|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he wanted to get right the fuck out of there already. He asked Robin how her weekend was. Robin said it was tough. She's been running and it's depressing. Howard said she'll never do it again. Howard asked how long she ran. Robin said she ran 25 miles. Howard said she's doing a lot of extra miles. Robin said she wanted to see how much she could do and it wasn't pretty. Robin said she never recovered from the 18 she did last weekend.
Howard said Robin is over doing it and she's getting too close to the marathon. Robin said she's going to rest this week. Howard said they usually have you cut down on it and not do so much. Robin said that was her fault. She said she went out and did the 25 on her own. Howard asked if she was afraid she wasn't going to be able to do it. Robin said she didn't know.
Howard told Robin she has to follow the NY Runners Club suggestion and stick with that. Robin said she'll be okay. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said she's always doing her own thing and that's not good. Howard said he heard she did like 23 miles last time but Robin said she never did that. She did 18. Howard said he and Beth both thought she was over doing it. He said he thought he had some information about her over doing it. Robin said he might be right. Howard said if you can do the 18 then they figure you can do the 26.
Howard said Robin is doing too much running. He said she'd getting a little carried away. Robin said she learned to just run until the depression goes away.
Robin went out and saw a movie called ''Buried'' too. She said that was a good one. She told Howard what the movie is about and about how strange the premise of the movie was. Howard said no one is going to go see it so she can ruin it for everyone. Robin told everyone who didn't want it ruined to turn down the sound. She then told the end of the movie which was (Spoiler alert...) the guy dying.
Robin said she saw the movie ''Devil'' too. She said that M. Night Shyamalan made that one. She said it was ultimately unsatisfying. Howard said he'd like to see it. Robin said ''No you wouldn't.'' She said that it really wasn't good.
Howard said he watched a great movie called ''I Spit On Your Grave.'' Robin said she saw that one too. She said that's opening in October. Howard said he just returned it to Gary. Howard and Robin talked about the movie and how this hot chick gets raped and then gets her revenge on the people who did it. Howard said he and Beth watched it and loved it even though it was brutal.
Robin said she saw ''Machete.'' Howard said he saw a bootleg of that. He said the studios won't send him a copy but his fans somehow have the bootlegs.
Howard said he watched ''Smallville'' and got annoyed with that. He said he's getting annoyed with ''Vampire Diaries'' too. He said he watched ''Nikita'' and they have such a hot chick in there that he had to watch. He said the chick is so hot and she might be hotter than the chick in ''I Spit On Your Grave.'' Howard said this chick was really fuckin' hot. Robin said Howard sounds like Pat O'Brien talking about her that way. Gary said her name is Sarah Butler. Howard said she's going to be a huge star. Gary said she hasn't been in a lot of movies. She's 25 years old. Howard said she's his new favorite actress. Gary gave her some information about her like her height of 5'6'' and Howard said he thought she was taller. Gary didn't have her weight. Howard asked what her bra size was. Gary didn't have that either.
Howard played the clip where Ronnie was accusing him of being in a bad mood that day. Ronnie was saying that Howard was just upset that someone called him old. Howard cut it off saying that it had nothing to do with that. Howard said Ronnie was never meant to work in an office. He said he was meant to sit in a limo and drive people. Howard said he was the one who took Ronnie out of the limo and put him in the office to do security. Howard said there is no way that he'd end up in an office environment without him. Howard said Ronnie wanted to do security and he helped him out with that.
Howard said Ronnie keeps his mouth shut in the limo but when he gets up there he won't shut up. He said he has to do the same thing up there that he does in the car. Howard said he became a whole personality and he's ''Ronnie Gone Wild'' now. He said they have interns and attractive women there and Ronnie just goes crazy. Howard said they treat him in a way at Rick's Cabaret that makes him think he has a way with women. Howard said Ronnie sees the interns there and thinks he can talk to them the same way. Howard said the interns want to be treated in a different way than strippers do. Howard said Ronnie doesn't get that.
Howard said Ronnie is just inappropriate all the time. That's why he came in last in the dating game thing. He said Ronnie says he doesn't care he was last. He said it should have been a wake up call to him.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking to some strippers and goofed on him about what he was saying to her. Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie was talking about how she was adorable but not completely adorable. He gave her his ''Definition'' and Howard said that the girls don't give a shit. They just want to make money. They're not getting paid while he's talking to them.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie giving his definition of one girl who was ''Super Smokin' Hot'' to him. Howard said Ronnie is like Hugh Hefner when he gets over to Rick's. He let that clip play out and Ronnie was saying he would love to fuck the shit out of her ''...no offense.'' That led to Fred and Howard doing their impressions of Ronnie. They made fun of what he was saying to this girl in the clip.
Howard said he's told Ronnie to think about a 110 year old woman hitting on him. He said that's the way the girls are looking at him. He said Ronnie doesn't want to hear that though. He gets upset.
Howard played more of Ronnie's definitions and he's telling the girl she's got ''great fuckin' eyes'' in the clip. Howard said that Ronnie sounds like he's in love. Howard played more of the definitions and Ronnie was saying that this girl was one of a kind. She was rubbing his nipples at the time so he was having a hard time concentrating. The stripper said she had a nipple fetish and she couldn't help it.
Ronnie came in and said he thought they were done with this stuff. Howard said he's not done. Ronnie said it's time for him to pile on Robin today. He said he's had enough of this already. Howard asked Ronnie about the stuff he was saying about this girl and why he was saying she was a one of a kind. Ronnie said she was very good looking and she was a one of a kind. Howard said Blue Iris was one of a kind too. Ronnie said it can be a good thing too.
Howard played more of Ronnie at Rick's talking to the girls and giving his definitions. In this one Ronnie was talking to Wendy and saying she's the kind of girl you can fall in love with. Ronnie told Howard she fell for that hook, line and sinker too. He asked how they ended up on this again. Howard just kept going and played more of the clip. Gange asked what his definition was again and Ronnie said that she'd have a very special place in his dictionary.
Howard asked how old this girl is. Ronnie said she wasn't 20 but he didn't say just how old she really was. Howard said these girls are prepared by Lonnie and they know what to say to him to make him think they like him. Ronnie said he knows what's going on over there.
Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap UP Show talking about ''Smiles'' so he played some of that. Howard said Ronnie doesn't need to be doing this kind of thing. He said he has to pretend there is a partition there and he can't talk to anyone.
Howard played the clip where Jon Hein asked Ronnie about what had gone on during the show on Thursday. He also brought up the thing with Robin and how she doesn't stay in touch with some of her friends. Howard said Ronnie is like that too though. He said that he has dropped some friends too. Ronnie said he has good reasons for stuff like that.
Robin said Ronnie doesn't know what's going on in her life so he shouldn't be commenting on that. Robin said she didn't want to get into it about what's going on between Ronnie and his ex. She said she backed off because of that. Robin said she doesn't want to be stuck in the middle of that. Robin also said that Neil left them and it wasn't the other way around. Ronnie said that his wife doesn't want him hanging out with him anymore because he's not with his wife. Howard said he used to see Neil all the time but now he calls him and they never get together.
Howard said Ronnie gets really insulted by this kind of stuff. He said Robin used to go over and watch the WWE with Ronnie but he got upset about that when she stopped. Ronnie said he was never upset about that. He said he doesn't care that they don't hang out. He said he used to hang out with Robin because Bonnie was her friend. Ronnie said he really doesn't care. Howard said he does care because he's complained about it to him. Ronnie said Robin has moved on so he's fine with that.
Howard said there's a different dynamic there now that Ronnie is divorced. Ronnie said that Neil isn't allowed to hangout with him because he's divorced. He said he knows for sure that's the reason. Robin said that Neil isn't the same guy he used to be. Howard said the guy just doesn't want to hang out with him. Ronnie said the guy won't admit that he's not allowed to hang out with him anymore.
Howard asked Robin what she talked about at Ronnie's when she was hanging out watching the WWE. Robin said that they used to have fun over there. She said Ronnie didn't give out nicknames back then.
Howard played more of the Wrap Up Show audio where Ronnie was talking about how Robin has changed since she started drinking the green drinks. Ronnie told the guys to talk to Robin about how she bailed out on Neil Drake. Howard said a lot of people stop hanging out with people over the years. Ronnie said that Robin was friendly with the guy for all these years and she just doesn't talk to him at all. He said they were friends for years. Ronnie said that it's no wonder she's so depressed. Robin said she's not depressed about her friends.
Howard said Ronnie has all new friends. Ronnie said that the show is all about him today again and he's done with that. Howard said he likes Ronnie. Ronnie said he knows that. He said people don't believe that he likes him that much based on conversations like this. Howard said Ronnie is a friend that he likes to keep in the closet.
Howard asked Fred if he's allowed to be friends with Ronnie. Fred said he thinks so. Ronnie said they get along just fine. Howard said he got a note from Jerry O'Connell and he said just two words ''Ronnie, Priceless.''
Howard let Ronnie go and played more of the Wrap Up Show clip where Ronnie talked about how they thought that Sal might have been doing something weird in the bathroom there. He spent like 15 minutes in the bathroom and they thought he might be tugging off in there. Sal explained that he had taken a dump in there. Howard wondered why Sal has so many ''stomach problems.'' He said he's never had any stomach problems like that. Then Sal was talking about going to piss with Richard in the other bathroom there.
Howard said he thought he told Sal and Richard to stop peeing together. He said he doesn't want them doing that anymore. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard said he has to figure out how to bring something else up since there were so many people on the phone about it. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that there's a Joey Ramone Boulevard there in the city. He said they keep stealing the sign so they had to put the sign double height so no one can see it. Howard said it's a waste of time now because no one can see it. Howard said he's not sure how anyone can steal a sign with so many people around.
Robin said there was a German parade going on over the weekend. That led to Fred playing a Hitler clip while they talked about the parade. Howard said there was a Muslim parade too. He said we have to show we love everyone in this country by allowing a parade. Howard said they should just be proud to be American and drop the other nonsense. Howard said he isn't anything but an American. He said he's not a hyphen American.
Howard asked if Craig is coming in today. Gary said he just walked in the door. Howard said it's Craig Gass and he wanted to just come in but he's late. Howard said he was supposed to be there at 7. Gary said he should have showed up at quarter to 7.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about Gary going on Letterman and what he should wear according to a fashion consultant. They gave some suggestions on what to wear so Gary may have to go out and shop. They suggested he dress like Javier Bardem. They also suggested that Gary wear a Spanx t-shirt that can slim you down a little bit. Howard asked Gary if he can stop licking his lips through the whole interview. Gary said he can't do that.
Lisa said that Robin has announced the charities that she's going to be running for in the marathon. Lisa read about thee charities and what they do. Howard asked how you get money from running. Robin said people pledge money. She said she'll have some sponsors. Howard said he's tapped out. Robin said he's so silly. Howard said he likes that Robin is helping people out with food. Robin said she's trying to help change kid's lives.
Lisa said they were on the red carpet for a new TV show and they got some interviews with Jason Schwartzman, Ted Danson and others. Lisa said that Jason is a big fan of the show. Ted Danson said that Howard busted his chops about 20 years ago and mentioned something that he had done and he appreciated that. Howard didn't remember what Danson had brought up. Howard let Lisa go after that.
The caller also mentioned that Artie has a new movie coming out called ''Serial Buddies'' and Richard Christy is in it too. Howard said he didn't know anything about that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard about the bedbug infestation there at SIRIUS. Howard said he wasn't going to talk about this because there was a theory that. He said he has this whole story to talk about. He said they were afraid that guests were going to cancel if they heard about that. Howard said they have gotten treatments there that makes them 100 percent bedbug free. Howard said they did all they could and they are bedbug free. Howard said that's the short story.
Howard said they were actually going to cancel the show today but they are there working. Howard said he doesn't want bedbugs in his apartment or anywhere. Howard said he has a dog come in and smell his apartment to make sure they don't have any. Howard said they don't have anyone over to their house either. Howard said they had one person over and it was taking a big chance. Howard said he doesn't need bedbugs. Howard said he doesn't want chemicals in his apartment or anything like that. Howard said he's very paranoid.
Howard said he got a call on Friday telling him that they had a bedbug treatment going on up on the 37th floor there. That's the floor above them. Howard said he asked if they checked their area. He said they had them check and they found that there was some bedbug activity. Howard asked what that means and Scott Greenstein tells him they have some racket going on there. Howard said Scott thought they were lying about it because no one had seen any bedbugs. Howard said he told him that they're not visible and they come out at night. Scott told him not to worry.
Howard said he was listening to the game plan about what they were going to do. Howard said they were going to treat the entire floor and steam it. He said heat or freezing cold will kill these things. Howard said the plan was to do that on Saturday. Howard said they were going to steam the place and then put down some kind of chemicals. Howard said he didn't like that. He said they really need to bring back DDT. He said he demands that the president bring it back.
Howard said these bedbugs are a nightmare. Howard said they're very hard to get rid of. They have an epidemic of them in the city right now. Howard said they should start using DDT to get rid of them. He said it's the god damn hippies that ruin everything. He said they don't care if there are bedbugs because they don't own anything. He said they live on a commune and don't worry about this stuff. Howard said they're douches for wanting to get rid of this DDT.
Howard said he hates mosquitos and malaria. Howard said some people go into shock from bedbugs and die too. Howard said people don't know that.
Howard said he wasn't going to come in until the dog came in and checked their area for bedbugs. Howard said he wanted the dog to walk around and check it and then he'd come in. Robin said they treated for no problem. Howard said they did have a problem because he demanded that they check. Howard said they found them all over the place. He said he's not making a joke about this.
Howard said they came in and did their number. He said they had already canceled the show and they were going to have a whole other agenda. Howard said he wasn't looking to get out of work. He said they would have done the show in another studio if they had to. Howard said he could have done it from anywhere. Howard said he didn't want the audience tuning in and not hearing the show. Howard said he's all wigged out by this whole thing.
Howard said they got him on a conference call on Sunday morning. He said the guy from the bug company was on the call and he was the top guy in the city. Howard said he must be very wealthy from what's happening in the city right now. Howard said he was on the conference call with Tim and Scott. He wanted them to bring in the dog on Monday morning but he said they can't do that. They put some chemical in the walls and they can't have the dog smelling it. Howard said they let people smell it but not the dog. The guy said that the chemical isn't considered a pesticide because it's not that strong. Howard said he told them that it was fine to breathe. They use it all over the place and the workers use it all the time without masks. They steam the furniture and don't put it on there.
Howard said Scott asked why they couldn't just do the show on Monday instead of Tuesday. Howard figured it would be the same. He said they changed the plan and decided to do the show today. Howard said he's all freaked out by it and he's itching and scratching. Howard said they claim that they purged the air conditioning and stuff like that and he's not sure how they could do that in one day.
Howard said they have to keep the dog away for two weeks. In two weeks they can bring the dog back in to sniff for bedbugs. Howard said he called his parents to tell them that the show was going to be canceled. He said he has to tell them when he takes off so they don't freak out. He did an impression of his mother hearing about the show being canceled.
Howard said his mother was asking about the chemicals and how he wasn't able to get fresh air in there. Howard said she was making him completely crazy and paranoid about that. He said she had him worrying about not having fresh air in there. Howard said his mother told him about how she went away for a year to live with her aunt and she was infested with bedbugs. She would wake up in the morning covered in blood because of the bedbugs. She was like that for a whole year. Howard said his mother's life is like one nightmare after another.
Howard said he and Beth had a whole Sunday night planned. He said he got home and lost the Monday off. He said he's so nuts now that he doesn't want to go back to his office to sleep like he does every day. Howard said he's getting off the air and he's going home. He said they're doing a 4 hour show and he's out of there. He said they'll try to start the news around 9. Howard said he's going home and taking a nap there. Howard said he was going to war a hazmat suit to work but they assured him that they're clear of bedbugs. Howard said he won't even put his jacket down because he's afraid that they'll get in there. Howard said the bugs are moving around and in his console and stuff.
Howard said he asked Tim and this guy where the dog barked but they weren't able to say exactly where. Howard said he's imagining that there are bugs everywhere. He said he wishes that he could just get out of there now and not wait for his contract to be up. He said he has a few more months but he wants out today. Robin said he's making her scratch.
Howard said he's stuck in the dark because no one will tell him anything. He said he's just hoping the chemicals don't kill him. Robin said she loves how he's worried about the chemicals but then he's asking for them to bring back DDT. Howard said this stuff is concentrated on top of their heads unlike DDT.
Howard said he didn't want to scare everyone there but it turns out Jay Thomas talked about it on his show on Friday morning. Gary said he heard that Jay was trying to get on touch with one of his guys and he wasn't able to get him. Then someone blurted it out on the air.
Howard said they told him that he could do the show from the Time Warner building but he thought they had a problem too. Howard said he was getting all skeeved out when he came in to get his hair done. He said he was asking specifically about where they were but he's just getting bummed out about it. Howard said they could be anywhere in this building and he doesn't know where else they are. He said they won't tell him. He said they could be coming up from the floor below. Robin said if they're not treating the whole building then they could be coming from anywhere.
Howard said he has to run out of there and get home. He said he's going to be hunkered down at home. Howard said they should burn the whole building down. Robin said the bedbugs are back because people travel the world and come back home with them in their luggage. Howard said they should build a new SIRIUS down by the World Trade Center and let the Muslims have this building fort heir mosque.
Robin said that people were tweeting to her about the bedbugs. She said she knew that the story was out. Howard said he was thinking about buying one of those dogs that smells bedbugs and let it live there to sniff around. Howard said he's only need one. Howard said that he could have taken two weeks off. He's not sure why he didn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could answer any questions he has about bedbugs. Howard said he's not sure what he wants to know. Robin asked if they are in danger from the pesticides. The guy said that it should be fine. He said they use boric acid and it's a natural thing that's in soap and things we use every day. He said they should be fine with it.
Howard asked why the dog can't come in and do the sniffing today. The caller said that the boric acid could keep the dog from picking up on the methane from the bugs. He said the dog could get some direct exposure from it while people won't. The caller told Howard about the chemicals they use and how it works at killing them.
Howard asked about them steaming the furniture. The guy said that they get the room up to 140 degrees and they leave it that way for like 2 hours. He said they have a machine that does a dry heat and they do that to kill the bedbugs. He said it's like a propane cannon type of machine and it gets very hot. The caller said they can take the tube to any room they want and they heat it until it's 140 degrees and they keep it there for 2 hours.
Howard asked what the odds are that this room is 100 percent bedbug free. The caller said it all depends on how they did the process. Howard asked why they could use the chemical if they heated the room. He said they use that to make sure they got everything because they don't know if some areas got up to 140 degrees.
Howard asked if he should have stayed away for 2 weeks. The caller said that if they did it right then it should be fine. Gary said he heard from Tim that they did their compound 3 times over the weekend. He's not sure exactly what that means but they did something 3 times.
The caller said that many of the bedbugs come from South America and people who travel there and come here. Robin said she wasn't in South America but she was in Central America. Howard said that the bugs would be gone if they had DDT. The caller said that he's right about the DDT saving people. He said they use it over in Africa and they cut down on the malaria cases there.
Howard said it's the hippies that are ruining this country. He said he's calling on President Obama to bring DDT back. The caller said they'd have to go through the EPA to get that back. Howard said he has to figure out how they can bring it back.
Howard asked the caller if he is a millionaire. The guy said he's not. He said he doesn't have a private jet or anything like that. Howard said he's liking this guy and he'd like him to be his pest control guy.
Howard found out that the name of the woman at the EPA is Lisa Jackson. She's the one who has to bring DDT back.
Another caller told Howard that the whole thing is a scam. He said that they bring the dog in and make you think you still have bedbugs. He said you have to have two companies come in with the dog and with the remediation. Howard said he thinks that's what they did. The caller said that they should take the time off if they really have to. The guy said that he knew a guy who had a bedbug crawl up his penis. Howard told him to get out.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's going to end up throwing out all of his clothes. Howard said he was told to expose them to high heat. Howard said they should have dogs checking people who come in there. He said he's really paranoid about that and the chemicals that they spread. He said he's freaking out over all of this. Robin said she's feeling kind of bad for the bugs. Howard said she's like one of these hippies that's ruining the country.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it is a good idea to have companies come in and check and another company come in with the remediation. He was also saying that he'd wait 30 days before coming in with the dog after treating the place. The guy said that Howard's chance of bringing a bedbug home from work is very small. He said that most of this is being driven by the media. He said they are a problem but it's not as bad as the press is making it out to be. Howard said he wants this guy to come in and check the building for bedbugs in a month. Howard put him on hold.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard about how paranoid she is. She said that they have to be careful and not get bit because some people can go into shock after being bit. That led to them playing one of the staff impression contest entries where the guy was doing his Mariann from Brooklyn impression. Howard said that was Andrew Pizano but he wasn't in the finals. Robin said that was impressive. Howard said he was really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a bedbug story. He said he and his wife moved to Florida and they stopped at a hotel in Georgia. They got up at 2 in the morning itching. He said they grabbed the pillows off the bed and slept on the floor. They turned the pillows over and there were bugs all over the carpet in the hotel room. He said that it's been 4 years since then and he still can't sleep. He said they won't sleep in those cheap hotels anymore. He said it was a nightmare. The guy said that they're moving their way up the country and it's getting worse and worse.
Howard took another call from a guy who said maybe the pest companies are planting the bugs to make more work for them. Howard said that has occurred to him too. Howard said that should be punishable by death if someone gets caught doing it. Howard said it's either us or them. It's life or death.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that they really do have to bring back DDT. She said that the cancer rates have actually gone up since they got rid of DDT.
Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about living in Roosevelt. Howard told a story about his mother talking about moving them to Freeport from Roosevelt. Howard said he thought she was nuts. Howard said he wanted to move to a white neighborhood, not another black neighborhood. Howard said they eventually moved to Rockville Centre. He said that was because of him demanding that they move to a place like that. Howard said his father was cheap and he didn't want to spend the money to move to a nice place. Howard said his parents love black people and he's not sure why they don't move to a black neighborhood now. He said they don't have to worry about him now. Howard said he was alienated as a kid because of the color of his skin.
Howard said Robin even got to grow up in a white community. Robin said it was a changing community. She was just there early. Howard said he got beat up all the time. Howard said he would love to send his mom to Roosevelt now. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he didn't like this song Fred was playing. Howard said Mick has to stick to his old songs.
Howard said that Craig Gass was there and he does the voices of Sam Kinison and Al Pacino. Howard said he looks good but he's put on some weight. Craig said he has gained a few but he's trying to lose it. Howard asked Craig if he's enjoying doing the comedy thing. Craig said he still enjoys it. He said the people who hate being out on the road are the people who hate life no matter what.
Howard asked Craig where he's living now. Craig said he's living out in Woodland Hills, California. Howard said he's always been kind of bummed out when he comes in there like when he was living with Eddie Van Halen. Craig also lost a girl he was dating when he found her making out with some other dude. Craig said he called a friend about that and he put Eddie on the phone with him. That's when Eddie had him move into his house. Eddie warned him that they were getting back together and the band might keep him up at night. Craig said he was cool with that. It was Van Halen after all.
Craig said he would hang with Eddie when they were getting back together with Sammy Hagar. He said that some of the guys didn't like him hanging out with the band though. He said that Michael Anthony was one of them.
Eddie gave Craig the gate code and a key to his house. Craig said he wasn't even that close to him. He said he later found out that Eddie's assistant was banging his girlfriend the entire time he was living at Eddie's house. He said this is the girl that was making out with some other dude when he left her alone for like 2 minutes. Howard said that has to be the worst feeling in the world. Howard said he had something like that happen to him. He said he found out that this chick he was going out with was fucking his best friend. Howard said she told him that she didn't know that she was his girlfriend. Howard said he just assumed that's the way it worked. He said they were fucking and you don't just fuck someone and go fuck someone else the next night.
Craig said he's had a couple of girls do that to him. He said that he tried to introduce a girl to Tracy Morgan once to impress her. Craig said that Tracy was wasted and he came up to the girl and asked her if she was going to blow Craig and then grabbed her face and squeezed her face.
Craig said Tracy Morgan will always recognize him but he never knows where from. Craig did his Tracy Morgan impression and told another story about a party Tracy told him about.
Craig told another story about going to Caroline's one night and he saw Tracy getting kicked out of the club. He said Tracy saw him there and was yelling at him to come help him. Tracy got kicked out of the club and he went out to find out why he was yelling at him to come out there. Tracy invited him to a party with Dave Chappelle so he ran out to tell Chappelle. Chappelle didn't want to go. Craig said he went to the address Tracy gave him and it turned out to be a bar. He thought that it was going to be an orgy or something. It turned out to be Tracy and one other dude.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who said that they should spray for leaches instead of bedbugs. Craig said he hasn't seen Yucko in about a year. Yucko said that Craig is a leach and he's posting pictures of Artie outside of a comedy club from this weekend and he should just die. Howard said he always feels like Craig is in trouble. He asked why Yucko would have a problem with Craig. Craig said he's not sure what's going on.
Yucko said that Craig name drops everyone. Howard said Craig is just telling them about his life. Yucko said that Craig is a scum bag. Howard said maybe this was about Yucko's wife since Craig was involved with her at one time. Yucko said it has nothing to do with that. Craig said it has everything to do with that.
Craig wasn't sure why Yucko was so upset with him when he's a racist clown. Yucko said he thought Craig was his friend but he's not. Gary said Yucko has been texting him all morning about this.
Craig defended what he had said about Tracy Morgan earlier since Yucko went off on him about calling him a semi-famous guy. Craig also said he's not name dropping. He mentioned that he's doing shows with Norm MacDonald and that's just a promotional thing. He said he's telling people so they can come check him out. Yucko also said that he just stoles in when he wants to and that's disrespectful. Meanwhile Craig hasn't been on the show in a year and a half.
Craig also told more of the story about Yucko's wife and how she was coming on to all of the comedians at the comedy club that night. None of them told Yucko what she had done that night and they really should have. Yucko said he doesn't care about that chick anymore. Yucko said that Craig showed up late this morning too. Howard said he was only 6 minutes late.
Craig told Yucko to make some jokes about his big head. Yucko said he's pissed that Craig is such a piece of shit. Howard said he's not sure what to tell him. Yucko said she should kick him and his big head out of there. Howard let Yucko go as he gave them a ''fuck you...''
Craig said he had people mad at him for telling that wild story he told last time he was on about fucking 3 chicks. He said he met one of the guys from Styx, Tommy Shaw, and he told him what his name was and he remembered the story that he told on the show last time. Craig said the story killed there on the show but on their tour bus no one was impressed. Craig said he told the story to the guys on the bus but no one cared. He said that he finished the story and the drummer of the band just said ''that is fucked up.'' Then Tommy Shaw told him he really had to go. Craig said that they were the band that made him want to get into show business and he bombed telling them a story.
Howard said Craig has no problem telling them when he bombs. Craig said he bombed at the Playboy mansion last year. He said they warned him that he was going to bomb too. Craig said they paid for 500 women to show up but not until the event was over. Howard said they had that happen when they were there. Howard said you can't do a show when guys are waiting for women to show up. Craig said that these people were bidding on all kinds of wild stuff and he was there to fill in for Don Rickles who had canceled the week before. He said no one said anything about that until they introduced him at the event. Craig said the entire crowd went ''Who!?'' when they heard his name.
Craig said that there were millionaires there in the audience asking ''Where's the pussy?'' while he was up there doing his thing. Howard asked why he didn't get off the stage. Craig said they had seating assignments and he wasn't able to find his table. He said that there were only 23 tables and he had table 24. He said that one was outside of the party. Craig said he ended up begin stuck at the hooker table. He said Ron Jeremy showed up with two plates of food saying ''They're giving away food!''
Howard asked if it sucks bombing like that. Craig said he doesn't mind telling the bomb stories because you always get something out of it. He told Howard about how Dave Chappelle is out doing his thing. He said that Dave told him that he doesn't want to go back on Howard's show because he doesn't want him asking ''So Dave, what the fuck happened?''
Howard asked if Craig is good friends with Greg Giraldo. Craig said he wasn't that close but they all heard about it the other night. Howard asked what he thinks went on there. Robin said that he was a recovering drug addict and he may have fallen back into old habits. The rumors are that he overdosed on prescription drugs over the weekend.
Craig said he had a drug problem and he had a heart attack at 32 from doing coke. He said he was up for a couple of days and he ended up not being able to breathe. He said that they went to the hospital and they told him he was having a heart attack. Craig said when you're an addict his weeks would usually end with him slowly putting his clothes together and he'd clean the surfaces of everything in the hotel room because he was doing coke everywhere. He'd have blood on the dollar bills he was using to snort with. He said that week with the heart attack ended with him leaving the hospital and thinking about going out to get a beer and a small amount of cocaine. Not enough to have another heart attack. He said that's when he heard the little voice in his head saying something was really wrong with that.
Howard said he never wanted to believe that Artie was high on the show. Craig said he saw Artie over the weekend and he lost weight and looks healthy. He said he had a great opening line of ''I am so glad Fashion week is over because I'm fuckin' exhausted.''
Howard said it was good to see Craig again. He said he got stuck coming in after the whole Bedbug fiasco. Craig said he always prays that Howard is going to be in a good mood when he comes in there. Craig said he was on the show once and Howard asked him why he was smiling. He said Howard told him that by the time he gets in there he just wants to get the fuck out of there.
Howard said Craig used to dye his hair jet black and now he's got this little thing going on with the hair on his chin. Craig said it was working for him until this very moment. He said he likes playing with his facial hair.
Craig told a story about Tracy Morgan coming into a club and throwing a comedian's notebook out into the street telling him that comedy comes from the heart. It turns out it was the guy's notebook full of phone numbers, not comedy material. Tracy didn't care. He just said that comedy comes from the heart. Howard said Artie always took notes when he was on the show. He said that not everyone works the way Tracy does.
Howard said he heard that a lot of clubs are going out of business. Craig said that the business is actually booming and a lot of comedians are doing theaters. He said he's working on a big theater tour but he can't say who is going to be on it.
Howard gave Craig some plugs for some gigs he has coming up soon. You can find out more on his Facebook.com page. Craig said he has a fan page there and he's putting cool pictures up when he runs into big celebrities. He said he was in the front row of coach and he saw the guy in First Class grab his bag and he shoved some people out of his way off the plane. Craig took some pictures of him and it turned out to be Kanye West. Howard said he should have yelled at him as Sam Kinison. Craig did some of his Kinison yelling at Kanye.
Howard said they did a ''Howard Or...'' thing with him and Kanye. He played the results and it turned out he tied with him for being worse. Howard said that was after Kanye grabbed that girl's microphone on stage. Howard said he can't be worse than Kanye. Howard said he had a Woody Allen ''Howard Or...'' thing. He said he wasn't sure if he tied with him or not. Howard played some of the Mel Gibson ''Howard Or...'' audio where a bunch of people picked Howard as being worse. There were tons of people picking Howard over Mel. It was 16 Howard Stern's to 9 Mel Gibson's. Howard said Woody Allen married Mia Farrow's daughter so he has to beat him. Howard played that clip next. Howard said he knows he's a better man than Woody. Howard played the clip and he got 6 out of the 10 votes. Woody only got 4.
Craig asked Howard if people come up to him outside of the show and say this to him. Howard said he had a woman craning her neck looking at him and trying to get his attention. He said they ignored her though. Howard said he never has anyone say anything to his face. Howard said Woody married his step-daughter.
Howard gave Craig some more plugs for his upcoming gigs. He said you can get tickets at BrownPaperTickets.com. Craig said he'll post a picture of him, Artie and Geno Bisconte and some of him and Yucko's wife. Craig said that Artie looks great and he looks like he did when he first started on the show. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he likes the line where Katy says something about Daisy Dukes and bikini's on top in the song.
Howard said he got a story handed to him about the guy who owns the company that makes the Segway and how he just died in a Segway accident. He said he thought it was a phony article though. Howard read the article about how the guy drove off a cliff into a river. Howard said the guy was using it to inspect the grounds of his property. Fred said this wasn't the inventor of the Segway. It was the owner of the company that produces it. Howard wondered if he has a lot of money from selling that thing. Howard read that the guy just bought the company in 2009.
Howard said Elle magazine put Gabourey Sidibe on the cover of their magazine and they're being accused of lightening her skin for the cover. They claim that they didn't do that. Howard said he doesn't care if they whitened her or not.
Howard said he guesses they should start the news and get out of there by 10. He said that from now on they're going to do that. He said he was going to play something from this radio show called Beulah that used to be on in the old days. Howard said she was a black maid and she was played by a white man. Robin said it was always a white man. Howard said he had no idea. Howard said he had to play this before getting to the news. He said this was probably from the 1940s. Howard said his friend sent him this link and he was totally blown out by it.
Howard played the clip and in it the dude was doing a really good impression. They were very racist with their material. Howard said hit sounds like her life wasn't so great. Robin said it didn't sound so bad in that clip. Robin said that she remembers a girl telling her that the reason there were so many black maids and servants was because they liked that kind of work.
Howard thought Beulah sounded a little bit like Crazy Alice. That led to him playing a prank call the guys made using Crazy Alice audio clips. They called some old man by the name of Artie and had Alice yelling at him.
Howard played a Beulah radio commercial that he had too. She was promoting Post Toasties. Howard said he can't believe that this was a white guy doing the voice. He said the guy was really good. Howard said they could have put him in black face or maybe that was against the rules. Robin said they didn't do black face on TV so when it became a TV show they had to get a black woman to play the part. Robin said the TV show was on from 1949 to 1953 or 1954.
Howard said that if Jackie wants to come in and write for a day then that's great because he's a writer. He said he's fun as a guest once in awhile but now they're spacing it out a while. Gary said Jackie passed on coming on the show a couple of times when they asked. He passed on doing the roast shows.
Howard said that he likes that Robin and Fred want him off the show. He said that they're threatening to walk off the show if he's back on. Howard said he's just kidding but Jackie was a writer for the show. Robin said that must be the reason that Jackie has been pestering her to go out to dinner. Howard said if he leaves SIRIUS then they should hire Jackie to replace him.
Steve said that Kidd Chris' show got into some trouble when one of their guys mentioned that his brother was the one robbing some places in the area. They got a visit from the cops and the guy's brother was arrested.
Steve said that the Tapes team got their award for their History of Howard Stern special last week. That led to Howard saying they had a promo for The History of Howard Stern Act IV. Tim Sabean was in Gary's office so Howard asked if he wanted him to play that. Gary put it up on Howard's computer so he could play it a minute later.
Howard played the History of Howard Stern Act IV promo. In it they play clips of the upcoming special where they'll be covering Howard making his movie ''Private Parts'' and many other things including Scott's push up challenge and 9/11.
Howard said they're going to cover a lot of ground on that special. Howard said that's going to be part IV and all three of the others won awards.
Robin said she saw Private Parts over the weekend. Howard said that promo depressed him. Howard said a lot of time has passed and everything makes him sad. Robin wasn't sure why he'd get sad from having so many accomplishments. Howard said he doesn't want to go back or anything. He said he's just sad because the days are gone. He started to sing about that to some sad music that Fred played. Howard said he may be crying because of the bedbugs.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard asked if the bedbug thing is bothering him. Jon said he is kind of freaked out. Howard asked the guys if his car is clean. Gary said they had to take a break to talk about that. Ronnie then came in and told Howard that they had the dog in the limo and the dog picked up on two spots. Robin said it must be Howard. Ronnie said the car is in the building. He said he has to talk to him off the air about this. Howard said this is unbelievable. He said he's so glad they had him come in today. Tim said there are two spots in the back seat where Howard sits that the dog picked up on. Howard said he's going to die. He said he wants DDT. Howard said Robin should have her apartment inspected. He said he needs DDT.
Ronnie said he's going to use heat to fix the car. He won't use any chemicals. Howard asked if they're going to use the dog to check it after the heat. Ronnie said they will. Robin said that he should have his house checked. Howard said he just did 2 days ago. Howard said he doesn't know how that's possible that he has them in the car and not in the apartment.
Howard said this tells you that the whole city is infested. Robin said they're not as aggressive as he thinks they are. Howard said he's just lucky. He said he's glad he had the car tested. Howard said Robin had better check her car. Robin said she had no problems until she met these guys. Robin said that everyone had better check their cars. Howard said he thinks Robin brought them with her from Guatemala. Robin said she drowned herself in Deet while she was down there. Ronnie said he really does need to talk to him when he gets a chance. Howard said he'll talk to him in the break.
Jon Hein started to run down his Wrap Up Show preview but Howard was freaking out over the whole bedbug thing. He said Ronnie has to tell him something even worse than what he talked about already. Jon just gave a quick ''whatever happened on the show we'll talk about on the Wrap Up Show today'' preview.
Howard said he couldn't stop thinking about the bedbug thing. He said he wants a hazmat suit that he can wear there at work. Gary asked if he wants the full helmet. Howard said he doesn't need that but he wants to cover his shoes up to his neck. He said he'll wear the same suit every day. Robin said he's not figuring this all out. Howard said he has to do this because the bugs are in his car.
Robin read a story about Leslie West being on the mend while he battles blood clots in his legs. Howard said he didn't want to hear any bad news about Leslie.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has done 1200 inspections in the past years and he's never found any in cars. Howard said they put the dog in the car and it found some. The guy said he should have Gary call him because he should have a second inspection. The guy said if he's not getting bitten then they're probably not in the car. Gary said they say that if the dogs smell methane then maybe they're picking up on Howard's farts.
Tim Sabean said that the dog that checked the seat is one of the top trained dogs in the country. He said they found them on the seat. The caller said that it's possible but not probable. He said that he should get a second opinion before he goes crazy. Howard said he's nipping this in the bud. He said he wants a hazmat suit before he'll work in the building. Howard said he's going to wear that and booties and that's it. He's going to wear that the rest of the time they're there. He said he's dead serious too. Robin said he's getting into Howard Hughes territory now. Howard said that's fine. He wants a bubble around him. Howard said he's not coming in there without that stuff.
Robin said there are some reports about David Beckham cheating on Posh Spice back in 2007 and he's announced that he's going to sue over that. Robin said that Ashton Kutcher has some stories about him cheating on Demi Moore too. Howard said he heard he's going to sue too. Robin said there's a book out that says that Arnold Schwarzenegger may have been with a Playboy model and Hugh Hefner may have taped it.
Robin read about how Stephen Colbert went to testify in front of Congress last week. Robin said Colbert was there to testify as his character and not as himself. Robin said they're not sure if this is an embarrassment to him or to Congress. Howard said he probably got tape for his TV show so why would he be embarrassed? Howard said it costs a lot of money to get these committees in session and they invited the guy there. He said that's nuts.
Ralph called in and said that Howard has a hazmat suit. Hunter gave one to him and to Howard. He said it's military grade. Howard said he needs that to keep himself wrapped up in. He said that it seals in everything. Ralph said he'd check to see if he still has his. Howard said he probably got rid of his. The Howard TV guys had some shots of it. Howard said he'll put up with the heat in that thing. Ralph said he could have a tube pumping in air conditioned air. Fred asked where the air would be coming from. They said it would have to come from outside. Howard said he can't go over this gain. He said he has to get out of there.
Robin read more about Stephen Colbert testifying and making a joke out of the whole thing. Robin also read about a Broadway sound man who sent pictures of himself to an underage boy in the play he was working for. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Robin read about how the U.N. has named a person to be the one to deal with Aliens if they ever show up. Robin said she will be in charge of greeting any Aliens that land on our planet. Howard said that United Nations is a real waste of time.
Robin read about how the Imam in charge of the mosque that will be built by the World Trade Center is saying that they're trying to prevent another 9/11 by building it down there. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard asked who give a shit anymore. He's more worried about the bedbugs now.
Robin read about the 33 miners that are trapped in the mine in Chile. Robin said that they're trying to get them out of there using a basket cage and they'll be hauling one person back up at a time. Howard was still freaked out by the whole bedbug thing and he was saying he had to get out of there not knowing what's in his console there. He told Fred to come wipe him down every 30 seconds.
Robin had some audio of a preacher who was accused of doing some things wrong. She played that and the guy was saying he's not perfect but this thing he's going to fight. Robin said he's got a 33,000 member congregation in his mega-church.
Robin read about President Obama's popularity dropping. Robin said that he's having a tough time in the polls.
Ralph called in an said that he knows where the bedbugs are coming from. He said it's the Europeans who are visiting. He said that the stores that are closing down are stores that are frequented by ''...those disgusting Europeans.'' Howard said he might be right. It is the tourist areas that are being infested. Howard said he still blames the hippies and their banning of DDT.
Robin read about an emergency landing that a plane made over the weekend. She said some people did that when their plane had some trouble with the landing gear. Robin said they told people to brace for impact and some guy was taping it. Robin said that two people actually taped it while they were landing. Robin read the details of the video and how they had sparks coming from the wing when they came down.
Robin read about Michael Douglas going out and talking about his throat cancer and how it can be caused by drinking and smoking and even sexually transmitted diseases. Howard said he's glad he's off of the singles circuit now. Howard said Lesbians should beware.
Robin read that Max Weinberg won't be going with Conan O'Brien to his new TV show on TBS. Max is moving back to the east coast.
Howard told Benjy not to eat any bad pussy anymore. Benjy said he's cut back on it and he's much more aware of it now. Howard said women tell him that they don't even like that all that much. Howard said they hate the way men eat their pussies. Benjy said most women he's been with love it. He said that there are some who don't like it. Robin said it can be nice.
Robin read about a new Muslim super hero that's been invented. She read about how that all came about. Robin said he'll be a boy who lost his legs in a land mine accidnet.
Robin mentioned that it's Jack LaLanne's birthday. She also had some news about some TV shows that are on like ''The Event.'' She also had a story about Johnny Knoxville getting married over the weekend. Howard congratulated him on that. Howard said he'll be in there soon to promote Jackass 3D.'' They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that it's hard to admit it when you're not wanted for some reason. Gary said that Jackie might think he has to work to get on the show and that's insulting, but everyone has to work to get on the show.
Jon asked if Robin and Fred have any say in that. Gary said that when he pitches guests for the show Robin isn't anywhere around. He said that Robin isn't keeping him off the show. He said Jackie is a funny guy but he doesn't have a lot of great stories to tell. He said that it's not like they're never going to have him on again. He said that he feels bad that Jackie thinks it's more than that but it's really nothing more than that. He said there is no hidden agenda or anything.
Craig said he used to feel that same resentment until he was on the show as a semi-regular and saw the whole process. Craig said that in the meetings they'd talk about huge stars and Howard would wonder what to talk to them about. Gary said one time they had the chance to have Jeff Daniels on the show and they turned him down. Then his manager called and asked why they turned him down and had Melrose Larry Green on the show instead. Gary said that's just the way things work out sometimes.
Craig said he couldn't help but take it personally when he was rejected. He said he respects what Gary does now and sees that there is a method to it.
Gary said he's going out to promote his book and he's been turned down to do some stuff and he's fine with it when they tell him some bullshit story.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Gary made a slip up when he mentioned that Dave Lampert wasn't coming in and he could come in around January or something. Gary said he was making a joke about that when he said that. He said there was no slip up there. Gary said that they aren't planning any final shows now because he's not sure if they're going to be coming back or not. He said they do have an end date right now of December 17th.
The guys talked about some of the conspiracies that the fans talk about and that led to Gary saying that the fans think that they fired Artie in December and that's why he tried to commit suicide. Gary said that story is just not true.
Craig said he just saw Artie the other night and he took some pictures with him. He said Artie looks amazing and he was very funny at the comedy club the other night.
Gary said that Yucko was very angry with Craig this morning. Craig said that he posts pictures of interesting things when he goes to shows and stuff. He said he has run into some cool people and he'll post pictures that are interesting. He said he always takes those pictures and posts them. He said he ran into Artie and he had to post that picture too. Gary said that he spoke to Artie last night and Artie was telling him about what happened to Greg Giraldo and stuff like that.
JD said he gets texts from Artie once in a while. He hasn't called him back because he doesn't know what to say. He said he just texts him because he doesn't want to bother him. Jason asked if he'd answer the phone if Artie called him. JD said he would answer.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're keeping Jackie off the show because he was on Opie and Anthony. Gary said that's not the reason. He said they've had people on the show who have been on that show. He said he didn't even know that Jackie was on that show.
The caller asked why they have to do sit down interviews with all comedians. Gary said that's the way the show works. Craig said that a lot of radio shows think that having comedians doing their material on the air is the way to make you look good but Howard does it differently. Gary said that most radio guys don't know what to do with guests.
Jon said he just got a note about Jackie doing another one of those shows where he'll answer any questions he's asked. Gary said he'd like to know why Jackie doesn't understand why they turned him down.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the bedbug problem and where they found them. Gary said he's glad they found them in Howard's area because the rest of them would be dead if they found them in someone else's area. Gary said that Howard would have told him to go home if they found them in his office only.
Tim Sabean came in and said that they didn't find any bedbugs in the compound. They only found the scent of them in there. Gary said Tim was also talking about how that dog that checked Howard's car was the top dog in the country. He thinks that it's the best at what it does.
Jon said they almost didn't have a show today. Gary said it was a weird thing. Craig said he got the note on Friday about that and he thought that maybe he meant that it was just him that was off the show. Gary said they wouldn't have been able to fit Craig in any other day if they had to cancel today.
Another caller said that today was like an Orson Wells type of show. He said he was totally freaked out by the whole thing. He said he was itching in his car. Gary said that he'd like to know if this guy thought it was real today with what they were doing. The caller got all offensive but Gary said he was just wondering if he thought they made up this whole thing for the show. The caller said he was just saying it had an effect on him today.
Gary said he's not sure if they're even doing the show from there tomorrow. He said Howard is that freaked out by the whole thing.
Another caller said he had his house sniffed for bedbugs and he doesn't think that Howard had any of them in his car. He said that it's possible that they're picking up on something that's just not there. The caller said they say they're 98 percent accurate.
Jon took another call from a guy who wondered if Howard is that germophobic that he'd worry about the bugs. Gary said this isn't about germs. This is about bugs. He said in New York City they have big businesses being affected every day. Craig said that Howard is a hypochondriac and he's worried about stuff like that all the time and when something like this hits then he gets even more sensitive. Gary said he thought Howard handled it pretty well today. He said that he and Jon are just as alarmed or more alarmed than Howard is.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Howard has jumped the shark and he's just a big baby about this stuff. She said he's not relevant anymore. She said that she likes the other people on the show and that's why she keeps listening. She said that Howard makes an asshole out of people like Gary and it's just not fair. She said he's going to die just like everyone else is. Gary said that the bedbug thing is preventable and fixable. She said that wearing a hazmat suit is just wrong.
Gary said that he sees a flaw with the hazmat suit too. He said that you're not completely protected. He said that the bugs could get in his head. Jon said he's right about that. He'd have to wear the hat too if he wanted to be completely safe.
Jon took a call from a woman who said her husband goes on business trips and gets bit by bugs. She said that he never brings his bag inside the house when he gets home. She said that no one should be able to bring bags in the studio because they're impossible to get rid of. She said he leaves his bag inside the car and they think that the bugs die in the car if there are any in there. She said she's heard that they're not that common to be in the car. Gary said he was reading about how one of the biggest spots for bedbugs is in Ohio. The caller said she thinks that's because of the railroad and all of the people traveling through there.
Another caller said he's an exterminator in Columbus, Ohio and he'd like to settle them down a bit. He said he understands the paranoia but they're overreacting. He said they either have bedbugs or not. He asked if they found any there. Gary said they didn't find any actual bugs there. The caller said that the bugs do not ''jump.'' He said they're also big enough to be visible. He said they're not so small that you can't see them. He said that an adult is half the size of your pinkie finger nail. The guy said that you know they're there if you have them.
That led to the guys talking about how JD is from Ohio and he has those weird marks on his arms. JD said he's not bleeding though.
The caller said they should get a second opinion. He said that having a dog sniffing is one opinion but they have to have someone else come in and check. He said he's never had any situations where he had bugs come home with him. He said that they shouldn't freak out until they see something. He said it's possible that they're not even there.
Another caller said that they keep saying heat will kill the things but he saw some TV show where they froze them. Gary said he heard it's extreme heat or extreme cold that kills them.
Jon asked Gary about Howard talking about his parents freaking out if they don't hear him on the air. Gary said his parents would listen and get upset if they didn't hear him on when they go on vacation or something. JD said his mom checks to see if he was mentioned on the show. He said his father doesn't really do that. Gary asked if he doesn't check on it that much because he asked him not to call in. JD said he doesn't know.
Jon asked JD to clear up what happened with his dad calling in. JD said he just told him he didn't like him calling in so much. He said he didn't tell him to stop calling in. He said if he wants to call in and say something and honk his horn for Gary then he'll call in. JD said he's not banned from calling in.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wants to know about Robin running 25 miles and how dangerous that really is. She said it sounds like she's pushing herself a little too much. Gary said she appears to be able to handle it. The caller said Robin is an inspiration and she'd hate to see her hurting herself.
The caller wished Gary luck with is book too. Gary is thinking about doing a half marathon but he's not sure if he's even going to do that.
Jon said some people were wondering who Neil Drake was. Gary said that Neil was a guy who worked on some live shows with them. He was divorced at the time so he would hold the Super Bowl parties at his house. He got friendly with him and so did Robin.
Gary said that people change. He said that you lose friends and move on. Jon asked JD if he has friends that he's moved on from. JD said he still talks to the people he's talked to. He said he didn't have a lot of friends in high school and he still stays in touch with some of them on Facebook. Gary asked how his co-star who played Agent 99 in the school play of Get Smart made out. JD laughed and said he barely remembers who was in that.
Ronnie called in and said that he and Jon used to sit and talk all the time. He said that they must not be friends anymore. Jon asked Ronnie why he doesn't come back and talk to him anymore. Ronnie didn't say why. He just asked why he found it odd about what he said to Robin. Jon said he thought he was hurt by Robin not staying in couch with him. Ronnie said he was talking about Neil and how he used to complain about the way Robin dropped him and the way she dropped Bonnie (Ronnie's ex-wife).
Ronnie said that Robin never said why she stopped hanging out with Neil. He said that Neil used to try to get in touch with him and he just stopped returning calls. They spent a short time with Ronnie before they had to go to break.
Craig said that Howard does look you over and can tell you that you got fat and things like that. Jon said he asked about his chin hair too.
Craig said when he first stated doing the show in 1995 he hadn't heard it. He said that he now knows how things work and he knows that you can't really plan how to do it. Gary said that Craig did a great Tracy Morgan and that's one of the reasons that they booked him to do the show for the first time. Craig said Tracy was a nut and something crazy always happens in the room when he's there.
Gary asked Craig if he was on drugs when he was starting out on the show. Craig said the time he fell asleep on the show he had been out doing coke all weekend. He said that's when things changed for him. He said he had a crazy weekend back then and the commercial breaks used to be so long that he figured he could nap. He said he slept through the whole thing and then he woke up with Stuttering John holding a mic under his nose. Craig said that he fans are always offering him free blow wherever he goes so he'd do that stuff out in front of the clubs. He said he had to stop doing that though.
Jon asked Craig if the whole Styx thing bummed him out. Craig said that Tommy Shaw knowing that story was a great thing to him and it was like living a dream. Then his story tanked and it turned into one of the most embarrassing things in his life telling it to the rest of the band.
Gary said that Craig always has stories to tell them when he comes on the show. He said that he's always got something to tell and if that falls flat he's got the voices. Gary said Craig knows what to do when he's on the show.
Craig said he knows the show now and he knows how it works. He said he goes to MarksFriggin.com to find out what's happening when he can't listen. He said he has learned from listening over the years and that's why he knows what to do in there.
Craig said he knows what Yucko was saying he's a name dropper but he's just telling stories about meeting these people. He said maybe Yucko doesn't even know what name dropping is. He tells stories about the celebrities he runs into and why not tell those stories on the Howard Stern Show.
Jon said there seems to be some kind of spite from Yucko. Craig said he feels bad for the guy. He said he pities the clown. Craig said he's not sure why he's so angry. He said he likes it when he rips on him when he's on the show but he really doesn't care that he's mad at him. He said he likes Roger and he knows that Roger knows that. Craig said he's a hurt, sensitive little clown.
Jon had Yucko on the phone and he was saying that he's two faced. He said that he ripped off that Lars Ulrich impression he had just done. Craig had done one goofing on Lars a couple of minutes before. Craig said you can't steal an impression. Gary said he heard that you can. He said if someone does an impression that no one else does and someone else starts doing it, then it's kind of stealing it. Craig you can either do the impression or not though.
Craig said he's embarrassed by the Christopher Walken impressions but only because so many other people do that. Gary said that if someone else did a Sam Kinison impression then maybe he'd get upset by it. Craig said that's not the case though.
Jon said that Craig was saying that he hopes that he succeeds. Yucko said he's full of it. He said that he posted that picture of Artie the other night and he did that just to get some attention. Craig said that he posted one of him and Henry Winkler too and people haven't seen him lately either. Did he post that just because people hadn't seen him in a while? Yucko said it's not the same thing. Yucko said he just hates Craig Gass. He said he can't believe that Robert Schimmel is dead, Greg Giraldo is in a coma and this guy is walking around free and clear.
Yucko said he's going to get Craig one day and he's going to beat the shit out of him. Craig laughed and said ''what the fuck?'' Yucko said he'll beat the shit out of Craig if he sees him again. Craig just gave him an ''Okay...''
Gary asked Yucko what other problems he's had with Craig. Yucko brought up the time when he was trying out for the show. Craig said he would try to get on the show more if he really wanted to get that job. Craig said that he wasn't trying to take Artie's job. He said that's a fucked up thing to have in your head. Yucko told Craig he's the one with the fucked up head and threw out an N-word and goofed on his goatee.
Yucko said that Craig shits all over his friends and he doesn't care about anyone but himself. He said he's not sure how he sleeps with that attitude.
Craig said that he got a call from Gary when they hired Artie and Gary told him that he was welcome on the show at any time. He said that he could have come in and tried to compete with Artie but he just backed off for a couple of years. Craig said he wishes that Yucko could turn this into something more funny and not so mean. He said that he'd love to do some shows with him if he's interested. He said he'll give him a couple of grand for a 5 minute act and another 5 minutes ripping on him. He said he likes Roger and he'd like to see him do well. Craig said it wasn't his idea to bring up the Yucko story at the comedy show. He said it was Bob Levy who wanted to talk about it. It was also Bob who ripped his nose off and tried to wipe the make up off of his face. Craig said they were trying to take that story and turn it into some material. He thinks that Yucko is misguided. This stuff isn't doing anything for him. He said that he could turn it into material in an act.
Yucko said he can take his money and his gig and shove it up his ass. He also said he hopes that the open door they had for him there was really wide for that fuckin Mardi Gras float head of his. Craig said that's funny. Yucko said that Craig is doing every radio show out there too. Craig said he has to do that to promote his stuff. He said he saves up stories for Howard that he knows are titillating for Howard. He said when he does other radio shows it's not as special as the Howard Stern Show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Craig does sound like he's name dropping sometimes. He said it does come across as bragging. Craig said he actually is. The caller said he probably would too. Craig said he figures that those stories are going to be interesting on the show. That's why he tells those stories. He said that's what the audience wants to hear.
Yucko said he could list the people he's worked with too. Gary said that those stories might not work in his act because that's not what he does. Jon said they only had a minute left. He asked him what he had to say. Yucko said he ran into Dick Clark the other day and he told him to give him a message. He then mumbled some unintelligible stuff that Dick told him to pass along. Craig said that was funny.
Ralph called in and said that Yucko is clearly jealous and consumed with him. He said that Craig just offered him a couple of grand to come out and do some stuff and he's angry about it. He said it seems like he's twisting stuff around. Craig said he likes the guy and feels bad for him for what happened with his wife. He said someone should have been a real friend to him and said something to him before he got caught up in all of that. Ralph said he also doesn't think that Craig is a name dropper... but Ralph said he's a name dropper himself. They had to end the show a short time later. Check out Craig's Facebook fan page and BrownPaperTickets.com (search for Craig Gass) for upcoming shows.
Howard started the show talking about how they were there at ''bug central.'' Howard said they got some feedback from the fans saying that the bedbug discussion is boring. Howard said no one wants bedbugs in their house. Robin said she heard that there were no bedbugs found there. No one saw any. Howard said you don't see them. Robin said the sniffing dogs my be driving him crazy.
Howard said he was wearing his hazmat suit this morning. Robin said she thought he had on a white shirt. Howard said it's a hazmat suit. Howard said it's protecting him from the bedbugs. Robin said there are bands around his wrists so nothing can get in. Howard said he had an anti-bedbug patch on the back too. Robin said she thought it was a cool sweatshirt. Howard said he's going to be wearing this every day and the nice outfit he has on underneath it is being hidden. He said he can probably fire Ralph now.
Howard said he doesn't want to look like this on camera. Robin said it actually looks good. Howard said Gary helps him dress so they got that on camera. He said Gary likes to serve him so he came right over and helped him get dressed. Howard said its' very warm in the suit though. He said it stinks like plastic too.
Howard said they found bedbugs in his car too so he must have dragged them into the car. He said they were supposed to steam it for an hour but Ronnie came in this morning and they're saying it's going to take 24 hours. They're pumping poison gas into the car now. Howard said he doesn't even want to use the car now. Ronnie said he was told it was safe but no one wants to sit in there with poison gas. Howard said the guy doing it doesn't know it's safe.
Howard said the place is a moving and storage place and not even a pest exterminator. Howard said they should have just steamed the car. He asked Ronnie what the poison gas is that they're pumping in there. Ronnie came in and said ''look at you...''
Howard asked why he would do this to him. Ronnie said this is the process and the best way to do this. Howard said he's completely paranoid about chemicals. Ronnie said he's afraid they're going to fuck his car up. Howard said he doesn't want to be in the car if they're putting poison in there. Ronnie said it's the same guy that did the stuff there. He said he did what he was told by Tim Sabean. Howard said he didn't know he was going to do the gas thing. He said he doesn't want poison gas in there. He told Ronnie to use him for his brain and not think himself.
Ronnie said they were going to do the one hour thing and that was going to be it. Then they suggested the poison gas for 24 hours. Ronnie said he had to drop it off yesterday and they're keeping it today. Howard said he doesn't want to sit in there. He told Ronnie to call him if he ever hears those two words ''poison gas'' from now on. Howard told Ronnie he wants him to take him in a pedicab from now on.
Ronnie said they said it was safe like the stuff is there. Howard said they never said it was poison gas in the studio. Ronnie said it's the same stuff. Howard told Ronnie he should have called him. Ronnie said he didn't want to do this, this is just what he was told had to be done to make Howard happy.
Howard told Ronnie he has to have this company buy him a new car. Ronnie said he had to go because he can't take this anymore. Howard said that it's Scott Greenstein who has to stop thinking too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's an exterminator and he doesn't use poison gas in cars. Howard said they took this car to a storage company. He said he's not going to sit in that car now. He said he's done. The caller said that he should have had it steamed. Howard said he heard it was going to be steamed but then this morning it was poison gas. Howard said he's not going to sit in a car that has had poison gas in it for 24 hours. Howard said he should have Mel Karmazin sit in there. He said he can't believe this and he's done there. Howard said he wants a new car because he's not sitting in there with poison gas. Howard said these guys don't know if that stuff is safe.
The caller asked what the poison gas was. Howard said he doesn't know. Ronnie had to pick him up in his SUV this morning. He told him about the poison gas and that they told him it was fine. Howard said the word poison doesn't sound good in a car. Howard said Ronnie is saying that he didn't say poison now because he wants him getting in the new car. Howard said he's not getting in that limo again. Howard said the last time he heard the word poison gas was at Auschwitz. He said this is bullshit. He's surrounded by chemicals now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the stuff they use is a gaseous form of DDT. Howard said he knows the guy is kidding around. The guy said it's probably just nitrogen. Howard knows the caller doesn't know what it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has every reason to be nervous about those things. The guy said he had bedbugs in his house and he had them in his couches and ended up moving from the apartment. He said they ruined everything. The guy said his wife would wake up slapping herself and it just screws you up.
Howard said he has to walk in with a space suit now. The guy said they get in your head and you think they're all over you all the time. He said he had them really bad himself and they had to throw out every piece of furniture. The guy said you have to check everything in the house. He said they had to sue the owner of the place to get some money back.
Howard said Robin can make fun of him but she'll be wearing a hazmat suit soon too. Howard said they had better bring back this DDT. He said he was researching DDT and it turns out a bunch of hippies got rid of it. There was no scientific data showing that it was harmful. Howard said this web site called Junk Science debunked the whole thing saying that it was causing problems. Howard read about how some mosquitos became resistant to DDT. He read about the way they tested eggs to find out that it wasn't causing the problems with eggs that the hippies were claiming they did. Howard said they weren't even using DDT that much and it's the only stuff that really works on the bedbugs. Howard said hippies want bugs to have the same rights as people. He said they don't have the same rights. Howard wants them gone.
Howard said he wants Mel Karmazin and Scott Greenstein to use the same car as he is with the poison gas in it. He said he obviously brought the bedbugs from there into his car so they told him he could get it cleaned with their service. Howard said he knows they're going to tell him that it's safe but no one knows. they told the workers at ground zero that it was safe too. Now everyone who worked down there is sick. No one knows when something is safe. Howard said they could say in 10 years that this poison gas wasn't really safe when he's suffering from emphysema.
Robin asked what his psychiatrist said. Howard said he told him that he should just sit in the poison gas and not worry about it. Howard said that guy knows nothing either. Howard said he hates hippies. He said they can go fuck themselves over this bug thing.
Howard said they used to say asbestos was safe but it turns out it wasn't. Now people have to come in and take that stuff out dressed in hazmat suits. Howard said they have enough people saying that this stuff is safe when it's really not.
Howard said he looked at a house that had asbestos in it. Howard said everyone thought it was safe. He said he wouldn't buy a house with that stuff in it because he'd have to have it removed. Howard said he's not the crazy one here.
Howard said they had a picture of him up on the monitors in there. Howard said he was a nice looking young black guy. Howard said he looked healthy to him. CWB said they got the conformation last night that he died. Howard said he didn't know about that.
Howard said they got a note about another fan by the name of Kevin McFadden who was on the show. He found the note and the guy had cancer and the two guys came in and Kevin had his arm removed because of cancer. Howard said they had that removed before it spread. Howard said Kevin died on August 25th. Howard said his friend wrote in about his death and how much inspiration the show gave him. He said that Kevin talked about how much the show meant to him in the weeks before his death. Howard said the cancer came back and caused tumors in his heart. Howard said it was a rare form of cancer according to this letter.
Howard said that letter was from Ryan, Kevin's friend. Howard had some audio of Kevin from when they were on the show. Kevin talked about how he had to have his arm and shoulder removed in the clip. They were trying to keep it from spreading to more of his body.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that Ronnie is stupid. No Jew wants to get into a gas chamber. Joey said they should let Ronnie drive him and High Pitch Eric around in the limo to find out if it's safe. Howard said it's the prolonged exposure to that stuff that he's worried about. Howard said they've seen this with many things over the years. They said that asbestos was safe, cigarettes, thalidomide and other stuff were all safe until they found out it wasn't safe. Howard said this gas can't be safe.
Howard said no one consulted him about this poison gas. He said that they just ruined Ronnie's car. Ronnie came in and told Joey to mind his own business. Ronnie said he's a big dope. He said he's an asshole and if he touches him again he'll bust his head open. Joey said he's all talk. Ronnie told him to try it again and he'll bust his head open.
Howard asked what Joey is doing that's wrong. Ronnie said he's blaming him for this poison gas thing. He had nothing to do with it. Ronnie got all angry and walked out. Howard said Ronnie doesn't want to sit in that car either.
Joey said he's Howard's neighbor now. He asked him when they're going to lunch. Howard just said ''Oh no...'' and let Joey go.
Howard said Ronnie gets crazy over stuff. He said he's upset but he's upset with himself. Robin said it's done though. She said that he has to figure out what to do now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they could have put his car in a paint booth to kill the bugs instead of the poison gas.
Gary said he heard that Tim and Ronnie were going at it out in the hall about whose fault the gas was. Howard said they have to discuss this stuff with him. He said ''Howard knows'' and they should be talking to him about this before they just go ahead with it. Howard said he's not up for this and he's not looking for poison gas in his car. He said it's insane. He's not sure what to do. Robin said he has to get a new car. It's that simple. Howard said that they can use the limo there at the company to drive people around now. He said he's not going to ride in it anymore.
Howard said none of this makes any sense. He said that they should let the dogs smell this poison to see if it's safe. They say that the dogs are getting a concentrated amount of it though.
King of All Blacks called in and said that Ronnie is the guy who should be telling people that it's not something Howard wants. Howard said Ronnie isn't the brains. He's a simple man who should have checked with him first. Howard said Ronnie is child like and he doesn't know any better. King was shocked to find out he's 62 years old. Howard said Ronnie is only 8 years away from maturing. Howard said when you hear ''poison gas'' you should stop to think for a minute.
Howard said Ronnie just lets them take his car and pump it full of gas. Howard said they took the car to a storage place and the storage guy is fumigating the car like this. He said they wrap it in a bubble and pump it full of gas for 24 hours. Then they say it's safe to do that. Howard said it's totally safe except for the tumors that grow on your body.
King said he went to a house the other day and they had roaches in their house climbing on the walls. Howard said that's disgusting.
Howard asked Ronnie exactly what the guy said to him yesterday. Robin said his story is going to keep changing. Howard said he listened very carefully to him this morning. Gary said he heard him on the phone with someone telling them not to do something. Howard said it's too late for that. Gary said he might be talking to the storage guy. Howard said he's not sure who it is. He said that the storage guy is pumping it full of gas and telling people it's safe. Howard asked Gary if he would be worried. Gary said he would and he knows how Howard doesn't like weird stuff like that. He knows he's sensitive to that. Gary said Ronnie should know that too.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he just told Ronnie to have the poison gas process stopped. He said they held the car overnight so they haven't done the poison gas thing yet. He said they'll stop it today and they'll figure out if they have any bedbugs in there. Howard said they need him to help him out. Tim said this is the first he's heard of this poison gas. He said he knows that they have a 24 hour process to do this and he doesn't think that they've started it yet. Howard said Tim is lying and he's just guessing at this.
Howard asked Tim if he knows for a fact that they didn't start the process. Tim said he's going by what Ronnie told him. Howard said he doesn't know that they didn't start it yet. Tim said Ronnie told him that they didn't start it yet. Howard asked where he was. Tim said he's out in the hall.
Howard had Ronnie come in but he had to take a call. Ronnie was on the phone so all we heard was his side of the conversation. Ronnie was saying the car was in Yonkers. He asked if they could do whatever they had to do over there. Howard told him to have the car driven into a river.
Ronnie said they didn't gas the car. He said they didn't touch the car yet. Howard said that's even more disturbing. Ronnie asked if he could just talk. He said he dropped the car off yesterday. He said they weren't able to do it then so they were going to do it today. He said he just got off the phone with the guy from the bug company and he called the guy from the storage company. They're just going to steam the car instead of the gas.
Howard said he's going to have the car checked by the dog again after they gas it. Howard said Ronnie never said they were going to gas the car. Ronnie claims he did tell him about that yesterday. Ronnie said they're not doing it now. He said the guy at the place where he dropped it off was the one who told him about the gas. He said he didn't know what it was. Ronnie said he's not an exterminator so he doesn't know.
Ronnie said they told him to remove all of the water bottles from the car because they'd be no good anymore. Howard said if that's the case then imagine what it would do to a human's body. He said he has to think about this.
Howard said he had Garry Shandling calling in this morning. He's looking forward to that. Howard said he has to move on to that. Howard told Ronnie to remember that he's a god and he has to ask him about this kind of stuff. Howard also told him not to trust what Tim says.
Gary asked what they were arguing about in the hallway. Ronnie said it was nothing and everything is fine. Howard said he loves this guy Garry Shandling. Howard told Ronnie not to let him poison gas his car. He told Ronnie to sit in the car the whole time they're working on it. Howard asked Robin if she can believe what's going on in his world. Robin gave him a ''Wow.'' Howard said he has to find out what Garry Shandling is up to. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had Garry Shandling on the phone. He said he's a big fan of his. He said that he's impressed that he never got married. Robin was surprised that he never got marred even once. Garry said that his therapist asked him about that saying ''How did you dodge the bullet?'' Garry said that is absolutely true and the therapist is a woman. He said that even she knows that it's a bad thing.
Howard said Garry needs a shrink because he's been convinced that he's selfish and he can't share a life with someone else. Howard said it could have been a court order too. Garry said he had an old joke like that in his act.
Howard said it was good to speak to Garry again. He said he did a part on Garry's show ''The Larry Sanders Show'' and he didn't think he did a good job. Garry told him he did a great job. Howard said he would like to re-shoot that episode. Garry said it's too late to do that. It's in the box set of DVDs. He said they put it in the bloopers section even tough it was his actual take.
Howard asked Garry why he didn't continue with the show. Garry said they did six years and he did a lot of the writing and editing on the show. He said he basically ran the show and it was a lot of work. Garry said he hasn't done anything after he gets bored. He said he figured the show had peaked so they ended it while it was still good. He said that everything was good when the show was on too. He said that the country was at peace and the economy was good. He said maybe it would still be that way if the show was still on.
Howard asked Garry what he's been up to other than ''Iron Man 2.'' Garry said he's not sure where to start with Howard. It's been so long since they've spoken. Howard asked if he made so much money that he can walk away from working. It seems like he's retired. Garry said that he got paid very well by HBO for Larry Sanders. Howard said he thought they were infamously cheap. Garry said they were good to him. He said he also enjoyed having Howard on the show. He said that he did Howard's show that was on E!. He did that interview show that he did before the other E! show. Garry said he had fun doing that.
Garry said he heard Jerry Seinfeld's call to the show the other day and they all think that Howard is funny and they're big fans. He said he saw Jon Favreau on the set of Cowboys & Aliens and he loves Howard and the support he's given him. Howard said he's excited about that new movie.
Howard said that Garry did a TV show about late night TV for six years and then the politics of the whole thing because really interesting. Howard asked if he saw the Conan and Jay thing going on and thought about how awful it would have been doing a show like that. Garry said he doesn't think he could have done a show every single day. He said he wouldn't want to do something like that.
Garry said he needs the spaces in between projects. He needs those to grow. He said ''Iron Man 2'' was a small part but he focused on the acting part of that. He said that he had to focus on the acting and he also did some animated stuff before that. Howard said he was glad to see him as ''Senator Stern'' in the movie. He said that he was hoping that he'd get out and do some more stuff after that.
Garry said he went on Regis last year and he was asking about what he does because he rarely sees him. Garry said he told Regis that he goes off TV and he didn't follow that. Garry said it wasn't all that funny but he goes off TV so he has a life.
Howard said ''Iron Man 2'' is out today on DVD and Blu-Ray. ''Scott Pilgrim'' is also coming out soon according to Garry. He's part of that movie too.
Howard asked Garry where he was right now. Garry said it's 4am in Los Angeles and it's very odd. Howard said he reads that he's always in Hawaii.
Howard asked Garry about Conan and what happened to him. Garry said he thinks that it may have been constrictive to him and now he'll be able to go on and do his work. Howard asked if he wasn't free doing the Tonight Show. Garry said he didn't think that was really him talking when he was doing that show. He said that was just his opinion though. Garry said he could have gone for that job himself but he would prefer to be outside of that box. He said that there is part of his ego that says he'd like to have been the host.
Howard said it's very difficult to say no to something like that. Garry said it was tough for him to say no. He said he went right up to the last second making his decision. Howard said not many people are asked to do a show like that. Garry said he had the chance to do that time slot or a later time slot like where Jimmy Fallon is now. He said Fallon is good and he loves him. Howard said he's a good guy.
Howard asked Garry how he said no to something like that. Garry said it was hard for him to say no. Garry said he chooses very carefully now because he's said yes to awkward situations too many times. Howard asked what he said yes to that he should have said no to. Garry thought about that and said there was a movie called ''Town and Country'' and the movie went a year and a half when it was supposed to be 15 days. He said that made him kind of gun shy.
Howard read that Garry dated Calista Flockhart. Garry said he knows her. Howard asked if they had sex. Garry said he doesn't think that either one of them would call it that. Garry said he's not sure why he's talking to Howard because he has so many things to promote. He said he doesn't want to do a lot of press but Howard was on the list and he was out to promote ''Iron Man 2'' and the The Larry Sanders Show: The Complete Series DVD set. He said he really just wanted to talk to Howard.
Howard asked Garry about staying in touch with Jeffrey Tambor and Rip Torn from his show. Garry said that he has kept in touch but he hasn't spoken to Rip since he tried to rob the bank. Howard asked him if that was shocking to him because that was like Artie doing what he did after thinking he knew the guy so well. Garry said that they all loved each other and they all grew from the show they did. He said that lasts forever.
Howard asked Garry what he was doing at Farrah Fawcett's funeral. Garry said he thinks he was doing 10 minutes there at the funeral. Howard asked him why he would be there. Garry said his gym was near there and he had a friend who was friendly with Farrah and Ryan O'Neil so he was asked to go to the funeral. Garry said he would see Ryan in the gym once in a while too. He said he knows him too. He said his trainer was very close to them though.
Howard wondered what other funerals he's gone to for people he didn't know. Garry said that when he dies he wants his boxing trainer to stand next to his casket and count him down and say ''He's not getting up...''
Howard asked Garry if he's in a long term relationship at all. Garry said he's the same guy Howard knows from years ago. He said he's very at peace and it's hard to find a woman in L.A. that would keep it peaceful. Garry said that he's been meditating and he has to keep doing that and he's not sure a woman would make that possible. He said that women always want him to spend more time with them and that's like what his mother always asked him for.
Howard asked Garry about his parents and found out his mother is still alive. Howard asked if he's ever fearful that he's going to die alone. Garry said that's fine to ask him about that but Howard had a rhythm to his voice that showed he was fearful of asking. He said that if the right woman comes along then it happens organically and he's open to that. He said if he wants to come to therapy with him then they can go over that in therapy together. Howard said that some people think guys are weird if they are over 40 and still single. Garry said that his friends know him and he has an equal amount of married and single friends. He said that his married friends are the ones who ask him for advice. He said he's been single forever but he's been in at least one long term relationship. Howard said that was with Linda. Garry said he still hears from her occasionally. Howard said he'd love to know what's going on in that compound of his. Garry said he's kind of a seeker and he'll be working again.
Garry said he can't have any disorder in his life. He said that he's not controlling because if he was, he'd be with someone and trying to control them. He doesn't have anyone in his life right now that he can control. Garry said that some women want to marry him before they even know him so they have their priorities out of order. Garry said that marriage is about serving a bigger thing and it's not about just having kids and serving yourself. Howard said he was going to drop that because he doesn't understand. Garry said that they could go on endlessly with that and Howard won't be happy in the end.
Howard said he has been meditating since he was 18 and he knows that it works. Garry said the relationship thing has to happen naturally. Howard asked if he was an advisor to Sacha Baron Cohen on Borat. Garry said he's just friends with him. Howard asked if he ran some ideas past him. He said that they have talked about that kind of stuff. He said that Sacha is a close friend that comes to his house to visit. He said the guy is really grounded and his talent is limitless. He thinks that he's going to go as far as he possibly can.
Howard asked Garry who he voted for, Obama or McCain. Garry said he voted for Michael Cera. Howard said he doesn't think he's old enough but he would have voted for him too.
Howard said he had to get Garry in the studio to talk to him. He said he wants to know the truth about his life. Howard asked if he had any one nighters and things like that. Howard said he can't figure it out. He said he wants to know if he's dating young girls or older women. Garry said he has said that to himself. He said he'd like to know what he's doing too.
Howard asked Garry if he still masturbates. Garry said that he has a joke he uses in his act about how he likes to get up on stage and do 10 minutes after he masturbates. Howard said Garry confuses him. He wants to know what he's really up to but he can't figure him out.
Howard said he wants to know how he got to be a stand-up comedian when he's so insecure. Howard said Garry is a mess. He said he's really fragile and he's still a comedian. Garry said it is 4 in the morning there so maybe he sounds worse at that time of day. Howard said he has to get him in there so he can talk to him in person. Garry said he'll have to stay there at SIRIUS if he wants him to come in.
Howard asked Garry about what went down with Brad Grey. He said he tried asking Brad about it the other night at dinner and he can't get any answers. He asked Garry if he would box Brad Grey. Garry said he was going to fight Larry Merchant. Howard asked if he has been in any real boxing matches. Garry said he goes to them all the time.
Garry said he asked Howard what he was going to talk about when they were working on The Larry Sanders Show. He said Howard was very honest and told him that he was going to talk about anything and everything he saw or heard while working out there. He said maybe that's why Brad wasn't talking.
Howard said he saw that Ralph was on the phone but he wasn't going to take the call. He said he would like to know how the whole ''Hey Now!'' thing came up on The Larry Sanders Show. Garry said that he didn't write that himself but he and his co-writer came up with that argument about the use of that whole ''Hey now!'' thing. He said that's how they picked Jeffrey Tambor for that part. He said that they used that as a test scene and that led to them using him in the part and using that scene in the show. Garry talked about how they did that scene and how it was actually the pilot for the show but they didn't show it until later in the season.
Howard played the clip from The Larry Sanders Show where they did that whole ''Hey now!'' thing. Larry (Garry) asks Hank (Jeffrey Tambor) not to say ''Hey now!'' anymore.
Howard said that scene is the greatest. Garry said that was great timing to play the clip too. He said maybe they should have played it sooner. Garry said that Jeffrey was great in that scene and he was really doing his work. He said that's what was unique about that show. He said it was very understated. Howard said that you could almost see the smoke coming out of Hank's head trying to defend himself.
Howard said he doesn't think he was that great in the episode he did with them. Garry thought he was great. Howard said he had to wrap this up but he really can't crack that veneer of Garry's. Garry said it's tough to speak to a man and a woman this early in the morning.
Howard asked Garry if he still has his basketball games. Garry said he still does. Howard asked if he still has the same people coming over to play. Howard said he knows that he and Albert Brooks got mad at each other for some reason. Garry said that Albert was upset with him for not calling his housekeeper about something but he was busy working. Garry said Albert walked up to him like 5 years later and told him that everything was okay because his housekeeper got a series and she was fine.
Howard said he read that Garry went up to George Carlin and asked him if he had a good act and Carlin actually sat down and read his stuff and gave him feedback. Garry said he became friends with George's daughter Kelly and Howard should talk to her too. He said that he went to the funeral service and it was very moving. He said that Carlin was just amazing. He said that when he was 19 Carlin read his stuff and gave him notes on all of it. He said he was told he was very green but he had something there. He said Carlin told him had something there and he should go for it. He said that's why he moved to California. Howard asked if he would have avoided getting into the business if George had said he had nothing. Garry said that's a good question but that's not a very optimistic look. Howard asked how he approached Carlin. Garry said he was only 19 but he had the instinct to be very reserved and respectful about it. Howard asked if that's why he goes over other comedians stuff. Garry said he thinks that's a good connection Howard just made.
Robin asked Garry if he would work with Mel Gibson. Garry said that if you listen to those tapes, half of it is from Rickles Vegas act. Garry said he would work with Mel Gibson no problem. He said he met him at a party where Jon Favreau met him too. Howard said he thinks that Garry would work with Mel before he'd work with him. Howard asked if he thinks that Mel looks at him and says ''Look at that Jew...'' Garry said that most people probably do.
Howard wrapped up with Gary and gave him some more plugs for The Larry Sanders Show: The Complete Series DVD. Howard said he just watched some of them the other day and the show was great. He said that you can also catch Garry at random funerals around the country. Garry said he loves that name for a production company. Random Funerals. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he loves that guy. He said he can now go back to obsessing about the bedbugs. Howard said you have to get that box set and check out the show. Howard said he thinks that Robin and Garry would get along great. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had to speak to the Naked Cowboy. Sandy Kane was supposed to show up today too. He said she didn't show up. Howard said the Naked Cowboy was on the show years ago and that's working out for him. He stands out in Times Square in his underwear playing guitar. Howard asked how old he is now. Cowboy said he's 39.
Howard asked how long he's been doing this. He said he's been doing it 10 years and he does it 321 days a week in the city and the rest of the time he's doing it around the country at other events.
Howard asked where he lived before he got there. Cowboy said he was in Cincinnati. He said he tried to get famous out in Venice Beach while he was out there trying to become a model. He said he ended up getting into Playgirl and someone suggested he go out and sing in his underwear. He said he got arrested in 49 other cities before he got to New York City.
Howard asked the Naked Cowboy about all of the work and humiliation he had to go through before he finally made it. Cowboy said he was $49,000 in debt when he got there. He said he started taking money eventually and now he has licensed Naked Cowboy products and he's making money doing it. Cowboy said his parents were fine with it too. He said he was in and out of jail as a kid. He went through his history and said that he was intense when he did anything he did. He said that he lived in a small town and got arrested for farting in a woman's face once. He said that's the kind of dopey stuff he was getting in trouble for.
Howard said that this has turned into a bit of an empire. He said that there was a cartoon with the Naked Cowboy in it and he settled on that. All Cowboy would say is that it's been resolved. Howard said he assumes that he got some funds since it looked like him playing guitar in the video. Cowboy said it's been resolved and he's the happiest man in the world and he always has been.
Howard heard that he even performs weddings. Cowboy said he does that for $499. He said that they do a 15 minute presentation and he does his thing in his underwear. Cowboy said he wants to do the same thing that the Elvis weddings do out in Las Vegas. Howard asked if he gets most of his money standing out in Times Square. Cowboy said that he has licensed content and his manager takes care of that stuff. He said he gets non stop checks in the mail because his stuff his licensed and they regulate all of that.
Cowboy said that he used to stand at 45th and Broadway but they transformed that into a pedestrian mall so he has more room to move around. He said he can make $250,000 a year just doing that. Howard said that's incredible. Cowboy said it's serious work though. He said he has a new Naked Cowboy who works out there and he's got a whole franchise thing going.
Howard said Sandy Kane was going to come in today to talk about this. She used to be a stripper or something. Gary said she just walked in the door. Howard said he wants to talk to her about this. She's calling herself the Naked Cowgirl and Naked Cowboy told her this is not right because she's trying to cash in on this. Cowboy said he sold a franchise to people for the Naked Cowgirl thing and he asked Sandy to back off. Cowboy said that she was using it to promote herself and his manager asked her to sign on with them so they can work with her and not have her being the voice of Naked Cowboy stuff. He said they had to move in on her but they tried to do everything they could to avoid doing that.
Howard had the guys bring in Sandy Kane. She's been on the show before. Howard asked her to put her headphones on. She told Howard she hasn't see him since the E! shows. Howard told her about what Naked Cowboy's argument was. He said Cowboy had to go through a lot to get where he is and he sells franchises to people for Naked Cowgirls and Cowboys. Howard said he owns the trademark and he's asking her to stop doing what she's doing.
Sandy said that he should have told her that 3 years ago. She said that he doesn't have a nice bone in his undies. She said that she lives in Times Square and Cowboy lives in New Jersey. She said that she has spent a lot of money developing this thing on her own. Howard said he does have a brand that he's built up. Sandy said he should have told her this 3 years ago. He said that the original naked cowgirl was in 2005.
Cowboy said that he doesn't talk business out there. He said his manager did send her correspondences. Sandy said that he's a liar then. She said that she never got anything. Sandy said she has worked with Howard many times and he knows her. She said that they have never contacted her until 2 and a half years ago. She said that now they're contacting her and trying to sue her. She said that he waited 3 years to do that. Howard said maybe he was thinking she would go away.
Cowboy said that he likes Sandy and has nothing against her personally. He said he likes what she does but she asked him to sing on a CD that she was claiming had the voice of the Naked Cowboy on it and he wasn't even on it. He said they were going to use his name on the CD. He said he has the CD in his car with her name on it. Sandy said that's bullshit.
Cowboy told Howard that he had given permission to the original Naked Cowgirl who came to him asking if she could do that. He said they allowed her to do that and things were fine. Then Sandy came out and did this and they sent her a cease and desist. Sandy said that Cowboy was very nice to her over the past 3 years and she's been doing this growing her business and now they're coming to her telling her to stop. Cowboy said that there are no lies here on his part. He said that his manager sent her the documents trying to get her to sign the franchise agreement and she said she lost the paperwork and stuff like that.
Sandy said that his franchise is a fraud. She said she brought the papers and they say she can't flip the bird and she can't do anything bad for children. She said that he has people touching his ass all the time. She said they say he plays with little kids so they accuse him of being a pedophile. That's what she's being told. Cowboy said that he's never played with little boys. Cowboy said he thinks that men and women of all ages love him.
Sandy said that they can't tell her that she can't flip the bird to anyone in her home town. She said that he doesn't even live in the city.
Howard asked Cowboy if he thinks he's going to win his case. Cowboy said he thinks he will and it has nothing to do with where he lives. Cowboy said that he has the trademark and no one questions that. Robin asked what the agreement was that they were trying to work out. They didn't get to that because Sandy was saying that she can't even stand out there topless. Howard wanted to see what that looks like so Sandy took her top off.
Sandy said that she's making more money than Cowboy is and that's why he's jealous. Cowboy said that's interesting because her people are saying that she isn't making any money so they shouldn't be suing her.
Gary said he heard that Sandy has a growth on her vagina that she calls Twatto. She said that she does have something there. She said that it's a little growth that she has there and it's very popular. She said it's just a little thing. She tried showing it to them but Howard didn't see anything. It was just a little bump. Sandy said it's just a little nothing according to a doctor that checked it.
Howard said that he can see why Naked Cowboy would want her to stop doing this if she's going out showing Twatto. Sandy said she's not showing that.
Howard told Sandy that she has to see that she took her idea from a franchised Naked Cowgirl so she's going to have to stop doing this stuff. Sandy said she can't stop now that she's built it up over 3 years.
Howard told Sandy to make herself the Naked Indian and they can be cowboys and Indians. Howard asked Cowboy if he would have a problem with that. Cowboy said there is already a naked Indian. He said he didn't have a problem with her being a naked cowgirl if she just curtailed some of the behavior. He said they were even going to waive the fee if she'd just sign the paperwork.
Ralph called in and said that Sandy is not hot and she's ruining the brand. He said that's why they want her to stop. Sandy said ''Fuck you asshole!'' Howard said that he was just asking a question. She told him not to call her a pig. Howard said he said she was ''probably'' a pig. Howard said that was just a guy on the phone, not someone in the room.
Howard said if Sandy went out and dressed up as a NY Yankee then they'd come after her. She said they'd do it immediately, not after 3 years. Howard said the timing has nothing to do with it. Howard said she has to think about that and just go along with it. Sandy said that his manager is unreasonable. Howard said it sounds to him like they're offering her a good deal. Sandy said that he doesn't own the ''Cow GIRL'' name.
Howard took some calls and let some people go off on Sandy. Some of the guys were saying that she's clearly ripping him off. One guy said that her lawyer is scamming her if he's telling her he thinks that she's going to get away with this.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's not going to get away with this. Sandy said that this guy is a fraud and everyone was on her side on another radio show. Cowboy said that they had some guy on there just making a bunch of hype over the whole thing.
Another caller asked Cowboy about his arrests in the 49 cities. Cowboy said that 47 of those were dismissed and one of them was when he ran out on a baseball field in his underwear and then at a NASCAR race. He said that's what he got in trouble for.
sandy said she's never been arrested. She said that she's allowed to be topless in Times Square. She said that she lives there and Cowboy doesn't live there. She said that he's trying to get her thrown out of there. Robin said he's just protecting his franchise.
A caller said she sounds like Billy West and sounds like a slob. She's ripping this guy off and she's making him look bad giving the finger and showing her breasts. The guy said that he has to protect his brand and that's all he's doing.
Howard asked when the court case is going to happen. Sandy said that's down the road. They don't even know. Howard said he's not against Sandy but he suspects that Cowboy is going to win. Howard said Sandy is great but it seems to him that Cowboy developed the brand. Sandy said that he developed the Cowboy, not the Cowgirl.
Howard asked Cowboy if he has a franchise disclosure act and a franchise agreement. Cowboy said he absolutely does. He said that his manager takes care of all of that. He said his manager, Todd Rubenstein, is a genius. He said that everything is by the book and he doesn't play around. The caller said if he is telling the truth then Sandy is going to be in trouble. Sandy said they don't live in New York though. The caller said it doesn't matter. He said he has franchises around the country and he doesn't live in New York.
Sandy said she has a CD out called Sandy Kane is the Naked Cowgirl. Howard played one of her songs where she sings about Howard Stern's little penis.
Howard thanked her for that and asked Cowboy if he had anything he wanted to sing. Cowboy sang his own song about his woman who farts when she cums. Sandy said that song stinks. Howard said it's too bad they can't work this out.
Howard said Cowboy seems to be a nice guy. Sandy said he's nice on the outside but not on the inside. She said that his manger is a Jew Bastard from Tennessee.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was in Times Square and saw the Naked Cowgirl giving oral. That led to the guys talking about how Cowboy has a girlfriend who he's been with for 6 years. Howard said he must give it to her good based on how he looks. Sandy said that he's been wearing the same outfit for years out there. She said that it's inappropriate for children.
Sandy said that he tells her not to do anything inappropriate for kids but he's standing out in his underwear. Howard asked if his balls ever hang out. He said they don't.
Ralph Cirella called in and said he's working on a new comic book called Iron Woman. Does Sandy think that Marvel will sue him? Sandy said that he would be fine doing that. She said there is a difference between them. Ralph told her she's lucky he let her get away with this for 3 years.
Howard said he thought he would resolve this somehow but he was wrong. Sandy said she tried to reason with Todd Rubenstein but he wouldn't listen to her. Howard said that if Twatto gets any bigger she'll have to become the Naked Cowboy.
Howard said that if you want to find out more about the Naked Cowboy you can check out NakedCowboy.com. Sandy's music is on iTunes.
Cowboy said that he still has no problem with Sandy and he likes her. She said that he likes her because she's given him a lot of ideas. Cowboy said he has a big announcement coming up tomorrow but he has an embargo on that right now.
High Pitch Eric called in to say that he met the Naked Cowgirl and he found her to be very pretty. That was all he had to add to the conversation.
Sandy said that she's going to be going to Germany for 3 weeks soon. Howard said Naked Cowboy will be free of her for a short time then. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have a Superfan Trivia challenge contest coming up. You can find out more at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern.
Howard said he's really hot from this hazmat suit he's wearing. He said he might have to take it off. Robin said he can't take it off if he wants to keep the bugs off of him.
Howard said Eric the Midget is mad at him for some reason. Howard said his TV show is debuting this Thursday night. Howard said Eric calls in when they're in the middle of stuff and Eric gets angry with him if he doesn't pick up. Howard said Eric is mad that he doesn't pick up so he left a bunch of voice messages. Howard played one of those messages. In the message Eric said he was hoping to be interviewed to promote the ''Fringe'' episode that's airing on the 30th. Eric said he has only been left on hold and that's not cool. He said that's pissing him off. He said Johnny is supposed to do his part as a manager to get him on the show so he can get air time. Eric was saying that he can't get a hold of Johnny when he needs him. He said they got phones just to keep in touch and it's not working. Eric said he wants air time on Tuesday or Wednesday to promote this episode. Howard said Eric is having a midget tantrum.
Howard played more of Eric's message complaining about him spending 2 hours talking about bedbugs and DDT. Eric said that the bald eagle was brought to the brink of extinction by DDT. Howard cut it off and said that's not true. Howard said they say that those studies done about birds were done wrong and they found zero evidence that it causes any harm to bird eggs.
Howard played more of Eric's message where he was talking about the eagles and DDT. Howard Eric doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Howard said you have to go to JunkScience.com and check out what he's talking about.
Howard played more of Eric's message where he demands that Johnny get him in Jimmy Kimmel's show too. Howard said that he might have to do a Skype interview because it'll be last minute. Howard said that Jimmy wouldn't even do that for Brad Pitt. They'd send a camera to Pitt's house if he didn't want to come in. Eric was saying that they have these Evo phones that they can talk on and he wants Johnny to call him and get things going. He told Johnny to do his job. Eric told Howard to stop bitching about DDT too.
Howard said he sees Eric on the phone and he feels like he has to get to him but he can't drop everything just for him. Robin said that Eric gets appearances on this show more than any famous people. She said she can't believe he's bitching about air time.
Howard said he freaks out when he sees Eric on the line now. Robin said it's a little late to be thinking about what his PR plan is when his show is airing in 2 days. Eric said he has seen Jimmy do Skype interviews before. Howard said Eric isn't exactly a household name. Eric said Jimmy has had other people on the show that aren't that well known. Howard said he doesn't do that on Skype though. Eric said he had some people on recently that weren't famous. Howard said they were in the studio though, right? Eric said they were in the studio.
Howard said he saw a video of Eric talking about his role on ''Fringe'' and how all he did to prepare for the part was grow a beard. Eric said he figured being clean shaved wouldn't look right. Howard said maybe he shouldn't have wiped or showered. He said he should have shit his pants to play the part. Robin said that would be great.
Howard had the audio of Eric talking about this part he was playing in the show. He said it was pretty visual though. In the clip Eric talked about preparing for the role by growing a beard. Then the co-star, Sebastian, comes on and said that you picture someone different when you hear him on the Howard Stern Show. He talked about how pleasant he was to deal with on the show. Eric said the scene is very short and his character encounters this Newton character. Howard said he wasn't going to play the whole thing. He said you have to see it. It's very visual.
Howard played more of the clip. Howard said that Eric is like a mini Brando in that scene. Eric said he can't give away what was in the box that he opens in the show. In the clip he said that his head explodes. Howard said that it must have been fun doing that show. Eric said he wishes that he could have stayed a little bit longer. Robin said that maybe he could come back. Eric said that's not possible because he dies. Eric said that his head explodes so Howard said he wants to see that. Robin said that's perfect casting for the part. Howard said he has to see his head get blown up. Howard asked if they see his body laying there with no head. Eric said ''yeah.'' Howard said he's like Leonardo DeDwarfio.
Robin said this is what we've been waiting for... Eric's head to blow up. Howard asked if they had to cast his head. Eric said they just measured it. Howard wondered how big it is. Eric said he wears 7 or 7 1/2 hats. Howard said Jimmy should have him on because Eric would run out of stuff to talk about. Eric said he has to be careful about what he says since he signed a contract.
Howard said he'd love to see him as a midget vampire on True Blood. Robin said that would be great. Howard said he could be a vampire that has been starved of blood for like 1000 years. He said that he'd finally get some blood and he'd turn into a good looking guy. Howard said that he could come to life after being buried for a really long time and then he'd come out. Eric said he'd really like to be on Entourage. Howard and Robin said they don't see that happening.
Eric said what he really wants is a reality TV show called ''Little Actor, Big Roles'' on TLC. Howard said he doesn't see that happening. Howard said he had to get going but Eric had some plugs and mentioned that the video is on YouTube and on Facebook under the Johnny Fratto Social Club page. Eric said you can follow him there. He's not letting anyone follow him on Twitter anymore. Eric said that there were too many fake accounts on there. He said he had to close his tweets. Eric said he only uses Twitter to look at tweets now.
Howard asked Eric if he's taken any acting classes. Eric said he would if there was a place near him. Howard said he's a natural.
Howard said they finally found someone to give him an IQ test. Robin asked if he's going to take the test. Eric said he's not sure he can trust the results. Howard said they trust the results, that's what counts. Robin said it's a legitimate test. Howard said Eric wanted to take the test but now he's saying he doesn't trust them. Howard said he gives Eric his word that it's legitimate.
Howard had a ''What's Taller than Eric The Midget'' game. Eric is 3 feet tall, exactly. Gary said the last time they asked he was 3'6'' tall. Eric said the last time he was measured it was 3 feet. Gary said he might have to change the game. He asked Howard what's taller, Eric or R2 D2. Howard said it was R2. He was right. What's taller, Eric or a new York City fire hydrant. Eric is taller. Gary asked what's taller, Eric or a standard toilet. Howard said Eric. Gary said he is. The toilet is 2'4'' tall.
Gary asked who is taller, Eric or an average 5 year old male? The 5 year old. Eric is taller than Verne Troyer but not by much. Verne is 2'8'' tall. Howard said he wears lifts too. Gary asked if Eric or Michael Jackson's chimp is taller. The chimp is taller at 5 feet.
Howard had Eric play along. Gary asked if Eric is taller or the height requirement for Space Mountain in Japan. Gary said that you have to be 3'3'' tall to ride Space Mountain in Tokyo. Howard told Eric he had to go. He wished him luck with the Jimmy Kimmel thing.
Steve said they have a story about Captain Janks' long lost son. Janks is going to have his son come and visit next Christmas.
Steve said they have a contest to come up with an alternate book title for Gary's book title that's running right here at MarksFriggin.com (Details here). Steve said they will print the winning title in the paperback version of Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Howard suggested ''They Call Him Fafa Foohey.''
Steve mentioned that Jackie is going to be doing a show tonight where he takes any questions at all about anything.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap up Show preview and ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard took off his hazmat suit because it was getting too hot in there. Howard said he had more suits for everyone else if they wanted them. Robin said no one has been bitten so she's not sure why he thought he needed it.
Robin read about how there was an article in Page Six today about Artie making people laugh at the comedy club the other night. Howard said he wonders if they called Craig Gass about that or if Craig called them. Howard said it sounds like Artie had a good show and people were happy to see him out. Howard said he's happy about that. Howard said he figures that Artie really did have to get out of there like he said he did. Howard said people seem to be much happier when they leave the show. Maybe that saved Artie's life. Robin said they say he's looking really good now. Maybe it is a difficult place for comedians. Howard said you have to be tough to take this. He said he might be at the end of his rope too.
Robin read about the Segway owner who rode off a cliff. Robin said he was testing a cross country kind of Segway and he ended up dying on it. Robin said that he was a self made millionaire. He made a lot of money after being laid off from his mining job. Robin said he invented some stuff that made him some big money. He was said to be worth about $300 million.
Robin read about how much Justin Bieber is making and that led to Howard talking about how he was working really hard as an adult and it pissed him off that kids like this were making millions. Howard said it still bothers him when people like Will Smith's kids are making millions. Howard said it's disgusting that celebrities make more money than the common working man. Robin read about Taylor Swift being number one on the list. Howard said he has no problem with her because she seems to be a young lady. Robin said she's been doing it for like 6 years though. Howard played some of Will Smith's 9 year old daughter, Willow, singing her hit song ''Whip My Hair.'' Howard said that's just not right. He said she's only 9. Howard pointed out that she's singing lines unlike she speaks. He wondered what they call a black person who acts black when they call a white person acting black a ''Wigger.'' He wondered if they call them a ''Bigger.'' Howard wondered why Robin doesn't speak like that. Robin said her mother always wanted her to speak proper. She said she wouldn't do that out on the street with her friends though. Howard wondered if Oprah could do a song called ''I Whip My Arm Fat Back and Forth'' like this song. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that before they had to take a commercial break.
After the break Fred played a prank call that High Pitch Eric made to a public access call in show trying to place a food order. Fred also played AC/DC's ''Highway to Hell'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a teacher in the Bronx who said she was a stripper and a sex worker before teaching. She's tenured so they're going to have trouble removing her. Howard said she moved on and isn't doing that kind of thing now. She's moved on with her life. Robin said maybe she shouldn't have been talking about it but she has a book deal now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's way better looking than Will Arnett and Dax Shepard. He said that they look like a weasel and a dirt bag. Howard said he thought he was a cross between the two. Howard said he missed Amy Poehler's appearance on Saturday Night Live on Saturday. He said he was busy fast forwarding to see Katy Perry's ass cheeks and tits. He said she's got huge, natural tits. He said they might be bigger than Robin's. Robin said she's not sure they're that big. Howard said they're milky jugs and she could probably feed people with those things.
Robin read a story about Madonna working with her daughter making clothing and shooting a movie with her. Howard said he wishes his parents were into him that much. He said it would have been nice if they had sat him down and said they wanted to make him a star.
Robin read about George Lopez and his wife ending their marriage after 17 years. Robin said they have put out a statement saying it's an amicable break up. Howard said he must be paying her really well. Howard wondered how long he's been waiting to get divorced. Robin said it was probably right after his kidney transplant.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who people would think is worse, him or bedbugs. Howard told Sal and Richard to go out and ask people on the street. He said he bets that he comes out worse than bedbugs.
Robin read about Jimmy Johnson being on Survivor this season. Robin said that he was talking about how to find food nearby when he saw monkeys. He figured there were some bananas around. Howard said that rich guys never win. He said he'll be out soon. He said there's no way he's going to win. Robin said that Jimmy is communicating with the monkeys on the island. Robin had some audio of him translating for the other cast mates there. Gary said he won't last 2 more weeks. Gary said that everyone knows who he is and they want him gone. Jimmy was also saying that it was way harder than he thought it was going to be. He said he thinks that they'll ditch him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had an idea for the show where they take a picture of the staff and sell it to the listeners so they can remember them if they do take off. Howard asked the guy if he's Will Smith's kids speech coach. The guy said he's a real black man. He also asked Robin about eating pussy and if you can really get cancer from that. Howard said Michael Douglas did come out and said that he could have gotten throat cancer from the Human Papaloma Virus which you can get from eating pussy. Howard said if you eat a lot of vagina and she's got something there then you can get sick from it.
Howard said he's glad he's not out on the singles scene now. He said there's no telling what you can get out there. Robin knew that Howard wouldn't be out there very long. He was looking forward to it until he got back out there. Howard said you never know who the hell you're with.
Robin read about Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he tuned in to see it last night and had a terrible experience. Howard said he TiVo's the show and he turned it on around 8:35 and the screen was black. Gary said he had the same problem last night. Gary said it was just on one TiVo though. He said that it was weird he was saying that because he had the same problem. Howard said he threw a tantrum because his day was already awful from the bedbug thing. Howard said that he's a changed man now. He said as soon as Robin says she's done, he's gone. He said he has a sealed bag that he keeps his stuff in and he gets the hell out of there. Howard said he doesn't use his office for sleeping anymore. Howard said he has to go home and nap.
Robin said that Jennifer Grey got the top scores on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said she's got some body on her for a 50 year old. Howard said she ruined her face with the nose job but the body is really good. He said she can really dance too. He said he tuned in and saw some of that on satellite TV after his cable failed him. Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin commenting on her daughter who is on the show. Howard said he can't imagine if she had become Vice President.
Howard ended up talking about this other wack job, Christine O'Donnell, and how she once said that she doesn't believe in Evolution because if it was real then why don't we see monkey's turning into people these days. Howard said she's out of her mind. Howard said he can't believe that people would want someone like that in office. He said people who are against science are out of their minds. Robin said Sarah Palin was all over the show last night. She had some more details about that episode.
Robin read some news about Andrew Cuomo and Carl Paladino battling it out in the race for New York Governor. That led to Howard talking about how he would vote for either one of them if they were for bringing back DDT. Howard said he always goes back and forth when he sees ads for these guys. He usually just goes with the last ad he heard. They spent a few minutes talking about that story and about the ads.
Robin read about a CNN anchor, Don Lemon, who revealed that he was a victim of child pedophila while he was doing an interview. The reporter said he had never revealed that when he told the guest about what happened to him.
Robin read a story about Mariah Carey falling at a concert over the weekend. Robin read the details of that and said that Mariah made light of it on her Twitter account. Howard said she's a big girl now. He said the rumor is that she's pregnant but if that's true then she's been pregnant for about 3 years.
Robin read some news about Snooki's drunken arrest that didn't make it into the TV show. They've also cut other scenes out like a punch she took from a guy in a bar.
Robin read that the EPA has added three drinking wells in Missouri to their super fund clean up sites. She had some audio of someone talking about the contamination that may have been caused by a hat factory that was in the area. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon said that Garry Shandling takes his time when he talks about things and there is brilliant comedic with with it. He said he liked how Garry said he needs the space between projects and he won't put any crap out there. He also commits to stuff when he does it.
Jon said that Garry wasn't even sure what he was plugging. He said Garry said at one point he just called to talk to Howard. Gary said that there are a lot of people out there who say they like doing this show because it's so different.
Jon said that one thing that came up during the interview was about Howard's performance on The Larry Sanders Show. Gary said it was a cameo and he doesn't remember it being brilliant but it was good. He said it was all in there to promote Howard's book.
Jon said that Garry talked about why he ended the show too and it was because he had exhausted the material and he got out before he lost it. Gary said he enjoyed that show so much and he could relate to a lot of what they had on it. He said they had a Larry Sanders moment on the show once. He said that they had a guest show up late by 30 minutes once and as Howard was telling him to kick him out, the guy opened the door and Howard welcomed him in there.
Gary said when he's unsure about something he always runs it by Howard. He said that you have to take charge sometimes but you have to be careful with what you do. Gary said when you hear poisonous gas and Howard in the same sentence then it's got to be run by Howard. Gary said he would have asked Howard before he brought it to be done.
Jon asked who is to blame though. Gary said that he'd say that Ronnie is the one who is responsible. He said that Howard may have told him not to bother him with every detail though so it's a tough call. Jon asked if Howard would have ever gotten in the car again if they had gassed it. Gary said he never would have. He said he would have mulled it over and he would have said he'd never ride in that car again.
Jon and Gary were trying to figure out how Ronnie would work it if he had to sell the car. Gary isn't sure if he owns the car or rents it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this goes back to Ronnie and the Petcock thing. He said that Ronnie may not be smart enough to figure it out on his own. Jon said that Ronnie said he wasn't comfortable with the whole thing. The caller said that it is Ronnie's responsibility and he can't even figure out what's right to say to the interns there. He said that Ronnie and Sal are both pretty socially inept. Gary said he thinks that Sal is more socially inept than Ronnie is. Gary said Ronnie knows how to behave at a party more than Sal. Gary said that JD is probably more inept than Sal is. They both have issues according to Gary. He said that Sal is more likely to piss someone off.
Jon asked Gary about the hazmat suit that Howard was wearing today and if he expected to see him in that. Gary said he did. He said if he really wanted to cover up he would have had his hands and head covered. He said that wearing the suit was just a test and he thinks that he may be over his bedbug fear a little bit more after wearing it the whole show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the suit looked like. They described it as looking like a painter's suit or something. He had a zipper in the front to pee through. The caller said that he thinks that Howard is totally backwards when it comes to the whole bedbug thing.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked him who is to blame for the whole thing. Ronnie said that he was told they were going to put the car into a bubble thing and then they'd shoot gas into it. He said that they told Howard that they were going to do that to treat the car. Ronnie said he didn't know what kind of gas they were using until he got the car up there. He said they told him that it has to air out for like 24 hours and then it's not harmful to humans. Ronnie said he was really upset by the whole thing. Ronnie said he just wanted to get it done but he can never be right no matter what.
Ronnie said that it wasn't his fault and it wasn't Tim's fault. They were just trying to get rid of the bugs totally. He said that he has to go back down so they can steam out the car instead.
Jon asked Ronnie if he owns that car. Ronnie said he does. He doesn't know what would happen if Howard said he didn't want to ride in it again. Ronnie said that maybe Mel and Scott Greenstein should ride around in it like Howard said.
Ronnie said that they came to an agreement with that car after Howard wasn't happy with the SUV limo he got. He said that they had an agreement about this one. Ronnie said that he used to have to clean out the limo before going to pick Howard up when he had the car going out for other people.
Gary said Ronnie had a good gig going with the Today Show. He used to pick people up for the Today Show and Sarah Jessica Parker was one of the fans who used to ask him to leave the show on when he'd have the radio playing. Ronnie said they didn't know him as Ronnie the Limo Driver at the time. Ronnie said the one time it did happen was when he drove the NY Rangers up there. He said that one of them recognized him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if he took the IQ test. Ronnie said he didn't. The caller asked Ronnie why he didn't ask what kind of gas they were using. Ronnie said he wasn't thinking about it. He said when they did it up there at the studio Howard wanted to take the day off. He said that they told him that it would be safe and Howard came to work. The caller said that maybe they put cyanide gas in there. He said Ronnie is an idiot. Ronnie goofed on him and asked what he would have done. That led to the two of them going back and forth arguing for a minute.
Tim Sabean came in so Jon asked him what happened with this whole thing. Tim said he was going by what Ronnie told him. He said he didn't know anything about the gas. He said the guy just said that the treatment they were doing was safe. Gary said that Ronnie may have assumed that this was okay to do because they were the same people they used there to treat the studio.
Jon said that Tim looks like he's been through a war. Tim said it's been a very long 4 or 5 days but he does what he has to do. Jon asked if he's feeling better now. Tim laughed.
Tim said that this place has been sterilized and they are safe. He said they are on a maintenance program now and they didn't find any bugs in the building so they should be fine. Gary asked how this whole thing got started. Tim said that they heard from one employee that there might be something there and the company attacked it head on, immediately. He said it's a safe place to work and everything there is clean.
Jon and the guys were talking about what they're going to be doing at the end of this year. Gary said that he's not sure what Howard is doing and he's really getting nervous. Ronnie said people think he knows something but he really doesn't. Jon said that people would be relieved if they just knew one way or the other. Gary said that some people feel paralyzed right now. Richard wants to book a wedding hall but he's not sure if he can do that yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Howard has managed to stay out of an institution for so long if this bug thing is true. He said that he's going overboard with the whole thing. Gary said that Howard gets to play out on the air what's in his head that he wouldn't usually verbalize. That might be keeping him out of the institution. They had to go to break after that.
Sal called in and asked if Gary really thinks that he's more socially inept than Ronnie. Gary said that's what he said and he thinks that he is more inept than Ronnie but not JD. Gary asked him about the penis drawing he did. Sal said that drawing a penis on a picture is just retarded, not socially inept. Gary brought up a bunch of other things that Sal has done at parties and social events. Sal said that he's good with socializing with people. Sal said that he thinks that Ronnie is much more socially inept than him though.
Sal said he gets away with a lot of stuff that Gary was talking about. Gary kept bringing up stories about what he's done and how he didn't get away with any of these things. Ronnie asked him about pulling the plugs on the TVs at Jon's party. They didn't give him much of a chance to answer. Sal said that he was doing shenanigans and that's not being socially inept. Gary asked if grabbing the underwear of Mutt's daughter and sniffing them. Sal said that it was wrong to play a prank and that's all that was. He said it was wrong. Gary said that he doesn't know how to act like most normal people. Sal said he does know how to act. He said it's just entertainment. Gary said that no one was entertained by many of the things he did other than Sal.
Jon let Sal go and said that apparently if you can get away with stuff then you're not socially inept. Gary said that Sal knows he's doing wrong and he doesn't know where that line is.
Jon got back to the Naked Cowboy and asked if they knew he had such a huge empire going. Gary said he didn't know about it until Sandy Kane called and asked to get on the show. Gary said that he went to the Naked Cowboy's web site and he was impressed with the whole thing. He said they're very professional over there. Gary said that he does weddings and how the guy got his shit together and turned that into a business. Gary said it's hard enough to stand out on the street doing what he does. He has to stay in shape too so he's got to do a lot. Gary said the guy works.
Jon asked Gary how he would compare the looks of Sandy and the Naked Cowboy. Gary said that the Naked Cowboy looks groomed and kempt and Sandy didn't. That led into an audio clip of Gary asking Sandy about ''Twatto'' and her showing it to Howard.
Gary said that he understands the whole rap that Sandy had about doing with for 3 years and how they didn't stop her. Gary said that the Cowboy has the right to tell her to stop doing it whenever he wants though. Gary said the guy seems like a gracious guy though. He said that he enjoys having Sandy on the show too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that based on what he heard, Sandy is in the right. He said that he's a patent attorney and he knows about this stuff. He said that she's not doing the Naked Cowboy and he only owns the trademark on the Naked Cowboy. The guy also said that the guy has his persona and if he has the trademark for the Naked Cowgirl then she's going to lose. He said that if they have the persona for the Naked Cowgirl then they will have a case. The guy said it also doesn't matter where you live.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Naked Cowboy stole his image from Ted Nugent back in the 70s. Gary didn't know about that. The guy said Nugent was wearing a loin cloth and a guitar with the cowboy hat. Jon said they'd look that up. The caller said that it's the same image of a guy almost naked. He said that the Naked Cowboy should be paying Ted Nugent for that if he stole it. Jon said that maybe Nugent didn't trademark it so it wouldn't matter. The caller also guessed that Benjy will be out of there in 3 weeks when he shows up late again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that the Naked Cowboy was stolen from Midnight Cowboy. He also asked if they think that Eric the Midget's appearance on Fringe is going to spike their ratings. Jon said he thinks it could. Gary said that it's a great way to advertise the show. He said they did the right thing by hiring him to be in the show.
The caller said he really enjoyed today's show without Jason on it. He said that they've had some good exchanges and having less clutter on the show is good. Gary said it depends on the subject but he tends to agree.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if they have ever had a bug man come out to fumigate. He said that they set off a bomb and things are fine after 8 hours or so. Gary said that if you have to leave for 8 hours then why is it fine all of a sudden? He said that he used to have flea bombs that you'd have to leave the house for 2 days for. He said that you don't know if that stuff is really safe or not. You're taking someone's word for it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has Baba Booey's baby shoes and his wife got them from his mother and he'll give him the shoes if he wants them. Gary said he thinks that guy was real because his mother sold stuff at a yard sale. He said that someone bought all of his Mets yearbooks and some guy was buying all of his report cards from school and stuff. He said it's believable that he bought his baby shoes.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he would like to call himself the Naked Mailman and walk around with a mail bag. Is the Naked Cowboy going to sue him? Gary said he doesn't think so because he's not a cowboy. The caller said he didn't buy the guy's argument about owning that persona. Gary said he owns the Naked Cowboy and the Naked Cowgirl, nothing else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that no one is thinking that this poisonous gas could be carbon monoxide. He said that it could be that and it dissipates. Gary said they don't know what it was though so he can't say that it wouldn't be a problem. The guy said that no matter what the gas is, it's going to dissipate when you open the windows. Gary said that neither of them are scientists so they don't know. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about watching Oprah yesterday to see Jenny McCarthy on there. He said he thinks that he could have dated her back around the time that Beth came into his life. Howard said she told him that she dug him and that she wanted to be his girlfriend and fuck him. He said she said this off the air too so he thinks she was serious. Howard said she ended up going off with Jim Carrey. Howard said he likes to take a look at her to see someone he thinks he could have been fucking.
Howard said Jenny doesn't come on his show anymore. He said she became friends with Oprah and dresses conservatively now. Howard said she still looks cute but it's really strange what's happened to Jenny McCarthy. He said that she's morphed into something else. Howard said she thinks she's funny but she's really just hot. Howard said she's fun but not funny. Howard said after being with Jim Carrey she's now breaking into little voices and stuff like Jim does. Howard said she does faces and voices to herself and it's like she's caught up in trying to be Jim Carrey.
Howard said Oprah was talking about how you learn from all of your relationships. The one thing that Jenny learned was doing the faces and voices and that doesn't work for her. Howard said he'd love to get a hold of her. He said she thinks she's an expert in relationships now too. He said she thinks that she doesn't need a man in her life and that she completes herself and doesn't need a man to complete her.
Howard said Oprah just soaks up everything Jenny says. He said the whole thing was making him mental. He wondered what happened to that fun chick he knew. He said he's glad he went the Beth route and not with Jenny. He said that she's got that autistic kid too so that must be rough. Howard said he doesn't get why she does the Jim Carrey voices. Howard asked JD if he had the audio clips to play yet. Gary said they'd be another 5 minutes or so.
Howard played the first round which was the bedbugs. Howard got 2 out of 11 votes in that one. Then he played the mosque at Ground Zero. Howard lost in that one. He got 9 out of 11 votes. Howard played the rats game and he got 3 out of 11 votes to get rid of him. Howard said that this venereal disease has to be in his favor. Howard played that one and he got just one vote in that one.
Howard said the guy would get an answer out of Betty and then he'd just move on to the next question instead of asking more about something. Howard said that James Lipton is an odd guy. He's 84 years old and he's in really good shape. He said when he's not on that show he wears the same thing every day. He wears a fishing vest and always has that on. Howard said that's like his uniform. He said he's dying to ask him why he wears that. Howard said he asked his agent if he should do the show and he just said ''no'' and that was the end of it.
Howard said he sees that Jim Breuer is stopping by to promote his new book (I'm Not High: (But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior)). He said he started reading some of it but he started in the middle of it. Howard said he's almost to the end but now he has to read the beginning. He said he doesn't usually read books but he's enjoying this one. He said he gets bored easy so starting in the middle was a good idea. He may do that with every book from now on.
Howard said he thought Oprah was interesting yesterday. He said Jenny was dressed kind of sexy. He said she can really yap away and it's not funny or interesting. He said he had to stay tuned though because they had this woman on the show who wrote the movie ''Waiting to Exhale'' and ''Stella Got Her Groove Back.'' He said that was interesting.
That led to Howard talking about how he knows a lot of women who are married to gay guys. He talked about one guy who he knows. He did an impression of the guy talking and put on this really gay voice. Howard said that he hears these wild stories about him getting chased by a bunch of naked guys at work and then he asks him about his wife and kids. Howard said he was out with his buddy when he heard the story and they just anted to get the fuck out of there. Howard said he swears that's a true story. Howard said the wives are like robots and they have no idea what's going on. He said it's really weird. Howard said he hasn't seen that one guy in a really long time.
Howard said he knows another guy who got caught getting a blow job in a bathroom and his wife still thinks that he's straight. Howard said he's still married even after getting arrested for that. He said he's not sure if he was blowing the guy or if the guy was blowing him. He thinks he was blowing some guy.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that the Oprah thing was the worst thing she's ever seen in her life. She said that the voices she was doing were just awful. She said she never really liked Jenny but that put her over the edge yesterday. Mariann was going on and on so Howard had to hang up on her.
Howard had the clips from Oprah to play. He played one where Jenny was talking about breaking up with Jim Carrey and she was making it clear that she broke up with him. Howard said he's not sure why she was doing this. He was feeling kind of sad for her.
Howard asked where she makes the sounds at. JD said she does it right around the point he had the clip at. Howard played more of the clip and Jenny did this lame little voice and Howard said she puts on a face too. He said she's like Jim Carrey in ''The Mask'' when she does that. Howard said she must have taken that on from being around Jim so much.
Howard played another clip where Jenny was doing these stupid voices while talking to Oprah. Oprah would ask her a question and Jenny would do like 3 different voices like Jim Carrey does when he's being goofy. Howard said she's really gotten into a whole Jim Carrey thing.
Howard said the clips were a little long. JD said he thought it was funny hearing her doing that stuff. Howard played one where Jenny talked about how she got into Playboy and she hadn't planned on doing that. She claims that she was told she would never be a regular model but she'd be great in Playboy. Howard said that whole story has to be bullshit. He said no one calls you into an office like that.
Howard played more of Jenny and said she really is trying to be like Jim Carrey in these clips. Howard asked JD to shorten the clips up a little bit for him. Howard played some more of Jenny talking to Oprah and going on and on. Howard said that Oprah buys into the whole thing. He said she's become Robo-Jenny. He wondered what happened to the old Jenny.
Howard figured that Jenny must still be fun to fuck. He said that she has to be crazy in bed. Howard said she makes it very clear that she was the one who broke up with Jim. Howard said he has the feeling that she didn't really want to break up with him but Jim is so crazy that she couldn't handle it anymore.
Howard said Oprah talked about her relationship with Stedman and how they have never broken up and she doesn't talk about their relationship in public. Meanwhile Jenny is doing nothing but talking about her relationships in public. Howard said that Jenny has a whole rap on Jim and that's why Oprah has her on just because of that. Howard said this was driving him crazy because Jenny was talking about Jim so much.
Howard played a clip, from the June 10, 2005 interview) where he was asking George about his wife kicking him out of the house after they had their first baby. George said that he came home and his wife had packed up all of his stuff. He talked about how rough it was for a little while. Howard also asked him if it was hard to be married. In that clip George said that he didn't have any women chasing after him even though he was a celebrity.
Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about that. Then Howard brought up Andrew Cuomo and the race for NY Governor. Howard said that this other guy, Carl Paladino, came out of the woodwork and he's not for abortion for anyone for any reason. Howard said that a governor has nothing to do with abortion but it shows that their judgment is out of whack. Robin said the guy had an affair in his marriage and he just told his wife recently that he has a 10 year old daughter. He even went on a vacation with the other mother and daughter last year. Howard said the guy has to be a whack job.
Howard said this guy Paladino has his Tea Party rap going but these Tea Party people seem to be really wacky. Howard said this guy is so far to the right. He said that they all think that science is bullshit and they'll be led by god. Howard said they're trying to change things back to the way they were in the 1920s. Howard said no one can figure out what to do with this country. He said that Bush didn't know what to do and Obama doesn't know what to do either.
Robin read about Paladino losing his son in a car accidnet and that's how he came out with the news about his 10 year old daughter. Howard said he can't imagine coming out with that news. Howard said that the guy had already told his kids about the other daughter. Howard said maybe the kid killed himself in the car accident. Howard said that guy must be whacked out of his skull if they're putting up with that kind of stuff.
Howard said this other one down in Delaware, Christine O'Donnell, is another nut. He said she's just going out and telling people she's going to cut their taxes.
Howard said he should be helping Cuomo with his campaign. He said that guy seems to be kind of intelligent. Howard said if he were Cuomo he'd be attacking this Paladino guy with the stuff about him lying about his love child. Howard said he'd have attack ads going all over the place.
Gary came in and said that Linda McMann is up against someone and they're running ads all the time. Gary said he gets something in the mail from her every day and they must be spending insane amounts of money to campaign. Gary said the guy Linda is up against has started running attack ads too. He said that they're attacking her for how they're running the WWE because they had to lay off a bunch of people. Howard said that sounds like good business to him. Howard said the other guy should get WWE guys to do his commercials. He had Iron Sheik doing his ads and calling Linda all kinds of names.
Howard said he wants to do attack ads. He said they should do that in radio where they bash other DJs. Howard said he used to get mad when they'd only promote your own station and not attack the others. Howard said they really should get the WWE guys on that campaign.
Howard whipped through the rest of the clips and said there were like a million of them. He said that was just his observation of that interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his wife makes him watch Oprah sometimes. Howard said Beth didn't make him watch it, he said that she knew he liked Jenny so she told him she was on. Howard said Jenny was pretending that she didn't even want to be a Playboy model. He said that's all bullshit. He said she was telling a story about how she had a big bush but he doesn't remember her having a big bush when she did those pictures. Howard said he's kind of ticked off at her for not coming on his show anymore. He said that she's like an Oprah know it all who abandoned them. Howard said he doesn't blame her actually. Oprah is giving her a TV show so he'd do the same thing. Howard said Oprah beat him.
Howard said it sounds like the guy is ready to sell out his friends by doing these deals. He's going to make deals for $25,000 and sell pictures to people from the party. Howard said he's not sure how that's going to help a company. Robin said it could help the liquor companies or something like that.
Howard said Mariah has to know what he's up to. Howard read more of the article and they talk about the party they had last year for Mariah's 39th birthday. Howard said you'd hope the guy is ashamed of himself for doing this kind of stuff. Robin said it might be going on more than they think. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he had this guy Karl Larsen on the phone. Karl is one of these Paparazzi guys who used to take pictures of rock bands. He managed to get a shot of Paris Hilton crying in her car and he ended up making some good money from that. Karl said that he got the money making shot that time and within 10 minutes of sending the picture to his service it was all over the news channels.
Howard asked how you make money on that. Karl said with that one picture you can make a yearly salary. Howard said that it has to be a tough job because you're taking pictures of people who don't want to be photographed. Howard said it's a hard life standing around trying to get pictures. Karl said that he still does the rock band photography on the side.
Howard asked if he could make $50,000 getting a shot of Paris Hilton crying in her car. Karl said you probably could. Howard said that sounds pretty good to him. He might have to do that on the side.
Howard said Karl is the guy who was in the tape he played last week where they confronted Mel Gibson. Howard asked how they found out where he was. Karl said his friend recognized his car and he had been in hiding since the tapes came out recently. He said that they saw Mel's car going through town and it had stopped so he got a call about that. He said he was doing a photo shoot so he told them that he had to go and raced over to the spot that his friend was at. He said he didn't tell the photo shoot people where he was going. He said he had a hard time doing it at first. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard asked Karl how he figures out who he's going to try to photograph. He asked if he would pick up on a Sandra Bullock story and then go over to their house and try to get some pictures. Karl said that's exactly what they do. They'll go over to their house and wait for them to come out. He said that they used to go to their house and Jesse James would come out and yell at them and pound on their cars. Howard said that sounds like a photo op right there.
Howard asked about them all getting the same shot and if that cuts down on the money. Karl said that you have to anticipate what's going to happen and come up with good questions for anything you videotape. That led to them talking about how shows like Extra pretend that these guys are horrible but meanwhile they're buying the tapes to play on their shows.
Howard asked Karl about following around Mel Gibson. Karl said that they didn't know who they were following. He said he saw a figure come out of the building and he jumped out of the car to get some questions in. He said that Mel had these audio tapes out where he had gone ballistic and he wanted to ask about that. Karl said Mel got out of his car and came over to confront them. Karl said there were two parts to that tape. In one he asked Mel about hitting a woman. The guy rolled into a fetal position and he realized he had a fake moustache on. He said he had a prosthetic nose and a pillow in his shirt to make him look chubby. He said they got some good pictures of him dressed like that.
Howard asked about Mel confronting them. Karl said that they had driven away and he turned to his friend and said they should follow them to see where he goes. His friend said they already had the shot so they didn't have to. Karl said they pulled into traffic and followed him for a couple of blocks. Then Mel pulled down a residential street and pulled over. He said they gave him some space so they were like half a football field away and Mel got out of the car and approached them without the disguise on. He said that Mel came up to the car and he got really excited about it. He was going to have video of him as well as the pictures. Howard asked how much that's worth. He asked if it's worth $100,000. Karl said he should hope so. He didn't say it was. He said that he should let the fans know it's only worth 5 grand. Howard asked what it's really wroth. Karl said in gross sales it probably is over 100 grand. He said he's not sure what the total worth is. Howard said he doesn't understand how he doesn't know. He said he's the only one with the tape. He asked what it's worth and who is paying for it. Karl said he can't really retire. Howard wanted to know what it's worth. Karl wouldn't give him a figure. Karl said he'll tell him in 6 months. He said it has to be worth over 100 grand. Howard said he must be having a good year. Karl said he is having a good year.
Howard asked who the greatest Paparazzi is. He said it has to be this guy Ron Galella. Howard asked who the big guy is now. Karl wasn't helping out much with that stuff so Howard just moved on and played the audio of Mel Gibson coming up to the car and confronting them. Karl was asking Mel about the Oksana tapes and asking if he thinks he'll ever make another movie in Hollywood again. Mel said he just wanted to get some video of them and asked how it feels sniffing other people's laundry. Then Karl gets out of the car and asked for his money back from all of the movies he's seen.
Howard said that Karl seems to be very calm on camera but he's nervous on the phone. Karl said he's under pressure there. Howard said it seems like a very nerve wracking career. He said it must put a lot of stress on him. He said he's basically annoying people.
Robin asked if he was saying he was gong to be rich because he was coming to the car or that he thought he was going to get Mel to do something to him. Karl said he once drove away when Jesse James was coming over to his car. He said that this other guy got his car bashed in and he sold the video and made some money off of that.
Howard asked if Karl ever feels bad for people. Karl said he doesn't feel bad for Jesse James or Mel Gibson. He said he doesn't think anyone else would either. Howard asked about people who are just trying to go through with their day and they ask them to back off but they don't. Karl said that some people don't mind it and they just smile and wave. He said that some of the guys use long lenses so they're not that close to them. He said that if they all stay 50 feet away then they can be nice to them. Howard asked who decides who is nice. Karl said that the other photographers would stand up for people like Gwen Stefani and her family.
Howard asked Karl if he's ever been punched. Karl said no. He said he didn't think Mel was going to hit them. He said that he thought that they were going to be rich just because they got tape of Mel for the first time since the tapes came out. He said you never want to confront anyone, you just want them to dig their own hole. He took a big risk opening his window for Mel.
Howard said he has a problem with the Paparazzi sometimes. He said that it can get kind of crazy. Howard said he's fine with it when he's at a party or something but not when he's walking down the street. He said he can't imagine doing that for a living. He said it can't be easy.
Howard asked Karl if he knows the guy who got punched by Russell Brand. Karl said he knows of the guy. He said he heard some stories about that. Howard said he heard that Katy Perry said the guy was trying to get a shot up her dress. Karl said it can get overwhelming when a bunch of photographers show up and they get into a group. He said that they could have 40-50 guys taking shots.
Howard said he had to run so he gave Karl a plug for his web site KarlLarsen.com. He let him go after that.
Howard said they didn't really learn anything about being a Paparazzi. Howard said they're worse than celebrities talking about money. Howard said he figured they'd talk about anything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he didn't want to talk about that because then more people would think there's good money out there doing this job. Howard said that might be it.
Howard said when he was out in L.A. He noticed that these guys get physical with you. He said it's kind of scary. He said it's kind of complimentary that so many people want to take your picture though. It can get pretty crazy.
Howard said he worshiped his father because he was a recording engineer. He said his father ran this recording studio after buying it with a bunch of other people. Howard said he would go there with his dad and his dad would look at the announcers and he'd be impressed with their work. He said he'd come home and tell them about how great these people were. He said his dad never got excited except when he met some famous announcer.
Howard said he never dreamed that he'd be as successful as he is. He said he never thought he'd be making $50,000 a year. He said he wasn't even sure he could do that. Robin said it's still a shock that the show has lasted as long as it has.
Howard said he was just an announcer when he started out. He said he had this weird obsession with radio since he was 5 years old and that's because of what his dad did for a living. Howard said he knew that he had to do something to have a career and this is what he did.
Howard said he thought about how he could be a morning man some day but he was terrible at it. He said he likes it when he goes out and people admire him. He said he even loves it when old ladies are looking at him in a restaurant. He said he likes being the center of attention.
Howard said he does get carried away with himself at times. He said he thinks he's a know it all and he gets all pumped up.
Robin said she was listening to the promo for the History of Howard Stern Part IV and they'll be playing the Rosie O'Donnell stuff from when they weren't on good terms. Howard said he's looking forward to that.
Howard let the caller go after he said he had to get going. Howard said that guy had enough of him and didn't want to hear his answer. Howard said he thought he was vibing with that guy. He must have been talking too much. He said it was like ''Howard, you're droning on...'' Howard said he was going on too long about that apparently.
Howard read more about Ron and Cher and said that this is great for Ron. They claim that he has personality to spare but Howard and Robin said they never thought of him like that. Howard said that Ron has tried to kill himself like 17 times. Howard did his impression of Ron and talked about how he used to just go home instead of hanging out with them in Vegas and things like that.
Howard read more of the article where they talked about who would be the best man and who will be giving Cher away. Howard said that he doesn't want Ron inviting them. Howard said that would fuck it all up for Ron. He pictures Cher kicking him out of her mansion and out of her life if he said he wanted to invite them.
Howard made up some conversations that Ron and Cher could have about that stuff. He was doing his impression of Ron and Cher having the discussion about inviting Howard and Robin to the wedding. Robin said she thinks they should be able to go if Kathy Griffin can go.
Howard kept the fake conversation going for a few minutes. He had Ron and Cher arguing about who should come to the wedding and about Chaz being the best man. Howard said he hasn't seen Ron in a long time and he doesn't think he'd really invite him. Robin said that they don't keep in touch. Howard said they do email each other once in a while. He said they're not that close though.
Howard said he was happy about the part of the story where they say Cher has fallen head over heels for Ron Zimmerman. Howard read the bio they had for Ron in there and how he was friendly with Howard Stern. Howard said Ron has sold some scripts for some big money too. Howard said Ron has had some accomplishments. He got beaten up by Sam Kinison once when he was writing for his TV show. Robin said that was one of the best stories when Bill Kinison told them that story.
Robin said she's pretty sure that Ron won't be allowed to have one friend at that wedding. Howard said he never would have thought about hooking Ron up with Cher. He said he should have done that and maybe he'd be at the wedding.
Howard read about the stuff that Cher suffers from and how she has Epstein Barr and Diverticulitis. Howard said that Ron should buy Dr. Sarno's book for Cher. He said they can discuss all of that at the wedding if they're invited.
Howard said he's pretty sure there's no chance he's going to be invited. He imagined what Cher would say to Ron if he did that.
Howard said he's happy for Ron and Cher. He said that she was never really treated right but the guys she was with. Robin said she was with that gay guy for a while too. Howard told her not to call Richie Sambora gay. Robin said she was referring to someone else. Howard asked if she was talking about Gene Simmons. Robin said it wasn't him either. That led to them talking about Gene and all of the KISS items they sell.
Robin said Cher was with some guy who was gay. Howard said he didn't know who that was. Howard said Ron must have a lot of pressure on him to be funny for Cher.
Robin said she just went on the official Cher web site and she's got on a wild outfit. Howard said Ron is probably dressed like Yucko the Clown while she's in that outfit. Ron has to be her court jester. Howard said if Ron tries to invite them to the wedding he's going to tell him that it's a bad idea. Howard said that Cher wants to gaze at Ron and not at them. Howard imagined her hitting Ron on the head with a frying pan for inviting them.
Howard was going to go to break but he was wondering if Cher tweets. Jason said she does. Howard figured Ron was writing her lines but Jason said she doesn't really have any funny stuff so Ron probably wasn't writing anything for her. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jim Breuer come in. He said he was coming in to promote his book ''I'm Not High: (But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior).'' Howard told Jim he's actually reading that book and he hates reading books.
Howard told Gary that Jim's mic was way too high on his face. Gary said he didn't want to grab it. He said he thought it was a little high but then Jim moved it so he thought it was okay.
Howard said that he's really not a reader but he did start reading Jim's book. He said he opened it up in the middle of the book and started out reading about his days at Saturday Night Live. He said he's up to the last chapter and now he has to start at the beginning.
Howard said he likes that Jim details what went on at Saturday Night Live. Howard said that Lorne Michaels didn't give a shit about Jim and they weren't sure why they had even hired him. Howard said they weren't accepting any of his work there.
Jim said he later learned that he was almost like a political match. He said that it was the network that moved in and helped cast the show. He said they wanted him, not Lorne. Jim said that Loren was like ''Screw you man'' and didn't want him there. Howard said they did that to Robin once. They brought in someone to replace her.
Howard said when Jim was going through this he was walking in the halls one day and did his Joe Pesci impression for an intern. The Intern told him that he should do that for everyone and that's how he ended up doing the impression on the show. Jim said the intern was a stoner kid that was really funny. He said that the kid was the worst intern ever. He couldn't even take a message. The kid knew talent though. Jim said he did his Pesci for the kid and the kid goes ''Dude... you gotta do Pesci.'' He suggested they put him on Weekend Update with Norm. Jim did his Pesci impression and his Norm MacDonald impression as he told the story. Jim said that the intern came up with this whole idea. He said that he didn't pitch the idea in the writer's meeting though. He said it was this guy Steve who was a great writer.
Howard asked if all of the writers end up going into the movie writing business. Jim said a lot do. He said he and Tracy wrote a movie once. He said that he was going to play this guy who falls in love with dog ugly women because his mother was so manly looking. He said that Tracy was going to play the part of a girl he falls in love with. He said they went to Universal to read the script and they got up to page 55. Then the President of Universal pushes his chair back and says that it's the weirdest script he's ever heard but he wanted to do it. Jim said that the producer told him that they had to get them back to work by the second week of September and then Lorne got mad at them for going behind his back to Universal. He said that their characters never made it to the show and he was upset that they were going to do this without him. Jim said he understands that now.
Howard asked why Lorne didn't produce the movie then. Jim said he thinks that was his last year there or he didn't come back or something.
Howard asked Jim what happened with the Pesci character after that. Jim said that he was asked by Steve Corn to go into his office. Lorne Michaels was there so they had to pitch the bit to him. Jim said it wasn't even him pitching it. He said Steve told him how to sell it to Lorne. Jim said they had producers and writers there. Jim said he had been ignored for the longest time there. Jim said he felt like his dad had finally accepted him in that meeting. He said that Lorne actually burst out laughing when he did the voice. He said that he was staring at him like he was a new found jewel or like a woman that he was in love with. Howard said Lorne welcomed him into the club after that.
Howard said that Lorne started inviting him out to dinners out in the Hamptons. Jim said that was huge. He said that he was asked to go out there to dinner and he had finally been accepted. Howard asked if he knew he was having those parties. Jim said he had no idea. He said they would go to this place Orso and he'd see Whoopi Goldberg eating dinner there. He said he would freak out seeing people like that in there.
Howard asked if any of the cast were there. Jim said there were people there but guys like Norm MacDonald would never come. He said that Norm never wanted to be there at all. Jim said they had a press conference once and he was walking down the halls and saw Norm smoking a cigarette back stage. He said that Norm is like the guy who just blows off what the boss tells you to do. Jim said he wasn't paying attention while they were introducing him they mentioned that he grew up in New York and must have known the show. Jim then said that he had never watched Saturday Night Live and he could hear everyone take a deep breath and David Spade laughing at that. Jim said that they were all freaked out by that. He said that Warren Littlefield took the mic from him and said he must have liked the show when he was a teenager. Jim said he told them that he never watched the show even when he was a teen.
Howard said that Jim did his Pesci thing and then he came out with his Goat Boy character. That Pesci thing opened him up so he was comfortable to do the other characters. Howard said he was being shut down before that. Jim said it really hurt being shut down. Jim said that he was told he was on his own once Fred and Steve left the show. He said that they left about 2 years into it.
Howard said there's a story in the book about how Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro agreed to come on the show and be part of the Joe Pesci show. Jim said that was a huge deal because De Niro never did TV. It was going to be Colin Quinn playing the fake De Niro. He said that it was all a top secret thing. He said he heard that Pesci, De Niro and even Scorsese called to see the tape and he figured they'd want him for a movie or something. He said he never heard from them though.
Jim said that they had Pesci come in to meet with him. He said that it was just going to be him and Pesci in a meeting to hash out the sketch. Jim said that he came in and Pesci had his cigar and the Goodfellas suit on. Jim said that Joe asked him if he was Italian. Jim said he's not and then Pesci asked him where he gets the balls to say ''guinea, dago and wop.'' Pesci wouldn't stop and he just kept going on and on about this stuff. Jim said he thought he was kidding. He said Pesci kept going on like he was portraying him as an animal. Jim said he was scared because he thought he was serious. Jim said he was so scared that he blamed the writers for writing that stuff. Then Pesci said that he's the one who is representing himself. He's the one at the end of the day that he has a problem with. Jim said that he thought he was fucked because of this. Jim figured he was going to have to sign his life away. He said he still doesn't know if he was kidding or not. He thinks that he really wasn't kidding in the beginning.
Jim said he almost started crying and told Pesci he was a huge fan of his and he told him that he imitated him when he was younger. He told him that he never calls Italians names. He said that he gets mad at the guests and asks them if they think he's some kind of dago or guinea. That's when Joe changed his tune and said he was just busting his balls. He also told him that De Niro wasn't going to do any kind of rehearsal either.
Jim said that he ran and told Lorne that De Niro wasn't going to be there for dress rehearsal. He said that Lorne told him that he would be there. Jim said he heard that De Niro had backed out when he heard it was live. Then they were on the air and De Niro wasn't even there yet. He said they had to fight with Lorne about what they were going to do. He said they were going to dress Darrell Hammond as a fake De Niro. They knew that wouldn't work. He said the sketch started and Rob Lowe was in the sketch playing Eric Roberts. He said he was ditching the sketch because he knew it was going to be stupid. Then he hears this cheer and there they were on live TV. De Niro and Pesci both showed up. Howard wondered why he would do that to people. He said that it didn't make any sense. Jim said that he may not have wanted to do it. He said that De Niro can do as many takes as he wants in a movie but not on a live TV show.
Howard said that sketch went over really well. It was huge. Jim said that it really was but then he dropped the ball with Pesci. He said he asked his assistant what he likes. The assistant said he likes cigars so he went to a cigar shop and picked up something that the shop owner suggested. Jim said that the guy told him that they were ''five fifty'' so he figured it was $5.50 each. He had no idea how expensive they were. Jim said he ended up leaving them in his fridge and forgot about them. It was too late to send them because he had lost the number for Pesci's assistant.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for his book signings and for the Howard TV special ''Howard Stern's 25 Greatest Guests'' that Jim hosts.
Howard got back to the book and said he read about Jim's step-sister who has a son by the name of Steve O. Not the Steve O from Jackass though. Howard said that this kid wasn't raised right according to Jim. Jim said that the kid started out spray painting at 12 and the cops came and told the mom about what he did and all she heard was ''It's not my fault.'' Jim said that he did a sketch on SNL called ''Camping'' and it was based on this. He said he used to come home and his nephew would have bicycles and VCRs in the garage that he had ''found.'' The kid's mother didn't think he was stealing them.
Jim said Steve's mother put her head in the sand and said that her son could do no wrong. Jim said he couldn't just ignore what was going on. He said he knew that he was the last male role model that the kid had. He said Steve met some kids that broke into a warehouse where they hung out. They ended up burning down that warehouse and the kid got 5 years in the penn. He said that the kid was either going to kill himself or he's just done. Jim said he wrote to the kid while he was in jail and he was just rotting away. Jim said that his mom would blame his friends for anything he did wrong.
Howard said after the kid got out of prison Jim said to himself that he was going to be the only one who could save him. Howard said Jim knew he had to do something and he took him into his home. Jim said they took him in and his wife blew him away by agreeing to it. Jim said that this is like a movie. He said they had just had their second child at the time. They had a 2 year old and a 5 year old and this kid gets out of the car and he's like 6'3'' with tattoos and he was like ''Oh. My. God.'' Jim said he brought him to this little town of Chester where he lived.
Howard said Jim wanted to turn this kid into man but he had to see if he had a soul first. Jim said he found out that he did have a soul and a good heart. Howard asked if the wife was nervous about him. Jim said she was great. He said that the kids changed Steve's life. He said that they loved him and his face lit up when he'd hear them telling him that they love him. Jim said that he told the kid that if he dies then he's really screwed. He said he's the only one who is going to help him.
Jim said that the kid got a job and he had pushed him into that. Howard said Jim was a great role model. He said he went shopping for a car with him and he told him not to get the best car on the lot. He said he had to get a car that he could afford and not the best car on the lot.
Jim said that he bought this crappy car and he remembers it pulling into the neighborhood which is really nice. He said that the kid got out of the car and he loved it. He said he would clean it every day and he was so proud that he had accomplished this. Jim said his wife put up with all of this.
Howard said Steve is now the head of security at a department store and he's got a wife and kids of his own now. Jim said his wife is unreal. He said that he just cried last night. He said that Steve told him that he's not just an uncle, he's going to be grandpa to his kids. Robin said she was about to cry hearing that.
Howard said Jim took a big chance having the kid come into his house. Jim said that he did take a chance but it worked out. Howard said Jim is a good man. Howard said he thinks he'd have Jim over to his house now that he's read this stuff.
Howard said he also loves that Jim takes care of his dad the way he does. He said that he takes him out on the road sometimes. Howard said he went out on the road recently and the guy shit his pants 3 times. Jim said that he has to clean him up too. He said it makes him feel good to take his dad out with him. He said his dad stares at the walls at home. He's waiting to die. He loves going out on the road though. Jim said that the guy is dirty and filthy.
Jim said they were out in Iowa and his dad had already shit his pants once. He said he had him in Depends and thank god for those. He said he asked his dad if he had to go to the bathroom. He said he was fine so he went to pee. Then he heard that his father had to pee. They walked 10 feet and he shit his pants. Jim said he was saying he was sorry and he didn't mean to do it. He said the guy is 87 years old now. Jim said he brought him into a Holiday Inn and had to clean him up. He said it looked like Algae from a pond. He said that it's not the diaper that does it. It's when you see it on his leg that makes him dry heave. Jim said this was the worst one. He said he starved him to death on the last 3 days. Jim said it was horrible and funny at the same time.
Jim said they pulled up to this gorgeous hotel in Iowa and he was checking in knowing he had this great suite there. Then this guy came in and told him his father had to go. He ran outside and opened the door and there's crap on his fingers. Jim wondered how that happened. He said he took his father's hands and checked them for shit. He looked at his father and didn't see anything. He wondered how shit got on the door. Jim said it was fresh too so he wasn't able to figure it out. He put his father in his wheelchair and then he smelled something. He wheeled him in the chair through the lobby where guys were drinking.
Jim said he was checking in and then he sees clumps of shit in his father's shorts. He went over to his father and took him into the bathroom to scoop the shit out. He said he could still smell it so he put him in the shower as he was dry heaving. Jim said he went outside and next to the car there was a pile of crap on the sidewalk with a million flies all over it. Jim said these people are looking at it wondering who someone would let their dog crap on the sidewalk. Jim said he had to tell them that it was his dad.
Howard said Jim's life is very full. He asked if he ever needs time to himself. Jim said that he does get frustrated at times. Howard said that he wrote about how he got mad at his step-sister for some of what she did. Jim said that it was her lack of acknowledgement for what she did. He said he never looks for a thank you from her though. He said he's still close to her. He said they call her the Hurricane. Howard asked if he was afraid that she'd put her problems on him. Jim said he cut a lot out of the book about her. He said he didn't want to make it bad for her.
Howard said he read that Jim and Adam Carolla are having problems. Jim said that he would like to do something for Howard on his channels. He said that one of his listeners called up and said that he should start a war with Adam because he said something about him on his Podcast. Jim said that it was just something on his cheesy little Podcast. Howard said he had the clip to play. In the clip David Alan Grier was on the show and they brought up the top 100 comics on Comedy Central. They were talking about who was funnier than David. Jim Breuer was on the list. That led to them bad mouthing Jim. Adam said he has interviewed Jim before and his coffee mug is funnier than Jim. David said that they like Jim.
Howard wondered why they would attack Jim like that. Jim said he's not sure why they did that. He said that he did an interview with Adam back in like 2002 or 2003 on Lovelines. He said that Adam started off the interview asking who he was because he knows just about every B and C level comic. Jim said that Adam asked him what he had done that made him famous. Jim said he muscled through the interview. He said he thinks it would be fun to go to war with Adam but he really doesn't care. He said that Adam has never done anything successful on his own. Jim said he had his radio show that didn't go.
Howard said he had more questions for Jim but he was running out of time. Howard said he read that Jim was on a plane and he thought there was a terrorist on the flight. Jim said he was in first class on a long flight a while back. He said that it was right around the terrorist days. He said he had some time to sleep and he didn't have to clean up shit. He said he had an empty seat next to him and all of a sudden this guy shows up at the last second. The guy had full blown sheets on his head and he was blind. He said he was moaning and in full Arab head gear. He said he figured they were diseasing the plane with this guy. Then he comes and sits next to him. Jim said the guy who escorted him went to the back of the plane. The guy smelled bad and his eyes were all blue and creepy looking. He was moaning and he kept putting his hand all over the place. Jim said he doesn't drink on the flights but he figured he had to on this one. Jim said he ordered some wine and he was out cold.
Jim said he woke up to someone holding his hand. He said they were pulling him toward something. Jim said the guy was pulling him onto his lap or something. He said he woke up and looked over and the guy had a full blown erection and it was hanging out. He said he kept pulling his hand over to it like he wanted him to give him a hand job. Jim said he was looking and no one saw it going on. Everyone was sleeping. Jim said he hit the bell and the flight attendant came over. He said she leaned over to him and asked what she could do for him. Jim said he pointed out that his penis was sticking out and she goes ''OH MY GOD!'' and ran off to get his brother from the back. Jim said the brother later told him that he had to pee and that's why he was pulling his hand there.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for his book ''I'm Not High: (But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior)'' and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he was in the middle of something. He said he was suggesting some stuff for the Thanksgiving holiday.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Jim Breuer interview was great. Howard said that guy is really funny. They also talked about Gary's facial hair because the caller didn't like it.
Howard asked the caller if he wanted to play a game. The guy had won before but Howard let him play anyway. He had a Little Lupe game to play. He played a question which was ''Who is the monster with the bolts on his neck?'' and the caller had to guess if she'd know the answer. The guy said that she would know it. Howard said he was only getting one question. Lupe actually knew it so the caller won $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard was shocked that she knew the answer.
The caller wanted to get a tour of the studio too but Howard said he should call back another time. Howard played another question which was ''The Chilean miners are in what country?'' Lupe said ''France.'' Sal asked her ''Where was Jesus Christ born?'' Lupe said Jerusalem. Sal asked ''What is 5x5?'' and she knew the right answer of 25. Howard said that they have Little Lupe's show up on Howard TV now. It's been up there for a couple of days now.
Steve said that Scott the Engineer is heading down to Texas to practice for the upcoming PBA tournaments out there. He wasn't doing so well practicing over the weekend. He only bowled a 119. Howard said he could bowl a 119 himself. Robin wondered what Scott is getting out of this.
Scott came in and said that practicing is just to find the location that you want to throw it to. He said you don't even keep score. He said that he bowled a 258 last night so that 119 was just practice. Howard asked what ''hitting a location'' even meant. Scott said he's trying to do that for a specific oil pattern. That's all that was about. Scott said he can still bowl.
Howard asked when he's leaving for the PBA thing. Scott said that's at the end of October. Howard asked how many strikes he got to get the 258. Scott said it was probably 7 strikes and 4 spares. He said he had to have 4 or 5 strikes in a row. Howard said Scott is disturbing. He said his wife thinks that he's good looking though.
Howard said he read that Robin has lost 90 pounds. He said he read that somewhere. Howard asked if anyone had heard about how Greg Giraldo was doing. Robin said she hadn't heard any updates since the reports of his overdose.
Howard read that article about Robin losing 90 pounds but Robin said she didn't lose 90. Howard said he saw that she was doing some kind of blog but the link didn't work for him. Robin said she thinks she's still at 70 pounds.
Steve said they have a story about Eric the Midget still not signing a deal with Beezid.com because they still want him to wear a bee costume. Robin wondered what the big deal is. Howard said it's not a big deal. A lot of actors wear bee costumes.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. That led to them talking about Scott the Engineer some more. Howard said that Scott is full of it when he says he wasn't bowling for score. He and Fred did their Scott impressions and goofed on him for a few minutes.
Howard said Scott is all involved with the PBA now. He said it's all working out for him and with the PBA. He said they had 8 balls up there for him to check out yesterday. Howard asked Scott how that all came about. Scott came back in to talk about that. Scott said Brunswick sent him a bunch of balls but not there. He said he brought two of them in to ship them down to Texas where he's going this weekend. Ronnie came in and said that he knows that Scott was doing stuff with the balls and talking about how you use them for different conditions. Scott said they have some patterns of oil where they make it so it's like ice. Ronnie said he even knows how many slats of wood wide the alleys are. Scott said it's 75 and you have to hit the right one for various conditions.
Howard got Scott's itinerary showing what he'll be doing this weekend in Texas. He's going to be learning a lot of stuff but Howard asked why it's not just bowling. It's too involved for him. He read about all of the stuff they'll be teaching Scott out there. Howard said Scott is like a rock star with this thing. He said he thinks he'll choke though. He said he thinks he'll bowl a 120 or a 119 like he did practicing. Scott said that he may bowl one game that low but not all of them.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with an Intern Show preview. Steve said they have their intern ''Smiles'' coming in to talk about Ronnie making up that nickname for her. Howard said he heard that the other guys there were crowding around her too. He said that Scott DePace was one of the guys and the other interns were saying that Scott never talks to the other interns, just her. DePace said whoever that is should be thrown out of there because they're nuts. Benjy was defending himself saying that he didn't do what they're claiming he did either. Howard said that this same intern came up with a good idea for the show. He said he's not going to say who it was. Howard said he came up with a Staff Newlywed Game where they ask the staff how well they know each other. Benjy said that's not the intern's idea.
Howard had Robin ask him questions about Fred. He knew where he went to school and what his daughter's name was. Fred said they're going to win this thing. Howard said he doesn't know his favorite color. Howard asked what book Fred read over and over. It was the World Book Encyclopedia. They threw out a bunch of questions that any fan would know about Fred. They asked where the famous fight was between Fred and his wife. That was in the Rainbow Room. Robin asked how many siblings Fred has. He has one brother. Robin asked what his favorite team is. Howard said he's going to say it's the Giants but it was the Yankees.
Benjy suggested Howard name one song that Fred has put out. Howard didn't know any. Benjy didn't either. Robin asked what the name of his band is. Howard got it after a couple of tries. It's King Norris.
Howard asked Steve what else they have on the Intern Show. Steve said they're going to talk to that intern about who has been stepping up to her like Ronnie did. The Intern Show is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard said he had a report about him having bedbugs. He said he doesn't have them, it was SIRIUS that had them. Robin asked Howard if he's going to say where they found them. Howard said they had them near the Real Doll and in another spot. They had to get rid of the Real Doll. Howard played the news report about him showing up to work wearing a hazmat suit. The reporters seemed to understand why he was so freaked out. Howard said that was a pretty accurate report.
Robin read a story about how to avoid bedbugs in hotels. Robin said that seems to be how people are bringing them home. Howard said you're supposed to wrap your shit in plastic and throw it in the washing machine on high temperature. Robin read the other suggestions like checking customer reviews, checking the bed linens for signs of the bugs and things like that. Howard said he's never traveling again after hearing that. He said he's going to learn to levitate so he doesn't have to sleep on a bed.
Howard read some email feedback about Cyrus from Philly who died. Howard said they liked the little tribute they did for him yesterday. There were people suggesting that Ronnie drive him around in a Pedicab. Howard said that he got some mail about the hazmat suit he had yesterday. He said that Gary was saying that it wasn't enough protection but he just wanted to have another level of protection on him. Howard said the fans liked Garry Shandling on the show. He got some good feedback about him and some bad. He said some people didn't like the way he stammered out his answers like JD.
Robin read that Amy Fisher is a full fledged porn star now and she's going to be doing 8 XXX-rated movies for some company.
Robin read a story about some air force members who are saying they have had close encounters with UFOs. Robin said they spoke about this during some hearing. That was back in 1967. Robin said they testified about that and said that some of the nuclear weapons in the area became inoperative. Howard said that's bull. He said that they'll come here and look at our nuclear weapons but not land? He said that's so silly.
Robin read a story about how they're using monkeys to keep other monkeys out of some grounds in Japan. They're using trained monkeys to keep away common monkeys.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounded like Garry Shandling sounded high yesterday. Howard said he doesn't know about that. The caller said that's what it sounded like to him. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said he didn't even know when Artie was high.
Robin said that some students at Rutgers were arrested for taping their roommate having sex and posting it on the internet. They were arrested and could face some jail time for that.
Howard quickly mentioned the Ultimate Superfan Contest they have coming up and how you can enter to win. Check SIRIUS.com for details.
Robin read a story about an Al Queda suspect being arrested. Howard did a live commercial read after that story.
Robin read a story about some soldiers that are being accused of being thrill killers but they're saying they were just following orders. Howard said he would shoot someone if his commanding officer told him to do it. He said that's what they're supposed to do.
Robin read a story about a TV show called ''Sister Wives'' that's coming to TLC soon. Robin said the families are now being investigated for bigamy. The guy is claiming that he's only married to one of the women now.
Robin read about actor Jeffrey Jones who was sentenced to 250 hours of community service after failing to register as a sex offender.
Robin said that Facebook is now a place where pedophiles are finding kids to prey on. Robin said an investigation found a bunch of NAMBLA pages on Facebook. That led to Fred playing a classic NAMBLA answering machine message that they've planed many times.
Robin read about a case that's going on about Anna Nicole Smith and her estate trying to get a share of J. Howard Marshall's money. That's still going on even though Anna is dead. Robin said Anna got nothing in his will when he died in 2007.
Robin read about a Muslim woman who was suing Disneyland because they didn't want her wearing a head scarf. Howard said everyone should wear a head scarf to work so he doesn't end up with hair in his food. Robin said the woman is now wearing a Disney hat and scarf so she doesn't draw attention to herself.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said that Jerry O'Connell's new show ''The Defenders'' is great. Robin said she thought it was great too. Howard said he saw No Ordinary Family last night and it was really good. The caller said he liked that too. Howard said Beth hated that show. He said he'll be watching that alone now. Howard said the girl who plays the wife is way too hot for Michael Chicklis. Howard said in real life she wouldn't be married to him.
Robin read about the nominees for the Rock and Roll hall of fame. She had some clips of some of the bands that were nominated.
Robin had some audio clips of President Obama yelling about something during a speech. Howard said he shouldn't yell.
Robin read about how the Star Wars movies are going to be converted to 3D. Robin said they're going to convert all 6 but the first to get the treatment will be Episode 1 which was the fourth released. Robin said that they're going to take about a year to convert.
Robin mentioned a movie remake that's coming out and Howard said he's been offered a remake of a movie that he's thinking about doing.
Robin had some audio of one of the stars of the new movie ''Social Networking'' but Howard cut it off after about a second. He said he doesn't care how Facebook was created at all. Howard said if someone came to him and asked to make that movie he'd tell them to get the fuck out of his office.
Robin had some more audio of some actors talking about their movies. Howard didn't last long playing those. He cut them off and said he didn't care. He said he was going to make a movie about the inventor of Liquid Paper. He'd play the husband of the woman who invented it.
Robin asked Howard if he watches the results show for Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he doesn't. That's why he was watching No Ordinary Family last night. Howard said he sometimes watches the results but fast forwards through it. Howard said it used to be a half hour but now they drag it out for two hours and it's boring.
Robin read about a survey done that found that most people don't know about religion. Howard said of course they don't. There's so many other things to do that no one cares. Robin said that Atheists and agnostics were some of the people who scored the highest about their knowledge of religion.
Howard had a clip of Michael Bolton talking about how one of the judges on Dancing with the Stars should apologize to him for what he said on the show. He played that and then ended the show around 10:50am.
Scott came in and said that it is a sport. He said that it takes hand eye coordination and some ability. Gary said that it's not athletic ability. Scott said that he has bowled when he was fat so he's right about that.
Jon and Gary asked Scott about his practice bowling that led to his 119 score. Scott explained that and said that he just wanted to hit a location on the alley that he wanted to hit. That's what it was all about.
Jon and Gary asked Scott if he's going to have any time down in Texas to do anything other than bowl. Scott said he doesn't think he will. He said he's going to be using the Olympic facilities down there and he's not sure who else will be there. Scott said he's not sure what else will be going on while he's there.
Gary said that the world of bowling has really gotten behind this whole thing. They think that Howard is saving bowling by talking about it so much. Jon said he didn't know that bowling was an Olympic sport. Scott said it is.
Howard called in and said they were laughing in the car about this whole thing. Howard said he doesn't understand why Scott had to hit his location and how that's going to help him out in the long run. He said if he's missing the pins then he's not bowling well. Scott said it does matter. Howard said he should just be trying to knock down the pins. Scott said when he bowls in a league he knows where to put the ball. He said in the pro conditions he has to change his technique. Scott said he's not throwing the right ball for the condition. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about.
Jon told Howard what Scott was talking about. He said that in different conditions it's going to send the ball in a different spot. He's just practicing for that. Howard said he's never heard of such a thing and he and Ronnie are laughing in the car about it. Howard told Scott to just hit the pins. He's never heard of such a thing. Scott said there's a certain pattern that he was practicing for and that's why the score was so low. Howard asked Ronnie if he understood all of that. Ronnie sarcastically said ''Oh, of course.''
Jon asked Ronnie if Scott changed his story in the studio today. Ronnie said that he did and he saw the balls in Scott's studio.
Jon let Howard go and took another call. The caller said that you have to take someone on a bowling alley to show them what these oil patterns are. He said that you have to take someone out there and let them touch the oil to know what they're talking about. He said that they're tough as hell to play on.
Scott said there are 5 different patterns and that's what he's going to be playing on. Scott said that there's a lot more to it than just practicing the locations. He said he could change balls, slow it down, speed it up and all of that.
Gary said he loves to bowl but he's zoning out here. Jon said he didn't know it was that involved. Gary said he doesn't think anyone cares though. Scott said that the oil conditions will change during the games and they could make you move. Gary wanted to end the discussion. He asked if they would rather hear this or watch his old home movies.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that he's in total agreement with Gary. He said Scott is so dull on the air. Ralph said he's trying to be funny and he's just awful on the air. He said he's explaining things and no one cares.
Jon asked what's going on with the Staff Newlywed game. Gary said he thinks that it makes sense and it could work. They were teaming up the guys on the show and some of the teams were good. They went over some of those teams and talked about how Howard and Fred were doing together. Gary said he would pair Howard and Robin up. Gary said he wouldn't pair Benjy up with anyone.
Jon said that he'd pair up Richard and Sal. Gary said that makes sense but he's not sure they know everything about each other. Jon said he thinks they do.
Jon said Howard and Fred have been around each other for a very long time. He wondered how they would do as a pair. Gary said it depends on the questions. He said it could be funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows people got upset with Ronnie yesterday but they have to get off of people's backs there. He said the show may not be around for a long time and they have to stop insulting each other and putting each other down. The guy said he hasn't heard the show today yet but he has pre-ordered Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.''
Jon asked the guy if he thinks that Howard is riding Scott too hard with the bowling thing. The caller said he thinks they could get good material out of that without being so mean to him. Gary said he thinks the show is going to be on for a while but they're not going to change the way they do the show. The caller said he said he might be sensitive this week.
Jon asked what else he was upset about on the show. The caller said that there are callers who just get on people's cases and it's too much. Jon asked Gary if they can all just get along. Gary said they should just keep doing what they're doing.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that you forget about the Staff Newlywed Game that they did on the show already. They did one just like they were describing. Vinnie said it would be great to do it again though but they did it already. Gary said he remembers that now. He said that was like 8 years ago though so they have new people there and more knowledge about each other.
Vinnie also complained about how they replayed a Sal and Richard phony phone call that they had just played earlier this week. He said it's frustrating when they do that. Gary said that Jason is in charge of that and he'll have to check into what happened.
A caller complained about Howard saying ''In other words...'' too much. He said he was doing it yesterday and he wanted to strangle him. He said it was like every other word.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hates Ralph with a passion. He said he's frustrated when they bust Scott's balls because everyone practices games like that and pool. Gary had to cut the guy off because of his bad connection and the fact that they had covered that enough already today.
Jon ended up asking Scott about his bowling balls again and spent a minute talking about that. Gary asked Scott if he was excited about his push-up challenge making it into the History of Howard Stern Act IV. Scott said he was. Gary asked him if he was on something back then that made him have that rage he had. Scott said he was taking Creatine but that was it. He said he was crazy from the intense training he was doing with Radu. He said he was doing nothing but training to do 17 push-ups. Scott said he could probably only do 2 now. Gary said those 17 were in question back then. Scott said they weren't pretty but the rules didn't say they had to be pretty.
Gary said he takes the blame for the whole thing. He said they let an intern be a referee and the guy took it really personally that he fucked up the contest. Gary said the funnier part was the next day when Howard came in and said he felt like he had a gun to his head and Scott was making him pay him off. Scott said that was one of the hardest things he's ever done. He only had 6 weeks to do what he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the show hasn't been that good lately and they do too much bickering. He said that he liked hearing the bowling discussions earlier. He said that it's boring when they talk about stuff they don't know about and say that it's pointless when they know nothing about it. The caller said he feels the same way about the DDT thing when Howard talks about it and really doesn't know anything about it. He said that's boring when he grabs on to something like that and doesn't let it go.
The caller said he's been listening to the show since the NBC days and they're all shutting the show off lately. He said they should go back and do something fun like they did in the old days. The guy said he had to shut the show off when he heard Howard talking about the poison gas. Jon said not every segment is going to be great for everyone. The caller said that they should have intelligent discussions. He said he wants to be entertained and he's not laughing. Gary said he's sorry about that but he hopes that they can do something funnier tomorrow. Gary said they have some good stuff coming up like the Staff Impression contest and the Worst Penis Injury contest. Gary said he's just trying to mix it up.
Gary said the guy got out what he had to say about the show and he didn't have to call him names while he did it. He said that's the way callers can get through to them and not get hung up on. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a problem with them using ''Hey now'' on the Wrap Up Show. He said that they should be saying ''Hello, hello'' instead. The caller said that Howard has taken over the whole ''Hey now'' thing and it's not their trademark. Gary said he thinks that ''Hey now'' is part of the Stern Show at this point so he has no problem with people saying it. Jon said he doesn't say it. He said he agrees with the caller because it's not his thing. Gary said they're all in the same club and that's why they use that term.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Jim Breuer. He said Jim is always good on the show. Gary took some flack over the microphone not being adjusted correctly. Gary said he's put the headphones on many times and today Howard had a problem with it. He said he might have to reevaluate the way he puts them on now.
Jon said that no one tells a story like Jim Breuer does. Gary said he eats up those behind the scenes stories. He said he does great impressions while telling the stories. He said he likes hearing what it's really like behind the scenes like Jim was doing today. They talked about how he was afraid to give them ideas back stage at SNL and how it took an intern to get him to do his Pesci impression on the show.
Jon said Howard talked about how he read Jim's book from the middle on and Jim may not have believed it until he told him some stories from the book.
Gary said he sees people fighting to get their ideas on the air but Howard isn't like Lorne Michaels. He said Howard never makes anyone feel like shit but it sounds like they do that up at SNL. Jon said he's learned from Howard that a good idea is a good idea no matter where it comes from.
Jon asked Gary if he thought it was a bad idea for Jim to say he had never watched SNL when he was growing up. Gary said Jim was just being honest and he likes that.
Jon also brought up how Jim invited his nephew into his home and helped straighten him out. Jon said he's not sure if he'd be able to do that and he gives Jim a lot of credit for doing what he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people who complain about them ripping on each other just don't get each other. He also asked if Jim was talking about doing something for Howard if they leave there. Gary said he thinks that Jim was referring to having a show there on their channels. The caller said he thought there was a deal in the works. He said the guy is radio gold and he couldn't stop listening to him today when he was in the car.
The caller said his wife is pregnant with triplets. He asked if he should be scared. Gary said that he should be. Gary told him to hire a nanny or a nurse in the beginning or get their mothers and mother-in-law to help out. The guy said he's not going to be able to sleep for the next 5 years from what he gathers. Gary said that none of the kids have the same sleeping pattern so someone has to tend to them all the time. Gary said that's what he heard about some multiple babies he saw on some TV show. Gary told him that he's going to need help.
The caller said he has a 4 1/2 year old too. Jon told him he's going to have a great time when they're in their teens. The caller said he can't wait. He said it's intimidating to say the least.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was happy to see Howard showing how nice Jim is as a person. The guy said that he is extremely grounded. The guy said that Jim stopped to shake his hand out on the street. Gary said he does seem to be a nice guy. The caller said he saw Gilbert out on the street and just kept going when he tried to say hello. Gary said Jim is a very nice guy. He's starting to think of him as a friend lately.
Jon brought up the story about Joe Pesci scaring the shit out of Jim. Gary said that Gary Garver did an interview with him once and he scared the shit out of him too.
Jon played a clip of Jim Breuer talking about his meeting with Joe Pesci and how scared he got. After that clip Gary said he met Joe Pesci once in the bathroom at a dinner he went to. He said Joe knew who he was and the guy was a crack up in person. Gary said that no one hates Joe Pesci that he knows of. He said he's a guy's guy.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the Adam Carolla thing. He said that Adam came out and said that he's just not a funny guy. Gary said he wonders what his beef is. Gary said he's not sure what that's all about.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Jim could be a cast member on the show. He said he's got the voices and Howard seems to love the guy. Gary said he's a great guest on the show and he'd be a welcome addition to the cast but he doesn't know if Jim wants to tie himself to just one thing. Jim is always touring and stuff so he's not sure if he'd want to do that. Gary said they're not looking for cast members at the moment either.
Gary asked Jon how he thinks it would work. Jon said that having him in every day might be too much. He said he's really not sure how it would go. Gary said that some people fit in faster than others. He said that some guests don't translate to doing the show every day but Jim might have that.
The caller asked if the callers who call up and complain about busting on Scott don't realize that they're doing an entertainment show and they all pile on someone different every day. He wondered if they think that they're really pissed at each other. Gary said he thinks that when they get in front of the microphone they like to bust balls and some of it is real and some of it is just for entertainment.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jim Breuer had asked Howard to write a foreword for his book, would it have been easier for him to write it than it was for Greg Fitzsimmons. Jon said he's not sure Howard knows Jim any better. He said he's not sure about that though. Gary said he thinks Howard did a blurb for Jim's book.
Jon brought up the ''Howard Or...'' game and he lost out to the Mosque at Ground Zero. There were even votes for Howard in the bedbug question and the others too. Jon said he thinks that those people don't know the show and they just hear things about Howard and assume that they're true. Gary said that they're getting the headlines without the whole story. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the death of Greg Giraldo. Howard said he didn't think it was that serious but apparently it was. Howard said Greg was on the show a few times and he did the Gary roast and killed. Howard said the guy is dead just a few days after an overdose. Howard said he left 4 kids and a wife behind. Howard said he had the audio from the Gary roast and he thought he was terrific in that and in the Comedy Central roasts he was on.
Howard said the comedians liked making fun of him because he wasn't that famous. Robin said she heard them calling him Greg ''Heraldo'' on the news this morning. Howard said Bob Levy did that in the Gary roast too. Howard said they say that this was an ''accidental'' overdose. Robin said he talked about having a real problem and how hard it was to stop. Howard said he always said ''yeah right'' to Artie when he'd say he was out of control and he has a hard time believing it when people say they're out of control. He said he read that Greg was partying with people in his hotel room and he was using prescription drugs. Robin said she's not sure why he was on the drugs that he was on. She worked with him on a Comedy Central roast and she didn't see any out of control behavior.
Howard said he'd play some of the Greg Giraldo roast from October 26, 2006. Here's what I wrote that day:
Bob Levy introduced Greg Giraldo next but he got his last name wrong when he pronounced it ''Heraldo'' more than five times. Greg went off on Bob as soon as he got up there. He goofed on his hair and then hit Colin Quinn with some jokes. He got Jackie the Joke Man as well. He hit Lisa Lampanelli and Robin next. Then he got Artie with a couple of lines. Greg moved on to Sal and Richard next and then moved on to Gary. He said that he wouldn't have missed this for the world and the only way Howard would have missed it is if Gary's dead father was there. He then goofed on Gary's looks and asked him how he got to be as successful as he is when his only skills are Mets Trivia and being able to floss with rope. He told Gary he's a great guy and he means it when he says that he has the most fucked up face in all of radio.
After playing the clip Howard said that was a nice way to end that roast. Howard also explained why he wasn't at Gary's father's wake since it was brought up in that clip. Howard said that Beth had broken her foot when they were getting ready to go to the wake. Howard said he had to bring her to the hospital. Howard said people think he lied about that. He said Beth had to be in a cast for 6 weeks and people think he made that all up.
Howard said he thinks that it would have been kind of fun to go to that wake. He said it would have been interesting to see Gary grieving. Howard said it was sad that his father was gone but it would have been nice to see some of their friends. Howard said he likes other people's grief too.
Howard said he called Gary and let him know he was at the hospital. People thought he was lying about it when he told the story on the air. He said he wouldn't put his wife in a cast just so he could skip out on the wake. Gary said he was very supportive of Howard around that time. He didn't think he was skipping out on it on purpose.
Howard said he really hates this whole thing. He said he was just reporting that they had them in the building.
Howard said they have them on every show there if he has them. Howard said CNN had them a few weeks ago. Howard said they have them all over Manhattan.
Robin and Howard talked about that story in the news about the kid who video taped his roommate at Rutgers and got in trouble over that. Howard said the roommate hid a camera in the room and taped it to the internet. He had it on Skype to his friends. Howard said people think it's acceptable behavior to do that. Howard said the kid made out with another guy and he said he was going to jump off the George Washington Bridge and did it. Howard said it's so sad. He said that the roommate was arrested and the girlfriend was too. Howard said all of this homophobia is just so wrong. Howard said the kid was trying to be like that American Pie movie.
Howard played some of the news reports about the bedbugs where they talked about him having them. They were making it sound like they were infested with them there. Howard said it's not him, it was the building that they work in that they were fumigating for. Howard said he's not a pig like this reporter was saying. He said that he gets hit over the head all the time. He said he should fight back about this. Howard said that whole thing was a weird vibe going on.
Howard talked about how great Bill was on Saturday Night Live back when he was on. Howard said he has a million questions for him. Howard said they have the Staff Impression contest coming up too. Howard said it's going to be a jam packed show.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that they fucked him over today. He was supposed to come in but they canceled him. Howard said that Bill Murray is more important so they had to cancel. Ed said he doesn't think he's more important. Ed said he has stuff to promote. Howard said they'll have him in a different time. Howard said he doesn't owe him a plug. Ed said that they fucked him. Howard said this is a radio show that books guests and if they're over booked they can't have him on. Ed kept saying that they fucked him. Howard said he can't do the plug if he keeps threatening him.
Howard said he didn't fuck him. He said this is a radio show and not everyone can get on. He said he doesn't like him threatening him. Howard told Ed to go make his own life. He said he doesn't owe him anything. Ed said that he still fucked him but he has also done good for him.
Howard said that he has people who think that he's fucked him and he didn't do anything to them. Howard said Ed wanted to get in there and he wasn't able to make it happen. Howard said he thinks it would have been fun to have him on but they'll have to re-book him. Howard said it's not a super high priority. Ed said Gary isn't returning his calls. Gary said that Will or Jason will book him. He said he doesn't have to call.
Ed convinced Howard to let him get a plug in. He's going to be doing comedy at Caroline's tonight. Howard said that's why he thought it would be kind of funny to have him on. Gary said that Shuli is doing a show and he's having Ed there. Howard said it's him helping Ed out once again. Howard said that Ed is thanking him by saying that he fucked him. Howard didn't appreciate that.
Howard said they used to have this fat guy on the show, Jackie Vernon, who was really funny and had the same delivery as Ed. He had material though.
Howard said he didn't fuck Ed. He said if he wants him to fuck him then he'll take him off the comedy show. Howard said Ed was coming to New York to do that comedy show. Ed was still saying that Howard fucked him in the ass with this thing today. Ed asked if he's going to come to the show. Howard said he might be around. He said he was going to go to dinner with a friend. Ed said he'd put Howard in the front row. Howard said Ed is going to comp him. Wow.
Howard asked Ed if he has material. Ed said of course he does. He has done some shows with Artie. Ed had some jokes written down. JD came in and said that Ed never did comedy. He would get blasted back stage and then he'd have nothing to say on stage. Ed said JD has no idea what he's talking about. JD said he does too. He said he had nothing to say.
Ed told some of his ''jokes'' and asked why the cards in magazines don't fall out. Howard said he has to rework these jokes. Howard said he's going to go up there and ask that and no one is going to say anything. Ed said that's the joke. Howard said he thought there was a punchline. Ed also asked why spoons are so easy to clean. Howard said he's not sure. He wondered what the joke was. Ed said it's all observational. Ed asked why milk cartons always say ''open other end.'' Howard said he has to have more to the joke. Those aren't jokes.
Howard told Ed to give him his best material. Ed said that a 90 year old walks in to change his car insurance. He's 90 years old so why is he changing his insurance. That's the kind of material he was doing. Ed had a few more lines like that and they just weren't jokes. They were more like questions and statements. Then he had one about Limburger cheese asking how people can smell that and want to eat it. Robin and Howard said that's kind of funny. Then Ed said he's going to fuck with the audience and ask people if they shit their pants today and things like that.
Howard gave Ed a plug for his appearance. Ed is doing that comedy show at Caroline's and also doing the Superfan Roundtable show. Then he's going to be on Miserable Men on Sunday.
Howard let Ed go and said that he should be asking the audience if they eat Limburger cheese. Howard said that's how he could make that joke funny. Howard said maybe those jokes will go over well at the comedy club. You never know.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show has been great the past few weeks. He said he loves that Fred has gotten more involved in the show and they've been bouncing things off of each other. The guy said it's been great. Howard thanked him for that.
The caller said that his mother used to tell him to sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite. Howard said his mom used to say that too. Howard said that he's had people asking him about his comments about the DDT thing and why he's a hypocrite about that. Howard said he was reading an article about DDT and how they still use it in Africa. They use it to get rid of mosquitos and malaria. Howard said the whole bird egg thing is bullshit according to the studies that have been done.
Howard said he was reading an article that Michael Crichton wrote and he's going to put up a link to that. Howard said they say the stuff is safe and they should bring it back. Howard said he's not going to spray it on himself but he wants it back to get rid of these bedbugs. Howard said no one listens to him.
Howard read some quotes from the guy about the merger. He said that these people didn't try to stop an airline merger recently. This is all about lobbyist money. He said that the guy must not get what the whole thing is about.
Howard asked Gary who he's voting for. Before he could answer Howard was goofing on him about voting for Dinkins and claiming that he did that so the black people would be calm. Gary said he never said that and he dared him to find tape of him saying that. Gary said he knows he didn't say it. Howard said he did say it. Maybe it was off the air. Gary said Howard took whatever it was he said and turned it into what Howard says he said.
Gary said he doesn't know who he's voting for. Howard said he has to vote for Linda. Gary said he doesn't know enough at this point. He said he has to look into it more.
Howard said this guy Paladino is a maniac too. He said he read about the meltdown he had when they were asking him about a mistress he might have. Howard did an impression of the guy having his meltdown and he stated screaming that Andrew Cuomo had an affair when he didn't. Howard said the guy should have said that he came clean about what he did and that he has character flaws. He said he could have said it in a calm way and not flipped out like this guy did.
Howard said he knew this guy was whacked out of his skull just by looking at his raccoon eyes. He said that Elvis' mother had those too. Howard said the guy has to get some sleep or something. Howard said Elvis' mother was whacked out of her skull and so is this guy. Howard asked who the hell this guy thinks he is.
Howard said he's voting for Cuomo. It's as easy as that. Howard said when he sees a guy that whacked out he's not going to vote for him. Howard said you can't be running around yelling and cursing when reporters ask you a question. He said it shows that you're out of your mind. Howard said the guy is irrational.
Howard said that he read that some of the web sites are making money off of the auctions. Gary said they do. Howard said that's bullshit. He said they're hocking him for that stuff. Howard said this is the last time he's doing the auction for the tour of the studio. He's not doing Entertainment Tonight. Fuck them. He said he doesn't care about Entertainment Tonight.
Howard said he heard from Ron Zimmerman and he said that he's not getting married and he asked him to tell everyone that the story was not true. He said that Ron is very upset about the story. Howard said he told Ron that he'd take care of the whole thing. Howard said Ron is not marrying Cher.
Howard said he read that NBC is going to try and remake The Munsters. He said that they had this great chemistry on the original and it's just never going to work. He said they think that it's going to be a mix between Modern Family and True Blood. Howard said he can't imagine it will work. He said the show was so perfect with Al Lewis and Fred Gwynn. He said that maybe they're going to try and bring back the Soupy Sales show without Soupy.
Howard said he was thinking about Soupy the other day and how he may not have gotten into the business if he hadn't seen Soupy. Howard said it inspired him. He said he was born to do what Soupy was doing. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Len Berman was there. Len used to be a local sportscaster there in New York City. Len wasn't sure he wanted to sit on anything with the whole bedbug thing going on. Howard told Len that he was safe to be there because they had a new couch.
Howard asked Len what's going on in the news business. Len said that they think that people aren't watching the news anymore. Howard said they had 14 percent of the audience watching them at one point. Len said they can't get the ratings that they used to even if you combine all of the networks. Howard said Len was the guy you had to watch to get the sports reports. Howard said he heard he was getting like a million a year doing that. He asked Len if he thought he was secure with his job. Len said he did until a few years ago. They started cutting back on the people off camera like the cameramen and the editors. Len said that in the good times the people watching the news weren't watching for sports. Len said that he tailored his sportscast to make it interesting to the sports fan but also draw everyone else in.
Howard asked Len about where he lived and if he's still enjoying what he's doing. Len said he's in New York and he's glad that he's not doing the news reports anymore. Len said that he still thinks that there's a place for sportscaster's but they need to have something to say. He said you can't just read the scores and expect people to pay attention. He said you have to have an opinion. Len said they need a comeback before they'll have these sportscaster's.
Len said he's married for 40 years and he worked nights for 35 of those and now he's glad to have a change. Howard said he must have been pretty popular. Len said he still gets people saying they watch him every night. He's not even on TV now.
Howard asked Len why he got into the business. Len said he did it because he liked the work. He said he found it interesting and he didn't care about getting famous. Len said he was a Mickey Mantle fan but he wasn't that big of a sports fan. Howard said he wasn't a big sports fan when he was growing up. He said his father would yell at him when they played ball or went to baseball games. Howard said they played catch one day and he threw the ball to his father and it hit him in the nuts. He said that was the end of it for them playing ball.
Len said he loved Mickey Mantle and wrote to him when he was 9. Mickey wrote back to him and he read that he only answers fan mail from young ladies. He said Mickey wrote back to him and when he finally met him Mickey told him that he wrote like a girl so that's why he wrote back.
Howard asked Len about what his parents wanted him to do. Len said that they wanted him to be an engineer so he went to school for that and lasted about 10 minutes. Then he went to the radio station and gave that a try. Howard said he read that Len loved putting stories together and loved following sports. Then he ended up with one of the most high profile jobs in broadcasting. Len said he was making $50,000 a year and he was happy with that. Howard said now he must be back to that.
Howard asked Len if he panicked when the broadcasting business crashed. Len said he didn't because he has other skills. He said he's written a bunch of books and he wrote this new kid's book called ''The 25 Greatest Baseball Players of All Time.'' He has some stories that aren't in the book so he told Howard some of those. He told one about Babe Ruth going to an event where he told the crowed that if there were any women in the crowd who didn't want to F, should get the hell out of there. Howard said it's amazing how guys like that could get away with anything back then.
Len told another story about Mickey Mantle where he was on the disabled list and he wasn't able to have sex the regular way so he had to get oral. He said he actually wrote about that. Howard asked if that damages his opinion of the guy when he reads something like that. Len said the guy was great to him and he got to know Mickey's wife later on in his life and he knows that people have their flaws. He said he doesn't think that his sons hate their father even though he was an absentee father. He said Mickey actually lost a couple of his kids.
Howard asked Len what keeps his marriage going. Len said it's luck. He said they got married young and they've been together for a very long time. He said that they had very similar interests and they've made it work. He said he doesn't have any master plan or anything.
Len said that when Howard started on NBC his wife would listen. He said that Howard was doing a traffic report with Jessica Brown and Howard said that she was having an affair with Len Berman. His wife heard that and she flipped out. Len said he never met Jessica Brown.
Howard gave Len a plug for his book ''The 25 Greatest Baseball Players of All Time'' and asked him who he left off the list. Len said that he had a bunch of other sports guys on a panel to pick these people. He said that Chris Russo is one of them. He said he'll be on his show later today. Len talked about how they left off Yogi Berra and guys like that. Len said they had a vote for the top 25 and that's what they went with. He said they didn't put Sandy Koufax in there even though he's one of the most well known pitchers out there. Howard said there are a bunch of names on there that you would expect. Then there are guys like Josh Gibson who played in the Negro League. Howard said you don't know how great they would have been if they had played in the other league.
Howard said Len still seems to love this stuff. Len said he does. Len said that Lou Gehrig was the first guy to ever have his number retired. He said that's a little piece of trivia. Len said that Alex Rodriguez is in the book and that's kind of controversial. They mentioned a bunch of names of people who weren't on the list.
Len told Howard that his 9 year old son went into a locker room of a team once and he came out saying that those guys had penises the size of fire hoses.
Howard and Len talked about A-Rod and Cameron Diaz dating and how they're not even admitting to it. Howard said that he's not sure how long that's going to last. Howard wondered if it affects his game when he has all of these chicks around.
Howard gave Len another plug for his book and for his web site ThatsSports.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Mike Schmidt is on his list. Len said he did make the book. Robin sounded upset about that.
Another caller asked Len if Baba Booey's pitch last year was the worst he's ever seen. Len said it wasn't the worst he's seen. He said he's seen people throw it over the back stop. He said that if you combine his form with the pitch then it looks bad.
Len told Howard that when Cy Young started pitching he was throwing from 50 feet. They changed it to 60 feet because he was so good. They also lowered the pitcher's mound for another pitcher because he was so good.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Len can put a cheater in his book with A-Rod in there. Len said that he explained that in his book and he said that his panel figured that he'd still be one of the greatest players of all time if he hadn't cheated. Len said that's his guess anyway.
Howard said that Sue Simmons and Chuck Scarborough are still at NBC and he worked with them. Is he upset about that. Len said he saw Chuck recently. He said that he was a member of the NBC family for a long time and he saw Jay Leno talking about how he was a member of the family. He said that he had time on his contract and NBC bought it out. He's still under contract now. Len said they wrote it all off so he's off the books. He said they're paying him like he's there but they write it off in the books. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Len said he doesn't either.
Howard said they should have just kept him there. Len said they got this financial benefit by writing him off. He said he thinks they did that for the Comcast merger.
Len told Howard that he had an office at NBC but one day he came in and it was gone. He said the handwriting was on the wall that day. Robin said that's like the movie ''Office Space'' where they kept moving the guy around the building.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hasn't watched NBC news since Len left. Len said he doesn't watch it either. Howard said the heart and soul of that news was Len, Sue and Chuck.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that NBC sucks now that Len is gone. He said he wishes he was back on TV. Howard said he wishes that Eric spoke like a man. Len said that they are talking to some people and he may bring back some of his stuff but he's not going to do a nightly newscast anymore. Len said he's done with that. He said he's working out of his house now and he goes on a terrestrial station a couple of days a week. His wife sells real estate so he told people to give them a call if they're looking. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard told Robin he was singing. Robin said he got her attention. She said she's never heard anything like that before. Fred played a couple of edited clips of Robin talking about needing a cock and telling Howard that he could do her now.
Howard said Bill Murray never called in. He said that's too bad because he always wanted to interview him. He said once he starts the Staff Impression Contest he's not going to stop. Howard said they have a schedule there and he's not going to take his call if he calls in late. Howard said Bill shows up to Letterman on time. He's kind of disappointed in that because he really wanted to talk to him.
Howard said that they can do a few things before the Staff Impression Contest. He said he has the Jackie tapes to play and he has to talk about Scott the Engineer and how he won't wear his bowling shirt.
Ralph called in and said that Stamos put the ''hey now'' in Glee. He said he stuck it in there in every take so they can't take it out. Ralph also said that Eric the Midget is really good in tonight's ''Fringe'' episode. He said that even if you hate Eric you'll like the episode. Howard said they found out that his head explodes. Ralph said it's the greatest thing. He said his head just blows up and turns into this big, squishy mess. Howard said he'll have to watch that.
Howard said he never thought Ralph would give Eric a good review. Howard said Eric is probably sitting there with a puffed up chest now. Howard did his impression of Eric and said he's not going to wear that Bee outfit for Beezid because of this.
Eric was on the phone so Howard picked up on him. Eric thanked Ralph for the nice words. Howard asked Eric if he's seen the episode. Eric said he hasn't seen it. Howard asked if he's going to have a party. Eric said he was considering it but he won't. He said he'll be alone watching it. Robin said he should watch it on a web cast. Eric said it doesn't work because the show airs in different time zones. Howard said he should bring a young lady over to try and seduce her. Eric said he's not feeling so great after getting a flu shot.
Howard and Eric talked about the flu shot and how that can make people sick. Eric said they recommend that he get the shot every year. He said that he has issues. Howard said the flu could probably kill Eric. Howard said he can't wait to see his head blow up tonight. He said it sounds very cool.
Howard asked Eric if he got any memorabilia from the show. Eric said he didn't take anything. He said he got a season 1 DVD but that was about it. Howard said he should have taken part of his blown up head. Eric didn't even get the outfit he wore.
Ralph called in again and said that he didn't say Eric could act, he just said it was a good role for him and it was a good appearance. He said he won't be getting an Emmy for this. Howard said Ralph is taking back his compliment. Ralph said he was good in the part but he never said he can act. Howard said he thought he was giving him props for his acting. Ralph said he didn't think he was that great. Howard said Eric should have some of his head so he told the producers to send him something.
Ralph asked Eric what he did to prepare for the role. Eric said all he did was not shave. He grew a beard so he'd look more homeless-like. Ralph was giggling as Eric told that story. Howard asked how long he grew it out. Eric said it was for like a week.
Howard said he should have not showered too. Eric said he didn't want to do that. He did clean up other than the shaving. Ralph said that in the behind the scenes video of Eric's day of work they showed the crew picking up the bench he was sitting on and just moved it. He said Eric was sitting there like a watermelon. Ralph said he loves Eric. He said he is his biggest fan.
Ralph was saying ''Bye for now'' but Howard said that Eric doesn't say that anymore. Ralph liked that Eric was upset that they killed him off in the show because they can't bring him back. He said that he could be brought back because they have an alternate universe. He said they could bring him back and blow his head up in the alternate universe. Ralph said that in the alternate universe he could come back shaved.
Howard said that Howard TV isn't giving him enough of a budget. He would do an ''I Dream of Jeannie'' remake where Eric plays Jeannie. Howard said he could be gay for Eric but Eric would have no interest in him. He said he's put him in a Jeannie outfit with the balloon pants and the curly shoes. Howard asked Eric if he'd be interested. Eric said ''I don't know about that...'' Howard said he could talk about this all day but he has to get to the Staff Impression Contest.
Howard and Ralph goofed on Eric doing their ''Ack, Ack'' thing. Fred played some edited audio clips of Eric before they let him go.
Howard said he had to take a break before getting to the Staff Impression contest. He said that America is going to be voting for the winner of that. He said only about 7 people will be able to vote anyway.
Bobo called in and said that he wanted to give his thumbs up to Rachel Butera. Howard said they haven't heard anyone yet. Bobo said that's what he's saying, he's waiting to hear it. He asked to be kept on but Howard said he has to vote like everyone else. Howard said America is going to vote privately like American Idol. Howard said Bobo is not a judge. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was excited about this Staff Impression Contest. He said he had to play a clip before they got to that though. He said Sal found this clip of a woman getting a tattoo and she's screaming the whole time. Sal said it was on Break.com. Howard played the clip and the woman was screaming in pain as she was getting this tattoo. She told the guy to wait and stop. Howard said it's not that bad. Robin said she went to get her tattoo and she saw a master and slave ahead of her. She said that the slave was crying and screaming like that and the master was telling the slave to shut up.
Howard said the woman should have gotten up and left. He played more of her screaming. The tattoo was on her back. The artist told her she can't be moving like that and she can't be grabbing his leg. She told him not to get persnippity with her. The guy told her that she can't be jumping around like that if she wants the tattoo done correctly. Howard said he would have thrown her right out of there.
Howard said it was time for the Staff Impression Contest. He said that they auditioned people and have 5 finalists there. Howard said it looks like they have a police line up in there. The guys were all doing their impressions when they spoke to Howard. This is who they had in there:
Howard said Rachel has been a fan for about 16 years. Rachel said she reads audio books for a living and has done some low budget cartoons and stuff. She does a Tracey Millman impression too so Howard had her do some of that. Rachel did the impression and Howard played along like it was really Tracey. Gary came in and played along with it too.
Howard and Robin spoke to Rachel about the voice work she's done and she has done some phone sex stuff. She said that was just part time. She was doing it out of her apartmet. She said that her roommate was cool with it. Rachel said that the guys would want her to do some really weird stuff. She ended up doing her sexy voice for Howard and had some phone sex with him.
Jason T. and Chad were doing their impressions too. Then Anniel got in and did his Gary the Retard impression and said hi to Fred and Robin. Then Kevin did his Mark the Bagger impression. Howard said they're all so talented. He said that he could do a whole show with them.
Howard asked Rachel if she does impressions of other famous people. She said she's been doing that since she was a kid. She does other impressions like Liza Minelli. She did some of Liza but Howard told her to stick to the Howard Stern impressions. She also does Joan Rivers. Howard said she's really talented. Robin said she should be doing The Simpson's. Rachel said she'd rather do Family Guy.
Howard asked Robin how they should do this. Robin said they should do one at a time. Howard spoke to Rachel as Underdog again and had a whole conversation with her. Rachel had a lot of material and she had a lot of Underdog lines that have been heard on the show over the years. She was prepared for this contest.
Howard said Rachel was fantastic. He moved on to Chad Diller next. Chad does a John the Stutterer impression. Chad told Howard he had a bunch of impressions and he didn't even know he could do John the stutter. He does George Takei too. He did some of that for Howard but Howard told him to stick to the John the Stutterer. Chad owns a sign business and that led to Howard talking to him about street signs and how they're taking them all down to replace them with non-capitalized signs. He said they think that's going to cut back on accidents because they're easier to read. Howard spent a minute talking to him about the sign business and then had him do more of his John the Stutterer impression. Chad's impression was really close to the real John. He also sounded like he came prepared for the contest because he had a lot of John's common lines down. He would go off on Ralph just like the real John. He also went off on Rush Limbaugh.
Howard said it was a lot of fun to watch these guys doing their impressions. Chad said he hopes Underdog dies from feline leukemia from her cat scratches. Rachel went at him as Underdog. They were acting out their characters and improvising a scene that was very funny.
Howard introduced Kevin Ottinger who does Mark the Bagger. Howard said he looked nervous. Kevin said he's been listening to the show for only 5 years. He lives out in Oklahoma. Kevin said he made his voice high one day and that was it for his impression. He drives a truck 70 hours a week in the oil fields. Howard said he must sleep well at night. Kevin said he does. Howard asked what he does driving. He said he hauls salt water from the wells. Howard said he didn't even know there was work doing that. He said they take the salt water from the well and pump it back into the ground. Howard said being a bagger would be easier.
Howard asked Kevin if this was his first attempt at doing the impression. Kevin said he did it for his answering machine. Howard spoke to Kevin as Mark the Bagger and he did a bit with his phone taking a call from his mom. He used some of Mark's well known lines from the show.
Howard moved on to Anniel Hernandez who does the Gary the Retard impression. He asked him how he came up with the impression. Anniel said he just started doing it one day and didn't even know he could do it. He did some of that for Howard and then did some of his High Pitch Eric impression. Howard had him doing that for a few seconds before moving on to his Gary the Retard. Howard spoke to him as Gary for a minute. Anniel's impression was very good. He sounded a lot like him. He also had a lot of Gary's well known lines down. He and Rachel got into an argument and improvised a quick scene together. Chad got in on that too. They had some fun with their impressions for a few seconds. Howard had the Flu (Richard) come in to say hi to Gary. Anniel did his ''Shoo shoo, retarded flu'' impression. They played with that for a minute. Then Chad and Rachel did their impressions. Rachel played her part just about perfectly.
Howard moved on to Jason who does a Big Foot impression. Jason said he's been listening to the show for about 18 years. He said he likes to do this in his spare time. Jason does some environmental work and manufactures DDT. Howard said he has to talk to him then. Howard said he heard that Jason does a Mariann from Brooklyn impression. Jason did some of that for him. Howard asked if High Pitch Eric was with him too. Jason does that impression and then he did a Gary Dell'Abate impression too. Howard talked to him as Gary for a few seconds. Howard said his real triumph is his Big Foot impression. Jason went into that and did an amazing impression of Big Foot. Howard had a conversation with Big Foot for a short time. He joked that he had sex with Underdog out in the green room. Underdog said that she would never do such a thing. Big Foot said he had cum all over his hand if he wanted to see it. Then John the Stutterer said he had bedbugs crawling all over his dirty asshole.
Howard said that Big Foot has been suing the state of Vermont. Big Foot said that's why he has a lawyer. Howard asked Gary the Retard what he thought about all of this. He was getting everyone involved in the conversation. Chad's impression of John the Stutterer was so close it sounded like John was in the room.
Howard asked everyone questions and had them all doing their impressions. Jason's Big Foot was pretty remarkable too. Then Howard had Rachel do her Little Lupe impression. Rachel and Jason reenacted the edited phone call that the guys had put together. They had a lot of the lines down and it almost sounded like they were playing the tape.
Howard said all five of them are fantastic. He said that this was very exciting. He said he has to go around and ask the judges what they think. Howard said he's glad he's not judging on American Idol. He said all five of them are great but only one person can win.
Ralph called in and talked about how awful John's attitude is. That got Chad yelling at him as John the Stutterer. It sounded like a real fight between Ralph and John. Ralph said that all of these guys are fantastic. He said that his favorites are Underdog, John and Gary the Retard. Chad and Rachel went at it again and Ralph said he thinks that John the stutterer may be a winner.
Yucko the Clown called in and said he had to talk to John the Stutterer. The two of them got into it like the real John the Stutterer would. Chad had that character down so good it sounded like the real thing. Yucko said his vote goes to that guy.
Gary came in and said that all of them are phenomenal but when he closes his eyes he tries to tell the difference. He said that it's a tie between John the Stutterer and Big Foot. He said he hears the real people when he closes his eyes. Gary said their impressions are very good and those are his favorites. He wasn't able to pick just one. He said the Gary the Retard and Underdog were very good too. Gary said he'd probably go with Chad if he had to pick just one.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said everyone was really great. She said that they worked hard on their impressions. She said that Chad got into costume so she had to give him extra points for that. Robin said she has to nit pick now. She said that she thinks Rachel totally captures Suzanne Muldowney. She said that it's like she's channelling her. Howard said that Gary the Retard is great too though. Robin said the great thing is that his impression is perfect and the real Gary doesn't provide them with that much material. Robin said Big Foot was great too but it wasn't as good as Rachel to her.
Howard went to Fred next. Fred said he agrees that everyone has done a phenomenal job. He said there should be a 3 way tie for first. He said that John the Stutterer is rushed a little. Big Foot didn't have a lot of material. He said that Rachel pulled the focus right to her and she had the essence of the character.
Howard asked Ronnie the Limo Drover what he thinks. Ronnie said it's really hard because they're so great. He said he would go with John the Stutterer.
Benjy said he thought he was going to vote for Rachel before the contest. He said she's the best theatrically but Chad as John the Stutterer is who he'd have to go with.
Howard said it was a toss up between 4 people, possibly 5, but he'd have to go with John the Stutterer. He said that everyone was great though. Rachel stayed in character and said she should have expected as much from a deviant such as Howard.
Howard said he's going to open up the phone lines and let the audience vote. Howard asked each of them to talk to the audience and tell them why they should get votes. Then he had to go to commercial break so they could take the votes.
Howard came back and said that this was a big day and they had 5 contestants in there. He said he was Ryan Seastern and they were going to tally the votes and figure out who won. Howard said they'd be giving the winner a $5,000 check. Howard said hello to each of the contestants again. They were all in character.
Robin said she's glad they didn't have to pick. Howard said they had Steve Schwartz from Identity Guard there to issue the check to the winner. They were the sponsors for the contest. Howard gave them some plugs. Howard said that each of the contestants stole their identities from other people so the sponsor fit right in.
Howard said America has voted. He had some American Idol music playing behind him as he was talking to the contestants. He was keeping them waiting. Howard asked Rachel who she thought was going to win. Underdog said that it wasn't going to be her because she's not associated with the show. Howard said that America is voting so it's not clear who is going to win.
Howard said all 5 of the contestants were great and he'd like to do one hour shows with each one of them. Howard said they didn't even get stools to sit on during this contest. He said that's the way they treat people there.
Howard said he was going to eliminate the first person. The first person not winning is Kevin who did Mark the Bagger. Howard said that he did not win. Kevin said it was nice being there. Howard said he might have good news for him later to he should hang in there.
Howard said that the next person eliminated and going home is... He didn't give it out right away. Howard said Robin is going to be surprised. Howard said maybe America didn't get it right. Robin said she thinks it will be Anniel as Gary the Retard. Howard said that person is... and he kept them in suspense for a few more minutes... Jason as Big Foot. Big Foot said he wasn't going anywhere and he was going to stay there until he gets his money. He complained about coming all the way down there for this. Howard told Jason he did a good job and to hang around for a while for the good news he has later.
Howard spoke to Chad and Anniel for a minute. He had them do their impressions for a minute. Rachel said she was getting sweaty in her feet. Howard said they do have to eliminate another contestant. Howard said that Robin thought that Rachel would win. Howard said Fred thought Chad would win. Chad did his impression some more but Fred said he actually picked Underdog.
Howard said the next person being eliminated is... He kept them in suspense for a couple of minutes once again... Howard then asked Robin who she thinks should be in the final 2. Robin said it should be Chad and Rachel. Howard said the person going home next is Gary the Retard, Anniel Hernandez. Howard said that Chad and Rachel are the final 2.
Howard asked Rachel and Chad how they were doing. Rachel said she was fine but it was hot in there. Howard said it came down to Underdog and John the Stutterer. Fred said his vote still goes to Rachel. Robin said it's going to be close but she thinks Rachel will pull ahead by a nose. Benjy said he thinks Chad will win because he had the voice to fight in that contest. Howard said he's never going to Benjy again. Howard asked Rachel if she's going to wet herself. She said that she thinks Chad is amazing with his impression and he's going to pull it out. Howard asked Chad who he thinks is going to win. Chad said he hopes it's him but Rachel is great.
Howard said that America has voted and if he says that again Rachel is going to wet herself. He said that it's between Rachel and Chad and the person who has won got more than 50 percent over the second place person. Howard said it was a landslide. He said it was very clear when America voted. Howard said the person going home and not winning $5,000 is... more suspense... Chad. Rachel won. She sounded shocked. Rachel said this is insane. Howard said that 59.8 percent of the votes were for Rachel. Rachel said that she's got hundreds of people who have Facebook friended her. She said that Mariann from Brooklyn called her. She said the power of the show is amazing.
Howard had Steve Schwartz from Identity Guard come in with the check. Howard spent a minute talking to him about their company and what they do. Howard had Steve make his presentation to Rachel. Steve said all five of them were great. Howard asked Rachel what she's going to do with the money. She said she's going to give $500 of it to Suzanne Muldowney. Howard said that's very nice of her to do that.
Howard said he had a word from Steven Singer who said that all of them were so fantastic that they're going to give each of them $500 and a certificate to Steven Singer Jewelers. Everyone was a winner. Howard said he was going to let Steven on the air but he didn't see him on the phone.
Howard thanked Steve Schwartz a plug for Identity Guard and asked how they came up with that idea. He didn't answer that but Steve said that American Idol made a big mistake by not hiring Howard.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who congratulated all of them. A couple of the guys did their impressions of Jeff. Then someone called in as High Pitch Eric saying that John the Stutterer should have won.
Howard thanked everyone for coming in. Jason got a plug for his Facebook page. He said you can find him under Jason Impressions. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he just bought a David Bowie coffee table book. He doesn't keep them on a coffee table though. He keeps them around to look at them once in a while. Howard said they don't have enough coffee tables for the books. Howard said they make some good looking books these days. Howard said he's old school and likes to look at actual books and not stuff on a Kindle or something.
Howard asked where Mike Walker was. He got him on the ISDN line. Mike asked why he doesn't have a coffee table book. Howard said he would like to do something like that but he doesn't have the time. He said he has been approached about doing one. Some day he'll do it.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
The caller asked Robin if she's ever been in so much love that she still thinks about the guy now. Robin said no. The caller said that was shocking.
Howard asked Robin if she was upset that he got married again and she didn't get to be with him. Robin said no to that too.
Howard asked Steve what he had going on today. Steve said they have a story about Jackie the Joke Man's special on Tuesday and how he'd like to return to the show if they would have him back. Howard said Jackie has said that many times. They've heard that already. Robin asked how many times he's going to say that. Howard did his Jackie impression for a few seconds. He said he wanted to play clips from his show but they ran out of time. He said that will have to wait until they come back.
Steve said they also have a story about Scott the Engineer's bowling and they have received charts of the oil patters that the PBA has. Howard said he heard that Scott is refusing to wear the bowling shirt that Howard TV had made for him. He said it says ''Scott Salem. God's Gift To Bowling'' and he complained about how scratchy that is and he just doesn't want to wear it.
Steve said that Greg Fitzsimmons has been taking a verbal bashing from Sal Governale. Steve said he's not sure why Sal is so mad at Greg but they may have some history. Steve said that Greg wouldn't answer if he considers Sal a comedian. Steve said it's also the anniversary of Howard being fired from WNBC 25 years ago today. Howard said his wedding anniversary is coming up soon too.
Steve got in a plug for Eric the Midget's appearance on Fringe tonight. He also mentioned that Natalie Maines and Jeff Probst will be hosting a Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show next week. Gary said they have Ryan Phillippe on that show too.
Howard said he was all skeeved out by his sandwich because he found plastic in it. He said he might just eat it. Howard said a little plastic shouldn't turn him off to the sandwich. He said that's pretty gross. He said he has to change his lunch because he eats the same thing every day. He said he's too lazy to look at the menu to get something else. He said he should find something else to try. Howard said he can't imagine being a Vegan like Robin is. Howard said he read that some women who are vegan's won't blow a guy if they eat meat because they don't want to eat meat. Gary said it's about swallowing. Howard said he was trying not to be too graphic.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down what they were going to be covering today. That led to them talking about how Bill Murray kind of fucked them over today. Howard said the guy could have just said no to them instead of making them think he was going to call in.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they're going to have Rachel from the staff impression contest on. Ass Napkin Ed will be on too. He said they'll talk about that stuff and about Jackie wanting to come back to the show. Superfan Roundtable is on at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he can't resign. Howard said he thought he said he can't re-sign. Jeff said he has to stay because he loves the show. Howard said he's glad he clarified because he almost went in and resigned. Jeff asked him to please play one verse of a song but Howard had no idea what he was talking about. It turns out it was a Merle Haggard song ''What Am I Gonna Do For The Rest Of My Life.'' Fred tried to find the song but he wasn't able to find it. Howard said he had to give up. Jeff wanted him to keep looking and play it later.
Robin finally got to her news and started off with Greg Giraldo's death. Robin said there's some interesting stuff about Greg. She said that today he's the number one topic on Twitter. Robin said he's finally getting the attention he deserved. Robin said he died after an accidental overdose. Robin said he was supposed to talk at some event for recovering addicts over the weekend. Robin said that there was apparently a fall off the wagon. Howard said some people thought he should have been more responsible since he had 4 kids and a wife. Howard said the guy was struggling with his demons and that's the way he looked at it. Robin said that some people say it's a disease so if you look at it like that then they can't help it. Howard said he's not sure if it's genetic. It might be learned but still, the guy had problems. Howard said the guy was funny as hell when he was in there too. Robin said he was a sweet person too. Robin said there's a tribute planned for him this weekend. He was going to be appearing at Governor's Comedy club this weekend. They'll have a service there and they'll be playing his DVDs there. Howard said it's very sad that he's gone. He said he was a great talent and a super nice guy.
Robin was going through the comedian friends they've lost on the show. They went back to Sam Kinison and talked about that. Fred said that happened in 1992. Howard tried to do the math to figure out how many years it was. He came up with 28 years. Robin told him that was wrong. Howard said it was actually 18 years. Howard said that guy used to come over and have dinner at their house. Howard said it's crazy that he's gone that long.
Robin said that Tony Curtis died too. She said he was 85. Howard said that guy gave more hope to the Jews. He went to Hollywood and got accepted by everyone there. Howard said he was born Bernie Schwartz. Howard said the guy got all of the hot chicks too. Robin read some details about his death and his family. They talked about how Jamie Lee Curtis was his daughter. Robin said they say he still did a movie here or there but he was also a painter.
Howard said Fred found that song that Jeff wanted them to play. He played some of the song and said it was kind of sweet that he dedicated that song to him.
Robin read that Tom Arnold is back in rehab. Howard sounded shocked. Howard said he was telling some people at the Kimmel party that they needed help. Howard said that's crazy. Robin read the details about that story. He had been sober for 20 years. He ended up getting addicted to prescription pills.
Howard said he had Bill Murray on the phone. It turned out to be Sour Shoes doing an impression of Murray. He broke into song but Howard said he's usually much funnier when he calls in.
Robin read about how Nintendo's new 3DS game system is coming out. Robin said that it's going to cost almost $300 US dollars. Howard wondered if people feel bad when they play online games and lose. Scott DePace said that you do. Scott said that you want to punch the kids through the TV when they kill you and start making fun of you. Robin said that the 3DS could be released next year for about $250-300. She said it plays 3D games and can play movies and it can take pictures in 3D.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy's Gary the Retard impression was so good they should check his IQ. The caller did his Jackie impression as Howard was talking about how fun it was to watch the guys doing their impressions. He said that the guy who did Big Foot became Big Foot. Howard asked when that will be on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein said it'll be on tomorrow night after midnight.
Robin had some news about American Idol and the new judges they're going to have this season. Howard wondered why people know what Jennifer Lopez is getting paid but not what Steven Tyler is getting paid. Robin said that it's surprising that she's taking the job so that's why people are scrutinizing it so much. Howard said he's shocked that Tyler is taking the job. He can't understand it. He said it's wild. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he's going to watch to see how it goes. He said he can see the show tanking really quickly if they're not good judges.
Robin read some news about Blender magazine's top 10 worst songs of all time. She had a list that she went through and audio clips of some of the songs. Howard went through those and agreed with a lot of their picks. The number one worst song according to Blender was ''We Built This City'' by Jefferson Starship. Howard said that's not the worst song. He said he didn't like that song but it wasn't the worst. Howard played some of the song and said that reminds him of his days at WNBC. He was talking about how Pig Virus would give him a hard time about the way he said WNBC and introduced songs the wrong way.
Robin read a story about Carl Paladino getting into a shouting match with some reporters. Robin said she had some tape of that to play. Howard said he wanted to play that earlier in the show. Robin said he seemed to be threatening the reporter in this clip. Howard said he did threaten him. Howard said the guy is nuts. Howard played the audio clip that they were talking about. Paladino said he was going to take the reporter out. The reporter asked how he was going to do that. Paladino told him to watch.
Robin read a story about how California Republican Meg Whitman may have had an undocumented housekeeper for 9 years. Howard said that's not right. Robin had some details about that and played some audio of Whitman talking about the claims.
Robin had a story about a 17 year old girl who shot a 448 pound bear with a bow and arrow while out hunting with her dad. Robin said that the girl also caught a 20 pound salmon in Lake Michigan. Robin had some audio of that girl talking about her kill.
Robin read some news about the Rutgers student who took his own life after his sexual encounter was streamed live on the internet. Robin read that he jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death. Robin said his family confirmed the death and said he was a distinguished musician. Robin had some audio of some students commenting on the story.
Howard read some email feedback about Jim Breuer's appearance. He said he got a bunch of emails about it and they were all positive. Howard said a lot of people liked the new Eric the Midget names that they came up with yesterday. Howard said they had an email from someone asking what song they played before the news block yesterday. That was Neil Young's ''After the Gold Rush.''
Robin read that Detroit's population is rising for the first time in many years. Robin said that the white population is up by 13 percent over 2008. Howard said maybe they have a revitalization going on there.
Robin read a story about how only 1 percent of characters on TV are depicted as disabled. Eric the Midget is in that 1 percent since he's on Fringe tonight.
Robin read a story about how scientists found a planet that may be earth-like. Robin said it's orbiting a red dwarf star about 120 trillion miles away. Robin said it's not too hot or too cold for water. Robin said they think it's on the cold side and slightly larger than Earth. The planet's year is only 37 days long.
Robin said that Phil Collins was asked if he would be a judge on American Idol when he was on Joy Behar's show. Phil said he'd draw the line there. He doesn't think it's a civilized way of doing things. He also revealed that he was an extra in the Beatles movie ''A Hard Day's Night.'' Howard said he actually knew that.
Robin said that Jimmy Johnson was voted off of Survivor last night. Robin said that he was voted out but he didn't want to go. Robin had some audio of Jimmy talking about how he wanted to keep playing but he knew that he could get voted off at any time.
Robin read about a new movie called ''Stone'' and had some audio clips of Robert De Niro talking about working on it. Howard said he's a lousy interview but a great actor.
Robin said that Tony Danza is coming back to be a teacher on a new reality show. Howard said he heard a clip and Tony was crying in it. He said that has to be some kind of shtick. Robin had some audio of Tony talking about the show and how he's going to write a book about his experience. Howard also had the clip of Tony crying on the reality show. They ended the show after that, right around 11:15am.
Jon said they had to start off talking about the big contest today. He asked Gary if he thinks that America got the vote right. Gary said yes. He said that there were 3 that were so close for him. He said it was Rachel, John the Stutterer and the Big Foot guy. He said that Gary the Retard was right there though. He said he wouldn't have been surprised if any of them had won. Jon said that the guy who did Mark the Bagger didn't do it as good in person but he may have been nervous.
Gary said that the Big Foot guy was great. He said if he had won it would have been great too. Jon said the guy who did Gary the Retard was great too. He did some of his typical lines but he was spot on with the impression.
Jon asked if Rachel had an advantage going into it. Gary said they knew she had talent and that's the one advantage she may have had. Gary said that the guy who did John had the wig on and he had his arm movements and all of that too.
Gary said they had a lot going on today and the show wasn't running the way he wanted it to. He said the audience never knows when it doesn't run the way he expects though. He said the show turned out to be amazing and the contest turned out to be a great one. He said there was no clear cut winner until they read the votes. Rachel got 59 percent of the votes. Gary said that it may do the most for her too because she'd doing voice overs. He said this might be a big boost for her.
Gary said Robin had a great line when she said they have to start nit picking. He said he thought the guy who did John the Stutterer was spot on. He said they're going to do a game where they play clips of the real guy and the fake guy. He said it might be hard to tell the difference.
Jon played some of John the Stutterer (Chad) and Underdog (Rachel) going at each other early on in the contest segment.
After playing that Gary said that Chad picked up on the ''yeah, yeah'' and the way he yells off the microphone the same way the real guy does. Will Murray said he was surprised at how talented these people were. He said everyone was so good. He said that Rachel was the most overall talented and that might be why she won. Will said that they were all great and the Big Foot guy had the facial stuff going on too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the segment was priceless and the impressions were great. He said the John the Stutterer guy had that impression down perfect. He loved when Ralph called in and went at it with the fake John the Stutterer.
Jon said he thought the John the Stutterer guy was going to have an advantage because he was sable to argue with everyone. He said he really started to shine when he would argue. Gary said he had that Philly accent down and he had all of his little nuances in there too.
Gary said his favorite part was when Howard would hold off on saying anything and let that American Idol music play over and over. The loop of the music has a big hole in it but Howard just let it play over and over.
Jon played a clip of Howard announcing the big winner. After playing that Gary said he thinks Rachel really didn't think she was going to win. Gary said he thought it was very sweet of her to donate $500 of her winnings to Underdog. Jon said that he thought that Rachel doing Underdog was better than doing Little Lupe.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved Rachel and they need her on the show instead of Benjy. Gary said he's not sure she can write but if she does, then she might be a threat. The caller said he thought she said she did write. Will said she wrote for a porn magazine so it's not clear if she can write comedy. The caller said he thinks America got it right picking her as the winner.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Rachel won because it was such a unique impression. He said that the John the Stutterer impression was spot on but he wouldn't stutter enough. Jon said someone else made that comment too. He would do the voice and not stutter so much. The arguing was very spot on though. Will said he cold have used a little more stutter in there. The caller said he was leaning toward Rachel too. He said the Mark the Bagger guy kind of fell short. Gary said he thinks that he may not have had enough material. He was also shy and the real Mark the Bagger isn't shy.
Jon said he didn't want to knock any of the past contests but Will said this was a great one. Jon said they were all fantastic. He asked if he thought that it would be more of Gary instead of characters from the show. Will said he went through it with Jason and the tapes and it seemed to be the same people that kept getting hit. They had a lot of George Takei's in there. They also had a lot of Richard's dad in there. Gary asked if the guy doing the impression of him sounded like him. Gary didn't think he did. Jon said he didn't sound like him but he had a lot of his phrases. Will said that Craig Gass' impression of Gary's laugh is really good. He said he doesn't like his voice of Gary but the laugh is good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that John the Stutterer annoys the hell out of him and he thinks that people were annoyed by the impression of John so they voted for Rachel. Jon said he gets that. The guy said Rachel was really good though so they all did a good job.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Rachel did the phone sex thing to get votes. Gary said he doesn't think so but maybe the listeners are that horny. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked if Len was glad to meet his idol Mickey Mantle. Gary said that he has heard all of the stories about Mickey and he was a moody guy.
The guys also talked about the book Len put out. Gary said there are a lot of holes in the list. He said he had a guy from the Negro Leagues and that just doesn't work. Jon said that Len also said he had a panel of guys who picked the 25. Will said that Len had to get the guys to narrow it down for him and even Len knows that guys like Sandy Koufax should have been on the list. It was Len's book so you'd think he'd just put him on the list.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Len about the list and how A-Rod is on it. After that clip the guys talked about how upset Robin was getting about that list. They spent a little while on that before Jon had to move on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what kind of snafus they had on the show today. Gary said it was just technical issues he had. He said it was a bumpy road today. He said it wasn't all the way he expected it to be when they got there. Gary said that everyone did their jobs... for the most part. He wasn't naming names.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the guy who did John the Stutterer. He said he should have won. Gary said that they were all so good so it wasn't so clear cut. The caller said maybe Howard making a big deal out of her earlier helped her out. Gary said if she hadn't done a good job and held up then she wouldn't have won. They were all very good and if she had fallen short then she could have lost.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Greg Giraldo and said he's an alcoholic and he knows that it can take you out eventually. He said that the 12 step programs can work. He said you look at someone like that guy or Artie or him, it's the first drink that can take you down. The guy said they found that this is an allergy and once you consume it it's something you can't stop. Gary said he gets that. He said it is sad too.
Gary said he sent Howard a note last night and he was the one who picked Greg to be there. Gary said the guy was such a good guy and he didn't seem like a drug addict. He said he seemed to have his shit together. Gary said the guy went to Harvard and he seemed really intelligent. Will said that when you're on the road all the time you must get sucked into it. He said if you want to stay away from it you have to do something else other than being a comedian.
Gary said that he was out with Artie once and he had 6 shots of Jack in his hand before they had walked 10 feet. Everyone wanted to get drunk with him and they'd get pissed if he didn't drink with them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the caller had just compared alcoholism to an allergy. They said he had. The caller seemed surprised by that. The caller said it would have been interesting to have the real wack packers call into the show to interact with the contestants. Gary said they could have done that but sometimes it doesn't work in a live environment. He said he thinks they did it well today.
Jon asked if Ass Napkin Ed should be upset about being bumped. Gary said he got bumped for Bill Murray so he has no reason to be upset. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.