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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | Latest Master Tape Theatre |
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Howard started the show talking about how exciting it was to be up and talking to Robin. Robin said that was a very upbeat thing to say. Howard said he's an upbeat guy. Both of them laughed.
Howard said he wants to start the show but he's too tired. Howard said he was very negative last night and was bad mouthing a lot of people. He said a lot of people were involved in that. Howard said he was just letting off some stress. He said he wasn't able to fall asleep. He said he started to blast off about all of that. He said Beth said they had to have sex so she could get the poison out of him.
Howard said he walked in this morning and he smells like chemicals. He said they decided to spray something to loosen up the dump button. Howard said he doesn't care about that button and they waited until right before he came in to spray it. Howard said they could have checked it on Friday. Howard said they don't have to wait until Monday to do that. He said they could have done it on Friday.
Howard said it stinks in there. He said now he's hyper focused on this now. Howard said this isn't supposed to be a hazardous job but it is this morning with that smell. Howard said he's sure that he's going to get ball cancer from the equipment around him. Robin said nothing will happen from that. Howard said he's sitting on top of a radiation machine.
Howard said the smell is overwhelming in there. Howard said he wants to leave. He said it smells like what you spray when you have ants in your house. He said he wants to throw up. Robin said ''Lucky us.'' Howard said he can't get away from the smell. He asked if they can give him a gas mask or something. He said he can't get away from the smell.
Howard asked them to let him out of there. He said they should just end the show now. He said his contract is another year but he wants to end it now. Howard said the smell is awful. He asked if he has to smell it the rest of the morning. Howard said next Robin will be visiting him with the cancer. He said he'd rather smoke cigarettes. Howard said at least that's enjoyable.
Howard said he gives up. He said they don't need to spray the board 5 minutes before he comes in. Howard said they must have sprayed that thing down very aggressively. He said they could wait until after the show. He said they did it 5 minutes before he walked in. He said he's aggravated and irritated.
Howard said this went on for an hour last night before Beth fucked him. He said he has a headache from this smell. He asked Gary if he knows what they sprayed. Gary said he's trying to find out. Howard said he's losing his facility to speak. He said they do this 5 minutes before he does the show. Howard said they can spray by Benjy and not by him. Howard said he's aggravated now. Howard said he's a human and he's allowed to get angry.
Howard said Bernie Parent is going to call in to talk about his man tits. Howard said they have this guy Skrillex is coming in too. He said he's not into EDM but this is the guy who is big in that. Howard said that he's 26 years old and very successful.
Gary came in and told Howard about how he has the guy with the spray coming in. Howard said that he has an idea. He said they can get together on Fridays and examine the board. Howard said they can do maintenance on Friday. Howard said there's no way the button got gummed up since then. Howard told Scott to go over the board after the show. He said they can do this work then instead. Howard said it stinks to high heaven now. Scott said he has to go over the board before the show. Howard said that he can't be doing it 5 minutes before the show. Howard said Scott has to test everything on Friday. Howard said Monday morning is too late. Scott said that's okay. Howard said he has to check the stuff before the show but no spraying until after the show or Friday.
Howard said he has this smell now. Scott said he did smell it. He said they tried to wipe it down. Howard said it worked fucking great. Howard said it's a fucking joke around there. He said thanks for that. Howard said it's like spraying someone's house for ants 5 minutes before they walk in. Howard asked what Scott is going to do. Scott said they will check on Friday and repair it then. Howard asked what he's doing today. Scott said they will repair it after the show when they check it. Howard said maybe they can wait until 5 minutes before he comes in. Scott said they will not do that. Howard thanked him and told Scott to go have a good laugh.
Howard asked to see the spray. They handed him the bottle. Howard read the label on the contact cleaner. Howard went through the list of chemicals and warnings on the can. The can says that you should use in a well ventilated area. He said there aren't windows for miles in there. Howard said he wants to smash that dump button with a hammer. Robin said they don't even need it. Howard said he knows. Howard said they say not to inhale this stuff. He said that's exactly what he's doing.
Howard went over the list some more. They tell you not to breath the vapors. Howard said these fuckers don't think about him. They tell you not to breath it in and that's all he's doing. Howard said he's so far away from it he can't see the button and it still stinks. Howard said he wants out of there. He said he's been doing this for over 40 years and he's sick of it. Howard said it's enough already. He said it's time to go. He said his guys just spray this shit all over the place. Howard asked for a break. He said he needs a break from this place. He said they can't spray him down with this stuff. He said they say use in a well ventilated area. Howard said now he's going to get cancer. He said it stinks to high heaven in there. Howard said he has thousands of people working there and he can't get it right.
Howard said he's not that bright but he thinks before he acts. He said he got right to the top because he thinks. Howard said he was a dishwasher and he got promoted within weeks. Howard said it's not because he's a genius. He said he thinks of other people. Howard said he's a fucking genius. He said it's not because of IQ. He said that's not high. Howard said he can't even find his way around but he knows how to think. Howard said he bought himself a cassette player and listened to how bad he was on radio. He said he figured out how to get better. Howard said he wondered what the key was there. He said he figured just doing his job properly would keep him employed. Howard said he had to stay alert and help people out. Howard said he didn't know anything about production but he figured it out and did the job. Howard said it's a shame it has to all end while he's sniffing cancer fumes. Howard said he should just walk out and come back tomorrow. Howard said he won't do that because he's conscientious. Howard said he's going to sit there and breathe that shit in. Robin said that doesn't sound so smart. Howard said he's a soldier and he'll sit there and do his job even with that smell.
Howard said he has been taught a lot by his psychiatrist. Howard said he learned that people are jealous. Howard said they do this stuff on purpose. Howard said his shrink taught him to be paranoid. Robin said it's time to leave if he's feeling that bad.
Howard said that Gary told him that they had to spray something this morning. He said you'd think he'd warn him about it. Howard said he feels wrong just leaving. Robin said if it's that bad he has to leave. Howard said he has to stay and go down with the ship. He said it's like a gas chamber in there. Howard said he's sorry because he knows it's supposed to be a fun show. He had Fred take them to break. As they went to break Fred played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a woman using clips of Sal crying.
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Robin said Howard made himself this important. Robin said they need his approval. Howard said everyone wants Daddy time. Howard said he can smell the work going on now.
Howard said now he can try sitting down and ignoring that stink. Howard said Gary knew all about it before he came in. He didn't warn him about it. Howard said he told him they had to fix the dump button. Howard said it just got gunked up right before he came in apparently.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks everyone is wicked grateful that he's up this early. Howard said he just has a problem with certain people there. Howard said he has to sit there and suck the fumes in. The caller asked if he knows who did that. Howard said he doesn't want to get into it.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said this isn't about finger pointing. He said it's about and attitude like they're going to give it back to him. Howard said they aren't conscious of it. Howard said they do it 5 minutes before he comes in. Howard said it's all in the unconscious. Howard said they're not in touch with their feelings. Howard said this studio sits empty for days and they could clean it anytime. Howard said they do it 5 minutes before the show starts. Howard asked why they would do that to him. He said they must hate him. He said they say they like him but you know they hate him. Howard said he works his ass off and he's making it. He said they could do that too.
King was trying to say something but Howard hung up saying he can't talk to him right now. Howard said he leaves there Wednesday at 11am and they have 4 days to do this stuff. He said he knows this is boring. Howard said he has to move on. Robin said people can apply this to their own lives.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was listening to this Town Hall meeting with Jimmy Page and he was pissed that Howard wasn't doing it. He asked why Jimmy isn't in his studio doing that. Howard said Gary reached out to his people and Jimmy said an emphatic no. He said that he's been on late night shows and they don't ask him anything. Howard said he would have loved to have done an interview and sold some books for the guy. Howard said if Jimmy wants to do every show but his then that's up to him. He said he must have a bug up his ass or something. Howard said there was an article in the paper about Jimmy Page this morning. Howard said Richard Branson offered Led Zeppelin $800 million to do 30 shows and they turned it down because Robert Plant won't do it. Howard said that Robert Plant took the contracts and ripped them up in front of Branson's face. Howard said he knows guys who have a ton of money and they wouldn't turn that down. Howard said he could probably make $100 million from that offer. Howard said he doesn't care how much money you have, you year that kind of offer and you think twice. Howard said maybe he has enough money and he doesn't need the aggravation.
The caller said he was just bummed out about the Jimmy Page thing. Howard said he feels bad for Jimmy Page. He said he can't sing his own songs. He said he has to have Robert Plant do them. Howard said the frustration is there and he has to deal with Robert Plant. Howard said the guy isn't motivated by money and Led Zeppelin. Howard said he thinks that he's just not pleased with the way he sings those songs now. Howard said maybe that's why he's not doing it. Howard said if that's his reasoning then he applauds him.
The caller said that maybe they could go online and find someone to sing the songs like Robert Plant does. Howard said he saw them once and he walked out. The caller said he saw them back in 1990. He said he saw them the last show they played together.
Howard said the reason he left is because people were throwing M80s off the balcony there. Howard said that's a quarter stick of dynamite that they were throwing on people's heads.
Howard thanked the caller for the call. Howard said he's disappointed because he's a true fan. Howard said if he had done an interview it would have been interesting. Howard said he's a real fan and he's not making him a second guest on a show like Letterman did. Howard said Letterman had Whoopi or someone on and they had Jimmy on for like 10 minutes. The caller asked if he heard the interview on Classic Vinyl. Howard said he did not.
Howard took a call from a guy calling in as Cancer. He told Howard he's coming for him. Howard said he feels his eyes burning now. Howard asked Cancer how he fucked up the Robin thing. He said sometimes one will get away. Howard thanked him for the call.
JD told Howard it was actually the EMAs which is the European Music Awards. JD told Howard he'd have that performance for him in a few minutes.
Howard said he has so many people laughing about JD the script doctor. Howard said this smell is so bad it has him off his game. He said he's so sorry. Howard said he's so distracted today.
Howard said Gary has a friend who is a real script doctor. Howard said he wrote about how they can make $35,000 a week doing that job. He said it's not easy to get into that job though. He said you have to know how to write a script. He said they had writers in on Men in Black 3 to punch up the script. He said this guy says that you can make $35,000 a week doing that. Howard said the guy says that no one gets in unless you have a great writing history. Howard said he says that JD should learn to write a script instead.
Howard asked JD if he's listening. JD said he is. Howard asked him what he thinks. JD just said ''Sure.'' Howard played a song parody about JD after he said he was done talking about it. JD said he knows he's an idiot. Howard said he thinks he'd have better luck becoming a regular doctor and not a script doctor.
Howard played a movie commercial parody about JD the script doctor. He had another song parody about JD and his script doctoring as well. That led right into a commercial break. As they went to break they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a restaurant asking what they had on their menu.
Howard had Bernie on the phone and Bernie said that he's so happy to be on with the King. He said he's from Montreal after Robin asked where that accent is from. Howard asked Bernie if he was embarrassed by his accent. Bernie said he was at one time but not anymore.
Howard asked if hockey players today are wimps and pussies. Bernie said he can't say pussy to him so early in the morning. He said that turns him on. Bernie said that you have to be surrounded by a great team. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. He said he's suffocating in there this morning after his team let him down.
Bernie told Howard about winning the Stanley Cup and what that was like for him. He said that was back in 1974 and 75. Howard asked if that's a great feeling to win that. Bernie said it really is. He said that's something you dream about and then all of a sudden you win it. Howard asked if he gets a lot of pussy from that. Bernie said he did and he still does.
Robin asked if there were super models around back then. Bernie said back in 1973 he was making like 250,000 a year. He said now it's in the millions. Howard asked if he wishes he was playing now. Bernie said once in a while he does. He said he liked playing back in those days though. He said the rules have changed now. He said the media was much easier on them back then. He said back then you speared someone and you got a standing ovation. He said that doesn't happen now.
Howard said Bernie got hit in the eye with a stick and that ruined his career. Bernie said that he was completely blind for 2 weeks back then. He said that was a frightening time in his life. Howard said now they have safety equipment that would have stopped that. Bernie said that today they have a plexiglass that can protect you. He said back then it didn't work like that.
Howard said Bernie suffered from having bitch tits. Bernie said he did. He said for all those years he didn't go to the beach. He said he was about a year old when he first notice them. Bernie said that they're just fatty deposits under your boobs. Bernie said he met Dr. Davis and he thinks that he'd like to bring the doctor on to talk about that. Howard said he will do that in a minute.
Howard asked Bernie about this man tit thing and said he saw pictures of them and they weren't that bad. Howard said he has guys on the staff who have them but they brought them on themselves. Bernie said that in his early 20s it became an issue for him. Howard asked if the players would goof on him about it. Bernie said not that much. Bernie said that it wasn't that big of an issue with them. Howard asked about banging girls and if they mentioned them. Bernie said when you have a big dick they don't concentrate on that. Howard said that's great that he has a big dick. Howard said it must have all been in his head. Bernie said it was getting to be more of an issue as he got older.
Howard asked if he ever had to wear a bra. Bernie laughed. Howard said Robin wears a jogging bra. Bernie said he can't wait to go to New York and shake his hand. Bernie said Howard is one of those people he wants to meet some day. Howard said he can't wait to meet him.
Howard said that Bernie went to meet Dr. Steven Davis and he helped him with this problem. Howard asked how he met him. Bernie said he met him at the Wing Bowl in Philly. He told Howard about that and what they do there.
Howard got Dr. Davis on the phone. Dr. Davis told Howard that Bernie got his fixed non-surgically. He said that they have female breasts and it's been around forever. He said that he's seen guys who are in their 40s and 50s and they never do anything about it. Howard asked how big Bernie was. Dr. Davis said he was probably a full B-cup. Dr. Davis said they do this non surgically and what they do is freeze the fat. He said they started doing this with men's breasts and they don't have to do this surgically. Robin asked if the fat flushes out. Dr. Davis said it does and then the body does away with it. He said the body excretes it like it would with oily French fries.
Howard said that Bernie says he has a big dick too. He asked Dr. Davis if he saw that. Dr. Davis said he did not. He said he wasn't aware of that. Howard said he heard Bernie had quite a few women. Howard asked if he had more than two at once. Bernie said he once had 5 at once. Howard said that there were 12 breasts in that room then. Dr. Davis said that Bernie still has women attracted to him. Bernie is 69 but he said he feels like he's 50. Bernie said he likes to keep the women between 25 years old and 30 years old. He said he doesn't like going over 30. He said there's an unwritten rule that the women get on top of you once you're over 60.
Dr. Davis said that it's great that Bernie is talking about this. He said more men are coming out to talk about it now. Robin asked when he got the procedure done. Dr. Davis said that it was about 2 months ago. Howard said he can't out about his penis years ago and this is so great that he's coming out about this.
Howard said you can find out more about this procedure at DavisCPS.com. Howard wrapped up and let Bernie and Dr. Davis go after that. Howard said Bernie suffered from man boobs. He said they once asked him to play in a bikini. He said he was just joking about that of course. Robin said she didn't know that was a problem. Howard said he has to take a break so he can breathe some fresh air. He explained why and then went to break. They played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Jeff the Drunk asking him what he'd be willing to do with his dead arm. s
Howard said he'll be joining Casey soon enough. He said he had Gary light a candle in there. He said there is giant black smoke coming from the candle. Howard said that has to be the cancer being burned off. Robin said that happens with candles. Howard said it's too late. He said he's going to get cancer. Robin said he should stop saying that.
Howard had Casey Kasem on the phone and the connection was really bad. He had Casey tell them where he was. He was in a Burger King in Dallas. Howard said next time he calls in he should turn up the volume on the board. The guys were playing the clips of Casey just saying ''yes'' and ''Okay I gotcha'' and things like that.
Howard said that's another bunch of rocket scientists back there. Howard said they forget to turn up the volume on their board. Howard said he's alone there.
Howard said that woman who hates big dicks was on Face the Nation this week. Howard played a bit the guys put together with some Face the Nation clips and the woman who doesn't like big dicks clips. They had the woman responding to questions about political topics.
Howard said this guy Matt Jacobs does an impression of High Pitch Eric and Joey Boots and it's so great. Howard played a clip of Matt doing his thing and he did both impressions amazingly well. He had Eric claiming he lost 15 pounds in one night. He also had Eric talking about what he ate at Boston Market.
Howard played a bit they created of a radio station introducing songs that they had Yoko Ono singing along with. It was 97.1 YOKO. Howard said people were asking to hear more of that Yoko scream.
Howard said that people are writing in about Robin's doody wipes and people are fascinated with it. Howard said that she cleans up and wipes a few times. Then she takes a wet nap and puts that in the garbage pail. Howard said that Robin has a cleaning woman throw them out for her. Robin said there is very little to be offended by. Howard said it is there though. He said even if it's thin and faint. Howard said a lot of people are writing in about it.
Howard played a commercial parody they did for Robin's Shit Wipes and Shit Bucket. Howard said he loves how Robin breaks in on that and says ''Don't sweat the small stuff.'' Robin said that's what the bucket says when you throw things away.
Howard said Riley Martin chimed in on that too. Howard played a clip of Riley talking about his piss jugs and how she could buy one of those for her wipes. Howard said that Riley calls them libations and he must not know what that means. Howard said it's ablutions which is wiping her ass.
Howard played a song parody they did called ''Sucking on Patrick Schwarzenegger's Balls'' which was inspired by Miley Cyrus dating Patrick.
Howard said he wishes bands like that would come on America's Got Talent. Robin said they don't need that show. Howard said he's hungry for stuff like that.
JD came in and told Howard about another band that's 2 guys. He said it's called Death From Above 1979. He said that the song he should listen to is called Romantic Rights. Fred played that one for Howard and he liked that too. Howard said he's digging that song. Howard said they're not as good as Royal Bloods. He said they're kind of doing a rap thing. He said that they're not as good. JD said they're good. Robin said Howard liked them until they started singing.
Howard said just imagine doing something heroic like that and not getting any credit for it. Howard said now there's another guy claiming he's the one who killed bin Laden. He said they're confused at Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said that Obama is talking about going to fight ISIS and how we may need boots on the ground there. Howard said that we're spending so much money over there and he wonders where our free gas is. Howard said we should be raping those countries and taking their oil. Robin said we're getting screwed on both sides.
Howard said there is a girl on FOX News who is on with Tucker Carlson. Gary said that is JD's number 1 pick for the FOX girls. JD said her name is Anna Kooiman. Howard said she looks so hot. Howard said she has big tits and a perfect body. He said you can tell that she shaves everything. He said that people have to be beating off to her. Gary said that he's looking at her now and she has great abs. Howard told Gary to print that out for him now.
Howard checked out the picture and said that even Robin would be into that. Robin said she's not. Howard said that she's so hot. Fred looked up some things about her and found out she's a kick boxing teacher. Gary had a picture of her getting out of a car with a crotch shot. Howard said he had to see that. Robin asked why he had to see that. Howard said that's the greatest thing she's ever said. Howard said he has to see it because he's a dude.
Fred and Howard were looking at the pictures and talking about how hot they were. Gary said he has another one where she's got hard nipples during a broadcast. Howard said that JD rated the girls over there and picked Anna has his number 1. Howard said he's right on with that. Howard said that Roger Ailes is so right on with these reporters. Howard said he had to throw away the pictures.
Howard said he won't let Benjy do it the whole time. He said it'll be maybe 10 minutes. Howard said he can't do shtick. Benjy said he won't but he wants to have an interesting talk with her. Howard said that Benjy is going to use a unique interviewing style. Howard said he's never heard him interview anyone else. Howard told him to do it and they'll see what he's got.
Howard asked who else he admires. Benjy said he likes Howard's interview style. He said he likes Marc Maron too. He said he doesn't like interviews where they just throw questions out. Howard said he won't interfere. He said that's going to suck but Beth wants to sell the book. Howard said they're not keeping any of the profits from the book.
Benjy said he heard that Beth and Howard loved the idea. Howard said Beth loved the idea. He said that she's ready for it. Howard said they are looking forward to it. Howard said Benjy is going to be wearing a shock collar that day.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Jay Leno going back on the Tonight Show. Howard said he heard he did stand up on the show. He said he bets that Jimmy Fallon was annoyed. Howard said he would love to know what Jimmy really thinks about that.
Howard said Beth is going to regret being interviewed by Benjy. Benjy asked to do it to Howard now. He asked Howard some questions about why he didn't leave this morning. Benjy said what if it takes a week off the end of his life. Howard said he didn't want to let the audience down. Howard said he hates himself. He said this is the most boring interview. Howard said he thinks Benjy is going to fuck up the interview next week. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for him and he keeps harping on it. Benjy said he feels a little nervous about it coming up next week. Howard said that's not a good interview. He said he can't wait to see Benjy and Beth working together.
Howard said he bets that he will regret it next week. Benjy said that he bets Howard really hates himself. Howard said he thinks he does. Fred did his Benjy voice and asked Howard some questions. Howard said he doesn't like the way he looks or feels inside. He said he doesn't like anything about himself. Robin asked if his life would be better without mirrors. Howard said yes. He said this is turning into a great psychological interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Leno seemed to be trying to one up Fallon the other night. Howard said that's what he figured he'd do. Howard said Jimmy didn't have to have him on. The caller said that Jimmy gave Jay some plugs like he wanted to do that like he was a regular guest even though Jay didn't want it. Howard said he should just go on and be interviewed. Howard said he thought it was kind of lame but he hasn't seen the interview yet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he watches another hot chick on FOX News. He said that he thinks that it affects the election because you watch them to see the hot chicks and you want the vote the way they do. Howard said he had to go after that. He said he's not basing his votes on hot chicks.
Howard said Ringo is aging very well. He said that he loves Paul and everything but Ringo is aging better. Howard said he had to go to break and get to Skrillex. Howard said he does EDM. Howard played his song ''Take Me There.'' They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy using Breaking Bad audio clips. They also played a Baba Booey song parody.
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Howard came back and said that Skrillex is there. He said he does EDM (Electronic Dance Music). Howard said he was watching him on a video where he had the guys from The Doors in it. Skrillex said that the Doors was the first time he heard music. Howard said he used to get their albums for free from his dad and he wasn't into them. He said he was into rock and roll but not The Doors. He said they just rubbed him the wrong way. Skrillex said that he thought they were amazing. Howard said he felt stupid because they were huge and they were cool. Howard said that he thought they were cool but he wasn't able to connect with their music. Howard said Skrillex's song turned out cool though.
Skrillex asked what album Howard got first. Howard said that it was Petula Clark's ''Downtown.'' Howard said he listened to a lot of stuff but that was the first one he bought.
Howard said Skrillex's parents let him do anything he wanted when he was growing up. Skrillex said he wouldn't say that. He said that he they had a good trust and a good relationship. He dropped out of school at 16. Howard asked what they had to say about that. Skrillex said he had a bit of a tiff with his parents. Howard said he wasn't told he was adopted until he was 16. Skrillex said that was kind of weird. Howard said they never told him, some friend mouthed off. Skrillex said that he had a girlfriend who accidentally told him. He said she just kind of knew somehow. Howard said that's kind of weird. Howard said he must go into shock hearing that news.
Howard said he knows a guy who found out when he was 40 that he was adopted. He said that must freak you out. Skrillex said that his parents are awesome people but for a minute he didn't talk to them. Howard asked if he went to find his real mom and dad. Skrillex said that he just concentrated on his music.
Howard asked if he plays guitar. Skrillex said he plays guitar but piano is his main instrument. He said he never labeled himself as a guitar player or anything. He said he just made music in any way he could. He said he just likes making stuff. Howard said he didn't have it that easy either. Howard said he was sleeping on friend's couches and stuff when he was 16. Skrillex said that it was an adventure and you learn so much from traveling the world. Howard asked if you go through that moment when friends are getting jobs and wonder if this doesn't work out. Skrillex said that's what will make you fail. He said that he never thought like that. He just kept working.
Howard asked Skrillex if he hates Deadmau5. Skrillex said he did but then said he was joking. He said that Deadmau5 was bad mouthing him once but then he'll see him and he's fine. He said you can't take him that seriously. Howard said now Skrillex is having success and it seems like Deadmau5 is trying to take him down a notch.
Howard said for a guy his age it's weird to see a guy like Skrillex perform. He said there is no band up there. Skrillex said kids like to hear new stuff. He said it's sort of like a Phish concert. He said that they want to hear the hottest stuff and the hottest records.
Howard asked how Paris Hilton can call herself a DJ when she's not making music. Skrillex said if people are willing to pay to see it then that's what will happen.
Skrillex said that some people can just go up on stage and fart and they're artists. Howard asked about working with Lady Gaga. Skrillex said that he worked with her on some early stuff. Howard asked if she has to approve of him doing a remix. Skrillex said if he wants to release it then she has to approve it. Howard said he has seen him do some stuff that turned out really cool. Howard said he's sort of a jack of all trades and he can do so much. He said that's pretty cool. Skrillex said that he has a different set every time he performs. He said they have all kinds of things up on stage that they can do and change at any moment.
Howard asked if he can get tons of pussy being an EDM guy. Skrillex said sure. He said he's super focused on his work though. He said he's working on music all the time. Howard asked if he stays at friend's homes all the time. Skrillex said he likes to do things in different places all the time. Howard said he can produce anywhere. He said thank god for technology. Skrillex said it's amazing.
Howard said he's known Kid Rock for years. He said sometimes he'll ask to be called Bob and sometimes he wants to be called Kid Rock. Howard said Skrillex told Gary to call him Sonny when he came in. Skrillex said that they used to call each other by their nickname on AOL Instant Messenger. He said most of his friends don't call him Sonny. Skrillex said he didn't tell Gary to call him Sonny, he just introduced himself as Sonny. Howard said that gets confusing.
Skrillex asked if Howard is called anything else. Howard said people call him shit head and things like that. Skrillex asked if they call him Fartman. Howard said they don't. Howard told Skrillex about that deal he had for Fartman and how J.F. Lawton wrote the script for him. He said he got cold feet about doing that movie. Howard said he thought it was cool they wrote it. He said he regrets not doing the movie. He said that the movie could have been cool but he went off and wrote the book Private Parts and that became the movie.
Howard asked Skrillex how old he is. Skrillex said he's 26. Howard said there must be a lot of money in EDM. Skrillex said they sell tickets and the money isn't just coming from nowhere. He said there are people who want to come and see it. He said kids are connecting to it. Skrillex said it's really fun for him. He said if you don't experience it you may not understand what it's all about. He said that you feel energy in the room and you have to be there to get it.
Howard asked if there are a lot of drugs involved at the concerts. Skrillex said he thinks there are at every king of concert. He said that the concerts he plays now are more music oriented. Howard asked if he gets high before a show. Skrillex said he doesn't do drugs. He said he smokes a little bit. He said he has tried drugs but he doesn't do them. He said he doesn't condone smoking either but he does smoke a few a night. Howard said he smoked when he was young and he didn't know any better. Skrillex said it's kind of whack. Howard said that's the right word for it.
Howard asked Skrillex about dropping out of school and joining bands. Howard said that takes balls. Howard said he joined one band where he blew out his vocal chords. Skrillex said he did but he's able to sing now. He said that he can make music in so many ways that it doesn't matter.
Howard asked what it was like going out on his own after the metal band. He asked if he still talks to them. Skrillex said they're still in the band so they're all busy and don't stay in touch so much. Howard asked if he's in touch with his birth parents. He said he has met them and they are nice people. He said they keep in touch a little bit. Howard asked what they call him Skrillex or Sonny. He said they call him Sonny.
Howard asked about signing with a label and what label he was with. Skrillex said when he was in the metal band he was with Epitaph. He said they sold like 300,000 records in the mid 2000's. He said they toured the world and it was a great experience. He said that he was producing electronic music on the side and people started discovering him on the web. He said that some of his biggest songs are songs that were never released on radio. He said he has a very loyal fan base.
Howard said that's what some of these other bands have to look at doing. He said you have to put music out free and then just hope they like it and want to come to your concert. Skrillex said you just go with the flow instead of fighting things. Howard said Skrillex made the system work for him. He said he was trading music and things worked out for him.
Skrillex said that if people hear your stuff they will come to your show. He said they have bands that don't have a record deal and the fans are coming to see them. He said that they have such a live experience and that's what they're looking for.
Skrillex said that music over in the UK is so much different than it is here. He said they play all kinds of new music there and it's not like it is here in the States.
Howard asked about working with the Black Eyed Peas. Skrillex said that was a long time ago. He said he got paid to do remixes for them.
Howard asked Skrillex what he records into when he's writing songs. Skrillex said he does it into his laptop. Howard asked if he has words all the time. Skrillex said it can be but there are just drum bets and things like that too. He told Howard that he has jazz in his head now. He said that he saw this movie Whiplash and it was great and it inspired him. Howard asked what he's hearing in his head now. Skrillex said that he's hearing ''What's up with the youth, what's up with the youth...'' It was a Corey Feldman song that he performed on Howard's show years ago. Howard said he goes around singing that song to himself all the time.
Howard asked Skrillex about writing songs and if he grabs his laptop when he gets something in his head. Skrillex said that's when the phone comes in handy. He said he can do a voice note to himself.
Howard was about to play a song from Skrillex's album ''Recess'' which is out now. Howard asked if he thinks of him like an old fart. Skrillex said that Howard and Robin are like in a time capsule. He said they stand the test of time. Howard asked if he would want to go to Metallica and do a song for them to help them do something for the kids. He asked if he has to sign a contract to do that. Skrillex said that he doesn't do that. He said that he'll just do it and it will be a mutual thing. He said he'll get to play that song in his act too.
Skrillex told Howard he has to get this guy who goes up to women on the street and says ''Fuck her right in the pussy'' on the air. Howard said he's seen that guy. He said he should get him on. Howard said he should make a song with him.
Howard asked if the chicks he hangs with would think that he's too old to have sex with. Skrillex said it depends. He said he is fucking Howard Stern. Howard asked if he has older chicks or younger ones. Skrillex said that when he was younger he liked older girls. He said he has been touring since he was 16 so he's been hanging with older girls. He said that he didn't have 16 year olds hanging out with him then.
Howard said that Skrillex was dating this girl Ellie Goulding. He said that must be great because they're both making music. Skrillex said they had a great time but their schedules were crazy. He said they did get to spend some time together. He said that she came on tour with him for a little while but then she had her own tour. Howard said that has to be tough. Skrillex said that things are great for him right now. He said he's been so focused on making music that he doesn't do much else.
Howard played one of his songs from the new album. Skrillex said that this guy Diplo worked with him on this song. Skrillex said this song he's going to play is kind of weird. Howard played it and said he liked some parts of it a lot.
Howard said he might have to come to one of his shows and hang with the kids. Skrillex told him to come as Fartman and fly down to the stage. Howard asked if he digs Nine Inch Nails. Skrillex said sure he does.
Howard said he really likes that song. Howard said he digs it. Howard said if he didn't like it he'd throw him out. Howard said he lasted a lot longer with that than he did with a lot of other music. Howard asked about the girl who sang on the song with him, Kyza, and saw a picture of her. Howard said she's hot. Howard asked if he banged her. Skrillex said that he was into the music and he didn't think about doing that. Howard said his daughter is like that too. He said she's about his age and that's the way she thinks. Howard said all he thought about at that age was sex. Howard said he's much better man than he is. Robin said sometimes collaborating is like sex. Howard said that's bullshit.
Howard played a song off an album called ''Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites.'' Skrillex said that's an old one. Howard liked the song he played from that album too. Howard then made a sound like he was jerking off to Kyza. Howard said he's good. He said he's digging this stuff. He said he's going to buy this stuff. Skrillex said he appreciates that.
Howard said he wishes that he was adopted. He said he wishes his parents would tell him that today. Howard gave Skrillex some plugs for his album and Skrillex told him to come out and do his Fartman on New Year's Eve with him. Howard said that sounds like a fun New Year's.
Howard said Skrillex has introduced him to a whole new way of thinking about music. He said he likes what he's doing and said he likes everything about him. He said he's a good dude. Howard said he doesn't say that lightly. Skrillex said he likes Howard too. He said he liked hanging out with him. Howard said that they'll all go see Skrillex on New Year's eve. Skrillex said he really should do the Fartman thing. Howard said he almost lost his fingers doing that. Howard said he could have cut them off up there at MTV. Howard said he doesn't recommend it.
Howard asked if he's doing anything special on New Year's Eve. Skrillex said he has a lot of special guests coming that night. Howard asked if Kyza is coming. Skrillex said that he thinks she is going to come out. Howard wished him luck with the new record and all of that. Howard went to break after that. As they went to break Fred played a prank call Crackhead Bob made to a cab company trying to get a ride to Long Island. He also played a Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said he was looking at the story about how they want the Mexican president to resign over the 42 students who disappeared. Howard said he had no idea there was a president down there. He said he wondered who would want that job when the drug cartels are going to kill you if you don't do what they want you to do. Howard said it's the same in Afghanistan. Howard said you know that things are going to turn to shit once we leave there. Howard said they must get money or pussy or something.
Howard said he read a story over the weekend where Seinfeld said he has autism. Howard said he went on his show ''Comedian's in Cars Getting Coffee'' and he realized he drove around in a car with a guy who has autism. Robin said that Jerry does say he feels he's on the spectrum. Robin said it's a big interest to him.
Howard said his daughter was over this weekend and they were talking about that. Howard said he doesn't think he's autistic. Howard said if Jerry is autistic then he must be too. Howard said Michael Richards has said that he's ''full retard'' so there you go.
Howard played some audio of Jerry Seinfeld talking about being within the spectrum of being autistic. He was talking to Brian Williams about that. Howard said based on what he said then he's autistic too. Howard said people who have autistic kids would know. He said they're really off. Robin said that maybe Amanda Bynes is. Robin said she can't seem to be normal. Howard said he doesn't know much about her but they said that someone offered her a job in a bar. Howard said he's not sure he'd want her serving him a drink. Howard said maybe she shouldn't be around alcohol at all. Howard said that's some crazy shit.
Robin said the big story that caught her attention was that Phil Rudd from AC/DC was arrested for trying to have someone killed. Robin said they drooped one charge and kept one about threatening to murder someone. Robin said he could still get 7 years in prison for that. Howard said he's in AC/DC so maybe that should forgive everything. Robin said they'll have to see how this turns out. Robin read about some of the stuff she found out about Rudd reading about him this weekend. Robin told Howard about some of those things and talked about the prostitutes he used to get and what he'd do with them. Howard said he thinks this guy is just doing it for attention. He said he worked with the band and he knows just about everyone but the drummer's name. Howard said that he's the only one he doesn't know.
Robin read a story about how Dennis Rodman is taking credit for the release of the American's imprisoned in North Korea. Robin said that they were wondering why Kim Jong Un had a change of heart. Robin said that they say that Dennis claims that it's because he doesn't want to lose him as a friend that he released them.
Howard said it's the 25th anniversary of the Berlin wall falling. Howard said he would love to build a wall between him and Benjy. He and Robin spent a little time talking about the Berlin wall and what was going on with that.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about how great Martin Short was. Howard said people wrote in about the Swap Shop phony phone calls. Howard said people love Hanzi too. Howard read some of those emails and took a call from Hanzi. Hanzi said he told Howard he's a hit. Howard said it was just one letter, take it easy. Hanzi said he knows there are people who like him. He said there's a chick who wants to bang him too. He said she's on Twitter and she does body art. He said she doesn't show her face. Howard said that's a bad sign. Hanzi said she is willing to meet up. Howard said he should go out with Kyza. Hanzi said he's more of a hip hop head. Howard said he should be putting every ounce of effort into banging that chick. Hanzi said his parents said he could go to meet her. Howard asked where she lives. Hanzi said he doesn't know. He said she's willing to take his virginity.
Howard asked if he's worried about her face. Howard said he shouldn't be. He said he's had women ho had a great body but a terrible face. Hanzi said he doesn't care about the face. Howard said that's his boy. He played a song about Hanzi jerking off into his t-shirts. Hanzi said that's hilarious. Howard said he thought it was cute. Hanzi asked Howard about CM Punk again. Howard said he doesn't know about them and said he has to go. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said a lot of people love Tan Mom. He said they love hearing from President Obama too. Howard said someone wants him to sign up for 50 more years. He read through a bunch of other subjects he had in the email. Someone said they think Sal is the best. Howard said most of the email was positive except for some people going off on Pittsburgh Pete.
Robin read a story about how November is Transgender awareness month. Howard said he thinks people are growing moustaches for that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about a Transgender summit that happens this month. Howard said he likes Transgender. Howard said the guy has to work on his female voice a little more. Howard said this guy isn't even trying. Howard said you want to create the effect like you're a girl. Howard said he supports the Transgender movement but you have to work on the voice. Fred did his Herman Munster voice while they talked about that. Howard did a female voice too and asked if Robin felt like she was talking to a girl. Robin said no.
Robin said she has to give a shout out to Amazon.com for their show ''Transparent'' which is great. Robin said that she watched the whole thing and it's really great. She said that Jeffrey Tambor is great in it. Howard said he has long hair in it and he does look kind of like a woman. Howard said he played hank Kingsley too. Howard said he wants to watch that show. Robin said she binge watched it a few weeks ago and she can't wait for next season.
Howard asked if Robin is calling their Christmas party ''the Christmas party'' or the unveiling of JD's girlfriend. Robin asked if she's coming. Howard said she is.
Robin read a story about a hospital that brought back a person who had no pulse for 45 minutes. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about what she felt had gone on while she was out. Robin said they were going to call her time of death when her heart started beating again.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if Howard is interested in John Lennon's guitar. Howard said he's not sure he'd buy it but it would be cool if someone gave it to him. Howard said he's not sure how they authenticate it. Wheels said it's his cousin's and he's had it ever since. Howard said maybe John didn't like the guitar. Howard said you don't know.
Wheels asked Howard if he got stuck in an elevator who would he like to be stuck with. He told him to go think about that. Howard said he wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone. Fred did his impression of Benjy asking Howard how it feels being stuck. Howard said he knows that interview Benjy is going to do with Beth is going to be horrible. Howard told him to ask his first question. Benjy started giving him the run around and Howard said he knows that it's just not going to work. Benjy said he's going to have a real conversation with her. He said it will either work or it won't. Howard said what he really wants is Yoko's guitar, not John Lennon's. He played the bit he played earlier where they played her yelling with soft rock songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin sucks her own tits. Robin said she will be honest and say that she has but it felt weird. Howard asked if Robin was just being curious. Robin said she may have been fooling around with herself. Howard said he would love a picture of that. Howard said he really would love to see that. Robin said she only kissed one. Howard thanked her for being honest. The caller said just imagine Florentine sucking one and Robin sucking the other. Howard said he's sure that didn't happen. Robin said she had to crane her neck a little bit when she did it. Howard said he can hear the songs coming in about that now. He said they're done with the shit bucket and on to the sucking of the tits.
Robin read a story about the Navy Seal who claims to have killed Osama bin Laden and how he claims that he died like a pussy. Howard wondered if he was like Dick Cheney who wants to go to war but he's never been in a war. Howard said that's great that they say he was a big pussy at the end. Robin said that he was hiding behind a bunch of women. Howard said he's Mr. Brave.
Robin read about the final autopsy that came out about Robin Williams. Robin said they only found prescription drugs in his system and they were at therapeutic levels. Howard said they asked the widow about auto erotic asphyxiation. Robin said they ruled it a suicide. Robin said they found scratches on his wrist made from a pen knife too. Robin said they think it was related to a prescription drug reaction.
Howard asked Robin if her nipple was erect when she sucked it. Robin said it was already erect. Howard asked if she was aroused from masturbating. Robin said it was. Howard thanked her for being honest. Robin said she's going to kill Howard after this show is over.
Robin had some audio of President Bush talking about his dad because he just wrote a book about him. Robin said he thinks his dad was a great man of course. Howard said he should never comment on any other president past or present. Howard said we're still stuck in his mess. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the new congress we'll have coming. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what will be happening next year. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the changes too.
Robin read a story about an astronaut who is back on earth after being in the international space station. Robin had some audio of him talking about spending 165 days in space.
Robin asked Howard if he saw Interstellar over the weekend. Howard said it didn't even come in first. Robin said it was a close second. Robin said that Big Hero 6 made 56.2 million and Interstellar came in with $50 million. Howard said he doesn't know anything about that Disney movie. He said it's supposed to be a comic book but he's never heard of it.
Robin read about the GM ignition switch recall before it told the government about the recall. Robin said they have recalled 2.5 million vehicles so far. Robin said they've linked the ignition switch to 27 deaths. Robin said they may have known about it even earlier than they say they did.
Robin read about Bono talking about Taylor Swift taking her music off of Spotify. Robin said that Bono is willing to try different things with streaming music. Robin said there is a lot of controversy going on in the music industry.
Robin read about how people are talking about how we need to bring manufacturing back to the rural towns in the country. Robin said that this guy who runs Starbucks is talking about that. She had a clip of him commenting on that.
Robin said Pink Floyd is putting out what they're calling their final studio album. Robin said it's music recorded 20 years ago. Robin read about what they did to put this together using those old recordings. She had some examples of the new music.
Robin read a story about Andy Dick being accused of stealing a necklace. Robin said he was arrested and charged for stealing it and riding off on his bicycle. Robin said the cops were able to catch up to him Friday night. Robin said he posted his $25,000 bond on Saturday morning. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:00am.
Jon said Howard could have walked out but he stuck around and did the show. Jon said that it gives something for him to talk about for this first segment of the Wrap UP Show too. He said you don't want to set yourself up for Howard talking about you in that way though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if any of the guys are envious of Benjy for getting to talk to Beth. Jon said he thinks they are. He said Sal got to do that with her back at K-Rock. He said he's not sure where Benjy is going to go with that. He said he's not sure how much patience Howard and Beth are going to have for that. Jon said this could open Benjy up for something bad. He said it will be intriguing either way. He asked the caller if he thinks people are jealous. The caller said he thinks he would be. He said he thinks people are going to tune in to hear it since Howard never lets anyone do that. He said he thinks he's going to get a lot of flack for it even if it goes well.
Jon said that Benjy may not get through more than one question if Howard pulls the plug. Gary came in and said that Fred told Howard he should have a safe word for Beth. Gary said he thinks Benjy will be respectful. He said it could go to a weird place. Jon said it definitely could. Gary said Beth is going to answer honestly but he's sure Benjy will keep pushing and asking her how she really feels.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard freaks out about everything. Gary said Howard has walked the walk his whole life. He said he doesn't like putting weird shit in his body. He said he doesn't think you should take any pills you don't need. He said this is in line with the way he's always been. Jon said he was pissed and you can't blame him. Gary said he agrees. He said the smell really was permeating the whole room. He said it was bad. Jon said it was distracting for sure.
The caller said that he thinks that Skrillex is talentless and anyone can press a space bar and do what he does. Gary said that he explained the way he makes music and he wonders if the caller doesn't believe that. The caller said that he thinks he's talentless. He said this is why America has to stop making stupid people famous. Gary said maybe it's just music he doesn't understand. Gary said it's like Mitch Miller yelling about Rock and Roll. Jon said music is subjective. He said you can't call the guy talentless. He said he's won Grammys and people go see him play his music. He said he gets not liking the music but the guy isn't talentless.
Gary said if his son didn't DJ then he might be like this guy. He said that you do have to know what you're doing to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Gary didn't get mad and get fired for what happened this morning. Gary asked what happened that he thinks that he should be fired over. The caller said they have to get worked up over this. Gary said he couldn't have stopped it if he wasn't there this morning. Gary said now they have something in place that will stop it from happening again. The caller asked Jon if it was ever Gary's fault in the past. Jon said he thinks that Gary could have been on the hook for it and Howard could have fired him and it would have made things more exciting on the show. Gary asked if he wants him fired. The caller said that Benjy interviewing Beth is going to be boring. He said they need some excitement on the show.
Gary said this guy is shot out of a cannon. Jon said he was excited. He said he thought this morning was an opportunity for Gary to lose his job and that would be a great way for him to go. Gary said he thought he was saying that he could have fought harder. Jon said it was pretty intense this morning. He said Howard was really upset about that whole thing. He said it's great for the listeners.
Gary said that people say they love when Howard yells at him. He said that's like saying the favorite part of a fight is when you get punched in the face. He said he thinks that people would like to talk to people in the work place like Howard talks to him so it's like an outlet for people. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that these guys are like composers. He said they're making music in their head and playing things that they put together. He said he thinks they're amazing. He said to trash it and say it's crap is kind of silly to him. Gary said he thought the Ramones analogy was great. He said Skrillex was saying that everyone thought they sucked when they first came out but now everyone loves them. Gary said that the Ramones taught everyone that anyone can make music if you have the feeling. The caller said they're also arranging the music and making it. Gary said they have a few stations there that play that kind of stuff if you want to check it out.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that he was thrown off by what Howard was saying to him. Jon said he thinks he's a fan and he was just answering the questions honestly.
Jon said he has to move to the end of the show where a caller called in and asked Robin if she ever sucked her own breast. He said she said she has and you have to give her credit for that. Jon said that the shit pail has gone away and that's what people will be talking about now. Gary said he doesn't think a lot of women can get there but Robin can so why not try.
Jon got back to Skrillex and said that he found out he was adopted at 16. He said that he thinks he has a pretty good head on his shoulders after going through all of that. Gary said he knows a guy who found out about being adopted and his parents gave him the information he ended for his birth parents. He said the guy ripped it up and said that they were his real parents. Gary said generally when you find them they're not what you expect.
Jon said that he can understand why people would want to know how you were raised. Gary said he thinks that his friend was happy being raised the way he was so he wanted to just keep those parents as his parents.
Steve Brandano said that he felt that Howard was being honest about liking Skrillex's music. He said he would get into it when the loud bass would start in each song he said he liked. He said he thinks he likes the drop.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it seemed like Howard was losing interest in the end of the interview. He said that Skrillex can't perform like a Lady Gaga can. He said that he thinks that Howard was talking over his music and things like that. He said that he thought that Skrillex wanted Howard to let his music speak for itself. Gary said Howard talks over everyone's music. He said even when Smokey Robinson was in he was talking over it.
Jon said that Steve Brandano's name came up quite a bit this morning. He said that he's into a lot of types of music. Steve said that if it's new then he must like it. That's what Howard seems to think. Steve said he is into Skrillex but he felt that Gary was more into it than he was. Gary said he was very interested in hearing it. He said Steve does like new music though. Gary said he was psyched about the Kyza thing. He said he sent Jon that video link a couple of weeks ago.
Jon said that Corey Feldman came up today too. Gary said that song is a big hit in their world there on the show. They talked about that for a minute and then went to break.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Bernie Parent. He said he's a huge hockey fan. He said that team was a bunch of goons with talent. He said if you win then you're royalty. He said he was an incredible goalie and when he called in you hear that great accent. He said that's exactly what you want to hear from a goalie. Gary said that's what he would sound like if he was a character on SNL. Gary said they did a great documentary on those guys on HBO. He said they played hockey when it was really tough. Gary said you'd lose teeth and spit them out and then go back out there.
Jon said that Bernie called in to talk about his man boobs and how he always covered them up. Jon said he takes his shirt off at the beach. He said he feels it draws more attention if you don't take your shirt off. Gary said he doesn't take his off. He said if it's just him and his wife he might but he mostly keeps it on. Gary said he's not that embarrassed but he is embarrassed at other times. Jon said he has
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hated the interview because Robin and Howard kept interrupting the interview. He said that he wanted to hear what the doctor had to say and what Bernie had to say but they kept interrupting. Jon said that part of the show is Robin and Howard chiming in with their comments. Gary said that's just not their show. He said that they thought it was interesting that a legendary hockey player called in to talk about his bitch tits.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thought the interview was entertaining. He said Howard doesn't know anything about hockey but he thought it was a great interview. Gary said Howard isn't an enormous fan of hockey or EDM so it's interesting to hear those interviews. He said that Howard is doing a different kind of interview with people like that. He said it's not the same thing you hear everywhere. Gary said he can still see the smile on Mickey Mantle's face when he was interviewed by Howard. He said he thinks he felt it was very refreshing to be interviewed by Howard. He said Howard has a different take on that stuff.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Bernie about women. Then he took a call from a guy who said he was wondering about getting rid of the bitch tits and the underarm swing too. Gary said he thinks they did. The caller said he's interested in that.
Jon and Gary talked about going to the Golden Glove event on Friday for a minute. Jon took a call from a woman who said she was happy to hear Skrillex on the show. She said she liked hearing that he's not into drugs and stuff like that. She said that she has a son who is 15 and that's what she likes to hear. She was also saying that she hates when Benjy puts on that voice he puts on. She said that she doesn't want to hear him doing that interview with Beth next week. She said she'd rather hear Ronnie talking about sex.
Jon said if Benjy doesn't do a good job then it might end quickly. Gary said he thinks that Howard is opening a door that he won't be able to close. Jon said that Beth is going to be looking at Howard like she doesn't know what to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard won't be able to remain neutral with Benjy. He said he wonders if he'll let him go or will he step in. Gary said he thinks Howard will step in if it gets too odd and trippy. Lisa G said she hopes that Beth has a safe word to get out of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard has this aggression when he blows up and he wonders if that's the way it is off the air. He asked if they have to clear the air or do they just move on. Gary said he doesn't think Howard would do that off the air. He said that they all just let it slide for the most part. He said they just move on. Jon said they are like a family and everyone's family is like that. Jon said they throw each other under the bus to make good radio. Gary said he's been married for 22 years and with Howard and Robin for 30. He said it is like family.
Jon asked Lisa G what she had in the news headlines. Lisa ran down a few news headlines they had coming up today. She also got in a plug for Leiberman Live. They talked about the upcoming Christmas party and how JD's girlfriend is going to be there. They spent a minute on that and Jon got in a plug for Sternthology and then wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he had a better start to the show today. No chemical spray smell. Howard said he was very upset yesterday about that smell. He said Robin was right there with him. He said it's nice to have an ally when you're having a fit. Robin said noxious fumes are not a part of this job. Howard said that's why he loves Robin.
Howard said a lot of people say his fit wasted a lot of time. Robin asked if they were supposed to solve all of the world's problems. Howard read some of the email he got about his rant. Howard said some people were upset but there were others who had compassion. Howard said someone wrote that he made the person laugh for 35 minutes. Howard said someone wrote that he's a soldier to sit there through that. Robin said that he didn't abandon his post. Howard read an email he got about the inhalation of the can and how it's more about sniffing the fumes for a long period of time.
Howard said there are songs coming in about that whole thing too. He played one about breathing in the chemical spray. There was also a ''Croaking from Spray'' song parody. Howard said that one was from Psych. Robin said it's nice to hear songs about Howard. Howard told her not to worry because there are songs about her sucking her own tits. Howard played a few clips of Robin talking about sex stuff. Howard said Lisa G broke her neck trying to suck her own. Howard said good luck to her. Howard said Benjy's nipples are swollen today. He said they're irritated from that. Howard said he was thinking about Robin sucking her own tits. Howard said she started trending on Facebook and Benjy motorboated himself.
Howard said Robin can't motorboat herself, can she? Robin said no. Howard asked Robin what she was doing at the time. He said he wonders if she was doggy style at the time. Robin said she was not. She said she did have to crane her neck though. Howard said Jason, Jon Hein and JD can all do the same thing when they're on their backs. Howard said if Robin could lick her own vagina that would be an accomplishment. Howard said he can suck his own nose but that doesn't turn him on.
Howard played a new news intro for Robin about sucking her tits. He had a new song parody from Little Mikey about her doing that. Howard said Eli Braden went to town on her too. Howard played a song from Eli too. Howard played one more from Little Mikey about the sucking her own tits thing.
Howard said she gets the idea. Howard had another news bumper with Richard saying ''Robin licks her own jugs'' to some quick music.
Howard said they asked the Wack Packers about this. He played a clip of Tan Mom saying that she thinks it's great. Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult also commented. Howard said that she's not sure what she thinks. Howard played that clip and Wendy was saying she didn't know what to say. She was out getting socks or something. Howard said someone who is never busy is Riley Martin. Howard played Riley commenting on the suckling. Riley said he wishes it had been him. He said he could have made her feel a lot better.
Howard played a 21 gun salute to Robin sucking her own tits. Howard played a clip of Mariann from Brooklyn commenting on that too. Mariann said that you have to be really in love with yourself to do that. She said it's a narcissistic thing to do. Howard said that's an interesting take on that.
Howard said it's too bad Eric the Actor isn't alive to hear this. He said he's sure he would have called in about that. Howard and Fred did their Eric the Actor impressions talking about that.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who asked if Robin has medical clearance to have sex. Robin said she is medically clear to do that. Wolfie said it would be such a waste if she can't. Wolfie asked if she plans on having sex again. Robin said absolutely. Wolfie said that guy is going to be one lucky man. Robin laughed.
Howard said yesterday's show was very odd. He said he tantrumed for over a half hour over that. Howard said some of the people did like hearing that. Howard said today the engineering staff will be shining lasers at him today. He said he did light a candle yesterday. That didn't help that much. He said today they're back to Benjy's B.O. and Gary's breath. Howard said Benjy smells like cheese. Howard said Gary's breath smells like doody. He's not worried too much about that.
Howard said yesterday they announced that Benjy is going to be doing an interview with Beth. Howard said this caused an uproar. Howard said people were freaking out about it and saying that it's going to be boring. He said that the expectations are so low that he should be able to pull it off. Howard said Beth has gone missing though. Howard said Benjy wanted to sit in his chair to do the interview but he said he's not interested in skid marks on his chair.
Howard said Casey is hotter now than he was when he was alive. Howard said he's now counting down African ways to die. Howard asked if she thought AIDS was going to be number 1. Robin said she's surprised that Ebola is number 5.
Howard said yesterday they talked about how they're releasing the iPhone in Iran. Howard played a clip of what it might sound like when they use Siri over there.
Howard said Tan Mom was on C-Span. Howard played a bit they came up with where Tan Mom was talking about mentally ill kids and how it's okay to kill them when they're mentally ill. They had her yelling about Obama and how she's going to go out of this world tanning since she came into it tanning.
Howard took a call from Rich who said that Robin mentioned Taylor Swift and no one has mentioned her boob job. He said he saw her on Letterman and she has tits now. Howard said she was pretty flat. Robin said maybe she's using a push up bra. Rich said he thinks it's a boob job. Howard said he'd like to know why guys break up with her all the time. Howard said he doesn't mind a flat girl. He said he kind of digs it. He said they're so sensitive on their nipples. He said that turns him on. He said he's okay with small boobs.
Robin said that he's always saying that guys are always breaking up with her. Howard said it is a man's world. Howard said he's with Beth and look at Ronnie with his girlfriend. Robin asked if these guys are leaving because the girl is bad in bed or what.
Howard said that he's going to say this. He said he doesn't care how hot a girl is. He said he doesn't care if she's Angelina Jolie or whoever. Howard said if she's Kate Beckinsale it doesn't matter. Howard said you have to consider this before you marry her. Howard said if she's shitty in bed then head for the fucking hills. Robin said that's good advice. Howard said thanks to Robin. Robin agreed. Robin said that you can't be with someone who doesn't make you happy. Howard said you will get resentful. Howard said maybe he should be speaking at high schools. He spoke as if he were at a high school talking to the kids about when to leave a relationship.
Robin asked if men have an ego thing going on too. Howard said maybe they do. Howard was still doing the school assembly thing and talking to kids about when to leave these girls. Howard said if a girl is fun in bed then you marry her. Howard said he'd rather see a kid happy with someone good in bed. Howard said you can bang a hot chick but you marry the girl who is good in bed.
Howard was taking fake questions from kids at the assembly. Howard said someone asked how he got Beth being so ugly. Howard told the kid to fuck off.
Robin asked about the male ego. Howard said who knows. Robin said every good looking women can't be bad in bed but everyone of them has had a man leave them. Howard was still taking phony questions from the kids in the assembly. Howard had a kid asking him if it's okay to jizz in your t-shirt. Howard said he works with a guy who does that. He didn't want to give his name but he said his initials are JD.
Howard played a Yoko Ono Opera commercial parody. Howard said he and Robin are going to that. Robin said she wouldn't miss that.
Rich asked Howard if he heard about the Lennon Tribute going on downtown. Howard asked why he's bringing that up. Rich said it's John Lennon. Howard said there was no point to that. Howard said he had to go. He said that guy is usually good calling in but he should have stopped where he left off.
Howard said it's time for Black Friday or Terrorist. Howard said this game is a sound game where he plays a clip and the person has to guess if it's a sound from Black Friday or a terrorist attack. Howard said it's the caller's job to figure out which one it is. Howard asked if Carlos wanted a practice one. Carlos said sure. Howard played a clip of a crowd making noise and someone saying ''stay with me...'' Carlos said it was Black Friday. Howard said he's wrong. He said this was a terrorist attack. Howard asked Gary which attack this was. Gary said he doesn't but he'll talk to the guys. Gary said it was the Boston Bombing. Robin said she doesn't like this game.
Howard said that it's time to really play. He said Carlos has to get 2 out of 3 right. Howard played the next clip which was people screaming and a guy saying ''Whoa!'' Howard asked Carlos if that's Black Friday or a terrorist attack. Carlos said Black Friday and he was right.
Howard played the next clip which was the sound of people screaming again. Howard asked if it was Black Friday or a terrorist attack. Carlos said it was Black Friday. Howard asked if he's sure. Carlos said yes. Howard said he just won $500. Howard said that was Black Friday.
Howard said he's going to enjoy that Panasonic shaver. Robin said there's not much difference between the two. Howard played another couple of clips and said she's right. Black Friday sounded more dangerous in those clips.
Carlos asked Howard to replay the Juicy Brown Tits song parody again. Howard said he has to go to commercial anyway so he had Gary put it back up so he could play it. Howard put Carlos on hold so he could get his prize. Howard said he didn't see the song up yet. Howard asked if anyone had ''Juicy Brown Tits.'' Robin said she does. Howard said he knows. He finally got the song parody and played it as they were going to break.
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Howard said Joan went into this Endoscopy place and there were so many things wrong. Howard said they're supposed to weigh the person to know how much propofol to use. Howard said that they give him that when he goes for his colonoscopy. Howard said Joan wasn't weighed. Howard said they say she didn't sign up for her doctor to stick this thing down her throat to do a biopsy. Howard said the firs time was okay but then the second time it didn't work. Howard said it goes on and on in this article. Howard said someone took a cell phone picture of Joan and the person said that she may want the picture of her laying on the table. Howard said everything about this was wrong.
Howard said at least Joan died doing what she loved the most. He said she loved getting plastic surgery. Howard said there were a lot of screw ups with that operation. Howard said they say if they had a proper crash cart there she'd be alive. Robin said that's what they use when you go into cardiac arrest. Howard said that's due to years of nurse training that Robin knows that.
Robin said she read that article and it just made her angry. Howard said he knows because he had to do the eulogy and he hates giving eulogies. Howard said he really loved Joan. Howard said that she was such a special performer.
Howard said he watched some TV last night before he beat off. Howard said he watched The Walking Dead which was great. He said he watched some Homeland and then masturbated. He said he finished Homeland after that. Howard said they're into a plot line that's kind of driving him crazy. He said he liked where it was going before. He said he loves the show though. He said he's glad they got rid of Brody from last season. Howard said there wasn't one thing left to do with him.
Howard said Andy Cohen is dropping by today. Howard said that he has his own show and he has a book coming out.
Howard said they were trying to do some new bits with Ronnie and they asked him to do some accents in the bits. He said he has no acting ability at all. Howard said they were going to do a Ronnie's History bit where they have him going back to the 1800s since he's so old. Howard said they took him back to Ireland and he had to do an Irish accent. He said it's so bad it's worth playing. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was doing a horrible Irish accent. Robin was cracking up hearing it though.
Howard said they had Ronnie doing Shakespeare. That was an awful impression too. Robin said they should have him do an Indian bit too. Howard told the guys to do that.
Howard said that Psych did a song parody about Ronnie's age too. Howard played that song parody and then went to break. As they went to break they played a phony phone call from Crank Yankers where Kevin Nealon called a woman about a car she had for sale.
Howard came back and said that Andy Cohen is there. Howard said he just wrote a book (''The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year'') and he appreciates it very much. Andy came in and said this is like Christmas to him. He said he loves the show. Howard said he heard he loves the wrap UP Show too. Andy said he's very upset about Eric the Actor. He said the marathon they played was so great. He said he listened all weekend long to that. Andy said he never figured out what his family thought of his relationship with the show. He asked if they were for it or what. Howard said it was hard to figure that out. Howard said he got a letter from his parents after he died. Howard said it was very nice and lovely. He said he doesn't know if they were thrilled. Howard said that they did say that he got a notoriety that he craved. Robin said it may have been a love hate thing.
Andy asked if they heard from his parents during his life. Howard said they never did. Robin said they did know that they'd take a family vacation once a year and he wouldn't call in during that time. Andy asked if he had siblings. Howard said he thinks that Gary heard from his brother. Gary wasn't around to answer.
Howard was about to get into Andy's book when Gary showed up. Gary said he never did hear from a brother. Howard said he thought he had a brother who was a fire fighter. Benjy said he did and Eric was very excited when he got married. Andy said he loves that Eric the Actor thing Robin has in her booth.
Howard got back to Andy's book and said that Andy chronicled his life for a year. Howard said that you might wonder why you'd want to read that but Andy's life has gotten very exciting. Howard said he hangs out with a lot of celebrities. Howard said that he has hung out with a lot of these people but only once. Howard said they like Andy but they don't like him. Howard said that's so fucking true. Robin said that is not true.
Andy said that's part of the book. He said the other part is that it's behind the scenes of his show. He said if you want to know what goes on behind the scenes of a TV talk show then that's what the book is about.
Howard said he read that Andy had Lady Gaga on his show and she peed in the trash can in her dressing room. Howard said Andy talks about how they all share the same bathroom there. Howard said she may have wanted her privacy. Andy said she would have had to have gone through an office and she just went in the trash can. Howard said Andy took her urine. Andy said he had a P.A. take the urine and he wanted to save it. He said they save things like that there. He said they put her pee in a perfume bottle. Andy said that's a great piece of pop culture. Howard asked if they still have it. Andy said the P.A. told him that it was going to get toxic but they were going to turn it into perfume and stop it from turning toxic. He said the P.A. did that and they put it in a perfume bottle. He said he sprayed it on Johnny Knoxville when he was on the show. He said it smells kind of like dressed up pee with a floral note.
Howard said Andy was invited to some event where Malala Yousafzai was at and Lady Gaga was there. He said Andy barged right in and told Lady Gaga what they did with her pee. Andy said Malala was very confused.
Howard said Andy has a lot of celebrity friends. Howard said he's friends with everyone. Howard said Andy has a story about Madonna in the book. He said he thinks that she's going to be angry about that. Andy said he told Sarah Jessica about the book and some other people. He said he doesn't think he sold anyone out.
Howard said Andy wrote about this Christmas party he has every year. Andy said he invited Madonna to this party and she was at a party the year before when he and Anderson Cooper had a shared party. Howard said he wrote about what Madonna demanded when it came to champagne. Andy said he asked her what she wanted and she only wanted one type of champagne. Andy also wrote about how she was mouthing the words to her own song when it played at the party. Howard said that she's going to think that he betrayed her for writing this stuff. Andy said he didn't betray her. He said that he thinks she'll get it.
Howard said Andy wrote about the Howard Stern Show and the Birthday Bash show. Howard said Andy wrote about how fun that was and how it was better than the Golden Globes. Howard said he also wrote about how awful the gift bag was. Andy said that's not true. Andy said what he said is that he took a gift bag and gave Sandra Bernhard a drive home. He said on the way home he had her go through the bag and announce each item. He said they had all kinds of things in there and it was great. He said he had the best time at that event.
Howard said Andy talked about a couple of things that went on at the party. He said he shared a vape pen with Whoopi. Andy said no. He said that Whoopi gave him a vape pen when she was on his show. He said he indulged in that. Howard asked if he's happy that he can carry around marijuana now in New York City. Andy said he is. He joked that he had some on him now.
Howard asked if Andy smoked at the party. Andy said he didn't. He said that he wouldn't do that in public. Andy said the Vape pens are much more gentle though and he can do that. Howard asked where he buys weed. Andy said he has friend with delivery services. He said he can just stumble upon it.
Robin asked Andy about what the vape pen uses in it. Andy said it has hash oil in it. He said it's very gentle. Andy said he was sitting under the Wack Pack and he realized if there was a show that he was in the realm of it would be Howard's. He said that the housewives are his Wack Pack. Howard said he's thought that about his show. Andy said he can have them on a few days a week and then the other celebrity guests on. He said he can do anything with them just like Howard does with his Wack Pack. Howard said Andy wrote about how great it was staring at Ryan Phillippe's ass. Andy said that it was.
Howard said that Andy is on Tinder too and he thinks that's kind of dangerous. Andy said he thinks he's a pretty good judge of that. He said there are filters that ensure that it's not dangerous. Howard asked if he goes on Tinder to find guys to fuck. Andy said that Tinder for straight people is more of a fuck thing. Andy said that he will typically talk to someone for a bit in the app. He said if he wants to meet them then he'll meet them for a drink. Howard asked if he pays for the drink. Andy said it depends on who gets there first.
Howard asked Andy if he is a power top. Andy said everyone asks him that. Robin asked what that is. Howard said that's a guy who takes the other guy with force. Andy said that's the way Robin's ass was taken in San Francisco.
Howard asked Andy if he has slept with anyone he's met on Tinder. Andy said he has. Andy said it all depends on the vibe. He said if he's on a date and it's going really well and he thinks the guy is a contender then he won't sleep with them. He said if he's with someone who he just wants to sleep with then he'll do that. Howard said that sounds dangerous to him. Andy said he thinks he's a good judge of character. Howard asked what he would do if he wanted to do him. Andy said that Howard is tall and he thinks he needs to have a monster shlong but he doesn't need that. Andy said he will be a bottom at times.
Howard said Andy describes in the book that he's close to Jerry Seinfeld and his wife. Andy said he is. He said that the book is a day in day diary. Howard asked Andy if he is there often. Andy said he went to their daughter's Bat Mitzvah. He said his relationship revolves mainly around food. He said they love food and so does he. He said he talks about the food at the Bat Mitzvah. Howard asked what was so great about it. Andy said it was great, Jewy food. He said it's like Barney Greengrass food. He said it was great. Andy said that was interesting to him and it didn't betray some deep thing. Howard asked if he thought that maybe he was going too far at times. Andy said he wrote a blog about their shows at Bravo and he screwed up a couple of times. He said he felt the repercussions over that. Howard asked what he screwed up. Andy said he would let out too many details. He said his goal in the book wasn't to sell anyone out. Howard asked if Andy knew that Jerry Seinfeld thinks that he's autistic. Andy said he wasn't aware of that.
Howard said it's kind of fun to see this side of someone's life. Andy said he's going out to these parties and he thinks that sharing the stories is great.
Howard said Andy was on Jay Leno's Tonight Show and he was reading off cue cards the whole time he was talking to him. Andy said he interacts with every late night show host in his book. He said Leno is interesting when he comes to the green room to talk to him. He said it's without cue cards and all of that. He said then he goes out and it's all cue cards. Andy said he turned the tables on Jay and asked him about his relationship with Letterman. He said that's when they came out with the story about him talking to Dave often on the phone.
Howard said Andy also talks about Letterman in the book. He said he's never been invited back. Andy said he felt like he pissed Dave off or something. Andy said that Dave asked about the alcohol consumed on his show and how much that is. Andy said he was talking about Dave's alcohol problems and Dave was saying he was a mean drunk. Andy said he said something to Dave about how he was going to give him a chip when he leaves. He said it was a throwaway comment and Dave turned to him and asked if they were done. He said it was just weird. Howard said this is very interesting to him. He said with Dave you're trying to be loose and outrageous and you try to please the guy. Howard said there are times when you think you lost him. He said you don't even know why. Andy said the segment producer came over and said it wasn't as bad as he thought. Andy said he didn't think it was that awful. Andy said he hasn't been invited back and he doesn't think he's welcome there.
Howard said Andy has become close to Jimmy Fallon and his wife. Howard asked if they get together often. Andy said they do when they're free. He said they do like to hang out. Howard said he finds Jimmy hard to get together with. Andy said he is very busy. Andy said Jimmy always has a lot of house guests. He said they're fun and great. He said his wife is amazing.
Howard said Andy is also close to John Mayer. Howard said he goes to his ranch out in Montana. Andy said he was there for a weekend. He said John has said to him that he should come out there a few times. Andy said he doesn't always take people up on their offers. He said at the time he had the offer and he had 10 days off so he thought about coming. Andy said he's a great house guest too. He said the time he planned to be there was exactly 48 hours. He said he had an end time and it was fast. He said he wanted it to be clean. He said he had a lot of shit to do because he was writing his book. He said he just wanted to work on his book. Howard said that is a good house guest. Howard said when he has people over they wanted to sit around and talk a lot. Howard said they should go fuck off somewhere and talk at dinner. Howard said he's going to invite Andy over. He said he sounds like a great guest. Howard said he doesn't mind having people over but they don't have to be around him all the time.
Howard asked Andy to help him out. He said he was invited to hang out with Joe Perry up in Vermont. He said he's not the type to hang out at people's homes. Howard said Andy likes doing that. Howard said Andy went to John Mayer's house so he asked if that was awkward. Andy said John picked him up at the airport in a truck. He said he went by himself. Andy said that they went to his house and it was like 45 minutes away. He said they had to stop at the store on the way home. He said John showed him around and then went and did his thing. He said that he went and worked for a couple of hours. He said he took a nap and things like that.
Howard said Andy says that it was hot when John would cook him breakfast. Andy said he loved that. Howard asked if he ever thought that maybe he should make a move. Andy said he never did. He said that's not what he wanted to do.
Howard asked Andy about John Mayer telling him that Katy Perry was too bushy down there. Andy said that isn't in the book. Howard said Andy told him about it though. Howard asked if he writes that in his diary. Andy said that he would be too freaked out to write that in there. He said he's freaked out by the cloud and all of that. Howard said Perez Hilton claimed to have made out with John Mayer. He asked if he thought about that. Andy said he didn't. Andy said that Perez stuck a finger up Benjy's ass. Howard asked if he would date Perez. Andy said he thinks that it's too same-same. He said it's just too much.
Howard said that Andy and John went to Barbra Streissand's house. Andy said that's not right either. He said that John had told him about recording a song with her and he was telling him about her like he'd never heard of her. Andy said that's what the story was about.
Howard asked Andy to tell him about Brazil. Howard said he wrote this book called ''The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year'' and it's got some great stories in it about celebrities. Howard said that he wrote about Monica Lewinsky showing up at a party he had. Andy said he met her thought Anderson Cooper's partner. Howard said he is very close with Anderson. Andy said he is. He said he's known him for about 20 years. Howard asked if there was anything to learn about Monica. Andy said she lost a lot of weight. Howard asked if she should lose more. Andy said she looks pretty great. He said he didn't see her body up close though. Howard asked if he can bring up the Clinton thing with her. Andy said that he was an intern for someone and they told Monica about that and she'll say ''Oh, I was an intern too!'' so she has a good attitude about that.
Howard said that he was at Jerry's house once and Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts were there and they looked like they were terrified of him. Howard said they were dancing and Naomi ran out of the room. Howard said that's kind of a bummer because he's a big fan of Liev's. Howard said he doesn't know them though.
Howard said that Andy wrote about going to a kill shelter to rescue a dog. Andy said Beth helped him out with that and he really appreciates that. Howard said she gets these emails from people all the time about that. Howard said she loves that she's inspired people. Andy said he found this dog online and he saw this picture and went nuts. He said the dog is great. He said the dog is 45 pounds and he's great. Howard said he thought he'd have a little dog. Andy said he is so in love with this dog. He said he wrote about that in the book too. He said that it's a love story that plays out throughout the book.
Howard asked what the name of the dog is. Andy said it's named Wacha. He said he's named after a baseball player on the St. Louis Cardinals. Andy said that if there are any baseball players out there interested in him then please call him. Howard said he wants someone who can crack a walnut with his ass. Andy said he's right. Howard said the entire NY Yankees just rushed to the phone.
Howard asked Andy about going to Brazil with his buddies Anderson Cooper and others. Andy likes going there because he's anonymous. Howard asked what he wears out there. Andy said he can wear shorts. Howard said Sam Champion wears a thong. Howard said he knows that's true because he's friends with him. Andy said they walked into a gay bar in Rio and they ran into Sam Champion there. Howard said that he can see Andy and Sam wrestling together. Howard said he's a nice guy. Andy said he is but he's not his type.
Howard said Andy set Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy up on his show. Andy said they were both on the show and he told Donnie that they had great chemistry and he should call her. Andy said she gave him her number and there you go. Andy said there was talk about him officiating their wedding. Andy said he married a couple on his how so he has the paperwork to do that. He said he married one couple and he treated it very seriously.
Howard said Andy says he never shits at work. Howard said he's the same way. Andy said that they were doing their 500th episode and he said that he doesn't poop at work. Howard asked how they control that. Andy said you can control that. He said the day he had to go was the day they had breakfast for dinner. He said it was their 500th episode and he had Gloria Estefan and someone else on the show. Andy said he didn't know what to do. He said Gloria was going to teach him a dance move and a shart would have rendered that unsexy. Andy said it was a funny story. Howard asked if he has ever shit and wiped and then it keeps running down his leg. Andy said that has never happened. He said he had another story about interviewing the cast of Downton Abbey and he felt he had to puke. He said he went and did that and then he had to go out and talk to them. Andy said people thought he was high out there after that.
Howard said he sees that Andy indulges in Molly. Andy said he has tried it. He said Molly is the purest form of ecstasy. He said he has done the Molly thing and it's a pretty great high. Howard asked where he was when he did that. Andy said he was at a party. Howard asked if he became touchy feely. Andy said you can. He said it's very dangerous to try but it is pretty great. Howard asked if there were famous people there. Andy said it was just old friends. Howard asked if he got touchy feely. Andy said it's more about music, dancing and fun. Howard said he heard a story from a guy who was touching a woman's breasts but not in a sexual way. Howard said he wondered how that's not sexual though.
Howard said he likes this book. He said it's fun. Andy said it's nothing but fun. Howard gave Andy a plug for the book and for the book tour he has coming up. Andy said you can go to TheAndyCohenDiaries.com for more information.
Howard said they have an except from Andy's book on HowardStern.com. Andy said he did the audio book and that was a nightmare. He said he hated that. Andy said he gave it his all but he hated it. Howard said he thought about doing something with his book where he would have his parents read their lines from the book. Then he had second thoughts and never put the audio book out.
Andy asked Howard if he's ever going to do his show to promote AGT. Howard said he doesn't care about promoting that. Andy asked if he's doing another season. Howard said he's not sure yet. He said they're in town this week so he's going to decide this week. Andy asked if Howard has ever been offered a show at 12:30 or 11:30 at night. Howard said he has been asked to do something but he won't say who. He said he has some great offers to do some things.
Andy said he was at the Joan Rivers funeral and he heard Howard's eulogy. He said he and Joan were pitching a show called ''What's Your Problem'' with Joan as a judge where people would come with their problems and they'd talk it out. Andy said they were pitching it out and then Joan passed. He said he loved Joan and he loved the marathon of episodes of her stuff they played on Howard's channel. Howard and Andy talked about some of the other things at the funeral that they were impressed by.
Howard gave Andy some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. He had a thing with Sarah Silverman that he's doing. Andy said that Rashida Jones is interviewing him for his book tour. Howard told Andy that he can go pee in the green room if he wants to. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a Da Ali G Show bit where Ali G got confused about Veterans and Veterinarians.
Howard came back and said that John could win America's Got talent. Howard said this song is beautiful. Howard said just listen to it. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said he can really wail on that guitar. Howard sang along and Robin asked what he was doing. Howard said he was harmonizing. He said he felt like Yoko Ono.
Howard played a prank call the guys had Jeff the Drunk make to a radio show about how he jerked off in the voting booth when he voted. Howard said that guy had to explain to them what a prank call was.
Howard said Megyn Kelly is looking really hot on FOX News. Howard said she said fuck on air the other day. Howard played the clip where she almost said ''Fuckabee'' instead of Huckabee.
Howard said Paris Hilton dedicated her 17th fragrance to her fans. Howard said she does it in a monotone. Howard said you'd think she was Madonna or something. Howard played the clip and Paris was talking about how you feel when you put this fragrance on. She said it was inspired by her fans and she loves them so much. Howard said he's a fan so he feels that was to him. Howard asked what that affect is on her voice. Howard said that she acts like she's royalty. Howard said she has no clue that she comes off that way.
Howard said before the commercial Robin asked him about Ronnie's accents. Howard said Robin suggested an Italian voice so they did that. Howard played the clip for Robin. Ronnie's Italian accent wasn't very good. Howard said that they still have to get him to do an Indian accent.
Howard took a call from Hanzi and Fred played him in with a song parody about jerking off into his shirts. Howard said that's a good one about his habit of cumming into a shirt and looking at the shape of it to see what country it looks like. Howard said Mountain Dew has some out with a flavor that imitates Doritos. Howard said Hanzi must drink that. Hanzi said he drinks Sprite. Howard said Honey BooBoo is happy about that news. He said they canceled her show but he's sure she likes to drink that stuff.
Howard asked Hanzi what he could do for him. Hanzi said that he threw him off and now he forgot what he was going to say. Howard asked if it's his fault. Hanzi said now he remembers. He said he sent the show a picture of the chick who wants to bang him. Gary said he's not sure because no one has seen it. Gary said they have a lot of email that comes to that email. Hanzi said he sent it over Twitter to his RobertABooey account. Gary said he thought he emailed it.
Howard said he likes how Gary calls him ''Hanz''. Gary said he doesn't have it so he's not sure what he wants from him. Howard said Gary doesn't even know the name of his own Twitter account. Gary said he thought he emailed it to them at the show. Howard told him to calm down. Gary said he's looking his account and he doesn't see anything in the Direct Messages. Howard told Gary to calm down. He wondered if this is how Gary is handling the guests. Gary said he's not. Howard played a meditation clip to calm him down.
Howard said Hanzi sent Gary something to his account. Gary said he just tagged him in it. He said he didn't know how he would know it's Hanzi. Howard said he should use his email. Gary said he'll give it to him. Hanzi said he thought he would check his Twitter.
Howard told Hanzi to send him the picture. He asked if they can see her face. Hanzi said you don't see her face. He said she does body art so you just see below the neck. He said she's a web cam girl who does this stuff. Howard said he'd bang her if he were Hanzi. Hanzi said she doesn't have any money to get up to BC. Hanzi said she lives in California. Howard said he should walk to California. Howard said that if you have a chick who wants to bang you then you get out there.
Howard said that this chick's picture is hot. He said she's got a great ass. Howard said this can't be real. Howard read a note from this girl where she said everyone is so mean to him and this was a gift to him. Howard said that this chick is way out of his league. Hanzi said he doesn't care. Howard told him to go visit her. Howard said if he can get her then go do it. Hanzi said he doesn't know how he's going to do this. Hanzi said she says she'll take his virginity.
Howard said that this chick is being put up to it or someone is going to get him to show up and he's going to get beat up. Howard asked JD if he has seen this girl. JD said he saw the pictures. He said she's got a nice ass. JD said there is a web site where you can shop soon. Howard said he has no idea what JD is saying or what Hanzi is saying.
Hanzi asked if he has ever slept with Stephanie McMahon. Howard said he doesn't even know her. Hanzi said he does too. Howard asked how. Hanzi said she's in the secret society. Howard said he really has to go because this is getting weird. Hanzi told him to hang on. Howard spent another few seconds with him but then let him go and played him out with a song parody about him.
Howard said he was watching the EMAs and one of the hosts is listening to someone in her ear piece. He said she gets very confused by it. Howard said he has that on AGT at times. He said this girl just gets thrown. Howard played a clip of the girl talking about voting on the show and then she changes subjects a couple of times. Howard said they give these jobs to anyone. He said that he went around the country trying to learn to do radio. He said that he's glad that she's showing that it's harder than it looks. Howard said she's having the hardest time with that. Howard said he felt much better after seeing that. Howard said that shit doesn't throw him. Howard said that's some good TV right there.
Howard took a call from a woman who wasn't there. Howard quickly moved on and said on the Wrap Up Show they had a caller who was very upset about Benjy interviewing his wife next week. Howard said he thought it was a terrible idea. Howard played the clip of the woman talking about how she can't stand Benjy when he puts on that low voice.
Howard said a lot of people wrote him in the email about that. Howard said he thought it would be interesting. He said it should be a disaster and it will be entertaining. Howard said Benjy is so boring. Benjy said he is not. He said Howard is being boring. He said Howard is labeling him. He said Howard is the one being shticky. Howard said he has a career and a talent though. He said they'll see how it goes next week.
Howard said Benjy is being boring now. Benjy said that's so silly. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks it's going to be a train wreck because it's impossible for Benjy to have a normal conversation there. Benjy said he has normal conversations all the time. He said he wants to have a competition with Fred. Fred said he's not interested in a pseudo duel. He said that he's looking for shtick all the time.
Howard said he's not going to interrupt Benjy next week. He said he thinks it will be a disaster. Fred said it may not even be because of Benjy. He said it's the environment.
Benjy had a question for Robin about her sucking her own boob. Howard asked how she felt when she put her boob in her mouth. Benjy asked Robin if she was embarrassed about that. Robin said she thought about how she was going to feel revealing that. She said it doesn't really fit into her image. Robin said that's how she felt. Robin said there is no argument about why she did it.
Howard told Benjy to save it for Beth. Robin said Benjy drills into it like a tooth that's already dead. Howard wondered how long he should let the Beth interview go. Robin said that Howard is letting it happen. Benjy said Howard is such a bullshitter. Howard said he gets so worked up over it. He said he starts yelling. He said he's angry now. Benjy said he is.
Benjy asked what the right way to talk is. Howard said Benjy gets very shrill and loud when he talks. He said he gets into this thing like he just did with Robin. He said he can't let go of a certain thought. Fred said after the second time he stops listening. He said Benjy puts his personal agenda into the whole thing. Benjy said that Robin said she has an image and he wondered what's involved with that. He said he can get to Robin. Howard played a song parody about Benjy's vortex.
Howard moved on and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said that Beth is going to be at Bookends in New Jersey. Mariann said she can't wait for that. She asked if she's appearing anywhere in New York. Howard said she will be there next week to talk about all of that and be subjected to an interview with Benjy.
Mariann asked Howard how Beth feels when Howard goes home and he's in a bad mood. Howard said she left yesterday. He said she went shopping. Howard said when he's in a bad mood you have to clear the deck. He said that felt good being on his own.
Mariann said that they have more kittens and one is named Ringo. Howard said Beth wrote this book (Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens) and this cat they brought in, Yoda, was supposed to die from a heart condition. Howard said he takes care of the kittens they foster. Howard said he gets into a depression when they take them away. Howard said they were done with cats but then Yoda went into a depression. He said they got 4 more kittens. Howard said that you have to be a cat lover to follow Beth but she puts up a ton of pictures on her Instagram. Howard said that the kittens are beautiful but he needs a break.
Mariann said that the only time she cheats on Howard is when she looks at the kittens on Instagram. She stared to yell so Howard hung up on her.
Howard said he hopes the interview with Beth and Benjy goes well. Robin said she doesn't have much hope if it goes the way it just went with her a few minutes ago.
Howard had to take a break after that. As they went to break they played a prank call Captain Janks made to a news program asking one of the hosts if she would bang Howard Stern.
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Howard came back and asked how they got that sound on the bass in that Van Halen song. Fred said it was probably a synthesizer. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said he's reading about some dude who has to pay his wife $995 million in a divorce. Robin said she was going to bring that up. Robin said that they were married for 26 years and they went to court to fight this thing out and the judge awarded her close to a billion. Robin said the lawyer isn't happy with that. He thinks it should be more. Robin said she'd be happy getting close to a billion.
Howard said it was time for Robin's news so he had Fred play her in with a song parody. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks before Robin started. King said he thinks that Benjy could be good in the interview thing. He said he'd like to do 5 questions and then get out. Howard said this was Benjy's idea so he's going to give him a shot. Howard said it could be good. Howard said Benjy does seem a bit shot out of a cannon when he does his interviews. Howard said King doesn't listen to the answers so he's not sure how he'd be. King said that Benjy is going to rush to the next question. Benjy said he loves to hear what people think in a conversation.
Howard asked King if he has a question for Benjy to ask. King said he should ask her about what her view on marriage is. Howard said he's glad he's going with Benjy on this. Benjy said he has to write that down. King said he has to ask a question that's ordinary but then you hit her with something hard. Howard played a theme song for King while he was still on the line.
Howard said he wanted to ask the King what he thought of Robin sucking on her own boob but he had to hang up on him when he started talking over his own theme song.
Howard said he would just go with his own gut if he were Benjy. He said he's going to give him time to do his own thing that day.
Benjy asked Howard if he's a better interviewer than he used to be. Howard said he's not sure. He said he thinks he was good back in Hartford.
Howard asked Robin what was in the news. Robin said she has some tape for him this morning. Robin said when you're in the subway you are a captive audience. Robin said 4 people are under arrest after a brawl broke out on the F-train this weekend. Robin said she has some audio of a woman taunting a guy about his leather jacket and then a fright breaks out. Robin said the woman shoves the man and then the man slaps the woman. Robin said then a big brawl broke out. Robin said that this stuff happens just accidentally rubbing someone the wrong way. Fred said it sounds like they were just having fun goofing on the guy. Fred had some details that he saw in the video. Robin wanted more of the audio but JD mumbled something over his microphone. Howard said he played all he gave him. JD said he gave it to Scott to put it up. He said it's being done now. Howard said it's too late now. Howard had the tape a few seconds later. The clip goes on and you can hear people screaming and slapping. Howard said that should be the ad for Uber. Howard said it brings him back to his youth. He said that sound of people yelling is what was around him all day long. Howard said he'd go from person to person and hear that all the time. He said there were always crowds watching. He said it brings back bad memories.
Gary came in and said that there were women in his high school who looked like men that would punch guys. Gary said this fight took up the whole subway car. He said it went from one end to the other. He said it was almost impossible not to be involved. Gary said in the middle of the whole thing some guy gets in front of the camera and just makes a face and sound. Fred said that was pretty funny.
Howard said he used to speak that way when he was a kid. He said he'd comment on the fights like they do. Howard did an impression of how he used to talk when he was living in Roosevelt. Gary said when you hear that noise it's like they're telling you to hit even harder and fight more. Howard said after all of that he'd go to camp with white people and his parents would wonder why he didn't want to come back. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the singer of The Cranberries, Dolores O'Riordan, had a problem on an airliner. Howard said he has seen that chick before singing that song Zombie. Howard asked if they have had another hit song. Robin said she thinks they had a couple of hits around the same time. Howard said he doesn't think so. Gary said they had that song ''Linger'' too. Howard said he forgot that one. He said that was good too. Fred played some of that for Howard. Howard said he got a note saying that ''Dream'' is their best song. Howard said he has to hear that next. Robin said you wouldn't think that she'd get angry after hearing her sing like that. Howard said he can see it. He said she does sound angry singing ''Zombie.'' Howard said she's pretty good looking too. He said she is blonde now but she used to have dark hair. He said she's all angry like Sinead O'Connor.
Howard asked Fred what Dreams sounds like. Fred played that too and Howard remembered that. Fred said he thinks that's a little more famous. Howard said he thinks he only has Zombie downloaded. Fred threw in Benjy's scream as the song was playing. Howard said they have the longest intros on their songs. He said this is a good song too. Robin said they had a bunch and then they just disappeared. Fred played some Yoko singing over that song too. Howard said she goes berserk when she hears The Cranberries. Robin read about what happened to the lead singer on a flight she was on. Robin said she stomped on the foot of a flight attendant and may have broken it. Robin said they closed the curtains on First Class while they were getting her under control. Robin said she head butted and spat on the arresting officer. Howard said she's very political. Howard said she's a free spirit. Howard wondered what she got so upset about. Robin said it's not clear why she got so upset.
Robin read about Mick Jagger trying to get insurance money for the death of his girlfriend. Howard said what they do is take out an insurance policy when they go on tour just in case something big happens. Howard said in this case they had to cancel dates because they had to stop the tour because Mick's girlfriend killed herself. Robin said they're arguing all kinds of things. Robin said they're saying that this was self inflicted and it could have been avoided. Robin said Mick is 71 years old and they could say that he was too stressed out and they should be paid the $13 million they're owed.
Robin read a story about Elliot Spitzer's dad who was a wealthy real estate tycoon and he left him more money than his other kids. Howard said his dad must have known that he wouldn't be able to support himself. Howard said maybe he thought he needed the money for escorts. Howard said the guy was paying for sex. Howard said he can't even get chicks. Howard said the guy is a loser and the dad must have known. Robin said each of the kids got 10 percent of the estate but then Elliot got $6 million more. Howard said the guy is an asshole and his dad knew it.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius and how he's being put in jail over his crime. Robin said they say he could get out early and go on house arrest. Robin said they can't put an ankle bracelet on him though. Robin said he may have to stay in jail because of that. Howard said maybe they can strap the bracelet on his torso or something. Robin said they don't know what they're going to do with it if he is let out. Howard said the guy killed this girl so let him do some time.
Robin read a story about George Takei and Brad. Robin said that they've been married for 6 years now. Robin said they just received the Vanguard award from the Los Angeles LGBT community.
Howard said he'd love to know who the publicist is that thought that Jimmy Page should do a town hall there but not come on their show. Howard said it's like asking if you want to put an ad in the Penny Saver or on the Super Bowl. He said they chose the Penny Saver... no offense.
Robin read a story about Nicki Minaj and a music video she has out with Nazis in it. Howard said he saw that. He said they're glorifying that whole thing but it's not the Nazi image. It's her initials NM. Robin said they do look similar and they're saying that it's a new low for Nazi symbolism in pop culture. Howard said it's one thing if you're goofing on Nazis. He said he doesn't know about this. He said that he's so shallow that he didn't notice. He said he was just staring at her. He said her music is awful but he doesn't mind looking at her. Howard said that he would rather hear fingernails on a chalkboard than hear her music. Robin said she may not have even known what the video was about. Howard said it was probably the director. Howard said that she probably just thought it was cool looking. Howard said she has to take full responsibility for that though. Howard said you can tell she's not too bright. He said that she must not have known what the video was about.
Robin read a story about a case in California where a former Oakland Raiders player is charged with four murders. Robin said that they are not seeking the death penalty for this guy.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was going to try to get him to dissuade him from letting Benjy do the interview. Howard said he won't let it go on all morning. He said he will stop it if it's not going well. The caller said that he could have 3 X's like on AGT and if it's not going well then they can stop it. Benjy said that would make a bit out of it. Robin asked if he thinks that's wrong. Benjy said he doesn't want it to be a bit. Howard said it is a bit. Benjy said he'll do whatever he wants him to do but this is a bit. Howard said he's not going to do that then. The caller asked when they're doing that. Howard said he thinks it's on Tuesday but don't quote him.
Benjy asked if the caller really cares that much. She said she loves Howard. Howard said the caller is worried that it's going to scare people off from buying Beth's book. Howard thanked the caller for her call. He let her go after that. Howard got in some plugs for tonight's shows on Howard 101. Howard said that Riley is going to take them back to his first abduction today at 4pm on Howard 101. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about this guy in the Mormon church Joseph Smith had over 40 wives. Robin had some details about why he did that according to the Mormon church. Howard said Fred must be drinking a lot of water. He said he just went to pish again. Benjy said he doesn't know if he's pissing or recording something. He said he may be recording. Robin said he goes to the bathroom.
Robin read about Veteran's Day which is today. Robin read about some of the events going on today for that. Robin asked Howard if he knows who America's favorite veteran is. Howard said it must be Robin. Howard said that she was praised by Obama this week. Howard played the bit he played earlier this morning.
Howard asked Fred if he's drinking a lot of water when he came back in. Fred said that he only went twice today.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man and Fred did an impression of him while his theme song was playing. Robin asked who the favorite veteran is. Speech said it's Speech Impediment Man. Robin said it's Audie Murphy. Robin said he topped the national poll of 5,000 voters. Howard said he doesn't remember him. Robin said that he was all over TV when they were kids.
Howard asked Speech what he had to ask. Speech was asking if he's afraid that Benjy is going to get into Beth's head and discover something bad. Howard said he's afraid of that. Speech said maybe she's a secret lesbian. Howard tanked him for the call. They played him out with his theme song but Howard cut it off saying he didn't want to hear it.
Howard said maybe they can just play his song and not listen to him. Speech brought up the show Gotham and Howard said he loves that show. He said that Jada Pinkett Smith is hot. He said she is in some shape. Howard said she over acts a little bit in her role though. Speech asked if they're looking for more Wack Packers. Fred said she's only 43. Howard said she's in good shape. Speech asked why they're still picking new Wack Packers. Howard said he has to go. He hung up on Speech.
Robin said that the New York City cops are going to stop arresting people for small amounts of pot. Robin said anything under 25 grams is only going to be a ticket from now on. Howard said he thinks that's terrific. Robin said if you have outstanding warrants then you could be arrested but most of the time it won't be an arrest. Howard said he thinks this is good. He said he thinks about Tommy Chong doing a year in jail for selling bongs. Howard said that's so wrong. Howard said he would love to know what happened there. He said it doesn't make any sense to him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how they're saying that pot smoking could shrink brains. Robin said they found that people who regularly smoke could have a smaller front cortex. Howard said he believes that. Howard said he thinks that people should be allowed to smoke but he can't say it's good for you. Robin read more about the study and told Howard about some of the things they found.
Robin read a story about the Joan Rivers operation and talked about that with Howard for a little while. Howard said that they said she was spending like $40 million on clothes every year or more. Howard said it's so sad that she's gone. Robin said she didn't have to go either.
Robin read about how Glenn Beck is saying he has recovered from a mystery illness that could have left him disabled. Howard said he's not so sure about that story. Howard said they weren't able to find anything wrong with him. Robin said he claims that he was in pain for years. Robin said he claims that doctors told him he had about 5-10 years before he'd be disabled. Robin said they found that it was Adrenal Fatigue. Howard said he's never heard of that. Robin said he says that changing the way he eats, sleeps and lives has reversed the process.
Robin read a story about the Ebola doctor being released from the hospital this morning. Robin said he's scheduled to speak at a press conference today. Robin said there was a story on 60 Minutes this weekend and you see all of these doctors and nurses who are such selfless people. Howard said they're saints. Howard said he'd be a disaster if he was in that. He said he would only treat very attractive women who don't even have a cold. He said they are only in to get their titties and vaginas checked. Howard said he was thinking about Roger Ailes again. He said he finds these hot anchors doing kick boxing and things like that. Howard said the guy is a genius. Howard said this Anna Kooiman is something else. He said she was into Turbo Kick. Howard said that's what she was teaching. Howard said they should start a FOX TV Mansion. He said he could go around in a robe and have a grotto and all of that. Howard said he'd love to interview her and ask what she wears under her dress. He said there's no way she has panties on. Howard said they have to find out what Turbo Kick is.
JD came in and said he has a link to a video of Anna Kooiman doing the kick boxing. Howard said he has to see that. Howard told him to put it on Jason's laptop and he'll check it out. Fred said he has it too. He checked that out and told Howard she's in camouflage pants. Howard said he's interested now. Howard said he can't imagine being so good at kicking that you become number 1 at it. Howard said before she was a news anchor she was kicking. Howard said that's so great. Howard said Brian Williams was a spin class instructor. Jason came in with his laptop and played the video for Howard. Howard said he loves that she has her belly exposed. He said it's not as tight as he thought it would be. Howard said Robin has to see this. Howard told Jason to save it for him back in his office.
Robin read a story about how they want to make laundry detergent child proof after some kids have eaten the little pods that they have out now.
Robin read a story about McDonald's recalling some Hello Kitty whistles that are a choking hazard for kids.
Robin read a story about some people who received some award for social activism. Robin read the names on the list to Howard. They spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read about a volcano that has been erupting in Hawaii. Robin said it claimed it's first home yesterday. Robin said they say there is no sign that it's going to stop anytime soon. Howard said he pictures Robin licking her own breast saying ''Puna lava''.
Robin read a story about the leader of Isis possibly being killed or wounded by a air strike. Robin said they can't confirm if he's alive or not. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that attack.
Robin read a story about the FCC ruling about net neutrality. Robin said that they're going to listen to what the President has to say about that.
Robin read about Justin Bieber settling with the egging of the neighbor's house. He settled for $80,000. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon asked the caller what he thinks. The caller said he thinks that Benjy could end up giving too much of his own input instead of Beth. Jon said you have to lead the rope out and let the person answer the question. He said that sometimes you pause and wait and there's a skill there. He said that Benjy came up with his idea and he could put a lot of pressure on himself. Gary said he's at a disadvantage. He said he's so wacky and all over the place. He said that could come out against him. He said that he tends to go to weird places and his humor may take time to unfold and Howard may not give him that time.
Jon said that Benjy was upset that they were all saying that it was going to be shtick and a bit. Jon said Benjy made that bed and now he's sleeping in it. He said on this show he will be labeled as the guy who is trying to pull off a bit. Gary said that he created it. He said it takes a long time not to be the shtick meister. He said a couple of weeks ago Benjy did something really funny but it was super shticky. He said that only Benjy knows when it's shtick and not shtick.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Benjy about the interview and saying that he's going to be shticky. Jon said they will see what happened. He said he thinks that Howard is right. Gary said there is a whole portion of the audience who will be entertained to see him crash and burn.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is losing his mind letting Benjy interview Beth. He said that he looks like and sounds like a pedophile. Gary said hearing that makes him want to hear that. The caller said he can't listen when he's on. He said he knows it's all an act and to get noticed. Jon said he understands he's not a Benjy fan. He said not everyone is. He said the reaction he's getting right now is great for a radio show. He said they have a wild card there and you don't know what's going to happen. He said that Benjy is the wildest of the wild cards. Gary said he was thinking if he's going to ask something really stupid that Howard doesn't want being asked. He said it will be interesting.
Jon said Benjy's problem isn't the question. He said it's the second question and that slow voice he puts on. He said maybe they're analyzing this too much. He said they should just wait to see what happens next week.
Jon took a call from a guy who said one of the things they like to do as fans is analyze the show or over analyze the show. Gary asked the caller if he can get off the speaker phone. The caller said he can. He got off speaker and said that Gary seems to be more full of himself too. He said he wonders if Howard senses that sometimes and if he's trying to get him to back down. Jon asked what makes him think he's more arrogant. The caller said it started when Eric passed away. He said he wasn't as compassionate as some. The caller said he just has a feeling with Gary for the past few weeks. Gary said he isn't sure that it exists. He said he hasn't been on the air that much in the last few weeks. He said Eric wasn't his favorite guy on the show. He said that's just his choice. He said if that's less than compassionate he thinks it's just being honest.
Gary asked if him yelling at Hanzi this morning had something to do with that. The caller said that's part of it too. Gary said he didn't know what he did wrong this morning. He said Hanzi said he sent him something and he thought it was in the email. Then he says it's on Twitter. Gary said Howard was getting frustrated with him for not having it. Gary said he didn't have any control over it. Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Gary and Gary flipping out.
Gary said he has a lot of things going on back there and they think he's the guy from 25 years ago who Howard beat the shit out of. He said he has a lot of shit to get done and it's not easy. Gary said he's just a different person but the same in a lot of ways. Gary said he has a lot of responsibility there. He said at the end of the day it comes down to him in the end. He said even that spray yesterday is his responsibility. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knows any other languages. Ronnie said he doesn't know anything but his great English. Gary said it seems like Ronald has arrived today. Ronnie asked what the fuck they want from him. Gary said ''There's Ronnie.''
Jon asked Ronnie if he has traveled internationally in his life. Ronnie asked where he's talking about. He said he has never been in Europe. He said there's still stuff there in the United States he'd like to see. He said he'd like to go on a snowmobile trip through Yellowstone. He said they do 4 day trips for that.
Jon said that he thinks he'd like Montana. Jon said there's some beautiful areas that he'd like to see. Gary told him to take his Corvette out there. Ronnie said he's not going to put all of that mileage on it. Ronnie said it has enough mileage on it. He said he takes it out when the sun shines. He said he probably put about 800 miles on it this summer. He said it's a collector's car and he's not going to rack up the mileage.
Ronnie said he had Howard's Corvette for 9 years and he sold it for more than he paid for it. Ronnie said he only put 3,000 miles on it in those years. He said he drove it once to Pennsylvania and got caught in a snow storm.
Jon asked Ronnie about where he's been in the country that he liked. Ronnie said he liked going to Seattle for a Block Party show they did.
Jon said now Ronnie is getting older and he has to take his girlfriend around. Ronnie said he thinks that she'll go with the next guy. Jon said he thinks that he'd like Nashville. Ronnie said he thinks he would.
Jon said he's glad he's there. He played a clip of Howard playing the accent clips that Ronnie was doing. Jon said that Robin also had a big revelation this week. Ronnie said that's pretty cool. He said those things are big enough to be pushed up to her mouth so he believes it. Ronnie said he knows a guy who can suck his own dick. Jon said he doesn't want to know how he found out. Ronnie said it's a friend of this guy who told him that. Ronnie said this guy knew this guy for a long time and growing up they had gym class and they had to do leg lifts. He said the guy would flip himself back and he'd get his own dick into his mouth. He said he did that at home, not in gym class. He said his father caught him a few times apparently. Ronnie said that's crazy crap.
Jon asked how you know he can actually do it. Ronnie said this friend he has told him he saw him in action. Jon asked if Ronnie would show anyone he could do it if he could. Ronnie said he would never do that. He said he'd be afraid of breaking his neck.
Gary said they had a guy on the show who said he could make this slapping noise with his dick by wiggling it back and forth. He said Howard wanted to see it for some reason and they went into the bathroom to see it and it was just fucking weird.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Robin. He said he used to think about Robin masturbating years ago and he was wondering if she was going to be honest about that. Ronnie said you don't need big tits to do it either. He said he's seen girls with small ones do it too. Gary said he'd like to know how many women heard that and tried it after yesterday. The caller said they've all been doing it. He said he thinks that Robin is doing it still. He said he thinks that she's been masturbating and doing it. Gary said he's not surprised she did it. He said he was surprised that she admitted to it. He said she was just being honest.
Jon asked Ronnie how he knows she's a crazy sex fiend. Ronnie said he read her book. He said she jerked a guy off in the hospital. Jon said she just mounted him. Gary said she fucked that guy in San Francisco too.
Jon asked if Ronnie gets a vibe off Robin that she's that way. Ronnie said not really. He said she is up for doing just about anything though. He said he can see her doing just about anything sexually too.
Gary said he thinks that Ronnie can find sex in just about anyone. Ronnie said that's not true. He said he's not an expert. Ronnie said he looks at girls and he can tell how they're going to be in bed. Ronnie said he remembers his first girlfriend and it was like she was locked up in prison going to an all girl's school. Ronnie said that she was so saturated it was insane. He said she was only 14 years old too.
Jon asked if Ronnie can tell every time. Ronnie said he has been wrong a couple of times. He said they just didn't get worked up for him. Gary said maybe they just weren't into him. Ronnie said maybe not. They spent a another minute on that and then went to break.
Ronnie did one of his awful accents for them and said something. Jon asked if he does impressions. Ronnie said he doesn't. Jon asked him to do a few but Ronnie said he doesn't do any of them. Jon said he knows he does Dice. Ronnie said no but then he let out an ''Oh!'' Jon asked him to give him someone. Ronnie said no to all of them. He did a little bit of a JD impression.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Gary because he takes so much crap. He said he should just tell everyone to shut the fuck up sometime. He said that he was feeling bad for him today. He said he wishes he'd just tell everyone to fuck off and go crazy. Gary said when he comes to work he's not looking for confrontation. He said it's easy to tweak him. He said if things go wrong he goes crazy. Jon asked what he does when that happens. Gary said he just has to deal with it.
Ronnie said that he has Steve Brandano breathing down his neck when he comes in. He said he can't tell him how annoying he is. Jon said it seems like everyone annoys him. Ronnie said that he loves everyone there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the guy who sucks his own dick spits or swallows. Ronnie said he didn't get into it that much. He doesn't know.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jon could suck his own dick, would he do it and would it make him gay. Jon said he has to think about that. Jon said he thinks that every guy would try and do it. Jon said he thinks if they had the ability they would do it but he's not sure how many times you'd go back to that well. Gary said as a teen it might be something you'd do. He said he's not sure if you're gay if you're doing it to yourself.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can say for a fact that you can give yourself head if you're flexible enough. He said he has done it but not to the point of climax. He said he did it when he was a sex crazed teen. Jon asked if that's enough to know that you can do it or do you have to carry it out to completion. Shuli and Ronnie said they know he has done it. The caller said he's never done that. Ronnie said he knows he has and that's fine. Gary said Ronnie knows he's saturated.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to go back to something Ronnie said about women not being animals when it comes to sex. She said that what it comes down to is social conditioning. She said if women weren't animals there wouldn't be such a variety of sex toys out there. She said women are raised to be good little girls and princesses. She said if they're out there saying they love it then they're called a whore or a porn star. Ronnie said he thinks she took it the wrong way. He said guys will go for anything just about. He said girls are more choosy in their partner and in the way they operate. He said it's a lot more sensitive and caring.
Jon asked if Ronnie would be into a girl who was like that. Ronnie said you get that one and lock her up and don't let her out. Ronnie said he had to go so Jon said they were going to wrap up anyway.
Jon had Shuli run down his Howard 100 News headlines. Ronnie ran through a few of those and then Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology. The guys got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:05am.
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Howard started the show talking about The Great American Nightmare song and what it was like recording it with rob Zombie. Howard said they knew the kids would love that. Howard said it went on to be a smash hit. Not really.
Howard said today in the NY Post there's a picture of Kim Kardashian's giant ass. He said it's a big ass and he can tell it's airbrushed. Howard said it's nice being big and cool and all of that. He said he likes a nice ass though.
Howard said there was a 2 and a half hour Sons of Anarchy last night. He said he wasn't able to watch it all but he was up at 1 in the morning. He said he fell asleep around 4 and then he had to get up at 4:30.
Howard said Steve Carell is coming in today. He said he has to have a good conversation with him. Robin said he may get an Oscar nomination for the new Foxcatcher movie. Robin said there is a buzz around that movie. Fred played a buzzing sound for that.
Howard said that they have to have some fun now. Howard played a prank call the guys made to a radio show using clips of Howard asking if he's ever sucked his own breasts. The host said that guy was on the phone for 5 minutes. He made a comment about him having the voice of a guy who is so fat he hasn't seen his feet since the Reagan administration. They called in again with more clips of Howard asking about the breast thing. The hosts said you'd think that guy would have time on his hands to earn a living. Howard said the were from Gridiron Stud Show.
Howard said he was watching an old episode of ''Son of the Beach.'' He said it was the Queefer Madness episode. He said Neil Patrick Harris and David Arquette were on that episode. Robin said she forgot that Neil did that show. Howard said he must have been down on his luck at the time. Howard told Robin what the episode was about and how they were in a bicycle gang. Howard said they shot it in black and white too. He said David played Johnny Queefer and it was good. Howard said he loved that show. He wishes he could bring it back but he thinks it's seen its day. Howard said Tim Stack playing a lifeguard now would be even funnier. He said he has to be like 90.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was thinking about how great the show has been the past couple of days. He said he thinks it's because Howard isn't on AGT. He said when he's not on it he's thinking more about the show. Howard said he thinks the show is great so many days even when he's doing AGT. Howard said people get mad when he's not there during AGT but he'd be taking those days off anyway. Howard said he does have to decide about AGT now. He said they have a lot of exciting plans for their 10th anniversary. He said even if he's not on it they have these plans. Howard said he has to get on the phone and talk to them about doing it again. Howard said part of him wants to do it and part doesn't. Howard said he has to figure out what to do.
Howard said when he worked at WNBC in radio it was the worst experience. Howard said Grant Tinker was a dick head. He said management over there was awful and he had such a bad taste in his mouth over that. Howard said he still pulls into the parking lot over there at NBC and things are so much nicer now. Howard said they're very accommodating to him there. Howard said they like him on the show and they have so much understanding when he tells them why he can't do the show. He said they want to do something for him and make it easy on him. Howard said they're all so great over there. He said they're nice people. Howard said they can't always accommodate him but they try.
Howard said he has Olate Dogs on the phone to try and convince him to stay. Howard picked up and had the guys in the back playing dog barking sounds.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Fred to play the Imran Khan song when Hanzi calls in. Howard asked the caller if she thinks any less of Robin licking her own breasts. The caller said she wishes she could do that herself. Fred played some clips of Robin talking about doing that. Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap Up Show saying that it's a common thing to do that and he wasn't that impressed. Howard said he thinks Ronnie got this Ladies Man persona when he went to strip clubs with him. Howard said before that he was kind of a dud. Howard said he doesn't know how he's going to get through to him. He said the strippers are really paid to make guys feel good about themselves. Howard said he was reading an article by a prostitute and she was saying that they have to kiss a guy when they do the full boyfriend experience. Howard said they have to put on the acting performance of their life. Howard said it's great if you're lonely but don't start thinking you know anything about women after hanging out with strippers.
Robin said it does make Ronnie feel more confident. Howard said it really does. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking to Jon and Gary about how he can tell how a girl is going to be in bed. He said he knew he had this girl who was going to be ''saturated'' when he was with her. Howard said who knew he even knew that word. Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie talking about the licking of the nipple thing and how even women with small breasts can do that.
Robin asked how many women Ronnie has had. Howard said it's not many. Howard said he thinks most women find him gross. He said Stephanie is a doll though. Howard said he can't explain that. Robin said she doesn't think anyone can.
The caller said that Jenny McCarthy and her husband are doing a reality show. She asked what he thinks about that. Howard said he is baffled by that. Robin said that he's already on a reality show called Wahlbergers. Howard said he's shocked. He said he thinks it's the kiss of death in a relationship. He said he doesn't think that their relationship will last if they do it. Howard said he also thinks it's going to be very fake. He said he's very fond of Jenny but he doesn't know Donnie. Howard said to make a relationship survive you have to keep some things sacred. He said this is a recipe for disaster. He said it's a tremendous desire to be famous. He said he doesn't think it's healthy. Howard said he's not sure if they need money but if they do then he can see why they'd do it. Robin said that Donnie doesn't need the money. She said he's on a TV show and he's still touring. Howard said he doesn't get it then.
Howard said you have to create angst and fighting or no one is going to watch. Howard said you have to behave like a moron too. He said that's how you're successful on those shows. Howard said it makes you question what's wrong with these people. Howard said that Jessica Simpson had a reality show and she made herself seem like a moron. Howard said she didn't know what a tuna fish can was. Howard said Jenny had better show them getting down. Howard said if she's showing how normal she is then she can go fuck herself. Gary said that they are saying that this is the only way they can spend time together. Howard said that's not a good sign. Howard said if you're really into someone then you find a way to make time together. Howard said he likes Jenny and he wishes them the best but he thinks it's a big mistake. Howard said he will watch if they will fight and act like douche bags. Howard said if Jenny is bringing chicks home and stuff he'll watch too.
Howard said he is a fan of Paris Hilton and he will watch her TV show. Howard said she's dressed up like Barbie doing her thing. He said that he doesn't want to see her doing her business. Howard said they have people orchestrating scenarios for her. Howard said he wants to see the vapid dumb cunt that she really is.
Howard said he wants to see the Jenny McCarthy who is going into bathrooms with strange women and getting her asshole eaten. Howard said he wants to see her succeed in her marriage too. Howard said he thinks she's lovely when she's on the show. Howard said he could have hooked up with her but he was in a relationship at the time. Howard said he would have fucked her. He said he knows he would have done that.
Howard said if it's a money grab then that's fine. Howard said whenever you do something for money it doesn't work out. He said you have to do things because you love it. Howard said he's told guys that in radio. He said if you're getting into it for money then you're out of your mind. Howard said if they put parameters around the show then it's going to be a mess. Howard said if they come up with scenarios and make the show up then fuck you. He said he doesn't want to watch that. Howard said that's what's happening. Howard said they come up with scenarios about taking kids to the library and things like that. Howard made up some stuff that they could be doing on that show.
Howard said he ants to see Jenny hook up with Jenna Jameson and make out. Howard played some sound effects and made up what that would sound like. He had a clip of a woman using some kind of insane vibrator. Robin said she knows that won't happen because when she was having a good time she wasn't doing TV at all. Howard said you have to be ready for craziness when you do a realty show. Howard said no one wants to see normal.
Robin asked what network picked that up. Howard was still making up things they could be doing on the show. Howard had Jenny cutting off Donnie's penis. Howard said you have to let people tape you and no room is off limits. Robin said maybe they only have cameras in the bedroom. Howard said he wants to see how big Donnie's penis is. Howard said they have to go the full Monty.
Howard said he doesn't have high hopes for the show. He said he thinks either the show is going to end or the marriage will end. Robin said they have to watch that show Kendra's On Top because her husband is accused of being with a transsexual. Howard made up more stuff Jenny could do like shoot ping pong balls out of her vagina. Howard said for a while a lot of people wanted a realty show but they don't want to do anything crazy. They all go right out the window. Howard said you have to lay it all on the line. Howard said he wants to see her in a bikini in front of the kid's friends. Robin said she should have married someone like Bobby Brown to have a show like that. Howard said maybe she can have an affair with him.
Howard said Jenny should catch her kid beating off in the pool to her. Howard said that's a reality show. Howard said Jenny has to let it all out but she won't do that. Howard said Donnie has to get a sex change or something. Howard said that he still loves her but he has to be a woman. Howard said Jenny could join the KKK. He said he'd watch that. Howard said Jenny goes to a party and eats out a woman. Howard said that's what he will watch. Howard said these people want to show their brand and use that as a marketing thing. Howard said that's not what he wants to see.
Howard played a clip of what he would sound like watching a fight back in Roosevelt. Howard said that's how everyone sounded back there. Howard said that was about the best he could do. Howard said he doesn't know what he was doing back then. Howard said his mom thinks that was a good experience for him. He said he was talking like a lunatic. He said during the day at school he was a black guy. He did the voice and said when he'd come home he would be normal Howard. Howard said he invented wigger. He said he was the top wigger at school. Howard said even with all of that it didn't help him.
Gary said that Scott said something during that clip that was very interesting. He said he said ''hear dat'' when Skrillex said something to him. Gary wondered what that is. Howard said he doesn't know. He said the whole thing is just too weird. Howard said Scott is Dullex. Howard said you couldn't pick a worse career for Scott.
Howard said Skrillex couldn't get out of there fast enough. Howard and Fred did their Scott voices and goofed on him for a short time. Howard talked about the exciting things that Scott did when he was a DJ and they weren't that exciting. Howard brought up some of the things that really happened to him too like when he DJ'd a kid's party and some 12 year olds kicked him. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said after hearing that Jenny McCarthy discussion does he think that she's going to be mad at him. Howard said no. He said he's giving her a blueprint for how to make her show successful. Howard said he watches reality TV and he's on one so he knows what goes on. Howard said he loves Jenny and he wishes her luck but it could be a recipe for disaster. Howard asked what's so shitty about saying that? Howard said he hopes she knows it.
Robin asked if he thinks people know that these things are going to ruin a relationship. Howard said no but the people who do those shows have to sacrifice their lives to make it good. Howard said he knows Jenny has money and so does Donnie. He said he's not sure why they're doing this. He said they have to be prepared for what it's going to do. Howard said they have to be prepared.
Howard said he thinks that Steve Carell is going to win an Academy Award for Foxcatcher. He said he's been on the show before and he was delightful. Howard said he calls him Mr. Delightful.
Howard said he didn't know anything about Foxcatcher and he didn't want to watch it because he knows how depressing it is. Howard said he saw it and had no idea that it was Steve playing John DuPont. Howard said he though the guy was a great actor and he had no idea it was Steve. Howard asked if he knew that was going to happen. Steve said he didn't but that's great. Howard asked if this is the first time he's played a non comedic role. Steve said this is the darkest thing he's done but there were other roles he played that weren't comedic.
Howard asked if he had to study John DuPont. Steve said he did. He said that he commissioned the documentary on himself. He said that's the kind of guy he was. Steve said he has outtakes of the real guy where he's barking at the documentarian. He said that was very interesting to see.
Howard said when you get a role of a real guy are you doing an impression of the guy or doing a character and do your own take on it. Steve said he wanted to do the character thing. He said DuPont had a very halting way of speaking. He said he tried to emulate that.
Howard asked if Steve has people addressing him as John DuPont. Steve laughed. Howard asked if he pulled that. Steve said not really. He said it was weird though. He said people treated him differently in the make up. Howard asked when he's playing a character like that does he have to pretend to be dark. Steve said not really. He said the set wasn't frivolous or fun so they weren't really clowning around though.
Robin asked if he had to be dad on the set. Steve said he didn't. He said he was working and they were back home. Howard said this movie is really a horror movie. Howard said DuPont was a seriously disturbed guy. Steve said that it's a really sad story. He said he grew up with his mom and she was very chilly. He said that he didn't have any love in his life that's documented anyway. Howard said DuPont was in love with wrestlers and enjoyed helping them out with money. Howard said his heart was in the right place. Howard asked if he was gay and in love with them. Steve said he's not sure about that. He said they didn't want to put that spin on it in the movie.
Howard said when his mom died DuPont went berserk. Steve said he had a lot of problems. He said he was a really sad and lonely guy.
Howard said it's hard to get good material in Hollywood. Howard asked if he knew it was a gem right away. Steve said Bennett Miller only does good stuff. He said he knew it was going to be great. He said the last movie he did was Moneyball. Steve said that his name was thrown in there and even he thinks it was kind of weird. He said it was outside of the box a little bit. Steve said he gave it a look and they met.
Howard asked Steve if he thought about what to wear in front of the guy. Steve said not at all. Steve read the script and said that was great. He said that he looked up some stuff and figured this was the right thing to do. Steve said he hadn't worked anything out before meeting Bennett. Howard asked what you say to the guy to convince him that you should get the part. Steve said he said that he hopes he doesn't screw up. Steve said the fact that he had the confidence in him was great. Howard asked what he said that convinced him. Steve said he just talked about who he thought that guy was. He said he thought he was a really sad and lonely guy who was very troubled. He said that he plays people who have more of a mushy center. He said this guy seems to have that but he really doesn't. He said it was intriguing to him.
Howard said Steve's wife is a writer. He asked if he shows her the script. Steve said of course. Howard asked if she wanted to be in the movie too. Steve said she wants to stay away from any of that stuff.
Howard asked if it's a mistake to marry someone who is a performer. He said there must be some jealousy there. Steve said he doesn't worry about that. He said it's about marrying the right person. He said his wife was on SNL and The Daily Show. He said that she made the decision to say she just wants to raise the kids and support him in his career. He said it's a partnership. He said he met her at Second City and he was her teacher. Steve said he robbed the cradle. Howard asked if he sees these stories in the paper about the teachers robbing the cradle for real and he thinks that's not so bad. Steve said he thinks he should put that on record.
Howard asked Steve about being on the set with Mark Ruffalo and Channing Tatum and if he knew he had magic. Steve said no one did. He said you have no idea what you're making. Steve said he was talking to mark Ruffalo one night and they were talking about how this could turn out to be the worst thing they've ever done. Steve said they thought it could be a disaster. Howard said he was thinking the same thing. He said he does love the movie though.
Howard asked Steve if they have him over the barrel with a movie like this. Howard said he made a lot of money doing comedy and he wonders if this is different. Steve said he has to throw out that money thing. He said he just wanted to do it though. Howard said Jonah Hill took scale for a movie just to be in it. Steve said he thinks that's about what it was for him. He said he wanted to work with Bennett though. Howard asked if he thinks that the movie could fail and he won't see any money out of it. Steve said that is something he worries about.
Howard asked Steve about the other guys in the movie and if they're walking around in a somber mood on the set. Steve said it's not very jokey. He said there were a lot of people there who were part of the real story. He said there was a guy there consulting on the movie and he was part of the real thing. He said that was Mark Schultz. Howard asked if they ever go out for a beer. Steve said never. Steve said he would fly home on the weekends to be with his family.
Howard said 60 Minutes gave Steve the biggest blow job of all time. Steve said he didn't watch it. He said his wife saw it and signed off on it. He said she told him that it was an accurate representation of what they are. Howard said he would play that over and over again in his house. Howard asked Steve how he doesn't watch that piece on 60 Minutes. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Steve said he gets uncomfortable in those situations. He said they did 3 interviews in 3 cities. He said it was kind of peeling back the layers and it made him uncomfortable. Howard asked if it's the personal stuff that he's uncomfortable with. Steve said maybe. Howard said he did 60 Minutes and they took him back to his hometown and it was horrible and exciting at the same time. Steve said the show is pretty great. He said that's why he did it.
Howard asked Steve if he wanted to do this movie because they say that every comedian was fucking crazy and they have this dark story behind them. Howard said Steve has had terrible tragedy in his life but he doesn't seem dark and angry. He said that must live in him though. Steve said he thinks that everyone has that. He said he thinks everyone thinks that they're darker than other people. He said that they might be more normal than they think.
Howard asked if he is afraid to say that he would like to win the Academy Award for this. Steve said it would but he thinks it would be great to be nominated. Steve said he saw the movie about a year ago but hasn't seen it since. He said they were working on it the past year. Howard asked Steve if he is willing to campaign to get nominated. Steve said it would be really cool to be nominated. Howard said they have to plan a campaign now. Howard said they have to cut everyone else down and get this thing. Steve said it really is about cutting people down. Steve said he's not good at that kind of thing either. He said one of the reasons it would be cool is because his parents are 89 now and it would be great for them to see that. Howard asked if they live on their own. Steve said they do and they're doing okay. He said they live up in Massachusetts. Howard said it would be great for them to see him nominated. Robin said he doesn't want to say he wants to win. Steve said that's true. Howard said he'll say it for him then.
Howard asked if they're hoping him on this so far. Steve said you hear it but it's in one ear and out the other. Howard asked Steve about another movie he did called Freeheld. Steve said he went half gay for that movie. Howard asked what that means. Steve said he has no idea. Howard said he doesn't know if he could play a gay man. He said he thinks he'd have a hard time kissing another man.
Howard said Foxcatcher is opening on Friday. He asked if he's going to be watching the box office. Steve said it's in limited release first and he won't be watching it. He said he doesn't know anything about all of that anyway.
Howard asked Steve if he becomes friends with Mark Ruffalo after doing a movie like that. Steve said he does. He said he is friends with these people he works with.
Howard said Steve talked about seeing Jon Stewart at a movie premiere and they were both promoting serious movies. Steve said he and Jon were pinching themselves wondering what they were doing there. He said they didn't think they belonged there.
Howard said Steve was on The Daily Show and he wasn't really a political guy and not a reporter. He said he ended up on that show and the whole thing they do is a political thing. Steve said that defies a job description. He said that you're an actor and sort of a journalist. He said then you're none of those things. He said that was a hard job. Howard asked if he was nervous going into that show. Steve said he was. He said you walk into these situations and you have no idea how they're going to turn out.
Howard said it was a brave move to leave that show. Steve said they felt it was time. He said that he was there for 4 and a half years. Howard said that is about time to leave. Howard asked if he did the Jim Carrey movie after that. Steve said it was right around then. Howard asked if he was fun to work with. Steve said he was. Howard said they did that movie Bruce Almighty. Howard said he went and did Evan Almighty too. Howard asked if Jim was mad about that. Steve said he doesn't think so. He said he did it and Jim didn't wanted to do it. Howard asked if he's friendly with Jim. Steve said he is.
Howard said Steve worked with Will Ferrell and he's a funny guy. Howard said he thinks he's funny but he did an interview with him and he wasn't on his A-game that day. He said it wasn't Will's fault though. Howard said he takes the blame for that.
Howard asked Steve who the funniest guy is that he's worked with. Steve said Alan Arkin is the guy. He said he's such a good actor and he's so fun. He said they were in a van shooting Little Miss Sunshine and Alan sat in the back not saying a word for like 2 hours. He said they were just exploring their characters. Then they were sitting at a traffic light. He said Alan stars moaning and then says he has to pee. He said he was destroying and he didn't have to pee. That was just his character. He said he waited 2 hours to do that.
Howard said Will Ferrell seems like a really serious dude. Steve said he's really funny off camera too. Howard asked if he's a practical joker. Steve said he's not. Howard said he doesn't like guys like that. Steve said he's not that guy either. Howard said Anchorman was a great movie too.
Howard said there are a lot of great movies that don't get nominated for Oscars. Howard asked Steve who he tells to stop bitching about that. Steve said he doesn't know specifically. He said it seems like a lame thing to bitch about. He said these people are working and making a ton of money. He said give me a break. Howard asked what awards he's won. Steve said he won a Golden Globe. He said he has it on a shelf somewhere in the house. Howard said he'd have a disco ball over that thing in his house.
Howard said his wife saw the movie. Steve said he saw her there. Howard said he loved the movie. He said it was very captivating.
Robin asked Howard if he really didn't know who Steve was in the movie. Howard said he really didn't know it was Steve. He said he just thought he was great and he wondered what else he had been in. Howard said he looked different enough that he didn't recognize him. He said he totally transformed. Howard said he thought that was really cool. Steve said that's great. Howard asked if there were other people up for that role. Steve said he's sure there was but he doesn't know who they were.
Steve said Bennett told him that he wanted him because he was kind of this benign character. He said DuPont was like that too. Howard asked how much time he needed to put on make up. Steve said it was about 3 hours. He said he'd have to get to work at 4 in the morning or so. Howard asked if he was pissed about that because other actors didn't have to do that. Steve said the other guys had to go wrestle after the shoot.
Steve said that he loved Vanessa Redgrave playing his mother. He said that Bennett warned him that she was going to eat him alive. Steve said she couldn't have been nicer on set. Howard said she was great in the movie. Howard said he thinks that Steve should thank him when he wins his award. Steve said if he wins he will do that. He said that's the deal he's going to make. Howard said that would be so good. Howard said Steve should write an ad in Variety and say that his parents only have 6 months to live. Howard said he thinks that he'd have to call some people who vote to win. Steve said he's not good at that. Howard said he may have to go door to door.
Howard asked Steve what he's doing now that he's not working. Steve said they bought a general store up in Massachusetts and that's what they're doing now. Howard said that's great for the 60 Minutes interview. He said that's what he would do. Howard said he's running a general store up there. Steve said that's why you do that stuff. Howard asked if he works in the store. Steve said his sister in law runs it. He said he doesn't work there. He said he'd like for the store to break even. He said he's not sure if they've made a profit but they do break even.
Howard asked Steve if he has to fire people there. Steve said he thinks the sister in law would do that. Howard asked what you do if you catch a kid doing that. Howard said who needs that? Steve said that Tish runs the place and she's on top of all of that.
Howard asked Steve how old he is. Steve said he's 52. Howard said he had a hip replacement. Steve said he had a hockey injury and he thinks that's where it came from. Howard asked if he still plays. Steve said he does. He said the hip is way better than it was. He said he can walk again. He said he was walking with a limp and now he's not. He said he can cross his legs now. He said it was bone on bone and it was nasty.
Howard asked if he's happy. Steve said ''Yeah!'' and Howard told him to take it easy. Howard said Steve is in this movie ''Foxcatcher'' and he's going to thank him when he wins an Oscar.
Howard asked who they're up against this weekend. Steve said ''Dumb and Dumber To'' is coming out this weekend. Howard said that's a different audience. Steve said he can't wait to see that too.
Howard said he thinks that Steve has about $35 million in the bank. Steve said he really doesn't know. He said he can't tell him exactly. Howard asked what he got paid to do Foxcatcher. Steve said he thinks it was around $100,000. Howard asked why he keeps this stuff so vague. Steve said he might be taken advantage of and he doesn't want to put too much stock in money. Howard asked if his wife worries about it. Steve said not really. He said he has a business manager who takes care of that. He said they didn't aspire to have a lot of money.
Howard asked Steve if he's buying anything great with the money or just general stores. Steve said he's just going to buy general stores. He said he wants to be the Trump of general stores. Howard said it's great not to have to worry about finances.
Howard asked if he's very religious. Steve said not really. He said he doesn't go to church every weekend. He said that he does like the new pope. Howard said he is pretty progressive. Howard asked if he believes in god. Steve said he does. Howard asked if he thinks there is a heaven and hell. Steve said he really doesn't know. Steve said you kind of tailor this stuff to yourself. Howard said he bases his religion on how he's feeling every day. He said when he feels good he's an atheist. He said when he stubs his toe all of a sudden he's like ''Oh god, please help me.''
Howard asked Steve when he contemplates death does he believe he will meet a personal god and he'll open the pearly gates and let him in. Steve said not right now. He said he thinks that it's open ended. Howard said he got nothing from that. Howard said he felt he was going to learn something there. Howard said he wants to believe that there's something else out there but maybe he'll just get eaten by worms and this will all have been for nothing.
Howard gave Steve some plugs for the movie and Steve told him he really will thank him if he wins the Oscar. Howard said this is very exciting. He wrapped up and went to break after that. AS they went to break they played some interviews Richard did at a Star Trek convention. They also played a massage parlor etiquette tip from Sal Governale.
Howard came back and said that's Ed Sheeran, right. Fred said it was. Howard said they had a concert last night with a bunch of bands. Howard said they sang Fortunate Son and that's one of the greatest songs of all time. Howard said some people felt it was inappropriate to sing it at a Veteran's Day event. Fred explained what the song was about and how it's not really anti war. He said it was about the poor treatment of people.
Howard said that Gary was watching it and Eminem kept saying ''Mother Fucker'' a lot. Howard said he's not sure what that's about. Howard played a clip of Eminem doing that. Robin said that she was offended when he said ''Happy mother fuckin' Veteran's Day.'' Robin said that's a little too much leaning on the MF word. Howard asked Gary what he thinks he was doing that for. Gary said maybe it's a street cred kind of thing. Howard said he might say that to get his street cred going too.
Howard said Al Roker is going to do a stunt where he's going to do the longest weather forecast. Robin said ''Oh please, Al.'' Howard said he's starting it on Wednesday night and he has to get the okay from his doctor. Howard said he likes Al and all but this reeks of phoniness. Howard said they say he's going to do it with two other guys. Howard said he wants to see him awake doing this. Howard said he doesn't want to see him disappear for a while. Howard said he has to stay on camera for 34 hours. Robin said Jerry Lewis used to disappear for hours on the telethon. Howard said he disappeared for years.
Howard said he has audio of Valerie Bertinelli saying that she was back stage at a Van Halen concert and Christina Aguilera gave her the cold shoulder. Howard played the clip and Valerie said that she didn't have a feud with her. She said she told her she thought she had a great voice and she just kind of brushed her off. She said she might have gotten better but she doesn't think so. Howard said he likes this Valerie. He said she used to hide when she was married to Eddie Van Halen. Howard said he likes that she's out talking now.
Howard said he has some audio of a Domino's Pizza employee telling off a customer. Howard said that pizza is awful. He said that it's not even real pizza. He said it's like bread with some shit on it in his opinion. Howard asked if they're an advertiser. Gary said he doesn't think so. Howard said he never thought it was good pizza. Howard said they cut this clip down. He said the employee starts barking at this woman telling her to fuck off. Howard played some of the audio and the customer was asking for his supervisor's name and number. The manager told her to fuck off and get out of the store. Howard wondered why they're arguing over a pizza. Robin said it's this pizza too. Howard said it's the greatest clip he's ever heard.
Howard said he thinks this next clip is great too. Howard said Deion Sanders is saying that being gay could be a choice. Howard said even if you think that it's not the thing to say anymore. Howard played that clip and Deion was saying that he doesn't condone it but he doesn't condemn it. He said he loves his cousin. Larry King was doing the interview and he asked if he thinks it's a choice. Deion said he thinks that it might be. Larry was saying ''Who wouldn't?'' when asked who would choose that. Howard said it's not an easy life. Howard said he has a ton of gay friends who are married.
Howard said that religion just dooms us. He said there's a tape in a church and this kid gets up and they're going to heal him by laying hands on him. Howard said the kid is gay and they have him denounce being gay. Howard said God takes him over and all of a sudden he likes women. Howard said he doesn't think he'd be getting it up after this. Howard played that clip and the guy says he thinks that the lord has set him free. Howard said you have to see the clip. He said the kid is a chubby kid who is ready for some ass play.
Howard played some of the performance of Fortunate Son that he was talking about earlier. Howard asked who was singing. Gary said it's Dave Grohl. Howard said he loves Dave. Howard said they had Bruce and some other people too. Gary said they had Zac Brown in there too. Howard said he thinks that country guys do country because they can't do rock. Howard said that's just his opinion. Howard said he thinks it's going to pick up when Springsteen starts singing. Howard played more of the song and said he's going to sing the shit out of that song. Howard let it play through a little longer and said that he's over singing it too. Howard said they should let Grohl finish that song.
Howard said he thinks he could do better than Bruce. Howard sang some of the song. Howard said that song took on some meaning with him. He said he could have been drafted. He said the war ended and he was happy about that. Howard said he could have high tailed it off to Canada if his number was called. Howard said he'd be up there with Hanzi right now.
Howard played some Fortunate Son and made up his own lyrics for it. Howard said he's better than Zac Brown. Howard said he's even better than Bruce Springsteen.
Howard said getting back to the gay situation it gets better and better. Howard played more of that church talking about gay people. The pastor or whoever it was is talking about gays walking around with pocket books and things like that. He said he's going to tell them what's wrong with them walking around looking like a sissy. Robin wondered what the guy was talking about. He was saying stuff that didn't make sense. Howard did an impression of the guy and goofed on him a little bit. Howard said sometimes they find out the preachers are gay. He said that's what he likes. Howard did more of his impression of that guy's rant.
Howard said that's so offensive. He said it's pure hate speech. Robin said this is the same kind of thing Hitler did. Howard said that they do it all for money and the only people you can openly slam are gay people. Howard said that you'd think that blacks would understand what gay people have to go through.
Howard did more of his impression of the preacher and made up his own nonsense like the preacher might say. Howard said he has to go preach. He said it must be fun. Howard said these religious kooks are killing our country. He said he loves that we're at war with the religious fanatics around the world but we have the same thing going on in this country.
Howard played a clip of a religious nut talking about how Monster energy drinks are the work of the devil. Howard said this woman is talking about the letter M on the can of Monster Energy Drink. The woman explains what's going on and said that they have BFC is using the F-word on the can. Howard said we have the same religious assholes in this country that there are around the world. Howard said they're busy screaming about the gays and all of that. He said it sounds like a call to kill the gays to him. He said that it's going to get people upset. Howard said he's hoping the guy is just in it for the money. He said that would explain the devotion to it.
Howard kept messing with Larry who said he had a problem with his Bluetooth device. Howard asked if Larry was there and Larry kept saying hello. Then he was listening back to the radio and not listening to Howard on the phone. Howard said that this will help him get to his 34 hours. Howard said he thinks that people would stay tuned. Howard said even he's getting annoyed now.
Larry got back on and Howard kept going saying hello. Howard said let's do it already. Robin said it had better be a good call. Larry asked if Benjy is still interviewing Beth. Howard said he is. Larry said Howard should duct tape his mouth to keep him quiet while Benjy does the interview. Howard said maybe he can be naked and Fred gives him a hand job while he does it too. Howard said he gets what he's saying. He said they take the risk of Benjy running rampant. Howard said he will consider it though. Howard thanked him for the call. He said it was fascinating when he couldn't hear.
Howard said that should be happening with Benjy on Tuesday. Benjy said he thinks it's on the 18th. Howard said he just put on that Benjy voice. He said it's so annoying. Benjy said he said it was the 18th. Howard said it's Tuesday.
Howard said Benjy had the idea to interview Beth. He said everyone wants to do the interview now. Howard said Ham Hands Bill was calking and saying he should be doing it. Howard said he can't just come up with the idea after they already had the idea. Howard played some of Ham Hands Bill's voicemail asking to do that.
Howard said that sounds like it would be a great interview. Robin said it's great that everyone is coming up with the idea all of a sudden. Howard said all he heard was him saying ''licking ass'' and ''panties'' in that clip.
Howard said they're getting a lot of stuff about JD talking about being a script doctor. Howard read an email from someone who said that they have hope to be the queen of England now that they heard about JD's dream. He played a song parody about JD's script doctor dream too. He said there are a million of them. He played another one. Howard said that's great stuff.
Howard said people are consumed with that and with Robin sucking on her own breast. Howard said that people wonder if it's right for her to be doing that. Howard said that he'll tell you one thing about Robin. He said he doesn't think about Ebola for a minute with Robin talking about sucking on her tits. Howard said he knows next week it'll be vagina news. Howard said he'd love to hear a preview of that. Howard said yesterday Robin said that she thought about coming out of the closet about sucking her own breast. Howard said he doesn't want to tell her that her image is her breasts. Howard said that her image went from breast to breasts.
Howard asked Siri to name a newscaster who licks her own tits. He played a clip of Siri responding with an answer about Robin. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He played some clips of Robin talking about sucking her own tits after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a comment about AGT. He said he knows they're negotiating. Howard said he's not negotiating. He's just deciding if he should do it or not. The caller said he likes Howard on the show but he seems so unhappy doing it. He said he's never smiling and he doesn't seem happy. Howard said he's right. Howard said he's not happy doing it but he's not happy doing anything. Howard said just because he's unhappy doesn't mean he shouldn't do anything. The caller said he looks miserable. Howard said he is. He said that's why he's questioning if he should do it. Howard said that's how he gets through life. Howard said that's his modus operandi. Howard said that the NBC people have done nothing wrong.
The caller asked how much the ratings increased when he took over. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they were happy with the ratings and they seem to want him back. Howard said he knows they were number 1 in the country during this season. Howard said he thinks that they only care if he's back. He said the other judges don't matter. He said that he could work with anyone except Jay Leno. Howard said he's the only one he can't work with. Howard said Jay has plenty of talent but not as a human being. He said that he's just not a good human being.
Howard said he spoke to his agent about the AGT thing and it sounds like they have a pretty good deal. He said that he's not sure what he's going to do though.
Benjy said ''Hey Howard'' but it came out like ''Hey-Har'' so Howard goofed on him about that for a few seconds. Benjy asked if he's happy when he paints. Howard said he's very hard on himself when he paints. He said he's a failure when it comes to that. Benjy asked if Howard likes what it does to him when he's on AGT. Howard said no. Howard said that the painting thing makes the time pass fast. Howard said he likes painting. He said he likes it when he has a good finished product. Howard said he frames stuff he likes.
Howard said he's happy when he has sex with his wife. He said that only lasts a few seconds though. He added ''Poor woman...''
Howard said that he gets himself into trouble when he talks to Robin. Howard said he was joking with her about being a judge on America's Got talent. Howard said then it happened. He said the lunatics at NBC thought it would be a good idea. Howard said he thought it would be funny and it wasn't really about the money. He said he did want to be paid a certain amount of course. Howard said he did like being on the show and being with Howie and Sharon. He said they asked him to do it again and he did it. Howard said he did the second year and built it up more. Howard said he did a third year and now he's not sure how to turn it down.
Benjy asked Howard if it would be braver to not to AGT. Howard told Benjy to leave him alone. He said he hates him. He said he doesn't hate him. Howard said he's just not sure if he wants to give up his free time to do AGT again. Howard said if they told him he had 2 years to live tomorrow then he wouldn't do AGT. Benjy told him he might die in 2 years. Howard said he wants to think he's going to live a while. Howard cut Benjy off and said he can't handle his searing interviews. Howard said he does like Benjy and didn't mean to attack him. He said he's trying to be a better person.
Howard said the person growing a lot is Benjy. He said he's up to about 300 pounds. Howard said he really had to take a break after that.
Howard played the top 5 songs but he had the Wack Pack singing the songs. He had High Pitch Eric singing an Ariana Grande song and Jeff the Drunk singing another song at number 4. Howard said number 3 was Tove Lo and they had Medicated Pete singing that one. High Pitch sang ''All About That Bass'' too. Howard said at number one was Taylor Swift and Medicated Pete was singing that one too. Howard had both Pete and Eric singing that one and he wanted to hear Eric sing that one. Howard tried that but then he played the real song.
Howard said that he's not sure if that Meghan Trainor is a hot chick or not. Fred said she's really not. He said she's like a less cute Amy Poehler. Howard thanked him for that update. Robin said that she likes to hear the real artists in the top 5 because that's the only time she's going to hear those songs. Howard quickly played the actual top 5 songs.
Howard said Eric the Actor is calling in from heaven. He had him on the phone to comment on Robin talking about licking her tits. They had audio of him moaning and they made some masturbation sounds and had him saying ''Woo hoo... Yay!'' when he finished.
Howard said that there was a Baba Booey on the Colbert Report. Howard played that clip. Colbert was doing a bit with the devil announcing the winners in the election and the Devil yells out ''Howard Stern's penis, Baba Booey, Baba Booey.'' Howard said he heard that Colbert is a very funny guy.
Howard said he thinks that he'd like to be on David Letterman's show before he leaves. He said he thinks he would anyway. Howard said his agent says that they call often asking him to come on. Gary said Howard would have to be on in the last 2 weeks. Howard said he'd like to go on and have a nice tribute to himself. He said they should do a montage. Howard said they should make it all about him and not Dave. Howard said they have to honor him. Howard said he has sone a lot of great bits on Letterman's show. Howard said he should be honored. Robin said they should honor Andy Kaufman. Howard said he was good but not as great as him. Howard said Andy is dead so they have to take him out of the running. Howard said Andy was really good though. Howard said that maybe Andy was a better guest. Howard said he was great.
Howard said he got shot down on a lot of bits. Howard said he was going to drag out a dead horse on the show but they didn't let him do that. Howard said he did lap dance Dave though. Robin said they have people like Bill Murray too. Robin said Bill can just sit there and be funny. Howard said he can too. Robin said she wants to watch it when Bill is on the show. Howard said he has that going on too.
Howard said he may have to take Casey Kasem's rotting corpse on the show. Howard said he's been around for 5 months above ground. Howard said that he's rotting away now. Howard said that he's going to bring his corpse from Norway and drag him out and throw the parts out into the audience. Howard said he'd go down in history if he did that. Howard said the ratings would be so high that Dave would have to stay. Howard said he's going to toss out body parts into the audience. Howard said he'll fling the ear and it goes into Paul Shaffer's mouth. Howard said he'll go over and use Casey's arms as drum sticks on Anton Fig's drum set.
Howard took a call from Jim in Raleigh who asked Robin why she's breaking Howard down like she was. Robin said he just has to think about the other people who are on that show. Robin said Howard is always great but Andy Kaufman... Robin said she remembers that one episode and it was hysterical. Jim said that she's bringing up other people and there's no reason for that. He said Howard has been on like 45 times. Robin said that's true but Howard should have consideration for other people too. Howard said he has been pretty consistent and Andy wasn't always that funny.
Howard said that Dave would never admit that he was the best guest. Jim asked why that is. Howard said it's professional jealousy. Jim said he finds that fascinating. He said he bets that Howard is right about that. Howard said he is. Howard said if they asked Dave who the best guest has been you know that Dave wouldn't say Howard Stern. Howard said he knows that he's been the best. Robin said that he'd probably say Robin Williams. Howard said they forget when he comes out being all serious.
Howard asked Gary if he's the greatest guest ever to be on Letterman. Gary said he absolutely thinks he is. He said that he brings something every time he's on that show. He said he'll even know what he's going to do and it's still fucking amazing. Gary said that he thinks that in the last week they'll have Steve Martin, Tom Hanks, Bill Murray and then the last day they won't have anyone on. Howard said whatever Johnny did Dave will do on his last show. Howard said he should sing to Dave on his last show. Gary said he thinks that Dave loved having Howard on early on. He said he thinks that Dave enjoyed not knowing what Howard was going to do. Howard said he thinks he was terrified of him. Howard said he used to bad mouth NBC when Dave was on NBC. Howard said Dave loved that. He said he loved it when he wore the ''I Hate Les Moonves'' shirt when he was on CBS too.
Gary said he thinks Howard has done very funny stuff on Letterman. He said that there are classic bits that he's done that no one else comes close to.
Jim asked Robin if she's masturbating more now that she knows she can have sex soon. Robin said no. Howard said Shuli got a hold of Robin yesterday. Howard said Shuli was gone for a month on Paternity Leave. Howard said that he doesn't understand Xbox but Jason can tell what Shuli was doing on his Xbox the whole time he was gone. Jason came in and said he's supposed to be the anonymous one. Jason came in and said you can see your friend's activity. Howard asked if he's right that in the month he was on paternity leave Shuli was on his Xbox watching Netflix. Howard asked why anyone would want that information online. Jason said you can turn that off. Jason said that Shuli was on Netflix so much that he was unlocking achievements for watching it 7 days in a row. Howard asked what else he was doing. Jason said it looks like he played FIFA soccer 27 times. Howard said he didn't miss a day. Jason said he played Call of Duty so much he unlocked 7 achievements. Howard said he was playing other games too. Howard read the list of stuff Jason had for him.
Robin said when she saw Shuli yesterday he said he worked harder in that month than he works there. Howard coughed out ''Bullshit'' to that. Robin said Shuli looked like he just came back from vacation yesterday. Jason said he's like a Boy Scout with all of those achievements. Howard said he would turn that stuff off. Jason said you can turn it off. Jason said you have to put a lot of time in on those games to get achievements. Jason said it comes from playing a lot.
Howard asked where Shuli is right now. Jason said he's watching Netflix right now he'd guess. Jason said he would love to have that power to watch what other people are playing on Xbox. Jason said he can't tell an exact time and date but it's been within the past week or two weeks.
Howard said that Shuli was so needed at home. Howard said he had to take a month off. Robin said he worked so hard. Howard said he wants to know what time he played. Robin said he was up all night playing Netflix and Call of Duty.
Jason said he and Shuli used to play a lot online together. He said Shuli's wife asked him to stop playing because she can't get him off that thing. Howard asked if he's any good at it. Jason said he's the worst himself but Shuli is better. Howard said Shuli was muttering about doody and he thought that it was baby doody. It turns out to be Call of Duty.
Howard asked where Shuli is. Gary said he was on another floor and the elevators are very slow in the building. Howard said that's too bad.
Jason told Howard they have video of Scott and Skrillex talking in Scott's studio. He said it's great to watch. You can see that on HowardStern.com
Shuli came in so Howard goofed on him about that. Shuli said that everything is hooked up over Xbox so he's not the only one doing this. He said Jason has the same kind of thing going on. Shuli said that there is no way of telling exactly what days he's done that. Shuli asked Howard if he knows how hard it is to get those achievements. Howard said he does know. Shuli said that he had to be called the N-word a bunch of times by a 12 year old.
Shuli said that Jason got an achievement too. He said he's the biggest, fattest rat on the planet. Shuli said everyone is going to be off Xbox now. He said he and Yucko will be the only ones playing now. He said he averaged about 3 hours of sleep over that month he was out. Robin said he should have turned off the game. Shuli said he has nothing else.
Shuli said Jason is watching Gilmore girls on his Xbox. Howard said he is high when he's watching it. Robin said he's off when he's watching it too. Shuli said he was trapped in an apartment with 3 chicks. He said that's all he has of his own. Howard said he has a job. Shuli said he knows.
Howard said Shuli came back and interviewed Robin about how she's cleared to have sex again. Howard played a clip of Robin talking about how a really good looking guy would be fine. She said someone who is almost not even there and just shows up with a stiffie. Howard said that she's trying to be funny. Howard said Robin is better than that.
Howard said that Shuli is back from Paternity Leave with that searing interview. Howard asked what his greatest achievement on Xbox was. Shuli didn't know. Howard said he has a list. He read some of those achievements that he got on Call of Duty. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from Ralph who said the funny thing about that Call of Duty thing is that the game has only been out about a week. He said that he doesn't know why he would let anyone see what he's doing online. Howard said Shuli was all proud of that. Shuli came back in and said that it's really not that big of a deal. He said the game came out last Tuesday. He said the 7 achievements are really nothing. Howard said that Shuli is trying to convince people that he's spending time with the baby. Shuli said he is and he plays games while the baby is sleeping. He said she sleeps for like an hour. Shuli said his whole mission on Paternity Leave was to be there for his wife. He said 7 Achievements are nothing. Ralph said he doesn't know. He doesn't play the game. Shuli went off on Ralph saying that he has action figures. Ralph said Shuli is underplaying all of this.
Robin said any way he argues this is bad. Howard said Shuli played FIFA soccer 27 tines and he was off a month. He said he played that game almost every day. He said that he also played other games and watched Netflix. Shuli said that he just wants to say that he's sorry he didn't just stand in a corner doing nothing for 30 days.
Ralph said it's so wrong that he lets people see what he's doing on his Xbox. Shuli said he has fans who are on his account and they don't turn him in like Jason did. He said he's 40 and still doing this shit. Howard said he should get some help. Howard said he thinks he has an addiction. Shuli said he wouldn't call it an addiction. Howard said they should send him to the V.A. Hospital since it's Call of Duty. Ralph said that Xbox is something else putting up all of that stuff.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that you can go back and see how long you played and how many times he played. Shuli said he hardly played Call of Duty. He said he plays the soccer game the most. Shuli said the games only last 15 minutes or so. Wheels said that he'll be playing and people will ask him if he's the guy who calls the Howard Stern Show. He said it's amazing. Howard said he'd love to see how much Shuli was really playing.
Shuli said he was watching Breaking Bad over that time and he got to Season 4. He said he didn't see every season. Howard said he was playing Xbox and he watched 4 entire seasons of Breaking Bad. Shuli said he was there for his wife. He said that he was stuck in the fucking apartment. He said his wife would have been miserable being up all night and all day. He said he had to be there for her. Howard said he's going to a weed festival though. Shuli said he didn't do any of that while he was on leave.
Ralph asked if Shuli got paid to be off that month. He said that's some sweet deal. Shuli said that Ralph has a pretty sweet deal too. He said he's like a barnacle on a celebrity's ass. Ralph said that he'd love to take that time off under the guise of helping his wife.
Howard asked Robin what she had in the news. They played Richard singing along to the music from Peru that they play when Robin starts her news.
Robin started off with a story about President Obama getting into this Chinese jacket at a conference. Robin said that they made everyone wear the same thing when the communists took over. Robin said that's what they're trying to do to the entire world and the President jumped at the chance. Robin said she's not sure he should be doing that.
Robin read that Chelsea Clinton was honored as the woman of the year by a magazine. Howard wondered what she did. Robin said she has no idea. Howard said that's how you get the Clinton's to show up. Robin said that Hillary was there. Howard said they should do that to get her on the show. Howard said that's how they could get the Clinton's to show up too.
Robin read about Nicki Minaj apologizing for her video. Robin said she tweeted that she didn't come up with the concept. Robin said she says she's very sorry. She said that a friend came up with it and that person is Jewish. Howard said that she has to take full responsibility for it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the will of Robin Williams. Robin said they're saying that he was afflicted with Lewy body dementia. Robin said they say that his suicide was probably related to that illness. Robin said that it can give you Parkinson's like symptoms as well. Robin said he left his $50 million to his 3 children. Robin said his wife is being taken care of by a pre-nup. Robin said she didn't know that survives you after death. Howard said he doesn't know how all of that works.
Robin read about the Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg reality show. Robin said it will follow them around as they adjust to married life. Howard said he was trying to help them out earlier when he went on that rant.
Robin said they didn't try to cover up the crack in Kim Kardashian's ass shot in the paper. Robin said they did in one paper so it looks like something is going into her ass.
Robin said that the Ebola virus looks like a double dildo that's coiled around. Robin said that the doctor who had Ebola is out of the hospital now too.
Robin read a story about a couple from Queens that was targeting mothers who were rolling their babies around in strollers to steal from. Robin said they had targeted some children's stores. Robin said that one store went through security footage and found this woman was robbed by this couple.
Robin said that over in South Korea they convicted a Ferry captain over the sinking of his ship. Howard said he likes the way she said ''Ferry'' like ''fairy.'' Robin said he was seen getting on a life boat and getting away while passengers were still on the boat. Robin said he's been sentenced to 36 years in prison. She said he was facing the death penalty though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who tried to claim she was burned by McDonald's coffee and prosecutors are questioning that. Robin said they think that she faked her injuries to get McDonald's to pay her $10,000. Robin said that some of the photos came from a hospital web site.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard Howard mention having hot water after a meal. The caller said he does that and he's lost 35 pounds. Howard said that's all it takes. The caller said he also wanted to get into Transcendental Meditation. Howard said that he's surprised when people ask how to get into it. Howard said just look it up and find out how to call a center. Howard said they'll tell you where to go. Howard said you'd think that would be the first thing you'd do if you were interested. Robin said you can find anything on the internet.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if he thinks he's into the pussy eating thing and if he has any tips. Howard said he doesn't think women enjoy it when he does it. He said he's talked about this a bunch of times. Howard said he will kiss the vagina up near the top. He said he'll lick it and not go too hard. He said he does that for a while until they make a noise and move around a little bit. Balls told Howard what he does. Howard said he doesn't care. He thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said a couple of girls seemed to like it when he did it but he's sure he wasn't that good at it. Howard said no one ever taught him how to do it right. He said he's not sure what guys in porn are doing. He said he just parts the hair and licks away. Howard said he tried reciting the alphabet like Sam Kinison used to tell him to do. He said his tongue would get awfully tired. Howard said if you look on his Xbox he doesn't have any pussy eating achievements.
Robin read a story about a cheerleader who was accused of having sex with a student. Robin said that she has gotten divorced from her billionaire husband. Robin read some details about that woman's affair. Howard said that has to be a bitch for the husband. Howard said he's a billionaire and the wife ends up going off with a 15 year old.
Robin read a story about a science probe is going to try to land on a comet and it's getting a message from Captain Kirk. Robin had a clip of what William Shatner said to the team doing that. Howard said he's such a classy man. Howard said Shatner played an astronaut on TV for 2 years and now anything to do with space they call him about. Howard said he should send a message too since he has just as much to do with it as he does.
Robin said that this probe is going to head into the comet and try to land on it. Robin said it should happen around 11am today if it happens.
Howard said he thought it was going to be cold today. He said it's actually warm out. Robin said that they say the arctic blast is coming tomorrow. Robin said that it's already dumped ice and snow in other parts of the country. Howard said it's so cold they're saying that Robin's tongue will get stuck to her nipple when she licks it.
Robin read a story about Osama bin Laden's killer talking about how he wasn't sure he was going to come out of that mission alive. Howard said he thought that guy looked kind of like Shuli when he saw him. Howard said he expected him to look like The Rock or someone like that. Howard said he's fit but not a muscle head. Robin had some audio of the Navy Seal talking about that mission. Howard said he would be the worst Navy Seal ever. He said he'd be bragging all over the place and throwing himself a parade.
Robin read about how Chuck Schumer is pushing for a bill that could help veterans out with suicide. Robin had some audio of him talking about that bill.
Robin read a story about how they're pushing for women to get mammograms more often. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard asked Robin about what that's like for her. Robin said they put your breast on a plate and you have to lean in. Robin said then they lower another plate on top of it and it gets squished. Robin said you do one at a time. Robin said you wrap your arms around the machine like you're hugging it.
Robin read a story about a mother of a child who was shot by a gunman in a school shooting. Robin said that she's forgiving the gunman. Howard said he never would. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about why she has to forgive to move on. Robin said 5 kids died in that shooting. Howard said he doesn't know how you put that anger aside.
Robin had some audio of Steve Carell talking to David Letterman on his show last night. Robin said that Steve feels for this guy and that's why he was able to play him so well. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had Howard play some audio of the American idol theme song. Fred threw in some Yoko Ono screaming over that. Robin said that Randy Jackson says that he's done with Idol now. Robin said that he has announced his exit from the show again. Robin said he says now is the perfect time to leave the show. Robin said Ryan Seacrest is the last man standing from the original cast. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
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Gary said he thinks that if Howard gets super happy then the show is over. He said that's what people like to hear on the show. Gary said that people love to hear Howard going on a tirade about a chemical being sprayed on his board like he did on Monday. Jon said that it's the anger that he's built a successful life off of.
Jon said he has other people who go through life angry like Scott Salem. He said he hasn't had that same success. He asked if the sun ever shines for Scott. Scott said yes. Gary said that Scott had anger and he made an effort to change. He said he did that and then he went back to smoking and it came back. Scott said he tries to channel any anger toward other things. He said if things don't go right then he tries not to get all worked up over it.
Jon said that Howard is always counteracting those negative things all day. Gary said he had an interaction with Howard a few years ago and it seemed like a breakthrough. He said he had his breakfast and there was a hair in it. He said Howard asked him what he would do if he were him. Gary said he told him that he'd just take it out and plow through the food because it would take a half hour to get another one. He said Howard did it. He said he was shocked.
Jon asked if you just face those things and battle them. Gary said he's not sure. He said it's hard to tell. Gary said he figured that Pat Cooper was going to live to 100 years old because he just gets everything out on a regular basis. Jon asked if Scott does that. Scott said he has learned to deal with things instead of keeping them bottled up. He said he has to figure out how to get it where he needs it to be instead of getting angry.
Jon said that Ronnie seems to do a good job with that but he's getting kind of shticky about it. Gary said he thinks that Ronnie is pretty happy. He said he's a really nice guy and a bit of a mush. Jon said Scott is a really nice guy too. He said part of that comes from him being on the show for 30 years.
Jon asked Scott about what made him talk go Skrillex the way he did. He played a clip of Scott talking to him in his studio. Gary asked what that was when he said ''Hear dat.'' Scott said he's not sure. He said he wasn't trying to be cool. He said that's not even him. Gary said that's not even what Skrillex is into. He said he's not going to get into that.
Gary said they spent so much time in the back office talking about the best DJ story Scott had. He left money on his car once and he got attacked by some kids once. Jon asked what he did when the kids came after him. Scott said they were from 7-12 years old and there were like 30 of them. He said he was at a pool party and he was giving away stuff. He said the kids just kind of came after him like a heard of elephants. He said he yelled at them to back off. Scott said he had to stay and finish the gig. He said that it was like 30 kids charging at him so it was a bit much. He said they love free stuff even if it's 10 cents.
Jon asked Scott if he misses those days. Scott said he does not. He said he loves listening to music but it got very stressful toward the end. He said it was tedious and he had anxiety attacks. He said it just wasn't worth it.
Jon asked Scott if he took on a different persona when he did the appearances. Scott said you have to. He said Howard is different on the air. Jon asked how tough it was to put aside the angry guy stuff. Scott said that he tried to get into it as best as he could. He said he would try to enjoy what was going on at the time. He said he did the best he could at the job they hired him for. He said that's what he does in every job he has.
Gary said he has an upbeat personality and he knows how Scott feels. He said he'd go to appearances and you have to act a certain way when you're meeting fans. He said it was hard at times but not all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the show this week has been vintage Stern. He said that it's a lot of picking on the staff and Howard getting angry on Monday. He said he was dying weeping in his car. He said he had to pull over. He brought up some of the Sal stuff where they were talking about his meds too.
Scott said he quit DJ'ing 10 years ago. He said that stuff is still sitting in his closet. Gary said he never got some of his stuff back from K-Rock. Gary said he will buy that stuff back from him if he ever does get it back. Scott said that stuff is worth a lot now. Scott said they claim are working on getting it back to him. Gary said he'll have a guy send them a legal letter and he'll help get that stuff back. They had to take a break after that.
Jon said Jason reported on Shuli's Xbox achievements. He said it got under Shuli's skin today. He said this ball busting happens all the time there and you can lose it on everyone. Shuli said you come in there and you're on the defense already. He said he realized a minute in that he had nothing to say that could change it.
Gary said he has been in Shuli's situation before. He said Jason threw him under the bus but he seems more angry at Ralph. Jon said maybe it's because they expect Jason to do that. Shuli said he likes Jason and he's a friend of his. He said he saw this coming. He said it upset him a little at first. He said that when it comes from Ralph who no one is sure what his job is. He said that he was the one saying he has a sweet deal and no one knows what Ralph's deal is. He said if it happened in the 6 o'clock hour Ralph never would have heard it.
Jason said he thinks that Shuli came in and tried to get out of it at first. Then he realized there was nothing he could do and it gave in. Jason said he loves the way Jon asks his questions and asks Shuli why it got under his skin that he threw him under the bus.
Gary said that Ralph used to be really bad at busting his balls about going out when he first had his kids. He said that got under his skin.
Jon asked Shuli if he gets why Howard thinks the way he does about the games. Shuli said that he gets it. He said that's why he just told himself to bend over and take it. Gary asked if he felt Robin was hit with some shrapnel too. Shuli said he felt bad about that. He said that he was swinging at the fences with that. Gary said he can't imagine why anyone gets upset about that stuff.
Gary asked where Ralph is during this. Jon said he's calling in but his phone is a little shaky so they're calling him back.
Jason said he took notes and took pictures of the account on his Xbox and he knows how Howard is going to take that. Gary said that he would be afraid of people thinking he was on it 24 hours a day. Shuli said his daughter uses that thing all day long. He said that's their entertainment center. He said he knows Jason uses it the same way. Jason said that he thinks he has his privacy settings turned off. Shuli said he never thought about it until now. He said that he has been trying to figure out how to delete his friend's list from work. He said you can control that thing from your phone so he's going to clear that thing off.
Jon said he's surprised that he's not more angry at Jason. Shuli said the pictures pissed him off. Jon said people get pissed at Jason because he has such joy. He said he's smiling during all of this. Jason said this is his favorite part of the show. Jason said that Scott DePace and Shuli were bonding on Twitter over this today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Shuli's reaction to this was the best. He said he loved the way he threw everyone under the bus. Gary said he gets angry himself but Shuli is a comedian and he can make it funny too. Gary said he can't step back and see the humor in it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to defend Shuli. He said that he got 25 achievements in less than 4 games. Jason said he looked up how many there are to unlock and there are only 50. Shuli said that is wrong. He said there are more than 50. Jason said that they're very specific.
Shuli said that playing soccer on Xbox and that's what he loves to play. Gary said he didn't know you could get an award for watching Netflix for 7 days. Jason said that it's so great the way they do that stuff. He said they make a big deal out of watching Netflix for 7 days in a row.
Shuli said in that 30 days it was just he and his wife most of the time. He said they had help 2 weekends during that time. He said they were home and what else is he supposed to do when he's home, sketch? Gary said ''Whoa...'' Shuli said he didn't mean it like that. Shuli said he wasn't allowed to do any work when he was home. He said that's what he was told. He said he wasn't allowed to do stand up either.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that new born babies sleep 14-18 hours a day. Shuli said he wishes his was. Gary said as the father of 2 kids when those kids are sleeping that's when you sleep. Shuli said when the kid was asleep he made sure his wife was sleeping. He said Jim Breuer says that a tired wife will murder you. He said that he bit the bullet and told his wife to sleep. He said in an hour or two she'd be up again and his wife would be back up.
Jason said that he figured the 4 seasons of Breaking Bad Shuli watched was about 44 hours. Jon said it might be lower than that. He said the first season was only 6 episodes.
Jason said that Shuli seems to be refreshed now. Shuli said he does feel good. They went to break a short time later.
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Shuli asked if Steve went up and threw out a Baba Booey and didn't mention Howard's name, would Howard be happy with that. Gary said he thinks he would. He said there are other guys out there who grew up listening to Howard that could do it too. He said it's going to come eventually.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Steve about the Oscar thing and campaigning for it. Jon said he's the kind of guy who won't say he wants to win. Gary said he's not an arrogant guy. He said Howard told him that he had to go kiss some ass to get votes. Gary said Jon has gotten hand written notes for voting in the Critic's choice awards. Jon said he has. Jon said there is no relationship there but he does get some nice post cards. He said two of the winners wrote thank you notes afterward and that was nice too. He said he may not have even voted for them. Gary asked how many voters there are. Jon said he's not sure how many voters there are in that award show.
Gary said they had an intern many years ago and the person got a bunch of beanie babies and they sent everyone one of those things. He said that the box was probably 50 notes. He said they thought it was interesting but all of the notes were written by 3 different people. He said they found that very interesting.
Jon said that Steve also said that he didn't watch the 60 Minutes interview. Jon asked Gary if he has trouble watching stuff he's done. Gary said Private Parts was on this weekend and he wanted to watch it a little. He said it was really weird to see himself in a movie that's 17 years old. He said it felt really weird. He said it's very dated and very 90s looking. He said he looked like a reject from someone who wanted to be on Friends in the 90s.
Jon said that Steve said that Alan Arkin was the funniest guy he ever worked with. Jason said he thought that was a great answer because he's not pissing anyone off by saying that. He said it was a very smart and quick answer. Jon said he agrees him on that.
Jon said he wants to talk about the Skrillex thing again now that Scott isn't in there. Jon said he was in the room and saw it happen first hand. Jason said that they have some video thanks to Luke who is their social media coordinator. Jason said he showed that to Howard off the air and Howard said it's so much better in video. He said Skrillex is trying to be nice but not really engaging. He said it's great to see.
Jon asked if Benjy is helping or hurting himself by asking questions in that low voice of his. Gary said he's building this to a point that he won't be able to match. Jon asked if that's a defense mechanism. He said it might help more than it hurts. Gary said that they'll have to see what they get.
Jon asked Shuli what he has in the news. Shuli ran down a few headlines they have coming up today on Howard 100 News. He also got in a plug for the Dr. Fisch show that's on today at 4. Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:00am.
Steve asked if they just bump stuff off as Howard is ranting. Gary said that they don't because Howard can have his own agenda for the morning. Jon said you can feel Howard trying to move on and he just can't do it.
Gary said they were in the back having a difficult time. He said they were trying to please Howard and there is no way to do it. He said at one point he was in the studio and he asked if he wanted him to light a candle. He said Howard lit up and said yes. Gary said he brought it in and he thinks it worked. Gary said that claimed him down. Jon said it did but then there was black smoke coming off the candle.
Gary said Richard had the candles in his office. He said Richard wanted to cut the wick to get rid of the black smoke. He said that's supposed to do that. He said that little bit left on that is what brought the black smell and Howard thought it was the chemical smell that was doing it. Jon asked about the wick cutter that Richard had. Gary said Richard came to him telling him about it. He said it's like a cigar cutter.
Jon said that people wanted to know whose fault it was. Steve said that when you're a regular listener you want to know that stuff. He said he knows how important Gary is to the show. He said knowing that he has to deal with that nonsense is hysterical to him. He said it still falls on Gary's feet. Jon said he can tell that he appreciates it but he must love hearing him get screamed at. Steve said he loves that. Steve said it's expected there but that would never happen on a TV show.
Gary said this stuff happens every day but not in front of the whole office. Jon said it's not just the office. He said it's the whole building.
Steve said he was there during the bed bugs incident too. He said that they were bringing the dogs in and sniffing around. He said that he wondered how that was all going to come down.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Scott the Engineer about how he was going to handle things from now on. After that Gary said that reminds him of when Howard would have him repeat after him. Jon said it seems like Scott has learned his lesson and he just went with it and agreed with Howard on how to do things.
Steve said that Howard had it spot on when he said that he thinks that the guys had to show that they're working right before the show.
Gary said he used to go to a gym in the city and this woman who cleaned the treadmills would clean them as he was running. He said that he asked if she could do it when it closes.
Jon said a lot of people want to show they're working and they are valuable. Then this happens. Gary said that in every organization they have a person who will parade around and show what they're doing. He said there are others who just put their nose to the grindstone and do their work. Steve said he thinks that they have guys like JD and Jason who do that. He said he's sure they have the other people too who do their work and show it off.
Gary said that they used to have to filter stuff through him and there were still people who went around the corner to Howard directly. He said it was obnoxious.
Jon said they had a revelation from Robin that she can suck her own breast. He said that she was very up front about that. He said the comments and songs kept coming in. He said those will never stop until Howard ends the show.
Steve said he thought about that and how Robin can do it with her big breasts. He said Robin knew that the songs would come and it would never be let go.
Gary said his son Lucas had a gig DJ'ing. He said he dropped him off at this gig and it was all women. He said one woman walked up to him and told him that after she heard Robin she tried to lick her own breast. He said he just responded with ''Alrighty then.'' He said she just had to share that story with him. Steve said she can't be the only one who tried it. Jon said that must happen with other things that Howard does. Steve said everyone on ''The League'' has a Squatty Potty now. Gary said he doesn't think anyone is cleaning their ass with a Q-tip though.
Gary said he found it interesting that the woman came up to him about that. He said it was very not-show place too. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Gary said they have a fantasy football league there. He said they came up with a punishment that they're going to have for the person in last place this season. He said that person is sitting there right now. He was talking about JD. JD said that the guys from The League were there last time and he thinks they cursed him. He said that things just aren't going well with his picks. Gary said that the losers is kicked out the league for next season. JD said he's not happy about that.
Gary said he thinks throwing someone out of the league is half the fun. He said that they can mess with them by picking someone else to replace them.
JD said he'll be happy to be kicked out of the league after all of the Michael Rapaport emails that they get. Gary said he trash talks a lot in the league. He said he's fun to have in the league.
Jon said that people must come up to Steve complaining about their teams. Steve said he plays but he's horrible. He said right now he's 1 and 8. Gary said he is too. Steve said they all auto drafted this year. He said he had a couple of injuries in his team. He said he doesn't really give a shit anymore. He said he can't deal with it.
Jon asked JD if it really matters to him. JD said he can't finish last in this league. He said that he has finished last before and it's not good. He said if there was no punishment he'd be fine. He said they want to kick a horse while it's down.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves The League. He said last season they did ''Whoa, whoa, whoa stop the clock'' a few times. He asked about something else that they had this season. Steve said that they get in a few things like ''Hello, hello.'' He said he thinks they got one in this year. Steve said last year they were for sure getting in the stop the clock thing.
Gary asked if they have a punishment in their league. Steve said the punishment is being in the league for next season.
Jon asked if they have thought about getting Ronnie on The League. Steve said he thinks he'd be great as a limo driver for Rafi. He said that it would be a perfect thing. Jon said it writes itself.
Jon said JD revealed he wanted to be a script doctor. JD said it's just an avenue. Steve said he gets what he was saying. He said one of the avenues to go down is to punch up scripts. Gary said that would be like Steve saying he wanted to get an HBO comedy special as he's getting into comedy. JD said that's not the same thing. Gary said he has to be able to work on scripts before he can be a script doctor. Gary told him he has to go work on his dream. JD said he will.
Steve said JD can do what he wants to do but he has a great job right now. Jon said he has the resources there and it sounds like he's not willing to pay his dues. JD said he's not going to try and explain it. He said that will make him sound stupid.
Steve said that he thinks he's trying to say that he'd be willing to do that out in L.A. if he moved out there. JD said he knows there are people who add in lines and things in a script. Jon said JD thinks that his tweeting will help him get a job like that. JD told him to shut up. He said he knows people who have written funny things on Twitter and that's what they get to do.
Jon played a clip of Howard reading some email from a guy who said that JD won't be able to be a script doctor unless he has experience. Jon asked JD if he has talked to that guy. JD said he doesn't even know who it is. Gary said he'll give him the contact information. He said he's a good guy. Gary said he's a superfan and he'd be more than willing to give him some pointers.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary what the temperature in the office was when Buttongate went down. He asked what he did to investigate. Gary said he immediately had to figure out why it happened at that time and spoke to all of those guys. Then he listens to Howard to see how long this is going to go on. He said he had to figure out if it was going to be dealt with. He said he got the guys together and asked what they could be doing. Jon said they all knew what was going on and they were in panic mode. Gary said they were all trying to figure out what to say to him. Gary said they thought about telling him to just go home. Jon said that the show could end and that's just the way it goes. Gary said he told Howard to go home if he didn't want to be there. He said it's not his call to make to tell him to just get over it. Gary said only he can decide what's going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who had some thoughts on the JD thing. He said you first get recognized in the field you're working in. Then you get to do other things in that field. He said that he's not going to be a script doctor. JD said he knows. He said he gets it and he's not going to be a script doctor. He thanked everyone for pointing that out. Jon said no one is saying he's a fucking moron. He said no one is saying he can't be a script doctor. Gary said they're just saying he's taking the wrong path. JD said he knows he's ridiculous for thinking like that. Gary and Jon said he's not. JD said he knows what he has to do and what he hasn't done. That's it. He said he's done.
Jon said he thinks that he could do the job if he just took the right path. Steve agreed and said that most of the sitcoms out there know the show and they hear this going on. JD said they hear how much of an idiot he is. The guys told him he's taking it the wrong way. Jon told him if he wants to shut people up he needs to write some scripts. JD said he has written some stuff out. He said he has a basic outline that he wrote the other day. Jon asked what it's about. JD said he's not going to say. He said he's not sure if it's that good. Steve asked if it's a comedy. JD said it's just a short right now. He didn't want to get into it. He said it was something he thought about on his way home the other day. They tried to get more out of him but he wasn't saying much. He did say he was trying not to make it like one certain movie though. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Skrillex was in this week. Gary said his son asked what was going on with the show because people were hitting him with that story that he was on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it sounds crazy that JD could be a script doctor but he has stumbled into so many things. He said he might stumble right into that too. JD said he stumbled into that ''It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'' thing so maybe he will.
The caller asked Gary if he gets emasculated when Howard yells at him now that his kids are old enough to hear the show. Gary said they're not hearing the show. He said Lucas doesn't hear it as far as he knows. He said that his kids will listen to Howard 101 at times though. He said Lucas hears Howard being mean to him and he'll say that uncle Howard is really mean to him.
Jon asked JD if he gets family feedback. JD said he just doesn't talk or bring it up at all. He said most people don't bring it up.
Gary asked if his kids listen to the show. Jon said he doesn't think they do unless his wife is listening in the car. He said they are very aware of some of the things they've talked about on the show. Jon said his wife wasn't able to look at him after the 80 BJs discussion. Jon said that he thinks everyone on the show pays that price. Jon said that's what the fans love to hear though. Steve said they love to hear that and the staff trying to get out of messes.
Jon said when it's not you then it's great. He said that when you're in it then you make mistakes and you can't help it because your back is up against the wall. Jon said he's sure JD would like to take back a bunch of stuff that he's said. He said there must be a thousand things. JD said it's probably 1001.
Gary said they all have their Achilles heal on the show. Jon said Howard is an expert at finding it too. Gary said sometimes Howard will back you into a corner and then he hears Robin but he hears it like on Charlie Brown where you just hear noise. Jon said Fred has said it cuts like a knife through butter.
Jon said he wanted to cover the Shuli thing. He said he was playing a lot of things and watching Netflix on his Xbox while he was on paternity leave. Jon asked if that's fair game to reveal on the show. Steve said it's amazing that you can find that stuff on Xbox. He said this is fair game on this show but only on this show.
Gary said people were asking if Jason broke the bro-code. He said he doesn't think he did. He said he broke something but it's not the bro-code. Jon said he thinks with something like that it's good for the show and Shuli knows it. Gary said he thinks Shuli wasn't that mad because he owned up to it immediately. Gary said he has come out of the studio and launched investigations. He said that he'll ask which one of these assholes did this. Gary said Will sometimes just sits at his desk and points at Jason.
Steve wondered if Shuli changed diapers or logged into Netflix and played games more. Gary said he thinks you can only change so many diapers a day. Steve said that he should be doing 6 or 7 a day. Gary said that he's probably logging in more on Xbox. Jon said they'll talk more about that tomorrow.
Jon had Mike Hambrick run down his Howard 100 News headlines. He was talking about getting comments from JD and Ronnie about Kim Kardashian's ass because they're ass experts. He mentioned Scott the Engineer in there too. Jon stopped him and asked when Scott became and expert. Mike said they're bringing new people into the mix.
Mike ran down a few more headlines after that. He mentioned something about Nicole Bass getting into comedy. Jon asked Steve if he thinks Nicole Bass has a future in comedy. Steve said he'd let her open up for him. He said that it's a sight gag to begin with. He said that she has to write some jokes but they'll be good enough. Mike finished up his headlines and Jon gave the guys some plugs before wrapping up the show. They were done around 11:05am.
Jon said the crazy stuff is normal to Benjy. Richard said Benjy knows he can't go real crazy with this. He said he thinks that he's going to keep it normal and he's going to want people to see him as a normal interviewer. Richard said he doesn't think he's going to do anything crazy. He said he did a radio show at K-Rock that was pretty cool. Jon said it was very serious and he had the Benjy voice and he was trying to probe into people's minds. He said Benjy may think it's entertaining to people and he's going to have to be careful there.
Gary said maybe he's going to do something that he isn't letting people know he's going to do. Jon said that he thinks that Benjy is going to dig deep and he could bore people. He said maybe he'll do something crazy and ask 10 questions in 10 seconds or something like that. Gary said he could be like a kid asking ''why this why that'' the whole time.
Gary asked what the guys think about an over under of 3 minutes. Jon said he thinks it'll be under. Richard said he thinks it's over. Jon said he's basing that on Howard and not on Benjy. Gary said he thinks Howard will give Benjy as much rope as possible so he can't come back saying he didn't have time to do what he wants.
Jon asked about an over/under for Howard staying quiet for 90 seconds. Gary said under. Richard did too. Jon said they've already won because people can't wait to hear what Benjy is going to do. He said he hopes that Benjy isn't setting the bar too high in his own head.
Jon said Beth must be wondering what's going to happen. Jon said that Benjy got upset when Howard and Fred said he was boring. He said Benjy got up in arms because they were assuming what he was going to do. Jon sad he has been given a fair chance to do something on the show for years and he hasn't done it.
Gary said Benjy was an intern there and he showed up in full African garb. He said that Howard played it well. He said it was funny but now Benjy wants to be the Mike Wallace of the Stern Show and it's going to be hard.
Jon asked Richard if he would want to do that interview with Beth. Richard said not really. He said he thinks Howard would flip out if he asked the wrong thing. Jon said he'd love to talk to Beth but you'd be thinking twice about what you'd ask. Gary said he's got a couple of questions for her but he's not sure he could do a whole interview. He said he'd like to know what she does when Howard is in a bad mood. Jon said Howard answered that this week when he said she left the apartment when he got home.
Jon said his wife will be in a bad mood and so will he. He said she just gets out of the way. Jon said sometimes if he's in 3 hours of traffic he has to vent and he'll do it with his wife. Gary said that it's all about being upset with who. He said he comes home and in the car his head is spinning about what he has to do. He said sometimes he'll flag emails and then he gets home and starts working. He said he has to finish that stuff and his son will come in and sit down. He said he asks him to give him 5 minutes. He said they have to give him that extra 5 or 10 minutes. Jon said he's kind of the same way. He said that he needs a minute to settle or he's a mess. Gary said it's same for him but it's never the same day after day.
Richard said he and his wife vent to each other a lot. He said the only time he needs his time is during the Halloween time. He said she'll watch something else while he's watching his stuff. He said she gets so annoyed with the stuff he watches.
Gary asked Jon what he does when he gets home. He said he and his wife sort of go their separate ways until about 8. Then they'll watch something together. Jon said he gets home and they'll eat and sit around for a bit. He said after dinner they'll watch something around 6:15 or 6:30. He said he'll go work on some stuff after that. Gary asked when he eats. Jon said it's like 5:15. Gary asked what he's going to do when he gets old. Jon said he's already there.
Gary said that he and his wife watch a lot together. He asked Jon if he tells his wife what they're watching. Jon said he watches so much that she gets to say what they're going to watch. He said there are shows that they both enjoy so they'll watch together. He said he has a list of 100 and she has about 5. He said the ones that overlap are the ones they watch together.
Gary said the show ''The Affair'' is good for watching the sex scenes. He said you can skip the other depressing stuff in the show and just watch the sex scenes. They went to break after that.
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Jon said some of these guys are actors before they're comedians. Gary said he loved ''Crazy Stupid Love'' and it's not really a comedy. He said that Steve has sort of been making that move to the dramatic roles for a while now. Jon said a lot of people from The Daily Show have blossomed out to doing other things.
Gary said some of these guys say that they always wanted to do this stuff from when they were kids. He said that Steve's story is more of a mellow journey. He said he seems to just be taking it wherever it takes him.
Jon said Steve is very humble in a way. He said he won't watch his own stuff and he just rolls with things. Jon asked Richard if he watches his own performances when he does stuff outside the show. Richard said he doesn't like the way his voice sounds. He said he doesn't mind watching himself. Jon asked how he thinks he sounds. Richard said he sounds like he talks much slower than he thinks he's talking. Jon said he has a tough time watching and listening to himself too. He said Howard would argue that it's the way you get better.
Jon said if someone points something out to Howard that he's doing he'll get rid of it immediately. He said if you tell him to do that then he'll hyper focus on it.
Gary said Magic Johnson was never any better doing his monologues even after doing 100 of them. Jon said that Gary got rid of his Long Island accent somehow. Gary said he doesn't know how that happened. He said he's been on the show for 30 years and he moved from Long Island to Manhattan and then Connecticut. He said he hears those old shows and he cringes hearing them. He said he hates the way he sounded back then. Richard said he sounded much more soft spoken back then.
Gary said he watches the time Adam Sandler played him on Saturday Night Live and he didn't think it was a good impression. Now that time has gone by maybe it was close to him.
Jon said Howard used to talk really fast at NBC but he's mellowed out. Jon said Robin has never changed at all. Gary said that's the barometer for those old tapes. He said you hear Howard sounding sped up but then you hear Robin and she sounds the same. Jon asked if Fred has changed at all. Richard and Gary said not really. they had to take another break after that.
Jon said they had Howie Mandel talk them in and now it's decision time for Howard to go back to AGT or not. He asked Gary if he knows what Howard is thinking. Gary said if it's not no by now then it's probably yes. He said he thinks that he'd have said no by now if it wasn't.
Jon said that Howard is going to be just fine on that show no matter who else is on. He said he thinks that Howard forgets about all of the things that led up to the show and he's just thinking about the fun he's had. Richard said he thinks he'll do it again. Jon said Howard talked about having a conversation with Robin about doing the show a few years ago. He said now he's done it and he has kids and older women telling him how big of fans they are. Gary said these people have no idea what they've done on the show and he loves that.
Jon said DJ Skrillex came in this week too. Gary said that he's just Skrillex and that's something his son would get on him about. He said calling them DJ-something isn't the way they do it anymore.
Jon asked Gary if his son was excited. Gary said he was pretty psyched. Gary said he came home and told his son that they were having him on. He said that people were asking if his son was booking the show.
Jon said one of the great things was when Scot tried bonding with Skrillex in his studio. He asked what he was thinking when he did that. Gary said he thinks he wanted to seem cool to a DJ who is cool.
Jon played the clip of Scott talking to Skrillex in his studio. Jon said Scott said he used to be an old time DJ. He asked what that even means. He said he wishes he was there for some of those events that Scott did. Gary said he did some gigs in Vegas and once he did a Christmas party and of course his wedding. Gary said Scott is a mixing DJ and he just played other people's music. Jon said you know Scott thought he was a masterful DJ.
Richard said that he thinks that Scott is denying that he said ''Hear dat.'' Jon had them roll that clip again. Jon said it sure sounds like ''hear dat'' to him. Gary said he loves that it's two days later that there's controversy over it. Gary said he's had time to concoct an explanation.
Jon said you can see the video of the look of horror on Skrillex's face when he's talking to Scott. They have the video up at HowardStern.com.
Gary said that someone came up with an idea of a DJ called Dickhead and the guy could wear a dick on his head. He thought that was really funny. He said he thought about making his son that.
Scott came in so Jon asked him what he has to say about the ''hear dat'' thing. Scott said he has audio from a microphone in there and he has a cleaner recording. He said he thinks he was trying to say ''I appeared at'' and it came out as ''hear dat.'' Jon had their board op, Al, run the clip again. Jon said no way it was what Scott said. Scott said it is. Scott said he was trying to say something else and it came out like ''hear dat.''
Jon said this was 4 days ago so why is it coming out now. Scott said he went back and listened to the audio after Richard brought it up to him. Richard said there is no way that it's what Scott was saying it was. Scott said he was trying to say something else and it came out wrong. Jon said they'll see what Howard has to say about that next week. They wrapped up the show after that. Jon got in some plugs and ended the show around 10:50am.