|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he had to take an Ambien last night to get to sleep. He said he was too jacked from the Super Bowl last night. He said he's so glad that ''his'' Giants won. He said he was rooting for them but he was for the Patriots winning too because he's friendly with Bob Kraft. Howard said that he thought the game was great and it can't get better than that. Robin said it was right down to the wire. Howard said it's awesome that it was a repeat of 4 years ago.
Howard said it doesn't get better than that. Howard said it was even good with the two quarterbacks. Howard said they couldn't have cast it any better in the movies. He said he thought the whole thing was great. Howard said he watches one game and all of a sudden he's an expert. He said he just goes by what they were saying during the game. He and Robin talked about Eli Manning and how he's trying to live up to his brother's career.
Howard said they have to talk about the commercials that ran during the game too. He said his commercial ran too and he said a lot of people thought it was the best of the bunch. Howard said that David Beckham commercial was for gay guys. He said that's a feminine thing that he did with that commercial. He said if he had known about that one he would have done his America's Got Talent commercial like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought Kelly Clarkson did a great job with the National Anthem. Howard said he thought she was great too. He said people on Twitter were saying she sucked. Howard said he thought she was very good. Howard said it appeared to him that she was singing live too. Robin said she thinks she was.
Howard said there will be a debate about Madonna doing her thing at Half Time but the real discussion is that she does lip synching. Howard said twitter shows how stupid people are because they say she was ''lip singing'' and they don't know it's ''syncing.'' Howard said it's based on synchronization. Howard said he's not sure how you judge Madonna but she's a 53 year old woman in good shape and pretty spry for someone that age. Howard said Kelly Clarkson was more meaningful to him because she was actually singing. Howard said he's not an expert but he's pretty sure she wasn't really singing. Howard said she wasn't even moving her mouth at times.
Howard said the way it works is that everyone claims they sang live but they sing with a track. Howard said the track is what you hear. He said they can claim that she was singing live if they sing along with it. Howard said it's not the truth if that's what they're saying. Howard said he's pretty sure that's what they're doing. Robin said the half time show is very time limited too and a live performance can go over. Howard said he thought she was going to fall off the stage at a couple of points. He said you couldn't see her arms either so he was glad that she covered them up.
Howard said Cee Lo was on too and he'd like to know what his sexuality is. Robin said she's not sure but he sure likes to dress up. Howard said he was dressed like Robin Hood. Robin said he was dressed as a drum major. Howard said he looked like Darth Vader... an effeminate Darth Vader.
Howard said he's pretty sure that Beckham has sucked a cock based on that commercial he did. Howard said he's not sure who he's selling to but it's not him. Howard said anyone who is gay that he follows on Twitter was talking about the Madonna show. Howard said High Pitch Mike and Carson Kressley were talking about how great Madonna was and how bad the game was. Howard said guys who were not gay were saying that Lady Gaga looked terrible and things like that. Howard said someone said ''I didn't know Joan Rivers was going to be on the half time show.''
Howard said that show got really boring after a few seconds. He said Vogue was okay but then he got bored. He said she put that new song in and it lost everyone. Howard said he got a million tweets from people saying that he should come out and spray her off the stage with the hose. Howard said people are hoping he has that on the real show too.
The caller said he thinks that Howard will be a good judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said there's a lot of controversy about that. Robin said there are people out there who want JC Penny to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Howard said he will defend her to the end even though he's not a big fan of her's. He said that he was outraged by people going on in any public forum and saying that Ellen doesn't represent them and their families. Howard said that everyone on this planet has a gay relative or friend. He said you can't want her to die or just go away.
Howard said there's an article in Rolling Stone about gay people around the country and they profiled a couple of girls who are gay. He said that they're out in the mid-west and these people are saying that these kids have to be saved and changed and this is driving people to kill themselves.
Howard said he's watching the republican debates and these people like Michelle Bachman and Rick Santorum are the worst. He said that they get up and talk about how wrong it is to be gay. He said they talk shit about them and they feel nothing about putting out this kind of bigotry. Howard said this is like what Hitler put out there before World War II. Howard said that these people are spewing this stuff about gay people and people applaud. Howard said they should be drummed out of the country. He said it would be glorious if they were shunned and treated as lunatics. He said that it's bullshit. Howard said this Rick Santorum pretends that he doesn't know any gay people and that's got to be bullshit. He said Michelle Bachman walks around in designer clothes that were probably designed by a gay man. Howard said it's just so wrong.
Howard said Santorum and Bachman should have booed off stage. He said that it's still an accepted bigotry and it's not right. He said that our politicians and the churches do it and think it's okay.
Robin said that he gets that Dave is being a comedian and he's upset that Rosie is upset with him. He said that he gets why Rosie is upset though. He said he told Dave why she's upset. Howard said she has her reasons. He said the Rolling Stone article is very enlightening. He said you should read it to see.
Howard said there's this Mayor Corey Booker who said some stuff about gay people that he really liked. Howard said he was a big fan of what he was doing. Howard said that you can't just sit there and take this shit from soccer moms. He said that it has to stop. He said it's fucking ridiculous. Howard said when you read what's going on in schools where gay kids come out and get the shit beaten out of them every day it's like torture.
Howard said he had a few bad years himself. He said he knew what it was like going to school and feeling like you wanted to throw up. He said it's a miracle he made it. Howard said not everyone has that kind of mental ability. Howard said maybe his mental illness got him through it.
Howard said that Manningham catch was amazing and he should have gotten the MVP award. Howard said that he's never seen athleticism like that.
Howard said he's not sure how wide receivers make it through a game. He said they get smashed during a tackle. Howard said Gary was saying they take a drug before the show so they don't feel a thing. He said that's how they can get back up and move. Howard said some of the guys who get hurt are able to get back up and play again. He said that game really was awesome.
Robin said she was so nervous she wasn't able to watch the game. Howard said he was screaming and Beth was sleeping. He said that the dog was barking at him from his yelling.
Howard said Madonna looks pretty good for a 53 year old. He said he's more fascinated with her being able to move than her singing ability. Robin said the dance routine wasn't her best either. Howard said the whole thing was theatrical and he was able to watch it. He said one or two minutes in he was bored out of his skull and he had to stop watching. Robin said she was comparing it to Bruce Springsteen and how she wasn't analyzing his performance like she was with this one.
Howard said he saw that commercial with Matthew Broderick playing Ferris Bueller. He said that it doesn't even look like him anymore. Gary said they were wondering why he would do that commercial. Howard said the guy is a working actor so he must need the money. He said he's a fine actor but he isn't the young, leading man anymore. Howard said they probably paid him a fortune to do it.
Howard tried taking a call from someone who fell asleep. Howard said he's not sure if that's a woman or a guy. Howard took another call from a guy who jokingly said that Rick Santorum hired the Iron Sheik to be his campaign manager. That guy also said that Howard looked fantastic on Letterman. He said even the gay scarf looked good.
Howard said a lot of people thought the suit was John Varvatos but it wasn't. He said that was a suit made by his man Anthony Gilaberto. Howard wasn't sure how to say his name so Gary helped. Howard said Gary needs a new one and he said he'd help Gary out with that. Howard said Anthony was saying that he tried to get him to update it but Gary wasn't sure he needed it. Gary said he told him that he doesn't need one.
The caller asked how they got Letterman to do the promo for GEEKTIME. Howard didn't know what the caller was talking about. The caller said they had Allen Caulter talking about GEEKTIME. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. He said the writers had the announcer read that on Letterman.
The caller asked about the Acura commercial with Seinfeld and Leno in it. Howard explained what was going on there and said that it wasn't all that great. Howard said he goes by the fast forward factor and he started to watch it and fast forwarded it. Robin said it did go on a little too long. Howard said he didn't believe that Seinfeld could get a car right away. He said it was too much for him.
Howard said the Ferris Bueller caught his attention but only because he doesn't look like him anymore. Howard said the monkey thing is so played out. SO it the Polar Bear thing. Howard said he wishes he could have sprayed the polar bears off the screen. He said when it first came out years ago it looked kind of cool but who cares now. Howard said the monkeys acting like people has been done and so has the baby talking thing.
Gary said the baby commercial is an E Trade thing. Howard said they do it year after year. Howard said GoDaddy has to get hotter chicks in their commercials too. He said that they used to be really sexual women but not anymore. Howard said that they shouldn't focus on the face of that Jillian and Danica Patrick. Howard said that it wasn't enough for him to go to the web site. He said he used to be tricked into going to see the commercials there but not anymore.
Howard said there must have been 100 commercials for movies that were all the same thing. Howard said they're blowing stuff up in every one. Howard said that the Avengers looks good. He said that movie looked just like every other commercial though. Howard said The Rock is in another movie and it looks really cool until you see that it's The Rock. Howard said the one movie he did see was Acts of Valor. He said that the commercial didn't do anything for it. He said the movie is really good.
Howard said all of the movies looked identical and it was just the same thing over and over. Howard said a lot of people were moved by Clint Eastwood but that commercial went on way too long. He said he knows it's patriotic but they're begging people to buy American cars. Howard said that they just beg instead of saying that we build the best cars so make your own choice.
Howard said he thought the dog dieting was going to be the best commercial but then it turned into a Volkswagen commercial. He said he liked the beer commercial that was for rescue dogs. He said he thought that was pretty cool.
Howard said he thought Kelly Clarkson had the best performance. He had some audio of that to play. Robin told him to play it. Howard said she's lost a few pounds and she hit the high notes. He said he thinks she came through with that performance.
Howard said he and Beth were talking about America the Beautiful performance and wondered why they can't sing that song together. Robin said it wasn't great. She said the guy really isn't that good. Howard played some of that performance too. Howard said he was sort of a let down.
The caller said that Howard's AGT commercial was great. He said his little smile when he blasted the little girl was priceless. Howard said that was exciting to be a part of. He said it wasn't big budget or anything. Robin said it was to the point and it made you laugh.
Howard and the caller talked about how exciting the game was and then Howard took another call. The next caller said that the commercial was a perfect fit. Howard said he went on Twitter to see the reaction and everyone thought it was good. Howard said they wanted it to be longer. Howard said that commercial was only 20 seconds long. Howard said they did cut one where he talked but he thinks that if you don't get the show then it was kind of cool to not hear him talk. They'll have to wait to see the show to hear that. Howard said he was really pleased with that. He said everyone got a laugh out of it.
Howard said the original commercial was that fat guy coming out and singing. He said the next three days he was singing Moves Like Jagger after he saw that guy singing. Howard said the little girl sang a Beyonce song in one of the cuts. He said that she was singing some other song in the one that aired. Howard said in the orinasal script they were going to hose the guy into a wall. Howard said he wanted him to fly into a drum kit or something. Howard said he wanted to wear a soldier's outfit and just blow the fucker up and stand on his corpse. Howard said that might have been too much though. Howard said the host thing worked though.
Howard said the original script had him saying ''You're welcome America'' after he hosed the guy off stage. then with the girl he tells them to turn the camera off because it was going to get ugly. Robin said that would have been funny too. Howard said he's not sure if they're going to show the commercials again or if that was a one shot deal. Howard said he's not sure if he should say what the second one is. Robin said he might blow the surprise if he does.
Howard said if he was going to make America's Got Talent all about him then he would do things like that on the show. He said it's not about him though so he won't be doing that.
Robin said that they had that Melanie Amarrow Pepsi commercial. Howard said the commercial was gorgeous. He said it made no fucking sense to him but he loves Elton John. Howard said that just talking about it might be what they want though.
Howard read some reviews of the commercials that ran and they gave the Audi commercial a bad review. He said he liked that one.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that the fans loved him coming over on the day he was at Letterman. Howard said he thinks that the Paparazzi were there because they thought Brad Pitt was going to stop by. Mariann said they were all there for him. Howard laughed. Mariann said that they were clicking away when Beth showed up too. Howard said he fist bumped High Pitch Eric twice over there. Mariann said that he was clean. Howard said he would never shake his hand. He said he's all sweaty. Mariann said that her dream is for Howard to hose her off the stage. Howard thanked her and hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they shot him from the left or right. Howard said they shot him from the left. He said he knows he looks better from the right. He said they set up that camera all day and he was kind of bummed but then he asked himself if he's a woman. Howard said he really doesn't care. He said he does but he has to let that go. Howard said he didn't make his career on looking beautiful. He said he just wants to look halfway human. The caller said he looked great during the commercial. He said it made people want to see the show. Howard said he won't be hosing people down for real on the show.
The caller asked if Howard would go on this new show called Person to Person. Howard said he didn't know what it was. The guy explained what the show is and Howard said he probably wouldn't let anyone into his home to do a show like that.
Howard said he told Dave that he wasn't going to be on Leno and Dave kept saying that he would be on with him. Howard said he pointed out that Dave was the one doing the commercial with Leno. Howard said it's so funny doing that show. He said he got there and Dave was very appreciative that he was doing the show. Howard said they didn't really do much of anything for the 30th anniversary though.
Howard said after they have you upstairs and bring you down with Biff he was hoping no one would shake his hand. Howard said everyone was doing it. He said Toni was following him around with hand sanitizer and he must have done that 87 times. Howard said he was going to fist bump but then everyone wants to shake your hand. Howard said he was turning his back to everyone to get ready for his appearance. He said that he was pretending to look in a mirror to get ready.
Howard said he felt a tap on his back from Will Lee from the band. He said that he knows him from being on the show. Howard said he put his hand out to shake it. Howard said he shook his hand. Howard said he had to scramble around for hand sanitizer. Howard said he will actually hug people to avoid shaking hands. Robin said she's not sure what to do with Howie Mandel. Gary said you have to give him the fist. Howard said he thought about hugging Will Lee but he shook his hand. Howard said he's a good guy. He said that he has to get over this stuff.
Howard said he was standing back stage and he turned his back again and then he feels a tap on his back. It was Dave. Howard said he shook his hand too. Howard said Dave thanked him for doing the show. Then this woman asked if he really came back there. Howard said he had and she told him that he never comes back there. Howard said she was shocked. Howard said they treat Dave like he's the queen of sheba. Howard said he's not even sure where that is. Howard said no one carries on like that on his staff. Howard said this woman was about to faint from what Dave had just done. Howard said you would have thought that we had just built a colony on the moon.
Howard said during the commercials he doesn't try to talk to Dave. He said he doesn't want to hear him yelling. He said when he handed him the Brad Pitt money he was going to go hand it out but you can't see a thing so he just threw it. Howard said Dave went out and picked it up and gave it to the audience. Robin said she saw him walking in the audience and she wasn't sure what that was. Howard said Dave took all his glory.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was great on Letterman. He said the show was tanking and he saved it. Howard thanked him for that. Bobo also asked if that's a bit or does Dave really not know the staff's names. Howard said he was making a joke. He said that Dave didn't say what Paul's wife and kids names were. He thinks that they told Dave during the break what they were.
Bobo said he loved Howard's commercial too. He said he liked the Doritos commercial too. Howard said he was disappointed in most of the commercials this year. Bobo liked the Fiat commercial too. Howard asked who loves him more, Bobo or Mariann. Robin said she thinks it's Mariann. Bobo has that shrine to him though. Robin said that Bobo wasn't at Letterman. Fred said he thinks that Mariann loves Howard more. Bobo said he's consistent. Howard said that shrine is something else. He said that Mariann doesn't have one. Bobo has a whole part of his house dedicated to him. Robin said that Mariann adopts the wack pack.
Howard said that's a tough one. He said that he thinks Bobo quit his job over the show. Bobo said he did. Bobo said he told his boss he couldn't do this job and he quit because he started at quarter to 7 and he wasn't able to listen to hours of the show. Bobo said that his wife even supports him in this stuff. He said that he was getting violently ill over the whole thing. Howard said Bobo was also there when his daughter was born. He said Mariann wasn't there. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from L.A. so Howard offered to give him some tickets to the taping he's doing out there next Thursday and Friday. The caller said he'd definitely go. He said it would be great to see him live.
Howard told Gary to put this guy on the list. Gary said he would do that. Howard told the guy to hold on so they could get his info. Howard said he thought he was just getting tickets to New York but they gave him some for L.A. too. Howard said that should be fun out there. He said they can cheer him on as he critiques people and ruins them.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said he has Melrose Larry Green on the phone too. He said he should let him in on the America's Got Talent thing too. Melrose said Howard was brilliant on that commercial. He said that he had people yelling at him on the plane he was on. Howard asked how they let him in a plane. Melrose said he was coming home from Century Village. Howard asked what he was doing there. Melrose said he goes there every year. Howard asked how old he is. Melrose said he's 61. Howard said the guy is old.
Melrose said he has to talk to him about holding up the signs. He said he'd like to go to the taping out there too. Howard told Gary to talk to Melrose on hold and set him up with tickets. Howard told Melrose to bring his signs but only if they're positive about him.
Melrose said there's a famous comedian who doesn't like that he holds up those signs. He didn't want to say his name. Howard said he has to go. Melrose said that it's Jackie Mason. Howard said he has to go and put Melrose on hold. Howard said he would love to be able to actually hose people down. He said everyone would pay attention that way.
Lisa G finally got to her news preview. She said that they have a story about Vinnie Favale releasing some of the video clips of his ''I Love You Debbie'' love tapes for Howard TV. Howard said he liked seeing Vinnie over at Letterman last week. He said that you're in for a treat when you see the tapes. Howard said he has seen them and they're crazy. Howard TV played some clips for Robin to see. Robin said it was creepier than just listening to the audio. Howard said that you have to see him in his underwear. Doug said Vinnie only gave them 30 seconds and that part isn't in there. Howard said he has to give them the tape of the tours he gave too. Howard said he looks like a guy who would shoot a congresswoman.
Howard said they have video of Debbie in there too. Howard goofed on Vinnie for a short time and played some clips from those love tapes. They've had the audio for years but not the video. Vinnie just recently released a little bit to Howard TV.
Howard played one clip where Vinnie mentions his ''crucial head.'' Robin said he really is like one of those congress people who has ever sent a creepy tape out.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Debbie the Pet Lady using clips of Vinnie's love tapes. They had Debbie arguing with Vinnie and telling him to get lost.
Lisa said that Vinnie is hoping to sell the video to raise money for his musical. Howard said it might be worth buying. Doug said he'll talk to Vinnie some more and see if he can get more. Howard said we have to see the tour tapes. Doug said Vinnie has just one stipulation and that is to plug his HereafterMusical.com web site. Howard said that's fine.
Howard played more of Vinnie's tape and goofed on him some more. Lisa said she doesn't think they've ever spoken to Debbie about the tapes. Howard said she's probably still in shock. Howard played more of Vinnie talking about scratching his balls and how he has to find something for his hands to do. He told Debbie that she would benefit oh so much if she was there with him. Fred threw in some cuckoo clock sounds as the tape was playing.
Howard asked how Debbie didn't think this guy was nuts. Howard said he hadn't even met her at this point. Robin said she thinks that they didn't meet each other for like a year. Howard said that's her life now. She has to live that tape every day. Howard did an impression of Vinnie and said he should have killed himself.
Lisa said that Eric the Midget has admitted that suing over the Pepsi bottle thing was Johnny Fratto's idea so he blamed him. Lisa said that Johnny claimed that it wasn't his idea and Eric was really upset about it. Then they found out that Eric was afraid that John Strauss was upset with him so he just blamed Johnny.
Howard said he's sick of the Clydesdales commercials during the super bowl too. He said he doesn't get that. Robin said she's met those horses and they're great.
Lisa said that they spoke to Lady, the rapper who did the ''Pussy'' song that Howard played last week. Lisa said that she talked about how she wrote that song and how it was about her personal life experiences. Howard had Gary get him the song so he could play it. Howard played the song and wondered about some of the lyrics. Robin helped figure out what they were.
Howard took a call from Debbie Favale. She told Howard she comes off kind of crazy in those tapes but back then she said that he was very romantic to her. Debbie said she has been married to the guy for 27 years now. Howard said it's amazing that she was able to watch that tape and be with him. Howard said when someone does that it makes you wonder. Debbie said that he came along and he made her laugh. Howard said she was his daughter then he'd be frightened for her. Howard said that there were a million things that told her to stay away from that guy. Debbie said she fell in love with that guy and he made her laugh. Howard said that she doesn't have to explain that to them. Howard quoted Lady and said ''Pussy good, pussy sweet, pussy good enough to eat..''
Howard asked if Debbie is freaked out by this musical thing. Debbie said that it did freak her out but he's doing good. She said that the only guy from the Stern show who kicked in money was Benjy. Howard let her go a short time later.
Gary had the lyrics to the ''Pussy'' song so Howard read those. Howard found the lines that he was stumped by earlier. He read through the whole song. Howard just said ''Wow'' after reading the lyrics. Howard threw in some of his own lines for the song too. Howard still didn't know what some of the stuff meant even after reading it.
Howard said the song goes on and on. He's not sure how much of this they wanted to hear. Robin said that they've probably heard enough.
Lisa said that Ass Napkin Ed went home and on his way he claims that someone poisoned him and he had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They also say that he flat lined in the hospital. She also got in some plugs for The Fat Guy Show and the Greg Fitzsimmons show that will be on tonight on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to fly out to L.A. to see the show. She was willing to do some crazy stuff but Howard just said he'd give her the tickets. She sounded thrilled. Howard said he had to take another break and get to a bunch of stuff. He said Adrianne Curry is stopping by too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Adrianne Curry will be in a little later. Howard said they'll have her in as soon as she gets there.
Howard said he was reading about what Adam Levine was saying about Christina Aguilera and how she shows up late to The Voice and things like that. He said he's very careful not to say anything bad about her though. Howard said she seems kind of fragile. Howard said that they claim that she gets more money than the rest of them and they're okay with it for some reason.
Howard said he was on the internet and someone sent him this Joey Boots tape. He had video of some guy jerking off in the subway. Howard said that this guy had his cock out and he was rubbing it and playing with the head and stuff. Howard said you can see people moving away from him. Gary said you don't hear anyone scream though. He said that's kind of weird. He said that they just move 3 seats away from him. Howard said you know you can't react because the guy might react to your reaction. Howard said we need a cop for every person that's alive. He said it's just awful.
Howard said Sal and Richard called Tradio again. He played the clip and it was actually a Swap Shop show and they give out this word to unscramble. The guy says the letters are ''TUIHPAOPMSPO.'' Robin asked if he's kidding with that. Howard said that his agent will leave a number for him to call and he rattles it off that fast. He said that he has to slow it down for him.
Howard got back to the call and Sal called in with the scrabble word. He had the guy repeat the letters so he could try to figure it out. Sal had the guy repeating them and kept saying them back the wrong way. The host kept trying to give him the letters but Sal would confuse the guy every time. Sal got hung up on so Richard called in trying to guess. He guessed it was Bukakke. The host said that was not it. A woman called in and solved it so Richard called in and guessed again. He thought it was Blumpkin. The host said they had solved it already. He said that he had to cut people off because the goofballs were back. Richard called in and asked if the word was Anilingus. The host had to hang up on him again. Sal called in again and asked if the word was Douchebag. One of the guys told the host it was the Howard Stern guys again. The host told Howard to grow up and leave the rest of the industry alone. He said if he was good he wouldn't have been fined and gone underground to Sirius radio.
Howard said that's right. If he was really good he wouldn't have to go underground. Howard said he's just getting his revenge.
Howard said he sees that Adrianne Curry is there so he has to get her in there. Howard said he can brag that he was right about her marriage. Gary said she dressed for Howard today. Howard said he knew that Brady Bunch guy couldn't handle her. He said she rode the Sybian and her husband got mad but then went out and bought her won. He said that she blew a fuse at the house using the thing. Howard said that he was just freaking out over what she was up to.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the commercial for America's Got Talent. He said he liked the VW ad with the dog losing weight but then it went to be a car thing. Howard said he was bored through most of the commercials. He said that's what it's supposed to be like though. He said that he thinks people liked his 20 seconds because it was a laugh. The caller said he's surprised that no one has ever asked him to do a commercial for them. Howard said commercial endorsements are not his friend.
The caller asked if he has ever turned down a movie that went on to be very successful. Howard said he has not. He said he was going to do a movie with Barry Levinson but he took the job with Sirius and he had to concentrate on that instead.
Howard asked if he wanted to go to the AGT taping out there in Los Angeles. The caller said he would so Howard set him up with that. The caller said that he knew Eric the Midget was lying about the Pepsi thing because that's just the kind of guy he is. Howard said he had to take a break so he could pish and get to Adrianne. They went to break after that.
Howard said that he's fascinated by Adrianne Curry. He said she was on some reality shows and then went on to marry one of the Brady Bunch kids. Howard said that he had to take her in as she walked in. Howard said she had a nice outfit on. Robin said she was beautiful.
Howard said she really is a good looking woman. Adrianne said that her mom asked her not to ride the Sybian today. She said that Chris (Knight) bought her one and she wanted to keep it since they broke up the same day. Howard said he was angry about the Sybian but then he bought her one. Adrianne said they were so broken by that point and they had a really big fight. She said that he would start bitching at her after drinking and it was bad. She said he wanted to make love and she wanted to fuck and he didn't like that. Howard said it's like he was the more needy of the two.
Howard said it sounds like she was the one who wanted to spice it up and make it fun. Adrianne said she wanted to bring women home and do things like that. She said that he never wanted to do that. Howard said he would get jealous when they'd go to strip clubs and the strippers would pay more attention to Beth than they would him. Howard said he can understand where Chris was coming from. Howard said he thinks that Adrianne would lead him down the right path with other women though. Adrianne said you have to strip a man's ego first. She said the focus has to be mainly on the guy at first and then move on to the woman. Howard said that sounds so fucking great.
Howard said he told Adrianne that her marriage wouldn't last. Howard said she's so feminine. He said he saw a picture she posted on Twitter where she's naked on a boat. Adrianne said Chris actually took that picture. She said it's a picture at a bungalow that they were staying at in Tahiti. Howard said she's so free with her body and it's so great. Howard said she looks like a lot of fun. Adrianne said that the French people next to them started the naked thing. Howard said he likes that about her. She has a great body and she shows it off. Howard said that's why he follows her on Twitter (@AdrianneCurry)
Howard asked Adrianne about how crazy she actually gets. Adrianne said that they might be driving somewhere and she'll suck him off and tell people. Howard said that he'd love that. Adrianne said she'd tell people about it and that's what Chris didn't like. Howard said she must be good at it. She said she was just told the other night that she is the champion of sucking it. Howard said this guy was such the wrong guy for her. Adrianne said she was the wrong girl for him too. She said that he needs someone older and more demure.
Howard said he saw Adrianne posting about her work outs and people thought it was a sexual thing. Howard asked if she likes guys going down on her after a work out. She said that she doesn't think that's hot ever. She said that she likes guys to enjoy it down there so she will clean up. She said that she has a bidet and she'll use that a couple of times a day. She told Howard how she uses it and how it's a much better way of cleaning up than toilet paper.
Howard asked Adrianne if she needed sex a couple of times a day. She said that's about where she's at. Adrianne told Howard that she has found that men get tired of the same vagina. She said that she loves being on top of a man and having them see the big mounds of breast above them but she thinks that they get tired of that eventually.
Howard said he thinks that he might cum quickly if he was with Adrianne and another woman. Adrianne said that can ruin it for the guy. She said that guys struggle not to pop it off with her and she will only be with a perfect 10. She said she needs someone who is equal to her and she'll only take a 10. She said that Chris was in good shape in the beginning but he stopped working out after a while.
Howard said he gets the impression that she's more into women than into men. Adrianne said that Chris wasn't doing her enough so he might be right. Howard said it might be worth the gamble to him. He said that it might be a learning experience. Adrianne said that the guy can't talk to the woman again and they can only have sex with her once.
Adrianne said that she doesn't have any desire to fuck someone else's boyfriend. Howard asked if she's more lesbian than straight. She said that she likes to fuck women but not fall in love. She said that they're more sexualized than men are. Howard said she is something else.
Howard asked Adrianne about something he read on a web site. He said they have blind items about celebrities and they reveal who the celebrity is. He said the blind item said this celebrity had some reality shows and propositioned another couple. The couple was Courtney Stodden and the guy from The Green Mile. Howard said this guy is much older than the girl. Howard said they say that the person who propositioned them was Adrianne. Adrianne said she's never spoken to those two in her life. She said that the guy isn't worthy anyway. She said the guy has to be someone she's into and she really doesn't know that guy.
Howard said that no one thought that the Brady Bunch guy was worthy. Adrianne said she was young and stupid. She said she never liked the Brady Bunch. She said she thought he was handsome and more mature so that's why she dated him. She said she never liked the Brady Bunch.
Howard asked if she got any money out of the marriage. Adrianne said she got zero. She said she gave him the house because he lives right next door to his best friend. She said that would have been awkward. She said they were married for 5 years. Howard said that he would have given her something. He said he's not sure how Chris has money. She said he has it from the high tech industry. She said that he might have around 10 million. Howard said it would have been nice to have given her something even if it was just a couple hundred thousand. Adrianne said he is giving her money for things that she bought for the house. She said that he could come after her for the house depreciating though so he's not doing that.
Howard said he would give her money just to shut her up. He said maybe he wants her talking about him though. Adrianne said she might not talk about him because it's kind of class less. She said that they're being as diplomatic as they can. She said that he loves his money and most guys do. Howard said she did give him her love and body for a few years. Howard asked if she thinks he thinks she's an asshole. Adrianne said that Howard said something to her after their big fight and that was ''Do you want to live with this the rest of your life?'' She said that she thought about that and realized they weren't communicating anymore. She said that they lived separate lives. She said he was also talking about a kid at that point. Howard said it sounds so perfect to him. He said that he'd be fine with her playing games or doing whatever she wanted.
Adrianne said they never made enough time for the connect. She said that he stopped fucking her about 2 and a half or 3 years ago. She said that they'd go into a 6 or 8 month lull. Howard said he can't imagine doing that. He said he'd fuck her just because she's hot.
Howard asked if she yanks a guy's penis really hard. She said she's nice and she's the one who wants the guy pulling her hair and stuff. She said she wants to be slammed up against a wall and things like that.
Howard asked if Chris would wear a condom. Adrianne said that he did not. Howard asked what the contraception was. She said birth control but they did try getting pregnant at times. She said that he would cum inside her. She said that Chris was afraid that she wanted to trap him but she wouldn't do that to him.
Adrianne said she's been partying lately. Howard asked if she's fucking some big cock guy. Adrianne said that she's been fucking this guy from her World of Warcraft guild. Howard said that he must be hung like a horse. She said he is good looking and he's Howard's height. She said she likes tall, dark and skinny. She said that's what he is.
Howard asked if she fucks a guy on the first date. Adrianne said she needs time with her Sybian. Howard asked Adrianne about fucking this Peter Brady guy and how he bought her the Sybian. Howard asked if he was pissed that she rode it there. Adrianne said he wasn't too pissed because she held her tongue on a few things that went on in their relationship. Howard asked if it was abuse. She said that you can deduce what was going on by watching their reality show. She said he was screaming in her face a lot. She said that she thought that maybe he had some side pussy but that was okay. She said she never found out about it. She said that's fine if she never finds out. She said they lived separate lives and that's not such a bad thing.
Howard said this doesn't make sense to him. He said she's so hot. Robin said not every man wants or can handle that. Robin said that one of the Brady's thought that he could handle her. Howard said he seemed like a big pussy to him. Howard said he feels like he could handle her. Adrianne said it's too bad Beth doesn't swing that way. She said that she wouldn't seduce Beth or anything. She said she'd just have some fun and Howard could watch with a cigar or something.
Howard asked if it's true she blew out a circuit using the Sybian. Adrianne said she moved into an older house after leaving Chris and she had her computer on so she could watch porn. She said that she cranked up the Sybian and the power went out. She said she got the fuse and tried to replace them but it turns out that she blew out the main circuit so she had to ask the landlord to reset it. She said she had to make up a story about what blew it out.
Howard asked Adrianne if she can have multiple orgasms. Adrianne said she was losing her mind on the thing one day and she had a window open. She heard someone yell at her ''Will you two get a room?'' She said she was all by herself on the Sybian.
Howard asked if she uses the attachments. Adrianne said that she uses the attachments and Chris would see her using it. Howard said he can't imagine that he'd just roll over and not do anything. Adrianne said she wasn't getting anything from him and they weren't sexually compatible. Adrianne said that Chris may want a 40 year old woman who wants to be led. Howard asked if he ever tied her up. Adrianne said only because she asked him to.
Howard asked Adrianne what it would be like if he was single and he was with her and tied her up. Howard said he tied a woman up once and did some shit to her. He said he dripped the wax and put ice cream on her clitoris. Howard said he tickled her and stuff like that. Adrianne said she likes that. She wouldn't want to be left alone though. She said she has a past of bad sexual experiences. She said she talked to Dr.. Drew about it. She said she was molested at 5 and raped in her teens twice. She said that she was about to turn 13 at the time. Adrianne said that one guy raped her at a party when she got rufied. She said she doesn't remember what happened after drinking some booze that was drugged.
Howard asked what's with Adrianne's boobs and if she gets them involved in sex. She said she recently had a tittie bang and it was her first time.
Howard asked about the guy who raped her and molested her. Adrianne said that the guy who molested her was a grandfather of a kid who was on her brother's T-ball team. She said the first guy who raped her was a guy who was on a date with her. She said that she'd probably shank the guy's ass if she saw him today.
Howard asked how long she waited before she had sex after the divorce. Adrianne said that it was after the summer and they divorced in May of last year. Howard asked what she's doing to make money now. Adrianne said she's a spokesperson for Erox. She said that she's getting some nice things. Howard said it must be good money. She said that she posed for Playboy twice so she did well with that. She said she invested in some stuff too. She said she has her money in some shit that she's hoping will make money.
Howard asked if she had to split the electric bill with Chris. She said they did. She said that all previous money was kept separate. She said that anything they made together would go to house payments and car payments and things like that. Robin said she's not liking that. Howard said if she was his girl he'd take care of the bills. Howard said that's just not right. Howard said she's a princess. Adrianne said she cooked every night too. Howard said he hopes that she cleaned her hands after riding the Sybian.
Howard asked if she acted out and fucked anyone else during that time. She said she made out with a stripper one time and that was it. She said she never cheated on him. Adrianne said she's very loyal. Howard said she's not a dirty little pig like people think. She said she is when she's in bed but that's it.
Howard asked how long it was before she had sex with another man after the divorce. Adrianne said it was about 5 months. She said that she tried dating women but they wanted her to buy the drinks and the food. She said that she was done with that so she needed to date a man who would buy her dinner and things like that. Howard said he's sure that guys are listening now and saying that they wouldn't have treated her that way.
Howard asked Adrianne if she got kicked out of Comic-Con for wearing something that was too revealing. Adrianne said that she wore an Aeon Flux outfit that was too revealing for them. She said that character is her and the outfit was authentic to the tee. She said she had some butt cheek showing and this other girl was wearing something that was even more revealing but they didn't kick her out. Howard asked if the geeks go crazy when she walks in. Adrianne said that she had to cover up her ass.
Howard asked if she ever does anal. She said that she did it just one time when Chris took Viagra and didn't tell her. Howard asked if he had to take Viagra with her. She said she doesn't like that but he had to take it that night. She said that all you need is 15 minutes to have sex. Howard said he'd last a few seconds with her.
Howard asked about this guy she fucked from her guild. Adrianne said that he's in her guild and he's an ex government contractor. She said that he's a super neck beard nerd. Adrianne said he's the only guy she's fucked since her marriage. Howard asked how she met him. She said they hung out after meeting in the guild and they became good friends. Adrianne said that he has a piercing on his penis too. She said that it's called a Prince Albert. She said he has his tongue altered so he can eat pussy better too. He had the flap cut underneath. Howard asked if she knew him before her divorce. She said that she did but she was just friends. Howard asked how he convinced her to go to bed with her. She said that his whole demeanor changed after the divorce. He told her that he had never had a woman as hot as her. She said he told her that he's a socially awkward nerd and he really likes her and that's endearing to her. Howard said that's the way to do it. Howard said he'd do the same thing. Howard said most guys will never figure that out.
Howard asked where she seduced this guy. Adrianne said the seduction kind of came on at Six Flags Magic Mountain. She said that they're adrenaline junkies. Howard said that would never happen with him. He said he and Beth don't get that. She said they can't go on rides like that.
Adrianne said they went out to eat and had a lot of oysters and aphrodisiac foods. She said that he bought her dinner and sometimes they split dinner. She said that he started rubbing her thigh and she told him that she had to go clean up the mess he just made. She said she was sopping at the restaurant. Adrianne said they got out of there after that and on the way home she gave him some road head. Not a full thing but just a little bit.
Howard said that Adrianne is there to promote this Erox stuff. Howard said you can find out more at Erox.com. He said she's also on the Playstation ''The Tester'' season 3 and she's a spokesperson for Flex Belt (FlexBelt.com) and other stuff too.
Adrianne told Howard how she likes to rub her hair on a guy all up and down. Then she'll start licking around the guy's dick until his toes are curling. She said that when you're older you start to do stuff like that instead of just fucking. Howard asked how old she is. She said that she's 29. Howard said she wouldn't have to do all of that to get him hard. Adrianne said that Howard must be hung like a horse. She said only guys with a big cock talk about how small their cock is.
Howard asked Adrianne about rubbing herself all over the guy. She said that she loves rubbing her tits on the guy too. She said that she has hard nipples and guys are very visual. She said that she will lock the guy down so the can't move too. She said that this guy she's with is slightly under 10 inches so she could barely walk after he did her.
Howard asked if the guy is circumcised. She said he is and he has a beautiful cock. She said that it's glorious. She said she's found a new religion.
Howard asked if the guy came after the hair thing. She said that he asked to do something to her and he worked at her with his tongue. She said that he's really good at eating her out. She said that he pretty much holds back the hood over the clitoris and works his magic. Howard said he's not even sure what the hood is. Adrianne said that she can teach him and Beth together. Adrianne showed Howard what he's supposed to do and how he should be able to tell when he's doing it right. She said she wants to get to the point where she can squirt. Howard said he doesn't thinks that's a real thing. Howard said he could talk to her all day long about this stuff. He asked if she's ready to marry this new guy. Adrianne said she likes him a lot.
Adrianne said they got wasted the other night and they were looking at this Playboy issue and her friend was in it. She said that she was drunk texting her and she is thinking about going to see her but she just had a kid.
Howard said it's been over an hour but he could talk to her for the whole day. He asked if she wore panties today. She said she did because she has other interviews today. Adrianne said that she's going to button up a little bit and do some other interviews today.
Howard gave Adrianne some more plugs for the various things she had to plug today. He talked to her about each of the products and shows she was promoting. Howard said she'll be at the Las Vegas Convention Center on February 22nd. She said that's going to be a pot convention. You can find out more at CouchLock.com. Howard said it's amazing that you can get medical marijuana out in California but not there in New York.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the guy spanks her. She said that she has big hand prints on her ass. She said she likes that. Howard said that's not Robin's thing. Robin said a little spanking is okay but she doesn't want to carry hand prints. The caller asked if Peter Brady ever spanked her. Adrianne said he wasn't really into that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he loves that she loves to suck cock just like Steve Brandano does. He asked if she would fuck Seth McFarlane because he looks like Chris. Adrianne said she will never date in the business again. She said she won't date actors because the only thing they're good at is lying to you.
Ham Hands Bill asked Adrianne if the guy ever put candy on the tip of his penis when she was molested. Adrianne said she hopes that he does when he fucks this guy in the ass. She said that this guy just made every boner go down.
Ralph called in and said Howard is always talking about Adrianne and her twitter but it's always drama lately. Howard said Ralph gets annoyed with everyone. He said he'll unfollow you if he gets annoyed. Howard said he unfollowed him and he hardly ever tweets. Ralph said he wasn't able to follow him because he was so busy with the new year's eve thing.
Howard said he likes when Adrianne shows the pictures and things but she's backed off lately. Adrianne said she wanted to get her shit together. She said she has tweeted out a bunch of pictures lately. She told him not to be so gay.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she would fuck Robin or Howard. Adrianne said that she's not so sure they'd be comfortable being together. She said she'd fuck them both.
Another caller said that he'd crawl through broken glass just to jerk off to her shadow. Another caller asked if her stimulator has two electrodes coming off of it. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. He was talking about the Flex Belt and how he has tried it out on his penis. He said that the guy can wear it and so can the woman, at the same time.
Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later. Howard gave her some more plugs and Adrianne asked everyone to vote for her on Maxim's top 100 too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Adrianne was probably the best female guest ever. Howard said she's great. He said she's very open and honest and interesting. Jon ran down more about Adrianne and some of the other stuff they'd be covering today. Howard said he likes to think that he could handle her but Robin doesn't think that real life would be that way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he looked like a rock star on his Letterman appearance. Howard said Robin told him that he was attractive on the show. Robin said he has a swagger now. She said that she had forgotten what Howard looked like when Dave showed that picture of him. Howard thanked the caller, CWB, for the call and let him go a short time later.
Jon ran down a few more things he had for today's show. Howard took another call from a guy who said that his brother got leukemia a couple of years ago and he turned him on to the Stern Show. He was hoping to get tickets to go see America's Got Talent. Howard said he doesn't have the New York tickets yet but they can put him on a waiting list. Howard put the guy on hold for that. He said he's like a ticket broker. Howard said it might be a bad idea to give out tickets. He said it's fun but they could get bogged down.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the discussion he had about the people who are anti-gay. He said that he thought Howard was saying that orthodox Jews were all anti-gay. Howard said he didn't say all. He said that there are some out there who are. Howard said this Michelle Bachman and this Rick Santorum should be booed off stage when they talk anti-gay stuff. He said that they should be refused service at restaurants. Howard said no politician would say that about black people or Jews but they do it with Gays and no one does anything. Howard said that if you want to suck dick and be with a man then who cares?
The caller asked why we have to love and embrace them. Howard said he wants this guy to buy the Rolling Stone magazine and read what these gay teens have to go through. The caller said he will read it. He told Howard that he loved the commercial. He asked what he's doing for Porum. Howard said he's going to boo Michelle Bachman and Rick Santorum, that's what he's going to do.
Howard took a call from Ralph and talked about that David Beckham commercial for a few seconds. Ralph said he wanted to announce that the new issue of Champion magazine is out now. This is the one that Howard shot the cover for. Howard said he loves what they did with those pictures. Howard said that they brought him a bunch of people who dress up for Comic-Con and he shot some pictures. Ralph said that the magazine is available for the iPad. He said you can see Howard in action at Champion-Magazine.com. The magazine app is free on iTunes. Howard said that they had some great costumes at that photo shoot. Gary said he doesn't think that it's free anymore. He said you must have to pay to see the Howard Stern pictures. Howard said they should offer it for free and get people involved with it. Howard said he guesses they're trying to make some money with that app. Howard said he didn't charge for taking the pictures.
Howard had Ralph on the phone again and Ralph said that it wasn't his idea to start charging with this issue. He said he's with Howard about getting it out there first. He said that they're only charging 99 cents right now anyway. He said it's just about free. Howard said he read that Apple gets 30 percent of that 99 cents too. Howard said you have to pony up and pay the 99 cents to get that issue though.
Robin started her news with a story about Cassidy Gifford wanting to be an actress. She's 18 years old now. Howard said she's a cut girl too. Robin said she is kind of cute. Howard said he'll direct her in a movie is someone writes her a script. Howard said they have to make it a movie with no talking or something like that so it'll get nominated for an Oscar.
Ralph told Howard they have to pay for downloads for the app so they may lose money even after charging 99 cents. He laughed as he told Howard that.
Robin read about Courtney Loves' daughter Francis Bean and how she has a restraining order against her mother. Howard said that he has one out for his mother so she can't take his temperature rectally. Robin read the details about Francis and how she got this restraining order after her mother threatened to burn a house down. Howard said he knows people with mothers like this and they have real problems.
Howard asked the guys to unplug this monitor in the studio that's blinking. He said he doesn't use it anyway. He said he felt like he was in A Clockwork Orange.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his chick is perfect for him but he wants to know how to get her to be more like Adrianne. Howard said every guy is wondering that. The caller said that he tries to touch this chick in public and she tells him no all the time. He said she'll tease him a lot and shit and he's not sure what to do. Howard said guys want women to dream shit up in bed and it's a slippery slope. Howard said that when you hear Adrianne mixing it up it makes you wonder. Howard said this caller has to find another chick if this one isn't working out. He said that you can't change the woman if she's not into it. Robin said he could find out what she likes and maybe that would work out. Joe said that she's really easy to please but she's not in her prime yet. He said she doesn't realize that. Howard said it sounds like he's not satisfied with this woman he's with. He said he has to either stick with her or trade her in. He said it sounds like he bought a Volvo but he wanted a Ferarri.
Robin read about the Super Bowl and the details of the game. Howard and Robin talked about how good looking Tom Brady is before playing audio of him talking. Howard said Beth was sitting there with him telling him that he's a really good looking man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not sure about this America's Got Talent thing. He said people are fawning over him and he thinks that it's too much positive reinforcement. He said he thinks that Howard is supposed to be the Jewish Simon Cowell. Howard said NBC hasn't given him one bit of direction and he's only shot one 20 second commercial. Howard said he's just going to judge and there is nothing else going on. The caller said he's working for the enemy. Howard said there is no enemy. The caller said that he pictures him being on the NBC jet and Pig Vomit is piloting. Howard said this guy is just being goofy. He hung up on him.
Robin had a bunch of audio clips from various people at the Super Bowl so she had Howard playing those clips. She had some audio of some fans talking about the Giants win too. Howard asked JD where the audio of that player Brandon was. They told him and Howard played the clip of the guy yelling about how great the team was and how they won this game. He was really worked up over the win. Howard said he could listen to that guy all day long. Robin said it wasn't that crazy of a win. Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard interviewing some Giants fans after their last win a few years back. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:00am, Robin got back to her news about the Super Bowl and how there was a riot at the University of Massachusetts. Robin read the details about that and had some audio of what was going on there.
Robin read about Madonna's half time show and had some audio of her singing her new song. Howard asked if people are upset about her lip syncing. Robin said that maybe people don't even realize that's what she was doing.
Robin had some news about the republican nominees and what's going on with them. Robin had some audio clips and some details about the primary results. Robin also read about how Donald Trump came out and endorsed Mitt Romney. Robin said they thought it was going to be Newt Gingrich but they were surprised when it was Mitt Romney instead. Gary said that Trump is taking credit for Romney's win the next day even though no one is really giving him credit for that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a guy asking if he could get some Bruce Springsteen concert tickets. Howard said he doesn't have any to give out. Howard said he hopes the company gives them out to the subscribers and not the big stars that they gave them out to last time for the McCartney concert. Howard said he was hoping to see fans at the show. Howard said he won't go to this one. Howard said he won't go because he's not being treated with respect there at Sirius. He said that he doesn't feel there's anything for him to celebrate. He said he would like to see the fans deck the halls and fill the concert hall. He said he'd rather not see Keith Richards' daughter sitting there. He'd hope that the fans would get in there instead. Howard said he hopes that Bruce is singing to the fans.
Howard took another call from a guy looking for AGT tickets. Howard said he could help him out with that. He said he's in communication with them. Howard put that guy on hold to set him up.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of President Obama talking about how Israel may be moving in on Iran over their nuclear program and how we're hoping that they can settle this diplomatically.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton condemning Russia and China for coming out against sanctions against Syria. Robin said that Clinton called the action a travesty. She had some audio of her doing that.
Robin read about Demi Moore trying to get help for her issues. Howard said she needs a good man. Robin said when Ashton was there she still had problems. Howard said if he was single and he hadn't met Beth he'd rush right over to her side. Howard said he'd be her drug. He said he'd want the publicity and he'd use her for that. Howard said he should just move in on any woman who is having difficulty. Howard said he hopes she's okay. He said he's met her and she's been to his home. He said he didn't see any signs when she was there. He didn't see any signs with Artie either though. Robin said he's like Mr. Magoo. Howard said she's right and those big, thick glasses keep him blind from all of that.
Robin read about how Demi is on total lock down and only speaking to a small group of people. Howard said he should reach out but he's not sure how. He said he knows them but he doesn't know how to contact them. He can contact Ashton but he doesn't want to write the guy while all of this is going on. Howard asked what he should write. Robin told him some things to write and he told her that Beth helps him write emails sometimes. He said he never knows what to say.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his High pitch Mike impression. He was singing Madonna songs as Mike. He did his Gary impression too. Howard told him to get Madonna to sing another song. Sour did his Madonna impression and sang some of her stuff. He did a little more of his Mike impression too before Howard hung up on him.
Robin read more about Demi Moore and the help she's getting. Howard said he likes her and he hopes she gets the help she needs. Howard said he's a big fan of Ghost and some of her other movies. Howard said she's a doll. Robin asked if she looked close to falling apart when he saw her. Howard said she was fine when he hung out with them. Howard said that she was very nice. He said if he had to choose sides he might have to pick her. He said he really didn't know Artie was having a hard time either. Robin said she kept telling him that he was. Howard said he really is like Mr. Magoo.
Robin read about Queen Elizabeth celebrating the 60th anniversary of her reign. Robin said they'll have some celebrations today in London.
Robin read some movie news and read about the new Dwayne Johnson's movie. Howard said all of those movies they had commercials for in the Super Bowl all looked the same to him. He said they all look pretty cool though. He loves when they blow shit up. Robin had some audio of Dwayne Johnson talking about working in Hawaii on this new movie.
Robin read about the movie ''The Vow'' opening soon. Robin told Howard what the movie is about and how the wife loses her memory and only remembers her last boyfriend who she was in love with. Robin said the husband has to make her fall in love with him again. Robin had some audio of one of the stars talking about that movie.
Robin read about some other movies that are opening soon and had some audio of one of the stars talking about that. Howard didn't last more than a second with that. Robin said that Chronicle made $22 million at the theaters this weekend. Howard said he wants to see that one.
Robin read about the new TV show ''Smash'' starting tonight too. They ended the show after that. It was about 10:30am.
Jon brought up Howard's Letterman appearance and how he was treated there. Jon said he talked about the shaking hands thing and how much that freaks him out. He said that they should talk to Ronnie about that since he'll be around Howard when he's meeting people at AGT.
Gary and Jon also talked about Vinnie Favale and how he's given Howard TV only 30 seconds of his Debbie love tapes. Gary said that Debbie made a point to let Howard know that no one has contributed to Vinnie's show from this show. Benjy did and she mentioned that. Benjy said he gave enough to get two tickets. He said that Vinnie has been really nice to him too. Jon said he agrees and he feels a little guilty about that. He said that Vinnie will get his support from him in his email. Gary said that he got to see the video when Vinnie brought it in. He said Vinnie refused to leave the tape there so they didn't get to show it to everyone. He said he still has the image of Vinnie touching him himself in his mind. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked if Adrianne and Chris were ever sexually compatible. Benjy said in their second year of marriage they were. He said it sounds like he pulled back a bit from her.
Gary said this was almost like a preemptive strike saying that things are good between them but if something goes wrong she's got dirt on him. Gary said he thinks that she was saying today that she thinks that Chris would rather keep things quiet.
Benjy said she never did say who called off the marriage. Jon said it sounds like she was the one who did. Benjy said she did talk about a huge fight but it's not clear who it was. Gary said it was probably both of them.
Jon asked if they think that Howard could keep up with her. Gary said he thinks that he could for a while but not for long.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that chick is really out there. He said it brings up the question about relationships and how the sex thing kind of dies out. He asked Gary if that died out with his wife. Gary said he won't get into that too much. He asked the caller if he had more sex than he's ever had after having kids. The caller said he thinks that the marriage calms things down after being married.
Gary said he thinks the best sex you have is when you first become a couple. He said you don't have a lot of stuff in your life. The caller asked Gary if he can imagine having someone that wild as a wife. Gary said it sounds good for a short time but maybe not for the long haul.
Benjy said that Adrianne is willing to talk about this stuff and a lot of women are similar to her. Gary doesn't think that's the case. He said he thinks that Benjy would be perfect for her if he was a 10.
Jon asked if it was surprising that she fell for someone in her guild. Gary said that you often date people you work with. He didn't think it was that crazy. Gary said he did like the way the guy told her that he wasn't sure what to do with her because she's so hot.
Jon said that a lot of geeks love her because she's a geek herself. Gary said she takes a lot of pride in being the guild master. He said that she told Howard that she is the guild master and she can only date people below her in her guild.
Jon brought up her blowing out the fuse riding the Sybian. Gary said he's run that thing at full power and the lights don't even flicker.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is kind of tone deaf when it comes to that commercial and turning the hose on the kids. He said he doesn't think that he wanted to replicate what was done to black people. Gary asked if he's the one who sent them an email about that. The guy said he didn't but he wishes he had. He said turning a fire hose on someone just isn't right. Benjy said it's not like they have a black fist up in the air or anything like that. Gary said that it's just another way of giving someone the hook. The caller said they could have used a seltzer bottle for that. Gary said he thinks this guy is the only one who sees it that way. The caller said he's not saying that it's a black thing and he's not accusing anyone of racial insensitivity but spraying someone with a water hose is something from the civil rights era. Gary said he disagrees with him on that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that people have lost the ability to see the comedy in anything. Gary said he sees the hose as an extension of a seltzer bottle. The caller said he does too. It's just for laughs. Jon said he thinks the other caller was looking too deep at that.
Ralph called in and said that other caller was being a fucking idiot. He said he would never make that leap. He said that they have to calm down. He said that people get all worked up at Halloween about hangings. He said that people in Westerns get hung and it's nothing racial at all.
Gary said he wasn't sure what that guy was trying to say. He said it wasn't racial but then he said it was from the civil rights era. Gary said that he sees it as something slapstick from the Three Stooges or something.
Gary asked Ralph how many partners he has in that Champion Magazine thing. Ralph said he has four. He said they all have an equal voice too. Jon asked if they are charging. Ralph said they are charging 99 cents. There are still some free issues though. He said they are great issues and they should have been charging from the beginning.
Ralph said they planned on charging for the app in January so that's why they're doing it now. He said they didn't plan to do it with the issue that Howard shot photos for. Ralph said they do need to monetize it somehow though. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from Bobo who said that he would give up his life to do something for Howard. Bobo said his wife knows that Howard comes first. Gary asked Bobo about how he doesn't attend a lot of stuff. Bobo said he's out on the Island and it's not cheap to go into the city. He said that Mariann is closer. Gary said she had kids though and it's not easy for her to get in there. Bobo said he knows that. Bobo said he has a 5 year old and Mariann's kids are grown. Bobo said that he and Mariann are very close and it's like a horse race and they're neck and neck.
Bobo said that he and his wife had something planned this week and he chose to do the Super Fan Roundtable show instead of doing something with his wife. He said he told his wife he has to do this. Gary asked if his wife understands this stuff or do they argue. Bobo said his wife has been very patient with him and there have been times when he'd have to pick something Howard over his wife.
Benjy asked Bobo who he'd give a kidney to if Howard and his wife needed one. Bobo said he'd have to give it to his wife. He said he's not sure if he could say no to Howard though. Gary asked if he'd give both of them to Howard and to his wife and let himself die. Bobo said he'd probably do that. The guys told him he had to pick one so Bobo said he'd pick Howard. Then he said that he was kidding and he'd have to give it to his wife.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that Bobo's therapist told him to back off the show a bit and Bobo was going to stop listening to the Wrap Up Show live and listen it on a replay or something. Leiberman said that Bobo's wife knows that she's going to be second to Howard all the time though. Leiberman recently spent some time at Bobo's house and spoke to both of them.
Bobo said his wife loves Howard and his first wife didn't. He said the show absolutely played a part in the divorce. Bobo said that she hated that he had his shrine and he told her not to do that to him. He said he was out of there after she ripped stuff off the walls. Bobo said he walked out on her. He said he didn't have the shrine back then. He said he hit all on display now. Leiberman said the shrine is bigger than most New York City apartments.
Benjy asked why his therapist thinks he needs to back off the show. Bobo said they want him to have some free time to do other things. Jon let him go after that.
Jon asked Leiberman about what this shrine is like. Leiberman describe what he has and how he's got notes and recordings of all of his phone calls and stuff like that. He said he has all of his calls to the show programmed as ring tones on his phone. He has them rotate on his phone. Leiberman said that it's very eye opening. He said Mariann is addicted to the channels as a whole. He said that Bobo is more focused on Howard. He said Mariann listens to all of the shows and Bobo is focused on Howard. Gary said that might make her a bigger fan. Leiberman said that Bobo might be more addicted. He said that he is physically addicted but Mariann might be more attached. He said it's hard to say.
Jon said that Bobo quit a job, a good paying gig, so he could listen to the show. Jon said that's a super fan. Gary said that Bobo might be a bigger fan then. Leiberman said that Bobo worked for the post office for 37 years and he has all of these awards and the only time he got in trouble was for listening to Howard. He said he would be caught in the truck listening to Howard and he'd get in trouble over that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they saw how Dave corrected Howard's grammar in one of the segments. Gary said he didn't catch that. He said he'll have to go back and watch. He thought Howard killed on the show though. Jon said Howard really bashed Leno and Dave seemed to love it. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about Sal and Richard getting some kind of birthday announcement on a radio show. Howard played the clip where the host read a birthday wish for Drew P. Balls who just turned 100 years old. Howard said he can tell that's an internet show based on the sound quality. He said they haven't quite perfected that yet.
Howard replayed the prank call he played yesterday where Sal and Richard called into a show that had a word scramble game where they tried guessing at what it was.
Howard asked if the guy gives people any time to write this down. He said he seems to rush right through the letters. Howard said the woman who wins doesn't even win anything either. Howard said that's why no one calls into the show. They don't win anything. Howard said it must be the same word every day so the audience can feel smart.
Someone told the host it was someone from Howard Stern calling in and they called Sirius radio ''Cyrus'' radio. Howard said these are broadcasters, you'd think they'd know how to say Sirius.
Howard said that Sal has annoyed that guy before. He called in with a deer meat prank call and the guy got all bent out of shape. Howard played that call too. In that call the host of the Swap Shop show took a call from Richard first. Richard told him it was deer season and he had some deer meat to sell. He had 15 pounds of deer vagina lip. The host cut him off but he took another call from him later. The host wondered why they act so stupid. The guy said that he was calling from Sirius radio and he can't believe they let their employees do this kind of thing. Sal called into that show too and said he hopes they follow through on those idiots. Sal's dog started barking so he pretended to accidentally shoot the dog with the shotgun he was trying to sell. The host said he was going to go on with the show. Sal called in and shot his cousin Jeff next.
Robin said this is more entertaining than that show has ever been. Howard let the call play and Richard called in with more deer meat specialities. Howard said the guy was having a Gisele Bundchen meltdown with these calls. Richard and Sal kept calling. Sal called in with a washer that was all gummed up with used tampons. The host says that they traced the calls to Sirius and he wondered if it was Howard Stern interrupting their show like this. He said that's the sort of thing Howard Stern does.
Howard said that guy had it by then. Robin said that was like calling back in time hearing that show. Howard said he thinks they went back in a time machine because it sounded like the earliest radio. He did an impression of the host and Fred played some Dixieland music in the background.
Howard said he's probably had it with her. Howard said he must want to leave her. He said that she's starting to become an embarrassment to him. Robin said she's the highest paid model in the world though.
Howard said that she's just sticking up for her man. Robin said this is Tom Brady talking though. It's not her. Howard said that she may have heard Mr. Kraft say that too.
Howard said speaking of annoying women he has to talk about Maria Menounos. Howard said she's in a string bikini because she lost a bet on her TV show. Howard said her big punishment was putting on a Giants bikini. Howard said there are pictures of her all over the paper and she has this look of pain on her face but she's ripped. Howard said that her publicist must have been praying for the Giants to lose. Howard said that she was on vacation a few weeks ago and she was photographed frolicking in the water having more fun than anyone ever.
Howard said that you don't frolic in the water like that. He said Maria gets in the water and has the most fun ever and she's all by herself. He said it's an obvious phot shoot. He said she's a nice girl but she should never be photographed in a bikini again. Howard said she's got a super hot body and she was in her underwear there once. He said that it's so phony when they do this bet and make her wear a bikini.
Howard said that parades are a big waste of time. He said they're doing the Giants parade there today. He said that the only one he would approve is for the troops coming home. Howard said those are real men and that's real courage. He said these parades just cause havoc. Howard said it is good for commerce though so he has to say that.
Robin said the parade is downtown so it won't bother them today. Howard said that's true so they can't complain too much. Howard said it would be worse if it was tying up traffic there.
Howard said he actually has a friend who thanks god for his feet so he can run. Howard said he thanked God for TV. He said he loves TV and that's his friend when no one else is there. He said he loves TV. He said he got home yesterday and watched The Voice that aired after the Super Bowl. Robin said she likes that show too. She said she's not sure if she'll stick with it after they pick the people but she likes that part of it.
Howard said he watched Fringe yesterday too. He said Beth came home after work and he told her he had to get back to TV. He said TV is the best invention. He said that he's a shut in. He said he saw David Steinberg interviewing Chris Rock and that was really good too. He said he really likes Chris.
Howard said he watched Saturday Night Live too. He said he was so busy with TV. He said it's too much but he loved it. He said his daughter called once during the show so he had to stop for her. He said he made dinner plans with her but he was very busy with TV.
Robin said she watched Justified. She said that's another great show that Howard should watch. She said that he should get that to watch too. Howard said he'll write that down. Robin said this guy is a U.S. Marshall and they have great characters on the show. She didn't think she'd like it but it's great. Robin said it's on FX. Howard said he likes shows with titties. Robin asked if he saw Homeland. Howard said he has to get that next. He wrote that down.
Howard said he knows the name of the inventor of TV. He said that Philo Farnsworth is the guy who invented TV. Howard said that sounds like a scramble word but that's the guy's name. Howard said he's the Steve Jobs of his day. Howard said that he wanted to get pictures in people's houses instead of just radio. Howard said they should have a parade for this guy and a national day off. Howard said the guy died broke. Fred said Tesla did too. Howard said that this guy shouldn't have died broke. He invented television. Robin said he had 165 patents. Howard said he was a genius. Howard said we're all sitting there watching TV like dummies. Robin said his parents were Mormons too. Howard said he thinks that he contributed to RADAR and night vision and the baby incubator too. Howard said no one knows about Philo Farnsworth.
Andrea said that Will won't talk to her and return her calls. Howard said that he's probably very busy there at work. Andrea said that it's been more than 10 phone calls and she has to keep up with the show. She said Howard doesn't seem happy and he's out of sorts. She said that she got a job and she needs Howard to come visit her. She's working at the Ritz Carlton out in California. Howard said that's great but he's not coming to visit. She said she's going to be a bartender out there. Howard said that's great and he's happy for her. He wished her daughter a happy birthday. Andrea said that her birthday is on the 28th too.
Howard said he has to get to the show. He told her to stay in touch with Will even if he doesn't call back. She said she will. Andrea said she loves Howard. Howard said that's great that she got a job. Howard told Will to give her his cell phone number so she can get in touch with him at all times. Even on the weekends. Howard said that's great she got a job. They didn't think that was possible. Howard said he's happy for her. He said maybe they will visit her out in California.
Howard said he thought Andrea lived in the Mid-West somewhere. Robin said she thought it was in Georgia or somewhere.
Howard said he has to get this Homeland show for his traveling. He said he's not looking forward to that. He said he has to go out to California soon. Howard said Ralph is packing him. He said Ralph is going to pack up his clothing and he'll pack his own personal stuff. Howard said he would be so stressed out if he had to pack the clothes himself. He said that they were talking about doing a photo shoot too so he has to go to do that in San Francisco. Howard said it'll be Sharon and Howie and him. Robin asked if Nick is going to be there. Howard said he will be too. He said Nick should be home resting though.
Howard said they're talking about getting him off the plane and to this photo shoot and then to this TV shoot. He said he's already sick thinking about this. Howard said the pitch was that he had to work 31 days but now he's working a lot more than 31 days. He said he's not sure how he's going to handle this. Howard said he gets up at 3 in the morning and he can't change his body clock that quick. He said it's weird.
Wayne said that the special is going to air a week from Thursday on CNBC. Wayne told Howard that this guy came to him in 2005 and he was working 2 jobs at the time. He said he had no sales experience sand he hired him to work in sales at his dealership. Howard said the guy is doing well and he seems like a decent guy. He said he's not a rip off kind of man.
Wayne said that you can see a trailer for the special at LegendAutoGroup.com. Howard said he saw it and it was interesting but he really doesn't think the audience cares. Howard said that Wayne is just part of this documentary. He said that they shot this thing and they're not really in the business. Howard said that they figured they could get on the Howard Stern Show to promote it so that's why they're doing this.
Howard said one of the guys that produced this had an idea to have a phone line where people could call in and date Amy Fisher. Howard said they had this idea for Zoo Doo too. That's where they'd sell people zoo animal poo. Howard said none of these ideas ever came to be. Howard said that they come up with these crazy ideas and it never works out.
Howard said Wayne knows the car business. He said this special was interesting to him and maybe Fred would enjoy it because he's into cars too. Howard said that Wayne can't fire this guy now that he's in this special. Howard said that the family is always thanking him for giving him this job so he can't let him go. Howard said that the wife and kids are talking about how great Mr. Siegel is. Howard said that he gave them a chance and it was actually very sweet what he did. Howard said that there's a big painting of Wayne over their couch and he has a thorny crown. Howard said Wayne is the Abe Lincoln of car dealers.
Howard said Wayne is a good dude. He asked when this show is on. Wayne said the show is called ''Selling Cars in America'' and it's airing on the 16th on CNBC. He said the show is about dealers around the country, not just his. Howard said he's sure Robin will tune in. Howard let Wayne get in another plug for his web site LegendAutoGroup.com and then let him go.
Howard said Wayne called Gary and asked about getting this plug in. He said that he just said ''fuuuuuck.'' He said that Wayne has given him great deals on his car and he's helped him out. He said he can't just say no. Howard said that his audience doesn't care about that. They want to hear Adrianne Curry talking about washing her clit. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how Adrianne's boyfriend talking about his split tongue and pierced penis. Howard said he doesn't get all of that and she seems kind of nuts. He said she admits that though. He said she freaks him out a little bit. Robin said she'd think so. Robin said Howard couldn't handle that. Howard said she might be right.
Howard asked if this guy is interested in the Wayne Siegel special. The guy said he can't wait. The caller said that every morning he hears the show rewind before it starts and he's not sure what's going on there. Howard said he can picture Tim Sabean coming in and freaking out over that. the caller said that it happened around 4:29 in the morning. Howard said he'd check into that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can get tickets to the America's Got Talent taping next week. Howard said he could do that. He put him on hold for Gary to set up.
Howard said he had Andrea back on the phone. He said he already talked to her though. Andrea said that he seems annoyed by her. Howard said he has to get to other things. Andrea said that she knows that Howard has veneers on his teeth. She said that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Howard said he has had veneers since Private Parts. He said he's had them since 1997. Andrea said they look beautiful. Howard said he had them redone and he talked about that.
Howard told Andrea he can't spend all day with her. He said he loves her but this isn't a good time. Howard said that she has to call Will and then they'll put her on the show. Andrea told him that he told her to call when she's upset. She said she just loves them and she thinks that his teeth are beautiful. Howard thanked her. Andrea said she just wanted to say she loves them. Howard said that's great and said he knows she must need to help her daughter get ready for school. Andrea said the father has her right now. Howard wrapped up and let her go again. He said he can't communicate with her very well. He said Robin may have to take over there.
Howard said that he's not sure what Andrea is talking about. She said that he has nothing to be ashamed about. Robin said that it's the veneers. Howard said that he really has to take a break. He got in another plug for Wayne's TV special.
Howard asked what they can hear. Eric said that you can hear him say ''Shut up and let me talk for a minute.'' He said that's one of them. Howard asked if ''Eric is a pleasant guy'' is on there. Eric said that isn't on there. He said that ''I'm club fucking footed you asswipe'' is on there too. Robin laughed when Fred played that one. Howard thanked Eric for the call. Eric said he had one more thing. He said he will be at the Viper Room next Tuesday and he'll be on ''In Plain Sight'' on March 23rd.
Howard asked if he's going to be in San Francisco too. Eric said he will be. Howard thanked him for that and let him go. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has this guy David Choe coming in. Howard said that he's an artist and a painter and years ago when Facebook was starting they started up an office and asked him to do some graffiti on their walls. Howard said that all of the morning shows wanted this guy to be on. David said he did a painting for Howard. He had some old mics and a turntable in the painting. Robin said she loves it. Howard asked what that's worth. David said it's priceless. He said he was going to make prints and donate the money to the North Shore Animal League.
Howard said he was wearing a Three Stooges t-shirt too. Howard said he wanted to tell his story. Howard said David is a big fan of the show and all of these morning shows were after him. David said he loves the show but the one thing he hates is when Howard tells stories about jerking off. David said he jerks off the same amount today that he did when he learn to do it. He said he's 35 now. Howard said he doesn't jerk off as much as he used to. He said he has a great relationship with his wife so that might help too. Howard said he's 58 now and he doesn't jerk off that much anymore. He said he did it the other night and didn't really cum. David said he has that too. He said he spent some time in prison and he learned a crazy way to jerk off.
David said he was in a Japanese prison and he's Korean so they hate Koreans in there. He said that they have everyone in solitary confinement there. He said they have speakers in the wall and they try to brainwash you. He said the voice is a woman's voice so he jerked off to that. He said that he would jerk off once and he'd have nothing else to do the rest of the day. David said he thought about killing himself and things like that. He said he remembers reading about tantric sex and he figured that it was a good thing to try there. He said there's nothing else to do so you do that. David said that if you read a book you see notes that someone wrote in it and they spoil the book for you. He said it's like reading a book with 10 other people.
Howard asked David about what he did with his art in prison. He said he would draw stuff and they'd do anything for his art. He said he would draw a naked woman and the people would tear at him to get a hold of them. David said that his masturbation technique was to do tantric sex. He said he was jerking off and right when you're about to cum you squeeze your chode and stop yourself from cumming. He said it's the part that makes you cum. He said there's a muscle there. He said he'd push it up so it would stop the cum from coming out. He said that he screwed up the first time and it didn't work. He said it didn't feel good. Then he tried it again and again and he was able to squeeze up on the tube and his dick feels like it's finished but the cum doesn't come out. He said he can still do that to this day.
Howard said David isn't here for masturbation reasons. He was about to tell the story but David cut him off. David said he's not homeless like they're saying he is. He said he travels 9 months out of the year. He said he lives in Las Vegas in the hotels.
Howard said he wants to tell this story so people know who he is. Howard said David Choe is an artist. He said years ago when Facebook started they got an artist to paint a mural or something on the wall at their office. Howard said someone there knew his work. Sean Parker is the guy. Howard said that they offered to give him some stock in the company and David said he'd take it but he didn't know what the company was. David said the story is a little different. He said in 2003 he got an email from Sean and they went back and forth a little bit. He said Sean would write strange emails about the kind of art he wanted. He asked him to paint ''Uncertainty.'' He said it wasn't just one word though. He said he thought it was a joke. He just wanted a painting from him. David said Sean told him that his company was being sued for a trillion dollars because it was Napster. He said that Sean told him that he was the best artist ever and he needs to get a painting from him some day. He said he started another company called Plaxo. Then in 2005 he got tied up with Facebook and he figured he'd get a painting from him.
David said he was just out of prison and he went to see the guys at Facebook in Palo Alto. He said that movie was so sensationalized. He said they're all the coolest, raddest guys out there. He said Zuckerberg is great and he's been with the same girl since high school. David said he hates Friendster and Myspace and all of that shit. He said they told him about Facebook being social networking for college students. David said he hates everything about that. He said they told him about how big it was getting and he didn't give a fuck.
Howard said David took stock in the company. It was $60,000 and that was back in 2005. He said back then Facebook was just a joke. David said that his prices were going higher and higher and he asked for 60 grand. He said they had Sean there and he's a skinny, nerdy kid and he was nothing like Justin Timberlake. David said this guy told him that he was going to transform himself and he really did it.
Howard asked if he thought that they were really going to give him the money. David said he saw them get the money. He said he needed the money right away so he was going to take that instead of stock. Howard said that David must have been out of his mind to turn down the money. David said that he believed in this guy.
Howard asked David if he's a big gambler. David said he is. Howard said early on in his life he made his first million dollars by betting his money until he won a million. David said he did make it from gambling but it wasn't the way Howard said it. He said he started gambling at 15.
Howard said David's stock is now valued at somewhere between $100 million and $200 million. Howard said some people are saying he's worth that because of this IPO. David said that if people are grabbing magic numbers like that are wrong. He said it's ''maybe.'' He said it could be worth $500 million. Howard asked how many shares he has. David said they split forward and he's not even sure how many he has. He said that very powerful Jewish people are figuring all of that out for him.
Howard said David dropped out of high school and never went to college. He went to Vegas and where did he get the money from. David said that he would gamble any money he could get from working jobs. He said he lost every single time from 15 to 23. He said that he's only lost 3 times since he was 23. Howard asked if he's going to go out and break himself now that he has all of this money. David said he doesn't drink or do drugs or any of that stuff. He said he does graffiti and he does gamble and stuff. He said people think he's crazy. He said at 23 he lost all of his money. He was doing every shitty job you can think of. He said that he had to hitchhike back from Vegas to California.
David said that he was winning and then he lost it all. That's the story he has from Vegas. That's the story that everyone has. David said that it's all greed. He said when you're winning it feels awesome and fucking feels awesome too. He said he wanted to win and win more.
David said he loves the build up to a relationship. He said that he doesn't want to stay in one. He said he loves that build up and he wants to feel that with every girl he can. Howard said he's too into his work and into his life and he thinks that every relationship will turn shitty. Howard said he agrees that they will turn shitty. He said he gets that. Howard said he likes his honesty about that.
Howard asked David how he became a winner after losing all of his money. David said that it's basically progressive. He said it's a hit and run style of gambling. David said he started out with $500 and he said he was never going to lose again. David said this sounds so stupid and easy but it works. He said you bet 10 dollars and lose. Then you bet 20 and lose. He said you just keep doubling up and you win and then you put it away. He said you don't try to win a million at once. He said every time you win something you store it in your room. He said he doesn't want to lose his mind so he has someone making sure that he doesn't play the game wrong.
David said he would make somewhere in the range of $1000 each time he'd go to Vegas. He said he didn't have to whore himself out to sell his paintings anymore. He said he was doing just fine gambling.
Howard said David figured he'd start charging $10,000 for paintings and then people took notice. David said that rich people want things that they can't have. He said that you see pieces of shit in the lobby of a building and you wonder who ok'd that.
Howard said David was doing okay with the gambling so he charged for his paintings and now some of them sell for half a million. David said he made some good money last year so he just decided to sit back and relax for a while. David said that he got a weird call from this country that he had never heard of. He said that he sold this woman a painting for half a million dollars and he took the rest of the year off. David said that he did this one for Howard too. Howard said he's going to lock that up in a safe.
Howard asked if any of David's paintings have sold for more than he sold them for. David said he doesn't keep up on that.
David told Howard he has a friend who is a comedian and works in porn too. He said this guy thinks it's funny to throw in transsexuals or prolapsed anuses or something. He said that he threw a DVD in his player out in Vegas and he gets tissues and holds them under his chin. He said he stuck the DVD in and he was laying on the bed and it was a transsexual video. He said he stood up to get a different DVD and his phone rang. He said that it was a girl who he had met with a few years ago. She told him that she would suck his dick every day and night and he didn't have to marry her or anything. She just wanted $2 million. David said he was standing there with the tissues reading this text. He said that he wasn't sure where this was coming from. Then his assistant's phone was blowing up with news and calls from family. Good Morning America and all of these other shows wanted him to be on. He said that they were all trying to get him on and he's standing there with his tissues under his chin. David said that this asshole from the NY Times broke this story and everyone wanted to talk to him. He said that the only person he wanted to talk to was Howard Stern, the King of All Media. He said Howard's show didn't come after him but he's the only one he wanted to talk to.
David said that Howard is the only one he can relate to with this big money he has. David said it's crazy. He wants some advice. Howard said he wants to understand the story. He asked how the NY Times guy found out about this.
David told Howard that he believed in Sean over at Facebook. He said that they liked his art and that's cool. He said that he likes to express himself as honestly as he can with his art. He said that his mom brainwashed him saying he was the best artist in the world and he believed her.
Howard said David is all over the place. He said he wants to know about the gambling money and how he banked a million bucks. David said he won that over a year. He said he went from $500 to a million. Howard said that's when he decided to charge crazy money for his art. Then everything was clicking. He said that's when Facebook asked him to do the art and he took the stock. Howard asked if he can imagine his life today if he hadn't taken that stock. David said he'd have no regrets. He said he thinks of Howard and how he's the best and that's why he gets the money he gets.
David said he was with Mark Zuckerberg recently and he was painting their new headquarters. He did that as a freebie. He said he loves Mark. He said he paints everything and anything in the building. Howard told him to get out in the hall and start painting now. David said he would do anything for Howard too. He said he's been painting since he fell out of his mother's womb.
David said he lost his mind when he found out he was going to be on Stern. He said he had to paint and someone asked him to do graffiti on the building so he did that. He said that it's not graffiti if they ask you to do it. He said if someone asks you to rape them then it's not rape. Howard said that it's more fun to graffiti a wall when it's illegal though. David said that's true.
Howard asked David what he did wrong wot get sent to prison. David said that his therapist told him he's missing the thing in his brain that tells you not to do something. He just does things that he's not supposed to. He said he was stealing bikes and painting graffiti on the walls. He said that over in Japan they don't lock their bikes up. He said he was a thief and he was doing all kinds of shit.
David said that he was also a looter during the L.A. riots. He said that he was 15 or 16 at the time. He said his parents had a business in Korea Town so he went down there when he saw the riots going on. He said that Korea Town got burned to the ground and he figured they weren't being represented very well. He said he stole like crazy.
Howard asked how he got caught in Japan. David said he did something fucked up in one place and they thought he had stolen from this place. He said he had a bunch of art books in his back pack and they weren't stolen. He said they thought he had stolen them but he was convicted of a crime that he didn't commit. He said he knocked the cop out and they chased him and put him in jail.
David said they gave him 7 years over there. He said they suspended the sentence and he only spent 3 months in prison. He said they just let him out.
David told Howard that he loved his life up until this story broke. He said that he was having a great time gambling and now that this story broke he will never have his privacy back. David told Howard that he remembers when Howard asked Eli Roth if he was fucking celebrities and he said he was fucking all kinds of girls. David said that's what it's like for him. He said he's fucked celebrities and regular girls.
David told Howard that there's this thing called the whore trap. He said it's when a girl will push her tits together and change her voice to get a guy. He said that they still want stuff and she'll flirt with a guy to get what she wants. David said that he does the reverse whore trap. He said that the whore will look in the mirror and show pictures of herself. He said artists are the same way and he can paint women's faces. He said that he does that all day long. David said that if he finds a girl that is really vain he'll get her to do things for him. He said they think he's going to paint them or something but he won't.
Howard asked how many chicks he's fucking in a week. David said that he fucked 10 in one day once. He said it felt like the skin on his dick was going to fall off that day. He said he fucks anything. He said one girl was so fat he wasn't able to get his arms around her. He said he'll fuck a 1 or a 10.
Robin asked how he finds all of these girls. David said that 90 percent of the women he's had sex with are women who have never fucked an Asian guy. He said that black women are the Asian guys of girls and Asian girls are the black guys of Asian women. Howard said that made no sense.
Howard asked if he has a big dick. David said that he showered with men over in Japan. He said that he'd get into a bath tub with these guys and they don't shave their pubes. He said they have these beards and all you see is a red dot or nothing. He said he keeps his hair tight and they'd ask if he was a porn star or something. He said that a year later he was in Africa and he saw their dicks and they were the biggest he'd ever seen. He said that they asked if he wanted to know why they were so big. David said he was showering with guys and everyone has a big dick. He said they told him that they're so big because they're always naked. He said it's big because they're hanging down all the time.
Howard said he likes that all of these people wanted him to appear on their show but there's no way they could air any of this. David said he's going to do Barbara Walters and Jimmy Kimmel and they'll probably spend most of the show talking about Howard.
Howard asked David how he lives in Vegas. David said that he gets comped everything out there because of his gambling. Howard said he has to think about what he's doing now. David said he's been rich for a while now. He said he was worth a couple million before this Facebook thing. He said he made his first million by 30. He said he had a huge show in London that made him $2.3 million. He said he has a fucking good life until this fucking story came out.
David asked Howard if he remembers what it was like when he made his first million. Howard said he's never had that feeling that he made that money. He said he still works because he feels he has to make money. He said he spends his money on his wife and kids but not on himself. He said he doesn't feel like a wealthy man. He doesn't conduct his life any differently. Howard said he has this weird work ethic. He said he took this job with America's Got Talent and he didn't do it for the money.
David said he's missed out on the show a lot lately. He said when Artie did his thing that bummed him out and he didn't listen as much after that.
David told Howard he was supposed to be on Letterman last night for something completely different. He was going to play drums in a band that was on the show but he backed out because he didn't want all of this stuff to come up.
David told Howard that he's not sure what could happen in the next day. He said he could go out on the street and get shot or something. He said he finds it odd how rich people spend their money sometimes. Howard said that he knows what this is like to do things your way. He said that he never wants to have to bow down to a program director again in his life.
David asked if he's ever had two women fucking him at once. Howard said he was with two women and one was sucking his dick. David said it's such a great feeling. He told Howard that when he hears him talking about Beth he knows that he loves her but they should be living like kings. He said they should have women sucking his balls and just feel it for once. Howard said he doesn't feel that pressure. He said he loves his wife and he loves the security of that relationship. Howard said there are days when he thinks about how he could be getting his dick sucked but what he has with Beth is like no pressure. He said the sex is great and he really doesn't need that much sex. Howard said David doesn't need it either. David said he doesn't need it but...
Howard said he's not that great a wiper so he doesn't need a girl up his ass. David asked Robin if she likes massages. Robin said she does. David said she could get 5 dudes and have them all massaging her at the same time. Robin said that doesn't sound like fun to her. Howard said some women are a handful and you don't want to be that guy who just fucks them and leaves them. David said they use him too. Howard said people do get hurt though.
David said that he's done all of this stuff but the steak tastes the same when you're rich as when you're poor. He said the a-list pussy is the same as D-list. Howard disagreed with that.
Howard asked about David painting with his own blood. David said that he resisted arrest and they jumped on him and he told them to get the fuck off of him. He said that one guy grabbed him by the neck and kneed him in the back so he was bleeding internally. He said he was in severe pain but there was no blood coming out so they didn't believe him. He said he felt like he was going to die. He said he felt like he was going to explode inside. David said he went in the room and smashed his face into the bar so they had to take him to the hospital. He said they brought him to the hospital and they told him it was a stupid stunt he pulled and if they didn't find anything he was going to be fucked. David said he can't be caged. He said he thought he was going to escape from the prison. He said he told one of the prisoners he was going to break out and the guy told him no one had ever broken out.
David said they brought him to the hospital and they had him cuffed with a couple of cops there. He said they got the x-ray and found he was bleeding internally. He said they got back in the car and one of the cops was sitting on the car so he was thinking about how he could escape. He was handcuffed to a very old police officer. He said it was just him and the cop. He said that was the time to do it. He said the guy was talking to him about how he'd be fine and get out eventually. David said he started turning a little bit the other way and his heart was beating really fast. He said he was going to bash his head through the glass and get out. He said it was all playing out in his head. David said he was about to kick the glass out by kicking his head. David said the cop was old and he was afraid that he'd kill him. He said they were telling him he might be in there for 13 years. He said something in the cop's face changed and he just couldn't do it and he started crying. He said the cop told him not to cry. He said he just couldn't do it.
Howard said that David is going to play with Die Antwoord. He said he's also going to be on with Barbara Walters doing graffiti. Howard gave him a couple of pugs for that.
David told Robin that he was in Peru doing Ayahuasca like she was. He said that he's into fucking older women too. Howard asked if he's been with Lindsay Lohan or anyone like that. David said that any photograph you've seen of him he's probably been with. Howard said he won't pose in any pictures then. He doesn't want anyone thinking that he fucked him.
David said he got calls from a bunch of celebrities after he did this show ''Thumbs Up.'' He said that he likes his freedom so he has turned down a lot of show offers. He said that Thumbs Up is about hitchhiking and doing his own thing. He said he was thinking about when the last time was that an Asian guy had his own show. He said that most of the Asian guys on TV are gay. He said he might be the first one who isn't gay.
Howard said David has a podcast called Koreans gone bad and you can find out more at KoreansGoneBad.com.
Howard asked David about how much he bets these days in the casinos. He said that he has to bet like $100,000 or $200,000. He said that he can teach you how to do that but you have to bring like a million with you to the casino.
Robin asked David how the Ayahuasca thing was for him. He said it was great and he thinks Howard should do it too.
Howard asked if David is a Beetlejuice fan. He said he loves Beetlejuice. He said that he did some of that stuff in Chinatown. Howard said he has to have that. He wanted him to buy him that building. It says ''Bad as Can'' and ''Release the Poison'' and it was a picture of Beetlejuice. David said that he did that in like 5 minutes.
David said that he wants to bring in some shamen and do Ayahuasca in there. Howard said he's not doing that. David is also a fan of JD's. He said he loves when he comes in and they play that music. David said he can get that guy laid. He said JD has the long hair going now. Howard said he has no rap. David said that they must get laid just being on the show.
JD came in and Fred played the music. David said he can get him laid. JD said okay and mumbled ''alright.'' Howard said he's going to be out in Vegas in a couple of weeks so maybe he'll bring JD out there. David said he'll take care of him out there.
Howard gave David some more plugs and asked what he thinks his stock is going to be worth. David said who's to say that he didn't sell it already. He said that he doesn't want people knowing how much money he has. Howard asked if he sold his stock. David said he'll tell him what he did. David said that Howard has three kids and no son. He wants Howard to adopt him so he can be the Prince of All Media. Howard said he needs to see how many shares of Facebook he has first. Howard asked if he still owns his stock. David said he does own some of it. He sold some of it too. David said that he had to make sure he's set up. He said he already sold millions. He said he sold it for the right amount but he can't say how much. He said he's doing okay. Howard asked if it's over or under $50 million. David asked if he's the Prince of All Media yet. Howard said not yet. David said he wanted to be set up for life. He said he sold a lot and he still has a lot. He said he still has hundreds of millions worth. Howard said he will adopt him then.
David said that everyone just heard that. He said he'll take care of his dad. Howard said he loves Korean sons. Howard said he was a fabulous interview and gave him some more plugs. David got in a couple more plugs too. Howard said his new name is Kim Jong Stern. No more David Choe. Howard told him to go and fuck Barbara Walters. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. He said he had never heard of David Choe before. Howard said that's a pretty amazing story. He said that he got paid in stock before the company was big. Howard said that you hear a million stories a day about guys who do that or don't do that and the stock doesn't go anywhere. Robin said that she never thought that people would shop on TV when people told her about QVC. Howard said his father wanted to invest in Kentucky Fried Chicken when they went public but his mother stopped him. Howard said she asked who buys stock in chicken.
The caller told Howard that he should just throw away his scale and not worry about his weight so much. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said maybe he's right. Howard said Beth never weighs herself. He said she puts on pants and knows if they fit or not. It's another way of measuring.
Howard said Bill O'Reilly claims that he's the most watched man on cable. He said the ads they show during that show are for really old people who can't get up or who are on their way out. He said that they must all be on their way out.
Gary came in and asked if it's okay for David to do a painting in the green room there. Howard said he's fine with it but he's not sure if Sirius is okay with it. Howard told Gary to check with management. Gary said it's too late. He was already working on it. Howard TV had a camera on him so they were watching it live. Howard said they have to put that on Howard TV. He was putting Kim Jong Stern on the wall. Howard said he's good. He said that Facebook story was so fantastic.
Howard He said they wanted David so bad at Good Morning America too. He said he was busting their balls and saying that Barbara Walters had to interview him. He said that they said okay to that even though she doesn't usually do interviews like that. He said that he made her come out and do graffiti with him too.
Howard said he's proud of his son painting the wall out there. Howard said that's his boy out there. Howard said Fred left to beat David up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd like to go to Austin to see the taping. Howard said he'd love to give them to him but he doesn't have them yet. Howard said he does have a game to play. He said he had $500 to give away and he has a Beetlejuice game to play.
Howard told the caller, Jason, that they asked Beetlejuice a question and then 5 to 10 minutes later they asked the same question. Jason has to guess if Beet will answer the same way.
Howard played the first question but it was actually Beetlejuice saying ''It's yellow...'' like it was his answer. Gary told Howard that Sal told him it was supposed to be set up. Sal came in and said it was cued up the wrong way. Howard said he didn't play it. Gary said he just put it on track 1 and that was it.
Gary took a kick at Sal. Howard told him he can't do that. He told Gary he needs a time out. He told him to get out of there. Howard said he has to go sit in his office for 15 minutes. Gary said he wanted to tell Howard that he just put the CD in the player and set it to track 1. Sal told Gary to take his time out. Howard told him to do that too. Gary said he's not listening to Sal.
Howard said that Will never screws up like this. Sal asked what's the matter with that idiot. Howard said Gary really kicked him. Sal said he can kick him all day long because he busts his balls all day long. Gary said that Sal has a 102 IQ and you can't fuck with numbers like that.
Howard apologized to the caller. He said that he's never had anything like this happen before. Howard got back to the game and played the a test question. Sal asked Beet what color a lemon is. Beet said it was yellow. Howard said they asked him the same question 5 minutes later and Beet said it was orange.
Howard said that Jason has to figure out if he can answer the same question twice. Howard played Jason's first question which was ''How many toes do you have?'' Beet said he has ''two toes, man.'' Jason said he thinks that Beet will chose a different number. Howard played Beet's second answer from 5 minutes later. Beet gave the same answer.
Howard played the next question which was ''What's your favorite place to go to on vacation?'' Beetlejuice said he likes Canada. Jason said he doesn't think he'll give the same answer. Beetlejuice said Florida the second time.
Howard said he only needs one more right answer. The next question was ''What is the president's name?'' Beet said ''Clinton.'' Howard asked Jason if he thinks Beetle will say the same thing the second time around. Jason said he says no. Beetle's second answer was ''Clinton.''
Howard played the next question which was ''What type of people do you like most?'' Beet said that he likes Chinese people who don't get mad. Jason said he won't answer the same. Howard said he thinks he can. Beetle's answer was ''Puerto Ricans'' the next time. Howard said Jason won $500 cash for that correct answer. Howard said that was it for the Beetlejuice game.
Jason said he wanted to make a point. He said that he's been a fan for years and he thinks that he has a lot of ''yes'' people around him and he didn't look very good on Letterman. He said he thought he didn't look good in that suit he had on. He said he might need longer hair too. He said the hair style doesn't fit. Howard said he would be going retro if he went to longer hair. Howard said many women told him they thought he was handsome so he's going by that and not by Jason's opinion.
Robin was going to give her opinion but Jason said she's not the right person to ask. Howard put him on hold to get his $500. Robin said she thought Howard looked really good. Howard asked if he should grow his hair. Robin said no. Howard said he's going with her opinion then. They had to go to break a short time later. Gary came in so Howard asked what he was doing off his time out. Gary said he had to work. Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey songs. They played Mike Bocchetit's Baba Booey song and Gary said it's funny that he's calling him retarded.
Howard said he is getting excited for this thing. He said that people think that he's really going to hose people on the show. He said that people really liked the super bowl commercial.
Howard played one news clip where they were interviewing people about their favorite commercials and a group of people said that it was the America's Got Talent commercial with Howard Stern. They were yelling Baba Booey and things like that.
Howard said that guy in the commercial who got blasted with water took a couple of falls. He said that he had to do like 100 takes.
Howard played another news clip from Toledo where the news team was talking about their favorite commercials. One of them was the commercial that Betty White showed up in. Howard said that he's tired of this Betty White punch line in commercials. He said that it's not funny. He said they've heard that kind of thing before. Howard said he likes Betty but the only reason they're heaping accolades on her is because she reached 90.
Howard got back to the news clip where they were discussing the commercials. One of the hosts brought up Howard's commercial and they were laughing about that whole thing.
Howard said Donny Deutsch was also talking about the commercial. He had audio of that. Donny was talking about that commercial and showing it while they discussed it. Donny said whatever Howard does is right on the money.
Howard said even Larry King was nice about him. Robin said Larry and his wife are supposed to be doing a show together. Howard played the clip of Larry talking to TMZ about the commercial. Larry gave Howard the nod in the quick interview with awful audio quality. Howard said that the commercial for Larry's show should be him kissing her and saying that the wife doesn't throw up when he does it.
Howard said Piers Morgan was on Chelsea Handler talking about him. Howard played that clip and Chelsea asked why he was fired from America's Got Talent. Piers said that he was replaced in Britain by David Hasselhoff. He said Howard did a brilliant promo for NBC. He said he wished he had that hose himself. He said he wishes he could have blasted her with his hose. Chelsea said it's too bad his hose isn't big enough to blast her.
Howard said Piers was a good judge. He said he always enjoyed Piers. Robin said Howard has big shoes to fill. Howard said he should walk out in Piers' actual shoes. Howard said he was going to take a break after that.
Howard asked Pete where he was that he got this visit. Pete said he was online. He said he donated just to get into the show. He had no idea what they did until they just explained it. Howard said he's sure it's a good cause.
Howard asked Pete what he does. Pete said he works for a technology company in Silicon Valley. Howard asked if he's single. He is. Howard said maybe he can set him up with Robin. Pete said he's never been married himself. Howard said that might be the man for her. Robin told him to stop it. Pete is 46 and he still dates but not as much as he used to. Pete said he hasn't been in any long term relationships lately. Robin said he has a wonderful smile.
Pete said that she might laugh at him. Howard asked if he's pretty well hung. Pete said ''What's that?... no.'' Howard asked if he has a lot of money. Pete said he does not. He said he's also a meat eater so that might be tough to deal with when Robin is a vegan.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he had coming up today on the Wrap Up Show. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard read through some email and got some nice feedback about his Super Bowl commercial. Someone asked him to spray Benjy and his girlfriend down with that hose. Howard said some people said he and Robin were acting like experts after seeing the big game. Howard said they just go by what Al Michaels says.
Howard read some mail about his thoughts on gay people and how he's a liberal and not everyone thinks the way he does. Howard said he remembers his mother telling him around the age of 10 that Liberace was gay. Howard said he's so bad with it that he didn't know it himself. Howard said he remembers his mother telling him about their gay relatives and how everyone has the right to be happy no matter what their sexuality is.
Howard said that he got some other email about the gay discussion. He said that one person said that they think Rick Santorum will be outted some day. Howard said he's not so sure about that.
Howard said he got some mail about his Letterman appearance. They asked why he kept his shades on so long. Howard said that Riley Martin's show was taken off of Howard TV too soon. He said they were asking for it to be put back up. Doug Goodstein said he'll put it back up next month.
Howard said they got some good feedback about Adrianne Curry and how good she was during the interview yesterday. One guy said he blew a load hearing her telling her sex stories. Howard said they did get one negative email about her. He read that one and the guy said he had to change the channel. Another guy said it was the best interview he had ever heard. One guy said that he's gay and he didn't enjoy the Madonna half time show. Howard said he questions his sexuality then.
Robin read a story about some paperwork that was found that may allow her to trace her roots back to the slave days. Robin said it might not be that easy since her paternal grandfather was left on a doorstep.
Robin said the body of a man was found inside his home more than 4 years after his suicide. Howard said that's what's going to happen to him. Robin said this was in Wisconsin who was sent to deliver foreclosure papers to the guy. Robin said that he likely killed himself in 2007 and it was unnoticed by friends for years. Robin said that he had no family and he told friends he was moving to New Mexico. Robin said that most people assumed he just moved and never contacted anyone. Robin said the home was paid for but he kept getting tax bills so that's why it went into foreclosure. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:45am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about a woman who grew up Hasidic and ran away to go to college. Robin said she had an arranged marriage at 17 and she was told to never look at her genitals or at her husband's genitals. Robin said her boobs were never touched or anything like that either. Howard said that sounds like a lovely life. Robin said this woman said that they believe in faith so much they don't wear seat belts or put the kids in car seats. Howard said George Bush would do that too. Robin said they say the women have to shave their heads too. She said that you have to wear things that don't show off any part of your body. Howard said he's not sure who would want to live a life where your boobs are showing. Howard said Robin could never convert with the boobs she has.
Robin read a story about a teacher who was feeding semen to his students and taking pictures. Robin said the guy has resigned and the school has been closed because they found out another teacher was up to something there too. Robin said that this guy was arrested for fondling a couple of 7 year olds. Robin said they got rid of the entire staff and closed the school to bring in a new staff. Robin said some of the teachers may be reassigned to the school but not until they're checked out.
Howard asked when Robin is going to open a school herself. Robin said she won't be doing that. Robin read about a janitor that was arrested for fondling a child. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that case. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the ticker tape parade for the NY Giants that's happening today. Howard said he knows a guy who is bringing his kid down there. He said that sounds like trouble to him. He said it's a million people just carrying on down there. Robin said that they seem to be comrades in arms when they're all celebrating the same team though.
Gary came in and said that his 17 year old son came to him and asked if he could go. Gary said he told him no. Howard said he would prefer that his kids no go to something like that. Gary said his son wanted to go with 6 of his friends. Howard said he would say no. He said when he was 17 that was the last thing he wanted to do. Gary said Howard wasn't into sports though. He did go to concerts and things. Gary said he's letting his son go see Van Halen. Howard said the parade seems like a big mess to him. He said it's nonsense. He said a concert is somehow better. Robin said Howard has to stop thinking that he's everyone. She said that a lot of people love to be in big crowds. Howard said he doesn't believe in kids being out of school on a school day for any reason.
Robin said that they're saying that you can get things signed there at the parade. Howard said that's bullshit. He said you won't get that ball back. Howard said it's disrespectful to not show up to class on a day like this. Gary said the teachers are cool these days and they show movies on the day before Christmas and things like that. Howard said that's because people take their kids out of school and disrespect the teachers. He said it's not right. Robin said some people take their kids on vacations that are educational. Howard said he went to Virginia with his parents and he was bumming out there. Gary asked if he'd ever go to Europe for fun. Howard said he has plenty of fun there at his house. He said he has a friend who offered him a home over there to visit. He said he has no reason to want to go there. Gary and Robin tried to talk him into seeing some of this stuff but Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard asked Pete if he has any interest in that. Pete said he took a year off to go travel. Howard said he doesn't understand that at all. Pete said he went to Europe, the UK, China, New Zealand and more. Howard asked what he does for a living. Pete said he was at a company that did pretty well and he semi-retired for a while.
Robin said there are people who like to be in crowds and like to party. Howard asked Robin if she's into this guy Pete. Robin said ''here we go...'' She told him not to put people on the spot like that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read more about the parade. Robin said they say that this year's Super Bowl was watched more than any other TV show ever. Robin said that there was like 99.9 million dollars bet on the game in Las Vegas.
Robin read about Randy Travis being at the Super Bowl. Robin said he looks like Tom Hanks if he was in a car accident. Robin said he was arrested on Monday morning on suspicion of public intoxication. Robin said he was found in his car in a church parking lot with an open bottle of wine. Robin said he's apologizing for that now.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and asked if he's his hero. Jeff said he loves his music. Howard said that's going to be his big hero now. Howard said there is a percentage of the audience that likes that kind of thing. Howard said maybe he'll go to a strip club or try acid or something next. Howard asked Jeff what he should try next. Jeff said maybe some pot. Howard said maybe he can move into a trailer too.
Jeff said he got registered for AGT. Howard said they have auditions there in New York. Howard said that they won't have the judges there. Jeff said he's not going then. He thought he'd be on TV so fuck it. Howard said he doesn't even know what he registered for. Howard said he will be in New York shooting things for the TV show but not on that day. Jeff said he had something good planed. He said his stage name was going to be The One Armed Bandit. Howard said he knew he wouldn't go through. Howard said he has to market his laziness. He said he has to say he's the world's laziest man. He could just lay down on the stage and drink. Howard said Jeff should be Hugh Jasshole. Or maybe Drew P. Balls. Howard said he could just lay there as the laziest man.
Robin read about some primaries going on today and how Mitt Romney has turned his attention on Rick Santorum. Howard said that guy Santorum sickens him. He said he doesn't want to hear his religious babble. Howard said he thinks the guy is despicable. Howard said it's like going back into the stone ages with that anti-gay stuff. Howard said that's a real nut.
Robin read about the Clint Eastwood commercial causing some uproar. Howard said the guy can barely speak anymore. He said he didn't know he was watching a documentary. Robin said George W. Bush is defending his role in helping to bail out GM and Chrysler. Robin said he says he believes in the free market system but sometimes circumstances get in the way of philosophy. Robin said that Obama also granted another 60 billion after he got into office.
Robin read a story about the rock group America getting a Hollywood walk of fame star. Robin said she didn't think a lot of people were looking for that. Howard said they did have a bunch of hits. Robin had some audio of the band and some audio of John Stamos showing up and making a speech. Robin said Billy Bob Thornton was there too so she had audio of him. Fred played America's song parody ''The Boy With Horse Teeth'' after that. Howard said they're nice guys.
Robin read about a fire that killed a man and his two sons in Washington state after the mother went missing. Robin said that the husband was a suspect in the fire. Robin said they think he set it himself after finding gasoline. Robin said that they did have a picture that the 5 year old drew of what happened to his mother the day she went missing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for tickets to the America's Got Talent thing in San Francisco. Howard said he only had L.A. tickets. Howard had Gary take his info down and then he did a live commercial. Robin said she was done after that. Howard wrapped up with Pete and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said that the CD got put in and something went wrong with the Beetlejuice game. Gary said he didn't turn the button. He said someone hit something that made it go to track 2. He said it was on track 1 this morning when he put it in there. He said that Howard could have done it or maybe Scott did it accidentally. He said it was on track 1 when he put it in there. Jon said he must want to punch Sal when he gives him a hard time like that. Gary said that he and Sal pretend to be in more pain than they really are. He said today he was really pissed at Sal and he didn't want to take that from Sal. He said it got under his skin. He said Sal was right behind him and he wants to punch him when he does that in his office. Gary said he didn't really hurt Sal. He said he didn't kick him that hard. Jon said Howard was really upset though.
Gary said Sal would do anything to amuse Howard. He said all bets are off when he's amusing Howard. He said that he'd do that to his wife if it amused Howard. Jon said he's right about that.
Jon asked why they don't just send one of them down to the parade. Gary said that they really do work well together at something like that when they have so many people around.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Richard is being attacked when it comes to this. He said that Richard and Sal are good but not as good when they're not together. Gary said they don't know that because they never send them out on their own. Gary said he's really not trying to control them. He said they both do everything together. They even go to the bathroom together. Jon said they really are together all the time. The caller said he loves the two of them and he hates to hear them getting fucked with.
The caller said he's 40 years old and he's listened to he's listened to the show all his life. He said that Howard going on America's Got Talent is going to let his kids know who Howard Stern is. He said that he thinks it's great that they'll be exposed to that. Gary said he thinks so to. He said that his kids know who Howard is but they don't listen to the show. He thinks it'll be fun to watch the show with them.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked why Gary is griping at everything. Gary said he only got mad at Sal today. The woman said that she was just trying to get Gary going. She knows he was only griping at Sal. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he loved the picture that David painted for Howard. Jon said he liked the green room painting too. Gary said his wife thought he was a great guest too. He said the guy was so unfiltered and that's what makes him a great guest.
Jon asked Gary if you take the 60 grand or take the shares in Facebook. Gary said most people would take the money. He said that David doesn't seem to care about anything. He said that when you don't care you seem to be able to get a lot of things done.
JD said he liked that philosophy. He said that his mind must go a million miles a minute. Gary said Howard wanted to let him be himself but he would get off track sometimes. JD said he had paint on his hands so he must have been doing some painting recently. Benjy said that he did say he painted that Beetlejuice painting just recently.
Jon said that David was saying that he believed in Sean Parker and that's why he took the stock. Gary said he could have used that money at the time but it took a lot of faith to take the stock. JD said no one knew it was going to be that big. Jon said that it hadn't hit the big scene yet at that point.
Jon took a call from a guy whose phone cut out before he asked his question. Gary said he was going to say that David was just lucky. Benjy said that gambling thing is great that it worked for him but it doesn't work for everyone. He said that if you keep trying to double your money it just won't work. Benjy said that you'd always end up losing. He said he's one of a small percentage that it worked for.
Gary said that he and Jon were in Vegas a couple weeks ago and they were in line cashing in. He said there were some people who bet some crazy money and won. He said each person had between $55,000 and $80,000 that they were cashing in. Jon said he went to the table and tried playing after that. Benjy said he can't believe that it works like that. He said it just doesn't work. Jon said they'll debate this during the break. He said he'll break it down for Benjy during the break to show him how it works.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought that was a good interview and it was done very well. He said he thinks that David is a risk taker like Howard is and he doesn't think there was much thought into taking that 60 grand. Gary said he thinks he is kind of impulsive and he didn't labor over that decision for a week.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the IPO vs. stock is one thing but how much would they be willing to pay for the art they saw today. Gary said that it's hard to put a price on art work. He said someone bought a Van Gough a few years ago and people said the person was nuts but in a few years it doubled in price.
Gary said that David drew the whale thing in the green room and it might be valuable because he did it but if Shuli did it then it might not be worth much. Shuli said it must be worth something because Scott is in there with a rock hammer trying to take it off the wall.
Jon asked JD and Benjy if they have ever tried the reverse whore trick on a woman. Gary said he hasn't done it but he knows people who have. He said that people will tell women they'll get them on the show so that's the reverse whore trick. He said that it works for some people. Shuli said that they had Ass Napkin Ed on the show last week and he did that. Gary said High Pitch Eric would do that with cell phones at the Verizon store and things like that. He said just appearing on the show got him free stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that dude was one funny Korean. Gary said he doesn't know enough about Korean relations but it sounds like everyone hates the Koreans according to David. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that you can walk away with something if you have a big enough bank roll. Shuli said that there are black jack tables that have both dealer cards up at the table and it still gets you. He said he had a friend who played craps and he just quit one day and that was the last he ever saw of him ever again.
Gary said that he remembers the day that KC came to him and told him he won over $300,000 on GoldenPalace.com. A few months later he had gambled it all away. He said KC was going to get $6,000 a month for some amount of time and he ended up gambling it all away in a short period of time. Gary said it was ugly.
Jon wanted to move on to talk about Howard's L.A. trip. He said that Howard doesn't like travel. Gary said this first trip is going to be key. He said if he can pull it off he's going to be okay. Gary said he has to go to Austin and St. Louis and others. He said that L.A. is a place he's familiar with too. He said that he might be happy to go to the other places if this works out. Gary said if he goes to L.A. for less than a couple of days he stays on New York time.
Jon said that Howard is going out there to work and work Howard is different than the other Howard. He said that they could end up working until 2 in the morning or something.
Gary said that it's funny that they're going to eat at 5:30 out there. He said it's such a funny time to eat. He said he eats around 6 or 6:30 himself. He said if he goes out with his wife it might be at 8. He said Ross will go out to eat at 11.
Jon asked JD if he'll push Howard on the Vegas trip. JD said he's not pushing Howard on anything. He knows better than that. He said when the trip actually comes around he figures he'll still be there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that guy David wore him out. He said he felt bad for Howard trying to reel him in constantly. He said he had to turn the show off because he was so worn out. Gary said it wasn't an easy interview but it was very interesting.
Benjy said that David reminded him of himself. He said that his mind is all over the place too. He said that David was able to tell his stories and get to the good parts. He said maybe that's what his problem is. He doesn't get to the good parts.
Jon said that David was talking about how he's lost his privacy now that this story came out. Gary said he loves that the girl texted him and asked for 2 million to just blow him every day. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he had nothing to say. He said one day he will run out of things to say. He wondered what would happen if that happened.
Howard said he saw the new Spider-Man trailer like all of the other geeks out there. He said he knows a lot of people think Tobey Maguire is the guy who should be in it but this new guy looks good. He said the new chick in the movie is hotter than Kirsten Dunst too. He said her name is Emma Stone. Howard said she's way hotter than the other chick. He said Emma kind of annoys the shit out of him with the buck teeth but she's still hotter. Howard said she's way better looking. He said she's probably way more interesting than Kirsten too.
Robin asked what they're doing with the story. Howard said it does look like they're retelling the story of Spider-Man and how he became Spider-Man. Howard said we get it and we've seen it in 17 movies. Howard said they have that lizard dude in the movie and his name is just ''The Lizard'' which he found odd. He thought they had a cool name for him. Howard said he's half lizard and half man. He said he must be able to kick Spider-Man's ass right up until the end of the movie. Howard said he'd like to see Spider-Man beat someone's ass right away for once.
Howard said the guy can do all this cool stuff and then he encounters someone and it's way too difficult for him to kick their ass. Robin said it seems like there were no super villains until Spider-Man got his powers. Robin also said that in the cartoon he was able to do really cool stuff. Howard said Super Boy was always losing his powers on Smallville and that's why they lost him. He said he never flew until the last episode. Robin said she had to bail on it too. Howard said he stuck with it way too long.
Howard said he had a big TV day yesterday. He was watching ''Being Human'' and some other stuff. He said he lost interest in ''Grimm'' pretty quick. Howard said he was all excited about this 3 part discussion between the Beverly Hills Housewives and his TiVo didn't record the second episode. He said he and Beth were kind of bummed by that.
Howard said he has a new prescription for his glasses but he's too lazy to bring all of them to get new lenses. He said that he feels like Elton John with the number of glasses he has.
Howard said the stuff going on down there was crazy. He said there were kids taking off from school and he finds that to be an insult to the teachers. He said that it's ridiculous and the parents are teaching the kids to disrespect their teachers. Howard said he doesn't get the parade thing at all. He said the kids that show up feel stupid too.
Robin said there were people on the wrong streets and never even saw the Giants. Howard played another clip where Sal and Richard asked some fans if they'd support another holocaust if it meant another Giants win. Of course they screamed ''Yeah!'' They were all for a tsunami too as long as it meant another Giants win.
Howard said it seems like a moron factory down there. He said he hears all of the yelling and screaming and he just wants to get out of there. Robin said she can't understand the people who were down there and not even on the street where the Giants were. She said she's not sure why they're so excited either. The people didn't win, the Giants did. Howard said he was excited that they won. Robin said he's not on the street though.
Howard asked JD if he had a clip of some guy taping his dad screaming about the game. Howard said the kid recorded the dad when the Giants first scored the last touchdown. He said he recorded his dad screaming when they won too. JD told Howard where the clip was. Howard played it and the guy was screaming ''WE WON!'' at the top of his lungs. Howard said this is someone's dad. Howard said you have to see the visual. Howard said the guy must weigh 400 pounds and he had an Eli Manning jersey on. Howard said the kid posted it on the internet. Howard asked JD why he didn't give him the whole thing. He clipped out the first touchdown. Howard said he hardly ever edits things down. JD said he edits stuff all the time. Howard asked if he thought it was odd that he screamed like that in the beginning. JD mumbled something that got Howard and Fred doing their impressions of him.
JD said he was just trying to get the meat of the thing. Howard said he thinks that it would have only been another 30 seconds but JD edited it out.
Howard said he had another clip of a Patriots fan crying over the loss. Howard played that one too. This woman was balling her eyes out and getting all upset about them losing and how she's never going to get to see them play again. Howard said she sounds like a young kid. He said he's not sure how old she is though. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that. The woman was going on and on about the loss and crying the whole time.
Howard said that's a real fan. He said she didn't even want to call her friends because they might say something about the Giants. Howard said this country is so fucked up with people like this.
Howard said there are morons out there who voted for Rick Santorum in the primaries. Howard said the world has gone mad. He said he'd never go to Minnesota and Colorado after they gave Santorum the win. Robin said that Mitt Romney is wondering what's going on with this. Howard said Romney should just get up and say he hates fags and maybe that will get the vote out there.
Gary said he heard that this isn't the real primary. Howard said this is the caucus and they don't have to announce their delegates until the end. Robin said that they still get the bragging rights. Howard said it's weird and crazy.
Gary asked if this is good for Obama with all the craziness going on. Howard said some people think that Gingrich is going to come out of this as a super delegate and he'll be able to answer all of these questions from all the practice. Gary said it seems like they're making trouble for the whole republican party. Howard said that Obama has to be happy because it's fucking up the whole thing with this stuff going on. Gary said he thought Santorum was done but he's obviously not. He thought he was wasting his money but that's not the case.
Howard and Robin talked about that stuff for a short time. Howard said he heard that it's the media that's keeping this going by pushing for these other guys instead of Romney. He said FOX News has been accused of doing that. Howard said they need ratings so they need to keep it going.
Howard got back to the Giants parade clips. Sal and Richard were asking people about drinking so early in the morning and things like that. Sal asked if they'd take a big dick in their ass if it meant another Giants win. One guy said he'd do that every day of his life. Howard said there's a lot of racial comments in this clip too. The guys were saying they'd take big black dicks and talking about how the Asians have tiny dicks.
Howard said he feels doom and gloom when he hears these people. He said they're not at work and they're at a parade. He played some more clips of drunken fans yelling at the Patriots and Patriots fans. They were just yelling out a lot of random stuff. Howard said it's like Planet of the Apes. He said the apes were actually more civilized.
Howard said people were considering if Plaxico Burress should come back to the field when half the fans out there have probably shot themselves in the leg.
Howard played another clip where some women were screaming at the parade. Richard asked what they'd do to Eli Manning if he were there. The women were saying that they'd rather do the black guys. Howard said maybe this is why the white guys were so angry at the black guys. These women are looking for black guys. Howard said they're saying ''forget Eli'' and asking for black cock. Howard said he might have to go down there and scream some racial stuff himself. Howard said maybe that's the theory.
Howard played more of the tape where Sal and Richard asked what they'd say to Gisele Bundchen. They were saying they'd call her a whore and things like that. Howard said he was excited about the Giants win. Robin said she was too but she doesn't act like she won.
Howard said one of the theories is that the boyfriend found out about it and that's when she cried rape. Howard said Greg is a friend of his and he knows him personally. He said he's the loveliest guy in the world. He said he's a hero too. He was a pilot in the Air Force. He said he seems like a very nice guy too. Howard said the whole story smelled fishy to him. He said the sad part of this is that it could affect his career. He said it just sucks. Even if you're innocent you still have people thinking in the back of their mind that he did something.
Robin said the show Greg is on is very light and he'd get ribbed about being enamored of a super model and it might change the dynamic of the show. Howard said he hopes he can put it all behind him.
Howard said he thinks that Ray Kelly is a great guy too. Howard said he's sure this was painful for the family. He said they must have had to have been careful with this case since Ray is the Police Commissioner. Robin said they probably had to prove that they were doing a complete investigation. Howard said the woman is sticking to her story though so that's what sucks. They don't have any proof though. Howard said that's why this whole thing sucks.
Robin brought up the Jon Benet Ramsey case and how they were exonerated years later but for years they lived with that taint that they had something to do with it. Howard said he hopes that Greg can move on and put this behind him.
Howard said he read some comments from the fans on that page and there were people saying that they were going to have to find another favorite show. Howard said he doesn't want to fuck up anyone's show. He said he just wants to be a good judge. He said he wants to offer advice and counsel for the contestants.
Robin said the news accounts are all positive. Howard said it does seem like things have shifted. He said he doesn't want them to get too excited though. He said he's not Jesus coming and parting a sea. Robin said he's going to be America's Sweetheart. Howard said that's right. He's going to win people's hearts.
Robin said she saw Ellen Degeneres doing something on her TV show where she has young people on to expose them. She said that they had a girl on the show dancing to a track. She said that's all the girl did. Robin said she found that weird. She said that Ellen talked to her for a few minutes and then she just danced. Robin said she thinks she just found her on the street. Howard said that's the best thing for Ellen. She can't judge so she just puts them on her show. He said that's a more comfortable role for a nice woman.
Howard said it's very embarrassing. Howard said you feel like a dick if they seat you like that. Robin said that they had to walk to the stadium too. Howard said now she has something to talk about. Robin said that Rosie talked about how they got stuck in line and had to snake around so Rosie was hearing all kinds of stuff from the fans out there. Howard said when you're a celebrity you want to be ushered in and not stand in line.
Robin said it was the best rap on that show. She said that Rosie was talking about how thankful it was that Sirius took such good care of her. Howard said you have to read the fine print around there. He said he can't even get people to respond to him now. He said he's like the enemy. He said that's fine though. He said that he's like Boston in New York right now.
Howard said you really do have to read the fine print there. He said that they told Rosie they'd get her tickets and they got her tickets. Howard said he'd like to know where Ross' tickets were and where Scott Greenstein's tickets were. Howard said he's going to look into it and find out. Howard said he's going to do a full investigation. Robin said the story was a riot. She said Rosie got caught up in that vortex.
Howard said you have to get it in writing around there. He said that every thing seems to be open for interpretation. Howard said Rosie can blame him if she wants. He was the one who dragged her into this whole thing.
Gary had a picture of where Ross was sitting at the game. He said he'd bring it in for Howard to see. Howard took a look but he wasn't able to tell how good they were. Robin said that Rosie's tickets were in level 5. Gary said Ross was in level 1. Howard laughed. Robin said that Rosie eventually did get into level 2 by asking to switch seats with someone. Howard said that Ross was taken care of at the game. Not Rosie.
Howard said he might hold Howie down and shit on him. He said he won't be a gentleman about it. He said he'll choke him out if he has to. He said he knows he can take Howie down. Howard said he is almost a brown belt in karate. Almost. Howard said he had to stop because his groin hurt too much.
Howard said Howie can prank Sharon if he wants but don't prank him. Howard said even Piers was a pretty good sport about the whole thing. Howard said if you do that to him then that's basically calling him a tool. He's not going on the show to be a tool. He's not going to take it. Howard said Piers might like that stuff. He said that they may have gotten together at the beginning of the season and agreed to do it. Howard said he's not sure why Piers would take that shit. Robin said that he would tell Howie to grow up and leave him alone.
Howard said he told Howie that he isn't going to put up with it. He said he's putting him on notice that he doesn't take well to it and he doesn't have a sense of humor about that. He said he'll put his foot up his ass so far that he won't walk for a month.
Howard said Ron Delzner once said something to his wife once. He said that she was his girlfriend at the time and he had to go running through the halls so he could beat the guy into the ground. Howard said the guy had no business saying anything to Beth. He said he has no sense of humor about himself and he knows that. Howard said he doesn't know if you're joking or not so he's not going to take it.
Howard said Howie should still prank Piers. He said he'll even help with that. Howard said he can come up with a million things to do. Howard said he won't take that shit himself though.
Howard said he's like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. He has no ability to take a joke. Howard said if Howie wants to block the CNN building with so many soda machines that Piers can't get to work, he's in on that. He said he'll even help pay for it.
Bobo asked Howard if NBC can pressure him into going on Leno's show. Howard said they can't. He said he won't go on Leno's show. Howard said Letterman is the one who did the commercial with Leno and he was the one saying that he'd be pressured into doing it. Howard said if Jay did to him what he did to Dave he'd never go near the guy. Howard said there's no reason to do that. Howard said at least he got to point out that Dave did that commercial with Jay. He said it was impressive how fast they got that on Dave's show the night he was on.
Howard said Bobo is so into him that if a boat was sinking and he could only save his wife or Howard Stern, he was tortured over it. Bobo said he'd let his wife die if she wasn't the mother of his kid.
Gary said Bobo also said that he got rid of his first wife after she attacked his shrine to Howard. Howard said he has a whole room dedicated to him. Howard said he has to win for the biggest fan. Gary said it's like he has an illness. Howard said it's pretty amazing from what he's heard.
Howard said he has Christa Miller calling in with Courteney Cox in a little bit. He said that he has to talk about some photos he took with Christa. Howard said that he doesn't want to talk about them if Christa doesn't want to. Howard said he's not going to say if they were nude but Robin figured that's what they were. Howard said he won't talk about it unless she wants to. Robin said they have to be topless at least. Howard said he has a lot to talk about with Courteney and Christa. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that they were talking about going to see Van Halen but he's thinking that they should go immediately before the band breaks up again. Howard said he heard that it's already a disaster. He said the album they did is a miracle.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Jon said they have breaking news about Scott the Engineer. He said that Scott may be playing his son's band's music from inside his studio so people will ask what band it is. Scott has an intern by the name of Raphia, or Fia, and she was on the intern show talking about how this weird music would be on in Scott's studio.
Jon said that Scott is very upset about this whole thing. Gary said that Scott hasn't gotten along with his last 3 or 4 interns. Howard said the interns are there to observe and help out a little bit. He said he thinks Scott wants them to do his job. Jon said that Scott's son was very angry and he said that the intern shouldn't worry about Scott's music and she should just get Scott's coffee like she's supposed to.
Howard played the audio of Fia talking about Scott's music on the intern show. Howard said he wanted to talk to Fia about this. Howard had her and Scott come in. Howard said he doesn't want Fia to have an uncomfortable thing with Scott. Fia said that she's trying to step into Scott's shoes for a second. He said that it was probably the personal attack on his son's music that got to him. Howard told Fia that she didn't do anything wrong. Fia said that he asked about the music but Scott didn't answer him about it so he should have known it was something he shouldn't ask about. Jon said that Fia was forced to apologize too. Fia said he wasn't forced. He said she did apologize though.
Howard asked Scott what's going on. Scott said he didn't force her to apologize. Scott said he's not going to get into it with Fia but he has a problem with Steve Brandano. Howard said she did hear his son's music being played. Howard asked if it was his son's music. Scott said that he told her not to worry about the music that's playing in there. He said it could be music he's pulling for Fred.
Steve Brandano came in and said that he assumes that it's his son's music if he doesn't say what it is. Scott said he hasn't played his son's music in there in 3 years. He said that Fia didn't know what music it was he was playing in there. She assumed what it was. Scott said he told her she didn't have to worry about it.
Howard asked Scott if this is secret music. Scott said that it's not but people have a problem with the music he listens to in there. Fia said she didn't even assume what it was. Howard asked if Fia is uncomfortable going on the intern show now that this has happened. Howard said that she was right about whose music it was and he has no reason to be so upset.
Steve Brandano said that this is making her feel bad and that's not right. Scott said that she ripped his son's music and that's not right. Howard said she didn't like the music and that's fine. Scott said he's not saying anything to anybody so he's not sure why this is such a big deal.
Fia said that Scott didn't say anything to her but it was uncomfortable in there. Scott said he was uncomfortable too. He said that he doesn't play his son's music for anyone. He said he doesn't play it 24/7 in there like people think he does either. He said he didn't want anyone to hear it. He said it was 4:30 in the morning when he played it. He said he works on a lot of music for the show and he doesn't crank it.
Howard asked why Scott needs an intern anyway. Scott said he has a lot of stuff that he needs done. Fia said she hits record on a CD player and things like that. It's just stuff that Scott is too busy to do. Howard laughed when he heard she hits a record button. Howard said that Scott has better things to do than hit a record button. Fia said she's learned a lot from Scott. She said this is the only thing that's happened between them that was volatile. She said that she's sorry this all happened. She said she shouldn't have made the comment.
Howard asked Fia to report back to him if she hears Scott playing that music again. Scott said that she won't know when he's playing that music.
Howard asked Fia about her name and if that's the right way to say it. She said that's right. She said that her mother was Nation of Islam. Howard said his mother was too. That's why she kept him in a black neighborhood. Fia told Howard that she's a big, black lesbian. Howard said she has a crush on Robin too. Fia said Robin is a very attractive woman. She said that she's not sure how nothing has happened between Howard and Robin. Howard said maybe something has. Fia said that she's just assuming once again.
Howard asked Fia if she was going to buy Robin a Valentine's day gift. Fia said she did think about it. She said that she might get her some vegan chocolates or something like that. Howard said Robin always has admirers. Robin said she wishes that Scott would stop making his interns uncomfortable.
Howard asked Fia if she could turn Robin if she gave her an hour. Fia said she wouldn't even need the full hour. she'd just need 15-20 minutes. Howard asked if she has a girlfriend. Fia said she doesn't at the moment. Howard asked Robin if she'd try it. Robin said she will not. Howard asked if she's turned any straight women. Fia said she has. Howard said that she's hurting Fia's feelings and she should let her try at least.
Robin said she was getting uncomfortable. Jon said that Fia hasn't taken her eyes off of Robin the whole time. He said he was going to back up.
Howard asked how you turn a woman. Fia said that you can feel the vibe. She said that she's not sure if Robin has that vibe. She said she sees Robin for 10 seconds a day and that's it. She's not sure if she has that vibe. Howard said he can turn a woman against him in 15-20 minutes. He said he can't turn them on.
Howard asked Fia what she would do to Robin. Fia told Howard some of the stuff she'd do and how she'd turn Robin. Fred played some audio of Robin making sex sounds and then played Roger Alan Wade's ''Sweet Poon Tang'' song as they were talking about that.
Howard said maybe they can make that happen. He told Robin not to pass anything up and take love any way she can get it. Howard asked Fia if she's gold star. She said she's not. She has been with dudes. She said she's more like a bronze star lesbian. Howard asked Fia if she's had only bad experiences. Fia said that she has had some good ones. She said that anyone can make you cum.
Howard let Fia go after that. Howard said Robin is a temptress. Robin said that was a surprise. Jon said that's breaking news right there. Howard said he feels like everyone is into Robin in some way. He said it's every minute with her. She walks around teasing everyone. Howard said she's magic. Sweet, sweet magic. Howard said that's a great compliment when someone says they're into you like that.
Jon got to some more news and said that Lisa G has a ''R.I.P.'' not on a picture of Benjy. Howard said he hard a report about Lisa and how Dr. Drew was saying that this isn't about Benjy. Jon said that Drew has been following this very closely. He said that Drew was applauding Lisa for voicing her opinion about this whole thing. Howard said Drew had an explanation for what she's doing. Jon said that it's not about her being in love but she's protecting him as a friend. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck about Benjy and he's not going to protect him.
Benjy said that Drew met Lisa in person and he said that she actually is in love with him. Jon said he was about to say that. He said that Drew thinks that Lisa has some kind of emotional attachment to him. Jon said that she may not be in love with him but she does have an emotional attachment to him. Howard said he never would have thought she'd be into Benjy. Jon said that they have the photo that they could tweet out. He said she's very attached to Benjy. Howard said he had no idea she was that into Benjy. He asked Benjy if he was complimented. Benjy said he is in a way but he doesn't like what she's said about his girlfriend.
Jon said he wishes that they had a live feed from inside Scott's studio. He said he'd like to know what's going on in there. Robin said she had no idea that Fia was that into her.
Jon said Lisa thinks that Benjy has changed and that's what the ''R.I.P.'' note is about. Benjy said he's not going to be nice to someone who is saying such mean things about his girlfriend. Howard said he has been throwing off some bad vibes to people lately. He said he was doing that at the Christmas party. Howard said he wanted to talk to Lisa about this.
Lisa came in and said that she's not in love with Benjy. She said that he's completely changed. Howard said that she's way into this. Lisa said she took the ''RIP'' down. She said that Benjy has changed because he was so obsessed with the whole Elisa thing. She said that he's completely changed. She said that he never talks to them anymore and he never takes his hat off anymore. She said that she saw Benjy take his hat off and Elisa telling him to put it back on. Benjy said he has the hat off 90 percent of the time he's at home. Benjy said all he did was grow a beard. Lisa said that he's wearing platform sneakers and he's got the beard and all of this.
Howard said Lisa is telling Benjy how he changed and he's not listening. Benjy said he's doing what he wants. He said he likes being this person. Howard said he thinks Lisa is obsessed with him. Lisa said she's not. Howard said he thinks that if Benjy said he was in love with her then she'd go out with him. Lisa said she thinks of him as a friend. She said that if this ends she won't tell him ''I told you so.'' She said that she was taken off the story because she was so close to this.
Lisa said that Benjy has changed. Benjy said the only reason he stopped talking to her after she said mean things about his girlfriend. Lisa said it was happening before that. She said all she said was that he was trying to be a hero to this girl. Benjy said she said that he was being a hero for her non-career. Benjy tried talking to her but Howard cut him off so he could get out of that.
Jon said that they talk about this in the news room as soon as they get there. Jon said it starts right up at 5:20am. Howard said he wants to get back to Robin and Fia. Robin said there is no her and Fia.
Jon said they have a story about Bobo getting an old piece of foam from the old studio. He said they're trying to find out who gave it to Bobo but Bobo isn't giving up his sources.
Jon said that Scott is going to be bowling later this month and he will have to miss a block party gig if he gets into the finals. Jon said that's pissing off some of the guys in the Block Party shows. Jon said that they're upset with Scott because they have to go to Toronto and Scott doesn't have a passport or enhanced license. He said Scott is unwilling to pay for either.
Howard said Jon is very in touch with what's going on there. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's his man singing that song. Fred said he's not sure if that's Roger. Howard said it was Pink Floyd but not Roger singing. Fred said that it was from 1995 so it may not be.
Howard had Courteney Cox and Christa Miller on the phone. He said that Courteney used to be great friends with Jennifer Aniston but no more. Howard asked Courteney about their falling out. Courteney said that's not true. Howard asked how she's doing. Courteney said she was going to ask that herself.
Howard said Christa did tell Greg Fitzsimmons that she did a sexy photo shoot with him. Christa said they're the best pictures she's had anyone take of her in her life. Howard said she's trying to say he's a great photographer. Howard said he'd like to shoot Courteney too. Courteney said she'd like him to do that. Howard said Christa is way too comfortable. Howard said he did the photo shoot with her and Beth was there with him. He said he asked her to leave but Beth refused. Christa said it was an incredible afternoon and it was a lot of fun. She said Beth made her feel comfortable. She said that she felt very at ease with Howard and Beth.
Robin asked Christa to describe them. Howard said he's going to let her describe them. Howard said her husband is Bill Lawrence who is the creator of Cougar Town. Howard said Bill asked him to take pictures of his wife, Christa, and he wanted some sexy pictures. Howard wouldn't say they were nudes. Christa said they had some great make up that Beth helped out with. Howard said that they have to say Beth was there so everyone knows nothing weird went down.
Howard asked Christa if she'll ever release any of the photos so he can show them to the audience. Christa said she thinks that he could do that. She said that there is one with a necklace in the front that might belong in Playboy. She said the rest of them are fine. She said the best one was the one where she's looking to the side. Christa said that Howard would release a few of them. Christa said that Bill wants to put one in the closet so he can look at it without the kids seeing it. Howard said the photos are very erotic.
Christa said that she's sent Bill the pictures when he's at work and he drove right home to be with her. Howard said he came home to fuck her. She said that's right.
Howard got to Courteney. He said that he has to talk to her about what's going on with her and men. Howard said she's gorgeous and he's told David that he would bang her if he was single. Courteney said ''thank you.'' She told Howard that she loves him but he does destroy her sometimes. Howard said he has loved her since the Bruce Springsteen video. She said she was not sexy back then. Howard said she was way cute.
Robin said Howard had a problem with Courteney being at Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that was horse shit. Courteney said that Coco had a great time seeing her dad. Howard said he went to dinner with David and his new girlfriend. Courteney said she did hear that. Howard said he heard that she did bang her two co-stars on the TV show. Courteney said she's still saying that she hasn't had sex with another man since David. Howard asked her to swear on her child's life. She said she doesn't swear on her child's life. Howard said he's taking that as saying she has been with another man. Howard said that she obviously doesn't want to upset David.
Courteney was hearing static on the phone so Howard figured she was holding up some noise making machine so she could get out of this call.
Christa told Howard she's told Courteney to find a powerful man to date. She said that she's making her come out to dinner with her and some powerful people. She said they're supposed to go out with JJ Abrams. She said that he must have some friends. She said that they'll get him to bring someone with him.
Christa said that they have friends for her but the guys aren't nutty enough for her. Courteney said she doesn't know. She said that she's really not ready. She said this is hard for her. She said that they grew apart and they have compatibility issues but she's really not ready. Howard asked if no one has asked her out. Courteney said no one has. She said that she's nervous about dating. She said she doesn't really love to go out either. Howard said he knows a guy for her. He said he'll be out in L.A. next week. Howard said she may have to put out.
Christa asked what's up with Robin. Howard said he thinks that she just hasn't met the right guy. Christa said that she's not even dating. Howard asked Courteney if she's horny at all. Courteney said she has feelings but there are ways to deal with that. She said that she has time right now since her show has wrapped. Howard asked if David is around and fulfilling the husband-y duties other than sex. Courteney said she's really close with him still. Howard asked if she freaked out when she heard about the girlfriend. She said she kind of did. She said she has met her. Howard said he thinks that she looks like Courteney too. Courteney said that she didn't want to meet her but she got there just as they were pulling in with Coco. She said she had no choice. She said that she's very nice and tall and very young too.
Howard asked if she's flipping out that Coco is into her. Courteney said she's really not. Christa said they're very close in age. Howard said she could get David back in a second if she wants. Christa said she agrees. Howard asked if she wants him back. Courteney said this is awkward. She said that his girlfriend might be listening. Courteney said there is a part of her that misses David. She said that right now their relationship is better than it used to be and better than it was when they were together. Howard said he's confused by her because she speaks so diplomatically. Courteney said she'll talk to him about this when she sees him out there. Howard asked her to sob on his shoulder so he can put her on his lap. Howard said he thinks he could get her in line if he could date her. Howard said he isn't physically attractive but he could be there emotionally. Howard said the photo shoot should be Courteney nude on his lap. Christa said she'd shoot that.
Howard asked if Courteney is still close to Jennifer Aniston or not. She said they are close and they're having dinner tonight.
Howard asked Courteney if no one has asked her out for real. She said he has that right. Howard said she must be pleasuring herself with a vibrator. Courteney said not really. Christa joked that a little something just slipped out of her shirt. They were actually there together in bed. Howard asked what they were wearing. Then he told them to kiss each other. Howard asked if they're attracted. Christa said that she's not into girls but Courteney would be her type.
Howard asked why they're in bed together. Courteney said that they wanted to be close when they called into the show. Howard said that's very sexy. Howard asked Courteney if she's made out with guys. She said she has kissed. She said that she has kissed all of her co-stars. She said she loves all of the guys on the show. She said even the kid who plays her son. She said if he was 10 years older she'd do him.
Howard asked Courteney about this weird limo that she and David are in. Howard said he's afraid that they're going to go through all of her money. Courteney said they're all good there. She said they're really not in limo with that. Howard asked if David has his own money. Courteney said they're all fine and things are good. She said they settled and everything is good. She said she can't talk about that. Howard said he had her figured for about $80 million. She said she's really not worth that much. Howard figured she had ''Friends'' money.
Courteney said that she wasn't in movies like Jennifer was. Gary asked about the DVD sales and all of the syndication and stuff. She said she makes a little money every year but it's not what they think.
Howard asked Courteney if she had a pre-nup. She didn't want to answer but eventually said they did not. Howard asked if she had to give up half her money. She said she didn't. Howard didn't believe her. Courteney said that she won't swear on any lives about that either.
Howard said that whole ''Dancing with the Stars'' thing was weird. Courteney told Howard that if they were married and then divorced she'd be there for Howard too. Howard said he's sure she wouldn't be there for him. Howard said she'd be wild about him if they were married though. Howard said he'd have her tied up in bed. He said he's a home body like she is so they'd be having a lot of fun at home. Howard said she'd just have to have sex 3 times a week or so. In the beginning it would be more than that but eventually it would go down to 3 times.
Howard imagined what it would be like to bang Courteney Cox. He said that he wants both of them to take off their clothes now. Their phone connection was getting bad again. Courteney said that she had to put the phone on hold and change phones. The static got bad so Howard said he'd call them back. Howard said this woman is worth $100 million and she has a shitty phone connection.
Courteney got on a different line and tried calling in. Fred played some Geiger counter sounds as they waited for her to call back.
Howard asked Christa about what's going on with Courteney and David. She said that some people aren't compatible in a marriage situation. She doesn't think that there is any jealousy going on there at all.
Howard asked if she sees Courteney crying in bed there. She said she wasn't this morning. Courteney was back on the phone with a good connection this tine.
Christa told Howard about how she had to do a scene with David and she got to flirt with him and she got carried away. She said that she was climbing on a desk and Courteney had to stop her. Howard asked why she cares. Courteney said she doesn't really care. It was all in fun.
Howard asked if Courteney is longing for a man to enter her. He said the world is her oyster. He asked who would be a good match for her. Christa said her wealthy friend. Howard said she needs someone different. Courteney said she needs someone who is the good guy so she can be the bad one. Christa said Courteney wants someone who can take care of her. Robin said Howard isn't the right guy then. Howard said maybe Peter Dinklage would be a good one. Courteney said he's very attractive. Howard said that would be a great couple.
Christa said that Jimmy Kimmel would be a good one if he was single. Howard said he has Molly though. Howard said Jimmy is getting to be a good looking guy. Howard said Jimmy loves giving oral too. He said he told him that. Howard said he's just kidding and he's not even sure Jimmy likes sex. Howard said Courteney could probably break that Molly and Jimmy relationship up. Courteney said she would never do that.
Howard said he can see Courteney with a Jimmy Kimmel type. Christa said Courteney likes to laugh so maybe a writer. Howard said maybe Andy Dick is her man.
Howard asked Christa what her favorite sex position is. Christa said ''side.'' Courteney agreed. Howard gave them some plugs for their Cougar Town show that's starting up again soon on ABC.
Howard said Jimmy is having another party for him in L.A. Courteney said that she'll be there. Howard said David is supposed to be there too. Howard said that's going to be weird. Howard said it's going to be hard to set her up at the party if that's the case. Howard wondered if Ashton and Demi will be there too. He asked whose side they'd be on. Christa said that she's on Demi's side. Howard wondered if she'd be able to make it if she's in rehab. Howard said she won't last in rehab. Howard said she'll be there.
Howard asked Courteney if she's going to show up to the party with David. She said she's not sure she'll go with him but he'll be there. Howard said maybe he won't cock block him this time. Howard asked who she made out with. Courteney said it may have been someone from her show. Howard said that he must have fingered her too. She said that she doesn't do that. Howard said women don't seem to like that finger thing. Courteney said she doesn't remember David ever doing that. Howard asked if guys should just rub the outside. Courteney said it's best to rub the outside and inside at the same time. Howard said he'd do that.
Howard said the problem he has with making love to a woman on her side is that he explodes in a second. Howard said he doesn't think he'd last more than 5 seconds with Courteney. He said he thinks of her as one of those icons. Howard said he'd be nervous to be with her too. Howard said he'd want her to be impressed with his love making. Howard asked how long he'd have to rub her on the outside. She said he can go as long as he likes. Howard asked if she can cum from rubbing on the outside. She said she can.
Christa said Courteney has a rock hard body still. She said she went up to the shower and saw her the other day. She said that they had to compare shaving techniques. She said Courteney has a nice little bit of hair on there. Howard said Christa is as clean as a whistle. Howard said she's as clean as a baby. Courteney said she's got the perfect amount of hair down there.
Courteney said that she was doing a scene with her co-star and he called her Chewbacca because she had hair on her legs. Howard said it sounds like Courteney and Christa are pretty close and intimate. Howard asked if they check out each other's boobs too. They said they do. Howard asked if they ever wash each other. They haven't done that. Howard asked why they touched boobs. They said that they did a scene together where they adjusted breasts. Howard asked if they've ever done it in person. They said they were doing that right now. Howard told Christa to kiss them.
Christa said that she can be herself around Courteney said she still loves her anyway. Howard asked if they could go off and bang each other or would that be insane. Howard said they could get together and run off at the party. Howard said it would be all three. Courteney said she's never done that. Christa said she hasn't either. She said she really loves Beth though. Howard said he loves Beth too and he'd never fuck that up. He asked if they'd be open to that. Courteney said she might have to take some kind of pill. Howard said he might be able to get some hash and some stuff like that.
Howard said they'd have some party together. He said that Courteney would finally be able to be a party girl. He said they'd be nuts. Howard asked how long it's been since she had sex. It's been about a year. She said it's not that crazy for a girl.
Howard said that Courteney needs someone. He said if she goes younger it might be a disaster. Courteney agreed. She said that it would be hard. She said she's getting older and it's going to be tough. Howard said a younger guy might reach in and pull off her panties while they're out at dinner or something. Howard said maybe she can date Charlie Sheen. Courteney said she wants to be the bad one. She doesn't want to have her childhood issues rear their head. She said she went through a lot of nonsense in her family. She said her father was very charming an funny and he didn't have a lot of respect for commitment.
Howard said this explains everything. He said that being with David makes her feel like being a parent again. Courteney said that she's hyper vigilant and now she's ready to relax in her life. Courteney said that David is very much like her dad. She said that he's very open and free and that's what he was like too. Howard said the only mature, stable guy he can think of for Courteney is Leonard Nimoy.
Howard said he had to wrap up because he didn't want to keep them on the phone all day. Howard said he wanted to know what he could put up as far as Christa's pictures. Christa was fine with that so Howard told her to tell him exactly which ones she was okay with.
Howard asked Courteney what his chances are of getting her in front of the camera. Courteney said she'd do it. Howard gave them some plugs for Cougar Town which is returning next Tuesday, February 14th, on ABC. Howard said they should kiss before he gets off the phone. They said they'd do that. Christa said as soon as they hang up they'll do that. They gave each other a quick kiss so Howard told Courteney to kiss her back. He said he thought she wanted to be the wild one. Howard said he can imagine telling them to do this in a hotel room. He thanked them for calling in and let them go a short time later.
Howard said those are some fun girls. Robin said they had a little pajama party for them. Howard said it sounds like fun hanging out in Malibu. He said they're hanging out and bad mouthing David. He said that's what he'd be doing if he was out there. Howard said that sounded like fun to him. He asked the guys if they thought so too. No one else seemed to be as into it as Howard was.
Howard said he likes that Christa is okay with him publishing some of the pictures. He said that they were great and he's glad she was okay talking about what they were. Benjy asked if Howard brought it up or did they. Howard said he's the photographer so he brought it up. Robin said it was her husband who suggested erotic pictures. Howard said Beth worked with him on it to style the whole thing. He said that they had a lot of fun but it was a lot of work too. He said he puts a lot of time into it because he wants to come through for people.
Howard said Christa looks amazing in the pictures he took. He said she has some of them hanging around the house.
Gary said he ran into Christa's publicist and she was telling him how great they were. Gary said that's how he gets a good reputation. Howard said he's setting up a web site to offer his services and people will have to donate to a charity. Gary said that he needs to do that. Howard said the minimum donation is $25,000 for him. He was just kidding. Howard said he'd do it for Gary. Howard said he's proud of what he did for Ralph's Champion Magazine app. Robin hadn't seen those yet.
Howard said that Christa looks really good in her pictures. He said he wants to do a shoot with Robin too. Robin said ''suuuure.'' Howard said he wants to capture what she has while she has it. They had to take a break a short time later.
Howard said he had the tape of Rosie talking about her Super Bowl experience. Howard said he has to ask Ross about that. Gary told Howard that management isn't there because they're in some off site meeting today.
Howard said JD told him that the Rosie rap is kind of long. Robin said it is so that's why she cut it down a bit when she told the story.
Howard said that their version of Lady's ''Pussy'' song isn't as good as the original. Howard said someone sent him a link of a whole bunch of songs that women wrote about their genitals. Howard said he's wondering if Lady's pussy is really that good. He said it might not be as good as she sings about. Howard said Robin never sings about her pussy.
Howard said he heard that Ross unfriended him from Facebook. Howard said he did that because JD pulled the picture off his Facebook page where he was seated. JD said he took it upon himself to pull that picture. He said he saw one and pulled it for Howard. Howard said he unfriended him quick if that's the case. JD said he guesses he won't be looking at anymore Bruce concert pictures.
Howard took a call from a woman who wondered if people are going to change their views on Howard once he's on America's Got Talent. Howard said he thinks it will change the way some people look at him. Not his fans but maybe the women in the south and in the mid-west who don't get the show. He said he's thinking that some people will sign up for his radio show and hear it and then wonder what the hell is going on. He said he thinks he can offer a good opinion on the show. He said he thinks that he'll trick some people into thinking he's a good dude.
Howard said when he was on Letterman they brought out this guy in a bubble who was bouncing around and he didn't think there was much to it. Howard said he thought he was going to do something cool but it went on and on and there was really nothing there. Howard said he's kind of on to something but not quite. He said he did talk to him back stage and this is his career. He said he has to put more thought into it though. He said that he's perfected this act where he does nothing. Howard said that's what he's going to do on this show. The caller cut Howard off and said she defends him all the time. Howard said he thinks that there will be a curiosity factor there and he thinks that he can be like Adam Levine on The Voice.
Howard said he should be good on the show so as long as people don't tune in to hear his radio show, he should be fine. Howard said they have to keep those people from subscribing to Sirius. Howard said he'll ask them not to subscribe. Howard said it's kind of like Bob Saget. He said you see him on Full House and don't realize what he's like when he does his stand-up act. He said he's really filthy when he's doing stand-up. Howard said even he's offended.
The caller asked if she could play a game to win tickets to the taping. Howard said he'll be in L.A. next week. Howard said that he has tickets for her if she wants them. She said that she'll drop everything and come out. Howard said he had a 5pm show set of tickets for her. She was thrilled. Howard told her to come say hello. She said she would. Howard said she sounds like she's good looking too. She said that she thinks Howard will be pleased. Howard said he heard that they put the attractive people in the front. Howard said they don't want to show big, fat, disgusting Americans.
The caller mentioned she won some concert tickets recently too. Howard jokingly said that Rosie got tickets from Sirius for that concert and she's sitting in the back. That led to Robin saying that she heard Rosie talking about how Letterman made up with her too. Howard said he brokered that whole thing when he was on Letterman. Robin said Rosie didn't credit him with that. Howard sounded kind of bummed about that.
Howard asked the caller how old she is. She said she's 29. Howard found out her weight and height and that she looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones. She works with special-ed kids too so Howard said that they must go crazy over her. Fred played some Crackhead Bob clips to act like the special-ed kids talking to her. Howard said she sounds really hot from that description. Howard asked if she has a large chest. She said she does but they're not natural. Howard said the kids must go crazy. He did an impression of the kids talking about her titties. He said it must be insane. The caller said that she loves working with those kids. Howard did more of his impression of the kids talking about her tits and ass. Howard said it must be great for those kids. Fred threw in some Gary the Retard audio clips too.
The caller said that she taught a class of 19 year olds once and that was rough. She said that it's much different with the older special-ed kids. She said that they've never come after her or anything. Fred played some Gina Man audio clips while they were talking about that. Howard was playing the part of the teacher and Fred played the clips so Howard could argue with them.
Howard said he has to see a picture of this woman. He asked what she's going to wear. She said she'll wear the best outfit she can find. She said she'll find something for Howard. Howard did more of his special-ed kid and Fred played more Gina Man clips and stuff like that. The caller asked if he wants her to play a game. Howard said this woman is going with no games being played. He put her on hold so they could get her information.
Howard and Fred continued to have fun with the audio clips of Crackhead Bob, Gina Man and Gary the Retard. Howard said that must be some scene. They had to go to break after that.
Jon ran down a few more things and wrapped up. Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone after that. Mutt said they're going to have some extreme fans on tonight. He said that they have Mariann, Bobo and Double A coming in. He said Double A has a big announcement and they'll have some phone calls with some other extreme fans as well. That's tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Robin said that Madonna's brother was outside the Super Bowl while his sister was performing. Howard said there's no telling what that guy is really about. He said that they're trying to do the same thing to Tracy Morgan. He said that Tracy says that he loves his mother but he clearly has an issue with her.
Robin said that Russell Brand is saying he won't take any of Katy Perry's money. He's trying to keep the divorce as amicable as possible. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he thinks that he'll take some of her money.
Robin read a story about ZsaZsa Gabor's husband throwing a party and keeping her behind closed doors while it was going on.
Robin read about the primary elections and caucuses that were going on. She said that Rick Santorum was the winner. Howard said ''you mean, the Devil?'' Robin had some audio of some people talking about their votes. Robin had some audio of Romney and some of the other candidates speaking as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the David Choe painting in their green room might be worth like a million bucks. Howard said he did Sirius a big favor letting him do that in there. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Donald Trump talking about how he'd like a cabinet position of Mitt Romney becomes president.
Howard had Gary pick up on some people who wanted tickets to the taping next week. Howard picked up on one woman and told her that he'd give her tickets. Howard said she sounds like she might make it to the front. Howard asked for her measurements. She didn't know what they were. Howard asked what she looks like. She said she looks like a young Christy Brinkley. Howard said she'll be sitting on his lap then. Howard asked what she does for a living. She said she's in real estate. Howard said he'd buy a house from her. He wondered what kind of commissions she gets. She said that she makes really good money. She said she probably pulls in about $250,000 a year. She sells expensive houses but not a lot of them. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'10'' and she's got DD's. Howard said she's definitely sitting in the front row. She said she'll bring her hot friend too. She said that she looks a lot like Catherine Zeta-Jones too. Howard said now they have two Catherine Zeta-Jones coming to the taping. He said he just needs a Megan Fox and he's done.
Robin got back to her news for a second but Howard had to do another live commercial. After that he told Gary to pick up on anyone on the phone who wanted tickets. He said he can't take all of those calls himself.
Robin had some audio of Newt Gingrich talking about what he wants to do if he makes it into the White House.
Robin said that Roseanne Barr has announced she's going to be the Green Party candidate. Robin said she's got some people behind her in her run. She said that a marijuana group has thrown their support to her. Robin said that people will see her name on the ballot when they vote in California.
Robin had some news about President Obama and some other political stuff. Robin also had a story about this fire where a man burned himself and his two sons. Robin had the audio of the 9-1-1 call. Robin said they weren't dead after the guy stabbed the kids. She said that they died of smoke inhalation.
Robin and Howard also talked about a story they read about John F. Kennedy and how he would ask girlfriend to blow his brother. Howard did his impression of Kennedy for a short time. Howard said that Kennedy might have liked to watch other guys getting blown or something. Howard said maybe we shouldn't be so upset with Gingrich after reading that. Howard said he should bring that book in and read it on the air. He said that guy was a freak. Howard and Fred did their Kennedy impressions back and forth for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from an 11 year old girl. Howard said he hopes she wasn't listening to the radio. She said she wasn't. She said her mom makes her listen to him all the time though. Howard said she should be put up on charges. The kid said that she sings and she wants to go on America's Got Talent. She said she wants to go to the California show. Howard said she's in then. Howard asked what day. She wasn't sure but picked Friday. Howard said that they do pick cute kids to sit in the front. He figured this kid was cute. Howard asked if she's going to miss school. She said she doesn't have school that day. Howard asked if her mom is good to her. She said she is. Howard asked if her name was Coco Cox Arquette. She said that wasn't her name. Howard said he'll put her on hold and see her there at the show. Her name was Brooke. Howard told Gary to help her out.
Howard said he was nice with the kid. It shows he has a heart. Robin said ''I guess...''' Howard said he did hold back from asking how hot her mom was. Howard said he didn't do any of that. He did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Powell family which is the family that died in that fire they talked about earlier. Robin said the funeral is this week.
Robin said the Susan G Komen foundation is in some trouble after almost pulling funding from the Planned Parenthood organization. Robin said they reversed their decision and now the woman who was running the Komen Foundation is saying it wasn't just her idea. She resigned yesterday but she's blasting Planned Parenthood for publicizing the whole thing. Howard said it was a freaky thing. Robin had some audio of this woman talking about what she thinks of the situation and why she stepped down.
Howard said he heard them playing an Emergency Broadcast System test on Sirius. He wondered why they're still using this ruse. He said that we've never used it in the history of the system. He said that he was listening to some channel and heard the test. He said that there has never been an emergency where they had to use it. Howard said they should say ''This is a fuckin' emergency'' since they can do that there. Howard said he doesn't think it even went off on 9/11. Robin said it didn't. Robin said it's only for zombies and alien attacks.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods making his PBA tour debut this week. Robin said he says he's finally healthy. She had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said it's weird hearing him talk now. He said the guy is a freak.
Robin read about this kid Max Page who played the little Darth Vader last week. He's now speaking out about his heart problems and the funding that they're threatening to take away from hospitals. Howard said they have to keep that kid alive because he's an earner.
Robin read about Denzel Washington's new movie and had some audio of him talking about the character he plays in it. He was on Letterman talking about that. Howard said it sounds like he's really into that role. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon went over some other stuff that they were going to cover today. He mentioned the Lisa G and Benjy situation and Gary said that this is a woman who is too busy to meditate.
Jon mentioned what Howard was saying about Howie Mandel and how he's going to get back at him if he pulls a prank. Gary said someone suggested that they show Howie a clip reel of all of the people who have worn the headphones in the studio to freak him out.
Jon asked Gary about what went on with Scott and this intern. Gary said Scott has had interns doing this to him for the past couple of years. He said something weird is going on there. Gary said maybe people just aren't afraid to fuck with Scott.
Benjy said that he likes Fia a lot and he thinks that she's being sincere. He said that Scott is a safe target in a lot of cases too. He said that if an intern said something about Gary he might get upset too. Gary said they have and he has gotten upset. He said that an intern wrote a poem about his jacket and how old it was and he did get upset about it. He did let it go though.
Benjy said that Scott might be working on his son's music at work but he might be doing it while he's doing something else. Gary said that's still wrong.
Jon Leiberman came in and said Scott was the one who told him his son wanted to comment on this story. He said that was a big deal to him. He said that reinforced that he actually was listening to the music in the studio. Gary said that he could have critiqued it in his car on the way to work. Leiberman said that Scott claims that he was just baiting Brandano when he played it in there but then later he said that he wasn't baiting him so his story is all over the place.
Jon asked if there is some kind of ulterior motive going on with the music playing. Leiberman said he's not sure he has a master plan but he thinks he might play it to get a reaction. He said he thinks that he was playing the music so someone would ask what it was and bring it up on the air. He said that he has won in a sense because he did get it mentioned on the air.
Leiberman said that it's clear that Scott wanted attention for the music. He could have played it in his headphones but he played it loud enough for people to hear.
Steve Brandano said that for the Intern Show there have been way worse things said about Benjy. He said Fia thinks that it's Scott's son's band and that the music wasn't for her. He said it is putting him down but if that kind of conversation gets that kind of reaction then he's not sure what to talk about on his show. Benjy said he thinks that Scott gets picked on much more than average from interns on up. Steve said if he's going to treat them like this over little things like that then it's weird.
Jon said that these incidents did happen so they're not making stuff up. Gary said he asked Evan the engineer about why they never bring up anything about him. He said Evan said that it's because he's not doing anything goofy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott takes advantage of the show and he should be let go after this. Gary said that's ridiculous. He said he didn't violate any rules. The caller said he's being sneaky and should be let go. He said the guy is annoying too. Gary said you can't fire a guy over asking to bowl or for being annoying. Gary said he has the right to ask and they have the right to say no to the bowling.
Scott came in so Gary asked him about the last 6 interns he's had and how many have made him happy. Scott said 6 out of 8 were fine. He said the last one wasn't good. Steve said that last intern said that Scott stopped talking to him so he had to stop doing the Intern Show. Scott said he never told anyone that they can't do that show. He said there might be an ''uncomfortabilty'' in the studio.
Gary said he saw Scott in his studio and they had a camera on him and on Raffia and they weren't talking to each other. Scott said that she apologized to him yesterday and he accepted it. He said he just wanted to move on. He said he didn't give her a silent treatment or anything. Scott said she asked him some stuff yesterday and he answered her.
Shuli said that Scott was really upset when he asked him about it. Scott said he was but Fia had no knowledge of his son's music other than the 10 seconds of what she heard. He said she's trashing the shit out of him and his son so there is a betrayal there. Steve said she wasn't trashing anyone. He said that the weird thing is that Scott wouldn't tell her what music he was listening to.
Scott said if he said he was playing his son's music then it would turn into this whole thing. Steve said that he has played his son's music before and he didn't get in trouble. He said if he had just told Fia what it was then it wouldn't have turned into this.
Jon asked Scott if he plays that music so people will hear it. Scott said he only plays it on his own time. He said he listens to it to critique it for his son. He said that's what he was doing that day. Jon asked if he was baiting Steve or not. Scott said he was not. He said he never admitted to playing his son's music. He said there was music playing, that's it. Gary said he could play it in his car. Scott said he does that too. He said he wanted to check something he had heard and he thought about it then. Gary said he's still trying to figure out if he was playing it or not. Scott said he was. He said that he was playing it when Raphia was in there. Scott said that they assumed it was his son's music though. He said they didn't know for sure.
Steve said that this seems to be something that Scott is planting just to get on the air. Scott denied that. Jon had to cut them off so they could take a break.
Scott said that he knew that playing music would bite him in the ass when he saw Steve walk by. Gary said he thinks that Scott is trying to back and alibi. Scott said if he wants his son's music to be noticed, he'll do that. He said it's not ready to hear yet so he's not doing that. Gary said that's clear because he hasn't mentioned his son's band's name once.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they would do if Scott was being honest and said that he was doing it on purpose. Gary said that he would have gotten 5 minutes of Howard telling him that his son is done and he's not going to go anywhere in that band.
Leiberman said that he thinks that Scott was more mad about this than anything he's seen him upset about. Steve said that he didn't even bring this story to Gary until he heard Leiberman talking to Fia about the whole thing. Scott said he knows that. Jon said he thought that Scott was upset that his son got trashed. Scott said that she did bash it. Gary said she compared it to Creed and she just didn't like it. It's not her kind of music.
Scott said he's trying to teach this intern something and he's letting her into his office to do that. Gary said he can understand that in a way. He said he gets that. Scott said that they come in and betray him when they do something like this. Steve said she just talked about it on the Intern Show. Scott said he knows that.
Jon said he wanted to move on. Gary said that he didn't know that Jon Leiberman had only been there for 6 months. Hein said he thought it was more like a year or two.
Jon said that they did get to know more and more about them in the phone call. Jon said that Courteney wants to talk to Howard in private out there in L.A. next week too.
Jon said that Christa talked about the great pictures that Howard took of her. Gary said he thought it was funny when they said that Beth was there and they couldn't say that enough.
Jon sand Gary talked about Courteney and how she claims she's gone a year without sex. Gary said it appears a woman can do that better than a man. Benjy said he's gone through break ups and he can have sex with another woman but to be sweet to the other woman is different. He said he would feel guilty about that and it would make him sad. He said that women might need to have that before they can have sex. He said a guy doesn't need to have that emotional thing to have sex in general.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Courteney was saying that her relationship is better now than it was in the past with David. He said that pisses him off. He said he thinks that she's got what she wanted from David now and he's allowing it to go through. He asked if they think that's a wrong thing. Gary said he doesn't think it's wrong and they just have a different relationship now.
Jon said that Sal went through the emotional relationship thing with his wife. He asked if that's worse than the sexual relationship. Benjy said he thinks the physical thing would enrage him. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked JD about Howard getting upset with him about the clip he played this morning that wasn't the whole clip. JD said he doesn't know what that was about. He said he thought he had pulled enough of the clip for him.
Jon asked Gary about what Howard was saying about the fan who screamed when he was thrilled his team won. Gary said that he gets that. He said if he was following a team and they lost he might throw shit. He said Jon has done that. Jon said he has punched pillows and stuff. Gary said he's passionate about it, that's it. Jon said that he's pretty quiet when the team wins. He said he gets upset when they lose. Gary said he just sits there when they win too. He said he doesn't go out banging pots and pans like some people do.
Jon said that if the Reds ever win again then JD might go crazy. JD said he won't go that crazy. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Howard asked Fred if he can play ''Lunatic Fringe'' on his guitar. Fred said he has to figure it out but he might be able to do it. Howard said he feels like he has to sing. He wanted to play a certain part of the song with his megaphone where it makes that squealing sound. Howard tried singing without Fred at first. He told Gary to see if the album has words to it.
Howard said the band is Red Rider and it was Tom Cochran who did it. Fred got his guitar and started to figure the song out. He started to play so Howard could sing. Howard gave it a try. He had new lyrics for the song and they were about Fred being the Man from Mars and he called the song ''Lunatic Fred.''
In the clip Howard was talking about how Gary was out sick with the flu for two days but he was able to go out to an appearance on Thursday night. Howard had some audio of Gary calling Stuttering John and leaving a message for him on his answering machine. Gary had to do that little cough thing you do when you call in sick. Howard played the clip and goofed on Gary as it was playing. Howard said Gary never gets things right when he says certain terms. Gary was telling John what he had to do at work the next day and he'd let out a cough once in a while. Howard thought he was doing it on purpose.
Howard played a remixed clip of Gary's coughs and said that it was a performance of a lifetime. Robin said they should play the cough whenever he comes into the studio. Fred did his impression of Gary coming in and coughing. He had Howard laughing. Robin said it didn't even sound like a real cough. Howard replayed it and said Gary didn't know what to do there so he pretended to be coughing. Howard replayed Gary's message while all of the guys were making the cough sound.
In the clip Howard told the story about how Fred met his wife on a dial-a-date show and they fell in love. Howard said all of a sudden she wants to be an actress. Howard said that Jackie's wife wants to be an actress too but she's really just a house wife. Howard said Jackie loves his wife and so does Fred. Howard said Jackie knew what he was getting though. Fred didn't. He said Fred thought he was getting someone who wasn't an actress.
Howard said he thinks that Fred's wife is a nice woman. He said that she's not an actress though. He said Robin isn't an actress either. He said she's in the business though so she can be an actress because she has personality and she's a broadcaster. He said she's a personality. Howard said she is earning a living doing this.
Jackie was goofing on Robin about her acting abilities so Howard said he's doing that because she's a woman. Robin said that she's the show wife that he can disparage. Howard said her critique means nothing. Jackie said that his wife is a trained actress. Howard asked where she trained. Jackie didn't say.
Howard said this isn't about Jackie's wife. He wanted to talk about Fred's wife. Howard said he'll attack Jackie's wife on Monday. Jackie said she'll love it too. Howard said the point is that Fred married this regular girl who decides she's going to quit her job and become an actress. Howard said the result of that is that Jackie's wife is dying to get into one of these plays like Fred's wife is in. Howard said Alison is doing better than Nancy is.
Howard said one of the producers of Tony and Tina's Wedding got Alison into the play and now she plays a nun who makes out with a guy. Howard said it's not even acting. She's just making out with a guy. Howard said his wife got this role and she jumps into it with a vengeance. Howard said she makes out with the guy for minutes. Howard said he had a clip to play where they taped the scene. Howard said this is tape of the girl who took over his wife's role. Howard said Fred can use this in his divorce. Howard told Fred to watch the tape.
Howard played the tape for Fred and showed how long the kiss was. It was about 7 seconds long. Howard said that was the woman who took the role after Alison. Howard said he had the tape of Fred's wife kissing and the kiss lasts a lot longer and there's fondling going on too. Howard said she's doing a whole involved scene. Howard said he's groping her and fondling her ass. Howard said poor Fred is in the audience with a pained face. Fred said he was getting sick to his stomach. Howard said no one is even watching this. Howard said this was still going on and they were up to 50 seconds already.
Howard said he watched this tape in his office and watched it alone. He said he got crazy from it. Howard said he wanted to see the new role she's in. He said in that one she rips off her clothes in a bar and guys are squeezing her ass. Fred said he has been there once and he had to get loaded. Howard said he told him that he wasn't going to drink but Fred said he had to drink.
Howard said this new role isn't acting either. Howard said taking your clothes off and getting your ass squeezed isn't acting. Howard said if she had acing skills then they'd give her a real acting role. Fred said he can't stop her from doing this because she's going to resent him if he does. Howard said he hasn't had a wife since August. Fred said he never sees her. He said when she's not doing that crap she's working out. Robin asked if they get excited when they see the making out. Howard said when he has girls on him in the studio he's fully aroused. He said if he could do that every night he'd be set. Howard said this is every night for Alison. Robin said she doesn't have to do it that long either. Howard said that's right.
Fred said his wife found out that they tape it and she warned him about the new nun and how they cut back on how much she was involved. Howard said she's had enough experience in that play and she should get out. Howard said the money she's making is going to a personal trainer.
Stuttering John came in and said Alison is on the phone. Howard told her that he doesn't like what he's seeing. Alison said even if she gave an explanation he wouldn't listen. Howard said he's going to show Fred the new role. Fred has only seen it drunk so far. Howard said this is her being dragged up on to the bar. Howard said she looks great in the clip. He said that she's not acting though. Robin said you can't even see her face.
Fred said he has a hard time watching that. Howard said she looks great with her stomach nice and flat. He said she's getting bent over the bar and now she dances and does a strip. She was simulating oral sex and rubbing her ass into his private area. Howard said she was in a thong and a bra. Howard said the guys start grabbing her ass now. Fred had a hard time with that. Howard said this guy is humping his wife.
Alison said she's not getting aroused by it in the play. Howard said he was. He said that is not acting. He said she's just rubbing into the guy's groin. He said he got upset for Fred after watching this. Alison said she's not going to do this forever. She said she's been doing it for about a month now. She said it's mostly improv.
Howard asked Fred to talk about it with his wife. Alison said if he makes her quit then she's not going to be happy. Howard said Fred wants her to quit. She said that he wouldn't do that to her. Howard said Fred doesn't like it and he's had it with this. Alison asked if he'd be okay with it if she was in a movie and had to do a love scene. Fred said that would be fine.
Howard told Alison to do what she wants. Howard asked Fred if he cares. Fred said he does care and she knows how he feels. He said he's told her how he feels. Howard said it's a joke. He said this is a stepping stone out of marriage. Howard asked Fred if he's thinking about divorce. Fred said it would cost him money so he's not thinking about divorce. Howard asked if he's thinking about cheating. Fred said he would not cheat. Robin said that's why she can do this. There's no danger for her. Fred said if she saw him doing this with some other girl she'd flip. Alison agreed. Fred said she gets jealous when someone asks him for an autograph. He said she thinks that they're coming on to him just asking for an autograph.
Howard told Alison to do what she wants. He said that it's really not acting. Robin said she's not sure why she does it at all. Howard said he wouldn't bring his kids to see this play. Fred said it's supposed to be a PG play but it's really not. Howard said she's running around in a thong and bra and he doesn't want his kids seeing that.
Howard said any stripper could do this part. He said it's not acting. Alison said he's right about anyone being able to do it. Howard said she really planned this out well getting in with Fred and getting an acting position. Howard asked what good it is to Fred. He said she's spending the money on a trainer. Fred said she does look good. Howard said he wants someone who can cook and do other crap. Alison said she does cook and does other things too. Howard said she's no actress.
Howard said he knows actors from non-actors. He said he got truly upset when he saw this. He hopes it leads to something other than a stripping job. Robin said there should be some kind of pay off after all of this.
Alison said she was working in the business when she met Fred. Howard said she was not. She said Howard isn't listening to her. Howard said Alison does look good. He said that she must be hoarse from being chilly while she's in the nude. Jackie was laughing toward the end of that so Howard said he loves it because his wife is up to this kind of stuff too. Howard said this is bad for Fred though. Fred said it's humiliating. He said embarrassing is too kind a word. Fred said the worst part is that she's enjoying it. Fred said he knows that face the guy has and it's the face guys have at Scores. Howard said they should hire her for their next party.
Howard said this is a really cool way to have other guys touch you. He said it's really creative. Fred said she has acting ability though. Howard said she'd be better off being in an acting class every day. He said this isn't acting. Robin said there are a million ways to act and this isn't the best one. Howard asked if she went to acting school. Fred said she did go. He said she's too busy working out and working in this play to take more acting classes. Howard said this will be the last he talks about it.
Howard watched the tape again but he had to have them turn it off so he didn't torture his man. Howard said he wanted to do the news and get out of there. Robin asked why they had to do this on a Friday. It's going to ruin some weekends. Howard told Fred he's sorry. He said he will never do that again. He said maybe he will if they change her role again.
Howard asked Fred if he's thought about divorce. Fred said that he'd be lying if he said it didn't cross his mind. Robin sounded shocked. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Gary has to talk to his dentist about his caps. He said he needs some white in there instead of green. Gary said he didn't want to get into that. He said he doesn't want bright white in there. Gary said this guy who did it was 65 and he'd buy a new Trans Am every year.
A Stern Fan In Beirut, Lebanon? 02/09/06. 8:25am
Howard said that after the show yesterday he put on his Fartman costume and called the Middle East. He recorded the call he made to Beirut since he wasn't able to get through to anyone in Iraq. He said he got through and things were going okay but then the most remarkable thing happened... The guy recognized him! He said that the guy is in Beirut but the guy knew who Howard Stern was and even mentioned SIRIUS radio.
Howard played the call where he told the guy who answered the phone that they should not be mad at Americans. He did his Fartman thing and asked the man to tell the people what to tell his people. The guy said he was going to write down what he was saying. The guy hung up on him once so Howard called back. He started to give him some lines to repeat. Then the guy asked him if he was Howard Stern. Howard said he was shocked when he heard that coming from the guy and didn't know what to do. He stayed in character for a few seconds but then came out and asked the guy where he was.
The guy said he was in Beirut, Lebanon and asked Howard if he would visit them over there. The guy said that he used to have tapes sent to him from the States about Howard and he enjoyed them a lot. The guy said that he follows his news everywhere he goes and really appreciates the show. He would like Howard to do something for the Middle East. Howard told him that he has a peace plan that involves the Robospanker. He said that Howard needs to work on getting his show over there live.
Howard told the guy that if his show was on it would probably be taken off the air. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy and then let him go. It was shocking to him that the guy even knew who he was. Artie said that guy is like the Lebanese Zolar. He was such a big fan that he had tapes sent to him over there in Beirut.
In the clip Howard was talking about car phones and how his buddy called him from his car the other day. Howard was talking about how nice some areas are on Long Island and that led to him talking about his childhood home town of Roosevelt. Howard said that the whole south shore of Long Island is like Africa. Howard told Robin about how to get down there and what it's like once you get there.
Howard said they're going on a safari next week actually. Robin said they should do some shows from Africa. Howard said he'd do that.
Howard said that Hempstead is turning into Africa. Howard said that there are some areas that are still white but they'll be turning soon. He said it's like one bit melting pot out there. Robin asked about some other areas. Howard said that there are some areas that go to war with other areas.
Howard went over some other areas out there on Long Island and said there are some black families in the white areas. He said they usually border the white areas. Howard said they should rename Merrick to South Africa. He said he was going to Merrick one day and he got off the Southern State and ended up in Baldwin. He said he was very nervous. He said he doesn't drive through anymore.
Howard was doing the mobile phone thing as a commercial so he suggested that everyone out on Long Island get one. He said you could end up in the cleaning person section out there. He said you don't have to get out of your car to make a call now.
Howard said he has another card he didn't read to Robin. He read that note and the guy was talking about Robin as the ''White, Negro co-host.'' Howard read about some word that they may have mentioned on the show but no one knew what the guy was talking about. The writer was a religious guy who told them where the word came from. Howard said the guy pointed out that the word stood for everything that he is. He went off on Howard for being a Jew and for going off on Robert Chambers. Howard said that the guy was calling him a douche face and calling him names. Howard said the guy said that his day of reckoning will come. Howard said he's a funny guy. Howard said that he'll get a whole rash of imitators after reading that on the air.
Howard said they had a guy call into the show earlier asking if when he contacts Elvis, is he really contacting Elvis. Robin said of course it's really contacting Elvis.
Howard tried calling Tipper Gore who was staying at a hotel. Howard called and tried to get through. He said he was scared and he was going to give up. Robin told him to stay on the line and get through. Howard said she's not even in her room. She wasn't picking up. Howard said Doug Williams is in town too so he may try to call him. Howard hung up since no one was picking up.
Howard was going to try calling Doug Williams. He said it is kind of fun to try and call celebrities. He dialed the number he had and asked for the room and they put him through. Howard said Doug is on the Redskins. He said they have a little network of spies out there who give them this information. Howard wasn't getting Doug on the line either.
Sal's Penis. 02/09/11. 6:55am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal was at a party the other night and he had his penis hanging out when someone would bend over to pick something up. Howard asked Sal what's up with that. He said he thinks that he's got such a desperate cry for attention that he has to do this stuff. Sal said he doesn't do it in public. He said that he was at a party and he was very inebriated. Howard said he's been as drunk as a skunk and he never pulls his penis out.
Howard said he thinks that it's all about his parents not knowing who he is and not paying any attention to him. Howard said that's it, there's nothing else to say.
Sal said that the people he was out with love the show and they're his good friends. Howard asked why he has to be the one who does that stuff. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard told Sal he should be a little bit content not to do anything like that at a party.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks is inside of him so everyone will know he's there. Sal said maybe he thinks that he's a jackass subconsciously. Howard said that Sal can't stand that people aren't paying attention to him. He said that's why he's always doing this stuff.
Howard said he remembers the party he threw for Artie and how Sal was outside rubbing his cock on a pumpkin at a vegetable stand. Howard said that was on camera at least. Sal said that things were going down with Ian and his wife at this party too. Ian was the guy on the phone. Sal said his wife was out getting kind of nutty in the driveway too.
Howard said that he was done with the conversation but Robin asked if Sal knows that taking his penis out at a vegetable stand is wrong. Sal said he's easily encouraged. He said Ralph suggested the pumpkin thing. He said another guy asked him to do the penis thing at the party. Howard asked why he does it. Sal said that he has to stand out a little bit. Howard asked why. Sal didn't know.
Howard told Sal to go back to work. He said he has to use his craziness to create stuff around there. He said he had a meeting with him about that yesterday. Sal said it really motivated everyone yesterday. He said he's looking forward to doing it. Howard told him to go back to work and behave himself. Robin said she wishes that everyone knew just how crazy Sal is.
In the clip Howard was preparing to contact Elvis from the dead. Howard had them dim the lights for him. Fred played the contacting the dead harp music. Howard tried to get into it but he didn't have the echo he needed. Fred fixed it but then Scott came running in. Howard kicked him out.
Howard contacted Elvis but he thought Cousin Brucie had come in. Robin said he's not dead. Howard did his Elvis impression. He tried singing but quickly gave up. Elvis said that the TV show about him is a disgrace and untrue. He said he wishes he were alive so he could take drugs and kill himself again. Elvis said he never robbed the cradle like they said either. He said when he met Priscilla he was celebrating the sprouting of her mammary glands.
Elvis said Priscilla's parents never complained once about him dating their 14 year old daughter. He said maybe he just doesn't remember that because he was on so many drugs. Elvis talked about how he had no time for his Priscilla and that's because he had to take time out for lunch and dinner and then more time to eat.
Elvis sang some more but quickly gave up once again. Robin said he can't write like he did when he was alive. Howard said that no one can write where he is. He said no one has color there. Everyone is green. Elvis said that he never got an honorary degree from Yale like he wanted. He said he used their locks on his refrigerator too.
Elvis said that there are three rules to being dead. He said one is to never make fun of Sting's girlfriend. He said the next is to never bang your head on the coffin. He said that you also never try to write for dead people.
Elvis started singing again. He went a few seconds longer than he did earlier. He sang about being an overweight guy for a few seconds before Howard returned.
Howard had Tiny come in and said that he was dressed up in an unusual outfit. Howard said he looked beautiful. Howard said he was wearing some kind of perfume. Howard asked what the hell he was wearing. Tiny said hello to everyone in there and got Fred's name wrong. He called him Mr. Ed. Tiny corrected himself. Howard said that he's going to lose his hair from dying it so much. Tiny said that he would rather be colored than gray. Howard asked if that's his political platform.
Howard said Tiny's perfume is worse than what Richard Simmons was wearing yesterday. Tiny was also wearing make up so Howard asked about that. Tiny said he likes to wear that to look younger. He said that the scene he wears is to let people know that he's smelling good. He said that he uses a good cologne that he enjoys. He said he won't say what it is because he doesn't want it to be too popular. Howard said he doesn't want to smell like every other guy. Tiny said the scent is about $12 a bottle so it's reasonable too.
Howard asked Tiny about the last time he was on when girls wouldn't get naked in front of him. Howard asked him about running for mayor and who put him up for this. Tiny said that he got a call from an agent who suggested it to him. He said he heard the idea and thought he'd give it a try. He said that he has ideas and he had a list of those for Howard to read.
Howard read about what Tiny would like to do and he had a subsidized rent idea that he started to talk about. Howard said Tiny is going to get laid from this. He asked when he got some last. Tiny didn't say.
Howard asked Tiny about the rent thing. Tiny said that would be taken out of the taxes. Howard said he wants to have a pooper scooper law reform too. Howard said if you don't clean up the doody then they will fine you $10,000 or give you a year in prison. Tiny said that he meant to state that something has to be done to discipline dogs from doing that stuff in the streets. He said there should be a strict law. He said there are already so many germs in the street that they should make sure dogs are doing it in a sanitary place. Howard said that on the second fine it would be $50,000 and then $100,000 for the third.
Howard said Tiny also wants to make people clean their private parts before going to see their doctor. Tiny said that they have to take that odor and he thinks that doctors shouldn't have to put up with that. Robin said she thought he was being serious about running for mayor. Tiny said he is very serious.
Tiny also wants to legalize all drugs. He wants to restore police authority so they can shoot first and ask questions later. He wants to revitalize the Bronx. Howard said he wants to remove the homeless so they can become clergymen. Howard read a bunch of other things that he wants to do and said he can't be serious about some of this stuff. Tiny said he's very serious.
Howard asked Tiny if he's ever been with a black woman. Tiny said he was with a lovely girl in 1966. Howard said he wasn't married to her though. Tiny said he did something naughty with her and he prayed for forgiveness. Tiny said she was a lovely singer in the village and she had the finest smile he had ever seen. Tiny said he permitted her to touch him and he was so sorry about that. Howard said he's not sorry about that. Tiny said he absolutely is. Tiny said that every sinful thing is enjoyable.
Howard asked tiny if he showered before coming in. Tiny said he did. He said he did that and then came into the show. Howard said maybe Tiny will stick around and comment on the news. Howard was going to go to break but they ended up talking to Tiny a little more about his run for Mayor.
Howard said that Tiny doesn't like to touch people. He said that he wonders where people's hands have been. Tiny is afraid of getting AIDS from other people so he won't touch glass in a restaurant. He will drink from that glass with a straw though.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said that Tiny wants to be with Jessica Hahn. Howard said she'd probably marry him. Tiny said he thinks that she has a deep, spiritual soul. Howard said she's got those big, fake, plastic cans too.
Howard told Tiny about the gyro that Jessica has ''down there.'' Howard said they wrote about that in Penthouse. Tiny said he can see she has a deep, deep soul. Howard asked if he dyes his pubes. Tiny said if there was a safe color for that area he would dye it. Robin suggested using Henna to do that. Tiny said he may try that and thanked her for the suggestion.
Howard asked if Tiny ever pleasures himself. Tiny said he does not. Howard didn't believe it. Howard said he must get excited seeing a woman like Jessica. Tiny said that he admires them but he will not pleasure himself.
Howard asked Tiny if he has ever seen a woman go to the bathroom. Tiny has not. He said that would disturb him very much. He said that it would ruin the romance of the moment. Howard said it might help him last longer though.
Tiny told Howard about a woman he was with who came to his room and took her clothes off. He said he wasn't able to throw her out of the room because she wasn't clothed. He said that she took a shower, got dressed and left. He said she cleaned up before she left too. Tiny said that she was Hari Krishna. Howard asked if she asked to have him. Tiny said she did but he was married so he told her that and didn't do anything. Howard said he's probably just saying that because he's afraid of the divorce lawyers. Tiny said that's not the case. He said that he really didn't do anything.
Howard asked Tiny if he ever had a gay experience. Tiny said he did have one. He said he was about 23 at the time. Howard asked if that's how he got his job on Laugh In. Tiny said that he just massaged the other man. Howard said he's had a massage from a man but he didn't do anything sexual. Tiny said he knew this man for about a year or two. He said he wrote about this in his book ''The Unauthorized Biography of Tiny Tim.''
Tiny started to tell Howard the story but Howard said he had to take a break and get back to it. Tiny said that we all go through life and may not talk about things like this.
After the edited out break Howard said Tiny was about to reveal his homosexual story. Tiny said he just got a massage from the man. Howard asked if he had any feelings for him. Tiny said there was a feeling. He said there are many experiences that people have that people don't talk about. Howard said he knows that. he's had some of those. Howard asked if the guy was gay. Tiny said neither of them were gay. He said that they were just talking and hands started to roam. Howard asked if he asked to touch the guy. Tiny said he asked to touch him and he said okay. They were at his apartment at the time. He said he was sitting on a chair and the other guy was on another chair. Howard and Robin asked for all of the details. Tiny said he knew that it was wrong. He said his mother was in the other room at the time too. Howard said that must have been a long time ago.
Howard asked Tiny for more details. Tiny said that he did all of the stuff to the other guy and the other guy didn't do much to him. He said they were doing this for about 2 years. Tiny said they would only do it for about 10 minutes. Tiny said that the other man didn't touch him but then he said he did touch him once. Howard said he's not sure about this.
Howard said that was something. He said that's when Tiny was ''Larry Love.'' He said he just wanted to be touched back then. Tiny said that he had his first sensual experience with a woman in 1966. He said even then he tried to fight it. Robin asked if he had a period of abstinence with Miss Vicky. Tiny said that the first three nights they were in separate rooms. He explained why and it had to do with some story in the bible.
Tiny told Howard that he isn't sure if Vicky was a virgin or not. He said she didn't bleed the first night they had sex. He said she did have her period the next day though. Howard said that's a big mess. Tiny said he didn't care if she was a virgin or not.
Tiny was telling Howard about some of the passages in the bible that he was going by. He said that he only believes that sex should be for having babies. Howard said he doesn't get these people who are always worried about God watching them. He said God is busy monitoring him all day.
Tiny said there were rumors about homosexuality in the bible. Howard told him he doesn't have to explain this stuff. Tiny said that he is a good massager.
Howard said Tiny has written a song for Jessica Hahn that he waned to play. Tiny broke into a song that was all about Jessica and what she had gone through with Jim Baker.
Robin said she's always wanted a song written for her. Howard said she must be losing her charm. Tiny said he wrote that song about 2 or 3 years ago. Howard said that was pre-implant. Tiny said he does love her. Howard asked if he wrote a song for his homosexual massage guy. Tiny did not.
Howard asked Tiny to stick around for the news. Robin went through some stories and Tiny stuck around to comment on some of that stuff. They ended up talking about Charles Manson at one point and Tiny was saying that he used to be a nice man but he may have snapped at some point. He said that if a man finds a spouse with another person he doesn't think that murder is that out of line.
Gary came in and told Howard that they their next guests there. Howard had Robin finish up her news. Robin went through a few more stories and Tiny was talking about some of that stuff. He was commenting on a story and saying that a woman's body is not her own. Howard said he wants to hear him argue this. Tiny tried explaining it but Howard was goofing around and Tiny got upset that he was making fun of Jesus Christ. Howard said he wants to pray to Jesus now. Tiny said he's taking Jesus Christ's name in vain and he despises that. Howard said he's not sure what he did wrong. Tiny said he rejects the fact that he's making fun of Jesus. Tiny said he knows Howard doesn't believe in him. Howard said he does but Tiny said he knows he doesn't. Howard and Robin apologized. Howard said he'll give Tiny a plug then. He said that should make him happy. Tiny said that's not going to make him happy. He continued to get more and more upset about Jesus Christ's name being taken in vain. Howard said maybe Tiny can report him to the FCC. Tiny said that some things are funny but this is not.
Howard said he has to get out of there. Robin told Tiny to calm down. Tiny said he's trying to bring out the truth and honesty on this show. He said he's also trying to explain how Jesus has saved his life and how he can look at pretty women and only have pure thoughts.
Howard asked when he took Jesus' name in vain. Robin said she thinks that he was referring to the gay story and things like that. Howard said he's just kidding with him. Tiny said without Jesus he wouldn't be where he is and he wouldn't be famous. Tiny said if he were Mayor of this town things would change.
Robin said she doesn't want to go on with the news. She doesn't want to get into more trouble. Howard said he agrees. He said they were doing good until this happened. He said he thinks that Robin led him into this. He said if he's going to be mad at someone it should be Robin. Tiny said he's not mad at anyone. He just wasn't happy about Jesus' name being used in vain. Howard said Robin is Satan. He did a satanic voice and Tiny got upset with that too.
Howard and Robin spent a couple more minutes talking to Tiny about him getting so upset. Howard said he was actually shaking. Tiny said he's never seen anyone take Jesus' name in vain like they have on this show. Howard took a few phone calls after Tiny left so they could figure out what had happened there. Howard wrapped up a few minutes later.
Mickey Rooney calls in. 2-9-96. Mickey Rooney called in while Howard was doing a bit on how easy it is to act like a retard in movies. Mickey is a really big fan of Howard's. Mickey was rambling on and on about doing a movie with Howard. I don't think that anyone knew what the hell he was talking about...not even Mickey!
(The following was added on 10/01/09) While Howard was going off on John and Gary he mentioned that John failed to tell him about a phone call he got from a big star yesterday. Howard said he needs to have a professional answering his phones.
John told Howard he took the call from the producer's assistant and the assistant told him it wasn't an important call. Howard said that John should tell him about the call anyway. He should have handed him a note about it. Howard said he could have told him it wasn't important but maybe he would have wanted to call the guy back.
Howard said he heard that John told the guy that he was in a meeting and he didn't take a message. John said that's not the way it went down.
Gary told John that he knew that call was important so he should have told him about it at least. Howard said he wanted to talk to the guy and he should have told him about the call. John said that's why he freaked out on the intern. He said he was told by the assistant that they were going to call back if the call was considered important. He never got that call back.
Howard said they need someone there who is accountable for the calls they take there. Howard said he's going to hire someone to answer those phones who can do it correctly. Howard said he's going to hire a Hitler that can run the office back there.
Howard told Gary and John that their day is coming. Gary said his day isn't coming anytime soon. Gary called Howard a loudmouth so Robin pointed that out to Howard. Howard told Gary that you don't call your boss a loudmouth. He said he lets him get away with it because he's too nice of a guy. He said he's going to hire a Nazi to take control of that office and they're going to have the power to fire people. Howard said he won't have anything to do with the position. Howard said he will find that person and that person is going to be a ball buster.
Howard asked John where his ''Nell'' tape was. John said he was caught up in other stuff and he didn't get it to him. Howard said John can't handle this office work. He said he's good at asking questions but he's not great on the phones.
Gary asked Howard what he wanted to do next. He gave him a list of things to do and Howard just said ''What?'' like he didn't hear a word he said.
Howard went off on Gary for not putting someone through on the phone and John told him he has to watch the movie ''Swimming With Sharks.'' He seemed to think that this was similar to something in the movie.
Howard lectured Gary on how he runs things there too. He asked the two of them to leave the studio and tried to move on. Howard said he wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. Gary asked him if treating people like this gives him the biggest orgasm. Howard said it really doesn't. Howard said he blows a stack when he thinks about all of this stuff going on.
Howard told the two of them to get out of there. Gary kept talking and wouldn't leave. Howard said this was ridiculous. He said he just wanted a phone call handed to him.
Howard said the other day the president of the company, Mel Karmazin, needed to see him. He said that his assistant called trying to get him. Howard said that he would take a call from Mel before he'd take a call from God. Howard said he can't fault the interns but guys like John and Gary should know that he has to take that call.
Gary came back in and told Howard and Robin about the interns reading a manual they have so they know the names of the important people who call there. He said that they do teach them who they need to know about. Robin didn't think they did but Gary told her they did.
Howard said that he's pissed at Tom Chiusano too because he sees all of this going on and just stands there saying that something needs to be done.
Howard asked where his ''Nell'' tape was. He said he still didn't have it. Gary joked that he couldn't find it and asked if this was his ass or his elbow. They wrapped up after that.
In this clip Howard was going off on Gary for going out and doing stuff that he shouldn't be doing. Howard said he wants to follow Gary around with a camera so they can find out what he's really up to. Robin said she heard Gary telling someone he didn't know what was wrong with their computer when they had a problem recently.
Howard said John was typing into the computer the other day but he was screwing it all up. Gary said John has the right idea but neither of them are clear on exactly what he wants.
Howard said that he thinks Gary is having sex with a woman that Gary is denying. Howard said he heard Gary say that he had sex with this woman the other day. Gary said he never said he was having sex with her.
Howard goofed on Gary's caps and said that he got this really good looking girl. He said that rock stars were flipping out over her when they called in. He said she must be hot if they're freaking out.
Gary said that Howard thinks that he shouldn't go out with women that good looking just because he works there. Howard said that's not true. He said he should be taking advantage of it. He said that he's surprised he hasn't banged that hot blonde intern that works there. Howard said that she should go out and get herself a rich husband. He wasn't sure why she was even working there.
Chet Haze Clips. 02/09/11. 6:45am
Robin said she's obsessed with Tom Hanks' son ''Chet Haze'' and his rapping. Howard said Lisa G almost got an interview with him until they found out he was making fun of him. Howard said that the kid is rapping about Glocks and the 'hood but meanwhile he's Tom Hanks' son. Howard said he's going to buy that album.
Howard played the audio of Chet Haze's music. Robin said they have teachers who teach kids how to dance for hip hop. They must learn the lingo from that.
Howard played more of Chet Haze's stuff and went through the lyrics trying to figure them all out. Howard said this kid is at North Western. He's not using a Glock or a ski pole on someone's peep hole. Howard said he's going to write a scene where Tom Hanks is dealing with his son and his rapping. Howard said he must ask who this kid thinks he is going to North Western and rapping.
Howard said he just bought some Dr. Dre headphones. He went to the Apple store to get them. Howard said he has an iPod and he doesn't like the iPod ear buds. They always fall out of his ears. He said he saw an intern walking around with them and he asked how he keeps them in. He said he can't even keep his in when he's sitting in the back of his car. Howard said Dr. Dre has some skinny headphones that you can fold up. He said that they stay on your ears too.
Howard got back to the Chet Haze song and played through a little bit of that. He told Fred that he has to stop it because he'd rather be controlling it. Howard said he will do it later.
Howard said he had a black guy come up to him and say ''Hey, hey.'' He corrected him and said it's actually ''Hey, hey, hey'' from ''What's Happening.'' He said he had to correct the guy but he knew from watching the show so much as a kid.
Howard said he and Jackie were at a movie screening together. Howard said he has always lined the toilet seat with paper. Jackie never does that. Howard said he's fascinated by Jackie. Jackie said it's ridiculous to line the seat. Jackie said it doesn't matter after where he's been and what he's done.
Howard said the toilet paper shows you where wet spots are on the seat. He said you can move to another stall if the seat is wet. Fred said what he does is put a role of white towels on and wash it off. He said then he puts down the paper. Fred said he'd rather not sit on a sticky seat. Howard asked Fred to do that for him next time.
Howard said he thinks that using water just stirs up the germs that are already there. Fred said he thinks it helps. Howard said Fred will come in after a 20 minute break and he would have been in the bathroom the whole time. Fred said that the other people there at the station seem to use the toilet like they're putting out a brush fire. Jackie said Lenny Bruce used to stand on the seat and pee. Howard said he's training himself to squat. He said he knows a gay guy who does that.
Howard said you can get AIDS and Herpes from the seat. Jackie said those things have to be passed along by bodily fluids. Howard said the water from the toilet can splash up. He said it's general cleanliness that he's talking about. Robin said she doesn't think Howard is out of line on this. Jackie told him to take a poll. Howard told him to take a poll on his own radio show. Jackie suggested calling a doctor. Howard told him to get his own show and do that and then see how long the show lasts.
In this clip Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could do a thing on the air that people could put on their answering machine. Howard said that reminds him of something he has to do. He said he's been honored by the Gavin Report and he has to record a message for them. Howard said they're having this award ceremony later in the month but he has to either go there or tape an acceptance speech. Howard said he thinks that he can just tape it on the air and he'll get the award. Howard said he wants that award so he's going to do it.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted. The caller asked if he could do something that he could put on his answering machine and he could even plug something. Howard said he wasn't going to do it for free but then he said he'd do it for the fans. Howard gave everyone a minute to record something for their answering machines.
Howard went quiet for a few seconds and then did the message where he said that the stupid twerp you're calling is probably playing with himself at the moment so leave a message. Howard asked if that was okay. The caller seemed fine with that.
Howard said he'll record one for Robin too. He started to do one but used her name. Robin said she doesn't have her name on her answering machine. Howard did another one where he said the person you're trying to call is out yelling at her mother right now, please leave a message.
Howard took some phone calls and one woman called in and said that the program director at their Cleveland station has quit. Howard said they shouldn't blame the Program Director. He said they should be blaming the morning show. Howard said he still wants to impress an old girlfriend that lives there. He said he's trying to impress Irene who has a husband and two kids there. Howard said she was stunning looking when he was 13. He said he got her at camp. He said he was a real dope back then though. Howard said his friend, Dr. Lou, talked him out of going out with her.
Howard said he was in love with Irene back then and she had giant jugs at 13. He said she had a body that a grown man would weep over. He said that she had the face of a beauty queen too. Howard said he has a picture of her from back then and he'll bring it in to prove it. He said he's in the picture with her so that will prove it was her.
Howard said that he was called Shades of Blue back then because he wore blue shades. Howard said he and Irene wrote back and forth with each other for a while. Howard said he read about foreplay before this happened and he ended up chickening out before he did what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to touch her but he wasn't able to do it. He said they ended up just kissing.
Howard said he was wild over this girl. Robin asked how he was talked out of going out with her then. Howard said Lou talked him into thinking he could be having a great time with other girls. Howard said he was so easily led that he walked right over to Irene and told her she was out and he was going to play the field. Howard said she ran off with a guy named Frank and that was it. He said he could have ended up marrying this girl.
Howard said he tried to convince Irene to come on the air 2 years ago but she refused. Howard said she just didn't want it. He thinks that she might still be mad at him for dumping her. Howard said he apologized for what he did to her. He said he was in love with her back then.
Howard said Irene told him that she married the guy she met after they broke up. Howard said she's probably glad that she didn't end up with him. Howard said he's scared women with his looks.
Stuttering John Celebrity Interviews. 2/9/99. 7:05am
Stuttering John went out to some Motion Picture Board of Review event last night and managed to get a few celebrity interviews. First up was Ron Howard who John kept calling Opie. He asked him if he's ever thought of using a toupee or getting hair transplants. Ron said that he has thought of it but decided just go bald. John also asked Ron about how he gives his brother all of the small parts in all of his movies. Ron said that he's actually in his new movie ''Ed TV'' and it's a pretty big part for him. John also interviewed Rex Reed the movie reviewer. John asked him if he ever used Prozac. Rex said he has and it worked so well that he stopped using it. Rex didn't like John's question about whether or not he's farted on the red carpet. He also didn't enjoy being asked if he's ever had a gay experience. He left after that one. John also got Erica Ashley and Michael Cain but they weren't that interesting. John asked Sonia Bragga to give Gary the Retard a happy birthday wish but she didn't understand him very well and made herself a birthday wish. Warren Beatty refused to answer any questions but tapped on John's microphone a couple of times. That was it for John's interviews but Howard had some tape of Jamie the intern at The Red Ball event. Jamie wasn't in to tell Howard what happened but he played the tape anyway. Jamie got Cindy Adams first and she actually stuck around and answered a bunch of questions. She was asked if penis size matters and said that she hasn't had one in so long it doesn't really matter at all. Jamie also asked her to guess Monica Lewinsky's weight. Cindy said something like 3000 pounds and said they could bend her over and put chairs around her ass to make a table! Jamie also got Naomi Judd but there weren't too many wacky answers with her.
Howard said there were times when he'd read a commercial or something and his voice would be really low. He said he submitted that to a commercial guy and they hired him to do a commercial spot for a record company.
Howard said he got this national spot for a record company and they told him to come down to the studio to record it. He said the group was called Voyage. He said they were becoming popular in radio at the time.
Howard said all they wanted was him to say ''Take a Voyage with Voyage.'' He said he walked into the meeting and they asked him to do the read. He read it in that awful voice he had back then. Howard said he asked for another chance and read it again. He said they couldn't believe they had hired him. He wasn't able to read it the way they wanted. They used it anyway because they had paid for it. He said he heard it running on some stations like WNEW and stations like that.
Howard said he doesn't get called for anything now. Robin said maybe they think that he's too big for that now. Howard said they have James Earl Jones doing that. Robin said that's all he's doing though so maybe he's more affordable. Howard said he was the world's worst voice over guy.
Howard talked about another audition he went on and how bad that went. Howard said he had to give up on those commercial reads after that. Howard said he was just bad at them when he'd be under pressure. Howard said he'd be up against professionals who had really deep voices that were perfect for the air. Howard said he was just a douche bag. He spent a few more minutes talking about his experiences before going to break.
In the clip Howard had Susan Olsen come in. He talked about how great her breasts looked and found out that she had a bra on even though it looked like she wasn't wearing on. Howard said they are meant to be stared at. Howard said everyone thought she got implants but Susan said they're natural. She said they just started growing. She said she was on birth control pills and they grew. Robin said that explains it.
Howard said he can't take his eyes off her breasts. He said she must have wanted him to look. Howard figured they were D-cups but she said they're actually barely a C. Howard said that can't be. He asked if she's wearing a wonder bra or something. She said she's not. Jackie said it's just the outfit. Howard said she turned out okay.
Howard said Susan is the one who flipped out and refused to do the Brady Bunch special. Susan said she was on the last one. She said she couldn't turn down the money they were offering.
Susan told Howard about what went on with the Brady special and how they got them to actually do it. She told Howard about how she doesn't have bad feelings about the show. She said she's producing a documentary about the show too. She said she wants to show what the experience was like for them back then.
Howard said Robert Reed was a closet homosexual. He asked if she knew that he was. Susan said she did. Susan said that you never would have known it though. She said he was just like a father on the set of the show. Howard said he read that she was in the Enquirer talking about substance abuse or something. Susan said she had a DUI and they had an idiotic story about her battling the nightmare of booze. She said she admits she's an idiot drinking and driving but she was just out having a good time. She said this friend asked her to drive him to work and that's what she did. Susan said she had to go to alcohol driving school. Howard said that's something Jackie could teach. He said he knows how to do it.
Susan said that she was in driving school and she got recognized. She said that they called her about it and then they called Barry Williams about it. They got a hold of her court papers. She said that they said that she and Barry can't hang out together because it always leads to too much drinking. Robin said he had a problem for a while from what she remembers. Susan said they were claiming that she had a big drinking problem and that she can't get any work so she does all of the Brady specials. Howard said she's the one who turned them down.
Howard and Susan talked about her drug experimentation. She said she loved acid but she doesn't do anything these days. She doesn't even smoke pot now. Howard asked if she did back then. She said she did quite a bit. Howard asked if she tried amil nitrate. Susan said she did try that. Susan said they used to have it in a head shop right across from her school. Howard said he'd like to throw her a bachelorette party at Scores. He said he wants to learn more about her first sexual experience and everything else.
After the edited out break Howard said he still can't get over Susan's breasts. He said that her sisters on the show turned out great too. He said that Maureen was his favorite. Susan told Howard he has to see the Brady Bunch movie.
Howard asked Susan about the guy she's with and if he spends a lot of time on her breasts. Susan said it doesn't do much for her. She said she lets him have fun though. Howard said he thought that he was doing it for a good reason. Howard said he had his nipples pinched at Scores once and he dug it. Howard said it did get annoying after 13 seconds though. Susan said her man has sense enough to move on.
Howard asked Susan if she had a lot of guys trying to get into her pants because she was a celebrity. Susan said she thinks she can see through that. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard said if he was with Susan he'd have her in pigtails. He said Susan stopped by to tell them that she's no longer Cindy Brady. She's Susan Olsen. Howard said he thinks that she doesn't like the girl who played Marsha. Susan said she loves all of her co-stars. She said that she's not going to bad mouth anyone. Howard said he thought she was going to say something earlier. Susan wasn't going to bad mouth anyone.
Howard asked if Susan is going to be appearing in Playboy. He had a note from Gary saying he should ask. Susan said she's not doing that. Howard asked if she's wearing panties. Susan said she's wearing a thong. Howard thanked her for stopping by and went to break a short time later.
And Finally... 02/09/05. 9:50am
During the news Robin read a story about teacher who was having sex with her 13 year old student. That led to Howard talking about when he was 13 and how he was afraid that he wasn't going through puberty so he ended up showing his package to his buddy Dr. Lou when they were at camp together. He said that Lew told him that he just hadn't matured yet and he'd eventually get larger down there. He said Lew gave him a false sense of hope when he did that. Robin finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show.
Robin's News. 02/09/11. 9:35am
Robin read a story about cancer surgery and how they've found that removing lymph nodes may be going too far because they found that people live about as long with or without removal.
Fred told Howard about the correct pronunciation of consortium. Fred had a computer program that was giving the pronunciation of the words. They were giving a bunch of others like sphincter and anilingus and things like that. Fred tried Kike and the N-word. It was a very proper pronunciation of the word. Howard asked for some other racial slurs. Robin threw some out there. She suggested ''sheeny.'' Fred said this was on Dictionary.com. They threw in some more words like cunt, whore and others. Howard told Fred to sprinkle them throughout the news if he finds more.
Howard said he's glad he wasn't two headed or his dad would have yelled at him even more. Fred threw in some clips of Ben yelling at him before they wrapped up.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:15pm