|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Benjy The Scary Intern. 5/26/98. 8:20am
Howard learned some interesting stuff from Benjy the wacky intern this morning. Howard brought up the fact that Benjy shaved his head bald. Benjy explained that he did it to make it easier to get going in the morning. He doesn't have a shower where he lives. He lives in a business office because he can't afford to rent a real apartment. He showers at some gym he knows of. They brought up a few other strange things that he does. Benjy knows a lot of places where he can get stuff free. Since he doesn't have a TV he knows where to go to watch it. He also knows where to go to use the internet free. Recently when Gary gave him a porno tape to watch he went to the library and watched it! He'll even sink so low as to go to a homeless food line to get a free meal. I guess that's what people are willing to do just so they can work for Howard as an unpaid intern.
The Dumbest Game Ever Created. 5/26/98. 8:25am
There's a new guy working on the show by the name of KC. It turns out that KC has the title of Associate Producer. He was hired to help book guests and write for the show. Well his latest idea turned out to be a nightmare. He came up with a game that's hard to explain but I'll try. KC gave Howard, Jackie, Robin and Fred a questionnaire with a bunch of questions. KC's plan was to read off an answer to a question and have everyone guess who the answer came from. There were some flaws in the game that showed up immediately. The biggest problem was that if the person knew it was their own answer they could win by guessing correctly. KC would read an answer like ''The weirdest place this person ever masturbated in was a public restroom'' and everyone would guess who that person was. It turned out to be Gary. He spanked one off in a restroom after his girlfriend got him all revved up by telling him what she was going to do to him that night. The only good part of this game was finding out some of the strange shit these guys do. The best story came from Jackie. The weirdest place he ever masturbated was on the side of a road with 6 of his buddies! It wasn't just a one time thing either. Jackie explained how he and his buddies would walk to the rich side of town and on their way back they'd just stop on the side of the road and jerk off. One time his aunt caught them doing it! After Jackie's story they played a couple more questions but everyone was sick of it already. Jackie was so bored with it he was reading the newspaper instead of playing. Hopefully this was KC's worst idea and he doesn't come up with anything else this bad.
The Gossip Game With Guest Jack Black. 1/11/02. 7:10am
Actor Jack Black came in to promote the new movie ''Orange County'' which opens today. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jack about some of the movie's he's done like ''Shallow Hal.'' He asked Jack about working with Gwineth Paltrow and whether or not he found her hard to work with. Jack didn't have a problem with her. Howard said he doesn't find her attractive or sexual in any way and it sounded like Jack couldn't believe that.
Howard also spoke to Jack about being an ugly dude and how hard it was to get chicks in high school. Jack said he had a ''dry humping'' session when he was 16 but didn't go all the way until he was 17.
Howard found out Jack made $2 million for each of his last 2 movies which seemed to surprise him. He sounded impressed with that figure and wouldn't get off the subject for a few minutes.
Mike Walker called in to play his Gossip Game. Here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Football Pool Update. 12/2/02. 6:45am
Gary told Howard that he has to talk to John about how he ended up fighting with his mother-in-law over vacation. He was making a toast at their dinner and she interrupted him and said ''You're Drunk!'' in front of the rest of the family. John said stuff like that goes on all the time with her. She apparently told him his dog is too big for the city and stuff like that. John said it's constantly a battle with her. John told Howard about some other stuff that goes on with his mother-in-law. He said he got home on Sunday after doing some comedy gigs out in California and he was pretty worn out. He asked his wife to walk the dog and his mother-in-law told him he should do it. Luckily Suzanna told her to leave him alone because he was tired. Robin was thrilled that this stuff was going on because he's ''trained'' his wife over the years but never worked on her mother. John said this happens every time they're together. This is the same woman who almost caught John pleasuring himself one time. John ended up telling Howard that he's been going to the bathroom in a bottle lately because he doesn't want to walk past his dog. John said the dog wants to go out when he walks past it so he's been pissing in a bottle. He said he went in a Sprite bottle and ended up knocking it over the next morning. During this discussion Artie was doing an impression of what he figured John's mother-in-law sounds like. The guys goofed on John for a while. John said he's been holding off on baptizing his kids in respect to his mother-in-law but now he's thinking of doing it just to piss her off. He said she scammed him and told him that she was going to do this name thing with the kids and it turns out what she did was a Jewish naming ceremony that made them official Jews. John said that the kids are being raised as both Jewish and Catholic but now he's thinking that there's too much Jewish stuff being brought into their lives so he might raise them Catholic.
John told Howard about another fight he had with his mother-in-law when he went over to have dinner one time. He needed to take a shower after a work out but she didn't want him to because dinner was coming soon. Even after the shower the dinner wasn't ready and it turns out she didn't want him to shower because the shower was just cleaned. He said he took his keys and almost left that time.
John asked Fred if he has any of these problems. He said he doesn't have the same problems that John does. He told Howard that he's told his wife that she can raise their new daughter, Tess, Jewish if she wants to. He said he's not a religious guy so he doesn't care either way.
John said his wife and his mother get along most of the time but they have had some conflicts. He said they're able to work things out though. Howard ended up talking about how John can be pretty annoying and he doesn't realize it. Howard said John showered at his place out in the Hamptons while he was staying out there. Howard said his buddy Ralph used to do the same thing to him and he'd tell him to go home to shower because he was only supposed to be there for an hour anyway. Howard had to take another break after this.
Christine Wants A Date With Benjy. 1/14/00. 8:05am
This 23 year old woman Christine came in this morning to go out on a date with Benjy. She told Howard that she saw Benjy on the E! show one night when he was wrestling Jasmin St. Claire. She said he seemed like he'd be a sweet guy from the way he was talking on the show. She was turned off by some of the things he's said about getting hand manipulation from prostitutes but she was willing to look past that today. She told Howard that she likes him also saying that he has a ''strong face''. Jackie said it's so strong it could be used as a hammer. Howard then brought Benjy in to meet Christine who seemed to be very sincere about wanting to meet a nice guy like Benjy. Benjy then came in and immediately started to make himself look like an idiot. The first thing he said was how great her breasts looked. Strike one! He then went on to tell her that he still has a crush on this girl Maryanne and that she's not as hot as her. He also said that he's been told that you should date another woman to make the woman you're really in love with jealous. Strike two! Then he said that he was looking forward to going on the date and spending as much as She could afford. Strike three! Then he asked Christine why she was attracted to him. She told him he seemed like a sweetheart and that he came off as being intelligent. Then he asked her if there was any chance of something(sexual) happening on the date today. Strike four! She didn't seem to react to this stuff too badly.. yet. Then Benjy told her that he doesn't think she's his type for marriage! Strike five! Howard then freaked out and told him to get out of the studio. He blew it big time. He tried to explain it by saying he read a book that said you should try to act disinterested to get a girl. Howard didn't want to hear it so he kicked him out of the studio. Poor Christine had tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't believe how wrong she was about him.
Howard decided to find Christine a date so he took a couple of phone calls from listeners. One guy, Rich, sounded like a nice guy so he set the two of them up for a date today. Rich is a carpenter and he seemed like a nice guy on the phone so Christine agreed to go out with him. They'll probably come back on the show to talk about their date in the future.
After Christine left Benjy came in and said Howard was acting like a dick. He and Howard yelled at each other for a couple of minutes. Howard finally had to kick him out once again.
Mystery Guest. 3-15-96. Howard found out who the mystery guest was so he ran the bit this morning. Fred went first and asked if the guy was in TV, he did some TV but doesn't have his own show. Jackie was next and asked him if he was a sports star. Robin's turn came and she blurted out 'it's John Kennedy Jr.' She said that she recognized his voice because she had watched a biography about him on A&E last night. So anyway, John F. Kennedy Jr. in the studio is pretty awkward for Howard since he always busts on the guy about how he doesn't work. Apparently John wrote a note to Howard saying that he has a good sense of humor and would love to have Howard on the cover of his magazine, George. Howard thought it would be cool and did it. He met John John at the photo shoot. John seemed to be pretty cool with Howard but he won't be showing up on the E! show. He doesn't want anyone to see his face near Howard's I guess. Howard asked which of the other Kennedy's are fans of his. I guess none of them, the subject changed. Near the end of the interview, Howard brought in all of the horny women from the offices at K-Rock. They were all speechless. What the hell is it about this guy?
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 10:20am.
Jon said that Benjy and Will have been to Jackie's parties. He said they always had a crazy time. Jon said that Benjy showed up with his head shaved at the one they talked about today. Benjy said he didn't remember that one. Jon said he showed up looking for free food there. Benjy asked what he means by that. Jon said he apparently didn't have a lot of money at the time. Benjy said he's done that before. He's asked strangers for food and they will give it to you. Will Murray asked if they were scared of him. Benjy said no. He said he did it as fun. Benjy said he doesn't do that as a survival thing.
Will said Benjy was living on the street essentially. Benjy said he lived in a mini storage unit. He said he knew a guy who used his as a work shop. He said his was like a closet and he had to sleep with the door open and his feet out. He said he only did that for a couple of months. Benjy said what he would do is get a lounge chair to sit on outside when he wasn't inside.
Jon said Benjy took a doggy bag home from Jackie's party. He said people were wondering how he could be so fat if he had no money for food. Benjy said you can always find food. He said you can go to a wedding and get free food. He said there are movies being filmed so you can get Craft Services food.
Jon asked how crazy the Jackie parties were. Will said he's never been to one. He said he was an intern the last semester Jackie was there. He said he missed out on them. He said he went to Stuttering John parties and they were pretty crazy.
Benjy said Jackie's parties were pretty crazy and there were people getting drunk and stuff. Jon asked what it's like to see people you work with at a party like that. Will said he remembers seeing Ronnie in shorts and a t-shirt and it's very strange. He said it's like a completely different person. Will said you wonder who that guy is.
Benjy said it's like a MAD magazine drawing of everyone there. He said Will used to get really drunk at the parties. Will said it was a hard transition from the college years to the professional life. He said it took him a while to calm it down a bit but they did.
Jon said he had a similar experience with Ronnie. He said you expect him to be in a suit and then you see him in a tank top and his tattoos are out. He said it's really strange. Jon said you get to spend time with the other guys on the show outside of work and they don't get that at work. Benjy said he feels very on guard around Howard. He said he's had a few real seconds with Howard and it's a little intimidating. Jon asked if he's still intimidated. Benjy said yes and you know how it can be portrayed on the air and you have no control over that.
Will said he talks to Howard a lot there at work. He said he feels a lot of pressure but he's not sure what it is. He said you feel like you have to produce really quickly. He said Howard has even said that he notices that people want to get out of a conversation quickly.
Benjy said there's a lot of joking around during the breaks there and it's very social and comfortable. He said they had a birthday lunch and no one sat with Howard. Jon said you don't want to be that guy who bugs him. Benjy said he would sit next to someone like that if they had no one there. He said you do wonder how it will turn out on the air though.
Jon said Howard used to make it clear he didn't want to be invited to events and now he's lightened up a bit. Jon asked what you do with that. Benjy said Jon invited Howard to his Bat Mitzvah. Jon said Howard thought that he was inviting him just for a gift and that pissed him off. Jon said he wasn't fishing for a gift. He said he thinks that everyone there but Howard came. He said he thinks he was trying to bust his balls but that really hurt his feelings. Jon said he feels that he and Howard have a different relationship. He said he has had conversations outside of this world with him while some people there haven't.
Jon said that Gary loves to talk about everything and he and Howard are on two different sides of the spectrum. Benjy said he wonders how much of that is interest in small talk and how much is intimidation. He said maybe Howard is shy and he doesn't know what to say to people. Jon said Gary loves to talk to anybody. He said he looks forward to meeting and talking to people. Will said Howard has trouble connecting to people like that. He said it's much easier for him to do that on the air.
Jon said a lot of the time someone wants something from Howard. He said you have to be on your defenses if that's how people are going to be. Jon said it can be awkward.
Jon asked Sal if he had a good 4th. Sal said they did but they got rained out. He said they drove around and found some fireworks though. He said they had lots of barbecues and had the Caputos over last night. Sal said things are good with them. Jon asked Sal if they're doing okay. Sal said they're fine. He said they have an investigation going on according to the press but that really doesn't mean anything. He said it's just some guy who does balloon sculpting for a living who is doing this investigation. Jon said they don't know anything about it really.
Jon asked whose barbecue it was. Sal said Larry came over into the afternoon and they took his new car out for a drive. Jon asked if Larry is his Richard at home. Sal said he has a new sports car and they did a little cruising. He said he invited him and his wife over for drinks last night.
Benjy said he agrees that the whole thing was blown up but it has become a big issue. He asked if Sal talks to her about it. Sal said he hasn't. He said if she wants to then he will talk to her about it. He said Larry has talked to him about it a little bit. Sal said he told Larry it just comes with the business. He said that's what people do. They knock people like Oprah, Howard and Larry's wife.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when Howard became the guy who is unapproachable. He asked if it's shtick. Jon said he's really not unapproachable. He said he is very famous and a lot of people want a part of him. He said you can't just walk up and ask how it's going. He said his fame kind of dictates that it's the kind of relationships he's going to have.
The caller asked about how they can't look at Howard in the eye when he's walking down the hall. Jon said it's not like that. He said he goes to his office after the show to get his head together but he talks to people in the hall.
Benjy said Howard has talked about how he used to get on IM and talk to people but not as Howard. Jon said the secret to talking to him is just talk to him as a regular person. Benjy said he thinks Howard likes some adulation. Jon said it may happen in regular conversation. They went to break after that.
Jon said Gary would get his balls busted and he thinks it brought Gary back to being Boy Gary and that's what bothered him about it.
Sal said when he was first hired at K-Rock Gary sat him down and gave him a big hug. He said Gary told him to keep breaking his balls and that showed how much he cares about the show. He said there are some things that just really bother people and you can get to them with that. He said the emotional friend thing doesn't get to him as much as people think. He said Howard can get to him if he tells him to go in the back and just annoy people. Will said he's seen that bum Sal out for a week.
Sal said he used to tuck a Hustler under his arm to go to the bathroom. He said he wasn't going to jerk off. He said he'd go to take a shit and read Hustler. He said he'd spend like 15 minutes in there. Then Ronnie caught him doing it and told Howard. Sal said Howard asked what he was doing. He said he told Howard he didn't want the receptionist to see him and he said she already knew that he was a creep. Sal said that bummed him out.
Jon asked Sal what he reads in the NY Post. Sal said he reads Page Six and a few other things. Jon said he knows it bothers Sal when people say he's stupid. Sal said it does.
Benjy asked Sal if he is worried that people really think he annoys people. Sal said he's there to please Howard. He said that's the most important thing. He said the audience is another thing but pleasing Howard is the main thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he remembers Gary talking a couple of years ago about how he was treated on the show. He said that people on the street would treat him like shit based on what they heard on the show. He said he knows Gary was bothered by that. Sal said he was at a comedy club once and a fan told him that he can speak clearly and put words together. He said the guy was shocked based on what he heard on the show.
Sal said the fans don't know the real you. they know the person they hear on radio. He said when someone insults him based on something they heard he can't fault them. He said that's the double edged sword of the show.
The caller said he wasn't a big Jackie fan but now he's listening to the history and it's amazing how great the stories and ball busting was back then. Jon said Jackie was a very talented writer. He said he had great stories and it made for part of show legend. He said he won't say he was the 5th Beatle but everyone adds to the fabric of the show. He said they miss KC and Artie and a lot of people who have been on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard seems unapproachable because he's so planned out with his calendar. He said that he gets thrown off by that. Jon said that could be part of it. He said he's not saying that he is unapproachable though. He said he thinks Howard is fine with anyone coming up to him and bull shitting with him. Jon said he thinks that a lot of people want something from Howard. He said when he's with them he's not unapproachable. Will said he's got a low tolerance for bullshit. He said he thinks Howard can't comprehend doing a prank for the sake of doing a prank. He said that's just in his DNA and that's just the way he is. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Benjy said he tried something once and it was years ago when Artie was starting. He said they had Planet of the Apes coming back out and Howard had seen it. He said he got an ape mask and put it on and waited for Howard to look at him but it never came up. He said Artie just looked at him weird and it never came up during the whole show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if it annoys them when someone recognizes them on the street. Jon said it doesn't annoy him at all. He said he thinks it's cool. Shuli said it annoys him when people talk to Jon. Jon asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy said he thinks it's fun but he also wonders what they just heard them talking about on the show. Shuli said he was out once and a fan saw him in the store and he had his wife and kid with him. He said the guy asked if he really thought Ronnie was going to suck cock. He said he thanked the guy and moved on.
Will said he doesn't have it happen to him that often. He said he's sure it's more for Sal and Richard. Sal said he thinks any fan that does it is worthy of the time. He said if he's doing something it should have a cut off time. He said he can't do it though. He said he can't cut them off. Shuli said he really doesn't have the ability to do that. He said they'll corner Sal and tell him jokes and Sal will just stand there. Sal said if he gets cornered then he won't leave. He said he feels it's important. He said then there are like 4 other fans there and he feels bad for them. He said he feels bad blowing them off to talk to the other fans. Sal said he hates blowing people off though.
Jon asked Sal if he has people saying they can do a better job than he can. Sal said he has guys come up to him saying ''You're alright but what the fuck is up with Benjy?'' He said he's always defensive. He said these guys think they can write better than Benjy. He said he thinks the guy would walk up to Benjy asking what the fuck is up with Sal. Benjy said they actually don't. He said they walk up and asked what the fuck is up with you?
Sal said he did a show with Artie once. He said he was on an escalator and the fan saw him going up. He said the fan waited at the bottom of the escalator and he went to say hi. He said the guy said he had posters of him hanging up at home and it turns out he thought that he was the drummer for The Pretenders. He had no idea who he really was.
Jon asked Shuli to give his news headlines for today. Shuli did that and then everyone got in their plugs and they ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard Lectures Scott The Engineer. 06/17/08. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about the Scott the Engineer story where he's editing his son's music every day. He said he's still hearing stories about him. Scott came in and said that maybe he was doing someone else a favor. Howard said that he should only be doing favors for him. Scott said that he does stuff for other people too.
Howard said that Scott's smile gives it away for him and he knows exactly what's going on back there. Scott said that if they're going to get on his case he's going to go off on the people who go down and smoke for 2 hours a day. He said that they spend like 10 minutes on each cigarette and they're going down and smoking 10 a day.
Howard said that he's talking about Scott and no one else there. Scott said he doesn't get why they're picking on him. Scott said that his son's band is called Emergency Now and they'll be playing at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey soon.
Howard told Scott that he heard that he's not just working on the weekend like he keeps saying he is. Scott said that if he's going to fuck with him then he's going to fuck with him too. He told Howard to have people sit in the studio and monitor him if he wants.
Howard said that Scott used to get upset when he'd be asked for a list of what he does every day but he's going to have to do that now. Howard asked Gary if they can have Scott do that. Gary said that they can have him do that but in the past he used to get pissed when Tim would ask for something like that.
Howard said that he wants to know how much work he gets done in that time that he claims to be working. Scott said that they can monitor him if he wants. That led to the guys talking about the game show special that Jon Hein is working on. Scott claims that he's working for Jon on that so Howard asked Jon if he's getting stuff back in a timely manner. Jon said that he is.
Howard put Jon in charge of Scott and he's now an underling of his and he's been demoted. Howard said that if Scott worked as hard on a cure for baldness as he does on his son's music, he'd have a full head of hair.
Scott said that he was just listening to his son's music the other day when he was working. He said that doesn't mean that he was working on it if he was just listening to it. Scott said that he doesn't get a lunch hour and he just listens to the music for his lunch. Howard told him he doesn't look like he's been missing any lunch.
Howard told Scott he's a mess and has to pull himself together. Scott doesn't understand why he's a mess. Ralph called in and asked Scott when he became a producer. Scott said that he's an engineer and that's what he's doing. Robin called Scott ''Mutt Salem'' since he seems to be producing this music for his son. Scott said that he listened to like 20 seconds of it the other day.
Howard said that he knows that it wasn't just 20 seconds of the song. He said he knows what's going on back there. Howard said he heard that he's not just working on the weekends on this music. Scott said that he could do it in the afternoon after hours if he wanted. He asked what would be wrong with that. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that but if he's doing it when he's on his time then there's a problem.
Ralph asked Scott why his son's band can't afford a real engineer at this point. Scott told Ralph to go back to sleep. Ralph told Scott to go start logging his day right now.
Howard said that Scott is treating him like an asshole and he's got to stop doing that. Scott said that he has worked his ass off for many years for his show and he's not treating him like an asshole.
Howard asked Scott who he was referring to earlier when he said that someone plays solitaire all day long. Scott said that he wasn't referring to anyone. He said he was just joking around and said that he was going to be taking up a new hobby. Scott said that he can't argue and he's really bad at it. He claimed he wasn't trying to do that with Howard but he was standing there arguing with him when he said it.
Howard said that he knows that he's working on his son's music often and frequently. Scott said that he's really not. Howard said he loves that he wants to help his son out but he needs him to work hard in there for his show, not for his son. Howard said that he wants him to put in 8 hours working on this show and put out as much as he can. Scott said he does that. Howard told him to pretend that he's his son and maybe he'll work as hard as he does on his son's stuff.
Ralph told Howard that he has to give Scott more work. Howard said that he should and he does want more out of him. Scott said that he's not getting lazy like Ralph was saying. Scott was goofing on Ralph for being lazy but Ralph said that's part of his job.
Howard goofed on Scott's new moustache and said that it's a big grey thing in the middle of his face. Howard said that Scott can do this and told him not to get lazy. He told him to be a team player.
Howard said that he gets reports from many sources about what Scott is up to in there. He said he doesn't want to have to monitor him but when he gets those reports he has to. Robin told Scott he's going to turn this into a real job if he keeps this up.
Howard told Scott that what he's going to do is put a star on Scott's bald head every day that he's good. If he doesn't do good he's not going to get star, he'll get a dunce cap on his head instead. Artie said that they should put the fist symbol on his head instead. He said that would be like what football teams do to their helmets.
Howard said that he's so confident that he's going to draw a fist on his head right now. Scott asked if he could pass on that. Howard told him that they could put the fist right in the middle of his head if he wanted.
Howard said that he did the same job Scott does so he knows what it takes. Ralph said that he and Jon Hein were talking the other day and he was talking about how slow Scott was. Jon said that Ralph was doing his job very well this morning and he didn't say anything about that.
Howard said that he doesn't want Scott treating him like his dog. He asked where that dog is. Scott said that the dog is about to get some surgery and the dog is still at home with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott is walking all over him. Howard said that's why he's calling him out on this now. Howard said he knows what's going on back there and he's got to ask him to get back to work. He said that he's heard that he's listened to his son's stuff many, many times. That led into them playing the ''Scott The Engineer's Fuckin' Up Again'' song parody.
Howard said that he's heard that Scott is listening to his son's music when he has headphones on back there in his studio. He said that he's putting Sal in charge of Scott's work. The Howard TV guys had shots of him doing that.
Richard came in and said that he thinks today was great for Scott and asked to put a gold star on his head. Howard told him to go ahead so Richard put it on Scott's bald head. Howard told him to start focusing now and then told the guys to write ''focus'' on that gold star that Richard just put on his head.
Howard asked to see it again and got a laugh out of that. Scott said he's going to walk around with that star on his head all day long. Artie told him to make sure Mel sees it. Scott said that he already thinks that he's an asshole.
Howard told Scott to have his son change his band's name to ''Focus.'' Scott said that there was already a band with that name. Howard said that Scott's star was very nice and Richard did a nice job with that. Howard told Scott that he's not a bad looking man with that star on his head. Artie told him he looks like Gorbachev.
Howard said that they can put more stars on his head when he does more stuff right. Ralph told him they won't have to worry about that, he won't do anything else right.
A caller suggested that they put a helmet cam on Scott's bald head so they can watch what he does all day long. The caller also told Scott to get back in his studio and get back to work before he gets fired. Howard asked him what he does for a living. The guy said that he's a garbage man but he's making good money. Scott laughed at him.
The caller said that he bought a house out in Pennsylvania for $79,000 and it's 3 bedrooms with a 3 car garage. Howard said that he might have to move out to Scranton if that's the case. The caller said that he didn't even have to put any money down on the house. He said that he's just outside of Scranton.
Howard said that this guy has a job where they know how much work he's doing. They do a certain amount of work and they know if it's not getting done. He said that Scott could stretch his work out for weeks and they wouldn't know it.
Howard wrapped up with everyone after that. He said that Sal is in charge of Scott's work chart from now on. Fred played some ''Shining Star'' for Scott and then played his ''Fuck everyone!'' clip.
Artie said that he can imagine what Lisa G is saying to Scott out in the hall right now. He said that she's probably telling him how great his star looks.
Artie and Howard talked about how poor Scott is like a beaten man. They talked about how they'd like to see pictures of him as a child who had no idea what was in store for him.
Howard said that Scott is really the best engineer he's ever worked with. He said that he worked with a lot of them over the years and he could have taken most of them and thrown them in the garbage. He said that he has to motivate him sometimes though. He said that he's like a diva sometimes and he has to bring him back to reality.
Howard said that what they just saw was a power struggle. He said that he has to show that he can't take over. He said that discipline is very important in this job.
Scott The Engineer Drains The Life Out. 10/05/05. 6:00am
Howard started off the morning complaining about how much hair he has on his head and how it was getting into his eyes. He also said that his microphone needed to be fixed because it was wobbly. He asked Scott to fix it. He went on to read a quick article where they mentioned Howard's name but didn't explain what they were talking about. They said something about a club opening up with a Karaoke machine that needed to be fixed by ''Howard Stern's personal sound guy'' but no one knew who they were talking about. Howard asked Scott the Engineer if he had something to do with it but Scott had no idea what it was. Howard asked Scott to get his microphone fixed while he was in the studio. Scott told him he'd fix it during the break but that led to Howard talking about how much he drains the life out of the studio when he's in there. Robin said he also drains the room when he's not on the air so it's not just when he's in the studio. Howard told her that Scott sends him notes off the air that are kind of entertaining but he really does irritate him when he's in the studio. He believes there must be a lot of suicides around Scott when he's out and about because he's so annoying. Howard was so annoyed that he wanted to go home just because Scott was such a bore.
Howard said that when they do their impression of Scott, it's too entertaining and they put too much energy into it. The guys were doing their impressions of Scott and talking about how it's the look and sound of Scott that does it for them. Howard complained about the way Scott takes his time to get in there when they need something done in a rush. Fred did his impression of Scott and said that he watches turtles walk by him while he's heading down to the studio. They are bringing him along to SIRIUS when they move though. Howard isn't so sure that's a great idea.
Scott came in and told Howard that he's pretty sure they figured out who Howard's ''sound guy'' was and told Howard who they think it is. It's a friend of Dan the Song Parody Man's who was up there helping out recently. Howard wondered if the guy was out there saying that he's the sound guy or if that's just something they wrote in the article. Howard continued to goof on Scott and kept doing his impression of him along with Fred and even Robin who got in on doing an impression of him. They were also playing a clip of Scott testing a microphone and making all kinds of weird noises which was even more annoying to Howard than Scott's usual voice. He called it Scott's suicide dance that he performs just before people kill themselves.
Sal And Dan Under Fire. 10/05/05. 6:15am
Howard said that he wonders if Sal the Stockbroker has anything to do with the article because he got a t-shirt in the mail the other day that says ''Howard Stern Online Chat'' with his name on the back and a big picture of Sal on the back. Sal said that this guy has been emailing him lately and he just told him to go away and do whatever he wants. Sal said that he doesn't care about being on a t-shirt and didn't tell the guy it was okay to use Howard's name because he knows that Howard would get pissed. Howard thought he had heard enough because he believes that Sal okay'd the t-shirt. Howard never puts his name on a t-shirt and hates when people do that. Artie said that he has to tell people on the show not to do this kind of stuff.
Sal came back in and told Howard that he was being hounded by this guy who was emailing him and decided to tell him that there's nothing he can do about putting his image on the shirts so he told him to go ahead and do what he wants. Howard said that was great because he didn't even know what the web site was or what this shirt was going to look like. Howard told him he was a great business man and just gave away all of his rights to let the guy put a picture of him on a t-shirt. Sal told Howard that he'll go kill himself today after tattooing Howard's name on his back if that will take care of things. He said that he only has about 4 fans out there and when he gets stuff like that he responds to it.
Gary came in over his microphone and told Howard that it was actually Dan the Song Parody Man who was at this Karaoke bar the other night. He's the one they were talking about in the article that Howard had read earlier. Dan says that he didn't tell them that he works on the show, some people just knew that he worked at the show and that's how it ended up in the paper. Howard said that he's confused by how people run their lives. Dan got in on the microphone and told Howard how they knew that he worked for the show but he kept talking so Gary and Howard cut him off saying that he talks too much. Howard figured he had cleared things up enough.
Howard had the guys bring Rod in and spoke to him about doing this gay porn stuff. Rod said that he can actually make more money doing gay porn than he does in straight porn. He gets about $2000 per scene in gay porn and about $500 in straight porn. He told the guys that he was in the Marines before he got into the gay porn scene.
Rod said that he planned on being a cop after the Marines but he decided that he didn't like cops so he would be better off not being one. He claims that he never had any gay sex while he was in the Marines but he did do some gay bar dancing and had some other Marines that he knew putting dollar bills into his bathing suit.
Rod said that dancing for gay guys is no different than a hot chick dancing for some fat, ugly dudes. He said he went through a lot of money using drugs years ago but he never thought that he was gay. He said that he answered a bogus ad after getting out of the Marines and ended up doing some posing for them. That led to them asking him to jack off for them and doing other gay stuff. They'd pay him to do all of this stuff while they filmed him.
Howard figured that if he was a straight man he wouldn't want to do that stuff. Rod said that he did his first gay scene with another man who was a small Asian guy. He said he would go out and drink after doing his job because it wasn't easy for him. Howard said he thinks he's gay if he can get hard for another man and have sex with him.
George said this guy must be a brilliant actor if he can get it up for a guy like that. Howard said he heard that Rod has licked a man's asshole. Rod said that's true but he didn't seem to think it was gay. Rod said he'd rather call himself a freak.
Gary said he read that this guy once had an orgasm while getting banged in the ass. When the guys heard that, they all told him he's gay. Rod still denies that he's not gay. He's had a real man's cock in his ass and even a strap-on in there. George asked him if he thinks he's delusionairy (Delusional) thinking that he's not gay. Rod said he never said he was straight, he said that he's just a freak.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and told this guy that he's a fuckin fag. Another guy said he's a faggot as well. The guy said he makes $2000 a week driving a truck and he'd much rather do that than take it up the ass for $2000. Rod said he would rather get paid $2000 for 3 hours of work than drive around in a truck all day.
Gary read some other notes about this guy and said that he once pulled some anal beads out of a guy's ass and the guy shit all over the place. He said he threw up when that happened. Howard said that Rod really needs to look at this and realize that he is gay. Richard came in and asked if they could get this guy to ride the Sybian. Howard said he didn't want to see that and it wasn't going to happen.
Rod said he's written a book about his life and he's trying to find a publisher. Gary said he's got rules for when he does a scene. He doesn't let guys finish on his face or on his ass because he's afraid of disease. Benjy was saying that Rod may not be gay. He said that he hit on something earlier when he mentioned the hot chick dancing for the fat guys. He asked Howard if he thinks he would orgasm if a guy used his hand on him. Howard said he's pretty sure a guy couldn't even get him up and aroused.
Howard said that if anyone wants to get in touch with this guy, you can email him at BarryRod@hotmail.com. He gave him that plug and took a call from Hook Nose Mike who told Rod that if he's playing the skin flute, he's gay. Rod said that he's horrible at giving oral sex because he almost pukes ever time he does it. JD came in and said he's seen this guy giving oral and he never looks like he's going to puke.
Artie wrapped it up nicely when he said that Rod is basically saying that he's straight, but he's only two grand away from being gay. Rod insists that he's not gay, but he's also not claiming that he's straight. The guys continued to talk about that and they were still confused about wether or not this guy was gay.
King of All Blacks called in and asked if someone is in prison for 50 years and you have sex with a man, that doesn't make you gay because you have no choice. Howard said you are gay if you have sex with a man. Howard said you always have a choice and you don't have to have sex with a man in prison.
Howard said as long as they're doing the gay stuff, he's going to have Sal come in with the names of guys on the show who George would rate the highest. They had seven guys on the list and Benjy came in last. Number six was Sal, five was Fred, number four was Richard Christy, number three was Gary, number two was Howard Stern and number one was Artie Lange!
Howard was hoping for a gay win because any win is good for him. Howard said he thinks that his physique is amazing right now. George said he's gotten to know Artie very well. Howard said that he has a problem with this list because they wanted just the physical attraction to be brought out in this list. George said he's seen the possibilities with Artie and he knows that his good looking father is in there somewhere.
Howard wrapped up with Rod Barry and said that they all think he's gay but if he wants to believe he's not, that's fine too. He gave him another plug for his email address and then went to break.
Limbless Rapper Doug E Comes In. 3/12/03. 9:40am
This rapper Doug E, who has no arms or legs to speak of, came in to rap for Howard this morning. Howard said he heard that Doug was able to pleasure himself but he soon found out that wasn't quite true. He doesn't have arms and has to have a woman do him. Howard said Doug wanted to come in when he was 17 but his parents wouldn't allow it. He's now 18 so he can do it now. Howard checked out Doug's little feet. He's not sure what caused the birth defect. His birth parents gave him up and he was adopted by a great family. Howard told Doug that he's not that bad looking. Howard asked him about the pleasuring thing and found out he has chicks do it for him instead. He said that he has gotten laid already. He said the girl gets on top of him. Howard said he can't even get women to get on top of him. Howard talked to Doug about his parents and his adoptive parents for a couple of minutes. One of Doug's buddies said Doug even has a dog that is missing limbs.
Doug said people are amazed when he starts busting lyrics up on stage. He's a white dude and learned how to rhyme from his buddy Jermaine. Howard asked Doug how many chicks he's banged in his life. He said it's just one and they just broke up yesterday. He said he does try to get chicks and he has a lot of confidence. His buddies told Howard that he draws better than they do even though he doesn't have any hands or arms. Doug said he uses his shoulder and neck to hold his writing instrument.
Doug said he can get out of his wheelchair and do some break dancing. Howard wanted to see that so he had him get down on the floor to demonstrate for a few seconds. Howard then let Doug do some freestyle rap. He did a couple minutes of that and said he hopes there are some record companies out there listening. They're trying to get a record deal. Howard played some of their music and said they sound just as good as ''these other guys'' out there today. In the song Howard was playing Doug sang something about smoking pot. He said he never does that, it was just for the song. Howard said if he was him, he'd be smoking every day.
Howard gave Doug's band The Akolytes a plug. They have a web site at Akolytes.com. His buddies said he put the web site together himself. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that and took another break.
What's My Secret With Jonathan. 8/3/01. 7:45am
This guy Jonathan came in this morning to play a game of What's My Secret with Howard and the crew. He looked like a kid who was about 12 years old. Howard and the crew started asking him questions to find out what his secret was but Fred got it pretty quick. He turned out to be a 26 year old guy who has something called Hypopituitaryism that stops him from growing like a normal guy. He talks and looks like a 12 year old but he has a rap that sounds like a regular adult. He can carry on a conversation like a normal guy but that hasn't helped him get laid. He said he's only gotten laid two times in his life. He was hoping that Howard would help him out.
Howard talked to Jonathan about growing up as a young-kid-look-alike and how hard it was in school. He got beat up and goofed on the whole time he was in school. The first time he got laid he had to get a chick drunk and she told him if he ever told anyone she'd kill him. Jonathan said he's got 6 brothers and sisters and they're all normal height like 6 feet tall. He got the short end of the stick so to speak. He told Howard he has pubic hair below his waist but he's got nothing above. He said he's going to the doctor to try and get some facial hair but Howard told him not to bother.
Howard took a call from a woman by the name of Melissa who said she'd screw Jonathan if Howard can get her 21 year old virgin brother laid for her. She also asked for breast implants. Howard spoke to her for a few minutes and found out she's 25 years old, 5'3'' tall with a C-cup breast. After finding out she was really willing to screw this guy Howard agreed to let her come down to the studio next week. He gave her a choice though. He said that if she screws this guy she can either get free implants or get her brother laid at the Bunny Ranch. She said she has to talk to her brother about it but right now it sounds like she's going for the implants. She said her brother doesn't want a whore. Jim Florentine told her that the brother probably does want a whore even if he says he doesn't... just because he hasn't gotten laid yet.
Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) called in and said that he's willing to give this woman her implants like he's done for so many other women on the show. Tune in next week to find out if Jonathan can actually get laid.
Another Disturbing Sex Story From Sal The Stockbroker. 09/26/05. 8:10am
Howard came out of break and mentioned what a good guest George Lopez is. He said that Gary was out in the green room talking to George's manager and the manager was saying that Howard must be excited to be on this Vanity Fair list of top 10 people to watch because he's moving to SIRIUS. Howard is thrilled to be going to SIRIUS and talked about how he's got huge plans for the three channels he'll be programming over there. He said he called his agent to talk about his ideas but his agent was supposed to be going out to celebrate his 40th wedding anniversary and he didn't seem to care about his plans. Howard said he's planning on reinvigorating the radio industry when he moves to satellite and he really doesn't care that much about being on a list of 10 people to watch. Gary said that those lists are not based on any statistics, it's usually someone who is a fan who puts him on a list like that.
Gary is thinking about doing an F-Emmy category that's ''Best Sal Sex Story'' because he has so many to tell on the air these days. Sal was out in Cleveland over the weekend with Richard and Craig Gass. Sal and Richard stayed in the same room because they were getting up at 5 in the morning to fly out of there. Richard passed out and Sal decided it was time to pleasure himself but he wouldn't have anything to clean himself up with after doing that. Howard thinks that Sal should divorce his wife and marry Richard because this sounds so gay to him. Sal said that he decided to do his business in the same bed that Richard was in, he just turned the other way and did it. Howard told him that it's really gay to do that in the same bed like that. As he was telling this story the delay was hit at least one time. Gary wanted to take over because he thought Sal might get into trouble. Sal said he could do it and talked about how he did that, cleaned up his hands by wiping it on his shirt. Sal was saying that he had a connecting room but didn't want to just walk 10 feet to go to his own room. Sal ended up leaving the shirt behind so Craig Gass saw it laying there, picked it up and put it in his suitcase. Right now Sal's soiled shirt is in Craig's suitcase and he doesn't know it. Sal was laughing his ass off as he told the story. Howard wanted them to get in touch with Craig to find out where he was and if he still had the shirt in his suitcase.
Howard said that he was watching TV with Beth last night. He told Beth that his ''nads were blue'' so he was trying to hint to her that he needed it from her. Beth wasn't all that into it but he pulled down his pants anyway and hoped that she'd get the hint. He figured that he was looking all sexy for her but she really wasn't into it. Then she started to fall asleep so he decided to just pleasure himself in bed. She said that was fine so that's just what he did. She woke up this morning and wondered if that actually happened last night. He told her ''Yeah, it did!'' kind of rubbing it in that she wasn't willing to help him out last night. Sal thought that was pretty awesome that he'd do that and admit to it. Howard said that he would never do that in bed with another man like Sal did though. He and Gary talked about how they could never do something like that. Gary told him that he would go to a different floor to do something like that, not the same room or even the room next door.
Richard Christy Family Stories. 09/26/05. 8:25am
Richard told a story about doing that in bed with another guy one time and how he had to do it because he had started before the guy came over. After telling those stories Howard played a voice mail from Richard's dad where he was talking about catching bull heads to use for fish bait and finding another chick in the yard that he had to take back to it's mother. Howard thought that was pretty funny and said that Richard probably tells his father about laying in bed with Sal over the weekend while he pleasured himself. Richard said that he heard that Richard's father skins raccoons and sells the fur to one company and then sells the meat to black people. Richard said that his parents don't have a lot of money and that's the way they make money. He said that they hunt to get their food and they make some money selling the 'coons. Richard said he makes most of his money from the raccoon furs. Richard used to eat the raccoon meat but it tasted awful. He said he's also had rabbit and squirrel. They've had snapping turtle and possum as well. Howard and the guys asked him how they prepare a turtle for death. Richard said that his father will tie a line on the shore to catch them but he's never seen his father kill one because he's not into that kind of stuff.
Howard wondered how much they can make from selling raccoon. Richard said a pound of meat is probably about two bucks or so. Howard said he should open up a restaurant where they sell that stuff. He thought that raccoon's were big carriers of rabies. Richard said he thinks they are but cooking them must get rid of it or something. Gary said that Richard's family seems to eat just like the Beverly Hillbillies. Howard asked him how much he thinks his father makes now. Richard said when his father worked on the railroad, he was making about $12 an hour. He's not sure what kind of money he makes now though. He told the guys about some of the other weird stuff that he's eaten and said that the black people out in Kansas really do like the raccoon meat. He said that one raccoon could feed a family of 4 for a couple of meals. Howard said that they really should go visit Richard's parents out there to see what they're up to. He replayed the voice mail that his father left for him and said that it must cost him a fortune to call him from Kansas.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and one guy told him how much the show is getting chopped up these days whenever they talk about something sexual. The guy said that it's really depressing and he can't wait for them to move to the new place. Howard said they're going to have two channels devoted to the show and they'll have their own little universe there. Richard told Howard that his father will also go out and set these ''limb lines'' to catch stuff and he remembers going out as a kid and how much of a surprise it would be when he'd pull something up out of the water. Howard said that his father should be growing pot instead of selling 'coon meat and pelts. Richard said that's a big business out there in Kansas but his parents don't do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some kind words for Fred about his father. He also said that the Blues Traveler cover of The Beetlejuice Song borrowed a little too much from the other Beetlejuice song. Howard said that they had Leslie West lay down some new guitar tracks to the Beetlejuice song ''I Don't Know'' so he was going to play that going into break. Howard said that this song is his favorite and likes the part where he sings ''I look like a kango I livin on a hango'' and ''I look like a kango cause I look like a gigolo.'' He played the song with the new Leslie West guitar tracks and it made the song even that much better. Sing along...
I don't know cause I look good
But I feel like get laid
I don't know cause I look good
Beetle know what he get when he wants
Beetle know what he get when he wants
Beetle know what he get when he wants
Beetle know what he get when he wants
I look like a kango I livin on a hango
I look like a kango cause I look like a gigolo
Howard went to commercial break after playing the song.
Today's Unnamed Vacation Special was over around 10:20am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Scott and his son. He said Scott was working on his son's project after hours and Scott ended up getting upset and saying he was working on it during his lunch break. Jon said that all evolved into Scott saying he listens to his son's stuff and he complained about people going to smoke and how he doesn't do that. Jon said Scott was very worked up and upset. By the end of it he had to wear a yellow star with the word ''focus'' on it.
Jon said that Scott went through an hour of that and then Lisa G caught him outside the studio and asked about the star on his head. Jon said Ralph was on the phone jabbing at Scott too. Jon said Benjy knows what that's like.
Benjy said that you don't think anyone cares but then you realize there's a whole world out there that's following along.
JD came in so Jon asked how Vegas was. JD told him to shut up. He didn't want to deviate from the subject. Jon asked if he had a good time. JD said he did. He said he must have heard the news report. Benjy said he didn't hear it but he was wondering if he was out there for business. JD said he wanted to go somewhere to chill out. Benjy asked if it was hard to spend that money. JD said it was but he was able to stay at a friend's house. He said he didn't go out a lot. Jon asked if he met any UFC fighters. JD said he took a picture with Chuck Liddell. Benjy asked if the friend is a friend of a show friend. JD said it's a friend he talks to quite a bit.
Jon asked if he met any girls. JD said ''Uh, no.'' Jon asked if he was bored and sitting in his room. JD said he can sit in a room and not be bored. He said he was fine. Benjy asked if the friend was a girl. JD said it was not.
Jon asked if he is happy to be back. JD said yes. He said he was able to relax and enjoy it out there. Benjy asked why Vegas. JD said it was the only place he thought he could go to and relax. He said if he had more money he would have gambled more. He said he got recognized a couple of times out there. He said he took some pictures with people out there. Jon said they missed him. JD just laughed.
JD said he thinks the next vacation he takes will be with a girl. He said he wasn't sure what to do out there. He said he left it up to his friend to be the host. He said he would like to have a girl there. Jon asked if it was alone much. JD said he was around people.
Jon asked if he would go back to Vegas. JD said he would like to go to a resort so the girl can be in a bikini the whole time. Jon said she could do that in Vegas. JD said he guesses she could.
Benjy asked about the friend and said it can't be comfortable unless he's really close or doesn't give a fuck about. He said someone in between is hard. JD said he felt like he was imposing but the guy has a guest house that he stayed at. He said he met at a block party a couple of years ago.
Jon asked JD what he did while he was there. JD said he hung out by the pool during the day. He said he went to a Widespread Panic show. Jon said his friend must have planned that. JD said he did. He said the music is okay. He said he was able to put up with it.
Jon said JD is there and back from his vacation. He said he thinks it's fantastic he imposed on someone out there in Vegas.
Jon said he wanted to get back to Scott. He asked JD if he remembers that day. JD said he did. Jon said that you'd think Scott would have learned his lesson by now but he hasn't. He said that he has a lot of acts of quiet defiance there. He just comes out and does things his own way.
Benjy said he doesn't know what everyone is doing at all times but he doesn't think it's unusual to go back and forth to your work. He said he doesn't think Scott is doing it anymore than anyone else. He said it might be harder for him to hide it though.
Jon said Howard was saying that he needs more output from Scott. He said working on his son's music isn't helping. Jon said Howard heard what he was doing and if you add all of that up then it leads to that segment that they heard this morning.
Jon asked Benjy about being in the cross hairs and not being able to walk out until a break. Benjy said he could but that might be a strange thing. He said the trap that he falls into is that you can't win an argument with Howard on his show. He said it's very rare. He said Howard will win it if he wants to win it. Jon said he thinks he wins it because he can argue better than anyone there. Benjy said he thinks it's about controlling the show. He said he's a great at arguing and he admits that. He said that he controls the microphones though.
Benjy said he hears other people having arguments and the best thing to do is get your point across once and then just end it. Jon said you can't sit there silently though. He said you have to keep that argument up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they had the 26 year old who looks like a little kid. He asked if they have a follow up on that. Jon said they will have 3 more segments this week and it's an ongoing saga. He said it doesn't get resolved very quickly. He said they will find out what happened with him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard is the boss and no one wants to cross the line with him so that's why he wins the argument. Jon said that doesn't happen all the time in the office. He said that Jason can win arguments a lot. The caller said he really gets under his skin. Benjy asked what is actually winning an argument. He gave some examples. Jon said it all depends on what the argument is about. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy asked if that makes you gay. JD said yes. He said if you get an erection from it then you're gay. Benjy said he doesn't remember what that guy did in the movies. He asked if he's gay if he's giving oral. JD said he is gay. He said you're gay either taking it or giving it to another guy. Benjy asked if the guy was just doing it for money then is he gay? JD said yes. Benjy asked if a girl gives you oral then is she attracted to you. JD said he doesn't know about that. He asked Benjy why he has to make him think.
Benjy said he thinks the name Rod Barry is a gay name. He said if you're attracted to the opposite sex then you're gay.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Benjy. He said he is gay himself and he knows people who have done it to make money and they are not gay. He also said that there is an exchange with Howard and George Takei and Howard suggested putting a finger in Benjy's ass. He said he thought the show was live today when he hard that. JD said that shows how long this has been talked about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was interesting how JD said that jerking off in gay porn isn't gay. JD said you can do that and not have gay sex. Jon asked if JD has ever done that. JD said no. He said you could jerk off to straight porn and have the video distributed to gay sites.
The caller said Howard never plays song parodies about himself. He said you'll never hear that. Jon said that's not true. He said he has played some. Jon said if they're good and funny he's not against it. Benjy said if there's something he doesn't want put out there he won't play it. The caller said Howard will make fun of himself but he doesn't like it when other people do. Jon said Howard has played many voice mails and things making fun of him. The caller told Benjy to keep up what he's doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when girls make out it's no big deal but if a couple of guys do it then it's a big deal. Jon said he agrees with him on that. The caller said he knows guys who can do gay stuff for money and then go home and shower it off. He said they learn to deal with it.
Jon said that there are some people who might use the show as an excuse to say it's not a gay act. Benjy said that Sal has talked about how he likes women who are willing to take it and there could be a part of him that gets off on humiliating Richard in a way. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked the guys what they would do if they had two hot girls come up to their hotel room but they had to kiss the guy. JD said he wouldn't do it. Benjy said he wouldn't either. Jon asked Jason if he would. Jason said no as well. Jon said he's a no as well.
Benjy asked if the guys would let a guy watch them with the girls. Jason said sure. Jason said if a guy wants to watch then he can zone him out. Jason said he's not the type of guy who gets offered two girls at once. He said he thinks that he'd be so focused that he could get past that. Jason said anyone who can watch him bang would see it's not a lot of fun. He said there's a lot of hair and sweat.
Jon asked Jason if he thinks Scott's focus has changed at all since that day all of that stuff happened with his son's music. Jason said no. He said that most of them there don't do that kind of thing during work. He said they also don't argue with Howard when they're called out on something. He said that no one there takes a lunch break there. He said that's what Howard hates to hear them arguing about. He said that Howard thinks of that as union talk. He said no one wants to hear that.
Jon asked if they think Scott would have learned the lesson by now. Jason said you'd think so. He said he should be able to read a room. He said he has to compliment Benjy. He said he's been acting awesome lately. He said something clearly happened to him. Jason said he's not sure what he did but you can look at him and see he's adapting. Jason said Scott is an amazing person as a fan. He said he asked to borrow a chair one time and it turned into a 25 minute argument.
Jon and Jason talked about how Scott was told that his family was cursed when he was a kid and that never goes away. They talked about how tough that has to be to deal with. They wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:15am.
THoHS:A3 - Howard Upsets People With Miss America. 01/01/10. 8:25am
They played a show clip where Howard asked the guys if they had read the book. Fred said he was still going over some of the stuff in the book. Jackie said he still wants to read Fred's chapter and see what he said about him. Jackie said Howard was like good cop/bad cop writing nice stuff and then writing negative stuff. Howard said Judith thought that he was too nice to some people. Robin said he wasn't very nice to her.
Robin said that she read the part about her, Jackie and Fred and she felt sorry for her and Fred. Fred said he was actually humiliated. Howard said he didn't think it was bad at all. Howard said he loves Robin and he wrote about how good he feels about her. Robin said that Howard never faked any illnesses to get away from her. Howard said he did too. He said when she was really mentally ill he did do some stuff to get away from her. Howard said he figured out how to handle her and he'd tell her he was sick and she'd mellow out. He said that worked. Robin didn't believe it was true. She said that he had combined some arguments together in the book that were years apart. Howard wasn't sure what she meant. Robin said that it was two conversations from two different discussions.
Howard and Gary talked about the stuff he wrote about Gary too. Gary said that there was a paragraph that changed in the book and it was edited down to one sentence. Howard said Judith edited that down because she said he was being too nice to him. Gary said there are like 18 pages dedicated to him and none of it is flattering and then it comes down to that one sentence and it was edited down.
After that we heard Scott the Engineer talking about how he wasn't surprised by anything in that book. He said Howard can tell and spin a story to his advantage. Ratso Sloman said that Howard revealed some very personal things like his OCD. He said that blew him away. Ratso said that Howard had real torment with that and it was great to hear him telling that story. Ratso said he remembered Howard doing stuff that was related to the OCD and he realized where that all came from.
Judith Regan said that she thinks having OCD gets him to be compulsive about his work and that's why he works on it over and over again to get it perfect. She said that Howard talks about just about everything and anything.
Howard said that he remembers talking to his agent about the book and his agent thought he should hold off on talking about the OCD thing in the Private Parts book. Howard said he held off on it until he wrote Miss America when he was ready to talk about it. He said he had gotten rid of it thanks to Dr. Sarno and he wasn't so embarrassed by it by that time. Howard said it was a secret to everyone and even himself. He said that he didn't want to recognize he had it.
Howie Mandel talked about how honest the Howard Stern Show is and how that's why he likes going on the show. He said he came out of his mental closet on that show with his own OCD. He said that's why Howard's show is the best radio there ever was.
Ratso talked about how honest Howard is and how unusual that is. Ratso said the books were really Howard's private parts.
They played another show clip where Howard was still arguing with Robin about the Miss America book. He said Jackie was asking him about the OCD chapter and questioning that. Robin had read the letter in the back of the book that a listener had sent in. Howard said the guy put together an incredible essay where he analyzed the show as if he was Hitler. Howard said the guy pointed out the similarities to him and Hitler. Howard and the guys talked about that letter. Jackie read some of the letter and said there were some similarities there.
Jackie was also telling Howard that everyone has a little bit of OCD and he didn't think Howard's was all that bad. Robin said that she believed Howard's chapter because he did allude to it a couple of times over the years. Howard said he swears on his kid's lives that it was all true. Robin said she believes it's true but it wasn't that serious of a case. Howard said it was serious and it was getting progressively worse and worse toward the end where he got rid of it. Howard said Robin is very hostile toward him about this.
They played a news report where they talked about some promotion they were doing for the Miss America book where they gave some stuff to homeless people to sell so they could keep the money for themselves.
Next up they played a show clip where Howard played a clip from David Letterman's show where they had James Earl Jones reading a passage from his book ''Miss America.'' They had Jones reading from the cyber sex chapter. Howard and Robin got a laugh from that. Howard said he wanted to do the audio book with James Earl Jones. He said that was pretty funny. Howard had to replay the clip because he enjoyed it so much. Howard had his mother on the phone after that. He asked her why he hadn't heard from her about the book. She wasn't happy with the book. She said the first chapter was too much for her. She said that they don't see Howard in this book and she didn't believe that he did the stuff he says he did. Howard told her not to read his book then. Robin told her that when it upsets her she just stops reading it.
Howard's mom said that she was told to read the Michael Jackson chapter so maybe she'll do that and give up after that. Howard told his mom that the cyber sex chapter is the way men think and it's something they have to do. He said that every woman should read it because it'll put them in touch with what their husbands are feeling and doing. Howard said there was nothing exaggerated in that chapter. Howard's mom told him to stop writing about this stuff because he has daughters to think about. She said when you put it down in writing it's just too much. She said it's all about sex. Howard said she's very uptight and he's obsessed with sex. He said that's all he thinks about. Howard's mom told him he needs to think about something other than that.
Howard said he knew his mom wouldn't like that chapter. Robin said he should have warned her. Howard said he did warn her that the book wasn't for her. He said that he delayed giving her a copy of it. Howard said she's more into ''The Bridges of Madison County.'' Howard's dad got on the phone so Howard asked him what he thought about that first chapter. Ben said that it was a little too deep for him. He said that he's not into that kind of stuff. Ben said he's an old guy now and he's at a different stage of his life sexually. Ben said some people might get off on that but that doesn't mean he's into it. Howard asked if he got turned on by the chapter. Ben said he really didn't. Howard said he doesn't think they have sex more than once every two weeks. Howard's mom said it's quality, not quantity. Ben said that he has a smile on his face even if it is only once every two weeks.
Ben talked about some of the stuff he read about like the OCD chapter. He said that came as a big surprise to him. Howard said he kept it secret from everyone. Howard said he was suffering from a mental illness and he didn't want to tell anyone. Howard's mom said that he never did any of the stuff he claims he did. Howard said he did too and he didn't bother anyone with it. Now he's cured thanks to Dr. Sarno. Ben asked why he dirtied up a room if he had trouble cleaning it up. Howard said that this disease hit him when he was 19 years old. He said there must have been something in him before that but he noticed it at that age. Howard told his mom he'd prefer that she doesn't believe that. He said she can believe whatever she wants. Howard's mom said that maybe he'll write another book and he'll write down what he really feels. Howard said this book is what he really feels. She didn't believe that.
Howard said he writes books for people who want the nitty gritty from him. Howard's mom said goodbye to him like she was done with him. Howard said she's a piece of work. Howard said he's a messed up guy and she failed in her mission. She told him to have fun and called him ''Howch.'' She continued to think that he made up all of this stuff. Howard said he'd happy with her thinking it's all made up. That's the way he wants it. Howard said he's glad he made that call this morning.
TDiHH: Gary's Smelly Phone - January 10, 1990. 01/10/13. 7:05am
Next up on This Date in Howard History they played a segment from 1990 when Howard thought Gary's phone was smelly.
In the clip Howard said he had something for Robin to do. He said he went to get on Gary's phone the other day to talk to Steve Leeds and he picked it up and he stunk. Howard had Jackie get the receiver so they could get it in there to smell it. Robin smelled it and then Fred smelled it. Howard said he knows Gary isn't the only one using it but it stinks. Fred was grossed out by it. He said it smells like the bottom of a hamster cage.
Howard said it has to be Gary. He said that he's not sure how he can stand the smell every day. Gary said he's not the only one using it. He said it does smell a little funky though. Robin said it smells like there should be plants growing out of it. Howard said he wasn't able to have a conversation with Steve because of the smell.
Howard asked Gary why he can't smell that. Gary said he's had issues with his sense of smell lately. Howard said that no one is allowed to use his phone anymore. He said he's the only one who is going to use it. He said he can smell something on it after certain people use it. He said he wants the interns kept out of his office too. He said he can't take the smell. Howard told Gary to get more phones so he can have his own phone. He said he doesn't want to smell that anymore. Howard told Gary he's not allowed to sit at his desk anymore. He told Gary he's the one who stinks.
Howard said that Robin has to smell it again. Robin said that she can't keep it there. She said it might be the type of plastic that absorbs the smell. Howard said she could be right. Howard said no other phone smells like that at the station though. Robin said they were talking about just changing receivers for when Howard wants to use it. Howard said they were going to bring in tongs for Jackie to carry the phone in with. He said they forgot to bring them in though.
Howard asked what they could clean it with. Robin suggested alcohol. Gar said he used isopropyl alcohol to clean it and it took care of the smell. Gary said he's not the only one using that phone though. Howard said he's just letting him know it smells.
Howard said maybe it's the people on the other end calling in that make it smell. He said he didn't even mean for this to come off as a nasty thing. Howard said maybe he should go dip it in the toilet to make it smell better.
Howard's Power Dinner And Other Stuff. 10/10/03. 6:00am
Howard said they'll be talking to Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla today as well as old friend John Stamos. There was another person that he wanted Robin to figure out. He said he's been hot for someone recently that he wasn't so hot for in the past. Robin tried to guess but couldn't come up with who it was. During that conversation Howard and the guys talked about Dakota the stripper who was on yesterday. Howard eventually told Robin that it was Uma Thurman. He never really liked her until he saw her in ''Kill Bill.'' Robin said he's going to faint when he sees her in person. Howard and Robin talked about how strange her feet looked in the movie. They said that her feet almost looked broken or something in those scenes. Howard said he loved ''Kill Bill'' but Robin wasn't quite as impressed. He said that there are a lot of good reviews for the movie lately. It's getting 3 stars, A- and other high reviews. Howard was trying to get himself looking a little better for Uma. He said he may even sit on the couch next to Uma when he's interviewing her. He's never done that before. He and Robin talked about how her husband Ethan Hawke was cheating on Uma. Howard said that Ethan even hit on his girlfriend Beth one time recently. Howard spent quite a while discussing what he wants to ask Uma about. He said she was raised a budist so he's going to go over that. She's a vegetarian so he's going to say that he doesn't eat meat. He's also going to bring Sanders the Chicken and tell her that he's into rescuing chickens. He had to take his first break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard's Plans For Uma Thurman. 10/10/03. 6:35am
After the break Howard was still on the subject of Uma Thurman and what he's going to talk to her about. He wanted to include Robin in his plan so he told her what to do. He told her to come over during the break and tell him that they named his radio station's building after him. He said he'll then get upset and say that he doesn't want a building named after him. He said he wants Gary to bring in his awards and stuff so she can see them. He told Gary to bring in a kid to pretend that he has cancer. He'll then thank him for letting him come in thanks to Make a Wish. Then he'll show her all of his awards and stuff and have Robin mention the building name thing. He also wants her to mention that he wrote two best selling books. Then Gary could come in with his USO tour times for Iraq and stuff like that. Robin said he should have had Ivan Reitman calling in while she's there as well.
Howard said he's not going to have Fred say anything during Uma's visit because he's ruin everything. Fred told Howard that Uma is a smoker which kind of turned him off. He said he'd have to change that. A caller asked Howard if it would suck if Uma was listening to the show while they were talking about all of this stuff. Howard told him that she's not listening, she's got better things to do. A caller told Howard that he's got a brother who's in a coma so he'd bring that up during Uma's segment. Howard put him on hold and asked him to hang in there until she comes in. He said he'd give him $500 if he did that.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people talk about Uma. The guys talked about how big Uma's feet appeared in ''Kill Bill.'' She's almost 6 feet tall so that would explain how large they are. Howard went over the plan for the morning and reviewed all of the things they had planned for Uma's visit. Gary said he's working on getting a kid to come in pretending to have cancer. He wasn't sure he'd be able to make that happen though. He did a quick run through with Robin with the stuff they were going to talk about during Uma's visit. Gary said he can pretend to have other celebrities to call in so Howard can blow them off. Howard also wants the Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator to call in and thank him for his support during the election.
Actress Uma Thurman Comes In. 10/10/03. 7:45am
Howard said he was a bit nervous when Uma came in. They had Sanders the Chicken in the studio so she asked what that was about. They also had all of Howard's awards and books out for her to see and be impressed by. They had all kinds of posters and books out as well. Howard told Uma that they had the chicken in there because he had rescued it. She asked him if he's a vegan. Howard said he's pretty much a vegan except he eats cheese. He also told Uma that he's studied Buddhism. Uma said that's a coincidence because her father is a Buddhist. He bragged about that and the chicken rescue. Robin interrupted the conversation and told Howard that they're renaming their building after him. Howard pretended he didn't want that but Uma told him it was quite an honor. Robin also asked Howard where he was last night because she needed to talk to him. He said he was out to dinner with Ivan Reitman. He told Uma about all of the projects that he has in the works and how busy he is.
KC came in at one point with a bag on his head. Howard didn't want Uma to see how good looking he is so he made him wear the bag. The Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator called in and thanked Howard for his support. Howard told him he was too busy to talk to him and hung up on him. Gary came in right after that and told Howard that he had to leave early for his USO tour of Iraq. By this time Uma told Howard she wasn't buying any of this stuff.
Howard moved on to the real interview and talked to Uma about ''Kill Bill'' and all of the work she had to do for that movie. She said she had to work out a lot after having a couple of kids. Howard quickly moved on to talk to Uma about the guys she has dated in the past. She went out with John Cusack for a while. Howard said he thought John was gay but she said he's not. Howard had Robert De Niro in his notes but she said they're just good friends. Same with Richard Gere. Howard asked her about his penis but she didn't know anything about it because she hadn't seen it. Howard said he saw it in a movie and it was pretty small. Howard asked her about Brad Pitt and she said she never went out with him.
Howard told Uma he really liked ''Kill Bill'' but only spent about 10 seconds on that before getting back to Uma's life. He talked to her about her kids and how he wouldn't want to get involved in raising them if they were to date. Howard asked Uma about Ethan Hawke and why she'd go for him. She said she thinks that all men cheat and didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. Howard asked her if it was true that Ethan thought that she'd been cheating with Quentin Tarantino and that's why he cheated on her. She said he knows that's not true. Howard told Uma that he never cheated on his wife when he was with her. He said he did the right thing and got a divorce. Robin said the right thing would have been to stay married.
Howard said he liked Uma's body language as he was talking to her. He said she seemed to be very open to him as she was sitting there with her leg up. They flirted with each other for a few seconds after that.
Howard asked Uma when she's going to get back in the saddle and start dating again. She didn't have a set time for that. Howard asked her about smoking as well. She said she didn't want to talk about it because it's been a struggle for her. Howard got back to Ethan and how her family wants to beat him for what he did to her.
Howard asked Uma if those were her real feet in ''Kill Bill.'' She said that unfortunately, they were her feet. Howard was handed a picture of Uma's mother a short time later so he could see how beautiful she was in her day. Howard quickly checked that out and then asked Uma who her friends are. Uma didn't really say much about who they are.
Howard got back to Uma's problem with Ethan and how she found out about him cheating. She said that she was up in Vancouver filming a movie with Ben Affleck when she found out. Howard asked her how horrible Ben was as an actor. She said he really isn't that bad and he has staying power. She seems to think that he's going to be a great actor. Howard told Uma that the best way to get back at Ethan would be to sleep with him.
Howard said he likes that Uma isn't afraid to take her top off in movies. She said she hasn't done that in a long time and after you nurse 2 kids, you stop taking it off for movies. Howard said he would love to be the first guy to bang her after her husband. He said it would be great if she loved the sex. Uma finally told Howard who her celebrity friends are. She said she's friends with people like Griffen Dunn, Natasha Richardson, Liam Nieson and Robert De Niro. She said most of her friends aren't celebrities though.
Gary came in during the interview with a young kid who wanted to thank Howard for helping him out with his cancer. He thanked him for him come in and meet him and stuff like that. Howard told the kid that he never had to thank him for anything. He also said that the kid was a smoker and that's how he got cancer. He blew the scam when he told Gary he was supposed to shave the kid's hair.
Howard got back to ''Kill Bill'' again and told Uma how much he liked her work in the movie. Stuttering John came in a short time later with some pictures of Uma's breasts. They were screen shots from some of her movies (Check them out at MrSkin.com). Howard and the guys checked those out and talked about how great they looked.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said hello to Uma. He asked her if she's into anal. She sounded disgusted by the question and didn't answer him. Howard asked her a short time later and she said she's just not into pain. Howard took some other calls after that. One woman said that Uma was a really nice person when she met her. She said that Uma smelled great and gave her a hug. She wished her luck in everything she does. One guy called in and offered to be her rebound guy after her marriage. Howard said she didn't need him and got him off the phone.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who pretended that Howard had just won Steppin Out's ''Man of the Year'' award. He said he's not one to call into radio shows, but he wanted to let him know he won the award. Howard let him do that and got him off the phone a few seconds later. He told Uma how hot she looked today and started to wrap up the interview. He asked her about her Karate skills and told her that Robin didn't like ''Kill Bill.'' Uma asked her what her problem was with the movie. Robin said they took it a little too far from reality for her. Howard said he thought it was one of the best films he's seen in a long time and Tarantino did a great job with directing and writing it. He wrapped it up a short time later and took a break.
Robin Cock Blocks Howard During The Break. 10/10/03. 8:45am
After the break Robin apologized to Howard for C-blocking him during the break. Howard and Uma were talking to each other after the interview and some of the guys thought she was into him. Howard didn't think that was the case though. Benjy and Gary thought she removed her jacket in a sexy way and Howard was having a great rap with her. Then Robin came in and started in with him and screwed things up. Howard said he gave Uma his rap about what a great guy he was in his divorce and all. He said he didn't cheat on her and his wife deserved what she got. Robin interrupted him and started saying that he didn't really feel that way. She didn't realize that he was trying to do it to show her what a great guy he is. Robin said she didn't realize what he was doing. Howard thought he had her eating out of his hand and then Robin blew it. He said he had the deal done and she ruined it. Gary said Howard looked really annoyed with her at one point during the break because of that. Howard said he never knows if Beth is going to dump him so he was just laying some ground work for the future.
Gary pointed out that she has ''crazy eyes'' and Howard said she was making all kinds of weird, mental-patient looking faces the whole time she was in there. Poor Jonathan had to listen to her insult him. Howard eventually kicked Melissa out of the studio because she backed out of everything she agreed to. Howard even suggested that the two of them just go out on a date and just get drunk together. She refused to even do that so he kicked her out. She apparently went out in the hall and started crying so Howard had to bring her back in to find out what the hell was going on. Jonathan, on the other hand, was wondering how come the woman thought that he'd insulted her during the interview. She'd said that he insulted her but all he said was that she was good looking.
Gary came in and said that Melissa thought Jonathan looked like a ventriloquist's dummy and it just totally freaked her out. Howard had Jonathan hide in the back with Fred and Benjy while he tried to talk to Melissa. She was all upset and freaked out by Jonathan's look so she just kept repeating ''Oh my God, oh my God'' over and over again. She said she could never be drunk enough to sleep with him.
Howard got rid of Melissa because she was so freaked out and then tried to tell Jonathan she was just a bad example of a listener willing to help out. Howard said that she may have been a little too hot to start off with. They need to start with someone a little chubbier than her. They're going to keep trying for Jonathan and they were already getting more calls from women... well, one woman anyway. A 39 year old woman called in and said she was willing to meet the guy next week so we'll be hearing more about Jonathan in the near future.
The Hilarious Enrique Iglesias Tape. 6/5/00. 8:40am
Howard was about to play some tapes of everyone's first day on the show that he's been promoting for weeks when he remembered something better. He has tape of what's apparently Enrique Iglesias' live board feed from a performance he did. He was singing along with the studio recording of his song, in other words.. lip syncing, when this tape was caught. Howard played it and the guy can't sing worth a damn. He's off key, out of breath and basically just making a fool out of himself. Howard and the rest of the guys were laughing hysterically at how bad he was. Howard said that if this is really him they have to get him on the show. He said he was never a fan of Enrique but now that he's heard this tape he's a fan. Stuttering John said he got the tape from someone in the music industry so it's very possible that it's really Enrique. Robin said that she'd heard about this tape and thinks that it's real also. Howard must have played the tape about 5 times. Each time it got funnier to him.
Jennifer Plays Win Fred's Money. 05/10/07. 7:50am
Howard said they have this woman Jennifer there to play Win Fred's Money. She has promised to get naked for them if she loses against Fred. Howard said many people have lost to Fred but they still keep coming in. Jennifer said she's from Huntington Beach, California and she's 26 years old. She said that she was pretty good in school but not a valedictorian or anything. Artie said she's got a kick ass body too. Howard asked her how many guys she's been with in those 26 years. She said she's had 12 guys. Artie thought that was a lot for that age. Robin said she hasn't even had 12.
Howard said Jennifer looks like a very innocent, young girl. She said that she's not so innocent and she has had some girls sexually. She said she started that in college and she had about 8 girls. Howard said that just because she didn't go to a big college or anything doesn't mean that she won't be good against Fred in this game.
Howard asked Jennifer about the first chick she was with. She said that it was her boss when she was an RA at her college. She said that she got close to her boss because they worked together a bit. They would spend time together in her room and she told her that she might be attracted to girls. She said that her boss wasn't very feminine. She was kind of butchy but in a soft way. She was also a Mexican woman. Howard asked her if she was shocked when she told her that she was attracted. She said she wasn't and she had moved right in on her and kissed her when she told her that. Jennifer said they messed around a little bit and laid down on the bed for a short time. She said it was a long time ago and didn't remember all of the details. She said she didn't like her all that much but the other woman did stick her fingers in her. She said that she was kind of annoying at the movie they went to see but it was just the one date they went on.
Howard asked Jennifer if she's dated any hot lesbians. She thought about it but didn't really have an answer so Howard said they had to move on to the game. They brought up the shower curtain that she's going to be hidden behind until she loses. If she loess, they drop the curtain and she's naked. He said the money for the contest is courtesy of TextIWon.
Jennifer got behind the curtain and got naked. She said that she weighs 98 pounds and Howard could see her silhouette behind the curtain and he couldn't wait to see her body. He sent Fred off to Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions. Howard asked Jennifer if she was completely shaved. She said it's not completely shaved, she's got a little down there. Howard moved on to the game a minute later and rushed through it. He had 7 questions that she had to answer in 60 seconds. Here are the questions
Howard had the guys drop the curtain so they could see Jennifer's body. Artie said that she was the hottest chick they've ever had in there. He gave her a ''holy shit'' when he saw her. Howard said that she's got great boobs. She said that she might dump her boyfriend for Artie if he lost 100 pounds. Artie said he could do that by next week. Gary asked her if she was excited because her nipples were very erect. She wasn't sure if she was and just gave him an ''I don't know...''
Howard asked Jennifer about this threesome that she had quickly mentioned. She said that she told her boyfriend that she was into girls and that she wouldn't be opposed to a threesome. She said that she found a woman on the web who she asked about doing a threesome and she agreed to it.
Howard asked Jennifer if she'd ride the Sybian for $500. She said that wasn't enough. Artie said he'd give her $20,000 to have sex with him this afternoon. It was up to $30,000 within a few seconds. Howard kept trying to convince her to ride the Sybian but she wasn't interested in doing it in front of a bunch of guys. Artie threw out the offer to have sex with him again but she turned it down. She said she wouldn't do that because she's not a whore. She said she is attracted to Artie so he knocked the offer down to $15,000. She said she might do it if he lost 100 pounds. He said he can't do that by this afternoon.
Jennifer said she might be willing to ride the Sybian for two thousand dollars. Gary said he might be able to get her a thousand but that was it. He told her that it would be a cool thing to do. Artie told her that she's hotter than Carmen Electra at this point. She eventually broke down and said she'd do it with her panties down. Gary said the money was coming from Beecueticals which is one of their sponsors. Howard gave them a plug but Artie was rushing him through it to get to the Sybian ride. Gary showed her where to sit and how to make the Sybian work for her. She was wearing her panties and the guys thought that she might be better off if she wasn't wearing any. She kept them on though.
Howard asked Jennifer to just ignore them and let loose when they run the Sybian. The guys made Gary wear a mask during this so Gary said he hopes it doesn't keep him from doing his job correctly. Howard had Gary turn it on a few seconds later and watched as she tried to get into it. Jennifer said it felt good as Gary was turning up the power. She said she felt like she was going to fall off of it. She made a few sounds but not all that many and also laughed through most of it. She finished a few minutes into it and said she usually sounds different than that.
Artie raised up his offer to $80,000 after the Sybian ride. Will pointed out that her nipples were so hard that the headphone cord kept getting caught on them. Artie then raised his offer to $100,000. Jennifer was still turning it down though. That led to Artie asking if he thinks that Richard would let a gay guy blow him for that kind of money. The guys figured that Richard would be willing to do more than that for that kind of money.
Howard got back to Jennifer's lesbian story and asked about the girl he met on the web. She said that they met out at a bar one night and took it from there. She said that the girl was attractive so they took her back to their house after having a few drinks. Howard asked her how they get into it. She said that they watched some TV and usually it's the girl's first time when they do this stuff so it takes a little while. There was a popping sound in the studio from a bulb that had broken so Howard said that was actually the head of his penis exploding and Artie said it was his right nut.
Howard asked Jennifer what happens when they get the girl back to their apartment. She said that they undress and start kissing and kind of ease into the eating out thing. She said that her boyfriend will feel up the other chick and will bang both of them. Artie wondered why he doesn't have that kind of thing going on in his life. He said they're all a bunch of losers.
Howard wanted to see her boyfriend to see who is getting a chick like this. He and Artie said they know they're going to hate him. He came in and Howard said ''Are you kidding me?'' which was the predictable comment. The guy is a web developer and he met her on the internet of course. Artie said he's got to get a computer. The guy said he met her on a dating site but couldn't remember which one it was. She said she wasn't able to meet the right kind of guy in her regular life so she went to the dating site. Artie asked the guy how old he was. He said he's 38 years old but Artie said he found that hard to believe because he looked like he was in his 40s. Howard said he hates this guy because he's getting a chick that brings chicks home to him. The guy said he's not sure he wants to get married or not. Jennifer wasn't sure either and said she doesn't want any kids.
Howard said he really likes this girl. Artie asked Jennifer if the girls they get are in her league. She said they are sometimes. Howard wondered if this guy calls his friends and brags to them. Jennifer said he doesn't have any friends to brag to. Artie said that he's 30 sit-ups away from that guys' body and he thinks he could get her. Howard wrapped up with Jennifer and finally found out her boyfriend's name, Jake. He went to break after that.
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 10:25am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the Win Fred's Money segment they played. He said he's not sure where Fred pulls those answers from. He said he doesn't think he could beat Fred at that. He said you need timing and a breadth of knowledge. Jon said people come in and deliver. He said that they had that guy ''The Beast'' who tied with Fred. He said part of him wants to try it but part of him thinks he'd get his ass kicked.
Benjy said he thinks that it's one of the things on the show that isn't hype. He said he thinks he would lose to Fred too.
Steve said Jon could probably win in a game where they have 80s TV trivia. Jon said he thinks he could beat Gary in a trivia game. He said Fred is one that he doesn't think he could beat.
Steve said he thinks that Ken Jennings tied with Fred too. He said they had to go into overtime with that one. Benjy asked if Fred would be a Jeopardy contender. Jon and Steve said they think he would be.
Jon said he watches Jeopardy and so does JD. He said sometimes you can be on a roll and get a bunch but that game can be pretty hard.
Benjy said he thinks when people do really bad on Jeopardy they're looked at very differently. He said that happened to Wolf Blitzer. Jon said he thinks that he'd end up throwing the buzzer because he wouldn't have the patience for it. Steve asked what Fred's weaknesses are. Jon said sports is the one area he can think of.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his friend Steve beat Fred in Win Fred's Money in 2005. He said they came up with a pattern of how people lose to Fred. He said most people waste time. He said his friend Steve practiced to just move on to the next question. He said he thinks that he beat Fred by 2 seconds. Jon said he's right about that. He said if you get a question the impulse is to come up with the answer. He said a lot of times people will lose on time.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they think would happen if Fred did better than Robin in Jeopardy. Jon said he thinks that it would be fine. He said that Robin had a bad game in the last Jeopardy she played. He said that happens. He said it could happen to Fred too. Jon said if it was Robin, Fred and Gary playing he thinks that Fred would win the game.
Benjy said he has a hard time reading Robin and what penetrates her and affects her. Jon said he thinks they all do. Benjy said she acts the same on and off air but he can't read her.
Jon said in the first segment this morning they played the fight after Miss America the book came out. He said everyone talks about what Howard wrote about them and Robin thought he was horrible to her. Jon said they were all upset by what Howard wrote about them. Jon said he remembers reading the book and he remembers thinking about how he didn't know what's how Howard felt about some people. He said he thinks that if he wrote that book today it would be the same kind of thing. He said there might be jealousy between some of the guys there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they know Fred's IQ or SAT numbers. Jon said he doesn't know his SAT scores and he knows he won't take an IQ test. He said he doesn't want to do it and he feels he has everything to lose if he does take it. Jon said he almost regrets taking it himself. He said he doesn't think an IQ tells you everything about a person. Benjy said he's not sure that Fred took the SATs. Jon said he is extremely bright either way.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she watched Robin on Jeopardy and she has the worst stage fright she's ever seen. Jon said he thinks she just had a bad day. He said she had done it before that time. He said she definitely locked up.
The caller asked what Robin's relationship is with Dr. Roni. She said she thinks that she missed something with her and she was shocked to see a sign out on the street for Dr. Roni under a burrito sign. Jon said he's not sure what's up with that. He said he doesn't think it has anything to do with Robin though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows he can beat Fred at Win's Fred Money. Jon said that it's not as easy as it sounds. He asked what's different about him. The caller said he knows the strategy of the game and he has them licked. Jon said he admires his confidence. He said he'll put him on hold and take down his information. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said this afternoon they'll have Enrique come in to sing and defend himself. He said that it was just awful to hear though. Benjy asked if it ever came up how it got out. Jon said obviously someone screwed him over. JD said that was pre-internet and it wasn't that big. He said it was starting to explode but people weren't putting it up on the internet. He said he thinks someone just sent out an audio file to Gary.
Jon asked JD how he thinks Fred would do on Jeopardy. JD said he'd like to think he'd do well but he doesn't really know. JD said he guesses he'd do good. He said from what they can tell he'd do well. Jon asked if anyone there would do better than Fred. JD said it sounds like someone is fishing for a compliment. Jon said he already said that Fred would beat him.
Jon said someone called in and said that Robin had stage fright the last time she was on Jeopardy. JD said she's pretty comfortable on camera. He said he thinks that they get a background of certain contestants and they work their strong suits into the categories. He said that's just a theory he has. Jon asked if they would have a lot of University of Michigan for him. JD said either that or sports.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jon saw the Sharknado 2 movie trailer where they have a nice Jump the Shark reference. Jon said he did see that. He said that Mark McGrath got in that reference. Benjy asked if he gets a thrill when he hears that kind of thing. Jon said he does. Jon said the most bizarre reference was when they used it when they were referring to Timothy McVey. He said that made him feel kind of bizarre.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought it was funny how they were talking about Uma Thurman being with Quentin Tarantino and now they're actually together. Jon said he's not sure that those rumors are true. JD said if they are then Quentin put in a lot of time to get her.
The caller also brought up how Quentin has a foot fetish and how he had a close up of her feet in the movie. Jon asked JD if he would do something like that with an actress. JD said he didn't think that it was about a foot fetish. He said she was trying to move her feet in that scene. Jon said that he should remember who wrote that movie though.
Benjy asked if Tarantino uses feet a lot in his movies. JD said there are a lot of feet scenes but he's not sure if it has to do with a foot fetish. JD said he wouldn't do that with his own fetishes. JD said he wouldn't write that the only way to kill a zombie is by stomping them if he had a foot fetish. He said it would have to be organic.
Jon asked the guys if they're obsessed with feet. Benjy said he doesn't think so but he can recognize symmetrical feet. JD said he thinks Ralph might. He said King of All Blacks does. Steve said Ralph definitely does. He said he has taken pictures of feet on the subway.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was watching the Private Parts movie and he knows Paul Giamatti was in the movie and he's wondering why he hasn't been on the show since. Jon said he has been on the show before. JD said he was on promoting some movie not that long ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who mentioned some foot scene in a movie that Tarantino wrote. The guys pointed out that Robert Rodriguez actually directed it though.
Jon asked JD if Tarantino is a hero of his. JD said he admires the guy. He said he really likes some French director. He said the guy is very edgy.
Benjy asked JD if he liked directing ''It's Always Sunny'' and if he has a burning to do it more now. JD said yes. He said he also has a bit of a panic mode going on. He said he feels he needs to do something. Jon asked what he means by that. JD said he feels he needs to keep it going or he'll go back into a sort of rut he's been in. Jon asked if he has been contacted yet. JD said not yet. No one has seen his work on ''Sunny'' yet though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Richard Christy was disgusting in that clip they played today. He asked if things have changed. Jon said Richard is more hygienic than he was when he started there. He said he's staying cleaner and going to the dentist more. Benjy said he has smelled Richard and he smells clean. He said he has a great, fresh smell... generally. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon asked Chuck about the book and about the good guy and bad guy thing he writes about in the book. Jon said that they talked to Bryan Cranston about the good and bad guy thing when he was in. He said that everyone has both inside of them and it's a matter of how much of it you let out. Chuck said people debated about whether or not he was a good or bad guy right up until the end.
Jon said that Chuck writes about Dice Clay and Gilbert Gottfried in his book. Jon and Chuck spent a little time talking about them and what they may go down in history for. Chuck said he thinks that Gilbert is going to go down in history for being a ground breaker.
Benjy was also talking to Chuck about how people perceive being offended. Chuck said the internet has made it easier to shop and made it more dangerous to talk.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Chuck's. He said he was born in North Carolina and he wondered about something he wrote about the 80s being the most important decade in music. Chuck said he definitely doesn't think that's the case. Chuck said he wrote that in about 1997 or 98. He said that's when people were talking about the 80s.
Jon asked if Chuck hates any bands. Chuck said it feels weird to him to hate bands. He said it seems almost childish to hate the Eagles. He said he used to dislike them but for symbolic reasons.
Chuck told a story about this kid who was in his class in school and how he followed his career into professional baseball. He said he hated the kid in school and he wrote about how he could never sleep knowing this guy was famous. He said the guy Rick Helling is who he was talking about. He said the one person who he identified as his enemy became a truth pioneer with the steroids thing and it was so ironic to him.
Jon asked Chuck where he thinks Howard stands in the villain thing. Chuck said in the early stages of his career he thinks Howard wanted to be looked at as a villain. He said he thinks that as time has gone by he seems to be the only one asking celebrities about the real stuff and he seems mildly heroic these days.
Jon asked if Chuck thinks that the villains like being villains. He mentioned a chapter about OJ Simpson. chuck said if the person likes being a villain then they might be psychopaths. They spent a little time talking about that.
Jon asked if you can hate a sports team because he really hates Ohio State because he went to Michigan. Chuck said he can hate them. He gave Jon an explanation for why it's okay.
Jon had Jon Leiberman give them a rundown of his headlines for today's show. He also got in a plug for his Leiberman Live show and he mentioned that Riley Martin and Buzz Aldrin will both be on today. Leiberman ran down some more headlines and they ended the show around 11:25am.
Fred To Be A Father! 5/24/02. 6:05am
Howard said he must be in a good mood this morning because he actually said ''hi'' to Benjy. He usually doesn't do that. He told Robin that if she hears him say ''Good morning Benjy'' there must be something wrong with him.
Fred was also in a good mood. He had an announcement to make... His wife Alison is pregnant! Fred is going to be a father! Robin couldn't believe it and said he'll be a good father in a ''Munsters'' kind of way. Howard said he thinks Fred will be a good father. Robin said she's worried the child will turn out like Fred. Howard wanted to know if Fred will introduce himself to his child as Fred or Eric since he changed his name about 8 years ago. Howard told that story again to let people know just how wacky Fred is. Howard congratulated Fred about the news and Robin threw in her congratulations too but it was a few minutes late.
Fred says that he will never molest his child but Howard predicts that he'll kill anyone who looks at the kid the wrong way. Stuttering John came in and goofed on Fred a little bit himself. Like he's any more normal than Fred.
Fred said they're thinking of using James as a name for the baby if it's a boy. They don't really have a name for a girl yet. Howard looked at Fred and said that he thinks he's going to have a baby girl... and it will look like Fred. Robin suggested that if it is a girl, they name it Erica. Robin continued to goof on Fred so he started firing back making fun of her and how wacky she is. He didn't want to hear much of anything she was saying. Robin asked if Fred can relate to the world or people. Fred said he can relate to people better than she can. Robin said she's not having a child though. Howard said Robin wouldn't be a good mother but she knows enough not to go there. They think that Fred may have problems when the child has major issues and can't relate to them.
Howard took a phone call from a listener who complained about Robin giving Fred crap whenever he has a happy moment in his life. Gary came in and said that there is a bit of joy in Robin's voice when she makes fun of Fred. She just giggled and laughed at everything they were saying.
Robin said that Gary is a great father and she's never made fun of him about that. Howard said Gary puts him to shame the way he fathers his kids. Howard said he's had to go to psychotherapy to learn how to be a better father and most people can't afford to do that. Robin said she thinks that Alison will make a good mother even if Fred isn't a good father.
Jessica Hahn called in and said she thinks he'll make a great father. She also broke the news that she used to have a crush on Fred years ago. She never told him that though.
Some people called in and started giving Fred ideas for names. They also learned that if it's a boy they're going to have is circumcised even though Fred is usually against doing stuff like that. Fred said Alison wants to raise the kid Jewish so he would have to be circumcised.
Fred said they've been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years now. Fred is 46 and his wife is 40. Howard wondered why Fred didn't come to him earlier for advice.
Martina Navratilova Visits. 12/04/07. 8:40am
Howard gave Martina Navratilova an intro and talked about all of the stuff that she's accomplished in her tennis career. Howard said she was so dominant in her career that they wanted her to play against men. Artie said that she wouldn't even fit in the top 500 men players though. Howard and Robin asked him why he had to go there. Artie said he likes saying stuff like that.
Howard asked the guys to bring Martina in there, he didn't want to wait. She came in a short time later. She said that they held her up downstairs because of her ID. They didn't recognize her at the security desk. Howard introduced her to George Takei. She said she knows who he is, she used to watch Star Trek and she watches Heroes too. She said she missed the first few episodes this season so she has to get them on her iPod.
Howard talked to Martina about her tennis career and also about her being a lesbian. Howard said that he likes that she has the ability to turn a straight woman gay. He said she's had so many accomplishments in her life including dating this Judy Nelson woman. He said that she was a married woman and a former beauty queen that Martina turned gay. He said that she watched Martina play and she dumped her husband and ran off with her. Martina said that Judy pursued her and it wasn't the other way around.
Howard said he didn't want to pry into her life but he was so in awe of this whole story that he had to know more. He asked her details about how this married woman becomes gay and dumps her husband. Martina said they just went out to lunch and that was that. She said that Judy asked her to lunch from what she remembers. She said that was like 23 years ago though so she wasn't sure if that was the whole story. Martina said she rarely went on dates back then but she had a connection to this woman as soon as they went to lunch.
Martina said that Judy did have problems in her marriage before all of that happened. Howard told her that it was an amazing accomplishment. He wondered if he could turn Martina straight. She said that she may not go straight but she can be with men. It's all emotional stuff, not physical. She said that she has been able to get aroused with a man. She said that she hasn't been able to get it on with a man emotionally, that's the problem. She said that she has had a man since she was 17 and Robin said that was a revelation right there. She said she was just kidding about that.
George Takei said that this happens with all gay people. He was able to have a relationship with a woman and he loved her. Howard said he knew a guy who had sex with a woman he thinks was gay and the guy came out with a black and blue penis because she wasn't into him.
Howard said that he doesn't want Martina to seduce his woman. He asked her to promise to never do that to him. She laughed when she heard that. Howard gave her a plug for the AARP since she's now their health ambassador. Howard said that they sent him a card from the AARP when he turned 50 and it was very upsetting.
Martina said that if she could get to Artie and help him out with her health plan, she'd have him playing basketball every day. Artie said that he'd have to lose about 25 or 30 pounds before he could do that. Howard and Robin told Artie he has to start doing that now, he can't wait any longer.
Howard had Artie tell Martina what he had for breakfast this morning. He had a bagel, Hawaiian punch, a coffee from Starbucks and chocolate chip cookies. Martina said that was quite a combo. Artie went on to read Martina the list of problems he has, that were listed in Playboy. He read the paragraph where they talk about problems like:
Howard got back to Martina and asked her more about this married woman that she hooked up with. Martina said that she wasn't very proud that the woman left her husband but she did date her for 7 years after that so things worked out pretty well for them. She said that she was number 1 in tennis when they met and still number 1 when she broke up with her. She had to settle with her when they broke up even though they were just dating. Martina said that they were living together though.
Howard said that Martina dated a woman before this Judy woman and that one actually shot at her. They talked about that a little bit and Howard found out that Martina may have been cheating on that woman, Rita May Brown, when she got angry with her and shot at her. Martina said that she claimed that she wasn't aiming at her but the bullet just missed her by 10 inches or so. She said that she wouldn't have gone public with that if someone else hadn't come out with the story.
Artie said that maybe Martina should have given that other woman the backhand like Sean Connery says you should do. He said that two broads can fight, they're not men. Howard and Robin told him that you can't have any violence in a relationship like that.
Howard said that if someone shot at him, he could never sleep until it was resolved. Martina said that the other woman was in shock after she did it so she wasn't even able to move after she took that shot. Martina said she wasn't afraid to go home after that, they took the gun away from her. Years later that woman and Judy Nelson hooked up and dated for a short time. Martina said that was very weird.
Howard said that this is some life she's had and wondered if she ever had a threesome or orgies or anything like that. Martina said she thought she would have one some day but it just never happened. She said that she missed out on a lot more than he knows.
Howard thought that Robin was falling for Martina and she was going to steal her away. Martina said that she's married and Robin is straight so that was never going to happen and things worked out for their friendship. Howard said he always pegged Martina as going for the younger women but she's actually dated older women most of the time. Howard went through a list of women that she had dated and most of them were older than her at the time they dated.
Howard asked about the lesbian thing and if it's true that women like women more because they spend more time caressing and stuff. He said that Beth doesn't care about foreplay. Robin said that she must be ''very hetero'' then.
Howard said that Martina has been with her woman for 7 years now but they're not legally married. George said that he's been with Brad for a very long time but they're not legally allowed to marry. He said he would marry him if it was legal to do so. He said that he'd invite Howard to the wedding too. Howard and the guys talked about how they think that even George Bush isn't against the gay marriage thing but he panders to those people who think it's wrong.
Howard asked Martina about Rosie O'Donnell and if she could be attracted to her. She said that it all depends on the person. She said that it doesn't matter if they are over weight. She met Robin when she was still heavy and still liked her, as a friend. Howard asked what's more important, kissing, caressing the breasts or the vagina. Martina said that all women are different so it all depends on that person.
Howard said that he spends very little time on the breasts because he's a vagina man. He said he loves vagina. Artie said that when you get in a vagina, you realize that it's a perfect match and God did that for a reason. Howard asked if toys are important. Martina said that they used to be, but they're not essential now.
Howard said that Martina must want to be with a woman who is in shape. She's in such good shape herself that she must want a woman around who is like her. She said it's really not like that, they have to be healthy but not into sports as much as she is.
Howard asked Martina who she thinks was the best male tennis player. She ran through a bunch of names of the guys she thinks were great. Howard took a phone call who asked Martina if she took steroids when she was playing. She said she never did that and she advised a 15 year old boy against using stuff like that one time. Howard said that she used to work out a lot from what he remembers.
Another caller asked Martina if she ever fantasized about Chris Everett. She said that she really was cute but she never went there with her. She never did that with any tennis players because they were too close.
Howard said he thinks that Martina's life is good now and it had to be tough for her when she was growing up. She said that her father was tough on her teaching her tennis but he helped her get to where she did in her career. Howard said he heard that her father didn't like that she was a lesbian. She said that they didn't talk a lot after that but they did talk some. He eventually read a book about homosexuality and came around. She said that they didn't stop talking completely, they always talked. She said she did take it very personally though.
Howard said he and Martina have to sit down and have lunch sometime. He said he was picturing some stuff that he'd be doing to her if he was a lesbian woman. He said he saw tennis racquets flying around and stuff like that. Martina said that she used a tennis racquet for breaking crab claws one time so that came in handy.
Howard ended up talking about his upcoming wedding and said that they have decided what it's going to be like and when they might be doing it. They're talking to someone who plans these things so they're working on it now. Howard asked if Martina thinks that it'll end in disaster. Martina said she hopes not. She thinks that he knows what he wants now and where he wants to go with it.
Howard wrapped up with Martina and gave her some plugs for the AARP thing. He said you can find out more at AARPFitness.com. Martina said that people have to stay active to stay healthy and that's what she's trying to promote.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Martina is proud that Martina Hingis was named after her. Howard didn't know that was the case but it turns out that it was true and Martina was very happy with that. She played against her mother years ago and she liked that she named her daughter after her. The caller also asked if Anna Kournikova is her type. She said that she's really not.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what kind of panties she was wearing. They soon found out that she doesn't wear panties at all. Howard was wrapping up with Martina but she mentioned that she does some art where she paints with tennis balls. Robin didn't have one yet so Martina said that she'd bring one along with her next time.
Howard asked Martina about drug use and found out she did try some of the not-so-heavy stuff. She said that she's a real lightweight though and got high from painting her nails this morning.
Artie asked Martina if she thinks that there were any guys from her era that she could have beat. Martina said that there was a bet back then saying that she couldn't beat a guy who was ranked 100 and she thought that she could have beaten one. She said that if she had done something like that, she would have had to have had a guy who was similar in stature to her. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Kevin's Not-So-Funny Stunts. 02/05/08. 7:45am
Howard said that he has this guy Kevin Kraft coming in. He said that he works there but he didn't know just how weird he was. He asked Kevin what he does there and found out he goes through clips that they get submitted from people from the old radio show. He puts those clips into the prophet system that they use for their audio clips. Kevin is also the guy that Joey Boots is really into and wanted to go out with.
Howard said that Kevin is kind of into this Jackass-type stunt stuff and tries to sell tapes of the stuff they do. Kevin said that he tried selling tapes but they didn't sell all that well.
Howard said that Kevin had his taint pierced one time but he doesn't find Kevin to be all that much of a funny kind of guy. Kevin said that he's always been a fucked up kind of guy and his friends are the ones who told him to get into this stuff.
Howard played a clip of Kevin getting his taint pierced and watched some of what was going on. Howard said that it wasn't really funny, it was more sick than funny. He said that it was really hard core stuff.
Artie said that when you see those Jackass guys doing stunts, it's funny. The stuff he was watching wasn't funny. He said that he likes Kevin a lot but this just wasn't funny.
Howard said that the Jackass stuff has inspired people to do some really crazy stuff. Kevin said that the needle that they used was much thicker than a needle that they'd usually use.
Howard read some notes about some of the other stuff Kevin has done. He did acid one time and drove his car which Howard said wasn't funny and it was very dangerous. Kevin said that was when he was 18 or so and he knows that was dumb.
The guys thought that Kevin was a rich kid because he went to a boarding school but Kevin said that he went there because he had a learning disability.
Howard read that one of Kevin's friends went over to his other friend's house to jerk off on the face of his buddy's mother's face. They didn't tape that one. Kevin also said that they tricked a guy into drinking a bottle of piss when he thought it was beer. He also stuck his nuts in a fan one time to get the guy to drink the piss. Kevin said he does this stuff because it's fun. He said he's been doing it since he was 16 years old.
Howard told Kevin that sticking his nuts in a fan is crazy and asked him to explain that to him. Kevin said that people do crazy stuff all the time for no reason.
Howard read about some other things that he and his friends have done. He said that they once threw a personal alarm into a restaurant and his friend ''accidentally'' yelled out ''Grenade!'' when they tossed it into the restaurant and they had to evacuate. Howard asked him why he does this stuff and what he's going to do if he loses his balls some day. He wanted to know if it's worth the risk. Kevin said that it is worth the risk.
Robin said that Kevin isn't a Jackass type because he has a job. There are people out there like Bam Margera who could never hold down a 9-5 job like Kevin could.
Richard and Sal came in and asked Kevin if he'd eat M&Ms out of Sal's pouch. Kevin heard the plan for how they were going to do it and he said that he'd do it no problem. Howard said he didn't want to see him do it and asked him why he would do it. Kevin said ''I dunno, why not?'' Howard told Sal to put the M&Ms in his pouch and show him what he was getting himself into. Sal uses his uncircumcised penis for the ''pouch'' and he can shove a ton of them in there.
Howard told Kevin that this can be a health risk and Artie told him that his old man could keep him from getting the family money if he does stuff like this. Kevin said that his father will probably find it funny. Sal wanted Kevin to lay on his back to do this but he didn't want to do that. Sal eventually fed him the M&Ms but they all fell past his face. He finally got one in there and Howard said that maybe he is funny.
Howard asked Kevin if he was alright. Kevin almost threw up after that so Howard was laughing. Artie said that if they had a funny meter on that side of the studio, it probably wouldn't read anything.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Kevin that they could have gone to jail for that grenade stunt. Kevin said that he knows that it was a stupid move, but it was years ago. Howard said that everyone wants to be these Jackass guys but they must research what's legal and stuff. The guys weren't so sure about that.
Artie told Kevin he could have mouth gonorrhea now. The Howard TV guys showed the replay and Richard said he looked like a baby bird taking the M&Ms in there.
Howard gave Kevin a plug for his Myspace page at Myspace.com/slowchildrenvideos. Richard asked him if he wanted to eat some stuff out of his ass crack. Kevin wasn't into that so the guys asked Sal to do it. Sal refused and told Richard to eat it out of his ass instead.
Richard put the Nutri-Grain bar in his ass but Kevin refused to eat it and so did Sal. Artie said that he'd give Kevin $500 to eat it. Kevin thought about it after that but he still didn't want to do it. Sal shoved the bar in Richard's ass when he stuck his foot over there. Richard said he was going to shove it in Sal's face after that. He chased him around a little bit and had the guys laughing.
Howard said that these stunts aren't that good and he's not that amused by them. Ralph called in and asked what's different between this guy and what Sal and Richard do. Howard said that when he ate the M&Ms it was kind of funny.
Isaac from Howard TV came in and said that some of the video is actually pretty funny. He said that they'll have more clips in the Howard TV show for this segment.
Ralph asked what was wrong with Kevin that he had to go to boarding school. Kevin said that he had a learning disability. Howard wondered why he hired him there if he has a learning disability. He actually catalogs the old shows so Howard wasn't sure that was the best job for him. Kevin said he also produces the Riley Martin show.
Artie gave him some advice about not pissing off his father over this stuff because he'll cut him off. Kevin said that his father is just like him and likes that kind of stuff so he should be fine. Richard said that Kevin is cool and he's into the same metal music that he's into. They go to concerts and stuff together.
One of the guys told Howard that the first time Richard got a stick of deodorant he smeared it all over his body because he had no idea how to use it. Richard said he didn't know how to use it and didn't ask his parents about it. He was 14 at the time and said that he wasn't sure if his parents ever used deodorant either because he never saw any around the house. Howard wrapped up with Kevin and gave him another plug for his Myspace page and went to break.
Beat The Geeks With Mark Cronin. 7/1/02. 8:30am
An old friend of the show, Mark Cronin, came in to play this game ''Beat the Geeks'' with Howard and the crew. Mark used to write for Howard's WOR show back in the late 80's. He got married, moved to L.A. and got divorced. Howard shared some of the stories about Mark's life and then moved on to talk about how his production company is the one doing the ''Beat the Geeks'' TV show and a bunch of others.
Howard explained the game and told us who the Geeks were. Stuttering John was the Star Wars Geek, Gary was the Rock and Roll Geek, Artie was the Sports Geek and Howard was the Superman Geek. Vinnie Favale from CBS was the host of the game so he asked all of the questions. He'd ask each of the two contestants a question, then one of the geeks a harder question. The contestants, Billy and Steve, were playing for $10,000 courtesy of RisqueVideo.com. Vinnie did his thing and the Geeks didn't do all that well against the contestants. Howard did the best out of all of the geeks. He knew more about Superman than anyone should know. The two contestants were pretty close at the end. Billy ended up winning though.
After they were done Howard had them ask him a bunch more Superman trivia questions. He knew most of them but missed a couple. He also goofed on Artie and John for not knowing much about the questions they got. They really blew it.
Sean Kenniff From ''Survivor'' Comes In. 8/1/01. 7:55am
Then Howard said that Joe Rogan and Vinnie Favale had been arguing about the popularity of ''Survivor'' and ''Fear Factor'' during a break. The argument quickly got started again and the two of them went at each others throats. ''Fear Factor'' was the number one show this week and it's been picked up for more episodes by NBC. Vinnie, a CBS executive, argues that ''Fear Factor'' hasn't shown up on NBC's schedule yet so it's not really a hit show and it means nothing to NBC. Joe argued that they're in production and they're on the air now and it's become a huge hit over the summer, just like ''Survivor'' did. Joe argued that Vinnie is just a ''company man'' who can't deal with the fact that another network show is going to beat their shows when it airs. Howard let the two of them go at it for quite a while and it made for great radio.
Howard also pointed out how pissed Vinnie got about the ''David E. Letterman'' bit Howard did last week. Vinnie thinks that people thought it was really Dave and Howard should have made it clearer that it wasn't the real David Letterman who was doing racial jokes. Howard replayed some of that segment and Vinnie was still pissed. The guy that did the Letterman voice is amazing and sounds a lot like the real thing.
Howard wrapped up the segment and as they went out Joe made some comment about Vinnie being a ''company bitch'' or something like that. At least Joe is willing to let his real feelings out about this guy. He's not afraid to stand up for his hit show.
Beatles Drummer Ringo Starr Comes In. 8/1/01. 8:40am
Beatles drummer Ringo Starr came in to promote his latest CD ''Anthology So Far.'' Howard spoke to him about living in Monte Carlo and how great his life is right now. Ringo said he lives in an apartment in Monte Carlo because people leave him alone and the tax situation there is very good. There are no taxes for him. He said he can go out and shop without worrying about people coming up and bothering him. Howard wondered how rich Ringo really is. Ringo said ''I'm so rich I'm doing this show...'' He said that because he didn't get the publishing money that Paul McCartney and John Lennon did, he only gets about half the amount of money that Paul does. They still see each other once in a while to talk about releasing Beatles albums and stuff like that. He also has to sit with Yoko Ono since she's got control of John Lennon's part of the whole deal. Howard tried to get Ringo to bad mouth Yoko but he kept his mouth shut. Howard spent a bit of time talking to Ringo about all of the Beatles money and how everyone has been treated. Howard also asked Ringo about the recent story in the news where George Harrison said that he was dying from cancer and he was fine with it. Ringo said that the story wasn't meant for the public to see and any conversation he had with George Martin should have been kept quiet. Ringo also said that Martin had a lot to do with the Beatles success but he should have kept the story to himself.
During the interview Ringo just wanted to get some plugs in for his album but Vinnie Favale kept asking dumb questions and inserting his own answers like he knew more than Ringo knows about himself. Ringo actually said he doesn't hate anyone but he was quickly learning how to the more Vinnie spoke.
Howard brought in another big fan of The Beatles, Andre. Andre is the guy who hits the delay button on Howard when he says something that might be considered ''dirty'' by the FCC. Howard was going to have a trivia contest between them but after a couple of questions Ringo was done with it. He just came in to promote his album and that's all he wanted to do. Howard kicked Andre out of the studio and wrapped up the interview a short time later. You can find out more about Ringo and his tour at RingoTour.com
Young Looking Jonathan Returns. 8/7/01. 8:25am
This 26 year old guy Jonathan, who looks to be about 12, was on the show yesterday. He'd gotten an offer to get sex from a woman but she totally freaked out when she saw him and refused to have sex with him. After that Howard got a bunch of phone calls from women who said they'd have sex with Jonathan. Only one of the three women actually showed up. Howard had Jonathan come in as well as this 21 year old stripper by the name of Ashley. Ashley said she was willing to have sex with the guy and she even brought her fiancee along with her. Howard said she's a really hot looking chick too. She was dressed in an orange tube top and a mini-skirt. Howard said her face and legs were nice and she turned out to be much better than he thought she would. Ashley said she didn't have any weird fetish or anything like that, she just figured she could bang the guy and move on. We later found out that she wanted implants and liposuction for her work. No big deal for Howard though. He said that Dr. Sal Calabro is always willing to give out a free set of implants for special occasions.
Surprisingly Jonathan said that he'd have to get back to this woman tonight or later this week because he had to get back to work. Howard told him to call in and let his boss know what he's got going on and just get it done already. He said he'd give it a try but he doesn't want to piss off his boss. Howard gave the guy a plug just so he'd be a little more forgiving. You can check out AutoBrake.com to support Jonathan's job.
Howard let Ashley's fiancee Dylan come in to talk to him for a couple of minutes. He doesn't have a problem with her letting this guy screw his woman. Ashley said she doesn't need any emotional attachment to Jonathan to screw him. She's just doing it to make him feel good for a day. Howard questioned Ashley about her fiancee and found out she doesn't know all that much about him. She wasn't sure of what his age was or what he does for a job but she's known him for 5 years. She said she knows his job but not exactly what he does. She was off by a year on his age too. Dylan said she initially lied to him about her age. She was only 16 when they met but she said she was 19. Now they're ready to get married but he's going to let her screw a guy to get it out of her system. We'll be hearing more about this story as soon as Jonathan gets the job done. He let everyone know that he has a very small penis too. He said he's actually kind of small for his size... which is only 4'11''.
After a commercial break Howard said he thinks that Ashley looked like Reese Witherspoon or Alicia Silverstone. Somewhere in that range.
Anyone Want Some Boiled Buffalo Testicles? 8/1/01. 9:35am
After talking about ''Fear Factor'' and how people had to eat buffalo testicles on Monday's show the producers of ''Fear Factor'' sent over some for Howard to check out. One of Howard's interns was actually willing to try eating one himself if he won some prizes for it. The balls were sent up to Howard's favorite chef, Chef Bobby, who boiled them so they'd be edible. Chef Bobby came in and gave Howard the testicles and intern Justin said he's try them out. He had to chew through the outer ''skin'' of the testicle to get to the ''meaty'' part of it. He tried it but ended up spitting some of it out which would have disqualified him on ''Fear Factor.'' He ended up winning a trip to Las Vegas for his attempt though. He said it had a very ''gamey'' taste to it. Benjy came in and said he'd eat one if he could win a RIM Blackberry Internet Wireless Handheld Device. He bit right into the testicle and ate it up. The tough outer ''skin'' didn't even stop him! He ate that part too. Howard said he was going to try it also but he gave up before Benjy came in and offered to eat one up.
Today's Unnamed Vacation Special was over around 10:25am.
Benjy said Vinnie makes you feel so good and so important. He said it's like how people describe Lonnie introducing you at Scores. Jon said Vinnie was part of his Jump the Shark TV show and he was very gung ho. He said he thinks his energy gets the best of him. He said he can't help himself. He said Vinnie is also an insane Beatles fan. Jon said they'll get into more of that.
Jon went over some other things that they played today. Jon said in the news they played Artie doing his Dean Wormer impression from Animal House. Jon said that movie really was great and ground breaking. Jon said they had Donald Sutherland on Wrap Up once and he talked about how he didn't think the movie was that good. It turned out to be one of the most successful comedies of all time. Jon said it was great when Artie did his impression too.
Benjy said the movie was an influence on culture. He said that a lot of people claimed their fraternity was what the movie was based on.
Jon asked Sal if he liked the movie. Sal said that's one he never saw. He said he remembers seeing bits and pieces of it. Jon said he should definitely watch it. He said he knows he didn't see Blazing Saddles so he got it for him for Christmas one year. Sal said he didn't see the Godfather movies for the longest time but he has since watched them multiple times. Benjy asked if that's because of his family not wanting to see it. Sal said they only had one TV in the house growing up so he never got to watch what he wanted to. He said his parents didn't watch a lot of TV either. He said the movies didn't come up until later on in life.
Sal said he never saw the whole Animal House thing. He said he thinks he relates Artie to Flounder in the movie than Belushi's character. Sal said he's just seen bits and pieces of it though. Jon said Sal should watch it. He said he has probably seen bits and pieces but he should see the whole thing complete.
Benjy said that they sometimes feel like Animal House there at the show. He said it's like it's us against them. Benjy said there is a speech in the movie that is just what Sal would do. Benjy said the guy who did it was a guy who went out with Katie. Jon wasn't sure what he was talking about. Benjy said it was in front of the courthouse. Jon said he knows what he means now. He said he was thinking of something else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was Tim Matheson who went on that rant Benjy is talking about. The caller also talked about Vinnie Favale and asked if his play is still going on. Jon said it's still happening and it's called Hereafter (HereafterMusical.com). Benjy said it's based on Vinnie losing his brother. The caller said he always liked Vinnie on the show and he pulls for him with that play. Jon said it's been off Broadway and he's trying to bring it on Broadway. He said he keeps at it and they all hope it succeeds.
Benjy said he saw the play with Mariann sitting next to him and both he and Mariann were crying during it. Sal said Vinnie was a fan of his and he took him out to lunch once before he was even on the show. Sal said he went out to dinner before going to see Aieda with his wife. He said the play just wasn't for him. He said there was an intermission and he got up and saw Vinnie out in the lobby. He said he and Vinnie agreed not to tell anyone they saw each other there. He said Vinnie probably liked it though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Vinnie bit with him and Ringo has to be the greatest bit where he talks over Ringo and answers his questions. He asked where that ranks for them. Jon said he thinks that it was a great moment on the show but not the best. He said Ringo was fuming and he's not sure if it was a nervous reaction from Vinnie or what. He said if Sal was sitting there doing that with someone from KISS if it would be the same. Sal said he knows to hold off during the interview. He said he wouldn't finish Ace Frehley's sentences like Vinnie did with Ringo. Jon said that was one of the most memorable moments on the show. The caller said you'd think Vinnie would know better than to do something like that.
Jon said he really thinks that Vinnie was the best at hosting game shows on the show because he always screwed them up. Benjy said he thinks Vinnie might have wanted to be talent like that. Sal said he is a beautiful person and he's like a kid with his interest in things.
Sal said that Vinnie is the VP of Late Night Programming East Coast and he is shocked. He said that he wonders how he can do that with the way he does things. Sal said he once prank called Vinnie when there were rumors that Letterman was leaving. He said he called Vinnie and said he had a great replacement for him. He suggested Melrose Larry Green. Sal said he edited the tape to sound like he was saying Howard Stern and you hear Vinnie bashing him and it sounds like he was bashing Howard Stern. Sal said the call came out so funny and he told Gary about it. He said Howard went along with it so it sounded like he was mad.
Jon had Vinnie on the phone so he picked up on him. Jon said that someone said that Ringo thing was their favorite moment on the show. Vinnie said someone told him the Joe Rogan thing was airing this morning. He said the Ringo interview was during the same show. He said Ringo was afraid to come in that day because the day before Stuttering John got into a fight with AJ Benza. Vinnie said he has never listened to that show since it aired.
Benjy asked why he didn't like it. Vinnie said it was two things on the same day and he felt like he was out of control that day. He said the Ringo thing was great radio but he thinks he comes off like an idiot in it. Vinnie said what people don't realize is that he was working with them on the syndicated show and he was like a segment producer. He said that Benjy was doing segment producing too. He said he was the one who produced that segment. He said he had the questions and the answers that Ringo would have given written down for Howard. He said he called him a slacker and he didn't know it was a negative thing. He said Ringo was very kind about it but he's sure he couldn't wait to get rid of him.
Sal asked Vinnie about his show Hereafter and if he believes in mediums. Vinnie said he thinks Theresa Caputo is great. He said he was blown away by what she does. He said they had 5,000 people in the theater and she blew everyone away.
Jon said Howard is very skeptical. Vinnie said he has never had a connection himself. He said he's skeptical too. Vinnie said he thinks it can happen though. Jon asked Vinnie what's going on with the play. Vinnie said they're coming back in September and doing it once a week on Saturdays.
Jon told Vinnie they also replayed him hosting Beat the Geeks. Vinnie said he didn't know that. Jon said they love him hosting games like that. Vinnie said that he did the Newlyweird Game too. He said that's the one everyone remembers. Vinnie said that was very difficult.
Sal asked Vinnie if he ever got pulled aside after being on the show. He said he didn't come off very smart at times. Sal said he is very bright but he doesn't come off that way on the show sometimes. Vinnie said he was never pulled aside. Jon thanked Vinnie for calling in and let him go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Jon asked how long ago he found he could make it a bird. Sal said he doesn't know. Jon asked Sal if he just thinks about things like that in his spare time. Sal said he does. He said he wanted to make an Oscar the Pouch thing where he'd paint it green and make it look like Oscar the Grouch.
Benjy asked if the guys who are circumcised every tried to make it look like it was uncircumcised. Jon said ''oh sure.'' Sal said he had to hide his penis from people his whole life. He said growing up it was a curse so he thinks of it like that movie Rudy. He said that it was an underdog. He said he went out with a girl who didn't like uncircumcised guys and he had to play along with it when people didn't like it. Sal said he had to hide his foreskin from people so they wouldn't see it.
Sal said he had a one night stand once and the girl didn't know he was uncircumcised. He said she was shocked by it the next morning when she saw it. He said most girls don't expect to see that in America. He said in Europe it would be different. Richard said they should do an after school special about ''The Boy with the Special Penis.''
Jon asked Sal if he was scarred for life. Sal said before he got on the show Howard talked about how he was against circumcision. He said that it was an emotional and psychological connection he had with Howard. He said he thought that was so incredible. Richard asked if he has a bond with Fred because he's uncircumcised as well. Sal said he does sort of.
Jon asked Sal if he knew what he was going to do with his kids before they were born. Sal said he knew how hard it was for him so he thought it would be best for his kids to be circumcised. Benjy asked if the kids ever asked why it's different. Sal said they have never really seen it. He said he hides it from them. He said he was shocked when he saw his dad's penis when he was growing up. He said it was big and bulky and it looked like the sand worm from Tremors. He said he doesn't want his kids scarred like that.
Jon asked Sal if he was inspired by Howard speaking out about the circumcision thing. Sal said it was very impressive to him. He said that he was happy he spoke out about it.
Jon brought up the segment where Fred announced he was having a kid and how Robin reacted to that. Richard said he thinks he'd be a good dad because he loves Halloween and cartoons and stuff. He said they also like their guinea pig. Jon said they know that he's a caring guy. Richard said he thinks that Robin would come out against him having a kid because of the things he's done on the show.
Shuli said his daughter loves Richard and he thinks that he'd be a good dad. Sal said his kids love Richard too. He said the whole family loves him. Benjy said he's Uncle Richard with the normal penis.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is uncircumcised and he got divorced a few years ago. He said he has dated and no one is afraid of it. He said his son is also uncircumcised and he's not getting any complaints about it. Benjy asked why he would know about the complaints about his son. Benjy said he thinks that women would be more afraid that he's from Transylvania. The caller said he hasn't had anyone who has had an issue with it. He said they do ask how it feels. Sal asked if he has cheese in the folds. The guy said he doesn't have any problems with it.
Richard asked the caller if he has been to Dracula's castle in Transylvania. He laughed but never answered. Jon let him go before he could.
Jon asked Sal if he would ever go to his parents and talk to them about the problems he had with his penis. Sal said never. Jon said he doesn't think any kid would.
Benjy asked Sal if he has ever been to a Bris. Sal said he has. Benjy asked if he ever felt like speaking up. Sal said he didn't. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that they were talking about Richard earlier and how well the guys get along with him. Benjy said Richard seems so happy to him. He wonders where the alcoholism comes from. Benjy said he knows he says he just likes it. Richard asked why it's so mystifying that he likes the taste of craft beer. He said he likes to have it every night. Benjy said they say that addiction comes from something. Jon asked if addiction has got to be a negative thing. He said it doesn't mean it's bad for him. Shuli said addition is about affecting everything in his life. He said if he wasn't productive then he'd be an alcoholic. He said he thinks Richard likes what he likes and when he's done with the responsibilities and priorities then it's Richard's time.
Jon and Sal said they think Richard is a functioning alcoholic. Shuli said that an alcoholic is drunk 24/7. He said that's not Richard.
Richard said he doesn't think it comes from some deep, dark thing. He said he just loves the taste of beer. He said he likes the buzz and he loves to unwind at the end of the day. He said it's just relaxing to him.
Jon said that people wonder if he's trying to cover up some kind of pain by drinking. He said that's a psychological take on that.
Shuli said they've heard every story about his life and he is such a happy go lucky guy that he doesn't see any reason for him to be an alcoholic.
Jon said he has seen Richard get angry. Richard said it's usually when a computer screws up. He said he doesn't get angry at people that much. Sal said he has had to calm him down a bunch of times. Sal said he just smashes his keyboard at times. That's as far as it goes.
Benjy asked if he's ever been in a fight. Richard said he has. He said he got hit in the face with a plastic pipe. Sal said he has seen Richard get angry and if you cross him then he's ready to knock you out. Benjy asked if he has ever been in a fist fight. Richard said he was in 2nd grade. He said he was on top of this kid punching him and stuff. He said it was a pretty big fight. He said that guy is now in prison. He said he's glad he fought him back then and not later in his life.
Jon took a call from a guy who said drinking and metal goes hand in hand. Richard said that's true. He said that he always loved that James Hetfield had a beer in his hand whenever he saw him. Richard also said that he's not upset that they don't do it anymore. He said that's not going to stop him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks Benjy said there has to be something in your history for you to drink. The caller said he's a recovering alcoholic and he does everything obsessively. He said he knows plenty of people like Richard who were happy growing up and they changed from that to being alcoholics. The caller said his childhood was pretty traumatic though. He said he was functioning just fine himself but then he got out of control. He said he thinks Richard used to drink a lot more. Richard said he did. He said he used to drink more hard alcohol too. He said now it's just craft beer. He said he never gets out of control with it.
Jon had Shuli run down his news headlines for today. Shuli went through a bunch and then they wrapped up and ended the show. They were done around 11:25am.
Martina Navratilova's Gifts To The Crew. 12/05/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show asking Robin about something that happened yesterday with Martina Navratilova. He said that Martina wants to go to dinner with him and he's thinking she wants to bang him to see what it's like to have a man. He went on to say that she gave him some gifts yesterday and they turned out to be really nice. He said that Martina and her girlfriend go to Africa and they brought some stuff back. He said that one of the gifts was a chess board from Africa with African chess pieces. He said it was really beautiful.
George Takei said that his parents went to Africa and saw some wild stuff over there. Howard said he'll never get over there to see any of that stuff. He also said that Martina got them a bulldog toy that sings and donated some money to the North Shore Animal League.
Robin got some gifts as well. She said that one of the things she's not even sure what it is. Gary had the same issue. He got something and he has no idea what it is. He showed it to everyone and no one was sure what it could be. They were thinking about putting it on the web site so they can ask someone to identify it.
Gary said that one of the Howard TV guys told him it's a wine bottle holder that you put a bottle in and it balances it. Brian Phelan was the one who came up with that. Howard said that figures, the alcoholic Brian knew what it was.
Robin wasn't even thinking about wine when she saw that. Howard said he was just kidding about the alcoholic thing with Brian too. Robin said that the thing she got isn't that, it was something that looked like a pen or something. Howard said this would make a good game show. They could have Martina give them gifts and they have to figure out what the hell it is.
Howard said he's not sure why he calls Brian an alcoholic because he only had one beer with him one time. He said he had a great time back then though and he'd like to be able to drink with him again. Brian came in and said that he was a little out of hand back then and he was told to calm down. He hasn't had a drink with Howard since then.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Robin is a moron because the wine bottle thing was to keep the cork moist. Robin said that's not it at all, he wasn't seeing what they were talking about. The guy apologized since he hadn't seen it.
Artie Comes Out Of The Closet To George Takei!? 12/05/07. 6:10am
Howard said he wasn't sure how to tell George this. He said they were in a meeting about 2 weeks ago and they were coming up with ideas for the show. They get all excited for George when he comes in. Someone came up with an idea he thought was good at the time. Then he forgot about it. He said that Artie took George into a room yesterday and came out of the closet to him, as a goof. Artie apologized right then to George for doing that to him. George didn't know that they had taped it and said ''Oh my god!'' a few times when he heard that.
Howard said that George had revealed something during that discussion that was very personal and they had to cut that out. George asked if there's any end to this stuff. Howard said there really is no end. Howard said Gary called him yesterday and told him about this and said that George didn't laugh or anything. He took it very seriously.
Howard said he forgot about this idea and Artie just went off and did it. He said that Artie was almost in tears because George was so loving and nice about it. George said that he was going to be there for him and he'd hold his hand through it.
Howard said that he wouldn't play this without George's approval. George said that there were a couple of things in there that he didn't want out there but Artie told him they did cut a little bit out. George also went on to say that there are a lot of gay guys out there who are like Artie and act all manly even though they're gay.
Artie said that this was the hardest acting assignment he's ever had. Robin asked him if he was really gay but Artie said no way to that. He said he's going to submit this for his Emmy.
Howard said he never thinks about how George would take this and he feels bad for goofing on him like this. George said that he really thought Artie was gay too.
Artie said that he was doing this as a goof and he almost started to cry when he thought about how George had to do this for real. He felt dirty doing it because George was telling him these really personal things after he broke the news. He asked George to stop so he didn't have to hear them. George said that they hugged after the conversation and he as going to kiss Artie but he decided against it.
George said that he didn't even tell Brad about this because he promised Artie that he wouldn't do that. Artie said that he used some stuff in his life to go back and create new stories for this whole thing. Gary told Howard that they should stop talking about it and just play the tape.
Howard said that they were going to play the tape but they'll stop it if George gets uncomfortable with any of it. Artie said that he was really despondent over the whole thing.
Howard said that they even have video of this whole thing going down. George had no idea. They showed the hug between the two of them and George was being very sincere. Howard said he thinks that Artie may be gay. Artie said they shouldn't even fuck around with that. He's not gay.
Howard said he was going to play the audio but Artie told George that he should be suspicious when someone comes out to him in Sal and Richard's studio. George then realized that this was all orchestrated and organized just so they could fool him.
Howard played the audio of the conversation and said that there were about 3 minutes taken out because it was too personal. In the clip we heard Artie telling George that this was very awkward for him and said that him coming on the show was a godsend. He tells George that he's very nice and they're good friends and he has a unique problem. He said that years ago he was on the road doing stand-up and rooming with a guy who was a homosexual. Artie said that it was hard to say out loud because it would have such an impact on his world.
Howard interrupted and asked George what he was thinking at this point. George said he didn't know that it was going where it went. He just knew it was something that was torturing him deep inside.
Howard got back to the audio and Artie is telling George about this guy coming on to him and how the guy tried to kiss him. He said there were some confusing thought in his head. Then Artie pauses and tells George that he kissed the guy. The other guy couldn't believe it. Artie tells George that they let it all go after that.
Howard said that Artie was stuffing food into his mouth while they were listening to this. George said that he's heard stories like this quite a few times.
In the conversation we hear George telling Artie he's happy he's coming out to him. Artie went on to say that he had full gay sex with the guy and they gave each other oral and then he fucked the other guy in the ass.
Howard interrupted again and George said that this was all improvisation and it was pretty amazing. Howard said that Artie called him yesterday and explained where he came up with the story and how he really didn't have gay sex. Fred said he's thinking that Artie really wasn't making this up and he's really gay. Artie told him to watch it, that wasn't true at all.
In the clip we hear Artie telling George about how he cried in the other guy's arms and how he wouldn't usually do that. He then tells George that he feels like a hypocrite for doing what he does on the show. George tells him that this is a common thing with straight guys. He said that the human animal is pansexual and they have the wrings in them to do things like that.
George goes on to tell Artie that there are homosexual acts in the animal kingdom as well so everything does it. He said that Artie isn't that unique, we all share that. Howard said that he would have started laughing at that point. George told him that Artie was acting and he was keeping it under control.
George and Artie kept talking about this and Artie said that he's been trying to keep this hidden and he's tried to make things work with women and it just doesn't work. He said that he wants to come out and just tell everyone what he's doing. He said that he could have the courage to help other men who are like him. George asked him to sit at that point but Artie didn't want to sit. Artie sits but then gets right up. George thought he didn't fit in the seat but Artie thought he was going to be out of camera range.
Howard said that they should screen this video in Union, New Jersey, where Artie is from. Artie said they can do that if they want to get shot.
In the audio clip George is telling Artie that it's tough for him too because he's a Japanese American who had to grow up during World War II. He said that he tried to survive in the straight environment but he was living a dual life. He said all of the gay bars were in the seediest part of town. Artie then tells him that he masturbates to all male porno.
George said that he pictured Artie masturbating to gay porn at that point. He said he then understood why he lived alone in that 2 bedroom apartment with a big screen TV.
Howard got back to the clip and Artie is telling George about how he has some money saved up and he'd like to come out on the show and do it on a day that George is there. He said he's given it a lot of thought and he knows that he has friends who will never speak to him again. He said he doesn't care now, he's 40 years old and he feels he has to come out now.
Howard said that Artie should have told George that he was in love with him and he wanted him to leave Brad. He said there was only a minute left of this tape so he got back to that.
Artie tells George that he's going to come out on the show and he feels really bad about calling Sal and Richard gay on the show. Then he says that this guy he made ''sweet love'' to really wants him to come out too. Artie said that he'd appreciate it if he didn't share this with anyone. George said that he wouldn't do that to him. He then talks to Artie about how he's going to survive and he's going to revive his career. He also said that he was a survivor.
Howard said he didn't know about that survivor part. He played the last few seconds where Artie tells George that he loves him and gives him a hug. The two of them talk about how great they both are. George said that Artie has some strength to him and pointed out that he didn't even play for money when they did that weight loss thing.
George said that he can't believe that Artie is that good of an actor and some of that stuff had to have come from somewhere. Artie said that he's not gay. George went in for a kiss at that point but Artie held him back. He said that he could kiss him on the cheek.
Howard said that Artie could have come out on the air and they could have done it that way. George said that it was probably best to do it this way. Artie said that if he tells anyone anything personal, it'll be George. He said if he murdered someone, he'd tell George.
George said that he really thought that this was something real and it was coming from somewhere. Robin said that George was talking to her about taking Artie to some Broadway plays. George said he was thinking about coming out here and taking Artie out instead of Brad. He said he was going to leave Brad behind next time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that this was an Oscar winning performance. He wondered what Sal and Richard were going to do with the clips from that conversation. Another caller said that this was one of the most fucked up things they've ever done. He said that it was kind of trivializing what a real gay man has to go through. He also thinks that Artie is really gay.
Howard said that he has this message from Artie talking about how bad he felt about this whole thing and how nice George was about it. He said he should play it.
George said that he really didn't have a problem believing that he was really gay. He thought about him in that apartment all alone watching gay porn and it all made sense. Howard took another call from a guy who said he knew that Artie was gay from that stand-up act he does.
Howard said that was it, we all learned that Artie was gay. Fred played Artie singing that Anne Murray song that he sang on the show one time. Artie was even singing along with the song as it was playing. He changed some words to include George in it. Then Fred played the ''Taking it in the Backdoor Mountain'' bit where they put clips of Artie talking to the gay guys he went out and got a make over with.
George said that Artie could have come out and had a lot of things to say for equality. Artie said he's all for equality. He said he can still do stuff for that. George said that he's going to recruit Artie for that. Howard thanked George for being so sensitive. He said it shows what kind of man George is and Robin said it also shows what kind of man Artie is.
Benjy came up with the idea so Howard asked him if that's the way he wanted it to go. Benjy said that it went great and they've actually been waiting about a year to do it. The guys asked George if he would have fallen for Artie if he had made some sexual advances toward him. George said he would have helped Artie but he didn't want to get into trouble with Brad who was listening to the show this morning. He wasn't going to say if he would have given Artie a hand job if he had asked for it. Artie took that as a yes. George laughed and said he wasn't saying that on the air. He didn't want to get into trouble. Howard wondered what George really would have done.
Howard took another call and a guy said that this explains why Artie took a load on his chest. Howard said he doesn't have a very articulate audience. Another guy called in and said that he has to come hang out with him. He said he'd put some grease on Artie's ass and slap him around. They went to break a short time later.
Young Looking Jonathan Sex Update. 8/8/01. 7:35am
This guy Jonathan, who's been on the show every day this week trying to get laid, called in this morning to give Howard an update on his sex date. The woman who came in yesterday, Ashley, was also in today to talk about what happened. Howard said Ashley looked just as hot today as she did yesterday. Howard let the two of them explain what happened last night when they finally got together. After yesterday's show it looked like Jonathan was going to head home and not return but he did hook up with her. Ashley told Howard that she drank a pint of tequila to get drunk enough to sleep with Jonathan. The two of them met up at a hotel and they did have sex. Ashley said that Jonathan wanted all of the lights out while they did this because he was so nervous about the whole thing. Ashley said she never saw him naked because it was so dark in the room. He wouldn't even let her see him put the condom on when he got around to it. Ashley said she was ''ready'' for sex enough that she didn't need any extra lubrication. Howard said that's because she's so young at only 21 years old. Jonathan said she was amazing and she treated him very well during their sexual encounter. She had to take his hand and rub it on her body which he actually thanked her for. He just kept saying that she was ''awesome'' over and over again. They only had straight sex one time but that was enough for Jonathan who hasn't gotten laid in about 8 years.
Howard brought in Ashley's fiance Dylan who is fine with all of this stuff. Dylan said he was hanging out on the balcony of the hotel room while his 21 year old fiance was letting Jonathan screw her. He said after Jonathan was done he came out on the balcony but stayed on the other end. Dylan said that he had to tell Jonathan he wasn't mad at him and it was okay to come down and hang out with him. Howard asked Dylan if he's from another planet or something because of the way he's treating the whole situation.
Jonathan got to plug his place of work before Howard finally wrapped up the segment. He works at Automotive Brake in Newburg and you can visit their web site at AutoBrake.com
Kid Rock And Reverend Run Visit. 03/20/08. 7:55am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a power company using Wendy the Retard audio clips. Fred played some Led Zeppelin as Howard was coming back. Howard said that Kid Rock is coming in and he's out on tour with Lynrd Skynrd.
Kid came in with reverend Run from Run DMC. He said that he heard that Reverend Run had gotten all serious over the years. Howard played a clip for Kid where this German porn guy is going ''AwwwwwWWWWWW.'' They took his song ''Bawitdaba'' and threw that clip in.
Howard moved on to talk to Run and how he got hooked up with Kid. He said that it was probably his TV show that made him seem like he was worthy of going out on the road with him. He said that Kid had asked to hang out with him in the Hampton's so they did that. they were talking about flying around in their private planes and stuff and that led to Howard talking about how crazy Kid is. Kid said that he got into a fight in a Waffle House not too long ago.
Run said that Kid is pretty wild and he will punch people in the face if they piss him off. Howard said that Kid was going to buy everyone in the Waffle House their meals. Kid said that he was in a good mood because his record was number one. Some kid was there eating with his fingers and he was acting like a jerk. He said that he was telling him he was going to sue him as he was eating with his fingers. Kid said that he had offered to buy him his meal but he was being a jerk about everything.
Kid said that he went off on the guy calling him a pig and the guy told him to go ahead and hit him. He walked over to the guy and someone else kind of jumped in. He said the guy had a knife in his hand and one of his guys saw that so he jumped in. He said that the guy got kicked out and he was outside showing everyone his dick and telling everyone he was going to come back and kill them all.
Kid said that the guy dropped a big window on him too so he got scared and started throwing stuff at him. He said that this stuff seems to come in waves because this was shortly after his Tommy Lee incident at the MTV awards.
Howard said that it seems like Kid has an anger problem. Kid said that people just aren't nice and they try to provoke him so he gets pissed. Run was saying that he's tried to tell him to just stay calm in those situations but he can't seem to do that.
Howard asked Run how long he's been married. He said that he's been married since 1992. This is his second marriage but this one he's rockin'. Howard asked him about Kid's 2 month marriage to Pam Anderson. Run said that they don't talk that much about that. He said he has told Kid that he might want to think about settling down because he is with a lot of chicks.
Howard asked Kid if he's dating a 21 year old stripper. Kid said that he went out with this woman that he was talking about but she's not a stripper. Howard said he saw that he was making out with another actress, Gabrielle Union, but Kid said that wasn't true either. It was rumored that he was with Paris Hilton too but Run said that wasn't true either.
Howard asked who the chick was that he brought to the Grammy Awards. He said that was a friend of his and he thinks of her as his sister. He said that she does bathing suits and the suit that Spitzer's girl was wearing was one of her suits. Howard asked Kid if he's ever made love to a high priced prostitute. Kid said he hadn't.
Howard asked Run who is richer, him or his brother. Run said that Russell Simmons is richer than he is. He said that they share the wealth though.
Howard told Run that this guy High Pitch Mike, who works for them, loves his show so much that he let a transsexual sit on his face to win a big screen TV just so he could watch his show on a big screen. Run said that's pretty wild. Gary said that Mike wanted to watch the show in HD but it turns out the show isn't filmed in HD so Mike did all of that for no reason.
Howard asked Kid about how great his life is going and what he's worth now. He wondered if it was over $150 million. Kid said he's not worth that much. He said he wishes he was. Run said that Kid has some nice homes around the country. He has one apartment that has 3 floors and an elevator to go between the floors. He has a lot of acres out in Michigan too.
Howard asked Kid who he's dating now. He said he's just going out with some people. Howard asked about this one chick that he dated who was really hot. He didn't have an answer for that. Howard said that he was getting married again and Kid said that he'd love to see the pre-nup that he has with that chick.
Howard asked Kid about this hot chick and why he broke up with her. Kid said that he just wanted to stay in Michigan and she wanted to move to Hollywood so he said goodbye to her. He said that getting married was a great time but being married is what really sucked. Howard said he doesn't get why he'd break up with a hot chick like that though. Kid said that he should know, he's the one getting married again.
Run said that a few people have asked him why they should be married. He said that it's good to be with one person. He said that some people want to chill out and it can bring some stability to your life.
Howard said that he does look at other women when they come in there. He said that he's got a good thing going with Beth and he's not going to give that up.
Howard asked Run about this reverend thing and if he has a church. Run said that he doesn't have an actual church but people see him on TV and can follow him through his web site RevRun.com.
Run talked about how out of control he was in the past and how he was smoking weed and stuff for years. He said that he almost committed suicide at one point. He said that he had a lot of beer and weed and maybe a couple of sniffs of coke back then. He said that he got to a place where he figured there had to be more out there.
Run told Howard that he has a couple of books that he has coming out. He's got one out already called ''Words of Wisdom'' and another one coming out in august called ''Take Your Family Back.'' Kid said that it has to be better than that Britney Spears book that her mother put out. Howard thought that Kid had Britney but he said that wasn't him.
Run said that he finds it funny that he's on a channel that you wouldn't think he'd be on but the people keep coming back season after season.
Howard asked Run about the miscarriage that his wife had and why he'd want to put that on TV. Run said that he wanted to show something that showed what he has to go through and how he reacted to it. He said that they had a child, it wasn't a miscarriage. The child passed away. Run said that the people saw him mourn and regroup after that loss. He said they went out and adopted a child after that. Run said that he was showing how he talked to his kids about what happened.
Howard asked Run what happened to the child. He said that the organs were grown outside of the child. He said that he didn't get too deep into it and doesn't know what it's called. He said that they learned about other people who were going through the same thing.
Howard asked Run where he adopted this child. He said he didn't want to get into that. He said that it was here in America though. Howard asked run why his wife didn't get an abortion with this child that had the organs outside the body. He said that he just wanted to leg God handle it all. He thought that he'd be able to find out what to do through prayer and that led to him keeping it on TV.
Howard asked Run about the stuff he must see when he's hanging around Kid Rock. He said he must see him getting blow jobs and stuff but Run said that he doesn't do that.
Howard gave Kid Rock and Run some plugs for their shows that they have coming up. They start their Rock'n'Roll Revival Tour on April 4th. You can find out more at KidRock.com. Kid mentioned that J. Giles is going to be in the show. That led to Howard talking about him a little bit and how he should have stayed in his band instead of going out on his own.
Howard asked Run if he would let Kid Rock date his daughter. Run said ''Hell no!'' He asked Howard why he'd do something like that.
Gary said that High Pitch Mike was out there walking around looking nervous and wanting to meet Run. Howard told Gary to let him come in since Run didn't want to see him take a penis in his ear or anything like that.
Mike came in and told Run that he loves his show and the positive example it shows to families out there. mike said that he gets most of his spiritual advice from run's web site. He said that he's very down to earth and tells it like it is. He gets his daily word of wisdom but didn't have today's. He said that he had one that he used after his fight with Artie.
Mike said that it was something like ''Never give away your power to other people's opinions. What god thinks about you is what matters.'' Artie told Mike that it appears that God hates him. Howard said that he's not cool, he's got the high pitched voice and all of that. The guys showed Run and Kid the picture of Mike with Siobhan the Transsexual sitting on his face.
Mike asked Run what he thinks about this pastor that Barack Obama is friends with. Run said that he liked the speech that Barack made about the guy. He said that he thinks that pastor may have been speaking out in anger.
Kid said that he can't vote for Hillary so he's either going to go for Barackor John McCain. Howard told the guys that Barack can't win because he's made a bad decision about being friends with that racist preacher. He said that he's going to vote for Hillary Clinton and he has to support her.
Howard wrapped up with Run and Kid and gave them some more plugs for the upcoming tour. He asked Run about the death of his friend Jay. Run said that he's going to let a higher power deal with that and didn't have a lot to say about it. He said that the show they're doing at Madison Square Garden in April is going to be great.
Irish John called in and asked Run if OJ is innocent or guilty. Run didn't have an answer, he said they were about to end the show. He told him to go to his web site and get the daily word of wisdom thing. Kid told Howard about some of the stuff they're doing at the shows and Howard seemed to like what he was hearing.
Howard asked Kid if he's going to be picking out girls to have sex with after the show. Run said that they're going to have communion after the show and they won't be doing anything like that. He jokingly told Howard to end the interview there. Howard didn't do that and asked Run what the worst thing was he ever did with a woman. Run said that he's a married man and can't talk about that stuff.
Howard asked Run how he was going to kill himself. He thought about jumping out of a window but didn't want to get hurt. He thought about some other stuff but didn't get into too many details.
Howard mentioned that Ryan Phillippe was coming in next. He said that he just got a 4 star rating in the paper for this new movie ''Stop Loss'' that he's in. Kid said that he knows that there is terrible shit going on in this war but there are also a lot of great things going on over there too. He said that the soldiers don't talk about that because they're too proud of what they're doing. that led to Howard talking about his (fake) time in Vietnam. He said that he killed a lot of people over there. Robin let out a big laugh when he started to talk about that stuff. They went to break a short time later.
Ronnie And His Girlfriend On Bubba's Show. 04/25/11. 6:05am
Howard said he didn't know where to begin with the stories this morning. Howard said Ronnie was down in Tampa visiting Bubba and Bubba has an internet radio show. He said he's like a Jamaican with all of the jobs he has. He has a pay service radio show and the regular radio show. Howard said he just wrote Bubba wishing him a happy birthday. He said he has the RadioIO.com thing going on and Ronnie was on that. He said that Ronnie is always saying he doesn't want to talk about this girl he's dating but he went right on Bubba's show to talk about it. He said he thought he didn't want it known that he has a really young girlfriend. She's like 23 or 25 or something. He said that he was blabbing away like a mother fucker on Bubba's show.
Robin said she had to hear this. Howard said Bubba got it out of him somehow. Howard played some of the audio and Howard went off on Robin too because she'd talk about Mr. X on other shows but not on this show.
Bubba was talking to Ronnie about his girl who is actually 27 and Ronnie told Bubba stories about her. He said that her parents are actually younger than him. Howard said Ronnie says the dumbest things. He's talking about how they're younger and trying to fit in with Bubba using his lingo. Howard said Ronnie has no lingo of his own. He said he used to use that ''throw him under the bus'' a lot and he gets into that stuff. He said that it's not the best part of the deal having her parents being younger than him. Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie talking to Bubba and the guys.
Howard said Ronnie has like 60,000 Twitter followers and he's on Bubba's show with his girlfriend. He said that it's all from this show. Howard said Ronnie has made a whole life out of it. He said he used to go crazy being stuck in the car all the time. He said now he's out there and people do want to see him. He said he'd like to talk to him about fucking this girl in her 20s but he won't talk about it there. Howard said he was busy talking to Bubba about it on his show instead.
Howard said they got really graphic in this clip. He said he almost threw up his breakfast listening to this. He played more of the clip and Ronnie's girlfriend was there talking to Bubba. Howard said that stuff on Ronnie's face would scare off most women. He said this girl is really cute too. He said that she's very sweet. Howard played more of the audio and they were goofing on Ronnie's moustache that makes him look like he's out of the Civil War.
Bubba talked to Ronnie's girl about oral sex and things like that. She said that he's the best out of the guys she's been with. She told Bubba that he's a good size and that she had dated a black guy a few years ago. Howard said they were getting a lot of details there. They were shocked when they heard that she had been with a black guy. Howard wondered if it was really that crazy to fuck a black guy. Howard said a lot of chicks fuck black guys. Howard asked Robin if she had heard that slogan ''Once you go black you go 60 year old white guy...''
Howard said he remembers Ronnie bringing his girlfriend to a party and the wives all freaking out. Robin said she remembers him bringing her to Jon Hein's daughter's bat mitzvah. She said that might be where the wives freaked out. Howard said Gary's wife freaked out. Gary said they were on their way there and he told her about it and she just turned to him and said ''Please.'' She thought it was too much of an age difference but she did end up liking the girl.
Howard said he still doesn't understand why Ronnie was on the show talking about her but he won't talk about her on this show. Howard said he saw that Ronnie got all burnt up down there in Florida. He said he's got a sun burned chin so he must have worn a hat. He said he saw that chin and asked how Florida was. He said he didn't know he was on Bubba talking about his sex life.
Howard played more of the Bubba show audio. Bubba asked Stephanie some questions about how she likes to have sex with Ronnie and things. Robin said she can't believe that this conversation didn't happen there. Ronnie wasn't coming into the studio either.
Stephanie told Bubba that she swallows. Ronnie came in and said that it was 4 years ago that he didn't want to talk about this. Howard said he didn't know what kind of stuff he was going through. Ronnie said you don't know what it's like to be in Bubba's lair down there. He said all kinds of shit comes out.
Ronnie went off on Howard about his beard too. He said he doesn't care what people say. He said he gets compliments on it so he doesn't care if he doesn't like it.
Howard was also goofing on his chin being red and Ronnie said he didn't wear a hat. Howard goofed on Ronnie some more about his Civil War look. Ronnie got very defensive as always.
Howard said that maybe he could have told them that the ban was off of the girlfriend. Ronnie said he didn't know Bubba was going to start with that crap. He said he had a great time down there and Bubba is awesome. Ronnie said Robin did the same thing down there. She went on his show once and told him stuff that she didn't tell Howard.
Howard told Ronnie he could leave. He said he was going to play more but Ronnie asked him not to. Howard said Ronnie came screaming out of the closet and he had no idea he was so wild. Ronnie said he's only 61 too. He said they said he was 69 and he's only 61. Howard asked what that had to do with anything. Ronnie said it's constantly an age thing with him. He said Howard is old too. Howard said Ronnie is the fucking nut and the asshole. He said everyone is talking about his age. Ronnie said he doesn't care because he's having a good time. Howard said he's not saying this is a terrible thing.
Howard said that Ronnie is 61 and his girl is 27. Ronnie was comparing his age difference to Howard and Beth's. Howard said it's an amazing thing that he has this lifestyle. He said people are freaked out by it. Ronnie said he's sorry if they are. Howard asked why he would apologize. Ronnie said people are giving him a hard time. Howard said it's probably people in his life who are giving him a hard time. Ronnie said Howard is always talking about his age. He said he's sick of it.
Howard said this girl might be too old for Ronnie now. He's been with her for 4 years now. Howard said he asks himself what's wrong with this girl in the back of his head. Howard asked if Ronnie is in love with her. Ronnie said he likes her a lot. They've been going out almost 4 years and he just likes her? Ronnie said he doesn't like using the L-word anymore. Howard said he's like Hef. Gary said ''Like'' is an L-word. Ronnie told him to stop it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to say it, she just knows it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he is in love with her. Ronnie said he has told her he is a few times but he doesn't like using the word. Ronnie said he must be like Robin because she must not use the word. Robin said she uses it all the time. She has told Howard she loves him. Ronnie said that's just a friendship thing. Robin said she loves Howard romantically but Ronnie just as a friend.
Howard asked if Stephanie has told him that she loves him. Ronnie said she does that all the time. Howard asked if he's in love with her or not. Ronnie said this isn't Bubba's show. He would only say that she's a great girl and an awesome girl. He won't say he loves her. Ronnie asked what the big deal is. Howard told him to just say it. Ronnie said he says it in different ways to her. He said she knows.
Howard kept asking Ronnie if he's in love. He wouldn't say yes but he told Howard he's not saying no either. Howard asked what the big deal is. Ronnie said he just doesn't say it all the time. He said he has told her that he does but he's not going to say it to Howard. Then he finally said he does but Howard had to drag it out of him. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Ronnie said noting is wrong, he's fine.
Howard said he's like a little boy with this stuff. Ronnie said that's right, he's a little boy. He said he hardly ever said it to his wife either. He said things were fine for many years. Ronnie said that shit happens. Robin was goofing on him about that so Ronnie pointed out that she has never been married so she doesn't know. Robin said she isn't having a family so she didn't need to get married.
King of All Blacks called in and asked what's so awesome about Bubba. Ronnie said he likes the guy and he enjoys doing his show. He said he doesn't care if King doesn't like the show. King asked why he's so open on that show and not on Howard's show. Ronnie said he just never got asked those questions on this show. Howard said he banned them from talking about her. Ronnie said that was years ago. Howard said he didn't know the embargo was lifted.
Robin said that Bubba hangs out with Ronnie so that's why he talks to him. She said they don't hang with Ronnie like Bubba does. Ronnie said he hardly sees Bubba.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this is funny and she can't explain how she feels. She said that this girl is kind of young. She said that she wants to know why he didn't give Howard the exclusive. Ronnie said there was no exclusive.
Another caller said that everyone is older than girlfriend. Even the age difference between Ronnie and the girl is older than the girlfriend. Another caller said she didn't want to hear about this at this time of morning. She said maybe in a couple of hours it would be fine. She said he's stuck in this Ronnie vortex.
Howard asked Ronnie if Stephanie wants to marry him. Ronnie said she doesn't care about marriage and she doesn't want to. Howard asked if she's going to move in. Ronnie said that's not in the cards right now. He wouldn't say why. Ronnie said he has things going on right now that it just won't work.
Howard asked if she would say yes if he asked her to marry him. Ronnie said she would probably say yes. He said she really doesn't care one way or the other. Fred played some wedding music as they were talking about that. Ronnie said he has told her he's never getting married again.
Ronnie said that he was married once and that was enough. He's not going to do it again. Ronnie said that she says she loves him. She doesn't want kids and she doesn't want to get married. Robin laughed when she heard that.
JD came in and said that he didn't want him to move on. He wanted him to play the last two clips he had pulled. Howard got back to that and Ronnie said he was leaving. Howard told him he could go. Robin wanted to look at him while Howard played the clips. Howard said he could go.
Howard played a clip of Bubba talking to Stephanie about how she likes girls. She told Bubba that she played around with this girl she lived close to. She said that she would stay the night in her apartment. She told Bubba she ate the other girl out. Ronnie said this was great because that's not the story he got.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie talking about shaving his balls. Bubba was asking Stephanie about her shaving and then she revealed that Ronnie is bald. Ronnie said he's not bald. She said that he shaves them all the time for her. He said that he's not totally bald. He does shave his balls for her though. Bubba asked Ronnie about eating out assholes with chicks too. Ronnie made that revelation too. Ronnie said that he does anal once in a while too. Bubba asked if he has ever taken a strap-on up his ass. Ronnie said he hasn't but she has put her tongue there.
Howard said she must love him if she has used her tongue on his ass. Howard said he was very open with the sex life stuff. Spice and Bubba were asking Ronnie about how she gets in there and got really graphic. Ronnie asked if they were in the room with him the night before.
Howard thanked Bubba and RadioIO for this audio. Howard played a little more of the clip of Spice and Bubba talking about what she must do to him. Spice asked how close he was to the description of what happens. Ronnie said he was at a 9 out of 10.
Joe Eszterhas Calls In. 7/24/00. 8:45am
Writer Joe Eszterhas called in to promote his new book ''American Rhapsody''. Joe, best known for writing ''Basic Instinct'', ''Flash Dance'' and ''Jagged Edge'' has written a book about his Hollywood experiences. Howard asked Joe if he's worth as much as he thinks he is. Joe said he's really not that wealthy even though he's written a lot of hit movies. He said that because he was divorced a few years back he had to ''start all over'' from scratch and is worth less than $8 million. He said he gave up most of his money to the woman he was married to for 24 years. He moved on to a new wife and said that he's in bliss. He's been married 6 years and has 4 kids with his new wife Naomi. Howard found out that Joe calls his Italian wife ''The Guinea''. He said he fell head over heels for her. He said that while he was working on the movie ''Sliver'' the producer fell in love with Sharon Stone. Joe was very taken with the guys wife so he jumped at the chance when the guy left her for Sharon. He actually invited Naomi to Hawaii while he was on vacation with his first wife.
After ''Basic Instinct'' Sharon Stone went around claiming that she didn't know that the crotch shot was going to be shot the way it was. She claimed to be oblivious to the fact that her crotch was going to be shown the way it was. Joe told Howard that there were people ''in her crotch'' setting up lighting and make-up so there's no way she didn't know about it. Movies scenes are very calculated and it had to have been obvious to her.
Howard also asked Joe about some stuff he says about President Clinton in his book. Joe claims that after reading the Starr report he found out that Clinton and Monica Lewinsky did some ''Analingus''. He said that it appears that Monica may have put her tongue where the sun don't shine.
Howard was picking out some of the more interesting parts of the book and pointed out one part where Joe claims that Richard Gere got totally naked in front of him while changing for a shoot. Joe says he doesn't know why he did it but it didn't get strange. Howard also said that Joe wrote a story about Farrah Fawcett taking a crap on the lawn at a party he was at. He said the bathroom was very crowded and she had to go outside to ''poop'' on the lawn. He said there were a lot of people who witnessed it but he didn't get to see it up close. Howard was fascinated with this story and said that he could write a whole book about something like that. Joe, on the other hand, didn't really want to discuss it any more than he had in the book.
Joe also talks about his crazy mother in his book. Joe claims that she was schizophrenic and had some problems.
Howard took a couple of wacky calls for Joe but they didn't make any sense. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
Today's special was over around 10:25am.
Jon said they had a great time there and they all had fun. Then that Monday Ronnie asked Howard not to talk about it so no one did. He said that went on for 4 years until he talked to Bubba on his internet radio show. Jon said Ronnie had a chat with Bubba about intimate details of their relationship.
Jon said Mike Morales just came in so he wanted to talk to him about meeting Rev. Run. Jon said he started talking to him about what a positive influence he was on him. Then Howard told him to get to the point. He asked how great it was meeting Run. Mike said it was great. He said he has a new TV show on and he loves that too. Jon asked what it is about those shows that makes them so good. Mike said it's just a down home fun family and they make him laugh. Will Murray said he has cried at times too. Mike said that's true. He said they dealt with the miscarriage on the show. Will said Mike was very emotional about that. Will said he left a bunch of dead baby jokes on his voice mail and he has to apologize to Rev. Run about that because he was just trying to break Mike's balls.
Jon said Mike feels like he's part of the family and he felt like part of his family was taken away. Mike said it made him sad.
Benjy said he wants to ask a gay question but it kind of sucks. He asked if he came out before or after that. Mike said it was after that segment. Benjy asked if he was inspired to come out because of Run. Mike said that didn't push him at all. Mike said it was another 6 months before he even thought about coming out.
Mike said he wishes they could do more musical pairings like they did with Kid Rock and Run. He said he'd like to see James Taylor and Bruce Springsteen come by together. Will said that sounds like Gary's wet dream.
Jon asked Mike if he thinks that Run can make that transition from his old life to the new one. Mike said he thinks he has. He said he did a lot of things in his past life but he cleaned his act up and now he has a family of 7 kids now. He ran off the names of the kids for the guys.
Sal came in since he's a fan of Run's too. Jon said this is a good example for Sal because he's been painted as a racist but Will is trying to bait him into it. Sal said it's humor and that's what he likes. He said he doesn't like racist people but he's a fan of humor and if it involves race then it's fine. Benjy said that Sal must have thought there's a joke that's more offensive than funny. Sal said he will get uptight but he allows it.
Jon said if Benjy told a joke about a deaf prophet then Sal would get upset. Sal said Jon is cracking a joke. Jon said Sal gets upset with deaf people and religious things. Sal said that some things hurt but he's okay with it. Jon asked if it's okay to call him a pedophile. Sal always cracks jokes about that. Sal said he wouldn't go forward and do Jesus jokes but he respects anyone who does. He said it's not done to hurt someone.
Jon asked Sal what's holding him back. Sal said everyone has a line and that's his. Sal said when he made the prank call to the religious show he felt really bad about it. He said he spoke in tongues to them and he felt really bad about it that night. Sal said he felt like he disrespected his own religion. Jon asked if he prays every day. Sal said he does.
Benjy asked Sal if Jesus could be upset with him over it. Sal said he thinks the last thing Jesus is thinking about is a prank call. He said he doesn't think he cares. Will said if he goes to heaven he will e judged. He said his phone calls could be used against him. Jon said he's screwed if Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor. Sal said he thinks Jesus has bigger fish to fry than prank calls. Sal said he had a personal dilemma within himself. He said overall he thinks it was okay.
Jon asked JD if he notices this thing with Sal. JD said he has a porno where some girls are dressed as nuns. Sal said he doesn't find that sexually hot. Sal said he doesn't like it when girls wear a cross in porn. He said he saw one where a girl had jizz on her cross and he had to stop watching. Sal said he's just a spiritual person and he doesn't believe in everything in the bible. Sal said it's all about love.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he finds it amazing that Sal makes judgments on what Jesus is going to judge on. He said Sal has done so many things and it's kind of self serving. Sal said his point is that he doesn't know and he has no reason to judge. He said he thinks it's all about how you treated people on earth and that's how he'll be judged.
Jon asked Sal what else he's offended by in porn. Sal said it's not even being offended. He said he just prefers not to watch certain things. Jon said he knows he doesn't like deaf people either. Sal said he just doesn't like that. Sal said he thinks that they're in porn because of low self esteem and he doesn't like that.
Jon asked if he feels for anyone else in that way. Sal said he could be wrong but there are people who could love getting laid on film.
Jon got back to Ronnie and Stephanie. Jon said JD was the one who pulled the clip from the Bubba show. He asked if someone down there gave him a heads up. JD said someone did. He said they all thought they weren't supposed to talk about that stuff and there goes Ronnie and Stephanie doing it. Jon said usually they would save it for the Howard Stern show. He said Ronnie should know better. He said they were getting into really graphic stuff too.
Jon said that Robin thought Ronnie did it because he feels more comfortable talking to him about it than with Howard. Benjy said that you can have more control over the conversation with Bubba than you can with Howard. He said Howard might cut you off and say he doesn't want to hear more about it. Will said Howard is going to judge him more over what he was talking about than Bubba would. Benjy said you have more control over the conversation with Bubba. He said you can have a real conversation without worrying about repercussions.
Jon said Ronnie and Stephanie were talking about eating ass and Stephanie being with other girls. JD said he cringed and he couldn't believe they were getting into it as much as they were.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he likes the live Wrap Up Show. He said he seems to think that Jon props things up on the show compared to Gary. Jon said he thinks that Gary does just fine. The caller said he really enjoys the live Wrap Up Shows during vacation. He said Jon does a great job keeping the show moving. He also said he doesn't like Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said he loves him on the show. He said he loves everyone on the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Sal is going to go to hell for those prank calls he does. Will said that would suck if you went to hell over a prank call. The caller said Sal made fun of the blind governor. Sal said god would high five him over that one. Sal said the governor worked his way into a high position like that so he's not making fun of someone who has low self esteem.
Will asked afflictions are okay to make fun of. Sal was asked if Thalidomide babies are okay. Sal said yes. He had some wacky explanation for that. Benjy asked if he would stop if someone said they were offended. Sal said he probably would.
Benjy asked if Sal would stop making fun of someone if they said they were offended. Sal said he probably would. He said it all depends on the situation.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie's tone of voice is guaranteed to get him into a fight. He said he will end up in a fight every time he comes in to talk to someone. Jon said he's going to take Ronnie's side there. He said he does come in on the defensive. He said that's why he acts that way. He said he also thinks that's part of his personality and he may play into that a little bit. Jon said he'll talk back to Robin or Howard and that's why he's that way. The caller said he likes hearing him on the show though.
Will said that when you hear Ronnie is dating a young woman you wonder what kind of condition she's in but she turned out to be very sweet. Will said he still thinks about how she's having sex with Ronnie every time he sees her. JD said you have to block that out of your mind. They went to break after that.
Benjy said he thinks he's a little more on edge now but it's not really even that gullible when someone comes out to him. Will said when someone believes something so much it almost ruins it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they asked Sal what was wrong with Helen Keller and he said she was deaf, dumb and blind. He said she wasn't dumb. Sal said that was what they called people who were mute back then. They went back and forth on that for a minute before Jon moved on.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Howard is coming back on Monday. Jon said he is. Sal was also stumped on when the Civil War was so he was asking the caller if he knew. The guy was from Canada so he didn't know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they should just keep doing the pranks because they keep him going. Jon let him go a short time later.
Jon asked Sal if he would like to see the guys from The Beastie Boys reunite. Sal said if they're keeping the music alive for other generations to see then it's fine. Sal said if they had a hologram or something he wouldn't go to the show. Sal said he grew up with KISS and he's taking his kids to see them later this year and he knows they'll get the same experience he had as a kid even though it's not the original members.
Jon asked if Sal gets upset when Richard works with other people. Sal said he has done that. He said he's fine with it. He said he'd be hurt by it if he went off and only worked with someone else. Sal said that would be like Elisa going off with some other guy other than Benjy. Jon asked if he's really comparing himself to Benjy and Elisa. Sal said they do have a close relationship.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news headlines today. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up on Howard 100 News today.
Jon asked Sal if he knows when the Revolutionary War happened. Sal was confused earlier about the Civil War and they asked him about the Revolutionary War. Sal went through his thought process out loud and tried to figure out when it could have happened. He said he believes it was before the Civil War. He said it had to be in the 1700s. Sal gave his explanation for why the war happened. Sal said that it was the United States of America vs. the British. He said there are guys letting other people know ''The British are coming!'' so it had to be that. Sal was throwing around names like Big Red Top or Big Little Rock or something. He said he saw the British coming and he warned Pennsylvanian's about it. Jon asked how that happened. Sal couldn't remember the name of Paul Revere until JD told him it's the name of a Beastie Boys song. Sal said he was the one who was warning people about the Brits coming over. He said he's thinking it was in the 1700s. Jon asked for a specific year. Sal said it had to be the early 1700s. He eventually settled on 1776 and congratulated himself on getting it. Sal said that's when we defeated the Brits. Sal said that was a KISS poster. He said he bought it when he was a kid. Jon said they had to wrap up the Wrap Up Show. He let the guys get in their plugs and then ended the show around 10:25am.