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Howard started the show singing along to Rob Zombie's ''Great American Nightmare'' from his birthday bash. Howard said he watched some of the Oscars last night. He said he watched the Red Carpet and he has some observations. Howard said he thinks the Oscars are too formal. He said the gowns cover up the women. Howard said Amy Adams is so sexy and hot in the movies she was in and then she covers up with a gown at the awards show. Howard said she gets to the Oscars and she's on the red carpet and she looks like someone's mother. Howard said they have stylists who work on this stuff and it's weird. He said they put their hair up in a bun and they don't look like hot chicks anymore. He said they look like they're on their wedding day with their hair pulled back. Howard said guys have to wonder why they're marrying people like that when they do that at a wedding.
Robin said maybe that's how they want to dress up. Howard said that he doesn't give a fuck. He said they all look like mommy. Howard said Naomi Watts looked good but that was few and far between at that show. Robin said Howard had a whole discussion with Mayim Bialik about how women shouldn't have to do that. Howard said he changed his mind after that show. Howard said he's sick of watching guys bringing their mothers to the awards shows too. He said he's talking to Jonah Hill, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey. He said they should be bringing a girl. Robin said Matthew was with his wife. Howard said he wants to see what these guys are married to.
Howard said he thought Ellen Degeneres was good with her monologue. Howard said Bob Lefsetz wrote an article about what they might do to fix the awards show. Howard said it's everything that everyone is thinking. Howard said they're on live TV and they are difficult to get through. He said that he turned them off around 9:30 and he knew he wasn't going to miss anything. Howard said we really don't care about a lot of the categories. Howard said the Grammys changed the way they do things. He said they removed a lot of the shit no one wants to hear. Howard said it's a TV show and they need people to watch. Howard said you can't listen to 5 songs that have no relevance. Howard said it's mostly cartoons and stuff that the songs come from. He said Pharrell Williams kind of has relevance there but most of the songs don't matter.
Howard said no one cares about the shorts that they give awards to either. Howard said you can't see the films because they're not even in the theater for more than a week. Howard said he's not sure how you can play the hits at the Academy Awards.
Howard said Bob Lefsetz pointed out these things that they can do to fix the show. Howard said that he points out that they ask the people on the red carpet about what they're wearing and have no real questions for them. Howard said that they should ask people more relevant questions.
Howard said that Sidney Poitier must be deaf. He said he wasn't answering the questions he was being asked up there on the red carpet.
Howard said that no one cares about best costume design. He said that they need to have more stars up there and not so much of that. Robin said they really don't have enough categories for the stars. Howard said they can change them then. Howard said they could vote for best shoes or something. He said they could vote for best action film or best commercial movie or something like that. Howard said they could even have best Asian Actor and things like that. Robin said they shouldn't go to Howard for advice. Howard said he's just joking.
Howard said the broadcast is boring at the end of the day. He said they're locked into this thing that they won't change. Howard said they have to do something.
Howard said he thought Ellen was good at the show. Robin said she felt that she was at her party. Howard said that Kim Novak looked like the Joker. Howard said she probably likes what they did to her face. Howard said that she should have left her face alone. Howard said Sally Field came out and looked fine. Howard said that it must be battle of the plastic surgeons. Howard said he'd like to know who did Sally's work. He said that she had good work and Kim had really bad work. Howard said maybe she had her work done in a third world country. Howard said Kim talks in an odd way too. Howard said she sounds like Blue Iris. Robin said she's 81. Howard played a clip of Kim and Matthew McConaughey doing their thing on stage at the Oscars.
Howard said that Kim was a great beauty and she's still pulling her face back at 81. Howard said you have to be kidding. He played more of the clip and said she was downright scary. He said they have to cut people off at some point with the plastic surgery. Howard said it's just not right. Howard played a clip of Blue Iris and said her line would have been good for Kim.
Howard said he liked that Bill Murray said something about Harold Ramis. Howard said it's a shame that they weren't getting along before he died. Howard said that he wonders if he has any regrets about waiting until then. Howard said John Travolta had one line to deliver and he fucked up the whole name he mentioned. Howard said he was introducing Idina Menzel and he screwed it up. Howard played a clip of that and he wasn't even close. Howard said he's an actor and he should be able to do something with that.
Howard said that there were 3 minutes left on the show and they had something good going on. He said they had the show start at 8:30 and they were going to go to 11:30. Howard said if things are running out why would they stop it? He said they don't have to get to anything at 11:30 on a Sunday night. Howard said Sidney Poitier was in no rush to do what he had to do. Howard played a clip of Angelina Jolie introducing Poitier and then Poitier getting up on stage and talking really slow.
Howard said that they fill up the show with such boring stuff and then they run out of time for anything interesting that happens. They give away the most important award last and that's what people want to see. Howard said they could cut out half of the awards and no one would miss them. Howard said it's obvious what they need to do. He said he thinks that's the way it is anyway.
Howard said he ran into Matt Lauer and he was with his wife. Howard said Matt asked if he had $100 on him. Howard said he did and he gave it to Matt. Howard said Matt had something in mind. Howard said he pulled out the newspaper and he bet on 4 categories. Howard said he hadn't seen half of the movies. Howard said that they did this pool and they all bet. Howard said Matt never sent him the results so he's not sure if he won or not. Howard said they even had a tie breaker if no one got it. Howard said he thinks he got a bunch right.
Robin said she never imagined Matthew McConaughey getting an Oscar. Howard said that guy has a lot going on in his mind. He said he had a lot of time to think about himself going out in the sun. Howard said he has no time for self reflection himself.
Howard played a clip of McConaughey giving his rambling speech. Howard said he wakes up every day just hoping he doesn't die. He said this guy has four things that he needs every day. Howard said he thought for sure he was going to say he needed pussy, pussy, pussy and running on the beach. Howard said he has deeper thoughts than that apparently. McConaughey thanked God and Howard said he had no idea he was into that. He said he should be into god though. He said he'd good looking and he hit the lottery. Howard said he became a satan worshiper when he hit puberty after seeing his face.
Howard said McConaughey looks in the mirror and thinks he's going to have a good day. Howard played more of the clip and McConaughey was going on and on quoting people and thanking people. Howard said it's interesting to let the guy talk. That's what they cut off when it gets interesting. McConaughey was talking about his father being up in heaven watching and dancing with his underwear on and drinking beer with a pot of gumbo. Howard said no wonder he's dead with a diet like that. McConaughey thanked his mom and wife. He thanked his kids and some other people.
Howard asked Fake Dave what he's been up to. Dave said he's been doing stand-up and he's been killing it with his tour. Howard asked Robin if he sounds anything like Dave Chappelle at all. Robin said he does a little bit. Howard told the guy to keep going. The guy had some material for them. Howard cut him off and said he wasn't actually missing him so much he needed to hear from the fake guy. Howard said it sounded like a good idea at the time. The caller said it went down like the Hindenberg.
Howard told Dave to do some of the other material he had about Kim Kardashian. Dave told Howard the material he had about her looking like an Ice Cream truck coming down the aisle at her wedding.
Howard asked what he thought about Dennis Rodman going to North Korea. Dave had some material about that too. Howard asked Robin if she's had enough of this. Robin laughed. Howard said Dave has been in hiding so long that it's nice to have fake Dave Chappelle around. Howard said it's like Journey and not having Steve Perry. Fake Dave said that he's always there if they need him. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard looked at his guitar and the strings were broken. Howard said someone broke it. Fred said that's a serious break. Howard said that it could be a break or the glue broke. Gary said he thinks that someone knocked it over and just stood it back up. Gary said he's going to check the camera and see who did it. Howard asked Fred if that was his guitar. Fred said it's not but that happens around there. Fred said they sent that one over as a loaner and they gave it to them. He said it is the show's guitar. Howard said it is radio and they have to rely on others to donate stuff. He said that they work for a multi-billion dollar company but they have to wait for hand outs.
Howard asked if they have the camera going in there. Gary said Ronnie is going to check the camera now. Howard said he would have liked to have known it was broken. He said the person who broke it could have said something. Howard said that he thought no one was allowed near the board. Howard said maybe it was a cleaning person. Gary said it could have been an engineer. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott the Engineer for a few seconds.
Howard got back to the Matthew McConaughey speech. Howard let that play for a short time. McConaughey was going on and on about his life. Howard said that guy is very comfortable doing that up on stage. Howard said he thinks that has a lot to do with him being out on the beach shirtless. Howard said that must be when he had the time to think about all of this stuff. Howard said he's never seen someone who is so well thought out about himself.
Howard said he's really bummed out about the guitar. Fred said he's emailing someone about fixing it. Howard said the guy who is teaching him to play guitar told him to record himself every time he plays. Howard said there's an app that looks like a recording studio on the phone. Howard asked Fred if he records when he plays. Fred said he does from time to time. He said that Garage Band is one app you can use. Fred said you can use the iPhone and play it into a memo thing. He said if you just want to listen to it back it's good. He said if you want to keep it he's not sure that would work. Howard said he's wondering how complicated that is. Fred said there are some things that are pretty complicated. He told Howard to put it on his laptop. Howard said he just wants something simple.
Howard said he can't imagine recoding himself. Fred said he would recommend a metronome. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Fred said once you get the timing down then it gets easier. He said it's getting into that that's a bitch. He said you realize how sloppy you are when you use one. He said you do get better though. He said you do an hour a day or so. He said even 15 minutes a day is better than nothing.
Howard said he was going to play ''Across the Universe'' but he can't now. Fred said he has an electric guitar but that won't work for him.
Howard said his daughter plays guitar and they were jamming together yesterday. He said they were teaching each other chords and it was fun. He said he knows he won't be Eddie Van Halen or anything. He said that would be cool but he's just looking to strum along.
Gary said he has a guitar for him. He said Steve Brandano is tuning it. Sal had one that Richard got him for Christmas. Fred said that it must be named Guitary if Richard named it. Howard said he hopes it's clean if Richard gave it to him. He said that he may have peed on it.
Howard said Sal is a fucking idiot. Howard said he heard him on the Wrap Up Show talking about his vitamins. Howard said he took too many of them and he had liver problems. Howard played a clip of Sal talking about the problems he had and how he didn't want to tell anyone there. Sal said he did research. Howard said that's Sal's research. He said he knows nothing about everything. Howard said he had a bag of pills he was taking and it was shocking.
Howard played more of the audio of Sal and the guys talking about the problem he had. Jon Hein asked him why he didn't go to the doctor. Sal said he waited a few days to see if the swelling would subside. Howard said he was driving his car and laughing. He said it was exactly what he said was going to happen to Sal. Sal was telling the guys what he was taking and how he took himself off. He said that the swelling went down and he thinks his liver is okay now.
Howard said this is a guy who is taking vitamins and still smoking E-cigarettes. Howard said he could skip the vitamins and give up the cigarette. He said that he doesn't want to do the difficult thing. He said that he's going by what Dr. Oz is suggesting. Howard said that he needs to go to a doctor who can tell him exactly what he needs. Howard said that he should see a psychiatrist.
Sal brought in the guitar but Howard said he had to take a break. Howard asked Sal why he didn't listen to him. Sal said he should have. Howard said he should stop smoking the e-cigarettes if he's worried about his health.
Howard asked Sal if he plays guitar. Sal said he does a little bit. Howard said he was working on the song all day and now he forgets it. Howard tried playing ''Across the Universe'' and forgot the lyrics. He was strumming and playing a bit but Robin said ''Oh my...'' Howard kept going a little longer. Howard said he doesn't remember the words to it. He played and just hummed along with it.
Howard said he's really good. Sal said he really is. Howard said he has a whole repertoire of songs he can do now. Sal said he can play ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard said he just started learning. He said he can't play that one yet. Howard played some ''Old Man'' for them. Howard remembered the lyrics for that. Howard played ''Hurt'' for the guys after that. Sal said they should play ''Old Man'' on Coffee House. Howard said he's putting together his own set list. Sal said it's like Storytellers.
Robin asked what prompted Sal to take vitamins. Sal said he was afraid of having a heart attack. Howard said he should have gone to a doctor.
Sal said he's proud of Howard for what he's doing with the guitar. Howard said he only knows 3 songs so far. He said he has to figure out ''Across the Universe'' but he has to learn some chords. Fred said you can find videos that will teach you to play songs on the internet. Howard said it really is amazing and fantastic. Howard said Sarah Silverman told him that you can learn online. Howard said that you do need a teacher though. Howard said he knows that people have had training when they claim they haven't. He said that people say they had a lesson or two but you know they had more than that.
Howard said Adam Carolla is calling in at 7 so he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Adam Carolla on the phone. Howard said it's been a long time. Howard said it's been too long. Howard asked if he's upset that his wife has a podcast. Howard said that you'd think that he would be. Adam laughed. Howard said that she does a podcast about Bruce Springsteen. Adam said that she does but he's not upset. He said he doesn't mind it. He said he'd be less annoyed if it made a nickel. He said it probably costs him money.
Adam said he has a dog named Molly and she's probably cost him $50,000 in the last 2 years. He said that she's diabetic and she has tumors all over her body. He said if he knew the amount the dog cost him he'd be upset. He said that's why he never asks. Howard said Adam's podcast is a career but his wife's is a hobby. Adam said that he has to go out and work to support her hobby.
Howard said he heard an interesting story about Adam. He said he wasn't able to be at their birthday show because he had a date booked. Howard said Adam's wife wanted to go but he put his foot down and said that he'd be jealous and asked her not to go.
Adam said he's out on the road doing shows and he has to do that for his show. He said he calls his wife while he's on the road and she tells him that she's out having sushi with friends. He said for the 90 minutes he's on the road he wants her home doing push ups. He said that would be nice for him to come home to. Howard said he gets that way too. He said he had to leave the house early yesterday and it was an exhausting Sunday. He said he called Beth to ask what she was doing and she had just watched ''12 Years a Slave'' and that sounded like she was having fun. Howard said he's the slave though.
Adam said he's always asked how much money he needs. He said he tells people he needs enough to make what his wife and kids are using to live the life they have now.
Howard brought up the Oscars and asked if Adam has a problem with the awards that they give out. Adam said they do the technical awards on the Thursday before. He said that they should throw some of the other categories on that day. He said they put the In Memorium people in those categories in the main one. He said that they don't care about that stuff and they could keep a nice, tight hour for the Oscars.
Howard said the women at the awards look horrible in their gowns. Howard said they're horribly designed and they pull their hair back in a tight bun that looks awful. Howard said Amy Adams looked terrible there but she looked so hot in the movies she was in. Adam said he thinks that she was afraid of it raining. He said her hair would frizz up. He said that if Michelle Obama let her hair frizz out everyone would do it. Adam said that everyone understands that we need to exercise. He said she should set the tone to let her hair go full Shirley Hemphill from Good Times. He said women spend millions of hours working on their hair. He said that's why we build the bridges and skyscrapers. He said men have time.
Howard said Matthew McConaughey has a lot of thoughts in his head. He said he gets up and he's able to make speeches that explore his inner being. Howard said normal guys don't have time to do that. Adam said it's one thing to thank your mom and god and your agent. He said now it's a lot of exploring your inner being.
Howard said Adam did a bit on his podcast about his dog and it was brilliant. He said that his dog will just sit there and stare at the car when he pulls into the driveway. Adam said if he ever fires up a vacuum cleaner the dog high tails it out of that room. He said that he had his kids in the car and the dog isn't afraid of 5,000 pounds of that but if he had a hair dryer the dog would take off. He said to rob his house all you need is a dust buster. He said that would probably work on all dogs too. He said he's not sure what's going on with that. Howard said he's on to something. Adam said they need a horn in a car that sounds like a hair dryer.
Howard said Adam is into boxing and he actually boxes. He said he's also into cars and now he has a TV show where he busts bad contractors. He said he knows how to build shit and he knows how to work on his cars. He said he doesn't think it gets more masculine than that. Howard said then he thinks about him being in TV and it's not that masculine. Howard said he's overly masculine. He said he maybe be too masculine.
Adam said that it's weird that they equate changing a tire into a masculine guy. Howard said that's true. Adam said that dudes just fix stuff. He said that's just what he did because he didn't have money to do it when he was 25. He said he had to do this stuff on his own. Adam said he always liked doing that stuff though.
Howard said Adam was raised by hippies and this is like a rebellion. Howard said he's not sure how you get into boxing when you have hippy parents. Adam said it's just nature. He said that there isn't much nurture going on there. He said his dad wasn't into any of that stuff. He said he was into boxing and football and his dad didn't care about any of that. Adam said he has a new show starting on Spike TV on Sunday. Howard asked how that works. Adam said they go and find people who were fucked over by contractors. He said that they find those people who had a deal with a contractor and they go after the guy. Adam said they confront the guy and then they drag the guy back to the house to do the job. He said the guys are always freaked out when they catch them too. He said that it's a lot like when they're catching pedophiles.
Howard asked if the guys have to sign a release to be on the TV show. Adam said they do. Robin asked why they would sign. Adam said he offers oral. He said he's just kidding but they do get them to sign. Howard said he doesn't get why they would do that. Adam said they see all of the cameras coming out of the sting house and they want to run. Adam said that they can leave but they tell them that they will look like shit if they run. He said if they put the house back together they can put the whole thing behind them and move on. He said they'll take these guys to court if they don't finish the job. Adam said 9 times out of 10 they will finish it. Adam said the best part is when the family confronts them. He said he stands between the contractor and the family while it's going on. He said there are crazy fat women crying over this.
Howard said that you can get so fucking angry when you just want the work done and you have someone to confront them. He said he's blown his stack with people like that. Adam said that the people fester with this stuff so they get really worked up.
Howard said the new show is called ''To Catch a Contractor' and it's on Spike TV on Sunday night at 10. Howard asked if he's ever had to break up a physical confrontation. Adam said no one has thrown a punch yet but he wishes they would. He said it would be easier than watching the screaming and tears. He said that things get hairy but no one is punching.
Howard asked Adam about the movie that he was trying to get funded. Adam said they did that and they're in pre-production now. He said that they raised just under $1.5 million. He said the last one he did, The Hammer, was done for right around a million. He said starting today they're back on Fund Anything trying to raise more money. He said that he has a pretty bad coke habit he has to fund. Adam was kidding. Adam said they're getting sued by a patent troll with the podcast thing. He said these are guys who patent something they have no right to and they go after people. He said that it's white people at their worst. Adam said they use their patents against companies. He said they are using a patent and they go after the people who are doing something that messes with the patent. Howard said because he podcasts he's using some technology and they're going after them on that. Adam said they didn't even invent it. He said they just go after people. Adam said it's a loop hole in the law that they get to go after people over.
Adam said they're doing a podcast and they don't use their patent but they're still suing them. He said that they're like the only podcast being sued. He said that they won a patent on a sequencer that is used to do podcasts. He said that if you do a show today and it's in a certain order that's their patent. He said that you just do a podcast and you don't know what's being used.
Adam said the patent trolling thing is huge and it costs billions. He said that they're the first people to be sued when it comes to this. He said that they want $3 million and he doesn't even know what they're talking about. Adam said they run a small business and they're the first ones to be sued by these patent trolls. He said what they're doing is banding together the podcast people to fight this thing. He said they're going to win and they'll leave all of the other podcasts alone. Howard said to donate to the defense fund you can go to FundAnything.com/PatentTroll
Howard asked Adam why he doesn't like Conan O'Brien. Adam said he went on the show once and he was kind of bawdy on the show. Adam said they were back in New York doing a Hugh Hefner roast and they weren't able to get any guests to New York because it was around 9/11. He said that Jimmy got the call from Conan's people asking if he wanted to come on his show. He said that they didn't want him on the show with Jimmy. Jimmy wanted him on because they were doing the Man Show at the time. He said they said they didn't do teams even though he had done the show with Dr. Drew. He said that realized he was being black balled for just ''bringing it'' to Conan's show.
Howard asked why he doesn't like Letterman. Adam said he thinks the guy is funny but he thinks he's miserable too. Adam said he went to do Letterman and he killed. He said that Daniel Kellison used to work for Letterman and he asked if he wanted to go say hi to his old boss. He said Daniel was afraid to do that. He said he hates that. He said he doesn't hate Conan or Dave but he has these things in his head over them. Howard said Adam is kind of like him in that way. He said that he thought that Conan was kind of a puss for not having him on. He said Letterman is a brilliant guy who just scares people.
Howard said he heard that Adam goes out and does shows with Dr. Drew and sells out. He said Adam wanted more of a split when he did shows with Dr. Drew. Adam said they split it right down the middle and that never bothered him. He said he brought a lot of success to the show and when they did a new contract they were talking about giving him less than Dr. Drew. He said he felt that they should both get the same amount of money.
Howard asked who the bigger star is at this point, him or Drew. Adam said he wants to think it's Drew. He said he's only had two partners and they were Dr. Drew and Jimmy Kimmel. He said that the interviews he does are always about Jimmy these days though. He said that he's super happy for both of them but people interview him asking him if he's upset that Drew has TV shows and he doesn't. He said the only thing that bothers him about their success is when people think he doesn't like it. He said he is happy for both of them. He said Jimmy is his kid's godfather and he knows his kids hope he dies.
Howard said that when they go to Jimmy's house Adam brings his Mangria. Howard asked if Jimmy gets upset about that. Adam said he doesn't think he cares. He said he really just brings it for himself. He said the business is good though. He said they've sold 25,000 cases. Howard said he has a lot of different kinds of the stuff too. He said he has his own alcoholic beverage. Howard asked if he's making any money with it. Adam said he is but it's hard to get into the business. Howard said it's tough to get shelf space. He said it's almost like the Mafia.
Howard said that Adam and Jimmy started out together. Adam said that he'll go a month without talking to him and it doesn't matter. He said that there's always a place in his heart for the guy. He said he's done so much for him and he appreciates that. He said there would be no him without Jimmy and he'll always think about him like that.
Howard said he was asking Jimmy about drawing and he asked about drawing pens. He said the next day Jimmy had sent him drawing paper and pens. He said that he's a very thoughtful guy. Adam said his kids get more shit from Jimmy than he gets for them. He said Jimmy is a huge celebrity and he is incredibly thoughtful. Howard said he's taught him a lot by example. Howard said Jimmy gets it. He said that he's like a woman when he shops.
Howard said Adam is on a movement to move hotel shower heads. Howard said that in 1931 the average height of a man was 5'6''. He said now it's 6'1'' tall and they still set the shower heads at a low height. Howard said this is not a goof and it's an important thing. Adam said you have to attempt to blow yourself in a hotel room to shower. Adam said all they have to do is move it up 6 inches. He said that the shorter people aren't going to suffer. He said that it's one of those codes that was set in 1931 and they haven't changed it. Howard said he's with him on that.
Howard gave Adam some more plugs for his ''Catch a Contractor'' show. Howard said that he likes this idea. He gave him a plug for the FundAnything thing too. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said Adam has a good mind on him. He said that he's fighting contractors and shower heads. Howard said he has often wondered why the shower heads are so low. He said it doesn't cost anything to raise it up. Howard said he just wants to see a shower head higher up. He said it's a pleasure to have it up there. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he was reading in the paper about the Oscars. He said the Hollywood Reporter said that Ellen flopped during the long, boring show. Howard said if you compare her monologue to Billy Crystal doing the same thing very year it was good. He said he'd rather see her go into the audience and give out pizza and actually do something new. Robin said she was glad they didn't do that same old thing like they do every year. Howard said he did laugh pretty hard at her saying that there was a Liza impersonator in the audience and calling her a ''sir.''
Howard said the show is long and boring usually and they haven't learned to eliminate a lot of crap from the show. Howard said this movement to bring your mom to the awards shows is just not cool. He said he still thinks they get pussy though. Howard said in a weird way they must catch pussy that night. He said their moms might be there with a catcher's mitt catching the pussy. Howard said that it doesn't slow the girls down at all. He said it seems like a very contrived thing to bring your mom there though. Howard said he misses the days when you'd see the hot girlfriend there. Howard said he doesn't want to see the mom there.
Howard said they were talking about the In Memorium thing and how some people were left out. Howard said they were complaining that Cory Monteith was left out but he was a TV star. Howard said there is a whole pecking order and the Professor from Gilligan's Island was left out too. He said that they were supposed to do who died this year but then Phillip Seymour Hoffman died in 2014 and they put him in. Howard said it's a whole weird thing. Gary said that James Galdonfini was in that area last year too.
Howard said the guy who changed it all was Heath Ledger. He said he didn't die in the last year so they put him in. He said that broke all of the rules. Howard said they should have had people who died in 2013 but they had some from 2014.
Howard said that there is a pecking order too. He said they have one picture for people and then two or more if you're a bigger star. Howard said he doesn't think he'll ever get into any In Memorium tribute.
Gary said that he was telling his son that they had the number 1 movie in the country with Private Parts. Howard said he doesn't think he'll end up in any memorial though.
Howard said they were wondering if they should put the mics up during the In Memorium thing. Howard said there was a big debate about that because some get more applause than others. Howard said that's what this NY Post article says. Howard read the article and told Robin about what they were saying about that.
JD came in and said that there was applause at the beginning but then he thinks that they potted it down. Howard said he was hoping for a Baba Booey during the In Memorium but they didn't get one. Howard said that Jonathan Winters didn't make it into the tribute. He said you'd think he would.
Robin said they've never limited people to doing just their show. Howard said they haven't but he's still freaked out by the whole thing. Howard said no one has told him not to do the other shows. He said Fallon told him to do the other shows and not worry about it. Howard said it's a problem.
Howard said that he loves Lorne Michaels too. He said he thinks the guy is brilliant. Howard said the guy isn't just a behind the scenes guy. He said Lorne used to write for ''Laugh In'' and he has tapped into a lot of talent. Howard said he created Saturday Night Live. He said he's had an amazing career.
Howard said all of the late night guys he respects and admires and he doesn't know what he would do. He said that they're all watching what you do and don't do. Howard said he says this with peace and love but he's not doing anymore late night shows. Robin said he's going to have to do all of them to make it equal. Howard didn't seem to like the sound of that.
Bobo asked if he brought this up with his shrink. Howard said he hasn't. He said he has other things to worry about. Howard said his psychiatrist yelled at him the other day. He said he told him to go home and think about stuff and he said he doesn't have the time. Howard said he has to catch certain behaviors and do things like that. Howard said he goes home and forgets. He said the shrink tells him not to write things down but he can't remember if he doesn't.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked about what he thinks about Brooke Burke Charvet being fired from Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he's not sure how she got on TV to begin with. Howard said reading is not her strong suit. Howard said she got pretty good at reading but then they fired her. Howard said they replaced her with another hot chick. Howard said they must have figured out that you get tired of looking at a hot chick.
Howard said Jim Lange from the Dating Game just died recently. Howard said he had years of training on the radio and he had done commercials and done it all. He said he hosted the Dating Game and the rest was history. Howard said he put in thousands of hours behind the microphone. Howard said that it could make you crazy if some good looking broad comes in and takes your job. Robin said if that woman waits 10,000 hours to get her due then they're not going to be hot. Howard said he hates when people don't put in their time.
Tommy asked about the movie 12 Years a Slave. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he's heard that it isn't fun. Tommy said he thinks the media is pushing too hard for that chick from the movie. He said that woman from the movie is attractive but she's not that hot. He said she doesn't have boobs. He said he has bigger boobs than she does. Howard said most of the women at the Oscars looked horrible in those gowns they were in. Howard said the designers hate women and that's obvious. He said the hair doesn't look good pulled back in the bun.
Tommy said the woman who looked the hottest was Matthew McConaughey's wife. He said she was really hot. Howard said he wasn't paying close enough attention to know what she looked like.
Howard said Justin Bieber turned 20 years old yesterday. He said it seems like just yesterday he was egging houses.
Tommy asked Howard about the commercial that played the Underdog theme song and if he thinks that Suzanne Muldowney is going to be upset. Howard said he's not sure but Shuli did talk to her again recently about her ear wax. Howard played the clip of Shuli calling Underdog lady and asking her how she's doing. She had an ear wax problem and said he had to speak up. Shuli had to yell into the phone to get through to her. Suzanne said she has had a clogging of wax in her left year forever. She said her right ear plugged up too. Underdog said she has to get some drops for her ear to get rid of it. She said it bubbles and itches. Shuli said he was going to vomit while she was telling him the story. She didn't hear him.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a guy using clips from Breaking Bad. They went to break after that.
Howard said he read that Kim Kardashian is using some kind of ass padding. Howard said that would be like him injecting fat into his nose.
Howard said he read that Marc Anthony is paying $18,000 a month in child support. Howard said he wonders where he gets that kind of money. Robin said he's a big star in the Latin community. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would need that kind of money for child support.
Howard said someone told him about this guy who is selling a film of President Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy banging Marilyn Monroe at the same time. Howard said people are wondering where Ted Kennedy was. Howard went into his Kennedy impression and talked about how he was the one filming it. Howard said he can't figure out why this guy sat on the film until now. Howard said if you have it then why not release it. Robin said they say that he was respecting Joe DiMaggio because the guy is a big baseball fan. Gary said he's been dead for 15 years though. Robin said that's what she read and that's what the guy is claiming he held on to it for.
Howard said he has some email to read. He read some feedback about his recommending Dr. Sarno's book. Howard said he had some praise for Sam Champion. Howard said that the writer had tears in his eyes when he heard about his father being proud of him. Howard said Mayim Bialik got some nice feedback. Howard said JD's plea to Katy Perry got some feedback too.
Howard said someone claims that the name El Chappo is a name for a short guy. Howard said someone said he doesn't sound very evolved when he says he'd cut a dictator's head off. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard said he read about a guy who was doing a gun safety demonstration and he shot and killed himself. Howard said he wonders how you do something like that. Howard said he feels bad for the guy but he just killed himself. Robin said that he didn't realize there was a bullet in the chamber. Howard said that's like getting driving instruction from Bobo. Howard said they say that Bobo is actually very good. Howard said he's like an idiot savant.
Howard said he wanted to say that a cat saved 11 people from a house fire. Howard said you should adopt a cat. Howard said they have an email set up on HowardStern.com for people who want to adopt. Howard said they have a 15 year old cat right now and she's very nice. He said they say she doesn't see much but she seems to see just fine. Howard said they have a blind cat that walks into walls all day long but this other one is so cute. Howard said she just sits on your lap all day. Howard said they're calling her Macie. Howard said you can get in on that.
Howard said this guy sent this clip to him about why he doesn't eat pussy. Howard said this is a young black guy who won't eat pussy. Howard played the clip and the guy said he won't do that because it's very dirty and disgusting. He said that females get yeast infections all the time. Howard said he sounds like some kind of pussy expert. Howard played more of the clip and the guy said that it doesn't mean that the woman is dirty but he's not going to put his mouth on a yeast infection. He said females bleed for a week a month. He said that women wouldn't suck on a guy's dick if it bled like that.
Howard said he's not sure what this guy's mission is here. Robin said maybe he thinks men have been misled. Howard asked if Robin wanted to hear more. Robin said she would like to hear more so she can evaluate. Howard played more of the audio and the guy was talking about how you're eating another guy's cum if you're eating pussy. Howard said this kid might have turned him. He said he might be a genius. Howard played more of the guy ranting about why eating pussy is disgusting.
Howard said this guy might be getting information from the same web site Sal gets his information from. Howard said he does make some good points though. The guy was saying that the butt hole is right there too. He said he's too good looking to have to do that shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what the worst job is that he's ever had. Howard asked if that's in general or just in radio. The guy said in general. Howard said he worked in a plumbing supply house that was pretty bad. He said he worked at an ad agency that was really boring. He said that was a real suit and tie job. He said he didn't like that at all. He said that he had to place ads and stuff like that and it was awful. He said he had to get out when he was told he had to work on the weekend. Howard said all he wanted as a young guy was to belong somewhere. He said he remembers walking around Manhattan with a briefcase full of resumes and he was going nowhere fast. He said he had volunteer jobs and wanted to kill himself doing that.
The caller asked if he had to deal with super irate customers who just went off on him. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he was fine once he got into radio. He said his favorite job he had was washing dishes. He said he loved the physical labor after that. Howard said he worked near a dish washer that had steam coning out and it felt great. The caller said he made bread in a bakery and he had to wash the pans like that. He said that was pretty wild.
Howard said he was an assistant media buyer and he hated that job. He said that was at Benton & Bowles advertising.
The caller asked Robin what her worst job was. Robin said she only had nursing jobs and this. Howard said she hated nursing. Robin said she didn't hate it at all. Howard said she had that one day where she straddled that guy. Robin said that job was fascinating. Robin said it wasn't as bad as Howard thinks emptying the bed pans. Robin said her patients were mostly trauma patients. She said they weren't shitting, they were just trying to stay alive.
The caller said he had to sell newspapers over the phone as a kid. Howard said sales jobs are the worst. He said he just remembered taking a job selling radio time. Howard said he went to this guy's apartment and he had other guys there doing something that had to be illegal. He said he got the job just showing up. He said the guy had his shirt off when he did the interview. Howard said the guy told him to go out and sell ad time for any radio station in New York. He said they told him not to take pay but barter the ads. Howard said he was pretty good at it. Howard said he went to a Chinese restaurant and he sat down with the guy who ran the place. He said he barely spoke English. Howard said he told the guy he didn't have to pay for the ad. He said he just had to let his boss eat there for free. Howard said he had pangs of guilt doing this. He said the guy looked at him and said he liked him. He said he gave him the okay to do it. Then he thought about this fat jackass of a boss scamming this guy. Howard said he felt like he was in cahoots with the devil. He said he went back and told his boss he got the ad. He said he turned around and looked at the guy and said he didn't want to work there anymore. Howard said he didn't trust what they were doing there. Howard said as he was doing that the cops were coming in and taking his records. Howard said he went back to the Chinese guy and told him not to buy anything from him. He said the guy started yelling about what he had done. Howard said that was the worst job he ever had.
Robin said she was a sales person for a radio station. She said that she sold sales consultant tapes. Howard said this walk down memory lane is making him sick. The caller asked if he could get his dad to sit in on the show for a couple of days to comment. Howard said his parents don't want to do anything anymore. He said that they barely leave the house now. Howard said that they say they would do stuff but he doesn't want to make them do it. The caller said he ran into Stuttering John at some party he was at. Howard said he thought they were ending this conversation. He said he felt stuck in it. Howard said that's great he said hi to Stuttering John. He let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he jerks off in front of his computer when he knows there's a camera on the computer. Howard said that he was reading about how they can turn those cameras on so he puts a piece of tape over the camera. Howard said he jerks off in complete privacy. Howard said he likes to get completely nude when he jerks off. He said he watches YouPorn and he's fully nude when he does it.
Robin said they say that the NSA is going through web sites to see what you're up to. Howard said he wouldn't want anyone seeing him naked.
The caller asked Howard about his cat licking his finger after he sticks it in his ear. Howard said that he shouldn't do that. He said these innocent animals need compassion so get away from the cat. Howard said these white people are fucked up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about the Type O Negative version of Cinnamon Girl. Howard thought they were from Germany the first time he heard the song. They were from Brooklyn though. Howard had Fred play the song for him. Howard said he had them on the show once and they did the song there in the studio. He said the lead singer is dead which bums him out. Howard let the song play and sang along with it a little bit. Howard said he wishes he was in a band and could play that. He said that's the song he's going to learn next.
Howard said Beth hates the music he plays in the house. He said he was running on the treadmill Beth. Howard said he played some songs for her and she hated it.
Richard Christy came in and said he wanted to jam with him. Howard said he has Richard for a band. He said he has Fred to play guitar too. Howard said he may make Richard grow his long hair back. Richard said he has a bald spot now.
Howard and Richard talked about Peter Steele dying of some heart condition. Howard said that he was in shape too. Richard said he used to drink a bottle of wine on stage and the guy was so big that it looked like a pop bottle. Richard said they had some other good songs that Howard would like. Howard said they had a couple of songs that were okay. He said he thinks Cinnamon Girl was the best of the songs they did. He had Fred play the song Richard was talking about but it wasn't one of their best according to Howard.
Howard said that Marilyn Manson did a great cover of ''Sweet Dreams'' that he loved. He had Fred play that. Howard said he heard that you can get these guys cheap to perform for you. Howard went into his Zacherle impression and talked up the song.
Howard had Fred play Cheap Trick's cover of ''Magical Mystery Tour.'' Fred said he has to see if they have it in the system. Howard asked how they can't have it in there. Fred said they did and played it. Howard said he listens to the live version that he really likes. He said he wants to play like Rick Nielson in his own band. He said he has to play guitar sitting down. He said they can't start the band until he can stand up and play. He said the first thing he has to do is buy a guitar strap.
Howard said that he has to play the guitar way too high on his chest. He said he won't look that cool. Howard said if you play up too high you're a douche. He said he wants it down low and sexy. He said he wants it like that guy Angus in AC/DC. He said he's a skinny little fuck. Richard said he sweats so much you can see where he was on the stage.
Howard said he has to learn to play some AC/DC. Robin asked if he has learned any Jimi Hendrix. Howard said he wanted to learn and he wrote to Leslie West who ended up sending him a picture of him on stage with Jimi. Howard said he ended up asking about that instead of getting some tips.
Richard told Howard to learn to play ''For Those About to Rock'' because it's really fun. Howard said he has to play these songs over and over. Richard said that's what he had to do when he was in the band. He said that's why he didn't get laid for 10 years. Howard said any guy in a band should be able to get laid. He said if you can't then you're an ultimate loser.
Howard said he's seen DJs that couldn't get laid. He said if you work in a radio station you should be able to get laid. Howard had to go to break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about drug legalization and how the governor in California isn't sure that it's a good idea. Robin said they're afraid that too many people will be stoned. Howard said he thinks that the same people that get high now are the same ones that would get high if it was legal. Howard said he could get pot if he wanted to but he isn't interested. Howard played another Robin song parody where they had Robin singing how she would fuck you hard like a teacher to the tune of Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher.'' Howard said that was from Dan the Song Parody Man.
Robin read about a California couple that's suing Spike TV over the show that Adam Carolla was plugging this morning. Robin said that one of the plumbing pipes that they were supposed to have done was not connected so they had sewage leaking into the walls of the house. Robin said they're asking for $3 million in damages.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he had some people over last night watching the Oscars and they were going nuts when they saw Steve McQueen with a white woman. King said he was egging them on too. Howard said it must have been fun over at his house. King said that they were talking about how a black guy sounds more intelligent when he's with a white woman. King was giggling through all of that. Howard said he's cracking himself up. He let King go a short time later. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard saw the picture of President Clinton with the girls from the bunny Ranch in the paper. Howard asked her to tell him about that. Robin said he was at a charity event and Dennis Hof was there and the girls went with him. Robin said when they saw Clinton coming off stage the girls stopped him for a picture. Robin said that he stopped and smiled and they snapped the photo. Ron Jeremy got one too. Howard said that he's on camera so that's a safe place. He said when he's off camera you have to worry.
Robin read about Michael Jackson being so in debt that there was no money. Howard said they say his estate is very well run right now. Robin said they say that they do have cash and it's making money now. Robin said the primary recipients are his 3 kids. Robin said that they are getting some money and they are spending it. Robin had a breakdown of what they're spending the money on. Howard said that guy had some scene going on at that house. He said that the kids were able to walk around without masks once Michael died. Howard said now they have money and they'll never have to work. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that.
Robin read about Elliot Spitzer having another woman in his life. Robin said there's a story in the paper about how he was making out with a woman at a Knicks game. Howard said that guy is seriously nuts. He said he doesn't get why he has to make out in public like that. He said he has to know that people are watching. Howard said he read that Oscar Pistorius has a 19 year old girlfriend. Robin said that's amazing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about Oscar Pistorius and how his trial is going so far. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what it was like for her. Robin said that it'll be interesting to see how this case turns out. Howard wondered how good of a chance the guy has of getting off. Robin asked how much they thought OJ had a chance of getting off. Howard said that's crazy.
Robin read a story about Michael Douglas' mom talking about how Michael and Catherine Zeta-Jones are trying to work things out.
Howard said he just doodled a picture of a guy and it's very disturbing. Howard told Jason to take a picture of it and put it on the web. He said he thinks it's the buy who played Balki on Perfect Strangers. Howard told Jason not to put the writing in there but put the picture up. Jason thought it looked like an angry him. Howard said they may have a contest to find the person that the picture is of. Howard said he's a wanted man.
Robin read about how Apple is going to introduce a new car system to give people a more hands free audio system in their car. Robin said this will be revealed at the Geneva auto show. Howard said he just wants the thumb print thing to work. He said it worked for a few days and then stopped. He said it doesn't work at all for him now. He said it's so annoying. Gary said his phone stopped working when you talk into it and it turns to text. He said that things just stop working and you have to turn it off and then on again. Howard said he dictates most of his texts and it works fine. He said you can take your time talking slowly.
Robin read about how they ban gays from marching in the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Robin said then you think about what happens at the parade. Robin said these people get drunk and vomit in the street. Robin wondered why gay people can't be seen there. Howard said the gays must make them look bad. Robin said the city has taken a position on the parade and city officials will not be marching in the parade this year. Robin said they are marching in other St. Patty's day parades. Robin said Bill DeBlasio marched in the Queens parade which was a ''for all'' parade. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would go to CNN and work for them if they paid him good money like Sirius. Howard said that it would depend on the job. He said he has nothing against CNN. Howard said there's no reason for him to leave there though. He said he doesn't need that job.
Robin read a story about the Arizona bill that would allow for people to deny service to people based on religious reasons. Robin said the governor vetoed that bill.
Howard asked Jason where he posted that picture that he doodled. Jason said he has it up on the web. He said people are saying it looks like Tom Sizemore.
Robin read about how Kerry Kennedy was found not guilty in her driving while impaired trial. Robin read some details about the trial and how some people are saying that she wouldn't have been acquitted so quickly if she wasn't a Kennedy. That led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression and goofing around with that for a few minutes. Robin had some audio of Kerry Kennedy talking about why she thinks she won the case.
Robin read a story about the Russians going into Crimea in the Ukraine. Robin and Howard talked about how Putin sent people in to calm things down now that his guy isn't in office there. Howard said he thinks they're going to take over the country. Robin said the Ukrainian ambassador is looking for them to stop the Russian invasion there. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about that. Robin had some audio of John Kerry talking about this invasion too.
Robin read about Ellen Degeneres hosting the Oscars last night. Robin mentioned some of the things she was poking fun at during her monologue. Robin had some audio of her poking fun at Liza Minelli too. Robin said that she also met the goal of getting her photo more retweets than any other. They actually brought Twitter down when she sent out this photo. Robin said that Twitter did have a problem. Howard said people are like that. He said they're not satisfied until they break something.
Robin said Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale have a new son. Robin said the new baby is named Apollo Bowie Flynn. Robin said they also have a Kingston and a Zuma.
Robin said that Heidi Klum has a new boyfriend. Howard said he was busting her balls at America's Got Talent when they were shooting that.
Robin said Osama bin Laden's son in law is on trial for conspiring to kill American's. Robin said he's on trial in New York. Robin said that streets will be sealed off around the court house. Robin said they will try to prove that he tried to rally others to kill Americans.
Robin read about how Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are still trying to be action stars. Howard said they are action stars. Robin said Liam Neeson waited until he was 50 to start and he's doing very well with the action movies. Robin said she thinks that Stallone and Schwarzenegger look ridiculous making those movies now.
Robin read that Rob Zombie is looking to make a movie about Charles Manson. Robin said he's teamed up with someone to make that movie.
Robin read a story about some knife wielding attackers who slashed a bunch of people at a train station in China. Robin said that they did this around 9pm and most of the victims were adults. Robin said you don't need guns to cause carnage. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show after that. They were done around 10:20am.
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Jon went over some of the other things he wanted to talk about today and said he wanted to start off talking about the poll they had about the bowling match between Shuli and Scott the Engineer and Scott won the poll.
Gary showed up so Jon brought up the broken guitar. Gary said he's guessing it was an accident. He said it's not something that just happens. Jon said it's not just dinged and it's not just something that happened.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks the glue just broke and the guitar snapped. Gary said he doesn't know enough about guitars to know that. The caller said that they could have over tightened the strings and it could have done that. He said that it could have just broken on its own. Gary said he hopes nobody did it. He said it would be more interesting for the air but it would be uncomfortable being around that person.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has his money on Scott the Engineer. Gary said he doesn't have any reason to think it was him. He said someone did see someone in the studio who usually isn't in there but he had to tell everyone to calm down. He said that they can't jump to conclusions. Jon said he thinks if it was Scott he would cop to it. Gary said he thinks he would too. He said no one made any effort to cover it up if they did break it. The guy asked for a plug for his Twitter but Gary said they try not to plug stuff like that.
Jon asked if Howard has fun doing things like playing guitar. Gary said he thinks it's a bit he does for the air but he thinks that he's doing it seriously. He said he takes everything very seriously. He said The Losers rehearsals used to start at 11 and go until 4 or 5 in the afternoon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have to check the humidity in the room where they keep the guitar. He said if it dries out then it can break like that. Gary said that they will go through the tapes anyway. The caller said that's a pretty common thing to happen.
Jon moved on to talk about the Oscars and how Ellen did as the host. Gary said some of the stuff worked better than others. He said it is an impossible task though. He said people didn't like the way Letterman hosted but he loved it. He said people felt the same way about Seth McFarlane.
Gary said that he agrees with Howard about the women getting all made up and how they don't look like themselves.
Jon said Howard brought up the point about how when he passes away he isn't sure if he'll be in the In Memorium thing. Gary said he thinks that by that time he will. He said that his peers will be making that decision. Gary said if Matt Lauer died he's wondering if they'd put him in there. Jon said Larry King has been in movies. Gary said he would put him in. He said he'd just get one photo though. He said Phil Everly and Phil Ramone were mentioned. Jon said they forgot about Dennis Farina. He said he was shocked that they forgot him. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary if he does the same thing with his wife that Adam was talking about. Gary said he checks on things that they spend money on and his wife gives him a hard time about it. He said he just wants to make sure that they're not getting ripped off with credit card theft. He said that his wife will give him a hard time but he's just trying to keep them straight.
Jon asked if Gary has any contractor horrors. Gary said he doesn't think so and he had a house built. Jon said that Adam has the knowledge about things so he knows if he's getting ripped off. Gary said there are a lot of scams that go on but there was a thing in their neighborhood a few years back where these people would come in and re-do your driveway. He said they'd ask for half of the money up front and then do the work. Then they'd get the full payment and the tar would wash off the driveway because it wasn't real. He said that seemed like a lot of work to rip someone off though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if JD picked up the picture of Mel B and Heidi kissing at some party. He said it's the hottest picture he's ever seen. He was also wondering if Howard has ever gone to an Oscar party. Gary said they have to work so they never get to go to those parties. He said Howard did have one a few years back though.
Jon asked why Adam brings his Mangria to Jimmy's party. Gary said he's invested in the company so maybe that's why. Gary said that he's not even sure what it is. Jon asked Steve Brandano what it is since he's an expert. Steve said Adam came up with the idea to pour a little vodka into a little wine in a bottle. He said the stuff is really strong. Gary said he wasn't sure what it was. Gary said he thought it was like Sangria.
Steve also mentioned that Gary's interview on Adam's wife's podcast is up and available. He said it's called the 10th Avenue Podcast.
Gary said he did the interview in the green room there. He said he came close to crying talking to her. Jon said he'll have to check that out. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Howard was talking about the worst job he's ever had. Jon asked Gary what he thinks that his was. Gary said he had one for Lisa G this morning. He said he just thought of another one. Gary said that there was a radio station he did where he worked from midnight to 8am on a Saturday into a Sunday morning. He said that he had to put up reel to reel tapes for 15 minute blocks. He said he had to put together a Sunday morning public affairs thing and it was awful. He said he did it for like 6 months. He said he felt like he was in radio so he didn't quit sooner. He said the funniest thing was that they had a computer there and if there was 8 seconds of silence an alarm would go off. He said one morning he woke up and there was drool coming out of his mouth. He said that the phone rang and someone said that they were off the air. He figured he was off the air for like 25 minutes and he never logged it in their log book.
Jon asked Leiberman if he ever had a job like that. Leiberman said he was working for a station where he had to shoot his own video and edit it. He said they were in a country music station and all you could hear was the country music bleeding down from the station there. He said he had to read lips to hear what the anchor was saying to him when he was doing things out in the field.
Jon Hein said that he worked as an usher in a movie theater. He said that it sounds great. He said he learned how to run a movie so he became a projectionist. He said that was the good news. He said being an usher is a thankless job. He said you wait for people to leave and the floors are just nasty when the movie is over.
Gary said he told Lisa about being a stock boy at 16 and he was the token male there. He said that he had to clean the bathroom there and it was all women there. He said it was not clean.
Jon said they were going to end the show so he had Jon Leiberman give his news preview. Leiberman ran down the list of the subjects they had for the news today and for his Leiberman Live show. They ended the show around 11:00am.
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Howard started the show talking about the live version of The Great American Nightmare that he had playing at the start of the show. It was from his birthday bash. Howard said that was Rob Zombie doing his thing there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they figured out how many shows he's done. Howard said Gary wrote him a note saying it was more complicated than it looks. Howard said he didn't know what that means. He told Gary to forget it. He said that's the way Gary approaches him and he didn't have an answer for him.
Gary came in and said that he can get it done but it's going to take a lot of manpower. He said he's not sure he wants him to put his guys on that. Howard said forget it then. He said Gary should make that decision. Gary said that he doesn't think they should do it. He said he'd have to take people away from their jobs. He said some people would have to count shows for a couple of days. Howard said Gary says it's not worth it.
The caller said he didn't think it would be easy. He said they've been doing it for like 50 years. Howard said they'll never know how many shows they've done.
The caller said he sends in songs about Robin and he thanked him for playing them. Howard asked what his best is. The guy said he has one called Hot Lunch. Fred said that may be harder to find than the number of shows they've done. Fred found it a few seconds later. Fred played the song which was about Robin needing a hot lunch made from his semen. Howard had already hung up on the guy.
Gonzo told Howard he wasn't the one who came up with the stuff about Eric that Eric gets upset about. Eric said that's bullshit. He said that he is the one writing that stuff. Gonzo said he's just hoping Eric is okay. Eric told him to drop dead. Gonzo said that's pretty harsh.
Gonzo said Eric has this aggressive attitude toward him and he's not sure why. Eric kept yelling at him. He said that Eric is the one who sends this vicious stuff toward him and he can't send it back. He said Eric has him blocked. Eric said there is some kind of trick he uses to follow him. Gonzo said that Eric wants him to follow him. Eric said that's bullshit too. Howard asked Gonzo what he does for a living that he has time to do this. Gonzo said he doesn't have a regular job. He said he works from 8 to 5. He said that Eric spends more time on them than they do on him.
Gonzo said he likes Eric and he's not sure why he has this vendetta toward him. Howard said he seems to be offering up a peace pipe so to speak. Eric didn't care and told him that they're harassing his family too. Gonzo said he hasn't done that. Eric said he's Gonzo Stern on Facebook. Gonzo said that's not who he is. He said he's GonzoShickCock on Twitter. He said that he told people to leave Eric alone when he had his heart problem. Eric said that he still does it. Gonzo said he took a hiatus for a week.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is on the line saying that Eric is an asshole but so is Gonzo. Howard got him on the line too. Jeff said he used to tweet him too. He said he's a fucking asshole. Eric told Jeff to go drink. Jeff went off on Eric too. Howard thanked Jeff for weighing in on that. Howard said the peace pipe has been put out there but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Howard said Eric says that too much has gone down.
Gonzo said that Eric has that blog on HowardStern.com and he can blog about him there so it's not very fair. Howard thanked them for calling in and he's sorry that it didn't work out. Eric asked Howard not to drop his call. Howard said he thinks that he's had enough time on the air. Eric said that's not what he even called in for. He said he had some information about what he was talking to Adam about yesterday. Howard said he's not sure he wants to go back that far. Robin asked what Adam he was talking about. Eric said Adam Carolla.
Eric said that they were talking about the shower head heights and he knows a hotel expert they can talk to. Howard said he doesn't need that. He said they just want the shower heads raised.
Howard asked Eric if he will direct message Gonzo after this call. Eric said fuck no. Gonzo said he hopes they can patch things up. Eric told him to shut the fuck up. Gonzo said this is what he has to deal with every day. He said he's being cyber bullied every day.
Eric asked if Howard saw Jimmy Kimmel's Suit of the Loom. Howard said he did and it was great. He said the whole piece was emotional on his show. Eric said he posted the link. Howard wrapped up and thanked them for calling in again. He let them go after that.
Howard said this source he has said that it was hard to sit there silently. He said that they wanted to applaud so they should just let them. Howard said that this is like being in high school because they don't want more applause for one than the other. Howard said it helps build character.
Howard said he has some exciting news. He said he thinks Robin will be excited about this. He said he was. Howard said Benjy is going to be one of the stars of Sharknado 2. Howard said he can't reveal too much but he will be eaten by a shark. Howard asked Benjy how this happened.
Benjy said that his sister told him about 6 months ago that she was meeting with the people from the film company. He said they just asked for him. Benjy said this guy David wrote him and they really wanted Howard for the film. Benjy said he thought they wanted him. He said he told them to go to Don Buchwald. Benjy said he got back in touch after missing an email from them and he missed filming last week. He said he's going to go tomorrow.
Howard asked if he has seen the scrip. Benjy said he hasn't yet. He said they're writing his role today and they'll tell him what he's doing. Howard said he didn't think they could lower than Tara Reid but they've found Benjy.
Howard asked Benjy what he's going to do in the movie. Benjy said he really doesn't know. He said they say that he will have some kind of interaction with one of the stars of the movie. He said a shark will kill him somehow. Benjy said he was practicing reactions after watching the first Sharknado. Howard said the shark is going to throw up from eating so much.
Howard asked when he's shooting. Benjy said it'll be tomorrow afternoon. Fred played some audio of Benjy making some weird noises so Howard told him to just act like that on the set. Howard congratulated him on that. Howard said he has never actually watched Sharknado. He said he likes talking about it but he thinks it would ruin it for him. Benjy said it's really fun so he should watch it.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard out on the streets talking to people about a Sharknado that hit the city.
Howard said he and Fred were interacting over guitar yesterday. He said they had a good time with that.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with this company. He said that their revenue is up by 12 percent. Howard said that they have 25.6 million subscribers and over a billion in revenue. Howard said they have a net income of $65 million. He said he wanted to check the stock to see what's going on with that. Howard said he figured he was a rich man. Howard said it's actually down. He said someone has to explain the stock market to him. He said he doesn't understand that.
Howard read an article about what the company is doing and it was all positive stuff. Howard said he doesn't get why that doesn't reflect in the stock price. He said the stock was at 3.57 and the last time he checked it was at like 4.18. He said he doesn't understand. Robin said there is nothing to understand.
Howard took a call from Wolfie and said he was going to check to see if he had any of his stuff. Wolfie said he read an article about the new Fantastic Four movie and he saw that the Human torch is going to be black. Howard said he's white in the comics. Howard said he's not sure what's up with that. Howard said maybe they explain it by saying that now that he's a torch he turned black. Howard said they didn't think about having black characters when they came up with the comics. Howard said it's good to have everyone represented in the movies though. He said that he's not sure how they'll explain the white sister thing in the story though.
Howard said he had a clip of Wolfie asking people on the street about labia. Howard played the clip and Wolfie was asking people what they think Labia is. One guy thought it was titty. Howard played more of the clip and Wolfie asked a guy what he preferred, labia majora or labia minora. He preferred majora. Another guy said that he thought it was dealing with a Jewish Holiday when he was asked what a labia minora is. Howard asked what made him ask that question. Wolfie said that Howard was talking about the word labia and how gross it sounds. Howard said he's not even sure what they are. Robin said they are the outer and inner lips of the labia. Howard said that's weird. He said he has lisp on his face but Robin has two other lips. Howard asked if she's ever looked at them. Robin said that you're supposed to. She said that she has looked in the mirror. Howard asked if that's what they mean when they talk about meat flaps. Robin said yes. Wolfie said that they're also called beef curtains.
Howard said Beth has a nice vagina but he doesn't usually look that close. Howard asked Fred if his wife has nice ones. Fred said she does. He said she doesn't have any pastrami or anything. Howard asked Benjy if his girl does too. Benjy said she has a nice one. Howard said he puts on that voice when he's talking about her.
Howard played more of the Wolfie questions and one guy was referring to them as ''Ladia'' and saying he works the ''click'' too. Another caller knew what they were and said that's the pussy or the cunt or the nappy sappy. The guy said he's all up in that whole thing. Robin said he must not have heard that guy yesterday talking about why he won't eat that. Howard thanked Wolfie for that and let him go. Howard said that Bryan Cranston is coming in. Howard said they also have Coco Brown coming in. He said she's a porn star who is going into space. Howard said they already have a ticket for her. Robin asked why anyone cares about a porn star going into space. Howard said he cares. He said it seems funny to him.
Howard said Sal called up Gary the Retard and told him what she's going into space and asked if he had any advice for her since he had been to space. Gary had some advice for her to just eat cheese and not the rocks on the moon. Howard said that he thought it would be funny to talk to a porn star going into space. Howard said Robin is right when she asks why anyone would care. Howard said he is interested though.
Howard played the advice Gary the Retard had for Coco. Howard said that he told her to eat cheese because that's the only thing they serve on the moon. Howard said it was hard to understand Gary. Gary also told her not to eat the rocks.
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Howard said the whole space flight is just 90 minutes. He said that it must be cool to be in zero gravity. Robin said you can do that there on earth though. Howard said it costs $100,000 and he heard she got that from her ex-husband.
Howard said Coco is there now. He said she looks great. They had a theme song for her ready to go too. Howard asked why she wants to go to space. Howard said it seems like a waste of money. Coco said she wants to be the first porn star to be in space. She said she likes fast cars too. She said if she's going to invest her money in a Porsche Panamera or something then why not just do this. She said she likes that adrenaline rush and things like that. She said people are afraid that her fake boobs will explode but nothing happened when she did the zero G ride thing.
Howard said Coco has to go to space camp for this. She said she has to go to training at a real space station. She said she's not sure how much training she needs but it all depends on the kind of money you want to spend. She said just one lesson comes with the ride to space. She said the one thing that's included is a simulator where they put you in and spin you around. She said they teach you not to throw up.
Howard asked when she's going into space. She said it'll be March 2015. She said she will be helping with the controls since it's just two people. Howard said she may end up in space all alone like in Gravity. Coco said she's going to more training so she's working on that. She said she will know more about what she's doing before she goes. She said she will bring them both home either way.
Howard asked if she's going to get naked or anything up there. Coco said she hasn't thought about it. She said she thinks she just wants to come home,. Howard said she should be naked. She said she has to wear a suit. She said maybe underneath it she can wear something. She said she would wear something crotchless if she could.
Howard said she met her ex-husband when she was stripping. She said she was working in Las Vegas at the time. She said that it was at the Deja Vu club. Howard asked if he fell for her right away. She said he didn't. She said that you don't usually get that lucky. She said she did love the man. She said he was an older white man of course. Howard asked Coco how long the marriage lasted. She said they were together 12 years and the marriage was 10. Robin asked if she has any kids. Coco said she has a child that she brought into the relationship.
Howard asked if her son knows what she does. She said that he does and he doesn't really see it like it's that big of a deal. She said he seems her as a fat headed mom. She said that your kids don't see you like other people do.
Howard asked why she got out of porn. Coco said she got out in 2003 when there was a big HIV scare. She said she just wanted to get out and not do it anymore. Howard asked if she got a big settlement from her husband. She said it wasn't that big. Howard asked why she would use this money to go into space if she didn't get that much. Howard asked if people are saying it's a crazy thing to do. She said the only person saying that is her ex-husband. Howard asked if she's a millionaire. She said that she is always striving to be better than she is today. She said her son goes to boarding schools. Howard said she must be worth 3 million at least. Coco said she's doing okay. She said she doesn't talk about that kind of thing. Howard said she has to talk about it with him.
Howard asked Coco what she does for a living now. Coco said she's making people more aware of who she is. She said she lives in Europe now. She said she hasn't done a movie in over 10 years though. Howard asked if she's looking to get a movie or a reality show or something. She said she would like that. Howard asked what she's trying to do with her career. She said she has a list of things she's trying to get done. She said she has written a comic book and she may turn that into a graphic novel, or maybe not. Coco said that she wants to have a contest to have someone come watch her doing her training for the space travel. Howard said it doesn't sound like there's any money in this. Coco said that's not what this is about. She said there are people who would like her to write a book. She said she would like a reality show though.
Howard asked if she speaks German since she lives in Germany. She said she does. Howard had her tell him he's the best looking man she's ever seen. She did that in German.
Howard said Coco has put up $100,000 to go into space. Robin said it sounds like more since she's taking training. coco said it is more. Howard asked if she was ever a dominatrix. She said she was but not during the stripping days. Howard asked how many years she was a dominatrix. She said it was a few months. Howard asked if the guys are usually ugly guys. She said they are. Howard asked what he'd have to pay to get one. She said it all depends on the reputation they have. Coco said she's not sure how it would work there in the States. She said that they do some wild stuff like putting needles through a breast or through a clitoris. She said that she didn't do that stuff. She said that she didn't want her breast implants broken.
Howard asked what kind of weird stuff she had to do as a dominatrix. Coco said that she had a guy who wanted her to put a horse glove on that goes all the way to your shoulder. She said this guy liked to be fisted and he wanted her whole arm in him. Howard asked if that whole arm can fit in there. Coco said that once you get to a certain point you have to push hard. She had to have someone push her into the guy. She said the guy didn't say a word while she was doing it. She said she fell inside of him and she was able to feel his heart beat on her hand. She said she quit right after that. She said it took her like 5 minutes to pull out of his booty hole. Howard asked what he paid for that. She said it's like $1000 or so. She said that it's insane. She wondered who would want that.
Howard asked if she has peed on anyone. She said she has done that but she won't let anyone do it to her. She said that one guy had her feed him a shit ice cream cone. She said it was wrapped up like a waffle cone. She said that he was asking her to feed it to her and she was watching it on his tongue and on his teeth. Howard said the guy must smell when he shows up. Coco said that he had it wrapped up. Howard asked if it was his own shit. She said she thinks it was. Howard asked if it ate it all. She said he did. Howard asked if she vomited after that. She said that his breath smelled really bad. She said she just brushes that kind of thing off and gets over it. She said it doesn't upset her.
Coco told Howard about a guy who would put metal balls inside his penis and he stuck about 40 of them in there. She said they were like the size of a marble. She said that he'd stick them in there and you could see them along the shaft of the penis. Then the guy would make movements and all of them would shoot out. Howard asked why guys do that stuff and why they want her to see it. She said there must be something stamped on her head saying that she wants to see it. Coco said that she doesn't even say anything. She said she's just a part of the whole thing. Howard said that sounds like it's a really freaky thing.
Coco said her ex-husband didn't want sex from her. She said that he probably just wanted her to watch him do weird stuff. Howard asked what happened to these guys who stick marbles up their penis. Coco said that's what she wonders.
Howard gave Coco a plug for her web site ItsCocoBrown.com. She said she has a site at Coco-Brown.com too.
Howard said Robin didn't think anyone wanted to hear about her going into space but she was very interesting. Robin said she was but she still wonders who cares about her going into space. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said Bryan Cranston is coming in and he loved him at the birthday bash doing the impression of JD. Howard said he should enter that contest.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's looking forward to the new season of AGT. She asked if he asked Mel B about the pictures of her on that yacht. Howard said he did do that during the taping. He said he talked to her at the judge's dinner too. He said that she told him that the other woman was one of her best friends and she claims that they weren't doing a thing. Howard said Mel claimed that they were just paling around. Howard said she's not the one who shys away from girls but she claims that she wasn't doing anything with her there. Howard said Mel claims there was nothing going on there. Robin said they were feeling boobs and things. Howard said he did ask her about it and that's the answer he got. Howard said he did it on and off camera. Howard said he told her she had to be doing something but Mel claims that she wasn't. Howard said he told her it was bullshit so he was investigating.
Howard said he grilled Heidi on and off camera about the guy she's with. Howard said he doesn't censor himself when he's doing that. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if that guitar that Donovan gave him was acoustic. Howard said it is. The caller asked if he has effects pedals yet. Howard said he doesn't. He said Leslie West told him he'd have fun with them but the guitar store guy told him he's moving too fast. Fred agreed. Howard said that he has to do that when they have a band. Fred said that's true. Howard said one of his favorite things to do is watch the guitar players who fuck around with the pedals on the floor. He said he does that when he does air guitar at home. He said he loves doing that. Howard said they have guys on AGT who do air guitar and they never do that on the show. Howard said half the time they forget they have a guitar.
Robin said they had that Bobby Badfingers guy on AGT the first season. Robin said now they look for real talent. Howard said people are sick of the segment where they pretend they don't know that they have bad talent coming out. Howard said they have really good talent this season. He said it was mind blowingly good when they taped a few weeks ago. Howard said it has been incredible. Howard said it's been a really good season so far. He said that he has yelled at a couple of people but only 3 at the most.
Howard said it was good to see that they have talent. He said they come through with the good stuff. He said they have a lot of great comedians this season too. Howard said they had one guy who was so good he wondered how he wasn't a big star already. Howard said he was laughing his ass off at the guy. Howard said there was nothing wrong with him.
Howard said they had some guitar singers who were very good singers but the guitar got in their way. Howard said they had one guy who was really good and maybe he needed an open tuning. Howard said you have to check that out to figure out what he's talking about. Howard said the guy knew what he was talking about.
The caller told Howard to try the effects pedals. Howard said he knows he'd have fun with it. The caller said that he has to experience it. Howard said he has to learn a song first. He said he's going to hold off on the pedals for now.
Howard said he can't remember the words to a song and he has trouble doing both reading music and the lyrics. Fred said that Howard is able to sing and play so he is making strides. Howard said he thinks Google Glass would be good for that. He said it would be like having a teleprompter. Howard said he just got a magazine and they were saying that you'll have a wrist band that will have all of your apps on it. Howard said he doesn't want that on his wrist though. He said it looks cool but he doesn't want that stuff. He said it would be cool if it had a projector on it that could project onto a wall. Howard said he doesn't like it from a health point of view. He said he doesn't want things like that stuck to his body.
Robin said she's into this FitBit thing right now. She said she has a device that tells her how many calories she's burned and things like that. Howard said someone gave Howie Mandel one of those last season. Howard said Howie had to walk a certain amount of steps a day because of his OCD and it was always making him walk. He said he had to go to the doctor to get the thing off of him. Howard said Howie was struggling with the thing and it was crazy.
Robin said she found that she walks 7 miles around her house. She said she has to make all of the lines go green so she has to meet all of the goals. That keeps her moving.
Howard read some mail about his Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee episode. Howard said that the person thought he was very good in it and he ''almost relaxed.'' Howard said that the person also said he's a good looking older man. Howard thanked the writer for that.
Howard read some mail about the Ted Kennedy impression he did yesterday and how funny the person thought it was. Howard read some mail about the Oscars and some of the stuff they discussed yesterday.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about the doodle that he drew that they put on the web. Howard said someone thought it was Jeff Goldblum. Howard said that most people seem to think that it looks like himself. Howard said that might be the way he sees himself. Howard said he was just drawing and he didn't know who he thought it looked like.
Howard said he has the list of who people thought it looked like. 43 thought it was Sal, 19 thought it was JD. He said some people thought it was Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said some people thought it was Drew Carey or even his own dad. Howard said nothing really stood out there. Howard said one guy on the web took a shot of Fred the Elephant Boy and cut it into the doodle. He had to retweet that. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has come to appreciate the Allman Brothers more and more the older he gets. Robin said that's been happening a lot. Howard said it has.
Howard said Bryan Cranston is there and he's in the Broadway play ''All the Way'' playing Lyndon B. Johnson. Howard said that he has to thank Bryan for doing that impression of JD at his birthday show. Howard said JD just thought it was alright when he asked him about it. Bryan did more of his impression of JD mumbling about that. Howard said he thinks that people are going to like seeing him doing that impression when he releases some of that on the internet. Howard said Bryan was very funny that night. He said no one thinks about him that way. Bryan said no one expects anything from him. He said he just goes out and whatever happens, happens.
Howard said Bryan has won 3 Emmys and no one has done that other than bill Cosby. Howard said he thinks that giving the Emmy to Jeff Daniels instead of Bryan was wrong. He said he didn't mean any offense to Jeff but he thought Bryan deserved it.
Howard said that he knows Bryan has people advising him career wise but he's done so many great projects. Howard said he's doing a Broadway show now. Howard said that is the actor thing to do. Howard said he thinks that he'd cash him in on the Breaking Bad thing. Howard said he doesn't think he would have done the play. Bryan said he did a blockbuster movie called Godzilla that's coming out in May. Howard said he read that there were a lot of big names up for his role in that movie. Bryan said he's actually playing Godzilla. Howard said he loved Godzilla. Howard said he got fired in free radio for doing ''Godzilla goes to Harlem.'' Bryan laughed. He said that he actually plays the father of Aaron Johnson in Godzilla. That movie is coming out in May. He said he plays the scientist at the lab and figures out the problem. Howard asked if he has to kill Godzilla. Bryan said they do figure that out.
Howard said he heard that Joseph Gordon Levitt was up for his role. Howard said it had to be for the son role though. Bryan said it had to. Bryan said that the movie is a monster movie but they also have a lot of character development. He said they gave them stuff to do and it was fun. He said there is some acting in the movie. He said they did a lot of green screen stuff but there is acting.
Howard asked Bryan if it's hard to do that green screen thing. Bryan said it's not that bad. He said that's what they do.
Howard asked if it's difficult to pick projects now that Breaking Bad is done. He said that he can't let something suck now. He said people are looking at him now. He said Breaking Bad had 13 million households watching. Howard said that it has to be more than that. Howard asked if he worries about the failure of success. Bryan said he's freaking out now that Howard has brought it up. Howard said that he's going to be under the microscope with everything. Bryan said he's never worried about it. He said that's the way he's been doing things for 30 years. He said he did the goofy dad thing with Malcolm in the Middle for 7 years and he doesn't want to do that again. He said that he already did it.
Howard said someone told him that when Bryan reads a script he has a point system he uses. Bryan said he does. He said that he has to have 20 points or higher to get a pass. He said Godzilla had 18 or 19 points. He said 20 points would be Breaking Bad. He said that had 20 easily. He said it had the best pilot script he's ever read. He said he didn't have to audition for it either. He said that he knew Vince Gilligan from an X-Files episode he did. He said that Vince knew that he'd be the right guy for the role.
Howard asked if he will ever get a role as good as that again. Bryan said he doesn't think so in TV. He said that the Broadway play is so good though. He told Robin to just wait until she sees it.
Howard talked to Bryan about the play and talked about LBJ and what he did while he was in office. Howard asked if he thinks that he was one of those guys who had a chip on his shoulder. Bryan said he left office broken hearted. He said he thinks that if he was diagnosed today he would be manic depressive. Howard said LBJ used to make fun of himself and he was a comical guy. Bryan said he could be angry too though. He said he could turn in a second.
Bryan told Howard that it's just the President and about 18 other actors playing about 36 roles. Howard asked if he plays the Presidential guy or the regular guy. Bryan said he's Presidential unless he's taking a crap.
Howard asked about some of the other characters they have in the play and Bryan told Howard about having Hubert Humphries in it. He did some of his impression of Humphries. Howard asked how long it takes for him to get the words down. Bryan said they did the play in Boston last summer as a try out. He said it's 120 pages and there are so many speeches he has to remember. He said he has huge blocks of dialog. He said the writers want you to say their words in the order they wrote them and they have to be kidding. Howard said it's a tough task.
Bryan said he was freaking out after the first week. He said that they had 120 pages and the first act they did 10 pages a day 6 days a week. He said he was drowning and he was really worried about it. He said he brought together the writer and the director and an intern so when he was purging his angst he was able to fire the intern.
Howard asked what they said to him to calm him down. Bryan said they told him what he needed to hear. He said they told him that he thinks his brain can't take it all in but it can. He said that you rest and fill it with more the next day and it comes out. Bryan said he did it and trusted the process. Howard said the brain is like a computer and you can draw it up. Bryan said the brain can take it in. He said that's as long as you have rest periods. Howard asked if he had the lines come to him when he thought he had forgotten. Bryan said they did.
Howard said that this doesn't pay like a movie, TV show or a commercial. Howard asked if he thinks this could become a movie. Bryan smiled and said he can't say anything. He said there is some hope for that.
Howard said that he finds it interesting that Bryan says that Walter White is a down trodden guy. He said that they did point out that teachers aren't paid very well in this country. He said that's a pretty serious issue. Bryan said they also bring up the health care system. Howard said they address a lot of issues. Howard said Bryan says he was doing an impression of his father when he was in that moody character. Bryan said his dad was an actor for many years and they had bad years and worse years. He said it was up and down. He said his dad is still around and he's 90 now. Howard asked if he thinks about hiding his success from his dad. Bryan said no. He said his dad is so proud. He said he's extremely proud. He said it's helped their relationship grow and change. Howard said Bryan didn't speak to his dad for many years. Bryan said that his dad had an affair with someone and that split up the family.
Howard said he read that his parents were married 7 times. Howard said that must have been maddening. Bryan said it was. He said they had other marriages but no children that they know of. Howard asked if they had hippy values or something. Bryan said they met in an acting class in 1948-49. He said back in those days you get married and you either say you're going to be a star or quit the business. He said that his mother quit the business. Howard said his dad had the ultimate betrayal though. He went out and fucked someone. Bryan said it almost doesn't matter. Howard asked if he was obsessed with who it was. Bryan said he was in denial. He said he told the other kids that his dad came home at night and they played. He said that he was in denial about it. He said back in those days a divorced family was rare. He said today it's common.
Howard asked how long his dad was gone. Bryan said it was about 10 years. That was from the age of 12 to 22 for him. He said he had a relationship with him as a boy and then something happened and off he went. Howard asked if he blamed his mom. Bryan said he became very introverted and insecure over the whole thing. He said that was the worst age for that to happen. He said that it was just done. He said his dad didn't send cards or letters or anything. Howard asked who got in touch with who. Bryan said he and his brother got in touch with him. He said that his dad is able to openly cry and apologize now. He said he used to be a tough guy but that's gone now.
Howard asked if he talked to his dad about what he did. Bryan said there is a rumor that he has a half sister but his dad says that's not true. Howard asked if he thinks he's lying. Bryan said he's not sure if his dad even knows. He said it did create anger issues for him. He said he had to go to therapy for that.
Howard said that you wonder how you forgive but also wonder how to let go of that anger. Howard said the person who lets it go may not be facing reality. Howard said he begged his parents to split. Bryan said Howard had his parents and he took that for granted. Howard said he absolutely did.
Howard asked if his mom had other guys coming in. Bryan said she was like Blanche Dubois and she always depended on others. Howard asked if his mom is still alive. Bryan said she passed around 8 years ago around the same time Howard started at Sirius. Howard said she had Alzheimers and she had sex in the old age home. Bryan said she had crazy sex. Howard said they say it's an epidemic these days because the old guys are going in and raping these women.
Bryan said he got a call from the old age home and they told him that they had proof that his mom and another patient have consummated their relationship. He asked what proof they had. Bryan said it was a guy named Albert who was her boyfriend there. He said he was an actor. He said they still have a bit of that acting thing going on so they still have to perform. He said they were fucking. Howard said he must be happy for his mom that she's having a good time getting laid. Bryan said it was great. He said at least he didn't have to do it anymore.
Bryan said the reason he got into acting was for pussy. He said he went to a junior college and he took an acting class. He said he was going to go to a university but he took that class. He said there was a lot of women in the class and not so many men. Howard asked if he was a womanizer. Bryan said it was the mid 70s so he was one of the only straight guys there. He said there were a lot of women and no guys. Howard asked how old he was when he went out on stage and started performing. Bryan said he did a play at the age of 5. Bryan said that you can become someone else and not be so shy. Howard said he's the same way with the radio show. He said that makes sense. Howard said Bryan lived it up in the 70s and he's married now.
Howard asked Bryan about what he thought of John Travolta's performance on the Oscars. Bryan said that kind of thing can happen. Howard asked what he thinks of that broadcast. Bryan said they do need to slice it up a bit. He said they'd need a scalpel to work on that. Howard said they need a Vince Gilligan to come in and fix it.
Howard asked if Vince Gilligan is working on a new project. Bryan said he is. He said they're working on a project for CBS. He said Vince is helping out with a pilot and then he's stepping away. Then he's working on ''Better Call Saul.'' Howard said that he must be jealous of the people who get to work with him on that show. Bryan said he is so concerned with every creative prospect of the show and he really does care. Bryan said that Vince is the man. He said that Vince was the horse he hooked his wagon to and he kept pulling and pulling.
Howard said that he must want to work with Vince again. He asked if he would ever ask him to do that. Bryan said he wouldn't do that. He said that he is friends with Vince and they would get together for dinner and things. He said that they could keep that up if they put the effort into it. Howard said he experienced that with Private Parts. He said it was painful to see everyone go their own ways after the shoot. Bryan said you have to put out the effort there to keep in touch. Howard said he loved Betty Thomas and he never hears from her now. Howard said it was the same thing with Ivan Reitman. Howard said you don't get to spend 25 years together. Howard said it must be like when his father left him. Bryan said he's got him thinking now. He said the good thing about it is that you have those memories. He said that there are people who work for 30 years and get a watch and you're out the door.
Howard said Bryan was in the third season of Breaking Bad and he went to Vince and asked to be a producer on the show. Howard said Vince king of fought him on that. Bryan said he doesn't know if he fought him on it. Howard said he did have to fight for it though. Bryan said he didn't have to fight. He said he wanted to present it to Vince that he would see the value of it. Howard said he was making good money at that point so was it for the money? Bryan said it wasn't. He said he wanted the recognition. He said he was the face of the show and he was doing the bull work of representing what the show was to the rest of the world. He said that he was the one traveling and showing the world what it was.
Howard said he had directed some episodes of the show too. Bryan said he did and he didn't have to fight for that either. Bryan said he didn't have to fight for the producer thing either. He said he just wanted to show there was a value to it. Bryan said he was looking out for the crowd.
Howard said when he was playing the part he had Chemo. He said to lose weight he didn't eat for 10 days. Bryan said that's not true. He said he just stopped eating carbs. He said he lost 16 pounds in 10 days. He said the first 3 days were very hard. He said you start burning fat when you don't have the sugar. Howard asked if he was asked to gain weight for the play. Bryan said he can't do that but he was asked to do it.
Howard asked Bryan if he had any slips in the show because Mr. Skin was there and said he did. Bryan said he was just told about that. Howard asked if he has done full frontal. Bryan said he hasn't but he thinks he would if it was right for the role. Howard asked if he's big. Bryan said he calls him little Godzilla.
Howard asked if he had two and three women at a time in the 70s. Bryan said he has done that. He said it was the 70s. That's the kind of thing that was going on. Howard said he's never had that. Bryan said it only happened once. He said he was at a party when it did. Howard asked what happened there. Bryan said he never knew it was going to happen. He said it was almost by accident. He said he was making out with a girl and they flopped on the bed and this girl came out of the bathroom. He said that he was embarrassed and this girl sat down next to them and put her hand on the other girl's leg. Bryan said that the girls weren't saying a word. He said they just did it like they were communicating telepathically.
Howard said that he had an experience where he went to a dorm room with a girl and the other girl was watching but not doing anything. He said he found it very odd. He said that it didn't turn out the way he expected it to. He said that the 70s were great. Bryan said they were. Bryan said it was pre-AIDS and every girl was on the pill. He said if you got the clap or crabs it was a badge of honor. He said he did get crabs once. Howard said he never had them but his friends have. Bryan said he went to a clinic to get his crabs taken care of. He said they were behind glass asking what his problem was and he had to tell them out in the waiting room. He said this wasn't from the three way though.
Howard asked if Bryan had just shaved off all the hair if he would have been done with the crabs. Bryan said yes. He said that there must be a tremendous decrease in crabs now that people are shaving more today.
Howard asked Bryan about getting married. Bryan said he was just starting his career and he was a coward. He said he did get married and he shouldn't have. He said that was his first wife and he was only 25. He said that's too young and he didn't know what was going on. Howard asked when he knew. Bryan said his brother knew on the day of the wedding that it was the wrong time. Bryan said his brother told him he didn't have to do it and he could walk away. Bryan said his brother knew.
Howard asked if he was better off when he got married the second time. Bryan said Robin is the best. He said that he knew she was the right one. He said they have one kid and she's fantastic. He said she's 21 years old.
Howard asked what else he does in his spare time. Bryan said he writes. He said he wrote something that he hopes to get done next year. Bryan said he plays drums too. Howard said he's putting together a band. Howard said he has two and a half songs down so far.
Howard asked where his anger is toward his dad. Bryan said his dad has told him to do certain scripts and things. Howard said he must have so much anger though. He said his dad was gone for 10 years of his life. Bryan said you have to let that go. He said that he went to therapy for that. Howard said he goes to therapy 3 or 4 days a week and he can't get rid of his anger. Howard said he's got no free time because he's there all the time. Howard said he is getting a little better. Bryan said Howard has a great wife and great kids though.
Howard said he read that he was being considered for Lex Luthor in the new Superman. Bryan said that it was true in the minds of fans but he was never contacted. He said he wasn't involved in any of that whatsoever. Howard said he would have nailed that. Robin asked if that would have been a 20. Bryan said it may have been.
Howard asked whose idea it was for him to shave his head in Breaking Bad. Howard said he could have grown it back for the show because he wasn't on Chemo all the time. Bryan said they did it on camera actually. He said they wanted to see the whole effect of it. Bryan said it was great actually. He said that if you have hair you know it's coming back. Howard said he knows he'd look horrible with no hair. He said he could never do that. Bryan said it does age you. He said it puts on at least 10 years. Bryan said he told his wife to just think she was with Yul Brynner. Bryan said they did that in a way that Anna Gunn would see it as it happened.
Howard asked if Bryan is still in touch with RJ Mitte, the guy who played his son. Bryan said he is. Howard said he must not want to retire yet. Bryan said he could because he's made so much money but he likes working and it's a great time for him. He said that their 25th wedding anniversary is in July so he's going to take some time off then. Howard asked how long that will last. Bryan said it'll be about a month and a half. He said the play will beat him up a bit. He said he's doing a movie called Trumbo later this year after the vacation. He said he plays Trumbo in the movie.
Bryan said Howard was thinking about taking a role in a movie last time he saw him. Howard said he turned it down. He said the script wasn't a 20 for him. He said the actors were though.
Howard asked Bryan when he killed the girl in the show if he really cried. Bryan said he did. He said that scene was very hard for him. He said that Krysten Ritter gave it her all in that scene too. Bryan said that he wanted to make it clear that Walter didn't kill her. He just didn't save her. Howard said he read that he hated the guy who played the guy who fucked his TV show wife. Bryan said his name is Christopher Cousins and now it's fine. He said that he was fucking around with his show wife and he'd greet him like ''morning fucker'' when he'd greet him in the morning. He said it was like a real resentment to him.
Howard said that he's like Daniel Day Lewis when he's acting. Bryan said he's really not like that. He said he did take it out on Chris and Chris would fight back. He said they'd butt heads a bit on the set.
Howard asked if his wife was jealous of his TV show wife. Bryan said she's an actor so she knows what it's like. Howard said he couldn't take it if his wife was acting and had to make out with another man. Howard said he'd be jealous. Bryan said that it's like your worst nightmare. He said there is a sliver of sexual titillation to that too. Howard said it could be exciting in a way. Bryan said that knowing guys would be attracted to your wife then it's kind of hot. Bryan said they should try it and see what happens. Howard said he couldn't take it.
Howard said he read that Bryan went to Vince Gilligan and said he wanted Walter to be a womanizer and sleep with a bunch of women. Vince didn't go for it though. Bryan said he did bring the idea to Vince but he didn't go for it. Bryan said what he thought it would be his ego getting big and he would start doing that and maybe try the drug too. Bryan said the sex scenes are so not sexy. Howard said he had a boner through the whole movie when he would do sex scenes. Howard said he had to power right through it. He said he was in a tub with a naked woman and he had a boner. He said he had to cover it up. He said he thought it was great though. Bryan said you can't follow that up with sex though. Howard said that acting is a single man's game.
Howard said Bryan was in New York during the Oscars but he must party with stars. Bryan said he has some celebrity friends but he's not a party guy. He said he is friends with Tom Hanks. He said they've been friendly for many years. Howard said Bryan must be excited about that. Howard said he likes going out with other people in radio. Howard said he went out and had a good time with a guy he competed against. He said that it was nice. Bryan said that celebrities to bond with others because they're in the same position. He said they don't want anything from each other and they can share.
Howard asked who are better friends, the friends from years ago or the newer celebrity friends. Bryan said the old friends. Bryan said there are some people who can't relate to you and you can't relate to. He said that there are some who can. Bryan said that people think he's changed and he has. He said you have to change. Howard said that he must like hanging out with Tom Hanks. Bryan said he does and he has hired him for a few things. He said he is the person you want to meet when you meet him.
Howard asked if Tom Hanks has his Oscars out when you go to his house. Bryan said that stuff belongs in a museum and he doesn't have it out. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Bryan said that's your personal life and you don't want to have that stuff out. He said he has a home office and he does have some stuff that he has done. He said Tom put him in From the Earth to the Moon and he has that in his office. He said it's nowhere else in the house.
Bryan said Howard knows he has to do a good show now. He said yesterday's show is behind him. He said if he doesn't stay in the moment then he loses it. Howard said he must have the prescription for the crab cream framed. Bryan said he remembers what it was called. It was called Kwell. Robin remembered that too but she was a nurse.
Howard said he can hear that Bryan has something going on with his voice this morning. Bryan said he does. Howard said he thinks it's from working so hard on this play. Bryan said that he rests his voice on Monday usually. He said he carries around a white board to write on.
Howard said that Bryan's play ''All the Way'' is opening this Thursday. Howard said you can get tickets at AllTheWayBroadway.com
Bryan told Howard he just had to shut down one day a week to rest his voice. He said he could tell this was going to be tough for him when they were doing the shows up in Boston. He said he had to do something and shutting down for that day is what helps. Howard said he must get insane over that because he has so much responsibility. Bryan said he's not that neurotic but he does start fist bumping instead of shaking hands. Howard said he had to leave the air the first day he was on the air. He said he was miserable and tense on that day. Robin said the same thing happened in Washington.
Howard asked if Bryan thinks that his success will go to his head. Bryan said that he doesn't think so. Howard said that they've been there for an hour and a half already. He said he has to end this. He said if he's there much longer he will become part of that couch.
Bryan said next time he's there he's going to have Howard bring his wife in and he's going to make out with her in an acting scene. Howard said no way to that. Howard said that's never going to happen.
Howard asked Bryan if he thinks Breaking Bad is the best TV show ever. Bryan said he's kind of partial to that show. Howard asked if he's saying that he's better than James Gandolfini. Bryan said he's not going there.
Howard said that Bryan got a letter from Anthony Hopkins and he was blown away by that. Bryan said he couldn't speak after reading it. He said he sent it to the rest of the cast and someone posted it online. He said he never intended for that to happen. He said he still has the letter. He said he got it as an email and he has not framed it. Howard said he could print it out and frame it. Bryan said it's inside and it's in his head so he keeps it there. Howard said he could call Sir Anthony and ask him to write it out. Bryan said he actually had breakfast with him and they stay in touch over email. He said they talk about acting and the scope of it. He said they want to work together. He said that maybe he can do something in the Trumbo movie. Howard said if he were Hopkins he'd be asking him about the threesome.
Howard said he's soaking it in with Bryan. Howard said he's going to go down in history. Bryan asked Howard if he would do a movie with him. Howard said he would if the part was right for him. Bryan said he must want to play a character. Howard said he wants to prove to him that he can do that. Bryan said he's making out with Howard's wife in the movie. Howard said no way to that. Howard said he has a fertile imagination and he's ready to act.
Howard said Bryan fantasized about killing an ex-girlfriend. Bryan said that she threatened to have him killed when he she was stalking him. Bryan said she told him that she knew people who could stab him for her. He said that it was shortly after his divorce from his first wife. He said they had a date after meeting at an audition. Bryan said he went to meet her at her apartment and he didn't leave there for days. He said they were eating, showering, fucking and repeating. He said that from that point on it was like they were together. Bryan said that it was like she was a praying mantis and he was the male praying mantis. He said it was crazy. Bryan said she was the type of woman who would not take no for an answer. Bryan said she got mad at him in a restaurant once and she was yelling and knocked dishes off the table. Bryan said he was 25 years old and it was the same trap that boys going into manhood do. He said he got sex and he had to deal with this relationship. He said it's not the proper order of things. He said years later he met Robin and he did things the right way. He said they dated and didn't have sex for 6 months.
Howard asked if he went to the police when this girl was stalking him. Bryan said she was threatening him and the one ace he had up his sleeve was that she adored her mother. He said that she was saying that he was a dead man and screaming into the phone. He said she'd just leave the pay phone hanging after that. He said one day he got home from work doing a soap and he picked up on her call. He said he was freaking out so he told her that she needs to stop or he'd let her mother listen to these tapes. He said she was coming over after that saying she wanted the tapes. Bryan said he was pacing in his house and she buzzes the building. He said someone let her in. Bryan said she was pounding on the door so he had an out of body experience. He said he stood up, unlocked the door, grabbed her by the air and dragged her into his apartment. He said he had one wall that was all brick. He said he smashed her head into the brick wall over and over until her brain matter was all over the all. He said he thought he had done it because it was so real to him. He said he called 911 and then he hears the police in the hallway. Bryan said the cops dragged her away and he heard her weep like he had never heard her before. He said that broke her. Bryan said he was cowering behind the front door. He said he never heard from her again after that.
Howard asked if she has become very famous. Bryan said she actually died. Robin asked if it was from his hand. Bryan said he can't say. He said she was sweet in nature if you got past all of the junk she was into. He said she was into all kinds of shit.
Howard said he must be great in bed if he had a woman going after him like that. Howard said he used to get messages asking him not to tell anyone what they had done. Howard said that's a studly story other than the cowering thing. Bryan said some women find cowering very studly.
Howard said it was great seeing Bryan. He gave him a plug for the play and asked if he's nervous. Bryan said he's not actually. Howard said he will come to see the play one night. Bryan asked him to please come see it. He said he was at Glass Menagerie play the same night Howard was there. Bryan said he went to say hello and Howard and Beth were in such a rush to get out they didn't even hear him. Bryan said it was a great show. Howard asked if his play is as good. Bryan said it really is. He said Howard will love it.
Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. Howard thanked him for spending so much time with them. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview with Bryan. He said that story was great he told about the psycho ex-girlfriend. Howard said he could talk to that guy for 10 hours. He said that at some point you have to say goodbye. He said there are certain guests you get an emotional attachment to. He said that he told Jason to post on the web Bryan's impression of JD that he did as they were wrapping up during the break. Howard said that's a three time Emmy winner doing an impression of him. He should revel in it. Howard said JD just says he doesn't care.
Gary said that Jason had an idea to get a picture for the web site. He said that he asked JD to do it but JD didn't seem so excited about it. He said he's immovable. JD said he's just not good at fawning or whatever. He said it is a fun impression. Howard said he could have bonded. JD said he's a great actor and he loves him and that he does the impression of him. He said he's just joking when he says it's just alright. JD said he can't help it if no one gets that he's joking. Howard played a JD song parody where he's saying ''Da Bad Ass'' a bunch of times.
The caller asked if he's going to make the birthday bash available to see. Howard said he's working on something behind the scenes. He said he thinks that people will be happy to see what he has in store.
Howard said this winter has been horrible. He said they were predicting 8 inches of snow the other day and they were wrong. He said that's the only reprieve they've had so far.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said it was a very good interview with Bryan. He also said he kissed JD's date at the birthday party. Robin asked how that relationship is going. Howard asked if she really wanted to get into that. Robin said she didn't know.
Robin said she heard a story about an 82 year old woman who crashed the birthday party. Robin said this woman showed up at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Robin said the woman brought her cane and she hoped that she'd get in. Robin said she saw the line outside and she saw a guy in a wheelchair who had a ticket. She asked to be his helper and he said okay and they let her in. Robin said no one asked her for a ticket or anything. She sat at Joan River's table and took pictures there. Howard said he'd like to applaud security for that great work they did.
Howard played another song parody about Robin called ''In Your Hole Again.'' Howard said that John Stamos was only supposed to fuck ticketed guests. He said that was some breach in security.
Robin started her news with a story about how Seth Rogen's testimony about Alzheimer's on Capitol Hill. Robin had some clips from the audio. Seth was talking about his girlfriend's mother having Alzheimers and how much that means to the family.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was irritated when Bryan kept asking about Beth. Howard said he was complimented actually. He said that Bryan wanted to know if he could make out with Beth and why be offended by that?
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jason Ellis was on the Tom Green Show and he said something about him dumping him and giving him a fuck you attitude. Howard said he wasn't aware that he dumped him. He said he comes on the show and he's a great guest. He said he's not sure what he's talking about. Howard said he hasn't had him on in a while. He said he likes Jason. Howard said someone put up a note saying that Jason thinks he's banned from the show. Howard said he's not banned. Gary said he's not. Howard said some people must like to have drama. He said he's not even sure if he ever said that.
Howard played another song parody about Robin by Eli Braden. Howard said it started out beautiful and then went to her titties and boobs.
Robin brought up the Oscars and she thought the most fun acceptance speech was Darlene Love's. Howard said he found that annoying. Robin had a clip where she started to sing. Howard said she was raping his ears. Robin said she also thought Jim Carrey proved that he's still funny at the Oscars. Robin had a clip of him doing his impression of Bruce Dern. Howard said he always likes when he talks through his ass cheeks. He said he should have done that impression like that.
Robin said Jimmy Kimmel had Rob Ford on his show last night. Howard said he heard he just picked up the phone and called. Howard said he agreed to come on no problem. Robin had some clips of Jimmy talking to Rob Ford.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for helping him save his life. He said that he had surgery in 2012 and Howard has helped keep him going.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the cosmetic surgery on the Oscars. He asked what the best and worst were. Howard said that Kim Novak was the worst. The caller thought that Goldie Hawn was the worst. Howard said he wants to know when these women are going to realize that plastic surgery is not good. Howard said Britney Spears did something to her face and she looks wild. Howard said she is a young girl who looks 50. He said it didn't make her look younger, it made her look bizarre. Howard said these women think they look good but everyone is talking about how bad they look behind their backs. The caller said that Kim Novak shouldn't have left the house. Howard said she could have aged gracefully. He said you're going to be old and you can't stop that. The caller said Britney Spears looks almost as bad as Kim Novak.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how good Kate Hudson looked. Howard said she's a great beauty. Robin said she thought she looked incredible. Howard said she's a very good looking woman. The caller asked about the FitBit thing she has on her wrist. He said he'll make that thing turn red. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Paula Deen's profile in People magazine. Robin said she made one questionable statement in the magazine. Robin said she compared herself to Michael Sam who came out as gay. Howard said it's a different kind of story. Howard said that he was born gay and he's not sorry about being gay or black. Howard said he's not sure how she can compare herself to that guy. Howard said she made a statement that she used the N-word and she got caught. Howard said she should just shut up.
Robin read a story about the NFL banning the use of the N-word during games.
Robin read a story about the Oscar Pistorius trial and what one witness is saying she heard on that day. Robin said she was a next door neighbor and she claims she heard blood curdling screams and Oscar claimed he didn't hear anything. Robin said the girlfriend's mother has been at the trial and she had some audio of her talking about how he never looked her way. Robin said the woman says that she can forgive him. Howard said he could never forgive a guy for killing his kid. Howard said he'd take him and turn him into a metal fence. He said he'd weld his legs to a fence. Howard asked if he lives in a bizarro world or something. He wondered how anyone can forgive for something like that. He said it's a ridiculous thing.
Robin read about what's going on in the Ukraine. Robin said Sarah Palin is saying she predicted this crisis way back in 2008. Howard said she's such a fucking maniac. Robin had some audio of Palin talking about that prediction. Howard said someone had to have coached her on that. Howard said there's no way she predicted anything. Robin read some more news about what's going on over in Ukraine. Robin said we'll have to see how that goes.
Robin read about the pizza guy who was on the Oscars with Ellen delivering pizza. Howard said they have ruined that guy. He said he's got a weird kind of fame. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about his experience there at the Oscars. Howard said it would be great if he got deported over that whole thing.
Robin read a story about Idina Menzel performing on Jimmy Fallon's show with all classroom instruments. Robin had a clip of that mess. Robin said that song is one irritating song. Howard said he can't stand the music on those shows. He said you have to sit through shit songs like that.
Robin read a story about a man who dressed as Barbie and then attacked a woman in a rest room. Robin said the guy was trying to get into the ladies room with the outfit. Robin said the man ran out after threatening a security guard with a screwdriver.
Robin read a story about how intense anger may be a trigger for heart attacks. Robin said that they say that the risk of heart attacks can come after severe anger. Robin said strokes are also a risk. Fred played a clip of Scott the Engineer yelling about his push up challenge and then a body falling to the floor.
Robin read a story about Bill Gates reclaiming his title as the world's richest person. His net worth is estimated to be $76 billion. Robin said that this is the 15th time he's topped the Forbes list. Robin said he gave away $28 billion.
Robin read about the most over priced cities. Honolulu was the highest one on the list. Robin said that New York City is also up there.
Robin read a story about the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Robin said there is a leak of who will make the show this year. Robin said Bruce Jenner may be on. Howard said that he will watch that. Howard said he wants to see him on the show. He said that would be so great if he came out with a male dance partner. Howard said they'd have the biggest ratings ever. Howard said he may have to start watching the show again.
Robin read a story about how young people may feel disconnected from religious groups because of their anti-gay beliefs. Howard said he feels disconnected because of that. Howard said of course the kids do. Howard said it's horse shit.
Robin read a story about people getting prescription drugs if they're addicted. Howard guessed they were getting them from pharmacies. Howard said maybe online or on the street. Robin said that it's both doctors and dealers. Robin said they say that a lot of people get it from their doctors. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard was about to end the show. JD came in and said that Bruce Jenner is not on the cast of Dancing with the Stars. JD said it's Candace Cameron-Bure, some Olympic gold medalists, Danica McKeller, Billy Dee Williams, Nene Leakes, Drew Carey and a few others. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of JD as he was reading the list. Howard said they used to get a couple of good people. Howard said now they don't have any. Robin said they do have the girl from Wonder Years and Drew Carey. Howard thanked JD for his good reporting. He let him go after goofing on him some more and then ended the show. They were done around 10:15am.
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Gary said JD has been with them a long time. JD said he started interning in 2002. Gary said he thinks that he might be emotional inside. He asked if he's ever really let it loose. He said he can't think of anything. JD said he can't think of anything. He said he holds it in. JD said whenever he won the fantasy football championship he did kind of go ''Holy shit! Holy shit!'' He said his dad was in the room with him.
Jon asked if he's had that kind of thing with the show at all. JD said he doesn't think he has. He said he doesn't let loose that much.
Steve Brandano asked if he freaked out when Ryan Phillippe asked him to hang out. JD said he was more scared than anything. He said he didn't know how to act socially. JD said he got to talk to Sophia Vergara that night he hung out. He said Zach Braff was there having a party too. He said that it was so loud in there he could hardly hear anything. He said he tried to tell her how much he liked the show she did on Univision. Gary asked if he speaks Spanish at all. JD said he does a little. Gary said he has to stop on those channels too. He said the girls are really hot on some of those channels. JD said this was before Modern Family too. He said Sophia had just been on some of these other shows he had seen.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up JD getting worked up over Jared when he was there. JD said maybe the last time he got upset was when he and Jason yelled at each other on the air. Gary said he was going for the positive stuff.
Jon asked JD about watching those comedy shows in Spanish and how he did that. JD said he didn't really laugh but he did try to figure it out. He said he doesn't go out much.
Jon said that JD has an Emmy winner doing impressions of him now. JD said he's not sure what to say about that. Jon said Howard really enjoys JD's reaction to that. He said that he has a special affection for him.
Gary said that Howard will ask JD what he was thinking when they're preparing for the show. He said they'll look at JD for his reaction and it's pretty funny.
Jon asked JD about finding the Dancing with the Stars information he gave to Howard. Gary missed it so he had to be told that Bruce Jenner won't be on Dancing with the Stars.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they can't fix JD because that's what makes him great. Gary said he doesn't think that they can change him. Gary said he has grown some and he's a little more outgoing than he used to be.
Benjy asked JD if his awkwardness relates to his happiness. He asked if he's less awkward when he's more comfortable. JD said he doesn't know what he means. He said he's not comfortable socially. He said that he can play Beer Pong or something and he's more comfortable. Benjy asked if he's happier than he was 10 years ago. JD said he doesn't know.
Jon asked JD if he needs to win to be happy when he's playing Beer Pong. JD said he does. He said that he likes playing too though. Gary asked if he drinks more when he's out. JD said he's not sure.
Gary asked JD if he went bowling with them when they went out to dinner. JD said he didn't. He said if he had known they were going bowling he would have gone. He thought they were going to a concert. Gary said he would have had fun bowling with him. JD said he's looking forward to the bowling with Scott thing.
Gary said that if he calls JD in his office he always thinks that he did something wrong. He said that's very funny. He said JD has a comfort level with them that he doesn't have with other people. He said JD can be one of the guys but then he's not the same if he's with a bunch of strangers. JD said he's not good in a big group. He said that's unless someone is talking to him. Gary said when they found JD he didn't drink and he didn't want to leave his apartment. He said it's 10 years later and now he's grown a bit. Jon congratulated him on that. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Bryan was also talking about how he doesn't talk on Mondays and uses a white board to communicate. JD said he's thought about doing that. He said it would be fun to try. Ronnie said he's a weirdo. JD told Ronnie to try it right now. Jon said that JD feels comfortable with Ronnie so he'll go off on him like that.
Gary asked if JD has ever gone a day without talking to someone. JD asked if texting counts. Gary said no. JD said he may have gone a weekend or two without talking to anyone. JD said he has had a bunch of stuff on his DVR and he uses that time to catch up.
Gary said JD got 4 DVDs the other day and he wondered if he wanted to own them or was he not able to get them from Netflix. JD said he wanted to own them and they had a special going. He said he got Fear and Loathing, The Game, Eating Raul and one other. Gary said he finds that interesting.
Jon said JD communicates better over text according to Howard. JD said he supposes that's true. JD said he can put his thoughts out there and see them. He said they sound better in his head so he can delete them if he doesn't like them.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Bryan not displaying his awards in his house. Gary said he has all of his in his office proudly on display. He said you can't tell it's his house until you go into his man cave or his office.
Jon asked Ronnie if he has any awards. Ronnie said he has some but they're stupid. He said he gets safe driving awards from his insurance company. Gary said he doesn't get anything like that. Ronnie said he'd like them to cut his premium down every year instead. Ronnie said that they want to post it in the newspaper and they ask for his local newspaper. Jon sounded blown away by that. Ronnie said it's a big framed thing with his name on it. He said that he gets them every year. He said he could plaster his wall with them. Gary said that they do that so they can raise your premium and make you feel okay about it.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knows any other drivers. Ronnie said he doesn't talk to any other drivers. Jon asked if he tried to start a union at all. Ronnie said that he was part of a group that went on strike for a couple of days. He said they worked things out. Ronnie said it was years ago. Many moons ago. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked what Ronnie thinks. Ronnie said he's never been into any of that stuff. He said he doesn't get that whole thing. He said he doesn't want anything shoved up his ass or anything like that. Ronnie said it was never his thing and it never will be. Gary said he's with Ronnie. He said he doesn't get that stuff either.
Jon said he's been there, done that. He said he was just kidding. Jon asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy said it sounds like fun. He said it's fun to play different characters. Gary asked if he's ever done it. Benjy said he has. He said you just want to be playful in bed. Benjy said he doesn't have that attraction to the extreme stuff. He said it does make it hotter when someone is though. Gary said on the surface it might be but then it's not that exciting when you get down to it.
Gary said he knew a guy who liked rubber and he wanted to bang a chick in a rubber suit. He said he doesn't get that. Benjy said there's a whole community based on that. Gary said he doesn't get the foot fetish thing either. He said it's just a foot. Benjy asked if he would get into it if his wife was into it. Gary said he would play the game but not have her shoving that thing in weird places.
Jon asked Lisa if she's into the dominatrix thing. Lisa said she's not. Ronnie asked what she is into. She said she's not into him. Ronnie said she's a weirdo. He said that's not what he was asking. Ronnie told Jon to just move on.
The guys messed around with Lisa a little bit but it was very awkward between Ronnie and Lisa. Lisa said Ronnie doesn't talk to her anymore. Jon asked what has changed. Lisa said she's not sure and she's tried to ask. Ronnie said there is nothing wrong. Lisa said there is something going on. She said something changed after Dudley died. Ronnie told her not to bring that up. Lisa said she was asking him how he was doing and he changed. Ronnie said things weren't going good. He said he had a rough time with that whole deal. Jon said he gets that. Ronnie said it's hard to forget about it. He said they were up in Toronto this weekend and everyone was bringing it up. He said it gets to you.
Ronnie said his whole house has changed. He said Stephanie totally flipped out. He said she works with animals every day. He said she totally lost it. He said he thought he was going to have to commit her. Ronnie said things are a little better right now but things are still rough in the house. Jon said that it can be tough and it can have ramifications on a relationship. Ronnie said that some people aren't that attached to their pets. He said he has friends who don't really care. Ronnie said he has had other dogs and never had that problem. He said this one was very special. He said it was like a person to him. He said he didn't live long enough. He said he was only 7 years old. Gary said he's all bummed out now. Jon said he knows how Gary will be when that day comes.
Jon asked Lisa what she had coming up in the news. Lisa ran down her list of stories they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about the Great American Nightmare song that Rob Zombie did at the birthday bash. Howard wondered about the lyrics. He said he knows ''yeah, mother fucker'' but the rest he's not sure about.
Howard said he was very busy yesterday. He said he didn't have a moment to breathe. He said he doesn't like days like that. He said he was hanging out with Sal and Richard after the show. He said he was making phony phone calls with them. He said he was in a silly mood. He said he wanted to call some people with them. He said they called adult stores as his parents. He said he was having his mom try sexual stuff out with his dad. He said she was doing it because she wants to be a good wife. Howard told Robin he was doing his mother's voice saying her husband has needs but she'd be celibate if it was up to her. Howard said most of the people just wanted him off the phone. He said he'd try to keep them on the phone. Howard said the people wouldn't help an old lady out. He said they do have jobs though so he can understand.
Robin said now Howard can understand Richard and Sal's plight. Howard said he loves trying to see how long he can keep someone on the phone. He said he told one woman that he was wearing a girdle and no one wears them anymore. He said he was doing both voices with his mom and dad. He said that the girl would say she had to leave and he'd forget who he was playing. Howard said the people you call are sitting there stunned.
Howard said he has some tape but it's kind of disjointed. He played a clip of one of his calls where he's talking to a guy and asking what he has there. Howard had his mother reacting to the guy when he told her about having dildos. Howard had his mom, Ray, asking what she would do with that. Then he had her asking Ben if he wanted her to put a penis in him. He had his dad saying he wasn't going to do that. The guy at the store gave her some other suggestions about vibrators and things like that. The guy said he had a customer so he had to get off the phone.
Howard said those guys don't get thrown by anything. Robin said they've heard it all. Howard said it was fun though. He said he called about 10 places. He said he had one good one but then you can't get permission to play it. Howard played another clip where he was asking a woman for something wild because that's what her husband wants. Howard had Ben and Ray talking about that but Ben couldn't hear Ray. The woman on the phone gave some suggestions but Howard kept interrupting with his mom explaining to Ben what was going on. Ray was asking if she had to be naked to do this stuff. Of course she did. The woman eventually said she had a customer and she had to get off the phone. Howard tried to keep her on the line but she had to go.
Howard said she hung up. Howard said he's wondering what sex shop has customers. Howard said they're like Radio Shack.
Howard read the article about Radio Shack where they say that they're looking to shut down 1300 of their stores. Howard said they lost like $400 million according to that article. Howard said he thinks he went in there and buy a jack or something. He said maybe he bought a cassette recorder that he could carry around. He said you'd buy something and then walk up to the cash register and they'd put you through the third degree. He said they won't just let you buy something. Gary said he still goes there to buy stuff and they ask you for your phone number, zip code and address. He said he just says no to all of that. Howard said he used to try that and they wouldn't let you buy anything if you don't give the information.
Howard said he used to talk about this on the air and he'd wonder why they need that information. He said the key is to get you in and out of there in 3 seconds. He said they shouldn't ask you that stuff. Howard said it has to be the worst run company ever. He said they ask you 10 minutes of questions for a 3 dollar item. He said they have you captured in there when you try to buy something. He said it's the worst.
Gary said it's for connectors and plugs. He said that's what he and Scott the Engineer were talking about. Gary said they sell computers and phones now. He said you can go to so many places and not a Radio Shack. He said he's not sure why anyone would go there for either one of those things. Howard said it's like a store that never found its identity. Gary said other than the plugs and connectors. Howard said it's such a badly run company.
Howard said they used to sell Sirius radios when they were first going to Sirius. Howard said you want to see small stores do well so it is kind of depressing. He said he doesn't want to see them go out of business but they're so poorly run.
Gary said there are a lot of companies like that like Hostess. Howard said it's sad. He said 50 years from now there may not even be an Apple. He said they could be fucked by some other company that brings something out. Howard said they talk about Blue Chip stocks but they don't have that anymore. Howard said that so many things can screw a company up.
Howard said he went to a Radio Shack and he found a nice guy to help. He said he got to the check out and there was a line about 25 people deep. Howard said he had to go meet Jim Meyer and he had a half hour to get there. Howard said he wasn't sure he was going to make it on time. Howard said he got in the line and waited and waited. Howard said they had 3 cashiers and they had no motivation. Howard said people were just standing there like drones to check out. Howard said people wanted to take pictures with him but he had to say no. He said he would have if he didn't have to get out of there. Howard said one employees said he was intimidated by him and he was trying to raise money for a project he was doing. Howard said he was talking to him while he was on line. Howard said he wanted to get out of there though.
Howard said the guy was a nice guy but he had to get out. Howard said one cashier started working really fast to get him in his line. Howard said if the owner of the store knew how this was going they'd fire everyone.
Howard said the cashier got him and asked who he looks like. Howard said he told the guy he had to get out of there. Howard said the guy kept saying he looked like someone. He said he told the guy he looks like Brad Pitt. He said the guy said that's not it. He said that the guy was having a conversation with him and not checking him out. He said he eventually slowly started doing it. Howard said he told the guy sometimes he hears George Clooney. He said the guy said that's not it either. Howard said then a cashier came over and said she loves him. The other cashier walked over to ask who he was. Howard said he was standing there waiting to check out. He said the cashier came back and knew he was Howard Stern. Howard said he confirmed it. Howard said he didn't want to upset anyone. He said this turned him off to shopping. He said he rang him up and he gave him the money and got out of there. Howard said this was a Radio Shack and that's their problem. He said it has to be about the customer. He said they didn't pay attention to their customers.
Gary said there are only certain people allowed near the cash register too. Howard said that's true. He said he went to a high end store and the guy must have just started. He said he was spending some dough and the guy had no idea how to use the cash register. Howard said he had to be kidding. He said he's a famous dude and he could slam the store. He said if they're training someone they should stand by him. He said that it's amazing how they run a company. He said this store is a very well known store too. He said they put his name in the paper quickly but he didn't have a good experience there. Howard said the guy had no idea how to use the register. He said they should teach him at night until he knows what he's doing. He said it's like putting someone on Broadway who doesn't know his lines.
Howard said the experience should be effortless. He said it's not. Howard said that's what Radio Shack is like. He said they have to shut down 1/5th of their stores. Gary said he's shocked they've lasted as long as they have. Howard said he is too. He said he'd be firing people and checking on their employees. Gary said he used to work in a store that they did that in. He said you knew that they were watching. He said they went out of business eventually though.
Gary said he tries not to get upset in line. He said he waits for someone else to do that. He said they can be the asshole instead. Gary said he doesn't want to be that guy because then you can never go back there.
Howard said it's just poorly run businesses. He said it's sad because it's America and you can get ahead if you run something right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he must be working in the wrong business. He said it seems like everyone at Radio Shack is a manager. Howard said he's sad about it. He said he doesn't like reading that in the paper. He said he even bitched about them on the air. Howard said Scott is in the back defending them.
Howard said it's no wonder Scott is defending them. Scott came in and said that in the 80s it was the best place to go. Howard said they haven't grown. Scott said they haven't. He said he wasn't defending them now. He said that it's great for wires and connectors. Fred said it's really not. He said they've turned it into a mini Best Buy but that doesn't work. Howard said he got the wrong information. He told Scott to open a store called Sad Shack. The caller asked if he can win tickets to his 70th birthday. Howard said they're going to start that now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the service is gone from stores. He said it's just gone. Howard said his daughters have worked in stores in retail and he's so proud of them when they do it. Howard said they'd come home and complain but he'd talk to them about how good it is when you're helpful and people are appreciative. Howard said that they're learning how to treat people properly. He said that their boss will be very appreciative. Howard said it's a lost art. Howard said that people can look down on that but it's not a shameful thing to do. Robin said that they don't always work like that. She said she's talking about the big box stores and how they don't include customer service in their job title. Howard said he thinks she's wrong. Robin said she's right.
Howard said they have a good staff there and they were doing such a great job at the birthday show. Howard said that they can do other things when they're called upon to do them. Howard said that when you work at a store and someone asks you where something is you think about how you want the store to succeed so you do what you can to help. He said you help that customer. Howard said when he was a dishwasher he did the best job he could. He said he took pride in doing that because his boss told him he was the best dishwasher he had. Howard said he'd help the other people out there in the kitchen because he wanted that place to be successful. Howard said you're a successful human being if you're a leader.
Robin said they used to say that the customer was always right but that has gone away. Howard said she's right about that. Robin said they have done studies about this and they say that you do get better business if you have good customer service.
Howard said Chelsea Handler is coming in today. Robin said she never got to say hello to her. Howard said Jillian Barberie is calling in today too. Howard said he has to talk to her about a few things.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who had a decent phone connection. Howard said he must have Verizon now. King said he does. Howard said he tried Spring and AT&T and they weren't as good as Verizon. Howard said it's a better service. Howard said that's why he went with them. He said there were places he couldn't make phone calls from with the other services. He said he was in Las Vegas and he wasn't able to make a call at a hotel lobby with AT&T. He said he made the switch to Verizon and it worked. King said he felt bad leaving his previous company. Howard said he didn't feel bad at all.
King said he has a running shoe for Howard. Howard said he's the fattest guy on the planet. King said he got them for the looks. Howard said anyone who is a real runner doesn't go for style. He said the only running shoe he wears is Asics. Howard said they're great. He said he can't switch from them. He said even if someone comes up with the most fly shoes he's not getting them. King said he got Adidas and he loves them. He said they're called the Springblade. Howard said they must be good for sitting on your ass all day. King laughed. Howard asked if he gets up set when they get dirty. King said he does. Howard said when he was a kid he would get them dirty fast so they'd look old. Howard said a lot of people want clean ones. He said he doesn't get that.
Howard said he used to get sneakers that were like a rip off of Converse sneakers. He said Converse is what everyone wanted.
Howard asked King if he wears his good sneakers to his job. King said he keeps them in the box in his closet. He said he won't wear them to work. Howard asked when he wears them. King said he'll put some cologne on and go out with his sneakers. Howard asked what cologne he wears. King said he has some good shit. He said it's like $300 a bottle. King said that you don't put that stuff on your clothes. He said you put it on your neck and one long line from your throat to your stomach.
Howard asked King if he would become white if he could snap his fingers and do that. King said he would stay black. King said he loves being black. Howard said that's what it seems like. King said when you're black and you go into a place where white people are, their eyes are all on you. He said he'll make a scene so everyone sees him.
King said that his father used to buy him a car every other year. He said his dad would tell him not to act like he liked the car. He said they'd walk in and he'd say ''I love this shit!'' He said his dad would look at him like he was out of his mind. He said now he knows what to do but back then he was like 16 years old and he'd just act like that.
King asked Howard if he got Beth pregnant would he kill it or keep it. Howard said he'd keep it. He said Beth isn't going to go along with that. King said his therapy is working. King also said in 10 years Howard is going to be 70. Howard thanked him for doing the math for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get to listen to the interviews at home. He said he listens going to work. He said the Bryan Cranston interview was great and maybe his best. Howard said Bryan is great and he's so forthcoming. He said he's a great guy. The caller said that he loves when Bryan gets into character and then during the breaks he can step out of it. He said Howard was trying to think of that guy Christian Bale when he was talking about them staying in character.
Howard took a call from a guy who was in San Francisco so he asked what the temperature was. The guy said it's like 57 out there. He said he feels bad for them on the East coast. Howard said that his daughter loves out there and it's not the coldest but it's not the warmest place either. He said they keep a nice temperature out there for her. Howard had to go to break after that.
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Howard asked Jillian how long she was there. She said she was there for 20 years. Howard asked what's up with her voice. Jillian said it's 4 in the morning. She said she's doing talk radio and it's very hard on her voice too. Howard said you have to give a lot of content when you do radio. She said that she was at FOX for 20 years at Good Day L.A. and that was all visual. She said they don't give the shit about the weather. She said it's all about what you're wearing. She said you have banter back and forth but it's only a few minutes. She said she's doing radio now and this is her third week and she's exhausted.
Howard said you have to pace yourself. Howard said he went out to dinner with his boss last night and he had to leave and go to bed. He said that's what you have to do. Jillian said she did that TV show for 20 years and it was like a religion thing. She said she can't stay up late at all anymore. She said she's used to going to bed early.
Howard said he knew that Jillian's husband was going to leave her. Howard said he told her this years ago. Jillian said she was on the show 5 years ago and she was pregnant. She said that her husband's show had just come out and Howard warned her that wasn't good. Howard said he saw that show and knew her marriage wasn't going to last. Howard said it was mean of him to say that but he played a clip of him telling her that there would be resentment there. In the clip Jillian told Howard that they were going through therapy. Howard told her that it will end in divorce. Howard said he knows the guy and he knows they're not in love anymore.
Howard said he knew it the second he saw that. Jillian said she knew that was coming when she announced her divorce. Jillian said David Arquette was right when he said it's the ultimate life changer. She said she's devastated. Howard said she has work, kids and no husband. Jillian said she's the sole provider so she needs a nanny. She said that she's had the kids for a year all alone. She said they just started doing weekends with him. Jillian said that she's paying for everything with the kids and she always has. She said they're in a situation where they're good friends and it's amicable. She said she's always been the sole provider for the family. She said he is working but she's not asking for anything.
Howard said Jillian is some catch. She said next time she's going to be the girl and not do this. Robin asked if he's going to give some money eventually. Jillian said once he gets on his feet he probably will. She said marriage is very hard and when you add kids it's even harder.
Howard asked when the sex stopped. She said they've been separated for a year but the sex was happening up until the end. It wasn't as frequent as it used to be. Howard said that happens with everyone. Jillian said that it must still be great with Howard and Beth. Howard said it's still good. Jillian said she knows that Howard is letting her be happy and supporting her. She said that's what people want. She said it can be too much and it's too exhausting at the end of the day.
Howard asked how long it's been since she had sex. Jillian said it's been a year. Howard asked how that is. Jillian said she doesn't worry about that stuff. She said that when the Good Day L.A. thing went down her marriage was failing too so she was melting down. She said she wondered how she was going to pay for that house.
Howard asked when she knew that she was going to be fired. Jillian said they had a boss for 18 years and he'd let them do whatever they wanted. They were number 1 for 12 years so he didn't care what they did. She said then they started the layoffs. She said they cut people from the show and they had things going wrong like the time was always wrong on the screen. She said they had a new guy come in and she had a weather area that she had for herself. She said that she had a picture of Howard there. She said the next Monday all of her stuff was taken down. She said she knew that was the beginning of the end. Howard asked if she asked why they did that. Jillian said this guy came in and dismantled the show. She said the ratings were down and people were tuning into their iPads and phones for their information. She said that she doesn't tune into Howard for the news or the guests. She said she tunes in for the relationships they have.
Howard said they fired Dorothy Lucy and Jillian hated her. Jillian said she did not. She said she was an asshole for what she said about Dorothy and she realizes that. She said that management wanted them to play nice and that's what they had to do. She said they could have fought but management didn't want that.
Howard asked if the show has gone up in the ratings. Jillian said it has not. She said it tanked. She said what they did was bring her into a meeting with H.R. there. She said she had never seen H.R.. Jillian said that they told her to go out into the field and do her own thing. She said she didn't want to do that. She asked who she was going to be throwing back to in the studio. She said they couldn't tell her that. Jillian said it was the hardest decision but she had to leave. She said that was her bread making and her family. Howard said Jillian looks great so he doesn't think that it's a looks thing. Howard said Steve is still there. He said he's 70 but he's a dude. He said that doesn't matter to them. He said they like to keep a fresh face there when it comes to a woman.
Jillian said she was in the best shape she was in and she was looking fine. Howard asked if she's been asked out in the past year. Jillian said she went out with a guy but she didn't have sex. She said she made out. She said that she just went to dinner. Howard asked how many kids she has. Jillian said she has two. Howard asked how many guys want to take that on. Jillian said she's paying for them. She said this guy had kids too. She said that she's a good catch.
Howard asked if she was making like 2 million a year. She said the best year she ever had was 1.5. Howard asked what they were paid on that morning show. Jillian said that she was doing well with that. She said that they ended up firing the guy who came in and made all of those changes. Howard said that always happens. He said they fire you and then they get fired or leave. Howard said the guy who fired Jillian is out now and god knows where he is. Jillian said she has no idea.
Howard asked if she has enough money that she doesn't have to work. Jillian said no. She said she has to work. She said she's working at KABC 790AM out in Los Angeles. Howard said he's thinking she's not making more than $150,000 a year. She said she's very happy with what she's making there. Jillian said she has filled in with the guy before and they have fun together doing the show. Howard asked if she's making half a mill a year. She said no. She said she's happy that she can feed the kids and put them in school. Howard said he's wondering what she's making.
Howard asked Jillian if she had a good time at the birthday show. Jillian said it was the best. She said that she was having the worst year of her life and then she got the call to do the red carpet. Howard said he thought she'd be great at that. He said they had her on the red carpet interviewing people. Jillian said she had a great time talking to people and there was so much love in the house for Howard and everyone. She said that she used to mention Howard on Good Day every day because she loved the interviews and what he'd bring out in people.
Howard asked Jillian what she's wearing. Howard said he stopped following her because she stopped posting pictures. Howard said she used to post outfits and then she started tweeting thoughts. Howard said he wants to see outfits. She said she was in sweats and a tank top. Howard let out a sigh. Howard said she looked really good at the birthday show. Howard said he's not sure how Tan Mom ended up there. Jillian said that Sal was carrying her stuff for her. She said that she was talking to Sal and then she ended up on the carpet and she could see her panties and see through them. Jillian said she was getting ready to interview Bill Lawrence and his wife Christa Miller. She said all you see is Tan Mom on the ground and celebrities disbursing. She said they didn't want to be anywhere near her. Jillian said they had celebrities lined up and then they were gone.
Howard said Jillian said now promoting the fact that she's on Midday L.A. with John Phillips. Jillian said there is no competition in radio now. She said now everyone says that they love Howard. Howard said you can listen at KABC.com
Howard asked Jillian if she uses her hand on herself. She said she does. Howard said Robin does that a lot. Howard said she uses her foot. Robin said that she doesn't do that. Howard said she sits on her foot and rocks. Robin said that never happened. Howard let Jillian go after she told them how much she loves them. Howard said Jillian is a survivor. She found a job.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that Jillian really does look good. Mike asked if they're going to see any of this birthday show online or anything. Howard said there will be some stuff soon that he can show but he can't say anything more about it yet. Mike said Robin's speech at the birthday party was great. He said that Robin gave him a big hug and he wanted to snuggle up with those big mammaries. Howard thanked him for the call and said he never did tell Robin how great that speech was.
Howard said they were talking about how Benjy is going to be in Sharknado 2. He said the first movie was so ridiculous. He said sharks get caught up in a tornado and they end up on land and eating people. Howard said they have Ian Ziering and Tara Reid in the movie and Ian ends up chain sawing his way out of the shark. Howard said if he pitched that movie they'd laugh at him. He said that he hasn't seen the movie but he loves talking about it. He said it's the greatest thing ever.
Howard said they wanted him in the movie but they got Benjy instead. Benjy said he's shooting today. Howard said Benjy is going to be eaten by a shark. Howard said this takes place in Manhattan and there are more people there. Howard said the sharks are going to be eating Wall Street guys. Benjy said they told him he'll be playing a homeless man. He said he thought he was going to be a business man. He said that the streets are going to be flooding and that's how they get to the streets. He said he's not sure if it's the same storm that comes to New York.
Howard asked if he got any acting pointers from Bryan Cranston yesterday. Benjy said he watched a Michael Caine thing where he gave tips on acting. Howard said he listened to a tape he put out about where to do movies and how to do them. He said that Michael Caine picks movies based on the time of year and where they're shooting.
Benjy said he heard tips about where to look and you look into one eye. Howard said he remembers hearing that too. He said that was too confusing for him.
Benjy said they told him to meet at the honey wagon on the set. He didn't know what it meant. Robin said she looked it up and they say that it's a mobile toilet or a wagon full of excrement. Howard said Benjy could play the shark shit or something. He said you see half Benjy and half shit. Robin asked why he would be assigned to show up there. Howard said maybe he doesn't have lines. Benjy said he has lines. He said they didn't send them to him though. He said he thinks it'll be improved a bit. Howard had Benjy break into a screaming character. Benjy did that and it was pretty scary.
Howard said Benjy is wearing sunglasses today. He said this may have gone to his head. Robin said that they also say that a honey wagon can be a dressing room. Howard said he has more respect for Benjy now that he's in this. He said that he looks better.
Benjy said he's wondering if he should shave for this. Howard said he would go to the set and they had a guy who would shave him. He said they had a guy who had huge slashes all over his face from shaving. Howard said he thought they were goofing on him. Howard said he started shaving himself when he saw that guy. Howard said the guy looked like he was Edward Scissorhands on his face. Benjy said a straight razor shave feels really good but it's scary. Howard said he didn't want that guy to do it so he didn't get it done.
Howard said maybe Benjy will end up being eaten in a bunch of movies. He said he could get eaten by Godzilla and sharks. Benjy said he would love that.
Howard said a lot of mail came in about Robin examining her own labia. He said people love that about her. Howard said they love the idea of her looking in a mirror. Robin said she took a course in college where they told her to do that. Howard said they had a book out where they talked about doing that stuff. He said it was some feminist book. Howard said all of the guys were saying that their wives and girlfriends had nice labia. Howard said no one is going to admit that they don't. Howard said that there has to be women out there who have bad labia. Robin was going to say something but she cut herself off. She was going to say she's seen bad labia. Howard said some people are in no condition to hear her talk. Howard said it was best she didn't say anything.
Howard said Jennifer Lawrence announced that she went to a party with no panties on. Howard said that means that she was ready for action to the guys who heard it. Howard said that may not mean the same thing to Jennifer.
Howard said there's a web site where they Travoltaize your name. He said he did it and he's like Hwood Strone. Howard said it takes your name and kind of does what Travolta did to that name. Robin said she heard that they have all kinds of sites set up with the name Travolta said.
Howard said that the North Shore Animal League had a couple of dogs come in. He said they have 3 dogs and they can't separate them. Howard said they're not in the same cage at the north shore and they cry for each other. Howard said they are looking for a home that can take in 3 dogs. Howard said they're older dogs and they are really affectionate. Howard said one of them is 14. He said it just sucks. He read about what the dogs do and how old they are. Howard said they're three great dogs. Howard said they have a link up on HowardStern.com for more information. He said they must go home together. He said you have to adopt all 3. Howard said maybe someone listening wants to get involved. Howard said he's involved all day long. Howard said he didn't want to spend all day on that. He said he knows people are tuning in for fun. He said he will get back to the fun soon. Howard said they've adopted out 52 kittens so far. He said they would have been dead. Howard said he doesn't want his balls busted over this. Howard said he hates to break but he has to.
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Howard came back and Robin was in the middle of a laugh. Howard asked what was going on there. Robin said she was talking about some exercise tapes she's doing. She said these people can do so many things and she was wondering if they're super heroes. Howard said they're super into it and that's their whole life. Howard said Robin is a beginner. Howard said it'll take her forever to catch up.
Robin asked if he can keep up with something like that. Howard said he can't keep up with that. Robin said you need a choreographer or something. Robin said she just marches in place and watches people doing it. Howard said Robin should give herself permission to be bad at it.
Howard said that Chelsea Handler is there to promote her book ''Uganda Be Kidding Me''. He said that she looks like she lost some weight or did something. Chelsea said that she may have lost some weight. Howard said he thinks she did something to her face. Chelsea said she hasn't. She said she has no down time. Howard said he follows her and he's surprised that she was at Madonna's Oscar party. He said she showed up there. Howard said he thought she was too cool for that. Howard said she is into it though. Chelsea said that she went with Mary McCormack and Sandra Bullock. She said that she's very likeable. Howard said he met her once. He said he went out of his way to be sensitive toward her. He said that he had to go overboard. He said he has to cry and emote so women won't be scared of him. Chelsea said she has to do that too.
Chelsea said that Mary and Michael don't talk about their kids. She said she respects that a lot. Howard said he asks people about their kids and he regrets it. He said they start talking about them and he really doesn't care. Chelsea said that it can be too much and you have to ask them to stop.
Chelsea said that she was at this Oscar party and they left at 5:30 in the morning. She said she had to work the next day at 2pm. Howard asked if she gets neurotic about it. Chelsea said she does but then someone asks who cares and she stays. Howard said he can't do that. Chelsea said she was a mess the next morning. She said she was doing press all day yesterday too. She said she likes to have a good time and that keeps her brain even.
Howard asked Chelsea if she ever says to herself at 5 in the morning ''What the fuck am I doing?'' Chelsea laughed. Chelsea said that she is really busy with the book promotion and you try to behave. She said you have to stay sane and have a life so that's why she does that. She said drinking keeps her kind of sane. She said she's cut back on how much she drinks but not at that party. She said he had vodka and it was just straight vodka. Howard asked if she ever worries about weight when she's drinking. Chelsea said she does. She said she's not super psyched about her body. She said she just has to cover up.
Howard asked how many vodkas she had at the Madonna party. She said she doesn't know. She said she went to Jane Fonda's house once and she had a Quaalude. She said that she had no idea where it came from but she got 2. She said they're the new ones, not the old ones. Howard said he got addicted to them and they were 25 cents a piece. He said they were addictive but they were great. Chelsea said she was with a friend and she asked if she wanted one. Chelsea said the friend didn't want one so she took both. She said that was a disaster. She said that she knows how to handle herself but she wasn't able to move. She said she couldn't stand up. She said she was holding on to the wall to get to the bar. She said she probably could have been raped twice and she wouldn't have known.
Howard asked if she wanted to get to know Jane Fonda and asked why she took those pills. Chelsea said she just goes with it. She said Jane didn't care that she did it. She said she just saw her last night and she was in the audience at an interview she did with Ronan Farrow.
Howard asked Chelsea if she worries about what people think of her. She said she's almost 40 and she doesn't care anymore. Howard said Chelsea says a lot of stuff on the air that could offend people. She said she doesn't worry about that either. She said that Alex Rodriguez will come up to her and she'll just tell him to go away. Chelsea said that she thinks he's gross and he asks her why she doesn't like him. She said he has a centaur of himself in his bedroom and that's just gross. She said she's not into that kind of guy. She said he's a buffoon. She said his assistant emailed her assistant asking to get them together but she passed on it. She said that she really doesn't ever want to see him. Howard said that's shocking that she will do that. He said she must be dangerous to be around. Chelsea said she's not being funny when she does that either. She said she's really grossed out by the guy.
Howard said it's very sassy to do that. Howard said that Alex must think she wants it from him but she really doesn't.
Howard asked who she would like to go out with. Chelsea said she's kind of single right now but she has a couple of things going on. She said she'd rather not date famous people. Howard said there must be some young hot guys that she's into. Chelsea said she has to think of a guy. She said Michael Fassbender is fun. She said that he's kind of a mess though. Howard said he isn't sure who that is. Robin said he was in the reboot of X-Men.
Howard asked if she saw some dance off that Madonna had with Britney Spears. Chelsea said that she really doesn't care about Madonna. She said that she looks great though. She said that she has been naked next to her and she saw how great she looked. Howard said that she got naked next to Conan too. She claims that he has slapped her with his penis. Howard said that's a major story. Chelsea said he doesn't do that. Howard said he'd like to dick slap her but he doesn't have enough. Chelsea said that she told Conan to do it to her that day. She said he's packing down there too. She said that they did a bit on her show and he didn't take his penis out and slap her with it. She said that it was just a bit they did.
Howard asked if she spoke to Madonna at all. She said she has never met her. She said she saw her but she didn't talk to her at the party. Chelsea said it's her party but she didn't come over and say hello. She said she's not that interested in Madonna.
Chelsea said she danced at the party. She said she hung out with a lot of people there and danced. Howard said he doesn't picture her as a dancer. She said she's not but she did dance. Howard asked if people came up to her and asked her to dance. She said it's not that kind of dance. She said you just dance in a big group. She said you're all hammered and you're just sloppy. Howard asked if he asked her to dance what would she do. She laughed. She said it's not that kind of party.
Howard said it sounds like all of the cool kids getting together. Howard said he wouldn't be one of the cool kids. Chelsea said he is one of the cool kids though. She said she's been to his party and it was great. Howard said he worries about her being too cool for that. Chelsea said she was with Mary and Michael and it was great. She said she goes everywhere with them.
Howard said Chelsea's book ''Uganda Be Kidding Me'' is out now. Chelsea said that she made it a travel book and she wrote it herself. She said she went to Africa in the book. Howard said that she had a black tour guide. She said she had one black and one white. Howard asked who she asked to sleep with her. Chelsea said she went to Africa to find out where rappers come from. She said she had a tour guide named Rex and he rejected her.
Howard asked Chelsea about what went wrong there. Chelsea said she doesn't know how to be a girl. She said that she can't do that thing. Chelsea said she has to travel the world to get penetrated. She said she meets guys in other countries and she likes Spanish men.
Howard said he has tape of 50 Cent talking about sleeping with her. That was from his show the last time he was on. 50 Cent told Howard to tell her he calls her gator and she'll know what he's talking about. 50 said she's cool. Howard asked if he was in love. 50 said he's not saying.
Howard asked what this gator thing is. Chelsea said that she thrashes around a lot. She said that must be what he's talking about. Howard asked what that means. Chelsea said she likes to have sex so she thrashes. She said she has to get the most out of it.
Howard asked how many times he has to fuck her with a condom before he can take it off. She said it's not that many times. Howard said he's not sure why he's so afraid. Chelsea said he's a hypochondriac. Howard said he must be. Chelsea said she's not sure how he sleeps. Howard said sometimes he can't. He said that his mother told him to just lay down and if he sleeps he sleeps if he doesn't he doesn't.
Howard said Chelsea went to Africa and said to the tour guide she wanted to have sex and the guy said no. Howard said that frustrated her. Howard said you'd think guys would want that but this guy didn't. Chelsea said he had a girlfriend and she didn't take that seriously. She said that's why he rejected her. She said that she was wasted that night and she just told him to come to her room. She said the next day her friend was telling her how disgusting that was of her to do that. She said her friend told her that the guide told her that he had a girlfriend. She said now he's in the book.
Howard said maybe she hates men. Chelsea said she doesn't hate men. She said her father is a loser and a disappointment but she doesn't hate men. She said that he sexually harasses women at the home he lives in. She said they had to put him in an all male home and he harasses the gay men there. She said that he calls them the F-word. She said they had to find an all white male home for him. Howard asked if he was like that when he was young. She said he doesn't even have Alzheimer's. She said that her brothers and sisters deal with him most of the time now because she can't take it.
Chelsea said she loves men. Howard said this anger toward her father has to come out toward men. She said that it really doesn't. She said she doesn't treat men badly. Howard said that thing with her dad is pretty intense. Howard asked if she said she wished she could put him to sleep like a dog. She said euthanize him, yes. She said he's 82 or 83. Howard said they put him in the home and he harasses people there. Chelsea said that he likes black girls and that's it. She said that she talks about him in her book. She said that she has to pay them to not file charges against him. Howard said it sounds like he hates her. Chelsea said it does. She said he's a real narcissist. She said that he only thinks about himself.
Howard asked if she has ever had to clean him up after shitting himself. Chelsea said she would never do that. She said that's why she won't have kids. She said she rarely even sees him. She said he's in New Jersey and she only spends a day or two there. She said she goes on to the next city and doesn't go visit him. She said that he had a used car dealer and the lot was their driveway. She said there were more cars coming in than going out too.
Howard said he read that she did a genealogy show and they found that one of her relatives was a Nazi. Chelsea said that she went to Berlin for this show and they woke up one morning and went to a concentration camp. She said she didn't think she wanted to do that. She said her cousin said that no one was in the mood to go to one. She said that she wanted to get out of it because she was hung over and that's not cool. She said that her grandpa was the Nazi in the family.
Howard said Chelsea has said that she would never have Paris Hilton on her show. She said she's too fucking stupid. She said that anyone who shows off her vagina that much and has the perfume and all of that is just too much. She said she's seen her at stuff and she once came up to her and introduced herself. Chelsea said she just laughed at her. Chelsea said she just walked away. She said she can't talk to people like that. She said she doesn't do that because she thinks she's better than her or anything. She said it's just embarrassing that they do these reality shows. Howard asked if that's their fault or our fault for watching. Chelsea said it's both.
Howard said Gwyneth Paltrow was on her show and she said something about being addicted to sex. Howard said he thinks that she told her that off the air and Chelsea went on the air with that. Howard said Chelsea went on the air and told the story about how she thinks blow jobs are an important part of a relationship. Howard asked if she was upset with her. Chelsea said she wasn't. She said that Gwyneth is great with that. She said that she did refer to something with her being a sex addict since she met her. She said that she's not mad at her.
Howard asked if Chelsea has friends who aren't celebrities. Chelsea said that she has a lot of friends from when she was young. She said she likes a lot of people who come on her show.
Howard said he saw that she tweeted out something about Angelina Jolie adopting the woman from 12 Years a Slave and that got a lot of flack. Howard said that people were upset with her saying that she's a racist. Howard said he's not sure why people are upset. Chelsea said it was clearly a joke and it's not racist. She said she's a comedian and if you don't like her then don't follow her. She said she doesn't care.
Howard asked if she blocks people on Twitter. She said she has assistants who show her how to do that stuff. She said she has no idea what the difference is between WiFi and 4G is. She said the more successful she becomes the less she's able to do anything herself. She said she used to be able to hook up a TiVo but she can't do that anymore.
Chelsea said she hates her iPhone. She said that she can't even use the thumbprint thing because she has people who have to get into her phone. Howard said she must feel like an infant when it comes to that. She said she does. She said that she has to have people label her food for her.
Howard asked Chelsea if she wishes she had a simpler life. She said she really does. She said she went to visit a friend and she wants to have a small apartment like she has. She said she wants to go back to being simple.
Howard asked if she hates Angelina Jolie. She said she doesn't care about her. Howard said he knows she's friends with Jennifer Aniston. Chelsea said that she doesn't say anything about Angelina when she's around her. She said they've never spoken about her. Howard asked if she's seen Justin Theroux naked. She said she may have said that as a joke but she hasn't seen him naked.
Howard said that he imagines her getting dick slapped in bed by a guy. Howard asked what the worst thing a guy has done to her in bed. Chelsea said that guys will talk dirty or say ''what'' when you say something sexy. She said that turns her off. She said that you should not ask ''what'' in bed. Howard asked if she tells them to ''fuck my pussy'' in bed. She said she will but if a guy says what then it's a wrap.
Howard said Bill Carter does reports on late night TV and he did an article about Jimmy Fallon joining late night. Howard said Chelsea was the only one in parentheses. Howard said that she wasn't sure why she was the only one like that. Howard said she is a factor in late night TV. Chelsea said this has happened in a few articles and it's annoying. She said she has a staff of 150 people and if you're ignoring her then you're ignoring all of them. She said that they're on at 11 and it's not something to be ignored.
Howard asked Chelsea if she thinks she should be on a bigger network. She said she should be. She said the E! network is a failure and they don't know what they're doing over there. She said they think she's difficult but she shows up and does her job. Chelsea said there is no support system there. She said they don't help with marketing or anything like that. She said that they're just worried about the other networks at Comcast/NBC and they don't care about E!.
Howard asked if she's got the biggest show there. She said the Kardashians are the biggest. She said she has had them on her show. She said that Kim and Paris are pretty much the same kind of person. Howard said he saw Chelsea at a party and she was showing off her legs. She said she never does that. She said that she likes showing off her tits because they're real. Howard said he can't believe they're real. Howard said she's a good looking girl and she has great tits. Howard said they look so nice you just assume they're fake. She said they can be unmanageable. She said they get big sometimes. She said that Mary told her that she should get a reduction. Chelsea said she went in the pool and she got out without a top on and Mary told her how great they were. She said she sleeps in a bra a lot to keep them perky. She said Mary and Michael showed up when she was in the pool.
Howard asked how she stays unemotional about the guys she fucks. She said they're in far away places. She said she stays in touch.
Chelsea asked what Howard did for Beth for Valentine's day. Howard said he thinks he told her this off the air. Howard said she likes to go online shopping. Howard said he saw her looking at a web site she likes and you fight with other women to get something. Howard said he put money in an account for her on this web site and she gets first dibs on this stuff when it comes up. He said he had to put a considerable amount of money in that account to make that happen. He said they notify her when they have new stuff so she knows first.
Howard asked why Chelsea broke up with that Andre guy. She said that was a long time ago. She said she loved him but they can't make it work. Howard asked if she thinks she'll ever get married. Chelsea said she may when she's like 50 or more. She said that it's been too hard so far. She said that she has to have a guy who can hold her over until then. She said it's not that important to her. She said she has a lot of friends she likes to hang out with.
Howard asked who is in that group of friends. Mary McCormack and Whitney Cummings were in there. Chelsea said there are a lot of them. She said there are a lot that Howard wouldn't know.
Howard asked about this guy she's fucking in Belize. Howard asked if he asks her about not having feelings for him. She said that it doesn't come up.
Howard said he loves that she admits that she thinks the E! network are losers. Howard asked if she thinks she could wipe the floor with the guys if she was on a network. Chelsea said it's not like that. She said the E! people tell her that they're behind her and they'll support her. She said that they obviously aren't going to get better. Howard said he loves that she can say that. He said he can't do that. Howard said he's worried about hurting people's feelings. Chelsea said they say she's difficult to work with but she's not. She said she's a bitch but she's not difficult.
Howard said that she might be a narcissist. Howard said that she looks at it from her point of view and not theirs. She said she really doesn't. She said she looks at it from both. Chelsea said she has to do things for them to help out and she's not sure why. Howard said that he has spoken to people in her position and they hold it in.
Howard asked when her contract is up. She said it's up this year and she's sure after this interview they will be fine with letting her go.
Howard said Chelsea does a show that's different than a regular talk show. Howard said he likes that because it's refreshing. Howard said a network would like that. Howard said that they have a woman's point of view too. Chelsea said she wants to be challenged more and do something different. She said she'd like it to be between what she does and what Bill Maher does. She said it can get brain numbing after a while.
Chelsea said that she'd like to do a Netflix kind of thing with her show. She said she likes the idea of people being able to watch when they want to. Howard asked what kind of money she could get doing that. She said she's not sure.
Howard said that Chelsea is looking a little Robin Wright Penn like with the short hair. Chelsea said she loves her. She said that she loves House of Cards too. Howard said he hasn't seen that show yet. Howard said he can't figure out that whole Netflix thing.
Howard said he didn't know that she had Irving Azoff as a manager. She said that she does. Howard said that he's usually a music manager. She said he is. She said that she walked into Irving's house and they were plying a new album and she asked ''what the fuck is this shit?'' She said it was a new album that she didn't like. She said Irving loves that stuff but his other clients may not.
Howard asked Chelsea about hanging out with Oprah. He asked what she does with her. Chelsea sad she did an interview with her in her house. Howard asked if she would be friends with her. Chelsea said she would if she wanted to be. Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel figured out how to make that happen.
Howard gave Chelsea a plug for her book and said he has to get it. He said there's also a story he has to ask about. He said she went to Detroit and did some charity benefit. She was doing a show for a theater and she gave the money to the employees and they all got like $800. Howard said it went horribly wrong though. Chelsea said all of the people there looked like they were on their last leg. She said she wanted to donate her fee to the employees. She said they did that and they got like $860. She said she was told they can't do that for tax purposes. She said that she insisted they do it. She said she did it and within 2 weeks two of the people tried to add a number on the check so it was like $1860 and one tried to do over 100,000. She said that the others went out and spent it on crack and things like that. She said she tried to do a good thing and it didn't work. Chelsea said that she once bought a woman teeth because she was upset with a joke she made about people without teeth. She said that she gave her like 20 grand and she went and got teeth and then she got another letter asking for uppers. She said it never ends.
Howard said Chelsea is doing shows there at Madison Square Garden and it's sold out. She said that she's going to Washington DC and Cleveland tonight and tomorrow. Howard said that she's on some tour. He said he's tired and he doesn't know how she can do this. She said she has an hour of material she does.
Chelsea told Howard that she has family that have jobs but they don't all work like she does. She said she has a sister who hasn't worked in 10 years and she told her that this is the best time of her life. She said that she just takes the kids to school and picks them up. She said that would be impressive if she was doing that as an Eskimo with a rickshaw.
Howard said that she must have to pay her staff a lot of money. She said she's fine with that. She said they deserve it. Howard said he loves that she says she hates working at E!. She said that she's sure after they hear this they're going to call Irving and say ''no negotiations.''
Howard asked Chelsea if she ran into Joan Rivers at the birthday show. Chelsea said she didn't. Howard asked if they're still feuding. Chelsea said she doesn't think they were feuding. Howard said he heard that Comcast told her that she's not allowed to talk about the Today show or Matt Lauer. She said they don't tell her what she can talk about. She said they do ask her to take some stuff out of the show if it's something she's okay with but not that kind of thing. She said she had a joke about someone commenting on straight men commenting on the Oscars and how you need to get a dick in your ass right away. She said they thought she was talking about Ryan Seacrest but she really wasn't. She said she didn't care about the joke that much that it had to stay in.
Howard gave Chelsea a plug for her book ''Uganda Be Kidding Me'' and said he thinks it'll be a best seller. Howard said he likes her because she may be more miserable than him. Howard said that makes him happy. He said you can find out more about her at ChelseaHandler.com. He said her show is simulcast on SiriusXM too. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard asked if Chelsea is getting used to seeing Whitney Cummings with a black guy. Chelsea said that she didn't know she had to get used to it. She said that Whitney is like a black person now and it's great. Howard said they've said too much. He said she won't have as much fun the rest of the day like she did here. Howard asked what she'd doing later. She said she's flying down to Washington DC on a private jet. She said that she doesn't pretend she flies commercial when she doesn't. She said there are 4 or 5 of them who fly together. Howard asked what it's like. Howard said he's never been on one. Chelsea said he's full of it. Howard said they have learned a lot this morning. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he had a lot of fun there with Chelsea. He said he likes her. He said she's a fascinating woman. Howard said that story about her dad in the nursing home was too much.
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody. Robin said that song was terrible and he put no effort into it at all. It was to the tune of Purple Rain and it was about his Purple Vein. Howard said the guy doesn't have a studio. He said not everyone has a studio like Psych. Howard said in his opinion it's perfect. Fred said that was Zachary who called in the other day. Howard said he loves his work. He said he thinks he's a truck driver. Howard said he also won their prettiest penis contest. Robin said that's the one George Takei liked.
Robin started her news with a story about Jimmy Kimmel's show that aired after the Oscars. Robin said that it was so good it'll air on Saturday at 8pm on ABC.
Robin read a story about school lunches and a documentary, called Lunch Hour, that was done that she participated in about that. She said that it's available now.
Robin read a story about the Housewives of New Jersey being in court yesterday being accused of some fraud charges. Robin said the husband isn't even an American citizen. Robin said he could end up being deported. Robin said it's Joe and Teresa Guidice. Robin said the wife faces up to 27 months in jail. Robin said their lawyer is hoping to get probation for the husband so he doesn't have to be deported.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who said that he wanted to ask Chelsea a question earlier. He told Howard he uses Audible.com like he was plugging during the break. Howard asked what he was going to ask Chelsea. Bill kept saying ''hello'' so Howard hung up on him. He said he's not sure what planet he's on.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he will do band rehearsals in the studio when he puts his band together. Howard said he's not sure anyone would want to hear that. Howard said he can play Hurt and Old Man all the way through and ''Across the Universe'' he has about halfway done. Howard said he went from that song right into Old Man like bands can do. Howard said he did the half of ''Across the Universe'' and right into Old Man.
Howard said he wants to get some recording equipment so he can get some of it recorded. He said he's getting this thing that he can't remember the name of. He had it on his phone. Howard said Richard Gibbons told him this. He mentioned this thing called a 4 track porta-studio. Howard said that it's like a thing you can carry in your lap. Howard said Richard told him about this thing and it's very user friendly. Howard said this model is from Zoom and it's an R16. He said it's 399 bucks and shipping is free. Howard said he might do it. Fred said he has tried using stuff like that and he had a hard time with it. Fred said he uses Garage Band himself. Howard asked if he could understand it. Fred said it's got a learning curve. The caller said he uses a program called Audacity. He said any dummy can learn it. Howard said he's a dummy so he can learn it.
The caller wanted Howard to try playing right now in the studio. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that. The caller said Robin can sing. Howard said Robin's head might explode from his guitar playing. The caller kept telling him to just go for it. Howard said that might be a bit self indulgent. Howard said he'll see. He said if they do a nighttime rehearsal he'll just flip a microphone on.
Howard said they are trying to put a band together. Howard asked Fred if he wants to be in it. Fred said if Howard wants him to. Robin said he's giving his parent's answer. Howard said he won't have him in if he doesn't want to be there. Fred said he has to think about it. Fred said he may not be right for the band. He said whatever Howard says is what's right for the band. Howard said he can't believe he doesn't want to be in it. He said Richard wants to be in it. Howard said he'll get some other dudes then. Fred is out. Robin said that's mind blowing. Howard said he was his go to guy. Fred said he's in then. Howard said no and said he's fired. He said he really understands it though. Howard said he has to get out of that conversation though. He said that he doesn't get what Fred is saying.
Fred said that they have some guys there who play and he can get them in there. Fred said Paul Gressini is a great guitar player from what he's heard. He said he's never heard him play though. Howard said Ralph wants in but he doesn't play anything.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a case in New Jersey where an 18 year old is suing her parents for tuition to school. Robin said she doesn't live at home anymore. Howard said she claims that she got thrown out and that she was abused. Robin said that she claims the father was over affectionate and her mother called her fat. Howard said that sounds loving to him. Howard said the parents say she left the house and now she wants money. Robin said she's living at a friend's house and the father of that child is giving her the money to sue her parents. They spent a little more time talking about that and then Howard did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a woman who drove her minivan, with her kids in it, into the ocean. Robin said the woman has been hospitalized. Robin said that they're not sure if it was intentional or an accident. Robin said a witness said that the kids were screaming that their mother was trying to kill them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife told him he was talking about pretty vaginas and no one would talk about their ugly vagina. Howard said it was labia but go ahead. The caller said his wife has a large labia minora. He said he loves her very much though. Howard said everyone there on the show has small ones. Howard said that he wants to see a photo. The caller said his wife would show him. Howard told Gary to book this guy and his wife so he can see that. Robin said that all came about because of a Craigslist ad from a guy who likes big labia. Howard put the guy on hold. Howard said he'll have to try not to laugh. Robin said she may have a perfectly normal vagina. Howard said he can't believe someone wants to come in and show that. Howard told Gary to bump George Clooney and book that guy.
Robin read a story about a woman who posted an ad about how she knows her husband is cheating on her and it's become a viral internet hit. Howard did a live commercial read and then took a break.
After the break, around 10:00am, Howard came back and said he was thinking about how Chelsea Handler told A-Rod to fuck off. He said that hit him funny.
Robin asked what went on with The Bachelor Juan Pablo. Howard said that he's an asshole. Howard said the guy is a handsome guy who is an idiot. Howard said he has no idea how to talk to women. Howard said he acts like a retard and the women all look like fools. He said he thinks women are turned off to the dude. He said it's a good lesson for women. He said you have to date guys like him who work hard.
Robin asked what the future of television is. Howard said it's constantly evolving. He said he thinks there will be a lot of TV being produced. Howard said he thinks there will be room for a network thing so people can watch a football game or the Academy Awards together. Robin said that some people are cutting off their cable TV. Howard said a lot of younger people are doing that now. He said the whole thing is changing. Howard said when you read that Breaking Bad had 13 million viewers then you know it's more than that. He said that there are so many ways to get the material. He said E! will still be a shitty network in the future though. He said Chelsea was right about that. He said he loves that she's honest about that. He said you have to love her. He said if you don't then there's something wrong with you.
Robin read that Disney made a deal with Dish Network to offer a couple of their channels on a streaming only service. Howard said that you don't really need a network now. Howard said you can just throw stuff up on the internet yourself now. Howard said he'd like to put a TV show up on his web site. He said he should do that like Jerry Seinfeld does with his show ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.'' Howard said he might put Benjy in it. Fred played Benjy screaming from earlier in the show. Fred said that was Benjy getting his sides from the movie. He was doing his Benjy voice and saying ''There goes my calves.''
Howard said he got an interview request from Piers Morgan's people. He said they want him to do the last show. Howard said he might do it. He said he told Piers it wasn't going to be so easy. Howard said he might have to eat some humble pie on Friday. Howard said he thinks that Piers is going to be eaten by a shark and cut his way out with a chainsaw. Howard said he's not sure he wants to stay up late for that show. He said the reality of doing it is hard. He said that he got word yesterday about it. He said he has a bunch of things that he would do but he's not sure if he will do it. Howard said if he could do it now he would. He said he's not sure there's any good time to do it. Howard said if he doesn't do it it's not because he doesn't like Piers. It's because he's essentially too lazy.
Robin said today is Ash Wednesday. Howard said he used to give people ashes so they didn't have to go to church. Robin said they were just cigarette ashes though. Howard said they probably do the same thing at church. Howard said he finds it kind of odd when he sees someone with ash on their forehead. He said he's not putting down religion but it is kind of odd. He said he pretends not to see it.
Robin read that there are ashes to go stations around town for people who can't get to church. Robin said they have dozens of locations across the country and England.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he dated a girl in college who had some serious beef curtains. He said he had to take a step back the first time he saw them. He said it looked like a nut sack hanging there. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about Vladimir Putin going into Ukraine and how it's very similar to what Hitler did. Howard said he loves not knowing. He said he doesn't even know where it is on a map.
Robin read about what some politicians are saying about President Obama's handling of this situation. Howard said he wouldn't know either. Robin had some audio of John McCain talking about that situation. Robin said that they're still evaluating what they should do about the situation over there. Howard said now he knows what Sal feels every day.
Robin read a story about a woman in Alabama who is trying to get a bill passed that would make it illegal for an abortion to happen once there is a heart beat. Howard said that she can take care of the baby then. Howard said we have a person you can dump your baby off at when you don't want it.
Robin read about how Chris Christie is taking a hit in the polls over the way he handled the hurricane Sandy recovery. Robin said he's dropped quite a bit over the past few months. Robin said he started out very good but now he's having a tough time.
Robin read about Nicki Minaj's mother who is getting into the music business. Robin had a clip of one of her songs. Robin said that it will be released soon.
Robin read that the Dove people are going to take down a billboard that called New Jersey the ''Armpit of America.'' Robin said that they have a new deodorant coming out and the people of New Jersey aren't happy about it. Howard said you have to be embracing of everyone when you advertise something. Robin said the campaign has been canceled. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
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Jon said that Howard was also talking about Radio Shack today. Gary said he goes there about 5 times a year and he probably doesn't spend more than 50 bucks the whole year. Gary said that he goes for adapters and cables and stuff. He said there is stuff you can only get there unless you order it online. Jon said it's only an incidental visit for him. He said he won't go there unless he just runs across it. He said they were making fun of themselves in the commercials they were running recently. They haven't changed much.
Gary said if he sees someone buying a phone on there you laugh at them. He said you get just as good a deal at Verizon as you do there. He said he's not sure why anyone would buy a phone there. Jon said the customer service just isn't there anymore at a lot of places.
Gary said his wife gets upset with him because he has no patience for people who work in retail and act angry when you ask for something. He said there is nothing worse than going somewhere and the employees there act like they don't see you.
Gary said he and Mary went to look for a vacuum cleaner at Circuit City once. He said he saw about 5 and they looked fine and he asked for an employee to help. He said he was reading the tags and he had no clue about what was best.
Jon said that the people who do want to do their job well don't have it easy. He said he will go back to a place that has good customer service. He said it's more and more rare these days though.
Gary said they had a Caldor in his neighborhood and they had awful customer service. He said that no one seemed to know what he wanted. He said they knew this guy Jimmy who would know what he needed. He said that they found Jimmy and he had Down Syndrome. He said he was the only one who knew where this thing was that he was looking for. He said Jimmy was nicer too.
Jon said that Benjy is going to be in Sharknado 2 and they will talk about that. He said that Howard was upset that Fred didn't want to be in his band. Gary said maybe it's not fun for Fred to jam with Howard. He said he can see Fred thinking that he'll get made fun of for things he does in the band. Jon said he'd love to talk to Fred about playing and what he thinks. He said that he may not have the patience to help others. Gary said the best players are not always the best coaches.
Jon said Howard is thinking about being the last guest on Piers Morgan. Gary said he thinks he should do it. He said he thought about how he was the last guest on David Brenner's talk show and he just started taking everything. He said he pulled the boom microphone off and things like that.
Jon said that they could go down a pretty cool road if Howard did it. Gary said it's a lot of balls for Piers to ask him to be back for his last show. He said he's not doing it to gain anything. He said he's done and that's that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Jillian Barberie. Jon said she had a lot to talk about today. She's doing a radio show now and she is able to talk about a lot of things. Gary said that when she was on the TV show they probably talked for like 10 minutes. Now she has to talk for hours. Jon said she said she's tired from talking so much. Jon said she's working hard and it's only going to get tougher. Jon said she's working her ass off.
Gary said they've been doing the show for 8 years now and he's not sure they could do 4 hours. Jon said it would be a lot harder. Jon said that's the thing about Howard. He said that he does 4 plus hours every morning. He said that's a grind. Gary said the expectations are high and they do a lot of content but people complain. He said no one bats 1000. He said they do try but they can't. Gary said it's hard. He said they can't have Paul McCartney on every day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Fred doesn't want to be in Howard's band because Fred sees Howard being the controlling factor in the band. He said he can see Howard trying to control it and Fred doesn't want to deal with that.
Gary said he's not sure what the expectations are for Howard. Jon said he thinks Howard wants to do a couple of songs and get to grow and grow with a full band. Jon said no one is going to tell Howard that he's screwing things up if he is. He said there is no competition there. He said Howard wants to get better and have fun doing it. Fred has been there and done that already. Jon said that Howard and Fred talk but don't really talk. He said that might make it hard for them to be in a band together.
Jon said he was trying to play guitar and bass a few years ago and he wasn't that good. He said Steve Brandano came over and jammed with him and it was fun. He said that's what it's all about. Jon asked Steve what it's like when you play with people who aren't on the same level. Steve said it's fun to do what he and Jon did but Howard is looking for something not so loose. He said that they're going to play Old Man and play it right. He said that might be pushing Fred away.
Steve said that you haven't lived until you've heard him and Jon do Breakdown. Jon said that was one song they were able to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jillian chick was fine looking. He thought she was a superfan of the show. He had no idea she had a show. He said he didn't hear the whole interview. Jon said he thought she did a good job. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said he did kind of say he had to think about it. Fred said he wanted to give Howard and out just in case he doesn't want him to play. Fred said Howard has given him mixed messages about things like wanting to call him and never calling him.
Gary said that he'd drop him a note and tell him he is serious about doing it. He said if he wants him then he'll have him play. He said if he doesn't return the email then maybe he doesn't want him. He said it's like dating a chick.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Fred thinks that he jumps into things a lot and he may be off on some tother tangent soon. Fred said it's never a waste of time. He said he's not sure how serious Howard is. He said if he wants to just play guitar together he's fine with that. He said he's fine playing gin the band too. He said he's not sure where he wants to go with that band though. Fred said it's not a slam dunk that he's going to be in the band.
Fred said it's not a waste of time to play. He said he thinks it keeps the brain going and staves off the Alzheimer's. Fred said he's picked up a little bit of the violin just by helping his daughter. Jon asked if he thinks Howard is going to just jam or try to play ''Old Man'' just right. Fred said he isn't sure where Howard wants to go with it. He said he does get serious about things like photography. He said it's too soon to tell and only Howard knows that answer.
Jon asked Scott how he would answer that question if he was asked to be in the band. Scott said he'd just wait and probably say yes. He said Fred did give Howard an out though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a working pianist. He said he has made a living doing it. He said Howard has overstepped the line thinking that this is like chess or being a photographer. He said Fred is super confident but it took him years to get there. He said Howard is over confident and he is taking on too much. He said he's serious and it's insulting. Gary said that's a really douchy thing to say. He said Howard doesn't think he can play at that level. He said he's got total respect for those people. Fred said he agrees with Gary. He said when Howard started playing on the air live he could tell he's been learning and practicing with teachers. He said it may not be that smooth but there is a competence there.
Jon said that you need patience and practice to move on. Fred said they had John Fogerty on the birthday show and he had read an article he did and he said he still practices 4 hours a day on guitar. He said that was impressive to him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Fred seems like a real musician. He said that when they get together with other musicians they vibe together. He said that it seems like today it wasn't working with him and Howard. Fred said he has respect for Howard. He said he wants to let Howard do what he wants to do. Fred said he has a love for music and he loves playing. He said he wants to pull his hair out at times with his daughter playing violin. He said he just wants her to get to that next level.
Jon asked Ronnie if he has ever played an instrument. Ronnie said he had a snare drum but he got yelled at by the neighbors so he had to stop playing. He said he was a little kid at the time. Jon asked if he could play the Stray Cats stuff. Ronnie said no. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Gary said he and Fred played with John Entwistle. Fred said he remembers that. He said they were doing an event and he did get some good guys to play. Gary said he played tambourine. Fred said he played guitar and it was one of the most exciting moments of his life. He said that it was like driving a Ford Pinto and then it was like getting behind the wheel of a Ferrari. Fred said you're at a level you've never been at. Gary said it was really wild to be up there playing with him.
Jon said that Scott was defending Radio Shack in the back and he went in the studio and said they're not that good now. Scott said he used to go there and he used to get the catalog and it was like his reading material. Gary said that Radio Shack has things like a coaxial cable coupling. You can't get that anywhere else.
Fred said that Radio Shack remodeled near him and it looked like a cheesy Best Buy. He said trying to get the stuff they used to have isn't that easy. He said that he asked a girl for a part and she said she'd go look but he's sure she just went down and had a cigarette and came back.
Gary said Radio Shack used to have all of the stuff you needed when it came to cables and plugs. He said that the stuff is very expensive now. He said the other bullshit move they have is that they only have the gold plated cables that you don't really need.
Ralph said the 99 cent store near him has that kind of stuff. Fred said that it's not that easy to find in the city though. He said they're not around.
Will came in and said that Scott was in the back talking about how great Radio Shack was but then you put him on the air and he says he wasn't defending them. He said he did that with a bowling thing the other day. Gary said Scott is the worst at doing that. He always back tracks. Will told Scott to defend his opinions instead of going back on them.
Jon asked if Scott was joking about getting tired from walking from one bowling lane to another. Scott said he was tired but he was just joking about why. Ronnie asked him why he comes in there. He said he knows he's going to get his balls broken. Ronnie said he had to have his bowling ball drilled out because his fingers were swollen. Scott said he did but he has to have the inserts replaces now that the swelling has gone down. He said they have a truck in the parking lot where you can get the ball drilled out. Jon asked if he had to bring it out himself. Scott said they had someone bring it out for him. He said it only took 10 minutes.
Shuli said that one of his headlines is about Scott and he's sure that he'll say it's not true. Shuli said Scott was very heated over the Oscar Pistorius trial. Scott said he doesn't remember why. Scott said he wonders why he should give a shit about Oscar Pistorius. Shuli said he thinks that no one should be talking about it. Will said Scott doesn't like that but he thinks bowling should be on TV. Scott said he doesn't give a shit about that or about celebrities giving birth. He said there are more important things to worry about.
Gary said whenever you start a story with Scott it goes nowhere. Jon said that he was at Benjy's microphone so maybe they're stuck in a vortex.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news. Shuli ran down a couple of stories they had coming up. Gary said Shuli's wife is pregnant and she needle pointed a thing that must have taken weeks to do. Shuli said that it was a thing that she made to commemorate his wedding. Gary said she has an attachment to him that's very strong. Jon congratulated him on all of that. Shuli ran down more of what they had coming up today on Howard 100 News and later tonight on Howard 101.
Jon let the guys get in their plugs. Fred got in a plug for a gig he's doing on Friday night where he'll be playing some all new songs. The rest of the guys got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:20am.
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