|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how they had a lot to get to today. Howard said that he has a few things to mention in a random way. Howard said he has to pat himself on the back first thing. He said he's being an excellent mentor to Gary Dell'Abate. He said he watched his latest Nerdist show ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and he did him a huge favor. Howard said it's 10,000 times better since he intervened.
Howard said the biggest improvement is that he's not putting his head up in the air as he reads the teleprompter. Howard said Gary talked about a watch he wears to keep track of his running and he explains it in his natural way of explaining things. Howard said he's just talking instead of reading from a teleprompter. Howard said Gary also talks to Jon Hein in the show. He said that you see Jon in the show and you think he should be the host. Howard said Gary's interview with Jon was very good and it was an A+ show.
Howard said he got a lot of letters from people who attacked him for telling Gary how to do a show. Howard said people were saying he was an awful judge on AGT and things like that. Howard said he wasn't doing it to be mean. He said he was being honest with Gary. He said he as the only one being honest. Howard said he'd still have a shitty show if he hadn't intervened. Howard said he thinks Gary thought he was good. Howard said the show didn't change for 3-4 weeks before he told him it was horrible.
Howard said he called Gary and told him that he had to compliment himself on doing him the biggest favor of his life. Howard said the guy who owns the Nerdist web site must be looking to start something. He said instead of him pulling Gary to the side and telling him it's shit he just used Gary. He said the guy must know that he's going to talk about it on the show. Robin said he may have ruined the whole plan because now Howard won't talk about it.
Howard said there are people who are unmotivated at their job because their parents told them they were great at whatever they did. Howard said he talks to these people all the time. He said they never want to do their best. Howard said Gary's show is great now. Robin said she's surprised that Gary hasn't thanked him yet. Gary chimed in a few seconds later with a quick ''thank you.''
Howard said Gary should send him a gift for making his show watchable. Howard said the show was an embarrassment. He said Gary has been on the air for 30 years now and you'd think he'd know better.
Howard said his parents had bad teeth and maybe they wanted him to have the same teeth they did. Howard said that they must have thought the dentist was trying to get rich off of them. He said he suffered the fears of his family. He did impressions of his mother and father talking to him about his teeth. Howard said he wanted to have a better life than they did and maybe he was going to need a smile. Howard said he had to put his hand over his mouth when he smiled.
Howard said his mother wouldn't let him get novocaine when he had cavities. He said that it was horrible. He said it was torturous. Howard said he took it all like a soldier. Robin said she doesn't know how he goes to the dentist today.
Howard said if you were the mastermind of the World Trade Center bombings even this country couldn't do to him what happened to him at the dentist. Howard said they won't allow that kind of torture. Howard said he'd welcome water boarding over the drilling. Howard said his mother would tell him to take an Aspirin before going to the dentist. He said she'd have a Tupperware in the car and she'd pop 3 aspirin with some tomato juice before getting her teeth done. Howard said he has problems with his teeth. He said his bottom teeth clacked into the top row and that killed them. He said he could have had good teeth if he had braces as a child. Howard said his dentist always asks where he was raised and why they didn't do something.
Howard said Biden went with too white teeth. Howard said when he had his teeth done after doing Private Parts he and his dentist talked about what color to go with and they didn't go too white. Howard said he was a soldier and he just did whatever was done to him as a child. Robin said they should have called social services. Howard said the dentist would go for hours drilling his teeth.
Howard said he has the same woman cleaning his teeth every time he goes. He said that she tells him how great he is putting up with the pain. He said she has told him that people ask for numbing when they get their teeth cleaned.
Howard said that Jason thought that Gary went to Jon Hein too soon for his show. He said that people thought that Gary should be forming his own opinion. Howard said the show is only 5 minutes long and Gary claims he don't know that much about TV. Gary came in and said that he's doing 12 shows to start. He said that Jon was in one segment. He said he'd going to be interviewing people and Jon was one of those interviews. Howard said the show was good and it didn't feel like 5 hours like the others did.
Jason came in and said that Jon Hein seemed to be a safety blanket. Gary said this was all done before. Howard spoke. Howard said Jason looks good in a jacket. He said he looks like he lost some weight too. Jason said he's down 25 pounds. Howard said that's what he wanted Gary to wear in his pictures. Howard said he's wearing that mu-mu shirt now. Gary said that it's not a mu-mu. Gary said Howard also said that he asked him to wear a jacket 3 times but it was just once. Howard said he asked Gary 3 times in that conversation. Gary said it was one conversation. Howard said he gave up after 3 times.
Gary said this is so boring. Howard said he can leave then. Howard said if he asks you to wear a jacket to get photographed then wear a jacket. Gary said he's bored with this. Howard told him he can leave then.
Howard asked Gary if he watched the debate. Gary said he did see some of it. He said that Biden was acting very strange. Howard said that smug laugh he has is going to make people hate him. Gary said it's all so scripted too. He said it's all written in advance. Howard said they wedge things into it too. Howard said Biden appears to have had hair plugs at some point too. Howard said Biden had a bigger American flag pin too so that makes him appear more patriotic.
Howard said he's reading that in some of the polls Romney is above Obama. Howard said he doesn't understand how people can't choose someone to vote for by now. Howard said it's crazy. He said that you must know about the issues and how you want to vote for. Howard said you think about abortion and birth control and if you want someone making decisions for a woman's body or not. Howard said you have to vote republican if you're for the government making those decisions. Howard said you have to vote Obama if you want women to have a choice. Howard said there are other things you have to look at too. He went over some of those things and tried to go through the thought process of picking someone to vote for.
Howard said all of these guys stand there and tell lies about what they're going to do when they're in office. Howard said that George Bush was one of the biggest spending presidents of all time. He said all he claimed he wanted to do was cut, cut, cut but all he did was spend.
Howard said you have to take a look at the party platform. He said Romney seems to embrace this tea party anti-science thing. Howard went over some of the party platforms and asked where people stand on various things. He said if you think God is going to get you by then maybe you're republican and you want to vote for Romney.
Howard said that carrying on with life is another thing. He said it's loony talk. Howard said there are a million things you could look at. Robin said she used to be opposed to abortion until she saw all of these blind sheiks. Robin said they don't grow up to be good people.
Howard said he doesn't understand who isn't decided yet. Howard said you should just pick someone and stick to it. Howard said there are clear differences between Romney and Obama. Howard said there are two different approaches there. Howard said he believes in this Obamacare thing. He said Obama knows it's not perfect but he's saying that we can augment this thing.
Howard asked Robin if she thought Gary was going to vote for Biden based on his teeth. Robin laughed. Howard said the candidates shaking hands before the debates is a very strange thing too.
Gary told Howard that DePace just hit him on the sqauak box and told him he disagrees with everything Howard has said in the past 15 minutes. Howard said he can get his own radio show then. Howard said Scott needs his own forum. Howard said he should do a show with Jason. He said he can feel free to spout about it when he's in there. Howard said he's talking to his audience right now.
Howard said he thought about Gary's wife getting interrupted all the time by Gary. He said she can never get a word out.
Howard said he was hoping that Ryan would bring up Big Bird and Sesame Street. He said Biden reminded him of Ronnie the Limo Driver at his Block party. He said that he thought the whole thing was interesting and odd. Howard said he did like Biden though. Howard said if you listen to this stuff on radio then you would have thought Biden won. He said the strange faces took away from the whole thing.
Howard said the whole debate thing is meaningless. Howard said it's so creepy. Howard said he's not even sure we need a vice President. Howard said we should just have another election if the President dies.
Howard said he's always suspicious of guys like Ryan who work out so much. Howard said he gets so worn out working out and he's exhausted when he's done doing that himself.
Howard said the only person he talked to about the debate was Sal. He said Sal refers to Biden as ''the old guy'' and Ryan as ''the guy in really good shape.'' Howard said it's funny to talk to Sal about that stuff. Howard said it's hard for him to watch the debate when he has all of this other girly stuff on his TiVo. Howard said Paul Ryan drinks a lot of water. Howard said he drinks a tremendous amount of water and he must have been wearing a diaper to hold it all. Howard said that he knows how Dyslexics feel now. He said he hears what these guys are talking about and he doesn't get it. Howard said that must be what it's like to be dyslexic.
Howard said that some people have been wondering what it would be like if Ed Torian the lie detector guy moderated the debates. Howard played a bit the guys put together with Ed asking the candidates questions. They had him asking sexual questions and had Romney and Obama answering.
Howard said at least Scott knows who he wants to vote for. Howard said he doesn't get these people who don't know who they're going to vote for.
Howard said even the Wack Pack knows who they're voting for. Howard said they did a survey and asked the Wack Pack who they're voting for. Howard played some audio of Big Foot talking about who he wants to vote for. Big Foot says he wants to be president up where he lives. Big Foot said they have to call him back because he's cooking macaroni and cheese right now. Howard said he's not voting right now.
Howard played some audio of Wendy the Retard talking about how she's voting for ''Oromney'' because Obama isn't doing the job he's supposed to be doing. Howard said Wendy is with Scott DePace on that one.
Howard had audio of Jeff the Drunk talking about how he's voting for Obama. Jeff said if you vote against Obama and you're white then people might think you're racist. He said that's the road he's walking down. Howard said he's not sure Jeff is voting at all.
Howard had audio of High Pitch Eric talking about who he's voting for. Eric says he's voting for Romney because he's a rich white man and that's the way to go. He said if he's in office there won't be that many terrorists.
Howard said they asked Daniel Carver from the Ku Klux Klan who he's voting for. Daniel said he's voting for Romney because he's white and he wants a President who looks like him. He said all of the mud colored people will vote for Obama. Daniel said the white man is the minority in this country now.
Howard had Riley Martin talking about how he will vote for Obama because Romney is full of shit and people are falling for it.
Howard had some audio of Debbie the Pet Lady talking about how she's voting for Romney this year. She said that Obama didn't follow her on Twitter so she can't vote for him.
Howard said Mark the Bagger is on fire and he's for Obama. Howard said he even made a commercial for him. Howard played that commercial and Mark was talking about how he loves PBS and Sesame Street so he has to vote for Obama. Mark even sang the Sesame Street theme song. Robin said she'd like to know what it's like to be in his brain.
Gary told Howard that Tim is on his way in and he didn't fall when he broke his ribs. Gary said all he did was stand up on his bike and he broke the ribs.
Tim came in and said he was going up a hill and he got up to the top and stood up. He said he stood up on the bike and he was at the top of the hill and he just hyper extended himself and he broke ribs. Tim said he stood up and he just collapsed when he cracked the ribs.
Fred said that what Tim is doing is very athletic. He said Tim should not be on an offroad bike in the shape he's in. Howard said last time he came back from one of these rides he couldn't button his own pants. He couldn't feel his hands.
Gary said Jon Leiberman is working on getting the 9-1-1 call for Tim. Howard said Tim should be out there fucking instead of riding motorcycles. Tim said he likes riding dirt bikes. Howard said he'd be fucking chicks instead.
Howard said Tim can't even think straight with his broken ribs. Tim said he has pain pills but he's not taking them. Tim said he has to go back and sit down. Howard told him to walk out so he can watch him. He said it must be funny. Howard asked Tim why he's doing this stuff. Tim said this was a wake up call. He said he has to get back in shape.
Howard said he went to dinner with Tim and he had his buddy Pat there. He said Tim was talking about how he has to get to the gym and Pat told him to give him a call. Tim said that he's very busy and he doesn't have time to do that. Howard said he's not that busy. He said he calls Tim and he's out to lunch all the time. Howard said Tim can't even shit in a bowl with good aim and he's out there riding motorcycles.
Howard said Tim is so fucked up. Howard said this is like a suicidal thing. He said if he lost the feeling in his hand he wouldn't want to go out again. Howard said Tim doesn't have to do this stuff. Tim said he enjoys it. Howard said Tim is so busy that he had time to go bike riding for two days.
Howard let Tim walk out and then took a call from Wheels. Wheels asked if he thinks that he should be talking about politics. Howard said he can do what he wants. Wheels said that all politicians are the same. Howard said he doesn't look at it that way. Howard said there are some really bright guys and he doesn't think they're all assholes.
Howard said that Arlen Specter died yesterday. He said he was on the show a few times and he was a good guy. Howard said he's sorry to hear that.
Wheels was telling Howard that he has to go with Romney. He said he's not going to be that bad. Wheels told Howard that Romney was a great governor for Vermont. Howard and Robin corrected him and said that it was Massachusetts. Howard said he really shouldn't be talking politics himself. Howard said he has to get off of this political thing now anyway. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he digs this song. Howard said that's the Allman Brothers. Fred said he thinks it's from Sirius. Howard said sometimes he doesn't know what's being played because he's in the middle of doing something. He said he does know music.
Howard said he has the Top 5 songs to play. Howard said the number 5 song is ''We Are Never Getting Back Together'' by Taylor Swift. He said she's super cute and dating a Kennedy. Howard said he thinks they'd have a lot in common. Number 4 was Some Nights by Fun. Howard played an Ed Torian song in there as a goof too. Howard said number 3 was by Blue Iris but it was actually ''While We're Young'' by One Direction. Number 2 was Gangnam Style by Psy. Howard said he actually likes that one. He said he can dance to that one. Howard demonstrated for Robin. Robin laughed as he did his thing. Howard said he just broke two ribs. Howard let that song play a little longer. Howard said he likes this one part. He said if he put that song out himself it wouldn't do anything. He said this guy puts it out and it's a huge hit. Howard wondered where they found the guy who does the dance to the song and how they found him. Robin said she thinks he put out his own YouTube video.
Howard said the number 1 song in the country is this. He played Crackhead Bob singing ''Bad Day.'' Howard said it's actually Maroon 5. Howard said they're on a mad tear. Howard said that Adam took a job on The Voice and everything turned around for them. Howard said he's a nice guy and he likes them.
Howard got some notes on the Gangnam Style song and said that the guy who dances is the guy who wrote the song. Howard said he didn't know that.
Robin said that the number one movie at the box office was Taken 2. She said that Argo was number 2. Howard said that this guy Psy has put out six albums. He finally got a big hit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about Michael Vick being allowed to adopt a dog. Howard said that baffles his mind. He said things have calmed down for the guy and instead of keeping things quiet he decides to get a dog. Howard said ''what the fuck is that all about?'' Howard said it's like a child molester getting out of jail and moving next door to a playground. Howard said this drags it all up again. Howard said this is no different than Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown. He asked if there is no other guy in the world for her.
Howard said Michael Vick apparently tweeted out a picture himself with his daughter at the table and people noticed Milk bones in the background. Vick says that he understands people's feelings toward that but he's trying to have his kids develop a healthy bond with pets. Howard said that's a bunch of bull shit and you know he didn't write that himself. Howard said something should have been written that would never allow the guy to own a dog again.
Howard said if Michael Vick walks into the North Shore Animal League a buzzer goes off over his head. The caller said he's not sure how he's allowed to get a dog. Howard read some more about Vick and said that he never had a dog as a kid and he's not sure why this guy would claim that his kids needed one. Howard said that this guy should not have a dog, a cat or even a hamster. Howard said he blew it. Howard said if this guy is dreaming of a commercial endorsement he must be out of his mind. The caller said Vick was so possessed with killing dogs he knew more about that than the play book for his team.
Howard said the guy should not be around dogs. He said this guy is insane. He said the guy is a fucking maniac. He said he's a sociopath. Howard said he just read that he has an endorsement deal with Nike. Howard said you'd think his people would tell him not to stir things up if he has a deal like that.
Lisa said that they spoke to Dr. Mark about Horse and his ''pinching it'' thing. She said that Mark told them that this could cause issues in the future if he keeps it up. Howard said he doesn't get how he can do that because he feels so good finishing. Howard said he can't imagine wanting to stop the ejaculation that way. Howard said it's sickening to him. Howard said the normal sex act is so great that he wouldn't even experiment with it. Howard said he's so pleased with the outcome he wouldn't want to mess with it. Howard said whatever it is it's just fine. Howard said people have such fetishes.
Lisa said that Benjy Bronk has a new iPhone app out that's free. It's called the Benjelisa. You'll be able to find out their show dates and things like that in the app. She said it was made by the same people who made the Ugly Meter app.
Howard said that most of the spouses on the show want to be famous. He said that the only one who doesn't is Gary's wife Mary.
Howard asked Benjy why he thinks the world hasn't discovered Elisa. Benjy said that there are many talented people who don't get discovered. Benjy said that Howard must know a lot of very talented people who don't make a career out of it. Howard said he really doesn't. Howard said Fred is very talented but he's not going anywhere with it. Benjy said he thinks that it doesn't mean you're untalented if you don't make it big. Howard asked how old she is. Benjy said she's almost 30. He said he's the one pushing her to do it. Howard said Benjy needs to be with a superstar. Benjy said he thinks she's an incredible musician and it would be a shame if she didn't keep doing it.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks that Elisa has the ability. Fred said she could but the people who really want to do this aren't singing with Benjy and making apps in their living room. Benjy said that Elisa was going to give it up but he wants her to keep doing it. Howard cut Benjy off and thanked him. He said he's had enough discussion about his girlfriend.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Jon Hein has been hired by Wendy's... Howard cut her off and asked what Benjy was saying. Benjy had a challenge for him. He said that they should have her come up with a song in a half hour and she'll beat anyone they bring up there. Even Elton John. Howard said he's going to let Benjy arrange that. Benjy said the challenge is out there now.
Howard got back to Lisa and Lisa said that Jon Hein has been hired by Wendy's to judge a burger making contest. Lisa said he wanted to be paid in coupons because he eats there so much. She said that they actually paid him though.
Lisa said that Kenny Rogers was up there and she spoke to him about Howard. She said he's a big fan. Howard asked if he would write a song for this Benjy contest. Lisa said she'll have to find out. Howard said they'll have Kenny in with Elisa and they'll give them a half hour to write a song. Howard said they can write in any genre. Howard said that they have to do both lyrics and music. Howard said Kenny Rogers might win. Howard said he had to get out of this conversation with Benjy. He said he was stuck in the vortex.
Howard said the two hosts were horrible and he defies anyone to stay awake during this. Eric said that the two hosts are fans of Howard's. Howard said Eric is deadly. He said that this is so boring. He played some audio from the show where the two guys were talking to Eric asking for who he thinks is going to win the matches they have coming up. Howard played a minute of that and asked if Robin was still paying attention. Robin said she was done. She said that she stopped paying attention a long time ago.
JD came in and told Howard some of the highlights from this TNA video clip. Howard played a clip where Eric said he was hoping to see someone getting choked out. Howard asked why he wasn't on camera. Eric said he was getting ready to go to a doctor's appointment. Howard said he doesn't understand.
Howard played more of the clip where this guy Bobby Rude came on and went off on Eric since Eric said he wanted to see him getting choked out. Bobby was telling Eric to watch and learn. Eric said that Bobby got his ass kicked in that match. Howard said he doesn't think they put Eric on video because Bobby can't yell at a guy the size of a football.
Howard played the end of the show where the hosts thanked Eric for calling in. Eric was trying to say something but they cut him off in the middle of a sentence. Howard laughed at that. Howard said he's not the only one who hangs up on him.
Howard asked what Eric was going to say. Eric said he was going to say it would be nice to be there live. Howard said he was going to beg for tickets. Howard asked if he was going to ask them to fly him out there too. Howard played music over Eric like they did on that TNA show.
Howard said that if he plays the real boring clips it's hard to sit and listen to. JD said yes to that. Howard played some more of the show where Eric was making his picks.
Eric talked about that Gangnam Style video that Howard mentioned earlier and said Howard really doesn't know anything about it. Eric corrected him on some stuff and then Howard let him go. Howard said he has a statement from Bubba the Love Sponge about the Hulk Hogan tape. Howard said after you hear it you'll have even less information than you have now. They went to break before getting to any of that.
Howard came back and asked if everyone has been over to HowardStern.com to see the tribute to the fallen member of the show. Howard said they have a new one up for Hank the Dwarf. Howard said it's like the Steve Jobs tribute on Apple's web site. Howard said they also have the leaked Gary Dell'Abate photo shoot pictures. Howard said that Brian Phelan also has a blog up there and they have some Miss Howard TV pictures up there too.
Howard said that Gilbert Gottfried is there. Howard said Gilbert is a comedian and he's known as Rabbi Gottfried and Dice Gottfried. Howard said he's also Dracula Gottfried. Howard said he's a man of many names. Gilbert came in singing as Rabbi Gottfried. Howard asked Gilbert some questions but Gilbert just laughed and kept singing.
Howard said that Gilbert is very compassionate and asked if his congregation is hurting. Gilbert said they are suffering all over the world. Howard asked him to sing a prayer for them. Gilbert went into song again.
Howard asked Gilbert if his parents dragged him to temple all the time as a kid. Gilbert said it wasn't all the time but there were a lot of funerals. Howard asked if he would sing at the funerals. Gilbert said he would. Gilbert said that they would put the pebble on the tombstone and he enjoyed that for some reason. Gilbert said you would find a pebble on the ground and use that to put on the tombstone. Howard asked if they used those instead of flowers because the Jews were so cheap. Gilbert laughed.
Howard asked about the singing and Gilbert said people would talk about the dead person and almost sing as they were talking. Howard said those songs would go on and on and on during the funeral. Gilbert said you don't even know when it's going to end. He said you never know if it has an ending or not. Gilbert did an impression of the Rabbi singing and almost ending the song but he just keeps going.
Gilbert said the good thing about the funerals was when there were assorted cookies available. Howard said it's so depressing being a Jew. Howard said every holiday is about death. He said Jon Stewart did a big about this and how the Christian kids were having candy around Easter and the Jews are eating this stuff that's supposed to represent the bones and legs of something. Howard said that they don't really celebrate. He said that the Christians know how to celebrate but not the Jews. Howard said that there are so many depressing things about the religion. Howard and Gilbert were going back and forth talking about that stuff and how the Christians know how to have fun.
Howard asked Gilbert if he ever wanted to convert. Gilbert said he remembers reading about Steven Spielberg being embarrassed to be a Jew when he was a child. Gilbert said he thinks that every Jew has felt that way.
Howard said Gilbert said he didn't like Sarah Michelle Gellar because she pretend not to be Jewish. Gilbert said she has Jewish parents and she denies being Jewish. He said you just have to look at her nose and you can tell she's Jewish.
Howard asked Gilbert if the songs he sings are even real because he asked Shuli if he recognized any of the lyrics and he said it was all gibberish. Gilbert said it's close.
Gilbert said that centuries ago there were people who would beat themselves and that's basically what the Jews are. Howard said that Gilbert will get into something and he'll just go on forever with the bit. Howard said it's like 3 hours of that singing that Gilbert does. Gilbert sang a little more and said that they get to that middle part and they are really suffering at that point.
Howard asked Gilbert if he went to Hebrew school. Gilbert said he didn't and he has to thank God for that. Howard asked how he avoided that. Gilbert said he grew up in Brooklyn and there were a lot of blacks and Puerto Ricans there. He said he was very popular there. Howard asked if he was lonely there. Gilbert said ''oh yeah.'' Howard asked if that's where he developed that black accent he does. Gilbert did some of that black guy impression he does that's so stereotypical. Howard asked if he got beat up there. Gilbert said he would get punched a lot. Howard asked what he thinks about the bullying thing. Gilbert said he just thought that was a part of his life.
Howard asked Gilbert if he would do these impressions for his parents. Gilbert said he would do that and he made hand puppets too. He said he would do his Dracula. Howard said h would love it if his kids could do that. Howard said he loved that kind of stuff.
Howard said he loves Gilbert's Dracula and his Groucho Marx. Howard said he heard him doing his Seinfeld impression during Impressions Week and he was amazed at how good it was. Howard said he was spot on with the impression. Gilbert said he used to work with Seinfeld and he wasn't known at all back then. Gilbert said he would start going up on stage and doing his impression of Jerry. He said Jerry would stick around and say that's nothing like what he sounded like in the same voice.
Howard asked Gilbert about doing his comedy on stage and how he was known as the comic's comic because he'd do material about the other comics before they got on stage. Gilbert said people would walk out while he was doing his thing. Howard asked if Jerry got mad at him. Gilbert said that he wouldn't look in your eyes. He said he would look at the air in between the two of you. He said it's something very strange about Jerry. Howard said Gilbert is called strange too. Gilbert said he knows he's talking about someone else being weird. He cracked up when he realized that.
Howard asked Gilbert about doing his impressions as a kid and if his parents thought it was an incredible talent. Gilbert said that he used to put on puppet shows and he had a coffee table that he'd throw a blanket on to do the shows. He said he would do them just for his parents. Howard asked if they would tell him to put it away or were they actually into it. Gilbert said he thinks that his parents were scared of him. He said he once did a Dracula and a Jekyll and Hyde thing. He said that he did his own special effects and he had some Popsicle sticks that he used to paint red to make it bloody. He said that he would also hide an Alka Seltzer thing in a cup to make it bubble up in the show. Howard asked if he ever had Groucho take on Dracula. That got Gilbert into his old Groucho impression.
Howard asked Groucho some questions and Gilbert would answer as Groucho when he was old and speaking slowly. Howard said Groucho would tell stories when he'd go on TV and he'd go on and on like that. Gilbert said he was known for those crazy shows he used to do and then he'd come on and he'd creep out with the golf cap and turtle neck on. He said he would talk show and you'd go ''Oh my god...'' Howard said you'd think that all of the TV's were turning off while he was on. Howard said he's this senile old man and you just go ''Oh shit!''
Gilbert said in the old days he was very fast and he was fast on his feet. Then when he was old he'd be asked about going fishing and Groucho would say ''that sounds pretty fishy to me.'' Howard said you know they worked it out ahead of time.
Howard said he worked with Milton Bearle when he was old and he had to meet with him before doing the show. Milton asked him to say that he deserved an Emmy for his work on Beverly Hills 90210. Howard said they worked out what they were going to say to each other. Howard said that's what the old comics used to do.
Gilbert said that he remembers that 90210 show and he used to have a joke about it. Gilbert said that Rodney made him sad toward the end. Howard said he was kind of like that toward the end. Howard said he was so great though. Gilbert said Rodney would do a set and then the panel would be even better. Gilbert said he did two films with Rodney. He said that he did ''Meet Wally Sparks'' and ''Back by Midnight.'' Howard said he doesn't even know those. Gilbert said they had some weird people investing in those films. Gilbert said he saw Rodney screw up ''I don't get no respect'' toward the end. He said he was hoping that someone would make him retire.
Howard said he had audio of Groucho calling Swap Shop. He played the clip where Sal and Richard had audio of Gilbert calling into that show and choking as he was trying to get his words out. Then they had Gilbert calling in with that black voice he does. Gilbert was cracking up hearing himself in those calls. Sal and Richard had Gilbert call in as Old Groucho talking about old Westerns.
Howard said that's when Groucho called Swap Shop. He said he likes how nice they had to be to him since he's an old man.
Howard asked Gilbert more about the impressions and if he ever got anything from his parents that they thought he was brilliant. Gilbert was opening up his plug and Howard said he would do it. Howard gave him some plugs for some upcoming comedy gigs he had. Howard said he really is desperate. He said he has a book out too called ''Rubber Balls and Liquor'' which is available at GilbertGottfried.com. He said you can buy autographed copies there.
Howard said Gilbert is on Twitter @RealGilbert. He asked about the whole Afflack thing since he got fired based on a tweet. Gilbert said he likes how they just have a guy doing an impersonation of him now. He said they were so against him but they just found someone who sounds like him. Gilbert said what really pissed him off was when they were looking for a new voice and they would start putting it in his emails and twitter account. He said he got these phony bullshit ads. He said they were making up ads like the boner bill ads and they were making it like that for the search for the new voice.
Gary asked if Gilbert made $300,000 a year with that. Gilbert said he made good money. He didn't want to say what he made. Gary said that was a national spot. Howard said he thinks Gary thinks it's more than it actually was. Howard said he thinks Gary thinks Gilbert makes a lot more than he actually does. Gary said Gilbert has a lot of franchises out there. He does voices and stuff. Gilbert said he has the best agents in the world. He said he did Problem Child 2 and his agent said ''I think that's more than the last time'' when he told him how much he was going to make.
Howard said when you see Gilbert on TV you think he's wealthy but he has the fame without the wealth. Robin said you'd think that the Afflack thing was a lot of money because it ran so long. Gilbert said they loved him so much they fired him for making a tsunami joke. Howard said he's a victim of poor timing. Howard said if he made a joke now no one would even care. He said he did it right after that disaster and he got fired.
Gilbert said he got fired from a comedy club after that too. He said he's a comedian and he got fired for telling a joke. Gilbert said even Paris Hilton made a gay reference in a cab and she lost work over that. Howard said everyone is taping everyone else out there.
Howard asked Gilbert if he has an iPhone and tapes everyone. Gilbert said sometimes he does. Gilbert said he wrote an article about Daniel Tosh getting in trouble over a rape joke. Howard said he apologized for that. Gilbert said Dane Cook got in trouble too for telling a joke about the Batman shootings. Howard said everyone gets in trouble.
Howard brought up how great Gilbert's impressions were and how great they would have been on Saturday Night Live when he was on the show. Howard said they never took advantage of those. Gilbert said he had a writer come up to him once on SNL and told him he might have to do an impression so he should have Joe Piscopo help him out.
Howard said that Gilbert is really humble and he won't push himself on anyone. Howard said he won't tell someone that he does a Dracula impression. He would rather just wither away on the vine. Gilbert said he's not Milton Bearle. Howard said Gilbert never pushed himself. Gilbert said he would just walk in and creep around. Howard said that's too bad because if he had pushed he could have done those things on the show. Gilbert said he doesn't know why he does that. He said he's one of those people who builds up a gigantic thing of ''Oh, I should have said that...'' Howard said if he was his agent he would have told him to do his Seinfeld impression and things like that.
Gilbert said that Howard is the one who insisted that he do his Dice impression on the channel 9 show. Howard said he asked him to come out for 5 minutes with the leather jacket on and it was so funny. He said he was relentless with the gay jokes and it was incredible. Howard said it drives him nuts with this Gilbert. He said it's very difficult to get him to do something.
Howard said Gilbert dropped out of school at 16 and went out on his own. Gilbert said there's a thin line between stupidity and bravery. He said he may have been stupid. Gilbert said that he used to do other impressions like Peter Lorre and the young Groucho. He said even back then his act was totally dated. Howard said Gilbert didn't care what people thought though.
Howard asked Gilbert if he dropped out because he was getting bullied. Gilbert said that was part of it. He said that people have to stop whining about getting bulled and deal with it.
Gilbert said he thought his parents were just two assholes when he was a kid but now that he's older he gets what they were going through. Howard asked about dropping out and what he did after that. Gilbert said he dropped out and he would go to the library to make people think he was still in class. Gilbert said he just failed at everything.
Howard asked Gilbert how he writes if he didn't have an education. Gilbert said he figured it out over the years. Gilbert said he meets so many people who graduated college with degrees and they sound like such total assholes.
Gilbert said he meets people who are trying to get into comedy and he just thinks that they're assholes for even trying. He said that it's really not easy. He said he met so many people coming up but now he doesn't know who they are or what they even looked like. Howard said Gilbert is lucky that he made it. Gilbert said some of these people just fell off the face of the earth. He said he thinks about his own career and thinks about how he's like the biggest thing in show business.
Howard said he thinks that Doug Stanhope is a great comedian and he wonders what kind of career he's having. Howard said Gilbert has had all kinds of opportunities over the years. He said if you're just a road comic then it's really tough. Gilbert said some of them don't even make it to that level.
Howard asked Gilbert if he likes doing the roast shows. Howard said he saw him on the Roseanne roast and it was great. Howard asked if he has to sit there and worry about bombing and tanking. Gilbert said he always does. Howard asked about the Roseanne Roast and if it's like being a beginner again. Gilbert said it is like that and he'll ask himself what the fuck he's doing there. Howard said he does that when he's on Letterman or something like that. Gilbert said that he has people looking at him while he's acting stupid and it'll just hit him about what he's doing.
Robin asked if he sees any funny genes in his kids. Howard said hopefully hot. Howard said it's very difficult to build a career. Gilbert said he has people ask him to look at scripts and it's not like he can get a studio to make it. Gilbert said that he once did a commercial where they had Don Rickles do something. He said Don asked the people who died for them to have to come to him. He said that's the way it is all the time.
Howard asked Gilbert if his parents are gone. Gilbert said his mother is gone now. Howard had met her in the hospital years ago. Howard asked if his mother got to meet the grand kids. Gilbert said she didn't. Howard asked if his parents ever said they were proud of him. Gilbert said there was none of that. Gilbert said that he saw a couple of people look impressed but no one said anything.
Howard asked if Gilbert's dad ever got the joke and thought he was funny. Gilbert said he would get it sometimes but not all the time. Howard asked if Gilbert got any help at the Roseanne Roast. Gilbert said he did have a little help.
Robin said Howard should hear what Gilbert said about her at the Joan Rivers roast. Gilbert had some jokes about her father molesting her that were brutal. Robin said they were awful jokes.
Howard said Gilbert went off on Roseanne and it was very funny. He asked him to remind him what it was about. Gilbert said he said she's like Rozilla.
Howard asked Gilbert if Roseanne was a good comedian or did he just want to roast her. Gilbert said she is one of those people who backed him up during the Tsunami thing. He said that she spoke out for him and he appreciated that. Howard asked Gilbert if he's one of those guys who thinks that women can't be funny. Gilbert said he is but there are a few he likes like Roseanne. Howard asked if comedians drive him crazy when they make it big and he doesn't think they're funny. Gilbert said that happens a lot. He said that's like when a movie comes out and you wonder what the hell people see in it.
Gilbert said he has noticed that all comedians will say that Richard Pryor influenced them. He said even if they've only heard a couple of Pryor jokes they'll say that he influenced them. Howard said that's like Imus. Howard said people thought that Imus influenced him but he had never even heard of him until he asked his father to send him tapes when he was working in Washington DC because NBC was going to hire him.
Howard asked Gilbert who influenced him. Gilbert said it was so many because he would watch those variety shows as a kid. He said that the stand-up albums are the most depressing things.
Gilbert said that he knows when Howard plays his laugh during the news or something because he gets angry tweets from people thinking that he was on. Fred played some of Gilbert's laughs and funny lines. Howard said that Robin will read a really sad story and they'll play his laugh. He said it's an angry but funny laugh.
Howard gave Gilbert some plugs for his book and Gilbert said you should buy it through his web site. Howard gave him his plugs for his upcoming comedy gigs. He had a pretty long list of shows.
Howard and Gilbert talked about the Twitter thing and if he does his own tweets. Gilbert said he did his own tsunami jokes. He also said that people get in trouble every day for tweeting something out that they have to apologize for.
Howard asked Gilbert about the eulogy he did for Phyllis Diller. Gilbert said that was for CNN. Howard said Gilbert was even joking during that. Howard said he just can't do anything serious.
Howard said they're going to leave now with Gilbert calling a gay bath house. Howard played the phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a bath house using clips of Gilbert doing his Dice Clay impression. Gilbert was cracking up listening to the call. Howard said that's one of his classics. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Neil Young song. Howard said that Bubba made a statement about the whole Hulk Hogan thing but he can't say much. Howard said he has an agreement with his ex-wife and he can't talk about her so he couldn't say much.
Howard played some audio from Bubba the Love Sponge's show where he brought up the Hogan tape. Bubba said he is part of a sex scandal and he isn't proud of it. Bubba said it's not good. Bubba said he's not sure if he can get into this stuff since he's got his marriage dissolution agreement. Bubba said he is guilty of being a smart ass and trying to be funny. He said he just blurts out some stuff. Bubba said that he would never ever hurt Hulk Hogan. He said he was his best man at his wedding and he would never do anything to hurt him. Bubba said the guy is his best friend. Howard said letting the guy fuck your wife is a good friend.
Bubba said that everyone should just figure it out. Robin said she's not sure how they can do that. She said they weren't given much. Bubba said that he's being made to look like the bad guy. He said he'll be called a rat and he can assure them that's not the case. He kept saying ''You guys figure it out.''
Howard said he heard from Bubba and he assured him that he's still friends with him. Howard said that Bubba did offer him to fuck his wife years ago. Howard said just imagine if he was taped. Howard said he's glad he wasn't thinking with his dick back then. Howard said he was far away enough that he didn't get the chance. Howard said Bubba is a good friend. He said that he would never stop being his friend if he let him fuck his wife. Howard said the reason he doesn't have any friends is because no one will let him fuck their wives.
Howard said he heard from Brent and Bubba and everyone wanted to talk. He said Brent just wanted to know if everyone was cool. Howard said Bubba did tell him some stuff that he can't say publicly. He said he hates that because he's afraid he'll blurt something out. Howard said he's going to stay friends with Bubba just in case he marries another hot chick. Howard said that's the whole Saga and everything is cleared up now. Robin said nothing is cleared up. She said she's not clear at all. Howard said she should have been able to figure it out.
Howard said that she comes back on after that and she's slurring her words. Howard played more audio where Cassie was trying to describe the product and she had some trouble getting her words out. They had to have her sit out again. The male host keeps going and takes a phone call.
Howard said that guy is like a robot. Howard said it's like that robot in Prometheus. Howard said he just saw that movie and thought it was great.
Robin said the NY Times Sunday Magazine was devoted to food this weekend. Howard said he threw it right out. He said it was so boring. Robin said it was great. She said they talk about how food is produced in this country. Howard said he was reading an interview with someone in there and when they get into the food talk he just zoned. Howard said he has to pick and choose what he reads in that paper because it's so massive. He said he did read some stuff in the paper but not that food special. Howard said that paper doesn't stick around. He said that's in the garbage already.
Robin read about this guy who had a heart attack in the city and had a guy doing CPR on him. Robin said the guy saved the guy's life and he left. Robin said they're trying to find him to thank him. Howard said his guess is he's a professional and highly trained professionals have learned their lesson from the legal system. Howard said if you make the mistake of helping someone you get the fuck out before they sue you. Howard said this guy had to have his ribs broken to give him CPR and he guarantees that he just didn't want to be sued. Howard said he had to walk the other way. Howard said the legal system has ruined human beings from being humane to other human beings. He said if you see someone dying on the side of the road then just run the other way.
Howard said he has to congratulate Tina Fey on something. He said he read about how she took out this dumb-dumb test thing from one of the books she wrote. Howard said she wrote that she wanted to give all politicians a test to find out how smart they are so everyone who votes could know how smart they are.
Robin read about a 14 year old Pakistani girl who was shot for trying to get attention for girls to get more education. Robin said they walked on a bus and just shot the girl.
Howard said he's been watching that show Revolution and something was bothering him. He said all of the girls are made up this their hair done and make up on. He said the look of the show isn't matching the world. Howard said that bothers him. Howard said he has been watching that show Arrow too. He said that the pilot was very good. Howard said the guy who plays the Arrow is very handsome.
Robin said the 14 year old girl she mentioned a minute ago is in a coma. She's not dead. Robin said that she's in a medical coma right now. Robin said that no matter how many Taliban there are they will never stop progress. Robin said in the areas where they don't educate women they have very unstable governments. Howard told Robin that she's not going to Pakistan. Robin said that Pakistan has to do something about this. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:50am, we heard a Chick-Fil-A commercial parody and Fred played Queen's ''Under Pressure'' as they were coming back. Howard read another live commercial and then had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about a trial that's getting under way for some 9/11 masterminds. Robin said they'll be up for trial in Guantanamo Bay. Robin said they face the death penalty. Robin said the actual trial isn't due to get underway until next year.
Robin said that 7 more people have gotten fungal meningitis from a batch of stuff that was tainted.
Robin read a story about hikers who were lost and asked Howard if he thinks we should go searching for people who do this. Howard said he has said for years that we shouldn't. He said that they do extreme hiking and the searches cost a fortune. Howard said the hikers should have to pay the whole bill. Howard said they should charge the family a million bucks. Robin said that these two hikers disappeared in Montana. Howard said that's like this guy Tim who works there and goes out riding his motorcycle and breaks his ribs. Howard said if he had to pay for the rescue then maybe he wouldn't be going out and doing it. Howard said he thinks that the tax payers pay for the ambulance.
Robin said the next debate is coming up tomorrow night. Howard said maybe he'll be able to decide who he's going to vote for after that. He was being sarcastic. Robin said she had some audio from Saturday Night Live where they made fun of the vice presidential debate. They played that and talked a little bit about the debates.
Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who said he was watching that Hulk Hogan interview and he mentioned that he was offered a role in The Wrestler and the director claims that never happened. The director said it was written for Mickey Rourke. Howard said he doesn't know who to believe anymore. He said his whole world is falling apart. Balls said he thinks that it's all a publicity stunt. Howard let him go and read another live commercial.
Robin read about how Morgan Freeman is going to give his voice to a President Obama campaign ad. Robin had some audio of that so she had Howard play that. Howard said he thought they had Morgan Freeman reading Ronnie's poem or something. He tried to find the clip. Fred found it and played the clip where a Morgan Freeman impersonator read Ronnie's ''Winter'' poem.
Robin read about Arlen Specter's death and had some audio of President Obama talking about him. Robin had some details about Specter's career. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and said that President Obama's campaign is saying that he'll perform better this time in the debate.
Robin read about Britney Spears and what she's supposed to be worth. Robin said that TMZ has leaked a document that says her recorded assets are over $30 million as of 2010. Howard said he wants to know how much ''over 30'' it is. Robin said that they say that the 30 doesn't even scratch the surface of her wealth. Howard asked what she's worth then. Robin said they reported at least 30 million.
Robin read about a mom who is upset about some messages in a toy she bought for her child. Robin said the cat sings the words ''chase me, rape me, you'll have fun.'' The mother says that the toy company said that's not what it says and they hung up on her. Robin said that they're trying to get the toy taken off shelves.
Robin read about the Jonas Brothers coming out with a new album. Robin had some audio of one of their new songs. Howard said he doesn't know their music. He said he does know Gangnam Style but not the Jonas Brothers. Fred played some gay porn clips and Howard said it does sound like gay dungeon music.
Robin read about Paula Abdul sitting in on The Voice as a guest. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard played more of the Gangnam Style song and said that's what Obama should come out to on the debate tomorrow night. Howard joked that George Martin produced that song. Howard said he bets that ever Bar Mitzvah boy comes out to that song. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who made a jump from the edge of space yesterday. Howard said all that guy did was parachute. Robin said that guy did break a record.
Robin said that they're saying Paul Shaffer might leave David Letterman. Howard said they say he gets $5 million a year doing that job. He has 3 years left on his contract.
Robin said that the Yankees are in the playoffs but Derek Jeter broke his ankle. Robin said things aren't looking good for the Yankees.
Robin said that Lindsay Lohan is supposed to do a one on one interview with Barbara Walters. Robin said Lindsay is like those swing voters but she swings between her parents. Robin said that she goes from one parents to the next when she has her problems. Robin said that she shouldn't be around either parent.
Robin read about Green Day going on hiatus. Robin said that Billy Joe Armstrong is in rehab and it may be longer than fans think. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said one of the big stories was Tim Sabean breaking his ribs. He said he is there working today. Jon said Tim is in some serious pain though. Jon said that Bubba also made that statement that Howard played toward the end of the show.
Jon said that Benjy is in there so he'll talk to him about what he was talking to Howard about today. Jon asked Benjy about what Howard said to him and how he feels about that. Benjy said he hates that kind of thing. He said most people enjoy success and there's nothing weird about that. Benjy said he pushes Elisa and he thinks that if she has a talent then it has to be put out there. Jon asked if he thinks that all of the wives want to be famous. Benjy said maybe a good percentage of the population enjoys it. He said he isn't sure if Jon's wife is in the arts. Jon said she bakes good cookies but she doesn't want to be famous for that.
Jon said that Elisa did have a career and she appeared to want it big. Benjy said she's not pushing for it. He said he thinks that she's incredible and that's why he's pushing her. Jon asked if she pushes him in the same way. Benjy asked what he means. Jon asked if she does the same kind of push for him. Benjy said to an extent she does. He said she doesn't work for the show so she can't really do that. Benjy said she does want to make dinner for him so she does that.
Gary came in so Jon asked him if he thinks that Howard was referring to other people on the show who want to be famous. Gary said that Jackie's wife and Stuttering John's wife wanted to be famous. He said that he's not sure that anyone on the show now has that going on.
Jon asked Gary if he's working on the challenge that Benjy threw down this morning. Gary said that he is. Benjy said he's not sure if Elisa is going to be into it. Gary told him he shouldn't issue the challenge if she's not going to do it. Benjy said she'll do it.
Benjy said that Natalie Maines reached out to them on Twitter and she feels that Elisa is talented. Gary said he thinks she is talented but when Benjy starts promoting it then it gets very Jackie-esque. Gary said Benjy promotes her and all he really has to do is say she's good. Benjy said that she is very good and you can listen to her music by searching for Elisa Jordana on YouTube. Jon told him to save the plugs for the end of the show.
Jon asked Benjy how long they've been a couple. Benjy said it's been about a year. Gary said he thought it was closer to Christmas that they got together.
Gary asked Benjy if he got Elisa on the show because he wanted to bang her. Benjy said he did want to bang her but that's not why he did it. He said he really did believe in her and he wanted to push for her to be on the show. Gary said Benjy pushed really hard for her to be on the show. Benjy said he pushed for Wanda Sykes to be on the show too though. He said he was into Elisa but he wasn't pushing to get her on the show so she'd like him.
Gary went in circles with Benjy a few times asking about wanting Elisa and wanting to get her on the show. Benjy said he did want her but that's not why he got her on the show. They went to break a short time later.
Tim was explaining how this one guy rebuilt his bike which is a 450 Honda. Gary asked if he was high. Tim said he was given pain killers but he doesn't take that shit. He said he did take morphine at the hospital but that was it. He said he will take Aspirin but that's about it. Scott asked what they gave Tim. Tim said he has pills but he's just taking Aleve.
Gary asked how long the ambulance took to get there. Tim said they were there in 7 minutes. He said it was incredible. Tim said that it all happened in the village of Howard so he took pictures to show on the web site. Gary asked if he'll ride again. Tim said he will. He said he has hurt himself on bikes before. Tim said that it's just stuff that happens. He said you can't let it beat you down.
Jon said that Howard thinks he's crazy for doing this. Tim said that everyone has their thing and he enjoys riding a dirt bike. He said all you do is focus on one thing and that's staying alive. He said he enjoys doing it and he's very comfortable riding a dirt bike. Tim said he's 57 so maybe he shouldn't be doing the kinds of things he is but he didn't have a problem when he ran it the day before.
The guys asked how much pain he's in. Tim said it's excruciating and it's not fun or funny in any form. He said anything he does is painful.
Benjy asked who is taking care of Tim now. Tim said he's just muddling through things. Gary said he heard that Jared (Tim's former assistant) is going to come back to help. Tim said Jared is actually back in the city and working for an internet company. Gary said he didn't know that.
Gary said that they would have excused him for not coming in today. Gary said even Howard would understand why he wouldn't come in. Tim said he has a responsibility to come in. He said that he any of them would do this. Gary said he needs to recover. Tim said he does but he has to work. He said he'll get there eventually.
Gary said it's funny that Scott says that they're brainwashing his kids but he's brainwashing them himself. Scott said he is usually very fair with his kids. He said he came up with the toy thing and there is truth to that. He said he thinks that the economy will do better under Romney than it will under Obama so his son could possibly get more toys. Scott said his son is only 8. Gary said that an 8 year old's core of existence is toys so it is a scare tactic. Scott said that's why he did that.
Scott said the things Howard says are so wrong. He said that he understands his basic premise but he was getting so many things wrong. Scott said they were wrong talking about the amount of money that Bush and Obama spent while in office.
Scott said he thinks that the debates are important. Gary said he's not sure why people can't make up their minds. Benjy said he thinks that thinking people have a hard time because they do think about more than just a couple of things. Benjy said if we're facing world war III then who is going to be best at handling it. Tim said he thinks that Romney will be best for the economy so that's why he's going to vote for him.
Scott said that Tim has been his closet Republican for years. Gary said he's hardly in the closet about that. They spent a minute more on that and then went to break.
Scott asked Ronnie if he wants big powerful engines in his cars. Ronnie said he does. He said he knows that Obama is trying to put an end to that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's going to decided on election day. Ronnie said he will. He said he doesn't know what Tim is trying to prove on that motorcycle. He said it's very physical to ride like he does. He said Tim isn't in shape. Gary said Tim is saying that the thrill of it is what makes him want to do it but then he says that there is no danger at all.
The guys were talking about how Tim still isn't sure when he broke his ribs. He stood up and heard a snap but then he fell and rolled down the hill. Ronnie said maybe he hit something hard and cracked his ribs. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about The Walking Dead ratings. Howard said Sunday night's season premiere got like 16 million viewers. Robin said that's like network numbers. Howard said he had to double check on those numbers. Howard said people passed out when he said that. Howard looked for the numbers and found 10.9 total viewers. Howard said he thought the NY Post had different numbers. Howard asked Gary if he has it. Gary said the NY Times had it as 10.9 too. Howard said he has to check the post again. Howard found it in the spot and they had it as 11 million. Howard said he thought it was 16.
Howard said for AMC that's insane numbers. Gary said it beat every non-sporting event this entire season. Howard said maybe he reversed his numbers for football and that show. Robin said cable channels don't get those kind of numbers. Howard said he loves that show. He said Showtime has great shows and AMC has great shows. He said he saw Homeland from this week. He said they're better than HBO all of a sudden. Howard said Breaking Bad is good too. That's on AMC as well. Robin said they have more latitude. Howard said Sons of Anarchy is good too. That's on FX. Robin said she's not so sure about that one.
Gary said they were counting the Encore Presentation of The Walking Dead because they had 5 million viewers with that. That's how they came up with 16 million.
Howard said maybe he forced himself on Jimmy. Howard said Jimmy always asks him to do his show and he never did it because he was out in L.A. Howard said Jimmy said he was coming to Brooklyn and he said he felt bad never doing the show so he'd do it if he wanted. Robin said of course he wants him to. Howard said Jimmy said maybe he doesn't because he wanted him to do the Halloween show. Howard said he didn't want to dress up in a costume so they moved him off that show.
Howard said they have Wanda Sykes Jr. (Rachel Butera) sitting in this morning. He asked her about the Jimmy Kimmel thing and she had some comments about that. Howard talked to Wanda for a short time and said he isn't attracted to her. Wanda said Howard is an attractive man to her. Howard said that a lot of lesbians are into him. He said it's good to have her in this morning.
Howard said he is booked on the Kimmel show. He said he even said to Jimmy that if he didn't want him it was okay. He said he loves Jimmy as a guy so he's willing to do the show. Howard said he loves that guy because he's so not a fucking asshole like so many people he meets. Howard said he should go on the show and tell him that.
Howard said he's gone on vacation with Jimmy. He said he doesn't see him a lot but when they do see each other it's great. Howard said they talk about work and the process they go through and all of that. Howard said both of them bitch about Fred. Fred said he's not sure how he became the defacto shot on guy. Howard told him to take it easy, it was a joke.
Wanda asked if Benjy is going to let Elisa near Mark McGrath because he'll run off with her. Howard said Mark is all settled down and he doesn't think he's going to run off with her. Wanda said just look at Benjy and look at Mark and you'll see what's going to happen.
Howard read about this guy who died at 53 years of age falling down a cliff. Howard said that Tim talks about how he needs the adrenaline. Robin said Tim is a mess and he shouldn't be doing this.
Howard said Gary accused Tim of being high yesterday on the Wrap Up Show. He said Tim was bragging that he wasn't taking any pain killers. Howard said Tim can barely stand up because of the pain. Howard said he sounds like his mother not taking novocaine. Howard said taking the pain is terrible. Robin said it prolongs your recovery because you can't move when you're in pain. She said you have to move to recover.
Tim told Howard he doesn't want to take the chance of getting addicted to the pain killers. Tim was in pain as he was talking to Howard. Howard said Tim really does have OCD. He said that he noticed that he had to mention all of the guys he went out riding with. Tim said he has to have everything in order when he does things. Tim said he just has to walk out of there with a clear conscience. Howard asked what will happen if he doesn't. Tim said he can't worry about anything. Howard said he must be embarrassed to mention what it is.
Howard played a clip of Tim talking about falling off his motorcycle after cracking his ribs. Tim was telling Gary and Jon about his buddy Paul coming to help and then Frank and Mark. He had to mention their names.
Howard asked Tim if he's going to give this up. Tim said he just wants to get healed first. Howard asked how he sleeps at night. Tim said he takes a couple of Aleve at night. Howard said Tim must know himself and he doesn't want to take those pain pills.
Wanda Jr. said she feels sympathy for the motorcycle that had to hold up his big ass. Howard asked if Tim had his bike built to go even faster. Tim said he did. Tim said that he has broken bones before. Howard said Tim doesn't even know how he did it. Tim said he had a moment there.
Howard played another clip of Tim talking about his riding buddies and what they do for a living. Then Gary asked him if he was high. Tim told Gary that he wasn't high. He said they did give him morphine at the hospital.
Howard played a song parody that Little Mikey had already made about Tim's accident. That was ''Motocross Rider.'' Howard said that's Little Mikey getting off Robin for a minute to write about Tim.
Howard played another song parody about Tim's broken ribs. Howard said he's not sure how Tim stands up and hyper extends. He said he had another song parody about Tim too. It was another one from Little Mikey.
Howard said they have pictures of Tim's accident on HowardStern.com. Tim said he had a few so Jason posted them up yesterday. Howard said Tim looks dead in one picture. Howard said Tim is so fat too. Howard asked Tim if he can control anything in his life. HE's got OCD but he's huge. Howard said his head looks like a pumpkin. Howard said he's going to put a stop to this motocross thing. Howard told him to sell the bike. Howard said he has to do whatever he has to do.
Howard asked Tim why he didn't just go to the gym instead of going riding. Howard said he's in tons of pain and it's upsetting to him. Tim said he's the last one he wants to upset. Howard asked Wanda if she can believe that. Wanda said she can't believe they can even find the ribs in there. Howard asked how they get through the fat to see what's going on in there. Tim told Wanda to take it easy. He told her not to kick a man when he's down.
Howard read through some email about Tim and his explanations about his crash. There were a bunch about how he should stop riding. Tim said he's a man so what is he supposed to do. Howard said he has to get in shape. He said he's heavier now than he is when he went on his original diet. Howard said he can see his back fat. Tim said he's not that big. Tim asked for a trainer to contact him. Howard said he can call to Pat. Howard said he already talked to him. Tim said he has to get back to that.
Howard said he's seen people get up before work and hit the gym for an hour. Tim said he was up at 3 this morning. He said he went to bed at 8. Howard said he's the busiest man in show business. Howard said Tim can't even move. Tim said he had to get back to work. Howard said he knows guys who are dying that can move better than Tim. Howard said he literally knows a guy who is dying who can move better. He said he's not joking about that. He said he knows dead people who can move better than him. Robin said the zombies on The Walking Dead can move better.
Howard said everyone is singing and doing their thing. He played Mark the Bagger singing the Happy Days theme song. Howard played another Little Mikey song parody about Robin called ''This Hard On Of Mine.'' Then he played another one by Mikey.
Howard said JD was on the train this morning and when you take the subway there it's insane. He said you're stuck in a tin can with crazy people like sardines. Howard said in New York it's an everyday occurrence when you see crazy people. Howard said this woman was yelling for 20 minutes so JD recorded her. Howard said it went on and on and on. Howard said this woman wasn't yelling at anyone in particular. She was just yelling. Howard played the audio and this woman was going on and on yelling and you have no idea why. Howard wondered who she was yelling at. Howard said maybe she saw a vision of someone like her mother. Howard said you worry about her noticing you and maybe hitting you. Howard said she is a woman so what are you supposed to do?
Gary said there's a guy downstairs that sells art and he just yells at everyone as they walk by. Howard said there are a lot of people who complained when they started clearing the homeless from the streets. He said he's not sure who would get upset about that. Gary said you think that these people are amusing until they look at you. Howard said that locking these people up is the right thing to do. He said he's not sure who would be against that.
Gary said there was a guy who would stand on 96th street holding a machete. He said he'd get arrested and then he'd get out in 30 days and do the same thing. Robin said that guy would carry on and yell. Gary said he was called the Mad Man of 96th Street. Howard said maybe he was just cutting crops. Howard said his uncle was a New York City cop and he shot one of those guys. Howard said this guy was walking down the street swinging a hatchet so his uncle told him to out it down and the guy didn't stop. He said his uncle warned him again and the guy started swinging so his uncle put 5 bullets in him. Howard said his uncle had to go through a trial and everything. He said he was honored after doing that. Howard said he saved some lives taking that guy out.
Robin said he loves people who can't control their own loved one and then the cops shoot them and they complain about it. Howard said it's like the police are supposed to know how to handle it.
Howard asked Wanda if she's ever had a problem with the police. Wanda said that homeless woman sounds like her aunt.
Wanda Jr. asked Gary who he's really voting for. Gary said he's voting for Obama. Howard said that Biden had such fake teeth and he should have seen him in the debates. Howard said they'll be spending a few minutes talking about retardation during the debates tonight. Howard said that he had better vote for Obama because Mitt Romney is against retardation.
Gary was saying that Obama raised the price of gas. Howard said he thinks that Obama said he wants retarded people put to sleep. Gary said he did not. Howard said he still wants to vote for Obama. Gary said he wants to get rid of Obama. Robin asked who he's voting for them. Gary said anyone besides him. Wanda said she thought that he said he was going to vote for Obama. Wanda asked if he's against him for being black. Gary said that's not the reason. Howard asked if Scott DePace told him he'll get less toys if he votes for Obama. Gary said he's too old for toys. Howard thanked Gary for endorsing him for President. Gary said he'll vote for Howard.
Howard asked Gary if he's still working. Gary said he is. He said he's had that job for almost 8 years. Howard asked what the name of the place is. Gary said it's ''Burger Bail'' and Howard said that can't be the name of the place. Howard asked how he gets to work. Gary said he walks. He told Howard he's not smoking anymore but Howard said that can't be true. Gary said he quit.
Howard said the name of the restaurant is actually Burgerville. He asked if people goof on him at work. Gary said they don't. He said they ask when he's going to be on Howard Stern. Howard asked if Gary ever hears for that woman who tried to rip him off. Gary said something but Howard said he's very hard to understand. He said he used to be easier to understand. Gary said he needs new dentures or something like that.
Wanda asked if Gary can really vote. Gary said he can. Wanda said we're fucked. Howard asked how he votes if he can't read. Gary said someone reads for him. Howard said the person probably tells him to vote for the wrote person.
Howard said the only true swing vote is the retard vote. Howard asked who his favorite President was. Gary said it's been so long he doesn't remember. Howard asked if he's voted every time. Gary asked when he's going to come back on the show. Howard asked if he voted for Ronald Reagan. Gary said nope. He didn't vote for Clinton either. He voted for Bush. Howard let Gary go a short time later.
Howard said he might have to go execute Sal again. Howard said he has to see about that. Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard where they took turns calling him on two different phones.
Howard said they drive Gary nuts. Howard asked how Gary has a cell phone. He said his job must pay some good money.
Howard picked up on Eric and Eric said ''good morning Rachel.'' when he heard Wanda Sykes. Howard said Eric didn't have to do that. Eric said he's just pointing out that he's not falling for that. Howard said it's not like no one knew. Howard said now they have to start the show all over again. He had Rachel do her Underdog Lady impression and told Eric not to fuck this up. Howard said it's not anyone he knows, it's Underdog Lady.
Howard said that Wanda had to leave so now they have Underdog Lady in there. Fred kept playing a bunch of phony Eric clips where he calls himself names. Eric told Fred to knock it off.
Eric asked Howard if he saw the tweet he sent to Sharon Osbourne last night. Howard said he did not. Howard said he and Sharon were on the phone together yesterday. Howard said he doesn't know what Eric has to do with that though. Eric said he told Sharon that he has learned that Howard is not an awful person like everyone says he is. Howard said that's some compliment. Howard asked who is saying that he's an awful person. Howard said Eric is the one doing that. Eric said a lot of people didn't want him to be a part of America's Got Talent. Howard said that's true. He said that happens a lot though.
Eric told Howard that there is a new product out for cats like the diaper genie. He said that it's a machine you put the cat litter into so you can scoop it out and it takes the odor out like a diaper genie does. Howard said they take the crap and put it in a bag and put it in the garbage in the garage. Howard said he buys fresh litter. Eric said this just keeps the odor out of the room the cat litter is in. Howard said he doesn't like it. He wondered who changes Eric's litter.
Howard said Eric screwed things up for Rachel when he revealed it was her instead of Wanda. Howard let Eric go and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a great sound in that song. Howard asked if that was Bowie and Freddie Mercury. Fred said it was. Howard wondered if they blew each other. Howard said he thinks he can hear that in the background. Fred played some gagging sounds.
Howard said Victoria Jackson used to be on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he hasn't seen her in years. Howard asked when she was last on. She said she was 28 and now she's 53 and a grandmother. Howard said Victoria's voice is very young sounding. Victoria said that she explores a lot of theories about her voice in her book (Is My Bow Too Big? How I went from SNL to the Tea Party). She said that Dr. Drew thinks that she's trying to please her father with that voice psychologically. Victoria said there are some other theories about it too.
Victoria said she thinks that her puberty was delayed because she was doing gymnastics as a child. She said she thinks her voice got stuck.
Victoria told Howard about how her father treated her as she was growing up and even on his death bed. She said when he was on his death bed he told her that she was fat and she should be on The Biggest Loser.
Victoria got into character and changed her voice to do a liberal character that she does. She did that for a few seconds.
Howard said that Victoria seems to have gone in a really radical political direction. Victoria said that when she was on SNL she never was political but she was always Christian. Howard said that you'd think that you'd go the other way based on the way her father treated her. Victoria said she was probably brainwashed to be a born again Christian. She said she had Jon Lovitz read something about being born again and he said that you can't crawl back into your mother's womb and be born again.
Howard said he's curious about Victoria because she was spouting some things that were really out there. Howard said he had to ask her what the fuck happened to her. Victoria quoted some bible stuff and told Howard he should read her book ''Is My Bow Too Big? How I went from SNL to the Tea Party.''
Howard said this is like wrestling. Howard said he has to jump around a bit with her. Victoria told Howard that her father was very strict with her and she's not the same with her kids. She said she wishes she had a coach like that for her.
Victoria said that they didn't even have a TV when they were kids. She said that she wasn't brainwashed either. She said her brother grew up in the same house and he hates church but she loves it.
Howard asked Victoria about Lorne Michaels. Victoria said she just saw him like 4 days ago but he didn't even give her a cameo. Howard said Victoria went on the Johnny Carson show and did some impressions and Lorne saw her on there and gave her a job on SNL. Victoria said that's what happened. She said that she has the story in the book. She said that Lorne said that she was weak on characters and impressions. She said she thought that she was going to lose her shot so she rented some videos and practiced doing them. She said she went on Carson and did the impressions badly but people laughed. She said that was the whole idea of doing the impressions bad. She said she did one that she made up on the spot so Lorne would see her making up a character. Victoria said she's not sure if Lorne saw her and hired her that day though.
Howard said that Victoria used to go around asking the writers to write something for her. She said that she wasn't able to get anyone to do it. Victoria said that she asked them to write and the didn't have anything for her. She said she asked Lorne about that and he told her that maybe she should get them food. Howard said it's weird that they hire someone and they don't write anything for her.
Victoria said that someone would write something for her once in a while and throw her a bone. She said they were all afraid of being fired. She said that she eventually learned to do some characters and she did a Roseanne impression and things like that. Howard said she became a good impressionist. Victoria said she asked Robert Smigel about what characters she could do and he suggested Roseanne.
Howard said that Victoria is very conscious about who is Jewish. He said she points out that Lorn Michaels is Jewish in her book. Howard said she talks about how everyone in Hollywood is Jewish and liberal. Victoria said that there are a lot who are.
Victoria said that she thinks that the Jews are the smartest people on earth because that's what her dad told her. Howard said he's starting to think that the voice does have something to do with her father. He said that he's like god to her and she's in love with him. Victoria said he has a lot of flaws. Victoria said that he had some good ideas too.
Howard asked Victoria if she was ever molested as a child. She said she wasn't but she was in a gymnastics suit and then she'd go to church where they wanted her to dress conservatively. Howard said you can see everything in a gymnastics outfit. He said you can see vagina and Victoria said she doesn't even say that word.
Howard asked Victoria about the gay marriage thing. Victoria said that there is no such thing as gay marriage. She said marriage is between a man and a woman. She said if we change that then it will upset God. Howard said that we should change it. Victoria didn't agree. Howard said they should show people reality because there are people who love the same sex. Victoria said maybe we should show murder too.
Howard said that Victoria wrote about how Glee shouldn't have two gay characters dating when there are 8 year olds watching at home. Howard said that's reality though. Howard said that it's wonderful when it's out of the closet. Victoria said she doesn't have cable because they don't want to see nudity. Howard said he's talking about human compassion. She asked if he's for more than two people loving each other. Howard said he's not going to hate someone for something like that. Victoria said she never said she hated these people. Howard said he doesn't see anything wrong with portraying gay people on TV.
Victoria said they never show the dark side of homosexuality. Howard asked what the dark side is. Victoria said she had a friend tell her what it's like. Robin said she's acting like heterosexual people don't have dark sides. Victoria said they should get off of this and on to the next funny topic.
Howard asked Victoria why she calls President Obama a communist. Victoria said they should be vetting him over this. Howard said that just because he had people in his family who were communists doesn't mean Obama is communist. Victoria said that he's talking about redistributing the wealth. Howard said every president has said that. Howard said he takes it that she's going to be voting for Romney.
Howard asked Victoria what happened. She asked if they're supposed to go to commercial. Howard said he is like god there and he doesn't go until he wants to. Victoria said she tried to do a radio show last year and it's very hard. Victoria said she just wants to get the truth out there. Howard asked what the truth is. Victoria said that Obama isn't helping the economy on purpose. She had theories about what Obama is up to and why he's not drilling for oil and creating jobs. Victoria said that global warming is fake too. She said that it's all based on fake science.
Howard said we have so many people on this planet and we're polluting it and having droughts that we've never seen before. Victoria said that's just not true. She also thinks that Obama's birth certificate is fake. Howard said that they've shown the birth certificate. Victoria said that her brother showed her how it's fake. She said they have so many mistakes on that birth certificate. Victoria said she knows everything about Mitt Romney after reading about him. She said she read about his Mormon background. Howard told her about what went on at Bain Capital. Victoria said she didn't read about that.
Howard said he believes in abortion. Victoria said of course he does because he has naked women around him all the time. Howard said he doesn't have them there all the time. Victoria said this new wife must be more strict.
Victoria told Howard that Jessica Hahn is friends with her. She said that they met bowling and they go bowling now. She said that Jessica is very vulnerable and fragile.
Howard asked Victoria if she said she would have a baby if she got raped and got pregnant. Victoria said she did and she would have the kid. Howard asked Victoria what she would do it one of her kids came to her and said they were gay. Victoria said that she would say she loves them and then she'd pray about it. Howard asked if she thinks the prayers would take away the gayness. Victoria said she knows a guy who has gay temptations but he doesn't act on it. Howard said that's sad. He said that it's too bad he can't enjoy that.
Howard said Victoria has had sex so why shouldn't the gay guy enjoy it. Victoria said she has sex the way god intended it. Howard asked if God set up that then who set up the gay thing. She said that's called sin.
Victoria was going on and on about Obama and abortion. Howard said there are a lot of unwanted babies in this world. Victoria said there are people who want those kids. Howard asked if she's going to adopt kids and take care of them if she's against abortions. Victoria said maybe she'll adopt some black children and get a movie career.
Howard said that pro-life people should step up and adopt these unwanted kids. Victoria said that she donates to charity all the time. She kept asking if they had to go to commercial. Howard told her not to worry about the commercials.
Howard asked Victoria if she had to hide her Christianity at SNL. Victoria said she was very professional and she didn't have to hide anything.
Howard said that movie ''Casual Sex'' was so good. Howard said that she was linked to Dice Clay during that. Victoria said that she had a crush on Weird Al but not Dice. She said Dice was married at the time. Howard said Al is very weird and in his own world. Victoria said that he stuck straws up his nose when they went out to dinner. Victoria said that she was married at the time. She said she was married and then got married again and there was only like a week in between. Victoria said that her first marriage lasted about 5 1/2 years.
Victoria said she's been living in Miami, Florida for 20 years now. She said she reconnected to her high school sweetheart and got married to him. Victoria said that she would like to live in Hollywood so she can be an actress. She said that her husband is a cop and he could do that job anywhere.
Howard asked Victoria if she asks any of her friends from SNL if she could do bit parts. Victoria said she did a low budget movie recently. Howard asked if it's a Christian movie. She said it's not. She said those movies never really do that well.
Howard said Victoria is a fascinating woman. Howard said he sees her on TV and he feels her views are very radical. Victoria said there are millions of people like her out there. They're just not on TV. Victoria said she thinks that TV is controlled by the left. Howard said FOX News isn't. Victoria said they still have Hannity right now.
Victoria said that she lost a lot of money in her divorce. She said that she started working as a stand up again when Kevin Nealon asked her to open for him. She said that he really helped her out. Victoria said her husband is a helicopter pilot. She said he doesn't make a lot of money doing that. Howard asked if he's ever shot anyone. She said he did once. She said that he had to shoot the guy because this guy was drunk and shooting this woman because he was upset that she didn't want to sleep with other women. Victoria said that she was doing a sketch on SNL at the time so she was dressed in this weird outfit with eyeballs on her nipples. She said she introduced him to the cast and Mike Myers asked if he had any war stories. He told Mike that he killed a man the night before. Victoria said she realized that their worlds were complete opposites.
Howard asked Victoria if anal is okay with her husband. She said it's probably wrong. Howard asked if a blow job is wrong. She asked Howard to use nicer words. Howard asked how old they are. Howard asked if licking the genitals is okay. Victoria asked if he had to go to commercial. Howard wrapped up and gave Victoria more plugs for her stuff.
Howard also talked about why he's going to vote for Obama and why he wants to keep rights for women. Howard said he wanted to talk to Victoria about doing that weight loss show. Victoria said she only did that for the money. She said she needed the money for her kids. Victoria said it was tacky and horrible and didn't want to bring it up. Robin asked if she would do a reality show. Victoria said that they turned down the show Wife Swap. Howard asked if she's one of those people who is against affirmative action. Victoria said that she doesn't think it's fair that her parents couldn't afford college but a kid born to crack addicted people gets their college paid for.
Howard asked Victoria if she stays in touch with her former cast members. She said that she was just on Dennis Miller's show recently. Howard said Dennis has gotten very conservative lately. Victoria also mentioned that Phil Hartman was on during the time when she was on SNL. She said that she went to visit Phil's kids when they were in the area. Howard asked who raised the kids. She said it was Phil's sister. Howard asked how old they were when she visited. She said they were like 7-8 at the time. She said they're probably in their 20s now. She said they were sweet and shy at the time.
Howard asked Victoria what her weakness is. She said that it's wine. Howard asked how much she drinks. Victoria said she didn't drink last night or the night before. She said she just needs to learn to be moderate with her drinking. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up a short time later. Victoria asked if she can get a picture with him for Facebook. Howard said of course she can. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that DL Hughley is there. DL came in and Howard asked him about flying on airplanes because he thinks that most white people think he's a singer and they'll ask him about who he is when he's in first class.
Howard asked DL if he heard the Victoria Jackson interview. DL said he did. Howard said he shares a lot of views with her, right. DL said that it's unfair to talk about her when she's not there. He said he did like how she said that the country was doing just fine until the black guy got into office. Howard said that he doesn't get that because he wants the country to do well no matter who is in office.
Gary told Howard that Victoria is still there if he wants to talk to her. Howard said he's not sure she wants to talk to him.
DL told Howard that this country is all about pro-life but the people who adopt will spend 30 grand to avoid adopting a black child. He said they'll go to other countries to adopt to get a white child.
Howard said DL has a nephew who just came out of the closet. Howard said that DL told him that he's glad that he's out of the closet but he's glad he's not his son.
Howard said DL has a son who ha Asperger's and he's not sure what that is. DL said it's the highest functioning version of autism. He said socially he's not up to par. DL said that they used to bring their son to a building that said it was for retarded and developmentally disabled people. He said that got him in that retarded group. DL said that he has always tried to prepare his son for that world he grew up in. He said it never bothered him that his son is like that though.
Howard asked DL if he felt he was responsible for this. DL said he has done a lot of things that could have led to it. He said he's never been ashamed of his son but he did feel that he could have been the reason for the Asperger's.
Howard asked if he is good at anything in particular. DL said his son is an expert at Krav Maga. Howard didn't even know what that was. DL said it's a form of fighting and he teaches it. Howard said he's a genius at martial arts. DL said he is. He said that he's the most unassuming guy too. He said that he doesn't get as much ass as he would like him to. He said he tried hiring a hooker but his wife put a stop to that. Howard asked if they call it Asperger's because of the lack of ass.
DL said last year his son came home and told him he got some. He said he went out with a 30 year old chick and she gave it to him. DL said that his son used 3 rubbers. He said he put the first one on wrong. DL said that his wife called and said that he should thank the woman for that. DL said giving a retarded guy some ass is a very good thing. DL said he's just glad he didn't have to go through what he went through as a kid.
Howard said that's something. He asked if he could get a job. DL said that his son is 22 and he has a job now. DL said that his son went to college and graduated. He said he went and gave a commencement speech. DL said that his son has never given him any problems. He said he was always a wonderful kid. He said he's exceeded all of his expectations.
DL said his son was with a white woman and he's never been with one himself. Howard asked if he ever wanted one. DL said that he has. Howard said that race is always in the room. DL said that it is kind of awkward. He said that he likes Latin women because they are like black people who can swim.
DL said that he made a documentary where they try to get the black man on the list of endangered species. He said they're trying to take each other out. He said that they're the only species that does that. He said you never saw a Tyrannosaurus doing a drive by on another Tyrannosaurus.
Howard asked DL about almost getting killed for wearing the wrong color shirt to school. DL said he wore a red shirt to school thinking that was okay but it turns out he was wrong. He said that he knew a kid who got beat up so bad he almost died. He said he tried to stop the beating but the other kids told him to shut the fuck up.
Howard asked DL if he's happy with his career. DL said he's never been happier with his career. He said that he does what he loves and he says what he means. Howard said Bill Maher has said he's great on his show. DL said he loves being on the show. He said that he likes that people speak to him louder because they think he won't understand. DL said that he was accused of voting for Obama because he was black but he would like to point out that he's voted for a lot more white guys for President than he has black guys. Howard said he thinks about how Martin Luther King would feel if he saw that Obama was president. Howard said the guy would drop dead. Howard said things really haven't changed for a black man in America though. DL said he remembers when Obama got elected and he got on the phone and cried with his dad. He said he had an old white guy crying right next to him but they were crying for different reasons.
Robin said the desire for change was so great that they could take anything other than the last President. DL said that anyone who believes that they could turn the country around in 3 years is out of their mind. He said that they also have a congress that has said they are going to make sure he fails. Howard said he was shocked in the debate where Ryan said that they were going to work in a bipartisan way if they get elected. Howard said they should be doing that now.
Howard asked who the comedian was that called DL up and called him the N-word. DL said he can't say. He said the guy wasn't saying it in a brotherly way though.
Howard said DL sold his home to Jesse Jackson's mistress. Howard said DL didn't know it at the time. DL said that he saw a check from the Rainbow Coalition to pay for the difference in price on the house and he figured it out. DL said that he met Jesse after that and he was complaining about the movie Barber Shop and the way they portray black people. He said that he felt like saying he knew he had this side piece on the side. DL said that he thinks that the side pieces make the world go round so he's okay with that. Howard asked if he has one. DL said he doesn't now. He said his wife has busted him before. Howard asked how he works that out. DL said that he has to say he's sorry. Howard asked DL how old he is. DL said he's 48. Howard told him to just wait until he's 58 and he's not jerking off. DL said he is so tired of hurting his wife's feelings and it gets so old. He said that you just hope that they don't hate you eventually.
DL said that women can go out and get dick no problem. He said finding someone to love you and stay with you is another story. Howard asked if his wife has cheated on him. DL said she has. He said that she told him who it was. He said it was just a guy he didn't know. DL said that she had so much guilt that she had to tell him who it was. Howard said that the woman tends to fall in love with the guy when they fuck. Howard asked DL if he fell for the woman he was with. DL said he has never loved another woman like he loves his wife. Howard said he would think it would be difficult. Howard said he has this wife and she's loyal and he doesn't want to hurt her. DL said he got in trouble years ago. He said he has been horrible. He said he had a chick who got pregnant and she had a boyfriend who killed the baby but it was DL's baby. He said that it was 20 years ago. DL said that he remembers the girl was trying to blackmail him a bit by telling his wife. DL said he told his wife and she told him that they could have gone through it together. He said he was on an airplane and when they got off the woman was there. He said his wife used to give the girl money. He said that he could never find another woman like that again.
Howard said DL was the warm up comedian for the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He got fired because the writers thought that he was too funny. He was doing material funnier than the show. DL said he got fired and then Wil called him up and hired him back. DL said that Wil has always been a good man to him.
DL said that the writers asked him to wrestle Wil. He said that it was his managers that were doing that. He said he wasn't into that though.
DL told Howard a story about these cops that had them pulled over once and they threatened to shoot them in the head if they took their hands off the hood of the police car. He said he was 9 at the time and his hands were so hot he was crying. He said he wondered if that was going to be the rest of his life.
DL told Howard about how he got pulled over as an adult with his son and the cop told him to sit on the curb. He said that he refused to sit down and the cop eventually let him stand there. DL said that he wasn't going to let his son see that happen. He said he can't believe the way they treat people in this world.
Howard said DL is a big defender of free speech and he'll stand up for Imus, Rush Limbaugh and Tracy Morgan. Howard said that's great. DL said that he's all for free speech and just because someone says something doesn't mean he has to like it but he does have to respect it. He said people get so upset over banning words and banning speech. He said this country isn't any better off for doing that.
Howard said that DL says in his book that he had to lie on his resume when he was coming up. DL said he wanted a job as a sales manager and he had a friend write a letter from the college so he'd have references. DL said he got the job. DL said that this guy gave him benefits for a year after he got sick and left his job and the guy got fired for doing that. Howard asked if he thinks that people should lie on their resume. DL said yes.
Howard asked if he ever got any famous pussy. DL said he did but he wasn't saying who. Howard asked if his wife knew. DL said she didn't know until just now. Howard asked if it's great to be with a really powerful woman. DL said it is. Howard asked if he had to hide while he was doing it. DL said he never had to hide it. Howard said it sounds like he was kind of flagrant about it. Robin said he got away with it too. DL said he did until now.
Howard asked DL if the other woman was married. DL said she was. Howard asked if he was afraid that he was going to get his ass kicked. DL said that he wasn't afraid of that. Howard asked if that's the guy who called him the N-word. DL said that was not him. Howard asked what he did to get called the N-Word by the comedian. DL said they were arguing about this deal and this guy called him a ''dumb nigger.''
DL told Howard that he hates Dennis Miller so much that he'd love to fight him. He said that he put it out there that he wanted to do that and Dennis asked his manager to tell him to back off. DL said that Dennis said that he stole some joke from him and he doesn't even understand half of the stuff he says. He went off on Dennis for a short time and said he really does hate the guy.
Howard said DL co-hosted with Kelly Ripa a few times. Howard asked if he thought that he was going to get the job. DL said he never thought he would get it. DL said he can't watch Michael Strahan smile without thinking about kicking a field goal. He said that he's actually glad that Michael got that job. He said he never did think he'd get it though.
Howard said DL's mother did a horrible thing to him. DL said she did give birth to him so he can't say anything about that. Howard said that DL's mother took his name and put it on her phone bill. He had credit problems for years. DL said that he didn't know about it. He said that he was 6 years old at the time. He said that they should have seen that on his credit report. DL said that his mother had him very young.
Howard said that DL's step-father got upset with him getting dissed on a sitcom and he told him to stand up for himself. Howard said he didn't know that it's a written show and he can't do that. Howard said it's amazing he grew up so normal.
DL said his mother said that she wanted to break his spirit and he was only 7 years old. He said he always knew he was strong though. He said he couldn't articulate it but he knew he was stronger than they were. DL said that his mother once set his father's bed on fire. He said after doing that they'd have to go to church and pretend that nothing happened.
DL told Howard that his sister got pregnant at 14 and he thought that Jesus would get mad at him if he sat too close to her and comforted her. DL said that it sunk in then that he can't believe that. DL said that these people who are so into religion believe in the weirdest bullshit.
Howard said that DL has met Mitt Romney a few times and he didn't like him. DL said he does look like he should be President but he is as vacant as he sounds. DL said when you go to England and they think he's arrogant, and they're the ones who invented arrogant, then you know the guy is arrogant.
DL said that America has a problem and Romney has done just fine economically so why would he want to change the system? DL said that people hate poor people in this country. He said he doesn't think that Romney is a very empathetic man.
Howard asked DL who he thinks these people are who haven't made up their minds yet about the election. DL said they're the people who will call in during a phone survey and just say ''I don't know.'' He said that it's a pretty clear thing. DL said that Gore and Bush were drastically different. He said Stacy Dash wants to vote for Romney and he respects her opinion but she called Romney very genuine and no one has ever said that about the guy.
Howard gave DL a plug for a Comedy Central show he's doing this month. DL said that's the special where they tried to get the black man on the endangered species list. The special is ''DL Hughley: The Endangered List'' and it's on Saturday, October 27. DL told Howard about some of the stuff they do in the show and he said he thinks they did it in a funny way. DL said that it took 8 years to pitch this show. He said that they got Jon Stewart and some other people from The Daily Show to write for the show.
Howard said he doesn't know how DL can walk around normal. He said he saw a woman get raped once. DL said that he was like 12, 13 or 14 at the time. He said that one of the guys said they were pulling a train on this girl and they said she was into it. DL said he got into the room and remembers the look on her face. He said she smelled like pennies and bleach. He said he pulled her out of the room and got her out of there. He said that maybe they knew they were wrong. DL said that he walked her home and her brother ran at him with a butcher knife. DL said that she almost didn't say anything until the last second. DL said that the brother asked who did it to her and he said he didn't know so he got beaten for that. DL said months later the same dude pulled up at the liquor store and the brother called him over and gave him 5 dollars.
Howard asked what the smell of pennies was. DL said that he didn't know. He said that he found out years later that semen smells like bleach but the penny smell wasn't something he ever figured out.
Howard asked if he ever got any STDs. DL said that he did get something from one girl but he isn't even sure what it was. He said they had a pedophile living in the neighborhood. He said they had more than one in the neighborhood too. DL said he had one guy come up to him asking him to suck his dick. He said he ran and told some dudes around the corner. DL said he showed the guys who it was and they almost beat that dude to death. Howard said it's almost like they had their own law there. DL said that guy never said anything to him again. Howard said it's amazing that he knew that sucking a guy's dick was wrong. DL said he didn't like dick at 7 and he knew to tell.
Howard said DL never fell for the candy trick either. DL said that he never did. Howard asked why he thinks Wil Smith wanted to wrestle him. DL said that he didn't want to wrestle him.
Howard said it's amazing that DL could never go to his parents about anything but he's the opposite with his own kids. DL said his dad didn't know how to be like that. DL said he was at a girl's house and this drunk guy came over and told him to get off his grass. DL said it was dead grass but he got off the grass. He said he went home and he was horrified but he didn't tell his father. He said some other kids told his father what happened and his father dragged him over to the guy and his father asked the guy if he pulled a gun on his son. DL said that his dad took the gun and pistol whipped the guy and told him ''Never this one'' while referring to him. DL said they just went home after that.
Howard gave DL some more plugs and gave him a plug for his book ''I Want You to Shut the F#ck Up: How the Audacity of Dopes Is Ruining America'' and took a phone call. The caller said that he loves the contest of the show today.
Howard said that the word is out to Dennis Miller about doing a boxing match with DL. Howard said that he's up for that. Howard gave DL some more plugs for his Comedy Central special and the book and then went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that he's retiring from the police force soon. He said he knows that Howard is a big supporter of the police. He said lately Howard has gone kind of soft. He said he was looking at a web site where they listed 500 politicians from the last 20 some years... Howard cut him off and asked what his problem is with him. The caller talked about how awful David Dickens was as a mayor and he doesn't see how Howard can line up with these kind of guys. Howard said he doesn't vote along party lines. The caller said he doesn't either. The caller, Anthony, asked how he can vote for these guys. Howard said he still appreciates police. He said he's still a supporter of the police.
Howard said that Mitt Romney was more liberal than Obama when he was governor of Massachusetts. Howard said that the guy isn't a bad man. He said he has done some good things but he's also done some horrible things. Howard said there are two guys to vote for, not ten, and he thinks that Obama is the right guy for him. Howard said that the thing that matters to him is the guy who is going to appoint two more Supreme Court justices. Howard said that he really has to get out of this. He said he's not sure what Anthony's point was.
Howard said it's time for news but this Hulk Hogan thing is still in the news. Howard said the big story is that Bubba is going to be sued by Hulk Hogan. Robin said they say that he's going to sue for $100 million but they don't say how much Bubba will be sued for. Howard said he's not sure Bubba has any money.
Howard said Bubba has said he would come on the show but he can't talk about his ex-wife. Howard said in court it's something different. Howard said he heard that Bubba was on his radio show this morning fighting back. Robin said she was reading that Bubba was saying that he is a victim. Howard said Bubba was going to call in. Gary told him that they have to wait until tomorrow morning for that. Gary said he was talking to Brent and saying that they can't do it today.
Gary said they did have some audio clips to play so Howard said he would get to that. Howard played some of the clips and Bubba was saying that he's not going to sit quiet while this guy tries to sue him for $100 million. One of the guys was saying that's how stupid Hogan is. They were talking about how Hogan used Bubba's airwaves for a decade to ''deliver his poison.'' Bubba talked about what a big headed dummy he really is. Bubba took some calls and one guy asked if he can get into how Hogan met his wife. Bubba said that Jennifer is a good person and it's not her fault. He said that they didn't meet at a health food store.
Howard said he thinks that Bubba is saying that he has something on Hogan. Howard played another clip of Bubba talking about what he did for Hogan with his ex-wife. Howard cut it off and said ''Uh oh...'' He played more of the audio and Bubba went off on Hogan for talking about his kids on the show and Howard said this is getting really personal. Howard said Bubba is upset that he's getting sued.
Howard said this is why friends should not let their friends fuck their wives. Howard played more of Bubba talking about Hogan and how someone has to be responsible for this thing. Bubba said that this is all denial and Hogan is saying that none of this is his fault. Howard said this is going crazy. Robin said this isn't recent feelings that they're hearing there. Robin said these are things that you can't come up with in a moment's time.
Bubba said that he and his ex-wife are going to sue Hogan. Howard said he didn't know this would bring Bubba and Heather back together.
Robin said that TMZ is saying that Bubba is saying that Hulk Hogan may have had something to do with the release of the tape. Howard played more of the audio of Bubba going off on Hogan about some of the stuff he's done in his career. Bubba said there's a story about Hogan and a gay Kennedy. Howard wondered what that's about. Howard said he's glad he didn't fuck his ex-wife. Howard said this is a mess. Bubba was telling people to Google the gay Kennedy story.
Howard said they have to get more info on this. Howard said he hopes Bubba is still fired up tomorrow morning. Howard played more of Bubba and he was playing tape of Hogan and going off on him. Howard said the boys just Googled ''gay Kennedy'' and found nothing. Howard said he was going to ask Siri to find something. Howard used his iPhone 5 and Siri said that she didn't know anything about Hulk Hogan and gay Kennedy. Howard did the search and it found some stuff about Mitt Romney. Benjy said he has one possibility. Howard said there's nothing there.
Howard said he could go on all morning with this. He played more of Bubba going on about Hogan. Howard said Bubba is really on fire. Howard said maybe they can have Bubba and Hulk as an under card fight in the DL Hughley vs. Dennis Miller fight. Howard said this is why he won't fuck anyone's wife.
Howard said tomorrow they'll hear from Bubba. He said he would like to testify for both gentlemen. Howard said he hopes they don't ask him to choose sides. He said he doesn't know what he'd do. Howard went into a live commercial read and then a break.
Howard said that Paul Shaffer was talking about leaving Letterman after the next 3 years. Howard said now Paul is saying that's not true. Howard said he should go talk to Jackie Martling about that. Howard said maybe Paul is thinking of punching up some scripts. Howard said now Paul is saying he'll stay with Dave until the bloody end.
Robin read a story about A-Rod flirting with women in the stands after striking out. Howard said the girl they showed was pretty hot. Robin said that A-Rod is adding to his conquests while the Yankees are flailing.
Robin said she finds it odd to see people in the paper that she knows. She said she saw Bubba's ex, Heather, in the paper and it was very odd.
Robin said that Oprah Winfrey is going to be doing a special on her OWN network next month. Howard said that network is still flailing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said that Bubba should call Howard because he owes Howard so much. Howard said Bubba said that he's going to call in tomorrow. Howard said he was out to dinner with a famous guy who loves the show but he hates when Mariann calls in. Howard said the guy says that she's very annoying. Mariann said she doesn't understand. Howard said he had to go and hung up on Mariann as she was about to say something.
Robin read that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will be hosting the Golden Globe awards this year. Howard said he likes those awards. Howard said they're more fun than the Oscars. Robin said they do drink during the show so they get a little lit.
Robin said that Hulk Hogan's lawyer has said that there will be trouble for anyone else who tries to promote this Hulk Hogan tape. Howard asked Robin if she now believes that Hogan is sincere about not having anything to do with the tape. Robin said no. Howard asked if she thinks that it's fabricated. Robin said they're getting a lot of publicity with it. Howard said he doesn't think those guys have the ability to mastermind something like this. Howard played a clip of the lawyer talking about this law suit. Robin said the suit hasn't been filed yet. It's just been announced.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he'll do if he's asked to testify. Howard said he knows nothing. He said Bubba said to him on the radio that he'd let him fuck his wife. Howard said he thought he was kidding around. The caller said Bubba is spouting stuff about Hulk's kids and that stuff is irrelevant. The caller said no guy lets his friend fuck his wife. Howard said he has to ask Bubba about that when he calls in.
Howard said he doesn't think this is a fabricated thing. Fred said he doesn't agree with Robin's assessment at all.
JD came in and said that he thinks after hearing today's show that everyone knew the tape was made. He said that Hulk lived in Bubba's house for four months so he knew the ins and outs. Howard asked JD if he ever slept with anyone's wife. JD said he didn't.
Howard said he heard that JD was a delivery boy for a while. JD said he did that while he was interning. He said that he had to go to his job after going to Scores one time. He said he smelled of perfume and had glitter all over him. Howard said he's amazed he never got mugged or raped. JD said that no one wants to rape him.
Gary said he has a source in Bubba's organization. He said that person said that everyone knew they were being taped. Gary said he heard that some people didn't know they were being taped and the person wrote back saying that ''almost everyone'' knew they were being taped.
Howard said that he won't stay at anyone's house. He said he will only stay in a hotel. Howard said he doesn't want someone releasing a Howard Stern masturbation tape.
Robin read a story about San Rafael banning smoking in homes. Robin said that the city is happy to be in the forefront of that. Howard said he's happy about that. He went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some more meningitis infections. Howard went into another live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about this 14 year old girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for promoting education for girls in Pakistan. Robin said they say she is stable right now. Robin said the girl's name is Malala Yousufzai.
Robin read a story about Hofstra University hosting the presidential debates tonight. Howard said he remembers when Obama and McCain were debating and his daughter was at Washington University. He said his daughter was an usher and he was so proud of her. Howard said she had to do work but she was part of the excitement.
Robin read about Arlen Specter's funeral and how they're expecting 1,500 people to show up. Robin said he'll be laid to rest today. Howard said he's not sure he'd care how many show up once he's dead. He said it only matters when you're alive. Howard said that he was watching an interview with Mark from Mark and Brian and he was talking about how awful it was when Howard Stern came to town. Howard said the guy was actually pretty nice when he was talking about them.
Robin read about this band Pussy Riot. Howard said he thinks he has some audio of their music. He looked it up and played the ''I'm a Pedophile'' song parody. He played another parody ''I Want to Stick it Up Your Butt'' and ''Protein Milkshake.'' Robin told Howard where the actual music was from Pussy Riot. Howard said that's no Gangnam Style. Robin said they've gotten into trouble in the Soviet Union for singing about Vladimir Putin. Robin said the lead singer says she doesn't feel much different when she's in jail or out of it because of the police state they're in. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Sean Lennon and how he's fighting against fracking. Robin had some of his music that she had Howard play. Robin said that they're urging governor Cuomo to not move too fast with the fracking thing. Howard said they're considering doing it in New York.
Robin had Howard play some audio of the Beatles. Robin said that is ''Love Me Do'' which was their first single. Robin said they will be reissuing it this month for the 50th anniversary. Robin said it'll be released as a 7 inch single.
Robin read a story about the upcoming Halloween and asked what Howard is going to be doing. Howard said he'll be hiding out at home. He said he doesn't like Halloween. He said it's like a license for people to go berserk. Howard said he hates the costumes and all of that. He said he never liked it. Howard said they do have pumpkins out but that's about it. Howard said they people dressed up in costumes are douche bags. Robin said that a lot of people include their animals in their plans. Howard said they tried to put Bianca in a pink dress but she didn't like it. He said the whole holiday is horrible.
Robin read about a study that was done that found that 35 percent of employees have seen other employees not wash their hands before leaving the bathroom. Howard said he knows a guy who shit all over the walls in the bathroom and left shit near the light switch.
Robin had Howard play some of Adele's music. Howard said he's sick of this song. He said it's a good song but he's really tired of it. Howard said he wishes that she would lose some weight too. He said she'd be nice looking if she did. Robin said that's not his business. Robin said that Adele's record company has had a huge year because of her music. Robin said the label made $67 million in 2011. Howard said that money would have been even bigger if people weren't downloading for free. Robin mentioned the name of the record company was XL so Howard said it should be Double XL.
Robin read about the hikers that were lost have been found after 3 days. Howard said it's absurd that people go hiking in a place they don't know. Robin said they have been found.
Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel had Honey Boo Boo on his show last night. Howard said he's never even seen that show. Robin had some audio of Jimmy talking to Honey Boo Boo about who she is supporting in the election. She said she's supporting Barak Obama. Howard said poor Jimmy had to talk to that little girl.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's really enjoying the show this week. He said the last time he called in he told Howard he was a big sell out. He said after this week he thinks the show is great. He said that he has stepped it up and outdone himself. Howard said he's going to stop him in his tracks now. He said he's such a cock sucker. Howard said Gilbert, Victoria and DL did a great job. Howard said Scott calls him once a week to tell him he's losing it. Howard said he's not sure what else he could do. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:25am.
Gary talked about the calls he made to Bubba's show to try and set up an interview. Gary said he spoke to the new producer, Hurricane, who is taking Brent's place since Brent is on the air. Gary said that Brent called him back later and told him that they were under pressure to get commercials in and to get off the air by 9:50. Gary said he didn't think that they'd get the same Bubba tomorrow that they had today.
Gary said he and Jon were talking about this in the office today. He said if they're all in on it then what is their end game? He said that they might claim to sue each other and they will make money off the tape and everyone wins. Gary said they'll never admit that they profited from it. He said that's the way it works.
Benjy said that Bubba was saying some pretty strong words against Hulk's son Nick and that would be a big thing for Hulk to agree to. Gary said he's not saying that this is what's going on but sometimes people will do crazy things to make money. Jon said that Hulk does this kind of thing for a living so it's not a hard thing for him to pull off. He said it's hard to say that they're on the level with this whole thing. Jon wanted to take a break after that.
Gary said that Victoria was talking to Howard after the interview and she said that Howard almost got her to talk about ''S-E-X'' and he said to her that they're all adults there so she can say the word.
Gary said that he didn't agree with her on some of the stuff she was talking about. Scott DePace said that he agrees with about 50 percent of the stuff she was talking about. Gary asked if he believes that Obama is a communist. Scott said he wouldn't say that.
Benjy said that the word ''communist'' used to be a bad word. Benjy asked if Gary has some socialist beliefs. Gary said he might. He said calling Obama a communist is doing in the meanest way they can.
Jon asked about what Victoria was saying about running her life based on the bible. Scott said the bible says things in it that some people pick and choose to follow.
Gary said that Jackie used to have a joke about praying to a green rock and saying that your green rock is better than someone else's.
Jon took a call from someone who said that he liked the Victoria Jackson interview because she stood up to the gay marriage thing. The guy said that over 50 percent of the country believes that it's wrong. He said that he agrees with Victoria and there are millions that don't want the definition changed.
Gary asked the caller where he gets that 50 percent number. The caller was gone already. Scott DePace said that as long as every right out there is equal and all they're fighting about is a name that's just not right. He said he doesn't want that name changed. He said he'd be willing to do it but he wants something in return.
Scott said it's not the same thing when two guys are together and when a man and a woman are married. Gary said things change over time. He said that a lot of things have changed. Scott said he doesn't want to change. Gary asked if there were a national referendum on gay marriage would he vote yes, no or not vote. Scott said it depends on what the whole thing means. Scott said two guys being married is not a marriage to him.
Gary said that they used to say that blacks were not human but they changed that. Scott said he feels that marriage is a religious thing that was meant for family structure. Benjy asked if it's even called marriage in legal documents. No one was sure.
Benjy said that he sees the point that it lends itself to discrimination. Scott said he would never look at it the same even if it was legal.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has to take issue with something they said about Victoria Jackson having a unique view. He said he doesn't think it's that unique at all. He said that marriage shouldn't even be governed by the government.
Scott said that if they do get to the point when gay marriage is legal then they're going to force it upon churches and he can't deal with that. He said that would be a slippery thing. Jon went to another break a short time later.
Tim said he loves being there and loves everyone there. Tim said he loves working with all of them and he gets shivers down his spine. He said that you just look at the way Jon has developed over the years. He said that everyone has become a professional broadcaster.
Jon asked Tim about him getting agitated with the weight discussion. Tim said he has gone up and down a lot. He said he deals with things in a different way. Tim said that it really hurts when someone says something to him like that. Gary said that he and Tim have had discussions about getting that stuff on the air. Gary said Tim says that he feels like he's been kicked in the stomach after Howard does that.
Tim said that you try to do your best and sometimes you just fall short. Jon asked if he thought that Victoria Jackson was all there. Tin said she's kind of extreme in some of her views. Gary said that she seems to think that everything is a conspiracy. He said not everything can be a conspiracy.
Scott said that he thinks that some of the connections Obama has were terrorists. He said he does have some questionable ties. Scott said he doesn't think that Obama is trying to hurt the economy like Rush Limbaugh is saying.
Jon said that DL Hughley came in and picked up right where she left off. Gary said he likes DL on the show and he forgot how much he likes him as a guest. Jon said he thought that DL was great but he wouldn't give up on who called him the N-word. Gary said that the guys in the office thought it was Spike Lee but DL said that's not who it was. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the busy show they had coming up. He said Al Roker will be stopping by to promote another cop reality show. Howard said he thinks Al has a thing for cops. He said he must want to be a cop like Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard said Bubba the Love Sponge is due to call in about the Hulk Hogan sex tape. Howard said Valerie Bertinelli is stopping by as well. He said he's looking forward to talking to her about her time on TV and her marriage and divorce from Eddie Van Halen.
Howard said that some are saying that Al Roker is trying to sabotage the success of the Today show. Howard said they'll find out more about that. Howard said they have general mayhem on the show today as well.
Howard said one of Gary's chores there at work is to go through the voice mail. He said Bobo is very depressed. He said he's not aware of this but he calls in every day and he hasn't picked up in 2 weeks and it's causing him a lot of pain. Howard said he doesn't get to the phones all the time and it's nothing personal. Howard said it's the same with Eric the Actor who goes into a tizzy when he doesn't get on the air. Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady will freak out over him picking up on all of these other people. He said that they all get upset.
Howard played some audio of Bobo's voice mail saying that he can't control this feeling and he goes to a really dark place when Howard doesn't pick up. He said he's not delusional but he has heard Howard using some of his questions. Bobo said he's gotten really bummed about people who get on multiple times a day and he doesn't get on. Bobo said that he gets upset and his wife notices his attitude when he comes home depressed. She knows why he's depressed when he gets home. Bobo said he needs to turn his life off when he goes home.
Howard said now his kid is coming home and he has to snap out of it. Howard asked what the fuck is wrong with him. In the voice mail Bobo said that he might have to go to a therapist and they might commit him somewhere. Bobo said he's in really bad shape. Howard said he might have to get Bobo on the phone and tell him he has to go get a life and keep him off the phone. Howard said he would love it if he got committed to a mental institution over him.
Gary said that he has to reset the phones again. He said they have Al Roker there too. Gary said they had a meeting over this with the highest person there. Howard said the highest person there is Mel. Howard asked if that's who it was. Gary said it was someone else. Howard said he has to go to Mel and tell him what's going on. Howard said that he has to go to the actual highest person.
Howard told Gary to go to that Malone guy if he has to. He said he's taking over the company so maybe he'll help. Howard said the only thing holding this company together is him and they have to work this stuff out. Howard said people say that it won't crumble if he leaves but we'll see about that. Howard said he's left companies and they've crumbled before. Howard said people laugh at him but they'll see. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Al came in so Howard asked if he's friendly with guys like Sam Champion over at NBC. Al said he is. Howard asked him about Sam coming out of the closet and getting married and pointed out that some of the NBC affiliates refused to air any of his gay marriage talk. They spent a minute on that.
Howard asked Al about the debates and how crazy things were getting with that. Al said his whole family got together to watch. Al said that his 14 year old was yelling at each candidate so it was great. Howard asked if people expect him to be an Obama supporter because he's black. Al said people don't really ask him about it. Howard said he saw recently that an actress came out for Romney and she got so much shit for it. Howard said that was Stacy Dash.
Howard asked Al about the bike riding. Al said he's been doing this on a regular basis for the past 6 months. He said he's most scared for pedestrians. He said he has had close calls with cabs but more with pedestrians. Howard said he heard that he rides about 2 1/2 miles to work. He said he must be sweaty and stinky when he gets to work. Al said he would put his suit in a garment bag during the hot days. He said on a day like today it's not a problem. Al said he's able to shower at work if he has to. Howard said he must have feet problems doing that. Al said he really doesn't.
Howard said Al is very much into these cop shows. Al said that this one is Coast Guard Florida. He said it's a spin off of Coast Guard Alaska. Howard said that Al seems to be consumed with this kind of lifestyle. Al said he started off with food shows. He said it just happened. He said he did a special on Meth and they did a show on that and that led to some other shows about law enforcement. He said the Coast Guard thing was mainly about the weather. He said the Coast Guard has 11 missions they have to do and Florida does 10 out of the 11. He said they're into the border patrol and search and rescue.
Howard asked Al if they trust him because he's Al Roker. Al said that's one reason. He said that this show is like the Coast Guard meets Miami Vice. Howard said he's hearing some strange sound. Al said maybe it's the phones trying to come back.
Howard said that he doesn't think he could get a show with the Coast Guard if he tried. Al said he might be able to. Howard said this new show airs on Wednesday nights on the Weather Channel.
Al said that the noise he hears might be his microphone. Howard said they got him new microphones and that might be the problem.
Howard said Matt Lauer keeps getting blamed for the ratings erosion on the Today show. Howard said that they're still big but both Al and Matt were there when it was really big. Howard said for some reason they're losing out to Good Morning America. Howard said Ann Curry was blamed and she got fired. Howard asked Al if he was upset about that. Al said he was. He said that she still works for the company so she wasn't really fired. He said they just moved her to a new position. Al said he's not sure why they handled it the way they did.
Howard said he works for NBC and now people think he has some kind of decision making power but he really doesn't. Al said that none of them have that power. He said Matt had nothing to do with Ann being moved. Al said they just report on this stuff and it repeats itself and by the end of it all Matt has killed someone.
Howard asked why Al isn't being blamed for the ratings loss. Al said they're coming back and they were number 1 for 17 years. He said that may never happen again. He said they made history with that.
Howard asked Al about the joke he made about throwing people under the bus there on the show. Al said he's made that joke many times over the past few years. He said it's a running joke on the show. Al said a web site picked up on that and said it was something he was doing to Matt but that's just not the case. He said they don't bother to call him to find out if that's what he was doing. Al said none of them on the show thought it was a put down. He said it didn't even dawn on them.
Howard said if he was NBC management and he had put so much money into the show then he'd say at the stockholder's meeting that Matt is their most valuable commodity. Howard said management runs and they leave talent out to dry. Al said sometimes they don't think it's going to be that bad.
Howard asked Al what he thinks is going on over there. He asked if it's the producers not coming up with enough innovation or good guests. Al said things change and you evolve. He said that they are showing what they are and he thinks that they have good chemistry over there. Al said no one wants to get their job like this but Savannah has been doing well. He said he thinks that as time goes on people will realize that. Al said he doesn't think the blame should be put on her or on Matt.
Howard asked Al if he has more pressure on him now. Al said they don't want to be number 2. He said they do want to be number 1. Howard said he knows Al is doing okay financially but he must have a blah feeling. Al said they want to take names and kick ass.
Howard asked what they can do differently. Al said he is doing something different. He said he's not wearing underwear. Howard asked Al if he could grow a huge afro or something. Al said he wouldn't wait until now to do that. Al said they are thinking of new things to do on the show. He said he's doing the weather differently. Howard told him to do different voices or something. Howard said he could be a shock weather man. Al said he could be like Waylon Flowers and Madam. Al said he has done some strange things on the show. He said he did a stare into the camera for 17 seconds once. He said he has a director in his ear challenging him to do things so he'll do them.
Howard said he read about Ann Romney being a host on Good Morning America so he asked Al if they think they should have done something like that. Al said they might think that once in a while. He said they have their own great ideas that they come up with there.
Howard asked Al if he's hurt when he comes up with ideas and they get shot down. Al said he doesn't get upset. Howard asked if it's hard to produce a show like this Coast Guard thing. Al said he has people who work for him who do that. He said when you watch the show it seems like a scripted show but it's not. He said they have great stories in the show. Al said they got some video of pot busts and cocaine busts and things like that. Al said it's amazing stuff.
Howard asked Al if he would be willing to take his shirt off for the Today show if they asked him to. Al said he might if it fit into the show. Howard said he's curious to see what's going on there. Al said he doesn't think anyone wants to see that. Howard said he thinks they do. Robin said she'd want to see it. Howard asked if he has loose skin. Al said he doesn't but he's not buff either. Howard said he lost a lot of weight very quickly and he's kept it off. Al said about 2 or 3 years he gained 40 pounds of his 140 back. He said he wasn't happy about that. Al said he's going to have a book coming out soon that will be about his weight loss journey. He said he's still training for a triathalon too. He said he hates swimming. Howard said he's a horrible swimmer. Al said swimming isn't as easy as running and bicycling. He said it's exhausting. Howard said he must not have the time to do it. Al said he would rather do a 100 mile bike ride. Howard said he must feel wimpy riding that fold up bike. Al said he likes it and he gets a lot of thumbs up.
Howard said to sum up Al has this show Coast Guard Florida on the Weather Channel. Howard said Al hasn't been asked to take a pay cut either. Howard said he might not be the highest paid guy over there but no one is looking to cut him from the show. Howard said he's in a cush position. Howard asked if he laughs at a guy like Paul Shaffer who says he might leave Letterman. Al said that he has the best job and he'd have to be nuts to leave the show. Howard said Paul is like the highest paid piano player in the world after Billy Joel and Elton John. Al said that Willard Scott told him that you don't get off the gravy train until they drag you off.
Howard said he remembers the big anchor men who are no longer big time. Howard said Ernie Anastos is hanging in there but there are so many others that have gone away. Howard said they would kill to be in Al's position. Al said he has been at NBC since Howard was at NBC. Howard said Al might be the most talented guy in show business. Al said he is so blessed that he has this gig. Howard said he bets he doesn't even give a shit about the weather. Al said he actually loves it. He said it's different every day and people want to hear about it.
Al told Howard and Robin about how he got into the weather. He said that he was told not to do TV when he was in school. He said he did a tape for a weather channel in Syracuse. He said he got the job. Howard asked what a cumulus cloud is. Al said it's a thunder cloud. Howard said he didn't think he'd even know.
Howard said the best weather guy story was this guy who lied about being a doctor. That led to the guys talking about other weather guys who have been in the area. They talked about Lloyd Lindsay Young and his wacky delivery. Al said he loved that guy. He said he wasn't hurting anyone with that act.
Howard said he never thought he'd be doing what he's doing. He said that if someone told him as a kid what he'd be doing he wouldn't have believed it.
Howard gave Al some more plugs for his Coast Guard Florida show. Howard said that you think that the Coast Guard doesn't do anything but they really do. Al said that they have one of the biggest jobs domestically. He said they do it all.
Al said the Coast Guard goes out and rescues people like those guys on The Deadliest Catch when they get stuck. Howard said he's against them saving people who need that kind of rescue. Robin asked about Dominic Barbara getting caught out on his boat. Al said that they could leave him out there. Fred threw in Dominic's ''Mayday, mayday'' as they were talking about that.
Howard asked if Katie Couric should have stayed at that job. Al said he thinks that she should have. He said that you stay on that train like Willard told him to. Al said that Willard is still with the show. He said he's in that Joe Biden school. Howard asked about Joe's teeth and if they look too fake. Al said he went for the whitest teeth he could find and that's fine.
Howard gave Al some more plugs and Al asked if he's coming back to America's Got Talent. Howard said he's thinking about it. He said he has to see what's happening. Howard said he's trying to figure out the scheduling. He said they could do one less city. Al asked if he'd be in. Howard said he might be. He said they have to get to work on that. Howard said he does feel that he is America's judge.
Al asked what's going on with Sharon. Howard said he thinks she's out. Howard said Sharon had an argument with NBC and she got her dander up. He said NBC felt attacked over the argument and he thinks that it got out of control. Howard said every signal he's gotten from Sharon and NBC makes it seem that she's not coming back. Howard said NBC has been fantastic to him. He said he likes the whole management team. Howard said he was hoping that Sharon could work it out but he thinks that she's gone. Howard said he blames Matt Lauer for that. Al said Howard has brought it full circle and that's why he's Howard Stern. Howard said that Matt really isn't to blame. Al said that he and Matt get together once in a while. Howard said he has seen Al at Matt's house. Howard said he can't figure out that relationship. Al said they're fine. Howard asked if he follows him on Twitter. Al said Matt doesn't really tweet. Al said he does it though.
Howard saw that Al had an iPhone 5. Al said he likes to talk into the phone to send texts and stuff. Howard said that he watches shows on his iPad. Al said he has all of that stuff on his iPad. He said he's watching Homeland and Revolution. Howard said that the guy on Homeland is always getting caught by his daughter doing stuff. Al told him to shush because he's just finishing the first season. Howard said he really didn't spoil anything.
Howard said he wanted to ask Siri who Al Roker is. Al asked his phone and Siri found some information on him. Howard had him ask Siri if Matt was to blame. Al said he really has to go because he has a show to do. Howard let him off the hook and gave him some more plugs. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Bubba said that they have a little diddy about this whole thing. He played a song parody about Hulk Hogan and the sex tape. it was ''Hogan's In Your Bedroom.''
Howard said that he doesn't understand this whole thing. He said he thought that Bubba was kidding about his wife sleeping with his friends. Bubba said he never thought that Howard would take him up on that offer. Bubba said that he was just joking and it was an ongoing joke. He said even Howard had a whole monologue about the whole thing. Howard said he can't believe he would want to share his wife with another guy. Howard asked what went on with Bubba because his scene seems very dark. Bubba said it's really not. He said he's more conservative than he thinks. Bubba said he can't get into the whole thing about his ex-wife. He said he was kind of insecure himself.
Howard said that you can't let your best friend sleep with your wife. Bubba said that none of this makes sense. He said it wasn't a secret or anything and he was trying to help Hogan who was going through his divorce at the time.
Howard said this isn't the Bubba he knows. Bubba said that the whole thing is very deep and it's not right in any capacity. He said he's not happy or proud of this. Howard said he has known Bubba for a long time now. Howard said after Hogan walks out of the bedroom is it business as usual or awkward. Bubba said that it was both. He said he can't get into the ins and outs of the whole thing.
Howard asked Bubba why he was so negative toward Hogan yesterday. Bubba said the reason he's mad at Hogan is because all of the parties knew about everything. Bubba said that they all knew what they were doing. Howard said that's what did in Nixon with the tapes. Howard asked if Hogan knew he was being taped. Bubba said that Hogan lived with him for 3 months so he knew what was going on there.
Bubba said that he's been there for Hogan for six years and he has stuck up for him a lot. Bubba said that he stuck up for Hogan about his son and what he went through. Bubba said that Hogan was blaming the other kid in the accident. He had some audio of Hogan talking about that. Howard said that Bubba was there defending him though. Robin said he can't change his mind like that. Bubba said that he can when he was there for the guy and defending him and then he turns on him. Bubba said that he'd expect that Hogan wouldn't name him in a lawsuit after he defended him. Bubba said the real thing is that they need to find out who leaked it. Bubba said that he'd like to help him or maybe Hogan could help him figure out who did leak it.
Bubba said he has never seen the tape. He said he doesn't know who holds it. Bubba said that he's been served a cease and desist on talking about this whole thing. Bubba said that he finds that odd after everything they've done together. Bubba said that he's just recanting things that they've been through and now he's got a Cease and Desist.
Bubba said he and Hogan have talked and he talked to him before he went on Howard's show. Bubba said that Hogan has switched gears and all bets are off and all friendships are off. He said Hogan is just covering his own ass. Bubba said he won't sit back and take it.
Howard said that he's thinking that Hogan thinks that he has the tapes since they were from his house. Howard said he can see why he would think that they were leaked from there. Bubba said that Hogan has turned on him and at the end of the day the real victim is Heather. Howard said she does come off looking bad in this whole thing. Bubba said they're saying there are more tapes of them but he doesn't think there are. He said he thinks that they were cut up and made into multiple tapes.
Howard said that there is an article on Philly.com that says there are more tapes of Heather with other celebrities. Howard said Heather is the one getting hurt. Bubba said he doesn't know of any other situations that she was involved with. He said he hasn't been in contact with her at all about this though.
Howard said that they say that there are clips of someone using the N-word in the house but they don't say it's Bubba. Bubba said it's not him.
Bubba said that he's never even seen this tape that's out now. He said that they all knew what was going on in that house that day. Bubba said he's being made to look like a stupid ass chump in this whole thing. Bubba said that he would have edited himself out to make himself look less stupid. Bubba said they say that he said something at the end of the tape about how they could save the tape for a rainy day when they need the money. Bubba said that he wouldn't leave that in the tape if he was going to release it.
Howard asked Bubba if he ever watched the tapes. Bubba said he doesn't know the logistics of who got into what to release them. Howard asked if he thinks that Hogan could have done it himself. Bubba said he doesn't want to speculate. Howard said that Hogan seems to be very upset about the whole thing. Bubba said that Hogan is just trying to protect himself.
Gary said that in the tape they were talking about how they could retire if they sold that tape. Bubba said that if he put that tape out he would have cut that out so he wouldn't look stupid. Howard said he wants to have Bubba and Hogan in there to take a lie detector test. Bubba said he'd be willing to do that. Bubba said he thinks that some people are in this to protect themselves and they should be working together to figure out what's going on. Bubba said he can't be part of this legal thing after doing all of Hogan's dirty work over the past 6 years.
Robin asked why they haven't hired a private detective to figure this out. Bubba said he's trying to protect his family and one of these people is only trying to protect himself.
Howard said Bubba is hurt because Hogan doesn't believe that he wasn't really part of this. Bubba said he thinks that Hogan's P.R. machine is part of that. He said that this David Houston guy is churning Hogan and getting him worked up. Howard said that this is going to cost Bubba a lot of money because he has to lawyer up now. Bubba said that if Hogan had just shut up about this and tried to figure out what happened they could have kept it quiet. He said that Hogan is the one making it worse.
Bubba said that Hogan is known for acting like this. He had some examples of what he had done in the past and said that his friends had warned him about this. He said Hogan is a friend and he put up with it over the years. Howard said he thinks that he's going to reach out to Hogan and Bubba and he thinks that he could get Hogan to drop the lawsuit. Robin said that Hogan claims he didn't know he was being taped. Howard said everyone he knows knew that they were being taped at Bubba's house. Howard said that's why he never wanted to go to Bubba's house. Howard said he was afraid there would be a Howard Stern masturbation tape. Bubba said that would never happen.
Gary said that he was reading about what was going on with the tapes and they're saying there are multiple tapes and Bubba has brought them into work to show people. Bubba said that's just not true. Bubba said that RadardOnline.com will print anything that people tell them. Bubba said he never even saw this tape himself. He said he has never seen it and if he had then he would have cut himself out so he wouldn't look like a dumb ass laughing stock. Howard said he thinks that Bubba would have shown it to him because he knows that he would have been tickled pink.
Gary asked if there are any other tapes. Bubba said he thinks that someone has taken this tape and they've cut it up. That's his only speculation on this. Howard said Bubba doesn't know any other celebrities.
Howard said Bubba's wife was very hot and he doesn't get the whole thing with sharing her. Bubba said he has no explanation for that. Bubba said he might be able to do that privately but he can't throw that out there. Howard asked if he's able to perform sexually. Bubba said he can. Robin said he has that ''rattler'' so of course he can.
Howard asked Bubba about his ex-wife and what went on there sexually. Bubba said he really can't talk about that stuff. He said he can't get into that like Howard can't get into it about his ex-wife. Howard said he's talking about Bubba though. He said he's not talking about Heather.
Bubba said that this isn't fair that he and Heather have to take all of the responsibility for something that all three of them knew about. He said that they all knew what they were doing. He said this lawsuit thing was a blind side to him. He said he didn't do anything wrong so he's not nervous about this. Howard said no one likes litigation though. He said he must be upset about that.
Bubba said that he has a child and he's embarrassed by that. He said for a week and a half he sat there and got called names for doing this thing that he didn't do.
Howard asked if Bubba is upset about blasting Hogan's son and daughter. Bubba said that all bets are off at this point. He said he had Hogan's back for all those years and he delivered all of those messages of hate for him and then he sues him. Bubba said that he told Hogan that this will all go away and he asked him to take him and Heather out of his lawsuit. Bubba said he texted him that and Hogan told him that he can't do that. Bubba said that he thinks that there might be other tapes that make him look bad. He said he really doesn't know if there are more tapes from his home because he hasn't seen what these people are saying they have.
Howard asked Brent what he thinks. Brent said he thinks that Hogan is a scumbag. Bubba said that Hogan screwed Brent out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Brent told Howard about this lawsuit he helped Hogan with and Hogan told Brent that he'd give him 10 points. When the suit was settled Brent didn't get anything.
Howard said he thinks that Bubba is up to this stuff more than they know. Bubba said he can talk to Howard privately about where he was at mentally at that point. Howard said there is no place that he'd want his wife making love to anyone else. Howard said he would be too jealous. Howard said Brent has said he loved his wife being with other men. Howard said maybe Bubba got caught up in that.
Bubba said he is not a rat or a flip flopper. He said he didn't break the man code. He was trying to help out a friend in and overly friendly way. He said there were no secrets. He said if someone would just shut up about this thing it would go away. He said the guy had to push it and file a law suit. He said he should be concentrating on where Gawker got the tape from. Bubba said this is a bitch fight and Hogan isn't the only victim here. He said that there's a woman who is a mom and a public figure that's a father and they were doing a private thing that got out.
Howard asked Bubba if he talked to his wife about the sex thing. Bubba said he never saw the tape and he never talked to her about it. Howard asked what he was doing while she was doing Hogan. Bubba said he was probably ordering race car parts or something on the computer. Howard thought he was joking but Bubba said he's serious.
Howard said Bubba has to come in there and he's going to pump him with truth serum. Howard said he wants to know what's going on there. Howard said he thinks if he gets Hogan and Bubba in there they'll be able to settle this. Robin said she thinks Howard is out of his mind. She said that they may never see Hogan in there again. Bubba said he's not afraid of anything and he's willing to talk about anything. Bubba said that he would appear there with Hulk Hogan and he's not afraid of that. Howard said he wants to get them out of this lawsuit. Howard said he thinks he can end this suit. Brent said that would be great. Bubba said that Hogan is sending him Cease and Desist messages telling him he can't even talk about this.
Bubba told Howard that if Hogan had shut up after he was on Howard's show this all would have gone away. He said Hogan went out and kept talking about it and that made it worse. Howard said maybe he wants to stop the tape from coming out and maybe he's ashamed. Howard said to get people to shake in their boots he's showing that he will litigate. Bubba said that he's throwing his friend to the wolves though. Howard said Bubba has always been vocal about the taping in his house and you know you're being exposed when you're being taped.
Howard asked if Hogan ever asked him to get rid of the tape. Bubba said no one even ever saw that tape. Howard asked if the tape erases after a certain amount of time. Bubba said he doesn't know because his equipment has changed over the years. Howard said someone must have gotten in there and taken it right off. Bubba said he has never seen the tape. Howard said maybe there were more people in on knowing about the tape if there were people who could see the security system.
Howard was trying to figure out who could have released the tape. Bubba said he's never seen it but if he could then maybe he could figure it out. He said that Hogan has made a living about hyping things up over the years and that would be crazy to do. He said he wouldn't want that as his worst nightmare.
Bubba said he has a DJ suing him there in Tampa too. Howard said he didn't know that was still going on. Bubba's sister, Tara, was there so Howard asked what she thinks about this. Tara said that she's equally embarrassed and ashamed. Howard asked Tara if she put the tape out. She said she had no idea it existed. She said that her brother never told her anything about it.
Howard said Bubba is a freak and he's really into a crazy scene. Howard said he's sorry he's hurting and he knows that he adored that guy. Bubba said that he was a good friend and he double crossed him. Bubba said he's going to come out and defend himself. He said he didn't break man code and he didn't set this up to destroy him. He said he took care of the guy for years and he's not going to let him do this to him. He said that the Love Sponge name has been tainted now. Bubba said that he may just go by Bubba Clem from now on. Bubba said that he's been told he can't even talk about this stuff anymore. Howard said he has to get the two of them in the studio to talk about this.
Bubba told Howard he has never lied to Howard. He knows that Hogan has lied to Howard because he claimed that he never had sex with Heather when he was asked that on the air.
Howard asked Bubba if he had taken him up on his offer to sleep with Heather would he have been taped. Bubba said no. Howard said he's so happy he didn't stay at his house. Bubba said he's glad he didn't stay there too. Bubba said that most of his rooms aren't taped. He said his bathrooms and guest rooms are not taped.
Bubba asked Fred what he thinks about this. Fred said there were only two people in Bubba's corner from the start and it was only him and Howard. Robin said that she was on Bubba's side too. Bubba said he knows that Robin is never on his side. He said that he's heard snide comments from her over the years. Robin said she talks about other people like that too. Bubba said that he has the biggest crush on Howard... He meant to say Robin.
Howard said he's going to come over and have sex with Bubba and they're going to release that tape. Howard said you have to be careful when you wife swap. Howard asked if he's going to be alright. Bubba said that he's been on the verge of breaking down a few times. He said his sister will testify to that. He said he had to have her come over and comfort him. Bubba said he's been to see a therapist. Howard asked if he's feeling suicidal. Bubba said he's not because he didn't do anything wrong. Bubba said that his show is therapeutic and he doesn't have to sit there and take it. He said he wasn't going to say anything until Hogan filed the lawsuit on him. Bubba said he gets why he has to do some of this stuff but not a $100 million lawsuit. He said he has to come out with guns a blazin' when that happens.
Howard asked Bubba if he would consent to the release of the tape if he was going to get a big pay day. Bubba said no way. He said Heather is the one who needs to be taken care of. He said she's a mom and she didn't sign up for any of this stuff. Bubba said that she's moved on and he's moved on now too. He said heather is a great mom and they have to think about what she's going through. Bubba said that his attorneys have reached out to her's. He said that he doesn't see that they'd ever get back together though. Howard said he can't imagine that with his ex-wife. Bubba said he thinks that they can be friendly toward one another.
Howard said he hasn't called Bubba because he didn't want to seem like he was prying. Howard said he sent him a note saying that he hopes that he's okay. Bubba said he wrote back that his only thing is that he hasn't lost his and Beth's friendship. Howard said he won't dump him but he can't say that about Beth.
Howard said that Beth wants to be with Iron Sheik so he's wondering if he should do it. Bubba said he can do that but just don't tape it. Howard said he'd have to tape it.
Bubba asked Howard to get him back on his channel. Howard said he wants him back. Bubba said they're willing to work almost for free. Bubba said that he needs some more bread. Howard said he can come back if he continues to release tapes every week. Howard said he thinks that Bubba and Heather would end up back together before that would happen. Bubba said they could roll them back into afternoon drive. Howard said he knows that no one is listening to him there.
Bubba asked if he's going to sign back up for AGT next season. Howard said he's thinking about it. He said that he's in talks and he's thinking about it. He said he has to decide in the next week or two. Howard said NBC is being very patient with him. Howard said he's old and he has to work his schedule out. Howard said that's the hang up right now. Bubba said that Howard seems so happy doing that job. He said that the early morning radio thing sucks and the TV thing seems to be good for Howard.
Howard said he loves Bubba and his crew and he hopes that he can bring him and Hogan together to figure this whole thing out. Bubba said he knows Howard just wants a good show. Howard said if that's what he thinks then he won't do it. Howard said he thinks that he get Hogan to release Bubba from the lawsuit. Brent said that would be amazing. Howard told Bubba to just relax and they'll see what happens.
Howard asked Bubba to please get better cameras in his house. Bubba said if he was going to release a tape for real he would have better cameras. Howard said he should do it in color next time. Bubba said he'll have fluff girls and all of that next time. Bubba said he'll make sure he cuts himself out of it next time.
Howard said he would like to bring Bubba and Hogan into the room and that's it. He doesn't want anyone else in there. Howard said that he will get Hogan and Bubba together and they'll work things out. He said he thinks that they could do that. Bubba said that maybe Hogan will ride the Sybian. Howard let Bubba and the guys go a short time later.
Robin said it's so much fun to talk to them. She said it's too bad it's for such a horrible situation. Howard said that those are their hillbilly cousins. Howard said everyone has those cousins and you usually try to keep them quiet. Howard said they love talking to them though.
Howard said that was an exclusive because Bubba isn't talking to any other media outlets. Howard said they have Valerie Bertinelli coming in next. He went to break after that.
Howard said when Valerie married Eddie Van Halen he was worried for her. He said he was afraid that she'd go down a dark road. Valerie said she did go down that road. It wasn't as bad as a Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown kind of thing though.
Howard asked Valerie if she liked bad boys. She said she didn't think Ed was a bad boy. Howard said Eddie seems like a hard guy to get along with. Valerie said he's really not. Howard asked if she was treated like a queen. She said she is now. Howard said back with Eddie it must have been more about him. Valerie said that they were in their 20s at the time so they were both delusional about their egos. She said that she has gone to therapy and she has gotten through that.
Howard asked if she was a fan of the David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar years. Valerie said this is where she gets in trouble. She said it's like saying you're a democrat or republican. Howard asked who she's voting for. She said she's voting for Obama.
Howard asked Valerie why Eddie can't get along with Sammy or David Lee Roth. She said that it takes two to make a relationship. She said it's not his fault all the time. Valerie said that you have to take responsibility for yourself but there were other egos involved too. Howard said he felt that David was the difficult one. Valerie said he's the very smart one and it might be too smart. She said she doesn't know Dave that well and she really didn't see him that much. She said she only saw him once on their last tour.
Howard said that the magic went away with David and then Sammy. Howard said he got the feeling it was Eddie that broke things up. Valerie said he didn't think that was the case.
Howard asked Valerie if anyone was worried about the direction Eddie was going in. Valerie said no one really did but then she said that some did. Howard said Eddie is a good looking guy and rock stars are infamous for cheating. Howard asked if there was cheating going on. Valerie said yes. She said that you can be in denial for a long time. She said that she wasn't innocent either though. Valerie said that both of them were so young. She said you feel so bad when you cheat and she would never do that again.
Howard said it would have been fun to date a few guys. Valerie said that she only saw one other guy before she met her husband. Howard said it must have been lonely for her. She said it was. Valerie asked if they have to talk about what a shitty person she was. She said it's different now. She said she learned from all of those mistakes. She said she hates being reminded of what she did.
Howard asked if Valerie is upset that her son is out on tour with Van Halen. She said that he's actually out on tour with another band in Europe. She said that bass isn't even his best instrument. She said that people were upset that he replaced Michael Anthony in the band until they saw him play.
Howard asked Valerie if it's true that Eddie made love to almost all of her friends. She said that's not true. Howard said he hates to break the news to her but it is true. Valerie said just because he says it's true doesn't make it true.
Howard asked Valerie where she grew up. She said she grew up in Delaware and she started modeling at 12. Howard said she was a young, naive girl, and she got the job on ''One Day at a Time.'' She was only 15 at the time. Valerie said she had really great parents and they moved to Los Angeles before the audition. She said that she hated it for a while because she was rejected so much in the beginning. Howard asked if she was a virgin when she got that job. Valerie said she was. Howard said that there must have been a lot of vampires who wanted to take her virginity. She said her mother was there on the set every day.
Howard asked Valerie about the guys she dated and Valerie said she just wants to talk about ''Hot in Cleveland.'' Howard said they're doing the fourth season now. Valerie said that the woman who created the show has a crush on Beth. She named one of the characters Beth because of that. Howard said he'll have to tell his wife that. Valerie said that the creator has a girl crush on Beth. Valerie said she thinks she has that on Pink.
Howard said that Betty White is on that show and she's 90 now. Howard asked if they have a contingency plan for when she goes. Valerie told him to shut up. Howard said that she's 90 so it could happen. Valerie said Betty is amazing. She said she's not even going to think about that. Howard said it could happen tomorrow. Valerie said it could happen to her too. She said she could walk out and get hit by a bus.
Howard asked if Valerie is wealthy. Valerie said she does fine. She said she didn't take any alimony from Eddie when she left. She said that they had a pre-nup. Howard asked who has more money, her or Eddie. Valerie said she'd imagine Eddie would.
Howard said that Valerie went out with Steven Spielberg when she was only 19 years old. Valerie asked what time it is and sounded like she wanted out.
Howard asked Valerie why she let herself get fat. Valerie said you can ignore it when you're depressed. She said that it could have been the drinking. Howard asked if she was an alcoholic. She said she never said she was an alcoholic. Howard said she was on coke for a while and she got down to 98 pounds at one point. Valerie said she doesn't know how much they were doing back then. She said they would do coke and play Uno or Yatzhee. Howard asked if she ever had a threesome. Valerie said no. She said she has kissed another girl but that's it. She said she didn't even do it in front of Eddie.
Valerie said she was wondering what her publicist is doing right now. She said she must be freaking out. Howard said doing coke is pretty wild. Valerie said everyone was doing it back in the 80s.
Howard asked if Valerie ever saw David Lee Roth with a woman. She said he came to their wedding with a woman. Howard asked if she ever thought about David and if he was straight. She said they never talked about that. She said she and Ed didn't do a lot of talking. Howard said he guesses not. She said he would play guitar all the time. She said she was jealous of that guitar. Howard asked if she ever threw it out there that she could have been with Steven Spielberg. She said she should have.
Howard asked if Valerie ever did coke with Mackenzie Phillips. Valerie said she did. She said she never got addicted to it. She said she was able to stop. Valerie said she was using it to not eat food that she was addicted to. Howard asked if she's had a sad life or a happy life. Valerie said she's had a happy life and she's very blessed.
Howard asked if Valerie fell in love at 15. She said she did. She said she fell for a boy, Scott Colomby, who was in Caddyshack. She said that she is 52 now so she doesn't remember what that was like. Howard asked if she had a good experience when she lost her virginity. She said it wasn't good. She said it was in the back of a pick up truck. Howard asked who is bigger penis wise, Eddie or Steven Spielberg. Valerie said she hasn't seen Eddie's penis in over 20 years. Howard said not too many people can say they saw Spielberg's penis. Valerie said she hasn't seen that in a really long time. Howard said he heard it's like E.T.'s finger. Valerie just laughed. Howard said they should do coke and have sex. Valerie said no.
Valerie asked if Howard remembers the first time they met. Valerie said that they met back stage at the Emmy awards and she thought he was so cute. She said it must have been the late 80s. Howard said he used to go around making a complete spectacle of himself. Valerie said that he was asking her some really wacky questions and she fell in love with him right then. Howard said he felt so bad going out and asking those questions. He said it was something he had to do. He said he took a lot of crap for it. He said the journalists would yell at him. He said a guy from ABC got a hold of him and berated him in front of the press. He said he's really a shy guy and he would sacrifice his dignity to do that. Valerie said that she thought he was funny. She said he looked like a wild rock star back then.
Valerie said that she's with a new guy now and things are great. Howard said he read that she's a nudist of some sort. Valerie said she does like to walk around the house naked. Howard asked if the husband likes that. Valerie said the husband is great about that no matter what size she is.
Howard asked if her husband is there. Valerie said he is. Howard had the guys bring him in. His name is Tom. Howard asked what he does for a living. Tom said he has been in the investment business for 20 years. Howard asked if he was intimidated by the Eddie thing. Tom said he wasn't. He said he stalked her for like 30 years. Valerie said he plays drums so she loves that. She said that Wolf plays drums too so they play on the same set.
Howard said he heard that Tom saw Valerie with Eddie and he turned to her and said that he would walk away if she wanted to get back with him. Tom said that Ed actually said ''F-no'' when he heard that.
Howard asked if Valerie was heavy when he met her. Tom said she was 40 pounds heavier. Howard said that she must have been suspicious of him at first. Valerie said she was. She said she wanted to kiss him but he wouldn't kiss her. Howard asked why he waited. Tom said it just wasn't the right time. Howard asked when the right time is. Howard said he was ready to kiss her right now.
Howard asked Valerie if she has stopped menstruating. Valerie said she thinks she has. Howard said that's hard to believe. He said when he thinks of her he thinks of her having her period. Valerie said he does not. Howard asked if she can still get lubricated. Valerie just laughed. Tom said everything works. Robin said when you're in love everything just works.
Howard asked Tom if he ever masturbated to Valerie. Tom said he doesn't think he ever did. Howard said he did and so did Gary. Gary said he really did and she used to wear that really cute outfit.
Howard asked Valerie if she had any good friends who were always there for her. Valerie said that she has some very good friends. Howard asked if she has famous friends. She said that Faith Ford is a very good friend. Howard asked if she's really a celebrity. Valerie said that's not very nice.
Howard asked if Valerie was in love with Steven Spielberg. She said she wasn't. Valerie said that they had a mutual break up. She said that he once said that their relationship was ''south of serious.'' She said she's not really sure what that means. Howard asked if Valerie was with Steven when he was doing a big movie. She said he was doing some Close Encounters stuff at the time. She said that she only went out with him for a couple of months. She said the thing she remembers most is the parrot he had in his kitchen.
Howard asked Valerie about liking Sammy or David. She said that she liked both of them. Howard asked her about the cancer Eddie had. Valerie said that he quit smoking and now he uses those fake ones. Howard said they're even worse. He said they have a big poison symbol on the stuff you use in them.
Howard said that Christina Aguilera was very rude to Valerie. He said that she went up and said hi to her and she was very rude. Valerie said that she has learned to stop doing that after that experience. She said she went up to her as a fan and she was at a Van Halen concert. Valerie said that she went up as a fan and told her that her songs are beautiful and her voice is spectacular. She said that her husband was very sweet and kind but Christina was rolling her eyes at her and being very mean. She said that she felt that she was being dissed. Valerie said that she tries to be nice to anyone who comes up to her. She said that she was expecting her to be nice to her as a fan and as a human being. She said she could have been nice back.
Howard said he bets she meets a lot of assholes. Valerie said she really doesn't. She said that people would think Howard would be an ass but he's really not. Howard laughed. Valerie said that the Christina thing was very weird.
Howard said that he talked to Chris Martin about his marriage and he said they just make it work. Howard said it must be like Valerie and Eddie. Valerie said that absence can make the heart grow fonder. Howard said he has found that it makes his heart grow colder. He said he hates when Beth is away.
Howard asked Valerie about this book of her's. Howard was about to get into it when he asked Tom if he knows what Valerie is wroth. Tom said he thinks he does. He didn't say how much it was. Valerie said that she didn't take anything from Ed. She said she didn't earn that money. She said that was Eddie's money. Valerie said that she has good people taking care of her money and investing it for her. She said that she should be set for life. Tom said he signed a pre-nup with Valerie. He said he insisted on it. He said it cost him 5 grand to say no.
Howard asked Tom how annoyed he is that Valerie didn't take any money from Eddie. Valerie said that she was going through her money pretty fast after the divorce. She said that she did get a house. She said that she still has that house. Howard said if he had gotten a hold of her then it would have been a different situation.
Howard asked Valerie who she cheated with. Valerie said she didn't want to think about that. She said she doesn't like that girl and she doesn't want to know that girl. Howard said maybe that was the answer to her happiness. Howard asked if it was another rock and roller. She said no to everything. She said she really can't remember. Howard asked if it was Al Roker. She said it was but then she said has never slept with a black guy.
Howard said that if he was Valerie he would have slept with Sammy Hagar. Howard said Valerie has some strange taste in men. Valerie said that guys like Ricky Gervais really turn her on. Howard said that she must be wet right now looking at him if she's into Ricky Gervais. Howard asked if he's even straight. Valerie said he has a girlfriend.
Howard asked Valerie who her friends are. She said that the girls on the show are her friends. Howard asked if she cooks for them. She said she does and she uses her cookbook. Howard asked if she knows how to cook and if she uses her own recipes. She said they are her's and her family's recipes. She said that they're from all of the people she loves.
Howard asked Valerie how her body looks. Valerie told him that his head would explode if he saw it. Howard said he saw the picture she tweeted out and it was sexy. Howard said she looked fully shaved. Valerie said she waxes. She said the woman is Brazilian. Howard asked if she has all of that hair taken out then. Tom said she doesn't have any hair. Valerie said she has a moustache and she can't wax that or she breaks out. Howard asked if she shaves. Valerie said she has to. Howard said he's never going to masturbate to her again. Valerie said he wouldn't be able to feel it if he kissed her now. Howard said it must be a big deal for the Brazilian to wax her. Howard asked if they stick ass in her ass and around there. Valerie said that she lets the hair grow out. Howard asked if she gets doody in the hair. Valerie freaked out and told him to stop.
Howard asked if she had a full bush when she was single. Valerie said she did. She said she wasn't dating. Howard said you should see the hair coming out of his ass. Valerie said that he's a guy. She asked if they could stop talking about ass hair. She said she doesn't have any. Tom said she has zero ass hair.
Howard said ass hair is like serving great food on a dirty plate. Valerie said she liked Howard so much more before the ass hair thing.
Howard asked if she ever got implants. She said she never did. She said she has always has a nice size. She said she would like to lose a few more pounds and get down to a B-cup.
Howard gave Valerie a plug for her book ''One Dish at a Time: Delicious Recipes and Stories from My Italian-American Childhood and Beyond.'' Valerie asked him to plug the new season of ''Hot in Cleveland'' too. Howard said he'll do that. He said they can bring in the whole cast and he'll talk about ass hair with them too. Valerie said that Wendy Malik is on the show and he would love her. Howard said he doesn't know who that is. Robin said she was on the show once. Gary said they had her on the show and she didn't want to do the gossip game or play the homeless game so they didn't know what to do with her. Valerie told Howard how great the show is and how much the writers love Howard.
Howard asked about the talk show she was supposed to do. Valerie said that just fell through. She said that fell through but then Hot in Cleveland came through so it worked out. Robin said she's seen Valerie Bertinelli soap. She said she has a clothing line and cooking utensils line. She said she has stuff at TJ Maxx. Howard said she's like the female Gene Simmons. Valerie asked if he could some up with another name.
Howard gave Valerie a plug for her book ''One Dish at a Time: Delicious Recipes and Stories from My Italian-American Childhood and Beyond'' and asked about her going on Oprah's show and showing her body in a bikini. She said she still wears one.
Howard asked how Bonnie Franklin is doing. Valerie said she loves Bonnie and doesn't want to talk about it. She said she loves her like a mother. She said Bonnie is the sweetest, kindest person. She said they're trying to get Mackenzie on the show and Pat Harrington just did a spot on the show. Howard asked if Pat ever hit on her. Valerie said he never did. She said he was like 40 and she was 15.
Howard asked Valerie how often she's having sex. They said they're doing it like 3-5 times a week. Howard said that's a good average. Howard said that's about what he's doing.
Howard asked Tom if Valerie has ever called him Eddie. Tom said she has. Not while they were in bed but she has done that during arguments.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen impressions. They spent a minute doing that.
Valerie told Howard that his wife is such a sweetie pie. She said she met her the last time she was in town. Howard said people look at them and wonder why she married him. Valerie said she knows the real Howard and that's why Beth married him.
Howard gave Valerie some plugs for her book and she said she's going to be signing books out in Huntington Long Island. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has Mitt Romney on the phone. He picked up and had an impersonator on the line. Romney said that this isn't the first time he's been bumped by Bubba the Love Sponge.
Howard asked Romney if he's going to curse at all. Romney said ''Oh fuck yeah.'' Howard said he was going to vote for Obama but he thinks he might change.
Romney said he thinks he won the debate last night. He said he owned Obama last night but Obama could probably beat him in a game of basketball. Howard said he thought the bizarre thing with him was when he was going into the women's issues and he said he had hired a bunch of women. Robin said that's like saying that you have friends that are black. Romney said that he doesn't have any black friends so that's ridiculous.
Romney said he didn't like being called out for some bullshit he had said. He said he doesn't think that journalists should be calling people out on things like that. He said Obama was mumbling more than JD talking about something.
Howard asked Mitt if he would take some calls from some people. Mitt said he would love to. Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he responds to the claims that he's a draft dodger. Mitt said he was on a Mormon mission in France. He wasn't draft dodging.
Howard said he doesn't know much about Mormons but he did wonder about the magic underwear. Mitt said they don't call it that.
Howard asked if it's true that Mitt let his dog ride inside the car last night to celebrate his win. Mitt said he did but he's also going to let two dogs ride on the roof of the limo on his way home. Mitt got in a plug for the web site WeApprovedThisMessage.com saying that's a site that he and Obama set up together. Howard said that he thinks that comedian Mike MacRae is great too.
Howard let Mitt go and asked Scott DePace how he thinks he was. Scott was telling Howard that he did great last night and he thinks that he did great today and we should all vote for him.
Howard picked up on Bobo and told him he has to stop calling in and go to therapy. Robin said he should take off a month. Bobo said that's what his wife has said too. Howard said he really has to get over this when he doesn't pick up. Howard said he's doing a show and it's not about Bobo. Howard said he's whacked out of his skull. Howard said he's so whacked out of his skull that it rejected his hair.
Bobo asked Howard a question about who it was that Howard was talking to at dinner about Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard hung up on him and said that should hold him over for a couple of weeks.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody ''Gangbang Style'' by Psyche. Howard said he's exciting as a performer. He said he gets him every time.
Robin started her news with a story about the most expensive zip code in the country. Robin said it wasn't 90210 and it was in New York. Robin said it's actually the zip code 10065 zip code being the most expensive to live in. Robin said that the median income for a home is $6.5 million. Howard said it must be heaven to live there. Robin said that Rupert Murdoch and Ron Perlman live in that zip code.
Howard played a commercial parody the guys created for a Ronnie Mund haunted house. They had a bunch of Ronnie's creepy yells in the bit. It was for ''Ronnie Mund's House of Horror.''
Robin read about the death of an Alaska man who may have been attacked and partially eaten by brown bears. Robin said he was mostly eaten. Howard said that has to be one of the worst ways to die.
Robin said that the movie Ted has broken a box office record. It's the highest grossing comedy of all time but not really. Robin said they say it's the highest grossing non-sequel R-rated comedy. Howard said he liked that movie. Robin said she did too. Howard talked about how he liked Snow White and the Huntsmen. Howard said he liked that movie ''Prometheus'' too. Howard said he watched it on his iPad and Robin yelled at him for not seeing it on a big screen. Howard said he liked it on the small screen. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about what the best major to pick in college is. Howard said the best thing to do is be an actuary. Howard said it's probably ''sexy webcam girl.'' Robin said it's actually engineering. Howard said for a while that was dead. Robin said that they say they can expect to have the highest earnings. Robin said teachers have the lowest. Howard thought Robin was talking about a train engineer. Robin said that's not the engineering she's talking about. Robin said that engineers build things and design things. Howard said forget that and just get Hulk Hogan naked in a room with your ex-wife and tape them.
Robin said there is a 14 year old girl in Florida who has bought two homes in Florida. Robin said that the girl bought one home for $12,000 and just added a $17,500 home down there. Robin said the housing market is slowly turning around and she could make a lot of money. Howard said JD could be Trump down there.
Robin read about a Bumble Bee tuna employee was cooked to death in one of their facilities. Howard said he didn't know they cooked that tuna. Robin said of course it is. Robin read some details about the guy who died. Howard said that might be worse than getting eaten by a bear.
Howard said Obama was on fire last night. Howard said he went from being Scott the Engineer to Debbie the Pet Lady in two debates. Robin said they did say that he did appear to be ready to fall asleep in the first debate. Howard said he wanted to be a judge on the show and he would have hit the X on the audience there. He said some of those people looked like Wack Packers there. Robin said they have one more debate coming up Tuesday.
Howard said we're just weeks away from a smaller iPad. He said he thinks he needs it and he's not even sure why. Howard said he can put it in his man purse.
Howard said Ross went to the debates. He wondered how he got in and why he went. Howard said Ross isn't even political. Howard asked Gary how that happened. Gary said he might have been part of one of their channels there. Howard said Ross loves events and going to stuff like that. Howard asked if he's political. Gary said he doesn't think he's ever talked politics with him. He said he knows his list of top 10 women he'd like to sleep with but not who he's for politically. Howard had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the French possibly banning homework. Robin said they say that most of the work should be done in school. Robin said that French students endure some of the longest days. they can go from 8:30 to 4:30 in the afternoon. Robin said they average more hours in the classroom than other developing countries. Howard said Robin went to France and wasn't able to find vegetables so how smart could they be?
Howard said that Paul Ryan went to a soup kitchen to have his picture taken washing dirty dishes. He said there were none there so Paul Ryan cleaned clean dishes and then left after the photo op. Howard asked how you do that. He said that you're going to get nabbed if you pull something like that. Howard read an article about that incident. Howard said he was only there for about 15 minutes and no one was even there eating. Howard said he had his wife and kids doing it too. He said that's just crazy.
Robin read about how most children of older adults expect their aging parents to move in with them as they age. Howard said his parents won't be moving in with him. He said he had 18 years together with them and that was enough for him. Howard said Robin doesn't need that either. Howard said his parents will go to a nursing home before they come to his house. Howard said he's warned his parents that they'll be eating dog food in some old age home some day. Robin read more details about that study and they think that this trend could continue for a long time.
Robin read about a dog that saved two young girls when it jumped in front of a motorcycle. Robin said that the dog has to be treated for heartworm and a tumor before it can be operated on to fix her snout. Robin said they hope to be able to send her back to the Philippines soon. Howard said he loves dog stories like that. Howard told a story about a family he knew that adopted a dog that saved their lives from a fire. He said if the dog hadn't woken them up then they could have died in this fire. Howard said he loves dogs. Howard also said that this guy bobby Heller adopted that Husky that was found in his parent's neighborhood. Howard said that the dog is doing great from what he heard. Howard said it's like doggy heaven at that guy's house. Howard said everyone should go adopt an adult dog or cat at the North Shore Animal League. Robin said they should be sure they want to care for something before doing that.
Robin read about Lance Armstrong and the doping case against him. Robin said that all of his wins are going to be wiped off the books for what he did. Robin said it's a shame. Howard said he must not have any endorsement deals now. Robin said she just saw a note that says that he's been dropped by Nike. Gary said they don't drop anyone. He said they stuck with Kobe during his problems. Howard said he doesn't understand adults who want to ride bikes that much anyway. He said he has a friend who rides who was drafting with other riders and they ended up crashing into each other. He said the guy looks more fucked up than Tim Sabean. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a fitness instructor who had sex with some of her clients. Robin said that this instructor was running a prostitution ring out of her studio. Robin said they're releasing the names of the Johns. Howard said that's embarrassing. He said he wouldn't want his name released. Robin said the woman's studio is now closed. She said that there may have been some sex tapes released too. Howard said you have to be stupid to give your actual name in something like that. Howard said if that was him he'd say his name was Lance Armstrong. Howard said that or John Smith.
Robin read a story about a poll that found Mitt Romney with a 4 point lead against Obama. Robin also had some clips from last night's debate that she had Howard play.
Robin read a story about Bristol Palin getting kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that's the story he was waiting for. Howard said she's getting hotter losing weight. Robin said she was on Jimmy Kimmel Live after getting kicked off. She had some audio from that interview. Howard said he likes watching fat girls get skinny.
Robin read about Jimmy Kimmel having Don Rickles on his show. Robin had some audio of that interview too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said there was no time to breathe today with the guests they had on today. Gary said the Bubba thing popped up yesterday and so did the Mitt Romney thing. He didn't want to push Bubba off until Monday. He said it's not as easy to bump someone as you'd think.
Jon said Bubba got on Robin for not having his back. Jon said there is some stuff he finds hard to believe in Bubba's story. He said him saying he never saw the tape is kind of strange to him. Gary said he thinks that Bubba was in another room watching while it was happening. He said he thinks he may have seen what went on after. Gary said maybe he's into that cuckold thing. He said he's not sure what the point of it going on is if you don't get anything out of it. He said he doesn't think they were setting up to sell the tape but something weird was going on.
Gary said he has cameras on his house. He said they're not in the house but on the house. Gary said that you know the cameras are on you there. Gary said Hulk was relaxed when he was doing his thing in that tape.
Jon said he's not sure what is what. He said he's sure the truth will come out some day. Jon said that the whole wrestling thing does make you skeptical because that's what Hulk does for a living.
Gary said both of them sound very genuine. He said the situation is what seems to be the problem. Jon asked Gary how glad Howard is that he never stayed at Bubba's house. Gary said he's sure he's very happy about that. Jon said Howard has said he only stays in hotels and won't stay in another person's house. Gary said he's not sure what they do when they go to visit Beth's family. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary about what happened to the phones this morning. Gary said that he and Tim went to see Mel Karmazin and he had some ideas for what to do so they're going to have another meeting about it. Jon asked if he thinks that Evan jinxed it by saying that they hadn't gone down. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't believe in jinxes unless it's in sports. Jon said he thinks it was a jinx. He said he's only half serious about that though.
Jon asked Gary who had the bigger crush on Valerie Bertinelli. Gary said he was her age when he was growing up so he might be the bigger fan. Benjy said he met her at a mall when he was young and she may have been his first.
Gary said Valerie looks phenomenal. He said she was very funny today and not always on purpose. He said the stuff was spilling out of her mouth and she was cursing Howard out. Jon said Gary seems to be smitten. Gary said he really did like her. He said that her story about Christina Aguilera was great. He said she was talking about the fans coming up to you and it's almost harder to be an asshole than just be nice. Jon said that everyone on the show have fans and the way you treat them is important. He said that you end up getting labeled if you treat them poorly.
Gary told Jon some stories about celebrities that have treated people poorly. He said Ross tried to go up to Spike Lee once and Spike gave him the hand. He said Ross was pissed about that. Gary said that people were much nicer in the old days than they are now.
Jon said you do have to pick your spots. Gary said there are people out in front of the building who he tries to avoid. He said he will race to the door. He said some people are really cool though. He said there are people who scare the shit out of him and he runs. He said he gets in that door and he's in business.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that the Valerie Bertinelli interview was brilliant. Gary said that the only thing that really seemed to bother him was the hair on the ass thing. Jon said that she also asked Howard if the whole interview was going to be about her being a shitty person.
Jon said it was interesting hearing about the cheating that went on between Eddie and Valerie. Jon said he had never heard the story about Steven Spielberg either. Gary said that was a weird story. Spielberg was 30 and Valerie was 19. Gary said Howard asked her if she felt it was creepy for her to get a date after an audition and her husband was shaking his head yes while Valerie was thinking.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Spielberg story was pretty creepy. He said that he really liked Valerie and she seemed like a great chick after the interview. Gary said he has such an attachment to the show that he talks to Mackenzie and Glen Scarpelli regularly.
Jon said Valerie was talking about Van Halen a lot and she said that with Eddie he paid more attention to the guitar than he did her. Gary said they had Eddie and the band on the show once. He said it was when Gary Sharone was in the band. He said Eddie was in the studio and he had to follow him around the studio with a microphone. He said Eddie played the guitar the whole interview and he really is attached to that thing. They spent another minute talking about Valerie before they had to take another break.
Jon said that he thinks they need to shake things up over there. Gary said this might be the Deborah Norville thing all over again. Gary said that there was a lot of scrutiny over how no one knew who she was. Gary was also saying that Katie Couric got off that train too early.
Gary said he liked it when Al talked about the funny look he gave that hit the internet that turned out to be a bet with the director.
Ronnie came in so they were talking about Valerie with him too. Ronnie said that he had to go down to the lobby to let her in. Gary said he heard that Will was upset that he wasn't there waiting for her to come in. Ronnie said he wanted to be in the lobby to get her in there quickly. He said he will do that with guests once in a while. He said he went down to see if she was there or not. He said she wasn't there so he waited down there for her. Gary said he should tell someone if he is down there.
The guys were wondering if Will and Ronnie had something going on. Gary said that Will has been called an angry guy. Will said he doesn't think he's angrier than Ronnie. Ronnie said that Will has been breaking his balls lately. Will said Ronnie wasn't there and they were looking for him. He said they need to know where he is. Will said that they have some dopey people who don't bring their ID and they need to know where Ronnie is.
Will said that Ronnie is at an age where he could forget where he is and get lost. He said he's needed on the show for about a total of 7 minutes on the show. He said they need him for those 7 minutes. Will said that they can usually find Ronnie sleeping in Scott's office but he wasn't there today.
Jon wondered what the underlying anger is there. JD said he thinks that both of them like to bust people's balls and when they bust each other's balls it's like war. Will said he loves Ronnie but they both have short fuses. Jon said that Scott Salem has gotten his anger under control. Ronnie said that's true until Tim Sabean walks in. Jon said they had to end the show on that note. They were done at 11:00am.
In the clip Howard brought up the fact that he masturbated last night. He said it was a tragedy and Robin thought he was talking about the earthquake in San Francisco. Howard said he was having trouble sleeping so he had to do it. Howard said he vowed on the air yesterday that he wouldn't but he couldn't help it.
Robin said that Howard had this plan on how to create a boy. Howard said he did want to have another kid and he figured the only way to do that was to not masturbate. He said you need a huge build up to have a son. Robin said that's because of the number of male sperm and the forcefulness of the stuff going in.
Howard said he was going to go for a week without doing it. Howard said last night he got into bed and couldn't sleep. He said it was ridiculous. Howard said he laid in bed from 8:29 until 8:44 before he did it. Robin sarcastically said that's a really long time. Howard said he did it and it worked. He was able to go to sleep. Robin didn't think he'd make it a month then. Howard said he doesn't think he can hold out for more than a day.
Howard said he didn't do it in college because he had several roommates. Howard said when he got his own apartment he didn't even do it. Howard said that's the way he remembers it. Howard said it wasn't in him to do it. Howard said he has hit lags in the past so maybe it is possible.
Howard said the earthquake is a tragedy but so is the fact that he can't stop masturbating. Howard said he figured he'd have to get on the air and just admit it today. Robin said Howard can't beat this and lick it. Howard said she's right about that. Howard said he can't lick it. Howard said we shouldn't feel guilty about all of this though. He said that everyone does it.
Howard said that their old boss John Hayes moved to San Francisco so maybe he's dead. Howard said some other people they know are out there too. Howard and Robin talked about the earthquake and the coverage they had of the earthquake.
Howard said they should try to get in touch with Al Michaels since he was on the air at the time of the quake. Howard said sports guys know how to ad-lib but regular news guys don't. Robin talked about how bad that NBC news coverage was. She said they had no footage from the area and no live reports. It was just a female reporter who had no make up on giving the report. Robin said she was reading off pieces of paper and her face had blemishes all over it and her hair was all stringy.
Howard said ABC had coverage and they were talking about after shocks and all of a sudden they had one. Howard said they were all freaking out. Robin said she saw some other coverage like that. Robin said Dan Rather was talking about how they shouldn't promote any rumors. Howard said he's the guy spreading rumors so he's talking about himself.
Howard said that the news guys are really bad at coming up with stuff on their own. Howard said the sports guys were doing just fine but not the regular news guys. Robin said they kept going to Al Michaels last night and asking what he was seeing.
Robin said the game ended up getting cut right off because they lost power. Gary said that you could hear Al Michaels saying that they were having an earthquake but that got garbled and he got cut off. Gary said they had Al on a cellular phone and he was listening on that while doing the news reports.
Gary told Howard how some of the coverage was going when they didn't know if they were on the air and stuff like that. Howard said that makes the reporters seem more human and he likes seeing that stuff on the satellite feed.
Gary said the guys from ESPN were on the air during an aftershock and they were freaking out when it started. Howard wondered if they shook the camera even more during that. Gary said it looks that way but he's not sure.
Howard asked how they can find out if John Hayes is dead. Gary said he can call the station he works at. Howard told him to get him the number. Howard said he wants to know. Robin said the phone lines might be jammed up from everyone calling out there.
Howard and Robin talked about the phone system strike and how hard it's been to get things done. Howard said he called to get a number and the woman who answered must have been a scab. Howard said she told him that she can't find the number. Robin said sometimes they just give you the wrong number so you have to call back.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said that he's glad that Howard talks about masturbation. He said he used to think he was strange for doing it every night but now he doesn't feel so strange. The caller said he realized he loves Howard when he talked about masturbating every night. The caller said he has a girlfriend and he was debating about whether or not he should do it. Howard said he should do it multiple times before being with the woman. Howard said he can make believe he's been with the woman and he's somewhat experienced. Howard said that way he won't explode right away either.
THoHS:A3 - The Jackie Puppet. 12/30/09. 6:20am
They played another show clip where Howard said that even Tom Chiusano works the Jackie puppet. He said Tom went into a whole routine when he heard they had the puppet. Howard had Tom come in to do that Jackie puppet routine. Howard said he's not bad with it either. Tom came in and took the puppet and did an impression of Jackie doing his contract negotiation thing. Tom did that for a couple of minutes. Howard said he was keeping it short for the radio but he had even more of a routine.
After Tom did his thing Howard had the other guys do their Jackie impressions with the puppet. Gary tried it out and did his Jackie impression. Robin said she had to think about what she wanted to do. Gary was making a lot of references to various things that Jackie brings up often. Howard said when Tom does better than you then you know you're in trouble. The guys all thought Tom had it down just right. Robin had a few lines to do but she wasn't doing her full on puppetry.
After an edited out break Robin was doing her news and Billy was doing his Jackie Puppet impression talking about weed. Jackie Puppet was pretending to smoke his bong and Billy was making all of the sound effects. Jackie Puppet said he loves weed and Billy would make the bong sound. He had Howard cracking up. Howard said once you start that puppet he won't stop. Robin was trying to get through her news but Jackie Puppet was still going nuts. Fred was throwing in some audio clips of Jackie laughs too.
Robin went through some more stories and Jackie Puppet kept joking. Howard said Tom just said that he's glad Billy is finally earning his money. Billy kept going with his Jackie voice and made a bunch of fart sounds when his jokes wouldn't go over very well. Howard said he's throwing that puppet out of there. Howard said the puppet is funny but he can't take much more of it. Howard said he's getting scared of the puppet.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at an Elayne Boosler show. He said he didn't know he was going. He said his girlfriend just brought him there. The caller said he was drinking heavily to get through the show. Howard said you'd have to drink to make her funny.
The caller said someone yelled out Howard's name and he was like ''Yeah! Howard Stern'' and then she asked him if he likes that guy. Howard said of course they think he's funny. Howard said more people know him than know her. The caller said that he didn't say anything to Boosler and she thought that he was the one who said it. He was just about in her lap at the club. He said Boosler started picking on him about his hair and stuff. Howard said she's one to make fun of bad hair. He said she has a red bozo nest on her head. The caller said Boosler has a huge nose too. He said he was picking on her about that.
The caller said Boosler called in security after that. He said she wanted him out of there after he did that. Howard said they should have thrown her out of the club. The caller said he was the show and they threw him out. He said people were cheering and laughing for him. He said security came over and Boosler was picking on his girlfriend. Howard said a woman can't out yell a drunk guy. The caller said they were about to throw him out and Boosler told him to go home and have sex with his girlfriend. He said at least he was going home to have sex with his girlfriend because she's going home to have sex with her father. The caller said he was chanting that Howard Stern was king as he was being thrown out.
Howard said they've thrown out people from shows before. He said he's not a stand-up comedian so he doesn't know how to handle it. Howard said they are more like performance artists. Howard talked about the act they used to do and he used to do magic in that. He said it was the worst thing ever. Howard said they had to pay like 13 grand for that trick where you cut someone in half. Howard said the way they do it is with a radio control device. He said the feet are fake and they pop out like real feet and then you fake the blood and guts coming out.
Gary said they had a magician make them promise to never talk about how they do that trick on the air. Howard said he made that promise too. Howard said it's not like people really believe you're cutting them in half. Gary said it was a big deal to the magician.
Howard said the excitement is the audience watching the illusion. Gary said the blood and guts was a great addition to the act. Howard said it was pretty cool actually. He said it was fun doing it live. They wrapped up a short time later.
Paul McCartney Comes In. 10/18/01. 8:25am
The Beatles' Paul McCartney came in this morning to talk to Howard about many things and to promote his new single ''Lover to a Friend'' which comes out on October 29th.
The excitement in the studio was very high when Paul showed up. You could hear it in both Howard and Robin's voices that they were thrilled to have Paul there.
Paul told Howard that he has heard and seen his show on occasion. He said he'd listen in his car once in a while. His limo driver actually told him not to do Howard's show because he's so nasty but Paul decided to give it a try anyway.
Howard said that Paul must be one of the most loving guys in the world because he stayed with Linda so long. Howard seems to think that Paul could have had his choice of any woman but he stayed with Linda for 30 years. He claims that he was with her almost every day of his life from the time they were married until Linda died. The longest period he stayed away was when he was arrested in Japan for marijuana possession. He spent a short time telling Howard about that experience and how he thought he was going to be serving 7 years hard labor over there. Paul also told Howard he got his ''rock star'' lifestyle out of his system before he met Linda so he was ready to settle down with her. He also said everything was different with her when he met her.
Howard also questioned Paul about Yoko Ono and how she actually met him before she met John Lennon. Then she claimed that she didn't even know who the Beatles were. Paul said he couldn't say too much about Yoko because he could get in trouble with her. He did tell his side of the story though and it sounds like Yoko knew exactly who the Beatles were before she met John. Paul said that life's too short to worry about stuff like that though.
Howard asked Paul why he wasn't involved in the John Lennon Tribute that took place a few weeks ago. Paul said he had other things to do and he also thought it would be a little weird for him to be there singing the songs. Howard also brought up how Julian Lennon wasn't invited to the tribute. Once again Paul didn't want to get into that whole discussion in public.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about the rumor that their manager gave John Lennon oral sex at one point. Paul said that his theory was that it never happened. Paul said that whenever he saw John, whether he was sober or not, he was always with a woman.
Howard brought up Paul's current fiancé Heather and asked if his kids are still upset that he's going to get married. Paul said they've come around recently and they're not upset about the marriage. Howard seemed to think that the kids would be upset about losing their inheritance to their stepmother but Paul said he told them that won't happen. Paul also told Howard how he has tried to raise his kids like normal kids. He sent them to public schools so they'd grow up without being spoiled rich kids. He wanted them to experience real people so they'd respect them like he had to do. Paul told Howard that 15 months after Linda died he met Heather and he felt guilty that he was going with another woman. He said he walked around alone and asked Linda to give him a sign if it was okay to be going out with this other woman. He said he heard an owl hoot and he took that as a yes.
Michael Jackson's name also came up. Michael owns the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. Paul said he used to have a good relationship with Michael until he got the publishing rights. After that Paul said he wrote to Michael asking him for a raise on his royalties but he doesn't ever get an answer so he doesn't have much of a relationship with him anymore. He finds the whole situation ironic. Paul does own a lot of publishing rights to a lot of songs. He said he got advice from his father-in-law when he got married to Linda. He suggested that Paul invest his money in a music publishing company and that's what he ended up doing. It took all of the money he had at the time but it's paid off in the long run. Paul said it was very risky but he lucked out.
Howard has heard over the years that Paul would sometimes play drums instead of Ringo on some of their songs. Paul said that sometimes that would happen and no one else in the band would hold it against him. He said he'd sometimes play some of George Harrison's guitar parts too if he thought it would help the song. He said the other guys were cool with it.
Howard heard that Paul disliked Elvis' cover of ''Yesterday'' so he asked him about that. Paul said that he doesn't hate any of the cover versions of their songs. He said that the Elvis cover was funny because he screwed up the lyrics at one point. Howard played him a few clips from the cover songs from Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby and William Shatner. They all got a few laughs out of the songs.
Howard plugged Paul's new album ''Driving Rain'' which comes out November 13th. He also played the new single that Paul has coming out called ''Lover to a Friend.'' The proceeds from the song will go to the families of the police and fire department employees who were lost in the September 11th tragedy. Paul said that he was sitting in an airplane on the runway getting ready to fly back to England when the tragedy happened. He could actually see the smoke from the World Trade Center out the window of the plane. He's also playing a concert this Saturday that will also go to help those lost in the tragedy. Howard took a few phone calls including one from Vinnie Favale who was upset he wasn't allowed in the studio today. Howard told Vinnie earlier in the show that he ruined the Ringo Starr interview recently so he didn't want him doing the same to Paul's interview. Vinnie asked Paul a couple of questions and Howard cut him off. After the phone calls Howard let Paul go and took a break.
Ric Flair And Chris Canyon Argue Before The Big Kiss. 10/18/06. 9:10am
Howard came back from break and talked about Madonna's nanny because she's so hot. He said he saw pictures of her in the paper and she is way hot. Artie figures that the kid will end up banging the nanny by the time he's like 13 years old.
Howard said they had an audience in the studio to watch Artie making out with Blue Iris. Former WWE wrestler Chris Kanyon is the one to thank for all of this because he made the bet with Artie that the Mets would make it further in the playoffs than the Yankees would. Chris came in and said that Artie looked really mad this morning. Artie was smoking and drinking some Jack Daniels to get into the right mood for this. Howard said that he doesn't even let anyone smoke in there.
Howard had Ric Flair on the phone to talk to Chris about the last appearance he made on the show. Ric was upset with some of the stuff that Chris said about Vince McMahon firing him for being gay. Ric said that he thinks that Chris had some shortcomings in the ring and that's why he got fired, not because he was gay. Howard said that John Cena also said that Chris was a good guy but he didn't have the skills to do the job. Robin said he actually said he didn't have much of an act, that's what his problem was.
Howard asked Chris what he thinks about all of this. Chris said he thinks that the writers knew that he was gay and they put that stuff into the story line every week. Ric didn't think that had anything to do with why he was fired. Chris also said that he was in the WWE for 9 years and he wouldn't have lasted that long if he didn't have something. Ric said that he still doesn't think that he was fired because he came out of the closet.
Chris seems to think that Ric is going to say whatever it is that Vince wants to hear. Gary asked Ric what he thinks the real reason was then. Ric wasn't sure why they fired Chris so he doesn't know that it was because he was gay. Ric said he knows that there are gay people in the wrestling world and they haven't been fired. Those people aren't out like Chris was though.
Ric said that he thinks that it was just the fact that Chris didn't have anything to add to the WWE. Chris said he was fine for 9 years until he started talking about the fact that he's gay. Ric said that he's just not good enough to be on the show. Chris asked him why he was on the phone and why Vince wasn't. Gary said that he was told that Vince and the other guys are in Japan so that's why Ric is on the phone today. Ric kept saying that Chris just didn't have the right stuff for the show at this point.
Chris and Ric went back and forth on all of that for a short time before Howard interrupted and said that they had their words. Robin asked if it was true that Ric was put on the show because Vince couldn't call in. Gary said that was the story and Ric was picked because some of the other guys were busy in Japan. Chris seems to think that Vince picked Ric to speak on his behalf and he probably told him what to say.
Ric said that he's a huge fan of the show and he wondered why he would have Hulk Hogan on the show and not him. Howard said he doesn't know that much about wrestling but he knows Hulk's name so he has him on the show. He said he would have Ric on if he wanted but he doesn't know who he is. Chris told Ric he really respects him and thinks that he's the greatest wrestler of all time. Artie said that they're having the most civilized wrestling discussion of all time.
Ric told Chris he shouldn't use the Howard Stern Show to vent about that stuff. Chris said ''Unlike you, they called me.'' Howard let Ric go after that and moved on to the big kiss.
Artie's 10 Second Blue Iris Kiss. 10/18/06. 9:25am
Howard said hello to some of the fans in the studio. He spoke to a woman who came down from Boston to see the big kiss between Artie and Blue Iris. Artie had met her before at his movie premiere and the after party or at a taping of Kill or Be Killed at Caroline's on Broadway. She passed him a note there and Artie remembered that. He said that she was very flirtatious. She said she left her number on the note and he never called her. Artie said that he might have to give her a call.
Howard talked to another guy in the audience who is looking forward to this. He said that Blue Iris isn't all that bad looking if you look at her straight on.
Artie asked Chris if he would take $10,000 to forget about the bet. Chris said that's a lot of money... Artie said he was serious about it too and would give the guy the ten grand. Chris sounded like he could use the money because he hasn't worked in 3 years. Artie pulled out his check book and showed him he was serious.
Pat the Make a Wish kid was also in the audience today. Howard asked him why he hasn't died yet. Pat said he was supposed to die about 6 months ago but he's still going. Artie asked him if he would die if he gave him ten grand. Pat said he's actually going to get some chemo today.
Crackhead Bob was in the audience so Howard asked him if he was gay, referring to that prank call he made recently. Artie called him Faghead Bob and Bob got a little pissed off at him. Sam Simon was also in the crowd so Howard asked him why he didn't put him into the Bitter Half show. Sam said he does have a great voice for doing voice overs. Howard said that Sam was treating this like a sporting event with a cigar in his mouth.
Chris Kanyon's brother was in the crowd so Howard said hello to him. Joey Pajamas, Sal, Richard, Shuli and others were also sitting in the audience. Sal said that they were just seat fillers like at the Academy Awards. Sal talked about the slap that Chris gave him the last time he was on and how the welt lasted for 5 days. Jon Hein and JD were also in the crowd so Howard talked to JD for a few seconds.
Howard looked at Blue Iris' medical test and found that she was free of AIDS. Artie said he was worried about getting herpes or something. Blue came in a few seconds later and said that she doesn't have herpes or anything like that. Howard asked her when she last had sex. She said it was a couple of weeks ago. She had her AIDS test on October 12th.
Blue said that she is married to Ron Pinsky and that's the guy she had sex with last. Artie said he couldn't kiss a chick who's married. She was wheezing a bit as she was talking so she told them that she has asthma. Artie said he was afraid of catching that.
Howard went through a list of other things that Blue claims she doesn't have. She claims to be totally clean. Howard had her show her panties to everyone. Artie asked where the Jack Daniels and Heroin were after that. Howard went through just about every disease he could come up with and Blue answered ''Nooo'' to every one of them.
Howard asked Blue if she would mind if Artie ended up getting a little more physical than just the kiss. She said she'd be fine with anything. Artie said that he might want to titty fuck her instead of kiss her. Howard had the two of them prepare for their kiss a short time later.
Howard sent Artie over to Blue as Crackhead Bob was cheering him on. Howard said he felt really bad for him. Artie had a beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hands as he walked over. Artie put his arm around Blue and got ready to kiss her. He had to do it for a full 10 seconds. Artie told her to get read and then went in for the kiss. Everyone was yelling and letting out sighs as he made the kiss. Howard said he was feeling her up as well. Gary said that he felt up her ass and even showed the camera that he had his tongue in her mouth.
Howard asked Blue what it was like as Artie was kissing her. She didn't seem to think it was too bad. Artie said it wasn't so bad for him either. Howard said that you have to see this on TV. He said that Artie paid up on his bet with Chris.
Blue said that Artie was very good but she didn't like the booze that was on his breath because she doesn't drink.
Howard got back to Kristin, the woman in the audience who gave Artie her number one time. He asked her to stand up so he could check out her body. The guys were telling him to go make out with her. Howard let Blue get in a plug for her web site where they have a trailer for her final porn movie. You can check that out at BlueIrisWebSite.com. Howard asked her how many guys she's given oral to. She said it's probably over 50 but Artie didn't want to hear that shit. Howard gave Chris a plug for his web site at ChrisKanyon.net. Howard spent a little more time talking to everyone before wrapping up. He said that Blue Iris' documentary which will be airing on Howard TV starting next Tuesday. We get to meet her kids and other people in her life.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said he can't believe that beast got made out with... and told Blue he felt sorry for her. Another caller asked when Artie was going to call his heroin dealer. Artie joked that his heroin dealer is his therapist now. Some of the audience members gave their thoughts on what had just happened. Sam Simon got in a plug for the Bitter Half Show that's airing next Wednesday on the show. He said he hopes that the Bitter Half will help them forget about what they saw there today.
Howard asked Sal what he thought about it. Sal said it wasn't as bad as Beer League but it came close. He said it was actually great radio. Richard said it looked like Artie was about to commit suicide but he just put that away and went through with it. Jon Hein said they'll be talking about that during the Wrap Up Show today. He said there was a bit of a show going on within the audience while the kissing was going on.
Howard wrapped up, gave everyone their plugs when Artie asked if he could just blow off the news and go out drinking. Howard told him he could do whatever he wanted after that. He went to commercial right after that.
Guy Tails His Wife Who's Allegedly Having An Affair. 10/18/99. 10:10am
Howard took this phone call from a guy on a cell phone. He was tailing his wife who was in a car with a guy who she shouldn't be with. He told Howard he's followed her 2 other times to a motel. He said he's been taking pictures so if he has to get a divorce he'll have evidence. He's only been married 1 ½ years and she's already cheating on him. Howard kept the guy on the phone for 15 minutes while he chased down the vehicle. At first he was pulled over by the cops but he explained that he was following his wife and the cops left. He then followed them into a gas station. The guy pulled out and he followed. He honked his horn and told them to pull over and after a few minutes of that the guy finally pulled over. The guy got out of his car and confronted his wife. She apparently admitted that she was having an affair. He told her that Howard wanted to talk to her but she didn't believe it. All of a sudden the wife and her new man took off in their vehicle. The caller got back in his car and started to follow them again. Howard couldn't take it anymore so he put the guy on hold so Stuttering John could monitor the situation. As of the time I updated this page there were no new developments. If more becomes available I'll post it here.
In the clip Howard was told about a guy he had on the phone who claimed to be on acid. He had his girlfriend on acid too. Howard picked up and talked to the guy about how much he did. Howard asked them not to say their names but the girl said the guy's name was Larry. Howard asked how much and what kind of acid they did. The guy said he did two hits.
Howard tried finding out what was up with the two of them. Larry was saying that he thinks Stuttering John stole Nirvana's music. Larry told Howard that John is better than Bon Jovi though. He said he knows Bon Jovi will be on the show soon and he can tell him that. Howard said it's easy to sit back and comment on Bon Jovi and John but this guy has done nothing. He said he's sitting in his house on acid and he's living off this woman Trish. Howard said these two are mental patients. Howard said it's amazing how quickly he gets sucked into their lives.
Trish cursed a couple of times so Howard had to ask her stop. Trish said she would stop. Howard told her to shut her cake hole. Larry said her cake hole smells like cat food. Howard told the two of them to shut up. He said he has to make one point and then he's going to let them go.
Howard told the two callers that he has done acid and it almost ruined his life. Howard said the two of them are a mess. Trish asked what he's talking about. Howard told her to shut up again. Howard said they sound like idiots. He said Larry is commenting on Stuttering John and to sit there commenting on Bon Jovi is wrong. Larry said he uses Bon Jovi's album as a dust cover. Howard said he has the right not to like them. Howard said this guy is going nowhere though. Larry said he is making his own music. Howard told him to play it. Larry said he has to talk to this boring loser Trish while he gets his music.
Howard asked Trish why he's with that guy. Trish said that he does make money off his music. She said she's not sure if he's acting right now. Howard said she sounds drunk. Trish said she's not drunk right now. Howard asked if she's been drinking. Trish said she has a story to tell. She said she was at Columbus Avenue a few years ago and this person said the most incredible thing to her. Howard said he hates drunks. Trish was still talking and going on and on about this story. Howard said this girl is a boring girl. She was telling a story about Sam Kinison.
Larry came back so Howard was going to let him do his thing but Larry cursed and Howard said he had to take a break. He put Larry on hold so he could set up. Howard said he knows it's going to be the worst crap you've ever heard.
After an edited out break Howard came back and got Larry and Trish back on the line. Howard asked Larry to play his music. Larry said this is copyrighted so John can't steal it. Larry played his music so Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin asked where he's been all her life. Howard let the song play and tried to get Larry's attention. Howard told him it was fantastic. Howard said he knows a guy who wants to sign him right now. Larry knew he was yanking him around. Howard told Larry he's the worst musician he's ever heard in his life. Howard said he's going to call the electric company so they can cut off the electricity in his house. Howard eventually hung up on the two of them. He said he's never heard such noise. Howard said Jackie is a virtuoso compared to that guy.
Howard said if he put his finger in a meat grinder he'd sound better than that. Fred played a chainsaw sound clip and Howard said that sounds better than that guy's music.
In the clip Howard said he was out in the hall and he heard Scott call Guido an F'n a-hole and he grabbed the guy. Jackie said that it went from 0 to 60 so fast too. He said one second they were fine and then they were yelling. Howard said Guido was freaking out too. Howard said Scott was yelling at him and pulling on him in the hall. Howard said it was wild. Howard said Scott was yelling at him because he thought that Guido was helping him out with his DJ side business. Howard said Scott could have called to find out what was going on with the guy but he just waited until now to go off on Guido. Howard said Tom Chiusano was out in the hall and he saw what was going on. Howard said he was waiting to see how it was going to go before he busted it up.
Howard said Tom came out and told them to get into an office. It was Howard's office. Howard said Tom told them not to talk about this stuff on his time. Gary said it was worse than that. He said Tom told them that they'd be fired if they were caught fighting like that again. Howard said he likes that. Howard said Scott is really irrational.
Howard said he wants to get Scott in there. He came in a minute later. Scott came in and asked what he was talking about. Howard said he's talking about his tizzy out in the hall. Scott said he has nothing to say about that. Howard said Scott is such a low man on the totem pole that he had to grab someone lower. Howard said they should call Guido and ask him what he thinks went on.
After an edited out break Howard came back and called Guido. He got his mother on the phone first. Howard told her about how he almost got fired. She told him that he's on his way to work so he should be there soon. Howard asked if she had her special spaghetti sauce cooking. She said she didn't. Howard told her that Guido got into some trouble for his fight with Scott. Howard asked how old he is. Mom said he's 22. Howard asked if he still lives at home. She said that's her baby. She doesn't mind. Howard said he swears he smells spaghetti sauce. She said she's actually making breakfast. Howard let the mom go a short time later.
Howard said he guesses they'll never find out his side of the story. Howard asked Scott how he can fight in the hall like that. He asked how old he is. Scott said he's 35. He told Howard he should have spoken to him outside. Howard asked if he was talking about his stupid DJ business. Scott said yes. Howard asked when he's going to get his money back for that business. Scott said it should be any day now. Howard said Scott is doing a ton of gigs. Scott said he had a good weekend. Howard asked how much he's made on this so far. Scott said he doesn't have the books in front of him right now.
Howard told Scott to tell Robin why he was fighting. Scott said he had a guy who helped him with his equipment but he disappeared. He asked Guido to help him out on Friday night. Scott said Guido told him he had someone who would come on Friday night. Scott said to make a long story short, no one showed up. Scott said he called the guy 3 times and he never called him back. It turns out it was John (Guido's real name) who was supposed to help but then John got someone else to help but that person didn't show up.
After another edited out break Howard had Guido in the studio. Howard said he didn't know that Tom told him that he would be fired if he shouted in the hall. Guido said Tom only said that to Tom. He said Scott had his hands around his neck at one point. Guido told Howard what Tom said and how he didn't really say it to either one. He was just saying that anyone who shouts in the hall again will be fired. Guido said that Scott was the one who put his hands around his neck.
Howard asked Scott if he wants to tell Guido what he did wrong. Guido said he knows what he did wrong. He said that this guy Michael was supposed to call Scot but he didn't do that. He said it was just a misunderstanding. He said Scott was ready to kill him over that. Scott said he wasn't ready to kill. He said it was just a misunderstanding.
Guido said he had work to do but Howard told him to sit down. Howard said this isn't settled yet. Howard said they're going to figure this thing out first. Howard turned it into a People's Court kind of thing. He had Fred as the announcer introducing the case. Then he heard Scott's side of the story.
Scott claims that he was supposed to have a roadie provided for Friday night. He said that Guido failed to produce that roadie. Then Guido said that he had a guy who was supposed to come on Friday but he wasn't able to make it. Howard asked if the roadie talked to Scott. Scott said he did and he said he couldn't make it then. Guido said that he was also supposed to work for Scott on Sunday. Scott said he had someone on Sunday. Howard said as a judge he's confused.
Howard said that the people's court does not advocate violence. He said that's not what they want to see. Howard said he thinks he's heard enough in this case. Guido said he has more evidence. He said he has the roadie who understands the situation. Howard said he didn't have him there with him so there's nothing he can do about that. Howard said he had to take a break and then he'd give his judgment.
After another edited out break Howard said that things are getting heated in there. Howard asked Scott when he last got laid. Scott said he thinks that question is out of line. Howard said it might be a little out of line. Howard asked what he uses the roadie for. Scott said he has some equipment that weighs a lot and he needs someone to help lift it. He said he broke his back lifting that stuff instead.
Howard said he's not sure about this case. He said it's a very stupid case. Howard said Scott asked Guido to do something and Guido agreed to do it. He said Guido did not follow up and he didn't return calls to Scott. Howard said Scott put in a couple of calls and Guido didn't return them. Howard said he's going to rule for Scott in this case. Howard said the ruling is against Guido in this one. Howard said Guido should have to park Robin's car for 2 weeks as punishment. Scott asked why he doesn't park his car. Howard said Scott will get the umbrella that Guido lost for Robin. Howard told the two of them to kiss and make up. Howard asked if the other guys agreed with his ruling. They seemed to be fine with it.
Mystery Guest - Crackhead Bob! 10/18/05. 7:20am
Howard played a High Pitch Eric prank call after the break where he calls a therapist about losing weight while he's eating a bunch of food. After that the guys said that the mystery guest was there but Gary was just going to bring the guest in instead of having everyone guess who it was. Howard told Gary he's not ready to bring that person in because he wanted to make more of a game out of it. Robin quickly guessed that it was Crackhead Bob... Gary went out and brought him in. She was right. Howard asked Bob how he's doing and said he understood why Bob left the show for a while. Bob wanted to make his family happy by not doing the show anymore. He said he had to do what he had to do for a while and he doesn't know if he's back to stay or not. Bob said that he doesn't have the money to buy satellite radio so he doesn't know if he'll be able to come with them. He said the money is tight because he's not making appearances like he was years ago.
Bob told Howard that when he was doing the appearances he was a mess because other people were drinking and he was being asked to drink with them. Bob said he doesn't want to drink but people would try to entice him to drink. Of course Bob wasn't able to say most of those words but that's the way the guys filled in the cracks of his broken speech. Bob said that he's able to think now more than he could years ago and he is able to speak better than he used to. He's also lost some weight and he's looking much better according to Howard and Robin. Bob was able to get some of his thoughts out very well so Artie said that maybe there's no reason for him to be there now. Gary said that Bob really left the show because of the gigs he was doing, not because his family wanted him to quit the show. It turns out Bob was going back to meetings and his sponsor told him that it might not be the best place for him to be. Bob told the guys that he was smoking some weed back then because he had the money for it when he was making the appearances. He was also getting addicted to doing the show and when they wouldn't have him on enough, he'd sit home smoking weed.
Howard asked Bob what he does these days. Gary said that he told him he's doing nothing but Bob said that he does a lot of walking. He walks to a ''meeting'' every morning to get his exercise. Howard said he'd love to get tape of those meetings where people find out that Bob was a former crack user and that's how he ended up the way he did. Bob told Howard more about what he does every morning. He eats some cereal or ''dereio'' as he said. The guys were kind of making fun of the way he was saying cereal. Bob told them that it was hard for him to think sometimes and he was having trouble saying Corn Flakes so he was almost ready to walk out. Howard told him to have a good time and sit there and relax after Bob said ''Good bye!''
Howard talked about how Bob would always be first in line to his book signings and stuff and how he used to be interviewed all the time. He would make TV and Radio history when he'd get interviewed for shows. Benjy wondered if Bob would still be able to be a Wack Pack member today the way he is. Howard said of course he could, there's always room for Crackhead Bob. Gary asked Bob about the tattoos he got of the crew and if he had a Jackie tattoo. Bob said he did so Howard checked them out. They suggested that he get an Artie tattoo to keep up. Bob showed them the newer tattoo he has of a cross with Jesus hands praying. Bob said he hasn't gotten all that religious but he does believe.
Bob said that he goes to the meeting in the morning and then goes home, watches TV and then maybe he'll go to another meeting at night. He said he has friends that come over and watch TV with him. Howard asked him if he's got a girlfriend now. Bob said there's no girlfriend now and he's not getting laid like he used to when he was on the show more. Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people go off on Robin for goofing on the poor guy this morning. One caller said that Howard should give Bob a chance because he loves the show. Howard said that they've always given Bob a chance and he's always welcome on the show. Gary said they've asked him to be on the show before and he's turned it down. Now he's back for a special appearance. One phone caller told Bob that he's doing great and he wishes he could get off of crack because he's been on it for 20 years. Howard figured the guy was a scammer so he hung up on him.
The guys asked Bob what kind of stuff he watches on TV but he wasn't able to come up with any TV show names, he just said he like the movies... which came out like ''Moulies'' so Artie had some fun with that. Howard said that they only have 2 months of shows left to do and Bob was a big part of the show. He talked about what a loyal fan Bob was to the show and how he could take a joke for the good of the show. Robin asked him what prompted him to come on the show. Bob said he thought about it many times and now that Howard is leaving the air, he wanted to come in and say goodbye. They played some classic bits that Bob did on the show since they had to get rid of them anyway. They won't be taking the bits with them to the new place so they're retiring them today. The first clip was Bob performing some Van Halen songs. Howard said he gets chills listening to those bits and how great it's been having Bob as part of the show for so long.
Captain Janks called in and told a story about doing an appearance with Bob and how he got pissed at a guy who stole his seat in the bar they were at. Bob ended up picking the guy up and throwing him across the room with his one good arm. Howard said that maybe it's best that he doesn't appear on the show anymore if that's the kind of stuff he was up to. He went on to tell Bob that they were still creating bits using Bob's old tapes and played the call they made to G. Gordon Liddy's show a few months ago using Bob's clips and confusing Liddy on the air with Bob asking him questions he couldn't understand. Crackhead Bob said that even he didn't know what he was saying when he recorded those clips. Howard played another clip where Bob sang karaoke style to a John Mellencamp song live on the air one day years ago. Howard said that those memories are so fresh in his mind they're like yesterday.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who pointed out that Bob has an E! tattoo along with the other stuff on his arms. Howard said you have to be careful about what you tattoo on yourself. The caller also asked Bob why he didn't go to Hank the Dwarf's funeral. Bob said he wasn't ready to do that. He was very close with Hank though so he talked about going to shows with him and what a mess Hank was. He said that it was painful for him to watch Hank drinking so much and he just wasn't ready to go to that funeral. Bob said he lost touch with just about all of the Wack Packers he used to hang around with. They played another classic bit where Bob called and left a message with an operator who could barely understand a word he was saying. Howard thanked Bob for coming in this morning and gave him a $500 prize. He started to wrap up after that but took a call from a guy who wanted to thank Bob for keeping him off of drugs when he was a kid.
Howard mentioned that on Thursday they're going to be doing the Wendy the Retard show on SIRIUS. Then on Saturday night they're going to be broadcasting from Ronnie's Birthday at Scores. Next week they'll have a Double A show where he interviews Beth O. Angry Black and King of All Blacks will also have their own show and then High Pitch Eric will have a show where he eats and craps while he's on the air. He sent over a list of the food he wants in the studio to eat while he's there for 24 hours. It's all fast food from KFC, White Castle, Subway and other places like that. There's a ton of food on the list and the guys think he'll die after eating all of the stuff on the list. Howard also got a list from Doug Goodstein who said he did some research and found out that an average person will make one ounce of poop for every 12 pounds of body weight they have. Howard was going to try and figure out how much that would be but he's not good at the math. It took him a while to figure it out but he came up with 29 ounces of poop. Robin and Artie wanted to give him the answer but he wanted to figure it out himself. He was still having trouble figuring it all out but eventually came up with about 2 pounds of poop. He decided to go with an over/under of maybe 2.5 pounds of poop in 24 hours. Artie said that the pressure of what Eric will be doing might keep him from doing what he really needs to. Howard figures they should stick with the 2.5 pounds. He said they'd continue that after the Crackhead Bob tribute. He said a few more words to Bob, thanking him for the years he did appear on the show. He said he's always been his favorite Crackhead. Artie also told him he's a big fan of his.
Howard was going to take a commercial break as they were playing another classic bit where Bob sang ''I Got You Babe'' with Fred the Elephant Boy. He asked Bob about his friendship with Elephant Boy after that bit. Bob said that he was friends with him until he was a ''Dagget'' because he's no homo himself. He doesn't want to be around that stuff because people would call him a ''dagget'' if he was friends with him. They played more of Bob's musical performances where he sang ''Jumpin' Jack Flash'' as they went into break. And remember, as Bob would say... ''Don't do dack!''
In the clip we heard Howard talking to a Rabbi (Al Rosenberg) and Bernice (Fred). Howard had some audio of the two of them doing a strange bit where they were doing prayers and stuff in a drive thru.
Naked Car Wash Girls Return. 10/18/2001. 9:25am
After the break Howard said that he was almost speechless when Paul walked in the studio. Gary said he was watching it on the monitor and it was a big deal when he came in. They spent a couple of minutes talking about some of the stuff they went over during the interview. Howard also played some more of his music and tried to figure out what they were singing about.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard he did a great job with the interview. They spent a minute on that. Then Double A called in and told Howard how great that interview was and how great this day was for the Howard Stern Show. Howard wondered if there was anyone out there who didn't know who Paul was.
The naked car wash girls, Taylor and Sky, that were on earlier never made it in during the interview so Howard brought them in to check out their car washing abilities. Howard heard that one of the girls was calling Paul McCartney ''Paul McCarthy'' so he started talking to her about other things. He asked both of the girls a few general knowledge questions like:
The Evaluators With Yucko, Triumph And Trick Daddy. 10/18/04. 9:15am
Howard was ready to go with The Evaluators after the commercial break. He had Yucko the Clown, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (Robert Smigel) and Rapper Trick Daddy in to evaluate a woman who wondered if she could be in Playboy. Howard introduced everyone after playing some of Trick Daddy's music. Triumph, a puppet, was plugging his new DVD as soon as Howard started talking to him. He moved on to Trick Daddy and talked to him about his music. He had some notes on him and saw that he has 14 gold teeth. He grew up in the projects down in Miami with his mother who had 11 different kids with 10 different guys. He went to prison at the age of 14 and was in for a few years. He got out at 17 but went back after a probation violation and went back until he was 21. Howard talked to him about the prison stuff for a little while. Trick Daddy said that he has to go around talking to kids about drugs and safe sex and stuff now. He's now between the ages of 21 and 35 but wouldn't say how old he really is. Trick Daddy seems to think that some of the other rappers out there aren't real rappers like he is. He thinks that they're just acting. There was also talk of pimping and how Trick Daddy has a stable of ho's out there. He also said that he's married but he gets to mess around with other chicks. Howard found out that Trick Daddy has two kids and ''two possibles'' that might be his kids. He said he didn't even know that the woman could get pregnant that way. If she did, they're ''throat babies.''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Trick Daddy that he should be able to vote down in Florida even if he is a felon. He had been talking about how he can't vote down there earlier and thought he couldn't vote. Howard gave Trick Daddy a plug for his new album ''Thug Matrimony: Married to the Streets'' which comes out on October 26th. There was a little more talk about Trick Daddy's tough life and how his brother was killed. Now he helps take care of some of the other kids in his family. He talked about how his time in prison and how he was the ''weed man'' back then. He'd have his women bring in the weed for him. He said that they'd call it ''Budah Brown'' because of where it was kept when it was brought in.
Triumph and Yucko got in some plugs for their stuff after that. Triumph has a DVD called ''Late Night with Conan O'Brien - The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog'' and Yucko has a new DVD coming out soon. You can find out more about Yucko's DVD at DamnShow.com.
Howard brought in the woman who came in to be evaluated today. Her name was Violetta and she rates herself an 8 on a scale of 10. She claims she's been told she could be a Victoria's Secret model and she's wondering if she could be in Playboy. She claims that her boyfriend used to beat her up a bit. Trick Daddy was talking about how women end up getting their faces slapped. He said if they talk back to him he'll slap their mouth. He has to be careful down in Broward County where he lives because they don't put up with that crap down there. He said if he lived somewhere else, he might slap his woman around more.
Violetta told Howard that she lost 14 pounds since last year and her breasts have gotten smaller since them. Howard said it's a good thing that she lost the 14 pounds though. He had the guys look over her and then give their scores. Triumph said that her boobs were kind of droopy and they were kind of old-school but he gave her an 8 on a scale of 10. Yucko was up next and asked her to lose her top. He and Trick Daddy wanted her to take her top off so Violetta took it off. Howard thought they looked perfect. Yucko said she had some moles on her face and that she might be able to get into Playboy if she wore more makeup... or went to Al Queda and got her head chopped off. Trick Daddy told her that she was cute and she could probably get in there. She's 25 years old so Trick Daddy wondered what she's been waiting for and why she didn't get in there earlier. Howard ended up giving Violetta a $500 prize for coming in and taking her top off for them. Howard gave everyone plugs for their stuff before wrapping up the segment. The guys were wondering if Triumph is going to go with Conan O'Brien when he makes the move to The Tonight Show in 5 years. Triumph isn't sure if he'll be going with him or not, it depends on how his career is going. Howard spent a couple more minutes with everyone and then wrapped up the segment. Triumph ended the segment while he was banging an Ernie from Sesame Street doll.
In the clip Howard had a Mystery Guest in the studio and he had people call in trying to guess who it was. The guest was disguising his voice so it wasn't easy to recognize. Howard gave some clues about the guest and callers took some wild guesses. One woman asked if he's ever been on the Casey Kasem top 40 show. The guest said he hopes so. She asked if he's been in the top 20. Howard said he's has a couple of number one songs. the caller asked if he plays rock. Howard said he does. She asked if he ever did disco. The guest told her not to hold her breath. The next caller guessed it was Billy Joel.
Howard told the caller he wins a copy of Billy's new album The Nylon Curtain. Howard said he got a great review for the album too. The caller said he was guessing Billy Joel all along and it just came out. He said he knows some people who live near Billy's parent's house in Glen Cove. Billy said his father is in Europe and his mother is in California.
Howard said they really like Billy's album. He said he wrote a song parody to the tune of ''She's Always A Woman.'' Howard asked Billy if he can record the song with him. Billy said he can't do it without his band. Howard asked him to please do it. Billy said he can't do it. Howard asked if he'd sing along with him. He said he didn't want him getting mad at him so he let him off the hook.
Howard asked Billy if he's a fan of the Howard Stern show. Billy said he used to be. Howard said it warms his heart that he'd come on his show. Howard said he's sure he'll be on Page Six for having him in.
Howard asked Billy to sing this song parody with him. It was about Liberace. Howard had Fred play guitar and then sang the song. Billy didn't join in. Howard had to stop in the middle of the song because he felt Fred was screwing up the guitar playing. Fred said it's not his fault if Howard doesn't have rhythm. Howard had Fred try again. Howard apologized to Billy for mutilating his song. Billy said it's fine if he does it that way.
Howard thanked Billy for coming in and played one of his new songs. He played ''Pressure.'' Howard came back after the song and said Billy was looking at him like some kind of weirdo. He said he's not sure if he should have done that song. Howard said it was an embarrassing moment.
Howard had Roz Frank on the line to do her traffic report. Howard talked to her about the Billy Joel thing and how bad that went for him. Howard said he's a nice guy. Roz said she's met him before and he is very nice. She said she used to do music on the station before she went up in the helicopter. Howard said the man loved him. He said he couldn't thank him enough for having him on the show.
Howard said they had a few girls there while Billy Joel was there. One of the engineers said it was his girlfriend. Howard said there were three babes sitting there and he had the hots. Howard said being a rock star is where it's at. Howard said that's how you get girls.
Howard said he has a couple of cigarettes that Billy was smoking. He wondered how much he could get for those. Howard said he was reading about how people will pay for that kind of stuff. Howard took some calls and tried to find someone to buy them. Howard had one kid who said he'd give him a dollar. Another person said $10 each. Howard took more calls and couldn't find many buyers. Howard said he thought it would be a bigger thing. Howard said it's not as hot an item as he thought it was. Howard said maybe they'll give them away as prizes.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:05am.