|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show asking Robin and Fred how their weekends were. They were fine. Howard said his was pretty good too. Robin said she saw some of Howard's photographs where she was with their cats. They were showing them on the Rachel Ray show. Howard said that was from like the second day he had the camera. He didn't know a thing. He can point and shoot and that's about it.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who wondered if he worked on his photography over the weekend. The caller asked if he's putting as much into that as he did with chess. Howard said he's not. Howard said he has a lesson on Saturdays though. He said he has a teacher who is very talented. He said he comes over and they talk photography. He said he worked on Photoshop and he can't figure it out. Howard said it's very complicated. Robin said there are a lot of people who pick up on that very easily. Howard said he can't even do the simplest task. He gets it wrong every time he tries to lower the resolution of the photo. He said he's been told how to do it 3 times.
Howard said he just wants to put information on the photo. He said that's supposed to be simple. He ends up with a second copy of the picture. He just wants the one. Howard said he's not even sure if the second picture has the information in it.
Howard said he got these Apple computers and he likes them but he has a lot of pictures on them and he's trying to keep them on multiple computers. He said they're supposed to replicate. Robin said she just sends her stuff via email or something. She said she doesn't keep them on every computer like Howard does. Howard asked her what she does when she deletes 100 pictures on one computer. Robin said she doesn't even have that. She said if she has them on one computer they're not on another. Howard said he wants to have them in the city and out at his house too.
Howard said he spent 5 hours deleting pictures the other day and he got home and they were back on his computer. He said he can't work this way. He said he wants an answer about why it dos that. He said he feels alone in this though. He said people say they'll get on it but it's overwhelming him.
Howard said he loves his iPhone. He said it lasted for 4 days. He said it was working all Thursday, Friday and Saturday and then Sunday night it ran out of power. Robin asked what's up with the Droid. Howard said it has a shitty battery.
Howard said the iPad is great with the battery too. He said nothing comes close to the iPad. He said there are companies making copies but they're not good. He said some of them are even more expensive too. He said they're shitty knock offs.
Howard said he has become an Apple guy and people are accusing him of being paid by them but he's not. He said he has nothing to gain by it.
Howard said he was going nuts last night with the computers. He said he was on the phone all night trying to get it fixed. He has shit he wants to do and he can't do it. Howard said he's like a maniac with this stuff and it has to work consistently. Robin said she's wasted days with her computers. She said she just gives up. She won't download anything or put new software on her computer.
Howard said he has Netflix on his TV now and he's loving that. Robin said she has it on her TiVo and she loves that. She has Vudu and On Demand too.
Howard said he was spending time taking pictures this weekend too. Robin said she's thinking about getting a camera too. She said she thinks that Fred should get one too and they should all be taking pictures. Howard said he can advise her on a camera. He said she really needs one because her pictures are pretty shitty from that phone she uses.
Howard said he gets obsessive with things but he doesn't think he's that way with the photography. He said he's been learning Photoshop and learning about white balance. He said it's not easy though. Howard said Robin could end up with no ability with the camera. He said he seems to be in heat with this technology.
Robin said that some people have things that just work and they get it. Howard said that's Jon Hein. He just got an iPhone and he must just sit around playing with it. He said he gets with it and needs someone to help him. He said he was very busy with the iPad the iMac and the iPhone. He's busy all the time.
Robin said some of her emails are disappearing so she has to figure out what's going on with that. Howard said he has to get less involved with his email. He said he's constantly checking that. Robin said there are some people who send really long emails and she doesn't have time to go all the way through them. She said sometimes she can't find them when she goes back to find them. Howard told her she has to mark it unread. Robin said she can't even find it in a search. Howard said ''Who gives a fuck?'' He said it's not easy to keep track of all of that.
Howard said people are fed up with Robin and her charity emails. He said he gets those emails and he gets annoyed. He said a lot of people don't like it.
Howard said this movie looks good. He said it's like before Medieval times and they have turned it into a Ghostbusters like thing. He said it's really fucking funny. Howard said that it will probably get one star but he would give it 4 stars. He said that there are dirty words and nudity and drug humor in it. He said he's guessing it'll get an R rating. He said that the movie was really good. He told Robin about some of the stuff in the movie and said it's really funny stuff.
Howard said he likes that Adrianne Curry Tweets pictures of herself. He said that she takes some odd pictures of other things but then she'll post one of herself half naked and it's a relief. He said he'd like to see her catalog of pictures. Robin said that's a waste of time. Howard said it's not for him. He said he likes that.
Howard said Steve Martin is very funny on Twitter. He said he seems to like what he's doing. Howard said he would like to say he's doing something on the show but people tell him he's doing commercials. He said he doesn't know what the wrong thing is. Robin said he should do what he wants to do. Howard said he can't do anything right on there.
Howard said he saw that Albert Brooks ended up joining Twitter. He said he wanted to follow Bubba but Bubba is always Tweeting about his products and his show. He said he's just using it for what he wants to use it for and that's what he'd like to do.
Howard said he's kind of turned off by the whole Twitter thing so he's taking some time off. He said he'll get back into it eventually.
Robin said she wanted to Tweet something about Elizabeth Taylor. She heard that in one scene they wanted her to pretend to make breakfast in a scene and they gave her a couple of eggs. She had no idea what to do with them.
Robin and Howard talked about they don't show any fat pictures of Elizabeth Taylor now that she's dead. They only show the thin Liz.
Howard said he went to his doctor last week and now he can't drink alcohol for 3 weeks. He said he was told he has liver issues. Howard said he went through all of this stuff with the doctor and the guy told him that his liver has some kind of issues but he doesn't know exactly what it is. He said that his number was 57 which was high on the scale. He said that the doctor said that it's really nothing but his liver may have been irritated by something. He said it may have been high from drinking the night before. He said he's been told not to drink for 3 weeks.
Howard said he isn't allowed to drink and they'll take more blood after that. He said that he isn't having a problem not drinking. He said he realizes he can't and he's just going with it. He said he likes drinking within moderation. Howard said he has two glasses a night on weekends. Robin said the only thing is that he likes to do it for a reason. He does it for comfort. Howard said he does it to loosen up. Robin said that's not good. She said it bothers her.
Howard said he figured everyone was doing it for that reason. Robin said they do but that doesn't make it right. She said she doesn't like the buzz she gets from alcohol. She said she doesn't even drink every weekend. She said she drinks during the week very rarely. She doesn't drink the stuff and she has to stop collecting it.
Robin said she remembers the wrap party for the movie and Howard got really wasted that night. She said she doesn't like to get really wasted. She said she likes the taste of wine and only drinks it with meals. She said she does it to a limit so she doesn't have an affect. Howard and Fred seemed to think that was a waste of time. Robin said wine is good with food and it enhances the taste. Fred said that's like saying that you don't fuck for anything other than procreation. Fred said drinking makes you happy. Robin said she doesn't drink anything else because she doesn't like the taste of it.
Howard said he was in a panic over his blood test. He said he was told not to drink anything for 3 weeks. He said it's probably back to normal already but he wants him to wait for 3 weeks to make sure it's not something serious.
Howard said he got the finger up his ass too and it was horrible. He said he was calling out his doctor's name while it was going on and it was just bad. He said it sounded very gay. Fred played a gay porn clip that sounded like what Howard was going through with his finger up the ass. Howard said it did sound like that. He said maybe his fingers got bigger.
Howard said he's definitely not gay and he's never going to take anything in his ass. He said he got that done and had the chest x-rays and all of that. He said they had him knees to chest on the table and then he had the doctor put his finger in there. He said he had the lube on his finger and then the finger when in and he turned the finger inside. He said he was like ''Oh Bob, Bob, Bob... Ohhhh...'' Fred played that porn clip again. Howard said he clenches and he can feel himself doing it. He said that he tries to breathe through his mouth.
Gary said he has to do this twice a year and the process is just like Howard says but he has to bend over the exam table and get it done. He said that's the way his doctor does it. Gary said it's the same thing and he has to pull his pants down. Gary said his doctor is his neighbor. He said the guy acts like they're just a couple of guys talking man talk. He said once he fingers his ass there's this moment where he hands you a box of tissues. Howard said his doctor wipes his ass. Howard said he pulls his pants up and he could feel the jelly dripping in his underpants. He said he was afraid of having drip marks in his pants. He said he went into the men's room and wiped up.
Gary said he had that done when he was in his 20s and he thought he had cleaned it up. He said he got home after walking through Central Park and had a rash from it in there.
The caller asked what happened to Mr. Methane. Howard asked Gary if he has heard about him lately. Gary said he lives in London and just hasn't heard from him in a long time. Howard said the guy was very talented. He said maybe he's not doing the show anymore. Howard said he wanted to put him on Broadway but maybe he had to get a real job. Howard said he thinks about the guy and he thinks about how disgusting it is. He said he figures that he's retired.
Howard said he's sure that act didn't make him any money had he may have had to hang up his tights. Robin said he probably could have done what Will the Farter does where he performs for gay guys on the internet. Fred said that his web site is still up. Howard said he'd love the know the real story of Mr. Methane. He would like him to come in there and talk about what it's really like to be Mr. Methane.
Robin brought up Pee Wee Herman and how odd that whole thing is. Howard said he saw some of that Broadway play he's doing and how the audience is really excited when they get to see the chair talking and stuff. He said he's really not that into Pee Wee. He said he liked his movie but sitting through a whole show is kind of annoying. He said it's really not funny though. He said it's really disturbing that he's older now and still doing that character. Robin said it is very obvious he has a lot of make up on and he's gotten bigger. Gary said he did that same show back in 1984 and they have like 3 new jokes. That's about it. Howard said it looks very creepy. Gary said it looks a lot creepy.
Howard said he did a Rolling Stone article and it seems like he got framed for a lot of the weirdness that was going on. He said they busted his balls over nothing. He said the whole masturbation in the movie theater thing he says just didn't happen. He said that if it didn't happen the guy is fucked.
Howard said he's really not into Pee Wee. He said he never watched the TV show all the way through. He said he liked the movie but not the TV show. Fred said his daughter liked the show. He said she liked the talking chair and the talking computer and stuff like that.
Another caller said he uses Photoshop and he could help Howard figure it out. He said he's been using it for 15 years and he still doesn't know what's going on with it. Howard wondered how he could help if he doesn't get it. The guy said he uses it for a lot of things and he can do a lot of stuff with it. Howard said he has touched up some photos and they look pretty cool. He said he was very proud of himself for doing that.
Howard said he made a card on his computer and put some personal stuff in it. He said Beth saw him doing that too and she helped. He said he loves when that stuff works right. He said it gives him satisfaction when things like that work out.
Howard played more of the audio and Derek was asking what was going on and the guy was very serious and not speaking too loud. He didn't want to interrupt the game. Then cheers erupted for a 981,500 score. Howard said the sound from the game was annoying. He wondered if that could be silenced. Robin said that's apparently part of the addiction to the games.
Derek was asking the guy if he had ever seen a kill screen. The guy had to explain what that was to Derek and said he had never seen one but just missed one once. The guy told Derek that there had only been one that day.
Derek asked another guy what he was doing there. The guy said he was ''running merch'' all day. Derek talked to the guy and asked if he would shit his pants to keep going for a kill screen. The guy said that he probably would if he was close to getting the kill screen. He said it's kind of humiliating to say but he did admit to it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song in his own, unique way. Howard said that was some good stuff. He said he had a clip of a guy being a douche bag during a soccer game in New Jersey. They had a moment of silence for the people of Japan and this guy just starts yelling out stuff. The guy was yelling out ''U.S.A.!'' and ''Konichiwa, bitches!'' Howard said people can't be quiet at all.
Howard had a clip of a news anchor saying ''cock.'' He played that clip and the anchor was talking about some desert she was making and said it goes well with ''cock... er, coffee...''
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news headlines. Lisa came in and said they have a story about JD going to the dentist on Friday. She said he hadn't been to the dentist in 5 years. The dentist found 5 cavities. It's going to run him about $1,000 for the fillings and he will need deep gum cleaning too. Howard said they have insurance there so why does it cost so much. Lisa said he'll have to ask JD what's going on with that. Howard said insurance is such a bunch of bullshit. He asked JD to come in and tell him what's up with the insurance.
Howard told JD that he looked good and it looks like they scraped a ton of crap off his teeth. JD said he didn't have anything done. He just went in for a consultation. JD said he has the whole sheet rundown of what the insurance is going to cover. He said they only cover a certain amount. Robin asked if there's a deductible. JD doesn't know. He just said ''I guess.'' He said the insurance only covers two cleanings a year.
Richard came in and said that their insurance doesn't cover much. He said he just had to pay $1,000 for a root canal. He said cleanings are okay but anything beyond that is barely covered. Howard said Richard learned his lesson years ago. Richard said JD could get dentures and not worry anymore. Richard said his dad has it made. He just washes his teeth in the sink. He said it looks so much easier than working on your own teeth.
JD said they want to take out his wisdom teeth too. Howard told him not to bother when he heard it would be another 2 grand. Howard said they had to leave in one of his wisdom teeth because they weren't able to get it out. Richard had the same problem.
Howard said his mother refused to bring him to the orthodontist when he was a kid. Now he's suffering with his bad teeth. He did his impression of his mother talking about how they didn't need to do all of this cosmetic work. Howard said his whole family has shitty teeth. He said he's the only one worried about his appearance. Robin said that bad bites can cause many problems. Howard said his lower teeth drive into his upper teeth and his two front teeth are dead now from that. He said his mother isn't into anything like this and she's afraid that doctors and dentists are going to kill you.
Howard did his impression of Richard's dad talking about dentists and knowing someone who went to one and died. Howard asked how the guy is so out of it and where he came from. Richard said he's really not that out of it. He said his dad knew someone who went in for a root canal that went wrong or something. He said his dad is worried that he's so far from home, that's all.
Howard had some fun goofing on Richard's dad for a minute. He had him talking about going to eat some road kill after talking about how scary the dentist can be.
Howard said he gets fucked over after his mother wouldn't let him get Novocain. He said that she would make him get cavities filled with no pain killer. He said she just wouldn't allow it. Howard said he would have to raise his hand when the pain got to be too bad. Howard said he was brainwashed totally. He said she would tell him how smart he was for not taking the Novocain. He said she'd sit in the car popping aspirin before the dentist but she wouldn't let him take any of that. Howard said he would never cry or scream, he'd just take it. Howard said he was numb to the world as a kid. Robin asked if he's phobic about the pain now. Howard said he finds it fun now. He said he can fall asleep in the chair now. He said he has no phobia at all about it.
Howard joked about how being in Vietnam helped him get through that stuff. He said this weekend he saw the show ''Baggage'' thanks to the people over there at the show. He said he talked about his parents watching the show and they sent over a bunch of copies for him to watch. Howard said he talked to his mom about that and she was telling him about when they watch. Howard said he already knew the story but she told him anyway. He said she was telling him that they're soul mates too. He said that was kind of creepy.
JD said there's a lot of ''sexualness'' in that show Baggage. Howard said it's called sexuality, not sexualness. JD said he was surprised that his parents would watch that.
Howard talked about what they do on the show and how they do things on the show. Howard said one guy was a cross dresser. The girl on the show said she didn't care and she would still go out with the guy. Howard said they were nice looking people though so that's probably why. Howard said the baggage starts out small but it can get worse. He said they might smoke at the dinner table but then it might turn out that a chick dates NBA basketball players. JD said one was that a woman poisoned her ex-boyfriend for cheating on her.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad talking about wisdom teeth getting pulled and told Richard to avoid it if he could. He said he wouldn't want him missing out on work for that.
Howard asked JD what he was saying about the insurance. JD said he has to do it but he won't get his wisdom teeth pulled. He said they're going to do the cavities thing and the deep cleaning thing. He said the cavities are above the enamel so they're not hurting him.
Howard said he'd rather see Dentist spend money on the dentist than on the stripper whores. He said he heard he got a tax refund of $500 and he gave it all to a stripper.
Lisa got back to the news and said that Will Murray and his wife are expecting a baby boy this August. Howard sounded like he hadn't heard the news. He wished Will luck with that.
Lisa said they were on the red carpet for an event... Howard said he was distracted thinking about how Will's live is going to change now. He said he had better get ready. Lisa said that Jon Hein has been telling him that he's never going to get any sleep. Gary said they were telling him that he won't get any sleep and he won't have to worry about his new commute when he moves because he'll be up all night anyway.
Howard said that Will is going to be in for a big surprise when the wife makes him do the shopping and asks him to do other stuff like that. Will came in and talked about that for a minute with Howard. Howard wished him luck with all of that.
Lisa said they were out at a Comedy Central awards show and they were outside of the press tent. Howard said they shouldn't even go over there. He said they should just say fuck them and forget it. He said they really have to just not do that if they're going to treat them like shit.
Howard said he has gotten into this photography thing and it's really a lot of effort to carry it all around. Howard said he doesn't know what to do about carrying all of that stuff around. He said he can't bring it all with him all the time. He said he has lenses and all of this stuff to bring and he can't carry it all everywhere he goes.
Howard said he has two lenses and he's not even sure when to change them. He said he just learned about taking the hood off his lens. He said everything is like a 5 hour set up for him. He said he's not sure if Robin should get started in all of this or not. He said he went out walking and he didn't know what to take pictures of. He said he got some great shots of Beth. He had one in her panties on his iPhone and he was going to Tweet it but it tells the location of where you are. He said he didn't want everyone knowing where he was.
Howard said someone told him that they can't tell where the picture was from but he didn't do it. He said he took that picture of her in her panties and she complains the whole time. Howard said he took some pictures of his cat and dog. He said the dog doesn't like something being pointed at her. He said the cats like it but he's taken like 9 million of them.
Howard said he didn't know what to take pictures of so the teacher told him to just go out walking and the pictures would come to him. Howard said he did that and nothing happened. He said nothing came to him at all. Nothing.
He said he took some pictures of some birds in a tree and no one is going to care about that. Howard said there were no people around and they were just regular people. Howard said he looks at architecture and doesn't think anyone cares.
Howard said Chris Booker asked him to take a picture of a microphone so he can put it in his house. Howard said he was going to do that but his teacher told him he's not ready to do that yet. Howard said he has to do all kinds of set up for that so he doesn't think he's ready yet. Howard said he'd like to take pictures of Sal and Richard doing the gay stuff. Maybe he'll take a shot of Sal's cock as a microphone and send that to Booker instead.
Howard said he'd like to take pictures of the girls they have come in there. He said he's busy working though.
Sal came in and said he'll do the cock thing with Booker. Howard said he should do it now. He had Sal pose for him and took a shot with his iPhone. Howard said he doesn't want a picture of Sal's cock in his iPhone but he'll do it anyway. Howard took a shot as Fred played an Eminem song. Howard took a few shots and told Sal how to pose. He said it wasn't going to work and just deleted the shots. Howard showed Sal the shot of Beth he had in the phone. He asked Sal if he knows if the location comes out on the picture. Sal didn't know. Howard said he doesn't know either. Sal said Jon Hein should know.
Howard said that was his photography. He said he has to do that Hamptons Magazine shoot this summer too. He has no idea what he's doing though.
Riley still thinks that he's giving out information to people. Robin said all she hears him doing is giving shout outs to people. Riley said she'd know he does more than that if she listened. He called her a bitch during that little rant.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with the app. He said he thinks that they should end the call. Riley went off on Robin and Howard in a very calm way. Howard told Riley he should get a different job if he feels he's being disadvantaged there. Riley said he thinks that they'd show him some respect after being there so long. Howard said they're not going to pay him more than he's being paid so if he doesn't like it he should go find another job.
Howard said that Riley should stop worrying about how much he makes and go out and get another job. He said this job is no good so he should quit and go do something else with his life. Riley said he will do that ''...none the less...'' Howard said they're the only ones paying him to do anything. Riley doesn't like how Robin puts him down. Robin said she thinks that he could be a great radio guy if he didn't complain about this stuff all the time.
Howard let Riley get in some more plugs for his apps. You can find iRileyMartin on iTunes and on Android.
Howard said this Jennifer Lopez is the worst. He said she's gorgeous and he loves looking at her but when she opens her mouth he wants to kill himself. He said her husband was on the show and he came on looking kind of skuzzy. He said he offered the kids some help and he told them that they should be able to hear themselves on stage. He got them to do that and the kids started to sing on key. The guy actually did something right and helped them out. He said that J-Lo told that kid that they saved that he had to ''feel the notes'' and stuff. Howard said that she can't even do that. Howard and Gary goofed on her about that and said that she doubles up her voice.
Gary asked Howard who he thinks is going to win. Howard said he thinks the kid who sings country is going to win. He said he's an odd kid but it's country music and country people will buy a CD. He said he's the only one who could have a career.
Gary said his favorite guy to watch is that black guy. Howard said he's guessing that he's gay but he's not sure. They talked about how that gay, black and singing thing goes hand in hand. The guys spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he heard that Paula Abdul had Michael Bolton as a babysitter when she was a kid. She hates him because he wouldn't pay any attention to her when she was a kid. Howard said he can't imagine hiring a guy who sings to baby sit your daughter. Howard said that's weird in itself.
Howard said Steve Martin was on David Letterman's show talking about how Atheists have no songs so he came up with one himself. Howard said the guy is a genius. He said he performed that song on Letterman. Howard said speaking of geniuses Yucko the Clown is there. He said he'd get to him in a minute. He had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and sang to the last few seconds of the song. He had Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com) come in after that. Howard said he's a dirty, filthy clown who is literally dirty and filthy. Howard played some of Yucko's St. Patrick's Day parade interviews before getting to him.
After playing the clip Howard talked to Yucko about all of the fatties he was interviewing at the parade. Yucko said everyone is getting fat these days. Howard asked Yucko if he ever meets people he looks up to and feels like crap when he's in the clown outfit. Yucko said he met Gilbert Gottfried once and he was in his clown outfit.
Howard asked if he feels trapped as the clown in the make up all the time. Yucko said the grease paint feels wonderful. He said it takes about a half hour to put the make up on. He said that he figured out how to do it by trial and error.
Howard asked Yucko about his insulting style of comedy and talked about how he went and interviewed some people at the Masters in Augusta, Georgia. He played some clips of those interviews. Yucko was insulting everyone he was talking to asking them about Tiger Woods and cheating on his wife. In that one he said to one woman ''Aren't you precious...'' but he meant the chick who played Precious in the movie. He goofed around with a bunch of other people.
After playing those clips Howard asked if anyone ever hunts him down after insulting people. Yucko said he had one black chick in New Orleans who grabbed his face and tried to pull it off. He said for the most part he doesn't have a problem. He said they spend about half a day doing interviews and edit down that stuff to the shorter clip.
Howard said the computer girl in Artie's chair had something to say to Yucko. Fred had her say that he was the hackiest comedian she's ever heard. Yucko said he doesn't have to take this shit. Fred had her saying that if she had bad material like that she'd be hiding in make up too.
Howard gave Yucko a plug for an appearance he's making with Beetlejuice up in Vermont tonight. Yucko said they're going to a steak house to sign autographs. They're not even doing a show. He said they've been there before and did a stand up show. This time they're just signing autographs.
Howard asked Yucko what his dream was when he got into comedy. Yucko said he went to college and he majored in Art. He said that obviously paid off. Howard asked if he had a dream at some point. Yucko said he had the dream to be a Phil Hartman on SNL. Howard asked if he ever got close to that. He said he did have a TV show on MTV2. That got canceled. He said that was a bigger heart break than his marriage.
Howard said he heard that he's still moping around about the marriage. Yucko said she's the one who wants to get back with him. He said he's not going for that though.
Howard asked Yucko about what he found out about her. He said he found that she was sending pictures to other comedians. He said he found out that she was sending pictures of her tits to Don Jamieson. He said that they looked remarkably like her's but she claimed they were a friend's. Yucko said that Don did say they were nice but he doesn't want to promote that cock sucker.
Howard asked Yucko about going to marriage therapy with her. Yucko said they went once a month for 3 months. He said they were in therapy and the therapist was saying that he was misogynistic. He said he can't believe that. He asked Robin ''how about massagin' this dick...''
Howard asked Yucko about the therapist and Yucko was saying that she looked kind of like Lisa G with short hair. He said she was all against him doing his act and stuff like that. He said she was also talking about there being reincarnation and things like that.
Yucko thought that Robin had said she liked him once. She was picking him as the hottest out of the Wack Pack. Robin said she would never go out with him. Robin said it might be his brand of comedy. She said that she doesn't think she could date anyone who does that. Howard said maybe she would date him if he was wearing his make up. Robin said she would love to sit across the table from him in his make up.
Howard asked Yucko what he thinks about Gilbert Gottfried and his jokes about the Japanese. Yucko has no problem with them and he has made some himself. He said that he has done the same thing but he doesn't get anyone complaining about him. Yucko said he's jealous and envious of Gilbert right now. He said he'd like to be doing the same thing. Howard told Yucko he should be auditioning to be the Aflac duck.
Howard asked Yucko if he's dating anyone. Gary said he told Will he's not ready to date yet. Yucko said he told him he's not ready for a long relationship type of thing. He said he doesn't need a yappy cunt in his ear all day. He said he wasted so much time on his wife. He said he found out she was Bi too. Howard asked what's wrong with that. Yucko said she was like ''buy me a ring, buy me a car, buy me a house...''
Howard asked what Yucko bought for this chick. Yucko said that he bought her a time share in Maui. He said he can use it 7 days a year. He said he has it right on the ocean front. Fred had the computer girl saying more stuff but Howard told her to stop because she's breaking the flow of the show. He said she's got to say something funny.
Howard said that Yucko got this time share so he asked hat he has to pay. He said it's $395 a month. He said he has maintenance fees and stuff too. He said he only gets to use it 7 days a year. for that $395 a month. He said he was so stupid with that.
Howard asked how long he's locked into that. Yucko said it's probably 80 years. He said it's such a scam and a racket. He said no one is going to buy that crap from him. He said the apartment is one bedroom with a pull out. Howard asked if they pay for food or anything. Yucko said ''fuck no'' to that.
Yucko said he took some friends out there and his friend proposed to his girl there and it made him want to die. Howard said he could go on a really luxurious vacation for $12,000 a year. Yucko said he knows that.
Howard asked if he lays out on the beach in his costume. Yucko said he just stands there jackin' off while everyone is there as a couple.
Howard asked when he gets to go out there. Yucko said they have black out dates and he can't go whenever he feels like it. He said he gets to go during rainy season. Howard asked if he gets to go in December. Yucko said he does. Howard asked if he makes $12,000 a year. Yucko said he doesn't make a lot so he could lose it. He said he can't wait.
Howard gave Yucko some more plugs for this appearance he's making. He also gave him some plugs for the Damn Show DVDs and the Yucko Insult-o-Matic app that's available in the app store. Howard said you can follow him on Twitter @yuckotheclown
Howard said Yucko thinks that Gary won't book him when he goofs on him. Gary said that's just not true. He said he's not keeping him off the show. Yucko thinks that he is. Gary said no one is keeping him off the show himself by not being funny enough. Yucko thinks that he pissed him off with some jokes he said about him and he ended up putting him with Will to get on the show. Gary said that's right and Will didn't think he was funny enough to be on more often.
Gary asked Howard if he's keeping Yucko off the show. Howard said yes but then he said he gets mad when he does put Yucko on the show.
Howard said Richie Wilson is afraid of Yucko too. Yucko said he thinks that he got upset with him when he showed him some pictures of Gary playing Solitaire. He used his name when he was goofing on Gary so Richie backed off of him.
Richie came in and said he's not afraid of Yucko. He said that he had to back off of Yucko because he wasn't in the right state of mind after the divorce thing. He said that he used to text him asking if he was mentioned in their meeting so he backed off because he was kind of in a bad way. He said he does love Yucko as a person though. Yucko goofed on Richie about his girlfriend, Rachel Fine, and that led to Howard asking how that's going. Richie said she just moved in last week and everything is going good. He said he even had the talk with her dad. Howard asked how this all came about. Richie has been going to therapy so that's been helping out a lot.
Howard asked Yucko if he's jealous that Richie can connect to women and he can't. Yucko wasn't bothered by that at all.
Howard said Yucko and Richie are done. Richie said he's very fond of Yucko. He's not done with him. He said that Yucko does seem to like dragging people down with him when he's crashing and burning. Gary said Richie did tell him that he didn't give Yucko the information from the show. Richie said he never had that conversation with Gary. Yucko said it's just a show so get over it. Gary said he should get over not being booked if it's just a show.
Gary and Yucko went back and forth with that for a minute. Yucko said he's back and Gary is just a piece of monkey shit. He said he should be pitching in the Special Olympics. He told Gary to just get over it. Richie said that's the Yucko he likes. He said he's going to be friends with him again.
Howard said Yucko is on his way to Vermont tonight to sign autographs at the Wobbly Barn. He gave him plugs for his DVDs and for the Yucko app.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said Yucko is a nice man and he has to wake up. Howard asked if she has any friends she could set him up with. Mariann didn't have anyone.
Howard said he wishes him luck with everything. Yucko said he had a Rolling Stone he wanted to get autographed. He wondered how they fit his nose on the cover with the smaller format of the magazine. Robin said she should have seen that joke coming from a mile away. Howard said he thinks this is the year of the racist clown. He wished him luck with the time share and told him to enjoy himself come December. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Patti Davis Reagan wrote a great article for Time Magazine. He said he can't agree with this more. She wrote about John Hinkley and how he spends part of the year as a free man. Howard said the guy shot the president. He also shot a few other people that day and this guy Brady took a bullet in the head. He said he's been handicapped since then. Howard said Patty wrote that Hinkley gets to go out to bowl and to the beach and he has a job in a library. He has also had relationships with women while in jail too. Howard said he just wanted people to hear what his life is like now. He gets to leave the grounds of the place he's imprisoned in. He gets to visit his mother and gets to go away for 10 days at a time 12 times a year. Howard said the guy shot the president and this was fantastic for him. He gets to do everything he wants to do. Howard said there is no downside.
Howard said that James Brady is spending the rest of his life suffering while this is out doing whatever he wants. Howard said that James Brady wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. Howard said Hinkley ruined the guy's life. Howard said if he was James Brady and had to live with this knowledge of what this guy gets to do he'd want the guy to go to regular prison and not some mental institution.
Howard and Gary talked about how they have to call the guys who were shot whenever Hinkley is out just so they know.
Howard said there's a guy at HBO who just enlisted in the army. He said that the guy was in charge of the whole sports department over there and he's going to be going over to Afghanistan any day now. Howard read the story and said this is amazing. He said the guy wants to pay back his country by putting in his time. Howard said the dude is leaving for two years to serve his country. Robin said he should be checked out because it sounds like he's out of his mind. Howard said he actually did. He was asked to go to a therapist to make sure he was in the right state of mind.
Howard said he was feeling bad for Katy Perry. Her mother is out shopping a book and it's all about her daughter and how she doesn't approve of her career. Howard said that's a very selfish mother. He said she must have major headaches from her mother. Howard said Katy was in there years ago and she had noting bad to say about the family but he'd be livid if they did that to him.
Jon ran down more stuff for today's show and that led to Howard and Robin talking about the wine discussion they had earlier in the morning. Howard said she's got to be full of it when she says she doesn't get buzzed when she drinks. Robin said that's bull crap and she wasn't buzzed the time he was talking about.
Robin read a story about how listening to your favorite music may lower your blood pressure. She said that's according to some study that was done.
Robin read a story about people who can be suffering from Facebook depression. She said that a study was done about how teens can be suffering from the pressures of social media when they can't get a hold of their friends on sites like Facebook.
Robin read about a Hamptons detective who is running different companies and making millions. Robin said they say that he can't possibly have enough time to be doing that and doing his detective job. Robin said they're checking into what he's up to. Robin read about the other stuff the guy does and how he's been trying to get a promotion and had to sue the city.
Howard said his mother told him she didn't read his Rolling Stone article yet. Howard said he doesn't have that many to give out anyway. Howard said he doesn't need them reading it anyway. Howard said they won't have a problem with it but who cares. He said the time to pay attention to him was when he was living in Roosevelt and his friends moved away.
Howard said there's a special on Comedy Central about Greg Giraldo and it was really good. He said they had him on the show a couple of times and the guy was very funny and brilliant. He went to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read about why water on Mars would be so important for space travel. Robin said they could use water to power the space craft eventually. Howard said he thinks that a water powered car would be fantastic. He said this was his idea. Robin read some more details of the story and spent a few minutes talking to Howard about that. Howard said that Apple should be working on a car. They do so well with computers and other things they should try a car.
Robin read about how some radiation is apparently coming over from Japan and they've found some radioactivity in Massachusetts. Robin said they say that it's not high levels and it's not something to worry about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a great idea for a game. He said he was going to give celebrity names and Howard had to guess how they killed themselves. The guy gave him a few names and Howard knew one of them. He didn't know that the woman who played Auntie Em in the Wizard of Oz had killed herself. Howard said he thought a house fell on her. She actually suffocated herself with a plastic bag. Actor Alan Ladd was one name that came up. Howard didn't know the answer. The caller said he died of an overdose. Howard said this game was flawed because no one cares about these people.
Howard played his own game with Owen Wilson and Artie asking how they almost killed themselves. Howard said those were the only two who he knew that almost killed themselves.
Robin got back to her news and read about how the Hispanic population in this country is getting to be bigger and bigger. Howard said they have very big families for the most part.
Howard said Geraldine Ferraro died over the weekend. He said she did in that Walter Mondale. He said she knew what she was getting into and she knew there was stuff going on. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was supposed to be Walter Mondale on the line. He was singing an Alan Parsons song. Howard said that was very obscure and no one wants to hear it. He tried to interrupt but Sour Shoes couldn't hear him. He hung up on him.
Howard did a live commercial for the Loaded Questions game. They played a game where they asked what's something that makes you laugh all the time. Everyone wrote down an answer and Gary came in and gave the answers. Robin and Howard both said ''farts.'' Howard said he never would have gotten that. Fred said it was ''Blazing Saddles.'' Benjy said ''Howard'' makes him laugh.
Robin got back to her news and read about Geraldine Ferraro's death and gave the details about that.
Robin read about cruise ship accidents and how people just vanish from the ships. Robin said it's not clear what's going on and if people are doing it on purpose or if people are falling off. Howard said they're going to have to put a wire mesh on the ships to keep people from falling off. Robin said there's a missing 24 year old right now and the family just wants to know what happened. Howard said they don't know and it could have been someone tossing her over the side for all they know. Now the family's life is ruined. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how President Obama is going to be giving an update on what's going on in Libya tonight. Howard said we keep getting sucked into war after war.
Robin read through some more stories and had one about some kids who are being charged with robbery and theft after taking money from another kid in school.
Robin read about how Chris Brown is looking for a new publicist after what went on at Good Morning America. Howard said the guy seems like a really scary dude. He said he'd step away from him too.
Robin read a story about how Hall and Oates are going to be inducted into some TV Land hall of fame thing and that led to Howard and Fred goofing on Gary about his music tastes for a few minutes. They were doing impressions of Gary goofing on him about that.
Robin read a story about how bone marrow transplants aren't easy to find in your own family so that's why they have a national bone marrow donor list. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how you can get on the donor list.
Robin read her daily nutrition story and had one about how eating healthy can make you want to work out more.
Robin read a story about the movie ''Source Code'' that's coming out soon. She had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin read about the movie ''Diary of a Wimpy Kid'' and how that beat out ''Sucker Punch.''
Robin read about how George H. W. Bush is going to be honored in a special on NBC tonight. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about a cobra that escaped from the Bronx Zoo. She also read about how Lindsay Lohan wants to drop her last name and just be known as ''Lindsay.'' Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said he wants to talk about what Robin said about her drinking and how she drinks for the taste and not to get buzzed. Jon asked if Gary is calling bullshit on that. Gary said he thinks they all are. Gary said she might like the taste of wine and that it goes well with food but people drink to get buzzed. Jon said it came as a surprise to him too. Gary said it relaxes you. Jon played a clip of Robin talking about that.
After the clip the guys were talking about how Robin thinks that Howard might need the booze to get him into that mode where he's comfortable with people. Robin seemed to think that Howard needed that but she doesn't. Gary said he's been to parties where he's the only sober one at the party and he noticed how loud people get and how they spit in your face but he didn't feel bad for them. It's just different.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't drink to get drunk. He said he likes a taste of wine. Gary asked him what percentage of people who drink do it like he does. Gary said it's probably 1 percent. The caller said he thinks that you don't have to get drunk but it's fine to drink. Benjy said the argument was that Robin isn't into the effect. The caller said he's not either. The guy said he used to smoke weed and stuff and he just did it to learn and to understand something. Gary said that sounds very pompous to him. He said it's kind of crazy to say that someone is taking drugs inappropriately. The caller said you don't have to do something to the extreme. Jon said that's kind of what Robin seemed to be saying.
Benjy said he hates the taste of beer but there are people who will drink non-alcoholic beer. Gary said that's a whole other thing. He said he wouldn't drink beer unless he wanted to get drunk. They had to take a break after that.
Gary said that Yucko was going through a rough time for a while there and he was in a bad place. He said it just wasn't funny and they didn't want to have him on for a while. He said he thinks that he's still depressed but he'll find someone eventually.
Benjy asked if the person who bad mouthed him is going to be on the show. Gary said he will not but it's not because of what that person said about him. He said he's not just trying to keep that person off the show.
Jon asked what went wrong with the ''computer girl in the Artie chair'' today. Gary said they wanted to be able to have Richard and Sal do this along with Benjy and Fred. He said Sal and Richard were doing it without dropping a note to Howard so it wasn't working. Then the lines just weren't funny so it didn't work. He said they'll figure out a better way to do it in their meeting tomorrow.
Jon asked Benjy why he was having such a hard time talking to Howard about what was going on. Benjy said it was the way he was asking about the lines that screwed him up. He said he thinks that it worked well in a conversational way. He said they might be able to have different accents for each person so they could separate them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Gary feels the need to sabotage Yucko every time he comes in. Gary said he doesn't. Gary said Yucko came at him and he just shot back at Yucko. The caller said he feels like Gary always goes to the ''you're not funny'' thing every time. Gary said Yucko started it, that's why he did that. He said not that many guests fuck with him like Yucko does. The caller said he seems to instantly go to that with him though. Gary said they fuck with people on the show and it's funny. The caller said he understands. Jon asked if he thinks Yucko sounded depressed this morning. The caller said he sounded like he's gotten his spark back. He liked it.
Sal and Richard came in and said that it was a misunderstanding with the Computer Girl thing this morning. Sal said they had some good jokes but then with the third one they stepped on the conversation. He said that didn't go very well. Sal said they knew the fader was up so they got excited and tried to slip one in. Their timing was off. He said they nose dived it on that one. Sal said Howard killed the fader and then another joke came out and that flipped Howard out again. Benjy said that was the end of it but they were making it sound like there was an unknown one.
Gary asked if they were being spontaneous. Sal said they were, but only to a certain extent. They were cutting and pasting the lines into the computer and then they would play them for Howard. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary was also talking about how big of a change it was when they had kids. He said that things got really hard and they were going to be mobile parents but it turned out they were stuck in the house for like 8 months. Jon said the first year is the toughest part. Gary said it really is. He said the worst he ever had was when he went to Florida and they brought all of this stuff with him and he ended up soaked from running and sweating. He said it just wasn't a vacation when they were doing that.
Richard was saying that he went to see some movies that were rated R and people bring their kids to see that stuff. Gary asked if he's going to have kids. Richard said maybe one day they will but they like traveling so they're not ready right now. He said they want to see the world while they can. Benjy said he used to say he would never have kids. Richard said things change. He said he wasn't in a relationship back then.
Jon said that Richard has changed a lot. He looks a lot different and he's doing a lot of new things. Richard said he still loves doing wild things. He said that he appreciates taking care of his body now. He said getting the gout was the worst. He figured he had to clean his act up so that's why he's been doing this stuff. He said he's just trying to take better care of himself.
Jon asked Sal about pulling his cock out for Howard to photograph today. Sal said he and Howard decided to take a picture and send it to Booker. Richard said he and Sal came up with that idea together.
Jon took a call from a guy who said ''fuck Yucko'' and said that he's just not funny. He said he's disrespectful when it comes to him mentioning his brother and things like that. That led into Gary talking about how he got into a time share thing once and he backed out of it before he got sucked into it completely. He said he ripped up the paperwork before the signed off on it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about what time it was and how his eyes will roll back in his head and in 4 hours he'll be done. He said he was up at 2 in the morning again. He fell asleep around 3:15 for a little while. He said he can't keep up with this schedule. He said it's crazy. He was getting upset with his computer equipment again.
Robin said she got some Apple computers for herself. She said she got a big laptop and a couple of small ones. She said that she thinks she got the right stuff. Howard said it sounds like too much to him. Robin said it should be fine. Robin said she got a DVD drive to go with the small laptops so she can watch DVDs. Robin said Jeff told her to play with the stuff last night. She said she got all of that stuff working and then she wasn't able to get on the internet again. She said she couldn't get iTunes to work either.
Howard said he keeps deleting pictures and they keep coming back. He said he got on iTunes and bought some videos. He said he got the TV series ''Walking Dead'' so he'll watch that on his iPad on the flight out to California. Howard said he was downloading video podcasts and stuff too. Robin said she tried playing stuff in iTunes and it wasn't working.
Howard said she's doing like he's doing and trying to learn everything at once. He said they're catching up. He said he was trying to sync stuff up between his devices and it's just too much.
Robin asked what he uses for a word processing program. Howard said he doesn't use one. Gary told her to use Microsoft Office. He said it's great on Apple. Fred said that Pages is also good. Howard said if he was writing a book he'd want something like that. Robin said she writes her Huffington Post articles in Word.
Howard said he's been using Camera Plus for his camera. He told Robin not to get started with that. Robin said she didn't get an iPhone yet. She said Jeff told her to slow down and not get too much stuff. Howard told Robin she should get that phone. He said it's great. Howard said she should go get one right now and he'll hold down the fort.
Gary told Robin to wait for the new iPhone that will be out in June. Howard told him he's going to handle this so calm down. Howard told Robin not to get the AT&T iPhone. He told her to get the Verizon phone.
Howard said he was talking to his parents about the Rolling Stone magazine and how where were two covers. He said it was so complicated to try and explain to his dad about which one he has. Howard said he was going back and forth trying to let them know about the different covers they have on the magazine. Howard said his dad had to adjust his hearing aid in the middle of the conversation. They hadn't even read the article yet. They just called to let him know they got the magazine.
Howard said he's pretty sure they won't like the article. He said he talks about how great they are but he also said some stuff they may not like. Robin said he talks about how they taught him not to fool around so he gets right to the point.
Howard said he read an article about what you can learn from Howard Stern in business. One of the things was to edit a story and get to the point. He said that's what his dad will think is a good thing. Howard said his dad will think that it was good to teach him to do things like that.
Howard said his mom used to tell him about how her side of the family had the sense of humor and things like that. He said he's not really a Stern, he's more on the Shiffman side of the family. He said he's not sure if she's saying that her dad isn't fun or what. She seems to think that the Stern side is very straight. The Shiffman side is shtick. Howard did his impression of his mom talking to him about that.
Howard said he was very proud of what his mom would tell him. He said he was very confused by it though. She'd tell him that she had the shtick on her side and the Stern side was very straight. She'd tell him that he told stories like her side of the family. He said it was very heady stuff to him.
Howard said his mother would say they were the showbiz side of the family. He said he had to get out and go find his own way. He would start to think that he was in show business and that he was going to go out and make a lot of money. He said his dad would tell him he never made any money and he didn't think he'd be a celebrity. He did his father's impression and had him yelling at himself about getting into show business.
Howard said he thinks his dad tried to speak like an announcer but he had that accent. He would try to be proper but that New York accent would come out with it. He thinks his dad thought he was an announcer and he was sounding sophisticated. He worked with a bunch of people like that so he thought he was one of them.
Howard said he's trying to learn the Apple stuff and Photoshop so Ralph told him to drop the Photoshop thing and just learn the computer thing first. Howard said he told Ralph not to worry about it, he can handle it. Robin said Ralph didn't go to college so he doesn't know that you learn many different things at once there. That's what Howard is doing.
Howard said the boys made a new phony phone call. He said it doesn't really need any explanation. He played the clip and this guy on Live and Local show took a call from Richard who gave him a cancellation announcement for a Circle Jerk get together. He said that was going to be postponed. The host had no idea what he was talking about. Then Richard told the guy his father taught him how to pump off in a snow storm once. Howard said the host doesn't listen to what any of the callers are saying. He played more of that and one caller couldn't believe that he didn't know what a circle jerk was. Then Sal called in and said there's nothing better than warm jizz on a cold morning. Howard said the host just went along with whatever they said on that show.
Howard said Grillo wanted to be an actor and he had his dreams dashed. He said Grillo was upset with Ralph the last time he was in there. He was upset that he ''stole'' John Stamos from him. Howard said he heard that Grillo ran into Stamos somewhere and he told him about his ''sizzle reel'' that he wanted to send to him. Howard said Grillo is always looking for something. He said John ran for the hills. He said he could just say he has a reel of his appearances but he has to call it a ''zizzle'' reel.
Gary said he heard from JD that half of the sizzle reel is from this show. Howard said they should show that on Howard TV. Howard told Doug to get to work on that. Doug said they'll get on that. Howard asked when they're going to be doing the behind the scenes specials. Doug said they'll be ready in May if they're all in sync there.
Robin asked about JD's office and if it's still smelling okay. Howard said it is and he thinks it could have been his breath. He said breath can be a very powerful thing.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a woman using Steve Grillo audio clips. Then he played more of High Pitch Eric's voice mail message audio. Howard wondered what's going on with his saliva. He said it's vile. That led to Fred playing a Dominic Barbara clip where he was all phlegmy.
Howard said he got a new voice mail from Jeff the Vomit Guy. He played that and Jeff wrote a poem about vomiting. Howard was grossed out by the voice mail. He said he was vile and gross too. Robin said there is nothing appealing about Jeff. Howard said he hears his pigeons in the background and he feels bad for him too.
Howard asked Gary how he has time for all of this. Gary said that he has weekends to do things. Howard asked why he's not just chilling out. Gary said this stuff he's doing is chilling out for him. Howard said he hired Gary so he would have free time and he doesn't even have that much time for his own hobby. Gary said he's not coaching anymore either. He said Jackson is on the high school team now so he's not coaching that.
Howard thought Gary was coaching at the school. Gary said he coached the town team. Howard said he thought he was volunteering at the school. Gary said no one does that. He said it's just not true. Howard said he knows people who do it so it is true. Howard said this isn't high school. Howard and Gary went back and forth with that for a minute.
Howard said Gary is constantly coaching and he doesn't know how he has the time to do this. He said he should have him so busy that he doesn't get home until 9 or so. Gary said he leaves there around 2 or 3. Howard said that's reasonable.
Gary said the iPhone 5 is coming out this summer and it's the next generation of iPhone. Howard said Robin can get the 4 and get the 5 when it comes out. He said she can afford that. Howard told Gary not to start advising her on that stuff. He said if they wait until that phone comes out it's ridiculous. Howard said he's going to wait for the iPhone 8. Gary asked about the 6 and 7. Howard said he'll just skip those and wait.
Howard told Robin to just get the 4 now. He said she can get the 5 when that comes out if she wants to. Howard said he could have waited too. Howard said he could have waited for the iPad 3 but he got the 2 instead. Gary told them to just keep spending their money and spend it some more. Howard said he'd rather see Robin buying iPhones than boats, race cars and horses.
Gary said he forgot he wasn't talking to average people. Howard said he knows that parents don't coach on high school teams. He was just busting Gary's balls.
Robin wondered why Gary said he enjoys being on the Parks and Recreation board. She said that can't be fun for him. Gary said that doing that does bring some joy to him. He said that if he gets a field done then he'll feel some joy in that.
Howard said he has an idea for Gary. He said he wants him to do some stuff for him to keep busy. He said that it will be very involved. That led to Gary talking about Stuttering John and how he just stopped listening to him and he wouldn't do what he asked him to do. Gary said he would give John a list of things to do and John would give it to someone else to do. He said he was the king of not working. Howard said that's because he knew he wouldn't fire him. Gary said he would fuck with him and yes him to death. He said that he used to do that radio show at lunch time. He said they stopped doing the show live so John would go down the hall and record it during Robin's news. He used to brag that he'd be at home in his pool listening to his own show by the time it came on.
Howard said that must be the bane of his existence. Every show John does is pre-recorded. He said they did that to him on the Tonight Show too. Howard asked Gary if he knew anything about that. Gary said he doesn't know all of the details. He said it was a matter of weeks before they started pre-recording. Gary said he feels bad talking about this and picking on the guy. Howard said John doesn't mind picking on him. Gary was eating while they were talking about this. Howard said he was trying to engage Gary and he was walking away and eating. Howard said he wants to watch Gary eat so he said he was done talking to him. Howard said Gary has all of this time to eat and he's busy doing it while he's talking to him. Howard said Gary eats funny too. He said he's the one they enjoy watching.
Robin said it's funny to see Gary eating while Howard is trying to talk to him. He could just wait but he swivels his chair back to his food.
Howard asked Gary what that note was on his desk. Sal came in and stole Gary's food. Gary told Sal to do something clever instead of doing that.
Gary said the note was about getting Stuttering John on the show to promote a John Gotti movie he's producing. The movie hasn't even been made but they're going out to promote it. They're probably looking to get money for the movie.
Howard asked about another note on Gary's desk. Gary said that was a list of games they can play if they have money to give away. They have one called Gary the Retard's Career Game. Howard wanted to play it. Howard said he wanted to make Gary's eggs get cold. He told Gary to go look for it and he'll take a break. Then Gary said he had it and he'd bring it in the studio.
Howard saw Gary putting salt on his eggs. He asked Robin if she saw that. Robin said she missed that. Gary said he put pepper and salt on them. Howard told Gary not to use additional salt. He said it's not good for him. Robin asked Gary if he tastes what he eats before he salts it. Gary said he does.
Howard said he wouldn't have known he had this game if he didn't check what he had on his desk. Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said he can't get Howard TV on his phone and he doesn't have it on his cable system. Howard said they're only on cable TV for some reason. He said he wishes that they had it on your phone. Mark said it's kind of retarded. He said the company that owns the channel doesn't want to share it with other systems. Howard said he's able to watch Netflix and see all kinds of stuff on his iPad or his iPhone.
Howard asked Doug why they're not available on the phone. Doug said the company is owned by a bunch of cable companies and they don't want to make it available in other ways at this time.
Howard played some of Bill Maher's ''New Rules'' on his iPhone through Netflix. Howard said that was pretty cool. Howard said he doesn't own the company so it's up to them to make the show available. Mark said it seems like it's only Howard that he can't get. Howard said they have a pay service and they do have to pay for people. Mark said they have On Demand programming available on the web but not Howard. Howard said that's the company. He said he can't control that. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have an update about the Barry Bonds lawsuit because Howard's name came up in it. They had a witness in the case talking about how this woman had appeared on some ''vulgar'' shows like Howard Stern's show. Howard wondered why that was brought up. They were trying to show that she was spreading stories all over the place and she was a witness of his alleged steroid use. They were trying to discredit her by saying she was on all of these vulgar shows. Steve said she was trying to get the Stern Show transcript read into the record but they declined to do that in court. Howard said that's great that they get called vulgar in court.
Howard said he heard a report about the drug Propecia and how it can cause complete sexual dysfunction. He said it can stop you from getting a boner. Howard said he knows Sal would joke about how he can't use it anyway but he wouldn't take this stuff if he was Sal. Sal said he actually brought in the stuff he takes. It's not Propecia, it's Appecia. Howard asked Sal why he would take that. Sal said it's just a simple pill. Howard said it comes form a country that he knows nothing about. Sal said that article did raise concern. He said the 38 percent chance is high but there's the 62 percent chance he won't. He said that it would suck if he did become impotent. Sal said he's going to take the rest of the year's worth of the stuff. Howard told him he should stop. Sal said he will.
Gary came in and told Howard what this girl at the Barry Bonds trial said on their show about Barry's testicles. Howard said this is such a waste of time in court. He said he doesn't understand why this is in court. Gary said it's become a witch hunt and they're just going after him and suing him to make him admit he took steroids so they can say his record shouldn't stand.
Howard asked Steve what he thinks about this. Steve said the government has spent millions on this case and it could be a mere perjury charge. Gary said Barry holds two records for home runs and it pisses people off. Howard said it doesn't matter, it's just a dumb game.
Steve said they also have a story about Ronnie's ''Lets Fuck Some Whores'' making it into the Urban Dictionary. Howard said he heard that Ronnie complained to Twitter about someone pretending to be him and he ended up getting pulled off of Twitter instead.
Ronnie came in and said that this other guy had the same name as him but instead of having an L in it he had a capital I. He said the real one is @RMLimoDriver69 and the other guy just replaced the L with a capital I. Ronnie said this other guy was calling this stripper some names and upsetting her. He said that she called him asking what she did and he had to explain what was going on. Ronnie said that this girl ZenaBuddysGirl filed the complaint for him. He said Twitter sent back a thing about getting a business card from him so they could identify him. He said he tried to get into his account on Saturday and it was shut down. He said his account was suspended and the other guy was still on.
Howard said Ronnie didn't even know what Twitter was a few weeks ago. Now he's addicted. Ronnie said he has about 38,000 followers now. He said he's Tweeting like once or twice a day. He said he got reinstated but they still haven't verified him. He said they should have when he got back on.
Ronnie said he Tweeted that he was going cross town and two hookers tried to get into the car with him. He said they were looking for a ride. Ronnie said the black chick was hot and the white chick was alright. He said he just hit the gas and took off. He was afraid he was going to get ripped off or something. Howard said he's out on the street all the time so he knows about this stuff. Howard said maybe they were followers of Ronnie's. Ronnie had mentioned that they were ''dressed to the tens'' but the correct phrase is ''dressed to the nines.'' Howard didn't know the origins of that. They talked about ''In like Flynn'' and where that came from. Howard asked Ronnie if he's on cloud 9 or 10. Ronnie said he's on cloud 9. Ronnie said he's back now and the fake Ronnie is gone. Howard said he thwarted his arch enemy on Twitter.
Steve said that Gilbert Gottfried is now mocking everything in history on FunnyOrDie.com in his own video.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric has submitted a tape to replace Gilbert as the Aflac duck. He's also supposed to be appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked how he managed to get on there. Howard couldn't understand a word Eric was saying from the high pitched voice and phlegm. Howard asked if he's ever gone to a doctor about that. Eric said he has and if he had it done he wouldn't be High Pitch anymore.
Eric told Howard that Kimmel is looking for people do shows from their homes via Skype so he applied to do that. Eric also told Howard that the President is coming to New York today so traffic is going to be bad. Howard said that was good information. He said that the city becomes bottle necked from that.
Howard played a prank call High Pitch made to a doctor about losing weight. Eric was trying to find out how to lose weight and asking if he could eat his hotdog to get free help.
After that Steve said that the Harlem preacher who hates Obama is going to serve him with papers when he's in the city. Steve also got in some plugs for Riley Martin and Jackie the Joke Man's shows that are on Howard 101 tonight. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Wolfie went up to some people in Philadelphia and asked about the tsunami. He played some of those clips and people there didn't seem to know anything about it. One guy said he didn't know what one was or care what caused them. Howard played another one where a woman said she didn't hear anything about the tsunami. Howard wondered how you can not know about the tsunami. Robin said she's sure there are strippers in strip clubs who don't know either.
Howard played more of the Wolfie audio and he was talking to this woman who had no idea what the tsunami was and said that maybe one day it will reach us but not now. Howard said these people insist on having answers and they'll never admit they don't know. In another clip Wolfie asked a woman to spell tsunami and she said it starts with an A. She said it was ''A S U M N I C.''
Howard said Kiefer was on the Jimmy Fallon show and talked about the incident. Kiefer said that when you do a show like that there are some older people who come to the matinee shows. He said it's not surprising to have someone die. He said that this woman was choking and someone yelled out ''Is there a doctor in the house?'' That person was Jared. They had to stop the show and get the woman help.
Howard said they got to this 17 year old Disney girl on the show. He said she looks older than 17. Howard said the professional dancer guy is too weird and touchy feely with her. He said he seems to be in love with her and she seems to be in love with him. Howard said she's only 17 so she doesn't know any better. He said that it looks very inappropriate to him. Howard said the judges got up there and judged this 17 year old saying that she wasn't doing something right and they deducted a lot of points even though she was doing great and just doing what her dance instructor twas telling her to do. Howard said it's his fault, not the 17 year old's fault.
Howard said he just got a note saying she's actually 22 years old. He said she looks 17 to him. Howard said he doesn't get how they judge on that show. He said the dance instructor is a putz if he's not teaching this girl how to dance the right way.
Howard said he likes to see the girls dancing in regular clothes and not all dressed up. He said he's not into Kirstie Alley when she's in her dance outfit though. He said the first week she was light on her feet. He played some audio from the show where Kirstie was dancing. They had edited in some huge pounding sounds during her dance. Howard said she's a very odd woman but she looks okay for being 60 years old.
Howard asked Robin if she's loving or if she concentrates only on herself. Robin said she is loving. She thinks she's good in bed too. Howard asked if she's met anyone in the past couple of weeks. Robin said she hasn't been looking. Howard asked if she would let someone hang out in her apartment. Robin wasn't sure about that. She said that the guy would have to have his own computer. She wouldn't want him touching her stuff.
Howard read a quick email correcting Robin on the way she says ''photography'' as ''fertography.'' Robin didn't think she had done that.
Howard read some email about his liver enzyme levels. One guy told him not to worry about it and just keep drinking. The guy had some problems himself and he was able to clear them up after many years of alcoholism. That led to Howard doing impressions of his parents talking about his blood tests on the phone with him. Howard told them that it was a fluke but the conversation went on for about 15 minutes. He said he forgot that they listen to the radio show. They interpret that as he's dying.
Howard said he has two drinks like Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Once in a while he'll have a drink 4 nights a week. Howard said he shouldn't have told his parents he went to satellite radio. He said his parents would still be listening to him on their old station. He said they'd be listening to Nick Cannon instead. He wondered if he's even still there.
Howard read some more email where a couple of people went off on Robin about what she was talking about with her drinking yesterday. Howard said Robin took a beating yesterday. He read a couple more emails about how she's trying to make herself look better than everybody. Someone pointed out that she told Gary that pasteurization is bad and now she's saying she doesn't drink.
Howard said that he got some feedback about Yucko the Clown. Some people were liking his appearance. Robin wondered if Yucko sent in some himself. Fred said that he got quite a few positive emails and he doesn't think that Yucko was doing them all himself. There were some negative ones in there too though.
Howard said he got a suggestion from a fan who thought he and Fred should do a whole show as Gary. Howard and Fred went into their Gary impressions and did that for a minute.
Howard read about Will's wife getting pregnant and some people went off on Robin about what she was saying about him having a kid. Robin didn't remember saying anything. There was another guy telling Will that he shouldn't be having a kid and calling him an asshole and a moron for doing it. Howard said maybe Robin wrote that one. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and had this guy Ron come in to talk about how he restored his foreskin. He has a device that he uses to restore your foreskin. Howard said Ron was in their Prettiest Penis contest a few years back. Howard said he looks a little strange to him. Howard asked if he was born a man. Ron said he was. He said he has a wife and children too. Howard asked if gay men try to pick him up at all. Ron said that he went to a conference a few years ago and this guy told him he assumed he was gay.
Howard asked to see Ron's pants. He was dressed like a 13 year old. Ron is actually 48. Howard asked why he was dressed like that. Ron said he wanted to be able to drop his pants quickly if he asked him to do that.
Howard asked Ron what he does for a loving. He said he's an industrial engineer. Howard asked if he's ever kissed a man. Ron said he has not. He said he didn't even have sword fights as a kid. Howard said he thought he was gay when he walked in. So did Robin.
Howard said he doesn't think that circumcision is right. He said it's like a mutilation. He said that they did it to desensitize us and it was a bunch of religious nudniks doing it. Ron said he agrees with him. He said their conversation might be kind of boring because they agree on so much. Howard said he doesn't agree with him trying to bring back his foreskin. He said stretching it out to look like a foreskin makes no sense to him. He said stretching it out isn't going to make it more sensitive. Ron said it is going to be more sensitive. Ron said that the most densely packed nerve endings are in the foreskin. When you have them you're able to pace yourself during intercourse. He explained to Howard and Robin how it works and how he's making what he has left work better with this process.
Ron said his glans looked rough like the outside of his lips before he did this and now it's like the inside of his lips now that he's done this foreskin restoration. Ron said that's the way it's supposed to be.
Howard asked Ron what the device is called. Ron said the easiest is called the Your Skin Cone. That one lets you force the skin you have left over your glans. He said he has a model of a penis that shows what it does. Howard asked how long he has to wear it and how long he's been doing it. Ron said he started in 2001. He said he's been using something on his penis since 2001. He said he has a stretching device on it right now. Howard asked to see that.
Ron pulled down his pants and showed them what he had on. He was talking a while to get it out so Howard was trying to get him to just get it over with. Howard looked at what he had and Robin let out a laugh and said ''Oh my god!'' a couple of times. Ron said what he's wearing is called Tug-N-Wear. He said it's like a jock strap and it holds the device and your penis. Howard asked if he walks around with that all the time. Ron said he knows it's kind of funny looking. He showed Howard how it works and how the skin is drawn forward. Howard asked to see what he looks like with it off. Ron took the device off and showed that the skin was retained by a cone. Howard told him to just pull it off. Ron pulled it all off and he had skin that looked like it was a foreskin, kind of.
Howard asked if it's really worth the effort and aggravation. Ron said he just puts on this cone. He said that anyone can do it. He said you wear it under your underwear or while you're sleeping. Howard said this is really disgusting. Robin said he had his penis in a cup all day. Howard said he's not sure why this is important to him.
Ron said that Howard is sex obsessed and he's not sure why he wouldn't want it to be as good as possible. Howard said he's getting off just fine and it's amazing as it is. He doesn't need to make it any better.
Howard asked Ron if this thing is safe to use and if Doctors have said it is. He told him to put his pants back on before answering.
Ron said he has pictures of his before and after stuff at his web site TLCTugger.com. You can also go to RonLow.info for information on Genital Integrity Awareness Week. He tried to explain that but Howard cut him off. Howard asked how many of these things he sells a year. Ron said that it's about 3,000. He said many of them just show their support with bumper stickers and stuff.
Ron told Howard that he is making a living off of these things. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. Ron said he started selling them in 2003 and it was taking up all of this time so in 2008 he quit his job. He said he's making enough money to live off of. Howard asked how that's enough money. He tried to do the math himself to figure it out.
Gary said they have a dilemma because he left his device on the couch where Howard sits during the meetings. Howard asked him to move it. Ron blamed Will for not bringing in a stool. He said he asked for one.
Howard said Ron is heading down to Washington DC to go to this Genital Integrity Awareness Week thing. Ron said his wife is a big part of that and she's been very supportive of him.
Howard asked Ron who this Van Lewis person was. Howard said he heard that he cries when he brings him up. Ron said he cries about a lot of things. Ron told Howard that Van Lewis realized what he lost being circumcised and he and his brother protested circumcision and got arrested for it. He said that he's battling aggressive cancer right now so he won't be able to join them in Washington DC this year. Ron said that Van has given them great guidance over the years. Ron sounded very emotional as he talked about this guy. Fred played some sad piano music as he talked about him.
Robin asked why this means so much to him. Howard said it's because he's mental. Ron said that it's wrong to do this to an infant. Ron said that this has helped him out.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who played Artie clips. They had Artie calling him a loser and saying that he's circumcised himself. Ron was in on the joke so he didn't fall for it with the clips.
Ron told Howard that years ago his wife would be rubbed raw from having sex with him before this and things have changed. Howard said he finishes in like 3 seconds with his wife. Ron tried to tell Howard why it's better but Howard said he was ready to throw up from this. Ron said sex is much more plush and less bang, bang, bang. He said that he can give her multiple orgasms too.
Howard said this is just weird. Ron said that he's an amputee and this is just a small cone he wears to help restore what he can.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ass Napkin Ed was busy this morning. He said this guy is not an amputee. He said it was just a couple inches of skin. He said he can't believe he's wasting time with this guy. Howard said he just wanted to see his penis.
Another caller said he should get on that show Shark Tank. Ron said he did get on a show called Every Day Edisons. He said the PBS lawyers decided not to have him on the show so he was escorted out of the building.
Howard said he doesn't know a lot about what he's talking about but he congratulates him on his dedication. He gave him some more plugs for his web sites and started to wrap up. Ron said he thought Sal and Richard were going to wear it.
Richard came in a short time later and said that Ron has sent these things to the show before. Ron said he sent one right to him. Richard said he threw it in the garbage. Richard said he wouldn't want to mess with his penis. Ron said it's really not messing with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should be suing his parents over his circumcision. He said that suing the doctor that did it to him isn't right. Ron said that every doctor that does it is performing cosmetic surgery on a non-consenting person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got a MRSA infection with his foreskin. Ron said that kids get MRSA in the hospital too. He said it doesn't keep it away. The caller said he had to get a circumcision because of the infection. The guy said that it's less sensitive now and he can last longer without his foreskin. Howard said he's pretty sure that these things were started by religious freaks and they were doing it to cut down on the sexual drive.
Richard asked if he could leave. Howard told him he could but Ron wanted him to try the device. Richard said there's no way he's going to do that.
Another caller said this guy is very creepy. Ron got back to Richard and told him he should just try this thing. He said that this will make it as easy as possible for his wife to give him oral. Richard said he felt like he was hitting on him or something. The caller said he's just as creepy as Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard said he thinks he's even creepier.
Howard said Ron just ruined the term BJ for him. He was talking about the penis as a glans and mucosa. Howard said that ruined the whole thing for him.
Ron said that they have a lot of testimonials at his web site. He read one of them where a guy was talking about how this has helped him get to orgasm and he thinks he's really helped him out. Howard told Ron to cry and mentioned Van Lewis again. He wrapped up and gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and talked about how stupid the name of that song is. He said the song is great but the name is lame. He sang along to the song a little bit. He said he likes when he sings ''LOOOOVE'' and did his impression of Roger Daltrey doing that.
Howard asked Robin how much she thinks it would cost to get the band Badfinger to show up at a party. Howard said they were a Beatles sounding band back in the 70s. He and Robin sang one of their songs together and then Fred played some of their stuff.
Howard said if you hire them you only get one original member. Two of them committed suicide. Howard said it's $3,500 - $7,000. He said there's another band, Brewer and Shipley, that had a couple of hits many years ago. He had Fred play some of their stuff. Howard asked for ''Witchi-Tai-To'' but Fred wasn't able to find the song. Howard said he used to play it when he was playing records. Fred asked if he had the right band. Howard said thinks he does. Fred found another band that played the same song. Howard said that was a lame version. He said this one was kind of gay. Fred said that was a cover of the song and Brewer and Shipley did a cover of a cover. Fred finally found the right version on the internet. Howard told Fred to play some more of their stuff but he gave up before he got to more.
Howard read about some more cheap bands that people can hire for their events. He had another band that had one hit. Howard read about The Tramps, Rex Smith, Gary U.S. Bonds, Richie Havens, The Kingsmen and others that are out doing shows for 10 grand or less. Then there were bands that are between 10 and 25,000. He said the Atlanta rhythm Section was one. Anita Pointer, Ben E King, Frank Stallone and others were in there. Howard said Eddie Money is in there too. Fred played some of the songs from various bands as they went through them.
Howard wanted to hang up on her. Robin told him not to do that. Debbie asked what he wanted to talk about. Howard asked what meds she should be on. She said she's on her meds. She said she's out of her mind because of him. Howard said people think she's dangerous and he shouldn't be taking her calls. Debbie went off on everyone just saying ''Fuck you'' to everyone. Howard heard that the fans think she's pretty good looking.
Ronnie came in and told her to come up there and get topless... T-O-P-L-E-S-S. Howard said he's not funny when he does this. Debbie said she has a lot to say to Ronnie. Howard asked if he could fuck that chick. Ronnie said she's got a hot body. He said he could fuck her. Howard asked what it would take. Ronnie said one glass of gin and tonic would do it.
Howard asked Debbie if she minds if Ronnie has sex with her. Debbie said she can pick up girls better than Ronnie can. She was just screaming the whole time.
Howard asked what her problem is. Robin said she's not sure. She said she's just cuckoo. Howard asked if she's ever been diagnosed. Debbie said she's not cuckoo. Howard said she should be on Coco Puffs. Ronnie asked if he can come on her internet show. Debbie said he can't come on her show.
Howard asked Debbie if she's dangerous. She was still screaming so she didn't hear him. Howard asked if she's dangerous to other people. She said she never asked for any money. Howard asked her again if she's dangerous. She said she's not dangerous.
Howard asked Debbie about her meds again and she asked why he's fucking with her. Howard said he's not fucking with her. She just hung up suddenly.
Howard had Robin get to her news after Fred played her in with a song parody by a new guy by the name of Eli Braden.
Robin started her news with a story about how Cameron Diaz might be trying to make A-Rod a movie star. Howard said she's got enough trouble making her own movies. She's not going to waste her time with that.
Robin mentioned how Tom Bergeron has asked to be kept away from Chris Brown on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said Pat Sajak did that to him on Wheel of Fortune once. He said the guy just vanished and left him with Vanna White. Howard said he didn't even beat a woman. Howard said that Brooke Burke makes him mental with the way she says ''Tom'' on the show. She laughs his name even though there's nothing funny going on. He said it really makes him mental. Howard actually had an example of that and played the clip.
Robin read a story about a new TV show that's going to look into divorces among the rich and famous. Robin said it's getting good reviews.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the computer girl is breaking up the flow of the show. Howard asked computer girl if she had anything to say. She said something but Howard said he had no idea what she was talking about. Howard asked why she was saying ''I want Hi-C and Pop-tarts... what's happening to me?'' She was acting like Artie, that's what it was. Howard said he's taking that away from Benjy. He said Benjy asked to take over the computer girl so he thought he'd go with it. He said Benjy took a shot but it's not working. The caller said that it should be gone no matter who is working it. Howard said it was working when it was just Fred doing it. Fred had her say ''Benjy sucks at it.'' Benjy said he likes it. Howard said no one was laughing at the Hi-C thing. He said that was too far of a stretch. Howard said it has to be a quick one liner. Fred had her say ''Benjy, go back to being sweaty.'' Howard told Fred to grab Benjy's computer and take it away from him.
Howard said Benjy just isn't good with computer girl. He gave him one more shot but Benjy said he isn't even working it anymore. Howard said that it's just going to be Fred from now on. That's what the caller suggested. Howard said it's just not working. Benjy said they're just being mean. Howard said he doesn't like the way it's working. He told him to let Fred handle it. Benjy said he thinks he could be good at it. The caller said he should practice at home then.
Robin got back to her news and said that Steve Jobs may be about to announce the next iPhone. Howard said he loves his iPhone. Robin said they are saying that it could be announced in June. Fred said it'll probably be faster. He said it might be 4G too. Howard and Fred spent a minute talking about that and Howard was ready to switch as soon as it came out... as long as it's on Verizon and not on AT&T.
Robin read about the winner of the $319 million Mega Millions lottery. Robin said it was up in Albany and they don't know who it is yet. Robin said they say it might be a group of 7 state workers. That led to Howard trying to do the math for how much each person would get. The lump sup pay out was $220 million so Howard tried to figure that all out. He came up with ''around'' $30 million each. Robin said that isn't bad for 7 people.
Robin read about Natalie Portman being defended about the woman who came forward to say she did the dancing in the Black Swan movie, not Natalie. Howard said he saw the new Natalie Portman movie, ''Your Highness,'' and she's stripping down at one point so she can take a swim. He said if that's her body she's got some tuchas. He said she's got some ass. He's not sure if it's a body double or not. He said she's got a great face too but she's a fidget. He said she's tiny. He said he dated a girl that small once and it felt kind of weird. He said he had to lift her up to have sex. It was very strange for him and Beth is more his size. Howard said he just got a note about her using a butt double in the movie. He said whoever that girl was has a great ass.
Robin read some news about Japan and what's going on over there with the nuclear power plants. She said they're doing everything they can to get water into the cooling systems. They used sea water but it's corroding things. They're trying every kind of thing they can. They had reports of plutonium in the soil and that's deadly to humans in very small amounts. Howard said we're doomed.
Ralph called in and told Howard the new iPhone may have a bigger screen. He said it's all rumors right now. He said it may have a dual core processor that will make it faster too. Howard said Ralph knows a lot of this stuff and he was helping him out with iTunes yesterday. He said he did download the whole ''Walking Dead'' series. Robin told him to check out ''Breaking Bad'' because it's a great show. Robin said the series is brilliant and it's on the level of The Sopranos.
Howard asked Ralph how much time he spends on his computer every day. Ralph said he spends a lot. He said it's not 4 hours a day like Howard says he could do. Howard said he heard he sleeps with his iPad. Ralph said he does. He has the iPhone and iPad right next to him. He said he has the sounds turned off so he doesn't turn them off.
Robin got back to her news and read about the pets that are homeless in Japan because of the tragedy over there. She said there are animal rescue groups finding the pets. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:50am, Howard had Robin get right back to her news. Robin read about the President's speech last night. She said that a lot of people thought he should have gone to congress long before this about what they're doing in Libya. Robin read about how John McCain is supporting this move. She had some audio of him talking about that. Robin and Howard talked about that for a minute.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to love the show but these days it seems kind of weak without Artie. He said that this computer girl thing isn't working. Howard said maybe the show isn't good anymore and maybe it's time to cancel his subscription. Howard asked how long he's been listening. He said it's maybe 8 or 9 years. Howard said maybe he just got sick of him. He told him not to waste his money on him and maybe just cancel. He asked why he would call in and hurt him. Howard said he's 57 years old now and maybe he was better in his 30's. He should just say goodbye now. The caller said he still has potential. Howard said he's burnt out and he's done.
The caller said he has a lot of comedians who come on the show so why not have them sit in. Howard told the guy the show is going to be more of what it is now. He told him if the show sucks then he can leave. Howard said there are people who think the show hasn't ever been better. The caller sounded surprised. He said Howard seems to be slacking off. Howard said he's just coasting and not putting any effort into it, right? The guy said he used to be so good. Howard said he's lost it so just leave.
The caller, Russ, asked why he gets upset when they bring up Artie. Howard said Artie is recovering and doing well from what he's heard. He said he doesn't know anything more about it and he's not getting upset when they ask about it. Russ said he kind of snaps when he's asked. Howard said he's not a doctor and he doesn't know how he's doing. He told Russ it's time to stop listening. He said he used to be a good caller and now he's a shitty caller so they're both shitty. Howard said he used to be that good caller and now he's not. He said he's put him in his place and that's it. Howard said he's not going to change for this guy and that's the way it is. He said it's time to say goodbye. He said it was great while it lasted. Howard hung up on him an said that guy isn't going anywhere. He said he can't beat him away with a stick. He said the guy will stick around and maybe he'll get better. Maybe not. Howard
Robin read a story about some celebrities getting together to celebrate the elder George Bush. She read about some of the people who showed up. Kid Rock, Darius Rucker, Garth Brooks and Cee Lo Green were some of them. Robin said that George W. got up and spoke about his father. She had some audio of him speaking. Robin had some audio of President Obama speaking too. His stuff was pre-taped. Robin had some audio of Reba McIntyre speaking at the event too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said those callers piss him off saying he's no good anymore. The guy said he's been listening for 15 years and the show gets better every day. Howard said that ever since he got on the air in Washington DC, in 1981, people have been telling him that he sucks now. He said he gets it almost every day of his career. Howard said he's been on the air 35 years and it really doesn't affect him that much. The caller said that's good and he thinks that Debbie the Pet Lady is radio gold. He asked what she was calling in for today. Howard said he has no idea. He told the guy that he's learned to endure over the years so don't worry about him.
Robin read about a family that's suing Facebook over an EMT who posted pictures of their dead daughter on his account. Robin asked why they're suing Facebook. Howard said he doesn't think they should be responsible. Gary said they're not suing for money, they're suing over the pictures so no one can ever post them again. Gary said Facebook has the pictures so they're suing them over that. Gary said he thinks they're just trying to get them deleted. Robin said the EMT took the pictures a couple of years ago and posted them on Facebook. Robin said that doesn't mean they have them. He just posted them there.
Robin read about Walmart and how they're being sued for billions of dollars in damages by some female employees. They think they have sexual discrimination there and they're now suing the company. Robin said the Supreme Court will be ruling on whether or not this case is too big.
Howard said he just got a note saying that the Facebook thing isn't a legal case. The family is just pleading with them to give up the pictures.
Robin read about the NY Times and how they're going to be charging for access to their online editions. Howard said he subscribes but he can't log in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Debbie chick sucks. He said he likes Crazy Alice much better. He said the show is still good too. Howard thanked him for that call.
Robin read about how John Hinkley is moving closer to freedom. Doctors are saying that he poses no threat to himself or others.
Robin read about how Lady Gaga has 9 million Twitter followers now. She was on the Ellen show when Ellen called her to wish her a happy birthday. Robin had some audio of that interview. There was a moment when she sang a lame birthday song to Lady Gaga. Howard asked if she ever gets tired of acting like a douche. He said the reason she and Ryan Seacrest get so many guests is because they suck the ass of so many people.
Robin read about a survey that was done about how men can start morphing into their moms by the age of 32. Howard asked what she was talking about as he was doing his impression of his mom. Robin said people start saying things that their mother used to say.
Robin said that Beyonce has separated from her father acting as her manager. She's moving on.
Robin had some audio of Jake Gyllenhaal talking about his new movie ''Source Code.'' Howard didn't last long with that.
Robin said that David Schwimmer is directing now and he has a new movie coming out called ''Trust.'' She had some audio of him talking about how to keep your kids safe from internet threats. Howard asked if he's really an expert on that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
Jon moved on to talk about what he wanted to cover today. Gary came in and said that they have Biz Stone coming in tomorrow and he's the co-creator of Twitter. He wondered if Ronnie is going to say anything to him when he comes in about his issue.
Jon said that Benjy must be upset that he lost his privilege with the ''computer girl'' thing. Benjy asked Teddy if he liked the line he heard at the end of the show. Teddy said he didn't. Benjy said that's good because it wasn't his. That was Fred. Gary said he thinks that Howard is done with it but Benjy didn't get much of a chance. Benjy said he does have feelings about it and he cares. He said it's Howard's decision ultimately. Gary said he thinks that Howard said he's done with it but Benjy is going to start talking in that whisper and he'll ask Howard to give him another chance. He thinks he'll get that chance.
Gary said Benjy does this thing where he whispers to Howard during the breaks and they all have to ask him to speak up. He will probably do that with this thing during a break one day.
Benjy said the thing that makes it good is when it's spontaneous. He said he understands why Howard wants it set up but it flops because it takes the spontaneity out of it.
Jon said he thinks that Benjy will get another shot at it. Benjy said he doesn't think it should be looked at as giving it a ''shot.'' He said he's practiced at home before and today he thinks that it had to do with volume. He said that the Hi-C line was funny today. Gary said he didn't understand it at first either.
Benjy said he gets Howard's wanting to make the show sound professional. He said there are people who like to fuck someone up and get rid of stuff there. He said anything new on the show people tend to just say ''fuck that'' and want to get rid of it. He said they're the haters. Benjy said they all do it on the show. The listeners do it too. Gary and Jon didn't understand what he was talking about. Jon said he was lost just like he was with the Hi-C joke.
Gary said Howard just wants to do the show and not have to nurture stuff during the show. Benjy said he knows that but it's the general attitude there with new things. He said he's seen things handled that way over the years. Gary asked what he's seen handled like that. Benjy said he'd have to think about it.
Gary said that Howard is the one who works the hardest on the show and he'd like everyone to work that hard on it. He said he does work hard on the show but he also has a life outside of the show. Gary said his wife thinks that he spends too much time working on the show at home but he tries to be available for the show as much as he can.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is a douche to Gary. He said he has to stop sticking up for him. The guy said that he gets that he doesn't work 9 to 5 but anything he does is something Howard doesn't like. Gary said Howard likes to think that they're working on the show all the time. Gary said that's true to a certain extent. The guy said that Howard should relax a little bit and not give them such a hard time.
Jon and Gary talked about the Stuttering John discussion they had this morning. Gary said John once suggested they pull every mention of Garry Shandling saying ''Artie'' from the series. He said he told John to go ahead and do it himself but it never got done. He said that John would hand his work off to people like Jason there when he'd be asked to do work himself. They went to break after that.
Gary said he told Ronnie about how he got verified and he had nothing to do with it. He said he woke up one day and there it was. He told Ronnie that and he apparently didn't listen. Ronnie said he's not going to talk to the Twitter guy tomorrow. Gary said Ronnie goes around in circles with things there. He said he's on him now but in a month it'll be with JD. Ronnie said the JD thing is a shtick. He said everyone knows that. Gary didn't know that. Jon did.
Ronnie said Gary puts him down like he's a piece of shit. He said even when he's not in there he does that. Gary said he guesses he can't crack jokes anymore. Ronnie said the show is the show and he can do whatever he wants. Gary and Ronnie went back and forth arguing about that for a minute.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is his hero. He said he likes that he drives Gary up a wall. He told him to enjoy his success. He said he makes the show explosive and it shows how much of an asshole Gary is. The guy told Gary to give up the baseball throwing and go read a book. Gary said he wrote a book now the caller can go read it.
Jon said that Ronnie shouldn't be uncomfortable there. Ronnie said he's fine but he doesn't like the way Gary talks about him.
Benjy said that maybe they should sign some safe environment contracts with each other there. He said they do that at some businesses. Jon said he thinks Gary was taken aback by this whole thing. Gary said he was. He said he didn't think it was that big of a deal to joke about him there. Ronnie said it's the way he does. Ronnie didn't like the way Gary said he was going to talk to the Twitter guy tomorrow. Gary said that's not the way it was said. Ronnie heard it the way he wanted to hear it.
Ronnie said that they shut his account down the other day and he was ready to give it up. He said that this ZenaBuddysGirl called the people at Twitter and got his account back. Ronnie said he and Sal filed a complaint at first but never heard anything. Then Zena filed a complaint and she apparently knows a lot of people. He went through the story he told earlier and added that Zena got him his account back somehow. He wants to be verified too. Gary said he can't help him out with that. Ronnie and JD both want to be verified. Ronnie said that he'd love it if he got verified before JD.
Gary talked to Ronnie about how he got mad at JD when he took his show away from him. Ronnie had been saying that he has always gotten along with JD. Gary pointed out that there was a time when they didn't get along after JD took his show away. They had to go to another break after that.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to talk about Benjy and the computer voice thing. He said he's not nailing it and Fred has incredible timing. Benjy interrupted him and asked which one he didn't like and what he did like. Ralph said he's not going to do that. Benjy said Fred had just as many duds as he did. He said the problem isn't with him and it's not with Fred. He said that they have to work out some bugs with the volume and things like that.
Benjy said Ralph is just throwing it out that Fred knows what he's doing. He said he's had just as many problems. Benjy said they have to work out some things with it. Ralph thinks that Fred should hone it and work it out, not Benjy.
Gary said the whole week Fred was doing it the thing was working. Benjy said he was writing jokes that week. Gary said that's great. Gary said Ralph is making a good point. He said that Fred's timing is great and he might have a better ability to slip it in there. It might not be a matter of it being funny or not.
Benjy said that he can do a good job with it. Jon wanted to move on so he cut him off. Ralph said that Howard brought up Stamos and Grillo today and he missed that. He asked what it was he said. Jon let him know what it was about the sizzle reel. Ralph said Grillo went right to Stamos when he ran into him and asked for his email. He said he could have eased it in a little better instead of just throwing it out there right away.
Benjy said that maybe Fred could have told that story better. He was busting Ralph's balls about the other stuff. Jon wanted to move on again.
Jon asked JD if he ever thought that Ronnie had a problem with him. JD said there are times when he gets really serious about things. They talked about how pissed he was with the show thing and with him on the Wrap Up Show a couple of times. Gary said there have been times when he gets upset and it's not just shtick like he claimed it was earlier.
Benjy brought up his thing again and said he'd like to do a 3 minute thing where they have a computer girl battle. Gary said that would be boring to the audience. Benjy said they should do it off the air then. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how the news department has been Tweeting a lot. He said he retweeted their stuff and people started complaining about his retweeting. Robin said people hate everything you do on there. Howard said he kind of likes that you can get some Howard 100 News reports by downloading them. He said there's another service where they put out a lot of stuff that's going on during the show and video clips and stuff. He said people get angry about that too. Robin said you can't respond to the people who hate as Ronnie would say.
Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap Up show yesterday talking about how Gary is out to get him. He said he's seen him misreading people before. Robin said she's been the victim of that. She said that he thinks they're over and they've been over for years. Robin said she doesn't go to strip clubs so she doesn't see Ronnie anywhere. Howard said she can take him out to dinner. Robin said they don't go out on road trips anymore. That's where they used to hang out. She said she used to go over to his place for dinner once in a while but that was a whole family thing he had going on.
Howard said Robin just stopped hanging out so that's why he's thinking it's over. Robin said they used to go out to concerts and baseball games and things like that. She said life changes. Howard said maybe he should get them back on track. Maybe they can go out to dinner and get it back on track. Robin said he doesn't have to do that. She said she'll fix Howard up too then. Howard said he's not looking for that. He said he never got started with Ronnie but Robin did.
Howard said Ronnie went on Wrap Up and he said Gary had it in for him but he didn't have any examples of what Gary was doing to him. He said the show was good. He said Ronnie made absolutely zero sense.
Ronnie came in and said he had his opinion and that's the way he feels. Howard said he sounds foolish. Howard told him to stop with the word ''dude'' too. He said he's like a Playboy. He's always putting people down. Ronnie said he's not putting anyone down.
Ronnie told Howard about the way Gary will ignore him and take over a whole conversation. He said he'll ignore him. Fred told him not to take that personally, he does it to everyone. Robin said that he's jumping to the conclusion that the person is thinking less of him and that's just what Gary is doing to everyone. He doesn't feel any less about him. Howard said he misreads everyone. Ronnie said ''whatever dude'' which set Howard off. Ronnie said he's doing it on purpose now. Howard said he's saying it every other word now.
Ronnie told Howard about going to Gary's book party and how it was like he wasn't there at all that night. He also blamed him for being the rowdy one there that night. Gary said he made a mistake. Ronnie also said that when Gary had his book out he was using Twitter to advertise his book and now Gary accuses him of using Twitter to promote Rick's. He said Gary did the same thing with his Twitter. He said whatever he does is wrong.
Howard said Ronnie was on a mad tear yesterday. Ronnie said he heard what Gary was saying about the Twitter thing and how he was going to approach the guy when he comes in today. He said he never bothers guests. Howard said Ronnie got upset about that and he understood why. Ronnie said he's not mad at Gary. He said that's just his observation.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a really bad connection. The guy asked if he thinks that Ronnie is the most immature person on the staff. Howard said he does. He said he loves the guy though. Howard asked who is more immature than him. Ronnie said he doesn't judge people like that. Ronnie said that no one is immature. Howard said Sal might be.
Howard asked the caller what kind of phone he was using. The guy said it was a GE piece of shit. Howard said that company used to be good. He said they had better get their shit together. Howard said they might have to make a game out of this and try to figure out what he's saying. The caller, Dan, asked if it was funny that Ronnie was Twitterless and then spelled it out. Howard said this phone thing is awful. He had to let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who told Ronnie to take himself to anger management classes. Howard said he should. Ronnie said he knows he's angry. He said he's not over the top like Howard thinks he is.
Ronnie said he's not mad at Gary. Everyone thinks he is but he's not. He said he's just let down. Howard said something must have gone on in his life that fucked him up. They brought up how he was raped at 16 but Ronnie said that wasn't rape. He said he knew what was going on. Ronnie had sex with one of his mother's friends. He said he just had a good time and he wasn't raped.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie was yelling at Gary about getting verified on Twitter. Ronnie said he wasn't yelling, he was just asking. Ronnie said there's a guy on Twitter who opened an account and started cursing people out. He said he's going crazy telling people that it's not him. He said he had to do that last night because this guy is cursing his followers out. Ronnie said that they gave the other guy his account back last night. He said it's ridiculous. He was ready to give up last night. The caller said he's the kind of verification and Ronnie is now verified.
Howard said Biz Stone is coming in today. He's one of the founders of Twitter. Howard said he's going to tell Biz that there are a few people who want to be verified. He said he's going to have them come in and state their case and maybe the winner will get verified. Ronnie said he won't win. Howard said he should try and tell them why he thinks she should. Ronnie said that JD has over 80,000 followers and he has about 40,000. Howard told Ronnie to tell Biz that he was raped. Ronnie said he wasn't raped. He wondered why he kept saying that. Howard said he's the victim and he has to stop blaming himself. Howard said Ronnie is still a child. Ronnie said he's having a good time and he doesn't care.
Gary said they heard that JD has been trying really hard to get verified on Twitter. He's been asking people to help him out. There are people at Twitter who are not verifying him as a joke. Howard asked JD why he's so anxious to be verified. JD said he only asked the Sirius PR person to help. He said that people pose as him and stuff and it would look cool to be verified. He said he's not saying it's a huge priority.
Howard asked who wants to be verified. JD, Ronnie and Benjy all do. Benjy said it's like going from intern to working. He said people look at it differently.
Howard asked who else wants to be verified. Jon Hein and Jason may want to be. Howard said Jason has two pages. One for his personal Tweets and one for his political Tweets. Gary asked if he has one for his cat too.
Howard asked JD why he wants to be verified so badly. JD said he's been trying to get it done for himself and tried to get some other people done too. Ronnie said he talked to the PR person and told her not to ask for him. He doesn't want to be involved.
Ronnie told Gary that he's just hurt by him having a beef with him. He's not mad. Gary said he doesn't have a beef with him. He said he likes Ronnie and has no problem with him. Howard asked if Jon Hein wants to be verified. Gary said he's not sure. Steve Brandano might be another one.
Gary said he thinks that Benjy wants it as bad as JD. Jason said he does too. Brian Phelan wants to be verified too. Gary said that it's like being in a fraternity.
Howard asked Ronnie if he wants it now. Ronnie said he only wants to be verified so the nonsense can stop. He said that there are people being insulted by these phonies. He said that there are a couple of people who follow him and he can't deal with the idiot who is going on and calling this girl a whore and a slut.
Howard asked Ronnie how he went from Tweeting with this ''XXXSexyVixenXXX'' girl to calling her. Ronnie said he got in touch with her on Twitter and she gave him her number and he called her asking her to call the Howard TV people. They wanted to use her pictures. He said he called her just once.
Ronnie said that one guy got on and called her a whore and a slut and she wrote back asking what she did wrong. He said he had to tell her that it wasn't him and she blocked that other guy out. Ronnie said it'll stop if they verify him. Robin said it's really not that big of a deal. Ronnie said he's ready to give it up. Howard said he's not going to give it up.
Ronnie talked about another follower he has by the name of HarleyCat. He said she sends pictures out and dedicates them to him. Howard asked if she's hot. Ronnie said she's cute. Howard asked why he was rolling his eyes. Ronnie said he wasn't rolling his eyes. Ronnie said she wants to come in there and ride the Sybian. Howard said they should get some of the girls in there and have a contest. Ronnie said he can do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie thinks he's part of the Wack Pack now. Ronnie said he doesn't. Howard said he thinks that he's the leader of the Wack Pack. He might be the wackiest of them.
Howard and Fred ended up talking about his breakfast bar. He was eating a Balance Bar and some yogurt. Howard said Beth eats the shittiest stuff and she has this ripped body. Robin said it's her genetic make up that makes her look like that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Ronnie feels like he got raped on Twitter when people take his name. Howard and Fred had some fun goofing on Ronnie about that. They were doing their impressions and saying ''Dude'' a lot.
The caller said he liked it better when Ronnie had to wait in the car. Ronnie said that was way back in 1996. He said he hasn't waited in the car since.
Howard goofed on Ronnie some more but then he saw some pictures of Sexy Vixen. He said that she really does look good. He said they should have a pageant in there. Ronnie doesn't seem to care either way. Fred and Howard did their Ronnie impressions some more.
Ronnie seemed to think that he could get that Sexy Vixen without even being verified. He seems to think he could get Sandra Bullock too. Another caller said that there's no way that he could get her. Ronnie knew the caller who is from Canada. Ronnie said the guy is a loser who does nothing but make phone calls to radio stations. The caller said Ronnie doesn't deserve this and he should make him apologize. Ronnie said this guy is a loser, piece of shit who has no job. He said he just wants to be up there to stare at Howard.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he's giving him too much air time. Howard said she might be right. He said he finds him interesting. The caller said he's getting too much air time since last week. Ronnie thanked her for that. He's getting out of there. He yelled out his ''topless'' thing as he was heading out.
Howard said he had Ass Napkin Ed on the line too. He said that he called her and now they're a couple. Debbie said she's not sure what they are. She said that he cheated on her already. She said that everyone wants him now that he's going out with her.
Debbie told Howard that she paid for Ed to come visit her and he treated her like that. Ed said he's going to pay her back. Howard didn't believe that. Debbie said that he's going to pay her back with food stamps.
Howard asked where Ed is now. Ed said he's up state. He's not in rehab like Howard thought he was. Howard said Ed lives in a boarding house and shits in a bucket. Ed said he doesn't live there anymore. He said he's got his own place.
Ed said that he had sex with her and may have gotten her pregnant. Howard asked if he came inside of her. She said she didn't want to talk about this on the air. Howard asked if she would get an abortion if she was pregnant. She said she would get married. She said Ed is coming to stay with her and move in with her in a couple of weeks. She said that he's cheating on her though. Ed said he's not cheating on her.
Howard asked Ed if she's his girlfriend. Debbie said she is. Ed said yes too. Howard said that's after just one session. She said it wasn't one session. They've been talking for a while now. Ed told her to tell them how big he is. She said he's not that big. She told him he has to step it up a notch in bed.
Howard tried to figure out what's going on there and Debbie was getting more and more upset. Howard asked if he's playing with her or is this a real thing. Ed said that they're going to get married. Howard said he must be in love with her then. Debbie said she can't tell if he really likes her or not. Howard asked Ed if he wants to be exclusive with her. Ed said he can be exclusive. Debbie said she has problems with her body. She has tumors. Ed said she has a nice body. Debbie said she has a tumor on her leg. Howard asked if Ed massaged it. She said he did. Howard asked if he kissed it too. She told him not to go there. Debbie said she doesn't care about his problems. She told him not to get caught up on that stuff.
Howard asked Debbie why she gave him sex the first night she was with him. She said that was a good question. She said she's not a slut or anything. She said she hasn't had sex in a long time. She said she had a drink and got buzzed and she got a little excited and got carried away. She said she's only human. Debbie said she hadn't had sex in a long time and she was drunk and just got into it. Howard asked when she last had sex. She said it was like 3 years. Ed said he could tell. She was nice and tight.
Debbie said Ed keeps telling her that he likes her but she doesn't believe it. Howard asked why she would marry him if she only knew him one night. She said she might be having his baby. Howard told her to come down there and do the pee test to see if she's pregnant. Ed wants to marry her on the show. Howard said they're going to take it one step at a time. Debbie said she has a bucket list and she wants to get married so that's one reason she's rushing into this. Howard told her she had better get a pre-nup or Ed will take all of her money.
Howard asked if they had sex in front of the birds. Of course they did. They're in her apartment. Howard asked if she's really going to let Ed in front of her son. Debbie said her son is in high school so it's not that big of a deal. She said he's not a baby. Howard said it could still traumatize him. She said Ed is a nice looking man.
Howard asked Debbie if she was able to orgasm with him. She said she doesn't do that with anyone and she didn't want to talk about that. Howard said the sex should be good for her if she's going to marry the guy. Robin found that funny. Howard asked Ed if he gave it to her in all positions. Debbie said he didn't. She said he got very lazy at the end. He just wanted to go to sleep and then leave.
Debbie was yelling at Ed about how he has to treat her right. Howard said Ed just sits there and takes all of this. Debbie said that he had better love her. Ed said he's going to come back down to be with her. She said he cheated on her. Ed said he didn't cheat. She said he was with that Deena chick. Ed said he didn't do anything. Debbie said he's on the phone with her every day. Howard told her she has to get over this jealousy thing. Debbie said that Deena got them a hotel. Debbie said she could do it and he doesn't need Deena to do it.
Debbie said he shouldn't be with this other woman. Howard said she's right about that. Debbie yelled ''Right! Right!'' and continued to scream at him. Howard said this was unbelievable. He was laughing but Debbie started to cry.
Ed said that Deena was hot but he didn't do anything. That's what made Debbie cry. Howard told Debbie that she has to relax. Ed said she really does. He said she didn't take her medication, that's the problem. Howard asked who is hotter, Debbie or Deena. Ed said it was Debbie.
Debbie told Howard he has to make a stand here. Howard said this woman seems to be very loving and very emotional. He told Ed he has to be very serious with her. He said if it's just a joke he has to tell her right now. Ed said it's not a joke. Debbie said he's making her look like a nut. Ed said he's moving in with her. Debbie screamed at him again. She said she's going to send him another ticket and have him come down. Howard asked why she has to buy the ticket. Ed said she's just helping him out. Howard told Debbie to stop using her money on this guy. She needs it. Ed said he needs help too.
Howard asked Debbie if she thinks this can really work. She said she's not sure. She said Howard is making a lot of sense right now.
Howard said he likes Ed and he's a good guy. He said they really need to take this slowly though. Ed told Howard not to ruin it for him. Howard said they should go out on a few dates and get to know each other before taking that big step. Debbie said that she told him that too. Howard said he wanted to handle this. He told Ed that whatever he did to her worked. He said she wants him there. Howard asked Ed when he can get there to see her again. Ed said he can go anytime. Debbie said anytime after Friday is good for her. Ed said he can come down on Saturday. Debbie asked if he's going to come down and stay. Howard said she's coming off a little desperate. Howard said he's going to come down Saturday and she's asking how long he's going to stay. He told her not to pressure him on how long he's going to say. Howard said they should just see how it goes. Howard said if Ed comes on Saturday is he going to stay. Ed said he needs tickets. Howard said Ed wants her to pay for everything. That's what he's worried about. Ed said he has traveling expenses. Howard said he doesn't like the way this is going. Ed said he needs to eat on the bus. He said he'll use his food stamps if she doesn't want to pay. The bus ride is only a couple of hours. Ed said he's not going to take all of her money.
Howard said Ed is going to come down and stay for how long? Ed said probably 3 days. Debbie asked if he can really last that long. She found it hard to believe that he would be able to. Howard said that will be the test. She said that if he can last 3 days then he can last in a marriage. Howard told Debbie not to marry him yet. She said she won't.
Howard told Ed to get the ass napkin out of his ass. Ed said he doesn't have it in there anymore. Debbie said they're going to let him know how things work out. Howard said they need to let the cameras in so he can get this on his TV show. Howard let them go and said this is what he had to get to today. He had Biz Stone waiting to come in so he went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Biz Stone (@biz), co-founder of Twitter, come in. Howard asked Biz if he actually invented Twitter. He said he did with his two friends. Howard asked for the background. Biz said that he and Evan Williams worked at Google and they were working on blogging over there. They were doing the Blogger.com stuff at the time. Howard asked how he knew so much about computers. Biz said he was into Apple Macintosh when he was younger but he got into some other stuff. He said he got into web design and started doing a web log thing in 1999. Then he ended up at Google.
Howard asked Biz about how they came up with this Twitter idea. Biz said he and Evan were in the car together and thinking about this crazy idea to have audio that people could do with an iPod. He said they ended up quitting Google and everyone thought it was a huge mistake. Biz said even he thought that he should have stayed. He said that he left after 2 years and he left all of his stock on the table when he left.
Biz said that he found himself very comfortable at Google and he didn't want that. He said they started this Odeo company and they weren't emotionally invested in that either. He said you really have to be when you're working on a project like that. Howard said he understands that. He said he thought about directing a movie but he has to be really into the project.
Biz said they weren't interested in doing the Odeo thing. He said it did okay and they had raised about $5 million to do that. He said they weren't thrilled by the whole thing so they started talking about doing something else. Evan suggested that he and Jack Dorsey just take some time and build something that they like to do. Biz said they built an early Twitter site and people were kind of underwhelmed.
Biz said they were looking to do something with SMS since there are over 5 billion registered phones. He said they wanted to build a system over the SMS thing. He said they kept it at 140 characters so you could send a 160 character SMS message. Howard said he likes that they're short like that. He said it forces you to keep it creative.
Howard said this company is only 5 years old now but it's part of everyone's daily life. Even Ronnie is using it.
Biz said the good thing about the site is that you don't have to ask someone to follow them like you do on other social sites. Howard said that's what he likes about it. Biz said that it's about following your interests.
Howard asked why they let other companies post pictures and stuff. Biz said they have started making it easier to include things like that. Howard asked why they're against the Retweet thing. Biz said they have some missing features from the Retweeting thing. He said they're not against it though. He said that they want to make it possible to follow all of the responses to those Retweets.
Howard said he uses the regular Twitter platform but other people use Tweetdeck and things like that. Biz said that doesn't bother them. He said they do have an official Twitter platform now. He said they also have a lot of these other apps out there. He said they were looking at their numbers and they put their logo on it and made it free. He said people like it and it just makes more sense for everyone.
Howard asked about how the guys were coming and going from the company and why this is going on. Howard said he would be hyper focused on this thing if he was part of it. Biz said there are a lot of people on the board and they're constantly changing things. He said that the hash tag thing wasn't their idea, the @ replies weren't their ideas. He said they have a lot of user feedback and they have to shuffle people around to figure out how to make things work there. He said they can take turns when things start changing.
Howard asked Biz about Facebook coming to them and offering them $500 million to buy the company. Biz said that was back in 2008. Howard asked how they knew to turn it down. He said he could have been set for life. Howard asked who made that decision. Biz said it was him and Evan who went down and spoke to Mark Zuckerberg. they had no intention of selling the company. They did want to meet Mark though. He said it was fun but awkward. He said Mark went in and sat down on a chair and left him and Evan in a love seat. He said Evan asked if he should leave the door open or close it and Mark responded ''Yes.'' He said Evan closed the door just a little bit.
Biz said that Mark seemed like he had 12 people in his head and it was like he had gone through every conversation he could possibly have.
Biz told Howard he was told to go down and meet Evan in his car one day. He said he had no idea what was going on. He asked Evan if they were going to Google or something. He said Evan told him that they were going to Facebook. He said he threw out $500 million as a joke to Evan and they went with that number. He said when they were in the meeting Mark said he doesn't like talking numbers. He said Evan threw out ''five hundred'' and Mark said that was a big number. He said he never did say yes or no. He said Evan wrote Mark a note saying that they had no intention of selling the company. They were growing around the world and they were still just starting out. Biz said they wanted to carry it through. He said they think there's more potential than the $500 million there. He said there are many reasons to sell your company and none of that stuff was true for them.
Howard said it sounds like Zuckerberg didn't make them an offer. He said there was an offer of cash and stock but they turned it down. Howard said he heard that they were offered a lot of money for just part of the company. Biz said that they have taken investments.
Howard said he heard that they were rated by Goldman Sachs to be worth about $4 billion. He said he read about how much they make and it wasn't that mind blowing to him. He said they were only set to make like $200 million. Biz said that they hand select their advertisers and they're doing this thing where they do stuff with promoted tweets and promoted accounts and they ask the advertisers if the want to be part of it. He said they're working out very well so far but they don't have the infrastructure to take it further.
Howard asked what kind of money Biz is making. He said he has a salary that he pulls but he's not making millions. He said it's just a regular salary.
Howard sake if he's a modest guy or does he live in a mansion. He said he's just a regular, salaried guy. Howard asked if they're going to take it public and sell stock. Biz said they have to show that they can have a positive impact on the world and also make money doing it. He said they're going to show that over the next year or two.
Howard asked Biz if he's a millionaire or what? He said he looks like a kid. He asked how this is going to lead to him being a super wealthy guy. Biz said it's all based on potential. He said he makes a good salary and he has a mortgage on a 2000 square foot house. He leases a Mini. Howard asked if there's a temptation to sell so he can have some money in the bank. Biz said he guesses there is. He said he feels like it's going to be a good thing in the long run and they're going to do okay. He said they have worked their way into the global consciousness. It should work out okay.
Howard said he thinks that they have created something that will be part of the culture for a long time. Howard asked if he thinks that Twitter overthrew the Egyptian government. Biz said he thinks that the people did that. Twitter may have helped but it was the people who did it.
Howard asked about how loose they run things there at Twitter. Biz said they actually lost their verification thing last night when they pushed out some new updates. He said they can't go after every imposter that comes around. He said that they would like to have it much more automated eventually. He said they're verifying advertisers, politicians and celebrities. Howard said they're going to play a game with that in a minute. He said that it's very important to be verified. Biz said a lot of people want that check mark next to their name. He said that it's not something they designed on purpose to be a big deal. He said they have this Bronx Zoo snake asking to be verified now.
Howard said it makes it exciting when they do things like that. Howard asked Biz how aware he is of people like him joining Twitter. Biz said when Howard joins they have a lot of people in the office whispering about it. He said there are other people who they may find out in the news. He said the phone doesn't ring when someone like Charlie Sheen joins.
Howard said Ashton Kutcher had a lot of followers and he was the first to have a million on there. Howard said he asked Ashton if they had ever approached him to pay him. He said he thinks that he was kind of resentful about it when he realized that they hadn't done that. Biz said they never pay any celebrities. He said they allow people to send out millions of messages to fans for free. He said that there are no other services doing that. Howard said it is a great advertising platform for celebrities. Biz said that if it works for you then stay. If it's not working for you then you can leave.
Robin said that John Mayer announced he was leaving Twitter. Biz said that some people can get into trouble by doing something wrong on there. He said it can be the end of your career if you do something wrong.
Howard asked Biz if he's sorry he got married. Biz said it's been great for him. He said it feels like an overnight success but it's taken 11 years to have that. He said that it's been a wild ride and he's thrilled to be working on something that's had such an impact on the world.
Howard and Robin asked what's up with his name Biz. Biz said that his full name is Christopher Isaac Stone and when he was a kid he wasn't able to say Christopher. He said ''Bizofer'' and that eventually led to him getting the nickname Biz.
Howard asked Biz where he grew up. He said he grew up in the Boston area. He said they grew up very poor and his mother inherited a nice house and he got to go to a really nice school. He said the kids didn't know that they were poor. He said his father hasn't been around since he was a kid. He said he hasn't spoken to his dad in about 10 years now. He said he has some health issues and he didn't recognize him when he saw him 10 years ago. He said he has some substance problems. Biz said he may have brothers and sisters that he doesn't know about.
Howard asked Biz if he supports his mother and sisters. He said he does to a certain extent. Howard asked if he hates his dad. Biz said he doesn't. He said he's just estranged from him. He said they were divorced when he was very young and they'd go out and do things on Sundays. He said no one was having fun on those Sundays. Biz said he eventually started to think about how he could be out riding bikes with his friends instead of hanging out with his dad. He said he's still friends with his buddy Mark Ginsberg and not with his dad.
Howard asked Biz if his mom is verified on Twitter. He said she's not but now that he's talking about her on here he may have to.
Howard asked Biz if he could have his guys come in and argue why they should be verified. He asked if he would verify the winner. Howard said he knows Bubba the Love Sponge wants to be verified too but he can't be there.
JD came in and said he has about 82,000 followers. Howard said Benjy wants to be verified too. Jason came in and said he has two accounts and has 24,000 followers on his main account. Ronnie came in too. Ronnie said he's been impersonated more than once and they shut the wrong account down. Brian Phelan came in and said he wanted verification too.
Howard had each person tell their story. Ronnie told Biz his story first. He said that his impersonators are using his name and insulting people.
Next up we heard JD pleading his story. JD said he has over 80,000 people and he has people impersonating him. He's also a social misfit. He also argued that Robin should be verified. Biz said that was very nice. Howard said JD thinks that he can get laid by being verified.
Brian said that he has only 2000 followers and he needs more. He thinks that he should be verified. He said that Biz could make him a celebrity by verifying him.
Jason gave his argument and said that he's been on Twitter for years and he's an advocate of Twitter and he takes it very seriously. He has two accounts because people complain about his political Tweets so he opened a second one. Jason is looking for the first one to be verified.
Benjy argued his case next. Benjy said he loves Twitter and loves what they're doing for the world. He said he is impersonated all the time and they stole his friends and parents away from his real account.
Howard asked Biz what he thinks about all of this. Biz said you don't use it to get famous or to meet chicks. He said that verification is designed so you're not impersonated. He said that the winner should be Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said they owe him something for the screw up with his account. JD still thinks that he should be the one. He said it sucks but he has to live with it. Howard said Ronnie finally won something. He asked how long that's going to take. Biz said they should get it done today. Ronnie said he has to make sure they give it to the right person.
Howard said he gets criticized by people all the time with the stuff he Tweets. Biz said he saw some of Howard's stuff and he saw his response to a guy who told him to tweet something funny instead of answering his fans. Howard told the guy ''I'll leave the funny to you, genius.''
Biz said that the rest of the guys can keep Twittering and maybe they'll be verified some day. Benjy and JD got in plugs for their accounts before Howard wrapped up with Biz.
Howard said they all have good fun with Twitter. He thanked him for the site and wrapped up. Biz said he's a vegan and he saw Robin out once. Next time he sees her at his favorite restaurant he'll say hi to her. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played a Norm MacDonald stand-up bit about Alcoholics Anonymous. That was from his Comedy Central ''Me Doing Stand Up'' special. Howard said norm was there with Kevin Farley. He said he always travels in bunches.
Kevin Farley came in with Norm. Howard said he likes that he brings his friends in with him. Robin said that it seems like he has something to hide when he comes in with a friend. norm said he was jazzed that he just met the guy from Twitter. He's actually verified over there. Howard said he doesn't even know how he got verified. Norm didn't know either.
Howard and norm talked about Biz for a few minutes since Norm had just let him. Howard said they seem very casual over there at Twitter. Howard said he didn't think of Norm as a twitter guy. Norm said he wasn't. He said 5 years ago he didn't care if some guy got a hamburger. He said he just started doing this a few weeks ago and now he has over 100,000 followers. He said he can't do the retweeting thing or things like that. He just knows how to do the Tweets. He said he had a girl doing it a couple of years ago but he stopped her from doing it when he realized what she was writing.
Howard said Norm disappeared for a while there. He said this has kind of stopped the mystique of Norm now that he's out there. Norm said he had a guy tell him that he could Tweet whenever he wanted. He figured he'd start doing it during the Academy Awards and he got addicted to doing it because it was so much fun.
Howard asked Norm if he was vicious during the awards. Norm said they were the worst awards ever. He said he had some mean ones during the show. He said he said something about how Kirk Douglas would end up in the death dedications if it dragged out any longer.
Howard talked to Norm about the Kirk Douglas thing and how he went on and on during the show. Norm said he tweeted whatever he was thinking and then realized what he was putting out there. He said it's good that he doesn't drink or do drugs. Then he'd be in trouble. He said he could end up like Gilbert. He asked Howard what happened with Gilbert and Aflac. Howard said Gilbert was doing so well with that whole thing and they apparently didn't tell him that they do 75 percent of their business in Japan.
Norm said he did an audition for Aflac. He said they wanted him to do all kinds of different Aflac things and he just wanted to get the fuck out of there. He said the woman told him to just have fun with it and he hates that. He said he just wanted to say ''Aflac'' and get the fuck out. He said he was stuck with this guy who has a had on and he realized he didn't have a lot of time left with his life and just had to get out of there. Howard asked norm if he put any energy into it. Norm said he didn't. He said it was all shit.
Howard asked Norm if he auditioned for Saturday Night Live. Norm said he was told to just come to New York and do two impressions and two characters for them. He said he didn't have any of those. Norm said he wasn't going to go but they called him to be a writer. He wrote himself onto the show.
Norm said he had an audition in L.A. once where this casting agent asked him to come and meet these people in this show. He had this big part to memorize and it's really hard to do that. He said when he did the Norm Show he had a hard time remembering the script too. Norm said that he just remembers the line and emphasizes one word in the sentence. Norm said he went to this meeting and this casting agent was all worked up about it. He said he read his lines and didn't get any laughs. He said the casting agent asked him what he was doing. He said the guy wanted him to do the lines funny but he didn't know how to do that.
Howard asked Norm if he treats his acting seriously. Norm said he took classes. He said his teacher told him he had to believe in what he was doing and he just couldn't do it. Howard said he remembers Norm doing his Burt Reynolds and David Letterman impressions on SNL but he wouldn't believe he was those people.
Howard asked Norm if he got a call from Letterman after doing his impression of him. Norm said he didn't want to do the impression and make fun of Dave because he likes the guy. He said he was trying to do an exact impression of him. He said he got a call from Dave the next day and he wasn't bringing up the impression. He said it was awkward. He knows Dave is awkward but he's just as awkward. Howard said he doesn't get that from Norm. He jokingly told him that he can't imagine him doing that.
Norm said he talked to Dave and how stupid the audiences are at his show. He said he told Dave they're stupid there too and ended up arguing with him. He said he told Dave he did that impression of him the night before. Dave said he didn't mind it and Dave told him that he didn't like Joe Piscopo doing the impression of him. Norm said he can actually do an impression of Joe doing his impression of Dave. He did some of that for Howard.
Howard said Norm got fired from SNL for not being funny. Howard said he thought Norm was great at it. He asked if he thought that was the end of his career. Norm said he didn't care that much. He said he's not a furnace of ambition. Howard asked if he's broke now. Norm said he's not broke. He said he doesn't need munch money to live. He said he pays a lot for his kid. He has a house but no car. He said he just lives in his apartment. He said he has some money saved in the bank. He said he has like $118,000 or so.
Norm said his dream was to get on the David Letterman show. He said he never understood Carson. He said he liked Letterman. Howard asked if he would go on Leno's show. Norm said he would. Howard said he picks sides and he will only go with one person. Howard said ''Fuck Jay Leno.'' He wanted Norm to say the same but Norm just laughed.
Howard said Norm is starting a new TV show and he's out promoting that today. Norm said it's a sports show. Howard said he hates sports. Norm said this is perfect for him then. Howard asked Kevin if he's involved in the new show. Kevin said hopefully he is. He said Norm has been teaching him comedy and he's been opening up for him on the road.
Norm said the biggest trouble is that they compare him to his brother Chris. Kevin said his brother didn't even do stand-up. He said he was more of a sketch guy. Norm said that he looks a lot like Chris Farley. Chris said that people come up to him saying he looks like Chris and when they find out he's his brother and he does comedy, they just say ''Oh'' in a disappointed way.
Norm said that Kevin does all of this ''fuckin fag improv shit'' and he has to get him out of that. Howard asked why he has to get him out of it. Norm said he did it once in his life. He was at a club with Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles. He said that they were doing it for like 20 years and they called him up there to play a game. He said they do this freeze game. He has to tell them to freeze and take over and change what they're doing. He said he'd watch and think of something and someone else would do it before he could get something out. Norm said he waited for someone to bend down and started fucking his ass. He said it killed.
Howard said he heard that Norm got heckled so bad once that the guy threw firecrackers at him and they didn't even kick him out. Norm said that's true. He said he heard what he thought was gun shots. He said he asked to have the guy kicked out but he was a regular in the bar he was working at so he refused to kick him out.
Howard asked Norm if he hates going out and doing the shows. Norm said he has a problem going through crowds. He said he has the feeling he's going to have a heart attack or something. He said he has been to the psychiatrist 4 times but that was it. He said he was making shit up in those sessions. He said he'd exaggerate his stories.
Norm told Howard about going to those sessions and asked Howard what he's supposed to do for an hour. He wasn't sure how long it was supposed to take to do something like that. Howard said you take your time and do it. Norm wondered why it would take that long for the doctor to figure out what you're all about. Howard said you have to do it as a slow process.
Howard asked Norm what he was rated by the Comedy Central people as far as comedians. He's rated number 83. Norm said that he read the top 20 on that list and they didn't have the great ones like Redd Foxx and people like that.
Howard asked who his idol was. Norm said that it was Sam Kinison. He said he loved that he'd get the people to walk out of the rooms when he'd do his thing. He said Kinison would go up to people and tell them not to get married in a room full of couples who were dating.
Howard said Norm will develop a story and not just get to the punch line right away. He said he must not like those guys who do joke after joke. Norm said he did like Rodney Dangerfield. Norm said he wrote all of his own jokes. Robin said Jackie claimed that Rodney bought jokes from him. They had an argument on the air once about that.
Norm told some stories about Rodney and said that he met him and made the worst mistake ever. He said he was coming down in the casino on the elevator and Rodney was in there with him. He said he had worked on some stupid thing with some director and he used that to break the ice. He told Rodney about the director and Rodney called the guy a cocksucker and got all upset with him.
Howard said Rodney was great. He said he did the Tonight Show with Jay Leno once and Rodney called him at his house and told him how great he was. He said Rodney told him no one ever called him and told him that kind of thing so he wanted to let him know he did good.
Norm said Rodney did SNL once with him. He said he got to meet with him back stage and talked to him about what shit it was waiting around back stage all the time. Rodney told him to remember that doing stand-up was the thing. Then he paused and told him that stand-up is shit too.
Howard asked if Richard Pryor was his hero too. Norm said he was. Howard said he heard his last TV appearance was on Norm's show. Norm said he was doing that show with Artie and Richard was really funny. He said Richard told a story about watching TV and people saying that he has the AIDS and he started to think maybe he has the AIDS. Norm said when Richard was on the show he was in the wheelchair and spit things coming out of his mouth. He said he wanted to abandon the whole thing but Richard wanted to do it. Norm said that his wife told him that Richard was really nervous. He said she asked him to go up to him and kiss him because he likes physical affection. Norm said he went up and hugged him and told him how great he is. About a half hour later his buddy came up to him and said that Richard thought he's a fag. Norm said it was his stupid fucking wife that made him do that.
Howard said he thought Soupy Sales was great when he was growing up. He said Don Rickles was god to him. He said that Don was on the show and he also sent him a note about how great he was on his last Letterman appearance. Howard said Stamos may have been forcing him to send him that note.
Norm was upset that Stamos is friends with Don and they're not. Norm said that he worked with Don on ''Dirty Work.'' Kevin was in that too. Norm said Frank Sinatra was dying during the time they were shooting ''Dirty Work'' so he asked Don about that. Norm said that Don was goofing on the guy as he was dying. He said Don is the real thing.
Kevin said he was in awe of Don Rickles. He said he went up to him at the end of the day and told him what a fan he was. He said being around him was an honor. Don just made a crying noise and told him ''Get outta here you fag.''
Howard said he still has a hard time watching the SNL retrospective's with Chris Farley. He said he gets bummed. Norm said that Chris wanted to go on Howard's show but he was scared. They tried to talk him into it. He said that Chris was a really a great guy and he wouldn't say no to anyone who offered him a drink or anything. Norm said Kevin doesn't have that curse.
Howard asked Kevin about doing the stand-up and going out on the road with Norm. Norm said that people are okay with gay people so he will go out and get a hair cut and ask the guy about who gets the top and who gets the bottom. He said he asked one guy who decides and the guy told him that it's like two elks who fight over it. He said that the relationships would change based on who had the upper hand. He said he was fascinated by that.
Norm said people pretend to be cool with the gay thing but they're not. He said he was out once with a bunch of celebrities. He said he told them that he had his lover and best friend with him and everyone gets weirded out.
Howard said he's excited about Norm returning to TV. Norm said he was excited to be there. Norm said that he's going to be doing a Weekend Update type of thing but it'll be with sports. Norm said they tested the show and everyone loved it. Even ''broads and fags.'' Howard said he usually gets canned so what's his prediction for this show. Norm said that he can't act so of course he gets canned. He said this thing should be good though.
Norm said he met this director Milosh Forman who wanted to put him in a movie after seeing him on SNL. He said that he wanted to give him a big part but he talked him into doing a small part in ''The People Vs. Larry Flynt.'' He said he got a part as a reporter in that. He went and did the movie and Milosh told him to drive up in a car but he can't drive. He said he had to do this scene with Woody Harrleson. He said Milosh told him not to worry too much about the script and just do whatever. Norm said that good actors can do something really different. He said he doesn't even hear what they're saying when they're talking to him. Norm said that Woody kept asking him if he wanted a beer. He said he thought the guy was just talking to him like a regular person and there was nothing fake about it. He said he was such a good actor he didn't know they were doing a scene.
Howard and Robin asked if he ever got to meet Larry Flynt. Norm said he met Larry at this dinner once and he met him out in the hall after. He said he just mumbled something to him. He said he got really uncomfortable with him. He said he looks at them and hopes they can't see the horror in his eyes. He said he got close to Larry and Larry told him to come out and visit him and he'll take care of him. He said he was thinking in his head that he wanted to fuck him or maybe he'd set him up with some chick and then Larry would wheel in whacking off.
Howard wrapped up and gave Norm a plug for ''Sport Show'' which will be on Comedy Central on April 12th. Norm told Howard what he was tweeting and Howard jokingly said he was born for Twitter. Howard said that you can also go see Norm and Kevin doing comedy together. Howard said he misses Norm and he's glad he got to see him. Howard said that he feels he's in touch with him on Twitter now. Norm said he has to figure out how to do the Direct Messaging. Norm asked Howard if he can tell everyone to follow Howard Stern and Howard will do the same. Howard said he'll do that today when he gets home today.
Howard asked if he has an iPhone. Norm said the Blackberry is too complicated so he's going to get one of those iPhones. Howard said he's been using one and he can use that fake keyboard. Norm said he thinks he'll be able to do that.
Norm said his dad hated anything fantastical and he hated The Twilight Zone. He said he loved it himself but his dad hated it. He said his father walked by and pointed to one of the people on the show and said ''I bet this one is a fuckin ghost.'' He said that ruined the show for him for life. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran through the stuff they were going to be talking about today. That led to Howard asking Jon why he didn't come in and ask to be verified. Jon said it's not that important to him. Robin said it's not for her either. They also spent a minute talking about Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie the Pet lady for a minute.
Howard said Rosie told him she didn't want that kind of pressure. Robin said Rosie still has it. Jon said that they bought 130 episodes so that's a huge thing for Harpo. Howard read about what Rosie was saying and how Oprah is happy to bring Rosie to that studio she's been using for 30 years now.
Howard said it's going to be hard for Rosie to operate on that channel because not many people are watching it. He said he didn't think she wanted that pressure anymore. Robin said she thinks the pressure was from her being closeted.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin got a laugh out of that one. Fred also threw in a Debbie the Pet Lady ''Robin'' clip a couple of times.
Robin started her news with a story about a study that was done about neat and messy desks and who they think does more work. Howard said he likes organization but it does look like JD, Richard and Sal are working their asses off and they have messy desks. Howard said he likes to see Gary's desk neatly organized. He said Steve Langford is a great worker and his desk is a mess. He said it depends on the job.
Robin read a story about a woman who fed her kids edible marijuana. She was also beating them on a regular basis. Robin said she had mushrooms and marijuana in the house so she was locked up on a variety of charges.
Howard said they got a bunch of calls from people after Biz was on. He said they have @SternShow where they tweet stuff from the show. Howard said some people were confused by that.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot himself in the groin and claimed that it was someone else who shot him. Authorities figured out that he had shot himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would support Beth going on Dancing with the Stars if he retired. Howard said it would be hard for him to support that. She has turned down the offer a couple of times. He said she knows it's ridiculously desperate to do that show. He said it's kind of bottom of the barrel-ish. He wouldn't be supportive of that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why Robin wears two bras when she runs. Howard said he could answer that. He said she's got huge tits. The woman on the phone said she's big too. She's a 40-DD. Robin said she wears two sports bras when she runs. That led to Fred playing a Psych song parody about Robin's boobs.
Howard said he heard that Lisa G wears 6 bras at once. Robin said she thinks that it inhibits her breathing. Howard said of course it does. He said she has to get strapped in like that just to go for a jog. Howard said any guy who thinks that's funny should think about their balls being as big as Robin's boobs and trying to run like that.
Robin read about some girls whose parents were arrested for keeping their kids locked up in a filthy room. One of the kids escaped the house and told the neighbors what was going on.
Robin read a story about how the iPod of the future could be powered by the human heart. Robin said that they're developing a way to keep things working just by the movement of the human body. Howard said that sounds genius. Howard said those are the scientists names they should know. Robin said they don't give names in the story. Howard said he wants to be hooked up with those power supplies. He did a live commercial after that.
Fred played another Little Mikey song parody about Robin wearing two bras when she runs. Robin got back to her news and read a story about a woman who won a ''Miss Jail'' contest. She won a spot in a special training program and some money for her jail bank account.
Robin read about what's going on in Japan with the nuclear power plants. Fred threw in Gilbert Gottfried laughing as she was talking about that. Robin said they say 27,000 people are dead or missing in Japan because of the earthquake and tsunami. Robin said they're also finding radioactive material in the water over there. Robin had some audio of a guy in Japan talking about the situation over there.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking to Brian Williams about what's going on in Libya. Howard wondered if there was any good revolution music coming out about what's going on around the world. He said Libya must be coming up with some great rock tunes. Robin said she's not sure they like rock.
Robin read about senator Chuck Shumer talking about things on a line he didn't know was open and got caught instructing people what to say. Robin had some audio of that. Robin said that John Boehner had some things to add to that discussion too.
King of All Blacks said he's going to get an iPad 2 or a Macbook. He asked which one he should get. Howard said it depends on your needs. King said he wants to check some email and watch some videos. Howard told him to get the iPad 2. He said he can't watch DVDs on it. He can download movies though. Howard said he downloaded Inception and Megamind on his last night.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Howard how great he thought Norm MacDonald was today. Howard quickly went over that with him and let him go.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about what's going on in Libya. She also had some audio of a guy talking about how we can't keep blaming every Muslim for what happened on 9/11. Howard said we don't need to be told that. He said they need someone to tell us how to identify terrorists. He said this guy is treating them like idiots. He said he's preaching the obvious to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had some great interviews today. He said Norm was great today and kind of boring the last time he was on. He said he's getting tired of Little Mikey and he's sick of Ronnie's bad moustache. Fred through in a bunch of Ronnie ''dude'' clips during that discussion.
Robin said they have released some audio from the day Ronald Reagan was shot and they initially thought he wasn't shot. They were going to go to the White House. Then they changed course and headed to the hospital. Robin had Howard play some of that audio. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the upcoming royal wedding over in England. Robin asked if they care. Howard said he doesn't care but the chick is super hot. He said he's seen her in a lot of bikini shots. Howard said he seems like a young man who is losing his hair. He said he's morphing into his dad. He said he'll never get to be king. He said he must have a great life though. Howard said he should get some Appecia from India.
Robin read about a guy who wants to be the voice of the Aflac duck. Howard said it seems like everyone who comes in there wants to be the duck. Howard said maybe he should be trying out for it. Robin said this guy in the news says he needs the job due to the NFL lock out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's retiring from being a cop today. Howard told him to be careful today because he's seen so many movies where cops retire and then something huge happens. The guy said that he's going to stay in the office today.
Robin read about how Charlie Sheen's shows may have sold out to scalpers and now his tickets aren't selling on those sites. Howard said he can't imagine what he's going to do at those shows. He said he isn't a stand-up comic. Robin said they start doing shows on Saturday so they'll have to see how it goes.
Robin read about motocross racer James ''Bubba'' Stewart getting arrested for pulling over some cops while impersonating some cops. The cops pulled out their badges and Bubba and his friend took off. Robin had some audio of the cops explaining what happened. Robin wondered what he's doing. Robin said he must have too much free time. Howard figured he was trying to pick up chicks but Robin said they pulled over two guys so it wasn't about the chicks.
Robin had some clips of some people talking about their movies. Howard played those clips and didn't last long with those. Howard said he's amazed at a guy like Eric Bana who can get rid of his accent for his movie ''Hanna.'' Robin said there's another movie coming out called ''Super'' and she had some Liv Tyler audio. She had her talking about her father being on American Idol as a judge.
Robin said that actor Farley Granger has passed away. Robin said that he was on Dallas for a while. Howard said that he thinks he was trying to get Miss Ellie on the show. Robin had some audio of him talking about a movie he had done with Alfred Hitchcock. Robin said he was 85 years old.
Robin said that they say Kevin Federline is going to be a dad again. She wondered if they really need another Federline.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the story Robin read about the iPod running off your heart is actually an April Fools joke that comes out every few years. Howard said it must be a joke. He thanked the guy for the heads up. They ended the show around 10:05am.
Gary said that he thought the guy was pretty normal but maybe a little geeky. He said he's a pretty young guy. Gary said that one point that came up during that discussion. He was telling Biz that it was a great time to start a new company when he's married but doesn't have any kids yet. Gary said that was the opposite of what he said to Sussy last week. Benjy said that crossed his mind too.
The guys talked about the deal that Biz and his partners turned down from Mark Zuckerberg. Jason said that was their most retweeted thing they Tweeted out during the show.
The guys talked about how they get why Biz wouldn't want to sell the company yet. Gary said they spoke to that guy who started Famous Amos cookies and he sold his company way too soon for a couple million. Someone else made even more money with it after he made his money.
The guys also talked about how he has a normal house and isn't rolling in the money yet. Jon said when you value a company at 4 billion it doesn't mean you have that money. Jon said his attitude was very loose. Gary said Howard said it was like a hippy company. They seem to know what they're doing.
Jon moved on to the verification process. Jon said a bunch of the guys want to be verified. Jon said he thought JD was going to get it. Then Biz picked Ronnie as the one. He gave it to him because so many people pose as Ronnie even though he's only been on for a couple of weeks. Gary said he was also saying that some of the guys were trying to get verified for the wrong reasons like for picking up girls.
Benjy said he thinks that they'll all be verified eventually. Gary said he spoke to a woman in the green room and she was telling him that it's a lot harder to get verified these days than it used to be. She said that if you have it linked to a web site that helps get you verified. Jason said that Gary getting verified happened when it was almost impossible. Gary said he has no idea how he got verified.
Scott DePace came in and said that he figures that Biz is making less than $200,000 a year if he's living in a 2000 square foot home. Jon said maybe he's choosing to live that way. Scott said if you're a young guy you want to live it up and want the best of everything. Jason said that's just Scott. That's not everyone.
Jason said that maybe they're just being responsible because they don't want to be the next Myspace. Gary said that he was trying to explain to his son what AOL was at one point and how they were the one big thing at the time. He said his son couldn't believe that.
Scott was talking about how he doesn't get the whole Twitter thing and doesn't care what anyone there is Tweeting. Gary said he follows David Pogue from the NY Times and people like that. Benjy said that they are part of the Howard Stern show and it is interesting to see what other people are saying.
Gary asked Scott if he can go on and only follow who you like, why would you care. Scott said he doesn't want to follow anyone in there. Benjy said people are usually more interested in people they don't know.
Scott said it seems like a very narcissistic thing to do to be on Twitter. Scott said he must not be like that. Jason said that Scott just came in there and told them that he doesn't care about anyone else's opinions, only his own, but he's not narcissistic?
Jason and Gary were trying to explain to Scott what the whole Twitter thing is about and why it's important to be verified. Gary said that maybe there are people pretending to be him and how verification would help. Jason said he wants to be verified because it's a rare thing. He said they have like 165 million people on Twitter and only a handful of them are verified. He said it's kind of a cool thing. Scott said it would kind of ruin it if Jason was verified.
Gary asked Scott if the director of the show ''Baggage'' got verified and he didn't, would he be upset. Scott said that's a hypothetical thing and he doesn't care. He wouldn't care if Brian Phelan got verified and he didn't. He's not even on Twitter so he doesn't care.
JD said there's a viral video going around with this Antwon guy and he got verified in like 24 hours. It's all very strange. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked why he was cutting everyone off with his 30 seconds today. Ronnie said that everyone else got more time than he did. He said JD would have gotten an hour if he didn't cut him off.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's okay with Gary. Ronnie said he's fine. He's always been fine. Gary said he professed his love for Ronnie in a Tweet.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's getting any negative feedback about this. Ronnie said the only people who are giving him bad stuff are the haters. He said the people who are impersonating him are the only ones.
Jon asked Ronnie who he thinks is the most immature there. Ronnie said he didn't want to pick but he went with Sal. He said he thinks that Richard is more immature than he is too. Jon asked why that was. Ronnie said they're always clowning around there. He said it's just too much.
Gary said he always thinks back to the time Richard tried to get elves to tuck him in at a place he stayed at. Ronnie had to get going a short time later. He said he had a very important Verified member meeting to get to.
Jon got back to JD and said he thinks that he's masking his disappointment. JD said he is disappointed but he wasn't expecting the verified thing. He's used to things not going his way.
Benjy asked JD if he felt any kind of ''wow'' while he was inside of the stripper he was banging. JD said there are moments when he feels that but he never expects anything good to happen to him, ever.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they should extend the show until 11:30 at least. He said he also wanted to talk about how Gary has been picking on Ronnie a lot lately. He said they seem to treat him like he's a 60 year old creep who is messing around with 18 year old strippers and things like that. He said that's the way they treat him and he can't understand why. JD was just about crying during the call. He said he thought it was the funniest call ever.
Jon said that Gary got accused of acting a certain way toward Ronnie and then Robin and Fred said that he does that to everyone. Gary said he knows that he does that and he's been accused of doing it before. Gary said he's been accused of hijacking discussions but he has to talk to people sometimes and he can't think about anything else so he just gets sucked into it.
JD had a tear running down his face from laughing so hard. JD said he had to listen back to that call because it was so funny.
Jon got back to Biz and asked the guys what they thought about him talking about how they don't pay celebrities to do anything on the site. Gary said he missed a lot of the conversation so he wondered if they talked about celebrities taking money to promote stuff on Twitter. They quickly discussed that.
Brian Phelan came in and said that he only got about 100 followers after going in during the interview. They spent a minute talking to him and then went to another break.
Jon asked JD what he thought of Norm's thoughts on improv. He said he thought it was funny the way he basically called it gay.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has been on fire with interrupting people lately. Gary interrupted the guy and asked if he interrupted him. The caller said he just did. He went on to tell Gary he's wrong about parents coaching at a high school level. Jon said he's seen some. The caller said he's seen some. Gary said he only knows where he lives. The caller said that's not what he told Howard the other day. Gary cut him off and said he had to move along.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie is the first guy to be verified with 69 in his handle. Benjy said he thinks that there's a way to check so they might be able to make a game out of that.
Jon asked if Robin really doesn't care that she's not verified. Gary said she really doesn't seem to care. He said she might be telling the truth about that.
Jon asked JD about how he tried to get verified. JD said it didn't work out. He said he went to the Sirius PR person and that didn't work. He said Matthew Berry asked if he needed his help. He said he knows people and he asked if he could help. Jon said that blue check mark means a lot to a lot of people there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Ronnie didn't respond to the phone caller who was giving him all of those compliments. Gary said he wasn't in there at the time. The caller said he sent in a video for Gary and wondered if he had seen it. His bird says Baba Booey Howard Stern in the morning when he turns on the radio.
Jon asked if the Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie the Pet Lady thing is going to end well. All of the guys said it won't end well. Gary said she already wondered why Ed wasn't interested in her anymore after they were done having sex. Benjy suggested that Debbie not pay for him to come down. He said that she should let him find a way down himself. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a nice night with his daughter who came in from California. He went out to dinner with her. He said she's a great kid. Robin asked what she was doing home. Howard said she's just visiting. Howard said it made him sad. He said she's not home visiting enough. He's going out to visit her soon too. Robin said the visits are very close together. Howard said it's just coincidence.
Robin said that Howard used to see her every day and then she grew up and moved away. Robin said they go away and never come home. Howard said he takes it personally. Robin said he should, that's what she's saying.
Howard said he was over at Nobu. His daughter is now a vegetarian. She's also a yoga instructor. He said that goes hand in hand. He said they had a bunch of vegetarian treats at Nobu. Robin said she loves them for that. Howard said he and Beth are trying to work their way into a vegetarian kind of thing but it doesn't seem to be happening. Howard said you don't see a lot of Yoga instructors at McDonald's.
Howard said he stayed up to watch American Idol and the judges have nothing negative to say about anyone. He said he doesn't have a favorite that he wants to vote for. He said he really gets annoyed with Jennifer Lopez when she opens her mouth. He said she's really attractive though. He said she starts to talk and she sounds so phony. He said it just bothers him. He still watches the show though.
Howard said he didn't see Dancing with the Stars with that guy who beat up Rihanna. Robin said there's supposed to be this paying your dues thing and being able to move on with your life. Howard said the guy just went on a rampage at Good Morning America. Robin said that's because he was asked about something that happened to him 2 years ago. Howard said he shouldn't be on TV then. Robin said the same thing went on with OJ. Robin said she thinks there's an over sensitivity to things like this and how long you're supposed to be reminded of this stuff. Howard said he thinks they should remind Chris of what he did for a very long time.
The caller told Howard he's the greatest interviewer and that guy who called yesterday and said the show isn't any good anymore should go fuck himself. He said it was classic Howard the way he shot back at the guy.
Howard said he doesn't understand why people listen if they don't like the show anymore. The caller said he did think that the shows were a little weak last week. He said that his show is better than any show in the history of TV and entertainment. Howard said he was blushing from all of his high praise.
Howard said he can't do this job because he doesn't like sitting and evaluating which show is good and which is bad. He mentioned that when he'd listen to Celebrity Superfan Roundtable he would hear them talking about how good the show is and then get a horrible feeling inside that he's going to disappoint them the next day. He said everything makes him mental. He said if you don't like the show, stop listening because you'll be doing him a favor and doing yourself a favor.
Howard said he hopes that he doesn't hurt her. Robin said he's definitely going to hurt her. Howard played some of the audio of their call to Shuli. Shuli let them go on and on arguing with each other.
Howard said they just met and they're already arguing with each other. He said he can't get enough of those two. Robin said this is going to be over in a flash. She said he's going to have to keep up with it every day.
Howard played some more of the audio and Ed was saying he didn't want her to use him for sex. Debbie freaked out on him and screamed at him. Then Shuli asked them to have some phone sex. Howard said that was gross.
In another clip Shuli asked Ed about Debbie putting something in his ass. Debbie said she put a dildo in there to plug him up. Ed eventually said he let her put part of her finger in there. Ed said it felt okay too.
Howard said they're perfect for each other. He said that she's hyper and he's calm. He said Ed doesn't even get worked up when she's screaming at him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was jealous of that situation but after hearing that he's sick to his stomach and may throw up. Howard said he heard from some people who were jealous. He said people couldn't believe that people were fighting over Ed. Howard said people are bummed about it.
Howard said he's pretty sure this won't last long. They won't be seeing the 10 year anniversary of those two. He asked yesterday on Twitter what Debbie's name would be. Would it be Ass Napkin Debbie or Debbie Napkin. He said it might end up being Ed Napkin Pet Lady.
Howard had another clip of Shuli talking to Ed about what he loves about Debbie. Ed said she's very tight. Debbie screamed asking what's up with that and why it's a good thing. Howard wondered why she was freaking out about that. Robin said maybe she thinks it's a private thing or he should be saying she's pretty or something. Howard said that's a great fit. Ed has a great way with a woman.
Howard said Debbie is already trying to change Ed and she's only been with him for 3 minutes. She was screaming at him not to say this stuff. Howard told Gary to cancel the flowers he sent to Beth with the note saying that he loves how tight she is.
Howard said that Ronnie got some tickets yesterday and they were for tinted windows. Ronnie tried to explain that they're allowed to tint windows in a limo and the guy wouldn't listen.
Howard asked Ronnie to come in but he wasn't around. Howard said Ronnie got pulled over and within seconds Steve Langford was on the phone with him. Some guy in a truck recognized him and called Howard 100 News. Howard said they're following everything out there. He told Robin not to do anything weird.
Ronnie finally came in and told Howard he was going out to get Debra picked up. He said he was going toward the toll booth and all of a sudden this cop flies up behind him and he's with the bridge and toll police. He said some of them carry guns and some don't. He said they are real law enforcement officers though.
Ronnie said the guy got up behind him and told him to continue through the toll plaza and then pull over. Then the guy asks him if he realizes how dark his windows are. He said he's been driving a limo for 30 years and they're all tinted like that. Then the cop tells him it's illegal and out of control and he has to take the tint off the windows. Ronnie said he didn't argue. He said he gave him his stuff and then the guy went off and wrote up some tickets. He said he saw he wasn't cool so he didn't argue with him. Ronnie said the guy said the only way he could have the windows tinted like that is if he had a medical license. Ronnie said he checked with a light meter and told him this was totally out of control. He said the guy wasn't even a new guy, he was an older guy.
Ronnie said the cop went off and wrote up his tickets and came back and asked if he had any questions. Ronnie said he asked why he was getting two tickets. He said he wrote him one for the front and one for the back. He said he almost started laughing because this is almost unheard of. Howard said maybe it was the moustache. Ronnie said the guy had a similar moustache so it wasn't that.
Ronnie said he just looked at the guy and didn't say anything when he told him why he was ticketing him. Ronnie said he didn't have the window all the way down but there was a truck driver who drove by and started honking. He said a few minutes later he got a call from Langford. He said Langford heard about him getting pulled over.
Ronnie said he has a lawyer guy who will take care of the tickets for him. Howard said he feels Ronnie's pain. Driving isn't easy and he can't believe they're busting his balls for tint in his windows. Ronnie said the first thing the cops usually do is tell people to roll the windows down. Howard said maybe the cop thought he was Wild Bill Hickock and he wanted to have a duel with him.
Howard said he finds himself staring at that moustache Ronnie has. He said it's really distracting. Ronnie said he likes his look. Howard said that's fine. He said his face reminds him of hairy vagina. Ronnie said he's not trying to be a porn guy or anything. He said he just likes the look.
Howard said Ronnie is dying his hair too. Ronnie said he's not dying his hair. He did his beard but not his hair. He used ''Just for Men'' on his beard. Fred threw in a couple of Ronnie ''Dude'' clips in the middle of that.
Howard said Ronnie looks like one of those guys in an old Western who is playing cards and drinking. He looks like the guy that runs out of the bar when trouble arrives.
Howard asked the caller if he started following Ronnie yesterday. The guy said he started a couple of weeks ago. The guy said he was fascinated with his account yesterday.
Howard played some audio of Scott on Wrap Up talking about how he doesn't understand Twitter and why anyone would want to follow anyone. Howard said Scott is a bright guy but he's stupid. He said he doesn't have to follow everyone that everyone else follows.
Howard tried explaining to Scott why people follow people on Twitter. Scott said Howard was making his argument. He said that there should only be like 1000 people on there that are celebrities. Howard said Scott just doesn't get it. Scott wondered why anyone would want to know what Jason is doing or what Jon Hein is doing. Robin said he doesn't have to follow those people. Scott said he's just giving his opinion.
Howard said Adrianne Curry is his favorite person to follow. He said that he never thought he'd want to follow her but she can't tweet enough of her ass. He said he loves that she's doing that all the time. He said she might be the best person on Twitter. Ronnie told him to check out ILikeGirlsDaily because they constantly put pictures up of hot chicks.
Howard said he was afraid to put up pictures on Twitter because he thought he was going to be showing his geo tags. He said someone told him they don't post that information on there though.
Gary said that there are people who want to know what Jon and Jason are doing. Scott doesn't get it. Howard tried arguing some more but gave up. He said he didn't know why he was doing this. He told Scott he was done.
Sal came in and told Howard how to avoid the geo tagging thing from going through by saving the picture with a different name. Howard said he didn't want to go through the hassle. He said he doesn't want extra steps. He said he just wants to be able to post pictures. Ronnie asked how you do that from your phone. Howard said it's very simple. He told him how he can just click on the picture and it gives you the option to do it.
Gary told Howard to send out a photo now and they'll check it out to see if it puts the geo tagging info in there. Howard said he will do that, that's a good idea. Howard told Benjy to whip out his cock and he'll take a shot of that. Richard came in and asked if he could take a picture of his ass. Howard said he didn't want that on his Twitter.
Howard asked what he could take a picture of. Gary said they could take a shot of Jason's back. Howard said Robin might have to get topless ''T-O-P-L-E-S-S.'' Robin had a new tattoo that she hasn't shown anyone. She showed it to Howard and Howard took a picture of it and tried to put it up on his Twitter account @HowardStern. He said he had to type in his whole user name and all of that.
Howard asked the Howard TV guys not to put his password on Howard TV. Howard eventually put the picture up. Robin's tattoo is on her wrist near the scar she has from the wrist surgery she had. She said that the tattoo artist told her that it's hard to tattoo on scar tissue.
Gary said they looked at the picture and there was no information there. Howard said he guesses he'll put the picture of Beth up on the account then. Howard said Gary once took a picture of him playing chess and they put his user name up and ruined his whole thing. He had to create another account. Gary said that it wasn't his fault. He just shot some stuff for Howard TV and they edited it. He said they should have edited it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the photo thing can be hacked and people can figure out where the pictures are taken. The guy said that even if you remove the tags they can be hacked from what he's heard in the news. Howard said he's going to go with what this guy is saying. Gary said he's not going to deal with Howard anymore. He said he's leaving it up to Jason and Jon. Howard and Fred went into their Gary impressions and goofed on him about going to see Steely Dan with Robin in September.
Howard asked when Gary's book is coming out in Paperback. Gary said it's May 31st. He's doing a couple of appearances including Conan O'Brien. He said the promotion will be less than it was with the hard cover. Howard said he's got the only producer that's on talk shows. He can't get someone who is just normal. Howard and Fred goofed on Gary about that for a minute.
Howard asked Gary what he's going to talk to Conan about. Gary asked where the love is for him and his book. That led to them playing some Baba Booey song parodies. They also had some new song parodies about Ronnie getting Verified.
Howard came back and talked about how that song is one of the best ever. He said he had Howie Mandel coming in. He said that he remembers seeing him on the Merv Griffin show when he was in school. Howie said he didn't start until he was in his 20s and he's younger than Howard. Howard said it must have been later in his life. Howard said he just remembers it that way.
Howard asked Howie if he's like him and feels that he's younger than them because he's mentally young. Howie said he feels the same way.
Howard asked Howie if he felt that he was becoming irrelevant. Howie said before Deal or NO Deal came around he was ready to quit the business. He said he though the game show was going to ruin his carer. Then his wife asked him ''what career?'' Even she knew that it was bad.
Howard asked Howie if he had money to live off of. Howie said he owns property and has invested his money wisely. He said he owns some gas stations and things like that too. Howard asked how involved he is in the day to day gas station stuff. Howie said that he knows what they're doing but he's not that involved. He said that he's part owner in 7 City Stop gas stations. Howard asked if he was pressuring President Obama to go into Libya. Howie joked that he was.
Howie said that Howard's Rolling Stone article really messed with him. He said he was very open and honest in that article and he never really thought that he was messed up. He said he thought Howard was even more messed up than him but his wife and daughter told him that he's more messed up than Howard.
Howard said he heard that Howie doesn't drive for some reason. Howie said that he can't drive a standard transmission. He said that he would pull into the driveway and he'd get out and walk into the house without putting the vehicle into gear to hold it in place. He said that he was in such a rush he would forget to do it.
Howie said that the Rolling Stone guy was saying that Howard changes the subject when he gets bored so that made him wonder if he bores people with his driving story and things like that because Howard is changing the subject. He said Howard really fucks up his life. He said he has this L. Federici person. He said he got a message from that person asking to update his address for Howard Stern. Howard said that's someone who works for him. He said they were just updating the address list for their Christmas card list. He said he gets the same kind of thing from people and they wanted to update that.
Howie told Howard he doesn't even have a mailbox in his house. He said he has a phone and he Tweets but he doesn't check his email. Howie said that he thinks that all email is fake. He would answer Howard's email if Howard called him first. He said there's no inflection in email so he doesn't like it. He doesn't know if people are fucking with him or not.
Howard said it was brilliant of his wife to tell him he didn't have a carer and take that Deal or No Deal thing. Howard said that he could have turned down the biggest thing in his life. Howie said before he did that show a lot of comedians were not doing game shows. He said the only guy who did it before was Regis. Howie said that Groucho Marx was one but that was about it. He said that Bob Saget, Jeff Foxworthy and Drew Carrey all came after him. He said he didn't know what he was going to be.
Howard asked Howie if he was doing stand-up before Deal or NO Deal. Howie said the dates were dwindling. He said that he does 150 a year now.
Howard asked if it was making him wonder what he did wrong. Howie said he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He said he's fascinated that he's even working today. He said he never dreamed that he'd be doing this for 30 years. He said it was a very hard course to follow. He said he didn't think anyone would remember what he had done.
Howard asked Howie about investing in gas stations and how he thought that would be a good idea. Howie said he has a partner who is very smart about that stuff. He said when Vegas was booming there were home builders who were buying up property. He said they would have dirt roads going into the subdivisions and his partner would buy 2 acres on the corners of those roads and he'd figure they'd need gas stations and car washes. He waited for the houses to be built and then put up the gas stations.
Howard asked Howie how he knew to partner up with that guy. Howie said he has a good eye for honesty. He said that's coming from the same person who just said he didn't believe that email was from Howard's assistant.
Howard asked Howie if he's in the stock market. Howie said he's too neurotic to be in there. He said he has been in the past but it's constant buy and sell. He said he likes to see something and not be passive when it comes to investing.
Howie said his wife wanted to touch some ducks that were at the mall they were at. He said his wife wanted to save them and he wouldn't let her touch them. He said that his wife is nuttier than Beth is with the animals. Howard asked if his wife has threatened to leave him. Howie said she has threatened. He said he can't touch animals and his wife brings home the worst. He said she brought home a dog that lost an eye and it was rotting in the head. He said the dog would go to piss and it would fall over on its back and piss into the air. He said they hired a trainer to train the dogs and the guy pissed in their back yard to mark his territory. Howie said that he kept the guy for his wife. She eventually fired the guy for biting the dog after the dog bit him.
Howard said Howie hates to touch these animals because of his OCD. Howard said he has issues like that too. He said he has to wash his hands after touching the dog before he touches his wet hair because he's afraid that his hair will fall out. Even Howie seemed to think that was nuts.
Howard asked Howie about his wife threatening to leave him and what was up with that. Howie said she once walked out and said she would ''send for her things'' like it was a movie or something.
Howard asked Howie about the Deal or No Deal thing and who thought of him for the show. Howie said he heard that NBC didn't want him. He said he heard that Ellen Degeneres was the one who they wanted. Howie said this guy Rob Smith from Endemol is the one who thought of him. He said he went and met with them and he told them that he'd do it and they already had the set built. Howard asked if that threw him into a funk. Howie said that the business is constant humiliation. He said he had a horrible deal to do the show. He said he was making no money on it. Then it hit and he tried to renegotiate. He said he did that with NBC and he wasn't looking for a fortune. He asked if he could start his production company instead. That's what he's been doing now.
Howard said that Howie has a new show out about flash mobs and that was started on Twitter. Howie didn't even know that. Howard asked Howie if he was live on American Idol last night. He was and he flew in on a private jet this morning. Howard asked if he's doing that well that he can do that. Howie said he's doing very well.
Howie said his new show is on FOX tonight and he was on American Idol promoting it last night. Howard asked what kind of jet he has. Howie said he leases it. He said he does 200 dates a year and he has to be all over the country. Howard asked what it costs. Howie said he must know. Howard said it must be like $50,000. Howie said it's like $30,000. He said he must have gotten a deal.
Howard asked if FOX gives him money to cover that. Howie said they don't. He said they give him the equivalent of a first class ticket.
Howie said he flew in a few people and he charges them for pillows and peanuts on the flight. He said he flew in on a Challenger plane. He said the Gulfstream is more expensive. He said as long as the plane is clean he's fine. Safety is secondary.
Howard asked Howie what kind of worries he has about using their pen and things like that. Howie said he hates the thought of getting sick so he won't use their pen to sign their releases. He has his own pen. Howard asked if he's worried about going into a public bathroom. Howie said he hates flushing because it sends the stuff around the room. Howard said he wasn't worried about flushing until now. Howie said they say that you should put the seat down before you flush and your tooth brush shouldn't be in the same room. Howie said that he'll throw his toothbrush out if he flushes without the seat down.
Howie said he has one of these Toto toilets and he loves it. He said it's a no touch system. He said he doesn't wipe his ass and he doesn't touch the seat. He said there's a motion sensor on it and the seat is heated. The thing sprays water on your ass and then it dries it with hot air. He said he does a courtesy flush on himself.
Howie said the toilet has a front and rear cleanse so he hit front cleanse and it's pulsating water that was punching his balls like a speed bag. He said he screamed and his wife ran in and asked what was going on. He said now he likes to use the front wash.
Howard asked Howie how he makes sure his ass is clean. Howie said he turns the pressure all the way up so it's like sand blasting his ass. He said it goes up so hard that he chokes on the water. Howard asked how he knows it works though. Howie said that the water cleans it and then the air dry comes on and dries his ass. He said when it's damp he'll check to make sure he's clean.
Howie said last week he was taking a crap so he brought his iPad into the bathroom. He said he has a whole thing going on in the bathroom. He has a TV and refrigerator and all of this stuff in there. He said he was reading something and leaned forward fast and his glasses came off and hit his iPad and then between his legs and into the toilet. He hadn't done the courtesy flush yet. He said they were laying on the doody in the toilet. Howie said he phoned his wife and said she had to help him. Howie said he didn't tell her what happened but told her to bring him a plastic bag. He said he wanted to throw everything out once he pulled them out of there.
Howie said his wife brought the bag in and he got up and there's an automatic flush so the glasses and shit went down the toilet. He said as soon as you stand up it flushes. He said he screamed and told his wife what happened. He said she called the plumber and told him to go find the glasses. They came to the house and they've been looking for the glasses for a week now. He doesn't have the toilet right now.
Gary asked Howie about how 99 percent of the world flushes their toilets with the seat up and they brush their teeth and they're fine. Howie said they have the flu season and all of this and maybe it's coming from the flushing. Gary said he knows that but this isn't rational. Howard said he can't help it and he understands it. He said he doesn't have 5 million rituals like Howie does. He said that he sounds more nuts than he does. Howie said not touching his hair sounds pretty nuts to him.
Howard asked Howie about the Deal or No Deal thing and about how he decided to do the whole thing. Howie said that he wanted to do it like Groucho. He told Howard how serious he was about the first show and how he remembers calling the first woman up to play the game. He said he remembers her name being Karen Van. He said that he remembers standing there thinking he didn't want the responsibility for her life after she told him how awful things were for her and her family. He said he didn't want to joke about anything and throw her off. Howie said that he would tell people that they could win $35,000 and they would want to keep going even though they had no money. Howie said he would ask if they wanted to take the guaranteed deal or take the chance at a million. He said that he'd wonder what the fuck they were doing. He said that was the thing that people tuned in to see.
Howie said that woman Karen came back after winning 5 grand and told them that she bought tits. She didn't have a husband anymore either. That's how these people spend their money.
Howie asked Howard if he heard the story about the guy who passed on the lottery pool that won the Mega Millions lottery. Robin said he would have gotten $16 million if he had been in it. He passed on the pool that day. Howard said that's been driving him nuts.
Howard asked Howie if he won't masturbate because of the touching your own penis thing. Howie said he will masturbate but he will scrub down everything.
Howard asked if he has worked things out so he doesn't have to touch anything when he pees. Howie said he will go into a bathroom by kicking the door open. Then he'll go into a stall and he won't touch anything. Then he unzips his fly and gets his thing out and pees without touching it. He said he kicks the toilet seat down and leaves. He doesn't even flush. He said he walks right out without having touched anything but his fly. He doesn't even wash his hands because he doesn't want to touch the sink.
Howard asked Howie about going out and doing stand-up and why he keeps doing so many dates. Howie said he likes doing it. He said he used to be really neurotic. He said he didn't have an act at first and he would do that ''What, what, what?'' thing as a nervous thing. He said that he didn't want to touch anything so that's why he would have the rubber glove with him and he'd blow it up on his head.
Howie told Howard he owned a carpet store and he didn't even finish high school. He said he was doing pranks in school and his behavior was such that he had to get out. Howard said he seems to be a fantastic businessman. He said he owned a store at 23. Howie said he worked at a carpet store as a salesman and he wasn't very good at selling, plus, he's color blind. He said he met all of the suppliers at the carpet store and asked them if he could sell their stuff. He said his boss didn't even care when he left.
Howard asked how he got into the comedy thing. Howie said there was one called Yuk Yuks in Toronto so they went to see a show there one night. He said it blew him away and he had never seen anything like it. He said they were doing an open mic night thing on Monday nights at midnight. He said someone suggested that he try it. Howie said he went home and thought about it and wondered what he had said yes to. He said he figured he'd tell some jokes that he had heard people like David Brenner saying. He said he had a bit of an agenda.
Howie said he went to see the show that night and then went back stage and heard himself being introduced as being from a carpet store. He said he walked out and saw people staring at him. He said he just started laughing and everyone started laughing at him and he started asking what they were laughing at. That made him laugh even more and he had nothing to do. He said it was just asking ''What, what, what?'' and laughing.
Howie said the club owner told him to come back the week after. He said he didn't know why because he didn't have an act. He started hanging out at the club every night and started to put together an act. He said that he never had any thoughts of doing it as a living. He said it was just a fun thing for him to do.
Howie said he went on a business trip once and found this thing in Florida called the Uncle Fisher Flasher Doll. He said it was a novelty doll and he got the rights to sell them in Canada. He said they stopped them at the border because they were pornographic. He said that they disassembled them and shipped the parts up separately. He said the nuts and dicks got caught at the border. Howie said he went down to Florida on this trip to get the balls and dicks. He said he was right next to a comedy club. Howie said that they had great comedians showing up at these places too. Howie said it was just insane and electric.
Howie said he signed up for an amateur night there too and he didn't care since he was in the States and he was from Toronto. He said he went on stage and did the same thing with the ''What, what'' thing. He said there was a guy in the audience by the name of Mike Binder. He's a great director and writer. Howie said he introduced him to a guy who had a game show called ''Make Me Laugh'' and they told him he'd be perfect for their game. He said that he was told to come to his office and talk to him. He said that he had no material but he could make people laugh. He said they shot 5 shows in one day and they had people like Pat Cooper and Gallagher and him on the show. He said that he kept working and when he flew back he got calls from Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin and people like that. They asked him to do a set and he still had no act. He had one or two jokes and maybe 6 minutes of material. Howie said that Diana Ross asked him to be her opening act and he still didn't have an act. He said he really had nothing.
Howard asked Howie about taking David Hasslehoff's job on America's Got Talent. Howie said he's working on Britain's Got Talent. Howie told Howard they go around the country doing the shows and they have those big X's for the show and they put their names on them. He said that David's name is crossed out on his and his name is written above it.
Howard asked what's going on with the show now. Howie said that Piers Morgan fancies himself as a news man now. Howard asked if he's happy that his show isn't doing well. Howie said that they have a set up with him now so he can go up and do reports from the roof if he has to be on CNN while they're shooting America's Got Talent. He said he'll go up and report on a serious thing and then come down and judge someone for the show.
Howie said that Piers took it upon himself to find the most annoying man in America. He said Piers thinks that he's very annoying. Howie said that they do have a place for those wacky people like Tiny Tim or Howard's Wack Pack. He said you don't have to be a great singer or a great juggler. He said that Piers doesn't get that. He said it started to wear on him so he told Piers that he's going to really make it true and be the most annoying person he's ever met. He said they shot in Minneapolis and Piers told him to go fuck himself. He said that Piers went to Israel to do some interviews and then flew out to do America's Got Talent. He said that he asked to get some sleep and for everyone to be quiet. Howie said that he got on a megaphone and asked everyone to be quiet. He said he did that for 2 hours and Piers started throwing candy at him and told him to get the fuck out of there. He said he once asked the PA's to push a Pepsi machine in front of his dressing room door.
Howie said that Piers doesn't like those mascot like acts so he voted some through on the show just to annoy Piers. He said he loves to just prey on those soft spots that people have. Howard said that kind of stuff is funny and he loves that. Howard said Piers doesn't have that kind of mind where he's thinking about pranks all the time. Howie said he is good on the show though. He said that they have a wide variety of opinions with the judges they have on the show.
Howard said Howie is fearless on stage but in his private life he's so full of fear. He asked how he can say he's fearless. Howie said when he's on stage he's not personal. He said he's not talking to anyone in particular. He said when he's on stage it's just a wall and he's having a good time entertaining himself.
Howie said that if he catches the eye of just one person not laughing his whole evening is ruined. He said he has done shows where the whole room is rolling but there's just one guy in the front looking off to the left. He said that he wonders what he has to do to get the guy's attention. He said he asked this guy why he wasn't even looking at him. He said that he asked what he had to do to get him to look at him. The woman behind him says ''He's blind.'' That sucked the funny right out of the room.
Howard said they have to get everyone to watch this show ''Mobbed.'' Howie said he wanted to explain what this is. He said there are these flash mob things and people will meet up and dance or whatever. He said that he wanted to figure out how to get it on TV. He said he figured they could pass a private message along to someone in this way in a huge public musical. He said that they can ask a person to marry another or ask for a divorce or something like that. Howie said they'll do just about anything like that.
Howie said that they found a couple who had some problems and this woman was very jealous. He said that they kept breaking up so they found some other women and ended up making this woman cry. He said they took it too far. He said he had to apologize to her on this show. Howard said the show is on tonight right after American Idol. Howie said he knows they won't do Idol numbers. He said he watches the numbers like crazy and he knows they won't do that well.
Howard asked if he watches Idol every week. Howie said he does and he thinks that Steven Tyler is a great judge. He said he has given life to the show. Howard asked if Randy and Jennifer Lopez are good judges. Howie said he would have to say he has to give them props for judging. He said he does miss the real cynical thing. Howard asked what judge he would get rid of if he had to. Howie said he thinks that he would keep Steven Tyler. He didn't say he would get rid of Jennifer though. Howard said he thinks that she's gorgeous. Howie agreed. Howard said that means Randy is out the door. Howie wouldn't commit to that.
Howard asked Howie if he would fire someone from his show for him on his new show. Howie said he would love to do that. Howard said he's going to watch the show. He said he'll tape it. Howard said he shouldn't worry about the ratings. He owns gas stations so he should be fine.
Howard said someone on the phone was wondering how he takes his shoes off. Howie said he never touches the bottom. Howard said his wife won't let him wear his shoes inside the house. He said it drives him nuts. Howie said even he lets people walk around in their shoes in his house. He just doesn't touch the floor.
Howie said he's medicated today and he has been asked not to say what he's on. He said that they don't want people trying the same stuff. He said that he has a medical doctor and a psychiatrist how prescribe this stuff for him. He said that he can't tell them what it is. Howard said he will promise not to use the stuff. Howie said he will get like 1000 tweets about this and he is constantly changing his medications anyway.
Howie told Howard he's HowieMMandel on Twitter. He wasn't even able to get HowieMandel. He had to add the M in there. He said his full name is Howard Michael Mandel. Howard said that Howard name is a great name isn't it?
Howie didn't think he was verified on Twitter but Howard's guys told him that he was. Howie asked who did that. Howard said they get a vibe that he's the real guy. Howie asked if they validate there too. Howard said they do so Howie was validated and verified. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. Fred told him it was James Taylor doing a live version of the song. Howard said he thought it was a Rolling Stones song at first. He thought it was a song called Dandelion. Howard told Fred to find that song. Fred played it but it wasn't what Howard was thinking it was.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his headlines. Steve said that Gary was at this first Parks and Recreation meeting last night. He's keeping tight lipped about what went on during the meeting.
Steve said that Steve Brandano was almost arrested the other night while he was hanging out with some friends who had pot on them.
Steve said that Leon Russell is also doing a show for Robin's charity and some tickets are selling for $1,000 each. Howard told Robin she had better not be lecturing at those parties. Robin said she never does that.
Howard asked Robin how her Apple computers are working. Robin said she's been getting used to it all and it's been fun. She said she has a Macbook Air and it's so beautiful and thin. She said it looks so awesome. Howard said it sounds like his penis, thin and beautiful.
Steve said they have a story about Eric the White Noise Machine Midget talking about how he will never do the show again but he'd like to thank Howard for letting him be part of the show. He says he's done with the show. Howard said before the end of the 5 years he will call in again. That's his prediction. Howard said Eric will get bored and he will want the notoriety again.
Steve also mentioned that if anyone sees any Howard Stern news out there to give them a call at 877-H100-Tip. He said that they do get some stories through that line.
Howard said he has been offered a script and he's kind of intrigued by it. He said it was kind of interesting and he would like to do another movie. He said that he hadn't found anything yet and this one was kind of cool. He said he was talking to Beth about it and she asked if this is the guy she knows. She told him he'd be miserable and he'd want the summer free and not be doing it. Howard said she was 100 percent correct and he would be miserable. Howard said she didn't even know the movie called for him to be making out with this woman in the movie. Howard said he'd be upset if Beth got some show where she had to make out with some dude. She had to do that in a TV show years ago.
Howard said the Congo has an average of 7.1 inches. Howard said that Brazil is 6.3 and the U.S. is 5.1 inches. Howard said he's above average. He went through a couple of other countries and they were 4 inches or so and less.
Howard said one of his favorite shows is going away. In Treatment is being canceled. He said he thought it was going to catch on. He said the acting was superb. He said it didn't work out though. He said that this new movie Hanna has one of the girls from that show in it.
Howard said he was reading about how Dave Grohl was blasting the creator of ''Glee.'' He said that Dave was talking about how he wasn't into the show and they refused to let them do their songs on the show. Howard said Dave must have turned it down and they were threatening them. He read some quotes from Grohl who said that not everyone should have to do that show if they don't want to. Howard said ''Way to go Dave! Keep it up!'' He said he really likes Dave.
Howard said Oprah sure seems to be pushing for her OWN channel. He said that she's not out pushing Sirius even though they pay her so much. He said it really pisses him off. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard came back and said he heard The Cars are going to be getting back together. He quickly moved on to talk about this guy Alan Hale who was up in front of Congress saying he's against the DUI laws. The guy owns some bars. Howard played the clip of Hale talking about how the DUI laws are not doing small businesses any good and it's destroying lives. He said that bars are the center of communities in Montana and people have to get there by driving or hitchhiking and no one is going to hitchhike.
Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard asking some strippers about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. One of the girls was saying that the government is responsible for that. Howard said this is why he can't go to the strip clubs anymore. He said he looks at them and thinks they're making sense while they're rubbing up against you. Sal and Richard asked one of the girls what causes a tsunami and she had some explanation about garbage causing them.
Howard said Riley Martin was on the other night and he got a rundown of what he talked about. Howard said Riley made a big announcement on his show and he's got some crazy logic. Howard played a clip where Riley took a call and a caller told him he needs to get a raise. Riley said that he isn't in New York to do his show. He thinks that if he did the show there at the studio that he would get to ''snuffle up'' to Howard and get a raise. Riley then goes on to talk about how he has a young daughter he did not know about. Howard said he thinks he has like 8 kids. He somehow blames them for this.
Riley goes on to say that he isn't getting paid enough and he's running close to the edge already. He just found out about this daughter and he loves his kids. He said this kid is a gift from god and he doesn't mind supporting her but he needs Tim's help. Howard wondered if Riley would be okay if they sent the money right to his daughter instead. He's pretty sure he wouldn't be happy with that deal.
Riley goes on to talk about how he'd like a little more time on the air and a raise after 4 years. He said Tim told him he'd see what he could do and then he docked him for the Christmas Holidays. Howard said they're his only hope but they're very honest with him about how it's not a real job. It's just a hobby.
Riley was talking about how everyone there knows about this kid of his. He said they all know what kind of shape he's in there and they have done nothing. Howard said they gave him a radio show where he can promote his products and they give him a little stipend for that. He said he just won't accept it. Howard said the guy is an ingrate too. He evidently put a proposal to Scott Greenstein where he'd get off of their channel and get on another one to make more money.
Howard played more of Riley talking to another caller who said he should have his own channel where they would roll his tapes all day. Riley said that they have sent a proposal to Scott Greenstein asking to be put somewhere else so they can have more time so they can bring on guests.
Howard said he has to get a hold of that proposal. He said he's sure it's in Scott Greenstein's garbage pail. He said he'd love to read what it says. Howard said they haven't heard back from him yet. He said he wishes that Scott would get back to him and give Riley something.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves hat they're doing in the afternoons on Howard 101. They're doing the Howard Stern Shuffle shows. She said she's heard just about everything on Howard's show but now she gets to hear stuff randomly that she hasn't heard before.
The caller said that tomorrow is Autism Awareness month. Howard cut her off saying that he wasn't sure about whose idea it was to do that shuffle thing. He got back to the caller and let her mention the Autism Awareness Month thing. She said she would like to do something better than lighting up buildings. She said she was thinking Howard would consider stopping using the word ''retard'' like he did with the word ''fag.'' Howard thought about giving up another word. Howard said her kid isn't retarded though, he's just autistic. The caller said that people still say they're retarded though. Howard said he can't give up retard. He said he wouldn't be able to call Gary the Retard ''Gary the Dumbass.'' The caller said that's fine but if they just cut back on the word retard it would be great.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Mutt said they're going to be talking about the use of retard and fag.
Howard interrupted and said he read about this kid who beat up a girl for wearing a Muslim head dress thing. He said that the kid was only 12. He said he was reading about what the mother said about it. She said that her son made a mistake and got caught up in this. Howard said this kid is a nightmare. He read about how he raised hell in a class by cutting off a girl's hair with scissors. He got suspended for that. The kid is such a nightmare that they had to post a safety guy outside the class so the teacher could do her job. He also robbed a pizza delivery guy in the same week. Howard said a staffer said that one student was punched in the face and had to take time off.
Mutt said they will be talking about Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie. He said that they've been fighting on his web site and so is Deena. He said that the gay Muslim who is going to be on his show has been fighting with them too.
Howard said he heard that this whole thing is a put on and Ed didn't even visit Debbie. Howard asked Gary to get them on the phone so he can clear it up. Mutt asked him not to clear it up until Monday so he can talk about it on his show tonight.
Mutt said they'll be talking about Norm MacDonald tonight. He said it was like having Artie back in there without the drugs and alcohol.
Howard had Debbie the Pet Lady on the phone. He asked her if she's telling the truth about Ed. He said he wanted her to be honest with him. He said he's concerned about her. She said that she really did meet with him and she kept it hush, hush for a while so no one would know. Howard asked he to swear on her son's life that she was with him. She swore that she was. She said that he's coming over on Saturday but they got into a fight this morning. Howard asked if she really likes this guy. She said he really wants to be with her and she wants to be with him.
Howard had Ed on the phone too. Howard asked Ed to swear but Ed said that he's not religious. Ed then told Howard that it was an April Fool's joke. Debbie told him that he just fucked her and hung up on him. Howard asked if he fucked her or not. Debbie had hung up. Howard asked if he swears that he didn't do her. He said he didn't because she wanted to get air time. Howard said the news room figured it out. He said they're geniuses back there.
Ed told Howard she was going to send him money and that's why he was in on it. Howard said that's actually brilliant and he wondered how she would know he's part of the Wack Pack. Ed said he thinks that she started believing it and it got out of control. Howard said he's proud of him for coming clean. He said he got like $80 for doing this.
Howard had Debbie back on the phone and said that she wants to tell them who played who. She said this fuck face played the whole thing. She said that he was using her for air time. Howard said she's losing credibility. She said it was Ed who wanted to play the whole thing up. She said it was his idea. Howard asked Ed if it was his idea. She said that it was Ed who contacted her first.
Debbie told Howard she's an actress and she never sent him any money. Howard had to cut them off because Debbie was just screaming. Debbie said she has been on the show and Ed was the one who wanted to get on. She said that she doesn't know this fat fuck from a hole in the wall. She said he wanted her to do this whole act from the start. She screamed out a big ''Fuck you!'' to Ed. She said she wants Howard to find her a real man. Howard said he'll have to have a dating game with her. Ed asked about him. Howard said he can play the game with her. She said she won't play with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to be banished from the show for that. Robin said it was a better April Fools prank than Howard's. Another caller said she might be a biker mama based on what she said on Battlecam.com. Howard said he knew nothing about that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Tiger Woods selling a boat he bought for his wife Elin. Robin said she was thinking about all of this money that's not in his pocket now. He had a $100 million divorce settlement and he's lost like $100 million a year in endorsements.
Robin read a story about how the whale that drowned the trainer at Sea World last year is back to work. They have some protection in place for the handlers there now. Howard said you'd think that they'd just let the whale go and not subject it to the shows now. Robin said the whale's name is Tilikum.
Robin read about a study that was done about how good looking people generally make more money than others. Howard said it can work against you at times too though. He said it can make your life easier. He said he didn't have a lot of people interested in being his friend with his looks. He said he had one friend. Beth tells him that she had fun in college. He said she only went to college for 3 years and she thought it was magical. He said she got into the fraternity that she wanted to be in and they let her right in. She didn't have to go through any hazing or anything.
A caller asked Howard if Beth has ever taken a load on her face. Howard said he's not going to talk about loads on the face. He said he respects women too much. Howard said he has 3 daughters and he doesn't want to hear about anything like that. He said that he'd cut the guy's dick off if he heard anything like that. He said maybe a load on the back would be okay. Howard asked Robin if she's ever taken anything on her back. Robin said she may have but she never saw it.
Robin read a story about this John Gotti movie project. She said that she read about this film company and tried to figure out if Stuttering John is really a part of it. She said that he's the second guy listed in the bio section. Robin said that they say John Gotti Jr. didn't even know the name James Franco. Howard said that could be a publicity thing.
Robin read about a book that Paul Allen has put out where he says some stuff about Bill Gates. Howard said Bill did nothing but get Windows from IBM. He said he seems to be kind of lazy compared to Steve Jobs. Robin said she read that Microsoft only has two good products. They have Windows and Office. They work together well but everything else they do doesn't work out that well. They're also comfortable waiting to see what Apple does and they imitate it. Howard said they had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read more about the Paul Allen book and said that he and Bill Gates are at odds because they were trying to cut him out of the revenues of the company when he had to take time off for health reasons.
Robin read about how there are a couple of states reporting that there is some radiation showing up in milk and water around the country. She said they have found very low levels of it in some milk in California.
Robin read about President Obama announcing that he wants to cut oil imports over the next decade. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about what's going on in Japan with the nuclear power plants. She said they're still struggling with the possibility of a meltdown.
Robin said they have some video of a gay man being beaten up by some people outside of a McDonald's in New York City. Robin said they're hoping the video will lead to some arrests. They're looking for a couple of Hispanic men seen in the video. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Geraldine Ferraro being laid to rest. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he gets a paycheck or does he get paid at the end. Howard said he actually gets paid daily in gold bullion. He said he gets it in a wheelbarrow and he brings it right home with him. Robin said he looks kind of silly but it works for him. Howard said he honestly doesn't know how they do it. He said he has people that handle it for him. Howard said the way they pay everyone else there is by the gold that falls out of his wheelbarrow.
The caller also asked how he deals with his dog at night. Howard said Beth takes care of her and he has some other people that take care of her when they're not home. Howard said he'll put her in the car with him sometimes and he'll take a walk with her. He said he even picks the shit up. He said that he loves that dog so much he doesn't mind doing it. Howard said he had to interrupt a meeting yesterday when his dog started to scoot across the floor. He said he wiped her ass and vagina with a wet towel. He said she has no tail so she scoots the asshole across the carpet. He said she was also chewing on his gold bullion during that meeting.
Robin read about how there's a new comic book coming out based on Governor Schwarzenegger. Robin said they're going to use all of his life to flesh out the comic. They use his wife and his kids and all of that.
Robin had some American Idol clips from last night's show to play. They were covering Elton John songs last night. She had one clip of a girl singing ''Benny and The Jets'' that was really bad. Robin had Howard playing a few clips and Howard thought one guy did real good. Howard said the one girl from Long Island is really good looking and he figures she could end up with a career.
Robin read about Jennifer Lopez's new song and had Howard play some of that. Robin said this is her second single off her new album. Robin said that Fantasia Barino will be on tonight's American Idol with her new single. Howard played some of that too.
Robin said that Britney Spears was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. She even did a Jackass parody with the guys from Jackass. They did a couple of bits with her on the show. They played some audio of those bits. Howard had to explain what one of them was. Howard said Britney is crazy now. Robin said she knows. That's what she's listening for. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Katy Perry has a song at the top of the charts. She had Howard play some of the song ''E.T.'' with Kanye West. Howard asked if anyone does a song on their own these days. He said they all seem to teem up now.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she wishes she was Bianca his dog. She asked a question but Howard cut her off and got back to Robin.
Robin read about how John Mellencamp is dating Meg Ryan. Howard said that's been going on a while now. Robin said she saw Courteney Cox with her co-star but their publicist is saying they're just friends.
Howard said he just got a note from the guys saying that Pia Piscano from American Idol follows him on Twitter and she's verified. He said he might ask her to send him some ass pictures. He wondered if she was too young for that though. Gary said they say she's 22 years old.
Robin read about Jake Gylenhaal's new movie ''Source Code'' and had some audio of him talking about that. Howard didn't make it through the whole clip. Robin had some audio of Russell Brand talking about being in the movie ''Hop.'' Robin also had some audio of Nick Nolte talking about being in the movie ''Arthur.'' Howard wondered what happened to that guy. He said he used to be a good looking guy.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen's shows that he's doing in some cities around the country. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon asked Gary about Howard giving him a hard time about the book signings and appearances he's making for his paperback. Gary said he's really not doing that many.
Robin came in and scared Benjy. He said that she has never touched him. Robin just said ''Oh god...''
Gary and Jon talked more about Gary's book and the hard time he got about that this morning. Gary said the book signings are meaningless but the Conan thing and maybe one other appearance is what will get to him.
Jon asked Robin what she thinks about that. Robin said Howard likes to think that they're never thinking about anything but the show. Robin said that he hears about Gary going on shows and doing book signings on days they're doing the show. She said he thinks that Gary should be working on the show all the time. Robin said Howard was probably irritated when he was writing the book. Gary said they never even heard about it when he was writing the book. Robin said Howard probably looks at it as hours of not working on the show. Gary said he worked on it on Friday's and Saturdays. Robin said he should have been working on the show in Howard's mind.
Robin was also saying that most people wait to write a book until after they're done working for someone. Gary said he thinks it's funny that Howard is disgusted with Larry King for helping his producer promote her book.
Gary and Jon talked about how Letterman helped Paul Shaffer promote his book too. Robin said it just plays into the whole Baba Booey thing.
Jon asked Scott DePace why Howard gets so worked up about this. Scott said that Howard wants to know that Gary is spending all of his time on the show. Gary said there were 3 guests he booked during the time he was doing the book stuff and he was doing fine. He said he did some of his best work in that time. He said he was so freaked out that anything wrong that happened was going to be blamed on the book that he worked extra had.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that the book writing thing was good for Gary and he was thinking ahead of what might happen in 5 years. She said that he has to think ahead like that in case the show ends. She said she thinks that it's B.S. that Howard is yelling at them because he was yelling at them about thinking ahead in December when he re-signed.
Benjy asked if they think Howard thinks it's some kind of disloyalty and he's going to other mediums to express himself. Gary said disloyalty isn't the word that enters his head.
Gary said Steve Langford was really going crazy with the news updates about his book signings and he had to ask the news department to stop. He said he had to ask the book signing people not to promote it too because he didn't want to upset Howard.
Scott DePace ended up talking about the stuff he was saying earlier about Twitter. He said he really doesn't get why anyone would want to follow Jon Hein or Jason. He said he kind of gets why someone might follow Howard Stern or Robin. Robin said she doesn't understand his argument. Scott said he just didn't get the whole getting verified thing yesterday.
Everyone ended up arguing with Scott again. They spent a few minutes trying to figure out why he's so upset with people who like Twitter.
Gary asked Scott if the arguing makes him want to go on Twitter or does it turn him the other way. Scott said that he isn't going to follow Jason or Benjy or Jon. Gary said they're not asking him to.
Jon asked why he doesn't get why people would want to follow him if they're into TV. Jon said he doesn't want Jon's opinion.
Scott was arguing in a way that made him seem not human to Benjy. He said he's like Spock or something. Gary said if they cut him blue blood would probably come out.
Jon asked Scott why he put pictures of his kids and his wife up on his Facebook if he thinks it's so stupid. Scott said he put up a few and then thought it was stupid so he never put up anything again. Robin said it's called Social Networking. Scott said he doesn't care about it and he'd rather be out on the golf course. Robin said she had to get going after that. She'll be on HLN at 10 tonight. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie about his new moustache and if it was his idea. Ronnie said he got sick of the goatee part and shaved it off around Christmas.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he would sell his verification. Ronnie said you can't do that. Benjy asked if he would shut it down if someone offered to pay him for it. Ronnie said you can't do that. Benjy wanted to know what his number is. Ronnie said he has no number. Benjy said he just wanted to know how much it was. Ronnie said Benjy isn't making sense to him.
Jon asked Ronnie if he used to use CB radios and stuff back in the day. Ronnie told some stories about doing that and how that's how he would meet people. He said he used to have a power booster and he would use such high power that he would come through on his neighbor's TV. He said he was about 15 at the time and the neighbors came over and complained. Ronnie said he complained to his parents so he bought some TVI filters and it was supposed to block the signal from the TV. He said he could switch back and he could blast through the TV so they called the FCC on him. Ronnie said he cam home from school one day and the doorbell rang and the FBI was at his door. He said they wanted to talk to him and his parents about this stuff. He was a minor so they had to come back later. Ronnie said it was just the neighbor that complained so it was all about him and not this club he was in called the Channel 1 Club.
Jon asked Ronnie why he stopped doing it. Ronnie said everyone faded away from it. He said he did have the FBI knocking on his door. Benjy said he'd like to get a hold of that written report and their description of Ronnie at the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary booked some guests when he was writing his book. He said that sounds like bullshit to him. Gary said he lives in fear of fucking up and being blasted on the air. Gary said his car ride in is a checklist of things in his head about things he could have fucked up.
The caller said he hopes that Gary signed a contract that will allow him to retire. He said they're unhireable at the level they're at now. He said he doesn't think that Gary is capable of stepping into a another producer job. Gary said he doesn't believe that and he knows there are people who think they are employable. The caller said he's not a big Robin fan and he doesn't think that she's employable either. He said she'll fall flat on her face. Jon said she's hosting for Joy Behar tonight. Gary said she did a great job the last time she did it. Jon said he felt she fit in well on the show too. They had to go to another break after that.
Gary said he and his friends loved Howie Mandel and thought he was a genius when they saw him on the Young Comedians special so many years ago. They also talked about his neurosis and how it's worse than Howard's is.
Jon and Gary talked about Howie's stories about the dog trainer and things like that. Gary said that guy Jonah Falcon was on the show with Howie once and Howie refused to touch the door handle to get out of the studio. He said he agrees with him on that though.
Ralph called in and asked why they waste time with Scott DePace because he doesn't think like a normal person. He said it's like talking to Charles Manson.
Ralph also said that he's upset that Ronnie was verified by Twitter. He said he was only on it for 2 minutes and he was calling and complaining right away. He said that he should be honored that anyone was paying attention to him at all by impersonating him. Gary said that it wasn't a real verification. He said he was part of a contest. He said they could put an asterisk next to it if that would make him feel better.
Ralph said it is kind of cool to have the verified thing on Twitter but he doesn't really care if he has it or not. Jon said it means a lot to JD and he knows that notes were being put up about Pia following Howard and that was being put up by JD. Ralph said he wants to get verified just to drive JD nuts. Ralph said if you can't figure out who a real person is then you're stupid. He said it's pretty easy to figure it out. Gary said he's right. He said that if someone is impersonating Steve Martin and not being funny then you know it's not really him. Ralph said Ronnie should shut the fuck up and just be happy that someone is impersonating him. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.