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Howard started the show talking about the anniversary of the death of Grandpa Al Lewis. He died in 2006. Howard said he was a frequent guest on the show in the early days. Howard played a clip from The Munsters that featured Grandpa.
Howard said the biggest moment Grandpa gave them was when he was on and said ''Fuck the FCC'' live on the air. Howard said they were holding a protest about the FCC fines and Grandpa just didn't understand. Howard played that clip next. Grandpa was asked to make a statement and keep it clean. He started out clean but soon started yelling ''Fuck the FCC! Fuck 'em!'' Howard told Grandpa to get out of there and cut him off.
Howard said that the FCC was so far up his ass you couldn't find them with a flashlight. Howard said they told Grandpa not to say anything dirty because they were working without a delay that day. Howard said he thought they were trying to fight for the right to say fuck on the air and that's not what they were there for. Howard said he was 64 way back then. He was like the same age as Ronnie. Howard said that they will all Miss Grandpa. He said it's good to remember him.
Robin asked when that new TV show about the Munsters is going to be on regularly. Howard said NBC passed on it. They did a one shot deal with that pilot.
Robin said a lot of the commercials were very average this year. Howard said he saw someone from Blackberry being interviewed and refusing to answer any questions about Apple. He said the guy could have said that they think they've created something better but the guy doesn't say a word. Howard had audio of the guy talking about the phone. Howard played the clip and the guy from Blackberry was asked about what he thinks about Apple and he just ignored the question. The guy just talked about what Blackberry has done and went on and on without referring to Apple. This went on for a few minutes. Howard said that's amazing. Howard said they're clearly on the decline and you can see why.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Alicia Keys killed it with her performance on the Super Bowl. Howard said she has some Tuchus. He said she was sitting down and you could see it. The caller said he got teared up. Howard said he found it emotionless. Howard said Jennifer Hudson has emotion. He said she came out with the Newtown kids and sang. Robin asked why we have to have all of that going on before the game. Howard said it all started after World War II and they did the patriotic thing. Howard said they kept it up all these years. Howard said the Jennifer Hudson performance was good but the kids must have been lip syncing. Howard said they weren't mic'd up. Howard said he thinks Jennifer Hudson was singing. Howard said it was very emotional seeing that. Howard said he doesn't think the kids had microphones though.
Howard said Bob Lefsetz sent a note to him about the Beyonce performance. He said it wasn't singing really, it was more of a dance performance. Howard said she makes a lot of women feel good with those big thighs of her's. Howard said that the Destiny's Child girls came out and he thinks one gay guy in the audience was happy about that. Howard said that no one gave a shit about Destiny's Child. Howard said Beyonce did very little singing and did a lot of dancing. Howard said it was like Dancing with the Stars. He said he's old school and he wants to see a singer sing. He said he doesn't care about dance.
Robin said Madonna and Britney Spears danced. Howard said he didn't give a shit about Madonna. Howard said he was watching this Beyonce thing and he thought she should come out and do a whole gym experience. He said if she wants to show all of that exercise then she can do that.
Howard said he's not sure he wants to see dancing. Howard said he'd rather see singing. Howard said they've had some good performers in the past. He asked Robin who she would want to see next. Howard said Psy was in that Pistachio commercial. Howard said he likes pistachios. He said his mother-in-law got him some and that's probably why he's 7 pounds over weight. Howard said Psy has to squirrel away some money so that's why he's doing these things. Howard said the odds of him having another hit is about zero.
Howard said he thought they weren't allowed to make the commercials louder than the show. Howard said they still do it. Robin said they keep coming out with rules about that but they keep doing it.
Howard said he heard about some player named LaMichael but he doesn't know who that is. Howard said he thinks that's a funny name. He was told that it's a real name that he heard. Howard said he wants to be called LaHoward.
Howard said the Godaddy.com commercial with Bar Rafaeli was funny. He said she had to kiss the ugliest guy on the planet. Howard said they say that it took 30-40 takes with the kiss. He said Bar must have thrown up after every one. Howard said they added in the kissing noises and you could vomit from that thing. He said it's very effective though. He said he knows what they do and that's it.
Howard said the movie Oz looks interesting. He said he didn't know that was coming out. Howard said it's the story of the Wizard this time.
Howard said he liked the Library commercial for Oreo's. He said he liked the cars.com commercial with the baby wolf. Robin said that didn't make any sense to her at all. Howard said she has to pay attention.
Howard said Blackberry was the biggest blunder. Howard said Iron Man 3 looks like it's going to be great. He said he has to pick who to save from being blown out of a plane.
Howard said he liked the robot girls in the Kia commercial. He said the worst other than Blackberry was the commercials Stevie Wonder was in. Robin said it was a beer commercial. Howard said it was outrageously bad. Howard said he has no idea what was going on there.
Gary came in and said that it was based on a series of commercials that's been airing all season. Gary said it should make sense to anyone who has never seen it. Howard said he didn't think it did and it was awful.
Howard missed the Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd commercial. Howard said he must have fast forwarded through that. Howard said he went to bed and taped the rest of the game. He said he figured he could watch the game instead of the commercials. Howard said that's it in a nutshell.
Robin asked about the Volkswagen commercial with the white guy with the Jamaican accent. Howard said he couldn't care less about it. Robin said she wasn't sure if it was offensive or not.
Robin asked how Howard would feel about the 49ers quarterback, Kaepernick, who was given up for adoption. Howard said he loves it when someone kicks the bad mother in the teeth. Robin said he has shunned his birth mother after she reached out to him. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said that Kaepernick has a lot of bad tattoos on him. Robin also told Howard that the guy who was the inspiration for the movie The Blind Side plays for the Ravens. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he wishes he had.
Howard said he was wondering about the guy in the wheelchair at the end that they were thanking. Gary said he doesn't know. He said Jon just said he played for the Ravens. Howard said he's going to find out. Howard asked when he played for the Ravens. JD said he works in the office for the Ravens. Howard asked what happened there. JD came in and said he doesn't know a whole lot. He said he knows he suffered with ALS. Howard said that's the same information he had. JD said he just knows he works in the office. He said he doesn't know much else. Howard said he knows nothing.
Robin said the guy's name is OJ Brigance. Robin said he joined the Ravens in 2000. Jon came in and said he got ALS from playing. He played for just one season. Howard said he didn't know you could get that from playing. Jon said they really don't know. Jon said there's another guy who played and he got sick after playing a season and now he's dying.
Howard said you watch the guys getting tackled and you wonder how they get up. Robin said it's like modern day gladiators. Gary said he saw a report saying that the game may not exist as they know it in 30 years. He said its' going to be considered barbaric. Howard said he's not sure how they're going to let it go on. He said it is brutal. Howard said that these guys are bigger and stronger now than they were. He said the helmet is indestructible and that causes issues too. Howard said that's something he may have made up. They played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the NFL theme music.
Gary said when someone dies now they cut their brains open to see what the damage is doing to them. He said they can see the damage. Gary said the concussions start in high school and they continue on. Howard said he's not sure how they can continue this. Howard said the next thing you know they'll have guys like Gary the Retard playing.
Howard said that the blackout was kind of strange. Robin said she was amazed at the effect of that. IT knocked out all of the radio broadcasts. Howard said he thought Alicia Keys walked in front of the lights with that ass. Howard said that is a little too big for him. Robin said that he can't choose what people look like. Howard said he does too. Robin said that she can sing her ass off. Howard said if her ass knocked the lights out that can't be allowed.
Howard said it is fun when they're winning. He said he has felt that when he goes to a Knick game they never acknowledge him. He said Amare broke that and he felt good. He said he felt like Spike Lee but with a lot more talent.
Howard said something else he wanted to mention was about this guy who invented the Etch A Sketch dying. He said he died in France. Howard said he was from Ohio or something. Howard said he has to look it up. He said his name was Andre Cassagnes. Howard said the company that put it out was in Ohio. Howard said he's not sure how he died but he's assuming it was of old age. Howard said he had the idea in the late 1950s when he was working with a light switch plate. He peeled a pencil mark on a light switch plate that was transferred by a piece of tape. Howard said he came up with the idea and it must have sold 10 gazillion. Robin said it still has its niche. Robin said he was French.
Howard said he had to mention the passing of Ed Koch. Howard said they don't praise many politicians these days. He said that Koch was so great. He remembers the city being in turmoil when he was younger. Howard said that Koch came in and turned chaos into order. Howard said you rarely find anyone as devoted to the office as much as Koch was. Howard said the guy loved the city and he didn't want to live anywhere else. Howard said he ran for governor and made some comments about upstate and that kept him from being a serious contender.
Howard said High Pitch Mike was saying terrible things about Mayor Koch. Howard said he almost wrote to him but then he saw that he had 7 followers. Howard said he decided not to. Howard said that Mike was saying that Koch was a closeted homosexual. Howard said he hates to tell Mike this but so was his man Michael Jackson. Howard said that it was Koch's business and he said that it was no one else's. Howard said that Koch kept to himself and he had the right to do that. Howard said that people would ask him if he was homosexual and Koch would say that it was offensive to homosexuals. Howard said the guy was into the gay cause. Howard said he believes he would have been up front about it at some point in his life.
Howard said that Koch would have lunch with some of his closets staff members in his administration. He said he really cared about the city. He said he's going to miss a great guy like that. Robin said she would see him once in a while and he was moving more gingerly. She said he was always in a good mood. Howard said he looked kind of like his dad. Howard said that people would say ''Good job Mr. Mayor'' when they'd see his dad walking down the street.
Howard said this guy Larry Johnson came to him and said hello to him at the Knick game. Howard said he used to be a player. Howard said he had a back problem or something. Howard said that it was great when Amare yelled his name at the game. Howard said he was thrilled. He said Larry Johnson coming to him was great too. He said the guy was a huge black guy. Robin asked why he brings up their color. Howard said no black people shook his hand in Roosevelt. Howard said he's thrilled now when someone black wants to shake his hand.
Howard played a clip where some people were saying that they had better not teach their kids about this shit in school. He said they're not going to take over. They were saying that the Jews can't take over their month.
Howard said they threw in a question about him too. Howard said they asked what he and Black History Month have in common. One guy said that Howard is not black and he shouldn't be celebrating. He said that they put them through a lot. Howard said he can't even celebrate Black History Month.
Sal and Richard asked about Howard having a baby and naming it an African name. The one guy said he should name it Money. He wasn't happy about the African thing.
Sal asked another guy about the name and the guy said that it was made up racist stuff. He said this is some racist shit and fuck these dumb ass motherfuckers asking him these questions.
Howard played another question that the guys asked about Beyonce lip syncing. The guys were saying that she can do whatever she wants. They said that maybe she was sucking a cock the night before and that's why her voice was so fucked up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the name of the episode was. Howard said he didn't have time for that. He hung up on the guy. Fred said the name of the episode was ''Criminal Hatred.''
Howard said he watched Green Arrow the other night. Robin said she saw it too and she must be a fan of the show. She said she is watching it. Howard said it is a good show. Robin said the new Star Trek movie looks good. Howard said JJ isn't going to fuck that up. He said he can do that in his sleep.
Howard said he wants to wish his fellow African American's a happy black history month. Howard said he has to say he's sorry for what Jon Leiberman has done to rap.
Howard said he has so much to talk about. He said the woman in Turkey who disappeared was found. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would go there alone. Robin said that a bunch of her personal belongings were found in her hotel room. Howard said her husband flew right there to look for her. He said you know he loved her if he did that. Robin said she wouldn't go to Turkey. Howard said she went to do that Ayahuasca thing down in South America. Howard said they have Russell Brand and Dumber than a Box Of Rocks coming up today. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said he was playing keyboard while Gary was playing trumpet on that song. Howard let it play a little longer. Howard said James was laughing through the whole thing. Howard said that was his wife in the song too. Howard said they were always fighting. Robin said she yells out someone else's name during the song. Howard said James paid for her ass. He said he wanted it bigger so he paid to have it made bigger. Howard said James was staring at Gary during the song. Howard said he went into bankruptcy after that performance.
Howard said he liked when Beyonce said ''Please put your hands up in the air so I can feel your energy.'' Howard played that clip and got a laugh out of that.
Howard said they issued a statement about the blackout at the stadium. Howard said it basically says nothing. He read the statement about the breaker that was tripped and how the back up generator kicked in. Howard said they never say what the abnormality was. He said it doesn't explain much of anything.
Howard asked if Russell is still in the bathroom. Gary said he is. He said the radio is on in there so he can hear the show right now. Howard said he'll do the top 5 songs then. He said that Will I Am and Britney Spears are at number 5 with the song they did together. Howard said he seems to know what pop audiences want to hear. He said he's done very well with his songs.
Howard said Taylor Swift is at number 4. He said Russell should marry her. He said she could write a song about him. He said she spent he early years living on a Christmas tree farm.
Howard said that the Lumineers are at number 3. He said they've been on the chart for 34 weeks. Howard said Bruno Mars is at number 2. Howard said he likes this song. Howard said that he was pushed out of the top spot last week. Howard said number 1 is Macklemore & Ryan. Howard said Gary told him that they're white guys who rap.
Robin said her favorite commercial during the Super Bowl was that Calvin Klein commercial. Howard said that was pretty hot.
Howard asked Russell about why he was in the bathroom. He heard that he drinks a green drink. Russell said the drink is good for you but it's disgusting. Howard asked if the drink is the reason for being in shape. Russell said that you have to drink these things because this is what we're designed to eat. Howard asked how turned him on to this drink. Russell said it might be just because he lives in Los Angeles. Howard asked if that's his whole breakfast. Russell said that he had some other things too like fake bacon.
Howard asked Russell if he panicked when he walked in knowing he had to use the bathroom. Howard said his system closes down when he walks out of his home. Russell said that he can function with some degree of privacy.
Howard asked if he understands the Super Bowl. Russell said he doesn't get it but he does get the commercial thing. Howard said he has a talk show now and they're making it an hour instead of a half hour. Howard said he must have to be culturally aware just so he can comment on it on his show. Russell said that he's hoping that his naivety is kind of charming. He said he likes the live component of his new show and he hopes to be in Howard's position where he has figured out his mastery of something. He said he thinks that he's gotten the comedy thing but he's hoping this talk show is another.
Howard asked about interviewing the God Hates Fags people. Howard said they played a game of Hollywood Squares with them. Howard said that in his house nothing was real. He said that it was all shtick. Howard said when he sees these people he figures they can't hate gay people that much. Russell said he can't believe that they want to go to a funeral and protest. He said they must go home and talk about how they shouldn't have done that and talk about how they really like homosexuals.
Howard said that family is strange. He said that they have based their whole lives on the bible and something they think happened.
Howard asked Russell how he's doing. He said last time he was in he talked about how he can't talk about Katy Perry but she got mad at him anyway. Russell said that Howard did a lot of things like playing her record and yanking away the wounds of his healing heart. He said Howard is cruel. Howard said he heard that he walked into a restaurant and Katy was there and hid under a table when he showed up. Russell said that she would do that when they were married to be honest.
Howard asked what it's like to see his wife dating John Mayer who is a worse womanizer than Russell is. Russell said that he's not sure if that's worse or better. Howard said he might be better. Russell said ''How dare you!'' Howard said that Russell had some quote about how he's looking for another wife and hopefully it's someone else's. Howard asked if it bothers him that she's seeing someone like that. Russell said he has sincere feelings for her. He said he's making a documentary about the last 5 years of his life and that's part of it. Russell said that he's doing meditation now and he was even doing that in the bathroom. Howard said he shouldn't mediate all day. He said he should do 20 minutes at a time.
Russell said he's doing a form of yoga that makes you believe there is a god. He said that you do respiratory disciplines that make you believe.
Howard said he heard that he's close with Demi Moore. He corrected Howard on the pronunciation of her name. Howard said that he met her at a Yoga class. Russell said that it's great. He said the women in the class are gorgeous. Howard said that most guys won't go to Yoga because they think it's feminine. Russell said that he's going to spoil it. He said that is a big secret.
Howard said his mom wanted him to take ballet at the age of like 5. Howard said he didn't want to do that. He said that he didn't want to be in a class with girls. Russell said that Howard wasn't ready to know that at that age. Howard said when he goes into that yoga class and sees Demi there it must make him crazy. Russell said that after the class it is great. He said that he saw all of these women who were gorgeous.
Howard said Russell said to him last time he was on about how he was going to go on a mad tear. Russell said he did say that. Howard said he is back to that. He said he's back to being the best womanizer on the planet. Russell said that he wants children and he hasn't found the right woman yet. Robin asked why he thinks he would be a good parent. Russell said that was an attack out of nowhere. He said he thinks he'd be good at it. Robin said he thought he'd be good at marriage too. Russell said that it turns out Howard is the nice one on the show. Russell told Robin to stop it or he'll marry her and make babies with her.
Howard said in schools they give kids a little doll to test out what it's like to have a baby. Russell said they may have to do that on his TV show. He said that he'll have to film in a strip club and places like that with the fake baby.
Howard said he was shocked that he was dating Geri Halliwell from the Spice Girls. Russell said it was more like ''visiting.'' Howard said he figured he'd be going out with younger women. Russell said here are a lot of different things that they can do. Howard said now Geri is going around bad mouthing him. Howard said he read that she was humiliated when he dumped her for a younger woman. Howard said the pain of breaking up is tricky. He said it has to bother him. Russell said that they're good friends and he thinks he does well in leaving people in a friendly way. He said there are different types of relationships and with her it was like a sport cuddling thing. Russell said that all of us want to find union and joy. Russell said that he and Geri just hung out for a little while. Howard said women fall in love though. He said he may think that it was just hanging out but she might really be hurt. Russell said they don't know that for sure. He said it's just something written down.
Howard asked if Russell if he'd have Geri on his show, Brand X. Russell said he would. Howard said that his show is going to an hour and they run it live. Howard said that the show is on FX.
Howard said he read that Russell said that he finds making movies unfulfilling. He asked when he knew that the movie wasn't his best. Russell said when he watches it. He said that he is better at doing things that are a little more cheeky. Russell said he's really like Dudley Moore. He said that before they picked Dudley Moore to do that part in the first Arthur they were going to have John Belushi do it. He said they wanted Tom Selleck to do Indiana Jones too. Howard said he can see that. Robin asked Russell about the political correctness of this era is what handcuffed him in the movie.
Howard asked Russell about seeing Arthur and how he felt. Russell said that the director was great and the writer was great. He said that sometimes things just go wrong. Russell said that some people said it was great and he thought maybe it would do okay. Howard said that not every movie is going to be a huge success. Howard asked if he questions himself after something like that. Russell said that your self esteem is based on other people's opinions of you. He said he came to the United States to find love. He said that doing that through big movies isn't a rational thing to do.
Howard asked Russell if he hides for a while after that. Russell said he felt a little bit bruised. He said he was married at the time and he was kind of upset about the whole thing. He said that you can learn a lesson from that though. He said you can't judge yourself based on what people say about you. He said that's why he does the meditation thing and Yoga. Russell said that he starts to doubt himself on some days.
Howard asked Russell if his wife couldn't comfort him. Russell said it wasn't that bad. He said the reason it didn't work is because they lived with different types of people. He said Katy is a good hearted, fun person and he still relates to that. He said they were just going in different directions.
Howard said he had a story about Katy being in a hotel room with John Mayer and the sounds coming from the room from sex were so loud that people complained. Howard asked if it was like that when he was with her. Russell laughed. He told Howard that he can question the movie Arthur but he can't question his sexuality. He said he won a few Shagger of the Year awards.
Howard asked Russell about Demi Moore and if he has made love to her yet. Russell said that it's just a matter of time. He said that he just screwed up and that's going to end up in the paper. Howard said he read that he was seen getting cozy with Juliette Lewis after a Yoga class. Howard asked if he took her. Russell said he took her to Yoga. Howard said he wants to know who he's with. Howard said he read that Russell was reportedly dating Kate Peck who is a model. Russell said he doesn't even know who that is. Howard asked if he has ever seen this woman. Russell said he has seen her but there was no monkey business there. Howard said there should be. Russell said most of this stuff is made up. He said he's doing alright and he's just looking for love... in all the wrong places.
Howard asked when he last had intercourse. Russell said it was yesterday. He said that was over in England. He said he flew here after that. Howard said good for him. He asked who he's dating now. Russell said he's not dating anyone right now. He said he's just going through life and doing meditation and yoga.
Howard said Russell is doing his comedy and doing the talk show now. Howard said he read that he's going to do a remake of Drop Dead Fred. Russell said he would like to do that but it's kind of tied up in red tape at the movie studio.
Russell asked what he should do with his future. Howard said he should invest in a plastics company. Howard said he thinks that Russell is a very good stand up comedian and he should hit the road and devote himself to that for a year. He said he should do an hour long TV special. He said he's good at it. Howard said he should perfect it until every line is killer. He said he should be raw about every woman he's dated.
Howard asked why he's not liked by Liam Gallagher. Howard said Liam said ''Russell is a dick...'' Howard said the guy attacks everyone though. Howard said he seems to be angry with everyone. Russell said that he's friends with Noel and Liam doesn't seem to like that. Howard said he doesn't think that he's a dick.
Howard said he read that Russell and Demi Moore staged a walk out at their Yoga class. Russell said they didn't really do a walk out. He said that the teacher quit working there and he had her come to his house to do her class. Howard said this is wild to him. He said that he has to be security conscious and he had the people in his class come over to his house. Russell said that it was only Demi and a few people who weren't celebrities.
Howard asked about why he walked into a restaurant with no shoes on. Russell said he doesn't remember doing that. He asked if Katy told him that from under the table. Russell said he walks around with no shoes on at times. He said that he can't be strapped in all the time. Howard said if he's going out to dinner he has to wear shoes. Russell said this is a civil rights movement.
Howard asked Russell if he likes his father. Howard said he heard that his dad filed for bankruptcy and didn't ask his son for a dime. Howard said he thinks there's something beautiful about that. Russell said that he would never let anyone in his family go without money. Howard said he heard his father didn't want him to know because he knew he would step in. Russell said it sounds like a nice thing if it was true. He said he actually did know about his bankruptcy. He said he's a sweet man and he had to step in. He said Howard would do the same thing.
Howard asked Russell if he cares about material things. Russell said that he just cares about making people happy. Robin asked what kind of car he drives. He said he has a nice car, it's a Land Rover.
Howard asked how many shows he has to put out. Russell said that it's 13. Howard said he likes the way he said that. It came out as ''Thir'een.''
Howard said that Russell is upset about the law about wearing condoms in porn. Howard said he's with him on this. He said that he hates seeing condoms in porn. He said he thinks it's good to wear them but he hates seeing them in porn. Howard asked if he wears them with women. Russell said it is best to but sometimes you want to do it without. He said that sometimes you can't stop to fiddle around with that foil pack. Howard asked if he likes to cum inside a woman. Howard said he uses a condom with his wife. Howard said there can be a leakage without a condom so even finishing outside can get a girl knocked up. Robin said there is pre-cum. Russell liked that Robin came out with that.
Howard asked if Russell is afraid of having a kid with someone. Russell said that he's afraid that his pre-cum is going to work its way over to some woman he didn't even have sex with. Howard said sometimes he must be banging a chick and he's got to be worried about diseases and all of that. Russell said that he has none himself. He said he's been tested. Russell said that it's like God is shining a light down on him and protecting his penis. He said he hasn't knocked up anyone since he was young. He said he did knock someone up when he was younger but she got an abortion. He said that things were chaos back then.
Howard said he thinks people look at him and think he doesn't wear a condom. Russell asked how he can wear one with his wife. Howard said he doesn't understand these guys who are flirting with disaster. He said that he could knock someone up that he's not in love with. Russell said he's going to smother himself in contraception from now on. Howard said that vaginas can be your friend but they can be your enemy too. Russell said he likes that quote.
Howard said you can see Russell Brand on Brand X. He said it's in the second season and it's on Thursdays at 11:30pm on FX. Russell said they're going to bring in bailed out criminals live on air. Howard said he read that he had to do some community service for something he did. Russell threw a phone through a window of a business. He had to do 500 hours of service. Russell said that dragged on a long time. He said he had to groom some dogs and groom some people too. Howard said it must be there to embarrass him. Russell said they dressed him up like the big black guy from Green Mile. He said that he had to clean floors and paint fences. He said he didn't learn not to throw phones through windows. He said that sometimes you have to do that.
Howard asked Russell about spending $2400 a month on homeless people. Russell said he loves spending time with them. He said they have some interesting things to talk about. Russell said he has a little bit of money so he'll take them to tea and things like that. He said he took one guy to tea who only spoke in prophecy.
Howard said Russell has said a lot. Howard said he's been there an hour now. Russell said he thinks that he made it through without saying anything too crazy. Robin said it's probably safer to talk to the homeless.
Howard said that he would like Russell to talk about Katy's vagina. He said it'll get in the paper and everyone will tune into Brand X. Russell said he won't compromise his ex-wife's vagina for ratings. Howard told him to knock up a Kardashian next. He said that's what he should be doing for his next career move. Russell said that he'll knock up the dad.
Howard told Russell to say that Katy Perry's vagina is like a magic, velvet glove. Russell said that would make it sound like it's misshaped. Howard said he has said much too much today. Russell said that he has trouble getting into the country and this customs guy is a fan of Howard's. He said that the guy was getting confrontational with him and he tried being nice to him. He said that he has realized that you can't win when you're in an argument with someone with power. He said he's good with eye contact and he was looking at one of the guys like a female dancer. He said this guy took him with his arm around him to another room. He said this guy, Rosario Russ Labello (or something like that), who took him and got him through customs. He said the guy showed him that not all of these guys are bad guys. He said he told the guy that he was going on Howard's show and the guy said he was a fan.
Howard asked if he's ever been sent home before. Russell said he has. He said they handcuffed him and sent him back home. He said that he was supposed to be doing Letterman. Howard asked if that was embarrassing. Russell said it was. He said they had him in handcuffs in front of the whole airplane. Russell said he has a long rap sheet so he has trouble getting into the country sometimes.
Howard said it's always delightful to see Russell Brand. He said that they'll all tune in to see his show Brand X. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that it's time for everybody's favorite game show ''Dumber Than a Box Of Rocks.'' Fred played the theme song and Howard said that the girls are hot and he doesn't care if they're dumb.
Howard said this is the tournament of champions for Dumber than a Box of Rocks. Howard said they're playing for $5,000 from Steven Singer Jewelers. One of the girls, Rikki, was wearing her earrings from the last time they played.
Howard explained the rules to the girls and then introduced Britney Stevens. He played a clip from one of her porn movies called ''Face Fucking 3.'' Howard asked if she was putting that noise on. She said it was real. Howard said this man is insulting her during the scene. He asked if that's right to do. Britney said that she was doing the same to him. Howard said Britney had trouble spelling ''retarded'' last time. She tried spelling it this time and Howard said she did it wrong. She actually spelled it correctly. Howard said he thought she threw in an extra T. Howard said she did learn from her first experience. Howard said he heard that Britney is out of porn. She said she's still doing it but not as often as she was.
Britney said she's doing make up for the industry and she's doing the webcam thing now. Britney said she got tired of the whole thing. Howard said she read she gets $14.90 a minute. He said that's pretty good.
Howard said he read that she did a threesome with her sister in one movie. She said she did that. Robin asked if they touched each other. Britney said they touched and kissed. She said she didn't do anything else.
Howard asked Rikki if that's going too far. She said that her sister wants to do it too so she's willing to do it. She said her sister wants to go down on her. She said they have fucked the same guys. Howard asked if they've done that with each other in the room. She said they haven't.
Howard said that the next girl is Rikki Six. Howard said Rikki had trouble with the word feces last time she was on. Howard asked if she has learned. She spelled it ''FECIES.'' Howard said that's close. He said she spelled it closer this time. Howard said they asked her what the abbreviation for oxygen was and she said OZ.
Howard said that Rikki just flew in from Las Vegas where she was doing a super bowl party. Howard asked if people try to have sex with her at the party. She said that they do that all the time. Howard asked if guys get physical and say they're going to do it anyway. She said she has security that takes care of that.
Howard said Rikki studied for this last time she was on. Howard said that didn't help last time. Rikki said she didn't study this time. It didn't help last time. Howard said she has enough to do.
Howard asked Rikki how she decides who she's going to have sex with. Rikki said they can't be a douche. She said guys with a big ego are out too. She said that she got married since the last time she was there. Howard asked if that's going to work with her being in porn. She said he's very supportive actually. Howard asked if maybe he doesn't care that much about her if he doesn't mind. She said that this is the way it is and she's not going to change. She said he's a freestyle motocrosser. Howard said she must bring home other women. She said she does and she fucks a lot. She said they fuck 3 times a day. Howard asked how long they've been married. She said since the 16th of January. Howard said it's no wonder they're still fucking. Howard said they're still on their honeymoon.
Howard said that Laela Pryce is in the game but she's never played Dumber Than a Box of Rocks before. She said her agent called and asked if she wanted to do it and she said yes. She said she's only been in porn for about 5 or 6 weeks. She's only done 8 scenes so far. She said she had to stop doing her webcam thing. She said she's doing two more scenes this month but she might get booked for more stuff.
Robin asked how the girls feel about the condom laws in California. Laela said that she hasn't heard anything about it. Rikki said they're in California but now where the law is. Britney said she doesn't care either way. Rikki said she hates condoms. She said they get stuck inside her pussy. Howard said his mom always said that to him too.
Howard asked Laela about how she got into porn. Laela told him how she got into it after someone suggested it to her. Howard said it's time to get to the game now.
Howard asked ''What state is home to the Grand Canyon?'' Britney said Arizona and got it right.
Howard asked Rikki ''Who is credited with discovering electricity?'' Rikki said ''What?'' Howard asked her to think about who might have found it. She said Abraham Lincoln. She was wrong. She had to say she was dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Laela the same question. She said she knows that and said Benjamin Franklin. She got that one right. Rikki said she knew that it was a President.
Howard said the game is long so Rikki isn't out yet. Howard asked Britney about who said the famous quote ''Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.'' She said Martin Luther King. She got that one wrong. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Rikki said she was going to say the same thing. Howard asked Rikki the same question and she said she knows this one. She said she thinks it's a president. She said that it's not Ben Franklin. She guessed George Washington. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Laela the same thing. Laela said two people come to mind. She said she wants to say John F. Kennedy or Obama. Howard asked who she's going to choose. She said JFK. Howard asked if she's sure. Laela said she thinks she's going to stick with that. Howard said she's right. Howard said she must be in Mensa. Britney and Rikki had no idea what Mensa was.
Howard asked Britney ''Who is the Vice President of the United States?'' She said Mitt Romney. Howard said she was wrong and had to say she was dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Rikki the same question. Rikki said Joe Biden. She got it right. She was back up to -1 which was a tie with Britney.
Howard asked Laela ''Who invented the telephone?'' Laela said she didn't know. Howard told her to just name anyone. She had no idea. Howard asked Britney if she knew. Britney said she has no idea either. She took a guess with Albert Einstein. Howard said she's wrong. She said she's dumber than a box of rocks. Robin said Laela never said that so Howard had her do that first. Then he asked Rikki if she knew the answer. Rikki said she didn't know either. She guessed Abraham Lincoln. She was back down to -1. She said she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard told the that it's Alexander Graham Bell.
Howard asked Laela what Venison is. She said ''Italy.'' Howard asked Britney if she knew. She said ''California.'' Howard said that's wrong too. Rikki said she's got this one. She said Greece. She was wrong too. They thought he was asking ''What is Venice in?''
Howard said Laela is in the lead with 0. The other two had -3. Howard asked if they knew what Venison is now. They said it was meat. Howard said he's glad to see they're paying attention.
Howard asked Britney ''How many angles does a triangle have?'' Britney said three. She got one right. She had -2.
Howard asked Rikki ''The U.N. stands for what?'' Howard asked if she's ever even heard of that. Rikki had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said it's a governmental organization. She said that it's United Nations. Howard said she's right. She was up to -2. Laela was still in the lead with 0.
Howard said it's time for some spelling. Howard asked Laela to spell atheist. Laela said that she knows what the word means. She spelled it ''ATHESIT.'' Howard said that's wrong. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Britney spelled it ''ATHEIUS.'' Howard said that's wrong too. Rikki tried and spelled it ''ATHIEST.'' Howard said that's wrong too.
Howard asked Laela what the F in JFK stands for. She said Frederick. She had to say that she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Britney what it stands for. Britney didn't know either. She said ''Freida'' or Fred. Rikki said it was Franklin. She was wrong too. They all had to say they were dumber than a box of rocks.
Howard asked Laela how Bill Gates made his fortune. She said he invented the internet but she's not sure how he made his fortune. She blurted out Microsoft and got it right. She was up to -1. Rikki had -4.
Howard asked Britney what HBO stands for. She said she knows what it is but not what it stands for. She said she has no idea. Howard told her to give it a guess. She said ''Home...'' but that's as far as she got. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Rikki what it stands for. She said ''How Boys get Off.'' Laela said that it stands for Home Box Office and got it right.
Howard asked Rikki an easy one. Howard asked what the shortest month of the year is. She got it with February. Howard asked what a baby cow is called. She said it's a calf. She got that one right too.
Howard asked Laela what the E in email stands for. She got it with Electronic. Howard said that it's time to count the score and see who won. Laela won with a score of 1. He said Rikki and Britney had -4 each. Howard said they both won $500 each. Howard said Laela won $5,000. Howard said that Steven Singer was there to present Laela with the check. Steven came in and gave the check to her. She said she's not sure what to do with the money because that's a lot of fuckin money.
Howard gave Steven some plugs for the special roses they sell and Steven thanked Howard for promoting that because they've sold out of two of the colors already. Howard had all of the girls say they love Steven Singer. Howard said they do everything he says. Howard had them say that he's the hottest guy on the planet. Howard asked Steven if he had anything to say. Steven thanked him for having him on and for being such a great spokesperson for them over the years.
Howard gave the girls their Twitter plugs again and asked if they had any plugs. Britney said that she did some movies for Evil Angel and had fun doing that. Howard asked what the biggest penis was that she took in her ass. She said it was like 9 inches.
Howard said Rikki tweets out naked pictures of herself naked every day. She said she does that every morning. Howard asked if she has done anal on film. She said she hasn't yet. She said she's saving that. Howard asked if she had anything to say to the audience. She got in a plug for her web site RikkiSix.com.
Howard said Laela won and asked if she had anything to talk about. She said she's doing some scenes this month. She said that she's not sure what else is going on. Howard said she should buy an island with that 5 grand she just won. Howard said he has to buy one so he can get away from everyone. Howard thanked Steven Singer for coming in and giving $500 to each of the girls who didn't win. Howard said Steven is great to the fans. Howard said that he has to thank everyone for coming in and went to break after that.
Howard said that he saw that Yoko Ono is going to celebrate her 80th birthday with a concert in Germany. Howard said that'll teach the Germans. Robin sounded shocked that Yoko was 80.
Howard said he knew if he prayed long enough that a miracle would happen. He said Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are dating again. He said he was worried about those two.
Howard said he and Robin are runners. He said he's surprised when he sees a 101 year old man running in a marathon. Howard said he read the guy is going to stop running because his balls got caught in his shoe.
Howard said David Brenner is 77 today. Howard said David still says that he's 40.
Howard read about Larry King and this woman who went out with him. She says she wanted to make sure he was repulsive.
Howard said the best headline in the news was about Khloe Kardashian saying that Chris Humphries is delusional and fame hungry. Howard said that he'd describe that whole Kardashian family as fame hungry. Howard said that's like Hitler calling Mel Gibson a Jew Hater.
Howard said Burger King admitted that there was some horse meat in their hamburger in Ireland. Robin said she's glad that there is some real meat in those burgers. Benjy said they did some DNA testing in England and Ireland and they found it was coming from one supplier. They say they won't do it again.
Howard said Ron Jeremy is in the hospital. Howard said he's like 56 or something. He had an aneurysm by his heart or something.
Howard said Donald Trump used to call the show but he doesn't anymore. Howard said he announced he's going to sue Bill Maher over something he said on his show. He's going to sue him for $5 million that will go to charity.
Howard said Bubba got out of his lawsuit. Howard said he was going to come in this week but they have such a full schedule that they couldn't do it. Howard said Bubba called this weekend but they didn't have a free space anywhere. Howard said that Bubba will come in at some point.
Robin corrected the horse meat story about Burger King. Robin said that she sees that they were buying meat from a supplier that was known for using horse meat. They're still doing the testing.
Howard said he read that the McRib came about because of a shortage of chicken. Howard said they call it a restructured meat product. Howard said it has tripe and scalded heart in it. Howard said they reshape it into whatever shape they need it in. Howard said he's not sure why they risk their franchise by doing this stuff.
Howard said he read that Chris Brown was pulled over on Friday for speeding and he didn't punch anyone. He said he wants to congratulate him on that.
Howard played some audio of Bill Maher talking about what he did to Trump to bring this lawsuit about. The clip was from the Tonight Show. Bill was joking about how Trump could have come from an orangutan. He said he's willing to offer 5 million to Trump if he can prove he didn't come from an orangutan.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beyonce had a nip-slip at the Super Bowl half time show. Howard said he didn't see anything about that.
Howard read an email about how Tim is such a bad speller that his real name is Tom Summers but it comes out Tim Sabean.
Howard said people liked when Eric the Actor called in and they played the grim reaper song for him. Howard said they were joking about how all of the shows he's been on have been canceled. Fred played the big that he was talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has watched House of Cards yet. Robin said it's a Netflix show. Howard said he thought it was a cool idea to release the whole series at once. The caller said it's great and he watched about 7 episodes this weekend. Howard said the NY Times wrote an article about it this weekend. Howard said this is the new trend in TV viewing to watch the whole series at once. Howard said he's watching Friday Night Lights right now and that's what he does. He said people are watching them as a complete series.
Howard said he likes watching the series all in a row. Robin said she watched all four seasons of Merlin over the course of a few weeks and now she's caught up for the new season.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if Howard bumped Letterman during the Super Bowl commercial. Howard said no. Mariann also said that Howard is going to be doing auditions in New York on April 8, 9 and 10. Howard said he's going to be in New Orleans in March for the auditions. Howard said he still has no idea who is taking Sharon's place.
Mariann asked if Howard knows who his next Queen will be. Howard asked if she wants to be the queen again. Mariann started to scream so Howard hung up on her.
Robin started off with a story about today being declared a national day of courage for Rosa Parks. Robin talked about why she's getting this recognition. She went over the story about how she refused to sit on the back of the bus when she was asked to.
Robin read about Ryan Phillippe going to a club and coming out with two hot chicks on his arms. Howard said that guy is busy with the women out there. JD came in and said that he tried to introduce him to a girl back when he hung out with him. That didn't work out. Howard asked if Ryan has a rap or is he just so good looking that he gets the girls. JD said he has a personality. Howard said he was at a party with Ryan and he wasn't saying a word. He said he just sat there and the women flocked to him. Howard asked JD if he was a woman, would he do Ryan. JD said ''Sure, why not.'' Howard asked if he'll put a condom on him or let him go in freestyle. JD said he'd have to see what happens. Howard asked if he'd be on all fours. JD said he doesn't think he wants to be a part of this conversation. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said Paul Giamatti is going to be in the new Spider-Man movie as the Rhino. Howard said he's in negotiations now for the part. Robin asked Howard if he saw the commercial where Willem Dafoe in the commercial during the Super Bowl. Howard said he didn't. He said he just saw the weird commercials with Stevie Wonder in them. He read a love commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about this quarterback, Kaepernick, who has denied his birth mother access. Robin said that the family would send her updates about her kid but she didn't want anything to do with that. She said it was too much for her. Now she wants contact. She has an 8 year old son now. Robin said that kid may never meet his big brother.
Robin said that Twitter said 22 million people tweeted about the Super Bowl this weekend. Robin said that Joe Flacco was made the MVP for the game. Robin had some audio of Jim Harbaugh talking about the game. Robin also talked about Ray Lewis' retirement. That led to them talking about him copping a plea in a murder case so no one quite knows what was involved. Robin said they may have made some things go away because he was such a good football player. Robin had some audio of him talking about his retirement. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the Harbaugh brothers coaching the two teams in the Super Bowl. Robin had some audio of John talking about his brother and congratulating him on the win. Robin brought up Jennifer Hudson's performance at the game and also talked about how she lost some family members in a shooting. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the President being in Minnesota today to talk about gun control. Robin said that gun shows are very popular this year. They're doubling prices on some of the guns at the shows.
Howard took call from a guy who asked what he would do if he was forced to do something. He gave him a couple of choices. He said he would have to titty fuck his mom or blow his dad or Ronnie. Howard said he wouldn't want to go down on his mom but that's what he would have to do. Howard did his impression of his mom talking about how dreadful that would be.
Robin said she finds the name Jacoby Jones kind of odd. She said it's just Jacob with a Y on the end. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how good he was in the big game yesterday.
Robin said she found the one Doritos commercial where the guys had to dress up in girl's clothing to get their Doritos. Howard said that was a pretty good one. Robin had a compilation of some of the commercials but Howard got sick of it after a few seconds and cut it off.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the Super Bowl and how dangerous it can be. Howard said he was surprised that Gary let his son play. Gary said his son played a lineman and that's a little different. He said he never had any injuries. His youngest son did though. He said he's not sure if he's going to play next season. Howard asked Gary how he can let him do that. Gary said he enjoys it. Howard said it's so dangerous though.
Robin read about how President Obama was talking to Scott Pelly on CBS News and they were talking about gay scouts and gay scout leaders in the Boy Scouts. Robin had some audio from that conversation. Howard said he thinks only gays should be allowed in that group. He said that's a goofy organization.
Robin read about the guy who wrote American Sniper, Chris Kyle, being killed over the weekend. Robin said he was killed by a gun at a shooting range. Robin said Chris Kyle was trying to help some guys who were having trouble after going to war and he brought one to a shooting range and the guy ended up killing Kyle and his friend. Robin said he was shot at point blank range. Robin said the guy who did the shooting was arrested at his home after a short police chase.
Robin read about a guy who took a child as a hostage in a kidnapping. They're at a standoff that's in its 7th day. Robin said they can't get the guy to come out of the bunker he has on his property. Robin said the guy is an anti-government guy. Robin said he apparently likes his guns and his marijuana.
Robin said the saddest news is about Ed Koch. She said that his funeral is coming up. Robin said what was interesting to her was that Koch never liked the Cuomos. Howard said he was upset about a campaign slogan that said ''Vote for Cuomo not the Homo'' and Ed never forgave him for that. Howard said it wasn't Cuomo who came up with that but Ed didn't forgive him. Howard said he did later on in his life but not back then. Robin said she was reading that he never really did. She had some audio of Koch talking about a few things. Robin said he was so funny and off the cuff. Howard said he really was a great mayor. Robin had audio of a few other people commenting on Ed Koch.
Robin read about a new breast cancer removal technique. Robin said the doctor's name is Titinser. Robin said that she discovered a new way to treat cancer. She had some audio of her talking about that. Howard didn't believe the last name but Robin insisted that was it.
Robin read about the woman who disappeared in Turkey being found dead over the weekend.
Robin read about how the Canadian government is going to stop making the Canadian penny. Robin said they are doing away with it up there. Howard said it costs us 2 cents to make a penny. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they saw Fred on Law & Order. Jon said Howard did talk about that earlier in the morning. The caller said he heard that they offered it to Howard first and he turned it down. Jon said he didn't hear anything about that. Steve Brandano said that Fred fits in that part and it wouldn't have worked with Howard.
Jon said he loves when you see people from their staff showing up in shows like that. He said Eric the Actor in the shows he's been in and some of the other guys like Richard and Sal showing up in some stuff. Ronnie Mund will be in Cougar Town soon.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the Super Bowl. He said he missed the half time show and it sounded awful on the radio. He said people were saying she was great. Steve said no matter what you put in there it's just music breaking up a football game. He said he thought she was great at dancing around and putting on a show. Jon said it's about the music though. He said you don't want to see a dance act. He said it was more about the showiness than it was about the music. Steve said they should do a Cirque du Soleil kind of show.
Jon said when he's watching the Super Bowl he wants to watch the game. He said he's not sure when that whole thing changed. He said the reason you watch football is to watch the game.
Gary said he was at a friend's house and he and the other guy were the only two guys there. He said his son didn't show up until halftime. Gary said guys don't want to see that halftime show. Jon said apparently some do.
Gary said they've done the big names and he's not sure who is left. Jon said he would say Rush but they're in Canada. Gary asked who the halftime show is talking to. Jon said it's clearly not that audience.
Gary said it was odd that there were a lot of helmets flying off during the game. Jon said there was some hard hitting going on. He said he was watching the game because he wanted to see the game. He said he just wants to see a good game.
Gary said when they were kids they would have a marching band perform at half time. He said now the show is so much better.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wants to comment on the Beyonce thing. He said that he likes looking at her. He said she can dance and sing too. He said they're trying to reach a younger audience with that halftime show. He said that's what he heard someone saying about why they do that.
Gary said maybe that is why they do it because they have a different audience watching. Gary said that he would rather see 4 different songs by 4 different people.
Jon said that Howard watched the whole game after recording some of it. He doesn't watch the regular season. Jon said he didn't see a lot of great commercials this year. Gary said he almost cried when he saw that Clydesdale commercial. He said that the Jeep commercial kind of tugs at your heartstrings too. He said that he thought it was kind of manipulative though. He said he loves the people who serve this country but you don't need to have Oprah to get that to him. They went to break after that.
Gary said he loves Russell on the show. He said he thinks he's funny and quick witted. He said he's really sharp too. Jon asked how much of it is the accent. Gary said that's part of it. He said he liked what he said about the velour vagina when Howard brought it up.
Jon said there were some interesting things during the interview. He said that Robin brought up the movie Arthur and even Russell said that it didn't work. Jon said he thought it was a good interview today.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who said that Jim Nantz sounds just like Jon Hein. Sour was doing his impression of Gary while he was talking to them. Sour had Gary saying the number 9 just so he could hear him say ''noine.'' Jon had Sour try to do his impression of him. Sour tried but he still sounded like Gary.
Jon asked about Russell talking about going to Yoga and meeting chicks. Gary said that it is a great way to meet women. He said so is Spin class.
Jon asked about what Russell was saying about the God Hats Fags people and what Russell was saying about them. Jon wasn't sure how he met them but Teddy knew that they were on his show. Gary said they used to have them on the show and he would look at the kids and how he thought about how he could steal the kids away and bring them back to normal. He said he wanted to do that and save them.
Jon brought up Grandpa Al and the clip Howard played of Grandpa saying ''Fuck the FCC!'' Gary said that was one of his favorite moments on the show. He said that they did a thing on the WWOR show where they did it in slow motion and showed that Al grabbed Robin's microphone when Howard grabbed the first microphone out of Al's hand.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they didn't terminate Benjy. Gary asked what the grounds for termination would be. The caller said he was disrespectful to Tommy Mottola and Gary is the boss there. He said that he should have listened to what Gary said. He said Gary told him not to play that tape. Gary said one thing is that he didn't do anything to Tommy. He said that he told Benjy and Elisa not to do that bit and he got a lot of email from people who know what it's like to deal with Benjy at times. He said he wasn't angry at Benjy but he was making him angry by being so frustrating to deal with.
Jon asked when real Benjy went away. Gary said when he got on the air more. He said that he can talk to Benjy but he can't get real answers out of him. He said he pulls this move where he's acting like he has amnesia.
Jon asked if it's the kind of move where he goes around him like Richard has. Gary said he thinks that he respects him but he would go over everyone's head but Howard's. He said he may play dumb just to get his way. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Will what kind of questions they asked her on the initial test. Will said her answers were like ''GM stands for General Missions.'' and the cold war between Japan and Russia and 9x9=49.
Jon asked if they should know who invented the telephone. Gary said he thinks they should. He said that's something that you're taught in third or fourth grade. Gary said that knowing where the Grand Canyon is harder than the telephone thing.
Gary said he heard the girls being interviewed in the hall and they were saying that Howard asked ''What country is Venice in?'' Howard actually asked ''What is venison?'' Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard asking the question and the girls giving their answers.
Gary said that reminded him of the kid who cheats off the dumbest kid in class. Jon asked Will how he puts that game together. Will said he thinks about questions and wondered who would not know that answer.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up something they said about there being two Statues of Liberty earlier. He said there technically are two out there. There's one in France.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the funniest thing about the game was when Howard was recapping the score and he said the one girl was in the lead with zero. He said he wanted to talk about the halftime show and how it became a big show compared to the marching band stuff. He said it started with In Living Color doing a show during halftime and the network had to compete with things like that.
Jon asked Will where he weighs in on that. Will said he wasn't that into it this year. He said Jon lost him money on that game. Gary said he would have rather have seen a few other artists doing songs instead of Beyonce doing five songs.
Jon asked who else was into the Destiny's Child reunion. Will said nobody. Will said he's tired of her and Jay-Z in general. Gary said there are people you like up to a certain point and then people turn on them.
Jon moved on to Howard talking about the Knick game and how he had a ball handed to him by Amare Stoudemire. Gary said he had a friend at the game who said that Howard got up and left in the middle of the game.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Peter Luger thing from last week. He said that Howard said they're not evolved because they eat meat. He said it frustrated him for him to say that. He asked when they say enough is enough. Gary said he's not sure what he's supposed to do. He said he's not that passionate about it. Jon said they had a great time out at Peter Luger's. He said the reason you listen to Howard is to hear his opinions.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that everyone wanted to see Destiny's Child come back. Gary asked if he was serious. The guy said he's dead serious. Gary said he doesn't see a need for the other two when Beyonce has such a great voice on her own. The caller said they want to see them come back together and make more music. The caller said he didn't even stick around to watch that part of the show though. He said he left to go get something to eat. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they had coming up today. Howard said Jewel will be singing Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes which is a song he wrote as a child. Robin asked if he's heard her rendition yet. Howard said he has not.
Howard said Jenny McCarthy is going to be coming in today too. She has big news to announce. He said she's learned to do something. He said she'll be accompanied by a group of 200 black children too. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said it's not.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked about his tweeting at 2 in the morning. Howard said he was up early and he watched some porn and really went at it. Howard said his load is so large and forceful. He said he rips through the first two tissues so he has to use 3. Howard said he has big, masculine loads. He said he has big loads because he has so much testosterone.
Howard said he was watching a video on YouPorn that he would recommend. He said that this girl is practicing piano naked and the teacher is teaching her with a whip. Howard said the teacher starts spanking with the whip and the piano player gets more hysterical. Then the teacher tells her to bend over the piano stool and she puts her finger in her vagina. Then she hits her again. By the end of the movie the piano player is doing very well. Janks said he was watching them right now.
Howard said good looking women will do porn together but when guys are involved the quality of the girls goes down. Howard said he was done after a short time watching this. He said he loves bondage and humiliation in his porn.
Howard said he got in bed and tried watching The Bachelor. He said he might be burning out on that show. He said he couldn't stand another date in Montana. He said he fell asleep like a baby but then he got up at 2 in the morning. He said he was wide awake so he went down and ate a banana. Then he went to his office to check his email. Then he got on Twitter. Howard said he was reading Bob Lefsetz and he was writing about how you should make friends with your Twitter followers and ignore the haters.
Howard said he went on and started talking to the Twitter followers and he ignored the haters. Howard said he was miserable doing that. Howard said he tried going back to sleep and doing Transcendental Meditation. He said he finally fell asleep and then his alarm went off so he had to get up anyway.
Howard said Lefsetz was saying that if you talk to your fans and follow them then they'll get even more followers.
Janks said that he can be followed @captainjanks. He said he has about 8,000 followers. Howard said that's impressive.
Robin said she worries about this Bob Lefsetz guy because Howard will do anything he says. Howard said the guy is a good writer.
Robin said they haven't even talked about how they had a Scientology commercial during the Super Bowl. JD came in and said that he thinks it only aired on the West Coast. Robin said she saw it though. JD said he thought it was only on the West coast. He said there was a Will Ferrall ad that only aired in certain markets. Howard said he has such a long day today. He said they have a meeting today and it's a state of the state speech for the troops there.
Howard said he has audio of Ray Lewis talking about God during an interview before the game. Howard said he's essentially saying that he couldn't have done wrong in his life because God doesn't use bad people. Howard said he's never heard anything so dumb in his life. Howard said we celebrate dummies in this country. Howard said this guy is in a game that gives you a concussion that makes you die early. Robin said she's not sure why he's so excited about this. Howard said he's shot out of a cannon today. He had Fred play a clip of a cannon going off. Then he said a quick ''Wee!''
Howard played the clip of Ray Lewis talking about the shooting that he was supposedly involved with. Ray says that God never makes a mistake. He says that he doesn't use people who commits anything like that. Howard said his grammar is insane. Howard asked where he grew up with grammar that bad. Robin said he believes that anyone who does anything bad won't have anything good happen to them.
Howard said he had audio of Melanie Griffith at the Obama inauguration thing. Howard said he also has Joe Flacco cursing. Howard said the Parents Television Counsel is after them after Flacco said ''Fuckin Awesome'' after the game. He played a quick clip of that and then played the Melanie Griffith clip. In that clip Melanie was asked if she was having a good time. She said ''Yes... I'm having a fucking... oops!'' The guy interviewing her said that no one heard that anyway. They talked to her for a minute and then broke away from them.
Howard said the PTC must not have heard about that one. Howard said he was singing ''Pussy Good, Pussy Sweet, Pussy good enough to eat'' this morning when he got up. Howard said it's stuck in his head. Fred was going to play it but he wasn't able to find it. Gary said JD is pulling it together now. He had it ready a few seconds later. Howard played. Howard said the song is ''Pussy Good'' and it's by Lady. Howard said he was walking around his apartment singing that song.
Howard said Christoph Waltz was great in this movie. Howard said this guy is the best. He said Leonardo DiCaprio was great and so was Jamie Foxx. Howard said that this movie was brilliant and Quentin is brilliant. Howard said this movie was great and so was his last one.
Robin said that the only problem is that a black man never would have been able to go around the country shooting white people. Howard said that Dorothy never would have gone to the land of Oz either. Robin told him to stop it. Robin said that it makes slavery seem like it wasn't so bad. Howard said it's a make believe story. He said she's wrong with that opinion. Robin said there was more of a better story to tell there.
Howard said the movie was great. He said that people should see it. He said it's a wonderful movie. He said he has to congratulate Quentin on this one. Robin said it could have been better. Howard told Robin to write one then. Robin said she can't but she could have helped him with that one.
Howard said he's also reminded of something. He said that Tim Sabean walked into Quentin Tarantino there the last time he was there. Howard said Tim asked Quentin who writes his scripts. Howard said Quentin told him that he writes his own scripts. Howard played the audio of that. Tim told him that it was crazy shit. Howard said that's like him going on a show and someone asking him if he does radio.
Howard Quentin is a genius. Robin said she's not sure about this movie. She said he's usually a genius. Robin said she didn't like the Kill Bill series either. Howard said she liked Last Action Hero. Howard told her to stop it with that.
Howard said Tim just asked Billy Joel who plays piano on his songs.
Howard said that they sent Fred the Elephant Boy out to the AVN Awards to interview some porn stars. Howard played one where Fred asked about Jesus being in porn and the girl thought he was saying ''Cheese in porn.'' Fred asked another woman a question and she asked if he was retarded. Fred said he's got a speech impediment.
Fred asked another woman what went wrong in her life for her to get into porn. She said she didn't understand and didn't want to continue the interview. Howard said he was all over the place at the awards.
Howard played a clip of Fred asking a woman to describe the taste of cum. She thought he said gum. She asked him to describe it. Howard said she's asking the right person because Fred revealed he was bi-sexual years ago. Fred told her that it reminds him of snot.
Howard said Dick Dribbles was there so Fred interviewed him. Fred asked him what he thinks of Howard Stern on AGT. Dick didn't know what he said. Fred had to repeat himself. Dick said Howard is a big fan of the show now.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made with his voice. They called a show and had Howard saying that he's dated black women darker than this woman on the show. She recognized Howard's voice. They cut him off after they played too many cursing clips.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jewel fixed her tooth. Howard said she did that for a part on a TV show. Robin said that her brother has a reality show too. Howard said they do and they live up in Alaska as survivalists. Howard said they have to ask her about that when she comes in.
Howard asked Fred when his audio drop show is coming out. Fred said the tapes team says it should be out toward the end of the month. Howard said he has to hear this show. He had a clip of OJ that he played for Robin. Robin knew that one. Howard said what's fun about the special is that they go back and learn where they came from. Howard said OJ was on the board of directors and he stopped by the show one day. He said he talked to him about his wife and his divorce and things like that. Howard played the interview clip and it sounded funny to hear the drops in the actual clip.
Howard played a Little Lupe drop that they have played. Howard played the original interview clip where Lupe said this ''My pussy is like a ma-chine.'' Howard said the drop show will happen in February. He said he loves playing these clips. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard quickly said the Super Bowl had a 77 share in the ratings.
Howard had Eric the Actor on the phone and asked if he's worked out a deal to be on the Bold and the Beautiful yet. Eric said Johnny is still working on that for him. Howard said he thinks that the theory about everything Eric appearing on being canceled is right. He said the site where he used to appear, Stickam, is closing. Eric said he has nothing to do with that. Howard said he might have a black cloud over him. Howard said Mary McCormack's show is gone, Fringe is gone... Eric said he had nothing to do with them. Howard said American Dreams is gone too.
Howard played the commercial parody where they played clips of Eric's appearances and they call him the Grim Reaper of TV.
Howard said Eric hates that. Eric said he does. Howard said it's funny though. Howard said Eric should come down to the Homo Room with him. Howard said he has to loosen up a bit with his sexuality. Howard asked if he was still there. Eric was gone. Howard said he thinks he's there. He said the Homo Room must have chased him away. Howard said that he's really homophobic. Howard said that he should call it the Homosexual Room.
Howard said maybe he hit a button or something on Eric. Howard said that's weird. He should be there on the phone but maybe he passed out. Howard said in Hollywood you have to loosen up a bit. Howard said he should be used to being around gay people. Howard said he's uptight about playing a gay guy so he's taking him down there to the homo room. Howard said he hasn't been down there for years. He tried the door to make sure he can go down there.
Gary told Howard that Eric was on the line. Howard picked up again and asked what happened. Eric said he was there the whole time. Eric said he was there the whole time and responding to him. Howard said something went wrong then.
Howard was in the Homo Room so he told Eric he has to be more comfortable with different behaviors and lifestyles. Howard asked if he wanted to have some fun. Eric said he didn't know. Howard asked if he had his shirt on or off. Eric said he had it on and it was staying that way. Eric refused to take it off.
Howard said that he's going to shock his nipples. He had the sound effects but Eric was gone. Gary said he thinks this time he hung up. Howard said that they have to get out of there. He did say that the Homo Room is handicap accessible.
Howard said Eric is really uptight. Robin told him to get him back on the phone. Howard said he was a real dud and wasn't even able to get his shirt off. Howard said he hasn't been down there in years. He wondered when he was last there. Robin said it might have been with William Shatner. Howard said that was like 15 years ago. Howard said they might have to change the name of the room to LGBT room.
Eric was back on the phone so Howard asked why he left that room. Eric said he's not into that shit. Robin said they were just freeing him up to be an actor. Eric said he's not going back down there. Howard begged him to go back down there with him. He said he'll check him for testicular cancer. Eric said he's not going back there. He said that's not his lifestyle and he's not going there. Robin said they're not saying he's really gay.
Howard asked Eric to come down and sit with him down there. Eric said no. Howard said the door is open. He said you can hear it. Fred was playing the echo and dripping sounds from the room. Howard said the drip is his jizz that's all over the ceiling. Howard said there are some professional wrestlers down there. He didn't want to mention their names though. Howard said Eric isn't coming down there. He told Fred to shut the door. Fred played the door closing sound.
Howard said he tried to have some fun with Eric but he can't do anything with him. Eric said he can't do that with him. Howard said he'll speak to him later. He said Bye for now to Eric. Eric gave him a ''bye.'' Howard said he's not a show killer at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Jewel was trying to hard with her cover of ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' He said she was over doing it. Howard said he's wrong. He said he loved that cover. The caller wanted to know what the guys in the back office think. Howard said they all like it too.
Howard said Gary's favorite commercial was the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial. Howard said that he didn't see that one. Robin missed it too.
Howard said he's sick of Iran. They claim that they sent a monkey into space. Howard said that it's total bullshit because we would have known about it. Howard said that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants to be the first Iranian into space. Howard said that they should send the whole country to space and not let them come back. Howard said first it was a monkey and now a jackass. Howard said he had to take a break.
Howard said they have Jewel coming in and they have to play the Staff Revelation game again. Howard said he participated. Robin said no one asked her to participate. Howard said they probably emailed her and she never checks her email. Howard asked Gary if they emailed her. Howard said there's something with Robin and her phones and all of her technology. Howard said he'll call Robin and she says that she never gets his call. Gary said he did send the message to group. Robin didn't get the message. Gary said there are a lot of people who don't answer. Howard said there is something wrong with her technology. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he just had a major meltdown. He said he's okay now. He said Gary made a mistake. He said that he booked Jewel and Jenny for the same time of 8 o'clock. Howard said Gary was apologizing about that. He said he just has to get out of there. He said he has to leave. Howard said he wants to just leave now. He said he thinks he can leave because his contract says that he can. Howard said he can't find his agent to ask about that.
Howard said Gary says to him that whoever gets there first will get on and he'll tell the other one to go home. Gary said he didn't say that. He said he would just put the other one off. Howard said what he needs to do is get a hold of Jenny and beg her to reschedule. Howard said she has agreed actually. He said he feels bad about that but they have to do something. Howard told Gary to send her a gift. Gary said he's sending her flowers. Howard said he's going to try not to blow his stack. He said he even dismissed the Howard TV camera during his tirade.
Howard said that Gary made a mistake and he's not being mean. Howard asked Robin to come in there and cradle him. Howard said if he leaves radio it won't hurt anyone. He said he's just sick and he has to get out. He said he has a 3 year illness. Howard said they didn't follow the contract so why should he? Howard said he doesn't know why he bothers signing contracts.
Howard said he got up at 2 in the morning for this shit. He said he might have a heart attack after this shit. Robin asked how these bad things can happen to him. She said that God doesn't work with bad people. Howard said he thinks he has a contract that says he has to work even if he has a heart attack.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the screw up and that led to Howard going off on Gary about his idea to put one of the guests off. Gary said he didn't want to send anyone home. He said they could have done one at 8 and one at 8:30. Howard asked Gary if he could send him home. Gary said he can do anything he wants to him.
The caller said he listens to the Wrap Up Show and they were berating Benjy like he's a dog. He said Gary said that they can't believe that Benjy's girl sleeps with him. Howard said he's zoning out on this. He said he can't stop thinking about this Jenny thing. Howard said they could have done the news now and had Jenny come in at 9. Howard said that might not have worked either. Howard said maybe they should have done that. The caller asked how many times Gary is going to fuck up this month.
Robin told Howard about Mayor Koch's funeral and what was going on there. She said that Bill Clinton might have a hearing problem. She said he kept leaning over to Mayor Dinkens asking what was said about him during the funeral. Howard said that's like his dad. Robin said that Ed Koch orchestrated the whole funeral. She said he made all of the plans and the only thing he didn't know was that Clinton was going to speak. One of Ed's aides said that he would have been thrilled. Robin said that Ed loved his bridge and he was a great family man according to his family. Robin said the one question she had about the funeral was when the Rabbi got up and spoke in Hebrew and then in English. Robin asked why he did it in Hebrew. Howard said they do that to piss you off so you won't come back. Howard read that Bill Clinton got hearing aids in 1997.
Howard said that Octomom thought she had lost one of her kids. Howard said in a normal home you'd know. Howard said it turns out the kid was asleep in his room. Howard said she wouldn't know because she has so many kids. Howard said she should get a sheep dog and herd her kids. Howard said they interviewed her about it and she forgot to carry the 1 in her math. Howard said that's some piece of work.
Robin read about the hostage situation in Alabama. She said that's finally over. Howard said that the FBI knew what they were doing and they got a hidden camera on the guy. Howard said he was a known scumbag and the neighbors knew he was fucked up. Howard said the guy shot and killed the kid's father. Robin said the guy used to threaten to kill kids that stepped on his property. Robin said that she worries about the little kid. She said it must be very traumatizing.
Howard asked Hanzi if he's going to do a normal show. Hanzi said he has a feeling that something bad is going to happen. Howard said that he's going to have a show and he's going to be fine. Howard asked if he has topics. Hanzi said he will talk about conspiracy theories like the false flag massacre shootings. He said that they're planned out so they can further their agenda. Robin asked what the hell he's talking about. JD came in and said that he has no idea either. He asked if he's going to talk about Beyonce giving her Illuminati sign during her song. Hanzi said she did that. Robin asked what the Illuminati sign is. Hanzi said Robin knows.
Howard said that Jenny is coming in another day. He said Jewel will be there soon. Howard said that they'll do the news at 9 then.
Howard said he was reading that they're going to build an amusement park where Osama bin Laden was killed. Howard asked if they're going to have It's a Small World ride there. Howard said maybe they'll have It's a Small World to Blow Up. Hanzi said that bin Laden died in 2006. He said that the Navy Seals are now being killed off too.
Howard said that when the callers get Hanzi revved up they can't hang up on them. Hanzi said he'll just walk out then. He said he'll do that or just pull down his pants and fart. Howard said he'd listen to that. Howard said the fun is listening to him going at it. Howard asked if he's going to be medicated when he does the show. Hanzi said he's going to go rogue. Howard asked who wants a medicated Hanzi. Hanzi said if he's not medicated he's going to be like that guy they can't mention on the air. Robin asked who that is. He said it's Elliot Offen. Howard said they can mention him on the air.
Howard asked Hanzi if he's dangerous when he's not medicated. Hanzi said he's not but he doesn't want them piling on him like a rape. Howard said Hanzi is too controlling. Hanzi said Howard is too.
Howard asked how Osama bin Laden die in 2006. Hanzi said that it was revealed in an interview. Hanzi said he hopes he can die but he seems to be stuck there. Robin asked how Osama died. Hanzi said he doesn't know. Howard said he's looking forward to his show. Hanzi asked for some TV roles before he hung up. Howard told him they'll see how he does on his radio show first. Hanzi said he's going to be the man on TV. Howard asked if he'll play Osama bin Laden. Hanzi said that's fine. Howard said that would be funny. Hanzi said he wants to play his arch nemesis in his Fartman movie. Howard said he's not going to ruin his movie booking him.
Howard said Sour called Mad Dog Russo's show and he wasn't making any sense but Mad Dog stuck with it. Howard said it went on way too long.
In the clip Sour called in as Jon Hein and did some sports talk with Mad Dog. Then Sour goes into his Gary impression and talks to Mad Dog like he's really Gary. They were talking about the Super Bowl. He wasn't making any sense and he was just going on and on about nothing. Mad Dog stuck with the call though.
Howard told Sour to call Mad Dog as Mad Dog since that's his best impression. Gary told Howard where the message to Jim McClure was at. Howard played that clip and Sour was telling Jim, as Gary, that Sour had called the Mad Dog show. Robin said it really does sound like Gary.
Howard had Sour do his Mad Dog impression. Howard asked what he thought of the Super Bowl. Sour was doing his impression and his phone started cutting out. Sour said he might be too close to the phone. Howard told him not to get too close to it. Sour did his Mad Dog impression and Howard said he has no material but the impression is good. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said maybe he can take his mind off of this by playing the staff revelation game. Gary came in and said he had a revelation and 3 choices for who it is. The first one was ''When I was in high school I saw a group of retarded kids being taken back stage at a concert so I hopped on line and pretend to be retarded to get back stage.'' Howard said it had to be Richard Christy. He didn't even need the choices. Howard said he looks kind of retarded. Gary said he does look kind of retarded. Gary said it is not Richard though. Howard said maybe it was Jon Hein. Gary said it's actually Steve Brandano. He went to see Dave Matthews like that. Howard said that's great but no one cares about Steve Brandano.
Howard said they did a 5 minute report about Gregg Karmel's girlfriend moving in with him and he figures that no one gives two shits about that story. He said no one knows how Gregg is. He said instead of talking to Jenny McCarthy he's talking about Steve Brandano.
Howard said so far this isn't so great. Howard asked if he has any from the guys in the mail room. Gary said the next one is about a guy who met a chick while he was in college. He locked a girl in the coat room at the fraternity house and banged another girl. Gary said it was either Jon Leiberman, Doug Goodstein or Will Murray.
Howard said he loves Howard TV and what they do there and he loves Doug but he's out of his mind. He said that the show with Rachel Fine was done with Doug Goodstein. Howard said it's the most horrible, boring show ever. He said it's also the longest show in the history of Fine Time. Howard said it's so boring. Howard said they have the worst show on Howard TV now. He said he has clips somewhere.
Doug came in and said that the fans sent in a hundred questions for him. Howard said he has something going on with his voice. Howard said he should take that show off. Doug said he answered honestly in the show. Gary said they did think it was a little long. Howard said he can't get through 3 minutes of that. Doug said that the audience liked it.
Howard said he is going to kill someone today. He said they just took his clips off his page. Howard said he just had it lined up and then the page changed. Howard said Doug's show blows. He's boring.
Howard said Doug talks about the previous shows he's done. Howard played the clip and Doug was talking about how he worked for ABC News for a while and he was bored so he started looking for work and found this. Howard said Doug's Fine Time is 24 minutes long and Robin's was only 11. Howard said 3 minutes with Doug is boring. Howard said maybe a minute would be good. Doug said they've gone through the whole staff already. Howard said they should end the show then. Doug said the feedback about this show has been great. Howard said there can't be one person who liked this. Howard asked when they're doing one with Rob Martin. Doug said they'll do that one tomorrow.
Howard had another clip of Doug talking about the music rights on Howard TV. Doug said it was a simple answer but it went on way too long. Doug said this stuff comes up all the time. Howard said it comes up with his five followers. Doug said that people want to know the answers to this stuff. Howard said they should just put everyone on Howard TV. Doug said he plans to. Doug said they're shooting Steve Brandano tomorrow. Howard laughed and asked what's up with Steve Brandano. Fred played snoring clips. Doug thanked him for that.
Howard said Doug defends something in this next clip. Doug was asked about Ronnie's Block Party and going on the road with them. Doug said they have crews out on the road all the time. He said that if he went to that then Howard would talk about it. Howard said he just zoned out. Howard said he loves Doug but he's off with this. Howard said no one wants to hear the answers to this other than the 100 people who asked the questions. Doug said he disagrees.
Howard said Robin hit it on the head. He said that they don't have anyone there who is behind the scenes. Howard said that he has a problem there. He said he doesn't have workers, he has superstars.
Howard played another clip where Doug was telling Rachel Fine that they keep the studio cold so they can see if the ''turkey is done'' with her. Doug said they took that out of context. Howard said that this is a horrible show on Howard TV. He said they need better people than Doug. Howard said they should book Gary or Fred or someone like that. Doug said they are going on to their second round with everyone. Howard said they should interview a turkey instead of Doug.
Doug said that he thinks that Howard is underestimating what the fans want. Howard said he should go back and pay attention to what he's doing. Howard said he thinks he's lost his mind. Doug said he has not lost his mind. Howard said it was 25 minutes of Doug.
Gary got back to the game and told Howard about where they were at with the game. He mentioned the guy who locked the girl in the closet. Howard said it had to be Will Murray. Gary said it was Leiberman. Howard said that's just idiotic.
Howard said Mike Gange was interviewed for Howard TV and it has 6,000 views after 3 months. Howard asked if they're on drugs there. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this staff revelation game. Gary said he has more.
Gary read a revelation where someone says they were thinking about having a baby and they were very close but they changed their minds. They had Jason, Richard and someone else. Howard said it had to be Richard. Robin said Richard and so did Fred. Benjy said he bets it was Howard. Gary said he's right. Howard threw them off when he said that it wasn't him.
Gary said that Howard has said that it wasn't going to be him. Howard said they did come close. He said they sat down and talked about it. Howard said he was hesitant and then he opened his heart up to the idea. Howard said Beth was thinking about it but then he got scared at the last minute because of his age. Howard said she's 40 and he's 59. He said that it's not a good time. Gary said that they could adopt. Howard said that's not happening. Howard said Beth would have a black child in a minute. He said that he won't adopt though. Howard said that most people are lucky and they end up with a kid like that quarterback in the 49ers. Howard said that he'd end up with a Russian kid who is predisposed to killing.
Gary said that they could get Beth pregnant. Howard said he would have no problem getting her knocked up. Howard said if he put his penis in her with his massive load he could get her pregnant within a month. Howard said he thinks the moment has passed though. Howard said they were gearing up to do it last summer but he gave up. Howard said the thing that triggered it was because of their age and how it could be the last time they could do it. Howard said it's like cramming for an exam and the exam is due.
Benjy asked if they have regrets. Howard said that Beth thinks that they might have regrets. Howard said he doesn't think he will but he will if Beth has regrets. Howard said he talked to his parents about it and his dad looked at him like he was nuts.
Howard said he was afraid that he was too old and he wouldn't have time for himself. He said he wouldn't want to be a shitty father. Benjy said he thinks he'd love it. Howard said he doesn't know him very well. Robin told Benjy to have one with Elisa. Benjy said they are talking about it. Howard said he has to play tape of Elisa yelling at Benjy in the hall last week. Howard said he'll talk about that but he has to get to Jewel. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Jewel if she's into this song. She said it's okay. Howard said that she wasn't loving it. She said she's not. Howard said she's not really a music aficionado. Jewel said she was raised in Alaska and she had a strange assortment of music. She said she never heard Earth Wind and Fire. She said that her parents were musicians and they played out. She said she never heard Elvis do Heartbreak Hotel but she would perform it with her parents. Howard said that must be weird. Howard said she grew up without heavy musical influences. Jewel said she got into Odeta at an early age. She said that Cole Porter was another one. She said Joanie Mitchell was an influence too. She said that she thinks that's kind of cliché.
Howard said he remembers reading in Billboard that Alaska was a good place to be a DJ. Howard said he could have gone up there and done that.
Howard asked Jewel about making records and if she does the echo thing like this song had. Jewel said she doesn't usually but she will experiment with it. Howard asked if she's prepared for the studio before she goes in. She said you have to be these days because of the cost of studio time. She said that creativity can be compromised because of that.
Howard said they had Tommy Mottola on and he was talking about why Michael Jackson's record was so expensive. He would have multiple studio recordings going on at once. Jewel said it's easy to lose touch like that.
Howard said that Jewel did a video for FunnyOrDie.com and they made her look like a witch. They sent her into a Karaoke bar to sing her own songs and she won over the crowd in seconds. Jewel said she thought it was going to be kind of self-aggrandizing but it turned out okay.
Howard asked Gary where his song ''Salver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' is at. Gary said Fred has it. Howard said he wrote this song in 6th grade and he asked Jewel to cover it for him. Howard said that most people are familiar with it but he wants to play it for those who don't know it. Howard asked if she knew what he was talking about in the song. Jewel said she thinks so. Howard said it said nothing to her. She said that she was surprised and thought it was going to suck. She said she liked the drum part. Howard had cut it off right before it started. Howard let it play and said that was Jerry Dickowitz on drums. Howard sang along with his song.
Howard asked Jewel if she was moved by the song. She said it was kind of a Patty Smith kind of vibe. She said that it was pretty good. She said she's kind of prepared to play. She said she hasn't spoken in a week because she's been sick. She said she hasn't been able to sing it yet. Howard had her do the song after that. Jewel said she forgot the beginning so she had Howard do it. Howard started her off where he says ''Mary, come play with me. I'll give you a silver nickel.'' Then Jewel played her version of the song.
After the song Howard said he knew he wrote it for a reason. Howard asked if she could put the song on her new album. She said it's too late. The album is a Greatest Hits album. She said she re-cut a few versions and had Kelly Clarkson sing with her on a song. Howard asked if she thinks about how she came up on American Idol and all of that. Jewel said she's talented and that's all she cares about. Howard asked if she could have taken the pressure of going on a show like that and performing. He asked when she had her first hit. She said she was 19 when she was signed and her song was a hit at 21. She said that she's been performing since she was 6.
Howard asked how she was discovered. She said it was Danny Goldberg who signed her. Jewel said that she was homeless at the time. Howard said she was living out of her car. She said she was working a bunch of dead end jobs and barely scraping by paying rent. She said she had a boss who asked her to sleep with him and she turned him down. She said she went to pick up her check the next day and the guy wouldn't look her in the eye. Howard said it's so brutal out there.
Howard said Jewel must seen the gloom in everything. Howard said she just had a baby and she must think about bringing a baby into this horrible world. She said that they have talked about how they don't want their kid to be in music. She said there are people who were nice to her for no reason and that changed her view on life.
Howard said that Jewel's family has a TV show and they make Honey Boo Boo look like she's living in a condo. Howard said that Jewel's dad killed a wolf and he cried over it. Howard wondered why he would cry over that and not over his own daughter. Jewel said that he has done a lot of work to make himself better. She said that he didn't have the skills when he was young but he worked on it.
Howard said she really had no parents. She said that her mother left when she was 8 and came back when she got signed. Jewel said that she went to a bar to sing and she would write 5 hours of material for that. She said that people started bringing her food and books to read. She said that they put a bootleg on radio in San Diego and that went to the top 10 requests. She said that people were taking her out to dinner and things like that. Howard said she was destined for success because she worked at writing 5 hours of material and reading the crowd. Howard said people want to take short cuts these days and you can't do that. Jewel said that it's a hard road to go.
Howard said that you have to learn to read the crowd. Jewel said that's what her father taught her to do. Howard asked if he would yell at her and things like that. She said that he wouldn't do that but he was abused as a kid and he raised his kids like he was raised. Jewel said she knew that she could end up marrying a drug addict if she stayed in that situation so she had to get out. Jewel said there were positive things there too though. She took from the good and tried to surround herself with more positive role models. She said it was a hard earned thing.
Howard asked if she was a depressed human being. She said she wasn't always depressed. She said she has been depressed but she never took any medication or anything. She said that she learned that you never outrun your problems by being around the bars all the time. She said she knew she had to face her problems as they came up. She said she went through so many phases. She said she got sick all the time and her kidneys were failing so she almost died in the parking lot of a hospital.
Howard asked what she thinks about the health care situation. She said she's not sure how to fix it but she would prefer free health care over the right to free roads. She said that a doctor helped her get through all of that and he was a really good guy.
Howard said that Jewel's fans pushed her onto the radio. Howard said she was one with her fans. Jewel said she still has that great relationship with her fans now. She said she stays in touch with Twitter and things like that. Jewel said she never thought she'd be so famous. She said that she thinks that if you're just honest with your fans then it will work.
Howard said Jewel was homeless and she was in great despair. Howard asked if she thought about stripping to make money. Jewel said she had friends who would let her shower in their apartments and one of the guys had an escort service. She said they talked to her about it and she learned what they do. She said that if she was skinnier she might have tried the stripping thing. She said she has been propositioned to be a guy's woman but she never went for that. Howard said it must be tempting. She said it was but she never did it. She said she doesn't judge anyone who has done it. Jewel said she felt she had something and she had that confidence. She said that she shouldn't have had any but she did. She said music made her feel like she had something. Howard said he feels that way about radio. He said he had something going on there. Howard said he did consider stripping for a while but they wouldn't hire him.
Howard said that Danny Goldberg discovers her. She said Tommy Mottola too. She said that Tommy struck her as kind of slimy. She said he was kind of a slick guy and that wasn't for her. Howard said she went with Danny instead. Jewel said she was homeless and she had every record label throwing deals at her. She said they would have given her millions to sign. Howard said then her mom shows up. Jewel said she would hitchhike to Anchorage to see her but she didn't see her a lot. Jewel said she's not sure if she can even talk about it. Howard asked if she's gone to therapy. She said she hasn't. Howard asked how she works this out then. Jewel said she reads a lot. Jewel said she read The Symposium and things like that so she would learn to look at things logically. Jewel said that her mother was homeless at that time and they would sometimes park in the same place. She said she had a spot that she liked to park at because there was a plant that would bloom right near by. She said that the owner of the house came out and asked if she was okay once but she didn't call the police.
Jewel said she had a boyfriend at one point and he was arrested for human trafficking. Jewel said that she was doing her own thing and living in her car though. She said she's sure she could have gotten an apartment if she got a credit card and racked up the bills.
Jewel told Howard that she would go out and sing for money and go get something to eat. She said that's how she was eating. She said she learned scams on how to get free food too. She said she would go to one place on Wednesdays to get free watermelon and she'd have to make up cleansing stories to get into that.
Howard asked Jewel if she attracted a lot of bad guys. She said that she never liked guys who weren't nice to her.
Howard asked if she was signed to the record company for millions. She said she turned down the millions because what you're doing is borrowing the money. She said she felt uncomfortable with that. Jewel said she didn't want to borrow that much and have to be successful. Jewel said that she had a lot of hype around her signing and she thought if she could make a living she'd be happy. Jewel said that she knew she'd be dropped if she borrowed 5 million and didn't make it. She said that she had a large back end with Danny Goldberg's company. She said she asked for $100,000 up front and for them to pay her rent.
Howard said then the mom shows up. Howard asked if that's when the anger finally exploded. She said she was actually happy. She said everyone wants a mom. Howard asked about her child, Case, and if she can imagine ever leaving Case. She said she can't. Howard asked under what circumstance she would leave the kid. She said none. Jewel said that she hasn't spoken to her mom since 2003. She said that story may not be told. Howard asked her to tell him. She said that it just wasn't a good relationship for her so she cut it off. Howard asked if she wants to see her kid. She said she hasn't been in touch since 2003 so she doesn't know. She knows she's alive and her brothers talk to her. She said she's pretty close to her brothers. She said that they don't know what went on with her and her mother though. She said she'll leave that to them.
Howard asked if she has ever gone to the house she used to park in front of. She said that she still goes there once in a while. It's in San Diego.
Howard said that's it. Mom is out of the picture and her dad sees the kid. She said that he's worked very hard on their relationship. She said that he felt guilty for his failing at being a dad. She said that he has crushing guilt over the whole thing. She said he tried to get healthy and she admires that. Jewel said that he was a badly damaged person and it's hard to face that when you're older. Howard said he's proud of him too for doing that. Jewel said that she's super happy now. She said her husband is good to her but it's not just that. She said that it takes time to become happy. She said she had to learn how to become happy. She explained to Howard how that's worked for her.
Howard asked if writing the songs has gotten the misery out of her. Jewel said she never wrote miserable songs. She said that she wrote ''Who Will Save Your Soul'' at 16 and she ended up getting a scholarship to a school. She said that she ended up hobo'ing through the country. Howard said it's amazing that she was never raped or molested doing that. Jewel said that a good part of it is luck. She said that you learn to read people in bars and she was a young child at the time. She said that she learned to take care of herself and trust her instincts. She said she once had a guy telling her that she shouldn't be hitchhiking. He kept telling her that over and over again. Jewel said that she pulled a knife out and asked him if he was going to fuck with her. She said he laughed and they're still friends to this day. She said he's like her best friend ever and he watches her baby for her at times.
Howard asked Jewel how she ended up writing her own songs. She said that she would just sing about what she sees and going to the big city would make her see things that she hadn't seen before. She said that she started free styling on the street and that's when that song ''Who Will Save Your Soul'' was written. She said that she got down to San Diego and took trains all over the place. Howard asked if she'll sing that one for them. She said she would do that. She sang the song for Howard after asking how much he wanted to hear. Howard said as much as she can handle.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said he'd save her soul. Howard said they're giving him the hi sign out there. Howard said he has to get to everything though. He asked her about fixing her teeth. She said she did it for a TV role. Jewel said that's a misconception. She said that she has that snaggle tooth and she had to put a cap in there to fix the problem. She said that it's not fixed completely.
Howard said that she looks good after having the baby. She said she's wearing a big dress. She said that she can't be loved just by fixing her looks. Robin asked if she's going to have any more kids. She said that she's not sure. She said she's 38 now.
Howard asked about touring with Neil Young and how scary that was. Jewel said that she went out on the road with Bob Dylan once too. She said that she sold like 3,000 records in a year. Howard asked if she was scared after that. Jewel said that was in the grunge days and there was no place for her on radio. She said she was touring her guts out and Dylan believed in her. Howard asked if he came on to her. Jewel said he didn't. Howard said he doesn't trust men. Jewel said she has never put out that vibe so that's probably why. She said Bob believed in her and helped her out with her lyrics and stuff.
Howard asked how she took off again after that album didn't work out. Jewel said she changed herself to get on radio. She said that Neil Young ended up taking her on the road and he told her not to change and just do what she does. She said that's when she started taking off on radio again. She said she went from 3000 a year to 500,000 a month.
Gary broke in and told Howard she really has to get out of there. Howard said he had way more questions for her. Howard said she should be a judge on America's Got Talent. She said she would do that if she could swing it. Howard said she's got this new album Greatest Hits out now. He said he'll play her song so she can march out of there. She said she's going to co-host The View this morning. Howard said that this is her song ''Two Hearts Breaking.'' He played her out to the song.
Howard came back and wondered what happened to this band. He said that breaking up was probably a bad idea. Howard said that these guys must be multi-millionaires though. He said they had a hit song.
Howard said that he and Jewel have a thing going on. Robin said that they all leave though. Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he got wood hearing that song. Howard said that he didn't get wood but he does think about what it's like to have a chick like that who is so talented. Howard said that she's very sexy. Mark said that the only other person who oozes like that is Denise Richards. Howard said that's for a different reason though. He said he finds Jewel very exciting. Mark asked how old she is. Howard said she's 38. He said that story about her pulling the knife on that guy was something.
Howard said he's very sensitive about staring at her boobs. He said that he saw her yell at James Carville once about staring at her boobs. Howard said he invited her to his movie premiere and her mom told her not to go. Howard said that it was her mom that stopped that from happening. Howard said that they have pictures of her up on HowardStern.com now.
Howard said he has some audio of this football player, Lardarius Webb, talking about ''graffiti'' but he thinks he was talking about the confetti that was going to be dropped. Howard said he thinks the guy chuckling in the clip was happy to be there with the football player. Howard said that guy must think that it's something else and not the confetti. Robin said she didn't understand until Gary said it was the confetti. Howard said he set it up that way though. Robin wasn't paying attention.
Howard said he has Zenaida on the phone. She's responsible for some sound drops on the show that they play a lot. Zenaida said that her niece was murdered last week and she was hoping that they could have a moment of silence for her. She said her name was Sarah Gonzalez and she was only 18 years old. She said that if you want details you can Google it. Howard asked if she was close to her. She said she was. She said that she can't believe this stuff is happening in this world. She said that her boyfriend shot her. Howard said he wouldn't normally do a moment of silence but he might do this for her.
Howard said maybe she should do a prayer instead. Howard asked Zenaida to do the prayer. She said she didn't prepare for this so she asked Howard to say something instead. Howard said he isn't real good at this stuff. Zenaida said god is with us all. Howard said he's no sure about that with the face he has. Howard asked what her happiest memory of her cousin was. She said that she made her a Christmas card when she was younger and that meant a lot to her. Howard said they'll try to remember her that way then. Howard said this was a great kid who had a horrible thing happen to her. Howard asked Robin to help him out there. Robin said she'll be missed by all who loved her and it's just another indication about how we have to stop gun violence. Howard let Zenaida go after that. Howard said there was nothing funny in that. He said he shouldn't have picked up. He said he thought that she was going to be the screaming maniac she usually is. Howard said sometimes reality creeps into the show.
Robin read a story about Strom Thurmond's half black child and how he had an affair with his maid. Howard said that he had a baby with the maid so Arnold wasn't the first. Robin said that child died at the age of 87 on Monday. Robin wondered if he supported that family or not.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she loved the Jewel performance. She said that Gary really dropped the ball today. She asked what's going on over there. Howard said he must be too distracted with outside projects. Mariann said he's right. She said that they should be concentrating on this show. Howard said that's right and he's going to go on to another project if things don't change around there.
Robin read more about this Strom Thurmond thing and said that the mother of this child was only 16 when she was pregnant. Robin said he may have been a statutory rapist on top of all of this. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a quick Jewel story. He said in 2002 he was in San Diego doing audio engineering and Jewel was back stage. He said there wasn't much space back there and they were all rubbing up against her tits every time they walked back there. He said she was just hanging out back stage so they'd have to walk by her and she would just smile. He said the memory will stick by him the rest of his life. Howard said he did that to Robin in a similar situation.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the Jewel interview was great and finding out about the babysitter having a knife pulled on him was great.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a bill that's going to be passed about banning certain abortions. Howard said men just want to control a woman's body. Robin said they keep coming up with loopholes.
Robin read a story about the mother of the woman who was found dead in Turkey is trying to raise money to bring home her body. Robin had audio of the woman talking about how hard it is to think about not being able to see her daughter again. Howard said this world is so fucked up. He said he'd never go to Turkey. Robin said she hopes the father will get back. Howard said he would never leave this country. He said he's so in love with the United States. Robin said she won an overseas assignment when she was in the Air Force but it was to Turkey and she said no thanks. Howard said he'd rather go to Florida. He said even Hawaii is foreign to him.
Robin read about Chris Kyle being killed and how the guy who shot him was arrested. Howard said he saw a story about Justin Bieber being at a Best Buy and a guy tried to take his picture so his bodyguard threatened to shoot the guy. Howard said that his bodyguard is busy with block parties and strippers. Howard said he's a fan of this bodyguard. He said the fact that he was just body guarding is a big deal to him. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a former barber to Jay-Z being accused of dousing people with alcohol and threatening to kill white people. Robin said he was in a video of Jay-Z's. Robin said he faces 25 years in prison. Howard said maybe he saw Django Unchained and it got him riled up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would like to have Jewel shit on his chest or throw up on his chest. Howard said both are repulsive but he thinks he'd rather have her shit on him. Howard said he's not looking for that but the puking thing he doesn't know about. Howard said he's never thought about that before. Robin said the puking might be out of a cleaner spot. The caller said that at least he'd get to see her vagine.
Robin read a story about a guy who was talking about grabbing women, killing them and slow cooking them with other people. Howard said he's not sure how you make that move to find other guys who are into that. Robin said you must have to cast a wide net. Robin said that the cannibal guy has a wife. She said that the guy was looking for women who were similar in build to his wife. Robin said that one guy would tell the other he would kill the women humanely but the cannibal guy would tell him not to worry about that.
Robin read that Russell Brand is in the paper today about what he said on this show about Katy Perry. Robin said they had a quote from him about how you have to let go of the instinct to protect someone once they're gone.
Howard read some email about the Russell Brand interview. He had some positive email about that and then some negative email about him too. Howard said that most people seem to enjoy him.
Robin read about a 16 year old girl who was killed and dismembered. Robin had some audio of the mother of the girl talking about how she wants to see the guy who killed her walking into jail. Robin said the killing happened in 2010. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Piers Morgan and what he's been saying about gun control. Robin said he's had people debating about gun control just about every night. Robin said he had Ted Nugent on the show last night. Robin had some audio from that interview. Howard said he loves Ted. He said he hasn't seen him there in a long time. He hasn't seen Piers there in a long time either. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the most congested traffic city in the United States and asked Howard which one he thinks it is. Howard said he thinks it might be Washington DC. Howard said he'll say the road that leads to Denise Richards' vagina. Howard said he's been in L.A. so he's going with that. Robin said he's wrong. Robin said it is Washington DC. Robin said that they did a study about that and found it was DC. Howard said he should have gone with his first answer. He said he over thinks things. Robin said after DC it's Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York and Boston. Howard thanked her for that.
Robin said that Baltimore is still celebrating the Ravens Super Bowl win. Howard asked Robin if she feels anything for them. Robin said she didn't grow up with that team so, no. Robin said she hasn't been in Baltimore for 32 years or something like that. Howard said she's like a Vulcan being unemotional. Robin said they will hold a victory parade today at 10:45 down there. Howard said that sounds safe. He said he wouldn't go to that parade. He said it sounds like trouble to him.
Robin said that they're saying that the Super Bowl is the biggest human trafficking event of the year. Robin said that the number of prostitutes down there is pretty large. Robin said they had some underage arrests down there as a result. Robin said that there are organizations trying to help women and they say that this is a great event but it has a dirty secret too.
Robin read about Mitt Romney's son is looking to fill John Kerry's senate seat. Howard said he can't just be senator just because his father was. Robin read more about that story and said that Mitt's wife might be interested in that seat too. Howard asked what the hell is going on. He said that they should do some hard work before they get that seat.
Robin read about the Boy Scouts and their anti-gay rule. They have a petition for stopping the ban. Robin had audio of a mom who had some things to say about that.
Robin read a story about Bar Rafaeli and how that took 60 takes to get the kiss right. Howard said Bar must have thrown up so many tines they had to take it over. Howard said that commercial worked. He said he knows what GoDaddy does now. Howard said that kid in the commercial has been in a lot of things because he looked familiar to him. Robin said she knows what he means. Howard said he claims that tons of women are contacting him trying to go out with him now. Robin said the kid said every take was the same so he got to kiss her 60 times.
Robin read about the movie Identity Thief and how Melissa McCarthy was out promoting it on Jimmy Kimmel last night. She had some audio of Melissa talking about how she was going to go into fashion design before getting into acting. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon said that this is the Howard Stern Show and the rest of them are superfluous. He said that some people might feel like they're being hurt by what Howard says. Gary asked who that is. Jon said they can speak for themselves. Gary said that they are a big organization there. He said that he was saying to the news today that Steve Brandano is on the periphery but people do know who he is. He said that he thinks listeners enjoy being brought into the inner circle. Jon said that they like TV characters like that and Steve kind of fits that bill. Jon said that the difference is that Steve may not be on Howard's show that much but he appears on a few shows on his channels. He's on air with Geektime, Jon Hein's TV show and the Intern Show.
Steve said that they went in there knowing that Howard was going to say ''who gives a fuck about Steve'' and they were right. He said that was one of his best stories and if he doesn't care about that then he's not going to be heard on the Howard Stern Show soon.
Jon said that when you get air time you think that your exposure is going to be more than it is. He said the person that counts the most is Howard. Gary said that's true but then there's Robin and Fred and then him but he thinks that Steve is wroth including.
Jon asked Doug if he understood what Howard was trying to tell him. Doug asked if he understood what he was trying to tell Howard. Jon said he does. Doug said that he added visuals with everything he talked about in his episode. Gary said he thinks that Doug should do the show but it shouldn't have been the longest. Doug said he didn't know that it was the longest. He said it is what it is and they just run it. He said he didn't make it the longest just because it was his.
Gary said that Howard was saying Doug may have fallen in love with himself. Doug said Howard is just wrong about that. He said he doesn't look at the time and he looks at what the best show is.
Jon asked Doug if he was offended when he said that it was the worst thing he's ever seen. Doug said Howard hasn't even seen the show. He said if he saw it he'd say it was the best but on the air he'd say it was still the worst because that's the way the show works.
Gary said that Doug giving his background is where he went wrong. Doug said he was just answering questions. Doug said these questions were the better ones. He said he doesn't get what's wrong with what he did. Jon asked anyone to come in and speak their mind about that show.
Doug said he would do a Fine Time with Teddy. He said that people have questions for him. He said if Howard didn't like the show then they should have stopped them a long time ago. Jon said he thinks that it's just his particular show that he didn't like. Doug said that's the way it is with a lot of things. Doug said he has gone away on 3 trips in the past 3 and a half years but Howard makes it seem like he goes on every one and he's killing the budget.
Jon said he can see Gregg Karmel itching to say something. Gregg said that he didn't ask for a news report to be done about him yesterday. He said he hopes Howard isn't thinking that he's trying to get on the air all the time. He said that he's really not doing that. Gregg asked Gary if he thinks that he's thinking that. Gary said he thinks Howard is thinking that the news did a 3 minute report on his girlfriend moving in with him. Jon said that Gregg isn't one of those guys clamoring for air time. Doug said he's not either. Jon said he thinks he likes being on the air but he doesn't look for it. Doug said he's a behind the scenes kind of guy. He said he works in TV and radio so he's going to end up on the air.
Jon said that this show makes everyone known. He said you get a taste of that celebrity and you wonder why it's not more.
Doug said he's not looking for it and there are a lot of people who aren't looking to be stars there. He said the show is about everyone though.
Steve asked Jon and Gary who they think just listen to just Howard's show. Gary said that's a hard one to gauge. Gary said that this is like group therapy for them today. Jon said they have to get to Gary after the break. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that it came up on the air so maybe it wasn't so bad. Gary said that he knew he was angry enough that if it didn't come up on the air it wouldn't have bothered him.
Jon asked Ronnie what you do in a situation like that. Ronnie said you just deal with it. He said he saw Gary's face when he came out. He said that he knew something was going on when she didn't show up at the time he thought she would.
Gary said he was texting with Jenny McCarthy and she handled it all very well. He said it was a bummer because she's a friend of the show and you don't want to disappoint someone like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary is screwed after Howard thinks about this for a while. He said that their responsibility is so great to the show and they can't do this. He said they're so preoccupied with their outside endeavors that they can't concentrate on this. Gary asked what he has going on outside of the show. The caller said he has that internet show. Gary said that Ronnie had nothing to do with it. The caller said today he doesn't but Howard did bring that up. Gary said he doesn't have anything going on outside of the show. Gary said he hasn't done that show since November.
Jon said a lot of people have outside projects going on. He said that he only tapes stuff during vacation time or on weekends and it doesn't take away from what he's doing on the show. Jon said that Ronnie treats it the same way. Ronnie said he only does the block party on the weekend and they only do it once a month usually. He said it doesn't interfere with his work.
Jon said Gary is the same way. Gary said today he made a mistake that's unforgivable. He said he wasn't thinking about something else though. He said it's a nice theory but it's just not the case.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have been nothing but narcissistic since this show started. He said that it's the Howard Stern Show and he has been a fan forever. He said he pays for everything they do. He said that it really sucked today. He said something about Natalie Maines telling Howard not to go off on Gary so much and that's why he thinks Howard didn't go off on Gary today. The caller said he loves this show and Howard is ultra OCD and he thinks that they have to stop it with their other appearances. The caller said that Gary really fucked up today and the Natalie Maines thing is the reason for all of this.
Gary said that he can't bring Natalie Maines into this. He said that doesn't make sense. Gary said that Howard was the one who told him to bring up the Natalie thing on the show. Gary said that Howard wasn't annoyed by it. He said this caller doesn't get to hear everything that goes on there. He said that he can't bring today's stuff back to the Natalie Maines thing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said ''fuck that previous caller.'' He said that shit happens and we all make mistakes. He said he has been listening to the show for 20 years and they're all dedicated to it. He said it's no big deal. Gary said he appreciates that but he doesn't take it as no big deal. He said he wants to make sure it never happens again.
Howard said that someone sent him a message today about how Gelman would never fuck up like this for Kelly Ripa. Gary said that you don't know what goes on behind the scenes there. He said that's the beauty of this show. He said you see what goes on behind the scenes. Jon said he's right about that. You don't see the screw ups at other shows because they keep it behind the scenes.
Ronnie said that's what people don't get with this show. He said that everyone gets yelled at on the show. Gary said Mariann's call really bothered him today. He said that it was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes. He said he's not even sure why but Mariann's call bothered him.
Jon had Mariann on the phone. She said that Howard has been telling them for the past couple of months that things have to change. She said that they should be checking and double checking what they had to do today. Gary said he thought he had. He said that today is the worst day for this to happen. He said in a way it might be a good thing. Mariann said they have to wake up and smell the coffee. She said they have to double and triple check what they do around there. Gary thanked her for that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when the show Gary and Jon are doing is going to be on. Gary said he doesn't want to get yelled at about that so he's just going to say look it up online.
The caller brought up the Homo Room thing they did today and how that hasn't been on the show in a long time. Gary said that they used to try to get this DJ Bob Wah to do the Homo Room and he always refused. He said that he eventually gave up and Howard did all kinds of things with him.
Jon asked if Gary thinks Eric will ever go in the homosexual room. Gary said the joke would be over if he did.
Jon said that Jewel looked great today. He said she came in and sat down with her guitar and you know it's extra special when someone is going to sing one of Howard's songs. Gary said that they did a transcription of the words and Howard had to get involved in that. He said it was great.
Jon said that Jewel had a lot of interesting things she talked about today. They talked about how the guy who watches her baby is the same guy she pulled a knife on after he picked her up hitchhiking.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they get pissed off that the papers only pick up on little things that they get out of celebrities. He said they don't seem to get the credit they deserve. Gary said he thinks they get a lot of credit. He said that a lot of interviews don't get picked up in the news at all.
Jon said it is great when something gets picked up. Gary said that he reads Entertainment Weekly and they seem to be in love with Jimmy Fallon. He said maybe someone isn't listening to their show. He said they might have to do their work for them and feed it to them.
Jon said Jewel did a great job with both songs she performed today. Jon said he thinks that when she starts singing everything stops. He said she has a beautiful voice. Gary said she really does. He said that she fits right in there with Neil Young and Bob Dylan.
Steve said he's impressed with any girl who picks up a guitar. He said that he digs it a lot that she's not doing that Britney Spears kind of thing.
Steve said he thought that Howard was concerned for Jewel on the tours she was on. He said that he doesn't think that the Neil Young and Bob Dylan crowds would heckle her. He said if she was on tour with the Foo Fighters they might heckle her.
Gary said that Gilbert Gottfried once opened up for the Go-Gos and they had like 50 people who wanted their money back because Gilbert was throwing around the C-word.
Jon asked if Howard thinks he's a good song writer. Gary said he wrote those songs in 6th grade. He said that they do sound good when they're interpreted so he might think he sounds good. Jon said he has to agree. He said Jewel sounded really good today. Jewel did say that she liked the song after she re-made it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jewel is really good outside the show too. He wondered why they don't have Fred play along with them. Gary said most of them aren't aware of Fred and they usually bring their own stuff or bring their own people.
Another caller said that Jewel's voice went right through him. He said she was great. Gary asked if she fixed her teeth or not. No one was quite sure what she actually did.
Jon said that her stories about her family were pretty wild. Gary said there's something going on with that Colin Kaepernick guy. Gary said that they talked to Shaquille O'Neil about the same thing. He said that it can be weird when the parent wants to come back when the person becomes famous.
Jon asked Gary how he's going to be the rest of the day. Gary said that people are looking at him like he just got out of prison rape. He said he went right back in and talked to Howard about the whole thing.
Jon said he still thinks that Doug doesn't get it. Gary agreed. He said that Doug thinks that he had to put out the whole 24 minutes of that show. Gary said he's the opposite of Doug. He said he will cut himself down instead of being too long.
Jon asked what he thought of Sour Shoes call to Mad Dog. Gary said he thought it was great. He said he thinks his Jon Hein was pretty good too. Jon said he doesn't think that Mad dog even know that it wasn't them.
Jon took a call from Tommy from Malden who said that he's glad that they bumped Jenny McCarthy today. He said she's a phony bitch. Gary said she's not phony. Gary asked why he thinks that. Tommy said that he just can't stand her. Gary said he thinks that she's pretty up front and she's not a bullshitter. Jon said that she's still Gary's ''it'' girl. Gary said they might be right about that. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the Fab Faux wondering who likes them other than them. He said that was really good but no one seems to care that they sound just like the Beatles.
Howard said that Richard Simmons wrote a new song and he was supposed to come in today. He said that they're so booked up that they couldn't fit him in though. Howard played some of the song he was going to come in to promote. Robin said this is like a Mark Harris kind of thing.
Robin asked what happens with the song. She asked if it's supposed to raise money. Howard said he has a flyer for the song that's packed full of information about Richard.
Howard said that it's a picture of Richard in his gym shorts and it might be time to stop with that. He said they have a big set of hands holding Richard's head in a heart. He read the flyer that had a lot of information about Richard and what he's done over the past 40 years. Howard read some of the things that Richard has done and about the awards he's won. Howard read that he's a singer/songwriter now as well. Howard said if that's true then he's one too. He said Jewel just performed that song he wrote as a kid. Howard said she was good too. He said there was a reason he wrote that song. Howard played some of Jewel singing the song. Howard said he should have had Fred harmonizing with him when he sang silver nickels. Howard said Jewel got the meaning of the song. He said if he hadn't ruined it then it would have been great. Howard said someone in the email said he ruined it but she asked him to sing. Robin said she feels bad for her. Howard said she loved it.
Howard played more of the song and said Robin is right... poor woman. Robin said she's only heard one song worse than that. She said it was Elisa Jordana performing live in the studio. That led to Benjy talking about how some TV shows have come to her about playing her song on their show. Benjy said that her songs are great. He mentioned a bunch of the titles of the songs. Benjy said a lot of people like her music.
Howard said Elisa was down there yelling at Benjy. He said he thinks this is Benjy coming to her defense. Benjy said her songs are good and that's what he thinks. He said Howard thinks that too. Howard said Elisa was on a rampage. He said Howard TV was all over it. He said they may have it up on Howard TV already.
Howard played some of Elisa out in the hall after her performance talking about how Benjy didn't stick up for her. She said that he used to stick up for her but that went away after they had sex. She said every guy is the same. Howard said once he gets into the threesome talk he's done. Howard said he can tell he's ready to get away from Elisa already. Benjy said he is not.
Howard played more of Elisa being interviewed by Howard TV. She was asked if the fire is gone. She said that Benjy isn't the same person he was. Howard said she was about to say that there never was any fire. Howard said she started crying after that. He played the audio of Elisa crying and saying Benjy doesn't care about other people. She said she didn't want to go back into the studio. She said Benjy didn't stand up for her. She said he does this to her every time. Benjy was in the green room trying to help but she was freaking out on him.
Howard said Benjy was very appropriate during that whole thing. Benjy said he really thinks in his heart that the song is good. Howard said this is Benjy defending his girlfriend on the air. Benjy said he would have done this 3 or 4 years ago.
Howard said they have about an hour of tape of Elisa talking about what a scumbag Benjy is. He played some of that and Elisa was going on and on about how he's changed and doesn't defend her. She also said that his job isn't that hard after being told Benjy was just doing his job. Howard said poor Benjy is in the dog house. He said he's been there.
Howard said Elisa is manipulating Benjy. He said this is just getting him back in line. Howard asked Doug how long her breakdown is. Howard said Elisa is really sexy and she cries so hard she squats down and her legs look awesome. Gary said Scott DePace said that the tape runs about an hour. Gary said he would watch the whole thing uncut. Howard said that sounds crazy but that's what he would do too. Howard said Richie Wilson got hit too.
Benjy said that the Bold and the Beautiful contacted her about using her song. Robin said they contacted Eric the Actor to be on the show too.
Howard asked how Benjy calmed her down. Benjy said it was when Howard came into the room and calmed herd down. Howard said he just told her that Benjy was doing his job. Howard said he knows he loves her music. Benjy said he should have explained more about it before she came in. Howard said that's what he told her too.
Howard said he doesn't blame Benjy for this but he has to really defend her. Howard said he has to go overboard. Howard said he should just talk about how good her music is for not reason. Benjy said Howard says he doesn't like Justin Bieber music. He said that it's the way he conveys it. Howard said he likes Elisa so he should just calm down. Howard said he gets it. He told Benjy to stop.
Benjy said he's not doing this like a joke. Howard said he's too smart for this. Benjy said Howard will say he likes stuff Beth does. Howard said he gets it. He said he just doesn't want to be put through it. Howard said he gets the whole thing. He said he's on top of it and he can stop.
Benjy said he truly loves the song. Howard said they get it. Benjy said he truly loves her too. Howard said he's a wise man and he should say it again. Howard tried to get Benjy to say he didn't want to make a mockery of this. Howard was trying to get him to do the Jackie speech to his wife Nancy but Benjy wasn't getting it. Howard told him to say he was serious and he didn't want to make a mockery of it. Fred was trying to find the clip to play for him and that's when Benjy got it. Fred found the clip of Jackie making an apology to his wife Nancy about the Jessica Hahn Bathtub incident.
Howard said he thinks that he was a bro to Benjy the other day. He said he talked Elisa down. Howard said she's a good looking girl. Howard asked if she's amazing in bed. Benjy kept saying ''Yeah!'' Howard said this is part of his plan to help him out. Howard asked if she's a good chef too. Fred did his Benjy voice and said she's a good welder, lumberjack, car mechanic, deep sea diver and others. Benjy said she's not a deep sea diver.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Dan Marino announcing that he had an affair and he paid off some woman. The caller said no one even gave a shit. Howard said no one should. He said he's an ex-football player who did something that so many men have done before. Howard said he had an affair. Howard said the wife doesn't even seem to care. He said she probably wanted him out of the house. Howard said Dan is a great quarterback but who cares? Howard said it's a human interest story and that's about it. Howard said he may have tarnished his reputation with the people who do care. Robin said maybe he was hit so hard he just forgot what he was doing. The caller said that he thought it was strange that there was no reaction to it at all.
Howard said that Arnold Schwarzenegger did that with his maid and the interest level goes way up with that. Howard said he was married to a glamorous Kennedy and he fucked a woman who looked like a dude. Howard said that's mind boggling to him. Howard said he's not sure how he'd get it up for a woman like that.
Howard said women should love Arnold. He said that Arnold fucked the cleaning woman who looked like a cleaning woman. Howard did his Arnold impression and goofed on him about that for a short time. Howard said he didn't even wear a rubber. Howard said Arnold must be insane.
Howard had a prank call the guys had Fake Arnold make to a marriage counselor. Howard played the call where Sal and Richard did a Jack and Rod Show bit where they told this woman they had Arnold on the phone with them. Fake Arnold (Josh Robert Thompson) ended up having phone sex with the guest on the Jack and Rod Show.
After the call Howard said that was the most clinical sounding phone sex he's ever heard. Howard said that no one cares about Dan Marino though.
Howard asked Donald about what he was asking Arnold for. Donald said he was asking about something positive that would help keep people in the area. He said he thought that he could get the help from Arnold but it didn't work. He said he doesn't know if he didn't try or if it just didn't work out. Donald said that it was a bad thing for the state and he was just trying to help. Howard asked if he has seen him since the scandal. Donald said he has not. He said he's a different guy now. He said he changed when that book came out.
Donald said it's like Lance Armstrong coming out and talking about his problems. He said he should have just gone away and relaxed. He said he's a dead man and he shouldn't have done the interviews he did. Donald said he could have left a year ago when he said he wasn't going to fight anymore. Donald said that it was wonderful for Oprah. He said he watched that and thought it was unbelievable. Donald said that he's going to end up owing hundreds of millions of dollars. He said that the government sponsored a bicycle guy. He said the postal service spent million to sponsor the bike team.
Howard said he has a million questions for him. Donald said they have that bond and he even went to their wedding. Howard asked how his wife is doing. Donald said she is doing very good. He said she loves being a mother too. He said she's a great mother. Howard asked if he has maids in his house. Donald said he does but they're not 10s.
Howard asked if he's upset about the Beyonce lip syncing thing. Donald said he is not. He said there are some people who get into trouble over it but not her. He said that some people's careers have been destroyed. He said he likes Jay-Z a lot. He said when Beyonce was thrusting her hips at the Super Bowl he thought that it could have been a scandal if it had been anyone other than her. Howard said he knows some people who turned off the TV because they felt it wasn't appropriate. Donald said he felt it was inappropriate. He said that he hasn't said anything about this until now. Donald said there was no mention of it so it couldn't have been so bad. Howard said maybe she just gets a pass.
Howard said Donald has become very political. He said that he hasn't always been like that. Donald said he doesn't love it but there are a lot of people who come to him for his opinion. He said this country had a contraction and we're not doing well. He said we're not in a good place.
Howard said he has to ask if he's really anti-abortion. Howard said he doesn't believe he is. Donald said he feels certain ways about things and it's not a priority for him. He said that rape and things like that are passes for him. Howard said he's way too progressive for that. Donald said that it's split up and about 55 percent of this country feels that way. Howard said he doesn't think that he's personally against abortion. Howard said that there are people out there who are out of their minds not taking care of their babies. Howard said he's glad there is abortion and he thinks that Donald is for it. Donald said he is pro-life and it's never been a big thing for him to talk about. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Howard said he thinks that if he was alone in a room with him he wouldn't care about gay marriage either. Howard said he's all for people being happy. Howard said he knows George Takei took him to lunch trying to convince him. Donald said he really is a nice guy. He said George thought he had him convinced but he really didn't. Howard said he's in a relationship where he's happy and not sliding around somewhere marrying a straight woman. Donald said that George is happy and he told him how he fell in love and all of that. He said it was nice. Howard said it would have been great if Donald had changed George's mind. Donald said he never thought about that. He said he did great on the show though.
Howard asked Donald if he's really against gay marriage. Donald said this is another argument that hasn't been discussed with him. He said that and the pro-life thing aren't big things he's talked about. Donald said that years ago it was 80-20 with gay marriage. He said he's not saying that he wouldn't change but it hasn't been high on his list. Donald said that people talk to him about fuel, China and other thins but not about the gay marriage thing and pro-life stuff.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Lindsay Lohan. Robin asked why they would ask him about her. Donald knows her. Howard said he probably had sex with her. Donald said he didn't. Howard asked if it's over for her. Donald said he can't say it's over but they don't write about her much. Donald said that Paris Hilton is the one who created that Kardashian thing. He worked that in to mention that the Kardashian's have been on Celebrity Apprentice.
Robin said that Nicole Richie is doing very well with her fashion line. Donald said that Lindsay was in that group too. He said that she wanted an apartment in one of his buildings but she didn't want it when they told her what the rent was going to cost.
Howard said that Donald must think that Sarah Palin is an idiot. Donald said he thinks she's great. He said he just spoke to her yesterday. He said he thinks she's a wonderful woman. He said there are a large number of people who think she's great. Donald said that he treats people the way they treated him. He said that she said that he's great so he likes her. He said Snooki said the other day that it's too bad Donald Trump isn't president. Donald said that she said she hopes that he runs. then she said that our country wouldn't have a problem if he was president. Donald said that she's fantastic and that's what he's going to say after she comes out for him like that.
Howard asked Donald what he thought of his wedding. Donald said it was great. He said it was very nice and they had a good time there. Howard said he didn't spend a lot on the wedding. Donald said his wife is wonderful. Howard said she really is a saint. He said she left the bed last night because he was snoring so horribly. Howard said he has been with this woman for a long time and he still cums too fast. Donald said that he has to go a second time. Howard said he's not 18 anymore. Howard asked if he does that. Donald said he doesn't want to say that.
Howard asked Donald about some women and asked him to say if they were hot or underrated. He asked about Halle Berry first. Donald said that what he doesn't like about her is the drama that surrounds her all the time. He said that she's fine though. Howard asked if Kim Kardashian is that hot. Donald said that she wanted to come on the Apprentice and she sold some stuff. He said that she couldn't have been nicer. He said she doesn't have a great body though. He said she has a fat ass. Donald said if it wasn't Kim then people would say they wouldn't want her. Howard said she's not one that Donald would want to go to now. Donald said his first call, if his wife left him, would not be to Kim. Howard asked who he would call if his wife passed away. Donald said Howard said the worst thing when he asked if he would leave his wife if she had a horrible accident that ruined her looks. Donald said Howard asked if he would leave right away or in a month. He said that Howard is the only guy who could ask that question.
Howard asked Donald who he would call if his wife left him or died. Donald said he owns the Miss Universe pageant. He said he bought that from a group of people and the guy was not allowed to go to the contest. Donald said he went to it about 13 years ago. He said if you're going to run it then you have to be a woman or gay. Donald said he owns it and about a month ago he saw Dyana Mendoza. He somehow worked in a plug for his Twitter account, @RealDonaldTrump into that.
Donald said he has this huge Twitter thing going on. He said he dictates to people to tweet out for him. He said he once had someone send out a note to Bill Belichick and the woman tweeted out ''Bob'' instead if Bill. He said that he was very embarrassed by that. Howard said he can't do everything himself and he has to fire them if they do something wrong. Donald said that he went nuts over the Bob thing but he didn't fire the woman over it. Donald said that they had major headlines in the paper in Boston because of that but he didn't fire that woman.
Donald told Howard about Romney and how he didn't talk about his success. He said he's worth a couple million and it's not that much compared to what he and Howard have. Donald said he was almost ashamed of it and he didn't understand. Donald said that the last debate was a diaster for him too. He said what he hates is these consultants who have these people do things that they don't usually do. He said they had Romney go shopping and he was trying to get out of the store in jeans and a shirt. He said he was pushing the cart and wasn't able to get it out the door. That's because he's never done it before. He said they made him look like a man of the people but that's not what people want. He said that it was like when Jimmy Carter used to walk off the plane with his own luggage. He said that the Marines are supposed to carry it. He said they want to carry it.
Donald said that he wrote a book called Time to Get Tough and he put his financials in there when he was going to run for President. He said he has done very well and he was going to make that a big part of what he was going to do. He said he would have let people know how well he's done. He said he has more than Romney and he said that they need someone who knows how to make deals for this country. He said he has friends from other countries living in his buildings and they're all laughing at them. He said that they think we're the dumbest people on earth. Donald said that you go to China to make a deal and they think we're all stupid. Donald said they did a story in Business Week. He said he's very hard on China and no one hits harder than Trump. He said one of the top 10 things the Chinese want is anything Trump. He said he hits them hard and they respect that. He said they don't respect Obama.
Howard asked if Mila Kunis is hot. Donald said she's not bad looking but she's not hot. He said the girls in the Miss Universe pageant are the hottest. He said he would take Miss Brazil over any actress and no one would know who the other women were in the room when they saw Miss Brazil. Howard asked if Jessica Chastain is hot. Donald said she's not.
Howard asked what Donald watches on TV. Donald said he watches a lot of news. He said they love him over at FOX. He said he watches MSNBC too though. He said that he loves the older movies but he gets bored by them. Howard asked if he watches porn. Donald said he's never really had any interest in it. He said he has never been into it. He gets it but he's never been into it.
Howard told Donald about this one video he saw of a woman whipping another woman. Donald said he's not into that stuff. He said he's a very political person though. He said he has always been that way. Robin said that he has to meet with people now. Donald said he has a great popularity. He said he heard Howard talking about him a while ago and he was asking why he would be doing this stuff.
Howard asked Donald about where he stays most of the time. Donald said he loves it down in West Palm Beach. He said he's in New York a lot of the time too.
Howard said he saw this lawsuit against Bill Maher. Donald said he wants to explain. He said that his dad was a very good looking man. He said he learned a lot from his father. He said that he was a great guy and a handsome guy. He said his mother was a good looking woman too. He said she was a beauty and she's 5'11'' tall. He said he's not sure how he turned out but some would say not so good. Donald said that Jay Leno asked Maher about Trump and he wondered why that was. He said that Bill has asked him to appear on his show for the past couple of years. He said he would do it but it's hard to find the time. Donald said it was just too tough. He said that Maher started hitting him with stuff and then he made this offer where he would give $5 million to Trump if he can prove this or that. He said that the money could go to charity. Donald said he didn't say he was kidding. Donald said the following day he was able to get his birth certificate and accepted his offer and he listed 5 charities that he could send his donation to. Donald said that he didn't answer so he felt he had an obligation to go after him for the money. Howard said technically he did say he would give the money. Donald said he didn't say he was joking. He said he would give the money to the charity of his choice if he could prove this.
Donald said he went to a guy at a law firm and they said he had a good case. He said that the thing that bothered him was that he talked badly about his parents. He said he's not sure why Maher hates him so much. He was it was very venomous. Howard asked what he would do if Maher called him and told him he was just trying to be funny and apologized. Donald said that he ran into Bill a while back and he asked him to do the show and he said he would do it. He said he would have done it eventually even though he's on the other side of the planet with his politics. Donald said Bill was hitting him on his show and that didn't bother him. He said that he made that offer on Jay's show and he has to come through. He said Harvey Levin told him that he could have a case too.
Donald said that Bill hasn't come out and said a word after that appearance. He said he thinks that he went to the lawyer and he told him he has a problem. Howard asked what he would do if he apologized. Donald said he would have a conversation with him. He said he would like to win that money for those charities though. He said he had 4 or 5 calls from lawyers who have told him he has a case.
Howard said he wanted to give him a gay F, Marry, Kill game for him. He gave him Seth Myers, Bill Maher and President Obama. Donald said he's going to say this is a joke. He said that Seth is the one they'll lose. He said he would marry Obama. He said that he seems like the kind of guy to marry. Howard asked if he'd fuck Bill Maher. Donald said he doesn't know about that.
Howard asked what he thinks about Michelle Obama's bangs. Donald said he thinks they're nice. He said that she's in there pitching for her husband and he likes that. He said that Romney should have been out there like Obama was out there. He said Anne Romney was doing a good job though.
Donald said that the Washington Post made some comments about her looks and they're getting some heat over that. He said that he won't even comment on her like that because he has too much respect for her.
Howard said he could talk all day with him. Donald said they could talk all day. He said if they just called him he'd come on. He said it's not his thing to call them. Howard said he told Gary that it is incumbent upon them to call Donald. Donald said they can call any time they want.
Robin asked what he thinks about gun control. Donald said that the bad guys are always going to have the guns so you need a gun to protect yourself. He said it's a very difficult subject but you need guns for protection. He said he is a second amendment maven. He said focusing on past records and things is what they should be doing.
Howard asked if we should blow up North Korea. Donald said he saw that piece they did about them and they showed New York City blowing up. He said he doesn't want to lose Howard to nuclear weapons. He said that's the worst problem we have in this world. He said we have to do something because it's so easy to get a suitcase bomb in the city that could go off. He said he'd like to see this country rebuilt but there are other issues too. He said the nuclear weapon thing is a big one. He said that they were showing New York City being destroyed in North Korea and that's almost an act of war.
Donald was going on and on about all of the countries out there that we have problems with. He said that Iraq was asking for 2 trillion dollars to pay for the damage we did to their country.
Howard said they've talked for over an hour already. Donald said he could talk to him for 10 hours and they'd have the highest ratings ever. He said he can call any time and he'll talk. Howard said that he has his new Celebrity Apprentice coming on March 3. He's giving another chance to Dennis Rodman. Howard let Donald go after that.
Howard said he just found out that Jessica Chastain isn't hot. Howard said that Mila Kunis is ordinary too. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have the Extreme Super Fan Trivia challenge coning up. He said they have Joel McHale coming in too. He went to break after that.
Howard moved on to the next contestant, Mark from MarksFriggin.com (Hey, that's me!), who runs a Howard Stern fan site. Howard said he has devoted his life to the show and he keeps a log of every show. Robin asked who is logging now. Mark said that no one is and he should be home. Mark said he's been doing this since 1996 and he used to write about a paragraph and it included his opinion. Now he just writes a rundown without his opinion included. He said it's kind of a free thing that he does. Howard said Mark might have an edge in the contest since he writes everything down. Mark said he doesn't think so because getting the information out of his head isn't so easy. Howard asked if Mark's wife is resentful of this. Mark said that he doesn't think so. He said he gets the feeling that she'd like him to get a job though.
Howard said he hired Mark at one point to write their rundown. Howard said he quit when he didn't want his stuff being edited. He said Howard ended up being angry with them. Mark said it wasn't the editing that upset him. He said it was the time it was taking them to get their updates up on HowardStern.com. Howard said he still can't get it up there on time. Howard wished him luck and moved on to the next competitor.
Howard spoke to RJ Harrington next. Howard asked what makes him a super fan. RJ said he listens as much as he can to the show and he really enjoys it. Howard asked if he thinks he has any chance against these two lunatics. RJ said that he has a ringer in there with this guy that runs a web site about the show. Howard asked what he's going to do with the money if he wins. RJ said he'd like to pay some bills and send his parents on vacation.
Howard moved on to the game and said they have a $5,000 grand prize courtesy of Identity Guard. Howard said they have $500 for the runners up. Howard said it's the 5 grand they're really after. Howard said they're going to ask questions and the contestants have to write down their answers. This first round of questions was worth 5 points each.
The first question was ''The Show's opening theme song is written and performed by whom?'' Howard said that Mark got it right with ''Rob Zombie and Howard.'' Howard said that was a tricky one. Carrie said she almost put Howard's name down. RJ only had Rob Zombie.
Howard asked what size Lisa G claim her breasts are. Howard said Carrie had 34 DD. Howard said that is wrong. Howard asked Mark what he had. Mark had DD. RJ said 34 D. She actually a 30 DD.
Howard asked What Jeff the Drunk's last name is. Everyone got that one correct. Howard then asked what state JD's mother moved to after meeting a man on the internet. Everyone got that one right with Hawaii.
Howard asked what Sal Governale's wife's name is. RJ forgot and had a question mark on his piece of paper. Mark and Carrie had the correct answer of Christine.
Howard asked what Bobo did before his retirement. Howard said that Carrie had postal worker. Mark had Driving instructor that was correct. RJ said he did both and Howard went to the judges for that. They gave Carrie the points for her answer.
Howard said this next one was an audio question. It was America performing ''The Boy with Horse Teeth.'' All three got that one correct.
Howard said these are going to be the 10 point questions. Mark was in the lead with 30 points. He said Carrie had 25 and RJ had 20. Howard asked When Howard and Beth's wedding anniversary was. Howard said they need the whole answer. Howard asked RJ what he had. He had a penis that he had drawn. Carrie had October 8, 2009. Mark had October 8, 2010. Howard said they were wrong. It was October 3, 2008.
Howard asked what Miss Howard Stern's real name is. RJ had Andrea but no last name. Mark had Andrea Ownbey and so did Carrie.
Howard asked what frequent guest's mom taught Beetlejuice when he was young. RJ had O'Connell but not the first name. Mark and Carrie both had the correct answer of Jerry O'Connell.
Howard asked what the name of the TV show where Eric the Actor said ''Keys woman'' was. All three had the correct answer.
Howard asked them to name two of Robin's three cats. Howard went to RJ first. Mark only had Jennifer Aniston. RJ had Brangelina and Leroy. Carrie had Brangelina, Jennifer Aniston and Leroy Brown.
Howard said the game is changing. Mark was in the lead but now Carrie has 65 and Mark has 60. Howard said they have one more 10 pointer and then the 25 pointer.
Howard said this is exhausting by the way. Howard asked what Howard's hair dresser's name is. RJ had Toni Colburn. Howard said that's close but not right. Mark and Carrie both had the correct answer of Toni Coburn.
Howard said the score is 75 for Carrie, 70 for Mark and 40 for RJ. Howard said that they're very close. Robin said RJ can't win under any circumstance. RJ said he's the ultimate loser. Howard told Robin to keep quiet because most of the audience can't do math.
Howard said the next one was going to be tough. Howard gave a whistle because it was going to be so tough. He gave a second whistle. Howard started to ask about the IQ tests but it could have been confusing to them. Howard asked what college Fred Norris attended. Howard said that's a tough one. Howard said he didn't want to have an ambiguous question with the IQ test question.
Howard asked RJ what he had. RJ had ITT Tech on his sheet. Howard said that Mark has dedicated his life to this show so much that he's not even making any money because he has some kind weird integrity because he can't get his postings up. Howard said that Carrie doesn't like Jon Hein. Howard asked Mark what he had on his sheet. Mark had no clue. Howard said he doesn't even work and he doesn't know the answer. Carrie's answer was Westchester Community College. Howard said it was actually two answers. It was Western Connecticut State College and Manchester Community College. Howard said that was a tough one and Carrie did win. Mark was damn close. RJ said he wasn't close at all.
After the game Howard asked the IQ test question and who the staff member was who had the lowest IQ. Everyone would have said Sal. Carrie knew it was 102. Howard said they would have all gotten it right. No one knew who won the Tiger Woods beauty pageant. Howard asked what name was used for Sour Shoes Father when Sour Shoes pranked Steve Langford. Howard asked what football player broke Howard's thumb. Mark said it was Marco Battaglia. Howard said he could have taken it with that one. Howard said he doesn't remember anything about the show. He said he just goes home and tries to forget about it. Howard said he loves the super fans.
Howard got in a plug for Identity Guard, IdentityGuard.com, and told Mark he just won $500. RJ won that as well. Howard said that he can't believe anyone knew any of this stuff.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to say anything. Carrie said a hello to her husband. Mark thanked his wife for putting up with him all these years and putting up with this bullshit. RJ had absolutely nothing to say. Howard warped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that the show is very busy today. He said that Joel McHale is there. He said he's from The Soup on E! and from Community. Howard said he's a nice looking guy. Howard said it's nice to see him. He said he can't wait to talk to him. Joel asked what he wanted to know about Chevy. Howard said he has a lot of questions.
Howard said he met Joel at one of Jimmy Kimmel's parties. Joel said at the second one he didn't even get close to Howard. He said when George Clooney is waiting in line to talk to him then he has no chance. Howard said he's not even aware of that. Joel said that Jimmy tried to bring him over but he said it wasn't a good time. He was either talking to Don Rickles or someone like that. Howard said he is so bad at parties. He said he can't wait to get the fuck out of there. He said he can't understand why anyone even wants to talk to anyone. Joel said he heard Howard telling Beth he was tired and wanted to get out of there. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone can hang in there. He said Beth is flitting around and he just wants to leave. He said he has to yell for her. Joel said he's seen that.
Howard asked Joel what it felt like not meeting him when he wanted to meet him. Joel said he just through it would be a good story if he ever came on the show. Joel said that Jimmy told him maybe next time he'd get to meet him. Howard said Jimmy's parties are great. He said he has so many celebrities there. Joel said he has a barbecue pit he can roast a whole pig in. Joel said Jimmy just bought the house next to him and he's tearing it down to build a barn on the property. He said that his kids went over there and they played in his chicken coupe. Howard said he had no idea he had that there. Joel said Jimmy is going to have animals in that barn he's building. Howard said those homes are expensive out there too. Joel said they are.
Howard said he didn't know Jimmy was making so much. He said he didn't think ABC was treating him that well. Joel said maybe he's growing poppy seeds and selling drugs. Howard said he was wearing a sombrero there at his house. Joel said he's friends with everyone. Howard said he has to be like that. He has to beat out Leno and Letterman for guests. Joel said that he has a way with people that he's never seen before. He said he's so personable too. Howard said he makes you think you're a close friend. Howard said he thought he was a close friend but he's just working the room. Joel said that he genuinely likes everyone though. He said he could be president.
Howard said he has to talk to Joel about a lot of things. He said that he's on The Soup and he didn't know anything about it until he auditioned for it. Howard said all he knew was that Greg Kinnear did it before he started his acting career. Joel said he didn't even have an agent at the time. He said he got a job on Will and Grace because he was tall. He said he's 6'4'' tall and he wore 3 inch lifts. He said he was dropped after that show. He said that they said he could come back in 4 years. Joel said he was just on the show for a one time thing. Joel said he didn't get work for 6 months and then his agency dropped him.
Howard asked Joel where he grew up. He said he grew up in Seattle. He went to college and took drama classes in school. He said he liked acting and he thought that was the only thing he could do.
Howard asked how he got The Soup. Joel said that he had to do a reality round up tape and that's how they found him. Howard said he seems to be flying under the radar. Joel said that he's on E!. He asked Howard to come back there. Howard said Ted Harbert probably doesn't want him back.
Howard said that Joel earned 7 million in a short period of time between 2010 and 2011. Howard said he started doing The Soup and E! gave him money to produce shows. He had never done stand up before he did The Soup and now he's doing that too. Howard asked how he developed his act. Joel said that he was told to host a show and try a few jokes between the comics. He said that his friend told him to put together some Soup jokes and just keep doing that. He said he could headline a show after doing that a bunch of times. Joel said he was lucky because he had a Soup audience showing up. He said they were very merciful. He said that he would make jokes like ''Paris Hilton doesn't have a gag reflex.'' He said they were fine with that kind of joke.
Howard said he had Fred with him in Hartford and they asked him to host a comedy show. He said he would only do a minute or three and then get off the stage. Joel said that's the best part. He said you don't have to worry if you bomb. He said the other guys are coming up after you. Howard said Joel is now getting $85,000 a night to perform. Joel said that's what casinos pay. He said they all pay great. He said Jeff Dunham is making like $20-30 million a year doing that. He said he was the most successful comic in the country at this point. Howard said he doesn't even know that name. Joel said he will go to Wyoming and fill up their basketball stadium 3 nights in a row.
Howard said Joel is doing well because of The Soup and being on Community. Joel said that the college kids watch Community and it's great.
Howard said Joel got married really young. Joel said he was only 23. He said he was in a sketch comedy show in Seattle when he married her. Howard said he could have had a major fucking scene going on. Howard asked if he's tortured. Joel joked that he is a gay man who is tortured. He said his wife doesn't have a gag reflex just like Paris Hilton. Joel said that if he thinks about it and how much work it would have been it doesn't bother him. He said he's been married 17 years and he has two kids. He said he is really thrilled and happy. He said to go back to the wife and kids is great. Joel said her grandmother once said that the only reason he was with her is because she would drive him around. Joel said that they told him he had to get a real job.
Howard said The soup is great because they can take a clip and be really brutal to someone. Joel said they were making fun of Honey Boo Boo and calling the mother ''The human thumb'' and saying that without the music it's like a slow suicide.
Joel said that Tyra Banks was the only person to threaten them. Joel said they love her in that she gave them so much material. He said they were thanking her every week by talking about her so much. He said they were strapped for clips for a while when her show went away.
Joel said that Tila Tequila was unbelievable. He said Date My Mom was another great one. He said Whitney Houston's show was great too. He said Being Bobby Brown had Whitney talking about her husband digging piles of shit out of her butt. He said that their publicists must have been shooting themselves.
Joel said the worst show of all time was the Britney Spears show. He said it was boring and you'd get sick watching it from the terrible camera work. Howard asked how they get the clips. Joel said they can use 30 seconds any of the show for one week under fair use. He said the show is a news show so they can do that.
Howard asked if he watches the shows personally. Joel said he used to have to watch that stuff. He said he had to watch Extreme Makeover. He said that he had to stay up late to watch more QVC. Howard said it's almost like watching Beavis and Butt-Head. Joel said that's what it's like. He said they have 12 employees and two interns who watch TV to find clips. Howard said you have to find the funny angle and mix it up. Joel said they had one girl who watched every hour of the Today show. He said she wanted to jump off a deck. He said when Flavor Flav was on they had a lot of clips.
Joel said that the Bachelor and Survivor are very slick and hard to get clips from. He said that shows like Bad Girls Club are easy. Joel said the Real Housewives shows are good for clips too. Joel said that the housewives would talk about putting syrup and powdered sugar up inside themselves for their husbands. He said the shows were on early too.
Howard asked Joel how many clips they go through in a half hour. Joel said that it's maybe 20-30. He said they'll repeat them if they're really good. Howard asked how many guys hosted before him. Joel said Kinnear and John Henson hosted. He said that John left to do some other shows. He said he hosts Wipe Out now. Howard said that show seems to be a good springboard. He said Joel got Community because of the show.
Howard asked if Chevy was always fighting with the guy who runs the show. Joel said that Chevy would leave voice mails for him all the time. Howard said he has to talk about this Community show. Howard said he thought that Chevy had something good there. He said he was in exile for a while and then he got back in front of the public. Howard asked if he went berserk. Joel said when he was on it was great because it was Chevy Freakin' Chase on the set. Joel said America loves the man. He said he was the highest paid comedic actor in the 80s.
Joel said Chevy seemed to like the show the first year but then he hated being there. He said he did interviews where he said he hated being there and the hours were longer. Joel said he introduced himself the first time and Chevy just looked at him and shook his hand. He didn't care. Joel said you look at Alec Baldwin who is huge now after doing 30 Rock. He said that Chevy's character was a great one. He said he had great lines. Howard said he says that he never knew his lines though. Joel said they had to use cue cards a lot of times with him. He said it felt like he just didn't want to be there. Howard asked why he didn't just ride this thing out. Joel said he would try to talk to him but Chevy would try to fight him... physically. Joel said he would go up to Chevy and ask him to just get through the day. Howard said maybe he took it the wrong way. Joel said he wanted to tell him that America loves him and he should be thrilled.
Howard said maybe Chevy was embarrassed he was on TV. Joel said he would say that he was a movie guy so he'd say ''Okay movie guy, lets do some TV stuff.'' Joel said the TV guys are just as big as movie guys are these days. He said there are some TV guys who are just as well known as movie people. He said Mad Men and Breaking Bad are some of those shows. Howard said that Kevin Bacon was just on talking about how he couldn't wait to get on TV.
Howard asked if anyone has tried to fight him over something he's said to him on The Soup. Joel said he knows Bruce Jenner isn't a fan of his. He said that he talks about how he looks like a turkey and things like that. He said he has seen him out at events and he won't step into that stuff. Howard asked what that guy did to himself. He said he must have gone insane. Joel said he must have thought he was going to look younger but he just looks weirder. He said that kind of stuff can end a career instead of extending it. Joel said that guys like Robert Redford and George Clooney still look good and they don't do anything.
Joel said that they did get sued by some little people. He said they used an image that they didn't have permission to use. He said that every reality star he's ever met has thanked him for putting them on the show. He said they even ask to be on again.
Howard asked if anyone is off limits. Joel said that they used to talk about Kim Kardashian being famous for having a big ass and her mother got upset so they held off on that a bit. He said they're back to it full on though. Joel said the network is fine with it too.
Howard said that the Kardashians are out there to be made fun of. Joel said that Kim is getting a quarter of a million to show up at a party. Howard said Paris Hilton used to do that too.
Howard asked Joel if he finds Chevy Chase to be insane. Joel said for the first three years they were working insane hours. He said it did get to everyone but it's better than being a citizen in Syria. He said he knocked over some milk crates this morning because he was tired but he's going out to promote this stuff.
Howard said Joel says that Chevy would throw the N-word around on the set. Howard said Chevy did a speech at his wedding and a lot of people found it offensive. Howard said he thought it was funny but others found it to be offensive. Howard said he didn't use the N-word though. Joel said Chevy used it on the set. He said that it came up and he said they were now at DEFCON 1. He said he was protesting his character's racism and where his character was going. Joel said that's where his character was going though. He said they did an entire show based on Dungeons and Dragons and Chevy should have won an Emmy for that appearance. He said he was protesting being racist and he threw the N-word out and it didn't work. Howard asked what he said. Joel said Chevy said he was looking at his lines and asked why he doesn't just have this one guy come over and sit on his lap and he'll call him N for a while. Howard said that's not so crazy. Joel said that Chevy said that Richard Pryor told him it was okay to use that word.
Joel said that Chevy is probably listening now but he won't get to him because he can never find his phone. He said his email was always ''in New York.''
Howard asked if the young kids on the show knew who Chevy was. Joel said there were some younger kids there who didn't know. He said that Chevy would go around telling people that Time Magazine said he was the best comedic actor of 1984. He said he would do that in jest but it would extend the day. He said it was tough to get things done on the set.
Joel said that he wanted Chevy to be around the whole time they did the show. He said that Chevy is in all 13 episodes this season but he's now off the show. He said they had a mutual parting of the ways.
Joel said that Ken Jong has joined the group. He said that he's great on the show. Howard said he hopes he gets to talk to Chevy soon. Howard said he wants to talk to him about how great the gig was and why he'd fight with the creator of the show. Joel said the creator was fired and the show is really like that movie Soap Dish. He said that from what he knew he fought with the network and the studio. Howard asked what he wanted that he was fired over. Joel said he assumes it was creative stuff. He said their show does to out there. He said that he had some issues with what they were doing from what he heard.
Joel said Dan Harmon is one of the most creative people he's ever met in his life. He said he's like Seth McFarlane. Howard said there's a lot of drama there. Howard said they could do 10 hours about that show alone. Howard said it sounds like he almost has Post Traumatic Stress. Howard said he had to work with this guy who didn't want to be there. Joel said Chevy said he liked the writing but he changed his tune. Howard said he doesn't think he has all that much money. Joel said he joked that he was doing it for the money but he's not sure if he was really joking.
Joel said Chevy played a great character on the show. Joel said Chevy will text him once in a while and say ''How are you doing... fucker?'' Joel said he'll say ''I'm fine, dick.''
Gary said he remembers Chevy saying something about fucking Howard in the ass at his wedding. Howard said that's what it was. He said they were talking about ass fucking and things like that. Joel asked if there were kids there. Howard said it was an adult thing. Robin said that no one had asked him to speak so it was kind of uncomfortable. Howard said that it was kind of strange but it was funny to him. He said that Chevy asks him to do stuff for his charity but he doesn't get to see him a lot. He said he's fascinated by him.
Gary said that they had people at the wedding who were going to perform and Chevy got up and spoke without being asked. He said that was kind of odd but it was funny. Howard said there were some people who were really offended by it. Robin said he had just met Howard at that point and why was he at the wedding? Howard said he doesn't know but he liked it.
Gary said that they had just made up after a long fight. Howard said he knows that but it was funny. Howard said he had just gotten married at the time. He didn't know what was going on. Joel said he talked to Beth at the party and she's delightful. Howard said he will stand there just going ''Beth! Beth!'' in a deep voice to get out of there. He said he has these hours that are miserable. Robin said that it's not the hours.
Howard asked Joel about being in the show Sons of Anarchy because he didn't remember that. Howard said he loves that show. He didn't know what character he played. Joel said he was a guy who picked up women in bars. He said that he ended up in bed with Katy Sagal. He said that he was pretending to be asleep and then he steals her SUV. Joel said that she is great on that show. He said he's not sure why the show is ignored so much. He said Katy should get 12 awards for that show. Howard said he thinks that Quentin Tarantino should get an Oscar for Django Unchained too. Joel agreed. Howard said he thinks that Chevy should have been in that movie. He should have been Django.
Joel asked if Howard liked Les Miserables. Howard said he can't watch it. Joel said he doesn't know any dudes who were really excited about seeing it. He has a female friend who saw it 3 times.
Howard said that the new season of Community is coming tomorrow night on NBC. Joel said he's taping The Soup there in New York and they have some special guests doing walk ons. Howard asked if he's doing any college dates soon. Joel said the colleges pay really well. He said he's not even sure where his shows are at. He said he's doing something in New Jersey. He said he has to go do some other gigs too.
Joel said he flew there in first class and thought it was going to be great until the guy next to him needed an extender belt.
Howard asked what these other comedians are getting for doing shows. Joel said there are guys who are getting half a million. He said Larry the Cable Guy might be getting a million. Howard said he has a friend who has Elton John play in his living room and he gets like a million. Howard said he didn't even know about Larry the Cable Guy. Joel said that he has a friend who used to fly on Larry the Cable Guy's jet all the time. He said his friend opened for Larry so he got to fly with him.
Joel told Howard that he thought that being on Sesame Street was a great time for him. He said he could mark that off on his list. He said now he can mark this show off. Howard asked if this was as good as being on Sesame Street. Joel said that this was good but with less molesting.
Howard told Joel to just come up and say hi to him at the next Kimmel party. Joel said they had one guy climb Jimmy's wall to get into the party last time. He said the parties are crazy.
Howard gave Joel some plugs for Community. He asked if he punched Chevy or if Chevy punched him. Joel said they were doing a scene and they were throwing punches in rehearsal and Chevy told him to just punch him as hard as he can. He said he gave him a left and he separated his shoulder. He said Chevy had to go to the hospital. He said it was that moment when everyone went ''Joel!?'' Joel said he just wanted to say ''I love you Chevy.''
Howard said that Joel went to college and got on the football team. He said that's kind of amazing because he had never played before. Robin said it was a girl's college. Joel said he was terrible the first year. He said that he lied to get on the team. He said he told them he played in high school. He got out on the field and they asked where he had played before then. Joel said he gained 50 pounds playing and then they thought he might get better. Then he left because he saw a 350 pound guy dislocate his hip. He said he screamed like a baby and he knew it was going to happen to him. He said it wasn't worth it. He said he had fun while he played though.
Howard wrapped up with Joel and thanked him for being there. Joel said they should have one of those number things like they have at a deli for meeting Howard at Jimmy's parties. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he had to put his dog down. He said he's had it for 13 years. Howard said that's rough. The guy said that it's part wolf. Howard said all dogs are part wolf in a way. The caller said that it's a real wolf. Howard said it's fortunate for him that his dog had a heart attack and died. Howard asked why he has to put his dog down. The caller said the dog is throwing up and he's all over the place. He was out on a walk with the dog right then. Howard said he has been through this and he loved his dog so much. He said it's the most painful thing to have to do. Howard said he won't give him the horse shit about the rainbow bridge or anything like that. Howard said his dog loved being with him and it's not waiting on some rainbow bridge. Robin said that she had the same thing with her cat Kelly.
Howard said this guy is a real man. He's facing his emotions and talking about what he has to do. Howard said this guy has to put his dog down and it's going to take him a long time to get over it. Howard said it takes forever to get over it.
The caller, Eddie, said that someone set this dog on fire. He said he has adopted a few dogs that were abused like that. Eddie said that they have a couple of strippers too. Howard said this guy is a comedian. He said he was about to say he was his hero. He said he deserves an academy award for this performance. Eddie said he's not joking. He said they call them strippers. Howard said he was his hero until that happened. Howard said that it's tough to be that passionate about something. Howard said the guy is a jokester. Howard said the guy was a fucking asshole. Eddie kept saying he wasn't joking. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said the United Postal Service has announced that they're stopping Saturday delivery. Howard said they will continue to deliver packages though. Howard said that this is the end of our civilization. Howard said the US Mail system was the pride of this world. He said that they delivered mail efficiently and it's amazing that they can't get this fixed. Howard said there are countries that can't get this system down at all.
Howard said he still sends letters to people as a thank you. He said he sends cards to people on their birthday. Howard said this is the end when you see something like this fall apart. Howard said it's a sad day. Robin said they haven't been making money for a long time. Howard said they should hand it over to a private organization. Robin said they would say they can only support a 5 day delivery too. Howard said this is bad. Robin said it's not that bad.
Howard said he loves mail on Saturday. Robin said he can save something from Friday then. Gary said he wants to chime in on this. Gary said he gets a lot of important mail on Saturday. He said he likes to go to the bank and things like that on Saturday. He said it's important for him. Howard said Robin will be crying when she doesn't get a letter on Saturday. Robin said it just shows that people aren't using mail now.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk. He said he was a question on Super Fan Trivia today. Jeff said he knows. He said he's very pleased with that. Howard said two knew it. Jeff said all three knew that one. Howard said he's right and he is paying attention.
Howard said that Django Unchained is a better movie than that Lincoln. He said it's so much better. Jeff asked if he saw John Stamos on The New Normal last week. Howard didn't see it. Jeff said he gave Howard a hell of a shout out. He said Ellen Barkin got a ''Hey now!'' from John on the show. Howard thanked him for that.
Jeff asked to get a shout out. He gave one to someone who pulled out his own teeth with pliers or something. Howard cut him off and hung up.
Howard said they have Jeff the Drunk's Embedded show coming up on Howard TV soon. He said they have the Ronnie the Limo Driver special up there too. Howard said he had to give the boys a shout out.
Robin got to her news and read a story about the Monopoly piece that's being discontinued in the Iron. Robin said they're replacing it with a cat. Howard said he's not for that. Howard said he doesn't like shoe. He said it's so weird to be the thimble. He said it should be an inanimate object, not an animal. Howard said he doesn't like animals in his Monopoly.
Howard said he thought he was very mature yesterday when Gary booked two guests at the same time. Howard said he wrote a note to Jenny McCarthy about the screw up. Howard said he challenged Gary to book more guests but he got it half right. He booked them all at the same time. Howard said he can't be mad at the guy. He said he never specified that they had to be on at different times.
Howard said Gary told him that he's over worked so that's why he screwed up. He said he offered him a free trip to Turkey where he can go on a walk by himself. Howard said he realized that Gary's notes system is based on Post-It notes. Howard said he let Gary off on that. He said he sent Jenny a note but didn't let Gary type it since he types with two fingers. Howard said he would have taken forever to type that up for him.
Howard said that PETA is upset with Beyonce because she was wearing a Python and Iguana outfit. Robin asked who cares about them. Howard said PETA does. He said she wore a mink coat to Obama's inauguration too. Howard said Beyonce will wear your fucking ass if you crawl or slither.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Joel McHale interview was great. He said he agrees that he kind of flies under the radar though. Howard said he really does. Howard said he loves an interesting person. The caller said that the Chevy Chase stuff was really interesting. Robin said it seems like Chevy doesn't need to work. Howard said he thinks he does. Howard said he did those National Lampoon movies so maybe he did okay with those.
Howard said there was a lot of talk about that fat kid who kissed Bar Refaeli in the GoDaddy commercial. He said the kid claims women are after him but it turns out they just want to buy a web site. Howard said he's implying that they want to fuck him. Howard said that just can't be. Robin said he looks like he's 12. Howard said they added in those kissing sounds and made it worse. He said it's crazy.
Howard said Senator McCain is in trouble for calling that Ahmadinejad guy a monkey. Howard said Ahmadinejad was so upset he threw his shit at the TV when he heard about it. Then he rubbed it all over himself. Howard asked who McCain could be in trouble with.
Howard said that the Postal Service is saying that Lance Armstrong won't be sued over what he did. He said no one really cares. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
After the break Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that Chevy is in the same boat as Eric the Actor if he's turning down scripts.
Howard quickly moved on to another call. The next caller said that cover of Lisa G's book is amazing. Howard said that her tits are real in that picture too. Howard said he was the Photographer on that thing. He didn't touch her tits at all. Howard said he didn't Photoshop or otherwise. The caller said that midget Warwick Davis flew with balloons on An Idiot Abroad. Howard said he heard about that. He said it's too bad Eric didn't beat him to it.
Robin read about a guy who had an Impeach Obama bumper sticker on his car and another man gave him the finger. The driver of the car with the bumper sticker followed the other driver, got out of his car and struck the trunk of the middle finger guy. Robin said the guy fled in fear. Howard said his bumper sticker just says ''I agree with you.'' He said Scott DePace once followed a guy who had an ''Impeach Bush'' sticker on his car. Scott said he was stuck behind him and didn't follow him home. He said he was stuck for an hour with that sticker in front of him. Howard said there's no reason to put a sticker on your car. He said that's why he stays home.
Howard mentioned the woman who was in Turkey and got killed. Robin said that this woman was beaten beyond recognition. Robin said that she may have been up to something. She said they're not sure what she was up to but she took some flights in and out of Turkey and her contacts were with some seedy characters. Howard said you don't walk around in Turkey.
Howard said he read that if you watch more than 20 hours of TV then your sperm count drops by 50 percent. Howard said Jon Hein watches so much TV that he started ovulating.
Robin said the new app Vine has had a lot of porn clips showing up. Robin said that people are sharing their genitals and things on there so they make you say you're at least 17 years old or older to download the app.
Robin said a woman is dead after the weight of the mounds of debris in her home made her floor collapse. Robin said that they found holes in the ceiling and floors of the home. Robin said she had so much stuff it went through the floor and she went down with it.
Howard said he was telling Benjy about Charles Manson killing people because of The Beatles ''Helter Skelter.'' Howard said Yanni would make him kill people. He said The Beatles were good and that song was good. Howard said Benjy didn't understand at all. He said he can see why his girlfriend was so upset with him.
Robin said that a lot of mentally ill people smoke like chimneys. Howard said he found that too. Robin said that they have linked smoking with mental illness. Robin said they smoke at a 70 percent higher rate. Howard said he used to smoke 4 packs a day. Robin said he's right up there. Robin said that it's become a serious health issue and they're looking to ban smoking in some places because of that. Fred played a few clips of Henry Hill coughing.
Howard said Robin bought him a pen for his birthday. He said he loves this pen. He said he looks for reasons to write things. He said he's written a bunch of notes with that pen. Howard said there is a company that designed a pen that vibrates if you make a spelling mistake. Robin said they'll have people there with the jitters. Howard said he gave one to Tim Sabean and they took him to the hospital thinking he had Parkinsons. He went into another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Chris Brown and how he may not have paid his debt to society like people think he did. Robin said that Brown has given no verifiable evidence that he completed any of his community service that was court appointed. Robin said he may have faked his hours. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said maybe they can play Jewel playing his song instead. He played the Chris Brown song. Howard let out and ''Ugh!'' when he heard Brown singing ''Please don't judge me...''
Howard read an email from someone who said that Turkey is not in the middle east. Howard said they're too lazy to look it up. Howard said that someone said it was there but they didn't really know. Howard said this guy says he was in Turkey and it's on two continents, Europe and Asia.
Howard said people love Jon Leiberman's new show. Howard said someone loved Jason Bateman on the show. Howard said people were saying they loved the Jewel interview. He read through a couple of those. One emailer said he cried while listening to the show. Another writer said that kids are a crap shoot and you never know what will end up happening with a kid.
Howard said a lot of people commented on Eric the Actor not going into the Homo Room. Howard read a few of those emails as well. Howard said someone wrote that Eric is afraid to go in there because he's afraid he might like it.
Howard read an email from someone who thanked him for recommending the album Four Way Street by Crosby, Stills and Nash. He said he may owe Doug an apology for his Fine Time show. Howard said one guy wrote in about that and said he was wrong about it being boring. Howard said only a mental patient would like that episode. Howard tried reading the email but it was very hard to understand. Howard asked Fred why he would show him that. Fred said he likes to show him those things unedited. Howard said he had a guy who agreed that it was boring. That guy wrote that the turkey being done comment was just dumb.
Howard said Benjy just sent him a note about Turkey being in the middle east. Benjy said that it's generally considered the Middle East. Robin said it's a Eurasian country. Gary said Will is getting upset and if you Google it then it's in the Middle East. Howard said he likes that Will is upset about it. Gary said that they do consider it a Middle Eastern country. Howard said that's it, conversation over.
Howard read some email about Kevin Bacon and his show The Following. The guy liked it a lot. Robin said she likes it and she's in. Howard read some more email about Jewel's appearance and turned it back over to Robin.
Robin read about Alex Rodriguez and how he may be tied to some banned substances. Robin read the details about that and said they're going to do an investigation. Robin said Alex is saying that he thinks the Yankees and the MLB are after him.
Howard asked Will where Cypress is. Will came in and said he asked the same question and he looked up the information about Turkey so fuck the guy in the email.
Howard took a call from John Bolaris who said that a big storm is heading in. Howard said he always gets him worked up. John said that they have some snow coming in Friday morning and then it could turn into snow overnight on Friday and they will get heavy snow on Long Island and Connecticut. He said they could get 4-6 inches of snow. Howard asked what his girlfriend is wearing. John said she's at work right now so he can't say. Howard said he likes to let him give the weather once in a while to keep him sharp.
Robin read about Lance Armstrong's doping and what's going on with that. Robin said they're looking into his possible tampering with witnesses. Howard said at least A-Rod keeps his mouth shut about that stuff. He said Lance can't keep his mouth shut. Robin asked how Fred feels about this. Robin said he's a big Yankees fan. Fred said he is a Yankee fan but he's never been a fan of A-Rods. He said he's all hat and no cattle. Howard asked where he came up with that. Fred said he pulled it out of his ass. Fred said he likes Derek Jeter. Howard asked Fred if he was on a boat that was sinking and he had to throw one off. He said it was between Stuttering John and A-Rod. Fred said he'd throw John off. He said he has nothing personal against A-Rod. He said he's never done anything to him.
Robin read about Manti Te'o and Lance Armstrong leading the list of most disliked sports stars. Robin had some details about that. Howard said he hates Te'o because of that apostrophe in his name.
Robin read about Lindsay Vaughn injuring herself in a spill. Robin mentioned that there were reports that Tiger Woods might be dating her. Howard said if he was Tiger Woods he'd be at the hospital and trying to repair his image. Howard said that's a perfect time to do it. Robin said she broke her leg and tore a couple of ligaments. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Sue Paterno being booked with Katie Couric. Howard said he wants to know who her booking agent is. He said she gets a lot of people on that show. Howard had some audio of Katie talking to Robert De Niro and he breaks down crying. Howard said it's not even clear why. Howard said Katie talks while he's crying and you don't do that. Howard said you just sit back and let him cry. Howard said he needs a TV talk show. He said he'd clean up if he did. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about the shitty movies De Niro has been making lately.
Howard took a call from Taylor Swift (Sour Shoes) who called in to sing a song. Sour did that voice and his Gary impression too. Howard said he thinks that was an imposter.
Robin read about the woman who was killed in Turkey and how she met up with some criminals out there. Robin said she flew to Amsterdam and then Munich and then to Istanbul later in the month. Robin said that they're looking into possible drug trafficking. Robin said they may not be getting the full story about her yet. Robin said that they said she was a photographer but she only had pictures on her iPad and Android phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he would like to see Macklemore and Ryan in the studio. Howard said he really doesn't know this song. He said he only knows the first 15 seconds. Robin asked if he wanted to play more. Howard said no. He said he can kind of get into the song if he's dancing with his woman. The caller said they have to check out the video. He said he's talking about shopping at a thrift shop and it's a lot like Howard's Silver Nickels song. He said he might want to get them in there with the Losers. Howard said he doesn't know what this guy is getting at. Howard said they took the number 1 spot from Bruno Mars. He quickly played the rest of the top 5 songs. Howard went into another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a federal corrections officer who tried to cover up an affair with a cop killer inmate at a prison. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that case. Robin said the officer could end up spending time in jail herself over this.
Robin read a story about internet theft and how thieves are after everything they can get. Robin had some audio of an expert talking about that.
Howard asked Benjy if he's tweeting during the show. Benjy said Elisa has his password. Benjy said he thought Howard had people doing it for him. Howard said he never lets anyone do that. Benjy said he doesn't think she was trying to trick anyone. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said even that explanation was crazy. He can't just explain it correctly. Howard asked why he would want a girl tweeting out pictures of herself on his account. Benjy said he'll tell her to stop.
Ralph thanked Robin for the tip on Vine. He said he didn't know there was porn on it. He told Howard that The Following is great and The Walking Dead is back this weekend. He said they have the guy who plays The Governor on the Walking Dead coming up on GEEKTIME on Friday.
Benjy told Howard that Elisa retweeted something from her own account. Howard said that JD told him that it was Benjy who tweeted. Benjy said it wasn't him. Howard said he doesn't care. Ralph told Howard that he got some Shari's Berries recently and they're great.
Howard asked Robin if she had anymore. Robin said that she has an update on the boy who was held hostage by that guy in Alabama. Robin said he had a birthday yesterday. He just turned 6. Robin said he's doing okay so far. Howard asked how they know he's doing okay. Howard said the kid was dragged into a hole in the ground after seeing his bus driver shot. Howard said he's all fucked up from his dad yelling at him.
Robin said she has audio of a guy possibly admitting to his sister that he shot Chris Kyle. Robin had audio of the 9-1-1 call from the sister.
Robin said that Justin Bieber wants people to know that he's not a bad driver. Robin had some audio of Justin talking about why he gets pulled over for the dark tint on his windows. Fred played Tracey Millman saying ''Douche'' while that clip was playing. Robin had another clip of Justin talking about how he wasn't made but discovered on YouTube. Howard said he sounds like he's trying not to slip into that fake black accent. He said that he used to do that when he was living in Roosevelt. Howard said he did that to fit in. Howard said he's not sure what his parents were thinking leaving him there to rot. JD had come in and he was cracking up at that comment. Howard asked why he's laughing at him. JD was in to tell him where a Justin Bieber clip was. Howard played the clip and it was Justin rapping. Howard said he's trying to be black and it's not working. Howard said he wants to be black so bad. Howard told JD that The Soup has 14 guys doing his job. JD didn't have much to say about that. Howard said he can't take a compliment. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary asked JD what his go-to show is. JD said it has changed. He said he looks toward the internet first. He said everyone posts stuff there. JD said he didn't want to give out the sites he checks first. He said he likes the show Cheaters and Tyra Banks too. JD said funny is funny so if he sees something on Kimmel or The Soup he'll pull it.
Gary asked JD when he gets to work. JD said it's 12:30 or 1 in the morning. He said he checks out about 50 web sites in the morning. Then he'll pull clips about Manti Te'o or things like that right now. Gary asked JD what's left in broadcast TV for him to watch every week. JD said he records every freaking show. He said there aren't a lot of good guests on the talk shows. Gary asked what guest always says something stupid when they're on a show. JD thought for a minute and said Paris Hilton for sure. He said it all depends. He said it's all varied.
Gary asked JD what he would say is his best hidden discovery. JD said there are two. He said one is the COPS tazer clip. He said he pulled that out of a lark. Jon said JD is a big COPS fan. JD said they haven't been that crazy lately. JD said the other clip was one he saw at someone's house. He was watching Good Day L.A. when it was national. He said Steve was reading a 9/11 letter and Dorothy Lucy stops him to say that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez broke up.
Gary said one good clip was a Paris Hilton clip where she introduced her new catch phrase of ''That's Huuuuuuge.''
Jon asked JD if he thinks he does a good job. JD said that he's hard on himself so he's going to say no. He said he tries to pull what's best for the show but some stuff gets lost in the shuffle. He said he thinks he could do better.
Gary asked JD if he can watch a show and just skim through the show. JD said he can't do that at work. He said when he's at work he can't but he can do that at home. JD said he might fast forward through Girls to see if Allison Williams is doing anything. Gary said he'll like the episode before last. JD said he wishes he could say something to a girl to make her masturbate. He said that's one of the few dreams he has in his life.
JD said he's given up on love. Jon asked what he meant by that. JD said he already said too much to Lisa G about that. JD said he revealed some things to her about some recent things that went on with a girl he was interested in. JD said he found photos of her marriage from a few months ago. He said it's a long story he didn't want to get into. JD said he can't get the images out of his head and that's a whole other thing. Gary said he loves JD. Jon said he's the best.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that any Stern Fan would want his job. He said it amazes him that he gets in at 1 in the morning. He asked how he sleeps. JD said he sleeps during the day for a few hours. He said it's like that Monday to Wednesday. Jon said he might be the hardest working person there. JD said it's not hard work. He said he watches TV and internet all day. Jon said there is more to it than that though. He has the sensibility to pull the right clips. Gary said JD has a job he takes very seriously.
Gary and Jon talked about the Saturday mail delivery being discontinued. Gary said he thinks that they could still run it but they won't do it because it's been run so poorly for so long. He said they should declare bankruptcy and just start over again. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Joel was talking about how Jimmy Kimmel treats a lot of people like he treats Howard. Gary said that maybe Howard is just in the rotation. Jon said that he's been a fan of Howard's for a long time but maybe he's in that rotation.
Jon said that Talk Soup ended up being a great launching pad for a bunch of people. He said that Joel did it and parlayed it into a stand-up career and his success on Community. Gary said he loves Talk Soup and hearing their snarky commentary on that show. Jon asked if he was surprised that they have 14 people watching TV to find those clips. Gary said you have to watch every show to capture that stuff.
Jon said Joel is starring on Community and it's coming back tomorrow night. He said he didn't know about all of that Chevy Chase stuff. He asked if Chevy ever wanted to be there. Gary said it didn't sound like he did after today's show. Gary said he has to get Chevy on the phone and get him back there.
Gary told Jon that he recently watched the Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor word association sketch from years ago. He said that was a great thing that still stands up today. He said his son Lucas watched it with him and he was shocked that they could go as far as they did.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Chevy Chase speech and how it would have been great if he had done it to sabotage the wedding. Jon said that's not what he was going for. The caller also said the post office can't declare bankruptcy. He said they can't go out of business like that. Gary said he sort of knew that. He said they can't go out of business until the whole government goes out of business.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is just agreeing with Howard about the mail thing. He said he's supposed to be the Techno Beaver and he should have electronic billing. Gary said he has an explanation for that and he can't do that. Gary said he does agree with Howard. He said he wasn't just trying to be on his good side.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Chevy Chase thing was messed up. He said JD is doing a good job too. Gary thanked the guy for the call. Gary said he had two good points and he didn't know he didn't have anything else to say. Jon said he was going to say he was shocked that Chevy and Joel were actually punching each other on the set of the show.
Jon said that Joel was talking about how Chevy was a ''movie guy'' and he was on TV and upset about it. Gary said that it doesn't matter where it is. He said there are great actors on TV but they don't say they're TV stars. He said that it's just a great performance. He said it's like that with Bryan Cranston. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard was a tough judge. He said that he didn't give Toni Colburn to the one person who got close. Gary said he did know Howard's wedding day.
Jon asked if Howard remembers any of that stuff. Gary said he doesn't. Gary said he doesn't think he's embarrassed by that either.
Jon asked if the IQ question at the end would have been too vague. Gary said he got that one in the office. He said it was Sal with 102. Jon said Howard didn't think it was clear enough.
Jon asked Gary which ones he missed. Gary said he couldn't remember Jeff's last name. He said he got most of them though.
Jon said all of the contestants were worthy but RJ kind of psyched himself out. He said he was in it until almost the end of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to provide some clarity on what's going on with the post office. He said they have a unique burden that most businesses don't have. He said they have to have all of the cash they need to pay out to all of their pensions, right now. He said that's an act of congress that happened 7-8 years ago. He said that it's not from mismanagement. Gary said that it is mismanagement in a way. He said giving these huge pensions without saying we need to retool the business is why they're in that bad place.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Chevy Chase blows. He also said he wants to talk about Benjy and Elisa and if they can get rid of both of them. Jon said Howard was just trying to make the point about why he thinks Benjy would defend Elisa. Benjy took offense to that and tried to explain it. He said Howard tried to do a nice thing but he ended up wanting to strangle him again.
Gary said he got a note about Elisa and Benjy this weekend and he thought that Elisa was being genuine and she was really upset. He thinks that whole thing was real. Jon said that Benjy didn't step in and didn't go overboard with it. Gary said he blames Benjy for not telling her what she's getting into. He said he doesn't think that Benjy should have gotten more vocal on the air. That wasn't his place to do that.
Jon asked Gary if he's ever had a situation like that with his wife. Gary said he hasn't done an on air apology. He said he met a girl once at NBC and she came to meet him at work at WNBC. He said Howard would put them on the air sometimes and that would fuck things up for him. He said the next day he told Howard he went out with this girl and Howard thought she was so ugly that he didn't bring her up there. Gary said that led to Fred playing dog barking sounds and the girl heard it and go so upset. Gary said she was so humiliated but she got over it.
Jon said Howard started the show playing Richard Simmons' song for the troops and he's the best. Gary said he's going to have dinner with him next time he's in town. He said he's a good person and he wants to take his wife and son out with him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he missed Gary at the premiere at Burnett's movie. He said he was in the movie actually. The caller said he was rooting for Mark in the Super Fan game. He said that he feels that the black fans are pushed to the side. He said he's glad that the women are represented though. Gary asked if this is Brian from The Wire. Brian said it is, it's Brian Wilson. Gary said Brian was in a contest. Brian said it's not for him. He said it's just black people in general. Gary said they are thought of. He said they take the people who answer the questions and he's not sure how many black people applied. Brian said he knows.
Gary asked how he thinks he would have done. Brian said he would have been third and beat RJ. He said that the girl was amazing. He said he blanked out on a few.
Gary asked Brian what movie he was in that he just saw him in. Brian said he was in Silver Linings Playbook. Gary said he saw him in that. Brian said he was also in Limitless. He asked to be put on hold so he could invite Jon and Gary to something. They put him on hold and wrapped up the show. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard's Tribute To Sal And Richard's Prank Calls. 02/07/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about the fun they were having already just 2 minutes into the show. He said he promised to play the phony phone call that Richard made where he sped up his voice so that's what he did right away. After playing the call he said that Richard and Sal were prank calling a tele-psychic who put a curse on them the last time they called. Now they take people's phone numbers when they call the show but that didn't stop Richard and Sal. The guy ended up giving out their phone number on the air but they didn't care about that. They've only gotten about 3 phone calls because of that.
Howard played that phone call where they call Morris and he recognizes Richard. Richard asks when his balls are go... and gets cut off. Howard said that was one of the first calls they took on the show. They hung up on him immediately. Sal then called in and got cut off immediately. Morris, the host, said that maybe they have their phone numbers to give out. He takes another call which is an intern who gets through for a few seconds until Sal gets on and screams out that Grandma Caprio has a beer bottle stuck in her pussy. Morris threatens to give out their phone number. Then they take another call but hang up on the woman before she can get out her joke. Morris then says he wants to give out their number. He reads it off and asks them how they like that. He tells his fans to call that number at all times of the day. Howard said there were only 3 people who called so it didn't do much of anything.
Howard played another call where Richard called a show and told the host that he's had a change in his life recently. He discovered he can lick his own asshole. They hang up on him immediately of course. The host says that he may just have to drop this stuff and stop taking phone calls. Howard said that when these guys make phony phone calls they have people running around like crazy to make the calls happen.
Billy Bob Thornton Comes In. 2/7/97. 7:15am
Who the hell is Billy Bob Thornton? Howard watched a movie recently called Sling Blade or something like that. The movie was made with a $1 million budget but it was great according to him. Billy Bob is the writer, director and star of the movie. Howard was very impressed with the movie so Billy Bob was invited in to the studio. Billy Bob plays a retard in the movie and Howard was amazed with his performance. He also said that he was amazed by John Ritter's acting job. He said that he didn't recognize John for the first 5 minutes of his performance. Howard gave the movie an ''enthusiastic thumbs up''. It also stars Dwight Yokum and Robert Duvall. It might be kind of hard to find the movie playing near you but if you get a chance Howard highly recommends it.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Ralph had dressed Gary up in a bathing suit and robe that made him look really odd. Gary said he went to Ralph and said he's really fat so he asked for some ideas. Gary said Ralph told him to wear a robe. Gary said he did a Hugh Hefner kind of thing. He said Ralph got him like 12 outfits to wear. Howard said a red robe might have been good. He said that the stripes looked really weird. Gary said he had just gotten his hair cut the day before so that looked a little odd too.
Howard said they had some announcers down there and they would cut to Gary once in a while. Gary said they cut to him the way the script said they were supposed to.
Ralph said he might have the robe there. Howard asked if Gary had a rubber band around his sunglasses. Gary said he didn't. Robin said it looked like he did. Jackie said his hair cut looked really weird. Howard said they make him look like an ape. That's what the air looks like back there. Howard said you have to see the back of his head.
Ralph brought in the robe. Howard said if he takes his shirt off and wears the robe it's not so bad. Gary said Ralph overlooked the hair cut too. Ralph said he couldn't stand there the whole time. Howard said Gary has a giant Rosie O'Donnell head now. He has to lose some weight.
Howard had some audio from this event Gary was at. They mentioned that Gary was from the Howard Stern show and Howard said he hates when they do that. Howard said he doesn't want his guys out there doing this kind of stuff. He said he doesn't want to be a dick but he has to stop doing it.
Gary said he would rather have Howard say no to him and he wouldn't do these things. Howard said he thinks that they should know enough not to do it. He said he could be like the Godfather. Howard went into his Marlon Brando impression and did his Godfather thing. He explained to Gary that he doesn't want to be the one who has to make that decision for him. He said Gary must know himself.
Howard said he feels funny saying no to these guys. He said he can't tell a guy not to do a TV show. He said Gary asked to do this pay-per-view and he knew that he would look stupid. He said that the audience buys into it and then they see Gary looking dumb. Gary said they had other people there. Robin said that they announced Gary as Boy Gary and that's a character. Howard said he could be Gary Dell'Abate from Uniondale. Howard said they end up mentioning Howard Stern on the show and that's what he's upset about. Gary said it won't happen again. Howard was sure that it would.
Howard played more audio from the pay-per-view and Gary spoke to one of the girls there. She was very annoying to Howard and the guys. Gary said she was very nice.
Ralph said if Gary was more selective about what he did he'd probably get more money and better gigs. Gary said he has turned down some things. Gary said he gets pretty good money for these things. Howard asked if it's over 2 grand. Gary said yes. Ralph asked if it's over 4. Gary said it is. Ralph said he can't blame him then.
Gary said he turned down a club in the city for a New Year's Eve party. He said they wanted him to put on a gorilla suit and climb to the top of a miniature Empire State building. He said he had another offer to go up and sign some autographs but then they asked him to put on a monkey mask and sing ''Do the Baba Booey.'' He said that's about as bad as it gets. Jackie said American Express will call one day to do a commercial and they'll end up asking him to put on a monkey suit.
Howard said his point is that people are going to think that he sucks for doing stuff like this. He said he's told Gary he's left it up to him to decide. Gary said he understands where he's coming from. Howard said Gary is into Post-Its and that's fine. He said it's annoying that he's into them but if that's how he gets his job done that's fine. Steve Grillo came in and said that he yells at people if they do something to mess with his Post-Its. Gary said that he is anal about the Post-Its being in the right position. He said he hates when they take notes on the back where the sticky part is.
Robin said Gary has the Post-Its lined up and when he's done with something he takes them from one side and puts them on the other.
Howard said he walks in on Gary had he has like 87 Post-Its on his desk. He said they're really messages to Howard, not to Gary. He said they're calling his business and some of them are kind of confidential. He said Gary's door is open 24/7 so anyone can come in and see them. Howard said he saw one message from a record company guy and the message was on Gary's desk from this guy. He said that means this guy is reading his personal messages that are left on Gary's desk. He said he asked Gary where the confidentiality is. Gary said he doesn't think his door should be open all the time. Howard said the first thing he does when he gets there is go read Gary's desk because it's interesting. Robin said she does the same thing. Howard said everyone does. Ralph said he does it. Howard said this is his personal business that everyone is reading.
Howard said he could have an intern take a message and put them in a sealed envelope. Howard said he should be doing that and he should come up with those ideas on his own. Gary said his door is locked at 5 in the afternoon. Howard said the door is open first thing in the morning. Gary said he assumes that people are honest but he might be wrong. Howard said he is wrong. Gary said he's never read anything upside down on Tom's desk. They went to break a short time later.
Mammary Lane: Scott The Smoking DJ - February 7, 1996. 08/29/12. 6:45am
Next up on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment from 1996 (Or 1999... Jon said it was 1999, the PDT said 1996) when Howard and Fred goofed on Scott the Engineer. This was also played in a 2007 Mammary Lane show so here's the rundown from that day:
Goofing On Scott The Engineer. 08/28/07. 7:55am
Next up was a clip where Howard and the guys were doing impressions of the kind of replacements they could have for Scott the Engineer. Jon said this clip was from February 7, 1999 but that was a Sunday. I don't know the correct date.
In the clip Howard and the guys were doing their Scott the Engineer impressions and goofing on his ''Chhhh'' sound that he makes when he talks. Howard said that K-Rock was looking for people to audition for DJ jobs there at the station and Howard wanted Scott to send in a tape. Howard also said that Elephant Boy should send in a clip as well.
Howard gave Scott some advice on what he could do for his audition tape and goofed on him for a few minutes. He told Scott he could do some cigarette stuff and have people tapping their packs together and stuff like that. He pretended to be Scott taking a phone call and taking requests. He said it would be the world's most dull show.
Everyone got in on the goofing. They were giving names of bands like Scott's Addiction, Alice in Chain-smoking and things like that. They were also making fun of that noise Scott makes when he talks. Howard wrapped up a short time later.
Stern Show In Las Vegas Day 2. 2/7/02. 8-9am
Howard killed some time talking about various things before taking a call from Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold called in to promote his new movie ''Collateral Damage'' which opens this Friday. Howard and Robin were arguing about whether or not Arnold should make ''Terminator 3'' without director James Cameron. Robin doesn't think it's going to be good but Howard said he'd rather have the chance at a bad ''Terminator 3'' than none at all. Arnold claims he's not doing it because of money. He thinks that it will be a good one and that's why he's going to do it. Howard also spoke to Arnold about how people are trying to shut down ''Collateral Damage'' because it's a terrorist movie and it's too close to the September 11th attacks. Arnold thinks that the guy who is protesting the movie just wants publicity. Arnold said he's doing much better since his motorcycle accident a couple of months ago. He said he'll be riding one in the new ''Terminator 3'' movie so he has to get right back on and go for a ride.
Chris Plays Stump The Booey. 02/07/05. 8:25am
Howard said that the girl who is going to get naked during ''Stump the Booey'' is supposed to be smokin' hot. He quickly mentioned that and then brought up Joey Buttafuoco who was supposed to be in a Saturday Night Live bit with Paris Hilton but she freaked out at the last minute and didn't want to do it. Howard also said that Mark Harris would be coming in to talk about a war he thinks he's having with Howard.
Howard had the Stump the Booey contestant come in. He spent a minute talking to the girl who would be getting naked if the guy loses against Gary. Naomi is a pastry chef and Howard sounded surprised that she'd be willing to get naked. She's 5'2'' tall and weighs 110 pounds. She said that she only tastes her food, she doesn't eat it, that's how she stays thin. Howard said she had a nice, flat belly. Howard wondered if she's ever made it with a chick. Naomi said she has and told Howard that her husband has been involved a couple of times. She said that she's a bartender as well so that's how she picks up chicks. The last time she did it was about a year ago. She said she lets her husband do the other chicks and doesn't mind it. Howard was asking her questions about the lesbian stuff and Artie was asking her questions about pastries. Howard asked her how she picked up the other chick and got distracted by her breasts because she wasn't wearing a bra. Naomi told Howard that the other woman she picked up last year was wearing a tight, white t-shirt and she's all about that. She said that the other woman kind of approached them and they ended up going back to her place. Howard had to slow Naomi down as she was telling the story because she was glancing over all of the details. Howard wanted to know who made the first move. She told Howard that the other girl was commenting on her flat stomach and that led to her taking off her sweater. It took off from there. She said that she was the one doing the other chick while her husband just hung out.
Howard spoke to Chris who was going to be taking on Gary in Stump the Booey. Gary thought it was kind of funny that Artie and the other guys were staring at this hot chick. Chris knows this chick from hanging out at the same bar on Staten Island called The Burrito Bar. Howard read some notes about this guy and they said that he's really into Casey Kasem and he listens to him all the time. He said there are movies he hasn't seen because he listens to music so much. Howard asked Naomi about the first time she had a lesbian experience. She said that she was 17 but didn't get into the whole story right away.
Howard said that Napster.com was sponsoring today's Stump the Booey. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to Naomi's lesbian experience. She said she was actually in college at 17 and she hooked up with this other woman there. Howard questioned her about that and said that he was really horny after hearing about this stuff. He wanted more details but Naomi wasn't a very good story teller. Howard had her get behind the curtain they have in the studio. She has to be naked just in case Chris loses the game. That way they can just drop the curtain if he loses. Howard told Gary that he'd better win this game because he really wants to see this chick naked. Gary said he knows this guy is going to be tough because he does music therapy and works in a record store. Naomi was naked by this point and told the guys that she's totally shaved.
Howard played the songs and they each had to get the name of the song and the artist. Here are the songs and who got what right:
Who Wants To Be A Vaginal Millionaire. 2/7/00. 7:45am
Hank the dwarf came in and got his final question of: ''What famous director directed 'Beetlejuice' and 'Pee Wee's Playhouse'?'' Hank answered Rob Reiner and got it wrong. Captain Janks then prepared to play for his chance. As Howard asked him if he was ready he said ''Yes Regis.. I'm ready'' and Hank had no clue why he made the reference to Regis. Of course this whole Millionaire thing was brought about by the TV game show but Hank had no clue. Howard then got Annie to agree that if Hank could spell Regis Philbin she would use her hand on him. Hank was able to do it so he won the hand job.
Finally, Janks got his question: ''What year was it a decade ago?'' He got the answer correct with 1990. Then Gary came in to tell them that the winners would be going in order of winning so Janks would be last in the line up of 4. Janks didn't seem to thrilled about that.
Stern Show In Las Vegas Day 2. 2/7/02. 9-10am
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the head of the E! network, Mindy Herman, about the stupid news crawls that run under his show. Mindy said they're staying but Howard still wants them gone.
WWF Wrestler Stacy Keibler came in to let a fan get a chance to win a date with her. Howard spoke to her for a couple of minutes and then introduced the guys who wanted to win the date. Here they are:
In the clip Robin read a story in the news about a Cardinal in Washington DC who had to let a few priests go because they had been accused of molesting some young boys. Howard said that Ralph has a molestation story. Robin went through the story and told Howard about what went on with those priests. Robin had the priests names and gave a detailed rundown of what was happening with this one kid and the priests.
Gary said Ralph is on the phone and he was an altar boy when this took place. Howard picked up on Ralph and he said he wasn't an altar boy. He said he went to catholic school and he was supposed to go fishing. He said it was a priest who did guidance counseling. Ralph said his mom dropped him off the night before at this guy's house so he could leave early the next morning. Ralph said it was him, one other kid and the priest. Ralph said he was in like 6th or 7th grade at the time. Howard said he was way too old.
Ralph told Howard within 15 minutes of being there on the camping trip the priest opens up a drawer of Penthouse and Hustler magazines. Then he starts taking out devices with batteries and wires. Howard said it's no wonder he's a homo. Howard said everyone apologizes. Howard said he never told him this before. Ralph said he didn't get into it with this guy. He said he figured they were hand massagers or something. Ralph said he got uncomfortable and he wasn't even into that stuff at that age.
Ralph said it was time to go to bed and he goes to the bedroom and the priest has a bed that takes up the entire room. He said the guy told him he could sleep in the bed with him and the other boy or he could sleep on the floor. Ralph said he picked the floor. Ralph said he went to sleep on the floor and he could hear what was going on in the bed. He said he heard moaning within 15 minutes of going to bed. He said the bed was squeaking while that was going on too.
Howard asked if the kid said anything to him. Ralph said he just ignored it and never did it again. Howard asked when his tooth started rotting in the front. Ralph said that's what happened to it. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard and the guys had more questions for Ralph so they got him on the phone again. They asked how long this trip was. Ralph said it was just the day after and nothing else was going on. He said it wasn't night time so nothing else was going on. Ralph said he never told his mother what happened. He said he just told her he didn't want to go on the trip again. Howard ended up hanging up on Ralph. They went to break a short time later.
Robin Out Sick Today. 2/7/00. 6:05am
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time this morning and one of the calls was from a guy who was having sex with his ex-girlfriend and a buddy of his. The guy called in on speaker phone so Howard could hear them all. The woman just laughed half the time while the guy told Howard about the sex. Howard thinks that's kind of gay when two guys share a woman. Jackie then shared his story of sharing a woman with another guy at the same time. Gary told Howard he just thinks it's gay because he's never had a friend that close to share a woman with. Even Benjy came in and said he's read that sharing a woman is just a substitute for homosexual sex.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:35am.