|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how he was explaining to Gary why he supports A-Rod. Fred said he thinks he's getting a raw deal too. Howard said that he has a theory about this A-Rod thing. He said you can look at him and know he does juice. He said you can look at half the players and see that. Howard said this is a way that management gets out of paying talent for what they do. Howard said that's what Clear Channel did to him. He said they saw him as a liability and they wanted out of the contract. Howard said it's the same with A-Rod.
Howard wondered where Robin was and got a note saying she was late getting to her mic. Robin said she was there though.
Howard said the Yankees are looking at A-Rod's contact saying they want out and they're going to blame it all on steroids. Howard said you can test everyone in the game and take them all out. He said that they'd have to take out half of the players but they can't do that. Howard said they have all kinds of clauses in the contracts so they can get out.
Robin asked why MLB isn't helping. Howard said the MLB is the owners. Howard said he doesn't care about A-Rod but he sees that they're trying to get him out of his contract. Howard said most of these guys are on juice but they look the other way most of the time. Howard said it's all about management getting out of a contract. Robin said they can even go to jail over something like that. Howard said that you have to be a super genius to see how they're going to shit on you.
Howard said Gary doesn't agree with him but Fred does. Howard said Gary says that he's guilty because he's breaking all of the rules. Howard said that they are choosing to enact the rules to get out of the contract though. Fred said that he's been getting away with it for years. He said now all of the fans are booing him.
Gary said that Andy Petit was honest and stopped doing it and he served his penalty. He said he did that and he was done. Howard said they are going after this guy because of the amount of that contract. Howard said if they were happy about the way he was playing then they wouldn't be going after him. He said they let him get away with it for 5 years before going after him. Gary said that there are other guys who went through this and they came back. Howard said it's a money deal. He said that's enough of this anyway. He said he wants them to do away with baseball all together.
Ronnie said Howie came in with that thing in a bag. He said he was pretending he was scared of a snake. Howard asked why he didn't run toward him. Ronnie said there was no danger. Howard said he should have come to him.
Howard asked if Ronnie has a new Superman tattoo. Ronnie said that's true. Howard said he isn't even a Superman fan. Ronnie said he loves Superman. He said he has the new Superman logo. He said he got it for his girlfriend Stephanie. He said there's something in there for her. It's a letter C. It's her initials, SC. Howard laughed. Ronnie said he likes the logo. He said he used to read Superman. Howard asked Ronnie some Superman questions and Ronnie didn't know a bunch of them.
Howard said he's shocked. He said he doesn't get why he'd get a logo like that if he's not into Superman. Ronnie said he just likes the logo. Howard asked Ronnie simple questions about Superman and Ronnie really doesn't know anything about Superman.
Howard asked to see the tattoo. Ronnie said he doesn't want to take his clothes off. Howard told him to just do it. It's on his shoulder. Robin saw it and said ''Oh Jesus Christ...'' Howard gave it a ''Wow'' and asked how that's for Stephanie. Howard said he's covering his whole body in tattoos. Howard said it's a very nice tattoo. Ronnie said he thinks the guy did a great job. Howard said Ronnie used to have the Playboy logo on his limo. He asked why he doesn't have that as a tattoo. Ronnie said he's not into that.
Howard said Ronnie knows nothing about Superman. Ronnie said he liked the TV show. Howard asked him some questions about the show but Ronnie didn't remember anything. He asked why he has to know anything about him. Howard asked a bunch of questions about the show but Ronnie didn't remember and he didn't care that he didn't remember. He did know a couple of names like Lois Lane and Perry White. Howard asked what City they worked in. Ronnie didn't know. Howard asked if he can recite the opening to the show. Ronnie said he could do that. He recited some of the opening to the TV show. Then he asked what the hell is wrong with Howard.
Howard said he likes the Batman logo on his face. He said he approves of that. Howard said he's not into Superman though. He said if he did it for his girlfriend you don't get the logo as Superman. Ronnie said he wanted to do something different. Howard said the S has nothing to do with Stephanie. Ronnie said to him it does. He said the guy put the C in the middle for her. Howard said it doesn't say Stephanie. Ronnie said to her it means a lot. Howard said that's because he badgers her. Ronnie said he does not.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie got a new car. He asked what he got. Ronnie asked if he has to say what he got. Howard said he doesn't. Ronnie said he got a Dodge SRT8. Fred said that's a very fast car. Ronnie said it's a very fast sedan. He said Chuck Zito saw it and really liked it. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about that car and talking about the Hemi V8 in the car.
Howard asked if the S stands for Stephanie in the SRT. Ronnie said that it does not. Howard said the 8 stands for turning 80. Howard said he knows that Ronnie cares about Stephanie but he doesn't think the Superman S stands for Stephanie. Howard said that would be like saying that his dragon tattoo stands for Beth. Ronnie said that he doesn't have her initials in there though. Howard laughed at that explanation.
Robin said when she saw Howard's B she knew it was for Beth. She said that Ronnie has to explain his tattoo.
Howard said the MTV VJ Kennedy just wrote a book and she wrote a chapter about how she was a fan of the show and how it changed her life. Howard said she writes about how she didn't know what to make of the show since they were talking to each other. Howard said that Ronnie's thought process fascinates him. He said that this might be the greatest thing ever. Howard said that Stephanie can't like this thing. Howard said she's afraid to tell him that she doesn't like it. Ronnie said she's not afraid to tell him that she doesn't like something. Howard said trying to argue with him is impossible. He said that's why she won't tell him.
Howard asked if he's going to get more tattoos. Ronnie said he is going to get some more. He said he wants to finish off the skull tattoo with more stuff. He said the artist thinks it's not finished enough. He said there's more they can do with it.
Howard asked what this cost him. Ronnie said it was 300 bucks. He said he was in the chair for 3 hours. Howard asked if he hit any moles. Ronnie said he did hit one. Ronnie said the funny thing was that it was 300 bucks and he had a gift certificate that Stephanie gave him for $250. He said she paid for most of it so that's funny. Howard and Robin didn't see what was so funny about that. Howard said he thinks that this is enough of this.
Ronnie said that he brought his car home and his son saw it and went out and got one himself. He thought that was funny too. Howard said Ronnie is like Walter White on Breaking Bad. Howard asked what a car like that goes for. Ronnie said that it was about $49,000 all loaded up. He said it's a nice car. He said it's in Gunmetal grey.
Howard said he has more Ronnie stuff to play. He asked Gary where that is. JD came in and goofed on Ronnie about the tiny C in the Superman logo. Howard asked JD where the clips are. JD said he'd have to ask Gary. Howard finally found one of the clips he was talking about. It was Ronnie clips in a Superman movie clip. He was arguing with General Zod.
Howard played another clip that was supposed to be Ronnie having an orgasm. Howard asked where that came from. Ronnie said they have to ask Richard. Gary said he did ask Richard. He said that Richard asked him to make the sound to record it. Howard said he has Ronnie orgamsming with a guy too. He played that clip next. They had mixed a dude cumming with Ronnie's fake orgasm clip.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked what year his car is. Ronnie said it's a 2013. King said that they're changing it in 2015. Ronnie said that's 2 years from now. King said the car is already old. Howard said Ronnie doesn't know if he'll be around in a few months. Ronnie said that everyone hates him. He said the Wack Pack hates him and they can't stand him. He said he's a phony and a piece of shit. He said he was talking to Mariann the other night and no one digs this guy. He said he's an asswipe.
King asked Howard if he likes him. Howard said he odes. King said that's all that matters. King told Ronnie that sometimes your girl will tell you they like something when they don't. Ronnie said that's what his wife is doing when he's sucking on her feet. He said that locking your wife up in the house is wrong too. He said there's something going on over there. Howard said Ronnie has had his work out for the morning. Howard wrapped up with Ronnie and said he can go.
Howard said he wore a vest and tie the other night and every person he knows was telling him how good he looked. He said he was a fashion hit. Howard said he almost looked attractive.
Howard said that people are upset with the schedule they have now. Howard said that they're taking Wednesday's off while AGT is live. Howard said they'll be back to the regular schedule when that's done.
Howard said he was watching the Teen Choice Awards last night. He said he was fast forwarding through a lot of it. Robin said that's what she has to do too. Howard said they were talking about Twerking and he didn't know what that was. He said it's where you shake your ass and wear pajama bottoms or something. Howard said JD was all upset about it. He said it started with chicks who have big fat asses. He said it started in strip clubs and JD is all upset about it.
JD came in and said Twerking is basically a girl moving her hips up and down. He said it makes the ass jiggle. He said he likes that. He said he likes a nice ass and when a girl can move it. JD said he saw it on the Teen Choice Awards which is for 17 and under usually. He said they were doing the world's biggest twerking thing and he doesn't get why they'd do that with kids basically. Howard said he heard that this morning and didn't know anyone cared. JD said it's ridiculous. He said people complain about kids being sexualized too soon and then they put this on a kid's show on a network.
Howard took a call from Bobo but interrupted him and said that he has to play a bunch of Baba Booeys from the golf tournament that was on this weekend. He said he tried to get into it on Twitter with Ian Poulter when he complained about all of the ''Baba Boo'' stuff that was happening this weekend. Howard said he corrected him and tried to get into it with him but he didn't respond.
Bobo asked if he's going to fill in for Matt Lauer with that offer NBC gave him. Howard said he knew he wrote that question down and he was reading it. Bobo said he has to write it down to remember it. Bobo said that he's going to be in the newspapers. Howard wondered if they should ignore that story. Bobo said that it's about his 37 years of working at the USPS with the driving stuff. Bobo said he's the instructor of the year. Howard asked how they pick that person. Bobo said they take input from his classes and the amount of work he does above and behind. Howard said they must not have polled the kids who threw gum in his toupee. Bobo said they would torture him.
Howard said the funny thing is that kids are usually nice to a driving instructor because they want their license. Howard asked if he'd walk around with gum in his hair all day. Bobo said that he did that a few times. He said it really was torture. Howard said he had to be the laughing stock. Howard asked what else they put in his hair. Bobo said they would but mayonnaise packets and mustard. He said they'd squirt it all over his back. Howard just laughed. Howard said he'd love to see that on tape.
Howard asked what it costs to get that stuff out of a toupee. Bobo said it costs a lot. He said it could be a buck and a quarter. He said it's expensive. Howard said it is. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine seeing him walking around with that stuff on his back and in his hair. Robin said people must have laughed. Bobo said that kids like goofing around like that.
Howard asked Bobo if he would get it cleaned and then have it happen the next day. Bobo said they've actually ruined his hair piece. He said he would fail those kids. He said he's caught some kids. He said it didn't happen all the time but it did happen sporadically.
Howard asked how long he'd have to wait for a new one. Bobo said they keep a spare on hand for stuff like this. Howard asked how long it takes to weave it into his head. Bobo said it takes about an hour and 15 to do everything.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a radio show where they used clips of Bobo talking about having a lesion on his liver. The audio of Bobo was from a voice mail he left for the show when he thought he was dying.
Howard said Bobo is all fixed up now. He doesn't have any more lesions. Howard said that they have a gallery of Ronnie's tattoos up on HowardStern.com now.
Bobo said he had one more thing. He said that guy on AGT deserves the million dollars. Howard said he doesn't think it's in the bag yet. He said you have to come up with stuff every week. Bobo said that they have that guy who gets smacked on the stomach coming up this week. He asked how someone gets through the screeners like that. Howard said he didn't like the guy but the other judges did.
Bobo asked if he's going to do the Matt Lauer thing. Howard said he was going to do it but he canceled it. Howard said he was going to sit in for Matt but then he found out that Mel B was going to do an hour and then Elvis Duran was doing it the next day. Howard said he thought it was a special honor but it's not. He said it was like he was host of the hour or something. He said he canceled it. Howard said he thought it was special but it wasn't.
Howard said NBC wants him to do promotion but he's doing so much already. He said on Tuesday evenings he's doing press. He said that they do that before the show airs. He said people will ask him about other things and not even about AGT. Howard said the promotion doesn't even work. Howard said they interview you for half an hour and they ask about Simon Cowell's baby. Howard said that's what they ask you about right away. Howard said he told them that he should wear a rubber. Howard said that you don't believe someone when they say they're on the pill. Howard said she was a married woman so on some level he must have wanted the baby. Howard said he'd wear a rubber even if she was on the pill.
Gary said that Jason was saying that the woman said she can't have babies. Howard said he'd still wear a rubber. Gar said that he was with her for four years. Howard said the guy must fuck like a rabbit. Howard said he's pollinating anyone he can get his hands on. Howard said he's a wealthy dude and you can't trust anyone.
Howard said he works for Simon but he doesn't know anything about the guy. Howard said he's not sure why they ask him about this stuff at these press events. Howard said he should take a break. He said they've been yapping away for an hour. Howard said he should get one of those pregnancy outfits and show up to AGT saying he's pregnant with Simon's baby. He said he never makes the show about him though. He said he'd never do that. Howard said he's such a good judge though. They went to break after that.
The caller asked what Howard thinks of Art Bell coming to Sirius XM. Howard said he has never heard his show but he knows people enjoy it. Howard said the more subscribers they can bring in the more successful they'll be. Howard said he's all for it if they bring in subscribers.
The caller asked how he can't believe in UFOs. He said he has seen them himself. Howard said they don't exist. Robin said maybe he's just crazy.
Howard said he can't believe he doesn't have to dye his hair. He said he once put blue in his hair and it was such a pain in the ass. He said he's very lucky that he doesn't have to dye it. Howard said Fred went all grey and he looks good. Fred said people have told him not to dye it so he doesn't do it. He said his wife is one. He said she wants him to keep it grey.
Howard said his wife told him that he should color it if he needs to but he's very lucky he doesn't have to. Howard said he's very lucky to have that hair and that body. He said he's super hot. Robin laughed.
Howard said they have a bunch of Golf clips to play. He said the PGA Championship was going on and it's a big deal. Gary said that this was going to be Tiger's tournament but he ended up just sucking. Howard said there were a bunch of Baba Booey shout outs and it was so annoying to Ian Poulter that he tweeted out complaining about it. Howard said that they have to stop all of the other yelling and just do the Baba Booey thing. Howard said one of the things they yell out is Mashed Potatoes. Howard played a clip of someone yelling that out. Howard said that the announcers don't say anything when they yell out the Baba Booey thing. Howard said that he had to correct Ian when he tweeted out the ''Baba Boo'' thing. Howard said he had to tell him that it was Baba Booey. Howard said now that he's said that he's going to get more Baba Booeys.
Howard played some of the Baba Booey clips. He had one that was a good one but not quite loud enough. He had a second one that he thought was a good one. The third one was a really loud one to Tiger. Howard said there were at least 10 that they counted. Howard played another quick Baba Booey. Howard said he'd give it a 5 out of 10. Robin gave it a 7. Fred gave it a 6. Howard played another one that was a nice loud one. Howard said that was an 8. He said it wasn't that clear. He said it was loud though.
Howard played another one that was a Baba Booey over some other yells. Howard said that was an 8 or a 9. Howard said he's looking forward to the days when the announcers start rating them. He played another one and it was a 10 to Howard. Howard said that was worth a replay. Howard replayed the clip and it sounded like more than one person.
Howard played another one which was a Baba Booey and a Howard Stern. Howard said that was a 10. Robin agreed. Howard played another one where someone yelled out Howard Stern Rules!. Howard said that guy was on fire. Howard played another couple and then played something from Saratoga horse race where someone yelled out Baba Booey. Howard said it works in every sport.
Howard asked what tournament it was that Tiger had won. Howard said it was like Bridgestone or something. He said there were a ton of Baba Booeys. Howard played some of those as well. Howard played one that was a really good one. Robin said that was a 10. Howard said it sounded like it was almost on mic like the announcers.
Howard played another one and gave it a 9 for being slightly unintelligible. Howard played another one that was kind of weak. He said that was like a 3. Robin gave it a 4. Howard said anytime someone tries you have to give them something for the effort. Howard played another one where a couple of guys yelled out. Robin gave that an 8 or 9. Howard said he was going to give it a 6 or 7. Fred said it was a 7 or 8.
Howard played a clip of someone yelling out a good Baba Booey. Howard said that was an 8 or a 7. Howard said he likes the ones that are on mic with the announcers.
Howard played a clip of someone yelling one good one out. Howard said he has six more to go but it's enough already. He went to break after that.
Howard told Richard and Sal not to do any jizzing or anything and no cupcake fights. Howard said it cost a fortune and it took him forever to get the budget for all of that. Howard said Sal is cleaning the carpet now. Howard said he should take off his shoes. Sal pulled down his pants so Howard told him to pull them up. Howard said no one can see it. Howard said he wishes they were streaming live. He said Sal was twerking with his balls.
Howard said they have about 10 foster cats at home. He said that they have a bunch of cats available for adoption. Howard said he has been taking pictures and they have them up on the web site. Howard said they have a kitten named Jimmy. Howard said he named him after Jimmy Kimmel. They have a kitten named Molly after Jimmy's wife. Howard said that the kittens are so adorable. Howard said Beth gets them out of kill shelters and saves them. Howard said she raises them and gets them spayed or neutered. Howard said they've placed about 15 so far. Howard said they have a Facebook page going on too. Howard said if you pass a screening they have then you can adopt one of these cats.
Howard was going through some of the stuff they have written about the cats. He said some are spoken for already. Howard said that you can check HowardStern.com for more info. Howard said that Howard TV has some video of Beth giving the kittens to the families that adopted them. Howard said he goes along for the ride. Howard said Beth is doing a great thing. He said it's very sweet. Howard said he shot the North Shore Animal League calendar. He said that they want to build a facility for dogs and cats so they can be out of their cages. Howard said that's his good work for the day.
Howard said they did a nice job on the compound. He said they did an amazing renovation. Howard said they took all of the old pictures down and replaced them with new ones. That's the renovation.
Howard said there was a story in the paper about a guy who killed his wife and put pictures of her up on Facebook. Howard said Weiner turned to his wife and said ''See, I'm not so bad.''
Howard said Weiner is still in the race even though he lost 10 percent of his followers. Howard said if he loses 10 percent more he'll be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Howard said it's crazy that he's still running.
Howard said Sydney Leathers is doing a masturbation porn now. Howard said he was talking to the people at Disney to get her to do a commercial but they pulled that offer when she did the porno. Howard said he doesn't think that Weiner will masturbate to her video. Robin said he needs everything to be more personal to him.
Howard said he read about Oprah going into a store to buy a purse and the woman told her that it was too much money for her and wouldn't let her see it. Howard said the purse was $38,000. Howard said that woman was doing her a favor keeping her from spending that kind of money on a purse. Howard said she could hire a little person to hold her stuff for her for that kind of money.
Howard said he was jealous of the woman who had no idea who Oprah was. Howard said that must be nice. Howard said some people think this is racism that the saleswoman didn't know about Oprah. Howard said that maybe she heard about the OWN network and how bad it's doing. Howard said that Oprah is going to retaliate and maybe buy the store and have the woman fired.
Howard said Chris Brown had a brain seizure. Howard said there was a lot of stuff going on while they were away.
Howard said that's the end of that. He said he knows people want him to stop talking about the nice things he does and want him to be a scumbag. He said he is a scumbag most of the time.
Howard played some audio of Gary playing trumpet and then said that he has the most ridiculous phony phone call ever. Howard said Sal calls a pizza place and tells the guy that his son likes to order pizza by playing trumpet. Howard played the call and Sal tells the guy that his son wants to play his order for him. The guy asked if he was serious. Sal said he was and them put Gary on the line. The guy tried to understand what the order was. Sal kept playing Gary's audio clips and the guy would try to interpret what he wanted.
Howard said that was a very patient pizza guy. Howard said he has to be the most patient guy on the planet. Howard said it's either that or the worst pizza place around. Howard said it's too much. He said he loves that call. He said he thought they had to be kidding him with that call.
Howard played some of the other top 5 songs. He ran down the list quickly and played clips of each of the songs up there in the top 5.
Howard said that one of them was a Jay Z song and it had the N-word in it. Howard said he thought that he wasn't using that word in his songs anymore. Howard said he's shocked. Howard said he might like this song.
Howard played through the song with the N-word in it and tried to figure out what he was talking about. Howard and Robin were interpreting it. Howard let it play for a bit and said the song is crazy. He said it's like being in a mental institution. Howard said it's almost like Beavis and Butt-Head when he does the ''Uh'' thing.
Gary said his son listens to all of this music and he hears the N-word. He said that there was a football payer who used the N-word recently too. He said that he and his son had a discussion about all of this. Howard said he might have to bail on the Jay Z song. Howard said that Justin Timberlake sounds like a girl in that song. He played more of the song and talked about some of the stuff he was singing about. Jay Z was talking about how he can't walk anywhere without being bothered. Howard said he can but he thinks he can't. Howard and Robin started rating his N-word references. Howard said he had some good ones. Gary told Howard to keep playing it because he has a couple of good ones in there. Gary said it comes up 3 more times. He said it was 4 times in 8 words at one point in the song.
Howard said Jay Z has to go to Africa like Richard Pryor did. Howard said he has to do that to realize there are no N-words. Howard wondered if kids would still want to hear his music if he didn't use the N-word. Gary said he thinks they would. Howard said that's the only thing that makes the song fun though.
Howard said this song is weird. He said Justin Timberlake comes in and he's singing in a very effeminate way. Gary said that Justin has crazy respect from other artists. He said they just love the guy. Fred was playing a Sour Shoes clip over the song whenever Jay Z would do his ''Uh... Uh'' thing.
Robin said she doesn't understand any of this song. Howard asked Gary who's there. Gary said no one but they have a phone call coming up shortly. Howard asked why it wasn't on his list. Gary said it was and it was right in front of him.
Howard asked about this football player who used the N-word and what he and his son were talking about. Gary said that his son was saying that his son thinks that it's okay to use the word spelled with an A but not the ER with some friends that gave him the okay. Howard said he just doesn't use it. Gary said his son has a friend that they call that word and he doesn't want him to get beat up. Gary said he told him not to use the word. Howard said that it was a nice gift for those guys to give his son but he should give it back.
Howard said that he has to take a break but everyone loves Robin's theme song she taped in Peru or Guatemala. Howard said they have a heavy metal version of the song. He played the song and got a laugh from Robin. Howard said it's like a disease that's spreading. Howard said that was done by Richard. He said no N-word is required. Howard said he likes it but nothing beats the original. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is a song. He said it makes you want to have sex with a woman. Fred played some of Ronnie saying ''Du...'' over the song. Howard said they should have a Metallica channel there. He said he works out and listens to the metal channels. He said that he lifts his weights but he wants to find Metallica songs. He said it's super masculine.
Howard said he should be in a band like this. He said singing in a way is feminine but when you're like a masculine band it's very masculine. Howard had Fred keep playing the ''Du...'' clip over the song. He also played Gary's trumpet playing over the song.
Howard said he has John Strauss on the phone. Howard said John is the guy who produced the show ''In Plain Sight.'' Howard said that John was the one who put Eric the Actor in the show. John said he did indeed. Howard said he's now working on a movie. John said he's the producer for the move and they're shooting it starting in October. He said it's called The Brag. Howard said it's a real movie too.
Howard said that they have a part in the movie for someone. He said it's up for grabs and John has left it up to him. Howard said that they could hire Jeff the Drunk or Eric the Actor for the movie. Howard said that it could fit either one of them. John said it is designed to fit either one.
Howard had Eric the Actor on the line and Jeff the Drunk on another line. Howard said John knows Eric very well. He said he doesn't know Jeff but he is in the acting business now. He said they're both represented by Johnny Fratto. John said that Johnny has told him that Jeff is very easy to work with. He said his negotiations should be very easy according to what he heard from Johnny. Jeff said that is true.
Howard said that Eric was very hard to work with when he was on In Plain Sight. Howard said that he was worried about being protected from wildlife including Werewolves. Howard said Jeff claims he won't have any issues like that.
Howard asked John what the movie is about. John said it's about two loser buddies who make some viral videos and they end up making videos for YouTube. He said they are in the casting process right now and they have a bunch of celebrity cameos that will be cast. Howard asked what the role would be fore Jeff or Eric. John said that one is a gay couple that owns a juicery in Los Angeles. Howard asked Eric if he will play a gay person. Eric said no. Jeff said he would. Howard said that's the decision there. John said that he was hoping that Eric would look at the scene and be open to it. Howard asked how gay he has to be. John said he can underplay it. He said they're not trying to make any fun. Jeff said there isn't any touching. Howard said they're just playing a gay person. Howard said Eric isn't interested in that. Eric is out of the running for that role.
John said they have another role where a homeless guy picks up women. Eric was up for that. Jeff could play that part. Jeff said he's a heartbeat away from that. Howard said he thinks that Jeff could play that part.
Howard asked if this character has ever been gay. John said that they're going to leave it up for the actor to create the back story.
Gary asked Eric if he thinks that Tom Hanks is a good actor. Eric said he does. Gary said that he played a gay guy but you know he's not really gay. Eric said that he knows that people aren't really like the parts they play. Gary asked why he doesn't want to play the role. Eric said he just doesn't want to. Gary asked what the down side is. Eric said he doesn't know. Robin asked why he doesn't want to do it. Robin said he seems to have an objection to it but she's not sure why. Gary said that he doesn't understand why he won't play it. Eric said that if his stupid fans didn't already think he was gay then maybe he'd do it. Howard asked why he cares what people think. Howard said that people call him gay all the time. He said he just ignores it.
Jeff said that he will never become a true thespian if he doesn't play other roles. Howard said he's going to leave this up to John. John said that what they can do is have them read the page they sent. Howard said he tried to get it to Jeff but he has no email or fax machine. He said he has no way of getting the page. John said he was going to suggest that they both read for the same role and then they can decide who gets it. Howard said they'll get the scripts out to both of them and take it from there. Howard asked if Jeff and Eric are up for that. They both said yes. Howard said they'll have an act-off.
John said that the gay role is longer and funnier. He said that he did anticipate this problem so that's why he had this other role. Gary said he thinks that they should have stuck to the gay role and just given it to Jeff since Eric won't play it.
Robin asked Jeff to do some gay acting for them. Jeff went into a gay character and said he can't really talk in a gay voice. Howard acted like he was gay and went into a bit with Jeff. They were improvising picking each other up in a gay bar. Jeff played along and had fun with it. Howard tried to get Eric to do it but Eric said he's not going to do it. Howard kept going but Eric refused to play the gay role. Jeff even got in on it and did the gay voice with Eric but Eric wasn't saying a word. John said he's revising the scene as they speak. Howard said that John can play gay too. John did the same thing so it was all three of them trying to get Eric to play a gay part. Eric wasn't playing along. John said he could do a lot for his career. Howard said all he has to do is suck a cock. Jeff said Eric has done that before.
Eric said he's very close to hanging up. Howard said if he doesn't want to have fun in the movie then fuck it. Robin asked how he could turn down this role. Howard said if Eric hangs up then that means he's really gay, for real. Howard said he can't take it so he must be gay. Howard told Eric to sit on his face. John said he has an extra large Jacuzzi. He said that they're going to hug in there. Howard said that's enough of that.
Howard said they're not really gay. He said that they're just acting. He said it's boring being straight. He said he's going back to being gay with John. Howard asked if he wanted to cum on Eric's glasses. John said he did. He said they're so thick. Howard said this isn't fun without Eric playing along. John asked if Derek the Actor would play along. Howard said no. He stayed in his gay character and said he was going to cut a hole in the bottom of his wheelchair and fuck him from below. Jeff said he can suck his cock at the same time while John is fucking him in the ass. John said he's open to anything.
Gary said that Eric should just join in since he's getting jizzed on and fucked in the ass. Eric said no. Howard said that they can all be gay and Eric can play their straight friend. Eric said ''Pass'' on that. Howard asked if he would work with gay actors. Eric said he would. Howard said he knows he's straight but will he suck his dick?
Howard said he's not sure what John is going to do. John said they'll do the homeless guy and they'll get the scripts to both of them and take it from there.
Gary said he heard that Johnny just picked up High Register Sean as a client and Eric has to communicate with Johnny through him. Eric said he told Johnny not to come up with that stupid bit. He said that's just some stupid bit Johnny came up with.
John asked if Johnny is still representing Eric. Eric said he is. Howard asked if he is even though he'd representing Jeff. Eric said that's going to end soon. John said that Johnny is working very hard to get Jeff some work.
Howard asked Jeff why he thinks he should get the role. Jeff said that Eric is a diva. Howard told him to make it about himself. Jeff said he thinks he would be good in this role and he just needs a chance. Howard asked Eric what he would like to say. Eric said he is professional and punctual and he never gets drunk. Eric also asked why he would put in a rookie with no experience instead of a veteran. John asked if he'll play a gay character. Howard said Eric said no. John said that's why. He said that if he was a veteran he wouldn't question the part. John said he was very happy with Jeff's improv skills earlier.
John said they will be fair and they will give both of them the part of Harvey and they'll take it from there. Howard said they'll call John back when they get those scripts. Howard said John was a good actor. Jeff thought he was talking to him. Howard said he was very good.
Eric said he acts every time he's on the air with him. Howard asked what he means. Eric said this is an act. He said that he acts every time he calls in on the air. Howard asked Jeff would take a Pepsi Bottle up his ass for a part. Jeff said he would but it would have to be Coke since he doesn't drink Pepsi.
Howard said he doesn't understand what Eric is saying. He said that he's acting but does that mean he would play a gay guy in his real life or not. Jeff said Eric said no. Howard thanked the two of them for calling and was about to hang up. Eric said today is Johnny's birthday. Howard said he has to go. Eric said there was also a Baba Booey drop on HBO last night. Howard said he knew about that. Howard said that was some acting. He let both of them go.
Howard played the audio of Steve's interview. Steve asked if his goal was to get laid there. The guy said that's not his goal. Howard said girls are in this world to keep guys from dressing up like that.
Steve asked another guy if he can explain what Steam Punk is. Howard said he learned about Brony's already but they also have this Steam Punk thing which is people who enjoy steam engine stuff. Steve said it's a way to take a character and put them in a different time. He said it doesn't have to be a steam engine or anything. Howard played audio of the guy explaining the Steam Punk thing. He gave an explanation and then said that he's an IT manager. Steve said that he had his wife with him and she was made up as a hunter who caught the Predator. Howard asked how that happens. He said he doesn't buy that. Howard said he can't believe that guy has a wife.
Howard said outside of Comic-Con there was a guy yelling at the people in costume calling them losers. Howard played that audio and the guy was talking about how they aren't doing what God intended them to do.
Howard said his head is spinning. Steve said it wasn't just one guy. He said there were a bunch doing that. Howard said that guy is no different than these guys. He said that he's dressing up in a costume and worshiping an imaginary guy.
Howard played a clip of Steve talking to a guy dressed up as a Steam Punk Spider-Man. He was explaining what the Steam Punk thing is too. Steve said he had a monocle and a top hat. He said he had a Spider-Man emblem on his chest but that was about it. Steve said he doesn't like that whole thing. Howard said he doesn't either. That guy had a French accent so Howard and Fred did their impressions of him for a few minutes. They were goofing on the French accent. Steve said that guy said he's a creator of the Iron Man animated series. He said that the girl he was with was very hot too. He said it was hard to goof on the guy after he found that out.
Steve said there was one guy Howard would have gone crazy about. He said he had spent over 6 grand on costumes. He said he was working in the Navy and he spends all of his money on costumes.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he thinks the result shows are a waste of time. Howard said it's part of the deal. He said he's just a small part of the show. The caller said he misses him when he's not talking. Howard said he only got 5 seconds last week. He said that Heidi and Howie used up the minute they had left. Howard said he sometimes gets frustrated with that. He said he has a lot of thoughts he wants to get out.
Howard had some audio of Richard Christy throwing up after drinking too much. Howard played a little bit of that but he cut it off saying he thinks Richard puts it on too much.
Howard said he has audio of a woman on a bus telling a passenger to get off her bus and telling her that she's satan. Howard said this woman was yelling at this little girl who was being a pain in the ass to get off the bus. Howard said she was treating her like she was doing an exorcism. Howard said he loves it. Howard said he'd be under his seat if he was on this bus. Howard played more of the clip and the woman kept yelling at her like she was satan. The girl eventually got off the bus. Howard said that they're both crazy but you're happy the religious lady is winning because the girl got off the bus.
Howard played a song that Richard and/or Sal created using audio of Lisa G's audio book. Howard asked how Lisa G did with her book. Robin said he has no idea. Howard said he has the book by his bed but he never read it. Robin said she hasn't taken it out of her book case to read it yet. Howard said he looks at it because he took the cover photo. Howard said he might throw the book out and keep the cover. Howard asked if anyone read it. Fred didn't get a copy. Benjy said his girlfriend read it and liked it a lot.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to cancel that act-off and ban Eric from the show. Howard said he forgot there was a ban. The caller said he brings the show down every time he's on. Howard said he was laughing pretty hard when Eric wasn't playing along. He said they need him to make it funny. The caller said that's a good point.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thought of the Bachelorette finale. Howard said it was ridiculous. Howard said it shows how crazy the world is. Howard said the woman fell madly in love with one of the guys, Brooks, and didn't care about the other two. Howard said that he was shocked at how effeminate this guy was. Howard said he was very slight and he had long black hair. He said he'd make a pretty woman. Howard said that all of them seemed kind of effeminate to him. Howard said that this guy ended up dumping her and you'd think that the show would be over but in 10 minutes the girl falls for one of the other guys. Howard said the guy fell for her too. Howard said she was in love with another guy and 10 minutes later she's in love with another guy.
Howard said they appointed the next Bachelor. He said his name is Juan Pablo and he can barely speak English. Howard said he doesn't have a thought in his head. The caller said that it shows how women can be just like men when it comes to looks. Howard said he'll be watching the show either way. He said he told Beth he's going to become the next bachelor. Howard said he finds all of the men to be very effeminate on the show. Howard said he's sure they're not gay but they are effeminate. The caller said it might have something to do with Utah since that's where two of the guys were from.
Howard said he's officially thin again but when he stands up he gets dizzy. He said he feels good being thin. He said he's able to get thin by eating less. He said he doesn't know how to stop losing weight. Howard said he eats less than Beth now. He said he's not sure how to stop doing that though. He said he's thin and that's all that matters. He said he'll probably have a stroke but he'll be thin. They went to break a short time later.
Howard played a new song parody that came in from Robin. It was ''Horny for Robin's Twat'' to the tune of a Spice Girls song. That was a Little Mikey song. Howard said he has one from Matt Evans with ''Big Black Boobs'' to the tune of a Black Eyed Peas song. Howard said that was awesome. He said that's a big compliment to Robin. Howard said he had another Little Mikey song and then an Eli Braden song ''Please Drink My Cum.'' He had a second one from Eli about Robin's titties. Howard played a little bit of one more and said he thinks they're done with the Robin songs.
Fred played Robin into her news with her theme song and Gary playing over it with his trumpet. Robin started off with a story about an Iowa man who was doing a hog calling thing. She had some audio of that. Howard said this isn't as stupid as those Comic-Con people. Howard said that has a purpose and you can use it for something. Robin said this guy won the hog calling contest he was in.
Howard said he heard that Virgin Airlines is going to hire stand up comics to do comedy while you're flying. Robin said she thinks that's great. Robin said it might be okay. Howard asked if she'd be okay with Lisa Lampanelli calling her a guinea cock sucker while she's flying. Howard said he can imagine Jackie doing his jokes on a flight. Robin said she might object to that. Howard did his Jackie impression and told some jokes like he was on the flight. Howard said you'd see people jumping out of the plane. Robin said she can imagine the flight going long because Jackie isn't done with his jokes. Howard said Jackie used to accuse him of making the audience not laugh when they'd do a show.
Howard played a ''Jokenado'' movie commercial parody that Sal and Richard created using Jackie the Joke Man audio clips. Howard said he has to thank whoever engineered that because they went from left to right with Jackie's laugh.
Robin said they did a husband calling contest just like the hog calling contest. Robin had some audio of the woman who has won 8 times. Howard said he hates this. He said it's stupid. Howard said the hog calling thing is legitimate but this is not.
Robin said that Paul McCartney is playing at a festival and it's getting a lot of notice. She had some audio of Paul singing. Robin said he played for 3 hours at this festival. Howard said the guy is like 70 years old. Gary said he just turned 71 on June 18th. Howard said Paul really is great. Howard said he must wish that he was just 60 now. He said that's crazy that he's 71. Howard said he's still out there performing.
Howard said he spent the entire weekend listening to Deep Tracks and they played Cat Stevens ''Tea For the Tillerman.'' Howard said he was in heaven. Howard said he loves that channel. Robin said she can't stand this guy's music. Howard had Fred play the song but Robin didn't want to hear it. Robin said listening to his own voice drove him crazy. Howard said he likes that song.
Robin said she listened to Coffee House all weekend and Tracy Chapman must love it. Howard said that they do play a lot of her music.
Howard said that Meg Griffin is coming to AGT this week and she knows all of the deep tracks. Howard said he keeps hearing this guy Michael Tearson on Deep Tracks. He did an impression of the guy introducing a song. Howard said they really go deep on the Deep Tracks. Howard said he was listening to Ozzy's Boneyard too.
Howard said he read that Flo and Eddie are suing Sirius for some reason but he heard them playing their music on Sirius. Gary said that he knows more about this. He said that they're not the only ones. He said there's a class action suit going on and Flo and Eddie are leading the suit. He said that they think they found some loop hole that makes it possible for them to sue for more royalties.
Gary asked if Howard was listening to that Kennedy chick over the weekend. Howard said he didn't hear her but he heard a comedian reading one of the chapters from her book (The Kennedy Chronicles: The Golden Age of MTV Through Rose-Colored Glasses). Gary said she was doing a show on Sirius and kept teasing stories in her book so he went out and got it. Gary said that she claims that the song ''Name'' by the Goo Goo Dolls is about her. Howard played some of the song and couldn't figure out how it was about her.
Howard said he can't read a book. He said he got Tina Fey's book and tried to read it but he can't get through it. He said he never sees it as fun. Gary said that it is fun for him. He said you take it on vacation and read on vacation. Howard said he always has something else to do. He said there's TV on and he would rather watch that than read a book. Gary said he'd rather read than watch a comedian on a plane.
Howard said that Gary is always busy reading and not spending enough time with the show. Gary said Howard plays chess. Howard said he gave it up. Howard said he thinks he might need a high IQ to read a book. Gary said he's gotten Howard a bunch of books. Howard said he has a whole room full of books that he can't read. Gary said Howard has a library with a ladder in it. Howard said that's just for looks. He said he hates reading. He said he likes reading the paper but that's about it. He said he hates reading made up stories. He said that he's liking The Dome on TV. He said he's liking that and Strike Force. He said Breaking Bad is good. He said he likes Falling Skies. He said he'd rather watch that stuff than read a book.
Gary told Howard that Jon Hein watches a ton of TV and still reads books. Howard said Jon looks like a guy who never walked anywhere. Howard said he has to work out and he doesn't have time for books.
Howard said that they have a new burger at Wendy's called a Pretzel Burger. He said it's a burger with cheese, lettuce and tomato on that Pretzel roll. Howard asked if Jon has tried it yet. Jon came in and said that he hasn't had it. He said the bun is a pretzel. He said it looks good but he hasn't tried it yet. Howard said he'd love to try that. He said he's really hungry. Howard asked if anyone has tried it yet. Scott DePace said he tried it and it was awesome. He said it was warm and it had the salt on top. He said it was like eating a soft pretzel. Howard asked how many calories it is. Doug said it's 680 calories. Howard said he can't eat it alone though. Scott said he probably had a small frosty.
Howard said that he gets a smoothie at GNC and there's something that doesn't agree with him but it tastes so good he doesn't care. He said that it's like 200 calories. Howard said Scott looks like he's getting a little big. He said his ass is getting wide.
Howard said he heard about a Pretzel Dog that they have at Sonic. Scott said they have pretzel rolls at Dunkin' Donuts too.
Howard said that Gary looks a little over weight. Gary said he's about 15 pounds over. Howard said he thinks it's more like 20. Gary said that Jon Hein is a little big. He said that he's not obese though. Jon said he's pretty big and he could lose a lot. He wears a 40 inch waist.
Gary said there is a picture of JD from a while back and it's when he was about 30 pounds lighter. Howard said maybe he just doesn't care anymore. He asked what he's doing about his weight. Gary said JD is trying something new with the food in his office every day. JD came in and said that he's been the same weight for the past 2 or 3 years. He said he was like 165 in that picture Gary was talking about. He said now he's like 205-210. Howard said he has to do something about it. JD said he knows that but he doesn't want to do this on the air.
Howard said JD must be eating a big breakfast. JD said he has a sausage, egg an cheese on a roll. Howard said he could cut out the cheese at least.
Will came in and said that you see him with a Pepsi an a bag of Cheetos. He said that he eats a ton of cupcakes on Wednesday's too. JD said Will is lying. He said he's not eating that stuff. Howard said he needs and intervention. JD said he barely eats the cupcakes. Will said he does eat the Pepsi and Cheetos. JD said he does that but not every day. JD said he has chicken and tomato and basil sometimes. He said he doesn't eat fast food every day.
Howard said he heard that JD is into a porn star and the guys asked if he would rather fuck the porn star or give up one of his baseball cards. He would fuck her but then they asked if he would give up his spelling trophy. He said he would keep the trophy. Howard said that he was shocked by that. JD said that he went through a lot of studying for that trophy and it was a once in a lifetime thing. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard asked who the porn star is. JD said that her name is Lisa Ann. He said she's into basketball and football players though.
Gary showed Howard the picture of JD when he was much thinner. Howard said he looks better fat actually. Howard said who cares anyway. He said he's going to die either way. Gary said JD hates talking about dying. Howard said if he's so afraid of death then lose some weight. JD said he's messed up in the head. Howard asked who gets his spelling bee trophy when he dies. JD said he doesn't know. He said his mom or dad might take it. Howard said he'd take it.
Howard asked JD if he believes in heaven. JD said he does. Howard asked if he thinks that ants go to heaven when you step on them. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said he doesn't seem so freaked out by this death thing. Gary said he's keeping it low key right now. Howard kept digging and asking about how he thinks death will be and what it'll be like. JD said he doesn't know and he doesn't think about it.
Robin got back to her news and read about someone dying at an Insane Clown Posse gathering this weekend. Howard said those guys have a TV show now. Howard said he was watching it. Robin had Howard playa some of their music. Howard said their followers are really devout. Robin said a 24 year old man was found dead in a tent at the show. Robin said a drug overdose is suspected. Robin said that happened in 2008 at another Juggalo gathering.
Robin read about Simon Cowell and how he was sleeping with his friend's wife. Howard said he was cuckolding him. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about what Cowell is doing to support this woman he impregnated.
Robin said that Edie Gourmet died. She was 84. Howard said he liked Edie and Steve.
Howard said NBC is thinking about keeping Jay Leno around again when he's gone from the Tonight Show. Howard said he'll be right back in there if Jimmy Fallon's ratings fall.
Howard asked who Sanjay Gupta is. Robin said he's a doctor on CNN. Howard said that he came out for Marijuana and it was a big deal for some reason.
Robin said that a guy was out on his boat and his wife fell off and died. Robin said he didn't even know she had fallen off. Robin said she keeps an eye on the guests she has on her boat. Robin said that this guy claims that he didn't know she was gone but he did hear some splashing in the water but it was dark out. Howard said he would never go out at night. Robin said she does that once in a while. She said they go out to watch the sunset. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Dwight Gooden's family being evicted from their mansion. Robin said it's another sad moment in his life.
Robin said that in New Mexico they've come up with a new way to get people to pay child support. They won't allow people to get a fishing or hunting license if they owe money.
Robin read about this guy who ran off with a young girl after killing her mother and brother and then kidnapping her. Robin said they found the girl and shot the guy who kidnapped her. Robin said the suspect was shot dead by the FBI agents. Robin had some audio of an official talking about what happened. Robin said that the guy's father almost did the exact same thing 24 years ago. Robin read details of that story too. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the Edward Snowden case and what a senator was saying about how we have to be more careful about who the government hires. Robin said he was basically saying that we need someone looking over everyone's shoulder. Robin had a bunch of audio clips where people were talking about this Snowden case.
Robin read about Al Queda and how they're still a threat even though they've been taken down a bit. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about Chuck Schumer being upset with some networks over TV shows that are being made about Hillary Clinton. Robin had some audio of people talking about that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Rick Santorum speaking at some event. Howard said he sounds like he's in Cousin Brucie's house with that echo. Howard did an impression of what that sounded like. Robin read about what he was talking about but Howard was stuck on the sound of that microphone. He kept doing the impression of what it sounded like to him.
Robin said that someone posted a video from the Missouri State Fair where they put an Obama mask on a dummy and had a bull run it over.
Robin said that Apple will unveil their next iPhone next month. Robin said they expect it to have iOS 7 with a new look and feel. Howard said that Anthony Weiner is already waiting in line. He said he loves those phones. Howard said he knows he'll buy the new phone even though he may not need it. He said that he thinks that they need to come up with something new though.
Robin said the mayor of San Diego has been accused by 14 women of sexual harassment. Robin said he's been under fire to step down but he won't do it. Howard said he's just like ''fuck you'' and not backing down. Robin said they say that 72 percent of the residents want him to resign. Robin said the residents would be for him taking sensitivity classes. Howard said he can just imagine what those classes would be like. He described what they might be like and goofed on that for a short time.
Robin read about a guy who was kicked off the boardwalk in Wildwood, New Jersey for walking with his service dog. Robin said that the guy is an Iraq war vet and he was injured so he needed the service dog.
Robin said it's Elvis Week this week. Robin said that there were hundreds of fans gathering in Elvis' home town. Robin said they'll also be gathering on the date of his death on August 16th.
Howard said he just got a note saying that coffee has been spilled on the new carpet already. Howard said he's going to ban all drinks in there. He said you have to go drink in the hallway. Howard said he hates coffee. He said no more coffee there. Just water and only under protest. Howard said maybe coffee for lunch of for breakfast. Howard said maybe they should just drink carpet cleaner and kill two birds with one stone. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that Ronnie was also in studio defending his Superman tattoo and his new car. He said he can't tell if Ronnie did that for himself or for his girlfriend. Steve said he's like a walking ad for Marvel comics at this point.
Jon said that Eric the Actor and Jeff the drunk battled over a role in John Strauss' new movie but Eric refuses to play someone who is gay. He said that he does respect that Eric doesn't back down to anyone but you have to be open to different roles if you're an actor. He said Jeff is pretty much a shoe in for this part. Steve agreed. He said he's disappointed because he's an Eric fan and he'd like it better if he played ball more often. Jon said that the other thing he should have done was take the part and kind of work your way out of playing the part the way they want you do. He said they'll see where this ends up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the joke is about Will Murray and Pablo Francisco. Jon said he'd have to ask Will about that. The caller said it's unfair keeping that joke going and not explaining it.
JD came in and said that Will is a liar. He said he lied about the cupcakes thing today. He said he may get some chips and a Pepsi out of the vending machine once in a while. Jon asked if he's ever gotten a cupcake. JD said he has gotten one once in a while. He said he doesn't take 3 like Will said he did. Jon asked if he has told Will to knock off the jokes and give him a break. JD said you just have to take it around there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Howard is under weight for his height. Gary said he's not sure how much he weighs right now. The caller said it's like 190. Gary said that is pretty skinny. Jon said Howard pointed out that Gary has put on a few pounds. Gary said that he did put on a few pounds. He said they all have. JD and Gary said that they have fans come up to them saying that they're not as fat or maybe Gary's teeth aren't as big in person as Howard says they are. They went to break a short time later.
Gary and the guys talked about JD and his eating habits there. They said that he doesn't know what fast food is. Gary said JD thinks that a box of General Tso's chicken isn't fast food and it's good food.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is too thin. He said that he used to work out and he knows what you have to stop eating. He said he lost 35 pounds and he lost his gut. He said that's what Howard has to do. Jon said Howard looks in that weird mirror and thinks he's overweight. Will said he thinks he looks fine. He said his life doesn't sound fun to him though. He said he can barely eat and he's dizzy all the time.
Jon asked Ronnie about his tattoo and if he got it for himself or for his girlfriend. Ronnie said he likes the logo and it serves two purposes. He said he likes the logo and he got the C in there for his girlfriend. Jon asked why he didn't just get her name tattooed. Ronnie said that's stupid. He said they were talking about doing something for each other and that's what he did. He said he's not sure why it bothers people so much. Gary said they're not bothered, they're curious. Gary said he hasn't weighed in on this at all.
Ronnie said he watched Superman on TV when he was a kid and he doesn't have to be an expert to like the logo. Will said that he didn't even know what Kryptonite was. Ronnie told him not to worry about him.
Jon asked Ronnie about the prank at AGT and if he knew what was going to happen. Ronnie said all he knew was that Howie Mandel brought in the fake snake. He said he didn't know what he was going to do with it. Gary said that he could have mentioned it to Howard that he had a rubber snake there. Ronnie said he's not supposed to be involved with anything there. He said he got too involved last year so he had to stop. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked why everyone was so interested in the new car he got. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Gary didn't hear the story. He said that he got a Dodge Charger SRT8. Gary asked what it was that King of All Blacks was saying. Ronnie said he was talking about how it's going to be replaced in 2015. He said he doesn't know how he knows that though.
Ronnie said that his car has 470 horsepower. Gary said he can't use the power anywhere around there though. Ronnie said you take it out on the highway early in the morning.
Jon asked Gary about what he was saying to his son about the use of the N-word. Gary said that his son claims that his friends call him the something N-word and they're black kids so he thinks it's okay. Gary said he told him not to use it anymore.
The guys were wondering if Jason says the N-word when he sings along to songs. Jason came in and said that he changes it to ''Homies'' but his wife will just sing the word in the song.
Jon took a call from a guy who suggested what they could do with Jeff the Drunk and Eric the Actor. That led to the guys talking about Eric's problems with playing certain parts.
Jon took another call from a guy who suggested putting in the word ''Ninja'' instead of using the N-word in songs they sing along with. Jason said that he never uses the N-word when he sings along. He said that he has used it but he doesn't now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks everyone is being too sensitive about this stuff. He said that no one should be so upset about the word. He said they use it in their music so there's nothing wrong with saying it. He said everyone is too sensitive about it. The guys spent a little more time talking about it and then ended the show. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about reading the paper this morning and how disappointed he was in this judge, Shira Scheindlin, who found stop and frisk to be illegal. Howard said he knows that the Mayor of New York city and the police commissioner are very much for stop and frisk and it works. Howard said he doesn't agree with the judge's verdict. Howard said the people in shitty neighborhoods are upset about this too. Howard said the stop and frisk helps stop crime. Howard said that the judge lives in a neighborhood where there isn't much crime. Howard said he would have loved to have seen police at his school being able to stop and frisk. He said it's awful that they got rid of this. He said he hopes the cops ignore it.
Howard said the world was much simpler when a cop could take a mile offender in an alley and beat the crap out of them. Howard said stop and frisk was a great program. He said he hopes the cops break the law. He said they should just do it. Robin said the programs are carried out by people who have prejudices. Howard asked who cares. Robin said she loves Howard's hasty journalizations. Howard said we'll see when she gets a bullet in her head. Howard said it has helped. Robin said other things help too. Howard asked what helps. Robin said she would move. Howard said that's if you have money. Robin said ''Oh please.'' Howard said you can't just pick up and move if you don't have money.
Howard said he was hall patrol in school and they expected him to try and control the kids there. Howard said there was one kid named Zany who was out of control and they told him to control him. There was no way that was happening.
Robin said Howard is all for the nanny state. Howard said he's all for doing away with soda too. He said that these cock suckers who are in the hospital because of what they eat are being paid for by the public. Howard said people don't take care of their body. Howard said every tax payer is taking care of them.
Howard said that the stop and frisk thing they have to get back. Howard said he can't believe that every judge is named Scheindlin.
Howard said he has a call time of 5pm and the show doesn't start until 9. He said he doesn't understand that. Howard said that they have to have a 45 minute judges meeting and the other three judges are joking around while they're trying to get through this thing. He said they could be done in 10 minutes but the other judges are all talking. Howard said he just wants them to shut the fuck up and listen. Howard said he sits there quietly. Howard said he's excited when the camera goes on and that's it.
Howard said they go over what they're going to do on the show and then they go back to their dressing room and sit there. Howard said he always has stuff to watch. He said tonight he'll be watching a movie where the aliens take over the human race and he can't remember what it's called. Howard said it's the worst movie ever made. He said it's not that bad but it is bad. He said it's called ''The Host.'' Howard said he has things to watch in his dressing room.
Robin said the movie ''Two Guns'' is very good. She said it's not out yet but when it comes out on DVD he should check it out. Howard told Gary to write that down for him.
Howard said he just saw the movie with Mark Wahlberg and The Rock in it (Pain and Gain). Robin said that was a good one. She said that they're gym rats who decide a guy who isn't working doesn't deserve the wealth he has.
Howard said tonight they have another press thing and it's a half hour of that. He said they clown around for a half hour and he gets miserable. Howard said they ask him about Simon Cowell and they never even mention AGT. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about what Simon is up to. Howard said he's all over the papers already. Howard said he hopes that Simon will wear a condom from now on. He said he thinks he will.
Howard and Robin were talking about how Simon is putting this woman he knocked up there in Manhattan but he doesn't live there.
Robin said she has an old iPhone so she doesn't have Siri on it. Howard said the only thing she's good for is setting an alarm. Gary said Scott DePace gave Howard a fingerprint sensor years ago and he hated it. Howard said it never worked right. Scott said it was the same idea. Howard said it didn't work. Scott said they didn't set it up correctly. Howard said he and Jeff Schick set it up and he wasn't able to get into his computer. Howard said he bets it'll work on the iPhone. Jon said that should be pretty cool if they have it.
Howard said he hates when they announce it so far in advance. Howard said he wants it now. Robin said she hates it when computers are announced right after you buy a new one.
Howard said Tan Mom (Patricia Krentcil) is coming in today. He said she has a new song coming out. Howard said that's Sal's girlfriend. Howard said Sal is really into this woman. He said Sal wants to fuck her so bad. Howard said he's not doing that on his new carpet though. Howard said that's just freaky to him. He said Sal is a freak.
Howard played some of her new song and said she'll be performing it live. Howard said she's one of his favorite guests.
Howard said that Jay Z is using the N-word very liberally and people are sending in songs where they use it. Howard said this one takes the cake. He said he has a song where the guys use it way more than Jay Z. Howard said they make him look like a choir boy. Howard played the song and they repeat the N-word over and over. (Ni**a Ni**a Ni**a by Gangsta Rap).
Robin said she doesn't like that song. Howard said she has to give it a chance. Howard said sometimes the first time isn't that good. Howard played more of the song for her. Howard said this guy is hard core. He said he's really street. Howard told Gary he has to get it to his son. Gary said he's going to lay off this one.
Howard said he was listening to the wrap up show and he heard that Jason is into rap and he replaces the N-word with the word ''Homie'' so this song would just be ''Homie, homie, homie, homie...'' Howard played more of the song which was the same thing over and over.
Howard said it's kind of a question and answer song. Howard said he thinks this song is hot off the presses. He said he heard it only took 5 minutes to record it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what animal he or his staff members resemble the most. Howard said Gary resembles a monkey. Howard said he resembles a Giraffe or a praying mantis. Maybe an anteater. The caller said he's like a stork or a pelican or even an ostrich. Howard said it's a mess being him.
Howard said he had to try on some clothes yesterday. He said he looked so good in his vest and white shirt and maybe all of his other stuff sucked. Robin said that one was just particularly stunning. Howard said he put a lot of pressure on Ralph to figure it out. Howard said he has such an awkward body that he has to have his clothes altered.
Robin asked if Howard tanned for Tan Mom. Howard said he has been outside a little. He said you can't help but get some sun at this time of year. Howard said he went for a run yesterday and got some sun on him. He said he sees that people run and put suntan lotion on but then you sweat and it gets in your eyes. Howard said he doesn't use it when he runs.
Howard said the Ronnie Moaning thing has taken off too. He played a clip of Ronnie moaning like he was having an orgasm yesterday. Howard said that they put it into a song. He played that song quickly and got grossed out.
Howard said the Baba Booey yelling thing is taking off with the golfers. Gary said he read an article about how it's good for golf that this is going on. Howard said it is making the game better. Howard said people are talking about it and now they're wondering what would happen in history if people yelled it out. Howard played a JFK speech where they inserted the Baba Booey yelling clips. Howard said Baba Booey can improve anything. He played the Hindenberg crash clip and that had Baba Booey clips in it too.
Howard played the Dexter theme song as a Baba Booey parody. Howard said Dexter is such a good show this season. He said he admires that they're ending it. He said that's the way to do it. He said Under the Dome is good but he's afraid that they're not going to have an ending for it. Howard said he imagines that there are aliens watching us in the dome.
Howard said that Superman was in a dome in the fortress of solitude. Howard said Ronnie wouldn't know that even though he got the Superman tattoo. Howard said he was very funny on the Wrap Up Show. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about how stupid it is to put someone's name on you when you get a tattoo. Howard said Ronnie doesn't make any sense when he argues. He said that he was arguing about not putting his girlfriend's name on him but he did put his dog's name on him. Ronnie was talking about how he had talked about the tattoo thing with Stephanie. Howard said you can't argue with the guy. He said he could talk to him for 4 hours every day and get ratings.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie was talking about how King of All Blacks called him ''My Nigga'' on Twitter. He said he told him to ''cool it down with that, dude.''
Howard said the Wrap Up Show was good yesterday. He said JD was on fire. He said the poor guy can't speak English though. Howard said you have to hear him. Howard played a clip where JD said ''Sometimes if I don't eat breakfast, usually...'' Howard had to replay that part. Jon Hein called him out on it so JD corrected himself. JD was talking about the food he eats out of the vending machine. He was also talking about the cupcakes they get there. Howard said he's really Napoleon Dynamite. Howard said he's not sure where he grew up that he doesn't have a command of the language.
Howard said he has new clips from Brony-Con that are really disturbing. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that the greatest record of all time is on Jay Z's new album. He said the song is ''Fuck With Me.'' He said he uses the N-word a lot in that song. Howard said he must be out of it. He said he doesn't understand the music that much. Robin said she feels the way about rap that she does about country. She said the best she likes but the rest she doesn't. King said that Jay Z is the best in rap and no one is greater than he is. He said no one will ever be better.
Howard asked Fred if he had the new Jay Z song. Fred said he'd look. He said if it's new they may not have it in their system. Howard said they have that rap channel there so they should have it. Howard said he puts it on at his parties and he tries to get people up and dancing. Howard said no one wants to dance though.
Fred found a song on YouTube that was supposed to be the right song. Howard let that play for about 20 seconds and said he was done with it.
Howard said he saw that Brad Pitt's movie World War Z made $500 million worldwide so he was wondering if Robin thinks he's a movie star now. Robin said she'll take that into consideration. Howard said that guy has so much going on. He has Angelina Jolie and a career like that. Robin said she was thinking of Jennifer Aniston and how she just keeps making one bad movie after another. Robin said she thinks that she only does well because of the publicity she gets. Howard said she's a movie star. Howard said a real move star makes money even in a shitty movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they bring back the magician, Leon, when the judges are able to bring back a favorite act. Howard said he'd consider that. He said he liked that young brother and sister group that sings too though. Howard said he thought the magician was good. He said the dude with the swords is good. He said he'd bring back those three. Howard said he thinks he can convince the judges to bring them back. Howard said they listen to him. He said they all look up to him there. Howard said they do argue with him but then they come around and admit that he was right.
Howard said Heidi thought he came down hard on the guy who did voices on the show. He said that Heidi told him that she was going to say the same thing but she backed down. Howard said he told her she has to listen to him and then just say what she's thinking. Robin said she saw Marion Ross and didn't recognize her. Robin said maybe she got a face lift. Howard said that happens and you don't look the same. He said he wishes women would just let themselves age. Howard said if he got plastic surgery he'd look really odd.
Howard said he should take a break. Then he'll play some Brony-Con stuff and get to Tan Mom. Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to mention that he went to see Stephen Colbert and he asked him why he doesn't do the Stern Show. He said Colbert said that he's never been invited on. Howard said he'd have him on. He said they probably never asked because they don't ask. Howard said he's never requested to come on but he would have him on. The caller said he had a great show last night. Howard said they'll invite him then. Howard said done deal. The caller said Howard does a great job on AGT. He said he bothers Ronnie every week too. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said he'd have Stephen Colbert on. He said he's an interesting guy. Robin said they have Tan Mom on so why not Stephen Colbert. Howard said he'd rather interview Tan Mom if he had to choose. Howard said she just got out of rehab. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Tan Mom has been a sensation for the past couple of years. Howard said that she's got very skimpy attire on today. Howard said she is tan too. Tan Mom said she is a little. She said she hasn't had much time to tan this year though. She's very busy.
Howard said that she looks healthier too. She said she went to rehab and she loved it. She was in for ''cocktails.'' Howard said that she looked to be drunk last time she was in. Tan Mom said she was totally drunk. Patricia said she was flying around the country and she ended up having a few glasses of wine when her flight was postponed. She said that she wasn't really drunk. Howard asked if the wine was her drink of choice. She said it was. She said she was having two skinny bottles a day. Howard said that's not that bad. Patricia said that she was very thin though. She said she has been running her whole life and she was very thin.
Howard asked how many days sober she is. She said it's 53 now. She said she's still fun though. Howard asked if she's going to go back to drinking. Patricia said that she won't. Howard asked what kind of baggage she was carrying. She said it was her childhood and abandonment. She said she can't go into it or she'll start crying. Howard said that's good for radio. Howard asked what happened to her. Patricia said that she came from a family of 7 and she always felt abandoned. She said it was great but it was not well.
Patricia said that she loves her mom and dad and she's not sure what to say. She said that people are listening and she doesn't want them getting mad at her.
Robin asked if she's on any pills. Patricia said she's taking some stuff to help her sleep. She said she's not on any narcotics. She's also on some mood swing pills too. She also takes Ibuprofin.
Howard asked what went on at this airport. Patricia said that she smokes and she has to go around and around to take a smoke. She said she went out to eat with her son and had a glass of wine. She said that the security at the airport is crazy. She said that she was out for the fourth time to have a cigarette and they were harassing her. She said that she wasn't doing anything. Patricia said she has been the target of bullshit before. Howard said maybe it's because she's so feminine. Patricia said that might be it.
Patricia said that they weren't going to let her get on her flight. She said she wasn't drunk but she had some drinks. Patricia said that she wanted to get on the flight but they refused to let her go. She said that they asked if she wanted to go to jail or rehab. She said she was sent to detox. Howard asked if she got the DTs when she was detoxing. Patricia said she didn't. She said she just drinks to drink so it's like a habit at this point.
Howard asked Patricia about the rehab center she went to and if it's owned by Michael Lohan. Patricia said she didn't want to get into all of the stuff that went on there. She said she went there for a month. Howard said it seems to have worked.
Howard said he heard that Tan Mom and Teen Mom (Farrah Abraham) were in rehab at the same time and they got into a fight. Patricia said that girl is an idiot. Howard asked what she got into it with her over. Patricia said she's a nice person and Teen Mom got upset with their manager, Gina, and she was going off on her and on Michael Lohan too. Patricia said that she heard she was coming there and she heard she did that sex tape. She said that's fine but she would never do that herself. Howard said he thought Patricia was in a porn. Patricia said she did a walk on but she didn't know that it was a porn. Patricia said she just shows up at things and sometimes she doesn't know what they are.
Howard asked what Teen Mom did to get her upset. Patricia said she was trying to teach her about business. Patricia said she knows about business and she doesn't need that from her.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to get her off the air. He said she's only interesting when she's drunk. Howard said he's fascinated with her and her fight with Farrah Abraham.
Another caller said she sucks when she's sober. Patricia told him to have a decaf and calm down. The caller said she's the worst. Howard said that she got into a fight with Teen Mom and he's not sure why. Patricia said that Farrah was very rude and she would get on the phone during group. Patricia said she had a pillow up and she was taking pictures of her. She said that Gina was texting her and letting her know that the pictures were out there. She said they were in rehab and that's just not right. Howard said she's absolutely right and you can't take pictures of people while they're rehabbing. Patricia said that Michael Lohan went up to her and told her to give him the pictures. She said that they threw Farrah out of the rehab because of that. Howard and Robin agreed that it was the wrong thing for Farrah to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's going to put a bullet in his face over this interview. Patricia said people are really strange. She said she's sorry she's not drunk and falling over. She said she doesn't need his shit. Patricia told him to shut the fuck up and get the fuck off the line. She asked what the fuck is wrong with people. She said he should go suck a dick.
Howard said Patricia is going to perform her song today and Sal wants to dance for her, naked. Howard said he wants to do it like that Blurred Lines video. Howard had Sal come in to talk to her. Sal said he would bathe her in cum. He said he would wipe the tan off her face with his load. Patricia said he's so cute. Howard said Sal has a crush on her and she has powers that women always like to have.
Patricia said that Sal should go on IHookUpNow.com and they can talk to each other there. Howard wanted to hear what a conversation would be like on there. He had Sal start. Sal was talking about how he would open up her legs and start licking that chicken cutlet between her legs. Howard asked what she would do to him. She said she would be pouring oil all over his body. She said she'd be going up and down on him. Sal told her to stick a finger in his asshole.
Howard took a call from Richard who was playing JD clips. They had JD asking her how she feels about him beating off to her. Patricia said she can't talk dirty on the air because of her family. They had JD asking all kinds of dirty questions and trying to get her to talk dirty.
Howard asked if Patricia is attracted to Sal. She said she is. Sal asked if she pleasured herself to him. She said she did. Howard said he can't think of a grosser situation. Sal said she really is sick in the head.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to judge her boobs. Howard asked to see her boobs. She said she can't do that. Gary told her that Gina just called and said it's okay. She didn't actually call. Gary was just making that up.
Sal said he's going to twerk for her while she sings. Howard told Patricia to get ready for the performance. Howard said the song is called ''Life of the Party.'' A guy named Adam was in with her and he wrote the song for her. Howard asked if Sal's pants were off. Sal said they're not yet. He took them off and got ready for her song. Sal said he has something for Howard. He said he has a Tan Cock with blonde hair on it. Howard told him to take that off.
Patricia said she was in a state of shock. Adam said he thinks it's hot. He said Sal is attractive too. Sal said he'll turn around if she doesn't want to see it. Patricia eventually got into it and sang her song. She didn't seem to remember the song so Howard cut her off saying that she didn't know the song. Howard asked if they wanted a second try. Adam said he did. Howard said he'd let them try again. Howard had them do a second take but that was just as bad. Patricia said she was very nervous.
Howard took a call from a woman claiming to be Teen Mom, who said that she can't believe she's talking shit about her so early in the morning. She said there is only room for one mom in this world. It wasn't really Teen Mom but Patricia argued with her anyway. They went back and forth arguing about the rehab thing for a short time. Howard said he doesn't think that's the real Teen Mom.
Adam said that he was working on a song with Teen Mom and she refused to do the song because he wouldn't sleep with her. She didn't know he was gay.
Howard asked Patricia if she'd ever hook up with Sal in real life. Sal is really into her. Patricia ended up breaking down and crying. Sal tried to comfort her. He told her it's alright. Howard said she really loves Sal. Howard told Sal there is no insertion allowed. Howard said she has to calm down. Howard said people knock him all day long. He said it's going to be okay.
The guys were able to get a view of one of Patricia's breasts before they wrapped up. Sal told her not to touch them. He said she had nice areolas.
Howard gave Patricia some more plugs and said you can book her through GRMediaFirm.com. Howard thanked her for coming in and then took a call from Robin. It was Richard playing clips of Robin telling Patricia she has great breasts. Howard asked if that was enough for her. Patricia was still sniffling after crying earlier.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she was wearing Granny Panties. Patricia said she's got nice white panties on. That caller was also making puking noises when he heard all of that.
Howard thanked Patricia for coming in and asked her not to do anymore songs. Patricia said she does know the words but she's very nervous. Sal asked if she's still drinking because that's what it sounds like to him. Patricia said that the song is a lot of fun and she knows the words to it.
Sal asked if Patricia is into anal. She said that's very personal and she doesn't think they should talk about it. Howard asked if she's into being peed on. Patricia laughed and didn't say no.
Howard took a call from Sal which was just Richard playing clips of Sal from the office again. Howard said they're caught in this vortex now. He said he really has to wrap up. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that a lot of people are very rude to Tan Mom telling her to get off the air. Robin said her feelings were hurt.
Howard said they have that golfer guy coming in next. He said he might need more time to play the Brony stuff.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that they have a big AGT night tonight. She said there are still tickets available on the web site. She said the crowd goes berserk for Howard but Mel B has to ask them to cheer for her. Howard said that's not true. Mariann said that she does have some fans. Howard ended up hanging up on Mariann in the middle of a sentence.
Howard said he's not sure if tickets are available but maybe Mariann is right. Howard said she's at every single show. High Pitch Eric is too. Howard said he knows Bobo has been there a bunch of times too. Robin said they have Mariann in the openings and closings of the show too.
Howard said he was reading about some black guys who robbed a store or something and they were wearing white guy make up. Howard said the mask they had on was really good.
Howard said that Charisma Carpenter took a shot of herself in a bikini and she's looking good at 41 or 43... whatever she is.
Howard said there are guys who are into My Little Pony and they're known as Bronies. Howard said the guys who beat off to My Little Phony are called Cloppers. Howard said they started this Brony-Con because they're not really welcome at Comic-Con.
Gary said Wolfie told him that the convention has grown almost 100 percent. He said last year it was like 4,000 people and this year it was 7,000 people.
Howard played some of Wolfie's interviews. In the first one Wolfie was asking the guy about which pony he's into and about jerking off to it. The guy was talking about how he tells his friends about jerking off to that stuff. Howard said that's not the kind of thing you want to tell anyone. That guy started doing a horse impression that went on too long according to Howard.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy about being a clopper. The guy said that he sadly is a clopper. He said it's just a part of him and he isn't ashamed of it.
Howard said it would be funny if they found out Jon Hein was secretly a clopper. Robin said the first name that popped into her head was JD. Howard asked JD if he's ever jerked off to that. JD came in and asked if he's out of his mind. He said he's never even watched My Little Pony. He said he's not into cartoons at all. Not even Jessica Rabbit.
Howard played another interview where Wolfie was asking a guy about what brought him there. The guy said this was his first ever experience and he loves it. Wolfie asked about how he got into this and the guy said that if you had told him this a year ago he would have punched him in the face. He said he couldn't be prouder than he is at this moment. Wolfie asked which A-list stars he thinks are Bronies. The guy said he heard that Bill Clinton is one. Wolfie had the guy doing his pony impressions which were really creepy.
Howard said there are people walking around trying to be accepted. Howard played another clip of a guy standing outside the convention talking about how his kid would never be into this stuff around him. Wolfie asked that guy what he would do if his son was wearing a pony costume. The guy said he'd rip it right off.
Wolfie interviewed another guy who said that he loves ponies and they're adorable. He said he wishes he was a pony sometimes. Howard said the guy can't even say pony. He was saying it like ''Pwewney.'' Wolfie asked that guy who his favorites were and then had him do his impression of a joyful pony.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who said that some humans are just weird and odd after Wolfie asked him a question.
Wolfie talked to a guy who said that not all of them are weird at the convention. Wolfie asked him about his favorite character and what turned him on about her. Wolfie also had him doing impressions of a pony that was sick.
Howard said Jason Dufner is there. He said he has to take a quick break and get to Jason.
Howard asked Jason about what it's like to stand over a putt that has a difference of $700,000 from first to second place. Jason said it's almost double what you could possibly make. He said it is a big deal. Howard asked if he thinks about that during the game. Jason said he does at times. He said he's made $15 million in his career. Howard said it's such a freaky career to go into. He said he got into radio and so many people weren't that good at it so they failed. Howard said it must be like that with golf too. Jason said it is. He said there are guys living in their cars and living in tents trying to get where he is now.
Jason said he's always made money since he went pro in 2000. Robin asked how he knew he was good. Jason said he got out on the tour and started having good finishes so he knew he was good then. Howard said Jason got involved when he was a kid but he wasn't pushed into it. Jason said his dad liked golf but he didn't push him into it. He said his dad would play for fun.
Howard said Jason's mom worked at a golf course and that's where he got his practice in. Jason said he started when he was about 10 or 11 with his dad. He didn't start winning until he was 16 or 17 though. Howard said that it's practice that makes it work. Howard asked if he still practices. Jason said you have to. He said he works on things that make you better.
Howard asked if he played college golf. Jason said he did. He said he went to Auburn. He said he was like the 4th or 5th guy on the 5 guy travel team. He said sometimes he was the number 6 guy who didn't get to travel.
Jason said that people asked him what he wanted to do in his life and he said he was going to be a professional golfer. He said everyone would tell him he couldn't do that.
Howard asked if golfers get banged up playing the sport. Jason said that you can actually go a really long time. Robin asked how Tiger is doing this season. Jason said he's not doing great but he's doing okay. He said that he attracts money so it's good for the sport. He said tiger has been a huge asset for the sport.
Howard said it seems like it was a pressure release for Tiger when he had all of those women. He said he thinks he should go back to doing that so he can get back to playing. Jason said he thinks he'll start rolling again once he gets one of the Masters.
Robin said Jason is married and people were making comments about the hug he gave her. He grabbed her ass and didn't let go as they were walking away. Howard said he was looking Jason up last night and his wedding video is online. Howard said it was a whole love story you can see online. Howard asked how that gets out there. Jason said he doesn't know and he might have to sue someone.
Howard asked Jason how many years he went on the road and put up his own money to play. Jason said he was doing well out there actually. He said he won 2 or 3 over a 2 year period. He said if you can break even on a mini tour then you're doing really well.
Howard asked Jason about winning this PGA thing and if that's a big deal. Jason said it really is a big thing. Howard said he has like 10 people with him today. Jason said if he doesn't win then they're all gone.
Howard said the rap against Jason is that he doesn't show a lot of emotion on the course. Jason said that's just who he is. He said he isn't going to be fist pumping and screaming. He said that's just not him.
Howard asked if people tell him to come up with something. Jason said it works for him and everyone identifies with the ''every man'' persona.
Howard asked if Jason keeps that expression to throw the other players off. Jason said it might help. Howard said he heard that Keegan Bradley is pissed that he's there today. Jason said he is because he's such a big fan of Howard's. Howard asked if he wanted to kill himself after losing to Keegan. Jason said he was just happy that he was there and got to play.
Howard asked Jason if there are days when he hates doing it. Jason said he does at times. He said the travel is rough too. He said his wife travels with him sometimes. He said that it's like 30 weeks of travel a year.
Howard said Jason won and he probably doesn't even know what he did right. Jason said that's true. He said he asks himself what just happened at times. Howard asked how you replicate it. Jason said you can't. He said that's the great thing about golf. Every day is new.
Jason said last week he was just confident. He said that's why he did so well. Howard said you have to be in some shape to do well. Howard said that some people drink when they play. Jason said you can't do that and win.
Howard asked if he has any superstitions. Jason said he marks his ball in a certain way. He said he marks them with coins from around the world that he has. Howard said a lot of guys are superstitious. Jason said that Keegan has a lot of them. He said he does all kinds of things.
Howard asked Jason if he prays before a game. He said he doesn't but he is a religious man. Howard asked if he ever gets injured. Jason said he's been free of injury for a long time but guys can get knee, elbow or back injuries. He said it's not a natural thing to swing like that.
Howard said he was told that he hit a ball 300 yards when he was out in California. Jason said he saw the video. Howard said that's not his 300 yard hit though. That was just one that his wife caught on camera. Jason said it's not that bad of a hit.
Howard said the big money in golf is the endorsement money. Howard said he has to crack a smile once in a while to get the sponsors. Jason said that he's going to be back there in Jersey City playing again. He said that his chances of winning are very slim. He said that you have to try to be the best in the world that week and it's very tough.
Howard told Jason that what he has to do is yell out Baba Booey himself after he hits. Howard said that this Baba Booey yelling thing is really a phenomenon. Jason said that people are trying to get noticed and it can be pretty funny. Howard said people used to yell Fore! but now they're doing Baba Booey. Jason said they yell out things about potatoes and their own business names too. Howard said that it must be bringing in some new audience to the show.
Howard said he saw that Ian Poulter tweeted that it was enough with the ''Baba Boo'' stuff. Howard said he corrected him on his spelling. He said it must help Jason's game if other guys are bothered by it. Howard said now that he's come out against it then people are going to do it even more. Jason said they need Baba Booey to come out to the Jersey City thing to do the Baba Booey himself.
Jason said that people are yelling out all kinds of things. He said that they yell out Chewbaca and things like that.
Howard asked Jason what Tiger Woods' stance is on the Baba Booey thing. Jason said he'll probably be in the middle somewhere.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has Jason on his fantasy golf team. Howard gave Jason a plug for his web site JasonDufnerCF.com where they do a charity thing. Jason told Howard about what they do and how they help kids with the charity.
Howard asked Jason if he got a cup for winning. Jason said he has it with him. He said it's out in the green room. Howard asked if he gets to keep it. Jason said he does. Howard asked if he got laid at all in high school. Jason said not too much. He said his wife is hot though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he and his buddy used to watch Jason together and he was just killed in a car accident last week. Howard said he was sorry to hear that.
Howard asked Jason where he's living. Jason said he has a house being built in Alabama. He said he has 50 acres of property. He said he's out in the middle of nowhere.
Howard asked Jason if he hates any of the other players. Jason said he doesn't hate them but there are some that can be jerks. He said he's seen guys do stuff in the locker room that would usually get fists thrown. He said they are obnoxious and just jerks. Howard asked if he'll name a name. Jason said not today. Howard asked him to name one guy he doesn't like. Jason said Keegan Bradley but Howard knew he was just joking around.
Gary said he heard that Phil Mickelson might not be a nice guy. Jason said he actually likes him. Howard asked him who rubs him the wrong way. Jason said that Rory Sabbatini is one that seems to rub a lot of people the wrong way. Howard said he bets he's against Baba Booey. Jason said that he would probably like it actually. Howard threw out some names and asked Jason who he doesn't like. Jason said he doesn't really dislike anyone.
Howard bragged to Scott DePace that he was talking to this guy. Scott said he loves it. He said he wanted to play with Jason. Howard said he doesn't have time to play with Scott.
Gary came in and told Howard that Jason has to go. Howard asked him how far he's hit a ball. Jason said that he hit one that was about 410 yards. Howard said he hit that one 300 yards. Howard asked Jason what he's doing today. Jason said he's going to do Kelly and Michael today but he thinks Rebecca Romijn is sitting in.
Howard wrapped up with Jason and said he'll golf with him sometime so he can show him what to do. Howard let Jason go a short time later.
Howard came back and said he talked to the producers of AGT to get AC/DC on the show. He said that would be great.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Jason Dufner interview was great. Howard said he had fun with that. The caller said he really enjoyed it. Robin said that every man thing is working for Jason.
Howard said he just posed with the cup. He said it weighs 20-some pounds or something. Robin said she thought it was 47.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's pissed about the stop and frisk thing. He said he's a retired cop and he can't believe this. He wanted a couple of minutes to inform the audience about what's going on. Howard said that it has been a good thing for the city. He said they took it away because this judge thought it was overkill. The caller said that it's not just stop and frisk. He said it's stop, question and frisk. He said they don't just stop you and frisk you with no good reason. Howard said he wishes they did.
The caller said 8,000 guns were taken off the streets the last few years. He said he hopes the cops end up handcuffing themselves and walk the streets like that because that's what this is like. Howard said he couldn't agree with him more. He let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he is one excellent interviewer. She said that she's a new fan and she bought the Sirius radio just to listen to him. She said that the Brony thing might be a spin off of the Pony Girl thing. Howard said anyone who is fantasizing about a horse is a perversion. Howard said that it's a cartoon horse and it's a problem if you're jerking off to a cartoon vagina.
Howard said these people need to get a job so they don't have time for this nonsense. Howard said people have gone insane. He said there is no decency anymore.
Howard said he read about the sinkhole down near Disney. Howard said he can imagine riding a ride and thinking it's the most accurate earthquake ride ever.
Howard said someone released a message that Monica Lewinsky left years ago and they're just releasing it now. Howard said that it's Monica leaving a message for the President of the United States. Howard played the clip which was Monica taping this message for Clinton. She said she was talking to this Betty woman who was Clinton's assistant. Howard said that this poor Betty woman had to set up an appointment for her. Gary told Howard that this is a tape Monica made for Clinton and it was supposed to have been shredded but she didn't so it was taken by someone who cleaned her house. It was supposed to have been shredded in 1998 but the cleaner held on to it ''for some reason.''
Howard played more of the tape and did his Clinton impression. Howard said he feels bad for this girl. He said she was a young girl who got caught up in all of this stuff. Howard said it's dumb that they kept this evidence around though. Howard did his Clinton impression while he was playing the audio.
Howard said there's more tape. He played another clip where Monica was asking Clinton to talk to Betty so she doesn't have to bother her. She was saying that it was fun talking to him on tape. Howard would answer her in his Clinton voice. Howard said he likes that tape. Robin said she bets Clinton didn't listen to it.
Howard took a call and in his Clinton voice said that tape was 8 BJs long. Howard said just imagine that Clinton but Boris Yeltsen on hold to talk to her.
Howard got to the caller who said she wanted to tell him how gorgeous he looked on AGT in that white shirt and vest. Howard said for some reason people liked him in that. He said his agent thinks that the white shirt made his face look brighter. The caller said it was a different look for him. The caller said that Howard has an Aura about him that works. She said he's been better and better on AGT lately.
The caller also had a couple of shows to recommend to him. She said House of Cards is great on Netflix. She said Orange is the New Black is good as well. Robin said she likes that one. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Howard said he likes the idea of women in prison so he might watch that. Howard said he likes to watch shit on his iPad and it's a pain in the ass to watch it when he needs Wi-Fi. Howard said he needs a faster connection than this 4G LTE thing. He said once we have that then things will be really cool.
Robin read about this woman who racially profiled Oprah in a Swiss boutique. Robin said the woman is saying that she's not racist and the bag she wanted to see was very much like the one she had out and it was very expensive so maybe she'd like some others. Howard said he wishes he didn't know who Oprah is like this shop worker did. Howard said that he thinks it was a racist thing though.
Robin read about the Paula Deen case and how something was thrown out of court. Howard said that he has a song for her and played the song he played early this morning where they say the N-word over and over. Robin said that the judge threw this case out finding that the woman who filed the case was not the target of racial bias.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been a huge inspiration in his life. He wanted to thank him for that. The caller said that he's been inspired to be successful in his practice. He said he does financial services.
Howard said Katy Perry's song was leaked onto the internet. He said he doesn't believe that. Howard said they did the same with a Lady Gaga song. Howard played some of the Katy Perry song and said it sounds like it could be a hit. Howard played the leaked Lady Gaga song ''Applause'' and said it's such a horrible job to figure out what people want to hear. Howard wondered how you make a hit song. He said it's a crazy business.
Robin read a story about the woman who fell off a boat in the middle of the night and died. Robin said they have decided that there was no foul play. Robin said the relatives aren't so sure. Robin said that they aren't charging the husband at this time. Howard said people assume just because your wife falls off the boat that the guy is guilty. Howard said if you don't like your wife then it might be a great way to get rid of her. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the Michael Jackson wrongful debt court case and how they revealed that Michael was half a billion dollars in debt. Robin said they say Michael loved to shop. He had all kinds of stuff. Howard said he saw video of him shopping in Las Vegas once and he was buying the most gaudy crap.
Robin read about how CBS is not on Time Warner Cable in New York City right now. Howard said people are pissed too. They took off the local CBS station and Showtime as well. Howard said that the FCC might have to step in to settle this. Howard said when he ran for governor of New York he was going to do a few things and step down. Howard said he had a simple platform and he was up to 18 percent in the polls. Howard said that he wanted to keep it simple and help people get to the beach by taking down the tolls going to Jones Beach. Howard said that TV is very important to people. He said his mom is like that. He said that he loves TV so much. Howard said when these cable companies argue you want to smack them in the head. Howard said they should just work it out. Howard said if they did this while he was in office he'd have to go to war.
Robin said Breaking Bad has been very good for AMC. Robin said they had the biggest audience for the show ever. Robin said they are going out with a big bang in the final episodes.
Howard said CBS is looking for more money from Time Warner. Howard said the other day on FOX News they were doing a story on what's going on with Time Warner and CBS and Sal was walking by so they got an interview with him on FOX News. Howard played the clip and Sal was telling them to stop being such greedy pigs. The reporter said that guy doesn't mince words. Sal came in and said he doesn't even have Time Warner. He said he told them he did though.
Howard asked Sal about Tan Mom biting his face and then grabbing his cock. Sal said she almost took a chunk out of his face. Howard said he did some good dancing during her song too. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing that on Howard TV.
Howard asked Robin if she has anything else. Robin said the clown who put the Obama mask on at the rodeo and asked if people wanted to see him get gored by a bull is now out of work. Robin said they imposed a lifetime ban for the guy from the Missouri State Fair.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw on cable TV where they had a blacks only dating web site. He said he's wondering if whites had something similar if that would be racism. Howard said this is very early in the morning to be trying to figure this out. Howard said most of the networks would not feature black entertainers so that's why something like BET happens. Howard said there are web sites that are for certain groups of people. He said that these things can be good for society. Gary asked how many cable channels are devoted to black people. Howard said it's one. Gary said he's not sure why this guy is complaining. He said all of the other channels are devoted to white people. Howard said the guy is bent out of shape over something he shouldn't be. The caller said that he's sick of hearing about the racist stuff when there's racism on both sides.
Howard said he bets that the caller uses the N-word. The caller said he has and he has even said it to a black person. He said it's just a joke though. Gary said that he's surprised that everyone in the world is surprised when someone is a racist. Howard said there are so many racists in the world. He said this guy shouldn't be so shocked. Howard said he has a song for him and played some of that N-word song he played earlier.
Robin read about the New Jersey guys who won a $400 million lottery. Robin said that there were 16 guys in the group that won. They got to take home $3.5 million each since they weren't the only winners. Howard said that's a nice payday.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to ask about when Stephen Colbert was on AGT and if he came and asked about getting on there. Howard said he just goes there to judge and then he's told that they're doing a taping with him. Howard said he knows nothing about it. He said they tell him to just hit his X. Howard said he doesn't want to be in something he doesn't know about. He said they wear you down and you get crazy from it. Howard said it's special to him when he's asked to do something. Howard said he doesn't just go on anything. Howard said he talked to Stephen about it and he was a very nice guy. He said he saw the bit and it was fun. He said he really doesn't know what they book him to do on the show. Howard said they put him in something he didn't agree to do. He said it just happens. Howard said they usher him around and stick him in this stuff. Howard said they have him booked for interviews he doesn't want to do. He said he just wants to judge.
Howard said Mel B walked right in on an interview and asked if they were ready for her yet. Howard said she walked right out when they said they were still doing the interview. Howard said he's too nice. He said he's sick of it. He said he has to be more like Robin and crack the whip.
Robin said that the web site of the Dalai Lama's web site is infected with a virus that could infect your computer. Howard said that he can't think of anything more ridiculous than hacking a site like that to infect people who are visiting that site.
Robin said that the Social Security administration is accepting claims from same sex couples now. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how it's legal for women who think they're men to use the men's bathroom. Howard thought about what it would be like to have gone to high school as a girl. He said he might have done better if he had done that.
Robin read about it being primary day in New Jersey for the senate seat that's available. Robin had some audio of Cory Booker out on the campaign trail. Howard was still on going to school as a girl and doing his female voice. He did an impression of his mother and father talking about how he wanted to go to school as a girl.
Robin read about the 16 year old girl who was abducted by a friend of her family. Robin said the girl was rescued and the man was shot and killed. Robin said that they said she was in good condition but she couldn't have been. Robin said she had to be in distress. Robin had audio of someone talking about the duress she was under. They also had audio of the official talking about how the man was shot after he took a shot at them. Robin said the father of the 16 year old is thanking officials for what they did and asking for some privacy. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how a man has come forward as the one who threw a banana at a baseball player during a game. Robin had some audio of the player talking about the banana and how it's a safety issue when someone throws something at you on the field. Robin said the guy who threw the banana threw it in disgust when the team lost 10-2.
Howard did his Jay Leno impression and said that his last show is next February. Howard said NBC is thinking of keeping Jay around and he's sure that if Jimmy Fallon's show doesn't do well they'll bring Jay back again. Howard said he should just leave. He said the guy just loves NBC. Howard said he likes NBC too but he doesn't understand why they're treating him the way they do.
Robin read about a poll about the Anthony Weiner thing and how embarrassing it is to the city. Robin said they found that a lot of people find it embarrassing but some find it entertaining. Howard said he's not the one who should be embarrassed, Anthony Weiner should.
Robin read about a man who shot himself just hours after his wife gave birth. Robin said that the guy had been distraught.
Robin read about a 12 year old boy in Florida who came down with a case of a brain eating amoeba. Robin said the amoeba travels through the brain after getting inhaled from tainted water. Howard said we're doomed. He said he wishes he had a dome over him. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:10am.
Jon and Gary were also talking about the AGT call time and how Howard isn't thrilled with that. Gary said that he went one night and saw how much pre-taping they were doing and how long it takes to do all of that stuff.
Jon and Gary talked about the Brony-Con interviews that Wolfie did and some of the wacky stuff that was coming from the convention goers. They were also talking about how odd it is for guys to be into something that's made for little girls.
Jon brought up the Monica Lewinsky tape and asked Gary what he thought of it. Gary said that he feels bad for Monica for being betrayed a few times. He said she was 20 years old when it all happened but Clinton is the one who should have known better than to do what he did.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Tan Mom. He said she was sober and not all over the place in some ways. He said she was all over the place with the song though.
Jon said Sal came in and he is really into this woman. Gary said Sal came to him asking if he could dance for her today. He said he had to ask Howard if they could do that.
Gary said Sal's joke went over like a lead balloon. He had his penis painted like Tan Mon. Sal said it didn't work out the way they expected. Gary said he was a hit today because he recovered after that. Gary asked Sal if he feels a weird connection with her. Sal said he likes that she's putting herself together but she's taking herself too seriously.
Gary asked if he would go out with her on a date. Sal said he would but on a date where he wouldn't have to spend much money. Sal said he'd give it to her too. He said he has great legs and nice bosom. Gary said he was looking at them and thinking if Sal were Benjy, they'd be at the Christmas party this year. Sal said he's right.
Jon asked Sal about why he's into her. Sal said there is no intimidation factor with her. He said you ask if you can pee in her butt hole and she walks out it's nothing gained nothing lost. He said you can't do that with a hot chick.
Jon asked what happened when Tan Mom bit him. Sal said he took a picture with her and she threw him on the couch and then bit him. He said she grabbed his package too. He said that he had to tell her that he's married. He reminded her that they're on tape.
Jon took a call from a woman who told Sal how gross he is talking the way he does. Gary told her that her husband probably talks like that when he's not around her. Sal said he's just expressing his fantasies.
Sal was going on about what it is that turns him on about Tan Mom. They spent a few more minutes on that and then went to break.
Jon asked Sal if he's into any cartoons at all. Sal asked Jon if he's into any. Jon said he's not. Gary said he's not either but he once saw a poster of Popeye fucking Olive and it was very disturbing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there are Tan Moms all over the place in Maryland where he was on vacation. Gary said that they're fat down there according to Sal. Sal said he's never seen so many fat people in one place. Jon asked if he gets disgusted by that. Sal said he's not sure why they don't stop eating at some point.
Gary said he took his kids to Sesame Place once and a woman got stuck in the water slide. He said the lifeguard ended up just putting her foot on the woman's back and pushed her down like she did it many times a day.
Sal said he was on a flight once and this woman was so big the seatbelt didn't fit her. She called over the flight attendant and she got her an extender. Gary said Artie once said he had to get one. Sal said it must be depression or something that makes people eat so much. Sal said you have to put the woman's weight down when you get married so you have something to argue in court if you get divorced.
Sal said if the body breaks down you have to go out and find a new one. He asked Jon if he would buy a new car if his current car broke down. Of course he would.
Gary brought up how Scott DePace asked Jason to golf with him. Will said he wouldn't do that. He said that Keegan is the hard core Howard Stern Show fan. He said that he would do anything to get on the show. He said Jason was good today though.
DePace came in and asked Keegan to play golf with him too. Jon asked why they would play with him. Scott said he's a Stern guy so maybe they'd ask about that. Gary asked if he should ask Dave Grohl if he can jam with him. Scott said his golf game is better than Gary's trumpet playing.
Gary said he's been asking people on Twitter about why people have to be quiet at a golf game but not at a baseball game. Scott said you have to be perfect when you hit. He said in baseball it can become white noise with so many people out there.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks the Baba Booey thing is annoying. Scott said he would never do it and if he could change it then he would. Will said people have been yelling at golf tournaments forever. It's nothing new. It's just the Baba Booey thing that's new. Scot said he thinks that it's going to go on forever now that Howard talks about it. Gary asked if Howard is good for golf. Scott said it's good but it's a country club game and it's kind of weird to bring that into it. Will and Gary said it's kind of like Happy Gilmore.
Scott said it was weird to see Jason dressed in a jacket today. He said that it was a different thing. Gary said the PGA guys were thrilled to be there today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they were talking about Howard on the PGA channel and how they might implement a rule about ejecting people who yell out like that. Gary asked why yelling that out is any worse than yelling out ''In the hole!'' or something like that. The caller said that he doesn't think it's a big deal. The caller also said that Ian Poulter also asked Howard why he has more followers than Howard does. Gary said he thought the guy was just being goofy about that. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he and Ross went to see a Knicks and Bulls game and they had seats right behind the Bulls bench. He said that they had a guy named Bill Cartright on the team. He said Ross started yelling Medical Bill for four quarters. He said after the fourth quarter the guy gave Ross a look like ''are you fucking kidding me'' and Ross was thrilled. Steve Brandano said that he had Bill at his New Year's Eve party once and he was the best. Will said Steve's apartment has like 6 foot high ceilings so he had to bend over in there.
Gary talked about being a host at a TGI Fridays. He said they used to have a 2 hour wait when they first opened. He said it was crazy how people would try to bribe him to get them in earlier.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered how Robin would feel if someone yelled out Baba Booey during a tennis game. Will said he could see Robin getting pissed off at something like that. Gary said if the point is already made then it's not a big deal.
Gary said he thinks they should make up giant Beetlejuice heads for college ball and stuff like that. Steve said there was a giant Baba Booey head at a game this weekend. He said JD should have that. The guys spent a little more time on that and then ended the show. They were done at 11:00am.
Eric The 6'1'', 275 Pound Mouse. 8/15/97. 6:30am
This guy (High Pitch Eric) called in this morning for some reason. Howard said that the guy stands outside of the radio station telling him that he can do interviews and stuff like that. The guy is 6'1'' tall and weighs 275 pounds but his voice sounds like Mickey Mouse. It sounds like he's doing a fake voice but he's not. He kind of sounds like he's doing a Jackie The Joke Man impression. Howard invited him down to the studio. Maybe we have another Wack Pack member here. He came in about 8:25. He said he's never gotten laid. Howard said that he's not that bad looking, it's just his voice that must freak women out. He could have had his voice fixed with an operation but he'd have to be awake for the surgery. He was at some appearance that Gary was making and Gary thought the guy was retarded at first. Today he's more normal according to Gary. Howard took a couple of phone calls from women who were willing to date him. Eventually they found a wacky woman by the name of Pipi. She says she used to be a slut but she's not anymore. She's 5'3'' tall, 110 pounds with a 36 DD chest. The two of them will go out on a date and have it taped. They'll be back on at a future date. Before he left he tried inhaling helium to see if his voice would change...it didn't the first time but after they told him how to do it correctly it changed slightly. Rosie Perez came in so he left.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he had to make a number 2 and he had to do it on the air. Howard told Fred to take him out of delay so he could do this. Fred said they had to do this a certain way and it wasn't that simple. Howard told him to just make it happen.
Howard had to wait a short time before they could do this. They eventually got him out of delay. Howard said he's going to be in the can listening to Robin do the news. He asked Fred to come over and do the carts from his spot. Fred said he could do that.
Howard said he would never do this but he's so uncomfortable. Howard asked Gary where the wireless microphone is. Robin said he just ran out with it. Gary told him it's not ready yet. Howard said he has to go to the bathroom now. He said the turtle is poking its head out. Gary told him to take the microphone. Howard ran off.
Howard said Gange followed him into the bowl. Howard said he has to put paper on the bowl first. He asked Gange not to stay in there. He told him he's going to the bathroom and he doesn't want that taped. Then he told him to just keep the camera on him. Howard said he's not even going to line the toilet. He said he's just going now.
Robin started her news while Howard was trying to go. She read a few stories and Howard continued to go while he was on microphone. Howard said Gange has his shirt pulled up around his nose. Howard said it's really bad in there. Robin said it's like the call of doody. Howard said he's on his second courtesy flush. Gange said he can smell it through his shirt.
Robin continued her news and Howard finished up in the bathroom. He said that Gange held the camera in one hand and serviced him with the other. Howard said he washed his hands when he was done. Howard said that was a little bit messy. He said the thing was the size of a midget. Howard said he had an accident in there and he doesn't want to look at his underpants. Robin said she's never done anything like this on the air. Howard thanked her and said he's on a roll. Howard said no one ever lets him go to the bathroom while everyone else can. Howard said he has to apologize to the audience. Robin said he enjoyed every moment of that. Howard said he didn't finish so he may have to go again later. He said that he only did about 3/4 of it. He did the main portion of it though. Billy West asked if it was more poopie or more water. Howard said ''Thanks Mommy'' and they wrapped up.
Fabio Comes In. 8/15/01. 8:20am
Model Fabio came in this morning to promote the movie ''Bubble Boy'' which he appears in alongside popular Stern Show guest Beetlejuice. The movie opens August 24th.
Early on in the interview Howard said that he thinks Fabio was created by Hitler to be the ''perfect man'' and they joked about that through the whole segment. Fabio was even telling Howard that he has kept up his looks over the years too. He also kept referring to Robin and her beautiful breasts over and over again through the interview. Craig Gass' ''Sam Kinison'' was also in screaming about what a perfect guy Fabio was and how he doesn't have to be known for anything other than just being ''Fabio.''
Fabio is so good looking according to Howard that he thinks he could sell his sperm for $10,000 a pop if he wanted to. Robin said she'd even take some of that. Fabio said he'd do Robin for free though.
Howard said that Fabio wasn't allowed to come on the show for the past 3 years because the ''I Can't Believe it's not Butter'' company people wouldn't let him do the show. Now he's moved on and he's allowed back on the show. He said that company was very conservative and they just didn't want him doing Howard's show. Howard also brought up the incident where Fabio was riding a roller coaster and was hit in the face by a goose while doing about 70 miles per hour. People said it was a miracle that he lived because the goose weighed about 30 pounds. Howard said he survived because he was ''...manufactured by Hitler to be the perfect man!'' Fabio said he was upset with the people that owned the amusement park because they should have done something about the ride because it went over a pond where hundreds of geese lived. It was just a matter of time before someone got smashed by a goose. ''Sam Kinison'' theorized that to get back at the geese, Fabio went back to the park and had sex with all of them.
Howard questioned Fabio about his age because there were two different ages given for him when they did their research. He was either 40 of 42 and Fabio admitted that he's 42. That's what it says on his driver's license. His passport says he's 40 for some reason. We also learned that he is uncircumcised after Howard asked him about that. He said he's had no problem with that through his life and Howard told him he wished his parents had left him uncircumcised also.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Fabio but no one had much of anything to say. One woman said Fabio invited her back to his apartment but nothing happened because she was married. Her whole story was pointless other than to say that Fabio was a nice guy.
Howard found out that Fabio has an older brother and a younger sister so he wanted to find out if their looks are as good as Fabio's. Fabio said they're just fine and his sister is prettier than he is. Gary heard that his brother looks like fat Benjy the intern/writer. Fabio just said both of his siblings are just fine though.
Howard wrapped up the interview asking Fabio about the ''love of his life'' that he lost. Fabio said he loved a woman by the name of Jennifer but he blew it with the relationship and he's hoping that he'll get a second chance with her someday. Fabio also told Howard that he's working behind the scenes in some animated TV programs instead of doing the modeling thing.
In the clip Howard said they had Mickey Mantle on the show and he didn't get to see him after that. Howard said he met the legend and he graced this planet. Howard said it only happens once in a lifetime. Howard said none were as grand as Mickey. Robin asked what he was saying. Howard said he didn't write this down. He's just doing it off the cuff. He said a few more words and Fred played a version of ''Take Me Out to the Ball Game'' that was played with a trumpet. Howard also played some audio of his interview with Mickey.
Howard said that Mickey enjoyed the program and that's kind or rare. He said a legend like that usually doesn't enjoy the show. Howard said he wasn't retarded like some people thought. He said it's just that Southern accent that made him sound that way. Howard played more of the Mickey Mantle interview after that.
Howard said a few more words about Mickey and then said goodbye to him. Howard applauded himself for the eulogy. Howard said that was very touching.
Gary said that Howard had one other meeting with Mickey that he didn't remember. Howard went to the opening of his restaurant and Mickey was very touched that he showed up unannounced. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he walked into the restaurant and Mickey's face lit up. Howard said Mickey had people who were sucking up to him because of his fame. He said he wasn't like that and he showed up when Mickey's fame had started to fade.
Robin read a fax she got about Mickey. The writer was talking about their run in with Mickey and how he cursed people out at the show they went to.
Howard told more stories about meeting Mickey. Gary said he was listening to a sports radio station where they were taking phone calls and one guy from Brooklyn said he had been crying since he heard the news. They spent a little more time on that and then wrapped up.
Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Calls In. 08/15/07. 7:30am
Howard came back from break right after doing a live commercial. He had Buzz Aldrin on the phone so he wanted to get right to him. He got him on the line and asked him about being in the military and what he did when he was in the air force. Buzz said that he shot down a couple of MIG fighters when he was in there. He said that after being in combat, flying to the moon wasn't that big of a deal. He said that was really being scared, being in combat.
Buzz said that when people are trying to shoot you, that's real fear. He said that training to fly to the moon was much different. Howard told him how much he respected him for doing something like that. He can't imagine being in combat himself.
Howard asked Buzz if it was the best part of his life going to the moon like that. Buzz said that there isn't much walking going on because your feet are useless since there's no gravity. He was trying to explain that but Howard cut him off and asked him about the Ali G interview he had done one time. Buzz said he had never heard of the guy before and then he shows up in that yellow outfit of his. Howard asked him if it pisses him off that people don't believe that he went to the moon. Buzz said that it doesn't bother him, it's just people trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.
Buzz said that he's been confronted on that many times and someone once said that the best people to ask would be the Russians. If anyone would have called them out on faking that moon landing, it would have been the Russians.
Howard talked to Buzz about Neil Armstrong and told him that he thinks that Buzz should have been the first one to walk on the moon because of his military background. He went on to ask Buzz about what happened after he walked on the moon because his life kind of fell apart. Buzz said that he had depression in his family and his mother took her life a year before he went to the moon. He said that he lived a very structured life growing up and when all of that happened, it was kind of tough to live his life with all the fame.
Howard asked Buzz if he had a lot of chicks after that moon thing. He figured that women must really like that. Buzz said he really didn't have a lot of women back then. He said he was a heavy drinker but now he's been sober for 28 years now. He seemed to change the subject to get away from the ''poontang'' comments.
Buzz talked about what it's like being weightless and how cool that is. He said they didn't use that word back then because they were trying to stay cool in their outfits. He said that it's like being underwater when you're in space. He talked about some of the training he did and what that was like.
Howard asked Buzz about seeing a UFO up there. Buzz said that there was a book written about that but he didn't see anything, he just saw a piece of the rocket following them. Howard said that Buzz's real name isn't Buzz. Buzz said it is now, he had it legally changed about 20 years ago. He said that he was born Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr. Though.
Howard read in the tabloids that Buzz had gotten a face lift. He told him he really doesn't need that. He said he had a bit of a drooping chin so he had to have something done. He said that he's just as vain as Howard is so he had to do it.
Howard said that Buzz is promoting this 3 day 2 night stay in Orlando. Buzz said that this is the same company that offers free stays out in Las Vegas. He said that all you have to do is call this company at 866-67-GO-WIN and you can get a free hotel stay in Orlando. If you do it in the next 15 minutes, they'll throw in tickets to some Orlando attractions. Buzz said that he's done it himself and it's a nice time.
Artie told Buzz about Scott DePace's Video Caddy and said that if he had flown to the moon today, he could have used that to tape himself. Howard told Buzz that if he's ever in New York he'd like to take him to Scores and they'll get some broads together. Buzz said that his wife is always with him so she'd have to come with them.
Howard asked Buzz if he ever had two broads at once back in the 60s. Buzz said he couldn't recall ever doing anything like that. He said he never did drugs or anything like that either. He said he was a pipe smoker but that was it. He said he never smoked weed because that was a different generation.
Howard asked Buzz if he hates Neil Armstrong. Buzz said he doesn't hate him, they get together once in a while. He said Neil has a younger wife who gets him out moving around once in a while. They spent a few minutes talking about him and then started to wrap up. Howard gave him a plug for his web site BuzzAldrin.com. Buzz said he's working on space craft that could replace the Space Shuttle when they have to retire them. He also said he's creating lotteries to get people into space when they start regular flights up there.
Howard asked Buzz about his three marriages. Buzz said that the second one was tough. Howard thanked Buzz for calling in and gave him another plug for that 866-67-GO-WIN number. He asked Buzz if he had any famous chicks back then when he was flying around. Buzz said he didn't want to get into any trouble and didn't want to talk about that stuff. Artie said that the good thing about the moon is that you can take a fat chick up there and she'd be weightless. Buzz said that you do have to come home though.
Howard told Buzz that he's a hero and he respects what they have to do. He asked Buzz what he thinks about us being in Iraq. He thinks that it was a good idea and now maybe they're doing the right thing. He thinks that if we pulled out of there now, it would turn into a complete mess. Howard said that it's pretty much a mess now though. They spent a minute on that and then Howard asked Buzz if he uses viagra. Buzz said he might use it if Howard gave him some free samples.
Howard told Buzz to come in there sometime and tell them about the famous chicks he banged. Buzz said that he hung out with Gina Lollobrigida. He didn't say he had sex with her but he did ''go around the world'' with her. Howard asked him if he tried to have sex with her. Buzz said he didn't because there were too many people watching.
Howard asked Buzz if he thinks there's life on other planets. Buzz said there must be some place out there that can support life. He figures that it wouldn't be like us though. Howard told Buzz that it was a pleasure talking to him and let him go. Buzz seemed to enjoy it as well.
Howard said he saw a picture of Buzz in the tabloids after his surgery and the poor guy still had the dressing on his face. He said he seemed like a good dude. He then played the Ali G show clip where he interviewed Buzz. He asked him a bunch of dopey questions about the moon. He asked what the people were like up there on the moon and if he thinks that man will ever walk on the sun. Ali G asked him what he thinks about all of these people who think the moon doesn't exist. Buzz told him that it does exist and they have landed there. Ali G told a bunch of goofy jokes and jerked him around for a few minutes and then calls him Buzz Lightyear at the end of the interview.
Howard said that Buzz really was a good guy. He read that Buzz really was pissed off that he didn't walk on the moon first but it was a publicity thing. Gary came in and said he just read the Neil Armstrong book and they say that Buzz was in the military so that's why they didn't send him up there first. They didn't want the world to look at it like we were trying to take over the moon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Fred to play the ''Whitey's on the Moon'' song that they used to play all the time. Fred tried to find it while they continued to talk about Buzz's call. Howard asked Fred if he found that song yet. Fred said he wasn't able to find it in the system.
Another caller said that he enjoyed that Lou Dobbs story Howard told yesterday. He said he's a fan of Lou's and he enjoyed hearing the story. He started to explain what he likes about Lou but Howard cut him off and said he just saw the guy smoking 5 cigarettes (in 15 minutes) out on the street. He let that guy go and said it was pretty cool talking to a guy who landed on the moon. He said he really shouldn't have to get a face lift though. He said he wants to tell the guy he doesn't have to listen to these broads who think he needs one.
Howard said a dude just never looks good with a face lift. He said that Al Pacino, Burt Reynolds and Michael Douglas just don't look right these days. He said there may be some guys out there who have had them done and you can't tell, but there are these others who look downright scary.
Howard said there are a lot of guys out there doing the Botox thing too. Robin said there's something called Restilin too and she didn't know what that was. Howard said that's something you shoot in your lips.
Melrose Larry Green called in again and said that the Buzz interview was brilliant. Robin asked why he's calling in so often these days. Melrose said he had an epiphany and started to kiss Howard's ass some more. Howard hung up on him and went to break.
Beetlejuice Song Stuck In Howard's Head. 08/15/05. 7:45am
Howard said he couldn't get the Beetlejuice Song out of his head over the weekend. He said he couldn't get either version out of his head. He was singing Beet's version and the version that Staind did. He thinks that the band could have a hit with that song. As he was getting ready to go to break he played Beet's version of the song and sang along to it. He then tried to play the Staind version but the CD player wasn't working and kept skipping. He eventually got it to work for about 5 seconds before it crapped out again. He said he hopes the equipment over at SIRIUS works better than this stuff does. Gary came in and told Howard that they've complained about that CD player to Scott the Engineer but nothing has been done about it. Howard put it in a different player and got the Staind version of The Beetlejuice Song to play. After the song was done, he said he figured out why the CD player wasn't working. He also heard that Gary was in the studio playing Hall & Oates on his board last week but Gary said that was absolutely not true. Howard said that he loves that Staind version of the song. They also had Beet sing a heavy metal song last week. He had a little taste of that one. Beetlejuice sings about himself once again. Some of the lyrics from that song...
I don't know cause I look good
but I'm tryin to get laid
Beetle know what he get when he wants
I look like a kango but I'm getting the hango
The lyrics don't make much sense, but you have to remember that they're coming from Beetlejuice, the tiny headed dwarf who once spelled the word red 'LSTER.' Howard mentioned that they had the Intern Beauty Pageant coming up next and ended up talking about his cousin who has been working there as an intern this semester. He said he feels bad he didn't spend time talking to him more this semester.
Gary The Retard Calls In. 08/15/07. 8:35am
Howard said that Jim Florentine was going to come in and hang out with them today. He said that he's making a return after that big tragedy in his life. Howard said that he was going to come in soon but went on to read a story about the people at YouTube calling Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert into court to find out if their clips being put on YouTube has helped their careers. Howard said that they should call him into that case so he can comment on what he thinks about their service. Howard said that they let people post copyrighted stuff and he doesn't need them ''helping'' his career.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his wife thinks that Howard is beautiful and sexy and they have 4 radios in their cars and house. He also said that he had a game to play with them where they had to come up with 50 voices that they've done in the past. Howard hung right up on the guy.
Gary the Retard called in and said that he was waiting on hold since 3 in the morning. He said he heard a rumor that High Pitch Eric was out on the street. Howard said that wasn't a rumor, he was evicted from his apartment because he didn't pay his rent. Artie said he heard a rumor about Gary, that he eats his own shit. Gary went off on him saying that was bullshit. Artie kept telling him about a bunch of other things he heard Gary does. Gary said he heard that Artie was leaving the show. Artie didn't know how he could hear that with cock in his ear.
Artie asked Gary how old he was on his last birthday. Gary said he had Artie beat because he's 55 and Artie is only 39. Artie called him a bunch of names and tried to get him all worked up. Howard asked Gary if he jerks off. Gary said he doesn't do that shit. Howard found that hard to believe. Gary kept saying he doesn't do it though.
Howard asked Gary if he knows what it means to jerk off. Gary said he knows it means to beat your meat. He said he's never touched himself down there. Gary said that he was told that it's wrong to do it so he doesn't do it. Howard told him that he does it himself and rubs himself until stuff comes out. Then Gary said that he doesn't do it all that often. He said he did it but didn't like it. Artie figured that he had his penis stuck in something right then.
Howard asked Gary why he was lying about the jerking off thing. He asked Gary if he wanted to do it right then on the phone with him. He said they could do a circle jerk. Artie added that Gary is the jerk. Howard asked Gary how many times a day he jerks off. Gary said ''about one.'' Howard asked him what he uses as lube. Gary said that he just beats it off and goes to bed. Robin thought it was funny that it was now once a day from ''never.''
Howard asked Gary who he would like to have sex with now. Gary has thought about a lot of women and he was a fan of Miss Howard Stern's. Howard asked him how he cleans up his mess. Gary said it all gets in his underwear and he just washes his hands. He leaves his load in his underwear and just changes it the next morning.
Howard told him that he could just beat off into a tissue and throw it away. Gary was never thought how to do that. Howard asked Gary if it's uncomfortable. Gary said ''yes it is'' which got the guys laughing. Howard suggested to Gary that he shoot that stuff out into a tissue so he doesn't have to mess up his underwear. Gary said that has never occurred to him at all. Artie was laughing as Howard was giving Gary the advice. Howard asked Gary what he thinks about that. Gary said that sounded okay to him. Howard said that he probably can't wipe his ass right either.
Howard told Gary to give it a try today and jerk off into tissues and let him know how it works out. Gary said that he'd do that but he has to work today. Howard played Gary the prank call they played earlier where Richard called him and told him that he had Robin on the phone. They had Robin moaning as if she was getting off and Gary thought that's what he was really hearing.
Howard let Gary go a short time after that. Artie said that he's one of his favorite callers. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 8:55am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 9:45am.