|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how excited he was to start the show. Robin said she wasn't convinced of that. Howard said when he says ''Hey oh!'' he's ready to go. He and Fred did that a few times to show they were ready. Howard said everyone loves it. Robin said that didn't work so well when the two of them tried to do it together.
Howard said he was listening to the clip of the two radio DJs who called the hospital and this nurse ended up committing suicide. Howard asked if they ruled it a suicide yet. Robin said they're still investigating. Howard said the prank call wasn't even that good. He said the DJs are pretty bad. Howard said the woman must have been unstable to kill herself over something like that. Robin said she must have had a great life if that put her over the edge. Howard said the Tradio people would be dropping like flies if prank calls made people kill themselves.
Howard played the prank call that he was talking about. It was made by a couple of Australian DJs who called a hospital where Kate Middleton was staying.
Howard said he's been making phony phone calls since he was 5. He said he used to call a pharmacy and ask if they had any scum bags. Howard said he would do that every day. Howard did an impression of what he sounded like when he was making those calls. He said he sounded like a girl in those days. Howard said the pharmacist was a nice guy about it and he went along with it. Howard said he'd ask for scum bags and ask what sizes they had. Howard said they only had one size back then. Howard did the voice he thought he had back then. Howard said he still has the tape of that phony phone call. He said he can't play it because he doesn't have permission from that guy. He said just his luck the guy is still alive.
Howard said he would make phony phone calls and pretend to be Gene Rayburn. Howard said he would ask people questions like he was playing the game. He said he'd ask ''Dirty can't hide from...'' and the people had to say ''Intensified Tide'' and he'd tell them they won. Howard said he had this big Wallensach tape recorder that he taped with. Howard said he would run downstairs and put it on the microphone and dial on the other phone. He said that's how he would get it on tape.
Howard talked about some of the other phony phone calls he'd make and how he'd do them. Howard said he had some other ones too. Howard said he can't believe they're beating up on these DJs over a phony phone call. Howard said there are so many other things that people do to people. He said the woman had to be unstable to do something like that.
Howard played more of the Australians doing their awful phony phone call to the hospital. They pretended to be the Queen and tried to get some information out of the staff. They did get a little information even though their impressions were horrible.
Howard said they should be taken off the air. Howard said they really didn't do anything wrong. Howard said they called the hospital and asked to speak to someone. Howard said they were all excited they were getting through. Howard said the guy was just about pissing his pants. Howard said he should call the same hospital and ask if they have any scum bags. Howard said then maybe they'll say they have to go kill themselves.
Howard played more of the call where the nurse picks up and the female DJ asks how her granddaughter is doing. The nurse gave her some information. Robin said that it was another nurse that killed herself. Gary said that it was the one who picked up first and put her through to the other nurse. Howard sounded shocked. She didn't do anything wrong. Howard asked if she's supposed to be Scotland Yard. Howard said she must have had issues if she killed herself over that. Howard said everyone is so crazy over this whole thing.
Howard played more of the call and the guy was doing his Prince Charles impression. Howard said that in this country you're not even allowed to do something like this. Howard said you have to get permission to put people on the air. Robin asked if they can even play this on the air now. Howard said he thinks they can because it's news. Howard said they didn't get permission but it's in the news now.
Howard said he was bored with this call. He said that his feelings are that this woman who killed herself is someone who might be a little bit emotional to say the least. Howard said he might defend these two awful DJs. He said the only thing they did wrong is bad radio. Howard said he wishes they could be arrested for bad radio. He said he would arrest so many people. Howard said Kidd Chris and Bubba might be safe. Howard said Booker would be safe too. Howard said he can't figure this out.
Howard said that someone took a piece of tape off their computer in there. Howard wondered who was in there doing that. Gary said it might have been the TV guys.
Howard said Sal and Richard made a phony phone call. Robin asked if anyone is dead. Howard said no one is dead. He said you can call into radio shows without getting permission first. Howard said that's why they call radio shows. Howard said as far as he knows no one has killed themselves. Howard said they called a health show and Richard was ''Little Rusty.'' In the call the hosts take a call from Richard and he says that he's little Rusty. He asked if Santa was there to tell him what he wants for Christmas. Richard asked for a BB gun and a toy truck. They asked how old he was. He said he's 8. They told him that they don't have Santa there and he was on the wrong show. Richard pretended to cry. Then Sal gets on and asks what the fuck is wrong with them telling his son that there's no Santa. They hung up on them and then took a call from Santa who said he'd get Little Rusty anything he wanted. Then Richard can be heard asking if his dad was calling in as Santa. Sal yelled at the hosts for ruining their Christmas.
Howard said that was Richard and Sal with their new character Little Rusty. Robin said she loves all of Richard's characters because they all sound like Richard.
Howard said he thinks that they were suspended. Gary said JD was getting footage and it looks like they're fired. Howard said that's a shame. He said that they'll come back eventually.
Howard asked the caller what their names are. The guy said that it's Mel and someone. He said he didn't remember the girl's name. The caller said that the guy was a reality TV show star before that. Howard said his dad's theory is that anyone can take over on radio and he's right. Howard said that he just got a note and it's Mel and Michael. The girl is Mel and the guy is Michael.
Howard read more about the DJs and what happened. Howard said they got fired. Howard asked if the nurse got in trouble over the call. Howard said they have to relax and get over this. He said that this nurse was obviously unstable. Howard said the DJs didn't do anything that bad. Howard said it's a tragedy for the family but it sounds like the woman had emotional issues. Howard said the prank call was a 0 on a scale of 10. Howard said it was bad but it's not something that someone should kill themselves over. The caller said that they're not doing anymore prank calls at that station. He said Sal and Richard can't come down there for work now. Howard said no one wants them anyway.
Howard thanked the caller for giving them the information. Howard wondered how they even know that this woman killed herself over the call. Howard said maybe it was something else that pushed her over the edge. Howard read more details about the DJs and how they took down their Twitter accounts. Howard asked if they can even do that. Howard said some people were applauding the prank and others were outraged. Howard read some of the posts people were making on Facebook and Twitter. Howard said a lot of people on Facebook and Twitter are assholes.
Robin said a lot of people are bullied and don't commit suicide. Howard said he should have killed himself many times. He said he was bullied all the time when he was growing up.
Robin said that the cover of The Enquirer had celebrities without make up on. Robin said those are the people who should be upset. Howard said that they showed Goldie Hawn's cellulite. Howard said that she's the one who should be in the news for killing herself.
Howard said that the guy who sings that ''Gangnam Style'' song got into some trouble. Howard said he wrote a song about invading Iraq and how they should kill all of the Yankees invading the country. Howard said Psy never thought he'd make it that big but now he's in trouble for blasting America. Howard said he's saying he's sorry now. Howard said Psy was just signed by Justin Bieber's manager but it's going to turn out to be a disaster.
Howard played the top 5 songs of the year and it included bands like Maroon 5, Ke$ha, Bruno Mars and Rihanna. Howard said that he has to be honest because he loves that Rihanna song. Howard said he was humming it all weekend. Howard said he was embarrassed to tell Beth that he likes it. Robin said that these songs are terrible and it takes someone like Rihanna to make them sound halfway decent.
Howard said he had the top 10 songs from their show. Howard said coming in at number 10 is ''Real Niggas'' with the guy who sang about how real niggas don't care about the period. Howard said number 5, since he was skipping over a few, was ''Pussy Good, Pussy Sweet.'' Howard said he thinks that she's an Australian DJ now. Howard said he can't believe these stations that cave in on their talent when something like that goes down. Howard said they hired them to do things like that. Howard said they just fire them like any radio management.
Howard said that number 4 was Killa Karisma's ''Jackin Off To You.'' Howard played a little bit of that one. Howard said he saw the whole video of this kid and it was really good. Howard said coming in at number 3 is ''Smell Your Dick.'' He played some of that song. Howard asked if Robin likes smelling dick. Robin said ''Oh my gawd'' and Howard called her out on that. He told her not to say that anymore. Howard said he thinks that this chick is checking for cheating. Howard said he thought she just wanted to smell dick because she's into dick. He said he's going to commit suicide because he feels so foolish.
Howard said he won't forget the first time his mother asked to smell his father's dick when he came home late. Howard did his impressions of his parents and created that scene. Howard said it was very traumatic. Robin said she would just leave if someone wanted to smell her dick.
Howard said he's not sure what number they're up to. Robin said that was number 2. Howard said that's actually 3. Howard said he's making this up as they go along. Howard said number 2 was ''Let Your Tongue Roll Over My Bunghole.'' Howard played a little bit of that one. He said that number 1 was Medicated Pete singing about taking his baby down to the shore. Howard said that was number 1. Robin said he and the Jacking Off To You guy have a similar way of singing. Howard played some of Ed Torian singing ''Can a Nigga Get a Table Dance'' and said that was number 1 last year.
Howard said on the phone he has Psy to apologize for the song about killing the Yankees. Howard picked up and had Fred the Elephant Boy on the line pretending to be Psy. Psy said that he wanted to apologize to his American friends over the comments he made in 2004. He said it was stupid and wrong. He said he would never do anything like that again. He asked him not to make a mockery of this again. Howard said he hasn't heard a better apology since the Jackie Martling apology.
Howard said he didn't sound very sincere. He said it sounds like he's reading it off a piece of paper. Psy said that he was actually apologizing to the NY Yankees and not the country.
Howard said this guy never knew that his career would take off like it did. Howard said the song he was singing about the American's was actually a cover of someone else's song. Howard said it shows how unimportant the lyrics are in a song. Howard was playing some of his ''Gangnam Style'' while he was talking about him.
Howard said you know that he's going to blame his failed career on that song about American's. Howard played more of Rihanna's ''Diamonds'' song and then said he had to take a break. Howard said Howie Mandel is coming in to tell them if he's going to be on America's Got Talent next season. Howard said rap star The Game will be in today too. Robin wondered how they get these names as rappers. Howard said he gave Psy his name. Howard said he thought of a Jewish name for a Korean guy. They went to break after that.
Howard said that Howie Mandel is there. Howard had him come in and said that he is in shape. Howard said he loves Howie and asked what's going on with America's Got talent. Howard said he had a hard time deciding. Howard said it took him like an hour and a half to get to work. Howie said he and Sharon would fly in and then they'd have to drive in to do the show. He said Howard would walk in exhausted complaining about the traffic. Howard said he realizes how insensitive it was. Howie said that Howard would come in and meditate. He said that was after he and Sharon spent 8 hours traveling.
Howard said Howie is there to promote his new game show. He's going to the Today Show and then to see Kelly Ripa and then Kathie Lee. Then he's going to do The Voice to promote his show. Howard asked if he's going to sit in the audience. Howie said that's what he will be doing. He said that he's going to be a living commercial during the show. Howard said he's doing his show ''Take it All'' after that. Howie said he tends to tweet live during the show even though it's taped.
Howard said Steve-O was complaining about his tweeting during AGT. Howie said he heard that. He said Steve is doing well with his game show ''Killer Karaoke.''
Howard said he heard that Howie didn't like traveling for AGT. Howard asked if that's true. Howie said that's just a rumor. He said he has his partner there who brought him into Deal or No Deal. He said when he developed this new show he did it with the same team. He said this show is like a secret Santa kind of thing. He said that it's called Yankee Swap or White Elephant too. Howie said he thought about why it hasn't been done on TV yet. He said that people can steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from other people. Howie told Howard how you take a prize and there are 5 contestants who can say they want your prize. Howie said that whoever has the least valuable prize leaves and goes home without a prize. Howard asked how they end up with the better gift. Howie said there are 5 contestants and 5 prizes. Howard said this sounds confusing to him.
Howie said this is even easier than Deal or No Deal. Howard said he doesn't understand how you steal from someone else. Howie said you can say you want a gift or you can take someone else's gift. He said you can lock in a gift once per round. Howie said that they reveal the value of the prizes at the end. Howard said he still doesn't understand how you steal someone's prize. Howie said you just take it. Howard said he's fucking confused. Robin said she's following this. Howard said she's lying.
Robin told Howard that if Howard comes out he has to choose a prize. Howard picks one and he gets a Mercedes. Then the next contestant comes out and they have to pick from the prizes or steal something. Robin said that person can take the Mercedes and Howard has to go back to the gift pile. Howie said that by the end there are two people who end up with a huge pile of prizes. He said they have the prisoner's dilemma. He said they have their hands on a prize and they have to tell the other person why they need that prize. He said they can click in and say ''keep mine'' then they keep what they've accumulated. He said people lie and they end up with nothing if they do things the wrong way. Howie said you won't believe what you see.
Howard asked Howie if they have any hot models on the show. Howie said there are a lot of hot people in the audience. He said they do have the good looking people in the audience up near the front. He said it's one hour long and it's on for a week. He said it runs tonight through next Monday. He said that NBC is very excited about the show. Howard asked if he's going to become suicidal if the show doesn't do well. Howie said he will up his antidepressant. He said that he's not supposed to say what he's taking. He said he won't say how many milligrams he's on. He said that people will think that it will work for them too. Howie said he is very depressed. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. Howard said he's such an entertaining guy. Howard said he has to just relax. Howie said he tried meditation but he can't do that. He said it gets noisier in his head. He said he didn't get into the meditation thing like Howard did. Howard said he should have gone to TM like he does. Howie said he will but he hasn't had a moment.
Howard asked if he's really taking that many antidepressants. Howie said he's doing fine. Howard asked if he would be suicidal. Howie said he doesn't know about that. He said his psychiatrist put him on the stuff. Robin asked if he sits on the couch and talks. Howie said he does. Howard asked if his marriage is what's upsetting him. Howie said he's been married for 35 years and she's his savoir. Howard said he's seen guys do a dance when they get divorced. Howard asked if he started when he lost his hair. Fred threw in some piano music.
Howard asked Howie about the guys at NBC who he's worked with and Howie said that Paul Telegdy was the one who gave him the job with this game show. Howie said they played the game with Paul. Howard said it seems to him that he's cursed in a way. Howard said even with his TV Show ''Mobbed'' never had a good time slot. Howie said it's coming back. Howard said even with this show they're not giving him a regular time slot. Howie said they're doing 5 more ''Mobbed'' shows next year. He said it's coming back in January.
Howard asked Howie if they have given him a rating number for how well the show should do to get picked up. Howie said he would like to maintain at least 60 percent of what The Voice does. He said he's not sure what a smash hit would be considered.
Howard asked Howie what's going on with America's Got Talent. Howard said he had a problem deciding. He said he has to do morning radio and then do the show. Howie said he doesn't know how Howard does it. Howard said Howie would ask if he could believe that was even work. Howard said Sharon is gone and she was great in that role. Howard said he feels they were a great team. Howard said he feels that Howie is leaving too. Howard said he doesn't know what he's doing. Howie said he has no problem. He said the truth is that he doesn't know. Howie said that's the truth. Howie said they haven't asked yet.
Howie said that they went after Howard last year. He said that he signed a two year deal. Howard said he signed a one year deal. Howard said he's not even sure what he said. Howie said he signed a one year deal and he could come back a second year if he wanted to. Howie said that's not the way the show works. He said it might not work that way next year. Howie said that the rest of the guys don't know around this time. Howie said he knows Howard made his decision. He said there are a lot of changes going on with the show. He said the executive producers have changed. Howie said that he would love to do the show. He would love to work with Howard. He said if they ask then he will be there. Howard said they're waiting to find out then. Howie said that they know it's going to be in New York again and he would love to come back and do it with Howard. Howard said this new game show is something he has ownership in. Howie said there is nothing precluding him from doing both. Howard said NBC must really love him to give him this game show. Howie said they love him at NBC and he loves NBC. He said he's been working there since St. Elsewhere.
Robin asked Howie if he would be surprised if they didn't hire him again. Howie said nothing surprises him. He said that he's seen a lot. Howard said that he hopes if they do replace him it's with some hot guy. Howard said he really does want Howie to come back.
Howie said this is business as usual as far as he's concerned. He said no one is an automatic yes. He said that even Piers Morgan wasn't automatic. Howie said that he doesn't know until January or February if he'll be there. He said they start in March so he'll know in January or February. Howie said that if Howard wants to do a third year he won't know until January or February of 2014. Howie said that Nick is back and they have him because he's taping stuff already.
Howard said if they don't hire him back then he's going to write an angry tweet about it. Howie said that he will know in January or February. Howie said that he will see some of the people from NBC tonight at The Voice.
Howard asked Howie if he owns a piece of this game show. Howie said he does. He said the format of the show is something he owns. Howie said that Simon Cowell's biggest fortune might be coming from the ''Got Talent'' series of shows. He said he created that and he owns it. Howard asked if he should create a game show himself. Howie said that his listeners have to watch him tonight to keep him from killing himself.
Howard said he noticed toward the end of AGT that Howie seemed angry with him. Howard said he wasn't the only one who noticed. Howard said Howie kind of shuts down toward the end of the show. Howard said he gets closed off and he will turn his back on people when they're talking to him. Howard said he's not the only one he did that to. Howie asked if he really did that to him. Howard said he did it to him and other people. Howard said there's something that happens with him. He said he's not Mr. Happy Go Lucky all the time. Howie said he doesn't get angry at anyone. He said he is pensive at times. Howard said he thinks he can see his problem. Howard said he saw it happen at AGT. Howard said he saw it back stage.
Howie said sometimes in quiet time he can get that way. He said that he has to work to keep his mind off of things. He said he fights depression and anxiety all the time.
Howard asked Howie about the depression and if he has suicidal thoughts. Howie said no but he does find it hard to function. He said he will turn his back on people and things like that. He said he was kidding. He said he doesn't think he turned his back on anyone. Howard said there was one person who he turned his back on. Howard said it was just one person. Robin asked if it was Ronnie. Howard said it wasn't him. Howard said he won't tell him who it was.
Howard said he wasn't the only one picking up on this. Howie said he's making him worse. Howard said he's just making it up. Howie asked why he would do that. Howard said he wants to know what's going on inside him. Howie said his OCD will flare up and he can't get past things. Howard asked why he thinks he's such a mess. Howie said he thinks he has a chemical imbalance. Howard asked if he thinks it was the way he was raised. Howie didn't think that was it. Howard asked if his mother was too involved with him. He asked if she was always on top of him. Howie said he was always on top.
Howard asked Howie what he thinks it was. Howie said he had strep throat and they say that a lot of people who have strep have OCD issues. Howard said he had strep too. Robin said she had it too and she doesn't have OCD issues.
Howard said Howie is hosting ''Take It All'' tonight and all week. Howie said that he had his biggest success with Deal or No Deal. He said he did 500 episodes. Howard asked why it's not on. Howie said they ran their course. He said he was offered just about every other game show but he didn't have any interest. Howie said that nothing has been a big hit since then. He said he isn't interested in asking people to do stunts or trivia questions. Howard asked if he's interested in ''Killer Karaoke.'' Howie said no but he said it does look funny.
Howie said that this is the first show that has what he was looking for. He said that he sells shows that he's not in but he wanted to be in this one. Howard asked Howie what he's worth. Howie said he's not sure. Howard asked how many homes he owns. Howie said he owns a few. Howard asked if it's 3 or 5. Howie said it might be more than 5. Howard asked if he lives in all of them. Howie said he has homes in California and Toronto. He said he has people living in them. Howard said he must mean he has family in them. Howard asked if he keeps them for investments. Howie said he does that. Howie said he has homes at the beach and in L.A. and things like that. He said he owns a home in the town where his daughter goes to college. He said he rents out the rooms and he'll keep that to sell later on. Howard said that's a great idea. Howard asked if he's afraid that they're going to fuck up the homes. Howie asked what they could possibly do.
Howard asked about his son renting out his house to do a video. Howie said he got a call from someone asking to rent out the home and he asked how they found out about it. Howie said they saw it online because his son had used the house to film a Skee-Lo video. He said that's his house in his ''Burning Up'' video. He said that his son and daughter are both in the video. He said that his son made like $20,000 off of that. Howard asked if he's proud of that. Howie said he's not but his son makes him laugh. He said he's always scheming. He said it's not really that funny... but it is.
Howard asked if he let his son keep the money. Howie said he did. He said he's not allowed to rent it out anymore. The Howard TV guys showed the video on the monitors in the studio. Howie said that's his house. Howard said his son is @AlexMandel if you want to follow him on Twitter. Howie got in a plug for his own Twitter which is @HowieMandel.
Howard asked Howie what he thinks about what Steve-O said about him tweeting during AGT. Howie said he's a judge and he wants to know how it sounds on TV. He said that's his way of keeping up with all of that. Howie said he judges on his own but he also wants to know how it's coming across to America.
Howard said he thought that Howie would promote his show on Piers Morgan's show. Howard asked if he didn't like him. Howard said he can tell that Piers didn't like him. Howie said he was being annoying to him on TV and he thought that his disdain for him was uncalled for. Howard said that it wasn't fair of Piers saying that Howie's opinion didn't count. Howie said that they did butt heads a lot on the show. He said he has a huge respect for the guy.
Howie said that as well as he does he always thinks about the negative. He said if tonight there are 20 million people who watch his show he's just going to think about the other 280 million people in the country who didn't watch.
Howie said that Howard isn't tweeting that much anymore. Howard said he can't take the negativity. Howie said that he knows that and he compares that to doing comedy and how he will have just one person in the audience who isn't laughing and that's the one person he'll see. He said he once had a guy in the audience who wasn't paying attention to him and he called the guy out. He said that he pointed it out and it turns out the guy was blind. He said the woman next to him told him that when he went off on him. Howie said that he just asked why the fuck he needed front row tickets if he was blind.
Howard asked Howie about the phony phone call where the nurse ended up killing herself. Howie said that this woman had to have other things going on in her head to kill herself. He said it wasn't just this phone call. Howard said he had a guy on the line telling them that it was their first week on the air. Howard said he has gotten in trouble for things he's done on the show. Howie asked if he's ever pushed anyone that far. Howard said this show is responsible for 485 suicides in just one week. He said he slept like a baby though.
Robin said she has something to take up with Howie. Robin said that Howard and Howie came to blows at times. She said they were just verbal. Howie said no one blew anyone else. Robin asked how Howie put through people like Big Barry. Howie said that he has explained that before. Robin said that guy had no chance at a career. Howie said Larry Bud Melman had a career. Robin said he had nothing after Letterman stopped talking to him.
Howard said he was walking out of a restaurant the other day and this waiter handed him a wooden coin with a Big Barry head on it. Howard said Robin says he's not a big star but he is. Howard said he's doing very well.
Howie said this is almost a year later and Robin remembers his name. Howie said that's marketability. Robin said once you get him you don't know what to expect. Howard said he wanted Tom Cotter to win.
Howie said that you can't make a viral video. He said videos just go viral. Howie asked how many people you remember from American Idol. Howard said he knows of 5. He rattled off a few names but then said he doesn't care. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing this new game show. He said he has to watch it to try and understand how the game works. He said his explanation didn't make sense to him.
Howard asked Howie who he thinks should replace Sharon. Howie said he thinks she's irreplaceable. Howie said there is a rumor that they will have 4 judges. Howard said that would be a mistake. Howard said they didn't give him enough time last season when they had 3 judges.
Howard asked who he thinks they need on that show to replace Sharon. Howie said you don't replace them. He said you go for a different dynamic. Howard asked who he would like to see. Howie said anyone young and hot. Howard asked if they should go for a Lindsay Lohan type. Howie didn't think so. Howard asked who he would like to see in that chair. Howie said he has thoughts but he doesn't know. Howard told him not to shut down. Howie said he just doesn't know. Howard told him to give him 3 names. Howie said he would like to see Sarah Silverman. Howard asked for another name. Howie said he thinks Sarah is incredibly smart. Howard asked if he'd feel competitive with her. Howie said he doesn't feel he competes on that show. He said he does compete with this show he's doing tonight. He said he's competing with all of the other shows that are on that night.
Howard said he thinks that Sarah would be good. Howard asked about Rosie O'Donnell. Howie said ''really?'' He mentioned jenny McCarthy. Robin said no. Howie said he likes the Cher idea. Howard said it's funny that there are no black recommendations. Howie mentioned Robin. Howard said maybe the retarded Kardashian or Gary Busey.
Howie said he loves Gary Busey. He said he did a movie with him once. Howard said that guy is out of his mind. Howie said the whole thing was horrible. He said he didn't know why he brought it up. He told Howard that he should follow Busey on Twitter. Howard asked if he rambles a lot of crazy stuff. Howie said that the people you think are the craziest have the best stuff on Twitter.
Robin read about what's on TV tonight that Howie will be up against. He said that he's against a new 2 Broke Girls. Robin said on FOX is The American Country Awards. Howard said he should be able to beat that. Robin said on ABC they have Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Howard said that should be beatable too. Howie said the show is on every night at 9 on NBC. Howard wished him luck and said he'll be watching it.
Howard wrapped up and gave Howie some more plugs. Howard said it's 8 and he's been there for an hour. Howie said it seems like 3. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and mentioned the Extreme Superfan Contest they have coming up and how you can enter. He said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said rap star The Game is going to be there. Howard said he was told that he's changed his name to just ''Game.'' Howard said he has had a very rich life. Howard said he considers his life a nightmare. Howard said most people would break if they had his life. Robin said most people do break from the stuff he's been through.
Howard said it was good to see Howie. He said he hasn't seen him since the show. Howard said it's kind of weird they haven't spoken since then. Howard said he considers the guy a friend though. Howard said he's not the type to call someone. Howard said he's known Fred for 30 years and he can count on one hand how many times he's called him. Howard said he is a good friend though.
Howard said The Game has a new album coming out and that's called ''Jesus Piece.'' Howard said the guy is worth about $25 million. Robin asked how that's possible. Howard said it's from the business.
Howard asked The Game if he's ''The Game'' or just ''Game.'' He didn't get a chance to answer. He said he had never seen that kind of headset setup before.
Howard said he read about The Game's life and said that it seems like there were no rules. Game said he grew up in Compton. He said when you grow up in it you can't understand what's going on. He said once he moved out of Compton he got what was going on. He said he didn't see it until he was on his way to a release party. He said ran into a shoot out on his way to a party. He said that was just routine before that.
Howard said The Game grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly Crips. Game said that there were gangs all over in that area. He said you just walk a few blocks and you run across a different gang.
Howard said he grew up around the Crips but he became a Blood. Game said his grandparents were in a Blood area. He said his parents were Crips. Game said he and his brother both became Bloods. Howard said two of his brothers were murdered. Game said that one was in 1999 and one was in 1995. He said one brother was shot in the stomach and the other one was murdered fighting with a drug dealer.
Howard said his parents had 15 kids. Robin asked how that's possible. Game said that he ended up growing up in a foster home. Game said he was about 7 or 8 when he went to the foster home. He said that his mother was like 26 and he figured she hated them. He said that his dad was a drug dealer. He said even though the situation was messed up you still don't want to be taken out of that situation. He said that he ended up in this foster home that had multi-racial kids and the other kids in school would make fun of him over that. He said that the whole school was probably on welfare so they didn't get made fun of over that.
Howard asked when he lost his virginity. Game said he lost it pretty late. He said he didn't lose it until he was almost 18. He said that he used to tell the other kids that he was fucking before that. He said trying to have sex was tough because he didn't know what to do. He said he wasn't sure about the procedure. He said that he had to figure it out and he figured it out when he was almost 18. He said this girl he was with helped him figure it all out.
Howard said he figured he'd be angry with women because his mother abandoned him. Game said that she didn't abandon him. He said that she showed up to court for 6 or 7 years trying to get them back. He said she did try. Howard said it must have been heartbreaking to him. Game said that one day they were able to go back to her but he was already 16 and in a gang. He said he had been away from her longer than he had been alive. He said they didn't hit it off very well. He said he did everything disrespectful to her that he could.
Howard said The Game used to see his parents going out and getting ready to kill people on a drive by. Game said that's what everyone's parents did in that neighborhood. Howard said people wonder why they don't get their shit together but in that neighborhood it's a regular way of life.
The Game told Howard about how he would dress in neutral colors when he was going to school but then he's slip on his Jordan shirt that was in red.
Howard asked The Game about the rest of the family and how they're getting along. Game said that he has one sister who ran off to Vegas and became a prostitute. He said that she was younger than him but he saw her not too long ago and she looks older than he does. He said that brought him back to growing up. He said his younger brother is there with him today. He said he does get along with him.
Howard said The Game is worth millions so his family has to be hitting him up for money. The game said that in the beginning it was crazy. He said they were hitting him up for money a lot. He said no they know that he'll just tell them to fuck off. He said his dad is still alive and the last time he talked to him he was homeless. He said he offered him a few nights in the Bentley if he wanted it. He said one of his older brothers helped him out instead.
Howard asked The game if it's hard for him to conform to rules after growing up the way he did. Howard said he had no guidance. The Game said you have to figure it out on your own. He said he went to jail a few times in his life. He said it was because of drugs and gang activity. Howard asked if he ever used drugs. The Game said he didn't. He said his father used and he saw how fucked up that was.
Robin asked when he started rapping. The Game said he got shot in 2001 and he never rapped before that. He said they had a rule about not selling after midnight. He said that they took over an area and ran some people out. He said he thinks they came back and took it back from them.
Howard asked if he's still in the gang since it's so hard to get out. The Game said that you have to play dead for a few years to get out. He said he had some brothers who were Crips and that was really weird. He said they still don't talk to this day.
Robin asked how getting shot got him into rap. The Game said that the rule was to stop selling at midnight. He said he was home alone that night and that way you get all of the sales. He said he was cleaning up and he heard a knock on the door after midnight. He said it was a nerdy guy who always came. He said that four guys followed him in and they shot him twice in the chest and in the arm. He said he ran down the hall and he felt his ankle blow out. He said they kept shooting and he just laid there. He said they left and then he crawled to the bathroom and pulled his wife beater back and blood shot on the mirror. He said he passed out and woke up 4 days later in the hospital. He said he has no idea who saved him.
Howard asked if it hurt to get shot. The Game said that it doesn't hurt. He said the people you hear yelling are yelling because they don't want to die. He said that you don't feel the pain. Howard asked how many bullets he took. The Game said it was 5. He said it's a miracle he survived.
Howard asked if getting shot is worse than prison. The Game said that prison is worse. He said he'd rather get shot. The Game said that going to prison as a celebrity is magnified by 10. He said going as a regular person is okay but going as a celebrity is really bad. Robin asked what he did to go to prison as a star. The Game said he had a few altercations.
Howard said he was reading about how he left the Letterman show and got into a cab and told the driver tog go through the red lights because he was a police officer. The Game said he never told the guy he was a police officer. He said his security guy was off duty and he told the driver he was a police officer. He said the guy started lying and told the cops that they did what they did for him. He said he went to jail that night but got bailed out the next morning. He said the case was thrown out.
Howard asked what happened with the police that has made him so upset with them. The Game said that he's not about the race thing but growing up and seeing the police brutality in the 80s made him have these feelings. He said they're still not fair to this day. Howard said he must be cautious to this day. The Game said that he just says ''fuck the police'' and he's said that for a long time.
Howard asked about why he was locked up as a celebrity in prison. The Game said he got into a fight with a guy who said he was going to kill him. He said he beat the guy up. He said the guy picked a fight with him and ran to his car claiming he was going to kill him. He said he left and then the guy called the police and said he was going to kill him. He said the police raided his house 3 or 4 months laster and took all of his guns and put him in prison for 6 months. Howard asked what happened in there. The Game said that the guards were the worst. He said they would bump you and give you extra crap times 100 compared to the other guys. He said it's really fucked up.
Howard asked about what it was like when he was in there as a regular person. The Game said that it was cool to go to prison as a kid. He said that it gave you street cred.
Howard asked The Game if he thinks that the world kind of owes him something after all of this. Howard asked if he feels he has the right to fuck women and get what he's owed. The Game said he does feel that way. He said he has been through some shit and it's his turn. He said he is married and he's locked into that. Howard asked if he finds it hard to believe that he can be in a relationship like that after all he's been through. The Game said it is. He said he always said that he would do it right if he ever had kids though. He said he tires not to make mistakes. Howard asked how he knows when he's doing the right thing. The Game said you know when it's fucked up so it just happens. He said he tells his kids he loves them more than anyone else.
Robin asked about how he ended up getting into rapping. The Game said he got shot and he couldn't move for like 4 or 5 months. He said he was listening to a lot of hip hop music in bed and it just became him. He said he was listening to everything and then he started stealing lyrics. He said he was just replacing other rap names with his own. He said he eventually started doing his own thing. Howard asked about the rap battles and if you can actually beat some of these guys up. The Game said that he was pretty good once he got into the competitions.
Howard asked how big he is because he looks like a big guy. The Game said he's 6'5'' tall. He said he has lost some fights though. He said he got hit in the head with a bat once. Howard asked if that's why he has the tattoos on his face. He said that's not the reason. He said he just likes the tattoo on his face. Howard said that makes you more identifiable to the police. The Game said ''Well, fuck the police...''
Howard asked how he met 50 Cent. The Game said he signed with Dr. Dre early on around the time that 50 Cent was signing. He said that he was out rapping and someone heard about him and told Dre about him. He said that this guy came out looking for him and he and his friends pulled guns on him. He said the guy came back a month later and said that Dre told him that if he didn't come back with Game then he was supposed to just die there. Game said that he took him to see Dr. Dre and went to see the studio.
Howard asked what happened there with 50 Cent. The Game said that he thinks that he wanted to keep people under him and people were paying attention to him and not 50 so he went on some rants. He said they had a little bit of a fallout. He said that he didn't want to hear him fucking with him on the air. He said it came down to guns shots outside of Hot 97 there in New York. Howard said he remembers that now. Howard said he heard 50 talking about him and he showed up there with a gun. Howard asked what he said that pissed him off. Game said that he was saying that he wasn't loyal and he was getting kicked out of the group. He said that was bullshit. He said he felt that he was trying to kill his career and he didn't like that.
Howard asked what he said to 50 when he went to see him. The Game said that they broke the door off the building and there were like 60 guys with him. He said that they all pulled out guns and there was a shoot out. He said that one of his friends got shot in the leg. He said everyone missed other than that. He said he didn't go to jail for that either. He said he just flew home on JetBlue. Howard asked if 50 Cent is in a gang. The Game said he's not.
Howard asked if he's feeling any pressure with this new album out. The Game said this is his 5th one so he's not nervous. He said that he knows it'll do well.
Gary came in and asked if Michael Jackson called him once. The Game said he did. He was trying to squash the beef between him and 50. He said that once Michael asked him to be on his album he hung up on him. He said he got a call from a guy who had an African accent. He said that the guy asked him to wait on hold for 15 minutes. He said it seemed like days waiting for him. He said he got on the phone and Michael told him that he liked his music and asked him to reconcile with 50 by doing something on his album. He said he felt there was some bullshit there so he hung up on him.
Howard asked The Game if he saw 50 today if a fight would go down. Game said maybe it would, who knows. Howard asked if he's ever looked over his shoulder with all of the stuff that went down. The Game said he never has. He said everyone has to die and he doesn't think about that stuff. The Game said all he wants is his kids to be taken care of. He said he'd like to be around as long as he can but if something happens then it happens.
Howard asked The Game if he would call the police if he had a home invasion or something. The Game said he would take care of things himself. He said he'd kill anyone that came into the house and take responsibility for whatever the outcome is.
Howard asked The Game about some of the other rappers who he's had a beef with. Howard said he had this guy DJ Whoo Kid on his show. The Game said that he just talked to him recently after not talking for 7 years.
Howard asked if he ever dated Tila Tequila. The Game said he never did. He said that she's too skinny for him.
Howard asked The Game about his new album ''Jesus Piece'' and asked about some of the songs on the album. Howard asked about some of his friends in the business and asked what he thinks about Chris Brown. The Game said it was just one of those Hollywood mishaps and he thinks Chris has changed. He said he doesn't think it'll happen again. Howard said he thinks that she's crazy to go back with him. Howard asked if Chris was dating his sister and he hit her, would he be alive today. The Game said he didn't want to go there. Howard said he's taking that as meaning he'd be dead.
Howard played some of The Game's new album. He played his song ''Celebration.'' Howard said that Gary's son Lucas is into The Game and he wanted to cut school and come in to meet him. The Game said ''Fuck Gary.'' Gary said he told his son that he didn't know if he wanted kids hanging around him. Gary said his son didn't talk to him the whole day yesterday. Gary said he wanted to send him a note or call him in the green room. He said no to him and the kid was upset. Howard asked if Lucas is going to buy the album. Gary said he already has it. He said the record company sent them a couple of copies.
Howard said that The Game says that his album is going to be big. Robin asked if he smokes pot. He said he does. Howard asked if he's ever done coke. He said he hasn't. He said he has only dealt it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked how The Game can be so against the cops when he's doing so many things wrong. All The Game would say is ''Fuck the cops.'' The Game said that's simply his opinion. He said if you love the police then that's fine. He said that's just his opinion.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about the gathering of The Juggalos and why he didn't show up at the gathering. The Game said that what happened is that he didn't get all of his money so he didn't get on the plane to fly out there. He said that he never got the front half he wanted so he didn't fly out.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he just previewed the album on iTunes and it sounds crazy. The Game also told Howard about all of the stuff that 50 Cent has failed at and how he thinks that he helped in that by calling him a pussy. Howard asked if he should have fought him just to fight him. The Game said all he had to do was say he was sorry and he would have been fine.
King said that The Game's wife is smoking hot. Howard asked if she's a model. The Game said that she is in her own world. Howard asked if he's married. The Game said that he's not yet but that's coming. Howard said he has to get a picture of her. The Game said he can go a half hour with her. Howard said he has no control like that. He said he can't even last minutes. The Game told him you have to just slow down and you can reset yourself. He said you can do that and go for hours. Howard said if he looks at his wife at all then he cums. The Game said you have to just slow down.
Howard asked The game if he eats out his wife. He said he does. Howard asked King if he does that too. King said he loves that shit. Howard asked The Game if he called 50 Cent gay because he really thinks he's gay. The Game said that he used to see a lot of guys in the house and not many chicks.
Howard asked if he could get him to make up with 50 Cent. The game said he thinks he could make that happen. He said he just has to call DJ Whoo Kid who will call Curtis and see if he can make that happen.
Howard asked The Game about his sex life and what the freakiest thing was. He said he had a couple of women at once but one of them left in the middle of it after getting jealous. Howard said he could talk all day about this shit. Howard said that The Game has to get back out and sell some albums. Howard said he must be doing something right if he's worth $18 million. The Game said that he's declining but he's doing okay. Howard asked if he was sued for $5 million. The Game said that he was and it was the police. He said they won in judgment but he isn't sure what he did to take care of that.
Howard asked how he came up with his name. The Game said his grandmother gave him that when he was about 7. He said he actually got a scholarship and screwed that up when he sold pot on campus in the first semester. He said that changed his life for the better though.
Howard asked if he smokes a lot of pot. The Game said he smokes about a much as Snoop does. He said that his driver had a problem with it today. He said that he smoked up in the car and the guy told them to put it out. He said he just said ''Fuck you, Lee.''
Howard asked if The Game listened to him as he was growing up. He said he did. He said he will back Howard in whatever he does. He said he won't let anyone give Howard shit. Howard told him to say hello to Snoop for him. He told him to come back and see them again. The Game said he will. He also said that Gary should have let his son come in today. He said he fucked up. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said Stephen Baldwin was arrested and charged with failing to pay NY state taxes. Howard said they claim that he didn't pay taxes in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Howard said he didn't know he even had income in those years. Howard said he thought he was just doing those religious things.
Howard said he has to apologize to Steve Brandano for not checking with him on booking The Game for the show. Howard said he's looking forward to the Christmas party this year. Howard said he pretends to get to know the people he works with at the party. Howard said he has to sit there and pretend that he knows them.
Howard said he has to apologize for calling The Rambles ''The Brambles.'' Howard said he's sorry he didn't know that. Howard said he misses George Takei being on the show. He said they haven't said the word penis once today.
Howard said he saw the most amazing video on the internet. Howard said it was a dog in New Zealand that was driving. Howard said this is for real. He said they take dogs that are difficult to adopt and they teach them how to drive. Howard said this is the real deal. Howard TV was showing the video on the screen and Robin said that's not real. Howard said it is real. He said they had a whole show about it. Howard said he can't wait to replace Ronnie with a Doberman Pincer. Howard said it shows that his job isn't that tough. He could be replaced by a dog.
Howard said that the Pope has a new Twitter account but he hasn't tweeted yet. Howard wondered what he's going to tweet. He said maybe it'll be ''Fuck the Jews'' or something like that.
Howard said the homeless guy who pushed the guy on the track says he heard voices in the head. Howard said the voices in your head are always crazy voices and never voices that are telling you to do good things.
Howard read about Michael Richards getting a job on another TV show. Howard said the show is on BET and he thinks he just has black people throw shit at him. Robin said he just disappeared after that N-word incident.
Howard said Susan Boyle is looking for a boyfriend. He said that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are still touring after 50 years. Howard said they stay together like an old married couple.
Howard said the worlds oldest woman and world's tallest woman died last week. Howard said the oldest was 115 years old. Robin said she thinks that she was 116. Howard said the world's fattest woman is shitting her pants now.
Howard said Pizza Hut in Canada has released a fragrance that smells like pizza. Howard said he heard Jason drank 3 bottles of it already.
Howard said he was reading about one of the guys in the movie ''Lincoln'' and how he could only refer to Daniel Day Lewis as ''Mr. President'' when they were on the set. Howard said that's apparently how great actors work. Howard said while he was doing his movie he was only letting people call him Howard Stern. He stayed in character.
Howard said there's a company making coffee out of elephant dung. Howard said it costs $500 a pound. Howard said Gary had a cup of it and it's such an improvement. He said now his breath only smells like elephant shit instead of every animal's shit.
Howard asked why they just released Notorious BIG's autopsy. Robin said she's not sure. She said that one of the bullets exited his scrotum so that might have been a big deal.
Howard read about how the world is supposed to end on December 21st. Howard said he's fine with that.
Robin started off with the story about Psy and his song that was against us going into Iraq. Robin said he was going to lose a gig in Washington DC but it looks like he'll be keeping that gig. Robin said we're very forgiving. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:50am, we heard Tim Sabean singing a Christmas song about shitting all over the bathroom walls. We also heard a clip of Gary the Retard singing Jingle Bells and more. Howard came back and did another live commercial read. He tried to get Robin back on but she wasn't there.
Howard asked where his Robin was at. He said he'll read some email while they're waiting. Howard read some feedback about George Takei. Howard said the guy really is great. Howard said he didn't see any negatives there about George.
Robin got back to her news and read about a serial killer in Alaska who ended up killing himself. Robin and Howard talked about the TV show Dexter and how that would be an interesting way to end the show to have Dexter kill himself. Howard said Dexter is so good that it ruins Batman. He said that he's such a better Batman than Batman. Howard said Dexter actually kills people. Howard said Batman looks dumb. Robin said he's the baddest guy around. Howard said the baddest guy around is Beetlejuice. Robin said he's bad as can. Howard asked where that song is. Fred wasn't there so Howard had to look it up himself. Howard wasn't able to find it. He said Fred has it in that stupid machine he has. Fred eventually came back and played the Beetlejuice song.
Robin read about Rihanna and Chris Brown getting back together officially. Robin said that she thinks the beat down will happen again even though The Game didn't think so. Robin said that she read that Rihanna was upset that Chris Brown was out with his ex-girlfriend. Robin said this is the same stuff she was doing when the last incident occurred. Howard said she's on the top of the world and it's remarkable to him that she's into this guy. Howard played some of her song and said he really likes that. Howard said he likes the Bruno Mars song too. He played some of that song as well.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan and how she has IRS problems and now she's been having trouble paying the rent on her home. Robin said that Charlie Sheen gave her $100,000 reportedly. Howard said he must have identified with her in a some way.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard that Sirius turned Fred down for One Direction tickets. Fred said that he was told that no Sirius employees were allowed to go. Gary said that they did turn Fred down. Fred said he saw a memo that went out saying that people would be fired if they went. Howard said Fred rarely asks for anything. He said that if there's a shitty One Direction show then let him go. Robin asked why they have to fear being fired. Fred said he doesn't want to say who the person who told him no was. Howard said those people will have their day. He said he has a good idea who that person is. Fred said that he did get tickets for his kid to go see the concert. He said that he didn't get to come up to the Town Hall thing with his daughter though. Howard said there are a lot of people there who are a lot less important to the company than Fred is. Howard said he'd bet that they had their kids there. Howard said he can guess who this person is. He said he thinks about the future and his next 15 moves. He said that they're motherfuckers and scumbags. Howard said they're animals there.
Gary said that Jason gave him a memo where they said that they only had room for one employee and a family member. Howard said he'd like to see them throw him out of there. He said the only person who should be writing memos around there is him.
Howard asked Fred about how the concert was. Fred said it was okay. He said that Carley Rae Jepson was there too. Howard said that he should have sent Richard to that concert.
Howard said people are saying that JD got laid at the Ronnie's Block party this weekend. JD came in and said he didn't get laid. He said it didn't happen. He said they were there until like 1 in the morning and it didn't happen. Howard said he's just checking up on the boy.
Ronnie came in and said that this girl came to the show in Pittsburgh and said she was in love with JD. He said they brought JD out and this girl was cute. He said she was cute until they got her on stage. He didn't want to say why that was. He said she looked better in clothes than she did with her top off. He said he didn't want to be nasty though. Ronnie said the girl wanted to hook up with JD. His voice kept cracking so Howard said he can't listen to that voice. Ronnie said he'll tell it quickly. Ronnie said JD thought he was going to hook up with her but then someone saw her coming out of the bathroom with someone else and she may have blown that guy in the bathroom.
Gary said that Ronnie's girlfriend called Back Office Radio and told some stories about Ronnie. Howard said he might have to listen to them first thing tomorrow morning. Ronnie told Howard that JD was in a bad mood at the show after they told him that news. Howard thanked him for the update.
Howard said he might have to listen to the clips from Back Office Radio. He played one where a caller asked if Ronnie's girlfriend had ever caught him masturbating. Stephanie told the guy that they have masturbated in front of each other. Howard said he was going to throw up after hearing that.
In another clip the caller asked if they do anal. Stephanie said that they do and it's a special treat when they do it. She said if you do it the right way it's good.
In another clip Jason asked Stephanie about Ronnie taking a finger up the butt. She said that it's an index finger. She said that she doesn't remember how he asks her to do it. Howard said she's a lucky girl.
Howard played a clip where Will asked Stephanie about farting in bed and if she does the Dutch Oven thing with him. She said that's true. Howard sounded grossed out.
Robin got back to her news and read about Katt Williams getting arrested on Friday night. Robin said that he was taken into custody on a reckless driving charge. Howard said he's been doing some crazy stuff. He said he read that he smacked a guy and a woman in the store he was in. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. Robin read some of the details about what he was doing. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how gay marriage is legal in Washington State so there were a bunch of marriages there this weekend. Howard said it hasn't affected anyone's life out there so they shouldn't worry about it. Howard said medical marijuana is legal there too. Robin read about some kids who brought in pot brownies to a school in Colorado. One of the professors at the school ate one and had to go to the hospital. Robin had some audio of some officials talking about the incident. Howard said he would hate if someone did that to him. He doesn't agree with messing with someone's food. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the company Hostess and how they won't go away. Robin said they have a new deadline for selling off the assets. Robin said they're trying to sell off portions of the company and there is no telling when bidding will come to a close. Howard said that they sell a lot of those Twinkies and it's not like people stopped liking them. Howard said it's a successful business if you know how to run a business.
Robin read about the fiscal cliff coming up quickly. Robin said that President Obama was talking to John Boehner over the weekend so that's a good thing. Howard asked what happens if they do over this cliff. Robin said that your taxes will go up and they will cut some jobs. Robin said that this is federal stuff so they'd have to make some automatic cuts. Howard asked if his parents will have to move back in with him. Robin said it shouldn't get that bad.
Robin read about Corey Booker living on food stamps for a week. Robin said he said it was rough. Robin said he said he had an apple for breakfast and then a sweet potato for lunch and he'd save up for a more substantial meal later in the day. Robin said he as eating a couple of bites and saving food for later. Howard said he didn't know it was that bad. He asked if he became a pimp and a drug dealer to make more money. Robin said she thinks he stayed Mayor. Robin said Booker was also asked if he would run against Chris Christie in the run for Governor. Howard said he wouldn't want to run against Christie. Howard said he's very popular.
Robin had some audio of Mayor Booker talking about a couple of things. Howard had a guy on the phone who just said ''Fuck him.'' That was Mark in Boston who asked if he's really snubbing Riley Martin on the Christmas Party again this year. Howard said that they don't invite the novelty show guys. Howard said that Jay Thomas was invited once and he brought his whole entourage. Howard read another live commercial after that. He said he just wants to go home.
Robin read a story about an overweight woman who had her table check at a restaurant listed as ''fat girls.'' Howard said that's not cool. He said you have to be kidding him. He said these people always sue over things like that. Robin said the waiter denied any involvement. Robin said the person who they suspected to be responsible was suspended. Howard said he had ''beautiful eyes'' written on his check. Howard said they had another code where they wrote ''why the fuck is that ugly fuck with that hot chick?''
Robin said that Ed Koch was taken to the hospital with the flu last week. Robin said he's turning 88 on Wednesday. Robin said he was the mayor of New York for three terms.
Robin read about Nelson Mandela being in the hospital as well. Howard said maybe they can call the hospitals and prank call them like those Australians did. Howard did some goofy voices to create what that call might sound like. He said that the nurses would be jumping out the window after they call. Robin read more about Nelson Mandela and what's going on with him. Howard asked who else they could call. Robin said they could call the president of Venezuela who is back in the hospital too. Howard pretended to make that call too.
Howard said he didn't even understand that Australian phony phone call. Robin said they were calling as Prince Charles and the Queen. Robin had some audio of a news report about them. Howard and Robin pretended to be the DJs making that awful phony phone call. Howard said he loves that this was their first week on the air. Robin had some audio of the DJ Michael talking about how devastated he is over the whole thing. Howard said he should have done that interview in his Prince Charles voice. Robin read more about the nurse who killed herself and how she was the one who took the call and passed it along to the other nurse who gave out the information.
Robin read about a Mexican singer who died in a plane crash. Robin said her name was Jenni Rivera. Robin said they believe that she has died. Howard said she was a fan of theirs. Howard said she said she wanted to be the female Howard Stern down in Mexico. Robin had some of her music to play. Howard said it reminds him of the music Robin brought back from Guatemala. Fred played some of that as well. Howard said he hates flying in planes. Robin said she was highly respected down in Mexico according to rapper Pitbull. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about how Gary had to turn down his son Lucas who wanted to come in and meet The Game today. Jon said at a certain point you have to say no to your kids. Gary said that there are two people that he'd let him come in for. He said they are Eminem or Jay-Z. He said that today is a school day and he has other things going on today. He said he had about 7 conversations with his son from Thursday to Sunday. He said he had to ask him to stop it already. He said that Lucas went to his mother and told her he was being a dick.
Jon asked Gary if he feels bad for turning him down. Gary said he doesn't at all. He said that he knows that Howard doesn't like him bothering the guests and he doesn't know The Game so he's not sure how he's going to react. Gary said it was funny when he gave a shout out to Lucas. He said that should make him freak out. Gary said that Lucas wanted to call him in the green room or say hello to him or something. He said he wasn't going to do that though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks he did the right thing by not bringing him in. He said Howard could have spent the next hour berating him. Gary said he never would have done it without Howard's permission. He said it has happened in the past though. He said they had Corey Feldman on the show and Scott asked him to call as one of the Ninja Turtles. They ended up asking Scott's son if he had ever seen his father naked.
Jon said The Game was a good guest. Gary said they had notes on him and it was some crazy stuff. He said that he talked about being shot and that's when he knew it was going to be good. Jon said that some of these guys have a respect for Howard that's insane. Gary said that there are a lot of guys who think that Howard is an outlaw so that's why the can relate to him and like him.
Jon said Robin brought up the point about how The Game still deals with things the way he did as a kid. He said he felt that he got upset with her at some point. Gary said he felt that too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary should be ashamed of himself for raising a wigger. Gary said he does listen to some of that stuff in the car and it can be hard to take. He said that his other son buzzed right by all of that stuff. Steve Brandano said he grew up like that and it was just something he went through. Gary said that he isn't one of those people who is against bad language but there is a lot of N-word being thrown around. He said he has turned him into some good music he wouldn't have listened to if his son wasn't into it. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to congratulate Gary on not letting his kid come in. He said that he's sick of white kids pretending to be black. He said you live in a rich area and you act like an asshole. He said he should also keep his kid from thinking Eminem is the best rapper out there. The guy also said he wanted to know if Howard will stop flying because that Jenni Rivera chick was on her way to do a show like The Voice. Gary said he's not going to talk about that. Jon asked Gary if he's concerned he's not raising his child right. Gary said he's not. He said that his son is going through a phase. He said he went through the punk phase when he was a kid. He said it's really not a big deal. He said his kid isn't taking on a crazy lifestyle or anything.
Jon asked Will what he thinks about this. Will said he grew up with all of that stuff and went through that phase. Gary said his nephew wanted the new Wu Tang Klan album and they had to go to a really bad neighborhood to find it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary is doing nothing wrong with Lucas. He said he thinks people blow this out of proportion. He said he hates the word Wigger too. He said he is a black guy and he likes rock music so he's not a white guy. He said that the rap stars are like the rock stars of today and it's really not a big deal.
Gary said there's nothing wrong with letting your kid listen to a certain type of music. He said that telling them not to listen just makes them want to listen more.
Jon said they also had Howie Mandel on and he wondered if Gary had heard that Howie hadn't been signed yet. Gary said he thinks that Howie is an important part of the show. Jon said he thinks he'll be back. Jon said Howard went in a different direction today with Howie talking about how he seems different toward the end of the show. Jon asked Gary if he's ever seen that. Gary said he hasn't. Ronnie said he hasn't either. Jon said Ronnie sounds awful. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie what's up with his voice. Ronnie said he's hoarse. He said he had three shows this weekend. He said he's fine talking. Jon asked if that affects his job there. Ronnie said he can communicate just fine.
Jon asked what he was trying to say about that girl and JD. Ronnie said that he said all he wants to say about that. Jon asked if JD is fun to hang with at the block party. Ronnie said he's fun to hang out with. He said he's nervous before the shows but he loosens up a bit eventually. He said JD will pace around a lot and he takes it very seriously.
Ronnie said he doesn't get nervous. He said he just goes out and has a good time. Gary asked if he plans anything. Ronnie said he works on some stuff. He said he writes poems and things like that.
Jon asked Ronnie about when he's commissioned to do a poem does he attack it in a different way. Ronnie said he had other things going on in his life so it took him a lot longer to write this one. He said this one covers just about everyone there in the back office. He said he would jot stuff down and fit it into the poem. He said he made a lot of notes about where that stuff had to go and the paper looks insane. He said it looks like something Charles Mansion wrote.
Jon asked about Ronnie's girlfriend calling into the Back Office Radio show. Ronnie said he knew she was calling. He said that it was Will and Jason so he knew it was coming. He said that he respects her because she was honest about just about everything. Gary asked if he wanted to talk about bringing someone else into bed with them. Ronnie said he'd rather not answer that at this time.
Ronnie said that he didn't hear Howard play the clips today. He said he had to do something for Howard TV. Ronnie said it's life so he's fine as long as she's being honest. Jon had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a major tirade in the studio this morning. He said someone reminded him that Fred wasn't allowed to bring his daughter to the One Direction Town Hall there. Howard said in business there are some people who are more important than others. Howard said Fred has been on the Howard Stern show for more than 30 years. Fred said he's not Howard Stern though. Howard told Fred to just listen. Howard said Fred never asks for anything around there. He said they had this dumb One Direction group up there and they took this band and had a Town Hall up there. Howard said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said Fred's daughter is 10 years old and she wanted to see the band. Fred said she didn't ask if she could come. He figured he'd take a shot at it. Howard said he's trying to talk about something. Howard told Fred to be quiet.
Howard said this show is pretty important to this company. He said they pay them very well there but he's the enemy around there. Howard said Fred was told that no one there was allowed to go to this event. Howard said if Mel Karmazin wanted to go to the event with his daughter then Scott Greenstein would have cow towed to him. Howard said he hates to inform Scott of that. Howard said it infuriates him that his guys are blown off for something like this. Howard said if it was some blow job they had to give to some B-list celebrity they would have done it. Howard said they're sucking dick on Bruce Springsteen and that gets them nowhere. Howard said they should be sucking Fred's dick. Howard said he's had it with this shit. He said it makes him want to jump out a window. He said ''God damn this place...''
Howard said Fred is more important to this place than any of the management that's there. Howard said that those guys are busy with Bruce Springsteen when Fred should be allowed to bring his daughter to the One Direction show. Howard said if Bruce Springsteen comes there tomorrow no one gives a shit. Howard said most subscribers care about Fred Norris. Howard said they have to get their priorities straight. Howard said he's not the enemy. He's their savior. Howard said he should be treated like Jesus and his disciples should be treated that way too.
Howard said if they want to hire Bruce Springsteen's son to work in the music department then go ahead. Howard said they should give Fred some respect too. Howard said they should get their management skills in shape. Howard said there are some books that he could recommend to them if they want. Howard said for a $23 million bonus they should read those books. Howard said they're so god damn important around there and he doesn't see anything great going on.
Howard said he's outraged. Howard said he doesn't need this nonsense. He said he should be on the beach in Miami like Russell Simmons with the 25 year old model. He said that's the life. Howard said that guy is walking around talking about peace and love. Howard said the caption in the NY Post is calling Simmons a fool. Howard said that's no fool. He said he's with a 26 year old model. Howard read the article about Simmons and the model is pretty hot but they're calling this guy a fool. Howard said that is no fool. Howard said we should all be old fools like that.
Howard said he's had it there. Howard said he sees such ridiculousness around there. Gary said he was sent a note about how they had to use the bathroom on the floor above so no one could look down on the One Direction thing. Howard said the people who work there can't be treated like that. He said they're destroying moral around there. Howard said the other employees should feel free to look at One Direction. Howard said they can suck his got damn dick. He asked what this is. Howard said there's this weird territorial thing about the celebrities around there. He said it has to change. He said they could be the future but the exclusion is ridiculous.
Howard said Fred is more important than any of the executives there. Howard said Fred is funny and people listen to the channels because of Fred. Not because of any of the guys on the 37th floor. Howard said those guys are clueless. Howard said they have one thing there and told them to stop sucking One Direction's dick and start sucking Fred's dick. Howard said they should act like Fred is Bruce Springsteen. Howard said he's the important one there. Howard said people should be kept from looking at Fred. He said he's really sick of this. He said he hears this stuff every day around there.
Howard said one reason he came there is because he didn't want to run a company. He said he might have to. He said when they got there they used to have a great vibe. Howard said now they can't look at One Direction. He said there's going to be One Direction for some of the management there. Howard said they should treat Fred the way they treat him. Howard said never mind to that. He said they treat him like shit there too.
Howard took a call from a guy who was upset with Sirius too. Howard told the guy to let him be outraged.
Howard said that he's worked for a lot of radio stations that went out of business after he left. Howard said they all think that they're smarter than he is. Howard said he's been in the business for 35 years and he knows what's going to happen. Howard said they can't beat him at this game. Howard said they've taken sides and they have to stop cowering when they need something. Howard said it's ridiculous around there.
Howard said that One Direction piece of shit band is noting. Howard said that they should have parted the seas for Fred Norris. Howard said he apologizes to Fred over that. He wishes he could have gone back in time and brought those creeps back to bring his daughter to see them. Fred said that his daughter did get to see the band in concert. He said that they went and had a great time. They were treated very well by Columbia.
Howard said he demands an apology over this. Robin said they'll just do it again. She said they apologize and do it again. Robin said that she heard someone telling security to get her and Fred out of the concert they were at. She said she heard that herself. She said that he asked her to come back so he could apologize. Howard said he wants to be upset and doesn't want Robin being upset.
Howard said he's going to drop this so Robin isn't upset. Robin said she does not forget. Howard said he knows. He said he keeps tabs too.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard asking some people in Harlem to pretend to be black Santa. They had one guy doing the whole thing and talking about how ''ho, ho, ho'' reminds him of whores. He was throwing around some curses too.
Howard said he has a new Christmas bit to play. They had created ''A Very Jerry Sandusky Christmas'' bit. In the bit they had songs that Jerry Sandusky might sing about young boys.
Howard said someone pointed out to him that he played the top 5 songs and Rihanna was at number 1. Howard said he was thinking about how he likes that song and that's kind of embarrassing. Howard said he does like it but it turns out she didn't write the song. It's written by some woman by the name of Sia. Howard said he just figured that was her talent but she didn't write it. Howard said this Sia was somewhere and she was singing the song with a piano player in some auditorium. Howard played the audio of her singing the song. Howard said she's singing to like 10 kids in the auditorium. Howard asked if she's famous at all. Howard said her name sounds like a porn name. Howard said she's pretty good too. Howard let her song play and
Fred found that she's an Australian singer songwriter. Howard said that he's going to make such a point on America's Got Talent. He said he's probably not going to do more than this season. He said everyone came down on him for saying that the fat actress, Gabourey Sidibe, would never go anywhere. Howard said that this Sia isn't a very good looking woman. He said the look is important. Howard said he's going to say this to the people who audition in front of him for AGT. He said that it doesn't sell. He said you have to have an image. Howard said you can't go up there looking like you just rolled out of bed.
Howard said he sees where that ''to-night'' part of the song comes from. He said Sia is Australian so that's where it comes from. He said that this is a beautiful version of the song. Howard said in the 60s and 70s when he was growing up it didn't matter so much what you looked like. Howard said you wanted to know the singer and songwriter. He said now it's all about the dance moves on stage. Howard said this broad should be known and she should be going out with Chris Brown and getting beaten, not Rihanna. Howard said those two should be engaged.
Howard said this song is beautiful. Robin said she likes the songs before the producers get to them. Howard said this is stripped down and he likes stripped down.
Howard said he ran into a guy the other day who he likes very much. He said he figured that's the kind of guy he could get along with because he's deep. Howard said he likes to think that he's deep too. Howard said he told the guy he was into photography and the guy told him that he was into it too and he likes it because of the nudes. Howard said he realized that the guy is as shallow as he is. Howard said he walked away after that. Howard said of course they like the nudes.
Howard said his childhood almost seemed pleasant compared to The Game. Robin said she was cringing at his childhood.
Howard said he went home and tried banging sideways like The Game suggested. Howard said that he gave him some advice about that and he tried it. Howard said all it did was make him ejaculate prematurely in a different direction.
Howard said they covered a lot of The Game's life and they talked about the fatness of Midget vagina. Howard said The Game was saying that little women have the fattest vagina.
Howard said JD changed his name to Got No Game. He said he should play some clips from Ronnie's Block Party. He said he had some audio of women talking about how hot JD is. Howard said JD should be treated like a god around there too. He said he comes in at 1 in the morning and stays there all day. He said they have to get their priorities straight there. Howard said they should stop treating him like a shlub there.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a woman if she would rather sleep with JD or Ronnie. She picked JD. Howard said that's great, he beat out an 80 year old. The woman also said that Benjy is annoying. Howard said he got hit with some collateral damage.
Howard said this block party is so insane. He said Ronnie gets up and yells and screams. He said he had no voice yesterday. Howard said the guy isn't nervous when he goes on stage and has no material. He said they asked him about that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he should be nervous though.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a fan in the audience of the Block Party. That guy suggested getting rid of the shitty comedians like Shuli and keep JD and Ronnie. He said they should just tour by themselves. He said it should be the back office radio party and not this other garbage. That guy did his impression of Ronnie and yelled ''Yeah! Lets fuck some whores!'' Robin said that's amazing. He was saying that the comedians have too much material and they're not needed.
Howard said he grew up like The Game but he ended up growing up to be a puppeteer. Robin said Howard wasn't shot so that's what the problem is there.
Howard said he's going to have a weight loss show on the channel and they'll just have Ronnie's girlfriend, Stephanie, talking about sticking her finger up his ass. He said everyone listening will throw up and lose weight. Howard said Ronnie's voice sounds awful again today. He said he wanted to play that clip of Stephanie talking about sticking her finger up his ass. Howard said maybe they had enough of that yesterday.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie screaming at the Cleveland Ronnie's Block Party show. Ronnie read one of his poems while JD laughed.
Howard said Ronnie has turned into Dice. Gary came in and said that Ronnie should be nervous that he has no material. Gary said he would be even if it was just four people. Gary said the clip about him getting the finger up his ass is there too. Howard asked if he got sick hearing about that. Gary said there was a little too much information about Ronnie that he didn't need to hear. Howard replayed the clip where Stephanie told Jason and Will on Back Office Radio about sticking her index finger up Ronnie's ass during sex. Howard said yuck after hearing that clip. He said maybe it's a medical thing. He said he needs his prostate checked regularly.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie singing about liking vibrators on his cock to the tune of a Christmas song. Howard asked JD why he loves Ronnie so much. JD said they were driving down to the Pittsburgh show and Ronnie was talking about the hot chicks walking down the street. He said it was like he had never seen a beautiful woman before. He said he was playing that song Howard just played in his car over and over again too. He said he played it loud so everyone would hear it. Howard asked how old Ronnie is. JD said he thinks he's 63. Howard said he's so immature. Howard said he's immature himself but Ronnie is really immature. Robin said he was caged so long that he's been unleashed now.
Howard said he used to have Ronnie driving him around and he hated that Gary had appearances. Howard said once Ronnie got up there as a security guy he became a personality. Howard said Ronnie once said that he should get some appearances. Howard said he never would have predicted this.
Ronnie came in and said he never said that. Howard said he did too. Howard said he was kind of bummed that he wasn't famous. Howard said now his bad behavior is being encouraged all over the place. Howard said Ronnie is being encouraged to do this all over the country. Howard said he has a dark side. He has a dark passenger.
Ronnie said they're going to be at Harrah's in January. Howard said he's like Dice Clay with the dirty poems and playing Harrah's. JD laughed while Howard was talking about that.
Howard said he heard about JD pacing back and forth at the shows. Howard said he's nervous and he should be. Howard said Ronnie has no self awareness. Howard said JD does. Ronnie said he has material. He said he wrote that poem on the plane. Howard said he has a lot of confidence in that. Howard said the fans were saying that they don't need the comedians. Ronnie said the comedians are great. Howard played a song with Ronnie singing ''Hey dude, eat my ass out.'' He let Ronnie go after that.
Howard said that Robert Kennedy is saying he's ready to propose to Cheryl Hines. Robin said that she feels bad for her. Howard went into his Kennedy impression and goofed on the Kennedy family for a short time. Howard was doing his Ted impression and saying that Bobby has a few dead women ahead of him. ''Ted'' said a real Kennedy would propose on his dead wife's grave. Ted said that he would then say ''You're next.'' Howard said that's what Kennedy's do.
Fred was doing his Kennedy impression too and throwing in some lines along with Howard. They were talking about how fun the Kennedy's are and how they know how to party. Robin said she thinks that Ted left a big mess with his will. Howard, as Ted, said he did. He told Robin to remind him. Robin said Ted left Victoria in charge of everything. She has turned that compound into a museum and his own relatives can't get a room. Howard and Fred kept going with the jokes about the Kennedy family killing women off. Ted was saying that their nephew should have married Taylor Swift since they can't make money of their own. Ted said there has never been a gay Kennedy either. Robin said there must be a gay Kennedy. Howard said if you go out with him he'd kill you too. He said the gay Kennedy would drive his gay date off a bridge.
Howard kept going with the Kennedy impression and telling stories about some of the wacky things that the family has done over the years. Howard thanked Ted for the call a short time later.
Howard said his wife was going to take him to see Les Mis but she got sick. Howard said he didn't have to go. Howard said they were going to go on Sunday but Beth had a horrible cold so they didn't go. Howard said he told her he was looking forward to it. Howard said there's nothing better than Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman and the rest of the cast. Howard said he heard they had to ugly up Anne and Hugh to make them uglier. Howard said they have to stop giving good looking people ugly roles. Howard said there are people like him that can play the parts.
Howard said Tiki Barber is there. Robin asked how that happened. She asked if he was lost. Howard said he wants to come in and tell them what he's up to. Howard said Nick Cannon is coming in today too. Howard said this will be the first time he's been there live. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if tonight was Jackie's Joke Hunt. He said he needs a good laugh. Howard talked up the song Fred was playing not knowing what it was.
Howard said that Tiki Barber is there. He said he's promoting a new business he has. Howard said he doesn't know much about football. Robin said he has a twin brother. Tiki said Robin is right. He said his name is Ronde. Howard said Tiki is a good looking guy. He said that there's nothing more depressing than seeing twins that are ugly. Robin said that Ashton Kutcher has a twin brother and Ashton is the one who got the looks.
Tiki said that he and his brother are identical twins. Howard asked if he hated being a twin. Tiki said that he loved being a twin. Tiki said they were very shy as kids and they had this Twin Speak thing they did but it was really just mumbling. He said that kept them comfortable though.
Tiki said they grew up in Virginia. Tiki said his mom raised them. He said his dad took off. Tiki said his dad was into drugs and alcohol so his mom kicked him out. Tiki said they didn't see him for 10-12 years after that. He said his dad showed up to his last collegiate game. He said that he didn't know what to say to him at that time. He said his dad got his life together and now he's an ordained minister. Howard said that must piss him off. Tiki said he did try to reach out to them. He said that he met his half brother and he was pretty good in football. He said he blew his knee out so he didn't make it very far.
Howard asked Tiki if he's the best running back that ever lived. Tiki said absolutely not. He told Howard about this guy Marshall Faulk who pioneered the way his position was played. Tiki said he was good in what he did but that position changed after he left the game.
Howard asked Tiki about leaving the Giants and then they go and win the Super Bowl. Tiki said that he an athlete can look great but you know that you missed that step. He said that happened to him. Robin asked if he retired too early. Tiki said he probably could have kept on getting beat up and getting more concussions but he was done mentally. Howard asked if he left because of his ex-wife. Tiki said that wasn't it at all. He said he lost the passion to keep playing the game. He said he had all of these other opportunities to do more things.
Howard asked Tiki if his position was the most important next to the quarterback. Tiki said that it can be. He said that they can make the quarterback's job easier or put more pressure on them.
Howard asked if he still has knee problems. Tiki said he has bone spurs in them and he'll need surgery eventually. He said that he played flag football over the weekend and now he's just an average weekend warrior. He said his knees were killing him after playing. He said he thought to himself that if he had kept playing he's not sure he could have kept doing it.
Robin asked what he says to his brother about that. Tiki said his brother doesn't get hit a lot anymore. He said he used to lead the team in tackles but he's gotten smarter about it and he's not doing that now. Tiki said you have to think about your life down the line and what's going to happen to you. He said that the NFL has a problem in some ways. He said that things are going to start happening and it's going to be a problem. He said that's obvious from what happened with Jovan Belcher. He said they don't know if he had a head injury or something. He said all of this stuff is happening on top of each other and this is a wake up call for the league. He said everything they do someone is watching.
Howard said that he thinks that the players don't think of themselves as entertainers and they should be allowed to make as much as they can. Howard said they're the ones who are making the money for the teams the owners are keeping it for themselves. Tiki said that they do have a pretty good pension program. He said if you become a vested veteran then you get the pension. He said it's 3 years and 3 games. He said they'll end up cutting people to keep from paying that pension but it is possible to get it.
Tiki said that there's a time when you start being coddled there. He said that they will help them out. Tiki said they do get an education too but a lot of the guys don't listen.
Howard asked Tiki about the college players that didn't make it into the pros. Tiki said that only 10 percent of the guys who made it into the pros lasted. He said that those guys do learn team work and they are able to do something with that. He said they're able to get jobs because they know what it's like to work on a team. Howard said a lot of companies will hire a guy who was in sports because they had that experience. Tiki said that the guys who don't make it in the game do have a leg up on their peers.
Howard said that Tiki was critical of Eli Manning. Howard said he felt he wasn't up to snuff. Tiki said he did get better year after year. He said he was frustrated with him though. He said he was 31 years old and they were starting with Curt Warner and he had to start over with a rookie. Tiki said he left the game and got into media. He said he worked for the Today show and others. He said that his first show no one watched. He said he said something about Eli and the way he speaks. He said he didn't think anyone watched that first show he did. Tiki said he talked about his leadership and how it was comical and it didn't come off the right way. He said two days later someone went to Eli and told him what he said. He said they took it out of context and Eli responded to it. He said Eli shot back and it created two silos. He said that he called Eli the next day but didn't get a hold of him. He said he didn't think it came out the right way and he didn't mean it to sound the way it did. He said he and Eli were fine but it became a media storm. He said they had the ups and downs of that 07 season and then they hit that spark. He said they played the Patriots and lost but they hung with them. Tiki said they thought they could play with anyone and ended up beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
Howard said that the fans yell at Tiki now. They think he hurt the team by leaving early. Howard said he's the enemy now. Tiki said they can hold it against him. He said it doesn't affect his life that much. He said the fans do tell him that he did good for the team while he was there. Tiki said some people do diminish what he did for the team for 10 years.
Howard said that Tiki has to fill up time when he's doing media. Tiki said that he was one of the first to do that transition to media after playing the game. Howard said he has to fill air time and if he cares about his job he has to keep the dialog going. Howard said he could have not said that about Eli but it's always something that blows up in your face.
Howard said some people say that Michael Strahan got his career. Tiki said that's a different world though. He said he loves Mike and he loves what he's doing with Kelly and Michael. He said it fits his personality. He said that it's great because it's an African American face that's on national TV. Howard said he still can't fathom that Kelly picked him to be on her show.
Howard said Tiki wanted to be more than sports. He said he wanted to be broadcaster and not just a sportscaster. Tiki ended up leaving FOX and went to NBC. Tiki said that was something he always wanted to do. He said he was on FOX news and being himself. He said he went to NBC and they're more structured. He said that they tell you to get this, this and this done and that's it. Howard said he realized how the Today show was a well oiled machine. Howard said that you can't just jump into that though. Tiki said it's very clean and they're on the money. He said that's what he wanted to do and he just wasn't qualified to do it. Howard asked why he got canned. Tiki said he knew it wasn't right for him so he was trying to get out of his contract. Tiki said that he was always good with the interviews he did though.
Howard said he knows Tiki got married to a new woman and they were saying he bailed out on his wife when she was pregnant. Howard said that if he had just waited a year no one would have given him a hard time. He said that it always seems like he's off by a year. Tiki said he was in a bad marriage and he had to get out. He said that he was asked to leave so he left. He said they were going to get a divorce but it sucked that she was pregnant. Tiki said that his wife had a lawyer who blasted it all over the news. He said he thought it would go away but they embarrassed him and wanted to make him settle with their ridiculous demands.
Tiki said he thinks that they were trying to ruin his career. He said that he didn't do anything for two years. He said he was depressed and he would wake up and watch TV for 18 hours a day. Robin said that's what she's doing now. He said he watched every episode of Cheers, Roseanne, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and Dexter.
Howard said it's kind of sad. He said he built up this career and then he was the guy who left his wife. Howard said all he knew was that he left his wife for the intern at NBC. Tiki said that's the way people see it but there's a lot more to it than that. Howard said Bill Clinton got a blow job in office and kept his job. Tiki said he's an African American athlete and his wife is 11 years younger than him and blonde. He said that's why he got so much attention. Howard said he just saw a picture of his wife and she's hot. Tiki said she's a whipper. Howard asked what that means. Tiki told Howard he can figure that out. He said he should have dinner with him and she'll tell him.
Howard asked if he has kids with this woman. Tiki said not yet but he might eventually. Howard said if Tiki left his wife for a black woman then maybe the black community would have backed him. Tiki said that this country is not post racial. He said there are people who are bigoted and still talk about people like that. He said that his wife is great and her family is great. He said his first wife was Asian. He said he won't say anything derogatory about her. He said that's not in his best interest.
Tiki told Howard that he has 4 kids with his ex-wife and he's got no reason to say anything bad about her. He said that they get along just fine now that the lawyer is out of her life. He said things aren't even weird when he goes to get the kids now.
Tiki said that Kathie Lee and Hoda talked about his story in the news and they didn't say anything nice. He said they believed everything in the NY Post and didn't ask him about it. He said he just wasn't able to log into his account at NBC any longer. He said they locked him out. Robin said that's cold. Tiki said he was laying low and the whole world closed in around him. Howard asked why he thinks they did that to him. Tiki said he has no idea. Tiki said he has seen Hoda since and he's perfectly kind to her. He said that people can shit on him and he's very forgiving. He said he's going to go forward with his life while the world is crashing down on him.
Tiki said it took a long time for him to get over everything but he had people around him who supported him. Howard asked Tiki who his good friends were. Tiki said his brother, his manager and his friend Jeff were a few. He said that he had other friends who popped up and helped him out too. He said there are some people who don't stick up for you in a situation like that. He said you learn who your real friends are when something like that happens.
Tiki said that some of the guys he worked with didn't back him up. Howard asked if he wishes he could have gone back on the Today show to talk about it. Tiki said he would have loved to. He said there are a lot of divorces going on in this country and his life changed.
Howard asked Tiki why he got into football. Tiki said he was good at it. He said he wanted to be an astronaut. He said he went to business school and fell in love with computers. He said he got a great business acumen but then he was good at football. Howard asked if he got laid a lot in college. Tiki said he was shy an he didn't get that much. He said it was average. He said he lost his virginity at 16 or 17. Howard said he did too. Howard said he figured he was partying a lot. Howard said maybe that's why he got married so young.
Howard asked if Tiki still has money. He said he does but he gave upwards of 75 percent to his ex-wife. He said he had a good career so he's doing okay. Howard asked if sex is still good with the new wife. Tiki said it's great. He said she's unbelievable. Howard asked if she would do lesbianism in front of him. Tiki just laughed. Howard said he's taking that as a yes.
Tiki told Howard about this company GLG that he got involved with. He said that they started this web site Thuzio where you can book athletes to come to your house or party to meet with them. Gary came in and said that he and Jon looked at the list of people they have on the site. He said next year they're going to chip in and get a player to come to their fantasy football draft to just hang out. Howard asked if that's why he was playing flag football the other day. Tiki said that's why. He said that he went out and played with some fans after a woman paid to have him show up for her husband's birthday.
Tiki said they built this site for retired players but it turns out there are guys who are playing now who would like to make some extra money. He said R.A. Dicky gets 10 grand to show up. Gary told Howard about some of the other guys on the list. Howard asked if Tiki would baby sit for that money. Tiki laughed.
Gary told Howard that they have prices for all of the different things the guys will do. He said that they will sing Karaoke for a price. Tiki said they need to get data for the bookings so they're making appearances and seeing what people will pay. Tiki said he's done a few things lately. He said that he did an appearance for Esquire. He said that it's so easy to book him through the site so they go that way instead of trying to get him in any other way.
Howard gave Tiki a plug for the site, Thuzio, and said that they could get Leonard Marshall for $1,800. Howard asked Tiki if he gets annoyed when friends invite him to a party and don't pay him. Tiki said he doesn't get upset at all.
Howard gave Tiki another plug and asked why he didn't come up with an easier name to remember. Tiki said it's not that hard and just say it a few times and it'll stick. He also told Howard that he's going to be on CBS radio soon so he is back in media. Howard wished him luck there and told him to say hello to his wife for him. Howard said he should make appearances with his wife.
Howard asked if they have interns at CBS Radio. Tiki said they do not. Howard said that's good. He said that's Tiki's Kryptonite. Howard said he has been through a lot. Howard said he has a good attitude. Tiki said you have to or you'll jump off a building. Tiki said he would never do that though. He said he likes himself too much to do something like that.
Howard asked if Tiki masturbates when he has a wife so hot. Tiki said he only does it with her. Howard said she really is a whipper.
Robin asked tiki if he ever attempted a come back. Tiki said he did. Tiki said he was covering the Super Bowl for Yahoo and he was told by someone to make a come back. He said he did get off his ass and started working out. He said it brought him back and the negativity wasn't there. He said now he can't even play flag football without being in pain.
Howard asked if he went to any psychiatrists. Tiki said he did talk to Dr. Keith Ablow. Robin said that guy is wacky. Tiki said that he talked to him and it helped. Howard wished Tiki luck and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Nick Cannon come in. Howard said that he's given up his morning show. Howard said that he read that he gave up on eating candy. Nick said that's the one thing that he can't give up. He said he has a room in his house that's a candy store. Howard said that was one of his dreams as a kid. Nick said it was. He said he loves candy and he said he would put a store in his house with every kind of candy he liked as a kid. He said he loves the stuff that's not chocolate. Howard said he can relate. He said he built an adult book store in his house.
Howard said Nick's health is good but now he's jumping back in and working more. Howard said that he's coming back to America's Got Talent. Howard said that Sharon is gone from AGT and Howie still isn't hired back yet. Howard said that he and Nick are the continuity. Howard said they don't know who is going to replace Sharon. Howard asked who he wants to bring in. Nick suggested Madonna. Howard said that would be a coup. He said that he has said that to the NBC executives. Howard said that would be dynamic. nick said they need someone like that who knows about performing.
Howard asked Nick if he's been asked who he would like. Nick said he did mention Madonna and Cher. Howard said Michelle Obama would be good too. Howard said why not? Howard said he thinks it's Madonna's time to enter the judging arena. Howard asked if he thinks Howie will be back. Nick said he would like him to. He said they treat Howie like this every year. He said that he's the first one who gets hired because he has to go out and do the audition shows. He said they're going to start going out the first of the year. He said this year they'll probably throw him off a building or something. Howard said they do put him on mountains and stuff. Nick said he thinks it might be a racist thing.
Howard said he heard that Nick gets a first look deal with NBC. Howard said he gets to go to NBC first with a show idea he has. Nick said they give him a couple of bucks for that. Howard asked if he has brought them ideas yet. Nick said they have. He said he has some good ideas. Nick said he likes the behind the scenes stuff. He said he loves to create.
Howard asked Nick if he was a child actor. Nick said he didn't start until he was 15. He said he didn't get on camera until he was 18. Howard asked why they think he was a child actor. Nick said he might look like a child. He said he was on Nickelodeon too but he was 18 at the time. He said he played younger but he was 18. He said he feels like he's been in the game for a long time.
Howard asked Nick if he was shitty at comedy when he started out. Nick said he kind of honed his skills as he got older and he thought he had to be the best. Howard asked how he got on Nickelodeon. Nick said he went out and did comedy and his manager saw him doing that. He got hired to make the audiences laugh at Nickelodeon and he did fine doing that. Howard said he feels bad for guys who have to do that. Nick said he was doing that at 16 and then he started writing for Nickelodeon. He said he became a writer/comedian and then wrote a show for himself. He said he sold that to Will Smith and his production company. He started blowing up after that.
Howard asked if that Smith family is annoying. He asked Nick if he's going to do that with his kids. Nick said absolutely not. He said he doesn't want his kids to be in entertainment at all. He said he and his wife may disagree about that. Howard asked if they argue about it. nick said not yet. He said Mariah wants the kids to perform but why would you even set yourself up for that?
Howard said that a father's position is to step in at points like that and put a stop to it. Nick said he is the disciplinarian at home. He said he wishes they were doing a reality show at times. Howard said he would love to see that. Nick said it would be one of those good PR moves because they live a normal life. Howard said Nick posted on Twitter that he's the one doing all of the work at home. Nick said he didn't say that. Howard said Mariah said she was going to take away his Twitter account.
Nick said he was on Anderson Cooper's show and said he changes more diapers than Mariah and that's true. He said that she does more with the kids than he does but she hates changing diapers. Howard said it must be hard to be married to a woman who is so successful. Howard said that Mariah is the one calling the shots and just hanging around. Howard said he would get annoyed by that. Nick said it's really not like that. He said he doesn't see that and it's funny when he hears it in the media. Nick said his wife plays the position well.
Howard said Nick and Mariah came to his house for dinner. He said that Nick speaks his mind but he did notice that Mariah is the show. He said she carries on constantly and Nick sits quietly. Nick said he turns it off when she turns it on. Howard said he saw that.
Howard said Nick seems to be embarrassed by his money. Nick said he wants to be a regular dude. Howard said it must be tough being a black man and having so much money. Nick said that it's great because he's married to Mariah Carey. Nick said that there are people who think he can't just hang with the regular people and he can do that. He said he was hanging out at a mission in Los Angels the other day. He said some people get out of touch and they can't just hang. Robin said that's what happened to Eddie Murphy. Howard said he just doesn't do that anymore. Howard said he went very Hollywood.
Nick said he wants Eddie to come on his show on MTV and do improv with them. Howard asked if Katt Williams will be on that show. Nick said he would love that. Howard said he's been hearing weird things about Katt lately. Robin said she's read some crazy stuff too. Nick said he thinks that it's one of those things where someone has access to excess. Howard said when the audience starts bringing bodyguards then you know you're in trouble.
Howard said if Nick and Mariah had a reality show it would be huge. Howard said he's heard that Nick makes love to Mariah's music and he masturbates to her music too. Nick said he does. Howard asked what his favorite song is. Nick said it's ''Hero.'' Howard said that he saw her sing that song once and he felt that she was singing it to him. He said he knows that he's a douche because everyone thinks the same way.
Howard said he was thinking about Nick and the list of the women that he could have. Howard said it must be tough to be married. Howard said he was on a mad tear for a while. Nick said he was but when he met Mariah that was his dream girl. Howard asked if she was creeped out by him at all. Nick said he thinks she liked it. Howard asked where he was when he was dating Kim Kardashian. Nick said he was just one of those dudes. Howard said he had no idea Nick was so ripped. He said he has seen him with his shirt off. Howard said he thought he could kick his ass until he saw him with his shirt off. Nick is a boxer too. Nick said he's not a great boxer but he does do a little bit of that.
Howard said Nick has an empire going now. Howard said a lot of people would look at him and think he can't get chicks. He was dating Nicole Scherzinger for a while. Howard asked why he would leave her. Nick said he left her for Mariah. Nick said that he feels horrible bringing that up. Howard asked if he was in love with Nicole. Nick said he was in a deep state of liking her. Robin asked who he got engaged to. Nick said it was a Victoria's Secret model. He said he is in love with being in love. He said he's a hopeless romantic.
Howard asked if he was dating Kim Kardashian before she got famous. nick said it was right around the time that she was getting famous. Nick said her porn tape came out when he was with her. He said that Ray J told him that his life was going to turn into a mess because he knew that tape was coming out. Howard said he would be like Nick. He said if he was dating a woman and a sex tape came out that would freak him out. Nick said he was never in a relationship with her. He said they were just kind of dating. Nick said they talked about the sex tape and she told him there was no tape. He said if she was honest with him then he may have stuck with her. He said she's a really nice girl but she lied to him about it. He said he has a feeling she may have had something to do with putting it out.
Howard asked Nick about how Ryan Seacrest knew to produce a show about the Kardashians. Nick said he had the chance to produce that show. He said they were all talking about it when everything went down hill. He said that's one that got away. Nick said that he may not be in the position he's in now if he had gone that direction.
Howard said he had a lot of shows in production and he didn't have a way of making money with them. Nick said he has about half a dozen in production now. Howard said he had a show he developed and someone wants to buy it so he might get back into it. Nick said he'd like to work with Howard. He said he'd like to produce some shows with him.
Howard asked Nick how he met Nicole Scherzinger. Nick said he met her in L.A. Howard said she's so fucking hot but there must be something wrong with her. Nick said there's nothing wrong with her. Robin said maybe there's something wrong with Nick. Howard asked why so many guys dump her. Nick said she's been in a relationship with some race car driver dude for a long time. Howard asked what's wrong with her. Nick said it's all good. Howard asked if Kim is good. Nick said she is. He said she's very nurturing and that's where he'll leave that.
Howard asked how he met Mariah. Nick said he was a fan of her's and he always said that was his celebrity crush. He said that people would tell him he'd never get her. He said he never dreamed he would. Nick said he saw her at an award show and she said she heard all of the nice things he was saying about her. Howard asked how long it took to get her in bed. Nick said he didn't get her until their wedding night. Howard said he has to be kidding. Nick said she must have known he was a sexy beast. He said they got married after a month and a half though. He said he knew he wanted her to be the mother of his children.
Howard said that Nick's kids are probably going to want to get married to someone after a month. Nick said he'll tell them that's not the right thing to do. He said that he and Mariah were something different. Howard asked if anyone told him he was crazy. Nick said his dad told him he was crazy. Howard said he met his dad and he has some crazy ideas. Howard said he's a nice guy and he didn't know who he was at first. Howard said Nick's dad told him that OJ didn't kill Nicole. Howard asked who he was and what he does there. That's when he learned he was Nick's dad. Howard said he was talking to this guy and he has facts and figures like you wouldn't believe. Nick said he has all kinds of facts and figures. Nick said his father thinks the world cold come to an end but he's going to keep his mouth shut until it happens.
Howard asked if Nick's dad drives him nuts. Nick said he doesn't. He said they have a good relationship. He said he's only 17 years older than him and he's been in and out of his life. Howard asked if he came back into his life when he got rich. Nick said it wasn't like that at all. He said that he was raised by his dad's mother. He said he spent some time living with his dad in his pre-teen years. He said by the time he was 16 he was on his own anyway.
Howard said Nick is way more interesting than you think. Howard said he does a great job on America's Got Talent. nick said Howard used to back hand compliment him. He said he would make fun of the way he talks but then he'd say he does a good job.
Howard said he has seen Nick back stage with the kids. He said he walks up to the kids and talks to them like adults. Howard said he saw Nick spend some time with them and he's thinking of them and not of himself. Nick said he could care less about the cameras at that time. He said you have to connect to the kid and not so much the parents. Nick said you have to let the kids know that it's not the end of the world. He said that the parents tell them that this could change their life but then they fail and they think that it's the end. He said it's really not that bad.
Howard asked Nick about not having sex with his wife until he was married. Howard asked if he made out and did anything like fingering her. Nick said he got none of that. Howard asked if he got a hand job. Nick said it was none of that. He said it was Mariah Carey and he didn't care. He said he was still going in even if he didn't know what it would be like. Howard asked if he felt her up before the wedding. He said he did kiss her and feel her up over the shirt. Howard sounded shocked by that. Nick said she went from a child to being married so it wasn't an issue for him.
Howard asked if he knows when Mariah wants it. Nick said she has a lingerie closet in the house and he knows when it's going down. Howard asked if she's in high heels and all of that on the wedding night. Nick said it was the best night of his life. Howard said it could have turned out she had a penis or something on that night. Nick said he was excited and it was the most amazing day ever. He said they were in the Bahamas and it was just great. He said that it took a minute to get going that night. He said he had to make sure everything was right. Howard asked if he was able to make her orgasm. Nick said he did that on the first try. Robin asked how he knows. Nick asked what she means by that. He said of course he knew. He said that the woman does something with her body and you know.
Howard asked if Nick can last for a half hour with Mariah. Nick said he can. Howard said that's an insult. Nick said it's the process that makes him last that long. Howard asked how he keeps from exploding. Nick said that it's about the build up. He said you can't give your best punch lines right then. He said that you build up and then go for the rapidness. Howard said he starts to shift around and he's done. Nick said he has to think about pleasing his wife and not think about himself. He told Howard to stop thinking about himself and think about the woman. Howard said he thinks about his closing joke and he's done.
Howard said they need to find a superstar on AGT. Nick asked if he was happy with the dogs. Howard said he liked the dog act but he wanted Tom Cotter to win. Howard said that the producers told him not to tell the audience who to vote for but he doesn't know why not. Nick said Howard was a great judge. He said he gave real constructive advice. He said that he was telling the contestants what to do and it made the acts better. He said that the one act he couldn't give criticism to was the dog act and they ended up winning.
Howard said he was playing this song by Sia earlier and she wrote the Rihanna song ''Diamonds'' and she sings it just as good if not better than Rihanna but she's an older woman so she doesn't have the look. Howard said that's what he's going to tell the contestants this season. Nick said Howard has made it and he's the best at what he does and they should be happy to get that advice. He said he thinks they'll find a big start this season.
Howard said last season they found that Earth harp guy and he was great. Nick said they have to go for what middle America is looking for. Howard said he might have to ask Middle America not to vote this season.
Howard said that Nick is friends with Chris Brown. Howard asked how he can be friends with him. Nick said he talked to him after the incident and he backed him up in that. He said he knows Chris and he's not like that. He said you never touch a woman but he thinks that the media blew it up. He said that we have to be mad at Tommy Lee and Sean Penn for doing the same thing. He said that Chris isn't a monster. He said he needed help. He said he was a friend to him. He said going on Larry King in a bow tie wasn't right either. Howard said Nick would never let his daughter date a guy like that. Nick said if that was his daughter then the guy wouldn't be living anymore. Howard said he would lock his daughter up if he was Rihanna's father. Nick said he needed help and now he's getting his life in order and moving on.
Howard said he thinks that she's going to get hit again. Nick said he doesn't think so. Nick said the guy needs help. Robin asked if we have to help everyone out. Nick said we do have to help people.
Howard said that the AGT auditions are being held in a few cities coming up. Howard said that Nick will be at a few of them. Nick said he's going to be on a Mardi Gras float this season. He said we need Howard on there. Howard told him to not even suggest that. Nick told him he should come on his show Wild N Out. Howard said he has no desire to do that either.
Howard said you can find out more about the AGT audition thing at AGTAuditions.com
Howard asked how many Twitter followers Nick has. Nick said it's like 4 million. He said he wants more too. Howard said that's bigger than a radio audience almost.
Howard asked Nick about his wife doing American Idol. Nick said the timing was right for that. Howard asked if Nicki Minaj would ever be invited over to his house. Nick said not anymore. He said that she blew up at Mariah and that just wasn't cool. Nick said Mariah thought that she was going to be the only woman on the show but then they brought in Nicki. He said that she may have been told that she was going to be the star and then they bring in another female. He said he thinks that was dishonest of the network to do that. He said he thinks she's going to be an amazing judge though.
Howard asked if Mariah is exhausted by the whole thing. Nick said she's doing really well with it and she's not. Howard said he's exhausted from AGT already and he hasn't even started it. Howard said he loves doing the show but he has to come to work at this radio show. Howard said he wonders what the hell he's doing with his life.
Howard asked Nick who he hangs out with in show business. Nick said he hangs out with Howard. Howard asked who else. Nick said he has other friends. He said he hangs out with Will Smith and he's a normal dude. Howard said he might have to hang with him.
Howard gave Nick some more plugs for the upcoming AGT audition dates. Howard said that he and Nick will be back on America's Got Talent. Nick said they'll have some hot chick on the show too. Howard said maybe it'll b two chicks and Howie might not come back. Nick said that it could be Howard in the middle and two hot chicks on the side. Howard asked what he'll tell Mariah if it's Nicole Scherzinger. Nick said he hopes it's not.
Howard said he thinks Howie will be back but they haven't asked him back yet. Nick said he loves the guy. Howard said he does too. Nick said maybe it should just be him and Howard. Howard said he'd be fine with that. He said if they bring in four judges then it's going to be too many. Nick agreed. He said he told them that last year when Simon suggested it.
Nick said he wants Howard to come on Wild N Out. Howard said there's no telling what that would be like. Nick said it's very ''hood'' and Howard would fit right in. Howard said he knows what that's like. He said he grew up in Roosevelt. Nick said they could get Howard and Eddie Murphy on the show and have a Roosevelt special. Howard said that he and Eddie are very happy being away from there and if they never saw it again he'd be fine. Howard said Nick can go out and work out for the next 8 hours so he can have an 8 pack. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked up the next Metallica song like he was working at WNBC. Howard cut it off and said that was enough of that.
Howard said it was a long, grueling day at the job. Robin said it was jam packed today. Howard said it was. Howard said they voted the 10 most memorable quotes of the year. Number 10 was Mitt Rommney's ''47 percent'' line. Howard said the next one was Tim Sabean's ''I didn't shit on the walls.''
Howard said he knows Robin was going to do the news but he read a story about a black man who died in September when he fell out of the landing gear of an airplane. Howard said he was thinking about how Daniel Carver would think if he thought it was raining black men. Howard said they never hear from Daniel anymore. He said maybe he got tired of super stardom.
Howard said Richie Wilson was at the Smashing Pumpkins concert last night and he heard a great cover of ''Space Oddity.'' Howard asked Fred if he has a copy of that. Fred said he'd look.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he didn't want to get him riled up but there are millions of subscribers who have Sirius just because of Howard. He said once Howard is gone then he's gone. Howard said he came there with a good attitude and it's just the little things that could make it better there. Howard said management makes the mistake of turning Fred down. Howard said Fred is just as important to the company as these rock stars they suck the dicks of. Howard said people are subscribing more for Fred's comedy than they are for Paul McCartney or any of these people they give channels to. Howard said he sees the way people come up there and get their dicks sucked and the should really be sucking Fred's dick. Howard said they should value what they have. He said he doesn't want to get too into this again.
Robin said that there is a fourth accuser for the guy who plays Elmo. Robin said that they have a guy who claims that the Elmo guy, Kevin Clash, wasn't able to get it up. Howard said that he tells women that he's not able to get erect but that's just because he's so small. Howard said they think he's hung well if they think that's him not erect.
Howard said that Shannen Doherty called 9-1-1 to help someone out and then she demanded privacy after she got some notice. Howard said you'd think she'd want some attention after something like that.
Howard said he was reading that the Australian DJs who got into trouble over the prank call they made might be brought up on charges. Howard said he can't believe that. Robin asked what charges they'd be brought up on.
Howard had the Shannen Doherty 9-1-1 call audio. He played that and Shannen introduced herself to the operator as an actress. Howard goofed on that for a short time. Robin said it's no wonder she wants privacy after that. JD came in and told Howard that the operator is breathing heavy into the phone. Howard said he heard he asked for an autograph. JD said he asked for her Twitter handle. Shannen was saying that there was a girl on twitter threatening to kill herself. Howard said the guy wasn't breathing that heavy. He said he was just breathing and you have to do that. Howard wondered if he would call 9-1-1 if someone was going to kill themselves. Howard said he wishes that some of his followers on Twitter would kill themselves. Howard said he stopped blocking people on Twitter. He used to do it but he gave up. Robin said they did find this woman and she did not kill herself.
Robin asked Howard if he went to dinner with Russell Crow. Howard said he did. He had done a movie with Mary McCormack and he went out to dinner with them. Howard said Russell played some of his music for him. He said he's a pretty good dude. Robin said that he's dating a friend of Howard's according to Page Six. Robin said he's dating Katie Lee. Howard said he read that this morning too. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and read some email while he waited for Robin to get back to her microphone. Howard read a few emails about The Game's interview yesterday. Howard said one guy was brought to tears during the interview.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about the Pope saying that greed is not good. Howard asked if that's his big tweet. Robin said she's not sure if he tweeted that. Robin said the Pope has been out since it's getting near Christmas and he's talking about people not thinking so much about themselves and maybe think about others and give to the church. Howard did his Pope impression and made up his own comments that he could say about pollution being bad too.
Robin read about Dominique Strauss-Kahn and how he came to a settlement with the maid who accused him of doing some things to her. Robin said they settled all of the stuff and they're not revealing the details.
Robin read about a local official who says his wife is a lesbian but he's been married to her for 19 years very happily. Howard said he knows couples like that too. Robin said they fell in love while working for Mayor Dinkens. Howard said he knows some hard core lesbians who have ended up going with dudes. Howard said sometimes that happens.
Howard said he has Mick Jagger on the phone. He picked up on Sour Shoes who was singing his Rolling Stones song. Howard said he thinks they were fooled by Sour Shoes once again. Howard had Sour do a different song. Sour did his Gary impression and then broke into another Stones song. Howard said he had enough after a few seconds of Sour talking up the next song.
Robin got back to her news and read about a kid who killed his mother and then killed his father a few months later. Robin said they are going to charge the kid with both of their murders.
Howard took a call from someone who fell asleep on the phone. Howard said he can never hang up on these guys. He said he pictures them at a table with the phone slumped over on their mouth. Howard said he can't imagine how else it would be. Howard kept the guy on hold while Robin did her news.
Robin read about stores that sell fish that's mislabeled. Howard said he seems to pay a lot for his fish so he must be getting the good stuff. Robin said that's what this is about. She read about how often this happens and how often people are being duped.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Katie Lee and Russell Crow out shopping over the weekend. Howard said it must be serious then. He said there's nothing more fun than shopping with someone. Howard said he thinks he's going to run around the halls nude now. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Beyonce signing a $50 million deal with Pepsi. Robin said that she'll be doing some commercials and things like that for Pepsi.
Robin read about Katt Williams and how he's in the news again. Robin said he's being sued by someone who claims Katt hit him in the head with a microphone and then threatened to shoot him. Howard said that sounds like a good show to him. He said he can get bored with stand-up. Howard said just imagine you go to the show as a fan and then the guy starts beating you. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Howard said Fred found the Billy Corgan cover of ''Space Oddity.'' Howard played some of that and said it was very powerful. Howard said he picks the right songs to cover. He said it gives him the chills. Howard said he should audition for America's Got Talent. He said he could win a million dollars. Howard said that's not an easy song to pull off. Howard showed Robin how he can dance to that song. Robin said that wasn't dancing, that was flying. Robin said she loved that version of the song.
Robin read a story about how The Game made news after doing the interview there yesterday. Robin read about what he was saying about Chris Brown yesterday. Howard said it's The Game and Nick Cannon who spend a lot of time with Chris apparently.
Robin said there's a guy online who is willing to change his name for the whole year next year. Howard asked why he'd want to change his name. Howard said maybe he could have him change it to Eric Norris. Robin said that the guy has a $34,500 bid on the name change already.
Robin read about a Rabbi who was found guilty of fondling a young girl he was supposed to be giving religious counseling to. Howard said he hates this story because people hate the Jews enough already. The caller was still on the phone snoring so Howard was distracted by that a little bit. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a pediatrician who has been accused of having lots of victims. Robin read about how he victimized his patients. Robin said that the case involves hundreds of victims. Robin had some audio of an official talking about the case. Robin said the average age of the victims was just 3. Robin said some of them were infants. Howard said he thanks god he doesn't have that sickness. He said you get one shot at life and you go through it with that.
Robin read about a man who was murdered in broad daylight near Carnegie Hall. Robin said someone walked up to the man and shot him in the back of the head. Robin said it was right on the streets during the day. Robin had some audio of some witnesses talking about what they saw. Robin said the shooter was able to get away in a dark colored sedan.
Robin read about a new prostate cancer treatment that's being tested. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the tests they're doing.
Robin read about a book that a teacher wrote in Ohio where she writes about having sex with a student. The parents of the students in the school are upset with the book. Robin said the teacher wrote it under a pen name and she says that the book is a work of fiction.
Robin read a story about the Dallas Cowboy player who was accused of driving drunk and killing a fellow teammate in a crash. Robin said the mother of the player who died is praying for Josh Brent and his family. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. That was the mother of the guy who died. Howard said he wouldn't be that gracious. He said his mom had better not say that if someone kills him that way. Howard said his mom can be pissed.
Robin read about Trent Reznor who says that Nine Inch Nails fans should have something to listen to in about a year. Howard said that's great, he'll just sit around waiting for him to get off his ass. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon went over some of the stuff that they were going to get to and Jon mentioned Howard getting upset with management there. Gary said that he got even more upset after the show because he heard that someone was there yelling at him in his office. Gary said that person wasn't yelling at him but he was very passionate about the conversation saying that there are two sides to the story.
Gary said that this person was trying to explain to him that everyone wants to come to events with these people. Jon said he just heard the snoring guy on the line so he thanked Teddy for that.
Jon said Howard was really pissed. Gary said he's still pissed. Jon said that Howard's argument is that there are a lot of talent there that doesn't get rewarded while the management does. Gary said that he feels that there are two worlds. He said it's The Howard Stern Show and the rest of Sirius. He said things have deteriorated. He said they're kind of an island there now. He said Howard is feeling that and he's not happy about it.
Jon brought up the discussion they had about JD and Ronnie at the block party today. Gary wondered what's most important for JD in these things. He said that it must be the money and the pussy but also the fun. The guys figured the money was about 70 percent and 20 percent for the chicks and 10 for the fun.
Gary said that JD is making money doing it and he wonders why Scott walked away from that. Jon said that JD told them to pay him set amount and he'd do it. Now he's doing it and Scott stopped doing it when he thought he was owed more.
Jason said that JD just comes back and says he made money and he's happy. He said that he'd gladly do what Scott was doing for half the money. He said he thinks he's an idiot for walking away from it. Jon said he thinks he regrets walking away from it. Gary said he doesn't think he could get him to admit it. Jon said he thinks he can. He said he'll try to get him down there.
Jason said money is a relative thing. He said it's thousands of dollars a weekend. Gary said it's great money but Scott might be bothered by other things too much to deal with it. Jon said they were going to take a break and try to get Scott in there.
Jon said that Tiki was beloved until his last season. He said he had his best season that last season. He said the fans turned on him very quickly. Jon asked Jason if he changed his mind on Tiki today. Jason said no. He said he has met him up there many times and there is no love for him there. He said he fumbled the ball constantly and then he got better when someone showed him how to hold the ball. Jason said that it was constant distractions for the team. He said he trashed the coach and Eli and it wasn't cool.
Gary asked if Tiki was a distraction or did Eli just get better the next season. Jason said it was all of that. He said that Eli was in his 4th of 5th year around that time. Jason said that Jeremy Shocky got hurt late in that season too. He said that's when the team went on their winning streak.
Jason and Gary spent a little time talking about what Tiki said about Eli Manning and how it came across. Jon said he didn't believe when Tiki said that Michael Strahan's career isn't what he wanted. He said he found that hard to believe. Gary said that he can't think of an athlete that has been thrown into such a big arena and succeeded. He said that there are a few who started in sports media and then branched out. The guys were talking about how he didn't really work out in the sports casting. The caller who was snoring could be heard through the whole discussion.
Jon took a call from a guy who thanked them for having him in last week for the beautiful penis contest. He said that he thinks Tiki is a scum bag and he can't believe that he left the team when he did. Jason said he trashed the team on his way out too. The caller, Zach, said that he's glad that the guy is a nobody now.
Jason said that he thought Tiki was a great guest today but he will always have a sore spot because he is a Giants fan.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that you know how bad Tiki is doing when you see that his booking fee is just $700. Gary said this is his company though. Gary said that he may have put himself in there at a lower rate to get out there and get the business. Gary said he thinks that he's worth a lot more than that.
Jon said that site is the greatest site ever. Gary and Jon said that they were looking at the people on the site and guessing at what they were charging.
Jon took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that Tiki Barber really wasn't too bright for quitting when he did. He said it was great that they won the Super Bowl the next season.
Ralph said he wanted to talk about the One Direction thing too. He said it was like a presidential lock down thing there. He said that it's really an insult to Howard saying no to Fred. He said that it's very insulting. He said he was shocked when he heard it on Friday. Jason said that he heard Ross defending it this morning. He said they don't know how much Fred actually asks for. Jason didn't sound to happy with that. He was doing his impression of Ross Zapin and goofing on him a bit.
Ralph said the worst part is Fred having to say no to his daughter. Gary said you really go out of your way to get stuff for your kids and it can be tough.
Jon asked if Gary thinks that this can be fixed. Gary said that there is no turning back. He said that it's about Fred and his daughter but it's about so much more. Jon thanked Ralph for calling in and then went to break.
Gary asked Scott if the money wasn't a driving force. Scott said it was but this was a principle thing. Jason asked if he thinks that Shuli stole money from him. Scott said he thinks there was a misunderstanding. He said he thinks that could be worked out. Jon said it might be the time to work it out.
Jon asked Scott why he wouldn't just follow Ronnie and make the money. Scott said that pride gets in the way. Jason said pride never helps, it only hurts.
Jon asked Scott if he would go back if he could. He said he may not even be wanted back. Ronnie said he tried to talk Scott out of it but he wouldn't listen. He said they've moved on. Gary asked what he would say if he wanted to come back. Ronnie said he would say yes but it's not up to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how much Scott's wife was involved in the decision. Scott said there was some concern there but it was his decision. Scott said he doesn't want to get into that. He said it was basically his decision.
Jason said that it sounds like it was a misunderstanding with Shuli but what about his wife. Scott told him to keep her out of it. He said that it was his decision. He said his wife has an opinion too but he's going to keep her out of it. He said he didn't feel he was being treated fairly. Jason told Scott to ''fuck pride'' and work through that shit.
Jason said that Scott left at least $15,000 on the table in the past 6 months. Scott said maybe they can work things out.
Ronnie said he told him not to leave. Scott said he did. Gary said that this is very Jackie-esque. He said that Jackie walked away. Gary said he thinks that he thought it would die off. Scott said he really didn't. Gary said that he was part of the attraction and he thinks it flourished after he left. Gary said people did JD. Scott said that's fine. Ronnie said people love JD. He said he just basically goes out and mumbles a bit but it's good. He said JD is the straight man to his lunatic.
Jason said that he sees the reaction JD gets and he gets standing ovations and stuff. He said he gets the love out there.
Jon asked Ronnie about how he doesn't get nervous doing this. Ronnie said that he just works past it and moves on with it. Scott said he used to have to have a few drinks before he'd go out. He said he was nervous and he wanted people to like what they do. Ronnie said that's how JD is too.
Jason mentioned that Scott didn't mind being around the fans unless he was eating during the Meet and Greet. Scott said he felt that they were set up a bit. Ronnie said they weren't set up at all because it still happens.
Gary said he and Jon are thinking about going to the Atlantic City show. Jon said he's definitely going. Gary said he's not sure about it yet.
Jon said they're almost out of time so he has to bring up Nick Cannon and how he claims he didn't have sex until the wedding night. Jon said that he's such a fan of her's that he was willing to wait. Gary said he doesn't think he could wait. He said Nick didn't care if she gave a bad blow job but he would. Gary said Nick just loves her. Jon said that he admits he jerks off to her music and has sex to her music. Jason asked what's weirder, him having sex to her music or Mariah having sex to her own music.
Gary said that Nick is a really nice guy and he's so easy to get along with. He said even after Howard gave them a hard time he was still very easy to get along with. Ronnie said Nick told him he was a fan of his and he was shocked. He said he's such a nice guy. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how they had to get right to it today. Howard said they have to talk about Bobo for a second. Howard said he heard him on Howard 100 News and he was describing his fear of what's going to happen on December 21. Howard said you have to hear this. He played a clip of Bobo talking about how he's trying to find the abandoned missile silos but he's not having any luck. Jon Leiberman asked why he's trying to find them. Bobo said that if something goes down he wants to be in a shelter. Bobo said he needs some kind of shelter.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked how he's trying to find the silos. Bobo said he's looking online. He said one of them is in a scary place. He said it's in North Amityville. He said it's almost impossible to find them. He said they have them chained up and he just wanted to scope it out.
Howard said in January when nothing has happened they want Bobo to come in and wear a Dunce cap. He said his toupee will be on top of the cap. Howard said Bobo has to walk around Manhattan with a Sandwich board explaining why he's a dunce. Howard asked if he'll do that. Howard said it'll guarantee a trip up there to the show. Howard said if he rejects the offer that means the world will end.
Bobo said he guesses he'll do it for the show. Howard said he'll see him in January then. Bobo said he can't fathom this. He said probably nothing will happen but he has this in his mind. Howard said he'll be there in January.
Howard asked Bobo if he brought his wife out the other night and took her out looking for the silos without her knowing it. Bobo said that he did bring her out but he told her why she was out. He said he was interviewing people in the town trying to find out more information.
Howard said if the world ends then he doesn't have to do any of this. If it doesn't end then he has to come in and wear his sandwich boards. Howard said that's something he can look forward to next year.
Howard said last night he went to jerk off and he went to his iPad. Howard said it wasn't able to connect to his Wi-Fi so he wasn't able to jerk off. Howard said he was humiliated. Howard said he has an upstairs bathroom where he jerks off and he had the iPad up there. He said that he has something wrong with his TV and he thinks they're tied into the network somehow and things aren't working right. Robin said she's going through the same thing. She said that she was trying to get her Christmas music through her house and it wasn't working. Howard said they have like 7 different Christmas channels there at SiriusXM. Howard said that Beth is busy with that music too. Howard said that it's not so easy to get into it with that music playing.
Howard said he went downstairs to get his other iPad to get on the network. He said he went through all of this just to jerk off. Howard said he checked that one and it wasn't on the web either. He said he had his 3G connection on one but he doesn't like jerking off to that one. Howard said it never works as good as Wi-Fi. Howard said they say LTE is the same speed but it's just not.
Howard said he's down there checking out his iPads and he realizes he's 58 years old. He said he told himself to stop and just went up and didn't jerk off. He said he got in bed and watched TV instead. He said the TV was working just fine. Howard said he thinks the TV guy adjusted the Wi-Fi connection and that's why he wasn't able to get on the network.
Howard said he caught up on Fringe last night and he's angry with them because they didn't explain the past seasons. He said this season is in the future and it's fantastic but they don't explain it all. He said that it's driving him mental. He said that Homeland drove him mental too last week. Robin said that Jon Hein was upset with Homeland too.
Howard warned people that this was a spoiler alert. He said the woman on the show goes to get the terrorist and she walks in with half an army and they all disappear other than this one guy. Howard said that they all leave her and Abu Nazir appears out of the ceiling somewhere and then she's screaming trying to find them and it was making him crazy. Robin said that he's armed to the teeth too. Howard said he's like Batman.
Howard got back to the Sandusky Claus stuff. He had Fred play his childhood audio clips too. Howard said Sandusky would have loved him as a kid. He said he was a cute kid.
Howard played more of the Sandusky Claus audio clips. They had a bunch of quick ones where they had Sandusky Claus saying some things about the staff.
Howard said he has so many things to play. He said he has a clip of Barbara Walters on The View. Howard said he could never be on a show like that. He said the women talk over each other and it makes him insane. He said he's not sure how anyone watches that show. Howard said Barbara Walters was about to reveal something while they were talking about bondage and the other women told her to stop talking. Howard said this is an infuriating clip. He played it and Barbara was talking about being in college and then the girls cut her off and told her that Page Six is listening so she might want to think before she talks. Barbara was talking about what she would do and the girls were all cutting her off.
Howard said this is what makes men want to chain women up. He said they're angry with their mothers and they want to shut them the fuck up. Howard said he hates to break it to them but there are a lot of angry men out there.
Robin said this is how many women see and hear the world. Robin said the women know what the end of the sentences is going to be so they start talking. Howard said he'd chain them all up. He said he's going to go Silo hunting with Bobo. He said he had to take a break after that.
Jon came in and Howard said he knows where this is going. Howard explained how they had a Town Hall thing up there with the band One Direction and Fred wanted to come with his daughter. He said Fred was told no by Scott (Greenstein). Howard said his point is that Fred is very important to the company. He said they treat him like he's a shithead. Howard said if he had asked himself then he would have been told yes.
Jon told Howard that there were two celebrities there the day of the event and they were allowed into the event. Howard said he knows something about that. He said he knows who the celebrities were. Howard said that if they gave those two a radio show they'd have to be morons. Howard said that they would get no listeners or subscribers. Howard said Fred, who is working there, is treated like a shithead. Howard said he's so much more important than anyone else there. Howard said that these two shitheads have no business on radio. Robin said it's not the celebrities fault. Howard said she's right. Howard said they did nothing wrong. He said he won't reveal the names of those celebrities.
Howard said he's so sick and tired of the way things are going around there. Howard said if he was on terrestrial then they'd be begging Fred to come over there.
Jon told Howard that another radio show there won the chance to send one person to the event with a plus one. Jon said that they were going to go to the event and screw up the whole event with a porn star. He said someone else told Scott Greenstein about that and that person was disciplined. Jon said that another show there at Sirius was ready to blow up the whole event.
Howard said he loves Sirius. He said he loves the opportunity that he got there. He said he loves the company more than anyone who works there. Howard said he wouldn't be an advocate of sabotaging the event. Howard said that Fred should be treated like the B or C list celebrities that were there. Howard said he's really got to get off of this because they suck the dicks of celebrities that are flashes in the pan. Howard said Fred is the biggest celebrity there. Howard said he hates to break that to the company but that's the way it is.
Howard said no more news. Jon said he has more stuff. He said that Scott the Engineer bowled a perfect game. Howard said Scott has one joy in his life and it's bowling. He said that it's the one thing that makes the guy happy. Howard said that's the least sexy thing you can do. He said that it's so pathetic. He said it's a bunch of old bald guys. Howard said Scott threw a perfect game and he heard that once you get to the 7th or 8th frame everyone comes over to watch.
Howard congratulated Scott on the perfect game. Scott said that he managed to get 12 strikes in a row. He said that he will get a ring because he did it during a league game. He said they have different levels of rings and he can get a gold one if he wants to. He said that it might be over a grand. Jon said he thinks that it's $1,200. Scott said they do have a free ring that just says 300 on it. He said that the gold one would be nice though. Howard said he's going to buy him that ring for Christmas. He said no stones or upgrades but he will buy him that ring. He said it's the first time in his miserable life that something good has happened.
Robin asked why they didn't have cameras there to record that. Howard said that's because nothing good happens to the guy. He said that the whole bowling alley was there watching. Scott said that everyone came over after the first 9 strikes. Howard said bowling is so boring that he's getting bored hearing about it. Scott said he managed to do it and he was able to get that 12 strikes. Fred played snoring clips while he was telling the story. Scott said the last ball was dead perfect.
Scott said he almost did it again last night. He said he had just one spare and the rest were strikes. Howard congratulated him on that. Scott said that this happens more than it used to but it's still hard to do. He thanked Howard for the congrats.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Scott about his team ''Shut Up And Bowl.'' Scott said that one of the guys is always talking so they came up with the name when they told him to shut up and bowl. Scott told Howard that he's in a good zone right now and it feels good.
Jon said that Scott has been asked to bowl in a professional tournament. He hasn't asked for any days off yet. Howard told Scott not to ask for any days off. He said when he goes to those things he always chokes anyway. Scott said he's waiting to see the schedule first. He said that he will try to work around it. He said if he can't then he won't do it.
Howard let Scott go after that. Howard said they have some guys there to sing Christmas songs so he has to get to them.
Howard said that Mikey looks like he gained some weight. Mikey said he did. He said he was on crutches for a while and he put on a few pounds. He said he's 190 pounds and 5'8'' tall. Howard said he bulked up and he looks more masculine now. Mikey said he thinks he looks like Gange.
Howard said Eli is in a Santa outfit. Howard asked what he's going to sing. Eli said he's going to sing ''Brown Titties'' and he wrote it just for Robin. Robin said ''Oh my.'' Howard had some back up music for him to sing to. Eli then sang the song to Robin. The song was to the tune of ''I'm Dreaming Of a White Christmas.'' It was all about Robin's titties.
Howard said Mikey looked disgusted with that song. Mikey said that these songs really are disgusting. Howard said that Psych and Mikey don't get along. Psych said he was asked to be put in a different room. He said that Mikey steals his songs. Mikey said he was over it until he met him.
Howard said he wants to hear from Mikey next. Robin asked who has written the most songs. Howard said he thinks it's Mikey. Eli told Howard that Psych took a shot at him today too. Psych said that he stole a song from him too. Psych told Howard that he has his songs logged and he keeps track of when they're played. Eli asked how he keeps track of them since he's blind. Howard said they really hate each other.
Psych said that he gets his songs played every day. He said he has a lot of other bits that are played too. Mikey asked if he's paid more. Psych said he doesn't get paid. Mikey said that's the point.
Psych said that his cab driver told him he has terminal leukemia and he will be dead within two months. Howard asked if this was supposed to be about Robin. Mikey said it was and he did a song about Robin called ''Dropping Loads of Your Rear'' to the tune of ''It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.'' He said he had another one since that one was so short. He sang ''We Wish To Squeeze Your Big Tits'' real quick.
Howard asked Robin if you have to tip your cab driver if he says he's going to be dead in 2 months. Psych said he did. Howard asked Psych to sing something for Robin. Psych said he was going to do a medley of songs until Howard cuts him off. He sang about Robin being topless. He then sang one about Robin's asshole called ''My Brown Ass Girl.'' Howard said he was on fire with that guitar. Mikey and Eli were joining in and singing with him too.
Howard said that you can see Eli and Mikey at Recoup lounge in Manhattan tonight. Psych thanked them for inviting him since they didn't. Howard said he talked right over their plug. Howard gave them plugs for their twitter accounts too. They were @EliBraden, @LittleMikeySP and @PsychSongs. Eli said you can check out his web site at EliBraden.com too.
Eli said he had a song about Scott Salem and Scott DePace that he could sing. He did that and Howard told him to stick to Robin songs. Eli did a quick one about Robin. Howard had Mikey do one more Robin song too. He sang ''Nuts On Her Chin.'' He said he will be performing that one tonight but it'll be a longer version.
Howard asked if the guys have run out of songs yet. The guys said they have not. Eli joked that he's going to steal more from Psych. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Sharon Osbourne is there. He said she's his former co-host on AGT. Howard said that she gets into fights with everyone.
Howard said that Sharon is looking skinny. Sharon said she did lose more weight. Sharon said that she is on the Atkins diet and it just works. She said she's down by 28 or 29 pounds. Howard said that she fights with everyone. Howard said he's aggravated with her. He said she fucked up. Sharon said she did not. Howard said she always fights with everyone. Howard said she fought with Simon Cowell and said he had a little cock. Sharon said he bad mouthed her in his book. She said she just does it playfully. Howard said she could have made up with NBC. Sharon said she did write a letter to Bob Greenblat and asked to meet to sort things out. She said she gave the olive branch out and he wrote back to her agent and said no.
Howard said her son Jack was on a TV show and he had MS and she felt that they mistreated him. Sharon said he's right. She said that she doesn't want to be fake at this point in her life and she's not going to hold back. She said she has to blow off steam.
Sharon said that she had a fight with Piers Morgan and she was choking him in Mr. Chows. She said she called him and apologized to him and he was fine with it.
Howard asked Sharon why she told Piers that they didn't have chemistry. Sharon asked if she really said that. Howard said she says things that he doesn't understand. Howard said he felt they had chemistry. Sharon agreed. Howard asked who didn't have chemistry. Sharon asked how the fuck she should know.
Howard said Sharon is so opinionated. He said that he turned to her and asked who she thought was going to win this thing. She told him that it was Tim Hockenberry. Howard said he thought she knew everything. Howard said the guy didn't win and he asked her why she said that and she said she never said that. Sharon said she's fucking nuts so how the fuck would she know.
Howard said he thought that the three of them were so in synch this season. He said maybe she was trying to make Piers feel better. Sharon said he's a good person. Howard said he actually likes Piers. Sharon said they're all misunderstood.
Howard asked Sharon why she's wearing the gift he gave her. Sharon said she has worn it since she got to New York. She said it's the best gift any friend has given her. Howard said he should take that gift back. Sharon told him to fuck off. Howard said he didn't know how things were going to turn out but he thought they had chemistry. He said he has the clip so maybe he should play that. Howard asked Gary if they had that. Gary said they'd have it in two seconds.
Howard asked Sharon what's going on with her tits. He said he knows she got that band around her stomach and lost some weight. She had the band removed and her weight went up a little. Then she went on the Atkins diet and that's working for her. Sharon said it's working for her, her husband and her son. Howard said she looks good and looks glamorous.
Howard asked how much she's lost. Sharon said it's 28 or 29 pounds. She said she is exercising too. She said she likes doing weight training and some cardio. She said she does the elliptical. Howard asked what she wears when she's doing it. Sharon said she has to look fabulous.
Howard asked Sharon about her tits and about the implants she had. She said she had one leak into her stomach wall. She said before that they had a genome test done on them. She said this is a very expensive test and they agreed to do Ozzy to find out how he survived this long abusing himself the way he has. Sharon said that they did the blood test and Ozzy is perfect. She said that they found that he's perfect. Sharon said that they found that she has a colon cancer gene and also breast and ovarian cancer. She said that she had to go in and have the implant removed because it was leaking so she had both of them removed. Sharon said that the surgeon suggested that they take off her breasts. Howard asked if he were to get naked in a room then what would he see. He said he thinks he could have fucked her in his dressing room. Sharon said he probably could have because she didn't have her knickers on.
Howard asked Sharon what her tits look like. Sharon said she had them removed but rebuilt. Howard asked how they look. Sharon said they look very small and very perky. She said they look like they belong on someone else other than her. Robin asked if she has nipples. Sharon said she has one but she's going to have another tattooed on. Howard asked why she's waiting. Sharon said she is so busy that she hasn't had time. She said that her tits look like they're winking at her husband every morning.
Howard asked Sharon if that destroyed her. Sharon said it didn't. She said she's a grandmother and she's past all of that. She said it would have been different when she was younger.
Howard said Sharon still likes to be glamorous though. Sharon said that she has been bald at one point. She said that she lost her fingernails when she had chemo. She said that she had colon cancer so she had to go through chemo. Howard said this has been a tough few years. Howard said their bulldog died and then Jack got sick. Howard said that Jack has MS. Sharon said he had a burst appendix the week before his daughter was born too. Robin said they got her genes and none of Ozzy's.
Howard said that Sharon isn't on the show with him anymore and she had so much fun with him. Howard said Sharon is filthy too. Howard said that she should have let it all hang out on the show. He said she worries about her brand though. Sharon said she can't go up and say what she's really thinking. Howard said she would see someone come out on stage and say that they look like a child molester. Howard said he told her to just say that but she worries about her brand.
Howard asked Sharon about doing The Talk and if she likes that. Sharon said that she loves doing that show. She said they're 3 years in and she's happy. Howard said that Lea Remini is still tweeting about being fired from the show. Sharon said that she likes Lea. Howard said that Lea Tweeted that Sharon thought that Lea and Holly were too ghetto. Sharon said that she didn't think they were funny. She didn't have the power to have anyone fired though. Sharon said she isn't a producer. She said that she didn't think they were funny but that was just her opinion. Sharon said she doesn't even know what that ''ghetto'' thing means. She said that Holly said to her that she was disgusted when she used the term. Sharon said that she would say it and Holly would get upset. She said she doesn't know why it would offend her so much though.
Howard asked Sharon if she was openly hostile toward them. Sharon said she was not. She said she never is. Howard asked if management ever came to her and asked what to do. Sharon said they did not and she's just a hired hand like they were. She said that they need to vent somehow and that's how they're doing it.
Sharon said that she has learned from NBC that you should think before opening your fucking mouth. She said that she didn't have the power to get them fired. Howard said it's more Julie Chen and Sarah Gilbert who have control over that show. Sharon said that Sarah created the show.
Howard asked if the networks do too much research. Sharon said that they might. She said that she wants to be real and not humiliate people publicly. She said that she can't say that someone looks like a pedophile on the air.
Howard asked Sharon why she didn't know why AGT was moved to New York. Howard said that they moved it because of him. He said he can't work in L.A. Sharon said she did not know that. She said that she was just given a flight number. She said that they had a jet for executives but not one just for her. Howard asked if she flew commercial. Sharon said she did take the private jet quite often but it was awful. She said she was stuck with 3 people who don't like her. She said that she doesn't suck their dick so they don't like her. Howard said he didn't know that was going on. He said he thought that they were having a good time. Sharon said Howie should have his own jet. She said she was the least paid on the show. She said she didn't know what the cost was but it was way under a hundred per show. Howard said he didn't know that. He said that's horrible. Howard said he thought they loved her. Sharon said she was with the show for 6 years. She said she loved the show too.
Howard asked Sharon who she thinks will replace her. Sharon said she knew there was a letter that went out to the agencies and the description for the replacement was a description of her. Howard said he called them and said that he knew who they were looking for... Sharon Osbourne. Howard said he thinks that they're done with her for good though. Sharon said that when you don't play nice they don't forgive. Sharon said they're men with little dicks. Howard said she might be right because he has a little dick and he doesn't forgive.
Howard asked Sharon if she ever gets tired of all of these battles. Sharon said she worked with Simon Cowell for 9 years. She said that Simon did say that he was happy that she left the show. Howard said he heard that she's going to be on a show called The Dog Can Dance that Simon is producing. Sharon said she did the show in London. Howard said Simon obviously likes her. Sharon said he likes her but doesn't like the way she says things.
Sharon said that she forgives people very quickly. She said that she will fuck with you if you fuck with her but she forgets it the next day. She said that Bob Greenblat may not be that forgiving. Sharon said that he should. She said that you can't hold on to that stuff because it'll eat away at you. Sharon said he's running a company and he has to think about making money and not worry about this kind of thing.
Howard asked Sharon if she thinks that Howie will be back. She said that she doesn't think so. She said that they haven't called him yet. Howard said Howie told them that they never knew before the new year. Sharon said that she thinks that they're going to play the waiting game. She said that they're looking for probably four judges and if they can't find anyone better they'll call Howie at the last minute. She said that's the way the industry works. She said these people running the corporations are like that. She said they are supposed to do the best for the company but sometimes they don't. She said they should have forgiven her for what she said about the network.
Howard brought up Jay Leno and Sharon said ''fuck him!'' She said she used to love going to see him do comedy. She said that he was a lovely person. She said when they did The Osbourne's he had them on every week. Sharon said that Jay was great until years later. She said that Ozzy's album, two albums ago, came out and Jay didn't want them on the show because they were doing the Jimmy Kimmel show. She said that Jimmy gave Ozzy 5 nights in a row and she had to take that because that's where Ozzy's audience is. Howard said that most people would have bailed on Jimmy. Howard said that she didn't bullshit him and she went with that. Sharon said that Jay got pissed and stopped booking her. She said that she's just going to say ''fuck you'' to him after that. Sharon said that Jay says that he never joked about her kids like other people did. She said that he's on NBC too so fuck 'em all.
Sharon said that Jimmy Fallon loves her and Ozzy but they won't have her or Ozzy on the show either. Howard said he won't fuck with those guys. Howard said they're like the Mafia. Howard said maybe he shouldn't have had her on the show. Sharon said that she knows that they won't have her on Fallon and it's like an invisible blacklist. Howard said that he has been on those lists too. Sharon said that they do have it but it's invisible.
Howard said he should have fucked Sharon in his dressing room. Sharon said he should have. Howard said he could have given it to her so hard. He said maybe not hard but he could have given it to her.
Howard asked Sharon about her daughter Kelly because she's looking really good. Howard said he always felt pervy looking at her. Howard said she is very glamorous now. Howard said he should bang Sharon and Kelly together. Howard said then he can go out and do America's Got Talent. Howard asked if Kelly is married. Sharon said she's still single but she has a guy. Sharon said this guy is good. She said she didn't like the other guys before this one. Howard asked if she told her that she didn't like the guys she didn't like. Sharon said she did. She said she called one guy Cauliflower dick. She doesn't even know why she did that. Sharon said that she would tell Kelly when she felt the guy wasn't right for her.
Howard said he heard that she's competing with Kelly in the weight loss thing. Sharon said she would never do that. Howard said he read that Kelly had some bricks fall on her at some hotel. Sharon said they were in Mexico at a hotel. She said she's terrified to go there. She said she's afraid that they'll get kidnapped or raped. Sharon said they had a great time in Cabo. She said they stayed at a resort but she can't remember the name of it. Howard asked if they bother her down there. Sharon said people just leave you alone there. She said that no one gave a shit. Sharon said that Kelly was laying down and she got hit with 3 pieces of brick that fell off the building. Howard said the hotel gave her a bottle of champagne and that was it. Sharon said she didn't sue after that. Howard said he would imagine that they would sue. Sharon said they didn't.
Howard asked Sharon if she was screaming about Justin Bieber saying he was over and his stardom won't stand the test of time. Sharon said that it was just her opinion. She said that she worked with him and he's a very nice kid. Sharon said that she was asked about him and that's what she said. She said that it doesn't mean he's a bad person. Sharon said he's fucking 3 years old so who cares. Sharon said he doesn't care about a 60 year old with red hair saying anything about him. She said so many people have gone before him and didn't stand the test of time.
Howard asked Sharon if she's done with Insane Clown Posse. Sharon didn't have anything to say about that. Howard said he's kind of upset that he won't be working with her this year. Howard said he hopes that Howie is there. Sharon said they'll have some chick with pumped up lips sitting next to him.
Howard said he has no idea who will be on the show with him. Sharon said it'll be two women and another guy on the show. That's what she's predicting. Sharon said she thinks that Enrique Iglasias would be great on the show.
Howard said he thinks that Sharon will be hard to replace. He said maybe Lea Remini. Sharon told him not to laugh at this but about 4 years ago Simon wanted her on America's Got talent. Howard asked what happened. Sharon said she doesn't know. She said that he wanted to bring in a fourth judge and her name came up. Howard asked if she's too ghetto. Sharon laughed.
Howard said that maybe Cher or someone like that. Sharon said that they'd have to pay her $20 million to get her. Howard said no one should make more than him.
Howard said what he liked about the show is that he's not in charge of it. Sharon said he's right. She said that there is no pressure. She said if the show fails it's not their fault. Howard said he's going to miss her there. Sharon said she'll miss him too. Howard said they're friends forever. Sharon said that friends last longer than shows. Howard said that's right.
Sharon asked where the clip is of her on Piers. Gary told her she has to go. She has to co-host with Anderson Cooper today. Gary said that Tim told him that they sound great on the air together. He said that Tim was asking why NBC can't hear this chemistry. Howard told her to listen to this clip before she goes.
Howard played the Piers Morgan clip where Piers was talking about how the show went to hell in a hand cart. Sharon said that they lost some ratings this year but they were against American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he was told that they won't do that again this year. Sharon said that's bullshit. She said that they didn't have the show on at a regular time either. Howard said he was told that they did so well even with those weird time slots. Howard said he heard Piers with her and Piers wants to be a hero.
Sharon said that they did very well when Piers was there and that's what he was referring to. Howard said he thought it was a miracle that they did as well as they did.
Howard played more of Piers talking to Sharon and Sharon said that she didn't see the point in moving to New York. Howard said Sharon didn't know that they moved the show to New York for him. Sharon asked why they didn't move him to Los Angeles. Howard said he has to be there in New York to do the show. Howard said he'd have to move his entire staff to do it. Howard said he sat with the NBC guys there in the studio and said he can't move. He said he has a whole career there in New York. Sharon said that she kept thinking that they should just move him to L.A. Howard said he has his whole set up there in New York. He said he has a TV show there too. Howard asked how they didn't explain that to Sharon. Sharon said she doesn't ask. She said it's not her position to do that. Howard said he thought that it was pretty obvious why they moved to New York.
Howard played more of the audio and Piers said that he loves Howard. He said he's an amazing talent and he didn't think he was the real Howard Stern. Sharon said Howard handled himself very well and he's a big old softie. She said that she would ask Howard filthy things off the air. Howard said she was asking him if he fucks a girl in the ass and things like that. Howard said he loved that but it was hard to concentrate.
Howard played more of the audio and Sharon said she would ask those questions because that's what he would do to her on his show. Sharon said she's not sure if they had the chemistry that she had with Piers.
Sharon said she was being nice to Piers when she said that. Howard thanked her for saying that. Gary said she really has to go. Howard gave her some plugs for The Talk and said he had a great time doing that show with her. Howard said that Julie Chen is sexy too. He said he knows she's horny as hell for him. Sharon said he wishes that was true. Howard wished Sharon luck with ''The View'' and had to correct himself to ''The Talk.'' Sharon said that she will watch Howard on AGT but she knows that whoever replaces her will be boring. Howard said he wants her to come and watch live. Sharon said that they're all replaceable. She said that we're all just cans of beans. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have the Tan Mom there today. Howard said she was up on some charges after they thought she was tanning her kids. Howard said that her name is Patricia Krentcil. Howard said that she has a skin care line out now.
Howard said that he's kind of disappointed because she's not tan today. Howard said Tan Mom should be her name. Patricia said she's coming out with her own lotion and it's not for tanning booths or anything. She said that it doesn't have any chemicals in it. She said it's all natural. She said it is a tanning lotion though.
Howard asked how much she likes tanning. Tan Mom said she has been tanning since she was born. Howard asked if she did it outside. Patricia said her brother was always telling her to tan. Howard asked if she was ever told not to tan because of the skin cancer problem. She said her sisters told her not to tan. She said that the whole tanning thing is so ridiculous. She said you just have to use the right chemicals but she's not doing that anymore.
Howard asked if she feels ugly when she doesn't have a tan. Patricia said that she has had urges recently. She said she has a friend who is writing a book about skin regime and the wrinkles and stuff. Patricia said that she never wore makeup before. She said that she was told to stop tanning.
Howard said that we came to know this woman after she was on the news because they thought she was tanning her kids. She said she has 5 kids. Howard said the kid went to school and she had some kind of rash and the kid told the teacher that it was from being in a tanning booth. Patricia said that it's illegal that they didn't call mom or dad or a guardian to get an explanation. She said that they went right to the cops and that's how this whole thing started. She said that they don't put their kids in the booth. She said that her kid waited for her to get a tan in a tanning booth. She said that she was in there for 12 minutes.
Howard asked Patricia if she tans with no clothes on. She said that's the way it works. Howard asked if she has a tan vagina. She said he was embarrassing her. Howard asked if she is fully shaved. Patricia said that she was embarrassed. Howard said that he would imagine she is tan. Patricia said she's not a very hairy person. She said she has hair but it's very little. Howard said he figured that she'd cover her vaginal lips. Patricia said that's very funny. She said that she just puts Chapstick on her lisp. Howard said she must cover up her vaginal lips too.
Howard asked Patricia about bringing her daughter with her to the tanning salon. He said she would tan but she never brought her 6 year old in there. Patricia said that she's 6 so she wouldn't do that. Patricia said that she's going to cut to the chase. She said that they were out on the deck and she has a kiddie pool. She said that her daughter is a red head and if she went into the tanning booth she wouldn't be able to handle it. She said her daughter went to school the next day and she told the teacher she was itchy. Patricia said the nurse called the cops and everyone knows that she didn't do anything. Patricia said that they imitate what their parents do and that doesn't mean she was in the tanning booth.
Howard asked what age they should start tanning. Patricia said after 16. Howard said she was the blackest person he's ever seen. He said that she went berserk to tan that much. Howard said he understands wanting a little color but she was darker than Wesley Snipes. Patricia said that whole thing was tainted. She said the picture of her was painted. She said she knows for a fact that it was. Howard said they had a shot of her in there. Howard said that was her. He said she looks much better now. He said that they had one of her when she was younger and she was hot. Patricia said that she was dark in that picture.
Howard said that this is an illness. Howard said she looks great without a tan. He said she thinks she looks bad without a tan and she has to tan. Howard asked how many times she would tan in the month of January. She said it would be about 20 times. Howard said that's like a job. Howard said he doesn't show up there for his job 20 times a month.
Howard said we all have problems but it's very shallow to go to the tanning salon 20 times a month. Patricia said that she wants to get out of the house and do something and that's her thing. Robin said she needs to get out and serve soup at a soup kitchen or something instead of tanning.
Howard asked if she has the urge to tan. Patricia said she does. She said she's been banned from the tanning salons though. Howard asked if she's ever thought of going out of state to tan. Patricia seemed to think that was a good idea.
Howard asked Patricia how she turned it around. Patricia said that it was just ''boom, it's fine.'' Howard said that fame is an addiction too. He said she must like that on some level too. Howard asked if she's afraid that she's going to lose her identity. Patricia said that she gets free meals and autograph requests all the time. She said that she just got a letter in the mail today about how she was standing by her. Patricia said that she just says ''Fuck you all'' because they're all liars out there. She said people who make judgments and they don't even know her. Howard said that when you hear a mom is putting a 5 year old in a tanning booth then you judge. Patricia said that she never did that. She said she wanted to take a polygraph about that. Howard asked if she's still up on charges. Patricia said that it's postponed until February.
Howard asked if she signs her name Patricia or Tan Mom. She said she signs it ''Patricia (AKA Tan Mom).'' Robin was asking a question and Patricia asked if she is above her. Robin said she was in heaven.
Howard asked if she has trademarked Tan Mom. Patricia said that she has. She said she doesn't have the web site though. Howard asked Patricia about her nails and if she's able to do anything with those. Howard asked if she ever cuts her husband with those. She didn't want to talk about that or doing anything to herself. Patricia said she's shy when it comes to that stuff. Howard said he would put her right in the center square of Hollywood Squares if he was the producer. Howard said the whole booth would be a tanning bed.
Howard said Patricia is mad at Kelly Ripa. Patricia said she is and she wanted to bring that up. Howard asked if she's not wearing a bra today. Patricia said she's not. She said she knew Howard so she didn't wear one.
Howard asked how she wipes her ass with those huge nails of hers. Patricia didn't want to talk about that kind of stuff. Howard said she must have a different technique. She just laughed. Howard told her she should write a book about that.
Howard said that Tan Mom is promoting the Skin Regime and you can find out more at TheSkinRegime.com
Patricia told Howard about how Kelly Ripa made fun of her on her show. She said that she has plates in her head because she was cold cocked when she was a kid. Patricia said she ended up getting punched in the head. She said that she had to have four surgeries to fix it. Patricia said she cried after that. She said her husband went to jail for 5 months over that. Patricia said that she's got equilibrium problems and her speech is screwed up from that head injury. Howard said he thought that she was drunk but it must be that injury.
Patricia said that Kelly Ripa doesn't have any right to make fun of her. She said that she's just trying to take over Kathie Lee Gifford's spot. Howard said he thinks she's done that already.
Howard said that he needs to understand why she's there. Howard said that her life is turning around and she still has the charges she has to get through. Howard asked if she lost custody of the kids at all. She said that she did not. She said they wanted to give her 100 days of probation but she turned it down because she didn't do what they were accusing her of. Patricia was trying to explain herself but Howard didn't understand. Howard said if she goes to prison then she'll never be able to tan again. She said that the whole thing is a pack of BS. She said they have no evidence that she did anything. She said that it's because of who she is, Tan Mom, that they're going after her. Howard said just imagine being known for tanning. Howard said George Hamilton loves tanning. He asked if she has a poster of him on her wall. Patricia said no and didn't sound like she's into him at all.
Howard asked Patricia if her husband is tan. She said he is. She said that he used to wear a wig and one day she ripped it off his head and threw it out the window.
Howard asked if the husband was there. She said he was. Howard had the guys bring him in. Howard asked if they're having a good marriage. Tan Dad said it's fine. Howard asked if Tan Mom is in love with him. She said she loves him but he talks and never shuts up. She said he's annoying. Tan Dad said that he told her that they had to leave at a certain time this morning and she was 20 minutes late leaving. Patricia said that if he would just be quiet and let her do what she needs to do it would be fine. Howard asked if he's still in love with her. He said that he is. Howard said he gets the feeling that she's not in love with him. Patricia said she loves her husband. She said that they're going through some hard times though. Howard asked how often they have sex. She said that they did it just two days ago. Howard said he got laid 3 days ago so she must be doing better than he is.
Howard said she must be a firecracker in bed. Tan Dad said that it depends on her mood. Howard was asking more questions about sex and Patricia didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked if Tan Dad likes the nails. Tan Dad said that he lets her do what she wants. Howard said he thinks he has given up. Tan Dad said you do have to give up on some things.
Howard asked Patricia how much she thinks she spent at the tanning salon. Howard said she could have had her own tanning booth at home. Patricia said she liked getting out of the house once in a while and hanging out with friends. She said that's why she did it. Patricia said that she has a friend show is trying to open a salon.
Howard said that Patricia was too dark. He said that tanning every day was too much. Patricia said that she wanted to pretend she was in the Bahamas instead of wiping someone's ass.
Howard said everyone was worried about her daughter. Patricia said she would never do anything like that. Howard said that's fine. Tan Dad said that their daughter was outside and got a little bit of tan from being outside. He said that they say that she could end up getting 5-10 years if she's found guilty. Howard said that would be awful. He said that her nails would go to hell. He said she would probably have her own cell though. He said it would be quiet.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the worst thing you can do to your skin is tan and she's promoting this skin care thing. Howard said that her skin actually looks good today. Patricia said that she's not tanning her face anymore. Howard said that she claims to have a tan vagina but her lips must get dry. Tan Dad said that she's normal. Patricia said she's not normal. Howard said how dare you insult her by calling her normal.
Howard asked Patricia if she gets annoyed with tan lines. Patricia said she doesn't at all. She said that she spends 8 minutes in the booth instead of being outside for hours. She said she's a lazy person and she would rather do that. Howard asked if she would get tan lines laying out. She said she would. Howard said that's an inferior tan then. She said that she would fix that in the tanning salon.
Howard took a call from Kelly Ripa (not the real one) who asked Tan Mom what her problem was with her. Then she said she looks like a piece of shit with a wig on. Howard told her to apologize. ''Kelly'' made fun of the way she speaks and Patricia said this is why she doesn't like her. She told her to never come in front of her face. Kelly said her twat looks like a burnt octopus. Patricia seemed to think that was the real Kelly. Howard said he's friends with Kelly and with Patricia now. Howard said he feels weird now. Patricia came to life and went off on Kelly and told Howard to hang up the phone or she'd throw something at him. Howard hung up on fake Kelly.
Howard said he was going to try and work something out with them. Patricia said that's not going to happen. Howard said he thinks that was the fake Kelly. He said she must know that. Her husband knew that. Patricia said ''just don't mess with me.'' Howard said that the real Kelly wouldn't say the things that she was saying. Patricia said that she doesn't think that was her. Howard said he can almost tell her 100 percent that it wasn't her.
Howard asked what she's so upset with Kelly about. Patricia said that she doesn't like the commercial she did. Howard asked if she was stripping down. Patricia said they should turn on the air conditioning in there.
Howard asked Patricia how she's going to turn this into a business now that she's Tan Mom. Patricia said that she would like to open a store. Patricia said that people jump when she says jump. Howard said he believes that. Howard said if he was Tan Dad he'd listen. Tan Dad said she has thrown things at him. She said she hit him with a golf ball she hit with a golf club once. Howard asked if she's the most difficult woman he's ever gone out with. Tan Dad said yes. He said she is a great mom though. He said they have fun with the kids. Patricia said they plant flowers and things like that.
Howard took a call from Governor Chris Christy (Richard Christy) who was saying that they'd like to kick her out of the state of New Jersey. He said that he'll give her a case of Hawaiian Tropic if she leaves today. Patricia said she feels bad for the kids who have nothing to do and have to go out and drink in that state. The Governor asked if she voted for him. Patricia said she did but she should have declined.
Howard asked Patricia where she stands on gay marriage. She said it all depends on where you want to put your dick. Howard asked if she's against it. Patricia said she would go to a gay wedding. She said that men and women should be together but if that's what you like then that's fine. She said she doesn't want to get in the middle of all of that. Patricia said that she doesn't care for men doing that but women doing it is okay. Robin said that's a new position. Howard said that's a step in the right direction. Howard said that the headline will be that she came out for half of gay marriage. Patricia said that she doesn't hate gay people. Howard asked if she believes in god. She said she doesn't even know who she is. She said that she's catholic but her husbands have been Jewish. Howard asked how many Jewish guys she's banged in her life. Patricia said that she has had 3 Jewish men.
Howard asked if Patricia is against spray tanning since you end up looking orange. She said that it's better than not being able to do anything. She said she doesn't like it. She said she just wants a healthy color. She said she's done with all of this cream and stuff. Howard asked if she has a vibrator. Patricia said that she thinks her food was delivered for that answer. Howard said he was taking that as meaning he went over the line with that question.
Howard said he learned a lot about Tan Mom today. Howard asked if she thinks that Kelly ''Ripkin'' tans in a tanning booth. She said she does. Howard said he thinks that this will mend some bridges when Kelly hears this today. Patricia said she is sad that everyone can do whatever they want but when it comes to her it's trouble. Howard said Tan Dad his hat goes off to him. He said he has a lot on his plate. Tan Dad said that she does a lot and she controls the house and keeps it clean. He said she does a lot. Howard said it sounds like she's keeping an orderly home. Patricia said she doesn't even go out. She said she doesn't want to go out and get hit on. Howard asked who she would want. Tan Dad said she likes Ray Liotta. Howard asked if he'd give a free pass to Patricia if he got Ray in there. Patricia said no.
Howard asked where she stands on abortion. Patricia said if you were raped and you're like 16 and have nowhere to go... She wasn't able to finish her thought. Howard said he would go down on her in a tanning booth. Tan Dad said it's too hot in those booths. Howard said she'd wrap her legs around his head. Tan Dad said the booths aren't that big now. He said they're tiny rooms.
Howard took a call from Richard again. This time he was Simon Cowell offering Patricia a job on America's Got Talent. Patricia said she would love that. Howard told Simon to shut up and hung up on him. He told Patricia that was another fake.
Howard asked about this court case and if they're spending a fortune on the legal bills. Tan Dad said that they are pretty big. He said that they have to make some money to pay for this stuff. Patricia said that they have no evidence that she did anything wrong. She said she just wants to get it over with.
Howard said they learned a lot today. He said that her skin care line isn't out yet. He said that they should let them know when it is. Howard thanked Tan Dad, Rich, for coming in as well. Howard said Patricia should stay out of the tanning booths. He said that no one wants to see her hurt. Howard said he admires Rich too. He said that he can see he has a tough life. Howard said that guys are jealous that he goes home with Tan Mom. He said that he must be happy that she's not tanning. Rich said he was fine with it either way. Howard asked if he's going to get a beating when he gets home. Patricia said that he's just rushing her all the time. Howard asked if she's angry with him for ruining her interview by taking up so much time. Patricia said she really doesn't care. Howard gave her some more plugs and then took a call from Sal who was pretending to be Ray Liotta. Ray offered to pay her legal bills. Ray said he has his own special lotion for her that comes out of his cock. Patricia said she can't believe that it's him. Howard had him do some of his lines from Goodfellas for her. Sal did a couple of lines. Ray said that he'd like her to leave her husband and he'll pay the legal bills. Patricia said she can't believe it. She said that she would leave him for Ray. Howard told Ray not to bring up Kelly Ripkin.
Ray was saying he wanted to know what a night with her would be like. Patricia said she would love to kiss him and hold him. She said she can't explain it. Ray said that he would take off his pants next. Patricia said they know what comes next. Ray told her that he'd be erect in his underwear and then she'd pull down his underwear. Patricia said ''Oh my god.'' She said this is unbelievable. She said she would start from the bottom and work her way up. Howard said she means from the balls. She said yes to that. Howard said he doesn't think this is really Ray Liotta. Howard said she can't believe she believes it. Patricia told Howard to ask him a question from the movie. Howard asked Ray if he is the real Ray then he would know this. Ray told him to ask a question about being in Private Parts with him. Ray said that he carried his bags in the airport. Howard said that's really him.
Ray asked Patricia what she would do to him. Patricia said she'd have to talk to him off the air about that. Ray asked if she would toss his salad. Patricia said she has family listening to this. She said she can't believe it's really him. Howard asked Ray where he got all of this money because he hasn't worked in years. Howard said he's sure this isn't Ray and hung up on him.
Ralph called back and asked if they can send the Howard TV cameras to her skin care line meeting. He said that they need an hour long special with that. Howard said that's a good idea so maybe they will follow them.
Howard asked if Tan Dad was upset that she was so turned on to Ray Liotta. Rich said that she's turned on by a few guys like that. She said that she's into Robert De Niro too. Howard said he has him on the phone now. Howard did the impression himself this time. He got on the megaphone and did his De Niro voice. Robin was cracking up so Patricia asked where she is. Howard said she's under the couch. He thanked them for coming in and wished them luck with the court case. Howard said he hopes they get through it. Patricia said that he has no idea what she's had to go through with that. Howard gave her some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Tan Mom is out of her mind. She said that all she needs is Howard in her life. Howard hung up on her before she could get the whole line out.
Howard asked if Robin was there. Robin said she was just trying to protect her ears. Howard said Tan Mom hugged him goodbye. Robin said that was quite an interview. Howard said that she's coming out for half of gay marriage. He said he learned a lot. Robin said she should run for office. Howard said she hugged him goodbye and then gave him a big, phlegmy cough.
Howard played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard said he was in there earlier singing to Robin. Robin said she can't believe they didn't play a Christmas song.
Howard took a call from skin Cancer who said that he's been trying to catch up with Tan Mom for years. Howard said he just missed her and thanked him for the call.
Robin said that Imus has signed on to do 3 more years. She said he's 71 now. Howard said that's impressive. Robin said that he had been mum about his future plans but now they know he's continuing on with that great career. Howard said he's still going at 71. Robin said she thinks that he's going to die with his boots on. Howard said he's going to die in the saddle. Howard said there must not be much to stay home for.
Robin read about Anne Hathaway having her picture taken with no panties on under her dress. Howard said he thinks that's so hot. Howard said he knows she's upset about it though. Howard said if she doesn't want to be photographed without panties on then wear panties. Howard said it's just sexy with no panties on. Howard asked Robin if she ever does that. Robin said it might have happened at some point but she was never caught. Robin said she feels for her. Howard said the only time he walks around with no underpants is when he shits himself.
Robin read about a poll that was done by Ask Men who asked who the most desirable woman in the world is. Number 1 was Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said she is stunning. Howard said he thinks she's hot. Robin said she never got that. Robin said that Mila Kunis was number 2 on the list. Kate Upton was number 3. Robin said that Tan Mom didn't make the top 10.
Howard asked if Robin got his Christmas card yet. Robin said she didn't. Howard said she should get it today. He said that he's thinking about putting the picture up on the web site. He said it's of Beth and their four cats. He said he took the picture. Howard told Jason to put it up if he wants to. He said he has 600 extras and he might send them out to the fans. Howard told Gary to figure out how to do that.
Robin said that some astronomy experts have said that the world will not end on the 21st. Robin said that some people think that a loose planet will crash into the Earth that day. Howard asked why people laugh at Scientology but believe this shit. Robin said some scientists are saying that this won't be the end of the world. Howard said he wants to say that he never read Gary's book just in case the world does end that day. Howard said he also has to tell Robin that she is the true love of his life and all of those songs about her were written by him. He said he's the one who thinks about her titties and ass.
Howard read that Alicia Keys is thinking of cutting her hair short. That's an actual headline in the paper. Howard said he read that Nicole Kidman is going to wear red shoes to a holiday party next week too.
Robin read about the Pope having his photo taken as he wrote out his first tweet. Robin said he sent out the message using the handle @PontifX. Robin read the tweet and he was blessing everyone from his heart. He sent it out in 8 different languages.
Howard read that Jennifer Lopez was photographed with brown stains on the front of her pants. Howard wondered if she shat through her vagina or something. Robin said they're probably just saying she was a mess.
Howard said the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame must be desperate for people because they're inducting Rush into the hall of fame. Howard said Jon Hein broke his rule about masturbating and he's in the back room jerking off now. Howard said Rush has had some hit songs and they're a band that people know. He said he kind of gets that but Donna Summer is in the Hall of Fame. He said that's not rock at all. Jon Hein said that Rush deserves to be in there if it's a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said the Moody Blues should be in too then. Howard said he thinks that they're better than Rush. Jon disagreed. Howard said he can't imagine being passionate about Rush.
Howard said he was leaving yesterday and he saw that they were having a Billy Crystal Town Hall thing. He said he knows Billy hates him though. He said that they do air that special on one of the channels there. Howard asked if it was fun or funny. Jon said he didn't hear it. Howard said he didn't bother stopping by since Billy hates him.
Howard said he read that Charlie Sheen's ex Brooke Mueller is back in rehab for the 19th time. Howard said he has a feeling it'll work this time. Howard said 19 is the magic number.
Howard said he loved having Nick Cannon in there yesterday. He said he admits that he jerks off to his wife's music. Howard said they had Tiki Barber on the show too. He said that he wants to be the new Oprah by having so many black celebrities on. Howard said he was thinking about Tiki and the business he started and how he really started that himself by giving Jackie the Joke Man his radio show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's going to go see Django Unchained even though Jamie Foxx is in it. Howard said he actually likes Jamie but he's not sure why he went to war with him. Howard said he got pissed off at him for saying that Gabourey Sidibe was fat and Hollywood wouldn't reward her. Robin said he was all over that himself before Howard was. Howard said that Hollywood wants thin and glamorous. Howard said that they had to ugly up Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman for Les Mis. Howard said that if they want ugly they can hire him.
Robin read about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and some of the other inductees that were announced. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard took a call from CWB who said that he loved that Tan Mom interview. He said the ''Kelly Ripkin'' thing was really funny. They spent a minute talking about that before getting back to the news.
Robin said that there will be a lot of musical performers at the Hurricane Sandy concert tonight. Robin ran down a list of people who were going to be there. Robin said it'll be on TV and online. She said she thinks it's going to be on HBO and a bunch of other channels as well as being streamed online. Howard asked if the Black Keys are going to be there. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said Steve Brandano was wondering. Robin said she doesn't think Rush will be there either.
Robin read about how Frank Sinatra would have been 97 this year if he had lived. Robin said that they'll be celebrating him in his home town today. Robin had some of his music to play. Howard said he never got Frank Sinatra. He said he thinks it's fine but it's just not his thing. Howard said he's more into Nancy Sinatra. Howard played some of her music and also told Robin that she makes a good wine. Howard said she got a bottle from her and he just tried it last night and it was really good. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Ravi Shankar dying. Robin and Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard said he took over a concert with George Harrison once and it went on and on forever. He said the guy didn't know how to end a song. Howard played some music from that concert where Ravi was tuning up and people thought he was done with his song when he was actually just done tuning up. They played a couple clips of some of his other music. Howard talked about how boring his music was. Robin said his daughter is Norah Jones. Howard said he went to a sitar concert once. He said he sat through it because he loves his daughter so much. He said that's how much he loves his daughter.
Robin read about how Governor Rick Perry wants to ban abortion in Texas after the 20th week. Robin had some audio of Perry talking about that. Howard said it's not a baby in there, it's just a blood clot. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about a group that wants women to wear pants to work to help them get more of a voice in church. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard asked what century this is.
Robin read about a man who was killed on the street in New York City. Robin said they fond that the gun was used 3 years ago in another shooting. Robin had some audio of police commissioner Ray Kelly talking about that. Robin said they think that it was a targeted shooting. Robin said that they say the gun was probably used in another crime in Queens but they still don't have the gunman.
Robin read about the fiscal cliff negotiations that are still going on. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard said that he got an email from someone saying that Ralph admitted to stealing toys from the Toys for Tots bin out in the lobby. Jason came in and said that Ralph was joking about that. He didn't actually take anything.
Robin read about a gunman who shot up some people in a mall in Oregon. Robin said that he died after taking his own life. Robin said that they haven't released his name yet. Robin said some 60 shots were fired in the food court at that mall. Robin had some audio of some witnesses. Howard said people aren't safe anywhere anymore. He said he can't believe what's going on in America.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he's getting Beth for Christmas. Howard said she's very hard to shop for. He said he has to go out shopping with her. Howard said she has very specific taste. The caller said it's the thought that counts. Howard said he did get her something but she's tough. He said the whole house is all Christmas'd out. He said they have a huge Christmas tree in the living room. He said it's huge and the cats love staying under it. He said he has to put something under the tree. He said she'd rather buy the gift for herself and have him pick it up. He said cash is king though. That's what his father taught him.
Robin read about a man who was knocked out of his wheelchair by a woman who heard him talking about her. She pushed him out and kicked him in the face. The man is not expected to survive.
Robin read about Jenna Bush announcing that she's expecting her first child. Robin asked why she should care about Jenna Bush. Howard said he would like to know. Robin said she doesn't care. Robin said getting pregnant isn't that hard to do. She said it's not that big of an accomplishment. They ended the show after that. They were done around 10:25am.
Scott came in so Jon congratulated him on that. Jon asked if he just accepted the offer to get the ring. Scott said he just accepted it. Gary said he didn't even say ''Oh Howard that's too much.'' Scott said he knows that it's a big deal and it's pretty cool that he got that. Jon congratulated him on that. Scott said he's really in shock still. Gary said he bowled when he was a kid and once he bowled 8 strikes in a row and by the 9th frame he had everyone in the place watching him.
Scott said he threw 11 perfect ones and one that was slightly off. Jon wished him a happy birthday as well. Jon asked if this means that the black cloud is gone. Scott said he has never gone for that. He said that he has a great family and a great job. He said he doesn't think he has more bad stuff happen to him than anyone else. Gary said he doesn't think that he has good luck or happy things happen to him often.
Scott said he just turned 60 today. Jon said that things are looking up for him. Gary said when he met Scott he had a baby. Scott said that baby is 27 now. Gary said Scott had worked at a couple of other stations and he thought he was a young person back then. Gary said he doesn't look at it like they've been at it that long. Scott said that was good luck getting that job there. Gary asked if he's older than Robin. Scott said they're both 60 now. Jon said he had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Tan Mom and how that was a real thing and not a bit. Gary said that they must have thought it was a bit but it wasn't. He said that some people were mad that she was even on the show. He said he thought it was hysterical. Gary said there was a point in the show where her husband was 7 feet away from her and Howard asked if she was in love with him. She paused and didn't answer for a few seconds.
Jon said he thought that she was going to throw her water bottle at Howard when he didn't hang up on ''Kelly Ripkin.''
Gary said the first time he saw her he thought that it was a hoax. He said she was a color that he had never seen on a person.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that interview was pure genus. He said it was like having Jackie Stallone back. Jon said he's glad that he enjoyed it.
Jon said one of the interesting things was her stance on gay marriage. Jon took another call from a guy who said that he had to congratulate Scott on his 300. He said he knows how hard that is. The guy said he thought the Tan Mom thing was kind of brutal and he wondered why she would come in there for that. Gary said that she wanted to be there and she had people who wanted her on there. Gary said he's not going to keep her off the show if she wants to come on. Gary said she's going to do a bunch of other shows too.
Another caller asked why they didn't send out a picture of Tan Mom today. Jason came in and said that he did take some and he will send them out later. He said he doesn't send them out before the guest is in the studio. The caller also asked why Shuli isn't in the studio more often. Gary said he'll be back. He said he sits in for a few days at a time. Jason said if you listen really carefully you can hear Shuli in the background of every show on Howard 100 and 101.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the slurring of the words with Tan Mom. Gary said that she claims that's from her head injury. Jason said that he didn't smell any alcohol with her today.
Jon took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if she smokes. Gary said they didn't ask her. Gary said that they did a bit on Saturday Night Live where her whole body was smoking. He said that was pretty funny and even more brutal than the Kelly Ripa stuff. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked if the ring is something that anyone can get. Scott said they check the serial number of the bowling ball to make sure it was legal. He said that he wasn't allowed to bring a ball to a PBA event because it wasn't registered. Gary asked if there is anything lower than cheating at bowling. Jon said no.
Jon asked about the different vibe around there today because no one seems to share gifts there. Jason said it used to be a big thing on the day before break. He said no one seems to care anymore. Jason said he used to make a calendar but this year he got out of it. He said he got bored with it this time. Jason said that Will was happy he was saying that. He said Christmas has gotten moved back to Wednesday and that may have changed things. He said that when it was a Friday it was different. Jon said he thinks it's since Secret Santa went away. Ronnie agreed. He said that people sneak around and pass gifts to people now.
Steve Brandano said that he bought gifts for people but he can't pass them out because people will see. He said he has to give them out when he sees those people over the next few days.
Jason said that he would still be doing it if everyone else was doing it. He said he felt like he was one of the last ones still doing it. Gary said years ago he had so many bags he wasn't able to carry them all in. He said that he would have even more to carry back to his car. He said it was really fun back then. Jason said all of that is gone now.
Gary said that he and Jon would buy extra cards so they could pass them out just in case someone gave them a gift that they didn't expect.
Jason said he knew when it was Christmas there when Stuttering John would ask him to look up the prices of the gifts he got.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she can't believe she's talking to them. Gary told her to hurry because they only have 40 seconds. She asked if Howard really loves Sharon. She said she thinks that they hate each other. She thinks that she was the big pain in the ass on the show. Gary said they have loved each other for years and there is no friction between them at all. Jon agreed. They had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:00am.
In the clip Howard said he was up the night before and saw that this Three Stooges biography was on again. He said he had to watch it. Howard talked about how sad their careers were. Howard said they got paid the same for every movie and they were stuck with their wives the whole time. Howard said they told a story about Curly shooting himself in the ankle with a gun when he was a kid. Howard said that he wasn't all that outgoing around strangers either. Howard said he wasn't the big ladies man that they made him out to be either. Howard said he had a few wives but that's because they were failed marriages.
Howard explained what he heard about Shemp and how he was part of the group before Curly even was. Howard said he came in and replaced Curly after he had a stroke. Howard said when they were done they kicked them out of the studio and didn't let them back in.
Howard told Robin some other stories from the show and said he thinks those guys were brilliant. Howard said they did a lot of stuff that was hard to do. Howard said he doesn't laugh at anything as hard as he does as at the Three Stooges. Howard said they were geniuses. Howard said they were the guys who put the humor into those movies. He said they didn't write them but they did make them funny.
Howard told the guys how the name Curly Joe came about. Howard said that was when Joe Besser replaced Curly. Howard said that it was like the death slot because Curly kept being replaced. Howard said Curly, Moe and Shemp were brothers. Larry Fine was an outsider but he was treated like a brother. Howard said Moe was cheap and he didn't share the money with Joe as much as the other guys. Larry asked Moe to make him an equal partner.
Howard did his Moe impression and Fred tried doing a Larry Fine impression a little bit. Howard said that Moe was really slapping Larry in those movies too. He said he had a callous on his face from being hit so much. Howard said Joe didn't want to be hit so Larry told him he'd take the hits for him.
Howard said they talked about how Moe did the local Officer Joe Bolton show in New York and he showed kids how to do the poking of the eyes. Howard said he was in the audience for that. Howard said he remembers seeing that. Gary said Moe looked really old at that point. He said he had that bowl hair cut but he had grey hair.
Howard said he wishes he had tapes of Officer Joe Bolton kissing Moe's ass. Gary said they used to use a vacuum to make his hair stick up and he told the kids not to try that at home.
Howard said Moe was all shriveled up toward the end. Howard said they had him doing TV shows but it was like geriatric Moe. He said it was sad but those guys were great.
Robin's News And Richard Simmons Visits. 12/13/1989. 7:10am
Robin went through some other stories but Richard Simmons showed up as Santa. Richard was yelling and saying hello to everyone when he came in. He had to go over and hug Robin but she told him to get away from her. Howard told him he smelled like a Romanian Washer Woman. Richard said he didn't have any fragrance on though. He gave Robin some gifts that he got her for Christmas. He showed her some dolls that he found for her. Howard told him he shouldn't have done that.
Richard came over to Howard and told him about the gifts he got for him and about working at FAO Schwarz helping out there. Richard got a doll for Howard's daughter and said it was a very rare limited edition Barbie doll.
Richard said he was upset about what Howard had done with Leona earlier this morning. He didn't get into too much detail because he was busy showing off more of the gifts that he got for his daughters. Howard asked him if he was nuts. Howard told him he was going to get him something for his dog since he had gotten him stuff for his kids.
Howard told Richard to put on his man voice instead of that effeminate voice. Richard did that a little bit but quickly got back to his regular voice. Howard put Richard's voice into the harmonizer to lower it a bit. Richard wanted him to take it off but he refused. Richard stopped talking so Howard took the harmonizer off for a few seconds. Richard started to talk so Howard put it back on.
Howard asked Richard if he's a virgin or not. Richard didn't want to go there so Howard said he was going to go to break. Richard complained about the belching guy he heard earlier in the morning because that's what he woke up to. Howard told Richard that one of the dolls he got looked like an AIDS baby or an alien. Richard got upset about that so Fred played some baby crying sound effects. That made Richard laugh. Howard thanked Richard for the stuff he got for his kids and said he wanted to call them to have them thank him personally.
Howard asked Richard a personal question which made him start to walk out of the studio. Howard called him back in and asked him about his short shorts and goofed on him about that. Howard had to go to break so he gave Richard some plugs and told him to stick around. Richard was laughing his ass off at the picture of Howard that was on his U.S. Open Sores video tape. He said it was so touched up. Howard told him to take his gifts and get out of there when he said that. Robin told Richard that it was untouched but he didn't believe it.
Richard spent some time talking about these Barbie dolls he got for Howard's kids and said he's had them since he was a little kid. He said he had the dolls before the GI Joe dolls even came out. Howard went to a break but the commercials were cut out for Master Tape Theatre.
Howard had his wife Alison on the phone so she could have the kids thank Richard for the dolls. Emily got on the phone and Richard told her about the doll. Howard told her to say thank you to Auntie Richard. Richard told him to take it back or he was going to walk out. Howard took it back and Richard got a thank you from Debra, who was only 3 years old. Emily got back on the phone and said she was going to sing a song for Richard. She started to sing and Richard said it was very cute.
Howard asked Emily to sing another song for them. She went right into another song that she sings in the car with him. It was a Debbie Gibson song that she knew the lyrics to. Richard said that was his favorite Debbie Gibson song. Richard wished her happy holidays and told her not to eat any candy. Alison got back on the line and Richard told her that Howard was being very insensitive to him. Howard said he wasn't and he had the guys bring in a gift for him.
Richard didn't like the gift they got for him. They had given him some Big Black Stud magazine. He said he was just kidding but Richard was upset over the whole thing. He started to laugh a short time later though. Howard was showing Richard some of the men in the magazine and claimed that Richard was looking. Howard showed him one picture of a woman who was enclosed entirely in rubber. Richard started laughing so hard he wasn't even able to speak.
Richard told Howard about Cindy Adams being on Larry King's show the night before. He said that he didn't think that what Leona did should have gotten her jail time. He said that they shouldn't send a woman that age to jail. They spent some time on the Cindy Adams thing and Richard said he wanted to call her and talk to her about what she said. Howard said he would give Richard her number and let him talk to her since she'd probably hang up on him if he called. Howard went to break a short time later.
Beavis and Butthead Come In. 12/13/96. 8:45am
The creator and voices behind Beavis and Butthead, Mike Judge, came in to promote the release of Beavis and Butthead Do America which will be released on December 20. Mike...err... Beavis and Butthead talked to Howard for a while making jokes and doing their usual stuff. Mike's voice gets beat up pretty good when he does the Beavis voice so he kept choking and coughing through the whole interview. Howard gave him a break by talking to him as ''Mike'' instead of Beavis and or Butthead. Howard talked to Mike about the merchandising of all of the different Beavis and Butthead toys, after shave and other crap. Crackhead Bob hung out in the studio during all of this so of course Beavis and Butthead goofed on him a bit.
In the clip Howard was about to call Jackie's wife Nancy to find out if she's ever slept with a black guy. Howard called her and after a couple of tries he got through. Nancy was working on paying some bills for Jackie.
Howard asked Nancy if she has slept with any black guys. She said they didn't sleep. Howard asked Jackie if he knew that. Jackie told him to get Dominic Barbara on the phone. Jackie said he may have asked her about that years ago and didn't ask ever again.
Howard said Nancy had a dream about him once. Jackie said he knows it was at least once. Howard said she's horny for him. Nancy said she's horny for everyone. Howard asked if she remembers what the black guy looks like. She said she didn't. Howard asked how they ended up together. Nancy said it was a friend of a friend kind of thing.
Howard found out that Nancy had sex with the guy on the lawn at someone's house. Howard asked if he just got up and left. Nancy said she doesn't really remember. She said they may have passed out and just got up. Howard thanked Nancy for telling them that story.
Howard asked Nancy if she's ever done that with Jackie. She said they have done it a couple of times. Howard told her she can go back to bill paying now. Howard asked if had very dark skin. Nancy said that he was a football player so he was a pretty big guy.
Nancy said that she can be attracted to just about anyone. She said she's most attracted to Jackie of course. She said that Gary and Fred are attractive too. Gary said he knows he's not that attractive to her. Nancy said that she's more attracted to Jackie than anyone. Howard said he thinks she's more attracted to him than Jackie. Howard said it's the black man first and then him and then Jackie. Howard said he's very close to the black form.
Howard said he can't imagine the losers in Gary's wife's past. Gary said there haven't been any black men. He said that there's nothing wrong with that but she hasn't been with any. Howard said white guys are very uptight about that. Fred said he doesn't want to know about who his wife has been with. Jackie said it's good he doesn't talk to her then.
Howard said he wouldn't have a problem with it. Robin said that's because it hasn't happened to him. Howard asked Robin about the guys she's been with and who she enjoyed most. Robin said she has both black and white in her top 5. Robin said only one of them is white. Robin said they're all great though.
Howard asked Fred for his wife's number so he could call her. Howard said she might be busy working as a waitress right now though. Howard made the call and got Fred's wife Alison on the line. Howard said he's not sure she'll be honest.
Howard got Alison on the phone and she wasn't listening before that. Howard told her what they're talking about. Howard asked her if she had ever slept with a black guy. Alison paused and said yes. Fred played the sound of a body hitting the floor. Howard said they were just wondering. Howard said Fred had no idea about that. Alison said he knows a little bit about that one. She said he was a friend of hers. She said he was someone she knew from high school. Alison said they were friends and it was just one of those things.
Howard asked if she ever thinks about the black guy. She said no and she said it was just one time. Fred said it was jungle fever. Jackie said it sounds like Jungle Favor.
Alison said that things get weird for a while and you just stop talking to people. She said she couldn't figure it out. Howard asked if she did it on the lawn like Nancy did. Alison said it was a friend's house. She said it was in a bed at a party. She said it was good too. Howard asked if it was better than Fred. Alison said it was interesting. Howard said he'd imagine it's better than Fred. Alison said she was young at the time so anything was interesting.
Alison said that Fred talks down his stuff but he's more than average. She said he's well endowed. Howard said Fred is in his book and it looks like a button.
Alison asked if he knew about this. Fred said he did know about it. He said she told him about it early on but he figured it was best coming from her.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Alison and then Jackie wanted to call Gary's wife Mary. Gary said he'll check with her but he's not sure she'll want to call in about this subject. Howard said he doesn't care and told him not to bother. Gary said he has to see what she's up to.
Comedian Jim Florentine Comes In. 12/13/01. 7:20am
Comedian Jim Florentine, who does the hilarious phony phone calls on his ''Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 2'' CD, came in to tell a story about getting in trouble for one of his phone calls. He said that he'd gotten a call from a credit card telemarketer who wanted to transfer $12,000 to his bank account. He made up a story about how he'd just run over an old lady and he was trying to figure out if it would be cheaper to take the money from the credit card company or just to kill the old woman. The telemarketer hung up on him and an hour later the cops showed up at Jim's door. Jim said the cops asked him how old he was. He said he was 37 and they said ''Aren't you a little too old to be doing this?'' Of course he is.
Howard played a couple of Jim's funny phone calls including one where he accidentally drowns his grandfather in the bathtub while he's on the phone with the telemarketer.
Howard and the guys also spent a little time talking to Jim about his hot girlfriend. She apparently has no problem showing her private parts to people she barely knows. She'll also let people feel her breast implants in public. Stuttering John got both of those things. He said she pulled down her pants and showed her private parts and then pulled them down again to show off her piercing.
You can listen to some of Jim's phony phone calls and order his CDs at JimFlorentine.com
In the clip Robin brought up Christmas displays and that led to Howard talking about how he doesn't get that. Robin said she doesn't get it either. Robin read a story about a couple that decorated their lawn with dismembered Barbies and a big, bloody Santa holding a knife and a head. Howard said that's just wrong. Howard said it's like people who put bumper stickers on their car that have political statements on them. He said that you never know who is going to be offended by it and chase you home to kill you. He said this Christmas display is an even bigger kook. Howard said they have to be so starved for attention. Robin said they must have to be the king of the neighborhood by doing that.
Artie said this is like those people who get way into Halloween and have coffins in their yard and things like that.
JD's Drama Club Stories. 12/13/06. 7:30am
After the break Howard said that he was shocked when he heard that JD talked about being in Drama Club when he was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He asked the guys for the clip but George Takei said that he could believe it and he knew who they were talking about.
Howard played the clip where JD tells Jon Hein about being in Drama Club and how he played the lead in the play of ''Get Smart'' they did in school. He was explaining how he got the nickname ''Cheesy'' to Jon and Gary and cracked himself up while no one else was laughing.
JD came in so Howard said he was surprised that they did a ''Get Smart'' play in high school. He asked JD to do his Maxwell Smart character but JD had never seen the show so he didn't know what to do. Fred did his impression of JD playing the part and goofed on him a little bit. JD said he would never do a play again.
Howard asked about the Cheesy line so JD repeated the horrible story again which led to everyone doing their impressions of him. JD talked about the play he did and said that he had a shoe phone and all of that stuff. He didn't remember all of the details about the play and couldn't even remember who played Agent 99.
George asked why he was in Drama Club if he wasn't that interested in acting. JD said it was something to do. He said that one of his teachers thought he would be great in the play so Howard said he spoke to the teacher and he spoke just like JD.
Artie said that he got kicked out of a class in school and ended up taking Oceanography. He said the final exam was to identify these fish and he ended up leaving the answers blank. The teacher would give them an extra credit answer about TV shows. His question was about how many doors Agent Smart goes through at the start of the show. He missed it by one because the teacher counted the car door. Artie said he got a -10 on his final for Oceanography because he even missed that easy question.
Howard said that he's a student of television and knows that it was 7 doors that Agent Smart goes through. Robin said that would be a ridiculous question to get points for on a test. Robin said it's really not important. Howard said that you have to learn the powers of observation so it could help someone out in business. Robin thought he was full of it talking about that nonsense.
Mammary Lane: Scott Salem Twilight Zone - December 13, 1994. 02/15/12. 10:30am
Next on Mammary Lane they played a segment from 1994 when Howard talked about a Twilight Zone script for Scott the Engineer.
In the clip Howard was talking about Scott the Engineer's toupee and how they have it sitting on their OJ Mask in the studio. That led to him talking about how he's writing a script that will be the Twilight Zone where a guy's toupee comes to life.
Howard talked about what that would be like. Howard said he might have Scott play himself in the bit. Howard said that whoever has the toupee on their he ends up becoming a loser. Howard said that each person who gets the wig gets their personality sucked out of them each week.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott and goofed on him for a couple of minutes. Robin told Howard that Scott isn't talking to her. She said she said hi to him this morning but he didn't respond. Gary told Howard what Scott has been complaining about lately so Howard and Fred did their impressions some more.
Howard said he really does want to write this Twilight Zone thing. He said he pitched the idea to FOX and they told him there was no way he could find an actor to play someone that miserable. Robin said Scott would have to play the part himself.
Howard and Fred did more of their impressions and made Scott's ''Chhh'' sounds. Howard said he has an idea for a scene where he's doing ''Hands Up'' and his hair flies off and lands on someone else's head. He started to sing ''Hair Up'' instead of ''Hands Up.''
Howard said he has another scene where Scott is on a fishing expedition and the hair gets stuck on a fishing line and ends up on a kid's head. Howard said the kid ends up having a miserable life of his own. Howard said he has another scene where Scott is in a restaurant and he sneezes and his hair lands on the waiter who ends up poisoning everyone.
Howard said they say that Robert De Niro is a great actor but even he wouldn't be able to play the part of Scott. Gary said he can put on 80 pounds for a role but he can't play Scott. Howard goofed on Scott about the work he has to do there and how much he complains about it.
Gary told Howard that King of All Messengers is on the phone. He said he has a new shtick he's doing where he calls into shows around the country because he has satellite that he can see all of these shows. Howard picked up on King and kept doing his impression of Scott. Howard had more ideas for Scott's movie. He said that in one scene the wig blows off on to a blind woman's seeing eye dog that ends up going crazy and biting everyone.
Howard kept coming up with ideas for this movie. He said he has like 85 pages of scenes for it. Howard had another one where he said that Scott loses his wig to a clown midget and the midget goes around punching everyone in the nuts.
Howard said Scott has to tell the cops that it was his hair causing the problems. He said maybe it can be an E! special. Robin said he'd have sequels if he made it into a movie. Gary said that the best art will be when Scott has to cut this up for Best Of and he has to listen to it all and edit it.
Howard and the guys were coming up with ideas for the movie and said that his wig could travel through time. Jackie suggested that the wig was actually Hitler's moustache.
Howard asked King of All Messengers who he called. King said he called a fire marshal during an interview. He played the call for Howard. King called in as Steven Grillo and asked what's being done to protect the firemen with gear and if they think that Howard Stern is the hottest thing on the planet. The host had no idea what he was talking about. They hung up on him and moved on.
King had another call he made to a show where they were talking about snow removal. King got on and mentioned Robin Quivers and some other names as roads and then asked if they could say ''Baba Booey.'' The host wasn't sure what he was asking. King kept asking if he can say Baba Booey. The guy eventually repeated it but they hung up on him a short time later.
Howard told King he's a nut. Howard asked if the host was an Indian guy or something. King said he is. He said that's why he thought it would be funny to hear him say Baba Booey. Howard wrapped up a short time later.
Win Fred's Money With Pete, Kendra Jade And Jeremy. 12/13/00. 9:15am
We had another couple of rounds of Win Fred's Money today. This guy Pete came in to try and win the $10,000 prize. Pete has a masters from Harvard so he's a pretty smart guy. Howard quickly got to the game where he asks the guy 7 questions in one minute. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Porn star Kendra Jade was at the studio and she thought she could beat Fred so Howard let her come in. She was supposed to be in to talk about her experience with the winner of Butt Billionaire from a few weeks back. That guy never showed up so there was no story. Howard asked Kendra all of the questions and she got a perfect score.. of zero correct. You can try to be in one of Kendra Jade's pornos.. Visit her web site KendraJade.com to find out how.
Howard heard that Pete's 11 year old son Jeremy was a smart kid so he had him compete against KC in a quick quiz. He asked the following questions:
No one believed that KC could have come that close to winning so they threw together another quick game to see if it was a fluke. Here are the 6 questions Howard asked:
Richard Christy's Frozen Ham Gift. 12/13/07. 8:00am
Howard let Andrea go and was about to go to break but Artie mentioned that Richard Christy brought in a ham for everyone. Howard said that Richard said that he got the ham in the mail a few days ago and he wasn't sure if it was good but he brought it to work anyway. The ham came in the mail and he left it in his office for two days. Artie said that he won't eat anything that has been in Richard's house.
Howard told Richard he can't leave a ham on his desk for 2 days. Richard said that didn't happen. He had it on his desk for an hour and a half. He said it came to work on Tuesday, it was frozen in a box and he let it sit on his desk while he finished work. He said it came about 1 and he left at about 5. It was frozen and packed in ice.
Will said that it was packed in a garbage bag. Richard said that's not true and Will is just trying to get him riled up. He said that people are out there enjoying it this morning and Will is trying to ruin it. Artie said that there's no way that he's eating anything that has gone through his house.
Howard said that if people get poisoned because he didn't treat the meat right, he's going to be in trouble. Mike Gange said that the middle of it is still frozen so he must have treated it right. Richard said he put some of it in a microwave to defrost it for the people who wanted it. The guys told him that wasn't the way to defrost a ham though.
Howard said he doesn't trust anything that goes through his apartment either. Richard was going to have a masseuse come in instead but that was out of his price range. He also didn't want to interrupt the show. Richard said he had some turkey out there for the Jews too. Artie wondered why their writers don't have enough money for a masseuse but Tim's assistant can buy a $700 jacket.
Howard read some notes from the Honey Baked Ham web site where they give serving suggestions and say that it should be warmed in an oven if it's warmed at all. They don't recommend heating it in a microwave.
Howard said that Richard tried to do something nice and thanked him for that. He said he had to move along. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he does his shopping and that led to him talking about how Jackie gives lobsters. Howard said he's done with that. Jackie used to bring them to his house and Howard would stay in the basement and not come up to talk to him when he dropped them off.
Gary said Howard told him he hated when people give him certain gifts and that year he gave him that gift. Howard said he appreciates what people give him. He said he doesn't worry so much about what people think. He said he likes pens so he is getting people pens for Christmas this year.
Howard said he spends a lot of money on Jackie. Howard asked if Robin does. Robin said no. She said he's an afterthought. Robin said she got him food. John said she got him food too so he must be an afterthought as well.
Gary said they were wondering if they got anything from Fred last year. Howard said he thinks he got something for everyone last year. He said he always gets his agent a gift. He said he never likes anything he gives him though. He said last year he gave up. He said he was in an emotional upheaval and he had too much pressure on him. He said he has only gotten him one gift that he liked. Robin said he used to rave about the gift baskets she gave him. Howard said Don told him that he doesn't think they're good gifts.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked if he could get a Playstation 2 from him. Howard said he'll give him one. He said that he just asked and he will give him one.
Stuttering John told Howard that his assistant called and asked what he wanted for Christmas. Howard said he doesn't want her doing that. He didn't know she was doing that.
Robin Preparing For Her New TV Show. 12/13/04. 7:10am
Howard said that his friend Ross told Gary that he was walking down the street the other day and saw Robin out on the street with a camera crew. She was handing something out about the diet she was on, The Master Cleanser. Howard said that he once tried that horrible drink that she used to drink and it was horrible. Robin said that diet saved her life. She also said that she was out on the street creating some stuff for her new show so they can push it when they go out to Vegas for the NATPE convention. Howard said they were trying to get people to drink that crap for her show but he doesn't get that. Robin said it was just a bit they were doing and a lot of people actually liked the taste of the drink. Gary came in and said that Robin was taping what her day is like in the halls there at the station. Robin said that they were just getting some extra tape to throw in for the show. They had her talking to her news intern and to Scott the Engineer who she never talks to. That led to the guys asking Robin if she even knows her intern's name. She does know one name, Erica, but not the second intern she has. Robin said they're not even going to use the audio from the tape for the show, they're just going to have the video playing to show her talking with people. Howard and the guys were goofing on Robin about all of that stuff. Howard wondered if Mr. X will be in this show or not. She said he won't but there are some other people in her life that will be interviewed for it.
In the clip Howard asked Gary to give him a number for someone at Scientology. Howard got the number and made the call. He got a hold of a guy and asked some questions about what Scientology is. Howard said his sister-in-law met a guy who brought her to see a movie and they hooked her up to some wires while she watched. Howard said they didn't want to let her out of the place but she insisted so they let her go.
Howard asked the guy who they pray to. The guy said he had to answer a phone call. He put Howard on hold and then hung up on him. Robin said she thinks that someone called and told him to hang up on him. Howard said he's sure it was just a disconnect. Howard said he has to get through to the guy. He tried calling again.
Howard called again but the guy wasn't picking up. Howard said he's not going to call then. He tried calling someone else. Howard actually called the same guy and said he thinks they got disconnected. The guy said he did that inadvertently. Howard said he knew it. Howard said Robin was saying bad things. The guy on the phone asked if he could forward him to someone else. Howard said that's fine. He got transferred to someone else.
Howard got the next guy and told him he's on the air. That guy said he probably wants to talk to his supervisor. He put Howard on with his supervisor. This time it was a woman. Howard asked if her name was Ellen Ron Hubbard. She said it wasn't. Howard asked what this is all about. She said that the religion is kind of about science and they do believe in god. Howard asked if L. Ron Hubbard is god. She said he's not. She said that he came up with the philosophy of Scientology and Dianetics. She told Howard what Dianetics is all about and Howard said he thinks it sounds like Catholicism. Robin didn't think so.
Howard spent a little more time talking to the woman about what the differences are between this and other religions.
Howard asked why they didn't let his sister-in-law out of the movie they were showing her. The woman said that it sounds like maybe the door locked behind her and she wasn't able to get out. Howard said he hasn't heard the name of God in this. The woman said that it's pan denominational. Howard said it seems to be mostly Jews who get into it. The woman said that they have the largest population of Jews in New York. She said that would make sense there. She said they have other religions practicing Scientology though.
Howard asked about the wires his sister-in-law was hooked up to. She told Howard that's called an E-Meter. She said it doesn't do anything but it helps the counselor find areas of trouble in your life. She said it reads just below the person's awareness level. Howard asked if it's like a lie detector. She said that's not what it is. Howard asked if they pass the collection plate to pay for electricity. She said that's not it at all.
Howard said this whole thing sounds too wacky for him. Howard said he's not sure how L. Ron Hubbard dreamed all of this up. Robin said he was writing Science Fiction books and he may have been drawn into some of his own fiction. Howard said he has to get this woman out of there and get her deprogrammed. Howard said her parents must be upset she's stuck in there. She said they're really not. Howard said he likes this woman. He said she's a good spokesperson.
Howard said he wishes this woman was coming to their topless Christmas party. She said she didn't get an invitation.
Howard said this thing sounds more like a cult than a religion. Howard said they strap you into a chair and won't let them leave. Howard said other religions are just as wacky so why not just stick with those?
Robin asked what was wrong with this woman before she got involved. She said nothing was wrong but she was looking for more of a spiritual awareness. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 38 now. She told Howard that she met her husband in the church too. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that a science fiction writer could come up with something like this.
Howard said this woman sounds so cute and he has to kidnap her and get her out of there. Howard said he might have to tie her to a bed and yell at her. He gave her an example of what that would sound like. Howard said he could start his own religion called Sternanetics. Howard said he'll show them movies and tie them to chairs and make them watch.
Howard asked the woman to put him through to the black guy he was talking to earlier. She said that was the night watchman actually. Howard said he wants to talk to that guy. The woman said that Howard is very irreverent. Howard said he knows. He said he's sorry about that since he knows that she put a lot into this.
Howard said this is just guys making up philosophies. He said no one knows anything. He said he was upset when Jim Jones ran out of Kool-Aid. Howard said that he could have taken out a lot of other kooks.
Howard said the woman sounds happy and he doesn't mean to make a mockery of her religion. She told Howard that they do have all of the criteria for a religion. Howard said he knows that. She said they do cover the 14 points of what a religion is in the eyes of the IRS.
Howard said he understands that this woman is into that. He said he prays to his ratings. He said that she has to pray to whoever she prays to. Howard said that no one can ever really explain what this is. The woman said they have services every day. Robin said that's insane. Robin said it shouldn't take up more than an hour a week. Howard said it sounds like a pain in the ass. Howard thanked the woman for talking to him and said ''L. Ron Hubbard bless you.'' Howard said that they must have something they say to each other to greet each other. She said it's just ''Hello.'' Howard said it has to be something else. Howard said it's ''Boogie til you puke'' or ''Da Do Ron, Ron, Ron, Da Do Ron, Ron.'' The woman said they really don't have anything like that.
Howard said that he's going to start a Larry King religion and say ''143 arrivederci'' or something like that. Howard said they have to have some kind of saying.
Howard spent a little more time talking to the woman and then said he had to do commercials. Howard said they used to advertise Dianetics on his station but they stopped when he made fun of Scientology. Howard said that this woman was a lovely woman and he likes that she doesn't get annoyed. Howard said he still thinks she has a line that she'll say before hanging up. He said maybe it's like ''Beam me up Moses.'' Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard asked why he's paying taxes in this country if they let any nut start a religion and not pay taxes. Howard said the IRS has to step in at some point and put a stop to this. Howard said there are millions of dollars being held back from the government. Howard said they should make all religions pay taxes. Howard asked if Mr. Wizard is the pope for Scientology. They wrapped up a short time later.
Winter Intern Beauty Pageant 2000. 12/13/00. 7:45am
Howard prepared for the Intern Beauty Pageant by introducing all of the judges. First up was garbage man King of all Blacks who hasn't been on in quite some time. Howard spent about 15 minutes learning about how to tip your garbage man. King said that he can rake in about $3000 at this time of the year from all of the tips he gets. He said a nice tip to give your garbage man is about $30 each. King also told us about the different types of garbage out there. He said that the Jews have very neat garbage but it's also very heavy. He doesn't know why it's so heavy though. He told us that the Blacks and Spanish have the worst garbage because they don't use any liners in their cans. They just dump everything from soup to whole turkeys in there.
Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf was also one of the judges. He was dressed in a Santa suit and as soon as Howard got to him he said he had to go to the bathroom. Howard sent him out while he introduced the next judge, Ralph.
Ralph was apparently banned from the show for some reason but Gary figured he'd be a good judge for the pageant. Gary and Ralph started arguing about why he's banned from the show. Gary said that he's always a headache and no one wants to deal with it anymore. One of the reasons he's a pain in the ass is was that he refused to let a phony phone call made to him get played on the air. Ralph told Gary he's got some things going on in his life and he doesn't want it aired. Stuttering John came in and started bad mouthing Ralph also but Howard was getting sick of it. Beetlejuice came back in so he moved on to him again.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Beet about the movie ''Bubble Boy'' he was shooting out in California. Beet was kind of upset when they sent a camera crew out there to interview him. Howard asked him about that and Beet said that he wasn't able to concentrate on his work when the crew was there. That's why he was so upset. Beet said that shooting the movie cost him $4000 for some reason. Doug Goodstein came in and said that the rumor was that he'd spent the $4000 on prostitutes. Ralph said Beet really stunk this morning from alcohol and cigarettes. Ralph said to Beet ''You want a piece of gum?'' and Beet came back with ''You want a piece of me?'' and asked him to step outside so he could take him down. Ralph just laughed it off.
After taking a break Howard got to the Pageant. Here are the contestants and a short description of their appearance:
SNL On Stern: Eddie Murphy. 12/23/11. 8:55am
Next up they played an SNL clip featuring Eddie Murphy. Then we heard from Norm MacDonald about how he turned it into a one man show. He said he was only a kid at the time too. Norm said they probably all owe Eddie for keeping that show going back then. He said if you look back at what you thought was funny at 19, it wasn't funny. With Eddie it is funny though and he was only 19. He said you'd think you'd have to be 40 or 50 to have that life experience.
They played a Stern Show clip from December 13, 1984 when Eddie Murphy dropped by the show. Howard had Eddie come in but he said he can't stay long. Howard said he loves that Eddie is getting big but he still drops in to say hi to his pal Howard. Howard said that he has his new movie ''Beverly Hills Cop'' out now. Howard said he feels good for him.
Eddie told Howard he heard a guy made a joke about him on Letterman so he ran down there, got on the show and sat in during the guy's segment so he ruined the shot. Eddie told Howard he had to run after that.
Eddie left and Janie the Cleaning Lady was out there bothering him so he called her in. Janie said he's cuter than he is on TV. Howard said he wanted to ask him why he got engaged. He said he should have done that.
Janie told Howard that she can't believe that she got to meet Eddie. Howard asked if that was him standing out there. Robin laughed and said that's not him. It was some other guy out there.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Janie about Eddie. They wrapped up a short time later.
Ozzy And Kelly Osbourne Come In. 12/13/02. 8:30am
Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne came in to promote Kelly's new album ''Shut Up'' which is out now.
Ozzy was out of it as usual and said he was out of his mind over all of the stuff that has been going on. He said the whole year has been extremely successful and sad at the same time. Howard said he never expected Ozzy to do the TV show at all. Howard asked Ozzy if he's sorry he got started with that show. Ozzy said he is kind of upset about that but he's just got lousy timing. Howard spent some time talking to Ozzy about Sharon's chemotherapy and why she's going through that. Ozzy said Sharon won't lye down and relax. Howard said that's what's going to get her. She needs to take it easy and deal with this cancer thing. Ozzy was a bit unintelligible as he described what was going on with Sharon. He was saying stuff that was hard to understand. Howard seemed to catch most of it though and responded to Ozzy. Ozzy said that Sharon is going to do some show for VH-1 and he thinks that she needs to forget about that and just relax.
Howard said he got an invitation from Ozzy for this New Years Eve thing where Ozzy and Sharon are going to renew their wedding vows. Ozzy said he knew nothing about it but Kelly did. She said it's their 20th anniversary and that's what Sharon wants to do. Howard said he'd go but he doesn't want to be on TV if they're going to tape that event. Kelly wasn't sure but said they might be taping it. Howard and Ozzy talked about how they want Sharon to take it easy so she doesn't kill herself by overworking. Howard said he's worried about Ozzy too because Sharon means so much to him. Ozzy said he's doing great but Howard said he's shaking like a leaf so of course he's no alright.
Howard told Ozzy that he just got an English Bulldog just like they have. Ozzy said they're great until they fart. Howard said he loves the farts though.
Howard brought up Sharon's interview with Barbara Walters but Ozzy brought up Greta Van Sustern and how she somehow got into their lives. Howard wondered what that was all about so Ozzy told Howard about how that all came about. Ozzy said Barbara Walters ended up getting pissed because Greta had Ozzy and Sharon on her show and she thought she was going to have an exclusive.
Howard asked Kelly about the comments she made at the concert last night. She just laughed when Howard asked her about the Billy Corgan comments. She told Howard some stories about him and why they don't get along. She also talked about her boyfriend and how her father doesn't want her having sex with him. Howard said he heard that Kelly has a wedding ring tattoo on her finger but she said it's not a wedding ring, and it's on her pinkie. It's just a pinkie ring tattoo.
Howard and Ozzy got back to Sharon for a little while and how she really doesn't deserve this in her life. Howard said she's really got to slow down. Howard said Ozzy knew something bad was going to happen when they went out to dinner months before Sharon was diagnosed with cancer. Howard said they were at dinner and Ozzy was saying that things were going too well and something bad was going to happen. Howard said he told Ozzy not to think like that but then a couple of months later they found out she had cancer.
Howard talked to Kelly about this boyfriend of hers and said he heard she's engaged. She says she's not but Howard told her not to get married so young anyway. Ozzy claims that he doesn't even remember meeting this guy.
Howard also brought up the time he saw Kelly at this concert and she blew him off. Kelly said she had a conversation with him and walked away, she didn't blow him off. Howard said she should have spent more time talking to him because he had his kids with him.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Kelly and Ozzy before wrapping up the interview. One guy said he saw Kelly doing coke but Kelly denied ever doing it. Another guy called in and told Ozzy what a god he is to him. Howard didn't want to hear that though so he told the guy to write a letter instead.
Leslie West of the band Mountain called in and asked Ozzy if it was true he said that he'd turned him on to cocaine. Ozzy came back with a quick ''yes.'' Leslie said that was pretty funny because it was Ozzy's road manager who had turned him onto the drug. Leslie also told a story about Ozzy taking a dump in a limo one time and trying to throw it out the window but the window was closed. Howard asked Ozzy if it was true. Ozzy said he doesn't remember, but it could be true. Kelly thought that was pretty rude to bring up stuff like that. Leslie had also said something about how you only have to listen to the first and last words of Ozzy's sentences to get what he's saying. You don't have to listen to the parts in between. Kelly thought that was pretty mean too.
Howard took a few more phone calls and talked about Ozzy's son Jack a little bit. Howard asked Ozzy if Jack is getting laid. Ozzy told him that Jack is getting some and he's walked in on him while he's had 3 girls in bed with him. Kelly wasn't talking about her sex life at all so Howard gave up on trying to get anything out of her. Howard wrapped up the interview and wished Ozzy and his family luck with everything.
Howard Talks To Leona Helmsley (Billy West). 12/13/1989. 6:45am
After the break Howard took a call from this guy who could belch in rapid succession. He was sucking in and burping over and over. Howard said he kinds of likes a regular belch instead of the way this guy was doing it. The guy said he could do that as well so he demonstrated how easy he could make that happen. Howard said he could take this guy even though he was hoping to have women coming in to belch. Things weren't working out this year though.
Howard told Gary to get Leona Helmsley (Billy West) on the phone so he could talk to her. He and Robin talked about her for a short time since she was in the news after getting sentenced to some jail time. Howard and Robin brought up some details about Leona and her husband and talked about the stuff they had read about in the news.
Howard talked about Cindy Adams backing Leona Helmsley in her court battle. She writes positive stuff about her in her column. Howard said they had Leona (Billy West) on the phone so he went to her but Billy was in his own voice so Howard hung up on him and told Gary to get Leona on again.
Leona was crying when Howard picked up the phone. Howard thought he was laughing but Billy put no his Leona voice and said that she was crying. Howard questioned ''Leona'' about her court case and tried to find out what that was like for her. Leona continued to cry and told Howard that Barbara Walters was there for her and so was Cindy Adams. She called Cindy a fat pig and said that she was just trying to get to her.
Robin asked Leona what she thinks it's going to be like in jail. Howard also asked her how things are going at home with her husband Harry. She was telling them how things will go in jail and how she's not going to bother taking a shower for the whole four years she's in there.
Leona said she felt she was being singled out while people like David Dinkins are getting away with the same thing that she got in trouble for. She said that maybe she should have run for mayor herself. Howard wrapped up with Leona a short time later and went to break.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:55am.
Today's Best Of The Week was over around 12:50pm.