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Howard started the show talking about the fake laugh he was starting the show off with. He said he noticed that Dan Neer has a fake laugh like that on Deep Tracks. Howard said he always laughs at least one time during each intro. Howard said he likes Dan and Deep Tracks. He said Meg Griffin does it too. He said maybe Dan is trying to be Meg sometimes. Howard said he'll be telling a story and he'll chuckle at himself. Howard said he's going to try that himself. Howard did some of the fake laugh.
Howard said he tried watching True Blood and he didn't like the episode. He said it was really fucking dumb. Robin agreed. She said last week it seemed okay but this week is just not good. Howard said Game of Thrones was so good and it makes you crave some reality but now it's just a bunch of people running around like lunatics. Robin said that's the way it was in the first season but now everyone is a vampire or a fairy.
Howard said the show Being Human isn't any good either. He said he's going to bail on that. Howard said he's into season 4 of The Wire and he loves that. He said the show is so good. Robin said they were talking about Stringer Bell yesterday.
Howard said Mark Wahlberg will be coming in today. He said it's supposed to be funny as hell. He said the movie is called ''Ted.'' Howard said Gary saw it and so did Richie Wilson. Howard said he normally wouldn't give two thoughts to the show but Gary said it was fantastic. He said it has Mila Kunis in it too. Gary said the movie is coming out this week. Then he said it's actually coming out June 29th.
Howard said the number one movie this week was Madagascar 3. He said that's because parents don't know what to do with their kids. He said the movie is a big deal. Robin said that Rock of Ages didn't make any money. Adam Sandler's movie didn't either. Howard said he's had two shitty movies in a row that didn't do well.
Howard said Adam won't come in because he's criticized his movies in the past. He said he never thought his movies were particularly good. He said he thinks the guy does some funny stuff but the guy is really bent out of shape about what he's said about his movies. Howard said he has seen him on award shows where he's hysterical. He said he has a lot of brilliant ideas but the movies make it seem like he's not trying all that hard. Robin said they make a ton of money. Howard said that's great. He said he knows a lot of people don't like him too. Robin said maybe he's afraid of being attacked. Howard said he's not going to attack the guy. He said he would just interview him about his life. He said he'll be fine if he doesn't come in.
Howard said people are baffled about why Sandler's movies don't do well. Gary said that the movie Grown Ups did almost $170 million. Robin said they're making a sequel to that one. Howard said he'll be back on top after that then. He said he'll be fine. Howard said he's not sure why Adam would be bothered by what he has to say. He said the guy used to do impressions of Gary.
Howard said Eric the Actor has this wrap up show and they worked out the technical glitches but it hasn't helped the quality of the show. Howard played some audio of Eric doing his thing last week. Howard said Eric doesn't realize he has a weird delivery. He said he is a handicapped guy but he doesn't hear that pause in his own talk. Howard played more audio and Eric was saying they had a sponsor for the show and it was The Viper Room. Howard said that was interesting. Howard let the audio play and Eric paused again. Howard said it was off to a rousing start.
Howard said people just write in and ask him ball busting questions. Howard said someone threw a math question at him and he got angry. Howard played that clip and Eric was asked an AGT question with some math thrown in. Eric said he's not having it. Howard said he won't answer any math questions.
Howard said Eric starts yelling at everyone about the math questions. Eric was asked another math question and he told people to stop with the math. He was also asked if he would vote this year. Eric said he will.
Howard said people wrote in about Eric whistling on the show recently and they asked him to do it again. Eric said that he won't do that because it created an issue. He said it didn't get one bit of attention from Howard and that was one of the reasons he did it. He said he was trying to get Howard's attention.
Howard said the best part is when Eric gets angry with Live with Kelly Ripa. Howard said he entered the contest to get on and they don't fly anyone in. Howard said Eric will never get chosen to be the guest host. Howard said Eric should worry about the airfare when he gets chosen. Howard got him on the line and asked him why he doesn't just wait until he gets picked. Eric said that not paying for someone to fly in is wrong. Howard said he will never get picked anyway. Howard said if it happens then they'll worry about it. Eric said they don't know if they will choose him or not. Howard said that's what he's saying. Howard said Eric would end up blowing it anyway.
Howard played a clip of Eric getting mad about the whole thing. Eric was asked about sending in a tape for the Live with Kelly contest. Eric said he was thinking about it but they don't pay for them to fly in. Howard and Robin said that if he does get picked they'll fly him in. Howard said they won't fly him on a private jet but they'll get him there. Howard said he knows that Eric is going to be looking for an oxygen tent or whatever. Eric said it's an oxygen generator. Howard said he shouldn't worry about it so much. Howard said Eric has so much free time that he could drive to New York. He said that his thought process is crazy.
Howard said he has another clip of Eric talking about Lady Gaga and Madonna. JD told Howard it's only a minute long but it feels like an hour. Howard played the clip and Eric was asked about Lady Gaga getting hit in the face in New Zealand. Eric said he did see that. Eric said she's in a war of words with Madonna too. Eric explained what he heard the reason was. He was having some trouble getting it out. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard said he was wiped out after that.
JD said there was another clip where Eric just said ''fuck you'' to someone who asked a dopey question. The question was about grunting and how it's different than clearing his throat. Eric said he didn't want to demonstrate the difference. JD was cracking up by this point. Howard said it's great, right. JD said it's really not. He said Eric is the last person that anyone would want to see on TV. Eric said that JD's geeky ass would never be on either. JD said he knows that and he's smart enough to know not to enter that contest. JD said this show really isn't a wrap up of AGT. It's more of a Q and A with Eric with a little AGT thrown in.
Howard played another clip where Eric's co-host asked some more questions and Eric got all pissed off at the questions. Howard said he thinks that these people are just trying to get under his skin. One of the questions was about going to Chuck-E-Cheese and Eric got pissed that they think he goes there. He did go back in the 90s but not lately.
Howard said that was enough of Eric. Robin said she likes that they wrap up Eric's wrap up show. She said she would like to know what Eric thought of the show. Howard said Eric said he liked the squirrel act. Eric said they only had one show last week and there wasn't that much to talk about. Howard said he knows. He said he was kind of disappointed that they only had one show.
Robin suggested taking notes for the show but Eric said that would distract him from enjoying the show. He just tries to remember stuff to talk about.
Howard was going to let Eric go but Eric had a question for Mark Wahlberg. He wanted to know if they'll do an Entourage movie. Howard said he'll ask Mark the question. He had Gary write that down for him.
Howard asked Eric if he'll make that Kelly Ripa video. Eric said he'll try to do it by tomorrow so they can play it this week. Gary asked Howard what the odds are that Eric will get picked to be on that show. Howard said it's zero. There is no chance at all. Fred played the Animal House ''Zero point zero'' clip.
Eric asked Howard if he really believes that when Kelly is a fan of his. Howard said Eric has trouble speaking and there is just no way they're going to put him on the show as a host. Gary said that any handicapped person you see on TV has an overwhelmingly good personality. Howard said Bill Cullen was on The Price is Right years ago and he was a host but you never saw the guy move. Howard said maybe Eric could get an after school special or something.
Howard said they have had some amazing handicapped people on the show. He said when Eric gets on then people hate the handicapped. Howard said that he's never seen anything like it. He said people say they don't feel bad for him at all. Howard said he sees zero chance of Eric getting on the show. He said he can't wait for that tape though. He said he should try to make it as much like the Kelly Ripa show as possible.
Eric said he has spoken to people on the phone at normal speed. Howard said he still thinks that he has zero chance. Fred threw in the ''zero point zero'' clip again. Howard said that he has to get going. He told him to keep him posting on the Kelly Ripa thing. He let Eric go a short time later.
Robin said she wants to hear him whistle. Howard said you have to see it. Howard said it wasn't his best look. The whole thing is that you have to see it.
Howard said Tiger's whole reputation is ruined now anyway. He said that Golf has turned into a whole nudnik thing. He said some dude walked on camera and interrupted and he was yanked off camera. Howard had some audio of that. In the clip Tiger was talking about his game and this guy comes on and starts making bird calls. Security pulled the guy right out of there. Gary said that Scott says it was the president of the PGA who pulled the guy off. Howard asked Gary what he was eating. Gary said it was the same thing as usual. It's just egg whites. Howard said that's probably what he should be eating. Howard said it looks like something they scraped off the bottom of a desk. He said those poor eggs are going to get mutilated by those teeth. He said all they wanted to do was grow up to be chickens.
Howard said there have been a lot of Baba Booey's thrown out during golf games. Howard played one that was kind of faint. Then he played one that was really loud and the guy yelled it out a couple of times. Robin said that's funny. Howard said there was one guy who thought they were making a Flintstone's reference with the Baba Booey so he yelled out ''Yaba Daba Doo!'' instead of Baba Booey. Robin said people used to be so respectful at these tournaments. Now they just yell stuff out.
Howard said someone sent him a clip of a lady in church who was gigantically fat. He said it was in a black church and they're singing about Jesus. He said this woman gets up to sing and she does a whole wrap about god is good and says he's good like Campbell's soup good. Howard said you can tell her whole life is about food. He said the minister is cracking up hearing her testifying. Howard said that church sounds like a lot of fun. Howard played that clip and the woman is talking about how great god is and she says that he's as good as Campbell's soup. Howard said this woman is like 1000 pounds. Howard had the guys show what the woman looks like so Robin could see her. Howard got a laugh out of that one. Howard made up his own things about how god is great like Tony the Tiger great.
The woman starts talking about more food in the clip. She says she needs help when she eats foods. Howard said the guy behind her is a skinny preacher type and he's trying to get involved. He's trying to talk while she's doing her thing. She's was thanking Jesus and Howard thought she was saying ''Thank you cheese.'' Gary said she's saying ''Mac and cheese.'' Robin said he had to be kidding. Howard played the clip again and she really was saying Mac and Cheese. Howard said you know she's eating a ton of food.
Howard said the preacher ruins it when he takes over. Howard played more of the audio and said the guys in the audience are wondering how anyone can fuck her. Howard said the preacher is trying to get involved because this woman is tearing up the congregation. Howard said this is fun and he could watch her do this for a half hour.
Howard said there's a lot of crazy shit going on in the name of religion. He said the big thing now is to gay bash. Howard said he's been playing these tapes all along but he has more. He said he has this one pastor saying that they have to kill all of the gays. Howard played that one next. The pastor was saying that being gay is just as bad as being a womanizer. Howard said he likes the way the guy takes a break and waits for that to sink in with the people there. Robin said he has to let it sink in because those people who go there are so slow.
Howard said this pastor is really disgusting looking. Howard said he probably couldn't get a man. The pastor then says kill them all is what he thinks but he knows that violates scripture. Howard said this would be fun for him at church too.
Howard played another pastor talking about killing the gays. In that one the guy was saying that if you are a homosexual the you must be put to death and the government should be doing it. Howard said this is all getting through to kids.
Howard said he has a clip of a 14 year old kid talking about that. He said the kid sounds like a little Rush Limbaugh. Howard played that clip and this kid is saying that homosexuality is a belief and it's not built into a person. Howard said he really sounds like Rush Limbaugh. The kid was saying that a person is not born that way. He said it's a decision. Howard said there's nothing like being told about the world by a 14 year old. He said he loves hearing from 18 year olds how the world should be set up. He said they're just spoiled rotten kids.
Howard played more audio of the 14 year old and he was talking about how they have about 30 homosexuals in his community. He said he knew some of the kids and he was friends with them. He said he knew them in elementary school and in middle school and they were not homosexuals. He said they just decided all of a sudden to be gay. The kid said they're being encouraged by President Obama. He said that it gets better. Howard said this kid looks really bad. He said he won't get any pussy for a long time. Howard said he has no idea what's really going on. He said next week he's going to count how many girls give oral sex.
Howard said this kid is doing a Rush Limbaugh impression. Robin said it's a mix of Rush and those ministers. Howard said he'll end up living in Palm Beach. The kid said he's not for bullying homosexuals. Howard said it sounds like he's bullying them now. Howard said the kid has a slogan and a chair just like Rush. He said he has a CC logo and a saying that says ''Truth for the Youth.'' Robin said his parents obviously have money. Howard played a couple more seconds of that and then went to break.
Howard said Mark is in the movie ''Ted'' and he heard that Gary and Richie Wilson really loved the movie. Howard said Mark looks relaxed and confident. Howard said the amazing thing about Mark is that he does well with the movies he does. His last movie was ''Contraband'' and that did well because they kept the budget low. Howard asked if he is locked up now with his marriage. Mark said he's glad that he doesn't go out. Howard said he felt that it must be difficult now that he's married. Robin was laughing and Mark asked where she is. Howard said he keeps her locked up somewhere.
Howard asked Mark how he's able to keep his marriage together and keep his eye from wandering. Mark asked if he wants advice. Mark said he is married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. Howard agreed. He said there's still temptation out there. Mark said he's very lucky and fortunate. He said he's the luckiest guy in the world. Howard asked if religion helps. Mark said it does. Howard asked if he goes to church every day. Mark said he does get down on his hands and knees and prays every day. Robin asked what else he prays for. He has everything. Mark said he prays and thanks for what he has.
Howard asked if this is new for him. Mark said he strayed away from church for a while but he would get into trouble and go back. He said the great thing is that god is very forgiving.
Howard asked if he brings all of the kids to church. Mark said he doesn't make them go every day. He said he doesn't want them to hate it.
Howard asked Mark about someone who said that he wanted to fuck Mila Kunis. He said he thought Mark wanted to kick that guy's ass. Mark said that he did want to do that. He said the guy was an older guy and he shouldn't have done that. Howard asked how he gets out his aggression. Mark said it depends on what he's doing for work.
Howard said he heard that Mark is going to get his diploma. Mark said he did drop out in 9th grad so he's going back to that grade and doing it online. He said that things were tough when he was a kid. He said he was smoking cigarettes in the house at the age of 12. He said that he had to go out and get a job at 12. He said he was bagging groceries at that age. Howard said he's always been a hustler. Mark said he really has.
Howard asked Mark how he got to where he is if he was so lost back then. Mark said he had a lot of love in his family. Howard said Mark wouldn't let his son drop out. Mark said he wouldn't. He said that he's going back to school so his kids can't say that he dropped out and why can't they. Howard asked Mark if it's difficult to get attention in a house full of 9 kids. Mark said that he doesn't think about that. He said Howard thinks too much about that. He said he's focused on his career and he's looking at the future.
Howard asked Mark how he looks at the future for his kids when he was so screwed up as a kid. Mark said they have therapists who help them with the kids and things like that. Howard said he thinks that it requires a lot of work. Mark said that's why he doesn't go out at night anymore. He said he goes to bed at 8 like Howard does. Howard said he heard he doesn't masturbate anymore. Mark said he has no reason to. He said he may have to go do that while thinking about Howard after the show today.
Mark said he has to go out and succumb to Howard to promote this new movie. Howard said he heard it's really good and he will promote it. Howard said he thinks they could have a monster hit with it. Mark said the concept sounds ridiculous but after reading the script he got Seth MacFarlane's concept and it's great. He said his wife thought it was going to ruin his career until she saw the first cut of the movie. He said she was cracking up during the whole thing.
Howard said that all movies that do well these days are cartoons and super hero movies so it must be tough to decide to do a movie like this. Mark said there are some people who make decisions on a simple formula. He said he wants to do something different every time he goes out. He said that he thinks that he does things that people want to see him in.
Howard asked Mark if he reads a script like 50 times before deciding to do it. Mark said he reads it once. He said once he commits he will read it a bunch of times. He said he's going to be working on a movie with Denzel Washington and he read it out loud like 6 times on the way there.
Howard said Eric the Actor wants to know if they're making an Entourage movie. Mark said that they are. He said Doug Ellin is working on it now.
Howard asked Mark about how much he made doing Contraband. Mark said you can make good money. He wasn't saying what he made on that one but Howard kept digging. Mark told Howard that he has some nice teeth. He said he fixed them up a big. Howard said he has bad teeth. Mark said he wanted to see more. Howard asked to see his abs. Howard said his teeth aren't real.
Mark asked Howard why he didn't make another movie after Private Parts. Howard said he's a radio guy. He said he is doing well in radio. Mark said that it's crazy and he had to sign a fucking release to come in the studio. Robin asked if he has to do confession because of the constant cursing. Mark said he doesn't have to do that. He asked where Robin was but no one was telling him that she's doing the show from home.
Mark told Howard that his kids think that they can go to see his movie since there's a Teddy bear in it but he told them they really can't see it. Howard asked about the kids and how he's going to have the drug conversation with them. Howard wanted him to run it by him to hear what he was going to tell them. Mark just laughed.
Howard asked Mark if he thinks that the parents of the kids at school say they have to get over to the Wahlberg's house so the parents can get in. Mark said they don't do that. He said he doesn't have overnight stays or anything at his house. He said that it's a liability.
Howard asked Mark about this movie ''Ted'' and if it's for kids. Mark said it is rated R. Howard said people can get confused by the Teddy bear thing. Howard asked what you tell people. Mark said he thinks that people seeing the trailer is what brings people in. He said that he goes based on the material. Howard asked if he thinks Tom Cruise is a fool for doing Rock of Ages. He said it tanked. Mark said ''Did it?'' Howard said Mark knows that it tanked. Mark said he knows what the matinees were doing on Friday. Howard said of course he did.
Howard asked Mark if he's going to know how the movie is going to do. Mark said he knows before most people know. He said the movie is tracking very well right now.
Howard asked what kind of blow jobs the studio gives him if the movie is a hit. He wanted to know if they'll just give him a car. Mark said he has a lot of things in development. He said they have figured out a way to make movies for less money. He said they made The Fighter for $11 million and it made over $140 million at the box office. He said that you take less up front and it makes sense for everyone. He said he just wants to be able to keep making the movies he wants to make.
Mark said there's a fight scene in Ted and he thought it was ridiculous. He said that it's one of the most talked about scenes in the movie. He said he thought that maybe he didn't know what was good. he said he just goes with his gut.
Howard asked if there is nudity in the movie or is it violence. Mark said the Teddy bear does a lot of things like smoking weed and doing coke. He said the bear bangs hookers and a cashier at the super market and even Norah Jones. Howard asked if Mark shows anything in the film. Mark said he shows his ass. Howard asked if he has a nice ass. Mark said he doesn't know. Howard told him to pull down his pants and show him. Howard asked if Mila Kunis is nude in it. Mark said she is not. Howard asked if he did a love scene with her and didn't get an erection. Mark said it's not that kind of film and they didn't do a love scene.
Howard asked Mark if his wife is reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Mark said she is reading it. Howard asked if he ties up his wife like they do in the book. Mark said he doesn't do that and he doesn't ask. Howard said he asked and his wife laughed at him.
Howard asked Mark about this restaurant that he and his family opened up. Mark told Howard that one brother is a 5 star chef and they opened up a restaurant. He mentioned his brother Donny too. Howard asked where he's been. Mark said he's out on tour with New Kids on the Block. Howard asked if he was jealous of his brother. Mark said he's not upset that he waited to do his own thing. He said he wasn't jealous of his brother. Mark said he got out of jail and did his album and then did a modeling thing for Calvin Klein because they said they were going to promote his album. He said that turned out to be a lie. Howard asked if he banged Kate Moss. Mark said he didn't. He said that she wasn't his type. He said that she's a very nice woman though.
Howard said Mark went from being in jail to making very good decisions in his life. Mark said he is blessed and very thankful for that. Howard asked Mark if he shows up to a church and has people going nuts. Mark said most times they don't know who you are. Howard said he has to be very recognizable. Mark said they think that you're familiar but they can't place you.
Howard asked mark what he's most proud of in his life. Mark said he has been very fortunate with his movies. Howard asked if Ted is the best. Mark said for what it is it is the best comedy he's ever been associated with. Howard asked if Seth went to him first. Mark said he's not sure about that.
Howard said that In Treatment is a great show. Mark said they have a lot of good stuff in the works. He said they're working on Boardwalk Empire and he saw a new episode and it's great. He said Tim Van Patten is a great director. Howard asked how he puts all of this together. He said HBO must be way into him. Mark said they have a specific thing they want to do and they won't do just anything. Howard asked how he finds a thing like Boardwalk Empire. Mark said that they owned the rights to Boardwalk Empire and they brought that to Martin Scorsese. He said they both have the same management. Mark said that he talked Marty into doing the show. Mark said he went to the set of Shutter Island to talk to him about it.
Howard asked who makes the decision to cast Steve Buscemi in it. Mark said it was down to Marty and Terry. Howard said you don't think he's going to be a great lead guy but he turned out to be great. Mark said that they want stars in some roles but Steve is one of the great actors of all time. Howard said you'd never expect a guy like that to be in the lead. He said he feels he could beat up Buscemi. Mark said he thinks he's just a great actor and there's nothing he can't do. Howard said he's shocked that he was the first choice. Mark said some other names were thrown around. He said Alec Baldwin was one of the names. Howard said he can see him in that role. Mark said he may have been tied up with 30 Rock at the time.
Howard asked if they asked Buscemi to audition. mark said absolutely not. He said they know he's a great actor. Howard said they just went on their gut instinct then. Mark said he's one of the great living actors.
Howard asked Mark if he has to audition. mark said he'll offer to do it. He said if they wanted him to do it then he would. Mark said one guy did ask him to do it but he didn't do it. Mark said the movie is coming out this Christmas and he was asked to do it for just about no money. He said he had to turn it down. He said it's not tasteful to say what movie it was on the air. He said he'll tell Howard off the air. He said he doesn't want to give them the promotion. He even added ''Fuck 'em.''
Robin was trying to ask Mark a question but he was confused by her not being there. Howard said she's ill today and she's home doing the show via ISDN line.
Howard asked Mark about this The Wahlburger restaurant and where they are. Mark said they have one in Massachusetts and they're doing a docudrama about building the business. He said they're also supposed to expand soon. He said that it's not all about him. He said it's a real business and his brother is involved in it too. Howard asked if he loves being busy like this. Mark said he has an exit strategy and he would like to make so much and then walk away.
Mark said he would rather talk to Howard about this at Nobu at 5 tonight. He said he and Howard are very much alike in that way. He said that they go when they're still setting up the tables.
Howard asked Mark what he really wants to do. Mark said he wants to spend more time at home and work from home. He said he's working with GNC on a health and wellness thing. He said that he partnered up with GNC and he wanted the best supplements that they could come up with. He said they have all of it. Mark said he did a body building movie and he put on 40 pounds for that. He said that he did that in 9 weeks using these formulas. He said you have to exercise and eat of course.
Howard said he diets to lose weight. Mark said he has to lose another 10 himself. He said he lost 20 of the 40 he put on. Howard asked what he's lacking with his work out. He said he benches 95 pounds does 10 reps. Howard asked what Mark is benching. Mark laughed. Mark said when he stopped working out he was doing 335. Howard said he's never done that. Robin said that's what's called ramping it up. Mark said that it all depends on what you want to do. Howard asked if he ever took steroids. Mark said it's not good for you. He said he never took juice. Mark swore to the good lord that he didn't do that. He said it's not good for you. Howard said he put shit in his body that wasn't good for him. He said he's thinking about taking the juice now.
Mark said there's this whole thing about HGH. He said he read an article in Vanity Fair about that and people think it's like the fountain of youth but it can't be good for you.
Howard asked Mark if he would do Botox. Mark said absolutely not. He said if he can be Robert Duvall in 40 years he'd be more than happy. Howard said guys try to look good to stay the leading man. Mark said he would like to own a studio in 15 years and not have to be in the movies. He said he would like to be out of the public eye by then.
Howard asked Mark what this GNC stuff is called. Mark said it's called Marked. He said the health and wellness thing is going to be huge. He said that it's a multi-billion dollar industry.
Howard asked Mark about making comments about other stars and how he gets into trouble. Howard said he said he has to be careful about what he says. Howard said he said he didn't want to see a Sarah Jessica Parker movie or something. mark said he didn't like the second Sex and the City movie. He said that he loves Sarah though.
Howard asked Mark what he thinks the biggest mistake was for a star doing a movie. Mark said he's made some poor decisions himself. He said he never goes in thinking that the movie is going to suck. He said he has done a couple that weren't great. He said Planet of the Apes wasn't all that great but he had a great time working with Tim Burton. Howard said he liked that movie. Mark said it didn't work. He said The Happening wasn't all that great either. He said that nothing really happened. He said they remade Charade too and that wasn't all that great. He said the studio released it as an art film so they were nice that way.
Howard asked Mark how he handles a failure. He said he knows it has to be hard to deal with. Mark said you just take it on the chin and move on. Mark said he has had some real hardships in his life. He said he had to go to jail. He was in for a couple of months at 17. He said he was like 5'2'' and 110 pounds at the time. He said he took a plea deal and he could have ended up going for 2 years. He said he took the short time in corrections.
Mark said he did a lot of dumb things as a kid. He said he was drunk and crazy so he had to go to jail for it. Howard said he is an angry guy. Mark asked why. Howard said to assault someone and punch them out is tremendous anger. Mark said Howard doesn't get where he's from. Howard said where he came from was a picnic compared to where he came from. Howard said he grew up in Roosevelt, Long Island. Mark said he's thinking of the Hampton's when he hears Long Island.
Howard asked Mark why he beat this guy up. Mark said they robbed a store and they hit a guy from behind trying to steal some beer. He said they ended up in a melee and he ended up getting arrested.
Howard said he isn't a good fighter himself. Howard asked Mark if he had to fight in prison. Mark said of course he did. He said he was in the holding tank and he was getting into it already. Howard asked if anyone tried to give him an ass raping. Mark said that didn't happen. Howard said he'd be blowing every guy in prison if he was in there.
Mark told Howard he was in the holding tank and some guys are going to prison for 20 years and some are going to trial. Mark said he was dressed up in dress shoes and nice clothes. He said his mom gave him some cigarettes and a lighter. He said he lit up and a kid came up to him and tried to light up for him. He said the guy took the lighter out of his hand and put the lighter in his pocket. Mark asked for the lighter back and then someone hit him from the side so he started fighting. He said the guards ripped him off and smashed him against the bars. He said he was driving from jail to going to Deer Island. He said the guy was telling him he was going to kill him. He said that the other guys were being aggressive. He said they got to the jail and grabbed his lighter. He said he got to the infirmary and when he was there two of his friends came in and brought him some Twinkies and stuff. He said that they asked if anything was going on and he told everyone everything was good. He said that needed it right there. He said he ended up in the cell with the guy who took his lighter. He said he was a new man and there was a guy who had breasts who was in protective custody. Mark said his cell mate ended up getting a blow job from the guy with breasts and he had to tell him not to do that in front of him. He said he did have a lot of friends in jail so he had some protection. He did have to fight some though.
Gary came in and told Howard that Mark had to get going. He was on his way over to the Today show. Howard said that Mark's new movie is ''Ted'' and Gary loved it. Howard read a note from Gary about how he almost pissed himself in the movie theater. Howard said that his guys know funny because they think he's funny. Howard said he's congratulating Mark ahead of time for this movie.
Mark said there's more of a story there than just him and the bear. He said that it would get boring if it was just him and the bear.
Howard gave Mark a plug for the GNC supplement line too. Howard said he would like to go to dinner with him again. Howard said Mark was weird with him at the wedding they were both at. Mark said maybe he had something going on with his wife. Howard said Mark is doing just fine and she's lucky to have him. Mark said he's lucky to have her. Howard said he thinks that Mark is fine at Nobu with him but not at a wedding where he'll be seen. Howard gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
The caller asked Howard about AGT and if he as some stray white hairs going on. Howard said he has some grey hair. He said he's 58 years old and it's a miracle that he has dark hair. He said it's like the 8th wonder of the world. Howard said people say he wears a wig or has implants but he doesn't spend a minute doing any of that.
Howard said that he has audio of Evil Dave preparing to come on the air last week. He had some audio of him coughing and making weird noises into the microphone. Howard said this was unedited too. Dave was making all kinds of strange sounds and coughed. Howard said he also got distracted and Dave asked where they got the chips. Howard said they got them at a store. Howard played audio of Dave eating the chips and making even more noise. Howard said he eventually got down to practicing his lines. He wasn't able to get Ronnie's last name right. He also had some trouble with the word ''Skype'' and said ''skip pipe.'' Howard said he screws up every line he reads.
Howard played some audio of Dave getting ''143'' wrong and screwing up some other lines. Howard said the rehearsals go on forever. Howard played a few more and couldn't believe what he was screwing up. Howard said maybe he's dyslexic or something. Howard asked Gary if they've ever figured out what's wrong with the guy.
Howard said he was just trying to bring them behind the scenes a little bit. Gary said maybe they should IQ test him. Howard said he thinks it's about 85. Howard said he'd guess he's lower than Wendy and Bobo. Howard said we'll have to see.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on the Eric the Actor wrap up show. He said the mic picked up that he can't say more than 5 words without taking a breath. Howard said they did notice that.
Howard said people are upset about Mayor Bloomberg stopping the ''stop and frisk'' law. Howard said there's a block in Harlem where they have it gated and a cop on duty and people are upset about it. Howard said there are people who pay millions to live in gated neighborhoods. He said that they don't have any crime going on there but they're upset about it.
Howard said that Maria Menounos was on the show the other day and she says ''No-wah'' so Richard and Sal called a guy by the name of Noah. Howard played the clip and Richard and Sal had Maria saying nothing but ''No-wah.'' The guy stayed on a really long time but eventually hung up.
Howard said that Maria was on the show talking about how she was abused by doctors and things like that. Howard said that there were some women on a show called Windy City Live who ripped her apart for talking about that. They were ripping her apart about her laugh and about how strange the story was about being molested. They were also talking about how Maria likes to be choked during love making.
Howard said these people are attacking her for talking about the doctor being inappropriate with her. He said it's like they're saying that if you're sexual then you should accept things like that. Howard said these people are maniacs. One of the hosts said that she should just go to female doctors. Howard said they just don't get it. He said he was flabbergasted by this conversation.
Howard said if you go to the doctor with a throat problem and the doctor tells you to get naked you don't know if they're going to do a full examination or what. Howard said they're like throwing rocks at her for it.
Howard said no one tells him anything. He said no one memos him about what shows are going to be on. He said it must be soon that they show the Las Vegas stuff. He said the live shows start soon. He said that you can get tickets at MyAGTTickets.com
Howard said whenever he tunes into AGT they're playing that LMFAO song. Howard played some of the song and said that's his theme song.
Howard asked if those guys are white or black. He said he's not sure. Howard said this is the most vapid song ever.
Robin said she can't tell what they're going to be doing tonight. It just says they continue looking for the best talent.
Howard said the guy who is lying about his military service is being sent to Afghanistan by the AGT producers so he can do what he claims he did.
Gary said that they say that tonight is a bunch of various auditions from around the country. He said they'll start the Vegas shows next week.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he's interested in seeing the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter movie. Howard said it might be vampire overkill lately. He said he's not excited about it at all. Mark mentioned that he had met someone at a show he went to and he mentioned her earlier when he called in. He said he was just trying to get something going.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get Miss Howard TV in there. He said her name is Amber. Howard said he has a bunch of tapes to play too. He said he has some good Wolfie at Comic-Con clips. He played one where he talked to a guy in a mask. Howard said he has more and he'll get to that later.
Howard asked how old she is. Amber said she's 21. She said that she wanted to be a teacher but she has such great tits that she wanted to show them off. Howard said they're real too. She said she's a double D and they're real.
Howard asked Amber how she gets the word out about her web cam business. She said she just has to be cool. She said you just have to be JustAmber.
Howard said that Amber has to be able to talk to guys to get them to her cam business. Amber said she has never watched any of her videos. Howard played some of her sex talk from her web cam thing. Amber said she started doing phone sex but she laughed and they fired her.
Howard asked Amber how tall she is. She's 5'7'' tall and weighs 117 pounds. Howard said when she hit 18 all of the guys must have come on to her. She said that she still feels very timid. She said she still doesn't feel like she can win over every guy she wants.
Howard asked Amber how much she can make doing her web cam thing. She said you can make $100,000 if you're good. Amber didn't know where Robin's voice was coming from when she spoke. Howard said maybe Gary should explain to them ahead of time.
Howard asked Amber about making over $10,000 a month doing the web cam thing. Amber said she has regulars who help support her every month. Amber said she does private stuff and public. She said that guys just throw her gold coin. Amber said that guys will throw her 5,000 tokens and that's worth about 500 bucks. She said that a lot of guys like to watch and they don't pay. She said that some guys pay her big money and they let the other guys watch instead of taking it public.
Amber said she had a guy who paid her $300 to just stand there in a bikini. Amber said that she had a guy who paid her 12,000 tokens for doing nothing. She said she was just making him happy. She said that's worth about $1,200.
Howard asked Amber if it's true her mother encouraged her to get into this business. Amber said that's true. She said that her mom knew she didn't want to work for someone so she thought this was a good idea. Amber said her mother didn't' want to come up there with her. She said she probably didn't have enough Xanax.
Amber said she still lives at home and her mother and father know where she is all the time. She said her dad is blind and he's still living at home with them but her parents are divorced. She said that he was in an accident and his optic nerve just quit working. Howard asked if it could be a psychological thing. Amber said it's not but they think it could come back with stem cell research stuff that they're doing now.
Howard asked Amber if her family depends on her to support them. She said they live on a farm and she just supports the vacations and stuff. She said she has an older sister and she comes on the cam with her. She said she'll show her titties. She said her mom will come on at times too.
Howard said that the whole family gets on and shows their titties. Amber said she sees her mom all the time. Howard said he wishes that his mom had started a web cam business. He said he wouldn't have to be there every day.
Howard asked Amber what else she does. Amber said she makes fuck videos and she used to sell those. Howard asked if she goes on dates with these guys. Amber said she has gone on dates with guys but she won't have sex with them. She said they just go out. She said that guys offer her money all the time. She said one guy offered her $50,000 to have sex and she turned that down.
Amber said that she was asked to do real porn but she can't do it. She can't just fuck random guys. Howard asked if she can pass this web site down to her kids some day. She said that she hopes to be able to do something like that.
Howard asked Amber what her day consists of. Amber said she does her web cam thing and she likes to use glass toys on herself. She said she also likes to touch herself all the time. Howard noticed that and pointed it out. Howard said she's very sexual. Robin said she'd like to see her and her mother and sister touching themselves.
Howard said that you can see amber on ImJustAmber.com. Howard said her dad must hear her doing her thing. Amber said they can hear her in the house sometimes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she's just a money grubbing redneck. He said he knows her personally and she's just waiting for some rich guy to come around. Howard asked if that's the case. Amber said she supports herself just fine and she does smoke pot all day. The caller asked how she's going to do this when she gets all old and wrinkly. Howard said maybe she'll have a guy who lives her by then.
Howard said he wants Amber to represent them the best way she can. Amber said she will. Howard said you can check her out on Howard TV all month. He said you can also check her out on ImJustAmber.com.
Howard asked Amber who she's going to vote for this year. She said she'll vote Romney. She said she's fiscally conservative but publicly liberal. Howard spent another minute talking to her about that and then let her go. Howard said she has a beautiful tukas. He noticed that as she was walking out.
Howard had Amber come back in and asked if her mom works the camera for her. Amber said she just sets it up on her computer. She said that her mom will film her videos out in the parks that they go to. She said that they will go to a state park and film out there. Howard said that must be weird. Amber said that she and her mom went out to L.A. together and they got high together. She said that her mom is a hippie stoner. Howard asked if she ever tells her no. Amber said she has told her not to ride the Sybian. She does tell her no all the time. Amber said her mom needs to get laid. She said she needs to get her someone.
Amber said her mom is 46 and she loves her mom. She said she has never seen her masturbate but they have talked about it. Amber said she was going to have a web site where it was going to be her and her mom. She said she won't do anything with her mom though.
Howard asked Amber if she would do a masturbation thing side by side with her. Amber said she doesn't need money that bad. She won't do it with her sister either. Robin asked why Amber is the star. Howard asked if the sister isn't as hot. Amber said that's not it at all. She said that she just got divorced so congratulations to her.
Howard asked Amber if she was forced to do it with one of them, which one would it be. Amber said it would have to die herself. She said she knows a dead person and she is going up to Buffalo to visit. She said the guy she lost her virginity to is dead in Buffalo so she's going to visit him today after the show.
Howard thanked Amber for coming in. She said she really likes Howard's eyes. Howard thanked her for that and let her go.
Howard said his family is really boring. He said amber is going to visit a grave in Buffalo. He wondered if she was going to masturbate on the grave. Howard said she does masturbate in front of her mom. That's pretty odd.
Howard said he has another clip of Shuli's mom reviewing AGT but he's going to save that for tomorrow. He did a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard came back and Fred was playing a Baba Booey song parody. Howard said everyone loves that song. Howard said he was telling Robin earlier about this book ''Getting Things Done'' and he has zero email in his inbox. He had over 2000 emails in there and now it's zero. He said he has them in different folders and he's so organized now. Howard said he's addressing this stuff 2 and 3 times a day. He said that he's taking care of everything and the book teaches you how to do it.
Howard asked Jon Hein how he does things. Jon said he keeps on top of things but Howard told him he was doing some things wrong. Benjy said he's really bad with his email. Howard said he deletes a lot of his email. He said he is on a mad ass tear.
Jon asked Howard how he got through the 2000. Howard said he just deleted a lot of the stuff. He said it was all nonsense. He said the woman he sat down with from Getting Things Done told him to just unsubscribe from some stuff. He said he's on a mad tear and he loves it.
Howard said that he's giving David Allen and company a big endorsement. Howard said there's going to be a lot of change around there. He said everyone should get ready around there.
Benjy asked how to do some of this email sorting and how he does some things. Howard told him how he separates his email and how the system works for him. He said he's a well oiled machine. Howard said he has 10 folders that he sorts into. Howard said he just gets the stuff done and that's it.
Howard said this woman helped turn his life around. He said that he kept putting off his doctor's appointment and this woman just told him to do it. Howard said he did it and now he'll do stuff like that from now on. Howard said he may have her visit Gary's office to look over what's going on with his Post-It notes. Gary said he's loving the idea. Howard said he told her he's going to have her visit Fafa Fooey.
Howard said they had coverage of Lisa G's Sweet and Meet. He said it bothered him to see it. He said he knows no one is forced to go but it feels weird that people paid $100 to get some cupcakes and walk around. Howard said he knows he could do 50 different things that would make people feel they got their money's worth but he wouldn't do that to them. Howard said Lisa did give the money to charity. He said the whole thing was odd. Robin said that defeats the whole purpose of the thing. Howard said Benjy showed up and made an appearance. Howard said Elisa has some talent but Benjy is the goofball.
Howard said Benjy sang something with Elisa and then got up and sang the names of the people in the audience. Robin sighed and Benjy asked why that would disgust her.
Howard played some audio of Benjy singing with Elisa and said that it's not fun and it's not funny. Benjy said it was fun. Howard said this was awful. He said that Elisa has talent but Benjy just can't sing. He said it's like Elisa is giving him singing lessons. Howard played another clip of Benjy and Elisa singing a song together and Benjy seemed like he didn't know the lyrics. Howard said it's like they're acting out their love life on stage. Howard said Benjy is just awful.
JD told Howard that Benjy stops singing and just starts screaming at one point. Howard played the rest of the clip and heard the screaming. Howard said at least they put on a show.
Howard said Lisa's event was the oddest. He said that she got up and said hi and thanked everyone for coming and then acted interested in the people. He said it was just kooky. Howard said that's why he gets disgusted with people for showing up and charging people for their autographs. Howard said Lisa sees things differently than he does.
Howard said he had audio of a woman who was upset with Lisa's party. Howard said he doesn't have tape of anyone upset with Benjy. Benjy said his event was free. Howard said that's true.
Howard played the audio of Jon Leiberman interviewing a woman about the Lisa G party. She said she felt she was ripped off. She said that they didn't even have air conditioning there. Howard said it was for charity. Robin said it wasn't initially. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard mentioned that Lindsay Lohan was found non-responsive in a hotel room. He said they say she was working for 2 days straight on this Elizabeth Taylor movie. Howard said he's never heard of a movie like that. He said they always take breaks. Howard said that Mark Wahlberg took his shitty life and turned it into something and this Lindsay Lohan can't do that. Howard said this woman can't get a story straight. He said no movie works for 2 days straight. Robin said she claimed there was nothing to drink on the set. That's bull too. Howard said he was going to skip the story about the guy who broke into a barn and fucked some animals.
Robin read a story about a guy who was arrested for the fourth time for having sex with a Teddy bear in public. Howard said he knew a guy who would fuck his pillow. He said the guy built his own vagina out of a pillow. He said he never got into that. He said his hand was fine. He said he's proud of himself for never doing that.
Robin read a story about Scarlett Johansson where she was asked if she was a role model to other women. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said Richard Christy told him he had a friend who would fuck a crease in his leather couch. Richard used to fuck a paper towel roll. Richard came in and said he went 10 years without getting laid so he had to do something. He said it was the creepiest thing ever. He said he was living in a storage unit at the time. Richard said that his friend would fuck the couch and he'd blow a load inside the couch. He said it was his parent's couch too. He said he'd leave his load in the couch. Howard went right into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how much it costs to raise and educate a child in today's world. Robin said you have to think about that before you have kids.
Howard talked about how bad things are over in Greece right now. He said they can't afford kids so people are leaving the kids in orphanages. He said that they're middle class people and they just can't afford to take care of the kids.
Robin read a story about Pat Monahan saying that he worries about what his kids are going to think about his songs. Pat says he asked his 14 year old daughter about using some lyrics in one of his songs. He asked if he could call her mom a ''bitch'' in the song. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin mentioned Father's Day and Howard said he got a bunch of Father's Day emails over the weekend. He said that he got a group hug from Doug Hurwitt. He said that was kind of weird. Fred said he sent one to Gary and Jon Hein. He said he knew that Howard would get pissed if he sent one to Howard. Benjy said it seems effeminate to him. Howard said it does seem like something a woman would do.
Robin said that Tim Tebow had a group get together where he talked about his Dad and how great he was. Howard said he hates the guy already and he hasn't even started playing in New York. Howard said he should just shut up about the religion stuff. He said he can do what he wants but leave everyone else alone. Howard said his dad taught him nothing. He said he did teach him math actually. Howard said his dad taught him how to multiply. Robin asked if his dad taught him how to drive a car. Howard said he did that but only after everyone else in school knew how to do it.
Howard did an impression of his dad talking to him about the card he got him for Father's day. Howard said he just grabbed the first one he saw. He said he's sure his dad liked the gift he got him. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how good Fred, Gary and Jon are as fathers. Gary said they were all patting each other on the back for being good dads. Howard said Scott DePace thinks he's the best dad there. Howard said those guys are the worst. Fred said he doesn't know how good or bad he is. Gary said he heard a story about Scott coaching his kid's baseball team and yelled at them for not playing well. They're only in third grade.
Scott DePace came in and Howard asked Scott if that story was true. Scott said of course it is. He said that he didn't yell at them but he talked to them about how they had to do better. Howard said Scott can't think he's better than Gary as a dad. Scott said he's just as good as the rest of them are. Scott said that he took the family out to play golf and then went out to eat. He said he took the kids to the baseball field to practice some more. He said they all watched golf together on TV after that. Gary said it's not about that stuff. It's about taking the kid out to do things he wants to do that Scott doesn't want to do. Scott said he does that too.
Scott said he had to read the stuff that his son wrote throughout the year. He said that wasn't easy to get through. Howard said he had some tape of Scott with the kids. He played a clip of a coach yelling at his team about how bad they were and how sick and fucking tired he is of it. Howard said Scott is a good coach because he took the kids to Rick's Cabaret after the game.
Howard took a call from Scott's son (Sour Shoes) who said he was listening to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. He said that Mitt Romney has a great plan but he'd like to know why he made all of the gay and racial slurs at the baseball game. Sour broke into a song while he was doing the kid voice. He played some Duran Duran and Howard cut him off.
Scott said he made some of the kids on the team cry. He said he felt bad about that. He said this kid came off the field after screwing up a play. He said he had a great play but he told him that he had another play that wasn't so good and he told him he had to wake up. He said that made him cry.
Gary said that the worst kids go to right field. He said that you can't tell a parent that their kid sucks. Howard said that he was first baseman and he's glad that he didn't have to deal with that.
Scott said he gets a lot of email from parents who say their kids can play. He said that he moved one kid up and the dad told him that he could take the kid out if he wanted to. Scott said the kid struck out. Howard asked Scott if he really wants the team to win. Scott said he's been sleepless at times because he's so worried about a game. Robin said they're in third grade. She said that it's not going to be that serious for the kids.
Gary said once you get to the 7th or 8th grade when you make everything fair and you have to stop. He said that it doesn't teach you that the world isn't fair. Gary said he thinks that one guy told the worst kids that they should pretend to be sick so they wouldn't be in the games.
Gary said he had a story about drafting kids and he was told not to take this one kid because the dad was such a pain in the ass. He said the kid had to sit around until the end because of that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Rodney King's death and how they're waiting for autopsy reports to come back. Robin said the girlfriend says that he was drinking and smoking pot all day. Robin had some audio of King's 1992 speech about ''can't we all just get along'' and some other stuff.
Robin read about Ozzy Osbourne's son, Jack, saying he's been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Howard said he heard that and was saddened by the news. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how Jack lost the vision in one eye and that's when he knew something was seriously wrong. Howard said that's weird and he's not sure if they have a history of that in the family. Robin said it's just one of those weird things.
Robin read that Microsoft is supposed to introduce a tablet computer of its own today. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard was still on the Multiple Sclerosis thing and wondered if there is a single sclerosis. Robin said that she thinks it has to do with the multiple nerve endings in the body. Howard said he's really sad about that. He said he likes the whole family and he works with his mother on AGT.
Robin read a story about this Bath Salts thing that people have been doing lately. Robin said that they are looking for a ban on bath salts around the country. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read some updates about the Jerry Sandusky court case that's going on. Robin said he's accused of molesting a bunch of boys over the years. Robin had some details about what his defense has been.
Robin read about how Google is getting a lot of requests to remove things from their search listings. Robin said that they have complied with half of the requests. Robin said that Google Maps can show people doing things in their back yard so they're being forced to blur images. Howard said governments trying to keep information from people is so wrong. He said the governments are shitty governments and they're afraid of being exposed. Howard said China is so oppressive. Robin said North Korea is the worst. Howard said it's awful to be born into one of those countries. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Benjy said he thinks that it's kind of effeminate too. Scott said that they're not the first ones to do it. He said there are billions of dads. Benjy said the sentiment is nice but it is kind of effeminate to email like that.
Scott said someone he knows had a son who died and the guy told him to have a happy Father's day. He said he wasn't sure what to say back to him. Jon said he would have said ''you too.''' He said you still remain their parent until you pass away. Scott said he just said ''thanks.'' Scott said you don't say happy father's day to the son of a father. Jon said he thinks that he should have said ''you too.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said about 7 years ago he lost his daughter and a friend of his said ''happy father's day, you're a great dad.'' He said he' snot sure how to take it. The caller said Father's day is tough every year. He said he's not sure how to take it. Benjy asked if the guy said ''you are'' when he said he's a good dad. The guy said he did. Jon said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. He said he's sorry to hear about that. Scott said it is a tough thing. He said he didn't want to say anything wrong.
Jon asked Scott if he's enjoying coaching. Scott said he is. He said he has done a bunch of coaching and he is doing summer travel now. Jon asked if he hates losing. Scott said that it is tough and he has to stick to his guns when it comes to kids wanting different spots. Scott said everyone seemed to have a good time playing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was told on father's day that it would be more effeminate to avoid saying ''happy father's day'' to your friends. Gary came in and said he thinks that it's weird when Sal sends out the disingenuous emails wishing a happy mother's day or something. Gary said there are a lot of people like that. He said that it completely dilutes it when they send out a mass email to everyone.
Benjy said that he thinks it's wrong to say ''happy'' father's day to another man. He said maybe saying ''I hope you're having a good father's day'' would be more appropriate.
Gary and Scott shared some more coaching stories and what goes on with some of the parents. Gary said that he was coaching a baseball team once and he was given the best pitcher in the league. He said the kid showed up late for the game and the kid asked to play anything but pitch. He said that the whole season he kept him on a pitch count and he would take him out when he threw 60. He said he'd go straight to his father instead of going to the coaches. He said the kid choked in a big game of the year. He said that he had his friend come up to him asking to give him the MVP award since he was out of the state. He said those are the kids that are annoying. They had to go to break after that.
Fred went off on Benjy for going to his girlfriend's gigs when Jon brought up how effeminate he thinks the whole thing was with the email between the dads. Benjy said that he finds it really strange when guys say ''We're pregnant'' when their wife is pregnant. Fred said he didn't do that.
Jason came in and said he lost out on all of the game ball and stuff like that when he played in school. Jon said that Jason's coach made up a position for him. He was the second right fielder. Jason said that he wished that his coaches had told him he was horrible. He said he didn't want to play if he was going to make his team miserable.
Benjy asked Jason if he had too many people on the field at one point. Jason said he was the 10th kid on the field. Scott said he yelled at another coach for having 10 kids on the field once. He said that guy called him an asshole.
Fred said he thinks that any kid should be able to play and they'll eventually learn that they're not good enough. Gary said that some kids will show up just so they can get out of house though. He said he had one kid who had parents who were getting divorced and he just didn't want to be home.
Jason said he thinks his coach did the right thing putting him on the field. He said he learned that he sucked. He didn't sit on the bench wondering if he was good and being left out. He said it would have been nice if someone had tried to coach him but no one ever did. Gary said that sometimes they just don't have the time to put into it. Scott said maybe it was his grating personality that got to the coaches.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the difference between raising girls and raising boys. Jon said it really is night and day. He said that Gary and Scott have boys and he and Fred have girls.
Fred said that when you're the father you have to participate. He said you can't just walk away no matter what you have.
Benjy asked Gary if he talks about chicks being hot in front of his kids. Gary said no. He said that Lucas has pointed it out to him before. He said he'll say someone is super pretty. The guys talked about that and what Gary is worried about his kids finding on the web. Gary said he knows that there's one thing that's floating around the internet that he's afraid his son might find. That's the time he got squirted in the eye by a girl orgasming. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he thinks that Lisa is going to lay low for a while even though she doesn't get why Howard thinks it was wrong.
Sam came in so the guys gave him a hard time about his father's day email. Sal said that people don't have the decency to email you back when you do that stuff. He said that it was nice of Fred to send out private ones.
Gary said he feels that when Sal mass emails 150 people then it doesn't feel personal. Sal said when he texts people he does it one at a time. He doesn't do multiple ones. He said that it's a nice gesture to do that. He said there's nothing wrong with that.
Jon asked Sal if he was offended when Howard was talking about the best dads around there and he didn't come up. Sal said it doesn't bother him. He said that he doesn't know if Howard thinks he's a great dad or not. Gary said he's not in the ''take your kids away'' territory. Jon asked what makes a bad dad. Sal said he's not sure exactly. He said the most important thing is to pay attention to your kids and make them feel important. He said they need someone to confide in.
Gary said Sal turned out better than he was raised. He said Sal does things that he likes to do with his kids too. He said that he dresses them up like the members in KISS. Sal said that influences are inevitable with your kids. He said that you pick and choose and he wishes that his dad had gotten him into football and baseball.
Jon asked Sal if he has ever done something for the kids he didn't want to do. Sal said his son is going through final exams and he has to go through them with him. Scott asked Sal if he's really the one going through them. Sal said he gets the study sheets and he goes through them with his son. Scott said he does some spelling with his son and they don't like the way he does it. He said his son will say he doesn't want to do it and he'll run away.
Jon asked Scott if his kids say they're not being taught the way they do in school. Scott said one son doesn't want anything to do with the way he teaches.
Jon said he feels he's learning some stuff all over again with his kids. They had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the audio breaking up. Fred said he's heard it the past week or so. He said people are telling him he's nuts but he's been hearing it. Howard said good morning to Benjy too. He didn't let him say much of anything though.
Howard said he has a bunch of audio of Wolfie going out to a Video Gaming convention. He said that he must be a geek himself but he's not a nerd. He said that nerds must be more loserish or something. Howard said everyone seems a bit off.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to some guys who were at this gaming conference. Wolfie asked about one guy's personality and he had trouble getting his words out. He sounded very nervous. Wolfie asked how many hours a day he plays video games. He said that it could be 3 hours a day on the weekends. Howard said if JD ever quits the show this is the guy he's hiring to replace him. Howard said they never got that deep into what the guy does for a living. Howard said this guy is kind of like JD in the way he speaks.
Howard asked if there's an echo going on in the clip too. He said something is going on there today. Robin and Fred said they didn't hear it but Gary did. Howard said he hears a strange noise off his mic. Howard said he doesn't want to bore everyone with technical problems though. Howard said someone touched something. He said that Scott was in there earlier messing with something. He said it sounds like a metallic sound after every word he says. Howard told Scott not to come in. He and Fred did their impressions of Scott explaining what was going on. Howard said he hates being there right now.
Howard said this guy sounded kind of like Nervous Mark. Howard was getting annoyed and said that he can't believe no one can hear this. He said it's distracting him. Howard said no one but Gary can hear it. Robin said she can hear it now that he's pointed it out. Howard said he's not sure how all of this stuff changes from day to day if no one is allowed to touch the equipment. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott again.
Howard played a clip of one of Richard's prank calls as Nervous Mark. He cut it off after a few seconds. He was just pointing out that's what the interview sounded like.
Howard figured that the sound he was getting was from Robin's ISDN line. Howard said he's just going to deal with it. He said it's fine.
Howard got back to Wolfie and played another interview he did. Wolfie spoke to a woman who said that she has a fiancee who is 57 and she's 26. She said that they love each other and true love is what matters. Wolfie asked what they have in common. She said they like music together and things like that. She also admitted that she stabbed her sister once when she pissed her off asking for cigarettes.
Howard said this is a horror scene at this video game conference. Howard said that they should all make their parents come and talk about what a disappointment they are. Howard said he's not sure how anyone has time to go to these conferences. Howard said it must be SSI that's paying for this stuff. Howard said he's working hard so these guys can go to the video game conference.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy at the conference. The guy said that he had played a game for 400 hours continuously. Howard stopped that one and goofed on the guy's accent for a short time. That was the guy's biggest accomplishment. The gamer said that he had multiple vacations during that time so he didn't have to work. Robin said at least that guy works. Wolfie asked the guy if he has ever skipped work to play a game. The guy said he has a lot of times.
Wolfie asked how many weeks 400 hours is. Howard tried to do the math before the guy answered. Howard said he had to use paper on that one. Howard explained how he was doing his math as he went along. He figured out that it was about 20 days. Robin said she thinks that he's about right. Fred said it's actually 16.6 days. Howard had changed his numbers to make the division easier. Fred did it using the right numbers. Howard did his math over again and tried to figure out some more numbers. He had to have Robin help him.
Howard said he can't believe that guy played a game for 16 days. Robin said the guy had a lot of vacation time. Howard told Jason to come in and take a picture of his work and put it on HowardStern.com. Howard had all of his math written down. Howard said anyone who wants a career in math then you can see his work over there. That will prove what a moron he really is.
Howard got back to the guy about his 400 hours of gaming. The guy said it was actually about a month that he played. Wolfie asked how many times he had sex during that time. The guy said ''none.''
Howard played another interview where Wolfie asked the guy when he got laid. The guy said he's a virgin and he doesn't just get in bed with anyone. He said he has gotten to third base. He asked Wolfie why he was asking these questions. Wolfie said they're just getting a general idea about gamers. The guy said that there are a lot of hot gamer girls.
Howard played another one where the guy was doing an impression of a game character for Wolfie. Howard said if he was at one of these things he would have people following him. Howard played more of the interview and Wolfie asked the character what kind of food he liked. The impression was awful and he kept doing a fake laugh from this Final Fantasy game. Howard asked if that's one of the games that DePace plays. DePace told Howard that this is one of those dork games that he doesn't play. Scott said he plays sports and shooters.
Gary said he has two more interviews from this event. Howard played one where the guy was in a mask while Wolfie interviewed him. Howard asked where else Wolfie went. Gary said he went to Comic-Con. Gary said he could send Wolfie out there every weekend for a year if he wanted to. These events are all over the place.
Howard said he's glad these games weren't around when he was in high school. He said he'd have friends like this if there were. Howard said he had a hot girlfriend when he was in high school and he was terrified to call Far Rockaway from Roosevelt. He said his dad would freak out about the phone bill. He said he remembers everything being very gloomy. Gary said he only had one phone in the house and he wasn't able to get any privacy. Howard said he never had anyone call him at his house. He said he had his own phone in his room. He said everything was just horrible. Howard said he just hated it. He said he hated high school and he thought everyone was a scum bag.
Gary said that everyone claims they remember Howard from high school. He said they're all full of shit. He said he was a loser and if there were video games he would have been doing those. Howard said he never did his homework and he was an idiot. He said he's not sure how he made it through. Howard said his parents didn't give a shit either. He said if his report card came home and it was shit then it was like a bomb blew up. He said his father would go off on him about things like an F in conduct. Howard said he must have been socializing and he didn't see the value in school.
Howard got back to the clip of the guy in the mask. Wolfie asked him a couple of questions and the guy was yelling through his mask. He had a fake weapon and demonstrated that for Wolfie.
Howard played another one where this gamer was talking about how he's been playing since 1983. Wolfie asked if he has ever picked up a girl at an arcade. The guy said he never has and not many girls go to arcades.
Robin asked Howard if he knows who Flo Jo was. Howard said of course he did. He said that he knows she was in track and field. Robin said she had long fingernails. Howard said he wondered how she wiped her ass. Howard said they looked like Jai-Alai scoops.
Howard said he liked the whole show. He asked Robin what she thought about the girl who was into him. He said everyone saw her ass that night but they didn't show that last night.
Howard said he spent 2 and a half hours with the people from John Varvatos getting his wardrobe ready for the live shows. He said he's preparing for his finale.
Howard took a call from Pittsburgh Pete who said he's not into talent shows. He said he tuned in last night and it was decent overall. Howard said that's a huge compliment from Pete. Pete said that it appeared Howard was bored and uninterested last night. Howard said he is so into the show. He said someone wrote to him and said they like that he doesn't stand up and applaud for every act. Robin said she was shocked that he put those dancers from Puerto Rico through. Howard said that they were very highly skilled. He said that they'll have the Las Vegas shows next week and you'll see what happens with them. Howard said they were in the top 3 dance acts in that audition.
Pete asked if Howard is really into this show. Howard said he is so into it. He said Pete is way off on this. He said that they do edit the show a lot and they cut out a lot of his comments. Pete said Howard seems kind of awkward compared to Howie and Sharon. Pete said that it's really coming off on the HDTV. Gary said he thinks that he's just trying to get him going. Gary said Pete sent him a note saying that he wasn't taking his calls anymore so he must be trying to get him going.
Howard let Pete go and took another call. The caller said the thing she loved about last night was that he's touched by certain people. She said that Howard appeared to not let someone go through because he knew that she'd be disappointed. Howard said the 6 year old girl was just okay. He said she was adorable but she's not going anywhere. Howard said she tap danced. Howard said he has tried tap dancing and he knows how hard it can be.
Howard said he was told what to expect with the live shows. He said that they're going to have an IFB in his ear and they're going to tell him if he goes on too long. He said they'll tell him to just shut up. He said they time it out to the minute so they have to do that. Howard said that one year Howie was giving his final analysis and they cut him off. Howard said he can see that happening. Howard said he doesn't get why they don't just let a live show go on for a few extra minutes. He wondered what's so important that they can't move the schedule.
The caller asked if he knows when the first live show is. Howard said it's in the middle of his 4th of July vacation. He said it's ruining his vacation. He said he's not sure why he agreed to do this show. He said he has to leave his home on Long Island and come to the city. Then he has to go to Newark to shoot the show. He said they should tape the show in the morning instead. Howard said he's into the show and he is going to give it a shot. He said it's pretty fun when you see it on TV.
The caller asked if Robin has a time frame for coming back. Robin said she's beginning to like being home. Howard said he told Beth that the other night. He said he would like to work from home too. He said if he didn't have Howard TV he would work from home. He said that's what Jay Thomas does. Howard said maybe they can go to Robin's apartment and do the show. The caller said Gary not telling the guests is epic. Howard said he figured Gary knew to tell the guests that Robin wouldn't be there. Howard said it just seems like something you'd do by nature. Gary said that the first three guests would ask where she was and you'd think Gary would get it after that. Howard said he just had to say she was home recovering.
The caller said even with all of the screw ups Gary is great for Howard. Howard said he is good but he's never tried anyone else in the position. Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies while they were talking about him. Howard asked Gary how he doesn't tell the guests even after the first 3 times. Gary said it's just stupidity. He said that's his best explanation. Fred played another Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said Gary is such a Yenta already and you'd think he'd bring it up. Fred did his impression of Gary telling a guest why Robin isn't there. Fred had a pen stuck in his mouth doing his impression. Howard did his impression too.
Howard said that he would play an example first. They asked Big Foot if he had a nickel and a penny, how much money would he have? Howard said he figured it was 6 cents. Howard asked Red Gypsy what she thinks. She said that he will say yes. Howard played the answer and Big Foot said ''6 cents.''
Howard said he'll give Red Gypsy 6 questions and she has to get 3 right. The first one was ''Who was the first president of the United States?'' Red Gypsy said it was Washington and she doesn't think that Big Foot will get it right. Howard told Fred to lock her in on a yes. Big Foot's answer was ''Bush.''
Howard played the next question which was ''The early bird catches the ____'' Red Gypsy said no way. Big Foot said ''the worm'' and got it right. Howard said that Gypsy got 2 wrong already. He said she has to get the next one right. Gypsy said she's so broke and she really needs this money. She said she has a non-paying job. Howard asked if it pays nothing. She said it barely pays her life. She said she's a dispatcher and it isn't a lot of money.
Howard played the next question which was ''Who was the first man to land on the moon?'' Howard asked Gypsy if she knew. She said maybe Neil Armstrong. She said there's no way that Big Foot will get it. Big Foot said ''Clinton?''
Howard played the next question which was ''Beauty is in the eye of the ________'' Gypsy said that she doesn't think that he'll get that one. Big Foot's answer was ''in the mind of the beast.'' Howard said Gypsy got two right and two wrong. He said they're down to the final question.
Howard played the final question which was ''What number makes up blackjack?'' Gypsy said that it's 21 and that's a really hard one. Gypsy said that she's going to say that Big Foot may know it. Howard wasn't so sure about that. Howard tried to give her a hint that maybe Big Foot might not know the answer. Howard asked if he could possibly know the right answer. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said they have been wrong more than Red Gypsy. She said she's going to say that he knows it. Howard and Fred laughed. She changed her mind and said he won't know it. Howard played the answer and Big Foot said ''21.'' Howard laughed and said that she shouldn't have listened to them. Howard said she just lost. Gypsy said that Howard is just cruel now. Howard asked why she went with them. She said they forced her. Robin said they just told her what they thought.
Gary said that was the last question of the game. Howard said he had to check the rules there. Howard said there are like 17 pages of rules there. Howard pretended to read the rules and told her he feels so bad for her. Howard checked ''page 12'' of the rules and asked Gary if he had a bonus for her. Gary said he could go to another game. Gary said they really brow beat her out of that question. Howard said he didn't know what the answer was. Gary said they were giving her such a hard time with that answer. Howard said he really didn't think he would know 21. Gypsy said she knew she was right from the start. Howard said she must be a real loser.
Howard said maybe they can ask Sal a question live and have Gypsy play. Howard said that they'll ask Sal a few questions. Sal came in and Howard asked what the 49th and 50th states are. Sal said ''Wow!'' Howard told him not to say something. Gypsy said that he has to write down his answer so they know he doesn't cheat. Howard had Sal give it to Fred. Fred said he did see the answers. Howard asked Gypsy if Sal knows it or not. Gypsy said that she'll say that he knows. Sal said he was pretty confident. Howard asked why he was talking.
Howard asked what Sal said. Sal said he has done some research and he thinks that it's Hawaii and Alaska. Howard said that means Gypsy won $1,000 thanks to the high IQ of Sal Governale. Sal was feeling good about getting the answer correct too. Howard said he was dancing around in there. Sal said he's not that dumb. Howard congratulated him on knowing what every 1st grader knows. Howard put Gypsy on hold and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what that clip was when they played the Evil Dave thing. Howard said they were torturing the guy. Howard said Billy Corgan will be coming in today. He said he'll be there in about an hour. He said he listened to some songs off his new album and Billy will be playing one today. He said that he'll perform an old song and he'll play one new one. Gary said he's going to perform ''Tonight, Tonight'' live in the studio today. Howard said he can't wait for that. Howard said the new album is great and he's not just saying that. He really thinks it is.
Howard said he thinks he'll be playing ''Violet Rays'' from their new album ''Oceania'' because he liked it so much. He said he'll play some of it right now. Howard played some of the song and said he likes when music is a downer. He said that Billy is depressed so that's why it's like that. Howard said they're still rockin' too. He said not many bands are doing that but these guys are. Howard said he knows how to pick a single too. He said this song is beautiful.
Howard said he'll play the whole thing later when Billy gets there. Howard said Gary told him that he had to listen to the album because he had to pick a song off the album. He said Gary was going to pick a song off the album if he didn't want to do it. Howard said he didn't want Gary to pick something that he wouldn't pick. Howard said he listened to the album a couple of times and that song stuck out.
Howard said that they didn't let her say too much because they must have been afraid she'd say something wrong. Howard played the clip and Sue said that she was thinking that someone made a mistake. She said that it was the end for her at the station and she hopes that she'll have a job somewhere else. Chuck cut her off since they were out of time. Howard said that was like a big fuck you to her. He said that's the business. Howard said they want younger, hotter chicks.
Howard said FOX news has women on that channel that make his head spin. He said they have one girl in a mini-skirt who has high heel fuck me shoes on one of the shows and she turns to the side so you can see her ass and legs. He said he's not sure if she even talks. JD said there's a show that comes on at 5am that has two hot blondes on it. He said he loves it. Howard said it is great. Robin said even the morning news shows are all women now. Howard said it's crazy. He said it's a real turn on though.
Howard said they could have done a better tribute to Sue. Howard asked the guys where the clip of Sue saying ''fuck'' on the air is. Gary said JD is looking for it right now. Howard said that they cut Jillian Barberie down by a couple of days on her show. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with her. Fred said he thinks they're doing some kind of Kelly search like they're doing with Kelly Ripa.
Howard said he saw a video of Jillian on the show from like 20 years ago. Howard said she was really hot. JD said she's still hot. JD said he thinks that they cut her back and gave her more of a lax schedule. Howard asked if it was Jillian's idea. JD said he's not sure about that. Howard said he saw that Jillian was crying when Dorothy Lucy left he show. He thought she hated her. Robin said maybe it was like the sister you hate.
Howard played the Sue Simmons clip where she said ''the fuck are you doing?'' during a live commercial for the news. She didn't know they were live.
Howard played another clip of Quick cursing. It was the same clip but from another source. Howard said he worked with a guy who taped a public service message and said fuck during that. He said he thought he had edited it out but left it in and he wrote a letter to the FCC offering to turn in his license. Howard said he didn't have to do that.
Howard played a clip from a porno where Destiny Deville was screaming and going nuts. Howard said that's a turn off to him. He said Sal said she's really hot though. Howard said that's what he'd hope Jillian Barberie would sound like in bed. Destiny was yelling at this guy to fuck her until her pussy juices were gone. Howard got a laugh out of some of those comments.
Howard said that would actually be a major erection killer for him. He said that guys are getting too into that moaning thing. He said he had a clip of a guy cumming like a hyena. Howard played that one and the guy's moaning orgasm lasts like 30 seconds.
Howard said he had another AGT review from Shuli's mother. He said that she goes into every detail in her review. Howard played the clip and Shuli's mom was talking about how much she likes the show and goes into every detail about what happened on the show that night. Howard said she really takes detailed notes. Howard said she is the one who should be doing an AGT wrap up show on the JFSC.
Howard said that Shuli's mom is pretty intense. He said that if his mother left a message like that on his answering machine he's not sure he'd listen to it.
Howard said that he knows he's going to just tell the contestants where they're at. He said he'll just do his judging. He said it's going to be the same thing it was and he will know what to do.
Bobo asked if he's looking forward to the 18 live shows. Howard said he is looking forward to it but it is summer time and they wait all year for summer. He said he's not looking forward to the time commitment but he does like the show. Bobo asked if he has any tickets to give away. Howard said he can get them at MyAGTTickets.com. Gary said they have tickets too but they're not really VIP. Bobo said he's fine with whatever they can give him.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to get Lisa G in there with her news preview. Howard said he should have asked Bobo about his voice mail. He said Bobo, Mariann and Eric the Actor were asked to be in a documentary and he's asking permission to be in it. Howard said he doesn't need permission. It's not like he works for them. Howard said you know there's going to be zero money in it. Howard said that Bobo has been documented and it's pretty boring. Howard said his Howard TV interview is horrible.
Howard got Bobo back on the line and played the voice mail that he left asking if it was okay to do it. Bobo said he respects the show and that's why he's asking. Howard said Bobo made a Sirius staff shirt for himself. Howard said he has the Sirius logo and his name and the Howard Stern logo on it.
Gary said that on Father's day Bobo got a call that an alarm went off in his house. Gary said Bobo was out and he told the cops to go to his shrine to make sure everything was okay there and not in the regular part of the house. Bobo said he was more worried about the shrine than anything else.
Howard asked who is making a documentary about Bobo. Bobo said it's Reed Ashton. He said that they want to find out how they listen to the show and how their day is. Howard said it's a big waste of time. Gary said Mariann called and said she had the guy checked out and he seems legit. Gary said he's not sure what that means. Gary asked if they're getting paid to do it. Bobo said he doesn't know but he would do it even if there wasn't any money in it.
Howard said he had the Bobo audio from his Fine Time interview. Howard said they didn't even put it on the menu because it's so boring. Howard said they put up a picture of Bobo up on Twitter.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they might try to shoot Bobo for a third time. He said the second interview was just as bad as the first. He said they might shoot it from the Shrine instead.
Howard played some of Bobo's interview with Rachel Fine and cut it off after about 5 seconds. Howard said it really is boring. Howard told Bobo not to bother him anymore about the documentary. Howard told Doug to put Bobo on Snooze Time. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's not sure what happened to rock and roll or what's going on in the record business. He said he loves that Billy Corgan is there though. He said he's not sure what Billy has been up to but he love his music. Howard said that Billy is going to do an acoustic thing and he goes into a depression when he hears his music. He said he heard him warming up and it was depressing. Billy said he's just trying to get people to feel something. Howard said he feels that the world is about to end when he hears his music. Billy laughed and asked if that sells records. Howard said it does.
Howard said that Neil Young and Bowie stuff did that to him too. Billy said that he's not sure why people listen to music that doesn't evoke emotion.
Howard asked if Billy is a sad guy. Billy said he's not really. He said he did have a pretty rough childhood though.
Howard said Billy's father abused him. Billy said that's not the case. He said it was his step-mother that beat him from about 5 to 17. He said that his dad basically told him ''tough shit'' when he told him about it. He said that it was along the lines of bursts of violence that you couldn't anticipate. He said that she'd ask him to take out the garbage 5 days a week and then she'd come in swinging fists on the 6th day. Billy said he read about women who are battered and you get this kind of tension of waiting. He said the waiting is the worst. Billy said he's not looking for sympathy or anything. He said that stuff triggered a lot of stuff that he couldn't control so he became a workaholic. He said he put up with a lot with the band and that wasn't good.
Howard asked Billy about the band not getting along and how he keeps it going. Billy said he loves the band now. Howard said they have new members in the band though. Billy said it is but they play rock and roll and he loves it. He said that he loves calling the band Smashing Pumpkins because it annoys some people.
Howard asked Billy if he is the problem with the relationship with the band. Billy said he put up with stuff early on and that stuff manifested itself later. He said the drummer was an addict before he even joined the band and he put up with it because he was such a good drummer. Billy said he never thought that they were going to be playing Madison Square Garden 5 years later. He said all of that stuff gets weird later.
Howard said Billy is so great and you'd think that the rest of the band would put up with him because he's the golden goose. Billy said they all grew up in the band together though. He said it's different then. Billy said that when he'd do interviews in 1993 they'd get interviewed and he'd get all of the questions. He said the band would get mad at him over that and it wasn't his fault. He said they were singling him out on the inside of the band and that led to it becoming the Titanic.
Howard said when you have one guy who is the singer and song writer then that's the guy you want to talk to. Howard said that's the way he looks at it from an interviewer's point of view. Billy said that some of the guys didn't see it that way.
Howard said he thinks that the dynamics of the bands are interesting. Howard said Bon Jovi is like that. He said the guys in the band are thrilled that Jon is the lead of the band. Billy said in the 90s he told the guys in the band that if they didn't last 25 years they were idiots. He said he thought they could make it work but they weren't satisfied with that. He said James Iha would go and negotiate his own record deal without his knowledge. He said he got his own solo deal and he was okay with that. He said he never consulted him or asked for advice or anything. He said he heard the album and he had about 40 comments that could have improved the album for him. He said he could have shadow wrote the stuff with him just so it could do well. He said it would have been good for him and for the band.
Billy said that Darcy decided she anted to be an actress. He said that she had never acted before. She hadn't even acted in a high school play. He said she told him that she knew producers who could get her work. Billy said he told her that it doesn't work like that and she can't just go and be an actress. Howard said you have to know what you're good at and stick with it.
Howard asked Billy if any of the guys from the band came back to him and said they made a mistake. Billy said they haven't. He said that he ran into James Iha at an event but he ran off before he even got to say hello. He said that James didn't even say goodbye after their last show. He said that he's glad that he's out of his life now. He said that his new guitar player is great and he's great moral support.
Howard said he thinks the new album is as good as ever and he really didn't need the band to make this new album. Billy said it's tough to go out and tell people that when they don't like your solo stuff. Billy said the old band did contribute but he did a lot of the work too.
Howard asked if he went into hiding to make this album. He asked how long it took to make. Billy said it was about a year. He said they went to Sedona, Arizona for a while and then recorded it in Chicago.
Howard asked Billy if he turned to the guitar when he was going through the stuff with his step-mom. Billy said his dad didn't even want him to play guitar. He said his dad is pretty cool but he hasn't explained the whole thing to him.
Billy said he was tested high for music aptitude. Howard asked what that means. Billy said when he was about 7 they tested the kids in school. He said that the test was really simple but they said that he had such a high test that they wanted to re-test him. He said that they re-tested him and he tested even higher than the first time. He said they said he must be a musical savant and they had him do some other stuff and had him pick an instrument. He said that his dad didn't want to pay to do any of that so he didn't start playing until he was 14.
Howard said he knew a kid who was able to draw and paint but his parents told him he'd never make a living as an artist so he just stopped. Howard said he could have had a great life as an artist.
Billy said that his dad told him he didn't want him to have a hard life like he had. He thought that he was more talented than his own son. He said his dad is very talented though.
Billy said that his dad was thrown in jail after they found him unconscious with a needle in his arm and heroin next to him. He said that he got his dad out of jail and they came out the other side better off. He said his dad has claimed responsibility for what he did. He said he's proud of him for doing that and being accountable for what he did.
Billy said his dad is his biggest fan now. He said he's married to his mistress now. He said they've been together for about 30 years now. Howard asked where the woman is that beat him. Billy said he still talks to her. He said he believes in forgiveness. He said it's hard but he thinks it's right to do. Billy said that's what Jesus teaches us. Howard said he's shocked that he's into Jesus. Billy said that God is something you can take or leave but he looks for a higher mind. Billy said that he's learned to forgive and that's helped him.
Howard asked Billy if he's ever been in a long time relationship. Billy said he had one that was 8 years long. He said that was his last long term. Howard asked if he dated Jessica Simpson. Billy said she is pretty interesting. He said that she's getting the last laugh because she has a billion dollar clothing company. Billy said that it just kind of fizzed with her. He said she's really a great person though.
Howard asked if he still talks to her. Billy said he does. He said she has a lot of yes people around her and she kind of gets sucked into that Hollywood vortex. He said she can't gain 5 pounds without someone writing about it. He said that most women are insecure about their looks and it's not too hard to understand why she'd surround herself with people who can build her back up. He said he thinks that she liked being with him because he would tell her the truth. He said that she really appreciated that. Howard asked if she dumped him. Billy said it was mutual.
Howard asked Billy about cutting himself when he was younger. Billy said that it's a small way of feeling like you're in control. He said when you feel that you're out of control then the cutting gives you control. Howard said that he must have a bleak view of the world. Billy said he really doesn't.
Howard asked Billy if he got lessons when he started playing guitar. Billy said he was blowing people out of the water after about 6 months of playing. Howard asked if he just listened and imitated bands. Billy said that he isn't good at learning other people's songs. He said he would just play his own style. Billy said when he was 15 it sounded like Smashing Pumpkins sounds today. He said he created his own music world. Billy said that he really looked up to guys that could play technical stuff like Eddie Van Halen. Howard asked if he did a lot of drugs writing his stuff. Billy said he didn't. He said he did some drugs back in the day but he doesn't believe in abusing the stuff. He said he hasn't done anything in the past 10 years and he doesn't even remember what it feels like.
Howard asked Billy what song he's going to do for them today. Billy said he'll do ''Tonight, Tonight'' for him and he would never do this for anyone but Howard. Howard said he appreciates that. He asked if he has any memory of writing this song. Billy said that he remembers writing it in a different key. He said he has a demo of it from about 94 with no lyrics or anything.
Howard asked Billy if he gets the music first. Billy said he doesn't have a lot of memory of writing this song. Howard said the song is hopeful sounding but he still gets depressed listening. Billy said the song has become a classic and he never thought that it would be. He said 1979 might be his biggest hit but this song is the one that has endured on that other level. He said some songs become songs that aren't even really yours anymore. He said sometimes he can't believe he actually wrote it. Howard had Billy play ''Tonight, Tonight'' after that. Billy did it alone with an acoustic guitar.
After the song Howard said that was fantastic. He said it was beautiful. Howard asked why he won't do this for anyone else. Billy said he doesn't want to live in the past. He said that it's a shame that some bands have to live in the past and do songs from the old days. He said that he respects Howard so much that he's willing to do the song but he wants to move forward. He said the past 10 years has been a lot of shit about the past and he just wants to move on. Billy said they have to move forward. He said his generation is stuck in a perpetual past and he doesn't understand it.
Howard said Billy is looking at this the wrong way. He said his new album is beautiful and he loves it but his old songs are fantastic. He said he shouldn't be uptight about it. He said he goes out and sees McCartney and he loves the old stuff. Billy said he agrees but he wants to get to a place where he's comfortable. He said that he has been told that he has to play an old song to come on a show and psychologically he's a punk and he doesn't like being told what to do. He said he'd probably play 10 old songs but if he's told to do it then he'll just be like ''fuck you.''
Howard asked Billy if he sings that song ''Tonight, Tonight'' to himself. Billy said it's definitely about himself. He said it's about getting out of the city and not even knowing how he made it.
Howard asked Billy if he's worried about the new album doing well. Billy said he's not. Howard asked how you get the word out today and how you market it. Billy said it's pretty simple. He said they figured they had to make a great album and everything would just fall into place. He said if you sit down in a room with smart people they'll say you have to leverage the past to make it work in the present. He said he sees a lot of people doing really marginal music now. He said that he thinks that you have to respect the position he's taken. He said that the Autotune stuff that's creeping in and all of the rules they have for music now are strange. He said it's supposed to be a world without rules and it's filled with rules.
Billy said there are guys like Neil Young who are still out there making music that means something and they fight for it. He said Neil gave him some advice once when he was bitching and moaning about the business. He said Neil just said ''Just put your head down and keep walking.'' He said he said it in the way that only Neil could say it.
Howard asked Billy if he goes nuts when he gets to go to Neil's house. Billy said of course he does. He said that he went there once and he had a teepee in his yard and he had all of these big stars there. He said they had some interesting talk in that teepee. He said that it was a real one too. It wasn't a Target teepee or something. Howard asked how he gets booked into a teepee like that. Billy said he'd have to get booked into the charity.
Howard asked if he's been able to play guitar with Neil. Billy said he hasn't had that chance yet. Howard asked if that's just not cool to do. Billy said it just never crossed his mind. He said Neil has a really nice piano and everything he does is done right. He said he does everything perfectly. He said that the piano is hand made and it's done perfect. He said he remembers passing the piano and thinking that he'd like to play. He said he was afraid to ask to play it though. Howard said that could be the greatest thing ever if they just sat down and put it on a tape recorder. Howard said it wouldn't be a tape recorder but something digital. Howard asked if he hates digital. Billy said that a lot of people in that world of digital don't buy albums. He said that they buy records because a friend tells them. He said that's where the social media thing works but the other stuff doesn't.
Howard asked Billy about Courtney Love and the Twitter war he had with her. Billy asked if she's still alive. Howard said she is. Billy said she is the least loyal person he's ever had in his life. He said he ghost wrote a lot of her music and she didn't even remember what was going on when she was in rehab. Billy said she is very brilliant in her own way but he took her raw data and put it into another form. He said she was so out of her mind that she wouldn't remember from one day to the next. Howard asked why he didn't just walk away. Billy said he's a loyal based person and he wants to help his friends.
Howard asked if he feels so betrayed when they start shitting on him. Billy said that Courtney attacked her own daughter. He said that's her kid. Billy said her kid had to go through what her father did and then she had to deal with her mother.
Howard said that Billy and Courtney were lovers at one point. Billy said he was just being a friend when he helped her with her album. Billy said that Courtney asked him what she was going to tell the press when she had to tell them who helped her. Billy said she could just say that a friend helped her after she got out of rehab. Billy said what she did was come out and said that he barely did anything. Billy said that he had done an interview in London and the interview came out a week later and it made it look like he was battling with her.
Howard asked Billy if he sees a psychiatrist. Billy said not anymore. He said he did see one for 12 years. Howard said he must have gotten some help from that. Billy said he has had good advice and he's been to psychics and other people like that.
Billy told Howard that he has been told that he has ghosts in his house. He said that he's never seen them himself. He said that he had an intuitive come to his house and she felt something there and asked who ''Marty'' was. Billy said that's what his mother's friends called her. He said her name was Martha but her friends called her Marty. No one but people really close to her knew she was Marty. Billy said that he's not sure what the woman saw but it was a pretty good guess coming up with Marty.
Howard asked what happened to Billy's mother. He said she was committed when he was 4 years old. He said that she lived right down the road from them when he was growing up so it was pretty tough on him. Billy said that he was getting beaten by his step-mom and his mother was right down the street. He said that was really tough.
Howard said that John Lennon song ''Mother'' must really get to him. Billy said that it was a great song. He said Lennon was a great writer and we need that in the world.
Howard said Billy has said that if this album doesn't do well he has to reevaluate the Smashing Pumpkins. Billy said that they're already doing great and getting great reviews.
Howard asked Billy about the new album ''Oceania'' and what's up with the name. Billy said that he's in love with a woman and she's an Aussie. He said she's back in Australia now. Howard asked Billy what he's doing with his life that he won't be with this woman. Billy said this all sounds familiar. He said he really doesn't want to get into it. Howard said he wants to call her now and have him propose to her. Billy said she's a great person and they don't always see eye to eye. Billy said Howard must have been in that position. Howard said he hasn't really. He said that everything can be worked through. Howard asked Billy if he's miserable without her. Billy said he's really not. He said he may just be okay with the misery.
Howard said he picked out the song ''Violet Rays'' from the new album. He said that this song made him sad and that's the way he likes to feel when he's listening to music. Billy said that the song does refer to his ex, Jessica. Howard asked if he thinks that it's the best song on the album. Billy said he thinks it's one of the best. He said he thinks that it shows incredible taste on Howard's part. Howard said Billy wanted him to pick one from the album and that's the one he picked.
Howard asked Billy if he said he would like to be on X-Factor. Billy said he was asked if he would like to be a judge on one of those shows and he said he would because they need people like him to tell people the reality. He said he can respect the talent even if he doesn't like the music some people are making.
Howard played ''Violet Rays'' off of ''Oceania'' and said he would stay quiet during the song.
After playing the song Howard said it was a fabulous song. Billy thanked him. Howard said it's an instant hook. He said very few people can achieve that. Howard asked if it's painful to listen to. Billy said it is. He said it's all about hurting. Howard said the overall effect of the song makes him sad. He said he doesn't get it and wondered if she cheated. Billy said he didn't want to talk about it. Howard said she must have cheated. Billy said that we all go through that feeling about someone being focused on something other than you. Billy said that he dated a girl for a while but she told him that she had to break up because she had to be with her family. Howard asked if he's a hard guy to date. Billy said he thinks he's fun. He said he likes rock and roll. Howard asked if he's on tour all the time. Billy said he thought about it a lot and maybe there's just one person out there who gets the whole thing. He said he has never been understood at the level he wants to be understood at.
Howard said he likes how honest Billy is. He said he has criticized Radiohead. Billy said he wasn't doing that about the band, it was about everyone who licks their boots. He said he's sick of the culture that says this is great and in order for them to be great they have to put everything else down. Howard said he thought Smashing Pumpkins got that too but Billy said they really didn't. He said they got bad press a lot. He said between 1993 and 1996 they were killing and they were out rocking the fuck out of everyone. He said they were way ahead of their time and no one ever said that. Billy said that even today it's like that. He said that Rolling Stone asked for the top albums of the 90s and they had two of their albums listed in that poll. He said the press doesn't give them any credit though.
Howard said he thinks that Billy was the guy who wasn't loved as a child and he's looking for that love from the critics. Billy said he'll never get it. Howard said he thinks that he has to get more therapy. He said he doesn't appear to be able to find that love he's looking for. Billy said the thing that matters is that the band can continue. He said they've already done it. Billy said the public vibe on the street is that they have a future so that's what they're going with. Billy said Howard had a hit move and he must know that feeling. He said he can just feel it.
Howard asked Billy what his fascination is with wrestling. Billy said he started his own league. He said it's Resistance Pro. He said he's just a creative person in it and he doesn't own it. He said he is super involved in it but not financially. Howard asked how deep it goes. Billy said he knows wrestler dirt and he's what they call a ''mark'' for wrestlers. He said that wrestlers are like rock and roll and they just do what they have to do to get the audience going.
Billy said he has a special needs brother and he went to an event. He said his brother got into the wrestling match and he screwed up the whole match by throwing the match for the guy he was aligned with. He said that they asked him why he did that and he said he was sick of living in his brother's shadow. Billy said that his own brother turned on him. He said that he has a form of mongolidism that's really rare. He said that kids were cruel to his brother when he was growing up. He said the kids are one thing but the worst are the adults. He said the adults would talk like his brother couldn't even hear them. He said that they were really cruel.
Billy said he thinks it was cool they got his brother involved in wrestling. He said he has a regular job now and he lives on his own. He said he thinks it's cool that he has something to be excited about. He said it's perfect for him. He said it's like what Howard has done for some of the crazy characters he's had on the show.
Howard asked Billy if he dated Tila Tequila. Billy said that he never has. He said that was just a rumor. He said he has hung out with her but he never dated her.
Howard said Billy must be having a great sex life. Billy said he has every right to be choosy. Billy said that the killer move is to play a song while you're laying in bed. Howard said saying the song is about the woman is the second killer move. Howard asked if he wrote that song ''Violet Rays'' about that chick and told her that it was about her. He said he did that. He said that she's a twin too. Howard said he wonders what Billy is up to. Billy said he had a few moments when her sister would have her back to him and he thought it was her sister. He said that their body is the same so it's hard to tell from behind. He said that you realize something isn't right and then you realize it's her sister. Howard asked if he ever got both of them in bed. Billy said he never did. He said that any inkling that you're interested in the twin means the relationship is dead. He said you never even say that their sister is looking good.
Howard asked Billy if he ever did the blow job thing in the tour bus. Billy said he doesn't believe in the degrading stuff. He said that if you're in a relationship with someone that's one thing but just doing it with random people is degrading and he didn't do that kind of thing.
Howard said that Billy has confessed and come clean today. He wishes him luck with the new album and said he hopes that he does well. He said he's not sure how he's going to sell records if there are no record stores anymore. Howard said they heard about Billy's real passion and that's wrestling. Howard asked if he has met Hulk Hogan. Billy said he has. He said he's a good guy. Howard said he's had him on the show many times.
Howard said Billy's voice sounds great too. He asked if he smokes. Billy said he doesn't. He said he's a clean liver. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he loved that interview. He said he's not a big Pumpkins fan but he is a Billy Corgan fan. He said he thinks that his head is stuck in the past. The caller asked Robin if she has ever heard of Sepsis. Howard said Robin isn't there actually. He said she had an appointment at 8 so he's flying solo today. Howard said he's sure Robin has heard of it though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he just read an update about that guy with huge balls. He said it was kind of strange. Howard said they had that guy on the show like a year ago and he had balls that weigh like 100 pound and they hang down to his ankles.
Howard said this guy has rejected a surgery to get his balls fixed because they've made him famous. Howard read the article and Wesley has turned down the offer to get his balls fixed because he'd have to give up the rights to his story. Howard said he's getting this off the internet so he's not sure how true it is. Howard read about how he was on the Howard Stern Show and on Tosh.0. Howard said that's insanity to turn down the offer to get them fixed. The caller said he can't believe he would turn it down either. Howard said he'd do anything to get his balls fixed if he had that problem. The caller said they said he could lose his penis and scrotum if they do it wrong.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who was pissed off. Howard said she's always pissed off. Debbie said that he's ruined her life. Howard told her not to accuse him of ruining her life. He said she did that on her own. Howard said she brought it on herself. Debbie said that Howard doesn't want to hear the fucking truth. Howard said neither does she. She hung up.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that he's been sucking his own dick again. Howard said Ed claims he can suck his own penis. Ed said his dick is a foot. Howard asked if he would come in and do it there. Howard said it might not be allowed. Howard asked if he can bring it up to his lips and not put it in his mouth. Ed said they have video of it there. Gary said that the TV guys say he can do it as long as he's not erect. Ed said he has to get it nice and hard and he can suck it. He said he doesn't do it to completion because that's gay.
Howard asked Ed why he sucks on it. Ed asked why he jerks off. Howard asked if he'll suck himself until he cums. Ed said he'll do it into his hand but he won't do it in his mouth. Howard said he sounds like every other woman. Ed said he's not a woman. Howard said he knows that. He thanked Ed for calling in and Ed threw in his ''819'' at the end.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she's going to try and make all 18 live shows. She said that she saw Maria Menounos dancing with Mel Gibson on her show. Howard said he was kind of surprised by that. Howard said Mel Gibson took his career and imploded it with all of his hate. He said he saw a picture of Maria dancing with Mel and hanging all over him. Howard said he's sure he'll ask her about it if he interviews her again. Howard said it's odd that people embrace him after all he's done. Howard said Maria was climbing all over him in one picture. Mariann asked Howard to not have her on the show again. Mariann also asked if she can sit in for Robin today. Howard said he doesn't think he can do that.
Mariann said she wants to go to every AGT live show. Gary said he can get Mariann tickets for every day but the first two and last two days. Howard said they have to get her in. Howard said she's such a superfan they have to get her in. Mariann was going nuts when she heard that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wants to thank Howard for the Billy Corgan interview. He said that has to be one of the top 5 he's ever done. Howard said that guy is an amazing dude. He said he still listens to some of their classic albums. Howard said he didn't know that Billy hated going out and performing those old songs. He said he had a few songs that he was considering having him play today.
The caller said that he loves Howard too and he appreciates that he can make him laugh. He said that Howard is his John Lennon. Howard thanked him for that. He said he appreciates the nice words.
Howard took the call from Debbie who was freaking out and going off on Howard. Howard said he just had her to AGT and he had a wonderful time with her. Debbie said that she had to get her 5 minutes in. Howard asked Debbie if Ed can really blow himself. Debbie asked why he had to ask her that. Howard said he knows she's friends with him. She said she hasn't talked to him in ages. Howard asked why she's so angry with him. Debbie calmed down and said that his twitter people hate her. Howard said when you put yourself out there then that can happen. Debbie said that they don't love her. She said that she has people who hate her. Howard said she has to get off Twitter then. Howard said she shouldn't call the show anymore either. Howard said she has to be prepared for people not to like her if she calls the show.
Debbie said that Howard is nice to everyone but her. Howard said she's fantastic. Howard said he gives up with her. Debbie told him to tell her the truth. She said that she wants permission to go on the Block Party. Howard asked what that has to do with him. She said she wanted his approval. Howard said she has it.
Debbie asked Howard if he was behind her not getting on AGT. Howard said they don't consult him about who they put on. Howard said he wishes they had put her through. Debbie said they don't even like birds.
Ronnie came in and said that she's on the block party. He said they'll try to get her topless. Ronnie said that they have a guy who will pick her up. Shuli was in too so Howard asked if she's replacing Scott. Shuli said that she's just a guest. He said she will bring her bird with her. Debbie said she has 5 minutes to do her comedy act that night.
Howard said he'd like to spend more time on this but he has to take a break. Howard said that she's going to have a meltdown. JD said he's afraid to go to the show. Shuli said the shows are on Thursday night out on Long Island.
Howard asked if JD has an act. Shuli said JD has been trying some new things. JD said he really did nothing new. He did read Ronnie's new poem. He did something with a stripper pole too. Howard said that he played Shuli's mother's review earlier. Shuli said that he has 3 more. He said his mother called and left one and it cut her off so she called back and started from the beginning. Shuli said he's fascinated by the calls. Shuli said she called a third time and gave the review for the third time. Howard told him to get them on tape so they can listen later. He did another live commercial and then went to break.
Howard came back in the middle of the prank calls Fred was playing. Howard said he'd like to get Mick Jagger in there.
Howard had Jon Hein in to give his Wrap UP Show rundown. Howard said that Sam Simon sent him an email about Jon's show ''Fast Food Mania.'' Sam wrote in about all of the stuff he saw Jon doing on the show and how he ate about 6,640 calories worth of food during that half hour show. Sam asked if it's culture or gluttony. Howard asked Jon if Sam is obsessed with him. Jon said he is. He said it's become comical at this point. Jon said that Sam seems to be using him to push whatever agenda it is that he has. Jon said he did eat those extreme burgers on the show but they also tell the history of the places and why people go there an things like that. He said he eats the food because people want to see him eat it. He said he's not sure why Sam doesn't contact him directly if he has these issues. He said he's more than happy to read the email himself. Howard said he must want to get on the show then.
Howard asked Jon if he's doing anything wrong on the show. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he drinks diet soda on the show. He said he's doing the show to entertain people. He said if you want to learn something about these places and why people are going then you can watch. He said he's happy with the way things are going. Jon said he thinks they got up to a .25 rating. Howard asked what that means. Jon said it could be up to 256,000 people watching. He said that it's a home run for him.
Jon got to his Wrap Up Show rundown and mentioned Billy Corgan. Howard and Jon spent a couple of minutes talking about Billy and some of the stuff he brought up in that interview. Howard talked about how he and Billy are the same with the press they got when they were making it big. Howard said it never felt like enough support from the press when he was starting out. He said that's what he was trying to tell Billy today. Howard said the guy is a great song writer. Jon ran down some more stuff that they'll be covering today on the show.
Jon mentioned that Howard talked about how his parents didn't check his homework when he was growing up. Gary said that's just the way it was back then. Gary said he's very involved with his kids and their homework.
Jon mentioned some other things they were going to talk about and mentioned Bobo and his staff shirt. Gary said he thinks that Bobo thinks he's more a part of the show than he really is. He said that he might be like De Niro in the King of Comedy.
Jon mentioned that Debbie the Pet Lady will be at Ronnie's Block Party and Gary said that they have to get Shuli in there to talk about that because he might not be on board as much as Ronnie is with that.
Jon mentioned they have to get into Sal playing the game today and getting his answer right. Gary said that he's surprised that Sal would put himself out there like that. Will said it's all about getting on the air for Sal.
Jason came in and said that the shirt Bobo has with the Sirius logo on it really looks like a staff shirt. Jason said that Bobo doesn't work for them and he was just putting that out there for people when he posted the picture of him today. Jason said he is a superfan too but when you think you're important for the show then you've crossed a line.
Benjy said Bobo doesn't work for them but there can be an issue of someone doing an outside thing for the show even when they don't work there. Gary said that calling and asking isn't the way to go. He said Bobo should know the show and he should know what the answer is. Benjy said that he only got an 88 on the IQ test so maybe he needs some help. Gary said he understands right and wrong. Gary said he thinks that Bobo understands how it works.
Jason said that Bobo is a repeat offender. He did that thing with Dog the Bounty Hunter and tried booking the guy on the show. Gary said Bobo actually caused bad blood between them and Dog's wife.
Jon said that Bobo has listened to the show for years and years and he should know how to handle that situation. Gary said they're not there to say yes or no. He said that people usually know the answer in their head but they come to him for validation. He said Bobo should think that maybe this would piss them off and maybe not do it.
The guys asked Sal what the 5 great lakes are. Sal said Lake Eerie, Lake Ontario, Lake Michigan, Lake Huron and Lake... uh... Gary even gave him some hints and Sal wasn't able to get it. He got 4 out of 5 with the help. He only knew 3 without Gary's acronym.
Sal said he knows My Mother Baked Nine Pies for the planets. Jon asked what that even means. They don't have all of the planet letters in there. Sal tried to figure it out but it wasn't working. Gary said he looked it up and it's actually ''My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas.'' Sal still wasn't able to come up with all of the names.
Sal said that today's game went excellent and he offered himself up so they could make the game work. He said it worked and it was very entertaining and that's all that matters. Gary asked if he offered himself up to make up for last week's fuck up. Sal said he just wanted to see where it goes.
Sal and Will were arguing about the reason that Sal was the right choice for going in there today. Will thinks it's because Sal is an idiot and there was a good chance that he would get the wrong answer. Sal thinks that he just knows good radio and he's not an idiot. Benjy doesn't think it makes him an idiot for just not knowing some of that stuff. Gary said if someone told you they don't know where California is on a map and then asked you for money to invest in stocks, would you give them your money. Benjy said that's not the same thing. He said it doesn't make you stupid to not know that stuff.
Jon said that there is intelligence behind what Sal and Richard do back there. He said that it's not that he's an idiot. They went to break a short time later.
Sal also said that he thought that Puerto Rico was a state but now he knows it's a province... He thinks. He asked if he's right. Jon said he should roll with the province thing. Sal asked what it is. Gary asked about the Virgin Islands. Sal said they're just islands.
Ralph called in and said that they're being overly nasty to Sal. He said that he doesn't know everything and he doesn't either. He said he doesn't know all of the planets. Gary said he was just wondering why Sal put himself in that position today. Ralph said that they're calling him stupid. Gary said that's Will. Will said that Ralph is stupid too.
Will said that he doesn't think that Sal is stupid. He said he's just not good with some 4th grade stuff. Jon said that Ralph is okay saying ''I don't know'' but Sal will never say that.
Gary said that the guys in Bon Jovi have figured out how to make it work with Jon being the main guy in the band. He said that's what Smashing Pumpkins wasn't able to do.
Jon said that Billy obviously doesn't want to play the old songs but the fans might want to hear it. Gary said this is the issue they have with people coming on the show. Gary said he thinks that it's a fair trade to have them on to perform a classic and then play their new stuff from the album. He said that it reminds people of how great the band was in the past and it might make you want to buy a new album more.
Gary said he thinks that the artist should think about what the old songs mean to the fans and not deny them from hearing them because of their personal issues. He said in the end it's the fans that get screwed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know what the back office is like when they have someone big playing a song on the air. He asked if they stop working. Gary said he has the monitor in his office and some people stop and watch. He said he had Steve Brandano and Tracey in there watching Billy perform today. He said some people will stop by and talk about how good it sounds. Benjy said it was different with Lady Gaga. They had a lot more people stopping and listening. Gary said he and Steve thought it was cool to hear the song today in a way they had never heard it before.
Jon said that Gary doesn't get people who are into wrestling and Billy was talking about how into it he is. Gary said he doesn't get it and he can't believe anyone would start their own and put their money into it. The guys said that Billy didn't put his own money into it. He's just part of the whole thing. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked JD if he thinks this will affect his performance. JD said there will be a lot going on. He said he lets Ronnie take the lead. He said it's his block party so he just follows. He said the one thing they have planned is reading his ''Winter'' poem.
Jon said he heard that Ronnie is the one who invited Debbie to the block party. He heard that Shuli wasn't so happy. Ronnie said that Shuli makes shit up. That's the deal. Ronnie said that they wanted to have guests on the show and he got Debbie. Ronnie said he has someone for the New Jersey show too. Shuli said that Ronnie is the crown jewel of the block party so he's just going with it. He said that Ronnie is the guy who invites and then backs out.
Jon asked Shuli if he's afraid of Debbie. Ronnie said that he's going to be on stage with her and keep her calm. He said if the bird comes after him he'll just step on it.
Gary asked Shuli about talking to Debbie on the phone. Shuli said that it's like a roller coaster ride. He said she's yelling and then crying and then calm within seconds. Gary said that he thinks she'll get applause when she shows up.
Shuli said they have Sour Shoes coming to the show on Friday night. Ronnie said he didn't consult him on that. Shuli said he went over his head and that didn't take much. Shuli said that JD works on some stuff before the show and Ronnie really doesn't care. He said JD has given up on that and he's taking the Ronnie approach of not caring.
Jon took a call from Pete in Pittsburgh who said that Gary is always downplaying the callers to the show. Gary said that Pete is just upset that he called him out for that voice mail he left about getting sick of the show. He said that they don't hate him or love him, they'll just pick up his call if they want to take it. Pete said Gary is just downplaying the callers. Pete said he thinks that he's important to the show and he's been calling since 1996. He said he has contributed content to the show for 15 years. He said Gary hasn't been that interesting since he wrote his book. Gary said he doesn't even know what that means. Gary asked if he wants a hotline to the show or something. Gary said he listens to his messages and he's always insulting. He said that's the way he gets on the show. Pete said he knows Gary's tactics and he's rude to him too. Pete said he met him at a strip club and he knows more about Gary than he thinks he knows.
Gary said that maybe Pete was an asshole in Ft. Lauderdale and maybe that's why he was rude to him. Gary said maybe he was an asshole like he's being right now. Benjy said he's a fan of Pete's. He said he finds him entertaining. Gary said he does too. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has been lax, or as Octomom says, lackadaisical. He said she's coming in today. He said he's seen some of her porno and he'll talk about that later. Howard said he's been holding off on giving away Roger Waters The Wall tickets so he has to do that today. He said he's been waiting for some game he was going to do but he doesn't have anything. Howard asked Gary what number the fans can call to give them away. Gary said it's 888-9-ASSHOLE but he only has a couple to give away. Howard said he wants to do it now so he can get them out before it's too late.
Howard said that he was thinking about Barbara Walters and how Howard TV came with him to The View. He said that Bill Getty had to lecture him before he went on the air and you can see that on Howard TV in the new Behind the Scenes show starting July 2nd. Howard said he had some audio of Bill lecturing him. Howard said he felt like a little kid being yelled at by Dad. Robin said they lectured him more than that Sandusky character.
Howard said he sat and listened to Bill and he didn't want to be disrespectful. Howard played the clip and Howard was in his dressing room when he got the lecture. Bill told Howard they have a delay and he asked Howard to remember that. Howard said he won't need it. Bill started over and made sure Howard heard what he had to say. Bill told him he has lawyers who talked to him 25 times that morning.
Howard said he wanted to leave right then and there. He said he really did. Howard said that guy has some deep voice too. Howard said he's not sure if he ever had a job as an announcer.
Howard played more of the audio and Bill told Howard not to rely on the delay. Howard told him he would be extremely professional and he's there to please. He told him to watch Barbara's mouth.
Howard said Barbara walked in after that and told him not to listen to him. In the clip Howard said there's nothing like a 58 year old man being reduced to a 7 year old. Howard said you'll be able to see that on Howard TV very soon.
After playing the song Howard said that song really was beautiful. Robin said she heard his explanation about why he doesn't want to do his old music. Howard said he thought about that last night. Howard said he gets the same thing about his old bits. He said he moves on since you did it already. Robin said as an artist you have to explore new ground. Howard said he did like his new song that he played too.
Howard said a couple of fans were so moved they wrote song parodies about Robin. He played one that Sal did about Robin's ''Sweet Vagine'' to the tune of ''Tonight, Tonight.'' Howard said Sal is her biggest fan. He said Sal is turned on by her. Howard said a lot of songs came in actually.
Howard said he had the Maria Menounos ''No-wah'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy named Noah. They took clips of Maria saying ''No-wah'' and called a guy named Noah and had her saying ''No-wah'' over and over again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that interview was incredible yesterday. Howard said he learned a lot and he thinks Billy is a great artist. Howard said he was listening to his album yesterday. He said he was on the Smashing Pumpkins web site and they have their music up there. He said that a lot of people were saying they went out and bought the album.
Howard said Little Mikey had a new song about Robin. He played that one and it was about Robin's boobs to the tune of ''Blue Moon.''
Howard said that song by LMFAO has become a song about Robin too. He played that one next. Robin said that was an annoying song. Howard said it was great.
Robin said it's funny that these guys pick any woman they can get when they have this pussy fever. She said he can't get away from her either because they had a kid together. Howard said he's hanging out with her now and he must be crazy.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night and he wanted to watch AGT. He said his mother wanted to watch it too. He said he doesn't even know when the show is on. He said last night they ran two reruns. He said he asked Jon what the schedule is. He's on the show and doesn't know. Howard said it's the most confusing roll out ever. He said he asked Jon if this is the way they did it in previous seasons. Jon told him they used to do it in a regular time slot.
Howard said Jon told him that one week it's going to be on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Jon came in and said that next week it's Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at 9 o'clock. He said the Olympic trials are starting next week so that's what's throwing things off. Jon said he thinks they move the Monday show back to 8 the week after.
Howard said he doesn't understand why they move it around like that. Howard said people are going to think the show isn't on. Jon said they'll probably have a scroll to say when it's on.
Howard said they can do what they want with the show but he's never seen anything like it. He said it's weird. Jon agreed that it is weird. Howard said they're getting good ratings at least. Jon said they are the top show in the country right now. Howard said that must mean he's famous.
Jon said that the live shows are going to air in a regular time slot. Howard said that's right. He said there's no way he's going to sit in Newark all day. he's showing up for an 8 o'clock show those nights. Howard said he isn't staying up later than he has to.
Howard said Sirius has been asking him to do something big and now that he is doing it, they're not using it to promote. Howard said this is the best thing to happen to Sirius and you'd think that they'd ask him to do something for him. He said they should do everything they can to encourage him to do a show but they do nothing. Howard said he has no dialog with anyone there anyway.
Howard said Wolfie came up with an idea to do a show at night. He said they're going to do that one night. Howard said they have a good idea for a show so they'll be doing that soon. Howard said he really doesn't understand network scheduling.
Howard asked if anyone is watching Falling Skies. Robin said she didn't know it was even back. Howard asked if she has a season pass for that. Robin said maybe she doesn't have it for that. Howard said he watches the show on TNT and it's just awesome. Howard said the first two episodes aired back to back the other night. Howard said that it's about aliens that attack and leave just a few humans behind. Howard said he's not sure why the aliens are killing us but they are. Howard said we're fighting back with firecrackers compared to their stuff.
Howard and Jon talked about that a little bit. Robin said she has to go back and watch that. She said she's done with True Blood. Howard said he thinks he is too. Jon said he's done too. Robin said the show is tedious and stupid now. Howard said everyone who becomes a vampire can deal with it but not this Tara character. Howard said that character is annoying. Jon said he's been saying that for a long time.
Howard said he doesn't care about werewolves. He said he loves the vampire guy on Being Human but he hates the werewolf. Howard said they really ruined True Blood. Jon said they're very confused with all of the different characters. Howard said they really just fucked it up.
Howard said Oprah is crowing about how she did this Kardashian interview and put it on her OWN network. Howard said when she was on daytime she did really well and had huge ratings. She would have guests on the show and they got their own shows and she made them big. Howard said she must be making huge money off of those too. Howard said he can't imagine the dough that rolls in for her.
Howard said Oprah got sick of working and took some time off. She wanted her own cable network and she must have figured everyone would watch because it was her network. Howard said she'll do a show on there once in a while and get a million viewers. He said that no one cares about the network when she's not on though. Howard said she had 50 Cent and the Kardashians on this week. Howard said it's just a vapid conversation with the Kardashians.
Howard played some audio of Oprah talking to the Kardashians. She was asking what they think they're famous for. One of the girls was saying that their TV show is what made them famous. JD came in and said that was just the part 1 of a two part show. He said the other part is coming up on Sunday. Howard said you have to run out of questions at some point.
Howard played more audio of Oprah talking to the Kardashians. They were talking about how they're not comfortable being famous even though they're on a TV show. Oprah said that no one would believe that. Howard said he believes it. Howard said they all have that vocal fry voice going on too. Howard did an impression of that. Robin said they have that nasally voice too. Robin said she liked them when they were on their show though.
Howard said Paris Hilton has kind of given up on the whole TV show thing. Howard said he liked her last show. Howard said it seems to be over for her though.
Howard played more of the Kardashian interview and goofed on their vocal fry voices some more. One of the girls was saying they don't use the word ''famous'' in their house. Howard said that whole family annoys him. He was hoping their show would go away just to teach them a lesson. He said he guesses that isn't going to happen.
Howard played more of the clip and one of the girls was talking about her fairy tale life. Howard said a couple of the girls have that vocal fry voice. Howard did his impression of that again. Robin said this shows how horrible an interviewer Oprah really is.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard did where they do their vocal fry voice when they call into a Swap Shop show.
After that clip Howard took a call from a woman who said that the Kardashians drive her crazy the way they say ''thank you.'' She said they say it like ''Think you.'' She did an impression of them for Howard and Howard said they're raking in the dough. Howard thanked her for the call and got back to some Oprah clips. Oprah and Kim Kardashian were going over Kim's failed marriage. She didn't say why she left.
Howard said he tells everyone everything and doesn't hold back. He said there are some things that he might save for a book but that folder is still empty on his computer. He said he doesn't think he'll sit down and write another book. He said he can't really remember stuff and he's not sure he'd be able to write something. Robin said he has to write about all of the meetings and things he's done since he got famous. Howard said he guesses he could write something like that but he doesn't want to.
Howard said he should have been taking notes all these years but he hasn't done that. He said maybe he'll start doing that today. Speech asked if he could write the Adventures of Fartman. Howard said J.F. Lawton wrote that already. Speech didn't seem to know that. Howard said he's talked about that many times.
Howard said that maybe he should write a book about flying roast beef like Jay Leno did. Howard wondered what that was even about. Gary came in and said he loved that book actually. He told Howard about how his son Lucas liked the book. Speech said he could write a book about a flying midget with Eric the Actor in it.
Howard asked Eric what happened to that book he wrote about Dougie the Puggie. Howard had Eric on the line and Eric thanked Fred and Robin for getting the name of the book right because Howard wasn't quite sure what it was.
Howard said there was a girl on AGT the other night who was a huge fan of his. Howard said if she lost 30 pounds she'd look like Pamela Anderson. Howard said maybe it's 40 pounds but she could be cute. Howard said if he wasn't married he'd do her... if she lost 40 pounds. Howard said he thought it was pretty cool she wanted to get on the show just to meet him.
Howard said Beth is reading that book ''Fifty Shades of Grey'' and he keeps asking if she's turned on by it but she's not. Howard said that he's not sure where all of the S&M stuff comes in. He said that he would tie her up if she wants to be tied up. He said Beth says she doesn't want it but she's turned on by it in the book. He said it doesn't make sense to him.
Speech asked if Beth has ever asked him to take her to strip clubs. Howard said he has taken her to a couple. He said he blew a load in his pants just watching her getting a lap dance from another girl. Howard said she was in his lap and the girl started to give a dance. He said he got hard and just blew a load in his pants. Howard said he told Beth what happened and she couldn't believe it. Howard said he had to get out of the club after that. He said he's glad he wore dark pants.
Howard said he hasn't been to a strip club in years. He said one of the Scores isn't open anymore. He said he was into it years ago but he stopped going after he got married. He said it would be weird if they went now. He said he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard said he's not sure what else he'd do to Beth. He said he did drip wax on some women when he was dating. He said he ate ice cream off of their vagina and things like that too. Speech asked if he peed on any of them. Howard said he didn't do that. He didn't want to pee on his bed. Howard said he did tie up one girl in a hotel and left her in the room for a while. Howard said he didn't know what to do once they were tied up though.
Howard said he went in the other room and just waited. Howard said one girl asked where he was going and he told her to just lay there and wait for him to come back. Howard said the idea is that they're sexually frustrated and they can't touch themselves. Howard said he did that and didn't even know why. He said he went back and put ice cream on her vagina and ate it. He said he tried that a few times with different women. He said he dripped wax on a woman too and she didn't think it was all that exciting.
Howard said he also tried tickling a woman. He said some of them aren't even ticklish. Howard said he would do that and it was so much work. He said all he really wanted to do was fuck them. He said he'd untie them and just do that. He said they'd immediately bang after he untied them. Howard said Beth just says ''Oh please'' when he says he's going to tie her up.
Speech asked if Beth has ever fantasized about a rape thing. Howard said Beth isn't into that. Howard said just having sex with her is great. He said it's nice to just have sex without a dog or cat in the bed. Howard said it seems like there's a cat in the bed all the time now. He said he did it once and the cat got up and left. Now the cat stays there. He said their cat Leon is 22 pounds and he's not easy to pick up. He said he has to beg Beth to move him. He said she knows how to move him.
Howard said all of their animals are sick. He said Bianca is 10 1/2 now and she's like their little baby. Howard said the other day she collapsed and she lost all control of her urine. Howard said Beth was crying and called him to help. He didn't know what to do. He said he was in tears himself. He said he thought they were losing her. Howard said all of a sudden she came back. Howard said he was saying this is the problem with loving things. He said Beth told him he had to be strong. He said he can't stand this and told Beth she's in charge of this.
Robin asked if he ever lost a pet. Howard said he lost his cat Shera. He said he cried when that happened. He said they were all blubbering when that happened.
Howard said he really loves Bianca. He said the doctor told them to watch her for 24 hours. They canceled plans to stay home and watch her. Howard said they decided to go into town for a few minutes and they were gone 5 minutes. He said the housekeeper called and said the dog fell down the stairs and she lost control of her urine again.
Howard said they took the dog to a vet on Staten Island. Howard said he's the best guy out there and he just retired. Howard said they asked him to just treat their dog because they're famous. Howard said he didn't want to do it. He said the guy figured out that her heartbeat is irregular and she's fainting. Howard said he says it's a miracle that she didn't break every bone in her body. Howard said he sat Bianca down and told her she can't die on him now. He said she stares at him like she knows. Howard said he tells her to just pull her shit together. Howard said she's going to make him the laughing stock of the world.
Howard said he sits with his dog for 10 minutes in the morning and tells her he loves her. He said he doesn't know how much longer he has with her. He said she could last another 5 years but you never know.
Howard said their cat Apple is sick now too. He said she's got problems with holding her urine and she was throwing up all over the house. Howard said they have her on all kinds of medication and that could be some of the problem.
Howard said they have two other cats in the house now too. He said Leon is 22 pounds and it's like having another dude in bed with him. He said they take the cat out of the room to have sex and he doesn't even last that long. He said the cat will start banging his head into the door to get in the room. He said it's like a crazy house.
Speech said Howard cracks him up. Howard said he's glad his misery cracks him up. Howard asked Eric if he was still there. Eric was there. He was just listening. Howard said he has to go because Octomom is there. He said she wants to ride the Sybian. Howard said she's had so many kids he's not sure she'll be able to feel anything down there.
Howard said Eric's parents must feel the same way about him that he and Beth feel about Bianca. Eric wasn't supposed to live past his teens. Eric has been holding on all these years. Howard said he's attached to Eric at this point. Eric said he was calling to help with his AGT thing. Howard said Eric is an AGT expert.
Eric said he was trying to figure out how they're going to work the 48 performers thing on the live shows. They break it down into groups of 12. Eric said they do 12 each week for four weeks.
Howard said he has to get on that live part of the show because he's ready. He said next week you'll see the Vegas shows and then they'll be doing the live shows in July. Howard said he already knows who will win in his head. Howard said he's going to say what's on his mind when they're live. He said he'll tell the fans to step up and make it happen. Howard said he's not even all that thrilled with the guy he thinks will win... or girl.
Eric said on the 27th of July they're going to be shifting the show around. Howard said they're not on for two weeks at the end of July. Eric said he was wondering about that. Howard said they get two weeks off for the Olympic coverage. Howard said that will help with his time off.
Speech asked if he would put Eric on AGT. Howard said he was in San Francisco during the taping. Howard said he took care of Eric. Robin said that duet between Crackhead Bob and Elephant Boy was something that should have been done on AGT. Howard said he missed that this morning. He asked Fred to play some of that for him. Fred found the clip and played it for Howard.
Howard said there are some people on the AGT forums who hate him for putting that girl in the pink dress through but didn't put a little dancer through. Howard said he put the pink dress girl through because he knew Sharon and Howie wouldn't put her through. He said he can't believe people can be that dumb.
Gary said he and Scott DePace were kind of grossed out by the guy who made mouth love. Howard said that someone thought he was really offended by that but he was making a joke. He wasn't that offended.
Howard was going to get off the phone and go to break but Speech said ''fuck Melrose Larry Green'' so Howard picked up on Larry and asked what's going on with them. The two of them ended up talking over each other so Howard had to ask Melrose what his problem is. Melrose said that Speech was bad mouthing him on some internet show. Howard asked Speech why he did that. Speech said Larry had a dumb radio show and he always begged him to come on his show. Howard cut them off and said he had to go. He said it was like two mental patients. The two of them were still yelling at each other and calling each other names.
Howard said he'd give them a quiz to find out who the big fan really is. Howard said whoever gets the most is going to be the ''major league'' fan. Howard asked Speech what his middle name is. Speech said it was Allan. Howard said he's right. Melrose was asked what the call letters of his Washington DC station was. Melrose said it was WJFK. Howard said that's acceptable. He said the original was DC101. Howard asked Speech what branch of the military Robin was in. He said Air Force and got it right. Howard asked Melrose about KC Armstrong being on the show and what the K in KC stood for. Melrose thought about it and said that it was Kalvin. Howard said that's incorrect. Howard said Speech can steal right here. Melrose said that KC owes him $700 actually. Robin said he'll never get it. Speech didn't get that one either. Howard said that the K stands for Kyle.
Melrose and Speech started to call each other names again. Howard cut them off and asked Speech what the name of Howard Stern's summer camp was. Melrose said that he knows that one. Speech didn't get it. Melrose got it when he said Wel-Met.
Melrose started calling Speech more names. Howard said he had a tie breaker question now. Howard asked Speech who Howard's running mate was when he ran for governor. Speech didn't know. Melrose knew it was Stan Dwarkin.
Gary asked why Larry was calling Speech an anti-Semite. Melrose said he just wanted to say that. Melrose kept calling Speech a ''fag boy'' over and over too. Howard said now Melrose can say he's less of a loser than Speech. He cut them off and hung up while they were still yelling at each other. They went to break after that.
Howard came back laughing at the prank call that Fred was playing. He let the Springsteen song play a little bit and said that's a beautiful song. Howard said he should sing that to Robin. Robin said it's her favorite Bruce song. Howard asked if it's a turn on to hear a guy singing to another girl. Robin said she just feels something with the mood of the song.
Howard asked how long it'll be before Psyche or Little Mikey writes a song parody about Robin's tits. Howard made up his own song and said he can hear it now. He said he's sure it's coming.
Howard said the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, is coming in now. He said Nadya has 14 children. He said she looks good. Her boobs were popping out when she came in. Nadya said she's doing great but Robin said she's not and they all know it. Nadya said she really is doing good.
Howard said that Nadya did the kid thing and she has 14 kids that she has to deal with. Howard said they have a picture of her up on HowardStern.com today. Howard said he can smell her from there. She was heavily perfumed.
Howard said Nadya told them that she would never do porn. He said she said it wasn't her and that's just something she didn't want to do. Howard said Nadya thought she could figure out a way to support the kids without going to porn but she was wrong. Nadya said she tried to get food stamps and she was so embarrassed that she had to do something. She said they're off food stamps now that she's doing this. She said she's thankful for having hit rock bottoms. Nadya said it was the most humbling thing to happen to her. She asked who she is to judge anyone now.
Howard asked if she told the people who she was when she called about the food stamps. She said they told her that they were shocked that it took so long for her to call for help. She said that they were like angels and they came and helped. She said they've been off the food stamps for a few months now. Howard said they must have brought the stamps down in crates. Nadya said that it's like $4,000 a month in food alone for her and the kids.
Howard said he heard that her house is in foreclosure. Nadya said that she had an arrangement and she just found out yesterday that it is so she has people working on it. Nadya said she has a real estate agent working to negotiate for her. Nadya said the house isn't in her name. She said it's in the old owner's name but she was paying for it. Howard said he's not sure how she can live like this. Nadya said she has so many opportunities coming her way and she can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Howard asked Nadya about this deal she signed where she said she will only masturbate. She's not having sex with men in the porn. Howard said that she had to teach herself how to masturbate. Nadya started to bleed when she started to do it. Nadya said she is very small and she only had 4 of the kids naturally. She said she's been celibate for many years. She said she hasn't been with a man in 13 and a half years. She said she had a boyfriend back then and she could count the number of times she did it on her hands. Nadya said that she is attracted to men but she doesn't touch them. She said she's not attracted to herself but she touches herself.
Howard asked Nadya if she was molested or anything like that. Nadya said she never was. She said she grew up being taught that it was wrong to touch herself.
Howard asked how she learned how to masturbate. Nadya said she learned from Jessica Drake. Howard said she's one of the top porn attractions in the world now. Nadya said the crew were very respectful and that's why she was able to relax on the set.
Howard asked Nadya about getting naked and doing this for the first time. Nadya said she was comfortable doing the whole thing. Howard asked what they paid her to do it. Nadya said she's not even sure. She said they have been so respectful with this whole thing. Howard asked if she's afraid to tell them what she made. She said that they have total power over the whole thing and she hasn't made nay money yet. She said that it depends on how many they sell. She said today is the big release day. Howard said it doesn't sound like a total rescue yet.
Howard had the guys bring in Jessica Drake to talk about how she helped Nadya. Jessica came in and said that she's been with Wicked pictures for 8 years now. She told Howard that she's with Brad Armstrong who directed Nadya's film. She said that his specialty is making women look really beautiful. She said that they've been together for 9 years. Jessica said that she was speaking at UCLA that morning and she's been teaching people about sex. Howard asked what she can teach and if she can help him out with his premature ejaculation. She said she has some tips for him. She said that he can practice masturbating and then stopping and squeezing that can help delay the orgasm.
Howard said he has beaten off the last two nights and he should be able to hold out tonight so he'll give that a try. He said he doesn't think it works though. He said women just feel too good. Howard said he can't hold out with a beautiful woman. Howard said he can't hold out with his wife because she's so good looking. Howard said maybe if he bangs only ugly women he could hold out.
Howard got back to Nadya's story and asked what her boyfriend told her. Jessica said she had met Nadya a bunch of times. She said that she was at the house for wardrobe and things like that. She said that Nadya was nothing like what she expected.
Howard said he was surprised that Nadya's boobs looked as good as they did. He said he expected them to be really saggy. Nadya said that she had a breast reduction. She said she was very big even as a teen.
Howard asked Jessica if she could tell Nadya how to masturbate now. Nadya said that she was just soothing and she imitated what Jessica did. Jessica said that Nadya was doing some pretty girl tease and she was caressing herself and Nadya would do what she was doing. She said that once she got the feel of what she was doing she started to do her own thing. Howard asked if Jessica put her finger in her ass. She said she didn't do it that day but she does it usually. Nadya said she doesn't think her finger would fit in her's.
Nadya said that she tried to put the shiny thing in herself but she had issues. Howard asked what's going on with this whole thing. Jessica said that she thinks that Nadya doesn't have any confidence in herself. She said she doesn't think that she'll end up fucking a guy in a film. Howard said he thinks she will. Jessica said they didn't offer her a certain amount of money to do something she didn't want to do. She said that she's just doing what she wants to do.
Nadya said that she has nothing but positive thoughts these days. Jessica said she sent Nadya home with a vibrator. Nadya said she took a small one home and that was perfect. Howard asked if she has masturbated since she did the movie. Nadya said she doesn't have time to do it with the 14 kids.
Howard said Nadya wants to sit on the Sybian today. Nadya said she's looking forward to it. Jessica said she thinks that it's going to be great and Nadya can deliver those wild orgasms. Howard said Jessica might be like a vagina whisperer. Jessica said she likes to enable people to love sex. Howard said he's never seen Jessica before. He asked if she has ever been a babysitter in any of her porn. She said she actually has.
Howard said this is a big change for Nadya. She said it really is and she faced her biggest fear of revealing her sexuality. Howard said she just has to be open and remember that's not roast beef down there. Jessica said that her vagina is really cute. She said it's very small. Very, very small. Jessica said she's a fan of a beautiful vagina and she has one.
Howard said he thinks that Nadya is into women and she just doesn't want to admit to it. Nadya said she's going to plead the Fifth.
Howard said Nadya is going to ride the Sybian now. Jessica was going to help and coach her. Howard had the guys help Nadya get on the Sybian. Howard said she really does have a small vagina. He said it almost doesn't exist.
Jessica showed Nadya how to sit on the Sybian. Nadya wasn't sure where to sit. She didn't know what the bumpy parts were for. Gary helped her out too. He told her where to sit. Howard said they'll start her out at 20 percent. Will said that he heard she was going to get topless for this. She said she was afraid. Howard said she can do whatever she wants. Nadya asked if she could look at Jessica for this. Howard said she can because he thinks that she's lesbian anyway.
Howard gave Nadya some plugs for her new video that's out today at Wicked.com/Octomom
Howard had the guys start the Sybian. Nadya was out of it within seconds. Howard told Gary to turn it up from 20 percent to 60 percent a few seconds later. Nadya was trying to enjoy it and Jessica tried to help her relax. Nadya didn't know what was going on. She was moaning like she was in pain. She kept saying ''Oh shoot!'' and ''Oh god!'' while it was running. Robin was cracking up. Jessica told her to just let it go. Nadya moaned and said ''Oh no!'' and Jessica told her ''Oh yes!'' Nadya asked them to stop a short time later. Howard told Gary to bring it down. Gary kept going up and down for a few more seconds.
Nadya asked what the heck that was. Howard asked Nadya what happened there. She said something happened. She said it worked. She said she's kind of embarrassed though. Nadya asked if they're the only ones who will see it. Howard said everyone who has Howard TV will see it. She said that's not good.
Howard asked how many orgasms she had. Nadya said that she can't remember. She asked who invented that thing. Howard said it was Dave Lampert. Howard said that this is a whole new you. He said that she went from not even talking about sex to riding the Sybian. Nadya said she's becoming a woman. Howard said they're seeing the rebirth of Nadya. Nadya said that all she can say is ''Wow!'' She said she's very talkative too.
Howard said that Jessica is an excellent coach. He said that she is a loving and caring woman. Howard said he's sure that Nadya's video will burn up the internet. He said that her video is called Home Alone and it's available today. Nadya said she hopes the kids never see this. Howard said they will. He said she'll have to move them to China.
Howard said that Nadya will be at a celebrity pillow fight in Pennsylvania and you can get tickets at Ticketweb.com.
Howard told Nadya that she shouldn't wear fishnets. He said they're not hot. Nadya said she wanted to cover up some tattoos and stuff. Howard asked if she left anything on the Sybian. She said she didn't want to know. Will told her it was kind of wet and it had a smell. She just said ''Oh no!'' Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Octomom was faking the orgasm. Howard said he had never heard a noise like that. Robin said that any stimulation in that area might frighten her. She said that she's so afraid of her sexuality that she can't deal with it. Howard said she sounded like she was caught in a trap like an animal.
Howard said that's going to be good Howard TV though. He said he's not sure she was orgasming but something was going on. The caller said she was just annoying. Howard said Jessica Drake was pretty hot. He said she knows how to pose. He said she was sticking her ass out and all of that. Howard said the Oprah network just bought that clip to air so they can get a 2 ratings instead of a 1.
Howard said he just read about what Oprah wanted to do with her network when she started it. He said on April 8th she had Bishop TD Jakes and then Gloria Steinham on April 15th. Then on the 22nd she went to India. Howard said on the 29th she had the women of India on the show. Howard said you see when things turn and they tell Oprah that she has to do something else. Howard said on May 20th Carrie Underwood was on. Now she has the Kardashians and 50 Cent on her show. Howard said there's no more TD Jakes.
Howard said he has a clip from KFNX in Arizona. This woman is calling Obama a monkey and the host doesn't even realize what she's doing. Howard said it's so offensive but she says that it's free speech so she can do what she wants. Howard played the clip and she was calling him a monkey. Howard said after she did that she went on her web site and said that she did say that and she does think that we're all descendants of apes so all of us are monkeys. Howard said people have gone nuts. Howard said he's sure that Oprah will have her on the show soon.
Howard played some audio of Nadya's orgasm from earlier. Howard said it sounds like a horror movie and a lawn mower is hacking someone up. Howard said that coach chick was way proud of her. Howard said he feels bad for those 14 kids. Robin said she's home schooling them. Howard said he can't imagine how she'd get them to school anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he vomited on his way to work and he thinks if they played it on a loop he could lose 15-20 pounds today. He said that thing was disgusting.
Howard said he has a baked potato and broiled salmon in the afternoon. He said he only eats about half of that. Howard said he had broccoli, steamed shrimp, string beans and a little brown rice for dinner last night. He said he's down 3 pounds so that's something for him. He said he can fit into his AGT outfits now.
Howard said it's so depressing not fitting into his pants. He said if you buy new clothes you have to lose weight. He said he dropped a waist size already. He said he may pass out but he'll only be out for a minute or two. He said he's going to be so tired for those AGT live shows. He said he may be in his pajamas by the time the show starts.
Howard said Sharon has a calming influence on him. He said he'll put his head in her lap and pass out. Robin asked if he wrote to Sharon about Jack yet. Howard said he did write to her. He said he heard that Booker tried to write Robin a note but he had her old address. Howard said Sharon gave him her information but it was like a top secret mission. He said he had to get her information from her assistant and it's a whole thing.
Howard said he was reading about MS since Jack Osbourne came out and said he has it. Howard said they say that some people can live a normal life like they don't have anything but others get full blown out MS and it ruins their body.
Robin said someone was talking about how Howard went to a party and it was ruined because they didn't have food for him right away. Howard said that when he has a party people eat as soon as they get there.
Howard said he makes himself egg whites in the morning and he uses 4 of them for that. He said he wants to have a bagel or something. He only eats about a quarter of it and throws the rest of it out. Robin said some people gut the bagel and eat only the outside. Howard said Ralph does that.
Howard said he eats just a little bit of bagel at a time. He said he stares at the garbage pail full of bagel. He said it's torturous. He said that he feels good when he puts his pants on though. He said he still has a belly and he's not ripped. He said he's going to start to use an Ab wheel. He said hopefully that will help. Howard said he's started to use that thing and it's so hard that he ends up farting. He said he doesn't care but then Robin said he does too. Howard said she's right and he does care.
Howard played the clip and the guy is calling the baseball game and he says the go ahead run is at fifth. Then he starts rambling about henchmen and a botched robbery and gets kind of weird so they took him off the air. Howard said that's so terrifying. Howard said life is terrifying. Howard said you become attached to people and pets and then they just die. Howard wondered what would come out if he started doing that. He said it would probably be about Nadya and her orgasm.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that True Blood is like a dark comedy. Howard said they had better get back to the dark and away from the comedy. The caller said they broke into silly love songs at one point. Howard said he must have missed that. Howard said the show has to get better quick.
The caller asked if he had the Roger Waters tickets. Gary said they gave them all away earlier. The caller said he tried to call in earlier but he didn't get through. Howard said he's sorry but they gave them all away already.
Howard played more of Nadya's Sybian ride. Robin said she just had to laugh at one point because it was so ridiculous.
Howard said Wolfie has been out doing interviews. He said he asked some people if they voted in ''yesterday's election'' and they all said they did. There was no election. Howard played a clip of a woman saying that the lines were too long to get in to vote. Howard played another one and the guy said he voted for Obama. Howard said they made it very clear that they were asking about the election ''yesterday'' and people lied about voting.
Howard said he has more Wolfie interviews to play. He had a bunch from various events he went to. Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing someone at a Comic-Con. Howard said he had one of Anthony Michael Hall. He had Erin Grey too. Howard played the Erin Grey interview that he played recently. Here's my rundown of that clip from June 6:
Howard said Anthony Michael Hall was there at Comic-Con. Howard said he's a pretty good guy. He said he's a big fan of the show too. Howard said he's going to save the rest of these for later. He said he has audio of Erin Grey and they asked her a goofy question and she answered it seriously. Howard said she thought she influenced the world. Howard played that clip. Howard said she should have told Wolfie to get out of there but she actually said that her role on Buck Rogers was very powerful and changed a lot of young women's lives. Erin said she gets a lot of women telling her that they got into the Air Force because of that role. Wolfie asked if she's ever had violent squirting diarrhea. She said she didn't but Pepto Bismol always works for her. Robin said she loves that Comic-Con gathering.
Howard played the Anthony Michael Hall interview next. Anthony was talking about Howard's money and how he loves him. He asked if he could borrow him a few thousand. Anthony said that he thinks Howard is doing great on AGT too. Howard said he liked him in those movies he was in as a kid.
Howard played a clip of a Black Batman that Wolfie interviewed. Here's my June 6th rundown:
Howard said he had a clip of Black Batman. Wolfie asked him some questions and the guy was dressed as Batman but he was black. Wolfie asked if anyone had asked him why he was dressed like that. The guy said that it doesn't matter what color you are. Everyone can do cosplay. Howard said he can't figure out why this guy isn't at his job.
Howard said that he played a few of these other clips before. Howard said he must have gotten to most of them. Howard said he played one of a guy dressed as the Killer Moth. He replayed a little bit of that one as well.
Howard said that Wolfie ran into the guy who played Captain Pike on Star Trek. Howard said he's apparently a fan of the show. Howard and Fred got into a discussion about that character but Howard didn't know what Fred was talking about so he gave up on the discussion.
Howard played the clip of Wolfie interviewing Captain Pike and he didn't want to talk about women shaving their private parts. Wolfie asked what he thinks about Howard on America's Got Talent. The guy said that he knows Howard was enamored with the Captain Pike character because he's heard that from some people. He said he hopes to meet Howard some day because he has some stories about Captain Pike. Howard wondered what kind of stories he could possibly have.
Howard played an interview Wolfie did with a convention visitor. The guy told Wolfie about the poster he was getting signed and how he had to get just a couple more autographs and it would be complete. Wolfie offered the guy $1,500 for the poster and the guy turned it down. Wolfie also asked how much he's spend on this stuff. The guy said he's spent a lot and he's 29 and still lives at home. Howard said if he was 29 and living at home he'd do whatever he had to do to get out of that house. The guy said that he had to live at home because of a money issue. Howard said he would watch that guy on TV every night. He said he's at the Comic-Con instead of being down at the local Wendy's filling out an application.
Howard said he had another Comic-Con interview. Wolfie asked that guy what he does. He said he works at a Shop-Rite. He was spending about $500 at the convention. The guy said it was about a week's paycheck but it's just once a year that he does it. He said he has rooms and rooms of boxes of Star Trek stuff at his parent's house. The guy said he has a shed full of stuff too. Howard said he can just imagine having a kid like that. He wondered what age the mom gives up hope. He said it must be 30 if the guy is 36 now.
Howard said he has a couple more interviews to play. This guy was wearing a medical outfit from Star Trek. Howard said you'd think he'd dress up as Shatner or someone else from the show. Wolfie asked the guy what these guys charge for autographs. He said that Patrick Stewart charges $75 but most are $25-30. Wolfie asked him to say something in Klingon. The guy said a line a few times. Howard figured it meant ''I live in my parent's basement.'' Wolfie had that guy say ''Kahn!'' the way Shatner did in the Star Trek movie.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking another guy do the ''Kahn'' line. That guy had to do it a few times before he got it right. Howard said he needs to take a break. He said they just toured the world of comic books without going to Comic-Con. He did a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard thanked Jon for explaining what Fred said. He said he'd like Jon's explanation to be left in the show where Fred's explanation was. Howard said that he's glad he found Jon. Fred said he was the one who found Jon. He said he read about him in an article and that led to him coming on the show. Gary backed up that story and said that Fred was the one who found the Jump the Shark article and passed it along to him. That's how they tracked him down and got him on the show. Howard said Fred hired his own interpreter. Howard said that was the last guest Fred ever booked too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves AGT and watches it every day it's on. Howard also took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that the show is on Monday-Wednesday next week. Howard said they already said that this morning. Jeff asked if he had a game to play today. Howard said he doesn't and Jeff has asked that a lot lately. He said Jeff has won a lot on the show and he doesn't have anything for him today.
Howard said he had to check his grab bag to find out what he had in his grab bag. He had Fred play a door opening sound and then him walking down the stairs. Howard said he just found Fred's Sports Illustrated from 1999. He said he didn't see any games in the bag. He kept looking though. Howard shuffled through some paper and Fred played some smashing and breaking stuff. Howard said he found Sal's cum rag. Fred had a sound effect for that. Howard said he found Richard's toothbrush. He said they can throw that out. Still no games.
Howard said he found Tim's fat jeans in the grab bag. He said he can give those back to Tim now. Howard said he's bursting out of his new jeans. Howard said he just found some skulls of interns that Tracey killed for not doing their work. He said the last words they heard were ''douche bag.''
Howard told Jeff he found nothing. Jeff asked if Gary had anything. Howard said he really doesn't have anything.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wasn't a fan of the show but her husband listened. She said she started listening on her way to work and she fell in love with him. Howard thanked her for that and let her go.
Another caller asked Howard to play Octomom's Sybian ride and play it along with that Led Zeppelin song where they do that yelling like she was doing. Howard said that they do that in the middle of Whole Lotta Love. Howard said he'll try to get it going. Fred found the song and played that while playing the Octomom orgasm clip. Howard said he did it and the caller said it was perfect. Howard let the song play a little longer. They kept playing more and more of the Octomom orgasm stuff throughout the song. Robin was cracking up saying this was great. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said it's time for news. Fred played her in with a song parody from the Bleeding Deacons. Howard said those guys are so talented. He wondered where they were during the AGT auditions.
Robin read about how Kristen Stewart is the highest paid woman in movies right now. Howard said that she has done really well with some of her movies lately. Robin said they say she made 34 million in the past year. Howard said that's pretty great. He said she's a triple threat. He's not sure she can act though. Robin said she seems to be the same person in every role. Howard said she's hot in some weird way. Robin said she's very pretty. Howard said she wears sneakers to award shows and that does nothing for him.
Robin said Alec Baldwin is back in the news for beating up a photographer. Howard said that's the Alec they'd like on the show. He said he doesn't want the nice guy. Howard said Alec went out to get his wedding license and it's kind of a drag because so many people get involved with you. Howard said people are going to say hi and want to meet you. He said this guy has no ability to anticipate some of the shittier things about being famous. Howard said there's a tradeoff. He said you have to accept the shitty parts of being famous. He said some guy is going to take your picture and you just have to deal with it. Howard said he had a sheet over him going into City Hall and he beat the guy up. Robin said that Alec told him to stop or he'd knock his f'ing teeth out. Robin said now Alec is spinning the story his way. She had some audio of him talking about it on the Today show. Howard said this is the same guy who got kicked off a plane for not putting away his iPhone while playing Words with Friends. Howard played the clip and Alec explained that the guy lunged at him and he doesn't just go after every photographer. He said that's the furthest thing from the truth.
Howard said they have to get angry Alec in there. He said he's like the Hulk. He said they end up with Dr. Banner when he comes in. He said he likes the Hulk Baldwin better. Howard said that would be a great SNL bit where he turns into Hulk Baldwin when he gets angry. Howard said you just have to go with the flow, man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he really enjoyed the interviews he's been doing lately. He said the Adam Carolla and Jimmy Fallon interviews were a couple he liked. Howard said he loved interviewing Billy Corgan yesterday. He said that was easy because he likes the guy so much. Howard went right into another live commercial after that.
During the commercial Howard mentioned he did a photography session for a friend recently. Robin asked if he charges for it. Howard said he wants to make that move where he asks people to donate to a charity. He said he feels funny doing that though. He said he has a web site set up but he hasn't given it out to anyone yet. He didn't say what it was. (ConlonRoadPhotography.com)
Robin read about John Edwards' mistress and how she's back in the news after writing a book. Howard said Edwards is so struck by her vagine that he can't get away from her. Robin said this woman, Rielle Hunter, wrote horrible things about him in the book too. Howard said he hears that she has a very small vagina, even smaller than Octomom's. Robin said that she writes about her affair with John and also about John's wife. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about her affair in some interview.
Robin read about how some guys are becoming stay at home dads. Robin said that the numbers have doubled in the past 10 years. She read the details of that study.
Robin read about police releasing 9-1-1 recordings of Rodney King's wife reporting his drowning. Howard said he's glad he's not a 9-1-1 operator. He said he'd have a hard time understanding what they're saying. Howard said that's a tough job. He went into another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a jury in Texas deciding not to indict a man who killed a man after catching him molesting his 4 year old daughter. Robin said that some people told the dad they saw the guy leading the girl off. The guy beat the guy to death. He died before rescuers got there. Howard said the guy is a hero. Robin said he won't be brought up on charges. Howard said in Texas if you see a dude raping your daughter you can shoot them dead. He said if you beat a guy then the law says that you subdued the guy at some point and you could have stopped beating him. Howard said you can make an argument that you weren't sure. He said that they could have brought this guy up on charges and he's glad they didn't. Howard said you could care less when you're beating someone senseless.
Robin said that Jerry Sandusky's trial is going on and they say that they may have him take the stand. Howard said that would really ruin his case if he did that. Howard said most lawyers will tell you not to put your client on the stand. Robin said his wife took the stand and said she never saw him doing anything inappropriate. She said she did see boys coming and going from the house though. Howard said that's inappropriate.
Howard took a call from the woman he spoke to earlier. She said she had more questions. Howard said he thinks they were done. She said she's not done. Howard said he thinks they are done. She said she loves Howard and she only watches AGT because he's on it. Howard said they moved on after that. She thought Howard hung up before she got to say that. Howard said she got that in and that's why he thought they were done.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's interviewing skills are like the guy in Marathon Man when he takes out those tools. He said maybe this could lead to Howard doing a TV show on Comedy Central or something. Howard said he has been offered shows by two different networks. He said ABC was one of them and he has talked about that before. Howard said he kind of screwed it up when he asked to be part of the news department and Peter Jennings said they would all quit if Howard Stern became part of it. Howard said he lost interest in that. He said they were very interested in doing it though. Howard said he thinks that he could do interviews like that on TV but it would have taken up a lot of his time. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how there are rumors about former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak being on life support. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how that may not be true. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that story.
Robin read about Marco Rubio possibly being considered to run for Vice President with Mitt Romney. Robin had some audio clips that they played during that story.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about slower growth in Europe keeping the U.S. from growing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about how funny Debbie the Pet Lady got about AGT. Howard asked if Robin was there for that. Robin said she was gone by then. Howard said Debbie thinks that he rigged it to keep her off the show. Howard said she really thinks that. He said it's pretty crazy. He said it's great though. Howard said even on his own show he doesn't pick everyone they have on.
Robin read about Roger Clemens being acquitted on his charges of lying to congress. Robin said that he doesn't have to go to prison but they're wondering if he can get into the hall of fame. Robin had some audio clips of someone commenting on that. Howard said the next big thing in congress is to investigate if Angelina Jolie has implants. Howard said everyone wants to know.
Robin read a story about how men are avoiding going to the doctor every year. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about why men may skip their yearly physical. Howard said he just booked his. He said he gets one yearly. Howard said he gets a chest x-ray every year and he may ask not to get one this year. He said he's not sure why they do that every year. Robin said they should be listening to your lungs and heart and checking your vital signs. That's about it.
Robin read about Yoko Ono having a new art exhibit. It's 3 piles of dirt that she brought inside. Howard said he saw that. Robin said that it's over in England and the critics are ripping her apart over it. They spent a minute talking about that and ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary said that Nadya claims that she's really tight down there but she gave birth to 4 kids down there. He said they kind of glossed right over that when she said it.
Jon asked Benjy what he thought of Octomom today. Benjy said he wasn't sure if the orgasm was real at first. He said he thinks it may have been. Gary said he saw that she had her hand down there and he wasn't sure if she was having an orgasm or if she was just leaning on it too hard.
Will Murray said that he's not sure what was happening there. He said she had to feel something down there. Will said they can usually tell when it's real and he didn't get that feeling today. Will said that Jessica was really hot though. Gary said she's very pretty but she's not real young. He said she's been around a while.
Gary said that Jessica was helping to keep Nadya calm on the Sybian. Will said that the Sybian pit crew can kind of freak the women out. Jon said that Gary was cranking that thing up by the end of the whole thing.
Jon asked how messed up they think Nadya really is. Gary said he thinks she's trying to find her way and figure things out. He said it's impossible to support 14 kids. He said that can't travel light. He said that she has to pay the bills somehow.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Nadya was on medication or something. Gary said she was a bit quieter today. will said he got the feeling she was on something just to keep her quieter today. Jon said she was speaking more slowly today. He said that she might be taking something to do that. Benjy said he did think about how she was more in control of talking today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Octomom was on Dr. Drew recently and she was looking all psycho on there. He said she was getting help from Drew with a Nanny and some other stuff. Gary said she was kind of in that state when they had her on the first time. Will said he thought that she was really sad today. He said it's like she hit rock bottom. He said she seemed to be really depressed in the green room.
Gary said he saw her touch an orange in the green room and he told her ''Nadya, touch it, take it.'' Will said that she asked if she could have a strawberry and he told her she earned it this morning. Gary mentioned that the fruit they had up there was from Jimmy Fallon.
Gary said he didn't have a problem giving her the ride on the Sybian today. He said he has given people like Buck Angel a ride on that thing so this was easy. They had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up the Wolfie interviews that Howard has been playing. Gary said he's sending Wolfie out to a lot of stuff and he likes that he doesn't stick out in the events. He said he does a great job and doesn't get rattled.
Jon asked about the Captain Pike thing and how Fred got involved. Gary said it's a hard thing to explain and he loves it when Howard and Robin gang up on him. He said Fred gets so angry when they do. Gary said he really turns on Robin quickly too.
Benjy said he thinks that it shows how much Howard can make something funny when he says he doesn't understand but then he buys into it and makes it entertaining.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard really irritated him talking about his dog today. He said he put his dog down and went to work the next day. He said Howard should get his head out of his ass and get in the groove of life. Gary didn't understand how Howard was abusing his dog. Jon said that Howard can't put the dog down because he loves it so much. The guys thought the caller was saying that Howard should put the dog out of her misery and move on. Jon said he thinks when it does happen Howard is going to take it rough. Gary said he is too. He said he has a dog that's 8 years old. He said that Brian Phelan is a man's man and he was so shaken up that he cried over his dog.
Will said that he doesn't get that whole pet owner thing. He said that you know the pet is going to die in a few years. Gary said there is a lot of joy from owning a pet and the passing only lasts a short time. Will said you're setting yourself up to heartache.
Gary asked Will if he's ever had any dogs. Will said they've had dogs but they were outside pets. Benjy said that Will faced death so he's wondering if people told people not to be friends with him and not get invested with him. Will said that's a good point.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary what Mary thinks about him operating the Sybian controls. Gary said she listens to the show and she thinks the whole thing is ridiculous and stupid. He said she thinks it's just stupid. Gary said he's just running electricity. He's not doing anything else. Will asked if he's ever gotten aroused. Gary said he's thought a couple were kind of cool but he's never not been able to stand up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard got on Gary for letting his dog sleep in his bed and now Howard lets his cats sleep on the bed. Gary said they'd like to go over Howard's rules that he's changed over the years. The caller said he knew a guy who had a cat sleep in the bed and he got an infection from cat crap in a scratch and he had to have his leg amputated. Gary said they don't let the dog get under all of the sheets. He said it's a lot of work but they don't let the pets all the way in.
Will said that Jason lets all three of his pets sleep in the bed and sometimes they scratch him. Gary said he had a friend who woke up to his dog licking his balls. He said he didn't stop it right away but he did eventually stop it.
Jon asked who would take it the roughest there when they lose a pet. Gary said it might be him. He said he tried to time it out with the dog so one or both of the kids will be gone from the house when the dog dies. He said he'd rather make a phone call than have the kids walk in on it.
Will said he thinks that Jason is the one who is going to take it the worst. He said he thinks of his pets as kids. He even calls them his kids. Will said he throws parties for them too. Jason said he has not thrown parties.
Jason said he loves his pets and he may give them more attention than he should. He said he goofs around like they're his kids but he's just joking around about it. He said he knows people who think their pets are their kids and that's not what they do.
Will told a story about Jason telling him that he was only with Janice, his wife now, because he got to hang out with her cat Olive. Jason said he did enjoy playing with the cat and it was a big pain in the ass to get to her house. He said that was a very long time ago though.
Jason said that Will is right about him waking up with scratches on his face after the pets sleep in the bed. He said that he doesn't even know where they come from at times. Jason said the cats are easy to get rid of but the dog is hard because they bark until you let them back in the room. Gary said his dog cries out in the hall. He said he had to change the handle on the front door of the house because his dog is able to open it too.
Jason said that sometimes the dog doesn't care but sometimes the dog will get right up in your business. Will asked if it does that while they're having sex. Gary said they will sniff around all over. Jason said that Gary's dog has huge balls too. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up Howard talking about dripping wax and eating ice cream off of girls. The guys talked about that. Will was asking Gary if he could be filthy with a one night stand and do the same thing with his wife. Shuli said ''Project much Will?''
Jason said that Gary told a story about banging a girl and the girl threw up and Gary kept going. Gary said that Mary hates that story.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Will sounds like an asshole and he's wondering if his wife shouldn't have gotten involved with him if he dies before she does. Will said that's not a very good analogy. Will said he just doesn't want to hear people whining when they lose a pet when you know it's coming.
Jason said he knows that in all likelihood that he'll outlive his pets. He said Will is right in that way. Will said the whole pet thing drives him nuts. He said that pigs are just as smart or smarter than dogs and we've decided it's okay to eat them but not dogs. Jason said he would eat dog if they had it.
Benjy said in Korea they keep peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as pets. Jason said that we're the only ones who keep pets in the world. Benjy said apes keep pets too. Will said he gets pets but it's still just a dog. He said that Scott DePace just goes out and buys another dog and it's all over. Jason said he feels the same way about adopted kids.
Gary said he wants to have his dog cremated when he dies. He said he has a statue of his dog in the yard and it's a beautiful statue. He said that it's a statue of Murphy and he'll bury the ashes there. Gary said it might be like putting his father's tombstone on his front lawn. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
In the clip Howard was talking about how hard he worked the day before. He said he was in a meeting with Tom for 2 and a half hours. He said he can't argue with Tom because Tom is incapable of changing his opinion. He said there is no discussion. He wondered why he wasted his time.
Howard said he saw three guys up there and it turned out to be the guys from ZZ Top. He said he's a big fan but he just let them be. He said he didn't want to bother them. Howard said he ended up meeting the guys and thought about what he could have said to them but he wasn't in the right mood. He said he's not sure that they knew who he was. He said he'd like to have them on the show so he thought about how he could tell them that. Howard said he just walked up to them and talked to the dudes with the beards. Howard said they're not fat like they look in their videos. Robin said she always thought they were. Howard said the guy who doesn't have a beard looks like he does in the video.
Howard said he met the guys and they just stared at each other. Howard said he felt like the kid in that video who they throw the keys to. Howard said he asked how they were doing and asked them to come on the morning show. He also said it was neat meeting the guys too. He said he was bleary eyed from that meeting with Tom so that's why he said ''neat.''
Howard said he has to meet with Tom again today at 10. He said his agent should really be the one doing this stuff but he has to do it.
Howard said he wanted to throw in Leslie West's name with the guys from ZZ Top. He said he was going to ask them to produce his next album. He wondered what he was doing and didn't do it. Howard said he didn't want to be a name dropper so he didn't do it. Howard said he thinks the guys knew his name but he wasn't sure.
Howard said he saw in the paper that Richie Sambora is dating Cher. He said they both hate them so they should have some interesting discussions.
Howard said the guys from ZZ Top did a promo for the show. Howard played that and then Gary said he saw them last night. Howard asked Gary to clear his throat. Gary did that and then told Howard about the new car they have for their new video. He said when the guys get out of their car they have to pull their beards straight. Howard said it's kind of like him with his hair. Robin said it's like a mini-blind and you have to pull it down.
Gary said those guys with the beards can make even pink baseball caps look cool. That's what they were wearing last night. Howard said he pictures those guys spinning their guitars when he sees them. Howard tried to get them on the show but he's not sure if that will happen. Gary said he heard them on Meg's show and they don't have a lot to say. Howard said he's sure he could get them to talk musically. He said that's how musicians work. Howard said all he really wants to do is smell their beards.
More Superman Screening Discussions. 06/21/06. 8:20am
Scott the Engineer came in and said that Robin sounded kind of low and he wanted to make an adjustment. Gary came in and told Howard that Tony Stewart was up there hanging out with Scott a few weeks ago. Ever since then he's had nothing but bad luck in his NASCAR races. He said that Tony has had 3 accidents, a dislocated shoulder and he's now down to 6th place in the championship. That's the kind of black cloud that follows Scott around. Howard talked about the time Scott sat at a table at a casino they were at and made him lose. He had to go to break after that.
Sal came in and said that the total was actually $210 after everyone threw in their money. Howard Sal to take a shit on the money so he tried to squat down and do it. The guys told him to stop but he had already pissed himself. Howard booted Scott out and said the show is not a joke to him. He doesn't need people collecting money betting on wether or not they can interrupt the show.
Scott apologized for what happened but Howard told him that it's not even about the money, it's about interrupting his show and putting his hands on the board during the show. He said Scot never does that and it had to be about the money. Howard said that just taking the money was wrong. Scott said he didn't want to take the money but one of the guys made him take it. Howard said Scott is always selling out for hardly any money. He wouldn't take a cock in his ass for $250,000 but he'll interrupt the show for $210.
Artie missed all of that because he was out at the deli so he had to catch up on it all. Howard didn't want to go through it again but he did fill Artie in on what had just happened. Artie said it's kind of funny in a weird way. Howard had to finish up the commercial he was doing and then got back to the regular show.
Wolfie Interviews About The Oil Spill. 06/21/10. 6:30am
Howard said they had some Wolfie interviews about the oil spill. Howard said people don't know what's really going on. He played the audio of Wolfie asking people what caused the spill. Some people were saying that it was caused by the government neglecting it. One guy was saying that he thinks that the oil spill will reach Philadelphia and it's going to contaminate the drinking water.
Howard played another interview and the guy was saying that it was God that caused the oil spill. The guy said he liked that because eventually he might be the only one left in the world. Howard said he used to think like that in the radio world. He used to hope that everyone in radio would lose their voice and he'd be the only one left.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did and the guy thought the water that was affected the most was in the Indian ocean.
Gary Falling Asleep Parodies, Interviews And Discussions. 06/21/10. 6:35am
Howard said Sal and Richard were up working on some stuff about Gary after they found out he fell asleep on the job. Howard said Gary had eaten like 7 black and white cookies. That led to Sal and Richard writing song parodies for him. Howard said they had alarm clocks for Gary and a lullaby for him. Howard said they went out on the street asking people how they felt about it and people were saying he's a jerk and he should be fired.
Little Mikey wrote a song parody about Gary's sleeping too. Howard played some of that and then some more of Sal and Richard's interviews about Gary falling asleep. There were many people who thought that Gary should have been fired. Howard said that Gary continues to be mad at Scott DePace over this. Howard said there are people who think that he should be the one to blame. Howard said he takes some of the responsibility for that. He said that he is the one who played it on the air.
Gary said his point is that it never should have gotten to Howard. Howard said he's right about that. He said that Doug and Scott came to him and told him about it and he had to play it. Howard said Gary is right about Scott though. He never admits he's wrong. He said he started blaming Jon Hein during the Wrap Up Show.
Scott came in and Howard told him he's kind of a creep. He played a Wrap Up Show clip where Scott was telling Gary that Jon and Will came back and didn't tell him not to play it for Howard.
Howard asked Scotty why he's like that. Scott said he was just pointing out what he saw. Howard said it's really his own fault for playing it. He said that he immediately accepted the tape when Scott and Doug brought it to him. Scott said this was Doug's idea in the first place. He said Doug was the one who put the tape in and recorded it. Howard said that he took responsibility for this and that's what Scott should be doing.
Howard told Scott to stop blaming other people and throwing them under the bus. He said he should just accept responsibility. Howard said he's not sure why Gary is so bummed about some of the stuff Scott was swaying. Gary said Scott was saying that he wouldn't have done it if he knew he was going to take all of the blame.
Gary said the more time he spends with Scott the less excuses he's finding for why he is the way he is. Scott said that he did betray Gary but he had plenty of times when he defended Jason when he was saying stuff about him. Gary said Scott can't be trusted. He's a lying cheat and he can't be trusted. Scott said that they've done hidden camera stuff before. Gary said he can't trust Scott and that's the end of it.
Howard told Scott that his problem is that he says ''but'' when he's accepting responsibility. Scott said that this was Doug's fault too. Doug got on the mic and told him to just accept responsibility. Gary came into the studio and said that Scott lacks any integrity. He said they sat down and had a conversation when they first started taping there. He said they talked about never using any tape from his isolated camera for any reason. Scott said it was Doug's idea.
Scott said he's sorry but Gary said he doesn't believe it and he doesn't care anymore. He said Scott is inhuman and he doesn't mean it.
Scott said that Gary should stop bringing this up if he's over it. Gary said that he didn't bring it up. Brian Phelan brought i up when he asked if they should turn the camera on. Gary said that Scott keeps saying ''but'' when he's apologizing. Scott said he said he betrayed Gary and he's not sure what else he's supposed to say.
Scott said he did betray Gary. Then he said that Doug also betrayed him. He threw Will Murray and Jon Hein into that mix too. He said they all saw the tape and they didn't try to stop him. Gary said that Scott is all about himself and it's that way in his own life and at work. Scott said he doesn't know anything about his personal life.
Gary said that Scott is selfish and he's sure that he's not the only one who has said that to him. Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Gary is mad at Scott when Gary is the one who fell asleep. Gary said he called Howard and apologized for falling asleep at work. That's not something that happens to him at work. Gary said he felt really bad about it. He didn't try to blame anyone else for it when he spoke to Howard. He told Scott that's how you take blame.
Scott said he apologized to Gary off the air. Gary said he did but then he went on the Wrap Up Show and gave all of those excuses.
Scott said this is bullshit. He said he left work early the week before and it was all approved by Doug but they thew him under the bus anyway. Gary said that they weren't trying to throw him under the bus. Gary said he didn't go and tell Howard or anything when he found out he left a day early for vacation. Gary said he threw him under the bus after Scott pulled out that tape of him. He said Scott is dumb.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Gary has ever fallen asleep during a Mets game. Howard said Gary hasn't fallen asleep before. He said this was just a one time thing. The caller said that Gary was probably asleep the day he was up there for his tour. He said he signed his name on a ball for him and he left out the R in Gary so it reads ''Baba Booey, Gay Dell'Abate.''
Howard said that Scott isn't coming off well in this. Gary said he doesn't come across well whenever he gets on a mic.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Gary was being a baby bitch about this. Gary said he's embarrassed by this and it was a trust thing. He said Scott fucked him. He said it's like he bent him over the desk, pulled his pants down and fucked him. Scott said that other people have done that to him too. Howard told Scott he has to stop throwing other people into this thing. He said that Scott isn't taking full responsibility and he's throwing everyone else under the bus.
Robin said that Scott was the one who sat with Gary and told him he wouldn't do this and he still isn't taking responsibility. Howard said this is like a guy gang raping a woman and the guy goes into court and tells the judge that everyone else did it too. He said he has to take some of that responsibility. Scott said he is.
Doug was telling Scott what he did and how he apologized to Gary. He said he could do the same thing and just get over it. Gary said he likes how he's trying to drag Jon Hein into all of this. Doug said that Jon is such a good friends but he didn't do anything to stop it. Howard said that he shouldn't be trying to ruin his relationship with Gary. Scott said he's not trying to do that. Howard said he's really a weasel. Scott said he knows that he's going to get email about him being a scumbag but that's the opposite of what he reads on SternFanNetwork.
Fred said that Gary did them a favor by letting them put that camera on him all the time. Scott said Gary was doing Howard TV a favor, not a personal favor.
Irish John called in and said they should put a shock collar on Gary and have the Howard TV guys keep him awake. John said that anyone could have walked by his office and caught him sleeping. Gary said they could have but they didn't. He said that this is all about Scott's promise to him to not use any tape. He said that's what this is about, not about the sleeping part.
Howard told Scott that he should just take responsibility and stop blaming other people. Howard told Scott he should have told Doug he made that promise to Gary. Scott said maybe he did. Howard said that he has to stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility. Howard said Scott is guilty and he has to stop bringing up Jon Hein and the other guys. He said it's up to them to deal with Gary.
Howard asked Gary if he feels any better for Scott. Gary said that Scott did apologize but then screwed him. He said they'll figure it out eventually. Howard had to go to break after that.
The Howard Stern Miss Tranny Contest. 06/21/07. 7:40am
After the break Howard said they decided to do something different and find the hottest transsexual out there. There's a $5,000 grand prize courtesy of HotMovies.com. Artie mentioned that he thought that Toula transsexual was pretty hot for a transsexual. Howard said he saw her in a bra and panties when she was on and he did think she was hot. Howard said he's pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to go all the way with her but he might have been able to get a hand job though.
Howard said that they got a total of 4 entries and narrowed it down to three and only two of them showed up this morning. He said that one of them tells people that she used to be a man and that she's married now. The other one doesn't tell anyone that she was formerly a man and she gets modeling work.
The first transsexual got her work done in 2006 and it cost just $8,500 in Thailand. Gary said that they learned a lot about this whole thing during the process. One person had just had his testicles removed but not his penis.
Howard had the first tranny come in. Her name was Susan and she thinks that she looks like an 8.5 on a scale of 10. She's the one who does tell people that she used to be a man. She sounded like a woman when she spoke. She said that she just got married earlier this month too. She said that her husband wouldn't do much with her when she still had a penis. She was living as a woman at the time but she still had a penis. Her husband claims to be heterosexual but was living with her when she still had a penis. She said that she's known this guy for 12 years and he didn't get interested in her until she started living as a woman.
Howard asked Susan if she's ever had sex with a woman. She said she didn't start dating until she started living as a woman. She said that she did penetrate a woman one time but she didn't like it at all. She was doing that as if she were a lesbian though so it was all very confusing.
Susan said that she has had orgasms after this sex change. She said that only one a week is about how many she can take. She said that the surgeries have gotten much better over the years. She said that it's incredibly painful though. She said that the worst part of the operation was the breast implants. She showed the guys the implants and Howard said they looked good. Gary said Artie looked like he was going to vomit. Artie said they did kind of look like boobs.
Susan also showed off her fake vagina and the guys said there was something odd about it. Fred said it looked like she got ''punched in'' down there. Gary said he read that she used to like rubbing against the mattress, kind of like Eric the Midget, when she masturbated when she still had a penis. Howard asked her about adopting kids and she said she'd love to do that some day but not right now. Artie said he had no idea what was going on right now after Robin asked him what was wrong.
Gary asked Susan what she and her husband did for sex when she still had a penis. She said that she would usually blow her husband. She said she'd keep her skirt on and stuff like that. She said that she never had anal with him. She didn't think that stuff was gay but Artie sure did. Howard asked her if she ever has an orgasm when she's got her husband banging her. She said that she has had orgasms, but only about 3. She said that she can get off better if she has him eat her out.
Artie asked her what kind of drug would be strong enough to make her husband eat her out. Everyone got a laugh out of that. Gary said that her husband was there so Howard said he had to talk to that guy. Gary went out to get him and brought him back a short time later. Howard asked him questions about the fake pussy and found out the guy thinks that it feels even better than a real one. He said that her pussy smells and tastes like a real pussy as well.
Susan said that she only likes to have sex once in a while and not multiple times a day like some people do. Howard asked the husband if he wants more. He said that he's happy with the way things are now. He also said that they have an open relationship so they can have sex with anyone they want. Susan said that she's bi-sexual and she really loves women. Artie asked her why she had to do the sex change thing if she was into chicks. He said that he didn't like having a penis and wasn't comfortable with her body. Susan said that she's been with other transsexuals as well. She said she hasn't had genital sex with them but she has done stuff with them. Howard found out the husband has been with other transsexuals as well. Howard let him go and said that Susan was sitting there naked for them.
Howard had the second transsexual come in. Her name was Jacklyn Foxx. Artie stood up to check her out when she came in. She was in a bikini according to Howard. He said that Jacklyn doesn't tell anyone that she used to be a man. She had a full head of hair so Howard asked her if it was all hers. She said that it was all hers and she's lucky that she has so much. She said that baldness doesn't run in her family. Howard said she claims that she looks like Cindy Crawford and considers herself a 10 on a scale of 10. She said that she gets hit on all the time when she's walking down the street. She said that a lot of men sleep with her and have no idea that she used to be a man. Howard said he'd have a hard time telling that she used to be a man.
Fred said that she has kind of a guy gut but it's not fat. He said that from the head down to the breast level it's fine but when you go below there, you can kind of tell that they're dudes. Howard asked Jacklyn if she ever told any guys that she was a man. She said that she's done that before and never had any problem with it. Howard asked Jacklyn if she can still orgasm. She said that she has multiple orgasms a day and doesn't have the problem that the other woman does. She said that she's also a squirter. Howard wondered if her doctors were better than the doctors in Thailand. She said hers was done in England so maybe they are better there.
Howard said he really would have a problem telling this person used to be a man. He had her dance a little bit for them and he said she does look like a woman. The guys asked Jacklyn if she'd sleep with Artie and she said that she'd have to have a couple of drinks first. Artie said that they've come full circle now, not even a dude with sleep with him.
Howard said that they were going to vote on the two girls now. He said that being crowned Miss Tranny is a big deal and asked the two girls if they were confident they were going to win. Susan said she thought it was a toss up but Jacklyn was confident she was going to win. Howard asked Robin what she thinks about the two women. Robin asked Jacklyn how long she's been post-op. She said it's been since 1997 but she's been living like a woman for most of her life. She said that she always felt like a girl even back when she was in high school.
Robin gave her vote and gave it to Jacklyn because she felt that they'd be best represented by her. Gary said that he loves Susan's spirit but gave his vote to Jacklyn. Fred said that Will was actually the most feminine of the three standing in there. He gave his vote to Jacklyn. Howard asked the girls to do their man voices but Susan wasn't able to do it very well. Jacklyn still had that man voice that she did for the guys. Artie said that Susan's husband actually looked more like a chick than these girls did. He said that if he had to fuck either of the girls he'd have to go with Jacklyn. Howard went with her as well.
Howard said that Jacklyn was getting $5,000 but gave Susan $500 courtesy of the Man Groomer. James Seibert from HotMovies.com came in to give Jacklyn her check. He said that they're up to 75,000 movies now so they've been growing quite a bit lately. He said that they even have some transsexual pornography on the site.
Howard thanked the trannys for coming in and then Artie asked Jacklyn to say ''wanna see my tits big boy'' in her man voice. She did that and got Artie laughing. Isaac from Howard TV asked if they wanted to get Jacklyn to ride the Sybian. Howard asked her if she wanted to do that. She said she'd do it and hopped right on.
Ralph said that one of the guys should be Miss Howard TV just to see how long they spend on the shoot. Howard got back to the Sybian ride and had Gary start that up. Jacklyn seemed a little shocked by the power of the machine. She started moaning and asking Gary to turn it down a little bit. Howard figured her man voice was going to come out any minute but she stayed in that female-like voice of hers. She eventually finished and asked Gary to turn it down. Artie said it sounded like she had just had her dick vibrated.
Jacklyn was still orgasming even after the machine was off. Artie asked a legal question and wondered if they have to wait to have sex with her until her vagina is 18. Howard said that was a pretty wild ride for her. He asked Susan what she thought about that. She said it was wild but she was more jealous of the $5,000 check she got. Gary said they really are on satellite radio because they couldn't do that on regular radio. Howard wrapped up with the trannys and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was on the phone with a guy who said he's a brother and he wants to know why he says that all brothers carry lotion. Howard asked the guy if he carries lotion. The caller said he does not. He said not all of them carry lotion. Howard did his black guy voice and said he wasn't trying to put down the brothers. He said he thinks that black guys have dry skin and stuff.
Howard asked what his African name was. The guy said his name is Charles. Howard said that's his master's name, not his African name. Howard said he has an African name and threw out some nonsense name.
Howard told the caller he should start a home computer company or something. He told the guy he can't breed with the white devil either. He said he'll have black babies with blue eyes. Howard said a woman won't have respect for him if he does that. Howard was still doing his black voice and talking to the guy like that.
The caller called his Russian girlfriend over to the phone so she could talk to Howard. Howard asked her if she was just relaxing with one of the brothers. She didn't believe it was Howard Stern. Howard was still doing his black voice. The woman was laughing and listening to the radio in the background.
The caller said he had to get going so he got off the phone. Howard got out of his black voice and got back to the show. He said that's the way they talk on those black gospel stations he listens to.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he and Jackie figured out what annoys them most about Scott the Engineer. Howard said that Scott makes a noise when he says something and it sounds like a thing in his throat like a ''chh'' sound. Howard said it sounds like Tourettes or something. Jackie said it was probably a laugh at some point but now it's just a ''chh'' sound.
Howard said he and Jackie were getting him to talk yesterday and every time he said something he made that noise. Howard said it's like when you say something and make a noise like you're frustrated. Howard said now Scott knows why he's so annoying. He said Scott knows he does it too. Jackie said you know you're supposed to laugh along with him but he's not saying anything funny.
Scott said something and made that sound. Howard said he heard it. Scott said it was just a breath but Howard said it was that noise. Howard kept pointing out when Scott would do it and it happened after a couple of his comments. Scott stopped himself from doing it so Jackie would make the ''Chh'' sound for him.
Jackie said Scott is real normal when he doesn't make that sound. Howard said he's not so sure about that. He said he does have some kind of nasal thing going on in there. Scott said it's from smoking. Howard said he should quit smoking. He told him to get out of there because he's so annoying. Howard said they really do a lot for his self esteem. Jackie said maybe they'll find out he's just as annoying even if he stops it.
Russell Simmons Comes In. 6/21/00. 7:10am
Co-founder of Def Jam records Russell Simmons came in to promote his new web site 360HipHop.com this morning. He brought in some of the clothing that will be sold on the site. The brand Phat Pharm is designed mostly by Russell himself. He said he either designs it or approves all of the designs. Howard said that Russell has a cool pager that has all of his contact phone numbers in it and it's full of celebrity names. Gary said he checked it out and saw many celebrity names in there. It includes everyone from Al Sharpton to Pamela Anderson.
Howard also spoke to Russell about how he and Rick Rubin started Def Jam from Rick's college dorm room. Russell said the first time he met Rick he was a member of the Beastie Boys. He went by the name ''DJ Double R''. The two of them put some money together and started the company. Now they're multi-millionaires.
Russell has also done some other things like produce the first ''Nutty Professor'' movie. He said he still hasn't made any money off of that movie.
Howard mentioned that Russell got married at 34 to a woman who was only 17 years old. He didn't have her sign a pre-nuptial agreement and he credits her with helping him out with a lot of his stuff. At one point Howard told Russell to stop saying the things he was saying about her helping out because if and when she leaves him she'll use that to get even more money out of him.
Howard had a lot of celebrity names that he brought up with Russell. He asked him if he was friends with about 20 people. Russell said that he knows quite a few of them but he's really not that close to them.
Howard finally wrapped things up and let Russell plug his 360HipHop.com web site. He said that it crashed when they premiered the site last night so it may still be having problems. Eventually it'll be straightened out and they'll be selling some cool clothing on there.
In the clip Howard and Robin were talking about TWA flight 847 to Athens, Greece being hijacked. Robin read the news story about the hijacked flight and Howard thought about giving them a call to find out if he could get a flight there. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about the news story before Gary got the number for TWA.
Howard got the number from Gary and tried calling TWA to book a flight to Athens. Howard dialed the number and asked if they were booking any flights to Athens. They said they were. Howard didn't put them on the air though. Howard said he heard something about hostages and what was going on with that. Howard was hearing that they are in Beirut. Howard said he just wants to go to Athens and not via Beirut. Howard said he wishes they could put that on the air. He said the woman was laughing at him. He said she told him that this has been going on for over a week. Robin said that's true. It's been 8 days. Howard said he didn't know that. He wondered where he's been.
Howard said he wishes Robin could have heard the woman's voice. He said the woman sounded like she couldn't believe he didn't know about the hijacking. Howard said she was laughing at him even though she's just a ticket counter girl. He said she finally found someone she's brighter than.
Howard said Steve Allen ruined the phony phone call thing for everyone. He said he abused it on the Tonight Show. Howard said he wants to be able to get that on the air. Gary suggested a few things so Howard said he'd record it during the break and play it later.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said he wanted to call again and tell them he was out in Vegas waiting for flight 847 but it didn't show up. He said he'd tell them he was told there was a hijacking. Howard said he was going to tell them he lives in a log cabin in Vermont so he doesn't have any TV. Howard said he doesn't think that they'd let him play it on the air though. Robin told him to give it a try.
Howard called TWA again and they put him on hold. Howard said he gets nervous when he does this stuff. Howard eventually got someone on the phone and told them he was waiting 8 days to get information about this missing flight. Howard said his friend was on 847 and it hasn't landed yet. The person on the line told him there was a hijacking. Howard asked if they were coming home or what. He said he doesn't have a TV or radio. He said no one at the airport told him that this happened. He went on and on with the one sided prank call. He said they eventually put him on hold. Then they gave him another number to call.
Howard said that was pretty good. He said the guy was freaking out. Howard said he wants to get it on the air without telling the people but he can't do that. Howard said the guy really was freaking out. Robin asked what he said when he said he didn't know. Howard said the guy said he was sorry and he thought that everyone knew.
Howard said he doesn't mind calling TWA and goofing on them. He said they shouldn't be sending planes to Athens when it's not safe. He said he can't figure out why they're still sending planes there when there's a hijacking going on.
Howard said this terrorist Nabih Berri has family here in the United States and he doesn't understand why they aren't arresting them or kidnapping them. Robin said she's not sure that would work. Howard said it's pretty weird.
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach meets Tom Cruise! 6/21/96.
Last week Kenneth Keith was in to talk about his major movie part. This week he filmed his part and he called in this morning to talk about it. Kenneth said that he met Tom Cruise although all he said to him was 'hi'. He hung out with, director, Cameron Crowe watching tapes that Kenneth made of himself. Kenneth just finished filming early this morning and he'll be on his way back home very soon. Can't wait to see the movie!
In the clip Howard was talking about how Boy Lee tried to go work for Imus and he's now a traitor. Howard called Lee into the studio so he could yell at him.
Boy Lee came in so Howard told him that they were going to pitch him a job. He said that this guy Linden had a job with Imus and he got a promotion to Assistant Program Director. Robin said she couldn't believe that when she got the memo. Howard said as soon as that happens Boy Lee is pitching for Linden's job. Robin said he was very quiet about it too. Howard asked if it's better working for Imus than working for them. Boy Lee said it was more money. He said it had to be more than he's making. Howard said he doesn't think it's that much more.
Howard said this place is insane. He said that Linden is probably making more money than he is at this point. He said he's probably making about 70 grand a year. Robin said it might be closer to 50 grand. Howard said she might be right. Howard said he's glad he's successful so he won't take that away from him. He said Boy Lee has nerve trying to go work for Imus though.
Robin said he could have come to them first but he didn't do that. He just went behind their backs. Lee said he was sorry about that but he did go behind their backs. He said he's learning. Robin said she can't believe this. Howard said he's thinking of firing Lee over this. Lee asked him not to do that. Howard said he went behind their back and this isn't good. He said now he might be a disgruntled employee since he didn't get that job. Lee said he loves working for them though.
Howard asked Lee why he'd want to work for Imus. He said he'd have to get up at 3 in the morning and he knows what Imus is like to work for. Lee said he's right. He said he should have stayed there. Robin said he didn't come to them either. Lee said they're right.
Howard said he's going to let the callers make his decision for him. He took one call from a 15 year old but didn't let that one participate in the vote. Howard took another call from a guy who was a fan who told Howard to keep him on. The caller kept saying ''Harold'' when he talked to Howard so Howard had to correct him about that. The caller said he lives in Roosevelt. Howard said he lived there too and ran out of town after trying to live there for many years. He said he tried to live with those people and he wasn't able to do it. Howard said all of the brothers were against him even though he didn't do anything.
Howard said you can get a good deal on a house in Roosevelt. He said he might buy a whole block himself and build an estate on a block. He said that the whole town is only one square mile. He said he could own the whole damn town. Howard said he could build a big monument of himself there.
The caller told Howard there are still a lot of white people living there. Howard said they all took it out on him when he was there. He said he was a big fan of Martin Luther King and the brothers still beat him up when King was killed.
Howard said one brother started choking him in shop class. He said he blacked out from that. Howard said he was the only white guy willing to stay and they took it out on him. He said it wasn't very nice.
Howard let the caller go and Robin said they're supposed to be taking calls about Lee. Howard took another call and it was another black guy. Howard said he thought he should be listening to WLIB or something. The caller said he's a big fan of Howard's. Howard said they're doing a bit now and he can't talk to every black man. He said people are going to start talking. He said the advertisers will be right off if that's who they think is listening. The caller told Howard to fire the guy if he's white. Howard talked to the guy in his black voice for a couple of minutes.
After an edited out break Howard had another caller on the line who told him that he should keep Lee. Another caller said he should get rid of him and get someone named Boy Ree. Howard took another call and said that this guy gets to make the final decision on whether or not to keep Lee. The caller wasn't listening so he hung up on him and took another one. Lee pleaded with the caller to please let him keep his job. Howard said this caller is making the final decision. The caller said he should keep him. Howard said that came down to the wire. It turns out it was Lee's brother, Hal, on the phone. Hal told Howard that they have to keep him there so his parents don't have to support him.
In the clip Howard was talking about the way Jackie smells after doing a show at a club. He said he smells like Garlic the next day. Jackie said Robin has a smell too. He said she smells like B.O.
Howard asked Fred and Gary what they think. Fred said there are days when he thinks he smells himself but it turns out it's Jackie's smell. Gary also said that you can't help it when you stink from drinking. Jackie said some things about Gary too. Gary said Jackie will always be an aging drunk.
Stuttering John came in with Gary's phone and told them to smell it. Howard took a smell and Fred played the sound of someone collapsing to the floor. Howard said he was going to have someone smell the phone and he'd mark the one that's actually Gary's. Gary said that it's not just his phone that smells. Howard said that it's really bad. John said he used to spray the phone with breath freshener.
Howard had Robin smell the phones. Robin smelled them and said ''yuck'' when she smelled Gary's phone. Kathy came in and told Howard that they clean Gary's phone every day. Howard smelled it again and said it really smells. Gary took a smell but he was smelling the ear piece. John said that when you use his phone it makes you want to gag. Howard asked if he uses that phone to wipe with.
Fred took a smell too and he was able to tell which one it was. Steve Grillo came in and said he smells it too when he has to use the phone. John said it makes you gag. He said he was afraid to say anything to him. Gary said he was afraid but now he's telling him in front of 16 million people. Howard told John to throw out that receiver. Howard asked Gary if people on the other end of the phone ever complain.
Howard said maybe he should use the Speakerphone. Gary said people are offended by that. Howard said he was in the men's room and wondering if he had a camera on him. He said that he realized that he likes to smell his fingers after going to the bathroom. He said that he washes his hands after that. John said he doesn't touch anything when he goes to the bathroom. He said he's able to use his underwear to guide it out. Howard asked to see him do that now. John didn't want to do that.
Howard told Grillo to show his head to the camera because he's going bald. Gary went over and tried to help him get his head down. Grillo asked him to stop. Gary said it looked like corn rows. Howard said it's sparser than John's album sales. John said that's not funny. He said the album is selling well.
Grillo said that John is afraid of people sneezing but he'll just turn to his side and sneeze with crap coming out all over the place. Grillo said the mirror on John's car is covered in sneeze material. Jackie said he had him sneeze all over the break room one day. John said it was just one time. He said it caught him by surprise.
Grillo said he cleaned John's car once and it was all covered in stuff from his sneezes. John said he does sneeze a lot. Howard said he covers up when he sneeze. John said bright light makes him sneeze.
Howard talked more about his own smell and Gary said he really shouldn't smell down there. Howard said it's not a really strong smell. Ralph came in and said that he smells himself too. Howard said Robin must do it too. Robin said she does not. Howard said he and Ralph should smell each other.
Howard asked Fred if he smells himself. Fred said he has another problem. Howard said it must be smegma. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this conversation.
Teasers For Tomorrow's Show. 6/21/01. 9:45am
Howard was teasing us with some stuff he wants to do on tomorrow's show. He ended up turning it into a whole bit but he's still going to hold off until tomorrow to do the whole thing. He had this CD that a guy put out of a woman talking dirty. It's like phone sex but they have different scenarios like the woman has sex with a guy in a department store and stuff like that. Howard played one where the woman is talking to a guy and having sex. Her voice is very baby-like so Howard had Craig Gass do his ''Al Pacino's Baby'' voice to talk to the voice while she was doing the sex talk thing. He was making funny references to his pacifier and how she can't untie his shoes because he doesn't know how to re-tie them. The woman's orgasm sounded like a chimpanzee going crazy so Fred was playing that along with the sex tape too. Howard said he was going to hold off until tomorrow but KC told him about the Department Store bit and he had to hear part of that. He played a little bit of that and played along with her lines coming back with his own. ''Al's Baby'' was also in there tossing in some funny lines. Howard didn't give out the name of the CD yet, he said he'll do that tomorrow.
Meet Poop Scooping Major Doody. 6/21/00. 8:20am
This guy Major Doody came in this morning to tell Howard about his 10 month old business of scooping dog doody. The guy told Howard that he was a Sergeant in the Marines but got sick of the hypocrisy after 10 years and got out. That was back in 1987. 10 months ago he came up with the idea to have people pay him to clear their yards of dog crap. He now has a business going and 6 employees working for him who are all ''Private Doody's.'' He claims that his business brings in about $42,000 a month. Right now the company covers all of New Jersey but will soon be covering the tri-state area. Major Doody also said that he'll have a franchise deal going on in the future also. You can find out more about his business at MajorDoody.com. He claims that he picks up about 4000 pounds of doody a week and has to have it removed by a sanitation company.
Howard said that there was another guy, Nick, there at the station who has been collecting doody of his own for the past 5 years. He keeps his crap in a garbage can and wanted to show it to people out on the street. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy and said that it was kind of disturbing that someone would do something like this. Even Major Doody said that the guy was a freak. Howard had a camera on the can down on the street and the guy who was standing with it said it kind of stunk. Howard sent the guy down to the street and took a break. After the break he came back and had the guy showing off his can of doody. Howard had the guy show off his can of crap but it was such a dopey idea that he gave up on it after about 30 seconds of it.
In the clip Howard said he was going to hold a talent contest and he had a couple of judges in the studio. He had Fred and Al Rosenberg playing the parts of the judges. They were playing other characters. Howard introduced them all and let them read their lines.
Howard got the first contestant on the line. His name was Keith. He said he was going to play the theme from Fame on his Saxophone. He said he's 13 years old. Howard told him they're not going to go easy on him. He said they're going to tell him if he's bad. Keith said he played at Carnegie Hall so he thinks he's pretty good. Howard had him perform his song. Keith played the song but Howard said it didn't sound like Fame. Robin said maybe it's coming. Howard asked the judges what they thought and they were making fun of the song not sounding like the theme from Fame. Keith just kept playing. Howard said this kid isn't going to stop. Keith stopped a few seconds later.
Howard told Keith the song didn't sound like Fame. Keith told him not to give him that. Howard said he wasn't kidding. Howard asked Robin what she'd give him. Robin gave him a 4. Howard said he didn't know what he was playing. Keith said he didn't listen then. Fred gave him a 6.5 score.
After an edited out song and break Howard came back and talked to the judges again. Howard got back to the talent and took a call from a guy who said that he makes strange sounds. His name was Lou from Carlstadt, New Jersey. Howard said he's not hip to New Jersey so he can't make jokes about it. He said that he could goof on Jersey if he knew it better but most guys just make fun of the smell.
Howard asked Lou to make his strange noises. Lou did one thing and said he doesn't know what the sound is. Then he did a Jawa sound from Star Wars. Howard said he doesn't have any talent. He hung up on him.
Howard said that was some New Jersey humor there.
Howard picked up on another guy, Kevin, and asked what he does. He plays the trumpet. Howard said maybe this guy will be good. He had Kevin play his trumpet. Kevin played and he was actually good. Howard asked Kevin what song this was he was playing. Howard said this guy obviously won't shut up. He said he'll give him a 7. Al gave him a 6.5 and Fred gave him an 8.5. Robin gave him a 6.5.
After another edited out song and break Howard came back and talked to Fred and Al (as Ron and Mo) for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from another contestant and the guy said he imitates the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He said his name is Pete. Howard had him do his thing. The guy made sounds of a chainsaw and had a woman screaming behind him. Howard asked if he does that with his mouth. Pete said he does. He said his mother is in the background screaming.
Howard had another contestant who said he could sing. Howard told him to do it but he was awful. Howard said the chainsaw kid won. Howard said he can come down there and do it in the studio. He said they'll have to set him up to come in. Howard thanked Mo and Ron for coming in too.
Sal In Hot Water After Talking Too Much. 06/21/11. 7:05am
After the break we heard a prank call that Richard made to a guy about buying deer urine. Fred also played some Led Zeppelin as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Sal and Richard went out and made an appearance over the weekend and they were just answering questions on stage. They weren't doing a comedy show like they've done in the past. Howard said he's not sure why they were doing that. He said that Sal was talking too much and he said something very strange. They were asked what they're going to do when Howard retires. Richard said they were going to start a tour in January and they'll always be together. Sal said they are asked if they'll ever release a CD and said that they are working on one of exclusive prank calls that were never on the air.
Howard said that Sal is so retarded. He said he's the one paying them to come up with those ideas and they're saving them for when he retires. Howard said that would be like him going to Sirius management telling them that he's saving his best stuff for when he leaves. Howard said they pay them to make phony phone calls. He said he rejected about 3 of them last week and he's not sure why they're saving stuff for 5 years from now. Howard said he doesn't get why he'd go into a public forum and mention that either. Howard said he must be an asshole.
Howard asked Sal if he feels so confident that he can piss all over him. Sal said he didn't say what he thinks he said. He said he had a lot of alcohol in him that night. Howard said he knows that they're writing down ideas that they're saving for when he retires. Sal said that's not true. He said that's not ''entirely true'' at all. Howard asked why he would say what he said then. Sal said he didn't know.
Howard said this is one of the dumbest things he's ever heard someone say. He said that's like announcing to his boss that he's not using his best material on the show. Sal said he misquoted himself.
Richard came in so Howard asked him how many ideas they have for when he retires. Richard said they have ideas for there. He said they're not saving anything for the future. Howard asked why Sal would say that then. He asked why he would tell his boss that they were doing that.
Gary told Richard to tell Howard what he said when he walked in his office. Richard said they're using all of these premises now. He said they're not saving anything. Sal said they're going to come up with stuff when Howard retires. They're not saving anything.
Howard said Richard must hang out with Sal and wonder if he's a moron. Richard said they're both morons so that's why they get along. He said he and Sal never get into deep conversations. He said he loves it when Sal misspeak's.
Howard said he doesn't get what Sal is up to. Sal said he just mis-spoke and he's not saving anything up. Howard said he thinks he is because why else would he say something on stage. Richard said no one is going to buy a CD from them when Howard retires. Sal admitted he's stupid.
Howard said that Sal and Richard need to figure out what they're going to do in 5 years. He said he has some of the calls they're making lately and he thought that they were having up the best stuff. He said they had 2 calls last week that were just awful. They loved a couple of them. They loved one they did with Will the Farter.
Howard asked where this Q and A was at. Sal said it's in Hollywood. Richard said they're working on a stand-up tour that will start in January. Howard said he would play one of their calls while they're in there. He had one called Motor Mouths and Jack and Rod's Game Day. Then there was Sour Shoes prank calling a pizza place. They wanted to hear Motor Mouths.
Howard played the clip where Sal and Richard call into a Motor Mouths radio show and goof on them with stories about having sex in classic cars. They also call in with Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips and have him yelling at the hosts.
After that Howard asked if they take any calls other than them. Sal and Richard said that they don't get many calls but if they do get one they keep the guy on for like 45 minutes. Howard said it doesn't sound like much is going on there.
Howard told the guys to go back to the drawing board. Richard said they have some good premises coming up. Howard told them not to save them. Fred played clips of Sal and Richard calling Howard a sucker from a show from a couple of years ago.
In the clip Howard read an article about Gilbert being dropped by Miracle Whip when he made an off color remark on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he likes how they blame his show for what Gilbert said. Howard said they must have known what Gilbert has done in his career. Howard said maybe they only knew him as a parrot in Aladdin.
Howard said that Miracle Whip is disgusting anyway. Jackie said it's like a kid's mayonnaise. Howard said it's a miracle they sell any of that junk. He said they'll never get his endorsement. Howard said if they give him a lot of money he'd do it.
Howard said that's some story. He said they pin it on them like they'd never heard Gilbert's act before. Jackie said they obviously listen to the show. Howard said they listen but Gilbert's comments aren't right. Howard said he can't wait until they see Gilbert tomorrow.
Howard's E! Show 10th Anniversary Party And DFP Concert Discussed. 06/21/04. 6:50am
Robin said she heard that Artie was a bit out of control on Friday night at the E! party they had. Howard said they have been on the E! network for 10 years now so they had a party on Friday night. He talked about how he was doing tequila shots with Artie that night and they were getting really wasted together. Howard said he appreciated the party very much but he had some complaints. The party was supposed to be from 6 to 10 and he was going to eat there instead of at home. He said that he thought the food was horrible.
Howard said they were supposed to be there until 10 but the restaurant said they only had it from 6 to 8 so everyone was out of there pretty early. He said they had a contract and all but they weren't prepared with deserts and stuff. Howard talked about how bad the food was and how unimpressed they were with it all. Gary came in and said that he got there a little late and the food was already gone. The party was pretty much over by 8 o'clock when the restaurant started letting people from the street in.
Howard was asked to make a speech at the party by the head of the E! network even though he wasn't prepared to do that. He didn't have anything prepared but the guys told him that it wasn't that bad. Gary told Howard that the music changed abruptly that night because Artie was complaining about how much it sucked. Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard that he had to drag Artie away from the deejay and the manager because he was giving them such a hard time.
There were a lot of funny stories about Artie telling bad jokes and goofing on a bunch of people at the party. Howard said that he appreciated the party that E! threw for them even though it was a little short and the food sucked. Howard said he learned that a bunch of the guys on the show had girlfriends. He didn't know that some of the guys had girlfriends.
Howard said that he made a speech about the show and later realized that he didn't mention Fred in it when he saw him sitting there. He later heard that Fred wasn't there at the time he was making the speech. Artie said that Howard made his speech and would bring people up as he saw them there at the party. Howard was drunk at the time so it was lucky that he knew anyone's name at all.
Robin said that the big surprise was that Steve Grillo showed up with his wife. Howard talked about how he's got a ton of tattoos on him now and he's an electrician. They didn't know that he was married either. Robin said he's a bit stocky now and he's gained a little weight.
Howard got a letter from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who was at their station's DFP concert. He gave his views on a bunch of things he saw there. He said that Ronnie the Limo Driver is a miserable son of a bitch. Ronnie came in and said that Chaunce is just mad because no one likes him and no one would sit with him at the concert on Saturday. Howard said that Ronnie was really drunk at the E! party on Friday. They talked about that for a short time. Howard read more of Chaunce's letter. He talked about how Tom made some costume changes during the show but no one else thought that was true. He made a few other observations that the guys thought he was making up. They were kind of ''out there'' according to the guys.
Chaunce said that Robin was at the concert with a female friend and she didn't leave her side the whole day. He was making it sound like she's a lesbian or something. Howard said that he hears that from a lot of people and they seem to think that she's only got Mr. X around as a beard. Chaunce picked up on a bunch of other things at the concert like Steve Grillo's bad tattoos and his wedding ring.
There was some controversy about Scott the Engineer's son's band playing at the concert. They had 15 minutes to play at the concert but they tried to negotiate another 5 minutes. Howard spoke to Scott about that for about 10 seconds and cut him off. He read more about Chaunce's thought's of what went on at that concert. He made a few more comments about Ronnie and Ronnie thought he was nuts because he claimed none of that was going on.
High Pitch Erik and Angry Black were at the concert and ended up in the VIP tent somehow. Howard said when you see High Pitch Erik in the VIP tent, you don't feel so ''VIP'' anymore. Howard had to take another break after that.
In the clip Robin was reading a story about gun shots going off during a speech David Dinkins was making. Robin had the audio of the gun shots and the crowd's reaction. Howard said he didn't hear the shots. He said he saw it on the news and he didn't hear it. Robin said that gun shots don't sound the way they do in the movies.
Robin read about how there was a death threat that morning but police didn't tell Dinkins about it. Robin said the mayor was not harmed and no one in the audience was wither. Robin said it turned out to be a bad drug deal going down. Robin said they didn't recover the gun.
Robin read about some of what the mayor was talking about in his speech. Howard and Robin talked about that stuff for a short time.
Robin read some other news and talked about those with Howard. They were talking about people living in their cars and things like that.
Robin read a story about a female drug that's supposed to be like Viagra but the pill that came out has not been approved. Howard said that Viagra helps a man get an erection and a woman is not the same so you can't just give her something like that and expect it to work. Fred threw in some Little Lupe clips during that story. Howard said he was saying that all weekend and Beth thought it was funny a couple of times but she got sick of it. Howard said he doesn't know when things get unfunny. He said they were making love and he said ''vagina poosy'' and it wasn't funny again.
Robin read about Tiger woods being back out on the greens playing again. Robin said he didn't do very well though. That led into the story about the woman who claims to have a Tiger Woods love child. She's filing for paternity.
Robin read a story about some grizzly bear being killed after it killed a 70 year old man. Robin said the guy was hiking alone when he was killed by the bear. Robin said he was in the bear's habitat and they ended up killing the bear. Robin said they hunted it down and fatally shot it.
Robin read that they're going to have Yoga mats rolled out in Times Square today. Robin said they're celebrating the summer solstice.
Robin read about Lady Gaga no longer being welcome at the Yankees private area at Yankee stadium. She got access to the club house with her friends on Saturday. Howard said he heard that they were welcome in there and they were fine with her being in there.
In the clip Howard asked if Robin was going to read about Stephen King and his accident. Robin said she was. She said that this guy had his pet in his car and he turned to do something and the guy plowed down Stephen King. Howard said that's how his grandmother died. Howard said that this accident is very similar to some of the stories he tells in his books. Howard said that he's still alive and he was able to jump out of the way when the car was coming. They spent a minute on that story.
In the clips Howard was talking about how some women think they deserve things when they get married. He said that if they really want something they should go out and get a job. He said they're just a monkey on your back. Howard said his wife never did that to him. He said he has a lot of friends who tell him stories. That's the reason his hair is curly. He said he hears these stories and his hair curls.
Howard said he has a friend who has to pay $250 for his wife to get a psychic. Robin said that's grounds for divorce. Howard said that's what he said too. Howard said he sees that stuff and if he's out working he's out the door. Howard said he can't handle much and he isn't going to put up with that.
Robin asked if he would give her his own money to go to a psychic with. Howard said he has seen a lot of women with psychics and that's fine if you're making your own money. They spent a couple more minutes on that and then wrapped up.
Today's This Date in Howard history was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:10am.