is a nice house. He said that he was there before the home theater was built. He said he would have given him some advice on that if he had told him about it.
Rapper Luther Campbell Visits. 07/31/08. 6:50am
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to two pizzerias giving one an order and then having that guy talk to the other place. Howard came back a short time later and said that Luther Campbell was coming in. He said that he's also known as Uncle Luke or Luke Skyywalker.
Luther came in and Howard asked him about this new reality show he has. Luther said that his friends tell him that he's a walking reality show so he had to do it. Howard said that this show is more of a family type show. Luke said that it is but he does have some wild tapes from the 2 Live Crew days. He said that they haven't had a hit since he left the group.
Howard asked Luke why the band bad mouths him saying that he had nothing to do with their success but then claims that he just took the money. Luke said that they haven't had a hit since he left and he was the one doing all of the work back then. Luke said that he and Mr. Mix were the ones behind that group and you can tell now that they're not in the group.
Howard asked Luke about growing up and asked if he had to fight. Luke said that he did and he learned from his family. He said that he still gets along with his brothers and he still sees them.
Luther said that he just got married last week and he's 47 years old. Howard asked Luke if this was the first woman that he ever met that he wanted to marry. Luke said that he just wanted to be friends with the other chicks in his life and this one was very special. He said that he met her at Jerry's Deli on South Beach. He said that she's a black woman but he could have married a white chick if he wanted. He said that the black girls wouldn't have liked that if he had married a white girl.
Howard asked Luke how dark she is. He said that she's about the same as Robin. He said that she's quite petite too and not like the dancers that people would think he'd marry.
Howard asked Luke how often he washes his hair. Luke said that it's about twice a week. Howard told him about the conversation that he had with Robin earlier and Luke agreed with what Robin was saying, they do have dry hair. Luke said that his wife washes her's a few times a week too.
Howard asked Luke about banging 4 women at the same time. Luke said that Howard must know what that's like. Howard said he never has had anything like that. Howard asked Luke if he had intercourse with all of them. Luke said that he didn't with all of them. He said that they were all black girls and a couple of them were going down on each other while he did two of them.
Luther also asked Howard if he had been with an Asian woman. Howard hasn't been with one so Luke told him he has to come down and hang out with him. Howard read that Luke thinks that Asian woman just lay there in bed and it's about as good as having a blow up doll. Howard read that Luke doesn't use a condom but he's lucked out and hasn't gotten any diseases from that.
Howard gave Luke a plug for his new reality show called ''Luke's Parental Advisory.'' That led to Robin talking about how he's going to get his kids taken away from him the way he talks to them on the show. Howard said he saw that Luke's 14 year old son is dating a 15 year old girl who has a baby already. Luke said that she was fuckin' at 13 and he asked his son what he was doing with that girl and he eventually broke up with her.
Howard asked Luke where his kids are going to school. Luke said he has to send a check to their mother so she can send them to private school. He said that he has to pay $4,300 a month for the two kids. He said that he has four that he claims but technically he has 5.
Howard asked Luke how much the other two kids cost him. Luke said they're too old now and he doesn't have to pay but they did come at him looking for more money.
Luther said that the 5th kid he never knew. He said that he did pay child support but he didn't get to know her. He said that he was never good with women and that's why he didn't have very good relationships. He said that most of them were gold diggers who just wanted to have kids so they could get a pay check.
Luther said that he used to count the birth control pills that his girls were taking but that didn't work because they ended up getting pregnant anyway. He said that he learned 5 times that the women don't always take the pills the way they're supposed to.
Howard asked Luke if he ever asked the women to get an abortion. Luke said that he never thought about doing that, he doesn't believe in abortion. He said that he thinks about what would have happened if he had been aborted.
Howard asked Luke about how many women he's been with over the years. Luke said that he was very picky and he wasn't with just anyone. He said that he would check out a girl's car to see how dirty it was and he can judge a woman based on stuff like that. Howard said that he knows a guy who thinks he can judge how dirty a woman's pussy is just by looking at her. Luke said that he can do that too and he bases that on the dirty car or dirty house. He said he has been fooled before and he met a woman from New Orleans who had a clean car but a dirty pussy. Luke said that her shit smelled bad.
Luther said that once he was with her he told her to smell herself and taste it down there so she'd know how bad it was.
Howard asked Luke about famous chicks. Luke said he was with one who was on her period at the time and she didn't tell him that. He said that he woke up the next morning and wondered what the hell had happened there.
Howard said that he was with a woman once and did oral on her when she was on her period. He said he came out of there looking like the Joker. He said she didn't know that she had it coming on though.
Howard asked Luke about his buddy Jay-Z and why he won't talk about being married to Beyonce. Robin said that they're always out together and they never admit that they're married. Luke said he didn't know anything about that.
Howard asked Luke about his wife and how big her boobs are. Luke said that she's skinny but her boobs are bigger than Robin's. He claims that they're real too.
Howard gave Luke another plug for his reality show and then took some phone calls. It's starting on Monday night at 10 on VH-1.
A caller told Howard he thinks that Fred is out of his mind with this Steve Langford thing. He also said that Pam Anderson is washed up and he shouldn't have her in. Then the guy threw out a joke and asked what the difference is between a nig*er and a bucket of shit. Howard cut him off and said that was out of line. He told Luke that he was sorry that the guy had gotten through with that.
Howard asked Luke about who he's going to vote for in the upcoming election. Luke said that he's behind Obama. He talked about why he likes the guy and figured that he washes his hair just about every night.
Howard said that he's going to be watching Luke's new show to support it. Luke said that in the first episode his wife finds some porno under his son's bed. He said that he was hoping it wouldn't be gay stuff. He said he lucked out with that. He said that he would have flipped the fuck out if it had turned out to be gay porn. Howard said he just read that it was South Beach Booty that he had under his bed. Luke said it was something like that.
Howard asked Luke if he would go to a gay wedding. Luke said he would not. Howard asked him if he would even go to his son's wedding if he was gay. That was another No.
Howard took a call from Crazy Alice (audio clips) and she was yelling at Luke about a few things. Luke said that she sounds very angry. The guys in the back were having some fun with those clips and kept playing her saying the N-word and telling Howard to shut the fuck up and things like that.
Luther said that she sounds like one of those women that you give a golden shower to and promise a lot of stuff to who gets very angry.
Howard let Alice go and asked Luke more about his reality show. Luke said that they shot 8 episodes and if it does well they'll do some more.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Luke signed a pre-nup. Luke said no to that so Howard asked him what he was thinking. Luke said he didn't think he needed it. Howard told him that his money is going to go right out the window if he gets divorced. Luke said that his money is protected but wouldn't elaborate on that. He said that Florida is the place where you want to get married. Howard said he doesn't think he thought this through. Luke said that his lawyers told him that he's protected.
Howard asked Luke if he had to convince his wife to be part of the reality show. Luke said that she wasn't supposed to be part of it at first but she became more and more a part of it when they got it going. Howard said that he'd better watch out because Hulk Hogan is coming in and his wife is divorcing him after the reality show happened. Luke said that it's the same crew shooting his show so he does have to be careful.
Howard played Luke's latest song and said that he kind of likes it. Luke talked about the old days when they were recording the 2 Live Crew songs and everyone would come in high. Luke said that he doesn't do that shit but he does drink. He said he didn't want to become a zombie like those other guys were.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he's a fan of that music but when Luke's wife tells him to cut back on his spending, she's counting his money. He told Luke that you always want a pre-nup no matter where you live. He said that Florida isn't all that great for divorces. He said that pre-nups are so you don't have to litigate. Howard said that Luke was looking bummed out now so he had to cut that conversation off.
Howard let Dominic go but Dominic was telling Robin to give them a call back because they wanted to talk to her about her break up. That led to Robin talking about breaking up with Jim and Howard telling Luke that she was dating a white guy. Luke said she looks like someone who would date a black guy. Robin said that she'll date anyone. <>Howard started to wrap up, gave Luke a plug for his web site UncleLuke.tv and then Luke told him that he should let him throw his bachelor party. Howard told him to stay home because he's not going to do that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Ronnie Vs. Howard... Again. 11/01/04. 7:15am
After the break Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show featuring Amy McCarthy. He then played the prank call Fred the Elephant Boy made to High Pitch Erik last week. Fred was doing all of Erik's new trademark lines. They had a new call where Will told Erik that they were going to hold off on using Erik because they thought that Fred's ''Kelly Clarkson'' bit better than his. Erik was upset that Fred was stealing his spotlight. Erik told Will that he'd like to wrestle Fred over the whole thing. Erik ended up saying ''F*** You'' to Will because of the call. Howard said that the real ''Kelly Clarkson'' High Pitch Erik would be there today, not Fred. They also said that they'd have some porno girls, The Spit Whores, would be there as well. They're the girls from the porn clips they play on the show just about every day. It's also what inspired the remake featuring High Pitch Erik, Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy.
Howard said they have Melrose Larry Green coming in to be on the Hollyweird Squares game. Robin wondered how that happened but all Howard knew was the fact that they were letting him come back on. Gary told Howard that Jeff the Drunk was verbally abusing the Spit Whores upstairs while they were talking about that.
Howard heard that Ronnie the Limo Driver held a Scores party of his own over the weekend. Sal the Stockbroker brought a tape recorder to the party and taped some of what went on. Howard said that Brian Phelan from E! gets really drunk at those parties. A caller distracted Howard for a couple of minutes when he told him that the Los Angeles station had put on the Tom Leykis show instead of his this morning. The show was back on by the time the guy got on the air though. The caller also wanted to talk politics but Howard didn't want to go there at that particular time.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and Howard started going off on him for having a Scores party without him. Howard told him that he's not going to Scores anymore and he's not talking about the place anymore because Ronnie never asked him if he was available. Ronnie has gotten to be buddies with Lonnie now and he's throwing his own parties. Howard is done with all of that now. He said this is the last time he's talking about Scores because of that. Ronnie wondered what his problem is with him. Howard told him that he's not doing the right thing and he has become ScoresMan923 just like his screenname says. Howard said he doesn't want Ronnie going to Scores without him anymore. Ronnie couldn't figure out what Howard's problem was with him. Howard told him that he's got his kid on Friday night and he should know that by now. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that Ronnie was saying ''F-You'' to the E! show that was on Friday night every time Howard's face came on the screen. Ronnie said that he was saying that to Pat Croce who was on the show that night, not Howard. Howard said that Ronnie didn't bother to ask him about whether or not he was free that night and it pissed him off. Howard said that Ronnie probably didn't even have to pay for the party but Ronnie said he did pay for some stuff himself. Howard says he's going to start going to the Hustler club or the Penthouse club instead now that Ronnie has his thing with Scores.
Ronnie wondered if Howard wanted him out of there or something. Every week he's got a problem with him and he wonders if he has something against him. Howard told him to just do whatever he wants to do. Ronnie ended up leaving the studio. Howard said that he's going to have his own party this week and Ronnie isn't invited. He said that Ronnie has taken full advantage of his relationship with Scores and held his own party. Brian Phelan from E! had come in so he told Howard how great everything was over there at the party. Howard continued to talk about Ronnie not having any limits when it comes to taking advantage of his relationship with Scores.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Ronnie should have held off on the party until he was available. Howard wondered about how Ronnie could have 40 people to the party and not think that he was taking advantage of his association with the club. Howard said that it makes him look bad when he does something like that. There were forty people there at the party but Ronnie said there were some who didn't show up because Howard wasn't there. Howard told the rest of the guys to throw some birthday parties there as well. Howard wanted to get back to Brian but Ronnie wanted Howard to settle their problems before that happened. Howard and Robin both started going off on Ronnie about the party and how he wouldn't have been able to have done that if Howard didn't have a relationship with Scores. Howard tried to explain everything to Ronnie but he ended up walking out of the studio. Howard then demanded an apology from him. Ronnie came back in and Howard went off on him again about how he's throwing another party for someone else at the station. Ronnie said he's just helping them, he's not ''throwing'' the party for them. Howard said that he would never throw a party for 40 people at Scores. He always keeps the numbers down because he feels guilty having that many there. Ronnie said that the people who he invited and didn't show up are not his friends now.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that he didn't show up to the party so he wondered if he wasn't his friend now. Ronnie didn't say. Tom also told Howard that the funny money wasn't flowing like it does when Howard is there. Howard figured that the party must have cost around $250 a head at least. Robin said it had to have been at least a $10,000 party then. Howard thought it was probably more like $100,000. He wanted to play some of the audio that Sal the Stockbroker managed to get there but Ronnie wanted to leave. He said that Howard has a problem with him every Monday morning lately and he doesn't like it. He told Howard he's never going to Scores again so Howard told him ''Hand in your cape ScoresMan...'' Howard didn't even ask him to never go again but if that's what he wanted, then he can stop going. Howard said Ronnie is going to be just ''Man923'' now that he's taking away Scores from his own life. He said that it's like when Superman gave up his powers to be with Lois Lane. He just gave up his powers for no reason.
Howard wanted people to just hear the tape of Brian Phelan at the Scores party. He said that it seems like Brian goes berserk when he goes out ever since he had his kid. Brian was really wasted in the audio clip that Howard played. Robin wondered how much he drank but Brian doesn't remember. Ronnie stayed in and told some stories of his own. He told a story about how he was able to push Big John over himself because John was so drunk. It wasn't much of a story though so Howard and Robin goofed on him about that. Richie Wilson was at the party and Sal was asking him some questions. Sal asked him what he'd like to talk to tell Howard that he's never been able to tell. Richie said that Howard has a lot of guys who hang around him who are douche bags. Richie told Howard that people like Dominic Barbara are real douche bags. Richie Notar was another guy that he mentioned who was kind of a douche bag one time that they were out in Vegas. Howard defended Richie and didn't think that he's a douche bag. Richie told Howard that his buddy Ross is yet another guy who has been a douche bag in the past.
Sal the Stockbroker said that there are stories about Ross having attached himself to Howard after meeting him through Gary. Gary said that's not true and he's not like that. Howard defended his friends and said that he really doesn't surround himself with douche bags like that. Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if Ronnie could plan his bachelor party out in Vegas. Another caller said that they need to stop with Ronnie already and talk about getting Kerry into office. Howard took a few more phone calls and a couple of guys said that Ronnie should be fired. Howard wished Ronnie a happy birthday since that's what he was celebrating on Friday night. Ronnie sarcastically said that Howard made it real happy. Howard said that Ronnie was the guy who made the big party happen and it appears there's no limit to the amount of people he can have there. Howard kept going, goofing on Ronnie for a few more minutes. He said he doesn't think he'll be able to have his own party at Scores for a while since Ronnie had 40 guys there on Friday night. He has to let them recover for a while before having another party. Howard said he's not going to go there for another 6 months so they can recover. He had to go to break a short time later.
Hair Band Cover Songs. 09/24/07. 7:25am
After the break we heard some Riley Martin audio and some prank calls that Sal and Richard made to a call in chess show. Howard came back a short time later and said he got a note saying that the fans like the music that Fred plays when they come back from break.
Howard went on to talk about an album that's out where some 80s hair bands remade some songs. He said that Bruce Dickinson remade ''All The Young Dudes'' and he was kind of fascinated by that. He said that one of the guys from L.A. Guns remade ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' too. He played ''All the Young Dudes'' and said that it sounded pretty good to him. He also played the ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' which he said was also pretty good but not like the version he and The Losers did. Of course he played that version after playing the album version. Howard said he would have given them permission to use that on the album if they had asked.
Howard said that he's even better than the guys from L.A. Guns. Richard said that it sounded like they rehearsed that song a lot. Artie said that the rehearsals were insane and he almost didn't make it through them. Howard said that they do get a little carried away with that stuff. Richard said he was in the Homo Cop remake rehearsal and Howard almost killed Sal over that.
Howard said that Dee Snider recorded ''The Wanderer'' and it sounded pretty good. He said you have to stick with it because it starts out a little slow. He played the song and it does start out slow, but then picks up. Howard said it sounded good to him. Robin said that part was good, once he picked up the pace.
Howard read through the list of other songs on the album and played a couple of quick cuts from it. He played Rob Zombie's cover of ''I'm your Boogie man'' and a couple of other ones. He said there were 19 tracks on this album. Richard told Howard some of the tracks he should check out so he went through some of those. Artie talked about some of the bands and their effect on some of the kids in school when he was in high school. He talked about some kids who had a keg out on the beach and kept it hidden with a poster of the Iron Maiden ''Eddie'' character and when the cops showed up, they told the cops that they weren't drinking, it was Eddie who was drinking. He said he'd love to know what happened to those kids.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about sex after Howard mentioned a story he read about people in Egypt who cut off women's clitorises. They were talking about rubbing clits and things like that.
What Would Scott DePace Do For A Copy Of Halo 3? 09/24/07. 7:45am
Howard said that he just got a copy of this Halo 3 video game that Scott DePace is frothing at the mouth to play. He said that he read a review of the game and it's beyond amazing according to the article. The guys spent some time talking about the game and what they could try to get DePace to do just to play the game. Scott is a huge xBox guy and he loves games like that.
Howard asked Scott what he'd do to play this game. Scott said the game isn't out until midnight tonight. The guys noticed his hands shaking so Howard asked what was up with that. Scott said they always shake. He said that it's some central nervous shake or something like that.
Howard asked Scott what he'd be willing to do for this game. Scott wasn't up for anything, he said that he can get it tomorrow. One of the guys from the office, Kevin, came in and said that he'd do something fucked up to get the game. He said he'd be willing to let Richard tea bag him. Richard asked Scott if he'd let him put his balls on his head for the game. Scott said he'd do that for $10,000.
Kevin said that he's not going to take a nut sack in his mouth for a $60 video game. Sal came in and said that he has something new called a nostril pouch where he puts his penis pouch over the guy's nose. Howard said he wasn't really up for any kind of insertion. Sal said that he was just going to put it over his nose, not in his nose.
Sal and Richard were also talking about flogging Kevin's face with their cocks. Sal wanted to take his whole foreskin and stretch it over his ear. Scott was ready to go back to directing the show but Howard asked him if he'd be willing to do any of these things that the guys were suggesting. Scott was not interested at all. Howard wanted to give that game to Scott but they had to come up with something crazy for him to do. Scott said he had to think but nothing came up.
Howard threw one more thing at Scott. He said that he'd have to agree to vote for Barack Obama to get the game. Scott said that would ruin the country. Like that isn't happening already. Scott said he can't go there and throw his vote to someone like that for a video game. Richard suggested that they draw a penis and balls on his bald head. Scott wasn't up for that either. He wasn't willing to do anything they threw out to him. They wanted to draw and write stuff on his bald head but he refused.
Scott said he'd be willing to stop talking about politics for a month for the game. Howard wasn't interested in that. Scott told Kevin to take the offer and take the cocks on his face. Howard suggested they draw the cock and balls on his forehead. Kevin was fine with that. Sal suggested they write ''Scott DePace sucks cock'' on Kevin's face. Howard told the guys to draw a big cock on Kevin's face but Richard said it would be cooler if Howard drew it.
Howard had Kevin come over and started drawing the cock on his forehead. He had it dripping cum on his face and stuff like that. The guys said it was impressive. Howard thought up something to write on his forehead along with the cock. Howard said he kind of liked just having the cock and balls there but then said maybe ''I Hate Snatch'' would work. They were running out of room on his face so he had to go to the side of his head.
Sal suggested they write ''Insert Cock Here'' over his mouth. Howard had him write it since he suggested it. He went right ahead and did it. Kevin said he has to work there until 7 o'clock tonight. Sal told him he'd give him a gun to blow his brains out with.
Howard and the guys were laughing their asses off looking at the stuff he had written on him. He was breaking out in hives or something on his right side. The guys said that maybe he's allergic to the Sharpie pen that they used to write on him. Howard gave him a copy of the game and gave a plug for the game which comes out tomorrow. Howard sent Kevin on his way after that.
Song Parodies And Other Stuff. 09/24/07. 8:00am
Howard played a song parody about Sal and Richard which was to the tune of ''YMCA'' and was called ''COCK.'' Richard said he was out at a beer festival the other day and some guy came up to him and told him they have to cut out the gay stuff on Howard TV. He said he did that right in front of his girlfriend too.
Howard played another song about Robin that a fan sent in. The song was ''Black Coony Woman.'' That was done by the same guy who did the System of a Down Baba Booey song according to Richard. There was another one called ''Proud Booey'' about Baba Booey of course.
Howard said he had another one where this guy belches his song. He played that one and then talked about the ''Big Black Titties'' song parody that he played last week. He said he was walking around singing that one and Beth asked him what it was. He played that one and said he finally got it out of his head until he heard a replay of the show.
Artie said that there are some songs you don't want to sing while you're out in public. He said he almost sang the ''The House Next Door Has Been Sold To nig*ers'' while he was out on the street. Howard played that song a short time later.
Howard played a porn clip that the guys pulled for him. It was a clip that JD had found according to Richard. Howard took a call from a guy who suggested they send Kevin down to the gay channel, Out Q, to see what they do. Howard said they should send him to the Catholic Channel or something. Howard said that might be the thing to do. He made up a conversation that might go on with them over there.
When Bits Go Bad. 09/24/07. 8:10am
Howard had Kevin come back in and told him to go down to Out Q to see what their reaction would be. He put on the feed from Out Q and played that while they sent Kevin down there. Gary asked Howard if he wanted Kevin to go on live and then suggested Howard put the live feed up. He had already done all of that though. He must not have been listening.
Howard was able to follow them down there with the camera but Kevin was waiting to go in there. Howard kept telling him to just walk in. Gary had to bring Kevin back because they wouldn't let him in. Howard said that the conversation was boring, it may have livened things up.
Gary told Howard that he got the big hand and they said they were talking about something very serious over there and didn't want to let them come in. Howard said he should have just pushed him in there. He put the feed back up and listened to this ''serious'' conversation. It didn't sound all that serious though.
Howard goofed on Gary about his wart and Gary told Howard that it was completely gone now and showed it to him. Howard said he was right and it was gone. He thought for sure that it wasn't going to go away.
Gary wanted to send Kevin back down there but Howard said that it was too late to do it, it was ruined already. He blamed it on Gary because Gary inserted himself into the whole thing. Gary blamed Doug Goodstein from Howard TV for sending him down there with him. Howard said he just told Kevin to go down there. He said he was running late so he had to get moving.
Jon asked JD what his prom song was. JD said he didn't go to any prom. They asked JD what songs were big back then. They went over a few songs like the Macarena and things like that. JD said that he had a friend mime the song Barbie Girl during a pep rally. He said he thinks he was asked to do it by a teacher. JD said he had some disciplinary issues and that got him off of that.
Jon asked Benjy if he went to his prom. Benjy said he didn't but their song was Dixie. He sang some of that for the guys.
Richard said he went to prom but he went stag. He said he and his buddies had some booze there. He said they had a keg at a party after that. He said that his friend drank from the keg and passed out from drinking so much. He said that people were drawing on him and stuff.
Jon said he went to junior prom and senior prom. He said one of the songs was ''One More Night'' and another song was something that he can't remember exactly. Jon said that they had other parties after the prom and people would hook up with other people. Jon said if you didn't have a good prom date you'd meet up with someone else. Jon said at senior prom he met up with someone who wasn't his prom date. Jon said he had a really good time with her. He said he can't remember his junior prom.
Benjy asked if Jon lost his virginity in those years. Jon said not at the prom. He said he went to a camp and lost it there. Richard said it was the Sleepaway Camp movie camp. Jon had told him that it was at a camp where they filmed that movie.
Richard said they would go out and watch people making out in their cars on this road. He said that they threw rocks at some of the trucks to scare them off.
Jon said the prom was fun to go to but it seemed like you went there to go to the next thing. He said that's the way it worked where he was.
Jon asked JD if he regrets not going to his. JD said not really. Jon asked Benjy if he does. Benjy said he felt kind of sad at the time. He said he wished he was but he wasn't talking about it. Jon said he remembers asking and it was gut wrenching. He said he tried to find out if she was going to say yes or not. He said he asked her friends and it's a whole game you play. Richard said that's why he went stag and didn't bother.
Benjy said he found out that this girl had a crush on him. He said she wrote him a note and left it in his locker. He said she asked him to a dance. Benjy said he had to call her back and say it was a Jewish holiday. He said he called and it turned out it was a prank pulled on him by some other kids. He said he accidentally burned one of the girl's hair in class. He said he swears it was an accident though. Jon went to break after that.
JD said he's seen the way it's set up and it's nice. He said you can relax in a chair or sit in the stool and eat at the bar. Jon asked if Gary overreacted. JD said he thinks that he was being very protective of his decision and his design.
Richard said if you have a home theater where you eat that's a great idea. He said they have that in their kitchen. He said he's with Gary on that.
Benjy said he doesn't like stools. He said he has a personal feeling about that. Benjy said part of him is like ''fuck you'' asking Howard why he cares. He said on the other hand if he's making a joke then it's fine but if he's not joking then it's ''fuck you.''
Steve said when Howard hears ''home theater'' that's where you're going to watch a movie. He said there are some classy home theater set ups. He said Howard is never thinking about having guys over to watch football. He said to watch a movie those seats are great but the stools are great for eating in. He said you have to think about that. He said he's happy to sit in those stools.
Richard said the stools remind you of a bar and hanging out with your buddies. He said that's a manly thing. Jon asked if he has any good stool stories. Richard said he'd have to think about that but he's sure he does. Benjy is really against stools. He said he prefers for his feet to touch the floor when he's sitting.
Richard said he thinks that Howard not liking the stools made Gary want to keep them even more. He said he thinks Gary understands that Howard isn't a sports guy so he may have understood that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Eric the Midget got offended when they were going to make a Real Doll in his likeness. He said everyone was excited about that at the time. Richard said he remembers that he or Sal was going to fuck it too. Jon said he thinks that a lot of people wanted to do that.
Jon asked JD if he was excited about that doll. JD said he probably would have laughed at other people fucking it. He said it was something cool to look at if they had made it. Jon asked JD if he would want something like that made of him. JD said he's not sure about that. Richard asked if he would fuck his own Real Doll. JD said that might be awkward. Benjy said they should have one made up of each person there and have them all ready to fuck. Jon said that some people may not fuck certain dolls. He said he's not sure he'd fuck the JD Real Doll. Richard said he can see Sal fucking the Jon Hein Real Doll.
Benjy said with Eric it is funny to tease him and get a reaction but it's weird. He said he wonders when they go too far. He said he wonders when it's wrong. Jon said that Gary gets his balls broken often and he gets taken to the wolves.
Jon asked JD why he hates Eric so much. JD said he's very flip floppy and he's not sure if he's being real on some stuff. He said it's just odd. JD said he can't tell what's real or not. Richard asked if he thinks he can walk. JD said he doesn't think he's faking that stuff. JD said that Eric is as he is physically but he thinks that not being appreciative of certain things and the demands may not be real. Jon asked if that is evil genius at work. JD said he doesn't know. He said it confuses him.
Benjy asked JD if he ever plays a character. He said he's never seen him play someone else. JD said if you're playing a character to play a character that's fine. JD said he has done goofy voices around the office. Jon asked for one. JD did an English accent and it only lasted about a word or two. Richard did one too. Jon asked JD what voices he's done. JD said he can't think of one. He said he must have imitated someone. Jon asked who but JD wasn't coming up with anything.
Richard asked JD to do a Koala voice. Benjy did one. JD did a French accent but he sounded like himself. Jon asked him to do an Australian. JD did that too but it was like JD just saying Australian phrases. JD did one voice where he did a high pitch voice and it didn't sound like him at all.
Benjy said that teasing really gets to JD. He asked if it's wrong to tease for humor. JD said it's not cut or dry. JD said there are times when Eric's stuff has made him laugh and times when it frustrates him.
Jon asked JD to do a film role voice. JD asked who. Jon suggested Austin Powers. JD did a voice from 3 O'clock High. He recited some lines and laughed at himself. The guys said it was awful. Jon asked him to do Borat. JD did a word as that character. He did a Woody Allen voice too.
Benjy asked JD if he would ever want to go up to someone on the street and do that 3 O'clock High thing. JD said no because the person might beat him up. Jon wrapped up the show after that. The guys got in some plugs and they were done around 11:15am.
Howard Stern Birthday Bash: 6-7pm. 01/31/14.
Jimmy said that they have even more people to get to. Jimmy said that one of the people has had a lot of plastic surgery and the other one should. It was Joan Rivers and Jeffrey Ross. Jeffrey got up and gave a Baba Booey to the crowd. Jeff had Joan up there with him. Jeff said his name was Melissa and that was his mom Joan. Joan said she's still in shock over Tan Mom. She said that Tan Mom is the only one who wishes her mom was Casey Anthony. Jeff said that this is some crowd they have. He asked if Tan Mom got Lou Reed's tickets. Jeff said Howard has been in radio so long he bought Robin at an auction. Robin said she's not supposed to be roasted. Jeff said they're doing a sequel to Private Parts but it's about Robin and it's called 32 Years a Slave. He said Howard does so much for animals but they keep Robin in a glass cage.
Joan told Howard how much she loves Robin and how she's the only black woman in America who hasn't fucked Bill Maher. She said she's a pride to her race. Joan asked Robin when the last time was she spoke to a black person other than to say that the vacuum cleaner is in the closet.
Jeff said Howard is like a Jewish rock star... Guns N Noses. He asked if he's in ''I Want My Nickelback.'' Joan told Howard he looks so good. She said she can't do jokes about his face. She said if his face was a car it would be Paul Walker's Porsche. Joan said she doesn't give a shit anymore, she's 80 years old.
Jeff asked where Beth Stern was. He said Howard keeps a picture of Beth in his wallet and Beth keeps a picture of Howard's wallet with her.
Joan told Howard not to pay attention to the year difference in his marriage. She that Beth knows that she'll always have 30 more years to live after Howard is gone. Joan said that Howard had a hit show for 11 years on E!. She said that was amazing except that's like having a relationship with a retarded man.
Jeff said that Howard is his comedy hero. He said he leaned so much about life. He said that he's the Johnny Carson of their generation and the Mark Twain of Joan's generation. They wrapped up their roast segment after that.
Jimmy had Joan and Jeff sit down for a moment with them. Jimmy said he thinks they forgot a few black jokes. Howard said they did so well that he's going to let them sit on the couch. He said they have been called over by him. He said that was the worst part about Johnny Carson. He said that was obnoxious. Howard said that Joan's biggest competition on J-Date is there. He was talking about Barbara Walters. Joan said that they are actually very good friends. Howard said that Jeff's career is going very well. Jeff said Howard mentioned him every day on the air this week. He said his shows sell out every week when he mentions him. Howard said when he does that for Joan nothing happens.
Howard said this couch they're sitting on is made of Johnny Carson's bones. Joan said that she's just happy to see Howard. Howard said it's weird to be doing the show on stage in front of an audience. Jimmy said that you can't see these assholes texting during the show when they're not in front of you.
Howard asked Joan about this fur she's wearing. Joan said it's the other half of Lindsay Lohan's stolen fur. Jeff said that she shops at Forever 71. Jimmy asked where he shops. Jeff said he got that out of Jimmy's closet. Jeff said he shops at Abercrobme and Felch.
Howard said this show is going very well so far. Howard said they're having a lot of fun. Jimmy said that it's time for some music. Jimmy introduced John Mayer who performed a cover of ''Like a Rolling Stone.''
After that performance Jimmy said he wishes he could do anything that well. Howard said the same. Howard said that was great. Jimmy said there might be an opening for him in Electric Comic Book. Howard asked John to sit on the couch later. John said he would do that.
$338 Million Lottery Winner Discussed. 03/26/13. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''Ronnie Mund Reads the Classics'' commercial parody, a subliminal breast enlargement recording clip, Cheap Trick performing ''I Want You to Want Me'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show saying good morning to everyone in the studio and everyone listening. Howard said he was reading the newspaper this morning and reading about the guy who won the $338 million in the lottery. Howard said he was reading about the guy and he shouldn't have been playing the lottery. He said that's the last thing he should have been doing. Robin said according to Howard he never should have become anything. Howard said he can become whatever he wants but he has 5 kids and he lives in New Jersey. He said he's not sure what town it was but he should get the hell out of there.
Howard read about how the guy had about 10 liens against him and he was buying lottery tickets every day. Howard said the town was Passaic, New Jersey. Howard said the whole family is celebrating now. He said the guy is an immigrant and he's claimed the prize. Howard read the article about the guy and they were talking about how he has been struggling with debt for years. Howard said when you struggle with debt you don't buy lottery tickets. Howard said this guy was thanking god for winning. Howard said god didn't tell him to have 5 kids, did he?
Robin said this guy had a problem before this. She said with just one child he'd be in debt. Howard read more of the article and they said he opened up his own bodega. Robin asked how he did that. Howard said he doesn't know. The guy's 23 year old son runs it. Howard said the guy doesn't sell the tickets in his own store so he'd buy them at this liquor store. Howard said officials said he hasn't decided how to spend the money yet. He said he's going to help his family and the community. Howard said he sees that money going out the window quick. Robin said he's the kind of guy who should take the long term payout.
Howard read about how the guy found out he won and how excited the family was. Howard read about the family and the extended family that will probably get money out of this.
Howard said he had 10 liens valued at over 25,000. Howard said he's happy for the guy but then you read about how they're buying lottery tickets on top of the other problems they have. Robin said you can't tax those people so you start a lottery and get the money from them that way.
Gary's Appearance. 03/26/13. 6:10am
Howard said he was reading about this art exhibit where this actress Tilda Swinton sleeps and lets people watch her. Howard said Gary has done that at the office so he's an art exhibit.
Howard said Gary said that he has pieces of vinyl when he was on Jimmy Fallon's show. Howard said Gary got on the Wrap Up Show and said he was being mean to him about that appearance. Howard said he had a shirt on that made him look fat. He said Gary is heavy. Gary said Howard says he doesn't care about his appearance but then he spends time talking about how bad he looks.
Howard said Ronnie is busy in Jamaica doing his block party and Gary is on Jimmy Fallon so he has to keep an eye on them. He said he doesn't care about these things but he has to watch. He said he knows the audience is going to say something about it. Howard said he has to watch some stuff because it's part of Pop Culture. Howard said he has to comment on it. Howard said Gary is a good conversationalist but he had a wrinkled shirt and he looked slovenly. Gary said he looked average. Howard said he looked heavy. Gary said he didn't wear a jacket and he thought he looked normal.
Howard said he thought Gary's conversation was very good. He said he had some good stories he told with Jimmy. He said Gary was talking about his pieces of vinyl and he thought he was losing the audience after that. He said even Jimmy Fallon checked out. Gary asked what he's talking about. Howard said that's what he felt. Howard said Gary looked slovenly. Gary said that's his opinion.
Robin asked how Howard was mean to him. Gary asked her if she thinks that he gave him a good review. Robin laughed and said it was a good review. Howard said he was talking about pieces of vinyl and no one cares. He said he should call them records and not ''pieces'' of vinyl. Howard said Questlove said he had 70,000 pieces of vinyl when Gary asked about it. Howard said that guy never has anything to say.
Howard said Gary looks great today. He said that's what he should have worn on Fallon. Howard said the audience was asking him about it on Twitter so that's why he commented on it. He said he's not looking to get on him. Gary laughed. Howard said he only said 3 things negative. He said the positive was that story he told about getting guests at NBC. He said he told that story well. He said Gary screwed up not knowing how to walk to the couch. He said he looked slovenly and told the boring story about the vinyl. Howard said that's not overwhelmingly negative. Gary said Howard is a funny man. Howard said he could improve on his clothing choices. He said he doesn't see it as overwhelmingly negative.
Howard said Gary going on Jimmy Kimmel and throwing that baseball was being overwhelmingly negative. He said he laid off of Gary about that. He said he thinks Gary will start calling records ''records'' eventually. Gary said this is a ridiculous thing. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody so Gary couldn't even speak. Gary said he wasn't able to hear Robin speaking when she asked a question over the song. Fred said the song was by Psych.
Robin asked Gary if he had a positive experience on the show. Gary said it was positive. Howard asked Gary how many pieces of clothing he has. He said that whole ''pieces'' thing was ridiculous. He said no one calls them pieces of vinyl. Gary said that is not an unheard of expression. He said if Howard hasn't heard it then no one has ever said it. Howard said he has never heard anyone refer to it like that. Howard asked Gary when he started doing that. Gary said it was probably years ago. Howard asked when he heard the term. Gary said he doesn't have an answer for that. Howard said somewhere along the line Gary heard it. Gary said he did but he doesn't know when. He said people called the Wrap Up Show and said they have heard the term too. They played another Baba Booey song parody by Little Mikey over Gary.
Howard said he really wasn't goofing on him this morning. He said he really wanted to know where the ''pieces of vinyl'' expression came from. Fred said he's never heard the term either. He said that he it could be pieces of vinyl flooring he's talking about. He said it sounds pretentious to him. Gary said he'll take that from Fred.
Howard asked what his favorite piece of vinyl is. Gary said it's 50 Ways to Rank Your Mother. Howard said he's just being sarcastic now. Gary asked if he really is. He said he's just telling him what his favorite is.
Gary asked if that's the only line he got out of the Fallon appearance. Howard said that's not it. Howard asked if he refers to his teeth as ''Pieces of ivory.'' Howard congratulated him on the appearance. He said it was funny how he couldn't find his chair.
Howard said Gary didn't look so good on the show. He said he never called him a piece of shit. He said he just said he looked heavy to him in that shirt. Gary said he was trying to make the point that he got on twitter the next day and of the many critiques he got none of them were about his weight. Howard said he won't listen to anybody. Robin said maybe they'll have to have this analyzed. She said Howard is trying to help. Gary thanked her for that.
Howard said Gary is used to being next to Jon Hein who is the size of an elephant. Fred said Gary is like Bradley Cooper. Gary said he's of average weight. Howard said he looks overweight in that shirt. Howard laughed when he saw a picture of Jon Hein's shirt. Gary said they went to a place where it was 104 degrees inside and no air conditioning. Howard said no one is looking out for those two. Howard said they must not have had time to change shirts.
Howard said the boys went out and asked people on the street if Jon and Gary had faces for TV. Howard has played that clip before. The people were saying they had no business being on TV. One guy called Jon an ugly motherfucker.
Howard said they should have edited that shot of Jon's sweaty shirt out of the show. Howard said he heard Jon was upset he wasn't invited to Fallon. Gary said he was bummed. Gary said they do the show together so he understands. Howard said Jon is a superstar. Howard asked if it caused a rift between them. Gary said he called Jon before going and he thought it was best for the show. Howard said Jon isn't an asshole.
Howard said Jon has to lose weight. He said Jon doesn't care when he tells him that. He said he just agrees. Howard said he has to lose a couple of pounds himself. He said he's harder on himself than Gary would ever be. Howard said that shirt made Gary look heavy. He said he's not the only person who said it.
Howard said he is a little loose and he has to tighten up. Gary said he thinks Howard looks good. Howard said he has to show him his belly and he'll see. Gary said Howard doesn't take well to someone saying something about him when the media has a comment about him. Howard said that's because it's usually not true.
Howard said he's hoping that Gary's show is canceled. He said he doesn't need him doing other shows. He needs a producer there working. Howard said any time he's working on that show he's not working there. Gary said they shot on vacation and on weekends. Howard said he would rather have a full time producer who spends time with his family on his vacation and weekends. Gary said that's what Howard wants. He said he would like to do what he wants on his own time. Howard said he can do that. He said he didn't tell him not to do the show. He said he would just prefer that he not do it. He said if he wants to work he should be working on this show. Howard asked if that's too much to say. Gary said no. Howard said Gary walks out of there so defeated.
Ronnie's Block Party In Jamaica. 03/26/13. 6:30am
Howard said everyone on the show has these projects. He said he turned on the news yesterday and he heard about Lisa G's book on every newscast. He asked if they have anyone there who just does the show. Howard said Ronnie was in Jamaica with is block party with Beetlejuice. Howard said Ronnie was with him at AGT and then he had to jet off to Jamaica. Howard said Ronnie's girlfriend was running the block party while Ronnie wasn't there. Howard said he hates these fucking projects everyone has. Howard said Ronnie's girlfriend was in charge and reading poems while he wasn't there. Howard played some audio of that.
Ronnie came in and said they had the block party from Thursday to Sunday. He said Stephanie went down with a bunch of other people and they were doing the shows while he wasn't there. He said this was his promoter's idea. Howard asked when the block party is over. Ronnie said they're booked through December. Howard said he's done with this. Howard said they don't need to be doing this. Ronnie said he's just hosting with JD. Howard said he doesn't want his name associated with the show. Ronnie said it's not. Howard said he knows, it's the Ronnie Mund Block Party.
Howard said there's a reason he doesn't put these kind of shows together himself. He said he doesn't want his name associated with it. Ronnie said he's done by the end of the year then. Howard said he gave Ronnie a job there and he still has to go out and do this. He said he has a side freak show on the side. He said the show is the thing, not the Ronnie block party. Howard said JD didn't get any sleep on Sunday night because of this. Ronnie asked how he didn't get any sleep. Howard said he thinks he went straight to work from the block party. He said he needs people bright and bushy for work. Ronnie said he was ready.
Howard played some audio of Stephanie reading a poem up on stage. Ronnie said people loved it and they had a blast. Howard said that's because they're hanging out with people from the Howard Stern radio show. Howard said he doesn't want to be responsible for this. Howard said he wants nothing to do with the show. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. Howard said the people who work under Ronnie could go out and start their own shows and then it reflects on Ronnie. Howard said he doesn't want anything to do with this. He said he doesn't want to hear about the Ronnie Block Party. He said it's crazy.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she doesn't know how this all started and she's not sure how it became that big. Howard said Shuli has stand-up and he always did. Ronnie said he was always with a group of people. Howard said that all fell apart and then they latched on to this block party thing. Ronnie said it was Scott the Engineer's idea.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said they have to stop the block party. Ronnie said they should stop his shit show because no one listens to that. Ronnie said it's done and he's over. King asked why he doesn't just sit home. He said he doesn't have to be involved with this. Ronnie told him to mind his own business. Ronnie said King is a friggin weirdo. Gary said King asked to be on the block party. Ronnie said he heard he begged to be on the block party. King said he never begged for anything. Ronnie said he begged his daddy for money. Howard let him go and got back to the tape. Ronnie said he had to go let the guests in.
Howard played the audio of Stephanie reading a poem and she fucked up a line so she had to start over. Howard said she has the same kind of cursing that Ronnie has. She was reading this poem about Ronnie and kept fucking up lines. Howard said he's suddenly missing Ronnie's poem ''Winter.''
Howard said maybe he should stop all of the promotion. He said that they do so much promotion for the block party, Lisa's book and Gary's TV show. Howard said he's suddenly not angry at Benjy. He said he's suddenly the model employee.
Howard said he blames himself. He said he never says no to anyone. Howard said Letterman's people never do anything like this. He said they can't even get to Dave to ask. Howard said everyone around there has access to him there and he says yes to them. He said he can't say no. Howard said Shuli going out and doing stand-up on his own is fine but the whole promotion thing has to stop. He said he's going to stop it all. He said it's just too much. Howard said no one does this to David Letterman. He said he needs a Rob Burnett kind of guy to say no to people.
Gary said Rob is off doing TV shows and movies. Howard said he knows but he's not on Letterman promoting it. He said Dave doesn't have him on as a guest either. Howard said Dave didn't even show up at the premiere. Howard said Dave didn't like it.
Howard said his airwaves are cluttered with projects. Robin said it's always been that way. Howard said he'd changing it today. He said he shouldn't have to make the rule though. He said Gary should be cleaning all of this shit up. He said that's the producer's job. Howard said he has a new project for everyone and it's called The Howard Stern Show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Gary sounds pretentious and he doesn't call his CD collection ''600 pieces of plastic.'' He said he has 496 individual files on his iPod. The guy asked Robin to come back to the studio too. Howard said she will as soon as she can.
Howard said he has so much to talk about today. He said he has to talk about pieces of vinyl instead. Robin said that the whole pieces of vinyl is so pretentious. Gary said if they want to get pretentious then maybe they should get Vegucated. Robin just laughed.
Howard said they have a guy coming in who was a gay porn star and he's no longer gay. Robin said she wants to hear that one. Howard said Omarosa stopping by today too. He said her name in a way Robin didn't think was correct so she told Howard how to say it. Howard went to break a short time later.
Ryan The Wacky Intern. 3/22/01. 8:05am
Howard heard that there was an intern who really wants to meet the WWF's Vince McMahon when he comes in later this morning. He was willing to let Ronnie the Limo Driver throw bagels at him. If Ronnie hit his target, drawn on poster board, while he ran around then he'd have to drink a bottle of ranch dressing or toilet water. This intern, Ryan, came in and told Howard that he's a big fan of Vince's and he would do anything just to talk to the guy. He wanted to hand him the release he has to sign for the E! show or get him his breakfast. Howard thought he was nuts. Some of the other people that work with him think he has ''crazy eyes'' or ''serial killer eyes''. He stares people down and it freaks them out.
Ryan went on to tell Howard that it took him 3 and a half years to become an intern because he kept getting turned down. Gary told him that when they hire someone after they've been turned down that many times it means they literally had no one else to hire.
Stuttering John said that Ryan was going to give Howard some brownies laced with laxatives for his birthday. He thought Howard could use them to play tricks on his friends or something. He said he's done that to his friends before and it really pissed them off.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Ryan got him a bagel the other day. Ronnie told him not to spit on it when he went down to get it. When he came back Ryan had written ''Diet Phlegm'' on the wax paper and it leaked through. Ryan went to get him another one but when he got back Ronnie threw it against the wall. That's when Ryan got the idea to have Ronnie throw bagels at a target.
Ronnie ended up trying to hit Ryan's target with the bagels but just hit him in the head and the nuts. Howard told Ryan he could come back in to meet Vince later on. Ryan just vanished from the studio.
KC Gets Laid In Florida. 04/19/04. 8:15am
Howard's buddy Pat was on the phone to talk to him about the party they went to on Saturday night. Pat said he went to the after party that Howard skipped. He told Howard that he missed Stevie Wonder, Donna Summer and Ashford and Simpson performing Beatles songs for about an hour and a half. He said it was great and he missed out on it. Howard wished he hadn't told him that because he loves The Beatles. Pat said it was unbelievable. Pat told him that there were only about 25 or 30 people there at the apartment watching this happen. Howard just can't stay up late anymore and there was no way to stay out that long.
Howard got back to John the Stutterer who is trying out for Stuttering John's job. He played the audio clip where they give some history about John and some examples of his stuttering. He then played the clip of John getting into a fight with a caller earlier in the morning. The caller kept asking John what was wrong with him. John was trying to find out what he wanted to talk to Howard about but he didn't have anything interesting to say. John told him he sucks and then invited him down to fight him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him that he has a girl for the butterface contest. He just wanted to leave his name and number so they could get back to him. A couple of phone callers were too boring for Howard so he had to hang up on them.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Howard that KC was making out with some blond chick back stage at a comedy club down in Florida. He said he then brought her back to his hotel room down there as well. KC came in and said he did meet a nice girl down there. He told High Pitch that he shouldn't talk about stuff like that but he's an open book so it's okay.
KC told Howard that he met this really cute blond and hooked up with her. He took her back to his room and said he did go all the way with her. He said he'd see her again if she didn't live so far away. She was a friend of a friend and it was great. KC talked about how women at that age are just tight and unlike older women who just ''lose it'' as they age. KC said he told the girl that he doesn't have any strings attached to anyone else at this point. He had been going out with a woman who turned out to be a liar. Howard asked him about that and why she was a liar. KC tried to explain to Howard how he can tell what a girl's motives are. He said that she wouldn't back up her motives with her actions. He was being very vague about it all.
KC said that there are two types of women out there. There's one type that will go to a masseuse and get a massage just to get a massage. Then there's one type who will go to a male masseuse just because they want to be touched by another man. He was also saying that a woman should go to a female gynecologist, not a male. Howard thought he was putting him on about all of that stuff but he was serious. Gary came in and said that he's not making this stuff up because he's had conversations with him about this stuff. He said his wife is actually scared of him when she hears him talking like that.
Howard agreed with KC about the male masseuse thing. He said he would probably break up with a woman if she went to a male masseuse. Both he and KC seem to think that the woman just wants to be touched by another dude if they go to a male masseuse. Robin wanted to find out if KC's mother went to a male Gynecologist. She thinks that she probably did. KC said it would be too tough to get a hold of her at work though so they couldn't make the call.
Howard spoke to KC for a couple of minutes and then said there's no way that if his brain were in Artie's body, he'd ever get laid. Howard said he would love to have a reality show where they take someone like KC and implant his brain into someone like Artie's body to see if they could get laid.
Gary and Howard asked KC what he and this hot chick talked about that night at the comedy show. KC said they were talking about their old relationships and stuff like that. He said he was just trying to get to know this chick and he wasn't even planning on banging her. Ralph had called in to talk about how lame KC is when it comes to stuff like that. He said he would never talk to a chick about his past relationships. KC said they were just sharing stories about the way they had been treated in the past. KC said they both think that they should be treated with respect.
KC said he was at the ''top of his game'' the night he banged this chick. He claims he went 30-40 minutes with her. Howard said that chick's don't dig that though. KC said they dig it if you do it right. He was trying to explain to Howard what he does but the delay got hit a few times. He said something about finding a position that doesn't feel that good to a guy. Ralph and Howard wondered why a guy would want to go that long. Howard seems to think it's because he might be gay that helps him last 40 minutes.
KC ended up falling asleep out in the sun yesterday and got yelled at by Tom Chiusano who went through skin cancer treatments a few years ago. Howard told him he really should listen to the guy because he knows someone who had some skin cancer removed from his face and it's a really painful process. KC said he's going to live life and doesn't really care about that stuff.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about how hot his girlfriend is at the age of 31. The guys seem to think that she'll be good looking for quite a while longer.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that the reason KC could last so long is because he's not emotionally involved with the girl. KC said that he was thinking about how hot she is and how she was making noise. Dominic said he had a client one time and she was married to a gay guy who was the best she ever had in bed. KC said that he thinks about how good sex can be for working out your abs. The rest of the guys said they've never even thought about something like that. Howard told KC that when he has a woman, even if he's pleasured himself shortly before she comes over, he still only lasts for a short time. He doesn't understand how KC could last so long with a chick. They spent a couple more minutes on that before Howard had to take another commercial break.
WWF's Vince McMahon Comes In. 3/22/01. 8:50am
Vince McMahon, head of the WWF and XFL football league, came in this morning to promote the 17th WWF Wrestlemania Pay-per-view event that's happening on April 1st at 8pm.
Howard first asked Vince about all of the money he's worth. He thinks that Vince is a billionaire but Vince told him he doesn't know what he's worth. His father left him the WWF franchise about 15 years ago and it has taken off since then. Robin called him the Donald Trump of wrestling. Vince said that if his father knew that he was going to go national with the series he probably wouldn't have gotten it. Howard also heard that Vince doesn't talk to his mother because she allegedly molested him as a child. Vince said he inferred that in an interview. He never said that she actually molested him. He didn't want to talk about it anymore than that either.
Howard moved on to talk about the XFL which Vince started this year. The league has been floundering in the ratings but Howard thinks he has a solution that would make it huge. He told Vince that he would take all of the players and cheerleaders and put them in a village. Then they'd shoot it kind of like ''Survivor'' and show highlights of dating and the games just like they do with that show. Vince actually said it sounded like a good idea. Howard told him that they should hook up together and do this thing. He told Vince that he could take the idea and run with it if he wants to. Vince is hoping that the series will persevere and take off like wrestling did.
Howard asked Vince what will happen when he passes on. Vince said that the WWF and all of his stuff will be left to his kids. Even his daughter-in-law will get part of the inheritance.
Howard also read that Vince admitted to cheating on his wife in an interview. Vince said that he's been married 28 years and for the past 6 he's been faithful. He said he used to sleep with ''anything that had a skirt''. He said his wife was very angry at him but they still love each other so they stay together.
Howard spent a short time asking Vince about his Bob Costas interview the other night. Vince said that he was kind of let down by Costas who turned the interview into a trial of the WWF.
Vince said that he doesn't get upset when people try to sue him, he just deals with it and moves on.
Howard took a few phone calls from women who wanted to ask Vince for jobs or just kiss his ass a bit. One guy asked Vince if he's going to take over the WCW franchise. Vince said that might happen and if it does then they would have the two leagues wrestle each other sometimes.
Howard started letting in some of the nuts who showed up at the station come in to meet Vince. There were two guys who asked a couple of wrestling questions and one of the guys showed Howard his two assholes. I didn't catch the reason for the two holes though.
Ryan, who was on earlier, came in and asked a bunch of dopey questions about whether or not he could work for the WWF. There was an ex-intern by the name of Siobhan who came in and kissed Vince's ass a bit.
Extreme fan Bobo, his two kids and a friend also came in. They all watch the WWF together and wanted to meet Vince. Howard goofed on Bobo's toupee and let them ask a couple of questions before moving on to the next group.
Up next were Brandi and Bonnie-Jill who were on earlier in the week. They are, or were, XFL cheerleaders who had complaints about their jobs. They came in and told Vince about the problems they had. Vince told them that they should hang in there and just wait a while for things to get better. Then they told him they got fired already. Whoops! Too late. Gary said that they're more interesting now and he'd be more interested in watching the show now that they're controversial.
Howard let a couple more guys come in to meet Vince before wrapping up the interview. One guy said he wanted to be a wrestler but Howard told him there's no way he could be. He wasn't built for it. Howard wrapped up the interview and plugged the WWF Wrestlemania event. Visit Wrestlemania.com to get more info on the pay-per-view event.
Ken Jennings Plays Win Fred's Money. 12/05/12. 8:35am
After the break Howard came back and had Ken Jennings come in. Ken won over $2 million on Jeopardy. Howard said that he's genius. Howard said his father worships him. Ken said that's what everyone tells him. They say that their grandmothers love him.
Howard said that you have to know how to use the buzzer on Jeopardy. Ken said it's tough to get it right. Howard said Gary has done Celebrity Jeopardy and he's told them how it works. Ken said that you can get locked out for a fraction of a second if you buzz in too early.
Howard said Ken actually won $3.1 million on Jeopardy. Ken said it's something like that. Howard asked if he had a high IQ. Ken said he was raised in the 80s so he knew a lot of Trivial Pursuit kind of questions. He said he grew up in Korea watching Jeopardy. Howard said Fred was kind of isolated as a kid too. He said Fred would read encyclopedias. Howard said that he was consumed with that stuff. Ken said he did the same kind of things as a kid. Howard asked if he was accused of being a nerd for doing that. Ken said he feels like he avoided that kind of stuff. He said he will go on sports talk shows and they call him a nerd. He said that whole thing has kind of ended.
Howard asked if he ate dog over in Korea. Ken said he did once. He said that they do have restaurants just for dog. He said they have the dogs tied up out front and that's what they do over there. Howard asked if it tastes like chicken. Ken said it's really just not good. He said even if you don't know what it is it's not good.
Howard asked if they have pets over in Korea. He said they do have dogs as pets. He said they have dogs that are for eating and some that are pets. Howard said his wife is doing a show where they do pet stories and they went to a place where they have pig pets but the people also eat bacon.
Howard asked Ken about playing Jeopardy and losing in a tournament. He asked if he was shocked by that. Ken said there are a lot of really great players out there. Howard said he got reinvigorated when Ken was doing so well. Ken said that there was a guy who was better than him and he lost to that guy.
Howard asked if Alex Trebeck is really disconnected from the show. Ken said that he's not allowed to talk to the contestants at all. He said they don't want any games rigged because of what went on in the 1950s.
Howard asked Ken where he went to school. He said that he went to University of Washington and Brigham Young. Ken said he is Mormon. Howard asked if he wore his magic underwear on Jeopardy. Ken said that underwear is no different than a Jewish person wearing a yarmulke or something.
Howard asked Ken if he has invested this money into anything. Ken said he has invested it but some of it has gone away with the economy the way it is. He said his investments are pretty boring.
Howard asked Ken if he can parlay this into another game show or anything. Howard said that he will give him $5,000 if he can beat Fred today. Howard said he doesn't think Fred stands a chance against him today. Ken said he hears Fred win almost every time he plays.
Howard said he thinks that Ken goes beyond trivia. Howard said he's doing history and geology and things like that. Howard said he seems to be more than just trivia. Ken said that you end up knowing just a little bit about a lot of things. Robin said that on Jeopardy you only buzz in on things you know the answers for. Robin said this game is different.
Howard said the rumor is that they'll put women through faster on Jeopardy than they do with men. Ken said they want a woman on each show so they may do that.
Ken said that he went on Jeopardy and got his ass kicked by the IBM computer. Robin said Fred is like a computer. Fred said he doesn't think he has a snowballs chance in hell to beat him. Howard asked Will to put Fred in the isolation booth first. Howard said they'll let Ken go first.
Howard said he has 7 questions and Fred has not seen them. Howard said that they're general knowledge questions. Howard said he has to answer as many as he can and they time it. Howard had Ken move over to the podium. He asked him about his new book ''Because I Said So!: The Truth Behind the Myths, Tales, and Warnings Every Generation Passes Down to Its Kids'' and spent a minute talking about that. He said you can also check out his web site at Ken-Jennings.com. Howard found out that Ken is a fan of George Takei's so he let them talk for a minute.
Howard got to the game and asked his 7 questions. Here are the questions:
Ken ended up getting 2 wrong in 36 seconds. Howard had Fred come in and do the same. Fred came in and tied on the time and the number of right answers. Howard said he's not sure what to do. Fred and Ken both got the NFL question wrong. Fred got the first question wrong. Ken called Fred out on the second question because Fred said ''silicone'' instead of silica.
Howard said they have to have a tie breaker. Gary said he thinks that they need to go to a sports clock with hundreds of a second. Gary said there are tie breaker questions there. Howard said they should just give Ken the money. Howard asked how brilliant Fred is. Ken said he's great. He said he should be on Jeopardy. Robin said they've told him to do that before. Fred said they haven't asked him to do it. Howard said he has to go and apply.
Howard asked the guys to write down their answers for this tie breaker. Howard asked ''On what ship did Charles Darwin serve as a naturalist during a 5 year voyage in the 1830s?'' Fred and Ken both said it was the HMS Beagle. They were right. Howard said Fred is impressive. Fred said that whoever picked that one knew that Ken eats dogs.
Howard asked another tie breaker question. Robin suggested leaving it at a tie and have a rematch in the future. Gary suggested doing another 7 question game. Howard said he was going to go with Gary's idea to get 7 more questions. He read a live commercial and then went to break.
Win Fred's Money - Round 2. 12/05/12. 9:00am
After the break Howard came back and gave Ken another plug for his book and web site. Howard asked Ken if he has a lot of people show up at his book signings. Ken said they're mostly 80 year old women who are Jeopardy groupies. He said that's still cool though. Howard asked Ken if it's true that Harry Reid approached him about running for congress. Ken said he was approached. Howard asked if he was a hero in Utah. Ken said there were fans there but he doesn't think that he could have won as a democrat in Congress.
Howard said this is crazy. Ken is there and he just tied with Fred in the first round of Win Fred's Money. Howard said he's playing for 5 grand today. Howard said they both got 5 out of 7 right and they played a bonus round and they tied up again. Howard said they're back to another 7 questions. Ken said they're going to do this another 75 times.
Howard got to the questions a short time later. They started with Ken again. Here are the questions:
Ken ended up getting a 3 wrong in that one. Howard said he won't tell Fred how he did. Howard asked Fred the same questions and Fred came in with 4 wrong and Ken had only 3. Ken ended up winning. Howard spent a minute talking to Ken about his win and how fast he's able to come up with those answers. Howard went over the questions and which ones Fred got wrong. Howard got in some plugs for Ken's book and for DontBeBroke.com who sponsored this contest. They spent a little more time with Ken asking him about some of the stuff in there that he debunks. They went to break a short time later.
Joan Rivers Plastic Surgery Intervention. 10/4/01. 8:15am
Joan Rivers came in this morning to talk to Howard. Howard said she told someone that she doesn't want to talk about the E! thing and how she's not doing her Emmy preview this year. Howard said they'd have to talk to her about something else. Howard and Robin both spoke to Joan about her plastic surgery for a couple of minutes. Howard said that some people think she's had too much surgery lately but Howard thinks she looks good. Robin said that she looks great but she's not ''Joan Rivers'' anymore. Joan swears that she hasn't had any work done since she was on Howard's show last time. It sounded like Robin didn't quite believe her though. Robin said it looks like she's had cheek implants or something. Joan explained her different look by saying that she and her old boyfriend finally broke up after 10 years. She said that was a big relief for her and that's why she looks so different. She also lost her dog Spike who died a few weeks ago.
Howard spoke to Joan about who she's dating now and how she's doing with that. She talked about that a little bit but she didn't want to say who she was dating. She did say that the guy is younger than she is. She said he's an investment banker who's 49 years old.
Since some people seem to think that Joan has had too much plastic surgery Howard had sort of an intervention with a plastic surgeon who was going to try and get Joan to stop with the surgery. The plastic surgeon came in and said that sometimes a person can have too much surgery and that would raise a red flag for that person. He said that he and some of his colleagues have come up with a plan where they would raise a red flag for these people so they could stop them from getting more surgery. Joan doesn't want to hear any of this stuff because she believes in plastic surgery and how it makes her feel. Howard let the guy talk to Joan for a couple of minutes but he ended up moving on to phone calls. One woman called in and yelled at Joan about wearing fur and how horrible that is. Joan got really pissed and yelled right back at the woman but she wasn't listening to what she had to say. Joan thinks that those people are nuts and have no right to yell at her for something she enjoys. Howard wrapped things up and said that Joan will be appearing on QVC all this week to sell her stuff. She'll also be on Politically Incorrect sometime in the near future.
Mom Catches Two Sons Masturbating. 06/06/12. 8:45am
Howard said he has some things to give away and more stuff to get to. He took a call from a woman who said she ended up seeing her son masturbating. She said that the 14 year old was doing it and then she found her 12 year old doing it. Howard asked which one was bigger. She said she didn't see that. She said that they had their pants around their hips which she found weird. Howard said that's what he does. Robin asked if they knew they got caught. The caller, Christie, said that they did. She said that she had to borrow the laptop from the kid and she just said she was sorry for intruding. Howard said that's the right thing to do. She said she wanted to pretend it didn't happen but the 12 year old freaked her out. Howard said he had porn at 12. The woman said she'd be okay with Playboy or still pictures but porn video is creepy.
Howard said when he was 12 he had to learn how to jerk off. He said that he would have jerked off like 8-12 times a day if he had porn like they do today. Howard said he heard that Pete jerks off like 8-12 times a day. He said that's one thing he learned on Fine Time.
Howard said he thinks porn would have helped him out with girls when he was growing up. He said he may not have been so desperate when he was young if he had porn. He said that he doesn't think that jerking off desensitizes them or anything like that. Christie said she did go off on the 12 year old and she put a lock on the iPad. She said that she was upset with him looking at that and not with what he was doing.
Howard played a clip from an old educational film where they talk about masturbation. Howard asked the woman if she did any of this. She said she didn't. She said she just walked out of the room. Howard played more of the tape to see what she should have done. The mom in that film tells her son that she was sorry and she will knock from now on.
Howard said he's not sure what he would have done. Howard played the educational film over and over and went through the whole thing with Christie. They were having fun goofing around with that for a few minutes. Howard said he wishes his mom had apologized to him over anything. Howard said his mother used to tell him that his room was her room. He said she would tell him that he was her ambassador to the earth and he had to carry himself every day as her representative. Howard said she wouldn't let him get an earring because his ear was her ear.
Christie said they're going to get some walls put in for her son's room. She said that they have him by the laundry room so they want to give him some privacy. Howard said that she has to sit down and talk to her son like they do in this film. Howard said she might have to sit down with him and do that. The woman said she cold never do that. Gary said he just found out that this tape he's playing was made for parents of retarded kids. Howard said that this is something that every parent has to go through though.
Christie said that her husband isn't going to do anything either. Howard said he's probably in the bathroom jerking off. Howard said he would just follow the script and do it like they do in the clip. Howard told her how he'd do it. He played another clip of a guy reading his lines. They had inserted clips of Wood Yi reading some lines in response to the father's questions about his wet dream.
Howard told Christie that he was going to tell the kids that he's going to announce their names on the radio if they don't stop doing it. He had Christie cracking up. Howard said he's going to give the boys Jenny McCarthy's phone number and leave it at that.
Howard said if she wants him to talk to the boys he'll do it. He told her to just call in and let him know. Howard said he's just going to take his cues from the tape and let them know what he learned. Howard said if he's going to talk to the kids he should learn more about the sex ed tapes. He played another clip where a teacher was in a sex ed class asking for different names for a penis. The teacher was writing them all out on the chalk board. Howard said it's not that bad that they were watching porn. He said there is nothing shameful or harmful about it. He said that Christie will be more careful about interrupting.
Howard said his mom got him a subscription to Playboy when he was 13. He said that his mom wasn't uptight about the human body. He said she did ruin it by saying that those girls were freaks and no women look like that. She told him that real women look like her and his sister. Howard said he told her he was going to look for a freak.
Christie said that the stuff on the web is pretty hard core. She said when she was a kid they had nothing like that. Howard wished her luck with the boys and told her that he's there if she needs him.
Howard said he has tickets to see Roger Waters at Yankee Stadium but she's not in the area. She was in Grand Rapids. Howard said he'll give the tickets to someone else.
Howard said his dad told him he had to jerk off to Lysol ads when he was young. Howard said he has to go to break but he has Bobo on the phone. He's been on since 6. Bobo said that his favorite was Honey West. He also told Howard that AGT is amazing. He asked Howard when the people try out he'd like to know what the process is. He asked if they leave some of them in as a goof. Howard said the producers may do that. He said that they narrow them down to 48 eventually. Robin said it is fun to see people who think they have talent but really don't.
Bobo asked Robin if she's really going to be okay. Bobo said she didn't have to answer. Robin said she won't answer then. Bobo asked if she's going to be okay. Robin said she's going to be okay. Howard let Bobo go. Howard said it's like Robin is god like she's going to know if she's going to be okay. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.
Will said Howard thinks collecting vinyl is retarded to begin with. He said when those things collide then it turns into that.
The guys were talking about how Howard thinks collecting anything is a waste of time. Sal said Howard used to collect bones though. Jon said that Howard sees a lot of those hobbies as something that you could be using that time for something else. He said Howard thinks they should be spending their time on something at work instead.
Benjy said Gary is a pretty prepared person. He asked if they think he thought about using that term on Fallon. Sal said he thinks he did think about it. He said he probably thought about it on the plane ride. Jon pointed out that he didn't have to fly to do Fallon since he's there in New York.
Sal said Gary used to use the word ''dark'' when the show was off too. He said he likes using phrases like that. Will said he thought Gary said it in the wrong way and he was trying to back track. Sal said they asked record shops in the city and they were saying they don't use that term. Jon said maybe back in the day they used that term. Benjy asked if it was a common use for it. Jon said he really doesn't know. He said he can see why Howard would bust his balls over it though.
Jon asked Sal if he's ever used a term like that and got his balls busted over it. Sal said he did at some event they were at. He said that he thought he was going to get praise the next show and it turned into Howard bashing him. He said he turned out to be the biggest shit head of the day. Sal said you can't win against Howard. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Vince used to be an announcer and then he became a wrestler. Sal said it was like Bill Bixby turning into the Incredible Hulk. He said he got huge. Will said he wonders how he did that. Sal said he started working out of course. He said he must have had protein shakes... and his balls got tiny.
Jon asked Will if he watched wrestling as a kid. Will said he watched it in college. He said that's when he got into it. Will said he didn't watch it as a family thing. Sal said he used to go to his Grandpa's house and watch wrestling. He said his grandmother would put her hands over her eyes when they'd wrestle. He said she'd look out one eye asking them to change the channel. He said his grandmother really thought it was real.
Jon asked if his grandmother was allowed to watch. Sal said she was but she wasn't allowed to watch the Yankee games. He said his grandfather must have thought she was a jinx or something. He said he would yell at her to shut up when she was asking them to change the channel.
Jon asked if his dad thought it was real. Sal said they never discussed it. Sal said he never went to a match with his dad. He said his dad never went but he had one of the pizza guys take him. Sal said he was introduced to jungle juice back then. He said it was in a big Tupperware kind of container and it was full of all kinds of booze. Sal said he got in the back of the van and drank that stuff. He said he got to see Captain Lou Albano fight. He said he got dizzy and threw up from drinking. He said he ended up leaving early. Sal said they were smoking in the car too so that might have made him sick.
Sal said that was the only live wrestling experience. He said he never went again. Sal said his dad did let him leave work early that day though. He said he doesn't think he wanted him to go.
Jon asked if he ever pretended to be a wrestler. Sal said he did that. He said he pretended to be Tito Santana. He said his cousin would pretend to be another wrestler. Sal said he liked Tito's accent. He said he loved talking like him. Jon said that the villains were the best back then. He said they were fantastic actors. He said they were so bad they were good.
Benjy said that the wrestlers are in much better shape now than they were back then. Sal said it's like porn stars. He said they were fat and out of shape back then. He said now these guys are Adonis like. He said it pisses him off. He said guys look like George Clooney and they have a dick the size of a fire hydrant. He said it pisses him off. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon said the game tied on the number correct and the time. He said they had to do a second round. He said Fred is really quick at the game. He said you have to respect that.
Sal said Fred blows him away. He said that's true genius. He said he doesn't even understand half the questions himself. He said Fred can seem to take in an infinite amount of information. He said he has no idea how he does it.
Jon asked if Fred is proud of it. Benjy said he would think so. Will said he's hard to read that way. Will said Fred can write a lot of stuff and very quickly. He said he's amazing in that sense. Jon said that he's got a lot of great stuff and he has this level of knowledge. Jon said he has a home field advantage and that's why it's so surprising when he loses. He said 95 percent of the time he's going to win.
Jon said to know such a wide variety of stuff is amazing. He said Fred is a super bright guy. He said he thinks Will would do very well at that. Will said he was just going to say the same thing about Jon. He said they should do a staff version of the game. Sal said they could do an exam type of thing with the whole staff. Jon said he'd be interested in a tournament amongst them. He said maybe the winner of that could take on Fred.
Jon asked Benjy how he thinks he'd do. Benjy said not very well. He said he thinks that Jon would know more details. Jon said it depends on what it is. Benjy asked if he plays along. Jon said he did as a fan. He said now he's written questions for the games.
Steve said he wants to ask them the Ken Jennings question from Jeopardy. He said this is what he lost on. Steve gave them the answer and it was about a company that only works 4 months a year. Jon Hein was the only one who got it right with H&R Block.
Sal had asked Jon a question about Memphis and Nashville being linked by a highway they call the Music Highway. That led to Will trying to get Sal to think he was wrong about something he said during that question. Jon asked Sal to name a state that neighbors Tennessee. Sal said that Alabama or Mississippi. Sal was going back and forth wondering if Mississippi was a state or a city. He settled on state. He named Georgia as a neighboring state. The guys just let him talk himself out of it and back into it. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:30am.