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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show wondering why they get up so early. He said the show is on 24 hours a day. He said his alarm went off this morning and he can't believe he's still getting up at 4 in the morning. He said it's the stupidest thing ever.
Howard said he read that Paul Winchel died in 2005 and he didn't realize it had been that long. Howard said he saw World War Z this weekend too. He said that there was a Sirius mention. Robin said she saw that. Howard said Robin didn't catch it. Howard said there was a scene where you could see it. It wasn't something to hear. Howard asked Robin why she always has to know. Robin said she thought there was something where Sirius was mentioned. Howard said in the opening credits a Stock exchange ticker goes by and Siri is up on the ticker. That's where it was mentioned.
Howard said he liked the movie and had fun with it. He said the problem is that we have The Walking Dead and so many zombie things going on. Howard said he liked it though. Robin said the zombies move too fast and you never know how the plague starts or anything like that. Robin said everyone knew what a zombie was though. They all accepted that there were zombies.
Howard said Mel Brooks' son wrote that movie or the book it was based on. Howard said he thought that was amazing. Howard said a lot of times a kid will get into show business and not do that well. He said this kid can apparently write.
Howard said he's watching the Mel Brooks tribute show. He said he has it on his DVR. Robin said she was watching a show about Marilyn Monroe. Howard said he doesn't want to see that. He doesn't like that. Robin said that she was really beautiful. Robin said women get plastic surgery to get that beautiful. Howard said she'd be fat by today's standards. Robin said that was the later Marilyn. She said she was thin and voluptuous.
Howard said he stayed up and watched True Blood. He said that show is a waste of his time. He said it kind of sucked. He said it lost its way. He said maybe it's been on too long. He said it's kind of a bummer. He said he was bummed out watching it last night and wondered why he wasn't in bed sleeping.
Howard said Beth is so attentive. The caller said Howard shows it with his photos. Howard said they got the kittens and Beth set up a room for them. He said they have everything in the room. He said they have a jungle gym and they're being fed and all of that. Howard said the litter box is cleaned every 10 minutes. He said a lot of fans are putting in applications to own the kittens. Howard said Beth is going to hand deliver every cat. Howard said he's so attached to them now. He said he's so worried about them.
Howard said they have named them Tarzan, Brenda Star and other names. Robin asked about shoes in a picture of the kittens. Howard said he got an email from someone saying that Robin is very critical of him. He said they might be right. Howard said he has to read this email to her. Howard read that email and the person pointed out how she pounces on him at every chance she gets. Howard said this person thinks that she's so miserable that she's taking it out on him. Howard said if Robin doesn't bust his balls, who will? Howard said she can do what she wants.
Howard got back to the cats and said that they have a lot of families that want them. He said it's been great. He said there's one that he doesn't want to give away. He said he loves Tarzan. He said that the cat lays on his lap and wants his belly rubbed. He said they're so fucking cute. Howard said they're not that old. He said they're just a couple of weeks. Howard said they're eating on their own and using their litter box. Howard said Robin would love them.
Howard said they have one named Gwyneth. The caller said she's very cute too. Howard said she was on a dinner plate when he took a shot of her. Howard said he tweeted that out. Howard said someone asked if he was going to eat her. Howard said everyone has the same dumb comment.
Howard said he's sure that he'll be doing another litter of foster cats. He said that he's already heard about another litter.
Howard said they have a friend who was on the side of the road and saw a cat giving birth. Howard said it was coming into Manhattan. Howard said she had them but didn't have access to people to help. He said she has them now. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said she saw a litter of kittens under a house this weekend. Howard said the biggest mistake you can make is to take a litter away from the mother. He said the mother might be out hunting. Robin said this mother was taking care of them. Robin said they're now going to be homeless. Robin said if no one takes them in they're going to be wild. Howard said Robin has another job to do then.
Howard said to all of the people waiting for their kittens, he's taking photos of them. The caller said the photos are amazing. Howard said he's so busy with the cats and the pictures. He said that he did a spread on Beth in bathing suits for a magazine. He said it's like a full time job for her. He said he's busy with pictures and animals and he came to work to relax.
The caller said that she has a Bubba update if he wants one. Howard said he can tell her about Bubba. Howard said Tim gave him a tape of Bubba's son in a race car winning a race. Howard said that he was watching this kid at 10 racing and it's the most dangerous thing. Howard said the kid is only 10 years old. Robin said he's been driving since he was 3. The caller said that the kid is more safe than anyone there. She said that he's very aware of safety around the race track. Howard said the kid gets knocked off the track and comes back to win it. He said it's amazing. The caller said the kid is doing great and Bubba is a great dad. Howard said he has to go. He said he's not getting anywhere with her. He said she's a nice woman but he can't get anywhere. Robin said it was like swimming up stream.
Howard said when they first go to NBC radio Robin wasn't there yet. Howard said he and Fred were there and it was horrible. He said he got sick to his stomach the other night when he was over there doing the Jimmy Fallon show. Howard said it's such a nice building but the job environment was horrible. He said they were in the NBC building and you'd think it would be so positive. Howard said it was legendary. He said when he pulls in there he gets ill because it was such a horrible experience. Howard said he can't even tell you how terrible they treated him even before they got on the air.
Howard said Imus was the morning guy and he used to do pre-recorded bits. Howard said now Imus sounds like him doing a talk show. He said back then he was doing bits that were awful. He said he was doing Moby Worm and Billy Saul Hargus. Howard said they were really bad. Howard said they got there and he was told he couldn't talk more than 90 seconds at a time. Howard said it takes him that long to warm up. He said he and Fred had to come up with a bit. Slim Whitman commercials were all over TV at the time so they came up with an idea to defeat an alien invasion by playing Slim Whitman music. Howard said the bit wasn't all that great. He said it was just dumb. Howard said it was so stupid but years later the movie came out called ''Mars Attacks'' and the way to defeat the aliens was with Slim Whitman music. Howard said that one of the characters names was Norris and someone must have heard the bit and made a movie out of it. Howard said that's fucking crazy. Howard said someone must have liked that bit they threw together. He said it wasn't dirty or anything and that's what NBC was worried about. Howard said he's like to know how that whole thing happened.
Howard said that James Gandolfini died of a heart attack over the weekend. Howard said he saw that people were taking pictures of him eating at a restaurant and that's not cool. Howard said the NY Post had pictures of him eating his last meal. Howard said they did this whole thing showing what he was eating and his son was at the restaurant with him. He said that Gandolfini had two beers and some other drinks. Howard said he had fried shrimp with mayonnaise on it. He said that they have shitty food in Italy too apparently. He said that he was super interested in the story so the NY Post must know what people are interested in. He said they were showing that he was basically an alcoholic and he didn't realize that.
Howard said he had some odd encounters with James Gandolfini. Howard said he was in the paper a lot a while back. Howard said he mentioned that to Robin that he was in the paper a lot. He said that he told Robin that he must call the paper to get in there so much. Howard said he got a personal note from James and he told him that he's a very good father and he didn't need to get the Post to show that to people. He said that he is outside a lot and that's why he's photographed a lot. Howard said James said it was bullshit and offensive to say that he called the paper himself. Howard said that he was right and he felt bad talking about him like that. He said he was right to call him out like that.
Howard said Beth told him that she got a big check from Gandolfini for some North Shore Animal League thing she was doing. He said he was a very generous guy. Howard said he didn't know the guy very well but he did love The Sopranos. Howard said that the show was great and he doesn't buy the bullshit when people say that it makes people want to be in the mob and things like that. Howard said no movie ever made him want to do anything he didn't want to do. Robin said it was a great role for him. She said he was perfect for it. Howard said he was brilliant. He said that he feels sad for the guy. He said he has a very young child that's like 1 year old.
Howard said that this should be a call to his staff that are overweight. Howard said he has to work his ass off to stay thin. He said he had a big bowl of carrot sticks to keep himself from eating other stuff. He said he's been doing this for weeks and now his weight is going back up. He said Weight Watchers says that carrots should be unlimited. Howard said the weight should be pouring off of him.
Howard said he went to a birthday party the other night and he wasn't able to eat a piece of cake. He said he can't even taste it. He said he did have one glass of wine. He said he's in hell right now. Howard said he has to fill up on Perrier. Howard said this should be a wake up call to his staff.
Howard read what Gandolfini was eating and said that his staff read that and said he must have been on a diet. Howard said he learned from that death that you don't leave the U.S. He said if he was here then he probably would have lived. Howard said they worked on the guy for 40 minutes but he was already gone. Howard said if he was here we have the best doctors. Howard said he'd be with them right now if he was here in the states. Howard said they could have taken a monkey's heart and put it in him if he had been here. Howard said in New Jersey they flew the flags at half mast. Howard said that's the first time since the Twinkie died that Chris Christie did that. Robin said that Howard complained when they did that for Whitney Houston. Howard said he's against it then. He said he has to be consistent.
Howard said that he was a fan of James Gandolfini. He said that they never got to know him but they did get to know some of the other guys from The Sopranos. Robin said she was shocked that he was only 51. Howard said he did look older.
Howard played some audio of Paula Deen apologizing for this whole thing. Howard said she must have said the N-word. He said that many years from now archaeologists are going to uncover this and wonder why the word was so bad. Howard said Paula took the first apology down and Paula made a new one for Matt Lauer. Howard played some of that one too. Paula was talking about how sorry she was that she couldn't make it to the Today show. She said that it was very painful for her that she caused so much pain for others.
Howard said after all of that you hear that she wanted to have a Plantation style wedding at her home. Howard said that's just wild. Howard said you wonder what's going on there. Howard said he had some audio of her talking about the south and racism. Howard played that and goofed on how she was talking in that southern accent. Paula was talking about how black people were like her family when she was growing up. She said that she thinks that everyone is prejudiced against something. She said she has a young man in her life and his name his Hollis Johnson and he's as black as that board over there. Robin said she should just shut up. Howard said this is one of those things where you say you're not racist because you have a black friend.
Howard played more of the tape and pointed out how ridiculous this was. Paula said they couldn't' see this guy against the blackboard. Howard said fuck her, let her lose her show.
Howard said the more he hears this woman the more he hates her. He and Robin were doing their impressions of her as they played the clip. Howard said she's bragging about how black he is. He said fuck her, let her lose her job. Who cares?
Robin said that she cooks with her sons and she did come out about cooking more responsibly after someone pointed out that she had diabetes. Howard continued to goof on her about what she was saying and made up some of his own stuff about her black friend.
Howard said he would go see Kramer and Paula Deen saying the N-word in a club. He said he'd like to know who Hollis is too. Howard said that she should open up for Lisa Lampanelli. Howard said Paula seems to be really caught up on race. He said she's done a lot of interviews about it. Howard said she should just go with it. Howard said so far there are two apology tapes. Howard asked if Robin wanted to hear the whole 2 minutes. Robin said she did. Howard said they should have a TV show where she just apologizes every week.
Howard played some of the Paula Deen apology tape and said it sounds kind of like Sal's apology. He didn't remember what that was over. Gary reminded him about what Sal had said about white women who have black babies and how they had to have been drunk to sleep with a black guy. Howard played some of Sal's apology tape where he said he was sorry for offending anyone. They made him do that as a bit when they told him that Human Resources had gotten upset and said that he had to do it. In the clip Sal said he had made a mistake and he was sorry but he was just joking. He insisted that he wasn't a racist.
Robin said everyone insists that they're not racist but they use those words. Howard played more of the Paula Deen apology tape and said it's so boring. Howard said Sal's apology is better. Robin said she should take lessons from Sal. He told Sal to work with her on that. Howard jokingly said Mel Gibson has already asked Paula to be his personal chef. He said he loves this.
Howard said Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have named their daughter North West. Howard said that his parents almost named him ''E Stern.''
Howard said that Tan Mom was in the paper again. He said she reached out to Michael Lohan for help and went into rehab. Howard said that they threw her right into Rehab out in Minnesota. Howard said her naked pictures are baffling. Howard said she has skin like a catcher's mitt. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that was a mash up. Howard said he has another song to play. He said he has a story to tell too. Howard played the song and said that it was Kid Rock. Howard said when they were on the air one time he said ''Why don't you put your balls in my mouth'' and Kid Rock heard that and wrote a song about it.
Howard said years ago he was on the radio and got into a fight with a guy on air and told the guy to stick his balls in his mouth. He said a guy in Detroit wrote him a letter and he was 16 at the time. He said he heard the show when he said that and wrote a song about it. Howard said he was the inspiration for the song. It turns out that it was Kid Rock when he was just a young lad. Howard said he was literally a young kid.
Howard played the song that Kid Rock wrote at 16 where he used the ''Balls in your mouth'' line. Kid used a clip of Howard in the song. Howard was saying ''You want my balls in your mouth'' in the short clip.
Howard let the song play through and Kid used that clip of Howard quite a bit in the song. Howard said it should have been a hit. He said he likes that song a lot. Howard said he's been listening to it a lot. Howard said Kid said he had to send him the song since he had lost it over the years.
Howard said that was a very young Kid Rock. He said he's proud of himself that he liked it. Howard said a lot of people send in music that kind of blows but Kid has some talent and he recognized that. Howard said that's why he's a judge on America's Got Talent now. He said he didn't realize that they replay that on Sunday nights.
Howard said he might as well play the top 5 songs since they're doing music stuff. Howard played number 5 which was Justin Timberlake. Imagine Dragons was at number 4. Macklemore and Ryan were at 3 and number 2 was Daft Punk. The number 1 song was Robin Thicke.
Howard said he really does like that Robin Thicke song. He said he works out to it and gets in a few more pull ups in. He said he was in the gym in his house and the song came on Hits 1 and he was doing that dance move to it. He said he can do it pretty good when he's by himself. He said he'll try it for Robin but he's sure he'll screw it up. Howard said he'll demonstrate it for her now. He played more of the song and did his dance for her. Robin was laughing as he did it.
Howard asked how that was. Robin said she has to watch the video again. Howard said that's it. He said that's the dance. Robin said she forgot. Howard said he's out of breath. He said he should take a dance class.
Howard asked Robin if she could see what he was doing. Robin said he can't be working out if he's out of breath after that. Howard said he is though.
Howard TV replayed the clip and Howard said he's so ugly. Robin said he looks like a guy who can't walk and cracked up at the video. Howard said he really doesn't look good. He asked how Beth fucks him. He said he's just so gross.
Howard said someone made a song where they have Ronnie talking about the squirting thing. They took his voice and put it in autotune. They had him saying ''drink piss'' a lot in the song. Howard said he thought it was pretty catchy but not as good as Kid Rock. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Gary said he asked Lisa if she ever hooked up with any guests or anything on a desk. She said she did it in a car once. Howard said he watched Lisa on a few shows and her big story was that it was her personal journey. He said she'd run home and bake the guys cookies and she wondered why she was doing that if she didn't even know if she liked them.
Lisa came in and said that she did do coke and it tasted bitter and numbed her throat. Howard wondered if she went home and did some research. Gary said she didn't know what it tasted like when they asked her last week.
Howard said he read about 3 pages of her book and remembered that he hates reading books. He said he just stares at the cover photo which he took. He said he did a good job with that. Howard said he read the book Getting Things Done and he just can't read a whole book. He said it took him like 2 years to read that.
Howard said he read Robin's book and Gary's too. He said he started Lisa's and didn't get very far. Gary said he got in about 20-25 pages of Lisa's book. Howard said he thinks that it might be his vision that bothers him. Robin said that's what it is for her. Howard said his right eye is all foggy. He said his left eye is good but it's all fucked up so he doesn't want to read.
Gary said he has reading glasses but he won't carry them around. Gary said he was struggling with a menu the other night and the waiter brought him glasses.
Howard took a call from Mr. Bullshit who called in last week. He was calling bullshit on Lisa's stories. He said the book is a big hit because it hit the garbage can. Lisa said he's so mean. Mr. Bullshit said he's seen better ink on Mike Tyson's face. Lisa said she had no self esteem and this is what she went through.
Lisa said she wasn't the person she is today back then. Robin said that if that was true then she'd have some really wild sex stories. Lisa said that she shouldn't have had sex with these guys because they didn't care about her. Mr. Bullshit asked what guys, there were no guys.
Howard said that the guys wanted to give her a lie detector test but he doesn't think they have to. Mr. Bullshit said the machine would explode. Howard asked how many times she did coke. Lisa said she was doing it all the time. She said she never thought she had a problem with it though. Lisa said that she understands that they can't believe she was doing it back then though. Mr. Bullshit said that's bullshit too.
Howard said the guys were wondering if she wanted to do a Wheel of Sex type thing where she would wear a bikini. Lisa said those days are long gone.
Howard said Lisa didn't make up anything that crazy so he doesn't think they have to give her a test. Howard said that her book is called ''Sex, Lies, and Cookies: An Unrated Memoir''. Mr. Bullshit just blurted out ''Bullshit!'' and said that the book should be called ''Lies, lies, lies and bullshit.''
Howard said the staff wrote questions and he had Gary go through them and take out the stupid ones. He said Gary took out all of Richard's questions. He said he was asking about how far he's jizzed and things like that. Howard read through some of the other questions and they were all about masturbation and different things that he does during masturbation. Howard asked what's on Richard's mind. Howard said he has no clue as to how far he's jizzed. He said he would never do what Richard does when he jerks off.
Howard answered no to most of Richard's questions. He said that he does admire his own body after working out. He said he's never masturbated outdoors and he doesn't want to fellate Will.
Howard said Benjy is working on his new bit. Howard said he's going to imitate machines. He said he's been practicing. Howard said Benjy looks like a washing machine but with high heeled sneakers. He said he has lifts on his sneakers. Howard said they have to figure out if it's Benjy or a machine making the noise.
Howard said the internet isn't fast enough for him. He said that they've been growing faster here than in Europe. Howard said over there they have a big problem. He said they started out with a fast infrastructure but it's not growing. Howard said it's getting faster and faster here in the States. Howard said that the FCC has stayed away from over regulating the industry. Howard said people are pumping money into it. He said he was reading an article about how they're allowed to go out and develop a business. He said he's afraid that the FCC is going to get involved and slow things down. Howard said he's not against the government getting involved with some things though.
Howard said he was reading a story in the paper about a woman who was having a problem getting pregnant. She eventually does and she's going to have twins but one of the babies had a heart condition. Howard said that doctors told her that they could have major problems with the pregnancy. Howard said they had to abort the boy. Howard said this was 24 weeks in. Howard said that the little girl was born later on. Howard said that the point of the article was that these fucking morons are talking about how after the 14th week they shouldn't allow abortions. Howard said it's nutty, backwards thinking. Robin said Sarah Palin is one of those people who talks about letting people make adult decisions but not when it comes to abortion. Howard said that woman can't put a sentence together. Howard said she's a moron.
Howard said he read that the song ''Insane in the Membrane'' was 20 years old this year. Howard said he read that in Rolling Stone. He said that he wasn't sure what year 20 years ago would be. Robin said that it would be 1993. She said that math was very easy. Howard said she's right. Howard played some of the song and said he liked that song. He said it's really good. Howard said they had those guys in the studio.
Howard played a bit they created using Robin clips. He said he named a kitten after Robin. He said he named it Ophelia. Howard said the others are Tarzan, Gwyneth, Tonto, Kemosabe and Brenda Star.
Howard said that Steve Grillo was in an episode of The Sopranos. He played ''Pizza customer'' in the episode. Howard said he had one big line. Howard said Jon Hein called Grillo up to talk about that on the Mr. Gandolfini thing. Howard said that Grillo was calling James ''Jim'' during the interview. He said that's the Hollywood thing. Howard played a clip of Grillo talking about ''Jim'' on Jon's special. Howard said he should be calling him Mr. Gandolfini. Howard said he
Mariann said that John Travolta was very weird on Letterman last week. She was going on and on about that so Howard hung up on her. Howard said that Travolta is looking a bit odd. Robin said he only moves the bottom of his mouth and he looks like a puppet. Robin said he was talking about how James Gandolfini came to his house and refused to leave after his son Jet died. Robin said that he was saying that he told James he could leave but he refused. He said he was fine after 5 days and he could go. Robin said that's the kind of guy James was according to John.
Howard said Grillo apparently had the same kind of feelings about ''Jim.'' Howard played more of him talking about Jim Gandolfini and what it was like working with him. Grillo said that it was like the greatest education he could get working with the guy. Howard said now he's working in a pizza place. Howard said he's not sure what Grillo is actually doing now.
Sal came in and said he doesn't have a favorite sexual position. Howard asked what he enjoys most. Sal said he just does missionary these days. Howard asked what he did in the past when he was doing it. Howard said Sal sounds like this guy Mr. Bullshit who calls in. He said he wishes he could be like that guy.
Howard asked Sal what position he likes having sex in. Sal said he's done doggy and that's good. He said he likes it better than missionary. Howard asked what else he has tried. Sal said he likes when a girl gets on top. He said he likes when she squats. Howard said that's what he should have told Jon. Sal said it's just been so long since he did it. He said his wife would do doggy. Sal said that it's been 18 years of marriage and it's like banging his mom when he's with his wife. Howard said he loves her dearly. Sal said that he doesn't push it and he just does it when she's ready. Howard asked what he would like her to do. Sal said she has done doggy. He said it's good when she's ready for it. He said he gets the feeling that she just wants to get it over with. He said he doesn't mean that in a bad way. He said she likes to just get it done.
Gary asked if Sal's wife asks what he likes. Sal said no. Howard said she should. Sal said he likes her cousin. Howard asked if that's true. Sal said no. Howard asked if he'd like her to urinate on him. Sal said not with her. He said she is the mother of his children so he looks at her differently. Howard said Sal wants to be with a girl who isn't a mom. Sal said they get along pretty good these days. He said there's more to it than sex. He said he'll toss one off when she's out and then they do the other things they do.
Sal said that they went on a bike ride yesterday and she toppled over their 9 year old. He said that the bike ride was over after 5 minutes.
Howard asked Sal if she ever plays with his penis. Sal said she will. He said that if he plays with her nips he gets right up for her. He said it's hard to keep it up sometimes though. Robin asked what's going on in his brain. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard said that he should think about how he gets to fuck her when she has other guys who want her at work. Sal said he's jealous of that guy because he got out easy.
Howard asked what happened with his erection. Sal said he just kind of ran out of gas while they were doing it. He said that she thinks it's the medications he's on. Howard said Sal would be harder for Tan Mom. Sal said he's fuck that lisp right out of her lips. Howard said he can't believe that he's into her. Sal said he loves those new pictures of her. Howard said he thinks she looks like a bowl of oatmeal. Sal said she smells like cigarettes and tanning cream but he'd be able to forget that. Howard said he could never fuck her. Howard said Sal is in really bad shape. Sal said you could do anything to her. Howard said she's not that attractive. Sal just laughed. Sal said you can get even crazier with someone who isn't that good looking. Howard said he would love for him to fuck Tan Mom. He said it would be great on radio. Sal said you can abuse a chick like that. He said he could smack her face with his cock and things like that.
Sal said that his wife was talking about going to Las Vegas when she's 50 and she mentioned that their son will be 21 then. Sal said he made the mistake of saying that if he's 21 then he's out of there. Sal said that he always screws up like that. He said she told him that it would still be on his tab even if he is out of there by then.
Howard asked how often Sal is getting it. Sal said that he's getting it about once a month. He said he's okay with that though. He said that things are good. Howard said he'd be upset. He said he's not sure that things are repairable with so much water under the bridge. Sal said things are fine. Howard asked if he ever tries to get things going with her. Sal said that he has tried. He said that she will tell him that she wants to watch TV to relax.
Gary said he knows about people who have lives like this who date other people. Gary said that they can't afford to divorce and that's why they stay together. Sal said he lives in his wife's bedroom. Sal said that their bedroom looks like a little girl decorated it. He said his wife decorated it and he doesn't care what she does with it. Howard asked if he has ever thought about a bachelor pad. Sal said he had a room in the house but his wife took it away. He said that she said it had to be a playroom for the toys. He said that the whole house is a room for the toys. He said he had a computer, a plasma TV and all of his DVDs in the room. Howard said he should take it back. Sal said he has 3 kids at home and it's give and take. He said he has to pick and choose his battles.
Gary asked what Sal gets out of this give and take relationship. Sal said he has peace of mind. He said that he's not sure what else to do. Gary said Sal is the definition of a defeated guy. Howard said he feels bad for Christine too. Sal said they're getting along great. He said he shouldn't feel bad for either one of them.
Howard asked if he looks forward to seeing his wife at night. Sal said he guesses so. Howard said bullshit. Sal said she's great with taking care of the kids and cleaning the house. Howard asked if she's his best friend. Sal said he guesses so with that too. Howard said that Sal would rather hang out with Richard. Gary said he feels bad. Sal said he's happy. Gary said he is not. Howard said Richard wouldn't have to be asked to have sex. He'd be right there for Sal.
Howard asked Sal what he likes most about his wife. Sal said she's a wonderful mother. He said she's a good person. Sal said she tells him how to treat people right too. He said she's a good teacher.
Gary said Sal has something else going on there. He said Christine has a mild form of OCD. He said that they'll get in bed and she'll ask Sal to throw out the garbage and then he has to wash his hands or she'll strip the bedding off of the bed. Sal said she's paranoid about the garbage can touching him and then getting on her.
Sal said that he was getting into bed one night and she made him take a shower. He said that he had gone to the beach and he had to clean up before getting in there. Sal said you just let things go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't get how Sal and deal with this shit he goes through. He said he's been married 8 years himself and he let his wife stay home for the longest time. Then she got lazy. Howard said she's home with the kid. The caller said he had no problem with that. He said he told her she didn't have to cook. He said she started to take advantage of that after he worked 13 hours a day. He said she would say that weekends were her time after he cooked and cleaned during the week. He said he would clean the house while she slept on the weekends. The caller said she got a job and he respected that. Howard said he would too. The caller said she got the job and worked 2 days a week. He said he was working 13 hours a day every day. He said he'd do some of the house work and then she'd ask him why he didn't do this other stuff. He said he fucking left her after a while. He said he was tired of getting shit on constantly. He said it's just time to fucking go.
Sal said his wife isn't shitting on him. Howard said she has every right to based on the way Sal acts. Gary said Sal does a lot of stuff that gets him in trouble. Whenever they go to a party Sal does something wrong. They talked about some of the nutty things that he's done. Sal told a couple of stories about the things he's done too. He once had women bend down to look at a crack in the tile and then he'd pull his cock out when they looked up after not seeing anything.
Gary said Sal once put his balls on Ron Jeremy's head when they were sitting on some stairs and Ron almost beat him up.
Howard asked when Sal last pulled his cock out in public. Sal said that he mooned his friend at the beach the other day. He said the kids were in the water and he mooned his friend and took a picture. He said that it was no big deal. He said his wife was really upset about that though.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who told Sal what's making his wife not like him. He said that he's giving into her and that's what she doesn't like. Howard thanked King for the call. He said that Sal is going to argue with him anyway.
In the clip Mark was saying that the Mark and Brian thing is over. He said that the listeners are replaceable and he's done with it. He said that it's time to move on with the Mark and Lynda podcast. He said that the listeners can eat his balls. He was also saying that the ''room of brilliance'' is gone.
Howard said he doesn't get that. Gary said he's so angry that people cared about their show. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said the guy is so angry. Gary said he called them ''replaceable listeners.'' Howard said when they got to L.A. they took their listeners. He should have learned from that.
Howard said they should have Mark on the air. He said he's a Mark fan after that. Sal said he may have to lick his balls and put them in his mouth like he asked. Howard said that Mark and Brian were buddying up and crying on the air on their last show. Howard said he thought they were buddies. Howard said all he knew about them was that they got married to one another on the air. He said he heard they were doing a show like his out there in L.A. and he wasn't so thrilled with that. Howard said they didn't really do anything wrong but he was upset that he wasn't getting any recognition for what he was doing. He said that Mel didn't want to put him on in L.A. because he didn't think he'd do well out there. Howard said he had to fight to get on out there. He said he eventually made it out there and the rest is history. Howard said he had to work hard to get on out there.
Howard said Sal and his wife should do a podcast together. Howard said he'd like to hear that. Sal didn't sound so interested in doing that.
Gary said that Richie Wilson said that he had to dedicate a person to keep an eye on Sal during his wedding. Gary said it was an MMA fighter who was keeping an eye on him. Howard said he can't argue with that logic.
Howard said the Canadian Defense Minister was on tape saying that aliens live among us in the United States. Howard said it's like a Riley Martin show but this guy has a real gig. Howard played the clip he had where this guy Paul Hellier was talking about aliens living here on earth. He said that he learned that there are some working with the United States government. Hellier was also saying that he spoke to a former airman who told him a story about working with Aliens and how they came to trust each other. Howard said this guy is a former Canadian defense minister. Howard said that he claims that one of the races is the ''Tall White.'' Robin said Howard may be one of them. Howard said he won't take a lie detector on that. Howard said he just saw that the guy is 89 years old. He said he was a big guy in the government though. Howard said he has some kind of claim there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said they asked the Wack Pack about James Gandolfini dying. He played a clip of Gary the Retard saying that he was a great basketball player.
During the break Howard asked Fred who said ''Heavens to mergatroid'' in the cartoons. Fred thought it was Lippy the Lion. Howard said that they were wrong and it was actually Snagglepuss.
Howard said they asked Mark the Bagger about James Gandolfini. Mark knew who he was. Big Foot thought it was a woman. Howard played some audio of both of them talking about Gandolfini's death.
Howard said High Pitch Eric had something to say too. Howard played that clip and Eric talked about how James came over and said hello to him one time. He said ''Mr. Soprano, rest in peace.'' Howard said he hopes that James Gandolfini didn't shake Eric's super wet hand.
Howard said that they put Beetlejuice into a Sopranos audio clip. Howard played that next. They had Beet rambling and Tony Soprano yelling at him.
Howard said that Beet did a great weight loss commercial too. Howard played a bit where they had Beet talking about how skinny he is and yelling ''Fuck you, you fat bastard.'' Howard said that's the life Beet should have had. He said he should have been in The Sopranos and had a weight loss commercial. He said he should be fucking Maria Menounos too. Howard played a clip they created of Beet talking to Maria and slapping her ass. They had Maria squirting in the clip.
Howard said Ronnie was talking about that squirting thing again on the Wrap Up Show. He said it's really disgusting. Robin said it is. Howard said they were talking a lot about big cocks last week. He said they got a lot of email about that. Howard said that got them thinking and they went to black guys, Asian guys and white guys and asked what an average size should be. The Asian guys were saying 3 inches. Howard said that's hard, not flaccid. Howard played the black men answering and saying anything from 5 inches to 10 inches.
Howard said that Little Mikey is consumed with Ronnie and his sex talk. He played a song parody he did about Ronnie cumming half a cup full. Howard said that was a beautiful song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to do a show with Sal and Christine. He said that they could do it between 8 and 9 when Jackie is on. The caller said that he had to shut his radio off after listening to 15 minutes of Jackie's show. Howard said he can't take that away from Jackie. It would break his heart.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone grilled Lisa G about doing cocaine. Howard said they went over that already this morning. Howard said he doesn't care. The caller said he woke up late so he didn't know.
Howard asked if he's ever eaten a rat. Richard said no. Howard said that a squirrel is just about the same thing as a rat. Richard said they are.
Howard asked what he would do with the placenta. Richard said he'd like it cooked. He said he doesn't want to be weird and eat it raw. Howard asked Will if there's any way to make that happen. Will said he has to ask his wife. He said he's up for it but they have to check with her first. Richard said that someone there was talking about how they knew someone who had a baby and everyone at this party was eating the placenta.
Howard asked when Will's wife is due. Will said she's due July 6th but it could happen any day now. Richard said that he can bring his George Forman grill in there to cook it. Howard said he'd put some barbecue sauce on it and some salt and pepper. Richard said they could bring in Paula Deen to help them out. Robin said they'd need a lot of butter for it then.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said he ate one. The caller said he ate his second child's placenta. He said it tastes like liver. He said he has pictures of him preparing it on his Facebook page. He said he fried it in olive oil with some salt and pepper. Howard said he would just puke. Robin said that's sort of cannibalism. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to know why Howard is such a pussy. Howard said he wasn't aware that he was a pussy. The guy said he's taking pictures with cats. Howard said people just want to drag you down. He said he was doing something nice with his wife and they rescued these cats. He said that he was taking pictures for the people who are adopting them. He asked what's wrong with having a heart. Howard said Chuck is probably the first guy to piss his pants over anything. The caller said he should help kids and not pets. Howard said maybe he does. He said this guy's heart would melt over these kittens. Howard said that he can eat all of his balls like Mark from Mark and Brian said. Howard said this guy is a replaceable fan too. The caller said there are no balls left to eat. Howard said all he can say is that he's always had a sensitive side and he's not afraid to show it. The caller said he likes Howard on America's Got Talent. Howard let him go after that.
Richard said he rescued some cats when he was living in a storage unit. He said he found homes for them all. Howard asked Richard how ling he's been with the show. Richard said this week should be 9 years. Howard said they give him a secret ceremony at 10 years. He said he can't tell him everything about that.
Richard told Howard he's had snake. He said it was kind of like chicken. Howard said he's heard that venison is good but he could never kill a deer. Richard said that if it's cooked properly it's really good.
Gary told Howard that Will just spoke to his wife and she's willing to let Richard eat the placenta. Howard said that's great. They're going to have a cooking show there.
Robin said that she has been watching Hannibal on NBC and he cooks up people parts all the time and feeds it to people not knowing what they're eating. Robin said that's kind of like what they're doing there.
Richard said he might be willing to cut off his pinkie for the show. Howard said that's hard core. Richard said as long as he can still play drums he'd do it. Robin said it might be illegal. Howard told Richard to hold on to his pinkie for now. They went to break after that.
Howard played the clip where this woman was talking about dying in 2009 when she was being treated for pancreatitis. The woman says that she was technically dead for 9 minutes. Howard said that she wasn't dead. He said she had a dream. He said that's his point. The woman claims that she was in heaven and she wasn't able to describe it in human words. She said she had angels around her and it was perfect, beautiful and amazing. She said she saw an immense brightness but did not see a human form. She said that God spoke to her the whole time she was there. She said she was only ''allowed'' to remember a few things about it when she came back.
Howard asked Robin if she believes there's a personal god who is going to have a conversation with her. Robin said no.
Howard played more of the audio of this woman talking about her visit to Heaven. She said that she wanted to stay there and she wanted to believe that it was real. She said to stand there in front of the creator was amazing. Howard said that he doesn't believe this one bit. Howard said he thinks he's going to go and that's it. He said you live on in the blood of your children. That's what he believes.
Howard said he thinks that you live on in your children's blood. Howard said that he and his friend Pat choose to believe that.
Howard played another clip where the woman was talking about god showing her children to her and she chose to stay up there but he chose to send her back to earth. Robin asked how that happens if you choose to stay there and he sends her back.
Howard said it's time for news. Robin said the big news is that Howard has theories. Robin said he thinks there is no life on any other planets. Howard said that there is no life on any planets in our solar system. Robin asked why there is life here. Howard said he doesn't know and he doesn't have a theory on that. Howard said that's way out of his ball park.
Robin asked why we're here. Howard said that's a great question. Howard said he has no idea. Robin said that she's not sure why there is life. Howard asked why we're here. Robin said the only purpose for human beings is the same purpose as other animals on earth. Howard had Fred give her a drum roll. Robin said that the purpose is to make more. That's it. She said it's just to perpetuate the species. Robin said the primal urge is to make more babies. Howard said he knew that. Howard said that was his answer.
Howard said there's a scene in The Godfather that had horrible music in it. He said that music they play for Robin reminds him of that. Gary said he can try to get that music pulled for him. Howard told him to try. Gary ran off to get that done.
Howard asked if Robin watched Nik Wallenda last night. Robin said she knew he was going to make it. Howard said he's the guy who walked across Niagara Falls last year. Last night he walked across the Grand Canyon. Howard said the guy is praising Jesus the whole time he's out there. Howard played some audio from last night's show where he was saying ''Thank you Jesus'' over and over again. Howard said it sounds like him before every show. Howard let the clip play and Nik was praising Jesus the whole time. Howard said his dad was in the background telling him how things were going.
Robin said that they were going on about how the wind was whipping up and she knew that they were jerking her around. Howard said that you'd think the father would just whisk him out of there. Howard said you can tell the kid hates his father. He said that Nik is annoyed with his dad. Fred said the dad is the one who sets up the wires. Howard said he gets real snippy with his dad. Howard played a clip where Nik told his dad to talk all he wants until he's out there.
Howard played some of the music from The Godfather that reminded him of the music Robin got down in Guatemala. Robin said the sound was better in her recording than it was in the movie. Fred played some of the music Robin got when she was in Peru. The music was awful. Robin said it sounds like how Gary plays trumpet.
Robin started her news talking about Nik Wallenda being on the Today show. Robin said Nik says that he wasn't ready for the movement of the cable last night. Robin had some audio of him talking to them about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Fred to play both of those music clips. The one from Godfather and one from Guatemala. Howard asked Gary if he wanted to come in and play trumpet along with the clip. Gary said he would. He came in a short time later and played along. Howard said it didn't sound that bad. Howard and Robin were cracking up at his performance. Howard said it's fun to play along. Gary said it's finally someone he can jam along with. Fred played the Peru music and the Guatemala music and Gary tried playing along to them. Howard told Gary where to play so he tried but he wasn't having much luck keeping it going.
Robin read about couple of wing walkers who died during an air show. Robin said that the plane crashed and burst into flames. Robin said that two people died in the accident. Robin said the woman was planning to get married while walking a wing next year.
Howard took a call from Mutt who said that they're only doing Super Fan Roundtable once a month during the summer and tonight is their June show. He said they're on tonight at 7pm on 101. Mutt said they have a lot of subjects to cover tonight. They ended up talking about Ronnie and how angry he seems to be. Howard said that he thinks that the character is a little over the top. Mutt asked if the Batman moustache is still going on. Howard said it is but the color is gone. Howard said that it's still in the shape of Batman. Howard did a live commercial after letting Mutt go.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he's depressed. Howard asked what happened. Jeff said he didn't pick up the phone on him in 2 weeks. Robin said he must have something to say. Jeff said he did. He said Howard didn't even play his Wack Pack Feedback clip. Howard said that's because it wasn't funny. Jeff said he thought it was. Jeff asked if he can help him out. Howard said he has nothing to say and he has to let him go. Howard said he likes him but what does he want him to do. Jeff said he saw Willie Nelson in concert and he put on a good show for an 80 year old. Robin asked if it's great for an 80 year old or just great. Jeff said it's great for an 80 year old.
Howard said he has Jeff's Wack Pack Feedback clip to play. He said this is why he didn't play it. Howard played the clip and it wasn't funny. Howard said they asked him what he thought of James Gandolfini and he wasn't funny. He said that's why he didn't play it. Howard told him to just be real and not try to be funny. He said the guy died and he could have just said he was sad or maybe that he just didn't care. Jeff said he thought he was a good actor. Howard said he's not Howie Mandel and he's not funny. Jeff said he's trying to be. Howard told him not to try so hard.
Jeff told Howard about how he slipped and fell head first into a kitchen table at his house. He said he broke three legs off the thing. He told Howard that he had dropped a cup after getting barbecue sauce on his fingers. Howard said everything about that story was depressing. Howard hung up on Jeff as he was asking for some help. Howard said no Jeff thinks he hates him. He did a live commercial read after that
Robin read a story about the Twinkie making a come back in July. Robin said Hostess filed for bankruptcy last year but they're back in business and the Twinkie should be back by July 15th. Howard said there are so many other great things to eat that are better than Twinkie. Howard said he would never eat those things.
Robin read about a Eagle Scout who has gotten all 133 Merit badges. Howard said that's the reason we're alive. Robin said only 200 kids have done this. Howard said that's so not cool. Howard wondered if the kid has even gotten a girl. Howard wondered if any kid who has been in the Eagle Scouts looks like Brad Pitt. Howard said they should have a pageant to find the best looking guy in the Eagle Scouts. Howard did an impression of what he thinks the kid would sound like. It sounded like his Elephant Man impression. Howard said George Takei could judge the contest.
Robin read about an Indiana wildlife employee was attacked by a lion. Robin said that she forgot to close the gate separating the cage from the holding area. Howard said if you want a lion just get a kitten. He said they're like miniature tigers. Howard said there was a guy who taught people how to handle snakes and he died after being bitten by one. Howard said when they had that snake guy on AGT they had to have medical personnel standing by and had to warn the local hospital so they'd have anti venom available. Howard said it was nuts.
Howard said his mother asked him about the guy on AGT who was standing on his hands 100 feet in the air. Howard said that she said that he has a 5 year old son at home so why was he doing that. Howard said he had to lie to her and tell her that he was protected and he wouldn't be hurt if he fell. He said that's bullshit but that's what he told her to calm her down.
Howard said his mother didn't like the guy who threw his daughter in the air either. She didn't care about the snake guy. Robin said there isn't even an act with the snake guy. Howard said he knows but he has a bunch of dangerous things. Robin said there was nothing there. Howard said that was one of his favorite things. He said this guy is on fire. Howard said he must have other things to do.
Robin read about the woman who was mauled by the tiger and how she's in the hospital. Robin said it's not clear how her recovery will go. Howard said she'll end up like Roy from Seigfried and Roy. Howard did his impression of Roy talking about being attacked and how the tiger did nothing wrong.
Robin said that the flags in New Jersey are flying at half staff to honor James Gandolfini. Howard said he does not approve of that. He said it should be for Military families and people in government. Howard said we have to have a line. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about James Gandolfini dying and how his 13 year old son was the one who found him. Robin said that his body was flown back to New York last night. Robin said that usually takes a week to happen but they expedited it for the Gandolfini family.
Robin read about Slim Whitman dying. Robin said that he was remembered most for his TV commercials where he sold his albums. Robin said that Bobby Blue Bland also died over the weekend. Robin had some of clips of the songs he had performed and written. Howard played those clips and said that if he played those for Meg Griffin she would have been so into him. Fred played a porn clip of a woman giving oral while Howard talked to the imaginary Meg.
Robin read about Sumner Redstone and how he's turning 90. He's also adopting a child. They spent a couple of minutes talking about how he's dating a 42 year old and he's 90.
Robin read about Paula Deen's problems and how she was fired by the Food Network after she admitted to using a racial slur.
Robin said that Robert Snowden is going to try to fly to Cuba today. Robin said that a warrant is out for his arrest on espionage charges. Howard said all he'll find in Cuba is this song. He had Fred play the song from Peru that Robin recorded. Howard said he couldn't live in a country that had music like that. Robin said they'll probably end up on AGT. Howard got in a plug for AGT which is on Tuesday night at 9 on NBC.
Robin read about a 6 year old transgender child that will be allowed to use the girl's bathroom at school. Howard said he would just hold it in. Howard said he bets that kid has a bigger penis than he does. Howard said it's a waste. Robin said his penis wouldn't even work if that was the case. Howard said it works just fine. He said she may not feel it but it works just fine.
Robin read about how Nelson Mandela is in the hospital and not doing very well. Howard said if they want to do more for him the doctors can go to an American medical school. Howard said if Nelson dies they're going to do a special and have Steve Grillo call in.
Robin read a story about the George Zimmerman trial getting under way. Robin had audio of his 911 call from the night of the shooting. Zimmerman was told not to pursue the guy but he did anyway. Howard said this is the part of the defense that will have a huge problem. Howard said that he did have wounds that show he was attacked so he thinks that he's going to be in big trouble. Howard said that it should be an interesting trial.
Robin read about how Chuck Schumer is worried about exploding cell phone batteries. Howard said people won't care. Howard said his mother is on fire over these devices that people are using. Howard said they're fun to use. Howard said no one cares that they're not talking to each other. Howard played a clip of Schumer talking about these batteries exploding. The problem is with the cheaply made batteries that are being used in the phones.
Robin read about a study that shows people in their 30s are worse off than their parents. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how hard things can be. Robin said she's 33 and has a fitness studio and she's struggling.
Robin mentioned that the number one movie at the box office was Monsters Inc. Robin said that it beat out World War Z. Howard said he liked that World War Z. Robin said that movie made like $66 million which was a good showing for them. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Steve said he's not sure he'd want Richard having that connection to his child. Jon said this may be a way for Richard to get Will inside him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's wondering where Sal's balls are at and if Howard would put the flags at half staff for him. Jon said that relationships are a two way street. He said that maybe Christine is to blame for some things but when you hear the stories about Sal you hear just how crazy some of the stuff is that she has to put up with. The caller asked if he could tell his wife how much he loves her. Jon told him to go ahead. The caller said that he never wants their relationship to be like Sal and Christine's. Jon said that was very nice. they went to break a short time later.
Jon asked the caller if she agrees with Mr. Bullshit about the book not being true. She said that she loves Sal and loves Mr. Bullshit. Jon thanked her for calling in and moved on to Sal.
Jon asked Sal about how things were in the studio today. Gary said that Sal fascinated him. He said that he goes and does things that other people would never do. He said that Sal has to be taught lessons on what not to do. Sal said that's what life is. He said that you learn as you go along.
Gary asked Sal about going to his wife and saying he had to relax by having sex and his wife said that relaxing was him leaving her alone. Sal said that you just give up at some point. He said that you feel so pathetic inside. He said that at that moment when they give in and don't want to give in it makes you feel like crap. He said he just waits for her to be ready. Jon asked how long he has to wait. Sal said it's just when she's in the mood. He said it could be once a month or once every two weeks. He said that's it in general. Sal said when she's ready for him he's ready. He said that's fine with him.
Jon asked Sal why he had such a problem coming up with his favorite sexual position. Sal said that he just couldn't remember. Gary asked Sal if he could show his wife the porn he watches that he's interested in. Sal said his wife would kick him out if he told her that he wanted to put his dick between his legs and shove it behind him so she could blow him.
Gary said that it seems like they're just coexisting at this point. He said Sal is trying not to piss her off. He said what Sal said today is that if you talk to your wife long enough you'll end up killing her. Sal said that neither of them want to piss the other off. He said that's a good marriage. Sal said that he's still going and other people are divorced.
Jon said that Sal started off every sentence with ''18 years of marriage...'' Jon asked if he thinks that things have gotten better over time. Sal said that their marriage is good right now. He said they have prevailed. Sal said they don't do much without the kids. He said that they'll be with them the whole summer.
Jon said that Sal talked about their bedroom and it sounds more like her bedroom. Sal said he left it all up to her. He said he didn't think that it would look like a 7 year old girl designed it but that's his own fault. He said that he should have gone with her to the furniture store. Jon said that he still has a say in it. Sal asked ''why bother?'' He said it doesn't bother him. He said that he has clean sheets and a night stand. He said he had a friend over once and he asked if he had a daughter when he saw the bedroom. Sal said that they do get along and things are going good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it sounds like he's institutionalized. He said that he should go to counseling. Sal said they have tried that. He said he lost it during the therapy. He said his wife just started laughing. Gary said maybe one attempt wasn't enough. He said that maybe they should go back. Sal said they have gone a few times. He said maybe the counselor wasn't good. Gary asked Sal if he thought that way or was it his wife that influenced him. Sal said that it may have subconsciously but he felt it wasn't working so they stopped. They went to break after that.
Sal said that he was going to make a placenta Marinara for them. Jon said he wouldn't eat that either way. He asked Ronnie how he feels about it. Ronnie said it's weird even for Richard. Jon asked what's weirder, eating placenta or eating squirt juice. Ronnie said he has to be kidding. Sal said he would rather do the squirt thing.
Will said that his wife agreed to it immediately and she was for it but then she started thinking about it. He said he thinks that she's still up for it. Will said that he thinks it's kind of weird that Richard is going to do it. Will said they have to figure out if the doctor is willing to do that for them. He said they'll have to freeze it.
Jon said that the other thing that Richard said he would do is cut off his pinkie for the show. Gary said that has to be illegal. He said they can't cut off his pinkie. Sal said that's crazy but Richard is willing to do it. Gary said that he'd have to give that another thought if they told him to do it. Sal said that he thinks that he'd do it.
Jon asked Gary how playing the trumpet was. Gary said it was tough. He said he had some trouble with it. Sal asked Ronnie if he would rather suck that mouth piece after Gary used it or eat a placenta. Ronnie said he'd rather suck that mouth piece. Sal said that they're so gross though. He said they smell like an old twat. Jon said they had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about this story he read that he thought was a joke. He said that 146 babies were named the Khaleesi last year. Howard said that Game of Thrones is affecting the future.
Howard said that this Paula Deen woman has been making a lot of bizarre statements. Howard said that she owns a restaurant with her brother and she's losing endorsement deals and things like that. They say that the lines outside her restaurant is longer than ever. Howard said there was a huge line outside on Saturday morning and most of the diners were white. Howard said that an African American woman was there to show up in support of Deen. Howard said this woman says she understands and that Deen is just from another time. Howard said she's from around his age and it's not from another time. Howard said Deen claims that her great grandfather owned slaves but she never knew the guy. Howard said this woman was claiming that she's just a product of her era.
Howard said he was born when the Jim Crow laws were around. He said he was like 1. Howard said that they have to get with the fucking times down there.
Howard said Rob Zombie sent him a picture from two nights ago from when he had long flowing hair. Howard said he looked like such a rock star. He said he wants to go back and re-record that opening song ''The Great American Nightmare.'' He said that Rob told him what he wanted and he couldn't do what he wanted. Howard said that he would do it differently. He said he wants to do it all over again. Howard said he wants Rob to work on it too. Howard said Rob is a magician and he could fix it.
Howard said Robin has to hear this tape. He said it drove him berserk last night. He said this woman was doing the news in Australia and she started giggling. He said she sounds like she's out of her mind. He said he's never heard a reaction like this before. Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about a leprechaun and then moves on to a story about some protesting that led to someone being killed. She got through that with a chuckle or two and then did another story where she talked about some kids dying in India. She was laughing during that story too. Howard said she's laughing during a story about kids dying.
Howard said he hates that accent. He said he likes that we make them hide it when they act over here. He replayed the clip after that and picked apart how she was pronouncing some of the words. Howard said the woman had to apologize for laughing. He said he thinks that she was fired. Robin said they do the laughing thing there too. Howard said they do it with Jackie laughs and that's not them laughing at a story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Amy Winehouse's brother is saying she died from bulimia and not from alcohol. Howard said he's not sure why they're still on this story. He said maybe they should get Grillo on the phone and asked him about her death. The caller said it was great hearing Grillo talking about Gandolfini in that special. He said he made it sound like he was his best friend. Howard said Grillo calls Amy ''Wines.''
Howard said James Gandolfini's funeral is on Thursday. Howard said it would be really cool if they had FBI agents sitting outside watching who goes in to pay their respects.
Howard said the jury has no idea what's going on in this guy's head. He said that he did a knock, knock joke during the opening arguments. Howard played a clip of that as well. The guy was making a joke about the jury process and how they got on the jury as long as they didn't know who George Zimmerman was. Howard said he hates Zimmerman for hiring this guy. He said the guy comes back and bores the jury even more by apologizing for that lame ass joke. Howard said George Zimmerman is the size of a whale now. Howard said he's not sure who will hit on him in prison. Robin said maybe that's what he's thinking about.
Howard played the audio of the prosecutor apologizing for the joke. He said he was sorry if he offended anyone and said it was a bad joke. Robin said it sounds like he's being represented by Sal.
Howard said Eric doesn't want to be Derick anymore. Howard played some audio of Mutt talking to Eric about the Derick character. Eric was saying that he didn't want to be on the show if he had to play a stupid character. Eric said he doesn't want to keep playing the part. He wants to return to the show as himself again. Howard played another clip where Mutt talked to Eric about the suing threat and if he is dropping that. Eric said he's not going on with that. Eric said that he never said that it was something that was going to happen. He said if something happens to him or his family then something might happen with the suing.
Howard said Eric thinks that if anything happens to his family they're going to sue. Howard played another clip of Eric summing up. Johnny Fratto was on the line asking why he didn't want to do Derick anymore. Eric said he just didn't want to be him anymore. Eric said that he doesn't want to keep being that character. Mutt said that he does the show as Mutt but his real name isn't Mutt. Mutt asked Eric if he was having work done to his teeth so he looks less like Derick and Eric said goodbye and left.
Howard took a call from Johnny Fratto and told him that he's not having Eric on anymore if he's going to threaten to sue for what people are doing on Twitter. Johnny said Eric understands that. He said he's terribly story for what he's done. Howard said he just heard him and he doesn't sound like he understands. Howard said he doesn't like people threatening him. Howard said Johnny would never put up with that. Johnny said Eric threatens him every other day. He said he knows Eric feels bad about the whole thing. Howard said he will think about this but only because it's Johnny asking. Johnny said that he'd like Eric to come back as Derick just one more time. He said that he's so pleasant when he's Derick. He said he has a totally different personality. Howard said he'll take this under advisement.
Johnny said that James Gandolfini took his 13 year old to Italy with him and he thinks that he made him so crazy that he just drank too much. Howard said Johnny has a whole new family so that's why he's talking about the kids this way. Johnny said the kids are no good when they get older. Johnny said anyone with kids, when they get to be 13 or 14, and they're no good, then you have to get rid of them right away. He said that he loves the little one he has but he dances to a game all day long called Just Dance.
Howard said when children are very young all the do is love you. He said as they get older they have to grow up and fly away. He said they have to break away. Howard said Johnny has to tolerate that his kids have to be filled with resentment. He said that Johnny just wants to be worshiped. Howard said that Johnny decided to have a second family with a young wife. He said that he said ''of course darling'' when she wanted kids. Howard said Johnny is 58 and chasing around a little kid. He said Johnny was ready for an adult sexy life and now he's got another kid.
Howard let Johnny go and told him that he's just thinking about this Eric thing. He said he's not back on the show yet. Howard said he's only thinking about it because it's Johnny. Howard said that he doesn't want Gandolfini's kid thinking he killed his father either. Howard said that Johnny is just upset that he had kids at his age. Howard said he's sure Gandolfini loved his 13 year old. Howard said Johnny's dad probably didn't put up with any bullshit. He said that guy was running the Mafia. Howard said that Johnny wasn't even allowed to resent his dad. He said he has it all figured out.
Howard said they should hang a sign on their door that says only enter if you're ready for the mentality of an 8 year old. Howard said he loves old school announcers like that. He said he wants that guy working there with them. He said he loves that.
Howard said they call that radio ''MOR'' or Middle of the Road. Howard said that he wanted to get a job doing something like that. He took one up in Newton, Massachusetts. Howard said that his dad gave him money for a car and he felt so guilty asking him for that. Howard said he got the job and got the car which was a big Dodge Polaris. Howard said the car was huge. He said it was ridiculous. He didn't care because it was transportation. Howard said that the guy gave him the job and then refused to pay him for it. Howard said he had no paycheck. Howard said he was going to kill himself. He said after 2 weeks working there he was fired because they switched to Middle of the Road format.
Howard said the guys had a picture of a Dodge Polaris up on the screen and it didn't look like what he had. Howard said it was something different. Fred said the car is actually a Polara. Howard said that his car was so big it took up 2 parking spaces. Howard said the thing was huge. He said you had to find a space to park in and guide it in.
Howard said he and his daughter Emily went out to dinner last night and she wanted him to eat. He said no way and stuck to his diet mode. Then he wanted to weigh himself this morning and figured he would have lost some weight. He got on the scale and he had no weight loss. Robin asked if he's going to the bathroom. Howard said he is. He said he ate an apple last night and it made him shit a pebble. He said he's dizzy from not eating. He said he has to get thin at some point. Robin said he needs a colonic.
Howard said he has some great John Varvatos pants and he tried buttoning them last night. He said he tried on different underwear and they still didn't fit. He said the fat is rolling over his linen pants. Robin said one colonic will fix him. Robin said that he'll be so loose that he won't be able to hold his pants on.
Howard said he's going out to dinner with his cousin to an Italian place. He said he won't be eating the good stuff. He said that he will be eating fish and things like that. Howard said he saw Don Rickles on Letterman the other night and he's all fat now and obviously doesn't care. Howard said he wants to be fat too. He said he hates shopping for clothes and all of that. Howard said Ralph says they have to put some time into it. Howard said he doesn't care anymore so he's just going to wear what he had on. He said he has to figure out what to wear to the wedding too. He said he has a 3 piece suit and he can't get the last button buttoned. He said that he's going to fit into it in two weeks or he'll just sit in his room. Howard said Beth looks fantastic of course. He said she can wear anything. Howard said he's the problem.
Howard said he was naked in his closet last night. He said he has a mirror in there and he looks hideous in it. He said he looks like Nosferatu. He said he has cellulite all over the place. He said he has a belly and titties and no dick. He said it's embarrassing. Howard said the whole thing is falling apart. He said Beth must be attracted to fat chicks. He said now he knows why she likes him.
Howard said he's a big mess. He said he threw his stuff in his suitcase in disgust. He said he hates going anywhere. He said that he's done with traveling for America's Got Talent. He said now he's back on a plane for this wedding. He said he told Beth that they really shouldn't be going. He said he loves Jimmy and Molly but he doesn't want to travel. Howard said he's not sure why he's having a big wedding. Robin said maybe Molly wanted it. Howard said Jimmy has the power over there. He said that he's the one calling the shots.
Howard said he's only doing this because it's for Jimmy. He said he's not a big catch for the wedding though.
JD came in and told Howard that Jimmy has a black eye. Howard said jimmy opened the car door into his own face. He said that he was bleeding all over the place. Howard said he believes it too. He said he saw pictures of him in the hospital too. He said that Jimmy is really involved in this wedding too. Howard said that's not very masculine. He said he has to calm down with that. He said he thinks that Molly would prefer a smaller wedding. He said Jimmy won't admit it though. He said he does like Jimmy. He said he's happy for him. He said that's rare in his world. Howard said he's just miserable. Howard said Ralph was yelling at him for being miserable. He said he told him to just shut up. He didn't need a lecture from Ralph.
Howard said Ralph told him to just get some fat guy clothing or get thin. He said he can't go back and forth. Howard said he wasn't able to exercise while he was doing the AGT thing. Howard said if you don't eat a lot you lose weight. He said there are people writing books about it and you don't need that. He said you just take in less calories than you're supposed to. He said now he's on a diet and he's going to get back down. He said he's working on it. Howard said that's it. He played a quick clip of Gary playing trumpet with the Baba Blooey Bland and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Kathy Griffin stopped by. He said that she's out promoting some dates she has for her comedy show. Howard said that they haven't seen her in a while. Gary came in and said that she's getting the finishing touches on her in the green room. Howard said he can relate to that. Robin said she heard she has a young man. Howard said she's like 52 and he's 34. Howard said there were topless pictures of her on Perez Hilton and they disappeared.
Howard said Kathy cares about her appearance. She said she works out every day. Howard said he was watching her show ''Calm Down Gurl'' and he thought she looked really good. He said she hasn't let herself go.
Howard asked about the topless photos of her on Perez Hilton. Kathy said she was staying at Gloria Estefan's house when they were taken. Howard said that he finds it amazing that people let her stay with them after everything she says in the press. Howard said he remembers when Obama was running she was very vocal about Obama and she did a commercial with Cher. Howard said he wondered if she cared more about Obama or Cher. Kathy said it's Cher. Howard said Kathy cares more about being around celebrities than anyone. He said that she needs that for her act. Kathy said she has to live the life and be around them. She said that's what people expect in her act. She said her people want to hear about sitting next to Kris Jenner at the Daytime Emmys.
Kathy said that she knows that Howard and Jimmy have a pact not to hang out with her in a public place. Howard said he has no pact with Jimmy. Kathy said that's what he told her. Howard said he doesn't have any pact with him.
Howard said he heard that Jimmy sat next to her and she was saying that Kim Kardashian is the stupidest person she's ever met. Kathy said she'll say that to her face. Kathy said that she has this blank stare on her face. Howard asked if she believes that Kim hates sitting next to her. Kathy said she has to. She said that they were at a Hollywood Reporter Power Women thing and she's wondering why Kim is even there.
Howard asked Kathy if she has to put her down for her act. Kathy said that her stuff writes itself. She said that she's sweet and friendly when you meet her but you can't believe what comes out of her mouth. Kathy said that Kim told her that she had to go do a photo shoot and ''they'' were making her do it. Kathy said she's not sure who ''they'' are and why they're forcing her to do this shoot.
Howard said that Kathy is in the driver's seat and she has the power. He said that she can sit there like the king and tell people to behave around her or she'll fuck their life up. Kathy said that she got a pre-emptive strike from Alec Baldwin. She said that he pulled her close and whispered that she's so funny and so sexy. She said she saw John Mayer last night at the Rickles roast. She said that she saw Howard made a tape for him and she likes how Howard calls him Mr. Rickles. Kathy said that she saw John Mayer and he was avoiding her there. She said she felt like she was catching crabs just looking at him. Kathy said that Katy Perry showed up too. She said Robert De Niro and Bob Newhart were there. She said Joan Rivers was there and she and Joan were the only women who were up there for Don. She said that no one wanted to roast him so they were doing a tribute. Howard said his thing must have come off like a roast. Kathy said it was just a light roast. She said no one was vicious.
Howard asked Kathy what she said at the roast. She said she told a story about working on Suddenly Susan. She said that Howard got her into trouble with Brooke Shields and she's still mad at her to this day. Howard said Kathy was the one who came on the show and got into details about her. He said he asked her if she thought she'd be mad at her about it and Kathy said she didn't think she would. Howard said that it was horrible stuff she was saying. Howard said that Brooke actually calls him now. Kathy said that she always told her to go on the show and she'd enjoy it. She said she never wanted to go on.
Gary said that he vaguely remembers what Kathy told them about Brooke. It had to do with her wedding and Brooke's mother. Kathy said she had a great story about that back then.
Kathy told Howard about what she told Don at the toast last night. She said that she met Don on the set of the show and he was goofing on Brooke and Andre Agassi. She said that Andre was really mad at Don for the jokes he was telling. Kathy said that years later Agassi admitted he was on crystal meth at the time. She said that's why he didn't appreciate the jokes.
Howard asked Kathy if she's always told stories about her life in her act. She said she has always done that. Howard asked what happened with her and the Old Spice commercial guy. Kathy said she was banging him for the banging and now she has no idea where he is. She said he was a nice guy. Howard said Kathy had a TV show that lasted for 2 seasons. Kathy said she did a talk show and she said she's supposed to say that it wasn't canceled but Bravo decided not to continue. She said that means it was canceled.
Howard asked Kathy about her marriage to the guy she was married to for 4 years. Kathy said she was married for 4 years. She said she only knew the guy for a year and a half before they got married.
Kathy said that she was going to have just regular people on her show. She said that Chelsea Handler asked to come on after she said she didn't want celebrities on. She said Chelsea brought Whitney Cummings on and they broke her cherry with that. She said then Jane Fonda wanted to come on so she had her on.
Howard said that Jane Fonda was against the Vietnam war and he admired her for that. Howard said she took a stance that was unpopular and you have to admire that. Howard said it's the same reason he admires Nelson Mandela. Howard said he didn't have to come out against apartheid. He said that he spent years in jail over that. Howard said Jane Fonda was pointing out that our soldiers were being killed for no reason. Howard said he thinks she's a patriot. Howard said you'd think she'd come on the show after he talks about her like that but no. He said she goes on Kathy's show and Kathy has betrayed so many people. Howard said he never betrays anyone.
Howard said he wants to meet Kathy's boyfriend but he has to ask her about some other stuff. Howard asked how long she's been fucking this guy. Kathy said it's two years. Howard asked if she has hit menopause yet. Kathy said she has and she's putting Suzanne Somers hormone creams on herself down there. Howard asked if she's getting laid a lot. She said that it's a lot because her boyfriend is 34 and that's very young.
Howard said Kathy seems to be very career oriented. Kathy said that she is. Howard asked what she's worth and if it's like 15 million. She said give or take it's around there. She said that she worries about having to live in her car and eat dog food because that's what she was told would happen if she didn't work hard. She said she's putting out new albums and she's going to have a record for how many she's put out.
Kathy said she's still hated and despised for all of this. Howard asked Kathy about her talk show and if it crushed her when they canceled it. Kathy said she loved that show and it did. Howard asked why it didn't work. Kathy said she doesn't know. Howard asked if she takes it personally when the show fails. Kathy said of course. She said she has to go out and do dates now and she thought she was never going to work again. Kathy said that she was learning a new skill set. Fred played some sad piano music and Kathy said now she knows that Howard is mocking her.
Howard said it has to be crushing to have that happen. Kathy said it was crushing. Howard asked if they canceled the show because of ratings. She said it must have been that. She said she was trying to do a modern day Dick Cavett. She said that she loved doing it but maybe there isn't a market for it.
Howard said this boyfriend has been with her for two years now. Howard said he wanted to see him. Kathy said if he's not nice to him she's going to punch him in the cunt. She said his first name is Randy and he's like a normal guy. Kathy said he's a fan of Howard's too. Howard asked Randy about how many times a week he's fucking her. Howard asked if it's hard to be in a relationship with her. Kathy cut him off and said that Howard is not his friend and don't let him rope him into this.
Howard asked Randy if he's a paid escort. Randy said he is not. Robin said ''Oh my god!'' Kathy said that she had a friend ask if it was a real thing too. She said she had been dating him for a year and a half at that time.
Howard asked how Kathy gets so networked and arranges so many get together with the celebrities. Howard said that he gets together with some but Jimmy Kimmel has to arrange the party. Howard said he would never be able to make that happen.
Howard asked Kathy how they met. Kathy said they met at a food festival. Howard said it has to be intimidating for a guy who has a regular job to be with a woman who can eviscerate you. He said that it has to be hard to be with a comedienne. Howard asked Randy if he knows what he's talking about. Randy said that she's a very nice person and he gets along with her very well. Howard said that everything is funny and a joke with her. Kathy said there are no jokes during sex. Howard asked Randy if this is the oldest woman he's been with. He said it is but age didn't matter. He said he really loves this woman.
Robin asked who approached who at this food festival. Randy said they just kind of ran into each other. Kathy told him to tell the real story.
Howard asked Randy if he's over 9 inches. Randy said he's pretty well endowed. He was hinting that he might be around 7 inches. Howard said that there are so many guys who have been in there lately with a big penis. Howard said that he's only 6 inches. Robin said that's not bad. Kathy said of course not.
Kathy said that the real story is that she was told by Don Rickles not to open with a joke when she meets a guy. She said she met Randy and she opened with a joke that was very inappropriate. She said that she was busting his balls and she realized what she was wrong for doing that. She said that Randy came over and asked for her number. She gave him the wrong number and eventually gave him the right one. Howard asked if he tried to bang him on the first night. Kathy said she did but he didn't want to do it. She said that she kissed him that first night. She said they had sex on the second date.
Howard asked if they're living together. Kathy said they are not. Howard said Kathy must be paying for a lot of stuff. Robin said that Randy wants to be a man and he's paying for his own stuff. Howard said Randy has his own place and he's doing his own thing. Howard said Kathy is living a show business lifestyle though. He said that she's making a lot of dough and this guy in his 30s is trying to make a nest egg. Howard said that she could pick up the tab for him. Kathy said that he picks up the tab but they don't go out to expensive places all the time.
Howard asked Randy if he has to buy expensive things for Kathy. Randy said she's very easy going but he does buy her things and makes her dinner. Howard asked if she's wild in bed. Randy said it's all wild. He said it's incredible. Howard asked if they role play. Kathy said they do. She said that she has been naughty nurse and naughty teacher and other things. Kathy said that she has really cheesy whore outfits that she wears to fuck Randy in. Howard said that sounds exciting.
Howard asked Kathy if the sex life is healthy. She said it is. She said that Cher said no matter how old she gets her boyfriend can't be any older than 35. Kathy said that Randy is out in January. Kathy said that Cher thinks that a younger man is less likely to have a sexist gene. She said she agrees with that too.
Howard asked how Randy's parents are with Kathy. Kathy said that they'd probably prefer someone younger. Howard asked if the parents said anything to him about that. Randy said that his parents are just happy that he's happy. He said that they didn't want to meet Kathy for like 6 months. Kathy said that she told Randy that if he screws her over then she's going to fuck his dad.
Gary asked Randy how he handles Kathy because she's the star when she goes out. Kathy said that when they're alone it's all about Randy. When they're out it's all about her.
Howard asked Randy if he's ignored when they go out. Randy said the attention is on Kathy. Howard asked if they think that they're not a couple. Kathy said they think he's her nephew or something. Howard asked if Randy wants kids. Randy said his brother has 3 kids and that's enough. He doesn't want any kids.
Howard asked Randy about being hit on by Cheryl Tiegs. Howard asked if Cher ever asks to borrow him. Kathy said she hasn't. Howard asked if they ever bring other girls home and things like that. Kathy said things are still so good they don't need to do that. She said maybe ask her in a year.
Howard asked Kathy about working with Anderson Cooper on CNN and how that is. Kathy said she loves working with him. She said that she sexts Anderson. She said she'll take her clothes off and send him a picture of herself. She said she'll do that while he's on the air. She said she just did it a few minutes ago.
Howard asked if Randy is the best sex she's had. Kathy said that he is. Howard asked if she's worried about him leaving her for a younger woman. She said she is. Howard said she really is in love. Kathy said that he'd probably fuck Howard. She said that he really does love Howard. Howard said he heard he's a Benjy fan. Randy said he does love Benjy. Robin said that makes him very odd.
Kathy said that she can't believe that Benjy still works there. She said that he picked her up in a Taxi once and asked about how to get laid with Anna Nicole Smith. Benjy didn't seem to remember that.
Howard asked Randy what it is about Benjy that he likes. Randy said he thinks he's fascinating and he's real and down to earth. Benjy said he liked Randy as soon as he walked in there. Kathy told him to shut up.
Kathy said she went to Anna Nicole Smith's house for Thanksgiving one year. She said Rip Taylor made the turkey.
Howard asked Kathy why she hates FOX News so much. Kathy said that they have people around there that are not good people. Howard said he doesn't hate them over there. Kathy said that her mother loves Bill O'Reilly and hates Howard. Howard said that he didn't know that. Kathy said that her mother would like both of them to stop making fun of them over at FOX.
Howard said that Kathy recently said that she had bombshell information about Sarah Palin. Kathy said she didn't say that.
JD came in and said that she did say that. He said she said that on The Insider. Kathy said that sounds very Nancy Grace of her. Howard asked Randy if he's a fan of JD's. Randy said he isn't. He said he loves everyone there. JD said he obviously doesn't. Howard asked what turns him off about JD. Randy said he doesn't have anything. He said he just met the guy for 3 seconds. JD said maybe he should put lifts in his shoes and he'll like him.
Howard gave Kathy some plugs for her upcoming comedy dates. Howard said you can find out more at KathyGriffin.com
Howard asked Kathy if she really doesn't like Benjy. Kathy said she doesn't. Benjy asked if that's true. Kathy said she's just kidding and said that Benjy is very sensitive.
Kathy said that she wants to stay at Howard's house in the Hamptons if she appears out there again. Howard said no way. He said he doesn't want her talking about what he's up to out there. Kathy said she's going to talk about it. She said she wants to come out and measure his penis and all of that. Howard said her whole act is based on spying. Howard said he loves that about her but he doesn't want to be part of that. He said he's just being honest. Howard said he likes to relax and be with friends when he goes out to dinner. He doesn't want to wonder if she's taking statements down. Howard said he'd go with Randy but not Kathy. Howard said he loves Randy and his parents.
Howard said the last thing he needs is her coming over and talking about him. Howard said he isn't going to worry about everything he's doing if she comes over. She said she would like to see his bathroom and describe it to fans. Howard said that won't happen. Howard asked Randy if he gets to go to Cher's house. Randy said he hasn't been. Kathy said that when she goes over there it's a girl thing. She said that Randy has met her outside of her house though.
Howard asked if Kathy has gotten into the Oprah thing. Kathy said Oprah is not a fan of her's. She said that they see through her.
Howard asked who else Kathy is friends with. Kathy said she loves Rachel Ray. Howard said she's been over to his house. Kathy said she knows Rachel loves Howard. Howard asked if Kathy has seen Anderson Cooper's penis. She said she has not but she has groped him. She said that she can tell he has a big one. She said he wasn't erect around her but she felt it and it felt big. Howard asked if she's felt other guy's penises. She said that she has. She said that she won't just go up to random strangers and grope them. She said that she hasn't done that to Don Rickles.
Howard asked why Anderson Cooper took so long to come out of the closet. Kathy said that he travels all over the world and he goes to places where they'll kill you for being gay. Howard said that's a good explanation actually.
Howard asked Kathy if she's ever tried gay sex. Kathy said she has not. She said she has slept with gay men though. Kathy said that she's not sure how these guys do it but they say they're bi-sexual. She said she was with one guy and he was able to get it up for her. Then a year and a half later he was married to a dude.
Howard wrapped up and gave Kathy some more plugs. Kathy said that she wants Howard's phone number. Howard said he'll give her his email but she can't abuse it.
Kathy asked Howard what charities he's given to. Howard said he gives to some hospitals and some other charities. Gary said he gave to an AIDS charity too. Howard said that he thinks that Kathy doesn't give any money. She said she does. Kathy said she gives $5,000 to a charity every year. Howard said that she has 15 million and she only gives 5 grand. Howard said they should stop here before it gets ugly. Howard said he had to take a break and take a picture with Kathy. Howard asked her not to put the picture out there. Kathy said she has never done that with a picture of Howard. Howard said she's such a cold hearted person. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Kathy about why she says she doesn't give a shit about aging when she cares so much. Kathy said it's just half a truth. She said she doesn't do anything to her skin like Botox. Howard said he had to call her back in there for that question. He let her go a short time later. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard came back and said that they have a behind the scenes show on Howard TV where they go behind the scenes with the Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable show. Howard said that's a lot of fun.
Howard said that Robin is one of the people being voted as PETA's sexiest vegans. Howard said that he went on and voted for her. Robin said she didn't even know she was in the running.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the super moon the other night. Robin said she saw it. Howard said he has a friend who said she was going to go out in a canoe at midnight to watch it. Howard said he has no idea where you'd go to do that. Howard said they should have had one up on the web site. Jason said he's putting one up now. Howard said he wrote them a note about doing that. Jason said he thought Howard was going to take it. Howard told everyone to pretend that they didn't hear what just went down. Howard said that he just put a picture of the super moon up on his web site. He said he had a big hole that he poured beer down. Howard asked to see the picture.
Howard said he's not even sure what a super moon is. Robin said it's a huge full moon. Howard saw the picture that Jason put up and that wasn't what he wanted. Howard said he sent out a memo about it. Howard said he told them to take a picture of Sal, Benjy or Richard's asshole and make it look like the moon. Howard asked Jason if they didn't read the memo. Howard said he pictured it with a black background and the moon. Jason said he read it and thought he said he was going to take the picture. Howard had the email there. Howard read it and it didn't say he was going to take it. Howard told Jason to take a shot of Richard's asshole with a black background. He said they can make it look like the moon. They can take a black sheet of paper and stick Richard's asshole through a hole.
Howard said some guy took a shit in the Holland Tunnel. Howard said the guy pulled over and shit in the tunnel. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard said he would just shit his pants in his car instead of getting out of his car. Howard read about how the guy defecated in a toll booth actually. Robin said that's like an animal. Howard said the guy was charged with trespassing. Howard said he basically got off with a warning.
Howard said that this guy parked his car in the tunnel and walked to the toll booth. Gary said it's not a toll booth. It's the booth that's inside the tunnel. Howard said that they say it's a toll booth. Howard said they do call it a toll booth and a tunnel booth in this article. He said it must have been in the tunnel.
Howard said he has someone who wants to join this conversation. He had Mr. Bullshit on the phone. Mr. Bullshit was calling bullshit on all of this. The caller, Vince, was laughing at that. He said his wife has lupus and she's fighting cancer. Howard said she must not be afraid because she's already met Jesus. Vince said she's in a lot of pain and they're in bad shape financially. He said it's bad all around. Howard said that's sad.
Howard said he heard Mr. Bullshit say that having sex with his wife is like having sex with his mother. Mr. Bullshit said he thinks he's dying and has to go see Jesus now.
Vince told Howard that a woman about a year and a half ago went in for oral surgery and she started talking in a British accent. Howard said he heard about that. Howard said that woman had an experience like his wife had. It means nothing. Howard said this Dr. Oz guy doesn't know anything either. He said he doesn't know anything about dying and meeting Jesus. Robin said no one does.
Howard told Vince that when you die you don't go anywhere. Howard said that's it. It's just over. Howard asked if he thinks that every fly you swat goes to heaven. Howard asked if turtles go to heaven. Vince said yes. Howard asked if he'll see his turtles up there. Vince said he thinks that you will see your pet. Vince said he was watching turtle porn on the internet and they grunt when they have sex. Howard let Vince go after that. Howard said he doesn't want to burst his bubble because it sounds like he needs to believe.
Howard said that guy has issues. He said that he watches turtle porn. Howard wondered what's going on in that guy's house.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up some of the acts on AGT and how cool some of the acts were last week. Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about the dancer who made his head go down in his jacket. Howard said they're on tonight at 9 on NBC.
The caller asked if he could tag along to the wedding with him. Howard said he has a date already.
Howard talked about the AGT thing and how he was walking home from dinner by himself last night and some little girls were following him around giggling. Howard said that comes from him being on AGT. Howard said that he kind of likes it though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about this Jim Carrey thing. Howard said Jim came out against the movie Kick Ass 2. Howard said that he's in the movie but he came out against it. Howard said that Jim became a serious actor at some point. Robin said he took a role in a movie and now he's disparaging the movie. Robin said there is something terribly wrong there. Howard said it's the first time he's ever done that. He said that there's a lot of odd stuff in the paper. He said this kid Aaron Carter is a teen star and he claiming that he was beat up in Boston because he was on a New Kids on the Block street. Howard wondered if he walked onto a street in the 1990s or in the Twilight Zone.
Howard said he was reading about Paris Jackson and who would have ever thought someone being raised by Michael Jackson wouldn't be well adjusted.
Howard said that Paula Deen says she's going to go on the Today show. Howard said she's such a publicity whore. He said it would be great if she went on and called Al Roker some racial slurs.
Howard said that the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage is due out any day now. Robin said that it's not clear where they're going to go with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the reason Jim Carrey denounced his movie is because of the shootings and gun violence. Howard said that there was gun violence when he read the script. Howard said that there were other shootings before this movie was being made. It doesn't make any sense.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he caught the show Under the Dome last night. Howard said he did and he loved it. The caller said that he's reading the book and it's a lot different than the TV show. Howard said that he won't read the book. He said that's going to spoil it for him. Robin said they do the same thing with The Walking Dead.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that AGT was amazing last week. She said that Howard is great to watch on the show. She said he's so genuine and he's like a kid watching the show. Howard said he is great on the show and she's right. The caller said they don't even have time for the bad acts this year. Howard reminded her that they're on tonight. He said the live shows start in about 4 weeks.
Howard said there's a lot of weird stuff going on with the show lately. He said they were talking about Richard eating the placenta yesterday and Ronnie said something odd. He played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie told Will to pour the placenta into an ice tray to freeze it. He told them to put it into Richard's beer and let him drink it. Howard asked what that's all about. He asked Ronnie what the fuck he's thinking about. Ronnie came in and they played him in with a song parody to the theme song of the old Batman TV show.
Ronnie still has his Batman moustache but he isn't coloring it so it's not dark anymore. Howard said it looks like he's letting it grow out.
Howard asked Ronnie how he came up with the idea to freeze the placenta and put it in beer. Ronnie said that you just put it in the beer and let it melt. Sal said he's an idiot. Ronnie said that Sal is the idiot. He said Sal slept on the fucking couch last night after his wife threw him out of the house.
Sal said she didn't throw him out. Sal said that she's not speaking to him. Sal said he deserves it. He said he pissed her off. Sal said the fucking idiots out there tell her about it. He said it's the Twitter shit bags. Sal said that his wife was very upset. He said he deserved it. Sal said that it was what he said there that got him in trouble. Sal said he didn't say anything on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said he did too. Sal said he did not and told him to shut up.
Gary said that Sal said he won't take charity sex from his wife anymore. Sal said no but then said right. Howard asked what he said that got him in trouble. Sal said it was the comment about how fucking her is like fucking his mom. He said that he feels like a child in the house and it's like he feels like he's banging a mom.
Sal said that his wife isn't talking to him now. Ronnie said that Sal is sleeping on the couch. Sal said that he's not sleeping there. He said he waits for his wife to fall asleep and then slips into bed. He said he vented his feelings there yesterday and she wasn't there to give her side. He said that was wrong and that's it. Ronnie said that he was trying to be funny and that's what gets him in trouble.
Sal said he's not the one with a super hero logo under his nose. Ronnie said he's not the one sleeping on the couch. Sal said he just wants to move on. He said that he answered Howard's question and that's it. Ronnie asked if he would jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if Howard told him to. Sal said that's a stupid question.
Howard said they have a bunch of song parodies about Ronnie. He said they have one that's just a bashing of Ronnie about him being a pervert. He played that one and had another one about how much Ronnie likes squirting. He had a couple of those actually.
Howard said Sal likes to have fun and Christine has to embrace that. Robin said that she has to learn that there is a difference between Sal at work and Sal at home. Sal said that he's happy when he's home.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Robin Thicke's song. Howard had a song about JD called ''Talk This Way.'' Howard had a few song parodies about Robin that were to the tune of the Sopranos theme song. Howard played a couple of those. Howard had another song called Touching My Cock And Balls by Little Mikey. Howard said he had one more about Robin called Cream On. He said he had a lot of them.
Howard said that Will is going to take the placenta and freeze it. When they get back on the air Richard is going to eat it. Sal said they want to make Placenta Marinara. Howard said that Dr. Fisch was saying they're going way over the line. Sal said that he thinks he's right. He said they're eating afterbirth. Howard asked if that's too crazy. Robin said she doesn't think she'd do it.
Richard came in and said he was thinking about it and eggs are just chicken placenta. Howard said that they're more like abortions. Robin said they're just the eggs and they're not fertilized. Gary said that he read about how women eat it to keep postpartum depression away. He said the guys do it to feel closer to the child. Howard said that's just weird. He said that anyone who does that is a fucking dick. Richard asked if he was talking about him. Howard said Richard is doing it to be funny.
Sal asked Richard if he'd eat Will's semen since that's part of it. Richard said that would be gay. He said he will eat the placenta but they're going to cook it. Sal said that they're going to cook it there so it might stink up the hallway. Howard said that Richard won't have postpartum depression after this.
Howard asked Sal if his wife will be upset with him today. Sal said she was very upset yesterday. He said that he was just being honest and she was upset with him. He said that she said that he had humiliated her. He said he went to the gym and texted the kids asking what mom wanted for dinner. He said they didn't write back at all. He said his wife made pasta and he sat down and ate and that was it. He said he told her it was good and she said that's because she doesn't put all of the shitty ingredients that he does. Sal said he hopes things are better today.
Howard said they have the super moon picture up on the web site. He showed it to Robin. Robin said she's never seen a moon like that. Ronnie said that's not the one he saw.
Richard told Howard he has to see the picture of Sal showing his ass to a guy on the beach. Howard saw that and cracked up. Richard said that's the funniest damn thing and he doesn't get how you don't laugh at that. Howard said that it is hysterical. Ronnie said that Sal is happy when he hears that. Howard said Sal should marry Richard. He said that's how he could get laid all the time. Sal said that Richard watches his weight and monitors everything he does. Howard asked if Richard is in love with him. Richard said he does love Sal. He said there is love there for sure.
Robin asked how often they stay in touch when they're not at work. Sal said they text all weekend. Howard asked Richard if he has ever tried pleasuring himself to a picture of Sal. Richard said he hasn't. Howard told him to try. Richard said he wouldn't go after Sal's cock if he was gay. He said that's not for him. Sal said Richard pinches his dick in every writer's meeting.
Howard said he thinks they've wrapped up everything they wanted to get to. Howard said they have to make sure that Richard can't die from eating the placenta. Howard said that he can't do it if he can die from it. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said it's time for news. Fred played Robin in with a song parody about her massive brown boobs. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said the live AGT starts 4 weeks from today. She said that tickets are free and available. Mariann said that the Bachelorette was so bad that it's going to make his night. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet but he has no idea what that even means. He said she has to relax. He said she's ranting.
Howard said the live show schedule is brutal. He said that they're going to do Tuesday nights from 9-11 and he's going to have to take Wednesdays off. He said that he just can't do that. Howard said he'll have to nap a lot while that's going on. He said he knows he's going to get sick. He said he's so neurotic. Robin said it's all in his head. Howard said the bottom line is that he's nuts.
Robin asked Howard if he ever used his gym on the movie set. Howard said he just had them build it to see how much they'd be willing to coddle him. Howard said that he was having trouble relaxing on the set and Len Blum thought that it would help relax if he had a ping pong table in there. Howard said that he had a giant table in his apartment because of that. Howard said it was the stupidest thing ever. He said it didn't relax him at all. Howard said he went into a room and told himself that he had to pull it together. He said he put in a Roger Ebert interview he did with Meryl Streep and that psyched him up to do it. Howard said she whipped him right into shape. Howard said everyone thought it was the ping pong table. He said it was that Meryl Streep interview that really did it.
Howard said it took him two days to learn how to act. He said some people go to school for that. Howard said it isn't that hard. He said he's just a natural.
Howard asked Robin what's in the news. Robin started off with a story about the new season of Dexter and there are some spoilers in the article. Robin said that she read it not realizing that. Robin said that was terrible. Robin said she stopped reading when she saw details. Howard said he won't read it at all. He said he has the first four episodes at home. He said he can't wait to watch it. Howard said that he loves the sister on the show. He said she's so hot. Howard figured that they're going to have sex eventually. Howard asked what her real name is. He said she's insanely hot. Robin said her name is Jennifer Carpenter. Howard said she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. Robin said she did in the first season but then it all went away.
Robin read about how The Sopranos DVDs started selling like crazy after James Gandolfini died. Robin said that they're at number 2 on the iTunes charts. Robin said they're also selling very well on Amazon.com.
Robin said a lot of the cast of The Sopranos are saying that Joey G is giving a lot of interviews about James and they're saying that Gandolfini hasn't spoken to him in like 7 years. Robin said Joey G has admitted that he wasn't close but he's very thankful to him for what he did for him.
Robin said that Justin Bieber is banned from a sky diving attraction in Las Vegas. Robin said he refused to pay for his ride at the attraction. Robin said his staff messed up the bathroom too according to the people at the attraction.
Robin read a story about McDonald's not making food aimed at Muslim people anymore. Robin said in Michigan they were doing that in a couple of stores. Robin said that they were sued over the claims that this was Halal food so they're going to stop serving it. Howard read a live commercial and then went to another break.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about the Nik Wallenda walk across the Grand Canyon. Robin said that they had big ratings from that walk. Howard said that they are legitimate acts because people want to see that. Robin said it is the Discovery channel's highest rated live show ever. Howard said people like to watch that stuff. Howard said he puts acts like that through on AGT. He said if they could do 9 or 10 of these across a season they could have a hit. Howard said it's amazing and that's why he puts them through. Howard said it's big business. Robin said that the social media attention was huge for them too. Robin said Nik wants to bring his act to New York City next. Robin said he'd like to walk from the Chrysler building to the Empire State Building. Robin said that would be 4 times as far as this most recent walk. Robin said the police commissioner says no way to that. Howard said he hopes that Ray Kelly stays on there in New York City. He said that they're very lucky to have him there.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said Howard has flip flopped on the death penalty a lot. Howard said he used to be for it but after seeing how many innocent men were put down he changed his mind. Howard said that they have so many men in prison who are in there for crimes they didn't commit. Howard said it must drive these guys insane. Howard said that when you have a guy like the guy in Aurora, Colorado they should put him down. Howard said you can't be that way though. He said you have to be for it or against it. Howard said a lot of innocent people are going to die if we have the death penalty. Howard said he had to come out against it because of the innocent people. Wheels said that he saw Howard's interview on Howard TV about the super fan roundtable and he thought it was very real.
Wheels asked how Jimmy Kimmel really got that black eye. Howard said he got it opening a car door. Wheels said no way to that. He said that he had to have gotten it another way. He asked if Jimmy and Molly are going to have a pre-nup. Howard said he doesn't think they are. Howard said you really do need to have one though. He said you need an exit strategy. Howard said that it's reasonable to do that kind of thing. Howard said you need to do that just in case the shit hits the fan. Howard said it's a very mature thing to do. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Kathy Griffin and Randy and how things are going to go with that relationship if Randy keeps paying.
Wheels told Howard about how he broke his neck and how he drowned and died. He said he was under water for like 12 minutes. He said what he saw was his life flash in front of his eyes. He said that he was very calm while he was in there. He said that he was floating and his friends were there and thought he was joking around. He said he was trying to lift his head but his neck was broken. He said that the drowning wasn't painful at all. He said he knew he was drowning but it wasn't panic at all. Wheels said he felt the water go into his lungs. He said he was about to turn 29 years old the next day.
Wheels said that he was on a boat dock and broke his neck doing a belly flop into this low water. Wheels said that it was very peaceful though. He said that it was very peaceful. There was no panic at all. Howard asked if his friends left him there for 9 minutes. Wheels said they left him there for like 2 minutes but he was gone for like 9-12 minutes. Wheels said that he did see a white light. He said that he thinks that was just his body reacting to it. Wheels said that he doesn't have use of his fingers very much now. He said he has short term memory loss too. Wheels said he doesn't believe that anyone went to heaven and came back. He said that he thinks it's all bullshit. Howard said that he doesn't like to say there is no god because just his luck he's real and he'll be pissed that he's saying he's not.
Robin read about how Baby boomers are being told to be tested for Hepatitis C. Robin said that they say about 4 percent of those people have it and only about 1 percent of the rest of the population have it. Robin said they don't know why this is. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some company that was trying to convert gay people to be straight. Robin said this company, Exodus, has stopped and they've apologized for what they've done. They still believe that homosexuality is a sin.
Robin said that some states are banning sexual orientation services. Robin said that Chris Christie is one who is against the practice but his office didn't say if he would sign into law a bill preventing it.
Robin asked Howard how committed he is to gay rights. Howard said he's very committed. Robin asked if it's a vote changer. Howard said he wont vote for someone who is against gay marriage. Howard said he voted for Obama even though he wasn't for it. Howard said Chris Christie is for it but he's afraid to say it. Howard said that he's more interested in politics.
Robin read about a new leaked image of an Apple processor that was on the web. She said that it's a new chip that hasn't been seen in the iPhone yet. This is the A7. Howard said he wants an A8 processor in there. Forget the A7.
Robin read about Paula Deen and how Reverend Al Sharpton is saying that she should be judged on how she acts now. Howard said of course he's saying that. He said that he was the one who represented Tawana Brawley. Howard said he wants to be judged on what he's doing now. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about Silvio Berlusconi being convicted for having sex with underage girls at a ''Bunga-Bunga'' party. Howard wondered what a Bunga-Bunga party is. Robin said that he was doing this the whole time he was in office according to the story. Robin said that he was sneaking women into the party dressed in costumes. Robin said that he was having sex with women who were under the age of 18.
Robin read about a teacher who is accused of raping a 10 year old girl in his car. Howard said that he can't imagine that. He was a teacher. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how this beast took her life. Howard said that's pretty shitty.
Robin read about the rulings that are coming from the Supreme Court about gay marriage. Howard said it would be great if they came out and said they were for gay marriage but just not for George and Brad. Howard said that would be something else. Howard said it would be great if they legalized gay marriage and overthrew straight marriage. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a bill that they're trying to get through the senate that would ban abortions at more than 20 weeks. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about how some wells in Pennsylvania have high levels of methane gas and other things in their drinking water. They think it's coming from the fracking in the area. Howard said we need to do more research on this. Scott DePace said that if it means killing the economy we can't stop doing it. He said that it's a bunch of garbage that there is leaking. Howard said that if they can prove to him that it's not causing these problems then he'll be fine with it. He said drinking water is number 1 over fuel. He said he can live without fuel, he can't live without water.
Robin read about Edward Snowden and how he accepted a position at the NSA because he had access to confidential information. Howard said he knew he was a traitor. Robin said that Russia is saying that they won't extradite him. Robin said that he wants to get toe Ecuador. Howard said that he's a nudnick. Howard said he knew that as soon as he saw the picture of him. Howard said he's the kind of guy he'd hit the X on at AGT as soon as he saw him walk on stage.
Robin read about some items of Bill Clinton's that are going up for auction. They're bits from Monica Lewinsky's former lover. Robin wondered how he got that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if these fracking people get to an aquifer they could ruin it forever. He said they take millions of years to develop. Scott said that this is all inconclusive. Howard said that DePace is so stupid because he keeps arguing that it's inconclusive. Howard said Scott is talking about people's drinking water. Scott said his drinking water is fine. Howard said that they can't frack until it's completely checked out.
Robin said that he just made the argument that every conservative makes. He just said that his drinking water is fine.
The caller said that they won't let people know what chemicals are being pumped into the ground. He said it's legislated that they don't reveal it. He said it also takes millions of gallons of water to do this. He said that good water is being pumped in there to make dirty water. The caller asked why he keeps a dog beater on his staff. Howard said he doesn't know.
Robin read about the guy who created the show Family Ties has died. Robin said he lost his battle against brain cancer and that he was 68 years old.
Robin had some audio from David Letterman's show where Melissa McCarthy was talking about how her mother reacts to cursing.
Robin read about Edris Elba having a new movie coming out. Robin said he's doing the rounds and he was on Letterman last night too. Robin said he has perfected his American accent and he talked about that last night. Howard said he thinks that he could be the new Denzel. Robin had some audio of him explaining the movie ''Pacific Rim'' that he's in. Howard heard that and said he'll go see that. He said he'll see anything with robots and Edris Elba in it. He said that sounds pretty good to him.
Robin said that Sharon Osbourne was on Conan last night and talked about how the candle that Howard Stern had given her caught her house on fire. Howard said she did say it was him but not in that clip. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done at 10:25am.
Jon ran down the stuff they were going to cover today. He said he wanted to talk about the placenta eating and how so many people have plans for it. He said that Sal wants to make Marinara and Ronnie wants to freeze it and put it in beer. Gary said he's not sure Ronnie knows that it's not a liquid.
Jon said that if they go with the freezing thing then it defeats the whole purpose. Gary said that you don't take cow balls and blend it on Survivor. He said you just eat it the way it's given to you. Gary said that he and his wife never even talked about the placenta. He said if they did it was just about how it would come out after the baby.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie thinks that it's a fluid. Jon said he thinks that he does. He said he may not be sure what a placenta is. Jon said that Ronnie is very familiar with the female genitalia though. Gary said he wonders if he takes squirt juice and makes snacks out of it. Jon said that Ronnie gets mad at them for being all hung up about sex stuff.
Steve Brandano said that Ronnie can't think it's a liquid because no one else is saying anything about drinking it. They went to break after that.
Jon asked about the moon picture he had to shoot today and how Howard was upset that they didn't get it done earlier. Jason said that email Howard sent was kind of confusing. Jason said that he had to edit that photo and he thinks it came out pretty funny. He said he had to edit out his anus so he had to cut and paste another part of his ass to fill it in.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Sal is going to look back and regret all of this stuff with his wife. He said that he deserves something better. Jason said he thinks Sal loves his family and he loves being a family man. He said he thinks he'll do whatever it takes to keep it together. Gary said Sal didn't have a great father figure and he thinks he wants to be the opposite of his father. Gary said he thinks there is some love there but they don't communicate very well.
Jon said that Sal doesn't realize his mistakes until you tell him about them. He said that Christine knew what she was signing up for. He said he thinks that they were meant for each other. Jon said that they both know what the other is like and it's like two peas in a pod.
Jason said that some people grow together and some don't. He said it seems like what made Christine laugh a lot at 19 isn't what she's laughing at now.
Ronnie said that Sal is always trying to be funny and that's what gets him in trouble. He said that he'll mix comedy into a serious thing and that gets him in trouble. Gary said he's like the class clown and he'll just keep going if he sees that look in Howard's eye.
Jon said they were talking about the placenta plan and they're confused by it. He asked Ronnie what the placenta is. Ronnie said it's the shit that comes out when the baby is born. He said that it's kind of formed and they could cut it up and make ice cubes out of it. Ronnie said that they could mix it up and freeze it. He said that he knows it's not a liquid but you can still freeze it into ice cubes.
Gary asked if he would take squirt juice and make ice cubes out of it. Ronnie said he hasn't done that but he would. Jason asked Ronnie if any woman has ever come to him with a sexual request that he won't do. Ronnie said no. He said if you play it right a girl will play along with anything. Jon asked what kind of crazy stuff he's done sexually. Ronnie said that anal comes to head. He said that some girls don't want to do that if they have a small asshole. He said that there are porn girls who have a huge asshole.
Jon said he doesn't think anal is the craziest thing he's done. Ronnie said he'd have to think about it. Jason asked if he uses toys and stuff. Ronnie said he has.
Gary asked what the largest group of people he's been involved with. Ronnie said he's told the story and it was just him and other guy running back and forth between two girls. He said he isn't into the group thing. He said he has had two girls at once but that's about it.
Gary asked if Ronnie has ever put beads in his ass. Ronnie said he has. Jon said he's not sure how they can top that but they have to take a break.
Jon said that Randy is a big fan of Benjy's because Benjy is real. Gary said that took everyone by surprise. He said he seemed very genuine and nice. Gary said he asked Howard what the discussion is when they talk about revealing Randy to them. Gary said it takes a lot to bring someone like that on the show. He said it must take a lot of discussion. Jon said that you should tell them what could happen on the show. Gary said they must have talked about it before coming up there because they handled it pretty well.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's surprised that Cher is friends with Kathy. Ronnie said he is. He said that they don't seem like the type that would click. They talked about how Cher is kind of known for being outspoken herself so it's not that surprising.
Ronnie said he'd expect Cher to hang out with rock star type people. Jon asked if he's ever fantasized about Cher. Ronnie said maybe. He said that he just likes her and he's into her totally. He said he likes her music. He said that people say he's gay for liking her music but he doesn't think so.
Gary asked Ronnie if the people at her show in Vegas looked like him. Ronnie said it was a lot of families and tourists.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and asked Ronnie thinks Cher should be running things. He was playing a Cher song and had them trying to guess some other stuff he was plying.
Jon moved on and took another call from a guy who said he's calling to let them know that the placenta doesn't taste bad. He said if you mix it into a fruit smoothie it's good. Jon hung up on him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard goes on tirades about being a regular guy and then you see this huge real estate deal he made in Florida. He said he can't be down to earth if he's spending $50 million on a house. Gary said George Clooney seems to be a pretty down to earth guy and he does that kind of stuff too. They had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the big day they had coming up. Howard said they have Larry King stopping by and Jerry Seinfeld. Howard said yesterday he spent a lot of time listening to Jerry Seinfeld routines. He said he went back to Merv Griffin days. Howard said he bets Jerry liked Merv more than Johnny Carson. Howard said Jerry did a routine about taking a plane and the pilot getting on and being proud of himself about how they were going to get to their location. Howard said Jerry was saying that he wanted to knock on the cockpit and tell him what his plan was. Howard said that Jerry does that and then a lot of people will use his thought and make it their own.
Howard said that everyone on Twitter was a buzz with his ass crack shot on AGT. Howard said that he bends over to talk to people and when he did that he bent over and had big plumber's crack. Howard said his pants are always falling down. He figured his jacket was covering his ass crack. He said his listeners took pictures of his crack and put them on Twitter. Howard said that they were complimenting him on not having so much hair in there. Howard said people love his asshole. Howard said at least there were no dingleberries in that asshole. Howard said you'd think they'd study those tapes when they edit them. He said they must throw them together pretty quickly. Howard said it's pretty funny because you can see his microphone back and if you freeze it and blow it up you can see the crack. Howard said he's hoping to get on Mr. Skin. Robin said he basically does just women.
Howard took a call from a guy and asked which act it was that they showed. The caller said it was when the guy was doing the sculpting with the gum. Howard said that's right. Howard said he's too lazy to tighten his belt for that. The caller said he could wear an under shirt. Howard said he's shown his ass on TV before so he's not worried about it. He said he thinks it looks better than his face anyway.
The caller said that little girl with the heavy metal voice was wild. Howard said she was blowing out her voice so loud that he had to hit his X. Robin said she appeared to be relaxed. Howard said he put her through. Howard said he did a whole explanation of the band Caninus but they didn't put that in the show. Howard said he thought it was good that the kid did that. He said the surprise is gone now though. He said he can imagine the kid opening up an act like that. He said there is an audience there for them.
Robin said she liked that band that came on. She said she had to go to bad around that time so it was the last act she saw. Howard said that 13 year old girl looked older. Howard said he thought she was attractive and then realized he had to pull it back a bit. Howard said that Howie is always harping on how they have to play cover songs but that's not true. He said that they were good and it shows they're even more talented. Robin said it sounded like a song that they'd heard a million times. She said that it was really good.
Howard said his ass crack was the star of the show last night. The Howard TV guys showed the shot on the monitors. Howard said he could have shown even more of it if he knew it was showing. The caller was trying to ask a question and Howard said that his connection was horrible. He was on a bluetooth device. Howard said it's really annoying. Howard asked if he has a regular phone. Howard said he'd talk to him but it's hard to hear. He said he knows people are trying to turn up their radios and all of that. Howard asked the fans to please not use bluetooth when they call in.
Howard did an impression of the guy's call and said it's just garbled sound. He said he knows that people are wondering what he's saying. Robin said it is a struggle. Howard said he was going to say something earlier but it finally got to him.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy who freaked out on a drive thru worker at a fast food restaurant. Howard said that this guy thought he was waiting too long. Howard said Jon Hein said that they all hear what's going on when they take a window order. Jon came in and told Howard how they all work together with that. He said if they make one mistake it screws everything up. He said he understands the frustration with the consumer but it's not an easy job. He said it's a constant flow in there.
Howard said we're spoiled in this country. Howard said he tried to get a burger in Aruba one time and it took an hour and a half to get it.
Joey said that he never had his own PR person so he wanted to get that out. Howard said he's been accused of never getting along with James and he resented some of the things he was doing during the Sopranos. Howard said that the NY Post was saying that it was opportunistic with the whole thing. Joey said that he wasn't very close to James but he came to his wedding and spoke in front of the people there. He said he was great to him. He said he would never take advantage.
Howard asked why the cast is saying that they didn't get along. Joey said that he went to talk to James about something that happened on the red carpet event. He said that someone asked him if they used the ''F word'' on the show and he said of course they do. They asked if Jimmy used it too and he said yes. He said that what they were referring to was the word ''faggot'' and he didn't know that's what they were referring to. Joey said that he was mortified when he realized that they were talking about that. He said that he thought that Jimmy needed to know so he let him know how it happened. Joey said that's what he thought the rift was all about.
Joey said that he didn't go looking for interviews. He said he gave CNN one interview and went to bed. He said that he turned his phone off and slept. He said that he hadn't spoken to Jim in 7 years but he did know him. He said that he told every interview that they weren't close. He said the NY Post is the paper that went after him and pointed out how much he was eating and all of that. Howard said he was critical of it and he thinks this is how they got back at him. Joey said that he talked to a friend who ended up turning on him after he asked why he would do this interview. Joey said that the cast knows that this guy is an angry guy and that's why he did this. Joey didn't say who this person was.
Howard said that Joey was on good terms with James and he had the guy's back. He said this story is somewhat overblown. Joey said that's it 100 percent. Joey said that it's in bad taste to do what these papers are doing writing about what he was eating and all of that.
Joey said he had to deactivate his social media stuff because of all of the comments he was getting. He said that's not what he was looking for. He said he appreciates Howard letting him come on. Howard thanked him for coming on. He let him go after that.
Howard said that he knows what it's like being painted as a douche bag. Howard said he has the radio show to get the story out. Robin said it sounds like a trivial story actually. He had something nice to say about James Gandolfini and that's it. Howard said he feels bad for the dude.
Howard said that Howard TV cut the staff question show with Rachel Fine. He said that should be up soon. Howard said that he was asked what was in his man bag and he showed what was in there. Howard said that was so dumb but he did it. He said he has some embarrassing things in his bag. He said he has those ass wipe things in there. He said he had a nail file and other stuff too. He said he has some candies that he carries and he ends up throwing them out. Howard said he didn't want to give the whole thing away.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said the comedian on the show last night was great. Howard said he likes that guy a lot. Howard said they have more great ones coming up too. Howard said Jeff always sounds like he's so sad.
Howard said Larry King and Jerry Seinfeld are coming in today. Howard said if they say they're over 9 inches long he's going to kill himself. Howard said every male guest who has been in there lately has had a big one.
Howard said that the talk of the town is Richard eating Will's wife's placenta. Howard said that some day Will will be able to show his daughter who at her placenta.
Howard said that he has that clip of the guy freaking out on the drive thru line. He played the clip and the guy was yelling at the cashier about how they got his order wrong. He was yelling at them to be competent just once in their life. He said this has happened the past 3 times he's been there. Howard said this is a grown man who sounds like he expects every single thing to be perfect every day. Howard said it's a fast food restaurant.
Howard said that his computer just blinked and reset. He wanted to let the guys in the office know. Howard said when you go to a fast food restaurant you can expect there to be some incompetence. Robin said the worst thing they can do is bring you that awful fast food. Howard said the guy should just calm the fuck down. Robin said he was screaming about how he didn't want cheese and he wanted bacon.
Howard said he had another clip of a guy yelling at a cashier at a Checkers restaurant. Howard played some of that and said it was actually the worker yelling. JD came in and said it was the woman at the window, not the worker. Howard played more of that and the woman was yelling about how she was waiting 30 minutes for her food and she wants her money back.
Howard said that's what his childhood sounded like. He said a student would start yelling at him like that and another kid would yell ''Yeah, tell that white motherfucker!''
Gary told Howard that there's video of a woman on a plane who refused to leave and she had her kid with her. The TSA was asking her to leave but she refused. Gary said you can't see the scuffle but you can hear it.
Gary said he's heard that voice in the background like Howard heard. Robin said that they only went to school with it. She said she was living with that. Robin said that her mother sounded like that. Howard said Robin beat them then. Howard asked if she would hit her. Robin said ''Oh yeah.'' Howard said Robin wins. Game over.
Howard said at least she had a great dad. He laughed when he said that. Robin laughed too. Howard said that the fast food guys get a lot of shit at those restaurants. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Larry King is there. Howard said he has a new show on Hulu and Aura TV. Howard said that he has to ask about that. He said Larry was the host of Larry King Live for like 25 years. Howard asked Larry how long he was on CNN. Larry said he was on 26 years. He said it was supposed to be 25 but CNN asked him to stay an extra year. Larry said it was the longest running show hosted by the same man on one network.
Howard asked Larry if he ever expected it to go that long. Larry said that he started at CNN on their 5th anniversary. He said he was doing his radio gig in Washington and he had a nice gig there. He said he had the first national radio show. Howard asked if he did both. Larry said he did.
Larry said Ted Turner called him up and no one liked him. He said Ted told him that he wanted him to help him out and do a show to take over for this guy who was there. Larry said he wasn't sure he wanted to do it. He said he was between marriages at the time. Larry said CNN wasn't even on in Washington. Larry said his agent Bob Wolf, who has since passed, was great. He said that he stayed with that agency for a while. He said Bob said he was making $200,000 on radio and doing a TV show. He asked if he wanted to do that as well and make another 200 K. He said he could double his income. He said he had an option to get out after a year. Larry said he went on and did the show and he loved the show so much he knew he was going to keep doing it. He said he gave up the local TV show and stayed with CNN.
Howard asked Larry if his radio show was bad for his personal life. Larry said that he had so much fun doing the show. He said it was on from Midnight to 5 in the morning and they had great guests and great callers.
Howard said that it must have been liberating too because he didn't have to worry about the ratings. Larry said they had 28 stations and in 1997 he was on almost 600 stations. He said that it was such fun. Larry said he has written books, wrote for newspapers and so many other things. He said radio was his favorite thing to do. He said it was the most personal and he could explore all of his talents. Larry said that it was mostly a serious show. He said that he could do what he wanted.
Larry asked Howard why his movie isn't on HBO. Howard said that it is on all the time on TV. Howard said he had to make it representative of real radio stations. Larry said anyone in the business knew it was. He said that Ivan Reitman was great with the movie and he knows he loved working with Howard on it.
Larry said that he was the first thing shot in Ghostbusters. He said he had never been in a movie before. He said he wasn't on CNN yet. Larry said that he was sitting with Ivan and he said he had no idea how the movie was going to do. He said Ivan said Bill Murray took over for John Belushi and he read every line that Belushi was going to have. Larry said Ivan didn't know what the ghosts were going to look like and the actors had no idea either. Larry said he didn't see the ghosts until the first print came out. Howard said he didn't know the Bill Murray story. Larry said he thought it was well known.
Larry said he came to New York and the guy driving the limo was wearing a pea coat and a hat. He said he told the driver he didn't look like a limo driver. It turns out he was a teamster. He said that he told him that they had the contract for every movie in New York. Larry said he asked him what would happen if he made a movie and didn't use the teamsters. Larry said the guy turned to him and just laughed.
Howard asked Larry if he shot a movie with Paris Jackson recently. Larry said no. He said they proposed a movie about mermaids and he sold this package deal that would have Paris and his wife in it. He said that he'd be the narrator. Larry said at the time it was signed Paris was 12 and looked 12. He said now she's 18 and looks like she's in Hustler. Larry said the movie business is crazy. He said they'll say the money will be coming in but then they say that it cant come in because of the patriot act. He said the funding comes from strange places.
Larry told Howard that you can spend 40 million on a movie and by the Friday of the release they know how much they're going to make. Larry said that Ted Turner made a deal to sell his channel and asked the guy buying it if he could keep the old movies. The guy told him he didn't know what to do with them so he could keep them. That turned into Turner Classic Movies. He got those movies for free.
Howard asked Larry if he feels betrayed by CNN. Larry said he had done 25 years and did that extra year for them. He said he had a real good deal there. He said they came to him 3 and a half years ago and said they were changing direction or something. He said they gave him a one year contract. He said he felt that was like a smack in the head. He said he would take it and he worked the one more year and left. He said he loves working there and he had a great deal. He said they gave him an extra 3 year deal not to be around after that.
Howard asked Larry if he was upset that they gave the job to Piers Morgan. Larry said that he wanted them to hire someone like Ryan Seacrest. Howard asked if Larry would have taken it. Larry said he thinks he would have. Larry said that if someone like Howard Stern leave radio you should replace him with someone famous. He said you don't take someone obscure and stick them in there. He said anyone who steps in after someone has been there a long time someone is going to knock you. He said when you leave the toughest spot is the guy who replaces you. He said Piers came in and made a statement about how it was like following Sinatra. He said he likes Piers though. Howard asked if he's happy to know that his ratings were better than what Piers gets now. Larry said that's what he's told but he's never seen the ratings. He said he doesn't feel terrible knowing that.
Howard said he told Piers that he miscalculated how tough that time slot was going to be. Howard said that he told him what kind of show he'd be doing and how it was going to be tough to do straight celebrity interviews. Larry said that Piers is more opinionated. Larry said that he always left his ego at the door when he did that show. He said it's just not his kind of broadcast. Larry said when he got into the gun thing and he was doing it every night he didn't like that. He said it was every night. Larry said he doesn't wish him to fail. He said maybe Howard does. Howard said in the old days he kind of did.
Larry said Howard had an ability to hate when they were back in Washington. Howard said he has real hate and anger in him. Larry said Howard hated Imus. Howard said he still does. Larry laughed. Larry said that he still has that burning in him but he never had that himself.
Howard asked Larry if he ever went to a psychiatrist. Larry said he did when he was in his 20s. He said his father died when he was 9 1/2 and he had trouble getting through that. Larry said his parents lost a child that was 6 to a burst appendix. He said that he had another little brother that was raised normal. Larry said that his father died of a heart attack. He said that he was a great student and he came home and the cops were at the building. He said two of the cops were crying. He said they loved his father. This one cop took him for a drive and told him his father had died. He said that he thought his dad had left him. He said that's the way he took it. He didn't understand death. Larry said he didn't go to the funeral. Larry said the rest of the family went. He said his mother raised him and his brother. He said her mother died two weeks later so it was very tough on them.
Howard said he read that Larry won't wear wire rim glasses because he used to get them for free. Larry said that they received relief and New York City is the greatest with that. He said they paid 75 percent of the rent and they bought him his first pair of glasses.
Howard said Larry has real father hunger. Larry said that has made him a great father. Larry said he's 79 years old now. He said he has a 14 and 13 year old now. He said they keep him young. Larry said he's there in New York doing interviews for his Hulu show. Larry said he'd tell Howard about that and then about the kids. He said this guy who is worth $76 billion invited him to Mexico City to speak. He said he went down and did that and they got to know each other. Larry said that he told him he had to do something new. Larry said his wife came up with the idea to do an internet show. That's what led to this Aura TV being created.
Howard asked Larry about his kids. He said he must have help. Larry said he goes to all of their games and all of that. He said he has a nanny who helps take care of the kids. He said they have a maid too. Howard said Larry isn't there taking care of the kids every day. Larry said he's not but he does take them to school every day. He said that his son is a very good baseball player. He said he loves baseball and that makes him very happy.
Howard said he heard that Larry went to a game and got into a fight. Larry said that he'll tell him what the umpire did to him. He said he was in the stands and he was yelling at the ump for calling a kid safe when he was obviously out. Larry said the guy told him to keep quiet. Larry said he called the guy a moron and the ump kicked him out of the stands. He said he had to walk out and sit in the car. Larry said his wife told him he deserved it too. Larry said that his friends had to call and tell him about the game. Larry said the kids were embarrassed so they tell him to just sit and be quiet.
Larry said that he takes the kids to all of the Dodger games. Larry said that 13 and 14 year olds don't talk. They text. He said his son Chance had a girlfriend for 6 months and he said that they talked every day. He said it turns out they just text. He said they broke up over text. Larry said he's on the internet but he doesn't text. Larry showed Howard his flip phone. Larry said his wife was in the Apple store and there are a lot of people in there. He said that must man something is wrong. Larry said someone asked where he got that phone because they were impressed. Larry said that this phone thing is a disease. He said he goes to dinner and everyone is on their phone. He said he feels like he's alone.
Howard asked what the secret is to hanging out with celebrities. Larry said that you have to treat them like a regular person. He said that you just talk to someone like that and ask questions and it works out. Howard said it seems like you're doing work when you do that though. Larry said it's never like work for him.
Howard said he had Katie Couric on the show and she said she went on a date with him. Larry said that she told the wrong story. He said that he did make out with her. He said that he went back to Katie's place and she said that she had a roommate and that was that. He said he doesn't chase.
Howard said he still wonders why Larry keeps getting married. Larry said that he never spent the night at a girl's house. He said he always went home. He said that he realized that what he liked at 30 is not what he liked at 40. He said he's amazed at people who are married for 50 or 60 years. Larry said this marriage he has now is one that has lasted the longest. He said that things worked out and they have kids. He said that things are good.
Howard said Larry must have been driven nuts when he was in the tabloids all the time a few years back. Larry said that the tabloids are meaningless the day after. Howard said that you'd think that Anthony Weiner would be done but he's ahead in the polls. Larry said there is always a second act in America. He said the only thing you can't come back from is being a predator of little boys.
Larry said that all OJ had to do was fall down on his knees and say that his wife wouldn't let him see his daughter and he was crazed. Larry said that he gets arrested and then goes into court and admits he's guilty. He said that he just keeps his head down like he's depressed. Then the lawyer says that he lost it under rage. He said then he goes to prison for 7 years and comes out as the number one expert on rage. Larry said that he'd be guaranteed an OJ Rage Hour TV show. Robin said OJ did beat that murder thing. She said that he's in jail for something else.
Larry told Howard that he was on the air that night when OJ was driving around in the Bronco. Larry said they all thought he was going to kill himself in that car.
Howard asked Larry what his biggest moment was on TV. Larry said he thinks it was the Perot / Gore debate. Howard said that's what he was going to say. Howard said that was a great interview. Larry talked about some of the stuff they discussed that night and how great Ross came across. Howard said that he sounded brilliant that night. Howard said Larry ended up hosting the debate. Larry said he hosted the debate between Bush and McCain.
Larry said that the 9/11 thing was the next biggest thing in his career. He said he was there in New York broadcasting. Larry said Howard was there that day too. Howard said he was on the air when that was all going down. Howard said there were no jokes happening that day. Howard said that he stayed on the air for a crazy amount of time that day. Howard said they stayed on the air and they became a conduit for the fans. Howard said that they were calling in and talking about what was going on. Howard said it was tough radio and it was awful. Howard said it was hitting him that this was really happening. Larry said you have to be a pro when that microphone is on.
Howard asked Larry if he would have voted for Perot that year. Larry said he would. He said that he liked Clinton though. Larry said he knew a lot of things about Perot that other people didn't know. He said Ross got bad advice and ended up blowing it. He said he thinks he had someone in his ear that screwed things up.
Larry asked Howard what it's like having a show where he can use the F-word. Howard said it's great. Larry said that Lenny Bruce was arrested for using that language. Larry said that Lenny was a genius. He said he had an IQ of like 182. He said he was a heavy risk taker. Howard asked if he knew he was an addict. Larry said he became and addict. He said he was given morphine and got hooked on that and then on heroin.
Larry said when he was 23 he was doing a show with Don Rickles in Florida. He said Lenny had a weird sense of humor. He said that he once came in wearing a prison outfit and said that he likes to go up to cops and ask them directions for the prison.
Howard asked Larry if he was invited to the Don Rickles roast. Larry said he was not. He said he loves Don though. He said that he was in New York and he wasn't invited to that. Larry told Howard a story about Rickles looking down at him at a show one year and said ''You'll hang around with anything'' when he looked at him sitting next to Sidney Poitier. Larry said that you knew he was a good man though and that he was just kidding. Howard said he went out to dinner with Don recently and asked how he could get away with what he did. Don told him that people just knew that he was a sweet guy and he was just kidding.
Larry said that Jackie Gleason was another great guy. He said that he wasn't a comedian but a great comedic actor. Larry said Mel Brooks is incredibly funny too. He said that his son Max wrote World War Z. Larry said in 1964 they had a world's fair there in New York. Larry said he came up to do his radio show and he had Mel on the show. Larry said he asked if he wanted to play the 2000 year old man. Larry said he did that with Mel and asked him what he thought of the World's Fair and Mel said ''fair.'' He said that Mel started telling stories about the first World's Fair which was in 0087. He said that they didn't have transportation so they held it in a ravine so everyone could roll in. Larry said that Mel was so quick with that stuff. Howard and Larry talked about what a genius Mel Brooks is. Larry said he wrote the music for The Producers play too. He said that he sat next to him at the opening and that was wild.
Howard said he's love to have Mel on the show. He said he just saw the tribute to him. Howard said he just watched the Richard Pryor movie too. Larry said that guy was an amazing talent. Howard said his stand up is unbelievable. Howard said Eddie Murphy was an amazing stand up too. Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld will be in there soon and he's an amazing stand up too. Larry said he did a movie with Jerry. He said it was the Bee Movie.
Howard said that Jerry got mad at Larry for something. Larry said that he got mad when he asked why NBC took the show off the air. Larry said Jerry took the show off himself and it wasn't taken off by NBC. Larry said they made up after that and they've been fine since.
Howard said Larry is happy now and he's got his show on Hulu and Aura TV. Larry said he's on RT which is Russian TV. Howard said Larry is on Monday through Thursday with his TV show. Howard asked if he's happy not dating now. Larry said he's great. Larry said he had prostate cancer and he had radiation treatment. He said there are side effects though. He said that he can't get it up but he can do other things. He said that he doesn't have the lust that he used to and that's a great relief. He said that he will never be seen going into a motel again.
Larry said that Lenny Bruce used to say that you could cheat and bring a girl to a hotel and yell her name out and tell people what you were going to do and people would think you were kidding. He said Lenny would say that if you bring the same girl to a hotel up in the mountains and try to keep it quiet, your wife's cousin will see you there.
Howard asked Larry about smoking and if he misses that. Larry said that he saw a play where they were all smoking and he did think about how he misses it.
Howard said maybe he will do Larry's TV show. Larry said that he'll come to New York and do that with him. Robin said that Larry was one of the first guys to interview Howard on a TV show. Robin said they were on WNBC at the time. Robin said that Howard had to go to Washington that evening to do Larry's show. Howard said he doesn't remember that. Howard thanked Larry for doing that though.
Howard asked Larry if he was burned by Bernie Madoff. Larry said he gave the guy 4 million 8 and he took out 4 million 1. Larry said that he got in thanks to the Wilpon family. Larry said he was down $700,000 the day that Madoff was arrested. Larry said that guy pulled off that Ponzi scheme and he was so believable. He said that everyone trusted him. He said that Madoff would tell you he was doing something and he never did it. He said he just wasn't able to cover everything. That's how he got busted.
Howard wrapped up with Larry and Larry said he helped Howard out with his movie when he was out promoting it. Howard didn't remember that either. Robin said Howard has done his show a few times. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was wondering how Larry remembers all of that stuff. Gary said that Larry and Jerry have been chatting in the green room for the past 10 minutes. He said he has to pull them apart when Howard is ready. Howard said Larry is hijacking his show out there.
Howard said Jerry does a show on the internet called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and it's really good. Howard said that Jerry is really there. He said that he heard he and Larry were hitting it off out there. Jerry said Howard looks good... not that good but pretty good.
Jerry said he saw Howard at the TM benefit at Radio City. Howard said that's right. Jerry said he would like to get a chair and sit with Howard. Howard said he has to sit on the couch. Jerry said he was giving him some energy. He said he's out of it on the couch. He was ready to fall asleep.
Howard asked what it is about him that looks good. Jerry said he has very good hair. Howard said he doesn't dye or color it either. Jerry said Howard is in shape too. Howard said Jerry looks good too. Howard asked if he's still into the bike riding thing. Jerry said he does the regular gym things. He said he does the elliptical or the Jewish machine. He said it was nice to see Robin too. Robin said it was good to see him too.
Howard said this is great. He said he has so many things to ask him about. Howard said Jerry is a great stand up but they don't put him in with Carlin or Pryor. Jerry said he wouldn't put himself in there either.
Howard said Jerry was doing some material on Kimmel about golf and how ridiculous it is and how he could throw a Tic Tac into a shoe box and it would be just as hard. He said Jerry seems to be very irritable. Jerry said that he is. He said the worst thing in comedy is when you get comfortable. He said success is the enemy of comedy.
Howard said he loves the new show he's doing on the internet. He kept screwing up the name so Jerry told him to get it right. Howard said it's Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. Jerry thanked him for getting it right. Howard said he really liked the Letterman interview he did.
Howard asked Jerry about his TV show and how anyone can ever top that. Jerry said it can never be topped. Jerry said it was like a perfect storm of cast and writers. Howard said that some people think that Larry didn't get enough credit for the show. Howard said he's heard this from people in the industry and they think that Larry is bitter about the whole thing. Jerry said Larry really isn't. He said he didn't want to be in front of the camera. He said he wanted to be a writer.
Howard asked how he knew to team up with Larry. Jerry said that you talk with a lot of guys at the bar before going on at a comedy club. He said that you talk to someone for 2 minutes and you start laughing. He said that's what Larry was like. He had something.
Howard asked Jerry about Larry doing stand up and why that never caught on. Jerry said that it's a tough thing being judged up there and Larry didn't have what it took to handle being judged.
Howard asked Jerry about how they came up with the idea to do the sitcom together. Jerry said that he had a meeting at NBC. He said that he had been doing comedy on Johnny Carson for 9 years. He said not one person at NBC ever thought about talking to him. He said network TV companies struggle with the entertainment field. He said that they struggle to create entertainment. He said they're not good at it. Jerry asked if Howard has watched TV. Jerry said they don't know what to do with talent. Howard said they missed it with Jerry.
Jerry said Brandon Tartikoff called him into a meeting. He said he had no idea what to do for a show. He said a week later he told Larry about this and they went out to lunch. He said they were making fun of stuff and Larry said this is what the show should be. Jerry said that's how it started. He said they started writing the show after that.
Howard asked Jerry about going on Carson the first time. Howard said Jerry did his act for 6 minutes and he did it 200 times. Jerry said that's a lie. He said he did it like 100 times. Howard asked if he was nervous. Jerry said he was out of his mind nervous. Howard asked if he thought he did okay. Jerry said he thought it was okay but not great. Jerry said he had never been in front of 500 people before. He said he had never seen a crowd that big. Jerry said he was only 4 years into it when he got on. He said he started comedy in 1976 an he was on the Tonight Show in 1981. Howard said Johnny would bring the guys he liked over to the couch. Jerry said he got the okay from Johnny and then 4 or 5 shows later they had him on the couch.
Howard asked Jerry about going to Johnny's house and hanging out with him. Jerry said he and Garry Shandling went over. He said that they did it and went out to a fish place in Malibu. Jerry said Johnny was in good spirits and good health at the time. He said that he remembers Johnny talking about Liberace. He said that he's kind of obsessed with that right now because of that Candelabra movie.
Jerry said that Johnny was upset that Lawrence Welk had gotten a TV show and he wasn't even able to speak English. Jerry said that Johnny said that you never know what's going to happen in this business.
Jerry said that the Louis C.K. model is the model for comedians. Jerry said he saw Louis do something on Letterman and he refused to tell them what he wanted to do on the show and they didn't want to let him do it without telling them. Louis told them that maybe he just shouldn't do the show then. Jerry said that throwing the dart in comedy is the way to do it.
Howard said Jerry's show was called the Seinfeld Chronicles at first. It didn't do well in the ratings. Jerry said the people they got in the ratings was a good demographic. He said that kept them on the air. He said that it was Brandon Tartikoff that kept the show on. Howard asked if he was upset with the executives. Jerry said he's 60 now and he doesn't care.
Jerry asked how the satellite radio thing is going. Howard said it's great. He said terrestrial was hard for him. He said he had so much government interference and it was tough. He said he can talk to people in a reasonable way there. He said he loves it. Jerry said as long as Howard is happy, he's happy. Howard said he doesn't like getting up early but he loves doing the show on satellite.
Howard said it must be like that for Jerry doing his internet show. Howard said Jerry likes to do stuff clean too. Jerry said they beep out the bad words on the internet show. He said people like to watch that stuff on their iPad so they keep it clean.
Howard said that Jerry did an interview with David Letterman and he must have thought Dave didn't want to be there. Jerry said he and Dave had a lot to talk about. Howard asked about Dave talking about Lenny Schultz and if he was being demeaning. Jerry said it wasn't that at all. Howard said he would be afraid of going to see Jerry do a show. He said he knows that he'd be brutal and rip him apart. Jerry said that he doesn't like to do that. He said that he's very respectful of anyone who attempts to stand on that stage. He said it's not easy to just stand there.
Jerry said he does the same thing he did at the age of 21 when he's coming up with ideas for comedy. Howard asked Jerry about doing this bit about going to a Chinese restaurant and saying that they stick to this chopsticks thing. Howard said Jerry said that they have seen the fork but they stick with it. Howard said he compares them to farmers who dig a hole with a broomstick instead of the shovel. Howard said that's a brilliant observation. Howard asked if he can go to a restaurant and not work on material. Jerry said he's working on material all the time. He said every second of his existence is trying to come up with material. He said that he wonders about everything. Howard said if he comes to his house he must be looking for material. He said that it's like working 24 hours a day. He said that's neurotic.
Howard asked Jerry if he's being authentic with him now. Jerry said he is never authentic. He's just trying to come up with material now.
Howard said Jerry did a bit early on about taxi drivers in New York and made the observation that their licenses have the symbol for Boron in them. Jerry did some of that bit and said that sitting in the back is like watching TV with the glass there. He said that you don't think anything bad can happen. Jerry said that the names have like 8 consonants in a row and some of the names are so crazy he doesn't know how he'd tell the authorities if he had to report them. He said the name might be Halal and then the symbol for boron. Howard asked Jerry how he came up with that symbol for boron. Jerry said it's just the funniest one he could use.
Howard asked Jerry if he came up with that bit in a cab. Jerry said he did. Howard asked if he writes it down in a book. Jerry said he gets that question all the time. Howard said that's because if he doesn't write something down he forgets. Jerry said he gets that question all the time. Jerry said people ask him all the time. He said he just writes it. He said people make notes all the time. It's not that strange.
Howard asked Jerry more about how he comes up with jokes and if he thinks of those jokes as his children like musicians do with their songs. Jerry said that's kind of creepy.
Howard said that Jerry is doing a lot of material about kids and stuff now that he has kids. Howard said that he can tell where he was in his life based on his material. Howard said he could tell when he was a real comic on the road when he was doing the airline material.
Howard said he did a joke about the pilot of an airplane. He gave Jerry some of the joke and Jerry remembered it. Howard said that Jerry talked about how he wanted to go up to the pilot and tell him what they were all doing back there while he was telling them his agenda. Jerry said that it just aggravates him that someone is talking to him that doesn't need to be talking to him. Jerry said that he could just end up where it says on the ticket.
Howard asked Jerry why Dennis Miller is doing the show he's doing now. Jerry said that's what Dennis wants to do. He said he gets that but he's kind of upset that he's not doing comedy. He said he misses funny Denny. He said he used to just do funny bits. Jerry said some of those guys don't like to lift those weights. He said that it can be torture. Jerry said that your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with. Robin got a laugh out of that. Robin said that was pretty profound. Jerry said that's marriage, kids, work, exercise and eating food you don't want to eat. Howard said radio is torture for him but he has to do it. Jerry said that it's like being 30 minutes into a work out. Jerry said that's life. He said if you've mastered that then you've mastered life.
Howard asked Jerry if he ever dreams of the day where he can go to a Chinese restaurant and not try to come up with material. Jerry said that he'd have to put a bullet in his mouth. He said that he has to try to come up with jokes.
Howard said he's thinking about guys like Dice Clay and what Jerry would say about that. He said he would probably say that it's dirty and too easy. Jerry said he ran into Dice about a year ago. He said he thinks that Dice thought he was going to ignore him. He said that in the 80s someone concocted a feud between them. Jerry said there was no feud. He said Dice is very funny. He said he went over and talked to him. He said it's kind of like them today. He said the war is over and who cares anymore. He said that's a very nice place to be. Howard asked Jerry if he would want to go back to being young jerry again. Jerry said no. He said if you're a little lucky in life then you should enjoy getting older. He said when you get older you see what's going on and he loves that. He said he doesn't care about the physical deterioration. He said that happens to everyone.
Robin said that Jerry really is Seinfeld. Robin said that people must see him out and say ''That's Seinfeld.'' jerry said he never really sees that. He said he doesn't care what people expect. He said he tries to perform for people but he doesn't care what they think.
Howard said he thinks about how Chris Rock and Jerry get together and how they must rip people apart. Jerry said they're quite sympathetic for anyone who attempts this art.
Howard said it must be nice to be able to do stuff to help other comics like Colin Quinn. Jerry said Colin has a new show that he's performing and he's going to see him. He said that they should go see Colin together. Jerry said he's having a party at his house. Howard said he never invites him. Jerry said that his wife said that they should invite Howard and his wife. Howard said that he may have to go to another party that day. Jerry said that he can swing by if he doesn't want to stick around. Jerry said he figured Howard is a 35 minute guy anyway. Howard said he used to look to talk to everyone but now he concentrates on one person. He said that he enjoys a party if he does that. Jerry said Howard wants to talk about something and people at parties don't do that. He said Howard has no desire to chat.
Jerry told Howard that you can get any moron to talk about themselves and they will have something interesting. He said that you have to spend time doing it though. Jerry said that's what led to him doing his show. He said that he would rather talk to a comedian. Jerry said that he hasn't' spoken to Howard that much off the air. Howard said that he has spoken to him at the gym. Howard said that he thinks that people are disappointed when they talk to him off the air. Jerry said that Howard is a sweet guy off the air.
Howard asked Jerry about Lisa Lampanelli an what he thinks of her. Jerry said he's not that familiar with her. He said he knows basically what she does. Howard asked about Carrot Top and what he thinks about him. Jerry said he doesn't know much about him either. Jerry said he's not sure what people's problems are with him. He said he's not a snob to any comedian.
Howard said that Jerry had a ventriloquist dummy and he did too. Howard asked if he was some sort of supernova who was like an idiot savant. Jerry said no, not at all. He said that he got on stage and didn't have any idea if he was funny. He said he just wanted to be funny. jerry said that the first time he got a laugh he froze up from being shocked that he got a laugh.
Howard asked if David Letterman was a great stand up comic. Jerry said he was just outside of it. He said he would comment on things. Howard asked if he ever saw him bomb. Jerry said he didn't. He said Dave had such charm and charisma. He said that he wasn't surprised when Johnny liked Dave so much. Jerry said he understood that.
Howard asked Jerry if he was surprised that Jay Leno wanted to be the next Johnny Carson. Jerry said that there aren't that many options for a comedian. It's either a sitcom or a talk show. Howard said that Jerry never thought about even doing a sitcom until NBC mentioned it.
Howard said Jerry wants to go out still on stage even when he's 90. Jerry said that George Burns was doing that. Jerry said that if you read his books he enjoyed the whole thing. Jerry said that he always aspired to that. Howard said you just can't will yourself to do that. Jerry said you just do it. Howard said he can't do that. Jerry told Howard to stop talking to this guy because it's a big waste of time for him and for everyone. Jerry said he's wasting his time with it too.
Howard asked jerry if he gets upset when people recite lines from the TV show. Jerry said he doesn't mind that at all. Howard said he liked when Kramer got the Merv Griffin set in his apartment. Jerry said that was Bruce Eric Kaplan's idea. He said it was a brilliant idea. Howard said that he must have liked doing Merv's show more than Carson. Jerry said that's not true. Howard said he likes doing shows like Jimmy Fallon more than a Letterman. He said that he felt it was looser. Jerry said that Merv's audience was kind of old and he couldn't relate. He said it was kind of rough. He said Merv was so nice though. He said if you bombed he'd come over and say that you were great anyway. Howard said Johnny would never do that. Jerry said that's true. He said there was a lot of pressure on that show. Howard asked how you keep from fumfering on stage. Jerry said it's tough but you get through it.
Howard asked Jerry if he ever talks to Chris Rock about what to do on stage. Jerry said that Chris will come up with a funny premise and ask if it's funny. He said he'll tell him to do it. Howard said that Jerry may have a premise and what happens if he has no punch line. Jerry said he'll just give it up. He said if you're in love with it then you'll just hammer away at it. Jerry said he was on a Pop-Tart thing where he had to come up with something. He said he eventually said that they can't go stale because they were never fresh.
Howard asked if it's true that Rosie O'Donnell auditioned for the part of Elaine on Seinfeld. Jerry said she could have but he doesn't remember.
Howard said that he liked the episode when George took off his bathing suit and the woman saw his small penis. Jerry said he knows Howard likes penis jokes. Howard said that must have been hard to get on TV. Jerry said it wasn't.
Howard asked about the masturbation episode and if that was hard to get on. Jerry said that they never said the word masturbation. He said that one sponsor pulled out and that was about it.
Howard said Jason Alexander was upset with Jerry for giving Larry David the series finale for his show. Jerry said he hates those shows where they get together and do a reunion interview. Jerry said that a small amount of too much can give you a strong feeling about the rest of it. He said that he wanted to end the show with a burst that it was never bad. Howard asked if he thinks that he would have done another season if Larry had stayed on. Jerry said yes. Jerry said that things worked out for both of them. He said that he never thought he could run the show on his own. He said it turned out to be great.
Howard said that if he had said to young Jerry that there would be a $110 million deal for a final season and he'd turn it down. Jerry said if you're only about the money you're only going to go so far. Howard asked if the cast were mad at him. Jerry said that they weren't. He said they sat down and talked about it. Jerry said he thinks he has a good sense of timing. He said he just knew it was their moment to end it.
Howard said knowing what to do Michael Richards was great. He said they hired this guy and put him to work as the character of his life. Jerry said it was great. He said he knew it was a very rare energy. He said it's very rare. Howard said Martin Short is like that too. Howard said he thinks that he would have worked out on that show. Jerry said he could have played that Kramer character but no one could do more with it than Michael did.
Howard asked Jerry about all of the material he does on Superman. Howard asked if he's pissed that the rest of the world had discovered him and spoiled it. Howard said everyone else is a Johnny come lately. Howard said that Jerry did some material about Jimmy Olsen and what a dopey guy he was not knowing that Clark Kent was Superman.
Howard said Jerry has a new show and he's doing it on the internet. Howard said he likes that Jerry was driving David Letterman's car that Paul Newman gave him. Howard asked that's what he does in every episode. Jerry said he usually picks the car but Dave wanted to drive that one.
Howard said that Jerry and Dave went to a hardware store just to smell the store. Howard asked if they had to clear out the store to do that. Jerry said they did have a happening on the street but they edited it out. Jerry said he wants people to have a comfort doing the show.
Howard asked who else is coming up. Jerry said he has Chris Rock coming up in a week or so. He said that he has another guy coming up this week that's very funny and a huge star in Europe. Jerry said he's so funny. Howard said that this is only people that Jerry wants to talk to. Howard asked if he will talk to someone that he's not that interested in. jerry said that the idea is what would a guy do if he wanted a talk show and only did it when he wanted to. Jerry asked if Howard thinks that he could do it. Howard said yes. He said he does think he's funny enough to do it. Jerry said that it's comedians usually. Howard said that's true but Michael Richards isn't a stand up comic. Jerry said that's true. Howard said Alec Baldwin isn't a comedian either. Howard said he just saw Alec the other night out at dinner. He said he had a bunch of laughs with him.
Howard said he's not sure how to think of himself when he gets a question like that. Howard said he's not really a comedian but he does give his observations. Howard said he has done stand up but he didn't memorize material. He just went up and started talking. Howard said that it's not all comedy what he does. Howard said he comes on the show with concepts and he does impressions of his parents and stuff. Howard said that he may be too good to be on Jerry's show.
Jerry said that there's something about Long Island that makes funny people. They have a lot from Long Island. Howard said that he grew up with a father that was funny but in an angry way. Howard said he bets that if he talked to Jerry about how he grew up he'd find out that he's got anger toward them. Jerry said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if his father put his arm around him. Jerry said he never did. He said that's not what they did back then. Howard said that he must be a different kind of father. Jerry said he treats his kids the same way because look at how he turned out.
jerry asked how much it costs to do a session with a shrink. Howard said it's a little less than $300. Jerry said there was a great joke about psychiatry. He said that the person said that Woody Allen has probably gone to the best psychiatrist for probably 60 years and yet he still looks at his step daughter and thinks ''Hey, she looks pretty good.'' He said he thinks that may have been a Richard Jeni joke.
jerry said he didn't know Howard was so fascinated with the joke writing process. Howard said he's the same way with rock stars. He said he loves to find out how that works.
Howard said Jerry went out and did a thing on stage at the Transcendental Mediation thing. Howard said that Jerry gets laughs right away but he has to keep it going and that has to be hard. Howard asked if he feels comfortable on stage more than he does in life. Jerry said you shouldn't feel comfortable up there. He said it's work and you should be busy up there.
Howard asked Jerry about Chris Rock's HBO special and how it's one of the most brilliant hours he's ever seen. Howard asked Jerry if he was shocked at how great Chris became in that special. Jerry said yes. He said that the first call Chris got was from him. He said that he told Chris ''you did it.'' Howard asked if he's offended by the N-word being used so much. Jerry said he's not offended by anything.
Jerry said he heard that Howard was preparing for this interview today. Howard said he did. He didn't get to one question he wrote down. Howard asked if he's happily married. Jerry said he is. Howard asked if that's really true. Jerry said it is. Howard said that he had a conversation with Jerry before he got together with his wife. Howard said that he talked to Jerry about how he didn't know how anyone could get married.
Howard asked if they have to be witty and funny through a conversation off the air. Jerry said he doesn't because he's already funny.
Howard said Jerry must be worth 800 million. jerry said Howard has no idea what he's worth. He said that he finds it embarrassing what they claim he makes. He said that they make stuff up and it's just way off. Howard asked if people pick up a check when he goes out to dinner. Jerry said they do. Howard said that he was wondering if he's really connected to his wife and kids. He said he works on material all the time and he must think about how funny a fight would be with his wife and things like that. Howard said there's no way he's there in the room. He claims he's happy though. Jerry asked why he has to be in the room to be happy.
Howard asked Jerry if he misses the women coming on to him. Jerry said not at all. He said he loves his wife. Howard said she's a lovely woman.
Jerry asked Howard how he developed his low register voice for radio. He asked how he did that. Howard said that Jerry's voice was 3 times higher when he was on the Carson show. Howard said when he first got on radio he was very nervous and insecure. Howard said he was socially awkward and his voice would tighten up. He said he was doing a lot of vocal things trying to figure out how to relax. He said he wasn't able to do it. He said once he stopped caring so much it just lowered like it was in real life. Jerry said Howard has a very broad octave range. Howard said that Howard would be a great comedian because his voice is a phenomenal tool.
Howard said he had to figure out how to talk into a microphone too. Howard said he was straining listening to his voice. He figured out that he could run compression through his headphones and that helped too. He said it boosted the level. He said that the compression would boost his voice so he didn't have to yell into the microphone. Howard said that helps him to talk.
Howard said that jerry must have blown his voice out at clubs with a shitty set up. Jerry said he's right. He said a few months ago he was pushing too hard so he just stopped doing it. Jerry said that he didn't have to do all of the self ''thinky-thinky.''
Howard asked jerry if he would ever do movies. Jerry said he doesn't care about them. He said he has thought about doing a Pop-Tart movie. He said that it would be like a funny Mad Man type thing. Howard asked if he ever eats those things. Jerry said no.
Howard asked if he ever wants to go up to Chris Rock and tell him to just stop with the movie making. Jerry said that he has done the TV thing and he's free to do what he wants. He said every comedian wants to do that official show business thing and succeed at it.
Howard asked if Jerry ever does private parties. Jerry said he does. He said that he did one for the Orlando Magic on Richard Branson's island. He said it was for like 16 people on couches about 2 years ago. He said about 2 months later the place burst into flames. Howard said he knows that Billy Joel will get a million or two to do a private party.
Howard asked Jerry if he thought it was odd to talk to 16 people. Jerry said he did find it odd. Howard asked if he just wanted to sit down and talk to them personally. Jerry said they wanted a set from him so that's what he did. He said he figured if he had 10 of the 16 laughing then he was killing. He said it was a full hour of stuff too. He said that he did his show and got right out of there when he was done.
Howard asked if his agent called and told him that he had a crazy offer to do a set. Jerry said that's exactly what happened. He said he had to think about that one for a while.
Howard asked Jerry if his wife ever complains about him not spending time with the kids. Jerry said she knew what she was getting into. He said that it ain't fun when a comedian gets home from work. He said that his wife is clever and brilliant and she realized that's what she had and she liked it.
Howard asked Jerry about his friends like Kelly Ripa and Mark Conseulos. Jerry said he has a friend named Johnny Mews too and he's a landscaper. He said he has regular friends too. Jerry said Gary Siegler is a great guy too. He said the guy is funny and he's fun to hang out with. He said he's a hedge fund guy.
Jerry told Howard that when they get a job to do a sales convention it's the best. He said those crowds are the greatest.
Howard said that Jerry's show is on ComediansInCarsGettingCoffee.com. Howard asked if he's making good money doing that. Jerry said they're doing fine. He said he was never into it for the money though. He said he never has been.
Howard asked Jerry if he thinks Jerry Lewis is funny. Jerry said he's great. Howard said he's not a stand up comedian though. Jerry said he did some great movies. Howard said he's not challenging him. Jerry said the guy is a genius of comedy. Howard asked if it upsets him when Lewis says that women aren't funny. Jerry said he's old and they do that.
Jerry said that he did the first season of his Comedians in Cars show and they had 10 white people on. He said Colin Quinn warned him that he was going to get in trouble if he didn't watch it. Jerry said that he was right. He said people were wondering why he didn't have women or black people on his show. Jerry said that they wrote it up when he had Sarah on the show and said that he finally had a woman on the show. Howard said they want to see the controversy. Jerry said it's all about who's funny to him. He said he doesn't like it when they take it in that direction.
Howard asked Jerry what he thinks about this Paula Deen thing. Jerry said that they're showing some signs of intelligence with that whole thing.
Howard asked Jerry about some of these comedians who get specials and if he calls Chris Rock up and talks to him about how bad they are. Jerry said they really don't do that. He said they talk about how tough it can be out there.
Howard said that he's going to stop by at Jerry's party. Jerry said that was his wife's idea. Howard asked Jerry if he doesn't want him coming around. Jerry said that's not it at all.
Howard gave Jerry some more plugs for his internet show and said you can find it on ComediansInCarsGettingCoffee.com. Jerry said it's also on Crackle.
Howard told Jerry he should go on America's Got Talent and try out for the million bucks. He said he thinks he could win. Jerry said that would be funny. He asked Howard if he likes that gig. Howard said he does. He said that he always liked the show and talked about it on the air. He said that NBC approached his agent. Howard said his agent didn't think he'd like the offer. Howard said he wanted to hear the pitch. He figure nothing could be more shocking than Howard Stern being on a family show. Howard said he got more and more intrigued and he signed up for one season. Then he decided to do another. He said he doesn't like the travel but it's fun to do. Howard said that they shoot it at Radio City this season so that will be good. He told Jerry to bring his kids down there. Robin said Howard is part of the NBC family now. Howard said Jerry is out and now he's in.
Jerry said he looks forward to seeing him out on Long Island. Howard gave him oem more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard played more of Paula talking about how she thinks everyone should be created equal. Howard cut it off and said that someone wrote a letter to the editor in the NY Post. He said the writer said that they're going off on a woman who is 66 and raised in the deep south and complaining about her using the N-word at some point in her life. There are other people saying fuck her and talking how disgusting this is.
JD said in one clip Paula says that she only used the N-word once after she was robbed. Then she's called out on that about using it at some other time. Paula said she had a gun pulled on her and that's when she used it. She said that she has never used the word other than that time the man put the gun to her head. Paula said that man was later caught. Matt Lauer asked her if she had ever used that word on any other occasions. Paula said that it's not a part of who we are.
JD said in the clip after that she said that she's not sure that they're offended by that word based on how they talk to each other in the kitchen. Howard played that one next. Matt Lauer was asking about a statement she made about how she can't figure out what offends another person. Paula said that it's distressing to go into her kitchens and hearing what the young people are calling each other. Howard said she's right about that. Robin said that she could stop that by telling them not to use that language in her kitchen.
Howard said he wants to hear her cry. JD told Howard where the clips were. Howard played one where Paula was talking about how she usually comes there happy and now people are believing these horrible stories about her. She said that if you've never committed a sin then pick up that boulder and hit her over the head. Howard said that would be great if Al Roker picked up a rock and hit her over the head.
Howard said that Jerry was great. Robin said Larry King was good too. Howard said he thinks he's done after that. He said they should just retire now. Howard said Jerry is a really funny guy. Howard said his sitcom has to be in the top 3 of all time. Robin said that she's never seen a show where people just quote the show all the time. Howard said his dad loves Jerry and he can quote everything he said in his show. Howard said his dad can't quote him.
Robin said that Gange was supposed to be taping the Seinfeld shows for Howard's daughters teacher when he ended up sending porn. Howard said that this guy asked him to get some Seinfeld episodes for this sick woman and Gange ended up sending her a porno. Howard said you couldn't write that in a way that anyone would believe it. Howard said the woman's husband was an ex-priest too. He said he was finally doing something nice and that happened. Howard said he doesn't know why he didn't fire him that day. Howard said it's remarkable.
Gary said Gange is there and he said it's been 20 years and he'd like to just forget it. Gary said that he thinks that they called Howard's wife asking if they thought that was a joke. Howard said he's really a sap and a sucker for not firing him. Gary asked Howard if the following 20 years has meant anything. Howard said no. Gange came in and told Howard to just fire him already. Gange said that he remembers Howard calling him not his office and how he looked at him like he had stabbed him in the back. Howard said he ended up giving Gange a promotion to get him out of the house. He went to work for the TV show instead.
Howard asked Gange how old he is. Gange said he's 43 now. He said he was 20 when he started as an intern. Gange said this is the only job he's ever had. He said he loves working for Howard. Howard asked if you can fire a guy for something he did 20 years ago. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard said he hired Gange because he had beautiful hair. He asked what happened.
Howard asked Gange if he has a girlfriend. Gange said not yet. He said that he's trying to find someone. Howard said that no one is perfect. Gange said he's not looking for that. He said he's not able to find chemistry with anyone. Howard said he's always into someone like Tori Spelling. Gange said he was into that at one point. He said he grew up obsessed with Farrah Fawcett. He said that's who he thought he should be with. Gange said that he's not in a rush and he's waiting to find someone who he really likes. Howard said Gange is a pleasant looking guy but he could lose a few pounds. Gange said he's not going to just marry anyone.
Howard asked when he last dated. Gange said it was a few months ago. Howard said he can't imagine why the ladies aren't lining up for him. Howard said he doesn't have a good rap. He said Ronnie has a rap. He said that you'd think the ladies would see them on paper and go with Gange. Gange said that Grillo had a rap too. He said he just doesn't have it.
Howard asked Gange what he's doing for his birthday. Gange said he's already celebrated. Howard thanked him for still being there after all these years. Howard said that he'll never forget that story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought the Larry King thing was a joke at first. He said it turned out to be very interesting though. Howard said the day went by very fast today. Howard said it's 10 o'clock already.
Robin said that they've always had a problem with Larry's creditability but Howard believed all of his stories today. Howard did two live commercial reads and then went to break.
Howard came back and he was still talking about Gange and how he screwed up the taping of Seinfeld. Howard said that he didn't remove the tab from the tape so it didn't record.
Howard said that some guy gave away his 4 month old pet because his kid didn't like it. Howard said he finds that hard to understand.
Howard took a call from Wheels who called in yesterday and told them about how he paralyzed himself. Howard said he was thinking about that all day long yesterday. Howard said he made one bad move and he has to pay the rest of his life. Howard said the guy had just turned 29 when he did that. Wheels said a lot of people break their necks in the summer so he sees a lot in the hospital every summer.
Howard said he was reading about why people see light and how it's the brain shutting down. He said it's not really light you're seeing, it's just the brain shutting down and processing the white.
Wheels said that he called today to talk about Howard dancing and why it didn't make it to Howard TV. Howard said that they may not have been able to clear the song. Wheels asked if he's going to dance with Beth at Jimmy's wedding. Howard said he will but he dances real lame. Howard said he'll just stand there and hug his wife. Wheels told him to keep his hands below his shoulders.
Howard had Benjy tell them about this Supreme Court ruling. Benjy said that they struck down the DOMA thing. Robin said that was the Defense of Marriage Act. Robin said that
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Howard had a look on his face like he didn't want to see the gospel group. Howard said that they were really good and he wasn't going to X them. King said if you go to church on any Sunday you can see that. Howard said he's never seen anyone that good. Robin said there are great singers all over America. Howard said that he doesn't feel any pressure for race when he sees them on AGT.
Howard talked about how he puts through some people based on what they could possibly do. Howard said that he put that little girl who sings because there is a market for that. Howard said he gives people a second chance on the show if they're good.
King said he and his boys were talking about Howard last night and they were wondering if he's worth more than Jay-Z. Howard said no way. He said that he isn't even near that kind of money. Howard said he has to get going. King asked if he has more money than Jay Leno. Howard said he has no idea. He said he doesn't know what anyone is making. King said he must go home and figure that out. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the selection being made for Best Sativa and marijuana. Robin said it's called Cracker Jack. Howard said he thought so. Fred played Gary's trumpet clips to celebrate. Robin told him to shut up. Howard said he's trying to celebrate. Howard said he wishes he could smoke pot. He said it's such a cool thing to do. Howard said he just can't smoke that stuff. He said he likes to stay alert and tortured. He said he doesn't want anything to wash away that misery he lives in. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about James Gandolfini and how people are honoring him. Robin said that his home town in New Jersey will be honoring him today and his funeral will be in New York tomorrow.
Robin said that Michael Jackson's oldest son will testify in his wrongful death suit today. Robin said Prince Michael Jackson is going to speak today. Robin said that Michael's mother is suing AEG Live.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if they're going to give JD air time they have to give him public speaking lessons. He said it's painful to listen to. He said maybe they should put compression through his headphones.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Seinfeld was really good today. Ralph said that Brad Pitt is a big star. He said Robin almost knocked her over to meet Brad when they were out one night. He said that Brad doesn't do big action movies and that's why he doesn't have big box office. Robin said Brad Pitt makes movies for Brad Pitt. Howard said he wants to be a serious actor and he picks movies that aren't big blockbusters. Howard said that by Robin's definition then the actor in the new Superman is a big star. Howard said that not all movies are blockbuster movies. Howard said a movie star can make a shitty movie and get people to go see it. Robin said he might have a good argument there. Howard said no one would have gone to see Meet Joe Black without Brad Pitt in it.
Ralph asked if Jason Statham is a big star. Robin said he is a big action star. Ralph said that's good because he's going to be on GEEKTIME on Friday.
Robin read about a guy who had unlawful sexual contact with an 81 year old woman. Robin read about this guy brought the woman to a bar before committing the crime. Howard asked how old the guy is. Robin said she's not sure. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how he was aggressively buying her beer. Robin said he did this to have sex with her. Robin said a few hours later the granddaughter found the guy and her grandmother in bed together. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about a city in Maryland that is trying to deal with drooping pants. Howard said he had them on last night on AGT. Robin said they want to ban them from the Boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about President Obama and what he's been saying about how to address climate change. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about how the coal industry can't be the only one to blame. Robin had some clips of Obama talking about climate change as well.
Robin had some audio of Mick Jagger talking during a concert and saying that the President wasn't there but he's sure he's listening in. He was referring to the NSA spying story. Howard said he should just shut up and sing ''Paint it Black.'' He said that microphone is for singing, not for talking.
Robin read about Anthony Weiner being ahead in the polls. Robin had some audio of a woman commenting on that and how she would vote for him because there really was no sex scandal.
Robin said that Miley Cyrus is out promoting her new album. She was on Jimmy Kimmel talking about working with Snoop Lion. Howard said he hopes Jimmy will be alright with that black eye. Howard said he opened the car door into his own eye.
Robin said Miley also talked about how she hired one of her fans to work for her. Robin said that didn't work out very well for David Spade. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what takes Gary so long to get to the show every day. Gary showed up and said that Howard wants to talk to him after the show so he has to do that.
The caller asked about Larry King and the Sandy Koufax questions. Gary said that Larry had a story about him in his book years ago and they addressed that in the past. He said that they didn't want go through that again. He said Howard wanted to talk to Larry about other stuff.
Gary and Jon also talked about Larry getting kicked out of a baseball game his kid was in. Jon said he has thrown a parent out of a game before. He said he was an umpire and he threw the guy out when he started yelling at him for making a call he didn't like. Jon said that it felt really good to kick him out. He said the guy was an idiot. Gary said that the bigger issue is that his kids asked him not to do it anymore. Gary said that no kid that age wants attention drawn to them.
Jon said that they had two titans of broadcasting there this morning. He said that Larry was huge. Gary said Larry knows what makes a good interview. Jon said he has stories upon stories. Gary said he had stories about JFK and Justin Bieber and you know he's been doing it a long time if he has stories like that.
Jon and Gary talked about Larry talking about how he thought Ryan Seacrest would be good to take over his show. Benjy asked if Larry is just doing the same show he used to do. Gary said he thinks he is. Benjy asked if it would change the way they do the show if they knew less people were watching. Gary said he thinks that Larry doesn't really care that much about that. Jon said Larry talked about how he loved doing radio because of the freedom he had to do whatever he wanted. Gary said that you can do pretty much whatever you want on radio.
Jon said Larry is always at ease on the air. He said he makes other people feel comfortable. Jon said that Jerry and Howard were having a discussion about how they make conversation with people and Jerry can talk about comedy with comedians but he has to come up with an angle for someone else. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said that Howard and Jerry were talking about how they try to enjoy life and Jerry was saying that he doesn't have to enjoy it as long as he's making people laugh.
Jon asked Gary what he thought of Jerry saying that success is the enemy of comedy. Gary said he reads books about rock stars and the most interesting stuff is their struggle. He said if you're not struggling then you're not honing your craft.
Jon said Jerry was talking about how he's always working on material and Howard said it can't be always. Jon said Jerry said it really is all the time and Howard found that interesting. Gary said that Howard tried to bring Jerry down the road of psychotherapy and Jerry didn't go for it. He said that he was goofing on Howard about it and basically said that he's wasting his money on therapy.
Gary said he found it interesting how Jerry talked about how he doesn't think about what people think about when he enters a room.
Jon said that comedians are in a different club and he wasn't sure if he was joking about Howard not being funny enough to be on his show or not.
Jon asked what Robin was trying to say when she said that Jerry is ''Seinfeld.'' Gary said that he is what you see on the TV show.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked what he thought of the whole thing. Ronnie said that he heard Jerry talking to someone downstairs and he heard him talking about how he prepared to come to the show. He said he had material to shoot back at Howard if he needed it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Curb Your Enthusiasm is just as good as Seinfeld. Gary said they're both great shows. The caller said that Larry obviously created that Seinfeld show. Jon said that he thinks a lot of the stories in Seinfeld were Larry's stories but they collaborated on the show. Jon said he thinks that you can tell Larry wasn't there toward the end of Seinfeld though.
Jon asked what they think of the Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee idea. Gary said he thinks it's great. He said he's seen some very good episodes.
Gary said he had an interaction with Larry David once. Gary said he had the chance to go to a taping of Seinfeld once and it was the one with the junior mints and the girlfriend who had a name that rhymed with a private part.
Gary said that he had a friend there who told Larry that it must be great to have a hit show. Larry said it was actually terrible because he had to work so hard on it. Gary said Howard said he understands that. Gary said that he's not sure what the point of having a show is if you won't enjoy it. Gary said Howard had an explanation for that too an said if you're not miserable doing it then you won't be successful.
Gary said that he gets so many emails and tweets about Larry David not being on the show. Gary said Larry has never asked to be on. Jon said he would love to see it. He said that Howard and Larry are similar in a lot of ways. He said that he would love to hear that conversation.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jerry was getting kind of short with Howard on some of his questions. Gary didn't think he was. Gary said he watched the whole thing on the monitor and didn't get that at all. He said that you have to see the way they're reacting sometimes. Jon said it was very cool seeing them go at it. The caller said that he thought that it seemed kind of short like he wanted Howard to just get through it. Jon said he thinks that's part of Jerry's personality. He said that's kind of how he rubs off on you.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the July 5th party. Gary said he's wondering about the other person who is having a party. He said that it's funny that Robin said that people do go to two parties. Jon said it was funny how Jerry said he didn't have to come. Gary said he thought that Jerry thought it would be fun to have him there since their wives are good friends. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon said he loved the one where George shoved the grandmother out of the way when there was a fire at a kid's party. Gary also pointed out that Larry David voiced George Steinbrenner in the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thought Jerry was kind of rushing through some of the stuff during the interview. Jon said that he thinks that he has an arrogance but he thinks that he's earned it.
Jon said that Jerry was saying that he wouldn't put himself in the list of great comedians like Carlin and Pryor. Gary said that a lot of people would call him a comic's comic. Gary said he saw him at Wesbury Music Fair years ago and it was a great set. He said that he might not be doing the cutting edge stuff and that's why he's left off the list.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a huge Seinfeld fan. He said he was kind of off put by him because he doesn't give Howard the credit he deserves. He said that he said Howard wasn't a comedian. Gary said he couldn't tell if he was jabbing him or if he was just doing it for fun. Jon said with Howard it's a different kind of entertainer. Jon said when they recorded Jerry's intro he couldn't believe how late Howard did his show.
Jon said he wanted to ask Ronnie if he thinks Howard would be comfortable in a car with Jerry if they went out for a drive. Gary said you know he'd bring an MG or something that Howard wouldn't fit in and Howard would be complaining.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about how interesting the Seinfeld interview was and how much you learn listening to him when Jerry breaks it all down. Gary said Jerry treats it like a science.
Jon said that Howard talking to Larry King and Jerry Seinfeld was great because they were talking to the greatest in the business.
Jon said that Gange is still getting grief after all these years. Gary said that Gange should be laughing at that whole thing but he's still at the same job and he can't mock it. Gary said he's sure that Gange doubts Howard's love for him sometimes. Gary said that he's not sure that if he had made that mistake if he could stay there. He said that it comes up like 2 times a year and he doesn't think he could take it. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:30am.
In the clip Howard asked Gary to get Arnold on the phone. Howard said they have a whole process they go through to get Arnold on the line. He said he says get him on the line and his assistant calls him.
Arnold was on the line a minute later. Howard said they are starting their broadcast into Los Angeles in a few weeks and Arnold is calling to congratulate them. Arnold said the people of Los Angeles are getting some fresh air with Howard being there. Howard said he has to get there to destroy Mark and Brian in the ratings. Arnold said they knew about Howard but now he'll be there.
Arnold said that he has to get into shape now. Howard said he has been working out for years but the problem is that he looks like Linda Hamilton after all these years. Arnold told Howard how hard she worked out for the movie. He said she looks terrific. Howard said she's cute. Arnold said she looks great. He said her acting was great too.
Howard said he saw Terminator 2 yesterday and they were blown away. Howard said the first 3 minutes of the movie must have cost $50 million to make. Arnold thanked him for that. He said that there are people who pay to see these movies and they deserve it. He said they were really happy that this movie came out so well. He said Jim Cameron wrote it and he did a great job with it.
Howard said he predicts it will make $30 million on the opening weekend. Howard said he thinks it will gain over the next weekend. Howard said everyone is waiting for this movie. Robin said people haven't been going to the movies this summer. Howard said he thinks this movie will get them to go.
Howard said he and Arnold are alike. He said they both work out with weights and they both know that America is easy to conquer. Arnold said he wouldn't have been able to carve out a career like he has in any other country. He said this is the best place in the world.
Howard said that Americans are weak and lazy. He said that's why he's conquering the radio industry. He said he will raise himself up and become the greatest radio broadcaster. Howard said that he has done it in New York and Philadelphia and now he's going to do it in Los Angeles. Arnold said they will hear Howard and say ''Ah, that's what we were waiting for.''
Robin asked if Arnold knew he would be such a big star. Arnold said he had no idea how far things would go. He said after the Conan movies he didn't expect anything. He said he was surprised when the movies took off. Howard said he's fun to watch. Howard asked if he lays in bed thinking about how much better he is than Sylvester Stallone. Arnold said he's a nice guy. Howard said he is weak.
Howard asked Arnold about the beginning of Terminator 2 and how he's balled up naked. He asked if he's really naked. Arnold said that's him. He asked Howard if he thinks that there are other people who are in that kind of shape. Howard said he's just wondering if they see ''little Arnold'' there. Arnold said he's not little Arnold. He said they see big Arnold. Arnold said they have him in a bath robe and he takes it off when they're ready to shoot the scene. He said he would do anything for Jim Cameron.
Howard said he swears he's hung like a woman. He said his wife said he had a pimple and he had to tell her that it's his manliness.
Howard asked Arnold when he's going to come in the studio. Arnold said next time he's in New York he'll come in.
Howard asked Arnold if he has ever seen him on Letterman. Arnold said he doesn't watch late night TV much. He said that he hasn't seen Howard's TV show either.
Gary told Howard that they're going to be giving away a Terminator pinball machine. They're doing a screening of the movie for some fans. Arnold said he has Terminator t-shirts and things like that too.
Howard asked if Linda Hamilton is single. Arnold said she isn't married. Robin said she just had a baby. Arnold said the baby is great and she had it on the set of the movie. Howard said that must be annoying on the set. Arnold said it wasn't at all. He said he had his baby there too. Howard asked if she saw Arnold's penis in that scene. Arnold said she wasn't there. It was a closed set.
Arnold said he had to run. Howard said that he has never seen movie making like this Terminator movie. Howard said he expects to see him in person next time. He let him go a short time later. Howard said that movie really was incredible. Howard said they're not just kissing his ass. He said they really did like the movie. Howard said that Robin was talking through the whole thing. Robin said that she knew Howard was going to say that. Howard said it's good that Arnold likes them. He said he just needs him to say that he needs them. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard brought up how Gary is seeing a new girlfriend. Gary said he's just seeing someone and she's not really a girlfriend. Howard said that she is romantic though. Gary said she is. Howard said in other words he popped her. Gary said he's not saying that.
Howard asked if they know her. Gary said they did meet her once, briefly. Howard was trying to guess who it was. He was guessing that it was someone from MTV but he was wrong. Gary said Howard met her but Robin didn't. Gary said Howard, Ronnie and Neil met her but not Robin. Howard kept trying to guess who it was. He wasn't having much luck. Howard said he thinks he has it. He said it was Neil's mother in law. Gary said Stuttering John met her too.
Howard asked if he's dating one of the advertising girls. Gary said that's not it. He told Howard that she's one of the leather skirt girls. Howard said it's one of the girls who showed up at the in store appearance he made to sell his video tape. Howard said one of them had him sign her buttocks.
Howard congratulated Gary but then told him he was fired. Howard said this girl is cute too. Howard asked if he's had her. Gary said he's not saying. He said he'll have to ask her. Howard said both girls were up there in the lobby for days and they would flirt and come on to Gary. Howard said they have Gary doing something for them. Gary said he's emceeing a body building show. He said they hired him to do that. Howard said they had two lunch meetings so he must have asked her there. Gar said it wasn't there.
Howard said he had the woman on the phone. He said he has to get her on. He said she thinks that she's going to be a regular on the show now. Howard said as long as she's associated with Gary she thinks she'll get on. Howard said he won't let that happen.
Howard said that he has seen the women Gary has dated and he can't say that Gary got them on his own. Gary said that he's gotten some women through the show but he can get them on his own too. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard got the girlfriend on the phone and asked how it was having sex with Gary and not with him. She said she closed her eyes and pretended to be with Howard. Howard said he knew it. He said that these girls wanted to be on the show and now they are. Howard said she had to pay a heavy price by dating Gary though.
Howard asked the girlfriend how the dating is going and how the first date was. Gary told Howard about what she wore and how good she looked. Howard said that she's pretty tall too. Gary said that she's a little taller than him. Howard asked how big her breasts are. He said they must be a C. Gary said he would guess so. He wasn't saying he slept with her or saw them. Howard said that she could have been with him but now she's been fouled by Gary. Howard said it's like the Valdez crashed inside of her. Howard said she has Gary's cooties all over.
Howard asked how Gary's teeth and breath were. She said it was fine. Gary said he didn't even kiss her on the first date. The woman said that they are just friends. Howard asked if they're really going to be like this and pretend. She said that she doesn't think Howard is giving him enough credit. Howard asked if she's falling in love with Gary. She said no. She hasn't known him that long.
Howard said this girl isn't that young. She said she's 29. Howard said that she's been celebrating that birthday for about 5 years now. She said no way. She said she's really 29. Gary said she's close to that.
Howard asked if she's going to continue to see Gary. She said she is. Howard said that Gary must be upset that she wanted him. Gary said that when she moves on he'll just move on to the next one that wants Howard.
Howard asked if the girl makes noise in bed. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard made some noise and asked if that's what it was like. Howard had both of them laughing. Howard asked Gary if he does that stuff that he talks about in the office. Gary said that it's very early in the relationship so he's not doing that. Howard said Gary does some nasty stuff to women he dates. He said there's a reason his breath smells the way it does. He said that it's from years of doing weird stuff. Howard asked if she smells good. Gary said she wears a lot of perfume. Howard asked if she shaves. Gary said he wouldn't know if she shaves. She said that she's groomed.
Howard said that this girl is never going to hang out with him and she's never coming over to his house. Howard said the only way that's going to happen is if she marries Gary. Howard asked where she lives. Gary said she's out in New Jersey.
Howard said this girl is in live with him, not Gary. He said that she showed up to meet him at Roosevelt Field to meet him. He said when she couldn't be with him she went out with Gary. Howard said this is the girl that's making Gary happy. Gary said that he is happier. Howard asked what her first name is. She said it's Ginger. Gary said that's for air purposes. Howard said she has a few extra years on her but that will do until Gary finds a younger one. Howard asked if they do phone sex with each other. Gary said that he wouldn't know where to begin.
Howard said smell is really important to him. He said he had a girl who had bad smelling breasts. He said they had a rubber smell. He said that it was real stinky and he never saw her again. Howard said he let her do some stuff to him and then walked out. He said that he told her to get out of there after that. Howard said he was disgusted by that. Howard said that his friends were with her and maybe he was just smelling them on her. Howard said he could smell that smell over the perfume she had on. Howard said that he has to like the smell to be with a girl.
Howard told Ginger that this is the last time he's talking to her. He said it sounds like she likes Gary though. Howard said she's only with Gary because of him. He said that she's too hot for Gary. He said she's so out of his league. Howard said he can't take it anymore. He told Gary to say ''God bless Marconi.'' They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Miss Howard Stern's Sex With KC Story. 06/27/06. 7:10am
After the break Howard was listening to Cheap Trick's ''I Want You To Want Me'' and talking about how great they were. He said he couldn't even bring himself to pot down the song because he liked it so much. He had Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' on the phone so he quickly moved on to her.
Andrea told Howard that she put that song ''I Want You To Want Me'' as her ring tone for KC a couple of years ago. She was also rambling a bit about some nonsense so Robin asked her if she was drinking again. She said she may have a had a few drinks. She was talking about KC as well and wondered if Howard was upset with KC for banging her.
Howard said that both of them are confused and suggested to KC that it may not have been a good idea for him to sleep with her because he doesn't love her. Andrea tried to explain how the whole KC thing happened. She said that KC came to her door while they were up at a hotel in Boston and that's where he banged her. She said that she never expected him to do that. She said that ''Zotard'' is the one who answered the door in her room. She didn't believe that it was KC there.
Andrea said that KC was very sweet to her and she was very happy when it happened. Howard wanted to know if Zolar left the room while she and KC were doing it. Andrea said that she and KC went back to KC's room and got in the bathtub. No words were spoken according to Andrea. She said she just knew what was going on. Howard tried to get the story down and found out that KC asked her to come back to his bathroom and things just started.
Andrea said that they did some foreplay. She gave him some oral and then KC wanted her in the shower real quick. She said she didn't know if he wanted it or not, she just did it herself. Andrea said that KC's friend was in the room so they went into the bathroom. KC then sat on the toilet with his penis out so she figured he wanted oral.
Andrea said it was actually very romantic. Howard said that the trick to getting girls is not sitting on a toilet with your penis out though. Andrea said they got in the shower after the oral since that's where KC wanted to have sex. She was very pleased with what was going on. KC asked her to go back to her room but she wasn't able to remember her room number so they had to go down to the front desk and ask.
Andrea said that she and KC are very much alike and people don't realize that. Howard said they're pretty sure they do realize that. Andrea told more of the story about going back to her room to have sex. She said she wasn't sure if KC blew his load during the oral. He did finish in her room and he may not have used a condom. She said KC will probably get upset if she talks about this stuff. She then told Howard that KC blew his load on her back because they were doing a lot from behind. She said she had an orgasm every time they did it.
Andrea said that she and KC always have fun when they hang out together. KC went out to gamble after the sex stuff. She had to get some rest so she stayed in her room and got some sleep. Howard said that KC could have stuck around to cuddle with her but he ran off to gamble instead.
Robin asked Andrea if KC was a good kisser. She said she didn't remember. She said she does remember that she was scared because KC was hiding her to make sure his girlfriend didn't find out about this. She said she was just calling in to let Howard know that KC didn't take advantage of her like he thought. She said she got a good friend out of this whole thing so she's happy.
She claims that KC is the only guy from the show who she has banged. Artie went into his Jeff the Drunk impression and said that he banged her. Andrea thought it was really him and told him to stop because she didn't bang him.
Andrea revealed that she's going to be tested for mental problems tomorrow and she's kind of afraid. She's going to be tested to see if she's bi-polar. Howard asked her if she hears voices and she said she does. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it because she might start crying. She said she hears voices telling her not to drink certain things. Howard thought that sounded like an OCD thing.
Howard asked Andrea if her TV has ever talked to her. She said that hasn't happened but she sometimes can't look at herself in the mirror because she sees a picture of what she might see if she looks. Huh? Howard wondered if the voices ever tell her to do bad things to people. That doesn't happen but she thinks that people are after her and people think she's crazy even though she's really not.
Howard said that the mental issues are the reason he told KC it may not have been a good idea to bang this chick. Robin said that both of them are mental so it's like a match. Howard wrapped up with Andrea and let her go a short time later. She said she may be coming in at the end of the month to perform with this guy Trent Tomlinson but that's up in the air right now.
Keanu Reeves' Band Dogstar Visit. 6/27/97. 7:45am
Did I spell his name right? I have no idea. Anyway, Keanu and his band came in to hang out with Howard for a little while this morning. They didn't perform any of their songs but Howard did play a song off of their CD. Howard asked Keanu about rumors of him being gay. He says the rumors are all false. He's not gay. At one point during the interview a woman called in and said that she'd do anything to get backstage at one of their shows. She said that she'd give all of the band oral sex but when Howard told her to bark like a dog she refused! She's willing to give they the oral but not bark like a dog on the phone. How strange is that? Howard gave her a chance but she blew it. She wouldn't oink like a pig either... Such a simple thing to get back stage and she wouldn't do it! Dogstar's CD isn't available in stores but if you go to their web site at www.dogstarfan.com you might be able to find out how to get one. It's called ''Our Little Visionary'' in case you were wondering. Keanu said that he's got a movie coming out this fall. He stars with Al Pachino.
Jackie Craps In The Stanley Cup. 05/30/07. 7:45am
After the break we heard about the time Jackie crapped in the Stanley Cup. The guys were talking about how Jackie can't talk about shit without gagging. He tells stories and when he starts to talk about crap he starts to choke and gag. Jackie said that he didn't actually take a shit in the Stanley Cup, it was just a joke.
That discussion led into the playing of the audio from the show where Jackie did the Stanley Cup thing. Howard had Claude Lemieux coming in with the cup and during the interview they took the cup to the bathroom and had Jackie pretend that he crapped in it. Here's some of what I wrote up during a replay of this same segment a couple of months ago...
We heard Howard talking about how they were bringing the cup in and how people pose with the cup doing strange things. Howard suggested that they have Jackie make a doody in it. Claude Lemieux was going to be bringing it in. Tom Chiusano came in and said that the cup isn't going to get any larger like Gary was saying it would. They were actually going to start taking off old teams from the cup.
Howard asked Fred what he was going to do with the cup. He wasn't sure but Howard told him to make sure he did it before Jackie did his thing. After an edit in the show we heard Howard introducing Claude Lemieux who brought the Stanley Cup in with him. Howard said the cup was huge when he brought it in. Howard asked Claude if he listens to the show. He said he does and he couldn't believe what he was hearing the first time he heard it. Howard wondered if he heard the word penis when he tuned in the first time. Claude said he did so Howard threw out a few penis and vagina references just in case someone was just tuning in.
Howard said that no one expected the NJ Devils to win that year. They talked about that and how there weren't many fans coming out to see them. Howard told him about what they wanted Jackie to do to the cup. Claude said they had to bring the cup to the Regis and Kathie Lee show after this show so that might not work. Howard told him to just go for it and let him do it. Claude said maybe they could do that during a commercial break.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Claude about his life and talked to him about his divorce. Claude talked about some of the crazy things they've done over the years playing hockey. Howard also talked about how he wanted to have Claude go to Scores with them and have a big Stanley Cup party there.
Howard got back to the Stanley Cup and asked him what they could do to it. Claude said that he doesn't know what's been done to that thing before he got it. Howard told him that they got a call asking how they were going to get the cup to the station this morning. The people handling it weren't even looking for a ride for Claude, they were looking for a ride for the cup.
Howard thought it would be funny if Jackie went to the bathroom in the cup. He told Jackie to just get up and go in it while Claude was there. Jackie got up and took the cup into the bathroom with him. He said he was really going to go to the bathroom in it. Claude didn't try to stop him either. He said that he hopes that Regis and Kathie Lee aren't listening. Howard asked Robin if she was attracted to Claude. She said that he was a very good looking man. She wouldn't say that she wanted to date him though.
Howard said that Jackie was really out there with the Stanley Cup. He heard that Tom Chiusano was standing out there next to the cup posing with it. Howard told Claude that Tom is the dumbest guy he knows. Howard called Tom in there and also had Jackie come back in. Jackie had really crapped in the cup according to Howard. Robin thought it was just chocolate. Howard told Gary to take it and go clean it up. Howard had taken a taste of it so it obviously wasn't real crap. Howard wrapped up with Claude a short time later.
In a later clip Howard talked about how the Stanley Cup ended up in a cab heading over to Regis and Kathie Lee's show. They had about 9 guys hanging out taking care of the cup and they were all upset that they had crapped in it. They were afraid to bring it in before they came up there. He said that they assured them that it would be okay. Howard showed some faxes they got about the whole thing and people were drawing pictures of him squatting over the cup and stuff like that.
Gary talked about how Jackie had run past the guys who were there taking care of the cup. Gary said that if Jackie really did crap in the cup, he'd be fired. He knew that they weren't really going to crap in it. Gary said he and the other guys were cleaning the cup out and those guys were poking their heads in checking it out.
Jessica The Stripper Orgasms During The News. 6/27/02. 9:25am
This stripper Jessica Abbot claims that she can orgasm 50 times an hour or so. Howard had her come in so she could do this during Robin's news segment. Howard spoke to her for a short time about that and about her being a lesbian. She said she's known that she was a lesbian since she was 14 or so. She told Howard she started touching herself when she was only 5 though.
Howard had Jessica laying down on a bed in the studio so she could do her thing. She had a vibrator with her to get her going. Howard kept trying to quiet her down during this segment because she just kept talking. Jessica turned on her vibrator and went at it. She immediately started moaning. Howard thought that it had to be fake but she says she really gets off that quick. Howard said she was wearing a thong that she pulled to the side to get into her ''garage.'' She had her first orgasm within a minute. Howard had her yell out numbers as she had her orgasms. Jessica's friend came in to help her out with this stuff. The friend was going to pull her hair and spank her while she did this stuff. Within minutes Jessica was up to number 4. She yelled out ''Four'' like she was in a golf tournament. Howard went to break right around the time she was up to number 6... working on 7. Howard let the audio feed through as they were cutting away to break and she was quickly up to number 15. They left the audio up through the commercial break so you could hear the moaning and screaming the whole time.
After the break Jessica was up to number 47 or so. By 9:50 she hit 60 and stopped. She wanted to give up after 50 or so but the guys encouraged her to keep going. She said she felt like she was giving birth at one point but the guys kept encouraging her. By the time she hit 60 only 21 minutes had passed according to Doug Goodstein from E!. Howard said her name will go down in the history of The Howard Stern Show after that performance. Robin had tried to do her news while Jessica was moaning but it was very hard to do. Once Jessica was done Robin went on with the news. Jessica dances at Anthony's in South Hadley, Massachusetts for those who are interested in seeing her.
Sal the Stockbroker called in as God and did a lame joke about how he wants Adam Carolla off the show because he's unfunny. Howard figured out it was Sal and told him that Adam is a hell of a lot funnier than him. He hung up on him but then remembered that Sal sent in some writing samples for the show that Howard thought were pretty bad. Sal called back a few minutes later and eventually told Howard he could read them on the air. Sal wrote some jokes that were too long about Cindy Crawford going up into space and one about Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Howard read them as if he were just saying the lines on his own. They weren't funny so Fred played some cricket sound effects in the background after each one. After the second joke Adam was silent for a few seconds and then said that he wasn't able to talk because he was laughing so hard. Sal still insists that he's funnier than Adam and Benjy (who is now writing for Howard like Jackie used to do). He was about to offer a challenge to the two of them but Howard hung up on him before he could get it out.
Gary told Howard that the only time Sal is funny is when he's goofing on him. He apparently tries to write jokes about other people in the same way but they don't seem to work.
After a commercial break Adam gave some advice to Sal. He said that if he really wants to break into the writing field, he has to hook up with a successful writer to create a team... Then he has to kill himself. That's the only way it'll work according to Adam.
Norm MacDonald On The Phone. 6/27/97. 8:35am
Comedian Norm MacDonald was on the phone to explain a story that Howard read the other day. Norm was performing his stand-up routine at some college out in Iowa when most of the audience walked out because of the profanity he was using. Norm explained how sometimes his act is clean and sometimes it's dirty and this time it was dirty. He said that about 1800 of the 2000 people that were there walked out during the act. The other 200 were enjoying the material he was doing. He said that one of the things he talked about was seeing a woman making love to a pig in a movie. Howard asked him what part of the act the people hated the most. Norm said that it was when he was talking about how guys will wait until their wives are asleep until they masturbate. At one point in the show Norm said he heard a guy say to his wife ''..get your coat..'' That's how bad it was. Norm blames the whole thing on his agent because the guy didn't tell Norm that there were kids in the audience. He also said that he's not going to apologize for what he did.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.