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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how he woke up wondering why they get up at 4 in the morning to do the show at 6 in the morning. He said it was the stupidest thing he ever did. He said that was Mel Karmazin's idea. He said he went along with it. Howard said at some point he gets tired and worn down. Howard said he would like to just do it at 7 but everyone freaks out. Howard said there is no rhyme or reason to it. He said it makes no sense. He said it seems important to everyone else so he doesn't want to be called not a team player.
Howard said people will say he doesn't have eye of the tiger. He said if he didn't have that then he wouldn't have to work anymore. He said he enjoys this job.
Robin asked if he's gotten a call from the guy who took Mel's spot. Howard said he did get a call from the guy. He said he wished the guy the best with his new job. Howard said the guy was working there and he's met him a few times before but he didn't remember that. Howard said his name is Jim Meyer. Howard said he hasn't had to sit down and talk to him yet. Howard said he's not sure what he would talk to him about. Howard said he has a lot to say if he does want to talk to him. He said he thinks he could help him out with the company and they could help him out too. Robin said he might have to do that.
Howard said the past couple of years it's been us vs. them there. Howard said he's not sure why that is. He said he has thoughts on how the company could do even better. Howard said it's always useless to talk to those guys though. Howard said he could help but they don't really want to do anything. Howard said he heard that Jim is a great guy so that's really good. Howard said he's a shareholder in the company so that's good. Howard said he thinks that terrestrial radio is dead. He said they keep thinking they're going to be on top. Robin said they think they'll always be there. Howard said he thinks they will.
Howard said his daughter has an iPhone and never listens to regular radio. He said that kids don't want to hear commercials so they want to get new music on YouTube and services like this. Howard said the kids get it from different places and it's not terrestrial radio. Howard said when you're driving around in your car you'll listen to FM if that's all you've got. Howard said these days they have satellite radio installed. Robin said she doesn't really listen to regular radio. She said on occasion she will for news or traffic.
Howard said he thinks he made the right move coming there to do radio. He said he thinks they're better off. When they signed up they only had 400,000 listeners. He said people thought he was insane and now they have 22 million subscribers. He said they're doing great. Howard said there are so many alternatives to regular radio now.
Howard said he went over to buy some food at this place the other day. He said he got Sushi and it wasn't good. Robin said she could have told him that. Howard said the fish was fine but the rice was awful. Robin said that's what makes it bad. She said that place has been there for quite some time. Howard said he went to see Robin yesterday and he got the Sushi at this place over by her. Howard said the rice is cold and that's fine but the rice tasted like mush. He said he took the fish out and made his own rice. He said he threw out the shitty stuff. Howard said it was 11 bucks and it was shitty. He said at Nobu they'd charge 11 bucks for one piece.
Howard said he was listening to music at the place and they had SiriusXM playing. He said it was great. Howard said you pay like 14 bucks a month and you get 130 plus channels. He said it's a good deal. He said he plays Sirius around the house when he has people over or even if he's just hanging around. He said it's very cool.
Robin said she heard that Prince did an interview with Rolling Stone but he wouldn't let them use a recorder or even take notes during the interview. Howard laughed when he heard that. Robin said that Wendy Williams was talking about that and said that she would have made up all kinds of things about him for the article if that was her.
Howard said he saw Prince once and he didn't let them turn on the lights. He said he wasn't going to sit there for that so he got up and left. Howard said the guy is nuts. He said he was so proud of himself for walking out on him. He said he came to see the guy and he was uncomfortable being seen.
Robin said she went to see Prince once at Studio 54 and he came out and played a record. Howard said that's like a listening party. Robin said he just stood there kind of bopping to the music. She said he had two turntables in front of him and that's not what she wanted to see.
Howard said he loves his music but the guy is screwy. Robin said he used to do great shows. Howard said it's just being an idiot not letting someone take notes. Howard said he needs to be humbled or maybe humiliated. Howard said that's what happens when you're a little guy who looks like a chick. Howard said you know he got his ass kicked good when he was younger. Howard said he's an amazingly talented douche bag. Howard said they didn't know what to do with that guy.
Howard said he had some fun with the Twitter account. He said he went on Oprah's Twitter feed and copied whatever she wrote. Howard said he made it as his own. He read some of those tweets. He wrote about Drew Barrymore being his neighbor and how he happy he was to be able to share his garden vegetables. Robin said that Oprah isn't going to share her vegetables with just anyone.
Howard said he was dumbfounded with her tweets. He said they're so arrogant. Howard said they're so fucking crazy and weird. Gary told Howard that the ones in bold were the ones Howard tweeted. Howard said they're not bolded. Howard said Gary just gave him the whole list and nothing was bolded. They played a couple of Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard read more of the tweets he sent out. Howard had one where he talked about bringing a bouquet of flowers from his garden to Fergie. Howard said he thinks that it's Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Robin wasn't sure if it was. Howard said he sent that out and people got fucking annoyed with him. Howard said someone tweeted him that he was bragging about his back yard and their own back yard was shit. Howard said people got jealous. He said they got pissed at him about that even though it wasn't his tweet, it was Oprah's.
Howard said he wrote the thing about Drew Barrymore and someone wrote that he should give her plenty of cucumber.
Howard said he tweeted out another one and people started liking his tweets. He said Jimmy Kimmel wrote him and he told him that he was just fucking around with the Oprah stuff. He said Jimmy thought they had lost him.
Howard copied another one about someone who appears on Oprah's show and someone wrote him back that they'd like more tweets similar to that one.
Howard said he has to do more of this. He said he's just going to steal other people's tweets. He never knows what to write. He said that he just copies stuff and doesn't retweet the stuff.
Howard said he had no idea what Oprah was talking about but he liked copying her tweets. He told Robin about a couple of others that he sent out.
Howard said someone wrote and asked why he was being such a douche. He said he wrote back with another Oprah tweet. He said that someone thought that his account had been taken over by Ralph's asshole.
Howard said he wrote something about ''Bomb Diggity'' and someone said that word is at least 8 years old. Howard said Captain Janks wrote him and told him to turn in his man card. Howard said he had fun doing that this weekend. He said Beth enjoyed it too.
Howard said the other liar guy is Manti Te'o. Howard said he might just be a dummy. He said they think that this guy was doing a girl's voice. Robin said she thought they had a girl cousin of the guy doing the voice. Howard said he has tape and it's a guy. He played the tape and it was Fred doing his woman voice that sounds like Herman Munster. Howard had a couple of those clips.
Robin said that Dr. Phil is going to interview the guy who did the prank on Manti Te'o. Howard said he doesn't get the weird names. Howard said the guy who did this has a weird name too. He said it's Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. Howard said there's nothing better than a fake doctor sitting down to interview a fake girlfriend. Howard said Dr. Phil doesn't have a doctorate. Robin said she thought he was a doctor of psychiatry. Howard said no way to that. He said he knows the guy is a big bullshit artist. Fred said he thinks he has a degree but he never practiced. Howard said he takes that back if it's not correct. Gary said that he does have a doctorate in psychology. Howard said there goes that theory.
Howard said he does love Dr. Phil's show. He said he saw something the other day and he couldn't turn it off. Howard said he saw a show where they had a family on that thought their son was going to kill them. Dr. Phil said they were going to send the kid to a real hospital. Howard said they were going to do a week of therapy and you know that's not going to work. He said it's so great.
Howard said this guy Manti Te'o is just a dumb jock. Howard said he doesn't think the guy even got into it to make up a fake girlfriend. Robin said she thinks that he was raised super religious and he may not have even had sex.
Howard said that Twitter thing this weekend was just an experiment. Howard said he likes eating a lot of chocolate now and he's going on a road trip with Ralph.
Howard said the best white singer at the inauguration was Beyonce. Robin said she's not white. Howard said she's almost white. He said she's still taking shit. He said that she should have performed live there. He said he was moved by her performance and she had him fooled. Howard said she's all set for the Super Bowl. He said she pre-recorded that song and the 2014 New Year's Rockin' Eve.
Howard said Lindsay Lohan turned down Dancing with the Stars. Howard said they want Lance Armstrong for the show now. He said they could call that show Dancing with the Shitheads. Robin said they have a suit against him for defrauding the postal service. She said that could cost him 90 million.
Howard said New York went 9 days without a murder. He said he thinks that until the river unfreezes there won't be any. Robin said she thinks they found a body. Howard said maybe it occurred before the 9 days. He said they'd want to break that record.
Howard said he got to Robin's building and he talked to the doorman. He said he told him to ring up to her and said she would want to see him. Howard said she just woke up and he told the doorman that he knew she didn't want to see him. Howard said he walked around for a while and his penis shriveled up more than usual. Howard said he loves the cold because he can say it's the cold that did it.
Howard said that was his day yesterday. Robin said he came back and the doorman rang up and she asked if it was take 2. Howard said he got up there eventually.
Howard said that he's going to explain to people why they can't stand Anne Hathaway. Howard said he'll play the clip first. Howard played a little and she had a joke about how happy she is that she gets dental. Howard said she has to have someone writing jokes for her. Howard said she's overly dramatic and she's always out of breath. He said she breathes heavy and it's like acting even when she's not acting. He said this is like a performance. Howard did an impression of her and had Fred playing some breathing clips to go along with her. Howard said it's not all that crazy. He said she got a SAG award and it's just a shitty award. Howard said that Baba Booey voted for this. He said that's how shitty the awards are. He said there is no reason for them to be in the SAG vote but they were all in Private Parts.
Howard said that Anne is a great actress but she's really annoying. Howard said Daniel Day-Lewis is annoying too. He said that he's so tortured and serious. Howard played some of his speech from the SAG Awards too. Howard goofed on his accent and talked about how boring his speeches are and how boring his movies are. Howard said the guy is such a bore. He said the guy is in his 40's but he sounds like he's 100.
Howard played the speech word by word and goofed on almost the whole thing. Robin said that she's going to give a speech like this some day. She said she may just copy the whole thing.
The caller said he saw Imus the other day on TV and he wasn't wearing his cowboy hat. He said he slurs his words when he talks too. Howard said that he's like JD. Howard said that guy Charles left the show finally. Howard said he hated him more than Imus because he was a two faced dick. Howard said that guy gave him attitude and he wasn't even Imus. Howard said that guy just read the news. Robin said he wrote for Imus too. Howard said they would come out with the worst shit in the world. He said he and Fred would write stuff and spend like 10 minutes doing it and it was better than Imus' shit. Howard said Imus came out with Moby Worm with all of the writers he had. Howard said ''Fuck you!'' to Imus about all of that. He said Charles was a no talent mother fucker. Fred threw in Tracey Millman's ''Douche!'' clip a couple of times.
Howard said Moby Worm was a giant worm that ate high schools. He said if it went to Roosevelt they would have eaten the worm. He said it would have been funny if they had done that bit. Howard said he and Fred had to write bits because Imus did shitty bits. Howard said they had to keep them short at like 30 seconds.
Howard said he went to a bar mitzvah for Al Rosenberg's kid and Charles was there. Howard said Charles told him that he had proven himself to him. He said he thanked him but he didn't care. Howard said that guy would always say ''Thank you Mr. Imus. Howard said that would be like having him having his whole staff call him Mr. Stern. Howard said the guy was a piece of shit. Robin said they never called him Mr. Imus. Howard said he'll be proud of that until the day he dies.
Howard said he had to prove himself in New York and he took a job at the shitiest station ever created. He said that was WNBC. Howard said he wanted to work at WPLJ but they wanted to put him on overnight. Howard said they just wanted to bury him there. Howard said he wanted to be on in the mornings but Jim Kerr was on then.
Howard said that they had this woman from Downton Abby on the SAG Awards. He said this was kind of funny. He played a clip of this woman giving a speech. Howard said she was getting even more dramatic than Anne Hathaway. Howard said she sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire. Gary told Howard that she looks kind of like her too. Howard spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and sang along to the Bowie song a little bit. Howard said the new song he put out was kind of a disappointment. Howard said he heard it at home one day and tried to like it. He said they can't all be winners. Robin said maybe he'll have some good ones on the album when it comes out.
Howard played the top 5 songs which included Taylor Swift at number 5. Robin said that she looked really hot at some awards show in Europe. Gary said he heard that she's concentrating on her looks now and not eating. Howard said he's not eating and focusing on his looks too. Howard said he has some belly too.
Howard said that Justin Timberlake was at number 4. That song jumped from number 84 to number 4. Howard said number 3 was The Lumineers. He said number 2 was Bruno Mars. Robin said his father was a wrestling fan and he named him after Bruno San Martino. The Mars thing came from people saying he was ''out of this world.'' Howard said number 1 is Macklemore & Ryan. Howard said they didn't have any help from a major label according to what he read. Howard said Rihanna's ''Diamonds'' has fallen out of the top 5.
Howard said Gary and Jon Hein took about 10 of the back office staff out to dinner as a gift. Howard said they went to Peter Luger's. He said Gary told him about some of the stuff that went down there. Howard said he told him about it during the break. Gary said they started out with a giant strip of bacon. Then they brought out tomatoes and onions and a bunch of shrimp cocktail. Then they bring out huge amounts of steak. Howard said he can't believe they still eat steak. Gary said he doesn't eat it every day.
Howard said most people don't eat red meat anymore. Gary said that's just not true. He said Ronnie didn't eat it but everyone else did. Howard said most people have moved past that. Robin said she thinks that he's mistaken about that. Robin said the world is still eating cows.
Gary said they had huge plates of steak, onion rings, French fries, home fries and all of that. Then they had huge hot fudge sundaes. Howard said he has noticed that at restaurants they bring out 4 desserts for 10 guys and they all have to dig into the same food. Howard said he's going to throw up just thinking about that. He said he's going to vomit thinking about sharing a sundae with Richard. Howard said they should bring out one for each person. He said it's flu season. Howard said they might as well just make out with each other.
Gary said they did eat off the same plate. He said they had to dig into the steak from one big plate. Howard said that cows are super evolved. Howard said we chop off their heads and eat them. He said that's what vampires want to do to them. Howard said according to his resources they have werewolves and vampires in New Mexico. His resource is Eric the Actor.
Howard read that Jason was drinking cups of butter. Jason came in and said he went all out at dinner. He said they bring out the plates of food and the plates are full of butter and juices. He said Teddy dared him to do it so he did it. He said it was butter and grease left over. Howard said he's disgusted by this. He said the consumption is ridiculous. Jason said it was delicious.
Jason said he had rare steak and it was still very pink. He said if humans tasted that good then there would be a restaurant.
Howard said Richard's consumption of alcohol is ridiculous. Howard said Richard had 10 beers at dinner. Howard said if someone takes you out to dinner you don't eat until you explode. He said Gary isn't a millionaire. He said that Richard had 10 beers, two bottles of wine and 2 shots of Amaretto in his coffee. Gary said Richard was the only one drinking down on his end. He said Richard took the bottles and he would pour almost 3/4 of the bottle into a goblet so he didn't waste it. Gary said Richard has actually calmed down a bit. He said he used to be worse.
Howard said Peter Luger's is cash only too. Gary said it was 2 grand that night. He said the bill was like $1620 and they gave $2000. He said that was a little over 20 percent tip. Howard said you know these guys were a pain in the ass too. Robin said they have men waiters there too.
Gary said Tim kept throwing pieces of broccoli at Richard and he was at the other end of the table. Howard asked what's wrong with Tim. He also thought that Tim was on a diet. Gary said this was a reward according to Tim. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Gary said that Tim rented a limo and he dove into the car when it showed up. Howard said they have to forget about Tim for a minute. He got back to Richard and talked about what a mess he was there. Howard said he was wandering around outside Peter Luger's and the door man there thought he was homeless. Gary said this is way better behavior than getting off an airplane and having to be wheeled around in a wheelchair.
Howard called Richard into the studio and Richard said it was a celebration. His voice was shot and he was hacking stuff up. Howard said this is way too much consumption. Richard said he loves to drink and life is too short. Howard said he likes drinking too but he likes to be healthy. Howard said Richard is going to see that it wasn't worth it some day. Richard said he doesn't smoke or anything. Howard said he gets more of a rush from being on his computer than drinking. Howard said he must be weird.
Robin said Richard goes into a coma from drinking. Gary said he heard he got drunk in Atlantic City too. He said that they had two bottles of wine in their car and they asked to pull over on the BQE to pee. Richard said they were about to explode when they got out of the car.
Howard said Richard is like Arthur in the movie Arthur. Howard said Richard isn't concerned in the least either. Howard asked if he could stop drinking if he wanted to. Richard said probably not. He doesn't get he shakes but Howard said that's because he drinks all the time.
Howard asked Richard about how much he drinks during the week. He does drink just about every day. Howard talked to him about that for a short time and then played a new prank call Richard made to a radio show as Rusty Sexxxton. He asked them to pray for his mother and sister who are in porno movies. They hung up on him after he played a clip of the mother talking about what a good blow job the daughter gives. The woman on the radio show was praying for Richard and sounded like she was about to cry. Howard said his drinking hasn't affected his phony phone calls. He said that job can be handled by a drunk.
Richard told Howard that the broccoli Tim was throwing at him were the biggest pieces of broccoli ever. Howard asked why he would bring that up after ending on a funny note. Richard said he was sorry about that.
Ronnie came in and Howard said he wanted to hear him talk. Ronnie's voice was shot. Ronnie said this guy was there and he was there kissing his ass. The guy said he wasn't even there. Ronnie said this guy is a jealous fuck. Howard asked why he has to yell at these things. Ronnie said it was two nights in a row. The caller said he's such a loser. He said he's Howard's driver and he's doing that on the weekends. He said his moustache is gay too. Ronnie said he wants this guy, Matt, to laugh all the time.
Howard said he heard that they want to book Ronnie's show at more places. Ronnie said they have like 60 places around the country. He said they want to book them.
Howard asked if Scott showed up. Ronnie said he did and they goofed on him by telling the audience to just sit and stare at him.
Gary said they did a report about Scott and how he doesn't appear to want to be anywhere. He said that they went out to eat and Scott wasn't happy about waiting. Ronnie said he heard that Scott went to the Maitre D and told him that he was from the Howard Stern Show and he was in a rush. Shuli came in and said he heard that he asked a group of people if they could have their table.
Scott came in and said that he didn't tell anyone that he was from the Stern Show. He said that he gave the waitress his name and they asked him to speed it up. He said he went up and asked if they could speed it up. He said he never went from table to table. He said these people are all assholes.
Shuli said he has recordings of fans talking about it. Howard said he has audio of Scott being booed. Scott said he was there as their joke of the day so they can go fuck themselves. Scott took off his headphones and left.
Scott came back and said he was kept back stage for 2 hours. Ronnie said they told him they were going to do that. Howard asked if he's quitting again. Scott said he hasn't quit yet. He said they just want him there to goof on him. Howard asked what else they're going to do with him. Shuli said that's his dilemma with him. He said there might be a place for him if they make it Scott's misery tour. Scott said he can do that himself. He said he doesn't need the help. Scot said he basically broke even for the weekend.
Shuli said he told the audience not to laugh at him and just go silent. He said he gave him a big intro and then they gave him the silent treatment.
Gary asked how Scott broke even for the weekend. Scott said he got 500 bucks. He said he had to pay for dinner and things like that. Scott said that he used to get a lot more. He said they were supposed to split the money equally. Scott said that's why he dropped off the show. Howard said Scott used to get more and now he's only getting 500 bucks. Scott said Shuli doesn't get why he left the show. Shuli said he left because of the money. Scott said it wasn't about the money but then he said that they were supposed to split the money.
Shuli said he never said they were splitting the money down the middle. Scott said he did too. Scott said they agreed to take the same amount of money. Scott said he's done with these guys. Shuli said this isn't the way to get back in his good graces. Scott asked who gives a fuck about that. He said Ronnie was walking around like a king in Harrah's too. Shuli said he's so jealous. Scott said he was talking about his billboard the whole time. Shuli said if Scott had this kind of energy the whole time he'd be on stage all the time.
Scott said if he's only there to be the joke then he's not going to be on the show. He said it's not going to happen. He said he wanted to be part of the show. He said he can't get treated with respect. Howard said he thinks that they're trying to create something for him. Scott told them not to worry about that.
Ronnie said he tried to talk Scott into coming back but he can't do it. Scott said he's tired of being made fun of. Shuli asked how long he's going to blame him for his own mistake. Scott said Ronnie won't say the truth because he doesn't want to lose this. Scott said that Ronnie was running around yelling about how he was done with this whole thing and he didn't want to go to Jamaica. Ronnie said he'll tell the truth about that. He said that they have the trip to Jamaica and one of the AGT dates falls on the trip. He said he's going to fly to Jamaica and he's going to be a day late. He said all he said was that it was going to be rough.
Howard asked Ronnie if they ever said there was going to be a 3 way split. Ronnie said no. Shuli went over this again and said he was up front with Ronnie about the kind of money they were going to make and then Scott comes out and says that he's a liar and a thief. He said he never said he would split the money 3 ways. He said that he's not going to say that for a guy who comes out and plugs in his phone to play music. Scott said he had just as much to do with the shows as Shuli did. Scott asked what kind of headliner he is. He said he and Ronnie started the show and he can't headline a shoe box.
Shuli said that no one would ever let Scott appear on a show. Shuli said this is Scott's character, the asshole.
Scott said he's not into being pranked anymore so they can do that to JD now. He said he knows they won't do that to JD though. Shuli said you could hear his footsteps as he came out on stage.
Howard had tapes of the audience going dead silent for Scott. Howard played the clip and Scott comes out. The audience wasn't silent though. They were just booing him. Shuli asked if he said anything to them and they said no. Scott said they're all liars.
Howard said there was a full house there. He said no one has an act other than Shuli. Shuli said their original concept for this show sold just 40 tickets. He said they had to change it up.
JD said he has audio that will show why Ronnie's voice is shot. Howard played that clip next. Howard said we get to hear Ronnie's performance that's filling theaters all over the country. Howard played the clip of Ronnie coming out and screaming ''Yeah!'' to the audience.
Shuli said they did a meet and greet the night before and he saw Ronnie riding on a Rascal scooter of this woman show showed up.
Howard said you'd think that Ronnie would have someone write him some lines. Shuli said he would never mess with the show like that.
Howard said that they're going to have a big Howard TV special about this. Ronnie said they had Jim Florentine at the show. Howard said that's Robin's old friend. Howard said that Jim is there now. He had Fred doing his impression of Jim. Fred did that for a short time.
The caller said he saw a picture of Ronnie and he was standing next to a chick with a girl with no bra or panties on and Ronnie was leering at her. Ronnie said this guy just wishes it was him. The caller said he isn't that much of a loser. Ronnie said this guy can say what he wants and he doesn't care. He said he's there and this guy is not.
The caller asked when they're coming to Boston. Ronnie said never because he doesn't want to perform for this guy.
Shuli told Howard that Ronnie had the presidential suite at the hotel. He had a really nice room. Shuli said Ronnie did security during a show once. He said he had to wrestle a guy to the ground when he wandered on stage. It turns out that the guy was blind. Shuli said Ronnie didn't think he was really blind because he signed a release for Howard TV. Shuli said the guy's walking stick was under him while Ronnie was wrestling with him on the ground.
Howard asked Ronnie if he worries about his voice. Ronnie said he'll be fine by tomorrow. Howard said we're all worried about him. Howard asked when their next show is. Ronnie said it's in march down in Jamaica. He said they're taking off February.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could help him out with a gift for his wife. He said he has an anniversary coming up but he doesn't have any money. Howard said maybe he can take her to the Block Party. He said what would really help is finding her a new husband. The caller said he was just wondering if he had anything to give away. Howard said he doesn't. Robin said she has one of the Steven Singer Jewelers roses. Howard asked if she'd give it to the caller. She said she would do that. The caller said he'd take that. Howard said he thinks the guy was looking to milk him for some cash. Howard said he could send him a Spider-Man porno if he wants that. The caller, Vince, said he'd take the rose. Robin said she'll send it over this afternoon.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Scott doesn't have to do anything to do those shows. Scott said it's not about the money. Shuli said that he could give him more but he's going to fuck with him on the road. Shuli said he's paying him to goof on him so Scott should be the one laughing.
Shuli said Scott sees the success of the show and this thing has blown up since JD joined the show. He said some day it will probably be called JD's block party when Ronnie dies yelling out ''Yeah!''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that people pay to see the two unfunniest people on the show. He said he hopes that someone puts together a good show. Howard said he hopes this whole thing just goes away.
Another caller said that Shuli sucks so bad that he has to drag all of these people out with him to make a show. He said Shuli is just a piss poor comedian. Howard said he's seen Shuli and he's fine. Howard asked Shuli what he thinks about that. Shuli said he doesn't care. He said his agent might be right. He said that the people at the show stood up for him when he did his act. Shuli said that it's not for this caller. The caller said he's just a bald headed Jew who sucks and needs these other guys to bring in the audience. Shuli said this guy is just jealous.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was upset when Shuli let Scott back on the show. He said he was wrong though. He said this stuff is brilliant. He said he loves Ronnie and he thinks that the show was fantastic.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the lawsuit Bubba is going through in Florida. Howard said he doesn't know a lot about it but he heard that he made fun of a DJ and the DJ is suing him. The caller said the other DJ made a parody about Bubba's wife and made it sound like his child might not be his child. He said Bubba came back with his own parody and said some things that upset him and now he's suing Bubba. Howard said he's kind of biased toward Bubba and he hopes that he makes it out alright. He said he's not sure what he's supposed to do. Howard said he really doesn't know a lot about the case. He said he's not sure what he's reading when he has read about it.
Howard wrapped up after asking about the Jamaica show. He said he really has to take a break after all of that. He said that his dream has come true with his limo driver being on stage at Harrah's. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jewel is going to be coming in soon and she has recorded his childhood song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' Howard had Fred play some of his version of ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' Howard said it's actually a good song if you think about it. Howard sang along with the song.
Howard said Jewel needed a lyric sheet and Fred wrote them down for her. Howard said Fred got some of them wrong so he had to rewrite it.
Howard said that Taylor Swift has signed a huge deal with Diet Coke. Howard said he's not sure why it's okay for these artists to promote to children that it's okay to drink sugar water. Howard said this is what Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes is about. He said they don't need that kind of money coming in. Howard said he read that she's going to be working on some ''Branding initiatives'' which, to him, means commercials. Howard said that she's going to be selling Coca Cola to her fans. That's what it means. He said they say it will go beyond just 30 second commercials.
Howard said that he has to thank a guy who didn't even want to be named. He said his wife loves animals and they had this dog, Casey, at North Shore Animal League who was left there by a family that moved into an apartment that didn't allow dogs. Howard said they gave her up after 10 years. Howard said she was in a cage at North Shore and Beth saw this. He said she fell in love with the dog and asked him to say something to the audience. Howard said that getting an older dog is a wonderful thing to do. Howard said Beth asked him last week to foster this dog. Howard said if they brought it home the dog would never leave. Howard said they picked up a cat for Mike Gafney and Beth didn't want to let that go. Howard said she's so caring and loving.
Howard said he didn't want to walk the dog but Beth aid she would do that. Howard said he has 4 cats now and he's doing his share. He said that he loves each one of them and he can watch them for hours. Howard said he's doing enough and other people have to pick up the slack.
Howard said this dog is 10 and she's completely trained. Howard said on Friday this wonderful guy adopted Casey. Howard said the guy is an older guy and he's divorced. He said the wife lives in the home and both of their dogs are deceased now. Howard said this guy heard him talking about Casey and it was the spitting image of a dog they had. He said they drove over and adopted the dog over the weekend. He said that Beth called the guy last night and the guy told her that the dog has helped heal the family. Howard said they have two cats and the dog doesn't bother anybody. Howard said he has to thank this guy because it almost became his dog.
Robin said she has a story about a dog that she has to tell. She said this family had a bunch of dogs and they were evicted from their home. They left the dog in its crate and the dog was all alone for 3 weeks. The dog ate part of its own tail to stay alive. Robin said the dog lived and they found it and almost put it down. Robin said they started feeding the dog and it has gained weight and it's doing fine. Robin said they think it's going to a new home. Robin said just imagine what kind of family would leave a dog alone like that to starve to death.
Howard asked Robin what she wanted to do now. He had a few choices for her. Howard said he has a game called Who Would My Woman Bang. Robin wanted to play that game. Gary said they asked all of their wives who they would bang and they sealed up the answers. Howard stuck his hand in and found Ronnie's girlfriend was the first one they were going to play with.
Howard said that they don't know the answers to this game. Howard said that Stephanie is just turning 30. Howard asked who he thinks his girlfriend said. Ronnie said he has no clue. He said Sal lost her answer and she had to fill out another one over the weekend. Howard asked who around there she would want to bang. Ronnie said he thinks it might be Will. Howard asked who she would least want to bang. Ronnie said that would be JD. He said they're too good a friends for that.
Howard said that Stephanie picked Jon Leiberman. Ronnie asked if he's fucking kidding him. Howard said that they should get her on the phone. Ronnie said 'Holy shit...'' Howard asked if she said that to piss him off. Ronnie said it bothers him a little bit. Howard said she picked JD as the one she'd least like to have sex with because he's like a little brother to her.
Howard said that he wanted to talk to Stephanie about this. Gary said he would try to get her on the phone. Howard said that Jon Leiberman is an older man. Robin said he's not 50. Howard said Ronnie thought he was in his 50s. Howard had Jon come in to talk about this. Howard said Stephanie is a very good looking girl.
Howard asked Jon if he was shocked. Jon said he's not shocked. He said he has talked to her at social events. He said that she likes younger men. He said he's only 37. Howard said he thought he was in his 50s. Jon said he's just a young man. He said Stephanie likes him and she indicated to him that sometimes Ronnie gets tired. Ronnie said ''Yeah, right.'' Howard asked if she really said he gets tired. Ronnie said he's lying. Jon said he's not lying about this. He said that he thinks that she wants a younger man. He said he would never do that to Ronnie though. He said he thinks that Ronnie is busy working a lot. He said maybe she wants a little attention. Ronnie said Jon's girlfriend has issues with him too. He said they have issues about living together and things like that.
Ronnie was really annoyed and said that he was going to rip her ass open later. He said if Jon is telling the truth about the conversations she's had then there's going to be a major issue. Gary said they have her coming on the phone in a minute.
Howard got Stephanie on the phone. She told Howard that they get along the best there so that's why she picked Jon. Jon said ''Hi sweetie!'' to her. Howard said that Jon thinks that she likes him because he's younger and Ronnie gets tired easy. Stephanie said that she never said that he gets tired. Jon said that she has said that she thinks that he should pay more attention to her. She said she might have said something like that. Howard said she just wants more time with him. Ronnie said there was no reason to have that conversation. He said he's not sure why she would confide in Jon. Howard said Ronnie should learn a lesson from this. Ronnie said she might be spending a lot less time with him after this.
Howard said Ronnie is getting full of himself. Ronnie said that she shouldn't be saying that he gets tired. Jon said that she loves Ronnie so much that she wants more time with him. Ronnie sounded pissed. Stephanie said she was a little nervous to play this game.
Gary said he heard that Stephanie said she wanted to get on stage but Ronnie shut it down. Ronnie said she went to Sequoia and he put her on stage. Stephanie said that she doesn't think that she's part of the show. Ronnie said they went through this already. He said she just came out and looked good on stage. He said she's like a dog and has to piss on her territory. He said it's not good enough that she's his girlfriend. Gary said he thinks that he's saying that she has to show that he has a girlfriend and letting the women know that he's her man.
Howard said he heard that Stephanie wore a fake engagement ring on stage. She said that Richie and Rachel put her up to that.
Howard asked Stephanie if she would want to bang Jon once a month. Stephanie said she doesn't think she would ever bang him. She said she just gets along with him the best there. Howard asked if she thinks that if something happened to their relationship, would she go to Jon. Ronnie said that Stephanie is really good friends with Brandon from America's Got Talent. Howard asked what that guy is up to. Howard said he can see why she likes Jon because he's an 18 on the ugly meter while Ronnie got a 0.
Gary said they learned some stuff on Back Office Radio when Stephanie called in. He said he learned that she sticks her finger up his ass. Howard asked how far she sticks it in. Stephanie said it's just a little bit. Howard said he had a girl try to do that once but he clenched up. Howard asked what finger she uses. She said it's her index finger. Howard said good for her. Howard said he bets that Jon would let it in further. He said he might take it to the second knuckle.
Jon said he wanted to set the record straight. He said his girlfriend is very good looking and he's hoping that she didn't put Ronnie down for this game.
Gary said that Ronnie and Stephanie refuse to talk about if they have had another person in bed with them. Howard said Ronnie has turned into some stud.
Howard asked if they're going to talk about this when they get home today. Ronnie said he may be sleeping by the time she gets home. Stephanie said she's in trouble if he is sleeping when she gets home.
Howard thanked Stephanie for the call. He said that he knows that it's a sorry story for all of the women who play this game. Howard said poor JD was left as the least desirable because he's like a little brother. Howard said maybe they should play another round of the game. He said he's going to do that tomorrow. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Casey Anthony filed for bankruptcy. Howard said they should hold a fund raiser for her. Howard said that would piss everyone off.
Howard said he read that Justin Bieber is accused of assaulting a female employee with a Nerf gun bullet. Howard said he's got street cred now.
Howard said he read about a cyber attack that could shut down the internet. Howard said he's preparing. He said he went out and bought like 20 men's magazines. Howard said that's just in case his entire hard drive is wiped out. He said he's pretty secure now so he knows he can beat off even if the entire web is wiped out.
Howard said he read that Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend and he's doing really well in golf. Howard said he's dating Lindsay Vaughn. She's an Olympic skier. Howard said he thinks that he's more serious about this. He said he might cut down to only 6 other women a month. Howard said he's going to try and stay semi-faithful.
Howard said he was reading about Chris Jenner who has become a big deal. Howard said he's not sure how anyone can be interested in Kim Kardashian or her mother. Howard said he read that Chris has to take a female Viagra-like pill. Howard said he can see that with all of the work Bruce Jenner has done on his face.
Howard said he saw Nicole Kidman who apparently had plastic surgery and she was barely recognizable. Howard said you're better off looking old than getting plastic surgery like that.
Howard said Ashton Kutcher played Steve Jobs in a movie. Howard said he looks a little bit like him. He said that he looks like the Steve Jobs in the turtle neck with a beard. Howard said he wants Sarah Jessica Parker to play him in a movie about him.
Howard said tomorrow they're going to play a game called Who Said it. Tim Sabean or George Bush. Howard said he had one where someone said ''I didn't realize I had dyslexia.'' It turned out to be George Bush. Howard had one that said ''We Plan our success and we execute our plan.'' and that was easily identifiable as Tim Sabean.
Howard said they're looking for women who think they're playboy material. He said you can write to them and let them know and they'll have some of the women on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Hanzi and Debbie the Pet Lady would be good together on a radio show. Howard said he thinks they're going to try Hanzi alone on his own show. Howard said he knows they're working on the show already.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Jewel is going to be a co-host on AGT. Howard said she's coming in to promote her new album. He said he's not aware of anyone who is going to be a judge on AGT with him. Howard said he doesn't know anything that's going on other than the fact that he's going to be taping in March. He said that's only about a month away. Howard said he hopes that Howie is coming back but he really doesn't know.
Howard said he got a letter from Tim Stack who was on the show ''Son of the Beach'' that he produced. Howard said Tim was the star of that show. Howard said Tim sent him an article about Bill Hader and Bill is going to be doing a spoof of Baywatch and playing the part of Mitch. Howard said Tim was kind of upset about that since they already did a spoof of Baywatch.
Howard said that Israel has female combat soldiers so everyone who is getting freaked out by the women getting into combat for this country should calm down. Howard said that it'll be fine. He said people on FOX News were freaking out about it. He said that Geraldo was going nuts over it.
Howard said he was going to save Da Bad Ass Clip of the Week for tomorrow and get out of there on time. Howard said he has to take a break before doing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Israel doesn't have infantry female soldiers. He said they use women as instructors. Robin said that Dr. Ruth was a sniper. The caller said that women have fought in the past but not currently. He said it failed basically. He said that it was the social dynamic that didn't work. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said it might actually be a motivater for guys to be brave in front of the women.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if JD had the clip of the guy yelling ''Baba Booey'' during Tiger Woods play yesterday. Howard said he actually did. He said he should play that now. Howard played the clip and Tiger took a shot and someone yelled out ''Baba Booey!''
Robin got to her news and read that JJ Abrams has been chosen to take over the Star Wars franchise. Howard said he's happy about that and tweeted about it over the weekend. Howard said he loved JJ's take on the Star Trek movie. Howard said he's coming out with a second one soon and he should be done with it soon. Howard said he was asking JJ about the kind of cameras he uses to shoot that stuff. He said he must be worth some big money at this point. He said you'd think he'd pick up the tab at dinner. Howard wondered what you do when you take over something like that. Howard said the three bad ones would freak him the fuck out. Howard said he would be completely perplexed. Robin said it almost ruined the franchise. Howard said it's just awful that turned into some weird kind of cartoon. Howard said maybe he'll talk it through with JJ and help him out. Robin said that way he could thank him when he's receiving an Oscar.
Robin read about this priest, John Cornelius, who is married with 3 daughters. Robin said what he says about sex is that it's for procreation. Robin said he has taken a vow of celibacy. Howard said he's saying he won't have sex but he's been married for 30 years so he's probably just about given it up already.
Robin read about Whitney Houston's mother writing a book about her daughter. Robin said she has a lot of stories about what she saw at her daughter's house when she would go over to visit.
Robin read about how starvation is so bad in North Korea that some people have turned to cannibalism. Robin said that one father was executed for eating his own kids. Robin said the wife had gone away and when she returned the man said they had meat. She turned him into the police and they found the bodies of the kids. Howard said he's against eating kids. He thinks it's cruel. Howard said he's also against living in North Korea.
Howard said he joked about how an asteroid should be the name for a hemorrhoid. Howard said he wondered where he had heard that before and it turns out it was the late, great, Bob Schimmel who came up with it.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks he can tell if a woman is going to spend all of your money. Howard said you should be able to read a woman before you get married. Robin said sometimes it's the man who is frivolous. Howard said you have to have a respect for money. He said if you inherit money then you probably won't have a respect for it.
Robin read about Mayor Bloomberg giving a big gift to John Hopkins University. Robin said that he's given $1.1 billion total over the years. Howard said he's good that way. Howard said there are people who have money and don't give money out like that. Howard said Bloomberg isn't holding on to every dime he's made. Robin she's sure that his kids will get a lot of money but he's giving away a lot too. Robin said Bloomberg has said that they handled the money very well so he's been encouraged to give more. Howard said he knows David Letterman is very involved with Ball State like that. Howard said that $1.1 billion is a lot though. He said he was thinking about building a David Letterman Center at Boston University. Robin said maybe they'd name if after Howard. Howard said he's not sure they'd allow that.
Robin read about Stan Musial passing away and had some audio of Bob Costas talking about him. He was crying during the speech. Howard said he must be a very emotional man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jewel could be great on AGT and Howard could tell her what to wear. He said that he could also fuck her teeth straight. The caller asked why they didn't do more of the ''Who Would My Woman Bang'' game. Howard said he has to go home at some point. He said he can't do this all day long.
Robin said that the two Australian DJs who did the prank that led to a nurse's suicide have been officially fired. Howard said that whole thing seems to weird. Howard said they made a phony phone call and the broadcast facility has to be spineless to fire them. Howard said they hired them knowing what they do. Howard said he thinks it's fucking bullshit. Howard said the broadcast facilities always cave in though. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Casey Anthony filing for bankruptcy. Robin said that she's trying to get out of paying her bills. Robin said she's sure we'll hear more about this case over the years. Robin said we continue to hear about Jon Benet Ramsey. Robin said that a grand jury handed down some indictments for child abuse that led to her death but the D.A. decided not to go through with that. Robin said she still doesn't know who killed Jon Benet Ramsey.
Robin read about a woman on Long Island who was found with 92 pounds of Marijuana in her car. Robin said the woman was talking on her phone with no seat belt on and she went through a stop sign. That's how she was caught. Robin said she will be charged with that and it shows that there are a lot of people who get away with crimes before they're caught.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks would be worse and gave him a few choices. One was having someone taking a picture of his penis, one was finding out that Ralph had banged Beth and the other was being stuck in an elevator with Bobo for 20 minutes. Howard said the Ralph thing would be worst. The guy also suggested that they do a Jew on Jew show like the Black on Black show they have there. Howard said he'll look into that.
Robin read about Mel Gibson at the Golden Globes and what was going on there. They spent a minute talking about him and about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said they were at the top of the world for a while there. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the ban on women fighting in combat positions being lifted. Robin had some details about that whole thing and had some audio of a congresswoman commenting on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth gave him a free pass, who would it be with. Howard picked Robin at first but then said he wouldn't use it. Howard said that he wants to go home guilt free. He said he wouldn't want all of that on his mind. He said he's so committed now that he can go in a room with a model and he will bring up his wife and doesn't hit on these women. Howard said it's beautiful. He said he values that over the quick cumming. He said he'd finish in a second anyway. He said he still finishes way too fast for his wife.
The caller had some suggestions for AGT co-hosts. Howard said he has no control over this. The caller suggested Stevie Nicks, Sheryl Crow, Carol King, Cyndi Lauper and others. Howard said that he has been watching Cyndi's reality show. Howard said he enjoys it because he knows her husband. He used to run with him. The caller suggested Tina Fey, Courtney Love and Victoria Jackson. Howard said he thinks Tina would be good. Howard said that Courtney Love he's not sure about. Victoria was a no. The caller mentioned Chrissy Hynde. Howard said he's not sure anyone cares about what she has to say. Howard said he's thinking of someone like Madonna or Quentin Tarantino. Howard said he thinks that he'd be good on the show. Howard said it's not all about singing so they can choose from a wide variety of entertainers. Howard said Roger Ebert would be good even now with that voice box he has. Howard said he'd love to work with Cardinal Egan. Howard said that would be great with that giant hat of his.
Robin said she was out the other day and a guy walked in wearing one of those outfits and she was speechless. Howard said it's practically drag. Howard wondered if they wear pantyhose underneath. Robin said she's not sure. She said she has seen priests with a suit and collar but not in the full outfit. Howard said there are people who dig it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves them. She told Benjy to keep his girlfriend away from Howard. Howard said he hardly sees her. Howard said he thinks she's a very nice girl actually. The caller said she's okay with it then. Howard said that people come up to him on a daily basis asking how she can like that disgusting Benjy. Howard said she's a nice girl. Benjy said he loves her. Howard said there's some romance going on there. Fred did his Benjy voice and made a joke about him fucking around on her. Benjy said he hasn't done that for years. He said he's committed to her. He said he won't get married until all gays can get married.
Howard asked the caller what she wanted to talk about. She said she wondered what they thought about the show The Following. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said that he heard it was good. Robin said it was an okay first episode and she thinks it has potential. The caller, Allison, said she thinks that it was great and she told Howard to please watch it. Howard said he will watch it. He let her go and read another live commercial.
Robin read a story about last night's 60 Minutes and the conversation they had between President Obama and Hillary Clinton. Robin had some audio clips from the show. Howard said that she's up there in age and he's not sure she should try to run for President. Robin said she's 65 years old. Howard eventually started doing his Bill Clinton impression. He did that for a short time.
Robin read about how Chris Brown and Frank Ocean got into a fight at a recording studio and the cops had to be called.
Robin read about the police commissioner there in New York who said that hand guns are the problem and not so much the assault rifles. Robin had some audio of Ray Kelly talking about that. Robin said he's for the assault weapons ban. Howard said she has to come to the firing range sometime to see what's going on. He said some of the guns look like they're from Star Wars. Robin said people should be doing something better with their time.
Robin read about Lance Armstrong lying to Oprah. Robin said they re questioned the guy who brought the charges against Lance Armstrong and he says that he lied during the Oprah interview. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about Armstrong not knowing what the definition of cheating is. Robin had some other details about what Armstrong lied about in the interview. Robin wrapped up and ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon mentioned Scott the Engineer and how he was freaking out today. Gary said he thought he was going to have an aneurysm today. Jon said Scott claims it wasn't about the money. Gary said when you say that you know it's all about the money. Jon said that people say that they've gotten too big for themselves on the show but he's not sure anyone is acting any differently.
Gary said he's not sure how he can't get that way. He said that Ronnie is huge right now. They're doing a huge show on a big stage at Harrah's. Gary said that they really have so little preparation for the show though. Jon said he was back stage during the show and JD's job is just introducing Ronnie. Then Ronnie has to get the crowd fired up and introduces the comedians that are coming up. Jon said they really have very little to none as far as preparation.
Gary asked what JD does. Jon said that he doesn't want to give away the secret to the block party but JD basically just comes out and introduces Ronnie. Then Ronnie comes out and does his thing. He said they had some comedians there like Mad Dog and Jim Florentine. Jon said that Florentine was great. He said he's a really nice guy too.
A caller told the guys they have the video of Ronnie singing Sweet Caroline up on the Stern Facebook Superfans page on Facebook. The caller said that Scott is always complaining about something. Jon said the difference between Ronnie and Scott is that Ronnie doesn't mind being played the fool. He doesn't seem to care if they do that with him but Scott does care about being the butt of the joke. Gary said that two or three people came to him and said that it seems like Scott doesn't have any fun at all.
Scott said that everyone makes fun of everyone else. Scott said he can take it but they plan pranks around him. He said he did his thing and he was fine. He said he's not there to be made an asshole out of though. He said he won't do that in the future. He said Shuli won't do that with Ronnie.
Gary asked what Scott thinks that he should be there for. Scott said he's fine with not doing the show if they can't find something to do. He said if they can't find something for him then he's fine with it. He said he doesn't need the grief. He said the fun can go overboard sometimes. Jon asked what is ''going overboard.'' Gary said they just did one thing. Scott said that Sal and Richard came out and started undressing him. He said he started reading Ronnie's poem and Sal and Richard came out and started taking his clothes off. Shuli said he had nothing to do with that.
Scott said he knew they were going to set him up at some point. Gary said it sounds like he's mad at Sal and Richard and not so much at Shuli. Jon said he hasn't heard Scott so upset before. He said he was really angry this morning.
Scott said that this has never been about the money. Shuli said that Scott made more money in the first few shows they did. He said that there were three people who started out and Scott is the only one who remembers this arrangement he claims they had. Shuli said if they agreed to that then he should have made as much as Scott and Ronnie.
Shuli said that he wanted to make sure that these guys were taken care of. He said he made sure they were paid before anyone else. Scott asked what happened then. He said that he was told he would be guaranteed a certain amount. Shuli said that the number he gave him was a lot more. He said it was at least triple. Scott said it wasn't triple. He said it was at least double. Shuli said Scott keeps saying he's the one who doesn't get it but he thinks Scott is the one who doesn't get it.
Shuli said Scott quit and now he sees Ronnie's face all over a hotel and now he's on the outside looking in. Scott said he came to help them with the block party. Shuli said he came because he was invited.
Jon said he'd be jealous if he was Scott. He said he'd be happy for Ronnie but he'd also think about how he could be part of that whole thing. Scott said he wanted to do a show and entertain people who came out to see them. Shuli asked why he never did that then. Scott chuckled.
Jon said that Scott is the Brian Dunkleman of the block party. He said the whole thing has blown up and flourished and now he's not part of it. Gary said he thinks they should move on but he wants to know what Scott wants. Scott said they bring him out to make a fool out of him. He said that they'll never let him do anything else. Gary said Scott knows that they'll do that to him.
Shuli said that the fee Scott is looking for they can't do anymore. He said they have other people there. Shuli said that he can't promise that they'll never goof on him either. Jon said you can't choose when they're going to goof on you.
Scott said in San Francisco they did nothing but goof on him. Shuli said that Scott and Ronnie almost got into a fist fight out there. Scott said he's not going to continue to do this if they keep goofing on him. Shuli said he's not sure what else they can do with him. Gary said he thinks they're stuck going around in circles here. Jon went to break after that.
Jon said that JD was surrounded by 6 hot girls. He said that he looked like he was in heaven for an hour. Ronnie said it was two hours. Gary said he's not sure why he didn't make something happen. Jon said he'd have to ask JD about that.
Jon said that Ronnie has been out with Howard in Vegas and he has gotten that kind of treatment out there. Ronnie said it wasn't quite the same as what Howard gets but he did get a suite and he had a panoramic view out the building. He said he had 3 refrigerators in the room. Jon asked if he ever wonders why this is happening to him. Ronnie said it's not him and they were just promoting the shit out of this show. He said the guy from the hotel, Jason, is the guy who came up with all of the promotion with someone else.
Gary asked Ronnie if it bothers him when people say that no one else has their limo driver doing this. Ronnie said he loves doing it but he'd stop if Howard asked him to stop. He said he'd be fine with stopping it if Howard asked him to. He said they're going in on their second year now and he thinks Howard would have stopped it if he didn't want them doing it now.
Gary said he has the feeling that it really isn't about the money with Ronnie. Ronnie said he loves doing it because it's fun. He said he never says no to anyone. He said he will take pictures with anyone.
Jon asked Ronnie about his girlfriend saying that she'd bang Jon Leiberman if she had to pick from the staff. Jon said that it seemed like it really hurt Ronnie. Ronnie said the thing that bitched him off was the conversations that she has had with Leiberman about him getting tired. Ronnie said he knows that he'd last longer than Leiberman in bed. The guys also talked about how they thought Leiberman was older than 37.
Ronnie said Stephanie told him that Jon may have been busting his balls about the conversation thing. Leiberman came in and Ronnie said that he would out party him. Leiberman said that he never said he could out party Ronnie. He also said he has never had a conversation with Stephanie that Ronnie hasn't been a part of. Ronnie said that he won't talk to Leiberman about certain things from now on. He said that this shows that he's a fucking pussy and he broke man code by talking about this stuff. Ronnie said Leiberman has proved that he's like a woman.
Leiberman said that they just chat about regular things and he's not breaking any code. Leiberman said he small talks to get information from people. Ronnie said he's a pussy. He said he would never do that kind of thing. Leiberman said he has done that. Ronnie said he could tell a lot of things about Leiberman that he wouldn't want him to.
Gary asked Leiberman what Stephanie said to him. Leiberman said all he was saying was that she said that she wanted to spend more time with Ronnie and that led to her going on the road with him. Ronnie said she went on the road with him because he let her. Ronnie said Leiberman is being a pussy by talking about this. Gary said he'd like to find out what it is he said that's upsetting Ronnie so much. Ronnie said that you don't talk about the person being tired. He said both of them said he gets tired. Leiberman said we all get tired and he's not sure why that's a bad thing.
Scott said that they can see how hard they are to deal with now. Ronnie said Scott is another fucking baby. He told him to stay home so they can save themselves another $500.
Gary asked if Jon should have never spoken to Stephanie or if she said something that she shouldn't have. Ronnie said that they shouldn't be talking about any of this stuff. Ronnie said he knows that Leiberman wanted to fuck Stephanie and he let that come out when he was drunk. Leiberman said he has been nothing but nice to his girlfriend. Ronnie said that's fine. Leiberman said it's not because he wants to sleep with her either. Ronnie said that's fine. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard gets upset with the guys for going out to eat at Peter Luger's and he's being unfair about the whole thing. He said that's part of the ritual for guys who live in New York. Gary said that he didn't look at any of the things. Howard said but he only does this once a year at the most. He said that you don't do it every weekend. He said Howard was trying to make it not fun. Jon said that he couldn't disagree more with Howard about the steak thing. He said that's the place to go for a good steak. He said he thought it was a great time there. Jon said it was a gluttonous thing but they had a good time. He said he wasn't affected by what Howard said at all.
Gary said it was about going to a legendary New York thing. Scott said that it was awesome and perfect. He thanked Jon and Gary for taking them out. Gary said he didn't know that Richard was wandering around the neighborhood drunk. Scott said that Richard and McClure were chugging glasses of wine at the end of dinner.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this all seems fascinating to him but the whole Scott thing shows that they have a new tier of people there. He said if you don't want to get on the train then they say you can get fucked. He said Howard is just doing his thing and letting these guys do their thing.
Jon asked Gary what would happen if they did something like this back at K-Rock. Gary said that they did. He said that Stuttering John did a ''Friends of the Howard Stern Show'' and Howard got pissed off about it. He said he thinks that Howard has changed and mellowed about that kind of thing over the years. He said that John going out wasn't as funny as Ronnie going out so that might be part of it too.
Jon said he hopes that Ronnie and Leiberman can patch things up. Ronnie didn't seem to care either way. Ronnie asked Scott if he's coming back to the show. Scott said he doesn't know. Ronnie said ''Here we go again...'' They got in their plugs and ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how you have to love this job. Robin said a lot of people would love it. Howard said it's a party. Robin said Howard is the party master.
Howard said he was reading the paper about this guy who was a veteran of Iraq or Afghanistan. He lost his legs and arms in a roadside bomb attack. He said he got a double arm transplant. Howard said they say it's like the 6th time they've done this. He said the guy has to go through rehab for a few years but they can transplant arms now. Howard said this will be amazing for the guy. He said he's not sure if it's gay to jerk off with someone else's hand though.
Howard said they have a link on HowardStern.com to a story about a mother giving a tattoo to her baby and he's thinking it might be fake. Howard said the baby is being held down while they tattoo it. He said that you have to see the video.
Robin said she just saw the arm story in the news. She was wondering about the movies they've made about that kind of thing. She said that maybe the arms will take over the guy's body.
Howard said Howard TV has the video of the baby being tattooed. Benjy said that they have a story about one tattooed baby that was confirmed fake. Howard had Howard TV play the video so Robin could see it. She said it looked real to her. Howard said it can't be. Fred said it must be real because of the music playing in the background. Howard asked them to turn it off. Howard said that kid is fucked if he's being raised by that animal. Howard said it's so disturbing. He said he wanted to call the authorities. Howard said it could be one of these guys who puts out a fake video on the internet. He said it does look real to him though. Robin said the baby isn't crying enough to be real. Howard told her to keep watching and you'll see how much it screams.
Howard said they have links to a lot of things like that. Howard said they have it on Twitter too @SternShow and on the web site.
Howard said Scott is eliminated from the game. He said that he's not a team player in the game. Scott told him to yell at his wife because she wasn't able to come up with anything so he told her to just write down Howard's name. Howard said he doesn't want to hear from Scott anyway.
Howard said he heard they had a Howard TV fight that they didn't videotape. Howard said they don't videotape their own fights. Scott said it was the two guys who hold the cameras that were fighting.
Howard said they have a bunch of games to play today. He said he has like a million of them. They have a Dumbest Argument, Things that annoy our wives, the nickname game, sound byte origin game and more. Howard told Gary to come in with a game. Howard said they have a Howie Mandel ''What Would You Do'' game. He said they have a phobia game. Gary said Howie had to leave when they were playing that game because he was so freaked out by it.
Howard said they're going to play a game. Gary said it's a Nickname game. He said that they have a nickname where someone calls their significant other Pookie. Robin picked Jason Kaplan. Howard said he thinks that Soupy Sales had a puppet named Pookie. Howard said he never should have spoken out against Soupy. Robin said she saw his show on Jewish TV. Howard said his real last name was Heinz. Howard said that he was a DJ in Detroit. Fred said his last name was Supman. Howard said he had something to do with Heinz too though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that tattoo video is fake and you can tell from the way the baby reacts to the first needle shot. Howard still wasn't sure about that.
Howard said that Soupy had a song that he sang about Pookie too. He sang some of that. Howard said he has to think about this. He had Fred, Jon Hein or Jason as choices. Howard said he really doesn't care. It turns out it was Jon Hein. Howard said Jon has to lose some weight. He said the guy is huge. He said he isn't that old. Howard said when you get to your 50s it's a bitch. He said things are going to start happening. Howard said he has diabetes and he's just going to go out.
Howard asked if Jon was at the steak dinner. Gary said he was and it was his idea to go. Howard said he must have eaten a lot. Gary said they had a bunch of chocolate coins that they throw on the table. He said that they call it the Gelt.
Gary gave them another one which was The Squirrel and Mr. Watermelon. Howard said he thinks that's someone like Benjy because he wants to be weird. Howard was right. Howard said Benjy is the kind of guy who spends too much time on something like that. He asked why he's Mr. Watermelon. Benjy said she started calling him that when they won a Watermelon head in Atlantic City. Howard said he doesn't even know the origin of it. Howard asked why she's the Squirrel. Benjy said something that Howard didn't believe. He said they're full of it.
Next up on the Nickname game was Poop Squirt and Punkin. Howard said that has to be Sal. Gary said Howard was right. Howard said Sal is gross and disgusting. Howard said that's why she calls him that. He said his wife can't even stand him.
Gary said the next one was My Love and Baby Girl. That was Ronnie and Stephanie. Gary said Ronnie hates that name for himself. Howard said he is ill. He said he has issues. Gary said he should play the Wrap Up Show clips from yesterday. He said Ronnie is pissed at Leiberman for breaking the man code with his girl.
Howard said Ronnie's thought process is so jumbled that he has to sit him down and talk to him about it. Howard played some of the clips that they pulled from Wrap Up. In the clips Ronnie was going off on Leiberman for talking to his girlfriend even though he was there for the discussions Jon was talking about. Howard said it's like talking to a plant. He said all Jon did was talk to his girlfriend. Jon said that all he did was talk to her.
Gary told Howard to play another clip where Ronnie really goes off on Jon. In that one Ronnie said that he has to keep Jon from talking to his girlfriend about certain things. He said he broke man code by doing what he did. The two of them were going on and on. Howard said that voice Ronnie had was awful. Howard said he should keep Ronnie off the air today and tomorrow because of his voice. Gary said Shuli said that he has endless energy at the shows. He said he never stops. Howard said he has retard strength. He wondered if he went home and yelled at his girlfriend. He wasn't up there to talk to.
Gary said he has one more. It was a guy who has his girl call him Baby Butt. It was Jason. Gary said that he has another one which is Mimi and the guy is called by his last name. It was Fred. Howard asked why she's Mimi. Fred said that his daughter used to call her that when she was younger. Howard said he likes that. He asked if she calls her that during sex. Fred said that it can go either way with his name. He said during sex she doesn't call him that.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked if he beat his girlfriend yesterday. Ronnie said he didn't. He said he just asked her what happened and she said that she never said any of that shit to Leiberman and he was just trying to get into his head. Howard asked how he disciplined her. Ronnie said he didn't. He told them to stop it.
Gary said Leiberman was coming in. Ronnie said he's done with him and he's not talking to him. He said he told lies to him. Leiberman said he wasn't lying. Ronnie said she told him that she never said any of that stuff. He told Jon to leave him alone. Leiberman told him not to call him anymore names because he doesn't appreciate that. The two of them were talking over each other and arguing about this stuff.
Jon said he's not going to have this conversation. He said that Ronnie is making it sound like he filled out the form himself. He said she was the one who wrote down his name. Ronnie also told Jon that he's going to call him whatever names he wants to call him. He said Jon is a fucking idiot. Jon asked what right he has to call him that. Jon said he has never called Ronnie a name or criticized his intelligence. Howard said he's right about that.
Jon said that he has to speak to Ronnie about things during the day because that's in the course of his job. He said Ronnie bumps him in the hallway too. He said he did that the other day. Ronnie said he can't take joking around. Howard said Ronnie can't take it either. Ronnie said he's done. Robin said she loves when he does that. He takes off the headphones and says he's done. Jon said he takes personal attacks on him.
Ronnie came back and said that Jon lied. Jon said he never lied about anything he said yesterday. Howard asked Jon if he's going to fuck Stephanie. Jon said he would never do that. Howard asked if he thinks that he's jealous. Ronnie asked why he was on his case like that. He said it's fine that Stephanie picked him but he doesn't have to be an asshole saying that she wants a younger man. Ronnie said he could run circles around him.
Howard suggested a sex contest to see who could last longer. Jon said that's ludicrous. He said that he would never make his girlfriend go through that torture. He said Ronnie wasn't being fair to him yesterday by calling him names. Ronnie said fuck you to Jon and said that the whole deal is done. He walked out again.
Howard asked Jon if he has anything to say. Jon said that he thinks that we can all see what we're dealing with. He said he compliments Howard on putting up with that for the past 30 years. Jon said he didn't lie about anything he said yesterday about what Stephanie told him. He said that she was talking about how he's always tired. He said she even said it yesterday when she called in.
Howard said this game is a scary game. Robin said that it seems like they were doing fine out there. Jon said that it's actually been deteriorating. He said that Ronnie has been getting upset with him and grunting to him in the hall. He said he's like a monster at work but he likes him outside of work.
Howard said the game was Who Would My Woman Bang and it's been one for one at fucking up relationships. Jason came in and said that Ronnie just grabbed his coat and left. He said that he's not sure where he went. He said they don't have any guests today but he's not there to do security. Howard said he's not even sure what they're fighting about. He said he hopes Ronnie is alright. Robin said he's fine because nothing really happened. She said this is amazing. Howard said they need a whole newsroom just to follow Ronnie.
Howard said he's sorry to see the boys have a falling out. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said he can't follow whatever it is that's going on.
Howard said he thinks he's done with the Nickname Game. Gary said he has two more. He said he's not sure what happened to Ronnie.
Coach and Sport were the next choices. Howard guessed it was Richard. He was right. Howard said Richard has to get that alcohol thing under control. Robin said he never will. Howard said he drinks a lot of alcohol. Gary said they were joking around about the drinking thing and how Richard doesn't change when he goes out with someone.
Gary said the final nickname is ''Honey.'' Both of them call each other Honey. Howard guessed it was Gary and he was right. Howard said he does the same thing with his wife. Gary said it's like wallpaper.
Sal told Gary there is one more. Gary said he's handling it. Sal said he thinks it's a good one. Howard said that drives him nuts. Gary said he thinks that they're good with this. Howard said he's going with Gary's call on that.
Howard said he had to take a break after that. They were going to play another ''Who Would My Woman Bang'' envelope after the break.
Howard said Iran claims that it sent a monkey into space. Howard said they're pretty proud of it too. Howard said they claim they brought it back alive too. Howard said they claim they're close to getting a vaccine for Polio too. Howard said they're inventing shit that was already done. Howard said we did the monkey thing like 100 years ago. Howard said the one intellectual in Iran they sent into space. Howard said they're inventing a box for TV too. Howard said he hates that guy Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Howard said they're so retarded over there. He said they should invent something new instead of copying other people.
Howard said that Chris Brown dude got into another fight. Robin said they talked about that yesterday. Robin said he's claiming it wasn't his fault this time. Howard said he would understand him getting into fights if he looked like JD. Howard said he's getting laid so he's not sure why he has to fight. Howard said he doesn't remember John Denver and Neil Diamond ever getting into any fights.
Howard said that kid Justin Bieber seems to be desperate for any kind of street credibility. He said he's getting tattoos and telling people to pay attention to Chris Brown's music and ignore the other stuff going on in his life.
Howard played a Hanzi theme song entry. He said he has a couple of those songs to play. They take various songs and put Hanzi's ''Oh, no, no, no'' clips in them.
Howard said he has another Tiger Woods ''Baba Booey'' yell. Howard played that clip and someone yelled it out as Tiger hit his ball.
Howard said Ronnie and Jon went at it yesterday because of this game. Howard said he has another envelope and it was Jason Kaplan. Howard asked if anyone cares who his wife would fuck. Gary said he cares. He asked if he wanted Jason to come in. Howard said he did and he thinks they should have the wives on the phone too. Gary said he can do that.
Howard said he so doesn't care who his wife wants to bang. Jason said he just played because Sal handed him the envelope. Jason said he thinks his wife is going to say Howard TV's Rob Martin is the guy she would bang and Ronnie is the least. Howard said he was right about the least. He said Ronnie was on the list. Howard said that the person she would want to bang is Will Murray. Jason said that's the guy he would want her to bang if she was going to do that. Will said he'd tap that ass. He said he'd be into that. Howard said he seems like he'd tap any ass.
Jason said he went up on stage this weekend and talked about all of the girls that he'd want to fuck. He said that he was talking about all of the wives that he was into. He said the list is very long. Will said he has that same problem.
Howard said that Jason's wife wasn't on the phone. He said no one really cares though. Howard said that concludes today's version of Who Would My Woman Bang.
Robin said that Whoopi was being very nice about the whole thing. Howard said he thinks that she's happy to have time away from Barbara. Howard said she gave her a good job but he can tell Whoopi is bothered by her and she thinks that they should have a younger person on the show.
Howard said people wrote him about how disturbing it is that people in North Korea are eating their own children. Howard said they're eventually going to have to eat themselves.
Howard said he read about the singer Adele and how she has done away with her father. Howard said she has shut him out of her life. Howard said the father says that it's like he's dead to her. Howard said he feels bad about the dad. He said if he knew she was going to grow up to be famous he would have been a lot nicer to her. Howard said he's sure his dad would have been nicer to him too if he knew he'd be famous.
Howard said he didn't know that Ashton Kutcher was hospitalized. Howard said he had to lose a lot of weight to play Steve Jobs and he became a fruititarian. He said that sounds like something you'd be on Glee. Howard said he didn't know there was such a thing. Robin said of course there is. She said all he ate was fruit. Howard said he might be a fruititarian because he watches The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said he's upset with the game they played. He said it was a bust unlike yesterday. He said he had to take another break. He said they have a spelling bee coming up today. They have Steve Brandano, Tim Sabean and Ronnie playing. Howard said he heard that Steve is a piss poor speller. Howard said he was told he's kind of retarded when he spells.
Howard said he read about a 128GB iPad that they're working on. Howard said he would love that in a mini. He said he loves his iPad Mini but he needs more storage. He said 128 would be great. He said he has 64 and it's just not enough for the amount of video he has on his. He said he watches a lot of TV on his iPad Mini and he needs more storage. Howard said he doesn't want to run out of episodes. Howard said it makes him mental thinking that he could run out of shows to watch.
Howard said they have a new app that measures your penis size. Robin asked what is wrong with men. Howard said he does it the old fashioned way. He said the way he does it is wait for a woman to ask if it's in yet. He said then he knows it's small. Howard said he ran the app and it said he was a girl.
Howard said January Jones who is one of the hottest chicks on earth says that her hair is falling out in clumps. Howard said he'd still bang her.
Howard played another one which was Robin speaking in tongues. Howard said most people know it's Robin but they don't know what it is. Robin said it was a skit they did for FOX. She was playing a voodoo woman and she lit herself on fire accidentally.
Howard said he will play one more. He said this is an easy one. He played Richard making weird noises when he was being waxed. Howard said they had a woman who waxed him in the studio that day. Howard told Fred to play that like 500 more times. Howard had him play some other ones from the same day.
Howard had Fred play James Lovell saying ''I'm not lauhgin'..'' Howard thought it was Buzz Aldren but Gary said it's actually James Lovell. Howard said he's not sure how they get that wrong. Fred said Buzz was the name that came up when he researched it. Howard said he thinks it would be great to have the actual clips when they do the special. Fred said that's what the plan is.
Howard got the clip of James Lovell and said that it would be nice if he just had the one question. He said he's sorry to put them out back there in the office. Gary said it's not a bother. Howard said it would be nice to edit this stuff on the day they do production there. Howard played the clip where John was talking to James Lovell and asked a bunch of questions before he got to the one where he says ''I'm not laughin'...'' The question was ''Did you ever run off a batch in the capsule?''
Howard said that John did have balls. He said that he kept going with that interview. Robin said that people bail on those interviews. Howard said what happened is that they started doing that stuff on red carpets and other people started doing it. Howard said everyone became savvy to it. Howard said now they've watered down the idea. He said all of these shows go out and do it now. Robin said they could never go out and ask what was on the paper. She said that Eric the Actor would only want to be nice. She said it takes guts to ask tough questions like John did.
Howard said that was James Lovell and not Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldren. Fred said he has sent out the script to the guys on the tapes team and they're working on pulling the clips.
Howard said that he's going to do one more. He had Fred play ''Welcome to my nightmare.'' It was Joey Ramone saying that in a voice mail to Gary. Robin remembered that. Howard said she has a good memory. Howard said that Joey would get so fucking high that he'd call the voice mail and leave messages that weren't understandable. Gary said he actually left that at his home. He said he had no idea what it was at first. He said he didn't even know it was Joey. He said he was about to erase it and then his roommate told him it was Joey. He said that he had almost erased it. Howard played the whole clip of Joey leaving his message.
Howard asked what shit he was on. Gary said he used to drink a lot and that message came in at around one in the afternoon. Gary said Joey hated when they played that clip too. Howard replayed the clip and said they didn't even know what he was saying at the time.
Howard said Gary gets so many voice mail messages and you don't realize. Gary said not one of these messages was something that he needed. Howard played the clip and Bobo said he'd be interested in Eric the Actor's parts that he turns down. Mariann called in and talked about the crazy stuff he was posting on Twitter. Gary had a bunch of other messages from a lot of Wack Packers. High Register Sean, more Bobo, Sour Shoes doing his Gary impression and more. Howard said Sour's impression is so good but it's totally useless anywhere but there.
Howard played a bit ''The Grim Reaper of TV'' where they talk about the shows Eric has been on that have all been canceled. Eric said is fucking not the grim reaper of TV. Howard laughed. He said Cougar Town was lucky and dodged a bullet.
Howard asked what Eric is upset with. Robin said that Eric has a personal relationship with this caller who gives him a hard time and the caller asked for something yesterday.
Howard said that this bit is a joke. He told Eric to get a sense of humor. Eric said he has to be berated by these people on the internet. Robin told him to stay off the internet then. Howard said if he didn't like it he'd stay off. Howard said that if you want positive comments then stay off the internet. He said that's the life of a celebrity. Eric said he would like to go on and tweet to people that he likes. Howard said he can make up another name and become ''Steven Svenine'' and he can tweet his ass off. Howard said he can follow anyone if he's anonymous. Howard said he wants it both ways but he can't have that. Howard said he can't have it one way... you know what he means.
Howard said Eric could make his Twitter account private and no one can follow him. Eric said then he can't tweet the celebrities that he wants to tweet.
Howard asked Eric what it is that's so bad on Twitter. Eric said he had a jackass who threatened to punch him with brass knuckles if he ever met him. Howard said no one is going to punch him. Eric said he had other people threaten to kill him. Howard said he could turn them into twitter. Eric said that doesn't work. He said they don't have any security. Howard said he can call the police. Eric said he knows that. Howard said they can get a subpoena and go after him. Eric said that the police don't pay attention to it. Robin said that's what he should do too. Howard said she's right.
Eric said that Howard's show got mentioned on Jeff Probst's show. Howard said he knew that. Eric said they mentioned the Kevin Bacon interview.
Howard had Vince from L.A. on the phone. Vince said he had nothing to say to Eric because he uses the show to get free stuff. He said that he blows off an executive for American Idol and he's called the show and said ''fuck you Howard'' and things like that. Then he calls back and begs for money. Howard asked if he begged for a gift yesterday. Vince said that's the only time he's ever done that. He said he's very grateful for that. He said it means a lot to him. Howard asked Eric what he thinks about that. Eric said he's giving a re-gift to his wife.
Vince said he came up with the IQ test thing for the show and he never asked for credit. Howard asked Eric what he thinks about all of that. Eric said he thinks it's all bullshit. Howard thanked them for the calls. Vince said he had a question for Robin. He asked if she has ever used an escort service. Robin said ''No!''
Eric asked if they watched the Thursday Jimmy Kimmel show last week. Howard said he saw it. He said it was very good. Eric said it might be the most celebrities in a late night talk show. Eric said he's going to watch it again because he liked it so much. Howard said he really has to go. Eric said okay to him.
Howard said he's not sure how the ratings are with Jimmy's show. Howard said they don't have the ratings in the email they get. Gary said they get them from Mark Berman. Howard said he has a good service. He said you subscribe and you get an email from the shows the night before. Howard said he picks winners and losers from the night before. He said he doesn't have late night ratings though. Robin said he should get on that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and Tim Sabean was in the middle of asking what they're trying to do to them. Howard said Tim is protesting and doesn't want to be part of this spelling bee. Howard asked what he wants. Tim said he just wants to go back and work at his desk.
Howard said it was time for the Spelling Bee. He had an opening for the bit and Tim talked all over it. Tim said he has to go back to his desk. Howard said they have Tim, Ronnie and Steve Brandano playing. Howard tested all of the microphones and then stated with Steve.
Howard said if you get one wrong you get minus points. He played the sounds they'll play for when they get it wrong and when they get it right. The first word for Steve was Definitely. Steve spelled it DEFINTLY. He got it wrong. Then Tim spelled it DIFFENITLY. They gave Ronnie a shot too. Howard said they both got -1. Ronnie spelled it DEFINITLEY. They all got it wrong. Steve wanted another shot. He spelled it DEFINTLEY this time. Then they gave Tim another shot. Tim wanted a piece of paper. Howard said no on this round. Tim tried again and spelled it DIFFINATELY. Howard said he almost hit every letter in the alphabet. Howard told Ronnie to try again. Ronnie spelled it DEFINTLY.
Steve wanted another shot. He went with DEFINTELY that time. Tim said he doesn't care and didn't want to try again. Howard told him to just try it. Tim said DIFFENITELY. He was wrong again. Ronnie spelled it DEFINITLEY. Wrong again. Howard said he could do this all day. Howard said it's spelled DEFINITELY. Howard said Ronnie was closest. Tim said he had ''ELY'' in his.
Howard said the score is equal now. Gary said Ronnie spelled it wrong the same way on the first and third try.
Howard said the next word is Acceptable. Steve spelled it ACCEPTABLE and got one right. Howard said that he's at -2 while the others are at -3. Howard said it's Tim's turn. Tim got the word ''Amateur.'' He spelled it AMAUTUR. Ronnie spelled it AMATEUR and got one right.
Steve's next word was ''Calendar.'' Steve spelled it CALENDAR and got it right. Tim said he's getting all of the easy ones.
Howard said Tim's next word is ''Column.'' Tim spelled it COLUMN and got it right. He asked if he could go to his desk now. Howard said no. Tim said he has a lot of things to do. He said he hates this stuff. Ronnie said he hates it too but he told Tim to calm down.
Howard said the next word for Ronnie was Accurate. Ronnie spelled it correctly.
Howard said the next word for Steve is Maintenance. Steve spelled it MAINTENANCE. He was right. Howard said he's at 0 points. Tim is at -3.
Tim had to spell License. Tim spelled it correctly. Howard said Ronnie had to spell Wednesday. Ronnie spelled it WEDESDAY. Steve spelled it correctly.
Howard said Tim's was vacuum. Tim spelled it VACUMN. Howard said he stumbled there. Tim said he's better at shitting on the walls. Howard said Ronnie could steal this one. Ronnie spelled it VACUM. Howard said it's Steve's turn with this one. Steve spelled it VACCUM. Tim tried again with VACCUMN. Robin laughed before he was even done. Howard said he has to give Tim a piece of paper. Howard said he keeps asking for one and it won't make a difference. Tim got his piece of paper and pen and tried spelling it again. Robin said they didn't have all day. He spelled it VACCUME with the paper. Howard said it made it worse. Tim asked if he could leave now. Howard didn't let him leave. Ronnie tried that one again and spelled it VACHUM. Wrong again. Howard said they'll try one more round with that one. Steve said VACUUM and got it right.
Howard said that the last word is Seizure. Tim spelled it correctly. Howard said he finally redeemed himself. He said the game is over and the winner is Steve. Howard said Tim came in last with -4. Ronnie was -4 too so they had a tie. He said he has to do one more word. Howard gave Ronnie Psychology. Ronnie spelled it PHYSCOLGY. Tim spelled it PHYCOLOGY. Howard gave Ronnie and other shot. Ronnie tried PHYSOLAGY. Wrong again. Tim said Einstein couldn't spell either. Tim went with PHYSCOLOGY. He got it wrong yet again. Howard said he has to end this atrocity. Howard said Ronnie and Tim are tied for last. Howard gave Tim a piece of paper again. He tried to spell it out again on paper. He came up with PHYOCOLOGY. Howard said he was wrong again. Howard spelled it for them. He said it's psychology.
Howard asked Tim to spell Receipt. Tim said RICIEPT. Howard said he's a disaster. He said he needs more than spell check on his email. Tim said Howard isn't a good speller either. Howard said he's better than him. Tim said he wants to go back to work. Howard said he can go now.
Howard played the closing to the spelling bee. Then he took a call from a guy who said Tim ruined the whole thing by talking over everything. Tim told the guy he didn't want to do it and he should switch places with him. Tim went off on him and another caller that said he ruined it too.
Howard said Tim was ashamed. He took another call from a guy who said that they have a bunch of fucking retards there. Howard took another call from a guy who said that these words are no higher than a 6th grade level and these guys have a job while people who can spell are looking for jobs. Howard said they might get jobs if they get one in radio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie and Tim are both fucking retards. Another caller said with people like Tim Running Sirius he can see why the stock won't be over a dollar a share. Howard said it's actually over 3 dollars a share.
Howard said that they were good sports and did their best. Howard said Steve did the best with a +1 score. He said Tim and Ronnie didn't do so well but they took it like a champ. Howard said now Ronnie can go out and spell at the block party. Howard said they can have these two guys come out and spell on the block party. Howard played them out again and ended the segment. They went to break after that.
Howard said he mentioned that movie Warm Bodies that's coming out soon. He said he enjoyed it very much. He said Jonathan Levine is a big fan of Robin's. He said he has been in a bunch of movies like The Wackness. He said he loved 50/50 too. Howard said that guy is young but he's directed a bunch of movies. Jason told Howard what The Wackness was about and how good it was. Howard said he remembers seeing it but he doesn't remember much about it. Howard said he can't recall movie lines like Artie did.
Howard said he can do DaBadAss Clip of the Week now. He played JD in with his theme song. Howard played a second theme song for JD after talking about Jonathan Levine for a few more seconds. Howard asked what he picked this week. JD told Howard where the clip was and said that he's had this clip since K-Rock. He said he thinks it's a good one. He said there was a show called Starting Over with some women who had issues and had to go to therapy. One woman had issues with eating and she went to a grocery store and saw a cupcake sitting on a shelf and almost had a nervous breakdown. He said this clip is her talking about that day. In the clip the woman was talking about how the cupcake was calling out her name and telling her to come over to it. She broke down crying as she was telling the story. Howard asked if she was really crying. JD said she was. She was going on and on talking about that cupcake. Howard wrapped up and thanked JD for DaBadAss Clip of the Week. He played him out with another theme song. Howard said JD loves that feature because there are a lot of clips he never plays. Howard said even that one wasn't that good. He said that's why he never played it.
Howard said he got home around 4 yesterday and he spent a couple of hours talking to the guys on Moldred. Howard said Gary sent him some stuff that he threw out. He said that's what his role is there. He said he usually throws out a lot of stuff. Robin said they had this with Sal and Richard for a while. Howard said he thinks that he knows what he's doing and they realize that when he throws this shit out.
Howard said they made a song out of yesterday's breakdown. They had The Who and Scott saying ''Who The Fuck Are You'' in the song.
Howard said yesterday he commented on Anne Hathaway at the SAG awards. Howard said she's always out of breath and overly dramatic. Howard said that short hair cut is annoying too. He said he thinks she's incredibly talented but she's annoying when she gives a speech. Howard played the audio from the SAG awards. Howard said when she gets the Academy award she'll just be out of breath. He played an edited clip of her breathing heavy. Howard said she won't be able to contain herself.
Howard said she was overly excited over a SAG award. Howard said he didn't even show up for the last award he won. Robin said he'd be like that if he won a SAG Award. Howard said he'd go up and pretend to be out of breath. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. He said he'll have an oxygen tank with him and set himself on fire.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD's clip would have been good if it had been from Oprah or something. Howard said it would but it wasn't from that show.
Speech Impediment man called in and asked if he wants a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he has talked about this before. Howard said he doesn't want to have to pay for his own star. He said he feels good for anyone who does get one. Other than Rick Dees. Howard said when Rick got one he said he definitely didn't want one. He said he had some career though. He said they used to goof on his wife and the awful impressions she would do on his show. Robin said she looked up Rick and it says tat he has a top 40 show on the internet. Gary said he's looking at Hot 92.3 in L.A. and they say that he's there. He's not sure if he's still there because the web site hasn't been updated since last July.
Speech said that Rick is like Dick Clark but when he said Clark it sounded like Shark. Howard goofed on him about that for a few seconds. Speech also said he'd be willing to do the block party if Scott doesn't want to do it. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said Bam Margera wrote a song about bending his dick to fuck himself in the ass. The song is ''Bend My Dick To My Ass.'' Howard said the song is good and the video is even better. He said his girlfriend is hot and she's showing her ass in the video the whole time. Howard asked Jason if he has a link to the video. Jason said he's putting it out on Twitter and HowardStern.com now. Howard said the girlfriend's ass his perfect.
JD came in and said that they should have a warning about the video. Howard said Bam pisses in his own mouth in the video. He said he thinks it's going to be bigger than Gangnam Style. He said he really likes the song though. He said you have to give it a chance. Howard let he song play for a minute. Robin said it sounds like just as good a rap song as any. She didn't think it was really Bam though. Howard said it is. Howard said the hot girlfriend's ass is in it the whole time and it's very good.
Howard said he has a clip of The Fallout Boys song and it sounds like they use the N-word in the song. Howard played a clip and it sounded like it to him. Robin didn't think so. She said it's ''anchors on our shores'' and not the N-word. Howard said he's hearing the N-word.
Howard said he went to a fancy resort a couple of years ago and he thinks it was in the Caribbean. He said it was Anguilla. Howard said he's not sure if that's in the Caribbean. Howard said there was a white kid there with his pants hanging down below his waist. Howard said that started in prison where stye can't wear belts. Howard said it's a black thing. Robin said it's a jail thing. Howard said a lot of black guys are in jail. Howard said in Massachusetts they put out a PSA about how wearing saggy pants is against the law. Howard said this is a real thing. Howard played the clip of the PSA where they talk about how you can be fined or go to jail for 3 years for wearing saggy pants. Howard said he didn't know it was against the law. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said it's funny they dress like they belong in jail and then they get thrown in jail. She said that's very poetic.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the SAG Awards was ridiculous. He brought up how they call the award ''the actor'' and that's just dumb. Robin said that's the name of the award. Howard said he didn't care.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if it's true that the candle he gave to Sharon Osbourne really burned her house. Howard said that's what they say. Howard said he gave her a nice candle and it apparently set fire to their house. Howard said they were laughing about it since it didn't do too much damage. Howard said that Ozzy had told her no more candles in the house and he's been telling her that for years. Mark said it has to be fucking dangerous. Howard said everyone else has been okay with the candle. He said they sent it to a bunch of people. Howard said Beth burns candles all the time but she says she blows them all out.
Mark asked Howard about going to the store and if he washes the items he buys at the stores. Howard said he has been kind of paranoid lately. He said he's got something going on with him. Howard said his OCD started getting bad a few months ago so he sat down and had a talk with himself. He said his back was hurting and he realized he was doing all of the rituals again. He said he just ignored it. Howard said he's embarrassed by the whole thing. He said he finally just said to himself ''What's going on here?'' and stopped everything. He said he just watches TV and stopped with the rituals.
Howard said that his psychiatrist tells him he doesn't have OCD. He said that he has control issues. Howard said he had all kinds of issues with changing channels and how he has to go one up from the channel and things like that. He said he ends up not watching TV when that goes on. Howard said when he DVRs stuff he has to fast forward but then he just ends up watching the commercials. He said he had to do this thing where he would click one or 3 times but then he could do two clicks and back up to 1. He said he finally just sat down and had that talk with himself so he could stop doing it.
Mark asked if he has any good luck rituals. Howard said he has those too. Howard said when he's in the height of it he's really bad. He said he has stopped it though. He said he overcame it. Howard said it's something like hives that acts up and then he just has that talk with himself and he stops it. He said that there is no reality to those fears. Howard said his life is torture. Mark asked if he has anything that sets them off. Howard said ''Yeah, you!''
Howard said that Fred was his savior in Hartford. Howard said he had to put away the records a certain way and Fred would do that stuff for him. He said he would roll his chair over the records because there were so many out. Howard said that the Program Director used to make them wear white gloves when they played certain stuff. He said he never wore those gloves. He said that Fred would come in and help because it would take him hours to put them away.
Mark said it's no wonder he took in Medicated Pete. Howard said that's right. Robin said she used to watch this tennis player who had to keep his water bottles even and had to keep the labels facing a certain way. Howard said Tim has it bad too. He has to check the pillows all the time. Howard said he thinks that his psychiatrist thinks he doesn't have OCD because he can get rid of it. Howard said he is completely symptom free for the past 3 or 4 months. Robin said he's like an alcoholic and today he's symptom free.
Mark asked if it goes away when he drinks. Howard said that doesn't help. Robin said that Howard never had an issue touching hot girls when they'd come in. Howard said pussy is the cure for OCD. He said even Howie has said that. He said he's fine holding hands with his wife and sucking her tits.
Howard had Gary give him the Howie Mandel game since they're on that. Howard said everyone gets jerked off in strip clubs and guys don't care when they're there.
Gary told Howard where the Howie Germaphobe game was. Howard said he used to have terrible OCD and it was brutal. He said keeping the studio organized was torture. He said he had to go to Dr. Sarno back when they were at K-Rock. He said the whole OCD thing was affecting him during the commercials and he had to do something about it. Gary said he used to lay on his back during the breaks. Howard said he had back pain and he wondered what was going on with that. Howard said he had a lot of rituals that he would do and he knew that it would go away once he realized that it was the OCD that was making it bad. Howard said it was all related.
Howard said he traces his history and he goes back to that time he took acid and overdosed on it. Howard said he thinks it might have been that time. He said college was a horrible experience for him. He said that he just went up with Lou and he wasn't prepared for it. Gary asked if his parents brought him up. Howard said they didn't. He said he did it with Lou. Howard said he didn't know shit and he was a fucking nincompoop. Gary asked if he changed his sheets the first semester. Howard said no. He said he wasn't a Germaphobe back then.
Howard got to the Howie game. In the game Sal asks Howie what he would rather do. He gave him a Share a Jaccuszi or let a Homeless man sneeze on him. Howie went with the homeless man sneeze.
Howard played another clip where Sal asked if Howie would rub his penis all over a public urinal or lick someone's face with the chicken pox. Howie said he would put his penis on the urinal.
Howard played the next one which was Sal asking Howie if he would rather walk around barefoot on a piss covered bathroom floor or clean his ears with a used stranger's Q-tip. Howie picked the dirty toilet thing.
Howard played the next one which was Sal asking Howie if he would rather sleep in a dirty bed infested with bed bugs or wash your face in toilet water. Howie picked the bed bugs.
Howard said that his mom used to describe the way her mom died and how one of the homes she lived in that was filled with bed bugs. She said they would just sleep in the bed. Robin said she was attacked once by bed bugs and she never wanted that to happen again. Howard said you're never lonely with bed bugs. Howard said he can't imagine his mother's life.
Howard played the next one which was Sal asking Howie if he would rather lick the door handle of a New York cab or brush his teeth with a dirty toothbrush. Howie picked the handle of the cab. Howard talked about some of the things that his parents used to scare him with and how they would try to out scare other stories. He told a story about his grandma Rose and how she went to a concentration camp where they burned the whole family in ovens and then she'd say good night.
Robin said her family didn't know any slave stories. Howard said she's lucky they were ignorant. Gary said he and Robin went to Amsterdam once and they got drunk and Robin wanted to go to Anne Frank's house. He said that it was a buzz kill going there. He said that the notes were under glass and it was terrible. Gary said they thought it would be fun going there but it turned out to be the worst. Howard went to break a short time later.
JD told Howard where the clips were. Howard played a clip of Ross talking to someone at the SAG awards and it did sound like a woman speaking. Robin said it sounds like he's gotten more gay. Howard said he thinks there was a gay planet and he was sent here by his parents. Once he got there he became even more gay or Super Gay. Howard said he was from the planet A-nal.
Howard asked JD if he had more clips. JD said he doesn't think so. He said he has to look it up. He found another clip where Ross the Intern was interviewing someone and Robin said she doesn't even recognize him as a man. Howard said you can't sound like a man and be the gayest man on the planet. Howard said he likes that kid. He said he's had him on the show. He said that was when Jay was imitating his show like crazy. He said he had to have interns on the show and hired Stuttering John away from the show.
Howard said he likes that new Prince song but someone wrote him saying it sounds awful. Howard read that email and another one from someone who said that his hair is kind of poodle-ish now. He said he thinks that might be from Ralph. He said he keeps saying the same thing.
Howard got a review of the Block Party in Atlantic City. The person said it was the biggest waste of money in his life. Howard was making a gay sound that they play on the show. Fred played the clip and Fred didn't even know what it was. Fred said he's not sure where it came from. Howard had the guys research it. Gary said he had the answer. Gary told him it was a gay man at a gay pride parade. Howard said they have to find the tape of that guy. He said he wants that for tomorrow.
Howard said a lot of people don't like Shuli in the email. Howard read one about Shuli and how much the guy dislikes him. The writer said that Shuli is using Ronnie, Scott and JD to get an audience at the shows. Howard said that people are sticking up for Scott.
Howard said a lot of people liked the show yesterday. Howard read an email about yesterday's show and how funny it was. Howard said the guy said it was a great show. He said no guests are needed. Howard said he must have liked today's show too.
Howard read an email about Dr. Phil and what a joke his school is. Howard had some email about Eric the Actor and how he would rather sell women as a pimp in an acting role but he won't sell drugs. The writer said they should never stop having him on the show. Howard said that's a good question for Eric. He wants to know why it's okay to sell women but not drugs.
Howard read an email about eating red meat. The guy said that we're not neanderthals just because we eat meat. He said Howard is just trying to show that he eats vegetables. The guy said that he was looking down on the soldiers who eat steak. Howard said he wasn't looking down on anybody. He said he's all for the soldiers and he wasn't saying that they can't eat it.
Howard had Eric the Actor on the phone. Howard asked him why he would agree to play a pimp but not a drug dealer. Howard said a pimp sells women and a drug dealer sells drugs. Howard said he'd be more for the sale of drugs over women. Howard asked him to explain. Eric said he never said that. Howard said they were on the air offering him roles and he said he would play a pimp. Eric said ''Oh.'' Howard asked what the rationale was for that. Eric said he doesn't have an explanation. Howard gave him some thinking music. Eric still didn't have one. Robin asked if he would play a pimp still. Eric said yes. He won't play a drug dealer. Howard asked what his thought process is there. Eric said he doesn't know. He said he just won't play a drug dealer. Robin asked why. Eric said it's 6:30 there and he was asleep. Howard had the Mars Attacks music playing in the background as Eric thought. Eric said he doesn't want to do this right now.
Howard asked Eric again why he would say yes to a pimp and not a drug dealer. Eric said he doesn't know. He said he just said it was 6:30 there. Howard asked what time he will know the answer. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard said there must be a time when the thought process starts.
Eric said that drug dealing is illegal and pimps aren't in Nevada. Robin asked if he would play a drug dealer if drugs were legal. Eric said no. Howard asked if he would do it if there was a legal marijuana store. Eric said he doesn't know but he guesses so. Howard asked when he can call and find out. Eric said he doesn't know. He said he's annoyed being woken up when he's trying to sleep. Howard asked why he doesn't turn the phone off. Eric said he has a cell phone and he can't turn it off. Howard said you can turn the ringer off. Eric said he can and he didn't realize what Howard meant. Howard thanked Eric for the call and told him to go back to sleep. Robin said next time they talk to him they're going to ask him about this. Howard said ''Bye for now...'' and let him go. He had Fred play a couple of clips of edited together ''Eric the...'' clips. They had Eric the Annoying Midget, Eric the Shithead and things like that.
Robin read a story about these pet snacks called Pizzle Sticks and they're apparently loaded with germs. Robin said they can contain E.Coli and MRSA. Howard said he likes E.Coli. Howard said that's what's in his Yogurt, right? Robin said that's not what's in Yogurt. Robin read more about the treats and how pet owners should treat them.
Robin read about how someone has taken some Rush songs and made them into lullaby's (Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Rush). Robin had some examples of that and a Red Hot Chili Peppers song that they did the same with. Robin had a few other examples of various songs that were turned into lullabys.
Robin read about some executions down in Texas. Robin said the first one this year will be a woman. Robin said this woman allegedly murdered her 71 year old neighbor. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what she had done. Robin said that she admitted to stabbing two other women as well. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about a 15 year old teenager who is going to medical school in 2 years. Robin said that she's the youngest student at Webber University right now. Howard said they end up getting all fucked up after hanging out with 18 year olds. Howard said they're all failures when they go early.
Robin read about a law in Virginia that makes it illegal for unmarried couples to live together. She said that the law may be repealed. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a candle break and burn on a table. He said he was sleeping and he woke up to smoke in his house. Howard said that they can be dangerous. The caller said he has started putting them in the sink. He said he's not sure the smoke from the candles are good for you either. Howard said you have to be careful with all of that stuff.
Robin said that there was a nightclub fire in Brazil and 230 people died. Robin said that the security guards weren't letting people out because they hadn't paid their bills. Robin said the fire was caused by pyrotechnics that a band had. Howard said they don't need them if they're not Aerosmith or someone like that. Robin said they lit the ceiling on fire and that's when everyone freaked out. Howard said he read that a woman in the club went on Facebook and posted a message about it being on fire. Howard said she should have gotten out of there. Robin said they didn't have any sprinklers or an alarm system. Robin said she was like ''It's Brazil, folks.'' She said we know that. Robin said they were arresting people from the club. Robin said they should be arresting the law makers down there. Howard said the girl on Facebook was actually asking for help. Robin said security was jut doing their jobs not knowing there was a fire happening. Howard said it was an awful tragedy.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking to someone off the phone. Howard listened in for a few seconds and said they must be two intellectuals. Howard yelled into the phone and the guy got on the line. The guy said he was talking to a customer at his barber shop. The caller said that Howard gave him advice on watching the show ''Girls'' and he started watching and he likes it. He thanked him for telling him about it. Howard asked the guy, Vladimir, what he was talking to his customer about. Vladimir said that they were talking about education in Russia and United States. He said his customer was talking about how smart kids don't need help but the other kids do. Howard said he could have told him that. He said that's a dumb conversation.
The caller said that Howard has to bless humanity with a child with Beth. Howard said he has three kids already. Vladimir said he thinks he should go home and undress Beth slowly tonight. Howard said he's afraid the kid will look like him. Vladimir said he's a good looking man. Howard thanked him for the call and then read a live commercial.
Robin read a story about a school that wants to have guns for the teachers. Howard said if he was a teacher he'd have a gun on him. Howard said that's only if he's a teacher. Howard said other teachers he's not sure about.
Robin read about the upcoming Super Bowl. Howard said he may not watch it because it's on so late. Howard said he has to get up early the next morning. Robin said he'll be the only person in the country who isn't watching. Robin had some audio of one of the coaches talking about the big game.
Robin had a story about a Staten Island man whose wife went to Turkey and now she's missing. Robin said they can't find her and she hasn't been heard from for two weeks. Howard said that's why you don't go to Turkey. Robin said they found her passport and belongings in her hotel room.
Howard took a call from Ivy Supersonic who Benjy used to date. Ivy said she's friends with Elisa Jordana now and she's having a great time with her. Howard asked if he's ever had the two of them together. Benjy said he only wants Elisa. Ivy said she's ecstatic for both of them. Ivy said Elisa looks like the girl from Sex and the City. Howard said that she's gorgeous and Benjy got her. Robin sad Howard is talking to someone who used to date Benjy. Howard said Ivy is hot too.
Ivy told Howard that Benjy forbid Elisa from hanging out with her last night. Howard asked if Benjy is controlling her. Ivy said he is. Benjy said it was just last night because Elisa has a performance tomorrow. Ivy said she has a show with her on Thursday. Howard said he sees, it's a commercial. Howard said Ivy hasn't changed a bit. Howard said he had to go and let her go. (Elisa and Benjy's show is at The Cutting Room in NYC on Thursday night.)
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how credit card companies are being allowed to charge more for credit card users. Robin said that the retailers have to tell people that they're passing along this new fee.
Robin read about a plane that went down in the Hudson the other day. Robin said the plane was filled with some New Jersey residents. Robin had the audio of the 9-1-1 call. Howard asked who called. Robin said it must have been everyone in the plane. The people were rescued but had to be treated for hypothermia. The plane is still in the water.
Robin read about a man who sued an airline for not letting his obese wife get on a flight. She was ill and wasn't allowed to fly home to see her family doctor and he later died. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the spelling bee today. He said that Tim and Ronnie tied. Gary said that it turns out that Tim had one more wrong than Ronnie. Jon said that there were a few issues with the game. Jon said that Fred gave Steve a hard time not using a capital W in Wednesday. Steve said that it seemed like Fred was just being an asshole. Gary said it seems like Steve has grown a pair of balls.
Gary said he thought Steve was a better speller than he thought. Steve said he knows he's not that good at spelling but the stuff he puts up on the computer is put up very quickly. He said that Will and Jason laugh at him too so that affects him too. He said he appears worse because of that.
Gary said he thought it was funny that Tim said he can't spell without paper and Eric the Actor says he can't do math in the morning. He said Tim tried spelling with paper and it didn't help. Gary said he loves Tim and he pushed him to do this game. He said he was surprised at the level of his spelling. He said it must have been hard for him to be in there. He said that Lisa G was laughing hysterically in the green room after every word he spelled. Jon said he didn't hear that.
Jon said that Tim was talking over the sound effects and music and all of that. Gary said it was funny that they spelled words wrong multiple times too. Jon said that Ronnie and Tim both repeatedly spelled things wrong the same way. That shows they weren't really listening.
Gary said the funny thing was when Steve made a face thinking about the word vacuum. He said he couldn't decide if there were two C's or two U's.
Gary said they came up with the idea for the game and had to come up with the logistics of the game. They wondered if they should continue to go with the misspellings or not. They went with it and it turned out to be a great idea.
Jon said he had a clip where Tim was attempting to spell definitely and asked for a piece of paper to spell it out. Jon said he loves Tim but that's pretty damn funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to years of shows thanks to a friend. He said he's listened in a short amount of time. He said the spelling bee was great but he was wondering about the show being less about bits with Sal and Richard and not so much about stuff that makes it funny watching on TV. Gary said they do games when they have sponsors. He said they have two games coming up that he's looking forward to. He said they're doing a Dumber than a Box of Rocks game and a new Newlyweird game. He said they need sponsors to fund those things so that's why they may not do them for a while.
Jon said that you keep coming back because you never know what to expect from the show. Jon said they come to work and don't know where Howard is actually going to go. Gary said they have a list of contests and they have sponsors look at that list to figure out what they want to sponsor.
Jon said he thought Steve came off pretty good today. Steve said he was okay playing today. He said he isn't a good speller but it's weird because you want the bit to do well but not at the cost of him looking bad. He said it was weird. Gary said he was front and center on the show though. Steve said he gets it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks Howard has turned into such a cantankerous old guy. She said he's so mean to them. She said it upsets her. Gary asked what it is that he does. She said that he rips Gary to shreds and he belittles people more now. She said that he was doing that to Jason by saying that no one cares about his wife. The caller said that Gary is the one who really gets ripped apart. Jon asked if she thinks it's different now than it used to be. She said it does seem to be different. Gary said he thinks it comes and goes and right now he might be on the bad side instead of the good side. Jon said that can happen in the course of the show. He said that's the price of admission there on the show though. Gary said Jon never gets that though. He said Howard will say he has to lose weight but that's about it. Jon said he crushed him with the weight thing today. Gary said he doesn't deal that much in that area.
Jon said he won't jump in and say that he's not fat or anything. Steve said Howard always has nice things to say about Jon though. Jon said that he knew that he was the first answer on the Sal nickname game today. He said that's the way it always turns out. Gary said that's actually his fault. He said he mixed it up a bit himself. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that this game only worked with these three guys. He said he called Tim on the intercom this morning and he almost didn't do it. Tim said he really didn't want to do it. He said he knows he can't spell. He said he was never a good speller. Jon asked him what the hardest part was. Tim said he doesn't like being in that position. He said he didn't carer to be in there.
Tim said Howard has sent out a lot of emails that were misspelled. Ronnie asked how he knows they were misspelled. Tim just laughed.
Gary said that Tim was reading his tweets during the break and Howard told him not to look at them and save them for the air. Gary said the more he told him not to look at them the more Tim would look. Jon said he tried to take it away from him while he was looking and he didn't let him. Tim said the hate is crazy. He said he's not sure why people feel this way. Tim said to tell someone something so hateful just amazes him. He said it's just crazy. Jon said some of them are just breaking his balls. Ronnie said that so many of them show up at the block party and they're huge fans.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks spell check can't recognize what he's trying to spell. Tim said that's why you go back and try again. He said it will come up. Gary said he knows that Tim isn't alone. He said that Tom Chiusano stopped talking to him when they pointed out the six spelling errors in a memo he put out. Jon said he's sure that spell check has saved a lot of people.
Tim said he is fat, he shit on the wall and he can't spell. What else do you want? Jon asked if he thinks people think less of him because of that. Tim said he's been very successful and who cares? Gary said one of the most biting things someone said to him was when Jeff Probst said that he would teach his kid how to pitch because when you can't, people don't respect you. Gary said he looked right at him when he said it too.
Jon said that things are getting ugly between Ronnie and Jon Leiberman. Ronnie said he's just not talking to him anymore. He said he's not sure why Jon would want to cause problems in his house like that. Gary said he thinks that Ronnie is over reacting. He said he's not sure why. Gary said he didn't say anything that was too big or out of school. Gary said maybe Stephanie is back peddling and trying to avoid Ronnie's reaction. Ronnie said that could be it but she swears she never said what Jon said she said.
Ronnie said that Jon has said that he's always gathering information when they're out socializing. Ronnie said he won't say shit about anyone when he's out hanging out. He said that's breaking the man code to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is an old decrepit man. He said that he knows that he won't be able to hold on to his girl. He said that's why he's upset with Leiberman. Ronnie said that's not what this is all about. The caller said that Leiberman isn't trying to break them up. Ronnie said that Jon has his own issues but he wont talk about them on the air. Jon said it seems like he's trying to go there without actually going there. Ronnie said that's not what he's doing. They had to take another break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie about being called my love. Ronnie said he would rather just be called by his name. Ronnie said he calls her Baby Girl. Gary said that's not creepy at all. Benjy took some flack for his nickname. Howard thought they made them up just for the game.
Jason told the guys how they call each other their nicknames and how they're both Baby Butt. Jason said it started out as just ''baby'' and that turned into Baby Butt. He said now they're both Baby Butt. Jason said they talk about their dog's butt all the time. He said he's not sure how that shit starts.
Jon said that Pookie started back in 1985. He said that it was something that has changed over the years. He said it was ''Pook'' for awhile. Gary thought that was from a Seinfeld episode. That turned out to be Schmoopy.
Jason said that it's startling when his wife calls him by his name. He said he asked his wife what was for dinner one day and he said her name which shocked her.
Gary said that the one nickname they didn't do today was Jon Leiberman. Gary said he took the blame for screwing up the game today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard has become more pet friendly since he got together with Beth. Jason said that it does seem to be pretty recent but he's not sure it's Beth. Gary said that he was shocked that Ronnie didn't eat red meat but Howard said that most people don't. Jon said a couple years ago Howard said he was unevolved because he eats meat.
Scott DePace came in to talk about the ''Who Would My Woman Bang'' game and how he was supposed to handle it. Scott said that he doesn't understand why he takes the blame for it. Gary said he should have told her to just do what she wants to. Jason said she fucked that game up and he likes that Scott put the blame on her. Scott said he doesn't get it. He said the game was stupid and ridiculous. He said that most people would react to the game like Jason did.
Gary asked Scott if he can say who his wife would least want to bang. Scott didn't care. It turns out it was Jason. Scott said his wife really hates Jason's voice. Jason said she won't even talk to him when they're out.
Scott said the game is a hypothetical and he doesn't think that people answer honestly. He said he's not sure who would answer that stuff honestly. Jason asked Scott who he would want to have sex with as far as the wives there. Scott said he doesn't. Jason said he has a whole list in his head. He said he has it in order too. Scott said that just doesn't make sense to him. Jason said he thinks that Beth is hot but Marlo Goodstein is at the top of his list. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the busy show they had coming up. He said he has a couple of guests coming in. Howard said they always have interesting people to talk to. Howard burped and said he thinks that was dinner.
Howard said he was listening to clips of Oprah interviewing Sissy Houston. He said that's the mother of Whitney Houston. Howard said it's good tape but kind of long. He said he's sure it's good to listen to because no one can find the Oprah channel. Howard said he would watch it if it was there but he's not going to go look for it.
Howard said he's not sure he wants to play it. He said he already heard it. Robin said the rest of us haven't heard it though. Howard said he'll play it, he was just joking. Howard said Sissy sounds like a beaten woman. He said she just wanted to set the record straight.
Howard said he read that Jim Neighbors just married his long time male partner. Howard said that's another one of those things that we already knew but they make it seem like a surprise that he's gay.
Robin and Howard talked about Mayor Bloomberg commenting on some woman's ass and how Howard would never do that.
Howard read the article about Jim Neighbors and how his male partner has been with him for 38 years. Jim has come out and said he's not ashamed to let anyone know about this. Howard said he couldn't have come out when he was playing Gomer Pyle. Howard said that audience that he appeals to wouldn't have dealt with that very well. Howard said he had to stay in the closet all those years. Robin said he could have come out 15 years ago. Howard said he loved when he would sing on the Andy Griffith show. He had such an odd way of singing. Howard played some of him singing ''You Are The Sunshine Of My Life'' and spent a minute goofing on that.
Howard said that Neighbors was open with his homosexuality in the 60s and 70s but this is the first time he's spoken to the media about it. Howard said ''good for him'' but they already knew. Howard said it's like Anderson Cooper. Howard said we know, we get it. Robin said his best friend was Carol Burnett. Howard said that made it pretty obvious.
Howard played more of the interview where Oprah asked Sissy if it would have bothered her if her daughter was gay. Sissy said it would. Howard said she's the worst interviewer because she doesn't ask why that is. Oprah asked about Bobby Brown and if she told her daughter that he wasn't good for her. Sissy said she did. Robin said all she's getting is no and yes answers.
Howard said the interview goes on and on. Robin said she's interested in hearing more. Howard played more for her. Oprah asked if anyone told Sissy about her daughter being on drugs. Sissy said she was told about that and she wasn't able to get her on the phone. She said it would have broken her heart to find out she was on drugs. Robin asked if Oprah could have imagined another answer to that question.
Howard said he thinks if you're trying to repair your family relationship you don't go on Oprah and talk about it. Robin said they're like Angelina Jolie and her dad Jon Voight. They do the same thing.
Howard had a clip where Sissy was talking about why she wrote this book about Whitney. She said she wanted people to know how she was and to set the record straight. Howard said she must be giving the money to charity then. Robin said Oprah didn't ask about that. Howard said she gets all of the good interviews because she doesn't ask about that stuff.
Howard said Dr. Phil is the one who digs and gets into that kind of stuff. Robin said he's not interviewing big stars though. Howard said that's true.
Howard said the Wrap Up Show was on fire yesterday. He said this caller asked about them not having games on the show that much these days. Then a woman called into Gary and told him how upset she was with the way he was being treated on the show. Howard said Gary and Jon just let it go on. He said Gary must feel that way if he let her go on. Howard said he was listening to her and had to turn it off. He said he must be a horrible person and Gary wasn't stopping her. He said he talked to Ronnie about it and Ronnie didn't remember him being mean to Gary. Howard said he's with Ronnie all day so he has to talk to him about that stuff. Howard said he remembers a lot of Ronnie on the show and not bashing Gary. Howard said Gary told him that she was referring to some other time. Howard said he could hear Robin's cat. Robin said she gets outside the door and yells sometimes. Howard said it's so annoying. Howard said she'll eventually stop.
Howard said he must be a real skunk. He said sometimes he does get pissed at Gary. He said he doesn't have the luxury of being his boss in private. He said most of their interaction is on the air. He said he could take him to the side outside the studio but they're doing live radio. He said he may not be keeping himself in check. He said he doesn't want to be a dick off to the guy but that's what happens.
Howard said he has a meeting with Gary at least once a week off the air. He said that it's just him, Gary, Fred and Will. Robin said she remembers when Gary's mom called Howard's mom. Gary said that was 28 years ago. He said that he was so humiliated by that too. Howard said he knows.
Howard said most guys at work get to do things in private and not in front of the audience. Howard said he would be more measured with his stuff if he could think about things first. Howard said he doesn't have that luxury. He said there are a lot of frustrations he has and it's his own fault. Howard said he blames himself for that.
Robin said he's not yelling at himself. Howard said he does. He said he's really tough on himself. He said he's really not that tough on Gary. He said that woman was talking about what he does on the air and that's when he's not sitting and thinking about anything. He said he's being poked from all sides like an amoeba and he starts moving around and lashing out. He said that's the way he operates on the air. He said that's the way anyone would react on the air. Howard said that woman doesn't run a god damn thing so she wouldn't know.
Howard said he kind of hides his head in the sand and lets everyone do whatever the fuck they want. Howard said he can't let that happen anymore.
Howard said Gary could have stopped the caller but he claims that there was no place to jump in. Howard said if that woman was criticizing Gary he would have jumped in. Howard said t was interesting for the audience but Gary was way more quiet than he's ever heard. Howard said he wishes he had that tape. Gary said they'll get it for him.
Howard said that Gary was probably beaming with those giant teeth of his. Howard did an impression of Gary talking about how happy he was. Howard said he likes Gary and he would have fired him if he didn't like him. He said he's told Gary he likes the work he does. He asked if he should tell him that every day. Gary said a chick called the show and brought that up. He said he didn't say anything. Howard said he likes all of the guys there. Gary asked if he wants to have a discussion off the air. Howard said he doesn't need to. He said he has other things he'd like to talk about but not that. Gary said he wants to talk about some stuff off the air. He said there is some change going on there and he thinks that he'd like to know how people are dealing with it. Howard said he's fine with Gary taking care of that.
Howard said no one likes change. He said that's what they'll learn there. Gary said that's totally understood. Howard said he looks at it through Fred. He said Fred needs help and if people can't handle it then leave. Howard said everyone is doing great.
Howard said their jobs are to deliver the best radio show they can. Robin asked if there is a reaction to that. Howard said he doesn't think there is. He said Gary doesn't know jack shit. Gary said he has a sign that says executive Producer and he is his eyes and ears. Howard told Gary to leave him alone. He played a Baba Booey song parody for Gary after that.
Howard said Fred's show will be great. They'll have the origins of a lot of those kind of things. Howard said he thinks that's why he got mad at Gary yesterday. He said he didn't have this game complete. He played another Baba Booey song parody for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is a dick to everyone there and he's surprised that Howard was surprised at that call. Howard said he knows. The caller said he comes across as a crusty, old, mean, bastard these days. Howard said it might be time to retire then. He said he's ready to end it.
The caller said that he doesn't talk to Gary every day. Howard said he talks to Gary every day off the air. He said the caller is a moron. He said he talks to Gary every day. Howard said he is very vocal about what he needs for the show. The caller said he just said he can't do it off the air. Howard said he does it off the air too. He said they have a conversation almost every day. He said yesterday it was for over 2 hours. Howard told the guy to get off his phone. That guy gave Howard a big fuck you. Gary asked if that's the way to get new subscribers. Howard said he doesn't give a shit. He said that they screwed him there after bringing them a ton of new subscribers.
Gary asked if there is anything happening with the new people who have come in there at SiriusXM. Howard said he hasn't spoken to management in years. He said Mel stopped talking to him about 2 years ago. Now he's gone and a new guy is there. He said the new guy called him and talked to him for about a minute. Howard said he seems like a nice guy but they won't sit down and talk with him. He said he might be a dick but he knows something about radio. Howard said he has a lot to say but he doesn't think anyone wants to hear it. Howard said he isn't that important though.
Howard said he has no beef with this new guy, Jim. He said everyone is nice until they meet him though. Gary said he's heard he's pretty smart. Howard said he's way into that if he is. He said that he wants the best for this company. He said he walked away from terrestrial radio for this company. He said it wasn't an easy decision.
Howard went over the law suit he has against the company and how he thinks he helped them in a huge way get all of the subscribers they have now but they don't see it the same way. Howard said the first judge didn't see it that way either but he's getting another shot at it. Howard said they had to appeal the ruling so he's going to get another shot.
Gary asked what happens if it doesn't go his way this time. Howard said he just wants a day in court. He said he wants to argue in front of a jury. He said that's what was shot down. Howard said he thinks it's so simple. He said they never said how they got the subscribers but now they're saying that it's two different companies. Howard said they're one company though. He said he helped keep the company solid. He said that's how they were able to merge. He said it's basic fairness. Howard said people will say he makes enough money but it's about the deal he made. Howard said there are people who made 5 billion on the deal. He said he took a huge risk and a gamble and he worked hard. He said it all paid off and now no one wants to pay off. Howard said maybe this has made him too bitter but it has ruined his enthusiasm. Howard said this is the place they helped build. He said they were on the verge of bankruptcy. Howard said they beat the shit out of XM and they merged. Howard said now they say that he didn't get the subscribers. Howard said he could argue that he did. Howard said the whole thing is whacked. He said he's not sure what the point of a contract is. He said it's nonsense.
Howard said they say they paid a bonus to him with the merger but one thing didn't have to do with the other. He said the whole thing is screwy. Howard said they don't say he has to come in and do his show there but he does. He said he could do it from home over the phone. He said it really might be time for him to go.
Howard said if the suit doesn't work out then he's out of there in 3 years. He said he will leave and he will crush this place if they don't find in his favor. Howard said he turns into an angry fuck and he will go fight somewhere else. He said he will find another medium that's in the shithole and do what he can to crush this place. He said he will make the other thing viable and see if they'll pay him.
Gary asked Howard about the end of the contract and how old he'll be then. Howard said he'll be 62 but that's young enough. Howard said Regis was 58 when he started that show on ABC. Howard said he could do it. Gary said that he might want to relax in 3 years though. Robin said they don't know how things are going to work out by then.
Howard said he's making changes there so he doesn't want to leave in 3 years. Howard said he's trying to make things better. He said he's trying to say to everyone that he wants to keep working and he needs their help. Howard said he's trying to get everyone else to work hard so they can preserve what they have. Gary said people are confused. Howard said he's bringing in an interpreter to help with the confusion.
Gary said he thinks that Howard is getting upset with people when he hasn't laid out the whole plan yet. Howard said on February 5th they're going to lay out those plans. Howard said this is why he's working on this stuff. Howard said on February 5th he's going to rent out a room and they're going to talk about where they're going in 2013. He said he's laying it all out on February 5th. He said that he has people who can't spell so he has to spell it all out for them there.
Gary said his wife was so bummed out for Tim yesterday. Howard said it doesn't matter if he can't spell. Robin said if he just sat there and tried to spell as well as he could it would have moved on a lot faster. Howard said when you think there's an N in Vacuum then you know there's a problem. He said he does math like a retard but he's successful. He said Tim is the most successful program director in the country and he doesn't care if he can spell or not. Howard said if he did he would have given him a spelling test before he hired him. Howard said Tim should probably be running Sirius. He said that's how organized he is.
Howard said he wouldn't let Tim go to run all of Sirius. Howard said he needs him there. Howard said the spelling thing doesn't matter to him. Howard said he'd like a guy who can spell vacuum but he's okay with Tim because he's so good at his job.
Gary said they were talking about the spelling bee on the Wrap Up Show and they never thought they could have a -3 score in the game.
Howard said they could take all of the program directors across the country and give a spelling bee but he's not going to go with anyone but Tim. Howard said the guy is the right guy for the job. They played a few clips of Tim's wacky statements that he's said over the years.
Howard said that they have clips and you have to guess if it's Tim or George W. Bush. Here are a few of the lines they played:
Howard and Robin played the game and talked about how great Tim is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard isn't hard enough on his staff. He said he lets a lot of things go. Howard said he agrees with him.
Howard said Jason Bateman is there so he has to get to him. He said he had to take a break first. Howard said Jason is married to the daughter of Paul Anka. Howard said he was at the last Jimmy Kimmel party too. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said Jason is in good shape. Jason said he has to run a lot. Howard said he was kind of pudgy as a kid. Jason told him to take it easy on him.
Howard asked how fast he runs. Jason said he's not that fast. He said he thinks he's around a 10 minute mile. He said he does 6 miles in an hour. Jason said he has nothing left. He said he used to do the drinking, smoking and snorting around. Howard asked where he runs. Jason said he used to run on the road but he almost got hit a few times so he runs on a treadmill now. Howard said that gets boring though. Jason said it's not bad because he has a TV in front of him.
Howard said last night he did something for the first time. He said he was watching The Bachelor and the show is 2 hours long. Jason laughed at him before he even finished the story. Howard said he was going to walk on the treadmill Beth got for the apartment. He said he did that and watched TV. He said he never feels bad about watching The Bachelor. Jason said he watches home improvement shows with his wife. He watches House Hunters, Selling New York and things like that. Howard asked why he does that. Jason said that's the TV that his wife is in charge of. He said she likes that kind of show. Jason said they critique and go over the stuff they're doing.
Howard said that Jason is married to Paul Anka's daughter. Jason said that he just saw Paul the other night. He said Paul is a big fan of Howard's. Howard said he had him on the show and he was great.
Howard asked Jason about what it's like being married to the daughter of someone like that. Jason said that he has to pay the bill. He said that Paul's first wife, Anna, was with him for 30 years or so. He said things went the way that they went and he thinks Paul was admirably accountable for that. Jason said that Amanda knows what men are like so he has to pay for what Paul did. He said Amanda spoils him so he has to be fair there. He said if he steps out of line he has to tell her that this isn't the same relationship. Howard said he's not Paul Anka. Jason said he has never said that. He said that he's a great father-in-law.
Howard said that Amanda is afraid that Jason is going to run off with a personal trainer. Jason said he got all of that out of his system. He said he is trying to be a father and a husband now. He said that he has a personal trainer and she received him yesterday. Jason said he was joking and he has a treadmill. Howard said he has to make sure that his personal trainer is heavy set.
Howard said Jason once did a movie with Jennifer Aniston and said that she would be the perfect woman for him. Jason said he doesn't think he said he fantasized about that. He said he may have thought it. Howard asked if that was said while he was married. Jason said he did. Howard said he can see what he means. He said Jennifer is a very powerful woman in Hollywood. Howard said as a married man you might wonder what life would be like with Jennifer Aniston. Jason said she is like the greatest. He said she just gets it and doesn't take herself too seriously. He said she handles the media lashing she gets very well. He said she handles everything very well. Jason said that Justin Theroux handles it all very well with her too. He said they're some of their best friends.
Howard said he understands about the acting thing and what it's like to work with other people. He said that it can ruin a relationship. He said they do everything for you on a movie set. Howard said that it's an aphrodisiac. Howard said it's powerful stuff. Jason said it's like being in camp with someone. He said when you were in school you were able to play a girl over 3 months. He said on a movie you have about 3 months and you can have a proper relationship. Howard said it's a perfect universe. Howard asked how he resists that temptation. Jason said Howard did the same thing. He said that there's always going to be a hotter girl. He said he looked around the relationships that lasted and they were friendships. He said he wasn't attracted to buddies. He said he found a female buddy that he was attracted to and he asked her to marry him.
Jason said the way you get over another woman is just beat one out. He said that you're over it after that. Howard said he did that last night.
Howard said that Jason is in the movie ''Identity Thief'' with Amanda Peet. Jason said that it's actually Melissa McCarthy who is co-starring. Howard said that Amanda is in it too. Howard asked what movie she's been in that has been a hit. Jason asked him not to ask him that. Howard asked if he has a nude scene with Melissa McCarthy. Jason said they're saving that for the sequel. Robin told Howard who Melissa is. Howard forgot that she was the fat chick in the movie Bridesmaids. Howard said she was funny but it's funny that she's a leading lady.
Jason said the movie was going to be him and another guy but they changed it to fit a female part. He said he came up with the idea to have a woman in it.
Howard said that the TV show Arrested Development saved Jason's life. Howard said Jason got into acting at a young age. His father was a director who did freelance work. Jason said his dad got him interested in it. He said they were going out to see movies instead of going to play ball. He said that he didn't push him into acting. He said it was his idea and his dad helped him with acting. He said he was his manager until it was time to stop. Howard said he used to masturbate to his sister Justine. Howard said Jason and his sister were supporting the family. Jason said that they had to be on the set and that was kind of their job. Howard said it must be a bizarre childhood. Jason said there is a lot of responsibility at that age.
Howard asked if all the money went out the window to his parents. Jason said it went to the rent and food. He said there was plenty of money. He said he had money left over and they weren't abusive with it at all. He said that his dad wasn't able to go off and work. He said his mother was a flight attendant and she was bringing in plenty of money herself.
Howard asked if he would do this to his kids. Jason said he wouldn't. He said that he and his sister were both on shows. He said that he had a blast doing it. Howard asked if he got a lot of women. Jason said he did okay. He said he lost his virginity at 15. Robin said that sounds a little late for a TV star. Howard said he was on TV and he should have been banging at 9. Jason said it was nice at 15.
Howard asked if he had any stars. Jason said he never really did. Howard asked if he had older broads like 19 year olds. Jason said he had that a little. Jason said that he had to try and play catch up. He said he was out partying by the time he was 16. Jason said he wanted to do more adult things and he had to dial it down.
Howard asked why things fell apart with his dad. He asked if he was saying that he had to go out and make money. Jason said he stopped working with him at 18. He said his dad wasn't pissed about that. Howard asked how you break up with your dad in business. Jason said it became clear that it was starting to see like it was going on a little too long. He said it's common for kids to have their parents as a manager. He said that they use some of that money coming in as income because they can't go to work.
Howard said if he had proper management as a kid he'd probably have a lot more money. Jason said he probably wouldn't have done Teen Wolf 2. Howard said that was a shitty movie. He said that he could have held out for better projects and maybe he could have had leading man roles. Jason said his dad was the biggest advocate for the high quality movies. He said that the strategy was to do a studio movie and work that into something else.
Howard asked if the problem was that his dad didn't consult with him enough. Jason said he did. He said there was never anything he was pushed into. He said they had a very adult communication. Howard said he should have stepped aside and let someone else handle the business.
Howard asked what happened when he told his dad he was getting a manager. Jason said it was tough but they had a great relationship. He said they were colleagues. He said he wanted to keep that relationship going. Howard said he has very little now. He said for many years he didn't talk to him. Jason said that's not true. Howard said it's been strained. Jason said that is not true. Jason said he lives up in Oregon and they don't talk all the time but it's not a bad relationship. Howard said he has a lie detector there and they're going to catch him in a lie. Jason laughed.
Howard said he remembers the show The Hogan Family that was originally The Valerie Harper show. Howard said he did that at what age. Jason said he was 15. He said that lasted 5 and a half years and it was the greatest 5 years of his life. Howard asked if he was jealous of his sister's career. He said he was kind of jealous of some of the things she was doing. He said he felt good about what he was doing though. Howard said it must have driven him nuts. Jason said it would have been annoying if they weren't getting along and asking each other how they were dealing with things.
Howard asked if it was weird that these guys wanted to fuck his sister. Jason said it wasn't creepy because he gets it. He said he can appreciate a good looking woman.
Howard asked about his sister leaving his father as a manager. Jason said that she left earlier. He said they didn't have as good of a relationship as he did.
Howard asked what Justine is doing now. Jason said she's a mother and she's studying computer science. Howard asked if she's sick of the whole acting thing. Jason said he thinks she is.
Howard asked Jason about Valerie Harper quitting the show or whatever happened there. Jason said he thinks that she got into a spat with management over there. He said he's not sure what happened there but Valerie may have been shocked that they didn't want to option her. He said that she walked away.
Howard said the show ended up lasting even after Valerie left the show. Jason said that they burned her in the house that caught fire. Jason said they did a ''very special'' 2 parter where they killed her off. He said they got back to the laughs with Sandy Duncan after that. He said he misses her a lot. He said she's one of his favorites. Howard said she had a glass eye. Jason said that she had a dark eye which means it was just turned off. Jason said that you have no depth perception with one eye but she was fine with it.
Howard said Jason's character moved in with Sandy Duncan and the show went for a couple more years. then he goes and does Teen Wolf 2. Howard asked if that killed his acting career. Jason said it probably didn't help. Howard said that he was probably fine in the movie but the script wasn't that great. Jason said there were many things that made that movie shit. He said that the turnover is great.
Howard said Jason was suddenly not getting work. He started going out and not getting any projects. Jason said he went out there and was very humbled. He said he was in a panic. Jason said he didn't know what his self esteem and ego were. He said it was a big adjustment to go out and try and find a job like that. Howard asked when he got married. Jason said he got married 10-11 years ago. He said it was just before Arrested Development. Howard said he went on a drinking and drugging binge for like 10 years. Jason said his was more of a celebration thing. He said that he wanted to have some fun. Howard asked if he was hanging with Robert Downey Jr. Jason said he was with people who weren't actors. He said they were people he went to school with.
Howard asked Jason who it was that said he had the greatest stories ever. Gary said it was Ryan Reynolds. Howard said he heard that he was on a mad tear through Hollywood. Jason said Ryan is a lying Canadian. He said he shouldn't be talking about anyone else crushing some ass.
Jason said that he did all of the things he did to get it out of his system. He said he had the greatest time ever. He said he doesn't have any regrets at all. He said he doesn't even drink now. He said he hasn't for 10 years. He said he went to AA for a few months but he found that he didn't have any stories to share. He said he had a bottom but he wasn't struggling the way they were.
Howard asked if he was a millionaire and enjoying his money. Jason said he did go through some money. He said his business manager left him. He said they don't get paid unless you're getting paid.
Howard said that the acting thing dried up for him. Jason said that if Arrested Development hadn't come along he would have been in trouble. Jason said that an agent told him about this job. He said that Lee Brillstein told him about the show. Howard asked why Lee isn't his agent now. Howard said that they took a chance on him and gave him that job. Jason said he had to audition and he didn't think he'd get it. He said on the cover of the script it warned actors that they wouldn't have make up or anything like that. He said they were shooting it like COPS and they were letting them know that they weren't going to get that TV show kind of treatment. Jason said he was lucky to get in with that audition at all.
Howard said Arrested Development was a big hit with the Hollywood people. Jason said that it was being watched by them and no one else in the country.
Howard asked Jason if he ever thought about getting out of Hollywood. Jason said he did. He said he was going to fly to any city and just unplug from there and start over. Howard asked what he would have done. Jason said he wanted to go to some countryside coffee shop and serve coffee. He said he would have gone to some place like Italy or something like that. He said he just wanted to get out of that town where he wasn't part of Entertainment Tonight and things like that.
Jason said there are so many things to do in New York and it's not the same out in Los Angeles. Howard said he knows how insane he became going to other cities when he was starting out. Jason said that fueled his ambition though. Howard said Jason knew he had talent though. Jason said he appreciates it now and he works so hard.
Howard asked Jason if he was rejected from movies that would have revived his career. Jason said nothing comes to mind. He said there were some things he almost said no to that he's glad he didn't. Juno was one of those things. Jason said that he read the script and he was in a weird mood at the time. He said no but then they went to another actor and they got 2 weeks away from shooting and that actor sent a text message to Jason Reitman saying he was out. Howard asked who that was. Jason said he can't say who it was. Howard said that guy has to be kicking himself. Jason said he'll write it down. Jason said that Jennifer Garner told him to go back to Jason and see if he would reconsider. Jason said she wanted him to play the part so he reread the script and what sealed the deal was his daughter being colicky and screaming crying so when they told him that the shoot was 3 weeks, he said he was in.
Jason said that Juno was a great thing for him. He said that it made like $150 million and they shot it for $7 million. Jason said he got a taste of the gross on that. Howard said he still gets a check from that. Jason said he does. He said he's very grateful for that. Howard said he pulled that off. He said he must be proud. Jason said he wishes that it was a smart thing. He said it was actually just an irresponsible father thing.
Howard said it's almost like you have to lose it and then get it back. Jason said that Bradley cooper is very appreciative of what he has. He said he's friends with him and with Ryan Reynolds and they're appreciative of what they have. He said the real pricks out there don't appreciate what they have and they're usually beginners.
Howard said he read that Jason went to the Apple store to buy something. Jason started laughing. Howard said he went to the store and cut in line and got booed. Jason said that's not quite true. Jason said he isn't the kind of guy who says get me this, get me that. He said he just recently got an assistant. He said he didn't have an assistant to get him a phone. He said he's a big Apple geek. He said he wanted to wait in line. Jason said he got there at The Grove and he was at the ass end of the line. Jason said he fired up his phone and started playing games and there was a Paparazzi guy taking shots from across the parking lot. Jason said he was snapping away and he didn't mind it at all. He said the Apple people sent someone out to move him. He said they tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he was driving a black car and if it was on the third floor. They asked him to follow them and he figured out what might be going on. Jason said that they didn't see his face as he walked by because they were facing the other way. Jason said he got into the store and the manager was the one who brought him in. He said they told him to get his phone and leave through the back door. Jason said he did that and he got his phone and plugged it in. He said that he immediately saw online that there was a riot at the store because he had cut the line. He said it just wasn't true. Jason said he tweeted his side of it and then it turned into an even bigger thing.
Howard asked Jason what drugs he was doing when he was doing them. Jason said he tried a lot of things but not Heroin. He said he skipped that.
Howard asked Jason about directing a TV show when he was just 18. Jason said he beat Malcolm Jamal Warner by 3 months and Steven Spielberg by a couple of months. Howard asked why he didn't try to direct instead of act. Jason said he tried that but it wasn't working out either.
Howard asked how many women he had at one time when he was on his mad tear. Jason said he doesn't think he ever had more than one at a time. He said there may have been more than one on the mattress at once. Jason said this is Amanda's cue to turn off the radio.
Howard said this is an amazing story. He said he's talking about his life and not ''Identity Thief.'' Jason said the movie is great. Howard asked if he has a taste of the back end on that movie. Jason said he worked his nards off for this movie so he might have a taste.
Howard and Jason talked about how great Jimmy Kimmel is. They're both friends with him. Jason said he's a normal guy and he's great. Howard said he really is. Howard said he saw his show when he had Matt Damon on. Howard said that was great.
Howard said Jason hosted Saturday Night Live once and he said that was the best time he's ever had. Jason said he had just won a Golden Globe for Arrested Development. Jason said he thought about joining the cast for a year. He said he loved doing it and he was afraid that Lorne Michaels would laugh at him. Howard said he did the show once and he was such an asshole to them over there. Howard said he was so out of his mind at the time. Howard said he said that he wanted Fred and Jackie to write his scripts. He said Lorne looked at him like he was out of his mind. Jason said he heard that you can't even suggest a musical guest. Howard said he was so full of himself over there. He said you just can't do that. He said it was an arrogance that was out of place. Robin asked if he would host now. Howard said that's not his thing.
Jason asked Howard why he hasn't done another movie. Howard said most of the scripts he got weren't that great. He has this other career and he didn't want to do anything that wasn't great. He said that part just hasn't come around. Jason said he could go to a writer and find someone to write something for him. Howard said he just hasn't gotten that material.
Howard said he's probably the greatest actor in the world. He said he's thinking about playing Middle Age Wolf. Jason said that would be in 3D. Howard said he would be middle age wolf with Amanda Peet.
Howard asked if Jason is feeling pressure with the new movie. Jason said if it does well he will get to act longer. Robin asked what his quote is up to. Jason didn't say. Howard asked what he's worth. Jason said his wife handles all of that. He said he just goes to get cash out of the ATM and thinks of it as a magic money machine.
Howard asked Jason about what kind of money Paul Anka is going to leave his daughter. Jason said she has a bunch of sisters so she won't get it all.
Howard asked Jason if he thought the movie Hancock was going to be big. Jason said it did $600 million. He said the movie was slammed by the critics though. He said he didn't have a back end deal on that. He said he just got his paycheck and that was it. Howard asked if he ever saw Will Smith naked on the set. Jason said he did not. He said that the only guy he ever saw naked was Earl Campbell. He said that he had a hose in his pants. Jason said he was laughing at Howard talking about dripping pee on his balls during the commercial break earlier. He said he and Howard have the same problem.
Howard said that he saw Jimmy Kimmel and Jennifer Aniston over vacation. He said he was hanging with them and George Clooney for a while. He said then they kicked him out. He said no one likes him.
Howard said that Justine is great. Robin said they pissed her off once. Howard said that he has Tommy Mottola coming in there so he may not have a lot of time. Gary told Howard where the clip was if he wanted to play it. Howard pulled it up and played it for Jason. Howard said this is from April 1990. John asked Justine about how she celebrates Earth Day. Justine said she was doing a play and she didn't have an answer for that. John asked if she thinks that Meredith Baxter Birney should have a longer name. When he asked if Scott Ballentine ever slipped her the tongue and if he ever slipped it to Michael J. Fox she thought the questions were very weird. John freaked her out so she wanted to stop talking to him. She said the questions had nothing to do with Earth Day. John asked if Arthur Miller wrote this play while humping Marilyn Monroe. She said they were fucked up questions and walked away. Howard said that was horrible. Jason said she was doing theater and you can't be messing around while you're doing theater. Howard said it only gets worse. He said John found her again later that year. Gary said that she gave him the same words when she realized who it was.
Howard said it was great having Jason on the show. Howard said his movie is ''Identity Thief'' with the heavyset chick Melissa McCarthy. Howard asked Jason about kissing Charlize Theron in ''Hancock.'' Jason said it was a good kiss. He said she attacked his manhood because he didn't kiss her hard enough. Howard said she's so beautiful. Jason said she's a burper and a dirty joke teller too though. He said it's like kissing a dude. He said he was just kidding about that. Jason said he was just nervous about kissing her. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that today is a busy day. He said he has a ton of things to get to but he has many guests. Howard asked where Robin is. Fred played a toilet flushing sound. Howard said he thinks Tommy is in the bathroom too. Howard said Tommy Mottola used to run Sony records. Howard said he's going to sing a song for him. Fred had ''Hero'' playing so Howard said that he was singing that song.
Howard asked Tommy why he would write a book. He said that he must be worth like 200 million. Tommy said he's trying to catch up to Howard. He said that Howard has Alligator arms. They're so short they don't go into his pocket. Howard said he has to be kidding.
Howard asked why he would write a book. Tommy said that Dan Clores kept pushing him so he took two shots at it. He said he ended up throwing those two away. Tommy said he thought it would be interesting to write about music history instead of writing a biography.
Howard said he read that he was going to be a judge on X-Factor. He asked if he would ever do that. Tommy said he was always a behind the scenes kind of guy. He said he's not sure he would be able to do that. He said he would do a reality show if he was on America's Got Talent with Howard. Howard said he would do a great job on that show. Howard asked what happened to the rumor. Tommy said he and Simon are very close and the spoke about it for months. He said Simon wanted him to go to London and help with that but he figured that wouldn't work for him. He said that he wasn't so sure about it and decided not to do it. Tommy said he thinks that he wouldn't want to not be himself and have to be animated beyond what he is. Howard said he'd have to push some kind of agenda and a personality that's not necessarily him. Howard said he gets that. He said that he doesn't want to be a lump of garbage on TV.
Howard said that Mariah Carey must have been afraid of what he was going to write about her in this book. Tommy said he was nothing but nice writing about her talent in the book. Howard asked if he thinks that Mariah didn't love him. Tommy said that when she was 19 or 20 she was thrown into world of business people telling her what to do. He said that she became a superstar and she had tremendous pressure on her. He said when you have that many people coming at you, including your husband, he can understand why she wanted out. Howard said he heard that Tommy would tell her everything to do including what to wear. Howard said he was a control freak but that might not be so bad.
Tommy said he didn't write her songs. He said he helped make the records. He said that he told her what to wear and all of this was coming at her at once. Howard said there must have been a lot of jealousy from other artists back then. He said that he knows Cyndi Lauper is upset with him for not paying enough attention to her. Tommy said they had Beyonce, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Celine Dion, Barbara Streissand and others there at the time and they're not complaining. He said it's all about performance. He said that they performed.
Howard said he would want Tommy behind him if he put a record out. Howard said he heard that Ricky Martin wasn't going to be allowed on the Grammys and Tommy said that they were going to pull all of their artists off if they didn't let him on. Tommy said they did flex their muscles and they had to have this artist on. He said they had a huge fight about it and he had to go directly to Les Moonves about it. Howard said that's the kind of guy you want on your team. Tommy said that's what his job was. He said he was a conduit to get that stuff out to as many people as he possibly can. Howard said that's why he would be great on X-Factor.
Howard asked Tommy how he found Mariah Carey. Tommy said he as at a party for another artist. He said he had another person introduce him to her friend Mariah who handed him a tape and that's the way it went. He said they just glanced at each other and he left the party a short time later. He said he put the tape in the car and that's not something he usually does. Tommy said he heard this singing and thought that it couldn't be that white chick he had just met. Howard said he thought she was black. Tommy said her mother is Irish and her father is black.
Tommy went on and said that he heard the voice and told his driver to turn around. He said one of her songs was really great and her voice was outstanding. He said he went to the party and she wasn't there. Tommy said he went nuts the next day trying to find her. He said she came up to the office with her mother the next day. He said they wanted to sign her right away after that. Howard said there was another company that offered her 20 grand to sign. Tommy said they signed her for 50 grand. Howard said they got her for a song and a dance. Tommy laughed.
Howard asked why he's still not the head of Sony. Tommy said things change and evolve. He said management that was there didn't see things the same way. Tommy said he saw what they were doing was eroding. He said he wanted to make it a total entertainment company. Tommy said he wanted to go into business with the artists and become part of their brand. He said he wanted to do their touring and book them and have the whole 360 degree thing. Tommy said that the decline in the industry had begun back then. He said that they thought Napster was going to be a mosquito that just bit them but it turned out to be an elephant that stomped them. Tommy said all of the recording companies tried to fight it. Tommy said they could have had an alliance with iTunes but Sony Japan wanted the technology to be proprietary so they wouldn't let them go into business with Steve Jobs. Howard said that would have been a whole different story if they had.
Howard said Tommy has done a million things. He asked what he thinks about Beyonce lip syncing. Tommy said he has been in Washington for that kind of thing and it's not technically what people are used to. Tommy said that it's no big deal. Howard said Kelly Clarkson didn't lip sync. Tommy said he thinks that she sang with the track and it wasn't all lip syncing. He said Beyonce is one of the greatest singers out there. He said people should get off her back. Tommy said at the Super Bowl they hardly ever sing live. Tommy said Beyonce has sung at other events and she's great. He said it doesn't get any better than her.
Howard said Tommy was a married guy and he became Jewish for his first wife. Howard said he met Mariah and romance began to blossom. Robin asked how it started. Howard said he would have fucked her while she was recording ''Hero.''
Howard said Tommy met this girl and it must have become intoxicating. Tommy said that he was separated from his wife at the time. He said that it was all in the process of what was happening in his life. Tommy said working with her night and day the relationship started to happen. He said one thing led to another and they had a relationship. Howard asked how long they waited before they porked each other. Tommy laughed. He said he waited until the 100 million mark. Howard asked if it was real love for him. Tommy said they had a great relationship. He said there was so much happening so fast that maybe neither of them knew what was real and not real. Tommy said he takes responsibility for what happened. He said it could have been better off for both of them if he had stayed there.
Robin asked what the age difference was. Tommy said it was about 19. He said that's about the cut off. He said his wife now he has an age difference but he doesn't think about that. He said that he and his wife had so many similarities that it was like god dropping an angel into his arms.
Howard said Mariah wanted to out do the wedding that Lady Di had. Howard said that they just about did it too. Howard asked if it was too over the top. Tommy said it was overwhelming. He said he doesn't want artists to have to do anything they feel they have to do. He said he felt awkward about having so many of them at the wedding.
Howard asked if Sony asked him not to go out with an artist. Tommy said they may have been a little upset about the whole thing. Howard said he was tremendously successful for them so they couldn't be too upset with him.
Howard said that Tommy worked with Michael Jackson and he says that he's one of the most talented guys in the business. Tommy said he worked with him for 15 years. Howard said he had one meeting with him and he has never seen anything so bizarre. Tommy said after everything Michael had to go through as a child you can see why. Howard said he should have stopped dying his skin and getting the nose jobs. Tommy said it wasn't his job to talk about that stuff. He said his job was to comment on the music.
Howard asked if he ever walked into a room and said that one of Michael's songs was shit. Tommy said he never had to do that. He said he could suggest some things about the arrangement. He said at the end of the day it was up to Michael. Robin asked if he ever heard his real speaking voice. Tommy said he heard it a lot and even at 3 in the morning when he'd call.
Howard asked Tommy about the album Invincible that they pumped a ton of money into. Tommy said they spent tens of millions on recording it and promoting it. Howard asked what they do when they see money going out like that. Tommy said Michael was allowed to do that. He said he had 6 recoding studios going at the same time around the world. He said he once went to see him in Miami and the whole studio was booked. He said there was no one there. He said Michael was out in a remote recording truck instead of being in the studio. Howard asked if he was killing himself by doing that because it was his own money he was spending. Tommy said that was his money and he decided to spend it like that. Tommy said you do everything you can to say it's wasteful but if he doesn't want to hear that then you just go along with it.
Howard said Michael was a money machine and it all went down the tubes. Tommy said they did what they had to do. Howard asked what they did when they had the rumors about the pedophile thing. Tommy said they fought that as much as they could. He said he believed in Michael and he was never judgmental about it. He said he doesn't care about hearsay. He said that there is something about everyone out there. Robin asked if he would ever send his kids over to his house. Tommy laughed and said ''Hey Robin!''
Howard said he went to a party once and saw a friend of his hitting on Tommy's daughter. Howard said he told the guy to get away from her because Tommy will kill him. Howard said he would never approve of this guy and he knew that he'd beat him up. Tommy laughed. Howard said he told the guy that the girl wasn't into him. Howard said it was many years ago. He said he'll never tell Tommy who it was because he'd still beat this guy up.
Howard asked Tommy why he has this image of being a tough guy. Tommy said if you have a name that ends in a vowel and you were raised in the Bronx then you're stuck with that image.
Howard asked Tommy about his wife Thalia and how that's going. Tommy said she's very big down in Mexico. He said he fears for her when she goes down to Mexico. Howard said that her sisters were kidnapped down there. Tommy said they had one of the people out for about 6 weeks. He said it was one of the most frightening experiences he's ever had. He said that the country is beautiful with great people and great food. He said it's a shame that the government won't clean up the corruption. Howard asked if he had to mastermind how to get the sisters back. Tommy said they had the FBI and law enforcement working with the Mexican version of the FBI. He said he thinks they caught the kidnappers and they're in jail now. Tommy said when you see these guys they're just street bums and it's sad. He said it's too bad that they do this kind of thing. Howard said he's having quite a life. Tommy said that he's having a good life. He said it's been interesting.
Howard asked Tommy about finding Hall & Oates. Tommy said he was working with a smaller record company that was bought by Chapel. He said he was making 200 bucks a week at the time. He said he thought it was great. Tommy said he started out as a musician. He said he plays Guitar, Drums and Bass. Howard said he could jam with him and his Cajon that Fred got him.
Tommy said he took some acting lessons too. He said he got this job and then he had Hall & Oates walk into his office playing him some songs and he knew he had some hits. He said they were great. Howard said Daryl has said that they didn't make enough money out of that deal. Tommy said that the tours they wanted to do cost money. He said when you look at all of that it takes away from the income. He said the sales and money was nothing at that time.
Howard said that the Michael Jackson thing must have gotten to him. Howard said he turned on him and he blamed him for his failure. Tommy said he woke up one day in Sag Harbor and Thalia told him to turn on CNN. He said he saw Michael with Al Sharpton talking about black artists in the business and then he pulled out a poster of him with devil horns on it. Tommy said Michael called him the devil and a racist and all of that. He said that they had released Invincible about a month before that. He said the single and the album were kind of uneventful compared to his other hits. He said that it was like a perfect storm with everything converging at once. He said that it all came out at once. He said that record wasn't one of his best.
Howard asked Tommy what his favorite record was. Tommy said there are so many. He said he worked with Billy and Bruce and it's hard to say.
Tommy said that a number one record now will only sell like 100,000 copies. He said things have really changed. He said that the economics have changed because of that. Howard asked if he's friendly with Billy Joel. Tommy said they just had dinner with him recently. Howard said he has dinner with Tommy all the time. Howard said they're supposed to see Billy next week. Howard said Tommy wears his horns at dinner. Tommy said he only does that at Howard's house.
Howard said Michael Jackson got The Beatles catalog. Tommy said that they helped him out with that. He said that they paid $90 million for the catalog. He said it's worth billions. Tommy said Michael came to them and worked out a deal that was in Michael's favor. He said they were in business with him at the time so they were willing to work with him. He said it was easy for him to work with them too because they were just going to ask for another album or something. Howard asked if he had to go to Japan and okay the deal. Tommy said he thinks they green lit that on their own. He said they've done a lot of deals like that.
Howard gave Tommy a plug for his book ''Hitmaker: The Man and His Music'' and said he's had some life. Howard said just imagine what he left out of the book. Howard asked if he had any stories that people told him he can't tell. Tommy said it's not a regular biography so he didn't really have anything like that.
Howard asked if Mariah fucked up with him. Tommy said she's an amazing talent and she has made her imprint in the business. Howard asked if he would have let her do American Idol. Tommy said that's a great show and he thinks that it could be a great platform like it was for Jennifer Lopez. Tommy told Howard that Artists evolve and Mariah has done well with her career. Howard said he's going to ask about this at dinner and find out the real story.
Howard said he wants to see how Tommy does at judging talent. Howard said that Benjy has a girlfriend by the name of Elisa Jordana. Howard had her there to come in and sing for him. Howard said she's going to perform for Tommy. Howard asked what she wants to sing. Elisa said that she is a great singer and song writer. Howard told her not to say that. Elisa said she has an act that is nothing like anything Tommy has ever seen in his life. Tommy asked about the costume she's wearing. He said it's an interesting look. Howard told her to focus for a minute. He said this is a big opportunity. She said this is above and beyond what she deserves. Robin said this is her big shot so she should take advantage of it.
Elisa said she wrote this song she's going to perform. Howard had her go ahead and sing. She had a piano player in the studio with her. Elisa sang her original song for Tommy. Howard said she needs to know if she has talent. Howard said she's trying to decide if she should continue on with it. Howard said Benjy is pushing her to keep going. Elisa said she's not sure about herself. She said that she guarantees that she's nothing like the act that she has with Benjy. Howard told her to stop it. Elisa said that they're a couple. Tommy asked if they're a comedy act. She said they are an act and they are funny. Elisa said she has kids writing to her saying how good they are.
Tommy said the song is very mediocre and she should be singing softer. He said that she has a very thin, delicate voice. He said if she's going to continue to do it then she should do it like that. Howard said he can see that. He said he's just trying to help. Elisa said that she has a song with her co-writer that she wants to play. Tommy said she should stick with the comedy act. Benjy asked Howard to play 15 seconds of the song Nymphomaniac. Howard said they tried this already. He had to shush Elisa a few times because she was so chatty.
Howard found Elisa's ''Nymphomaniac'' and played that song. Tommy said the bottom line is that if she wants to make a record like that she can do that in the studio. He said if she's going to be a singer, songwriter with a piano it's not that easy. He said it's as simple as that. He said making a hip hop record is easy.
Elisa said she has a 30 second act to pitch. Howard said he's done with this. Howard said she's very lovely. Howard said he's sorry he even went down this road. Howard said she looks great and that's what matters. Robin asked if Benjy has learned anything. He left with her when she walked out of the studio.
Howard asked Tommy who he regrets passing on. Tommy said there were two who were signed to the label. He said they had a few labels and one was Epic and one was Columbia. He said they did some development work with some artists. He said that two that were let go early was Alicia Keys and 50 Cent. Howard said they were big pay days. Tommy said he never even got to hear them. He said the company is huge and they have so many labels that it's hard to hear it all.
Howard said Tommy took the high road with Mariah today. Tommy said he will continue to do that too. Howard said that his kids cried when they broke up. Tommy said the kids are happy for him now with Thalia. Howard said she's a lovely woman. Howard said he and Beth love her too.
Howard gave Tommy some more plugs for his book. He asked him about being part of the NRA. Tommy said he isn't in the NRA anymore. He said they didn't handle the Sandy Hook thing very well so he's not happy about that.
Robin asked what he's doing now that the book is done. Tommy said he's producing a few Broadway plays. Howard said he won't be going to see the plays. He said that's why he's friends with Tommy.
Howard said he had Mariah on the phone. He picked up and it was Sour Shoes singing for him. Howard asked if this guy has any talent. Tommy said he likes this guy. He asked if that was Nick (Cannon). Howard said he likes Nick. Tommy said he met him and he is a nice guy. He said they met out in Aspen. Tommy said Mariah was there too. Howard said that must have been something. Howard asked if they high fived each other. Tommy laughed. Robin asked if he's banged any other artists. Tommy said no but he has been thinking about Robin.
Howard asked Tommy to name the women he has banged while he was at the record company. Tommy said he was all work and his memory escapes him. Howard asked if Mariah was a virgin when he met her. Tommy laughed again. Howard told him to describe breaking her hymen. Tommy laughed again. Howard said she was a virgin. Tommy said he'd have to ask her himself.
Gary said that Elisa is sobbing out there. He said that she's upset with Benjy for not defending her. Howard said Tommy may have to sit through the comedy act now. Howard said Tommy would never last on AGT. Gary said Benjy is doing his own show out in the hall so he can't get them in there. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said it's another idea gone wrong. Tommy said he did say that she could make some records. He said her voice wasn't so bad on that one song. Howard let Tommy go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard said he might have to go in there and straighten things out. Howard said he could do that. Gary said if he wants to he can. He said he thinks that it's more about Benjy than it is about Tommy. Gary said they offered her the shot and she wasn't even sure she wanted to do it.
Howard said it's been a very busy day. He asked Robin to do the news. They played her in with a ''Gangnam Style'' song parody by Kim. Howard said he has a new one from Zach the beautiful cock contest winner. He played his song too. Howard said he likes this guy. He said he thinks he's a winner. Howard said Tommy Mottola just signed him.
Robin started off with a story about the queen of the Netherlands turning over her position to her son. She's 75 and thinks it's time.
Robin read about Leonardo DiCaprio retiring and how Jonah Hill has joined his posse. Howard said he's going to spend his time banging chicks. Robin said he wants to fly around the world and do good things. Howard said he's going to fly around doing bad and undo the bad with good. Howard said he's going to pollute the sky by flying. He said he's going to land and do good on the ground... and fuck girls.
Howard said the two broads in Destiny's Child must be happy about Beyonce's lip syncing thing. Robin said they're supposed to reunite at the Super Bowl. Howard said the only people excited about that are High Pitch Mike and the two broads in Destiny's Child. Howard said there must be a total of about a dozen football fans who are excited about that.
Howard asked if they found the missing woman in Turkey. Robin said she hasn't been found. Howard said Sal was wondering how she got lost inside a turkey. He said he doesn't think Sal was kidding either.
Howard said Robin did that story about Ashton Kutcher going on that fruit diet. Howard said now his staff is saying that fruit is bad for you.
Robin said another thing she should make note of is that Fred Norris will be appearing on Law & Order SVU tonight. Howard said Fred is so weird that he wrote him an email asking if anyone in the news would be interested. Howard said he told Fred to tell them that he was shooting it. Fred said he did it during vacation. Fred said he plays a head shop owner by the name of Leon. Howard said he thinks that people will think Fred is Gary Oldman. Howard asked if it's a big part. Fred said it's about 5 lines. Fred said Don (Buchwald) called and asked if he wanted to do the part. He said that they asked for him. Howard said he'll have to watch that. Robin said it's on at 9 tonight on NBC. Howard said the news department was working during vacation. Fred said he'll remember that for next time. Howard said Fred is the head writer and he doesn't think that's a big deal.
Robin read about Dr. Phil getting a hold of this guy, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who pulled the prank on Manti Te'o and he's saying that this was a relationship between him and Manti. Howard said he really doesn't like this story. He said he had to take a break anyway. They went to commercial after Howard read a live one.
After the break, around 9:55am, Howard came back and had Robin get to her news. Robin read a story about the weather hitting the central United States. Robin said the high is supposed to be 58 degrees after having sub freezing weather there. Howard said this is why we all get sick. Robin said it's going back down to sub freezing temperatures this weekend. Robin had some audio of a meteorologist giving the forecast for parts of the country.
Robin read about congress taking 11 says to approve 50 billion in aid for hurricane sandy relief. Howard said that's because they hate New York.
Howard said he was reading about Penthouse magazine and how they found naked pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger in a locker there. He said he was in some sex thing that they had pictures of. Howard said Arnold seems to be beyond a Kennedy at this point. Howard said he's worse. Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression while he was talking about that. He had Ted talking about how Arnold is an even bigger fuck up than any of them.
Robin read a story about vaccines and how not enough American's are getting them. Howard asked Fred if he has to take a break here. Fred was gone. Benjy was gone too. Howard said he was all alone in there. Fred said he does have to do a live one. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Barbara Walters having chicken pox. Howard said he didn't think she was going to make it. Robin said that Ed Koch went into the hospital and came out but he's been re admitted. She said he has fluid in his lungs. Robin said he's going to miss the premiere of the documentary about his life.
Robin said a new Blackberry phone is going to be introduced today. Howard said it's over for them. Robin said it's a shame. Howard said they blew it. Howard said his wife held on to her Blackberry and he converted her over to the iPhone. Howard said he's not switching unless it blows him. Robin said their market share has shriveled to less than 5 percent. Fred said the new iPad that's coming out is going to really make them shake in their pants.
Robin said that YouTube is looking for content producers to produce content for them that they can charge for. Robin said they will eventually start charging for this stuff. Howard said he can't wait until YouTube starts charging money so he can steal it and put it up on a free web site. He wants to see how those fuckers like it. Howard said they do that shit to him so he's going to turn it around on them and call it YouYouTube or HowardTube. Howard said maybe he'll call it FuckYouTube. Howard said the lawyers will come right after him. He said he's not against YouTube but people take the video from his Howard TV channel and put it up. If you complain they just say fuck you and ignore it. Howard said everything on YouTube is going to be free on HowardTube.
Robin read about how drugs are smuggled into the country. Robin said that they arrested some people at JFK the other day and these people had their underwear stuffed with drugs. Howard said he read a story about this woman who told a story about fucking Robert De Niro and he wore socks in bed. Howard said he's going to drop everything and go out and buy that book. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez and how he's being accused of being involved with people who are dealing with performance enhancing drugs. Robin said he keeps denying this though. Howard said he looks like a juice head. Howard said that's probably why they accuse him of that. Gary said that he did admit to taking steroids for a short time. Robin said she was watching the whole thing and said that no one dominates their sport at 40. Robin said there are new allegations and sports casters are saying if he did anything that the Yankees will try to get out of their contract with him. Robin had some audio of some fans commenting on that story.
Robin read a story about Ray Lewis from the Baltimore Ravens denying that he used banned substances. Robin said he's accused of using deer antler velvet extract. Robin had audio of Lewis denying the story. Howard wondered who came up with that and how they figured out that deer antler could heal anything. Howard said maybe deer toenails make your penis grow. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Al Gore making the rounds after selling his Current TV network. Robin said that he was on David Letterman and talked about selling his network to Al Jazeera. Robin had a clip of Al talking to Dave about that. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about that. Robin was going crazy talking about how they have to figure out a way to do fracking without making the mess that they do now. She said that's what scientists are supposed to do.
Robin read about a woman who was going to be executed in Texas. Robin said she's back on death row now. Robin said that the woman killed a neighbor and admitted to having killed two others. Howard said the jury gave her the death sentence. Howard said they feel bad for her now. Robin said they're giving her more time to file paperwork in her appeal.
Robin read about President Obama talking about how we have over 11 million illegal immigrants in this country. Howard said that seems about right. He said he drives down the road seeing the people mowing the lawn and figures there must be 11 million illegal immigrants here. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about immigration reform. Howard said the way he speaks has changed. Howard said he couldn't do that if he were president. Howard said he'd come out and say it's time to get these illegals out of the country. Howard said you just say what you're doing instead of doing the whole singsong bullshit.
Robin had some audio of a mayor talking about gun control and what needs to be done. Another guy on the show said that it's easy for him to say because he has an armed group of men following him around. Robin said that was on Piers Morgan's show. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Boeing knowing about problems with the lithium ion batteries in their 787 aircraft. Robin said that they have grounded the whole fleet of 787s because of it. Robin said that they found the new batteries were at fault and they're saying that Boeing knew about it before putting them in the hands of the airlines. Robin said this is why we need regulations.
Robin read about Ashley Judd and Dario Franchitti are ending their marriage. Howard said he read that Frank Ocean is going to press charges against Chris Brown. Robin said she read that too. Robin said she's not even sure they hit each other. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:35am.
Jon went over some of the other things that happened on the show today. They talked about Tim Sabean's spelling and how upset Gary's wife was with them over that. Gary said she thought they were mean to him. Gary said they didn't make him do it but they may have pushed him a little bit.
Jon said Howard also brought up that woman who called in yesterday and defended Gary. Gary said that Robin seemed surprised today when she found out that he and Howard can't really talk about things around there. Gary said that there's a great episode of The Larry Sanders Show where Larry wants to be in the loop at the show but once he's in it, he wants out. He said Howard is like that. He said Howard doesn't want to be in the loop.
Gary said he can talk to Howard about work at any time. He said if he starts getting into things that make him uncomfortable he doesn't want to be part of it.
Jon said that Elisa Jordana came in today and Tommy Mottola critiqued her. Jon said that she wanted to present this act with Benjy to him. Jon said that they were only going to have her perform for him.
Benjy was in for a rare Wrap Up Show appearance. He said that they asked her to do the show today. Gary said it's not black and white with Benjy. He said that he didn't say she would just come in and sing. He said Benjy wanted her to have a Baby Grand in there today. He said it was going to cost a lot to rent it and tune it. He said that Benjy was going to pay for it but he felt bad about that. He said it was turning into a whole big thing. He said they just wanted her to perform for Tommy.
Gary asked how Benjy presented it to Elisa. Benjy said that he told her about it and he also told her he wanted to do the comedy thing. Gary said that they didn't do anything to hurt Elisa. Benjy said she's upset with him and not the show. Gary said they told him not to do the comedy routine. He said Benjy wanted to do it and they told him not to. He said it's a very simple bit that became more about them than it was about Tommy Mottola. Gary said he's very difficult to work with. He said he's missing the point. Benjy said he's not sure why he's getting him into an argument. Gary said it was a simple bit that he turned into this big thing. Gary said he heard that he called Tim Sabean about it.
Benjy said he asked if it would be cool to use the piano and he was fine with paying for it. Gary said when he thought there was no charge for the piano he said yes. He didn't want it after he found out there was a cost involved. Gary said this is his day. He said he has to deal with this in his right ear while this other stuff is going on. Benjy said Gary is wrong about the piano thing.
Gary said this is boring and he has to move on to the next part. Benjy said he's not sure why Gary is mad at him. Gary said he's difficult and that's why he's mad. He said that even his age isn't a yes or no question.
Benjy said he thinks that Elisa's song is beautiful and he's not going to change that. Jon asked why Benjy pushed for the second song to be played. Gary said he told him not to play it after he had asked Howard to play it. Gary said that he said no. Benjy asked if it's okay for him to ask Howard to play it. Gary said that's like a slap to his face. Gary said Howard isn't going to say no to him on the air. Benjy said he thinks that he is okay with saying no to him. Gary said this is how it turns into something that it didn't start out as. Jon said they had to take a break and try to get out of this vortex.
Benjy said maybe he is difficult. He said a lot of people say that he is so maybe he is. Benjy said he doesn't think it's bad asking Howard to play something during the show.
Jon asked if he and Elisa are okay. Benjy said he hopes so. He said that she's upset with him for not doing the comedy bit instead of the song. He said she was upset that he didn't give his opinion on the song either. Gary asked why she would be upset with him if he didn't do something that she was asked not to do.
Jon asked if she shoved a cupcake in his face too. Benjy said she did and he told her to do that. Gary said they had to clean that up and that's just another thing that they had to do today.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said Benjy knew what the deal was today. He said that he really is difficult. Benjy said he's not playing games. He said that he thinks it's fine if he asks Howard to do something on the air. He said that he might ask Gary to skip into the studio and Gary might say no. He said he thinks asking Howard about the same thing is fine. Gary said he doesn't.
Ralph said that we don't want to hear 20 minutes of Elisa and her nasally voice. Benjy said that he doesn't appreciate the snide comments. He said they asked her to do a live song but she didn't have an interest in that. Gary said she shouldn't have come in today then.
Gary said they had a chance to get a real moment with her today and as soon as Benjy found out about it he ran out and closed the door in the green room. Benjy said he wanted to talk to her and tell her he loves her. Gary said that was the moment he thought he could save the bit with two people who aren't very real usually. Benjy said Howard went out and talked to her during the break and that was nice of him.
Ralph said he liked Tommy Mottola today. He thought he was good even though he was low key. Jon said that he told Elisa what he thought of her song today too. Jon said he has to respect that. Benjy said he doesn't. He said that he doesn't have to respect that. He said if he likes something and someone else doesn't, he doesn't have to respect it. That led to Gary arguing with Benjy about what respect means. Jon said he had to take another break after that.
Jon said Gary brought this up and Howard thought it was weird that Fred sent him an email about it and thought that whole thing was odd. Fred said that he has to thank the guy who contacted his agent Don. Jon asked if he thinks Howard is happy that he did this. Fred said he had a wonderful time doing it. He said they were very nice to him on set over there. He said he has a very short scene and he may or may not have critical information for the SVU team.
Fred said they had to rent out a store and create a head shop. He said he told them they could open their own store with Law & Order bongs and stuff but they didn't go for it. He said people were actually stopping in at the store while they were shooting.
Jon asked Fred what he thought about the Tommy Mottola interview. Fred said he thought it was a great interview. He talked about some of the stuff he talked about today and the kind of power Tommy had at Sony when he was there.
Jon said most of the show has been about Benjy and Elisa. He asked Fred what he thinks about Benjy asking Howard to play that second track. Fred said you have to make the most of your opportunity in that room when you're in there. He said he hasn't spoken to Elisa but maybe she thought it was going to be a different thing. He said the plan all along was just to play a song. Jon asked Benjy if she thought it was something else. Benjy said he doesn't know. Gary asked him what he told her it was going to be. Benjy said they talked about the opportunity maybe coming up. Fred said it never came up during the pitch. Never. Jon said maybe Elisa was misled. Gary said it's sounding that way.
Benjy talked about how he thinks her song was beautiful and he's not going to change his mind. Jon said he thinks that he's a good boyfriend. Benjy said he would have said that even if he wasn't her boyfriend. Gary said he didn't think her performance was her best today. Fred said he thinks when Elisa walked in the room today she wasn't confident. Benjy said she wasn't. He said that she didn't think that was the right song to perform in front of him. Gary said that's where Benjy failed.
Benjy said Tommy may not like the song but the art stands on its own. Gary said he's not making sense. Benjy said to him the song is a beautiful song. Benjy said she thought it wouldn't be his thing but he thought it was fine either way. Fred said she could have done it to a track. Gary said that he's canceling any bits that involve Benjy in the future. Fred asked if her goal was to impress Tommy or not. Benjy said her goal was to have a good time and do her best. Fred said she did that. Benjy said that she's the love of his life. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Robin's News, Awful Katherine McPhee Songs And More. 01/31/07. 10:15am
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and he's thinking that JD has been a bit of a prick to the audience lately. JD came in and tried to defend himself but Howard told him it comes off really gross when he beats up on the audience. JD said the woman was attacking him so he was trying to be interesting. Howard told him to just be himself and stop with the phony stuff. He said it comes off really poorly when they do shit like that to the audience.
JD said that woman wasn't being nice at all. Howard wished he had the audio so he could play an example. Gary said they could have it in a few minutes. JD said he won't go on the show anymore if they don't want him to, he doesn't care.
JD's New Theme Music. 01/31/07. 10:50am
At one point during the news Howard mentioned the lame thing that Prince's record company marketing people did by sending over some Prince songs and asking them to speculate on whether or not they thought he'd perform them during the super Bowl. That led to Howard pretending to do something lame like that but then Gary came in and stated asking questions about the whole thing. Howard thought he was really getting into it even though it was supposed to be a goof. Howard told him to stop because he really didn't care what Prince did during the Super Bowl.
Gary told Howard that he had the JD clip from the Wrap Up Show from the day before. He played that and the woman suggested a new song for JD that Howard actually liked. It was a Hawaiian song which Howard actually thought would work for him. He told Fred he's got to get that music you hear in every Hawaiian scene. He continued to play the audio clip and figured that maybe JD was right by going off on her, she was kind of boring. He said it rubbed him the wrong way yesterday but today he didn't care.
Howard talked to JD about his mother who lives in Hawaii. That was why that woman came up with the Hawaiian music. JD said he's going to be seeing his mother in August when they have a family reunion to go to. Howard and the guys continued to goof on JD and played some more goofy Hawaiian music for him. Howard thought that their conversations had led to his mother agreeing to finally see him. JD asked that no one write this up in any show rundowns or anything like that.
JD said the family reunion was planned before their conversations so that had nothing to do with it. Howard asked JD if he feels unloved since his mother won't come out to visit him. JD said he didn't want to talk about any of this on the air. He said now he's going to have to deal with all of this with his mother. Fred played some more of that Hawaiian music and some porn clips in the background. Howard said that's what JD is going to hear in his mother's house if he ever goes out there.
A guy called in and suggested some more Hawaiian songs to play for JD. He said that ''Pearly Shells'' or ''Huke Lau'' would be great. Fred found ''Pearly Shells'' so he played that. Howard suggested ''Little Grass Shack'' so Fred looked for that one as well.
Howard asked JD if he ever wonders about his mother and wants her there with him. JD said he just doesn't think about it. Howard wondered if he thinks he's gross because she won't come to visit him. JD said he thinks he's gross but it doesn't have anything to do with his mother.
Howard heard that JD has been fighting with Scott the Engineer's intern who gives him a drive home. JD didn't know what that was about but Gary said they're actually fighting over Myspace. JD said it's not even a fight. Howard wondered when he has time for Myspace. JD said they're not fighting, they're doing a play fight and it's not real. He said she's only given him a ride a couple of times anyway. When Howard tried to get details out of him, he just responded with an ''I don't know.''
The intern came in so Howard asked her what's going on. She said that JD is really rude. She tries to get some conversation out of him but he won't talk about anything with her. That led to Howard talking about how Kimberly Kane was interviewed and said she has phone sex with this guy (JD) and he tells her to do really weird shit. Howard spent a minute talking to the intern about the way JD acted and she claims that he's never thanked her once. Howard said that's his tough guy image and he's probably upset that his mother won't visit him.
The intern said that JD has mentioned to her that he's wild in bed. She wasn't sure how that came up though. Howard asked JD if he was in love with this chick. JD said he's not, especially after this. The intern said that JD acts like an asshole. She said she sent him this message about why she doesn't like him through Myspace and he responded but she didn't get back to him. She said she's been avoiding him in the halls now. Fred ended up playing more of that Hawaiian music as Howard was wrapping up with JD. He told JD that not every chick is like that Porno chick Kimberly Kane, they're not all going to be into him. He told him that he's there for him every day and he won't wait until August to see him.
Richard came in and said that JD's breath has been really good for the past few months and it used to be really bad. He said he's been brushing his teeth and chewing gum more. Doug Goodstein came in and said that Richard smells really bad today. He said his eyes were tearing up in his office earlier from the body odor smell. Robin told JD to learn how to talk to girls who aren't in the porn industry. Howard told him to keep up with the brushing too.
In the clip Howard brought up the Yul Brynner PSA that they played after he died. Howard said that they figured they'd make one for Scott the Engineer. Howard played the Yul Brynner commercial that he was talking about and they found out that people started smoking even more after they saw that PSA. Yul asks people not to smoke because he smoked and got cancer.
Howard said no one wants to be told not to smoke. Howard told Scott to come in there. Scott came in and Howard said he's going to cut this for the American Cancer Society. Howard said he thinks Scott will be dead in the next 5 years. He said he smokes way too much. He said he has a terrible cough. Howard asked Scott if he'll cut this PSA. He said his lips are more yellow than usual. Scott said they're just chapped lips. Howard said they're from the cigarette. Howard said it's the most annoying thing about smoking. He said the non filters really get you. Robin asked if he really smoked non-filters. Howard said he had to just to get a buzz. Howard asked Scott if he ever smoked Camels. Scott said he hasn't. Howard said Scott has the special filters.
Howard said that bad lip is small potatoes next to the big C. He said he wants to do it without a script first. Scott said he had to think about it. Howard did an intro for him and Scott just said ''Don't smoke ya bastards.'' Howard said he should say something other than that. Howard introduced him as ''the late, lazy Scott the Engineer.'' Scott tried again and told people not to smoke.
Howard said he has to write something for him. He told him to try not to look like he's reading. Howard introduced him again and Scott read his lines about being dead because cigarettes killed him. He had a bunch of jokes in his lines. Jackie said it's great that he has to go back and produce the commercial now.
Howard said Scott should do it more sincerely. He had him read some more lines that Jackie wrote for him. Jackie was cracking up at the lines as he read them. This time he was talking about how those cigarettes are like his 20 little friends. He also said as they speak maggots are eating his tar filled lungs but at least his wife can't nag him.
Howard said that Scott is going to lose at least 15 years off his life. Howard said he really should stop. Howard said if he stops right now he might stand a chance. Howard asked why he doesn't do that. Scott said it's very hard to quit. Howard asked if he believes cigarettes kill you. Scott said they might contribute. Howard asked if he thinks he's going to beat the odds. Scott said he doesn't know. Robin said this is like talking to a wall. Howard said the Salems aren't known for being great smokers. Scott said he really doesn't know. Howard said Scott's dad died from cancer. Scott said he knows smoking doesn't help.
Howard said Scott might die in his 50s. Scott said he thinks he'll last into his 60s. Howard said maybe he could die in his 80s if he quit smoking now. Howard said he might last another 20 years. Scott asked if he would want to prolong his life if he had his wife. Howard said he gets it now. He said he'll never bother him again about the smoking. Howard told him that he might die faster if he drove blindfolded. Scott said he knows. They went to break after that.
Howard From The E! Studios In Los Angeles Day 2. 1/31/01. 7-8am
Ex-mobster Henry Hill came in for a quick interview. Howard said that Henry looks pretty good. Howard explained how Henry got to where he is. Henry's life was the basis for the movie ''Goodfellas''. He turned State's witness after being busted for a bunch of crimes and he eventually went into hiding. He came out of hiding and did Howard's show years ago. He isn't very afraid to come out anymore.
Howard said that Henry has a web site now and he's got a top ten list of ways to kill people. The list gives names for each kill and explains what it is. Here are some examples:
Howard spent a little more time with Henry asking him about his former life of crime. Henry told Howard how he used to make money selling tax-free cigarettes out of a truck. He said he could make $3-4000 a day selling them. He'd fly down to Washington DC and buy a truck full of cigarettes and drive back to New York to sell them. Back then they didn't put people in jail for that. Henry said they'd just give you a summons for something like that. He was also a bookie for a while and made some good money doing that. He would also ship stolen cars to Haiti and make about $1500 per car and he was doing 10-20 a month. He doesn't do that stuff anymore and now he doesn't have much money.
Henry said he's got a woman in his life and even a grand child. His son is an Attorney and his daughter is a Stockbroker. They don't tell the grand child about Henry's life of crime of course. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Henry and then wrapped up the interview.
In the clip Howard was playing a clip from Ed Wood and talking about how great Martin Landau was in the movie. Howard and Robin talked about some of their favorite scenes in the movie. Howard played another clip where Landau freaks out after being called a sidekick. Howard said Martin Landau rules. He said he was cool on Mission Impossible but he's awesome in this. Howard said he should play that part every day.
Howard said he's still pretty upset, as usual. He said he's kind of freaking out about how old he is. Robin said she's not. Howard said he thinks that everything is over. Howard said people start to look real bad when they're about 50. Howard said he has seen some really bad looking people at 50. He said he has about 20 more good years before he looks like an old man. He said he thinks that's about it for his whole life. Howard asked what he's experienced. He said he goes to work, goes home, goes to work and then goes home. Robin asked what he'd be experiencing if he wasn't doing that. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he'd be doing something else though. He said he'd be partying.
Howard asked Fred if he's losing his hair. He had him bend over so he could look. After taking a look he said he's not.
Howard said he's raising his kids and they're going to grow up to be for some guy. Howard said he's putting in all this work so some jerk can be with them. He said it's so much crap. Howard said the guys know what he's talking about.
Howard said he takes a look at someone like Scott the Engineer who isn't allowed to go to the Super Bowl party. Howard said it's killing him too. Howard asked him to come in so they can talk about his situation. Howard said he asked Scott why he didn't come and Scott said he had a meeting. Howard asked if he just wasn't allowed to go. Scott said that's what it was.
Howard asked Scott how old he is. Scott said he's apparently not old enough. Howard said Scott's wife has worked it into the situation that he's the most desirable man on the planet. Howard said she won't let him go to this party. Howard said Scott is the least desirable out of the whole group of guys at the party. Howard told Robin to think about the guys who were there and pick someone to sleep with. Howard said Scott would probably be the last one on the list.
Howard gave Robin the list of guys who were there. Gary, Fred, Howard, Wayne Seagal, Neil, Gay Rich, Ralph, Billy, Dominic, the E! crew, Jeff Schick and others were there. Robin said when she thinks about the whole crew then there are quite a few floating near 0. She said that Scott is right down there too. Howard said he's bald and miserable.
Gary said that Scott will try to convince you that he was a ladies man in his day. Howard asked him to tell some stories but Scott said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said he can't talk about it because of his wife. Scott refused to say anything. Howard said he's a grown man and he can't talk about having sex before his wife. Scott said he had sex before his wife but he isn't talking about that stuff.
Howard said Scott has such a complicated love life that his wife won't let him do anything. Howard asked what happened with the party. Scott said he was busy. Howard said he wasn't given permission to go. Robin said he didn't even ask. Howard said he is so put in his place. Robin asked what happens if they have this conversation. Scott asked what they think. Howard said he has no idea. Robin said she's not sure why any woman would want a man this miserable. Robin asked why there is this paranoia. Howard said it makes Scott more desirable. Howard said if you have an undesirable person then it isn't so good. Howard said he's more desirable if he's wanted by someone else. Howard said no one even goes near Scott at the parties.
Robin asked if Scott even got a massage. Howard said Scott knows better. He was in there working on the board. Robin said Scott is trying to say that no other woman is desirable to him now that he's with his wife. Fred did his impression of Scott and goofed on him about that a little bit.
Howard said Scott's fingers have a tan on them from his cigarettes. He had him hold them up for the camera. Howard talked about what Scott told him about why he wasn't able to make it to the party. Howard said Scott said he had a previous engagement. Howard congratulated him on everything being just fine in his relationship. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott saying his mantra of ''I love my wife... I need a cigarette.''
Howard said Scott and his wife go through a carton of cigarettes every other day. they won't buy 5 at a time so they go shopping every other day. Howard said he could get 5 for the week but he goes out every other day. Howard said he thinks that's wild.
Howard and Robin were asking where he gets his cigarettes and if it's from the same place. Scott said he gets them at different places. Howard said Scott is going to come in there with a gun and wipe them all out some day.
Howard said his grandfather used to trade his food for cigarettes during the war. He said he had to quit smoking when he got a lung disorder. Howard said Scott will never stop though. He did his impression of Scott making fun of his grandfather for quitting.
Howard asked Scott which place he goes to most for the cigarettes. Scott said it's a stationary store. Howard asked if he knows the guy's name at the shop. Scott said no. Howard asked if the guy recognizes him. Scott said he does. Howard asked if he asks why he won't buy more than one carton. Scott said the guy has them in a bag by the time he gets to the counter. Howard said he finds it peculiar that he doesn't ask why he won't buy more than one at a time. Howard asked if he goes home first or does he get them on his way home. Scott said he doesn't have a set pattern.
Howard asked Scott how he knows when to go get more. Scott said there is no set pattern. Howard said he's just curious about this. He said it's fascinating to him. Scott said he thinks it's ridiculous. Howard asked what they do when they go away for a weekend. Scott said they buy extras. Howard said they should tape Scott going to the store to buy his cigarettes. Howard asked Scott if the guy says hello to him. Scott said he does. Howard asked if he has to ask for matches. Scott said he has a lighter. Howard asked if he asks him not to give him matches. Scott said sometimes he does. He said the guy will ask.
Howard said Scott used to be allowed to go to these things. Howard said he doesn't know what happened. They continued to goof on Scott for a couple more minutes. Howard said it's great to see women fighting over Scott. Robin said it's just one woman and she's fighting with herself. Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin's L.A. Trip And Howard Hating The Snow. 01/31/11. 6:10am
Howard asked Robin what she was up to this weekend. She was out in L.A. meeting with people and shooting more of her Vegucating Robin show. Howard said he played chess all weekend so he could avoid work. He said it was like detoxing for him. He said it's like an addiction and he doesn't want to be beaten. He said he can't put it in it's proper perspective of being a hobby. Robin said that's why she can't play tennis. She would want to be really good at it and she just can't do that. Howard said he gets that. Robin said Howard makes fun of her for all of these things she does and she does them to be good at them. Robin said she was riding horses 4 days a week at one time trying to get better at it. She said it was just going to be more and more. She had to stop.
Howard said this prediction of snow this week is ruining his week too. He said he doesn't like all of this snow and he's not having fun with it. Robin said a couple of days in Los Angeles made things really nice. She said it was rejuvenating. It was in the high 60s and low 70s out there. She said it sounded so dreamy out there.
Howard said they can move the show anywhere once his daughter graduates high school. He said they should do something weird and just move to New Jersey. He said that would piss a lot of people off. Howard said nothing is holding him there in New York once his daughter is in college. He said that one of them lives out in California already.
Howard said something is always holding him back like his parents or something like that. Robin said they're not getting any younger. Howard said he's stuck there with the snow. He's not sure why they're still there. He said his mother told him a story about someone stopping by and helping them shovel. Howard said he talked about this last week and how they worry about someone coming to shovel them out.
Howard did his impression of his mother telling him about the last snow storm and how their gardener came and shoveled them out. Howard said that they were cleared out perfectly. Howard said then she told him that they came to plow the street and the pushed the snow on to their driveway. It formed a block of ice. Howard said she told him it was a block of ice that you've never seen. She said that Ben was out trying to shovel it out. She threw on some clothes and went out to tell Ben to stop. Howard said she told him that she told him to stop but he wanted to get his newspaper. Howard asked why they don't get a delivery. Ben doesn't want it. He wants to go out and get it himself.
Howard said she told him they were out there shoveling and a woman walked by and asked if they would like some help. She had an ice pick. She used that to help them out but Ben continued to shovel. Ray said she didn't want him out there so she was picking the ice up with her hands. Then a car pulled up and a young man stopped by in his truck and recognized them. He asked how Howard was doing. She said she was annoyed by that. She didn't have time to talk about Howard. Ray told him that the man helped clean up the whole driveway with his special shovel.
Howard said that he did that for his parents so he thanks him very much. Howard said he's glad that someone helped them out. Howard said he can't stop by to help but he offers to get someone to do it for them. Howard said that the gardener should have come back to shovel the ice. Robin said maybe he couldn't come back.
Robin accidentally said ''governor'' instead of gardener at one point so Howard pointed that out. Robin didn't believe she had done that and argued that she didn't. Howard insisted she had. Fred backed him up on that. Robin was willing to bet that she didn't.
Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about this gardener thing. Howard said he was out of sorts today. He let out a fart at one point. Scott came in and told Howard that Robin said ''Garvernor'' earlier. Robin said she won then. Howard told Scott to pull the clip.
Howard took a call form King of All Blacks who said that they can't shovel the snow into the street before the plows come. He said that he has to plow and people hate that. Robin said one plow guy got attacked by a community when he plowed them in. King said that's happened to him too. He said they hate it when they do that but they have no choice. He said he has a 90 hour overtime check coming soon. Howard asked about the plows that heat up the snow and melt it. Robin said they make a river out of the snow. Howard said that's so cool.
Gary told Howard that out at his house he's started to get water in there. Howard told him to back to his office and talk to him. Gary went back there and told Howard that his gutters were frozen and they had to go up on the roof to get the snow off. He said that the water was coming into his mud room. He said that it's going to be a mess this week again. It's supposed to snow and rain so it's going to be a mess.
King said he's going to get like a $4,000 check for this over time. He said that he had a check for $4,500 for just two weeks last time. Howard said he's got a lot of time in doing that job so that's why he gets paid so well. He gets time and a half or double time on Sunday. King said he's going in at 12 tonight and he'll work until noon tomorrow. Then he goes home and gets the rest of the day off. He said that his wife wonders why he doesn't work his regular hours. He said it just doesn't work like that.
King said that's what happens when you don't go to college. He said ''Fuck college.'' King said he'll call his parents and say he doesn't have enough money after that. King said he just got a 55 inch TV this weekend.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that King is the guy plowing people's driveways in and he loves it. He said that he doesn't have to do that. King said that he does hope to himself that the snow ends up in the driveway. He likes when they do that. King said during the day time people will kill you. He said you can only do it at night. King said he can't avoid it most of the time.
The caller thinks that they push it up on the driveway on purpose when they could just push it to the end of the street or something. Robin said it ends up as high as everything else.
Howard asked King to explain it to him. He said that the snow is pushed off to the side. King said you go down the middle and you could lift up the plow by a driveway. He said that when you see someone standing there you want it to go in there. Howard said he doesn't get the whole debate because it all has to be pushed off to the side anyway.
Howard asked King if he's armed when he goes out. King said he carries a bat with him. He said he can't use it because he'll go to jail.
Howard asked King about the TV he was talking about earlier. King said he didn't get the TV, but he thought about it. He said he's not into 3D so he wasn't sure he wanted to get it or not. Robin said she went to see the new Narnia movie and it was in 3D and it made no difference at all. She said she didn't think the 3D was all that good. She said nothing was zooming out at her or anything. She said she gets sentimental at the movie and she was crying under her 3D glasses. Howard said he doesn't want that in his house. He doesn't need a 3D TV. Robin said you'd have to keep the glasses around and it's just another thing to look for.
Various Stuff. 1/31/02. 6:05am
Since Pam Anderson was coming in today Artie was going to dress up for her. He decided to just dress like he doesn't care though. He thinks that's the right move to get her. Howard dressed up for Pam. He was wearing all black. Artie thought that was right for him.
Artie and Howard spent a few minutes talking about picking up chicks. Artie talked about how he got a date with this chick he's asked out a bunch of times. He told Howard he went out to dinner with her and then hung out at a bar for a while. Artie said he was drinking Jack Daniels all night. He said he even ended up singing and playing air guitar while they were at the bar. Artie thinks that she was too hot for him and she's out of his league. He said they did make out a little bit though. She had to drive since he was a little drunk. On the drive home he had her stop at a pizza place so he could get some pizza for himself. Stuttering John and KC came in and told Howard how much they've seen Artie eat when they've gone out with him. According to them he's constantly eating all kinds of junk food. Artie said he burns it off running around playing softball and stuff like that.
In the clip Howard said he had a new Black History Minute to play. It wasn't quite February yet but he wanted to play it for Black History Month. Howard asked Fred to play the bit. He said this is a very touching moment for Black History.
In the bit they had Allison Steele talking about how Larry Fine played a part in the life of Martin Luther King Jr. She said he taught him to wear a condom when he was with white women. Howard played the part of Martin Luther King Jr. and Billy West was Larry Fine in the bit.
After playing the bit Howard said most people didn't know that Larry Fine was part of that. Howard took a call from a guy who said the bit was good. Howard said he liked it. He said it was great.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:40am.