|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
|Please help support MarksFriggin.com by using these sites:|
(Sirius, XM merch and more)
(Just about everything)
Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how exhausted he was watching the Super Bowl last night. He stayed up until 10 to watch it. Howard said he has a lot to talk about today too. He said he's been on Twitter all weekend and people are telling him he has to give it to Piers today. Howard said that Piers has set it up as some kind of rivalry.
Robin told Howard he owes her money for the Super Bowl. They did a straight up bet and he owes her $100. Howard said he forgot about it. Robin said on the last part of the show on Thursday they did that. Howard said he will pay. He pulled out a hundred bucks for her and paid her off.
Howard said that he was so busy with the Tweeting over the weekend. He said that he loves his Droid phone too. He said he's got his battery issues sorted out. He said he was trying to drain it all yesterday and it was staying charged. Howard said he got this app that helps keep the thing going. Howard said that after 13-14 hours it was still running. Howard said he has to try and drain that fucker. He was using it every second and it was working.
Robin said that Howard isn't following her. Howard didn't know that. He said he's happy to follow her though. Howard said he's not sure who he's following. He said he's learned how to block people now. Howard said there are a bunch of people he has to figure out how to follow.
Howard said he got verified already. He said he heard that JD was going to kill himself over that. He said he needed that validation though.
Howard said he had over 100,000 people following him after the few days he was on. Howard said he told people that if he got over 100,000 by a certain time he'd tweet some pictures of Beth. He said that he was up to 99,000 people and he wasn't going to do it but Beth had done a shoot last summer and she gave him some pictures of herself so he put those up there instead. He said that seemed to appease the crowd. Howard said that people were complaining about him Tweeting because he was up there doing it after he said he wasn't going to. He said everyone was critiquing his tweets too. He was being told not to do it too much and things like that.
Howard said he saw A-Rod being fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz so he said that A-Rod is like a king with women feeding him. He said all he needs is two chicks fanning him and he'd be a king. Howard said he asked for Beth to come and feed him grapes.
Howard said he was alone watching the game. He said Beth was off visiting her brother out in Arizona. Howard said she has one in Arizona and one in Seattle. He said she was out doing that and he was home alone. He said she's going to Seattle too. Howard said he wanted her to stay home.
Howard said he did Letterman on Thursday so he has to talk about that too. He said he's been in touch with the audience talking about that on his Twitter thing. He said he's done with Facebook now. Robin said she's glad that he found Twitter. Howard said he's having conversations with Jon Favreau and people like that.
Howard said it pissed him off that A-Rod was being fed popcorn by a movie star. He said he's such a stud that she's working really hard and treating it like a full time job. Howard said he must fuck her so hard that she has to do that. Howard said he was sitting there like King Shit. He said that it looked like he was almost annoyed that her fingers were in his mouth.
Howard said one of the announcers mentioned that Pittsburgh was going to have to do something to get the game going. Howard said he wondered what that was. He said that's so obvious.
Howard said he was giving people the chance to get to 100,000 people and he would post that picture of Beth but there are some haters out there. He said he just deletes them now. Howard said he thinks that he was fairly entertaining. Some people didn't like what he was tweeting. Howard said people were telling him that he should go in and do a show on Friday if he's going to be tweeting.
Howard said it means a lot to him that Don Rickles watched him on Letterman. Howard said John Stamos told him about the call he got from Don and how he was going to call him back. Then he called Don and found out what he was thinking about that. Howard said he would have liked to have heard from Don himself but John is keeping him to himself. Howard said that he's going to get to the Letterman stuff throughout the show.
Howard said he heard from Sarah Silverman about the Letterman appearance. He said that she watched it twice. Howard said that meant a lot to him. He said Jimmy Kimmel thought it was the best appearance he's ever seen. He said that meant a lot to him too.
Howard said he came home from Letterman thinking that it was going to be terrible. Then he got into bed to watch it. He said he apologized to Dave and talked about calling each other. He said that he and Beth went out to dinner after the show and Vinnie told him that Dave was trying to call him. He said he was going to call back around 8:30 so that was good. Howard said he got home and he heard a message from his assistant who said Dave was trying to call him. He said that he's not sure why they have to use their assistant to call people. He said he just doesn't get that. Howard said he doesn't do that at all. He said he knows an executive who does that all the time too.
Howard said he got a call the next day from Dave's assistant and it was like he was getting a call from the King of Siam or something. Howard said that if you do things for yourself then you feel that you've grown up. Howard said that Dave doesn't need an assistant. Howard said he just did Dave's show and he could have called him himself. Howard said he was excited to hear from Dave and he really likes the guy. He said he really felt bad about what he did to the guy. Howard said he heard some stuff from Dave during the show about some very personal stuff so he's not going to talk about that.
Howard said Dave did beat Leno in the ratings so that was good. He never did hear back from Dave after that assistant called again.
Howard said he was telling Dave that he figured that Regis had gotten fired and people assumed that he had a personal conversation with the guy. Howard said he didn't. He said he was just going by what he had heard about Regis. Howard said Regis went on his show and said that he was not fired. Regis said that he had not spoken to Regis. Howard said it's just his speculation that Regis was fired. Howard said he should fight back if he was. Howard played the audio of Regis talking about him on his show on Friday. Regis told Kelly that he was watching ''Morning Joe'' and they had a story about Howard Stern on Letterman. Regis said Howard is very funny but when he gets on everyone pays the price. Regis said that Howard said that he was thrown to the gutter. Regis said he never asked for more money. He said he never had the chance. Howard said that it sounds like he was fired. Regis said he never told Howard anything. He said that Howard has so much to say about everybody. Kelly told Regis that she loves Howard's show and asked if he listens. Regis doesn't have the chance to listen to his show. Kelly said she loves it. She told Regis he should listen because he does have Sirius in his car. He claims he doesn't know how to turn it on though. They tried to tell Regis how to set it up but it was too confusing for him.
Howard said what's amazing is that Dave said that he might be doing his show for only 2 more years and that hit the news. Howard said that whole thing made a lot of news. Howard said that's what his intention was though. He said he wanted to get some attention for the Sirius app and to get some attention for the interview. Howard said he and Rob Burnett have been out of touch for a while now but this time Rob sent him one saying that it was a great show so he might be upset about what he said about him directing a film. Howard said that he didn't know that Dave might be upset with Rob directing that movie. He said he may have hit a nerve.
Howard said before his appearance he was in his dressing room and Robin was there. He said that she left him there and he really wanted her to stick around. Howard said he walked out to see what was going on there and he ran into a girl who works there. He said she was really good looking too. Howard said he wondered if Dave banged her. Howard said he was watching Paul and this woman pointed out that he has like 8 keyboards back there. He said that's what prompted him to bring it up. He said that during the breaks they play the whole song they start when they go to break. He said that show is great and the female singer sings the song and she's really good. He said they do a whole concert for the audience.
Howard said he was thinking that Paul might be the reason that Dave can't beat Jay. He said that he wondered why Paul is writing a book. He said that he was talking about Paul going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing and he's spending time practicing songs that he doesn't need to. He said that Dave isn't number one and he should concentrate on the show. Paul seemed to agree with him on that. Howard said Dave got upset about him bringing up Paul getting high all the time too.
Howard said he'd like to go back and get those questions answered. Robin said Paul wasn't expecting it when Howard hit him. Howard said that's true.
Howard said he and Beth had some words about him bringing up Dave's sex scandal. He said that she was upset with him for bringing it up and she gave him some shit when they were out running. Howard said he had to tell her to stop because she was bringing him down and making him doubt himself. Howard said he got out there and just did it. It got the better of him. Robin said Beth's mouth dropped open when he brought it up. Howard said Beth fucked his brains out that night and she told him that it was funny. Robin said that they were all laughing back there. Robin said they didn't expect it to come up since he said he wasn't going to bring it up.
Robin said she Tweeted about it and said that it was a must see thing. Howard said they gave him a lot of time on the show. Robin said it had a nice flow to it. Howard said he had a good time and he might go back in 5 years.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel was telling him about how good it was and now he has to do Jimmy's show. He said he's doing it via satellite. Howard said Jimmy Fallon loved it too and he's going to be doing his show. Howard said Jimmy wrote a bit for him and he's not sure he wants to do it. He said he doesn't like doing bits. He said he'll look at it though. He said if it's doing a Neil Young thing then maybe he'll do it. He said he wouldn't even attempt doing Neil Young in front of Jimmy though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how much of a pain in the ass Vinnie was trying to get him to tweet. The guy said the tweets are really good too. He thanked him for the Beth pictures. Howard said they were proofs too and not retouched. Howard said that Vinnie was hocking him to tweet. He said he wasn't using his phone to Tweet yet but Vinnie stayed on him about it.
Howard TV showed the guys the pictures of Beth that he had tweeted. Benjy said that one of them was fucking amazing. Howard said that you can find them on his Twitter account.
Howard said he had a new picture of Beth to Tweet that was taken in the apartment. He said that he didn't hit that mark so he held it back. He said that maybe they can start a revolution with all of the people they have on there now. Howard said that he was reading about this Mubarak guy and how they get so much support from our country. He said that these leaders rape their own country. He said the guy has like $40 billion and he won't spread it around to the rest of the country. Howard said he could take 10 billion and make that place so much better. He said they just won't do that though. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about what's been going on in Egypt lately.
The caller told Howard that Vinnie Favale was telling people he was going to tweet a picture of himself in his tightie whities if he could get 5,000 followers by a certain time. Howard said that he's all paranoid about his tweeting and if he tweets too much then people will get upset. Howard said they should just shut the fuck up. Howard said he might choose a time to tweet and do it once or twice a day. Robin said that it should be a surprise. He said that he did the Super Bowl special tweeting and shared some of his thoughts.
Howard said he had spent most of Saturday watching the Bachelor and some other shows like that. Howard said he got into the Super Bowl to do something manly.
Howard wondered if people can see everyone's tweets to him. The caller said that they can't and then Robin told how it works. Howard said that it's not that easy to tweet. He said that there's a lot to learn about it.
Howard said that Doug Herwitt made up the picture of him holding the Twitter sign. He said he had a good time with Twitter and enjoyed it.
The caller asked if there is any chance of getting a tour up there. Howard said that he would do that but no more tours.
Robin said there were about 20 people in the green room they were in at Letterman. She said that there was a line of people outside and then she went down to watch in the green room and there were 20 people there. Howard said that's why there's so much pressure on him. He said he ran into the Naughty By Nature guys and asked them why it had been so long between albums. He said he figured that they had been doing them all along but he hadn't heard anything about it.
Howard said he liked having Beth there because she used to work there. Howard said Biff is very taken with Beth and they were good friends. Howard said that Biff was up on the 5th floor visiting with Beth. Robin said Biff never left the green room. He was telling jokes and hanging out with Beth.
Howard said that they had a camera in there just in case he was talking about her. Howard said there was a lot of Beth going on back stage. Robin said Biff was quite a character back stage. Howard said things were crazy there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves the Tweeting. Howard said that he has to worry about tweeting enough or too much now. Robin said you just do it when you feel like it. Robin said you don't have to worry about not doing it or doing it. Robin said it's like calling your mother. Howard said he had people calling him names when he was saying he was going to bed after the game. He said people were also accusing him of being paid by Twitter to tweet. He said people accuse him of shit all the time. Howard said they were also complaining about the Piers Morgan thing and stuff like that.
The caller told Howard that Mariann from Brooklyn is always tweeting when Howard isn't. Howard said he saw her at Letterman and gave her a hug and she got all freaked out like he was the Beatles or something. He said he's met her before so he's not sure why she gets so excited. Howard said he had to decompress from all of that after he went home.
Mariann said that there were a lot of fans out there and TSSTaylor was there so she was handing out stuff to the fans. Howard said he loves her but he can't listen to her for long. He hung up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Jeff told Howard he has to learn how to retweet people on Twitter. Howard said he'll learn all of that. He said that he's following Alyssa Milano and some others like Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper. Howard said that Facebook is looking old to him now.
Howard said he saw that commercial where they had the car reading your Facebook messages to you while you drive so he tweeted about that. He said he can just imagine the girl who didn't have sex with him in high school sending him a message and hearing it as he's crashing into a wall.
Howard had Vinnie Favale on the phone. He said that Vinnie was begging him to tweet a picture from back stage. He said that he didn't know how to use the camera but he tried it and it worked. He said that Vinnie was beside himself when he finally did it. Howard said that Vinnie has the biggest head he's ever seen and he had him in the picture there.
Howard asked Vinnie about what goes on with Dave and why he has to call and why Dave doesn't call him himself. Howard said that the assistant calls him and Dave doesn't do it himself. Vinnie said that Dave doesn't know how to use that Wildfire thing. Howard said it's very easy to use. He said that Dave could have called him over the weekend but he never did.
Vinnie said that he calls Wildfire and it works for him. Howard said that this thing transfers the calls wherever he is. Howard said the thing asks a couple of questions and it puts them through. Howard said it will work for Dave too. Vinnie said it doesn't work the way he thinks it does. Vinnie said that hopefully they'll talk today.
Howard said this is a whole production. He said that he wants Vinnie to tell Dave that he makes his own calls and it takes him out of that weird loop where he has 20 people involved. Vinnie said that Dave might think that Howard has the same organization that he does. Howard said he really doesn't though. He makes his own phone calls.
Howard said Vinnie was in a panic when he called him. He said that he wanted Dave to get through to him. Howard said he did want to talk to Dave and tell him some stuff in private. Howard said they talked during the breaks and he wanted to talk to Dave about some of that stuff. Howard said they used to go black for as long as the commercials were but now they just get back to it really quick.
Howard said he's not sure why people got so upset with Christina Aguilera screwing up the National Anthem. He said that at least she did it live. He said that some people go out there and lip sync it. Howard said he likes that she did it live. Howard said that the Black Eyed Peas sucked because they had some technical problems. He said that they sang live so that was good. He said the sound was awful though. Howard said that they brought Slash out there and he should be singing with Axl Rose, not with the Black Eyed Peas. Howard said that they had him there because the Black Eyed Peas are very effeminate. Howard said that you don't feel like a man watching them. He said you sit there feeling like a girl watching them. He said that then Slash comes up and he has that same look he's had all of these years. Howard said that he has to get a new look.
Howard said he had some tape of Tom Hanks' son rapping and he had to play some of that. He said he had to take a break first though. Vinnie told Howard that he can read the replies on Howard's Twitter page and it does show everyone's responses. He said that's part of the fun of Twitter.
Vinnie told Howard to wait by his phone for Dave to call. Howard said he's not sur why everyone got so worked up over that Dave call thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Black Eyed Peas really sucked on the half time show. He said that Fergie sounded like an idiot singing that Guns N Roses song. Howard said they really wedge in a lot of commercials in the game too. He said that they rush those commercial in there and it's almost impossible to watch a game now. Robin said she was having trouble keeping up with the whole thing because they were away from the game for so long. The caller said it seems even worse during the regular season. Howard said there is no continuity to the game at all.
Howard said Ronnie went down to Dallas to do an appearance. He said it was freezing out there and they thought they were having a blizzard with one inch of snow. Howard said the driving was horrible and people were shoveling with brooms and dust pans because they don't have shovels. Howard said that everything was fucked up with the game too. He said they had 3 years to prepare for the game and they still had trouble getting people in the stadium. There were 400 people who showed up without seats. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what happened to that guy Beck. Robin said she thinks that he's still making music. Howard said he and David Spade could be brothers. They look alike.
Howard said he had some clips to play and one of them was Tom Hanks' son who has become a full blown out Wigger. He said he calls himself Chet Haze and he goes around doing this rapping stuff but it doesn't make sense. Howard got sidetracked and talked about how Eminem was on two commercials during the game last night. He said he doesn't get that. He said that the guy curses and he was in rehab and stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't get it. Howard said he also liked that Joan Rivers got the Godaddy commercial. He said he doesn't even know what Godaddy is.
Howard said he was laughing his ass off listening to this Tom Hanks' son clip. He said he wonders if he talks to his dad like this when he calls. Howard played the audio and goofed on the way he was talking as soon as he heard it. Howard did an impression of him talking about how he grew up in the shitty part of Beverly Hills and things like that. Howard analyzed the lyrics of the song and did his own rapping.
Howard said maybe he should play some of his Letterman appearance. Robin said they should. Howard played the first segment from Letterman. They noticed that Paul was playing ''Lets Get Serious'' as he was coming out. Gary said that's the third or fourth time Paul has played that song for him. Howard said that Paul doesn't have eye of the tiger. Howard played more of the audio and he was telling Dave how he wants him to beat Jay Leno in the ratings. Howard told Dave he's fascinated with the late night wars and he follows it like it's the Torah. He said he stayed away from Dave for a couple of years but he's ready to comment on all of this now. He said that Jay is horrible and everyone knows that. Howard talked to Dave about the super bowl commercial he did with Jay and how he had his foot on his neck at the time. Dave said it seemed like a good idea at the time. Howard said he didn't like it. Howard said he doesn't even acknowledge his competitors.
Howard told Dave he ran into Rob Burnett back stage and he told him he has some god damn nerve directing a movie while Dave is trying to beat Jay. Dave thanked Howard for that. Paul Shaffer said he was fired up too so Howard went off on him about his book writing. Howard said that he's gotten a little complacent. Howard asked Paul how many pianos he has back there and goofed on him about that too. Howard told Paul he's busy at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and he should be concentrating on Dave's show first. Paul agreed and said that he's right about that.
Howard and Dave talked about Regis during that segment too. Howard told Dave how he lives in the same building as Regis and he thinks that he was fired from that show. He said that Dave has to get his people fired up and get the show beating Jay just like Regis should start a new show and beat that show he's been fired from.
Howard also talked about the scandals that Dave and Charlie Sheen have had and how he can't keep a job like they can. Howard said that they sued him at CBS when all he did was mention where he was going to be working. Dave joked that he didn't even need to come in that night. Howard said he felt like Bill Cosby going on and on except he was making sense. Howard told Dave that they can't let Cosby drone on and on when he's on the show.
Howard interrupted and said that they had Cosby on the show a few weeks ago and Bill hijacked that show and he thought Dave was going to kill himself.
Howard played more of the audio where he apologized to Dave. He was telling Dave about going to therapy and he wanted to apologize to him. Howard said that he and Dave had a relationship where they would call each other. Howard said he loved it but he betrayed Dave. He said that he knows Dave was offended and he was sorry for that. He said that he is able to keep that stuff private now. He said he did the wrong thing with Dave. Dave said he accepts the way Howard is on the radio because he knows how he operates. He said he is still fond of his ability and what he represents to America. Dave said he knew if he started sucking up to him that he'd be able to say something.
Howard told Dave that he always sounded miserable when he'd talk to him off the air. Howard said he read about Dave's troubles and they took away the fun stuff he was doing at work. Howard told him to go back to doing what he was doing. Dave went to break right after that.
Howard said he thought the Kelsey Grammer stuff was good too. He said that Dave calls Kelsey Grammer ''Chelsea.'' He played that clip too. Howard said maybe it was too much to play the whole thing. Robin said she wanted to hear it. Howard played the rest of the clip. Howard and Dave were talking about Howard's new contract and why he decided to stay. Howard asked Dave how long he's going to keep doing what he's doing. Dave said it might be two years. Howard was asking everyone to give Dave ratings to make his dream come true.
Howard went on to tell Dave about how he decided to stay on radio. Howard said that this was a long way from the Kelsey Grammer thing. Howard played more of the clip but fast forwarded through it until he got to the Kelsey Grammer thing. He got to that part where Howard brought up Camille Grammer's appearance and how she insinuated that Kelsey might like dressing up like a woman. Then Dave called Kelsey ''Chelsea.'' Howard joked around with that for a few seconds. Howard said that was kind of crazy.
Howard said he thought he looked terrible physically on the show. He said he didn't think he looked that good. Robin said she saw what he was talking about with his neck. Robin said he looked fine and she's not sure what he can do about the neck thing. Howard said that it's bad. Robin said his face was fine. Howard said he is an older guy now. He's not going to do anything about it. He said he knows he doesn't look good so he's just going to leave it alone.
Howard said he should wear a scarf to cover up his neck. He said maybe he'll go to an ascot or something. He figures it's much worse than Robin is making it out to be since she's just being nice to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to give Robin some shit. He was going on too long so Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he had some other notes about the Super Bowl. He said that Doritos upsets him. He said they have so much money. He said he thinks that the name ''Frito Lay'' is so funny too. He said he's thought that since he was a kid. Howard said he would laugh when he heard the name. Howard said he thought the commercial where the guy licked the finger of the other guy was funny even though he hates Doritos.
Howard said there was another commercial where some black people hit a white woman in the head with a Pepsi can. He said he thought that was very weird and it seemed very racial. Howard said it was bad for black people and bad for white people. Howard said he was watching the Doritos and Pepsi commercials after each other and it made him realize why this country is so fat. Howard said that it's unbelievable how big that business is.
Howard talked about A-Rod and Cameron Diaz some more and how it reminded him of seeing a king having women waiting on him. Howard said that she wants to please him so bad and she's jamming her fingers down his throat. Howard said that she won't even acknowledge that she's seeing the guy though.
Howard said that one good tweet during the game was from some guy who asked him about who he was rooting for where he asked if he was for Ben Raplisberger or the Fudgepackers.
Howard said he was also surprised by the 15 yard penalty for the guy who celebrated after he got a touchdown. Howard said that they should let the guy celebrate a little bit.
Howard said he liked the Budweiser commercial where the guy sang the Elton John song. He said he saw the Xoom tablet. He said he liked that. He liked the looks of Thor and Captain America movies. Howard said that he couldn't believe that there's another Fast and Furious movie. Robin said that Natalie Portman must have filmed a bunch of movies before she got pregnant. He said that there's nothing less hot than a pregnant Natalie Portman. He said she looks like John Madden with that belly. He said she pushes it out so everyone can see it. He said that it's like twice the size of her body. Robin said she's constantly touching it too.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Cameron Diaz probably wipes A-Rod's ass too. Howard said he's probably right. He said that would be a great half time show if they had her doing all kinds of weird stuff. He said they could have her clipping his toe nails and things like that.
Robin brought up ''Cowboys & Aliens'' and how good that looked. Howard said he liked that too. He said he saw the commercial where Fonzie hit the TV and got it working in that one commercial. Howard said that reminded him of how bad that show got. He said that Fonzie would hit anything and it would work.
JD came in and said that the Battle of Los Angeles looked great too. Howard said he thinks that the Transformers movie looks okay and the chick looks really hot. Howard said Megan Fox should have kept her mouth shut. He said that's what he learned from that commercial.
Gary said that the commercial for Limitless looked good. Super 8 looked good too. Howard said he liked that Limitless commercial. He had to go to break after that since Piers Morgan is there.
Howard came back and played some audio of Sal and Richard asking some people about Piers Morgan and Howard Stern.
Howard said that Piers said he wanted to play chess with him on the air or something. Piers came in dressed in jeans which was a change for him. Howard said he likes that casual look. Piers said that he dresses like that on his show now. He felt overdressed while Howard was on.
Howard said he told Piers he liked him after his interview on his show. Howard said he felt that Piers was trying to set something up and he's setting it up for some weird criticism from the press. He said Piers is being grandiose and he's getting bashed over it. Piers said that he's only been doing his show for 3 weeks now. Piers said that he's on a network that's broadcast to 350 million people. Howard said that Piers is only reaching 3 people out of that 350 million.
Howard told Piers that he's not competing with him. He said he's competing with Sean Hannity and people like that. Piers agreed and said that he likes competing with Howard though. Piers thought that Howard got into Twitter to compete with him on that. Piers said that Howard is worried about him so that's why he's on Twitter now.
Piers said that all of Howard's fans were telling him to rip him a new one but he's not sure why they're like that. Howard said he feels no rivalry with Piers. He said that he likes the guy and he thought he was terrific on America's Got Talent. He said he loves Howie Mandel on there too.
Howard said that it was weird how Piers won't talk about how David Hasselhoff got fired from America's Got Talent. Piers said that it's not his business to talk about that. He got his job over in England though so he's fine.
Piers said his ratings are back up as of last week. He said that they're up 3 times as high as they were when the Kardashians were on. Piers also wanted to talk about the ratings and how Howard had 1.2 million viewers after Oprah brought him 2 million. Piers aid that Howard lost him half his ratings. He said that it looked dodgy there for a moment.
Howard said he had some advice for Piers. He said he saw him at the Knicks game and Piers was asking him to come on his show to help him out with his ratings but he did it in such a way that it sounded like Piers was going to be doing him a favor. Howard said that's not the way it works.
Howard asked Piers if he thinks that Larry is thinking that they're going to want him back since his ratings weren't so good. Piers said Larry did a lot of shows in those years he did on the air. He said he will never say a bad word about the guy. He said he worked very hard.
Howard asked if it's true that they offered Katie Couric his show first. Piers aid he doesn't know that but he doesn't believe that it's true. Piers told Howard about a show he did over in England called ''Life Stories'' and he made Simon Cowell cry on the show. He said he just did the same kind of things that he did with Howard. He said that he thought it was very interesting to him how Howard talked about his dad and what he meant to him. He said that it was very clear how much the guy meant to him. Piers said that was probably one of the great moments of his life when his dad told him he was a genius. He said he knew it meant a lot to him. Piers said the same thing happened to Simon Cowell on his show.
Piers said that Simon is a sensitive guy and he's very hard working. He said he has an emotional side too and people don't get to see that. He said that Simon got a number one record and he called his dad to talk to him about that and his mom wouldn't put him on the phone. It turned out that his father had died that day. Simon wasn't able to tell him about that incredible moment in his life. Piers said that Simon got emotional and you saw raw emotion from the guy and you rarely see that from him. Piers said that he saw that with Howard during that interview he did with him too.
Howard told Piers that he should do shorter interviews with people like the Kardashians. He said that he can do full hours with people like Oprah and Howard Stern but not with the Kardashians. Piers said that they're going to be changing the show up and that was always the plan. Howard said they could have the Kardashians and Paris Hilton on at the same time or something like that.
Howard asked Piers about his Twittering and if he does that all day long. Piers asked Howard to tell all of his followers to follow him. He said that he is @piersmorgan on Twitter. Piers aid that he has to tell his fans that he's forgiven him. Howard said that he has no problem with him. He never did. Piers said that Howard was talking about him the other day and how he asked him about coming on the show every month and he was just joking.
Piers said that he's on a station that's on in 220 countries and Howard isn't known all over the place like he is. Howard said that he's no star in the United States. Howard said that this is the greatest market in the world. Howard said he doesn't care if Piers is number one in the Congo.
Piers told Howard that his mother once helped him get out of a horrible job he was in and got him on the road to journalism.
Piers said that Howard gave himself the title ''King of All Media'' so he has no problem sharing his self confidence and saying that he's competing with him. Piers said that he's had hit shows and books and he's doing just as much as Howard. Howard said he has to beat him first though. Howard said he was just making fun of Michael Jackson when he came up with the King of All Media thing.
Howard said that Larry King was making like $10 million a year and Piers got paid like $68 million to do the show. Howard wondered if NBC told him to just take it or leave it when his contract renewal came up. Piers said he loves doing that show and they do pay him well to do it. Howard asked if it's millions of dollars. Piers said Howard knows that answer. Howard said it is in the millions.
Piers said there are soldiers out there getting paid $80,000 a year to do what they do in war. He said that his brother is making that kind of money and he's fighting and spending time in Afghanistan. He said that he was against the Iraq war but this Afghanistan war is another thing. He said that his brother feels that it's more defensible than Iraq was. Piers told Howard what his brother has told him about what goes on in Afghanistan and how they're able to go into the mountains and hide like cockroaches. He said they can't win a war on terror though. He said that soldiers need to know what the mission is and how they win. He said that's why they're risking their lives. Piers said when you go out and fight a generic war the troops get confused. He said the mission in Afghanistan is not to beat terror, it should be a way to dismantle Al Queda.
Howard said that the whole idea over there with General Patreus is to take all of the thugs over there and organize them to fight the taliban. Howard said that could just lead to another bin Laden though.
Howard asked Piers why he doesn't offer his opinion on his show. Piers said they did this week with some Egypt shows. He said they went live every day. Howard said it seems like CNN doesn't want him giving his opinions. Piers said that they don't want him doing a Glenn Beck kind of show where he's screaming from the right or the left. Howard said he finds his twitter interesting and he should be doing that on TV. Piers said that his show is all things and it's not just one side. Piers said that he thinks CNN should come right down the middle and not have a one sided thing going on.
Piers said that he does like the other shows like Bill O'Reilly. He said he just met Bill at the same game he saw Howard at. Howard said that Bill wants him to do his show too. Piers said that Bill was there in the VIP Lounge and he said it was nice to meet him. He said that he didn't seem to know who he was. Piers said he saw Bill's daughter whisper something to him and then Bill had to come up to him and ask to take a picture with him. He said that Bill took the picture and someone in the room had run up to him and put his hand over the camera and said that they must respect the privacy of their celebrities. Piers said it was a great moment and the guy didn't know who Bill was. Piers said he told Bill ''welcome to the King of All Media.''
Howard asked Piers about how he had never met his birth father. He died when he was very young. Piers said that his mother did remarry and he had a dad there when he was growing up. He said his biological father died at 32. Piers said he went to the funeral for his sister and this guy came to him who said he had met his father. He said that the guy told him that his father was full of chat and opinions and he told him about what a big chess player he was and how he liked doing crosswords and stuff. He was a dentist too and he used to be a journalist. He said he had no idea. Howard said he bets that he was probably competitive and that's why he died from an ulcer.
Piers said that his step-father adopted him and Piers thinks that he's an extraordinary man. He said that the guy is great and it's the only dad he's ever known.
Howard asked Piers if his brother is jealous of the money he's making. Piers said that he gives his brother trips here and there and he throws him parties so he does lavish him with a bit. He said that he has been given a lot of money to do what he does so he likes to throw his siblings some money. Piers said he bought a pub over in England called the Handsome Cab. He said he's going back there next weekend and he's going to guzzle a pint of beer when he gets there. He said that Howard can have free beer for life if he goes over there.
Howard asked Piers what his chess rating is. Piers said he knows that Howard is very serious. Howard said he's actually quit as of 2 weeks ago. He said he was obsessed and it was taking up his life. He said he had to quit. Piers thinks that he gave up because he heard that he plays too. Piers wanted to play him there on the air and if he won, he wanted Howard to admit he's the King of All Media. Howard said ''No!'' when he asked him that.
Howard asked Piers about his new wife who lives in England. piers said she comes and goes all the time. Howard said Piers' publicist is so hot. He said that Piers has to be careful. He said that Piers has this very young, attractive girl hanging around him. He said she's very nice. Howard said that he's sitting with her in what looks like a full blown date. He said that he has a publicist too but he doesn't hang out with her. Howard said his publicist is a guy. Howard asked why his wife is in England. Piers said that she likes England.
Howard said it's odd that his wife is in England. Howard asked if he's fucking his publicist. Piers said that he's in love with his wife. He told Howard if he's in love with his publicists then he should talk to her about that. Howard called her in there. Her name was Megan.
Megan came in and Howard said ''Give me a break...'' Howard said he thinks that Piers is in love with her. Piers said he loves her as his publicist. Howard asked how old she is and found out she's 29 and she's single. She said that she's with Piers about 60 percent of the day. Howard said that she's not there at night when he's sleeping then. Howard asked if she's attracted to him. She said she's not. Piers sounded shocked. Howard asked if she would have sex with him before Piers. She said she would. Piers told her to get out and that she was fired. Howard asked if they've gone to first base. Megan said that they haven't done anything.
Bobo called in and said that Piers isn't even in Howard's league. He said he comes out as this hard asked guy and he's just not that guy.
Another caller said she's so sick of this guy and he's so arrogant and pompous. Howard said that he thinks that Piers is a bundle of insecurity and he's trying to succeeded in this country. Howard said he doesn't have to try this hard. Piers said that no one has ever died of hard work. The woman said this kind of bravado just shrinks your dick.
Howard said CNN cut out all of the penis discussions they had. Piers said they have it all online. Howard said that's not fair to do an interview and edit it all out like that.
Howard gave Piers some plugs for his TV show that's on CNN at 9pm during the week. Howard took another call and the guy went off on him like all of these other callers were. Piers said he thinks that the fans are nervous that there will be a new King of All Media.
Another caller asked what his plans are when he gets fired from CNN. Piers said he was fired from the Daily Mirror and it was the best thing that could have happened to him. Piers told Howard about what they had printed in the paper that they said were faked pictures and he had no idea. He said that they never did prove that they were fake though. He said that they just accused them of being faked.
Howard wondered why we can't torture these guys who are being held. He said that he thinks that they should be allowed to do that.
Howard said that Piers mentioned his name on Letterman when he was on. Piers said that he once again helped him out. Howard said that Oprah asked him about the fun interviews he did and he didn't mention his name. Howard asked if they told him not to bring up his name. Piers said he was just trying to torture Howard a little bit. Howard didn't believe that. Howard asked him how he could say Ricky Gervais was more memorable than Howard Stern. Piers said that it was on topic that night and Ricky is British too so that's why he brought him up. Howard said he just wanted to know if Oprah said something to him about bringing up his name.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why Piers can't come up with his own title instead of stealing someone else's. Piers said he likes bringing down dictators. Howard said that Piers has to do something really spectacular to get his title from him. Piers said that he appreciates him having him on the show and he's welcome on his show anytime.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Piers is great and he's glad he has someone on the air with a brain in their head. Howard said that's his point about Piers. He said that's why he's a fan of his. He has a good opinion and he does a good job on America's Got Talent and that's what he should be doing on his CNN show. Piers said that he did that last week and he has to watch his show to see that he's taking his advice. Piers said that he will be the King of All Media in the next 3 years.
Howard got back to the publicist and asked Piers when he last saw his wife. Piers said it was 2 weeks ago. He didn't want to talk about the sexual stuff. Howard said he must be beating off a few times a week. Howard asked if he has ever thought about Megan when he beats off. Piers said he thinks about beating Howard. Piers said he's not going to go there with him. He said that he has not thought of Megan while his wife is away. He said you never dip your pen in the company ink. Howard asked what he does when the pressure builds up in his balls. piers said he'll just come and see Howard.
Howard told Piers he can have the title if he wants it. He said he really doesn't care. He said he likes Piers and has no problem with him. Howard wrapped up and was about to go to break when Piers showed him a picture of his wife. Howard said she's a doll. He asked what she does. piers said she's a journalist. Howard asked if she's a journalist at the Playboy mansion. He said she's actually at the Daily Mail over in England. Howard said that he must have met her at work and got rid of the first wife. Piers said he had been separated for about 6 years when he met this woman. Howard said she's got some nice boobs. Howard asked if they're natural. Piers said they are. Howard wrapped up, wished Piers luck and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon came in and ran down what they were going to cover today.
That led to them talking about Howard's tweeting over the weekend. Howard said Vinnie prompted him to get into it and he enjoyed it. He didn't think he would but he did.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said he wanted to say a few more things about the Super Bowl commercials. He said he saw the Ozzy commercial with Justin Bieber and he feels bad for Ozzy. He said it seems like it ruins something for him when he's with Justin Bieber. Howard said he saw that Kim Kardashian commercial and she looked amazing in it. He said she has zero talent though and it bothers him that she has no talent and she'd doing commercials like that. Howard said he's irritated with that and with the whole Ozzy and Justin Bieber thing.
Howard said he didn't like the commercial that had walking dogs. He said that bothers him too. Robin said that the two dog commercials tied for first place. Howard said it bothers him that Coca Cola and Pepsi have so much money. He said one of them did an awful commercial with dragons and stuff and they must have spent millions on it. He said it wasn't good. He said they did that all for nothing.
Howard said he watched YouPorn before the game. He said he saw one called ''babysitter gets fucked by family.'' He said that the chick had a nice body but the mother was a big, fat blonde woman. Howard said that the mother takes the babysitter up to take her to bed and then helps her take her clothes off. He said that she put her to bed and there was no sex. Howard said he loved the whole set up. He said it was the best he's seen on YouPorn. He said that the babysitter gets up and comes into the parents room and she goes down on her. He said that they all have southern accents. He said that he blew his load watching it though.
Howard said Kidd Chris is working in some shithole now and he got a call from him last night. Howard said he's out in Portland or something like that. Howard said Chris didn't say that it's shitty, he's the one saying it. Howard said Chris has to go out and feed people one day a week. Howard said the station made him go out and a do an appearance at a bar. He said Chris went and the guy at the door had no idea who he was and wouldn't let him in. Howard said that Chris left him a message about that and that's what radio is like. Howard said that Chris got turned away at his own appearance and he has to go out and feed people once a week.
Howard said that Adrian Brody was doing a commercial for that Chatter.com during the game last night. Howard said he's not doing anymore social networking so he's not even going to go there. He said he's still trying to figure out the Twitter thing.
Howard said he liked seeing Richard Lewis and Roseanne in the Snickers commercial. Howard said Joe Buck made some dopey commented during the game. He went over a bunch of the stuff he had already talked about earlier in the morning.
Howard said he spelled Montana wrong in one of his Tweets. He said that people got really pissed at him and went off on off on him. Howard said that he had Jerry O'Connell telling him he was tweeting too much and Stamos was telling him that he taught Ralph how to tweet and all of that. He said it was crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was great on Letterman. He said he was shocked at some of the stuff he said to Dave.
Another caller said he was at Letterman the other night and he was told to sit down when he stood up for Howard. He said they were all Stern fans around him but they told him to sit down. He said that they tell the crowd that they can't do standing ovations. Robin said that might be a reaction to what Leno does with the fake standing ovations. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin read about how David Hinkley has a girlfriend. Robin read that he's dating a woman who visits him in jail.
Robin read about the Wilpon family and how they made some money while dealing with Bernie Madoff so they may have to give up some of that money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's Twitter is doing really well and he's passing up other celebrities like Jay Leno. Howard said that he can die a happy man now. He did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Mark Kelly, Gabrielle Giffords husband, has decided to go on the final Space Shuttle flight. Howard said he was shocked by that. He said he can't go. He said he would be in Oprah sainthood if he had stayed home. Robin said that Mark thinks that his wife will be at the launch in April. Howard said she's not going to be there. Howard said if Beth did that to him he'd be upset. He said the move is to stay home. Robin said he's already made his decision. Howard just said ''Wow...''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to the show for 20 years and his Letterman appearance was the best one yet. He said it was just great. Howard thanked him for that. The guy also said he was talking to some fans over the weekend and they were talking about Fred and how he can validate stuff when Howard asks him about it. Howard thanked him for that and did another live commercial.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan and how she's come out saying that she didn't rob anyone but there may be charges coming out in the coming weeks. Howard said Harvey Levin has all of that information on his Twitter. They spent a minute talking about what Lindsay is saying about what really happened. Howard figured she won't go to jail for that one.
Robin read a story about an event canceling a Sarah Palin appearance after getting a lot of negative feedback about her being there.
?Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard mentioned the morning mash up going to the Super Bowl and he just doesn't get it. He said he saw that the Foxxhole was there too. He wondered if Sirius paid for that too. Howard said he questions the wisdom of the company spending money to do that with their shows like the morning mash up. The caller said Scott Ferrall should have been down there. Howard said he has feelings about the way they spend money around there. He said he doesn't know what's going on.
Another caller said she's incensed about Piers Morgan. She said that she's talking about the torture photos he referred to. She was going on a little too long for Howard but she wouldn't let him hang up on her. She said that he has a history of creating feuds with people. She said that she also wanted to bring up Jeremy Clarkson who threw a drink in piers' face. Howard said he was tuning out and really doesn't care. He hung up on her. He did another live commercial and a commercial break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard brought up how Tim Sabean fell down as they were leaving Letterman. Howard said Howard TV had the audio of it. They played the clip and you can hear the sound of Tim slamming into the ground.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about the Huffington Post and how they had a big ad on the Super Bowl and now AOL is buying it. Howard said he thought that they just linked to their stories. Benjy said that the Drudge Report is collected links and Huffington is almost all content created just for them. Howard said he likes this new ''The Daily'' that's on the iPad. Howard said when it's on 3G it's really slow. Howard said the idea of it is really cool though and it'll be good once they get it going. Howard said Richard Johnson is doing the gossip page for it and that's good.
Howard said he was reading about this teacher that went on a vacation and posted some pictures on her Facebook page. She was holding a beer in the picture, that's it. She was fired over that. It was a private page. This wasn't for her students or anything. Gary said a parent complained and they said she was either suspended or fired. Gary said she had a beer in her hand at a pub and that's what she was fired over. They also got her for something that said ''bitch'' on her page. They're not revealing who the parent was either.
Robin read a story about how they had 103,219 people at the Super Bowl this weekend. Robin said he can't imagine being in a crowd that big. Howard said he loves watching it on TV and watching the commercials. He said that he loves it that way. Robin said she's not sure why people want to be in crowds like that.
Robin read about a poll that was held about the commercials and they voted that the two commercials with the dogs were best. Howard said he didn't like those commercials. Robin said she liked the Eminem commercials. Howard said that guy is so angry all the time. Robin had some audio of him talking about why he doesn't appear in very many commercials. Howard said that he was in every other one, what's he talking about? Robin read about some of the other stars that appeared in Super Bowl commercials too. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Christina Aguilera's screw up of the National Anthem. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said at least she sang live. Howard said that he's prefer it live and wrong over pre-recorded and right. Howard played the audio and said she has a good voice. She did screw up some of the lyrics though. Robin said she was on Twitter apologizing for the screw up. Robin had some other Super Bowl news and audio clips that they went through.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Twitter is gay and he has to get off of it. Howard said he just started talking about it today. The guy changed the subject but Howard asked why it's gay. The guy said that it's just gay. Howard said he should have better things to do other than Tweeting. The caller also asked about Letterman not looking at people in the eye and if he does that with Howard. Howard said he doesn't see him back stage. He said he's never spoken to anyone about it either. He hung up and got back to Robin's news.
Robin had some more football news and had some audio of some people talking about next season and what they're going to do about the player lock out.
Robin read some news about Egypt and had some audio clips to play. Howard took another call after that. The caller asked what the deal is with the Howard TV guys why they don't have the Bonus Show or Show in the Hall. Howard said they have a lot of big stuff coming up. The caller said that he needs his fix of Rachel Fine on there. He told Doug to get off his ass.
Robin read a story about Shia Lebouf having a rough night over the weekend. She said that he was handcuffed after a fight on Saturday night. Robin said he may be following in the footsteps of Charlie Sheen. Robin said that an eyewitness said that he was being taunted at a bar when it was taken outside. Howard said Michael Douglas was running around at that game last night and he should be home resting since he just got over cancer. Robin said Howard is sounding like his mother talking like that. She said he's probably trying to live life to the fullest. Howard did his impression of his mother for a short time talking about how you have to rest and not live life to the fullest.
Robin read about guitarist Gary Moore dying over the weekend. They haven't disclosed the cause. Robin read what she had and Howard played some Thin Lizzy music.
Robin read some details about the box office results from this weekend. Robin said that ''The Roommate'' was number one.
Robin had some details about Lady Gaga appearing on the cover of Vogue in a couple of months. Robin had some of her music to play after talking about that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:10am.
Jon went over some of the other stuff they were going to cover today and talked about what Howard was saying about David Letterman's assistant trying to get in touch with him for Dave. They spent a minute on that and also about Tom Hanks' son. Gary said his son Lucas is rapping and he's hoping that he's outgrow it. He said he thinks that he might be encouraging him and he was showing him some old school rap stuff. He thinks that it's just a phase though.
Jon and Gary talked about the Super Bowl and Gary asked Jon how he handled it when the Steelers lost. Jon said he felt kind of helpless and it wasn't good. His daughter said she was sorry and that kind of deflated him. He said that he was pissed about the game. Jon said that when it was 21-3 his family knew it wasn't a good time to watch the game with daddy. Gary said that it's hard to feel sorry for him when the Steelers have won 6 Super Bowls. Jon said that he is kind of bummed.
Jon moved on to talk about Piers Morgan and how he comes in there all worked up and it seems to piss people off. Gary said he knows that Will gets pissed off by him. Gary said over in England he may have been the King of All Media but he talks about Howard to get him worked up so he'll talk about him. He said that's the way it appears to him. He felt that he was just busting Howard's balls though. Jon said that there is some truth in it too though.
Jon asked Benjy what he thinks about Piers and the way he gets under Howard's skin. Benjy said that when you joke around with Howard you never know how it's going to come out. He said he has a feeling that he may have been joking around with Howard and Howard took it seriously or tried to make a joke out of it. He said he liked Piers a lot better today. He said he's still not that fascinated with him though. He said he's not sure how he is as an interviewer though. Gary said he was much more interesting when he wasn't trying to be a pro-wrestler. He said he liked him on The Apprentice when he was being real too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Piers isn't in Howard's league at all. He said Howard is much more mellow now and it's not going to turn into a batter. The guy also said Ralph isn't that good at dressing Howard. He also went off on Benjy telling him that he's not all that funny on the regular show. He said he's good on Wrap Up but he has to stop with the shtick on the regular show. The guy said that it's not funny when Fred does his impression of Benjy because it's an impression of Benjy. He said it's really annoying. He said Benjy doesn't have that charm or charisma that Jackie had.
Gary was wondering about the way Howard dresses and said that he thinks that he's developed a look and people really get pissed at it. He said he's not sure if it's the look or the fact that Ralph dresses him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he didn't think Howard gave it to Piers the way he expected him to. Gary said that Howard told him that he wasn't in this war that Piers seems to think they're in. Gary said they did go over that stuff and Howard let Piers off the hook because he's really not in a war with him. He said if he was in a war they probably wouldn't even book him.
Jon brought up the publicist and how hot she was and how awkward things got when Megan came in. Gary said when he came back out JD was in the hall talking about how hot she was. He said she was so hot that it was making JD angry. JD came in and said that he wanted to go in and ask her out but he backed out. He said that he doesn't think she even saw him. Gary asked JD why he think that she would want to go out with him. JD said he didn't say she would. He told them to forget he even said anything. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about the commercials and the take Howard had on them. Gary said he didn't find them all that interesting this year. He said that it's usually a good time to go and do something but you don't want to miss them. Benjy was out drinking last night and missed the game so he watched the commercials online. Benjy said that he knew when he watched the dog commercial that Howard wouldn't like it. Gary said he liked it. Benjy said he knows that Howard hates that stuff.
Jon brought up Christina Aguilera and how she screwed up the lyrics of the National Anthem. They talked about that for a minute and then Ralph called in. He said he was distracted by Christina's double chin so he didn't notice the screw up. He was also talking about Howard's clothes and how he and Howard work together on that. He said that sometimes it's Howard who changes things and wants to go in a different direction. He said he thinks that it's the fact that he's involved that upset some people.
Benjy asked Ralph if he would still want to have sex with Christina Aguilera. Ralph said he'd be looking for a hotter chick at a bar.
Jon asked what he thinks about Stamos talking about how he taught him how to use Twitter. Ralph said that Jon showed him how to use it but he found it really confusing at the time so he didn't bother. He said that he had to show Jon how to do some stuff on it once he learned it on his own. He said he thinks that Howard will do it a lot and then it'll trail off. He said he was showing him some stuff the other day and he got sick of hearing about it. He said he did show him how to block people. He said he was on a tear last night blocking people and he wishes he could do that in real life.
Jon moved on and took a call from a guy who said that Tweeting is gay because it's like women sitting around telling people what they're doing. He said the evolution of Howard is amazing to him. He said that he's become a celebrity seeking attention whore. He thinks that it's all coming from Beth too. He said that Howard has become so infatuated that he'll do anything to appease her. He said that Beth has cut off his balls. Gary asked what Howard was before that. The guy said he was the cynical Howard. He said now he hangs with the celebrities and he's giving into Beth for everything. The guy said that Howard has turned into this attention whore. The guy said women like to sit wondering what other women are thinking. That's what Twitter is.
Gary said he thinks that celebrities Tweeting is interesting. He said that when his book came out he was able to do some promotion but he also talks about stuff and gets feedback. He said that he doesn't understand why anyone who isn't famous would want to Twitter all day long. You follow Howard because Howard is Howard and he's not sure why anyone would follow a stranger. Benjy said that it's fun to make a mark and have an effect on the world. He said that there is something getting on there and getting it out into the world. The caller kept saying that it was an attention seeking whore. Gary said he has to come up with something new to explain it. Gary said he's used the same term 17 times.
Jon and Gary said that some celebrities like to do it because they get to interact with their fans. You also feel that you're reaching more people than you would when you're alone. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard wore the same thing on Letterman that he wore on Piers Morgan. He was also wondering who came up with that hood look. Benjy said it was probably Ralph. The caller said that he thought he was awesome the other night.
Another caller said he's not a fan of the hood look because it's trying to look like a 17 year old and the hood was too small for Howard anyway. He said he thinks that he looks good most of the time though.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Dave did a Wrap Up Show mention during Letterman. Jon said he thought it was great. It was a quick mention after the Top 10 List and they even mentioned his name.
Jon asked Gary what happened to Tim Sabean. Gary said you can't do anything in this world without a camera catching it. JD was laughing at it and said it was a funny sound when he fell.
Jon asked JD if he's upset that Howard got verified already and he hasn't. JD said of course he is. Gary is verified too. Gary said that maybe he can help JD out and get him verified too. JD said he's fine as is. Gary said that Howard going on Twitter has bumped him up with followers too. He said he went from 30,000 or so to over 55,000. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how it's becoming a thing to have a hit song you have to pout the word ''fuck'' in there. There are two songs in the top 5 with the word in it. He said he's not sure how he feels about that. There's an Enrique Iglacias song with the word fuck in it. He played some of that song. He said they release one on the internet with the word actually in it but then they clean it up for the air on terrestrial radio. Howard said Cee-Lo did that with a song too. Howard said he doesn't know that guy very well though. He said the song is a ballad but he's not sure what it's called. Gary and Fred told him it's called ''Fuck You.'' Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning and he's really aggravated. He said he wanted that song right away and he wasn't getting it fast enough.
Howard played some other songs from the top 5. He had the Black and Yellow song. Gary gave him some information about that and Howard told him to stay away from him because he's in a bad mood. Gary said he knows. Howard was upset that he had to get up at 2:30 in the morning to piss. He said he drank a bottle of water and had to get up early. He said he watched Smallville late last night and peed before bed but then he had to get up at 2:30.
Howard said his doctor told him that he had an enlarged prostate and he has smelly balls from his pee dribbling on them. He said he'd disgusting and he hates the way he looks. He said he hates everything when he's tired like this.
Howard said Twitter is driving him nuts. He said he was reading complaints from people for not Twittering. He said he did 3 tweets and then he got complaints about doing too much. He said he's going to stop reading the comments but then that's what makes it fun. He said he was all worked up about what's going on over in Egypt. Howard said that Hosni Mubarak stole billions from his people and he's going to have to get the hell out of there.
Howard said he was going to Twitter back to Jon Favreau about how he'd rather see Cowboys vs. the Muslim Brotherhood. He said that they're a bunch of scumbags and they're going to get someone in power worse than this Hosni Mubarak guy.
Howard and Robin spent some time going over the Egypt thing and how Howard wants to see the Muslim Brotherhood taken care of in a movie like Cowboys vs. Aliens. Howard said that these fucknuts over there are all jealous. He said they have all of this oil money and more and all of their people are fucked because of a guy like Hosni Mubarak.
Howard said that he knew nothing about this guy Hosni. Robin said the government doesn't want us to know about what's going on over there. She said this is like the Shah of Iran or Saddam Hussein. We're constantly propping them up over there.
Howard said we ignore most of the countries that don't have any oil in them. He said it seem to only matter if they have oil. Howard said no one cares about human rights unless they do have oil. Howard said he's glad he got that off his chest. He said he doesn't have to yell at Baba Booey now.
Howard said this guy was such a freak that he'd give the girls a prepared script. He had some of the script that was printed out. He said it would say something like ''Oh Joe, I love you.'' and things about not wearing a condom and things like that. Howard said he doesn't have the whole script because it's like 2 pages long. Howard said they claim that this guy Joe and Elliot Spitzer were the worst clients that these madams had.
Howard said he was reading about a bill that was passed by Elliot Spitzer there in New York and it treats people who are involved in sex trafficking really severely. Howard read that article too. He said this guy would sell young girls into the sex trade and he'd take their money. Howard said that Spitzer must have been out of his mind signing this into law and then going out to prostitutes.
Howard got back to the top 5 songs and played the rest of the songs he didn't get to. Katy Perry is still in the top 5 with ''Firework.'' Howard said she's in the paper with her ''big milky dugs'' in there. Howard said he really likes her. He said she's wearing a tittie top in this pictures. He said she's launching her new perfume down in Mexico. He showed Robin the picture and Robin said that's some dress she has on.
Howard asked Robin if she would wear something like that. Robin said that would be tough. Howard said her jugs must be as big as Robin's.
Howard said one of the songs is by Bruno Mars and he was thinking that was Jared Leto's band but then said that his band is 30 Seconds to Mars. Howard played some of the Bruno Mars song and wondered if the guy is black. Robin said that it's really hard to tell these days.
That led to them talking about Tom Hanks' son and his rap song. Howard ended up asking for the audio of that kid's rap song and ended up getting into a discussion with Gary that he didn't want to be in. He said he was in a really bad mood. He apologized to Gary for yelling at him. Gary said the kid is only 15-16 years old.
Howard also talked about that kid Jared Leto and what a mess he turned out to be. Howard said he stopped acting and became a musician. He wondered if he's ever had a hit song. Howard wondered how he makes a living. He said it can't be from that TV show he did with Claire Danes called ''My So Called Life.'' Gary said that he found the information about Chet Haze and how he's actually 20 years old and he's in college.
Howard played some of that Chet Haze stuff that he played yesterday. He goofed on the kid about the way he was talking and rapping in the clip. Howard said that Gary was talking about how his son is getting into this too. He said that he's thinking that it's just a phase he's going through. Gary said that his son is freestyling in the bathroom sometimes. Gary said that he's going to be pissed if he's still doing it at 22. He said he's just 13 now so it's fine.
Gary said that Lisa G had Chet agree to do an interview but then he backed out of it. Howard said that his mom probably got to him. He continued to goof on the gangsta talk he was doing in this clip he was playing. Then Chet raps. Howard said he was going to hang with it for a while to hear what he has to say. He went through the lyrics and analyzed everything he was saying. He raps about stabbing someone in their peep hole with a ski pole. Then he says that he's the illest and things like that. Howard said his father should have been Will Smith because he could have turned him into a star. Howard said that's what he's doing with his daughter.
Gary said he had the number for Chet's manager. Howard said he doesn't want to call. He doesn't care. He said the kid is probably a nice kid and he'd feel bad.
Howard played more of Chet's song and said he's making TV references and it's like a black person. Robin said that he's making those references because that's all he knows. He knows quotes from ''Diff'rent Strokes.'' Howard and Robin said this kid knows nothing about Rodney King either. He raps about him being beaten down.
Howard said the guys that are running the Spider-Man Broadway show aren't letting anyone review it. They keep the show going without actually opening it officially. Robin said she was reading about it and it's not getting good reviews.
Howard took a call from Wheels who welcomed him to Twitter. Howard said he's enjoying it. He said that a lot of people are telling him they're glad he's on and people are joining because he joined. Wheels told Howard that Robin tweets too many ads about her stuff. Howard said he'll keep an eye on that.
Howard asked Wheels if he's following him. Wheels said he is but he doesn't have to worry about finding him.
Wheels told Howard that the Playboy morning show has naked pictures of girls and that's what Howard needs. Howard said there are so many free pictures of naked girls out there that he doesn't need them. Howard said he was on YouPorn last night and he really has to stop going on there. He said that it's bringing him outside of his marriage and it's just not right. Howard said he sits there naked by himself with that iPad balanced on his knee. He said he doesn't want to rub his meat but that's what he's doing while watching these depraved things.
Howard said the video he was watching was one of those videos where this guy is scamming girls into thinking he's going to get them into porn. Howard said he tells the girls that they have to get naked so he can see what they look like for porn. Howard said the guy tells the girls to come and blow him and they do it. Howard said the girl was blowing the guy and then he starts penetrating her. Howard said the guy blows his load all over her hair and then she has to leave his office.
Howard said after he watched that he was disgusted. He said he was touching the screen after rubbing his meat. Howard said he can't touch his phone screen either.
Howard said he saw that the Xoom is coming out on February 24th and he's excited about that but then people were telling him that it's going to cost too much. Howard said he's not sure what to do. He's loving his Android phone.
Wheels told Howard to put up pictures of the stars they have on the show. He said that he can tweet them on his phone. Howard said that it would take him out of the show if he did that. Wheels said he could have someone on the show doing it. Howard said they had one for the show but no one would tweet. Wheels said they have to do something more than just saying who's coming up on the show. Howard said Sal was going to do it but he's out of his mind.
Wheels asked Robin about her cats and how long it'll be before the kidney donor needs a kidney. Robin said it won't need eon. Howard said that Robin was looking for a new name for the cat but he loves the name Leroy Brown and told her to stick with that. Robin said she has to call the cat over to her and she wants something new. She said that it's the same name for now though.
Howard said he has a meeting coming up where he'll be trying to set something up for all of those people who do impressions. He's not sure if he'll be able to turn it into anything though.
Howard played the clip from the Wrap Up Show where this guy called in and said that Howard has changed because of Beth and that's why he'd tweeting. Howard said that people really don't know him and Beth actually thinks he's nuts for being on Twitter. He said that his fans are insane. He said that they have to know him after all these years. He said he was gay way before he met Beth. He said he has a very wide range of media that he watches. The caller on the Wrap Up Show was saying that Beth makes him watch The Bachelor but Howard said that he's not watching because of her. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Jon moved on and took a call from a guy who said that Tweeting is gay because it's like women sitting around telling people what they're doing. He said the evolution of Howard is amazing to him. He said that he's become a celebrity seeking attention whore. He thinks that it's all coming from Beth too. He said that Howard has become so infatuated that he'll do anything to appease her. He said that Beth has cut off his balls. Gary asked what Howard was before that. The guy said he was the cynical Howard. He said now he hangs with the celebrities and he's giving into Beth for everything. The guy said that Howard has turned into this attention whore. The guy said women like to sit wondering what other women are thinking. That's what Twitter is.
Howard played more of the clip and this guy was saying that Howard was ''In-fact-uated'' with Beth so much that he's doing everything she wants him to. Howard said he had hot chicks before Beth and he wasn't changing for them. Howard said that he can't stand it when people blame Beth for something. He said she's the nicest, sweetest human being he's ever met... besides Robin. Howard said he's going to punish the audience by not Tweeting today.
In the clip the guy was talking about what the old Howard was like and he wasn't into this celebrity stuff like he is now. Howard said it's not like he never knew celebrities in the past. Gary told Howard that the callers think that Howard used to make fun of these people but not he's their friend. Howard said he's not friends with Kathie Lee. Gary said people think that Howard should never have changed. Howard said he's ready to rip somebody's head off right now.
Howard said you can't fake being pissed off at someone. He said that's what he was trying to tell Piers yesterday. He said if you don't like someone genuinely then it's fine. He said he's not going to fake it. Howard said he's not going to say his wife makes him do things.
Howard said he hears the Wrap Up Show sometimes and wants to cancel it. He said everyone has something to say. He said he had to take a break after that. Robin said they didn't really finish anything today. Howard said he had a girl break up with him because he's all over the place. Howard said this girl wanted to meet him and he heard about that. Howard said he went over to her house to take a survey so he could meet her. She knew what he was up to. He said he had a conversation with her and was trying to impress her with his personality. He said she went out with him but she told him that he doesn't stay on topic so she had to break up with him. Howard said he'd like to call her now and tell her that she was right to break up with him. He can't stay on topic. He said he has a lot to say. He said they have a lot to get to today. They have Beetlejuice stopping in today. Howard said he loves him. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he was lecturing Gary during the break. He said he was talking to him about technology and just lectured the Techno Beaver.
Howard said that the Run DMC song is what Tom Hanks' son should be doing. Howard said that the fact that Steven Tyler is on American Idol kind of bummed him out in the beginning. He said that he's kind of happy to see him every week now though. Howard wondered if Simon Cowell is upset that the show is doing just fine without him now. Robin said that Paula Abdul's show seems to be doing just fine too. Howard said he didn't bother setting a season pass for that show. Howard said he saw that Simon is accepting 12 year olds on his show. Robin thought there was no age limit. Howard said it's 12.
Howard said Simon has seen so many young kids with talent that he wanted to open it up to younger kids. He said he's also allowing groups to perform. Howard said he thinks that's good. Robin said they're also coaching thee performers. Robin said they have a $5 million record contract at the end too.
Howard wondered if Beetlejuice was coming in or not. Will told him that he's late. Howard said that's fine. He asked if he has anything new going on. Will said he made a movie with Sal. Howard said e doesn't like what Sal did. He said that Sal goes out on the road with Beet and he set him up saying he was making a TV commercial for fried chicken. Sal had his cock through the chicken bucket and Beet reached in for chicken and he grabbed Sal's dick. Howard said Beet is retarded so you can't be doing stuff like that.
Will said that Beet's manager told him that Beet goes and bangs strippers and he doesn't pay them. The girls think that he's going to be able to pay them but he has no money.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Stuttering John and producing a movie about the Gotti crime family. Howard laughed as Steve was telling the story. Steve told Howard that the guy John is in business with spent some time in jail. He gave Howard the details of that and Howard said he can't imagine John being behind anything successful. Steve said that John and this other guy go way back. Robin said he might stumble into something good. Howard said he can't imagine that happening.
Fred did his impression of John stuttering up a storm and Howard pretended to be John Travolta talking to John in the meeting he had with him. Howard interviewed ''John'' asking about how he used to be the announcer on the Tonight Show but he got fired or something. Howard goofed on him for a couple of minutes. Fred was going over John's history and asking to borrow money like John used to do when he worked there.
Howard wrapped up his meeting with John and asked Steve what else he had. Steve said that Gary has his first review tonight about getting on the parks and recreation committee. That led to Fred doing his impression of Gary for a minute. Howard said that he's not sure why Gary would subject himself to this. He said that he may not get on this committee since he's on this radio show. Howard said people tend to think that they're all insane there. Howard said Gary likes doing that kind of stuff though.
Steve said Robin was supposed to be meeting with the mayor of Newark. Robin said that has been delayed. Gary asked what they were going to chat about. Robin said she was going to chat about what's going on in New Jersey. Robin wanted to know what Gary was doing so Gary was asking her what she was up to. Robin said she wasn't goofing on Gary. She said that she's getting involved in the education of the kids in Newark, that's all. Howard asked if Gary who is supposed to be at this meeting tonight. Gary said it's going to be the board members, him and Steve Langford.
Howard asked Robin about what she's going to wear to this meeting with the mayor. Robin said she's going to wear that Katy Perry dress. Howard asked if he's married. Robin said she doesn't know. Gary reminded them that they were banned in Newark for a while. Howard said it was a huge Pay-Per-View event that they did and they introduced Newark as the car jacking capital of the world. Howard said it was the truth at the time. Robin said she thought it was something else and not car jacking. Robin said it was car theft and not car jacking. Howard said it was just a joke but they got very upset with them.
Steve got in some plugs for Riley Martin's show and that led to Howard talking about the shout outs that Riley does and how he was thinking that he gets paid to do those. Howard played some of the shout outs he did last week where they were just unintelligible mumbles because Riley was out of it. Howard said they really should give the guy a raise. He said he loves him. Howard wondered how he's there and Bubba is gone. Howard said that he's proving his father right that anyone can do radio. Howard said there are a lot of radio guys who would kill to be on his channels but Riley is the one with a show. Howard said that is pretty amazing. He said that it is good radio though. He played another clip of Riley reading some shout outs where Sal and Richard sent in some fake names that Riley read. Howard said he loves that they have no idea that those are from them and that they're saying ''Eton Twots'' as they read those.
Howard read an article about car jackings in Newark and how they had a jump of 60 percent there just recently. Howard said this was written on January 10, 2011. Robin said that back when they did that pay-per-view it wasn't that high. Fred said they did say that it was once known as the car jacking capital in another article he read. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary was opening his mail and there was a letter with no stamp. Howard said it was from the office of William Jefferson Clinton. Howard said he didn't know that he could do that without postage. Howard said that his signature was good enough apparently. Howard said he got a note about his comments about him and Hillary on Piers Morgan. Howard said he said that Clinton was a great president and Hillary would have been a great one too. Howard said he thought Clinton was a great president but they cut out a lot of what he said. That's what he thinks happened anyway.
Howard said he's been saying this for a long time and he had to go on another show to finally get a response. Howard said this made him feel good getting that letter. Howard said he remembers Clinton kind of blowing by him back stage at a concert once. Howard said he was trying to mingle but Clinton shook Bon Jovi's hand and went right by him. Howard said he must not be a fan but he thanked him for the letter.
Howard said they should make Clinton President for life. He doesn't think that he'd abuse it like Hosni Mubarak. Robin said she thinks it's wise that they don't let anyone hold office that long.
Robin said that Beet had a Mohawk today. Howard asked if he does that himself or if his manager does that. Beet said that Bobby, his manager, cuts it. Howard asked if he ever gets confused with Will I Am from the Black Eyed Peas. He said that they do. Beet told Howard that he was also in the Super Bowl.
Howard asked Beet if he gets tired of doing the appearances. Beet said he loves it. He said he loves traveling and he can get away for a week. Howard said that one of the guys was telling him about Beet fucking a girl and he didn't pay her. Howard said he must get away with getting stuff for free all the time. Howard said he must not have any money on him. Beet said he had at least 50 grand on him. Howard told him to pull some out for him. Beet said he don't pull money out. He keeps it all in the bank.
Howard said that Beet shot a movie with Sal. He asked what the name of the movie was. Beet mumbled something that sounded something like Sexual Love. Howard said he heard that he shit his thong too. Beet said that's not true.
Howard asked Beet about what Sal did to him on the set of the movie. Beet said he got really fuckin mad at Sal about what he did. He put his dick out in a bucket of chicken. He said he told Sal he was going to beat the shit out of him if he did that again. Beet said he did it in front of one of his friends too.
Sal came in and apologized and told Beet he had a gift for him to apologize. Beet, who sounded very drunk, was telling Sal that he just can't do that shit to him. Beet asked if he thinks he's stupid. He kept asking over and over. Beet told Sal that he'd hit him if he tried that again. Sal tried to give him a gift in a bag but Beet wasn't falling for the trick again. Beet said that Sal is trying to act like a man but he's acting like a little bitch. Robin and Howard told Sal to get out of there.
Howard said Sal thinks he's funny. Beet said he's not fuckin funny. Howard said he didn't like what Sal did. Beet said it wasn't funny. Howard said he didn't know anything about it. Beet said it cost him a lot of money. It cost him at least 5 grand. Then beet said it was like 2 grand... or 3,000 dollars. Howard asked why it cost him money. Beet said he has people working for him.
Howard said he heard that Beet isn't a fan of President Obama. Beet said that he gave his mother a birthday card and he told him that if he sent her one again then he'd break his fuckin neck. Beet said he doesn't like his black ass and he'll beat his black ass. Howard asked if Beet is black. Beet said he's Puerto Rican. Bet said President Obama is a piece of garbage. He said he doesn't do anything and he just sits around all day doing nothing. Beet said that Bush was better and he worked and paid people. Howard asked how many times he voted for Bush. Beet said he voted for him 3 or 4 times.
Howard asked Beet about this movie he made. Beet said he made it with George Clinton and George Bush. Howard tried to get a straight answer out of him but Beet wasn't giving him one.
Howard said he heard a story about Beetlejuice. He was out on the road with his manager Bobby and Beet jerked off on the road and he told Bobby that it was an accident. Beet said he jerks off in front of Bobby's wife. He said that he likes to do that. He said he'll do it in the kitchen. He said he does it right in front of Bobby's wife.
Howard asked Beet if he knows what comes out of his penis. Beet said that's ''scum.'' Howard asked what she does when he jerks off in front of her. Beet said it turns her on a couple of times. Beet said he does it in front of his own wife too. Beet was all over the place rambling about that stuff.
Howard asked Beet about why he hates black people because it looks like he's a black man. Beet said he is but he didn't say he hates black people. Beet said that he never said that black people are gorillas. He said that they ain't gorillas.
Howard said he had President Obama on the phone. He picked up and had a guy playing the part. Beet said he likes him. Then Beet started calling him a piece of shit after he insulted him. Howard said he thinks that this guy is disguising his voice. Beet was calling him names and saying that he was a piece of shit and he'd beat the shit out of him. Beet said he knows that he'll knock him out too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's going to prove that Beet isn't Puerto Rican and asked him to speak Spanish. Beet went off on him telling him to go fuck himself and things like that. Beet did try speaking in Spanish but it was just gibberish. He did the same in Chinese and Swedish when Howard asked him to.
Howard gave Beet some more plugs for his upcoming appearances. Howard said that he's also on Twitter now. He said you can follow him at Twitter.com/BeetlePimp.
Beet said he has Twitter and he has a phone that he uses to call his wife every day. Howard let some more callers ask Beet some questions. Beet said he has a lot of sex and he's just going to do it if he wants to do it. One caller said that Beet was a prick to him. He said Wee Man was a gentleman but Beet isn't that nice. He said he tried to get him to shake his hand but he had to go and wash it with battery acid. Beet said that's because he's a piece of garbage.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Robin. They had her asking Beet he wanted her to suck his cock and things like that. Howard said they had a live wire there.
Howard had the guys bring in Beet's buddy Dominic the Dwarf who says that Beet still shits in his pants and he smooshes it into his underwear. Howard asked about the thong getting shit on it. Dominic said that he brings extra drawers for his friend when they go out on the road. Dominic said that no matter what Beet does he's still his friend.
Howard took a call from Artie Lange (audio clips) who was telling Beet he was a jerk off and a loser. Howard said that ain't right. Beet went off on Artie even though it wasn't really him. Beet told him that he's an asshole. Howard took another call from High Pitch Eric who was doing his Ted Williams impression. Howard didn't last long with him though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beet was on fire this morning. The caller said that Beet signed something for him up in Vermont that looked like F-you. He said Beet looked high that night. Beet said he does get high sometimes.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Crazy Alice audio clips. They had her yelling at Beet and calling him names. Beet seemed to think it was a dude. He was saying that his wife fucked him last week.
Howard gave Beet some more plugs for his upcoming appearances at the Social House of Saulard in St. Louis on February 26th and in Cleveland, Ohio on March 4 at the Now That's Class club. Howard said that he heard Dominic is the one who shits his pants and then he puts his pants on Beetlejuice. That's what beet claims. Beet said he doesn't shit his own pants. Dominic said his shit is like putty and when it's in there it's in there good. Dominic said Beet shits while he's fucking too. Howard said that must feel great.
Howard played one of Beet's songs that they put together with Richard Christy and Leslie West. Howard said Beet nailed it in that song. He said this is his best song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Beet how many times he's died. Beet said he died like 10 years ago. Howard asked if he believes in heaven. Beet said ''maybe.'' He said if he died he would be Baby Jesus. Howard said he wishes him luck with his appearances and gave him another pug for his Twitter. Beet was still rambling but Howard had to go to break. He was about to go but Beet was saying that he has new music coming out in April. Fred played a song that wasn't his but Beet said that's what he has coming out. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he would have come back sooner if he knew Fred was playing that song. Howard said he has so many things going on he didn't know where to start.
Howard said he ordered a turkey burger with tomatoes, avocado and mushrooms. He said it was good. He said it had no bread. Howard said they gave him two burger's and he only wanted one. Howard told Will to just get one. They got it from a place called The Counter which is a new place there. Howard said he didn't want that much meat. He doesn't know the poundage so he checked off more than he wanted. He picked 2/3 of a pound. He's going to stick to 1/3 from now on. Will said they go up to a full pound. Howard said that's a lot of turkey.
Howard asked Gary about what he's eating. Gary said he likes smoked salmon. He eats that out of a package. Howard asked why he doesn't get fresh salmon. Gary had some smoked salmon in his office. He's also drinking a smoothie kind of drink called Naked. Robin said they're Pasteurized and it kills everything that's good. Howard said she should let Gary eat what he wants. Robin said they should be eating more vegetables. Howard said he had some right there. He said she's like the vegetable police. He said she sounds like his mom.
Howard said they were talking about the Spider-Man show and the review that the NY Times gave it. Howard said that they said it might be the worst musical of all time. Howard said that Bono and The Edge aren't going to give away any of their good stuff to a play. Robin said that the music really wasn't very good. She said that it sounded like they didn't put much effort into it at all.
Howard read the review and they say that the play may be beyond repair. Robin said that they had a great idea but it was poor execution. Howard said he would never go see Spider-Man prancing around singing songs. Robin said that the second act is a complete letdown and it may never open.
Howard said that Glee followed the Super Bowl and they lost a lot of ratings. Robin said the show got the biggest ratings ever though. Howard said they had 111 million viewers and Glee lost 34 million of them.
Howard said he got on the scale to see what he lost after running 3 miles yesterday and he actually gained weight. Howard said he hates the treadmill so he had to run outside. Robin said she can't go out. She's sticking to the treadmill. Robin said she's done it and she thinks it's horrible to run out in that weather.
Howard said that Beetlejuice is out there tweeting. Everything he's tweeting is just nonsense. They were letting Beet type and it was just numbers and letters mixed together. Howard said that he might have to follow Beet.
Howard payed some of the clips of the Tourette's preacher. He was talking about some stuff in his sermon and he'd just start hooting and hollering during it. Howard said it must be tough to follow that guy. The preacher was even laughing after he'd make these noises. That might have been part of the Tourette's. Howard said some of the stuff he was talking about sounded pretty interesting. Howard played a few of those clips. Howard said the guy was even laughing at himself.
Howard said Jillian Barberie is so in love with him. He said he has more evidence of that. She wrote some kind of rap song and she mentions him in the song. Howard said he has to give it to her that she raps about what's going on in her life. Howard played the song and he said that his name comes up pretty quick. Howard said that's what she's up to.
Howard said that he won't be doing any rap songs. He said this is one white boy who knows not to. Howard said he might have a right to do that since he grew up in a black community.
Howard said that his Twittering has excited the people at FOX 5. Howard played a clip of the local morning show there on FOX was talking about Steven Tyler being on Twitter and then they mentioned Howard. Rosanna Scotto brought it up and said that if Howard just joined then everyone should join. The guy on the show thought Howard had someone doing it for him. Howard said he's tweeting on his own. He said that the shit he's tweeting doesn't need to be made up by anyone.
Howard played a few songs for Jon since he didn't really have an intro song for him. They tried a bunch of song parodies they had for him.
Howard said that he has to lay off of porn for a while but he feels himself slipping already. He said he's not going to stop masturbating but he has to cut back on the porn. He said he might masturbate to bra ads instead. He said there's nothing wrong with that. He said it was one step above girdle ads but he's done that too.
Howard said that Little Mikey wrote a new song for Robin. He played that for her before moving on.
Howard mentioned that Gilbert Gottfried is quite the twitterer. He said that you can tell he's actually doing it too.
Howard played Sal and Richard's latest Jack and Rod Show bit where they did a bit with him and then saved it for 3 months and had him back on the show where they used clips of the guy who ended up arguing with himself. They used clips of the guy to argue with the guy. Howard said he had to play it again. The author's name was Joseph A. Williams.
Howard said they call that the ''confusion series.'' Howard and Robin were surprised that the guy never knew that he was talking to clips of himself.
Robin said Howard's tweets have been making the news. They quoted one of his tweets in an article. It was about how Howard was thinking of divorcing Facebook.
Robin read about Kelsey Grammer's divorce and how he's trying to rush it through so he can marry this woman he's seeing now. Howard said he's a marrying fool. Howard said he should take his time and get to know this woman before marrying her.
Robin read about the Church of Scientology being charged with human trafficking and things like that. Robin said that's pretty harsh but there's a 27 page article about it and they claim that former Some Scientologists say that they're forced to stay in re-education camps if they try to leave. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Ted Williams the Golden Voiced guy. She said that he is auctioning off some of his stuff. He auctioned off his tent and he's auctioning off the cardboard sign he was holding in the video that made him an internet sensation.
Howard said he had to give a shout out to Carol Leifer who said some nice things about his Letterman appearance. He said that he also appreciates what Don Rickles said about it if he actually said what Stamos says he said. Howard said he's thinking that Stamos might be lying about it but he's really not sure. He said that John is very withholding about the comments so he's not sure what's going on there. He said he'll get to the bottom of it eventually. Robin said he should talk to Rickles himself and not go through John.
Robin read a story about Charles Manson and some new guy he has representing him. Robin said that the guy is saying that they violated his 6th amendment rights. Howard said he's thinking he should get rid of that Swastika on his forehead. He said that might help with the judge taking him seriously.
Howard said he was writing about his mother the other day and he forgot how she spells it. She spells it Ray. He said he's not exactly sure but he usually just writes ''mom'' and not ''Ray.'' Robin thought it was Rae. Howard said he's pretty sure it's Ray. Howard said people are idiots because they used to call and ask to speak to the man of the house, Ray.
Robin said that people are upset with Christina Aguilera screwing up the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. Howard said that no one can sing that song. He said Jimmy Kimmel did a bit out on the street asking people to sing it. He said no one was able to do it. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Christina because she used to sing that song as a child all the time. He said that he'd take her singing live and screwing it up over Whitney Houston lip syncing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice sure was fired up today. Howard said he really was. The caller said that there's a game out there called sloppy biscuit and what Sal and Richard would do is masturbate and the last one to finish has to eat it. Howard said ''Eww... why would we play that?''
Howard said he was reading about this woman who did a film with Elvis and got her first kiss from him. Then she went off and became a nun. Howard said that she was so cute as a young girl. Robin said she remembers all of that. Howard said that this guy was in love with her and he stays in touch with her. Howard said she's full blown nun now though.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan and how she's being accused of stealing some jewelry but she's claiming that she was given the jewelry to borrow and she returned it. Howard said that it sounds like she's going to get off on those charges.
Howard said he heard that Van Halen is back in the studio recording with David Lee Roth. He said that's good for David. Robin said she heard that Steven Tyler was back in the studio with Aerosmith too. Howard said he tried to get Joe Perry on the show but that didn't happen for some reason. Robin read some more news and Howard went to break after that.
After the short break Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about Governor Rendell in Pennsylvania announcing his divorce. He was allegedly in a relationship with a Miss Pennsylvania. Robin said that he denied being in a relationship with that woman.
Howard said he likes Betty White but he's getting kind of tired of the old lady who will blurt out anything. He said the show ''Raising Hope'' put out a viral video where they tried to get a nomination for a Golden Globe nomination and they had Cloris Leachman playing that old lady who will blurt out anything. He played some of the audio of that video and said that he's really tired of that kind of stuff. He said that's the thing they do with older actors now. If you stick around long enough that's the role you'll get.
Robin read some news about Keith Olberman moving over to Current TV. Robin also had a story about a man who called 9-1-1 to ask about the penalties for growing marijuana. Robin had the audio of the 9-1-1 call and the guy asked how much trouble he can get into for having one plant. Robin said the cops went right to his house and found a small amount of marijuana. Howard said the guy is a dummy.
Robin read about the 400 people who were kept out of the Super Bowl thanks to their seats not being ready. They're going to be reimbursed triple the amount of their tickets and they will get tickets to next year's Super Bowl.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Christina Aguilera thing asked why he's kissing up to her. Howard said that there's something up with her because she's not looking right and she's unable to sing a song she sang as a kid. He said that he does admire her for singing live though. He said he has more respect for that than everyone who pre-records it. Howard said he's not kissing up to her or anything. He said he's not even sure why they sing that song before every game. He said it doesn't make any sense.
Robin read some news about the Green Bay Packers and the big parade they're going to have in their stadium today. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to say that some of the fans are stupid. He said he's been listening to Howard for 14 years and the fans saying that Beth is changing him is wrong. He said he sees that Howard is happier and the show has been better. Howard said he addressed that earlier in the morning.
The caller also said that Howard handled Piers Morgan very well and he didn't fight back with him. Howard said Piers' fight isn't all that interesting so it was more interesting to talk to him about his brother in Afghanistan and things like that.
Howard said the whole thing didn't make sense to him. He said he likes a good fight but he doesn't hate the guy and he thinks he's charming. He has no beef with the guy. He said that there are people who have begged for a second chance with him and he thinks they can just go fuck themselves. Howard said that's all he'll say about that right now.
Howard said Piers Morgan was on CNN talking about his appearance on the show. Howard said that he finds it very odd that Piers' wife lives in England and Piers is here. Howard played the clip and Piers was still talking about the King of All Media thing and how he's going to take over that title. Piers went on to say that Howard calling him arrogant is ludicrous. He said that's like being called a ditzy blonde by Paris Hilton. Piers was saying that he thinks that he's just like a buzzard buzzing around Howard Stern's ass. Howard said he's going to bow out of this whole thing because it's as bad as it gets.
Robin read a story about marijuana smoking and how it can promote schizophrenia. Howard said he thinks that they're right. He said that it can kick in for many reasons but pot seems to help. Howard said he can't smoke the stuff himself. Robin said the study says that it can cause psychosis even in people who are not predisposed to it. Howard said he believes it. Howard went to another commercial break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read about a study that was done about junk food and the ability to study. Howard noticed that Robin slips in those nutrition stories every day.
Beetlejuice called in so Howard took that call and let Beet thank him for having him in there. Howard spent a minute talking to him and then got back to Robin's news.
Robin said that they're saying that Mark Sanchez from the NY Jets allegedly had an affair with a 17 year old and they may break the news on a web site. Howard said he can't imagine a guy like that getting so much pussy and having to go to a 17 year old. Howard said Dee Snider met his wife when she was 15 and he was 20 though and that worked out. Howard said if you meet a chick in a night club you think that everyone is going to be 21. He said that it's confusing. Robin read some other details about the story and Howard said that in New Jersey it is legal to be with a 16 year old.
Robin read some details about some new movies that are coming out. She had some audio of Adam Sandler talking about his new movie. Howard said he'll go see that one. Robin had some audio of Brooklyn Decker talking about what a great guy Adam Sandler is as a family man. Howard said he bets that she could stop Adam from being a family guy. He said she's really hot. The guys told Howard he could follow her on Twitter. Howard said you never know if they're really the people twittering though. He said he follows Alyssa Milano for some reason and he's not sure if it's really her. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:00am.
Gary said they had an intern who was part of this straight edge program where you don't have sex but the kid would do it once in a while. Steve Brandano said he was also a vegan but he would eat Crumbs cupcakes every week.
Benjy also admitted he eats fish all the time. He said he's very close to being vegan. Gary said he's not even vegetarian. Gary said he's a vegan wannabe. That led to them talking about how he's on Twitter now. Benjy said he was kind of bummed that Howard wasn't following him. Gary said he went to find him and he saw that Steve Brandano was following him so he followed that way.
Jon mentioned that Robin was supposed to meet with the Mayor of Newark. Gary quickly went to that when she was goofing on him. Gary said that he's meeting with a public official tonight and Robin was supposed to be meeting with one too so he's not sure why she was goofing on him.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Beetlejuice who was speaking Spanish and claims that he's Puerto Rican. He was clearly in a good mood today. Gary said they never know who they're going to get. He said that it made a big difference.
Benjy said Beet looked healthier today. Gary said he was wearing an NFL jersey that was made for a 280 pound man so he's not sure how he could tell. Gary said he thinks that he got fat and he's not gotten any thinner.
Sal came in and said that Beet has gotten heavier and he had to pick him up in the movie they shot. He said that he is fat.
Jon asked about the part where they talked about what Sal did to Beetlejuice with his dick in the chicken box. Jon asked Sal what he thinks he did wrong by doing that. Sal said he knows that he did wrong. He knows that Gary thinks he doesn't know it was wrong. Sal said he wasn't really tugging on his cock but he did touch it and flip out. He said Beet punched him in the face for doing it. He said he cleared it with Bobby and the guys first.
Gary said he likes how Sal knows that he shouldn't put his dick in a chicken bucket in front of a retarded person but he doesn't know that he shouldn't take his dick out in front of people in general. Sal said he does that a lot and he was taking his dick out and putting it in front of people while they were bending over at a party he was at.
Gary said Sal once put his balls on Ron Jeremy's head in a picture once. Sal said that Ron wanted to punch him out that day. He thought he would be pleased by it. Sal said that someone put their balls on his head once and it felt like scrambled eggs. Sal said that Ron has done things that are totally out there and he figured that he'd be able to take the joke. He said he became good friends with him in the long run though.
Jason asked Sal if he gets what he did wrong with Ron now. Sal said he guesses he does. Gary said he really doesn't. Sal said that he once chased a girl around with his dick out when he saw Ron doing it. He said the girl looked at him like she had no idea who he was and why he was doing that. Gary said of course she did. She didn't know who Sal was but she knew who Ron was.
Jon played some audio from the show where Sal came in and offered a gift to Beetlejuice. After playing the clip the guys talked about how scared Sal got. Beet was going to go after him if he had stayed in there. Sal was backing up and Beet had his arms wide and he was ready to take him down. Sal said he was very intimidating to him. Gary said he did an appearance once where Beet showed up and he got into an altercation with a bouncer type guy. He said that Beet was going to kill the guy and the guy just couldn't fight him. He said that he thought the guy wanted to beat the shit out of Beetle though. Sal said Beet did beat him up in the hallway after the interview. He said that dude hits hard too. They went to break a short time later.
Jon tried to take a call but they were having phone issues today so no one was there. Gary pretended to be a caller and called Sal a creep.
Jon asked Sal about putting his penis in people's faces at that party. He asked if it was fun for everyone. Sal said that it was fun and everyone was laughing. Jon asked him about getting drunk the past couple of weeks. Sal said he doesn't do it that often. He said that something clicks in his head and he starts expressing his thoughts on Twitter. Sal said his Twitter is like his therapist because he complains about not having sex with his wife and things like that. Sal said that 90 percent of his life he's not upset about that. It only comes out when he's drunk. Jon asked if he could ever have a conversation with her about it. Sal said he has no problem with her right now. He said they get along very well. He said they don't talk much and they just do their thing. He said they've been getting along lately though.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Sal is letting his true feelings out when he does that. Gary said that he thinks he might be showing off a little bit. Sal said that he enjoys doing it once in a while. He said that he might be more prone to tweet when he's drunk over when he's sober.
Jon asked if the guys are all in on the Twitter thing now. Benjy is on now and he said he wanted in now so he doesn't miss out on it. He said he procrastinated and that's what happened. Benjy said that he just started on Sunday but it's hard not to look at who is following you. Gary said he thinks that JD cares the most and he wants to be verified and wants the most followers. Jon and Gary talked about how Howard is getting into it and how he used to think it was a waste of time.
Jon brought up the letter Howard got from President Clinton and how cool he thought that was. Benjy said he thought it was kind of strange that it came from them seeing Howard on Piers Morgan. He said maybe that show is reaching out to a new audience. Gary said they were looking at the letter and trying to figure out if the signature was real or printed. Gary said that he showed it to Howard off the air but he thought about showing it to him no the air. He was in a bad mood though so he just did it off the air. They went to another break after that.
Jon tried to take another call but no one was there. Gary said that the caller he was trying to take was from someone wondering what their Twitter names were. Howard's in particular. Gary said that it's just @HowardStern. Sal suggested checking the other Stern staff Twitter's and you'll find Howard's on there. Sal said his is @salgovernale. Then there's @SiriusSteveiB, @JonMHein, @RobertABooey, @SiriusJay, @CWOTD, @Rqui and others. Sal said he's amazed that Lisa G isn't on. Will isn't on either.
Jon said that Robin got upset when Howard said that Newark was the car jacking capital of the world. Sal said that's not surprising to him and asked if they had driven through there lately. Sal said that's all he was going to say about that. Jon said that's probably best and it seems that Sal has learned when to shut his mouth.
Sal said he has thrown in the towel when it comes to stuff like that. He said he has to respect what Howard says so he sees why he thinks that he was wrong for doing what he did to Beetlejuice. He said that it's not that much meaner than what Howard does to Gary the Retard by sending him to the moon when he comes in there though.
Sal asked Sal about Beetlejuice and hanging out with him on the road. Sal said it's always something new with him. He said it's always fun hanging out with him. He said that he once had to share a hotel room with him and he will buy anything. He said that he bought a whole bag of Bic razors once and he was covered in shaving cream. He said that Beet actually used one and when he saw it later on he noticed the plastic cover was still on it. Sal said it's little things like that which makes it fun.
Shuli told some stories about how Beet doesn't back down when he gets angry. Sal said he threw a glass across the wall once and he will not back down. Shuli said he walked into a room with ice in a bag with fish from a market in the bag. Shuli said he was gone for like 3 hours and he came back with the bag full of fish and ice. Sal said that no one can be like Beet. He's just so unique. Sal and Shuli talked about what a superstar he is when people see him out in public.
Jon asked JD about Howard talking about Chet Haze again today. JD spent a minute on that and then Jon asked Sal about his rapping days. Sal said he wrote a song about John Gotti when he was rapping. Jon asked Sal if he would be all for it if his son wanted to rap. Sal said he'd be fine with it as long as he's making a living. As long as they can pay the bills he's fine with what they do. He said he's fine with whatever his kids want to do.
JD said he likes that Sal dresses his kids up like KISS. Sal said his kids like KISS and they like dressing up like that. He said he started his one son on it when he was like 7. Jon asked whose idea it was to dress up like KISS. Sal said that his kids know the band so they choose who they want to be and things like that. He bonds with them when he does that kind of stuff. Jon asked if they're still big KISS fans. Sal said they're not big fans anymore. Jon asked if that bothers him. Sal said it really doesn't. He said they like the top 5 songs kind of music. He said that they listen to terrestrial radio or the clean version of the songs on Sirius.
Shuli said that Sal is a good father and when he's not sticking his dick in a bucket of chicken, he's giving his attention to his kids. Benjy asked Sal what he would do if his son did the popcorn trick at school. Sal said that it's not appropriate and he doesn't think that he'd be proud. He said that deep down he might be okay with it. He said it's not right to do it at school but maybe when he's older and with a woman it would be okay. Jon asked Sal if he feels bad scalding his kids when they curse and stuff. Sal said he does when they say something funny and curse. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how there are some really arrogant guys who don't have the talent to back it up. He said that they bomb out with the ratings and still boast about it. He said it annoys the hell out of him. He said he's not going to say who he's talking about but he'll talk to Tim about it. Howard said that Robin can be in on it too.
Howard said he had a big meeting there yesterday and he doesn't always get to Robin about what's going on there. He said that he just got into a loop where he had Tim coming to him about everything. He said he had to ask him to leave him alone. Howard wanted out of that loop even though he asked to be in it. He said it was like the Larry Sanders show where Larry asked to be in the loop and he was warned about it.
Howard said he had a new Sal and Richard clip where they took his audio and put it into a gay porn clip. Howard said people call him gay all the time because of some of the stuff he does. He said he was sitting in his apartment and he figured he'd twitter something last night. He sat down for 15 minutes and Twittered the 4 thoughts he had. He said he was told he was gay and he was Twittering too much. He said he was done for the day after that. Robin told him he can't react to that stuff.
Howard said Robin was Twittering about her new pan or something. Robin said that she had a new pan with a non-stick coating on it that she was talking about. She couldn't believe how excited she was. Howard said he was going to critique those comments.
Howard said he heard his Tweets were on Inside Edition. JD said he's pulling the clip right now but they quoted his A-Rod comments. Howard said it was funny yesterday because A-Rod is upset with FOX for putting him on. He went to the game thinking he wouldn't be put on TV. Howard said he's upset that they caught him being fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz. Howard said she must be insecure to still be doing that after all this time dating.
Howard said if you go to a public event like that you have to expect to be put on camera. Especially when Cameron Diaz is feeding you popcorn. Howard said he must know that.
Howard said that was him having gay sex. He said he thinks that's a legal thing where they have to hang up on you. He said they were keeping people on the line too long. Sal said the Fraud Department called Tim Sabean after the call to make sure he authorized the charge on his card. Howard said he wishes they could do that every day. Sal said that particular call was when Robin played Little Lupe. He said they're working on some stuff with her clips too. He said they have a few ideas for that. Howard said there are no limitations with Sal's ideas.
Howard said they were talking to Sal on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Sal told a story about hanging out with Ron Jeremy and chasing a chick around a bar with his pants off. Howard said Sal is nuts. He said he can't do that. Howard said Sal is going to end up in jail. Gary said he's either going to be in jail or dead.
Gary told Howard about how Ron's name came up and how Sal had put his balls on Ron's head in a picture once and Ron wanted to beat the shit out of him. Howard said Sal is almost ''dull'' with his 102 IQ so that might explain this stuff.
The guys talked about how Sal still doesn't know when he's doing wrong even when they tell him. Gary said Sal doesn't know he's wrong until you tell him he's wrong. Then he doesn't really know he's wrong. He just knows that you told him he was wrong. Sal wanted to put his cock on Gary's keyboard. Howard told Sal not to do it. Sal was about to do it and Gary warned him about reporting him to Human Resources.
Howard played some of the audio of Sal talking about chasing that woman around the bar with Ron Jeremy. Sal said he didn't know why this woman was looking at him like she didn't know why he was chasing her. Gary had to explain it to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he sent JD a clip about Kim Kardashian who got booed off the stage at a Prince concert. Howard said Prince seems to be an arrogant asshole lately. He said he's really fucked in the head. Howard said as a human being he's a scumbag.
Howard said Prince has people to private concerts and turns the lights out during the whole thing. Howard said the guy is weird.
The caller cut Howard off and asked Fred to play the Ed Torian ''Nigga Dance'' song. He said he and his wife really like that song. Howard wondered why he had to interrupt to mention that. Fred said he'd have to look it up but Sal found it for him and put it up. Fred played the song for the caller. In that song Ed is trying to sing along to ''Can a Nigga Get a Table Dance.'' Ed just keeps saying the N-word throughout the song. The caller said he and his wife love that song. Howard said he should make that his ringtone. He said he'd probably get his ass kicked if he did.
Howard got back to Prince and talked about what an asshole the guy is. Howard said he did some concerts at Madison Square Garden and Kim Kardashian was there. He said that Prince calls Kim up on stage and she didn't know what to do. She was supposed to dance like a stripper so she just stood there not knowing what to do. She didn't read Prince's mind so he humiliated her and told her to get off the stage. Robin said that she's not a fan of his so that's why he was upset with her. Howard said that he called her on stage to do something she didn't know to do. Howard said he wouldn't dance on stage if he was called up there. He said he's a fan of Prince's music too.
Robin said Kim shows up to concerts and leaves after 10 minutes. Howard said he's seen Prince do that too. Howard said the guy is a bullshit artist and he's done with him. He said he likes seeing Kim booed but it's ridiculous that Prince expected her to hop to. Robin said she's seen her leave after 10 minutes after she gets put on camera. Robin said she saw it happen at the U.S. Open. She said they left as soon as they were on camera and then off camera. They beelined it out of there never to be seen again.
Howard asked Robin if she tweets only about food and cooking. Robin said that's not all she does. Howard said he thinks that she's obsessed with the vegetable thing. Robin said she's not obsessed. She's just thinking it's very important.
Howard asked about the new pan she had. Robin said it has a ceramic coating on it and she was impressed by it so she tweeted about it. Howard said Robin was talking about cookware while he was worried about shitting in a public restroom.
Howard read about this girl and how she was bragging about it on her Facebook account. She was out with Sanchez on New Year's Eve and took pictures of his bed. Howard said that's what a 17 year old does. Howard said that her family is on Facebook and she's posting this stuff. Howard said that this girl, Elisa, was bragging about going out to dinner and back to his place and then saying that she ''hooked up'' with him.
Howard asked where the parents were. He said it's amazing that they're not there. Howard read about her father who is a rich financier. Howard said the guy is being humiliated by his daughter. Gary said he's been reading about this on Deadspin which is a gossip site. He said he looks at that, PerezHilton, Egotastic and things like that.
Gary told Howard that it was the 17 year old who broke the story to this web site. He said that they have pictures of Mark's apartment and she's now claiming that someone emailed the pictures form her account after breaking into her computer.
Howard said he was reading about the father of this girl and he's making a ton of money on the stock market. Howard said he can't make a cent on the stock market. He said that he tries to invest and it just doesn't work. He said it's been a bad year for the past 13 years or so for his stocks. Howard said no one knows what they're doing. Meanwhile the father of this girl gets $48 million in bonuses.
Robin asked Howard if he's ever been to his bank where he can go to a special place and sit down with someone from the bank. Howard said he did that a few years ago and he took his money out of there. He said he likes the bank he's with now. Robin said she went to her bank and there were Picasso's all over the place and it was so beautiful. She said she had to get out of there. Robin said they had this incredible art collection and it was like a palace. Robin said they all whispered too. Howard said he gets that with the financial people too. He did an impression of the people talking to him in whispers.
Howard said he hasn't made any money in years on the stock market. He said that these guys still tell him that he can live off the interest in the future. Howard said he'll be lucky if he still has a house. Howard joked that they tell him that capricorns don't do well in the market so that's why he's not making money.
Howard read some more about this guy and the deals he makes. Howard said the guy's wife should be watching the kid. Howard said some of these mothers are just out of it and not paying attention. Howard read more and found that they must be divorced. Howard said that the girl was saying that Sanchez kept contacting her even after they stopped seeing each other. She claimed that he would text her at 2am asking if she was out. She would tell him that she had school the next day so she couldn't go out.
Howard asked if anyone has hung out with 17 year olds. Howard said he can't imagine what she's talking to Sanchez about. Howard said she's still studying her multiplication tables. Howard said that he can't imagine what she talks to Mark about either. He said that he must be a big, dumb bore. Howard said he's gone out with some women who have dated sports guys and they say that they're big, dumb idiots.
Howard said that he was watching The Bachelor and the guy is in really good shape. Howard said he must be doing something wrong because he can't look like that guy. Howard said the guy is a moron though. He said he has to have JD pull some clips because the guy keeps saying the same, inane comments. Howard said that he's never seen girls want to get married so quickly. He said they're ready to marry the guy after 2 dates.
Howard did his impression of The Bachelor and goofed on him for a short time. He said the guy tells the girls that he's ready to marry them and they all love him. He said they're a bunch of vapid bitches. Howard said the tabloids have already ruined it and said who he's going to pick. Howard said he's picking the chubby chick and he'll end up dumping her. He said he really has to have JD pull some clips. He kept bringing up how the guy says ''please'' which sounds like ''pleace.''
Howard got back to the Mark Sanchez story and read some more details of that. Howard said he can't imagine what the conversation must have been like between them. Howard made up some stuff that they could have been talking about.
Howard read about how Sanchez didn't think he could date her until she was 18 but she told him that it's actually legal in New Jersey to date a 17 year old.
Howard played the audio of Chet Haze's music. Robin said they have teachers who teach kids how to dance for hip hop. They must learn the lingo from that.
Howard played more of Chet Haze's stuff and went through the lyrics trying to figure them all out. Howard said this kid is at North Western. He's not using a Glock or a ski pole on someone's peep hole. Howard said he's going to write a scene where Tom Hanks is dealing with his son and his rapping. Howard said he must ask who this kid thinks he is going to North Western and rapping.
Howard said he just bought some Dr. Dre headphones. He went to the Apple store to get them. Howard said he has an iPod and he doesn't like the iPod ear buds. They always fall out of his ears. He said he saw an intern walking around with them and he asked how he keeps them in. He said he can't even keep his in when he's sitting in the back of his car. Howard said Dr. Dre has some skinny headphones that you can fold up. He said that they stay on your ears too.
Howard got back to the Chet Haze song and played through a little bit of that. He told Fred that he has to stop it because he'd rather be controlling it. Howard said he will do it later.
Howard said he had a black guy come up to him and say ''Hey, hey.'' He corrected him and said it's actually ''Hey, hey, hey'' from ''What's Happening.'' He said he had to correct the guy but he knew from watching the show so much as a kid.
Howard said he thinks that it's all about his parents not knowing who he is and not paying any attention to him. Howard said that's it, there's nothing else to say.
Sal said that the people he was out with love the show and they're his good friends. Howard asked why he has to be the one who does that stuff. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard told Sal he should be a little bit content not to do anything like that at a party.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks is inside of him so everyone will know he's there. Sal said maybe he thinks that he's a jackass subconsciously. Howard said that Sal can't stand that people aren't paying attention to him. He said that's why he's always doing this stuff.
Howard said he remembers the party he threw for Artie and how Sal was outside rubbing his cock on a pumpkin at a vegetable stand. Howard said that was on camera at least. Sal said that things were going down with Ian and his wife at this party too. Ian was the guy on the phone. Sal said his wife was out getting kind of nutty in the driveway too.
Howard said that he was done with the conversation but Robin asked if Sal knows that taking his penis out at a vegetable stand is wrong. Sal said he's easily encouraged. He said Ralph suggested the pumpkin thing. He said another guy asked him to do the penis thing at the party. Howard asked why he does it. Sal said that he has to stand out a little bit. Howard asked why. Sal didn't know.
Howard told Sal to go back to work. He said he has to use his craziness to create stuff around there. He said he had a meeting with him about that yesterday. Sal said it really motivated everyone yesterday. He said he's looking forward to doing it. Howard told him to go back to work and behave himself. Robin said she wishes that everyone knew just how crazy Sal is.
Greg told Howard that he lives in a retirement home. He said that he knows Howard has a list that he sent to him. He was rambling and not making much sense this morning.
Howard said he was listening to the promo for the Riley Martin show and they just had him saying ''Uh, uh, oh, uh'' over and over. He said he can imagine a Greg Gordon show too.
Howard said he sounded almost rational the other day but today he sounds out of his mind. Howard said that this guy is suing all keyboard makers over the QWERTY keyboard. He said he kind of made sense talking about that and today he's not. It turns out he's off his meds today. Greg said that he wants to have a contest between him and Monica Lewinsky. Howard cut him off and said that this guy got into Ronald Reagan's house and eluded security somehow. Greg said they did find him quickly. He said a voice in his head told him to just try the front door and it was open. Howard said that must be the same voice that tells Sal to whip his dick out.
Howard asked Greg about seeing Nancy Reagan that night he broke into the house. He never did see Ronald. Howard said this guy is living in a retirement home and he can just imagine the other people living in there. Howard said this guy Greg is rambling and he was the guy who tried to kill Ronald Reagan. Howard said this guy has the best life. He gets money from the government and he bikes to the beach every day. Greg said he doesn't do it every day.
Howard asked Greg what his day is like today. Greg said that he's going to do whatever Howard is doing. He said he could talk to Howard for 4 hours if he wanted. Greg told Howard that his roommate told a woman there that he was upset that he fucked him. Howard said that's hard core gay to fuck a guy in the ass. Greg said that if you're straight and you're fucking him then you're straight. Howard said it's 74 degrees in Pompano Beach today. Howard said that's where they should be. Greg said that 74 is too cold to go to the beach.
Greg told Howard that he sent Gary a top 10 list for him to read. Howard asked how much money he needs to file this lawsuit of his. Greg said he needs like a million. Greg said the lawyers want 33 percent of his money and he doesn't want to give it up. Howard let Greg go and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about Dr. Roni and her partner who have filed a lawsuit against another web site that has copied everything that they're doing. Howard said that he'd like to sue all of the DJs that rip him off. Lisa said they're looking for a million dollars and an injunction to shut it down.
Lisa said she had someone on Facebook ''poke'' her and she thought it was Dr. Roni but it turned out it wasn't her. She said that the web site they linked to wasn't the right one. She said that they were selling the same products and using the same words on their site though.
Lisa said they're doing a new Celebrity Superfan Roundtable next Tuesday. Dan Patrick, Rob Thomas, Fred Armisen, Isaiah Mustafa and others will be special guests on the show. Robin said Isaiah was on the Wendy Williams show the other day. Howard said Beth was on her show too recently. Howard said he wanted Beth to wear her ring on that show to show it off. Howard said that Lisa started crying when she saw that ring the first time. Howard told Lisa she really has to get married. It's time. Robin said it really is a beautiful ring.
Howard mentioned that he had to plan something for Beth for Valentine's day. He said he did something so great for his wife. He had this thought for something she said to him but he's going to keep it quiet so he doesn't spoil it. Lisa gasped when she heard what Howard was doing. Howard said that he almost gave this to Beth a couple of weeks ago. He said he told her he got her something really nice and she said he didn't have to do that. Howard said he thinks that he's hitting a 10 in the romance department with this. He said Lisa is going to wet her pants over this. Howard asked Lisa what was going on with her. Lisa said that she knows Howard has beautiful taste. Howard said he thinks Beth is going to love this thing. He said he thinks he did a really great thing.
Howard said he's not going to make a big, splashy display over it or anything. He said it is something you wear. Howard said he doesn't want to give any other hints though. Howard said that he prepared in advance. He said he's making her a card today. Robin asked how he's doing that. Howard said he's going to make her a card. He said that Lisa is so worked up right now. Howard said he thinks that he's hitting a home run in the romance department.
Howard said he knows that women like it when you make a card. He said that the only thing he can draw well is Gary's face so he's going to be on the cover of it. Howard said Lisa loves this. He said all he said is that he did something great for Beth and she almost passed out. Howard said Lisa loves romance. Lisa asked ''who doesn't?'' Howard said maybe he'll get a chalk board like Glenn Beck and teach people about romance.
Lisa asked Howard if he ever gives Beth little notes. Howard said of course he does. He said he's not going to end up like Kelsey Grammer does. Howard said he's going to make this work and not be a two time loser.
Howard said Fred is getting his wife car tires. Fred said they're studded. Fred said he was going to get her chains because of the weather.
Howard said he put some thought into this gift. He said Lisa almost went out of her mind when she heard him saying that he ''arranged'' something for her. Howard said he likes to build anticipation too. He said Lisa must be having feelings and tingling inside. He said she looks woozy.
Lisa was trying to come up with what it could be. Howard told Lisa whatever she thinks it could be, it's better. Benjy figured that he had a dress designed for her. Howard said that he's not going to say but that wasn't it. Howard said he knows what presses Lisa's buttons. Lisa said it's diamonds. Howard said he saw what was going on in Lisa's mind when he said he was arranging something. Howard told her that he started arranging this since Christmas. Lisa said that's hot. Howard said her cheeks got flush. Lisa wondered what he'd need to order that far in advance.
Howard said he was reading about Natalie Portman saying that she used to be called Rabbit Teeth when she was a young girl. He said he told Gary he'd be lucky if that's all they called him. Howard let Lisa go after that.
The caller said Lisa sounds as shallow as a mud puddle. Howard said he understands what he's saying but he doesn't think that's really Lisa. Howard said this guy is a real man though. He asked where he was from. He was from Tennessee.
Howard said he loves guys like the caller. He said he had a new voice mail from Richard's father. Howard played the audio of Richard's dad talking about how he got a rabbit when the dog caught it. It was still warm so they had some fried rabbit. That's all he told Richard in the message.
Howard said he's so germ phobic and this guy is taking a dead rabbit from a dog's mouth and cooking it up. Howard did his impression of Richard's dad and said he really loves that guy. Richard came in and said that he was telling Sal a story about his dad. He said he's not a big fan of rabbit but they were talking about hunting rabbits last week. He said that you can just go catch them in the snow and you don't even have to shoot them. He said you just catch them and break their neck instead of shooting them. Richard said they had chickens when he was a kid and his dad would pull their heads off to kill them. He said it's the weirdest thing because they run around for a short time after their head is pulled off.
Howard said he read that chickens are the greatest with their kids. He said that he can barely stomach eating them now. Howard said that he doesn't mind eating fish though. Richard said he loves fish more than chicken. Howard said he does too.
Howard said Richard's dad made him eat their pet cow. Richard said he didn't make him eat it. That cow's name was ''Calfie.'' Howard said he really has the worst names for his pets. He had a frog named Froggy and they had Calfie and some others like Shithead.
Richard told Howard about his Beta fish Ernie who he's trained to bite him when he's ready to eat. He said the other night it looked like he had died but he was just sleeping. Howard was ready to bail on the conversation but Richard told him a story about his friend pulling a 6 foot long tape worm out of a rabbit's gut and then ate the rabbit. Howard thanked him for that story and then played Sal and Richard's new gay sex phone call and went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the song. Howard said he's got so many things to get to. He said he had a clip of a news anchor saying ''Hot cock'' instead of ''hot cup of cocoa.'' He played that quickly. Howard said there are some new Robin songs from Psych and Little Mikey. He played one of Mikey's songs which was about Robin's cans. That was to the tune of ''Bad, bad Leroy Brown'' which is Robin's new cat's name.
Howard said Psych had a new song about Robin too. He played that one which was to the tune of Beck's ''Two Turntables and a Microphone.'' It was ''Two big breasts and a tight asshole.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he forgot what he wanted to talk about. Howard hung up on him after thanking him for the call.
Howard said this Twitter thing is really exciting everyone. He said Ross sent him an article about how his account is growing the fastest out of any in the history of Twitter. Howard said he saw that Entertainment Weekly wrote an article about him Twittering too. He said he was shocked when he heard that he was being quoted on Inside Edition too. Robin said that it's big and she's been telling Howard he should be on there. Howard said he doesn't get why it's such a big deal. Howard said he just does it from his living room.
Howard said he's excite by this but it's not that big of a deal. Howard said he follows CNN on there and he had a meeting where he told the news department to start doing headlines like that. He said they'll do that on Twitter, Facebook and his web site as well as the Sirius XM web site. Howard said he likes following all of this technology and getting involved.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff in the works and he finds it interesting. Howard read an article about his tweets and they were quoting a lot of the goofy stuff he posts about the show. He said that they're not going to get it if they don't listen to the show.
Howard said people seem to be fascinated by this whole thing. He said it is fun and he has no problem with it. He said he still doesn't know how to post and paste and retweet but he's learning. Robin said she retweets but people don't seem to like that.
Howard said he tweeted like 4 times yesterday and people were complaining about how many times he was doing it. He read an email he got from someone who said that he should be doing it like once a day. Howard asked if it's really that annoying to get 4 tweets a day. Howard said that he just put down four of his thoughts at that moment and then he got criticized. Robin said that he's thinking too much about it and it should just happen naturally. Robin said that if you want to sit down and chat with people then it's a different thing. Howard said he's the least cool guy in the room because he didn't know that. Howard said he may have to get out of this if that's the etiquette. He said ''fuck everyone.''
Jason came in and told Howard that he has 200,000 followers and he shouldn't listen to them. He said that he gets responses from people telling him he's fat and stuff so he just blocks them. Jason said it's exciting when Howard tweets and he loves reading his stuff. Howard said he's going to redefine how to tweet. He said he writes his own too. He said maybe Benjy should write him some stuff. Benjy said he saw one post and it didn't make sense. Howard said that's because he was responding and he didn't do it right. He said it's getting to be too much like work. Robin said it's not that tough.
Howard said it's nice that you can hear from someone you're a fan of throughout the day. Robin said that Howard thought it was a waste of time until he started doing it. Howard said he hates Facebook now. Robin said she never got Facebook and she sees no reason to go there. Howard said he has a lot of ideas for Twitter and they're going to try some cool stuff out. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to Jim Breuer.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard had the guys bring in Jim Breuer. Howard asked what's happening with him. Howard said he looks good and didn't look high like usual. Jim said he cleaned up really quick drinking coffee.
Jim told a story about being in an elevator with Jack Nicholson once. He said that Nicholson came out around 2:15 in the morning and he was wearing sunglasses and a trench coat. He said he told people to just start snapping pictures if they wanted. Jim said he got into the elevator with Jack and a few other people. He said he wanted to say something to him but didn't know what to say. Howard said he wanted to do the same and just said hi to the guy. He said he thinks that Jack was wasted. Jim said Jack looked over at him and kept giggling. He said he blew his chance to say something to him but Jack got out of the elevator and said that he looks the way he feels all the time. Jim said he thought he was high. He said he may have been that day too.
Howard asked Jim about how he does impressions and how he becomes that person. Jim said he can only do it for people he's blown away by. Howard asked if he did impressions on his audition for Saturday Night Live. Jim said he just did his Pesci impression. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He does that Pesci so good and he didn't use it right away on SNL. Jim said he was doing impressions like Alanis Morissette and weird things like that. He said he can't do it now but he was really in the zone back then. He tried doing that impression but he didn't think it was all that good anymore.
Howard asked Jim how he started doing his impressions. Jim said he started doing Pesci when he was home. He said he grew up watching that stuff on TV and he would do it for his buddies. He did some of that impression for Howard and did some of his other stuff like his De Niro. Howard asked if it's like he's doing a song when he does Pesci. Jim said it's too bad Joe doesn't do movies anymore. Howard said he was watching Casino the other day and he had to choose between that and Deuce Bigelow. He said Rob Schneider is great. Jim did some of his impression of Pesci in that movie. They talked about that movie for a short time.
Howard asked Jim if he writes down the impressions he does and if he keeps track of them that way. Jim said he doesn't. He said he doesn't keep track like that. Jim said he just recently was up in Boston promoting shows and remembered he does Stallone. He said he's going to be in a movie with Stallone in the summer and it's like the movie Babe with animals. He said he's playing a crow. Howard said he almost played a hamster in Dr. Doolittle. He said Betty Thomas directed that movie and she directed his movie too. Howard said he turned down the hamster thing. He said he didn't like his part. Jim told him he should have done it.
Howard asked about this movie and Jim went into his Stallone impression. Howard asked if it shocks him when he can do voices like that. Jim said it does when it sounds dead on. He said he can only do a couple that are dead on. Howard said he does Ozzy perfectly. Jim did some of that impression and asked Howard about the Super Bowl commercial he was in with Justin Bieber. Howard asked if he was bummed by that commercial. Jim said he wasn't at all. He said Ozzy is a rock star and he can do anything he wants. Howard asked if he was bummed about Steven Tyler going to American Idol. Jim said that didn't bother him either. Howard said he doesn't either. He kind of likes it now.
Howard said he thinks that Jim is a great impressionist. He can do Tracy Morgan too. Jim did some of that impression. Howard said he sat next to Tracy at the Knicks game and he ended up holding hands with him and it made it into the papers. Howard said Tracy was talking to him about his kidney transplant and he got the serious Tracy there for a moment. Jim said he knows that Tracy and he used to preach to him all the time. He did some of that Tracy for Howard. Howard said he really is an impressionist. Jim said he thinks that Darrell Hammond is an impressionist. He said he had to play Matt Damon once but he had no idea what to do. Howard said when he mentioned his name he started to look like Matt Damon.
Howard asked if he's ever been asked to go back and host SNL. Jim said he has to be a star to do that. He said he'd need a movie or a million Facebook fans or something like that.
Howard said he had to get to this story about his dad. He said that Jim is one of the most wonderful human beings. He said that Jim takes his dad out on the road and has to wipe his ass at times. Howard said he heard that he wants to get him laid now and he might take him to a prostitute. Jim told Howard to hold on for a minute. He said that his dad is still married to his mom but she's blind in one eye and she's a mess. He said she looks like an iguana. He said his dad doesn't complain about her at all. Jim said he asks his dad what he wants and his dad says he wants to get laid. He said he's not sure how truthful he is about that. He said his dad sounds kind of creepy when he says that. He said he's not sure how far his dad would go with that. Jim said he's asked his dad if he can still get it up and his dad says he still has a tongue. He said it's so gross. Howard said it sounds like he wants to eat out a girl. Jim asked if he would really do that to his mom and his dad said she doesn't need to know.
Jim said his dad is 88 years old. He said that Richard Pryor had a bit about his dad dying while he was having sex and he said that his dad ''came and went at the same time.'' He found that really funny.
Howard said he has Tabitha Stevens on the phone. He said that she's been on the show and fucked people who have been on the show. Howard said she's done things for the show that he wouldn't believe. Howard asked Tabitha if she would fuck this guy. Tabitha said she absolutely would. Howard told Jim he could get his dad laid. Jim said he's sure he can. Jim thanked Tabitha for making that offer. Tabitha said she can go there and block it out of her head. Jim wondered what has happened to her. Howard said Tabitha tried to fuck Jeff the drunk. She did a kid in a wheelchair and the guy who ate the dog shit. Howard said that she's done a few guys for the show. Howard said she's out to promote her web site and she has this amazing body. Howard said this would be some prize for his dad. Jim laughed.
Jim said he plays a club in New Jersey (Stress Factory) a lot and he brings his dad to the club. He said the club is in New Brunswick and the people there know his dad. He said that one woman went over to him and sat on his lap. He said he had to yell at her to get off his lap.
Jim said he'd have to get his mother something out of this. Howard said they can all her and ask what she wants. Jim said he once called his mother as an elderly man from the neighborhood and tried to fool her. He said he seduced her and told her that they weren't getting any younger and he wanted to have a cocktail with her. He said that she was silent for a while but then she said that she was married. Jim said he told her to bring her husband and get him into the mix. He recorded the call so Howard told him to go home and get the tape now so he can hear it. Jim said he spoke to his mom for like 25 minutes. Howard said that sounds brilliant. Jim said that this stuff usually falls to the wayside on his show since it's on another channel. He said that he came close to getting her too. Jim said he does the show in the basement of his house and she was there that day. He said she was looking out the window for where the guy lives. Jim said he got his father on the phone and he just tells him to get the fuck out of there.
Howard said he doesn't think that Jim is going to be able to do this thing with his father. He asked Tabitha what she wanted to plug. She got in a plug for her twitter account which is @TabStevens. Howard also gave Jim some plugs for some upcoming gigs he has and said you can find out more at JimBreuer.com
Howard said he knows about his wife finding Jesus and all of that but he just read that she's home schooling the kids too. Jim said that's actually his deal. Howard said that's not a good idea. Howard said he heard that Jim's wife is the worst teacher in the world and she just shoves a book in front of the kid and tells them to read it.
Jim said that in his podcast he was joking around about that. Howard said you need a break from your parents and school is a good break. Jim agreed. Jim went on to say that he takes his family out on the road with him now and it's phenomenal. He said that he hated school as a kid and most kids do. Robin loved school. Jim said his middle kid loves it. He said the oldest one isn't very school worthy. He said she's just not school material. Howard said that most people think their kids are brilliant but not Jim. Jim said that his kid can't concentrate. He said she's like a puppy.
Jim said that his plan was to do most of the home schooling. That's not what happened but that was the plan. Howard said that he can imagine him doing it as Joe Pesci. Jim said he loves doing it. He said that he was teaching the kids about Ben Franklin and he learned stuff himself. Howard said he seems like a great person. He took in that relative of his. Jim said after that he had to take in the neighbors for 2 and a half months. He said Howard has no idea.
Howard asked about this home schooling thing again and Jim said it was his idea and his wife wanted to kill him over it. Jim said he had to do some research but it's very easy to take your kid out of school and home school them. He said he and his wife did the research and they figured out how to teach a kid at a 6th grade level. He said he thinks that they're doing it right. He said that you tech them over the internet. He said all you need to know is on the internet.
Robin asked Jim what he's going to do when he gets to Algebra and Geometry. Jim asked her ''Who gives a shit?'' He said if you're not going to go into that field you don't need to learn it. Howard said it sounds like he's more into history and English and stuff like that. Jim said that it's the simple stuff they're teaching. He said he's teaching the basics. He said his daughter wants to sing but she's really quiet. He said she has that deep look in her eye like she's watching everything. He said that scares the shit out of him. She's only 11 but she has friends and he's worried about what's going to happen when she turns 18.
Jim said in school you go to a piano teacher to learn to sing. He said if his kid wants to sing American Idol stuff she's not going to get that in school. He said that he told his kid that if she wants to sing then she can do it wherever she wants. He said they encourage her to do what she wants and they'll do it as a music class in any way she wants to.
Howard asked Jim if he gets into personal stuff. Jim said his kid talks to him about how she wants a boyfriend and a phone and to wear make up. He said that she had one sleep over and that's where all of that came from. Jim said he told her that the make up thing isn't for her. He said that men don't like make up. He said they don't like a lot of make up. Jim said he told her that in a few years she's going to have guys falling all over her. He said she has great eyes. Jim said he told her that her friend has to wear make up because of her looks. Jim said he's exaggerating about all of this but that's the general direction he was going in.
Jim said that his daughter has to be in ''class'' at 9am but she's really tired and she eats really slow and things like that. Jim said they have a room at the house that's for school. Howard said he has to come over to his house and see this. Jim said that they do have blackboards and stuff in the room. Howard said he can't believe what's going on over there. Jim said that she's had enough and she does want out. He said he may put her back in public school. He said he's leaning in that direction.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves Jim and he has more energy than 5 guys put together. He said he's really funny too. Another caller said that Jim should be in the Artie chair. Jim said he doesn't want that. Howard said Jim has other plans and he's trying to do his 5 year plan that he told them about 5 years ago.
Another caller asked Jim if he's ever had a conflict with anyone he has imitated. Jim said that no one has been offended but Brian Johnson was thrown off a bit. He said that Pesci was the only one who kind of got upset. He said that Brian Johnson told him he was going to come and get him but he sounded like he was joking. Howard said he has a hard time understanding what Brian says. Jim said he saw him down in Florida once and Brian said something about Paul McCartney and how he had to see him. He said Brian told him about the Blackbird song and what that's all about. He said that he finally understood what he said.
Jim said he saw Howard at the McCartney concert and he wanted to say hi to him but he didn't want to bother him. He said he sat by Ron Wood and Keith Richards. He said there were a bunch of celebrities by him.
Howard said it was great having Jim there today. He took a call from Speech Impediment Man. Jim said he's actually met him. Speech asked him who his comedy idols were. Jim said Steve Martin was one. He said he was really silly and he could relate to that as a kid. He said he knows almost the whole ''Lets get Small'' album. Jim recited some of that album. Jim said he loved Steve's book too. He said he gave up on stand-up because he saw some empty seats in the back of the theater one night and quit that night.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Jim what his thoughts are on the president. Jim said to him it's no different than pro wrestling. He said that the whole idea of politics is ridiculous. He said he does feel safer that Obama is there though. Jim said that no one works together so he's not sure that we're really that fucking free in this country.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should get Eli Roth into Jim's house to write a movie because it sounds like a house of horrors.
Jim said that everywhere he goes in L.A. they tell him they hear him on Howard's show. He said it all comes down to Howard. Jim said that it's all he hears out there. Howard said that anyone who hears him there would have to hire him to do cartoons and things. Jim said it's Hoard's show that gets him that notice. He said that they lay it all out there for him. Howard said Jim is a tremendous guest. He had to wrap up with him. Jim said he got into a texting argument with his wife. He said he has to teach him about that.
Jim said he doesn't like divorce so he fights and claws to work things out. He said it doesn't always work though. He said when you get married it's not that easy. He said he makes great money and all and he has a great career but he has no desire to cheat or anything like that. Back in the day he may have had some thoughts though.
Jim said he had the texts that he and his wife had together. Jim said he was doing a gig with a couple thousand people in the audience. He said the guy before him was slaying too. Jim said he always texts his wife to let her know what he's doing. He said he was going to have his wife and kids at the casino he was working at. He wrote to her ''I love you and my family. Talk to you later. God has blessed us tremendously.'' Then she wrote back and said ''Praise god... I love you more than you think. See you tomorrow.''
Jim said he was about to go out on stage and hears his phone go off again. He said she wrote back and asked him to stop taking her toothbrush. She was hurt and mad that he takes her so insensitively. She told him that stop means stop. He said she asked him not to call her that night and to start thinking about him. She told him to stop and think before he acts. Jim said he took her toothbrush by accident. He said it was just an accident because they're next to each other.
Jim said he was introduced as he was finishing up that text. Jim said he was pissed and he had to go through the emotions. Jim said this gig was going to redo their kitchen. He said he told her to just get another toothbrush. Jim said he didn't write her that but that's what he was thinking he would have done years ago.
Jim said that his wife texted him the next morning and said they weren't coming. Jim said he took her toothbrush and she took his kids. Jim said that's not the way Jesus would act. Jim told her to ''have a great day.'' She wrote back ''You too.'' Howard said Jim must be much worse at home than he thinks. Jim said he ended up writing back and telling her that she was a nut. He said years ago he would have driven home and went off on her. Jim said he looked back and found out where this all started. He said she was asking him to stop and think for a second and that's what women do. He said all they really want you to do is pay some attention to you.
Jim said that he sat down and thought about it like Yoda. He wrote her back ''I'm sorry I hurt you, i was rushing. I didn't think. I just grabbed the one closest to me without thinking of you or anything. For that I apologize...'' He said that she didn't think he was being serious so he wrote her back and told her that he hoped he wasn't making her feel badly lately and he's going to have to step it up for her. She wrote him back telling him that he was the best husband and he just had to stop taking her toothbrush. Jim said he's going to be teaching Marriage 101 this week to his daughter. Howard gave Jim some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard started off with a story about how Oprah's cable channel ratings are continuing to fall. He said her ratings are well below a lot of other networks. Howard said she has like no viewers. Howard said they replaced Discovery Health with this channel. Howard asked if that's doing better or worse than the other channel. Gary said he thinks that they are worse than they were before. Howard said that's good. He said you can't just slap your name on something. You have to do the work. Howard said they did hire Rosie O'Donnell though so that might help.
Gary said that someone went on Howard's Twitter and found all of the celebrities that are following him. He ran down a list of people that were in there and there were a ton. Howard sounded impressed when he heard Rose McGowan was following. Gary said that Alyssa Milano is following him too. Gary said there were many more. Gary said Steve Martin is following him. There were a lot more but he ran through that list very quickly.
Howard said he has some other news to talk to Robin about. He said they were running out of time though. Howard said that there's an article about Gary going to the Parks and Recreation committee board meeting. Howard said that Steve Langford went and followed the story so Gary went to this meeting last night. Howard said that there's an article about all of that in the paper today. Gary said they had about 5 pictures of him in there. Howard read the story where they talk about his meeting last night. He said that one of the women there was Colleen Jenkins who was apparently all hoity toity. She went online and read about Howard Stern and read that he's a ''shock jock'' so she had to learn what that means. Howard said this woman wasn't so happy about that. She read about Howard throwing baloney at a woman's behind. Howard said Gary caught a shit storm there at the meeting. Howard said Steve has tape of this woman.
Gary said she was telling him that Howard had done this in 2010 but Gary said he told her he didn't think that was the right date. Howard said he would have walked right out of there and told her that if they put her under a microscope then they'd find some weird shit about her too. Howard said they don't know anything about this woman.
Gary got the endorsement from the committee. Howard said that they think that Gary is a different man outside of the show but he really isn't. Gary said he admits he was lying. Howard said that they voted Gary into this committee. Gary told him to read the last sentence. Howard read that and they said that the woman abstained from the vote. They had some more quotes from her.
Gary said all of this was going on and the time came to vote. He said he was right there and they vote right in front of him. He said one guy didn't say a word the whole meeting. The guy said that he didn't get any sense of the candidate at all. Gary said he told the guy he could ask a question but the board said no. Gary said that guy said he was going to abstain too. Then one woman voted no. Gary said that he was laughing at the whole thing. He said one guy said that it really doesn't matter hat he does for a living because he wants to do the job and he seems qualified. Howard asked if he would have been okay with it if he was voted out. Gary said he wouldn't care. He said that this is a voluntary job and he'd like to see the parade of people that would want to do it. Gary said the whole thing was funny and he's just a volunteer.
Howard said Gary should start bringing up weird shit at the parks and rec meetings. Gary said that one of the guys on the board was making sense and telling the people why he thought he was qualified for this board. Howard said there are a lot of people who have too much free time to fuck with you and they have done nothing in their lives. Gary said Jason was looking up this woman and she apparently goes around talking about her great, great grandmother all the time. She runs the family trust. Howard said that he knows a ton of those broads and they're all a pain in the neck. He said that they have never lived and had to work. Howard said he had no trust. Neither did Gary.
Robin read about a guy who got sick while in college and he had a kidney donated to him by a coach at his school. Howard said that's a good man right there. Robin said his name is Tom Walter. Howard said he could never do something like that.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan being charged with felony grand theft. She's accused of stealing a necklace from a store. Robin said this could be looked at as a violation of her probation. Howard said you have to feel bad for this very ill girl. He said that she's a mess. Howard said he's not sure what they can do for her at this point though. Howard said his diagnosis is that she's mentally ill. He said that from one mentally ill person to another.
Robin read about a new app that's available for people who want to do confession on their cell phones. Robin read some details about that app. They had to go to break after that.
After the break Robin got right back to her news and read about a guy who was killed by a chicken that had a blade attached to its leg for cock fighting. Robin read the details about that. Howard said death by cock is not cool.
Robin read a story about how John Bon Jovi is thinking about buying the Atlanta Falcons. Robin said she's not sure if he's thinking about doing that on his own or with a consortium of others. They argued about the pronunciation of ''consortium'' after Robin said it.
Robin read a story about cancer surgery and how they've found that removing lymph nodes may be going too far because they found that people live about as long with or without removal.
Fred told Howard about the correct pronunciation of consortium. Fred had a computer program that was giving the pronunciation of the words. They were giving a bunch of others like sphincter and anilingus and things like that. Fred tried Kike and the N-word. It was a very proper pronunciation of the word. Howard asked for some other racial slurs. Robin threw some out there. She suggested ''sheeny.'' Fred said this was on Dictionary.com. They threw in some more words like cunt, whore and others. Howard told Fred to sprinkle them throughout the news if he finds more.
Robin got back to the Super Bowl discussion and said that the Darth Vader commercial is making the rounds and the little kid in the commercial has been interviewed a lot lately. Fred threw in ''Fuckhead'' from Dictionary.com while Robin had some audio of the kid's mother. Robin said that the kid got to meet James Earl Jones. Robin said she thinks that commercial was the most popular based on how popular it's become. Howard said he didn't even see the whole commercial. He just caught the tail end of it. Fred played the computer voice saying ''cocksucker'' and ''tittie'' around then too.
Robin read about the ACLU trying to get the death penalty banned. Fred threw in ''motherfucker'' around then. Howard said he's changed his mind about the death penalty lately because they have so many innocent people that are wrongly accused. Robin had some audio of some people talking about how some of those innocent people have been put to death.
Robin read about Christina Aguilera's problems singing the National Anthem. Robin said someone is offering her another chance this summer at a baseball game. Howard said that Gary had a second chance and look at what happened there. Robin said they asked Simon Cowell about her rendition of the song. Robin had some audio of Simon talking about it. He didn't like it. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some car bombings in Iraq. Robin said there were a bunch of people killed by the bombings.
Robin read a story about a teacher who punched and scratched some kids in her first grade class. Fred threw in some more audio from the dictionary site. He played ''labia'' and ''pussy'' and then ''boner.'' Howard said they should have the voice of Little Lupe doing those things for their web site.
Robin said they say that an asteroid is heading toward earth and it's about the size of a car. Robin said that it's going to pass close to earth. Robin said they say that it poses no threat to the planet but it will be within 64,000 miles of the planet.
Robin read a story about a guy who is charged with sex crimes against a minor. They say that the man was having sex with a 15 year old for 6 months and they fear there could be more. She had some audio of an official talking about that case.
Robin read about Justin Bieber and how he's got a new movie coming out. Robin had some audio of Bieber singing. Howard played a couple of seconds of that before cutting it off. Robin said there was a line of people waiting to see the movie. Fred threw in ''jerkoff'' from the dictionary site a couple of times during that story.
Robin read about an actor who was arrested for some crimes and he was in the TV show ''The Sopranos.'' They caught him in some recordings that the FBI had gotten.
Robin read about Rihanna performing at a half time show at the All Star game this month. Robin played some of her music and said that Rihanna mentioned that she'd be doing it on her Twitter account.
Robin read about Joe Perry talking about how he had some other commitment so he wasn't at the Aerosmith writing session. He will be there in the future though.
Robin read about Simon Cowell's new TV program and had some audio of him talking about what the show is about. Howard said he finds himself not caring about it. Fred threw in ''Smegma'' from the dictionary site while they talked about that. Robin read some news about Paula Abdul's show too. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
Jon went over some other stuff that they were going to talk about. They ended up talking about Gary's conformation for that committee. Gary said it was really weird because Langford was there and he was salivating while they were grilling him. Steve loved being there and told him that there was no other place he'd rather be at the time.
Jon said they had to talk about Jim Breuer too. He was going to take some phone calls but the phones weren't working again so he went to break instead.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Jim's home schooling thoughts and how he doesn't seem to care about the math stuff and some other stuff. Gary said he believes in having the kids prepared for everything so he'd want them to learn all of that stuff.
Jon asked Benjy what he thinks about home schooling. Benjy said he gets it but he thinks that most kids would want to go to school. He said if the parents are good teachers then it could be more effective than teaching 30 kids at once. He said that a lot of kids have gone through it and they turn out fine. Gary said that the people doing the teaching aren't really qualified to do it though. Benjy said some states have mandatory testing that they have to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he found it funny that Howard asked what you can learn in home schooling. The guy said that he had a joke for Jim when they were talking about that. He told the joke which was about what the kid learned that day in home school and she learned to suck cock from mommy. No one laughed.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he listens to Breuer's show a lot and he thinks he's got a good rapport with people and he's probably on the Stern Show more than anyone else. Gary said that he is in the regular rotation. The caller asked if there is a possibility that they'd replace Howard with Breuer. Gary said absolutely not. He said that he and Jon are going to do that. He was joking. Gary said that Howard may not even be done in 5 years. He said he does think that Jim is funny on radio though. Gary said he hasn't heard the show in a long time but he has heard him. The caller said Jim is an unbelievable story teller.
Jon and Gary talked about how close Jim is with his dad. They talked about what a good guy he is for taking him out to clubs and stuff. They also brought up Tabitha Stevens and how she was willing to have sex with Jim's dad. Benjy said he likes Tabitha and he wonders if she's doing it for the show or would she just do it on the street for some old guy who didn't have any money. Gary said he thinks that she would if the son asked her to do it. Gary said he thinks that she's a good person. Benjy said he'd like to test it out to see if she would. He said they'd have to wait like 6 months so she forgets about it.
Jon took another call from a guy who congratulated Gary on getting on that committee. Gary said he's not actually in yet. He has to go through one more vote but this was the hardest one.
The caller went on to say that Howard's Twitter thing is going to get him obsessed and he's going to have to try and get more and more followers. He said he's going to start wondering why other celebrities have more followers then he does. He said that Howard has 200,000 at this point and it is impressive that it happened so rapidly. He said he can imagine the shows that are going to come out of that when it slows down.
Gary said that sometimes it feels like a job when you post. He said that he doesn't bother doing it if he doesn't have anything to say. He said that some celebrities tweet 24/7 though. Gary said he heard that Howard's account is the fastest growing account ever or something like that. Benjy said that's what he said this morning.
The guys talked about some of the celebrities who are following Howard and if they're really fans or are they following to get more followers. Jon said it might be a little bit of both.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Twitter plugs at the end of the show are driving him nuts. He said that plugging Teddy Microphone's Twitter is just too much. He said that they spend like 5 minutes doing it. Jon said it's just one minute doing it. Benjy said that's a lot of people's favorite part of the show. Gary said he's going to turn it over to Benjy so he can plug his Twitter and his BangBangShow.com web site. The caller said he hopes that Howard hears this so he can stop it. Benjy said he gets what he's saying. He said he'd like to be able to do it but he gets what he's saying.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if there's a way to find out how many people signed up just to follow Howard. Gary said he's not sure if they could figure that out. Shuli said that the number of followers up there has shot up. He said Beetlejuice's numbers shot up over 10,000 after they got in a plug on the show too. Jon went to break after that.
Jon asked Lisa if she thinks about this marriage thing at all. Lisa said she is behind the 8 ball right now but she's thinking that the older you get the harder it is to find someone. Gary said that she's got too many constraints on herself. Lisa said it's very hard to find someone. Gary said he thinks that she could have fun though. Lisa said she is having fun. She said she went on a date last weekend and she told the guy she gets up at 4am and the guy had a look on his face like he was shocked. Gary said he told Mary that he gets up really early and she thought that he really didn't like her because he was dropping her off so early. Gary said now she goes to bed before he does most of the time.
Jon played some of the audio of Lisa gasping when Howard announced he had planned something for Beth. Lisa was very giddy according to Jon. Lisa said Howard has very good taste so she knows it's going to be good. She said she was like ''wow!'' when she heard that. Lisa said she knows that he has amazing taste and she's seen the gifts he gives.
Gary asked Lisa about what the best gift is that she's gotten. Lisa said she's had romance and she had a guy cook her dinner and bring her flowers and things like that. She said that she's seen guys doing things like lining up at Godiva on Valentine's day. That's not romantic.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Lisa's reaction reeked of desperation. He wondered why she's so excited about someone else getting their wife a gift. Lisa said she's just excited for someone who is so nice. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with that. Benjy asked the guy what race he was because he was trying to figure it out. The guy said he's a black man from Long Island who moved to Atlanta. He went on to say that he felt it was ridiculous for Lisa to get so excited. He told her to get a man. Lisa said she would still get excited even if she had a man.
Jon asked Lisa if Howard is a perfect catch. Lisa said that he is and explained why. She said he works hard and he's athletic and things like that. She doesn't see any of his idiosyncrasies.
Shuli said that Lisa asked someone there to be her Valentine. Gary asked what that means. Lisa said she just asked them to exchange chocolate. It turns out it was High Pitch Mike and he turned her down.
Gary asked Lisa what it means to her when someone tells her to just get married. She said it's pathetic and you can't just do that.
Ralph called in and told Lisa that she's going to freak out when she finds out what Howard actually did. He said that he knows what it is and she's going to be blown away by this. The guys were saying that they'd find out after Valentine's day.
Jon asked Lisa if Valentine's day is a tough day for Lisa. She said it's not. Ralph said it's not for him either and he'll be spending it with his mother and sister. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about how he was up at 2 in the morning again. He had to pee again so he had to get up and then wasn't able to get up. Howard said he had a big dinner last night so he was drinking alcohol and he got wasted. He said his stomach was empty so he got drunk quick. Howard said he's like a chick that way.
Howard said he was on Twitter yesterday and he's starting to realize what it is. He said he was Tweeting with Alyssa Milano and they got into this thing. He said Alyssa posted a headline from CNN about animals shelters in Egypt struggling. Howard said that they have a lot going on over there so it's tough for the shelters. Howard said you read about their lives over there and the people are spending 6 hours a day in line for bread. Howard said you read about how much money that Hosni Mubarak is keeping for himself and how he could spread just part of what he has with his people and he'd be a hero. Howard said the guy is greedy.
Howard said Alyssa tweeted about that so he tweeted back and told her not to tell Beth about it because he'll have every Egyptian cat and dog in his apartment. Then she wrote back that she was going to tell Beth. Then he said if she did that then he'd make her come in and be interviewed about her sex life. Howard said she told him he won. Howard said he was going to go back and forth with her asking what she was wearing and stuff like that but he figured Beth wouldn't like that. Howard said he realized that he could have done an interview with her right there on Twitter. He said he could do something like that and he's realizing that now.
Howard said that no one else has done a talk show on Twitter but he's going to start that. He said he's fascinated with the technology. He said he's learning his way around that thing now that he's got help. He said he was excited to have Alyssa on that thing. He said she said she may come on the show. Howard said he thinks she's hot too.
Howard asked Benjy if he was watching that. Benjy said he was but he was also watching this magic trick video he posted. Howard said there's a link up there now and this Chinese guy passes a coin through a table. He said he also passes a hand through a fish tank glass. He said that it's pretty cool.
Howard said someone said that he was being paid to tweet these links. Howard said if he's having fun people think he's making money. Robin asked how he could setup a business that fast. Howard said he's getting paid to post links to Chinese magicians.
Howard said he's not being paid. He's just having a little fun doing this stuff. He said he has a lot of thoughts for what to do on there now.
Howard said that he was trying to be entertaining with Alyssa and he doesn't want to do anything to upset Beth. He said it may come off the wrong way when he's writing that stuff. He said he does think that Alyssa is adorable. He said that she was naked in a movie and it was a crazy movie. He said it wasn't her Black Swan but he thinks she probably fucks like crazy. Howard said her answer to him about what she was wearing was Uggs and Sweats. Howard said that was hot to him. He said that must be so cute. He said she must be a firecracker.
Howard said that he always thought that Alyssa was going to grow up hot. He said he was into her even when she was on ''Who's the Boss.'' Robin said he did say that she was going to be hot.
Howard said he had to ask Gary to refresh his memory about the whole thing. Howard said Kevin would come on the show but his publicist would call them a lot to get him on. Howard said he revealed that on the air and Kevin took it as a big insult. Then Kevin announced he wasn't going to come on the show anymore. Howard said he figured that he could come on the show and tantrum like that. Howard said he didn't tell Kevin not to come on the show, it was Kevin who made that decision. Howard said Kevin was doing other shows like Opie and Anthony and Imus. Howard said he talks about all of this on Joy Behar later this week.
Howard said Kevin would give him a back handed insult. He said that Kevin will say he doesn't have a problem with him but he's not going to do the show anymore. Howard said he doesn't have that many directors on the show anyway. He said he has guys who are well known like Ron Howard. Howard said he doesn't really have directors on. He said he has had Ivan Reitman and James Cameron on the show. He said that Kevin makes some small movies and that's fine but they're small.
Howard said Kevin hasn't been on in years and he had forgotten all about it. He said Gary reminded him about it. He said this didn't come up for a long time but then the other day Kevin called Gary and said he was available to come on the show on Wednesday. Howard said Kevin wanted to come on the show. He said he told Gary that he wasn't in this feud that Kevin thinks they're in and the friendship thing was awkward. Howard said he thought maybe they'd have some kind of friendship but it didn't really work out. He said after 7 years the guy called in and asked to be on the show. Howard said he told Gary that it wasn't all that interesting to the audience. He said no one was asking where Kevin was. Howard said he's not that aware of Kevin all that much.
Howard said now it's become a thing where he's saying that he's a bully and he won't put him on the show and things like that. Howard said he's like a little child tantrums. Howard said that's like him saying that he's going to attack Kevin because he hasn't put him in any of his last 5 movies. He said he didn't know he was going to have to be attacked in some weird way.
Howard said people on Twitter were telling him he has to have him on the show. Howard said Kevin is happy doing shows where they let him talk so why come on this show? Howard said he's not in a feud with him but on Friday he's going to be on Joy Behar's show. They sent over some audio of that interview ahead of time.
Howard played the audio of Joy asking Kevin about why he hasn't been on the Stern Show. Kevin explained what happened the last time he was on the show and why he decided to stop going on. Howard said Gary told him that his people used to call all the time for him to come on the show and he mentioned that on the show. Howard said that's what upset Kevin. Gary said Kevin does a lot of stuff and they would get him pitched to the show fairly often.
Howard played more of the audio where Kevin was talking about how weird the whole thing was. Kevin said he felt like Howard was the popular kid who is nice to him to his face but behind his back he's like the guy saying that he's fat and things like that. Howard said he should just come out and say that he likes him if he likes him. Robin said he may like him too much.
Howard said he's going to go around saying that he's mad at Kevin for not putting him in his movies. He said that's what this is like.
Kevin was also talking about how great it is going on Opie and Anthony's show because they let him talk. Howard said that's great, go on those shows. He said that there is no issue then. Howard wondered why he has to bad mouth him on Joy Behar of all places. Kevin was saying that he'd rather go to a place where they ''share the ball'' instead of the Stern Show. Howard said he had the guy over to his house and he had him on the radio show letting him promote his stuff.
Howard said the guy was ready to come back on the show yesterday but they were busy. Howard said he certainly won't have him back on now that he's said all of this. Howard said they were busy with Jim Breuer yesterday so they didn't have time for Kevin.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked ''Kevin who?'' Howard said he was wondering if he should even bring this up. He said that he's going to have to explain who it is and it's going to become something now that he's brought it up. Howard said Kevin is a movie director. He can't even name his movies. Robin said he's the guy who did ''Clerks.'' Robin said he's known for Bob and Silent Jay and other things. He also did a movie with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
Gary read some notes about the last time they had Kevin in and how they were making fun of how unpopular he was and how no one cares about him being on the show. Howard said he likes Kevin's movies. He didn't have anything bad to say about them.
Howard played some more of the interview where Kevin was talking about being turned down for Wednesday's show. He said they told him they were booked. Then he said he doesn't care and he doesn't play those games with people. Howard said that he says he's not playing games but he is.
Robin said she watched ''Cop Out'' and she enjoyed it. Kevin directed that movie. Howard said that's great. He said she's very positive. Howard said he's got nothing against the guy and he's very talented. Robin said the movie was cute and she'd give it 3 stars.
Howard said he got hit on Twitter with people telling him he was a dick for not having Kevin on. Howard said he's not going to subject Kevin to the show if he doesn't want to be part of it. Howard said it feels weird because he has no animosity toward the man. He said he's not looking to break his heart or hurt him in any way.
Howard said he's just doing what he thinks is best for his audience. He said that's what Kevin has to do when he makes a movie. He said that he could be mad at Kevin for not casting Fred in his movies.
Howard said they must see something in her if they're asking her back again. He asked what she's going to be doing tonight. Robin said she got the call late last night so she's not sure what's going to be going on. She said she was out with someone last night at dinner when she heard about the show. Howard asked who she was out with. Robin said it was just a friend. Howard asked if she got it on with that girlfriend. Robin said she did not. She went home alone to her cat.
Fred played some computer generated voice lines for Robin. Fred said someone sent it to him. It's a Text to Speech site. He said that they could put Twitter responses through this. Howard said people loved that they were doing that yesterday. Robin said that's what she heard too. Howard read through some of those emails. Howard said they got some positive stuff about Jim Breuer and Lisa G. He got to the dictionary stuff that Fred was playing yesterday. People liked what they were doing during the news. Fred played a computer generated thing that said that Kevin Smith was an asshole and Robin has a tight asshole. Howard said he likes that.
Howard and Robin were throwing lines at Fred to type into this text to speech thing. Fred would put the lines in but he was a little slow typing. Fred tried a bunch and he asked Howard to give him a second to find the Google translate site so he could try them there. Robin said they should get a really fast typist in there to give them some lines.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to stop talking about Kevin Smith. He said that his last movie got worse ratings than ''Last Action Hero'' which was another one of Robin's favorites.
The caller asked to hear the Dictionary.com ''Twat'' thing he played yesterday. Howard said maybe he can get on one computer and Fred can be on another so they can have a conversation with the computer generated voices. Howard said he can do it if he has a keyboard. He doesn't think he has one. Benjy has a keyboard but it's not plugged into Howard's system.
Fred played some more voices and tried to get it to say some stuff as if she was Robin. Howard told Fred to type in some stuff that Robin might say. He had it saying that she had a bunch of vegetables in her twat. Howard said he and Robin could do it because they know how to type.
The caller said he wanted to tell Howard what the definition of ''twot'' was. Howard said he didn't think that sounded that interesting but he let the guy do it. The guy told him and then Fred had the computer say ''Hang up on this asshole.'' Howard said she knows what she's talking about. Fred threw in a ''Fuck you Rich'' after that.
Howard said Schimmel didn't have any money either. He said that's what he heard. Howard said that you have to put some money away for that rainy day. He said that if you're single you can die penniless.
Howard said that JD has been looking for the ''please'' comments from The Bachelor. Howard played some of those clips where he says ''please'' as ''pleece.'' Fred played the computer saying ''This guy sounds like a jerkoff.''
Howard said the guy on the Bachelor is being called a bad guy for not picking someone the last time he was on abut he thinks that he's a good guy. He said that he didn't love anyone so he didn't pick on. Howard said they brought him back after he went to therapy and now he's ready to pick a mate. Howard said the guy didn't need therapy. He said he was on a dating show and he didn't love anyone. He said now it's come out that he had a girlfriend before going back on the show. Howard said you have to beware of guys like that.
That led to Howard and Robin talking about Mario Lopez and Corbin Berensen who were banging everything they could when they were married. Howard said Stamos has fucked so many women too. He said that he keeps quiet about who he's with though.
Howard said he saw that Ashlee Simpson is divorcing Pete Wenz. He said that they announced that they're doing that. Howard said he saw that someone had written on Twitter about how they have a formula for marriage and divorce now. He said that they wait 2 years before doing the divorce thing. Howard said he saw Ashlee up there at Sirius recently and she looked really hot. He said she must be a pain in the ass like her sister. He said they must both be a pain in the ass. Robin said she read that it was actually Ashlee who wanted the divorce.
Howard said Don must have an assistant. He said the note was all typed out. Howard said that Don said that his flattering comments about him were too nice and it was too much for him to handle. Don said that he's going to keep his picture in his wallet and told him to march on as he always does. Howard said that he's carrying this note around with him because he loves that guy so much. He said that he's such a talent. He said he's the best talk show guest there ever was. Howard said getting that note was better than even being verified on Twitter.
Howard said he heard from Bill Clinton's assistant that it was actually his signature on the note he got from him. Howard said he wasn't thinking about framing that one because he's not that big of a framing guy. Robin said it is from bill Clinton though.
Howard said the necklace that Lindsay was accused of stealing looked pretty shitty. He said that it didn't look like it was worth that much. He said that they should have that thing appraised before they charge her with the theft. Howard said it looked like a piece of crap to him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if that was from a birthday show. Fred said it was from an album called ''Stage.'' Howard said he loves that version. He listened to the song for a short time and said it was beautiful.
Howard said he was trying to do something on Letterman the other day. He said that Fred could leave the song on. Howard said he felt like he's at a party or strip club with the music playing. Howard said that he actually talks to the strippers when he's getting lap dances. He said that he'll talk to them about their lives and how much he owes them and things like that. Howard did an impression of the girls talking to him and telling him that Lonnie told them to say they love him. Howard said he used to tell them that he didn't go there that much but meanwhile he was counting the minutes.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Paul Shaffer about how his job isn't that hard. He said he has 8 keyboards surrounding him so he wanted to get in there to play Louie Louie. He said he wasn't able to figure out how to get in there.
Howard said he's concerned about doing Jimmy Kimmel via satellite. Howard said he might do the band thing on Jimmy Fallon's show though. Howard said maybe Kimmel will change his mind and not have him on. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Howard looked for the day he was doing the show. He said he's doing Jon Stewart on February 28th and March 3 is Kimmel. Fallon is on the 17th of March.
Howard said he was going to do Nightline but he backed out of that. Howard said he backed out of that because he hates doing interviews and he really wants to promote the Sirius app. He said it's so great and he doesn't know how to describe just how great it is. He said he should go on radio where they let him talk. He said he gets what Kevin Smith is saying now. He needs to go on and promote and he kind of gets looked at like he's insane if he's plugging something.
Howard said he went to the Apple store yesterday and got the headphones that he was talking about yesterday. He said he didn't have them yesterday. He said he went to the store and got them yesterday. He said the guy who helped him was pretty nice. He said that if you don't want to wait in line they have iPhones that can take your credit card. He said it was great. He likes the headphones too.
Howard said he baked out of the Nightline thing because they were going to do a 1 hour interview and cut it down to 10 minutes. He said that he knows they won't let him promote the app. He said that he thinks he'll be able to do that on Jon Stewart and Jimmy Fallon's shows. He said he's not even sure if he can do that. Howard said that's all he's going out doing these appearances for. He said that his Letterman appearance went so well that he doesn't need to do these.
Howard said he'd rather do Kimmel and Fallon's show at the same time. He said they probably wouldn't like that though. He said that would be one way to get his interviews done.
Howard said he knows that the Nightline interview would be cut up and they won't let him promote. Howard said he'd like to do Nightline but it's just not going to happen unless he can go on live and have a shot at promoting the app.
Howard said no one there at the company thanked him for going out and promoting this thing. He's not sure why they're not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his appearances have been awesome lately. He said his wife isn't into them but he is. Howard said he heard that guy on Morning Joe talking about how he can't listen anywhere but his car. Howard said that Lisa G interviewed the guy and he says he listens every day. He said it's very weird.
The caller said he watched Piers Morgan and Letterman and his wife liked those interviews. She doesn't like the radio show though. The caller said his buddy started listening to Sirius late last year and he's really liking it.
Howard said they have a thing on this ChristWire thing about how you can spot a masturbator. He wants to read that too. Howard read the article about himself where they say that he's the most vile and inhuman person in the universe. Robin said there are so many worse people out there.
Howard read through the article where they claim that he's started this account so he can spread pictures of lesbians, drunken gay midgets and things like that. They also claimed that he was going to drug his wife so he could post pictures of his nude wife. Howard said it was a picture of his wife he put up there. They called her his ''child bride.''
Orly said she's been her matchmaker for 10 years now. Robin said she must not be doing a very good job then. Orly said that she should be nice to her because she's giving them an exclusive. Howard asked if Gayle even knows that she's her matchmaker. Orly said of course she does. She doesn't pay her anything though. Howard said that she must be getting what she pays for then.
Howard asked why she can't get Gayle a man. Orly said she's been working with her on and off and the more famous she became the more demanding she got. She said that she wants a perfect 10 and he has to be exactly what she's looking for. Howard said it sounds like there's only one of those out there. He said it sounds like the guy who is dating Tyra Banks.
Howard asked if she has set Gayle up with anyone. Orly said that she did set her up with someone years ago. She said that she dated him for a while. They really liked one another. Orly said that Gayle phoned him once and he didn't call her right back so she figured he had a girlfriend and called it off. Howard said that it sounds like she's too particular. Orly said that Gayle is 58 and she's divorced with children that are grown and no one is good enough for her. Howard said Oprah is good enough and Gayle should marry Oprah.
Orly said that Oprah did an interview with Barbara Walters and Barbara asked her flat out if she was gay. Oprah said that she's not gay and she's upset that anyone thinks that she's a liar. Orly said that everyone is asking the wrong person the question. They should be asking Gayle King. Orly said that they should ask her if she's gay. Howard said he doesn't understand. He asked why she's talking about a client like this. Howard said that it sounds like she's not sure about Gayle but she is sure about Oprah being straight.
Howard said he has no idea what they're even talking about there. Orly said Howard is so cute. Howard told her she's not doing a good job with Gayle but maybe she's just not that good at match making. Howard said he was just joking of course.
Howard asked Orly what she's saying. Orly said she's introduced her to many men and she doesn't last long with them. Howard told her to hook her up with Hosni Mubarak. He has a lot of money and he's almost black.
Howard asked Orly about her lawsuit. Orly said the case was dismissed. She said she was being sued over a matchmaking thing. Howard said he heard that she told this woman she was going to introduce her to some rich movie star and it turned out to be Larry the Cable Guy. Orly said that's not true and he's making up stories. Howard said that's what he heard. She said that's not what happened but she didn't get into detail. She said it was dismissed so that's that.
Howard asked Orly how old she is and found out she's 54. Howard asked if she's still hot or if she's a mess. She said she was once a Miss Israel. Howard said he met a Miss Israel once and she had hairy armpits.
Orly said that she has found Gayle her soul mate and no one is good enough for her. Howard asked when she last heard from her. She said the last email was about 3 weeks ago. Howard said he's sure that she's going to email her today and ask what she's doing to her. Orly said that there's something wrong there because no one is good enough for her. She said she does date them but none of them are good enough. Orly said that the men tell her that Gayle really eats a lot and orders the most expensive things on the menu.
Howard asked if the women she sets up have requests for big cocks and stuff like that Orly said that she knew he was going to bring that up. Howard asked if she could set Robin up. She said that she can. Howard gave her a plug for her web site OrlyTheMatchmaker.com
Orly said that she's willing to call in with weekly updates for them if they want. Howard didn't say yes to that. He took a call from a guy who wondered what her agenda is there with Gayle. Orly said that she's just telling them the truth. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard said they have to hook Robin up with her to get her some love.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Howard said Steve was at the board meeting with Gary the other night and he's glad he was there. Howard said he was steaming hearing the report. Howard said Steve taped the entire thing. He said that the woman's questions had nothing to do with Gary. Gary was explaining what he does on the radio show and he should have told them to fuck off.
Howard wanted to play the news report. He and Gary spent a minute talking about what went on there and how Howard thinks that Gary didn't need to explain himself. Howard played the report that Steve did about this meeting Gary was at. Steve had some audio from the meeting and he had this woman asking Gary about what they do on the radio show and how Howard was throwing baloney slices at a woman. Howard wondered what her point was. He said Gary was being nice like he was going to a job interview. Gary answered her and said that it was true but not on the date that she said. Howard wondered why Gary had to tell this woman what he does for a living. Howard said this was making him mental. Robin said the boards always attract busy bodies who want to wield their powers.
Steve said that Gary had to go to another meeting last night. He also said that this woman was saying that Howard missed the point about the way he treats women. Howard said that what he does on his show has nothing to do with Gary. He said that she found an opportunity to talk about Howard Stern and women. He said it was her great, great grandmother who did something with her life, not this woman.
Steve said that they have a story about the head of the Radio Hall of Fame and how his roommate is going to jail on child pornography charges. Steve also mentioned that Little Lupe is doing a special show on Monday night on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from Wheels and said he gets a lot of mail from people who say that he's too monotone when he's on the phone. Wheels said that it's early in the morning. He was also wondering how many women Mario Lopez has been with since he's coming in this morning. Howard said he was fucking women on his honeymoon so it's probably well over 500. Howard said the guy must have major stories to tell. He said his middle name is probably tookie. They went to break after that.
After the break we heard a Black History Month bit about Lexington Steele. Fred also played Bruce Springsteen's ''Badlands'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Mario Lopez come in. Howard said he's a host on the TV show ''Extra'' now. Howard said that he is a good looking guy too. Mario said this was cool to be in the studio. He said it was awesome. He saw the cameras and stuff and was impressed by all of that.
Howard said that Mario has real abs and he's in great shape. He asked what it's like to be that handsome. He said he asks Stamos that all the time. Mario said that he takes that as a compliment. Howard asked if he's ever gotten together with him and talked about their conquests. Mario said John has a few years on him but he looks like he did 20 years ago. Howard said that they were trying to guesstimate how many women he's had. Howard asked when he started on Saved by the Bell. Mario said he was 15 when he stated on that show. He did it from 15-20.
Mario said that his mom kept him busy to keep him out of trouble. He said he did a lot of sports like wrestling and things like that. Howard said that's how you get a physique like that. Howard asked if it came naturally to him. Mario said it did kind of come naturally. Howard said he's the opposite of him. Mario said he did some karate and things like that too. He said he still boxes. Howard asked if he's afraid of fucking up his face. Mario said he wears headgear.
Howard asked Mario if he's ever gotten into fights in bars and stuff. He said that he did and he got sued 3 times. Howard asked if they were guys starting in with him. Mario said the last time was down in Daytona during bike week. He said that the bartender served him after they did last call and a guy gave him a hard time and they started shoving him around. He said he busted the guy's eyelid and he got a knock on his hotel room door and it was the cops. He said that he learned all about the laws when it comes to a fight in Florida. He said that he dropped the guy with the first punch. He hit him right in the eye and knocked him down. He wasn't out but he was knocked down.
Mario said that he left the bar and the guy and his buddies followed him to the hotel. He said he was trying to get away from the guy but the elevator wouldn't open so he had to drop the guy again. He said he punched him one more time and knocked the guy down again. He said he had to settle out of court for that.
Howard asked what he was getting paid to do that Saved by the Bell show. He said he was getting $3,500. He said that they were a Saturday morning show so it wasn't a big paying show. Mario said the show went into syndication but they didn't get money out of that. Howard said that's what Dustin Diamond told them.
Howard said it must have been tough getting off of that show and then going out to do an adult kind of job. Mario said he wasn't in it to just act. He said that he wanted to be able to go to college so he was out to make a few bucks. He said the fight thing cost him like $60,000. He said that the guy was the one who started in with him too. Mario said he's all about walking away from it now. He said that people are cool most of the time but once in a while he gets people like that.
Howard asked if it feels great to knock a guy down like that. Mario said it is exhilarating. Howard asked if he obsesses over his body. He said he sees a lot of pictures of him with his shirt off. Mario said he likes to train and fitness is important for him. He said he likes to practice what he preaches and he's got a lot of things he's doing for fitness. He said he boxes and when he fights in a bar he's boxing and that can turn into wrestling and then MMA if it keeps going.
Howard asked Mario about the fights he's been in and how painful it must be. Mario said he has busted up his hand punching guys. Howard said that's why movie fights are so fucked up. He said that the fight is usually over after one or two punches.
Howard said Mario's mom must have pushed him into show business. Mario said he read well at an early age and he was at some theater play that he was doing and a talent agent approached his mom telling her that she should give it a try. He said he started doing local commercials and then got stuff in L.A. Mario said he did a show called Kids Incorporated and he was on that with Fergie and some other kids. Howard said he didn't know she was a child star.
Howard asked Mario when he first got laid. He said he was 13. He said that he had just turned 13 at the time and he was thinking about how young his nephews are.
Fred played some of the computer generated voices he was playing earlier in the show. He even played one in Spanish so Mario didn't get what she was saying.
Howard asked Mario about Fergie and if she was hot at 9. He said she wasn't at 9 but by 13 or 14 she was. He said that he has a 6 year old nephew and he's liking girls already.
Howard asked if he has banged any fat chicks. Mario said that he didn't discriminate. Gary wondered what his definition of fat is. Howard said he can't imagine why he would bang a fat chick. Howard said that Mario told him that fat to him is someone like Courteney Cox. Mario laughed and said that's not true.
Howard said that Mario has a kid and he's not married yet. Howard asked if that was an accident. Mario said that his girl went to get a check up and she had cysts on her ovaries and she wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. Mario said that he just figured they'd leave it in God's hands and see what happens. He said she had surgery and he wasn't supposed to touch her for 3 weeks. Then she got pregnant shortly after that 3 weeks.
Howard said that Mario must have been making out with Fergie on that show. He asked if she was talented back then. Mario said that he could tell back then. He had no idea she was a meth head though. Howard brought that up.
Howard asked Mario if he's got a big, thick cock. Mario said he hasn't had any complaints. Mario said that he has a son so they were wondering about the circumcision thing. He's uncircumcised himself. He said that women are intrigued by it at first but when you become erect then it's all the same. Howard asked if that girl on Dancing with the Stars who he was dancing with and if he was falling in love with her. Mario said she was a great girl. Howard asked if he made a pact with himself to stay away from her. Mario said he did and sometimes you just can't say no to yourself. Robin asked when the breaking point was. Howard asked if she was insanely hot body wise. Mario said that she was. He said that it was a couple of months in before he cracked. He said he wasn't in love with her but he was definitely infatuated with her.
Howard asked Mario how he let that chick down. He asked if they start crying. Howard said he's some catch. Mario said that particular situation was easy because they don't live near each other. He said that it was a mutual thing when they broke up.
Howard said that he can't imagine what it's like being with that chick for the first time. He said he should take him out to dinner and have a talk with him. He said that he can't imagine the freaky stuff they were up to. Mario said she was a passionate girl. He said not all dancers are like that though.
Howard said he thought the best story about Mario is that he banged some chick on his honeymoon. Mario said that's not what happened. He was at a bachelor party. He said it was his bachelor party when he did something. Mario said he had no business being in that position. He said he was in Mexico bouncing around with his cousins having fun. Howard said his bachelor party was just him smoking a joint. Mario said it was spring break and it was a situation where he wasn't mature and man enough to be that serious.
Howard asked how his fiancee found out. Mario said they weren't in the TMZ universe yet but people were starting with it. Mario said he told her he was going to Cabo and they were going to go marlin fishing. He said that it was easier to ask for forgiveness and permission before going. Mario said that they went out partying and then someone took a picture and placed him not in Cabo and then her sister saw it and she told his fiancee. He said it all worked out for the best after that. He was married to Ally Landry. He said that the marriage lasted 2 weeks. He said they realized that it wasn't going to work so he told her he wasn't ready for that and they ended it.
Howard said that maybe he wouldn't have cheated on her and things would have settled down. Mario said he just wasn't ready to settle down at the time. He wasn't man enough to know about how to do that.
Howard said that Mario was getting laid left and right on Saved by the Bell. It's going to be tough for him now even though he's with this woman. Mario said he's much more mature now. He's 37 years old and he's about to be 38. He said he thinks he can stay focused this time. He's been with this woman for about 3 years now.
Howard said that it seems like he kind of fell off the radar for awhile. Then he did Dancing with the Stars. Mario said he didn't want to do it but it was his mom's favorite show so she kept asking him to do it. Mario said he likes to keep his mom happy. Then he got on Extra and got more jobs out of that whole thing.
Howard went over the girls that Mario has been with. He was with Tiffani Thiessen. Howard asked hat happened to her. Mario said they had their babies a month apart and she's on some show on the USA Network. He said he can't remember the name of it. Howard said no one can.
Howard asked about the other girls on the show. Mario said he's not sure where he's getting his information but he didn't bang all of them. Howard said that Dustin ''Screech'' Diamond told them that he was a man whore. Mario said he was always cool with that kid and he's not sure why he turned on him. He said he was the only one who was cool with him too. He said that he was a nice kid and he feels bad for him now.
Howard asked if he likes the gig on Extra. Mario said he loves it. He said he gets to speak to really cool people every day. Howard said he must have a lot of people angry at him for walking into that job.
Howard asked Mario about the show he did with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce. Mario said he's still friends with Dick and the show was doing okay. He said that there was a lot of business stuff that went awry there. He said he still works with Dick Clark. Howard asked if it's tough to talk to him on the phone now. Mario said he had dinner with him the night before he had his stroke. Howard asked what it's like talking to him. He got his megaphone out and did his Dick Clark impression. Mario said he's going to pay for that one.
Howard said he loves Dick Clark but it must be tough to talk to him after the stroke. Mario said he's a proud guy and the discussions are short. He said he spends time on the phone with his assistant. Mario said that Dick has a van that he drives around in and it was set up as an office. Howard said the guy is in his 80s and he should be taking it easy.
Mario said that Dick has so much money that once he told him that he bought all of the Krispy Kreems in the UK. He said that Dick was selling his Lincoln Navigator and he figured he'd give him a break on the price but he didn't give him one cent off. He said the guy is a business man and that's why he has a gazillion dollars.
Howard asked Mario about taking over for Regis. Mario said he'd love to do that. He said he'd love to be in New York living. He said that he'd bring his girl there too. He said she's from Pittsburgh so she loves the East coast.
Howard said life seems to be good for him. He asked if there are talks to take over for Regis. He said he did the show on Monday and he loves Kelly. He said she's really awesome and super cool. Mario said that everyone is great over there. Mario said Regis is great too.
Howard asked if he has spoken to them formally about taking over. Mario said he has not. He said he did see Gellman on Monday. He said he just met with him like he did with Regis and Kelly. Howard asked if he's already got the job. Mario said he does not. He said he would love to say he does but he doesn't. Howard asked if he thinks he's his wife on his honeymoon.
Howard said this is some life he's having and he's not sure if he should be married. Howard said he told Stamos that too. He said the guy can have 5 or 6 naked models in his house at any time and John is bored. He said that's a party. Howard asked dif he can come to his next bachelor party. Mario said he can come if he throws it. Howard said he wants to have some real fun with him. Howard said that Mario is on Extra and you can find out more about air times at ExtraTV.com
Howard said that he thinks that it would be called Live with Kelly and Mario if he took over for Regis. Howard said Mario has led some life. He said that Mario has been with Jaime Presley, Tiffani Thiessen in her good years... Howard asked how many girls he's had at once. Mario said he can't talk about that. Howard went through more names like Ally Landry, Heidi Mueller and others. Howard jokingly threw in Lucille Ball. He also said that he dated Miss World Kari Stroup. He also has a close relationship with Eva Longoria. Mario said that they're just good buddies. Howard said that his girlfriend must hate that. Mario said she's like his sister. Howard asked if he's ever banged her. Mario swore to god that he didn't. Howard said he doesn't like it when Beth is on Extra with him. He asked him to please not seduce her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's still doing the show with the dogs called Dog Star. Mario said that they stopped doing it but they rerun them so kids still see the show all the time. Howard asked Mario if he's upset that Dick doesn't have him doing the New Years Eve thing. Mario said he doesn't have a problem at all. The caller asked if Tiffani is a cunt like she appears. Mario said she's not at all.
Howard asked Mario if he can be lazy in bed or does he put effort into it. Mario said his ego won't let him be lazy. He has to put some effort into it. Howard asked if the women put more effort into it. Mario said he's been with some girls who are really hot and they don't try that hard. He knows what Howard is talking about.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was on one of the best Viral Videos of all time with that Miss South Carolina. Howard said she screwed up the answer about maps or something. Howard played that clip a short time later. The girl was asked why people in the US can't find certain things on a map and her answer was about how people don't have maps and she was just rambling. Mario said he had to let her fall on her face and he was trying to squeeze her arm getting her to wrap it up but then she just kept going. He said she was close to winning too.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he banged another girl from The Bachelor. Mario said he didn't. Howard said that he gets caught up in that show. Mario said his girl gets caught up in that and he ends up watching it. Mario said his girl gets caught up in the Housewives of... shows and then he gets caught up in it.
Howard asked Mario if he went into a panic after Saved by the Bell and if he worried about what he was going to do with his life. Mario said he wanted to go to school and to be an anchorwoman. He said that was the plan so he didn't freak out. He said he stayed busy so there was never a problem.
Robin asked who the most successful person is from Saved by the Bell. Howard said that it might be Mario. It'd definitely not Screech. Howard said that it has to be Mario. He said that it's not the principal from the show.
Howard took a call from the Pink Cowboy who asked if he's ever pumped a guy in the mouth. Another caller said that he wanted to know if he's still into weed. Mario said he's not. He said he doesn't know where that came from. Howard said Mario is in training so he can't be doing that. Howard started to wrap up and thanked Mario for coming in after that. Howard asked if he ever watched the movie Showgirls. Mario said he did because that was his friend in the movie. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Fred what song that was. Fred let him know it was Moby with Gwen Stefani. Howard listened to it for a few seconds as he was trying to get his computer sex going. He had a keyboard set up for him so he could type in the words and have phone sex between two computer voices. Howard said it was going to be tougher than he thought. He said the mouse wasn't set up right.
Howard played his female computer voice saying ''Give me your hairy balls.'' Fred's male voice said ''Lick my sack.'' Howard said this just wasn't set up for radio. He gave up after typing in ''Stick your cock in my face.'' Fred had a line ready to go. Howard and Fred kept trying but there were long pauses between their lines. Fred had his talking about how he was going to jerk off to Robin. Howard said that took him out of his comfort zone. They kept going though. It was very slow moving. Howard gave up again after having his say ''Where is Kevin Smith?''
Howard said there's an article in the paper about Steven Tyler and how he's made the whole American Idol thing work. Howard said they say he's a genius. Howard said they kind of go on to slam Randy Jackson saying he's unnecessary. Howard said they talk about how sincere Steven is in the show and how good he is. Howard said they say he's handling himself very well on the show. Howard said Aerosmith's album sales are up so this is a home run for him.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a minute talking about Mario Lopez and what a good guest he was. Robin said she got caught up with him and she was smitten with him. Howard said he must be her type. Robin said he's not really her type.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard was kind of racist with Mario when he asked him if he ever started a lawn care business. Howard said he didn't mean it like that. He was thinking about how Matt Lauer had started a lawn care business when he couldn't get a job. Howard said he wasn't even thinking that he was Mexican. Howard said he wasn't trying to be racist there. He said that he was thinking about Matt and how he started his lawn care business. Howard said he knows he'll be called a racist and it's not the first time.
Jon ran down the rest of the subjects he had for the show today. Fred was still playing with his computer voice and had it saying that Robin was fingering herself while Mario was in there. Howard let Jon go after that.
Howard had Mutt on the line to preview tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Mutt said that he doesn't think that the new theme for Jon isn't very good and they should go back to Rich Nerd. Mutt said that they'll be talking about the new SiriusXM web site and the new online player. Howard said he has some good ideas for the web site and his own web site. He said he has to get it all organized. Mutt said that they'll be talking about all of that tonight. He said they'll talk about Howard's Twittering and things like that too. That's tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Jeff the Drunk called in and thanked him for another week of great radio. He said he was glad to hear Beetle. He said he was on fire. Robin said maybe they need a little time between his visits.
Howard said he's still amazed that his Tweets are making the news. He had a news report about it. Howard played the clip and they were talking about what he's been Tweeting about. Howard wondered why this is such big news. He said he doesn't understand why it's that big of a story. Howard said he might be a bigger celebrity than he thinks. Robin said he might be bigger than any of them think.
Howard said he might need more respect around there. Howard played another news clip from the show where they have a super hot Asian reporter. It's on the local FOX station. Howard said she's smokin' hot. Robin hasn't seen her yet. Howard said her name is like Julie Chin or something like that. Mr. Computer said ''I'd lick her fortune cookie.''
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if JD should give up Facebook and just go to Twitter. Howard asked Mr. computer what's better. He said ''Twitter.'' Benjy said that's not good for JD. He said it's great to get known but a random girl can't email him. He said he thinks that Facebook is still the one to use. JD came in and said that you can look up girls on Facebook after getting Tweets from them. JD was cracking up as he talked about that. JD said he likes Twitter better for expressing funny thoughts.
Howard said there's a guy on the phone claiming to be Chet Haze. Howard said he's not sure if it's really him. He picked up and said he knows it's not him. Howard said he sounded too much like a black guy. The guy didn't know when his father's birthday was so Howard bailed on the call.
Robin read a story about how CBS wants Katie Couric to stick around. Howard played his computer voice saying ''I would eat Katie's pussy.'' That cracked Fred up. Mr. Computer said ''She should show beaver.'' Howard's Mrs. Computer said that Robin should fuck Chet Haze. Howard said he thinks that Katie should stay because she's damaged by her low ratings. Robin said that CBS wants her to take a pay cut. Howard said he's not sure she has anywhere else to go.
Robin read a story about this IBM computer called Watson that's going to take on some people in Jeopardy next week. Howard said you can play the computer on the internet. Robin read some details about that computer and how they think that it can win. Howard said he almost beat it.
Robin read a story about a man who thought he had run up a tree to avoid some pumas but it turned out he was drunk and didn't see anything. They were just a figment of his imagination. Howard had his computer tell Robin that they had to go to break after that.
During the break Howard asked Jason if he's not sleeping with his wife anymore. Jason said that the cat and dog take up some room on the bed so sometimes his wife goes off to sleep somewhere else. That's all there was to that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard had Robin get back to her news. Howard had a few computer generated comments to make before she did though. Robin read a story about Kevin Smith and how he's lost 65 pounds. Howard said that he saw that on the Joy Behar clip. Howard mentioned that Robin is going to be hosting that show tonight. Robin read more about the Kevin Smith interview and how he lost the weight after he was kicked off a plane last year over his weight. Robin said he has mixed feelings about losing the weight though.
Robin said that Gabrielle Giffords is well enough to ask for toast for breakfast now. Howard said that's nothing, he's having a turkey burger. Howard said it's actually a miracle that she can even eat toast after what she went through. Howard said he's not sure they should keep giving these updates though. He said she's going to have to wake up and eat toast again. Robin read more about what she's going through in her recovery. Howard said if he was her husband there's no way he'd go into space. Robin said that he's been talking about how she's eating 3 meals a day even though it's hospital food.
Howard said he actually loves institutional food like that. He said that it's bland and he likes it that way. He said he went to Boston University and he loved the food they served there. He thought it was great and it was free. He used to love mixing meatballs from one can into Chef Boyardee stuff.
Robin read a story about Black HIV awareness day that was actually on Monday. Robin had some audio of a man talking about that.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan and her court case. Howard said he says there's no way that necklace is wroth $2,500. Howard said that looks like a $10 necklace. Robin said that this judge appears to be glad to have a celebrity in his court room. Robin said he's already talking about her. Robin had some audio of him telling her not to push her luck because he will put her in jail. Robin said he's talking down to her and giving her advice. She said that this case probably would have gone quicker if he didn't have the cameras in the courtroom. Howard said that this girl just can't pull it together. He said he's not sure what she can do to get out of all of this trouble.
Robin read a story about Ted Williams the golden voiced homeless man. Robin said that he's living in a sober house right now and he's saying that he won't blow this second chance. He was calling into the Dr. Phil show and he felt like he was using him for ratings.
Robin read about how the Obama family is not on Facebook because of White House Security concerns. Robin had some audio of Michelle Obama talking about some other stuff. Howard read a live commercial a short time later. Robin had some more Michelle Obama audio clips to play after that.
Robin read a story about a health care parity law that's going into effect. Robin had some audio of a woman explaining that. The woman said it makes it easier for people to get help for mental health care.
Robin read a story about a little league coach that was accused of molesting kids on his team. Robin said he passed out in the courtroom in his arraignment yesterday. Robin said he's been accused of touching 3 boys aged 13-16. Robin had some audio of the District Attorney asking for other victims to step forward. Robin said they're searching video tapes to find out if he taped them. Howard said that guy sounds like Henry Kissinger. He did an impression of him for a minute.
Robin read a story about a lunch that was held at the White House. She had some audio of some people talking about that too. Robin read about how President Obama's approval ratings is up a little bit right now.
Robin had some audio of General Patreus talking about what's going on over in Afghanistan. Howard spent a short time talking about what he's heard about what they're doing over there.
Robin had some audio from last night's American Idol. She had Howard play those quickly and then Howard did another live commercial read.
Robin had some audio of U2 to play. She did that so she could do a story about the Spider-Man Broadway musical and how they're saying that the reviewers just aren't real reviewers for coming out with their reviews before the show opens.
Robin read about how Miley Cyrus has done an interview with Marie Claire about her Salvia smoking video that got out. She said that it was a mistake and she's apologizing for what she did.
Robin read a story about how Charlie Sheen's image hasn't been hurt by this latest incident. People don't want him to leave his show and they're more sympathetic for him now. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon and Gary also talked about Robin hosting the Joy Behar show tonight. They talked about who Robin is going to be interviewing and paneling with.
Jon went through some other stuff they were going to cover and brought up Gary's committee meeting. Gary said that he knows people think he should have told them to go fuck themselves but he felt that it was taking the whole thing off track from what he was supposed to do. He said he went to volunteer, not to defend the show. He said he did that as little as he had to. Gary said he thinks that they were trying to bait him into doing it.
Benjy said he supports Gary and he thinks he's sincere about it. He said he would even vote for him if he could. Gary said it's not a vote, it's a volunteer thing. Benjy said he's not sure if Gary could get into some trouble if he has some kind of scandal. Gary said that he can't pass anything on his own and he has no vote in that so he's not sure why it would be a problem. Benjy said that the woman may have thought that Gary working with Howard is something that could get them some bad press for the town or something. Benjy said he disagrees with her but he's just trying to figure out her point of view. Gary argued with Benjy's thoughts on that and said he doesn't think it would be a problem.
Jon moved on to talk about Howard and Fred playing with the computer voices. Gary said he took his laptop off his desk and tried to make that work. He said they don't even have an Ethernet cable in the studio so they had to run it through the hall. He said they did it as quickly as they could but it'll be better by the time they get back.
Jon said that Steve Langford was in so he wanted to ask him what he thought about the woman asking Gary the questions at that meeting the other night. Steve said you know that you're going to have someone who is going to raises their hand and say that the show is terrible. Steve said he couldn't want to go to this meeting. He said that it was in the paper last week and that's how they found out about it. Gary said he knew that Steve was salivating when he got the call from him. Steve said this is the kind of stuff that he loves to report on. He said that he was siting there thinking about what a great story it was going to be. Gary said he's glad that Steve was there getting it all on tape. Steve said that he thought that Gary should have defended the show more but he was right to avoid talking about it and not get caught up in it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that this woman was trying to discredit Gary's life and it has nothing to do with what he's trying to do. He said it's really a non-story though. Gary said he thinks that she did have an agenda. He said she had transcripts of the show and she wanted to read through them. Gary said he told her he wasn't going to do that.
The caller also complained about Robin and her agenda with the food thing. He said that she went on that crazy diet after she got bashed in that roast they did on the show. Gary said that she really did take it hard that day. It was the Gary roast but Robin took a lot of shit that day. Gary said it could have had something to do with it but it wasn't the only thing. They had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Kevin Smith thing and he said he can't believe that they wouldn't be interested in a Kevin Smith interview. The guy said Howard is thinking about Alyssa Milano but not Kevin Smith. Gary said that Alyssa is on a hit series and she's still relevant. Gary told the guy to mention Kevin's hit movies. The guy rattled off some movies and said that Red State is getting great reviews. Gary said it's getting bad reviews. Jason said the same thing.
Gary said he's not trashing Kevin Smith but his fans are so passionate that it's obvious to them why he should be on. Gary said they did have him on in the past. Jason said that Kevin isn't hot right now and if he had a movie that was generating buzz then maybe they would have him on.
Benjy said he loves Kevin Smith and he knows him more from his Podcast than anything else. Jon said he's a fan too. Gary asked if they should have had him on. Jon said he thinks they should because he hasn't been on in a while. Benjy said they do turn down a lot of people and it's not personal. Gary said that's right. Gary said they turned down Kevin privately and he was the one who made it public. Benjy asked if it was a permanent shutdown. Gary said it wasn't. He said that they probably could have crow barred him into the show yesterday but he's not the kind of guest you do that with.
Jon took a call from Lilly the frequent caller who said that she thinks what Gary is doing is very tough. Jason thinks that everyone from his town should go and support Gary at these meetings. Gary said he'd rather lay low on that. He didn't even want to say where he lives.
Jon took another call from a fan who said he's in favor of having Kevin Smith on the show. The caller said that they have other people who are bigger but he thinks they should have him on. Gary said that Regis and Kelly have 2 or 3 guests a day and Howard only puts on who he thinks is interesting. He said that something that grabs Howard could be a celebrity that's not that big. Gary said they turned down Jeff Daniels the say that ''Dumb and Dumber'' was number one at the movies. He said that his publicist called in and said they couldn't believe they had on Melrose Larry Green instead of Jeff. That's just the way Howard likes to do the show. Jason said that Kevin Smith is not a big deal anymore and he's just barely holding on to Hollywood.
the guys also asked Jason about his wife leaving the bed so the pets can sleep in there. Jason said he likes the animals in the bed but he would prefer it if his wife stayed in there. He said she'd like to keep them out of the room if they move somewhere else. Benjy asked if they're still having sex. Jason said they do it a couple of times a week. He's not sure that she wants him talking about this. He said they do it in the bedroom too but he gets the dog and the cat out of the room when they do.
Benjy asked what takes longer, the sex or getting the pets out. Jason said he's exhausted after getting the pets out of there so he's ready to get it over with after that.
Jon got back to the real Mario Lopez and talked about some of the stuff Mario revealed today. They talked about the bachelor party thing that he went over with Howard. They took another break a short time later.
Jon brought up some of the names of the girls Mario was with. Gary said that he's heard better lists from Wilmer Valderama and Scott Baio. Jason said he got Fergie though. Jason said that's pretty cool.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Mario or Wilmer were better interviews. Gary said that they were both phenomenal. Jason said that Mario was more polished but they were both good. He said that Wilmer's was better in his opinion.
Benjy said that Will was telling him that Mario wasn't going to be able to talk about that stuff because he has a children's book out. Gary said he took it all though and he went through it. He thinks that Mario knew what coming on the show was all about.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if any of these revelations had come out before or was it all new and will it be in the news. Gary said Will would know that. He said that Will does the research. Gary said that he thinks that it may come out in the news next week.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she was surprised that Howard didn't ask anything about Mario doing the show with Danny Bonaduce a few years ago. Jason said it came up twice. Gary said there's not much to ask. They did talk about Dick Clark though.
Jon picked up on Lilly again. She told Gary she's very proud of him. She also said that she thinks Benjy and JD and Jon are delicious. She also said that she thinks that Jason looks more like Scott Baio more than Mario Lopez. Benjy said he sees Mario Lopez, Mitch Fatel and Ben Barto.
Benjy asked if he could call her off the air sometime. She said sure to that but Gary told her that it was just Benjy asking, not the rest of them. Lilly said that she thinks Benjy is a mench. She also thinks JD is scrumptious too.
Lilly said she wants to talk about Howard on Letterman. She said that he was brilliant. She said Howard raises the bar every time he's on. She said they will be talked about for years to come. She said she's in love with him. Gary said he agrees with everything but being in love with him. Gary said that was a great interview and he really did knock it out of the park.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the pets being in bed and if he thinks that the cat dander is getting on their privates and stuff. Jason said they don't let them lay on the sheets. They have to lay on top of the comforter. Jason said that he'd let them go anywhere they want but his wife won't let that happen.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Kevin Smith would be a great guest. He said that he's not surprised why they don't want to be involved with Gary up where he lives. He said that the show is an embarrassment to them. Gary said he already got the position. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:30am.