|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
They played the audio from that interview where Howard had George Takei on the show the first time. Howard said that his voice was very deep so he turned on his harmonizer and made his own voice very deep. Then he put George on the harmonizer and made his voice even deeper.
Howard had asked George if he was a homosexual and George denied it during that interview. George was joking around with Howard saying that he was kind of cute and then denied he was gay. George and Howard talked about the Star Trek days and some of the stuff that went on back then. Then Howard asked George if he had a big penis because with a voice like that he must. Howard asked him to pull his pants down for him but George just laughed.
Howard and George also goofed on William Shatner a little bit. They made fun of his toupee and things like that. Howard asked George if he wanted to have kids. George said that he kind of did come to that point. Howard asked him if he likes to just knock off a bunch of chicks. George said that he does have a lot of groupies at the Star Trek conventions. Howard asked if he likes American's or oriental basket trick type of girls. George wasn't saying what he really liked. George was laughing through the interview and seemed to be having a good time. He hinted that he may have been with Nichele Nichols when he worked with her. They spent a bit of time talking about that. George stuck around through the news and commented on a bunch of stories that Robin read.
Howard also played some of William Shatner's music and goofed on that with George. George said that he will never work again after that interview. He said he did have fun doing the interview. Howard had to wrap up a short time later.
We heard a current clip of Dice talking about how great that first visit went. He said that it was great for both of them. Robin said that Dice was asked to come to Howard's birthday show a day later and he killed there too. She said she had a soft spot for him and really was upset when they got into their fight.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard said that Andrew Dice Clay and his buddy Hottub Johnny were getting nervous out there so he told Gary to bring them in. Howard said that Hot Tub had hair like him. Fred was in his Kurt Waldheim Jr. voice and talking to Dice and calling him ''AnJew'' and making fun of him and Johnny.
Howard said that Kurt was against Andrew coming in so he asked him why that was. Kurt said he wanted to see a birth certificate and he wanted to see it at once. Dice said everyone wants. Kurt asked to see his foreskin. Dice said that he's something special. Kurt called him Fonzie so Howard asked him to be nice to his guests.
Howard gave Dice some plugs for his upcoming show at the Beacon Theater. They talked about that a little bit while Kurt was making Jew jokes. Howard said he was kind of scared of this Hottub Johnny guy. Dice told him not to piss him off.
Howard played ''Guess Who's The Jew'' with a caller after that. Dice got in on that goofing around and Kurt said he was kind of liking this guy after some racial comments that Dice had made. Kurt gave the names for the Guess Who's the Jew game and they included Rue Mclanahan, Betty White and Estelle Getty. It turned out to be Estelle Getty and the caller missed out when he guessed wrong. Howard said he was going to give him a second chance but he had to take something from the caller if he got it wrong again. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy when he gave some stupid answers for some questions they were asking him.
Howard got back to Dice and asked him about his first HBO special and what was going on with that. They spent a few minutes on that and then Howard had to end the show. Dice and Johnny weren't sure what they were going to do after that. Dice told Robin that she must know what has to be done. He asked her if she was wearing panties. Robin told him to stop that. Dice told her that he likes those Licorice panties. Howard said they tried them but they tasted like chemicals. Howard said that he's not sure why they had skid marks on them after Gary tried them on. They wrapped up a short time later.
Comedian Russell Brand Visits. 03/10/09. 7:45am
After the break Howard came right back and had the guys bring in Russell Brand. Howard said that he was the host of the VMA Awards and he was also in that movie ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall'' that he had just seen. Howard said he enjoyed him in that movie.
Howard said that Russell is supposed to be hosting the VMA Awards again. Russell said that hasn't been confirmed yet.
Howard said that Russell was molested as a kid so he asked him about that. Russell said that his family was great and it wasn't his family that molested him. Howard asked him what had happened. Russell said that it was a neighbor and he had used it in a way that made it seem like it was some kind of a reward system for doing well in school.
Russell said that it was a terrible reward system and it didn't make him any better at math. Howard said that the guy must have been much older. Russell said that if it was one of his peers it wouldn't have been molestation, it would have been a date.
Russell said that the guy would cup his nuts after sticking his hand down his pants and then sometimes there would be a digit that went up his ass.
Howard read that Russell had been with ''thousands'' of women. Howard asked him if that's because of the molestation. Russell said that he didn't think that's what it was. He said that the women thing is an affirmation of his masculinity and it wasn't because of the molestation.
Howard asked Russell about this woman that he claims that he lost his virginity to. Russell said that the woman was probably in her late 50s and not 60s like Howard had said. Russell said that he actually didn't lose his virginity to her, he lost it to a prostitute at 16. Russell said that his father actually brought him to the hooker. He said that his parents had broken up when he was born so he didn't spend a lot of time with his father.
Howard read that Russell and his dad were fucking hookers in the same room. Russell said that was an accurate portrayal. He said that it was kind of off putting to have that going on. He said that they went to a bar and there were women dancing in swimsuits in this bar. Then the women come over and start talking to you and then they come back to the hotel with you.
Russell said that he fell in love with this woman and he did have some trouble getting an erection because he was in the room with his dad. His dad had two women at the same time and he was right next to him.
Howard asked Russell about the sex thing and said that it had to be tough for him. He said that later in his life he got addicted to heroin for 4 years. Russell was addicted to some other stuff for a total of about 11 years. Howard asked him if he thinks that it's a reaction to his bizarre childhood. Russell said that he's gone through a lot and things have turned out alright for him.
Robin told Russell to tell Artie that he needs to go away and get clean like he did. Russell said he had to go away for 3 months.
Russell said that heroin is a great drug when you want to have a blanket of nothingness around you. He said that he was smoking it with crack off some foil. Russell said that he was working at MTV at the time and he had the money to afford the habit.
Howard asked Russell if he was getting paid a lot at MTV. He said it was a lot at the time because he was living on welfare before that.
Howard gave Russell a plug for his book ''My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up'' and talked about that a little bit.
Howard asked Russell if he fucked any of the chicks in ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'' Russell said that he didn't and it was very tough not to while he was out on that island for 3 months.
Howard asked Russell about something that he had written about trying to prove that he wasn't gay by jerking off a man. Russell said that he did it on TV and he didn't like doing it. He said that he went out to a gay bar and found this guy and asked him if he could jerk him off in the bathroom. The guy agreed to it and they went into the bathroom and tried it. He said that the other guy wanted to jerk him off too but he didn't want to do it but the producer told him to do it. Russell said that was the only gay experience he ever had and he never even got excited over it or anything like that. He said that his penis looked like play-doh and chicken skin after that.
Howard read that Russell had Kate Moss. Russell said that she's like a magical fairy person. Howard said that he thinks that she's had drug problems too. Russell said he didn't know anything about that. Howard read that he had been with Amy Winehouse but Russell said that she's just a friend of his. He said that he didn't do anything with her. He hopes that she's going to be alright.
Howard read that he had been with Courtney Love too. Russell said that she's another friend. Howard asked if he had any other famous women. Russell didn't have any to add to the list.
Howard read that Russell likes hookers. Russell said that he did like to get them when he was younger. He said that he didn't want the whole heart break thing of getting a woman other than a hooker.
Howard told Russell about Artie falling for one of his hookers who stopped making him pay. Russell said that's a big deal when they stop making you pay. He said that it's almost like you're Christopher Columbus discovering America.
Howard asked Russell about the movies he has coming up. Russell said that he's going to be remaking ''Arthur'' and Howard said that seems like something that's going to be hard to remake. Artie was oddly silent during that discussion.
Howard gave Russell some plugs for the book and a book signing he's going to be doing. Howard asked him why Bob Geldoff called him a cunt. Russell said he figured that Bob thought he was one.
Gary asked if it was true that he came in to work at MTV dressed up as Osama bin Laden after 9/11. Russell said that he was on crack at the time and he even brought his drug dealer with him to work that day. He ended up getting fired that day for dressing up like that. Howard said that they paid him to be wild and then when he got a little too wild they fired him.
Howard asked Russell about his ''Booky Wook'' and where that came from. He said that it's just a funny book and he wanted it to be a funny title. Howard asked Russell about what it's like coming to this country when he's not that well known. He said that it's pretty tough to come here after being so famous over there. Howard said he can relate to that because he had that early in his career.
Howard gave Russell some more plugs for his book and upcoming comedy gig. He's doing some stand-up this Thursday night. Howard asked him if it's tough to come to this country and do his act. He said that it's not that bad because things that are funny are funny no matter where you go.
Russell said that he loves doing comedy and being out on the road. Howard asked when he got on stage the first time. He said he did that at 15. He got into comedy after he got kicked out of a drama class.
Howard asked Russell if he's banging anyone here in America. He said that he actually is. Howard asked him about going to a sex addiction rehab. Robin asked what it was that was so out of control. He said that it was his management that saw he was having sex so much after he was off the drugs. they sent him off for a month to that rehab thing.
Howard said that he thinks that the women might validate him and it's not even sex that was the problem. Howard was going to end it after that but Russell said he'd rather end it on a high note.
Russell said that he met some nice people in rehab and some of them were even pedophiles. He said that they're very nice when you get to know them and they weren't even trying anything with him.
Howard gave Russell a plug for his Comedy Central special that's on this Friday night. He took a call from a guy who said he had never heard of this guy but this was a very interesting interview. Howard said that this might be the boost that he needs and maybe he'll be well on his way now.
Robin asked Russell if he had ever heard of Howard over in England. He said that they all know about him over there. He said that he had heard of his radio show and had seen his movie there. Howard tried to hook Robin and Russell up but that wasn't happening. Russell asked Robin to put her boobs up to the glass like the woman did in ''Midnight Express.'' Robin just laughed that off. Howard had to wrap up with him a short time later.
We heard from Angie who was talking about how she never really listened to the show. She said that she gave Howard a picture of Johnny Cash giving the finger. She said she thought it was the right thing for Howard at the time. She said she laster asked him if he still had it and he had gotten rid of it.
They played the show clip where Angie appeared on the show for the first time. Howard talked to her about the Jay Leno appearance. Angie said she heard from her brother about the lesbian kiss thing. Howard said he got a standing ovation when he went out and Jay doesn't get that without prompting from the director. Howard said that must piss Jay off. Angie said she did the show a couple of weeks before and she gave Jay a prosthetic tongue that they both put in their mouth at the same time. She said Jay didn't have a problem doing that.
Angie said she had a picture she had to give him. She gave him the Johnny Cash giving the finger picture. Howard asked Angie if she would date him if he was single. She seemed interested and said she probably would. Howard said she needs someone who would worship her and he's that guy. He said he'd do all kinds of stuff to satisfy her. He said his tongue would be her panty liner.
Howard talked to Angie about going out with Sylvester Stallone. She said that he saw her on a magazine cover and found out a way to contact her. They talked about how they only dated about a month before anyone even knew about it. Howard asked if he was good in the sack. Angie didn't answer so Howard figured he wasn't. Howard talked to her about what went wrong in the relationship. Angie said she wasn't sure. She just didn't want to talk about it. She said that things just didn't work. She said she ran away from the press after that because they kept hounding her.
Howard and Angie spent a few minutes talking about her dating Stallone. Howard tried to find out about the sex and how that was. She said it was good. Howard told Angie what he'd like to do to her too. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later. They went to break after that.
Ben Stiller Comes In. 4/13/00. 7:20am
Actor/Director Ben Stiller came in this morning to promote his new movie ''Keeping The Faith'' which opens soon. Howard has goofed on Ben for years now so it was a surprise to hear him come on the show. Howard didn't waste any time before asking Ben about his relationships. He spent most of the interview trying to find out about everyone he's dated. He brought up Janeane Garofalo first. Ben said he dated her and fooled around with her but never went all the way. The rumors that Janeane gained 70 pounds during their relationship weren't true. Ben is now engaged to actress Christine Taylor who played Marcia Brady in the Brady Bunch movies that came out a few years ago. Ben said he was engaged to another woman for 5 years at one point in his life but that didn't work out. Howard told him that this relationship probably won't work out either. He gives Ben 3 years in this relationship. Ben said that he thinks he's ready to settle down now that he's 34 years old.
Ben also spoke about some of his other relationships. He went out with Calista Flockhart for a while. He said that was a weird relationship that didn't go anywhere. Howard brought up Janeane again and asked why Ben didn't go all the way. He admitted to getting to third base so Howard theorized that he must have been turned off by something.. like a bad smell or something. Ben said that wasn't the reason at all. He never really had a reason other than the fact that they thought they should just be friends.
Howard also heard that Ben proposed to his fiance in a strange way. Ben explained how he secretly flew from New York to Los Angeles and set up candles and rose petals in his girlfriends home. She came home and he got down on one knee and proposed to her. That's when Howard told Ben that he gives the relationship 3 years.
Before Ben left Howard spoke to him about the recent story about this financial advisor guy who was using celebrity money in illegal ways. Ben's name was brought up in the article but Ben said that he didn't actually lose any money in the deal. He said he actually came out a little bit ahead. He said it was a horrible feeling to know that someone was using his money illegally though. Leonardo DeCaprio actually lost quite a bit of money with this guy.
Finally Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this new movie that Ben is in. He plays a Rabbi in the film. Howard tried to find out how much money he makes doing movies now but he wasn't talking. Gary said he guesses that he makes between $4 million and $10 million a film. All Ben would admit to was making over a million.
In the clip from 1987 we heard Howard talking to Robin about calling Leonard and how he didn't know much about the guy. Howard said he feels like a turd not knowing much about him. Howard said they'll ask him about the strike.
Howard made the call and got Leonard's wife on the line. Howard spoke to her for a short time. She put Leonard on the phone a short time later. Howard apologized for waking him up. Leonard said he's been up. He said he's a big fan of his show. Leonard said he has been asking friends about Robin and wondering what she looks like.
Howard asked Leonard about why he crossed the picket line and then changed his mind. Leonard said he was confused. He said a team mate talked him into it. Howard said he thinks the union screwed up there. He said that you have to think about whether or not to go back or not. Leonard said for some of the guys it's all economics.
Howard and Leonard talked about his new book. Leonard said he wrote the book himself. Howard said he's going to read this. He said he sounds like a good guy. Leonard said the book is good and he talks about a few of his teammates. Howard said he wants to see a picture of his wife. Leonard said there is one in there. Howard found her and said that she's white. Howard said Leonard is a real man too. He asked how long he's been married. Leonard said it's been about 6 months. Howard asked if she's really in love with him. Leonard said he thinks so.
Howard asked Leonard how the wife's family handled the relationship. Leonard said it was a bit of a culture shock at first. He said things are good now though.
Howard said they have to get together and party sometime. Leonard said he's not aware of any clubs they can go to in the city. Howard said they can do a family kind of thing at home or something. Howard told Leonard that white communities like it when a black football player moves in. Leonard said he doesn't have a Mercedes like his neighbors do. Howard said he shouldn't worry about that.
Leonard's wife got on the line again and talked to Howard about how she met Leonard and what it was like when he met her family. She told Howard that they met at a Christmas party. She said she told Howard she kept it a secret from her parents for a while. She said that she had to leave home for a while after her parents found out though. She said she didn't know who Leonard was when she met him. Howard spent a few more minutes with her and let her go.
Howard said that is an attractive woman. Howard said Leonard is a very large man too. He said she has a huge smile on her face in the pictures. He said she must be very happy. They went to break a short time later.
After that they played the interview with Howard and Janis. In the clip Howard had Janis come in and said that she's pretty short. She said she's 4'10'' tall.
Janis said Howard looks like a rock and rock guy. Howard said he looks like one but he can't play any instruments. Howard said he went on stage with Sam Kinison and some other guys once and they let him pretend to play. He said they turned his amp down to nothing so no one could hear him play. Howard said Joe heard that and had him come up on stage and turned up the amp really loud and it turned out to be really bad.
Howard said Janis got into the music business at a young age but her money got taken by a business manager. Janis said that the guy is dead now and he's lucky he is. Howard asked how she lost the money. Janis said she was watching the money but she travels a lot. Janis said this guy was supposed to take care of the money but she was only 14 and she wasn't around. She said her parents were splitting up at the time too. Janis said that a lot of kids have their parents take their money. She said at least it was a stranger who did it to her.
Howard said Janis's song ''At Seventeen'' will never be heard on a TV commercial. She said she actually had an offer for it to be used in a tampon commercial. Howard said she should have done it. Janis said she thinks they should have used it at the end of the movie ''Carrie.'' Howard said that would have worked too.
Howard asked Janis if her new album is selling. She said it actually is. Howard said he's surprised by that. Howard said she disappeared for a long time. Howard said he saw she went lesbian too. Howard said she had a guy for a while. Janis said she felt gay when she was 14. She said that she leaned one way more than the other but she did experience men too. Howard said he thinks that there is proof that it's not genetic. Howard said he thinks it's psychological. Howard said he's not coming down on anyone either way. Howard said he would love to watch either way. He said he just wants to watch.
Howard said Janis is going to get upset by this. He said she won't understand. Howard said it's just a very heavy thing. Howard said that Janis and Robin are too stupid to understand this. Howard said he came to this conclusion in the past year. Howard said back pain, eye pain, pains of the knee, obsessive compulsive behavior, homosexuality and migraine headaches are all distractions. He said that they're in the mind. He said he thinks that homosexuality is in the head.
Janis asked Howard if he's ever gone with guys. Howard said he has never gone with guys. He said he's never even had gay guys come on to him. Howard said he thinks that all of those things he just mentioned are elaborate distractions from the pain of life. Howard said there is a need for sex. Janis asked if excessive masturbation is a distraction too. Howard said it is. Howard said homosexuality is fixable and the guy he knows who can fix it doesn't even know that he could fix it. Howard said if you wanted to fix it then it can be fixed.
Howard said he's not putting down homosexuals. He said that every gay person could be cured though. Robin said that he's saying that there is no assignment of sex then. Howard said homosexuality is just not the norm. Howard said that for Janis it's fine if she wants to be gay.
Howard asked Janis to tell him about her first gay experience. She said that she was 15 at the time. Howard asked if she had a tight body back then. She said she has a better body now than she did back then. Howard asked if she was burning for a woman. Janis said she was. She said the girl was very cute and very straight. She said she still knows her to this day.
Howard said that Janis' new album is called ''Breaking Silence.'' Janis told Howard that there are a lot of people who are happy that she's doing the show. Howard said they were shocked she was doing it. Howard said they thought she was an angry woman. Howard spent a little more time talking to Janis and then went to break.
After the edited out break Howard got back to Janis and talked to her about the money she had stolen from her. Howard said that she was only 14 at the time. Howard said it's no wonder she's depressed. Janis said she's not really. Robin said she must not have a lot of trust in people. She said she's actually okay.
Howard said he can't believe Janis had her first affair at 15. Howard asked her more about that. Janis said she was at her own house when it happened. Howard asked if they had a sleep over. Janis said they got drunk actually. Howard asked if she had her sleeping over. Janis said she was just over at the house. It wasn't a sleep over. Janis said they just drank a lot and got drunk. She said she was very confused at the time. She said she was living alone at that time too. Howard said she has great parents. She said she was working a lot at the time.
Howard asked Janis more about this other woman. Janis liked that Howard was making the story up as he went along. She told him to keep telling it. Howard went through more of the story and asked if she had a house or an apartment. Janis said it was an apartment. Howard asked what she said to the other girl. Janis said she told her that she thought she was in love with her. Howard said he never said that to anyone. Howard said she was ripe for the kill. Howard asked what the girl said to her. Janis said she just asked what she's talking about. Howard asked if she called the police on her. Janis said she just said ''well what do we do now?'' Janis said they spent two days in bed together after that. Howard said it must have been really confusing for her. He thought her song ''At Seventeen'' was about finding guys. Janis said she never said it was. It could be about girls too.
Howard told Janis they wrote a song parody for ''At Seventeen.'' He said it's about Jerry Seinfeld. Howard asked if she waned to sing it herself. Janis said that she would but she doesn't know the lyrics. Howard said that it's always better when the artist sings it.
Howard asked Janis to look at the lyrics and get into it if she wants. Howard said they made a copy for her to look at. Janis looked at the lyrics and didn't seem to have a problem with them. Howard said he'd sing the first verse. Janis said that's good. Janis started the song and said she would play the whole intro and all of that. She started playing and Howard started singing ''Seinfeld's Girl is Seventeen.'' Howard sang a verse and then had Janis sing one. She did it and laughed a bit as she was singing. Howard sang the next verse. He and Janis went back and forth singing the song together.
Howard and Janis spent a few more minutes talking after the song. Janis told Howard that her girlfriend is a big fan of Howard's and she told her to let him know that if she ever met him she'd want to shake his wang. Howard asked her to send a picture of them in bra and panties. They had to take another break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked about the song they just did. Howard said that he may have to call Jerry and leave that song on his answering machine.
Howard asked Janis to perform a song for them. He asked her to do ''At Seventeen'' but without the jokey lyrics. Janis said she's not sure she wants to do that one. She said she didn't want to compete with the song but she did it anyway. Howard asked Fred to play the guitar solo during the song. Fred said he has no idea what they're doing. Janis told him to just vamp. Howard said on Mars all keys are the same. Fred's guitar was out of tune so he had to tune it while Janis was playing. Janis eventually got to the song and went through the whole thing. Fred played a solo too. Howard said Janis was falling in love with him while he was playing.
After the song Janis thanked Fred. Howard asked if there was a window he could jump out. Howard said every woman who wouldn't talk to him or sleep with him... bastards. Howard said ugly ducklings must unite behind him. Howard said he's all fired up.
Howard asked if Fred has talent. Janis said anyone who steps into that song is very brave. Howard said Fred never plays for anyone there. Howard said he can't believe she wrote that song when she was a kid. Janis said she was actually 22 when she wrote that one. Howard went to another break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said that Janis partied with Janice Joplin. He said she should have gotten it on with her. Janis said she didn't know at the time that she could have. Howard asked if she was always high. Janis said she wasn't when she was around her. Howard said she was with Jimi Hendrix the night Martin Luther King died. Janis said Jimi was amazing. She said that she was like a mascot for him. She said that he would have her play with him and they did blues songs together. She said she used to get to watch him doing his thing in the studio.
Howard played some of Janis' new album and went through the lyrics of one song and picked them apart. Howard was analyzing the lyrics and had some fun with that. Howard said it was about love juices and women's thighs. Howard said that might surpass any work she's ever done.
Howard went through a couple more songs on the album. Howard wrapped up and gave her some more plugs before ending the interview.
Today's I Was a Howard Stern Virgin was over around 11:10am.
Hell Freezes Over, Rosie O'Donnell Calls In. 06/03/08. 8:05am
After the break we heard a prank call that Richard made to a woman where he sped up his voice so it was barely understandable. Howard came back after that with Fred playing some Tom Petty. Howard said he likes that song but he had Rosie O'Donnell on the phone. He said that he and Rosie haven't always seen eye to eye but they do seem to now.
Rosie said that they had a bonding experience at a restaurant they were at one night. Rosie said that guys like Howard used to scare the hell out of her but now she's grown to understand that there's a place for everyone. Howard said that he was never the cool guy who hung out and smoked cigarettes. He said he was the uncool kid who smoked. Rosie said that years ago Fran Drescher told her that she was stupid and she should just go on the show.
Howard told Rosie that he ran into Joy Behar last night and talked to her and they still seem Rosie obsessed over there. Rosie told Howard that she used to work with Joy and she looked up to her for a long time. She didn't think that Joy remembered that though.
Rosie said that Joy didn't get treated all that well over there and she thinks that maybe she got upset when she came in and demanded to be treated differently.
Howard asked Rosie about her time on The View and how hard it is to get a word in on that show. Rosie said that's true. Rosie said that she had left her show and she wanted to do that because she couldn't enjoy doing the work anymore. She was paying someone to raise her kids and the joy she had in the beginning was gone. She said that it was just time for her to go at that point. She said that she told everyone what she was going to do and the producers of the show threatened to sue her. That's exactly what happened.
Howard said that he heard that Rosie had the best personal life out of anyone. Rosie said that's funny because she can count on two hands how many people she's been with. Howard said he's heard stories about her having like 50 women in her room at the same time and each one was hotter than the next. Rosie said that she's never even naked in her own shower so she wouldn't have been naked in that room.
Rosie said that she lived with a guy when she was 28-30 and she has had sex with a man. She said that you can have great sex with either sex and it's not all about that. She told Howard that she could set him up with a blow job and he wouldn't know if it was a man or a woman if he was blind folded.
Howard asked Rosie about being molested as a child and if that swayed her to become a lesbian. Rosie said that it may play a part but she knows other people who have had the same type of thing happen and they didn't turn gay. She said that she has been with both men and women herself.
Rosie said that when she was coming out no one else had come out yet. Howard asked Rosie if she was really into Tom Cruise back when she used to talk about how hot he was. She said that she was really into him but she wouldn't want him sexually, she said that she'd rather have him cut her lawn or something. Rosie said that she met Tom one time before she had her show and he treated her very nicely.
Howard asked Rosie if she was attracted to Beth when she was on The View. Beth said that she's too perfect for her. She said that she'd be like that perfect cheerleader type that she's scared of. She said that someone like Angelina Jolie is more her type. She said that she does like Beth as a person though and she was very nice.
Howard said that Beth is going to be crushed when she hears this. He said that she asked him to ask Rosie about that but didn't want him to mention that on the air. Howard said that Beth is a huge Rosie fan and reads her blog all the time.
Howard said that he thinks that Rosie should be doing a radio show there at SIRIUS. Rosie said that she's started to listen to radio and is thinking that it might be a great job. She said that she'd take the hour after his show. Howard said he'd give her an audition if she wanted.
Howard asked Rosie if she ever confronted her molester. She said that she did and they settled things. She said that she forgave the guy and he apologized for what he did.
Howard asked Rosie about therapy and found out that she's been going to therapy since she was 16 years old. She said the worst times were during the Columbine times. She said that's when she went on some meds.
Howard told Rosie that he's not the total asshole he used to be and now he's only half an asshole. He said that he values his friendships now more than he did in the past. He said that he realized that he could benefit from good friendships.
Rosie talked about her sexual molestation and how she didn't really think about sex that much as a kid but she may have masturbated not thinking about guys doing things to her. She said that she wasn't sexually active in school and that might be because of the molestation.
Howard asked Rosie if it's true that she won't let her workers look her in the eye on her show and stuff like that. She said that's not true and no one was ever fired from her show the whole time it ran. Howard asked her about Jay Leno getting upset with her about stealing one of his staff members. Rosie claims he didn't yell at her like Howard had heard he did. She said that there was one thing that he put a stop to one time.
Howard asked Rosie where she was at. She said that she was looking at her 5 year old daughter who was upset that she wasn't playing with her. Howard asked her how the marriage is going. Rosie said that they're doing well and they've been together for 11 years now.
Howard asked Rosie if she would ever bring another woman into the bedroom. Rosie said she wouldn't and she's never done that before. Howard asked Rosie some questions about her friend Madonna and Rosie told him a story about her being topless at a party one time. Rosie said that she hugged her that night and told her that she should really put a t-shirt on.
Howard asked Rosie if she was worth the $100 million that they claim she is. Rosie said that she has more money than she ever needed and she never has to work again. Howard asked if she's friendly with Barbara Walters. She said that they still talk and she read Barbara's book and wrote her a note about that. She said that Barbara paved the way for other women to do things in TV and she admires that.
Rosie told Howard that she had originally agreed to do The View for just one year when Barbara asked her to do it. She said she recently turned the show on and saw that they changed their nice blue set back to beige and had to turn it off. She thinks that Whoopi is a great replacement for her because she won't take any crap from anyone there.
Rosie said that she and Elisabeth haven't spoken since she left but they do e-mail and send messages to each other. Rosie said that she is probably too emotional for Elisabeth. Howard asked Rosie if she finds her attractive. Rosie said that she does find her very attractive. She said that she's got great biceps too. Howard asked her if she ever wanted to try and convert her to homosexuality. Rosie said that she almost did convert her to ''homosexuality acceptance.'' She said that she had her over to her house and she showed her how great a parent she was.
Howard told Rosie that comedian Ant actually banged some old dude on one of her gay cruises. She said that wasn't going to sell any tickets. Rosie said that Ant was on the cruise and she also had this Daniel Noriega from American Idol on the cruise and Ant said that he wanted to get Daniel. Daniel was only 17 at the time. She seemed to be kind of creeped out by that.
Howard told Rosie about the Ant story and how he ended up in a room with a 70-something year old couple. Ant got a blow job from one of the guys who removed his teeth before doing his thing.
Howard talked about his radio carer and how he hopes that he knows when he should get the hell out of there. He said that he doesn't want to be like Imus at 70 and doing radio.
Howard asked Rosie about her thoughts on 9/11 because she thinks that there is some kind of conspiracy going on there. She told Howard that she doesn't believe that the buildings fell without help from explosives. Fred and Howard talked about the conspiracy thing and how that seems to help people sleep at night when they think that something other than what actually happened, happened. Rosie told Howard that there is a guy by the name of Willie Rodriguez who worked in Building 2 and saw a lot of odd things there that day. Howard said he might have to get him on the show then.
Howard asked Rosie about the women on The View and which ones she could do it with. Rosie said that Elisabeth would be right up at the top. Howard gave Rosie an F, Marry Kill of Joy Behar, Barbara Walters. Rosie said that she couldn't do that with the women they gave her. Rosie went on to say that she would like to be with someone like Angela Basset. Howard asked her what was up with that and found out that Rosie had made out with a black woman one time. Rosie said that she doesn't have any moves of her own and the other woman has to be the one to do that.
Howard asked Rosie if she would want Lindsay Lohan. Rosie said no to that and said that she feels like she's a neighbor's kid or something. She said the same thing about the Olsen Twins. Howard asked her some other names and if she would like to be with Robin Quivers. Rosie said that she is lovely. Elle McPherson is too perfect for her. Howard said he gets the Angelina Jolie thing. He asked her about Elizabeth Hurley and Jodie Foster. Rosie said no to them but yes to Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. She also said yes to Diane Lane.
Howard asked Rosie if she watches porn. She said that she does but she thinks that she feels the same way about them as people like Lindsay Lohan.
Howard mentioned some more celebrity names like Sarah Jessica Parker and Rosie seemed to like that one. Rosie also said that she likes Barbra Streissand. She said that she could ask her for anything in the world and she'd give it to her. She said that they have spoken on the phone and she matches up to the dreams she had about her as a kid. She said that she likes her as a mother-like person at this point but she was attracted to her when she was younger.
Howard asked Rosie if she's ever pleasured herself while thinking of a celebrity. She said that she has and it was Matthew McConaughey. Howard told her that she might not be gay after hearing that. He asked her if she would shave herself completely if she was asked to do that. She said she would never do that. She said that she will trim down there but not shave it all down.
Howard gave Rosie a plug for this True Colors tour that she's going on with Cyndi Lauper and the B52s. Howard asked her how it is opening up for a musical act. She said it's not that bad and she does fine when she does those shows.
Howard asked Rosie if she thinks that she became a better performer when she came out. She said that she does believe that she did.
Howard said that he loved when Rosie got married and the way she did it. Rosie said that she remembers why she did it and explained how it was in the middle of this war in Iraq when Bush called a press conference to talk about how what was going on in San Francisco was ruining the country. That's when Rosie told Kelly that they had to go and get married.
Rosie told Howard that she's going to be on the Radio City show tonight. She said that she sat down and wrote a bunch of new material for the show and it's all new stuff. She said it's all real stuff. Rosie said that the show lasts about 5 hours so Howard and Robin said that's quite a commitment to make for one show.
Howard asked Rosie about her kids and why she didn't pick a black baby. She said that you don't always have a choice in that.
Howard told Rosie that he wants to give her an hour long show on Howard 101 and see how it goes. She said that she's in and told him to let her know when he wants her. Howard told her that they'd even set her up with an ISDN line so she doesn't have to come in.
Howard read a few e-mails from some fans who thought she was a great guest. Rosie quickly mentioned that everyone should go see this play that she saw recently. She offered to take Howard's kids herself. Howard asked her if she could lie to Beth about what she said about being attracted to her. Rosie said that he could and he should tell her that she was going to think about her and do herself right now. Howard let her go a short time later.
THoHS:A2 - Gilbert Gottfried's Early Visits. 12/25/08. 7:30am
Gilbert said that he has lost a lot of jobs because of the Stern Show. He said that a lot of people get work because of the show but he loses work. Gilbert said that his agent will call him and say that someone heard him on Howard and they will cancel the work they had offered him.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard had Gilbert come in for the first time. Gilbert came in and talked about some stuff he was involved with. He also pointed out that Robin was almost in another building and not in the same studio with Howard. Howard said that's because he passes wind and doesn't want Robin smelling that.
Howard was talking cars with Gilbert when they ended up on the Munster's car. Fred knew that it was a custom car made by George Barris so Gilbert started goofing on him saying that they'd like to know everything he knows about the Addams Family as well. Howard warned him not to goof on Fred because Fred would rip his head off.
Howard said that they got Gilbert breakfast and he had demanded it before he came in. Gilbert said that he eats early in the morning so he asked for something to eat. Gilbert said it looked really good to him. Howard said he could feel his arteries hardening as they spoke.
Howard asked Gilbert if he listens to them. Gilbert said he does, constantly. He was probably joking about that.
Howard told Gilbert about how he has to watch stuff with his kids and how he had to watch the Pee Wee Herman movie the night before. Howard said he doesn't want to watch it 900 times though. He said he'd rather watch the news so he can get ideas for the show. Howard said they claim they have the best night life there in New York City but he's not sure what he would do. Howard said that Gilbert spends a lot of time in his bedroom at his mother's house. Howard said he gets that and understands it. He said that you can get some great ideas from watching TV.
Robin told Gilbert he should go out sometimes. Gilbert wasn't sure what he would do if he went out. Robin said he could drink. Gilbert said he can drink at home. Robin said he could go to an amusement park, street fairs and stuff like that too. Howard asked Gilbert when he's going to have kids and a wife. Gilbert said he would do that as soon as the guy got away from behind his chair.
Howard talked to Gilbert about working with Jackie. Gilbert claims he hardly knows Jackie even though Jackie says he's good friends with him. Howard took some phone calls and Gilbert ended up goofing on the first caller who didn't seem to know quite what was going on. Howard took some more calls and put people on hold too goof on them. Howard got back to one caller who asked Howard if he preferred Howard or ''Mr. Stern.'' Howard said he'll take anything other than ''Howchie'' which is what his family calls him.
The caller said that Howard seemed intimidated with Gilbert there. Howard told the guy to eat him. He said he might be intimidated but he doesn't have to point it out. Howard said he was trying to interview the guy and wasn't trying to one up the guy. Howard said this caller was a dick. He said this is the same guy who saw him out on the street and called him a schmuck. He went off on the guy about that. The caller was upset that they weren't letting him talk. Howard said that's because he's a jerk.
Howard said he wanted to let his guest talk but this guy won't let him do that. The caller wouldn't stop talking so Howard had to yell at him to stop. Howard said that guys like this caller make it hard for him to do the show and interview guests. The guy kept talking over Howard so he was going to put him on hold. Gilbert kept goofing on the guy talking over him as he was trying to say what he wanted to say. Gilbert had Howard laughing during that stuff. Howard put the guy on hold so he could get back to him later.
After an edited out segment we heard Howard talking to the same caller and asking him why he was talking over them. The caller said that Howard does the same thing and doesn't let anyone talk. Howard said he must not hear him when he speaks. The guy said he forgot what he was going to talk about. Gilbert ended up talking over the guy again when he was trying to get his comments out. Howard asked Gilbert to let the guy speak but then Howard started talking over the guy himself. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy when he was about to say what he wanted to say.
Later on in that show Howard was saying goodbye to Gilbert. Gilbert was telling Howard he had to get out of there so he could go rest his voice. Howard goofed on Gilbert about that for a short time. Howard thanked Gilbert for dropping by and had Gary come in and take him out to cut some IDs. Howard said it would have been fun to do news with Gilbert but he was in a rush to get out of there so he could rest his voice. Howard said he's never heard that excuse from anyone before. Howard thought Gilbert was great on the show.
Flavor Flav, Scott Ian And Charlie From Anthrax Visit. 06/28/1991. 5:40pm
After the news Howard said that they were going to meet Flavor Flav and some guys from the band Anthrax. Gary brought the guys in. Flavor came in wearing his trademark clock around his neck. Howard said it seemed like the guys from Anthrax weren't able to get a word in since Flavor was talking to much.
Howard said that last year he picked ''911 is a Joke'' as the best song of the year. He wondered why he never heard from Flavor after he did that. Flavor said that he was busy. Howard jokingly said that he just found out that Flavor was named Chief Justice.
Howard saw Flavor's gold teeth and asked him about that. He also talked to him about his kids and when that happened. Flavor said that he won't get married, he's going to wait until he's about 80 years old. Howard and Flavor shared some stories about living in Roosevelt since they both grew up there.
Howard asked the guys how Public Enemy and Anthrax got teamed up. Scott Ian from Anthrax told Howard that they figured it would be the best of both worlds, rap and rock, and put it together.
Howard said that Charlie from Anthrax was also there. Howard asked Flavor what his real name is. Flavor told him that his real name is Flavor Flav. Howard asked him if his real name was Walter. Flavor said that's not his name, it's Flavor.
Howard said that Flavor is so angry. He said that his songs seem pretty angry. Flavor asked Howard to stop hitting the buttons on him. He saw him doing something on the board and thought that he was screwing with him.
Howard asked Flavor about his kids and found out that he had pretty normal names for them. Flavor was also wearing white sunglasses so Howard asked him what was up with that since he hates the white man. Flavor said that he doesn't dislike anyone and he doesn't hate the white man. They had to take a break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and gave the guys some plugs for some upcoming appearances. Gary told Howard that Tyrone Frazier was on the phone but Howard had no interest in talking to him. He told Gary to tell Tyrone to go out and win a fight and then call back.
Howard talked to Flavor about doing the TV show ''In Living Color'' and how they had to kick him off the set. Flavor said that Spike Lee is a friend of his and he thinks that Howard should stop bad mouthing them. Howard said that the Spike Lee movies are boring. He said that black people don't like that kind of stuff. They like action movies. Flavor told him he's wrong and Spike makes movies that they like.
Howard said that he got mad at Flavor one time when he interrupted Young MC. Flavor said that he can't help that. Howard said that it was a pretty funny moment even though he got upset with him. That led to Howard and Flavor doing some ''Yo mama'' jokes. They went back and forth with those for a short time.
Howard talked to Flavor about the trouble he's had with women. Howard said he knows that Flavor loves women but he's gotten into some trouble. Flavor said that he's not a woman beater and they're very precious to him. Howard asked him what it was that got him so upset. Flavor said that she burnt his bacon, that's what he was so upset about. Flavor said that she actually hit him first. He ended up going to jail over that.
Flavor said that they treated him real good in jail. He said that he got to touch hands and spread some knowledge in there. He said he was like the Don in there. He had plenty of protection while he was there too.
Howard asked the guys in Anthrax if they've been in jail. Before they could answer Howard said that they were being kind of boring. They couldn't get a word in with Flavor Flav talking so much.
Howard asked the guys in the band if they were millionaires. They said they're really not. Howard said that Flavor's teeth might be worth more than Anthrax is. Howard asked Flavor how much his teeth are worth. Flavor said that they were only $1,000. Howard said that he must be investing in gold instead of putting that money away. Flavor said that he handles all of his money himself and gives it all to his mom. Howard figures that Flavor has some kind of investment firm handling his money, he's just not talking about it.
Howard asked Flavor what kind of car he's driving. Flavor said that he has a 90 Vette in green... the color of money. He said he's got a Subaru too.
Howard asked the guys in Anthrax if they make a lot of money out on tour. They said that they lose money but they make a little on t-shirts. Howard said that he thought they made money going out on tour.
Howard went over the stuff that they had learned in there today. It wasn't all that much actually. Howard spent a few more minutes. Robin read some news about OutWeek magazine going out of business. The guys spent a short time talking about that. Flavor said that he doesn't think that what gay people do is right. He said that their equipment doesn't fit.
Robin had a few more news stories she read through. The guys all stuck around to comment on the stories she read. Robin read a story about Cher so Howard asked Flavor if he would bang her. Flavor wouldn't answer. The guys in Anthrax said ''no way.''
Gary told Howard that the guys were there to show Robin there penises. Howard told Gary to just give them their tickets. Flavor wanted to see them so he told Howard to have them come in. Three guys came in a few seconds later. Howard said that they were there to take their penises out to win tickets. Robin said she didn't want to see that and told them all to chicken out. They all did their thing as Fred played some rattlesnake sound effects. Flavor said that the guys had their meat out. Flavor told Howard to give them each 24 tickets for doing that. Howard asked the guys if it was worth it to win those tickets. They all seemed happy that they won. Howard let them go a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and read through a few more stories. She was having trouble getting through them with the guys constantly interrupting her. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later.
Howard thanked the guys from Anthrax for coming in. Howard also said he was going to play Flavor Flav's new song but he ended up playing Joe Piscopo's ''Kimberly'' song instead. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later.
David talked about the first time he went to the studio and how that went for him. He said he went along with Howard calling Courteney ''Courteney Cock'' and called Howard ''Howard Sperm'' to get back at him. Here's my rundown of David's appearance from 1998:
The Gossip Game With Guest David Arquette. 10/16/98. 7:45am
Actor David Arquette came in to promote his new movie ''The Alarmist.'' Howard got to the Mike Walker gossip game pretty quick before getting into interviewing David. Mike Walker calls in each week with gossip stories from his National Enquirer column. Three of the stories are true, one is false. Try to pick the false story.
After the game Howard spent just about the whole interview talking to David about dating Courtney Cox. The two of them just got engaged so Howard had to find out all of the details. Howard usually calls Courtney ''Courtney Cock'' but when he was talking to David he was using her real last name. David is a fan of the show so he asked Howard why he wasn't calling her ''Courtney Cock'' while he was there. That was great. Howard could then feel comfortable calling her cock. Howard and David went over all of the details of how David met Courtney. The two of them met on the set of the ''Scream'' movie. At the time David was going through his drug experimenting period. It took him a while but he was able to charm her into his life. Eventually he got her in bed and proposed to her on a beach somewhere. David was a pretty cool guest since he knows what the show is all about. He also said that Courtney doesn't mind it when Howard calls her Courtney Cock. He said she has a really good sense of humor but she doesn't do Howard's show because she can't wake up early enough. Yeah, right. ''The Alarmist'' opens today and Howard said it's gotten some good reviews.
Jim Breuer Comes In. 05/04/05. 9:15am
Coming out of break Fred was playing David Bowie's ''Under Pressure'' for Artie since he was under so much pressure with the whole movie thing. They also played Artie's voice mail message where he called in sick one morning. They'd edited it and put in ''five weeks'' for when he'd be returning to the show since that's what his original plan was for the movie shoot this summer. Howard and Artie were talking about how great that Bowie song is with Freddy Mercury singing on it.
Howard read an article about how Joe Perry from Aerosmith had given Howard credit for inspiring him to do a solo album. Howard couldn't find the article so he read some of the journal entries from that serial rapist they were talking about earlier. Howard read the entries in which the guy talked about Howard's movie opening back in 1997 and then there were some posts about the guy wanting to rape a woman. Howard eventually found the Joe Perry article and read that quickly.
Howard read some of the mail they were getting about Artie being on the show. There were a bunch of people who said they love Artie on the show but Artie doesn't think that he'd be remembered in four weeks if he left the show. Robin and Howard kept talking to him about that while the guys brought in Jim Breuer.
Jim Breuer came in a short time later to talk to Howard. Jim thought it was pretty cool to be there. He told Howard that Artie was seduced by the savages that get hold of him outside of the Stern show. They tell Artie that he's much funnier than he is on the Stern show and try to convince him to do stuff like this movie. Jim said he knows where that's all coming from. Jim had some fun with the whole thing and goofed on Artie about the conversation Howard had with him earlier.
Howard talked to Jim about his days working on Saturday Night Live and how much he hated that. Jim said it's just like any other job. He worked at Sears and there was just as much back stabbing going on there as there was at SNL. Jim said he'd have to hide his ideas from people so they wouldn't steal them from him. Jim said that Norm MacDonald was on the show at the time and he'd do whatever he wanted over there. He actually did a pretty funny impression of Norm while he was talking about him. Jim also said he didn't like David Spade when he first met him. He said he was a little faggot like the 3rd grade kid who missed the kickball. Jim said that he was the new monkey boy when Farley was gone from the show and Spade apparently didn't treat him right. Jim talked about how he got the job on SNL just 7 days before they started the new season. Jim said that Spade called him the ''new idiot'' when he walked in for the first time over there. Jim said Spade would treat him like crap in front of crowds there at SNL until he threatened to pop him right in his snot box. Jim said that they got along after that. A little threat goes a long way apparently. Artie said you really do have to let some of those arrogant guys know that you're willing to throw them out of a window to get their respect. Artie didn't know that Spade was one of those guys because he's always been cool to him. Jim said he's cool with Spade now though.
Jim said that Norm really didn't care when he was working over there. He'd just show up one day out of a hole. Jim said he respected Norm when he was there. Artie said there's no better guy to talk to about show business than Norm. He told a story about going to an Up-front at FOX because he was on the network at the time. One of the executive came up to Norm and told him that his show was the highest tested shows ever and then walked over to Jason Bateman who was on the network at well. Another executive came up to Norm and asked where the other guy was. Norm told that exec that the other guy was over telling Jason Bateman that his show is the highest tested show on the network. Artie said that Norm gets it and knows that it's a bunch of crap.
Jim told Howard how great it's been over at SIRIUS and how much feedback he's getting over there about people who are signing up with the satellite company because of Howard. Howard said he'll be working with him over there. He's on channel 147 which is Raw Dawg Comedy. Howard also gave him a plug for his web sites JimBreuer.com and
Gary came in and reminded Howard about something David Spade did on SNL where he cracked a joke about Eddie Murphy and had to apologize for it later. Jim was there at the time and remembered one of the interns coming in to tell David that Eddie Murphy had called 5 times looking for him. Then they found out that Eddie was going to come down to the studio to talk to David if he didn't get on the phone. Spade turned white and dialed up Eddie. Everyone pretended not to listen in but they did overhear him talking to Eddie and apologizing to him. Jim said that Spade had to take his beating from Eddie that day and Jim loved it.
Jim said he's doing a 2 hour show over there at SIRIUS so Artie wondered why they can't do that. Jim said that even 2 hours is a long time and he's only doing 4 days a week original. Jim told Howard that he's also appeared on the gay channel over there. Howard said they plan on doing a lot of shows with the gay channel. Jim went on there to explain why he uses the word ''faggot'' in the opening of his show. He said that he just uses it like a third grader would use it when another student misses the kickball.
Artie and Jim shared a couple of stories about Norm MacDonald. Artie said there was one time that Norm made some comments about Chris Kattan seeming kind of gay to him when he was interviewed. Jim told another story about Norm doing a Twilight Zone sketch and Norm didn't seem to be doing the Rod Serling character the right way so Chris Kattan would goof on him the whole time. Norm wouldn't ever say anything to Chris when he would go off on him. He ended up saving it for 10 seconds before they went live on the air and then lashed out at Chris telling Pam Anderson that Chris was gay and he has all of this rage saved up in him and that's why he keeps interrupting the sketch.
Jim and Artie did their AC/DC impressions for Howard after that. Both of them have a ton of energy. Jim would do a little bit and then Artie would come in and do his ''FI-AHHHHHH.'' Fred played some AC/DC and Jim's impression was so good that you couldn't tell when he was singing or when it was AC/DC. Howard was directing Artie and Jim to sing along with the song and it was pretty friggin intense. Artie said that Jim does a bunch of bands. Jim did some James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich from Metallica a little bit. Howard had Artie doing some Bruce Springsteen impressions after that. Jim also does an Ozzy impression but he ended up talking about how he didn't want Ozzy to do that MTV show because they made a fool out of him. Jim did a little Judas Priest impression after that.
Double A called in and told Jim that he's one of the funniest guests he's heard on the show in a while. He asked him to do some Joe Pesci impressions after that. Jim went right into the character a short time later but said he really can't do that one anymore. Artie said that he had to do a Joe Pesci impression on MAD TV and he wasn't able to do it that well. He said the best way to do it is to let yourself get out of breath. He demonstrated it and did some lines from ''Goodfellas.'' That led to Jim and Artie doing some lines from the movie together.
Artie asked Jim if he wants to fill in for him for a few weeks this summer. Jim told him he'd better watch out. Artie told Howard that he could find someone to replace him in a second. He really believes that they could replace him no problem. Howard said they're going to have fun with Jim when they move over to SIRIUS. Jim said he'll come over and hang out when they're over there. Howard had to go to break before getting to Robin's news.
The Gossip Game With Guest Johnny Knoxville. 10/18/02. 8:45am
''Jackass'' Johnny Knoxville came in to promote the ''Jackass'' movie which hits theaters on Friday, October 25th. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Johnny about how crazy he seems and how he doesn't seem to be afraid of pain. Howard told him that kind of scares him. A listener had called in just before Johnny came in and asked him how long his injuries take to heal. Johnny said it can take a few weeks before some of them heal. He told Howard about some recent head injuries that caused him some trouble. He said he had one concussion that caused him to have vertigo for a few weeks. He got the concussion while boxing Butterbean.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever thinks about possible brain damage from all of the head injuries he's had. Johnny said he doesn't think about that stuff.
Howard talked to Johnny about the new movie and found out that they show a lot more nudity, mostly guys, and show more stuff going in and coming out of the guys. He said one of the stunts was turned down by Steve O because his father threatened to disown him if he did it. Johnny said Ryan Dunn took over and did the stunt instead. He said you'll never look at toy cars and Ryan Dunn the same after you see the stunt.
Howard also spoke to Johnny about the money he didn't make with ''Jackass.'' Howard read that MTV and Comedy Central had a bidding war over ''Jackass'' before it hit TV. Johnny said there still wasn't much money being offered. He said it was like they were throwing nickels and nickels at him with the offers they were making. He said he's making a little bit more with the ''Jackass'' movie. He can make quite a bit if the movie does well.
Howard read something about Johnny's father being the inspiration for these nutty stunts he does. Johnny said his father once heated up a hot dog to make it just warm enough to be body temperature. He then dragged it across Johnny's lips as he slept. When he woke up Johnny saw his father zipping up his pants.
Howard read that Johnny once turned down a spot on Saturday Night Live. Johnny said that if he'd taken the spot it would have meant breaking up the ''Jackass'' guys so he didn't take it.
Howard took a few phone calls for Johnny and Mike Walker from the National Enquirer also called in to play his game. Mike said for the first time he's on the cover of the National Enquirer to promote their $100,000 giveaway. They all spent a short time talking about Johnny hanging out with Heather Graham one time. They didn't do anything other than hang out according to Johnny. They eventually got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Gary brought in a couple of women who wanted to meet Johnny. They work at the station but Howard's never seen them before. They were really hot and Howard wondered why they hide them in the back offices. He asked them if they'd let Johnny bang them if he wanted to. They were thrilled to meet them but they didn't want him to bang them. Howard spent a few more minutes with Johnny before wrapping up the interview. Johnny told Howard that he's done with the whole ''Jackass'' thing for now. He said he may continue to do the stunts but he'll probably just show the tapes to his friends. He said Steve O and some of the other guys will probably continue to put out videos of their stuff though.
Today's I Was a Howard Stern Virgin was over around 11:10am.
They played the interview and in that clip Gary told Howard that Alec was there wearing Raybans and sporting a big cigar. Alec came in and Howard talked to him about his new movie ''The Shadow'' and asked what kind of powers the guy has.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Alec about Kim Bassinger. He said he has to forget about the movie for a second. Howard said he used to watch Alec on Knots Landing all the time. He said he should have stuck with that for the whole run. Howard said some people can go from TV to movies and Alec was one of them. Howard asked Alec if he thought Nick Nolte was going to go off into obscurity. Alec asked why he would think that. Howard said there are so many actors that leave hit shows. He said that people like Sally Struthers and Adrienne Barbeau leave shows before they should have.
Howard said Alec can have any caliber of woman he wants. He said he's shocked he got married. Howard said he must be faithful to Kim. Alec said of course he is. Robin said that came out too easy. Alec said he really is. Howard asked if he gets sick of a Kim Bassinger. Alec said he doesn't. Howard said he can see how someone could get tired of that.
Howard said he must get tired of being with the same woman time after time. He said there is that joy of putting your hand down a woman's pants for the first time. Alec said he does kind of remember that moment. Howard asked Alec about how long it took to get into Kim's pants. Alec didn't want to answer that.
Howard told Alec that he knows he's doing Letterman. He told him to get ready for some weirdness on that show. Howard said he was just on and he got some strange vibes off of Dave. Howard said he wants to be the king of all media himself so he's got his own production company going and he's working on a lot of stuff. Howard said he's working on a movie based on his book ''Private Parts.'' Alec asked if there is anyone in media who does more shameless self promotion.
Howard asked Alec about the other women he's had. He asked if he ever had Nicolette Sheridan. Alec said he was never near her.
Howard asked Alec more about how he met Kim. Alec told Howard about how he was getting ready to do a movie with her when he saw her out one night. Howard asked about doing love scenes with her and if he was aroused. Alec said he wasn't because you don't get aroused during a movie. Howard said that has to be bull.
Howard asked Alec if he still makes love as much as he did in the beginning of the relationship. Alec said he does. Howard said he wonders about that. He said he's not sure that's possible.
Howard asked why Alec's brothers never get to see Kim. He said he heard from Stephen who said they never get to see her. Howard asked Alec what he's worth. Howard was all over the place with the questioning and Alec wasn't answering.
Alec asked Howard why he's running for office and why he gets involved in politics. They argued about that for a minute. Howard said you'd think that Alec would be behind him about the free speech thing but he didn't support him like he expected him to. Alec asked how they can get him on the right side and come back from the dark side. Howard said he thinks he is on the right side. They went back and forth arguing about that for a short time. They had to take a break. Howard and Alec talked more about The Shadow. Howard talked more about Kim Bassinger and what he'd like to do to her. Alec said she loves listening to Howard out in L.A. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked to Alec about some of his other movies. Howard kept getting back to Kim over and over. Howard found out Alec was trying to knock her up.
Howard said that they had the opening for The Shadow recently. He read about how some of the Kennedy family showed up. Howard asked how he made that happen. Alec said he did some charity work for the Robert Kennedy memorial fund. Alec said he's a big fan of theirs. Howard asked if he's ever had dinner with them. Alec said he did once in 1992. Howard asked if they talk politics at dinner. Alec said of course they do.
Howard said if he had Alec to his house he wouldn't know how to handle the situation. He said he wouldn't know what to talk about. Howard said there would be a lot of pressure. Alec said he didn't have any pressure with them because there is so much to talk about.
Howard asked Alec about what age he lost his virginity. Howard told him he was 16 when he lost his. Howard said he lost it outdoors. Howard said that it actually happened at his parents house. Howard said he could have lost it earlier at a lake. Howard said he had a real dry spell for the first 16 years of his life. Howard said he met this girl and got her down to the lake and she undressed. Howard said he was kissing her and took her pants off. He got to third base and he was out of his mind. Howard said he didn't have any rubbers with him though. Howard said he was shaking like a leaf from being so nervous. Howard said he doesn't know how to do it in the water either. He said he started to squat in the water like an ape instead of getting into deeper water. Howard said it wasn't working and she got totally turned off. Then nothing happened. Howard said she didn't give it to him for months and months after that.
Howard asked Alec if he would ever get naked for a movie. Alec said he would never do anything to embarrass his children in the future.
Howard said he got that girl once months later and that was it. Alec said he lost his on a golf course. He said that's where everything that happened to him happened. Alec didn't give Howard a lot of details. He said it was all very sweet. Howard asked if he lasted a long time with Kim. Alec said it was all good.
Howard asked if Kim is very loving. He said he wonders if she is. Howard said she's like a living Barbie doll. Howard said she must care about pleasing him. Alec said that he could tell him the truth or make up something interesting. Howard and Robin asked for the truth. Alec said she was an animal. He said it was like being in bed with the circus.
Howard said Alec does Saturday Night Live a lot and he wonders if he'll stop doing it because the writing has gotten bad. Alec said he will keep doing it. He didn't have anything bad to say about the show.
Howard asked Alec more about The Shadow and the premiere they had the other night. Alec quickly told him about that. Howard asked why Alec is involve with the horse carriages there in the city. Alec said the laws they have aren't up to date and he's just trying to get them to take care of them the right way.
Howard asked Alec what he gets paid to do movies these days. Alec wasn't saying. Howard said he must be in the $5-6 million range. Alec said he's very comfortable. Howard said he must make 6 million. Alec said that's just not the case. Howard said Julia Roberts gets 12 million. Alec asked what movie he saw in the theaters last. Howard said it was Robogirls. Howard said it was actually Ace Ventura. Howard said it's really funny and Jim Carrey is very talented. Howard said that guy made that movie fly. He said he didn't understand why they were paying him the money they were paying him but now he can see why.
Howard and Alec talked about the late night shows and who they like to watch. Howard said he doesn't care who it is, it all depends on who the guests are.
Howard talked about how he wants to see Eddie Murphy doing comedy and not serious movies. Howard said Eddie thinks that he's Carey Grant or something now.
Howard said he wants to put the word out to Kim about what he would do to her in the sack. Howard said what he's lacking in the pants he could make up for in bed. He said he can do things that would make up for that small thing.
Howard asked Alec if there's any nudity in the movie. Alec said there is not. He said it's good, clean fun for the kids.
Howard asked Alec more about meeting Kim and Alec told him that she really didn't give him the time of day. Alec said he was on the set of another movie when he met her the first time and she stormed right past him. He said it was lunch time and she was on her way to eat. He said she knocked him right over on her way to eat.
Howard asked if Kim is naturally blonde. Alec said she is. They spent a little time talking about that. Alec also told Howard about his first time out to dinner with her and what that was like. Alec said he was doing the whole loving animals thing and laying lines on her. Alec said his car died out in the parking lot when they left. He said he was driving a Mustang because he only buys American. Howard said he has a Jeep. Alec said that's what he has now too. Alec said his Mustang broke down so she looked at him like ''You have got to be kidding me...'' Alec said this valet said he was making too much money for his car to break down. Alec did an impression of that valet telling him that. Howard said that was a great black impression. He and Billy West goofed on him over that a little bit.
Howard asked Alec if he kissed Kim in the car that first night. Alec said he didn't. Howard asked how many dates it took before he did. Alec said he kissed her on the second date. Howard asked if he had sex on the second date too. Alec said it was months later. Howard didn't believe it.
Howard gave Alec some plugs for the movie and said that it should be a big hit. Howard said he must like the movie or he wouldn't be out promoting it like this. Alec said he likes it because it's a family movie. He said you can bring the kids to this one. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up. He asked Alec to say hi to his wife for him.
Howard asked what's up with the white streak in his hair. Alec said he's doing a movie and his character has that in his hair. He said he's doing the movie with Eric Roberts and he's a great actor. They went to break a short time later.
The Gossip Game With Guest Sarah Silverman. 6/15/01. 7:00am
Comedian Sarah Silverman, who was on Saturday Night Live for one season, came in to talk to Howard about the movie ''Evolution'' that she appears in. She was also there to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Sarah about her one season on SNL and how she had no clue she was going to be fired. She said she had a great time there working with people like Adam Sandler, Chris Farley and all of those guys. She was only 22 at the time and she thinks she just wasn't ready back then. She thinks she was a little too young and unprepared. She's been doing stand-up comedy since she was 17. Howard pointed out how hot she is and how all of the comedians lust after her.
Howard wondered if Sarah actually found Adam Sandler funny when she worked with him. She thought he was the greatest thing. She said he always made everyone laugh in writing meetings and she even likes all of his movies. Howard told her he just doesn't get Sandler at all. Someone suggested that he get Sandler in the studio to see just how funny he is.
Howard read in his notes that Sarah was a bed wetter when she was in her teens. He found that to be sexy. She said she regularly wet her bed until she was 15. Then after she was fired from SNL she wet the bed 3 more times in about a month. She said one time was with a guy friend of her's that she sleeps (just sleeps) with. Then she did it again with a guy she was having sex with but none of the guys ever cared that she did it. Howard said he wouldn't care either because she's so cute.
Mike Walker called in and Howard quickly played their weekly game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
Mike told Howard how great it was to hear Sarah talking about wetting her bed. He said it made some great radio. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. He said that Sarah will be appearing at Caroline's comedy club in New York next week. Check out Carolines.com for more info.
In the clip Howard was out doing a live broadcast for his birthday. Robin introduced Jason and Howard said he had a lot of questions for him. He said they weren't able to get anyone else from Seinfeld to come on the show. He said he was glad Jason showed up. Howard said he understands they weren't able to get Kramer so Jason came on instead. Jason said he drew the short straw so that's who they got.
Howard talked to Jason about how Jerry dumped him and he knew he would do that. Howard said he predicted that he'd stop coming on the show once Seinfeld got really big. Howard said most people know the story about Shoshauna and how Jerry stopped thinking straight. Howard asked if he was wrong to make fun of him for dating a high school girl. Jason didn't have a lot to say about that. He said that when love strikes you never know. Howard asked if he goofs on Jerry about Shoshauna. Jason said they talk about exams and things like that when they go out.
Howard asked if Jerry knows he's there. Jason said he does. Jason said that Jerry told him to go ahead and go on the show. He said if he was that upset he could have asked him not to go on the show but Jerry was fine with it. Jason said he didn't send Howard a card or anything like that.
Howard told Jason about doing the Garry Shandling show and they work on the same lot as Seinfeld. He said Jerry wasn't happy with him. Jason said that Jerry may have been offended by that song parody they did. Howard said they wrote this song parody for Janis Ian to sing and it was very funny. Jason said it was pretty funny they got Janis to sing the song. He said if Jackie had done it then maybe it wouldn't have been as funny.
Howard asked Jason if he listens to the show. Jason said he listens a lot actually. Howard said that's great and he likes that he had some nice things to say about him.
Jason thanked Howard for what he said about him doing the Emmy awards. Howard said he was very funny and he did a nice job with it. He said Cybil Sheppard was a downer though.
Howard said he should take Jason to Scores. Jason said he went there once and he got into trouble. He said it was all over the paper the next day. Howard asked Lonnie what's up with that. Lonnie said they don't put it in the paper. He said the reporters wait outside to see the celebrities that go there. Gary told Howard that Jason is in a new movie. Howard said now he knows why he's there. Howard gave him some plugs for the movie and talked about some of the other stuff he's done. They talked about him being in Pretty Woman and Funny People too.
Howard said he saw the episode of Seinfeld where they had to get the loaf of rye bread and he thought it was very funny. Howard said he didn't want to get into too many details about that but he thought Jason was very good in that.
Howard gave Jason some plugs for ''Dunston Checks In'' and asked him some questions about that. He also talked to Jason about his wife and his dating life. Howard said Jason probably never expected to get famous so he married young. Jason said that he never did expect to be famous. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
In the 1994 interview Howard and Gary were talking about Pam being on her way up to the studio. Howard said he was looking forward to that. Gary said the guys were going nuts already. He said sales people were coming in early because she's coming up. Howard said that girl Nicole Eggert must feel really dumb for leaving Baywatch early. He said it's tough getting work out there. He said Pam is playing it right. He said once she gets a role in a feature film she'll be out.
The guys told Howard that Pam was there so Howard put on his sunglasses. Howard said he didn't get dressed up for her or anything. He said he's just putting on his sunglasses.
Pam came in but Howard told her to slow down so he could check her out. Howard said he's excited that she's there. He wasn't sure if she was a fan or not. Pam said she listens every day. Howard asked if she's dating a bad boy because he's not sure if she's into them. Pam said she's dating Brett Michaels so she is dating a bad boy. Howard asked if he's good in bed. Pam said he is. Howard asked how old she is. Pam said she's 27. Howard asked if she oils her chest or something. Pam said she does rub some oils into her skin. Howard said she's like Marilyn Monroe. He said she just needs to get into a good comedy movie. Pam said she'd love that. Howard said he'll let her read his script. Howard said he has a part for her.
Howard asked Pam where she grew up. She said she grew up on Vancouver Island. Howard didn't know she was from Canada. Howard said she smells really good. He said she must be good at sex.
Howard talked to Pam about Brett Michaels and she said she has a picture of his penis with her. Howard asked to see it. Robin took a look first. Robin said it is pretty big. Howard looked at it and said it is pretty big. Howard said he's as big as that. Howard said he'd consider it kind of small. Pam said it's perfect. Howard said he has everything that Pam needs. He said he likes that Pam is smart.
Howard said Pam has the cutest private parts in Playboy. Howard said he has to look at them. He found her issue and showed the pictures. Howard showed her the shot that he liked. He said that she looks so cute in that. Howard said he'd be so happy with her and she'd be happy with him. Howard asked if she would go out with him after breaking up with Brett. Pam said she's not breaking up with Brett but she would go out with Howard. Howard said he'd be happy with just the picture of her. Howard asked if she's open sexually with all three inputs. Pam said she is but she's not even sure what that means. Howard said she has to know what it means.
Pam said she's on a Playboy pool cue. She showed Howard and he said that he'd love to lay her down on a pool table. Howard said he'd explode if he was with her.
Howard asked Pam to do a back bend for them. She wasn't sure if she should. Howard convinced her to do it. Pam was afraid her shirt would pop open. Howard said that they were already popping out. He said her bra was bursting and so was the vest. Howard asked if she could do a split. Pam said she might ruin her pants. Howard said that was the whole idea.
Robin asked what went on with Scott Baio. Howard asked why she would date a dick like that. Then Pam said he was the one who actually introduced her to Howard. Howard said he's a good guy then. Howard asked if he was quick in bed because that's what they heard. Pam didn't answer. She said she forgets.
Gary told Howard that Pam smells really good. Howard asked if she's ever gone to the bathroom in front of Brett. She said she hasn't yet. Howard asked if she has farted in front of him. She said she hopes not.
Howard asked Pam about growing up in Vancouver and if she had any uncles trying to molest her or anything. Pam said she did not. Howard asked Pam when she left Vancouver. Pam said a photographer discovered her and took some shots of her. Then Playboy found her and asked her to do that. She said that she got into Playboy and because centerfold in 1990. She said she lost her virginity at 16. Pam said she hadn't even had her period yet at 16. She was a very late developer.
Howard asked Pam if she'd do a scene with him. He said that she'll play an acting teacher and she has to teach him how to act. Howard explained the scene to Pam and told her what she'd be doing. Howard moved closer to Pam and did the scene with her. He had a kissing scene so he had to be closer. Howard had her read her lines and he got to kiss her a couple of times. Howard kissed her on the cheek and then on the lips. He had to do a longer make out but Pam pulled away. Fred played some sound effects that threw her off. Howard said she wasn't really playing along so he gave up. Howard said she was so turned off. Pam said she really wasn't. She said that it was the sound effects. Howard said he knows he doesn't turn her on. Howard said that's why she ran away.
Howard said Pam pulled back so that means he's grotesque. Pam said she pulled back because of Fred. Howard said he must be really bad because she pulled way back. Robin said that long passionate kiss was very short.
Howard said he would do anything to sleep with her. Howard said she has great feet and a toe ring. Howard said that's so cute. Howard said Ralph is out there dying. He asked if he could come in and meet her. Pam said that's fine. Howard had Ralph come in. Ralph said he'd dizzy. He said he can't find any imperfections. Ralph said she's so good looking it's scary. Howard said he was just kissing her. Ralph said she pulled away though. Howard said that's because of Fred.
Howard kicked Ralph out a short time later. Gary said Pam's makeup person wanted to come in and fix her lipstick. Pam said she's fine.
Howard asked Pam about dating Scott Baio and what happened with that. Pam said that she had given up on the other men she had met in Los Angeles. She said she thought that Scott really loved her. She decided to marry him but they had nothing in common. She said it's great that they didn't get married. Howard asked if she would get back with him now. Pam said she wouldn't go back out with him. Howard asked if she smokes pot or anything. Pam said she doesn't do that.
Howard asked Pam how long she waited to have sex with Scott. Pam said it was a few weeks. Howard said that relationship ended and now she's going out with Brett. Howard asked what he does all day. She said they have a new album coming out so he works all day. Howard said he hopes his career falls apart so he can have Pam to himself.
Howard asked Pam about her Playboy layout and if her parents saw them. Pam said they did. Howard said it's kind of weird that her father wanted to see that. Howard asked if she had to groom herself for the Playboy shoot. Pam said she did. She shaves down completely. Howard said he hates body hair. Pam said she hates it too. Howard asked if Brett gets to shave her. She said that Brett did that once. Howard said she's a woman and a half. Howard said he thinks she knows what he's saying. He said he has a scene in his movie where he shaves an actress.
Howard asked Pam if Playboy asked her to grow in the hair. Pam said she grew it in thinking it would be best for the shoot. Howard said that she's as bald as a baby's butt. Howard gave Pam some plugs for Playboy. He said her issue is out now. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and had some music playing. Howard asked if Pam wanted to dance with him. Pam said she would. Howard had her come over to him and they danced. Pam said he dances like he kisses. Robin told Howard they were in commercial and no one else could hear them. Howard told Pam to touch his chest. Pam told him he has to shave his chest. Howard said he forgot about that.
Howard said he smells so good right now. Jackie said that they looked great together. Howard said he would love to walk into a party with Pam on his arm. Robin said the dance wasn't great. Howard asked what he did wrong. He asked Pam if she wanted to dance again. Pam said once was enough. Howard asked how they were going to say goodbye. Pam said she's not sure. Howard asked if he could kiss and hug her goodbye. She said he could. Howard asked if he could caress her body. Pam said she might get in trouble. Howard asked if he could rub her leg. Pam said he can do that. Howard asked if he can massage her legs. Pam said this is going to be a long goodbye. Howard asked if he can hold her like a bowling ball. Howard said he wants to rub her legs and massage them. Pam can tell him how good he is. Howard said then he'll stand up and give her a hug and say goodbye. Pam was fine with that.
Howard had Pam come over to him so he could do this stuff. Howard rubbed her legs and asked how he was at massaging. Pam was fine with it. Howard got up and hugged her. Howard said he's really going to miss her. Howard asked if he could pull her bra strap. He did it and Pam laughed. Howard said he's going to kiss her goodbye now. Howard asked if he could kiss her buttocks goodbye. Pam said he can kiss her lips. Howard asked if he really could. Pam said yes. Howard gave her a kiss and it lasted a couple of seconds. Howard said he is dizzy from her. He said Fred can't even stay awake. Howard wrapped up with Pam a short time later.
Snoop Dogg Visits. 06/09/1999. 8:30am
After the commercials Howard said he was reading the newspaper about Kathie Lee Gifford who was upset with Ivana Trump for putting out a magazine with the people who run The Globe. She didn't want to support it so she refused to interview her. He thought that was kind of nuts because she was mad at The Globe for printing the story about her husband Frank.
Howard quickly moved on to Snoop Dogg who was there to promote his album ''Bitch Please.'' He played some of the album as Snoop was coming in. He said Snoop had major gold jewelry around his neck. He talked to him about that a little bit and then got right into the pot discussions. Snoop said he's been smoking since his uncle introduced him to it at the age of 7. Gary said he could smell the cannabis coming from the green room when he was out in the hall. Howard said he remembers all the brothers smoking that stuff when he was in 8th grade. They'd even smoke it in health class.
Snoop said he got kicked out of school for doing that when he was in 12th grade. Robin wondered how he gets away with that stuff now since everyone knows he smokes. Snoop said that the cops recognize him and just let him go. He also said that there's a medical condition that he has that helps him get out of it. He said there was nothing specific, he's just sick. Howard played some of Jackie's pot song for Snoop and Snoop said it was like some Country hip-hop.
Snoop said that it's time for him to move on and he's not doing it doggy style anymore. He said it's kind of like the way Gary Coleman doesn't want to be Arnold anymore. Howard asked Snoop about getting married a couple of years ago. Snoop said they've been together for a long time but just made it official a couple of years back. Robin said there was no big deal made about that back then. Howard said that's the white media trying to cover up when a black man does the right thing.
Howard told Snoop that they had their old camera woman Tara there to meet him. She came in a few seconds later and Howard said she's like a model type. He asked her if she would sleep with Snoop. Tara said she didn't know. She asked if she could sit next to him instead of stand. Snoop said that was cool so she went over to sit there. She said she started listening to him when she was 22 and it was a guy she was with who introduced her to his music. Howard said that Snoop must be beating the women away these days. He was pretty sure that sleeping with a white woman wouldn't be cheating on his wife. Howard said he'd make a good president thinking that way.
Tara said she didn't really have anything to say to Snoop, she just wanted to meet him because she was such a fan of his music. Howard wanted her to sing some of his stuff but she was too embarrassed to do it. Howard wanted her to prove that she knew the words to his songs. She refused to do it. Then Snoop helped her get started and she recited some of the lyrics. Howard said that was unbelievable. Then she wanted to sing more of his stuff and started singing another one of his songs.
Tara told Snoop that he smelled like Chronic so Robin pointed out that she was talking black. Howard wanted her to talk more like that but she didn't think she was doing anything different. Howard said this must be kind of complimentary to Snoop. KC interrupted and said they had a girl out there who wanted to get topless for Snoop. She came in a short time later and Howard told her that she wasn't a bad looking broad but she was a little overweight. She said she likes bigger boobs so she keeps the weight on to keep them big. She showed Snoop her boobs a short time later. Snoop sounded pretty happy about seeing them but Howard told her that she should be ashamed of herself.
Howard talked to Snoop about his kids and asked when he's going to let them smoke weed. Snoop said he's hoping they don't do what he did but if they do, it's on them. He said he thinks it's alright to do it but he's not going to make them do it or anything. He used to smoke in front of the kids but they're old enough to tell him not to do it anymore.
Snoop said he smokes about an ounce of a day. Even Jackie was blown away by that statement. Snoop said that's about 35 joints a day. Tara asked him how he has any time to do anything else during the day. Snoop said that's just him doing his thing every day. He said when he's done in there, he's going to go roll one up out in the green room. Gary told Howard he thinks his friends have started without him out in the green room.
Howard asked Snoop if he's trying to drown out his childhood pain when he smokes the weed. He asked Snoop about his father and found out the guy was kind of an outlaw. Snoop said he was in Vietnam and his parents broke up when he got back from 'Nam. Snoop said that he wasn't raised by his biological father, he didn't find that out until he was about 9. He said it was kind of confusing to him back then when he found all of that out. Howard said he's hoping that his father isn't really his real father.
Howard said the guy who got Snoop started on pot was his uncle. Snoop said he remembers that guy doing the pimping and stuff like that. He started getting laid when he was 13 or so thanks to his uncle. He said he knew a whole lot of ho's when he was growing up so that's why his pimp hand is strong now. Robin wondered what that meant and if he had women. Snoop said he has a stable of women and that's a side business he runs. They can do him all kinds of favors and get him weed and stuff like that.
Howard asked Snoop about being in a gang and wondered if there's any way out for him. Snoop said that they wouldn't bother him these days because of the status he has. He told Howard about selling coke when he was in the gang and how he was making money for himself. He said he was ''Ghetto Fabulous'' which meant he had a lot of money for a guy living in the ghetto. He went to jail for a little while and then met up with another guy and started the record making stuff. He said that jail showed him that it was no place for him so he didn't want to go back there.
Howard asked Snoop how he knew Cameron Diaz because it said he was friends with her in the notes he had. Snoop said she was a friend of a friend of his. He was also talking about how he would steal from his white friend's families. He said it worked out well because he was bussed into the white school neighborhoods and bussed back home after he ripped them off. Tara was telling Snoop that he could rob her mother anytime.
Robin asked Snoop if he's still using the five finger discount. He said he's got guys who do that for him now when he goes out. He said they'll fill their pockets while he's signing autographs. Howard brought up Cameron Diaz again and asked him if he was friendly with her. Snoop said he spoke to her a few times. Howard and Robin were still on the story about Snoop ripping off his white friends houses. Tara asked him what they would take. Snoop said they took stuff that they could sell quickly like jewelry and stuff like that. He said he can always go back to that if the whole music thing doesn't work out.
Snoop talked about the ho's he has out there and how they're always working for him. He said that they'd better bring stuff back for him or else he takes off his size 11s and beats them with them. He said they'd have to dig his size 11s from their asses if they don't bring him back some stuff. Howard jokingly said he had Ike Turner on hold and he was saying Snoop was out of control.
Howard said that Snoop must be worried about his safety these days. Snoop said he's got some bodyguards with him and they were standing right outside the studio according to Gary. Robin wondered if Snoop was packing anything. Snoop said he wasn't but one of his guys might be. Howard met some of the people who came with Snoop this morning. Gary said that the security guards wouldn't come in. Snoop's DJ came in and a guy from the record company did as well. The DJ was wearing a bullet proof vest so Howard asked him about that. Snoop said that he sells those things too. Howard read that Snoop has a bullet proof van as well.
Howard talked to Snoop's guys and said that Snoop must be worth a lot of money. Snoop was saying that they should do a buddy movie or something. Howard had some ideas for that movie and said that they could kidnap him and tie him up in a house or something.
Howard asked Snoop if he was okay with this Rappin' Granny woman coming in to rap for him. Snoop said that was fine and told her to come on in. Granny came in a short time later to a lot of laughter. Howard talked to him a little bit about this white rapper Eminem and what he thought about that. Snoop said he was down with that because he's Dr. Dre's boy. Howard then moved on to Rappin' Granny and found out that she was 75 years old. She was wearing a mini-skirt and hot pants. Granny said she's got a young body but her face does make the young men pass out.
Howard told Granny he was going to give her a shot to rap for Snoop. They played some rap music for her to rap to. She rapped but wasn't really following the music. Howard told one of the guys to take his bullet proof vest and shove it in her mouth. She continued to rap so Howard said that there wasn't one erection in the 50 markets he was on in. That got Jackie laughing pretty hard. Howard cut Granny off a short time later. He told her to let that sink in with Snoop. They told her that she'll be on Snoops label if she lives to 200. Snoop said that her first album would be called ''Gut and Butt'' if they put one out. She showed the guys her body before she left. Howard said that was the Rappin' Granny but she corrected him and said it was Fruity Nutcake.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Snoop has wasted a lot of time rolling blunts and maybe he should try some Marinol which is a pill that has the same effect as pot. Snoop said his blunts will last him 8 hours and it only takes him 5 minutes to roll. Howard asked him how much he spends on that stuff every day. Snoop said it's about $300 a day. He doesn't do any other drugs like coke or anything like that, only marijuana. Howard said he thinks some of that stuff is a little too strong for him but Snoop said that's the way he likes it. Howard asked Snoop where he can get the best pot. Snoop said it's got to be Amsterdam.
The White Rapper called in and asked Snoop what happened to the murder charges. Snoop said he got off on them because it was self-defense. He said that at the time of that trial, OJ Simpson had just gotten off so he was afraid that people were going to take out their anger on him. Howard read that Snoop celebrated with the jury at a party he threw for them after the trial.
The White Rapper asked Snoop why he killed Biggie. Snoop said Biggie was a friend of his and he had nothing to do with that. He asked the caller ''Who you is?'' and wondered why he was getting under his skin like that. He said that guy can suck his dick if he wants to. Snoop said that guy wouldn't have the balls to say something like that to him in person. If he did, one of this guys would have taken care of him and would have made him disappear.
Howard took some more calls for Snoop and let some other guys ask some questions. One guy said he wants to smoke weed but his wife wants him to stop because she had to stop. Snoop said that she should just let him do his thing and leave him alone.
Howard took a call from a guy from NWA. He and Snoop spent a short time talking and Howard tried to get in on that as well. He was trying to talk the same way the two of them were but it wasn't working for him. He let that guy go and then reviewed what they had learned with Snoop this morning. Sean The White Rapper called back in to say a few more things to Snoop so they told him to demonstrate his rap for them. He started to rap but Snoop wasn't impressed and told him to give it up.
Ralph came in and told Howard to have Snoop and Jackie have a rolling contest to see who could roll a joint the fastest. Howard said they could do that but they needed some oregano or something to roll in there. Ralph came in with some tobacco for them to roll up. Tara wanted in on that as well because she claimed she could roll really fast. The guys all got a little fake weed to roll up. They didn't have any rolling papers though so Ralph ran out to get some. He came back and said that they didn't have any there so they had to run downstairs to get them. Howard said he had to take a break if it was going to take a few minutes to get.
Howard ended up playing some of Snoop's new album while they waited. Tara was bouncing along to the song and the guys figured she was just doing that to show off for Snoop. The rolling papers showed up a short time later so Howard set everyone up with their papers. Snoop said that they should do have a couple of rolls to see who was the best of the three. Howard told them that it had to be a nice, clean roll, not something sloppy.
Stuttering John came in and wanted to bet on who was going to roll the fastest. Howard started the contest a short time later. Jackie had his rolled within seconds while Snoop and Tara kept going. Howard said that Snoop was using all of his fake pot while Jackie only used a little bit. Howard thinks that Snoop won that contest. The guys said that Snoops joint looked like a tampon because it was so big.
Howard asked Snoop how his Letterman appearance went the other night. Snoop said it went really well and they even let them smoke over there. Howard played a little more of Snoop's album as they were wrapping up the interview. Tara was interpreting some of the lyrics for Howard since Howard wasn't sure if he was hearing about the ho's in the song. They ended the interview a short time later.
Ivan Reitman And Arnold Schwarzenegger Visit. 11/21/1994. 7:30am
After the break Howard was asking how many more months he had on his contract. Jackie told him he had 12 more. Howard said he was going to retire after that contract was up. He said he woke up that morning and got a nauseous feeling in his stomach.
Howard said that Ivan Reitman showed up but Arnold Schwarzenegger hadn't gotten there yet. He said Ivan is the producer of the movie so he makes sure he gets there on time. He said Ivan is very psyched about the movie and keeps talking it up like it's the best.
Howard said that Ivan was out there with his son this morning. He said he brought him into a business meeting with him the other day as well. He said that's just not the right thing to do when you have a business meeting like that. He said the kid is a little kid, he's not of the age that he'd be in the business yet. He also brought up Ivan's wife and how hot she is. He figured he could bring Ivan in even though Arnold wasn't there yet.
Gary told Howard that Arnold was on his way in and he'd be there shortly. Howard asked Gary how old Ivan's son is. Gary guessed he was about 18-20 and he had his girlfriend with him. Howard told Gary to bring in Ivan's son and his girlfriend and not Ivan. Howard spent some time talking about Ivan and how much he thinks he's worth while he waited for the son to come in.
Gary went out and got Jason Reitman and his girlfriend. Howard asked him if he wants to be a director like his dad. Jason said ''maybe.'' Howard talked about that meeting his father had with him and how he brought Jason with him. He said he thought it was going to be a good meeting but then he sees Jason on the couch. He said he likes the kid but it's inappropriate to have your kid at a meeting like that. Robin wondered if he's always at meetings like that. Jason said he's been doing that stuff since he was a little kid. Howard moved on to Jason's girlfriend and spent some time talking to her. He said if she ends up marrying her, she's going to have to sign a pre-nup.
Howard asked Jason if his father brought him to any meetings with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jason said ''Umm, no.'' Howard said that shows that Ivan doesn't respect him like he respects Arnold. Howard said it's like Ivan was teasing him and not being serious about the meeting he had with him. Jason also told Howard that he's 17 years old. Howard said he thinks he was about 12 when he met him for the first time.
Howard asked the girlfriend how Jason told her about who his father was. Howard said he would tell her right away but Jason said he waited about a week. Howard asked him what kind of car he drives. Jason said he has a Jeep. Howard said he might have a Jeep now but by the time he gets to college, he'll probably have a Ferrari. Howard talked to Jason about the kind of money his father must have but Jason downplayed it a bit. Howard told him to just master in math and count the money he's going to inherit.
Gary came in and said that Ivan was saying that it might be time to end Jason's time on the air. Howard told him to bring Ivan in there. Ivan came in a short time later with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold was telling Howard he likes his new look. Howard let Jason go while they were coming in. He went on to talk to Ivan about how he got started in the business with ''Animal House,'' ''Stripes,'' ''Ghost Busters'' and others. Arnold said that Ivan's wife must be smiling all the time.
Arnold was saying there was an article about Ivan where they called him the ''billion dollar director'' and there must be a reason for that. He said the guy can make money. Arnold went on to say that he was hunting down Ivan to get him to do this movie ''Junior'' with him. Howard asked him if Ivan brought his son to their business meeting like he did with him. Arnold said there are times when each of their families are there. Howard told Arnold how handsome he is and said he never realized just how handsome he was.
Howard told Arnold he had Danny Devito coming in to say hello to Arnold this morning. He had the guys bring in Marty the Midget who was pretending to be Danny. Howard said Ivan didn't like that joke because he didn't write it. Arnold asked Ivan how many times he's been on the show. Ivan said this was the first time being on the air so Arnold warned him that this was just the beginning.
Howard asked the guys if they had seen his pay-per-view special because he wanted them to check out Nicole Bass and tell him if she's a man or a woman. Arnold said he knows Nicole and he knows that she's a woman. Nicole came in a short time later and gave Arnold a kiss. Howard said he doesn't insult anyone but he wasn't sure if Nicole was really a woman. Arnold said that he knows this is a woman. Nicole said that Arnold actually got her started in the business and introduced her to some people.
Howard said that Nicole had to have taken steroids to have gotten as big as she is. Arnold said she's been working out for over 10 years and he knows that she works out 4 hours a day and they should forget about the steroids. He said you don't get like that just from taking steroids. He said she'd still have to work out a lot to get there. Howard was going to let Nicole go but she had seen ''Junior'' so she told them how great it was. She said it was very funny and she didn't understand why it was rated PG, it should have been rated G.
Howard told Nicole to get away from Arnold and kicked her out of the studio. Howard asked Arnold if he would ever have sex with her if he was stuck on a island or something. He figured Arnold would never do it. Arnold said she would be a great training partner.
Howard asked Ivan about this movie and Ivan went on to tell Howard about how great Arnold is and that's why he's worked with him 3 times already. Howard talked about what this movie is about and how Arnold plays the part of a man who gets pregnant and carries a baby. They spent some time talking about the movie and what Arnold goes through as a pregnant man. Howard said the movie is safe to take kids to and his wife was saying that she would bring their kids to see it.
Howard talked to Arnold about hanging out with Ivan and how that must make Ivan very happy. He wondered how he can get networked into that lifestyle himself. He found out that the two of them might meet up a dozen times throughout the year. Howard also asked Ivan how he met his wife. Ivan went through that story and said he thinks that his wife really loves him.
Howard asked Arnold about his wife and pointed out that she's a Kennedy and it must be great to have become a Kennedy himself. Howard asked him if the family goofs on John John for flunking the BAR exam. Arnold said they don't do that at all.
Howard said that Arnold and Danny Devito make a great team in the movie. Ivan interrupted that and said that they really do work together. Arnold said that when he works with Ivan and Danny and other people he's worked with before, it makes things much more comfortable on the set. He was talking about how Ivan is a great director and he can make him feel very comfortable while making a movie. He went on and on about just how great the guy is. Howard was going to bring that whole conversation around to his own movie but Robin didn't want to hear it.
Howard told Ivan to go ahead and compliment Arnold the way Arnold was complimenting him. Ivan said he thinks that Arnold has been underrated since he started out and he really has the true charisma of a movie star. He said he's very special. Howard was still wondering how he can get in on all of that stuff and actually go skiing with Arnold and Ivan. Ivan talked about what a great guy Howard is but Howard interrupted and said he saw that but then figured that the next movie he should make is with Arnold and not with him.
Arnold said that it's tough to play the soft side of a character like he has done in this ''Junior'' movie. He said you have to be very secure in your masculinity to do that. Howard said that only Arnold could have played this part and he encouraged everyone to go see the movie. Arnold said that the movie opens this week and it's gotten great reviews so he thinks it's going to do very well. He's hoping that everyone goes to see it. Howard said Ivan seemed to be very happy with the promotion Arnold was giving the movie. Ivan said he was making it very easy on him because he didn't have to say a thing, Arnold was doing it all.
Howard asked Arnold if Emma Thompson came on to him at all. Arnold said they had a couple of love scenes so they did have to kind of like each other to do those scenes. She did make him try to like her by grabbing him and shaking him, telling him that he had to love her that day they were shooting. He also said that when he went to a meeting with Ivan and Emma one time, she told him to lay on the floor and she hopped on top of him and rolled around with him on the floor kissing him all over. Howard wondered if Ivan had pulled his pants down during that meeting to pleasure himself. Arnold said Howard just had to go to that place. Howard continued that and said that Danny Devito's nose must have been very close to Emma's private area because he's so short.
Howard said he heard that Danny had to wash his face every 5 minutes because he felt dirty being so close to the private parts of the women he was working with. The guys didn't want to go there with Howard so they tried to avoid answering those kind of questions. Howard said he felt he was getting a glimpse of the making of the movie and he liked it. Robin asked Ivan what Howard is going to do when he makes his first movie. Ivan said they have a read through and they all sit around a table and read through the script. Howard wondered if his son is going to be there too. Ivan said his son has been going for years.
Howard said this was good for him to learn this stuff. He asked Ivan more about what he can do and also asked Arnold what he should eat to get into shape. Arnold told Howard that he hadn't eaten anything that morning so Howard said he pictures the guy eating a ton of food and moving his bowels about 40 times a day. Arnold said he doesn't think the audience would be interested in hearing about that stuff. Howard and Ivan both told him he's wrong about that.
Howard said that the first time he spoke to Arnold, he was making a movement. He said he was down in Washington DC and he saw Arnold walking into the men's room. He said Arnold was in a stall in the bathroom and he wanted to go talk to him. He and Fred went in there and he heard Arnold doing his business. He asked Arnold if he was in there and Arnold kindly responded to him. Billy West was making fart sounds and doing his impression of Arnold crapping on the toilet. Howard said he and Arnold were bonding that day and he even asked him if there was any corn in there.
Robin said Howard has been telling that story for years. He has people stand guard outside of his bathroom when he goes now. Howard said he goes about two times a day but he'd like to go 3 or 4 times. Arnold told him to eat plenty of bran. Howard asked Arnold if he uses a urinal or a stall. Arnold said he will use anything.
Howard got back to Ivan and asked him more about this read through thing. He didn't get into it right away because he got sidetracked talking about other stuff. Ivan eventually got back to that part of the business. Arnold talked about some of his other movies. Howard told Arnold that he should start directing and make Ivan the star. Gary came in a short time later and told them they had to wrap up. Howard spent a few more minutes with the guys and thanked them for coming in. He congratulated the two of them on the movie and went to break a short time after that.
Today's I Was a Howard Stern Virgin was over around 11:10am.
In the clip from 1986 Howard was talking about John Stamos coming in and how good looking the guy is. Howard said John is wearing glasses that make him a little ugly. He said Judd Nelson did that the other day too. Howard said he has to get his kids on the phone to talk to John. He said they love him on Full House. John said they're big fans of his out in Los Angeles. Howard said he heard he wanted to punch him the first time he heard the show. John said he did say he wanted to smack him but not punch him. John said he heard Howard with Steve Rossi and the kid with the Cadillac and that's what made him want to smack him.
Howard said John was listening but wasn't able to turn it off. John said they were all listening and they're all addicted. He said people on the set of the show are listening. Howard said he loves hearing that because he wants to show that he's the originator of the bits people are stealing out there. John said Howard is the talk of the town out there.
Howard said one of those idiots out there is dating his ex-girlfriend. John said he never says anything negative about anyone.
Howard asked John about what it's like to walk down the street being that good looking. John said he's not sure what to say about that.
John told Robin to come out of her booth for him. Howard said that Robin was making out with Luke Perry when he was there the other day.
Howard said John was on General Hospital and then got hired for this Full House show. John told him to forget about that. He wanted to know about Robin and the guy she's dating. They spent a few seconds on that but Howard wanted to talk to him about his life. Howard asked Robin if she would be moist. Robin laughed and asked what he's talking about. Howard asked if she's aroused looking at him. Robin said she's being professional. Howard said she's not gluey at all. Robin said no.
Howard asked how he met Paula Abdul. John asked if they finished the last question. Howard said he wants to know about her. Howard said he knows she misses him because she put on 25 pounds. John said she did not. Howard said he must feel good about that. John refused to say anything negative about her. He said she just wore the wrong thing on that show they saw her on.
John said Paula didn't know who Howard was and they asked her to do an interview. Howard said they never did that to her. Howard said he's not mad at her. Howard said sometimes she screws up they point it out. Howard said he never bad mouths her though. Howard said she is going out with ''that idiot'' so that might be what she's thinking is bad mouthing her.
Howard said he has to have John call his kids. John asked if he'll be nice to Paula. Howard said he has been nice to her. He said that he's always talked about how cute she is. Howard said he's just upset that she's dating that loser. Howard said he knew John would break up with her though. He said John will never marry someone in the business. He said that John would rather have a model who is going to model but not a Paula Abdul. He said he could get her without the singing. Howard said he was in love with the fact that she was successful.
Howard said John is going to do the TV show too. John said that's because he's a fan. John said everyone thought that Howard was going to be mean to him. Howard said he's only mean if people don't come on the show. Howard said they have to call Paula after a break. He said that they have to spank her on the air. He said they'll use that as a motivational device.
John told Howard that he loved hearing Howard talking to Grandpa Al Lewis last week. He said he was laughing his ass off at that and had to pull over because he was laughing so hard in his car. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked about John talking about Roseanne Barr. He said he has a hard on for her. Robin said she saw a picture of Roseanne and Tom in the paper.
Howard said John Stamos was ''Blackie'' on General Hospital and now he's on Full House. Howard told Gary that he has to get his kids on the phone so they can talk to Jesse from Full House.
Howard said John is going to be in People magazine next week. He said he looks like Judd Nelson in that. He said today he looks like a male Cher or something. He said he is a handsome man. John said he's really not being mean to him. He said he rags on people quite a bit. John said he was told that Howard was going to nail him.
Howard said he has his daughter on the phone. He said she doesn't like being on the air though. He picked up and told Emily that it was daddy. John started talking to her and she got all shy. He asked how old she is. She was 8. Emily said she watches the show every Tuesday. Howard said they like the girls on the show and they like Uncle Jesse too. John asked Emily if she's proud of her dad. She said she is. Howard said Emily is supposed to interview her. John said he signed a picture for her. Howard told her he has a picture for her that John autographed.
Emily asked if this is really Jesse. Robin and Howard said it was. Robin told her to believe her. Emily said she'll believe Robin. Emily asked why they changed Full House from Friday to Tuesday. Emily said she was upset that they changed the time. She said they liked having sleep overs and watching. John said the ratings went up when they moved to Tuesday. John said they were number 8 in the ratings this week. Howard said John is like daddy. He's hungry for success and he will step on anyone to get a bigger audience.
John said the show is on in syndication every week so they can watch it then. Howard asked Emily to ask about his attitude. Emily said she didn't know what he wanted her to ask. Howard told her to ask about his attitude on and off the air. Emily said she would do that.
Howard asked Emily if Debra wanted to talk to Jesse. Emily called her over. Debra got on the phone and Howard told her who it was. She didn't seem to care. Howard said he'll see her when he gets home. Howard said they choke on the air. He let her go.
Howard got back to John and asked how he avoids Herpes. He asked if he wears a rubber. John laughed and said his mother is listening. Howard asked how many times he's gotten laid this week. John said he's on the celibate tour right now. Howard asked how long that has been going on. John said it's just a passing thing he said. He said it's been like 3 or 4 months. Howard asked if he masturbates. John said he's jerking off right now under the desk. Howard said he must not do that. Howard asked if he does what Pee Wee did. John laughed. He said he would fit in at Full House so well. He said they should call Dave Coulier because he'd get along with him.
Howard asked if he still talks to Paula Abdul. John said he does. Howard asked what ruined the relationship. John said the whole thing was kind of tough with photographers around all the time. Howard said he doesn't think he'll ever get married. Jon said he will. He said he'll bet him on that.
Howard asked John about this movie ''Captive'' and what that's about. John said it's a very serious piece. He plays a drugged out rapist in the movie. He said it's based on a true story. He said it's good that he's going out and doing this to get away from Full House. Howard said he really wants to talk to Paula so maybe they'll do that after a break. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and asked John if she's going to come on. John was talking to her off the air and she had just woken up. Howard said if he was still doing her then she'd do what he tells her to do. Howard said he's disappointed in her, not in John. John said he knows that he's mad at him. John said he must understand how Paula would feel after the way Howard talked about her. Howard said he didn't know her though. He said he didn't have a relationship with her. Howard said he used to like her and talked about her in good ways until she started dating that loser. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and read some faxes they got about John. He had some fake ones from Paula and Mark and Brian. Howard said John has a good sense of humor. He said he's in this new movie and he plays a serious role in this. Howard asked how he got this role. John said he was looking for a role like this. He said he went in and read for the role and got it. Howard asked if he gets electrocuted at the end of this. John said that you have to watch. Howard asked how many women he rapes in this. John said it's just one.
Howard asked John about this celibate thing. He asked John's friend Wass, who had come in, how he knows John and if he's telling the truth about being celibate. Howard asked if there are cobwebs on his penis. Wass said he dated Laurie Loughlin once. John said she doesn't even remember him. Howard asked how he got her. Wass said that he met her on a ferry. He said he met John at a night club. Howard asked if he dresses like a homeless man all the time. John said he's a biker so that's why he's dressed like that.
Howard asked John if he hangs out with other celebrities. John said he really doesn't. He said he did go to a party for Brian Wilson the other night though. Howard asked how he's doing. John said he's doing fine.
Howard said John has accomplished a few things. He went through his acting roles and then said he wants to play some bits for him. He said he knows he wanted to hear the Jeffrey Dahmer bit. John wanted to hear a couple of bits. He asked Howard to say hi to the people on the set of Full House. Howard said hi to them real quick.
Howard asked if he could come on Full House and play a child molester. He said it could be one of those serious episodes. Howard said he watches the show with his kids so he knows what the show is like. Howard said he could play the creepy mail man that DJ talks about with her Uncle Jesse. Howard said she could say that the mail man asked him to ''lick his stamp.'' Howard said Jesse could confront him and then he beats Jesse's ass. John said he loves it. Howard said then Jesse takes the mail man's stamp and wraps it around his head.
Howard asked John what he wanted to hear. John said he wants to hear the Jeffrey Dahmer song. Howard said this is sung by Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits. Howard said that it was written by Fred and Jackie. Howard played the song which was ''Don't Have Lunch with Jeffrey Dahmer'' and it was to the tune of ''Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter.''
Howard said he wanted to thank John Stamos for coming in. John thanked them for having him in. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Hot Weather Person Jillian Barberie Comes In. 4/23/01. 8:25am
Hot weather forecaster Jillian Barberie came in this morning to promote her new TV show ''The Test'' which airs on FX. Howard said that Jillian is a really hot chick but she never shuts up. When she came in she was wearing really tight, low cut Frankie B jeans. Howard said you could almost see her kooch. He checked out her ass too and said that it looked great.
Howard said that Jillian looks a lot like porn star Janine and people have actually mistaken her for Janine. Jillian said that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have mistaken her for Janine a few times. Both of them have come up to her and told her that they really enjoy her movies.
Howard told Jillian that he'd love to get behind her and do stuff to her. Unfortunately she's married. Jillian said that she really loves Howard's show though. Gary said he thinks she's obsessed with him. Jillian said that a few years ago she might have been obsessed but she's calmed down since then.
Howard kept telling Jillian that he'd like to bang her. She really talks too much and Howard said that guys will put up with it now but when she gets old and ugly no one will listen. She's 34 now and Howard told her she's got about 2 more before she hits the wall. Doug Stanhope told her that in 10 years her breasts will look like gym socks full of vomit.
The main reason Jillian came in was to ask Howard a bunch of questions like they ask on her TV show ''The Test''. They ask sexual etiquette questions and have them analyzed by a therapist to see what kind of lover you are. She asked Howard and the crew 6 questions like...
Everyone answered the sex etiquette questions and a woman from Queendom.com analyzed them during a break. Howard had her come in but he got sidetracked for a few minutes. Jillian was talking about how she had Ron Zimmerman on her show. She said that Sean Young was also on and she said that Ron was scaring her sitting across from her. That got Howard talking about how strange Ron is. He said Ron is always on AOL instant messenger trying to get laid but it never happens. Ron thinks that he can get Marisa Tomei but Howard thinks he's out of his mind. Ron apparently told Howard that the perfect woman for him would be Elizabeth Hurley. Howard would never hook up with Elizabeth Hurley. Everyone spent a few minutes goofing on the poor guy before moving on.
Trina St. John from Queendom.com gave her analysis of what's up with Howard's sex life. Howard said she's pretty cute too. She said that she's the test developer on the site. She told everyone that Howard is both naive and confused. She said since Howard said that he always makes sure he gives a woman an orgasm he's naive. She said that only 40 percent of women actually have orgasms ever time they have sex. She said he's confused because he changed a bunch of his answers a bunch of times.
Howard didn't seem all that interested in the whole thing so he got sidetracked again. They all ended up talking about hot chicks and Howard was asked who he'd rather sleep with, Pam Anderson, Heather Locklear or Carmen Electra. Howard said Pam wins every time but then he said that if he could choose between Jillian and Pam, he'd take Jillian. He knows that she's into him so it would be an easy score. He'd have to work hard to get Pam.
You can find out more about Jillian at JilliansWorld.com
Courtney Love Comes In. 9/28/98. 7:05am
Singer/Actress Courtney Love, of Hole, came in to promote her bands new album ''Celebrity Skin.'' As Gary was bringing Courtney into the studio she asked where the bathroom was. Gary pointed it out but she was right next to the men's room so she said that she'd just go in there instead. As she went in Tom Chiusano was coming out. Tom found it pretty funny. One of the interns was at the urinal and said that Courtney may have seen his penis. A minute later Courtney came in. She didn't say much about the bathroom incident since she had so many other things to talk about. Courtney was all over the place with her stories too. She was talking about dating Ed Norton and about Twiggy from Marilyn Manson's band. She dated him at one time also. Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins also came up. When Billy was on a few months ago he was complaining about not getting credit for helping out on Hole's new album. Courtney explained that Billy only spent 12 days working on the album and although he did contribute to the thing he didn't produce the album. Courtney also spoke about Marilyn Manson and Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. She went over some things that happened in her childhood and it sounded pretty scary. Her father used to give her acid when she was 4 years old! Her mother was married 4 times and Courtney lived in a shed at one point in her life. Courtney also mentioned that Drew Barrymore is one of her best friends and is the god mother of her daughter Francis Bean. Courtney is also working on the new Jim Carrey movie about the life of Andy Kauffman. Last week there was an incident where Jim Carrey injured his neck during the remake of a wrestling scene. Howard asked Courtney if it was faked. After Courtney went through a couple of other stories and explained what had happened on the set of the movie Howard concluded that the whole thing may have been done as a goof. Howard played Hole's first single off the new album and Courtney pointed out which riffs were Billy Corgan's. A few minutes later Gary came in to give Courtney some good news that she didn't know about. Her people told him that the Hole album is number 1 on the alternative charts. She was thankful but said she'd hoped to be number one on the Billboard charts. Courtney continued to talk to Howard for a really long time. Courtney says that her first orgasm came from another girl. So she has had some lesbian experiences in her life. After an hour worth of interviewing Howard said he had to take a break. Courtney begged to stay because she was having such a good time. After the break she came back for a little while longer. Howard played the next single, ''Malibu'', off the Hole album. Howard and Courtney kissed before she left.
That appearance was also the first time Leslie West was on the show. Joe talked about how Howard is like a brother off the air and then they get on the air and Howard sets you up in a wonderful way. He said the atmosphere was great though. He said Howard and Robin are great and so is Baba Booey.
After that clip they played the 1986 clip where Howard said Joe Walsh was there. Gary told Howard he had a guitar and amp with him. Howard said he's a cool dude. He told Gary to get him in there. Gary brought Joe in a short time later. Robin said they usually have to beg people to come on the show. Howard said he didn't have to beg Joe to come in either.
Howard said Joe had a tiny amp with him. It looked like it was made out of a water jug. Joe said it takes 9 batteries. Howard asked if he needs batteries. Joe said he can plug it in too. He said he just got it yesterday. Howard said he should play a Joe Walsh song. A good Joe Walsh song. Robin said they have to discuss that whole situation with him. Howard said he wants to talk about that now. He didn't want to play a record.
Howard said Joe was on their syndicated show yesterday. He asked Joe about the 19 year old he was picking up from the audience. Howard said he could have had that 19 year old if Joe wasn't there. Howard said Joe was being kind of wild. He said this really cute girl came in for the syndicated show. Howard said Joe just picked out the one he wanted. Howard said this girl had nice breasts. Robin said she thinks she wasn't wearing a bra. Joe said they're setting him up with this story. Howard asked Joe if it was a bra or a tight shirt. Joe said he doesn't remember.
Howard said Joe is a rock legend. He said Joe walked in and this girl is wearing tight jeans and boots. Joe whispered she didn't have a bra on. Robin said she knew it. She said it was just a tight shirt. Howard said Joe took her under his wing. Howard said she had some boots on and they were like pony boots. Robin didn't know what that meant. Howard said he wanted Joe. Howard said he was jealous of the girl.
Joe said he has to hook up his amp. Howard asked if he got to know that girl or not. Joe said they did go to a couple of bars. He said he ran into Steve Winwood and they went and had a couple of proper English beers. Howard asked if he had dumped the girl by then. Joe said he's not telling him the good stuff until he plays a commercial. He said there are too many people listening. Howard said they wrote a song parody to the tune of Life's Been Good. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and asked Joe to play a song. Then he asked where he met up with Steve Winwood. Joe said he bumped into him on 61st between 9th and 10th. Howard asked what he was doing down there. Joe said he wasn't doing anything. He said Steve was down there. Joe said they arranged to get together. Howard asked Joe if they drank. Joe said he didn't drink.
Howard said the 19 year old was on the syndicated show and she guessed that Joe was a mystery guest. She won the chance to spend the night with Joe. Joe said she did not.
Howard said they're going to do a song and then go to break. Howard asked Joe to do a classic. Joe said he just got this thing. He said he's not sure if they can get this. He was just messing around on the guitar. Joe wasn't sure what to play. Howard said he should do an Eagles song. Howard said he wrote ''Life in the Fast Lane'' so he should do that. They were going through some of the songs he could play and bad mouthing the band. Joe played a little bit of that song and stopped after a few seconds. Howard told him to keep going. Howard said Fred could play the rhythm part. Howard said he doesn't know the lyrics but Joe might. Joe said he knows them. He said Don Henley wrote so many of the lyrics for the song. Howard asked him to do the song. Howard said this is history being made.
Howard said he thinks that people will love hearing this. Joe started to play something other than ''Life in the Fast Lane'' and Howard said he has to beg him to do this. Howard said Joe wants him to beg. Joe said it was a little early in the morning for this. Joe played a couple more seconds of the song and then stopped again. Howard tried to get him to keep going. Howard said this takes time. He said he's going to have to beg him to get him to do this. Joe went into the song again and sang a little bit too.
Howard said he wants to do this Sodomy song. Howard sang some of the lyrics but he was doing it alone. Joe wasn't really playing along. Howard said he would sing if Joe played the music. Joe said okay to that. Joe played the song and Howard sang the sodomy song parody to the tune of ''Life's Been Good.''
Howard talked to Joe about this Farm Aid thing that he's involved with. Joe told Howard there is no money for the farmers and they're trying to bail them out for another year. Howard asked if he's friends with Willie Nelson. Joe said his road crew is friendly. He said he has met Willie a couple of times. Howard said he's friends with Dee Snider. Howard told Joe he should see Dee's wife. Howard said his wife is really hot. Joe said that's just what he needs to hear.
Howard asked Joe about what Bono from U2 is like. Howard said he doesn't think the guy is all that great. Joe said he met him once and that was it. Howard said Joe has more talent in his pinkie than Bono has in his whole body. Robin said they both have talent.
After an edited out break Howard came back and had Joe play some more ''Life in the Fast Lane.'' Howard said he really wants him to play it. Joe played some of the song. Howard sang another song parody while Joe played the song.
Howard asked Joe if he had a good time on the Syndicated show. Joe said he did. Howard said they had some fun with Joe and Clarence from the E Street Band.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what made him go on Howard's show. Joe said he didn't know. Howard said he got him that 19 year old. Joe said ''Oh yeah...'' Howard said she got to go home with Joe. Joe said she didn't get to go home. Robin said she got to go to the hotel. Joe thanked them for ruining his life.
Howard asked if they should call Steve Winwood. Joe said they can do that. Howard said it might be funny to hear Joe trying to get him on the air. Howard told Joe to come over and try getting him. Howard said they can play a commercial and they'll get the number for the hotel.
After the edited out break Joe was on the phone with Steve Winwood. He told Steve he was on the air but Howard said he's not yet. Joe said he's on now. Steve must have said yes because Howard got him on the air. Howard told him who he was and that he was on the air. He asked if he was sleeping. Steve said he's awake now. Howard asked if he had any girls with him. Steve said he didn't have any with him. Howard said this might be the last time Steve has him on an album. Joe told Steve he was sorry he did this to him. He told him to just nod and say yes and he'd be fine.
Howard asked Steve why he doesn't come on the show. Steve said he should play his album. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to talk to Steve but he wanted to get going so Howard let him go.
Howard asked who else they can call. Joe had a few more numbers. Joe said he has to call a friend of his to get a number. He said that they can try calling another friend. He said he can try to call Ringo Starr. Howard said that would be great to have one of the Beatles on the show. Howard said he really owes him. Howard said he's going to play every track of his new album when it comes out. He said they will call all of Joe's friends.
After another edited out break Howard came back and said that Leslie West from Mountain just called in and they're trying to get Ringo Starr on the show. Howard said that the show is going to run late and it's going to go right into Cope's show. Howard said he's going to get the ratings.
Joe came in and said that Ringo isn't home. His daughter answered and told him he wasn't home. Joe said he did give it a try though. Howard said they did call his house so that was cool.
Howard said he saw Leslie West perform live. Howard said he's a really big guy and his guitar looks like a ukulele because he's so big. Howard said they could jam over the phone together.
Howard called Leslie West back and said he had to ask him some questions to figure out if he was actually Leslie West. Leslie said it's really him. He said he lost 85 pounds because of diabetes. Joe said he thinks that's really him.
Howard said they really have Leslie on the phone. He sounded excited about that. Leslie told Howard that he's going to be on tour with Van Halen for a year. Howard asked if he really slimmed down. Leslie said he did. He said he lost almost 100 pounds.
Leslie told Howard he went to rehab for heroin and he's celebrating his 8th year clean. Howard welcomed him back from that whole thing.
Howard talked to Leslie for a few minutes about what he's been up to. Howard also asked if he knew Jimi Hendrix. Leslie said he played with him the night before he died. Robin said that her Jimi Hendrix poster fell off the wall the day he died. Howard told Leslie that they're going on vacation for 2 weeks but they'll have him on when they get back.
Howard said Leslie West was a great guest and just as good as Ringo Starr. Howard said they have to get out of there so they should go out with a song. Howard asked what song he should play. Howard told Joe to play normal this time. Howard asked him to play ''Rocky Mountain Way'' on the way out. Joe said they already did that one. Howard said they really didn't. Howard said this is going to be great. Howard said they should dedicate it to Leslie West. Joe went into ''Rocky Mountain Way'' after that. This time he was singing. Howard and the guys were clapping along with it. Howard thanked Joe and ended the show.
Paul Giamatti Visits. 07/19/06. 7:25am
Howard said that when Paul Giamatti did his movie ''Private Parts'' he pretty much ignored him, not knowing that he would become such a big star. He said that he was so consumed with the hot chicks on the set of the movie that he ignored Paul. Paul came in the studio a short time later as Fred played a clip of him playing Pig Virus in Private Parts and screaming about Howard Stern.
Howard said that when Paul walks in he's no longer the schlub that he used to be. He told Paul that he was kind of stand-offish with Paul when they were shooting the movie and he was the last person he was going to pay attention to on the set. Paul said that he's still that schlub and his shirts still don't fit. Robin thinks that's because he plays it up a bit.
Paul said that things have gotten better over the years and he's getting treated very well these days. M. Night Shyamalan was on the show talking about what a great actor he is since he's the star of ''Lady in the Water.'' Howard and Paul talked about the ''Private Parts'' shoot and how well they were treated over there. Howard said he had an assistant who would actually stand there and fan him to keep him cool on the set.
Paul was telling Howard that he's getting paid close to $5 million for movies he's doing these days. He didn't make that for ''Lady in the Water'' but he's doing very well with the newer movies. Paul said he only got $10,000 to do ''Private Parts'' and that was a windfall for him back then. Howard said Paul got jerked around on that movie too because he had to audition like 3 times. Howard said that Betty Thomas really liked him and knew that he could play the part.
Howard said that working with Paul was very easy because he was so good on the set. Howard brought up how Paul got to make out with Virginia Madsen in ''Sideways.'' Paul said that she even gave him permission to feel her breast and he's pretty sure he got that done in one take because he was so nervous. Howard told him about how he just touched Mary McCormack's breast when he made out with her even though the script didn't call for it. He said there was one scene that didn't even call for a kiss and he just went in and did that and felt her breasts as well.
Howard asked Paul if he got to make out with Ron Howard's daughter Bryce Dallas Howard in the movie. He said he didn't do that and he thought that she looked a little bit like her father so it was kind of strange. He said that she wore only a shirt in the movie so they were very worried about her exposing her ass during the shoot.
Howard brought up Paul's Oscar nomination and asked him if he had a speech prepared just in case he had won. Paul said he did try to prepare something but it would have been strange for him if he had won. He doesn't remember exactly what he had written though. He thought there was a chance that he could have won so he did try to prepare. George Clooney ended up winning though.
Howard asked Paul to tell them what his speech was going to be but Paul said he really couldn't remember what it would have been. Howard asked him if he was going to mention his name. Paul said that he was going to thank Howard and Betty (Thomas) in the speech. Howard said that would have knocked him on his ass if that had happened. Paul said when he did his practice speech in the mirror, Howard's name did come up. Howard said it would have been great even if he had called him ''That scumbag Howard Stern.'' It probably would have chased some people out of the event.
Paul said he blanked out when he won the SAG award because he was going to mention Howard's name in that speech too. Paul said he just forgot what he wanted to say at that event. Robin asked him if he might break down and cry at one of those events. Paul said he's not that type of guy.
Howard said that Paul is a muti-millionaire now and asked him if he's buying anything. Paul said he's got a nice apartment in Brooklyn and a house out in Los Angeles. He was telling Howard that he's got a bunch of other movies coming out and most of the movies he's done lately aren't even shot out in Los Angeles. ''Lady in the Water'' was shot in Philadelphia and he's traveled to Canada and many other places to make movies.
Paul said he's got a couple of movies coming out soon including ''The Illusionist'' with Edward Norton. Howard asked him if he's become friends with any of the celebrities he's worked with. He said he really hasn't. A lot of them ignore him like Howard did on the set of Private Parts. He said that he has had some women come on to him which is very bizarre for him.
Paul was saying that he did a movie with Michelle Williams where she gave him a blow job in the movie but that scene got cut out. Howard wanted to hear some stories about the women that come on to him. Paul said that there are extras who come up to him and give him their numbers. That kind of stuff didn't happen before he became famous. Howard asked him to talk about the most blatant moment a woman has come on to him. Paul couldn't remember anything specific.
Paul has been married for years and he's 40 years old so that kind of stuff drives him nuts now. Howard asked him when he was most tempted out of those moments. Paul said he was over in England and there was a publicist over there who had very nice skin who he was very attracted to but he didn't cave in and do anything. He said you have to release the tension from the situation and get away from it. Howard asked him if his wife would accept any dabbling around. Paul said she has told him that it might be okay but he wouldn't want to screw things up. He said he would probably have to tell his wife if he did cheat on her because he wouldn't be able to stand the guilt.
Howard asked Paul if he could take him to Scores and maybe get him a chick to rub her knee into his penis until he ejaculates. Paul said that might happen and he'd pretend like it was an accident. Howard said he doesn't see that as cheating.
Howard asked Paul how many women he's had sex with in his life. Paul said it's not that many but then said that it was 12 women. He said he didn't get married until he was 26 years old so he did have some time to mess around. Howard said that it's the male fantasy to have women handing over phone numbers and stuff like that. There are actresses and models who come on to them and it's like a kid in a candy store when it happens.
Paul said that stuff is the reason he wants to thank Howard and Betty in his speech if he ever wins an Academy Award. Howard told Paul he thinks that he will eventually crack and hook up with some chick. He said that when the famous chicks come on to him he will have to crack and bang someone. It'll be someone like Kate Bosworth or some serious actress.
Howard said he thinks that Paul will eventually get some leading man roles. Paul asked him when he's going to act again. Howard said he would like to and even told M. Night that he thinks he's better than Paul is. Paul agreed with Howard and said that he may just be better than he is. Robin asked Paul if he took any job he could before he took Private Parts. Paul said he was taking any job he could take back then.
Howard started to wrap up with Paul and told him that he's their bro and he's always welcome there. Paul thanked him for that and then Howard introduced him to Evil Dave Letterman who asked him a question about banging a woman who does in the middle of sex and if it would be wrong to continue. Then he was asking him if it's tough to deal with all of the Jews in Hollywood. Paul played along with him for a short time but Howard let him off the hook and gave him a plug for ''Lady in the Water'' as he wrapped up and went to break.
Today's I Was A Howard Stern Virgin was over around 10:55am.
Director Quentin Tarantino Comes In. 12/19/97. 7:45am
Quentin Tarantino came in to promote his latest movie ''Jackie Brown'' which opens on Christmas day. Quentin is a fan of Howard's so it's not such a surprise that he came in. He and Howard spent quite a bit of time together talking about everything from how Quentin dropped out of school at 16 to how he got his current girlfriend Mira Sorvino. Howard also read that Quentin has an IQ of 160 so he gave him a quick quiz. Quentin didn't have the answers for the questions but that doesn't make him stupid. Anyway, he had a bunch of stories to tell about growing up. He dropped out of school at 16 and just hung out. Then he worked at a video store and eventually wrote and directed ''Reservoir Dogs'' which made about $22 Million. A couple years later he directed ''Pulp Fiction''. Now, a few years later, his third movie ''Jackie Brown'' is coming out and he's dating actress Mira Sorvino. What a life.
Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla Call In. 6/28/01. 7:30am
Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla from Comedy Central's ''The Man Show'' called in to tell Howard they've inspired them to do what they've done in their careers. In other words, they wanted to kiss his ass a little bit. They told Howard how they were inspired to do radio and tried that but it didn't work out that well for Jimmy who was fired a lot after trying to be a Stern clone. Now the company Howard works for hires and syndicates all of the clones they can find and now he just doesn't care.
They also talked about how little money Comedy Central pays them. Howard then remembered his dealings with the cable channel and how they ripped off his ideas years ago.
Jimmy and Adam told Howard how they hate Oprah Winfrey and they got to see her house from the outside when they were hanging out at Ivan Reitman's house. Howard wondered how they got to hang at Ivan's house. They said they're making a movie with him and they hung out there for a day. Howard then said that they really are fashioning their lives after his. The guys joked that their movie will be called ''Private Parts 2''.
Earlier in the show Howard mentioned that he wanted to talk about the funniest news story today. He brought it up while the guys were on the phone. He said that Benjamin Bratt has left Julia Roberts after finding out she was cheating on him. Howard said the guy is smart because he was just a ''toadie'' when he went out with Julia to different events. Howard said they had pictures of Ben holding Julia's purse at the Academy Awards and places like that. Howard thought the whole thing was funny and he said he could see that coming from a mile away.
Howard also spent a little time talking to the guys about the Paula Poundstone story that he started talking about earlier in the morning. They all spent a few minutes talking about that bizarre situation. Jimmy said that his baby sitter is also Paula's baby sitter which is pretty freaky to Jimmy.
Adam and Jimmy also know Artie Lange because they had a funny situation with him a few years ago. They'd written a sitcom script before they became famous and Artie said he wanted them to run the whole show. Artie said he may have still been doing cocaine at that time so he might have been out of his mind.
TheManShow.com can be seen on Comedy Central Sunday nights at 10pm.
Former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura Calls In. 05/21/08. 7:50am
After the break Howard came right back and said that they were going to interview Jesse Ventura but he wasn't on the phone yet. Gary said that they should have him on shortly. Howard talked about Jesse and how he was the governor of Minnesota for a while. Howard said that he's heard Jesse speak a few times and he always likes what he has to say.
Howard said that Jesse wanted to get on the air one time when he was trying to get elected and he ended up on hold for hours.
Jesse was on the line a short time later. Howard said hello to him as Governor Ventura even though he was no longer the governor. Robin wondered if that works the same way as Former presidents. She said she found it interesting because she calls Clinton Mr. Clinton.
Jesse said that he's living down in Mexico for about half the year now. He said he can't take the Minnesota winters anymore after living there for so long. Jesse said that he's pretty well set these days and he loves living down there in Mexico because he's an hour from pavement and an hour from electricity. He said he's got solar power down there though so he's all set.
Howard said that he heard about Jesse being mad at him for screwing up the night before his election when he was supposed to do some campaigning. He said he left him on hold for 45 minutes and Jesse got mad at him.
Jesse said that he doesn't hate Howard but he did cost him a friendship. He said that Tom Bernard got angry that he was going to do the show and trashed him the whole time he was in office. Jesse said that just the suggestion that he was going to do the show was a negative for him. He said that it all turned out for the best because that guy was a dirt bag anyway.
Howard said that Jesse had opposed the war in Iraq right from the start and he likes that. Jesse said that he's a Vietnam vet and his parents were World War II vets. He said that he never imagined that this country would do what it did over there. He said that this is the same thing that the communists and Nazi's did.
Howard and Jesse talked about how this might be a stepping stone into Iran. Jesse said that he's angry that they're not being honest about this war and how it was all based on lies. He said that they invaded the country on the wrong premise and now they say that they have to keep going with it and that's just wrong.
Jesse was talking about Paul Giamatit's performance as John Adams in the HBO series that ran recently. He said that reminded him of what's going on today in the government. He said that he thinks that he's going to vote third party in the upcoming election. He said he can't vote Republican or Democrat at this point. He talked about how deep in debt we are at this point and what a mess things have become.
Howard asked Jesse what went wrong in Minnesota. Jesse said that his approval rating went up and down but he doesn't pay attention to that stuff. He said that he thinks that he could have run again but his wife's health went down hill and he had to take care of her. He talked about how he wrote about that stuff in his book, ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!,'' and about some other stuff about his family.
Howard asked Jesse about being in Vietnam and how he got his service medal. Jesse told the story about how that all came about and how he got the medal because he was in a combat zone for a period of time.
Howard asked Jesse if he ever got off shore to get hookers over in Nam. Jesse said that he didn't do that. He said that he did do some stuff that he didn't want to talk about in his personal life.
Howard asked how he stays dedicated to his wife. Jesse said that he grew out of that stuff and he doesn't miss the things he did when he was younger. Howard gave him a plug for his book ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!'' after that.
Howard asked Jesse if he killed anyone over in Vietnam. Jesse said that you don't talk about that. He said that he won't talk about that but he did go over and got locked and loaded over in the Philippines at one point. He said that they weren't even supposed to be over there at the time. Howard asked Jesse how many people he thinks he took out. Jesse said it was ''none.'' Howard didn't believe that but Jesse said he wouldn't tell him anyway.
Howard asked Jesse if he had an ear necklace. Jesse laughed and said he did not. Howard said he wished that he had one himself.
Howard said that Jesse admits he used steroids when he was wrestling and he likes that he admits to stuff like that. Jesse said that you almost have to do that stuff these days.
Howard brought up how Jesse was locked into a contract with MSNBC for a few years and they kept him off the air when he came out against the Iraq war. He said that they also pulled Phil Donahue's show because of that and they silenced him as well. Howard said that they're being treated like the Dixie Chicks by being silenced like that.
Jesse said that coming out against something like that is not unpatriotic like some people would have you believe. He said that they have the right to say stuff like that in this country but some people try to silence people when they do.
Howard asked Jesse what he would do if he were president and he found out Iran had a nuclear program. Jesse said that you have to talk to these people first. He said that war is just failed diplomacy. He said that he lives outside of the country now and the perception of the country isn't what it used to be. He said that he most popular t-shirt he sees down in Mexico is a picture of Bush that reads ''Weapon of Mass Destruction.''
Jesse said that he drives down to Mexico every year and the only time he gets harassed is when he comes back into the country. He said that they confiscated his dogs dog food when he came back home last year. He said that because it wasn't in the original bag, they took it from him. He said that they wouldn't take his word that it came from the U.S. and confiscated it.
Howard said that Jesse is one of the people who doesn't believe that the two planes took down three buildings. Jesse said that he did believe it until he got out of office and started looking into it. He said that he doesn't believe that the third building could fall 5 hours after the other two buildings fell. He said he's not sure what happened but he has questions about the way the towers fell. Jesse said that the buildings were built to take an airplane crash and they shouldn't have fallen the way they did.
Jesse said that he thinks that there are people who could make something like that happen. Jesse said that the fuel doesn't burn as hot as some would have us believe and it ended up collapsing the building. Jesse and Fred were going back and forth on that a little bit. Gary said that this is crazy because just because they claim that something was built to do one thing doesn't mean that they're going to stand up to it.
Jesse said that the buildings were white elephants and they weren't doing well so they could have set it up to make sure that they didn't have to spend millions on the asbestos removal and things like that.
Howard said that Jesse also doesn't believe that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gunman. Jesse said that he studied that for 20 years and he does not believe that at all. Howard asked Jesse when he first got laid. Jesse said that he had to get going after that. Jesse said that he'd like to talk to him again. Howard said that he'd like that and told him he was a good guest. He let him go a short time later.
Fred said that he had to dispute him on the Lee Harvey Oswald thing because he took the tour down there in Dallas and it wouldn't have been that hard to take the shot he took. He said that he could have killed Kennedy with a brick.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he misses Jesse there in Minnesota. Howard said that he wants to get him back on the show sometime to talk to him more. He said he's kind of jealous of Jesse and his solar house down in Mexico.
Howard said that he'd love to have time to drive to Baja like Jesse does but he doesn't think that he'd actually go there. He said that he'd be afraid of getting raped or something.
Another caller said that this was one of the most intelligent interviews ever. He said that they should have him on the show as a political correspondent. The guy thought he sounded a little bit like Big Foot though. Howard said that he really would have liked to have talked to him for another 15 minutes or so.
THoHS:A2 - Pat Cooper. 12/30/08. 10:50am
Host Jim Forbes came on and said that on June 27, 1989 Howard met the wild Pat Cooper for the first time. Howard said that he remembers hearing Pat talking about Lola Falana on some talk show. Fred said that Gary had found that clip and played it for them. Fred said that the guy sounded like he was out of his mind so they brought him on the show.
We heard from Pat Cooper who said that he didn't know who Howard Stern was back then. Pat said he didn't listen to radio back then. Pat said that he told Gary he wouldn't be able to make it that first time but he would like to go back on some other time.
Howard said that Pat was out of his fuckin' mind. He said that the guy is driven in a self destructive way and he's so angry and pissed off at the people who want to help him out. Howard said the guy doesn't give a shit and that makes for great radio.
They played a clip from that show where Pat came in for the first time. Pat was calm at first. Howard asked him where he had been. Pat said he's been out making money. Pat told Howard that he will not socialize with him because that's what he was told by Steve Rossi.
Howard asked Pat about his Lola Falana comments and what was going on with that. Pat said that she wanted him to do something for her and he didn't want to do it so he went off on her. Pat said that he stood up to this woman after that. Pat went off on some other people like Sammy Davis Jr. and others that he met out in Las Vegas in the days he was working out there. He talked about working with Tony Bennett and some others. He told Howard some stories about those days and what that was like.
After that clip we heard from Fred about the way Pat would go off on people and never back down. He said that some celebrities would back down and deny saying that stuff but not Pat. Fred said that no one was knocking Pat's door down to get him on as a guest back then but Howard found him interesting and had him on. He said that most people weren't seeing the interesting aspects of Pat but Howard found that and showed people the way.
After that we heard more of the K-Rock interview with Pat. Howard said that he likes Pat for being so honest on the show. Pat was bad mouthing people like Tom Jones. Howard had to stop Pat at one point because he was worn out from all of the stuff he was saying.
We heard a clip of David Brenner talking about how they need to have a chart that shows Howard in the center and a list of guests that are good for him. He said that Sam Kinison and Pat Cooper were two great ones for Howard. Richard Lewis also talked about how out of his mind Pat Cooper was.
Pat Cooper said that there will never be another Howard Stern. He said that in 20 or 30 years from now, there still won't be another Howard stern.
The Gossip Game With Guest Jerry O'Connell. 10/22/99. 7:50am
Actor Jerry O'Connell came in to plug his new movie ''Body Shots'' and to play the Mike Walker gossip game this morning. You may know Jerry as the chubby kid in the movie ''Stand By Me'' or from ''Jerry McGuire'' or ''Scream 2.'' He also did a few seasons of the TV show ''Sliders.'' Howard said he had him in because he claimed to have dated Sara Michelle Gellar. He wanted to find out more about that but first they played the gossip game. Howard also showed Jerry the pictures of Emily's labia from earlier in the show.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Jerry said he doesn't read the National Enquirer but he loves the game. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard tried to get some info out of Jerry about dating Sara Michelle Gellar but he wasn't talking. Howard pulled some tape of Sara saying that she was just friends with Jerry and after that Jerry wouldn't talk. He said he'd let Sara answer all of Howard's questions. Howard also went over how Jerry was discovered in 6th grade at school in New York. He was picked out of his school and went out to meet with Rob Reiner to audition for ''Stand By Me.'' At the time his mother told him he was going to meet the guy from Archie Bunker. He thought he was going to meet Carol O'Conner but when he saw Rob Reiner he said ''You're not Archie Bunker, you're Meathead!'' Howard tried to get more info about Jerry banging chicks out in L.A. but he didn't give many details. He hinted that he gets laid a lot but still no details. Howard really wanted to find out some stuff but it wasn't happening. Howard finally got around to asking Jerry about this new movie ''Body Shots.'' There are a lot of sex scenes in the movie so Howard spoke to him about that. Jerry said he had to wear a sock-type thing over his genitals during the filming. He did get to see his co-star, Tara Reed's breasts though. She wore some kind of patch over her genital area. Howard opened up today's Daily News and saw that the movie got 3 stars which is pretty good. The New York Post only gave it 2 stars though. Jerry was pretty impressed with the 3 star review though. Howard tried a few more times to get some info out of Jerry about Sara but it was useless.. Howard told him if he ever wants to get back on the show he'd better start talking.
THoHS:A3 - Roseanne And Tom Arnold. 12/30/09. 7:00am
After the break we heard a Beavis and Butt-Head show clip where Howard Stern was mentioned. That led to Jim Forbes talking about Howard's celebrity battles and how Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold were two who weren't afraid to fight back. We heard Howard talking about that fight and how they eventually straightened things out. Gary said they used to fight with Roseanne but he's not even sure why. He said they would feud back and forth and it was fun. He said it just fed them when Tom and Roseanne would fight back.
They played a show clip where Howard talked about Roseanne coming out and saying some stuff about them. Howard said Roseanne was threatening to shave his head. Howard said Kinison told him that he had never seen someone so desperate as Roseanne. He said she's always trying to get into the news with anything. He said the latest thing is that she's claiming to have had a lesbian experience.
Howard read the quote from Roseanne where she was bad mouthing him and his audience. Howard called her a fat slob and told her to think about the way she looks before bad mouthing someone else. Howard said she has to smell bad. He said every fat person he's met has a ''twang'' to them.
We heard from Tom Arnold about those days and how Roseanne would get angry over some stuff that they did on the show with Judy Tenuta. Tom said that they got upset about that kind of stuff.
They played another show clip where Howard tried to call Roseanne on the air. He had Gary make the call off the air in the studio. Gary got Tom on the air but Tom hung up on him. Howard went off on Tom when he heard that. He blamed Gary for not handling it right. Howard tried to call them himself since Gary didn't handle it right.
Howard made the call to Tom and told him he wasn't on the air. Howard said Tom was off the air and he was on the air. Howard said he had the phone up to his ear. Howard ended up hanging up on him. He said Tom started screaming so he told him he was a fat jackass and hung up. Howard said he handled it perfectly.
We heard from Tom Arnold again and he was saying they went back and forth with that stuff for a while. Then they got the divorce and Howard said whoever came on the show first would be friends with them. Gary talked about how they knew that one of them would come on because they hated each other so much. Tom was the first one to come on the show.
Gary said it's very weird to have someone that you've hated so much come on the show. Tom said he came on the show in 1994 to promote ''True Lies'' and they've been friends every since. Howard said Tom made a couple of good movies and he was able to do stand up and stuff so they turned out to be good guests. Howard said it was big of them to come on the show after all of that.
They played a show clip where they had Tom Arnold come in as a mystery guest. Howard and the guys had to try and figure out who it was by asking one question at a time. They knew it was a guy and after a few questions they figured out who it was. Fred was the one who had it figured out before anyone else. Howard said they had told them that whoever came in first would be friends with them. Howard and Robin seemed pretty surprised he actually came in. Howard told Gary to erase all of the old tapes immediately.
Howard told Tom that this was the biggest slap in Roseanne's face ever. Howard said that she has to hate him and this will piss her off. Tom said that Roseanne doesn't really hate Howard. He said they do have a strange like for each other. Howard spent a short time talking to Tom about the movie ''True Lies'' and about his marriage to Roseanne. He told Tom he thinks that he's entitled to half of her money. Howard asked Tom if he and Roseanne would get mad at him when he'd talk about them. Tom said they did get kind of upset.
After that we heard Jim Forbes saying that less than a month later Roseanne made an appearance on the show. They went into that show clip where Howard had Roseanne come in. Howard said it was very funny to have her in there. Howard said maybe Kathie Lee is around the corner. Robin said she doubts that.
Howard talked about the feud he and Roseanne had. Roseanne said she never even really heard the show, they used to get the transcripts of the show and she would find them funny. Roseanne said that Tom was the one who would get upset about what he said. Roseanne said that she was trying to be funny when she talked about the show and said that it was just a bunch of plumbers listening in their trucks. Howard said he made fun of their weight because he's not that bright. He said he doesn't have anything else to make fun of them about. Robin said that he attacked a lot of the stuff she was saying about her life. Howard asked Roseanne if they were friends now. Roseanne said she's not holding any grudge with him.
Today's I Was a Howard Stern Virgin was over around 10:55am.