|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their week long vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about how he has people monitoring Robin's Twitter account. He said it's funny to him that her tweet was about finding out about Steve Jobs days after his death. Robin said she wasn't reading papers and it wasn't front page news in England where she was. Howard said she didn't know he was dead for 3 days. Robin said she was busy over there. Howard said he can't believe what he's hearing. Robin said a lot of people couldn't believe it. Robin said she had no idea.
Howard said he's a big Steve Jobs fan and he had a weird reaction to his death. Howard said Stanley Crouch said something about him being genius and how there aren't a lot of great inventors today. Howard said he felt that Steve was a brilliant marketer and he envisioned the world in an artistic way. He said he had some great quotes too. He said that Steve said that it was up to them to come up with things that consumers want and don't even know they want.
Howard said Stanley compared Steve to Thomas Edison. He said he thinks that's a good match up. Howard said this guy was involved with Pixar and he made more money off of that than he did at Apple. Howard said he thinks that he's the biggest stock owner of Disney. He wasn't sure about that. Robin said they peg him at being worth about 6.5 billion or more. Robin said they say that Thomas Edison was a great inventor but not a very good businessman. Robin said he would invent something and get bored with it and then people would come along and perfect it and make money off of it.
Howard said he reads about Bill Gates and doesn't get the same feeling about him. He said he feels that he took the Windows format and just bought it from IBM. He took that and marketed it better than Apple did. Howard said he got 95 percent of computer owners. Howard said he doesn't see them coming out with anything new. He said he feels that Steve Jobs had this vision. He said he touches the glass on an iPad and it's amazing. Robin said they thought about using plastic and Steve made them create it in glass.
Howard said they say that Steve was mean to his employees but a lot of people get disgruntled when you have a company that big. Howard said a lot of people don't want to work and that leads to them getting angry.
Howard said he was pinching pictures on his iPad and he loves that you can do that to zoom in on a picture. He said these things will only get better too. Robin said he created the iPod too and everyone copied them on that. Robin said they created iTunes and everyone was able to download the music they wanted.
Howard didn't know if Steve was a smoker or not. Robin said he was a health nut. Robin said he was into organic food when he was in college. Robin said he believed that diet was everything. Howard said he must have had a genetic thing. Howard said there are such pollutants out there. He said he walked into a room and smelled chemicals and that stuff has to get to you.
Howard said someone died where they were spraying for bedbugs. He said the stuff is supposed to be safe but this guy dropped dead. Howard said this cancer stuff is unavoidable. Howard said he found out that lighting a fire in a fireplace is like smoking 80 packs of cigarettes a day. Howard said he's essentially smoking 80 packs a day. He said they're going to get cancer from that instead of smoking.
Howard said Steve Jobs was an incredible guy. He said he had billions and he could have stopped working but he loved working. Howard said most guys would quit. Howard said if this guy had 20 or 30 more years there's no telling what else he would have dreamed up. Howard said he was saying they need to keep this guy alive. Robin said it's too bad he wasn't able to come up with a cure for his own problem. Howard said his thing was computers.
Howard said this guy came up with so much of the stuff that is part of his entertainment these days. Howard said he uses his iPhone and iPad and he loves them. He said he's been watching Fringe on his iPad. He said he just got past the episode that Eric the Midget was in. Howard said he read that the new season of the show isn't doing so well. He said he hopes it's around for a while and they have an ending for it.
Howard said he read that Steve Jobs left a 4 year plan for more products. Robin said they say he was grooming future Steve Jobs there at Apple so we'll see what happens.
Howard said he could start a school tomorrow and try to create a hundred Howard Sterns but that won't ever happen. He said that if someone takes over and isn't so open like Steve was then it's not going to happen. Robin said we were lucky that Steve came along and gave them so much stuff.
Howard said a lot happened while they were away. He said he can't remember any of it though. Robin said that Edison gave us a lot of stuff too. Howard said he's going to miss Steve. He said that people were saying that he was the last guy to be into a turtle neck shirt but he thinks that had to do with his illness. Howard said it might have been a vanity thing. He said it's like that Don Imus and the things he wears to cover up his head. He wears a cowboy hat and the tight jeans and all of that. Howard said he thinks he does that out of vanity. Howard said he used to work with the guy and he knows how vain he was.
Howard said over at NBC Don Fiorvanti told him he was giving him this Imus poster. Howard said they were making a big deal out of it and he wanted to throw up when he heard about it. Howard said they had Imus standing there in a feminine pose. He said it was like a woman. He said Imus was standing there in front of some Venetian blinds and you could see a gorgeous model behind them. Howard said she was looking at Imus. Howard said he figured that they were nuts. He said they didn't tell Imus he wasn't good looking or hot. He said no one is going to hang that in their house. Howard said he must have thrown that thing away. He said he didn't get the signed lithograph that they sold for $100.
Howard said they told him they were about having fun there at NBC. Howard said that was no fun. He said if you say you're about having fun then you're probably not fun. Gary said Ronnie says that. Howard said Ronnie isn't fun. He said it's the girls that are fun.
Howard said that there is a crisis in this country. That's why people are protesting. He said the government is out of control. He said that the Republicans are acting like Obama is the enemy. He said that their whole drive is to get him out. Howard said government used to be there to watch over the money and to make government work. He said these maniacs that are running around in the Tea Party and everyone saying we don't need government are nuts. He said that we need them for roads and the infrastructure of this country. Howard said that these guys don't want Obama to win no matter what. Howard said that there is no spirit of going to figure out how to make the country run correctly. Robin said patriotism goes out the window with people these days. Robin said we don't think about the jobs here in this country.
Howard said that we give away everything and now the unions are saying they have to reduce their rates because they can't compete. Robin said that before the unions came in everyone was being taken advantage of. The unions came in and tried to take advantage. Robin said we don't ever work together for the better of everyone.
Howard said this guy Herman Cain was talking about Mitt Romney and how he's a Mormon. Howard said someone said that being Mormon is like being in a cult. Howard said every religion is a cult. Robin said this guy was saying that they had their own guy who wrote the book and it's like they're thinking it's better to not know the guy who wrote the book. Howard said he's not sure how you can evaluate a guy based on that. He said that people goof on Tom Cruise for being a Scientologist. Howard said they believe that space aliens came here and created man or whatever. Howard said that people laugh at that but it's just as goofy as the bible. Howard said it's even more realistic to believe that aliens came here to populate the planet if you think about it. Howard asked what the difference is.
Howard said this guy Rick Perry is nuts too. He said that he should resign today. Howard said the guy used to go to this place called ''Niggerhead'' and he should have run away from that place as soon as he saw the name. Howard said he's not sure what kind of moron goes to a place like that. Howard said he's had people try to explain to him that the name is just a name. Howard said that's just not the case. Howard said even if this guy doesn't like black people you'd think that he'd think about that and how it could affect him. He said he just stares at the big rock that says ''Niggerhead'' on it and he stays there. Howard said Perry is a dummy. He said he's the world's biggest shithead. He got rid of the volunteer firemen in Texas and now they don't have anyone to fight fires.
Howard said Rick Perry doesn't sound like a reasonable guy. Howard said it sounds like he's hunting black people there. Howard said the guy is insane. He said he should be locked up in a mental institution. Howard said he is a handsome man though. He said Andrea Peyser wrote an article about looks and how no one can seem to prosecute a good looking woman. He said Casey Anthony got off because she was so hot. Howard said he doesn't know if she's guilty or innocent himself. Howard said that this other woman from Italy is another one. He said that he's not convinced that she wasn't involved in what went on over there either. Her name is Amanda Knox. Howard said she's so hot that you look at her and think that you want to fuck her. Howard said guys are all nuts.
Howard said that whole case is murky. He said if she wasn't hot then she'd be in prison and no one would care. Howard said Knox is being followed all over the place and the only reason is because she's hot. Robin said they showed her plane flying to America.
Howard said he was watching FOX news and they have a new show where they have 5 people talking about the news. They have two hot broads on the show and they're sitting there in high heels. He said that they're so hot and the show is horrible. He said they try to make jokes and they're not funny people. He said they have the hot broads sitting up front and they're showing off their legs. JD came in and told Howard who the women were. He knew their names because they were so hot. Howard said they look like goddesses. JD said it's a very good show. He said what frustrates him is that it's a bunch of people yelling at the old guy. Howard said it's all about the hot chicks. He said hot chicks rule the world.
Robin said Simon must be hopping back and forth to England. Howard said Robin is all over the place too. He said he wishes he could be that busy but he has a fear of the world. Howard said he admires Robin for going over to England. Howard said he thinks she's a little too busy but that's just his upbringing.
Howard asked the guys if they cleaned his megaphone after Tom Sizemore touched it. Gary said they used Clorox wipes on it that day. Howard said he'd like to keep it where guests can't touch it. He said that the last guy he wants to share a megaphone with is Tom Sizemore. Howard said he was a great guest but he doesn't want to catch anything.
Howard got on the megaphone and did his impression of his mother. Howard had her talking about his Grandma Rose and how her whole family was wiped out by the Nazis. Howard had her talking about how little she had and things like that. Howard said he would shit his pants after hearing all of those stories. He said his mom would tell him to go to sleep and sleep was very good. He said she'd tell him that if he wasn't feeling good he should sleep.
Howard said he went over to visit his parents yesterday. He said he brought them lunch. He said he usually brings them over to his house but now that they're getting older it's easier for him to go over there. Howard said his father needs an outlet because he loves explaining the world to people. Howard said they hung out and he just went himself. Beth didn't go. He said they love Beth though. Howard said his mom was talking about how Beth is a giver and she's a giver too. Howard said he hopes that Tom Sizemore isn't a giver.
Howard said if his mom got a hold of Robin she'd never go anywhere. Howard asked why his megaphone smells like Heidi Fleiss' vagina. Howard said that he has tried to go on vacation and he can't take it when he's there. He said he ends up complaining about things and he usually doesn't complain. He said he was on this island where the house was full of ants. Howard said he couldn't stand the room they had because it was too small and it was run down. Howard said his travel agent was the one who picked this place out. He said he saw that other people had nice accommodations. He said he was moved to a new room and he had to pack up his stuff. He said he didn't want anyone touching his stuff so he had to pack his own stuff up.
Howard said he lived in a monastery for a year and this place he was staying at was even worse. Howard said he was put in a private home at this resort and it sounded like it would be nice. Howard said it was one of these islands where he felt enclosed and safe. He said he never goes into town. He said the towns are depressing and disgusting. Howard said he reads about people going into town and never returning. Howard said he doesn't need to see different cultures. He said he drove through Harlem the other day and that was enough culture for him. Robin said there are many other cultures that he hasn't seen. Howard said he's fine with that.
Howard said they moved him into this new house and the place had ants in it too. He said he was covered in ants. He said there wasn't an inch of his body that didn't have ants on it. Howard said Beth is calling in today so they'll talk to her about this later. Robin said she will ask. She figured that Howard had one ant on him.
Howard said his clothes were covered with ants and it just wasn't relaxing. Howard said that was just the start of his ''vacation.'' Howard said they went out to eat and when they came back they had sprayed the place with god knows what. Howard said they sprayed it and you couldn't breathe. He said he probably has cancer from that trip. Howard said they sat in that room for two days like that. He said they sprayed and sprayed and the ants never went away. Howard said he wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Howard said they moved him to another place after that. He said they must have thought he was the biggest asshole on the planet. Howard said he saw the cans of what they were using and it said it wasn't safe for humans. He said that the cans say that no human beings should be near the stuff.
Howard said he and Beth were thinking about going on a vacation in December but they looked at each other and asked what they were doing. They're staying home. Howard said that's where he likes it. Robin said there are so many great places around the world. Howard said it's not so amazing to him.
Robin said you want to see things. Howard said his days of seeing things are over. He said you can't get raped or killed through a TV screen. He said he watched that movie with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston and he felt like he was visiting that place where they were.
Robin said she was watching a special about human and animal interactions. She said in 1997 or 98 there was a couple that did an animal act and it was an older guy and his wife and a younger guy. She said that the tiger ended up eating two of the three over the course of a couple of weeks.
Howard said they have Bai Ling there. He said they have to talk to her about some things. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about Siegfried and Roy and how they still have the tiger that attacked them.
Howard said Bai Ling was just on Celebrity Rehab. He said he felt bad for her talking about the way she was treated as a child. Howard said it was kind of depressing. Howard said they'll talk to her about being sober or not. Robin said that Sean Young was on Celebrity Rehab and she was on Letterman asking for a second chance in acting. Howard said he thinks it's over for her. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Bai Ling come in. Howard said he wonders if she likes Dr. Drew. Howard said she looks like a princess this morning. He said the last time she was there she said that Lady Gaga had stolen her look. Bai said that she did and she hopes that she comes on the show looking like she does this morning.
Howard asked if Bai likes Dr. Drew. She said she does like him and she said that he keeps it very professional. She said that he keeps it as a patient and doctor relationship. Howard said he wouldn't keep it like that. He'd come on to her. Howard asked if Drew gave her a physical examination. She said that he did talk to each one of them and it was just with him. Bai said she was alone with him. She said that he didn't look her over. Howard said he would want to look her over every day. Bai said that he does give a physical exam. She said that the camera was there too though.
Howard said that Bai was always in a belly shirt and things like that. He said she kept her look sexy even when she was on drugs and in rehab. Bai said that you have to show off your sensuality as a woman. Howard said she can do that but not every woman should. He said if you look like a bus driver then you shouldn't.
Bai thanked Howard for having her on for her birthday. She said she's sober now and she brought Howard a gift of a song called ''Rehab.'' Howard said he heard about this and asked her if this is something different than Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab.'' Bai said that her message is different. She said her song is about how she wants to go to rehab.
Howard asked Bai what kind of things she was into. Bai said she was a drinker. She said she did try some drugs but she's not even sure what she was doing. Howard said he'll get to her song later. Bai said that she wanted to be on Howard's show because she respects him and his fans.
Howard asked if she ever gives out her age. She said that she always feels 26 years old. She said that her agent called her once and said that he was sad because he was old. She said that she told him to just pick an age and stick to it.
Howard asked Bai if she has any films in the works. She said she does have some in post production and she's got a couple of other offers. She said this is her new life. Howard asked where she lives. Bai said she travels all over the world. Howard asked if she has a guy who supports her. She said she supports herself and she's very proud of that.
Howard asked what her biggest movie was. Bai didn't have just one. Howard asked about her being in Star Wars. She said she was in one of them and she got to work with one of the biggest icons out there, George Lucas.
Howard asked Bai about the story she told on Celebrity Rehab about being molested as a child. Bai told Howard that she had to go into the army at 14. She said that she sang and danced at that age. She said that she was drawn to the uniform. Howard said her parents should have told her that she was too young. Bai said her neighbors did tell her that. Bai said she's not even sure what happened to her parents. Howard said he's be drinking if he wasn't able to find his parents. Bai said that she would drink before doing shows in the Army and that's what would lead to these guys taking advantage of her. She said that she didn't know what was right or wrong back then. She said she was very vulnerable.
Howard asked if she was attracted to these guys. Bai said that she didn't know how to react. Bai said it was kind of confusing in her little mind. She was in the Army for 3 years and this went on for all three years. Bai said these guys would come down on the weekends and they'd be in Jeeps with dust flying behind them. Bai said that they'd pick her up and take her to their house. Bai said that she kept a diary and she'd try to keep it personal. She said that she let one guy read it and it was about how in love she was with this guy. That guy ended up reading it to everyone and she felt betrayed. Bai said she had to stop writing the diary. Howard asked if the leader would bring her in and show her his penis. She said it wasn't like that. Howard said his penis is only a half inch so he wouldn't show his off either.
Bai said that she has a Twitter @RealBaiLing. She said that someone has the ''Bai Ling'' name on there and they want her to pay money for it. A lot of money.
Howard asked Bai about what happened on Celebrity Rehab where she was out on the roof. She didn't get to tell that story. She told Howard she has a lot of fun and she can be honest on his show. She said that's why she likes coming in there.
Bai told Howard that she used to drink to hide her shyness. Howard said she's known for having a lot of nip slips. She said that's not intentional. She said everything she has is big on her and she didn't do it on purpose. Bai said she is a free spirit and she knows that it can hurt her. Howard asked if she's an A or B-cup. She said she's a B. She said she's all natural. Howard said a lot of people are saying she's not natural. She said that she's all natural. Bai said she's not drinking anymore and she's a new Bai Ling.
Howard asked if her nipples are very sensitive. Bai told Howard that she Tweets out things on her Twitter that he would like. Howard said he thinks she likes him. Bai said she does think he's very charming.
Howard asked if her nipples are sensitive. She said she's not talking about that. She kept plugging her Twitter account. Howard asked if she's very good in bed. She said she's very sensual and sexy as a woman. Howard said he pictures her being freaky and uninhibited. Bai said she thinks making love is such a beautiful thing. She said that it's healthy and beautiful. Robin asked if it's wild. Bai said she thinks that Robin is wild. Howard told her that Robin likes anal. He asked Bai if she likes that. Bai said that it's about the moment and you're not even conscious. She said that you're in a state of mind and that's what's called love Making. She said Howard is using his mind too much. Howard said his mind is going a mile a minute. He said he misses the moment.
Bai told Howard that she wants to celebrate life. She said she knew she had to stop drinking because she could have died in a Jacuzzi from drinking too much and getting too hot.
Bai told Howard why she was on the roof of the rehab place. She said she was up there for fresh air. She said it was very beautiful up there too. Bai said that she saw a lot of nice stuff up there.
Howard asked who she got along with on the show. Bai said she liked Sean Young and Dwight Gooden. Howard said that guy is very sad. He said he really ruined his life. Howard asked if she liked Amy Fisher. Bai said she didn't know much about her. Howard said Amy had too much plastic surgery. Bai said she should just let it grow naturally. Bai said that you have to eat properly and also think good thoughts to stay looking good.
Howard asked Bai if she has a boyfriend. She said she doesn't. Bai said that she was in love with a man and she got crazy. Bai said she loves men and she was obsessed with this one man. Bai said it was somebody... and she's not sure if she should say. then she said it was Lionel Richie. Howard said of course he wants to fuck her brains out. Bai said she is just good friends with him. Howard said he'd help her too. Howard said the guy wants to help her because she's adorable. Howard said she can't trust anyone with a penis. He said he'd help her too. Howard asked how sex was with Lionel. She said she's not going to talk about that. Howard asked what she was texting him. She said that she's sober now and she has a new stage open to her. She said that she is just good friends with Lionel. Howard said no guy wants to be friends with her. He said guys only want one thing from her. Howard said he would have helped her in rehab too.
Howard said he had to listen to her song. Robin asked if she liked Michael Lohan. Howard said that guy is annoying. Bai said she thinks that he's lost. She said he does have a good side of himself. She said she thinks that he could get to that good place eventually. Howard asked if any guys came on to her in rehab. She said they all had things to deal with in there so that didn't happen.
Howard asked Bai about this song she did. She said that she is trying to show that there is a good side to rehab. Howard played some of her song and gave her some plugs. You can find her at OfficialBaiLing.com. As the song was playing Bai got Howard up and danced with him. Howard said he was exhausted after the song.
Howard asked Bai if she's had sex since rehab. Bai said she's not going to talk about that and told him to Tweet her and she'll Tweet him back. Howard thanked her for coming in and started to wrap up with her. Howard said that she has to stay away from drinking. He said she gets crazy with that. He said he's happy with the new Bai Ling though. He gave her some more plugs and went to break.
Howard came back and said he has a copy of Human Centipede 2 but he's afraid to watch it. He said it's supposed to be the most disgusting movie ever. He said they banned it in England and had to edit out some stuff to get it shown there. Howard said that in this movie the guy has seen the movie ''Human Centipede'' and he gets it in his head that he's going to create the longest human centipede. Howard said he sews people from mouth to asshole. He said he wants to watch it because it will be funny to talk about but he can't bring himself to watch it. Howard said he had JD watch it instead.
JD said that he's not sure Howard can handle it. He said the movie is creepy but kind of slow in the beginning. JD said there is nudity but it's not hot. There's a lot of man ass in it. He said that this guy stapes the lips to the assholes. Howard asked if they can't get away from it. JD said he doesn't want to give away the end. He said he just uses a staple gun. Howard asked if he jerked off to it. JD said it's not that kind of movie.
JD said that you see one guy's teeth get bashed out. Howard asked how many people he kidnaps. JD said he kidnaps 12. He said some die accidentally and the guy gets upset about that. Howard asked what he does with them once he connects them. He said that the guy waits for them to shit and then he'll inject them with a liquid laxative. He said the guy jumps up and down and gets all exited once the shitting does happen.
Howard asked more about the movie and what happens. JD said that there's a woman on the front and he force feeds her. Then she shits and it starts other people eating it and shittig. Howard said it eventually becomes a living organism.
JD said the guy hammers the first girl on the head to take her in. Howard asked about the surgery and how they wake up as the human centipede. JD said that no one is knocked out. He said they all get duct taped and then he sticks them together.
JD said everything in this movie is black and white but the shit is brown. Howard asked if anyone ends up liking being a human centipede. JD said they don't. He didn't want to give away too much about the movie though.
Howard said Ralph told him to watch Transformers 3 and he tried watching it and he gave up after 30 minutes. Howard said none of it made any sense. He said the girl in the movie was hot but she was the worst actress. Howard said Brooklyn Decker was good in that Adam Sandler movie. He said she did a credible job in that movie. Gary agreed.
Howard said maybe they should have a screening for this movie. Robin said she's not sure that she can make it through much of it. Howard asked JD if he had to force himself though the movie. JD said he likes weird stuff so he was able to handle it. JD said that the teeth getting knocked out with the hammer was really crazy. He said that you could see a guy's knee tendon in one scene. He said it was crazy. Howard said he's not sure he could handle that.
Howard asked if they show tittie in the movie. JD said there is some but everyone has duct tape around their heads. JD said the guy ends up fucking the last girl in the line. That was after she shit all over the wall. Howard asked how she did that. JD said she was the last one and she had taken in liquid laxative so she shits all over the wall. JD said that you see a baby get crunched too. He said that one of the ladies that was kidnapped had a baby and she tries to run away. JD said that she had the baby in the car and it falls under the gas pedal and it gets crushed under the gas pedal. Howard asked if you see the baby come out of her. JD said yes. He said the baby was down by the pedal and she crushed it. Howard said she must have felt it down there. Robin said maybe she didn't know it was the baby. JD said she was just in a rush to get out of there so she didn't know what she was doing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw the first movie and Howard does not want to watch it. He said he got sucked into the first one and the next morning he was physically ill. He said that's how awful the movie is. Howard said he's not going to watch it. JD said he has clips if he wants to hear them. Howard said he thinks he can stomach that.
Howard said the first clip is a doctor and a mom talking. JD said the lead character never talks in the movie. Howard asked why the shot it in black and white. Howard said that's a weird decision to make the shit brown and the rest of the movie in black and white. Howard said he wants to know who made that decision.
Howard played the clip of this doctor and mom talking about the lead character in front of him. They're trying to figure out what he's doing and why he does it. Howard said that the people are talking about how he talks about doing this but the character doesn't talk. Howard said he thought that the acting sounded pretty credible. Robin said he had to be kidding.
JD said the next clip was the guy getting his teeth hammered out. Howard played that one and said it sounded like Richard and Sal. Howard was getting grossed out just hearing it. Howard played another one where the guy was stapling the mouths to asses. JD said it's like a montage. Howard said he's not watching this movie.
Howard played another one where the shitting happens. JD was laughing as Howard played the clip where the shit starts and people start eating it.
Howard asked what the guy was doing during this. JD said the guy was enjoying it and laughing. Howard played more of the clip and you can hear the guy laughing as the shit starts the chain reaction. Howard asked if it's in 3-D. JD said it's not, thank god. Howard and JD were laughing as the clip was playing. Howard said they must be making money with these movies if they're making another one. JD said he thinks they only have midnight showings right now. Howard said that's some movie. Howard said he imagines JD turning into the guy who does Human Centipede 3. Howard said they should ask some producers if they can make that movie. Howard said he'd like to be first position if JD forces them into it. He said at least he wouldn't be forced to eat Fred's shit.
Howard asked JD if the guy puts them in an order. JD said that one guy is his annoying neighbor so he does put him in a bad position.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not sure if the movie is more disturbing or the fact that JD was in his apartment watching it alone. JD said he can't watch it with a girl. Howard said he thinks JD liked it.
Another caller said this sounds like the gnarliest movie he's ever seen. He said that you can see the look on the faces of the people eating the shit and it's like they're saying ''No, no!'' Howard asked what the plan is for these people. JD said it's not that clear. He's just making them into a centipede.
JD said that this was definitely better than Transformers 3. Howard said he might agree with that. He said the movie was really bad. JD said the product placements were bad enough in that movie. Howard said he didn't care about toys coming to life. He said he doesn't get the whole thing. It doesn't make sense. Howard said he's not sure why the good robots want to protect the Earth to begin with. Howard said Shia LaBeouf is getting this hot chick and they have that McDreamy guy in the movie and she's not in love with him. Howard said he doesn't mind the robots thing but he has a hard time believing that the hot chick is in love with a guy with no job.
Howard asked JD if he's taken this girl out. JD said he has but he hasn't even kissed her. Howard asked what a girl is doing with him anyway. JD said he really didn't want to talk about it. Howard asked where he met her. JD said that he will tell him off the air but not on. Howard said he doesn't want to talk to him off the air. JD said he's not going to say how he met her. She's not much of a fan of the show. Howard asked more questions but JD kept saying he didn't know and he had to leave.
Howard asked why it's so complicated with the guys he works with. Howard said he sees some shitting on the wall happening. Howard said he heard that Sal made an asshole out of himself at the Ronnie's Block Party show. He said he had a lot to get to after the break.
Howard came back and talked about how beautiful that music was. Howard said that was Van Halen with Sammy Hagar. Howard said he heard that they're back in the studio with David Lee Roth. Robin said she heard that too.
Howard had his wife, Beth, on the phone. He said she's going to Pittsburgh for a charity thing she's doing. Beth also mentioned that Howard shot her for the cover of Whirl Magazine. Howard said he retweeted some pictures of Beth that he shot of her. He said they're tasteful nudes and lingerie pictures. Beth said it wasn't lingerie. Howard said he thought it was but Beth said it was a dress without a lining. Howard said he was busy hounding her to take pictures. Beth said it was every day he was doing that. Howard said he tweeted out a shot of a picture of Beth with him in it. Howard said people thought that he made a mistake with him in the picture like he had made a mistake. Beth said that everyone was very complimentary about his pictures when she tweeted them.
Beth told Robin to please take some pictures with Howard. She said he needs another subject. Beth said she loves some of the shots that Howard took. Howard said some of them are very artistic. The Howard TV guys showed some of the shots. Howard said he spent a lot of time with his teacher over vacation. He said he teaches all over the country and he has to book him in advance.
Howard said the guy is a great guy and he's fond of him. He said he's appreciative of what he's taught him.
Howard said that he shot the cover of Whirl and he also did a charity thing. He shot a calendar for North Shore Animal League. Beth said they're not up to that yet. You can reserve one at AnimalLeague.org. Howard said his wife is so sexy. Beth said she is to him. Howard said she has to be sexy to everyone. Howard said he knows he's in love with his wife because every picture of her is sexy. Beth said that she's feeling her age these days. Howard said that makes her more vulnerable to his advances. Beth said she's getting wrinkles in her forehead. Beth said she wants Robin to look at her and tell her if she needs Botox. Howard said she's not getting Botox. She said she would consider it.
Howard told Beth to discuss her latest massage incident. Beth said she was at a nail salon in the city and they will massage your back while you get your nails done. Beth said this was a Korean woman who asked her to go back into the hallway. She said she went into the hallway and got into the contraption and the woman asked if she minded. She said it was fine and then she took her shirt off. Beth said that she unhooked her bra. Beth said she didn't think much of it and then she started massaging her breasts. Beth said she didn't stop her either. Howard said Beth is like Little Annie Fanny in Playboy. Howard said that she doesn't know that it's wrong to take your top off. Howard said that's just not right.
Beth said that one of the little guys was there talking to her as she was doing it. Howard said she never told him that. Howard asked if the guy was watching her topless. Beth said she doesn't know if he even cared. Beth said it did feel good. Howard asked if she rubbed her nipples. Beth said it was just on the sides. She said she didn't try to do anything else. It wasn't like that.
Howard said Beth is like a sexual dynamo. Howard said wherever she goes they do this kind of stuff. Howard said she should have stopped her and said only her husband gets to do it.
Beth said she's going out to Pittsburgh and she's going to be promoting the Whirl magazine cover and a charity out there. She said there are tickets available to the event. She said that she has some friends who are going to flying out there to do the show. She said she's really excited about it. Beth said that her friend Eddie Ift will be out there doing the show.
Beth said they have a picture up for silent auction and they're going to open that up to all of the listeners. Beth said you can find out more at WhirlMagazine.com. You can get tickets at ShowClicks.com
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about what happened to Beth in the massage parlor. Robin said that's just wrong. She said that taking her to the back room was wrong. Beth said she thinks that it's turning Howard on and once he meets her he won't be so turned on. Howard said that Beth doesn't see it as inappropriate. Beth said it was weird. She said she told Howard that she had just had the weirdest experience. Howard asked if she's had other experiences like this. Beth said that she told Howard about the Brazilian thing. She said no other things have happened like that. Beth said that's it and they're together every second.
Howard asked if she would have left if a guy had done it. Beth said she wouldn't have gone to the alleyway if it was a guy. Howard said he has to lock Beth up. He said things are getting too weird.
Beth said that they just celebrated their third anniversary. Howard said they're very happy and he's a great guy. Howard said they both like to stay home. Beth said Howard is the one who likes to do nothing. Howard said Beth canceled their vacation. Beth said that some of the animals aren't doing too well so that's why she canceled. Howard said he thought she just liked staying home.
Howard said he and Beth have to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight. He said that Beth is leaving tomorrow. Howard said that he fast forwards through Rikki Lake because he doesn't like to see heavy set people. He said that Nancy Grace is the same. He said they're not attractive so he fast forwards through them. Howard said he watches some of the guys. He said he likes any show where people are being evaluated. Howard said he bets that if Nancy Grace goes to the nail salon they don't take off her shirt. Howard said that he hears that Nancy Grace is one of these people who yells at everyone on her show. He said she's the nicest person on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said to sum up Beth is going to Pittsburgh for Wednesday night and she'll be at this Animal Friends charity event and you can find out more at WhirlMagazine.com. Howard let Beth go a short time later. Howard said he loves her and Beth said she loves Howard. Howard said he calls her ''sweet angel'' all day long. Beth said he does and they are very romantic.
Howard said he wishes Robin had a marriage like he has. He said he prays every night for her to get that some day. He said he hasn't given up yet. He said as soon as Tyra breaks up with that guy she's with, he's setting her up.
Howard said he knows Ashton and Demi and he called Jimmy Kimmel to find out if he knew anything. Howard said Jimmy didn't know anything and asked if he was a woman asking for gossip like that. Howard said he read that Ashton and Demi have a pact where they can fool around with other people. He said he thinks it was in Us Magazine or People. He said a lot of Hollywood people have that. He said he thinks that maybe both of them were fucking around and maybe Demi was with some girls or something. He said this is just his fantasy. He said he feels he has an intuition. He said he thinks that Ashton picked a few who went to the press and it embarrassed Demi. He said that might be why they're calling it off.
Mariann said that she Tweeted Robin about Steve Jobs death and she couldn't believe that she didn't find out for days. Howard said it is pretty shocking. Gary said that they did have the story on the cover of newspapers over there in England. Robin was claiming that they didn't have it in the news over there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Robin special was great last week. He said he loved Billy West doing a lot of the voices he did. Howard said he thinks Billy is still mad at him but he loves Billy. The caller said that Howard did some great stuff with Gilbert too. They talked about that for a minute before Howard moved on.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he saw the Whirl Magazine cover. He thought it was really good. Howard said he loves learning this photography thing. He said they asked him to do the cover and the inside shoot for Whirl. He said that he went out and scouted out some locations to shoot at. He said they gave him about 10 pages in the magazine. He said he took it very seriously and he's proud of it.
Shuli came in and said that he's imagining Howard taking a call and telling people that he's out scouting locations. He found that funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Human Centipede discussion they had and told Howard that it was disgusting. That led to the guys goofing on JD for saying that the movie was like Schindler's List since it was black and white with just one color in it. Howard said JD wants to be a director but he's never going to be one if he doesn't make a movie. Howard said he hasn't even attempted to do anything in that field.
Shuli said he did that one film festival movie about Ronnie. Fred was doing his impression of JD directing a movie and mumbling his way through it.
Howard said Ronnie is doing these appearances now and now he's in them with Shuli. Howard said Ronnie's role is to introduce the comedians. Howard said Ronnie will get up and he wants to be the life of the party. Shuli said he has a good energy. Howard said he has nothing to say but obscenities. Howard said he hasn't gotten any better. Shuli said that he has gotten better but he does still curse.
Howard said that someone in the audience tells him he's terrible and Ronnie gets in the guy's face and says he can leave. Howard said the guy could have popped him right in the face. Ronnie said the guy kept saying he fucking sucks so he told him he could leave if he wanted to. Howard said this is such a disaster. Shuli said that's how he promotes it too. Howard said the show is worse than Human Centipede. Howard said it's not fun to watch Ronnie yelling at people. Ronnie said he's not a comedian. He's just there to introduce the guys.
Howard wanted some audio of Ronnie alone but he didn't have any. Howard said Sal came out to the show and he got up on stage and told Ronnie he sucks. Shuli said that Sal was just there to support them and he kept saying he wasn't going to do any comedy. Shuli said Sal was drinking heavily there and he was drinking like there was no tomorrow. Shuli said that he told Sal to do 2 minutes up on stage. He ended up doing 9 minutes and 3 minutes in he dropped ''wetback'' and ''cunt'' and the N-word. He said that Sal was loaded and the fans were digging it. He said Sal was killing and the audience loved him. He said he got off stage and Ronnie said something about him so Sal got back up and started arguing with Ronnie.
Howard said Sal was screaming and Ronnie was fighting with Sal over it. He said the audience started screaming about how much Ronnie sucks. Howard said Sal shouldn't have done this to Ronnie. He was turning the whole audience against him.
Sal said that he didn't want to do any time on stage. He said that Ronnie told him to get out of there and told him he wasn't going to do anything. Sal said he has it on video but Ronnie denied saying any of that. Ronnie said he can't listen to this guy. Howard asked what happened then. Ronnie said that's all fine. Sal said he had a great time there.
Sal said he was hanging out at the bar having a good time. Ronnie said that Sal can tell his lies today, on the Italian Columbus day. Sal said he got there and Ronnie told him he wasn't going to do time on stage so he went to the bar and drank. He said that Ronnie kept saying that he was only giving him 5 minutes. Ronnie said that he was breaking balls like Sal does all the time. Ronnie said he didn't pull him off the stage. Shuli said it was more than 3 minutes. Sal said he said goodbye and the audience was upset he got off stage. He said that Ronnie yelled at him so he was breaking his balls right back.
Howard said then Shuli follows this fiasco. He said Shuli was out there doing his thing and Sal was talking so loud that he could be heard on stage. Shuli said he had to yell at Sal from the stage. He said he could hear a room full of people chatting and it was Sal. Shuli said that he told Sal to go into the bar and talk if he's going to do that. Howard said Sal goes to the bar and drinks even more. He then starts to vomit violently. He puked on Gange's jacket and on some customers that were there. Howard said Sal was vomiting and the audience was watching that going on.
Shuli said Scott got on the microphone and said they had breaking news. Shuli said that it was like a madhouse in there. Shuli said Scott made the announcement and everyone turned around to look so he just ended his set. He had nothing to end it with.
Howard said the tape is disgusting. He played the audio of Sal drinking and then he starts to vomit. Then it just comes out. He ended up puking on someone's jacket there and everyone was freaking out.
Sal said that Ronnie is really entertaining and he doesn't know why he has to rip him to shreds. Shuli said that Scott didn't want to dance through the audience like he has done in the past. Ronnie said he didn't want to look like an idiot in front of his friends. Ronnie said they do a dance contest thing. Shuli said they have two grown men doing freeze dance bits on stage and he's busy writing jokes.
Howard asked why they have Scott there. Ronnie said that it's Shuli's show. Howard asked Shuli why he has him there. Shuli said he's in amazement when he walks up to him at the end of the show with his hand out, and a straight face, asking for his money. Howard asked what he has to give him for a show. Shuli said it's good money and it's more than the comedians get. Shuli said that the comedians that show up make less than what Scott and Ronnie make. Sal said he didn't take a penny.
Shuli said that Howard has to see these Meet and Greet's. He said that the people meet them but that's it. They meet people and then they have no idea what else to do. Howard said people pay an additional $35 to meet them. Howard said that the economy must be doing okay if that's what people are paying.
Gange came in and said that Scott eats the whole time during the Meet and Greet. He said that he doesn't stop for a minute. Gange said that Scott had to wipe his hands to shake hands with the people he was meeting. He said Ronnie will mingle but Scott just eats and doesn't mingle.
Scott came in and said that he showed up on time. He said the rest of them showed up late. Ronnie said that Scott left angry and left before he got paid. Scott said he had to come to work the next day. He said the show was over and he had to come to work. Scott said that he wasn't able to find Shuli. Shuli said he was on stage. Howard said if he was meeting people for $35 he would put his food aside. Scott said the people were very nice and he did take pictures. Shuli said that he didn't have to stay long but he should have stuck around for a few minutes. Howard said he heard that Scott's wife was there and that's why he had to leave. Scott said she was there but that's not the reason he left. Ronnie said he thinks that his wife got upset with him because he picked out his friends and thanked them for ruining the start of the show because Scott didn't do his dance.
Scott said he changed up what he does at the start of the show. Howard asked Scott why he didn't just eat first and not eat while he's doing the meet and greet. Scott said he was trying to get his phone set up there. He said it wasn't a big deal. Scott said he wasn't eating for the whole hour either.
Howard said Ronnie is saying he wants to change the show. Scott thinks that means he's out. Ronnie said that he never said Scott was out. He said Shuli tells him that they should keep it the same because it's a train wreck.
Howard said he was told to ask Ronnie how he says ''Gnocchi.'' Ronnie said it and Gange said that he was told that he didn't know how to say it. Ronnie said that Gange is a dick.
Scott's wife, Robin Salem, called in and said that the show stunk. She said that she didn't give a shit about what Ronnie did. She said that Ronnie does nothing on stage. Shuli said that they should replace Scott with his wife. Robin S. said that Ronnie doesn't speak properly. She said that she also kissed Ronnie hello and goodbye.
Ronnie said he doesn't get along with her. Robin S. said that he's an asshole. Ronnie said he'll get started then. He said he knew that she didn't like him. Ronnie said they didn't call her up on stage either. She ran up there when they said that she was there. Ronnie said that she sat there with a mean mug on her face the whole night. Ronnie said she's an angry woman and she shouldn't get started with him. Ronnie said that she's starting with the wrong person.
Howard said he didn't know there was bad blood between Robin S. and Ronnie. Ronnie said she wouldn't even come out to the car and say hello to him down in Atlantic City. Robin S. was trying to talk but Ronnie was talking over her. Robin S. said that was Ronnie's bit. She said she didn't have to come out. Ronnie said that she never walked out. He said she peeked out to look out. Ronnie said she didn't want to see Rachel so that's why she didn't come out.
Robin S. said that Ronnie lost his wife and now he's dating a young chippie. She said she didn't want to come out to see him. Howard said she does have it in for him then. Howard asked Scott if he knew there was bad blood there. Scott said he had no idea.
Robin S. said that she doesn't know Ronnie and he's not a friend. She said that she went out with him once with his wife and that was it. Howard said Ronnie must have been charming. Howard said he didn't know any of this. Robin (Quivers) said she didn't know either.
Robin S. said that Ronnie is the dredge of the earth to her. She said she would never hang out with a guy like that. She said he's class less. Howard asked if Scott can hang out with Ronnie. She said that he can hang out any time. She said they go bowling all the time. Ronnie said that she has been invited out and she never comes.
Howard asked Scott why he was looking at him and not saying anything. Scott said he didn't want anything. Howard said there are times when the wife doesn't like the husband's friends. Robin S. said that she likes Sal and she likes Shuli. Ronnie said that she thought Sal was disgusting that night. Ronnie said she was disgusted when Sal threw up. She said that she wasn't even there when he threw up.
Howard thanked Robin S. for calling in. He let her go a short time later. Robin said she'd like to see Robin (Quivers) soon.
Robin said she had no idea this was happening. Howard said Ronnie has become a super star. Ronnie said he has a lot of haters outside of there.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to be part of this show. Scott said that they don't have anything scheduled right now. Scott said he's not sure that he's going to be part of anything in the future. Ronnie said he never said they were getting rid of Scott. Howard told them to sit down in front of a plate of Gnocchi and talk it over.
Ronnie said that he knows what's going to happen now. He said he's going to walk out of there and Scott won't let him in his studio. Howard asked if he's going to do that. Scott said he won't. Ronnie said that he just asked one question and that set her off about him.
Howard asked Scott if he's jealous of Ronnie's lifestyle. Scott said he's not. Howard asked if Ronnie ever comes up at home. Scott said of course he does. He said they do the show together so his name comes up. Scott said there's nothing to be jealous of either. He said he has a very beautiful wife. Howard said the Sal puking clips will be part of tomorrow's Howard TV daily show. Howard thanked Shuli and said he's sorry he had to do that. Howard read some live commercials after that.
Robin asked Howard if he was entertained by the Michael Jackson trial. Howard said he's not watching it. Robin said that Michael had a real problem falling asleep. Howard said that if you just lay there you'll eventually be able to fall asleep. Robin said that is not true. She said she's had that problem and she knows that you can't just lay there and fall asleep. Howard told her to trust him, it'll work.
Robin read about some of the stuff going on in that case. Howard said that the guy was a really strange guy. Robin said that the kids are being brought up in a weird way too. Howard had some audio of Michael speaking in a really low, slow voice where he was rambling. Robin said the doctor claims he had given him a lot of medication the night he died and he still wasn't able to sleep. Michael asked for ''the milk'' which was his pet name for the Propofol. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about a Michael Jackson tribute concert that took place in England this past week. Howard said the guy made himself so bizarre looking that you couldn't miss him. He said his face made the Human Centipede look normal. Howard said the guy didn't even look human. He said the doctors that did that to him should be on trial too.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said they should give JD a movie review segment called ''Mumbles Movie Reviews.'' He was also saying that Beth should check to see if they video taped her at that massage parlor. He said they might be using those tapes for jerk off material.
Robin read a story about 20 people who had to tread water for 20 hours. Robin said they were on a 25 foot boat and the boat capsized in rough water. Robin said one woman went under after several hours. Robin said that four were rescued.
Howard said he worries about Robin because she can't swim. Robin said she would wear a life jacket. Robin said the life jacket holds you up. She said that's how she's been surviving all this time.
Robin read about how Sony pictures has nailed down the rights to a movie about Steve Jobs' life. Robin said that the book the movie will be based on is due out later this month. They moved the release date from November to October.
Robin said that the Amazon Kindle has been updated. She asked Howard if he ordered the new iPhone. Howard said it's not out yet. Robin said she read that it's sold out already. Howard said he loves the iPhone and he thinks he's going to get one. He said that he's really broken up about Steve dying.
Howard said he missed the George Harrison movie. He said he saw part 2 of the special but it was horrible. He said that maybe the first part was good. He said he didn't see that one. Howard said Phil Spector is an odd looking guy. He said he's really messed up. Howard said they did too many interviews with people who were not of consequence. He said they didn't have enough music.
Robin mentioned that there's a book out about John Lennon. Howard said he wonders who the hell is reading these books. He has no desire to read them. Robin said she was going to go get him the book. She said she's glad she didn't. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the iPhone 4S and how it sold out already. Howard said that he will get the new OS for his phone. He said that he thinks you get the new voice operated thing with that. Gary said Jason said you only get that with the 4S. Robin read about that voice operated thing which is called Siri.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved Scott's wife Robin. He said she was feisty. Howard said she keeps Scott in line. The caller said Ronnie didn't back down. The caller said he loves Robin before Howard hung up him.
Another caller asked Robin if she's ever used her breasts to get a guy off. Howard said she has but Robin said she has never done that. Howard asked if that's true. Robin said no man has and Howard said that's probably the first thing he'd do to her. Howard asked if she's be up for it. Robin said she doesn't think she'd like it. Howard said he doesn't really think about it. He said he thinks it's humiliation and the guy wants to humiliate the woman. Robin said it doesn't sound loving. Howard said that men don't think of the woman. Robin said it didn't sound like fun for her. Howard said he's thinking of a couple of guys who might have done it to Robin. Robin said they never did it. Howard said he'd think about doing it if blow jobs, hand jobs, and intercourse were out of the question. Howard said it wouldn't feel so good for the woman unless there was lube in there. Howard said he thought Robin had said that someone had done it to her. He stands corrected.
Robin read about some people who are upset with Capitol Records for allegedly ripping them off. Howard said if he was in the record business he'd say that he was going to collect the money and then pay the record company. Howard said that Ricky Nelson's family should have taken care of it. Howard said that if they tell you they'll pay you a bonus then walk away. He said that they'll screw you no matter what. Howard said he hopes that family sticks with the court case but good luck to them. He said that the record company will do what they can to screw them.
Robin said this rally going on down on Wall Street is still going on. Howard said they asked people what they're protesting and a lot of them don't even know. Howard said it's just mass frustration. Robin said they're demanding a change. Gary asked what they want though. Robin said they're angry at the banking and many other things in this country. Robin said there are people who have to pay for their education and they don't have the money to pay for it.
Gary said Shuli was down there and it was just a bunch of trash and Starbucks containers all over the place. Howard said that the whole agenda for the government is to get the other side out of office. He said people have had it. He said people are out of work and they want jobs. Howard said there are people screaming for less government and that's not going to work. Robin had some audio of a protester who had some thoughts on what was going on down there. Robin also had some audio of Herman Cain talking about that.
Robin read about some stuff going on today since it was Columbus Day. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Sarah Palin announcing that she was not going to be running for President. Howard said on Saturday Night Live they said she backed out because she felt that the 2 year term was too long. Howard said he thought that was pretty funny. Howard said she's a joke. She quit her job as governor. He said she's a quitter. He said she's just going around making dumb speeches and writing books.
Howard said he got a package from Natalie Maines. He said it had a book in it and the author signed his name and said ''Without Admiration...'' Howard said he thought it was lovely getting the gift but it was like getting kissed and then punched in the head. Howard said that wasn't very nice. Howard said the guy obviously doesn't like him. Howard said maybe the guy thinks that he's the one who killed Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said it was nice of Natalie to send him a gift but that wasn't very cool of the author. Howard said he doesn't know this guy from a hole in the wall. He didn't have to attack him. He could have refused to sign it. Howard said he put the book down and didn't even look at it. Howard said he's thinking about throwing it out. He said he wishes he could talk to Natalie about it. He doesn't call anyone though. Howard said he's dying to know what that's all about. He said he's afraid that the news department is going to track him down first. Gary said he'll ask the news to back off. Howard said maybe Natalie will call in.
Robin got back to her news and read some more stories about Mitt Romney and his religion being a problem with some people. Robin said they're saying that they need a ''real Christian'' to run. Howard said they're saying it's a cult but everyone in a religion is in a cult. Howard said all religions are a cult. He said that they make up stories that you're supposed to believe. Howard said that no one can prove any of these stories.
Howard asked about the X-Factor show and how they pay $5 million to the winner. He said someone like Pat Monahan or David Lee Roth should go on the show and just win it. Howard said if he was Paula Abdul he'd get up there and start singing.
Robin read about former Weezer bassist who died at the age of 40. He was found unconscious on Saturday afternoon. Robin said that he was in town to play with the band. Robin said that the band is going to go on without him. Robin said they say he tweeted the week before that he felt he was going to die in Chicago. He was right. Robin said that they say he may have died of a heart attack. Howard said he's going to predict his own death in a tweet too.
Howard was wondering about this Nicole Scherzinger and if she was black or not. Robin said she wasn't. Fred found some information about her and said she's of Hawaiian and Philippino descent. Howard said his blackdar must be failing. He thought she was black.
Robin had some news about the new Footloose remake. Howard asked if that takes place in Iran. Robin had some audio of someone from the movie talking about it. Howard said he wants that movie to tank so bad.
Robin said that Rosie O'Donnell is returning to TV today. Howard said he thinks she's calling in this week. Robin said she's on the OWN network. Howard said they need her to do well because that network isn't doing too well. He said it's doing worse than when it was just one of Discovery's channels. Howard said Oprah took it on because she can't say no to anything. He said that she thought it was going to be a huge success. Howard said they must have spoken to Rosie because she wanted to do an issues type of show but they're not going to let her do that. Robin said her first guest is Russell Brand and the show is on tonight at 7.
Robin read about the NBA and how they're still in talks to get the season going. Robin wrapped up after that. Howard said he's still trying to digest that Nicole Scherzinger isn't black. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Gary said that this goes back like 8 or 9 years ago and Ronnie wanted to go out with Scott somewhere and they stopped going out to dinner. He said the tension has been there for years. Jon said she was calling him the dredge of the earth today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's up with Scott and why he let Ronnie trash his wife in front of millions of people. He said he would have punched him in the mouth if that was his friend. Gary said that's the way Scott is and he was letting his wife handle her own fight. Jon said Scott was standing there staring at Howard. He said Scott must have felt awkward.
Scott was in and said that he did feel awkward. He said that she was defending him and she had his back. Scott said he appreciates that. He said she's a big girl and she can speak for herself too. He said he didn't want to stop the fight because he knows Howard likes that on the air.
Benjy asked Scott who he's closer to. Scott said he's not going to answer that. Gary said Scott had a great line this morning when Howard asked him what he thinks of Ronnie and Scott said ''You heard my wife, he's an asshole.''
Gary said that there is tension between Ronnie and his wife. Scott said there is now. Gary said this guy had the story on the phone. He said it was when Scott wanted to go to NASCAR school. Jason came in and said that they were supposed to go to a race and be in the pit and Scott had to back out at the last minute. Ronnie blamed Scott's wife for that. Scott said that might have been part of it.
Jason said he thinks that Ronnie had a problem with Doug Goodstein's wife on the air too. He said he thinks that he called her a bitch or something. Jon said he's not sure about that.
Scott said that he and Ronnie do a lot together. He said that his wife might think that some of his attention is being taken away from her. He said his wife likes Ronnie's girlfriend.
Scott said that he had to go to work the next morning and that's why he left that show that night. He said he stuck around for a few minutes and he left. Benjy said they say he does that at every show too. Scott said that's right. Scott said that's just his thing. Scott said that no one else had to work the next morning but he did.
Scott said his wife was defending him this morning. He said that she felt that they were treating him poorly and defended him. Jason asked if he feels that she's going to get upset with him for not backing her up in that fight. Scott said that he wouldn't have been able to get a word in. Gary said she was holding her own. Jon said she didn't hold back with Ronnie.
Benjy said he likes Scott's wife a lot. He said that she did take the stronger dig with Ronnie. He said that she called Stephanie a ''chippie'' but he's not even sure what that means. Gary said it's not like calling her a whore or anything. Jason said it's kind of derogatory. Benjy said maybe they can look it up in a dictionary or something. Gary looked it up online and said that they do say that it can mean ''prostitute'' or something.
Jon asked Scott if he's going to hang out with Ronnie less. Scott said he doesn't want it to keep him from doing that. He said they have professional things to do.
Gary said that ''chippie'' can mean prostitute. Jason said she basically called her a whore then. Gary said he guesses so.
Captain Janks called in and asked Scott why he didn't defend his wife. Scott said she did a good job on her own today. Jason said he thinks that Scott is going to come in tomorrow angry because his wife will tell him what he did wrong.
Ronnie came in so Gary asked him what he thinks the word chippie means. Ronnie said that it means a young woman. That was it.
Ronnie said he's not mad at Scott at all. He knows he's going to catch shit when he goes home though. Scott said he's not sure why they think he's going to catch shit. He doesn't think that's going to happen.
Ronnie said that Scott's wife thought the show sucked and he doesn't agree with her. Scott said he disagrees with her on that too.
Jon asked what the ride home was like that night. Scott said that his wife thought Sal and Shuli were funny and she thought Mad Dog was funny too. The guys asked if she said anything about Ronnie. Scott said that she did say that Ronnie can be a little rough at times. Ronnie said he felt that she was annoyed that Scott didn't do his dance and he pointed those people out in the crowd.
Ralph called in and said that Scott's wife can be very confrontational. He said that he went to Jon Hein's daughter's Bat Mitzvah and Scott's wife started yelling at him over something he said about their dog. He said that he wanted to say ''fuck you'' to her because she attacked him at the party. He said that she always seems to be mad at something. Ralph wondered why he would bring her to the show because she seems to be a bummer. Scott asked why he wouldn't bring her.
Ralph asked Ronnie how his ''chippie'' is doing. He thought it was kind of funny because it's such an old term.
Richie Wilson called in and said there was a confrontation between his fiancee, Rachel Fine, and Scott's wife. He said that Rachel touched Scott's arm and Scott's wife came up and said ''We do not touch!'' and got all angry. He said they had to hide in the car once when they went to Atlantic City so Scott's wife wouldn't see her in the car. Richie said it's like his wife thinks that they were having an affair. He said they also tweeted out a picture of Rachel and Stephanie in their bikinis and Scott freaked out about that too.
Gary asked if his wife over reacted or what. Scott said that he didn't think Rachel did anything wrong. Gary said he feels like they're beating him up. They went to break a short time later.
Scott said that he had to straighten something gout. He said that they hid Rachel on the way home from Atlantic City, not on the way down. He said he wanted to be clear on that.
Shuli said he thinks that Scott and Ronnie can have a conversation just staring at each other. He said it's weird but true.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that you don't run your mouth with a friend's wife. He said that you get him into trouble that way. He said that he's not your friend if you do that. Ronnie said he's not going to stand there and be called class less. He said that he's the wrong guy for that. the caller said he should take care of his friend. Ronnie said he did take care of his friend. He said the caller doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Scott if there was something in his past about him cheating on her or something. Scott said that they already talked about this. The caller said it seems like he's living under the dark cloud in his marriage. He said he seems like a hard working guy and he's not sure why he takes that shit. Gary said that his wife treats him like he's Brad Pitt. Scott said that if you go back and listen to the revelation show in 2006 then you'll understand.
Ronnie said he did bring up something that may have set Robin off. He said that whenever they go out they invite Scott's wife and she never comes. He said that Scott comes alone. Gary said it sounds more like she just doesn't like Ronnie. Ronnie said that's fine but whatever.
Shuli said that Ronnie didn't throw Scott under the bus or anything. Scott said his wife did fine. Jon asked if his wife doesn't like Ronnie. Scott said apparently not. Jon wanted a confirmation. Scott said he's right, she doesn't like Ronnie. Ronnie said he didn't know it for 100 percent until just now that she doesn't like him.
Jon asked Scott if she hasn't liked him for a long time. Scott said that people do get divorced and things don't work out. He said that his wife may not like that she's a lot younger than he is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie proved he has no class by fighting with Scott's wife. Ronnie said he's not going to take any shit from anyone. He said he won't take it from any man, woman or kid. Shuli said it would have been great if he had yelled at a kid.
Jon asked Shuli about how Sal ended up on stage for 10 minutes. Shuli said he thinks it was alcohol that came out to support the show. He said he's seen Sal in that state and he doesn't think rationally. He said it didn't surprise him that it was him talking at the table that night. He said he didn't expect him to puked all over the bar but the talking thing wasn't a surprise.
Shuli said that there have been times that Sal has played ''What's in my Pouch'' after a show. Sal doesn't remember doing it. Gary said he thinks that Sal chooses not to remember it.
Ronnie said that going into a hallway in a nail salon is something he never would have done. He said when you're out of the shop alone in a hallway is kind of shady. He said that when she revealed the guy walked in that was even worse.
Benjy said he was picturing the guy giving a tip or something. Gary said they heard some of the craziest massage stories from the staff. He said Robin Radzinski told a story about a guy giving her a massage and possibly cumming in her hand. Jon said that you can tell them to stop if you want. Gary said when a woman massages another woman then you put your guard down. Gary said you don't think she's going to do anything that wrong.
Benjy asked if they think that it was innocent. Gary said it was innocent. Benjy said that some people might think the woman was getting off on it. Gary said the whole set up sounds shady to him.
Jon asked the guys if they think that Beth is getting fed up with being Howard's photography model. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they might have a new game to play. He said the intern that picked up the phone didn't know where Pensacola is. Gary said he has a guy on the staff who doesn't know where California is so he's not going to get too upset.
The caller said that Scott's wife doesn't know about Ronnie's marriage and what went wrong there. She also shouldn't worry about Ronnie's girlfriend's age. Scott said she was just expressing how she didn't agree with it.
Jon asked if Howard has found the secret for true love. Gary said that it does seem that they're doing very well but they've only been married for 3 years. He said they have been together for 7 years longer than that though.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks. Gary said Scott wasn't even thinking clearly now. He's thinking about what's going to happen when he gets home. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they had Al Roker coming in shortly. He said they also have Rosie O'Donnell calling in. Howard said he and Beth missed her new show last night. He said he should have had it on his TiVo but he's not sure if it's on there. He said he has people who can program it for him and he's not sure if they got it on there.
Howard said the reviews of Rosie's new show are very good. He said Russell Brand got a good review on the show too. Robin said she saw some of the show and Rosie was doing stand-up comedy at the start.
Howard said he has to talk to Will. He said that he has the highest IQ there but he wrote him some notes and he wrote ''Al broadcasted from the White House front lawn.'' He said that it should be ''Broadcast.'' Robin said it's correct as ''broadcasted.'' Howard said it seemed bizarre last night when he read it. Howard said that he must be wrong. Robin said Howard is wrong, Will is right.
Howard took a call from Pittsburgh Pete who said that he saw the sunrise picture that's being auctioned off. He asked if he intentionally did it at an angle. Howard said he did. He said it was a right tilt. Howard said some of his fans are real idiots. Howard said Beth tweeted a picture where she was looking in a mirror and he left himself in the frame on purpose. Howard said some of his fans wrote back that he was an idiot and he made a rookie mistake by being in the picture.
Pete said that he's not a hater and he likes the picture. Howard said he thought the shot was beautiful. Howard said someone said to him that it was very Pittsburgh and all he saw was a beautiful sunrise. Howard said Beth asked if they could auction off the picture for charity and he's fine with that. He said he shouldn't be evaluated as a photographer because he's a broadcaster. Howard said he does talk about his hobby but he's really not a real photographer.
Pete said Howard took a rare section of Pittsburgh that not many people take shots of. He said he's not trying to say anything bad. Howard said if someone likes the picture then they can buy it. The money is going to charity. Howard said he signed the picture and you can find out about it on that web site which he didn't remember the name of. (WhirlMagazine.com)
Howard said they have a good cause and they're trying to raise money for the animals being killed in shelters. Howard said he loves animals and he has 4 in his house.
Pete and Howard talked about the massage Beth got at the nail salon. Howard gave out some plugs for the charity event and Pete said he'll try to show up at it.
Pete asked Howard why everyone's teeth were so bad during the channel 9 show days. Howard said he used to have really bad teeth. He said his mother didn't understand why people carried on about teeth so she didn't do anything to help him out. Howard said his lower teeth used to bang into his upper teeth and they killed the upper teeth. Howard said his mother thought braces were dangerous. Howard said she would tell him that they would make his teeth loose and things like that. Howard said now that she's older she's at the doctor all the time and she gets so emotional about everything.
Howard said his mother got a hold of his sister and told her not to let his niece get braces. She went out and got them on her own and now she has beautiful teeth. Pete said he's not sure that they would have helped Howard. Pete said Howard's teeth were like vampire teeth.
Howard said after he saw the movie ''Private Parts'' he went to his dentist and he told him that he could do some cosmetic things for him. He said they put a cap on the bottom ones. Howard said you can barely see his teeth to begin with because his mouth is small. He said that things are crowded in there but he could have had decent teeth if he had gotten them fixed as a child. Howard said he wouldn't consider braces now. Robin said it's never too late.
Howard said on Wednesday he has to go to get his upper teeth done. He said things are shifting around so he's going in and he's getting new uppers. He said they're going to do some bonding and things in there. Howard said they don't look right. He said they're just going to fix what he has and not do something like what Gary has. Robin said that she sees Martin Scorsese sometimes and it looks like he's using someone else's teeth.
Howard said before the summer started the dentist told him he had to get this done. He said there's going to be a lot of sitting. He said he has to get adjustments and all kinds of shit. Howard said he told his dentist he doesn't care anymore. Robin said you need good teeth. He said it's all cosmetic though.
Howard said he wasn't going to do it but Beth told him he should. He said he's going to get it done because of that. He said he has to go to the dentist for 2 hours two weeks in a row. He said he has to pass the time somehow. He said he saw Ralph yesterday and asked him what he thinks about this whole thing. He said he was going to back out but Ralph told him he should do it too. Howard said he doesn't care himself but other people do. Howard said his face is a mess and fixing teeth isn't going to chance things for him.
Pete said Robin had a shaved head back in the channel 9 show days. He said their hygiene was bad. He said Robin's eyes were wacky back then too. Howard said he's crazy. Pete said they did a Sternlywed Game and Robin seemed to be uncomfortable dealing with Howard's wife. Howard didn't get that. He jokingly said that he was in the middle of an affair with Robin and that's why. Pete said he had to get going after that.
Al said that Howard should get the nitrous oxide. Howard said he's not getting anything that bad done so he doesn't need that.
Al told Howard he was playing punch ball as a kid and he slammed down face first and broke some teeth. He said he was a mess so he's had caps and the whole 9 yards. Howard said he never even had braces. Al said the greatest thing about braces is that you can find a snack or two in your mouth after lunch.
Howard said his mother had a lot of fears about things. Al said he had glasses and braces and all of that. Howard said it must have been a while before he got laid. Howard said Al is doing fine now. Al said he didn't get laid until he was a sophomore in college. Al said he was with the AV squad so it was kind of pathetic. Howard said he must have been jacking off like a jack rabbit. Al said he does wear glasses.
Al told Howard that he got to college and went right to the AV squad again. Howard asked if he had an upbeat outlook back then. Al said he was a nerd. Robin asked how he ever got laid. Al said he's not sure. Howard said he must have used chloroform. Al said it all worked out for him eventually. They talked about how Al is a pretty upbeat guy and he's been that way for his whole life. Howard said he only remembers being happy at about 5 years old. That was the last of his happiness.
Howard asked what's going on at The Today Show since Meredith Viera left. Howard said she's appearing on Dateline or something now. Al said she's still doing that on a limited basis. He said getting up at 2:30 in the morning is tough. He said that it's rough for some people but he likes getting up that early. Al said he used to get up with his father who was a bus driver. He said he'd get up when his dad would get up. Al said they lived in Queens back then. Al said that the neighborhood was mixed when they moved in but the white people quickly moved out. Howard said he saw the same thing in Roosevelt. Al said it happened over a few years but they did leave. Al said he did have some white friends back then too. They eventually moved away.
Howard asked Al about doing the weather forecasts and then going out and producing a ton of shows. Howard said he's a successful TV producer. He has Al Roker Investigates, The hidden Lives of Miss USA and a ton of other shows on a bunch of networks. Howard said he has stuff on the Food Network and Discovery and a bunch of others. Howard said he has about 50 shows and no one has seen any of them.
Al said the shows he's mentioned are done already. He said he has a new one coming out on A&E soon. That one is called ''Border Town Laredo.'' He said they cover narcotic officer stories and how they're taking down the drug cartels. Howard said the government in Mexico is so corrupt that they don't do anything to take them down themselves. Howard said we may eventually have to send troops into Mexico to take care of this stuff.
Howard asked Al if the cops are getting shot in Laredo. Al said it's actually one of the safest towns down there. Al said they do have some great stories going on down there.
Howard asked Al if he smokes weed. Al said he tried it in college but that was it. He said things got really quiet and he felt really paranoid. Al said he got afraid after Len Bias did a little coke and died. He said he figured he'd never even try that.
Howard asked Al about this show and when that's on. Al said it's on Thursday at 10pm on A&E. Al said Howard can watch it and feel really good and happy again. He pointed out that Howard is married to a very beautiful woman and he should be happy every day.
Howard asked Al if he thinks pot should be legal. Al said he's not sure about that. He said he thinks that it is a gateway drug. Robin said most of the pot is grown in this country though. Al said there is medicinal marijuana too and he's fine with that. Howard said that's a joke and he knows it.
Howard asked Al if he's for gay marriage. Al said he is. He said he doesn't identify himself as republican or democrat either. Howard asked if everyone is terrific to him. He said that Al wants everyone to love him so he has to love everyone. He asked Al who is not terrific. Al said that he's not crazy about Gaddafi. Howard asked if he doesn't like the Tea Party. Al said he doesn't agree with all of their stuff but he doesn't think they're all bad people.
Howard said Al can't let his personal views in there because he's doing the weather. Al said that he's on a news program so that is true. Al said that you can tick off half of your audience if you say the wrong things. Howard said Al has the opposite career as he does. Howard said everyone loves Al.
Howard gave Al some more plugs for a couple of shows he has coming up soon. He has ''Coast Guard Alaska'' coming to the Weather Channel soon. He also has ''Big Easy Justice'' coming up on Spike TV next year.
Howard asked Al if he has anything big coming up for himself. Al said that he has a game show in the works for NBC. He said that he hosted ''Celebrity Family Feud'' a few years ago. Howard gave Al some advice and said he shouldn't become like Richard Dawson and make the whole show about himself. He said that there were some great hosts like Gene Rayburn and others.
Al said he had a Gene Rayburn story. He said he was out with his wife one night and this guy walked past them. It turned out to be Gene. Al said he asked Gene how he was and his face crumpled. He started to cry and Gene told him that his wife had just died. He said he gave him a big hug and 6 months later he died. Al said Gene was great on the Match Game. Howard said he must have been a pretty good guy if he got that worked up about his wife dying. Howard said that the game shows are all about the game and Al has to remember that.
Howard was going to take some calls because Al had to get out of there. Al said it only took him 5 minutes to get over there but then it took 10 minutes to get into the building. He said security is really tight. Howard said that's the one thing that has been a problem there for years. He said that he had Bon Jovi there once and he had to leave because they wouldn't let him up.
King of All Blacks called in and asked if Al was married to a white woman or black. Al said she's black but he was married to a white woman at one point. He said two of his 3 wives have been black. King asked Al what the freakiest thing is that he's ever done. Howard said Al told him he likes to smell feet. King said he likes that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Al has ever offered Stephanie Abrams the brown sausage. Al said that's his co-host on the show. Howard said they really load up the shows with hot chicks these days. Al said they really do and years ago they rarely did that. Al said that he and Stephanie have a very plutonic relationship. Howard asked if people hate Ann Curry who took over for Meredith. Al said everyone loves Ann. He said he's known her since 1990 and she was even in his wedding. Al said the hardest part for her is that she's not out on the road as much as she'd like to be.
Howard asked if the ratings are still doing okay for the Today Show. Al said they're number 1 and they've been that way for 16 years. He said that the gap between them and the number 2 show is bigger than ever. He said no one has ever been number 1 as long as this show has. Al said he never thought he'd be on the Today Show and especially not for such a long run. Al said he has to know what it's like working over there at NBC. Howard said it was a nightmare for him. Al said he loves the people he works with and they all respect each other. He said that you can't fake getting along for that long.
Howard asked Al how he pushed Willard out. Al said Willard is like his second dad. He said he met him in Washington DC and he was the biggest thing down there. Al said he started filling in for him down there and Willard told him he had to get the gig when he left. He said he was going to push for that. Al said Willard still does the 100 year old birthday announcements on the Today Show. Al said he and Willard are good friends and he speaks to him on the phone quite often. He said Willard is 77 years old. Howard asked what he does with himself these days. Al said he has some houses and grand kids and he spends time with that.
Howard asked Al who he would save if he was on a boat with Ann Curry and Willard and it was sinking. Al said he'd have to go with Ann. He said Willard has had a good life. Al said Ann has younger kids and she'd probably want to see them.
Howard said he might have a new game show for him here. Howard asked Al who he would save between Ann or Meredith Viera. Al said he'd have to save Ann because Meredith left them. Robin asked who has been there the whole time. Al said Matt Lauer has been there all along.
Howard asked Al about going to hang out with Michelle Obama at some event she's doing. Al said she's got this exercise thing going on. Howard asked if he's friendly with her. Al said he's met her but he's not sure if he's friendly with her. He said he has met President Obama too. He said that he may have just asked how the weather was and that was about it.
Howard asked Al if he's the most successful weather man ever. Al said he might be but Sam Champion is better looking.
Howard gave Al some plugs for his new TV show and asked if he ever has time for his family. Al said he does have time for his kids and he gets about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Al said he's training for a triathalon actually. Al said he needs a goal to stay in shape so that's how he does it.
Robin said they were talking about Jeff the Drunk who has nothing going on and no motivation and then you have Al. Al said his mother was Jamaican so that's why he has that in him. He has to work multiple jobs.
Howard said they've learned a lot today. Al said they learned Howard hasn't been happy since he was 5. Howard said he remembers the feeling of elation back then but now it's nothing. Al said he remembers seeing the Fat Albert show and he had some rough times with the kids calling him Fat Albert. He said he told Bill Cosby that but Bill didn't care. Howard said it's amazing that he's so positive now. Al said that he had a hard time watching himself back when he was fat. He said he can watch himself now. Robin asked if he was the jolly guy they thought he was back when he was fat. Al said he was.
Howard asked if he ever got into any fights. Al said he once grabbed a kid by his tie and almost choked him to death. He said he got into some trouble for that but he snapped on this kid because he was constantly making fun of him. Howard gave Al some more plugs for his TV shows and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves when people don't know that ''Mike Hunt'' is ''My cunt.'' He had audio of a board meeting and one of the guys asks for Mike Hunt and keeps asking if the guy is there for the role call. Howard said the guy has no idea what he's saying. Howard replayed the clip and laughed again.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Jon said they have breaking news about Big Foot and his apartment problems. Howard said he heard the reports about him and how he was getting in trouble for playing their show out his window too loud. Jon said he's facing eviction because he has a huge speaker outside and his neighbor is a child care center. Jon said that his neighbors have complained and Big foot is going to stop listening to the show now.
Howard said Big Foot is so stubborn that he won't consider the child center and he got all fired up over that. Jon said Big Foot also proposed to his housekeeper. When she turned him down he kicked her out. Then he found out she was sleeping with one of his best friends.
Howard asked how Big Foot can afford the jewelry he gave to the housekeeper. Jon said he's opened up his own pawn shop and he's selling cigarettes for 50 cents a piece. Jon said that Big Foot is looking for a new housekeeper and he's looking for internet access since his other housekeeper took out his access when she left.
Howard asked how the news department works and who takes the stories. Jon said that Brad Driver gives them their marching orders and they all just do their thing and dig into it. Jon said he's been checking in with Big Foot every day since he's got so much going on. Jon said he likes checking in with Big Foot, Riley, Jason, JD and others. Robin asked what happened to the gossip thing that Jason and Will used to do. Howard said some things come and some things go. He said they run their course. Robin said they caused a lot of trouble around there. Gary said that Langford put an end to it because they didn't have a source. Gary said that's what gossip is though. They're just blind items that they read.
Jason said they had sources but Steve would investigate their stories. He said he wondered why they were doing what they were doing so they just stopped . Howard said he likes that Leiberman is doing the stories after getting some information from Jason. Jason said they never made any stories up. They investigated them all. Jason said that the story that they liked the most was the one where Sal touched Howard's megaphone. Jon said he had heard about that one.
Jon said that the love affair between Chuck Zito and Charlie Sheen is over. Howard said Chuck was wild last night. Howard played a clip of Chuck talking about going out to the Charlie Sheen roast. Chuck said he was body guarding Charlie and teaching him some martial arts and things like that. Howard said Chuck was keeping the guy together. Jon said that Chuck was training every morning and he was getting him into shape.
Howard played more of the audio and Chuck said he went home and came back 3 weeks later for the roast. Chuck said Charlie loves baseball so he went online and found a trophy from 1953 to give him to. chuck said he had it all engraved and everything. He went to his house and his assistant met him at the front. He was told he should call before coming down. Chuck said he gave the assistant to give him the gift. He never heard from him after that.
Howard said Chuck showed up at the roast and he was treated terribly. He played the clip where Chuck talked about that. Chuck said that he had just one ticket when he showed up and he was at table 87, all the way in the back. Chuck said he went berserk when he found out. He said he would have had a better view from across the street. Chuck said Charlie had people he just met in the front row. He said they insulted and disrespected him. He said he said ''fuck this roast'' and left. Chuck said he never got a call from Charlie either. Howard said Charlie really is crazy. Chuck said that he's known Charlie for 18 years and he's not sure what's going on. Chuck said that Charlie eventually texted him and asked when the roast became about him. chuck said he doesn't text so he asked Charlie when he wanted to sit down and talk like men. He said he never heard back. Chuck's co-host said that he's a scumbag. Chuck said he's not a scumbag, he's a good guy but he's not sure what's going on there. Chuck said he's his friend but he doesn't understand this. Chuck said that Charlie promised him a bunch of things like being on 100 episodes of his new show. Chuck said he'd have to crack somebody if he had moved out there and got screwed like that. Howard said Chuck will be back eventually.
Jon said that they have heard more about Riley Martin's house and how he's got cockroaches and fly stirps all over his house. Jon said that Eron has said that things aren't that bad and he's been invited out to see for himself how the conditions are. Jon said that Eron has helped Riley to put together a proposal for his show to move to another channel there at Sirius XM. Howard said he hopes they don't lose his show. That would be a terrible loss.
Howard said next thing he heard was that Scott was having a tantrum. He said Scott emailed him directly and told him about the PBA thing. Howard said he never responded to Scott. Scott said he never got an answer from Howard or Doug. Scott said that's not very respectful. Scott asked why he can't ask a question. Howard said he is supposed to go to Gary. Scott said he never got an answer from Gary or Doug.
Doug Goodstein came in and said he told Scott that Howard didn't seem to be into it. He didn't hear back from Howard. Howard said he doesn't like saying no to anyone. He told Scott to go to Gary about that stuff. Howard said Scott never asks him what he should be doing there for his job so why would he email about this?
Howard said Scott didn't hear back from him so he should take the hint. Howard said then Scott gave up on him and went to Tim. Then Tim came to him. Howard said he walked by Scott's studio one day and Scott said he wanted to go bowling. Howard said he had just gotten off the air and he wasn't in the mood. Howard said he was thinking about it. He told Gary that and he thought about it for 20 minutes in his office. Howard said he and Gary discussed it and they figured they needed Scott there. Gary said Tim told Scott no. Scott said he never said no. He said Tim came to him ''as a friend'' and gave him advice. He said he was told to drop the bowling issue. Scott said that's not an answer. Howard said no one cares if he bowls.
Howard said he got a memo from Scott saying he wanted to take personal time to bowl. Howard said he was fine with that. Scott wanted to take his own vacation to go bowling. He wondered why he was going to do that if he was needed there. Howard said the only reason the want him to bowl is because he's on this show. Howard said if he wants to quit the show and become a bowler then go ahead.
Howard said no one cares when he bowls. Scott said that's fine. He said he never got an answer about this though. Howard said they told him to drop the issue but he kept it going. Scott said that's fine. Howard said the one time Scott wrote him a note personally, it was about bowling. Howard said Gary is the one who answers all of his questions there. Howard said he got the answer from Doug and then Gary. Scott said Doug thought it would be a good follow up to last year. Howard said it's boring watching him bowl. Howard said no one wants to see that. Scott said he gets that.
Scott said he wanted to take 3 days off for personal time. Howard said he wants personal time too. Scott said Howard is working 3 days and he wants personal time? Howard said his personal time matters. Scott said he has personal time to take off. Gary said they have vacation time there that they all take together. Gary said personal days are for a funeral, a family emergency or something like that. Scott said that's why he was asking about it. Howard said they told him no! Scott said no one said yes. Gary said Tim told him that he should drop it.
Howard said he's going to give him some advice. He said that the passion he has for his bowling is the passion he should have for when the equipment breaks. Howard said bowling is something you do on a weekend with friends. Gary said he wishes he heard that tone of voice he had with Howard when they had microphones not working in there.
Gary said Howard should get Gregg in there because he was saying they shot about 80 hours of stuff to get a 10 minute show.
Jon said that the PBA people say that Scott helped get them some attention last year. Howard said that it's this show that got them the coverage. Scott said that they said it would be fine if he came without the cameras.
Gary said that he's wanted to go to the Super Bowl for years. He said he was going to go down a few years ago and he was told that night is the biggest night for private jets but he might not land on time. He said he thought about it and figured there is no way he would risk being late for work. He said he hasn't gone to the game because of that. Howard said if Robin wanted to take a day off to go see the Australian Open or something he'd have to say she's nuts.
Gary said that Scott has been trying to show how important he is there and he's asking for days off. He said that might not be the best time to do that. Howard said personal days are something that Gary takes care of. He said that Robin has no idea what's going on here. Scott said she's protected from assholes like him there.
Howard asked Scott how things went when he went home last night. Scott said he's not commenting. Jon said they asked if he slept on the couch and Scott said he never sleeps on the couch. Howard asked if he had to sleep in another room. Scott said he didn't. Scott said they were piling on him on the Wrap Up Show. He said when you get involved with people on the show things can go wrong. Howard said his wife is the one who called in. Scott had nothing to do with it. Scott said people on the Wrap Up Show said he didn't defend his wife. Scott said he didn't think she needed help. He said he defended her when he thought she needed it.
Scott said that his wife was a little upset. He said Howard knows how it goes. He said he didn't want to get into it. He asked for them to send him away for a week.
Howard said he'd rather watch Wendy the Retard bowling over Scott. Scott said he gets it. He said he was just looking for an answer. Scott said that's fine. Howard said he wants him there working. Scott said that's fine. Howard said that the words bowling and boring are very close. He said it's just a couple of letters off.
Howard said he got that note from Scott and then he was bugging him right after the show one day. He said that he told him that someone would get back to him. Scott said he was being bugged for an answer. Howard said most guys would just fire Scott. Howard told him to get back to work. Howard said Robin has no idea what goes on around there. Howard said this has been festering with Scott for a while now. Robin said she thought he was going to snap earlier. Jon said he's seen a lot and that vein in his head scared him.
Howard got Richard's album and had him come in to talk about that. Richard said he got an advance on the album. He said that he made maybe a few thousand for the album. Howard played one of the songs off the album and said he actually liked it. Richard thanked him for that. Howard asked if Fred is not good enough to play. Richard said he'd love it. Fred said he wouldn't be able to handle their style. He said that's not his style.
Howard asked Richard about who was singing on the album. He said that it was Tim ''Ripper'' Owens. Howard let the song play a little longer but he got breaking news that Scott was out in the hall yelling at Tim Sabean. Jon Leiberman ran out to cover that.
Howard played another track off of Richard's album. Howard said it's a pretty heavy metal sound. He asked how many he sold last time. Richard said he thinks they sold about 30,000 worldwide. Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that. Richard said he gets emails from people in Iran and other countries where they don't know what he really does. He said they ask him what he does at his job when they see pictures of him out there.
Howard said he likes a song he can get a massage to and sleep to. This isn't that album. Howard said that's not for him but his fans are out there and they must love it.
Howard played some Simon and Garfunkel and told Richard this is more his speed. Howard said this is what he would get a massage to. Howard said he craves that. Richard said he's getting a pumpkin massage later this month. Robin just said ''Oh god...'' Howard said he had to take a break. He gave Richard a plug for his new album and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked where that song was from. Fred said he thinks it was on MTV. Howard said he had Rosie O'Donnell on the phone. He told her what he was reading about her new TV show and how she's mixing things up on it. Rosie said that's nice. She said she just woke up so she was happy to hear that.
Howard said he's got a prediction. Howard said he thinks Oprah's staff likes things a certain way. Rosie has Oprah's staff working for her. He said Rosie likes to let things evolve and happen and within a year she'll have an all new staff. Rosie laughed. Rosie said that he's not going to be psychic of the year. She said that most of the staff are new and trainable. She said that they were worried about how she doesn't use the prompter. Rosie said they kept asking her to do things over and over so she decided to go live with the show.
Rosie said that she's not willing to change the way she does things. She said that she wanted to do it live and they said okay to her. She said that the show is live and not pre-taped. Howard said she's been having a great life lately. Howard asked if this is going to kill her. Rosie said she hung out for 10 years doing nothing and she was going crazy. Rosie said all of her kids are in school and she had nothing to do.
Howard said that Rosie baffles him. He said they wanted to get together and have dinner but they never did work that out. Howard said when he came into Rosie's life she had a girlfriend who moved in with her kids next door. Howard said they were going to ''blend'' the families. Howard said that ended. Rosie said that was predicted by Howard too. Rosie said she had a vision of what was going to work and it didn't work out. Rosie said Howard is right, it was too many kids. She said that it didn't allow them any time together. She said the woman is a lovely person though.
Howard asked Rosie how she broke it to the kids. Rosie said the kids knew in the beginning that they were going to see what happens. Rosie said that they didn't live in one house and that was kind of helpful. She said they had that separation. Rosie said they didn't even do holidays together. Howard said Tracy had to be brokenhearted. He said nabbing a Rosie O'Donnell is pretty big. Howard said she's a big star and the home run of home runs. Howard said she's wealthy and she's everything a woman would want.
Howard asked Rosie how it ended. Rosie said they broke up around Christmas and it happened over 3 days. She said that they ended up wanting different things. She said in the beginning it was a love affair and she had those feelings for her.
Howard said the other thing that baffles him is how she moved to Chicago. One of her kids is in military school. Rosie said she's baffled by that. She said that he has wanted to be a military guy and she was always concerned about that. She said he's 16 years old. Rosie told Howard that when they announced that Osama bin Laden was dead her son said ''oh shit... I wanted a shot at him.'' Rosie said she was shocked by that. She said that's the best way to piss off her left wing, pacifist mother.
Howard said it must blow her mind that all of a sudden he's out of the house at 16. Rosie said it's not all of a sudden. She said that her son saw Taps and he wanted to go to that school. She said that he'll rattle off what kind of guns are on TV when they watch. Howard asked if he's into hand to hand combat. Rosie said he's not but he does play sports. She said he's 6'1'' tall and he's lost 20 pounds since he went to school. Rosie said that people were thanking him for his service thinking that he was in. She said that he just tells them that he's a cadet but he will continue on.
Howard said this sounds like that show with Michael J Fox where his parents were hippies and he was a politician. Rosie said that her son is a democrat and he told her that there are only about 5 in the whole school. She said he's well versed at what's going on.
Howard said Rosie left her first show to be home with her kids. Now she has one daughter in Chicago with her and the other kids are with Kelly. Howard said he feels that she's free and clear now. Rosie said she shares time with Kelly. Howard said the kids are all stashed away. Rosie said she does have a new girlfriend. Rosie said she told Howard that Beth is too hot for her and she never thought she'd be able to date a woman that hot. Rosie said she met this woman while in line at Starbucks. She said that she looked like a straight 28 year old holding a dog just like her's. She said that she wasn't even hitting on her because she thought she was straight.
Rosie said this woman looked 28 but she's 40. Howard asked if she had a tight ass. Rosie said that she's Howard's dream girl. She said she looks like Julianne Moore. Howard asked what happened next. Rosie said that she talked to the woman about her dog and found out she was trying to have a baby. Rosie said she told her that she didn't have a husband and she was a lesbian. Rosie said that she figured she was a lesbian for 14 minutes but she told her she had been out since she was 24. Rosie said she was intimidated by the beauty.
Rosie said this woman was very much of a girl. He said he's never dated someone so feminine. Howard got a picture of the woman and said that she'll have to bring her over and they'll get her into a bikini. Rosie said she does have a few. Howard said there appears to be a ring on her finger. Rosie said that's not a wedding ring.
Howard asked how long it took to get into this relationship. Rosie said she was in and out of the city a lot and she didn't have much time but she ended up talking, texting and emailing with her for a couple of weeks. Rosie said she kept wondering if she was really gay. She said she found herself fantasizing about her. Howard asked if she did that alone in bed. Rosie said there are many ways to do that.
Howard asked where they went out for the first time. Rosie said she came up to her town and met 3 of her kids. She said they went out to eat at a restaurant. Rosie said that she has to feel that thing where you want to be with the person. She said she'll move on right away if she doesn't feel it. Rosie said that she will stay friends with people but she'll let them know that she's not interested in them in any other way.
Howard asked Rosie about where she goes out to dinner. She said that she lives in Nyack so she has no problem going out wherever.
Howard said Rosie likes a big build up to sex. Rosie said they went out to dinner and all they had was a kiss good night. Rosie said that they did tongue though. She said that she was the one who initiated the kiss but she was nervous about it. Howard asked where it happened. Rosie said it was on the living room couch. She said that her kids were up waiting so she sent them up to bed. Rosie said it was just one kiss. They didn't make out.
Rosie said that it took a few months before they had sex. She said she was busy going to Chicago setting up the show. She said that even on the second date they didn't feel up. She said they made out on the second date. Howard said she likes a slow build. Rosie said that it was romance times a thousand. Howard asked if she sexted her. Rosie said she did not. Rosie said she's not a skanky ho.
Howard asked about the third date. He asked if there were fingers. Rosie laughed. Rosie said it went from kissing to her asking if she could come and spend a couple of weeks with her. She said they went to Miami and that's the place that things happen. She said that this woman is an IT headhunter and she's one of the most successful people in her field. Rosie said she has a lot of designer stuff and she drives a BMW so she's got it all going on. Rosie said she kept waiting for the trap door to come. She said it never did come though.
Howard asked if this woman was a gold star lesbian meaning that she had never messed around with men. Rosie said she is not. Rosie said she's not a gold star lesbian either. Rosie said she had a man when she was 28. She said she used to enjoy going shopping with him and having people asking her how long they had been together. Rosie said she's definitely not bi-sexual but she can look at a handsome man and think that he's handsome. Howard asked if the guy got her off. Rosie said of course he could. She said it's not like a lesbian can't function without the right car key.
Rosie told Howard that this woman is so great that when they were in Miami, and all of the kids wanted to sleep in her room, she moved over in bed and told the kids to get in.
Rosie said she's going through menopause so she's on some medication to help her out. Howard asked if they have to do the dental damn thing. Rosie said that it's very rare for a woman to give another woman an STD. Howard said he was reading that if you go down on a woman and get the human papaloma virus it can lead to throat cancer. Rosie said that's only if the woman has the HPV and has warts there.
Howard asked Rosie about the physical act and what went on there. Rosie said that it was very lovely and she didn't want to get into too many details. She said it can be awkward at first because you're getting to know someone for the first time. Rosie said they didn't use any toys. She said it was pure skin on skin. She said that it's amazing whenever she takes her clothes off. Rosie said that she told her that she looks like a human Barbie. Rosie said she assumes that every woman knows how hot they are when they're that hot. Howard said Beth was telling him how ugly she thinks she is last night.
Howard asked Rosie if she was ashamed to take her clothes off. Rosie said she kind of is. She said she's 200 pounds and her girlfriend is 100 pounds. Howard asked if she tries to suck in her stomach. Rosie said sucking it in hardly helps.
Howard asked if this other woman had been with other women. Rosie said she has and looks aren't a big deal for her. Howard said he has to back into the bathroom in front of Beth. Howard said he doesn't want her to see the Cellulite. Rosie said that they've all seen his ass on MTV though. Howard said that was the biggest mistake he ever made.
Howard asked Rosie if she's going to lose weight. Rosie said she has lost some because her girlfriend eats very healthy and she wants her to live long. Howard asked if she brought her to the TV show. Rosie said she did. Howard said that's the best Afrodisiac. He said that Beth loves seeing him work. He said that turns her on. Rosie said that she was doing what she does and she did talk technical terms and stuff. Rosie said that she told her it was amazingly exciting watching her during rehearsal.
Howard asked if she's having sex with her girlfriend every day. Rosie said it is a new relationship and they are very affectionate.
Rosie told Howard that her new show is tough to keep at an hour. She said that the first show they did in rehearsal was an hour and 20 minutes. Howard said that the OWN Network should let Rosie do her show as long as she wants. He said they have nothing going on with that network so they should let her do her show as long as she wants to. Howard said they don't have to stick to an hour. He said if she's live and she wants to do an hour and a half, go an hour and a half. Rosie said Russell Brand could have gone forever. She said she wanted to stick with him and keep going but they have to stick to an hour. Howard said she should be breaking the rules and just going as long as she wants.
Howard told Rosie that Beth likes him to hurry up in bed. He said she's different and doesn't like to take it slow.
Howard told Rosie about what happened to Beth the other day in the nail salon. He said that she went in and the woman asked if she wanted a massage. Howard said the woman brought her to a back room and Beth got into the massage table. The woman asked if she minded taking her shirt off. Then she took her shirt and bra off and started to rub her side and breasts. Howard said he asked Beth if she knew it was inappropriate. Rosie sounded shocked. Howard said he was blown away. He said that she's like Little Annie Fanny in playboy. He said Beth didn't get up and leave either. She got the massage and 15 minutes later she was done. The woman didn't try to rub her down below though. Robin said she did say the woman tried to rub her thighs.
Howard said he thinks that Rosie could have done the show from New York. Rosie said that they were going to but they didn't have a good studio in New York.
Howard said he's glad that she's doing her own kind of show instead of doing the Oprah show. Rosie said they were going to shoot a bunch of shows and she'd be home for a couple of weeks. Then they changed it to the live show. She said she thinks that she's doing the right thing by doing it this way. Howard said he likes when she lets it all out and doesn't hold back. Howard said he would have watched last night but he wasn't able to.
Howard said he's glad Rosie is back to work. Rosie said that Howard is the reason she did it. She said she did the radio show and she loved doing it but they didn't pay her a penny. She said she listens to Sirius all the time and she didn't do that before. Rosie said they do play her TV show audio on her radio show now. She said she will still have a presence there. She said she wishes she was on Howard 101. Howard said he wanted her on his channel too but it wasn't in the cards.
Howard wished Rosie luck with her new TV show. Rosie said that if she gets married then she'll be inviting him. Howard asked if she's getting married. Rosie said it might be in the cards. She said she is 49 and she's a lesbian so she's got to move fast. Rosie told Howard that she's on some medication and she's been doing her TM for a couple of years now. She said she's in a good place.
Howard asked if Oprah has talked about him. Rosie said that they talk about him all the time. Howard said he's sure Oprah would never let him be on her channel. Rosie asked Howard to come out and do her show for a full hour. Rosie said that she has her own private jet to fly back and forth so he can fly out on that. Howard asked what they're paying her. Rosie said she's getting good money. Howard said he has to guess at what she's getting. He asked if she was getting $15 million. She said that Howard is very close to the number. She said it's not a bad gig. She said she has it all. Rosie said that she has a deal like Howard. He said if she has that then she'll have to sue to get her money. Rosie said this deal is going to take care of everything she needs.
Howard asked if the girlfriend is there. Rosie said she's actually taking her daughter to work right now. Howard told her to have her at her bedside next time she calls in. Howard said she can lay the phone down and he'll listen in on their love making. Howard asked if the kids call her ''hot mommy.'' Rosie said that they wanted to call her ''Mini mama.'' Rosie said that the kids call her their step mom sometimes.
Howard told Rosie that he was invited to a party over the summer and he met Barbra Streissand. Rosie sounded excited about that. Howard said he and Barbra spent about an hour talking. He said that he had no idea Barbra liked him. Howard said he did bring up Rosie's name and Barbra likes her. Howard said he felt kind of good about himself meeting her and knowing she was a fan. Howard said she was supposed to come over to the house the next day but he had to work. Howard said he had to work. He said she was very interesting though. Rosie said she's exactly 20 years older than her. She said that she's amazingly well read. Howard said he has no idea what anyone is talking about most of the time. Howard said he'll talk to Rosie about that sometime. Rosie told Howard when he does have her over to his house that she'll fly in for it.
Howard let Rosie go a short time later. Howard said that they know what happens sexually with Rosie. Howard said her show is airing on Stars 111 at 10am this morning.
Howard said it's great that she gets a private jet to fly to work. Howard said that's when you know you've made it. Howard said he was offered a job recently and they offered him a jet to go back and forth. He said he's not sure if the job is happening though. He said he's not sure if he wants to fly. He said it would be pretty cool though.
Howard wondered if Rosie gets any personal days. Howard goofed on Scott the Engineer about his personal days thing for a minute. Fred played some bowling sound effects while he did that.
Howard said that was nice of her. Nicole said that she wants to come and get naked in the bathroom with Robin again. Howard said he has to get going. Nicole said she thinks she might be bi-sexual. Howard said he knew that years ago.
Gary told Howard that Bubba is off the air today and he's saying that he's on his way to a meeting with some Feds. He said it's kind of cryptic and something about doing sneaky things that can get you in trouble.
Howard read more of Bubba's tweets from last night where he was talking about his wife and what she was up to. Bubba even mentioned ''Howard'' in the Tweet. Gary said that Bubba is now claiming that his account was hacked and those tweets were all deleted.
Howard said they were all kind of cryptic. Howard said maybe Bubba will call in and let them know what's really going on. Robin said she hopes the fed things is no big deal. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Richard and Sal have been at it again. He said that he had so much stuff to get to. He said Tim and Scott were going at it in the halls. Howard played a clip of Scott talking out in the hall about how he just needed an answer a month ago and he could have avoided all of what happened today. Tim was there asking if he wanted to get fired. Scott said he always threatens him. Scott said he can fire him if he has to. Howard said the whole place is a powder keg.
Howard played a song Sal and Richard put together using clips of Scott yelling this morning. Howard said he was thinking back to when Captain Janks pranked Scott on his DJ business. He played one of those prank calls where Janks would leave the same song over and over again. Scott picked up and threatened to get the cops to come after him for the prank calls.
Howard said Sal and Richard made another call to that show where they speak in tongues. Howard said last time they called Richard was ''Nervous Mark'' who was saying he had an addiction to masturbation. Richard said he wanted to get some help and he makes sounds like he's masturbating while they're praying for him. Then they try to cast out the demon in him. Richard said he was jizzing everywhere and couldn't stop pumping on his penis. Howard said they do speak in tongues in this one but they couldn't hear it because Richard was so loud.
Howard said Nervous Mark called that same show. This time ''Mark'' said that he needed their prayers. They had him repeat after them but he kept saying that someone was talking over him. Richard kept telling the guy to repeat himself. Richard asked them to repeat it too. He kept having to ask them what they were saying and said there were two people talking. The hosts said that she should come clean. Richard said ''I did cum... I came like 5 times.'' They hung up on him but then Sal called in and said his sister Robin was suffering from mental illness and didn't believe that Brad Pitt was a movie star. Then he puts Robin on with them and plays clips of Robin speaking in tongues. They spoke in tongues along with her. Then they played her saying ''I need a cock!'' and laughing hysterically. Then the host threatens to spread their phone number all over the United States if they continue to do that.
Jon ran down a few more subjects for today's show including the Chuck Zito stuff. that led to Howard plying another Chuck Zito Show clip. In that clip Chuck talked to a caller about hanging out with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and some other guys. Chuck said that he was willing to take over for a spot in a movie that Stallone was doing. He said that he wanted the fucking part but before he knew it they were off shooting the movie without him. He said that he heard Jean Claude Van Damme was in it.
Howard said chuck has all kinds of stories to tell. Howard said maybe he'll talk about Arnold on his next show.
Robin said that Hank Williams has put out a new song about FOX and Friends. Howard had a Hank Williams song but it wasn't the new one. Howard said he's the perfect guy to write a song for football.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she felt that Howard was being disrespectful with Scott. She said he's been there a long time and a lot of fans want to hear what Scott wants to do. She said she wants to see him bowl. Howard asked if she saw the last bowling special. She said she did and she was hoping to see it again. Howard said he stands corrected then. Robin asked if he gets to go now. Howard said no, the caller, Zena, said yes. She said that the fans are interested in a lot of what his staff wants to do. Howard said they already saw what Scott did. He said he didn't think it was a stellar moment in his career. He said it was on the dull side. Zena said he's very interesting. She said she's met Scott and he's interesting and very charismatic. Howard said she must be high as a kite. Howard asked if she was. Zena said she's not at all.
Howard asked who this woman is. He heard that she works for Ronnie. Zena said she works for Ronnie and goes out and finds the hot chick of the week for Ronnie. Howard asked if she's paid for that. She said she's not paid at all.
Zena said that she's a big fan of Scott's and she's a huge fan of Howard's too. She said she thinks that Howard should have let him go. Howard said she must not have ever run a business before. She said she is in charge of a few businesses. Howard said she must let her employees go off and do their own thing whenever they want. She said she would let them do it if they're approved for it.
Robin read a story about a super hero wannabe who was arrested for assault. They say that he pepper sprayed a group of people who were standing outside. Robin said the guy claims he was trying to break up a fight but the witnesses say that the fight didn't start until this super hero sprayed his pepper spray.
Robin read about Christina Aguilera going to England and spending a ton of money for the Michael Jackson tribute. Howard said she needs to slow down because she's getting really heavy and still wearing the same stuff she wore when she was thin. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:50am, Robin got back to her news and read about how Paul McCartney got married again this weekend. Howard said they're saying he's not good at marriage but his first marriage was a great one and his wife died. Howard said the second marriage was a fucking mess but it was just one bad one. Robin read about how Paul has no pre-nup with this one. Howard said the guy is worth a fortune. Robin said she read there is no pre-nup. Howard said he hasn't learned yet. Howard said he thinks that he might be a big pussy. He said there's nothing wrong with saying that you don't want any aggravation. He said Paul married his second wife for like 10 minutes and she took millions. Howard said he met Paul's new wife at a party and he approves. He said she was a very nice woman.
Howard said he leafed through Linda McCartney's coffee table book and she took the shot of the Beatles walking across Abbey Road. that's what he thinks anyway. They put it in her book so he's assuming she took it.
Robin read about how The Onion is finding it hard to joke about Steve Jobs' death. Robin said that they had a headline about how Apple is going to be releasing Steve Jobs 2.0. She said they had another one where they said that an Apple user was acting like his dad just died. Howard said a lot of people are really bummed out by his innovation and spirit. Robin said not everyone is laughing at their headlines. She said people are calling them tasteless and it's too early to be joking about his death.
Robin said they're saying that Steve died of respiratory failure. Howard said those jokes aren't that offensive. Robin said they say he had a very small, private funeral. That happened on Friday. Howard said as brilliant as he was he's not sure why he wore a turtle neck. Robin said that they're saying that he had put 4 years of planning down on paper before he died. Howard said they need a visionary there at Apple. Howard said he was the one who made them use glass on the iPhone. He was the one who motivated people and thought up a bunch of stuff. He said he was a genius and an inventor. Howard said that fucking cancer did him in. He said cancer is a terrible thing to rob them of Steve Jobs.
Robin read about a skydiver who died while skydiving with a student attached. Robin said she's thought about doing it. Howard told her not to. Robin said now that she's seen that the student died she's not sure. Howard said he saw this guy who climbs mountains without ropes. He said the guy is eventually going to fall and die. He said the guy is a maniac. He said he might as well kill himself because that's what it seems like he wants to do. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a funeral home in Florida that's offering an alternative to cremation. Robin said that it's chemicals and water that leaves nothing but bones and ash behind.
Robin read about a couple that was arrested for child molestation of a 6 year old boy and bestiality. Howard said he can't imagine what was going on there. Howard said even Fred isn't into that. Fred said he definitely isn't.
Robin read about a man who was accused of raping his mother. Howard sounded like he was going to throw up. He said his mother might give it to him willingly. Fred played a Jackie laugh while that was being discussed. Howard did an impression of his mother talking to him about raping her.
Robin read about some things Herman Cain has been saying lately. Robin had some audio of him talking about how too many people use race as a reason for not getting work. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the Occupy Wall Street protests that have been going on. Robin said that the protesters are going to be doing a walk today and moving around the city. That led to Howard talking about how he paid his taxes recently and he can't believe how much he had to pay. He said the thing is that the government has to stop wasting money. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Robin read a story about a woman who ran two marathons and 8 hours after the Chicago marathon she had her baby. Robin said she claims that she didn't think she'd finish the marathon but she couldn't stop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Cher looked like she wanted to run off of Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said that they got her on the show because her son is on the show. Howard said she was there and she did look like she wanted out. He said she's had a lot of plastic surgery and she looked kind of like Joan Rivers. Howard said you look like a shit if you don't show up for your family. He said he's not sure why Courteney Cox is there. He said he doesn't get that at all. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Mitt Romney is in the lead for the polls right now. Robin said that Herman Cain is a close second. Howard said if Herman Cain gets the republican nomination then he's saying that racism is officially over. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Robin had some audio of a woman talking about the treatment of prisoners in Afghanistan. Robin said that the government denies using torture. Howard said he hates to admit it but if he was running that show he'd probably torture people to get information.
Robin said that Ricky Martin is going to Honduras even though some religious leaders didn't want the openly gay performer there. Howard said he wouldn't want him there because no one is going to buy tickets, not because he's gay.
Robin read about how Michelle Obama is going to join school kids to try and set a world record for the most jumping jacks.
Robin read about how Big Ben is tilting. Robin said it's leaning a fraction of an inch and experts aren't sure why. Robin said they say it will be thousands of years before it becomes a real problem though. Howard said they should replace that thing with a digital clock. He said he hates analog.
Robin said that the NBA has announced they will be delaying the start of the season by 2 weeks. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Gary said that he thinks that Scott was trying to generate a news story so it would come out on the air and he'd get to go. That backfired. Scott told the guys that the PBA had posted something on their web site asking if he was going to be bowling. Scott said he turned down a story that Shuli wanted to do. Gary said he was told it was the other way around. Scott said they came back to him the week after and asked if he was going to be bowling.
Gary said he was in the news director's office and he told him that Scott was the one pushing for the story to be done. Scott said he just asked if they were going to bring it up on the air. Jon asked Scott what he heard from Doug. Scott said Doug put it off and he emailed him and he didn't respond. He said he didn't get an answer other than a ''probably no.'' Scott said he never bothers Howard with anything. Gary said he has to step away and look at this. He said if Howard doesn't answer you then he might be saying no. Scott said that not answering is worse than saying no. He said he normally doesn't bother him.
Jon said he knows that if Howard doesn't answer him then it's a no. He said everyone there knows that. Benjy said he doesn't think that it's a no all the time. Gary said Howard would respond if he wanted you to work on something.
Jon pointed out that Howard told Scott he has to talk to Gary about this kind of thing. Scott said he was working with Howard in his studio and he asked him about it when he was in there. Gary said they were on camera then. Scott had no idea.
Scott said Howard could have brought an end to it a month ago. He said if he had just said no that day he would have dropped it. Gary said Howard avoided answering him. That's the way he does things. Scott said he didn't appreciate him avoiding him like that. Gary and Jason said that Scott sounds just like Greg Fitzsimmons bugging Howard to write the foreword to his book. Scott said Greg hasn't worked for Howard for 26 years though.
Gary said he asked Tim if he had spoken to Scott about it because he's the one who should have spoken to him about it. Gary asked Tim if he said ''no'' to him or just hinted that it was a no. Tim may not have said the word ''no'' but he did advise him not to keep going after it.
Jon said that Scott wants this so bad he won't read between the lines. Gary said he's like the chick at the door who is telling the guy ''tell me to leave and I'll leave.'' He said he doesn't get the hint.
Scott brought up how he wanted to take vacation time and they didn't allow that either. Scott said that Howard moved his vacation week for Robin so she could go to Guatemala. Jason laughed when he said that. Scott said that he didn't think Howard should move the week. He changed his mind a half second later. He said it's fine that Howard moved the week.
Jon asked Scott about the personal days and why he thought he could take off. Scott said he was just making a request. Gary said making the request is fine but not taking no for an answer after 5 times is the hard part. Gary said he knows he wants to go but he's being passive aggressive about it. Gary said it all came down to this today and he was the one who wanted it to come.
Jon said that Scott came in yelling and screaming today too. Scott said if he had gotten an answer 5 or 6 weeks ago he would have been fine. Gary said he did get an answer and he just chose not to hear it.
Tim came in and said that they all need to be there. He said that they're there to work and when the show is on they need him there to support the show. Scott said he didn't get that answer 5 weeks ago. Gary insisted he did.
Gary said that he wants this so bad that he's not hearing the answer. Scott said he gets it and he was willing to drop it. Jason said he didn't drop it because he kept asking about taking the time off even though the TV show wasn't going to cover it. Jon said they had to take a break and get to the bottom of this after that.
Gary said Scott is important to the show and they need him there. Gary said he can't believe that there are people who are upset that they won't let him go. Jason said that this isn't the first time this has happened. He said that Scott doesn't read between the lines. He said that his theory is that he has a problem taking orders from Tim. He said that Scott has flipped out about things with Tim before. Tim said he thinks that Scott feels that he's a victim. He said that things take time up there and Scott would rather blow up instead of finding out what the real answers are. Tim said he likes Scot and he has tried to develop a rapport with him and it's hard. He said that he thinks Scott likes to put himself in the victim state.
Scott said it's a thrill to bowl with real bowlers and if Gary was offered a chance to play with real baseball players he'd want to go. Gary said it would be more like going to play with the E Street Band or something like that.
Scott said that the PBA told him that he was free to play if he could come out there. He said they don't need the TV show or the radio show to cover it. Scott said that he's not playing the victim or anything.
Jon asked if they have an underlying thing between him and Tim. Gary said he thinks there's something going on there and they both don't feel respected by the other. Tim said he just took Scott out to lunch the other day. Scott was saying that they're not friends today. Jon asked Tim if that hurt after taking him out to lunch. Tim didn't say.
Scott said that all he wanted to do was bowl in the PBA again. He said it was a great experience and he wanted to do it again. Gary said a lot of people have offers on the show to go out and do things they love. Gary said he could have gone to the Super Bowl and he turned it down. Scott said he was just asking questions. He said they could have said they need him there and he's important to the show.
Jon asked who his issue is with. Gary said he thinks it's with Howard. Scott said Howard might not want to look like the bad guy but he might look worse by not giving him an answer. He said that's just the way he works and that doesn't work for him. Gary asked if he thinks that every office works the same. Scott said he thinks that people would ask a question and get an answer. Getting ignored isn't fair. Tim said that with the modified schedule it's even more important that they're there to work.
Shuli came in and said that Brad Driver suggested that they ask Scott about the bowling thing. He said Scott told them that he was waiting for an answer from Howard and he didn't want to comment. Shuli said when he didn't get an answer he asked him to do the story. Gary said this was a way to get the ball rolling again in a different direction. Scott said that's the way Gary is hearing it. Scott said he just went back to Shuli to do the story. Gary asked why he went back to him. Scott said Shuli asked him to do the story. Gary asked why he went back. Jason answered for him and said that it's because he wanted someone to pay attention to the story. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:55am, Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems stupid that they're trying to get him to take the hint when he doesn't want to. The guy said Scott could just take the days and ignore what they're saying. They're ''personal'' days. Gary said he doesn't handle the personal days and he once asked to take one and Tom Chiusano told him no. Gary said he's not sure what the definition is. Jason said that they are personal days and you can use them for whatever you want. He said that Scott could legally take them off if he wanted. Scott said there are vacation days and personal days that he was willing to use either of.
Ralph called in and said that Scott should consider himself lucky that he got to do it the first time. He said if Howard doesn't respond to something then it's probably a no. Gary and Jon said they've told him that already. Gary said Scott didn't hear ''no'' so he kept going with it. Ralph said this is what he's dealing with and he should know that. Gary said he was actually worried for Scott when he started yelling at Howard today. They had to end the show a short time later. Benjy and some of the guys wished Artie Lange a happy birthday as they were wrapping up.
Howard started the show talking about how he doesn't understand a story in the paper about A-Rod. Howard said he was out golfing. He wondered if he's supposed to mope around since the Yankees aren't in the playoffs. Robin said that's apparently what the fans are thinking. Howard said they didn't make it and the guy is out golfing. He said you're allowed to golf after not making it into the playoffs. Howard said maybe that's his way of coping. Robin said she doesn't think of him as the kind of guy who needs 5 rings. She said he's very happy to just mail it in.
Howard said Gary has been very phlegmy the past couple of days. He said he was trying to tell him that Scott the Engineer is too. Gary said that was actually Jon telling him that. Howard said Gary has to clear his throat every morning. Gary said he noticed Howard has to do that too. Howard said he can't leave the room though.
Gary said he was in the middle of pitching him something and he can't just say he'll be back in a minute. Howard said that's what he would like. Gary said he can't be serious. Fred played a clip of Gary clearing his throat a bunch of times.
Howard said he was listening to Scott talking about the bowling thing on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's really annoying. He said that Scott says that if he had just said no to him it would have been over weeks ago. Howard said he doesn't like saying no. He doesn't deal with Scott about his personal vacation either. Howard said Scott thinks he should be the one doing that but it's Gary and Tim's job. Howard said that's their job. He said Scott didn't want to go to Gary because Gary would have just said no.
Robin said that Scott knows they will say no and Howard can't say no. That's why he went to Howard. Howard said that's right. He said they told Scott it didn't look good so he should drop it.
Howard played the song parody that Richard created about Scott complaining yesterday. They had clips of him yelling at Howard in that.
Howard said in any normal working environment he would have been fired after yelling at his boss. Howard said he's to go to Gary or Tim about that stuff. Howard said he had to go into Scott's studio one day to record a commercial. He said that's when Scott asked about the bowling. Howard said he just told him he had to think about it. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered about bowling.
Howard said things get so crazy about bowling. He said Gary has a great story about it. Robin said this would be like Howard whipping out his camera and taking pictures instead of doing the radio show. Howard said Gary has the best story about it. He said if you follow the story it's amazing.
Howard said Scott never yells at his wife like he yelled at him yesterday. Howard said the guy is near 60 years old and the statement ''my wife won't let me'' shouldn't even be an issue. Howard said you don't ask permission. He said you just do it.
Scott came in so Howard went off on Scott. Scott said his wife is fine with him bowling. Howard said Gary's wrestling story is the best. He said that Scott wanted to get permission from his wife to go bowling and he needed to get some wrestler on the show.
Howard said he's not comfortable dealing with Scott about his vacation days. He said that's not why he got into radio. Scott said he knows. Howard said Scott didn't like that Gary and Tim would tell him no. He said he really doesn't care about him bowling. Howard said he hired Scott and no one else did. Howard said he was the one who kept him at K-Rock. He said he likes Scott. He doesn't care about his bowling and if he wants to take the days off he has to deal with Gary and Tim about it. Howard said Scott coming in and telling him ''fuck you, you fuck'' yesterday was not right. He told him to go home and say that to his wife. Scott said he does.
Howard said Tim pointed out that he has a victim mentality. He really does. Howard told him to voice his issues to Gary and Tim. Howard said Gary told a story about going to Tom Chiusano asking for a personal day to go do something. Tom told him no. Howard said Tom told him that's not what personal days are for.
Scott said that he loves his job there but he got a taste of that bowling tournament last year and now he wants more.
Howard told Gary to come in and tell the story about Scott. Scott said it wasn't about the PBA with the wrestler. Gary came in and said that the story if the funniest fucking story ever. He said Scott isn't involved with gusts at all. He said he showed up trying to get this wrestler guy Batista on the show. He said he had never pitched anyone on the show but he had like 5 pages of notes on him. Will started to pitch it and Howard asked why they were even bringing it up. Gary said that Scott got mad that he didn't pitch him the right way. Scott said he did not. Gary said they all wondered why he was so invested in this. Gary said there's this guy who is involved with the PBA. Scott said he helped get him involved last year. Gary said the guy said that Scott's wife wasn't that into him going bowling so Scott suggested that he call the house and suggest to the wife that he should go. Gary said the guy said that Scott told him he would pitch the wrestler if he would call his wife.
Scott said he did look at the wrestler and he thought there were some interesting things there so he pitched him. He said that's all it was. Gary said that Scott's wife knew that this guy was put up to this and she told the guy that. Howard asked if he gave the guy a definite no about Batista.
Gary said if Scott gets too deep into this he's going to be forced to get the guy on the phone. Scott said he made no deal with the guy. He said it's absolutely not true.
Howard told Scott that the bowling is going to do him in. He said he doesn't need this. He's not a professional bowler. Scott said it was great to compete with the best in the world but he knows he's not a pro. Howard told Scott not to bother him about his personal days. He said he loves Scott though.
Howard told Robin that she should have heard him on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered with this stuff. Scott kept saying that he didn't get a definite ''no'' so he had to ask about it. Howard said Tim told him to back off of it and that meant that Howard didn't give a shit. Howard said Scott kind of sucked on the PBA tour. His scores sucked. Scott said they weren't that bad. He said he did pretty well. He said he averaged in the 180s. Howard said he heard he was in the 130s. Scott said he had a couple of 230s in there too.
Howard said Scott doesn't respect him. He asked Scott if he thinks that a sound engineer over at Letterman's show asks for personal days off from Dave. Scott said no and that they structure things differently over there. Howard said Letterman is a prick and he doesn't want people looking at him or bothering him. He said he's neurotic and insane. Howard said he shouldn't think of him any differently than Letterman. Howard said he's an icon and he's going to be in the history books... according to John Stamos. Howard said no one at Letterman's show is asking Dave for time off. They go to the producer.
Howard said Tim is out of his mind with Scott over this. He said he shouldn't even know about this. Howard said Scott would never go to Letterman to ask for personal days to go bowling. Howard said Letterman would tell them to fire that bald guy so he would never have to see him again. Howard said Scott was trying to take advantage of him. Scott said he wasn't trying to do that. Robin said she knew he would say that.
Howard asked Scott if his wife would let him go bowling without pay. Scott said she wouldn't have a problem with it. He said she knows how much he enjoys it.
Howard said Scott doesn't respect him. Scott said he does respect him. He said the reason he went to Howard was because he thought that he'd want to know that he wanted to do this. Gary said he wanted Howard to answer him because he wasn't happy with everyone else's answers. Scott said he wanted to know about the personal days and he thought Howard would like him to go to him directly. Howard said he's worked there for 35 years and he doesn't know that he doesn't deal with that stuff? Howard said he shouldn't even know about that. He told Scott to imagine what that would be like if he had to deal with all of that. Howard said he gets email all day long about nonsense like that. Howard said he doesn't have any friends. He has people who want stuff from him.
Howard told Scott he doesn't deal with this stuff with anyone. He said maybe Robin might come to him about something but she's more into the job than he is. Howard said Fred just sits there and behaves himself. Fred said he's turned down movies because this is his job. Howard said Fred has never asked him to take time off to do a film. Howard said he doesn't want to deal with everyone's personal schedule.
Gary said that he got an inquiry from Celebrity Apprentice to do the show but he'd have to be there at 9am. He said that he'd have to be there at 9 for 6 or 7 days. Howard said he's glad he didn't bother him with that. Gary said he just couldn't do it.
Gary said Howard told him something 28 years ago and it has stuck with him. He said that without the radio show none of this other stuff would be possible.
Howard said he was offered a big job recently. He said that this isn't a bowling thing, it's a big job. Howard said he had a lot of discussions about it. He said it involved one night a week staying up late and then coming in to do the show. He'd have to travel too. He said he thought about it and he wanted to do it but he turned it down because it didn't work with the radio show. Howard said this show is so important to him that he's given up things in his personal life that he should have been more attentive to. Howard said this bowling thing sounds silly to him.
Robin said that she's turned down Dancing with the Stars 3 times. She said they claim they'll work with her schedule but she knows they won't.
Howard said Bob Kraft asked him to come to see a game but it was going to be on a Sunday. Howard said he would like to go to a game in Bob's box but he has to be home on Sunday to prepare for the show. Howard said he said no.
Howard told Scott to go back to his room and not bother him anymore. Howard said Scott didn't know that he doesn't want to be bothered.
Howard said they wanted to come in and say hi to the audience and talk about the date. Howard said Debbie started screaming about her hair not looking good and it was a really funny report. Gary said Debbie is the one who yells. Ed is very timid next to her.
Howard had the two of them come in. Ed asked if he could put his sunglasses on. Howard said that was fine. Howard said that Debbie can thank him for getting her dog taken care of. She thanked Howard for helping out with her dog Stitches. Howard said Debbie is an attractive woman. He said she's got nice, long hair.
Howard said Ed and Debbie are on a real date. They're just meeting each other for the first time this morning. Debbie said Ed is a good looking guy but he makes her nervous because she's afraid that he's not real. Howard said he has trouble reading Ed. Ed said he's trying to find love. Then he said he's trying to fuck her. Debbie asked if he wants a relationship or just a fuck. Ed said he wants a relationship.
Debbie said she's 49 years old and she isn't going to get dressed up for him. She said that she lives in New York so she's not going to get dressed up and walk around.
Debbie asked Robin why she blocked her on Twitter. Robin said she didn't block her. Debbie insisted that she did. Ed said that he responds to Howard and Howard doesn't respond back to him on Twitter. Howard said he doesn't even read that stuff. Ed asked him to follow him. Howard said maybe he will.
Howard asked Ed if he's going to fuck her over and leave her. Ed said he's not. Robin asked how he got there. Debbie said he told her that he was going to meet her last night at midnight. She said he got to Penn Station and he never showed up. Howard cut her off and said that it sounds like she's kind of desperate for him and she doesn't need this guy. Ed said he could get women too. He said he can get any woman he wants. Ed said he gets women all the time.
Debbie asked Ed if he really wants to go on a date. Ed said they can go somewhere. Robin said this is another scam. Debbie said it's not a scam. She screamed that out to Robin.
Howard said he hard that Ed was going to take her to McDonald's. Debbie said she's fine with that. Howard asked if they're going to leave there and go on a date. Ed said he will. Debbie said that she'll go to McDonald's if he wants. Ed said she can't act like an asshole there. Debbie said she has really bad mood swings so she can't control that. She said she won't yell at him but she wants him to be sincere with her.
Howard told Ed he has to be nice to her and be sincere. Ed said he is sincere. Howard asked if she's kissed him yet. She said she hugged him but hasn't kissed him yet. Howard asked if she wanted to kiss him. She said she doesn't want to do that on camera. Ed asked for a hug. She gave him the hug. Howard said he almost raped her.
Ed claims he gets pussy all the time. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Ed said he got some a couple months ago. Howard said he doesn't care if they're scamming him or not. Debbie said they're really not. She said she hopes he's not playing her because she likes Ed. She said that she told him to be honest with her.
Howard asked Debbie how she looks naked. She said she can't answer those questions. She said she's not proud of her body. Howard said that's a shame. He said he thought she was.
Howard said he had to move on. He wished Debbie luck on her date. He said he hopes she finds romance. Debbie said she hopes that he's being honest with her. Howard said he has a feeling Ed just wants to get laid and he'll leave her behind. Howard said that would be kind of funny. He said Debbie would be yelling at him over that. Howard told them to go out on their date and let them know how it goes. Ed asked Howard if he had any contest money for him. Howard said he didn't have any. Ed said he came all this way though. Howard said he didn't tell him to come in.
Howard asked if Debbie was going to let Ed stay over. Debbie said she would. She said that her son would be there so they won't be alone. Debbie said her son wouldn't like him. She said that Ed would have to sleep in the cat room or on the couch. Howard said Debbie is a sweetheart.
Ed asked if he could take a picture with him. Howard said no. He said he has to do his show. The guys took Ed out of there and Gary wondered why Ed doesn't work. He said he's able to work but he's not sure why he doesn't.
Gary said he thinks that Debbie looks really good for a 49 year old. He said she's in great shape. Gary said she said that it would be weird for her son if Ed came over. Gary wondered what other weird stuff goes on at her house.
Howard said they have Hulk Hogan coming in today. Robin said maybe he can fill them in on what's going on with Bubba. Howard said they had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves that Hendrix song. Howard said that's Bubba's theme song. Fred said he thinks it was Hulk's theme song too.
Howard said he started watching the first part of the George Harrison special. He said the first part is really good. The second part blows. He said they didn't need 2 parts. He said that the first part would have been enough. Howard said they had tape of George talking about what it was like being in the Beatles early on. He said it was very good stuff. He said the second part was so boring. He said they had Phil Spector rambling on. He's kind of funny to look at but after a while you don't want to see him anymore. Howard said that guy is a weirdo.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news headlines. Lisa came in waving so Howard said it's like she's coming in for the first time every time she comes in there. Lisa said she had trouble seeing him in there with the new set. Howard said he likes it. She thought it took away from him with so much stuff in there. Lisa said that he needs a big spotlight. Howard said not with that face he doesn't.
Lisa said that Robin's new show debuts tomorrow at 1pm on Howard 101. the show is called The Chatter. Howard said Robin is going to do it once a week. He said she did a test show and he thought it sounded great. Howard said he loved it. Howard said they have Robin solo and then with a panel. He said it's excellent.
Robin said she's not sure if they're going to have it on Howard TV. She said they'll see. Lisa said they'll do that show and then What's Worth Watching will be on at 2pm.
Lisa said that a bunch of guys on the show, Sal, Jason, Gary, Benjy, Teddy and her, will be going in for their first Transcendental Meditation course. Howard said that's fantastic. He said he thinks they'll love it. Howard asked if they have their own class. Gary said it's just an intro class. He said Jason met a guy who is into TM and he offered to do the intro class for them. Lisa said Sal is taking the course in his continuing process of trying to become a better person.
Lisa said that the guys for GEEKTIME will be at the New York Comic-Con. Gary will also be there and he'll be on a panel of people who will be on a new MTV show.
Lisa said that she was at a red carpet event for a new movie about the Memphis Three. She also said that they had Richard's record release party last night. She said that he made two appearances last night. Howard said he can't imagine. He said that all of this commotion is for a record that will barely sell.
Howard said this Hank Williams is a really dopey guy. Howard said they talked about it yesterday and went over how dopey he was going on FOX News. He said he showed up on The View and they seemed to be afraid of him. Howard said they know better than to mess with this guy because he looks dangerous. Howard said the guy is so dopey that he put out a song blaming FOX and Friends for his problems. Howard asked JD if he found the song. Howard said he heard the song and he thinks that he can sing better than Hank Williams Jr. Robin said his father was an icon. Fred said that he doesn't think he has much to say about this guy. He said his father was great but he's not that great. Fred said he wiped the front of his face off on some mountain so that's why he has that beard and the sunglasses. Howard said maybe some of his brains dripped out too.
JD told Howard he had the song for him. Howard said he's not going to play The View clips because it's so all over the place. Howard played the awful song Williams sings about FOX and Friends. Howard said he's pretty much just talking. He said he thinks he can sing just as good as he does. Howard said it seems like you can put in any lyrics you want. They don't really have to fit.
Fred played guitar and Howard sang his own country song. Howard sang about Obama being the enemy of the country as if he was Hank Williams Jr.
Howard said the guy is a lunatic. Howard asked if Hulk was there yet. Scott DePace said he just showed up and they had to sign him in. Howard said maybe he should take a break then. He played some of Hank Williams Monday Night Football song. He said if you heard him on the view you'd hear him ramble on. Howard said the guy was saying they twisted his words. Howard said no one twisted any words.
Howard played some of the audio from The View. Williams was saying that they had called what he said an analogy. Barbara Walters asked him how he was misunderstood. Hank said that he was stepping on the toes of Freedom of Speech. Howard said he could barely understand what he was saying. Howard said Sheri seemed to be taking his side in some way. Howard said Barbara wasn't yelling at him. She seemed to be afraid of him. Howard said he should play the rest of that but he has to take a break. Gary told him he really should take a break.
Howard played more of the audio of the women on The View talking to Hank about his Hitler analogy. Howard said he was waiting to hear how everyone twisted his words around. He never did explain that. Barbara said that Hank wants people to boycott them but he's also saying that he's for freedom of speech. Hank rambled on and on and it wasn't clear what he was talking about. Howard said the guy is a maniac. He just talked himself out of a job. Howard said it's fine to do that but just make sense. He was talking about how you should never kick a cow turd when it's hot out and saying Mickey Mouse is a mean mouse.
Hulk said he had a bunch of pictures on his phone that he wanted him to see. He said there are some naked people on there. He jokingly said that they were all of Bubba the Love Sponge. Hulk showed Howard the pictures of his back from 7 months ago. He said he has a battery in his back and a steel plate in there.
Howard asked if he ran out of money. Hulk said that he had a divorce and a civil case where hew as sued for $60 million. Hulk said he's not wrestling. He's just part of this ''Bound for Glory'' wrestling event.
Howard asked Hulk if he's doing this for Vince McMahon. Hulk said they're not. He said Vince does PG wrestling and this stuff is a little different. Hulk said that some people think he should have worked for Vince his whole life. He said he did some other stuff with other people though.
Howard asked Hulk if he thinks he's the biggest wrestler of all time. Hulk was the only wrestler to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Hulk said that is true. He said in the late 80s and early 90s the government was looking into the business and it pulled that all apart. He said he went off and did some other things and didn't think he'd get back into wrestling. He said he did work with Ted Turner and some other people. He said that he went his own way.
Howard said Hulk estimates that he has gone through hundreds of millions of dollars. Hulk said he and his wife shared in that. He said that they built this mansion and he never wanted to save. He said he ended up wrestling into his 50s instead of saving his money. He said he wanted to retire at 39 or so. He said he was set until the divorce and the civil case. Howard said he understands that his son screwed up and this other kid was badly injured. Howard asked why Hulk had to pay. Hulk said that they have settled. Howard asked if his son was 18. hulk said he was 17 when it happened. Howard said if your child is allowed to drive at 16 then the parent shouldn't be responsible. Howard said you have to assume the kid is a good kid. Hulk said it comes down to this. He said that the insurance settles with the family. If you're a celebrity then there's a civil suit.
Hulk said he's fine now and he's back working again. He said he got married to Jennifer who Howard has met. Howard said he did meet her. Robin asked Hulk if he's having sex with just her. Hulk jokingly said that it's him, Jennifer and Bubba. Howard asked what's going on with Bubba. Hulk said at the end of the day he's got his own opinion. He said that Heather is really nice and he hopes that they end up back together. hulk said Bubba was a great father to the kids and they had the most beautiful family. He said he stayed in their house for a few months and he saw how things were. He said that they were great and it was killing him how well they got along.
Hulk said he feels that they grew apart because Bubba is working so hard. He said that he works many hours a day and he's gone a lot. He said that they end up going in their own directions. Hulk said it's easy to undermine someone who works that many hours a day. Howard asked if there was any cheating going on. Hulk said he doesn't know but he doubts it. Howard said Bubba was posting stuff on Twitter the other day and it was all very cryptic.
Hulk said he thinks once they go to their corners and take a break they'll end up getting back together. Hulk said he doesn't want to get involved but he could ask the two of them what's going on. Howard asked if he thinks it's really over. Hulk said he knows they're not talking. He said that they will have to go through some mad, sad, glad stuff and then maybe they'll think about it and get back tother. hulk said he calls Bubba and Bubba won't even call him back most of the time.
Howard asked Hulk if he'd ever fuck Heather. Hulk said no way. He said that it's man law. You don't fuck someone's ex-wife. Howard said he loves that he understands that. Howard said so many men don't understand that. Howard said he'd fuck Heather if he had the chance.
Howard told Hulk he was almost his father in law. He said he would have dated Brooke if he was single. Hulk told Howard that Brooke really loves Howard and she still talks about him. He said she's 23 now.
Bubba told Howard about Brooke's album and how his ex-wife, Linda, got involved. He said they had to walk away from it all. Howard said it's a shame that they didn't have an amicable break up. Howard said Linda accused Hulk of a lot of things. He said that she said that he fucked guys. Hulk said he wasn't going to read the book but his lawyers told him he had to read it. Hulk said he read the first chapter where she wrote about this guy having sex with her. Hulk said that she was talking about making love to her high school Phys-Ed coach. Hulk said that she wrote about how sexually active she was and then she pegged him for one mistake he made in Minnesota.
Hulk said that there were a couple of things that were true in the book but not the stuff about him having sex with a man. Hulk said that she accused him of being gay with Bubba. Howard said that he can't imagine he'd fuck Bubba. He said he'd want to be with Brad Pitt or someone like that if he was gay. Howard said that she accused him of being gay with Brutus the Beefcake Leslie. Howard said that must make him nuts.
Hulk said that the thing that got him more than anything was that his daughter was doing this PETA shoot and Linda came out with her stuff the same day and it overshadowed what she was doing. Hulk said he didn't understand why she would do that.
Howard asked why there's not an agreement that they can't write books about each other. Hulk said he doesn't know. He said that if he even looked at Linda she'd call the cops. Hulk said he never laid a hand on her. He said he's not sure why she writes this stuff about him. Howard asked if they talk about the kids or talk at all. Hulk said he doesn't talk to her at all. He said he doesn't want to see her or anything.
Howard asked if Linda is still with the young guy. Hulk said he thinks she is and he's about 22 years old now. Howard said it must be embarrassing to him. hulk said that he's lived in the Tampa area for 56 years and the town he lives in is very small. He said that he had rented an apartment and he could see one of his houses from the apartment he was renting. He said he could see the boats leaving his old house in the boat or in his Escalade. He said he saw the kid riding his Harley one day.
Howard said it must make him nuts seeing that. Hulk said that things were tough. Hulk said he got married on December 14th and as he was getting married there was a Paparazzi guy on the beach. He said he looked out there and saw that his security guy was out there. He said that the guy claimed to have a gun and the security guy took him down. Seven months later he was getting sued. He said that's the kind of stuff that happens to him. Hulk said that this stuff is crazy. He said he could walk out of there and claim he cracked his head in the bathroom and sue Howard over it.
Howard asked Hulk about his wife Jennifer. Hulk said sex with her is off the chain. He's been with her for about 3 and a half years. Hulk said the real secret is that he goes to Nature's Food Patch and they have a little green bottle called Steel Libido. He said you take 3 of those and you're ready to go. He said he doesn't endorse this stuff, he just buys it. Hulk said it's a pill and it's not a medication. He said that he has tried Viagra but he turned all red and got all swollen. He said he has snuck one in there with the new wife too. He said he thought it would take them to places where they had never been before. Hulk said that the Steel Libido doesn't make you all nervous like the Viagra does.
Howard asked Hulk about this event he's doing. He said it's going to be Hulk taking on this guy. Hulk said that the main event is Kurt Engel. He said he's taking on some other guy. Hulk said he's been running this wrestling company for a while now. He said he's willing to fight this guy Sting for control of the company. You can get tickets at ComcastTix.com. Robin asked what the outcome is going to be. Hulk said she's bad. He didn't give her an answer.
Howard read that Hulk and Linda's first date was at his agent's apartment and Hulk ended up going to the bathroom and coming out naked. Hulk said he was tired and he wanted to go to bed. He said he didn't know it was going to lead to all of this. He said he didn't know it was going to end up being a marriage. Hulk said he was depressed and lonely back then.
Howard said Hulk is happy now. Hulk said he's got a nice rental house. He said one of his homes was sold and the other is for sale.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of money he makes on the Rent-A-Center commercials. Hulk said he aspires to make Troy Aikman money with that stuff. Howard asked about reality TV and if Brooke is still doing that. Hulk said they wanted to keep the show going but they canceled it. He said they were going to do a Hogan Reloaded show and focus on the kids. He said that they were going to have him and Linda interact. He said there was no way he was going to do that. Howard asked if he could imagine making that 18 year old kid a star after that. Hulk said that would be crossing the line. Howard asked if it was tempting to do it. He said it would get him talking to his ex-wife again. Hulk said there was no way he would do it.
Hulk said it was Linda who pitched it to Endemol. He said he told them there was no way he would do it. Howard said maybe the reality shows show too much. Hulk laughed and asked ''You think?'' Howard said it must have made it tougher at home when they were doing that show. Hulk said it did.
Hulk said that things were already bad in the marriage before the reality show. He said he was hoping it would bring them closer but that didn't work. Howard asked if the kids talk to Linda. hulk said Nick loves her unconditionally. He said Brooke does too but she doesn't communicate as much. Hulk said that Brooke knows that the yelling and screaming isn't normal. Howard said maybe the wife is jealous of her daughter's beauty and youth. Hulk said that can happen.
Howard said his dad must be jealous of him a little bit. He said he might be right about Brooke and linea. Howard said he's jealous of his daughters noses and teeth. He said that he looks like a chicken and they're great.
Hulk asked how his marriage is going. Howard said he's great. He said the sex is great. Hulk asked if he does anal. Howard said they're not into that. Hulk said he was asking if his wife does him anal. Howard said it happens a few times a week. Howard said he looks at his wife and she's still sexy to him. He said there's only so much sex they can have. He said that she's a great friend to him too.
Howard asked Hulk if he's going to have more kids. Hulk said no way. He said that Jennifer doesn't want kids either. He said that she raised her brothers and sisters so she knows what it's like. Hulk said that Nick and Brooke need them now.
Howard said he was getting the high sign that he had to go. Hulk said he didn't want to go. Hulk said that he used to be afraid to come in but now he doesn't want to leave. Hulk said that people used to tell him things about Howard and it scared him. He said now it feels like sitting on the couch at home.
Howard gave Hulk some plugs for the TNA ''Bound for Glory'' event. He said it'll be on Pay-Per-View. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that the Rosie interview was great yesterday. Howard said he saw some news reports about her sex life and they seemed to be fascinated by that. The caller asked if he could put his comments about Beth on a card so he could put it on a card and give it to his wife. Howard said he's not even sure what he said. The caller said Howard said something about how he values Beth in life and he wants to tell his wife the same thing. He said he would never cheat on his wife and he wants her to know how he feels. He said Howard said it the right way. Howard said he does value his intimacy and he wouldn't want to fuck it up.
Howard said Beth is in Pittsburgh this morning and she texted him early. He said they went back and forth for a few minutes and he realized that he has someone on this planet who really cares about him. He said he would never want to betray that. Howard said in his younger years he might have taken advantage of that. Howard said the guilt you live with breaks down that whole thing. He said it can fuck everything up.
Robin said when you introduce a lie it can corrode it. Howard said that's a good way of putting it. It's like corrosion. The caller gave an F-Benjy as Howard was letting him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the Rosie Interview was great and it reminded him of Sam Kinison interviews Howard used to do. He said she was so honest and forthright about things. Howard said it's funny that he compares her to Sam. Howard said she talks about her life and there is no calculation there. Robin said her first TV show was keeping her tied down and now she's able to just let it all fly.
Howard said that things with Rosie weren't always so Rosie. He said that she came out so honest and dynamic. He said he's proud of his friendship with her. Howard thanked the caller for the call and moved on.
Howard asked if her voice was gone. BiBi said she was up all night and roaming the streets. She said that she was nervous about coming in.
Howard said BiBi is the one who was in there and said she would fuck anyone there when she was there last. Gange turned her down. Gange came in so Howard asked why he didn't bang her. Gange said she's so hot but there are so many people around that he couldn't do it. He said if no one was around he totally would have. He said that her being a porn star is part of it too. Gange said that things will get out there and then women find out about it. Gange said he's dated girls since Kendra and the Kendra thing still comes up. He said it can affect other relationships. BiBi said the girls should just get over it.
Gange said she smells so good. He said she weighs like 3 pounds so it's like she's barely on your lap. He said her skin is smooth and she's so young. BiBi is just 20 years old now. Howard said maybe that's what Gange wants now.
Howard said he thought for sure that JD was going to be all over her. BiBi said she tired everyone and none of them wanted to bang her. She said she did get JD's phone number. Howard said he heard that she wanted phone sex from JD but he never did it. JD came in and said that she hit on Gange. He said he follows her on Twitter (@xxxBiBiJones) too and he sees how many guys she's having sex with. JD said he doesn't think she's that interested in him. Howard said she's just fucking him. BiBi said she would fuck him.
JD said that he did try to get in touch with her. He said he tried texting her and he wasn't able to get a hold of her. He said he called her one time and got a hold of her and she was out at lunch with someone. Howard said she's in demand. JD said he called to ask if he could play her voice mail and she didn't sound interested at all.
Howard asked BiBi if she would really have sex with him. She said she would. Howard said she has the face of an angel. Howard asked JD if he would love to bang her. JD said he would. Gary came in and told him to man up and just do it. JD said he doesn't just do that. Howard said that's what he needs to do. Howard said that she wants him to bang her and wants him to call her a filthy whore.
BiBi said that she wanted JD's hot cock inside of her and JD didn't seem interested. Howard said it's weird around there. He said he doesn't get it. Howard said he would teach her a lot... He said he'd teach her that old guys have no clue just like young guys.
Howard said BiBi is there because she claims she's a slut and she literally tweets out her location and guys come and fuck her. She said that she joined a web site called WhatsYourPrice.com and guys can bid to take her out to lunch. Howard said you're basically selling yourself then. BiBi said that's true. Howard asked if she got laid last night. She said she did. She said she was out walking around and she took a kid from the Duane Reade drug store who just got off work, back to her hotel room. She said she just asked the guy if he wanted to come back and fuck her. She said that the guy was afraid that she was going to roll him or something. Howard asked how old he was. She said he was younger than her. She said that he came instantly. She said she kicked him out after that.
Howard asked if the guy came inside her. She said she didn't. She said he didn't use a condom but he didn't cum inside her. BiBi said that she doesn't like condoms because they suck up the pussy juice.
Howard said Medicated Pete was there so he was going to find out if BiBi would go out with him. Pete came in and they had him sing Prince's ''Purple Rain'' even though he didn't have the lyrics. Pete said he'd just make it up. Pete sang for BiBi and BiBi seemed to like it.
Howard cut the song off and said that Pete was fabulous. BiBi said it was amazing. She said that if he's that good at singing she's not sure what would happen in bed. Pete said he's had a rough year. He said he hasn't been dating much.
Howard asked Pete what he has going on. Pete said he has Tourette's and he's unemployed right now. Howard asked BiBi if she'd fuck him. She said she would. Pete had an open sore on his face. Howard asked BiBi if she's still fuck him. She didn't seem to mind. Pete said he has an open sore and it just won't heal. BiBi said she'd just do doggy style.
Howard said that BiBi is such a whore that she'd have sex with Pete. Howard said Pete turned down Tabitha Stevens. Pete said he didn't want to be in the whole porn thing. BiBi said she'd do him without making him be in a movie. Pete said he'd do her too. Pete told her he's the guy. Howard said this is a bizarro world where Pete turns down getting laid.
Robin asked why Pete got fired from his health club job. Pete said that's a good question. Pete said he's still living at home with his mom. He said he still goes to the library every day.
Howard said he thought BiBi would say no to Pete but she said yes. Howard told Pete to stick around and see BiBi later. Pete said he'd do that. BiBi said goodbye to him and Pete said he'd see her later.
Howard said you can see BiBi Jones in The Crib and Fighters at DigitalPlayground.com. He said you can check out her web site at BiBiJones.com. She's also going to be dancing at a club in Flushing, NY at the Expertise club.
Howard asked BiBi if she gets laid every day. She said she does. Howard asked if she masturbates every day. She does that too. Howard asked if she's ever taken multiple guys to her room after meeting them at a bar. She said she has done that. She said they have to be down with it of course.
Howard asked how she supports herself. She said she makes good money stripping. She said she spends most of her day hanging out.
Howard asked what kind of money she makes in porn. She said she can make about $60,000. Howard asked BiBi why she doesn't charge for sex. He said that she could make a living doing that. She said that's basically what she does with porn.
Howard asked if her breasts are real. She said they're not but they look real. Ralph called in and said that he was thinking of banging her but she appears to have no standards. Howard asked BiBi if she gets that. She said she does. She said that the guys she hooks up with don't know who she is. Ralph said the kid at the store might make that leap when she just shows up at the store and asks him if he wants to get laid.
BiBi said she thinks about settling down but she's not sure if she could do that. She said maybe this is just a phase she's going through. She said she has to think about her future husband getting upset about it all. Howard asked if her parents are upset about this lifestyle. She said they are but they don't talk about it when they get together. She said she's actually fucked her father's friends. She said if she knew she wouldn't have done that. BiBi said that she met this guy at a club. BiBi said that she was dancing at clubs with a fake ID and she met the guy there and later found out who he was. She said that her father eventually found out when someone told her dad.
BiBi said that she fucked two of her teachers too. She said that the students she fucked were so many she didn't know how many. Gary said that she doesn't use protection so it must be scary. Ralph said he likes that. He said he doesn't like that she's with so many guys.
Gary said he heard that she has fucked guys while giving a lap dance. She doesn't even charge extra. She once fucked 12 guys at a super bowl party. Howard asked if her pussy gets worn out after that. BiBi said she's so wet from it that she doesn't get worn out. BiBi said she doesn't kiss the guys or anything. She said that she will blow some guys while another one is fucking her.
Gary asked BiBi about going on a date and going to the bathroom and fucking the janitor in the bathroom. Howard said she told that story last time she was there.
Howard said BiBi is a very interesting girl. She started with other girls at the age of 6. She said she was licking vaginas at that age. She said she just knew what to do somehow. BiBi said there's something wrong with her. She said she's so sexual.
Howard had a caller on the line who wanted to fuck her. He put the person on and it was Sal and Richard playing Leon Spinks clips where he was mumbling. Howard and Robin had to translate for her but BiBi was up for fucking him. BiBi said that she loves swinging too.
BiBi told Howard that she'd fuck her second cousin. Howard asked about the last guy that she kissed. She said she has a couple of guys that she does that with. She said she likes to get fucked and be left alone but there are times when she would like to be with a guy and just cuddle.
Howard asked why she's in a battle with Jesse Jane. BiBi said that they shot a scene once and Jesse grabbed her neck and threw her head up against a wall. She said that she cried and got a giant goose egg on her head. BiBi said she's not sure what she was thinking. BiBi said she got upset and shocked that she'd do that to her. She said that she knows they tell her to do that stuff and it might have become her thing. She said it completely shocked her. BiBi said she just ran out of there after it happened. Howard asked how old Jesse is. BiBi said that she's 31 and she might be jealous of her youth. Howard said it could be. Howard asked if she would ever work with her again. BiBi said she doesn't think that will ever happen. She said it's too bad because Jesse got her into Digital Playground.
Howard asked BiBi if she could go back and do things over, would she do this all over again. She said she knows she's hurting her family by doing it but she has so much fun she's not sure.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Howard doing his impression of his mother. They had Howard saying ''Now give it to me'' and ''I'm parting the hairs.'' Howard asked BiBi why she wasn't playing along. BiBi just wasn't getting into it. They had Howard making sex sounds as his mother and BiBi asked if it was a joke. Howard said it wasn't. Howard said this woman was acting out her fantasies. Howard said that was Ray and she was acting out her fantasies.
Howard said that some of the guys on the staff wanted to squeeze her breasts. Benjy was one. Mike Gange said he was definitely in. Howard asked Benjy why he doesn't fuck her. Benjy said she's really hot and he'd like to do that on a daily basis if she lived there but there's a stigma with other chicks.
Mike Gange got up first and felt BiBi up. He said they were the best breasts ever. He asked to spank her too. She said that was fine. Howard said this can't go on all day. Howard told Benjy to go up next. Benjy got up and Howard asked what he was doing. Benjy said ''Shhh...'' Benjy said that she has great implants. She said that Dr. Melick did them. Benjy had a weird expression on his face according to Howard. Benjy spanked her and BiBi said that was her thigh.
Howard said Medicated Pete was next. Pete got up and Howard said this was some line up. Pete felt her up and said she had a nice set up there. Howard asked if that was turning her on. BiBi said it was. Howard sounded shocked that even Pete turned her on.
JD was in there too so he was next up. JD said that was good. He didn't last long. Howard asked if she rode the Sybian last time. She said she did. Howard let her off the hook for that today. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up the interview.
Howard came back and said there was some discussion going on with Benjy about BiBi. Howard said that he was saying that he would get a hand job or finger her. Howard said he thinks that women don't like getting fingered. Robin said it can hurt. She said that you get nails and stuff and it hurts. Howard said he learned from porn how to do it. He said no one gave him lessons. He said women would just tell him to stop it. Howard said he shouldn't consider himself good at it because he didn't have that much experience. Howard said he knows he needs a manicure. He said his nails are disgusting.
Howard said he thinks he'd catch a finger on her clit if he did it. Robin said you can scratch a woman doing that. Howard said he may have sliced off a few clits with his claws. Howard said some women liked when he would touch them though. Robin said the girl needs to be very ready to be touched. Howard said he thought the idea was to touch them to get them ready. Robin said you touch the outside areas to get them ready. Howard said it's so complicated with women.
Benjy said that many girls like a cock in them so why not like fingers. Howard said they have nails. He said that you might as well stick a cock in them.
Howard said Benjy was touching BiBi's breasts and she liked it. Benjy said he thinks he just pinched her nipples. Howard said she lit up when he did that. Howard said Benjy gets the creepiest look on his face though. He said he zeroed in on her and it was crazy. The Howard TV guys showed what Benjy was doing and he was pinching her nipples. Benjy said those implants were really good. He said they have a nice shape. Howard told Robin to watch and tell him what Benjy is doing.
The caller, Shandor, was annoying Howard with the way he talks. He said he's not sure what's going on there. Shandor said he's trying to keep his voice down. He walked outside to talk at a normal level.
Howard asked the guy what he does. He works for some satellite company or something. Howard said he had a game to play with him so he could shut him up. Howard said he had a Miss Howard Stern game. He had a Gary the Retard game where they ask him to say a word with a certain letter. They also have a Wendy the Retard game to play. Shandor picked the Gary the Retard game.
Howard asked why he chose that game. Shandor said he thinks that he can relate to a retard because he might be one himself. Howard said they gave Gary the letter A and asked him if he could say a word that begins with the letter A. Shandor said he thinks he will be able to say a word. Howard played the clip and Gary said ''I don't know... I?''
Howard said they gave Gary the letter M next. Shandor said he will not be able to do it. Howard locked him in with that answer. Howard said he thinks that Gary will be able to get this one. He played the clip and Gary said ''Man.'' He did it. Shandor missed another one.
Howard said he's been told by the company that he can't give away money unless he gets it right. He said they gave Gary the letter G next. Shandor said he thinks that he can do it. Howard played the clip and Gary said ''Girl.'' Shandor finally got one right.
Howard said they gave Gary the letter L next. Shandor said that he's going to say yes. Howard played the clip and Gary said ''L? Dog?'' He got that one wrong. Shandor lost the game. Howard said he would give him one more chance.
Howard said they gave Gary the letter I and Shandor said no. Howard said he thinks that he should have said yes. Howard asked if he was sure he waned to lock in on that. Shandor asked for Fred's help. Fred said he thinks he can do it. Shandor went with him because he's uncircumcised like Fred. Howard played the clip and Gary said ''I... I don't know.'' Fred said that he did say ''I don't know'' and the letter I was in there. Howard gave him the win. He said he just wanted to get off the phone with Shandor.
Howard was about to put Shandor on hold but he had more to say. Howard said he wants to get out of this conversation so he put him on hold. They went to break after that.
Gary said that Ryan was interviewed for a news program a few weeks ago and Ryan started to well up when they brought her up. He said Ryan thinks they're on the same page in life so he got all upset talking about it.
Howard said he hopes that everything goes wrong for them. He hopes that the Footloose movie tanks and something goes wrong and they break up. Howard said Ryan is pretty talent less. Robin said she's gotten over it. Howard said he's talented as an announcer but all he has to do is read a teleprompter. Howard said he has never had it that easy. He said he wants a game show like what Gene Rayburn had. He said he'd end up telling the contestants they had no way of winning. He said he liked on Deal or No Deal where the people were broke but they would give up the 10 grand go to for the million.
Howard said he was offered a game show years ago by Endemol and they wanted him to make people laugh. Howard said he just wanted to walk in like a shithead and ask questions. He didn't want to put out his own personality. Howard said he probably would end up ruining it. He said he'd want to show his ass or get dressed up in some stupid outfit.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon brought up BiBi Jones and Howard said that stuff kind of turns him off when he hears that she will take just about any guy. Jon also brought up Scott the Engineer, Debbie the Pet Lady and Ass Napkin Ed, Hulk Hogan and more.
Robin started her news with a story about Michael Douglas starring in a Liberace biopic. Robin said Douglas is going to play Liberace. Matt Damon will play Boober. Howard said that's funny. He said he and Fred should have been up for that. Howard said Fred should have played Liberace. Howard said he could have played Boober. They did their impressions of those two. Howard said he'd like to see that movie. Robin said this is a Steven Soderberg movie so it might be worth checking out.
Robin read about the latest Sexiest Women Alive edition of Esquire magazine. They say that Rihanna is at the top of that list. Howard said she's chubby. Robin said she's big but not chubby. Howard said he thinks she's chubby. Howard said she looks like she'd break his penis in bed. Howard asked Benjy if he would fuck Rihanna or BiBi Jones. Benjy picked BiBi. Robin said this is what Esquire said. Robin said Beyonce, Rosie Huntington-Whitley and others are on the list. Howard said that chick Rosie is hot but she can't act. Howard said Ralph told him Transformers 3 was a good movie. He had Ralph on the line and asked how he could like it. Ralph said he saw it in the theater and it was good. Robin said she thought it was the best of the series. Howard said he didn't like it.
Ralph said they have a 3 hour GEEKTIME starting at 11 on Friday. He said they're going to be at Comic-Con. They also have an interview with William Shatner.
Robin read about some of the other hot chicks on the Esquire list. Howard said he had no idea who most of those people were. He said that's like what his father was like when he was growing up. He had no idea who anyone was. They had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin said her headphones had just fallen apart. Howard took a call so she could fix them. Robin said she was fine by then. The caller asked if Robin goes to London because she has a man over there. Robin said she does not.
Another caller said he can't go attacking Ryan Seacrest the way he does. He said he should let others be and not attack them. Howard said no one in this world can have anything but him. Robin asked if he ever wishes that his friends had the love he has. Howard said he does not. Then he said he actually has and he does think that it's so fulfilling. He said that he wouldn't wish that for Ryan Seacrest though. He will do it for his friends though.
Gary said once Howard sees this interview he mentioned earlier he's going to hate him even more. He said they show Ryan all of the shows he produces and then they go through his great relationship and his radio show. He said Ryan says he likes being ''vanilla'' and he doesn't want to be controversial. Howard said this caller can go be a fan but he's not happy for him. Howard said Ryan isn't even vanilla, that's too much flavor for him. The caller was going on and on so Howard just hung up on him.
Howard said he's not happy for anyone and he's sorry but he's not that evolved. He said he thinks that he should have everything and everyone else should have nothing. He said he's not happy most of the time. He's angry and envious most of the time.
Robin read about the top shows of the week. She said football was number one and then NCIS and Two and a Half Men. She said that Dancing with the Stars, more football, NCIS Los Angeles and Big Bang Theory and others. Robin said number 20 is ''Two Broke Girls'' and that's one of Whitney Cummings shows. Robin said they're saying that Whitney's show was picked up too and they're talking about bumping up her salary. Robin said that it's not clear what she's making for ''Two Broke Girls'' but that has been picked up for a whole season. Howard said he's happy for Whitney but he doesn't want to see her too successful.
Robin read about a woman who was charged with child molestation and bestiality. She looked into that more and found out the name of the doctor who was charged. Robin said they found pictures of this woman with animals. Robin said they brought in a 6 year old to spank her and play with her and a sex toy. Robin said she's a recognized scientist who has won awards. Robin said that she's very well respected in her field. Robin said the woman was charged with bestiality but not the boyfriend. Robin said she's still in jail.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that on the Wrap Up Show they were talking about how Howard never would have let Conan leave his midnight show and if that was his thinking then Howard never would have left Washington. Howard said that's comparing apples and oranges. Howard said he was number one in Washington but he was only making $40,000. Howard said it's a different situation. He said Conan had the greatest job of all time at 12:30am. He said he wasn't beating Craig Ferguson, a Scottish guy with an annoying accent, so he doesn't get why Conan's agent would want him to move to a more competitive time slot. Howard said he knew that he could go anywhere and win himself. Conan couldn't beat a Scottish guy or infomercials. Howard said Conan turned down a multi-million dollar deal to work at FOX. He said that would have made more sense. Howard said Gary doesn't know anything. Howard said he took Gary in when he was a teenager. He said he doesn't know anything. Gary said he wasn't a teenager. He said he was 23.
Gary said that he was just saying that Howard would tell most people not to go after a bigger job. Howard said he was just talking about Conan. Howard said the guy had a cush job and he was making good money doing it. Howard said when Joan Rivers tanked on FOX they came to him and asked him to do a show. He said he sat down with Rupert Murdoch and Rupert wanted him to be the late night show on FOX. Howard said he sat down and thought about it and he figured he had it made on radio so he turned down the TV show.
Howard said Conan's agent should have sat him down and told him he had it made at 12:30 and just collect his paycheck. Howard said he never should have taken over the Tonight Show. Howard said he sees Craig there all the time and he loves the guy. He said that guy could end up in Letterman's slot if Dave leaves. Howard said Craig should stay on at 12:30. Howard said the smartest guy in show business, besides him, is Carson Daly. Howard said he stays on at whatever time he's on and no one is looking for him. Robin said even NBC doesn't realize he's still on. Howard said if he was killing at that time slot he'd tell him to do something else. He said he's doing just fine at that time so stay there.
Howard said he knows who should move up and down. Gary asked if Kimmel should move to 11:30. Howard said he's told Jimmy not to complain and just stay there. He said that Jimmy has a great deal. He said if Nightline tanks and they want to put him on then take the job. Robin asked if he should move down. Howard said he should just go with whatever they want to do. He said Jimmy shouldn't worry about what time he's on. Howard said he doesn't need to rock the boat. Robin asked if he should move to 12:30 if they want to put Conan on. Howard said he told him not to put up with that bullshit. He said Jimmy is doing better than Conan in the ratings. Howard said Jimmy Fallon is doing great in his time slot too. He said he should stay there.
Howard said if Jimmy Fallon was kicking Scott Ferguson's ass... Gary said it's Craig Ferguson. Howard said if he can beat Craig, then he can try 11:30. Gary said he was talking to someone about when Letterman leaves they'll move Craig to 11:30 but they'll pay him the same he's making now. Howard said he thinks that he might be out of there in a year. He said that he should take the longer contract and stay in that time slot.
Gary said that Conan grew up wanting the Tonight Show. Howard said they wanted the Johnny Carson Tonight Show. Howard said it doesn't matter. He said Johnny was a creep. He said they have to stop idolizing that douche bag. Howard said he treated comedians like assholes and they all sucked his balls. Howard said he was one contentious bastard. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a terror plot that was disrupted. Robin said they're saying that Iranians were plotting to kill an ambassador on U.S. soil. Howard said we can't afford to go to another war. Robin had some audio clips of an official talking about how this plot was going to work. Robin said they have arrested one of two suspects.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why they're not supporting David Arquette like they did with Sanjaya. Howard and Robin said they do support him. Howard said they have a different number to call each week for the show. He said he can't give it out because it changes. The caller called Robin a cunt as he was getting off the line. Robin laughed and said he's an idiot. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a republican debate that took place yesterday. Robin had some audio of some people like Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry from the debate.
Robin read about President Obama's jobs bill not passing through the senate. Robin had some audio of Mitch McConnell commenting on that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was thinking of Benjy and BiBi Jones. She was going on a little too long so Howard hung up and took another call. The next called talked about how great the Behind the Scenes stuff is on Howard TV. Howard said he saw some of that and it was really good. He said they had some Sour Shoes stuff they have coming soon and it was fascinating.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that when they go on vacation he has nothing to listen to. He said these other shows aren't good because they don't hang up on bad callers. Howard said a lot of these shows allow people to ramble on. He said the hosts have nothing to say and the listeners have nothing to say. That caller said Robin isn't a cunt. Howard said he took offense to that earlier caller calling her names. She didn't deserve that.
Robin got back to her news and played a clip of Aretha Franklin singing the National Anthem last night.
Robin said that Paul McCartney got married over the weekend and Barbara Walters is related to the wife. Howard said she's related and very close to her from what he read. Howard said he thinks that she may have set them up on their first date. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about an elderly man who was knocking on doors in Florida offering free breast exams. He was 81 years old. Howard said they say that since he was found out breast cancer has gone up. Robin said that two women were fooled into thinking he was a real doctor. Robin said he could get 45 years in prison because of this.
Robin read about hip hop star Pit Bull having some trouble pronouncing the name Marcia Ambrosias while announcing some nominees for the American Music Awards. She had a clip of the screw up.
Robin said that Jack Osbourne announced last night on Piers Morgan that he's going to be a father. Robin had the audio of that. Howard said they may have conceived while Jack was on the phone on their show.
Robin read about a new movie that's coming out with Steve Martin, Owen Wilson and Jack Black. Robin had some audio of Rashida Jones talking about the movie. Howard said she's the daughter of Peggy Lipton and Quincy Jones. Howard said she looks kind of hot. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that Gange, JD and Benjy all said no to her. Gary said he gets where they're coming from. He said the guys are afraid that they'll get Googled and find out that they slept with a porn star. Gary said that they know a lot of porn stars and some people think they're really dirty. He said he gets that Gange gets Googled and people find out that he was with Kendra Jade.
Gange said that the first thing that a girl he dated brought up was that he dated Kendra Jade. Gange said that he told her that it was a long time ago and she was only a stripper at that point. He said you see Kendra is a porn star and he slept with her. He said it's the first thing that comes up when you Google him. He said it's come up like 2 or 3 times when he's dated women.
Gary said that JD dated a porn star by the name of Kimberly Kane. JD said he didn't really date her. He went out with her a couple of times. Gary asked why he won't sleep with BiBi. JD said that most porn stars do it protected. He said BiBi is doing it unprotected. JD said he doesn't think that she's really interested in him anyway. He said he tried to call her a few times and she didn't seem interested. Gary said he thinks she just wants sex.
Jon asked how he tried to get in touch with her. JD said he called and left a message. He said she left him a voice mail asking for phone sex so he called her. He said he left her another voice mail. He said it was probably the next morning. He tried following up for a month or so and then he gave up. He said it was maybe 5 times that he tried.
Gange asked if he would have met up with her. JD said he probably would have. Jon asked why the rest of the guys didn't go for it. Benjy said that he thinks that it's a stigma to other woman. He said he thinks BiBi is very attractive and cool but it would basically be a one time thing. Benjy said for a one time fuck of a hot girl he's not sure if it's worth it.
Gary asked why that is different than the anonymous sex he's talked about having. Benjy said he doesn't do that or talk about that anymore. He said it's different when it's someone's name that you know about.
Benjy said that he had breaking news about how BiBi said she won't fuck Pete. He said he heard this from the TV guys. Benjy said that's just what he heard. Pete was in so he said that's the first he's heard of it. Gary asked if she gave him a number to call or anything. Pete said he didn't get a number or any contact information.
Benjy said that Lee from Howard TV was the one who told him about this. He said Lee said that BiBi said she wasn't interested in having sex with Pete. He said he's not sure if it was for everyone there or just Pete. Benjy said he didn't get it first hand.
Jon said that she seemed to be all up for it. Doug Goodstein came in and said that the open sore on his face was the problem. Pete said that he doesn't know what it is. He said he has some antibiotics for it. He said the doctor said it was for a pimple that he squeezed. Jon asked if the open sore is just an excuse. Gary said he's not sure. Gary said Pete kind of looks like an AIDS patient. Gary told him not to take that the wrong way though. Jon asked how he couldn't.
Gange said that they found that line that BiBi draws. Pete is that line. Gary asked if it was just the sore or was it Pete in general. Benjy said they could ask her about that.
Shuli came in and said that he spoke to her and she did say she was not down for banging Pete. Shuli said he told her it could be just a sore or AIDS. Benjy said maybe she felt it was nicer to say yes on the air and never call.
Jon asked Pete what he would rather have, face to face or second hand. Pete said he'd rather have it face to face. Benjy then said he was just kidding and he'd get him laid. He didn't know Pete was in the studio when he brought this up.
Jon said that maybe BiBi could sense that he wanted more than just a bang. Pete said after the show he was saying they could see where it goes. He said it's not a guaranteed relationship or anything. Gary said it's not a relationship at all. Gary said that Pete seems to think that it could lead to more. Pete said he just wanted to see how it goes.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get why so many guys aren't willing to fuck this chick. Gary said if they do it they'd have to talk about it on the show. The caller said that you have to do stuff like that for the show. He said that she's fantastic looking. Gary asked if some of the guys aren't fulfilling their jobs. The caller seemed to think that's what it was like.
Gange said that if she came up to him in a bar and said she wanted to fuck him then he would absolutely do it. Gary asked if he would try to get in touch with her without letting the show know. Gange said nowadays he wouldn't do that. He said that in the old days he would but with the Howard 100 News team there's no way he'd do it.
Gange said he's heard from random girls that JD has tried to text them and stuff. He said that the news gets out there. Jon asked how far he sends out his web to get these girls. JD said he doesn't know. Jon asked how many girls he tries to text on a daily basis. JD said he doesn't know. He said it's not that many these days.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why JD was trying to fuck that Spitzer chick but he won't fuck this one. JD said she wasn't fucking a million guys a day. Gary said he doesn't know how many guys she fucked as a call girl. JD said she was probably safe.
Gange asked if JD would be more into her if she was only into him. JD said if she was into him at all then he'd be into her. He said he didn't feel she was into him at all. She said if she was into him then maybe.
Jon asked Pete the same question. Pete asked him to repeat the question. Jon asked if it makes a difference if someone was a call girl or a porn star. Is there a distinction between them for him. Pete said he might think it's kind of skeevy if they're really openly talking about it. Pete didn't have much to say and he was kind of rambling.
Jon asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy said he gets what JD was saying and you want to be ''the one.'' He said that you can go out and get a prostitute but it's not hot because you're paying for it. He said you might feel that there's nothing special about you and you're not hot. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Benjy got compliments on the way he handled the touching. Gange said that she had really great breasts. He said that they might be the best implants he's seen. Gary said that JD moved right to him when he got there. JD said that he gave a very pedestrian squeeze and left. JD said that he did it after Pete so...
Jon said that it's kind of a been there, done that kind of attitude. JD mumbled and said ''Kind of... yeah, whatever.''
Benjy said it was great to be able to do it. JD said they could tell since he spent 5 minutes squeezing her nipples.
Jon asked Pete what he felt. Pete said they were fake but he was all into it. Jon asked if he was intimidated by what the other guys did. Pete said he didn't. Jon asked if he felt a connection with her. Pete said he did but he's not sure if she did. Jon asked Pete what he feels about JD saying that he followed Pete so that's why he rushed. Pete said maybe it's a jealousy thing. Pete said he may be jealous of JD since she seems to go for him.
Gange asked Pete if he thinks he's better than JD. Pete said he isn't and that's kind of a weird comparison.
Ralph called in and asked them to take a shot of the open sore on Pete's face. Jon said that Teddy (@tedmicrophone) put up a shot of him. Ralph said he found it weird that she didn't change her tone the whole time. Gary said she had something going on with her voice. He said she went up and down a few times.
Jon asked Pete where he meets girls. Pete said he goes to bars but the girls treat him like shit. Benjy said that he thinks that they should try to do a pick up artist kind of thing with him. Jon said he's a really good guy but he's a little quirky. Gary said a bar is a bad place for that. He said he's a good hearted guy but you don't get that across in a bar. Pete said he's tried online dating too. He said he tried Match.com and it just doesn't work. Pete said no one responds. He said he puts himself out on the line and he gets nothing.
Gary asked if he would date a girl with Tourette's. Pete said of course he would. Gary said maybe there's a Tourette's dating service out there. Benjy said he needs to get a job too. He said that would help.
Pete said he is looking for something. He had a job at the gym last summer. He said that was a year ago though. Pete said he's trying to find something in his town and there's nothing.
Jon asked Pete if people have Googled him and found out something about him. Pete said no. He said there is no conversation out there. He said that he gets to a point and then the conversation stops and doesn't go anywhere. He said there's a block there.
Gary said that Pete doesn't have much to say when you try talking to him. Gary said that he has to learn to help move a conversation along. Gary said he wasn't trying to blow him off today. He said he doesn't have a lot to say. Pete said he just doesn't know what to say. Pete said talking is better than writing for him. Gange said sometimes texting can be easier. They had to take another break after that.
Benjy said he thinks that the man code depends on how hot the chick is. Benjy said that he would fuck Mary. Jon asked if he was serious. Benjy said if there were no repercussions then he would do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they were talking about that breast exam in the news and he was thinking about Beth getting her breasts felt up too. Gary didn't get what he was going for there. Neither did Jon.
Another caller asked JD why he didn't want to sleep with her. He wanted him to answer in a complete sentence. JD said that he might not get a full sentence out. JD said that she sleeps with guys unprotected. He said it seems like all of the girls he's had sex with talk about it on the air. He said he also doesn't think that she's that interested in him. The caller asked if he thinks that she's for real getting guys in the elevator and things like that. JD said she's a very nice girl and he thinks that she might put it on a little bit. Gary said he thinks that Will is the most cynical there and he thinks that she's the real thing.
Jon asked Pete if he likes Hulk Hogan. Pete said he liked wrestling but didn't have a favorite. Gary said he hates wrestling and never watched it growing up. He said he knows who like 3 people are. He said that they used to turn Hulk down years ago but he likes him when he comes in and talks like a normal guy. He said he's not sure if he's a champion or what. Jon said he was the guy who crossed over into film. He was in Rocky II.
Gary asked if Hulk won a lot of Wrestlemanias. JD said he won the WWE Championship Title. He knew a lot about who he beat. Gange said he thought he beat the Iron Sheik.
Gary didn't know much about it and asked what Wrestlemania is. Jon said it's like a big melee where they have a bunch of guys in the ring. Jon asked Pete who he remembers. Pete said he knew Bam Bam Bigelow and guys like that. They went through some other wrestler names and Jon said they could do that all day long.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to see if they could do a live show on Thursday and Friday. He said he'd rather hear that than the other stuff they're doing. Gary said he will bring it up with Tim since he's going into a meeting for programming for 2012. They had to end the show around 11:15am.
Howard Stern Show Is Back Live. 10/13/08. 6:00am
Howard started off the show welcoming people back to a live show. He said he went on SternFanNetwork after his wedding and he will never go on again because it was so brutal. He said that he felt so guilty for not being on the air last week. He said that they were going off on him for not being there and not being funny for the past year. He said he gets depressed when he reads that stuff.
Howard said that one guy wrote ''Why are all of you haters on here?'' Howard said they're his fans and they hate him. He doesn't understand it. Howard said he's married now. Artie said that this is the first time he's worked with a married Howard Stern.
Howard said that he met A-Rod the other night and he had no clue it was him. He was out to dinner and someone marched him over to the table and introduced him. He said he introduced Beth as his wife for the first time and that was kind of strange for him. He had to think about it before he said who she was.
Howard said that the women were going nuts over A-Rod when they saw him there. Howard didn't recognize him and thought he was the bus boy or something. Robin said that her driver was even telling her how good looking the guy was when they were driving one time.
Howard said he was stressed about his wedding before hand. They didn't give out the location for the wedding before hand because they didn't want a lot of people just showing up. Howard said that Donald Trump gave out the location when he announced he was going to be there. Howard said that Trump thinks that they want that kind of coverage but they really don't need it.
Howard said that he doesn't know for sure that Trump let the information out but he assumed it was him because it was in Page Six. Howard said he didn't want people to worry about that kind of stuff at the wedding but the word got out.
Howard said he was kind of the calming source with Beth when they were talking about what was going on. He said that he figured they should just go with it and have fun. Howard said they had a lot of Paparazzi hanging outside of his apartment so they had Ralph run out pretending to be him. Then he and Beth ran out when they all followed Ralph.
Howard said that they didn't know what to do about the wedding and he tried to keep it somewhat private. He said it got out and didn't turn out that way but it all worked out anyway. Howard said he's not even sure why he tried.
Howard said that High Pitch Eric showed up and hung out outside of the place. Dominic Barbara was all over the news giving details of the wedding too.
Howard said that Beth had this wedding dress made and it was the hottest dress he had ever seen. He said that he knew about the dress and it was showing off the crack of her ass and stuff like that. He said that the designer was really cute. He said he's got a picture of her helping Beth get dressed so he wants to put that up on his web site.
Howard said that the people on SFN were bashing her saying that Beth looked like a whore in the dress. Howard said she was trying to look hot. Robin said that it wasn't tasteless or anything, it was actually amazing.
Howard said that there were some people who were feeling Beth up after the wedding. He said that he was already married and people were touching her and feeling her up. He said that she didn't even wear any panties and that was driving him nuts. Howard said it was pretty cool actually.
Howard said Beth got really drunk and he had to take her home around 1 in the morning. He said that she was really getting wasted. He said that he had some drinks himself but only about 2. He said that he wasn't drunk because he was stressed out worrying that people were having fun.
Howard said that Phoebe Snow and Billy Joel sang songs there at the wedding and he was thinking that people weren't hearing them. Robin said that she didn't hear Billy at first because she was in the back of the room. Howard said it was pretty special and cool that he sang at his wedding. Howard said that Phoebe is amazing too.
Howard said they had a back room and had Pat Monahan sing a song there too. Howard said that he thought that people were leaving and not seeing all of these people performing. Robin said there was a big crowd there and there were people singing there. She said she had more fun there than at any other wedding because it didn't even seem like a wedding.
Artie said that it was a very special night and very unique. Robin said that it stayed amazing the whole night and it was amazing.
Howard said he was very proud of Artie for staying sober at the wedding. He said that he stayed until midnight or so. Artie left and went to a poker game that night but it was with some AA guys. Artie said he had to replace drinking with gambling so it was kind of weird. He said that he actually won some money in a $2,500 buy in game.
Artie said that the game started about 10 and he went in at midnight or so. He said he was up $3,700 at the game. Artie said its' more about the game than about drinking so that's why it was okay for him.
Artie said he doesn't need to drink because he can go out and have fun. He said he was having a great time talking to all of the people at his table at the wedding. He said that John Stamos' date, Leah, was very pretty and very nice.
Howard said that they had Mark Consuelos perform the ceremony because the guy is such a nice guy and he was willing to do it. Howard said he was very good with the ceremony and they didn't drag it out too long. Robin said that it was great because they didn't drag it out like the minister at Bubba's wedding did.
Howard said that they wrote their vows at the last minute before the wedding. He said that the only thing he wrote before the wedding was to TiVo their favorite TV shows. He also had some lines about shaving his body hair and wanted to include one about Dutch ovens but he left that one out. He said he should have brought them in to read to everyone. He said that Beth started crying when he was reading them.
Howard said that Barbara Walters wanted him to e-mail his vows to her so she could read them on The View but he didn't want to do that. He said he's not sure he even wants to share them on this show.
Howard said that Natalie Maines sang ''When I See Beth Smiling'' at the wedding. He said that she was great and he doesn't think enough people heard her. Artie said that the guy sent that song in and he's dead now and he has no idea that they performed it at the wedding as they were walking down the aisle.
Howard said that the guy who wrote the song was Lonnie Heckman. He said that it was Jimmy Kimmel's idea to have Natalie sing the song at the wedding. Robin said it was a great start for the whole thing. Artie said it really was a great thing. He said that the guy must be really happy if he's looking down from heaven.
Howard said that he'd love to hear what she did but even he missed some of the song. He said that she told him that she added a line to the song. He said that they have a lot of pictures from the wedding but only released two of them to the press.
Robin said she saw some of the pictures that Kelly Ripa got from Beth. She said they really were amazing. Artie asked Howard if they sold pictures to the press. Howard said they didn't but they were offered a lot of money for that stuff.
Howard said that he and Beth agreed that they weren't going to sell the pictures to the press but they would release a couple. Some people told him to give the money right to a charity. He said that he doesn't believe in getting paid money and giving it right to charity. He said that he feels he should donate money that he has earned to charity.
Howard said that Beth sent her pictures over to Georgina, the dress designer, and she gave it to her press people. They gave the picture to Us magazine and they were asking if they were exclusive pictures or not. Beth said they weren't and they got all upset that they weren't. Howard said that he told Beth to cut off all discussions about it because he wasn't looking for any money.
Howard said that they walked into the wedding and went right up and got married instead of making people suffer through stuff. He said that Mark Consuelos did his thing and did so much research to figure out what to do. He said that Jimmy Kimmel even read a poem there for them. He said that he started off really serious and it wasn't funny at all. Then he broke into this funny stuff and it turned out to be great.
Howard read Jimmy's poem and the first couple of lines were very serious but then he goes into what love means and talks about all of the strange things that Howard does. He said he really thought that was great.
Robin asked what's going on with Jimmy and Sarah Silverman. Howard said he asked them about that and they wouldn't even tell him. Artie said he saw them kissing next to him. Howard said he thinks that they may be scared to say they're back together but he was very happy to see them together at the wedding.
Howard said it was very weird to see that Jimmy and Sarah were broken up. He said that they are a couple and there's no disguising it. He said that it would be like him and his wife getting back together and playing with each other's genitals. He said that Jimmy and Sarah are kind of like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.
Howard said that the people on SFN were talking about how he was going to spend the whole show talking about the wedding so he's not going to do that. He's going to get it out of the way and that's it.
Howard said that he got to his serious stuff in his vows and Beth broke down and cried. He said that she doesn't cry a lot so it was very touching that she did during that. He said that she may have looked at him and just figured out what she was getting into.
Howard said that there was someone yelling at him to look at Beth during the ceremony because he was looking at Mark. Howard told everyone that he was sorry he was looking at Mark but Beth admitted that she was looking at him too. Howard said that Mark and Kelly Ripa seem to have a great relationship. He said that she's a hot piece of ass.
Howard said that he spent a good hour writing his vows and they worked on Beth. He said that he had to really think about what he wanted to say.
Robin said that Howard said something about Brian Phelan in his speech and poor Brian was sitting in the back of the room. Howard said that he was walking in the day before his wedding and Brian came up to him and said something to him. He said that he really likes Brian. Phelan came up to him and wished him luck at the wedding and then told him if he needs advice to just ask him. Howard said that he kept walking but then stopped and asked Brian what kind of advice he had for him.
Howard said that he stopped in his tracks and asked Brian what advice he had. Brian seemed shocked. He said that Brian said that he thinks that when he's up there getting married he should look at her smile and take that happiness and make it his own. Howard said that he realized that this fat drunken fuck really knows something. He said that he is so going to hold it inside of him because it makes so much sense to him. He said he's like an Irish Yoda or something.
Howard said that Brian wasn't the only one to give him advice. He said he had some other people giving him advice too. He said that he got some advice from his agent and from his driver as well. His agent told him that when you're single you're incomplete. When you're married, you're finished. Then his driver told him that he had enough fuel in the car to drive him down to Boca before the wedding so he could get out of it.
Happy Birthday Artie, More Wedding Discussions. 10/13/08. 6:40am
Howard said that they missed Artie's birthday over the weekend. He quickly mentioned that and got back to the wedding stuff. Howard said that he didn't cry at the wedding but it was hard for him to concentrate.
Howard said he was asking some other people for advice on the wedding and he threw some of the stuff into his speech. Then he said that both he and Beth included lines about having each other's backs in their vows and they didn't share them ahead of time. He thought that was kind of cool.
Howard said that he and Beth had gone to Le Cirque one night and that's the place they wanted to have their wedding party.
Howard said that Richard Christy wrote a note about watching Benjy eating his vegetarian meal and it was like watching a fat bunny rabbit. Artie said that there's never enough food. Howard told him that he should have loaded up on Bread.
Artie said that he saw Bubba there and he didn't seem like he was any smaller than him. Howard said that Artie hardly ate at the wedding because there wasn't much food. Artie said that his plates were all cleaned off.
Howard said that he hopes that people enjoyed the songs that Phoebe Snow performed. He said that she did two songs. He said they were ''Everything I Do, I Do It For You'' and ''Darling You Send Me.''
Howard said that after the meal the guys went back and did some more songs. John Stamos played drums with the house band and Phoebe and Pat Monahan were singing.
Howard said that at one point he was hoping that Natalie Maines would perform some more songs. She got up to do some more songs with the house band and he thought it was going to be really cool. He was hoping she'd do ''Landslide'' but didn't want to pressure her into it. Then Jillian Barberie got up to perform with her. Gary said he loves Jillian but she was the closets thing to having invited a wack packer to the wedding. Gary said that he heard her screaming when she met JD and people like that.
Howard said that Jillian and Natalie got up to sing the song. Artie said that he missed that performance. Howard said that Jillian was doing all of the singing and Natalie was hardly doing anything. Howard said that it was horrible. He said that Natalie probably sings it better than anyone in the world and then Jillian goes up and sings the song at the top of her drunken lungs.
Howard said he was in shock. He said that he was hoping that Jillian would stop singing and let Natalie take over. He said that all of a sudden the song is over and Jillian asked him if it was okay that she sang and if the song was ruined. Howard told her that the song was fine and it wasn't her fault the song was ruined. Then Sarah Silverman came up to him and asked him ''What the fuck was that!?'' He said that if Sarah had a gun she probably would have shot Jillian.
Howard said that Steve Shirippa said something to someone about the performance and left the wedding because he was so pissed. He said that he heard that Steve thought it was like Karaoke and he could sing even better than her.
Howard said that there were some other cool things going on there at the wedding. He said that Ralph made a speech that he worked on for 7 days. He ended up throwing that one out. Gary said that Ralph was going nuts trying to come up with the speech because he worked on it for so long.
Howard thanked Artie for reading his book dedication at the wedding. It was dedicated to Howard. Howard said that Artie was jotting down notes during the wedding so he could make his speech and roast people. Howard said that there were some nice speeches from his friends and then Chevy Chase got up and made one. He said that was spontaneous. Chevy was talking about how Howard gave him anal warts many years ago and he thought it was funny. There were some people who were offended by the speech. Artie said that he laughs at Chevy because he makes faces and stuff. He said that he was even throwing shit at him at the table.
Howard said that Ronnie was there at the wedding and he wasn't drinking. He said he had a clip of Bubba talking about Chevy being a dick. Howard said that Bubba was there and so was Brent Hatley. He said that Scott Ferrall was there and he was doing some kind of Vogue-like dance there.
Howard played the audio of Bubba and his guys talking about the wedding. Bubba talked about some of the cool stuff that went down and then he went off on Chevy Chase for being a dick. He said that Chevy was trying to be shocking and the rest of the people, like Artie, were just being funny.
Joe And Janice, The Broken Penis Couple. 10/13/98. 7:40am
This guy and his wife came in to talk about how the guy broke his penis. Joe and Janice explained what happened about 3 weeks ago. The two of them have been married for about 6 years. They had the chance to go out one night so they went out drinking. They came home and went at it. Joe said that he was holding out longer than usual and his wife had 5 orgasms already. They were going at it pretty vigorously when Joe slipped out. As he headed back in he missed the target and snapped his penis. He said it popped like a cork out of a bottle. Joe got up, went to the bathroom, then called his wife to come in and look at his penis. By then it had ballooned up to the size of an apple and it was still growing. Joe was afraid that it was going to burst because of all the pressure so they went to the hospital. They got a male nurse who tried to tell Joe everything would be okay but Joe said the look on the guy's face told a different story. The hospital had to call in a urologist and it took an hour and a half for him to get there. Eventually they had to operate on his penis to go in and fix the broken blood vessels. Joe said they had to cut around the head of the penis to get inside. Joe was in pain for a while but he's getting better. He took pictures of the mess and showed them to Howard. It sounded like Howard was cringing as he was looking at the pics. Joe said his doctor told him that he couldn't have sex for at least 4 to 5 weeks and after that it would have to be oral for a while. Joe said he'd call in and let Howard know when they have sex for the first time.
John said that he has made good money on the stock market. He said he made like $30,000 on one stock trade. Robin said the amount of money he put up is mind boggling. Gary came in and said that John has helped him make some good money. He said he did get screwed on a couple of deals but he's done okay.
Howard asked Jackie if he follows John too. Jackie said that he didn't get out of the stock at the right time so he didn't make the kind of money John did.
Gary said Jackie just ignored it and he lost out. Howard asked what was up with that. John said Jackie has to stay on top of it and sell when it's high. Howard asked Robin what she's doing. Robin said that she called her accountant and he didn't want to let her do any of this stuff with John. She did take some money out and gave it to a broker. She said John has never lost her money.
Mike Gange said that John had him so convinced that he convinced his father. John said he was trying to do favors for everyone and now he's afraid that he's going to hear it if they don't make money.
John said he had a guy come up to him and tell him that he made money on a stock he mentioned on the air. Howard asked John what stock they should buy today if they wanted to make money. John said it was Casino World. Gary said there goes their money. Howard asked if John owns it now. John said he does. Jackie said that he has to work his two grand back up. He said he had his 10 grand up to 12 grand but then it fell to 2 grand. John said he told Jackie to sell. He said he ignored him and didn't sell. He said you have to take it in small bumps. He said Jackie thinks he's going to get one big pay out.
Howard asked Gary if he's still investing. Gary said there is one more he's going to try. John told him to tell Howard what money he made. Gary said he didn't want to say but eventually it came out that it was around $50,000.
Gary said John has a guy who is ''the guy'' until he loses out. Then John finds another guy who ends up being ''the guy.'' He said he keeps moving from guy to guy.
John said he thinks Jackie made about 50 grand on Westwood One. John said that he will put his own money into a stock and make Howard money with it. Howard said he's sucking him in with this. Gary said that the guy John is dealing with now is the ''genuinely good guy.''
Howard said Ralph wants to get into this too but he doesn't think he should. Howard asked Ralph if he's going to turn it over to John. Gary said Ralph can't decide if he should invest or buy a jet ski. Howard kicked Ralph out a short time later.
John said he got a call one day where the guy told him that he made 40 grand on one trade. Gary said he got that call too. He said he made about 20 grand.
Howard said he's in there busting his ass and this is what those guys are doing out there. He said they're in there trading. Howard said it's hard to believe this is the same guy out there stalking Katie Couric with goofy questions.
Howard asked Robin how much money she's got tied up in this. Robin said John is taking care of the money for her. John said that he has lost some money. Gary said Greg the Engineer was in on it too. John said that everyone is up. He said Greg had some down days but he bounced back up. He said he took care of Greg.
Howard said his mom told him that he should wear her underwear if he didn't have any of his own that were clean. Howard said he used to have his mother wash out his dirty underwear in the bathroom sink. Then she'd hang it from the shower. He said he was probably about 6 or 7 at the time. Robin said he just said he was about 11. Howard told her the shush.
Howard said his mom would wash the underwear and it was embarrassing so he'd just go out and bury it in the back yard. Gary came in and said his mom was on the phone for clarification.
Howard had his mom, Ray, on the phone and she said that when he talks about her he should call her first. She said she should be in on these conversations. Howard said he swears to god this story is true. Ray said that these stories are not true. Howard said they are. He said his mom told him to wear her underwear. She said this never happened. Ray asked what kind of story this is to make up. Howard swore on his life that he wasn't making this up. She said there is no way she ever gave him her panties.
Howard said she did offer him her panties. Howard said he was on her bed painting his toenails. Howard said he swears that she offered him her panties. Howard said he tried them on and he swears that he did this. Howard said he told Robin this story when they were in Washington. Ray said he makes these stories up. Howard said it's interesting what his mother chooses to remember from his childhood. She said that it's interesting what he chooses to make up.
Robin asked if there is anyone who can corroborate his story. Howard said possibly his sister. Howard said he didn't want to wear his mom's panties but his mom told him no one would see them. He said he was afraid that his pants would come off and someone would see them. Ray said she'd let Howard wear them now. Howard said she's sick.
Howard said they went into her room and she told him to try on the panties. Howard said she used to take his temperature rectally until he was 18 years old. Ray said that was a medical thing. She said he wasn't 18 either. Howard said it was 15. Ray said ''whatever.'' Howard said she would dim the lights first at least.
Howard said his mother told him to put on her underwear and they were big cotton crotch panties. Howard said Robin Leach had a look on his face like he's never put on his mother's panties. Howard said he put the panties on and he wasn't going to leave the house. Ray said he's going to get struck saying he swears to god about this. Howard said what his mom ended up doing was telling him to put on some dirty underwear instead. Ray said that's not such a bad thing.
Ray told Robin Leach that she's a big fan of his show. Howard said he's dating a young girl after dumping his wife. Howard asked how she can admire him and not her own son. Ray told him to stop.
Howard said he thinks his mom hates sex. Ray said she does not. She said she thinks sex is there to stay. She said she's not going to reveal to him her sex life though. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that.
Robin Leach asked if they gave Howard advice. Howard said his dad once asked if he wanted to know about sex. He said he told his dad he knew more than he did and didn't need any. Ray said that the can give general advice and that's enough. Leach asked her for an example. She said the 10 commandments is a good start. She said they taught him not to lie.
Howard told Ray to ask dad if she ever put him in her panties. He had her put him on the phone so he could talk to him. Ben got on the line and said he kind of remembers this incident. Ray asked what he was talking about. Ben said he imagines that it could be true. Howard said he would take a lie detector test about that. Ben said it was a very innocent thing. He said the fact that Howard didn't take them off for 3 years is another thing. Robin Leach said they've finally learned what makes Howard tick. Howard said goodbye to his parents a short time later.
Fred's Nephew Justin Visits. 10/13/99. 7:10am
Fred's 20 year old nephew Justin came in to visit his uncle this morning. It turns out Fred and his brother don't get along too well so he doesn't see his nephew much. He said he saw him a couple of years ago and before that it might have been 20 years or so. Justin works up at WCCC in Hartford, Connecticut as in intern. He's following in his uncle's footsteps and is even going to the same college. At one point Howard asked Justin if he wanted to give his uncle a hug and he said ''yes.'' The two of them embraced for a couple of seconds and Howard kiddingly said it looked like Fred was going to cry. He also said that the two of them look very much alike. Justin said it's pretty cool to have an uncle who's pretty famous and most of the family feels that way. Fred's brother used to beat him up as a child and that's part of the reason he doesn't stay in touch with him. He said there's more to it than that but he wouldn't elaborate on the story. Justin said that he wants to stay in touch with his uncle now and he may come to visit him more now.
Howard asked Belinda if she's having marital problems. Belinda said she's really not. Howard asked about the movie that her husband produced ''Sex, Lies and Videotape.'' Howard said that she must have been freaking out that he was just giving away her money.
Howard asked Belinda about some of the music videos they've done and who directed them. Belinda told Howard asked how many albums they sold. She said she thinks it's around 4 million. Howard did some math and tried to figure out what she's making on that. Howard said he's heard stories about how the record companies really screw the artists. Belinda said that it's not even a dollar but it's not 4 cents like Howard thought. Howard said that's not right. Belinda said she's not complaining, she did good.
Howard tried more math and figured she made about $20. Howard said that had to be wrong. He figured she made $2 million. Robin said it sounds more like 200,000. Howard said his math says 2 trillion. Belinda said it's between 2 cents and 2 trillion. Howard said making 200 grand off of an album like that doesn't seem right.
Howard said his friend wrote a song for Belinda's friend's album. Howard said her name is Rosetta Stone. Belinda knew who he was talking about.
Howard asked who took the picture of Belinda. She said that it was Herb Ritz. Howard said she is really special.
Howard said that Bryan Adams and George Harrison are both on this album with Belinda. Howard said he should play the Bryan Adams song. Belinda told Howard how the George Harrison thing came about. She said she also did a song with the other girls from the Go-Gos. She said she's not sure if they'll ever do another record together but they may do some shows. Robin said it sounded like they didn't even want to see each other again. Howard said that she doesn't need them anyway. Howard said she kicked them in the face and he loves that.
Howard said he had a song he was working on for her next album. He played a track of some Italian song. Howard asked what's going on with Bryan Adams. Belinda said he's working on a new album. Howard said he's a good guy.
Howard said he can't believe that her husband produced ''Sex, Lies and Videotape.'' Howard said he'll never be able to do that again with a million bucks.
Howard said he has to get a nose job. He said he wants to look like everyone else. He said he wants a nose like Belinda has. He said when he gets his new, small nose her clothes will come right off.
Howard said he's kind of nervous for Belinda. He said he thinks she may have rubbed off her lucky charm. Howard said he thinks that Belinda is already looking forward to missing them. Howard said she came in there dressed pretty conservatively. He said his sister wears things like that. He said she's wearing an antique sweater. Belinda said she is kind of conservative.
Howard gave Belinda some plugs for her album, Runaway Horses, and said he did buy her last one. Howard said he doesn't mind supporting her.
Howard played a song saying it was Belinda's album but it was a song about Lesbians instead. Howard said he had a track called ''Kill the Seals Slowly'' from her album. Belinda said that was horrible. Howard said he was joking. Fred played some seal sounds and then some gun shots.
Howard played some of Belinda's single and said he smelled a hit. He said he could hear it. Howard said he loves the way her voice quivers when she sings. He asked if she does that on purpose or does it just happen. Belinda said it just happens.
Howard played a couple of tracks off the album and talked about what a good person Belinda is. Howard said he can tell if she has a hit on her hands. He said he knows that she has a couple of hits on this new album. Howard played another track and said he liked it as soon as it started playing. He said it had an African sound to it, like Sting. Howard said he might want to use that song for his movie. Robin said it was very nice and she liked it.
Howard told Belinda that she's a winner. He said you can sense it when you have a loser in there and she's not one. Howard played another track that he liked. He said this one had a Rolling Stones sound to it.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Belinda before wrapping up. Howard said he approves of her and they don't approve of many.
Howard said that Coolio's real name is Calvin. He said that he had to switch into the non-white man voice. He thought he was coming in but Stuttering John came in instead. John said they were eating and they'd be in shortly. They came in a minute later. Howard said he saw the guy from the video. He said he looked pissed off too. Someone said that he was going to kick his ass.
Howard said hello to Coolio and the guys who came in with him. One of them was D-Dawg. Howard didn't understand him at first so it took a few tries to get an answer. Howard introduced his guys and said that Jackie was Mahat Macoat.
Howard said he loves the voice of this guy who looked so pissed off. Howard talked to LV who said that LV is his stage name and it stands for Large Variety.
Howard asked the guys if they were going to the million man march. He said he was going himself and he'd be in his OJ mask. Howard said that he thinks OJ was framed. He was trying to relate to them. Howard asked Coolio what he thinks. Coolio said he's not sure what happened. Howard said you have to stand by the jury. Howard said he's just trying to be one of the brothers.
Howard said when he heard the song ''Gangsta's Paradise'' it blew him away. Howard said he really likes the song. Howard asked the guys if they've ever had a white woman. LV said he hasn't and Howard didn't believe it. Howard said Coolio had to have had a few white broads. Coolio said he's been here and there.
Howard asked if the white broads come back stage after a show. They said the black women must come up to him after he does a show.
Howard asked if the guys are all married. LV is married. Howard asked how Coolio hooked up with him. LV said they've known each other for a while. Howard said LV is very relaxed like Don Cornelius. Howard said that guy was really laid back.
Howard asked if Coolio is on any drugs. Coolio said he's been clean for 8 years. He used to have a crack habit. Howard said that's very gangsta. Howard said he's not like Sinbad or anything like that. He said he's really street.
Howard asked Coolio if this is his posse. Coolio said that they're his homies. He said he grew up with these guys. Howard said they must be from Compton. He said that's what you have to say if you're from California.
Howard said he really likes Coolio's song. He said he listened to it the whole time he was writing his book. Coolio said he remembers seeing Howard's ass on MTV.
Howard said he heard he wasn't going to do his song live in there. Coolio said he wasn't afraid to do that. Howard sang some of the song and Coolio said he needs a banjo to go along with that.
Howard wanted to play a track off the album. He said that they have to hear these guys. He said he thinks this is the best song of the year. Howard said that he's going to have to come back and accept an award later in the year. Howard had the guys perform ''Gangsta's Paradise.'' They did that and had Howard sing along toward the end. Howard said that has to be the best song of the year.
Howard asked Coolio if he had met Stevie Wonder since he used his song in that song. Coolio said he actually did do a photo shoot with him and Stevie listened to the song and sang along with it.
Howard asked the guys if they had guns on them today. They said they were searched before they came in. Howard asked LV if he's spent time in jail. LV didn't want to say. Howard asked if he stole some old lady's purse. they weren't saying. LV said he used to jack white people when he'd make them get out of their cars. Howard said he must have been in for selling a little weed.
Howard told the guys to just imagine the slave days. He said he doesn't think he could handle these two guys. One of the guys said that they'd cut all of Howard's hair off if they were the master.
Howard gave the guys a plug for a show they were doing that night with Wu Tang Clan and some other groups.
Howard talked to the guys about his days living in a black neighborhood. He said that he didn't know why he was the one getting beaten up. He was actually living in the neighborhood. He said they should have been going after the white kids in other neighborhoods.
The guys wanted to hear Howard sing ''Gangsta's Paradise'' so Howard played the background track and tried to sing it. Howard gave up in the middle of it saying it was hard. Howard said they made his day coming in today.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Coolio and found out he has 5 kids. Coolio said he's busy taking car of those kids so he doesn't have time to go to the million man march. Howard asked who has the biggest package. They asked if he was gay or something. Howard said he has 3 kids of his own. He said they're all from different women. He said he's got one black child and two with Robin. Howard said he's actually boring and they're all with the same woman. He said he's been married for about 20 years now.
Howard said that Coolio must have sperm the size of trout. Coolio said all of his kids kind of came at once. He said they came in a period of his life when he was doing some things. Howard said he must mean the crack. Coolio said he's right.
Howard told the guys about how Dennis Rodman's people called there asking Robin to come out for a date with him. Robin said she didn't get that message. Howard said they have a whole itinerary for Dennis so she can pick a date. Howard told Coolio and his guys they'd better make a date soon if they want one before Rodman.
Howard said he had to wrap up with the guys. Howard thanked them for coming in. Howard said he appreciates them doing the song for them.
Howard got in some plugs for the video tape that was due out in 4-6 weeks. Howard said he clearly got points that he wasn't credited for in the games.
Stuttering John came in and said that Sam Kinison was on the phone. Howard picked up on Sam. Sam said he had a scoop for him. He said that Andrew Dice Clay is in jail. He said that he got home last night after flying in. He said he made up with the girls and they're all happy now. Howard asked Sam to be honest and answer this question. Howard asked if he got Jessica Hahn. Sam said he didn't. He said she didn't even show up to his show.
Sam said there's a coffee shop out there called Ben Franks on Sunset Boulevard. He said he hasn't been in there in 3 years. He said he pulled in and two squad cars were there and he saw them putting Dice in the car in handcuffs. Sam said he asked what was going on. They told him that Dice was kicked out a few weeks ago and he came back so they called the cops when he refused to leave. They had the cops come in and they locked him up for trespassing.
Howard asked if it was just a scene from a new movie or something. Sam said he's sure it wasn't. Howard asked why he was thrown out originally. Sam said he was apparently standing on a coffee table doing his act and it was a little crude for the clientele. Sam said they took him in and arrested him. Sam said he was in heaven when he heard the story.
Howard and Sam got some laughs out of all of that. Howard asked if he's having a nervous breakdown or something. Sam said he's not sure what's going on with him. Sam said there were cameras there catching it all. He said it will probably show up on CNN or something.
Howard asked Sam about making up with the girls. Sam said they were fine and they were able to get into the house while he was away. Howard said Sam was in town and it was a couple of wild days. Howard said the girls don't need to know that Sam slept with those two other girls. Sam had to get going so Howard let him go.
ATWH: Wilt Chamberlain's Death. 10/05/11. 10:10am
Next on ''And That's What's Happening'' they played a clip where Robin was reporting on Wilt Chamberlain's death. Robin read some details about his life and said he died at 63 in bed. Howard said that's the way it should have been. He should have died on the court or in the bedroom. Robin said he was 7'1'' tall. Robin said he had just had some dental surgery and he wasn't feeling so well. She said it was also reported that he had lost 50 pounds over the past several months.
Robin had some audio of Wilt that she had Howard play. Robin said that his skills were so advanced that they had to change the way the game was played. Howard said he wants to talk about the broads.
Howard took a call from a guy who ended up getting cut off. Howard said he thinks he wanted to tell them that he saw Wilt's big penis.
Robin had some audio of people talking about Wilt's death but that caller was back. The caller said he did see Wilt's penis and it was huge. He said it was basically hanging down his leg. Robin said now she's grieving. Howard said one guy mistook it for a towel rack. Robin had some more audio of people commenting on Wilt's death.
In this clip Robin was reading some news about John Denver's death. They played some of his music and Robin said she hated all of his songs. Howard sang his own song about John and how he died.
Howard played some of Denver's songs and found out that one of the live songs he covered was ''Leaving on a Jet Plane.'' Howard wondered how many people were in the audience for this performance. He said he sounds like a sad guy. Howard said he wrote a lot of bad songs. Howard said those were his hits too.
Howard played some of the song ''Fly Away'' that he did with Olivia Newton John. He played the live version of the song he did without Olivia. Howard was shocked that anyone even knew that song in the audience.
Howard played some of ''Annie's Song'' that was actually a big hit. Howard said he might like that one a little bit. Howard said he rewrote the song years after his divorce. He sang some of his own lyrics about that.
Howard said John must have been in love with her. He said he must have had a ton of dough because he did write a lot of hit songs. Howard made up some more lyrics about John's divorce. He said he didn't even know that was Annie's Song. He said on the Billboard charts they tell you that he was married to his wife from 1967 to 1983 and that song was written about her.
Robin said she read that he stayed friends with the wife even after they broke up. The ex-wife's sister was the one who identified his body. Howard played the dueling banjos clip of Crazy Alice and some other people yelling at each other.
Ray said that they spent a whole afternoon there talking to the Dateline people. She said they told everyone they were going to be on the show. She said that her square dance caller told everyone that they were going to be on the show.
Howard said he was going to tell his mom the reality in two words. He said they were ''show business.'' Howard said they do this all the time and they actually had to cut 6 additional minutes out of the show last night. Howard said that his mother needs to be quiet for a minute and listen. Howard said she was just upset and this is ridiculous. ray said she should be upset. Howard said she shouldn't have told anyone that she was going to be on TV. He said he told her what they do with editing. He said they just needed a short clip of what his home life was like. He hasn't lived there for 20 years.
Howard said he was going to rent a house and stick some prop parents in the house. Ray said he should have. Howard said he shot this thing for two days and it was the happiest two days for his mother. Howard said when he's not there she gets to go to the fruit store or the yogurt shop. Howard said they stare at the walls all day long.
Howard said he's not going to go to the yogurt store every day when he gets older. Ray said she's furious over this. Howard said he had nothing to do with it. Ray said she wants to know what she signed. She said it was a release or something. Howard said it was. Ray said she wouldn't have signed it if she knew it was going to be like this. Robin asked if it was good for Howard. She said Howard was terrific. She said that they bamboozle you into thinking you're going to be a part of it. She said Ellen called up destroyed that they didn't even show her. Howard said his dad hung himself after seeing that special. Ray said that Ben is so broken up over it that he doesn't want to go square dancing anymore.
Howard said he did a thing with a woman in a wheelchair while they were shooting footage and they didn't use it. Howard said they don't give you a guarantee that you're going to be on.
Ben got on the phone and said the point is that he spent about 20 minutes with Stone Phillips. He said it was an in depth discussion about radio and TV. Ben said they did take after take. He said all he saw was the back of a guy with a bald head in the special. Howard asked if he's really that upset. Ben said he's never going to tell anyone he's in something ahead of time.
Howard said that they have to take hours and hours of tape and turn it into a few minutes. Ray said he could be sympathetic to their feelings. Howard said that they have to listen. Ben said all Howard wants to do is talk and talk. He said if he didn't then they'd all be in trouble.
Howard said he told them not to make a big deal out of this whole thing. He said they were doing all kinds of special things and he didn't want them to. Ray said Ralph spent 10 minutes on her. She asked how long he spent on Howard. Howard said that it was about him. He said he warned them that they would barely be in the thing. Ben said he did tell them that.
Howard said his mom was thrilled that he was running around the house showing them around. Ray said Howard asked them to do the special and no one was too happy. She said she was the one who pulled it all together.
Ray said that they could have shown them at the table talking. Howard said there was no guarantee that they would be in it. He said the TV show people wanted to do a private thing with him and he chose to do it at their house.
Howard went back and forth with his mom about that whole thing. Howard said that she was there and she was seen on TV. He said she was on TV and as far as her friends are concerned she was interviewed on TV. Howard said her friends are so jealous of his success. He said they were banking on him being a failure.
Ben said he couldn't get a word in so he was going to hang up. Ray was still rambling about this whole thing. Howard said she doesn't really care if she was on TV. He said he can't believe he's hearing this from her. He said she's being silly.
Howard told his mom that she's being a big shot there. He said that he knows something about TV. He said she's looking at the show and evaluating everything she said. Ray said she's never going to do it again. Howard asked why she cares. He said that she's all over the place being interviewed. He said that it was a 12 minute piece and she should focus in on the time they did show her in it. He said they showed her kissing him hello and sitting down to eat. Ray laughed. She said that no one even ate any of that food. Howard said it was prop food that NBC bought.
Howard said he'll show the missing footage on his New Year's Eve special. Howard said he's really sick of this discussion. Robin said that she is making a big deal out of nothing.
Ray said that she was fooled and that's what she's upset about. She said she could care less if she's on TV. Howard said he warned her that they wouldn't have her on for long if at all.
Howard said he loves his mom like a son. He told her to go back to dad and he'll cheer her up. Robin asked if they're going to stay in today to avoid people. Ray said that there's no chance of that. Howard said he's going to do her a favor and send her padding for all of the walls in the house. He told her to go check on dad because he's probably in the garage with the car running.
Author Jean Robinson On The Phone. 10/13/97. 7:45am
This woman wrote a book called ''How To Survive In Spite Of Your Family''. It's about racism within black families and how to deal with it. Howard interviewed the woman for a while about the book and took some phone calls from black people who have had this problem. Jean, who is 71, told Howard that her mother treated her poorly just because she had darker skin than the rest of her family. Her mother once said to someone, ''..isn't it ugly..'' like she was a piece of crap or something. At one point in the interview Jean was rambling on about the man who wrote ''Amazing Grace''. I don't know what her point was but she started singing the song. Let's just say that she should stick to writing. If you'd like to order the book just call: 1-888-231-2509
Comedian Rick Shapiro, Former Male Prostitute. 10/13/04. 9:10am
Howard had an audio clip from a porn movie playing when they came back from break. Then he had Kelly Clarkson (High Pitch Erik) on the phone to sing Happy Birthday to Artie. He was doing the Kelly Clarkson impression he did when he prank called Eric the Midget. Erik screwed up the call when he asked Howard about his move to satellite radio. Howard isn't talking about that stuff right now so he bailed out on the call.
Comedian Rick Shapiro came in to hang out during the news. Howard said the guy used to be a male prostitute years ago when he was on a lot of drugs. Rick told Howard he was on heroin back then and didn't remember how he got into that stuff. He claims that he never had sex with guys when he was a male prostitute. Howard wondered how he gets into something like that if he's a straight guy. Rick was dishwashing at some place and he was trying to take acting lessons. He didn't have any money so he stopped in at this restaurant Rounds because he liked what they had on the menu. He was getting ready to leave and asked for the check. The waiter told him that the bill was paid for and asked for his hand. He then noticed that there were no girls in the restaurant. The guy brought him over to two queens and they offered to buy him a drink. He got drunk and they asked him if he wanted to go back to their place with them. He left after that but tried to get free meals by doing stuff like that after. He would have guys follow him around buying him dinners and stuff.
Rick said that he was doing stuff like that for pretty small amounts of money. He's not proud of that stuff especially now that he's talking about it on Howard's show. Rick says that he had a set up with a service that would hook him up with women who were wearing blindfolds. He said he would have sex with these girls. He said one time this woman pulled off the blindfold and a midget came out from behind a wall and told them to put it back on. Rick kept saying the S-word during the interview so the delay kept getting hit.
Rick claims that he worked for a Jewish Mafia when he was into all of this stuff. Howard wondered what he had to do for them. Rick said there was drug dealing going on and they were in with the Columbians and helped smuggle drugs. He said he was an idiot because he would just put it in his pillow. Howard thought they were pretty fascinating stories. They wondered when he last did a guy. Artie said it was probably when he last did heroin which was between 18 and 20 years ago according to Rick. Rick said he used to fake crying with dudes to get stuff out of them.
Gary came in and asked Rick about this girl who died when she was doing drugs with him. Rick said he was supposed to dump her in a river but he wasn't able to do it. Howard wanted to get more info out of him but he couldn't name names. He said that this woman overdosed on drugs and died. He's not even sure what happened to her body after she passed away. Robin thought it was funny he got into comedy after having all of that stuff happen to him. Howard thought it would be quite a pre-interview if he ever went on The Tonight Show.
Rick said his mother doesn't believe any of this stuff so Howard told him how his mother doesn't even believe that he ever smoked pot. Artie said his mother bailed him out of jail once and won't even admit that he was ever in jail. Rick says that he is only with women now and he's ravenous with them. He told a couple of funny stories about being interviewed for jobs where he thought about telling them about his many experiences but thought better of it. A caller told Rick that his stories are funny and they should create a sitcom around them.
Howard wanted to get into the news after that but Robin was wondering how he got off the drugs after going through all of that stuff. Rick said that he used to walk around talking to himself on the street and ended up going away to some mental institutions. There was a lot of delay hits going on as Howard started the news. They tried to play one of Richard Christy's song parodies about Robin's breasts but the delay was hit at least 3 times during that bit. You can find out more about Rick at PoCreations.com
At one point during Robin's news Howard came back from break and said that he was really aggravated because he had to go somewhere and his limo was gone. He had meetings to get to and other stuff to do and Ronnie took the limo out of there to get it fixed without discussing it with him. Howard was getting very upset about what was going on but Mike the Limo Driver came in and told him that they would have a car for him soon. They managed to calm Howard down when they said that everything was taken care of and a car would be there for him when he was ready to go. They ended the show around 10:20 this morning.
This week's ''This Date in Howard History'' was over around 11:50am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.