|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how you'd think in this day and age that they could build a train that wouldn't derail. Howard said there was one over the weekend there. Howard said it should be idiot proof. Howard said you should never read about a train derailment. It doesn't seem possible. Robin said that their train system is old and dilapidated. Howard asked if the Japanese have train derailments. Robin said she doesn't hear much about them over there and in Europe.
Howard said he was reading the obituary for Paul Walker who died in a car crash over the weekend. Howard said that he'd never get in a car with a race car driver. He said he has no want to go fast. Howard said that he heard the guy was complaining that his car wasn't working properly and then they end up with the car wrapped around a pole. Robin said a lot of fans were gathered at the site of the accident.
Howard said he heard about someone who got out of their car there. Gary said it was Tyrese who was in the movie with Paul. Howard said that the guy showed up and there were tons of people there. He said he was crying and he got out of his car. Howard said he wouldn't get out of his car if he saw all of those people there. Howard said he wouldn't make a public display of his emotion. Howard said he gets hung up on the details of these things.
Robin said they were talking about how they were making Fast and Furious 7 and now she's wondering if that franchise can go on. Howard said they sure can. Howard said they wrote up the obituary and they were giving the guy some cold shit. Howard said they were putting in there how bad he was at acting in the early movies he was in. Howard said he can't sit through those movies. Howard said he saw the first one but he can't get through the second one. Robin said she can't talk about that. She said that the other movies he made were even worse.
Howard read more about some of the roles Paul had. Howard said that he was in a bunch of movies and a couple were okay. Howard said he liked Varsity Blues.
Howard said he feels bad for the guy. He said his obituary was very weird. He said that guy beat the odds and got into a movie franchise that was a hit. Howard said Paul stuck with the movie even when Vin Diesel walked away from it. Howard said the guy never looked a gift horse in the mouth. Howard said that guy was willing to do Fast and Furious 50.
Howard said that's the kind of stuff Eric tweets. Howard said someone will write that he's going to be in the movie and Eric will argue with the guy calling him a dumb, fucking cunt. Howard said that you have to hear some of these tweets he has written.
Howard said that someone wrote that they heard Eric was going to kill Christmas. Howard said instead of ignoring it Eric has to respond. Howard said Eric wrote him back in all caps and told him to get a life and said he has no plans of killing Christmas anywhere. Howard said then this guy writes that Eric was out skiing and you know Eric isn't skiing. Howard said Eric wrote him back and called him a ''dumb-fuck'' and said he has never skied. Howard said these are the greatest tweets ever.
Howard said someone wrote that Eric sells Mary Kay cosmetics. Eric responded saying he's never sold any women's products and called the person a dumb fuck. Howard said it drive Eric mad when these people write this stuff.
Howard asked Eric why he cares. Eric said he hates this stuff being said about him. Howard said that Gonzo drives him nuts with the comments he makes. Howard said Eric gets mad at people calling him a vegan. Howard said he writes that he will eat as much meat as he can when he gets a comment like that.
Howard said that Eric was responding to someone about banging whores at the Bunny Ranch. He said that he has banged them but he has never shit on the lawn anywhere. Howard asked Eric how these people get through to him if he's blocked them. Eric said Twitter has a malfunction that lets those idiots get through to him. He said that they can still tweet to him. Howard said they must be twitter geniuses.
Howard asked Eric why he responds to this stuff. He said that no one really believes that he's going to stop Christmas. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard said there's a guy who wrote that Eric is a liar and he didn't 69 with Airforce Amy. Eric argues with the guy about that and tells him to fuck off. Howard said Eric was denouncing the fake Fred Norris account. Then the fake Fred started tweeting him.
Howard asked why he follows Bank of America. Eric said that's the bank he has an account with. Howard asked if he follows to see if they have any deals or something. Eric said that's the reason. Howard asked if any good deals have come up. Eric said he didn't know.
Howard said he loves when Sal and Richard take Eric's tweets and make phony phone calls with them. He played a call where he was reading Eric's tweets and had him talking to a guy on the phone about all of these strange things. The guy stayed on the phone for a few minutes arguing with the audio clips of Howard.
Howard said he can't believe that guy stayed on the phone that long. Howard said that has to be the loneliest guy on the planet.
Howard said it would be so great if he could get Bank of America to writ to Eric about destroying America. Howard said he has to get going. Eric said he has to give an update on something. His phone was cutting out and Howard was cracking up at the whole thing. Howard thanked him for the update and then said he has no idea what he said. Howard said he had the time to say what he had to say but his phone kept fucking up.
Howard picked up on this guy Gonzo who writes to Eric all the time on Twitter. Gonzo said that he and Eric get into it all the time on Twitter. He said he's just trying to verify things he's heard on the internet. Howard asked Gary to get Eric back on the phone. He wanted the two of them to talk about all of this. Howard said Gonzo wrote to Eric and told him that he was gluten free and he had a cookbook and Eric couldn't even blow that off and leave it alone. Howard said it's ridiculous.
Howard got Eric back on the phone and said he tracked down Gonzo. Eric said ''Hey dumb fuck...'' Howard asked Gonzo to tell them about the plot Eric has to destroy Christmas for Sacramento. Gonzo said that there are three cities he heard he was going to kill Christmas in. He said he just heard about it and it wasn't his idea. He said that he was just reporting the rumors. Eric told him to grow the fuck up. He said that they don't report that shit on Good Day L.A. Gonzo said that's what he heard on the internet. He said he heard he was second cousins with Naomi Campbell too.
Gonzo said that Eric also has a vegan cookbook. Eric said he does not. He said he has a book but that hasn't been published yet. Howard said that Dougie the Puggie must be a vegan. Eric said a canine is not vegan. Howard said that sound pretty good to him. Howard asked if there was a book about Dougie trying to destroy Christmas. Gonzo said he didn't hear that.
Howard asked Gonzo about Eric being missing in the Congo. Eric said that maybe he's not the only Eric Lynch who acts. He said maybe these rumors he's hearing are about other people. He told him to think logical.
Howard said he thinks that Gonzo is just trying to clear things up. Howard asked how he gets back to following Eric's account. Gonzo said that he tweeted him one day and he just saw he was following him again. He said it came out of nowhere. He said he thinks that he made his account not private.
Howard said it sounds like Eric is bullying him. Gonzo said that he's a fan of Eric's and he likes interacting with him.
Howard asked if Gonzo is going to file a complaint against Eric. Gonzo said he won't do that. He said he likes the guy.
Howard thanked the two of them for calling in and clearing that stuff up. Howard let them go. Robin asked if ''dumb fuck'' is a term of endearment. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has so much to get to today. Howard said a lot of people are on the phone and he has to get to that over the next 4 hours. Howard said Sirius insists on putting commercials in their show. Howard went to break after that.
JD said that they must have paid for her treatment because they showed her going into it at the end of the show. Howard said that Dr. Phil says he wants to help her and he makes her look crazier and crazier. Howard said they say they're going to put her in some facility and that's what they do. JD said she was making a lot of accusations about her husband. JD said she showed up at his house with a bullet proof vest and a bunch of weapons on her. Howard said she was really hot. JD said she was accused of killing a guy. He said he should have tape but not until tomorrow.
Howard said he wants to know if there is a guy out there who has happily married a stripper. JD said maybe Ice T. Howard said Ice T had a band called Body Count and they did a cover of a Jimi Hendrix song that was really good.
Robin said she watched a documentary about Jimi and it was really sad. She said that he was such a talent. Howard said that he was listening to this Body Count thing and he didn't know that Ice T was into that heavy metal stuff. Howard asked Fred to find the song but he wasn't having much luck in their system. He had to go on YouTube to find it. Howard had him play it and said it's fun to hear them do it. Howard said the band is kick ass.
Howard let the song play a little bit and said that's pretty good. Robin said it's not as good as the original. Howard said he listened to it over the whole weekend. Howard said they did the song for a movie and it was kind of obscure. Howard said that Billy Squire did a song for the movie too. Howard said he likes this song. He asked if Ice T still performs with them. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Howard said he bought that Hum song ''Stars'' and listened to that about 57 times. Howard said he was looking up online to see what the meaning of the song is. He said there's a lot of theories about that. Howard said there is no definitive meaning. Howard said this song really fucks him up. He said he just thinks about what it means to him. Howard played ''Stars'' and said he loves that power chord part of the song. Howard said he has to get a guitar. He said he wants to be able to play that part. He told Fred he should do that.
Howard said that band was out on tour and they broke up after they were in an accident. Howard said they figured it was an omen or something. Robin asked what they're doing now. Howard said he really doesn't know. He joked that one guy was cleaning Bubba the Love Sponge's car on Sundays.
Howard said he wishes he had the lyrics printed out for the song. Robin said she saw a movie that she thinks Howard would like. Robin said it was called Contracted. Howard asked if it's about getting a disease. Robin said it's about a conflicted girl who is in love with a girl who is about to dump her and this weird guy gets into it. Howard said he will watch it if she's recommending it. Howard said he's in.
Gary came in and said that it was Howard's best appearance on that show. Howard said that Dave sent out his assistant to find out where he was going on vacation with Jimmy. Gary said Howard did that whole rap about how he and Dave could have been like him and Jimmy. Howard said that he and Dave have the same problems being out at parties and stuff. He said that he has the key for those guys. Howard said that you just have to learn these skills.
Howard said that Dave went off on Brad Grey and he thinks that he saw the freedom he had screaming about Jay Leno and he decided to try it himself. Howard said that when he mentioned Brad Grey Dave went off on the guy. Howard said he and Brad are friendly and this drove Dave nuts. He said that Dave was calling him a weasel. Howard said he asked Dave what he did to him and Dave said nothing. Gary said that Dave said he had never met the guy. Howard said he told Dave that the weird thing with him is that he doesn't have a lot of show business friends. He said that it's like people don't want him to have any friends in show business. He said they don't want him to have a life. They want him to sit at home and be angry with no friends. Robin said Howard wants some friends to show up when he dies in a car crash.
Howard said Dave was going off on Brad Grey and it was so vicious. Howard said Dave came up to him after the show and asked ''what just happened?'' He said that they spoke after the show when Dave called him asking what happened. Howard said it was like Dave became him and he became Dave. Howard said he got a note from Brad the next day and he said that he's a huge fan of Dave's. Howard said that Brad wasn't sure what went on there. He said it was like being in a drive by shooting. Howard said Brad doesn't even know the guy.
Howard said Dave's point was that any guy in a corporation like that has to be a weasel. Howard said that Paramount puts out like 13-15 movies a year and Brad has to pick the right ones. Howard said that's a lot of pressure on a guy. He said he never thought of Brad like a weasel.
Gary said Howard asked Dave if Les Moonves is a weasel and Dave said he is but not that bad of a weasel. Howard said none of it made sense. He said it was a crazy appearance. Howard said people were going crazy after the show. Howard said Dave went berserk.
Gary said that Dave also admitted that he put his mom on his show after hearing Howard doing that with his mom on his show. Howard said that Dave and his mom had a different kind of relationship though.
Gary said he was out in L.A. last week and he went out with Jimmy to dinner. Gary said Jimmy got a note about how he was going to be mentioned on David's show and Jimmy was blown away that he was being talked about by Dave and Howard and he never thought that would ever happen when he was growing up.
Howard said the appearance is great to watch. He said he had an agenda but they didn't stick with it. Howard said that the show was supposed to air on Wednesday night but they moved it. Howard said people asked if he was angry about being bumped. Howard said he wasn't bumped. He said they just asked him to switch places with Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said they had to move things around. Howard said he didn't give a crap about being moved around. Robin wondered why they give Jennifer the attention because those Hunger Games movies are awful.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked how his Thanksgiving was. Howard said it was good but they moved the day. Howard said he had his kids and a lot of other family there. Mike asked if they ever get out to Pittsburgh to see Beth's family. Howard said her family is kind of split up round the country. Howard said they don't really get out there.
Mike brought up the Brad Grey thing again and asked what was going on there. Howard said that he gets what Dave was getting at. He said there have been problems with management over the years and they try to stop the creativity. He said that's just the way they do things. Howard said they hire you to do a job in the morning and then the general manager gets jealous of you. He said that he knows what Dave means. He said he has also encountered management who are brilliant at their jobs. He said there are some that let you do your thing and still run a business.
Howard said not everyone is bad and not everyone is good. Howard said he gets what Dave was getting at but he took it out on the wrong guy. Howard said that appearance was great. He said he can't do that kind of thing with just anyone. He said it was a beautiful thing. Howard said he spoke to Dave on the phone afterward and he asked if he was going to edit anything out of that interview. He said Dave said he wouldn't. He said that he admires that he didn't edit it out.
Howard said he'll give Mike a sample. He said they asked Beet to fill in ''Barack _____.'' Howard asked Mike if he thinks he will know the answer. Mike said no way. Beet mumbled something about the president being Barack O but he never said his last name.
Howard said if he gets this one right he wins tickets. Mike said he wants 2 out of 3. Howard said they gave Beet ''____ Christ'' and Mike has to guess if he'll know the answer. Howard said it's possible he knows. Mike said he's going to say yes. Howard had Fred lock him in on the answer. Howard played Beet's answer and he did say ''Jesus.''
Howard said Mike has two more shots. He said that the next one was ''Batman and ____.'' Mike asked what Robin thinks. Robin said she thinks no. Howard said he would say no also. Howard said it's part of their lexicon though. Howard said he thinks that he's going to stick to no. Fred said Beet was born in 1968 according to the internet. He said that his middle name is Napoleon too. Howard said he is short like Napoleon. Fred said he doesn't think he reads the comics. Mike said he's going to go with Yes. Fred agreed that it's a good bet. Howard played the clip of Beet answering and his answer was ''What do you think I am? Fucking Superman?''
Howard played the next one which was ''Baba _____.'' Howard said they were looking for Booey but if he says O'Reilly he'll give him that too. Mike asked what they're thinking. Howard said he thinks that Beet knows it. Gary said that he does say it when he sees him. He said people may be telling him who he is though. He said that may not have any context. Mike said he thinks he'll know it. Howard played the answer and Beet said ''Baba Booey'' so Mike won the tickets. Howard told Mike to hold the line so they can get his information. They played Beet's ''This is Beetle'' song after that.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Beetle knows Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. Robin said no. Beet knew that one. Howard said they gave him a ''Rock and ____'' question. Robin said he won't know that. Beet didn't know that one.
Howard said that they gave him a Dunkin Donuts question. Beet didn't know that. He did know Sumo Wrestler. Howard played a bunch of the questions they gave Beet. Beet knew Sirius Satellite Radio. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he and Jon both have a GoPro now. Howard said that it's just a tiny camera that's lightweight and you can do time lapse photography and things like that with it. Howard said the thing doesn't even lose focus. Jon said you can see that 60 Minutes thing and see how cool it is.
Howard told Robin she should use the camera he got for her. Robin said she has that. She said Polaroid is back so she's using that.
Jon said he told his wife that he was getting one of these cameras and she wondered why he needed it since he's not active. Howard said it would be cool to put the camera on a dog or a cat and see what they do. Jon said he's going snorkeling and he's going to use it for that. He said that it's got a waterproof case that works really well. He said that you can control it with your iPhone and it's just really cool. Howard said you have to figure out how to put it all together. Howard said it's kind if intimidating.
Howard said that he has another example. Howard said that when Libya happened Clinton helped lay the groundwork for getting Muammar Gaddafi out of office. Howard said that she was an amazing Secretary of State. Howard said she also pushed to get more troops into Afghanistan when things were going so bad over there. Howard said she's done so many other things too. He said so many people get lazy but Clinton is a hard working doer. Howard said this isn't a political show so that's it for today. He said that was his two second lecture on Hillary Clinton.
Howard said most people he meets like to say shit about every politician being bad. Howard said that they're not all bad. Howard said some of them do a lot of good. Howard said there are some good ones out there. Howard said we don't have to be so jaded. Robin said they are mostly bad so we do need to be jaded.
Howard said that Wolverine movie that was out was actually very good. He said that he just saw it. Robin said it was out in the movies a long time ago. Howard said he hates it when they lose super powers. He said that used to drive him nuts when Superman would give up his powers. He said that Hugh Jackman is really in good shape. He said he's ripped. Howard said he had veins popping out of his shoulders. He said he's never seen that before.
Howard said he heard that the guy eats a ton of chicken and then eats a lot of sugar on the day of the shoot. Howard said they say that makes you very vascular. Howard said he thinks that's a bunch of bullshit but that's what he heard. Howard said the guy is jacked. Robin said he does keep it together. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard said he's just trying to get a flat stomach and he can't do that. Howard said he's the only one out there running and freezing his balls off. Howard said he is out there when the sun isn't even out. Howard said he runs in the dark so no one can see him.
Howard said he has to play some stuff and take some calls. Howard said Thanksgiving just occurred. Robin said Black Friday was on Friday and some people went crazy. Howard said you can watch endless tapes of people fighting on the internet. Howard said some woman started tasing people with a Taser. Howard said Ronnie went to his girlfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. Howard said he thinks that he's the same age as her parents. Howard said he wonders if he gets dressed up or wears a cut off shirt showing his tattoos. Howard said that the parents must think it's great their daughter is dating someone older but then he walks in with the tattoos and cut off shirts and wallet chain.
Ronnie came in and said that he never wore a wallet with a chain. Howard said he got one of those things and he doesn't have a wallet. He said he just chains it to his pocket. Howard asked if he's the same age as Stephanie's parents. Ronnie said he's around that age. Ronnie said he wore a regular shirt to Thanksgiving. He said everyone is laid back out there in Ohio. He said they went out shopping on Thanksgiving night too. He said they were out at 10 at night and came back at 4 in the morning. He said her mother got a TV for like $148. He said it was a 42 inch flat screen. Ronnie said they got a recliner chair for like $149. He said they got some deals and they didn't get killed.
Ronnie said they got stuck in a snow storm going out there. He said they drove because they had the dogs and the flights out there were ridiculous. Howard said that people pay to go see ultimate fighting but you can just go out on Black Friday and see the same thing. He said that you don't even need to pay to see it.
Howard said Benjy looks extra fat today. Howard asked if he stuffed himself on Thanksgiving. Benjy was going to answer but Howard said that he was reading about what you should eat. Howard said that you should have one plate and that's it. Benjy said he was at his girlfriend's mother's house and he filled her refrigerator with tons of lettuce. He said that's what he ate. He said he was running too. Howard said he still looks fat though. Benjy said that he knows. He said he knows how to lose weight. He said he'll be down to 180 by the time Howard's birthday party comes up. He said he's like 228 on his home scale.
Howard said Lady Gaga was on a Muppet special and people are getting after her for wearing a skimpy outfit. Howard said that the Muppets are completely naked though. He said that would get him to tune into the Muppets. Howard said he'd like to see a Jenna Jameson Muppet special. He said she could be nude in that. Howard said one of the puppets tried to feel up Lady Gaga.
Howard said he was looking at the mail and a lot of people liked Sarah Silverman on the show. Howard said some people thought he was pressing her on some of the stuff he was asking about. Howard said he had to find out because people want to know what she's up to.
Howard said Abe Kanan does a show for them and he's also in charge of Evil Dave when they have him on the show. Howard said they have to rehearse with Dave and they have to pick Dave up in strange places. Howard said he has to sneak out of his house and he demands potato chips and stuff like that. Howard said Abe was talking about this on his show and it's hysterical.
Howard played a clip from Abe's show where he was telling the story about where he had to meet Dave. Abe said he wanted him to pick him up at a library. Abe said he wanted him to come to the studio but Dave didn't want to pay the meters. Abe talked about how Dave showed up hours early and then came in and ate chips while they waited. Howard said he should have Abe on the show when Dave is on next time.
Howard said someone Baba Booey'd when some news reporter was reporting on the new Xbox. Howard played the clip and the reporter was out on the street doing his report when someone walked into the shot and said Baba Booey and Howard Stern's penis. Howard said there's a lot of Baba Booey but the Howard Stern's penis thing is forgotten about. They thought it was Joey Boots who did that but it turns out it wasn't Joey.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Ronnie was talking about a TV that was 148 bucks and how that's what that TV is wroth. He laughed and said it was probably a Vizio or a Daewoo TV. He said he was at the mall on Saturday and people were coming out of the mall with sound bars. He said that you can't buy a sound bar from Best Buy. He said you need a good one and they don't sell good ones at Best Buy.
Gary said King has a point. He said they do have lower grade stuff they have as ''Door Busters'' on Black Friday. Howard asked if the stores are happy about having a line around the block. Gary said one of the stores looked like downtown Danang because everyone was knocked over.
Gary said there were two Taser incidents and one of them was in Philly. He said she just reached into her pocket and pulled the Taser out. Howard said the woman was in a knockdown fight and she pulls out the Taser. Howard said she must be a genius. Howard said she should be a cop. He said it was like World War III breaking out. Howard said it's brilliant to bring a Taser with you. He said that woman must have known what she was in for.
King said that the people who were in the news at those stores all looked like they were from the same place. He said they're all white people and they all have on flannel shirts and ear muffs.
Howard said that Wolfie went out on Black Friday. Howard played a clip where you can hear people yelling ''Open up, open up!'' over and over again. Then you hear them scrambling for TVs and stuff in the store. People were yelling and telling other people to get back to the end of the line.
Howard said the TVs are the big thing. These people were yelling about getting TVs. Howard said this sounds like where he grew up and he has no desire to be out there.
King said that if you have a good TV you have to watch the movie ''The Croods'' on it. Howard didn't understand what he said. Howard tried to get him to explain it but he gave up after a couple of seconds. Howard said he had to go and hung up on King.
Howard played a clip of Evil Dave eating chips at the studio with Abe Kanan. Howard said they have to buy him bags and bags of chips.
Howard said they went out and asked people what they were in past lives. Howard played the clip and Sal and Richard were asking people what they were. One guy said he was a rabbit and he didn't have a lot of sex like you'd think. He said he was a family man rabbit. Howard said Sal isn't the only one who has fantasies about this stuff.
Howard played another one where a woman claimed she was a lion who only ate vegetables. Howard said Robin must like that one. Richard told the woman that Sal was a turtle and she didn't know what that was. They had to explain to her what a turtle was.
Howard said Sal was on the Wrap Up Show talking about his past lives and it was fascinating. Howard played the clip and Sal starts off saying ''I think...'' so Howard said that you know that it's going to be good when he starts off like that. Sal was saying that he doesn't know for sure that he was a turtle but that's what he saw when he was hypnotized. Jon asked him if he's sure there is reincarnation. Sal said that you do some research and deduce from that. Howard goofed on Sal about some of the things that he was saying.
Howard asked Sal to come in. He was talking about Mahatma Ghandi in one clip so he had him explain what he knows about the guy. Sal was comparing him to Jesus. Howard said that Ghandi wasn't a religious figure. He said he'd be better off comparing him to Martin Luther King. Howard said that he isn't a religious figure. Sal said okay. Gary asked Sal where India is. Sal said it's in India. Gary said that he changed his answer.
Howard said he was goofing on Sal about being into the Long Island Medium with his kids. He said it turns out his kids are into it. Sal said that Larry Caputo got his 143 tattoo. He said he'll text him the picture if he wants to see it. Howard kicked Sal out of the studio after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard Robin talking about that movie earlier. He said that movie is not good. Robin said she loved it. The caller said Rotten Tomatoes web site says it's not good. Robin said those reviews can't be trusted.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he saved his life by turning him on to Dr. Sarno. Howard said he wishes that more people would read his book ''The Mindbody Connection'' and ''Healing Back Pain.'' Howard said it really helped him. The caller said it really helped him and he was cured of his neck pain thanks to the book. Howard said the guy is a saint.
Robin said there is some confusion out there about Howard suffering from hemorrhoids. Howard said he had an anal fissure a long time ago but he doesn't over wipe now so he has no issues. Howard said he blew a hole in his ass by over wiping. Now he uses baby wipes and he's fine.
Howard said if you have hemorrhoids then you're pushing too hard. Howard said that you have to wait until your doody is on its way out. Howard said he flushes that doody right down as soon as it's out. Howard said he doesn't even look at it. He said it's just gone. He said he wants to try that Squatty Potty thing that Robin has. Robin said she uses that thing. Howard said he's starting to release his doody right now and he'll be ready to go at 5 tonight. Howard said he never pushes. Howard said you never hear him pushing or grunting.
Howard said he was reading about Alec Baldwin and he can't believe that people call him ''Alex.'' Howard said he's in the news so much that you'd think they'd know his name. Howard said he doesn't like people who know nothing about pop culture.
Robin said Howard won't know anyone on the American Music Awards. She told him to be careful talking about pop culture.
Howard said that Sydney Leathers is undergoing vaginal surgery and she's going to sell the excess skin. Howard said that's what he read somewhere. Robin said maybe she has big lips and she wants them made smaller. Howard said guys don't care how a vagina looks. Howard said they're better off with more of a vagina. Howard said they can make a second one out of that skin.
Howard said Sharon Osbourne announced she had that surgery too. Howard said that she said that it was very painful. Robin said of course it is. Howard said that guys don't care what a vagina is attached to. He said that they'll fuck anything. Howard said they'll fuck Casey Anthony or Jodi Arias. Howard said that they don't have to fix their vagina. Gary said Sydney Leathers wants to come on the show to auction off her extra skin.
Howard said that Charles Manson is getting married. Gary said that the woman is kind of cute too.
Howard said the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Howard said that the Knicks are blowing it lately. They've had 9 straight losses. Howard said that a lot of small towns don't have a lot of money so they can't buy great players. Howard said he doesn't get why they can't get good players there in New York.
Howard said he can't believe that a train derailed. He said that shouldn't happen in this day and age. Robin said this is the third one in that area in 6 months. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said they might need seat belts on trains. Howard said that's like people in the back of a limo who don't wear seat belts because they think they're safe back there. Robin said she never wears one in the back. Robin said she thinks it's funny when people are scrambling for a seat belt in a limo. Howard said Lady Di didn't have a seatbelt on. Howard said Robin won't eat rice but she won't wear a seatbelt in a limo. Robin said she'll think about wearing one then. She said she's not even sure where they are back there. Howard said she can find one. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to one of those live concerts that Jimi did. He said his family released the album after Jimi died. Howard got upset when Fred turned the volume down. Howard said that he ruined it for him.
Howard asked Fred how his Thanksgiving was. Fred said it was good. He said they went on a hike for like an hour and a half. Howard asked if he kid could handle that. Fred said she was fine. Howard said that he has tried walking with Fred and he can't keep up. He said he walks really fast. Howard said he'd be walking with Fred and he'd be like a block ahead. Howard said it's just so weird. Howard said he just walks away.
Howard said he knows other people like that but there are very few. Howard said he won't name who they are though.
Howard did the top 5 songs which included Avicii at number 5. Howard said One Republic is at number 4 and Miley Cyrus at number 3. He said he likes that she wears those skimpy outfits. Howard said number 2 was Eminem and Rhianna. Number 1 was Lorde with Royals. Howard said she is only 17 years old. She's just one of a couple whose debut hit number 1.
Robin said she doesn't understand this band One Direction. She said they were winning awards but she doesn't know any of their songs. Robin said their latest album debuted at number 1 in Britain but she has no idea what those songs are.
Howard said that Wolfie went out to the Fairy-Con and he has some of those clips to play. He said he has some other stuff he wants to get to as well. He said he has song parodies about Sal being a turtle. Howard said he has High Pitch Eric tongue twisters. He said they did that to get he phlegm thing going.
Howard said that there is a guy on the phone who says there are no seat belts on school busses. Howard picked up and the guy said that they don't require existing busses to have seat belts on them. Howard said that doesn't make sense. He said that busses do flip over.
Howard said that he has to play the clips of High Pitch Eric's tongue twisters. Howard said this is disgusting. Howard played the clip and they had Eric saying phrases like ''Clean clams crammed in clean cans'' to get his phlegmy voice to come up. Howard said you can't even tell what he's trying to say in that. Howard said it's very frustrating. Howard said he's trying to say ''Come kick six sticks quick.'' Howard played that one and Eric said that and his phlegm was all over the place. Howard asked what's brewing in that mouth.
Howard said he can't take it. He said he'd play just one more. in that one he was saying ''Crisp crust crackles crunchy.''
Howard said that Fred just played that Richard's Dad doing stuff with the rooster earlier. Howard said that he was talking about life on the farm and how Richard's mom tried shooting the rooster who was in the hen house doing something. Howard said that he doesn't think he could handle life on the farm.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad calling and telling him about how they're getting a new rooster because the rooster was fucking his aunt's chickens too much. Howard said he doesn't understand what the problem is. He said that you want more chickens so what's the problem. Robin said he must be over fucking the chickens.
Richard came in and said roosters will tear into the chickens and they pull out feathers and they get real raw on their necks. Howard asked how many times a day a rooster will want to fuck a chicken. Richard said he's not sure about that. He said it might be 5-10 times a day.
Howard said he was impressed with himself over the weekend. He said that he had sex one night and then the next morning he had to jerk off. Richard asked if he has a smaller load. Howard said Richard is a dude so he knows. He asked what kind of question that is.
Howard said that he read that Roosters can mate 10-30 times a day. Richard said they had a rooster that would try to fuck their cat. He said he would surprise them and hop on their backs. He said he doesn't think that he ever entered them but he did hop on their backs. Howard said he doesn't believe it. He said that he would think that the cat could get away. Richard said he swears it happened.
Howard said he could never live on the farm. He said he could never raise a chicken and then kill it and eat it. Richard said they used to raise pigs and they would sell them at the fair. He said all of the kids would be crying when their pigs were hauled off by the butcher's truck.
Howard said that he and Beth have been fostering kittens and they've saved like 50 cats. He said that Beth is still adopting them out. Howard said they did a fund raiser two Friday's ago. He said he had to get up and speak a little bit. He said he doesn't like doing that in front of people. He said he'd fine on radio but not being looked at. Howard said John Stamos can't wait to get on stage but that's because he looks good at any angle. Howard said he looked horrible on Letterman. He said he thinks he looked hideous. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said he runs and takes care of himself but he looks hideous. Howard said he hit the wall when he was like 13 or 14. He said he's been living with this ever since then.
Howard said they did this event and they want to raise enough money to build this cage free environment. Robin said that she loves the calendar and the picture of Beth licking the ice cream cone with the dog.
Howard said he has to thank the people who came out and did the fund raiser. He said Tom Cotter was there and so was Kid the Whiz. Howard said Natalie Maines came out to sing. Howard said she came from L.A. for just one night and she sings like an angel. Howard said she's out touring with the Dixie Chicks a little bit and doing her own thing too.
Howard said Rachel Ray came out and gave some money. He said that she's donating some of the proceeds from her dog food line. Howard named a bunch of people who showed up and donated. Howard said George Takei and Brad were there. Lisa Lampnelli was there. He said Eric Trump was there. Robin didn't know who that was. Howard said there's also a Tyrone Trump too.
Howard got back to Richard's dad and played a clip of him talking about getting two deer and saying that coon and rabbit are coming soon too. Howard said that Richard said they used to eat the racoon penis. Howard said he'd be afraid of eating a raccoon. Richard said the meat is kind of gamy and dark. He said you can make it into burgers or something and make it taste okay. Richard said it's best to not tell people what it is. He said that they'd bring it to parties and not tell anyone what it was.
Howard said Shuli went to the Christy's for Thanksgiving one year. Howard asked if he ate any of that crap. Shuli said they had Deer Chop and Frog Legs. He said that he did try it. He said he didn't want to be rude. He said the food was not good. Shuli said that Richard's dad took a bite out of something and said it was a little gamy. Shuli said of course it was. It was frog. Shuli said he ate some catfish. He said he has never dunked food in sauce as much as he did that night. Shuli said Richard's dad called him ''Stoolie'' the whole time he was out there. He said that he apparently can't say his name.
Shuli said he can see people in Alaska eating that stuff. He said out there they have a supermarket they can go to. Richard said a lot of times the heads of the chickens get pulled off their necks. Howard said he's seen that. Howard said that he worked on a farm for a short time and saw the chickens running around with their heads off. Howard said that's a real thing.
Shuli said he had some quail at Richard's parents house and he had some buckshot in it. Richard said he's broken his teeth a lot of times on that.
Richard said that they didn't eat the raccoon penis. He said they'd save it. He said that they call it an Arkansas toothpick. Howard asked Richard about eating tongue and brains from a cow. Richard said he's done that.
Howard asked Shuli how he's doing. Shuli said he's good. Howard thanked him and Richard for coming in and let them go.
Howard said that he has to play this clip of a little kid and a British dude and some older dude playing Call of Duty online. Howard said the British guy is trying to calm the older dude down with the language. The little kid is fucking with the older kid. Howard had to restart the clip. Howard played it again and they were arguing about the age of Robert Bowling. Then the Brit gets in on it and asks the older kid if he realizes what age the kid is that he's talking to. The older kid told the guy to shut the fuck up. Even the little kid was telling the Brit to shut the fuck up too. The little kid was telling the older kid that the British kid was going to cock smack him. The Brit asked him to watch his language in front of kids.
Howard said Shuli plays that game and it goes on all day long from what he's said. Shuli said he doesn't play as much as he used to. He said he has gotten into arguments in the game and his wife has had to yell at him. He said the people playing are playing on the same team. Shuli said he and Yucko pretend to be in a private chat and people will quit the game before it's over.
Howard asked Shuli if he has the new Xbox. Shuli said he does. Howard asked how he can afford that. Shuli said he has entertainment pressure. He said he just wants to sit home and that's it. Howard asked if Shuli has ever recorded that stuff. Shuli said he has but they won't let him play it there. He said that they have some rule against it.
Howard asked if the N-word or homo is the bigger thing when kids are yelling. Shuli said that the N-word is huge. He said that people use it as their screen name. He said he has gotten yelled at by kids and he's threatened to come find them. Shuli said his wife yelled at him to take the trash out or something and a kid heard that. He said some kid asked if that was his mom. Shuli said he told the kid that she sort of is like his mom.
Howard asked how often he plays. Shuli said it's a couple of times a week. He said he and Yucko will start grossing people out with their discussions. He said their goal is to try and get people to quit the game. He said people will yell at you and all you can hear is machine gun fire and grenades going off. He said it's better than any movie or concert you can go to. Shuli said Yucko once said he had some of his dried cum on his eye and one guy said ''That's it. I'm outta here.'' Howard said Yucko should come on the show and do that shit.
Shuli said they will do gay voices. They'll ask if they're in private chat and people will say they can hear them but they'll just keep going with the gay talk. Howard said he may have to get an Xbox just to get in on the conversation. Howard said he doesn't want to waste his time with that shit though. Shuli said Howard would throw the controller right out the window. Shuli said there are guys who just run around with a giant knife and stab you in the neck. He said they sneak up on you and just stab you. Shuli said there's a special ability to just run fast and they'll run up to you and stab you. Howard said that's pretty good because you never run out of bullets with a knife.
Howard said he just wants to get on and do gay stuff with the guys. Howard imagined going to a store and buying the Xbox and telling the guy he wants that box that lets you have gay discussions online. Howard said the little kids must be really freaked out by all of that. Howard said he loves how they're worried about little kids hearing bad language on radio and TV but they already know all of that stuff.
Howard asked when it became acceptable to use the N-word the way they do online. Howard said that it must be the rap songs. Shuli said on Xbox it's never used in a complimentary way.
Howard said they should have Robin get on and start vegucating people. Howard said that they would probably get offline quicker than when they're doing gay talk.
Howard asked Shuli if he's any good at the game. Shuli said sometimes he is. He said that sometimes he's the worst player. He said that people will ask him why he's so bad and they'll tell him he just sucks. Shuli said if you leave the game then you can just start up somewhere else.
Howard replayed the clip of the kids yelling at each other. Shuli said that this guy goes out and does videos where he says he's the best player ever and then he goes into the game and starts killing his own teammates.
Howard wrapped up with Shuli and went into a live commercial and then to a break.
Howard said there was 1 second left on the clock and Alabama was trying for a 56 yard field goal. Howard said if the team catches it they can run back the field goal. Howard said the guy caught it and ran the ball back for a touchdown. Howard said it was the best. He had some audio of an announcer calling the game and getting really excited about it. The guy ran 109 yards for a touchdown.
Howard said someone recorded a guy yelling in his house when the game was on. The guy was screaming that the guy could go all the way and then it was over. There was another house where the people were screaming at the top of their lungs about the game.
Howard said they are saying that it's the best Iron Bowl ever. Howard asked Gary what that is. Gary said they play each other every year.
Howard played another clip of a family freaking out over the win. The guy starts yelling ''We did it!'' over and over. He was howling and screaming like a girl.
Robin said these must be the people who buy the NFL gear on QVC. Robin said they sell blankets and household goods with your team logo on them. Robin said those are the people buying stuff like that.
Howard said he gets worked up about New York teams but he's not that into it. Howard said he asks Beth what's up with their Knicks but that's about it. Howard said he has New York Knicks socks that he wears when he runs but they're the most comfortable socks. Howard said he's not sure where to get any like that.
Howard said when you hear a guy scream like that you probably want to marry him. Howard said a guy who carries on like that has to be a catch.
Howard said he has a clip from a porn where you can hear a baby crying in the background. Howard asked here that is. Gary said they're working on it. Howard said he heard that they're trying to get Mayor Rob Ford to do a porn. Howard said that's the end of porn if they do that.
Howard played the porn clip where you can hear the baby crying. The crying was louder than the sex audio. Howard said he hopes that was just a sound effect. Howard said maybe it's just a weird fetish. Sal came in and said it was real. He said you can't see the baby but you can tell that it's there in the apartment. He said it was amateur porn. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Sony is seeking a patent for smart wigs. Robin said they're hair pieces with sensors. Robin said that this would allow people to do slide presentations and things like that with their wigs.
Robin was reading about a report they did on Amazon.com on 60 Minutes last night. She said that they want to have the ability to deliver something within a half hour and they had a drone helicopter that could do the job. Robin said they say it's not ready to go yet but they are looking at doing that in the future.
Howard took a call from a guy who filled him in on the Auburn game and gave him some more details about the field goal kicker and how he was in for a guy who had missed 3 other field goals. Now that guy is getting death threats over the game. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the leg cam that FOX News has. Howard said that he has been watching FOX News for years. He said that he loves it. He said the chicks on there are so hot too. He said it's such a man's world there. He said each girl is hotter than the next. Howard said every girl wears a dress. Robin said they put the girl with the good legs up front too. Howard said they have a cock cam there at the Howard Stern Show. Howard said you get woozy looking at the girls on FOX News. Howard said he's not sure what they do with the girls when they're done with them. He said Roger Ailes must have a moat he drops them into. Howard said this guy knows what he's doing though. Howard said this guy is a fucking genius.
JD came in and said that one of the good things about working there is that you get to see some of those girls walking around. He said he saw one the other day and he wanted to stop. Howard said you want to jerk off to the girls. Howard said they have to be murdering those girls when they're done with them. He said that they just vanish when they're done with them. Howard said that FOX News must be better than porn. He said he wants to watch the news even after jerking off to the women. Howard said that you start to watch it and you think that they're brilliant. Howard said they've got it all. Howard said they're so on top of things.
Robin read about the American Music Awards and told Howard about some of the winners and nominees. Howard said he put on James Brown over the weekend. He said that mother fucker could do it. He said that was R&B. Howard asked Fred if he's right about that. Fred said absolutely. Robin said Robin Thicke did win at the BET awards. Justin Timberlake ended up beating Thicke at the AMAs. Howard had Fred play some James Brown for him. Robin had some clips from the American Music Awards for Howard to play. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about actress Maria Bello who was talking about how she doesn't tell her son everything about herself. She recently fell for this woman who she was friends with. Robin said that she says that she saw a snapshot of the two of them together and how happy they looked. Howard said she was also saying that we define who we're in love with by who we're having sex with and that's just wrong. Howard said he thought she was very insightful. Howard said that she basically outed herself in the article. He said it was a great article. Robin asked if she's gay. Howard said that's what he got out of the article. Howard said her point is that they shouldn't have to define her at all.
Howard said JD has pictures of who he thinks is the hottest FOX news girl. Howard had him come in to show him. JD said that her name is Anna Kooiman. Howard said he watches her but she's not the hottest.
Robin read a story about how someone wants to teach kids how to use Karate to defend themselves against the Knock Out Game. Howard said it doesn't work. Howard said he took karate and it doesn't work. Howard said the reality is that guys who have been knocking people out have been knocking people out their whole lives. He said you need to learn how to street fight. He said karate won't work. Howard said this guy who wants to teach might be able to defend himself but that's it. He said he won't be able to teach anyone to do the same. Howard said by the time you set up a move you're already knocked out.
Robin said that Bono has said that a world without AIDS isn't that far away. Robin said that he says that we're making progress but we can't slack off yet. Robin had some audio of Bono talking about that.
Robin read a story about how the catholic church opposes the Obama health insurance plan because of their policies on birth control. Howard said he can't believe they're still against birth control.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was outside with High Pitch Eric at Letterman. Howard said he saw them. Mariann said he made them so happy. Howard said he knows. He hung up on her as she started to sing ''All we need...''
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a huge fan of his. He said that they're advertising Howard's birthday party on other channels. He asked why that is if the fans are listening to his show. Howard said they have the most tickets there on this channel. The caller asked if he has any to give away. Howard said he gave away the pair for today. Howard said he can try again tomorrow if he can get through.
Robin read about the Metro North train derailment there in New York over the weekend. Robin said that there have been a few crashes in the same area over the past 6 months.
Robin read about a memorial service being held for Paul Walker who died in a car crash over the weekend. Robin said that they were in the middle of a shoot for the next Fast and Furious movie. Robin said they haven't said what they're going to do about that yet. Howard said he feels bad for that dude. He said that he just hopped in for a joy ride and they end up dying. Robin said they were only like 500 feet from the shop where they were working on the car. Robin said it hit a tree and blew up. Robin said he was a very good looking guy and she always wondered why he wasn't in better movies. Robin said he was only 40 years old. He was in the passenger seat of the car when it crashed. Howard said they should make him into a cartoon character and put him in the movie. Robin said technology is so good now that they could just have him computer generated. Howard said he'd be like one of those guys in Call of Duty. Robin said that Vin Diesel took to Twitter to express his grief. Robin read what Vin wrote about Walker. She had what The Rock wrote about him too. Howard said Stamos was writing about that guy too. He said he should write something even though he doesn't know him. Robin had an audio clip of Paul Walker from one of the Fast and Furious movies.
Robin read about the lyrics of one of Bruce Springsteen's songs being auctioned off. Robin said they're expecting to get $70-100,000. Howard said he'd like to have something like that. He said maybe not for that kind of money though. Howard said they say it's cool because you can see alternative verses and things on the paper. Howard said that's pretty cool. Howard said he'd hang something like that on the wall. He said he did buy the lyrics for ''I'm too Sexy'' if anyone is looking for that.
Robin read about today being Cyber Monday and how Amazon is donating some money to charity if you buy through their Smile program.
Robin read about tomorrow being Giving Tuesday where people give things to other people. Robin had some audio of some guy talking about that.
Robin said she has some audio of people at the scene of the train derailment. Howard asked if Robin would help if she was there. Robin said she would help. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He said he's seen her in action. Robin said that's because he pulls her back all the time. Robin had a few clips of people talking about that curve where the derailment happened.
Robin read about an auction company that has an Olympic gold medal that's reportedly one won by Jesse Owens. Robin said online bidding will end this week and they estimate that it will bring close to a million dollars. Howard said that's the one that Hitler really hated. He said that he was upset that a black man came in and won. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that Howard was also very excited about getting into iTunes now. Gary said he's not sure what he means by that. He said that maybe he's putting ratings into the songs he likes and things like that. Gary said it seems kind of new to Howard. Jon said that's kind of cool.
Jon said Howard also got a GoPro camera after talking to him over the break. Jon said the camera is great. He said the potential of what it can do is pretty impressive. He said that this product isn't like an Apple product that you can just open and use. He said you have to set it up first. He said that once it's set up it's going to be great.
Gary said Jon got the Black model and it's like $400. He said he's not sure what he'd use it for. Gary asked what he can use it for. Jon said he's more active than he is. Gary said his son got bored with his. He said that his cat would claw him to death if he tried to put one on him. Jon said he hopes in 6 months it won't be sitting on a shelf. Gary said he thinks it will be.
Gary talked about some of the people who were at the North Shore Animal League fund raiser. Gary said that he was talking to Mary about George Takei and she thought he was kind of mean talking about how good looking Brad used to be. Gary said she was starting to feel bad for Brad.
Jon said Sal came in and talked about Ghandi quickly today. He said Sal was embarrassed by the turtle thing but now he's embracing it and he's proud of it. Gary asked why he thinks that is. Jon said he thinks Sal has talked himself into loving it. He said he thinks that he's getting some attention from it and he can roll with it. Gary said he thinks that he's into it because people have told him it's cool.
Gary said sometimes they get people to sign stuff for group photos and Sal used to sign with ''143.'' He said he found that odd. Jon said it's all fun now but it's not fun when you think about what it all means.
Jon said that Shuli was in talking about his Xbox experiences. He asked Gary if he's ever seen any of that with his kids. Gary said he knows his son is on there talking to those Nazis and pedophiles.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard talked about the red carpet thing for the North Shore event. Gary said he was just surprised at some of the people who were there.
Another caller said he was up in New York for the taping of the Letterman show and his wife felt that Howard took over the show. The caller asked why Howard kept looking over to the side when he'd make a comment. Gary said he thinks it's common for Howard to wrestle the show away from Dave. He said that's why they like having him on. Jon said he thinks Howard was looking at Rob Burnett but he's not sure who else was there. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said Howard is into cameras and stuff so he wants to give it a try. Ronnie said they used a GoPro in his car when he was driving around with Jon Leiberman.
Jon asked Ronnie about going to his girlfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. Ronnie said they had a great dinner and then the family went out shopping. He said he brought some pumpkin beer there too. Jon asked why he didn't go out shopping. Ronnie said he went to bed. He said Stephanie went shopping too. He said that she didn't buy anything. She was just there for support.
Jon asked Ronnie if he ever goes shopping on Black Friday. Ronnie said he never does. He said he goes shopping one day when the mall opens. He said that he'll go when no one is there. Ronnie said there's a guy at the mall who gives coffee out to the people there and he's seen him there every year.
Ronnie said he goes to the same mall around the same time of year. He said he likes going to Macy's, GameStop and Justice for his granddaughter. Ronnie said he goes to Betsy Johnson too.
Jon asked if he goes to Claire's. Ronnie said he's not sure what that is. He said he may have been in there though. Gary said he went to the mall on Saturday and it wasn't that crowded. He said maybe everyone went there on Friday.
Jon said he has been shopping online for years. He said he's lazy and he doesn't go out for Black Friday. Jon said he's not sure what you need to go to the mall for. Gary said he went to try on a jacket. He said he didn't have to go. He said he got there and there were tons of parking spots so he went in. Ronnie said they went to pick up the chair on Friday and the mall was insane. He said there wasn't a parking space for miles.
Jon asked Ronnie what his Thanksgiving dinner was like. Ronnie said there was food on the table and people sitting around it. Gary asked if it gets weird when the parents only have something in common with him and not their daughter. Ronnie said that never really happens.
Jon and Gary talked a little bit about Howard sounding like he wants to get into football but he can't believe that some people get as excited about it as they do. Gary said this has been a bad year for all of the New York teams.
Jon asked JD how his thanksgiving was. JD said it was fine. He said he spent it with Teddy and his wife and family. He said that Teddy and his wife cooked. Ronnie asked if he cooked tacos. JD said they had some kind of steak thing. He said he's not sure what it was. Gary said maybe it was a London broil. JD said that might be that it was.
Ronnie said he offered to bring JD to Ohio. He didn't want to go. JD has family out there. JD said he would have felt weird being in the car with the two dogs.
Gary said they were all putting up pictures for Thanksgiving and Mary saw JD and said they should have had him up there. JD said he doesn't think he'd go all the way up to Connecticut. Gary said it's not that far. JD said it is for him.
Gary asked if JD had to talk to strangers. JD said he did. He said that went okay. He said he'd talk to them and if they talked back then it was fine. JD said he was fine watching football there.
Gary told Jon to take line 2 as a call. Jon picked up and said that he has been going to the same place every year and it can be a perfect holiday. He said the women do all of the work and you get great food and watch football. Gary said his wife does most of the work but his mother used to do all of the work. She wouldn't let anyone help but then halfway through she'd start yelling at them that no one was helping.
Jon said that JD was in the back running around printing pictures of the FOX news chicks. JD said he has been noticing that one chick for a while now. He said her name is Anna Kooiman and she's very fit. He said she's very well toned. He said he barely watches the news.
Jon asked JD if he's upset that Howard said she's not the hottest. JD said he gets that. He said he saw another hot chick the other day when he was coming back to work with his lunch. He said she just happened to be walking by.
Ronnie said he likes Alex Dennis on CBS news there in New York. Shuli said the Spanish channels have the hottest chicks for the weather. Ronnie said they're the hottest for any part of the news. They spent a minute on that and then had to go to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie about Paul Walker's death and how speed was a factor in the accident. He asked Ronnie if he thinks that's a cool way to die. Ronnie said if you saw that car you know they had to be doing like 140 miles per hour. Shuli said they're now saying that drag racing may have been involved. Ronnie said that they do this drifting thing and he could have lost control. He said that's the chance you take. He said he doesn't drive like that himself. Shuli said Ronnie is a maniac the way he drives. Ronnie said he isn't a maniac. He said if someone is doing 50 in the left lane in a 70 zone then he swerves around them. Shuli said he doesn't just weave, he veers into the lane in an instant. Then he'll cut across their nose immediately after passing them.
Jon said he has to defend Ronnie there. He said that the left lane is a passing lane. He said he'll get right on your tail until you move out of the way. Ronnie said that's the way it is in Pennsylvania. He said they stay in the left lane and don't move. He said they do 50 in a 70.
Ronnie said he's not sure what the big deal is. Gary said he has a different philosophy about that. Ronnie said he stopped to get gas at one point and some woman drove through just to call him an asshole for passing her.
Gary said he isn't looking for a ticket. He said he puts his car on cruise at 2 miles per hour over the limit and he stays in the left lane until someone comes up behind him. Ronnie said he should be in the right lane. He said he should have read that in his fucking driver test manual. He said that you use the left lane to pass and then you move over in the right lane.
Shuli asked where it says in the manual to cut someone off and call them a cock sucker. Ronnie said it doesn't say that in the manual.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he does 5 over the limit and people come up on him at 90. He said he doesn't have to move. Ronnie said it's a passing lane so you have to move. Ronnie said if he wants to go faster then it's his problem if he's speeding. Gary said if you're doing the speed limit then you aren't the slower traffic.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that he'll never drive with Ronnie again. Jon said that he agrees with Ronnie about the passing. He said you have to move over if someone comes up behind you. Jon said they have to end this debate now.
Jon Leiberman did a Howard 100 News preview and ran down a few things that they have coming up. That led to the guys talking about the birthday show tickets and what people are willing to do for them. JD said his father was surprised that he can't even get him into the show. JD said he's not sure if he's going to be there himself. Gary said he'll be there. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show taking a call from a guy who had a phone so bad it sounded like he was on speaker phone. The caller said he has to stop with the Eric the Midget stuff. He said that he contributes nothing to the show. Howard said there are fans out there who disagree with him and there are people who like him. Howard said that they have an Eric the Actor Opera. Howard said that they've got all of these tweets and they've turned them into Eric the Actor's Tweets: The Opera. Howard played the commercial for it that they created. They had Daniel Mendelson singing some of his tweets to the fans who make stuff up about him. Howard and Robin were cracking up at the lines they were singing in the commercial.
The caller said he stands corrected after hearing that. He asked to win the birthday show tickets after that. Howard said he'll do it. Howard said he has a couple of games to play. Howard said one of them was super difficult. He said he'll go with that one since the tickets are so rare. Howard said they have trivia about the show that he'll have to answer. Howard said this is the most difficult trivia. Howard said all he has to do is pick one of the staff who he thinks can answer super hard trivia. Howard said he can even pick him. The caller, Zach, said Howard can't even remember yesterday. Howard said he's right. He told Zach that he went to Gary when he wrote his book to remember stuff he can't remember. Howard said he can pick Gary if he wants to. He said he can pick Benjy if he wants to. He said no one ever picks Benjy. He said he can even pick Jason who keeps the log of the show.
Howard said he's trying to help Zach out here. He said this will be the birthday show bash of the century. Howard said you can enter to win online at HowardStern.com. Howard asked Jon when he wrote the questions, what was he thinking. Jon said he didn't write them. He said Nick Ruckert wrote them and then he ran them by him to see if they were difficult enough. Jon said he didn't even get all of them right. Howard said now Zach can pick someone to help him. Zach said he's going with Gary Dell'Abate. He said he was going to pick Fred but now that he knows he can pick someone from the other staff, he's going with Gary.
Howard said Gary walked in and his mouth was closed. He said that's very rare. Gary said he wants to win for this guy. Howard said Gary performs very well under pressure. Gary said he did tell Howard the other day that his memory is a little bit off. He said he thinks this is his wheelhouse though.
Howard said Zach can change if he wants to since he just heard Gary saying that he is losing his memory. Howard said Jason is younger and he has a good memory. Robin asked if Will has a good memory. Howard said Will's memory is shot. Howard said he called Will when he was a little boy when he had cancer. He said that young Will really does listen to the show. Howard said he could be better than Gary. Howard asked if he wants to lock in with Gary. Zach said he trusts Gary and he's great.
Zach asked if Will had wasted his Make a Wish thing on Howard. Gary said he did and the Make a Wish people didn't allow that to happen. Howard said they'd rather let him die than meet Howard Stern. Howard said just imagine a book title of ''Make a Wish Banned Me.''
Howard said that Zach has gone with Gary so he had Fred lock him in. He played a sound effect for that. Howard said Gary has to answer the question and even if Zach knows the answer he can't answer. He said it's Gary that has to answer.
Jon Hein was reading the question for the game. Howard said no one has seen them other than Jon and Nick. Jon asked what the title of the unusual book that Howard once found in Fred Norris' bag. Howard said he sees that Gary is thinking. Howard said he thinks he remembers it now. He said Zach should have picked him. Howard said he'll help a little. Howard said it was many years ago and they were sitting there and Fred left the room. Howard said he rifled through Fred's bag. He said he just did it and he found this book. Howard said this must get Fred angry all over again. Fred said it was a really dicky thing to do. Howard said you never go into someone's bag. He said he knows that now. Robin said it was just a plastic bag too. It wasn't anything special. Fred still carries a bag but it's a little nicer. It's now canvas.
Howard asked what Fred has in the bag now. Fred pulled out some One Direction CDs he had for his daughter. He had some notes and a hat. He had sunglasses, a guitar player magazine, a couple of Cliff Bars in there too. Howard said that's good and he likes that he's eating that as a meal. Howard said if he's using it as a meal substitute that's okay.
Howard thanked Fred for the tour of his bag. Fred had more. He had a Rolling Stone and an Automotive magazine. Howard asked if he's like Felix the cat where he has a bottomless bag. Fred said he typically has the iPad in there too but it's on his counter now. He said he uses it during the show. Howard said that's a lot of stuff he has in that bag.
Howard asked why he has magazines in the bag and doesn't use the iPad for that. Fred said he goes out to eat at the diner and he will read there. He said he'll be on his iPad and he'll read his magazine on the side. He said he doesn't like to get grease on the iPad. Howard asked what he eats there. Fred told him what he'll have and then said he'll go home and do more work.
Howard said he killed some time for Gary to think. He said that if he doesn't get this right he's going to lose it for Zach. Gary asked if he needs to have the exact title. Howard said he'll give him some wiggle room. Gary said that it's one of two things. He said it's either ''How to Deal With Parents Who are Alcoholics'' or something like that. Howard told Gary to keep thinking. Gary said he'll give him the first one. Gary went with his first thought. He went with ''How to Deal With Parents Who Are Alcoholics.'' Gary said that if he's right he's surprised that Fred didn't kill them. Fred said he's more mature than the rest of them. Howard said he'll lock that in and say that he thinks Gary is correct when it comes to the alcoholic theme. Howard said the title wasn't that long though. Howard said he thinks that it was shorter than that. Howard said he might accept that answer if it's close.
Gary was going to change his answer but Howard said he's locked in. Howard had Jon read the title of the book that he found in that bag. Jon said it's four words and it's ''Coping With Alcoholic Parents.'' Fred said that is not correct. He said that answer is wrong. Fred said the answer is just not correct. He said the correct answer is ''Adult Children of Alcoholics.'' He said Jon's answer is wrong. He said if they're going by strict title then he's wrong. Howard said they don't even know the right answer. Gary said he has a theory on this. He said he thinks that he glanced at the book and paraphrased it on the air. Jon said that's the title they gave on the air. Howard said he's going to give a ruling here. He said that his ruling is that Jon Hein and Nick Ruckert are not allowed to come to the birthday show. He said they're probably right that he gave a paraphrased title. Howard said Gary was close but he's going to give Zach a second chance.
Howard said that they don't even have the right answer for that. Howard said they have a contest and they're confused by the whole thing. Howard asked Fred if the book helped him. Fred said he would not recommend the book. He said the best part was the name of the woman who wrote it. He said her last name was Woititz. Howard said that's a good name to get on Tradio. He told Richard and Sal to make that happen. Fred said that the book wasn't very insightful.
Howard said he's going to give Zach a second chance now. He said that he can pick someone other than Gary if he wants to. Howard said Zach was saved by the bell. He said that Gary was wrong on both counts. He said that he may have to go to another contest if this next question doesn't work out. Howard told Zach to pick his celebrity. He stuck with Gary. Gary said he's trying for him.
Howard said Gary's lips are closed so he's in his contest mode. He said usually it's too hard to pull them down over his teeth. Howard said his lips just opened up. Gary told him to move on ''Mr. Handsome.'' Howard said at least he can close his mouth.
Howard had Fred lock Gary in and then had Jon read the question. Jon said according to the book Private Parts, who is considered to be the first member of the Wack Pack? Gary said this is his area. Zach said he read the book but he doesn't remember. Howard said Gary helped with the book and he should know. Gary said this is a tough one. He said he's got it narrowed down to about 3 or 4 people. Gary said that he has it narrowed down to Captain Janks or maybe the really early ones like Celeste or Fred the Elephant Boy. He said maybe it's even Bo the Lesbian. Gary said it might be Bo. He said that's where his gut is taking him. Howard said he thinks his gut is larger than it was last year. Gary said he's lost 17 pounds so it's smaller.
Gary said he thinks that Janks came later so he thinks he's going to go with Bo. Howard asked him to really think about that. Gary said he's locking in on Bo. Zach told him not to. Gary said he's sticking with Bo. Howard had Fred lock him in. Zach thought it was Irene the Leather Weather Lady. Howard said he thinks that's wrong. Howard said Jon is smiling. He said he's a mess over there sweating. Gary said he thinks that he got it wrong. He said he knows Jon well enough. Jon said according to the book Private Parts, so there's no confusion, the answer is Irene the Leather Weather Lady. Gary was wrong but Zach was correct. Zach asked for another one then. Howard said he can't even remember his own book. Fred said that according to Wikipedia they had Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said he's sick of this game. Howard said that they can't go another round. Gary said he doesn't care one way or the other.
Zach said that Hook Nose mike does nothing but insult him and he won tickets. Howard said that he'll give him one more chance. Howard said he's going to say this with peace and love. This is the last time. Howard said someone has to lose sometime. Jon said that they have to have a time limit because he could be looking it up on the internet.
Jon asked what the phone number was to Scott the Engineer's DJ business. Gary knew it with (718) BAG-5040. Zach won tickets.
Zach said he won the most beautiful penis contest last year. Howard said he'll be there for Robin and Fred who secretly loves that. Howard said this is some start to the morning. He said it was a flawed contest and Jon and Nick are fired. Zach said he's really excited. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting and they have many musical guests coming. Zach said he's near tears right now. Howard said they'll see him on January 31st at Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard put Zach on hold and thanked everyone for playing the game.
Howard asked if Bobo has a small penis. Bobo said he's doing okay. He said he has about 7 inches and 3 or 4 when it's flaccid. Howard said he's so bummed out by that. Howard said it's so embarrassing. He said it's like he has a vagina. Howard said they don't have that much cock to put tubing through.
Bobo said he was laying there and they were putting this tubing in and it was like Roto Rooter. He said he almost passed out when they started putting it in. Bobo said his wife was in there watching too. He said his eyes filled up with water because he was in so much pain. He said they put the thing in and then it felt like knives were in his penis. He said they were twisting the thing around. He said it was 10-15 minutes and it felt like eternity. He said they had a camera in there.
Howard asked why they can't knock someone out for that. Bobo said they should. He said that they do it like a colonoscopy. Howard said they knock you out for that. Howard said he wouldn't want to be awake for that. Howard said he'd like to know what the medical reason is to keep you up. Bobo said the Novocaine did very little or nothing. Howard said that it would be great if the nurse had to get you hard to get the catheter in there. Howard said that would be great if Bobo blew a load on the doctor.
Bobo said the pain didn't seem to go away. He said all he could think about was when they pulled the thing out. He said he was afraid they were going to pull the inside of his penis out. Bobo said that they found that he had no cancer in there. He said it was worth it to find that out.
Howard asked if it was hard to pee after that. Bobo said that it was like a match was lit inside his penis for the next two hours. He said that the pain was really bad. He said the pain was 10 times worse than when you get soap in there when you're cleaning it.
Bobo said that he's on these pills now and he had an infection. He said that he can't ejaculate. Howard said maybe he gave him the medicine that turns him gay. Bobo told him not to even say that. Howard thanked him for the update and let him go. Bobo said ''Bobo's back on track.'' Howard said that is something he lives in fear of. He sounded like he didn't want anything to do with that kind of procedure.
Howard said this is why Robin was so great. He said she didn't complain about what she went through at all. He said he thinks that she should lecture people about cancer. He said she should be lecturing people about going through that. Robin said that she didn't have time for a moment during that. She said she didn't fear anything. She said it was really amazing. She said the morning of the surgery she didn't think anything of it. Howard said maybe she shouldn't lecture anyone. He said she's an inspiration.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him Ringo's ''Peace and Love'' line. Howard did his impression of Ringo and then asked what he can do for the caller. The caller said he has the signed North Shore calendar and that means a lot to him. Howard said he would like to thank the fans for buying it. Howard said it's a nice stocking stuffer. He said you can order that from North Shore Animal League. He thanked the guy for the call. Robin said she might have a cat for this cat sanctuary. She said that Leroy is giving cats a bad name. She said that it turns out badly when she has kids over to her house. Howard said she shouldn't have any over then. Robin said she's trying to spread goodwill toward cats but Leroy isn't cooperating. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has the Wack Packer Clip of the Week to play now. He said this one won hands down. Howard said they have a vote and it's Under Dog Lady who speaks with Shuli regularly. Howard said she won't speak to him and won't come on the air with him. Howard said it's probably best that they don't speak. Howard said Shuli and Underdog Lady have had a long time relationship on the phone. Howard said a couple of years ago she was very ill and was hospitalized. She claims she was bitten by a cat and she got sick from that. Howard asked if Robin understands that. Robin said if you're not in good shape you can get an infection. Robin said it's hard to happen.
Howard played the clip and Shuli was talking to Underdog about her bowel movements and how she has 5 or 6 a day and they're not firm and strong. She said they're oozy and watery. She said this all started because a cat bit her. Howard said that's terrible. He said he's sorry to see her suffering. Howard said he never could have played that on terrestrial radio. He said the oozy shit never would have made it on the air.
Howard said they have these nuggets to play once in a while. Howard told Shuli to bring them in if they're as good as that. Fred said he's sure he has a bunch but they may not all be that good. Howard said that if you have oozy bowel movements then please call the news department and tell them about it.
Howard said Sal has embraced it. He played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Jon Hein was talking to Sal about the turtle thing and how proud he is of it now. Jon said he thinks that Sal has talked himself into loving it.
Howard said that Sal is out sick today. He asked what's wrong with him. Gary said that he got a note from him last night saying ''Good evening. Based on my present condition I won't be at work tomorrow.'' Howard said he's too sick to make phony phone calls back there. Howard said he's probably taking a personal day. Richard told Gary that he was actually sick yesterday though. Howard asked what was wrong with him. Richard came in and told Howard that he's lonely back there. He said he hates to make him scared but something is going around the whole office. He said he was sneezing and snotting like crazy yesterday. He said his voice sounded bad too. Howard said Richard is pretty gross too. Richard said he's not sick though. He's just sick in the head.
Howard said he read that people who drink excessively have a better relationship. He said that's weird. Richard said they went to wine country for Thanksgiving and had a great time. Howard said he can just imagine what that's like. He did a drunk voice and goofed on Richard for a minute. He let him go after that.
The caller asked if he cums quicker from her talking dirty. Howard said they're not into that. He said they just fuck but it's great. He said he's very satisfied. He said they don't do anything weird or kinky. He said he masturbated so much as a kid that he didn't make much noise. He said that he had to be quiet as a kid so he doesn't make much noise now.
Howard said his dad has this odd accent and he thinks that it's from his parents. He said he over annunciates and he thinks that's from him trying to get rid of it. Howard said he's trying to have an announcer voice and he's over compensating. Howard did his impression of him doing that.
Howard had Fred play a clip of his dad interrogating him in the recording studio. Ben was asking him about President Kennedy and how he was asking for more democrats in congress.
Howard said his dad is a barrel of laughs. He said that's their relationship. He said it's always about what's in the newspaper. He said he likes to talk about that stuff even with a 5 year old. Howard said no one talks to a 5 year old about that shit. Howard said his dad got annoyed when he didn't know the answer.
The caller asked if Howard tries to hold out for Beth so they can cum together. Howard said of course he does. The caller asked who he has to blow to get tickets. Howard said he can't give them away right now. He said he can only give away one set a day. He already did that. Howard said they're giving away more online. He said he can enter there. The caller said he has already done that. He asked Howard to pick up on him tomorrow. Howard said he's not trying to be a dick but he can't give more than one set away a day. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that today is Giving Tuesday so he's giving Gary more work. He said he's getting kind of sick of hearing how good looking Paul Walker is. He said that he's tired of hearing about it. Howard said this is how hot he is. Howard said he's going to ask Robin a choice of a dead Paul Walker, fully intact, or Benjy. Howard said Walker has been dead a whole day... or Benjy. Robin said she'll take Paul Walker. Benjy told her to wait until he loses weight.
Howard said they say that Paul Walker was an adrenalin junkie. He said that they say they went to a drag race place and then came back and crashed. Howard said if he looked like that guy he'd just stay home and protect himself. Howard said he'd let girls fuck him and that's that.
Robin said that they say that the car they were driving was a 612 horsepower car. Robin said it's as close to a race car as Porsche will ever make. Robin said it's very sensitive to irregularities in the road. Howard said he hates cars. He said he knows Fred loves cars but he was shopping around for a car. He said Porsche makes a nice family sedan.
Howard said he went to a couple of car dealerships and he was trying to find something. He said he didn't want to test drive anything. He said he needs a car but he hates them. He said they all drive fine. He said they're all the fucking same to him. Robin said that they have a different feel. Howard said he'll be fine.
Howard said the salesman told him about this sedan they had. Howard said he asked what the difference was between one and the other. He said the guy was telling him about this one that was even more horsepower. Howard said he didn't care about all of that. Howard said he's not going to go fast. He didn't care about all of that.
Robin said she has a button in her Corvette that can turn off most of the features in the car. Fred said that if you're a race car driver you can handle that stuff.
Howard said this kid was blessed and he didn't need to leave the house. Howard said that his girlfriend was really hot. He said that he saw pictures in the paper of her. Howard said there's a picture of Jada Pinkett Smith in the paper and she still looks hot. Howard said she shouldn't have shaved the sides of her head. He said that doesn't look good. He said he'd chop her head off. She has a great body.
Robin said she watched the video of Tyrese going to the scene of the Paul Walker accident. Robin said she heard a Baba Booey at the end of the tape. Howard said he has a bunch of Baba Booey mentions. He had one from the Thanksgiving day parade. A few guys were yelling it out during a newscast.
Howard said he has another one where the newscasters were yelling it out. Howard said they were promoting his appearance on Letterman on the wrong night. Howard played that clip and they were giving Howard the promo and said Baba Booey before mentioning Howard.
Howard said Paul Walker was dating his current girlfriend when she was only 16 and he was 33. Howard said that's like Elvis and Priscilla. Howard said it's kind of creepy. He said that it was smart for Priscilla because she got all of that money.
Howard said that Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta-Jones are having marriage problems but it looks like he's trying to get back with her. Howard said he's walking to her house and cooking pancakes for her. Howard said that's probably not the best way to do it. He said he might need to get her jewelry. Robin said maybe he doesn't really want her back. Howard said if Benjy wanted him back he'd sway him with pancakes.
Howard said he was reading about this guy Sam Champion who is a weather guy on Good Morning America. Howard said he's leaving to go to the Weather Channel. Howard said he's not sure that's a good move. Howard said ABC and Sam are being nice to each other.
Howard read the article about Sam leaving the show and how he wants to help the Weather Channel get more notice. Howard said he's not sure that it's a good move. He said they're spinning it like it is. Howard said they have a picture of Sam in a Speedo and you can see his cock and balls.
Howard read more of the article and they're talking about this big move and how they're going to have a new morning show on the Weather Channel when Sam makes the move. Howard said most of these weather guys don't know how to predict the weather. Howard said he likes Sam and knows him personally. He said he should stop with the surgeries. Howard said he's a good looking guy. Robin said he's bordering on ruining that good look. Howard said he has to stop with the surgery.
Howard said they're going to have weather related topics on this new morning show. Howard said he can just imagine the discussions on the channel about weather related things. He said that they can talk about umbrellas and what's new there.
Howard asked if Sam Champion is a meteorologist or not. Fred said according to the internet he is not. Howard said that he just gets the weather and reads it. Fred said his replacement is a meteorologist.
Howard said he really likes the Eric the Actor Broadway show. Howard replayed the bit he had played earlier where they sing some of Eric's Twitter responses like it's an opera. Howard said someone actually wrote that he has a lazy eye and Eric responded to it.
Howard said he was reading about how they went into the apartment of this Adam Lanza kid. He said that he shot up the Sandy Hook school and his apartment is just horrible.
Howard got an email yesterday about the new satellite the company put into orbit. Howard said that they call it Sirius FM-6 and he's wondering why they call it FM if it's satellite. Howard said that they kind of denote FM radio. Howard said this seems like a good thing though. Howard said this is a new satellite for their fleet of satellites. Howard said they say that the new satellite will make the service even better. Howard said they say that it was launched on October 25th in Kazakhstan. Howard said he would have liked to have known that it was being launched. He said he had no idea. Howard said the satellite is designed to operate over North America. He said he thinks that's where they are.
Howard said someone from the company was quoted and he isn't sure if he's ever met this guy. Howard said he's the technical director there. Howard said that's good news for them. He said that they may have to send Scott the Engineer into space to fix things if they have any problems.
Howard said The Walking Dead was great this week. Robin said it was incredible. Howard said he doesn't want any spoilers. Robin said she won't talk about it. Howard said it was better than any movie. Robin said the last 3 weeks were great. Howard said they were excellent. Howard said they went into a whole other camp and that's great. Howard said the show is getting better and better. He said it was the mid-season finale. He said he may have to watch last night's episode again. Robin said she will do that too. Howard said Beth was sleeping and he had it on last night. He said he had the sound down low and he couldn't hear the governor whispering.
Howard said the Metro North train was going 82 when it crashed. Howard said that they don't know if the driver was drinking or anything. Howard said they say that the train was going way too fast for that area. The maximum speed is supposed to be 30 on that corner. Howard said the guy claims the brakes weren't working. Robin said they say that the train stopped 9 times before that with no trouble. Robin said they're not sure if it was equipment malfunction or not. Howard said if that guy could end up in jail if he was on his phone or on any substances.
Howard said they had that guy Alex Jones on the show and he believes in a lot of conspiracy theories and stuff. Howard said he was down in Dallas for the JFK anniversary. Howard said the cool move is that he yells into a megaphone so he can be heard. Howard said he put a megaphone in front of his megaphone to get it even louder. Howard played the clip of Jones speaking out about something into his two megaphones. It was hard to understand what he was saying though. Howard said that someone in his studio tells him to go yell at the people. The guy in studio was goading him on. The guy was telling him to look at some fat guy out there. Alex was yelling at the people out there and saying that they're a bunch of damn cowards. Howard said he thinks the cops were bothering him and he challenged them to a fight but then said he would sue them if they did fight him. Howard said that guy in the studio is going to get Alex killed.
Howard said a lot of people are megaphoning now. Howard said there's a guy on the internet who was upset about Black Friday and he was out in front of Walmart or some place and he was yelling at people in line. Howard said you have to hear this guy. Howard played a clip of the guy yelling at people for not spending time with their family and coming out and shopping. He said they're parasites on this country and they probably don't plan for retirement.
Howard said he thinks that guy is some kind of reverend. Howard asked JD if he is. JD said that he's a Christian Conspiracy Theorist. Howard said he should tell him about the double megaphone thing. Howard played more of the audio of the guy yelling at the people for teaching their family such great family values.
Robin asked who he's upset with most. Howard said it's with the people who are shopping. Robin asked why he's not with his family. Howard said that's a good question. Howard said he's so worried about it and he's out there yelling at people.
Howard played more of the guy yelling at people about coming out shopping and making people work on Thanksgiving. He said they're all enemies of America and of family and tradition.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he makes her very happy. Howard said he makes the whole world happy. The caller asked if he would do SNL again. Howard said Lorne Michaels offered him the guest hosting position years ago and he was afraid to do it. Robin said he was guarding his image and didn't want to do something lame. Howard said it's not really spontaneous. He said it might be fun on some level. He said they did a lot of sketches on his channel 9 show. Howard said they did things that surprised people who were on the show. That's why they beat SNL in the New York ratings. Howard said he'd be afraid that they'd come up with a bunch of bad sketches that he wouldn't want to do. Howard said he'd have to do it though.
The caller said that a host of his stature could give them ideas to do. She said that they would do them if he gave them to them. Howard said they wouldn't have to do them. She said they would. Howard said he can't control Saturday Night Live. The caller said if they had him on they would bow down to his magic. Howard said he will consider it.
The caller said Howard looked gorgeous on Letterman. She said that he had good posture. Howard said it's gotten a little better. Robin said Letterman was a good dancer. She said she had no idea. Howard said he had to lead. Howard said Dave told him that he was going to lead after saying it was his show. Howard said he kind of stumbled when he was dancing and he almost fell over. He said you didn't see that on TV though.
Howard asked if he's better looking than Paul Walker to the caller. She said Howard is better looking than Paul Walker. Howard said he imagines that the caller looks as good as the women on FOX News.
Robin said she watched the Letterman appearance and Howard looked very nice in his suit and tie. Howard said he wanted to respect the show and put on a suit. He said he likes wearing a suit. He said he's come to enjoy that. He said he recently started wearing a tie. He said he thought it was much nicer than Dave's suit. Howard said he looked like a shlub. Howard said he thinks that Dave did that because Steve Martin bad mouthed Dave's double breasted suits.
Howard said he loves Steve Martin but he doesn't get the banjo thing. Howard said he was watching Letterman before he went on the show. He said he saw Steve Martin on the show and he came out and he was a good interview. He said then Dave asks him about the banjo band he plays in. Howard said it's like the Bacon brothers or Russell Crow. Howard said he's watching Steve doing his thing and then he gets into the banjo playing. Howard said he loves Steve and he's gone out to dinner with the guy.
Howard said Steve tells Dave about bringing out a guy who won a banjo scholarship and he brings out some guy who won. Howard said he's thinking it's a bit he put together but then Steve comes out to play banjo after the break. Howard said that they all play together and he thinks that it's going to be a goof. He said they play seriously though. Howard said Steve Martin must have something on Dave. He said it's a nice hobby but he can't believe Dave lets him play that on the show. Howard said they have to be kidding with that. Howard said he can't believe Dave lets Steve take over the show like that.
Robin asked if Howard would let Steve come on the show if he demanded that he play the banjo. Howard said no way. He said he would love for Steve to come on but he would not let him play banjo. Gary said he thinks they had that conversation off the air once and Howard said no then. Howard said he can't sit through that shit. He said he has too much respect to sit through it.
Howard said the banjo is the dumbest instrument. He said that everyone hates it. He said the ukulele is even worse. Gary said that they thought about booking him but Howard said no because of the banjo stuff.
Howard said they could interview him and then say he can go over to Starz to play his banjo. Howard said he can't do that. He said that he loves Steve but he thinks that he's going to think he doesn't like him because of that appearance. Howard said he hopes Steve understands. Howard said he thinks he has to take a break and pee. Robin said she hopes that Steve is as understanding as Brad Grey.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows that Ross Zapin was involved in the planning of the party and he wonders if they'll have a cash bar and a photo booth that no one can use. Howard said he knows Ross is working hard on this. He said they have a whole team of people working on it. Howard said Ross won't have a photo booth there. He said that from what he understands everyone will be fed very well there. Howard said anyone going is going to eat very well.
The caller said this is his ploy to get tickets. Howard said he doesn't have any to give away. Howard said that you can enter online at HowardStern.com. Fred played some of the banjo music that Steve Martin plays. Howard said he's very good at it but it's not his kind of thing. Howard said Steve could do it at home instead. Howard said he has to put them on Letterman.
Howard said that he has never gone to Steve's house so he doesn't know if he'd play there. Howard said he has only gone out to dinner with him.
Howard said this guy claims that he's in love with his sound board. He played more of the audio and the guy was talking about how in love he is with the sound board and how he fell for this woman who was in love with a Ferris wheel.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how he gets into this thing. He said that humans exchange energy and he keeps his clothes on the whole time while he's with this sound board. He said it's a spiritual connection that he doesn't share with anyone else.
Howard asked JD if he has ever done anything like that. JD said he has never done anything like that. Robin said he does keep those Spelling Bee trophies though. JD said he's not doing anything with them.
Howard asked JD about this woman who is in love with the Eiffel tower. JD said that this is an update to that story they talked about a while back. Howard stated to play the clip but this was a woman who was in love with her Monopoly board. She calls him ''Monop.'' Howard played that clip and said that he pictures her looking like Susan Boyle. JD said she is an older woman.
Howard asked if the woman sticks the pieces in her ass or anything like that. JD laughed and said he doesn't know. Howard wondered how you make love to a Monopoly game. Howard said she says she wants to share this with someone but she can't be serious. Howard said these people come out of the closet with all of their weirdness.
Howard played a clip of this woman who had married the Eiffel tower. This was an update from that. The woman explained what the ceremony was like and what has happened since then. She said the first year no one interfered. She said that she came out and told her story and the media thought it was sexual and inappropriate. Howard said he thinks he was the only one talking about this. He said there is no media.
Howard played more of the clip and the woman was talking about how she felt she was growing apart from the tower. She said they didn't want her name associated with the tower anymore. Howard asked if this woman is halfway decent looking. JD said she's decent. JD said this woman was an Olympic athlete at some point in her life.
Howard said he thinks that this woman was in a relationship with a bow and arrow. JD said she was in love with that and a sword and a couple of bridges. He said she's been around the block a bit. Gary said that he was told that this woman makes love by taking off her panties and rubbing on the tower to exchange energy. Howard said he thinks maybe he did enough.
Howard played more of the guy who was in love with his sound board talking about how he was caught in church with his arms around the sound board there. Howard said that's really weird. He said even the priests must have been thrown off by that. The guy was breaking down as he was talking about how he keeps a photo of his first sound board love above his computer. He worries that she's being taken care of.
Howard goofed on JD about his spoon collection a little bit and played the song parody about him that he had played earlier in the morning. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with him about Steve Martin and David Letterman. He said that it would be like Howard going on there and talking about his photography. Howard said he's right. He said he would understand it if Dave went on and talked about banjos on a banjo talk show. Howard said he can't get through it.
The caller asked Howard if he will go on Jimmy Fallon's show when he takes over for Jay Leno. Howard said the Tonight Show isn't the issue. He said it was his beef with Jay Leno that kept him from doing the show. Howard said he's loyal to David Letterman even though he has a good relationship with Jimmy Fallon. He said he would do Fallon's show. Howard said he doesn't like how Jay handled the whole Stuttering John thing. He said it's not that big of a deal really.
Robin said she wants to know what Dave is talking to Jay about when they talk on the phone. Howard said they'll have Dave on the birthday show and he'll talk to him about that there.
Robin said Howard was avoiding Dave's questions about his situation with his parents. Howard said that's difficult for him. He said it doesn't really bother him anymore though. He said he's desensitized. Howard said he used to beg his parents not to come visit him on visiting day at camp. He said that he wanted to live there instead of at home. Howard said he loved it there. Howard said he asked his parents to not come and just send him candy. He said his parents used to schedule their vacations around visiting day so they wouldn't come visit. Howard said he used to wander around the camp and pretend to be an orphan. He said he loved that. He said he loved that he was free.
Benjy asked if he fantasized that one of the families would take him in. Howard said he never did. He said he didn't want anything to do with adults. He said he felt free from it all.
Howard said he used to wish he was Tarzan who was raised by apes. Howard said he was well adjusted and ripped. He said he didn't get any comfort from being at home. He said that just wasn't his thing. Then Roosevelt became all black and that was really something. Howard said he came home from camp which was a sea of white people. He said this started around 6th or 7th grade. He said it was just shocking. It was like it was overnight that it happened. Howard said his parents never asked how he was coping with it. Howard said he just wanted to be away and doing his thing with white people.
Howard said that he remembers being goofed on for bringing in a Beatles album to school. He said he had things thrown at him for playing Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Howard said that none of his white friend stayed in touch after moving out of Roosevelt. Howard said Dr. Lou Weinstein is the only one. Howard said he used to ride his bicycle into town. Howard said there actually was one other kid. He said he may not want his name mentioned though. He said he wanted to come to town to see black people. Howard said that kid would go out at night to see what was going on. He said he would come back 10 minutes later running. He said that was a nightmare.
Howard said Summer Camp was nice. He said he liked to pretend he was an orphan. Robin said she can see why he would want to be there to get away from the neighborhood but she doesn't get the orphan thing. Howard said he became a different person there. He said he felt like the person he should be when he was there. He said his parents could have messed that up. He said he would have been lectured or called an idiot. Howard said he recreated himself there and he didn't want to lose that work.
Howard said he saw adults as people who were caught up in their own things and not really interested in children. Robin said she thought teachers were interested in kids. Howard said Robin was smart but teachers didn't want anything to do with him. He said he wasn't attracted to teachers. Robin said there are some adults who are sane.
Howard said Beth handles him very well when he goes into that dark hole. He said when he's with his dark passenger she knows what to do. Howard said that she snaps him out of it. He said she knows how to do it. Howard said that it's happening to him right now as he looks at Fred.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he wanted to ask about the movie. Jeff asked if he has talked to John Strauss. Howard said he has nothing to do with him. He said that he calls there asking to put some of the Wack Pack into projects. Jeff said he hasn't heard from him. Howard asked when they're supposed to film the movie. Jeff said that they were going to shoot in October. Jeff said he hasn't heard a word. He hasn't heard from Johnny Fratto in like two weeks.
Howard said maybe John can give Jeff a call. He said maybe Jeff shot it and doesn't remember it. Gary came in and said that Jason has been talking to John Strauss. They movie has been pushed off for a couple of months. He said he has told Johnny Fratto about that. Jeff said he can't get in touch with Johnny. Gary said they say that they'll probably shoot early next year sometime. Howard said that Jeff should have John call him directly. Gary said that they gave him Jeff's number but John didn't want to call him directly.
Jeff said ''He don't want me to be an Eric...'' Howard asked if he knows how to speak correctly. He said that he knows that it's ''He doesn't'' and not ''He don't...'' Howard said he doesn't get why people are so lazy and can't use the proper grammar. Jeff said he deeply apologizes. Howard said Jeff is so lazy. He said that he's even lazy with his grammar. Jeff said he wasn't thinking when he was speaking. He said he was sorry. Howard said he would think it's best to think when you speak.
Howard said Jeff did that on purpose. Jeff said he just wasn't thinking. He said he didn't do it on purpose. Howard said he did though. Jeff said he did not. He said he's sorry for that but that's what happens. Howard said he saw pictures of Jeff when he was younger and he didn't look so bad. Howard said he was 21 and still in high school. Howard said that people don't look up to that. Jeff said he was in a wheelchair at the time. Howard said he has every right to use improper grammar. Jeff said he was unconscious for 6 months after his accident.
Howard said that Jeff will be shooting his movie early next year. Jeff said he got another role that Eric turned down too. Robin said she hopes they don't conflict.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that growing up around black people helped him with his success. Howard said he loves that people say that but don't think that maybe he's successful because he's talented. Howard said that it makes for interesting radio but he thinks that he could make anything interesting.
King said he's going to tell Howard what car to get. He said he has 3 choices. He said that Panamera Porsche is one. Howard said he doesn't fit. King told him to check out the Audi S8 and the Range Rover Sport. Howard said he would never buy a Range Rover. Howard said no way to that. He said they ride bumpy. He said he drove one and he didn't like it. Fred said he's not a fan either. Howard said he's not sure why people are into that. Robin said they break down a lot. Howard said the S8 is a good one. Howard said he sat in one of those convertibles but his head sticks out like Big Bird. Howard said he's too tall.
King told Howard to get a matte black car too. Howard said that is a cool color. Howard said no one can make fun of you in a black car. Howard said this is King of All Matte Blacks.
King told Howard that Ronnie was talking about his girlfriend going out shopping with her family and leaving him home alone. He thinks that's weird. Howard said King has weird issues with women. He said that he thinks it's nice to let a woman go out by herself. King said that's just not right. He said Howard doesn't like it. Howard said you have to have separate lives. He said you can't have them by your side all the time.
Howard said he got some mail about Robin not knowing much about trains. Robin said she just said she doesn't hear much about train accidents in Europe. Howard said you don't hear about a lot in other countries but a lot here.
Howard said he got a complimentary email about last week's Master Tape Theatre. Howard said they don't get a lot of positive email like that.
Howard said they were talking about school busses and why they don't have seat belts. Someone wrote in and said that young kids may not be able to unbuckle them in an emergency. Gary said they wear them in a car.
Gary said that he was reading about the best place to be in a train if you don't want to be killed. He said you sit in the middle car in the middle of the car. He said that some of the people who were killed were thrown from the train out the window. They were in window seats. Howard said he would think that the impact would be in the front car. Robin said derailments happen in the middle though. Gary said they say you have a better chance of being struck by lightning than being in a train accident.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they play a banjo in Led Zeppelin's Gallow's Pole. Howard said that's the only good use of a banjo in a song. Howard said the rape scene in Deliverance had a good banjo song. Howard played that clip and had some banjo music playing over that.
Howard said that was a scary scene. Robin wondered where Burt Reynolds is these days. Fred said he saw him on some show where they rebuild cars and he was looking kind of shaky. He said he's hunched over and using a cane.
Howard said she should read that book Getting Things Done. Robin said he's making a big deal out of nothing. Howard said she never knows when they're getting together. Howard asked Robin how she doesn't have a calendar. Robin said she doesn't keep one. Howard said she's out of the closet now. Howard said she has got to get one. Howard asked how she was going to find out when she was doing the show. Robin said she'd look it up in her email. She had over 1000 emails in her inbox. Howard said he has 2 in his inbox. He said that's only because he hasn't been on it for an hour.
Howard said Robin has come to work when they're on vacation. Robin said that's true. She said that she does show up to work though.
Howard said that David Allen wrote this great book and he says that the human brain is bad at remembering. Howard said when you have to store information in your head you can't do it. Howard said in 5 minutes you won't remember what they were talking about. Howard said that you come up with new ideas and Robin is busy wasting her day trying to figure out where she's supposed to be. Robin said this has not encumbered her. Howard said that she could go to bed and know where she's got to be and not worry about it. Mariann said that they have her picture up there on Andy Cohen's show web site. Robin said she's not even sure where she's supposed to go. Howard asked why that is. Robin said that no one has told her. She said that she hasn't had a pre-interview or anything.
Robin said she was thrown off a bit when she broke her toe over the weekend. Mariann told her to be more careful.
Howard said it's such a liberating experience to know your schedule. Howard said that he can figure out what he has to do or where he has to be in seconds. Howard said he's not organized. He said he just trained himself. Howard said she broke her toe because she didn't know where she was supposed to be.
Robin started her news with a story about drones and how they could produce new jobs in the country over the next few years.
Robin read a story about a law that may be passed in Pennsylvania that would outlaw killing household pets to use as food.
Robin read a story about an organization that wants to have human rights given to a chimpanzee. Robin said that maybe we should do that for all animals. Robin said they're going after this chimp in New York so he can be taken from its owner who keeps it in a cage in a shed in a used trailer lot. Howard said these animals should be in a natural environment. Howard said he gets that. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. Robin read a story about a woman who disappeared in 2011 and the family was suing some people who knew she was drunk the night she disappeared. Howard said he can't do judging of this kind of case because he zones right out. Robin said the parents of the missing woman want to sue the people who were with the missing woman because she was drunk. Howard said he'd throw that right out of court. He said that everyone is responsible for themselves and the other people have nothing to do with her. Howard said he wouldn't even show up for that case. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the case.
Robin asked Howard what irritates him when he goes out to dinner. Howard said he hates it when the portions are very small and they don't tell you to get some sides. Howard said the waiter should tell you if something is going to be very small. He said that he'll ask and they mislead you. Howard said he gets the wrong information. Robin said most people are bothered by noise when they're dining out. Howard said not necessarily. Howard said it depends on where you go. Howard said he doesn't like a dirty glass or the waiter touching his silverware. Howard said that really bothers him. Robin said that happens when they clear the table. Howard said it happens at other times too. He said he hates that. Howard said people take pictures of him at the restaurant too. He said he hates that. They pretend to take shots of their plate but it's pictures of him. Robin mentioned that as being another thing people don't like when they're out eating. Howard did a live commercial read after that story.
Robin read a story about a country that's tops in math, science and reading. She asked Howard where that is. Howard guessed India. He was wrong. Robin said it's not India. Howard said it has to be Japan. Robin said no. It's actually Shanghai. Robin said the United States did not do very well in the survey. They ended up arguing about whether or not Shanghai was a country or a city in China. Howard said he didn't care and had Robin move on. Robin read about how the United States ranked 24th in reading and 36th in math.
Robin read about a huge crowd of fans being cleared out of the Paul Walker crash site. Howard said he loves that people go to congregate there. Howard said that they should go to his house or a car dealership or something. Howard said the only reason they go is because he's a good looking guy. Howard said a lot of people died that day and no one showed up. Robin said that TMZ is saying that they did this for the families of Paul Walker and Roger Rodas so they can have their own closure there. Howard said you'd think the guy would be done with speed at that age. Howard said the guy was 40 years old. He said he should have been racing at the track and not on the street. Robin had some audio of Paul Walker's dad talking about his son. Howard said he'd never leave his apartment if he had a face like that guy. He said he'd have pussy imported into that apartment. He said he should have just sat in his house and had women come there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the train crash there in the Bronx. Robin said that it was doing 82 miles per hour in a 30 zone. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to update them about Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and when that will be out. Howard said he hasn't heard from Jerry since he shot that show. Howard said he doesn't have a schedule for it. The caller said that Howard must have about 7 more shows coming up this month. He said that he has been calling in trying to win tickets. He said he wants to make sure he can call in the days he's there. Howard thanked him for that. He said they'll give away tickets on the show but they're giving them away online too.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears' new album coming out. Robin had an example of one of her songs. Howard played that and said you can hardly hear her voice in the song. Howard played a second song and he could hear her in that one. Robin said it sounds like the use of Autotune in that one. Howard said it's really annoying listening to this. Robin had a couple of other songs he played short clips of. Howard then played a Britney Spears song parody that High Pitch Eric sang. Howard said Eric is upset about trans fats being banned. Howard played a clip of Eric speaking out about the FDA wanting to ban trans fats.
Robin read Rolling Stone's list of the top albums of 2013 and read the list to Howard. Lorde, Miley Cyrus and others were in the list. Howard played a couple of songs from the albums that were on the list. Robin said Lorde wasn't actually at number 1. She said that it was Vampire Weekend. Gary said Lorde was at number 7.
Howard asked Gary if he wants to hear Vampire Weekend. Gary said they're okay. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a French investigation into some comments that Bob Dylan made that could be considered racist. Robin said that the comments were in the French edition of Rolling Stone magazine. Robin said they're doing an investigation now.
Robin read about Phil Collins making a comeback. Howard said it's about time. Howard played a Phil Collins song and said he thinks this is his best. Robin laughed and asked if he's serious. Howard said he is. Robin said that Phil has been thinking about doing new stuff and he may perform live again with the band Genesis. Robin said his last show was in 2010 and he last played with Genesis 6 years ago. That led to Howard playing a few Phil Collins songs and talking about how annoying some of them are. Howard said he knows the times of some of the songs because he used to play them all the time. He said ''In the Air Tonight'' was like 4 minutes and 42 seconds. Howard asked Fred how long that was. Fred had to stop it to figure it out. Fred said it's 5:07 actually. Howard said he had it timed out and it wasn't long enough for a dump.
Robin read about a guy who was attacked by a shark while paddling in a kayak in Hawaii. Robin said the guy died in the hospital because of the severity of the wound. Howard said you can get trapped in a kayak. Robin said she does it all the time and she's never gotten caught.
Robin read a story about Kim Kardashian's engagement and how they'll be showing that on The Kardashians. Howard said this isn't good for Kanye West's image to be carrying on with them and proposing on TV. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said that he wants to talk about the birthday show trivia contest. He said that they had a couple of levels there. He said that the person had to pick someone on the staff to play for them. Jon asked Gary if he wanted to be picked. Gary said he didn't care one way or the other. Gary said he wanted to win for the guy though. Gary said to get the exact title of the book was very difficult. Jon said he would have given it to him because he got the idea of the title. He said it was just shorter in words.
Gary said that they got to speak to Fred a little bit today about what he had in his bag. He said that he's surprised that Gary is still standing today after they went through that bag. Gary said that he didn't want to hand Howard the bag. He said he could hear Howard shuffling through the bag. Gary said he's actually surprised that Fred didn't kill them back then.
Jon asked if they thought that Howard should have thrown that question out that Gary got close to. Gary said he was okay with that. Jon said he knew Gary had the second one wrong and that answer must have surprised him. Gary said he thought the Wack Pack was created in New York. He said Irene may have been the original but she wasn't referred to with that title.
Jon said he thinks Gary should be left out of the next game if they do the trivia thing again. He said that they should make other people on the staff play. Gary said that might be a good idea. Jon said Jason would be a good pick to play.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have ever heard Phil Collins first group Brand X. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon said he has heard them but he's not sure that's his first group. Gary said he's not sure when he joined Genesis. It was around the same time according to Gary and Jon.
Jon said the other thing that came up at the end of the show was Robin not having a calendar. He said that drives Howard nuts that she can't get organized. Jon said Robin is organized in her own way. Jon said that this pushed Howard over the edge. Gary said that he would have gotten more shit than she did. He said that she's all over the place with that but that doesn't seem to bother her. Jon asked if you need to have a calendar to be organized. Gary said you need some way to be organized and she doesn't seem to have a system. Benjy said he doesn't have a calendar but he wants one. Benjy said he has had one but to keep it the way Howard does would be wonderful. He said he's not against it. Benjy said that he wants to be thin too but he always messes up and doesn't do it.
Gary asked Benjy if Elisa's parents were coming 2 weeks from Saturday, how does he know that. Benjy said he keeps it in his head. He said that he found it interesting with Robin that there was a real tension about it. He said she was upset that Howard was pressing her on it.
Jon said that he couldn't survive without a calendar. Gary said that they have a great one built into the system they use there. He said it's so easy to do. Benjy said that he has alerts set up in his phone. He said he thinks it makes sense to have a calendar.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's so easy to use a phone for a calendar. He said that Robin was just bragging about showing pictures in her phone and she could use it. Jon said she does have a calendar but that doesn't mean she's using it. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when Howard and Robin argue do they talk it out or do they just walk out the door and keep to themselves. Gary said when the show ends he'll go in and talk to Howard about a few things and Robin will wave goodbye. She usually just leaves.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Paul Walker and Howard's car buying. He said that Howard obviously doesn't care about cars at all. He has no passion for them. He said that Paul had a passion for cars and Howard doesn't understand that. He said he knew Roger Rodas and he was a racing guy with a racing license. He had 30-40 high end cars he was into. He said this car is a half a million dollar Porsche and you just want to get in it if you're a car guy. He said it just got out of control.
Jon said that Howard doesn't have the passion but maybe Ronnie or Fred do. Gary said he had a friend who was a car guy and he will see an old Mustang that he'd like to own or something but what is he really going to do with it? Jon said Robin likes cars too. Gary said he just wants heated seats and that kind of thing. Jon said Howard just wants a car that's going to get him where he wants to go. He said no one really likes going out to buy a car. Gary said he does. He said he likes taking cars out on drives. He said that he didn't drive the car he has now. He said they own a Buick too and they like that. Jon said he likes his Acura. He said that they include everything or not. He said they don't nickel and dime you to death.
Gary said he was a Honda guy for a while but they pissed him off so he went to BMW. Then they pissed him off and he moved to Audi so now he's an Audi guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Sal treats him better off the air than he does on the air. Gary said he's a pretty good guy.
Jon gave the caller a $500 gift from SharperImageGifts.com right before the guy was about to hang up. They just told him to say they had the best Wrap Up Show ever and he'd win. The guy did that and he won. They went to break after that.
The caller also said that Robin has been pissing him off a lot lately. He said that every time someone tries to get in touch with her she blames it on something other than herself. He said she never takes the blame for anything related to technology. He said he doesn't think she knows what she's doing.
Gary said that they put out a calendar for the year and he thinks that Robin has come in on an off day. He said that they send out the memo to everyone at the beginning of the year. Gary said Robin is into a lot of gadgets and she hasn't quite mastered them. Gary said that she couldn't get iTunes to work for a while. Gary said he thinks that any sympathy people had for her going through the cancer thing is gone now.
Jon brought up what Howard said about going to camp and how he would imagine being an orphan at camp. He said that was a really interesting take. Jon asked what he was trying to say there. Gary said he was trying to be something he wasn't at home. Gary said he was Shades of Blue at camp. Gary said he didn't have all of that baggage from home at camp and he didn't want his parents fucking that up.
Gary said he was talking to one of his son's friends from college and they found out that he put on this new face at college that he didn't have at home.
Benjy said he went to camp and he loved it. He said that people talked to him at camp. He said when his parents came to visit he had fun but he did like the freedom when they weren't there. Benjy said he could do anything he wanted when he wanted. He said a lot of kids may fantasize about the orphan thing but then the reality hits.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that a lot of kids have that attitude that Howard had. She said that her son is 17 and he's been going since he was 6 or so. She said he didn't care in the beginning but as time went on he had new friends and a whole new world for him. Jon said he can relate to that. He said they do the same with their kids. He said they're happy to see you at first but then you're intruding. Jon said you do take on a different identity at camp. He said that you know there will be an end to it.
Gary said he's never sent his kids to camp but he knows people who have. He said the parents are free for the summer. Jon said it's the greatest thing ever. He said that the kids are at a great place and they're being taken care of. Jon said the house gets a lot crazier when the kids are away. Jon said that you spend so much time with the kids that when they're away you can do whatever you want, guilt free.
Jon asked Gary if he regrets not sending his kids to camp. Gary said he has seen other parents enjoying it and he has thought about it. He said that he asked Jackson if he wanted to go and he was about 6 years old at the time. He wanted to come home every night though so they had to put and end to that. He said they never did send him. Jon said they had to end the show after that.
Jason popped in and said that he had a horrible camp experience. He said that he just wanted to go home. He said he found something he liked doing at a camp and that was shooting a rifle. He said his mom found out about that and said that he wasn't allowed to do it. He said his friends were at home running around in the woods and he just wanted to be home. Jason said his parents would complain about how expensive it was too and he wanted to kill them over that. He said he was just joking about that of course. Jason said it was miserable for him at camp. Jon said camp is not for everyone.
Gary asked if he thinks his mother didn't want to let him shoot guns because she's a pacifist or because he was enjoying it. Jason said it may have been a little bit of both. He said he liked having this powerful thing that he could shoot at. He said that he took a course and then the next day he showed up and the counselor told him that he wasn't allowed to shoot. He said this was a day camp so his mother knew what they were doing there.
Jason said that he would do horseback riding and he'd never get the horse away from the tree. He said he's too fat to ride horses now. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about Kirstie Alley stopping by today. He said he saw her sitcom and it's very funny. He said he sat through two episodes and he enjoyed it. Howard didn't know where it was airing. Fred said it's on TVLand. Howard said the show is funny. He said his problem is that he can never find sitcoms. He said he did like this one a lot though. He said he's anxious to talk to her.
Howard said that Kirstie was on Dancing with the Stars and lost 100 pounds. He said he has to talk to her about that and the stuff going on with Scientology. Howard said that she has said that she has no problem with anyone who leaves any religion. Robin wanted to know if she still talks to Leah Remini. Howard said they'll find out later in the show. Robin said according to Leah no one in Scientology is talking to her after she left.
Howard said he wants to commend one of his fellow broadcasters there at SiriusXM. His name is Sway and he's on Shade 45. Howard said he did an excellent interview with Kanye West. Howard said he wasn't able to get Kanye on the show himself. He said that Sway has this chip on his shoulder and he thinks he's the greatest artist of all time with Shakespeare and Andy Warhol. Howard said Kanye thinks that he's a genius and he should be backed by these corporations because he's such a genius. Howard said if he was such a genius he would just go out and do his own thing. Howard said he never imagined a huge career where people offered him TV shows and things like that. Howard said he never expected any company to bend over and give him anything he wanted. He said he had to go out and prove himself first. Robin said back in the old days you needed sponsorship. She said this is not that day.
Howard said that America isn't based on someone just giving you something. He said if someone doesn't recognize what you can do then you go out and do it yourself. He said that's the American way. Howard said this Kanye thing is wild. He said that if you heard this guy on the street you'd have him locked up. He said he does commend Sway on this great interview. He said they have a whole other world down there at Shade 45. Howard said he went there when they first got there and he got the sense that he should just leave.
Howard played some audio of Kanye talking about how he's the most impactful artist of their generation. He said that the corporations should stand up and let him do his own thing. Sway told him to just do it himself. Kanye said he doesn't have the answers. He said he's been doing this more than him. Kanye said he hasn't been doing the education. Sway tried to calm him down but Kanye was on a roll going off on him. Sway said that he has put out clothing lines himself. Kanye said they don't know the name of his clothing line. Kanye said he didn't have the knowledge so he lost the money. Sway told him he's trying to talk to him as a homie but Kanye didn't want to listen. Sway said he was trying to ask him a question and talk to him like a civilized person. He said he goes to his concert and he wants to hear what he has to say. He said he doesn't have to turn on him like that.
Howard said this is the greatest thing ever. He said that was great. He said that was good radio. Howard said it was a home run. He said that was Sway and Kanye and Sway was right on the money. Howard said when he thinks about his own career he had to prove himself. He said a good lesson is that you don't take your own money and put it into your own clothing line. Howard said you don't have to put up your own money if it's going to be a good thing.
Robin asked why he can't call Sean Jean and see if they'll put out clothes for him. Howard said that she doesn't have to get in his face. He said he's just asking questions. Robin and Howard went back and forth like Kanye and Sway.
Howard said Ralph Lauren is out there too. Robin said he didn't have help starting his company. Robin said he had to figure things out himself. Robin said Kim Kardashian has her own clothing line too so he should ask her about that.
Howard said that he has more clips of Kanye. Howard said he was lecturing people during a concert. Howard played that clip and Kanye stopped the show to ask what was going on with the lights. He was asking why they were fucking with the show. He told someone to turn the lights off and turn them off now. Howard said this is Kanye talking to the man. JD was laughing at the clip and Robin said he must really like it. Howard said maybe he's trying to sell it a little bit. JD said you don't hear people stopping a show in the middle of a concert.
Howard said the other day they heard Underdog talking about her shits and how she has loose stool. Howard said he has heard her talk about this thing before. He said she wants to perform a song solo in church but they won't let her do it. Howard said this clip is Underdog talking to Shuli about this solo song thing. Underdog said that they were allowing another woman in the church to sing solo but not her. She was crying as she was telling Shuli this. She said that they told her that no one voice was more important than any other but now they're letting this woman sing solo.
Howard said he loves the way Shuli talks to her. He said that he talks to her like a shrink. Howard said he whines over people not letting him do things and it's no different than this. Howard said this woman must go in there and hock them to do this thing every day. Howard said they're like pseudo parents to her and she's like a child that's tantruming. Howard said we're all like that in some way in our lives.
Howard asked if Shuli was around. Howard said he has to applaud him for a great interview. Howard said he's working very hard in the news room. Shuli did his low ''shrink'' voice for a second. Shuli said that his wife tells him that this woman is going to find him and put him in her basement some day. Howard said she might fall for him. He said this is what every woman dreams of. Howard said he's sure she's never had this from anyone else. Shuli said she does hit on him in one clip.
Howard played the clip where Underdog talks to Shuli about what happened to her with her surgery and Shuli asked what he could do to help. Underdog says that she can't say anything like that over the air. Shuli told her she can tell him anything over the air. He told her that he'd give her a hug if he could. Underdog laughed.
Howard said that's the first time the line was crossed. He said she crossed it first. Shuli said that there's never a vibe that she's into anyone. Howard asked Shuli if it would be unethical to cross the line with her. Shuli said that you don't give up your sources but he's not sure about banging them. He said she's very religious and hugging and cuddling is like third base to her.
Howard said just imagine Shuli marries Underdog. Howard said he can divorce his wife and marry her. Shuli said he has a clip of her singing in there too. Howard said he has to play that and a Lisa G clip.
Howard said this is what they call hard work around there. Howard said hard work is putting a tape recorder under someone's chair.
Shuli said he found a story about Joey Boots using drugs and alcohol and he did an intervention and it was all Wack Packers who were in the intervention. Howard asked where that is. Gary said he just got it to listen to. Howard told him to just give it to him and he'll play it.
Howard asked where the clip of Underdog singing is. Gary told him where it was so Howard played that first. Underdog was singing a song for a Miss Crustacean pageant. Shuli said that was for a parade for crustacean. He said she finds all of these things and goes to them all. He said she'll dress up as Shelly the Sea Shore Mermaid for that. He said she sometimes just walks down the street and dances and some where she wears costumes. He said she came in first in a costume contest with a couple of kids that were dressed up too. Shuli said she has problems from the infection she had. He said she lost part of her colon so she gets explosive diarrhea and she can't do her jump spins. He said she has to run off the parade when she gets that.
Gary told Howard that they may be able to get her to do the birthday show. Shuli said they have to call her and surprise her with it. Howard said she gets driven over the edge by him. He said anything he says makes her mental. Howard said that she may want to do 4 hours of a song for them. Howard played more of her singing. He said she may need a diaper too.
Robin said they have to talk her into coming out for AGT auditions. Robin said she would love to see the rest of the judges. Howard said if he can make that happen it would be fabulous. Gary said Shuli is very deep into it with her. He said he's way into her world. Shuli said he's way in too deep.
Howard asked how often he speaks to her. Shuli said he tries to talk to her once a week. He said he missed the call last week and she called him and left an angry message. He said she had some anniversary of something that she wanted to talk about. Shuli said he had to fake a fire alarm one day just to get off the phone with her. He said he just went ''Wooo! Wooo!'' to make it sound like a fire alarm.
Howard said Lisa G talks constantly in the news room and Shuli records her. Howard said they just want to get their work done back there and Lisa insists on talking back there. He said she doesn't have a lot of people to talk to so she does it at work. Howard said any thought in her head just comes out. Howard asked where the clip is. Gary told him where that was.
Howard played the audio of Lisa talking about the train accident. She said they have to fix the track. Howard said now they're saying the guy fell asleep while he was driving. Robin said they're saying he was in some kind of hypnotic state. Robin said he sort of drifted off and didn't know what was going on. Howard asked if he thought he was a turtle. Robin said turtles don't know how to drive a train.
Howard replayed Lisa G talking about the train and she was talking about how they use a hole puncher to punch the ticket. Lisa also talked about watching a Barbara Streisand special over the weekend.
Howard asked what Leiberman does during those talks. Shuli said he just grunts. He said he's very grunty in the mornings. Howard and Fred created what that would sound like with clips from Ed Wood. Howard said that Leiberman is stuffing staplers in his ears just to cope. Shuli said there are days when he says he just can't take it. Shuli said he's immune to it after being next to her for 8 years now. He said Jon has to put work into it.
Shuli said that Lisa used to scare him with her gasps. He said she'd gasp over low fat yogurt having fat in it. Shuli said that she'd come in and make an announcement about them charging 10 cents more for lettuce downstairs. Howard said he'd love it if they put a log of what she says on the web site.
Howard asked Shuli if he thinks Leiberman can put it out of his head eventually. Shuli said he thinks so. He said that this goes on all the time and he bets it goes on at her apartment too. Howard said maybe she saves it all up for work.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that he grunts because he wants to respond in some way but he can't formulate an intelligent response to all of her comments. Jon said that she throws things into the universe and just mentions Turkey on Thanksgiving and then she'll pause. He said he's the only one in the room and he feels he has to respond in some way. Howard said he doesn't have to. Jon said it's awkward though and he's trying to figure out what to say. He said she'll do it three times if he doesn't respond. Howard asked if he's every tried not answering. Jon said he will and then she'll just make up her own conversation. Jon said he's never wanted to converse with her about anything in there. He said it's not the right time or the right topic with her.
Howard said it seems to him that Lisa is a nice person. Lisa came in and said she doesn't care about any of this. She said she just has to talk. She said she gets into it when Howard is talking. She said she's not sure why she wants to respond to Howard but she does. Jon asked if Lisa can sit in there during the show. Howard didn't really answer. Jon said when Howard comes on the air she gets a second wind of nothingness. He said she'll start to quiet down around 6 and then Howard comes on and she gets going again.
Howard said Lisa reads the papers and does her monolog. Howard asked what grabbed her attention in the paper today. Lisa said she pitched that Howard could do a Selfie. She said that it's in the news and she thought it would be great if he did one like Kim Kardashian does. She said when she saw it on the cover of the post she thought it was great. Shuli said she screamed ''Oh my god!'' in the news room. Lisa said she did write it down. Howard asked why she has to tell these guys. Lisa said she has no reason for it.
Howard said Lisa talks about eating turkey on Thanksgiving but does she want Jon to respond. Lisa said no. She said she just wants to talk. Jon said sometimes she'll turn her chair and poke her head out and say her comment while looking at him. He said he feels he can't ignore that. He said that's when he grunts. He said if she's just talking to her computer that's okay.
Howard asked Lisa if she does this at home. Lisa said no. She said she only does that when she's there reading the paper and listening to Howard. Howard said she must like having an audience. Lisa said maybe to hear but not to react. Lisa said she gets really fueled up when Howard is on.
Shuli said Jon will put on headphones so it looks like he's working. Lisa said she wishes that Howard could hear what she's saying. Howard said he doesn't want to hear it. He said it's like a show no one wants to hear.
Howard said they did think about putting Lisa on Howard 101 during the show so they can hear her comments. Howard said they figured it was too much trouble for something that people are just going to complain about. Jon said they should do a Birthday Show ticket giveaway by having someone sit in his seat for a day. Lisa said that she wouldn't say things to a stranger that she would say to Jon and Shuli.
Howard congratulated Lisa on a great piece of tape. Howard thanked Jon and Shuli for coming in too. Howard let them go a short time later. Howard played the Underdog singing clip again. They played Gary playing trumpet over her too. Howard said maybe they should have a Miss Crustacean contest there just to get her there. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if that was Popcorn number 1 or 2. Fred said it was just Mother Popcorn. Howard said he listened to James Brown over the weekend.
Howard said he has some tape of Janice Dickinson and she's being cunty in the clip. Howard said she has an internet radio show. Howard said they give people like that jobs there at Sirius. Howard said they give people topics that can't possibly work on radio but they do it. Howard said if 50 people want to hear it then it's fine. Howard said no one wants to hear from Janice Dickinson anymore. He said that she brings up how she doesn't want to fuck him because he's so ugly. Howard said she should look in the mirror. Howard said she was a model and now she's trying to hold onto that face and she looks like the joker. He said he doesn't want to beat her up too much since she's down already.
Howard played the clip and Janice was asking if they would rather sleep with Howard Stern or ''David Leno.'' Howard said she's showing her age when she can't even get that name right. Howard said she sounds like his mom. He said that she's like his 85 year old mother trying to get Jay Leno's name.
Howard played the clip and the other woman on the show said she'd rather have Stern. Janice said Leno has more money. Howard said Janice is a whore who is just into it for the money. Howard said in her mind she would rather bang Leno. Howard said Jay may have a little more money than him. He said that no one has to pay Janice to fuck her. Howard said it's not going to benefit her.
Janice said that she wouldn't bang Howard if he was the last man on earth because he's so ugly. She also mentioned that he's Jewish and they love him for that. Howard said that's an anti-Semitic statement. He said he knows that when he hears it. He said he's had it enough in his life to know it. Howard said the only reason they know of her is because she's so vomitus.
Howard played more of the clip where Janice is talking about how she's seen better faces on battle flags and other places.
Howard said he's not sure why she's so angry. Howard said he might know why actually. He said he was invited out to a bar one nigh when he was single. He said he walked in and Janice was there at the bar trying to look young. Howard said she might be one of the scariest people on the planet. He said that he'll have her on the show to show just how crazy she is. Howard said that's the appeal. Howard said she thinks she's really smart but meanwhile she's not funny and no one is laughing at her. Howard said he had Janice on the show a couple of times. He said her face is so pulled back that she makes weird faces. Howard said he said hi to her and she was saying hi to him. Howard said he basically ran away from her because he didn't want to talk to her. Howard said she asked why he was walking away. He said it was so clear that she did want to fuck him. He said he couldn't be more frightened of a woman than Janice Dickinson. Howard said he'll have her on the show any time but he wasn't looking for aggravation with her at the bar.
Howard said he ran as far away from Janice Dickinson as quickly as he could. Howard said a summer or two ago he saw her walking on the streets of the Hamptons and he said he tried to avoid her. He said she saw them and yelled out to them. Howard said she obviously wants something with him. Howard said he doesn't say that with pride though. Howard said that when she looked like a normal human being he probably would have fucked her. He said now her looks are gone and all they see is crazy bitch. He said all that's left is a mess. Howard said it's hard on a woman when she loses her powers.
Howard said Janice Dickinson is an older woman who should have left her face alone. Robin said she doesn't think that it would have made a difference. Howard said she's trying to hold on to her body and titties. Howard said she's like The Wolverine giving up his powers. He said that's a great idea.
Robin asked why Superman gave up his powers to be with Lois Lane. Howard said they made that up for the movies. Howard said in the comics he fucked Lois. He said he just had to be careful. He was the man of steel so he could have split her in half. Howard said he wishes he'd fuck Janice.
Howard said the feeling is mutual with Janice. Howard said he got to make that choice when he ran away from her in the bar. Howard said at least his face has aged and it's natural. Howard said she let a guy do that to her face. He said she's a dummy. Howard said he might be the only person willing to have her on a normal show and she shits on him. Howard said he's not a braggert but he knows that she wanted him that night at the bar. He said his penis, for the first time ever, wanted to go home and watch TV instead of fucking a woman. Howard said that's how bad Janice looked. Howard said that he runs across the street when he sees her now. Robin said that's painful for a woman like that. Howard said that she only got paid because she was good looking while he's lived with his looks his whole life and still made money. Howard said he'd like to welcome her to the world of ugly because she's in it. Howard said she can keep dreaming about the day she wasn't in it but now guys will run from her. Howard said she has to figure out how to get guys. Howard said he doesn't need to do that now.
Howard got a note from Gary saying that they passed on her asking to come on the show the last few times. Howard said that he will expose people like this. He said he would never bring up that fact if she didn't attack him. Howard said if she's going to attack then he's going to expose them.
Howard said he was in a meeting with Gary yesterday and he was coughing stuff up. Howard said Gary handed him a pen that he was coughing into during the meeting. Howard said he asked him not to hand him that pen. He asked Jim McClure to hand him the pen instead. Howard said Gary had pictures that he was holding and he didn't want to touch those either. Howard said he's trying desperately to stay healthy and Gary looks at him like he's insane. Howard said he just doesn't want to touch anything he has touched after coughing.
Gary came in and said he's fine but something was going on in that meeting. He said nothing was coming up. Howard said there was something coming up. Gary said that Howard refused to touch the pictures so he had to hold them. Gary said that he told the guys in the office and they thought it was nuts. Howard said that he doesn't want to touch a pen he was coughing into for an hour.
Howard said Gary licked his thumb and then moved the pictures. Gary said that might be true. Howard said then he was holding it. Howard said he's grossed out by it. He said this fucking guy is coughing and then licking his finger and moving the picture. Howard said Gary doesn't even know he has a cold. Gary said Howard left yesterday and he sounded just like he sounds this morning. Howard said he was coughing yesterday and there's something going on with him. He said he has a chest cold or something.
Gary said the entire office is sick but all he sees is him. Howard said Gary was the one who was coughing. Howard said he can't monitor everyone in the office. Howard asked who was sick in the meeting. Gary said he isn't going to say. Howard said he should be protecting him. Gary said he can't talk about this. Howard asked why. Gary said he just can't. He said the person is above him. Howard said he should still say it. Howard said he should tell him in private. Gary said he thought it was obvious. Howard said he wants to know if he thinks someone is sick.
Gary said he doesn't know how to explain it but when Howard looks at him he gets sicker. Howard said now he sounds like Janice Dickinson. Howard said he wants to move on now. Robin said that Gary may just have things in his lungs rattling on.
Gary said that Jason was saying that he can't believe that he still gets nervous around Howard after all these years. Howard said he loves his boff and that's why.
The caller said that Quebec wants to be its own country and doesn't want to be part of Canada. Howard said that's why he was kicked off the air up there. Howard said he was number one within one day on radio up there. Howard said that they're not France up there and they got upset about what he was saying about France.
Howard said he'll give the guy a shot at winning. Howard said that they are going to play a game to win tickets. Howard went through some of the rules and said that you can enter to win tickets on HowardStern.com or SiriusXM.com.
Howard said Gary has a game in his hand. Gary said he has like 5 games. He said that he has a Big Foot game where they have to guess if he'll know what certain things mean. Howard said they asked him if he knows what Viagra is. Howard said he's giving him one shot at this. He said he thinks he's heard Big Foot talk about Viagra before. He could be wrong though and it could be the guy who does the impression of Big Foot.
Howard asked the caller, Vinnie, what he thinks. Vinnie said he's going to go with yes. Howard played Big Foot's answer and he got it right. He said it gives you a hard on. Howard said that he got it right so he won tickets. Howard put him on hold. Howard said it's going to be a great night.
Gary told Howard that he booked 3 guests he hasn't told him about. Howard said he did tell him one this morning. Gary said there are two others that he hasn't told him about. Howard said it should be great. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said the pope came out and said that he was a bouncer at a bar in Buenos Aries. Howard said that he's seeming like a more normal guy every day.
Howard said that there's a rumor going around saying that Robin forgot she was supposed to be on Andy Cohen's show tonight and she has delayed it by a week. Robin said she has delayed it but she doesn't know about how much. Robin said she broke her toe and she had to make some changes. Robin said she hit the foot of her sofa and broke her toe. Howard said it really can fuck you up when you do something like that. Robin said it hurt like hell when she did it. She said she just took it because she was on the phone and didn't want to yell.
Howard said he puts shoes on all the time. Howard said he doesn't want to break his toe again. He said it's so stupid and painful.
Howard said he thinks he has some songs about Robin and her calendar. Robin said it just happened yesterday. She said that can't be. Howard said he listened to them last night. Gary told him where they were. They had 3 songs already.
Howard played the first song which was by Richard Christy. He sang ''Robin's Not a Calendar Girl.'' Howard said Robin called him last night and wished him a Happy New Year. Robin asked when they return from vacation. Howard said she was CC'd on that. Howard said he's had it with her. Howard said he knows she got the schedule. Robin said Howard doesn't have all the answers.
Howard played another song parody about Robin. That song was to a Christmas song. Howard said that was Eli Braden.
Howard said yesterday they played tape of people who were in love with inanimate objects. Howard asked Robin if she knows what that's called. Howard said it's like Objectum Sexualus. Howard said that's when you fall for a bridge or a car or even a monopoly board. Howard said JD dressed up as a table today so he can have some woman like that fall in love with him.
Howard said there was a study done that ranks states by penis size. Howard said North Dakota has the biggest by average in the United States. Rhode Island is second. Howard said South Dakota is 3. New York is number 9 and South Carolina is 10. Howard said he's not sure how they know this. Robin said they don't know.
Benjy said he looked it up and he thinks that it was a study done by Condomania. He said that the South Carolina thing doesn't make sense because there are more black people down there. Howard said that's a myth that they have bigger penises. Benjy said it is not a myth.
Howard said there's a lot of Paul Walker pictures in the paper. Howard said he's like the next James Dean. Howard said there are photo montages all over the place. Howard said he doesn't want that happening when he dies. Howard said he has one bad hair style after another in his photos. Howard said he goes places and poses and doesn't turn out as good as Paul Walker. Howard said it must be a blessing to be that good looking. Howard said he should have just sat home looking that good. Howard said he didn't need to be driving cars.
Howard said he has to take a break before Kirstie Alley comes in. Howard said she did the Match Game before she was famous. He said it's online and it's funny to see. Howard said they had Brett Summers on the show and she was barely famous. Howard said Charles Nelson Riley was on the show making fun of her. Howard said they had some actor from a show you've never heard of. Howard said Dick Martin was on the show and so was Jamie Lee Curtis. Howard said Gene Rayburn would come out with that long microphone that looked like a penis. Howard said the guy looked like he wanted to fuck the shit out of Kirstie Alley. Howard said they never even said she was an actress. He said they called her an interior designer. Howard said she wasn't working as an actress at the time. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what song he missed. Fred told him it was the Metallica song. Howard said he wanted to hear a little but it was near the end. Howard said that's beautiful. Howard said it makes him want to be in a band.
Howard asked where Kirstie Alley is. Robin said she thinks she's in her dressing room. Howard said he didn't know she was there. Howard said he has a lot of questions for her. Howard said Billy Joel has a lot of fans in the area there in New York. He said that he's signed on to do a show once a month at Madison Square Garden. Howard said it's like what Celine Dion or Britney Spears has been doing lately. Howard said they do that in Vegas and they have a set location for doing shows. Howard said that Billy is going to work out of Madison Square Garden as long as people want him to. Robin said that was a great announcement yesterday. She said some of the shows have already sold out. Howard said Billy still has a strong voice. He said he knows Billy and he doesn't do any exercises with his voice. It's just natural.
Howard read some email and some people were slamming Shuli for the stuff they talked about yesterday. Howard said he got some positive feedback for Richard Christy. He also got some mail about the car shopping he's been doing. Someone told him to leave King of All Blacks off the phone because he kills the show. Howard said a lot of people are getting slammed in the email.
Howard said that someone wrote about how he corrected Jeff the Drunk's grammar and he doesn't do that with King of All Blacks or Gary. Howard said he doesn't have great grammar either. He said he asks Beth to correct him when he gets it wrong. He said he has a Someday Maybe list and that's on the list. He said he'd like to take a class. He said he hopes Robin would go with him.
Howard said Kirstie has said that she was eating 8,000 calories a day at one point. Kirstie said she was drinking Stewarts grape soda. She said she was having about 12 a day. She said you don't think that it's that bad for you but it was intense. She said she was trying to be Donna Reed that summer. Howard said he's annoyed by people who can eat whatever they want. He said he can't do that himself. He said he would like to get his stomach completely fat and he can't even do that. Kirstie said that's wheat. Howard said that's not wheat. He said that gluten free shit is such bullshit. Howard said he doesn't know how wheat became gluten.
Howard said he saw Kirstie's new sitcom and he hates sitcoms. He said he enjoyed her show. Howard said if he doesn't like something he won't talk about it on the air. He said he really did like this show. Howard said he likes that they have Michael Richards in the show. Howard said the guy is brilliant. Howard said he used to watch him on the show Fridays and he was great on that show. Howard said he really got known on that show. He said it was like a Saturday Night Live kind of show. Howard said he thought Richards career was dead.
Howard asked if Kirstie had anything to do with the casting of the show. She said she did. She said that she and Rhea Perlman worked together on Cheers. She said they didn't think they were going to be able to get Michael. She said that he was on Seinfeld and that was such a huge show. She thought that he was going to be very picky about the shows he did. She said Michael came in for the part and the network wanted to see them all together. She said that Michael came in and they just wanted to see how they worked together. She said that's what the networks like to do. They want to see if you have a connection and charisma.
Howard asked if Michael acts extra nice to the black people on the set. Kirstie didn't say. She just said ''Oh my god.'' Howard said that maybe they got him at the right time. Howard said people hold on to that N-word thing he did. Kirstie said that she fucked up recently herself. She said she can't tell him what she did though. She said she said something to her family and it upset them. Kirstie said she said something that could upset her family. Howard asked if it was the N-word. Kirstie said she loves that he calls it the N-word. Kirstie said she loves when they do that with the C-word. She said that she has only used it twice. She said that she likes ''gash'' better than other words. Howard said that snatch can be kind of disgusting. Kirstie said that no word is off limits. She said if it makes her laugh she doesn't care.
Kirstie said that she and Howard share a birthday. Howard said that's right. He said that Rush Limbaugh and Rob Zombie do too.
Howard said he loves Kirstie for slamming Roman Polanski. Howard said he raped a 13 year old girl. Kirstie said that you just don't get to escape certain things. She said the crime was just too much. She said that some people forgive you if you're an artist. She said that rape isn't something you can apologize for and get away with it.
Howard said that Kirstie was an interior designer. Howard asked if she ever had casting couch things happening and if she was ever raped. Kirstie said she made a decision when she moved to Hollywood that she would only go to legitimate offices in legitimate buildings. She said she knows people who had meetings in hot tubs and she knows there isn't anything good that can come from that.
Howard said Kirstie got successful pretty quickly. She got into the Star Trek movie and that was her first break. She said that was her first break ever. Howard said he watched her on The Match Game and Gene Rayburn looked like he wanted to fuck her brains out. Kirstie said he never came on to her. She said that she can make someone look very bad if they come on to her the wrong way. She said she puts them in their place. Howard said after one of her marriages she said she regretted sleeping with someone who had a small penis. Kirstie said that it wasn't just small. She said it was like the size of a 4 year old. She said that he should have had an announcement that said it was so small. She said it was almost invisible. Howard asked if it was like that flaccid or erect. She said both. She said that he was like an eraser. She said if he had just said it to her then she would have been okay.
Howard asked if the guy was famous. She said he was. She said that if he had just told her ahead of time she would have been fine. Kirstie said she was having fun at that time of her life and she had slept with 4 guys. She said that she thought it was smarter to have sex with men instead of marrying them. She said she got married very young. She was 16 when she met the first guy she married. Kirstie said he knows a lot. Howard said he knows everything about her. Howard said she married that guy at 20. Howard asked if her parents went berserk. She said that was normal back then. Howard asked if his penis was good. She said it was great. She said that was worth marrying for.
Howard said that Kirstie's mother died right as she got the Star Trek job. Kirstie said it happened right before. She said that her parents were in a car accident and her mother died and her dad was hurt very seriously. She said they waited for her to test again for the movie. She said that they told her she had the part in that room that day. She said it was remarkable. Howard said that the first job that people have in Hollywood is usually the best one they get. Howard said that it's unusual for them to be patient with you when something like that happens.
Howard asked how many times she had to audition for the movie. She said she had to do it 5 times. She said she had very tiny jeans on and she had no money so she had just enough to buy that outfit. Kirstie said that was her good luck outfit. It was also the only one she had.
Howard asked if she had an agent. She said she did. She said the second they said they were hiring her she got the paperwork for the agent thing. She said she's never seen paperwork fly so fast.
Howard asked if she ever went to any of the conventions. She said she went to one but back then it wasn't cool like it is now. She said they were asking her about what Warp Speed meant and she had no idea. Howard said they have even weirder stuff now. He said there are guys who are into My Little Pony who have conventions.
Howard asked Kirstie if she had dreams of being an actress as a child. She said she did. She said that she didn't start acting until she was 30. She said they assumed she was around 23 though. Howard said when they find out she's 30 they sometimes don't want you.
Howard asked if she was good at interior design. Kirstie said she was good. She said people would pay her $100,000 and tell her to just go do her thing. Howard asked if she went to school for that. She said she didn't go to school for anything. Kirstie said when she was 16 she fell in love and she didn't think she was going to be an actress or anything. She said she moved to L.A. to get into Scientology. She said she was fucked up and she had an awareness that she was dead as a being. She said she could feel that she had smashed her life force. She said that she did that with drugs. Kirstie said that she didn't do drugs until she was 25. She said she got divorced and started hanging out with a guy who had done all of his drugs but he had friends. She said she heard that cocaine would make her happy and peppy so she tried it. She said wanted to do that every day for the rest of her life after trying it once.
Howard said Kirstie got to write her mother a letter for being a bad kid right before she died. Howard said she probably appreciated that. Kirstie said she thinks she did. Kirstie said that her mother was afraid that she was going to be raped. She said that men would say she had bedroom eyes and her mother thought they were being pervy. She said her mother had experiences in her life that she didn't want her to have. Kirstie said she had only slept with one person in her life and her mother assumed that she was like a hooker after the divorce when she fell for one other guy. Kirstie said her mother must have thought she was promiscuous along the way.
Howard said Kirstie looks like she can fuck like a wild woman. Kirstie said looks must be deceiving. Howard said maybe they are. Howard said Kirstie wasn't a bad kid or getting into trouble. She said she had her times. Howard said she must have just been fighting back. Howard asked why she wrote her this apology. Kirstie said she was having issues and this is part of the Scientology thing. She said she had to take responsibility for some of the things she did as a child. She said that she was kind of wild. She said she said things that she didn't actually do when her parents would ask her.
Howard asked if it haunts her that her mother never got to see her get her movies. Kirstie said she's not like that. She said there are people who won't let you off the hook but she will never play that game.
Howard said there was a time when she was on drugs after the Star Trek thing. She said that people think there were no drugs in Kansas but that's just not true. She said she loves Kansas though and she still has a house there. She said she goes back often when she's not working.
Howard said Kirstie thinks that she was the bad one in her marriage. She made out with a guy while she was married. Kirstie said she was only 20 when she was married and she thought she was old. Kirstie said when she got divorced at 24 she thought she was used up and wasted. She said that's when she started doing drugs.
Howard asked Kirstie if she's upset that she wasn't able to work that marriage out. She said she's not but she sees people who have been together so long and she's envious of them.
Howard asked Kirstie about how she got into the Scientology thing and how she knew how to get into it. She said she didn't know how to get into it. She said she had a friend in town who was into it. She didn't know much about it. She asked if they could help her with compulsions and her friend sent her the book Dianetics. She said she was high the whole time she was reading the book. Howard said he has to be high to read a book too. Kirstie said that she got to the end of the book and it was either the world's biggest sham or the biggest discovery. She decided to move to California to find out. Howard asked if she told her parents what she was doing. She said she did. Kirstie said her parents didn't even know what cocaine was when she told them that she was strung out on it. Kirstie said that she told them she was going to do Scientology. She said on her birthday her mother handed her a present and it was a dictionary. Her mom told her to look up the word ''cult'' in there. Kirstie said it was very benign and it didn't scare her. She said she knew she could get out if she had to.
Howard asked what religion isn't a cult. Kirstie said that we can all agree that their own religion is right and everyone else's is wrong.
Howard said he thinks it's crazy when people criticize scientology. He said every region is crazy. He said it's all insane. Kirstie said she doesn't take it all literally. Howard said he knows people who take everything literally. Kirstie said that she has read the bible and she thinks there are parts of every religion that are stunning and poignant that she could adopt in her own life. She said that it's a big generality to diss every religion.
Kirstie said that she doesn't care what religion you are. She said she will have your back no matter what religion you are if you're being attacked. Kirstie said that it's a faith you have to give you hope. She said that it's really wrong to do that to people.
Howard asked if she's upset that Leah Remini is so vocal about leaving Scientology. Kirstie said she has hundreds of friends who have come in and left Scientology. She said that they aren't forced to stay in. She said when you generalize and your goal is to malign an entire group, that's not right. She said there are her enemy if you go around doing that. Robin asked if she's seen Leah at all. Kirstie said she hasn't seen her in like 7 years. She said she didn't care if she was in or out. Howard asked if she will block her on Twitter. Kirstie said she has blocked her. She said she's a bigot. She said that she's going around saying that they're all bad and that's not a friend. She said that she won't have people in her life that are that.
Robin asked if she's in a religion that kicks people out. Kirstie said that we've all kicked people out of our lives. She said that it's about what someone is doing or what someone has done. She said the Catholics will excommunicate or the Amish will shun. She said that's what religions do.
Howard asked Kirstie about getting the job on Cheers to replace Shelly Long. Howard said Kirstie walked in and replaced her. Howard said when a network sees a downward swing they get rid of someone. Howard said she must have been shitting a brick. Kirstie said she wasn't. She said that her mother always said she had a guardian angel and that angel must have known how clumsy she was. She said she got the call to do Cheers from Jimmy Burrows after seeing her do Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. She said that they wanted to see her but she hadn't done TV yet. She said she was doing a movie with Sidney Poitier. She said she was going to do one year of that show and then she'd show that she could do romantic comedy movies.
Kirstie said that she signed a one year contract for Cheers. She said that you never see that in TV. Kirstie said she thought she was going to be out after a year. She wanted to get into more movies. Howard said the ratings went up with Kirstie on the show. Howard said that negotiation must have been great. She said it was stellar. Kirstie said the whole business is funny. She said she can't take it seriously. She said it's like every day is Christmas. Kirstie said Howard gets to come in and do this show in a great studio. She said she didn't know how life could be better when she was on Cheers.
Howard asked if she knew it was a hit show on TV. She said she did and she was hoping it would become number 1. Howard said he wanted to go to the shittiest radio stations and just go up from the bottom. Kirstie said she wants a radio show. Howard said they can put her on the air tonight if she wants.
Howard said Kirstie joined the cast and she went from making what to making what. Kirstie said she never talks about money. She said she will say that it upped what she was making by 5 times. She said that she was making good money and they multiplied that by 5. Howard said that she must have had a hard time believing that was happening. She said it was dumb money. She said she had the agenda to do it for one year and she ended up sticking with it.
Howard asked Kirstie about her marriage to Parker Stevenson. She said that she will work on something for a long time but when she decides she's done, she's done. She said it's been very hard with Parker because they have kids. She said that they'd like to have dinners together but she can't do it. She said she wants to keep working on that though. Robin said she once thanked him for giving her the big O in an awards show. She said that's true.
Howard said George Takei does the show regularly and he intimated that she and William Shatner had some sort of liaison. Kirstie said that is 100 percent not. She said she didn't get along so well with Bill back then. She said they get along just fine now though. She said she had a crush on Merritt Butrick. She said that she and Bill didn't get along very well back then. Kirstie said that Bill is Star Trek. She said that he probably didn't think she was a good actress. She said he made her a little nervous about her acting.
Kirstie said that she would go out drinking until 4 in the morning during the movie shoot. She said she'd call a car to come and pick her up. Howard said she did the opposite of what he was doing in his early career. Kirstie said she wouldn't recommend that to anyone.
Kirstie said that she flubbed a line in the movie and she was in the elevator with Bill. She said that he kept asking her what her line was and it was making her nervous. She said she decided to stop drinking and learn her lines after that. She said someone did take her aside and tell her to study with someone. She said that she thinks that Bill suggested that. She said the acting coach asked her to cut out a picture of the person who represents her the best. She said she picked up a picture of a jaguar and said that's what she thinks her character is. Kirstie said the guy said ''Ah, very good.'' She said that got her out of her prison.
Howard asked if she was able to mourn her mother's death at all. Howard said this happened just before the movie. Howard asked if she ever sued the woman who was drunk driving when she killed her mother. Kirstie said that she didn't. She said that everyone in the room had driven drunk at some point and she wanted them all to shut the fuck up if they had. Kirstie said she thinks the woman was arrested but she never followed up. She said the worst penalty is having killed someone and having to live with that. Howard said he smoked some weed and drove but never drank and drove. Kirstie said she has done it. Kirstie said that some of her family members have too. She said it's not right. Howard said she seems very evolved.
Howard said Kirstie was in the movie Guess Who's Talking 2 and she thought that John Travolta was the greatest love. She said that she was married but she saw that John was very gamy. She said he's not afraid to act stupid and do dumb skits. She said he's very interested in what you have to say. She said that he will talk to you and you become the most interesting person. She said that he's very interested in people. Howard said that's great for a woman. Kirstie said that he's very handsome too. Howard asked if he would have acted on it with her. Kirstie said they both wanted to. She said they both definitely did. She said John asked her if she wanted to do something and she had the strength to say no. Kirstie said she doesn't regret that. She said it took her years to not look at him in a romantic way. She said she's friends with his wife now. She said she used to bust her for looking at him in a romantic way and she'd deny it.
Howard asked about the gay rumors about John. She said that she has been told that 3 of her friends are gay and she knows for a fact that they're not. She said she has had people tell her that they've slept with these people and she knows they're lying. Kirstie said that she thinks people do this to discount people or just do it for the money. She said there's something wrong with that.
Kirstie said that they used to clown around on the set and they'd flirt like crazy. She said that it's hard not to fall in love on the set of a movie or TV show. Kirstie said that she would fall in love every 3 years when she was doing movies and TV. Howard asked if she would ever get married again. Kirstie said she would. She said she loved marriage.
Howard asked Kirstie about not having sex for 4 years when she was obese. She said the fattest she's ever been was 230 pounds. She said she's 5'8'' tall. She said there are people on The Biggest Loser who get down to that weight and they look fine. Howard said with Kirstie it's because she's such a beauty. Howard said she has those looks and it's her duty to keep them. Kirstie said she agrees that it's expected.
Howard said Kirstie lectured him about what he said about Gabourey Sidibe. Howard said he got slammed when he said that there aren't that many roles for women of that size. Howard said he was just being honest. Howard said he thinks that Kirstie said something about that. Kirstie said she may have and she has a reason. She said that she got a lot of roles being overweight. Howard said he stands corrected then.
Kirstie said if you're hired when you're fat then they know what they're getting. Kirstie said she was kind of a bait and switch herself. She said she started out one way and then she got fucking fat and it changed. She said it was horrible for her. She said she didn't have good eating habits her whole life. She said she turned 53 and all of a sudden everything went haywire. She said she wasn't expecting that. Kirstie said she had her own issues with that. She said then it went public and she was in the tabloids all the time.
Howard asked if she would go home and cry or just say fuck them. Kirstie said she knew she was overweight. She said that Photoshop goes both ways. She said they made her look even worse. She said she would go to an event one night and she wondered what she looked like. She wondered if she was the fat fuck or the other pictures. She said that she was just screwed.
Howard asked if she's against this plastic surgery thing. Kirstie said she doesn't have any. She said it's a tough call though. She said that you wonder if it'll make you look odd or not. She said she has a friend who looks amazing after surgery but there are so many others that look odd. She said she won't even do Botox. Howard said he thinks you look ridiculous. Kirstie said she's afraid that injecting botulism into your face will have future repercussions. Howard said no one knows what it really does to you.
Howard asked if Kirstie is debating on whether or not to do something with her face. She said that when she did Star Trek they told her that she had baggy eyes. Howard said he has a friend who went through that and got the bags removed. Howard said kids have baggy eyes. He said it's just not right.
Kirstie said the worst part of being heavy was not being able to move. Howard said that when you get heavy you can't go up stairs. He said you have to move fast. Kirstie said she didn't lose as much weight doing Dancing with the Stars as people say she did. She said she had lost about 25 before the show and then another 15 while she was on the show.
Howard said he can't stand that Kirstie liked that Max guy on Dancing with the Stars. Kirstie said that they hit it off on that show. She said it was on a friendship level though. She said she didn't think about him romantically.
Howard asked if Kirstie flies with John Travolta on his plane. She said she does. She said that he has been the pilot. Kirstie said that he likes flying was back in the 60s and he loves those uniforms. She said that she thinks he wet his pants because he was so excited one time. Howard asked if he makes the announcements on the plane like the pilot. She said that what he does is act very professional. She said that he's the real pilot and he really knows what he's doing. Howard asked if she really trusts him. Kirstie said that he took her on a plane to the Virgin Islands when they were doing Look Who's Talking. She said that she asked him to land and that gave her some power. She said that she started flying only in private planes. She said she asked them to just land if she felt she had to land. Kirstie said she has some control and having any control gave her that power. She said she's not afraid to fly now.
Howard asked if they ever fly with other famous people. She said she has. She said she flew with everyone when they went to his birthday party. She said Sean Penn and other people were on the flight. Howard asked if Jack Nicholson was on the plane. She said he wasn't but she loves Jack. She said that she would still love to do Jack. She said that he was in her limo once when she got into it. He said that he was in there and asked if she was married. She said she told him she was married and she said okay and got out of the limo.
Howard asked if Kirstie uses a vibrator. She said she's not that kind of girl. She said she feels like it's cheating in some way. She said she's had a boyfriend from the age of 15 and it's hard work to have a relationship. She said when she got single she was in nirvana. She said now she's missing it sort of. Kirstie said she hasn't had a real boyfriend in 13 years now. She said she needs to be able to do her thing. Howard said that's what guys don't understand. Howard said that they have to give them room.
Howard gave Kirstie plugs for her new TV show after saying he didn't realize how late it was. Howard took a call from Ralph who had seen Kirstie's new TV show. Ralph said he really likes the show. He said there are so many shitty shows out there and this show is great. He said the Karaoke episode was great.
Howard said the new show is great. He said Rhea Perlman is great in it and so is the guy who plays her son. Howard said that it's very well done and well acted. Howard said he watched it and he's glad he was able to tell her it's good. Ralph said that he wasn't sure it was going to be good but it turns out it was.
Howard and Ralph were goofing around about being gay together and he said that if he really was gay he would do it with Ralph. Kirstie said that she would do it with Angelina Jolie if she was gay. Howard said he can't even think about Beth doing another woman. He said that he's too jealous to let that happen.
Ralph asked Kirstie what kind of crazy stuff she did when she was coked up. She said when she's with one man that's enough for her. She's very monogamous.
Howard said Kirstie Alley premiers tonight on TVLand. Howard said he's not sure where that is. Kirstie said it's a great channel but you have to look around a bit for it but they give you lots of freedom. Howard said that's where it's at these days. He said you do it on cable instead of the networks. Howard said he does recommend that you check out her show. The show is called ''Kirstie.'' Howard asked if they had any alternate names for the show. She said one of them was ''Giant Baby.'' She said that they wanted to call it Kirstie. She said that her name isn't Kirstie in the show but they tricked her by saying that Cosby was the name of Bill Cosby's show and his name was Huxtable on the show.
Howard asked if she fell in love with Patrick Swayze when she did that movie with him. She said she did fall for him. She said she loves his wife and she would never want to hurt her. Howard asked why she didn't just fuck him. She said that she believes in being faithful in a marriage. She said she did kiss him but that was it.
Howard asked Kirstie if she does colonics. She said she is mixed on that. She said she does other things for Scientology. Howard asked her what her stance is on rice. She said she loves rice. Howard told her not to bring that up there. Robin laughed.
Kirstie told Howard about the toxins that we have in our lives and how Tom Cruise created a program for the first responders from 9/11 that has saved so many of them. Howard asked if she hangs with Tom. She said she just saw him and she loves Tom.
Gary came in and said that they had a news story about Tom being with Laura Prepon. Kirstie said she loves Laura. Howard gave Kirstie some more plugs and said he really did love her show. Howard said that the kid who plays her son is great but he doesn't know his name. Kirstie said that his name is Eric Peterson. Kirstie said she'd love to come back. Howard said she can come back any time. They went to break after that.
Howard said they were just talking about Xbox One and it's so smart that it'll give you a technical foul if you curse. Howard played a clip of a guy yelling at his Xbox for giving him that foul.
Howard said they played some audio of a kid playing Call of Duty yesterday and some British guy was yelling at a guy. Howard said today he has a clip of an 8 year old playing Grand Theft Auto and cursing like crazy. Howard said this is where the games are getting crazy. He said it's bringing adults in with kids and it's nuts. Howard said this adult is trying to reason with an 8 year old. The kid was begging someone to help and come in his plane. Howard said this kid is annoying. Howard said he doesn't think he should be playing with kids. The kid was cursing the guy out and saying his mom has donkey balls in her mouth and things like that. Howard said that kid was burying the guy. Howard said he has a headache hearing that clip.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she took her boyfriend and gave him a surprise last night. She said she had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. She said that her boyfriend walked in and saw her sitting there and he had no idea what to do. She said she had toys sitting there on the table. Howard said he's beating off to this story. The caller, Beth, said she had a magic wand, a glass dildo and a butt plug... Howard cut her off and said he was finished so she can call back in next week with the rest of the story.
Beth told Howard that she was going to have the girl act like a slave there. Howard said he'd call the cops if someone asked him to do that. Howard asked if she's hot. Beth said she is. She said that she asked her friend if she wanted to give her boyfriend a surprise. She was willing to help. She said she didn't have sex with him at all. Howard asked her to cut to the chase. Howard said he's running out of time. She said that the friend didn't get naked. Howard said he's put it back in his pants after hearing this. He said she's really bad at telling a sexy story. Beth said she was sucking his dick while the other girl was kissing his ass. She asked if that was hot. Howard said he's so sorry he picked up the phone. He said goodbye to her after that. Howard said he lost patience. He said he's running out of time today and he had to get out of that story.
Howard played a clip of a woman vomiting while giving oral to some guy. Howard sounded shocked by that. He said that was the fun clip of the day.
Robin started off with a story about popular dog names. Rover, Max and Bella are the most popular according to Rover.com. Robin said Charlie is the second most popular boy dog name. Robin mentioned a few other names that are popular right now too.
Robin read a story about a woman who was offering topless hair cuts but now she's been arrested. Robin said it turns out she was doing more than hair cuts. She was having sex for money as well. Robin said that she was arrested.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he read a story the other day about a game show where a gay guy has 40 minutes to blow a straight guy. Howard said he's seen it. Howard said it's a great show. He said they put the straight guy in a box and the tell the straight guy that he's going to have a gay guy come in and blow him. Howard said they put the guy in a box so you see his face and waist. Howard said that the straight guy says he's getting hard and he wins money if he doesn't cum. The caller said the greatest part is when this fat guy walks in and he's the gay guy. Howard said the guy thinks he won't cum but then he's done. Howard said it's such a great game show. Howard said he's sure he could win this game show. Howard said he knows he wouldn't cum when some guy like that blows him. Howard said he should play with Fred. Fred said no way. Howard said when George Takei comes in they'll do that.
The caller said he got cut off last week when he brought up the movie ''Contracted.'' He said that his point was that he's in a film critic group and they get to see these things. He said that they sent that movie out for awards consideration. Howard said maybe they can talk about this on another channel. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he's such a douche. She said that he always gives away tickets to guys and not women. Howard said he'll give her a pair then. She started crying. Howard said that he'll give her the tickets and said it's going to be a great show. Howard said he was about to hang up on her and give them to the next woman on the phone. Howard asked what she looks like. She said she has blond hair and she has been listening for over 20 years. Howard said that didn't answer his question. She said she's kind of Jodi Foster-ish but she really can't say. Howard said you can win tickets through his web site too.
Robin read about something called a Super Ticket that will allow people to see a movie before its release date. Robin had some audio of Will Ferrell doing his Ron Burgundy character announcing the super ticket. Howard said he saw Will doing a news report as a real anchorman. He said it was really funny. Robin said he must own part of the movie because he's working really hard at this. Howard said he should be working it.
Robin read about Rolling Stone's top 50 list of songs and had the top 5 for Howard to play. Robin said number 1 was Vampire Weekend. She had Howard play a clip of that and then Kanye West, Daft Punk, Paul McCartney and Arcade Fire.
Howard said Billboard had a list of the top 30 Jewish artists. Howard said that Pink is on the list. Benjy said that she's in some odd branch of Judaism. Howard said you're either Jewish or not. Benjy said she's not traditionally Jewish. Gary said that her mother is Jewish according to Wikipedia. Howard said she's Jewish then. Howard read that Paula Abdul is Jewish. Benjy said both parents are Jewish. Howard said Helen Reddy is Jewish. Billy Joel is number one. David Lee Roth is on the list. He said that Mark Knopfler, Lenny Kravitz, Susanna Hoffs, Barbara Streisand, Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, Adam Levine, Michael Bolton, Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and others were on the list.
Robin read a story about Jay Z and Beyonce going vegan. Robin had some audio of one of Jay Z's songs. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Jason Kidd stopping a game by pouring water on the court. Gary said that cost him 50 grand in fines. Gary said they caught him by reading his lips where he told another player to knock it out of his hand.
Robin read a story about a video on YouTube that's getting a lot of views after a week. Robin had some audio from the video where they encourage kids to join clubs at the school.
Robin read that the tests of the conductor of the train in the train derailment there have come back negative. Robin said his union is saying he just fell asleep. Someone else is saying that he was in a trance. Gary said if he dozed off then it's an accident. If he was speeding then it's his fault. He thinks they may be trying to keep him out of jail.
Robin had a clip of President Obama talking about the affordable care act and how it's there to stay. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about President Obama's uncle from Kenya being allowed to stay in the United States. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said that his uncle was approved for residency. He was told to leave in the 90s but he stayed. Robin said he's just been staying here.
Robin said the mega millions jackpot continues to grow. Robin said that the next drawing will be worth at least $291 million.
Robin said the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lights will be turned on tonight. Howard said that's his worst nightmare. He said he has to be somewhere at 3:30 and he won't be able to get there. Robin said he's right because today is a gridlock alert day. Howard said it's the worst day. He said he can't tell her how awful that is.
Robin asked if it's wrong to release the 9-1-1 calls from the Sandy Hook shooting. Howard said it is wrong. Howard said 9-1-1 should be sacred. He said you should be able to call and not worry about being ridiculed. Robin said it's a freedom of information issue and they will be released this afternoon. Howard said now the families have to suffer again. He said it's wrong to play them.
Robin said that the United States is at the top of the list of countries that give the most around the world. Robin said we're up from number 5 to number 1.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears being on Ellen Degeneres' show talking about her boyfriend and how he forgot to call her back for a really long time. Howard said Britney has that vocal fry thing going on now. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about Britney and how she's arrived in Las Vegas. She had some audio of some guy introducing her at Planet Hollywood.
Robin read a story about Dennis Rodman going back to North Korea. Robin said that some other players will join him to play basketball over there. Robin said Rodman will be going in mid-December. Rodman is going to train the North Korean team before the exhibition game. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said there are other people there who are much more sick than Gary is right now. He said if Howard gets sick then Gary is going to get blamed. He said he's not sure how fair that is but that's the way it goes. Jon said Howard has admitted that he's crazy and over analyzes this stuff. He said that he has warned Gary to take precautions. He said Gary did that when he wore gloves and a mask. He said yesterday he made the mistake of gagging and coughing in the meeting.
Jason said Gary's major mistake is forgetting that Howard is hyper focused on him. He said after 30 years of this you'd think he wouldn't be surprised by it. He said Howard is focused on Gary. He said he has had to try and not laugh at Gary during some of the meetings the past couple of weeks. He said Gary was wearing a mask in the last one and it looks ridiculous. He said yesterday was just how Gary described it. He was fine in the morning and fine in the afternoon. Then in the meeting he was coughing.
Jon said Gary will show up at the parking garage at the same time and he's fine. Then he's in front of Howard and something happens. Jason said maybe Gary just can't handle the spotlight. He said he can handle a challenge but not the pressure. He said if he has Howard's attention or he's doing a pitch in a stadium he can't handle it.
Gary said that he's not nervous around Howard. He said it's more like he's afraid of making a noise and then having Howard going off on him for a half hour in the morning. He said that it's like being punched in the head over and over. He said some days it's funny but other days it's not.
Benjy asked if there are other times it gets triggered with Gary. Gary said he was joking with Howard about it today and a lot of it has to do with his pitch. Gary said it can happen when he's in a quiet room at an event and he has to clear his throat. He said that it's all in his head.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he sent Gary an ultra violet light and he should give it to Howard. Gary said he did get it but Howard won't touch it. The guy said that he should wear a mask and the booties like doctors do. Gary said he's not looking for a fight.
Jon asked who is crazier when it comes to this stuff, Howard or Gary. Gary said he understands that people get colds from shaking hands. He said it happens every day. He said that Howard is germ phobic and Jackie was the complete opposite. He said Jackie would go to the bathroom at a baseball stadium and not even put paper down. He said he's the example of someone who can do that and not die.
Jon said the germ thing is a slippery slope. He said you can think about the germ thing and worry about touching anything. Gary said Mary is more germ phobic than he is. Gary said one thing he's skeeved out by is the ATM. He said that he thinks about the people who are touching that thing after snotting all day long. Jason said money is probably the grossest thing you touch all day.
Gary said he has become the person who washes his hands in the bathroom at a restaurant and then uses the towel to open the door. He said he's not that bad but he has started doing that.
Jon asked if Howard would prefer to live in a bubble. Gary said he thinks so. He said physically he'd like to never have to touch anyone but his wife ever again. He said he gives him credit for saying that he knows he's crazy.
Jon asked if Howard thinks Gary is patient zero. Gary said he is the first guy and the closest guy every day. He said he's the one handing him stuff he needs so he's always patient zero.
Jason said that he was saying earlier that Howard is hyper focused on Gary. Gary said he would say that at least 30-40 percent of the office have been sick in the past 5 days. He said Will, Sal, JD and their office manager were all sick. Gary said that's a slippery slope too because if you send someone home then it's good but also bad because Howard might need that person there for something. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said he thought Kirstie was great and she told that story about how she made the one year deal with Cheers and that was a very lucrative thing for her.
Gary said Kirstie came up and she was psyched to be there. Gary said that she asked if she could say anything she wants there. He said she said she probably wouldn't curse but she ended up doing it anyway. He said that was great.
Jon said she talked very frankly about a lot of things. He said that you think she may want to avoid some things but she talked about it all.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks she has that look that she'd be wild in bed that Howard was talking about. Gary said back in the day she did have that look.
Jon said it was a huge thing for Kirstie to go on that show and get even bigger ratings for them. Gary said he was getting annoyed with Shelly Long by that time so it was time for a change.
Jon said that Kirstie was talking about how she'll defend anyone's religion if they're being attacked. He said that she has a lot of self confidence too. Gary said she doesn't appear to ever be nervous. He said she also said that she never took any acting lessons. He said you can see that when she's on a show. He said what you see is what you get.
Jon asked Ronnie where he draws the line of obesity. Ronnie said he doesn't think anyone is obese. Gary said if you look it up on a chart he'd be obese. He said he should be 165 pounds and he's 190. Ronnie said if that's the case then they have a lot of obese people on the show. Jon said Will and Steve and Howard may be the only ones who aren't.
Ronnie said he's at 165 right now. He said he was at 190 back about 8 years ago. He said he has lost 25 pounds in the last 8 months or so. He said he's eating a lot of rice and grilled turkey and chicken now. He doesn't eat any red meat. He said he does eat pork. He said he stopped eating red meat about 30 years ago. Ronnie said that his father was a meat and potatoes kind of guy until he died at 71 after a bunch of heart surgeries.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Kirstie was never all that big. He said he likes big girls though. He said in Hollywood they want them to be thin and skinny but in the real world girls are a size 12 and guys like that. Gary said he doesn't agree with anything that he just said. He said he's not sure every guy is happy with a size 12. Benjy asked if there is someone who is too big for him. The guy said there are some who are too big like 300 pounders.
Ronnie told the guys about going to Ohio to visit his girlfriend's parents. He said that they went to an Italian place that was so bad that he'd rather go to an Olive Garden. He said he had shrimp parmesean and the shrimp were tiny and they had the tails on and they were covered in mozzarella cheese.
Jon Leiberman was in and he was goofing on Ronnie a little bit. Jon Hein asked if he's more annoyed by Ronnie or Lisa G. Leiberman said that's no comparison. He said that today was hard to deal with because there was no end in sight for the interview. He said Lisa stays in the news room until she can go out there and interview the guest. Gary said she came out and listened to the show in the office. Ronnie said that what she does first is come into Scott's studio and start talking. Then Scott will turn up the speaker and then she goes out and stands by Jon Hein's speaker. He said that's what she does every day. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said Howard played the tape of Underdog Lady talking to Shuli and it sounds like they may get her on the show. Gary said Shuli seems to be able to get the most out of her. Gary said they had someone at channel 9 who is no longer with them. He said that he used to get a lot out of her and Shuli has kind of filled that role.
Leiberman said that both of them need each other. He said that Underdog fires Shuli up after he talks to her.
Jon asked Leiberman about all of the stuff going on in the news room. They spent a minute on that and then Ronnie said that Lisa has a stalker area in her area. Leiberman said that she had what looks like a shrine for Howard. Jon Hein said that she's a big fan of Howard's and America's Got Talent.
Gary asked if the next person she works for will be her god. Leiberman said that Lisa G won't leave this place until Howard retires. Gary wondered if she went to work for Piers Morgan if she'd be the same way with him. Benjy though she would but Leiberman wasn't sure about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what shrimp parmesean is because he's never heard of it. Gary said he's heard of it and he's had it at great Italian restaurants. Gary said that it's something that's available at restaurants and they're talking about the quality of the food.
Gary said he can't believe he's never heard of shrimp parmesean. The guy was from Massachusetts. Jon asked Steve Brandano if he's ever seen it. Steve said he hasn't seen it on a menu recently but he doesn't think it's unheard of. Gary said that it's a staple on every menu. Steve said he agrees that it exists but he can't recall seeing it.
Jon asked Shuli about Underdog singing for him. Shuli said she's done that for him a few times. Gary said that Underdog has done another character in the parades too. He said it looks like when the Little Rascals put on a play. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.