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Howard and the guys were back from their winter vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how they're really back live and it's not a replay of them saying they're back live. Howard said they may play this back and they won't be live though. Robin said she watches TiVo sometimes and it says live but it's not actually live. Howard asked how they really know.
Howard said he has plenty to say today. He said he can see that the phones are lit up too. He said people want to get on the air and talk. Howard said he has much to do today. He said he has too much to do. He wanted to start off talking about the death of a great broadcaster. He said Bob Grant died. He said he wants to talk about Bob because he considers him to be the best broadcaster he's ever heard. Howard said he was only known in New York. He said he never went national.
Howard said when he was a kid his father would drive to work and he was consumed with radio. He said he'd put the radio on and tell him to shush. Howard said Bob was on WMCA for a while and then went to WABC. Howard said he was a talk guy and he became aware of him when he was a kid. He said Bob came to New York in the early 1970s. He said he was a mainstay in New York radio. Howard said he was a conservative talk show host and he was much different than Rush Limbaugh. Howard said he was one of the first. He said Joe Pyne came before him but Bob was this well informed conservative who would often become liberal on social issues. He said he had such a flair. Howard said he was such a broadcaster and he was so good on the radio. He said he could hold your attention for hours. Howard said even if you got annoyed with the interruptions on the station you had to stay tuned. Howard said his father would quote the guy and didn't want to miss a word of what he had to say. He said he became his model for what a good radio person was. Howard said he didn't want anything to interrupt him. He said that guy was Bob Grant.
Howard said when he's asked who his early influences were he's asked if Don Imus was an influence. Howard said they ask if Larry Lujack was an influence. Howard said he didn't know what that guy even did. Howard said Bob Grant was his influence. Howard said some other guys like Leon Lewis and guys like that too. Howard said he was a black guy. Howard said Brad Crandall was another one. He said that Bob Grant was the main guy though. He said he was a really powerful guy.
Howard said the thing that amazed him was that when Rush Limbaugh became big he figured that Bob Grant would be that guy. He said it angered him that he wasn't known nationally. Howard said Bob was very memorable because he'd tell people ''Remember, get Gaddafi. Howard said he would remember that even though he didn't know who it was. Howard said he read about Gaddafi later on in life and figured he was right. Howard said Bob was on fire about him before anyone was. Howard said he thought Gaddafi must have fucked his wife and that's why Bob was so angry about him.
Howard said Bob had a line where he'd say ''Get off my phone!'' and he loved that too. He said he made the phone his. He said it wasn't ABC's phone, it was his. Howard said he was the best broadcaster he's ever heard. He said he's sorry he's gone.
Howard said he ran into Bob a few times and he ran into him in the hallway of a club they were at and he said hello. Howard said he got email from Bob a few times too and he'd write him back and never hear back about what he wrote. Howard said he never got a response. He said he wanted to establish a relationship with the guy but it never did happen. Howard said he's not sure if the email didn't work.
Howard said he had Bob on the show once and he turned things around on him and said that he had influenced Bob. He said that bob went along with him saying that but he was a gentleman about it. Howard said he was fascinated by every aspect of this guy. He said he remembers at one point he went to an FM station after being on AM stations for so long. He said he didn't like the sound of his voice on FM. He said he saw a picture of Bob and he saw that he had gotten a nose job. Howard said he was so pissed that he went too far with the nose. He said that it looked like a woman's nose. He said they made it too thin. He said they gave him a woman's nose. Howard said he thought that it had affected his voice. Howard said he had a different tonality. He said he listened for every nuance of his life. Howard said he was trying to find out as much as he could about the guy. He wondered if he had it together off the air like he did on the air. Howard said he was surprised to read he was divorced. Howard said he changed his name too. He said he thought he should have kept his original name. Howard said he was into this guy and analyzing him.
Howard said he read about bob having a girlfriend on the air and things like that. Howard said he wishes he wasn't such a dickhead to Bob. He said Bob reached out to him a few times and he didn't take the opportunity to get together with the guy. Howard said he could have been a mentor to him. He said he could have turned to him and ask him how to handle some things.
Howard said Bob did fuck up a few times. He said he said some things he doesn't agree with. He said he made some comments about gays and things like that. Howard said when you're on the air so much you say things that you regret. He said that there is a compulsion to entertain your audience. Howard said he has changed his views on some things. Howard said he used to use the word ''fag'' on the air but he turned around on that. Howard said he used to use the word too. Howard said now he won't use it. Howard said there are lots of things you say being on the air for hours and hours. He said Bob was a really informed guy. He said he was fascinating too.
Howard said Bob would take a call from someone and he'd be into local politics. Howard said he knew so much about local things like that. Howard said he had such a great way about him on the air. Robin asked if he had a staff that would fill him in. Howard said it was all off the cuff. He said he doesn't think he had a staff. He said back then they didn't have a staff. He said they didn't even have producers back then. Howard said he knows about everything like that. Robin said maybe he had a staff or he could pick the callers. Howard said he thinks he was pretty incredible. Robin said he was a good broadcaster but he didn't have magical powers. Howard said he says yes.
Howard said his father never took him anywhere. He said one time bob was speaking at a temple so his father took him there to hear him speak. Howard said this guy knew how to work local media and a local audience. Howard said Bob was a great speaker. He said he'd break into Yiddish on the air at times. Howard said he couldn't speak in full sentences but he'd throw in a word here and there. Howard said it was impressive to him. He said Bob knew how to play to a crowd. He said he knew the New York audience. He said he played to that crowd and he knew how to do it.
Howard said Bob didn't suck up to anyone though. He said Rush Limbaugh isn't half the broadcaster that Bob was. Howard said he never understood why he didn't get a national show. He said it seemed weird to him. He said if he had a talk radio station he would have hired Bob. Howard said he had the whole act. He said it didn't make sense to him.
Robin said maybe he was eclipsed by these more showy people. Howard said maybe he was. Howard said Bob Grant was such an excellent voice for the new conservatives. He said that he didn't agree with everything the republican party had to say. Howard said that as a local radio guy in New York he figured the guy would have a national show.
Howard said Bob is dead and he wanted to mention it. Robin said she did wonder about who his influences are because he never talks about that. Howard said he did talk about it in his book. He said that it's a huge flaw of his and he has regrets.
Howard said he has had a few regrets. Howard said they did get Gaddafi too. Howard said Bob was still trying to broadcast in his 80s. He said he was doing it on the internet. Howard said he should have had a better venue. Howard said he saw that they were asking for donations to Bob's favorite charities. Howard said he should have taken those opportunities to talk to the guy. He said he hopes he's gotten a little smarter and more mature. Howard said not much but more mature.
Howard and Robin said goodbye to Bob. Howard said that he's the greatest broadcaster that ever lived. Howard said that he had great ratings there in New York. He said he had bigger numbers that Rush Limbaugh ever did. Howard said there's no joking about that. Howard said unfortunately he may be forgotten. Howard said Gary told him the same story about his dad listening to Bob Grant. Howard said that they all had that experience growing up around the same time. Howard said that his father wouldn't even look at him in the car but he'd tune into Bob Grant. Howard did his impression of his dad talking about them doing the news on the station for 10 minutes instead of letting Bob do his thing. Howard said that got him thinking and how he wanted to be the draw and not let them do news on his show. Howard said they were challenging people to turn off their radios. Howard said they did that at WNBC. Howard said Robin was doing her news but they'd stick someone in there to do their version of the news.
Howard said if he wants to hear the news he'll tune into a news station. Howard said these days the news stations don't even do straight news. He said they're yucking it up like a morning show.
Howard said there are a lot of people in his life that he hasn't spoken about. He said that Bob is one of them. Howard said that he has talked about some. Robin said he has some time there so he should start making some phone calls. Howard said he'll call Robin.
Howard asked Sal to pass the message along through Teresa Caputo to tell Bob what he said about him since she speaks to the dead. Robin said that they never say they can't speak to the dead. Robin said they always say that their family are fine and the want you to go on with their life. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said that they're also on Facebook now. He said he's not sure what took so long but they are on there now. Howard said that he's not that much into the social media thing. He said he has a Twitter account. He said he gets a note every week asking him to tweet. He said he doesn't like reading his own Twitter account. He said they say negative things about him and he doesn't want to hear that. Howard said he gets on and reads it and then he reads the negative comments a few down and it's a laundry list about him having fake hair and a big Adam's apple and things like that. Howard said it's stuff he already says. Robin said she has people telling her that they hope she dies. Howard said that it can drag you down.
Howard said he does put some pictures up and he tries to answer some questions. He said he hates answering in one or two words. He said it's a pain to retweet and do all of that. He said he feels his life sapping away and his energy draining. He said he knows one thing and it's radio. He said he doesn't need Twitter. He said it's a waste of time.
Howard said he was in Mexico for 6 days. He said it was 80 degrees down there. He said it's so cold there in New York. He said it doesn't make sense. He said early man should have gotten out of there. He said that they should move somewhere warm. Robin said there are some people who live in places where it never gets warm. Howard said they're crazy. Howard said he thinks that early man was lazy. He said that they must not have known that they could move to a warm place. He said that he's not sure what they were thinking. Howard said he just wants to go to Mexico or L.A. to get warm. He said it doesn't make sense to live in a cold place.
Howard took a call from Bobo so he was the first caller of 2014. Bobo said he was wondering how Benjy showed up at the Christmas party. Howard said Benjy managed to be the guy to suck the energy over to his side of the room. Howard said they rented out this nice place called Lore. Howard said he threw a big bash for the staff and it's great. Howard said Benjy has always managed to become the focal point of the party. Howard said they were kissing and making out the first year. Then one year he dressed peculiarly. Howard said this year he asked if he could wear a duck costume. Howard said he told him to just come and hang out and enjoy. Howard said they had a nice full bar and he tries to be the man for everyone. Howard said Benjy told him he would feel more comfortable in a duck costume.
Howard said Benjy didn't wear that duck costume. Howard said Benjy got there and he didn't see him the whole night but he heard he was in the ladies room the whole night with Elisa. He said that she was sick or something and she was throwing up. Benjy said she had been juice fasting so she wasn't eating anything that day. He said they're not sure what happened. Benjy said he fainted a few days later. Benjy said he didn't eat anything that night though. He said they're not sure what happened. He said Elisa felt sick but all she had was some alcohol. She didn't have any food there.
Howard said Benjy had to go in there and they had to assign a female attendant to the restroom. Howard said Benjy was hardly at the party. He didn't bother taking her home. Benjy said they came back out at the end of the party. Howard said he heard he was in there for hours. Benjy said it was like an hour and a half. Benjy said she couldn't even stand up. He said she was very sorry about what happened. Howard said every year there's something going on with him.
Howard asked Gary what he heard. Gary came in and said he saw them when they first came in. He said Elisa is stunningly beautiful. He said he's still trying to figure out why she's with Benjy. He said they were talking and she said she was getting free drinks and she didn't know what to do. Gary said his wife told him that she was in the bathroom and people kept seeing her in there. Gary said they had the attendant in there making sure she didn't fall. He said even after all of that she still looked awesome.
Howard asked Benjy if he's going to marry her at some point. Benjy said they do talk about it. Howard said something is holding him back. Gary said he says he loves her. He asked what's holding him back. Benjy said before they dated he was never committed to the idea of marriage. He said he doesn't even know why. Howard said he wants to be a player. Benjy said he doesn't do that though. Gary said he wants to keep his options open. Howard said she must get hit on every day. Howard said he must want to lock her up. Benjy said if someone wants to cheat they're going to do it. Benjy said it's kind of flattery in a way. Howard said Benjy is a pimp.
Benjy said he's in therapy. Howard said it doesn't seem to be working. Benjy said he's trying to figure out life. He said he wants to be a better person. Howard said they figured out a new way to get attention. Benjy said Howard didn't even know about it.
Gary said there were some people getting involved with it and they knew that if Howard knew about it he'd only focus on that. Howard said he's right.
Benjy said that he did talk to Gary at the end of the party. Gary said she was gone for about 2 hours of the party. Benjy said she wasn't fine but they wanted to be there. Howard said they should have just gone home. Benjy said they wanted to be there for a little bit. Howard said he had already left the party after he had disrespected it. Howard said she probably just drank too fast. Benjy said she was extremely nervous. Howard asked why. Benjy said that it can be nerve wracking. He said that he was nervous himself. He said he's calm now but his nervousness gets to her. Howard said if she was gross she'd have something to be nervous about. Howard said she's hot and hot chicks don't get nervous.
Gary said that Richard had a breathalyzer thing on his phone. He said they were doing a test through the party and he went from a .01 to a .40 by midnight. He said the party was over at 11 but Richard stuck around until after midnight. Robin said she spent some time talking to Richard and he was fine. She said that he must have done this after she talked to him. Gary said that's what it was.
Howard said it almost encourages him to drink if he has a breathalyzer. Howard said he doesn't understand a grown man wanting to do that. He said it's such a turn off. He said it's crazy. Gary said Richard really enjoys drinking. Robin said he was behaving himself until they left the party. Then he got shit faced.
Howard said there's something to be said about getting together with the office and not wanting to be a douche. Gary said they used to have a party with one of the salesmen and he would bring a date that wouldn't embarrass him. He said one of the sales guys would do something stupid every year though. He said the owner of the company was there and you'd think they'd want to behave. Howard said that's crazy to him.
Gary said that one of the sales guys almost got fired when his wife asked Mel Karmazin for some of his money.
Gary said that Richard went to the Eagles game over the weekend and he started drinking 8 hours before the game so he could be ready for the game. Howard said that's just crazy. Richard came in and said he's going to take it easy today. Howard said he sat down with Richard and Sal at the party and convinced Sal to sing. He said it didn't take much convincing.
Howard said he did something he never does. He said he had a sit next to Scott the Engineer and they talked a little bit. Howard said he doesn't really remember what they talked about if they did. Richard said he thought he saw Howard dozing off over there.
Howard said they did this bit where they were asking what the staff's new year resolutions were. Howard said Scott was trying to be funny in his and it's just dull. Howard said you have to hear this. Howard played a clip of what he was talking about. In the clip Scott was saying that his new year's resolution was ''What is it... ummm...'' Howard said that's what he expected. He said he didn't think it was going to be any different. Howard did his impression of Scott and goofed on him about that dull bit he was doing.
Howard played more of the clip and Scott said he's going to get rid of the black cloud this year and then he says ''fuck you'' to everyone.
Howard said that Scott is trying to come up with a stand up bit for when he's out on the road. Howard said that he's doing a ''You know you're old when...'' bit. Gary said he even Googled it to make sure no one else was doing it. Howard asked when he's going to debut the act. Richard said she should come in and do it now.
Scott came in and said he doesn't have an act. He said he's not doing anything with the bit. Gary said it's fact. He said that Nick saw him Google it. Scott said he was just fucking around with him. Howard said it looks like he got fat again. Scott said he did. He said it wasn't a good year for him. Gary said that Scott did have a joke about how you know you're old when you know all of the newscasters on 1010 WINS. Howard said he was doing the bit then. Scott said he was just goofing around with the idea. He said he wasn't doing it seriously.
Howard did more of his impression of Scott and came up with some more jokes for his ''You know you're old when...'' thing. Howard said he knows Scott wanted to do this bit but then he realized how lame it was. Richard asked if he looked into trade marking it. Scott said he didn't and he wasn't that serious about the whole thing.
Howard asked if Scott had a miserable vacation. Scott said he had a fine vacation. He said that they had no bowling though. He said that he didn't do any at all. Howard said he thinks that Scott getting anal from a porn star would make him a ton of dough. Scott said they have been through this already. He said that's the fucked in the ass tour. Howard said that he could get fucked in every city. Howard said he would leave his house to go see that act and he never goes out to see anything.
Howard said it's crazy because they make up stories about the photos that have no reality. He said they're just sitting by the pool and they have stories made up for the pictures. Howard said it's insane.
Robin asked why it is that they pick Jennifer to follow. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that Jennifer was pleased to hear that Robin named her cat after her.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel was down there too. He said that he was cooking for them. Howard said he was great at cooking. He said they just sat there drinking wine and eating Jimmy's food. He said it was good. He said he proposed to Jimmy but he's already married. He said he loves that guy. He said he had a great time with Justin too. He said he's a smart guy. He said he wrote Iron Man 2 and Tropic Thunder too. Howard said he's a funny fucking guy.
Howard said that he gets up at like 4 in the morning even when he's on vacation. He said he had a frying pan and some egg whites. He said he eats and then goes back to bed. Howard said he and Beth would get up and go for a walk for like an hour and a half. Howard said he got up at like 4 in the morning one morning and there was a note in his frying pan. He said the note said that Jimmy wanted to get up so they could go for a walk with them. Howard said he didn't want to wake them up. Howard said he was angry about that. He said they're late night people and they don't get up. He didn't want to wake them up.
Howard said they went to wake them up and knocked lightly on their door. Howard said they get back after the walk and tells Jimmy that he didn't want to wake him up. It turns out Justin left the note in the frying pan so he'd wake Jimmy up. He said that's pretty funny. Robin said that's great. Howard said that's a pretty good practical joke. He said he wanted to get them back. He said they have a book in their house for people to sign. Howard said he was going to draw a big cock and balls and write that he had a terrible time. He said he didn't do it though. He said he didn't have the heart to do that to them. He said he can draw a great cock and balls too. He said he has perfected it.
Bobo asked Howard if he knew there were no Paparazzi around, would he have sex with Beth outdoors. Howard said he would. He said that they started to do that when they first started dating. They were in Hawaii at the time. He said they bailed on the idea. He said it turns out there were Paparazzi out there the whole time. Howard said he was shocked to find that out. He said they were hiding in the trees out there.
Howard said he had a nice time on vacation. He said he started to bum out immediately but within 20 minutes he was fine. He said it was weird that he was content. He said that Beth even said to him that he wasn't a pain in the ass. He said he was fine down there. Howard said they were sad to see them go when they went home. Howard said that was very odd. He said that he didn't throw any tantrums this time. Robin said Jimmy was worried about it.
Howard said they played golf down there. Howard said he hates that game so much. Howard said he asked them to play so it was his idea. Howard said he hit the ball 300 yards at Jimmy's wedding and Jimmy still swears it went that far. Howard said that he went with Justin and Jimmy and they went to the course and he had to wear a collared shirt. He said down there they really don't care though. He said that he could have golfed with his shirt off if he wanted to. Howard said he could have gone bare foot too.
Howard said the best thing about golf is the golf cart. He said it's cool driving on the lawn. He said that was the most fun for him. He said they had the pro with them. He said that they told him he'd never hit the ball 300 yards again. Howard said he went out for some practice swings on the driving range. Howard said they gave him a glove to use. He said he had a golf glove. He said he was swinging and missing at first. He said then he hit the fucking ball and the ball went about 220 yards. He said he hit another one 250. Howard said he wanted to get out on the course after that. He said his chest was hurting from hitting the ball so hard. He said he has no finesse. Robin said she's never even tried to sing a club. Howard told her not to bother. He said her tits might get in the way. He said he felt like he had her tits when he was swinging.
Howard said they went out to the first hole and he whacked the ball really far. He said it kind of went where he wanted it to. He said he was a natural. Howard said they had a caddy and a golf pro along with them. Howard said there's no exercise involved because they had a caddy too. Howard said he hit the good shot and then he had to use another club to get it in the hole. Howard said that's a whole other story. He said he was over hitting and hitting into the sand traps and into the woods. Howard said the second stroke is the tough one. He said the only thing he's good at is the first stroke.
Howard said the caddy was counting at first but then he was doing so bad that he told him to stop. Howard said they were so bad at golf that the game lasted 2 hours and they only got to the 4th hole. He said the people behind them were waved past because they were so bad. Howard said the owner of the golf course came out and asked them to move on to the next hole. He said he brought them to the 4th hole. He said they have a comfort station there at the hole. He said they have every bit of alcohol you'd ever want there. Howard said it's a man's man kind of hang. He said he gets why people like golf after seeing that. Howard said it's like Rick's Cabaret without the women. Howard said if they had one of those shacks at every hole he'd be there.
Howard said he just hates golf. He said it's the biggest waste of time game ever. He said this little Mexican guy caddy was over tipped. He said the pro gave them some balls and they brought back 3 of the 45 they had. Howard said they lost 42 balls. Howard said they weren't retrievable. Howard said they were going everywhere. Howard said it was insane.
Howard said he even gave up on the last hole. He said Justin hit par on the last hole. He said that they were like 3 blind people playing. He said it was like they had Cerebral Palsy. He said some guy said they should go play on the women's course. He said he's no woman. Gary said it's the same course but the tees are closer. Howard said he'd rather die. Howard said the caddy was impressed with them at first. Then he'd see how bad they were and he'd be like ''Yeah! Oh...'' when the ball would veer off to the side. Howard said he could study it and learn to play but why bother? He said that he's not going to impress anyone but this little Mexican man.
Howard said they were so bad. Howard said he has a six pack though. He said he's just not good at the game. Howard thanked Bobo for the call and let him go. Howard said he must be thrilled that he was on for an hour. Howard asked if they have to take a break. Fred said they should take one. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said the other great movie he saw was ''Gravity.'' Howard said he loved that. Robin said she was annoyed by that movie. Howard said he loved it. Robin said she wondered why they let that unstable woman in space. Howard said that he thought Sandra Bullock looked great in it. He said that she did just fine. Robin sad she killed everyone. Howard said he loved the movie.
Howard said one of the listeners suggested he watch the show ''Sleeper Cell'' and he loved that too. Robin said the show doesn't go anywhere though. Howard said the ending sucked and wasn't satisfying. Howard said he's just making some recommendations. He said he would recommend binge watching that show. Howard said he loves doing that. He said he binged on Sleeper Cell.
Robin asked if he watched Orphan Black. Howard said he hates the woman in the show. He said he hates it. He said he may finish it but he'll do it begrudgingly.
Howard played a Sound of Music bit they put together using clips of him singing some of the songs from the musical.
Robin said she was wondering why they pay someone who can sing to do that. Howard said you want to be challenged.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's getting excited for the birthday show. Howard said he is too. The caller said he's glad he's raising the stakes a little bit. Howard said the Hammerstein Ballroom is going to be converted into a cool scene where they'll have food and drinking. Gary said everyone invited will be drinking. Howard said that they have so many musical acts and celebrities coming. He said it's really going to be a great night. Howard asked Gary if he's releasing any of the names of the people coming. Gary said he wants to save it all for that night. The caller said he'd like to know more.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is hosting. He said David Letterman will be there. He said the musical acts are phenomenal. He said he's looking forward to the night of music. He said it's going to be spectacular. He said Gary has been working on this with many other people at Sirius. He said that he's not going to mention all of the names. He said it's almost as if they're beloved.
Howard said they have some more tickets to give away. You can find out how to win at SiriusXM.com/HowardBirthdayBash.
Gary said that they are going to have a contest for the Wack Pack and Bobo is upset that he has to go through that to possibly win. Howard said Bobo has to get over that. Howard said he's not the most interesting Wack Packer. He said he may not even be a Wack Packer. Gary said Bobo thinks that he deserves to go based on his phone calls. Howard said he has plenty of callers. Gary said Bobo is a good caller and he gives good subjects. Howard said he's not sure that deserves tickets. Robin said she thinks that Wolfie should get tickets for what he's contributed. Howard said she might be right about that.
Howard said they have a lot planned for this birthday show. Howard said they have Joel Gallen helping out directing the whole thing. Howard said they have no ability to stage this and Joel has some experience with that.
Gary said this is going to be like the Kennedy Center Honors for Howard. He said that's how they're pitching it to people.
Howard said he saw a tribute to Billy Joel and he watched that. He said it was good. He said it was good to hear Billy Joel songs. He said they had some people covering his songs and some were good.
Howard had an audio clip of Bobo talking about how he doesn't think that he should have to go through this contest to win tickets to the birthday show. Bobo was asking Ronnie about this and said he'd like him to pull some strings to get him in the show. Howard said he's not sure why he went to Ronnie. JD came in and said that he's going to take this voice mail into consideration in his judging of the Wack Pack contest. Howard said you want to see Beetlejuice and Gary the Retard or maybe Wendy the Retard. Howard said Bobo is just some dude when you see him. Howard said that Mariann from Brooklyn is kind of normal looking too. He said that Big Foot is funny to look at. Howard said if Bobo got disfigured then they'd have him there. JD said he'll get into a car accident today. Howard said Bobo is just kind of weird. He said they want to see the freaks. He said that Fred the Elephant Boy is the kind of guy you want to see there. Howard said that's the fun kind of stuff they want to see there. He said Bobo is the last one you want to see there.
Howard said that Siobhan is the kind of fan they want there. JD said Bobo should cut off his penis. Howard said JD doesn't fuck around with the judging thing. He said that he'll be judging the contest and Bobo had better watch himself. He said he may want to get breast implants and that way he won't turn him down. Howard said Bobo just calls in. He said he appreciates that he's a fan.
Gary said they have Ham Hands bill, Fred the Elephant Boy, Bobo and Pittsburgh Pete coming in for the contest. Howard said he'd rather see Fred the Elephant Boy at the party. JD said that Ham Hands Bill is funny. He said he'd like to see him there. Howard played Bill's bit where he does his imitation of Robin's dad. Howard said Bobo has to figure out how to get in there. He said he has to take a break but Bobo was back on the phone.
Bobo said he didn't hear all of this. He said his car went dead. Howard said his idea that he should be at the birthday show is insane. Howard said that there are people who listen every day and can't call in. Bobo said he supports the show and he's an extreme fan. Howard said everyone writes in asking why he gets in ahead of everyone else. Howard said there are other big fans out there who would like to go. Robin said there are other wack packers who are on the show too.
Ronnie said Bobo said that he devoted part of his house to him in that voice mail. Howard said that Bobo should take his wig off. Howard asked if he would rather see himself or Wendy at the party. Bobo said that he'd pick Wendy for the show but he still wants to go. Howard said the venue is 1500 seats. He said they have a few hundred for Sirius. Then they have guests. Then they have seats for the fans. Howard said they can't just give some to Bobo. He said the tickets are gone.
Bobo said that before he had his contest he could have said that they have 6 or 7 seats for the extreme fans. Will came in and said that Bobo was so insulted when he told him about the contest. Bobo said he had to go to the doctor for pills when he found out. Ronnie didn't believe him.
Howard said Bobo may not be going to the party. Ronnie said he should be taken out of the contest. Bobo said he's always grateful for everything they do for him. Will said that's not true. Bobo said he's not upset. Will said he was totally insulted. Howard said Judge JD will decide on the whole thing. Ronnie said he thinks that Bobo blew it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie how many times he got his ass eaten over vacation. Ronnie said he didn't do that at all. He said that's a big no. He said he didn't cum in the Egg Nog either. Ronnie said that Stephanie went out to get Egg Nog and they were sold out. He said that he has never cum in Egg Nog before though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's been listening since 1987 every day and he would like tickets too. He said that the joy of hearing the show every day is enough. He said Bobo shouldn't be asking for hand outs. Howard said he's right. He said that he loves the fans but he can't put him into everything. He said he tries but he can't do it every time. Ronnie said that Bobo got to sit in his chair and hit the buzzer on AGT. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has to see if he has a contest. Gary told him he has a few. Howard had a homeless quiz to play. Howard said they have to figure out how this works. Howard played a clip of Sal asking a homeless person what part of the armed forces uses the initials USMC. The caller, Jesse, knew that it was the Marines. The homeless person knew too. That was a practice question.
Howard said this one is for the win. Howard said if he gets this one right he wins. He played Sal asking the homeless person what 50 percent of 500 is. Jesse knew it was 250. He said the homeless guy won't know. Howard locked him in and played the answer. The homeless guy said ''50.'' Howard said Jesse just won and won't have to take Sal's ricotta cheese on his face. Jesse thanked him for the tickets. Howard said they'll see him at the Hammerstein on January 31. He said it's going to be fun.
Howard said he likes Jesse's reaction. He asked if he can pass out or something. Jesse said he is tearing up. He said he's at work right now. He said he fixes medical devices for a living. He said he fixes infusion pumps. Howard said the least he could do is cry for them.
Howard said he just tried some of George Takei's ''Eau My'' cologne. Howard said it's very strong. Robin said a little goes a long way apparently. Fred played some of George's clips where he says guacamole and things like that. Howard said he tried saying it like that down in Mexico and the guy looked at him like he was nuts.
Howard said some Robin songs came in over the break. He played a song from Psych. That was to the tune of Gangnam Style. Howard said you have to love that. It was ''Tits Are Robin Sized.'' Robin said she mentioned that when those guys were in.
Howard said someone wrote ''I'm Shooting Ropes'' and played that one. That was to the tune of Ozzy Osbourne's ''I'm Coming Home.'' Howard said he likes that one. Robin said she's not a big fan. That was by Matt Evans.
Howard said the number 5 song in the country is Royals by Lorde. Howard said that this song ''Oil'' is by Little Mikey. It was a parody of Roayls about Robin. Robin said that's funny. Howard said Mikey really loves Robin.
Howard said he has a bunch of songs. He has one about Squatty Potty. Howard played that song but thought Robin didn't use her Squatty Potty anymore. Robin said she still does. Howard said he was going to bring his along to Mexico but it's too bulky. He said he can barely shit when he goes on vacation. He said that he gets home and relaxes and he's letting go massively. Robin said that he doesn't want people to know he's going. Howard said it's just weird that his mind can control his bowels.
Robin said Howard has to get PooPourri. Robin said it traps the odor in the toilet. Howard asked why she cares. Robin said this is when you're out somewhere and don't want to stink the place up. Robin said you sprinkle it in the toilet and it traps the smell. Robin said it doesn't smell perfumy. Robin said all you smell is the essential oils that are in it. Robin said you can't courtesy flush because it goes away with the flush.
Howard said he doesn't know if he cares about using the PooPourri. He said he may try it though. Howard said if he just had the Squatty Potty out on vacation he'd be fine. Howard said it all comes out in one movement when he uses that thing.
Howard read about the PooPourri and how it works. He said he's not sure who knew that would work to cover up the stink. Howard said maybe he can use it as a cologne. Howard asked if Robin carries it in her purse. Robin said she does. She said she has some little ones in there. Howard said he has some little bottles. Howard asked Gary to put it in his bathroom there just in case he has to take a dump.
Howard played a song parody about Robin called ''Bleeding Robin'' about her menstrual cycle. That was a very quick one. Howard said this next one is by Matt Evans. He quickly played that one.
Hanzi was trying to yell but his phone kept getting lower and lower. Howard said that he can go to the birthday show if his mother and father say it's okay. Hanzi said that he has clansmen on the show and he's worried about him. Howard said he wants a medical okay for him to come to the party. Hanzi said he's not insane. Howard said he's troubled. Hanzi said he is a troubled individual. Howard said he thought he said he was a Tribble.
Howard said if his mom and dad give him a written note saying it's okay to go then he can come. Robin said that all he has to do is get a note and he can get tickets. Howard said he has to get the note notarized and he can go. Howard said he can't come if he doesn't do that. Howard said he wants medical permission to go. Hanzi said he's fine and he won't do anything to anyone. Howard said he's worried about what he's going to do to himself.
Howard said they could roll him in on one of those Hannibal Lechter carts. Howard said he could be Hanzible Lechter. Hanzi said that's pretty good. Howard said if his parents are okay letting him go then he can go. Gary asked if he really wants him coming. Howard said he doesn't know. He said if he gets the notarized letter then he'll let him go. Hanzi said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he has to. Hanzi said he never lies. Gary said anyone who says they don't lie is a liar. Hanzi said he's not lying now. Howard said he has to get a note or have a parent come down and accompany him. Howard said he has to get himself down there too. Hanzi said he should fly him down there. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Hanzi said Howard has offered him things to do in the past and backed out of it. Howard said he should fly him to Alaska or something. Howard said he really does need adult supervision. Howard said they could drive down from Canada. Howard said he's into having him but he needs permission from his parents. Hanzi said he doesn't even know what a notarized note is. Howard said neither does he. He said he'll have to figure it out.
Howard said it would be interesting to see Hanzi at the party but he thinks that a parent needs to be in charge. Howard said he'd let Wendy the Retard come alone before Hanzi.
Howard played another clip where a news show was going over the card and showing it. Howard said that guy was snickering but they're showing it on their news show. Then the guy is talking about how Howard was in drag on the cover of one of his books that he pretended he didn't know the name of. Howard said that's the Scott the Engineer move. He said he pretends he doesn't know. Howard said they think they're funny. One of the reporters said he looked like Cher. Howard said in some he looked like Angelica Houston and in others he looked like Cher or Katey Sagal.
Howard played another report from Los Angeles and they were acting normal with the card. Howard said they're used to seeing people in drag out there.
Howard played another clip from a drag queen show where they talked about how he didn't look half bad as a woman. Howard said his card was causing a big stir. Howard said he mailed out a few to some fans. He said he had about 100 left over so they mailed some out. Howard said some of the fans will get them. Howard said they'll somehow show up to those fans.
Robin said that her card came with laughter and tears. Robin said it was a beautiful note he wrote to her. Howard said he sprayed it with PooPourri too. Robin said she did notice the scent. Howard said he wrote about what their relationship means to him. Robin said she would be laughing at the card but he made her cry. Howard said he said some beautiful things to her.
Howard said he's not sure why he got started with that. He said he doesn't care. Robin said they did the New Year's countdown without Dick Clark this year and it was very weird. Howard did his impression of Dick doing the count down after his stroke. Robin said they still call it Dick Clark's New Year's Eve. Robin said Jenny McCarthy kissed her boyfriend on the countdown. Howard said she looks like she can fuck like a wild dog. Howard said he knows he could have fucked her. He said he wonders what he missed out on. He said she'd probably eat him alive. He said he'd probably cum in 1/30th of a second. He said that he has done that with so many girls. Howard said Jenny may be too crazy. He said that Jenny's boyfriend is Mark Wahlberg's brother. Howard said he found it odd that she hasn't even met Mark yet.
Howard played a clip from the New Year's Eve countdown when they still had Dick Clark there. Howard said if he has a stroke he's staying home. Fred played a Crackhead Bob clip where he's trying to say Mississippi and it comes out as ''Dippy-Dippy.''
Howard said Dick Clark loved being on TV so much he would still come on and bum people out when he had his stroke. Robin said Miley Cyrus had a huge coat on but her belly was exposed. Howard said she's pretty funny. Howard said it would have been funny if they brought Dick out to do the count down even though he's dead.
Howard said he has some Dick Clark dead corpse street interviews. Howard asked what that is. Sal said they went out and told people that they were going to hang Dick's frozen corpse in Times Square for New Year's Eve. That was from last year. Howard played the clip and people were saying that they can't do that and they wouldn't go see that.
Howard said he doesn't know why anyone goes to Times square for that ball drop at all. He said the Dick Clark thing would be interesting. Howard said this one woman in the clip is like Sarah Palin. He said he hates Sarah Palin. He said she's so stupid. He said she was on FOX News talking about how her new year's resolution is to eat more meat. Howard said she's a fucking twit. Howard said she thinks she's pissing off liberals or something.
Howard played a clip of Palin making that statement. Howard goofed on her as soon as he heard her speak. He said he can't imagine why she was elected governor up there. He said the other candidate must have been a moose. Howard said the person she beat should be ashamed of themselves. Howard said Palin just talks. He played more of the clip and asked why she quit being governor if she's so industrious.
Howard said this guy Ira Glass is super nice to him. He said he's on public radio. Howard said he's super acknowledging of him. Howard said he was on Al Jazeera radio and mentioned him. Ira was talking about why he loves the show and how beautifully crafted it is. Howard said he heard that Al Jazeera is good news. He said he thought they just talked about the Jews.
Howard said he came home after vacation and realized that Mayor Bloomberg is gone. Howard said he was worrying about the terrorists taking over after that. Robin said she read that Bloomberg was using his own money to do things when he was running the city. Howard said that's great.
Howard said he thought the snow wasn't going to get picked up but it turns out it was okay. He said it's going to be hard to follow Bloomberg. Robin said the family is moving into Gracie Mansion too. Robin said Howard was right about that. Howard said DeBlasio has nothing so of course he's going to move in. Howard said he would go to Bloomberg and ask him to be secretly in charge.
Howard said Joey Boots was all over TV on New Year's Eve. He played a clip from CNN when they were talking about the ball drop. They were out on the street and Joey came in yelling Baba Booey and Howard Stern's penis. Howard said he got on WABC too. Howard said he was louder than the guy out on the street. Howard played that clip next. Joey came out yelling ''Baba Booey! Howard Stern's Penis!'' He kept going while the guy was doing his news report until they cut away from him.
Howard said he doesn't know who goes to times Square on New Year's Eve. He said that they have to be the lowest IQ people out there. He said they have to be empty headed bubble heads out there. Howard said there can't be anyone successful there. Howard said he'd bet that no one there has ever held a job. Howard said there are people who get jobs where they don't really deserve it. Howard said they hire him and can't fire him. He said that's what's filling up Times Square.
Howard asked Fred why his wife didn't come to the Christmas party this year. Fred said his sister in law did something to her ankle and his wife had to drive her to the city. Howard asked how late he stayed. Fred said he was there until about 10. He said he had to get home to the sitter. Fred said he was there from 7:30 until 10. He said that was pretty long.
Howard asked if he played Joey on FOX 5. Gary said JD just said no. Howard played the clip where the reporter was on the street and Joey yelled out his Howard Stern's penis and Baba Booey thing and then says he loves this guy. They quickly cut away from the live report. Then the reporters said they had the real Baba Booey on with them. One of the reporters said that it's not really new anymore. Howard said that stuff never gets old. He said the news isn't new either. Howard said he doesn't get tired of it. Robin said it always fascinates her.
Howard said he has a clip of a news reporter cursing on the air. He played a clip of a woman saying that they were going to ''fuck shit up'' in a few minutes when the reporter asked her to say something to the world. Howard said that's another imbecile partying out there. Howard said he meets people like that and wonders what the hell they're talking about. He said the only thing they're going to fuck up is their lives.
Howard said these reporters have to go out and talk to these morons. Howard said they're all standing out there wasting their lives on New Year's Eve. They had to take a quick break after that.
Howard said that Jackson is twice the man his father is. He asked what Fraternity he's in. Jackson said it's Delta Tau Delta. Howard asked if they had to do anything gay to get into that fraternity. Jackson said they didn't have to do anything like that. Howard asked if they have frat parties and stuff. Jackson said they do. Howard asked how old they are. Jackson said he's 19 and his friends are older like 21. Howard thought that was a too old. Howard had to do the math to figure out that 22 was the year to graduate.
Howard said he's fucking old now himself. He said he was in the bathroom and had to wad up toilet paper to keep himself from dripping. He said they won't learn that at Delta Tau Delta. Howard said when he was their age he was jerking off into toilet paper and now he's dribbling piss into it.
Howard asked Jackson what he wants to be. Jackson said he's not sure yet. He said he's still trying to figure it out. He's a communications major according to Gary. Howard asked if they're getting sex. Jackson said he's playing the field. He said he's never had a girlfriend. Howard asked if he randomly abuses women. Jackson said he wouldn't say abuse. Howard asked if he knows about the clitoris and all of that. Jackson said he's heard stories. Howard asked if he had a sex talk with his dad. Gary said he and Jackson went out for a walk one night and he gave him some condoms to use. He said that was their big sex talk.
Howard asked Jackson what he had to do to get into the fraternity. Jackson told him what he had to do and how there are some people who don't get in.
Howard asked if they're the cool fraternity. Jackson said they like to think so. Howard asked if they clean their house. Jackson said they try to but it is pretty dirty. Howard asked how you sleep with people partying all the time. Jackson said he's not living there yet. He said he'll be in there next year though.
Gary said he went to the frat house. He said they have hefty bags on the windows so you can't see anything inside. Gary said Jackson told his mom that there was barf in the bathroom and stuff like that. Howard said the money that he's paying Gary is going to that. Gary said that's the one thing he actually doesn't pay for. Howard said he has had high hopes for Jackson and he thinks Gary did a good job raising him. He said Gary used to bathe him. He said his dad never did that for him.
Gary said that the other frat on campus was bought for them by Dick Clark because he was in the fraternity. Jackson said it's a really nice house.
Howard asked if anyone there has anything cool like Facebook in the works. Jackson said they're not that organized yet. Howard told him to keep his ear to the ground and let him know if anything comes up. He said he wants in.
Howard asked some of the other kids what they want to do. One of the guys said he wants to be a screen writer. Howard said he can make some money doing that. Howard asked if any of them have a six pack. One of the guys said not anymore.
Howard asked where Robin was. She wasn't there on the microphone. Howard said she probably had to take a dump. He did a live commercial read while she finished up doing whatever she was doing.
Howard asked if Robin was back yet. She wasn't. Howard wondered where she was. Gary said it's a technical issue. They had to re-dial her line to get her back on. Howard said he'll do one more commercial then. He read another live commercial.
Howard asked again if Robin was there. She still wasn't ready. Gary said he'd let him know when she's back. Howard said he has some things to get to. Howard read about Kim Jong Un. The guys didn't have a microphone in front of them. Howard said you'd think Gary would have put one there.
Howard asked if they know who Kim Jong Un is. Jackson knew. Howard said he read that Kim Jong Un fed his uncle to 120 hungry dogs. Howard said the worst part of that is being stripped naked in front of anyone.
Howard asked Jackson if he listens to the show at all. Jackson said he doesn't but he would like to start now. Howard said he would be curious if he was Jackson. Gary said he doesn't want them listening to him. He said he has no problem with Howard. Gary said Jackson didn't even read his book. He said Lucas read through it in a day but Jackson didn't read it at all. Jackson said he's heard the stories already.
Howard said he was thinking about this Kim Jong Un thing and how now the dogs get to eat the Koreans instead of the other way around. He said that's nice revenge. Robin was back and said that story was false.
Robin said that the governor has decided that we should loosen up on the marijuana laws. Howard said it's not as cool as in Colorado where you can walk into a store to buy pot. Robin said you don't need a license to buy there. Howard said he's not a pot smoker but he doesn't care if other people smoke. He said we should just tax the crap out of it and bring in more revenue. Howard asked the guys if they smoke weed. Howard said of course they do. Howard said no one was speaking about it though. Howard asked Jackson if he got the drug talk from Gary. Jackson said he just got the ''don't do drugs'' thing from him in middle school. Howard said Jackson seems to have a good head on his shoulders.
Howard read about how Britney Spears was charging $2,500 to get back stage to meet her and then she only spent 3 seconds talking to the fans. Howard said they shouldn't be insulted because that's about all she has to say is 3 seconds worth.
Robin brought up the Duck Dynasty family and how one of the guys got into some trouble while they were away. Robin read about what he said and how he was suspended from the show for a short time. Howard said that these conservatives were supporting him for free speech when he got suspended but they never said that when he was getting into trouble with the FCC. Howard said when someone is gay bashing all of a sudden they're all for it. Robin said this guy is about as backward as anyone can be. Howard said it's very hypocritical to support this guy and not support him when it comes to free speech.
Robin read about the CES show going on. Howard said that Gary and Jon Hein go out there together every year. Howard asked if Jon Hein is over at Jackson's house often. Jackson said he does come over. Howard asked if his mom gets jealous of Jon. Jackson didn't think so.
Robin got back to the CES show and how there are going to be more displays of driverless cars and things like that. Howard said he's all for that. Robin said it's hard to drive when you're old and decrepit. Robin said maybe these cars will cure that situation and let you drive into your 100s. Robin read that they're going to have slimmer notebooks and smaller things to get you on the internet so you can be on Twitter and Instagram.
Robin mentioned that 3D Printers are big at CES. Howard said he doesn't get what they're good for and why he'd need one. Gary said that you can make anything you want to. He said you can go online and download things to make. Gary said he's not sure what he'd make but he does want a 3D printer. Gary said one of the examples they give is that you can make like 400 iPod cases out of one spool of plastic. Howard said he's not sure why he'd want that. Howard said he wants one so he can print out a bust of Gary's head.
Robin asked if there is such a thing as bi-sexuality. Howard said he's not sure. He said he thinks if a guy says he's bi-sexual then he's gay. Howard said it's hard to say. Howard asked the boys if they find him and Robin hot at the same time. They said they do not.
Robin said there's a British Olympic diver who is with a guy but says he still likes girls. Robin said that they say Ronin Farrow is with men and women too. Howard sounded surprised by that. Robin said they say that it might be prevalent to a greater degree than we know. Robin said Howard might be a little bi-sexual. Howard said he likes it when girls are, not when guys are. Howard asked the guys if they like when girls are lesbians. They said ''Yeah, sure.''
Robin asked Howard if he watched any football over the weekend. Howard said he didn't but he will watch the Super Bowl. Robin told Howard about the playoff games that were played over the weekend. Howard said he doesn't have any time for that. He said you need a lot of free time to watch the games. Robin said she reads the paper while the games are on.
Howard said Jackson played football. Jackson said he's too small to play for Syracuse now. He said he'd have to gain about 100 pounds. Robin said that's probably best because he'd end up with a concussion or something. Jackson said that happened to Lucas. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and asked Howard if data can be evil. She explained that they use data from the Nazi experiments to figure out things today. Robin asked if that's okay to use. Howard said it is. He said they might as well use it if they have it.
Robin said that Phil Everly has died. Robin said he was 74 years old. Robin said he was considered one of the pioneers of Rock and Roll. Robin said they were inducted into the hall of fame the first year it opened. Robin had some of their music to play. Howard said they sound like the Chipmunks.
Robin read about how the queen has asked Prince Harry to shave his beard. Robin said that's what it is to be the royal family. She's ordered him to shave.
Robin read about the cold in the country and how even the deep south is cold. Robin had a weather report about the cold temperatures in the deep south. Howard said that guy is a bore. Robin said this weather is scaring some people. Robin said that it's a very wide spread cold snap.
Robin read about Mitt Romney accepting MSNBC's apology. Robin had a clip of Romney saying that he's happy with the apology and they can all move on now. Robin said they had poked fun at his African American grandson who was in a photo they showed.
Robin read a story about Ronin Farrow and how he was talking about what it was like growing up and how it was like the United Nations. He said Ronin was saying that the black kids had to deal with the N-word when they were growing up.
Robin read a story about congress coming back into session and had some audio of someone talking about how Obamacare is a law now and how the republicans have to get over it and move on.
Robin read about Neil Young playing at Carnegie Hall tonight. Robin said that he's going to be there Tuesday, Thursday and Friday as well. Robin had some of Neil's music for Howard to play. Howard said he'd go see him if he'd play his hits. He said he's afraid he's going to do his new material.
Robin read about how Billy Hill and the Hillbillies are going to be retired from Disney. Robin said they will perform their final performance tonight. Robin said they played for 21 years. Howard started to play a news report about it but cut it off asking Robin why they should care. He said it's the worst music on the planet.
Robin said Bruce Springsteen has a new album coming out. Howard said he should come in there and promote it. He wondered what he's afraid of. Robin had a couple of quick clips of his new songs. Howard liked one of them called ''Dream Baby Dream.''
Gary said he asked if Bruce would come in. He said they said no. He said that he appreciates it but not this time around. Howard wondered how much time he has left. Howard said he's met him at a bunch of parties and he was cool. Howard said he thinks Bruce thinks that he's too good to do the show. Gary said he thinks that he's afraid that Howard is going to ask him something that he won't want to answer. Howard asked what he could possibly ask that would upset him. Howard said Bruce should get his fucking ass in there. Howard said Bruce sees him and starts laughing every time. Gary said he just doesn't do well in interviews. Robin said he'll do just fine in there if he comes in.
Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:20am.
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Jackson came in a short time later. Jon asked Jackson if he was worried about what his dad might think about what he said on the air. Jackson said he was worried. Jon said he thought he did a great job with his boys in there. Jon said Jackson has known Howard all his life and it must be different to be one of the frat guys. Jackson said he doesn't hang out with Howard much but he hears him on in the house a lot. He said that the most he's ever spoken to him was today before they went on the air.
Gary said he wasn't worried today. He said there's not too much that he can ask him about. Gary said he was nervous about what might happen. He said Howard was the one who suggested they sit in the studio. He said that he didn't expect that. They were supposed to be there for just the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said that Jon hardly comes to the house. He said that he's not there every week or anything. Jon said he doesn't stay over or anything like that.
Jon asked Gary how his break was. Gary said he didn't go anywhere but it was good. He said they went on break pretty late. He said that he got to relax. Jon said he went to Aruba. He went parasailing. Jon said he told Howard about getting the GoPro camera to use when he goes Parasailing and Howard said he read about someone who died doing that. He said this is his fourth year doing it. He said it's great. Jon said he had a really good time down there. He said he came back to this weather. He said these months are just brutal weather wise.
Gary said it was like 30 degrees and then 2 degrees. Then this morning he woke up and it was 51 degrees and he thought his thermometer was broken. He said tomorrow it's supposed to be a high of 6 degrees. He said it's crazy.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Howard's vacation in Mexico. Jon said Howard had a good time and it sounds like it was a really good time down there. Gary said that he's glad he got to a place where he can enjoy himself. Gary said that the greatest thing in the world is that he got the six pack photo.
Jon asked Benjy about that shot. Benjy said Howard has the lines that lead down to your crotch. He said Howard has taken his shirt off and he's seen that. He said he looked great in the photos. Benjy asked if Jackson has seen that. Jackson said he didn't see it.
Jon said that they had a great Christmas party too. Gary said that the party is great because they have so much food and plenty of alcohol. Jon asked about the breathalyzer thing that Richard was doing. Gary said that if you get too many DUIs you have to get a pipe to blow into to start your car. He said that's completely humiliating.
Jon said Howard said he spent time with Scott Salem at the party. Gary said Scott is a quiet guy and he's not the life of the party. He said he doesn't think he can ever win. He said he's a nice guy though. Gary said he heard from Nick that Scott was really looking into doing that bit they were talking about this morning. He said he heard he floated it to Shuli and Shuli told him to go with it. Jon said Scott said he was just joking about it. Gary said that Nick isn't going to lie so that's who he believes. He said that he thinks Scott was looking into it and he didn't think it would fly so he gave up on it. They went to break after that.
Jon brought up Bobo and said that he seems like he feels he's entitled to tickets. Gary said he seems to feel he's in a club and he deserves them. Gary said it's hard to say if he's in that club. He said he's in ''a club'' but not ''the club.'' Jon Leiberman asked how he can argue that. He is in the club. Gary said he's not one of the more interesting characters though. Jon said that JD has said that he's not off to a good start.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Bobo's insanity comes out when he's talking. The caller said he's been listening to the show since 1994 and he wrote a book and thanked Howard in the book against his publisher's wishes. He said that he wonders if they could have a game where they could win Bobo's life until he's found his humility. Gary said that's a good idea but it could end up making Bobo commit suicide.
The caller said that Gary signed his wife's bra. Gary thanked him for bringing that up in front of his son. He said he knows that this whole thing would drive Bobo over the edge. He said that he feels terrible for Bobo sitting in his car listening to the show and all.
Gary said that Beetlejuice is loved by people even though he'll walk into a room and tell you to go fuck yourself.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Bobo should have to win tickets like the rest of the fans do. Gary said part of him says that if he's going to be a good sport about the things they do to him then maybe he does deserve to come in. He said that they only have a few tickets to give to people like him though. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked if he was able to enjoy the party. Ronnie said he was kind of down that day so he was kind of quiet. Benjy asked if the personal thing can get better. Ronnie said no.
Jon and Gary talked about Sal's singing at the party and how that was the perfect place for that. Jon said he has a good voice.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman about the party and how he handled the drinking. Leiberman said he was being respectful to his date and he doesn't want to be defined like that anymore. He said he will never do that again.
Ronnie said it will happen again but it has to be the right environment. Gary said if they took him out to dinner they could probably get him there again.
Jon brought up Benjy and how he always ends up being the focus of the party. Benjy said it wasn't intentional. He said that his name comes up a lot when it comes to the party. Gary said they were talking about how they thought it could be theater. Benjy said he can see why they'd think that but it wasn't. Jon said people were very concerned. Jon asked if Benjy was able to enjoy the party. Benjy said Elisa was mortified by the whole thing. She wanted to the chance to thank Howard for the party and all of that. He said that she felt really sick. He said it was actually kind of fun sitting in the bathroom with her. He said she was laying down on the floor and she was in pain. Benjy said three days later he was getting weird headaches and he fainted and fell on the floor. He said he's not sure if there's some kind of flu going around or something. Gary said maybe it's the Irish flu. Benjy didn't know what that meant. Gary had to explain it to him.
Ronnie said he doesn't get why she had to lay on the floor the whole night. He said he never saw either one of them until he was leaving. He said that Stephanie was in there and saw her a few times. Benjy said a few people came in and checked on her. Benjy said he was hearing a lot of stuff while he was in there too. He said it sounds just like a men's bathroom. He said he thinks the women forgot that he was even in there.
Jon said he didn't think Fred left early. Gary said he didn't know when he left. Leiberman said Richard and High Pitch Mike didn't leave until 2am. Ronnie said it was that way last year too.
Jon asked Ronnie if he saw Howard going over to Scott and spending time with him. Ronnie said maybe Howard fell asleep. Ronnie said the first thing Scott said to him was that he was going to catch it on the air. Benjy said he thinks that it would be difficult for Scott to know that it could come up on the air.
Jon said he's glad everyone had a good time. He said he's glad Elisa is okay too. Benjy said that there were people who were very drunk at the party. Gary said they were very, very drunk.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Robin spoiled another movie today. She said that Robin gave away a part of the movie. Gary said that's awesome. He didn't hear it and Jon didn't want to repeat what she said. Jon said he doesn't think she does it with intent.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what they have coming up on Howard 100 News today. Leiberman ran down a quick list of the stories they have coming up. One of the stories was about how Gary bought Medicated Pete a year subscription to a web site for handicapped people so he could date. He actually met someone in a wheelchair but they broke up because of the long distance issue.
Jon said Gary wanted to say something about Bob Grant. Gary said he had the same experience with Bob that Howard did. He said his dad would listen and he loved listening the way Howard did. He said he even shared the same birthday with Bob. March 14th. Gary said he and Howard used to talk about Bob Grant and Howard would say he wasn't good. He said back in the day Howard had to be at war with someone but now he can say that he likes someone. He said they had to hate every morning show they were up against and all of that. He said they hated everyone and being at war drove the show. He said he was a soldier in the army.
Jon asked if Jackson had anything to plug. He said he has a show on WDRW at Syracuse called The Thunderdome. He's hoping it's on in the coming semester. Everyone else got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:05am.
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Howard started the show talking about Gary telling him a story about a guy on the news who announced he was leaving Connecticut because he wanted to register his gun. Howard said you have to register to fish and things like that. He said registering a gun isn't that big of a deal. Howard said you have to register for so many things. He said a gun should be registered. Robin said she was reading an article about some gun nuts talking about the second amendment and how they can't take that away. She said everything in there is regulated so guns should be too.
Howard said he was watching a news channel and they were talking about the republican party having so many factions. He said there's the tea party and now a new one which is people who are against the teaching of evolution. Howard said that they don't believe in evolution. Howard said that they're tea party 2 or something like that. He said they're so way out there that they don't believe in science. Howard said he wouldn't want someone in office like that. He said there's enough evidence that the world is round and that we evolved from apes. Robin said it doesn't hurt to talk about things.
Howard said that it's like a country full of morons. He said maybe we should have split up the north and south. He said if it comes down to that he's all for it. Howard said he'd go to the rich country where they believe in science. Robin said it would be like the Dominican Republic and Haiti. Howard said that's right. He said that the people who believe in science would be successful and the others wouldn't. He said the people who believe in science would be living to 100 and the others would wonder why.
Howard said he has a few things to play. He said they had Elephant Boy and High Pitch Eric on the Live at 5 with Jon Leiberman last night. Howard played a clip of Fred the Elephant Boy talking about going into Iraq to help out. Elephant Boy was saying something about how we'd always be the loser. Jon cut him off and asked if he's saying stay out of there. Fred said yes. Robin said she heard what he was saying and it was basically no matter who is running the show there it seems we always come out the loser. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said High Pitch was particularly disgusting. He said he was so phlegmy that it was hard to listen. He played a clip of that too. Howard said he'd like to know when Eric is going to do something with his life. He said that he was talking about how other people should do things for him.
Howard said that they have this CES thing out west and Michael Bay was out there. He said they introduced him and they had everything on a teleprompter. He said the prompter wasn't working so he just walked off stage. Howard said he didn't know he needed something like that to answer questions.
Howard played the clip and Bay was asked some questions but his prompter wasn't working so he said his type was off. He said he'd try to wing it but it wasn't working out so he got all frustrated and apologized and walked off.
Howard said he's not sure what was going on there. He said he got frustrated and walked off. Howard said he's not sure what CES is all about. Robin said it's the Consumer Electronics Show. Howard said you see a pen that lights up at night. Howard said it's no big thing. Robin said the big thing is the laptop that converts to a tablet.
Howard said Evander Holyfield is on Big Brother out in England. Howard said he got to be on the Celebrity version and he was talking about his theories on gay people. Howard said it shows how fucked up his head is. Howard said they actually shut him down while he was talking about it. Howard said Evander didn't think anyone was listening. He must not have realized he was on TV. Howard said maybe he's got brain damage. Robin said maybe he does.
Howard played the clip and Evander was talking to one of the girls on the show about gay people and how it's wrong to be gay. He said that you can get it fixed by going to a doctor. Evander was saying that handicapped people are born that way and you can go to a doctor to get fixed. The girl was saying you can't compare the two things.
Howard said in another clip they tell Evander that he can't talk about that stuff on the show. He didn't know that he could be heard. Howard played that clip too. They were telling him that his views are offensive to people and he can't talk about that stuff on the show. Evander said he was just telling her his opinion. He said he wasn't going to mention it to anyone else. It was like he didn't know he could be heard.
Howard said that really is big brother. He said they really are watching him. Howard said Evander should have punched him in the head.
Howard said it sounds like they're getting ready to fuck in bed. Howard said they were whispering like they were getting ready to do something. Howard said you used to be able to scream that you didn't like gays. Now you have to whisper. Howard said he could never stand being scolded by some British douche like that. Howard said the show finally got interesting and they shut him down.
Howard said Brent Musburger was introducing himself and he introduced his partner as himself. He introduced the other guy as himself and then introduced Brent. Howard said it must have been on the teleprompter. Howard said they must have frozen his brain. He said that guy has logged a lot of hours on the air and he still screwed that up.
Howard said they were introducing Jameis Winston on a show and they screwed that up. Howard said you'd think he grew up in this country but you hear this and you don't understand what he's talking about. Howard played the clip and the guy was mangling the English language. Howard said that's crazy. He said we should laugh at people who don't bother to learn the language. Howard said he doesn't have the greatest grammar himself but he's in the ballpark at least.
Howard said no one asks what the fuck happened to you when they screw up like that. Howard said even his name is screwy. He said it must be a misspell. Gary said there's a guy who plays for Alabama and his mom wrote ''Is this English'' when she heard that. Howard said that he's not handicapped and he had to have gone to school. Howard wondered how he passed classes. He said he'd love to see a paper he wrote in high school. Howard said his teachers let him out of school talking like that. Gary said he has theories on that. He said you get a lot of help when you're an elite athlete. Robin said she was reading that a lot of these guys are broke once they get out of the NFL.
Howard played more of the clip of Jameis who was talking about god helping them out but not helping Auburn State. Howard said he'll go with that. He asked what that is. He said it's crazy stuff.
Howard said life can be tough either way. Robin said she's seen some very wealthy people have some sad endings. Howard said poor people have even more sad endings though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he couldn't get his girlfriend to listen to the show to save his life. He said now that he's on AGT she's a huge fan. He said she started having a dream about him after his Letterman appearance. He said she's having dreams about him now. Howard thanked him for that nonsense. Robin said she zoned out. Howard said she instantly fell in love with him because he's such a beauty. Howard said he was probably trying to work his way into getting some Birthday Show tickets.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night and he was up late. He said he DVR'd a Rolling Stones concert film from when they did a concert in England. Howard said it wasn't Martin Scorsese's thing. He said it was a Hyde Park concert. He said it was so fucking good. Howard said he was going to delete it but it was so good. He said it turned out to be just a concert and it doesn't matter what they play. It was just great. Howard said he doesn't even like ''Miss You'' but it was really good. Howard said it was so fucking good. He said that Mick Jagger is still dancing around and changing outfits. He said even Mick's hair color looks natural. He said maybe he doesn't color it. Howard said people don't believe that he doesn't color his hair. He said he has a few grey hairs in there but it's still black.
Howard said Charlie Watts seems to be a miserable guy. Howard said he's not exciting to watch but he must be a good drummer. Fred said he gets the job done. Howard said it's amazing that they can even play together at this point. He said that they're all willing to get together and do it. Howard said Ron Wood was a great addition to the band. Howard said they're all really skinny too. Howard said Mick has the skinniest legs. He said Keith Richards is even skinnier. He said that Ron Woods is smoking even during the show. Robin said Keith does too. Howard said Ron had it in his mouth the whole time and at one point he was smoking and stopped playing guitar during the show. He said that their lungs have to be petrified.
Howard said Mick is doing all of the hard work. He said he has all of the stress but he's jumping around and dancing. He said he has to be 70. Fred said he's either 70 or 71. Howard said he's 70. He said he's not sure how much longer they can do it. He said they're just so good.
The caller asked if he could win tickets. Howard said he knew he was going there. He said he knew he didn't care about that movie. The caller said he actually did.
Howard said there are a bunch of new ways to get tickets. He said he was yelling at Gary about it. Howard said they shouldn't make it complicated. Howard said there are ways to get them on Instagram and other places. Howard said it's confusing but Gary said people like it that way. Howard said they should just go to HowardStern.com to get tickets. Howard said he doesn't care about the social media thing. Gary said he's getting mixed messages then. Howard said he has social media and it's called radio. He said he hates social media. Howard said they're giving away 4 pair of tickets with some Instagram thing they're doing. He said you can find out more at HowardStern.com
Howard said there's another way you can win tickets too. Howard said Gary says people like this. He said they like the chase. Howard said it's like a treasure hunt. Howard joked that they hid some tickets under a rock in Central Park. Howard said this other way to win is to go to Mars and find them buried under a rock. Howard said you can win through the SiriusXM.com web site too.
Howard said that Gary was telling him about some of the people coming to the show and he's very excited about it.
Howard got back to the caller, Gray, and said they're playing a Bobo General Knowledge Game. Howard said they asked Bobo some questions and he does know some things. Howard said he knows about driving. Howard played an example for Gray. They asked Bobo who the ex peanut farmer was who became President. Howard said that's an easy one. Gray didn't know. Howard asked how old he is. Gray is only 19. Howard said it was Jimmy Carter. Howard said the country made a huge mistake and voted for him. Gary cut Howard off and said you have to be 21 to come to the birthday party. Gray said they can put a tag on him saying he's not 21. Gary said they can't do that. He said they can't monitor him.
Howard said maybe he can put him in some sort of bubble. Gary said that it's better off now than if he had won. Gary said he would have been disappointed later. Howard asked what he can give him to make up for that. Gary said he can have him on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he can get a tour of the studio. Howard said maybe he can sleep over at Gary's house. Gray said he wants a teleporter to become 21. Howard said they can do that actually. Gray was willing to give up a year of his life to get that. Howard told Fred to do that for him. Fred put him in the teleporter and played some sound effects to make it sound like he's being teleported. Howard said now he's 21. Gray said he feels great and he feels like he can drink now. Gary said he can come up and meet JD and he can get one of JD's spoons. Gray asked if he could sit in during one of Robin's news segments. Howard said he'll do that. He said
Gray said he listens to every show and he goes to every event he can go to. He said he loves the show. Howard told him not to come in there with a cold. Gray said he'll stay away from everyone and not be sick. Howard said if he's lucky he'll have Scott Salem buy him lunch. Howard said he'll see him there sometime.
Howard asked Gray if he has a girlfriend. Gray said not yet. Howard told him he was going to say bring her down. Gray said he does have a friend. He said he's trying to get into her pants. Howard said he can bring her if he wants to. Howard said that was some burn.
Howard said he wants to see if Bobo knew the Jimmy Carter answer. Howard said he has to know that one. Bobo thought it was ''Gary Carter.'' Howard said that's a baseball player. Howard played another question where they asked how many nickels you need to make 85 cents. Howard said that would take him a long time to figure out. Robin said it would be 8. Fred said that's 40 cents. Howard said it has to be over 16. Fred said it's 17. Howard said that's right. Robin said she wouldn't have gotten that one right. Bobo thought it was 14.
Howard played a question where they asked what country Hamburg is in. Howard asked if Bobo would know the answer. Robin said she's not sure if he knows. Howard said he has to know that one. Bobo knew it was Germany.
Howard played the next question asking how often leap year comes around. Bobo thought it was 2 years. Howard said Bobo doesn't know a lot of things.
The next question was about what the imaginary line drawn around the equally distant from the poles on earth is called. Bobo knew it was the Equator. Howard said Bobo sounds exhausted from that game.
Howard said Gary wants him to play the game with someone. Howard picked up on James who wanted to play. Howard said that Gary wanted him to give away the tickets with the game so he did that for him.
Howard played the first question for James which was ''Who wrote Romeo and Juliet?'' James said he knew the answer to that. Howard said he'll take William or Shakespeare as an answer. Howard said he has to know that one. He said that could be a tough one. James said he will know. Bobo's answer was ''I'm thinking a blank.'' He said something like ''Ben Black.'' Howard said James just lost. James said Bobo is a stupid bastard. James said that he's begging for tickets. Howard said he'd give him one more chance.
Howard played the next question which was ''What two elements are combined to create water?'' James said he knows what it is but Bobo may not know. Howard said he'd be fine with H2O. Howard said that people know that it's hydrogen and oxygen. Howard said you'd think that Bobo would know. He said that he could end up getting it. James said that he's going to say he will know at least H2O. He said that he could give the right answer. Howard said he'll lock him in on a yes. He said if he's wrong he has to hang up. James said he'll do that. Howard said he will feel bad if he loses. Howard said he has to promise to never hurt Bobo too. James said he won't. Howard played the answer and Bobo said ''The two elements? Ice.'' He got it wrong. James said that shouldn't count. Gary asked why he was still on the phone. He should have hung up. Howard said he did. Howard said that poor guy. He said Bobo is really stupid. Howard said he didn't know H2O.
Howard said Bobo is married and has a house. He wondered how he has that being so stupid. Howard said his answer was ice. He said it doesn't even have two syllables in it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's on the air. Howard said he is. The caller said that Bobo is such an idiot. He said he has been to everything and he's being left out of this one and crying about it. He said it's ridiculous. Howard said he really fucked up that last caller. The caller said he wants to play for the tickets. Howard said he has one question left. He said he has to hang up if he loses. The caller, Al, said he would do that. Howard said he's still laughing that he didn't know H2O.
Howard played the question which was ''What does the DC stand for in Washington DC?'' Robin said they've asked that before. Al said that he has to know that because he drives a lot. Fred said that you'd think that H2O would be a slam dunk. Fred said he's got to know something. He said he can't be that brain dead. Al said that he's going to say he knows it. Robin said she can't imagine him not knowing it. Howard played the answer and Bobo said ''District of Columbia'' and got it right. Howard said Al is going to the show. Al asked if he can take Bobo's wife with him. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said Al is going to the show on January 31. Howard said he'll have to say hello to Al that night. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard said that would seem really weird if it was a true story. Howard said you'd think that Spitzer would calm down and do that stuff in his room. Howard said he had to blow his nose after that. He said the weather is so shitty there in New York. He said he's having trouble breathing through a nostril. He said it's just awful. He said he's not sure why he lives in New York. He said he must be a masochist.
Howard said there's a chick in the paper who was fucking one of her male students. Howard said the student is 18 years old so they can't get her on statutory rape. Howard said they came up with something else to charge her with. Howard said she's not bad looking at all. Howard said they have institutional sexual assault. Howard said she's 31 years old. Howard said that the lawyer is saying they won't be able to get her on this. He said maybe it's like when you fuck a mental patient in a mental hospital.
Howard said they were talking about that Jameis kid earlier. Howard said he was thinking about that and how you'd think he'd pick up on a little English. Howard said there's a white woman who tweeted ''We champions'' which was repeating what he said. Howard said she criticized his language. Howard said that she got in trouble for that. Howard said that people were accusing her of being racist. Howard said it's not racist to comment on someone's bad grammar. Howard said he knows plenty of white people who have bad grammar. Howard said he thinks it's weird that no one points out that they have such bad grammar.
Howard said Lebron James and Reggie Bush were talking about what a great role model he is. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said he has a clip from a guy from Michigan State who has bad grammar too. Howard played that clip and the guy was unintelligible. Howard said it wouldn't be inappropriate to comment on that. Howard said it's remarkable that he went to high school and got into college. Robin said a lot of that was accent. She said his grammar wasn't that bad. Robin said it was the accent that was covering it up. Howard said it's almost not English and it's not racist to point that out. Howard said the English language has to rub off on you at some point.
Howard said NBC isn't renewing Ann Curry's contract. Howard said that he's shocked she's still on the air at this point. Howard said NBC News is denying the story.
Howard said that's just one of the guys coming to the show. Howard said he feels honored. He said he's very excited about that. Howard said that poor 19 year old, Gray, is going to miss out on that.
Howard said that Leiberman Live is on at 4:45 tonight. Howard said they have a new show called Sternthology at 5pm. Howard said they feature clips relating to the show from that day.
Howard read some email about Bobo demanding that he be allowed to go to the birthday show. Howard said that some people are upset that they can't go. Howard said that they don't think Bobo deserves them. Howard said he thinks he means to say that he doesn't deserve special treatment.
Howard read some email about Ronnie and Shuli and how they should be on the show more. Howard said someone wrote about how he talks shit about Alaska and how great it is when he does that. Howard said that guy even likes Benjy.
Howard said he went home and took a dump on his Squatty Potty. He didn't have the Poopourri to spray in the toilet though. He said he left it at work. Howard said he always thought Robin's place smelled good and that must be why. Howard said that is the most catchy name ever.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin smoked pot for her cancer. Robin said no. The caller said ''Lies!'' Howard said he believes her. Howard said that Robin had radiation treatments and it was the strangest thing. He said he heard such horrible stories about Chemo and how it makes you sick. Howard said Robin said she felt energized from it. Howard said she'd go for her Chemo and everyone else was sick but Robin had the opposite reaction. He said the doctors didn't understand it. Howard said her body thrived on Chemo. Robin said she wouldn't say that. Howard said it was crazy. Robin said she didn't have the symptoms that people smoke pot for. Robin said she wasn't in pain and wasn't nauseous. Howard said he tells that story to people and they're baffled. Howard said that cancer is a plague and it's everywhere. He said we can't get rid of that fucking thing.
Howard said Robin loved Chemo. He said she didn't like being tied up at the hospital but it wasn't so bad. Robin said she wasn't sickly before hand. She said she was relatively healthy other than the cancer. Howard said he would be bitching about it constantly. Robin said Howard would have died from the pain. Howard said he complains about a cold. Robin said it was far worse than that. Howard said he's a pussy.
The caller asked Howard what he thinks about Colorado. Howard said he thinks they're doing the right thing. He said they're moving in the right direction. Howard said he sees in California it's basically legal. Robin said that they have the doctor in the center. Howard said it's not the end of the world. Howard said they could use the revenue there in New York if they would just legalize it. Robin said maybe it'll be like gambling. She said it could bring in some revenue.
Howard said he thinks they should legalize it and tax the shit out of it. Howard said he doesn't use any drugs himself but he thinks that's what they should do. Howard said he was just learning about how to use Amazon.com One Click. Howard said he didn't know anything about it but now he's ordering all kinds of things. He said he ordered some light up pens so he can write in the dark. He said he's excited and waiting for those to show up. He said he's excited by life. Robin said she has people asking her if she can get the pot for them. Robin said she did not supply them.
Robin said she thinks she could have gotten it in New Jersey but she didn't. Howard said he wishes he could smoke pot but he can't do it. Howard said they have pot in a candy form in California. Howard said the high is like a 5 hour high and it's great according to a friend he has out there. Howard said if he plays anymore golf he'd have to be high too. Howard said he's not sure how anyone gets through that game. Robin asked how long a full game would take. Howard said it would be days.
The caller asked if Robin tried Acupuncture. Robin said she didn't try that. She said she had a reflexologist and a Reiki Master helping her out. Howard said he was doing that Reiki thing. He said he has to stop it though. Robin said she took courses so she could do it on her own. Howard said Robin would call telling him about being a Reiki master and he'd make fun of her. He said she had cancer though. He said that he figured if he complained about being sicker than her that it would work. Robin said she wondered who the sick one was. Howard said he went in and complained like she was complaining. Howard said it was so much work. He said he had to take a break after that.
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Scott came in and said no one changed anything. He said it was just the way it is. Howard said something is different. Scott said that he has the wrong side up. Howard told him to get out after showing that the side he was using was working better. Howard said this is not right and it sounds better on one side. Howard said something changed. Howard said he'd rather talk into the wrong end of the microphone. Howard said he's struggling. Scott said he gets it. Howard said he thinks he's lying when he says he gets it. Howard said he's talking into the wrong end of the microphone. Scott said they'd look into it after the show. Howard said he has to talk into the wrong end of the microphone.
Howard asked if Scott got over complaining about him not paying attention to him at the Christmas party. Scott said he was staying away from him at the Christmas party. Scott thanked Howard for doing the party. Howard said he doesn't have to do that. He said he's happy to do it.
Howard said Scott looks better with the weight gain. Scott said he feels like shit though. Howard thanked him for that and said he hopes he wins some tickets for the birthday show. Scott said he does too. He said he really wants to go.
Howard said he has some of Scott's comedy material to play. Howard played some of his ''You know you're old when...'' jokes. He had some really lame jokes about being old. Howard asked what it is about him that he doesn't like. Robin said it's timing and delivery. Howard said the material wasn't that bad but something was off. Howard said it was a disaster. He said he's not happy with his microphone. He said he's just playing with it.
Howard said he was sad that he didn't get to talk to Bob Grant but he actually called into his last radio show and did tell him that. Howard said they just played it for him. He said he didn't remember doing that. He said that shows just how fucked up he is. Howard said this was January 13, 2006. Howard said he's not sure what other great things he's done.
Howard played the clip where he was talking to Grant about how he was a master of the medium of radio. Howard told Bob that he thought he had planted phone callers because of his areas of expertise. He said he was quite masterful at what he did. Howard told Bob's career should have been as big or bigger than Rush Limbaugh's. Bob told Howard he appreciates him being on his program. Howard told Bob that he appreciates what he did and he wishes him the best of luck. Grant thanked him and let him go.
Howard said he did get to tell Bob some of that stuff. Robin said he was very down on himself. Howard thanked JD for pulling all of that stuff. Robin said they have to thank whoever it was that remembered he called. Robin didn't remember it.
Howard said the guys told him that there was a great episode of Louis C.K.'s show where they did something similar. Howard said Louis went to talk to Marc Maron and he apologized to him for the way he treated him and it turns out he had done it a year before. Howard said there's always something wrong with him and he did the same thing.
Howard said he hates this weather. Robin said that it's the worst it's been in a couple of years.
Howard said he didn't want any video or cameras there at the party. Howard said Wolfie is taller and younger than he expected him to be. He said that he was wondering who it was. He said he figured it was Wolfie. Robin said there were a few people that she was surprised to see there.
Howard said there were some strange stories coming out of that party. He said Benjy was in the bathroom with his girlfriend who was sick. He said he was talking baby talk to her and things like that.
Gary said Benjy said he was in the bathroom and women didn't know he was in there. He said that he was saying that it's like being in a men's room. Howard asked what he heard. Benjy said he did hear conversations but he meant more bodily sounds. Benjy said he heard farting. He said he thought they did it prettier. He said some did it nice.
Howard said Cameron Diaz talks about men and women farting in her book. Howard said she says that men and women fart at least 27 times a day. Howard said that he holds them in when Beth is in bed. He said he has to lock in the smell when he farts so she doesn't smell them. Howard said Beth says he farts in his sleep but he doesn't believe it.
Howard said he didn't hear the story about Richard pissing on Wolfie's hand. Richard said he was really annoyed with him. Howard said he'd like to hear the audio of him pissing on him. Richard said he stayed away from the microphone so he didn't get any pee on that.
Howard said he has to find some Wolfie stuff to play. He said that there are a lot of weird conventions. He said they found a Sneaker-con and a Faerie-Con that they went to. Howard said he's not sure how people have the time or money to go to these things.
Howard played a Wolfie interview where he was asking someone at the Faerie-Con about why he dresses up the way he does. The guy said he does that because he's comfortable in the costume. Robin said that's what Benjy was saying about the costume he wanted to wear to the Christmas party. Howard played more of Wolfie's interview where he was asking this guy about being dressed up like Satan. The guy claimed that his chances of getting laid are really good. He said he might have sex with a guy too if he's pretty enough.
Howard said these things get him so angry. He said he gets angry at people who don't work. Howard played more of Wolfie's interview with a guy who dressed up like a tree.
Howard said he was reading an obituary about a guy who died and he had hooked up a lie detector to a plant and found that it was reacting to him. Howard said it turns out the guy did a lot of acid too. Howard said he's trying to remember what it was he did but the point was that no one believed his research because it never worked after that one time. Robin said someone was on 60 Minutes talking about how plants can feel. Robin said he claims that they don't mind you eating them. She said she's not sure how he knows that though.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who dresses up like a garden gnome. He said he likes women with big wings. Howard said this stuff is upsetting. Howard said he's out in the middle of the week dressed up like a gnome. Howard said there's a whole convention of these people. One guy was talking about his experiences with plants. Howard said these people are downright creepy.
Howard played an interview Wolfie did with a guy who called himself Moss Man. Howard said this is creepy. Robin agreed. Wolfie asked the guy some questions and the guy said he can talk to the plants. Howard said that's a weirdo.
Howard said Tiny Tim could have lived longer. He said he had a heart condition and refused to get treated for it. Howard said he was fine with dying. Howard said he didn't care about going through the pain of an operation. Howard said his life couldn't have been happy. Howard said if you read the books about him you see he was tortured. Howard said he thinks Tiny was gay but he married women. He said they would have sex infrequently and it was all very shameful. Howard said there was a book about Tiny and there was something about sex with men. He said he thinks that he thought it was a sin.
Gary said he read the book but there aren't many copies available anymore. He said that he got a back massage from a guy and he ''lost his seed'' in the massage. He said that he thinks the guy may have been gay too. Howard said he came in his pants once at Scores without being touched. Gary asked if it was just one time. Howard said he was talking about it happening without anyone touching him. He said he was pressing into Beth's back because she was there. He said that's real love.
Gary said Tiny Tim was great. Howard said he really was the best. He said that he could talk to him for 2 hours. Gary said he was very sincere and genuine in his insanity. Howard said he loved certain products and he would write letters to manufacturers about their stuff. He said he'd write if he was upset about them changing their product.
Howard said Tiny would talk about scrubbing down his hotel rooms and things like that too. Gary said Tiny had a lot of wives and ex-wives who would show up at the birthday shows. He said that they were never sure who he was with. Howard said there were a lot of women fighting over him. Robin said it was very strange associations too.
Howard said he heard stories about him walking around the Village in filthy clothes. Howard said he would talk about his creams and stuff and how he loved Jergins and things like that. Howard said he would throw up hearing about those thins. Gary said he wore rouge too. Tommy said that's what Sal does. Howard said that there was a lot to delve into with Tiny Tim. He said he had long hair but it was kind of greasy. Howard wondered where he's buried. Fred said he thinks he's in Minneapolis. Gary said he died up in Massachusetts. Fred thought he had died in Minneapolis. Howard said Tiny was miserable and he just wanted out. that's why he didn't get treatment for his heart.
Sal came in and said that you can go on the web and find anyone's tomb stone. He said he looked up Tiny Tim and found he was in Minneapolis.
Sal said that he came into the stock broker thing after the whole shutdown. He said he worked for a guy who was part of a movie story. Howard said he can see Sal being a con-man type. Sal said that they did have scripts that they would use. He said that you had to keep your client on the line. He said that you didn't deviate from the script. Sal said that trading stocks can be like gambling. He said long term isn't gambling but short term stuff is.
Howard said he heard that Sal is taking all kinds of vitamins. Sal said he's doing that for the new year. Howard asked what he thinks is going to happen with that. Sal said that he hears about 45 and 50 year old guys dropping dead from heart attacks. He said his son's coach was only 53 years old and dropped dead from a heart attack. Howard asked if he thinks that the vitamins are going to help. Sal said he does. He told Howard what he's taking and said that he's going by what Dr. Oz suggested. He said he's taking his own stuff and going by what Dr. Oz says.
Howard said that this stuff builds up in your system and Sal doesn't know what he's doing. Howard said he's putting something in his body that he doesn't know about. Howard said he should stop smoking that e-cigarette before taking this shit. Sal said he's right. He said he's trying to quit but it's so hard. Howard told him to be a man and just stop. Robin said he should quit cold turkey. Sal said it's a slow process. Sal said his wife is screaming at him all day long.
Gary told Howard that the e-cigarettes are banned in New York in 4 months and Richard is happy about that because he's sick of it. He said that it's also plugged into his computer. Howard asked why that is. Sal said that's how he charges it. Richard said that it's not clear what's in that stuff and he's not sure it's just water vapor. Howard said he doesn't want him smoking in front of Richard anymore. Gary said there is a chemical smell to it. Richard said it smells like a fog machine. Sal said it's the same chemical they pour in fog machines so it's funny he's saying that. Howard said it's not happening anymore. Richard said that he has pumpkin flavored stuff that he smokes and he thinks he likes it but he doesn't.
Howard said Sal is a baby. He said that's like a baby bottle for him. Sal said he has his vices and so does Howard. Howard said he doesn't have any. He told him to name them. Sal didn't have anything. Howard said when he was told he had liver issues he quit drinking wine. He said he just stops when he has to stop. Howard said talking to Sal is like talking to a wall. He said it's even worse because talks back.
Howard said he has a friend who chews nicotine gum. He said Sal can do that. Sal said he has an oral fixation and he needs a lollipop or something. Howard said he just quit eating when he gained weight. He said that's how you do things. He said you just stop when you have to stop. Sal said he's going to stop smoking the electronic cigarette.
Sal said he's 175 pounds and he is watching his weight. Howard said it's very simple. He said it's calories in and calories out. Howard said people are so infantile that they can't say no to food. Howard said it's all about controlling your impulses. Sal said there is no doubt about it. Howard asked Sal what he's stressed about. He said he makes phony phone calls for a living. Sal said they turned in a call yesterday. Howard said it was a home run. He told them to go back to work.
Howard asked if Sal is still doing the Propecia thing. Sal said he's using Rogaine now. He said he had problems with his penis. He said he's just taking Rogaine now. Howard asked why he has to do that. Sal said it works. He said his hair is growing. He said he's maintaining. Richard said Sal was using something called ''Appecia.''
Howard said he heard Sal is getting floaters too. Sal said he has those. He said that he has all of these symptoms after smoking the e-cigarettes. Howard told him to quit. Sal said he's getting there. He said it worries him tremendously. He said it just makes him feel better. Sal was on some medication for vertigo too. He said he was getting brain fog and things like that too. Robin said brain fog is his normal state.
Howard said he believes he has brain fog. Sal said he researched it on the internet. He said that it's when you can't put a sentence together and have a low IQ. Howard said that's just being stupid. Sal said it happens when women menstruate. Robin said it does happen to menopausal women. Robin said that he should eat good food. Robin said it's all about nutrition.
Sal said he had a salad with chicken last night. He said he had a Hershey's bar too. Robin said that's not good for you. Sal said a little chocolate is good for you. Robin said that's milk chocolate. Sal said that milk is good for you too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked if Sal smokes pot. Sal said he doesn't. He said he doesn't even drink wine. He said that the stress has gone away and now things are better and he doesn't have all of these symptoms. Howard said his wife looked really good at the party. Sal said she had a good talk with Howard there. Sal said Howard asked her about the Long Island Medium and she just said no comment and sighed. Sal said she believes in it all but doesn't want to get involved. Sal said he's less stressed out now and he's better.
Howard said he got a big wooden turtle and he calls it Sal. He told Sal to get out of there. The caller said he can't let Bobo go to the birthday show. He said he's being a whiny bitch about it. Howard said they're giving away other tickets in a few different ways. Howard said you can find the info at SiriusXM.com/howardbirthdaybash
Howard let the caller go and took another call. The caller had an unusual name of Marna. Howard said he's never heard that name. She said she was born with it and she's an original. Marna said she wanted Howard to pick up a female caller today. She said she's been trying for days and days. She said she did want to say Happy Anniversary on Thursday. Howard thanked her for that and let her go. He said that was a dopey call. He said she wanted to be a female on the air. Howard said she sounded dopey. Howard said she waited all that time just to get on the air. Howard said that comment was as dumb as her name.
Howard took a call from a guy who said everyone is talking about Bobo. He said he thinks he should change his name to Dumbo after hearing that game they played with him. He said if he goes to the birthday party he should have to go without the toupee.
Howard said he found this song called ''The Vagina Song'' on the web. He said it's by this woman who calls herself The Real Queen of Vagina. Howard said he thinks this is a hit. Howard played the song and said you can find it online by doing a search. The woman just sings about being the queen of vagina over and over. She sings about being promiscuous and how her vagina is wet and waiting for you.
Howard said he sent that to Jimmy Kimmel last night. He told him to check that out. Howard said he didn't hear back from him. Howard told Gary to book her for the Birthday show. Howard said she should be the show closer. Howard said he may team her up with Steven Tyler. Howard said he likes that part where she sings about her juicy vagina.
Robin said she had a question for Howard. She said she got to see that movie ''Don Jon'' and in the beginning of it he was talking about how guys hate eating pussy. She asked if that's true. Howard said he's going to sing his answer. He sang about eating pussy with his mouth to the tune of ''The Vagina Song.'' Howard said he thinks it's hot when you're doing it but then guys are getting throat cancer from it. Howard said if women have warts and you get it in your throat then you're fucked. Howard said if you get some bad pussy then you're fucked. Howard said some guys can tell when it's bad. Howard said that guys will ask if he can tell someone is dirty by looking at them. Howard said he can't tell. He said he must have missed an education because he can't tell when a girl has bad pussy.
Howard said he was going out with this girl and guys were saying that she had bad pussy. He said he couldn't tell. They thought she was a dirty girl. Howard said he didn't know what that even meant.
Howard asked Fred if he likes eating pussy. Fred said it can be fun and pleasurable with the right person. He said it can add to the experience and extend the sex act. Howard said there were some women he didn't do that with. He said he guesses he likes it. Howard said he likes pleasuring a woman. Howard said he likes doing it with his wife. Robin said in Don Jon he was saying that guys don't like it at all. Howard said he likes normal sex and he's not looking for anything freaky. He said he just wants to fuck and maybe rub your titties. Howard said he used to need more than that. He said he kind of gets it now and he doesn't look for that.
Howard said Ronnie is into all of that stuff. He said he hasn't learned. Howard said that Ronnie is like the guy in the David Bowie song ''I'm Afraid of American's'' because he's into pussy and cars. Ronnie asked why he finds that bad. He said he doesn't understands. Howard listened to the Bowie song since Fred had started playing it. Howard said it's such a great song. He said he has to wait for the part of the song where he sings about Johnny being into pussy and cars.
Howard said he heard that Bowie won't tour anymore because he's fat. Howard said he doesn't care if he's fat. Robin said she heard it was a medical condition.
Howard said Ronnie loves going down on women. Ronnie said he loves making them happy. He said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said he pictures it being a gloppy mess. He said that he sees him with it on his beard. Ronnie said it does make a mess. Howard said that's what he pictures with him. Ronnie said that's the American way. Ronnie asked why he's worried about him. He asked what his problem is.
Howard said he pictures Ronnie being freaky in bed. Ronnie said he's not freaky. He said he does some anal stuff. He said that's about as freaky as he gets. He also tongues their assholes. Ronnie said you have to get them worked up. He said that stuff is fun. Howard asked what kind of porn he watches. Ronnie said he lets them pick it. Howard asked if he has a stash. Ronnie said they have a ton of it there. He said it's nuts how much they get there.
Howard asked what kind of porn he has. Ronnie said he likes the squirter ones. He said he likes the anal ones and that gets the chicks into it. Howard thanked him for coming in and said he could leave now.
Howard said Ronnie is like a slug. He said he's so base. Howard said he's like Cro-Magnon. Howard played a prank call the guys made to a car repair shop using clips of Ronnie complaining about the new Camaro. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Robin started off with a story about a show about anal sex that's going into previews there in New York. Robin said the play is a one woman play about a ballerina who is into anal sex. Robin said it's called ''The Surrender.'' Howard said this is very interesting to him. He said this is why you have to love Broadway. He said when he was a kid you'd go see Fiddler on the Roof and now you go see an anal sex play. Fred played some Swan Lake music with some farts over it. Howard asked Robin if she's going to go see it. Robin said it sounds interesting to her. Howard made up a song about ass and anal.
Howard said he's thinking about getting back into film production. He said he has two books that he might turn into movies. Howard said that he hasn't read the books yet but he's thinking about it. Howard said he has bought the book but now he has to take some other steps. Howard said he doesn't think all of these producers read the books or scripts. He said that's the part of the job he doesn't like. Howard said he can see the story in his head but he doesn't want to read the book.
Robin read about a man who slapped a crying toddler on a flight and how he was sent to prison for 8 months for that. Robin said a woman was holding her 19 month old child on her lap and when the baby started to cry the man leaned over and told her to shut that N-word baby up. Then he slapped it under the eye.
Robin read about a 13 year old boy who murdered his 16 year old cousin over an Xbox game. Howard said that's some advertisement for Xbox. Robin said the 13 year old has been charged with murder. Robin said he shot the cousin while he slept.
Robin read about how Chicago is trying to ban guns. Robin said it was temporarily blocked in court. Robin said it was too far reaching. They say it's unconstitutional.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wished him Happy Birthday and anniversary and other things. Mariann said that the auction for the ticket with Beth went for $90,000. Howard said that's right and it's all going to charity. Howard hung up on her when Mariann started to ramble. Howard said he wasn't in the mood. Howard said that the party is going to be great fun.
Robin read a story about a teacher who is in trouble for allegedly telling an African American student that they don't need another back president. The teacher claims he just said we don't need another Obama.
Robin read a story about a man who stabbed and killed his wife over the cable bill not being paid.
Robin read about how Liberty Media is trying to buy SiriusXM stock and buy out the company. Howard said that he didn't bring that up himself. He said he doesn't know what's going on with the stock. He said they announced that they wanted to buy the company and what they would get in return is Liberty stock. Howard said they have to figure out if the Liberty stock is worth anything. Howard said then they have to figure out what to pay everyone when they buy the stock. He said he has no idea how they figure all of that out. Howard said he imagines that the stock is undervalued right now. Robin agreed. Howard said he knew that Sal was in the stock market for a while and asked him what he thought. He said Sal said ''Beats me.'' Howard asked what Liberty Media has. He said he doesn't know anything about them. Robin said she doesn't know. Gary said he looked them up and they do a lot of entertainment stuff. He said they have some channels. They own DirecTV and QVC. They own a little bit of everything from what he was seeing. Howard said they say that the owner, John Malone, owns more real estate than anyone else in the country. Gary said they own 1 percent of a bunch of different big companies. Gary said he thinks they own the Starz channel. They also own Charter Communications. Howard said he's never heard of these companies. Gary said they owned Court TV and got out of that. Howard said it must be good news if they're looking to buy the company. They must believe in it. Howard said he's happy about that. He went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about meditation and how it can relieve stress and may even act like anti-depressant medications. Howard said he loves meditation and he's been doing it since he was 18 years old. He said that's why he's so mellow.
Gary came in and said that whatever money Liberty Media gets from this company will go to buy Time Warner cable. Howard said that he wants to know how this affects him. Gary said he's not sure. Howard said he'd like a good price for the stock. He said he doesn't want to get ripped off. Gary said it's hard to tell. He said he'll have to go do some math to figure out how it will work out. Howard said now he has to look into it. He said he has a life all of a sudden.
Howard said his dad would invest his money when he was young. He said he was able to retire at 58 or 59. He said he was investing his money and not buying dopey shit. Howard said he was getting a little bit here and there.
Howard asked Fred if he has any Sirius stock. Fred said he has zero. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said he doesn't have a lot. He said he does own some. Howard said he'll wait and see what happens.
Robin read about a man who died when a firework exploded in his mouth. Robin said this was an apparent suicide. Robin said it worked. Howard asked what type of firecracker it was. Robin said it doesn't say in the story. Howard figured it was an M-80. Robin said he killed himself around 6:30 last night. Robin said he was suffering from cancer. Robin said he was very intelligent and well read. Howard said if he was going to kill himself he wouldn't do it that way. Howard said he knows how he'd do it and it's not that way.
Robin read about a teenager who threw herself in front of a train but survived. She said she was bad at throwing herself in front of the train. Robin said she hit the side of the car and bounced back. Robin said she waited too long. Howard said that people like that often don't succeed but then they don't try again. Howard said you'd think they'd do it the right way next time.
Robin read about Dennis Rodman going to North Korea to play basketball with some players. Howard asked what Robin thinks about all of that. Robin said she thinks it could go very badly for all of us. Howard said no good could come from it. Howard said he's going to end up blowing up the world.
Robin read about the arctic cold that's gripping the mid-west and east coast. Robin said it was -37 in Minnesota. Robin said that's colder than it's been on Mars in recent days. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to live there.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said it's -3 in Albany, New York. Howard said he should move his trailer to Florida. Jeff said that would cost a little. He said he would be better off buying a new one down there. Howard said he should move down there. He said he's not sure why he'd live in Albany in a trailer. Jeff said he'll move down there with Howard. Howard said he could be warn down in Florida. Howard said he chooses to stay up there. Howard said he could have a home without wheels down there. Jeff said he doesn't have wheels on his house. Howard said it could have wheels on it. He said he put it on blocks. Jeff said he supposes that's how it was brought there. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. Howard said he could drive it down to Florida. Jeff said he supposes he's right.
Jeff said he wants to thank him for sending him that card. Howard said no problem. He said he sent him a thank you note for being on the show. Jeff said they even had a Johnny Cash stamp on the envelope.
Robin said it's been down to -40 in some parts of the country. Robin said it's not expected to be any better today. Robin said this is arctic air we're getting right now. Howard said he doesn't know how all of that works. Robin said she wonders why we don't get it in the summer. Robin said they're also naming winter storms.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a comment about Liberty. He kept thanking Howard for the show and all of that. Howard said this call is a disaster. He said he's beating around the bush. The caller said he's kind of scared about the buyout of Sirius. He said they want to give some small amount of Liberty stock for the Sirius stock. Howard said it could be a good thing but he hasn't done any research. The caller said it's amazing what Howard has done for the company. He said it's a one time only thing. He said they don't treat Howard the way he should be treated around there. Howard said he's speaking his language now. He said there is no treatment good enough for him. Howard went did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who is named Jihad Jane. Howard said it must be hard to get on a plane with a name like that. Robin said she's getting 10 years in jail for providing support to terrorists. Robin said she's 50 years old and an active member of an online extremist group. Howard said she should get life in prison for that. Howard said he'd like to know what she thinks about Liberty buying out Sirius.
Robin read about what's going on in Iraq and how everyone we fought is back and there's a lot of violence going on there. Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about what it must be like for kids to grow up in that mess over there.
Howard said he's doing his handwriting exercises. He said that he's working on his handwriting and bought a course he could take. Howard said he never learned the right way. He said he got this CD-ROM that doesn't really work. He said it has a work book though and he's been using that. Howard said his handwriting still looks like shit. Robin said you have to go slowly. Howard said he has to hire an English teacher. He said he never learned to hold a pen correctly. Robin said she finds it odd the way he holds a pen. Howard said he has a knot in his finger from not holding it correctly.
Robin asked Howard about unemployment insurance. Howard said he thinks there are people who need it but there are people who are vampires who suck the blood of it. Howard said medicare and medicaid were good but now people abuse it and it's not working. Howard said it's the same with Unemployment insurance. Howard said there are professional moochers out there now. Howard said those people should be thrown in prison.
JD came in to tell Howard something. Howard said he came in there like he's nuts. Howard said he came in flailing his arms. Howard said he can come in calmly and just stand there. JD said he was just going to leave. Howard said he can't come in and make a scene and then leave. JD said that he has seen the Untouchables and he enjoyed it. He said Jon Hein had suggested it to him. Robin mentioned it to Howard a few minutes before. Howard said you know JD will be unemployed if he retires.
Robin read about how a lot of America is for legalizing Marijuana. Robin said there are people who don't think it should happen there in New York. Robin said the governor says there is no political will to make it happen there.
Robin read about Seattle having an openly gay mayor and a socialists council woman. Robin said that the problem with Denver having marijuana legal is that it's a federal crime and they're afraid that banks won't take the money. Robin said the city council is asking banks to help out in the area.
Robin read about John McCain being on the Tonight Show last night. Robin had some audio of McCain talking about Vladimir Putin and the Olympics.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the girls are going to be wearing sexy dresses at the birthday show. Howard said he's not sure what the dress code should be. He said it would be nice if it were black tie. He said that would be fun. Robin agreed. Howard said they could do a rock and roll black tie. Gary said that they use the term Rock Glam. Howard said he's not even sure what that means. Gary said you dress up but don't look like your parents. Howard said they should make it black tie. Howard asked if that would be fun or a drag. Robin said guys can wear suits or a tux. Howard said Beth wants to wear a formal thing. Howard said they'll figure it out tomorrow and make an announcement.
Robin read about The Bachelor coming back. Howard said he hasn't watched the first episode yet. He said he and Beth watch together so he has to do that with her. Howard said he saw the ratings dipped for the show this year. He said that he's not excited about this guy Juan Pablo. He said you don't know what the hell he's saying. He said he's keeping it real with the Latino thing. Robin had some audio of Juan Pablo from the show that she had Howard play. They spent some time talking about how annoying he is and how it's not that big of a deal that he's the first Latino Bachelor. Howard said they're past that already. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am
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Jon talked about Sal and his stock broker days. Gary said that Sal makes it clear that he didn't have one blemish in his career.
Jon went over some of the other things he wanted to cover today. He and Gary went over a few things and then brought up the dress code for the Birthday bash. Jon said that Howard was thinking black tie. Gary said he'd like everyone to dress the way they want. He said he has a tuxedo but he hasn't worn it in about 15 years. He said if it fits he'll wear that but he'll wear a suit and tie if it doesn't. Gary asked if Benjy will be wearing formal platform shoes. Benjy said he will be wearing tall shoes.
Jon said that Wolfie had his microphone at the Christmas party and ended up getting peed on. Gary said he would never do that to someone. He said he knows Sal would do that to a girl's hand though. Sal said that Wolfie was bothering Richard and he did put the microphone by his penis. He said he's bound to get hit. Benjy said it sounded like a game of chicken to him. He said that a guy might pee on you if you stick your hand down there.
Sal asked if they ever peed on anyone. Gary said he never did. Sal said they used to do that in college. He said they peed all over a guy and one of the guys ended up trying to shit on him. He said the guy woke up and punched the guy in the balls.
Gary said they did a contest at K-Rock years ago where they did the most outrageous video contest. He said all of the guys wanted to shit in the videos. He said that this one guy got on a ladder and shit on someone who was an enemy of the show at the time. He said in another one they had a guy who was taking an enema and quieted his enema stuff on a picture of another one of their enemies.
Sal said he saw a porno when he was younger and he saw this guy peeing off his jizz from a chick he had cum on. He said he got a boner seeing that. Gary said he doesn't get excited by that. Jon said if the woman is willing to let it happen it turns Sal on. Sal said she's willing to go the extra mile. He said that's pretty wild stuff.
Sal said when a woman does it to another woman that's okay. He said that he's not into a woman just urinating. He hates piss porn when it's just a woman peeing. Jon said Sal wants a target. Sal said that he likes seeing peeing on other people. He said he's not that into it right now though. He said he likes the ass to mouth stuff and old lady outside orgies. He said they have to be outside on a camping trip or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary why he won't go out and get a new tux. Gary said he has an awesome suit that he can wear. He said he can rent a tux but he's comfortable in this tailor made suit. The caller said he thinks ideally that they should get dressed up. He said not so formal like the Oscars but more like the Golden Globes. Gary said he thinks that his suit would work. He asked why he has to wear a solid tie. The caller said it kind if dresses it down but keeps it formal.
Sal asked Benjy what he'll wear to the party. Benjy said maybe a tux or the suit he wore to the party. Sal said he'll wear a tux if he has to. He said that he likes a suit with a regular tux tie. He said that looks classy. He said it's classy and kind of formal but more in between. Jon said he'll be wearing a tux too.
Sal said Jackie used to wear suits with sneakers. He asked where that came from. Gary said he got that from Paul McCartney. He said that he had never done it before and he was able to pull it off. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Gary said they were talking about Sal's e-cigarette and Jason was saying that he's not sure that's all true. Jason said the stuff they use has been deemed safe for use in some foods. He said that you don't hit that stuff constantly throughout the day. He said that it's not clear if it's safe to do that. Sal said too much of anything isn't good for you. He said that's the way it is with Jason and food.
Sal said his kids have never seen him smoke a regular cigarette. He said he has to tell them that he's in a movie so he's practicing to smoke with the E-cigarette. He said that they keep wondering when the movie is going to happen though.
Jon asked Sal how he's feeling right now. Sal said he can't wait to get on the train and puff away. Gary asked what he's going to do when he can't smoke that thing inside. Sal said he will have to go outside and smoke like a regular smoker. Sal said he's spending like 55 bucks a week on that stuff. Jon said this can't be good for you and Sal must know that. Jon asked if he can try changing it or giving it up. Sal said that people have suggested trying lollipops and things. Gary asked if the e-cigarette ever comes to an end. Sal said they never do. Sal said he's going through two packs of nicotine a day.
Jon said Howard pretty much banned him from doing this in the building. He asked what he's going to do in the office. Sal said he'll go to the bathroom and take some puffs. He said he'll do that when he leaves the building too. Sal said he wants to stop and this is good. He said he's happy Howard is doing this.
Ronnie asked why he doesn't quit himself. Sal said he doesn't know. He said this is good that he has to stop in the office though.
Ronnie said if he wanted to quit that bad he'd do it. He said he was sneaking it on the plane. Sal said he knows you can't smoke on the train but he blows it between his ankles on the plane. Jon said he blows it in his face in the car. He said he asks him not to do it in the car and he claims it's water vapor. Gary said just because he says it's water vapor doesn't mean it is. Sal said that's what they say it is.
Gary said they said regular smoking wasn't dangerous for years. Jason said there haven't been any studies done to show if they're safe or not. He said they should of a study either way.
Jon said the Wall Street stuff came up with Sal today. He asked if Sal misses that stuff at all. Sal said he doesn't miss it at all. Sal said he's doing something he loves now. He said he loved it at the time because he's a natural salesman. He said he used to sell 800 numbers to businesses before that. He said his cousin worked for this stock broker company and he studied the series 7. He said he did that over a few months. He said he ended up cold calling from a firm in New York City. He said he worked off a script there and he would call and ask people about investing. Gary said during the 90s the stock market was booming and he would get calls every day at work. He said he was very aggressive with them. He said he wasn't going to hand them money because they were strangers.
Sal said once his cousin left the business there were a lot of guys who went down. He said his cousin told everyone everything. He said that he got off because he was completely honest. He said he was made a scapegoat because of that. He said his cousin was just doing what he was told to do. He said he didn't realize how much the rest of them were making. Sal said he was taught the sales person thing and he was taught to trade real companies. Sal said that's what he did. He said he didn't do the other things until later on. Gary said he just remembered something that happened back then. He said Sal had called Stuttering John and he told him to give Sal a call. He said Sal called and said he could make him money but there was no way he could give him his money. Sal said he understood that. He said he could have made 33,000 in a day if he had invested in that IPO.
Jason asked if it's possible to sell bad stocks and not know you're doing it. Sal said if a brokerage firm underwrites a company you can do that. He said that they can short it behind your back and that's what was happening. Sal said he learned from his cousin what was going on and he only traded real tech stocks. Jon had to cut him off and go to break after that.
Ronnie said he didn't but he did have a girl who had the smelliest pussy ever. He said she had a really hairy pussy. He said he was like 19-20 at the time. Sal said he must have been driving the Model T. Ronnie said he was driving his 69 Roadrunner at the time. He said he was in a motel and he had two rooms running up and down the hall. He said she had this smelly hairy pussy and they were so drunk they didn't care. He said they just did the deed and kept switching.
Jon asked if she was hairy anywhere else. Ronnie said he knew the girl for a while but he never got into that with her. He said that he was the first one with her and he didn't warn the other guy about it. He said he just wanted to go to the other room.
Sal asked if he found out before he went down on her. Ronnie said he was going down on her when he smelled it. He said they were drunk though. They were drinking Mateus wine at the time. Jason had no idea what that was. Gary told him it's an old man wine. Ronnie said they didn't have a corkscrew for the bottle so he got a screwdriver and knocked the cork in. He said that's how they opened the bottles.
Sal asked if he still went for it. Ronnie said he did. He said it smelled awful and it tasted like shit. He said he went all night too. He said it was horrible. Ronnie said he hopes that she doesn't listen to the show because she'd know just who she was.
Sal said he had a friend who picked a booger and could smell the pussy he had the night before. Gary asked what happened to the show today. He said it got really weird.
Jon asked Ronnie about how he knows a woman wants to go places. Ronnie said you try and you know if she lets you do it.
Jason asked Jon if he goes down like that. Sal asked if Jason does because he eats everything else. Jason said he has grown into it. He said that his lady likes it. Gary asked if there are women who don't like it. Ronnie said there are. He said he's found out by trying.
Ronnie said that he will take someone out and you have to woo them. He said that it could be all night that you woo them. Ronnie said you have a few drinks to loosen them up. He said you get into some conversations and put on some porn. He said that he has never been turned down at that point. He said you just go for it and do it the right way. He said you don't do it like Sal wants to do it to girls.
Sal said he admires Ronnie because they're generally inhibited. He said that doing what Ronnie does is the way to do it. Ronnie said you work into it and you know where you want to go with it. Sal said Ronnie just goes for it. Ronnie said if the girl doesn't want to kiss then you know she's not going anywhere else. He said then you're out of there.
Sal asked Ronnie how he handles it if a woman stops him. Ronnie said he will keep going. He said sometimes you break her. Ronnie said when they stop you then you stop and have a drink. Gary said Ronnie is talking about what happened to Patty Hurst. Jon asked if you go back to the soft porn or what. Ronnie said you start all over again. He said you have some more drinks and watch more porn. Gary asked if he's ever thought it's not worth it. Ronnie said yes.
Gary said they should get Lisa up there to do her news preview. Lisa said she was fascinated by the discussion. She went through what they have coming up on the news today. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about how it was going to be a good day. He had a technical problem that he fixed immediately. Howard said Robin is positive even in the eye of adversity.
Howard said Gary gave him an early birthday gift. He said it's a CD he wanted. He said it's a Neil Young CD where he played at the Cellar Door in the early 1970s (Live At The Cellar Door). He said this may have been before he was in Crosby, Stills and Nash. Howard said he's amazed at the technology that they were able to clean up the recording. Howard played some of it and said that he will listen to it. He said he hasn't heard the whole thing yet but it sounds so clear. Howard said the first part wasn't so clear but the music is.
Howard said he loves guys that write songs. He said they're such poets. Howard sang along with the song he was listening to. He said he's imagining the big boobs songs the guys are going to write with this song. He said this song will be reduced to Robin's vagina and boobs. Howard said he's already singing about Robin's thighs and boobs and goo. Howard said he knows what he'll be doing this weekend. HE's going to put this in his iTunes and listen to it. Robin asked if he can really do that. He said he has people that can do that for him.
Howard said he went out and got a new iPod. He said the new ones are really nice. Howard said he's using it for running. He said he runs on the treadmill in the winter and it helps get him through that. He said he can do 3 miles before he's ready to hang himself. Howard said he goes back and forth from low to high to make it seem like it's outdoors. He said the music really helps. He said he got two iPods. He said they're all touch screen now. He said he can put his lists on there. He said he has a second one for his GTD (Getting Things Done) tapes. He said he likes to pause those. Howard said they're like a lecture and you can't hold your place when you pause it.
Howard said he's about 10 years late on getting into the iTunes thing. He said he's just getting into using Amazon.com too. He said that he joined Prime and he has OneClick too. Howard said he has the OneClick thing and he gets that stuff in a day. He said he wants his shit now so it takes too long. Robin said she sees how long it will take to get something and she won't get it if it takes too long. Howard said you can get some stuff the same day. Robin said some of the stuff is from an outside supplier and it takes longer. Howard said he buys stuff he doesn't even need. Howard said he bought Crayons. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said he really did. He bought markers.
Howard said he got into this thing called Mind Mapping and this guy wrote a book about it. He said that's what he's doing with the markers. Howard said it's about the random thoughts in your head. He said he can do something with Robin now. He told her the word is Frogs. He told her that she should draw a picture of a frog on a piece of paper. Howard said you don't have to be a great artist to do this. He told her to close her eyes for 30 seconds. Then he told her to draw tree branches out of the frog. He told her to color those in and write down 5 things about them. Howard said you can write colors and things about the frog. Howard told Robin that out of those thoughts you draw 3 roads off of those. He said you start to mind map from that. Howard said you write down things and you're mapping your mind about frogs.
Howard said you can apply this to something like what this year is going to mean to you. Howard said you can draw a picture of yourself and write down things that you want to do this year. Howard said he might write that he wants to write a book and you write things under that subject. Howard said he was feeling overwhelmed before he went to Mexico so he wrote down the weekend. He started to mind map that stuff. Howard said it revealed everything he wanted to do and he got it all done. Howard said it frees up your mind and it's a fun way to look at your life.
Robin asked what this does for you. Howard said it gives you clarity and it gives you organization. He said that's why he got the Crayola Crayons. He said he's back to drawing like Cave Man. Howard said that's what he's up to.
Gary said he loves Amazon too. He said that you can watch Amazon video on your iPad with Prime. Howard asked how that works. Gary told him what it's like and how he can use it. Howard didn't know about that. Howard said he has to mind map that now.
Howard said the thing that's overwhelming him is that he's not sure how he's going to remember to check them. He said Jon Hein gave him something for Christmas. He said it's an app and it gives you access to a bunch of magazines. It's called Next Issue. Howard said the magazines are all online and they have magazines like People, Rolling Stone and more. He said it's $150 a year and you download what you want. He said a week will go by and he forgets to look at it. He said he's not sure how he's going to remember to check the videos on Amazon.
Robin said he has to mind map that stuff. Howard said he actually did. Howard said he refers to it and thinks about what he can look into. Robin said he has to think about checking into all of that stuff.
Howard said he meets kids who say they're bored. He said he can't understand that. He said there's just so much to do. He said early man could have gotten bored but not today. Robin said they have such poor quality stuff. She said there are these things called RedBox and it's the worst new movies you can think of. She said that she watched The Godfather with her nephew and he had never seen it before. She said he's watching stuff out of RedBox and there are so many great things out there.
Howard got back to the Neil Young CD and played more of that. Howard said Benjy has never seen The Godfather. Benjy said he has seen parts of it. He said he liked what he saw. Howard told him to sit down and watch the whole thing.
Howard said Neil Young has such a catalog of songs. He said he reminds him of Billy Joel who has so many great songs. He said he still sounds great too. Howard said Neil Young has a ton of songs to go through as well. Howard played more of the CD and said he doesn't know some of the songs. Fred said it might be Buffalo Springfield. Howard said he's not familiar with a lot of their stuff. He said he knows some of their songs but not that many.
Robin said Fred sent out a list of the songs Neil is playing while he's in New York. Howard asked if Fred went to see him. Fred said he did not. He looked up the list of songs for Howard while he played more of the CD.
Fred told Howard that the CD was done after Neil left Crosby, Stills and Nash. Gary said it was in 1970 so he's not sure how that's possible. Fred said that's what Rolling Stone magazine said.
Fred read the list of songs that Neil is doing in his shows there in New York. He was doing a lot of his old stuff. Howard said there were some great songs in there. Howard said it sounds like a good concert. He said he'd go see that. Howard asked how long he's there. Fred wasn't sure. He said he's playing at Carnegie Hall.
Howard said he should get together with Stephen Stills and do some solo stuff as well as playing together. Howard had Fred play some other Neil Young songs. Howard said he'd like to know how he chooses the set list. He played ''A Man Needs a Maid.'' Howard wondered who would think to write a song about a maid.
Howard said he should go to see Neil at Carnegie Hall. Fred said he should because he's in the Stern auditorium. Howard said he has too much to do.
Howard said he needs his Crayons. He said he should write a song about that. He started to sing ''A Man needs a Crayon.
The caller asked how Courteney was looking. Howard said she looked good. Howard said he had such a great time on that vacation. He said he was so relaxed. Howard said he doesn't think that anyone has ever asked him to come stay at their house like Jennifer did. Howard said he wasn't sure he could handle that kind of graciousness and generosity. He said it was really nice giving up control though. He said Jennifer calls the shots though. He said they were in charge of the food and when they ate and all of that. He said it was great.
Robin said Howard usually stays on a resort. Howard said he stays there and doesn't go into town. Howard said this house was really nice. He said it's a nice community. Howard said he walked for an hour and a half around the community. He said it's a gated community. Howard jokingly said it's surrounded by machine guns and cannons.
Howard said he was a nervous wreck when they got there. He said there was loud music when he got there. He said they were switching rooms and all of that. Howard said his wife calmed him down and he settled in. He said they turned the speaker off and it was completely quiet after that. He said it was nice.
Howard said everyone was chill there. He said that even his wife told him that he was fun. He said that he had a really good time. Robin said she's so proud of him. Howard said he had a good time there. Howard said Jennifer asked if he wanted a massage. He asked if it was from her. She said it wasn't but he took it anyway. Howard said he, Jimmy and Justin had a group massage. He said they were all in the same room. He said it was a giant room though. Howard said it was funny because someone was snoring. Howard said he asked how anyone could sleep through that. Howard said this one was very aggressive and he wasn't able to sleep himself. He said Justin is in some shape. He said that he's muscular. Howard said he's in pretty good shape. Howard said he was glad he got into shape. Howard said Beth peeked in to see what they were doing and she was hoping to see Justin. Howard said she and Molly saw him and asked where all of his tattoos were. She though he was Justin. Howard said that made his wife fall in love with him even more.
Howard said Robin can ask Jimmy how fun he was down there. Howard said he wasn't so fun when hit came to going out and riding ATVs. He said he didn't want anything to do with that. He said he knew it would be trouble for him. Howard said they didn't even go out and ride without him. He said he did go golfing with them though. He said they did 4 holes in 3 hours. Howard said he didn't even play the last hole.
Howard said Jimmy could take a whole day and cook a meal for them. He said he cooked something called Nudies. He said he made his own ricotta cheese. He said he didn't do it like Sal does. Howard said Jimmy took a big bowl and made it. He said that the lemons separate the water from the cheese. He said he rolled it into balls. Howard said he rolled up the cheese and fried it. He said it was called a Nudie. Howard said they had a chef there and he wasn't sure he wanted to eat Jimmy's food. Howard said they had a professional chef there and they had to eat Jimmy's food. Howard said it turned out to be one of the best meals he's ever had.
Robin said she would like to cook for Howard sometime. Howard said she has. Robin said that was a long time ago. She said she's changed. Howard said he'd rather go out to eat at a restaurant. Then she gets an $800 bottle of wine. Robin said she didn't tell him to buy a bunch. Howard said he just paid off that dinner last week. He said he had to take out a mortgage on that dinner.
Howard said he bought this thing online to organize his desk. He said he has all kinds of paper on there. He said he bought this thing called a Unifier. He said it separates your pens and paper. He said he got that on Levenger's web site. Howard said he was so proud that he got this thing. He said he had everything organized on his desk. He said he had his Crayons and all of that organized. Howard said he loves this thing. Howard said Beth walks in and asks ''What's that?'' He told her what it was and asked her not to say anything negative about it. Beth said it was the ugliest thing she had ever seen on his desk. Howard said she ruined it for him. He said that she told him how gorgeous his desk is and then he looked at it and thought how awful it looked. He told her not to say anything else about it. He said he ordered a second one and didn't tell her about that. Howard said now it's all ruined for him. Gary said he's sorry about that. Howard asked why. Gary said because it was something he liked.
Robin said she ordered some storage containers about her Christmas ornaments. Robin said she saw them and had to buy them. She said she has them for when she takes all of the stuff down.
Gary said Amazon cut a deal with the post office to have stuff delivered on Sunday. He said he got something on Sunday morning and he was excited. Howard asked if they have to pay the post office to do that. Gary said he's not sure how they did it but they did it with the post office. Howard said they're pretty industrious over there at Amazon.
Hanzi asked if he and Beth swapped with Justin and Jennifer. Howard said they did that like 3 times. Howard said he was kidding and there was nothing weird like that. Hanzi said he doesn't believe that. He said he thinks everyone swaps wives. He said he thinks Howard fucked Jennifer Aniston. Howard said maybe he had sex accidentally with her in the pool. He said he was kidding about that too. Howard said he had a really nice time with them down there. He said it was very generous and very nice. Howard said Jennifer is very lovely and Justin is a very nice guy. He said he had a great time. Howard said he loves Jimmy and Courteney too.
Hanzi asked if he fucked Courteney Cox at some point in his life. Howard said he didn't. He said he felt like he was on Friends while he was down there. He said he was with Jennifer and Courteney.
Hanzi said that The Godfather is so overrated. He said if you watch it in 2013 for the first time it's so over rated. Howard said he watches it all the time. He said he loves it. Hanzi said there are so many other great movies and TV shows and it's not that great. Howard said it is great. Hanzi said it's too cheesy. Howard said it's not. He said he thinks it holds up. Howard said this is just how he feels.
Howard said he got a letter from a guy who said he was going to stop listening to the show because he didn't like the music of the Everly brothers. Howard said he finds that funny because it's all subjective. Howard said he loves the Godfather.
Howard read the letter he got from the guy about the Everly Brothers. Howard read what the guy was saying about his thoughts on the Everly Brothers. The writer pointed out that he knows nothing about music. Howard said the guy is fed up with his stupidity. He said it's such a dumb letter. He said you can't convince someone to love or hate something.
Hanzi said he was just saying that the Godfather isn't going to be that great for Benjy. Howard said he thinks he will be. He asked Hanzi what he wants to bet. He said he has nothing to bet. Hanzi laughed when Howard asked if he's going to bet his mother's furniture.
Hanzi said he wants to come to the birthday bash. Howard said he told him how he can come. He has to get a note from his parents. He said he has to come with his parents if he doesn't get the note. Howard said he knows how Hanzi is going to be if he comes alone. Howard said he can't have him there if he's going to go bat shit crazy.
Hanzi said that they can throw him into a mental hospital if he doesn't like the way he acts. Howard said he doesn't want to have to worry about that. Hanzi was starting to freak out so Howard played the song parody that Daniel Mendelson performed about him. Howard said he's going to be there that night at the party. Howard asked how Hanzi would even get to the party. Hanzi said he can do a bit and fly him out. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said that's like 6 grand he'd have to shell out.
Howard asked Hanzi why he doesn't just ask his parents if he can come. Hanzi was freaking out more and wasn't able to get a sentence out.
Howard calmed Hanzi down and told him to just ask his parents to bring him to the party. He said that if he has a chaperone then he can come. Gary asked Hanzi what he was about to say about talking to his parents. Hanzi told him to go to hell and order a toothbrush on Amazon or something.
Howard asked if Hanzi asked his parents if he can come. Hanzi was trying to tell him something but his phone sounded awful. Howard asked if he has a hard line in his room. Hanzi said he does but he can't call on that line. Howard asked if they can call him back on a regular line. Hanzi said he can.
Howard told Hanzi to draw a frog on a piece of paper and mind map. Howard told Gary to call him on the other line. He put Hanzi on hold so they could get him on a better phone.
Gary said he thinks Hanzi has paranoia and he can't talk to his parents. Howard said he thinks his parents are afraid of him. Gary said Hanzi thinks the world is against him and he thinks there are people recording him secretly and things like that. Howard said it would be great to have him at the party and show him to everyone. He said he thinks people would like that.
Howard said they have to worry about getting their guests comfortable. He said they can't worry about people like Hanzi. He said that they have a major artist coming to the show and it's someone he can't mention. Howard said this artist's management asked what was going on and they had no idea it was that big of a deal.
Howard had Hanzi back on the phone. Howard said it was so much better. Hanzi said not really. Howard said the phone quality is so much better. Hanzi said he wants to come to the party to fuck Robin. Robin asked how old he's going to be. Howard said he's 30. Robin said she's not sure she can do that.
Howard told Hanzi to sit down with his parents and ask if they can come with him to the show. Hanzi said he doesn't want to go to the show with his mom. Howard told him that he is kind of child like. Hanzi said he doesn't want to come with his mom. Howard said he doesn't want him there with his mom but he can't take care of him. Hanzi said he doesn't understand this. Howard said he has to worry about him if he's there alone. Howard said he could go crazy. Hanzi said he has watchers everywhere. Howard said he really doesn't. Hanzi said he has people looking into him all the time. He said he's known him since 2006. Howard said he doesn't know what his last name is. He said he'd think it was Schwartz.
Hanzi said his name is Imran Khan. Howard asked how he's Hanzi then. Hanzi said that's his nickname. Robin said Imran Khan is a cool Superhero name.
Hanzi said he wants to work there at Sirius. Howard said a lot of people want a job there. He said he wouldn't be able to fire him because they'd be afraid of him going mental. Hanzi said he wants to go to Wrestlemania this year so he wants to work there. Howard said he has to stop with his bullshit then.
Howard called Hanzi by his real name and he didn't like that. Howard told Imran that he has to get his shit together if he wants to work somewhere. Hanzi said he doesn't even want to be there anymore. Howard said this is why they can't have him at the birthday show. He said they'd have to worry about him offing himself. Hanzi said he doesn't want to go through this stuff anymore. Howard said he doesn't have to talk to him anymore since he doesn't want to go to the show. Hanzi said Howard is like the Vince McMahon of radio. Howard said he really has to go. He said he wants him at the birthday show but he needs supervision there. He said he has to bring his mom or dad. Hanzi asked if he can bring his brother. Howard said he has to bring his mom or dad. Robin asked how old his brother is. Hanzi said he's 26. Howard guessed 25 and Hanzi said Howard knew.
Howard asked if his brother lives at home. Hanzi said he does. Howard told him he has to go. He kept calling him Imran. Hanzi said people make money off him all the time and he can't get this thing. Howard said he would love to have him at the party but he can't have him there alone. Howard called him other names like Boron, E-Ron and other names. Howard said that he doesn't oppose him coming to the party but he can't come without a chaperone. Howard said he has to ask his parent's permission. He said that is the final word on that. Howard said he's trying to be responsible. Hanzi was freaking out and then started laughing. Howard said he really has to go. He hung up on Hanzi. He said he loves that kid but he can't keep an eye on him at the party.
Howard asked Robin if she'd watch him all night. Robin said she wouldn't trust him in New York alone. Howard said he really has to take a break so that's what they did.
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Howard came back and sang along with the Stephen Stills song a little bit. Howard said he can sing that live. Howard had Fred get him a guitar and ended up singing a little bit. Howard said that's a really nice guitar. Fred said that it's a beauty. Howard said it wasn't that bad even with him playing it. Howard said if he practices he can play pretty good. Howard said he hasn't played in years. Howard said that could have been great.
Howard said a friend of his got him a gift of a bass guitar signed by Sting. He said it's really nice. He said he has a nice collection of guitars. Howard said he has an Eddie Van Halen guitar and a Leslie West and even a Paul McCartney signed bass. Howard said he will give Robin a tour sometime.
Howard said he has a bunch of stuff to go through. He said that Zachary Quinto is coming in and he really likes that guy. He said he was great in ''Heroes.'' Robin said she was so bummed out that they ruined that show. Howard said Zachary is great as Spock in the new star Trek movies. Howard said he's so natural an actor. He said he heard that Nimoy had to approve of him. Howard said he doesn't know if that's true or not. Howard said he's not sure why they'd give him that power but they apparently did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they really did fuck up Heroes. He said the first season was a great season. Howard said they fucked up by giving everyone powers. Howard said Zachary must have been pissed about them ruining it too. Howard said the key to a great movie is that the regular people look up to the super heroes. Howard said there has to be someone to worship them. Howard said if everyone has powers then it's not fun. Howard said only a chosen few should have them. Robin said that everyone can't know about Kryptonite when it comes to Superman. Howard said that's a good point.
The caller asked if anyone had to be told that Robin Roberts was gay. Howard said he didn't know. Howard said he's never watched Good Morning America and he doesn't know anything about Robin Roberts. He said he was curious about her cancer when she had it but that's the only thing he knew about her. Howard said maybe other people didn't know about her being gay. Howard said the big thing about that is that people think gay people are monsters like that moron from that Duck Dynasty show. Howard said the people that need that are the ones who don't get that they're just regular people.
Howard let the caller go. Robin said Howard must have gaydar. Robin said he knew that George Takei was gay. Howard said that's because he was flaming. He said they have a friend named Richard who is still in the closet and that was pretty obvious too.
Howard said that Jon Leiberman has been doing his show Leiberman Live at 4:45 on Howard 101. Howard said they did it yesterday and Big Foot was on. Howard said that he was talking about the legalization of pot. Howard played a clip where Big Foot said it makes him feel good inside. Big Foot said he drives people around in his car and he gets them around safer because he's more aware of things around him. Robin said just imagine that he's less aware when he's off pot.
Howard said he wants to play the new Sal and Richard prank call into break. Gary told him where it was. Howard played the bit and the show they called was a religious show where the host was speaking in tongues. Howard said JD makes more sense than these people do. The first one they picked up on was Richard who said that Jesus has influenced his life. He kept repeating ''Jesus H. Christ'' over and over. The host cut him off and said they don't play with God like that. Then they start speaking in tongues again. Sal calls in next and he was praying for Richard and saying he hopes he will let him put his penis into his butt hole some day. They cut him off and started praying again. Howard went to break after that.
Howard played a clip of Sal singing one of his Christmas songs and they put in some David Lee Roth clips along with him.
Howard said they were also talking Klingon on the air and they took those clips and cut them into a Star Trek episode. Howard played the clip and said Robin was very good at speaking Klingon. He asked her to repeat what she said. Robin said she doesn't know what she said. Howard replayed the clip and they had Howard and Robin blurting out their Klingon.
Howard asked Robin who she likes better as Spock, the original or Zachary Quinto. Robin said she loves the original but Zachary is great too.
Howard said that he played the new prank call from Sal and Richard. He said he has a commercial for the least interesting man which was a parody of the Dos Equis guy. Howard played that and it was about Scott the Engineer.
Howard said they played the Vagina Song yesterday. He said JD went out and found some of her other songs. Howard played the one he played yesterday. He asked where the new ones were. He said they were all gone. Gary told him they were on JD's page. Howard said he's trying to stay calm so he didn't get angry. Howard played one of her songs where she sings about her shaky-shaky bum-bum. Howard said the music all sounds the same in her songs. Howard said she has another song is about her vagina being color blind. Howard let that one play for a short time. Howard said it would be great if she was from America but she's probably not. Howard said she's more intelligible than Dennis Rodman. Howard said he must have been high as a kite in that clip. Robin said he may know 50-60 words so he loses it after a couple of sentences. Howard said he has a challenge getting a sentence out.
Howard played one more Vagina Woman song about her bloody tampon. That's what she was singing about in that one. She was singing about them being everywhere. Howard said she was singing about them being in her pussy. Howard said he wants to know what country she's from. Robin said she's probably from some place they'd never find her. Howard said he's going to throw up from this woman's songs. He said Neil Young is able to make a song work but this woman can't.
Howard said Dennis went on the news and held a press conference. He had some basketball players behind him and they looked embarrassed by him. Howard said Kim Jong Un is into basketball for some reason so they asked Dennis to bring some guys over. Howard said they were probably paid a fortune. Howard said it's like Hillary Swank going to some country and meeting with someone. Howard said Dennis was on Sky News and he handled himself okay. Then he got more and more aggravated as the day went on. Howard played a clip of Dennis talking to Sky News about what he was doing over in North Korea. Rodman was saying he was hoping this trip was going to open the doors to something. He said that Kim Jong Un is his friend first. The reporter was asking about the prison camps there. Dennis said that they have the same thing going on in America. The reporter said he's just a guy and he's just there to play basketball.
Howard said Dennis was doing okay with that guy but then he went on CNN and had a meltdown. He said he cracked. Howard said you could see the guys behind him looking like they had made a mistake going there with Dennis. Howard played that clip next. Dennis was talking to Chris Cuomo about why he was over there. Rodman said this was a great idea for the world. Howard said he was calm at first. Rodman was staying calm but started saying that people come down on him. He was very hard to understand. Robin said he's like Hanzi but with a skill.
Howard said he thinks that Kim Jong Un is a fan of Tan Mom too. Howard said she'll be going over there next. Howard said they have to get Dennis on the show. He said now that he's making news they can't get him on. He said you'd think the guy would call into the show that has him on all the time.
Howard played more audio of Dennis and he started to get upset. Howard had a really hard time understanding what he was saying. Robin was getting more than he was so she'd tell him what he was talking about. Howard said these guys that went there with Dennis are willing to overlook how awful this guy Kim Jong Un is. Howard said that Dennis kept harping on how Kim Jong is only 30 years old like that excuses everything. Howard played more of the clip and Chris Cuomo was asking if Dennis understands why people are upset. Dennis said he has 9 guys there and they believe in what he's doing. Howard said some of them looked like they wanted out. Howard let the clip play and Dennis started to break down again. That's when he brought up the fact that he's only 31 years old. Cuomo told him that he killed his uncle and he's holding an American hostage.
Cuomo asked Dennis if he will speak out for Kenneth Bae. Dennis asked if he knows why he's being held. Dennis started to get worked up and started to yell at Cuomo. Cuomo said they have 10 guys there who left their families to help this county with a sports venture. Howard said he should go over and do it low profile. Robin said maybe that was the deal to get publicity. Howard said maybe it's a propaganda piece. Howard said Dennis was talking about this guy who is being held hostage and freaking out about the whole thing. He told Cuomo to look at the guys who were there with him. Cuomo told him not to use those guys as a shield for him. Dennis was yelling at him and mumbling through his rant. Dennis said they have to go back to America and take the abuse. Robin said he's just like Hanzi.
Howard said this guy who is being held in North Korea is there because he had a bible with him. Howard said that's why they think they were upset with him and threw him in jail. Howard said that's what he thinks that was all about. Howard said Zachary Quinto is there so he has to take a break and get to him. Howard said he has a lot of questions for him. He went to break after that.
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Howard asked if Leonard Nimoy had to approve of him. Zachary said that it was more of a consultation than an approval. Howard said he thinks that Zachary is a great actor.
Howard said that his psychiatrist saw Zach in The Glass Menagerie. He said he has to see it. Zach told him to come out and see it. He said he's doing it until February. Howard said he has to get his ass out there and see it. Zach said that it might be the best job he's had. He said he does it for the experience and not for the money. He said he never feels more at home than when he's on stage. He said there's something ritualistic about doing it. He said you do the same thing every night. Howard asked if it ever becomes boring. Zachary said it can get boring. He said that's why you go to school though. He went to Carnegie Mellon. He said it was hard to get into that school. He had to audition.
Howard asked if Heroes was his big break. Zachary said it was. Howard asked if he was surprised that he had to play a villain. Zachary said he wasn't a villain at first. He said he had to show a different side of himself to get the job. Howard said they really screwed that show up. He said the show was a phenomenon when it started. Howard said he was getting all the accolades when it started. Howard said he must have had a shitty contract at first. Zachary said it was more for the experience than anything. Howard said the show had great reviews and it was getting good ratings. Then the show got shitty in the second season. Zachary said it's tough to cultivate a show on network TV like that. He said that it was a huge network tent pole show. He said they don't exist like that now. He said they're more cable shows now.
Howard said the thing that ruined the show was that everyone got super powers. Zachary said the thing that was tough was the writer's strike. He said that impacted the trajectory of the show. He said he thinks it was a 7 or 8 month strike. He said they had to stop. Zachary said he shot Star Trek during the strike. He said he was going to miss some of the show but the strike got him out of that. He said they let him out of his contract to do that movie and he thinks they did that because it was a good thing to have him in it. He said he doesn't think they knew where the series was going either so that was another challenge they had. Zachary said that they ended up breaking their own rules. He said his character died so many times and it became very frustrating. He said they had rules in their world that they broke. He said he had a great time working with the writers of that show though.
Howard asked what he had to go through with the audition. Zachary said he hadn't worked in a long time and he was having a tough time. Howard said it's a miracle that it worked out the way it did for him. Zachary said that it was great. He said that he felt like he won the lottery with the way the whole Star Trek thing worked out. Howard said he has both Heroes and Star Trek to fall back on if he ever has to go to those conventions. Howard asked if it was a life changer. Zachary said it was over time. He said he didn't start on the show until the 8th episode. He said between his first audition and second audition he knew what the character was going to be. He said there was a lot of pressure on him when he went back.
Howard asked how many people he had to audition in front of. Zachary said he did that for the producers because it was going to be a guest star role. He said he wasn't nervous though. Zachary said it was no different auditioning for that than anything else. Howard asked if he can learn lines quickly. Zachary said he has a knack for that. Howard said he figured he did. He said he has a lot of roles where he has a lot of dense material he has to recite. Zachary said he can look at a TV script once or twice and he has it down.
Howard said he has a lot of long dialogs. He said that the Star Trek stuff is pretty scientific. Zachary said he can go into a blocking rehearsal and get it down after a few tries. He said that part of that is with the ease that you say it. Howard said it has to be like real speech.
Howard asked if they have to glue his fingers together to do the Vulcan thing. Zachary said when he started doing the Star Trek thing he had to rubber band his fingers together to get it down. He said it's not as easy as it looks and he had to work on it.
Howard asked if he goes to the conventions. Zachary said you have to be in the right space to do that. He said you have to be willing to sit at a desk for 8 hours. Howard said George Takei and William Shatner have been doing that stuff for years. Zachary said it is a unique insurance policy in ways. He said he's doing other things but he appreciates the Star Trek fans. He said there is some good will among them. Howard said he thought he did a great job in the Star Trek movies. Howard said it has to be tough to step into a role that someone else has already done.
Howard asked if he was upset that he had to audition for JJ Abrams. Zachary said he didn't have to do that. He said it was a pretty minimal audition process actually. Howard said he thought he was terrific in the role. He asked if Leonard told him to do things that Spock would do. Zachary said he didn't. He said that he and Leonard Nimoy have gotten very close actually. Howard said that must be weird for the two Spocks to go out to lunch.
Howard asked where he grew up. Zachary said he grew up in Pittsburgh. He said his father was a photographer and artist. He said he was a musician too. Howard said he wasn't from an acting family though. He said he came up the hard way. Howard said he had a shitty life. Howard said his dad died when he was 7. Zachary said he was just talking to someone about that the other day. He said that you're familiar with death at such a young age and you can integrate it into your life.
Howard asked if he was an angry kid when his dad died. Zachary said he wasn't angry. He said he didn't understand. Howard asked if his mother was good at explaining it to him. Zachary said this was in 1984 and he died from cancer. He said the child psychology thing wasn't bit back then. Zachary said that he was diagnosed with kidney cancer and he had surgery and the cancer came back a year and a half later. Then he died 3 months later.
Howard asked if he wishes his dad was around to show him what he's doing. Zachary said he does think about how incredible it would be to show him but if his dad hadn't died then maybe he wouldn't be where he is now. He said that things shape your life and maybe he wouldn't be where he is now.
Howard asked if he had a father figure growing up. Zachary said that hi brother was like a father figure. He said that he was really good about the whole thing.
Howard asked Zachary about being in a car accident when he was 16. Zachary said he drove too fast and totaled the car. He said no one was injured in the car though. He said that was the first day he drove alone. He said his mother told him to pull it together and figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He said he got some clarity for his life from that conversation.
Howard asked Zachary about going to catholic school and if the whole gay thing was an issue there. He said hew as bullied and he thinks that people knew he was gay. Howard said he doesn't get that from him. Zachary said it may have come out more when he was a child. He said he doesn't think he was a fully integrated person yet and some people may have been looking for weakness and vulnerability. He said he didn't get into a lot of fights. He said he was able to talk his way out of them.
Howard said that Zachary has problems with relationships because of his father dying so young. Howard asked if he just gets the fuck out of relationships. Zachary said that he had a fear of people leaving him and not necessarily dying. He said that he didn't come out until he was 24 so that made things tough too. Howard asked if his family knew. Zachary said that his mom claimed she didn't. He was surprised by that.
Zachary said that he had a lot to learn about relationships because he didn't get it going until he was in his 20s. He said that was part of the relationship problem.
Howard said he read about how he only dated actors. Howard had a list of the people he was rumored to have dated. Howard said he boned a lot of dudes. Robin said maybe he just dated them and didn't bone them. Howard said guys don't just date, they bone. Howard said he can't find the list. He asked if someone stole it from him. He found it a short time later. Howard asked if he dated Colton Haynes from Teen Wolf. Zachary said he didn't. He said he's not sure where this list came from. Howard asked where they got this list from. Zachary said that people just make shit up. He said he knows some of these people but he didn't date them. Howard asked if that upsets him. Zachary said he couldn't care less.
Howard asked why he had to gain 18 pounds for Star Trek. Zachary said that he had to do a fight sequence in the second film so he was bulking up to do that. He said he wasn't just gaining weight to gain weight.
Howard said that the movies must be tough to do. Zachary said there is a lot of prep when you do something like that.
Howard said that they must have roped Zachary into a bad contract for Heroes. Zachary said they all got paid the same thing. He said that he was making okay money. He said it was more than he had made before. He said he did buy a house the minute he could afford to. Howard said it's a miracle to be able to buy a house when you're an actor. He said most people are betting that he won't be able to do it. Zachary said statistically they're not wrong.
Howard asked if he was able to go in on the second season and renegotiate his contract. Zachary said that they were all paid the same thing so they weren't able to do that. They would have had to have banned together to make that happen.
Howard said he read that Chris Pine wanted more money for Star Trek and they said that he got a million and a half to do the second movie. Howard said that's a lot of money for a kid but not for someone like that. Howard said he's the lead guy and he's getting a million and a half. Howard said Zachary must have perked up when he heard that. Howard said he had a dispute with his agent at the time. Zachary said that was a weird day on the set of the movie. He said Chris is a private guy and he respects that. He said it's uncomfortable when that is dragged through the Hollywood Reporter. Howard said that was good for him and now he knew what he was making. Zachary said it was good in a way. He said that some of the guys had done other movies before so they might get more money. He said he was the first actor cast on the film so they had him over a barrel. Zachary sad that they signed a 3 picture deal. Howard asked if he signed for more than a million. Zachary said he didn't want to say. Howard asked if he got less than a million and a half. Zachary said it was. He said he's motivated by that though. He said it's the long game you have to play when you're in the business. He said he can continue to work in other ways and make more money. He said that he can do other things and that can be lucrative too. He said salary is one thing. Howard wondered why he's pissed off for Zach.
Howard said he thinks that Zachary will have a long career. He said he's very diverse. He said that Zachary came out and didn't tell anyone he was doing it. Howard said living a closeted life is torturous. He said it just sucks. Howard said he must have debated it for a long time. Zachary said he did. He said he did it in good ways though. He said he was never hasty about it. He said the thing he has is that it was his decision the way he executed it and the way he did it. Howard asked what he did. Zachary said he was giving a profile interview for a magazine and it was the last one he did. He said he referred to himself as a gay man in the article twice and that's all he did.
Howard said he's honored to meet him for doing that. He said that there are people who want to rip his heart out over that kind of thing and it's so ridiculous. He said there are so many things to worry about in this world and that's not one of the things they should be upset about.
Robin asked if it's had any effect on his career. Zachary said he's doing exactly what he wants to do. He said if it has had an effect then he's not aware of it. He said that in the future he thinks that they'll be able to look back on this and see that they were just on their way. He said that things have radically changed over the years. Howard said George Takei came flying out of the closet and now he's gone crazy.
Howard asked if his agent freaked out when the article came out. Zachary said he had told him about it before it came out.
Robin asked if he's in a relationship. Zachary said he is. Howard said the guy is a model. Howard asked if a non-model can get him. Zachary said not now. He said no other guy can get him now. Howard asked if he can be at the wedding. Zachary said he can if he wants to be. He said the whole marriage equality thing is going on and he doesn't know what that holds for him in his life. He said that he isn't at that place where his friends are doing that. Howard asked if he dated any women. Zachary said he did in high school. He didn't have any sex though. Howard said he's a pure blood then. Howard said he isn't missing out on much. Howard said Zachary is happy.
Howard said he doesn't understand something with his production company. He had it before Heroes. Zachary said it all happened after Heroes and Star Trek. He said this movie Banshee Chapter is his own movie. Howard asked if he plays anything in it. Zachary said he just produced it. He's not in it. Howard said he wants to produce some stuff and he doesn't want to have to read anything. Zachary said you do have to read some stuff. Howard said he had 9 projects in development at one time and he ended up closing down his production company. He said it was starting to grow and he had to shut it down. He said he's reading a book now he'd like to get made into something so he's thinking about going back.
Howard asked if Zachary has a deal with a movie studio. Zachary said they actually produce it first and then go to a few movie studios and ask to get the movie distributed. Howard asked what caught his eye about this movie. Zachary told him about it and Howard said he knows something about it. He said these people take a drug and then they disappear. Zachary said it's about one guy who disappears. Howard asked when it comes out. Zachary said it's out on Friday but it's actually on VOD right now. He said you can watch it now if you want to.
Howard said that they were able to make this movie pretty cheap. Zachary said they were able to do it for under a million. He said that you can be very resourceful and make it for under a million. He said it's a ''found footage'' film. Howard asked what that is. Robin explained what that is. Howard said he's a producer so he knew what he meant.
Howard said he seems so calm about it. He asked if he's worried about the box office. Zachary said that he feels like the only way it can go is that people either watch it or not. He said he loved making the film and it's good either way. He said he will be tracking how the film does. Howard said he's tracking. He said he wishes he had something to track.
Robin said he made Marching Call so he had to track that too. Zachary said that did pretty good. Howard said he has to go see Zachary in the Glass Menagerie. Howard said his shrink saw it and told him he has to see it. Howard said he has to go.
Howard asked if Zachary is in therapy. Zachary said he does go two days a week. He said he has a 2 hour session and a one hour session. Howard said he goes 3 days a week but he used to go 4. Zachary said his shrink came to the show. He said he didn't know she came until weeks later when he was talking about it.
Howard asked if he does anything for fun. Zachary said he's getting out of town soon. Howard told him about going to Jennifer Aniston's house in Cabo. He said he really likes Justin Theroux. He said that guy is in good shape and he's sure Zachary would go out with him. Howard said he would even go out with him. Howard said they had a good time down there. Howard asked if he's going to Hawaii. Zachary said maybe. Howard asked if he wears a thong. Zachary said he wears shorts.
Howard asked if he shaves his chest hair. Zachary said he never does. He said he may trim below the waist. Howard said he looks like he's going through Chemo down there. He said he needs someone to trim for him down there. Howard said he would never show his penis to anyone though. He said he has a small penis. Zachary said he's sorry to hear that. Howard asked if he would be attracted to a man like him. Zachary said he doesn't go out with all models. He said that it's not all about looks. Howard said for him it is. Zachary said that it is a good place to start. Howard said that he looks like the Elephant Man. He said he wants to play that part on Broadway.
Howard asked Zachary about going on this trip. Zachary said he went to Peru last time. He said he hiked the Inca trail there. He said it took him 3 and a half days. He did the Ayahuasca thing there. Zachary said he remembers reading that Robin did that. Howard asked why he would go through that. Zachary said he was in the jungle for 12 days down there. Robin said she did the Ayahuasca thing 3 times. Howard said he can't imagine doing that with some kooky shamen. Robin said she made it out. Zachary said that it's not something to take lightly. Howard said you could get very sick from it. Zachary said the sickness you get is actually the purging. He said he went into it prepared and he trusted his instincts the whole way. Howard said it's a hallucinogen given to you by some jungle guy. Zachary said that it's a powerful and primitive history.
Howard asked what happens. Zachary said that he took a journey and things were revealed to him that only he can understand. He said there were negative aspects of that experience that he left in the jungle. He said that there were things that he will never have to deal with those things again. He said he's referring to grief and trauma that he won't have to deal with again. Zachary said that he has forgiveness and passion for himself after all of that. He said it's not a drug, it's medicine. He said it's healing in a medical and spiritual way. He said the Shamen are gifted and they're there to serve. Robin said she had the same experience. Howard said Robin threw her body out of whack. Robin said she would go back. Howard said she will never do it again. Howard said she's lucky to be alive and he'll kill her if she ever goes again. Howard said she had the ultimate trip.
Howard said Zachary is a great guy and a great actor. Howard said he could talk to him all day. Zachary said he hopes to see him at the theater before he's done in February. Robin said she wants to go too. Howard said they're going to do it.
Howard gave Zachary a plug for his movie ''The Banshee Chapter'' and said you can get it on Video On Demand or go see it in the theaters.
Howard asked if Zachary smokes weed. Zachary said he does that once in a while. Howard asked if he gets medical weed. Zachary said his friends do. He said his leg hurts though so he could get medical marijuana. Howard said he can't handle it. He said he gets too paranoid. Howard asked if he's done the candy buttons. Zachary said that it's a body high. Howard said he might have to try it then. Zachary said you feel it more. He said it can be overwhelming though. He said you have to be in the right environment.
Robin asked what it was like working with Benedict Cumberbatch. Zach said it was great. He said he's very talented. Howard asked if he's ever been in a movie with someone who is just shitty. Zach said he hasn't yet. He said that so far things have been fine. Howard asked if you can develop acting skills or is it something you're born with. Zach said he thinks that it's something you're born with. He said things are tough these days in the acting field. He said that you still need to learn to act but it's tough out there. He said he thinks that people aren't concerned with talent as much as they were 15 years ago. Howard asked if he's upset that Kim Kardashian is the most popular woman in the world. Zachary said he's not mad about it but he does feel bad for the world. Howard said there's nothing to admire there with people like that.
Howard said he's not going to hold him there anymore. He said he looks like he needs a vacation. Howard gave him some more plugs for the movie and for the Broadway play. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thought he had to do a commercial. Howard said he was in there talking to Joe and Tom. They did an auction thing where they bid on sitting in the studio. Howard said they're in there getting their prize. Howard welcomed them. Howard asked where they're from. They were from New Jersey. Howard said that's Joe and Tom. Howard said they must be animal lovers. They said they're Howard Stern lovers.
Howard said they can sit and stare at them. Howard said they gave to a good cause. He asked what they do for a living. One was a lawyer and the other was a chef at the Gladstone Tavern in Gladstone, New Jersey. Howard said he could talk to these guys all day long but they have to get to the news.
Howard said he wanted to thank Zachary Quinto for coming in. He said he had a lot of other stuff he wanted to get to today. He said he had a DMX interview he wanted to play. He said he's a good interview.
Howard said he was going to talk about The Bachelor but he can wait. He said he should play this one clip though. He said if you want to learn what not to do in front of a dude, just listen to this clip. Howard said when you're with a guy for the first time, don't tell him your life story. Howard said you should shut up a little bit. Howard said they think they can tell this story to a guy like the guy is their daddy. Howard said the guy hears that and they want out. Howard played the clip and the contestant was telling The Bachelor about her insecurities. Howard said it gets worse. Howard said she's droning on about her insecurities. She was telling Juan Pablo about this guy she dated and how he had a son. She said that it was this absurd thing for her. Howard said this is already trouble. He said there are alarms going off in his head. Robin said they should have been playing the theme from Jaws during that discussion. Howard said they did have music so people won't tune out. Howard said he would have turned to her and told her that he'd never dump her because they're never going to date.
Howard said Juan Pablo just wants to put his penis inside her. Howard said she got the boot from the show. He said she couldn't believe she was kicked off. Howard said this is a guy who can date 27 different women and she's broken up over him after just meeting the guy. Howard said you can't get attached to a guy so quickly. Howard said she's imagining a life with the guy 15 minutes after meeting him. Howard said she can't be very discriminating. Howard played the audio of this woman talking about being kicked off the show. Howard said he found her to be a bore. Howard said she just met the guy and she's that broken up. He said she shouldn't be that broken up.
Howard said 5 minutes after breaking up with him she looked at the limo driver and asked if he was dating anyone. He wasn't so now she's engaged to him.
Howard said people are so damaged and they love going on TV and showing it. Howard said he'd be fine if he met someone that didn't want to date him after 15 minutes.
Howard asked one of the guys sitting in if he's a trial lawyer. The guy said he is. Howard asked what kind of trials he has. He said it's patent litigation. Howard said that sounds interesting. The guy said if he says so... Howard said he must make a good living. The guy said he does okay.
Howard said he has another clip of a different chick on The Bachelor. Howard said this woman sees a life with Juan Pablo after 5 minutes with him. Robin said there is something called ''love at first sight.'' Howard played the clip and the woman was crying after getting kicked off the show. She was talking about picturing her life with him and her heart was breaking. Howard said she's cuckoo. Howard said this country is filled with maniacs. Howard said this is what's out there. He said you don't know what's in people's heads. Howard said he learns a lot from these reality shows. Howard said he thanks God for his wife.
Gary told Howard that this is a contest entry song. He said he entered the contest with that song. He said he's entering with people who have never written songs. Howard said Jackie was never comfortable being successful. He said he thinks he likes being down trodden. Howard said he was on a major radio show making major money and he's happy entering contests that he's going to lose. Howard said he probably won't get the most votes in the contest. Howard asked what the fuck this is. He played more of the song and read the email about it. He said that the winner gets their song mixed and recorded by someone he'd never heard of. Howard said Jackie couldn't handle having a good life. He said on some level this is what he wanted. He said he has to enter a contest to get his song produced. Howard said this is sad. Robin agreed. Howard said he saw Jackie at the Christmas Party and he should have asked how his voting was going.
Howard said working for the show was just too much for Jackie. He said that he must have hated flying around on private jets and eating shrimp. He played more of his song and wondered what these guys are going to do with the song if they get a hold of it. Howard wondered what Jackie was expecting to get with this song. Howard said that is breaking news and lead story worthy.
Howard said there are no stories bigger than that. Robin said there are. She had Howard play a clip about Dennis Rodman being over in North Korea. Robin said she thought she had Dennis Rodman singing happy birthday to Kim Jong Un. She actually did. Howard played that clip too. Rodman was singing Happy Birthday to the leader of North Korea. Howard said he's singing to a guy who is like Hitler. Howard said the guy killed his uncle and Dennis is singing to him. At one point it sounds like he was singing ''dear Master'' but it wasn't a clear recording. Howard said that's a bad move for a black man if that's what he sang. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more news about the Dennis Rodman thing. She had a clip of someone from the State Department commenting on Rodman's visit and how we still have issues with Kim Jong Un.
Robin read about Alex Trebek rapping a whole category on the show last night. Howard had a clip of that to play. Howard said he sounds kind of like Jon Leiberman when he raps. Howard wondered if anyone knew the answers to the questions in the rap category. Robin said she thinks they may have. Gary said the guys who saw it said that it was a middle aged white woman who ran the whole category.
Robin read about Ryan Seacrest's new iPhone keyboard that is involved in a patent infringement case. Robin had some audio of Ryan on Jimmy Fallon's show talking about the new keyboard. Robin said Blackberry is trying to keep the keyboard from coming out. Jon Hein came in and told Howard about the keyboard and how it works like a regular Blackberry keyboard over the iPhone. Howard said Ryan Seacrest wants to be the next Dick Clark. He said he's sticking a keyboard on an iPhone and calling himself an inventor. Robin asked if the attorney they have in the studio can comment. Howard asked him and the guy said that he can't comment because Blackberry is a client. Howard said having Blackberry as a client sounds like cha-ching.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Crackle.com and they ran the preview for his Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and they have Jay Leno this season too. He asked if Howard had any comments about that. Howard said he must be smoking weed. He said he doesn't care if Jay Leno is doing the show. Howard asked what he's implying. Howard said Jerry interviews famous comedians and Jay is a comedian. Howard said life is too short to worry about that. Howard asked what kind of dumb question that was. He said sometimes people just want to hear themselves. He said that guy is a loser. He said he's not skeeved out by that at all. Howard said he doesn't care.
Robin read a story about the creator of Beanie Babies and how he's in trouble for allegedly not paying taxes. Howard said that people get crazy. He said they get angry over taxes. He said if you're paying taxes then you're doing well. He said you have to pay in to live in this country. Howard asked where else you can make a stupid thing like Beanie Babies and become a billionaire. Howard said most toys are shit and this guy lucks out and makes billions. Howard said you just pay your taxes and you'll have plenty left over. Howard said people are dopes. He said that a couple million bucks could have saved him from getting in trouble. Robin said he's going to be sentenced later this month in Chicago. Howard asked how much he made exactly. Robin said they just say he's a billionaire. Howard said it's so stupid.
Robin read about some of the products coming out of the CES show in Las Vegas. Robin said they had a big screen TV that's 70 inches and bendable on demand. Howard asked who cares. Robin said she doesn't know. Robin said Sony is taking games to the cloud on their PS4. Robin said they'll have a service called Playstation Now. Robin said they'll have streaming games on PS4. Robin said you'll be able to stream instead of get a disk. Howard said that means you'll be paying a monthly fee. Robin said they had a cool looking headset from 50 Cent. Robin said they have some Star Wars theme headsets coming out from his company. Howard said it sounds like there's nothing great out there.
Robin read about the BAFTA awards nominations and had some audio of the announcements. They went through a few of the main categories.
Robin read about how Lorde will be performing on the Grammys this year. Robin ran down a list of some other performers that will be there.
Robin read about how the temperatures should get into the 20s there today. Robin said the temperature in Central Park was 4 degrees. She said it broke a record from 1896 of 6 degrees. Robin said that the mayor is urging people to stay indoors with the temperatures so low. Robin said some homeless people are refusing to go into shelters even in that cold. Robin read about one man who is taking refuge in a freezer. Robin said the freezer is at 10 below but the wind chill outside is -40 so it's warmer in the freezer.
Robin read about the violence going on in Iraq and how some people are blaming President Obama. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about that.
Robin read about Young Jeezy being in trouble for allegedly throwing his son against a shower door and threatening to kill him. Robin said they don't say how old the child is. Robin said you have to be careful what you say to your child.
Robin said Ringo Starr has a song in a Power Puff Girls show. Robin had some audio of that. Robin said he's animated in the show and he's voicing one of the characters in the show.
Robin said that the war on poverty is still going on. Robin said they want to fight it further and she wondered what Howard thinks they should do. Howard said that sounds like the war on drugs and that didn't work out so well. Robin said that there are still a lot of people living below the poverty line and she's not sure what the government wants to do about it.
Robin read about Lindsey Vonn announcing that she's done everything she can and she just can't get strong enough to compete in the Olympics. Robin wrapped up her news after that. Howard ended the show around 10:15am after thanking the guys for donating money to get in there.
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Jon went over a few more things he wanted to cover. He said that Jackie has a new song out and Robin revealed that today. Jon said it was to enter a contest and he knows Gary was disappointed by the whole thing. Gary said he loves Jackie and he gets along with him just fine. He said Jackie has a career and he does stand up. He said this contest thing seems beneath Jackie. He said he could get that song produced no problem. He said it's a goof but Jackie could get that done. He said whenever they'd go out Jackie would stick one of his stickers on the wall of the bathroom. He said he's above that though. Jon asked if he's diminishing his brand or is that who Jackie is. Gary said he can still do that stuff but that contest is for people who are looking for their break and he's already had that break.
Jon told Benjy he has to watch the Godfather. Benjy said Gary gave it to him and he has seen some parts of it. Gary said he gave him the trilogy. He said he has to watch it from beginning to end. Jon said he should watch one and two but he can pass on 3. Jon said Benjy and Ralph are like the only people who haven't seen it. He said he knows Ralph won't watch it because he's just trying to keep up that whole thing. Jon said Ralph thinks that Goodfellas is the best movie and he's not willing to change. Gary said you can't say that if you haven't seen The Godfather.
Gary said he has a personal affinity for Godfather 2 because it reminds him of his father and going to the San Gennaro festival when he was a kid.
Jon and Gary talked about how good Godfather 1 and 2 were and how everyone hates 3. They really like 2. Steve said he thinks that it's pretty awesome.
Jon brought up Zachary Quinto and how serious he is as an actor. He said that he was great in Star Trek. Gary said he has to make a confession now. He said he has never seen any of the Star Trek movies in their entirety. Jon said he has to watch the Wrath of Kahn. Gary said he will do that.
Jon said that Howard got into it with Zachary about doing Heroes and how much he got paid on Star Trek. He found out what Chris Pine was making on the set when it came out in the paper. Gary said he gets what he was saying about taking the part and maybe not getting paid as much as you'd like because you could make money on the side doing other things. He said that he thinks that if you put in the work it will pay off.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up some Star Trek stuff. He said he thinks that Gary can see the second movie and skip the first one. Jon said that Ricardo Montalban is great in the movie. He said he has to see it. Gary said he watched some of the series as a kid but he didn't want to watch it. He said his brother and father watched it but he found it painful to get through.
Jon took a call from a guy who agreed with Gary about them being painful but some of the movies are good. He said they have to see some of them in the theater though. The caller was telling Benjy about some of the movies he has to see just for the experience. Gary asked Benjy if there are some major films he hasn't seen. Benjy said there are. He wasn't sure about some movies. He said he doesn't remember movies like the rest of them do.
Jon asked what movies he's loved. Benjy said he loved Animal House, The Blues Brothers and things like that. He said he hasn't seen Inception or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and a few others. Benjy said he was getting into it about a year ago. He said he wanted to learn all of these movies and he just didn't get into all of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big Jon Hein fan. He said he knows he had some kind of seizure or stroke when he brought up some stuff. He said that Harold Ramis didn't direct Animal House. He said that was John Landis. He had some other things wrong about the Star Trek movies. Jon didn't think he was wrong about Kirstie Alley being in the first Star Trek movie. Gary looked it up and found out she's in the second one. Jon was wrong then. Jon said he must have blocked her out. They went to break a short time later.
The caller said that he had to lie to get on the phone because he was frustrated. He said he thought he had a chance today. He said it's the biggest ticket in history. Jon told him to call in on Monday and try again.
Jon said that Leonard Nimoy will always be Spock. He said that Zachary is good but it's tough to take over a role like that. He said he thought he did a good job though. Gary asked if he's upset with the new Star Trek movies. Jon said he's not. He said he's a big fan of the new films. He said there will never be another Kirk because you identify him by William Shatner.
Gary said they made a black Honeymooners movie and there are some things that just don't lend themselves to being remade. He said he's not sure he'd even want a new white Honeymooners.
Jon talked about what Gary got Howard for his birthday. It was that Neil Young CD. Gary said he heard the recording and got it for Christmas. He went out and got two more copies because his brother is into him and so is Howard. He said he put it in his car and he just loves it. He said Neil has such a unique voice. Gary said his son Lucas says he has a weird voice but he likes it and that's what makes it so great.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they didn't give out any birthday show tickets today. Gary said they did not. The caller asked if he could win. Gary and Jon said they don't have any to give.
Gary said he knows that people are going to call in and say that he's cheap for just buying a CD for Howard. He said he knows Howard isn't going to throw that in a wood chipper though. He said that it was something he can use. Gary said one year he got Howard a nose hair trimmer and he ended up hating it. He said he kept it and used it years later. Gary said the next year he gave him the best of Chris Rock on Saturday Nigh Live. He said Howard hated that because even Chris says he sucked on SNL.
Gary said he got Howard an old dictionary and Howard almost threw that in the chipper that year. He said Artie swooped in and saved it. He said Artie had him look to see if the N-word was in there and it was. There were other gifts that Howard has ripped up and destroyed over the years. They went to break after talking about a couple of those.
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Jon said that Howard has been embracing technology lately. He said that he's getting Crayons to do his mind mapping too. Gary said he's glad Howard is getting into it. He said he used to have an attitude where he didn't want to deal with it at all. He said there was a learning curve that he didn't want to be involved with. Now he's getting into it. Benjy said he thought the mind mapping thing was really cool.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wants to reach through the radio and punch Howard in the face when he talks about tech. He said that he doesn't need a second iPod. He said he can check a box on the files he's listening to that tells it to play where you left off. Gary said he has an iPod in his car to do that and it leaves it where he left it off.
Jon said that Howard is behind on some stuff but he's alright with some of the stuff. The caller said that it doesn't take that long to learn this stuff. He said it's maddening to hear him talking about it. The caller said Howard is so far away from getting it. Jon said they'll pass along his tip to Howard.
Gary said they've gotten so lazy that they just order things on Amazon instead of walking down the block to get something.
Jon said Howard tried playing ''Love The One You're With'' today. He said you know something fun is going to happen when he picks that guitar up. Gary said he was expecting to hear the usual songs like ''Love The One You're With'' and things like that.
Steve said that Howard was pretty good with that. He thought it was going to be a lot worse. Jon said the guitar sounded pretty good too. Jon said they had to wrap things up. Gary said that he and Jon are going to be broadcasting from the CES Show on Friday. Gary said they're thinking about taking the Wrap Up Show on the road so this is their test show. They ended the show around 11:00am.
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