|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how they are back live this morning. He asked Robin what they should do first. Robin forgot to turn on her microphone. Howard said they could weigh in the guys they weighed in before vacation. Gary said Tim wasn't there yet. Howard said Jason said Tim didn't fully step on the scale the other day so he doesn't know how that's going to work. Robin said Tim told them that the weigh in wasn't going to slow him down at all.
Howard said he'll have Jason come in. Howard said he was 265 pounds before Thanksgiving. Howard said he looks like he gained weight. Howard said he was doing pretty good and he was pleased with what he was doing. Howard had him get on the scale. He only gained 1 pound. Howard said that was a victory. Howard said he went from 265 to 266. Howard asked if he watched what he ate. Jason said he did on every day but Thursday.
Howard asked what JD did on vacation. Jason said he was in Florida visiting his mother. Howard had him come in to weigh in. JD came in talking and the guys started making fun of him immediately. Howard was doing his impression of him and said he had a Christmas song that he performed. Howard played that song and JD sings about how he ''Mu, mu, mumbles'' to the tune of Little Drummer Boy.
Howard asked what JD ate for Thanksgiving. JD said they had some Bob Evans stuff. Howard said he knew his mother wasn't going to make a regular meal. Howard asked if they have a stove. JD said they do but it's very small. He said he really didn't want to get into it. Howard asked if they're doing that bad that they don't have a kitchen. JD said he doesn't want to get into it. Howard kept asking questions but JD kept saying that he didn't want to get into it.
Howard asked if JD's mom and step-dad are in a community where they have food prepared for them. JD said it's not like that. Howard asked what he had for breakfast. JD said he stayed in a hotel. Howard asked if they're in a trailer. JD said he doesn't want to get into it and it's a really long story. He said he doesn't know what they want known or not. Howard asked if they have a hot plate. JD said they have a small oven. Howard asked if it's like a Barbie oven. JD asked if he can just weigh himself.
Howard asked if he can make eggs for breakfast. JD said he can. He said the oven is there and he can cook on it but it's just not huge. JD said they had a regular meal. He said they just ordered it.
Howard told JD to get on the scale. JD got on and came in at 207 pounds which was one pound more than he weighed in before vacation.
Howard said he can't wait to weigh Tim. JD said he was there. Tim came in and Howard said he was at 269 before vacation. Howard said he had his shirt unbuttoned. Howard said he can't fake this either. Tim was taking his pants off. Howard told him to keep them on and get on the scale. Tim said the jeans weigh 10 pounds. Howard told him to stand on the scale correctly. Tim was on the scale. He went to 263 pounds from 269 so he lost weight. Howard sounded shocked. Howard asked if he shit all over the bathroom walls to lose weight. Tim joked that's what he did.
Tim said he ran every day during vacation. He said that's how he got the weight off. Gary asked if Howard ruined his thanksgiving. Tim said he did. He said that he fucked him all up. Tim said that he knew he was going to have this ridicule on Monday morning. Howard asked if he had Bob Evans food. Tim said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard and Fred started doing their JD impressions again.
Howard said Jon Hein must have gained weight. Robin asked if he's a big thanksgiving guy. Jon said that his birthday was on Saturday too so it wasn't a good week. Jon got on the scale and came in at the same weight, 260 pounds. Howard said maybe it only goes up to 260. Jon asked what was up with Tim taking his shoes off. Howard said he's so embarrassed he has to take them off like he's in a beauty pageant. Jon said he had ice cream cake on his birthday. He said he's shocked he didn't weigh more.
Howard said he ordered one that you can keep a pen in so he can take notes. He said that he can keep a piece of paper in there too. Howard said he carries a briefcase around with him but it's more like a purse. Howard said he can get rid of the pad of paper he carries if he has this cover. Tim had one that he showed Howard. He said that it was a Targus cover. Howard checked that out but he didn't like it. Howard said it was a shitty case.
Howard told Tim that he'll get the one he gets. Tim said he ordered a bunch like he did. Howard said he will get the same one as he does. Tim said he probably will. Jon said he doesn't know about the functionality of that one. Tim said he has one coming that will be leather. He said this one he has is the best one so far. Howard told him to get a better one.
Jon and Howard talked about their Minis and how much they like them. Howard said he will save his old iPad for watching porn. Howard said he sees that his history is on there and he wants to wipe that off. Jon said he'll show him how to do that.
Howard said he had a whole list of things he wanted to see. Howard said he came home yesterday and he had no Homeland. He said he's not sure how his guy let that slide. Howard said he has no systems.
Howard said he saw an excellent movie. He said the one that will win for best actor is The Sessions. Jon said he thought John Hawkes was incredible. Howard said Helen Hunt looked great in the movie too. Howard said he saw Lincoln too. Howard said he just woke up from that. He said he told people in the theater that he dies at the end. Howard said some people looked at him like he was spoiling it. Howard said Daniel Day Lewis is really good but they should have made it a biopic. He said he and Beth went to the movie with Mary McCormack. He said he told Beth that he wanted Spider-Man to intervene. He said the first hour was him making boring speeches. He said the guy who wrote the movie is a playwright and that made sense. Howard said the movie looks great but it was really boring.
Gary told Howard what he heard about Lewis getting into the part way too much and not coming out of character. Howard said he really likes the guy as an actor but he's a freak.
Howard said the movie got good in the middle and it makes you realize how great the guy was. Howard said at the end of the day he couldn't wait for it to be over. Howard asked if anyone else saw it. Jon Hein said he did. He said he thinks Lewis will win an Oscar. Howard said no way. Howard said the movie was very flawed.
Robin said that it's the performance that counts for an Oscar. Howard said if you have ants in your pants then don't go see that movie. Robin said she heard good things about it. She said she wants to see it. Jon said the movie is 2 and a half hours long. Howard said they could have cut some things out of the movie. He said Lincoln would tell long stories and he'd put his head down wondering what he was doing there. Howard said if Mary wasn't there he would have left.
Howard said someone thought that they were trying to show that Lincoln was gay in the movie. Jon said they did show that he was pussy whipped. He said that was very clear. Jon said he liked Tommy Lee Jones in the movie too.
Howard said that it's good if Lincoln was gay and freed the slaves. Howard said that he knew what was going on. Howard said that Lincoln was better in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Howard said there was some letter that Lincoln wrote about thinking about sleeping with a man. Fred said there are stories about a soldier that slept in his bed whenever Mary Todd was out of town. Howard said he really thinks this should have been a biopic. He said it would be more exciting. Howard said he didn't like this.
Howard said the movie he liked was that Bradley Cooper movie. Howard cut himself off and said that the audio is off. He said he'd rather be sitting home.
Howard said he saw the Bradley Cooper movie and liked that. that one is ''Silver Linings Playbook.'' Howard said he had Asperger's in that movie. Howard said the other good one was ''The Perks of Being a Wallflower.'' Howard said that was really good. Howard said the movie that was awful was the new Twilight movie. He said that was the biggest piece of garbage. Howard said it's bigger than James Bond but it's awful. He said he loves vampire movies and he was hoping they'd get it right. Robin said it turns out to be worse. Howard said that the vampire turned Kristen Stewart into a vampire and they were having a great time. Howard said that she turned out to be stronger than everyone else. He said they change every rule about vampires. Howard said he was hoping that Lincoln would show up and kill them all. Howard said the whole thing is weird. He said they all look gay and they're all wearing lipstick. Robin said it's just dumb. Howard said nothing happens until the end and even then it's barely anything that happens.
Howard said the movie is so bad but it's making ridiculous amounts of money. Howard said the movie ''The Perks of Being a Wallflower'' is so good. He said that it's very much like a John Hughes movie. Howard said Emma Watson is in the movie and she's kind of hot. Howard said he feels creepy saying that she's hot. The guys said that she's in college though so Howard said maybe it's not so creepy.
Howard played a clip of Riley talking about how he prepares turkey for thanksgiving. Riley was slurring his words and speaking slower than usual. Riley was telling people how to carve a turkey. He explained how you take the meat off and put them in a pot with onions and peppers. Riley said you slow cook it down until the meat is tender. His speech seemed to be getting worse as he spoke. Riley was slowing down and almost sounded like he was falling asleep.
Howard said this is the best show yet. He said it's like cooking in slow motion. Howard said it might be time for Riley to call Bob Evans for food. Howard and Fred did their JD impressions again. Robin said JD acts like his family is famous and doesn't want to talk about them on the air. Howard said he thinks if they talk about this parents then the newspapers will be following them around. Howard went into his impression again and goofed on JD about how upset he gets when they talk about his parents. Howard said he acts like the story is going to end up in Page Six.
Howard played more of Riley talking about how to make his meals on Thanksgiving. Riley was going through all of the ingredients and how to prepare the turkey. Howard said he must have had turkey and the Tryptophan must have made him sleepy.
Howard said that was the Riley Martin show. Robin asked how he can justify saying that he could do 5 shows a week. He can't even do one. Howard said if he does them all like this then he can have 5 a week.
Howard played a clip from the end of Riley's show. Riley was even worse with his speech and Howard said he figured he was going to get better as it went along. Howard said he's a very serious guy at the end of his show. He said he always has a good ending.
Howard said he likes when Eron asks a regular question like everything is normal. Howard said he just plows ahead. Howard played a clip where Eron asked Riley about going into a hypnosis to recall all of this stuff. Eron asked if he will do it again in the future to gather even more information. Riley said no. He was slurring his words more.
Howard said he wants everyone on Howard 101 to listen to this and learn how to broadcast. Howard said he's doing this even though it's to the detriment of his own health. Howard played more of the clip and said that he wants a whole channel that sounds like Riley. Howard said you could tune in and feel good about yourself.
Howard said he was reading about how scientists think that we can survive on Mars. He said that we could send the people from Iran out there.
Howard said he was reading about Rich Little turning 70 today. Howard said he does celebrity impressions. Howard said he's so good that he's actually not there, this is Rich Little doing Howard Stern.
Howard said he wrote down everything that happened while they were gone. Howard said Madonna mooned people during a fund raiser for Hurricane Sandy. Robin said she's sure the people who lost their homes are really happy now.
Howard said he loves the Black Friday footage of people running to the stores to get their TVs. Howard said he sees fat people running into Walmart. He said that's the only day of the year that they run. Robin said their family life is so horrible that they run away from the family to shop.
Howard said he saw a Scores that blew up in Massachusetts. It turns out that it's not one of the actual Scores clubs. He said Ronnie told him that everyone just takes that name and uses it. Robin said she hopes all of the girls got out. She said it's like a zoo and hoping the animals get out.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that they stole the name supposedly. He said even on the local news they said it wasn't affiliated with the Scores in New York. Ronnie said 21 people got hurt in that explosion. He said that an employee of the club was responsible. Ronnie said that everyone on Twitter was asking what was going on and if he was going to do a benefit. He said he has nothing to do with Scores. He said he's a Rick's and Tootsie's man now.
Howard said Ronnie was down in Tampa for one of the clubs and he was on Bubba's show. Howard asked how he's doing. Ronnie said that Bubba's sister is keeping him in line and she's doing the show with him. He said they're all nuts down there. He said the studio is like a night club. He said that everything is wireless there. He said the microphones and headsets all work too. He said it's really cool. Howard said he's missed.
Ronnie said that Bubba is doing good down there and he's willing to come back there for free. Howard said that might happen if that's the case. He said free is the word around there.
Howard asked if he's friends with Hogan now. Ronnie said no. He said they're no longer friends. He said Bubba is upset about the whole thing that went down.
Ronnie said that the studio is really cool down there. Howard said Bubba was in the news over the David Petraeus case. Ronnie said that was going on while he was down there. Ronnie said they called for Bubba to be investigated over threatening to deep fry a Koran and that's what led to all of that. Howard said he thinks he's had enough Ronnie for now. He let him go after that. He said that Ronnie spent time with Bubba but he had no information for them.
Howard said that JD and Jason made up. Howard said they were finally interesting and then they ruined it by making up. Robin said she's not sure it will last. Robin said that the only one who has the right to tease JD is Will Murray.
Howard said he doesn't understand the whole Gaza strip thing and what's going on there. Robin said that they fight over this Gaza strip thing. Howard said the confusing part is that the Iranians try to fire missiles into Israel and then they're upset when they fight back. Howard said it's all a ruse to get the people not to be mad at their government and to get them mad at the Jews. Howard said that's what they were doing in World War II. Howard said that they blame the Jews for the power being out after starting a war.
Howard said that Chris Brown and Rihanna canceled a concert in Ghana because of the people there being upset that he beat up Rihanna. Howard said that's amazing to him because that's a place where they cut off women's clits. Robin said that she's ignoring those two now. She said they can't annoy her.
Howard said that Oprah is plugging the new Microsoft tablet but she still can't plug Sirius. Howard said he's still waiting for that to happen.
Howard said they put up the new Christmas tree at the White House. Howard said you'd think that he'd give up trying to pretend that he's a Christian. Robin said he is a Christian. Howard said he knows that. He was joking around.
Howard said between priests and Boy Scout leaders and now Elmo there's a pretty good chance that you'll get your asshole fingered by the time you're 16.
Howard said he read about Hector Camacho getting shot. He said he was a big deal. Robin said they had him on the show once. She said that he was totally out of it and wouldn't participate. Howard said he didn't remember that at all.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was very upset about the People's Choice Awards dissing him. Howard cut him off and told him to stop reading his question. Bobo stopped but he said they left Howard out for the best judge on the show. Howard said he must not be good enough. Howard said Bobo is irritating him today. Howard said he still hasn't decided if he will sign on with America's Got Talent. Bobo had one more thing. He said Beth looked stunning at the premiere of the Breaking Dawn movie. Howard said she did look good. He said that was nice of him to say. He let him go after that. Howard said Bobo is annoying him today.
Howard said he has such an itch on his back. He said he needs a back scratcher. Howard said he doesn't want Benjy scratching his back. He said it might be his shirt that's making it itchy. He said he's going to rub his back against a wall now. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he DVR'd the Rolling Stones special but he didn't watch it yet. Robin asked if he watched the Eddie Murphy tribute. Howard said he started but he didn't get through it. Howard said the ''Hey, you're so great'' thing doesn't work anymore. Howard said Eddie doesn't put any effort into anything anymore.
Howard asked if you had a choice of being in the Rolling Stones or in Led Zeppelin back in the day, which one would it be. Robin said she would probably go with Zeppelin. Howard said he thinks Ron Wood had that choice. Fred said he didn't know that. Howard said he has the article somewhere. He went through some of the stuff he had piled up there. Howard said didn't have it there in front of him. He said he thinks Ron Wood was faced with that choice. He said Zeppelin asked him to join and he called them a derogatory name. Howard said he will have to find the article.
Howard said he had an article about the Radio Hall of Fame award he didn't go to accept. He said he doesn't think of it as a real award. He said there was a whole bunch of articles about it. Howard said he doesn't think anyone tried to figure out why he actually didn't show up. Howard said they just attack him.
Howard said he assessed that this award is a bunch of horse shit and he didn't participate because it's a joke. He said he likes Wendy Williams but the idea that she'd get into the radio hall of fame before him is a joke. Robin said even she would agree with him on that. Howard said the whole thing is retarded and a joke. He said he's going to try to go out with some dignity.
Howard found the Ron Wood article and they say that he turned down the chance to join Led Zeppelin and he called them a bunch of farmers. Howard read through the article and said that Ron made his choice to join the Stones and that was probably the right thing to do. Howard said he likes Led Zeppelin but the Stones are cooler.
Howard said that the band One Direction is one of those bands that Simon Cowell put together. Fred said they're huge. He said they're massively huge. Howard said Fred just came to life. He said he must not have had too much Tryptophan.
Howard read about the meal that JD was talking about from Bob Evan's. Howard said they offer full Thanksgiving meals. Howard said you can order it online. Howard said they ask for one day notice for those meals. Howard and Fred did their JD impressions again.
Howard said Richard and Sal went out to interview some One Direction fans. Howard said that the girls just scream. Howard played the audio of the girls screaming and said that it cuts right through him. He said the one direction he's heading is away from those girls.
Sal asked the girls if they find Howard Stern sexy and the girls all stopped. They were saying ''No.'' They were asked if One Direction is more talented than the Beetles. They all screamed that One Direction was better. They were asked about a few other bands and the girls all said that One Direction was the best.
Howard said that they'll feel stupid in 5 years when they realize what they were listening to. Sal and Richard asked the girls if they would believe that the world was flat if one of the guys said so. They did. They were asked if they would kick a baby to get to meet the guys in the band. They said they would. The girls were all chanting the band member names so Sal would yell out Howard Stern and the girls would yell ''NO!'' Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard said that King of All Blacks and Big Black are there. He said that their show ''Black on Black'' is on tonight on Howard 101. Howard asked Gary to move Big Black's microphone lower because it was too close to his nose. He could hear his breathing.
Howard was trying to talk to the guys but they weren't able to hear anything on the headphones. Howard said he's so aggravated. He asked why these things aren't working. Gary said that they set the headphones the same for every guest and no one complains except King. Howard said not everyone wants the same level.
Howard said Big Black went to a good college but he stopped working. Big went to work for a while but now he doesn't leave his house except to do the radio show. Big said he went to a good school and even skipped a grade. He also said he worked for 13 years for the phone company. Howard asked if he had a girlfriend back then. Big said he didn't. He said he had one back in the 1980s. He said that it was good back then. He said he's starting to realize that he did pot back then and he thinks that it affected his ambition. King said ''yeah, that's what it was.''
Big Black said he hasn't touched pot in 10 years. He said all he does is watch TV and listen to Sirius all day. Howard said that sounds pretty good to him actually. Big said he doesn't have kids or even a dog so he doesn't have anything to take care of.
Howard asked Big Black what he eats. Big said he eats pasta and things like that every day. He said he had Vienna sausages for Thanksgiving. King said he had McDonald's for breakfast out there in the green room. He said it was a McGriddle and they have the M stamped on top of it.
Howard said Big Black is like a shut in. He said the only reason he does the radio show is because he needs a pay check. Big said he has a section 8 apartment and this job helps him keep it. He said that he can keep his unemployment going that way. Big said he doesn't have to pay taxes either. King asked how he gets money back if he doesn't put any money into the government. Big said they have a guy come take a look at his apartment and they tell him they'll give him the apartment for another year. He said he has it made. Robin asked how he has spending money. Big said he likes watching TV and stuff so he doesn't have a lot of expenses.
Howard asked where he gets money for food. Big said he goes shopping after the Black on Black show. Howard asked what they even pay him. King said he didn't want to talk about that. Big said he didn't either. Big Black said that they get a couple hundred a show. Howard said they're just about doing it for free. Big said they asked them to do it for free.
King said that Big Black wears the same clothes all the time. He said he must not have a clothing budget. Big said all he does is come up there and do the show and go home. He doesn't need more clothes.
Howard said he saw King's web site and it looks like he put some money into it. King said he did. He said he has t-shirts for $39.95 on there. Big said they look like the kind of shirts you wear at a gas station.
Howard asked Big Black if he survives on the money they get paid every few weeks. Big said he only needs about $100 a week. He said he has TV over the air so he doesn't have cable. He said he is a TV addict as it is. Robin said he hasn't seen shows like Homeland. Big Black said he would like to.
Howard asked if he has bad reception on the TV during storms. Big Black said it's bad during storms. He said he loves the shows on PBS. He gets all of the major networks too.
Big Black said he watches TV through his computer. King said you know that computer is beige. Howard asked if it's an old one. Big said he has a tower computer from HP. He said that he has a Commodore Amiga from back in the 80s too. King was laughing at him and goofing on him about all of that. King said he has a 27 inch Apple computer. Big asked what a PDF is. King said it's where you store your documents. Big said he has no idea what it is.
Howard asked Big Black how he watches TV on his computer. Big said he has an attachment that he hooks up with an antenna. Howard said that's crazy. He said he could have everything in life. He said he's a bright guy. Howard said he could go work at a fast food place and have money. Big said that he has applied and they wont even call him back.
Howard said that Big could be a store manager or something. Big asked if he really thinks he could. Howard said he does. Howard wondered where the girl is that had sex with Big Black. King mumbled something about her probably having a wide nose. Howard asked if that's an insult. King said it's not good when you see that as the first thing.
Howard and King were talking about manicures and pedicures. Howard said he went with Beth once and got them done and he liked the way they came out so he kept going.
Big Black said that at least he's not into 14 year old girls. King said that the girl he's talking about is 16, not 14. Big Black said that they did the math and found out that King met his wife when she was 15. King said that's not true. He said when he married her she was 19. He said he met her around 16 or 17. Howard asked how you meet a 15 year old. King said if she can bleed then she can be butchered. He said that was just a joke though.
Howard said the show is Black on Black. He said the show is going well. Howard asked if they want to do more shows. Big said that King wants to do more but he's fine with once every 2 or 3 weeks. Howard said he thinks that's a good spread.
Robin said Big Black doesn't have any ambition at all. Not even with the radio show. King said Big was saying he doesn't like to get close to people because they just die. Howard asked if he really doesn't like King. Big said he doesn't even talk to him off the air anymore. He said they used to talk but it was some bullshit.
Big Black said he only pays $2 a month for his land line and only $100 a year for his cell phone. He said he can text but it's not a smart phone. Howard asked to see the phone. Big said it was in his bag out in the green room. Howard had Gary bring it in. King said he never shows that phone to anyone. Big said he doesn't need a smart phone. Gary brought the phone in and King was laughing as soon as he saw it. Howard was making fun of it too.
King asked if he can talk his texts. Big said that he's just bragging that he can do it with his phone. King asked if he has a Motorola phone. Big said it is but they make a lot of phones. King said that's the kind of phone coaches have.
Big said that King laughs too much during their show. King said everything he does is perfect. He told him not to worry about that. King goofed on Big about the shirts Ronnie wears too. He said he looks like he's matching them up with the t-shirt and dress shirts. Ronnie said he doesn't like wearing t-shirts with his shirts. Howard said it looks kind of weird when he matches them up like that. Ronnie said that King isn't a fashion consultant. He said he doesn't have to listen to him.
Howard asked Ronnie if he buys his t-shirt with the dress shirt. Ronnie said no. He said he will try to match up the shirts in the store. Ronnie and King were going back and forth goofing on the other's clothes. Howard said Ronnie puts a lot of thought into his look. He matches his hair dye to his beard dye.
Howard said he has to wrap this up because he has Tom Cotter waiting out there. Ronnie said that he's much more important than these guys. King and Ronnie continued arguing about the clothing thing. King would throw out an insult and Ronnie would do the same back at him. Howard thanked them and tried to end the arguing. Howard kept saying ''thank you'' to Ronnie to get him out of there.
Howard said the show is Black on Black. He said he has never heard the show. He said it's all up to Tim if it stays on the air. Howard said he only listens to NPR. Howard asked Big Black what he watches on TV. Big said he likes Fringe and some shows like that.
Howard said now he's going to find out who is blacker. He asked ''Lil Wayne is a member of what street gang?'' Big said ''The Crips.'' He was wrong. Howard asked King ''How many times was 50 Cent was shot?'' King said 7. He was wrong, it's 9. Howard asked Big Black ''What was the name of JJ and Michael's sister on Good Times?'' Big said it was Thelma. He was right.
Howard asked King to give one name from the group Run DMC. King said ''Darrell.'' Howard asked what his full name is. King didn't know. Big Black knew all of the guy's names.
Howard asked who composed the soundtrack for ''Shaft.'' King didn't know. Big Black knew it was Isaac Hayes. Howard gave them one more question and Big Black ended up winning. He was the most black out of the two.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their show that's on tonight. Big said he wanted to do a Playlist show too. Big said he likes Prince, Diana Ross and The Supremes and others. Howard said he had to wrap this up. He said he'd love to see Big Black get a job and work. Howard asked if he misses the touch of a woman. Big Black said they can be too needy. He said Howard must know what that's like. Howard said Beth gives him his space so he has that time to himself.
Big Black mentioned that King used to beat his wife. King said he had some altercations but he didn't beat her. Howard asked Big if he beats off a lot. Big said he will pop a porn video in his computer. He said he likes watching black porn. He said he likes black on black action. King said he likes Spanish on black. Howard said they could talk about this all day. He wished them luck with everything. King got in a plug for his web site KingOfAllBlacks.com and Big Black said he has a YouTube channel as TheRealBigBlack. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and introduced Tom cotter who was on America's Got Talent and came in second place. Howard asked Tom what it's like to make that decision to go on America's Got Talent. Howard said he heard he didn't like Piers Morgan on the show so he said no way to that. Tom said that Howard and Howie are comedy friendly so it was much more agreeable to go on the show. He said he made it to the finals because of Howard, not because of Piers. Howard said he likes to think that more people would audition because of him. Tom said that Piers did not like comics and he would throw people under the bus too. He said he was worried about that too.
Howard said if they blow you off early that can really hurt. Tom said you have to dig out of that hole for years after that. Howard asked Tom if he would choose to be a stand-up comic if he had to do it all over again. Tom said he was scratching and clawing until this year. He said all of his friends have the nice cars and nice house with the white picket fence and he was struggling to do it. Howard said he was making $96 a week when he started out. He said a lot of his friends are too old to get out of the business. He said that the was lucky that he was successful. Howard said a lot of the clubs have dried up for comics. Tom said it used to be like rock and roll. He said karaoke killed it for a while. He said that he used to have work every night doing comedy but that didn't last.
Howard said Kinison was out of control but he was making it really big. Howard asked Tom if he ever tried heroin. Tom said he never did. Howard said maybe he should have. Tom said a lot of the big guys were screwed up like that. Howard asked Tom if he's screwed up. Tom said that everyone has their problems. Howard said he must have looked like a fuck up to his dad. Tom said he did. He said his dad went to World War II and he went to medical school after that. He said he wasn't a very good student. He said his dad wanted him to be a lawyer.
Howard said he saw Tom doing a rehearsal once and he did an amazing set based on the roll of the dice. Howard said he hoped that he'd do that set but he did another set and it was a great set too. Howard said he did a whole other act. Howard said he was really impressed with him. He said he has a lot of material. Tom said he's been at it for 25 years so he had better have a lot of material. Howard said he should be on the top of the world right now.
Robin asked if the show has made a difference. Tom said that he had a woman recognize him yesterday. She pointed him out to the police. Howard asked if he's on the America's Got Talent tour. Tom said he's doing that. He said that people really live Dittleman. Howard said he heard that Horse didn't like the sand artist. Howard asked Tom if he liked Joe Castillo. Tom said he is a very nice guy. He said that Horse must have a vagina because getting hit down there would still hurt your penis.
Howard asked if that bit bothered him at all. Tom said that act amazed him. He said he was glued to the TV screen. He said he would throw no stones at him. Howard said comics have such a hard job to make people laugh. He said that people did love Horse though. Tom said people really dug him. He said that he got the biggest response of the night when he was there at the audition.
Howard asked Tom if he was surprised he made it as far as he did. Tom said he was. He said comics had never gone that far. He said he thought going to the quarter finals was going to be his swan song.
Howard said the final two included Tom and the dog act. Howard said he thought that a band was going to win and the Earth Harp guy was really great. Tom said that Howie kept telling him to step it up and he did. He said he had no idea what to do to top that. He said he was up against all of that every week.
Tom said that he thought that Howard was going to shit all over him about the comedy on demand thing. Howard said he thought it worked well.
Howard said if he was a contestant he would try to fuck the dogs up with a dog whistle or something. Tom said they're a great act and they get their dog treats from Lance Armstrong. He said if it was Korea's Got Talent he's pretty sure they wouldn't have won.
Howard asked Tom about the first time he did comedy. Tom said he did an act at college and he made some jokes about the staff and he got disqualified. He said he lost to another dude in that competition and not a dog.
Howard asked Tom what kind of money he can make in comedy. Tom said this year is the best one for him so far. Howard asked if he didn't want to do AGT because of the crazies he had to stand in line with. Tom said he said ''screw that'' for 6 years until Howard got on. He said he didn't want Piers Morgan shitting on him so he didn't do it. He said he went for it when Howard got on the show. Howard asked if he was thinking about leaving the business. Tom said he wanted to get out of doing cruise ships. He said you're off the radar doing that stuff. He said you miss everything being on a cruise. He said it's decent money and he liked working for those people but he didn't want to do it anymore.
Howard said Tom was going voice overs too. Tom said he did voice overs for Doritos and some other products. He said he did them for Doritos Max and things like that. Tom said that all went away when he got out on the road. Howard asked about getting laid out on the road. Tom said his kids didn't want him going out on the road and he had a wife to go home to so he can't even get laid out there. Tom said you have to be out for 2 weeks of a the month at least.
Robin asked what they're going to do to maximize this whole thing. Howard said he needs a TV show. Howard said he has heard some rumors. Tom said we'll see what happens. He said they have been very nice to him so far. Howard asked if his wife is a stand-up comic too. Tom said she is and she goes out on the road a bit. He said that she has to stay home with the kids a lot since they have a 5 year old and two 10 year olds. Howard asked if she helps him write material. Tom said that she did help punch them up. Tom said that they were both on Last Comic Standing and she went further than he did. Tom said her name is Kerri Louise. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. Tom said she made him work hard. Howard asked if she dated other comedians. Tom said she did and he'd rather not discuss that.
Howard asked about the kind of support he got from the other comedians out there. Tom said he had a lot of people tweeting for him and he didn't expect it. He said he had friends who were supporting him too but there were some who he didn't expect.
Robin said that she didn't like the way Howard gave advice to that ventriloquist act. Howard said they asked if he had any advice for the guy and he did so he gave it to him. Howard said he knew what he was talking about and he got through. Robin said she always resented that. Howard said he would do that for any of the candidates. Robin said Tom did it all on his own. Howard said he's just trying to make the show interesting. Tom said he was a great dude. Tom said that the other contestants were great. Howard asked if the little kids were annoying. Tom said they were the same height as he was so that was a little annoying. He said their parents were a little annoying too. He said most of the people were nice though.
Howard said he was thinking about Tom and how he had a show on Comedy Central and how he must have thought that was the big time. Tom said there are peaks and valley's in a career. He said that he did the Tonight Show and he did get some calls after that. He said it was nothing like this. He said this is gigantic for him. Robin said she's so glad. Tom said he fucked a leprechaun and he's glad he did.
Howard asked about the dirty material he does. Tom said that he just did 4 shows at the Stress Factory and he opened up and let loose. He said there were some people at the shows who didn't expect it. He said they expected to see that guy they saw on AGT. Tom said that he used to do 10 minutes on having sex with a fat chick. He said he got rid of that a long time ago. He said that it can limit you if you keep it in the act.
Tom said he used to work with Joe Rogan and other guys and they were really filthy. He said Rogan stuck to his guns and stayed filthy. Tom said he was told to clean it up a little bit and he'd get more gigs. He said that's what he did.
Howard asked Tom what his take was on having sex with fat chicks. Tom said it was fun. He said fat chicks are like mopeds, they're fun to ride but you don't want any of your friends to see you on them. Tom said he had spoiled the room with those jokes.
Howard asked Tom if his wife had any headliners. Tom said she may have. Howard asked if he could say hi to his wife. Tom said she would love that. Howard asked the guys to bring Kerri in. Howard asked Kerri if she won on Last Comic Standing then why didn't she have Tom stay home and take care of the kids. Kerri said that he comes home from work and he can't take it for more than 10 minutes. She said she was very proud of him on AGT. She thanked him for liking him.
Howard said that he and Tom have the same agent and he had no idea. He said people thought that he knew but he really didn't. Howard said that his agent never told him and he wasn't working directly with him either. He said his agent came to him about 4 weeks in and even he didn't know. Tom said that there are thousands of clients with the Don Buchwald agency. He said his agent isn't Don, it's another guy who works for Don. He said they never did go with the story they were going to run.
Howard said Kerri is very attractive and he can see other comedians hitting on her like crazy. Kerri said it was mostly comedians because no one else would come on to her. She said that they met on a New Year's Eve show and she had a resolution not to date anymore comics. She said that Tom was normal and loyal and it took her a while to hook up. Kerri said it was 3 months. Howard said that's huge. Tom said that he was jerking off on her after the second week. Howard asked if that's true. Tom said he was just kidding.
Kerri said she was doing other stuff before the sex thing. She said that they did a thing with hot cocoa. She said that she read that if you get your mouth really hot then it's good for oral. She said that she would drink hot cocoa and she burned him. Howard asked if he really had burns on his penis. Tom said he didn't want to talk about it. Tom said you can't really improve on a mouth. He said it's good the way it is.
Howard asked when they had sex last. Tom said he was in Vegas so it's been a while. He said that he just got home a couple of days ago. He said they had the whole family there at home for Thanksgiving so it was tough.
Howard asked Kerri who the biggest headliner was that she had. Tom said this is going to make him very uncomfortable. Kerri said she kissed Colin Quinn. She said that she had broken up with Tom after dating for 6 years. She said that she just kissed Colin. She said that Colin is like a child. She said that she likes him but she loves Tom. She said she didn't want to break up with Tom but he wasn't asking her to marry him.
Howard said Kerri has a great body. Kerri said the third kid really messed it up. Tom said her tits are real too. Howard asked if they're a D-cup. She said they're a C but they're long. She said that her 5 year old son saw her and said ''Mommy, your boobies are really long.'' She said she needs a lift. Howard said they need a TV show together. He said they have a pretty strong dynamic.
Howard asked if she has stretch marks. Kerri said she doesn't but her belly remembers the twins. She said she looks 4 months pregnant when she's on her period. She said she needs a tummy tuck. She had the twins via C-section. She said that she had the 5 year old vaginally. She said that she shouldn't have done that but she wanted to see what it was like. Kerri said that when she sneezes or coughs she pees her pants. She said that's the problem with giving birth vaginally. She said she needs that operation to fix that. Howard said NBC just called and said they're giving a show to Kerri.
Tom said that on their 5 year anniversary they were going to try anal and he had to do the laundry and dishes for a week. He said that strap-on really hurt. Kerri said that it would take more than that to get her to do anal. She said that they did try it. Tom tried changing the subject to football.
Kerri said that Tom's penis is so big that it has angles and turns corners. Tom said he is bent a little bit. Howard asked if he has ever measured. Tom said he hasn't. Kerri said he can do a helicopter thing with his penis. She said he jumps up and down and spins it around like a helicopter. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard said he could have taken flight above the audience with that. Howard said he has nothing to spin. He said he jumps up and down and nothing happens.
Howard said he thinks that Tom should have won AGT. Howard said he loves the dogs but he would have felt better if a comedian had won. Howard said he wanted to find someone who could go to the next level and Tom was that guy. Howard said he thinks Tom should have won. Tom said those guys are great with the dogs and they're great guys. He said he has no bitterness at all. Howard said he's a good man with a huge cock. Howard asked why she would try to put it in her ass. Kerri said that was before marriage. Tom said he doesn't remember that so maybe it was with Colin Quinn.
Howard asked what the pressure to get married was about. Kerri said she wanted to have kids and they got started late. She said they didn't marry until 38. Howard said he gets that.
Howard asked Tom if he's cheating at all. Tom said with his hand he is. Kerri said that Tom could leave her right now with one of the girls that loves him from the show. Kerri said he should make her the trophy wife instead. She said that it's cheaper because she'll take him for all he's worth.
Howard got a picture of Kerri and said that she looks great in that shot. She said that was taken before the third child. It was after the twins though.
Howard gave Tom some plugs for some upcoming shows he's doing. He said you can find out more at TomCotter.com
Howard said Kerri has been there with Tom for a long time. She said she was even there for him when he was bald. Howard didn't know he was bald. Tom said he had hair plugs. Howard and Robin said they did a good job with that. Kerri said she likes it and thinks it looks good. Tom said it was 12 grand to get it done.
Howard said Tom and Kerri are a great couple. He congratulated Tom on his almost win. Tom thanked him for the support. Howard said he was glad he was there. He asked him to send him some naked pictures of his wife. Tom said he'll get right on that.
Howard asked Robin what they learned there today. Robin said they learned that Tom has a helicopter penis. Howard said they learned Kerri has a tight rectum too. Howard asked if any doody came out. Tom said he's glad her parents are tuning in to hear this today. Kerri said she hopes they never hear this.
Howard said Tom Cotter and his wife should have a TV show together. Howard said he's all for either one of them having a show. Tom said he'd stay home and be a bitch. Howard said he hopes he gets some kind of show. They went to break a short time later.
The caller said she loves Robin and she's so happy to hear her on the air. Howard said she's too healthy and arguing too much.
Howard thanked the caller for the call and let her go. Howard said he had to play this important announcement. He played a clip where they announce that they have a Most Beautiful Cock Contest coming up on the show.
Howard said he had a clip of a coach saying ''fuckers'' when he meant to say ''fighters'' during an interview on the field. Robin said she heard it as a flub and not as the actual word.
Howard said that Katt Williams had a meltdown on stage. Howard said that he got into a fight with an audience member. Howard played some audio of Katt going off on the guy in the audience. Katt was telling the guy to come up there on stage. Howard said he's not the biggest guy so he's got balls telling this big guy to come up there. Howard this reminds him of when he was growing up in Roosevelt. Howard let the clip play some more and Katt was telling security to take him back stage and he'll take care of business there. Howard said they dragged Katt off the stage after that. Howard said one of Katt's people came up and said that someone slipped him a Mickey. Robin said this is crazy. Howard said they hauled Katt off the show and this guy says that they slipped him something and now he's high. Another guy came out and said he was too high because he bought his stuff in Oakland. Howard said that's some crazy logic. Howard said they know those guys because they come in when Katt comes in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a new listener and this is his first call. He said he loves the show. He said he's kind of late to the show but the Mater Tape Theatre stuff was a great way to catch up. Robin said that's amazing that they're just now being discovered. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Howard said he has been working on a Jeanie reunion that was going to be a big film and now he'll never get to pitch the idea. Howard told Robin to tell him she wouldn't love to see that. He gave Robin some of the ideas he has for this movie. Howard said the bottle is all filled with cobwebs and Jeanie has aged horribly. He said she's still in that little outfit and Larry tries to shove her back into the bottle and she won't fit. Howard said the bottle gets stuck on top of her head for the whole movie. Howard said she has a giant stomach now and her harem pants fit a whole harem. Howard said he pitched it to the people who made the Twilight movies and they saw a lot of potential in it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could help Howard stop his penis from running. Howard said he has to shake the thing for like 5 minutes to get it to stop. He said he sometimes wraps a tissue around it but it falls off. The caller told Howard to reach behind his balls and press up and it'll shoot out the rest of the pee. Howard said that sounds like Spider-Man. He said that he just saw the new Spider-Man and he liked Emma Stone in it but they have to move on from that story where they tell you how Spider-Man got started. Howard said this job that the caller suggested sounds like something for Ralph. Howard said he might have to try it out right now. He said he doesn't like touching his penis when he pees. He uses his underpants to pull it out. Howard said he might have to try it right now. Gary said the wireless should work. The caller said he learned it from Dr. Oz.
Howard asked where he has to press. The caller said you press it right behind your balls. Howard asked Gary if he has ever tried that. Gary said no. He asked why he would. Gary said that you just jump up and down a little bit. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard asked if the headphones were going to work. Gary said they should. Howard tried going to the bathroom to pee and press his balls. Howard was trying to pee but he said it was hard with people listening to him. Howard said there should be times when they're apart. Howard asked the caller what his name was. He said it was Keith. Howard said he had to think about math while trying to pee. Howard said it's happening. He said there was no problem there. He said that this part works. Howard peed and said that math works for him. He said that's what helps get it started. Robin said she didn't know he had to go so bad. Howard said he didn't either.
Howard said he's about empty now. He made some noise and pressed on his balls. He sounded like he was in pain. Howard said nothing worked. He said his fingers smell. Howard said he can feel it now. He said it didn't work. He said he has to wash now. Howard said he thinks he slipped. Howard told Gary to come wash his hands. Howard said he has to pick up his pants with the microphone in his hand. He had to set it down. Keith was cracking up. Howard said he didn't get one dribble out of it. He said he feels a dampness in there. Keith said you have to be relaxed when you do it. Howard said he has to wash up now. He asked the caller what he does. Keith said he drives a hearse. Howard said he has a sink there that has a child guard on it so he can't get hot water. Howard said his fingers smell reasonable now. He said he's sure he has ball and ass juice on his hand though.
Howard came back to his microphone and said he is human and had to pee. He said that was a waste of time. He said he'll try it again at home. Robin said maybe he has to read up on it. Howard said Benjy just handed him something that says that you may have an enlarged prostate if that works. Benjy said he was just speculating on that. Howard said he'd bet that the caller just won 10 grand betting his friends that he could get Howard Stern to press his taint.
Robin said that Prince Charles is 64 years old and he's been waiting for that job the whole time. Robin said his mother just won't die. Howard said maybe he doesn't want it. Robin said he has said he does. Howard said maybe the mother will let him take over. Robin said she won't do it. Howard said Charles probably sits around all day pressing on his taint to get the pee out.
Robin said people are trying to get medical marijuana legalized in New York.
Robin said there was a woman who was kept from flying home to get medical treatment and she died. Now the husband is saying that he's going to sue over that. Howard said he sides with the airline on that. He said they do have rules. Howard said it's weird that a 400 pound woman goes to Hungary. Robin said that's where the woman was from. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Howard wondered if you press on the taint of a 400 pound woman if 10 pounds of pee comes out.
Robin read a story about the Casey Anthony case and how a cop is saying that he screwed up something in the case and didn't bring up one of the searches she had for ''foolproof suffocation'' in her browser.
Robin read about how congress is meeting over the fiscal cliff. She had some other news about the President as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been listening to the show for a couple of months and he hates that he hadn't been listening before that. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin had some audio of Barney Frank talking about David Petraeus. Howard said Barney has a great speaking voice and goofed on that for a short time.
Robin read about how tensions are high in Egypt over the new president that's trying to start another autocracy. Robin said he's saying that he is the guy and the courts have no power. Howard asked how he figures he's going to get away with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to give Gary a head's up about the snow that's coming tomorrow. He said that Gary might want to go home and watch the house. Howard said Doug might want to go home too. Howard said they have to be there to protect their homes. Howard said the trampoline could collapse. Howard goofed on Gary for a minute about how he had to be home for the big hurricane a couple of weeks ago. Howard said that Doug is already on his way home. The caller said he loves them just like those other callers. Howard went into another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Yasser Arafat's body being exhumed to check for poisons. Robin said some people think he was poisoned and killed.
Robin had a story about a lottery winner who has won a few times. The guy said that you shouldn't go out and spend money that you can't afford to spend.
Robin read about how retailers did on Black Friday. Robin said that today is Cyber Monday so millions of shoppers will be shopping today trying to score more deals. Robin said a lot of kids want Apple products for Christmas. Robin said that a lot of people will be buying those products today. Howard said he's so busy with his iPad Mini. He said he wants to show it off and whip it out to show off his notes.
Robin had some audio of Morgan Freeman doing a read for a gay and lesbian rights commercial. Howard said that guy is good. He said he has to read commercials like that. Howard tried doing that with one of his life commercials.
Robin read about the Rolling Stones performing in London recently. Robin said that they had some other big names at the concert as well.
Robin read about how Justin Bieber was awarded with a medal by the Prime Minister of Canada so he's now a national treasure up there. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said that Tom must have known where Howard was going with that conversation. Tom said of course he did. Tom said she outed him about his hair plugs too. He said that he has to thank her for doing that in front of millions of people. He said he's not that secretive about it actually.
Tom said he doesn't tell his wife what she can or can't say. He said she let go with both barrels and now they have to do damage control all day long. He said that her brother is not happy and he's already Tweeted them about it.
Tom said that they just saw the family at Thanksgiving and now they have to hear about hot cocoa blow jobs. Gary said his brother-in-law hears the show every day but he won't bring anything up. He said that's the way his brother-in-law should be too. Tom said he knows they have a lot of damage control to do today. Gary said they can see how uncomfortable he looks.
Jon asked Tom if he thinks Howard is different on AGT than he is there. Tom said he is a nice guy either way.
Jon asked what Tom thought about the way Robin went off on Howard about the way he helped out the ventriloquist. Tom said that's what they're supposed to do on the show and he did think that Howard wanted him to do some topical stuff too. He said he wasn't sure if Howard was talking to everyone or just the one guy. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Tom said the producers told him that they've had about 10 times as many comedians coming out to audition for the show now that he's been on. He said he thinks that it's because of Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Tom's wife's comedy is dirty stuff and he's not sure why anyone would be upset about the whole thing. Gary said it's one thing to tell a joke about a perfect penis on stage than telling personal stories on the show. The caller said that he was just kind of curious about why he was so upset. Tom said he can't stifle his wife and everything she said he can't deny. He said he did the hot chocolate thing and he has hair plugs and now that's out there.
Jon asked Tom how long he's been married. Tom said they've been together for 11 years. He said he did a show on the Women's Entertainment network and it lasted 6 episodes. He said everything they did was just too much for them. He said they wouldn't even let him throw his own kid in the air by a foot and catch her.
Jon asked Kerri how it was being on the show today. Kerri said that it was amazing. She said that Howard is amazing and she loves that he loves her husband so much. Jon asked if Howard was different on radio compared to the TV show. Kerri said he's a little softer on NBC. She said that's the side she saw at AGT. She said she thinks that Howard made AGT a better show than it was in the past.
Gary said that Howard took the AGT job very seriously. Tom said he's sure that's why Howard is thinking about whether or not he wants to keep doing it.
Jon asked Kerri if she knew this could happen today if she came into the studio. She said she did. She said she was warned about the questions he might ask but she's used to that kind of stuff being a stand-up comic herself. She said that it's not like she hasn't heard that kind of crap before. She said she can hang out with the bad guys.
Jon said that they have millions of people listening though. Gary asked if she knew that her brother texted Tom. She said she hopes he doesn't tell their parents. Kerri said she hopes that her mom doesn't try the hot chocolate thing on her dad. Tom said ''Oh god! Erase! Erase!''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Tom is doing his thing and not worry about it. He said that if they do say something about it then you just say you were on Howard Stern being honest. He said he thinks it's awesome what he did.
Tom said that in 10 years or so they might do a Google search and find something about that. The caller said that if they're old enough to do a Google search then they're already hearing that stuff. Tom said he's not whining about being on the show. He said it was great to be there.
Jon said that he and Gary have to worry about their kids hearing about this stuff too. Gary said his son was home from college and he was telling him about an interview that Howard did with McCartney on YouTube. Gary said if his son saw him doing anything strange on YouTube he's not talking about it. He said that's the way it should be. Jon said that his daughter has heard things about him on the show and he'll just ask how school was today.
Gary said he knew the time that his wife used to listen before they were on replays all day. He said that he would only talk about certain things before 7am. He said Jackie caught him checking the clock once.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard went too far with the suggestions for that ventriloquist. Gary said that the judges were pretty clear on who they liked and didn't like and they could have just said something didn't work for them.
Jon asked Tom if he was upset that the dog act beat him. Tom said that he never thought he'd get that far. He said he would have preferred to have lost to a human instead of an act filled with dogs that will be dead in 10 years. He said he has no idea how much he lost by but he was told it was very close.
Gary said he was having a discussion with someone in the office and he had no idea he had been around as long as he had. He said he just saw him on the show and he thought he was funny and he liked him. Tom said he did a bunch of shows at the Stress Factory and he had a lot of new fans. Gary asked if Vinnie Brand is still opening and still doing the same jokes. Tom said Vinnie is great. He said that it was the first time he has done a club since AGT and he wouldn't have picked a different place to do it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked if he was focused on pleasing the judges or pleasing the audience. Tom said that you have to go for the judges because they can bury you. He said if he got shit on by Howard then his minions could have said ''fuck him'' and voted against him.
Jon brought up the Thanksgiving weigh in today. Gary said that hey probably should have weighed in at the same time of morning that they weighed in before vacation. He said that they all did too good.
Gary said that it was also funny when Tim came in and said he had the greatest iPad case for his iPad Mini and within minutes Howard had him convinced it wasn't the best thing ever. Gary said if Howard said it was the best then it would be the best for Tim.
Gary said that he's thinking about looking into the Mini but he's not on it like Howard is. He doesn't carry one around all the time.
Jon asked Gary about what he thinks about JD's reaction to talking about his parents. Gary said he thinks he's had a talking to at some point and that's why he's afraid to go there. Gary said he didn't even want to talk about what the kitchen was like.
Jon said that there are things that you don't want to talk about and Howard will go right to them. Jon said Tom had to deal with that. Jon said Tom tried to change the subject but that didn't work. Tom said Howard should be a therapist because he has a smile on his face when he's doing it. Gary said they know how it works because they've been there so long. He said he talked about something a month ago that he didn't want to talk about. He said he intended not to but he did. He said that was the discussion he had about sending his son to college with condoms.
Jon said that you want to tell Howard something and make the show more interesting. Kerri said that's true and you do want to be entertaining but honest too. Jon said the hot cocoa story came out of nowhere. Kerri said that it did take her 3 months to put out and she was trying to please him before that.
Tom said he had forgotten about the story before that. Tom said that he wanted her to take it slow first instead of going to ''Hello, I blew my husband with Swiss Miss.'' Tom said that's the way she is all the time with his friends. He said that she will shock then instead of the other way around. He said that he just prefers that she doesn't do it in front of millions of people.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Tom comes across as very endearing. She said that he came across very good today on the show too. Tom thanked her for the nice comments.
Jon asked Tom about doing AGT and what he can do to get more out of this. He asked if he wants a Tom Cotter Show? He asked how he makes that play. Tom said he has a great team working for him and he has to have faith in them. He said his team is really good and there are a lot of people involved. He said they have Simon Cowell's show involved and Fremantle involved so they're all fielding offers. He said if everything works out he'll be on TV somewhere.
Gary said that you have to work clean on AGT so he wondered if Tom felt hampered by that. Tom said a comedy club is for adults and you can be yourself. He said that on the networks they're concerned about advertisers. He said he had one joke about how he was dressed like a terrorist and they asked him not to do that joke. He said they had suggestions for how he could change it but they wouldn't let him do the joke the way he wanted. He said they said to him to be edgy and they'll pull him back if they have to. He said they gave him very little resistance actually. He said they were worried about their brand so he gets that. Tom said that the Christian Coalition people were pulling away from the show because of Howard but they eventually came back and the ratings were through the roof. He said Howard should come back.
Jon asked Tom if he thinks Howard will come back and do another season. Tom said he hopes he will. Gary said he thinks Howard will go back. He said he thinks he wants to do it again. Kerri said she thinks he had a good time. Jon said he thinks he liked doing the show but the logistics of doing it were rough. He said he thinks he will come back though. Tom said he concurs. They wrapped up a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he feels like the kid from Two and a Half Men and denounce the show. Howard said the son on the show is 18 now and he's found religion. Howard said he has denounced the show. He said that the kid is against it and says that he wants them to fire him. Howard said the guy is making 8.5 million a year on that show and he wants to be fired. Howard said he has no idea how hard it is to get work in show business. Howard said anyone who works on that show ends up going crazy. Howard said Charlie Sheen is old enough to know better but this kid doesn't know. Howard said this kid grew up in show business. He said he lucked out at a young age.
Howard said Jon Cryer is so normal and he gets show business. He said he knows how to milk it now. Howard said he's going to milk it for all it's worth. Howard said the guy is talented too. He said it turns out he's the one who carries that show anyway. Howard said the kid who went berserk is so stupid. Robin said she didn't know they could hear it. Howard said everyone was sending it to him yesterday.
Howard read about the kid, Angus Jones, and how he found this church and then came out against the show. Howard read about how God told him personally that he wanted him to get it together so he started reading the bible. Howard said he found a church with an all black congregation. Howard read that Angus had a friend tell him about the church.
Howard said they shouldn't fire this kid. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said he should just go on and read his dumb lines. Howard said he's getting $8.5 million to do the show. Howard said last week he was in scenes with Miley Cyrus. He's very lucky.
Howard said he hopes that someone is watching his money. He said he'll end up donating it to the church. Howard said he's like Kirk Cameron. Howard said Kirk is even nuttier than this kid is. Howard said he signed a one year deal to return this season. Howard said they're saying this might be the last season for the show.
Howard asked why Benjy can't record things properly. He said it's about a 10th better than the last time. Howard asked him not to go out and record. He asked how long he's been in radio and still doesn't know how to record things. Howard told him to learn how to use the equipment. Benjy said that was a new piece of equipment. Howard told him to pull it together.
Howard played more of the angry woman talking about him and saying that voting for Obama might be doing something right for the first time in his life.
In another interview Benjy told a guy Howard voted for Obama and that guy thanked him for that. Howard said Benjy also asked women if they would rather be with Howard Stern or general Petraeus. Robin guessed that General Petraeus beat him. Howard said she's right. Howard played the interviews and women were picking Petraeus over Howard over and over again. They were saying that Petraeus is a better looking man. One woman picked Howard over Petraeus. Howard thanked her and said he likes her.
Howard said Benjy's microphone was better on that one. Howard said he doesn't do well in those public polls. Howard said he thought that after he was on America's Got Talent that more people would like him. He said they might need to meet him in person. He said he might need to re-sign so he can get some help.
Howard said that Mark the Bagger sang about Robin and he gets it. He played that song where Mark is singing about Robin sucking on his cock. He said that's nice. He said he likes a nice song parody.
Howard said his Christmas tree is up. He said Beth puts it up right after Thanksgiving. He said he'll have it for the whole season.
Howard said Kid Rock recorded a Christmas song for the show. Howard played the song and Kid was singing about the show and how he's the greatest and the man. He sang about the other lame radio guys out there. He sang about Robin in the song as well.
Howard said that's a lovely Christmas song. Howard said he was honored to have Kid Rock singing a Christmas song for him. He said they must have sedated him to get him to do that. Howard said that was the great Kid Rock.
Howard said Big Foot Jr. recorded a Kid Rock song. Howard played that next. Big Foot Jr. tried singing ''Bawitdaba'' for a minute.
Howard said this kid, Angus T. Jones, doesn't understand that making $8.5 million a year is rare. He said he should have him talk to Danny Bonaduce about that. Howard said Danny is reduced to doing radio now. Howard said it's 10 times easier to do TV than radio. Howard said he should stay on the show and hopes they don't fire the kid. Howard said he probably doesn't have anyone guiding him.
Howard said Angus is 19 and he's trying to identify with people. Howard said he has audio of the kid on the internet talking about why he's doing this. Howard played the audio and Angus was talking about how his character means nothing and he's not real. Howard said it will mean something to him in 10 years when he's at an autograph signing collecting money next to Eddie Munster. Howard said he's going to be charging 20 bucks for autographs from fans. Howard said maybe he'll think differently then.
Howard played more audio of Angus asking people to stop watching Two and a Half Men because it's filth. He said people say it's entertainment but it's just filth. Howard said in 10 years he's going to make 40 and a half dollars getting autographs signed. Angus said you should do research on what TV does to the brain. Howard said he has watched TV for his whole life and he loves it. Robin said she loves it too. Howard said it's his only friend.
Howard said he watched hours and hours of TV. He watched 2 hours of Homeland and two hours of Sons of Anarchy. Robin said she watched 3 hours of ''Arrow.'' Howard asked if there were new ones. Robin said she doesn't know but she missed a few episodes. Howard said that guy is handsome. He asked if they were still on the air.
Howard said he went running in the park yesterday. He said that his buddy Pat runs too fast for him. He said his hip is killing him today. Howard said he's going to dinner with his daughter today and he's wondering how he's going to get there. Howard said he's fine when he runs on his own.
Howard played more of the Angus Jones interview and how he doesn't want people watching the show anymore. Howard said that this kid is saying that Chuck Lorre is Satan. Howard said that he'd love the guy if he put him on a hit TV show like that. Howard wondered where the thanks is in the business. Howard said that Charlie Sheen turned on that guy too. Howard said that there is no thanks in the business. Howard said Jon Cryer needs to go completely berserk and start going off on Chuck Lorre. Howard said he'd love to know what that guy looks like. He said Charlie and this kid have turned on him and there's only one person left on the show to turn on him. Howard said Jon needs to come in and ride the Sybian and then start saying that Chuck Lorre is Satan.
Robin said the people who go religious like this are the people you don't want to spend eternity with. Howard played more audio of Angus talking about how he doesn't want to contribute to the enemy's plan by being on the show. Howard said he's hanging around with this black guy who must dig watching the kid self destruct. Howard said he doesn't care if he does. Howard said maybe the guy is hoping that the kid will give him some of his money. Howard said he can unload some of Satan's money on him.
Howard said that anyone who is making dirty money can give it to him and he'll clean it up for them. Howard played more audio of Angus talking about how a real Christian can't be on a show like Two and a Half Men. Howard said he is such a dope. Howard said maybe God should wait until after the show is over to tell him to become Christian. Howard said he was talking to a group of Scientologists who told him that this kid is nuts. He said they never turn down money. Robin said that it's very strange that God just sits there while this kid is working on the show.
Howard said that kid has gone all the way to the nut house. Robin said she can't wait for the day he returns to the set. Howard said he can't wait until they kill his character off.
Howard asked what he can do for Eric. Eric said he has resigned from his TNA wrestling job. Howard said that's as dumb as the kid from Two and a Half Men. Howard said that they were paying him. Eric said that he was doing it and he gives him a hard time and now he quits and he's giving him a hard time. Howard said they were paying him! Eric said that Johnny advised him to quit. Howard asked why he would resign from a job like that. Howard asked how that's going to affect the donation to the North Shore Animal League. Eric said that was their money, not his.
Howard asked why he quit. Eric said no one seemed to like him doing it. Howard said Eric liked doing it though. Eric said he did but he was getting a shit load of crap from fans and from Howard. Howard said it was funny how bad he was. He said they have nothing to talk to him about now.
Howard said that someone wrote a Christmas song about him. He said it was Big Foot Jr. Eric said he hates that prick. Howard said Big Foot Jr. likes him. He said he wrote a song about how he wants to have sex with him. Eric said that won't happen.
Howard played the song and Big Foot Jr. sang about how his cock was on it's way to Eric's bunghole to the tune of ''Here Comes Santa Claus.'' Howard asked what he thought of that. Eric said he hates it. Howard said it's great that he's thinking of Eric.
Howard said quitting this job was dumb. He said Eric loved doing it so he shouldn't have quit. Howard said people say he was a sell out for doing America's Got Talent but he just keeps doing it. Howard asked how he quit. Eric said he sent a letter of resignation. Howard said he has to be kidding him. Howard told him to write them a letter and say he didn't mean it. Howard said he should say he found god and he didn't mean it. Howard said he should go get that job back now. Howard said that's the one group that employs him and he resigns. Eric said he will be on an FX series soon. He said it's a sitcom called Legit. He said Johnny is working on that. Howard said if he was there he would throw him in the mail box and make him go in and get it. Eric said he sent it as an email. Howard said he thought he could throw him in the mail box to fish out the letter. He said this is as crazy as the kid on Two and a Half Men. He said these people go berserk. Howard said it's just mind blowing. Howard said he has no idea what Eric is doing.
Gary had the letter that Eric sent out. He said he sent it to everyone there. Howard read the letter where Eric explains why he's resigning from the show. Eric said that the Stern Show barely played the clips and how all they do is make fun of the clips when they do play them. Howard read through more of the letter and Eric said that his manager advised him to quit. Eric wrote ''Signed, Eric'' in the letter so Howard told him you don't put ''signed'' you write something like ''Best, Eric.'' Fred played a bunch of ''Eric the Dumb Ass Midget'' clips as they were wrapping up the letter.
Gary said he had an interaction with Eric over vacation. He said Eric asked him to do something for him because people were calling him gay on Twitter. Gary said he had a gay brother so Eric asked him to do him a favor and tell people that he's not gay. Howard told Eric that it would get worse if he did that. They're just trying to get to him. Gary said Eric fights with everyone on Twitter. He said he'll have someone call him gay and he writes ''FUCK YOU DIE'' in bold letters. Eric said that there are people who call him gay and they say he has HIV.
Howard said that no one believes that he has HIV. He said that he's overreacting. JD said that Eric includes his twitter name in his tweets and he hates that. He said that it's every time. Eric said it's not every time. JD said it is every time. Howard asked why he includes him in his rants. Eric said he doesn't take out the names that the person puts in there first. JD said he just hits reply and that's what's in there. Eric told JD to tell those people to stop putting his Twitter name in there.
Howard asked Eric if HIV would be a step up from the disease that Eric has. Howard asked what it is he has. Eric said it's Ehlers-Danlos. Howard asked what it is. Fred said it was Charlie Daniels. Howard kept asking and had Eric repeating it. Howard asked how many people have that. Eric said it's 9 out of 10 people. Howard said that means more people look like him than anyone else. Eric said that's what the statistics are. Howard said that can't be right. Robin said that means that almost everyone there would have it. Eric said that's what the web site says. Howard said that can't be right. Robin said that everyone must have a very mild case.
Fred asked what type he has because there are many types. Eric said that it's type 7. Fred said he has one of the most rare types. Only 30 cases are reported. Howard said that's unbelievable that he has such a rare thing. Howard said he hit the genetic lottery. Howard said that the odds of him getting it are astronomical. Robin said that his stats are wrong because she's reading that type 3 is 1 in 10,000.
Howard said that he can't believe that Eric quit this TNA job. Eric said Johnny told him that this was getting in the way of other job opportunities. Howard said Johnny knows what he's doing. Gary asked how it's getting in the way of a job he doesn't have. Eric said that the person was thinking about hiring him.
Howard said they should rename Ehlers-Danlos to ''Eric the Actor disease.'' Eric said it's a disability and not a disease. Howard said they should call it that. Eric said that it's a disability not a disease. He told Howard he's a moron. Howard said it's Eric the Actor Disease. Howard asked if he wants the honor of the name. Eric said not if he's going to keep calling it a disease. Howard said one thing about Eric is that he's not a complainer. Howard said he actually is.
Howard said that more people have blown Jon Hein than have this disease. Howard said he would write to the TNA people and tell them he wants his job back. Howard said that's his advice to him. Eric said ''Right.'' Howard said thank you. Eric said he'll talk to him later after a few seconds of a pause. Fred played him out with the eerie music. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that there's something in the paper about how hard Rihanna is to work with. Robin said she's another one who will be at a convention with a box. Robin said she'll be asking people if they remember her. Howard let the song play and said he likes when she sings. Robin said these songs aren't changing the world. Howard said it's changing his world. He said he likes it.
Howard said he was just listening to the Radio Hall of Fame induction and it's just as hokey as you'd think it is. Howard said the guy who inducted him was roasting him but it was funny at least.
Howard had the top 5 songs and played clips of those. Howard said Fun was at number 5. Howard said he doesn't like this song. He said it almost sounds like a theme to a TV show. Howard said Bruno Mars is number 4. He played some of his song. Howard said they're trying to get him on the show actually. He said Ke$ha is number 3 and Maroon 5 is at number 2 and Rihanna is at number 1 with that Diamonds song.
Howard said he likes that Rihanna song. Robin said it might be okay to dance to. Howard said he doesn't want to dance. Howard sang along to the song a little bit. He said she's probably singing about that Chris Brown guy.
Howard said his favorite song ever is this one actually. It was a Baba Booey opera song. Howard said that's beautiful. He said that was by Daniel Mendelson.
Lisa said she was out of breath from running in there. Lisa said she spoke to a doctor about his peeing problem. Howard said he doesn't care about his peeing problem. Lisa said that she spoke to the doctor and he said that it's normal to have problems like that. Howard said he tried that taint thing again yesterday and it didn't work. Howard said he really doesn't want to talk about this. Lisa didn't give up. She kept Howard on the subject for a few more seconds.
Lisa said that Back Office Radio is continuing and things are getting kind of tough with the staff. Howard said Jason and Will are back there spewing bullshit and he thinks they should cancel the show. Howard asked who thinks they should cancel it. Robin said she thinks they should. Howard said everyone gets irritated when they say the stuff they say. Howard said he found the guys a little wordy during the show. Will said they say nothing but nice things about Howard. Will asked him not to cancel the show. Howard said he thought about canceling the show. Will asked him to give it another try. Howard said maybe he will.
Howard asked Lisa what else is going on. Lisa said that Steve Brandano wrote an email to Will and Jason about how he won't be part of the show. He isn't happy with them trashing people in the office. Howard said he gets that and if Will and Jason are on there revealing everything then it can be annoying.
Howard asked how they determine what gets on the air. Jason said they meet with Tim after every show and they think they have a good sensibility about what they put on the air. He said that they don't think they've crossed the line. Jason said Steve's letter wasn't even about himself. He said that it was for everyone else.
Howard said they should find out what Steve thinks. Steve came in a short time later. Howard asked him why he resigned from that horrible show. Steve said he needed a break in the back office. He said the letter was in response to Jason and JD fighting and he thought it got out of hand. He said that's what the email was mostly about. He said they do a two hour show. Howard said they should do it every 3 months and build it up over those months. Jason said they have plenty of material every week. He said they do a lot of things on the show. Howard said maybe no one cares. Jason said they do seem to care. Howard said he's not sure anyone knows who the staff is. Jason said the fans know who they are. Howard said this is how boring the show is. He said he's ready to jump out a window.
Howard asked Steve if he said he won't be their friends if they keep doing the show. Steve said they won't have friends if they continue doing it the way they're doing it. He said that the show is about what they say and do in the back office. He said if someone takes a little shot then it goes back and forth and it gets worse.
Howard said he only heard the show for 15 minutes once. Steve said Howard would love it. Howard said he heard it and had to turn it off. Steve said he doesn't want the show canceled. Howard said it sounds like he does. Steve said he wants them to all be friends. Howard told him to get out of there because he's annoying him. Howard said they can't have a nice Back Office Radio Show.
Jason said that he mentioned that David Heydt and Steve got upset. Howard said no one even knows who David Heydt is. Jason said the fans do know who he is. Howard said they really don't. Howard said no one even knows Sal. He said that he knows everything. Jason said that there are enough people who know who Sal is. Howard said people don't know anything really. He said if you sit in a focus group you'll see that. Howard said a show about David Heydt is boring. Jason said it was just one comment about the guy's hair. Howard told Jason to go back and do his show and stop explaining it.
Jason said they were told to work on shows there. Howard said he's going to fix that today. Jason said that twice in the past two years he's had to justify his job there. He said they have to do shows around there to create content for the channel. He said that's what they have to do to keep their jobs there. Howard said he doesn't want the job there that's done for this radio show being compromised for other shows. Jason said they're really not.
Howard told Jason to get out of there. He said they have a special coming up all about David Heydt. Howard asked who the hell knows who David Heydt is?
Lisa got back to her news preview. She said that Jon Hein wants another hour for his Jon Hein's TV Show. Howard said he likes Jon's show. Howard said he likes the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he hasn't heard the TV show. Lisa said that Jon thinks that Shuli and Jason appear on the channels more than he does.
Lisa said that Jon Leiberman's ''Embedded'' series is on Howard TV. They have one where Jon is in with Medicated Pete. Howard said that show is great. He said that he has a whole series of them coming up. Howard said that you learn more about Pete than you ever imagined. He said it's fascinating.
Howard said that Pete's house is gone since the hurricane. He said they may have done him a favor by washing it away. Howard had a clip of Pete telling Jon about his inflatable bed that was popped. Pete claimed that he was having a lot of fun with a chick the night before but it turns out to be a complete lie. In the clip Jon interviewed a friend of Pete's who said that there was no girl with Pete the night before. Pete lied about the girl. Robin said poor Pete was busted by Jon. Howard said the only thing that would make the show better is if Pete was hanging out with David Heydt.
Howard said Jon Leiberman dug for dirt and found Pete's resume. He played more audio of Jon interviewing Pete about his resume where he runs down what he had on the resume. Pete didn't even know what the stuff meant that he had written on the resume. Jon said that Pete was in the ''Boys Scouts.'' Pete said that's different than the Boy Scouts. Pete said he added the S to spice it up a bit. Howard said he was trying to fill in the resume to make it look busier. Leiberman asked him why he should hire him based on that resume. Pete said ''I have no clue, honestly.'' Howard said Pete basically said he knows how to turn on a radio in that resume.
Howard said Pete was trying to pick up a chick at this bar he goes to. Howard said it was really sad because Pete was trying to sing to her. Howard said Jon fed Pete before doing that. He said that's always fun to watch.
In another clip Pete was talking about how stunning this girl was and then he starts singing about how he's going to take her down to the shore. Howard said Pete gets all deflated and Jon tries to tell him to go back and sing more. Howard said Jon tries to get him to write more lines for the song that he made up.
Howard played more of the clip and Jon gives Pete a beat to help him write this song. Pete wasn't able to come up with anything but he was clapping and dancing. Howard said you have to see this. Pete came up with more lines and said the pants come off. Howard said the pants come off because a gang comes by and sees how nerdy he is and yank his pants off. Pete was singing about how he gets a boner ''and then it's like insertion bro.'' Then he said it's penetration and then it goes deeper and deeper. Howard said he's a regular Bruce Strangesteen. Pete was singing about going in and out and Jon said that he was scaring him. Howard said Jon is his muse. He said Leiberman orgasmed right in his pants. He said he's like George Martin producing that track.
Howard said this is a 1 hour special on Howard TV. Howard said Pete is great in that special. Howard wrapped up with Lisa G a short time later. She got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt which is on tonight at 7.
Howard sang some of the Medicated Pete song and said he liked that. Howard sang the song like Pete did where he sang about his big boner and taking his pants off.
Howard said that they have a big contest coming up. He played the promo they created for The Most Beautiful Cock Contest. Howard said George Takei will be in to judge that contest.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he didn't. He said he was going to tune in for Kelly Monaco but he didn't get to it. Howard said he's not watching the show this season. The caller said that Kelly looks great. Howard asked who's left on the show. The caller gave him a rundown of the people left.
The caller said that Kelly made a slight mistake on the show and two of the judges gave her a 10 and one gave her a 9.5. Howard said he didn't see it but he'll go back and watch the tape and give his ruling.
Howard said they've gotten through Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Now they have to get through Take Your Tits out Tuesday. Howard asked Robin to take them out. Robin said today is actually Give Back Tuesday. She said you donate to a charity or volunteer or something. Howard said that's a shitty holiday. Robin wondered who the people are that respond to Black Friday and Cyber Monday. She said it's like they wait for the days to be invented to go out and shop.
Howard said there are rumors that Kristen Stewart is pregnant. Howard said he'd like to know who the daddy is. Howard said it could be that producer's or Robert Patinson's.
Howard said that Nicki Minaj is complaining about her album sales and blaming it on Walmart. Howard said Jesse James is engaged again too. Howard said he was with Sandra Bullock and Janine Lindemulder. Robin said he was with Kat Von D too. Howard wondered why he has to be married. Robin said a guy like that has to get engaged. Howard said it's fascinating to him when a guy who can't commit actually commits like that. Howard said it doesn't make any sense.
Howard said he got a lot of negative feedback about his ''Lincoln'' review. Howard said the movie was boring. Robin said she slept through half of it. Howard said the movie ''The Sessions'' is way better than Lincoln. Howard said that Sal has begged him not to tell him the ending to Lincoln.
Howard read through more of the email and people were bashing him for not liking the movie. Howard asked what would be worse, watching Lincoln again or be in a conversation with Scott the Engineer. Robin said she would rather watch the movie. Robin said she did doze off during the movie. She said if that happens then there is something wrong with the movie. She said the last hour was riveting though.
Howard said he looked up the Gangnam Style video views and there were over 805 million views. Howard said Jackie only needs 804 million to catch up.
Howard said there's this guy who goes to the Jets games and he's known as Fireman Jack. He said that other fans wanted to fight him because they seem to think that he's part of the organization. Gary said they wanted to fight him because he wore a Mark Sanchez shirt instead of a Tebow shirt. The fans thought that management put him up to it.
Howard read about how the Israeli defense minister is resigning. Howard said there can't be a worse job than being the Israeli Defense Minister.
Howard read about a Swedish woman who had sex with a skeleton. He wondered if that's even illegal.
Howard said that he was reading about female porn stars and how they have higher self esteem than other women. Howard said that they must think that being able to fit two cocks in you at once gives you more self esteem.
Howard asked Robin if she knows what day it is. Robin said it's Tuesday. Howard said he's getting old and can't remember. Howard said if it was Wednesday he'd be done.
Howard said Steve-O will be coming in today. He said he has a new TV show and it's insane. He said they have a million other things to get to. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the Pearl Jam song a bit. Howard laughed as he did. He said he's screaming about something there in that song. Robin said she relates to it but doesn't know what it means. Howard said he does too and he's not sure what he's angry at.
Howard said Steve-O is part of the whole Jackass thing but he thinks he's done with all of that. Howard said Steve looks good too. Howard said last time he saw him he was sober but newly sober. Howard said he looked better but he looked odd. Howard said he seems to be growing into his sobriety and he's looking normal. Steve thanked him for that. Howard said he's trying to compliment him but it came off weird.
Howard said Steve has the strangest voice and they say it's from Esophagitis. Steve said that it could be from his vomiting or his acid reflux. He said it could have been the drugs and alcohol he did too.
Howard asked if it freaks Steve out that he almost died from all of the drugs he did. Steve said it did get pretty ugly. Steve said that things have to get really bad before things turn around.
Howard said that this Esophagitis can cause cancer. Steve said he has to get checked out every couple of years. He said they have to do an endoscopy. He said he's not sure how they knock him out without narcotics but they do. Steve said he is an addict so he can't use that stuff. He said that he's been sober 4 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 2 days... He thinks.
Steve said he was doing some pretty wild stuff when he was using drugs. He was doing cat tranquilizers and cleaners and stuff. Steve said it was wild. Steve said that he remembers coming in there and Howard telling him that he was going to die soon. He said Howard thought Artie was going to out live him. Steve said he misses Artie. Howard said he saw him a couple of months ago.
Howard said Steve can't be around the guys from Jackass because they drink. Steve said they do end up at a bar when they hang out. He said he can't go to a bar and hang out. He said that they do keep in touch though. He said he still likes the guys and keeps in touch. He said he doesn't know if they're going to do another Jackass movie. He said he still has it in him to do it. Steve said that there isn't one in the works or anything now.
Howard said Johnny Knoxville has to put a catheter up his penis twice a day to keep that thing open. Steve said he used that catheter as a straw once. He said he used it to drink his urine. Steve said they were testing out their cameras when he did that.
Howard said Steve has people who worship him and meanwhile he's a guy who uses a catheter to drink urine. Steve said that Jackass is a monitor for the downfall of America. He said that Jackass has always been in a good spirit though. He said they're not cruel to anyone. He said the only people they hurt are themselves.
Howard said it seems like Steve has moved on in his life. He said that he's not really with the Jackass thing. Steve said that there might be some truth to that. He said you don't want to talk to the guys on the street about Jackass. Steve said he doesn't avoid the guys from Jackass though.
Howard said he read that Steve is worth about $2.5 million. Steve said if you say what you're worth you can't win. He said people think your a dick or a jerk if it's higher or lower than that.
Howard said that Steve's dad was a wealthy guy. Steve said that his dad has him watching what's going on with the economy and all of that. He said that no one is in safe shape now. He said the future is very uncertain. Steve said he hates Romney and Obama too. He said that he prefers Obama but the last time around Obama was talking about how tough they were going to get with the banks and then he appointed everyone from the banks to all of the positions there. He said it's nonsense. Steve said that nothing has changed.
Howard said that Steve was born in England. He asked if he can vote. Steve said he can vote. He said that he has all three passports for England, Canada and the United States. He said that he can't be president though.
Steve said that Sal's teeth look great by the way. He said that he asked to see Sal and Richard when he got there. He also joked that he's just getting over Whooping Cough so that's why his voice is so messed up. Howard said it sounds like he's been listening to the show a lot. Steve said he has been listening religiously.
Howard asked Steve about diving into a pool that was only 4 feet deep. Steve said that he has made it a regular thing. Steve said that he gets it on video and that makes it all okay.
Howard asked about Ryan Dunn crashing and if he's jealous that he went out that way. Steve said in one way he thinks that he's grateful that he didn't suffer. He said his mom had a brain hemorrhage and she lived for 5 years and had bed sores. He said that when you go quickly he feels good about it. Steve said he's not jealous of dying. He said that we're all going to die. Howard asked if he's a religious guy. Steve said no.
Howard asked Steve about leaving an event because they served meat. Steve said that it was a diabetes event and they were supposed to be promoting how to get rid of Type 2 diabetes. He said that he went to the event and he was going to race Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) in a go cart thing. He said he walked in and they had a tray of shitty chicken. He said that this is what causes diabetes and he said that he thought they were trying to stop it. Steve said it had nothing to do with religion. Howard asked if he goes to AA. Steve said he doesn't want to talk about that. Howard said he thought he had to pray. Steve said you can pray to anything you want to. He said you can pray to the universe. Howard asked if he's through about praying to him. Steve just laughed.
Steve told Howard that any spiritual thing is based on love so as long as he's helping other people he's not worried about it.
Howard asked Steve if he won't talk about the AA thing because he doesn't want to make a joke out of it. Steve said that's part of it. Howard told Steve about how Kinison used to get his AA chip and then he'd start drinking and doing coke to celebrate.
Howard said he read that Steve was dating George Clooney's ex Elisabetta. Steve said she's a great girl. He said he can see why it's an entertaining story. He said if he ran a gossip web site he would have featured it himself. Howard said he met her once and she has a slammin' body. Howard said she has an accent though. Steve said he's not concerned about the accent. Howard asked if he knows any Italian. Steve said that he didn't but he used to speak Portuguese when he was young. He said that his first words were in Portuguese. He said he was fluent in Portuguese and then he moved to America when he was 4 and he forgot everything. Steve said by the age of 3 he knew like 3 languages and by 5 he forgot two of them.
Howard asked if he thinks that his dad fucked the maid like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Steve laughed and said he doesn't think so. Howard said his dad must have been pissed when he got into the Jackass thing. Steve said he went to clown college first and his father wasn't feelin' that at all.
Howard asked if his dad was pissed about the clown college thing. Steve said he wasn't really talking to him about it. Steve said he was involved in drug testing on humans too. He said he was part of one where they tested drugs for pigs and cows on him. He said the more dangerous they were the more they paid. He said that they were testing to find out what this drug did to humans. He said that it was given to them until their resting heart rates were 150 per minute. He said that he had a super low rate but someone else got up to 150 so they stopped the testing. Steve said he got like $2,000 for doing that. Howard said there was a guy who financed his movies by doing that. He said that was Rodriguez.
Steve said he went to Miami University and he only went there for a short time. He said he had a hard time paying attention back then. Howard asked when he got into drugs. Steve said when he was homeless he got into coke which he found to be delicious.
Steve said that what drove him apart from his father eventually brought them back together. He said that his dad apologized for not supporting him and that brought them closer. Steve said that his dad had the same thing happen to him when he was growing up.
Howard asked why Steve thinks he's not closer to Johnny Knoxville. He asked if he thinks that they're afraid of each other. Steve said he was just at his house the night before last. Howard said he felt they weren't that close. Steve said he doesn't think that's right. Howard asked if he was at his house because he broke in. Steve said he's been trying to help a girl who has cancer out and he's trying to get people to sign this thing. He said he wanted Howard to sign it too. Howard said he'll do that as long as that's all he has to do to help.
Steve said that he's just out doing his own thing. Howard asked if he likes Johnny. Steve said he likes him fine. He said they don't have any issues. Howard asked what it is then. Howard said that when Lennon and McCartney didn't get along you wonder why they can't make it work. Howard said Johnny and Steve made a lot of money together. He asked why they don't hang out. Steve said he thinks that Howard is going down the wrong road. He said that Johnny has been there for him. He said they don't hang out a lot but there's not a beef or anything.
Howard asked Steve about Elisabetta and what went on there. Steve said he guesses that things just didn't work out. Howard said what he read was that she wanted to go out drinking and partying and Steve felt that he couldn't be sober around her. Steve said he doesn't want to pick it apart but he'll just say there are a lot of lifestyle differences. He said that he's vegan and she's like the opposite. He said he doesn't want to pick her apart though. He said Howard had some of it right.
Howard asked Steve if he goes to a party does he have his friends hide the alcohol. Steve said it's not like that at all. Howard said he can't have him over if that's the way it works. Steve said that he likes to go to vegan restaurants a lot and he likes to do that and not do other things. Howard said that Steve will drink urine but not alcohol. Steve laughed.
Steve said there's this guy, MGK, who put out a song called Wild Boy and he wanted to record with him for a remix of his song. He said that he brought his hair clippers and cut off his public hair with this guy and they smoked each other's pubic hair. He said that the guy might be mortified that he's saying that because that scene ended up on the cutting room floor.
Howard asked Steve where he's living now. Steve said he's in West Hollywood. He said he's still single but he's been hanging out with one girl. Howard asked how long he was with Elisabetta. Steve said it was most of this year. Howard said Clooney said he thought it was hysterical that he was dating her. Howard read some quotes from Elisabetta and Clooney about the dating thing. Howard said Clooney thought it was hysterical that she was dating Steve-O. Steve asked if that's an insult. Howard said he thinks that he just found it interesting that she went for someone who is like the complete opposite. Howard said that he'd be shocked if Beth ended up dating Steve-O after being with him.
Howard asked how he met Elisabetta. Steve said that they had a mutual friend who introduced them. He said they went out to lunch and hung out. Howard asked if she made him wait to get into her pants. Steve said that he had her a few times. He didn't say how long it took. Howard asked if he asks her if his cock is bigger than Clooney's. Steve said that his isn't that big so he doesn't ask. Steve said that they never talked about anything like that.
Howard asked Steve if he wore a rubber. Steve said he did. Howard said he can't imagine him doing that since he lives on the edge. Steve said he doesn't want to hear from her about all of this. Howard told him not to worry about it. He said that he used to not worry about anything and now he worries all the time. Steve said it's not like that. Howard said if he was with Clooney's ex he'd worry about proving himself. He said that the ghost of Clooney would be in the room all the time. Steve said he gets that. He said he wasn't really worried about it though.
Howard asked if Steve is crazy in bed. Steve said he does try. He said he wants to be impressive. He said he has licked a girl's asshole. Howard said he must be doing really crazy shit in bed if he drinks urine. Howard did his impression of Elisabetta talking about how crazy he is.
Steve said he might have to try out for AGT. Howard said he should. Howard asked if he saw Horse on AGT. Steve said he did and he watched every episode. He said that he has taken nut shots and he's scared of them. He said Horse just lets you kick him and doesn't think anything of it. Howard said he shot him with a tennis ball in the nuts and that was at 90 MPH. Howard said he thought of Steve and the guys because they made a living out of doing that. Steve said he was touched that he mentioned them while he was talking to Horse.
Howard asked Steve about this new TV show he has. He said it's called Killer Karaoke. Howard said it sounds like it would be terrible but he saw a clip and it's hilarious. Howard said they have this woman singing karaoke and she sticks her head in a box and she doesn't know what it is in the box. Howard said she sings and screams at the same time. Howard said she's genuinely petrified. Howard asked how you win or lose on the show. Steve said they have 6 contestants and the audience votes people through. He said they just vote on overall entertainment.
Howard asked if that woman won in that episode. Steve said she did get voted through. Howard said the show looks dangerous and he heard that they're being sued for breaking a woman's leg on the show. Steve said he knows there is a legal matter.
Steve said that the show is on TruTV and it's on Friday nights at 9. Howard said Steve is the host. Steve said he doesn't have to hurt himself on the show so that's good. He said that he will try some of the stunts to show the contestants how it will be. He said they shock people with shock collars. He said they turn it all the way up and they electrocute them that way. He said those things are fucked up.
Howard said it was good seeing Steve today. Steve said he had no idea that Ronnie was so fucking funny. He said that today is the first time that he didn't come with some fucked up weapon on him. Howard said he doesn't have to light himself on fire to be a guest there. Steve said that he still has tattoo dots on his butt from getting tattooed with darts in the studio. Howard said he remembers that. Steve said that he told Ronnie that he was going to stun gun himself once and Ronnie said he couldn't do it so he gave him his stun gun... and walked into the studio with his back up stun gun.
Howard asked Steve about the time he got punched in the face by Mike Tyson. Steve said he had asked him to do it before that. He said that it was set up for the show and Mike didn't want to do it. He said that the last time he had seen Mike was in a psychiatric unit. He said they were both in there together. Howard asked why Mike was in there. Steve said that they were both in similar positions at the time.
Howard asked how long he was locked up. Steve said he was locked up for 3 weeks that time. Howard asked if that's the scariest part of the drug thing. Steve said that wasn't the only one he's been in.
Howard asked Steve if he and Mike said that they weren't the crazy ones. Steve said that they just passed the time in there together. Steve said that his arrests made more news than that time.
Steve said that Mike's agent is his agent too. He said that he booked them both on the roast. Steve said he had to play the black eye game with Mike. He said that they planned it out and during the show. He said he jumped into Mike's fist and he ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes. Steve said that Bam Margera broke his nose in Jackass 3D. He said that they were shooting something that never aired. He said Wee Man shot a BB gun to shoot his nipple off. He said they shot his nipple and he still has the BB in there. Steve said that Bam came up and punched him and broke his nose. He said they weren't able to use the footage because they weren't going to use the rifle bit.
Steve said 2 months after Bam broke his nose it was bothering him and he went to get his nose fixed. Steve said the doctor told him that he let it heal that way so he couldn't do anything unless he had it re-broken. Steve said he heard that and said no way. Then he went to the Charlie Sheen roast and did the Tyson thing and broke his nose. He said his nose was broken to shit and gushing blood. Steve said it was the end of the show. He said this guy came up to him and said he'd set his nose for him right then. He figured it couldn't get worse than it was. He said this guy put a thumb on either side and lined it up. He said his nose is straight now. He said Tyson broke it and the kung fu guy reset it for him and it looks great.
Howard asked Steve who the girl is with him now. Steve said that she's a very normal girl. He said it's very early on in the relationship though.
Steve said that he heard Bam talking about his stalker on the show and you have to like that story because it's not Bam getting into trouble or anything. He said he thinks that Bam liked that he wasn't the one that was out of control. He said the weird thing is that he didn't fuck her. Howard said he found that strange too.
Howard said Steve is looking good and he's sounding good talking. Steve said that he's glad to be there and he's been coming on for like 10 years now. Steve said he wanted to prove that he isn't as nutty as people make him out to be. Howard said his film work speaks for itself. Steve said he's ready to do more. Howard said he has to put his mind to it and go out and try to kill himself. Howard said he's glad that he's made it through all of this and he's doing well.
Steve told Howard to sign on with AGT for another season. Howard said he's still thinking about it. Steve said he finds it disrespectful that Howie plugs his Twitter during the show. He said it's disrespectful to the show. He said he should be watching the acts and not reading his Twitter. Howard said he's never do that during the show. Steve said that Craig Ferguson told him that as long as you're doing what you love you're bullet proof. Howard said he might have to go follow Craig Ferguson. Howard asked Robin to remind him who he is. Robin said he has that show on after David Letterman.
Howard said he likes this Killer Karaoke show. Howard said it's on Friday night on TruTV. Steve said the premiere was last Friday. Steve said he's doing shows with Tom Green in Las Vegas to. You can find out more about those dates at SteveO.com
Howard said that people are asking about the Broadway musical they're working on. Howard said there are no tickets yet. He said they haven't brought it to Broadway yet. Robin said that Kathie Lee is on Broadway now. Howard said their musical will be much better.
Howard said Jason is very rotund and he weighs over 260 pounds. Howard said there's a moment in the play where Jason walks out and the stage is dark. He said there's one spotlight on him and then he breaks into this song. Howard played the song which was Jason singing ''Feed Me'' to the tune of a Who song ''See Me, Feel Me.''
Howard said they're really working on this thing. He said it's not a joke. Howard said that there's another part in the play where he yells at Gary and then Gary sings a song. Howard played that one and Gary sings about his last name in the song. Howard said there is a real story going on. Howard said that's one of his favorites where Gary admits he's confused by his own apostrophe.
Robin said that you can't just hang songs in the air. She said you need a narrative. Howard said Robin has been very harsh so far.
Howard said there are a lot of people writing songs about Robin. Howard played one called ''In Robin's Ass'' to the tune of ''Monster Mash.'' Howard said that was Psych. He said it was written for Halloween but it got to them late.
Howard read some email and said that Steve Brandano took some hits. He said people were annoyed with him. Howard had a few about Steve going at him about the Black Keys thing.
Howard said he took some major hits himself. He said that people went off on him about his review of ''Lincoln.'' Howard said that Tom Cotter got a 50/50 review in the email. Howard said that some people thought that he was like Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said that a lot of the mail was positive though.
Howard said that most of their email is negative. He read about Tim Sabean being a fat fuck and how he actually lost water weight. Howard said he's not sure how the guy would know that. Howard read some email about the push of urine behind the balls thing. He said a lot of people wrote in about that. Howard said people think it really works.
Robin read a story about a guy who did the first kidney transplant dying. Robin said Dr. Murray was 93. Robin said that he did the first operation on an identical twin. Robin said her cat Brangelina benefited from that. Howard said that he thought she was doing a story about her Veterinarian. Robin said her cat is doing just fine after the operation too.
Robin read about a British guy traveled around the world without boarding an airplane. It took him over 1000 days to complete. Robin said he traveled by land or sea to get around. Howard said that's a waste of time. Robin wondered what the purpose of it was. Robin said he was able to do it for around $15 a day.
Howard read through some wacky sports stars names. Howard read through a bunch and wondered if they were real. Gary confirmed a couple of them. Howard said there was one Rusty Kuntz. Dick Trickle was one. Howard knew some of the names. Howard made up a couple himself.
Robin read about the guy who plays Elmo and how he had a kid accusing him of having sex when he was under age. Now there is a third accuser coming out and saying that he abused him too. Robin said that this third kid claims he met Kevin Clash on a gay chat line.
Howard read that Kim Kardashian was paid $600,000 to attend a party. Howard said he doesn't like this. He said it doesn't make sense to him. Howard said it's outrageous. Robin said she thinks that Kanye West must be paying her too. Howard said Scott the Engineer was paid $50 not to attend. Robin said that was money well spent.
Robin read about how Rick Santorum might run again in 2016. Howard said he doesn't think he could win. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:25am, we heard Big Foot trying to sing ''Frosty the Snow Man'' karaoke style. Fred also played ZZ Top's ''Legs'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and read another live commercial. Robin got back to her news and read about how gay and lesbian groups are trying to get gay marriage laws passed in Arkansas. Howard said that has to be the most fun place to be gay. He said it must be a party down there.
Robin read about Cyber Monday being a hit and how millions of Americans were out shopping online. Robin said she never gets excited about these sales. She wondered what the bargains are. Howard said there must be bargains out there. Robin said nothing could get her out of her house at 4am to shop.
Robin read about how in the future you may have a virtual passenger in the car when you drive. Robin said that GM is adding Siri to a couple of their vehicles. Howard said he loves Siri. He said that he can ask it how to get somewhere and it tells him. Robin said Ford is saying they'll have better voice recognition and easier smartphone integration in their vehicles. Howard said he likes the dictation on his iPhone and iPad. He said he talks most of his texts. Robin said she hates the phone helping her with her words because it gets them wrong.
Howard said he wanted to find babysitter porn with Siri. Robin said they tried that once and it didn't work. Howard said he wants to try again. Howard asked his iPhone to bring him Babysitter porn. Siri said she wasn't able to find any babysitters. Howard asked a couple more times. She had the same response. Robin told him to ask her a joke. She said that he wouldn't understand a joke in her language. Siri said she's not funny.
Robin said that Anna Nicole Smith's daughter is getting into modeling. Howard said that Anna Nicole was very attractive and her father was attractive so she might be hot.
Robin read a story about the campus of Ball State still buzzing after David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey did an interview together there. Robin said Oprah talked about the sexual abuse she endured as a child and other things in her life. Robin had a couple of audio clips from the interview.
Robin had some audio of governor Cuomo talking about how they need federal assistance after Hurricane Sandy. Howard said he thinks that he could run for President and win. Howard said he should do it now while he can
Robin had some audio of Willie Nelson talking about his new book and some things that are going on in this country.
Robin read about the Iowa governors anti-bullying convention and had some audio of someone talking about what they'll be going over there.
Robin read about Angus T. Jones and what he was saying about Two and a Half Men. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he can't be a true Christian being on that show and asking people to stop watching the show.
Howard said this kid is out of his mind. David said he's a great kid and a very smart guy. Howard said he joined a black church and he's denouncing Chuck and Two and a Half Men. Howard said the kid has gone berserk. David said that he's a great guy though. Howard said he should call him and let him know that he's lost his marbles and he has no idea what it's like finding work in show business.
Howard said he has to do some commercials but then he'll ask David some questions. He did a live commercial read and then asked him what he's doing in town. David said he's on his way to India. He said he's doing an independent movie there. Howard asked if he's there to say goodbye to them forever. David said he just wanted to come in and say hi.
Howard asked what's crazier, India or Angus T. Jones. David laughed. Howard said he knows people who went to India who wanted to hang themselves after going. Howard said he's going to get sick. Robin said that he has no idea what it's going to be like. David said the movie is called ''Sold'' and it's about human trafficking. He said he's doing like 3 scenes in it. Howard asked if he plays a trafficker. David said he helps people in this one.
Howard said that David picks movies based on the shittiest locations. David said he was in Detroit shooting a movie and he loved it. Howard said he lived there and it was wild. David said there's a lot of artists there. Howard said if he ever goes gay he's going to Arkansas and if he turns into an artist he'll move to Detroit.
Howard asked David where he's staying in India. David said he's going to Calcutta. Howard asked if he's bringing his girlfriend. David said that she's going back to L.A. He said they just adopted a dog in Detroit. He said they got this amazing Bassett Hound. David said they have an apartment together downtown. Howard said he heard Courteney went nuts when she found out he was living with Christina. David said that things are fine. He said that he can't believe everything he reads.
Howard said he saw some bikini pictures of Courteney in the tabloids. Howard said she looks good. David said that everything happens for a reason. Howard asked how his daughter is getting along with new mommy. David said there is no new mommy. He said his daughter is an incredible person. David said he just wanted to come in and say hi. He asked why it has to be like this. Howard said that his daughter has a new mommy with a new dog.
Howard said David is having the time of his life. Howard saw a picture of David and his new girlfriend out on the town. David said that he has to lose this beard. Howard said he's not looking at David. He said he's looking at the girlfriend. Howard asked if her boobs are real. David said they are. Howard said he has lost his fucking mind going to India with that chick there. David said he has to get home to his Bootsy Bellows. Howard said he has a friend who wants David to do a movie in Chernobyl.
Howard asked Robin to tell David what he's in store for over there in India. Robin said that she saw things when she was there and it was really rough. She said she saw people coming out of the woods with limbs missing and things. Howard said David should do a movie at the Love Canal.
Howard read another live commercial for Avion tequila and teased David with that. Howard was making it sound really tempting. Howard goofed on Gary a bit about his weight. Gary said that he has weighed the same for over a year. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody as he goofed on him.
Howard said he doesn't understand how David can be around the booze in the clubs if he doesn't drink. David said he's fine. He said he plays with puppets to keep his mind off of it.
Howard asked David about going out into the woods to learn how to survive for a couple of days. David said that he knows how to make a fire with some pieces of wood. He said he can do it with a piece of string, a piece of wood and a rock. David said that he could make twine if he had to. Howard said by the time he makes all of this stuff he'd be dead. David said they did start their own fire and cooked their own food in the woods.
Howard told David to watch what he eats and drinks in India. David said he was told to bring charcoal tablets with him. Howard said if he has to take that he wouldn't go.
David said that the movie is an independent and they used his name to get some financing. Howard said Robin was out of there in like a day. Robin said it was rough but it was slightly more than a day. Howard said wherever he goes he doesn't need charcoal tablets. Howard said he hates traveling. He said that he likes seeing his house. Robin said there are some wonderful places to go. Howard asked David if he packed himself. David said he did. He said he did a travel channel show that will air next year where he goes to different countries. Howard said he thinks he's on the road to getting married again. David told him to stop it. He said she's a great girl though.
Howard asked David why he broke up with her for a while. David said she broke up with him. He said she moved back to L.A. and they got back together. He said it's all very complicated. Howard asked what's so complicated. David said life is complicated.
David said he really just wanted to come in and say hi. Howard said he's glad he came in to say goodbye permanently. Howard said he could be kidnapped and put into the sex trade. Howard said he would love it. He read another live commercial after that.
Howard asked Robin how long the flight to India was. Robin said it was forever. Howard said that over there you try to start a fire with a string and you're like Donald Trump.
Howard asked David if he's vegan. David said he's not. Howard said he only eats fish now. Howard said he has to get protein in him. He said he'll lose muscle mass if he doesn't. David asked if he's going back to AGT. Howard said he doesn't know yet. David said that he's awesome on it. Howard thanked him for that. He said he's waiting to find out what the scheduling is like this season. He said no one can seem to tell him. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard got back to David and said that his girlfriend is so hot and other guys must hit on her all the time. David said it's not that bad. Howard asked if Courteney is seeing anyone. David didn't seem to want to talk about it. Howard asked if he'd be okay if he hooked her up with another guy. David said he'd be fine with that. He said he wants her to be happy. Howard asked who he would want her to see. David said he wants a great guy to have her. Howard asked if Bill Clinton would be good. David said that he's not really the right guy. He said someone like George Clooney would be good. Howard asked him to pick a guy and he'll make it happen. Howard asked if Gerard Butler would be okay. David said he knows him and he's a great guy. Howard asked if Angus T. Jones is good. David said he's a sweet kid. David asked where he heard about this Angus thing. Howard said it's all over the news today. He said it was in the Daily News today.
Howard asked if David would freak out if Courteney was with Tracy Morgan. David said he is a pretty nutty guy. Howard asked if he would be okay with him being Coco's step-father. David said he'd have to meet him first. He said this stuff isn't his responsibility though.
Howard threw out a bunch of names for David to ponder. Howard mentioned Seal, Chris Brown and Bradley Cooper. Howard said maybe Chris Brown would slap her around a bit. Howard said maybe Steve-O would be good. David said that would be fine too.
Howard said David shouldn't go to India. He said he can't go. David said he has to go. Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who was playing Courteney Cox. Eric told him to bring some Febreze with him to India. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked David what else he's doing. David said he has a new movie (Cottage) out on DVD. He said he shows his ass in it. David said he had to do a nude scene in the movie ''Orion'' and his cock shriveled up. He said the water was cold and it was really small. He said that it's so embarrassing. Howard said he has to teach his penis how to act big. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon asked Gary why he thinks that Eric doesn't want that Ehlers-Danlos being renamed after him. Gary said that it didn't make sense that Eric quit the way he did. Gary said it would make more sense if they wrote him a letter like that. Will said he has a feeling that's what happened because he wasn't getting the clips played on Howard's show.
Jon told David Arquette what was going on with Eric and asked if they're going to work Eric in on Cougar Town at all. David said that's up to Bill Lawrence and he thinks that they do want to bring him on. Gary asked what they would have Eric do on the show. David said that you just make a fun character. He said maybe it would be a love interest. Gary said maybe they could put a wig on him and have him play a girl like that dude did on Different Strokes. Jon said he had no idea who he was talking about.
Jon also told David about Angus Jones and what's going on with him. Gary said he thinks that he breached his contract and he might be in trouble for that. Gary said that the whole world has seen the video now and it might seem more real to him today.
Jon asked what must be going on at the set of Two and a Half Men. David said that successful shows do bring out a lot of strange stuff. David said maybe this is some kind of fake video. Gary said he heard that this is what the religious web site was looking for. Jon said he might be able to get out of the whole thing by saying it was a prank.
Jon asked David about traveling and what he thought about Robin and Howard telling him about India. David said he loves traveling and he loves to see the world. Gary said Robin really did hate going to India. He said she was supposed to be there for a week or two and she came back after a day and a half.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard hasn't even been there so he can't judge it. The caller said that he had his wedding over there in Calcutta and he loved it. He told David he'll love it over there. Jon thanked him for the call and went to break.
David said that people aren't ready for it all the time. He said he loves that about Howard though. He said he has exposed people and it's more honest.
Gary asked David if he gets scolded by his publicist after doing the show. David said he has. He said that his publicist knows him and he once did the cover of High Times magazine holding a bowl of weed. He said that he is a father and his daughter will see and hear about this stuff but he wants to be honest with her. He said he's not a fan of secrets in general.
Jon said that David knows what makes a good guest on the show too. He said you want to hear the stories and Howard is good at getting inside everyone's mind. David said that he mentioned the dog he adopted and he did it to help promote the people who save the dogs. He said he did it for a reason. Jason said they'll make him out to be an asshole for adopting a dog. Gary said Howard was pointing out that it was another step in the direction of a relationship. David said he does love this girl. Will said that David will probably come back from India with a child.
Jon told David that Lisa G did a news story about Jason and Will's show and Howard pointed out that most people don't know some of the people they're talking about on the show. Jason said that a lot of Stern fans know that stuff. He said as a fan himself he knew all of the names of the people behind the scenes. He said he thinks that people like what goes on there behind the scenes.
Jason said he doesn't understand what's going on there because on the air Howard is asking why they're doing these shows but behind the scenes they're being told to do more shows and make themselves more useful around there. He said the message is very confusing there.
Jon asked Will if he thought Howard was going to cancel the show. Will said he didn't. He said he thinks Howard knows that the show has a following and he's not going to cancel it.
Jason said he disagrees that the fans don't know who the people are in the back office. He said that Grillo was a big name on the show and who is he? He was an intern. Gary asked David if he knows who David Heydt is. David said he doesn't. Jason said that he explained who he was when he commented on his hair. He said it was just a quick thing too.
Jon said that when you do a show like that there will be fall out. He asked Jason if he's finding the waters difficult to navigate. Jason said he hasn't. He said he doesn't feel guilty about anything he's said on Back Office Radio. He said they do have to meet with Tim before and after the show and there are things that they don't talk about. He said he even left out elements of Steve's letter on the air.
Steve said this all came down after Jason and JD were fighting on the show. He said that watching Jason and JD fighting was very uncomfortable. Jason said he was ready to destroy JD and he had a list of things he was going to say about him because he was on fire. Jason said that the show actually brought them closer and not further apart. Steve said he can look at it like that if he wants.
Gary said he got knocked on Back Office Radio for asking Jason if he farted in the office. Gary said that he walked into a wall of stink and he asked Jason if he farted. Gary said he thought some other things they talked about was kind of jarring. He said that the Douche of the Week was kind of rough.
Scott DePace came in because they had mentioned him during a discussion about something that was said on Back Office Radio. Scott said that they had said that Gary was not important to the show and Jason was more important. Jason said that is just not true. He said that they made the distinction between the channels and the show and Gary is 100 percent needed for the show. Jason said that Scott also called into the show and said Gary is the worst producer in the world. He was making that up like he felt Scott was making up what he said about Gary. Scott didn't disagree with Jason on the comment so Gary found that pretty funny that he couldn't deny saying it.
Scott said he thinks the show should go away. He said they should keep Will and get rid of Jason if they do keep the show. Scott said the show is too inside. He said that they had a big segment about Teddy and about David Heydt. Scott said that they went into a lot of people who they don't know on the show. Scott said they did a whole segment about Brandano and the music he likes. Will and Jason said that happened on Howard's show, not on their show.
Jason said that Scott is one of the people behind the scenes but he's on the air right now talking. He said that it doesn't make sense that he's complaining about the show the way he is. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said Scott doesn't think the audience finds that stuff interesting on the show. Scott said they had a segment where Jason talked to his brother about what he was going to eat at Thanksgiving. Will said you'll notice that Scott is listening to every minute of the show.
Gary asked if they talked about how he and Jon get their hair cut. Jason said they did that as a Page 69 segment and they do that the same way they did it for the news. Jason said they also do segments where they bring in people from the back office and introduce them to the audience.
Jon asked David if he wants to hear this kind of stuff about the back office. David said that he likes the friction on the air with Howard. He said there is an opportunity to have fun with the brand. He said he loved when Howard would do the live shows and the Son of the Beach kind of stuff. He said he thinks if he got behind it and produced it he'd love it. He said they could have the Wack Pack do a sitcom or something. Jason said David has a production company so c'mon. David said he's not sure Howard wants to do it.
Jon said he didn't want to gloss over Steve-O because he was great on the show. Gary said he likes the guy and he always has. He said he thought he was going to die years ago. He said he was on an email chain and he thought he was going to be dead by the end of the week at one point. He said he told Howard that back then too.
Gary asked Will if he was surprised that Steve didn't have any surprises with him today. Will said he wasn't because he is a game show host now. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show asking Brian Phelan if he believes that the world is ending on December 21st. Brian said that he doesn't think it's ending but something will happen. Howard asked why he believes that. Brian said it has something to do with astronomy and how the earth is going to be blocked by the sun or something. He said he can't remember exactly what it is. Brian said it has something to do with the sun. He said the waves of the sun are going to knock out the power for years.
Howard said Brian is a camera operator and works for Howard TV. He asked what else it is that he believes in that could end the world like this. Brian said he saw a TV show about it and they said the solar flares could knock out the power. Howard asked if Glenn Beck is into this stuff too. Brian said he doesn't know about that. He said he just thinks something can happen. Howard asked what he's doing to prepare for this. Brian said he's not doing anything. Howard said he heard he's stockpiling stuff. Brian said he's not. He said he doesn't know what else to do. He said he's just going to live his life. He said if something happens then whatever.
Howard said if he really believes it then he should stockpile. Brian said he just thinks that something could happen. Howard said he can tell by his weight that he's not stockpiling anything. Howard said Brian is a real man and he's not whining about how much he ate on Thanksgiving. Howard told him to take his cock out and just swing it around. Brian said he'll show it to George Takei next week.
Howard asked if Brian believes that the Pentagon wasn't hit by a plane. Brian said that's right. He said he saw the hole in the building and it was a perfectly round hole. He said there is no footage of the plane going into it. He said there was only video of an explosion. Howard said he had a good point there. Howard said he's starting to win him over now. Brian said the footage they had was from a gas station 3 blocks away. He said that can't be the only footage.
Howard said Maybe the power will go out on December 21 and Brian will be a general like on Revolution. Howard said he seems to be the kind of guy to be like that. Brian said he got into a fight the other night. He said some guys were slam dancing and he pushed them back and they wanted to fight. Brian said he's 43 and he doesn't want to fight. He said he just pushed the guy and they all fell on the floor. He said they were all eyeing him like they wanted to take him out. Brian said his friend told them that he's not the guy they want to mess with. Howard said he's always the one who people want to mess with. Brian said he's not like that though. Howard said he's a gentle giant. Brian said that's exactly what he is.
Howard asked Brian what his last fight was. Brian said it was like when he was in his 20s at a bar. He said he has had things almost go down but he just pushes guys and that's that. Brian said this guy came after his brother and he knocked him out and then the guy got up and he knocked him out again. He said he punched the guy right in the eye. He said the guy came at him the second time and he punched him out again.
Howard said Halle Berry's boyfriend got into a fight and got his ass kicked. Howard said real fights aren't like what you think they're like. Brian said he got into a fight with a bunch of guys for like 2 minutes and they were all coming at him and he was just throwing them around. He said he was wondering where the bouncers were and then all of a sudden he was picked up by 6 guys. He said he was out dancing with his wife and this girl kept bumping her. The girl started yelling at his wife and he got between them. The girl got bumped again and the girl charged her. He said the guys she was with charged him and he had to take care of them. Brian said the guys were probably 6 inches shorter than him. He said he knew he was going to get his ass kicked outside by the bouncers so he asked for his shoe and his wife. He said he explained to them what was going on and they backed down. Brian said this guy took a stake and started charging him outside. He said he turned the bouncers on that guy and they tackled him and threw him in a police car.
Howard said everyone gets bumped on the dance floor. Brian said that chick probably had something to prove. Howard asked if he was dancing Gangnam Style. Brian said this was way before that. He said his son was dancing Gangnam Style last night. He said it was hysterical. Fred played the song as they were talking about it.
Howard read that Brian saw the band Man O War the other night. Brian said that's right and they're a satanic metal band. Howard said of course you're going to get into a fight there. Brian said he knew that could happen. He said that the show was really good. He said the guys used to be in loin cloths back in the day. Howard said he's never heard of them. Brian said Richard sent him a picture of them the other day and he said Richard is so gay.
Howard said Howard TV has video of Brian dancing. Howard saw that and said he's a horrible dancer. Howard said he takes up the whole floor. He was dancing with Miss Howard TV. Howard said that he takes up the whole room when he dances. Brian said that Miss Howard TV was laughing at him but who cares. Howard said she's a hot Miss Howard TV. Brian said she was his favorite. Howard said he could watch that all day.
Howard said Bobo agrees with him about December 21st. Howard picked up on him and Bobo said that something is going to happen on December 21st. Bobo said they're building bunkers under the Denver airport and they're almost done. Howard asked Bobo how much he wants to bet that nothing will happen. Howard said Bobo's IQ is 89. Bobo said he doesn't believe that's right. Bobo said he thinks outside the box because he doesn't want to be in the box. Howard said he's not sure how bright Brian is.
Howard said at least Brian isn't stockpiling. He said he bets that Bobo is. Bobo said he's going to get out of there on December 21st. He said he's going to try to get into an abandoned missile silo. Howard said he's the idiot there working while Bobo is looking for a missile silo.
Howard asked Bobo what he's stockpiled. Howard asked if this is his second marriage. Bobo said it is. Howard said he has a new kid with this new wife. Bobo said he has canned foods and Army surplus foods too. Robin asked if he has any weapons. Bobo said he doesn't. Howard said he's going right over to Bobo's house to steal the food then. Howard asked Bobo if he'll take that hair piece off after the blackout. Bobo said he might. Howard asked if the shrine is protected. Bobo said he'll have sandbags all over the place to protect it. Howard said Bobo is right by the water. Bobo said he's tired of water and he wants to move. Brian said he won't be able to sell that house in a week.
Howard asked Bobo how long he thinks he can stay alive while the rest of them are starving. Bobo said maybe 6 months. Howard said that's smart because he can last that long and then go steal the rest of the canned food when everyone is dead.
Howard asked Bobo why he doesn't have any weapons. Bobo said he has a 6 year old so he doesn't have anything around. Howard said he has guns. He said he can go take Bobo out if something happens.
Howard said if there were no laws would you kill people? Brian said he would do that to some people on the expressway. Robin said everyone becomes a killer because you have to survive.
Bobo said they could have a grid out and they might not have electricity. Howard asked Brian if he really believes this Nostradamus stuff. Brian said it was NASA saying this. Robin asked if they're getting prepared like Bobo is. Brian said he doesn't know what they're doing.
Howard asked Bobo if he believes the Pentagon wasn't hit by a plane. Bobo said he does. Howard said he and Brian should get together and talk about this stuff. He said they have similar thoughts on this stuff. Howard asked if they have a Mayan calendar to keep track of this stuff.
Robin said that Howard is taking Brian's word on the Pentagon thing. Robin said that Brian just didn't see the footage. Howard said that he wants to get out of this job so he's hoping the power does go out on December 21st. Howard said he doesn't care if it goes out. He's going to Bobo's house to get food. He said he has two weapons so he'll be able to take him out. Howard said he should go down to the firing range to prepare.
Howard let Bobo go and said he hopes he makes it. Bobo said he does too. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said Brian isn't prepared but he is convinced that something will happen. Howard asked what's going to happen on December 22 and nothing happened. Brian said he'll just be glad nothing happened. Howard thanked him and let him go too.
Gary said there are articles online that say that the Mayan calendar has been reinterpreted and that's why they think something is going to happen on the 21st.
Howard said he wants to blame Charlie Sheen for the whole thing. Howard said that guy is something. Fred played a clip of Charlie doing his ''Winner, winner Sheen dinner'' thing. Robin said she feels bad for Jon Cryer because he has to work with these people. Howard said that guy savors his paycheck. Robin said he's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Howard said Charlie Sheen should have appreciated the pay check. Howard said this 19 year old doesn't know what it's like. He said he's a douche and he's been living in Hollywood and he thinks this is what everyone gets out there. He doesn't understand the struggle.
Howard said he has something disturbing to play. He said he hesitates to play it. He said years ago Gary fell in with a religious group and recorded this. Howard played the clip and it was like the Angus T. Jones tape but with Gary telling people not to listen to the Howard Stern Show anymore. Howard said maybe this kid is sick of being called half a man. He said the most disappointed in this kid is Scientolgists because they weren't able to get that cash cow for themselves. Howard said they're wondering how they missed him.
Howard said they put out a statement saying that this was all one big misunderstanding for this kid. Howard said there was no misunderstanding. Howard asked if Jackie Martling is advising this kid. Howard did his Jackie impression and goofed on him for leaving the show the way he did. Fred threw in some Jackie laughs while Howard was doing that.
Howard said we should lock Angus in a room with Jackie to show him what his life is like now. Howard did his impression of Jackie doing his ''Joke Hunt'' show. He did Jackie laughs and blamed the Mayan calendar for doing this to him.
Howard said it's almost time for the annual Christmas party where Jackie corners him and thanks him for letting him do his show there.
Howard said that if this was a Christmas show he would take Angus to Jackie's house as the Ghost of Christmas Future to show him what his life will be like. He said he hopes some people get a hold of this kid and straighten him out. Robin said it seems that someone has. Howard said they found out that the T in his name stands for ''Totally fucking nuts.'' Howard said this kid has no clue how fantastic that money is that he makes. Howard said Chuck Lorre is such a talented guy and no one appreciates him. Howard said this kid is getting $8.5 million to do the show and he hates the guy who started it. Howard said that set is cursed.
Howard said Ashton Kutcher is a billionaire from investments he's made. Howard said he's invested in internet companies and he's done very well. Howard said he must understand the internet companies. Robin said a lot of the time these guys just luck out and they get credit for that. Howard said he was going to invest in an internet company. He wanted to call Ashton and ask what he should invest in. Howard wondered if they just give him pieces of stuff because of his name. Robin said that's probably it.
Howard said he was watching this internet company that has him on it all the time. Howard said it's called Google. Howard said he's on there every day. He said he knows it's going to hit big. He said he's thinking of buying it. He was joking. He said he's been watching this company on the web and he did think about investing. Howard said his dad could have invested in Kentucky Fried Chicken when they were starting out. Howard said his dad could be a billionaire if he had invested. Howard said his dad blames his mother for not letting him invest.
Howard said Riley is blaming him for this because of the little money they pay him. Howard said if he didn't have the radio show then whose fault would it be?
Howard played another clip where a caller told Riley that if he gets pulled off the air he won't be happy. Riley said they wanted him to do that Thanksgiving show on Wednesday night and Eron didn't inform him of that. Howard said Riley blames everyone else for all of this stuff. Riley and the caller were talking about the things going on with his show. Riley said that he would have put the dentist off if he knew he was doing a show that day. Howard said in all fairness he has to say that he did do his show on Wednesday so the dentist could have been open. Robin said that he has sounded like this before though. Gary said that one time it was ''food poisoning.''
Howard played more of Riley complaining about what he gets paid there. He said that he needs the money so he had to do the show that night. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and introduced the ZZ Top song as it was starting. Howard said they only have 24 days before the world ends. Howard introduced himself as some of the guys from WNBC. Howard said he loves these guys ZZ Top. Howard said Robin should blow them. Robin said Howard is the one who loves them, not her. Howard said she should do him a favor and blow them. Howard let the song play and joked around about what it was like working at WWWW in Detroit back in the day.
Howard said he likes that Bobo is stockpiling. He quickly moved on to talk about this Elmo guy, Kevin Clash. Howard said that the odds of making it as a puppeteer are very slim. Howard said that all you have to do is stick your hand up a puppet and make it talk. Howard said that you sit there and collect a paycheck for working a puppet. Howard said there are guys driving trucks who would give their left nut to be that puppet. Howard said you have to think this through. He said if you're dying to fuck a 16 year old, just wait until their 18. Howard said there are 25 year olds who look 12. He said that you can find older guys who look 16. He said it's harder to find adults who look 5. Howard said the only adult he knows who looks like a 5 year old is Eric the Actor.
Howard said at this point it's harder to name guys who haven't had sex with this guy. Howard said he can't imagine being with a 16 year old is that different than an 18 year old. Howard said the guy is out of his mind. Robin said Justin Bieber looks like he's 15. Howard said he does. Howard said there must be more of him around.
Howard said there's a musician by the name of Ryan Leslie who is being sued. Howard said he had a laptop and it was stolen. Howard said he had written his album on the laptop and he offered a million dollar reward for it. Howard said that the guy got his laptop back and then refused to pay the reward. Howard said he kind of understands that. Howard said if you return something like that you should do it for the right reasons, not just for the money. Howard said he hopes the jury throws this thing right out. Howard said that you could say you're going to give 50 billion and not give them anything. You just want your stuff back.
Howard said that you should just return it with a smile on your face. Howard said you don't look for a million dollars. Howard said this thing was stolen from him. Robin asked if it was stolen or lost. Howard said he'll read the article to her.
Howard read about this guy Ryan Leslie and he offered the money because he wanted his music back. By the time he got the computer the music was gone. Howard said that the guy who found the computer returned it to Ryan when he found it in a black back while walking his dog. Howard said he should have just done the right thing and just given the computer back. Howard said that Ryan had posted videos asking for the computer to be returned. Howard said that he would lie too. He said he's going to offer a reward for his stolen stuff and then say ''fuck you'' when he gets it back.
Howard said that Ryan didn't pay because his management told him there may have been foul play. Howard said of course there was foul play. Howard said he wouldn't pay that money back either. He said that you return something if it's someone else's. Howard said that if you do that then your god will reward you. That's what they say anyway. Howard said this article says that he has a girlfriend. He said once he meets Robin he may dump her.
Howard said he has another song parody called ''Oh Holy Nose'' about himself. Howard played that one and it was by a woman. Howard said he likes that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''Private Parts'' was an answer to one of the questions on Jeopardy last night. Howard said someone on that show must be a big fan of his. He said they've done that about 10 times with the Private Parts movie or book. Howard said he had the clip but he wasn't able to find it. Howard asked where it was. Will told him where it was but he still wasn't able to find it. JD told him where it was and it was listed as ''TV clip...'' Howard said he should call it ''Jeopardy clip.'' Howard said they have the worst system there.
Howard played the Jeopardy clip and it was under the category ''Best Sellers'' and the contestant almost screwed up when she said ''Howard ... Who is Howard Stern.'' Howard asked his dad how that is that he's a clue on Jeopardy. Howard said that his dad watches that show every night so he must have seen that. Howard said it's all water under the bridge now anyway. He said he's doing just great. Howard said he doesn't see Ben Stern on Jeopardy. Howard said he's never an answer on Jeopardy. Howard thanked the caller for the call.
Howard said he's having a date with his wife tonight. He said they have a dinner and she's planned something special for him. Howard said he didn't want to say what it is but it was very thoughtful of her. Howard said he's happily married. Howard said he really is. Robin said he thinks he is.
Howard said they have some fun things going on at HowardStern.com. He said they have pictures of Steve-O's past stunts. He said they have the Embedded blog about Medicated Pete. He said Steve Brandano's blog is up there too. He said he's an artist of some sort. Howard said they have Miss Howard Stern Mickey May up there too. Howard said they have screen captures of some of the stuff people have on their cell phones there on the staff. He said they have a lot of things happening there on the web site.
Howard played Wolfie interviewing people at the Justin Bieber concert. He was asking people outrageous things about Justin to see how the fans responded. Wolfie asked if they were surprised to learn that he's using the N-word on his next album. One woman said that she wasn't surprised at all. She said he's growing up. Wolfie asked some other wacky questions and the woman didn't care.
Howard played another one where Wolfie asked if the Beatles or Justin Bieber's music will be more enduring. That woman said it would be Justin Bieber. Wolfie asked about some other things and the woman was in full support of Justin no matter what Wolfie asked.
Howard played more interviews and they were all in full support of Justin no mater what Wolfie threw out there. Howard said they could have taken it even further with the questions.
Howard said Wolfie went out and interviewed people waiting in line for this new Black Ops game. Howard asked DePace if he has played that one. Scott said he has but not much. He said his kids have it. Howard said Wolfie goes out and asks people about the characters they would be willing to play in a game. Wolfie asked if they would play an SS Soldier and round up the Jews. One guy said that would be hilarious and you could have a 8 million to 1 kill to death ratio. The guy had no problem with killing Jews in the game. Howard said this guy would support a game where you gas the Jews in a concentration camp. Howard said he wasn't the only one.
Howard said Wolfie asked the guys on line the same question. Howard played more of their answers and they were all saying that they would be willing to play that game if they were killing Jews. One guy said it would be great to just shove the Jews in the oven. That guy said he would just glue a penny on the ground and capture the Jews that tried to pick it up.
Gary said they were talking about this game in the back. He said you can hear the guys talking on the headsets and there is a lot of racism going on when you listen in. Gary said his son plays that stuff and he should probably not let him.
Howard played more of Wolfie asking these guys questions. He asked one guy if he shits before playing so he doesn't have to interrupt the game. That guy said he does. He was also willing to play the Jewish Black Ops game. He said he would even torture Jews in the game if they had that. The guy also said that he has used the N-word while playing the game.
Howard said he's thinking of inventing that game with Hitler. He said he could make a fortune. He said he already has a bad reputation so how much worse could it get? Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and listened to that Little Mikey song a parody that Fred was playing. Howard read some email about Jon Hein and his claims of not masturbating. Howard said someone asked why Jon is so familiar with clearing the history on his iPad browser if he's not beating off. Howard said this guy had a good point. Howard said there could be some truth to that. Howard said his cache is ridiculously offensive. Howard said it's either Apple computer links or babysitter porn. Howard said the other night he watched woman on woman porn. He said the women in porn these days are really hot. He said you can tell that times are tough when super models are doing lesbian porn. Howard said they have perfect bodies and no cellulite or anything.
Howard read an email from a guy who said he heard GEEKTIME for the first time but he doesn't like Ralph on it.
Howard asked Jon Hein how he's so familiar with removing his history but claiming he doesn't masturbate. Jon came in and said that it is an interesting theory but it's not true. Jon said that if he buys his wife a gift or something he wants to clear the history. He said he doesn't watch porn. Howard said he and Jon talk more off the air than anyone else there. Howard said he and Jon talk a lot about computers. Howard said he likes doing the Facetime thing. Howard said Jon will hold up his dog for a second and then he'll ask about computers. Howard said they use this thing called Connections to talk and he named their internal system Moldred. Howard said that he and Jon talk a lot about iPads and things like that. Howard said the iPad Mini is great. He said for him he can carry it in his man bag. He said it's super light weight. Howard said he got a great case for it. Howard showed it to Jon to make him jealous. He said it's from a company called Kava J. Howard said that it has a pen and a place for paper. He said he doesn't have to carry a pad of paper. Howard said he can fold it up just like Jon can. Howard showed how it works and the iPad fell over.
Jon said he doesn't get why he carries a pen and paper. Howard said sometimes he's in a meeting and he has to jot something down quickly. Howard said he might have to get something down quickly and get them on paper. He said he has a stylus with a pen in it. Robin asked if he talks texts into that too. Howard said he does.
Jon asked if he showed Tim that cover. Howard said he didn't and he won't show it to him. Howard said he will put a Howard 100 sticker on the thing but he's going to wait for Ralph to do that for him.
Jon said that case is nice but he won't get it. Howard said he will get it. Jon said he doesn't need the pen. Howard said he does but he just doesn't realize it.
Howard said he checks his Twitter and Facebook and things like that on his iPad. Howard said he texts on his iPad all the time. Howard said he uses his phone less now. Howard said he uses his Google Voice now. He said he loves it. He loves technology.
Robin asked if she leaves him a voice mail if he gets it as an email. Howard said that's the way it works and Robin needs it. Robin said she doesn't want any of this. Howard said she does but she just doesn't know it yet.
Howard said he loves Apple hardware. He said that he hasn't watched any TV on his Mini yet. Jon said he has and it works for him. Howard said he likes watching TV on the iPad. Howard said he puts on his headphones and lays in bed watching it. He said he's so happy getting into bed and watching shows like Dexter.
Howard told Gary he has to do something for him. Howard asked him to call Showtime and ask for all of the DVDs for this season. Howard said they don't have it on iTunes yet. Gary said he'll do that. Howard said he has to catch up but they're not available for downloading yet. Howard said he wants to put them on his iPad. Robin asked if he has Apple TV. Howard asked her not to overload him. Howard said he just wants the DVDs.
Howard read an email from someone who asked him to do AGT for another season. Howard asked Eric if he had a woman who was a 10 and she wanted to have sex with him but she insisted on calling him Eric the Midget, would he do it. Eric said that's being disrespectful. Howard said that she would be hotter than any chick he's ever been with. Eric said he realizes what he's saying. Howard said he thinks he would put up with it. Howard said he thinks his integrity would go right out the window. Eric said he would have to think about that.
Howard said Eric puts a lot of thought into his answers. He said if he was ever on Inside the Actor's Studio it might sound like this... He had a bit ready to go. It was Eric being interviewed on Inside the Actor's Studio. They had Eric cursing people out and telling them to back the fuck off him.
Howard said that's what it would sound like if he ever got on that show. Robin was missing so Howard asked where she was. Fred played a toilet flushing sound. Howard said he understands now.
Eric said that Jeremy Borash was supposed to call in and explain what was going on with that email from yesterday. Howard said if he calls in he'll pick up on him. He put Eric back on hold. Howard said he wanted to rapidly hang up on him when he brought up that TNA wrestling thing again.
Howard played a Christmas song parody by Big Foot Jr. about Eric the Actor. Howard then got back to the email and read one from a guy who asked what Tim Sabean had on the day he weighed in. He figured that he had some heavy shoes on that day. Howard said he doesn't think he's that thought out.
Howard had some feedback about the Riley Martin audio he played. Howard said he also had a lot of feedback about the Back Office Radio show. Howard said people like the show. Howard said it's good to hear some positives about the show. Howard read a few of those and some people said they know who David Heydt is.
Howard said that he did get some requests to cancel Back Office Radio. Howard read through some of those. Someone said they don't care about who works in the back office and what they have to say. Howard said this guy asked if they're going to give the electricians there a show next. Howard said he may have audio of that actually. They had created a bit based on that email. He played the audio where they had a couple of Electricians talking about the other electricians there at Sirius.
Howard said someone asked why he uses the word ''Lest'' when he's talking. Howard said that he does that because it's an inside joke about a phony phone call they've played on the show a million times.
Howard read an email about the Steve-O interview and how he ruined it by talking about his relationship with Johnny Knoxville. Howard said he's not sure what show this person is listening to. He said he simply inquired about why they don't hang out. Howard said he thinks he did a wonderful job. Howard added that ''Lest anyone think...'' line. That led into the prank call he took that from. It's the OJ Simpson ''And Baba Booey to y'all'' prank call that a guy did to ABC News when they were covering the OJ chase. Al Michaels is the one who said ''Lest anyone think...'' at the end of the call.
Howard said Peter Jennings wasn't thrown by anything. He said he'll talk to anyone. Howard said the guy was like out of Amos and Andy and Peter didn't think anything of it. Howard said that was some report.
Howard said that whole OJ thing was crazy. He said he got off in the case and didn't go to jail over that. Robin said that there is a guy who claims he killed Nicole and Ron. Howard said OJ is in jail for something else now so who cares.
Howard said he was reading about Alec Baldwin and his cute blonde stalker. Howard said he doesn't get that, he gets Bobo instead. Howard said he would like to text Bobo that he'd like to break up. Howard said that's what Alec allegedly did with this stalker. He texted her to tell her it was just a one night stand after he was with her. Howard said Alec's new wife is super hot.
Howard said that a photo of the iceberg that took down the Titanic is up for sale. They expect to get about $10,000 for it. Robin said that they don't show the Titanic hitting it, it was taken weeks before. It might not even be the right one.
Howard said they had David Arquette in there yesterday talking about going to India to shoot a movie. Howard said even Robin told him he was nuts and she's gone to Guatemala and done Ayahuasca there.
Howard read that Chris Christie is going to run for governor of New Jersey again. Howard read some other news and read about some nude protesting that was going on. Howard said that he found Sal and Richard there nude this morning so he asked if they were protesting something but they had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard said that they talked about Angus T. Jones already. He said that whole show seems like a Punk'd episode. He said that it's like Charlie Sheen and Angus are goofing on Chuck Lorre. Howard said he makes them billionaires and they piss on him. Howard asked what kind of bizarro world this is.
Howard said that they just got word that David Arquette has landed in India and he already has diarrhea and leprosy.
Howard said that they are working on the Howard Stern Musical but it's about 7 hours long. He said he has to cut it down. Howard said it should be ready in about a year. Howard said they have to have rehearsals and stuff. Howard said they have to take it out of town but no one is going out of town so they'll do it there.
Howard said one day he'll just play every song they've created and they'll cut the songs they don't want. Howard said he has to ask the callers who they want too. Howard said a lot of people don't like Jason so he may have to cut him but then maybe they will want to see him in it. Howard said JD has ruined the whole play because he wrote a bunch of songs about him hating Jason and now they've made up. Howard played one of the songs they did together. He had JD and Jason singing ''I Hate You Asshole'' to the tune of ''I've Got You Babe.'' Howard asked if they should cut that. Robin said they might be back at it soon if the Back Office Radio show continues.
Howard played another song where JD sings about Jason and how much he hates him. He had another song where Jason sings about DePace and what a douche he thinks he is. These songs are all done to the tune of songs from musicals or popular songs. Jason's singing was really bad in that song. Robin said he was really singing with feeling in that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the Hendrix song a little bit. Howard said they say that Jimi's birthday was this week and he would have been like 71 years old. Howard said you know if he was alive today and he'd be sitting next to him on the AGT judging panel. Fred said he thought he was born in December. A few seconds later he said that Howard was right and it was the 27th of November.
Howard said every year they come to him and ask him to go to the Exotica convention. Howard said he wasn't sure he wanted to get into this now. He went to the phones instead.
Howard took a call from Hanzi and asked how long it would be before he starts yelling at him. Hanzi said it depends on what his mind game is. Howard said Hanzi is ill and he has a psychological condition he's supposed to be medicated for. Howard said Hanzi thinks he has some kind of game plan to make him crazy and he doesn't. Howard said Hanzi is nuts and he's not playing any game. Hanzi said Howard is starting to do it now. He said he's the man and that's why he's doing this to him. Howard said he's not trying to make him nuts. He said he's just looking for a good phone call.
Howard asked what Hanzi wanted. Hanzi said that Howard is well aware of what is going on with the conspiracy theories and he just plays dumb. Howard laughed. Howard asked Hanzi what his condition is. Hanzi told Howard to tell him. Howard said he doesn't know what it is. Hanzi said he's bipolar. Howard said that's what they're dealing with. Howard said Hanzi thinks that he knows more about conspiracy theories and he really doesn't. Howard said he doesn't think the government lied to them about the Pentagon. Robin asked who is giving Howard this information. Hanzi said Robin is the one who plays along with this stuff the most. Howard said he believes that 9/11 was 9/11 and that's it. Hanzi said they try to downplay him like he's nuts. Howard said he is nuts. Howard said he told them that he doesn't take his medication. Hanzi said he does take his medication.
Howard asked Hanzi what he's accusing him of. Hanzi said he's not accusing him of anything. Howard asked why he would hide the conspiracy. Hanzi said they have to keep their mouths shut because they're celebrities. Howard said the only celebrity he knows is Jimmy Kimmel.
Hanzi said to get famous you have to sell your soul. Howard said that he got where he is because he put hard work into his career. Hanzi said that's not true because if that was the key to success then there would be a lot of famous sweat shop workers.
Howard asked Hanzi if he knows who David Heydt is. Hanzi said he does. Howard said he just wanted to know. Howard said that Hanzi thinks that he got famous by being in some special club that hides these conspiracies. Hanzi said that Howard knew about all of this stuff before 9/11 and he used to say that we had to bomb these countries. Howard said that he has to think about what he's saying. He asked Hanzi who else is in this club that he thinks he's in. Hanzi said there are evil people in there. He said they're the Zionists. Howard said the Zionists don't want anything to do with him. Howard said he doesn't even know who they are or what they do. Hanzi said he knows who they are. Howard said he really doesn't. Howard said Angus T. Jones makes more sense than Hanzi.
Howard said he wants to talk about Medicated Pete. Hanzi said he's brushing him off again. Howard hung up on him. Howard said no one is helping that guy and he makes no sense. Robin said it's the same thing over and over.
Howard said Pete was sent to the Exotica convention last year. He said they sent him this year and this will probably be the last year. Howard said they spend hours writing questions for Pete and they tell him to ask the questions on the paper. He said they write like 50 questions for him. Howard said they tell Pete if he can't ask them then he's useless to them. He said Pete will fixate on two questions and doesn't ask the other 48. Howard said Pete fixated on ''Do you like black or white penis?'' and ''Have you ever had a sex toy shoved up your ass?'' He said the rest of the time he asks if they're attracted to him and if they know he has a big cock.
Howard said he sits and listens to all of this and it's the exact same interview with every girl. Howard played one of the interviews and Pete asked one girl about what she likes to do and they got fixated on her looks. He was asking about the tattoos she had an said they turn him on. He asked the two questions Howard mentioned and then told her to have a wonderful evening.
Howard said that was fine but then he goes and does the exact same interview. Howard played another one and the girl said that she found Pete attractive so Pete got fixated on that. Pete asked what color cock she prefers. She said it's all cock so she likes it all. Then Pete asked her for her phone number. She wouldn't give it up.
Howard said the guys asked him not to send Pete again this year. Howard played another interview and Pete asked the girl the same questions and got nothing out of the girl. Pete let her go after those couple of questions. Howard said they listened to hours of tape to hear this and he asked the same two questions over and over. Howard said maybe he can't read or something. Howard said he should send him in there with a handful of Scrabble tiles and see how he does.
Howard played another interview and Pete asked about something the woman was promoting there. Pete said he was getting turned on. The woman said she was too. He eventually asked her the same questions. Howard said he's not sure how many more of these they can listen to. They're the same thing over and over.
Howard played another interview where Pete asked the same questions. She said she had never done black cock. Howard said Pete just loses his train of thought and because she likes white cock he thinks he can get with her. Pete told the woman that he has a huge cock and she should see it. The porn star said they turn her on so much. Howard said the two of them deserve each other.
Howard said Pete only asked those two questions and as soon as they said they like white cock his head would explode. Howard played another one where Pete did the same thing. The girl said that she likes white cock so he told her he was the guy for her.
Howard said they waste their time writing questions for Pete and he only asks those two. Howard played another one and the woman said that she doesn't like black cock. She said that she likes medium white. Pete said he has a big one. He said that's what he's been told. Howard said Pete keeps the microphone on himself too. He said he forgets to put it up to them. Howard said this is the one guy who can creep out women who get cum shots on them for a living.
Howard said it's just too much. He asked what the other Medicated Pete things were there. Howard said he thinks he's had enough. JD came in and said the top one is Pete saying he wants to be dominated by a girl. Howard said he's not sure he wants to hear that. JD said he gets spanked in that one. He said in the second one it's kind of hard to hear but he gets electrocuted. Howard asked if you can hear him screaming. JD said he can't talk in that one. Howard stated to play one of the clips but stopped it saying he's had enough of Pete.
JD said Pete told one of the girls that he'd be up for getting a strap-on up the ass when one of the girls asked if he'd do that. Robin said she has to sees the Howard TV special about Pete. She said she has to see it all. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Fred found the clip of Scarborough reporting on the Arnold story. They thought that it was really Arnold on the Stern Show and quoted some of the stuff Fake Arnold said on the show.
Howard said Joe really told him. Howard said this reminds him of a story today on The Onion where they ran a picture of the dictator of China, Kim Jong Un, and they picked up on that in China and believed it was a real story. Howard said it was absolutely ludicrous.
Howard said there is some story in the paper today about blowing up the moon. The caller said that's why he called in. He said back in the 60s they wanted to nuke the moon. Howard said he's not against blowing up the moon. He said he thinks the world would be better off.
The caller asked Howard if they prearrange with guests if they'll take calls or not. Howard said they do not. The caller said he thinks that Howard let Kid Rock off really light with the Romney questions. Howard said he doesn't want to get into a heavy conversation about politics with Kid Rock. Howard said he just asked what was going on with the Romney thing and why he was supporting him.
Howard said maybe the caller can do the show instead. The caller said if he did Robin would be there when he talks to her.
Howard said there was a guy on FOX News who said that they were shills for the republican party and they cut him right off and ended the interview. JD came in and told him where the clip was. Howard played that clip and this guy was being interviewed about a secretary of state nomination. He got cut right off when he mentioned that they were shills.
Howard had Andrea count the years again. Andrea said that it will be 11 or 12 in March. Howard said that 2002 to 2012 is not 12 years. Andrea said that it was in March that she was made Miss Howard Stern. She said she was counting by her age. Howard said she must be using the Mayan calendar.
Howard said Andrea's phone connection is horrible. He said that she should call in on a land line. Andrea said she has one but she's not on it. Howard asked if she likes white or black cock. She said she likes whichever one makes her happy.
Andrea said that she's calling in to talk about getting arrested and being on TMZ. She said that she never thought she would be on TMZ. Her phone kept cutting out so Howard had to hang up on her. He asked her to call in on a land line instead. Howard said he wanted to find out more about that accident but he can't hear her.
Fred played Andrea singing a country song. Howard went into a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that there is a new Rolling Stones movie out called ''Crossfire Hurricane.'' Howard wondered if it's a documentary. Gary said it's something about when they were first starting out. Howard said he'd rather see something from the 70s. Howard said he'd rather see them after they had emerged.
Howard had Robin start her news. Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. It was the ''Dropping Loads In Your Vagine or Rear'' that they played earlier in the show.
Robin started off with a story about the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting that's taking place tonight. Howard said he hates that. He said it makes a mess out of Manhattan. Howard said people come to stare at that tree like mental patients. Howard said it reeks havoc on the city.
Robin's computer started making noise. She had to turn it off. Howard said JD was listening to some porn this morning that sounded wild. He said he was in his office preparing for the show and he heard JD watching this porn. JD said it was a woman getting emotional while orgasming. Howard played the clip and the woman was making a lot of noise. Howard said he wouldn't have lasted this long. She was making noise for about 5 seconds before Howard said he'd be done. Howard said this woman was making noise that he's never heard before. Howard said she sounds like she's having sex with an emotional friend. Howard asked Robin if she's ever sounded like that. Robin said that woman is acting. JD said she's not acting.
Robin read about Rod Stewart putting out a new album and he has a special out on TV as well. Howard said he saw some of that and it was very odd. He said he was so great in his day and now. Howard had Fred play some of his good stuff from many years ago. Howard said he's kind of like Barry Manilow now. Howard said he actually talked to Barry at an event recently. Howard said Rod used to be really good back in the day. Fred was playing ''Stay With Me'' as they were talking about that. Howard wanted to hear some of his other good stuff but Fred was having a hard time finding anything. He played some of the awful Christmas music that Rod is doing now. Howard played some of their Christmas songs to get the Rod Stewart stuff out of their heads. He played the Andrew Dice Clay Jr. parody he played earlier. Gary told Howard that Lisa G just told him Rod was selling his album on QVC. He said that's when you know he's gone to the other side. Howard asked what happened to that guy.
Fred eventually found more of the good Rod Stewart stuff that Howard was talking about. They listened to some of that but the intro was very long. Howard goofed around with that for a short time.
Howard said this stuff does sell because he's number one on the adult contemporary list. Howard wondered who is listening to that stuff.
Howard took a call from Hanzi and told him to get his point out quickly. Howard said he has a show to do and Robin is doing the news. Hanzi said he could come into the studio some day and he hasn't let him do that. Howard told Gary to set Hanzi up for next year. Gary said he'll talk to him about it. Howard asked if Hanzi is dangerous. Gary said he gets angry but he's not sure if he's dangerous. Hanzi said he's harmless. Howard said he will have him in next year. Hanzi said ''Whatever...'' Howard said he's the only guy who gets his way and he's disappointed. Howard said he just agreed to have him in. Hanzi said he guarantees he won't have him in. Howard said he will have him in. Howard said Gary should write this down and talk about it. Hanzi said he thinks he should ask questions at a red carpet event. Howard said maybe he will have him do that. Howard said he really has to go.
Robin read about Consumer Reports doing a report about store bought pork and how it's got a lot of bacteria in it. Robin read that they found 60 percent of the samples had the bacteria. Howard said most people who have something going on are off pork and red meat. Robin said there are still a lot of pork and red meat eaters out there. Howard said his wife just taped a show with people who have pet pigs. He said that they're as smart as a 3 year old. He asked how you eat that.
Howard said Sal's aunt died of pork poisoning. Sal came in and said that they made their own sausages in the house and his dad used to eat the pork raw. Howard said he was going to vomit. Sal said his aunt caught Trichinosis and died. He said his dad still eats raw pork to this day though. He said he used to eat goat brain and he'd take it raw. He said it's really odd. Robin read a little more about that and Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a Kennedy who was in court over a scuffle at a hospital when he allegedly tried to remove his baby from the hospital without permission.
Robin read about a woman who was arrested for allegedly killing a couple of children in her apartment.
Robin asked Howard if he's done with playing chess. Howard said he is. He said he had to stop because he cared too much about it. Robin said there is a 2nd grader who is the best at it. Howard said that's what bothers him. He said he played a kid in high school who whipped his ass. Howard said he started too late.
Robin read a story about how a civil liberties group is suing the military over their policy to not allow women in battle. Howard said he thinks they should be allowed to battle along with the guys.
Robin read about the cigarette industry admitting that they lied about the health effects of smoking. Howard said they should have just told people it was bad for you. People would still smoke. Robin said that they have to pay to advertise and tell people that they lied for years.
Howard said they dug up Yasser Arafat's body to check for poisoning. Howard said he smelled worse going in than he did coming out.
Robin said that when we went to the moon they brought back moon rocks and gave one to each state. Robin said that they don't even know where most of these rocks ended up. They've gone missing over the years. Robin said in Minnesota they found one in a storage area. Robin said most of the 50 state samples have been misplaced. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how global warming is going to make sea levels rise faster than previously thought. Howard said he's not sure what to even do about that. Robin said we'd have to do something on a global basis. Howard asked if this is going to affect us in our lifetimes. Robin said no. She said it shouldn't drown them in their lifetimes. Howard said if they live another 40 years how many will suck. Robin said the last 10 might be tough. Howard said poor Beth will be like 50. He said that she'll have to hang out with a 90 year old.
Gary said that Richard no longer recycles because the hurricane ruined Halloween. Howard said he heard that and it's just stupid. He said that's the thinking of a moron. Howard said Richard is mad at the earth so he's not going to recycle to pay back the earth. Howard said he gets it but it's one of those ridiculous Richard and Sal things. He said it's not something he believes in.
Gary said that this global warming thing is science. Howard said some people don't want to believe that. Howard said DePace is one of those guys. DePace said that it's not proven. Howard told Scott to fuck off after arguing for a few seconds. Howard said he'll continue this argument from his gas guzzling limo. Howard said his limo consumes less gas than an SUV. Scott said he doesn't believe that. Howard told him to ask Ronnie. Ronnie came in and said that it does use less. He said that his truck gets about 12 MPG and the limo gets about 17. Howard said that's not bad. Ronnie said that the limo gets about 21 on the highway and the truck gets about 18 at the most. Howard asked what the pace car gets. Ronnie said that's like the limo. He said it does pretty well. Howard said maybe he should drive him around in his pace car. Ronnie said he won't fit. Howard said he knows. Ronnie said he was trying to be funny. Ronnie said Howard had a convertible and some guy jumped in. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Obama and how he has to get back into campaign mode in preparation for the fiscal cliff talk.
Robin read about China considering letting couples have more than one child. Robin said that they have a one child policy there now.
Robin read about how the Egyptians are still protesting their president's decree that he has all powers there. Howard wondered how he thinks he's going to get away with that.
Robin said World AIDS day is Saturday. Robin said there are many people who are infected with HIV and don't even know it. Robin said there are kids involved in sexually risky behavior.
Robin read about the powerball jackpot being up to $500 million. Robin said that your chances of winning are 1 in 175 million. Robin said they say if you took the lump sum you'd come out with about $375 million. Howard said he won't chip in with office workers. He said he'd want it all for himself. Robin said those pools often win. Howard said he'd want it all for himself. Robin said the best place to be for taxes is Connecticut. Robin said the tax rate is very low there. Robin said you take more money home there if you buy the ticket there.
Robin read about the most popular searches on Bing.com. Robin said Kim Kardashian is the most searched for this year. Howard said she does nothing. He doesn't get it. Howard said Ryan Seacrest might be a genius for knowing to put her on TV. Howard said good for him. He said it's pretty awesome. Robin said Khloe Kardashian is the worst on X-Factor. Howard said he would meet them and say no one would be interested in them but Ryan has got something. Howard said it's killing him. Robin said he can't say that.
Robin said that the Cyrus family is another one. She said they keep churning out stars. Howard said Miley looks like Justin Bieber with tits now. Robin said they say that Miley's younger brother, Brayson, has signed a modeling contract. Robin said the family keeps turning out good looking kids.
Robin said that Randy Travis has given up drinking according to his attorney. Robin said he has been arrested 3 times in the past couple of years for drunk driving and being naked. Howard said that's really embarrassing. Robin said he also got into a fight at church while drunk. Howard said if he was naked he'd get the electric chair.
Robin read about Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina wanting to get into singing. Robin wrapped up and ended her news. Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary said Glenn Beck sells all kinds of survival stuff and he's praying on those people. Gary said he's going to buy his Christmas presents so he's not going to worry about it. Gary said he isn't a conspiracy theorist. He said that he is open to new ideas but he points out things that have happened in this country that are strange but sometimes you just want to get away from people.
Brian Phelan came in and said that he wasn't able to get his thoughts out this morning. He said he wasn't sure what to say. Gary said if that's your feeling then you should know it. Brian said that he doesn't believe any of the Nostradamus stuff but the solar flare thing is a real thing. He said that we could be out of power for years. He said there are flares that are coming.
Jon asked Brian if he felt dumb after Howard talked to him. Brian said he did because he wasn't able to get out the way he was thinking. He said we can't say that nothing will happen. We really don't know. Brian said it is something to think about. Gary said that you just live an extra week if you have a bunker.
Jon said that Brian is going to get a chance to dance again at the Christmas party soon. The guys talked about some of the other people they're looking forward to seeing dance this year. Jon Leiberman is one of them. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard has always thought Brian was the guy's guy. Gary said that he and Brian used to talk a lot and he really is a good guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Phelan could live off his neck fat for a few weeks. Gary said he loves a guy who waits on hold for a long time with a joke that's moderately funny.
Jon took another call from a guy who said what you have to realize with the Pentagon and 9/11 and all of that is that there are thousands of architects and engineers who have come out with theories about what happened. Jon said he doesn't want to get into all of that and said there are a lot of people who believe in those theories. Gary said that he never got anyone to explain to him why the government would have taken them down. He asked why that is. Jon said he doesn't know and he'd rather not get into it.
Jon said he wants to talk about Medicated Pete and Wolfie. He said it's ballsy to get a jingle written for you. Gary said Wolfie is part of the show now and he did kind of throw it out there. He said the guys in the meeting weren't able to come up with anything to goof on him about. Gary said he liked that 20th Century Fox jingle for him. He said if it was shorter then it might have worked.
Jon had Wolfie on the phone so he asked if he asked for the jingle. Wolfie said he just suggested it. He said he didn't demand it. Wolfie said he was looking for a Warren Zevon kind of jingle. Jon said that was one of the options.
Jon asked Wolfie who the crazier fans were, the Bieber fans or the Call of Duty fans. Wolfie said the Call of Duty fans were nuts. Gary said that he got a note from Wolfie about how most of the people waiting on line for that game were Anti-Semites.
Jon asked Wolfie how he would compare his interviews to Medicated Pete's interview style. Wolfie said that he thinks Pete has his own thing going and he goes at it a different way. Gary said Wolfie went to the Brony-con thing and he figured out what they were up to before going.
Jon asked Wolfie a couple more questions and told him that he has a jingle now. Wolfie said he'll listen now and check it out. They went to break a short time later.
Jon brought up the Rod Stewart discussion Howard had. Gary said he thought that he was going to give Rod a few years to come back but he's stuck with that new way of doing things. Jason said this seems to be his Genre now. Gary said he'd rather hear him do nothing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he would cut off the first part of the Wolfie theme song. Jon said they were just testing them out today. The caller asked who is most expressive with their love of their wife on the show excluding Howard. Jason said that the first name that comes to him is Teddy. He said that Punchy Punch love is special.
Jason said he knows people who are unhappy in their marriages like Sal and Scott the Engineer. He said he's not sure about the other way around. Jason said that Jon and Gary's wives are awesome and they seem to get along great. Jason said that Sal and his wife are hit or miss. He said sometimes they are inseparable and sometimes it's like they're two different people.
Gary said it would be interesting to talk to Brian Phelan about his marriage before they had kids. Jon said that Ronnie is happy with his girlfriend but he's not married. Ronnie said that he can't tell if Sal is serious or not. Jon said that Richard and his wife Kristin are very close too.
Jason said he feels like Richard is holding his wife hostage. He said that it seems that way to him. Jon asked if it's in a Stuttering John kind of way. Jason said it's close but John used to have his pregnant wife tying his shoes for him.
Gary said that Kristin has bought into the Richard Christy way of life. He said that she's into everything that he's into. She wasn't that way in the past. Ronnie said that Goodstein and his wife get along very well too. He said their relationship is weird. He said you should see the way they do things at the house. He said Doug does everything in that house. He said Doug will cook and take care of the kids.
Gary said they're funny. He said when you have kids your wife will do one thing while you watch the kids. Gary said that's what Stuttering John would make fun of him about. Jason said well one of you is still married.
Gary said that Tom Cotter and his wife were talking about how hard it can be. Gary said that there is a time when you come home from work and need to decompress. He said that can be tough to come home after a week and have your wife throw the kids at you.
Jason said that most people who talk about their wives at work are usually complaining. He said you don't hear positive things there.
Ronnie asked if Gary tells his wife he loves her. Gary said he doesn't say it enough. Ronnie said he just doesn't say it. He said if they're together then it's enough. Jason said if you're with Ronnie and he's not paying you then he loves you. Ronnie said ''Nice!''
Jon asked when he last said he loved his girlfriend. Ronnie said he said it a couple of months ago. He said he just told her that and she was like ''Oh my god.''
Jon said Howard said he was happy but then he wasn't sure if he was happy. Gary said he's happy but he over thinks things too much. Jon said he showed his love for his new case too. Jon said Tim asked him about the case when he came out of the studio so he thinks Tim will end up getting it.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who said that Gary talked about the friend on Diff'rent Strokes and she really did look a lot like Eric the Midget. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
KC The Stand-Up Comic? 11/29/00. 7:10am
A woman called in this morning and told Howard that she was at a comedy club the other night and KC was one of the comedians performing! She said he was awful and he only did about 3 minutes of his act before giving up. KC came in and said that he went down like a lead zeppelin that night. He said there is no worse feeling in the world than bombing in front of a crowd like that. He'd been keeping this stand-up career a secret because he didn't want Howard goofing on him. Now that the cat is out of the bag he's going to give Howard a tape of his act so Howard can hear it. He said that he's ready to give up on it for a while because he really bombed. He figures that since his material wasn't funny that night that it can't ever be funny. He told Howard he couldn't do any of his act on the show because it's all too dirty to air. He does Jesus jokes and other weird humor in his act according to the woman on the phone. KC eventually started yelling at the woman on the phone telling her she was a ''stupid bitch''. That was funny. Howard suggested that he do that in his act and he'd be funny. KC is now thinking of doing that.
Howard said that Stuttering John also has a secret stand-up career. He came in and said that he has done some stand-up and that he also didn't want to be goofed on about it. Howard said he wanted to hear his act also. John said he didn't have a tape of his act and Howard didn't believe him. He called him a liar and told him to get out of the studio.
After taking a break Fred had written some jokes for KC to use in his act. KC performed the act and it was actually funny. Some of the jokes were about peeing in bed and stuff like that. Then he had jokes like ''I saw a sign that said 'Wet Paint' so I pissed on it!'' He also said ''Don't you hate it when you fart in the bath tub and your mother gets out and puts her clothes back on?'' His final joke was ''I hate it when you're having sex on a plane and the pilot pushes you off his lap to land the plane.'' It was funnier than it reads here.
In the clip Howard was talking to a guy on the phone who said that he would bring a lot of money if he could come to their Christmas party. The guy said that he married into money and he doesn't have to work anymore. He told Robin and Howard how he met his wife and why he wanted to come to the party. He said he can help them out by giving them gifts for Christmas. The guy said he gets 4 checks per month so he has a lot of money coming in. He said he could be a millionaire if he got divorced. He said he had no idea she was rich when he married her.
Howard told the caller that there was no need to discuss this with his wife. The caller said he goes out to strip clubs in the afternoon. He told Howard he lives on the south shore of Long Island. He said they just bought a $500,000 house there. Howard asked if her parents are dead. The guy said they're not. Howard said he'd be even richer if they were. Howard asked if she has a sister too. The guy said she does and she's good looking too. He said their sex life is just okay. He said it gets worse and worse as time goes on. He said he hasn't had sex in about 2 months now.
Howard asked how much money he was going to bring. The guy said he wanted to throw a party but Howard cut him off and said no to that. Howard said he wants someone to help them out and make them rich. The guy said he had a total of about $200,000 to bring to the party. Howard said that sounds good to him. The guy said that Fred would get $10,000. Howard said Fred doesn't even need that much. Fred said he's looking forward to meeting him. The caller said that Jackie would get $20,000. He said he feels bad for Jackie selling his t-shirts and stuff. Howard said Fred doesn't even have that going for him. Howard said he thinks both of them should get $15,000. The caller said he could do that but the money would have to come out of Howard's tally at the end.
Howard said he created this program so he should get more than those guys. The caller said that Gary would get $20,000. Robin said she has to balk at that. Howard asked if he's serious about this. The caller said he is. Gary said he's the least salaried person on the show so he deserves it. He said that he's more needed than Fred is but Fred is more talented.
The caller said that Stuttering John is dedicated to the show. He said he likes him and when he saw him for the first time it threw him. He said he's going to give him $50,000 tax free. Howard asked the guy to get to him and Robin. The guy said he would give Howard $100,000. Howard said he's not impressed. Howard asked what Robin would get. The caller said she's kind of snippy so she has to be taught a lesson. Howard said he could see giving Robin something too. Robin said that's fine with her. The guy said he would give her something if it means he can get into the show. Howard said he's going to have him to the party either way.
Howard said he's happy to get anything. The caller said he thought he'd like $100,000. Howard asked if that's tax free. The guy said they could discuss that. Howard said he has to bring down that $100,000 and distribute it on the show.
Howard said he will set him up and bring him to the party. The caller said he doesn't want to give Robin anything because she throws off too much of an air like she's above people. Howard said he has a point there. Howard said if he gives him $300,000 he'll throw her off the show. The guy said he's very generous. Robin said she can tell.
The caller said that he tapes the show from 6-10 every day and that's what his job is now. Howard said he's going to have him at the party and they'll take it from there. Howard said his friendship can be bought.
Howard said that Robin has to be quiet until after the 15th when they have the party. Howard said he can come down there with the money and distribute it there. Robin sounded upset about the whole thing. Howard put the guy on hold so they could set him up to come in.
Howard said it would be cool if someone really showed up with money like that. Howard said he can't give Robin his gift money though. Robin said he could give her a gift of his own. Howard said they'll have to see if he shows up for the party. Robin said she's not sure why he was so mean to Fred.
Robin's TV Development Deal Discussed. 11/29/04. 6:35am
Howard came back from break and said that he was all over the news during vacation. He said that the Mel Karmazin thing got mentioned on the financial shows. Now satellite radio is a huge thing because of what he and Mel are doing. Howard says that this might be the biggest thing he's ever done in his career. He thinks it's remarkable that it's gotten the amount of attention that it's gotten so far. Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that the biggest thing he saw is that Robin might be leaving the radio show. He also brought up the news about Infinity coming out with new rules about their deejays and how they have to suspend anyone who gets an FCC complaint filed against them.
Howard started off talking about Robin's big news and how she's signed a deal to do a daytime talk show. Howard thought the whole thing sounded kind of odd to him so he has his own theories about what will happen. Robin said that she wanted to hear those theories first. She said that the story was kind of wrong and she's not leaving the show. Howard thought that she had signed the development deal for the TV show, which he thinks would be great, and he was looking forward to that. She could continue to work with the radio show until it takes off. Howard knows that she's not leaving the show and Robin said the NY Post just wanted a story so that's why they said what they said. Howard said she might leave if her show becomes as big as Oprah's or something. Chaunce asked Robin if she would prefer her own show or to keep her current job. Robin said she's been with Howard for 23 years and that's where she'd stay if she had to choose. Howard said she can have both shows, she doesn't have to make a choice. Howard was thinking about giving her a show over at Sirius as well. Robin wasn't sure what Howard was going to do for the next year so she started to look into her own thing. That's how that whole thing came about. Robin says it won't be like Oprah's show, it'll be a magazine type show where reporters will do stories for her. Howard said she could do things like bang a celebrity a week and talk about it on her show. She seemed to think that it was a good idea. Chaunce said that he saw a problem with that whole thing and that celebrities might not do her show. Robin told Chaunce that it's not a guest driven show though. Howard said that Robin could do her own thing and have a great show. Who knows how it will work out. Howard told Chaunce that Robin will get a huge audience for the first show and he thinks that the show would take off as long as it's halfway decent.
In the clip Gary told Howard that Scott's wife was on the phone. She told Howard that Scott does not smoke in the house. She said he's using the Patch. Howard said Scott is going to end up dying in the house. Stuttering John asked how many packs a day he smokes. Scott jokingly said 15.
Robin said that Grillo said that Scott's car smells bad from the smoking. He wasn't able to close the window in the car because of that and it was cold out.
Howard said that it's funny that they have a last name that's a cigarette name. Their name is Salem. Howard asked if they smoke Salems. Scott said he smokes Merit. Howard said he must smoke Camels because Scott is a hump.
Howard asked the guys how they think Scott will die. Robin gave him until 55 but the other guys said that he'll make it to about 50. Scott's wife said he's going to quit smoking so he'll be fine. Howard said that they should think about their son and not smoke around the kid. Fred guessed that he'd be dead by 53 from emphysema.
Howard let Scott's wife go and said that Scott claims that he never hacks up anything from his lungs. Scott said he really doesn't. Howard said he smoked for 5 or 6 years and he had that. Robin said you rattle and cough up that nasty stuff. Howard said Scott is a liar.
John Mellencamp Comes In. 11/29/01. 9:00am
John Mellencamp came in to promote his new album '' Cuttin' Heads'' this morning. Howard spent some time talking to John about his marriage and the chicks he used to get back in the 1980s. He also talked to him about being a rich guy now and how he spends his money. Howard heard that John had to cover up part of his guitar when he was on the Christmas tree lighting show. He has a guitar he's been playing for 30 years now that says ''Fuck Racism'' on it and they had to cover it last night. John said he had a better story. He played the White House a few years ago and had the same guitar but they didn't realize what was written on it until he was on stage playing it. John said Hilary Clinton was going crazy when she saw it and after the show an aide came up to the President and said they were swamped with phone calls about the guitar. John said Clinton told the aide to just tell the people that they had misread it.
Howard had John perform bits of some of his hit songs while he was sitting in. He played a little bit of ''Jack and Diane'', ''Pink Houses'', ''Small Town'' and a little bit of his new song ''Peaceful World.''
As Howard was getting ready to wrap up the interview he was told about this guy who used to play with John's band who was featured on America's Most Wanted. He was wanted for child molestation and they kept bringing up the fact that the guy was in John's band. John said he doesn't know why they did that because he hasn't worked with the guy since the early 1980's. John went on to tell some funny stories about how strange the guy was. One story involved a hooker. He said this guy never really looked at chicks so they sent a hooker up to his room to see what he'd do. They had a tape recorder going in his room to see what he said to her. John said that the guy ended up giving the hooker a back rub and sent her off. John said the guy was a great musician but he was really strange.
Howard had John perform one last song before he left. He played a little bit of ''Paper and Fire'' and then Howard wrapped up the interview. Earlier in the show Howard thought about having John play some ''Gay Chicken'' with KC but that didn't come up for some reason.
Paul Giamatti Visits. 11/29/10. 8:10am
After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to a restaurant asking about everything on their menu. Fred also played some Queen as they were coming back from break.
Howard came back and talked up the Queen song like he was working at WNBC. Then he played a clip from his movie ''Private Parts'' where Paul Giamatti, as Pig Virus, told Howard how to say ''W Nnnn BC.'' Howard laughed as he was listening to that.
Howard said Paul Giamatti is actually there. Howard said that Paul didn't even try to find out who Kevin Metheney was before playing that part. He said he pulled it off so well. Howard said that he hated that guy and he was plays such a dick to him. Howard said he was shocked that Paul had never even seen a picture of the guy or even heard him. Howard said he and Gary were talking about how he sounded so much like him. Howard said he still doesn't know how Paul did it. Paul said all he knew was that he was supposed to have some stupid southern accent. He said that it was very well written too so that helped. Paul said he didn't even know that the guy was a real guy. He thought it might be a compilation of guys he worked with. Howard said Paul nailed it completely. He said that he hopes that he gets to see the guy some day.
Howard said that Paul was supposed to take the place of Sean Penn in the Three Stooges movie. Paul said that he was asked about that by some guy but he didn't know it was a real thing. Then he read a script and it just went away so he's not sure what happened. Howard said there actually was a script then. Paul said there was and he read the script. He said it was interesting but it was weird.
Howard said that he would be intimidated playing Larry from the Three Stooges. Paul said he's not sure how he'd play Larry. He said he'd have to go back and watch his stuff. Howard said he'd have to mimic him and it would be tough. Paul agreed. He said that he's the toughest of the group. Paul said he didn't have a personality so it would be tough to nail him.
Howard said they had Billy West on the show and he did that impression that was brilliant. Howard said he thought it was so unusual that he could do that impression. Paul said that he did try to do Larry and he can't do it. He said it was fuckin' impossible to do it. Paul said he thinks that his kid had some Three Stooges stuff so he watched it by himself. He said he didn't really get into them until he was in his 30s.
Howard said he could never play that part. He said that Paul must have thought that it was just another challenge. Paul said he's not sure he could have done it. He said he thought he had nailed the voice while he was in the room by himself. He said that he had it down a little bit but he never signed on to do the movie or anything. He said that he'd be too scared to play that part. Paul said he thinks that he could have played the part but maybe not played it so well.
Howard said Paul played Harvey Pekar and he did great doing that. He asked if he went to his funeral. Paul said he never heard much about it and he didn't get that close to the guy. He said he was a nice guy though. Howard asked if he had people asking him questions about Harvey when he died. Paul said he did and people were sending him condolences.
Howard asked Paul if he stays in character all the time. Paul said he's not like that. Howard said he doesn't remember him doing that on ''Private Parts.'' Howard said he remembers doing scenes with Paul and they were very easy. He said Paul was great to work with. Paul said that was on of his first movies. He said he did one called ''Thunderpants'' which was about a kid who wasn't able to stop farting. He said that was a couple of years after ''Private Parts.'' Paul said he did get a lot of great work after that though.
Howard asked what he played in ''Thunderpants.'' Paul said he was playing a government agent and they wanted to use the kid to power a rocket. He said the movie was British. Paul said he was very eager to do it and the guy who did it was a big fan of ''Private Parts.''
Howard asked what role got him noticed. Paul said it was that Harvey Pekar movie. He said he didn't get paid much to do that. He said ''Sideways'' was another one that got him some notice. He said he didn't get paid much to do that one though.
Howard asked Paul about the M. Knight Shyamalan movie he did and if he was paid well for that. Paul said he thinks he was. Howard said that was one of his first bombs. Paul said it was alright and he liked it. Howard asked when he saw that movie for the first time. Paul said it was at the premiere. Howard asked if he thought it wasn't that great when he saw it. Paul said he did feel it didn't really work when he saw it for the first time. He said he had a great time doing it though. He said that the movie did have problems.
Howard asked Paul if he gets a script for the Three Stooges and just thinks that he has to keep working. Paul said he has to take jobs but he will turn down stuff that's obviously bad. Howard asked Paul if he ever thought about going to the gym and getting six pack abs. Paul said he would do that for health but other than that he doesn't care. He said he would do it for a movie role too.
Howard said years ago they would have called Paul a character actor but he's doing well and he hasn't had to do that. Howard said he could play Superman. Paul said he thinks he could. Howard said that maybe Superman would look like a regular guy.
Howard said Paul played John Adams and won an Emmy for that. He said that he forgot to mention him in his speech though. Paul apologized for that.
Howard asked Paul about his wife and kid and said that he thought that he was going to go berserk and divorce and bang chicks. Paul said that could be in the cards for the future. Howard said he read that he's still living in Brooklyn. Paul said he's not trying to be excentric or anything. Howard asked if he has any temptation doing movies and stuff. Paul said that's always there.
Howard asked Paul if he's a wealthy man. Paul said he does okay. Howard asked why he doesn't live in Manhattan. Paul said he did but he got tired of it. He said he likes it in Brooklyn.
Howard asked Paul about working with Minnie Driver. Paul said she's bigger than you expect. He said that she's very tall. Howard asked what she does in the movie. Paul said she plays his second wife in this new movie ''Barney’s Version.''
Howard asked Paul if he has a love scene with Minnie. Paul said he doesn't but he does have an underwear scene. He said he thinks that his male frontal nudity would have ruined the movie. He said that he does have a love scene with another woman in the movie. Howard asked if he ''boned up'' with her. Paul said that didn't happen. Howard said he boned up in the bathtub scene in his movie. Paul said he never gets boned up when he's doing a movie. Howard asked if he masturbates the night before. Paul said he may have masturbated just to get it out of his system but not because of the movie.
Howard said Paul is in this movie ''Barney's Version'' and it's opening in select theaters. Howard said he knows what that means. He said it must be a small film. Paul said it is a small film but they open it up slowly like that and they call that platforming. Howard said he saw a small George Clooney film that was really good that never really took off. He asked Paul if he's worried about how well this one will do. Paul said he does worry a little bit. He said he has other movie in the works though.
Paul said that he's going to be playing Ben Bernake in one movie and he'll be in ''The Hangover 2.'' Howard asked if he would have worked in that even if Mel Gibson was in the movie. Paul said he thinks he would. He said he doesn't think he cares.
Howard asked if he's made any celebrity friends doing all of this work. Paul said he likes Russell Crowe but they don't talk on the phone or anything. Howard asked why he doesn't have any celebrity friends. Paul said it's like work or something to him. Howard said maybe he wants to be the big star at home and he wants to be the big shot. Paul said maybe that's what it is. Howard asked about working with Woody Allen twice and if he calls him. Paul said he had 3 lines total and he doesn't call Woody.
Howard gave Paul some more plugs for his movie that's opening in January. He took a call from a woman who asked if Paul would say ''Mother fucking antichrist'' for them once. Paul did the line for the caller. Howard said that Paul went on for like an hour doing those rants and raves. He said that they were going to leave it all in there. Howard said he doesn't see the movie much but he watched some of it recently and it was fun to watch. Paul said it's a really good movie. Howard said it made him sad watching it because he had such an incredible experience making it. Paul said it kind of ruined it for him. He said that no other movie has been like that since then. Howard said that's what Mary McCormack told him too.
Paul said that Howard and the guys were fun and the director was fun. Howard said that's Betty Thomas. He asked if he talks to her at all. Paul said he doesn't and Howard doesn't either. Paul said she was one of the best directors he's ever worked with. He said he actually worked wit her again in Dr. Doolittle 2. Howard said he got the feeling that they were beneath Betty. Gary said she did one of the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.
Howard said that Paul's father was the commissioner of baseball for a while and he felt bad about having to ban Pete Rose from baseball. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Paul banged Sandra Oh while working with her on ''Sideways.'' Paul said she was married to the director so that didn't happen.
Howard asked Paul what else he's doing to promote this movie. Paul said he has people working on that for him. Howard said it's always a pleasure seeing him. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard and the guys were talking about a football game and about Leon Lett's fumble during a recent game. Stuttering John was in on the conversation and stuttering quite a bit. Howard said he thinks he should be an announcer for Monday Night Football. Fred was doing his impression of John during the discussion.
Howard said he wanted to talk about his career and John was telling him he should do TV to get his foot in the door. Howard said he thinks that his foot is already in the door. John told Howard what he thinks he should do as far as a TV show. Howard said he isn't saying he's been offered anything but he thinks he could beat Leno and Letterman in late night. Howard said he thinks he'd be number one. Howard said both Leno and Letterman are very weak right now.
Howard said if he didn't have the radio show he could get into the TV thing and not worry about it. He said that if he gets the TV show and it fails, then he's in trouble. John said he thinks that he should do it. Howard said he knows he'd beat the other guys but then he wouldn't be able to make his movie. John said he could do TV and radio for a year. Then he gets rid of radio. Howard said he knows he'll be successful in TV. Howard said he knows he won't fail.
John said that he could do the film and even if it's bad it's okay because he can talk about it. Howard said he knows the movie will do well too.
Robin said that she has been on the set and done some filming. Howard and the guys all laughed at her. She shot some stuff for The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Howard said that was airing that night.
Howard told the guys what he plans for his upcoming movie. He said they want it out by the spring of 2005. He said he knows he'll do well on TV after that. He said everyone loves it when he's on TV. John told him he can do films once he gets on TV. Howard said he can do them now. Howard spent a couple more minutes going back and forth with John about that before going to break.
Marilyn Manson Calls In. 11/29/00. 6:35am
Marilyn Manson called in this morning to talk to Howard about the strange incident that happened the other night when he and Howard were at a club together. On Monday Howard explained how Marilyn was rubbing his leg in an odd way at the club. Howard started to think that it was kind of gay so he wanted to find out if Marilyn was coming on to him or not. Marilyn told Howard that if he did rub his leg it was in a non-sexual way. He said he was a little drunk that night but he doesn't really recall rubbing his leg. Marilyn also told Howard that his girlfriend Rose has a thing for him. Marilyn said that if he were to let anyone fornicate with his girlfriend, it would be Howard. He actually told Howard he had his permission to screw his girlfriend if he wanted to. Of course Rose would have to agree to that but as far as Marilyn is concerned it's okay.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Marilyn about other stuff. He asked him about a couple of rumors he's heard about him. He eventually got back to the leg rubbing incident though. Marilyn once again said that he had no idea who's leg he had his hand on that night so it wasn't a gay thing.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn before ending the segment. Howard made sure to let everyone know to pick up the new Marilyn Manson album ''Holly Wood''. He said his latest video is great and his concert was also great.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about an American diplomat that was abducted in Yemen. Robin read the story to Howard and went over the details with him. Howard said he's going to have Fartman call Yemen and take care of this. He said that it's time for Fartman to come and help.
Gary came in and gave Howard the phone number. Howard had Fred play his Fartman intro. Howard became Fartman and said he had to make that call to Yemen. Howard called a local Yemen mission in the city and tried to find someone to talk to. Howard got a couple of people on the line and asked to speak to someone who could help. Fartman was put on hold a couple of times. Fartman was telling Robin about some of the missions he went on in the past. He asked Robin to show him her knockers. He named them Sigfried and Roy.
One person from the mission told Howard to call the United Nations. He asked her to take a message but she had no idea how to help. Howard wanted to just pass it along to the highest person there. Someone else got on the line and she wasn't from Yemen. Howard asked to speak to someone from Yemen. The woman told him that he needs to speak to someone who can pass his message along. Fartman told the woman what he was going to do and what to pass along. She said that she did take the message. Fartman thanked her and let her go. Howard said he can see that they were shaking in their pants. The woman on the phone was Philippino. Fartman flew off a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was dripping. He asked Robin how old he is. He told her to remind him. Robin said that he's 39. Howard said that doesn't make sense. Jackie was cracking up laughing.
Howard told Robin to get back to her news. Robin read some more about the Yemen situation. Robin said she wanted to ask Fartman about the new Superman series. Howard said he's getting upset about it. He said the stories are awful on the show. Howard said the villains suck and Superman reads really fast. He said they're blowing it. Robin didn't like it either. He said Superman checked someone's pulse with his super hearing in one episode. Howard said he should be doing cool stuff in the show. Howard said he has to pull down his glasses to use his X-ray vision. Howard said he stole a bottle of perfume with his super speed too. Howard said the old Superman was better. He said the one where the guy had a belly hanging over his pants. He said that he had saggy pants in the back like he had a load in his diaper. Howard said he was built like Sinbad or Bluto from the Popeye comics. Howard and Robin talked about how fat he was and how he seemed to get fatter as the show went on.
Howard said he liked that old series. He said that at least the guy flew a lot on that one. Robin said that he was always almost losing his pants. She said you could see him pulling them up every week. Howard and Robin goofed on that series for a few minutes.
Riley Martin Calls In To Complain. 11/29/06. 10:00am
Howard had Riley Martin on the phone. Robin said that he just sent her a head band recently and she got a note with it where Riley said he wouldn't be against having passionate sex with her. Robin thought it was kind of funny and figured he bought them from a reservation. Riley said he does buy them from a friend of his. He said he may have made a mistake giving it to Robin like he did giving it to Howard. Howard threw his in the trash.
Riley said that it would be nice if they took a minute to mention his show since it's one of the most interesting shows on his channels. Robin said that they mention him every day. Howard added that they gave him a radio show, what more does he want. Riley said that when he leaves radio, that's when Howard will see how many people send back their radios.
Riley would like Howard to mention the show once in a while. Artie said they play clips from his show all the time. Riley said ''Bullshit!'' and complained about them not promoting it more. Fred played one of the latest song parodies that Dan the Song Parody man created using Riley's voice. It's one of the many things they play on the show reminding people that Riley has a show there.
Riley got in a plug for his show which airs at midnight on Tuesdays. Robin told Riley that no one would know his catch phrase ''Oh Qua Tanzin Wan'' if they didn't promote his show by playing clips from it. Fred played another one of their song parodies with Riley clips in it.
Howard had some audio clips of Riley leaving some voice mail messages for Will. He started to play one but Riley interrupted and said that they were slowing it down. Howard said they weren't slowing anything down. Artie said that it's probably the alcohol that slows it down.
Howard interrupted and said that Artie was struggling to open a bag of M&Ms behind him, making all kinds of noise. He got back to the clip a short time later and Riley said that he may have had a few drinks that day.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that his friend sent away to Riley's web site for a jewel that was supposed to be from another planet but it turned out to be a Shrinky Dink, one of those things that you make in the oven.
Riley said that Janks was lying so Janks pointed out that Riley is the one telling people he's in touch with aliens. Riley went off on Janks saying that he's a liar and he thought he was better than that. Janks said that Riley is nothing more than a fuckin liar and he ripped off his friend. Riley said that he doesn't sell stones on his web site so he's not sure what this guy is talking about. He said he doesn't appreciate people lying about him like that.
The guys had some fun goofing on Riley for a short time. That got Riley pissed off but he seemed to be taking it okay. He told Howard to give him some plugs once in a while. Howard thanked him for calling in and gave hi an ''Oh Qua Tanzin Wan'' as he was saying goodbye.
Sal And Richard's Sex Scene Goes All Wrong. 11/29/05. 7:50am
Gary brought up a story about Richard and Sal who have been getting even creepier. Both of them had to go to the bathroom yesterday, number 2, so they both went into the bathroom together and ended up showing what they had cleaned each time they'd wipe. They were both cracking up and laughing as they showed each other their wipes.
Sal and Richard came in and explained what went on. Sal said that he thought Richard didn't know it was him next to him. Richard said he did though. Sal said he wiped and kicked his paper over to Richard and started to crack up. He said Richard didn't react at first... and then the delay was hit multiple times so we missed the conversation. They were saying that they did kick each other's wipes back to each other so they could flush their own stuff. Richard said he was ready for the paper to fly over the top of the stall. He said if that had happened, he would have gone over to wipe his stuff in Sal's face.
Richard said that they send pictures of their bowel movements over their cell phones. Richard said he sends pictures of his private parts to Sal as well.
Howard said that the guys made a video where Sal gets into the shower with Richard which was weird. Then they showed him the tape where they goofed on Yucko by having some black guys going off on him about the racist material he does in his act. That tape will end up on Howard Stern On Demand for the fans to see. The guys have been making those little movies to get them on the new On Demand channel.
Richard said that they've been making their ''Supertwink'' movie and they have a great rape scene with him and Sal. He also explained how Artie plays a plumber in the movie and has to plunger out a gerbil from Fred the Elephant Boy's ass. He's hoping to have the movie edited and ready to air by January. Richard said that JD plays the part of ''Supertwink'' and he was born on the planet Uranus to Lord Rectum who will be played by Steve the Engineer (AKA Wood Yi). Howard wanted to see some of the clips but Richard said there's not much sound in it right now.
Artie asked about the rape scene because he heard that the two of them accidentally touched each other. Richard said that he was wearing short shorts and was playing the part of the hot guy in the office. Sal was wearing his pants for the scene but Richard was almost naked. Sal said that he dropped Richard's pants in the scene and unbuckled his pants but his pants fell down and his junk touched Richard's ass. He jumped back and yelled ''Cut!'' when that happened. Robin said she figures that they're eventually going to ''accidentally'' have sex.
Gary said that he would pay nine bucks to see this movie over ''Walk the Line'' any day. The movie should be about 20 minutes long according to Richard. Howard heard that Fred the Elephant Boy shows full frontal nudity in the movie. High Pitch Eric is in the movie as well and all they had to do to get him in it was ask.
High Pitch Eric called in but his phone went dead so Howard couldn't ask him about it. Howard asked Richard to give a clip of the movie to Howard 100 News so they can play it on Howard 100. He knows he can't play it there. High Pitch called back and said that he had a dog collar on his neck and he could barely breathe when they were filming. Sal said the collar was huge and it was on the first hole and it was still tight on him.
Artie is in the movie as well so he had to plunge Elephant Boy's ass. He didn't know he had scenes after actually touching his ass with the plunger so he demanded to have another plunger. He was also saying that Eric was eating a ton of food while they were filming and he was wearing the biggest pair of sweat pants that he had ever seen. Howard said that they have to stop making those giant sweat pants because it allows people to get really fat. He said he used to wear stuff like that when he was fat.
Richard said that he and JD pretend to kiss at the end of the movie. Howard was surprised that JD agreed to do something like that. JD came in and said that he didn't try to do any gay voice in the movie, he just kept his usual ''Napoleon Dynamite-like'' voice through the whole thing. The guys also said that they will have a documentary of the making of the movie that will air on Howard Stern On Demand as well.
Sal thought it was funny that they got High Pitch to agree to the movie and then got Artie to agree just as easy. Artie said the warehouse they rented was pretty intense because it looked like a place where someone was murdered. Sal told Howard that Will Murray was great in the movie as well and did a scene where he had to ask for a tissue to wipe the man goo off his face.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who asked about what their fax number was. The guy told Howard that December 7th is the official don't buy Japanese products day.
Howard said Tom has been bothering him to do something for the station. Howard said he doesn't even care anymore about anything. He said he pees near Tom's head for laughs. He said he's in a good position in his career. Howard said he was feeling sick and didn't want to argue so he agreed to do it. Howard said they do this thing at a comedy club and he goes but he doesn't do anything but say hello and then leave. Howard said they do it at The Bottom Line. Robin said it's at the Village Gate this year. Howard said he knows Pat cooper will be there this year but it's just not his event. Howard said they really don't need him there. Howard said he's not a performer but he's not sure how to break the new to Tom about that. He said they're always looking for ways to say he's not a team player.
Howard said Gary and Jackie are going to be judges for the comedy contest. Howard said Jackie was at this meeting for the contest with Gary and he just ripped a fart right in this woman's face. Howard asked if he was laughing so hard that he let it rip. Jackie said Gary is going to pay for telling him this story. Howard asked if that's what happened. Jackie said they were sitting there and he had eaten his lunch. He said they were watching tapes that were kind of excruciating. He said someone said something very funny and it hit him hard. He said he laughed and farted. He said he felt very embarrassed. Jackie said that Mel came into the room and he felt okay after that. Howard said he doesn't know who this ''Mel'' guy is. Jackie said he's a plumber. Howard said he's never heard of that guy. Gary said the woman didn't seem to mind. Howard asked what she's going to say to something like that.
Howard asked if he felt embarrassed at all. Jackie said he really didn't. Howard asked if Gary is going to the comedy thing. Gary said he's not. He has another thing he's doing for the station.
Howard said they really don't need him at this thing. He said he never does anything there. He spent a few more minutes talking about that before wrapping up.
In the clip Howard was talking about Shadoe Stevens doing a top 40 countdown thing and how it makes you appreciate what Casey Kasem does. Howard said he has heard some other countdown shows and they're not as good as Kasem's. Howard did his Casey Kasem impression and ran down some songs.
Howard said he sent in an audition tape to try to become the new Casey Kasem. Howard played a clip of a bit they put together where he's doing his impression of Kasem introducing a Charles Manson song.
Scott The Engineer Doesn't Get Why He's Funny. 11/29/11. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about how happy he was to be there. He said they're going to be there for four days this week. He said that's going to be their Christmas gift to everyone. Howard said they're givers, not takers. Howard said they had a lot to talk about and do today but he wasn't able to think of a thing.
Howard said he has a lot of tapes to get to today. He said he has a sweater on today and he hates it because it's itchy. He said Howard TV has some extra shirts that he may have to change into today. He said that it might be too itchy to keep on the whole show.
Howard said he might have to start his conversation about Scott the Engineer here. He said he heard him on Wrap Up yesterday and he's upset with the Howard TV people over the special they did about the Ronnie's Block Party show. Howard said they concentrate on Scott because he doesn't do anything at the shows. Howard said Scott doesn't know why that's funny. He said that's the reason he's funny. Howard said Scott is out of his mind. He said he was complaining that they didn't find anything funny there but that's what's funny. He said the funny thing is that he's so not interesting that it's interesting. Howard said Scott is insane. He said he's upset with Doug Goodstein and that's just going over the edge.
Howard said Scott dos absolutely nothing on stage and that's what's so funny. Scott said that doesn't mean they have to bash him in the show. Howard said they do. He said he does nothing and that's fascinating. Howard said the other guys do things and Scott goes up on stage and demands to be paid to do nothing. Howard said he has no talent and no reason to be on stage. Howard said that should be a 10 hour behind the scenes show. Howard said they went too easy on him. Scott said he doesn't think so. Howard said he'll never be able to explain it to Scott.
Howard said they asked Ronnie if Scott is fun to be with and Ronnie wasn't able to answer. Scott said he knows he's not the life of the party. Howard laughed at that statement. He played some audio from the Wrap Up show where Gary asked Ronnie if Scot is fun to be around. Ronnie wasn't able to come up with an answer. He just said they had a great time. Howard said Ronnie was so flummoxed by that question. He said Scott then came in and went off on Howard TV for doing the special. Howard said they should lock Scott up in a mental institution.
Howard asked Scott what he thinks those specials should be about. Scott said he was never meant to do anything at those shows. He said he gets paid to be there and help and not do that much. Howard said that he does nothing though. He said that's what people want to see him do there. Howard said he sits there with a smile on his face and demands to get paid to do nothing.
In another clip Gary said that Scott is the go to guy to fuck around with. He asked Scott how much he thinks is real. Scott said they turned that show into a bashing Scott show. He explained who was bashing him and it was everyone.
Howard said he heard that Scott is rally upset with Doug Goodstein. Scott said he's talking to them and not ignoring them. Howard said he should ignore them. Howard said he heard that Scott yelled at one of the Howard TV producers. Scott said he didn't yell. Howard said that's what he heard.
Keith came in and said that they weren't ganging up on him. He said that Scott does what he does and they just point and shoot. Howard said it's hysterical that Scott goes there and sits there doing nothing. Howard said most people would be embarrassed to do that. Howard said Scott asks when he's going to get paid and where his room is. Howard said he shows up like he's Tom Cruise with demands. Howard said it's the greatest. He said Scott is the greatest and he shouldn't be insulted. Howard said his whole thing is showing up and doing nothing.
Howard said at one point Scott comes up with the idea to dance into the crowd and Shuli tells him it's great. Howard had to explain to Scott why he's invited to go to those shows. They do that because he does nothing. That's what's so interesting. Howard said he can't believe he has to explain it to him. Scott said he does get it. Howard said the greatest accomplishment in his career is making Scott popular. He said that he made him a star that people are willing to pay to see.
Howard said this is a phenomenon. He told Scott to be thankful and happy that someone paid attention to him. Scott said alright. Howard told him to beg Keith to keep the camera on him.
Howard said he can't believe Scott was upset about all of that. IF he's upset he shouldn't be going to those gigs.
Howard said Geraldo went down to Wall Street and he was interviewing some people down there. He said that he's going to be jumping around a bit this morning. Howard got back to Scott for a minute and said he'd like to know what Scott thinks they should have covered at the show. He said he could spend 4 hours talking about this one thing. Howard said he avoids Scott in the hall unless he has to go in and record a commercial. Howard said people are paying to go see this guy. Howard said it's worth $50 to go see Scott and meet him. Howard said Scott just doesn't understand why they would do a special about him. He and Fred did their impressions of Scott for a few more seconds.
Various News Screw Up Clips And More. 11/29/11. 6:20am
Howard played a clip of Geraldo Rivera down at the Occupy Wall Street protest. He said that Geraldo asked them not to curse but the guy ended up saying ''Fucked'' on air. Howard said Geraldo trusted them not to curse.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Shuli should be the one getting bashed for not putting on a good show with those Ronnie Block Parties. Howard said that Shuli is good doing stand-up though. Howard said Shuli has some stuff to say. The caller said he saw him a few years ago and he didn't think he was that good. Howard said he does have an act though. The caller said he didn't dig it. Robin asked if that was Scott on the phone. Howard said it's hard to have a conversation with that guy.
Howard had a clip from a Seattle news show where a guy says ''pinched tits'' live on the air. He was trying to say ''pitch tents.'' Howard said some of the anchor women are so hot it must confuse these guys.
Howard said he had another clip of a football announcer, Gary Dolphin, saying ''jigaboo.'' Howard said this guy might be in trouble.
Richard Lewis Visits. 11/29/11. 8:15am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made using Jeff the Drunk yelling ''JIM!'' audio clips. Fred also played Ozzy Osbourne's ''Crazy Train'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and talked about Ozzy for a few seconds. Then he had Richard Lewis come in. Howard said he's an old friend of the show and he's a famous comedian. Howard said he's been in the business for a million years. Richard said hi to Fred, calling him Jackie. Richard said that he gets a ton of ads from Jackie about his ''cunt tour'' or something.
Richard said he has to get this out of the way. He said that he's @TheRichardLewis on Twitter. He said he just started so he only has like 29,000 followers. Richard said he wants to talk about how Beth wants to have a child. He said she called him about that. Howard said she probably did call him. Richard said that Howard has the best ear and nose for comedy. He said that he would be great on America's Got Talent. Howard said he thinks he would be too. Howard said Richard should go on there too.
Howard said Richard should go on the show and do his stand-up. Richard said he doesn't do stand-up. He said he actually is going to be at Caroline's this weekend.
Richard said he's going to try and memorize his stuff for this weekend. Howard said he used to do a show where he'd have notes of material. Richard said he has done that everywhere. He said he wanted to do a new show every night and that's why he did that. Richard said that he was told that he was doing shows that looked like a work in progress so it drove him nuts. Richard said he just looks at his notes before the shows now.
Howard said it must be hard to memorize all of this material. Richard said he wanted to do a new show every night so that's why he did the notes thing. He said he has a lot of notes that he prints out now and he'll just lay in bed and read it and read it and whatever strikes him he'll go with. Howard said he figured that he'd craft his stuff and work it out ahead of time. Richard said Howard doesn't do that. Howard said he works spontaneously. Richard said he does too.
Richard said he would never go on and do a crafted set anymore. He said a lot of people do that but he's doing this for himself. He said that he'd get bored if he memorized an act. He said that he's doing these shows this week and he has no idea what he'll be doing for those 5 shows. Richard said he needs to be anxious and that's what drives him.
Howard said he should memorize his act. Richard said he did that for 35 years. He said he's not going to do that. Howard said his life would be so much easier if he memorized it. Richard said he'd quit if he did that.
Richard said he'll be doing the Craig Ferguson show in a few weeks. He said that Craig ad-libs most of his show. He said that Craig rips up the cards they have for notes on his desk. He said it's incredible. Howard asked when he was last on Letterman. Richard said it was probably a year ago. He said shows have changed and they don't do the talk show kind of thing with comics anymore. He said he doesn't give a shit though.
Howard asked if he's friendly with Dave. Richard said he took Dave out for a meal in 1977 and that was it. He said David was a big fan and he told him he could come on any time he wanted to. He wanted him to panel on the show. He liked his moving around but he told him he'd never have to do stand-up on the show.
Howard asked Richard about doing that TV show with Jamie Lee Curtis. He said it was a big show. Richard said the show was big and they got screwed out of a 5th season. He said they were 7 shy of that 100 that they needed for syndication. He said he showed up to the set and this new person had come in at 20th who said that they were going to do another 22 episodes. Richard said they didn't call him or Jamie that they were breaking down the stage for a new show. Richard said that the new President of FOX called ABC and said she didn't want to do the show another year. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about. He said if the show is a hit they don't just cancel it. Richard said they were following Roseanne and they were doing fine. He said that they didn't even tell them that they were canceled. He said it devastated him and Jamie. He said he did more drugs after that and he ended up getting his life together after that.
Howard asked Richard if he's friends with jay Leno. Richard said he's not but he'd do his show. He said that he'd do any of those shows. Richard said he loves coming on this show because he can talk about anything.
Richard said he and Howard used to talk for hours and hours in the old days. He said that he had nervous break downs on the show.
Howard said Richard hated his mother. Richard said she would tell him that everything he did was wrong. He said that she's dead now though. Richard said he got his first gig on the Tonight Show and he called his mother to tell her. He got sidetracked after that. Richard said he gets to see his nieces and nephews and he has trouble remembering their names. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to his mother. He said that she asked him who else was on the Tonight Show the night he was booked to do it. He said that he told her ''Mr. T... you fuck.'' Richard said that he tried to get approval and it never happened.
Richard said he quit therapy a year ago. He said he was sitting down talking to his therapist about his mother and the therapist went to sleep. Literally asleep. Richard said she fell asleep and snored. He said that he started to do a riff and told a story about taking it up the ass and she woke up in the middle of the story. Richard said he went back to her after she fell asleep. She said that she was tired. Richard said that it's best to go second or third on the day you go to therapy. Howard said he shouldn't have gone back to her after that.
Howard told Richard to stay on track. Richard said he needs that from Howard. Howard asked if it's true that Letterman would let him talk too much. He said Letterman would lose interest in him. He said Richard finally realized he had to let Dave talk a while. Richard said he learned that in his 30s. Richard said he would be asked what he wanted to talk to Dave about and he'd yell about what he wanted to talk about. Richard said Dave asked him what he wanted to talk about and then Dave would say ''I understand you were just in Maui...'' He said that's what they get out of the notes they take.
Richard said that Dave asked him about Hawaii and he had some funny things to say. Then Dave says to him ''I guess you're doing your Maui hunk.'' Richard said that takes away the spontaneity of the whole thing. He said he flipped out. Richard said he went back stage... and he got sidetracked again.
Howard asked Richard how old he is. Richard said he's 64. Howard asked if he still fucks. Richard said of course he does. Richard said he had to finish this story about Letterman. He said backstage after the Letterman show he went nuts. He said Dave heard it and everyone heard it. He said he got to his hotel and got a call from Dave's assistant. He said that Dave came in apologizing and saying what he did was so wrong. Richard said Dave admitted he was wrong. He said Dave knew comedy and that he shouldn't do that. Howard said Dave must have been angry at him. He said maybe Dave thought it wasn't that great.
Richard said he's going to be in Playboy magazine. He wrote an article about his dick. Howard asked him how often he's making love now. Richard said it depends on how he's feeling. He said that his wife will fuck on any day. He said that he met her at 45 and she still looks that young. He said she's 5 years younger than him. He said that she loves to fuck and she loves him. Richard said he's getting older so the libido is going down. Richard said that when you're younger you get really into it but when you're this age you start talking about what you need done in the house.
Richard said he still masturbates but he did it when his wife went out to lunch yesterday. He said he was nervous and had to relax.
Richard said that he was laying around one day thinking about some younger girls. He said that he has friends who tell him that the younger girls make them want to fuck and they couldn't live without them. Richard said there are some guys who need younger women to keep them energized. Richard said he doesn't need that.
Richard said he was thinking about how beautiful his wife is and he has a tremendous wife. He said he thinks about having sex with a younger woman and how hard it would be to talk to them. He said that he can still fuck like he's 20. He said he sees his body and he can't work out anymore so he's let it go. Richard said he's naked looking in the mirror and it's all flabby bullshit. He said he has to fuck with his t-shirt on. He said he can't even look at his own body when he's jerking off.
Richard said his wife was getting undressed and he's looking like Benjamin Button or something. Howard said Richard used to care about his body. Richard said that's long gone. He said he looked at his wife and said ''You know Joyce, I can't even imagine feeling comfortable in front of a 30 year old...'' He said that his wife looked at him and said ''What am I blind?'' so loud. He said she looked at his ass with her hand shaking and pointed it out. Richard said he hasn't looked at his ass so he looked at it and it had a thousand ripples in it like the Appalachian mountains. He said that she accepts this horrible looking body. He said she looked at his ass and started shaking and made up a song singing about it.
Howard said Richard used to be a womanizer and an alcoholic. He said he's really straightened up his life. Richard said he was doing more than that. Howard said he was a champagne drinker too. Richard said he still catches shit about that in the airport when someone sees him.
Howard asked Richard who he would bang if he could. Richard said he likes Scarlett Johansson and Sophia Loren in her prime. Howard said he liked Raquel Welch and Diane Lane. Richard said he likes Penelope Cruz too. Howard and Richard went back and forth talking about various stars.
Richard said that he's been friends with Ron Wood from the Rolling Stones for about 25 years now. Howard asked how close he is. Richard said that he comes over to his house. He said that Ron is always with younger women. He said that he's about the same age as he is. Howard asked if they're in their 20s and 30s. Richard said they are. Howard asked if he gets jealous. Richard said he has his women that he'd like to do but his wife has someone like Johnny Depp that she'd like to do. Howard asked if he'd let her do him. Richard said he'd blow his brains out if she did. He couldn't handle it.
Richard said that they got to see the Stones do a show in a really small club. He said that he got to watch them for 90 minutes. He said they walked out after the show and Johnny Depp was there. He said his wife saw him and as soon as she saw him she called her girlfriend to tell her that he was only 5 feet away. Richard said he likes the guy but he hates that his wife was that into him.
Howard said he went to a party where Brad Pitt was a guest. Howard said his wife wanted him to go say hi and he had no desire to go over and bother the guy. Robin said that he's a fan of the show and he should have gone over to say hello. Howard said they did say hello but they didn't spend much time talking.
Howard asked Richard what the Stones do when they do a closed door 90 minute thing. Richard said they'll work on their set list and things. He asked Howard if he read Keith's book. Howard said that book is despicable. Richard said he thought it was good. Howard said he'd be pissed if he was Mick Jagger. He said Keith didn't have to put it all out there and piss all over the guy. Richard said he thought the book was compelling but a lot of people feel the way Howard does. Howard said Keith Richards owes everything to Mick. He said that he can hurt the brand by doing that kind of thing.
Howard said Richard is a great comedian and he loves him. He said it's been a long time. Richard said he knows he pissed him off and he's glad he had him on. Richard asked him to put @TheRichardLewis on his web site. Howard said he'll do that. Richard said he needs people to follow him. He said he'd like them to tweet just once. Richard said he hopes to get up to at least 40,000 after this show. He said he'll feel good if he gets up to 50,000. Howard said that JD, Ronnie and Jason all have more followers than Richard does. He said maybe he shouldn't have gotten involved in that whole thing.
Richard said that you have to be careful what you write on there. He said that he gets yelled at if he gets political at all. He said that he may shut it down if he gets to 50,000. He said that he'd like Howard to help him get to 50 and then he'll see what happens. Howard said that the guy who patted down Richard in the hall has 40,000 more followers than Richard. Richard said if he can't get one more than his limo driver has then he's going to kill himself.
Howard said Richard is going to have to avoid reading Twitter. People will tell him he's tweeting too much or too little or whatever. Howard said he would hold off on tweeting for weeks and then tweet out two or three tweets and people will yell at him for doing it too much. He said he had to stop doing it. Richard said he'll see what happens if he gets to 50,000.
Gary said that they noticed that they already got 500 more followers for Richard just tweeting it out on theirs. Ronnie came in and said that he has 122,000 followers. He said he'll help Richard out. Richard said that's just not right that he has so many. Richard told Ronnie what his twitter account was and thanked him for helping. When Ronnie left he said ''fuck that... I need Howard to do it just once.'' Howard said he'll do it.
Howard asked Richard more about the private show with the Stones. Richard said they just hang out, it's not a show. Howard wrapped up and gave Richard some plugs for some appearances he's making. He mentioned one casino he was appearing at and even Richard didn't know how to pronounce it. They said their goodbye's and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Gary came in and told Howard that Will Smith was on the phone. Howard mentioned that Robin will be on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air that night. Howard said someone wrote them a fax saying that he got it on the satellite feed and she was very good.
Howard got Will on the phone and asked how he thought Robin did. Will said she did very well. He said he felt that metaphysical spark with her too. Howard asked if she was attracted to him. Robin said she was. Will said they were attracted to each other. Will said he didn't want to come out too much on it. Howard said she may need to be in every dream sequence from now on. Howard said the show might lag if she's not on it.
Howard asked Will what he thought of Robin's cans. Will said when he saw her he said ''Well, damn.'' He said it was her mind that captured him though. Howard said ''Yeah, sure.'' Robin said she had a lot of fun doing the show with Will. Robin said he has these big, brown eyes and they're beautiful. Will asked when he's going to come do the show. Howard said he may have to come do it now that Robin has.
Will asked Howard why he was naked on the cover of his book. Howard said he worked out hard to look good for the cover so he figured it would be good to do that. Will said he wasn't able to get past that cover. He said he thought Howard was a stud.
Howard asked Will if he really thought Robin was good. Will said he really did. Howard asked if he's dating anyone. Will said he is married now. He said he met her in the audience of a taping of ''A Different World.'' He said she was working at an art gallery at the time. He said that she's one of those arts types. Howard asked if she knew who he was at the time. Will said she actually didn't. Howard said he must have been trying to convince himself that she was into him for him. Will said that must be it.
Howard asked if he has any kids. Will said he has a son who is 1 year old now. Howard jokingly asked if he looks like Sinbad at all. Will told him to take it easy there. Howard said he's just giving him a hard time. Will was laughing so he knew.
Howard said he will watch the Fresh Prince tonight and he'll give a review of Robin's appearance tomorrow. Will said he just wants Howard to be happy so he figured he'd call in. Will said Robin is a natural. Howard thanked Will for calling in and let him go a short time later.
Howard let Will go and asked Robin if his son looked like Sinbad. Robin just laughed. Howard said that would be great.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:25am.