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Howard started the show talking about Lady Gaga since Fred played her at the start of the show. He congratulated her and Tony Bennett for their number one album. Howard played some of the song and said he had to pass wind because he just ate a sandwich. He sang along with Lady Gaga's song and said they need a Hey Now! in there.
Howard said Lady Gaga has been in there numerous times as well as Tony Bennett. Howard said they appreciate that. Robin said she's being introduced to a whole new audience. Howard said the older fans don't know how to download songs though.
Howard blasted out his fart. He asked if it worked with the song. Robin said it did but not in a good way. Howard let the song play and did his WNBC talk up. Howard said that he got like 50,000 emails from people telling him that Pig Virus had died. Howard said he was the one who told him how to say the ''WNBC'' call letters. Howard said he kept telling him he was doing it wrong. Howard said if he got it right then Pig Virus (Kevin Metheney) would have sent all of his favoritism toward him.
Howard said he was never an announcer. He said that Pig Virus thought he had to say things a certain way. Howard said the guy made his life a living hell. He said he was one of the meanest people in his career.
Howard said he had a 2nd grade teacher who made him sick just being around her. He said she evoked such a fear in him that he would get sick. Howard said she was the worst. Howard said she was an old battle axe. Howard said he'd get a fever from her. He said he's getting sick now and he might just drop dead himself. Howard said it's a fucking nightmare. Howard said he would get this fever and tell his mom and she didn't believe it.
Howard said that he was working in Washington DC and the word was that they wanted him gone. Howard said they wanted him to quit. He said they brought him to town in New York and they wanted him gone. He said they had Kevin there to try to get rid of him. He was there to make his job miserable. Howard said Robin wasn't there yet and that was a whole other saga. Howard said it was disastrous. Howard said they told him that they were going to hire Robin and Fred but they hadn't brought them in yet.
Howard said it went from bad to worse. He said they wanted him to pre-record all of his bits. He didn't have any bits though. He said that wasn't what he did. Howard said Kevin would harp on him to say the call letters the right way. He said he didn't care about saying WNBC the right way. Howard said they made him do it though.
Howard said Imus hadn't met him yet. He said it rocked Imus' world when he came in there. He said he was cruel as well. Howard said Kevin was the worst of them all. He said he took great pleasure in torturing him. He said he rocked his confidence. Howard said he put a lot of energy into that job. He said he worked his ass off and earned the number one spot in Washington DC radio.
Howard said Fred and Robin saw what Kevin did to him. He said he never fully recovered from that. He said for someone to hate him so much and go after him so much was tough. Howard said Kevin sat there telling him how to say the call letters correctly. He said they shared the studio with all of the other DJs. Howard said Kevin would tell him that he didn't know that they were all part of a family. He said they glued pictures of the ''family'' to a poster and hung it in the studio. Howard said they had everyone from WNBC on that poster. He said he was being humiliated there and he'd send out a memo to everyone about how bad he was.
Howard said Kevin wouldn't crack a smile and it was like he was judging the gladiators. Howard said then he'd throw stuff at him through the glass. He said he was throwing things at him and it was a torture that he took a personal glee in. Howard said he was sadistic about it. Howard said Kevin was there to get him to quit. He said he was just doing his job but he took special glee in it. Howard said Kevin enjoyed pushing him into the DJ oven. He said he did it with a smile on his face. Howard said he took a lot of glee in doing that to him.
Howard said he read that Kevin slumped over in his chair while working. Howard said he always worked until the day he died. Howard said he had lost touch with him, thankfully, once they left WNBC. Howard said he couldn't stomach the guy. Howard said Kevin worked at VH1 and he lost that. Howard said he was quite successful. He said he could be a charming guy at times. Howard said people in management loved the guy. Howard said maybe he was a genius. Howard said when he came to him Kevin went on to program talk stations and he tried to teach them to be more like Howard Stern. Howard said that was the irony there. Howard said the guy thought that he programmed Howard Stern. He said the whole thing was very warped.
Howard said he knows Kevin has some children and he had a fairly good job. He was managing a bunch of radio stations. Howard said a lot of people like Kevin. He said he felt sad when he read the news. He said he felt like Batman can't exist without the Joker. Howard said he was the villain in his life. Howard said he had many and maybe he was rough on some people in his movie but not on Kevin. He said he felt he was too light on him in the movie. Howard said Paul Giamatti made him kind of likeable in the movie because he's such a good actor.
Howard said he felt like Kevin was a huge chunk in his life. He said he was a good sport about the movie. He said he called him Pig virus and he was the villain in the movie. Howard said he didn't remember it the same way he did. He said he felt bad because he was a good sport about it. Howard said he wasn't an angry guy afterward. He said he just laughed it off. Howard said he admired that about him.
Howard said anyone who can have a long career in the business must be doing something right. Howard said that he was told by his father to never be a program director. Howard said Kevin didn't have it easy. He had a tough job.
Howard said he did feel sad when he heard the news. He said it felt weird not to have Kevin in the world anymore.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if he feels that Kevin's existence in his life helped him with his career. Howard said no. He said he rocked his confidence so much. Fred said he was a distraction. Howard said the guy could have ruined him. He said that it's not entirely his fault. He said NBC put him up to it. Howard said if he had just been straight with him he could have been better.
Howard said that if he had ratings from the start at NBC. He said he went right up in the ratings from there. He said he's not sure how he did that with the way they were holding him back. Howard said there is no way that guy helped his career though. He said that he went home every day and shook in his boots. He said he's not sure why they didn't just fire him. He said that he stayed there just long enough for Mel Karmazin to find that he was worth hiring. Howard said he feels bad for Kevin's family and that he's gone. Howard said he felt like he should just be in the world. Howard said he does feel bad about it. He said it's insane because he doesn't feel much.
Howard said he forgets why he had to change his name to Pig Vomit for the movie. He said he was actually Pig Virus. Howard said he opened up the Daily News and read the David Hinkley article about him. Howard said that they called him a creative genius. He said he's not sure when he got that name.
Howard said he knows some great stories about Kevin but he won't tell them on the air. He said he doesn't want to upset his family. Janks said he has to tell the stories. Howard said maybe he will eventually but it's too soon.
Howard said Kevin is dead at 60. Howard said he has the understanding that he was put up to what he did by management. Howard said there were certain guys who did their jobs with too much vim and vigor. Howard said he was into that torture.
Howard said Kevin was very creative at humiliating him. He said he would throw cups of coffee at the glass in the studio. He said that shook him to the core. Robin said something hit the wall one day and she wondered what it was. She didn't know it was a phone.
Howard said he was like a Nazi vampire to him. Howard said that he'd be on the air live and he'd come in waving his hands telling him to cut. Howard said he hadn't said WNBC at the end of his sentence so he would yell at him about that. He said Kevin was like Benjy but not funny. Howard said he knew how to torture. That was one thing he did well. Howard said he was eloquent in the way he did those things.
Howard asked Janks if he's had any gay sex yet. Janks said he has not. He said he's still not doing that stuff. Howard thanked Janks for his call and let him go.
Howard said Casey Kasem's corpse still isn't buried. Howard said last they heard he was in Norway. Howard said his body is above ground and it's rotting. Howard said they're going to get in touch with Casey now and talk to him from the beyond. Howard took a call from Casey and they had a bit put together with Casey Kasem clips. He was checking in from Zimbabwe. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said they just heard from Casey Kasem and they don't know where he is at this second but here he is again to tell them. He had Casey back on the line. He was in Montana now and some beavers had built him into their dam.
Howard said he had the top 5 songs to play now. Howard said he almost doesn't care to hear what they are. Howard said he heard Casey Kasem and he figured he'd just do it. Howard said number 5 was Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj, number 4 was Iggy Azalea Featuring Rita Ora, number 3 was Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift was number 2 and Meghan Trainor was number one.
Howard said Paul Revere and the Raiders were big back in the day. Robin said they were in those crazy outfits when they were playing. Howard said they wore stockings and britches. Howard said they did it too much so. Robin said it wasn't a look they could carry off. Howard had Fred play some of their songs. Howard said Paul Revere was the keyboardist. Howard said he died in Idaho. Howard had Robin guess how old he was. She guessed 76 and she was right. Howard said they performed in those 3 corner hats. Howard said he thinks that Paul is announcing a tour with Casey Kasem.
Howard said they recorded the song ''Louie, Louie'' but their version was over shadowed by The Kingsmen. Howard asked if Fred had their version of that song. Howard read more about the band while Fred looked that up. Howard said he remembers an appearance they made on some TV show. Howard said they were on Batman and Robin too but he didn't remember that. Then he thought about it and remembered that episode. Fred found the ''Louie, Louie'' song and played that. Howard said that Paul is dead at 76.
Howard said you have to feel good about what you're doing. Hanzi said he feels like Howard is his Pig Virus. Howard said he had to be there at WNBC but Hanzi doesn't have to call in. Howard said he doesn't work there. Howard said he's more like his parents pig virus. Howard said he really has to go. Hanzi told him to please hold on. He said he had a couple more questions. Howard had Hanzi say his WNBC. Hanzi had it down and said it right.
Hanzi said he has to talk to him about TV. He said that he has to talk about that show Gotham. Howard said that they have to worry about spoilers. Howard said that the acting in Gotham is pretty bad. Howard said he thinks that it's fine. He said he likes the show. He said he thinks the acting is good.
Howard said he can't talk about TV right now. He said he has another update from Casey Kasem to do too. Hanzi asked to be put on hold. Howard asked if he likes Aziz Ansari. Hanzi said he does. Howard put him on hold after that.
Howard played another Casey Kasem bit. He said he's back in Norway now. The clips were short. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he's not sure how they move the body so quickly. He said they must throw him on a plane.
Howard said that Joe Perry will be in later and Aziz is coming in shortly. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Sarah Silverman on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he saw some of it and it was good. Robin said she was very good on the show. Howard said he was watching some of it last night but he was very sleepy after jerking off. Howard said he was on YouPorn and he found something to watch on there. Howard said that he watched a massage video on there. He said the guy in the video was all tattooed up. Howard said the guy was stretching her with her clothes on and then he undresses her. Howard said he left her panties on but then he takes them off while she's laying face down. Howard said his hands are on her ass right away. He said then he tells her to flip over and the first thing he massages are her titties and nips for like 5 minutes. Howard said she was only a little uncomfortable. Howard said he came after he put his finger in her vagina. Howard said that was it for him.
Howard said he would never let his wife get a massage from a guy. He said every dude is a creep. Howard said it's weird too because it's split 50/50. He said that this woman he knows likes to get her tits massaged. Howard said Robin knows who this is. Howard said he knows someone who got fingered and she liked that too. Howard said sometimes it must work.
The caller asked if Howard thinks Jimmy gets jealous of Sarah when he sees her on a show like that. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said that Jimmy and Molly are great together. He said that Molly is the girl for Jimmy. He said that there must have been something wrong there with Jimmy and Sarah when they were dating.
Howard played another Casey Kasem clip where he called in with an update from Norway. He was banging on his leg to let them hear just how frozen solid it was. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Aziz Ansari is there and he's the hottest comedian in the country right now. Aziz said he's doing alright. Howard said he's sold out 2 shows at Madison Square Garden. Aziz said that's like 10,000 a show. He said he's doing two in the same night.
Howard said he's filming the special too. Howard said he hears that he's also directing it. Howard said it has to be tough to do a show at a place that large. Aziz said he never wanted to do arenas. He said he'd rather do theaters. He said then he figured he wanted to play the Garden. He said he thought it would be so awesome to do that. Howard said he remembers when Steve Martin did that. He said that he showed a dime and asked if everyone could see that. He said it's a big arena.
Aziz said they have cameras and a lot of things going on in a place like that. Aziz said he thought about the show and what he's seen in places like that. He said he found guys that worked on big shows and asked how to do it and make it something different. He said he has a small screen behind him and a giant screen above him. He said you can see the giant him above him so it feels more intimate. He said they never cut away from that either.
Howard asked if he's been working on this material for a while. Aziz said he's been working on it for like a year and a half now. Howard said he was going to shoot it in Toronto but Chris Rock has a big influence on him. Aziz said the guy is amazing. He said he's become friends with him and he's almost like an advisor to him. He said he was at the Comedy Cellar one night and they were talking about where he was going to film this thing. He said Chris asked why he was doing Toronto and told him to do the Garden. He said he had to let motherfuckers know what he was doing.
Howard said most people in show business aren't generous to other people. He said that Chris must be generous. Aziz said that Chris is super generous and so is Seinfeld. He said he talked to Kevin Hart and Louis CK. He said they're all good and he tries to do the same thing with younger guys who are coming up now. Howard asked if anyone turns their back on him. Aziz said everyone seems to be happy for him.
Howard said he was raised in South Carolina. His parents had an arranged marriage. Aziz said as he's gotten older he's asked his parents about that. He said his dad said he told his parents he was ready to get married and he was maybe a little younger than him in his late 20s or so. He said his dad's parents found a family with a daughter around that age for him. He said he met one who was too tall and one who was too short. He said then he met his mom and she was a perfect height. He said that's all he mentioned.
Howard said that they only knew each other for a couple of hours. Aziz said it was more like 30 minutes. He said people in an arranged marriage end up being happy. He said they build to a boil instead of having that boil right away.
Howard said his mom told him that he could be married to anyone because you get married when you feel you're ready. Howard asked if his parents are happy. Aziz said they are. He said they just hang out together now and they're enjoying that. Howard asked if Aziz has to find a girl the right height. Aziz said he does.
Howard asked Aziz about his parents and what they did for a living. Aziz said his dad is a doctor. He said he was trying to find a place to get into the field he's in and he found something in South Carolina. Howard asked if it was tough for an Indian kid there. Aziz said he was the only one in town as far as he knows. He said what's strange is that he had no frame of reference. Howard asked if he felt like something was wrong with him. Aziz said it didn't feel that weird to him. He said he lived in a really redneck town and he didn't realize that until he got out.
Howard asked if he was ever called the N-word because of his skin color. He said he was but not often. He said he got made fun of just as much as any other kid. He said people were generally nice to him and it was fine. Howard asked if he ever looks up the kids he went to school with just to see how they're doing. Aziz said they're all dipping and drinking Mountain Dew right now.
Howard asked if his parents wanted him to be a doctor. Aziz said he never had that discussion about doing comedy. He said that he went to college and graduated. He said he always enjoyed making people laugh. Howard said he just went out and did it and didn't tell his parents. Aziz said that's what it was. He said it was a big secret.
Howard asked if Aziz about doing the stand up thing. Aziz said he loves doing it. He said he'd rather do that than do a movie he doesn't think is going to be that good. Aziz said he'd rather craft something of his own that he can be proud of.
Howard said Aziz is selling out arenas now. He said that's remarkable. He said it's not like it was in the 70s and 80s where they were selling out arenas. Aziz said that they did the Oddball festival and that was really big. He said he thinks comedy is doing really well.
Howard said he read that he took some meetings with Judd Apatow. He pitched 3 movie ideas to him and he liked all 3. Howard said he hasn't made the movies yet but that's because it takes so long to make movie. Aziz said that Howard said something about that and how it's all about the announcement and then it's downhill from there. He said he's so right about that. Howard said it takes years to develop that stuff. Howard said he would probably lose a lot of income if he had to produce the movie himself. He said it's going to take 2 or 3 years when he could be doing the stand up thing. Aziz said he could be making more money doing that.
Howard asked what the three pitches were. Aziz said one was a spinoff of a character named Randy from ''Funny People.'' He said that he was a really bad Comedian and he was very gimmicky. He said that he really had fun doing that character. He thought about doing some shorts for the DVD release. He said they thought about doing a feature about that so that was one. He said another one was where he was going to be an astronaut. He said it would be him and John Hamm or someone like that. He said they go to space and everyone dies but the John Hamm character. He said he plays the son of a billionaire who wants to go to space. He said he and the Hamm character do a space camp type of thing and they decide to go to the space camp and they end up going to space with the kids from space camp. He said it's all goofy stuff like that.
Howard asked Aziz about the final season of Parks and Recreation coming up. Aziz said this is the 7th season and it's the best fucking job. He said he's ready to move on creatively but the show is such a special group of people. Howard asked if it's tough to remember his lines every week. Aziz said it's so easy. He said he's only there a couple of days a week. He said it's very easy to memorize it all.
Howard asked Aziz if he was ever asked to do SNL. Aziz said that he wasn't but he had his own sketch show on MTV. He said that he was doing that in that time of his career. Then he got Parks and Recreation.
Howard said Aziz did a really good job hosting the MTV awards. Aziz thanked him for saying nice things about that. He said he heard about that. Howard said it can't be an easy gig. Aziz said it's really not. He said they asked him to do it another time but he's not going to do it right now. He said maybe another time. Howard asked about writing the material. Aziz said he had to write his own material. He said it just works better that way.
Howard asked Aziz about why he picked on Jackie Chan. Aziz said everyone was laughing that night but he turned and saw Jackie Chan just sitting there stone faced. He said he thought that was funny so that's when he did that.
Howard asked Aziz what he does all day. He asked if he wakes up in the morning and tries to work stuff out. Aziz said he might have a thought or something that came up in conversation. He said that he'll write stuff down and then he'll go to a comedy club and work it out. He said when he's in New York he'll do a bunch of sets in a night. He kind of creates on stage. He said he'll have some loose ideas that he'll start out with. Howard asked what kind of notions he has. Aziz said he had a bit about the meat industry. He said that's a tricky thing. He said that you can't be too preachy about that stuff and you have to keep it funny. He said he will talk about how good the meat still smells now that he's not eating meat. Aziz said when you don't know where you're going to go your brain has to figure it out. He said then it's the part of it that you should pounce on.
Howard asked Aziz if he remembers what he came up with. Aziz said he'll record the shows and listen back to it. He said he'll save the stuff he likes and use them again. He said that by the time you get to the fourth show it's much better.
Howard asked Aziz if he has done his jokes like 900 times already by the time he sees him at Madison Square Garden. Aziz said he has and it's done just right. He said once he does the Garden he's never going to use that material again.
Howard said Aziz has said you can't be a great comedian unless you're comfortable bombing. Aziz said a comedian told him he should be comfortable with silence. He said if you're not then you're just going to go to areas that are safe. He said you won't find the funny areas. He said if you get personal then it's universal. Howard said he looks at Rodney Dangerfield and he had one liner after one liner. He said if you want to get deep then you stand there with no laughs developing an idea. Howard said that silence is so scary on stage. Howard said sometimes he sees people speaking in public and he wonders how they can be comfortable doing that. Howard said you need that comfort level to just see what happens. He said it's like walking a tight rope.
Howard said Aziz is a very quick talker on stage but he's not like that off stage. Aziz said that they don't talk like they do on stage. He said sometimes people on the street will be disappointed when he's not acting that way.
Howard said Aziz talks about Google searching and he talks about searching for the best toothbrush. Howard said he's right about that. He said we're dependant on this thing and we can't make a movie without it. Aziz said he read a book called ''The Paradox of Choice.'' He said when you have more options it's harder to make decisions. He said then you second guess your choices.
Howard said he knew a woman who bought Consumer Reports and she's research things to death. He said he just wanted to say ''Just buy something!''
Howard asked if he can still get tickets to the second show at the Garden. Aziz said he can. He said that the second one isn't sold out.
Howard asked Aziz to talk about creepy men. Aziz told Howard about being out with his girlfriend who is a chef in New York. Howard said that sounds like a great thing. Howard asked if she cooks at home. Aziz said she does and it's amazing. He said that's the smartest thing a guy can do finding a woman who is a chef. Howard asked if she ever cooks naked. Aziz said she hasn't but that sounds great. Howard asked if he likes that she's in a different industry. Aziz said he is. He said he hit the jackpot with her. Aziz said that they've been together for a year and a half now. Robin said that's too long since his dad only knew his mom for 30 minutes.
Howard asked if he has met her family yet. Aziz said that he did and they are very cool. He said he met her ''grandmu'' and he loves her. He said he loves that name too. Aziz said that must be a southern thing. He said he's not sure where that comes from. Howard asked if Aziz's parents are upset that his girlfriend isn't Indian. Aziz said they don't seem to mind that at all.
Howard asked Aziz about a bit he does about creepy dudes. Aziz told Howard about some stories he heard from women about having guys masturbating to them in public. He said he would ask women in the audience about that and there were arms shooting up when he'd ask if anyone there had ever seen that. He said you don't know how much of that is going on and how many people are having that kind of experience at the same time as other people.
Howard said he was reading a story about two teachers who had a high school student in bed with them. He said there are weird things going on out there. Aziz said that it's mostly men who are the creepy people. He said men never have to worry about creepy women.
Howard said Aziz has a bit about race where he says his favorite thing is black dudes who are blown away by magic tricks. Aziz said he was at a party and the black dude in the group went ape shit when he did the trick. He said they go nuts to the David Blaine tricks too. He said it's not real and the guy isn't a wizard so calm down.
Howard said Aziz met the President. Aziz said he did. He said it was very surreal. Howard said he heard he's a very regular dude. Aziz said he really is. Howard said he should have done a magic trick for him. He said he would have been blown away. Aziz said he has the picture with the President and he was with a girl he only dated for like a month in it with him.
Aziz said that the President walked down and saw The Roots and he was like ''Aw snap, it's the Roots!'' He said he was a regular dude when he met him. Aziz said he did a show about 2 weeks ago and he was asked to come to the White House. He said he thought it would be great to go. He said they said they'd try to get him in to meet him that day but he was very busy. Aziz said that they were trying to stay there a long time so they could get another photo. He said they were waiting and waiting. Then he hears a Secret Service guy say that he wanted to go play golf. He said he thought he wanted to say hi to him but he was really going to play golf. He said he was dissed by Obama.
Howard asked if it's a good thing being famous or does it make it harder to write material. Aziz said that he doesn't like being the preachy dude. He said he doesn't get into politics. He said it's not his thing to point fingers at people in the audience.
Howard asked if people ask him to do comedy at parties. Aziz said they do ask him to tell a joke. He said that's a comedian's worst fear. He said they don't want to hear that.
Howard asked Aziz about going to Kanye West's house to do something. Aziz said he went to his house and they asked him to do some comedy. He said he did that and people were laughing. He said at some point someone was in the kitchen making noise and he got up and yelled at the guy saying that this guy was trying to tell some jokes.
Howard asked who he's meeting that he never thought he'd meet. Aziz said the President, Chris Rock and people like that. He said he's hung out with Seinfeld. He did his show ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. He said Jerry likes to get dinner with comedians so he asked him to go out. He said they went to the Comedy Cellar and did some sets. He said they talked about those bits at dinner. Howard asked if he gets advice from Jerry. Aziz said he does. He said that sometimes you need that one thing to make people go bananas and he got that help from Jerry. He said it was so surreal because he told his friend about that and it was really strange. He said moments like that are great.
Howard asked if he's had anyone really famous at a show. Aziz said he was looking through his phone and he actually met Blake Lively. He said he had heard she was a fan. He said he saw her at a show and he said hello to her. He said she was really into food and he was too. He said they were talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. He said he has the text messages that they exchanged. He said he can read them if they want to hear them. Howard said he does of course. Aziz said this is all real. He said this was from 2011 in April. Aziz said the first message he sent was about going to this thing called The Met Ball. He said he got no response. He said he saw her at the Met Ball a couple days later at the ball. He said she was with Carl Lagerfeld. Aziz said he texted her to see where she was at that night. He told her to tell Carl to call him because it had been too long since they ''bro'd out.'' He said he got no response. He said she eventually texted back about Carl. He said he was sending her jokes and she wasn't really responding. Howard said he's using all his wit and charm on this. Aziz said he was. Aziz said he wrote her back and made some more jokes about hanging out with Carl. He said he never got a response. He said in December he sent her a ''Happy Holidays!'' and that was it. He never heard back.
Howard said he can text her now. Aziz said that he's going to write that he read the messages on Howard Stern and he hopes that's okay. He sent the message and said that it went blue so it must still be her number.
Howard wrapped up with Aziz and said he will be at Madison Square Garden on Thursday. Howard said you can find out more at AzizAnsari.com. Howard thanked him for coming in and Aziz said he had fun. Howard said he's going to be checking his text messages all day waiting for Blake Lively to text him back. Howard told her to text him for tickets now since they're selling fast. Howard went to break a short time later. They played a few bits including some prank calls, an Evil Dave recording session outtake and a Tan Mom bit before going to commercials.
Howard came back and said that Joe Perry is there. Howard said Joe is in the band Aerosmith and he's written a book. Robin said he has quite a look. Howard said he would like to look like Joe. Howard asked if it's too early for him. Joe said it is a different time for him. He said he's still dreaming.
Howard said he has said that he wants to look like him. Joe said Howard looks great. Howard told him to sit down and relax. Howard said he's not looking to have sex with him but he thinks he'd want to have sex with him if he were a woman. Howard said it's important to have a look when you're a rock star. Joe said that he's more superstitious than he'd like to admit. He said if a pair of boots work good one night he'll wear them the rest of the tour. He said he wears stuff that has meaning.
Howard asked Joe about how he knows what a good night is. Joe said a great rock show is when the audience is coming back at you singing along and having a good time. He said it's about the interaction. Howard said Hendrix used to do something like that where he'd wear the same socks if something went well. Howard said you become superstitious. Joe said you count on it. He said his son, who is 22, came over and raided his closet. He said he ended up confiscating his black jeans back from him and he wore them the rest of the tour because they reminded him of his son. He said it's not just about the look. They mean something to him.
Howard said in the green room Joe was rolling something. He asked what that was. Joe said it's pipe tobacco with some cigarette tobacco. He likes to roll them and he doesn't inhale. He said that he got bored with cigars. He doesn't inhale though. Howard said that would be more torturous. Joe said with the pipe tobacco you still get the taste. Howard asked why he doesn't light up on stage. Joe said there's a lot of adrenaline going up there. He said what's going on there is different than what's going on up there. He said he may take a couple of puffs to slow things down for him.
Howard said he thinks Joe is a great guitar player. He said he's a left handed guy and he had a teacher who taught him on a right handed guitar. Joe said it was a student guitar and it came with a 45 record. He said he talks about that in the book. He said that there were very few people who played guitar in his town. He said he got interested in it and the record explained how to play it. He said he had to flip it to play right handed. He said he tried that and he didn't know there was a left handed guitar. Joe said there weren't any people he saw on TV or radio who were playing lefty. Joe said he asked Paul McCartney how he got into it and he said that he had seen Slim Whitman and people like that play so he knew it was an option.
Howard asked if Joe became ambidextrous in his life because of that. Joe said he supposes he did. Howard said if he wonders what it would have been like if he learned to play lefty. Joe said he tried doing it the other way but he's gotten so far down the road playing the other way that he just kept going with the way he learned. He said he never kept at it.
Howard asked if people knew he was a musical prodigy. Joe said in the beginning he had a tough time with the guitar. He said in the 50s being a musician went hand in hand with being a juvenile delinquent. He said it didn't have the greatest reputation.
Howard said Joe went to a prep school and he got thrown out for having long hair. Joe said he did and he wasn't going to cut that hair. He said what he wanted to do was be a scientist or marine biologist. Joe said he didn't want to go to college. He said he barely made it through high school. He said the music thing was calling him. Joe said he stood at that crossroads and he had to make that decision. Howard said just imagine what it would have been like to be a marine biologist. Joe said he worked in factories and washed dishes and all of those kid jobs. He said that he worked in a factory where guys brought up kids and families so he learned a lot doing that. He learned he didn't want to do that. Joe said he never thought this would take him as far as it did.
Howard said Joe met Tom Hamilton and joined a band with him. He said they met Joey Kramer and eventually Steven Tyler. Howard asked how many assistants Joe has had over the years. Joe said it's just one. Howard asked how many Steven has had. Joe said that there were a lot. He didn't have a count.
Howard said that Joe has a relationship while Steven will just fuck. Howard asked if he describes the team as oil and water. Joe said that's the way it is. He said that Steven sweats blood over his lyrics. He said he has amazing ears. Joe said he just wants to rock out and explode with all of the adrenaline. He said he wanted to get the audience off.
Howard said as a fan of Aerosmith he thinks that they look like bros and lovers on stage. Howard said it inspires you to want to make a friend like that. Howard asked Joe if he's ever asked Steven to just chill out and enjoy it. Joe said they have had those kind of feelings talked about. He said leaving the band for 4 years sent a message. He said they've kind of worked things out. He said they say you can love your brother but you don't have to like him. He said it's that kind of thing they have. Joe said they started off as kids and they had this vision and a hope and dream.
Howard asked if they ever went to therapy to work this out. Joe said in the 80s they got sober and clear headed and that's when the fireworks started. He said their real personalities where there to deal with. Joe said if you look at their careers there were only 4 or 5 years where the drugs got in the way. He said they've been sober for a long time and they've sold a lot of records in that time.
Howard said Steven said when he was there that he was in love with Joe and he was jealous of his girlfriends. He said it wasn't a physical thing but Steven wanted Joe to himself. Joe said that's one of the tings about the book. He said you don't have to be a fan of the band or rock and roll to get something out of it. He said that things change in life and that doesn't mean you have to stop being friends.
Howard said the original spelling of the band's name was ''Arrowsmith'' but they changed it to Aerosmith to make it more aerodynamic. Joe said they had some other names for the band like The Hookers and some others that got passed on. Howard asked if they could have been successful as ''The Hookers.'' Joe said that the name isn't that important. He said a band can show their personality and the name doesn't mater that much.
Howard asked Joe if things are more comfortable now. Joe said he has realized that Steven won't change and he won't change himself so they just deal with it. Howard asked what is so bad that they can't work it out. Joe said that Steven has said that he's jealous of some things and that won't change.
Howard said Steven was in there and he wasn't too concerned about the whole thing. Howard asked if he wrote his book to answer Steven in a sense. Joe said no. He said that Steven has his reality and truth and he has his own. Howard asked if he talked to Steven about his book when it came out. Joe said he just said ''Good job on the book'' and ''good pictures'' after he saw it.
Howard asked Joe if he has shown the book to the guys in the band. Joe said he did about 3 or 4 days ago. Howard said it's too late to change anything. Joe said that's why he did it. He said he wanted them to see it as a complete piece of work. He said it would be like letting them hear an album that's half done if he let them hear it before.
Howard said he has a theory about this. He said he thinks that Joe didn't show it to them because that's the way Steven works. He said Steven did American Idol and didn't tell them about it. He wrote a book without telling them about it. Howard said Joe did the same thing. Joe said that's not the way it was but Howard can think of it that way.
Howard asked if his parents discouraged him from playing guitar. Joe said they did. They wanted him to play clarinet. Howard said they were afraid for him. Joe said back in those days he had a learning disability. Howard said he says he had ADD. Joe said back then they thought it was a discipline thing. He said he was trying hard and it was really depressing that he couldn't do better.
Howard said he thinks that music is mathematical and he has learned to play guitar. Joe said that he relies on his instincts. Joe said he tries to make up for it by using inspiration and his instincts.
Howard said Joe's book, ''Rocks: My Life in and out of Aerosmith'', is coming out tomorrow. Howard said you can find out about his book tour on JoePerry.com.
Howard said Joe has so much in this new book. He said that he wrote about how Steven stole things when they were younger. Joe said they all did that when they were hungry. He said Steven would look at it like a souvenir or something. Robin asked what he would steal. Joe said in one situation they lost a gig. He said they had a gig set up every month and they could count on one good meal. He said they ended up stealing a slide projector from the room there. Then they said that they didn't need them next weekend. They lost the gig because of that. Joe said that Steven would say he stole it to sell it to get a keyboard to play ''Dream On'' on. He said that they already had a keyboard and he had already been playing ''Dream On.''
Howard said Joe didn't like the song when he first heard it. Joe said he liked up tempo rock and roll. Howard played some of the song as they were talking about it. Howard said it was a huge hit. Joe said that if it brought people into the halls then they'd hear the rest of their music so he was fine with it. He said it worked. He said he appreciates the song a lot more now.
Howard said Joe didn't like the first album that much. Joe said they had visions of the studio lifting their sound up a notch. He said they were very naive about that whole thing. He said they didn't have that scene in Boston like there was in other areas.
Howard asked Joe about the song ''Train Kept a Rollin'' and how he thinks of that as their theme song. Joe said it really is. He said it's emblematic of what they do. He said they're just another link in the chain of this type of music. Howard played some of that song for Joe. Howard asked if he ever listens to their songs. Joe said they play it so much he doesn't listen to it. Joe said he likes playing the songs over and over so he can put something into it that they didn't put into it originally.
Joe told Howard about how they got back to writing songs they way they used to when they were writing their last album for Sony. Joe said they did it one day and Steven told him that he wanted to do it again and he was going to call him on that following Monday. He said that he didn't get the call and then he found out about a week later that Steven had gone over to London to audition for Led Zeppelin. Joe said he didn't talk to Steven for a long time after that. Joe said he learned a new word after that. He said he had never heard the word ''Shambolic'' but that's what Jimmy Page said about the audition. Joe said he didn't look it up but he used his imagination for what it could have meant.
Joe said Steven told Jimmy Page that ''Joe doesn't want to work right now'' when Jimmy asked him about him. He said that Jimmy has his own things to deal with over there so he didn't ask if he sees what he has to deal with now.
Howard said Joe tells a great story about Slash in the book. He said when they were on hard times Joe was broke. He was $180,000 in debt. Howard said his life was in a shambles. Howard said he sold one of his guitars to Slash and Joe went back to Slash and said that he wanted to buy it back and Slash said no. Joe said Slash said he had to think about it. He said Slash was still drinking back then when Guns N' Roses were getting big. He said he wanted to get back a few of the guitars he had in the 70s. He said that he'd come home and some of the guitars had been sold off. Howard asked if he recognizes his guitars. Joe said he can. He said they only had 15 or 20 all in back then. He said that they were recognizable. Joe said that the guitar he has with him is a replica of the one Slash had. Howard said Slash ended up giving him the guitar back on his 50th birthday party. He didn't even sell it back. Joe said they had this party and Cheap Trick came in and his wife arranged to have them there. Joe said that's one of his favorite bands in the world. He said he wanted to sit in and play with them. Joe said he was in the middle of the set and his guitar tech walked up with a guitar and it was the guitar Slash had. He said some people had been giving him some grief about it too. He said Slash was cleaning himself up at the time too. He said he thinks he realized that he should give it back. He said he talked to him about it and said it was getting in the way of their friendship. He said Slash was avoiding his phone calls and he could tell.
Joe said that he hasn't asked Slash about this yet but he heard that someone had stolen one of his favorite hats. He said 3 weeks after he gave him his guitar back Slash got his hat back in the mail. He said he's not sure if that's true or not but it's a great story.
Howard played ''Sweet Emotion'' and he thought some of it was about Joe's wife. Joe said that's interesting that he brings that up. He said Steven has attributed another song to his ex wife. Howard said Joe getting into a relationship is Steven's muse. Joe said he's only talking about it in the past few years so he's not sure if that's what was going on back then or not.
Howard asked about the talk box Joe uses in ''Sweet Emotion'' and Joe described how it works. He told Howard that he ended up making his own and that's the one he still uses to this day. Howard asked if it's true they used sugar packets for the maracas on that song. Joe said that's true too. Howard said that's what makes the recording of songs so fun. They do so many creative things.
Howard asked Joe about the song ''Walk this Way'' and played some of that. Howard said that they had a revival when they did this song with Run DMC. Joe said they were still making the best music they could make. He said working with George Martin in the studio was a highlight of his career. He said that people still like that song so it was a great thing.
Howard asked about ''Back in the Saddle'' and asked if he was on heroin at the time. Joe said he was fucked up at the time. Howard asked if the heroin thing was like the clothing thing where he had to do things that worked for him. Joe said that it feels really good and it's like an organic substance. He said what it does is get you addicted so fast to that feeling that it becomes your life. Joe said just listen to Lou Reed's song about it. He said that you don't even care about picking up the guitar.
Howard asked if he still thinks about that heroin feeling. Joe said it's been so long that he doesn't think much about it. He said once you stop doing it then it's part of your consciousness. He said eventually you just forget about it. He said that's the payoff.
Howard asked Joe about the lyrics to Toys in the Attic and how Steven lost them in a taxi cab. Howard asked if that gives him a nervous breakdown. Joe said no. He said if he had been with him and saw him get out of the cab without them then he might be upset. He said that he knows he carried that stuff in a satchel with him. Joe said there was one point when he lost some demo tapes that he was carrying with him. He said that he knows how Steven may have felt if that's really what happened with the lyrics.
Howard said Joe was with Paul McCartney, Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp and they all recorded together. Joe said he met Johnny working on the last album when Steven was working on American Idol. Howard asked if that upset him. Joe said that it actually worked out well for Steven and for them. He said it was just a couple of months here and there. He said they were able to work on the album out there in Los Angeles. Howard said that they were running a business though. Joe said that Steven wanted to do it and he loves that kind of stuff. Howard asked if Steven is going to be pissed about what he says in the book about him. Joe said he hasn't heard from him yet. He said Steven texted him the other day saying he got through the first 4 chapters and he was cool with it but those were the good years. Joe said Steven is busy with some things right now so he may not have read more of it. Howard said he should have written a version just for Steven. Joe said his co-writer would have loved that. He said they put a lot of time into this book. Joe said he knew he was going to have to put a lot of things in the book that were down there.
Joe told Howard about the Paul McCartney thing and about how great Johnny Depp is. He said that he's a loner and a friend. He said that they get along really well. Joe said that they were recording this thing with Alice and Alice is amazing. He said he's known him for years. Joe said he was free that afternoon and they had played before. He said Paul was there and he asked him to come in to cover one of the songs. Joe told Howard that this song he did was one that he had written many years ago and he hadn't performed it since then. He said that Paul remembered it all. He said they were all in the room seeing it happen and they were all blown away.
Howard asked Joe if he's going to be invited to Steven's daughter's engagement party. Joe said he was invited but he's doing the book thing. Howard asked if he will send a gift. Joe said he's not sure. He said he has to ask his wife.
Howard said he loves Joe and Steven because of the music they made together. Howard said Joe says that his main gripe is that none of the guys in the band came to visit him after he fell off the stage and injured himself. Joe said they all got a letter from his lawyer saying that they weren't to bother him. He said they were to leave him alone and contact his management if they wanted to send him a message. He said that part he left out.
Howard asked if that bothers him that they have different management. Joe said in some ways it does. He said sometimes his management brings stuff to the party. Howard said it seems so confusing to him. Joe said some bands have 5 managers so it's not that bad. Joe said they had to cancel a tour with ZZ Top when Steven fell. He said he really fucked up his shoulder doing that.
Howard asked Joe if he left some things out of the book. Joe said he did. He said he put in good examples of things from that period. He said he wrote about being managed by Tim Collins and how tough that was. He said all 5 of them got together and circled the wagons. He said they did pull together when something was going wrong. Howard said they are still together so they must be doing something right.
Howard said the book is great. Joe said that he's glad that he read it. Howard said that Keith Richards keeps bashing Mick Jagger over the head with his books but they get right back on stage and keep on going. Joe said that the odds of being a big hit are so small. He said that all of the other stuff starts to disappear. Joe said he had to leave the band for 5 years to get himself together. Howard said it does take a strong ego to put up with that stuff. Howard said they make such beautiful music together. Howard said that the fact that they hold it together is inspirational. Joe said they still have a good time doing it too. Joe said that he warms up back stage while Steven is looking at himself in the mirror.
Howard said Steven still sings like an angel. He said he played his birthday show and he was great. Joe said he wishes he would take care of his voice better. Howard said it's a great story and a great book.
Howard asked if Joe had to eat some crow to get back in the band. Joe said he did have to do some things. He said that they say that only the band can break up the band.
Howard asked about the state of rock music. Joe said he thinks saying it's dead isn't accurate. He said that they lived through an amazing era of rock music in the 70s and 80s. Joe said that the album covers aren't a thing like they used to be. He said there's still the hard cover book that's like an album cover. He said that's a great thing to hold in your hand.
Howard gave Joe some plugs for his book and said you can go to JoePerry.com to find out more.
Howard asked Joe if he still practices every day. Joe said not every day but at least every week. He said when he and Steven are making music together it's like a video on America's Funniest Home Videos when someone is banging some pots together and a dog stars howling. Howard wrapped up with Joe a short time later and went to break.
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Howard asked where Robin is. He said he wants to go home. Fred played a toilet flushing sound. Howard had him play her a theme song. Fred played one that had lyrics about her ''heiny hole'' and Howard didn't like that so he had him play something different. He played one from Little Mikey called ''Stroke My Wood''.
Howard said Sal and Richard called into a Joyful Jim sports show and got the name ''Rusty Cunts'' on the air. Howard said he has to play that. In the clip Richard was on the line with a sports radio show and he mentioned the name Rusty Kuntz a few times. They hung up on him and then Sal called in and corrected the caller saying it's Rusty ''Koonts'' and not ''Cunts''. They hung up on Sal too. Then they took another call from Sal who got in ''Rusty Cunts'' again.
Howard played another Casey Kasem bit where they had Casey in Munich, Germany. Robin started her news after that. Robin started off with a story about Glen Campbell who is suffering from Alzheimer's. Robin said he's in an extended care facility. Howard said that's one thing he doesn't want to get. Robin said his kids are saying his most recent wife is making all the decisions for Glen. Robin said she hopes he doesn't end up like Casey Kasem.
Howard said that they say Mel Gibson might direct Iron Man 4. Robin said she may not be able to go see it then. Howard said he won't see it.
Robin read a story last week about Michael Phelps being arrested while driving under the influence. Robin said he's now saying that he's going into rehab for 6 weeks. Howard said he would give it about 16 years before declaring him sane. Howard said he has had some other arrested in the past.
Robin read a story about Comic-Con coming to New York. Robin said they have profiled some people who spends thousands of dollars on their costumes. Howard said he's still thinking about Michael Phelps and how they should take away his car and make him swim everywhere. Robin read more about the costumes and what people are spending on them. Robin said this is to walk around someone else's convention. Howard said it's a sad life.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked what he thinks about the FCC fining stations for using the name ''Redskins.'' Howard said that's ridiculous. He said what the government finds indecent is a slippery slope. Robin said that this is a problem for that franchise.
Robin read a story about Al Sharpton's lawyer who has been accused of having sex with one of Al's employees while she was unable to give consent. Robin said the guy's name is Sanford Rubenstein. She said he was at a birthday party for Al and this woman, who he knew, had a few drinks and he offered her a ride home. Robin said that she apparently wasn't able to maneuver so he had to carry her up. The woman says she woke up a couple of times and saw the man on top of her. Robin said the last time she woke up she discovered bloody condoms on the floor. She ran out of the apartment to get away from him. Robin said they may charge him with third degree rape. Robin said Al Sharpton is saying he's not sure what to say about this. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a rumor that says that the NFL may be reaching out to see if they can get performers to pay to perform at the half time show at the Super Bowl. Howard said that he might have to get The Losers to play there. Robin said they think that they might be able to get performers to pay them to perform. Robin said one of the people they approached was Katy Perry and she said that she doesn't do pay to play. Howard said if it's not nailed down they'll sell it. Howard said they're selling all kinds of Derek Jeter stuff like they don't make enough money already.
Robin read about Katy Perry being on ESPN and she kind of hit on a 21 year old football player. Howard said she just said he was cute. Robin said she was pointing him out. Robin had a clip of Katy talking about this guy Trevor Knight.
Robin said that some people are saying that the iPhone 6 is pulling their hair out. Robin said they say that the seam where the aluminum and glass meet catches people's hair and it pulls the hair out when they move the phone. Howard and Robin said they haven't experienced that.
Robin said that Gone Girl was the number 1 movie at the box office. Howard said he and Beth went to see it. Howard said it was pretty good. He said it was their 6th anniversary this weekend. Howard said that it was really good and he loved it. Howard said he saw reviews of it and it was getting 5 star reviews. Howard said some were 1 and some were 5. He said there wasn't anything in between. Howard said that his wife wanted to see it so they went to see it. Robin said Rosamund Pike was amazing in the movie. Howard said they sat in the last two seats in the back of the theater. Howard said the amount of previews they show is almost an hour long. Howard said he can't spend all day there. Robin said the movie start time was 1 and it didn't start until 1:21. She said the movie was long too. Howard said that the preview for 50 Shades of Gray looked good. Robin agreed. Howard said he does want to see that one. Howard said they had a great anniversary. He said he wanted to tie Beth up but she wanted nothing to do with that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Ben Affleck who was out promoting his movie on Bill Maher's show Real Time. Robin said she's seen Bill and Ben on the show before and they're usually in sync. This time they got into it over Bill's thoughts on Islam. Robin had a clip where Ben brought up some things that Bill had said about Islam. Ben said it's gross and racist. They argued over that for a short time. Howard said that is a good argument. He and Robin spent a little time talking about that.
Robin read about Sarah Silverman hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin said she thought Howard might be out with her. Howard said he doesn't party. Robin had some audio of Sarah on SNL playing Joan Rivers. Howard said he could have partied with her if she had an after party before the show around 7 o'clock.
Robin said an Angels fan was beaten in Angels stadium this weekend. Robin said the guy was attacked from behind and he was knocked out cold. Then they started to beat his face while he was out. Robin said he's in critical condition right now. Robin said no arrests have been made yet.
Robin wondered who is responsible for the leaks of the nude celebrity photos. Robin said Hulk Hogan's son Nick had some of his photos hacked. Robin said they're in various states of dress. Howard said no one cares to see a dude. Robin said some lawyers are stepping up and telling Google to drop the photos quickly or they'll get sued. Howard said that's interesting.
Robin read about a man disguised as a member of Congress making into a dinner that President Obama was at. Robin said this is another example of the security that's surrounding the president. Howard said maybe this is because he's black. Robin said it could be. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard said he thinks that they're just incompetent.
Robin read a story about how the economy is getting better. They spent a minute on that and then Howard did another live commercial read.
Robin read about what's going on with Ebola here in the United States. Robin said the question is if we should restrict travel. Howard said yes. Howard said he has a reason not to travel now. He said he loves that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the spread of Ebola. Robin said the White House thinks there is no significant threat of Ebola breaking out here.
Robin read a story about the Nobel peace prize that went to three scientists who found a GPS like system in the brain. Howard said he knows he's missing that. Robin had some audio of the scientists talking about their findings. Howard wondered what happened to him. Robin said she's not sure. Robin said they found that our brains find out where we are and how we figure out how to get from place to place.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden making amends to some Arab countries for saying that they helped make ISIS stronger. Robin said that he accused Turkey and the UAE of helping them with money and weapons. He's now apologizing to them.
Robin read about the latest victim of ISIS who may be beheaded. Robin had some audio of the man's mother commenting about that.
Robin read a story about it being National Fire Prevention week. Robin said that there is a new mandate for everyone with a gas fireplace in their home. Robin had a clip of a man talking about how you will now need a screen to put in front of the glass on the fireplace to keep people from burning themselves.
Robin read about Pink Floyd releasing new music. Robin had a clip of one of the new songs. Robin said this is the third 30 second preview from the project.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Gary said he thinks things have changed in the business. He said that there seem to be a lot of comedians who work together and they seem to want each other to do well. Jon said that they do have the outlet to do that kind of thing. He said they can have them on their Comedy Central show or something like that. Gary said there are a lot of online things that they do the same way.
Gary said Jackie was always very supportive of comedians. He said he got to meet a lot of comedians because of that. He said there is nothing more bitter than a room of comedians when they talk about other comedians who are doing well. He said they complain about the other comedians and what they think about the people who do prop comedy and things like that. Gary said that he thinks the female comedians are even worse than the guys when it comes to bashing each other behind their backs.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about the arranged marriage thing. JD said he's against marriage to begin with. He said arranged marriages seem ridiculous. Gary said he knew a girl in school who never made it through high school because of the arranged marriage thing.
Jon played a clip of Aziz reading his texts to Blake Lively. Jon said he's sure JD has texting sagas too. Gary said that he knows JD has wished girls happy holidays and things. JD said he has done those things. Gary said it's a good way to let a girl know you're still around. Jon said it is a good way to check in. ON asked what else he did. JD said he might mention that someone on TV reminded him of that person.
Gary said that they have someone in the studio who has some news. Ryan Phillippe was sitting in. Gary said he hasn't seen him since the birthday show. Ryan said he has some stories from the birthday show. He said Robin was disgusted by the dance he did for her. Ryan said that he didn't even know he was going to be doing that. He said Eli Braden wanted to do something with him so he went up and did that. He said that after he did the striptease he got a ''What the fuck was that?'' from Howard. He said he was able to shock Howard.
Gary said that was one of the things that was talked about a lot at the show. Ryan said his friends all thought it was rad. He said his girlfriend heard it second hand. He said that she didn't hear it happen. Ryan said the greatest thing about that night was having Louis CK on the stage with Howard. He said they're the reason that he does what he does. He said he wrote, directed and stared in something of his own and Louis was an inspiration for that. He said that night was great but then the following week Robin said the dance was disgusting and his girlfriend was mad at him for doing it.
Jon said it's always worse when the girlfriend hears it second hand. Jon asked what sense he got from Robin when he did it. Ryan said it was such a quick moment. Gary said Robin looked like when Woody Allen comes out of the sex machine in ''Sleeper.''
Jon asked JD about texting girls again. He asked if anything ever came back to bite him. JD said he may have screwed some things up. Gary asked if anyone has ever sent in screen shots of his texts. JD said they haven't. He said you never know if they're going to. He said he's getting stressed out just thinking about it.
Jon asked Ryan about being there with JD before he became Hollywood Harmeyer. JD told him to cut it out. Ryan said he thinks JD is more comfortable with who he is. He said he can be really charming on Twitter and in texting. He said maybe that's given him some confidence. Gary said he seems to be more mature now. He said that he has an apartment and he has moved on to things like that. JD said he's really not mature. Ryan asked if today's show was about JD. JD said it wasn't at all. They had two guests and Howard talked about Kevin Metheney today. Gary said that Howard talked about how that guy made his life miserable and he was like his Joker to Howard as Batman.
Jon asked Ryan if people respect JD's skills. Ryan said he thinks that people respect the show more than they even know. He said people who follow the show know that JD goes and sees more quality films than they know. He said that he'll send him reviews sometimes. He said he has a real film knowledge. JD said he doesn't send his reviews often. He said he has told him about some things.
Gary said that Natalie Maines was following JD based on his Netflix rentals. He said she told him that he watches really good stuff. JD said he's damn right he does.
Jon asked if JD is reaching out to Ryan or does JD reach out to Ryan. JD said he doesn't want to bother him too much. Ryan did his JD impression and said he doesn't want to bother him either.
Jon asked Ryan what he's got going on. Ryan said he has a movie that he wrote, directed and starred in called ''Catch Hell.'' He told Jon what the movie is about and said he had a 19 day shoot schedule. He said he had to get as much in as he could. He said he played himself and he learned from Altman and Eastwood where you don't do a lot of takes. He said he took his first crack at directing. He said he had to finance the film and that was tough. He said he would have things lined up and then the financing would get pulled. He and the guys spent a little more time on that before going to break.
Jon said he wants to move on to talk about Kevin Metheney. Jon said that you know him from ''Private Parts'' about how Howard felt about him. Howard was reflecting on it and he wasn't there to bury him but more to talk about the people involved in his life. Jon said that these other people didn't have the same relationship than Howard did. Gary said when he got to NBC Kevin had already left. He said he only knew the stories that Robin and Howard told among others.
Jon said that it wasn't the job that he was doing but the pleasure that he took in making Howard miserable. Gary said his dad told him that his grandfather had a guy who used to fist fight him all the time. He said when his grandfather died the other guy cried because he was upset he didn't have anyone to fight with.
Gary said he found out that Kevin died thought someone who had been in contact with Janie the Cleaning lady. He said that's how the news moved around.
Jon said that Howard and Robin handled the eulogy very well today. Gary said Howard didn't change his opinion on Kevin either. He said he kept it as nice as he could though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said hearing that rant today made him wonder if Gary feels he's being treated the same way as Howard was. Gary said Howard has never thrown anything at him. He said the stuff they do on the air isn't all really reality. He said it's not the same thing as what was going on with Howard and Kevin. He said Howard isn't stifling his career. He said that's what Howard felt Kevin was doing to him. They went to break a short time after that discussion.
Jon said he thinks it's nearly impossible to find a band that hast' broken up. Gary said that the Rolling Stones and U2 are still around. He said he's read some things about U2 and how the other guys in the band wish Bono wasn't doing so much political stuff but they stick by him to keep the band together. Jon said that Joe was talking about how Steven does things without the band and you can see how that could get on their nerves. He said that they have that relationship and they've made it work for a long time.
Gary said Joe was talking about the drug years and how that only lasted about 4 years. He said that they got back together after breaking up and they were sober. Gary said he read an article where they talked about how their drug of choice was cocaine. He said they wanted to come out with an album called ''Done with Mirrors'' and the record company wanted to give away mirrors as a promotional item. He said the guys in the band thought it was a bad idea and a bad promotional item so they didn't go with it.
Jon played a clip of Joe talking about Steven going to audition for Led Zeppelin. That's when he said ''Shambolic'' so the guys talked about that for a short time. Jon said he was wondering if that can help a band succeeded when you have something like that going on.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman about what he thought when Run DMC got together with Aerosmith. Leiberman said it was a big deal. He said it was great. Gary said he thinks that both sides were cool with it. He said that it could have been a diaster but it turned out great. Jon said that was Rick Rubin who put that together.
Jon asked Leiberman if he was influenced by that. Leiberman said he was and he has a bit of Run DMC in his rap. Leiberman said that he will rap things and come up with ideas. He said he might have an idea for his show and he'll come up with things that way. He said he gets his creative juices going that way.
Jon asked Leiberman to give his Howard 100 News preview. Leiberman ran down a few stories they had coming up today. Leiberman also got in a plug for today's Leiberman Live which is on at 4:45 this afternoon.
Jon and Leiberman spent a little time talking about the Baltimore Orioles since Leiberman is a fan. They wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be today. He said Robert Downey Jr. and Bill Hader are both coming in. He said he has to keep the show moving today. He said it's like a train. Robin said they're going to make every stop on time.
Howard said he has a bunch of things he wants to get to. He said Underdog Lady agreed to come on the show. Howard played a clip of her talking to Shuli and saying that she would come on the show as she was crying and saying ''God help me.'' Howard said he drew a picture of Underdog Lady when he was doing his art. He said continuing this saga she had a sudden burst of reversal. He said she called Mr. Shuli and said she has re-thought the whole thing.
Howard played another clip of Underdog saying she won't go on the air with Howard on Wednesday. She said the risks and consequences outweigh the good. She said that she hopes Howard understands. She said it's just out of the question to be on the air with him again. She fears being ostracized. Howard said she blames him for people making fun of her. Howard said they are disappointed but they understand.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Underdog Lady asking her to sing happy birthday to Underdog the cartoon character. She did that and sang the whole song. She broke down crying when she missed the last note. She tried singing it again a couple of times and eventually got it the way she wanted it. Shuli told her you could hardly tell she got it wrong.
Howard picked up on Bobo and said he has to be retarded. He said he's ill. Howard said he can't pick up on him every day. Bobo said that we can't help being like that. Howard said it's just Bobo who can't do that. Howard said he should move north of Virginia and he'll take his calls. Bobo told Howard that his interview with Joe Perry was great. He asked if he thinks that Joe is going to catch some ''shrap-metal'' from Steven Tyler when the book comes out. Howard said that's not the word. He said it's Shrapnel. Howard told him to spell that. Bobo said he doesn't know how to spell it. Robin asked why he's even using a term like that. Howard said Steven and Joe go at it and they can give and take it just fine.
Bobo asked if he has made a decision on AGT yet. Howard said he has not. Howard said he has to let him go. Bobo said he's sorry but they just get like that. Howard played him out with his theme song by Little Mikey.
Howard played a prank call the guys did to Tan Mom with Billy Mira playing David Lee Roth. She didn't like the songs he was singing just for her. She told him to go fuck himself as he was singing Van Halen songs with Tan Mom in the lyrics.
Howard said Johnny Fratto said that Eric is part of a chair monument. Jon said that got Eric's dad pissed off. He said it's actually a bench. He said it's granite and in the leg part is where the urn sits. Howard said he saw it and it's very elaborate. Howard said Johnny was saying it's ironic because Eric was in a chair his whole life and he's still in a chair. Jon said it's actually a bench now.
Howard asked Jon if he's felt Eric's presences since he passed. Jon said not yet. Howard told him to report to him if he does.
Howard asked if anyone from the Bunny Ranch was there. Jon said they were not. He said he doesn't think his family would have liked that. He said there are fans going to the Bunny Ranch leaving Pepsi there in memory of Eric. Howard thanked Jon for the call and let him go a short time later. Howard said he had to take a break there and then play some more stuff.
Howard was about to go to break when he said he'll take a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann asked how Yoda is doing. Howard said Yoda is not well. He said that Beth's book is coming out in about a month. He said you can pre-order that. Howard said it's a good book for kids. Howard said that Yoda is ill but his heart is fine. He said he's a pure bred cat and he's got some issues. Howard said he might have an enlarged gall bladder. Howard said he's just not doing well. He said he's only 2 years old but he has the body of a 900 year old cat. Howard said it's just too much. Howard said they're hoping he pulls through.
Howard said he doesn't have an answer yet about the AGT thing. Howard said he'll let them know soon. Howard let Mariann go and then went to break.
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Howard came back and said Bill Hader is there. He said he's in The Skeleton Twins and he's a super talent. Howard said Bill is one of the top 5 guys of all time on Saturday Night Live. Howard said Aykroyd and Murphy are up there too. Robin asked if Chris Rock is up there. Howard said he's not and Chris would tell you that. Howard said that Belushi was up there too. Howard said he was thinking that Bill was in the top 5 but he put those other guys in there. Howard said maybe he's in the top 10. Howard said he's definitely in the top 300. Bill said that makes him feel better.
Howard said he loved the character he played with the puppet. He said that might be the best scene he's ever seen on SNL. Bill said they had a blast doing that. He said they only did it once but people still come up to him and talk about it. Bill said he didn't write it. He named a few writers who did that one. He said they had a puppet there and they just handed it to him. Howard asked if he knew he was going to kill with that. Bill said you never knew when you'd kill with anything. He said he'd think he'd kill and it wouldn't kill.
Howard said Bill also did a bit where he played a guy who was way too old for a field reporter. He said he's had a 60 year long career and he smacks people in the head with the microphone. Bill said they based that on a YouTube clip. He said it was like 4 in the morning when he and John Mulaney came up with that. Howard said it was an old clip where this guy Ollie gets angry and freaks out. Bill said that he turns to a guy and asks him what he wants him to say. Howard said he knew it was a parody of that club but it killed anyway. Bill said they did that at the table and he stood up to do it. He said whenever you stood up there people would be like ''fuck you...'' He said that Seth Meyers started laughing before he hit Anne Hathaway with the microphone.
Howard said he played an Italian talk show host and he was interviewing Shia LaBeouf. He said that it sounded like Italian to him even though it was gibberish. Bill said that was based on a guy he saw in line to see the movie A.I. He said the guy was hitting on some girls in line and he wanted to buy them Gelato. He said that he goofed on him the whole time he was at the movie. He said that was tough for the director because he didn't have any lines written. Howard asked how he prepared for that. Bill said he guesses that it was movies that he watched. He said the director was reading along with the script and he didn't know where to cut to the other people. He said he'd know when he would stub his cigarette out or something like that. Howard said there's a lot more to those bits than the people know. Bill said the guy has to have comic timing too and that's very difficult.
Howard asked if they still have to do the show live. Bill said that's part of the whole experience. He said that the sketches have to be long and they can't tighten them up in editing. He said that the Update thing is something where they can't do a bit with boxes and things. He said they don't have time to set it up with things.
Bill said that he wishes they had a crew watching what's going on before they go on set. He said he's gone out with the wrong wardrobe on. He said they change his wardrobe in 7 seconds and it's amazing. Howard said it's like that with America's Got Talent. Howard said they get these things set up in no time. He said sometimes it's more entertaining than the show.
Bill said they were doing a sketch once and the set wasn't put together right. He said the wall almost fell on Justin Bieber. He said that one of the Boom guys stopped the wall from falling on him. He said if you watch it Justin is so scared. He said he's shaky from it.
Howard asked if he saw Sarah Silverman's experience this week. Bill said he hasn't yet. He said he did see the Chris Pratt show. Robin asked if he still watches the show. Bill said it's kind of weird to watch it now. Howard said it has to be hard. He said he was part of that show for so long. He said that was a defining part of his life. Bill said it's like having video of your old house and seeing people in your old room.
Howard said Bill is hosting SNL this week. Howard said he has to be like the king there. Bill said he did the pitch meeting yesterday. He said that he remembers being there for those things when they had guests on. Bill said that they would all go to Lorne's office and they pitch ideas to the host of the show. Bill did his Lorne impression and said that they go around the room with the pitches. He said it's essentially a way of greeting everyone with the host.
Howard said that the pitches they do are never the things they want to do. bill said JB Smoove was the best with those pitches. Howard said JB brought some of those in for them when he was in. Bill did his JB impression and had a bunch of the pitches he would do. He said they would be on the floor laughing and they knew none of them were going to be sketches.
Howard said JB was on the show telling them about the pitches he did for Johnny Knoxville. He said it was ''Johnny Knoxville, Urine Detective.'' Howard said he wanted to go produce that one with him. He said JB told him about the guy who wears two eye patches. Howard said that was brilliant. Howard said he didn't know why they didn't do that.
Bill said JB got one sketch on which was ''Ass Baby'' and it was the first sketch that Kristen Wiig was in. He said that guy made him laugh so hard. Howard said he should have been a huge star through SNL. Bill said it's a weird thing. He said Lorne talks about what the audience finds funny and what certain people find funny. He said that he tells the cast that this is like being at the airport and you turn around and tell people in the airport a funny joke. He said it's a different kind of crowd. He said Lorne knows that crowd. He said it's not a bad thing but it takes a while to figure it out. Bill said that's what took him 4 seasons to figure out.
Bill said Amy Poehler told him to never say the word ''rape'' in a sketch, ever. He said that it would freak the audience out. He said that's just something you never do.
Howard said he heard that he met Dan Aykroyd. Bill said he met him and he wasn't supposed to smoke but Dan was smoking so it was great. He said that Dan told him he was going to be freaked out the first four seasons. He said he'd eventually get to the point where everyone knew who he was. He said then he could do anything he wanted. Then he said that he'd clock in and clock out weekly and then you know it's time to go. Bill said that's exactly the way it went. Howard said he used to watch Dan on the show and thought that's the kind of guy you should look up to. Howard asked Bill if they knew that he could play James Carville. Bill said he figured it out that morning. He said he had to study a DVD. Howard said he really got that down too.
Howard said he's still amazed by some stories about Bill. He gave him some plugs for The Skeleton Twins and that he's hosting SNL this week. Bill said they did the promos yesterday and it's so weird to be doing those again.
Howard said that Bill had the darkest jobs in the world. He was a P.A. on the show Night Calls on the Playboy channel. Howard said he was trying to get a start in the business and he was a personal assistant. Howard said Night Calls was a show where playmates get on and take sexy phone calls from the audience. Bill said it was awful. He said it was Julie Ashton taking calls and the person would tell a fantasy and then they'd bring out porn stars to act out the fantasies. He said it would just turn into a bunch of people fucking. He said he'd be off to the side with porn stars smoking. He said he'd get a call to get them ready and tell them what to do. Howard asked if they ever had him fill in. Bill said he never did. He said that would be funny though.
Howard said he remembers seeing that show and thinking it was so fucking sad. He said you knew the girls were there to get paid and they were disgusted by the guys calling in. He said it was just a nightmare. Bill said some people would call in during sex and you knew they were just disgusting. Howard said Bill left the job thinking his parents would find out he was doing it. Bill said he got paid nothing to do it. He said it was a personal check made out to cash.
Howard asked if it made him greater because he never wanted to do it again. Howard said it's like Fame and he's Coco shriveled up in the corner.
Bill said they were shooting Knocked Up and they were going through the channels in the trailer and he told the guys that he used to work on that show. He said they had spruced it up by then too. He said it was crazy that they put more money into it.
Howard asked Bill about being Arnold Schwarzenegger's P.A. on a movie. Bill said that he was a P.A. on a movie with James Franco too. He said that they told him to come along with them to work with Arnold. He said they knew it was going to be horrible. Howard asked if he got any respect at all. Bill said that he would just sit there. He said that Arnold once said to him that they were in the same jungle as they shot Predator in. Bill said he'd say he loved that movie and Arnold just looked at him like ''Don't try to start a conversation.'' Bill did his Arnold impression and told Howard about what he said about flying schnitzel in while they were shooting Predator.
Bill told Howard that Arnold would play chess on the set of this movie. He said that he'd be asked to bring him to the set and Arnold would be in the middle of a game and he'd refuse to end it. He said he would be playing with his acting coach and he'd leave a note for the coach to just lose. He said the coach lost and Arnold would want to play again.
Howard said he heard he heard Arnold use the best pick up line ever. Bill said they were good friends and they were just joking around. He said she was a little person and Arnold told her that she had to come to his hotel room because he loved the way his dick looked in her tiny hand.
Bill said he was on The Scorpion King and he was in the middle of the desert and he didn't want to do that job anymore. He said then he went to work on The Surreal Life. He said that was the first season he was working on. Howard said that Bill says that Corey Feldman offered him 2 grand to give him the embarrassing outtakes from the show and Bill responded saying that he doesn't even have 2 grand.
Bill said he did a short film after that. He said he spent a lot of money and time on that and it sucked. He said he started taking classes at Second City L.A. and he went from there.
Howard said that his movie is getting great reviews. He said he hasn't seen it yet but he hears that he's getting great reviews. Howard asked if he is having a good time. Bill said that he wasn't sure that he could play this character in the movie. He said he was doing it while he was doing SNL. He said it was a wonderful experience. Howard said he would think that you don't have time to develop a character while working on SNL.
Howard said that he wants to see that character he loved again. Bill said he'll go in tonight and say that Howard wanted that. He said if it's on it's because Howard asked for it. Howard said he loves the puppet popping up in other characters things. He said he just loved that sketch. He said they have to do it again. Bill said he'll try to do that. Howard said a lot of guys have an aversion to bringing characters back a second time. Bill said before the internet they used to do that a lot. He said people will see it online and complain that they do it too much. bill said only in New York they do that. He said they'll tell you that they've seen a bit too much on the show.
Howard said Bill is on the Skeleton Twins and he's going to be on Saturday Night Live next Saturday. Bill said he's going to a pre-tape after this. He said then they'll go back and write some stuff. He said he's fine until right before dress rehearsal. He said then he'll have a breakdown. Bill said that he has anxiety. He said before every sketch he did he had a panic attack. He said his wife would come in and calm down. He said when Jeff Bridges saw him freaking out and told him it was fine and told him not to worry about it. Howard said nothing seems to bother that guy. Bill said he wonders how he can get to that place. Howard said he got a note from him and he drew a little drawing on it. He said he has no problem doing anything.
Howard said he has to see The Skeleton Twins. Bill said that he really thinks it's good. Bill said it played at Sundance and it was a crowd pleaser. He said people would applaud during the movie. He said he plays the gay brother to Kristen Wiig. He said the opening of the movie is him trying to commit suicide. He said he has to go live with his sister in Nyack, New York. He said that they did a scene where he made out with Ty Burrell but they cut that out of the movie. Howard asked if he has a problem doing that. Bill said he doesn't. He said he had to make out with James Franco once and that was fine. He said you can't just go ''Ewww'' or anything like that. Howard said they should prank call Ty right now and have him ask Ty out.
Bill said that Fred Armisen would prank call Seth Meyers at like 4 in the morning. He said he would do the voice of a radio show guy and say that he gave them his number. He said he'd try to keep it going for a long time.
Howard said he had Ben Stiller on the show and he was telling one side of a story about where he met him. Bill said that he saw his student film and took him out to see Casino. Howard said Bill was 17 years old in high school and Ben was out in Tulsa. Bill said that Ben was dating someone and they had a mutual friend. He said they met and Ben was so nice to him. He said that they invited him to go see Casino. He said that he gave Ben his student film and he actually watched it. Bill said then he got SNL and his agent said Ben Stiller wanted to have coffee with him. He said Ben wondered how the hell that happened. Howard said he loved that story.
Howard gave Bill some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Bill said if he sees the Anthony Coleman character on the show again it's all because of Howard. They went to break a short time later. Fred played a Jack and Rod Show bit before going to commercial.
Howard said he has tape of JD's girlfriend. He said they disguised her voice but she talks about her relationship with JD. Robin said she has to hear that. Howard asked who recorded this. Gary said JD recorded it. Howard said JD asked her questions about their relationship. JD said he did. Howard said he slowed her voice down or something. JD said Scott did that. Howard said when you change her voice they should go up higher instead. He said it sounds like a dude when it's lower. JD said it's fine.
Howard played the clip and said JD wants it to be known that he has a girlfriend. JD said he's trying to be a team player there. Howard said he asked her if he was better than her last boyfriend. The girlfriend said that her last boyfriend was an awesome person and she doesn't think anyone is better. She said that he's better for her because they balance each other out. Howard said she sounds very normal. Robin said she sounds like Jason in this clip. Howard said he's picturing Rue Paul. Howard said that you do get used to the voice change.
Howard said that JD asked her who she looks like. She said that she used to get Katy Perry a lot. She said sometimes it's Christina Applegate. Howard said she is cute because he's seen pictures of her. Howard said it's weird. He said JD gets a lot of hate mail from that too. He said guys get angry that he has a cute girlfriend.
Howard said JD asked her what she does sexually to please JD. She said that she does everything. She said that she won't get into it too much. She said she never thought she could be this happy in that regard. Howard said that JD is especially proud of that. Howard said that he didn't know that JD interviewed her. Robin said it's not that incredible. Howard said JD also edited it. Robin said they could be answers to totally random questions.
JD said he did the interview while she was driving home. Robin asked how that makes it more credible. Howard said it doesn't. He said JD just wanted her to know.
Howard played another answer from the girlfriend where she talked about how she is in love with JD. She said he makes her so happy. She said he's a good boyfriend and she loves him. She said she thinks she makes him happy and seeing him happy makes her happy. Robin said now she knows she's not for real. Robin asked when he is happy.
Howard said they should have asked her how she feels about JD still going on with web cam girls. JD said he just asked the questions he was given. Howard said they should fire whoever gave him the questions. Howard played a song parody about JD still jerking off to those web cam girls.
Howard played a clip of Rachel Butera doing her Little Lupe impression telling JD she wanted to be in a threesome with JD and his girlfriend. Howard said that's so good.
Howard said he's not sure how much more Robin wants to hear about JD's girlfriend. Howard said he asked her what JD complains about most. The girlfriend said that he doesn't complain about one thing a lot. She said his level of complaining over a very minor thing and a major thing are on the same level. She said he'll be complaining about the Xbox not turning off and it sounds like someone is dying. Howard said he would think that he'd be complaining about being hungry all the time.
Howard said that Eric had black outs and he has been scared into a healthier lifestyle. He said that quickly changes though. Howard played more of the clip and Eric was talking about eating healthy food. Joey called him out on cheating on his diet. Eric said he had two small granola bars. Joey said he thought it was only one. Joey said they're all full of sugar. Eric said they were chocolate chip granola bars too.
Howard said that he sees people who are dieting and they talk about what they eat. He said they leave those things out. He said they can't go 2 hours without eating.
Howard played another clip where Joey and another guy were questioning Eric about what he eats and drinks. Eric revealed that he does drink beer still. Joey said he has to talk to him. He said he's scaring him again. Eric said he has to drink beer and smoke pot. Eric said that it's Octoberfest so he has to drink. Joey said that's so fattening. Eric said he only had one beer. Howard said that's a good podcast. He said he could listen to that all day. Howard said if Joey loses Eric that show is going to go way down. They went to break after that.
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Howard said a fan from Australia said the show is great. Howard said that the guy said ''cheers for the laughs. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is coming in later. Howard said Captain Janks called in yesterday and said he still hasn't had gay sex yet.
Howard said that Amanda Bynes was spotted riding a bike in the city and TMZ thinks that she was smoking something strange. Howard said that people get hit on their bikes all the time. Howard said he wasn't excited about Robin reporting that Nick Hogan had nude photos released. Howard said that's his son Nick. Howard said he was checking them out and they're so hot.
Howard said he has more things to play. He said he has a Baba Booey song, a Ham Hands Bill clip from Jon Leiberman's show where Jon gets frustrated with Bill's phone connection. Howard said this is a 15 minute show where they discuss various news stories. Howard said that he would have pulled the hair out of his head over this. Howard played the clip and Bill was asked about a news story and his phone kept breaking up as he spoke. Howard said Leiberman tries to carry on. He played more of the clip where Jon asked about Ebola and Bill's phone keeps cutting out. Howard said Leiberman eventually has it and gives up on him. Howard played that clip and while Bill is answering Jon asks him what is wrong with his phone. Bill gives an answer but it's very hard to understand.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been imagining that Howard is his dad because his dad isn't so nice to him. Howard said he sounds a lot like JD's girlfriend. The guy, Matt, was laughing at that. Howard said that's a very nice thing to say. Matt said he wet his bed at 13 and his dad beat him for that. He said he didn't mean to do that. Howard said he would have wrapped a big bucket around his cock if he was his dad. Howard said he actually would have asked him what's up. Howard did an impression of the guy's voice and thanked him for the call.
Robin said it sounds like he has a bit of a speech thing going on there. Howard said he already hung up on him. Robin said they may have a new Wack Packer there.
Howard said they have a clip of a guy yelling out Baba Booey during a charity event. Howard said this is a great one. Howard said it's so inappropriate. Howard said the Canadian national anthem is going on and this guy just yells out ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey... Howard Stern's Penis!'' and someone yelled at him to shut up. Howard said that didn't go well. Howard said you have to know when to do it. Robin said maybe at the end of it. Robin said not in the middle.
Howard said he's thinking of adopting that guy Matt who called in. Robin said she has to figure out what's causing that voice of his. Howard said he would have told him to wet the bed and have his mother clean it up. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is there so he can't wait to talk to him. Howard said his movie ''The Judge'' is really good. He said he went to see it with Robin and his wife. Howard said he is on one massive fucking roll. Howard said he's great in that movie and so is Bobby D. Howard said he's great. Robin said they were fantastic. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Robert Downey Jr. is there. He said that's some movie he just made. He said he and Robin went out on a date to see the movie and it was great. Howard said they got applause at the end. Robin said they had a great time and the audience broke into applause. Howard said Robin ripped her shirt off. Robin told him to stop it. Robert asked if he gets the upper deck today. Robin said later.
Howard asked Robert about producing the movie and how that came about. Robert said the writer had an incident in his life and he developed it. Howard said that Robert Duvall didn't want to play the part at first but he was so good in it. Howard said he plays Robert's dad in the movie. Howard said it's really great how the do all of the courtroom stuff. Robin said there's very personal stuff in the movie and it plays out very well.
Robert said the movie is going to do well. He said it's very entertaining. He said there's a lot of funny stuff and wit in it. Howard asked how long he's been developing it. Robert said it's been a couple of years. Howard asked if it kills him if it tanks. Robert said it would be upsetting. He said that you get slapped in the face and it eventually stops stinging. Howard said he doesn't deal with that kind of stuff very well.
Howard asked Robert to clear up some stuff for him. He said they're saying Robert won't do another Iron Man movie unless Mel Gibson directs. Robert said he did say that in an interview. He said he doesn't think that he would want to. Howard said he's essentially saying that he won't do another one. Robert said he is contracted to do at least one more Avengers movie. He said he will do that.
Howard said Robert is Tony Stark. He said there is no question about it. He said he read that he made $75 million this year. Howard asked if that's true. Robert said he'd have to check. He asked Howard if he knows how much he made this year. Howard said ''oh yeah.'' Robert said those numbers never really add up like they should. He said this is his complaining. He said he's just not making enough with all of the taxes and commissions.
Howard said Robert has proven himself with the Iron Man stuff. He said he must get some of the merchandising. Robert said he does not. He said he thinks that this might be a good way to push to get that. Howard said he should do a movement called Occupy Hollywood where people go and try to help him out. Robert said he loves toys and he would love to develop those things. He said you can tell when you're getting greedy and you start to feel like you're going for land grabs.
Howard said he was talking to Jeff Bridges and he said when he did Iron Man with him there was very little script. Howard said that shocks the hell out of him. Howard said there are so many comic books with story line. Robert said he thinks that what he meant is that they had a good story and day by day he and Favreau and Jeff would sit around and they'd throw the stuff out and they'd make a better version of the scene. He said he doesn't recommend working that way. He said you can't throw the script out the window. Howard said it's better to hire Robert as the producer because then he'll follow the script. Howard said you have to know when to speak in the scene. Howard said in The Judge he could swear that he's adlibbing because he's so natural at it. Robin asked if he stuck to the script. Robert said he has trouble with that.
Howard said when they did Iron Man Gwyneth Paltrow had trouble keeping up with him. Robert said he doesn't think that's true. He said they can go toe to toe with adlibbing. Howard said the director must not even know where to put the camera. Robert said Favreau would put cameras on both of them and they'd just do their thing.
Howard said that they will never nominate an actor for playing a super hero. Robert said Heath Ledger was an exception. Howard said that he deserved it for Chaplain. Robert said that he suspects he will win when someone else really deserves it.
Howard asked if he thinks he'll be nominated for The Judge. Robin said they were thinking about that when they were watching. Howard said that he's really good in it. He asked if he thinks he could be nominated. Robert said he doesn't think he will but it would be great if they were. He said he thinks that Bobby might get a nomination. Howard asked if you campaign for an Academy Award. Robert said that he hasn't done that in a long time. He said he got the nomination when he was 26 and he was out of his mind at the time.
Howard said actors want that kind of action. Howard said he would hire telemarketers to take care of that for him. Robert said he's very fortunate and he's not looking for that.
Howard asked Robert about doing Chaplain and how it scared him when he was watching the old movies. Robert said the more he watched the more he realized that he was so good that it intimidated him. He said by the time they started shooting he realized he only had to do one thing at a time and it was fine.
Howard asked if he would rather play a made up character or a real person. Robert said it depends. He said that he has been asked who he'd like to play and he never has an answer for that.
Howard said that Ben Stiller came in and said that he wants to play Mister Geppetto in a Pinnochio movie. Robert said he really does. Howard said that the project didn't take off though. Robert said it actually did and it's in the works. He said Ben passed on it though. Robert said the person who reminds him of Chaplain is Ben. He said he can write, act, direct and do all of that.
Robert said that this is going to be a billion dollar franchise. He said that his dream role is to play Geppetto. Howard asked if it's going to be weighted toward Geppetto. Robert said he could play both and then he'd have it set. Howard said that he could make it so he's the image of himself. Robert said they have to erase this so he doesn't get sued if he uses that in the movie. Howard told him he can have it.
Howard asked if someone picked up the idea and now he's going to shoot it. Robert said they may do it next fall. Robert said he has a very symbiotic relationship with Warner Brothers and they want to do this. He said they will listen to the smart things he wants to do.
Howard asked if he feels other actor's envy of him. Robert said anyone could collapse or shoot to the top at any minute. He said it's not like any other industry. Howard said he thinks that you have a better shot at being a quarterback in the NFL than being a leading man in a movie. Howard asked if he ever gets the sweats over that. Robert said it wasn't really his plan. He said he's not motivated by stuff like that. He said he just likes creative stuff and feeling good. He said he doesn't like working with people who are controlling or weird.
Howard asked why Robert Duvall almost turned down this role in The Judge. Robert said that there are some really personal scenes in the movie and he had to trust the director and them to do the right thing. He said he did that and he thinks that it worked out.
Howard asked Robert if he is a content man now. Robert said he is happy. Howard said he was on Saturday Night Live and he won a Best Actor award. Robert said he won a BAFTA for Chaplain. He said he's won Golden Globes too. Howard said he's the only one who has done SNL and won an award like that. Robert said he's not sure. He said he did Weird Science with Anthony Michael Hall and he went to do SNL and asked him to do it too. He said he's not afraid to do things like that.
Howard asked if he went into Kelly Lebrock's trailer and shit in there to stink it up. Robert said that they threatened to do that during the shoot. He said one hot, hung over day they were going to do that. He said they were doing donuts in the parking lot in a rented Camaro too. He said it wasn't Kelly's trailer. He said it was a woman named Babbett whose trailer they did that in. He said they didn't do it in the toilet. He said it was on her set chair or something. He said they were crazy and they all got lined up and asked who had done it. He said that Robert Rusler was there and peed on the shit he did. He said he told them that he wished he had done it but he denied doing it. Robert said he went home to Sarah Jessica Parker who he was dating at the time and she told him that she couldn't help him out with that.
Howard asked what it was that made him want to do that. Robert said it was a need and desire to make people know how outrageous he was. He said there are more appropriate ways to do that. Howard asked if he wanted to make his legend grow or something. Robert said it was like a turd in a punch bowl. He said he wanted to do those kind of things.
Howard said Sarah didn't want to be associated with that. Robert said that was the least of her concerns. Howard said Dame Judy Dench did that too so he's not the first one. Howard said he forgot that he went out with Sarah Jessica Parker. Robert said that when you're with someone for 7 or 8 years when you're 18-20-something then things change. He said that he will try to see her while he's there. Howard asked if Matthew Broderick will get upset. Robert said he will ask first. Howard asked if he will shit in her apartment. Robert said he will try not to.
Howard said he was masturbating the other night and he was thinking of someone who he had sex with. He said that he has a catalog in his head. Howard asked if Sarah is in Robert's catalog. Robert said he would have to call Matthew and ask if that's okay. Robert said they have to get past this conversation. Howard said he thinks that it's right to call Matthew first. He said that it would be fun to check in and talk to Sarah. He said that he's in love with his wife and Sarah is in love. He said it's right to ask the husband if it's okay. Robert said enough time has to pass and you have to be in the right space where everyone is okay with it.
Howard asked if Matthew could come to the lunch. Robert said sure. Howard said maybe it wouldn't be as fun. Robert asked if Howard would come to mediate the whole thing. Howard said he would. Howard said he won't shut up during the whole thing.
Howard asked Robert about being in Back to School and working with Rodney Dangerfield. He asked if he was out of his mind. Robert said he was. Howard asked if he got to know him. Robert said he did. Howard said he used to get calls after doing talk shows. Robert said he had his balls hanging out a lot from that robe he wore.
Howard said he heard from Scott Weiland that Robert has huge balls. Howard said he thinks that Robert wants to be that kind of nutty actor. Robert said he knows the shitting thing is taking it a little far.
Howard said that he heard that Robert peed in jars on the set of a movie. Robert said he didn't want to miss out on anything so he did fill up a few jars. That was on the set of David Fincher's ''Zodiac.''
Howard said that when he sees Robert acting he doesn't feel like he's acting. He said maybe the best thing is to just not care. Robert said that you have to be relaxed. Howard said he's like that in Sherlock Holmes too. Howard asked if he's making another one of those. Robert said he can't wait to make another one of those. He said they're in the process of writing it now. Howard said he should put Matthew Broderick in that and he'll let him go to lunch with Sarah.
Howard asked if he gets the vibe that a movie is going to be big when he's shooting it. Robert said you can get that feeling. He said they were shooting Sherlock and they did a scene and they were looking at the daily's and it really was working well.
Howard said the Sherlock Holmes stuff is really good. He asked if he watches the old ones or just does his own thing. Robert said that he has seen some. Howard said he would think that it could taint his version if he watched too much of it.
Howard asked Robert if he looks at Daniel Day Lewis and laughs at him getting into character all the time. Robert said if that's what you need it's fine. He said he has no problem with that. Howard asked if he'd play along with him or go shit in his trailer. Robert laughed and said what he would do is shit in his hat or something.
Howard asked if he ever envies anyone else. Robert said not really. He said he doesn't think about anyone else being his competition. Howard asked if a director tells him how to act, will he get pissed off. Robert said it depends on the way they come to you. He said it can't be easy being a director. Robert said if he directs he's going to have to keep in check because he's going to want to tell people what to do. Howard said you can't tell them what to do. Robert said sometimes they need to be told what to do though. He said he can relate to that.
Howard said Robert was in Tropic Thunder and he almost turned the role down. He said that it felt a bit too racial to him. Robert said he spoke to Ben Stiller about it and he's such a conscious guy. He said he had just shot Iron Man and then he was in black face in a Hawaiian jungle. He said he thought maybe he had given himself a shot at the title and then tied his shoelaces together. Robert said his dad directed Putney Swope in 1968 and it was like a 40 year homage to his life. He said he justified it to himself. Howard asked if his dad is proud of him. Robert said of course he is. He said it's more than just the box office and all of that.
Robin said he was so committed to it and it made it hilarious. Robin said it was great how the black guy reacted to him.
Howard asked if Robert can go up to Duvall and tell him what to do. Robert said he would never do that. He said that he's not a kid anymore and he's been around the block. He said you don't want to interfere with what's working. Howard asked if he gets pissed off if he comes in unprepared. Robert said he comes in unprepared himself so of course he won't get upset. Howard said that it must be hard to do a scene if he doesn't know his lines. Robert said sometimes he'll have an ear piece in and he will be fed the lines he needs.
Howard said there's a scene where Robert is making out with someone and he imagines his wife telling him to get his dick down. Robert said that must be the scene with Leighton Meester. He said she's great.
Howard said he heard he was on the set of Star Wars. Robert said he was not on the set and he is not in the movie. Robert said if he was on the set he was programmed not to remember it. Howard asked if he is saying that so he doesn't reveal anything. Robert said he would rather not go to the set than have to say he didn't go to the set.
Howard asked if he is friendly with Mel Gibson. Robert said that he did that interview where he mentioned the Mel Gibson thing and he just threw it out there. He said the rest of the interview was great but that was the one thing they picked up on. He said he and Mel are friendly though.
Howard asked if he's going to do everything to promote this new movie. Robert said he's doing a lot. He said he was at an Air Force Base the other day promoting it. Howard asked what he was doing there. Robert said he loves the troops and he loves being there for them. He said he loves promotion too. He said that might be where he has an edge. Howard said he likes doing it. Robert said he does. He said that he wants the studios to know that he's going to put asses in seats and he's going to use his showmanship to do that. He said it's tough and stressful and you can crack from it.
Howard asked if he has ever had to go out and promote a movie that was crap and you can't be genuine. Robert said you can tell the people who are interviewing you aren't being genuine because they don't mention that you did a piece of shit.
Howard said Robert was great at the Birthday Bash. He thanked him for quieting the crowd during the Letterman thing. Robert said so many people are used to being in a car and listening that it was like everyone's routine. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. Howard said he wanted to do the long interview for the people in their cars. He said he had to ignore the audience. Robert said they were witnessing history though. Howard said he knew it was a radio show though. He said Robert got up and spoke and he was really funny. He said it seemed to be extemporaneous. Robert said he had an idea of what to do. Howard asked if he ever did stand up. Robert said he didn't but he might be okay at it. Howard told him to do 10 minutes right now. Robert laughed.
Howard asked Robert if he's going to do SNL. Robert said he has been asked but he's not sure when he would do that. Robert said he and his wife are having a daughter in a couple of weeks. He said they don't have a name picked out yet. Howard asked if he wants to say what names they have. Robert said he doesn't want to say. He said his mother passed away so that's one of the names in the running. Howard said he's going to throw a thought out for him. Howard suggested Sarah Jessica. Howard asked if he wants to call Matthew Broderick and ask if that's okay. Robert said he has stumped the band. He didn't know what to say.
Howard asked if he will now take some time off. Robert said he will not but he has some time off after the baby is born before he goes to work next Spring. He said he's not intentionally taking time off.
Howard asked Robert if he will be a better dad now that he's older. Robert said you would hope. He said he has a 21 year old son already. Howard asked if he ever spanks his kids. Robert said he does not. He said he knows that things have become so kid centric now. He said everything is about coddling. He said that you need to demonstrate that you have to break their will without breaking their spirit. Howard said maybe a tazer would work. Robert said he'll get back to him on that.
Howard asked what he's working on next. Robert said he can't tell him. He said he will tell him off the air. Howard asked if he's doing Geppetto. Robert said he wanted to ask if he would do a cameo. Howard said he wants to play Pinnochio. Howard said Robert has done it again. He said he made a great movie and it's called ''The Judge.'' Howard said it opens on Friday. Robert said the movie is tracking well and it's a real ''audience movie.'' Howard said that it really is a good movie. Howard said his wife told him that if she hated it she was going to sneak out and go shopping. Howard said he figured she'd be good for about 10 minutes. Howard said Beth ended up staying the whole time. Howard said she loved the movie. Howard said that is movie promotion right there. Howard said she won't stay unless it's really good.
Howard took a call from Mel Gibson audio clips. Sal and Richard were playing clips and had Mel yelling stuff. They had him huffing and puffing. Robert just laughed.
Howard asked how Robert met Mel. Robert said he's known him for 30 years. He said he met him when he was working on Bird on a Wire. He said the guy is mellow and exacting and he is passive but also passionate. Robert also talked about Richard Attenboro and how great he was as a director. He said that Robert Altman is great too. He said that Oliver Stone is great now too.
Howard gave Robert some more plugs for his movie and told him how great he and Robert Duvall are. Howard said that it's a really touching movie. Howard wished him luck with the Sarah Jessica Parker lunch. He said he doesn't think that Matthew will let him do it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if he knew Iron Man was going to be as big of a hit as it was. Robert said they took some footage to Comic-Con and they showed it there. He said they showed about 4 minutes of it and he knew it was going to kill. Howard asked if he had to audition for that. Robert said he had to screen test. He said it was between him and another guy and the other guy didn't have a chance. He didn't want to say who the other guy was. Ralph said no one else could play Tony Stark now. He said that Robert really is Tony Stark. Howard agreed.
Robert said he looks back on it and he had to really fight for that role. Howard asked if Ralph is touching himself now. Ralph said this is like a 3 tissue phone call. Robert laughed.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she would have loved for him to climb into her bed when he was out doing that when he was under the influence. She was so hard to understand that Robin had to interpret for Howard.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he hopes they don't burn out the Iron Man franchise. Howard said that they have to get the right script. Robin said that Hugh Jackman has played the same role 7 times and it is possible to do that. Howard said he hasn't gotten tired of that yet. Howard said he was working with Stan Lee on an idea and he would have played that role a million times. He said that he must get bored playing the same character. Robert said you have to know when to stop playing that role before the audience gets tired of it. Robert said he loves the audiences for those franchises. Howard said those days of shitting in trailers is over. Robert said maybe when he's older and crapping his pants he'd do that again. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. Robert said he will be back in April to promote his next movie which is the second Avengers movie. He said that he told Howard at his birthday show that he'd be back to promote every movie he has coming out. They went to break a short time later. They played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy using clips of Howard reading some Eric the Actor quotes.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked who he would pick to replace him on AGT. Howard said he wouldn't pick anyone. He said maybe Piers Morgan. Howard said maybe even Robin. Howard said that his mother would like Queen Latifah. Mark said that he did a great interview with Robert Downey Jr. Howard said it really was fun. Robin said there's no way he's getting lunch with Sarah Jessica Parker. Howard agreed.
Howard said it's time for news. Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody to the tune of that Primitive Radio Gods song the played at the start of the Robert Downey Jr. interview.
Howard said the person who would be a good judge is the puppet that Bill Hader did on SNL. Howard said he'd want that puppet to take over on AGT. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people if he should return to AGT next year. Howard played some of those answers. They got a bunch of ''yes'' answers.
Howard said he was out on the street and a woman told him how much she likes him on AGT. Howard said he let her go on about that. Howard played some more street interviews where people commented on whether or not Howard should return to AGT. One guy said no because he doesn't fit in but then he said he doesn't watch. Howard said he has 3 yes answers. He said that he should stop while he's ahead. Howard played some more answers and he got another yes and another no. Howard said he got 4 yes and 2 no answers. Howard said that he knows he's better than Howie. Howard said he'll go with the 4 to 2.
Howard said they asked some people on the street if they would rather be with Howard Stern or the guy in Chicago who lit his family on fire. Howard played some of the answers and the first one was a woman who said she'd rather be with the guy who lit his wife on fire. She said Howard is too honest. Howard said that she would rather get severe burns than hear the truth.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's all in with Sirius when his contract is up but Fred isn't. What would he do? Howard said he has no idea what he even asked. Robin had to interpret. Howard said that would be a huge part of his decision. Howard said it really would be a big decision to make. Howard said he and Fred have been together a long time. Fred said that Howard can do the math. He said it's been since 1978 or so. Howard did the math. He said this is tricky but he came up with 36 years after a minute of doing math. Howard said he would feel odd not having Fred. Fred said it would be strange listening to the show and having someone else doing what he does.
Howard said that he was confused with the three years Fred changed his name. He said we'll see what happens when the contract is up. Fred said he thinks Howard should do AGT. He said he adds a validity to the show that wasn't there. Howard said what if he wants more free time and opposite hours. Fred said if he feels that strongly about it then he has to walk away. He said if he thinks he was done with it he would have said no already. Robin said she thinks the same thing and maybe those things mean something to him.
Howard said maybe Benjy has some thoughts on that. Fred said he does and he knows what he has to say. Benjy said Howard is good for the show and he thinks he enjoys it. Howard said it's fine when he's there. Benjy said Elisa told him about this article called ''Hell Yes'' and you should only do things you feel ''Hell yes!'' about. Howard said that he doesn't feel that way about AGT. He said he enjoys some aspects of it. Howard said they have done an amazing job changing some things for him. Benjy said that Howard may look back at this and wish that he had learned guitar instead. He said it may not have meaning for him down the road. Benjy said that it's personally good for the rest of them too. He said it makes them more famous.
Howard said he was only going to do it one season. He said he only signed up for one season. Then they moved the show for him to New York. He said that he did a third season. He said it was easier but not that easy. Howard said Beth will support whatever he does. Howard said she says they have a lot of fun together but he has to do what he wants. Benjy said Howard is getting up there in age so maybe he wants to cut back on how much work he's doing. Howard said he's happy someone wants him.
Fred said he thinks he saw a picture of Howard with his hand on Heidi's breast back stage. Howard said he never did that. He said it must be a Photoshop. Fred said it might be.
Robin got into her news and said that lab grown penises might be the next big thing. Howard said he gets that. He said that he would sign up for one. Howard said there's a guy accused of rape in the paper and they said he was hung like a cashew. Howard said he wished he was hung as big as a cashew. Robin said they don't say if they are attachable or if they grow one on the man. Robin read that they're about 5 years from testing on humans. Howard said he would love to have two penises. He said he'd keep one next to the other. Howard said he asked Sal and Richard if they would sew one on their head and they said they would. Howard said he would want a huge horse cock if he got one.
Robin read a story about the guy who is hung like a cashew who is accused of rape. Robin said the guy represented a lot of people against the police. Robin said that the police are looking very closely at this guy. Robin said the thing they find funny is that they're acting like a 70 year old guy being into younger women is odd. Howard said 70 year old guys are into young girls.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Bore. Howard said he's changing his name from Jeff the Drunk. Howard said people are excited about the new name and they're making song parodies about that. Howard played some of the songs that people are sending in. He had one from Eli Braden and another one from someone else. Jeff said he has to stop it right fucking now. He said it's not a good name for him. Robin said it's a great name. Jeff said it's not good for his acting work. Howard said it's the best thing to ever happen to him. Howard said he got him one part and that's it. Jeff said he didn't get him any parts. Howard said if he's not a bore then say something interesting. Jeff said he couldn't think of anything. Howard played him another song parody about his new name by Matt Evans. Jeff said he's been Jeff the Drunk for so long and he has to keep that name. Howard said that's not a compelling argument. Fred played some snoring sounds and Jeff told him to stop it.
Howard said no one wants to hire a drunk. He said they'd rather hire a bore. Jeff said that's fine then. Jeff yelled out something but Robin didn't understand. Howard said he said that he had an acting act off against Eric the Actor and he wonders why he's not getting roles. Jeff said he should have gotten that role but they didn't make the movie. Howard said it takes time to make movies. Howard said it took Robert Downey 3 years to make that movie ''The Judge.''
Howard said he's not sure what happened with Jeff but he really is a bore. Jeff said if that's what he wants to do then that's fine. Fred kept playing snoring sounds. Howard said Bobo is jealous of his new name. Howard said he doesn't want people falling asleep at the wheel so he has to let him go. Jeff said ''Fine.'' Fred started playing car crash sounds. Howard said people are falling asleep listening to Jeff. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about actor Stephen Collins. Howard said he knows the guy's face but not the name. Robin said he was in 7th Heaven for years as the pastor dad. Robin said he was in the show Revolution too. Robin said there is a TMZ story out now that he confessed that he's a child molester. Robin said that there is an investigation being taken up now by police officers in New York. Robin said that the wife went behind the scenes and recorded him in a counseling session. Robin said that is legal to tape record someone like that. Robin said the tape is out there and now police are looking into it. Howard asked why it took 2 years to come out. Robin said she's not sure exactly why. JD had the tape so Howard played that. Howard said he's not sure it's even really the guy but he played it anyway. The man on the tape says that he molested an 11 year old girl who was part of the family of his ex-wife. He said that he molested her from the ages of 11-13 or so. Robin said it was pretty clear to her. Howard said this puts a damper on the 7th Heaven reunion show. Robin said it does sound like Collins. Howard wondered how something like this comes out. Robin said she must have heard something and then the wife made him talk more about it in therapy. JD came in and said that one of the girls wrote to the lady about what went on. Howard said when you see a good looking person you can't believe they did something like that. Howard said it's great that he played a reverend too. Robin said he also revealed there wasn't just one girl, there were others. Robin said that they are worried about the statute of limitations on this but they think they can prosecute him. Howard said he won't be replacing him on AGT if he doesn't go back. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Robin read a story about the right to die with dignity and there's a 29 year old woman who moved to Portland so she can die with dignity. Robin said she found out she has about 6 months left to live. Robin said the woman is going to take her life on November 1st. Robin said she's taking the opportunity to have these options. Robin said it's been a financial drain on her family to stay alive. Howard said he's all for it. Robin said she believes that it should be available to more people. Howard said he thinks they're backwards with this. He said they do it with animals but not with humans. Robin had some audio of the woman, Brittany, who said that she has brain cancer, talking about that. She was told she has about 6 months to live. Howard asked what stage Robin was. Robin said she's not sure she wants to say. Howard said she doesn't have to say. Robin said she needs a moment to think about it. Howard said he'll do a commercial while she thinks. Howard did a live commercial read and asked Robin if she can work that into a True Car commercial.
After the live commercial read Howard asked Robin what her decision was. They played some game show music and Howard said they'll call it ''Name that Stage.'' Howard said maybe she shouldn't say. Robin said she has known it for a long time. Howard said maybe it'll change her. Robin asked what he thinks it was. Howard said 4 is the worst and he thinks it was stage 4. Howard said he thought she was a goner and he was fucking distraught. Howard said he thinks she beat a stage 4 diagnosis. Robin asked if he will be less impressed if she didn't. Howard said yes. Howard said he knows how serious it was despite the stage. Howard said it was so bad that he got reports that after the major operation that he was crying. He said he was doing the whole thing of praying and all of that. Howard said he figured there wasn't a god but then he was praying as soon as something was wrong with Robin. Howard said she's completely cured now.
Howard said it has to be stage 3 at least. Fred said he's going to go with Howard at 3 or 3.5. Howard asked Benjy what he wants to guess. Benjy said he's going to say she was stage 4 based on her not letting him in the hospital. Fred said it had to be more than 2. Howard asked if this is like the Price is Right and if you go under you're safe. Benjy said he's saying stage 4 based on what Robin said about how they tested the tissue. Fred stuck with 3. Howard asked if anyone else is in on this. Howard wanted to get a listener in. They didn't have any money for that. Gary said he was in a meeting so he missed it. Gary said he's going to guess it was stage 2. Howard said he's going with 4. Gary said that he's changing it to stage 4. He thought they were guessing what she is now.
Robin revealed that she was stage 3C. Howard said no one wins. Robin said Fred was closest without going over. Howard said this isn't The Price is Right. Howard said it's almost 4. Robin said it is right on the doorstep. Benjy said that's like her bra size, a G is an F. Howard said he had better knock on some wood. He said he's getting superstitious.
Robin got back to her news and read about this woman Brittany who is going to take her life. Robin said that her family is going to lose their only daughter. Robin said she got married not too long ago. Robin said the husband is going to lose her too. Robin said she says that you shouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing. She's in a lot of pain and having seizures. Robin said this woman doesn't see this as being pleasant to live through with the people she loves so she's going to take her own life. Robin had more audio of her talking about how she's going to do it. She will die in her bedroom which she shares with her husband.
Howard said he has a weird feeling that someone will steal his game show idea. He said he wants to call Valerie Harper to host this Name That Stage. He said that Will had cancer and he wants to guess what stage he had. Howard asked Will if he had a stage. Will said he had Hodgkins disease when he was 15 going on 16. Howard said it's time to play ''What Stage Cancer Did You Have?'' Howard said Gary is banned from it. He said he's supposed to be on the phone to Valerie Harper. Gary said she's not up yet. Howard guessed he was at stage 3. Robin said she's thinking the same. Howard said he's writing that down since he's the host. Fred asked if they did radiation. Will said they did everything. He said he had bone marrow transplant too. Fred said he's going with Stage 4. Howard said Will wrote him a letter and it was pretty bad at the time. He said if he knew he was going to live he wouldn't have called.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy went with Stage 4. Howard asked Will what Stage he was. Will said that Fred and Benjy were correct. He said that stage 4 means that you have cancer in a major organ. Robin said it's in a vital organ and it has spread. Will said he was double fucked. Will said this is the world's most depressing game. Robin said Joan Lunden is also in this group now. Howard told her to keep that quiet because that's next week's game.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that if Howard does AGT again he has to just enjoy himself. He said he makes himself miserable. Howard said he's just miserable. Howard said he would rather be doing something else but if he leaves he may regret it. Howard said Ralph has the most fun at AGT. He said he's at the Craft Services table all the time. He said he's getting free food. Howard said he's a bachelor and claims he diets all the time but he eats every piece if shit. Ralph said that's where everyone hangs out.
Ralph told Howard that The Flash is on tonight and it's really good. He said he has seen it. Howard said David Hinkley gave it a bad review. Ralph said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard asked if he watched the finale of The Strain. Ralph said he hasn't seen it. He asked if they had a lot of the hooded guys. Howard said there were some. Ralph said they're so cool.
Howard asked Ronnie to talk about Ralph at Craft Services. Ronnie came in and said that's where Ralph is always hanging out. He said that when Howard needed him that's where Ralph was. He said he's either there or getting Starbucks. Ralph said he doesn't go to Starbucks. He said Ronnie just makes shit up.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has any comments about the secret service fuck ups. Ronnie said he just wants to know what the fuck is going on over there. He said he could do a better job than they are.
Robin said that Portland is one of 5 states where you can take your own life. Robin said it's Washington, Montana and Vermont as well as Washington. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a black bear cub being found dead in Central Park. Robin said they think it's a case of animal cruelty. Howard said their blind cat, Bella, fell into their garbage can trying to get to him. He said he was thinking about how someone did that to her and he doesn't get how anyone could hurt an animal like that. He said he just doesn't get it. Robin read more about the bear in Central Park and how they think it was brought there. Robin said they found stab wounds on the bear.
Robin read about how Ebola is in the news and how they're not going to close the borders. Robin said that Rush Limbaugh says that Obama won't close the borders because he's getting revenge for slavery.
Robin read a story about how some people think the FOX news anchors are being stupid about the Ebola stories. Robin said they say they're calling Ebola the ISIS if infectious agents. Robin had some audio of a couple of people talking about that on FOX News. Robin said they say that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is being too alarmist as well. Robin had some audio of her talking to someone and asking about restricting flights. The guy said that just doesn't work. Howard said we live in a world that's smaller than ever. He said there is no real way to stop something like this. He said we're in a global village. Howard said you don't know if someone has Ebola and where they're coming from. Robin said it's similar to AIDS and how people were ostracized and shunned. Robin said there are people in Texas keeping their kids out of school over this. Robin said this isn't an airborne thing. She said it's not that easy to catch it.
Robin read a story about some scientists who are being honored for their LED light technology. Robin said she thinks TV screens and other things are lit by LED. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the scientists who did this.
Robin read about a 9 year old who was signed to the Utah Jazz for one day. He has leukemia. Robin said he went out and played with the players and had a good time.
Robin read a story about how much time college students are spending on their cell phones. Howard said he's going to say it's about 5-7 hours. Robin said they say it's up to 10 hours a day. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about how Indiana won't be hearing a case on gay marriage there. Robin said that people in limbo are allowed to get married now. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said that also means that other states will have to allow gay marriage.
Robin had some audio of a teen crying after dental surgery demanding to see Beyonce. Howard played some audio of Beyonce's music and then the kid crying after surgery. The kid's mother was saying that she wasn't able to make it. Howard said that he might be available. Robin said the kid woke up from surgery asking for Beyonce. Fred played some audio of Benjy saying ''I ate my brother'' as they were talking about that.
Robin read a story about Beyonce going out on tour and TMZ is saying that she changed some lyrics to the F-word and she may have been aiming them at Nick Cannon. Robin said that she has kept that quiet from public until last month until it because public. Howard said he knows nothing about that. He said it's none of his business.
Robin said Raven Simone was talking to Oprah about a tweet she sent out a year ago that made it seem like she was coming out of the closet. She's now saying she doesn't want to be labeled. She said she wants to be known as a human who is human. She said she doesn't want to be known as an African American either. She wants to be an American. Robin had some clips from that interview that Howard played. Robin said she has to agree with Raven about parceling the Americans.
Robin read a story about Teresa Giudice who made a plea bargain thinking it was going to keep her out of jail. Now she's finding out she has to do 15 months in prison. Robin had some audio of Teresa saying that she has to understand things before she signs them. She said she can't trust anyone anymore. Robin said she says that she assumed the deal meant she would get no jail time. Howard said she didn't ask. Robin said she got 14 months in prison. She's going to do her time and then her husband will do his. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show after that. They were done around 10:20am.
Jon said Bill Hader was so good on the show. He said that some of those stories he told were so funny. Gary said that he was talking about JB Smoove and he sounded just like him.
Jon said he wanted to talk about JD and his interview with his girlfriend. JD said he wanted to be a team player and did the interview. He said she won't come on the show. He said that just won't happen. Jon said that he doesn't believe him. Gary said he should never say never. Jon said next thing you know it'll be the Harmeyer couple. JD said he gave her the sheet and she answered the questions. He said they didn't go over them ahead of time. He said he told her to just answer what she was comfortable.
Gary asked JD if he would take 5 grand to have her in the studio with her head covered in a sack with the mouth cut out. Gary asked if she would take 10 grand. JD said he doubts it. Gary said 10 grand might be the highest he can go. JD said he doesn't know. He said if he keeps upping the price it might happen. Jon said he can be bought then. JD said maybe. JD said if she wants to come on she can but she may not want to because of her employer. Jon said that money must be talking. JD said it is in his mind but he doesn't think she would do it. Jon asked if he would encourage her. JD said not at all. Gary said he has to talk to the people at Hot Tub Time Machine 2 about that to find out how much they're willing to pay.
Jon asked if any of her answers surprised him. JD said not really. Jon asked if he expected her answer about the sex thing. JD said there were no surprises. Gary said he was surprised. JD said he can't really help him with that. Jon asked what he's talking about. Gary said he thinks that he's making a joke about having sex with him.
Jon said that JD is heading down a slippery slope. He said he has to be careful. JD said he's trying. He said he's also trying to be a team player. Jon said that you do get into some weird territory at times. JD asked if Gary ever got into anything like that. Gary said he took Mary somewhere and Robin was there and talked about it on the air the next day. He said that became a whole discussion about how he could possibly have a pretty girlfriend.
Gary said they had a vacation once and Howard changed the date. He said he kept his vacation days because he had tickets already. He said that Howard called him while they were on vacation and Howard asked to speak to her then. He said there was a lot of that. He said Mary hasn't been on the air much. JD asked why that can't happen with him. Gary said that's what they have to decide. He said that's up to JD and his girlfriend. Jon said that JD doesn't have to do it. He said everyone would be excited to see her on the air. Jon said money talks. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Gary didn't have any doubt that he could pull that out. Gary said he had seen Nils on stage and he would jump and do flips on stage at the time. He said Howard wasn't in shape at the time. He said he was winded while playing. Nils said he played all the time and maybe 4 or 5 days a week at times. He said it was a hilarious hour of TV but Howard never did get up to be a good basketball payer.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard challenged Nils to play. Jon said Nils went right for it. Nils said that Howard thought it would be impossible to beat him. Nils said he insisted that Howard pay his bet too. He said Robin helped out with that.
Gary said that was probably 1991. He said that they took out the NJ Nets floor to play on so it was great. Gary said Nils was also being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when he saw him last. Nils said that his wife is a huge fan of Howard's. He said that she listens to everything. Nils said she wanted to get Gary into that empty seat there. He said he's glad he got in because he thinks he enjoyed it. Gary said he plopped down just as they were inducting the band. Gary said he got to see it all first hand. He said after that they inducted Hall & Oates. He said it was an amazing night because he saw the Foo Fighters right after that. Nils said he's so glad Gary got to come over there.
Gary said it was a long time coming for the band so it was great to be there for that. Nils talked about how great it was to hear Clarence's voice in that induction too. Jon said that Smokey Robinson was on the show recently and they were talking about how he got in before his band did. Jon asked why that's the way it is. Nils said it's the bureaucracy of the whole thing. He said that Bruce should have gotten in with the band and then given it to him as a solo artist. Nils said that it was a beautiful night but he wishes that they had gotten it done earlier.
Jon asked Gary if he wanted to go up and accept the award with them. Gary said he's not a nutty fan like that. Nils said he was looking at Peter Gabriel while his wife was saying ''Oh, there's Gary Dell'Abate!'' He said he knows Gary is a big fan. He said that it was nice and they didn't take themselves too seriously. He said his wife brought Gary over and it was great to be able to do that.
Jon asked Nils about how he would explain how Howard changed his ascent to where he is now. He said he used to be treated as an outcast. Gary asked what it was like in DC. Nils said they did the Match Game and it was just funny stuff. He said that it wasn't that Gonzo type journalism. He said he liked Howard and then he got to New York and he exploded. He said Howard does the best interviews in the world. He said if he talks about strippers they might tune away for a half hour or so.
Gary said they had Steven Van Zandt up there and they were talking about how they always have the new guy in the band. Nils is that guy but he's been in the band for 34 years now. Gary said that it's all about what Bruce wants. Nils said he's open to hearing what everyone has to say but he may pass on some things. Nils said they used to do 3 hour sound checks and then a 4 hour gig. He said that they knew they would play songs that weren't on the set list. He said that Bruce does things differently now. He said that doing a 3 hour sound check can take a lot out of you.
Gary said Nils has a new project going on so he wants to talk to him about that. Nils said Bruce was a fan of his before he was in the band. He told Gary about how he followed Bruce and he was a big admirer of his. He said that they had the same views of music. He said in 1984 Steve went to do his solo thing and Bruce asked him to come up and jam with the band for a few days. He said he didn't bother to grill him but he thought it might be an audition for the band. Nils said he spent 2 days jamming. He said that he loved the band and Bruce asked him to join the band after that. He said he befriended Neil Young as well and he went out to play with him.
Nils said that he loves being in bands. He said he's happy to lead a band but he likes to wake up and not be the boss sometimes. He said being in a band is what he loves the most.
Gary said that Neil Young is coming in next week. Nils said he and his wife can't wait. He said they're looking forward to it. Jon said Howard has waited to talk to Neil for a long time. Nils said he's sure it'll be one of the great interviews.
Jon said that Nils has a new album set out called ''Face the Music''. Nils said that 18 months ago this record company came to him asking to do a box set and he picked all of the songs on the set. He told the guys what's in the set and said they have a great story in the booklet that he wrote. He said that he's really proud of it. Nils said it's great to have this stuff out after being out of print for a while.
Gary told Nils that Howard is playing a little guitar now. Nils said it's great therapy so that's good to hear. He said he teaches people with his beginner school. You can find out more about that at NilsLofgren.com. Jon wrapped up with Nils and let him go as they were going to break.
Jon said that Robert Downey Jr. is the ultimate American movie star. Gary said he came back bigger and better than ever. Gary said the other night they were watching TV and they had Weird Science on. He said his son Lucas didn't want to watch that but he stuck with it and watched the whole thing. He said that really was a funny movie.
Gary said he thinks that Robert's body of work shows that he should win an award. He said that the Geppetto thing makes sense to him now. Jon said if you have that talent and ability then he can pull it off. Gary said if he's in the movie and it means that much to him then he's willing to trust it'll be good.
Jon said that Howard was trying to broker the lunch with Sarah Jessica Parker. He said that brings up the lunch with the ex thing. Gary said that he doesn't think he's ever hung out with any of Mary's ex's. He said that he had an ex that they used to bump into a lot. He said that Mary would always bust his balls over her because it wasn't his best work.
Lisa G was in so Jon asked her about that. Lisa said maybe if she was married the dynamics could be different. She said that she wants to know what Gary means by Mary hiding her ex's. Gary said that he can name them but he hasn't seen them much. He said he thinks that he saw one at a party once but he hasn't met them. Gary said one guy was much taller and much better looking than him.
Jon said that Robert Downey Jr. wanted to be known as the wild actor. That's what led to that story about him shitting in the trailer. Jon said that he was saying that it was funny at the time. Gary said he doesn't think Howard would respond well if someone did that to him on the set of a movie. Jon said he would not.
Jon said Howard holds a special place in Robert's heart. He said that he got annoyed with people who weren't paying attention during the birthday bash. Gary said Robert was going to do something during the show early on but that got moved to later on. Gary said that he didn't mind sitting through the entire show. Gary said he didn't have to do that. He said he was a fan sitting through the show and he wanted to give it the respect it needs. Jon said he's just as dedicated as a fan like Bobo.
Jon said that Howard pointed out that Robert was nominated for an Oscar and he was the first one from SNL to get that. Gary said Bill Murray was also nominated but that came later.
Jon said that Bill Hader was on today and it was cool hearing his perspective on going back to work on SNL. He said that what really stood out was the story about Dan Aykroyd telling him how the career was going to go on SNL and he called it right. Gary said that's not how it went for Dan though. He said they had notoriety almost immediately. Gary said the other thing that's big for Hader is that Dan told him he'd be big and this is how he should handle it. Jon said that Hartman could have been in that conversation too. He said he's amazed at what they can do with all of those characters they do. Gary said the guy who reminds him of those guys is Fred Norris. He said that he can do a lot of characters too. Jon said he thinks that's an apt analogy.
Jon said that the Arnold stories that Bill Hader told were great too. Gary said that you think being a P.A. is great but then he realized he got the job because no one else wanted that job. He said that your job is to get the star from A to B and no one cares what the reason is for him not showing up.
Gary said he was at a show once and the cashier there didn't care who you were. He said that this kid came up saying he had to check out immediately because the apples were for David Letterman. The cashier told the guy to get to the back of the line because she didn't care.
Jon had Lisa G run down some headlines for today's Howard 100 News. Lisa ran down a few headlines quickly and then Jon wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:15am.
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Howard started the show doing his talk up of ''Come to my Window'' as a WNBC announcer. Fred started the ''Great American Nightmare'' song and played some clips of Benjy screaming after that. Howard told him to let it out before the show starts.
Howard said it never fails to amaze him when he hears grown men talking about football. He said this is in a game and the announcers carry on over one man throwing a ball to another man and the other man catches it. He said they don't get this excited over anything important. Howard said the first time a guy gets laid he should carry on like this. He played the clip and the announcers were screaming as the guy scored a touchdown. Howard said he should have been that excited when he got out of Hartford. Howard said maybe when you graduate college you should scream like that. He said it shouldn't be for some guy catching a ball.
Howard said maybe the first time you put your penis in a woman. He said he didn't even do that. Howard said that ended too soon though. Howard said she was out of there real quick. Howard replayed the clip and tried to get that excited about cumming.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who asked who he would let his daughters date on the show if he had to. Howard said no fucking way to Benjy. Howard said he's too peculiar. Howard said Elisa is a fabulous looking woman but he can't let go of her and break away. He said he's all over the place. Howard said he thinks he's King Tut but he can't commit. Howard said he would be a nightmare.
Howard said Fred is a good guy but he's odd too. Howard said Fred is solid but he's not sure he'd want to see him on holidays. Howard said Gary is a good guy. He said maybe Jon Hein would be a good pick. He said he doesn't even jerk off. Howard said Fred may not. Fred said he does. Howard said Fred is a good dude but he thinks he'd let Jon Hein date them. He said that he's a nice guy and he's sort of a-sexual. Howard said he won't beg the girls for a blow job. He said that he'll go which ever way he needs to.
Howard said Jon Hein isn't spanking or doing anything weird like that. Fred said they don't know that for sure. Howard said he doesn't know but the question was asked.
Robin asked about Jason and Will. Howard said Will has some anger under the surface. Howard said Jason is obese and he's not sure he'd want to look at that and watch him eat. Howard said he's shitting and farting and doing all of that. He said he's got the weed too. Howard said Richard and Sal are out. Howard said he's not sure why they're there around him.
Gary asked about JD. Howard said JD is seriously deranged. Howard said he doesn't want his daughters with a guy who is on with web cam girls. Howard said he's fine with anything else but not web cam girls. Howard said that's another act of perversion. He said Jon Hein wears mom jeans. He said he's the least threatening kind of guy. Howard said he won't be pushy sexually. He said he is just nice and he watches TV as a sport. Howard said he and Jon were just talking about The Strain and how much they enjoyed that. Howard said he can talk to him. Wolfie said he can help him with his computers too. Howard said no women are throwing themselves at him either. Fred said he had 80 chicks though. Howard said that's bullshit. He said even if he did that's fine.
Howard said Jon Hein is his guy. Robin asked about Steve Brandano. Howard said he's okay too but Jon is his guy. He said that JD can't even get out a sentence. He said he heard him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He played a clip of JD talking about his girlfriend and the guys asked him if he would let his girlfriend come on the show for 5,000 bucks. JD said no but then when Gary said 10,000 he said maybe.
Howard said JD made a little sense there. He played another clip where he was mumbling and trying to get a sentence out but it didn't make much sense. Howard said he's not going to listen to that on holidays. Wolfie said that would be brutal.
Howard asked Fred who he would pick for his daughter. Fred said he might pick someone who is younger. Howard told him to forget about age. Fred said Jon might be one. He said that he might go with Nick Ruckert. Howard said he has to pick someone who people know. Fred said Nick is a great guy. Benjy said he looks like Ben Barto. Howard asked who that is.
Fred asked where Wolfie is in that. Howard said Wolfie isn't that weird. He said he's a nice looking guy and he's in shape. Robin said he's mentally weird. Howard said you expect him to look strange but he's not. Fred said you think he's nerdy but he's not. Howard said he wouldn't let Wolfie near Benjy though. Wolfie said Robin has said some odd things. That led to Robin talking about having a cold is the body's way of crying. Howard let Wolfie go after that.
Howard said he was thinking about all of the movies that Bill has been in. He had Will come in and read off the list of movies.
Howard said he got an email about how Mariann and Bobo don't add anything to the show. Howard said that he had complaints about Ralph too. Mariann was saying something about Robert Downey Jr. and his appearance yesterday. Howard cut her off when Gary came in with the list of movies that Bill Murray has been in.
Mariann said that he's so cool that he doesn't do too many things. She asked if Howard has decided on AGT yet. Howard said he hasn't. Howard said he had to talk to his psychiatrist about that. He said he doesn't know himself and he doesn't know what to do about that yet. Robin asked when he's going to introduce himself to himself. Howard said she could be a psychiatrist. Howard said that's what he talks about.
Howard said he likes being at AGT. He said he got a note from Jerry Lewis about how much he likes him on AGT. Howard said he might have to do it again. Then he's running around like a maniac trying to get things done. He said that they have meetings there on Tuesdays and he has to get a lot of work done. Howard said then he thinks about how busy he is and he has no time to do anything. He said he took his wife out to dinner last night and he was thinking about work getting stressed out. He said then AGT comes out and he has to fly out to Los Angeles. He said he has to take vacation time to work on that. Howard said he's miserable everywhere. He said the only time he's not miserable is when he's in his room doing the stuff he likes to do. He said sometimes he does the Heiny Dance in his room alone. He said that's what he likes doing.
Howard said that he will put her on with her and tell her that he's dying. Hanzi said that's cool. Howard said he's pretty sure that she's not into little, fat virgins. Hanzi said he doesn't have AIDS or anything like that. Howard said he has something more contagious. Howard said he has the nightmare that is you. Hanzi told him to come on. Howard said he's going to tell her that he's dying of cancer and that's what's making him fat.
Hanzi asked if he would let his daughter date him. Howard said he doesn't lay any trips on them but if they brought Hanzi home he would put his foot down. Howard said he would disown them. He said he would do everything in his power to put a stop to that. Howard said he would do everything he could to make sure that wouldn't happen. Howard said there are parents who have kids who join a cult and they kidnap them back and reprogram their kids. Howard said that's what he would do to his kids.
Hanzi said he's less fucked up than his staff. Howard said he would let Benjy date them over Hanzi. Howard said he'll keep Hanzi around to come on when Chelsea is on. Howard put him on hold and played him out with another theme song.
Howard said he was singing the song about JD loving the web cam girls. Fred tried to find it. Howard asked JD if he's fully nude when he's on with those girls. JD said he's not. Howard said he has to be nude. Howard said he would want to be nude. JD wasn't answering. Howard asked if he gets nude while he's talking to them. JD said he waits until things are going to happen. Robin said that's weird. JD said it's all weird.
Fred found the song Howard was talking about. He played that and Howard said that's by Eli Braden. Howard said yesterday he thought it was great listening to the tapes of JD interviewing his girlfriend and slowing her voice down. Howard said they found out JD did the interview. Howard said she's giving the answers in front of him. Howard said they asked how he was better than her last boyfriend and she said this. Howard played the clip and the girlfriend was saying that she thinks JD is better for her. Howard said he was going crazy thinking about that. He said he's so protective of her that he slowed her voice. Howard said they changed that and this is what she sounds like. He played a dude answering the questions like that was what she really sounded like.
Howard said that they never finished the questions yesterday. He played some clips of some more answers that the guys had created using that voice changing thing. They were saying crazy things about JD and goofing on other people on the show. Howard played another JD song parody where Little Mikey sings about JD liking web cam girls. Howard said that's the song he was thinking about.
Howard asked JD about the web cam girls and why he doesn't just get nude first. He said that would save time. JD just laughed over his intercom. JD said he's already at home and he's comfortable. Howard asked if he's in a t-shirt. JD said he guesses. Howard said he would be completely naked. JD said it depends on how he feels. Fred asked if the girls can see him. JD said no. Robin asked if he prepares himself before he gets them online. JD said you look around and see who's on and that's it. Howard asked what he cums into. JD said paper towels and stuff. Howard asked if he cums into his shirt. JD said he stopped that. Howard said you have to do laundry if you do that. Howard said there must be some kind of erotic thrill to cumming into your clothes. JD said he throws them out if he does that. Howard asked if he does that into the freebies he gets from the station. JD said he doesn't wash the stuff, he'll just throw it out. He said he doesn't do it to the shirts he likes.
JD asked if they can have a fourth guest today. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard and Fred kept goofing on JD as they did their voices. Howard asked how long a session is with the girls. JD said it can be 5 or 10. Robin said that's a lot of money. Howard said this guy is getting laid now and he still does that. Howard said he won't call a web cam girl but he'll watch porn on YouPorn. Howard said there's a line there for him. Howard said he doesn't want a live girl on the other end.
Howard said he covers up the camera on his iPad to make sure no one can see him jerking off. Howard said he would love to run a black light over JD's apartment to see where he's cum. Robin said it must be everywhere. Howard and Fred did more of their impressions of JD. Howard asked if he ever gets into a new position. JD said he's done with this. He said it's getting weird. Howard said they're just talking about masturbation. Howard said they all jerk off except for Jon Hein. Howard said he has to take a break. JD said ''Thank god...'' Robin asked if JD has ever brought his girlfriend up to work. JD said not yet.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a woman where they told her they could see her on her web cam and told her to yell out phony names to turn off the camera as if they were passwords. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and did his WNBC announcer voice as they were coming back to that song. Howard said they have Chelsea Handler there. Howard said she has a special coming out called ''You Gotta Be Kidding Me'' and a Netflix show coming soon. Howard said she looks relaxed now that she's off of E!. Howard asked what's going on with her. Chelsea said she was on a long vacation. She told Howard where she went and said she was diving with sharks. Howard said that she talks about how dangerous dolphins are in her book. She said it's a serious issue. She said you can get raped by a dolphin. Howard said she's saying they're like the NFL players of the wild. Chelsea said they will rape you. She said that you end up drowning because of that. Howard said they don't ask for consent at all. Chelsea said the ocean is a fucked up place. She told Howard to stay out of there. Howard said he does. He said he wants sharks gone from the planet.
Chelsea said she went to get certified for SCUBA diving and she isn't scared of many things but they were in a group of 10 people and they had one instructor just for her. She said that she doesn't know how to take care of herself under water.
Howard said they say the SCUBA outfits look like seals to sharks. Chelsea said that not all sharks attack you though. Howard asked if she met any guys. Chelsea told Howard that she told a story about a guy last time she was on and she figured the guy would never hear about it. She said that Mary McCormack told her that he would find out about it because it was on Sirius and they get it in the Bahamas. She said she thinks he did hear about it.
Chelsea told Howard she got laid while she was on vacation. She said she was with one guy on the boat she chartered and another guy she knew already. Howard said Chelsea immediately invited him into her bed. She said it wasn't like that. She said that she fooled around with this guy who had a great personality. She said that by the end of the trip she did that. She said they were stuck on a boat so that's bound to happen.
Howard said that he talks to most women and they need to have an emotional commitment. Howard said guys aren't like that. He said Chelsea is sort of like a guy in that way. Howard said she doesn't care about the emotional commitment. Howard said she's like a vampire in the nicest way possible. Howard asked if she's evolved or messed up. Chelsea said she would be into a relationship so she thinks that she is just evolved. Howard said he thinks a girl like Chelsea is smart and pretty and he would think that she'd think her shit doesn't stink and she'd want to date a George Clooney type. Howard said she blew a deck hand. Chelsea said she didn't blow him. She said they were fooling around. She said she didn't even jerk him off. Howard said she gave him blue balls. Howard asked if he put his hand down her pants. She said he did. She said she wasn't there to have anyone feeling up her boobies.
Howard asked if she travels with a group of famous types. Gary came in and said that they were just looking online and found that she was on vacation with Jason Biggs and his wife. Gary said that Jason was urinating on her head in the water off the boat. Chelsea said that he pulls his penis out all the time. She said that he started urinating on her face and she couldn't even swim away. She said she was laughing so hard. She said that is funny. Howard said he'd be pissed about that. Chelsea said she has peed on people a lot so it's funny to her. She said that she has been at the beach and she'd ask to put sun block on them and she'd pee on them. She said she did that to Ted Harbert all the time. Chelsea said she's surprised that no one has peed on her before. Chelsea said she's fine with that. Howard said she's so much fun and he's so excited that she was coming in today.
Gary showed Howard the video of Jason Biggs pissing on Chelsea. She said she hadn't seen that yet. Howard said it was right in her eyes. Howard said that's hysterical. Howard asked if they have to be like that to party with her. Chelsea said that you have to have a show on the air to pee on her.
Chelsea said she had about 15 people with her on this one trip. She said then they took a road trip through Spain and then they went to Shanghai. She said she had never been to China before. Chelsea said she has to be a well rounded person. Howard said he has a fear of doing that kind of thing. Howard said she gave up that E! show and now she's going to be on Netflix. Chelsea said this is the happiest time of her life. Howard said she looks 20 years younger. Chelsea said that's what her Italian lover told her too. Howard said she looks so good.
Howard asked if she paid for everything over there. She said she's happy to do that. She said that she has more money than most of her friends. She said that Jason and his wife are weirdos. She said that Jason likes that about her. She said that Jason wanted to pick up the trip next time but she's not comfortable with that. She said she doesn't want to be stuck to their rules if they pay. She said she'd rather do her own thing. Howard said he's the same way but last Christmas they went on someone else's vacation. He said he wanted to do things his way. He said he got there and it was very liberating. Howard said he really liked it. Chelsea said she likes to be financially in control. She said that she is fine with them mapping out the rest of the stuff. Chelsea said that she has a woman who goes everywhere with her and she calls her ''my lesbian.'' She said she maps out everything. Chelsea said that she has a fun time anywhere she's at. Howard said he gets that from her.
Howard said he thinks that leaving E! was a great thing to do. Howard said she blasted them last time she was on the show. Howard said she made news over that. Howard asked if she had planned to do that. Chelsea said she never plans that stuff. She said that she heard from a friend who asked if they knew she was leaving E!. She said she figured she had said it already. She said that she had no idea it was that big of a deal until the next day. Howard asked what it was like when she left the studio. Chelsea said her manager never calls her about anything like that. She said that he knows how she is. She said that she really was planning on leaving E!. She said that she wasn't using it to negotiate. She said she wanted to get out.
Howard said that Chelsea had a big finale and she had 50 Cent standing next to her. He said he was her lover at some point. Chelsea said that he has big hands too. Howard asked if she knew he was going to be there. She said of course she did. She said he's so nice and such a sweet guy. Chelsea said that they only dated for 2 months. She said it wasn't serious. She said it's a little awkward to have nothing else to say though. Howard asked if she hooked up again. She said they didn't. She said once it's over it's over. She said that he's really a sweet guy though. She said those things are fun for a little bit but you can't revisit those things.
Howard said he made a list of people he thinks she doesn't like. He wants to clear the air with that. Howard brought up Piers Morgan and said that she went on and just seemed livid with him. Howard said she tweeted something about how he was a bad interviewer. She said that right to his face. Howard asked what he did wrong. She said he doesn't listen. Chelsea said he's fine as a person but he doesn't listen. She said they'll go to commercial and he'll be tweeting during the commercial breaks. Chelsea said he's just pompous. She said that she said that on the air too. She said that she told him that he's terrible and he still wanted to book her. She said he loved that they got that attention when she said he was a terrible interviewer.
Howard said when he's on AGT he gets so annoyed when the other judges are on their phones in the break. Howard said you can't be doing that stuff. He said it's really annoying. Chelsea said it's annoying when people do that at dinner.
Chelsea said she does that kind of stuff too. She said she'll whip her boob out and tweet the pictures out. She said that she did that recently. Howard said she has nice boobs. She said they're too big. Chelsea said it's not that great having them that big. She said they can inflate and get way out of control. Howard said they're not that big that they're in the way for him. Howard asked if guys get weird with her breasts and want to titty fuck her. She said she hasn't done that since high school. She said that's what she imagines dolphin rape to be like. Howard asked if guys cum from that. Chelsea said of course they do. Robin said guys can cum from anything. Howard asked if the guy came on her face from titty fucking her. She said he didn't.
Howard said Chelsea is in a great mood. She said she really is. She said she bought a house in Spain. Howard said she'll never go back there. Howard said she'll make herself go just to visit the house. Chelsea said she loves to be on the water and sail. She said that's what's nice about Spain. She said she doesn't sit out in the sun though. Howard said he doesn't travel that much. Howard said he doesn't even know where he is right now.
Howard asked how much the house in Spain cost. She said it's expensive there. She said it's beach front property. She said it's not that crazy but she won't tell him what it cost her. She said it's too Jewy to talk about that stuff. Howard said she's his kind of girl.
Howard asked about Joan Rivers and if they had something going on. Chelsea said she didn't know Joan at all. She said Joan was upset with her about something she said. Chelsea said that she may have said something disrespectful and she took it personally. Chelsea said that she's used to people taking things personally. Howard asked if she laughed when she died. Chelsea said that's not even a rumor. Howard said he just made that up. Howard said he did the eulogy for Joan. He said he felt very good about it after he did it. Howard said he rarely has any feelings but he had good ones after that. Howard said he did his own thing and asked for some opinions on what to say. He said he got some notes from Fred and Jimmy Kimmel and even Louis C.K..
Howard asked Chelsea about Angelina Jolie and Chelsea said she has no problem with her. Howard asked about Nick Cannon. Chelsea said she thinks he's stupid. She said he's an embarrassing human being for marrying Mariah Carrey. She said that she can't even imagine having a conversation with her. Howard said he doesn't believe that Nick would cheat on her. Howard said Nick is the nicest guy. Chelsea said that Mariah thinks he did.
Howard asked Chelsea about Perez Hilton. Chelsea said she doesn't know about him. She said she doesn't really care. Howard asked her about Kathie Lee and Hoda. Howard said that she didn't show up to an appearance. She said she actually does like them.
Howard asked Chelsea about the Netflix deal and said she doesn't even know what it is. Chelsea said she's doing 4 specials over the next year. She said that they're documentaries. She said she will go to things and find out what things are. She said she's going to Silicon Valley and find out what's going on there and things like that. Howard said this is a new Chelsea. She said she was bored and she wanted to educate herself in a humorous way. She said she's done doing the celebrity interview thing. Howard asked if she would interview the guy who finger blasted her on vacation. She said she would do that. She said she doesn't mind making herself be the butt of a joke.
Howard said that we'll all learn with her when she's educating herself. Howard said that it's going to be her exploring the world. She said she'll be like an American idiot. She said she has to look on a map where certain countries are. She said that she had no idea that you flew over Canada to get to London. Howard asked if she will find out where things go when you flush. Chelsea said that's the kind of stuff she wants to find out.
Howard said Chelsea was offered jobs and Netflix really impressed her. Howard asked why that was and if it was a monetary thing. She said it wasn't that. She said that it's not about the money. Chelsea said she went to Netflix. She said she needed to take a year off and refresh her brain. She said she didn't want to read the NY Times. She said she picked it up this morning and felt dirty reading it. She said then she picked up the Daily News and there was a picture that she had Tweeted in there. Chelsea said she went to Netflix after taking a bunch of meetings. Chelsea said she had to take a year off to refuel. She said she was bored by her own voice. She said that people can tell when you're bored. Chelsea said she asked for a meeting with Netflix and they talked about what she wanted to do next. She said that she feels she's smarter than what she's doing and she was getting dumber.
Chelsea said they came up with the documentary style thing. She said it can be as long as she wants it to be. She said it doesn't matter when it's on a service like that.
Howard asked if she watches herself on the specials she does. Chelsea said she can't. She said she has a team that takes care of that. She said they know what to do. She said she just can't watch herself. She said when you start out you have to do that but once you get it down you can stop watching.
Howard said Chelsea keeps her voice flat when she's doing a monologue. She said that she makes it sound like she's reading. Chelsea said she hates sounding like a girl. She said she only makes that sound when she sees snakes.
Howard asked if it's hard to do a stand up special after being on E! so long. Chelsea said that it wasn't that hard. She said that the stand up special will be her first special for Netflix. She said that next year will be the docu-series. Howard said that it's very smart to sign her up like that. Howard said that she's exclusive to them.
Howard asked if she hated Russell Brand. She said she didn't but he was annoying. She said he was just a narcissist. She said that she met him twice and that's it. She said that everyone keeps repeating what she said. Howard read that she said he was a pain in the ass. She didn't like that he was late to her show. She said that's disrespectful. She said she would never be late. She said that she would cancel if she was funning late. She said P. Diddy showed up late once and she went off on him for that. Howard said that kind of arrogance freaks him out. Howard said he invites someone on and they don't show up on time. Howard said that they should ate least respect themselves like that.
Howard said that Chelsea's special ''Uganda Be Kidding Me'' is on Netflix starting this Friday. Howard said that you can find out more about her move to Netflix by going to Netflix.com/ChelseaHandlerLive
Howard took a call from Hanzi who wanted to know if Chelsea would take his virginity. Hanzi said that he's 30 years old and he would like her to take his virginity. He told her he's 31 and he only has a short time to live. Chelsea said that she would like to be involved with him. Howard asked if she would ever do that for a bit for her stand up special. She said it's hard to pull that off. She said that you have to be into sex to pull it off. She said she can't just fuck anyone. She said that she has to be attracted to the person. Howard asked if she would be attracted to him. Chelsea said she would. She said Howard is kind of like a woman when it comes to his looks. Howard said that he thinks he looks horrible. Howard said he feels that physical appearance is important. Howard said that he thinks she would be into a more masculine man. She said it all depends. She said 50 Cent is so masculine that it's a little too much for her. Howard said he's all pumped up. She said that you want a guy to have some kind of femininity.
Hanzi asked if she likes fat guys. She said she does. Howard let Hanzi go after that since things weren't going very well. Howard said that he forgot he was even on the phone.
Chelsea said she loves how opinionated Howard is over Israel. She said she was listening one morning after not listening for a while. She said she started listening a lot. She said she heard Howard going off on Israel and then some guy called in and he told the guy he was a self hating Jew. She said Howard told the guy he was going to get his time to talk and Howard hung up on him as soon as he started talking. She said it was the best. Howard said he just doesn't want to hear it. Howard said he's very aggravated by everything. He said he's not sure why he's so angry. He said he has nothing to be angry about but he is angry.
Robin said that Chelsea is able to make big decisions unlike Howard. Howard said she can. He said she left E! and went to Netflix. Howard said E! would have kept her for a thousand years. Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell has that ability too. Howard said he isn't that decisive. Howard said he's not sure if he wants to go back to AGT or not. Chelsea asked Howard what it is that he likes about it. Howard said he enjoys being there and he likes the people and the show. Howard said people seem to enjoy him on it. Howard said he wants more free time though. He said there are so many things he wants to do and something has to give. He said 50 percent wants him to do it and 50 doesn't. Howard said Beth is fine with whatever he does. Chelsea said she errs on the side of you need to work less. She said he's worked hard. She said it's good to leave when you're good at something. She said you leave before they want you to leave. She said Howard should leave and just have fun with his wife. Howard said that he wants to go on vacation and have Jason Biggs pee on him. Chelsea said he should do that. She said he would enjoy just going to dinner with Jason and his wife. Howard said he doesn't like to talk. Chelsea said he's doing it now. Howard said he gets paid to do that.
Howard asked if she got pee in her eye. Chelsea said she got it in her mouth. Howard said he would freak out if that happened to him. Chelsea said it was fine.
Howard started to wrap things up and gave Chelsea some plugs for her special. Howard asked where she filmed that. She said she did it in Chicago. Howard said he has never seen her do stand up so he's looking forward to seeing this. He said he doesn't know her stand up material. Howard said he's seen her do a monologue but not material like that. Howard said it must be daunting to go out and have nothing prepared. Chelsea said it was scary at first. She said she did a week of shows first. She said that she was doing big shows in arenas. She said she had to get her shit together quick for that. She said she did some hours at some small clubs and worked out her material. She said that stand up is scary. She said she hadn't done it in like 2 years. Howard said he can't wait to see it. Howard gave her more plugs and went to break a short time later. As they were going to break they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a funeral home trying to set up a funeral for their clown grandfather.
Howard came back and said Billy Idol put out a book (''Dancing with Myself'') and he loves when rock stars do that. Howard said look at Billy writing books now. Howard said he didn't even know he could write. Howard said he wrote it himself too. Billy said he did. Howard said a lot of celebs have someone else write it. Howard said Billy did it himself. Billy said it took him two years of typing to do that.
Howard asked if it was tough to remember. Billy said it was. He said he wrote about what he could remember. Howard asked if he had an editor taking things out and telling him what to write more about. Billy said they did take some things out. He said there were things they discussed about what was missing. He said he did have that going on.
Howard said he's going to play some songs of his and ask him some questions about them. Howard asked if he was ready. Billy said okay. Howard played ''Dancing With Myself'' from 1981. Howard said he thinks that this song was where American's got to know him. Billy said that is true. Howard said hew as in Generation X and he went off on his own even though they were doing well. Billy said it was great but then it got dysfunctional. He said that it disintegrated and he didn't have much choice. Howard asked what caused the disintegration. Billy said it was a difference in musical direction. He said that's just the way it goes.
Howard said that there was a point in his life when he said ''fuck it'' and went off to follow a band as a fan. Howard said he didn't worry about jobs and work. He said that he had a care free life. Howard said he followed the Sex Pistols. Billy said he did. He said he was a big fan. He said he wanted to take their attitude and do what they were doing. Howard said it must have been horrifying to his family. Billy said they were scared to death.
Howard asked if the turning point in his life was flopping down his hit record on his dad's 66th birthday telling him he was wrong. Billy said he didn't need to be like that but he was a little angry and had a chip on his shoulder. He said that his dad passed on this summer and they had a great moment this summer. He said they knew that their true relationship had nothing to do with that. He said that was just a young man feeding his oat's.
Howard asked if his dad's mistake was squashing his spirit. Howard said his dad was beating him over the head telling him not to learn to play guitar and sing. Howard said he had a disdain for what he wanted to do. Billy said that's what he was reacting to. He said he shoved his success at them a little bit. He said they though that was all shit about life and that's what he thought was great. Billy said they thought he couldn't do it and he did it. Howard asked if his dad turned to him and said he was right. Billy said he did say he was proud of him in the 2000s sometime. He said his dad was worried about him. He said this wasn't the world that his dad understood at all. He said it was an unknown world and that's difficult for any parent.
Howard asked if he told his dad he had to become a superman in the business to impress him. Billy said that his dad knocked him out when he said it to him. He said he said he was proud of the person he turned into. Billy said he wasn't expecting it at all. He said it was really gratifying to him. He said he thinks that's what Kirk Douglas was always looking for too. Billy said his dad didn't know that world because of where he came from and the time they came from.
Howard said Billy moved to the Untied States when he was very young and then they moved him back to England. Howard said he felt like an outcast over there. He didn't feel comfortable in his own country. Howard said that Billy's firs sexual experience was skinhead girls giving him hand jobs. Billy said that they didn't give you head but they would wank you off. He said that they would be chatting with each other and they'd be giving you the hand job. Howard said that's very odd. Billy said it was quite fantastic at the age of 13. Howard said he would have been in heaven.
Howard asked if he was a good looking kid. Billy said he must have been but he didn't feel like that. He said he always hung out with people who were older than him. He said he was 12 and going out with 14 year old girls. Howard said that the 13 year old boys were showing him how to get the girls to give him hand jobs. Billy said he was able to get into rock shows at the time because they didn't check IDs.
Howard asked Billy if he just stood there while the girls were jerking him off. He said that they did just enjoy that. He said that they didn't want that to stop.
Howard said what he gets from the book is that his life was in Europe and he taught himself to play guitar. Howard said it was a disaster because his family didn't want him to play guitar. Billy said they wanted him to learn violin. He said they said no to him playing guitar. He said that's why he taught himself. He said he was doing it for himself.
Howard said he says in his book that he started this grunting thing to vocalize. Billy said he would sing one step down from the Beatles. He said that is part of his vocal style to this day. He said that you're still singing the song but doing it one step beneath them. Howard said that gave him his special sound. Billy said partly yeah.
Howard said Billy thinks he has ADD. Billy said he does think so. He said he can focus on things he likes but he has terrible trouble with it if he doesn't like it. Howard said Joe Perry was saying the same thing. He said they are able to learn music and teach themselves how to play. Billy said that's because he liked it. He said that if he loves something he can learn it.
Howard asked Billy if he would do it all over again and do the drugs again. Billy said that was a part of his life and he doesn't have regrets about it in the end. He said he was maintaining on heroin when he wrote Rebel Yell. He said that he was writing songs that stood the test of time. He said he wrote some on drugs, off drugs and they worked.
Howard asked if he was doing drugs to drown out how he was feeling about his dad keeping him down. Billy said that wasn't the whole thing. He said there were a lot of people doing drugs and that's how you get into that. He said they were caught up in the alternative culture.
Howard asked if the heroin made him think that he had to keep doing it when he wrote good songs. Billy said that might have been part of it. He said he had an inner belief that he could do it somehow even if he didn't know how. Howard said the odds of being a big rock star are almost nil. He said that when you leave a band it leads to insecurity and then you want more heroin. Billy said that it is an in the womb type of feeling.
Howard played some of Billy's song ''Rebel Yell'' and said that's a great song. Howard said he wrote it while he was high on heroin. Howard said that's one of his favorite songs he ever wrote. Howard said Billy was at an event with the Rolling Stones and they were all drinking ''Rebel Yell'' and he decided to write a song called ''Rebel Yell.'' Billy said he did. He said that he asked if they wanted the title and they said no so he used it himself.
Howard asked Billy if it's harder writing a song on his own than it is having a partner. Billy said it's tough but he has a partner who helps him with some songs. He said he wrote Rebel Yell with his partner Steve.
Howard asked Billy about White Wedding and if he wrote it about his sister's fiancee. Billy said it was more about how his sister was pregnant at the altar and he thought about how it would have been unacceptable years before. He said he wasn't writing it being upset with his brother in law. He said he liked looking at it in a dark way. Howard played some of ''White Wedding.'' Howard asked if that song came to him quickly. Billy said that one did. He said it was about 20 minutes. He said some songs are harder to write. Howard said it must be great when they come that quick. Billy said he knows when they're a hit Billy Idol song and he felt that with that one. Howard said that's a killer song.
Howard said he saw his sister get married and he sent her a blender and that was it. He said no songs came to him at all. Howard said he did heroin once and he hated it. He said that he was so paranoid about making that leap to that drug. He said that's scary to him. Howard said that he'd be afraid of losing his mojo. Billy said the thing is that it's a very womb like drug but when you're maintaining on it then you're just keeping yourself from getting sick. He said that Keith Richards has said that you get into what's in your mind. He said that's what he was doing too. He said you're using it and listening to music and that makes you even more concentrated. Howard said that kind of makes sense.
Howard asked where you go to get heroin. Billy said you can keep it kind of semi-private. He said you always worry about the source drying up. He said that's so scary. Howard asked if he needed help getting off of it. Billy said you do need help. He said it's 6 weeks of horrible feeling and then a few more months of still feeling terrible.
Howard asked Billy about covering the song ''Mony, Mony.'' Howard said he loves the song. He said he heard he lost his virginity to that song and that's why it's special to him. Billy said that is true. He said he lost his virginity at 12 or 13. Howard said that's very young. Howard said he should have moved to England. Billy said he was actually 14 and a half. He said that he went to some park with friends and he got laid there. He said that song was playing in the background. Howard said it sounds like he was living the life at that age. Howard said that song always stuck in his head and he eventually covered it. Billy said he always liked that music and they had a drum loop on it that worked. He said that's what they were going for in the 80s. Howard let it play a little longer. Howard said he associates the song more with Billy than he does with the original.
Howard asked Billy if there's less pressure doing a song like that. Billy said there is. He said they used to do sound checks with Generation X. He said they never performed it live. Howard asked if they thought they were goofing on the song in the sound check. Billy said he really doesn't know what they were thinking.
Howard asked Billy if he has nostalgia for the old days. Billy said he does. He said that he tried to make the book a little bit romantic. Billy said his son says that he wishes he was young in the 1980s. He said that there are stories about the stress of writing a song and things like that. He said it was an exciting time for him.
Howard said he thinks the rock video was a big thing too. He said that Billy seized that moment. He said his videos were fabulous. Howard said he didn't resent that medium at all. Billy said they embraced that. He said his manger knew that with cable coming that this MTV thing was going to be big and they prepared for it.
Howard said that Billy was a fan of Lou Reed and he has a story in the book about how he wanted to write a song with Lou. He got in touch with him and he was interested but he was going to charge him by the hour to write with him. Howard said Billy must have been shocked. Billy said there was a $75 late fee too. Howard said that he was like a tutor and he was the student. Howard said that's crazy. He said that no one has ever done that. Billy said he had never done that with anyone. Howard said he wonders what would have come out of that association.
Howard said Billy wrote ''Eyes Without a Face'' too. Howard played some of that too. Howard said that's a great song. Howard said Billy points out in the book that they went to make the video and Billy was wearing contact lenses. He forgot to take them out and they dried in his eyes. Howard said they were glued into his eyes and he had to have an operation to get them out. Billy said they were in Phoenix or somewhere like that. Billy said they did the video shoot for like 14 hours. He said he fell asleep on the grass and a police officer woke him up. He said the cop thought he was a bum. He said he had a very Victorian look top cap on and he told him that he was with the group inside. He said they went inside and he tried to take the contacts out and the cop didn't let him move. He said that everyone told the cop that he was the boss. He said he had his cornea scraped and they just gave him drops to put in his eyes for a few days. Howard asked if he stopped wearing contacts after that. Billy said he hates glasses so he didn't stop.
Howard played some of Billy's song ''Cradle of Love'' and said it was about going out with a young girl. Billy said that it was about the great cradle robbers of rock. Billy said they made that into a video too. Howard said that he shot that video and in the book he talks about how he got into a motorcycle wreck and almost lost a leg. Howard asked why guys like him risk their lives like that. Howard said he doesn't get it. Billy said they're addicted to the highest high. Howard asked if he stopped riding after that. Billy said he still rides now. He said he lives in L.A. and that's the fastest way to get around there.
Howard asked if Billy's kids try to do the same things that he did. Billy said they see what it can do to someone. He said he's very proud of his kids.
Howard asked if he is drug free or does he dabble. Billy said he smokes pot once in a while but that's about it. Billy said that he knows it's something he has got to do to enjoy this stage of life. He said he has seen things where people have carried on doing drugs and then they try to clean up and it can turn ugly.
Howard said that Billy has a new album coming out and the first single is called ''Can't Break Me Down.'' Howard played some of that from the album ''Kings & Queens of the Underground''
Howard asked if Billy heard this Miley Cyrus version of Rebel Yell. Billy said that she's having fun with it and he likes that. Billy said sometimes they do really cool versions of his songs. He said he enjoyed seeing Miley doing that song. Howard said he could have answered her with doing a version of Wrecking Ball.
Howard said Billy will be signing books at Barnes and Noble on 5th Ave today at noon. Howard asked if he shakes people's hands. Billy said he has been spat on at shows so he will shake everyone's hand. He said that in punk bands they would show they loved you by spitting on you. Howard said that has to be a weird feeling. Billy said that his guitar player had to chisel out the spit from his guitar. He said that's how much spit there was.
Howard said you can find out more about Billy at BillyIdol.net. Billy said he always enjoys being on the show. Howard thanked him for coming in and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he's honored to have Bill Murray in the studio today. He said he's in a new movie called ''St. Vincent.'' Howard said he's not sure why he agreed to be there but he is there. Robin said she never thought this was going to happen. Howard said he didn't either.
Howard asked Bill what he's doing there. He said he's a living legend. Bill was eating a Danish. Howard said it's exciting to have him there. Howard asked who forced him into that room. Bill said he was coerced. Howard said he's in a good movie and someone told him to go promote it. Bill said that's the only thing he does pretty much.
Howard said he was shocked to read that he was at the George Clooney wedding and he gave the speech. He said he got up and said a few words. Bill said it was a moving affair. He said that with a mouth full of food. Bill said he and George got along very well and he's a lot of fun to hang around with. Howard asked if they asked him to do it. Bill said they asked him to do 7 minutes. He said they actually didn't. He said people just got up and did things.
Howard asked if he still has something to prove. Bill said he generally disappoints. He said at the wedding it was just a really emotional night. He was finishing up the Danish. He asked why they're on TV when they're not on TV. Howard said he has to wear headphones so people can hear them. Howard said they have to make sure the government can hear them. Bill said he thought that Howard was done with the government. Howard said he is. He said this is the best gig ever.
Howard said Bill is very relaxed this morning. He asked if he still likes acting. Bill said he does. He said that he enjoys doing it and he may not have any other skills. Howard said he would rather be off playing golf somewhere. Bill said he's not that idle. He said that he likes to do things and there is something that makes you want to express yourself. Howard said he's jet lagged this morning. Bill said he is. He said he's a day or so away from that. He said that he's still waking up in the middle of the night.
Howard asked if he's a good golfer. Bill said he is better than most. He said that he was a caddy and he played because of that. He said he got the game and then he had some money so he didn't have to caddy anymore. He said he was able to go out and play more.
Howard said he thinks of the life of a caddy and it must be demeaning. Howard said you have to go fetch their balls and you're almost like a slave. Howard asked if he resented the rich guys he had to service. Bill said it was a great education actually. He said he was 10 and it was entry level employment. He said you didn't need a license or anything. He said it was an education for him and he learned a lot from made men who had the wherewithal to have the money to have boys carrying their stuff around. He said you learned how to treat people by the way you were treated. Bill said you show up and keep up. He said that he was able to caddy for 18 holes and not say anything. He said he learned how to treat people and he learned that in golf.
Howard said Bill grew up outside of Chicago and his family was poor. He said he had 8 siblings. Howard asked if he didn't get the attention from his parents that he needed. Bill said he was the forgotten middle child. He said there are 3 or 4 of those in a family with 9 kids. Bill said that his dad would go to work and come home and there wasn't a lot of time for everyone. Howard said it was a tough life. Bill said it wasn't tough but it got hard when his dad died. He said he was only 17. He said that they weren't wealthy but they weren't poor. He said their vacation was in a car and they didn't fly. He said he didn't fly until he was 19 or so.
Howard said that bill had a sister with polio. Bill said they all had it but the weakest one developed it later on. He said that they had all been able to fight it but not his sister. Bill said his sister is still alive and she gets along fine. He said that the symptoms come back to you later in life though.
Howard asked Bill if his family was shocked that he got into comedy. Bill said his older brother Brian got into it and that was a shock. He said he gave it up and he'd be a wealthy man if he had kept it up.
Howard asked what it is about Chicago. Howard said he knows what it was like for him to come to New York and make it. He said that was his only goal. Bill said he's got it made then. Bill said when you're in Chicago everyone knows you and that's what it's like there.
Howard asked Bill about this movie ''St. Vincent'' and if it's important that people are saying he should get an Oscar nomination for it. Bill said you hear that a lot. He said they get a lot of Oscar buzz if you bring a movie out in October. Howard said he thinks that Bill would laugh at those awards. Bill said that you really want people to see your movie and an Oscar will get people to see the movie. Bill said the greatest actors and directors don't win. He said that he's had some acknowledgement himself. Howard asked if he has a trophy room. Bill said they're up on a shelf shoved over there in the corner. Howard said he doesn't think that would be him. Bill said he doesn't have the space. Bill said that's just a joke. Howard said that he must have a nice home. Bill said he saves his money. Howard asked if he's frugal. Bill said he's not sure he's frugal but he didn't spend a lot early on. He said he didn't buy a house right away so he saved some money.
Howard said there are some stars who have to grab movies to make money. He said Bill doesn't need to do that. Howard said Bill doesn't have an agent. He said he makes his own decisions. Bill said that's just the way it's worked out for him. He said he couldn't handle the phone ringing. Howard said he's not bullshitting. Howard asked if he has a cell phone. Bill said he does. He said he doesn't know how to operate it though. Howard said he wants to live his life and that's it. Bill said he got the phone to text his sons. He said that's the only way they'll respond.
Howard said it's like people have to send smoke signals to get Bill to respond. Bill said he hasn't missed anything. He said the only thing he misses are the idiots. Howard said that Ivan Reitman told him how tough it was to get him to show up on the set of a movie. Howard said that's just Bill. Robin said it's great that people are coming to find him. Bill said it is but there are a lot of desperate people out there.
Howard said that the new movie sounds like it has a great cast. Bill said everyone is very good in it. Howard asked if they mailed the script to him. Bill said the guy reached him after a long period of trying to find him. He said he asked to meet the guy at the airport. He said he took him for a ride for a couple of hours and talked about the script. He said he told the guy what he thought the script needed and he agreed to it. He said he told the driver to take the guy back home and that's how it worked.
Howard said it's like dealing with a mob boss. Howard asked if that's calculated or is it just that he marches to a different beat. Bill said he's not very organized. He said he barely gets things done. He said that he can't accumulate more things. He said people will ask for his number and he just says no. He said it's great seeing people but that's it. He said he likes to be able to choose what he does. Howard said he can't do that. He said he gets sucked into responding to everything. Bill said he knows. He said he has a friend who has a bicycle shop and he moved it to an alley in the back. Bill said the guy was working an 8 hour day to get 4 hours of work done. He said he had to move it back there to get more time to himself.
Howard asked Bill if he was always like that. Bill said he was really lucky. He said he followed in the wake of the guys on Saturday Night Live. He said they were like ice breakers. He said that he came to New York and ended up on the National Lampoon radio show.
Howard asked when he knew he was funny. Bill said he thinks it has to do with being able to tell stories. He said you have to be able to tell a story. Howard asked how you learn that. Bill said he thinks you have to hear stories and live stories. He said you have to be able to make someone laugh telling them a story. He said if you can do that then you can be funny.
Howard asked what happens when you get famous and you can't go places. Bill said that's a challenge. He said he used to be able to sit and watch people in a restaurant. He said the faces of New York were great. Howard asked if he liked New York. Bill said he did. He said it was great when he wasn't famous. He said he could walk out on the street and the energy would help him write.
Howard asked if fame is a wonderful thing. Bill said he does not like people who complain about being famous. He said that just try being rich and that will cover most of it for you. He said you can be invisible that way. He said you can be a secret kind of person.
Howard asked if he has a hard time doing anything. Bill said he can walk into a place and realize that things are going to happen so you turn around and walk out. Howard asked if he has a disguise he wears. Bill said he's surprised that Howard recognized him today. Howard said he dresses like a giant giraffe when he goes out.
Howard said he thinks about the early SNL days. He said that Bill walked in on the second season and people were against him. He said Bill replaced Chevy Chase. Howard said he remember thinking ''who the fuck is this guy?'' Howard said he had to win them over. Howard said he thinks he won them over when he did the lounge singer thing. Howard said he did that bit and the world fell in love with him. Bill said that's when he thinks he did it. He said they gave him a try out on the show and he nailed them all. Bill said Lorne told him that he was going to have the job. Bill said for the next few months he was playing the secondary characters. Bill said the writers don't know what you can do and they don't trust you. He said that he did that lounge singer in a shower sketch and he knew he had gotten it.
Howard said you have to be completely loose on a show like that but you have to be nervous. Bill said the more relaxed you are the better you are. He said when you get on the stage your state changes. He said you get higher. He said he felt great comfort doing those scenes. He said they were really good sketches. Howard said he put in his hours with Second City. Bill said he did National Lampoon too.
Howard asked if the sibling rivalry was a problem with his brother. Bill said that it never gets into anything but there are thoughts about it. He said his brother is one happy man. He said he's the envy of his friends and he is the one he listens to. He said his brother has been very supportive of him and he has everything he wanted.
Howard said Bill walked into SNL and Chevy hated him. He said that he got into a fist fight with him. Bill said it was a Hollywood fist fight. He said he and Chevy are the same size. He said his brother broke the fight up and he's about the size of Robin or even smaller. He said that Chevy just left the show and he was the break out star. He said that he was huge on the show and he was amazing. Bill said he thinks that the people on the show thought he left them in the lurch. Bill said he was like the avenging angel on the show. He said they weren't discouraged when they got into the fight. He said he and Chevy are fine and they have worked together.
Howard asked if he had fun working on Caddyshack. Bill said they had some great people on that set. Howard said he heard that Ted Knight hated that they joked around so much. Bill said that he is a square but he's funny too. He said everyone works differently. Bill said they had Rodney on the set and he was a total mad man. He said that they had all of these people on the set and they had all kinds of different backgrounds.
Howard asked if it's true that he ad libbed just about everything in the movie. Bill said he did add some things to it but it wasn't all him.
Howard asked Bill if he likes the feedback of a live audience or does he like the movie thing. Bill said he likes the movie thing because that's his attention span. He said that live TV is better than taped TV. He said taped TV starts shooting and you shoot all night and there's no limit. He said the audience has seen you do the same scenes 16 times and it's sort of like a holding pen for the audience. He said that they won't let you go. He said on SNL the party starts at 1am and you're done.
Howard asked if he wrote a lot of sketches. Bill said he didn't. He said Lorne talked him out of being a writer. He said if he did that he wouldn't have free time. He said as an actor you could rewrite and no one cared if it was better. Bill said there was a lot of paperwork to be done there.
Howard asked if he ever did a movie for Lorne. Bill said he did one called ''Nothing Lasts Forever.'' He said he still gets along with Lorne. He said the guy gave him the job so he appreciates that. He said he can't be a screw up.
Howard said he's amazed by a guy who can keep finding so many great talents. Bill said he seems to be getting better at his job too.
Howard said that he had Bill Hader on the show yesterday. Bill said he thinks that Hader is one of the best ever on the show. Howard said he told him that yesterday. Bill said that cast was great. He said that group really had what the first group had. He said they had writing ability and they were more actors than stand up comedians. Bill said that the actors seem to be able to make the work on air. He said it's always being refined and rewritten. He said it's not like a film where you can do it for months. He said the actors with Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader just worked. Howard asked if he still watches it. Bill said he will tape it and watch it when he can get to it. He said he likes watching it and they still have great music on the show. He said they have great people right now.
Howard asked if he's close to David Letterman. Howard said he finds him hard to get close to. Howard asked if he's been to dinner with him. Bill said that they did that just to see if they could use a knife and fork. Howard asked if it's awkward to do that or is it a great benefit. Bill said he and Dave are friends. He said Dave has a whole life. He said he's a very professional guy and he works very hard on that show. He said they're similar in the sense that they can't take on too many other people. He said they have become friend and he loves Dave. Howard said he was his first guest. He asked if he will be Dave's last guest. Bill said he's not sure and that's not his call. He said that he would help Dave clear out his garage if he asked him to.
Howard asked Bill if he and Gilda Radner had a problem once they broke up. Bill said everyone fell in love with her when they met her. Howard said they were magical together on that show. Bill said he loved to make her laugh. Howard said he read that you don't laugh on camera on SNL. He said Gilda couldn't hold it together when he'd give her noogies and things like that. Bill said she let it go. Howard said she couldn't help but laugh. Howard said he loves those moments. Howard said that whole rule came about because Carol Burnett would break up on her show. Bill said they were a different generation and they were more like actors than comedians. He said to an actor that was breaking the fourth wall.
Howard said Ghostbusters was one of Bill's favorite movies. He wouldn't have had that movie if John Belushi hadn't died. Bill said that's true. He said it was sad that John died because he was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. He said that he could make fun out of nothing. He said he was the best actor he has ever seen on a stage too. Howard asked if he was one of those guys who had to go home and get his sleep or did he party. Bill said that when you do the show you're so jazzed that you don't go home to sleep.
Bill said John was great at 10 in the morning and he didn't have to be drinking or drugging. Bill said he was just really fun. Howard asked what he did that was really fun. Bill said he's not sure how to put it in words. He said he would engage with people on the street and he had a way of talking to them that just opened them up. He said people would just respond to it. He said they knew he wasn't jiving them. He said he was straightforward.
Howard asked if he's still friends with Dan Aykroyd. Bill said they're friends for life. Howard said he has always liked Dan. He said he seems like a really good guy. Bill said they met when they were like 20.
Howard said Bill went to bat for Harold Ramis. Howard said he wanted him to be in Stripes. Bill said he may have tried to kick him out for that movie. Bill said he thinks they wanted someone else to be the guy in the movie but he told them that they could do it.
Howard asked Bill if it was hard to do Groundhog Day. Bill said that was a rough one. He said he knew it was going to be good.
Howard asked if this St. Vincent is a hit. Bill said this movie is going to be a big hit. Howard said this is the big one. Bill said he may have made a chick film. He said he's never made one before. He said he's never set out to make one. He said there were a lot of women at the premiere the other night and a few women said it is a chick flick. Howard said that he might get sex from this. He said it should be a great moment for him. Howard said it's a sensitive film then. Bill said someone told him a chick film is funny with drama, romance and there's no violence. Bill said there are no explosions in it. Howard asked if he has seen it. Bill said he saw it twice. He said up in Toronto the response was staggering. Howard asked if he enjoys the screenings. Bill said you tell a joke or something and you don't hear the reaction for 6 or 7 months. He said it is nice to see the response. He said he wanted to see that last night in New York and they went crazy for it.
Robin asked if he finds himself questioning what he did on the screen. Bill said he did see a flaw in the movie that he told the director about. He said he told him he has 4 days to fix that. He said the one flaw is fixable.
Howard asked about the movie ''What About Bob'' and said he heard that Robin Williams almost got that. Bill said he never heard that. Howard said they wanted Woody Allen to play a part in the movie too. Bill said he never heard that. He said the guy who wrote the movie, Alvin, came up with the idea. Howard said that he heard Bill wanted to annoy Richard Dreyfus through the shoot to make him really hate him on film. Bill said he wants to make the other actor look good on film but he doesn't take it off the set. He said he didn't do that. He said he did enjoy annoying Richard on the set.
Howard asked Bill about working with Harold Ramis on a movie and arguing with him about things. Bill said his body is still warm and he doesn't want to disparage him at all. Howard said they wanted Bill to hire an assistant on the movie and he hired a deaf one so they'd have trouble communicating with him. Bill said that's a good way to retell the story but that's not the way it worked. He said he did hire a deaf woman but for different reasons. He said that he had to learn sign language and to learn how to do different things. He said he doesn't roll that way. He said it was much more difficult than he ever imagined it would be.
Howard asked if he had a chance to make up with Harold. Bill said he did. He said it would be an awful feeling to not have made up. He said they did that a couple of years ago. Robin asked if he learned sign language. Bill said he did a little bit but all he can do now is the sign for tractor trailer. Bill said the woman was young and she
Howard said Bill did this Garfield movie thinking he was going to be working with one of the Coen brothers. It turned out that it was a Cohen and not who he thought it was. Bill said that he had to work hard on that film too. Howard said he did a second one though. Bill said the first one made a couple hundred million bucks and it was huge in South America. Bill said he asked them not to shoot the movie first because it was so tough to record for. He said they did it again though. He said when the second one rolled around they had even more people involved. He said that one was a real cluster.
Howard said Roger Ebert gave the first Garfield a good review. Bill said he did. He said Roger was something special. He said that he really loved movies. He said Roger killed him early on in films. He said he cut him no slack at all. He said he caught up to Roger at Cannes and he had seen a movie he did. Bill said he said something really nice and he went up to him and told him that he was told that he should never do anything but comedy. He said that Roger wondered who had said that to him and he told him it was him. He said Roger was a good guy though. Howard said he loved Roger. He said he loved when he was with Siskel and Ebert. Howard said they would argue over anything.
Howard said that you can't follow the critics too much. Bill said that it can affect you. He said he just doesn't read reviews now. He said he doesn't go looking for them but he might run across one now and then.
Howard asked Bill if he turned down Tom Cruises roll in Rain Man. Bill said there was something about Rain Man. Howard asked if he has any remorse. Bill said he's never even seen the whole film. Howard said he never watched Seinfeld either. Bill said he watched one and it was terrible. He said he watched the last episode and it was terrible. Bill said he heard the show was great but the last one was terrible. Bill said everyone agrees that last one was bad.
Howard asked Bill if he turned down Kindergarten Cop. Bill said he doesn't know about that. He said he doesn't think so. He said Ivan directed that. He said he thinks that isn't true.
Howard asked about the movie Philadelphia. Bill said there was something about that one and it was on the back burner. He said he wishes he had done that. Bill said he hadn't seen that movie until about and hour ago.
Howard asked if he turned down Forrest Gump. Bill said he did have conversations about it but it didn't interest him. Bill said he's never seen that movie. Howard said he would think that he'd want to see it out of curiosity. Bill said he's the opposite of that. He said if he turns something down he turns it down.
Howard asked Bill if he's having fun in life, not right now. Bill said he is kind of pleased. Howard asked if the bane of his existence is women. Howard asked if he questions why he hasn't found the great love of his life. Bill said he thinks about that. He said he's not sure what he's getting done there. He said he has kids that he's responsible for. He said that he's very proud of that and that wouldn't have happened without women. Bill said he's not lonely. He said it would be nice to have a date to bring along to some of these things. He went solo to Clooney's wedding. Bill said there's a lot that he's not doing that he needs to do. He said maybe working on himself or becoming more of himself. He said he has no problem connecting to people. He has a problem connecting to himself. He said it's not a selfish thing. He said there's just not a connection. Robin asked him what stops him from getting in touch with himself. Bill said that we're kind of ugly if we look really hard. He said that we're not who we think we are. He said that there's some part of you that wants to turn off the demand for attention and it's very subtle. He said it's a human dilemma. Bill said that there is a flaw that makes it hard to look at yourself.
Howard asked Bill if he gets calls from people on SNL to ask him for advice. Bill said no one has his phone number. He said there are guys that he talks to once in a while. He said there are some people that he can help because they're in a similar situation as he's in. He said it takes some humility to come forward and ask a question like that.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for ''St. Vincent'' and said that he heard that Bill took the guy out to In N' Out Burger. Bill said he actually wanted a burger for himself and he took him there to get one. He said they make great burgers there. He said it's the best franchise burger out there by a million miles. Howard said he's never had one. He said he doesn't eat meat anymore. Bill said that he would suggest if he breaks that fast of meat that he try an In and Out burger. He said nothing comes close.
Howard asked if Bill would ever lend his name to a product. Bill said he's been asked to do that and he's never done it before. He said he's avoided it. Bill said there is something that's kind of creative that involves merchandising. He said it would let him write and create something golf created. He said he thinks he might do it. He said he's met a lot of people through golf and he thinks he owes it to that. He said he could write something like he did for the NBA. He said that was fun. Bill said they came to him with an idea and he got involved and threw himself into it. He said he got to learn how to use Avid and things like that. Howard said there's no shame in that. Bill said he got to do something that he's never been able to do.
Howard said he thinks that the older generation thinks they can't do commercials but now people look at it differently than they used to. Howard said that it used to be uncool when rock bands did that stuff.
Howard asked if Bill has heard the Baba Booey shout outs. Bill said he isn't familiar with that. Robin said it's always after the stroke. Howard said that's right, always after the stroke.
Howard said that it's great that Bill came in today. He said he's a big fan. Howard said he's very indebted to him. He said he taught him how to be funny and it was an honor to have sat with him today. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld is sitting outside waiting for him. He said he's very upset with him.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for his movie and started to wrap up. Bill said Melissa McCarthy, Naomi Watts and a bunch of others in the movie are great. Bill said the kid in the movie is the best he's worked with. He said his mom is great too. Bill said he got the kid in the next movie he's doing with Cameron Crowe. Bill said he isn't a kid actor fan but this kid was really good.
Robin asked if Bill is dating anyone. Bill said it looks like Robin has been working out. Howard asked if he is dating. Bill said half the people in the world are female. He said there are people he really likes going around with. He said he's not as organized as other people. Howard said he has no idea what he means. Bill said there's someone out there who does. Howard gave him more plugs and said that he can't wait to see this movie. Howard said Harvey Weinstein told him to go see it. Bill said he had better listen to him. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chelsea and Bill Murray were great. He said Billy Idol was great too. He asked if Howard was nervous when Bill Murray walked in. Howard said he had so much he wanted to ask him. He said he had such an upward battle when he was on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he was such a big hit in movies. He said that he wasn't nervous but he wanted to get something from him and hear about his life. The caller said he got a lot out of him. The caller said Bill got really deep at the end. Howard said Bill said he wasn't being funny at one point but he liked that. He said that he was just being real. Howard said he was anxious to make sure it went well but he wasn't nervous. The caller said he had a great week of radio. Howard thanked him and let him go as he went into a live commercial read.
Howard said that he doesn't know what to say. Robin asked if he's speechless. Howard said he's fucking exhausted.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview with Bill Murray was fantastic. He said that he's doing a fantastic job with his interviews and he should put them together as a compilation. Howard thanked him for that and let him go. Howard did another live commercial read and said that he has fallen behind with that stuff today.
Howard said the opposite of Bill Murray is when things go wrong. Howard said Prince is a legendary bad interview. Howard said he hosted a Facebook question and answer and he only answered one question. Howard asked why he would bother. Robin said he's right. She said that's ridiculous. Howard asked Gary what the question was. Gary said it's the dumbest question. He said it's about converting his music to digital and what it should convert to. Gary said that they take questions online and that was the only one he chose to answer. Howard said he'd love to know what he didn't answer.
Howard said he wants to say to this British kid who dismembered his girlfriend and blamed the TV show Dexter that Dexter didn't kill his girlfriend. Howard said Dexter killed bad guys. Howard said maybe the guy just didn't get it or he wasn't that well thought out.
Howard read some email about Robert Downey Jr. and also about someone who asked if they can get the Birthday show. Howard said they had it online forever. Howard said that maybe the person was Amish.
Howard read an email about Benjy talking about Howard re-signing with AGT and how much sense he was making the other day. Howard said that Bill Hader got a lot of feedback and someone asked if Bill would take the Artie chair. Howard said he doesn't think Bill would do that but he's welcome to.
Howard said someone wrote in saying that they think he wants to be on SNL and he keeps bringing that up. Howard said he actually has no desire to be on the show.
Howard took a call from Balls who told him how great the interview with Bill Murray was today. He said he came in his pants 6 times over that. Howard said he knows he's exaggerating but he's amazed when people say they pull over to the side of the road and things like that. Robin said she believes it. Howard told Balls to go change his pants then.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been listening about 30 years and she wanted to talk about the AGT thing. She said that she thinks when Howard does AGT it's kind of a disturbance to the loyal customers who are paying to hear him. She said that it does seem he's gone a lot and not present for his listeners. Howard said he'll clear that up for her. Howard said he does 112 shows a year for satellite radio. He said if he does AGT or not he's doing the same number of shows. Howard said it has nothing to do with the number of shows if he's doing AGT. He said if he does AGT then you get to see more of him. The caller thanked him for clearing that up for her.
Howard said it's weird with the AGT discussions. He said President Obama weighed in with an opinion. Howard played a clip of an impersonator asking Howard to come back to America's Got Talent. Howard said that was during his speech at the UN. Robin said he has to go back then because the President has called for it.
Howard played a bit they did with Beetlejuice on Meet the Press. They took clips of Beet talking about how he doesn't get involved in politic shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a great idea to get High Pitch Eric to get on The Biggest Loser. Howard said he's not sure they'd take him. He said it's a great idea though. Robin said he may not make it through the tests they put those contestants through. Robin said they put them through quite a work out. Robin said he has all kinds of conditions. The caller said he should demand it as part of his contract. Howard said he doesn't care that much about it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Bore (AKA Jeff the Drunk) and played him in with a theme song. Howard said they talk about Eric being on the Biggest Loser. Howard said Joey Boots sent a picture of what Eric was eating the other night and it was potatoes and gravy and some broccoli and even that looked like it had some stuff on it.
Jeff asked Howard who the real Jeff the Bore is on Twitter. He said he thinks it's either Sal or Richard. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Jeff said it could be Robin too. Howard said he has to go. He thanked Jeff for the call. Howard said he thinks that this is beyond boring. They played him out with another theme song. Jeff wished Howard a good weekend. He told Robin to shut up. Howard said you don't say that to Robin. He said that's what you say to Benjy.
Howard said that someone wrote in about the Guess My Stage Cancer game and said it was great. Howard said that they learned that Robin had stage 3C and Will had stage 4 cancer. Howard said they have to play that again sometime. Howard played a new song about Robin's cancer stage. He said she inspired yet another song. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:40am.
Jon said he wants to start with Bill Murray. Jon said he's a big fan of Bill's. He said he had that streak of great movies. Jon said that he got him to talk about all of those movies. Jon said Bill is always funny but he thinks Howard got to a lot of serious things too. Jon said the guy is a legend and he doesn't do a lot of interviews. He said he gets maybe 10 or 20 minutes on Letterman. He said here he had a full hour. Gary said that with Letterman you have an audience too. He said that here it's just two people talking. Gary said that he didn't disappoint. He said he was exactly who he thought he'd be. Gary said that it seemed to mean a lot to the audience and it was a meeting of two people they really wanted to meet. Jon said that Bill has called in before but having him in there makes the show shine. He said it's two guys at the top of their games talking about comedy and not analyzing it. He said they were telling stories and reliving those times.
Jon said that Howard was very impressed with the guy and he's very respectful of what he does. He said that sets up a different kind of interview. Gary said that the scope of his career is so large that it's hard to fit it all into an hour. Jon said Bill came in to SNL replacing Chevy Chase and people didn't want that. He said he had to fight to win people over and he did it in that first season he was on.
Gary said that Bill said that everyone loved Gilda Radner or they would fall in love with her. Gary said she was beloved on the show. He said she was cut, funny and lovable. Jon said she was one of if not the best woman to ever be on that show.
Jon said Howard also mentioned that Bill Hader was great on the show. Jon said that Chevy Chase got out of SNL and tried to build his movie career. Jon said that Bill was able to make that happen too.
Gary said that Bill was calling the scenes in Caddyshack ''sketches'' and that's really what they were. Jon said as he went through the list Bill talked about working with Dan Aykroyd and how they're buddies for life. Jon said with Ramis that friendship was at a level he doesn't understand. Jon said you wonder how Bill has come to grips with that. Gary said he did say they made peace before he died.
Jon said he loved that Bill talked about the Oscars and the Oscar buzz and how you really just want people to see the movie. Jon said it's about getting people in the seats. Jon said he's going to see anything that Bill is in. Gary said he would too.
Gary said he likes when a guest comes in with a different outlook than Howard has. He said that Bill has a take on golf. He said he just took up golf himself and he likes the reasons he has for liking it. He said it's not a game but a Comradery. Jon said Bill was also talking about being a caddy and how he learned about how to treat people and how you get to know those people you're carrying the bag around for.
Jon said Bill was also talking about In N' Out Burger. He said the guy has good taste. Gary said his son told him he heard a story about Bill having someone see him out at a restaurant and he just looks up at the guy and says ''No one will believe you.''
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who Howard would like more, Neil Young or Bill Murray. Gary said he thinks that Howard appreciates both but he thinks that he has a super respect for musicians and Neil Young is going to be right up there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Razor's Edge was a very serious movie and he heard that Bill demanded that the movie company let him do that when he agreed to do Ghostbusters. Gary said he's never seen it but he heard it was amazing. The caller said they should see it. Jon said he heard that story about the Ghostbusters thing and Razor's Edge.
Gary said Belushi did a movie called Continental Divide and no one wanted to see him playing that part. He said that everyone wanted to see him playing Bluto part 2. He said you see it today and you see how good he was in it though. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon played a clip of Billy talking about losing his virginity to ''Mony, Mony.'' Jon said his songs aren't one hit wonders. He said he had a bunch of hits. Gary said he loves ''Cradle of Love.'' Jon said that he was talking about the cradle robbers in Rock and Roll. Gary said that's a great song.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been listening since K-Rock and he just got back into it on Sirius 6 months ago. He said that Howard has been great with his interviews. He said that it's just unreal how he interviews people. Jon said he thinks he's hit his stride lately. He said Howard still has to fill that time and he has to ask questions that his audience is going to want to hear. He said he's masterful at it.
Gary said the time helps a lot. He said they can let people sit down and unwind. He said sometimes you don't have that time and you can't just sit down for an hour. Jon said that some people think that it's the time that makes the interviews great but you don't get those kind of interviews on any other show.
Jon said the videos were so important back in the day when Billy was a big hit. He said it was a critical component to selling your music. Gary said he was looking at one song that Billy had that was never a number one hit but it was played on MTV all the time. Gary said that was a number one hit to him because of where it was being shown.
Jon said that Howard was surprised to hear that Billy was still riding motorcycles to this day even after his crash. Gary said that's just Howard.
Jon took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Bill Murray is so cool that he's uncool. She said that he's so likeable. She said the whole package is amazing. She said she hasn't gotten anything done in her house today because of these interviews. She said this was an amazing day for the show. Gary said he thinks that guys like Bill just set out to do what they want to do and they don't do it to be cool or not. Jon said Bill is a regular guy and that's what people identify with. Mariann said he does seem like a regular person but a super talented celebrity.
Mariann told Gary and Jon to go back and look at some of the other characters that Bill did on SNL. She said she knows she sounds old. They thanked her for the call and let her go. Jon said that cast of SNL was something else. He said that they approached it different later on. Jon said he knows what they meant there with the way they changed things. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Chelsea talked about how she needs to control her vacation and she needs to pay for it. Gary said he feels the same way. He said he wants to be able to pay his own way so he can do what he wants to do. Gary said even when he went to Howard's house they tell you to do what you want to but you want to make sure you behave a certain way. Gary said you do feel like you have to be on your best behavior.
Jon played a clip of Chelsea watching the video of Jason Biggs peeing on her face while she's in the water. Jon said that you can tell Howard loves hanging with her and hearing those stories. Gary said Howard loves the fun girl but he's not sure he'd want to be married to someone like that. Gary said he does love her stories though. He said she's so free and open and Howard might wish he could be that much fun.
Jon said the other thing Chelsea likes is going through the enemy list. He said one of the things that came up was when someone shows up late she is annoyed. Gary said he gets that. He said he heard a story about a big movie and a big cast and this one guy showed up 2 hours late and he didn't get the part. Gary said the director didn't need that kind of stress so he kicked that person off. Gary said that is arrogance to show up late to something constantly. He said it can happen once in a while. Gary said he'd rather get there early than show up late. Gary said that he and Jason were talking about Geno Smith missing a Jets meeting the other night. Gary said you make sure you get there when something is going down. He said if you get there late it's like you're the alpha dog and he doesn't like that.
Jon said if someone is constantly late for things it's disrespectful. He said it can be a dinner date or something and it's just flat out rude. Jon said if Howard invites him to something he's going to show up on time. He said it's just part of your DNA. He said some people choose to show up late and it's sometimes arrogance and sometimes just disrespectful. Gary said Howard doesn't tolerate lateness. He said Howard shows up early and that's just the way he rolls.
Jon asked if he should be flattered that Howard picked him to date his daughters. Gary said that he should be half offended because he said he's super safe. He said on the other hand he's good enough for them. Jon said they'll get into that more later this week.
Jon had Shuli run down his Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli did that and then Jon wrapped up the show. He wished Shuli a happy birthday. He and Sal share the same birthday. They were done around 11:20am.
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Gary said he was just pitching a legend in the business. He said that he was telling the publicist that they have more listeners than the morning TV shows have combined.
Jon said people think TV is bigger but it's really not. He said people are listening more and paying more attention than they are on TV. Gary said they're more likely to go out and buy a book or go see a movie. He said that it's not always the case on TV.
Jon said Robert Downey Jr. was paying more attention at the Birthday Bash than anyone else. He said he told Howard he was going to come back and promote anything he has to promote and he followed through. Gary said he was surprised when he actually did that and Robert was shocked that he didn't think he'd follow through.
Jon said Howard has a mutual respect with Robert. He said the interview covered a lot of stuff and part of that was Howard trying to broker a lunch between Robert and Sarah Jessica Parker. Gary said that got a lot of press. Gary said sometimes they think something in an interview is going to be big news and they end up being wrong. He said something else becomes big news instead. Jon played a clip of the Sarah Jessica Parker discussion.
Jon said Robert is a really good interview. Gary said he's been around forever. He said he started out when he was very young. Jon said it wasn't that long ago that he wasn't in a good place. He said Jon Favreau went to bat for him and that worked out very well for him with Iron Man.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's enjoying the interviews lately. He said he's wondering about how people think they have to be open to do the show. He asked if they're asked not to touch certain topics. Gary said they're not really. He said they keep doing the same thing. Gary said he can sit in his room and guess about the questions that might come up. He said that if you come on and think you're through a curve ball then you really don't know what's going on there.
Jon said you never know where an interview is going to go. He said that's in a good way. He said you can talk about what you're comfortable talking about and you can say no to questions. He said the more diplomatically you do it the better off you are. Gary said Howard knows not to keep going at something. He said he'll move on if it's not working. He said he knows not to push because that might make the person not want to talk about other things.
Jon said when you're in the studio you forget where you are. He said it becomes an intimate conversation with Howard.
Gary asked Jon if he got to go on the set of his favorite TV show and then you see all of this stuff at once. He said it's tough for someone to come in and do that. Gary said the people who come in there and have the ability to beat them at games just have super confidence. Jon said that it's like watching Jeopardy at home and then getting on the show is a different thing. Gary said he had that but that's a different story. Gary said he did a lot of promotion with his book and the shows he was on looked like sets. He said their studio doesn't look like a set. He said it's a different experience for the guests.
Jon said it's easy to go out with an ex sometimes. He said that he wonders how everyone around there would handle that. Jon said he thinks it's always awkward. He said you can laugh it off and say it's a long time ago. Gary said his wife gets annoyed that he's friends with some ex's on Facebook. Gary said he's been really up front about how he wants to see how other people are doing and see if they're doing better than him. He said he knows it's a dick move. Jon said he wants to know but also doesn't want to know. Gary said he wants to see how people are doing in general. He said he just wants to know. Jon said he thinks that's what a lot of people on Facebook want. He said that's the appeal of Facebook.
Jon asked if Gary ever had an awkward conversation with an ex. Gary said no. He said he's not sure what awkward is. Jon asked if Mary felt odd or if Gary met one of Mary's ex's. Gary said that her's are hidden. He said he only saw one in a room once.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the show seems like it's hitting on all cylinders. He asked if they think that people are going to think of Howard's desk like Johnny Carson's or David Letterman's desk. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that it will be memorable when people got to sit there. Gary said someone suggested they send some of these interviews to archives. He said that he thinks Howard belongs in that company with Letterman and Carson. Jon said sometimes people will come up there and see the couch and thinks ''Oh, that's the couch!'' Jon said he thinks Howard's chair will be saved. He said Howard has had that for a long time. Gary said they bought that in the middle of the run at K-Rock so it's probably 15-18 years old. Gary said they got catalogs to find a new chair and they didn't like anything. He said they got a new chair and Howard didn't like that. He said they bought Rush Limbaugh's as a goof and Howard didn't like that. He said Howard's chair is battle scarred. Jon said he thinks that will stand the test of time. He said maybe that will make it into the Smithsonian. They went to break after that.
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Jason said he saw the band about a month ago and they are on the stage moving around the whole time. He said they put on a show and people forget about how important that is. Gary said he took his son to see them and you're blown away at how good they sound. He said that you wonder if they are doing something to enhance it and they're not. He said he saw him at the birthday show and you realize Steven Tyler is just one talented guy. Jon said they bring a different kind of performance to the fans. Jason said that he saw Kanye West and he brings a performance to the stage too.
Jon said that Joe and Steven have been on the show and told stories about each other. Jon said that there are two sides to every story. He said he thought the interview was very enlightening. Jason said he was saying things and he was very comfortable saying them. He said that he's not sure if it was sour grapes or what but he felt it was that Joe is just very comfortable and doing his own thing.
Jon said people forget that they were teenagers in an apartment when this all started. He said the shit really hit the fan when they all sobered up. Gary said that was a long time ago though. Jon said it was but this stuff continues.
Jason said that he was assigned to Steven Tyler at the Birthday Bash and he appreciates that. He said the guy is insane though. He said he's bouncing off the walls back stage. He said Joe is the opposite of that. He said when you're the opposite like that it has to be tough. He said he can see why that caused trouble.
Gary said Lucas did a thing at Jones Beach with the band OAR. He said that he was talking to the lead singer and he told him that they got together in junior high school and the dreamt this up. He said they can't imagine fighting like other bands do. Gary said he understands that when you're 15 you dream that dream and then achieve it. Gary said Jerry Lewis wrote a book about how people get in your ear and tell you that you don't need that person. He said that's what happened with Jerry and Dean Martin.
Jason said that Steven Tyler has been a perfectionist and they have been clashing over that since they started. He said it's been there the whole time. He said the fact that they've stayed together and stayed relevant really says something about them. Jason said there aren't a lot of bands that are like that. They mentioned a few like the Rolling Stones, The Who and Bruce Springsteen.
Gary said he got upset with Jim McClure who said some things about the E Street Band and how he thinks the young guys are the ones playing and the old guys are sitting in the back relaxing. Gary said that really upset him. He said he knows that those guys are playing their hearts out. Jason said he saw them with Gary and they really do put on a great show.
Jon said one of the things Joe talked about was that Steven went to the hospital and he complained that no one visited him. Joe explained that his lawyer told them not to visit. Jon played a clip of that conversation.
Jon said there are two sides to every story. Jon said that makes sense now. Jon said Steven didn't tell Joe not to come. It's about people getting involved and telling them not to come.
Jon said imagine that Gary is in a Connecticut hospital, who would come to visit. Gary asked what he's in for. Jon said maybe it's a broken leg. Gary said he would get phone calls from Howard and Robin. He said it's not life threatening. Gary said Jon and Jason would come. He said Will would want to come but he has things to do at home. Gary said if he were living in the city then maybe Will would come. Gary said he thinks if they were going then Steve would jump in the car. Jon said JD won't visit. Gary thinks he would. Jon said he'd have to go pick him up and bring him.
Jon asked if Fred would go. Gary said he thinks he might. He said he's like that. Jon said he'd like to go more severe but he's not sure how severe. Jason said he was in the hospital and he had a bad infection. He said he missed one day of the show. Jason said Howard sent a gift basket and people from the office showed up. He said the thing that meant the most was Gary calling him. He said he sounded legitimately concerned. Jason said Gary was awesome. Jason said the hospital was in Manhattan though and no one visited. He said the phone call from Gary meant a lot though.
Gary said if the hospital is on the east side he wonders if they'd go and take a cab there. Jon said they might take the train over and take the train back. He said they're all family there. They went to break after that.
Jon said that show still follows the same basic format it did in the 1970s. He said that people hold a special place for the jack of all trades people like Phil Hartman and Bill Hader. Jason said he still watches every week and he's a fan of the show. He said that's through good times and bad times. Jason said that Dan Aykroyd had his best years on SNL. He said Bill Hader does fit into that mould of a great SNL performer. He said there were people like Chris Rock who didn't do their best on SNL but they did their best later on after SNL. Jon said there were people like Julia Louis Dreyfus who did her best work outside of SNL. Jon said Gilbert was on SNL and he didn't do his best work on SNL either. Gary said that was the time when Lorne wasn't producing the show and things got kind of strange.
Jason said he loves Bobby Moynihan but these days there are a lot of really funny women on SNL. He said the current cast has Kate McKinnon and the bigger woman too. He said that Cecily Strong has her strong characters too. Gary said he likes Kate's Russian woman too. Jason said Vanessa Bayer is great too.
Jon said Howard always asks about the process of how the show all comes together. He said Bill Murray was talking about that too and how the performer can raise it a few notches or not. He said either way they're working without a net. He said that Howard is the same way because he's working without a net. Gary said someone wrote in this week about how Howard wanted to do SNL and he's wondering why he should do it. Jon said he doesn't think Howard would host. Gary asked why not. Jon said he thinks Howard is sort of bigger than SNL. Jon said the cameos on SNL can be great if they're done the right way. He said if they could figure out a way to get him on the show for something quick then it might be great. Jason said he would love for Keenan Thompson to do the What's Up With That segment. Jon said it would be great if he just walked across the screen and did something.
Jon said they might have a better shot at getting Howard in a digital short than getting him to stay up until that hour on a Saturday night.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Aziz about playing the Garden. Jon said that he also talked about what Chris Rock told him when he said he was going to do this show in Toronto. Chris told him that he had to do it at the Garden.
Jason said he thinks that he thinks Jerry Seinfeld encouraged Chris Rock to do something similar and it's almost like Chris is paying it forward with Aziz. Jon said that he's wondering if he's going to mentor other people and keep it building.
Gary said that he thinks that comedians are more into helping each other now. He said back in the 80s people would wish for other comedians to fail. Jason said we're all human beings and you have to think Chris is hoping that Aziz doesn't kill like he does. Jon said he thinks that Chris would try to one up him 6 months later if that happened. Jason said that would be awesome. Gary said he's not sure anyone is going to cheer someone on to beat their record at something.
Jon had Mike Hambrick from Howard 100 News run down some news headlines. Mike went through a couple and also got in a plug for Leiberman Live. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.
JD said he had trouble sleeping the night before. He said he loves Bill. JD said he was trying to think about pulling a Richard Christy and getting a picture with Bill Murray. He said he thought about asking Gary about it in the morning. JD said didn't do it though. He said he stayed back and didn't go in. Jon said he wants to know more about that. He said Richard wears a t-shirt or something to show what a fan he is. JD said Groundhog Day was playing on the Sundance channel so he did that while he was there. He said that he doesn't have any t-shirts or clothing that would show he's a fan. Jon said he could have done a Governale method and just burst in and say something to him. JD said the closest he got to that was thinking about asking Gary if he could meet Bill Murray. He said that's the closest he's gotten to asking to do something. He just didn't want to be that guy. Jon said ''good for you.'' JD said if it happens later in life then fine but if not, oh well.
JD said he met Quentin Tarantino once. He said they brought him in and did that and it was nice. He said it felt kind of forced and he's not big on that. He said that it didn't mean that much to Quentin. He said if he wanted to meet someone he really likes he wants them to want to do it back. He said he would like a whole conversation to evolve. He said he knows Bill Murray wouldn't care. JD said sometimes people get pictures with celebrities and it's cool but Bill is an icon.
Jon asked if JD thought he would get his balls broken if he had asked to meet him. JD said he did think that could happen. He said he figured they might have him come in and mumble something to Bill Murray. Jon asked if he regrets letting it go. JD said not really. He said he did yesterday but not so much today. He said he only lost a little bit of sleep over it.
Jon said he thinks everyone up there would have liked to have done something like that. JD said that was another thing. He said he didn't want to be the douche bag. Jon said he would have done it. JD said he would have if he could have figured out how to get rid of that other stuff. Jon said he can hang with Will Murray instead. JD said he's spent too much time doing that.
Jon said Gary gets to interact with guys like that. He said that he was hoping Bill would want to record an ID or something after that. Jon said he just lets them do their thing and never says he's a fan. Jon said he would have loved doing that with Bill Murray. JD said that he did so many great movies. Jon said he remembers him on Saturday Night Live and things like that. He said he was a kid when Meatballs and Caddyshack came out. He said he was a hero. Jon said he was the funniest guy they'd ever seen. He said he just got better and better as time went on. Jon said he always had that regular guy kind of a feel. He said there are a lot of urban legends about him and he thinks they're totally true. JD said there is video evidence of that.
Jon asked if JD would ever jump in and do something for a fan. JD said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't try to associate with anyone. JD said he has been asked to appear at weddings and stuff. Jon asked what they ask him to do. JD said they just want him to give the ring or something. He said it didn't get much past that.
Jon said JD was talking about how didn't get much sleep the other night when Bill Murray came in. He said he thought better of it. Gary said he would have had to have said no. He said it's no for everyone. Gary said he would have had to have asked Howard and he would have thought of something dumb for him to do. Jon said JD knew better.
Gary said Howard would have had to have gone through a whole thing to get a picture. Jon said then he would have been the douche bag. Gary said he was dying to have a picture with Robert Downey Jr. but he didn't want to bother him. He said Robert then pulled him aside on his way out and asked for a picture. He said he ended up posting it on his Twitter.
Gary said JD told him about a Bill Murray movie that's his favorite. JD said he doesn't remember saying that. He said he really likes ''Groundhog Day'' and ''Scrooged.'' He said there's a bunch.
JD said he hasn't seen the movie Meatballs. Jon said they have to watch it together. He said he caught it on cable a couple of months ago and it held up. He said they have to have a date and watch the movie. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon played a clip of Howard talking about the dating his daughter thing. Jon said that the mom jeans thing got started after that. Gary said they crack a joke about someone on the show and it becomes a fact of your life. Gary said that Jon is known for not jerking off and getting 80 blow jobs. Jon said he never said it was 80. He said it was numbers approaching that. Jon said if he goes in and starts arguing then he knows the can of worms that will open up.
Gary asked JD what they pile up on him about that's not true. Gary said it's something that's urban legend that never really happened. Jon said he thinks most of them are facts that are true. Jon said the spoon thing got blown out. JD said he doesn't collect spoons. He said he did a long time ago though. Gary asked if he ever had more than 10. JD said he had less than 20. Jon asked how they were organized. JD said they weren't. He said they were thrown in a lock box. Jon asked if he really didn't organize them. JD said no. He said he thought about doing that and having them placed somewhere. Jon asked if he thought they'd be worth something. JD said possibly. He said he was getting over baseball cards and looking for something else. He said he knows people collect thimbles and things like that. He said he thought about spoons. JD said he'd see them around and he thought no one really does that.
Gary asked JD which spoon which was his most unique. JD said he had one from Apple Barn and something else. Gary said they were easy to get though. JD said maybe they were. He said he also collected Pez dispensers too. Jon said they'll get to that soon. Jon asked more about the spoons and JD told him to stop. He said that he's just being an asshole about it. Jon asked how long he collected them. JD said it was a couple of months.
Jon said he's heard of a lot of collections but not thimbles. Gary said he doesn't know what would constitute an old thimble from a new one. JD said he doesn't know. Jon asked if he chose the thimble when he played Monopoly. JD said no. He said he always uses the top had. Gary asked if anyone has ever seen someone use a thimble in real life. No one said they had.
Jon asked JD about his T-shirt thing and how many he goes through (when jerking off). JD said he has talked about this before. Jon said he does it when he jerks off and he cleans up with the shirt and then throws it out. Gary said he must have missed that discussion. JD said he's done with that. He said he just uses old t-shirts that don't fit. Jon asked what he uses now. JD said paper towels. He said he wants to stop talking about this. Jon did him a favor and went to break a short time later.
Jon said that sounds like a Governale vacation to him. Gary said that Jason Biggs has a very friendly and innocent face. He said that he doesn't seem like the guy who would pee on you. Jon said he's never thought about it that way. Gary said he's just a nice guy. He said he would never think that he would pee on him. Jon said it sounds like he has his dick out all the time according to Chelsea. Jon said you know that wouldn't go down with Howard. Gary said he might go down if he were a safe distance away. Jon said that he's out of it's nearby then. Gary said that Jason must have known that Chelsea wouldn't be bothered by it.
Jon said that some people find that disgusting but others find it funny. Gary said he thinks Richard finds it funny but Sal finds it interesting on a different level. Gary said Richard and Sal want to do a bit where they are hung upside down and try to pee in a cup. He said he's just imagining Richard in gravity boots.
Jon said Chelsea loves talking about whatever goes down. He said there's no filter on her. He said that's what makes her a good guest. Gary said that she doesn't back off with anything.
Jon said Billy Idol was also on and he was talking about how he was on heroin and how it helped him focus on his music and career. Gary said he's the first person he's ever heard say that. Gary said he has a friend who went through the drugs in the business and he has a theory. He said that people who are on heroin may hold up better than people who are on coke. Gary said that Billy came in looking like a guy who has exercised his whole life. Jon said he also revealed he lost his virginity at 14 1/2. Gary said Billy said he got a hand job at 13 too. Jon asked JD if he ever had anything like that. JD said not really. He said he had a girlfriend in 6th grade. He didn't even get a kiss from her though. He said they held hands. Jon asked if he tried to make a move. JD said that he didn't want to ruin things. He said that lasted a couple of months. He said he broke up with one girl and he's not sure what happened with the other ones.
Jon said he broke up with a girl and it was such a pussy move. He said by the end of it she wanted to break up with him. Gary said he asked a friend to tell this girl that they weren't going out anymore.
Jon said Billy Idol had a lot of hit songs. Gary said he wrote a lot of the songs. He said that he was a real rocker. He said he was one of those guys you were afraid of almost back then. Jon said he was very talented and a great guy. Jon wrapped up and ended the show after that. They were done around 10:40am.