|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how he had forgotten how to use the equipment this morning. He said he was forgetting it all.
Howard said he got some reports on Robin over the vacation. He got a note from Bob Iger from Disney saying that he saw Robin out with cameras following her around doing some kind of shoot. Robin said there were two cameras following her and she was just shooting some video for an idea she has. She's doing some cooking segments since she's a vegan now and she's got different ways of making meals out of vegetables. Robin said she's going out shopping and she has a chef going with her. She may put this stuff up on YouTube or maybe even on Howard TV. Howard said they might pull out all the stops to get that up there. Robin isn't so sure since they weren't able to make the Bachelorette show happen.
Howard said everyone has a show now. He said someone else was running around with a camera. He said he was out somewhere and saw this person running around. Robin said that Bob Iger asked to say hello to her but only if she turned the cameras off. Howard said he just wants to have a regular evening without the cameras on around him.
Robin said she was only out in L.A. for a couple of days. She was working during their vacation. Howard said he didn't do any work. He said he just relaxed. Robin said he doesn't even answer messages when he's off. Howard said he did answer her messages but not that particular one she sent about Bob Iger.
Howard said Gary says he understands where he stands on this but he got an email from him asking to write a ''blurb'' for his book. Howard said that sounds like less work but he should understand that he can't be doing this kind of thing.
Howard said he has a funny idea to do a fill in the blank kind of thing but even that's not funny after a little bit. He said it's work and he doesn't want to do more work. Howard said he went back and read the one he wrote for Ratso to inspire him but it didn't work. He said he likes Greg a lot but he doesn't want to be writing this stuff.
Howard said Benjy wrote him some blurbs for Gary's book. He said he'll let Gary have those if he wants them but he's not going to write anything. Howard said he was on vacation trying to relax and he was staring at his laptop trying to write this stuff. It just wasn't working for him.
Howard read the blurb Benjy came up with for Gary. Howard told Gary to use it but then credit Benjy. He said he can say it's approved by Howard Stern but not written by. Howard had a bunch of lines but picked the one to win.
Robin suggested that Howard have Benjy write the foreword for Greg's book. Howard liked that idea. He told Benjy to write him 10 lines that he can just fill in the blanks on. Gary said he was going to wait another hour before calling Greg. Howard said that's fine. He said he's really angry with Greg for asking him to write that foreword though.
Howard said he saw Jackie doing this and it was a serious Jackie, not the joking Jackie. He said it didn't even make any sense. This was on FOX Business. Robin said that's two things Jackie shouldn't be talking about, FOX and Business.
Howard said he got a clip of Jackie on the Opie and Anthony show. He said that was weird to him. He said they were talking to him about Howard Stern and it annoys him when Jackie talks about him.
Gary told Howard who Jackie was on the panel with on FOX. There were a few radio guys and a wine expert. Howard said he saw Ron Kuby looking like he wanted to pull his hair out. He said they were talking about serious issues in that show.
Howard said Glenn Beck had a big rally down in Washington DC. He said he did it in the same place where Martin Luther King made his big ''I have a dream...'' speech. Howard said they were making a huge deal out of it on all of the news channels. He said they're acting like the guy was never a morning zoo guy. He said Beck is boring doing his show. He said he watches the show but he's kind of bored by him.
Howard said there may have been up to 80,000 people down there at that Glenn Beck thing. He said there were black people who were upset that he was doing his speech there even though it had nothing to do with race. He said they were discussing it like we were close to Armageddon. Robin said that they focus on the most minuscule things. Howard said the crowd looked like they might be irresponsible people.
JD told Howard that a lot of it was about God. He said that was what it was all about. Howard said that's fine. He said everyone was listening to a drunk lecturing them about his 12 step program. He said the guy was basically retreading the whole 12 step thing in that speech. He said he's fine with the message he was giving. It might help keep some people in line. Robin said there may have been some anti-gay speech stuff going on in that rally.
Howard said he's jealous of this guy Glenn Beck. He said he's a success somehow and he's not sure why. Robin said his eyes are bugging out of his head more than ever. Howard said people really seem to like him though. He said that people should start ignoring him though.
Howard and Robin talked about how Sarah Palin was at that rally and how she was talking about one of her kids but not the fact that one of them is going to be on Dancing with Stars.
Howard played more of Jackie talking about the mosque thing and giving his thoughts on their right to build it down there. They cut him off and other people would talk over him. Howard said you really have to hear it in context. He said he finds it hard to accept that Jackie is a pundit.
Howard said Lisa G was paneling too. He said there might be too many panels out there now if they're using Lisa G to do them. He said there are just too many of these panels. He said they're going to start using mental patients next.
Howard said it's funny that people are worked up over Glenn Beck. Robin said they used to have Morton Downey and Wally George out there. She said it used to be like pro wrestling but now it's taken seriously.
Howard said this country is insane. He said he's no alcoholic Zookeeper but he can give his opinion. He said there's an egg recall right now. He said they have no problems like this in England. They inoculate the hens over there so they don't have this salmonella problem. He said they have no problems now. In this country they refuse to do it. Robin said they didn't need inoculations for thousands of years. Howard said we have a problem and there is a way to solve it. He said they could spend the money to solve the problem but they won't do it. Howard said he may hold a rally at the Lincoln Memorial to rally for this inoculation thing.
Robin said she didn't have any problem with the egg thing. She said she doesn't eat meat or eggs. Howard said that's great for her but there are people who do.
Howard said he likes how this Lorne Michaels keeps everyone in suspense about coming back to Saturday Night Live. He said he likes this girl who plays Kathie Lee on SNL. He said he's not sure what her name is. He said that Chris Elliot's daughter is also on the show. He said they're getting too old when another generation grows up that quick.
Gary told Howard to talk about Chris Elliot's daughter. He's a big fan. Her name is Abby Elliot. Howard said she's pretty cute. JD said that he and Steve Brandano have big crushes on her. He said that she's dating Fred Armisen on the show.
Howard asked JD if he's still seeing that stripper. JD said that whole thing is a nightmare when he wants to ask other girls out. He said they always ask him about her if he asks anyone else out. Howard asked what it is about him that she's interested in. He doesn't get it. JD said he'd rather not talk about that.
JD said the stripper got mad at him when he wouldn't go out with her one night. He's very anti-social so he just stays home instead. Howard said JD doesn't get laid a lot and now he has this girl who wants to be with him and he doesn't care. He said he doesn't understand that. Howard said it's an amazing story and he's fascinated by it. JD started to say something but stopped and said he doesn't know. He kept saying ''I dunno...'' to a lot of whatever he was trying to say.
Robin said it sounds like there's a lot of drama in this whole thing. JD said there isn't. Gary asked JD if she said she wanted to be exclusive, would he say yes. JD quickly said no. He has no interest in being exclusive with anyone. He said he'd rather not talk about it. Robin said they were fascinated by JD.
Howard said he heard that one of the interns may have been interested in him. JD said it was one of the interns on the Intern show. He said he really didn't want to talk about it. He asked them to just leave him alone.
Howard asked JD if he talked to the girl about that. JD said he did message her asking if she was serious. JD was having a tough time talking about this and he just kept asking them not to ask about all of this. Howard said it sounds pretty intense. JD said he was more interested in the Fantasy Football Draft that's coming up later this week. Robin said he said that so fast it didn't even sound like Fantasy Football. It sounded like Fancy Football.
Howard played another clip of a guy who Wolfie was talking to and the guy was saying he spent $30 for an autograph. The guy said he wasn't there to get laid when Wolfie asked about that. Wolfie also asked about penis sizes for Freddy and Jason and the guy actually had an answer. Howard said this is what reminded him of JD. JD left when he heard that. He started to walk out but Howard and Robin asked him to come back.
Howard said it shocks him that a guy can be so cavalier about getting laid when he doesn't get laid that much. Howard said that guy was probably a slow adult, maybe, and he was spending 30 bucks on a John Carpenter autograph. He said he doesn't like that they do things like that.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did and the guy sounded kind of like High Pitch Eric. Howard said that they all sound kind of like JD. In that clip the guy was asked to give his loudest, blood curdling scream and it wasn't all that blood curdling. Howard asked JD to do that but he refused. Fred did his JD impression instead.
Howard said he admires JD's ability to not fall in love with this stripper. He said that he's just going to have fun with her for a while. Howard said he likes that. He said he'd get totally caught up in her if he was JD. Howard asked how many boyfriend she has. JD said he doesn't know and he has no desire to discuss it with her. He said she feels the same way. He said she gets jealous if he talks about other girls.
Howard said JD is a ladies man. He said it must be those shorts and the t-shirt he's wearing. He said maybe it's that cute little paunch he has. JD told him to please stop. He said he has gained some weight and he knows he has to do more working out. Howard told him to take a walk.
Robin said they should do a whole thing showing what a ladies man looks like and show JD. JD said no to that. Howard said it would be great if this girl was dating some high profile guys and JD. Howard and Fred had some fun goofing around with that idea.
JD wanted to get out of there so Howard was going to let him go. He was wearing a t-shirt that say ''fuck more'' or something like that on the back. Howard asked why he was wearing something like that. JD had a sweat shirt on over a t-shirt and he didn't want to take it off because he might have pit stains. He did. Howard told him to try Dry Idea because he won't sweat for days. Howard told him to try it out. He said he may never sweat again after using that stuff. Howard said JD is a gold mine. He said the audience loves him.
Howard said he had a great week off and he thought about calling in sick this week. He said he really doesn't want to come to work. He said he can't call in sick like that though. He said he was delirious with the week off. He said he had a million things to do but he was playing chess and watching the championship games on the ICC web site. He said they had games going on live and you can watch. He said he doesn't know that much about it but he likes to watch this Nakamura guy play. He's a 20 year old kid from somewhere around there. He said the guy is good. He said he got sad that no one cares about chess. He said this kid beat this other guy in 17 moves and you never see that in a grand master championship game. Howard said no one gives a shit about it though. He cares. Robin told him to be happy that it exists for him then.
Howard said Beth usually doesn't show any interest in his games. Then she asked about his game over the vacation and he told her about it and she looked like she was going to lose her mind. He said she really doesn't want to know about it.
Howard said Tommy Mottola invited him over to his place. He said Tommy's wife had a birthday so they had a party over there. Howard said he's not sure how old she is since it's impolite to ask. Howard said he was talking to some people but he had no idea who they were. He said he spoke to one young guy who had an attractive wife and he didn't know who he was. It turns out he was a hedge fund guy. Howard said he doesn't even know what that is. He said the guy looks young but he was a doctor and he got out of that to do the hedge fund thing. He said that's a major commitment to bail out on. Howard said Tommy is only friends with people who have billions so this kid must have a lot of money. He said the guy told him that his parents were livid that he left the medical field.
Howard said he spoke to another guy who used the same decorator that he and Beth used. He said the guy was interesting and he liked him. He said he figures these people must be someone but he was another hedge fund guy. He said he liked that Tommy had normal friends. Howard said he went home and googled the guy and found out he's worth $10.5 billion. Robin said that's what those guys do. They must be guys who run the hedge fund companies. Howard said that's wild that he has that much money. Howard said he has SIRIUS stock and he has like 10 dollars. He said he was the one at the party that everyone felt bad for. Howard said he figured the Sirius stock was going to be his 10 billion. He said one guy told him he wipes his ass with SIRIUS stock.
Howard said there were some people saying that SIRIUS is a great stock to own. He said he doesn't get why it's so low. He said he'd love to know how you make 10 billion. Howard was fascinated by that. He couldn't get over it. Howard said that's real dough.
Robin said they were at a house in Malibu shooting her video thing and they were told that the guy who owns the house has only been there twice. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said the guy has owned it for like 5 years and he's only spent 5 days there. Howard said he hates guys like that. Robin said the taxes are $70,000 a month and the guy is never there. Howard said that's depressing.
Howard said they have to take a break but they have a surprise guest calling in today. He said it's probably Steve Grillo. Gary said it's going to be better than that. Howard wondered who it could be. Gary said that they've been on the outs with this person but he's going to be calling in. Howard wondered who that could be. Robin said she saw Carol Leifer out in L.A. over vacation. She said she saw Emily Proctor from CSI Miami. Howard said he saw Julie Bowen and she's looking good these days. He said he saw that Sofia Vergara and he's not sure what the big fuss is over her. He and Robin talked about her for a minute but they had to go over the Emmys later. He said there wasn't much to talk about though. He said it was kind of boring. Howard said Jimmy Fallon was singing some Bruce Springsteen songs. He said Jon Stewart was winning a lot of Emmys. He said he's not sure what's so funny about the show. Gary said it beat out Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was watching a clip on the internet of a girl working a vibrator and she's giving herself an orgasm but she sounds like she's being killed. Howard said women just don't sound like this usually. He said that's what porn is doing to people. He said they think they have to make noise like this but this isn't happening when women are masturbating at home alone. Robin seemed to agree with that.
Howard played the clip of this woman masturbating and she was moaning and yelling about how she was going to cum. She was going nuts for a solid minute or so. Howard said that's just not happening at home. Robin said that must be the same woman who did the ''Oh Bill'' clip they used to play. Howard said that Bill guy must be some stud. Howard replayed the clip and then Fred played the ''Oh Bill'' clip that they were talking about. That woman was going crazy moaning and groaning about this guy Bill she was with.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and welcomed Howard back. Howard asked Lisa why they ask him if she can panel with people. He told her to just go out and do it. Lisa said that she wanted to call one of the other panelists an ''idiot'' if she thinks they're an idiot. Howard said he's not sure that's ''you'' to do something like that. He said she could come up with some other way to call the person an idiot.
Howard asked who the idiot was. Lisa said she thought that this Tanika Ray was kind of dopey with her thoughts on Tiger Woods. They spent a minute talking about that. Lisa said she did try saying she thought she was an idiot in her own way. Howard said she could have a puppet with her and use that to call people names. Lisa said that everyone wants to be part of these things so they all yell out during the panel.
Howard said he watched all of the red carpet of the Emmys. He had to tune in to see True Blood last night instead of the Emmys. Robin said there's only one episode left. Howard said he saw a Rolling Stone cover they shot using Sookie and the two dudes. He said it was kind of sexy but he could do without the dudes. Howard said it's kind of gay with the two guys there. He said the show has gotten kind of gay too.
Lisa got to her news preview. She said they have a story about Billy Joel since she got an interview with Billy about his daughter and how Billy would do the show if Howard asked him to come in. Howard said if that's the case, book him. Howard said he'd have him in anytime. He said he had better be prepared for a 2 hour interview because he has a lot of questions.
Lisa said that Billy's dog just had hip surgery. Howard said he was going to talk to him about that because they may have been able to avoid the surgery. Howard told Lisa that she should try to get a date with Billy. She said she thinks that his girlfriend was there that day.
Lisa said she liked that Billy thinks of himself as a dad first and then as a singer. She said that he did a documentary about all of that and it's very interesting. Howard asked if she told Billy she plays music. Lisa said she did not.
Lisa said they have a story about Jackie the Joke Man doing his panel. She said that one person called it the worst Ground Zero Mosque debate ever. They spent a minute talking about that and how bad the debate was. Howard goofed on Jackie doing his impression a little bit.
Lisa said that Robert Schimmel is in very serious condition. Howard said he did hear about that. He said that the guy has no luck at all. Howard said everyone loves Bob when he's on the show. Howard said that Bob's wife just left him and now this. He said the last time he was in his belly was all distended because he has liver problems. Robin said he got Hepatitis C when he was in the military so that's where that came from.
Howard said he was reading the article about Bob living out in Arizona with his dad. His mother just passed away a month ago according to Lisa. Howard said Bob's 19 year old daughter was driving the car when they got into the accident. Bob's son was okay and so was the daughter. Bob is the one who didn't walk out okay. That's the way things go with him. Lisa said that she's not sure who is tweeting for Bob. She said that she spoke to Bob's manager last night and they're asking for thoughts and prayers for him. She said that he did take the brunt of the accident and he's heavily sedated right now. Howard said he thought he was okay because he was tweeting but now Lisa is saying that it's not him. Howard said he's a big believer in Bob. He was trying to get him a sitcom for a while and he had a deal set up but it didn't work out.
Lisa said she just spoke to Bob a few weeks ago and he had a living donor lined up that didn't work out. She said she was so sad after getting off the phone with him. Howard said he jokes about all of this stuff so you never know how serious it is.
Howard tried to get some info out of Lisa but she didn't have much to report about Schimmel. Howard wanted to know just how bad things were. Lisa said it sounds like he needs a miracle. Robin said he even had a heart attack back in 2000. Howard didn't even know about that. He said it's hard to keep up with all of his problems.
Howard let Lisa go and Robin mentioned that she saw one article that had Howard's picture instead of Bob's. Howard said that is weird.
Howard said he felt bad for the guy and what he had to go through. Howard said that Paul thought that Playboy should have defended him back then but they didn't. He said that Paul is bringing a Pee Wee show to Broadway and he may just go see that. He said that's one play he would go see.
Howard said Paul is a talented guy and Pee Wee's Playhouse was great. He said that he did get to interview him once and they interviewed him as Pee Wee. He said he wanted both but he would only do one character. Howard said that was kind of weird. Howard said he'd like to interview him again some day. He said he'd really like him to come in. He said he really had a raw deal with that whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a strange sound coming over his phone. Fred was playing some clips of what it sounded like. The guy was cracking up hearing that. Then the guy guessed that they were going to have Artie calling in today. Robin said they didn't have a falling out with him. Howard said Artie had a falling out with himself. The caller said it was great hearing Artie again during the vacation. Howard said that was great. He said Artie is a good man. Howard said Gary spoke to Artie over vacation and he is doing better. The caller said he was happy to hear that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back asking if Steven Tyler was going to be on American Idol or not. It wasn't really clear if he was or not. Howard said that Gary has a surprise call for them. Robin wanted to guess who it was. She said it was Joe Rogan. Gary said that he's so much funnier than Joe Rogan. Howard asked if it was Jerry Seinfeld. It was.
Jerry said that it was a fantastic feeling being back on the show. Jerry said that you go on Howard when you're on your way up and then when you're on your way down. Howard said that it's great to hear from him. He has seen him a few times out at some events. One of them was at the Transcendental Meditation thing. He said he also saw him doing the thing at the White House. He said that must have been pretty wild. Jerry said it was pretty scary and it was strange having Paul McCartney sitting right in front of him.
Howard asked Jerry if he writes all of his material himself. Jerry asked what he thinks he does. Howard said he thinks he writes it all. Jerry said that's what he does. He said it was a very cool thing to be able to do that.
Howard said Jerry seems to be retired in a way. Jerry said that he doesn't want to work anymore. Howard said he still goes out and does stand-up though. Jerry said that he does. Howard told Jerry that he doesn't want to work anymore either. He said he can't even write the foreword for Greg Fitzsimmons book. He said he just can't do it. Jerry said he gets that. He said he'd have to put in a solid 30 minutes writing something like that.
Howard asked Jerry about doing the sitcom and how he'd never want to do that again. Howard said his father loves the show. Jerry said this is why he's on the show today. He said Spike Feresten told him about how he had to go back on the show. That's why he's on today.
Howard said his father knows the show like the bible. He said it's almost biblical to him. Howard asked Jerry about the deal he had on Seinfeld because he read he makes a ridiculous amount of money from syndication. Howard asked if that's true. Jerry said he's not sure exactly but he's fine with money at this point. He said he buys old sports cars with that money. He said he lives in a nice house and he just lives like Howard does.
Howard asked if he invests at all. Jerry said he doesn't invest in stocks. He said he has it in bonds or something. He said he's pretty safe with his money. Howard asked what he bought yesterday. Jerry said that you can easily ruin your fun if you buy too much stuff. He said you can get bored.
Howard said he and Jerry had a discussion once and it was about marriage. They were at the gym and Jerry wasn't married yet. Howard said he was with Beth and Jerry said to him that he doesn't understand marriage. He said Jerry couldn't comprehend why anyone would get married and then a month later he got married. Jerry said it was a very rapid maturation process. He said he got back to New York and did everything he wanted to do and he figured he was bored because his life wasn't evolving. He said he met this girl, Jessica, who is now his wife. He said they had dinner with her. Howard said that they never reciprocated and had them over to Jerry's house.
Jerry said that it's a slow maturation process when you're a comedian. He said when he was 40 he felt 26 in his head. He said it all came about very quickly. Howard said Jerry took himself out of the game. Jerry said this is the greatest thing and he's enjoying it. Robin said that he's an authority on being married and being a father.
Jerry said he can speak with authority about being single and being married. Howard asked if he does a lot of babysitting. Jerry said he has an office he goes to and he hangs out with Colin Quinn a lot. He said that his one man show is still running on 45 Bleecker. He said he loves to help out guys like that who are great and weren't able to climb their way through the system. Howard told him to help out Greg Fitzsimmons.
Howard asked Jerry what he does to stay busy. Jerry said he still writes stand-up material. Howard asked how he memorizes that stuff. Jerry said that this is like speaking to his uncle on a weekend. He couldn't believe that Howard was asking him about that.
Howard asked what Jerry was up to now. Jerry said he was at home in his gym. He said he lifts weights and stuff like that. He gave up riding his bicycle. He said he doesn't run either. Howard said he still runs. Howard asked jerry what else he will do today. Jerry laughed and said he has the same kind of questions for Paul McCartney when he met him. He said he wants to know what people do.
Howard said everyone wants to know what Jerry is doing. Jerry said that it's the same stuff he's always done. He said after the show was done he had to do regular stuff. He said he had to just go back to doing what he originally did. That's why he moved back to New York and worked on the new act and all of that. He said the family thing was new territory for him but that's working out fine.
Howard asked about going to the office and what he does up there. Jerry said that everyone bothers him up there and that's what it's all about. Howard asked if the sex life is still good. He said it is. Howard said it does change though. Jerry sarcastically said it all stays the same forever.
Jerry asked Howard about Beth not wanting kids. Howard said she's 37 and she still has time but she's not interested. Howard said he's had kids already and he wouldn't be able to do it again. He wants to know how Jerry feels about it. He said it's a lot of work. Jerry said that he doesn't have to ask him about it because he knows already. Jerry said that it's better when you're older because no one expects you to help. He said that you don't think about other things in life either so you have it all figured out already. He said there are no more surprises and you just enjoy how funny these little people are.
Howard said Jerry is helping out with Colin Quinn and working with Larry David on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' Jerry said he and Larry David are still very close. He said they talk on the phone a lot. He said he hangs out with a lot of comedians too.
Howard said he talks to some of Jerry's friends and they're always hanging out with them. He said fucking Jerry never invites him over. Jerry said he doesn't appreciate the language. Howard said he curse a lot.
Jerry asked Howard about what he's going to be doing after his contract is up. Howard said he loves it there but he's not sure if he'll stay. He said he will continue on doing something on a more limited basis but it may or may not be there. Howard said he has a few more months left there and then he'll figure out what he's going to do.
Howard said he and Jerry are the same age. Jerry was guessing that he was younger but they're both 56. Howard said he appreciates Jerry calling in. He gave him a plug for the ''Long Story Short'' show that Colin Quinn does. He said that Jerry produced and directed the show. Jerry said he told Colin he should do this show and it has worked out. He said HBO has bought the show so it was a fantastic summer doing that. You can find out more at ColinQuinnLongStoryShort.com.
Jerry asked Robin how she was doing. Robin said she's doing fine. Howard said she needs a man. Jerry said that's not his field. He said that his wife has put together some people that have ended up getting married. He said she has a talent for that. Robin told him to throw her name out there.
Jerry said that he's got some other things in the works right now. He said he's staying busy. Robin asked how he drives all of his cars. Jerry said it's like Robin with her shoes. He said you just look at them and ask yourself what you feel like driving. Jerry said he enjoys the car thing and a lot of people like that. He said he has more than he needs. Howard said he shouldn't be ashamed. Jerry said Howard has just as much money as him. Howard said Jerry has way more than he does based on what he's reading. Howard said Jerry doesn't even have to show up to a job. Jerry said the stuff you read is always inflated.
Howard asked Jerry who he has out to his house. He said that he and Matthew Broderick go out for coffee out there in the Hamptons. Howard said he gets weirded out by Jerry when he's talking to him. He said that he's afraid that he's going to see him doing something. Jerry said he always enjoyed doing the show years ago when he was on.
Howard said he thought Jay Leno kind of crossed Jerry. He said that they wanted to use the Tonight Show set on Seinfeld and Jay said no. Jerry said that was a Helen Kushnick thing. Howard said he's surprised that he let Jay off the hook on that. Jerry said that you have to forgive people. He asked how you can go through life not forgiving. Jerry said he loves everybody. He said he loves Jay and he loves David Letterman too.
Howard said he's not friends with Jay anymore. He told Jerry that Jay hired Stuttering John and he was happy for John getting that job. He said that Jay didn't tell him he was going to do this. He went behind his back and did it. He said he called Jay out on that and he said he wasn't friends with him anymore. He said that was it. He said he feels the same way now and he wants Jerry to do the same thing. Howard said John isn't even on camera anymore. He's still a writer.
Jerry asked if they still do the madness on the show they used to do. Howard said of course they do. The people demand it. Jerry said he may start listening again now that he has a car with satellite in it.
Howard asked Jerry about the Emmys but Jerry said he didn't watch. Robin said she wanted to ask about Michael Richards. Howard said he had some thoughts on him first. He said he feels that Richards is a very talented guy and he got kind of lost after Seinfeld. He went out and did stand-up but that's not his thing. He was bombing and he started to yell out the N-word to be outrageous. Jerry said he made a bad choice to do that. He said he's funny doing stand-up but it's not an act that he could do every night. Jerry said Michael thought it would be funny and it didn't go over very well. He said he might be afraid to be untethered on stage anymore. He said Michael is upset with himself over that whole thing. Jerry said that looking at people and wondering what they think of you can be torture. Howard said that he should have brought him to the White House with him. Jerry laughed.
Jerry said Michael is now doing photography and not stand-up anymore. Howard said photography is safe. He said he needs to make it up to black people though. They did make fun of it on Curb Your Enthusiasm a little bit. Howard said Michael has to rebuild New Orleans to make it up to the black people.
Howard asked Jerry about being friends with Madonna. Jerry said his wife is friendly with her and she's over at the house once in a while. Gary asked Jerry about the Lady Gaga incident too. Jerry said he really doesn't have a problem with her. He said he wasn't upset with the whole thing like they made it out.
Howard asked Jerry if he saw Gary's pitch at the Mets game. Jerry said he did not. Howard wrapped up with Jerry and gave him some more plugs and then let him go. Jerry said he really didn't come on just to plug that stuff. He said he was just calling in to say hi. He said they're on the ins again so they're not on the outs.
Howard said he has run into Jerry a few times and he is in awe of his stand-up. He said he's so funny and relaxed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jerry was great on the show. He also asked about a scene in Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' where he quit his job when he was a country DJ. He was wondering how accurate it was. Howard said it was pretty accurate.
Howard said that Sal and Richard have been making some phone calls. He said that they sent in some stuff to Riley Martin's show where they had him reading names that they made up. They sent in all kinds of goofy names like Jenna Tilwarts, Anita Rimjob, Lou Stool, Kimmie Head and more. They also got in Mike Oksmall, Eaton Twats, Sofonda Cocks, Eileen Ulick, Hugh Jasole and more. Riley read them all in his shout outs. Howard played the audio of Riley and his co-host Eron reading those names.
Howard said these are great because now Riley thinks that people want him to stay on the air but meanwhile they're all phony. He said that Riley is going to tell Tim that he has all of this support but the emails are coming from people named Hugh Jasole.
Howard said Riley has been on a tear lately. He said he's been trying to negotiate with Tim off the air so he had some of those clips to play.
Howard played a clip of Riley complaining about the way Howard stabbed him in the back and how he's just looking for more time on the air. He said they give him a couple hundred bucks to do that one hour but he wants more time so he can get paid more. He said Riley has been calling Tim off the air too so he played some of those clips too.
Howard played a clip of Riley going off on Tim about the whole negotiation thing. Riley was asking for at least 4 hours a week. He said he should be able to find something for him. Tim said that he only controls the Howard Stern channels. Riley said he has room on those channels. He said they could skip the replay of Howard's show. Howard said the fans want his show on the replay. He said they want to hear the show, that's why they subscribe.
Riley kept bringing up the race thing and Tim wanted to bail on the call because of that. Riley told him to just tell him the show is a piece of shit and end it. Howard and Robin both said it's a piece of shit and they should end it. Howard said everything is the N-word with Riley.
Howard played another call Riley made to Tim Sabean. Riley was a little more calm this time. Riley was saying that what they are doing is out of hatred and bigotry.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Howard goes, he goes. He asked if he would bring Riley with him when if he leaves. Howard said no. He said he learned his lesson. He said that might be the reason he'd leave SIRIUS.
Howard said he had to deal with people who were very consumed with race when he was in Roosevelt. He said that they would start fights for no reason. Howard said Riley is living that life. He said he's back to that whole thing with Riley. He said Riley is even lumping Robin into the whole ''white man'' group.
Howard played more of Riley talking to Tim and Tim asked him if he was drinking. Riley didn't answer. Riley said that he wasn't but Tim figured he was based on the way he was speaking. Riley said he's recuperating from surgery. Then he continued to go on and on with Tim trying to get that extra time. Howard said the show is a novelty show and it's not a 4-5 hour show. He said he likes him because he's fun. He likes everything he does and his negotiations might be funnier than his show. Howard said they have to keep him down just to keep him funny.
Howard played some clips from Riley's show where some caller was going off on him telling him to stop calling Howard and Robin names on the show. Riley said that he didn't call anyone names before they called him the same. Howard said ''What!?'' when he heard that.
Howard said he was talking to Jerry about Jay Leno and tried to get him to pick a side between Leno and Letterman. He said even David Letterman told Brian Williams to pick a side. He played a clip of Dave asking Brian not to do that other show anymore. Dave asked Brian if he could not go on that show anymore. Brian said that Jay asks him the same about Dave. Dave did some of his impression of Jay as they were talking about that. Dave told him that he just has to catch a bus to get on his show and he has to fly to California to do Jay's show.
Howard said he doesn't get why people have to be so diplomatic about this stuff. He has no trouble picking sides in all of this. He said he'd even go on jay's show and tell him that he was a Letterman fan. Howard said he is a Letterman guy.
Howard said he has to go on Letterman and asked Dave why he did the Super Bowl commercial with Jay Leno. He said he's not sure where that came from.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his thoughts are on a one world government. Howard wasn't sure what he meant. The caller said there's a conspiracy that says the governments are united to suppress people. Howard said that's not true. He said there are some that do like China. Howard said what they're doing to their own people is just horrible. He said they rape their own people and don't let them make a decent wage. He said it's like slave labor. Howard went off on the Chinese government for a few minutes. He said that they're a million times worse off now than they were in the past.
The caller said that the other thing that everyone is carrying on about is this former Zookeeper Glenn Beck. He said that the guy wants you to be religious but the message is coming from a drunken Zookeeper. Howard said the guy doesn't appear to be a racist but Robin said that he is saying the President is a racist. Robin said that the name of the rally was ''Restoring Honor.'' She said the whole thing is like one of their old funerals. Howard said he thinks the guy is off his rocker. He said he does watch his show though.
The caller asked if he's familiar with the Alex Jones show. Howard didn't know him. The caller said that guy talks about a one world government too. Howard said he should call that show then. Howard said he has met a lot of radio guys and they're all nudniks. He said that he laughs when people get upset with Glenn Beck but he just laughs it off because these guys are just trying to make a living. Howard let that caller go and said he wishes there were a one world government. Robin said ''Oh no...''
Another caller said that Howard is missing the point of this Glenn Beck rally. He said that it's an election year and they're stoking the racial issues and things like that. Howard said that's not going to fly. He said that they already proved that people cared about the war and the economy when they got Obama elected. The caller said Howard is half right. Howard said he's completely right. The caller said that FOX News is all about race baiting and things like that.
Howard and the caller went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. The caller had a theory about FOX News and their agenda of race baiting. Howard didn't think that the public is that stupid though. Howard said that Obama isn't going to be able to fix the economy in 2 years. He said that they have to give him time. The caller agreed but he said that they don't have an economic team in place right now. Howard said this isn't a political show so he has to get out of this conversation. He let the caller go after that.
Howard played the clip of Yoko doing her thing. She was just yelling into the microphone. She wasn't singing or anything. Fred played some other clips that sounded similar. He had some Pat Cooper stuff and some Curly from the Three Stooges clips he played along with that awful performance. He also threw in some of Benjy's freak out clips and a cougar growling clip. Howard said people loved that though. He said they were applauding her. Howard said they should have said she was acting like a child and kicked her out of the museum.
Howard said he doesn't think he could do what she did. He said he couldn't do it physically. He said maybe that's what he needs to do though. He did an impression of Yoko doing her thing and Robin said she'd love to see him do that. Howard said that might be their next gig.
Robin asked how that's art. Howard said he can get caught up in some of that kooky art stuff. He said he gets it on some level. Robin said he's better than her because she doesn't get it. Howard played Yoko's thing again and then played some other crying and screaming clips.
Howard said there was a clip on the internet where this guy was screaming about his sister getting raped. He played the news report where this guy freaked out about the situation and then played a clip where someone autotuned the guy and put his rant to music. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric dropping the challenge to his mother's will. The judge is wondering why he's backing off.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who shared a room with the guy who created the Radio Hall of Fame. Steve said that this roommate has confessed to having child porn.
Steve said they have a story about an article that was written about Howard where they say he's so Jewish he makes Larry David look Unitarian. Steve also got in some plugs for the Sour Shoes special that's on at 7 tonight and for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on at Midnight.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they had to talk about today.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he was reading they're going to have two Batmans now in the comic books. Howard said that's right and Robin will be a second Batman. Howard said it makes sense to him. He said that they're just human beings and Batman is getting older so he needs someone to take over for him. Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about that before Howard let him go.
The caller said he got a tour of the studio last week and he got to sit in Howard's chair and play with the Jackie puppet. He was just kidding about that though. He just wanted to see how Howard would react. Howard said he would fire someone if that happened.
Robin read about how Paul McCartney is against animals being used in space exploration experiments. Robin said he came out and said that NASA should be able to figure that stuff out without using animals.
Robin read about the panel she was part of. Howard said he likes it when she's part of a panel. He said she was on with Boomer Esiaison. Robin talked about the show and what they discussed. She read a story about how kids are getting concussions playing sports in school and how dangerous it can be.
Robin said there are people asking that all of the erectile dysfunction ads be removed from TV when kids are watching. They think that the kids are being exposed to things they shouldn't be seeing.
Robin read about a motorcycle racer who died over the weekend in Indianapolis. Robin said she was watching Growing Up Twisted that Dee Snider and his family are on and the mom was very upset about her son riding. Robin read about the 13 year old kid who died at the MotoGP race over the weekend during a warm up lap. Robin said it's the first death in the 9 year history of the series. Howard said the whole thing is insane. Howard said Fred rides a motorcycle and he loves it. Fred said the kid was only 13 and he was too young to be riding a motorcycle.
Robin read about how they're going after Roger Clemens for lying to congress. Howard said that's weird that they're going after him like that. Gary said that he wasn't even subpoenaed to do that. He volunteered. Howard said he must be thrilled that he volunteered now.
Robin read about the Emmy awards that were on last night. Robin said ''Modern Family'' stole the show with a bunch of wins. Robin read about some of the winners and also had some clips for Howard to play. They went through a bunch of clips featuring various winners. Robin had a clip of Edie Falco, who was in Howard's movie ''Private Parts,'' at the Emmys. Howard talked about how she was almost an extra in his movie. He said she had a meaningless part but now she's in all of these huge shows. He said that a career can really turn around in a matter of 15 years. She had nothing going on back when they made ''Private Parts.'' Robin said her character didn't even have a name in ''Private Parts.''
Robin read a story about Iraq and the troops being pulled out. Robin said they're predicting a lot of violence over there now that they're pulling out. Robin said the remaining 50,000 troops may have to take on a combat role. Howard said we're sunk and we'll probably be running that country for the next 150 years. He said Saddam Hussein had those people under control when he was in power. They never should have taken him out. Robin had some audio of a woman who was a contractor over in Iraq. She was talking about what she saw over there.
Robin said that Ben Rothlisberger wants to get back into the game so he's going to be meeting with the head of the NFL to figure out if that can happen.
Robin read about Glenn Beck's rally and had some audio of Beck talking about what happened there and what he was doing. She had some audio of Beck calling President Obama a racist too. Howard said people shouldn't get so worked up over that. He said that he's just a radio guy trying to entertain people.
Robin read about the New Orleans mayor giving a post Katrina progress report. She had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he didn't want to say he was disinterested in that but asked what's going on with Cher and Ron Zimmerman. Robin said she had just seen a preview of her show that she's going to be doing soon and it looked good. Robin got back to the New Orleans thing and had some more audio clips to play. Robin said that Brad Pitt is helping out down there and the people there say that he's doing more than the government is doing. Sandra Bullock is also doing some stuff down there. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about New Orleans and how they're coming back.
Robin said that Jamie Oliver is pushing for children's lunches to be changed in schools. Robin said that she wishes him luck because the kids need help.
Robin read about a guy who went on a stabbing rampage at a high school reunion. Howard said he would probably want to stab everyone at his reunion too. That's why he wouldn't go. Robin had some audio of some of the people from the reunion talking about what went on. Robin said this was in the town she was born in and the hospital she worked at. Howard said he was voted ''Most Likely to Stab Everyone at the Reunion.'' Howard said he hated high school. He said he could never go to a reunion. Robin said that she doesn't understand the whole concept of going back there. She said it depressed her just 5 years after school. She said that it was embarrassing to see how bad people looked and were doing in life.
Robin read about a high profile catholic church guy who was taped talking about what he had done to young boys. Robin said this was from Belgium and they were asking the victim to just accept an apology and drop the whole thing. That led to Howard doing his priest impression and goofed on that story for a short time. Howard said you have to be a lunatic to sign on to be a priest. He said that they want to deny their sexuality and it's double trouble. He said they're never going to clear up that mess.
Robin read about a 21 year old guy who posed as a 14 year old boy to play pee wee football. Robin said he played for a little while before they figured him out. The guy claimed that his parents were killed in a car accident and he was being raised by his older brother.
Robin read about how Paris Hilton was arrested for cocaine possession last week. Robin said that she tried to pull out some Chapstick from her purse and some cocaine fell out. That's when the cops saw it and they had to arrest her. The cops had pulled over the car she was in because they smelled pot. Then Paris pulled out the Chapstick and the cops saw the coke. Robin read about how Paris had someone break into her house recently too. Her boyfriend has also lost his job because of the arrest. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon asked Gary if it was eating at him the whole week. Gary said it was bothering him and he didn't want to put Howard in that position if he didn't want to do it. Gary said he had asked about the blurb and he seemed okay with it. He said it was needed by last Friday and they kept putting it off until he got a response. The line is going to be one that Benjy wrote. Jon had Teddy play the clip where Howard read Benjy's line. It was something like ''Following the simple plan outlined in this book I lost 15 pounds and became a better mother...'' Gary liked that.
Gary said he loves the line and he will use it. Jon asked what happened with Greg's thing. Gary said that Greg is probably listening now and he'll do his own show tonight and they'll hear from him tomorrow. He said he was so nervous asking Howard for the blurb that he asked Benjy to write some lines for him. Gary thinks Howard is out of the book stuff completely now.
The caller asked Gary about what will happen when the show ends and if he's going to miss everyone if they leave. Gary said he absolutely would. He said he thinks about how he and Howard might remain friends but then again he may not. He said he thinks they would. Gary said he would miss the hell out of the show though.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he could stay close even if he's not working with him every day. Gary said he thinks they'd get together for dinner once in a while. He said that he's been with Fred, Howard and Robin for 26 years but he'd also miss the guys in the office.
The caller said that he works with a lot of people and they come and go and it's always hard to say goodbye. Gary said that Tim Sabean was in there and they were talking about people leaving and how tough it can be. He said that Tim cried when he lost one guy he worked with. Gary said he's not sure he'd cry but he would be upset losing people. Jon asked Tim if he ever spoke to that guy again. Tim said he never did. He went off and did his thing. Tim said they're like a family there and they depend on one another for their success.
Gary said he wants everyone to succeed but he'd be sad seeing someone like JD doing another job somewhere else. The caller said he's going to misses them when they do leave. He said he's been listening for more than 20 years now.
Jon asked JD if he thinks about this. JD said of course he does. He said he won't go radio silent or anything. He said he hopes he'll talk to everyone. Gary asked who he thinks he may never speak to again. JD said Robin, Fred and Benjy might be people who he may not speak to. He said Howard too.
Jon asked JD about the fantasy football draft and how excited he is about that. JD said he's really looking forward to that on Thursday. He said he likes fantasy sports and that can be more interesting than the girl thing. Jon asked if he gets more of a thrill out of that than having sex. JD laughed and said ''probably.''
Jon asked Will Murray if JD puts the fantasy sports thing ahead of everything else. Will said he does. He said he even puts eating ahead of girls. JD said he didn't have to go there. He said he knows he's gotten fat, ''...whatever.''
Gary said he and Howard were talking about Ross and how angry he can get when Will says something to him. Will said he loves giving him a hard time. They have a lot of betting going on behind the scenes there in the office so that's where that arguing comes from.
A caller asked why Howard didn't give Jerry Seinfeld more of a problem than he did. He said he thought Howard would be more aggressive than he was. Gary said that Howard and Jerry have run into one another since Jerry stopped doing the show and he thinks that Howard has gotten over the whole thing.
The caller was also throwing some numbers around with SIRIUS and how he'd leave in a heartbeat if Howard leaves. Gary said it's hard to say how many will really leave. He said there are people who say they will leave but there is so much more on their channels than just Howard. He does believe that it will have a huge impact on the company if he does leave. The caller said that Howard is the value there.
The caller said they're not really giving a cathartic end to the Artie saga either. He asked if they're going to do any specials or anything for Artie. Gary said Artie isn't dead. He said that Artie hasn't finished whatever it is he's doing so they can't throw specials out there. He said he did speak to Artie on Friday but he's still working on himself. He said he's not going to get better in a day. Gary said he's working on it though.
Gary said there were some good lines in the interview. They ended up talking about how Howard and Beth had Jerry over to their house but Jerry and his wife haven't asked them over. Gary said he's been to Howard's house a few times but he's not sure he wants to invite him over. He said he might have to invite him over just to be polite
Jon asked Tim if he has ever reciprocated with Howard. Tim said you do have to invite him and take the wrath from him either way.
Gary said Robin threw a party for Fred one time and Howard came. He said that he knew that Howard was annoyed by people talking too much to him so he didn't bother him. Then Howard complained about no one talking to him at the party. He said he just tried not to annoy him but even that was annoying to Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard always says no so why would anyone want to invite him. Gary said he's his boss and he is a friend. The caller said that Jerry isn't a co-worker. He said he knows that Howard won't show up if he does invite him. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said that he may know that Howard will complain though so he'll give him that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that he should reciprocate. Gary said if they invite you a few times you definitely have to. Will said that he has a tiny apartment so he can't do that. He said that he doesn't get that worked up about it.
Jon said that Jerry and Howard were talking about how they have similar thoughts on other celebrities. He played a clip from the interview where they talked about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was great that Jerry called in but he felt that Robin was cackling more than usual. Gary and Jon didn't think that was the case. The caller also asked if maybe this is like the start of a farewell tour type of thing. Gary said it isn't but that would be where he would start if he was going to do a farewell tour.
The caller asked if Ronnie has been hiding since he was given a hard time about the cookies and cupcakes. Gary said he has been laying pretty low lately. He said you have to do that once in a while. Gary said that can eventually lead up to a big explosion eventually though.
A caller asked Jon and Gary about Howard being a big time star fucker and how he screwed Gary over about the whole book thing. He said that was just wrong. The caller said Howard should write that stuff for Gary without Gary even asking. He said that if an A-lister came on the show and did something like that, he'd do it in a second. The caller said that Howard has done stuff for Chevy Chase and let him get away with the speech he gave at his wedding.
Gary said Howard has been very supportive of his book. in the middle of that Gary saw Jessica Alba walking by so they were wondering if they could go get her in there. They yelled at Tim Sabean to run out and get her. Gary wondered what they would say to her. JD didn't know but he thought it would be cool to get her in there. Gary said Jessica passed on the show already so he has nothing to ask her about. JD said they could ask her about Howard. JD said he just saw her walking out so Tim didn't make out.
Tim came back in and said he wasn't able to turn on the charm. He tried though. Gary asked what made her famous. No one was sure. She was in Fantastic 4 and some other movies. She was also in Dark Angel.
Gary got back to his defense of Chevy Chase and Howard. Gary asked Jon about what he thought about Chevy's speech. Jon found it tasteless. Will did too. He said it was weird. Gary said he found it funny. JD said it was weird for a wedding speech.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard once brought up Robin's hiccups and how he's able to control them. Robin shot back with a comment about his OCD and that shut Howard down. Gary said he didn't think that was the case but he'd have to go back and listen to those old tapes.
Jon brought up Jerry Seinfeld's hobby of collecting cars. Gary said he doesn't get that. He said Howard doesn't get it either and he's not a collector of anything. Gary said he collects a bunch dumb stuff himself. He said that he has a bunch of autographed baseballs. He said he has them all separated in his Man Cave and they're separated by who is in the Hall of Fame and who isn't. JD said he doesn't really collect anything. He used to collect baseball cards but he hasn't really done that for a few years now. He still has them under his bed.
Will goofed on JD about his ''fascinating'' baseball collecting story. Will said he doesn't collect anything now. Jon said he collected baseball cards too. Will said that's crazy. He also said that JD has collected a belly.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that Teddy is still with them after the whole Artie thing. He said he's a retard and he should have been fired. He also asked if they did the staff impression contest yet. Gary said they're still going through the tapes so they haven't done it yet.
The caller was also wondering if people get bored with the same old questions that Howard asks. Gary said he doesn't think so. The guy said maybe that's why Jerry hasn't called in for years. Gary said that Howard had a lot of other questions though. The guy said he knows that Gary supports anything that Howard does but he can't defend everything. The guy said Howard could have asked so many other questions about who he hangs out with instead of asking about money.
The caller said he thinks that JD has a form of depression and he can't relate to anything but fantasy football. They talked about JD's IQ test and how JD seemed to be bummed out about it but he didn't really act like it. JD said he wasn't bothered by it. He said there's nothing he can do about it now. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked about the Jay Leno thing and how Howard was asking Jerry about picking a side. Jon said that Howard thinks you don't have to forgive but Jerry thinks you do. Gary said that Jerry seems very mellow. He did call the show today so he must be mellowing out. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard is still prepared to not forgive some people. Gary said he does. He said he's not sure that Howard could ever forgive Jay Leno. Gary said he wouldn't surprise Howard with a call from Jay. He said Howard actually asked if that's who it was on the phone. He said he wouldn't want to take responsibility on something like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that one of the guys on Big Brother mentioned that he had ''Baba Booeyed'' it on the show and that's why he had gotten kicked out. Gary said he didn't like the way the guy used his name like that. He said that he doesn't watch the show though. He just heard about the way the guy used it.
Jon asked JD about his stripper friend and what she thinks about him talking about her on the air. JD said that he hasn't talked to her about it so he's not sure. He said that it isn't over completely but he isn't seeing her regularly.
A caller asked about Bruce Willis calling in as a surprise guest one time. Gary said that he was a Mystery guest. He said that Mystery guests are people who have never called in before. Surprise guests are people who have called before. Gary said he had to come up with a different name because people get pissed if he says they're mystery when they've called in before.
The caller asked the guys if they feel bad for not stepping in and defending Sal in those clips they played last week. That led to them talking about the special last week and some of the stuff they played.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jerry was being kind of hypocritical about Howard cursing because he cursed in ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' Gary said he might be being a little hypocritical but Howard used to bust Jerry's balls all the time on the air about being a clean comedian. He said that Jerry isn't as clean as he claims he is. The caller was also saying that the Miserable Men fans were messing with Riley all week long so it wasn't just Richard and Sal.
Jon said that the last season of ''Curb'' with Jerry and the rest of the Seinfeld crowd was great. He said Michael Richards was in there making fun of the N-word thing. Jon said he really doesn't think that he can recover from that.
Ralph called in and said that he likes that whole Seinfeld on ''Curb'' thing that they were talking about. They spent a minute going over some of the stuff that went on in ''Curb'' and how funny it was.
Ralph was surprised that they weren't talking about Howard revealing that he's not retiring and he will go on even if he leaves there. He said that was pretty big to him. Gary said it was a big revelation. He said that was something new.
Ralph also said that the caller was wrong about Howard asking Jerry about watch he's up to. He said that's exactly what he wants to hear about. He said he doesn't want to hear Howard complaining about him not coming on the show for years.
Ralph was also going off on Gary for asking Howard to write that blurb for his book. He said there is no difference between what he did compared to what Greg Fitzsimmons did. Gary said there's a huge difference. He said that a blurb is one sentence and a foreword is 4-5 pages. Ralph said that Howard has been complaining about the foreword for months now and he'd never ask him to write anything for him. Gary said he would too. Ralph said he had to get going a short time later. Gary said he felt funny asking Howard to do the blurb thing. He said it wasn't easy for him to do that.
JD was talking about the show Lisa was on and how awful the whole thing was. He said they were trying to mix two stories together and it just didn't work.
A caller said that JD must be a bisexual or something because he's picking Fantasy Football over a hot chick. JD said that he is not bisexual. He said he has yet to be turned on by any penis.
The caller was also asking if they heard Mutt talking about how Howard might be gay based on how he defends gay people all the time. Gary said he heard about the conspiracy theory show they did. They talked about a bunch of stuff like that like Howard wearing a wig and about the whole Artie thing being a scam.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Gary would put Leno on if he called in. Gary said he would go to Robin first and ask if they should surprise Howard with that. He said he'd probably end up talking to Howard about it too before letting him on the air. He wouldn't want to surprise Howard with Leno on the phone. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how they were going to be trying to get Little Lupe and Dave Lampert on the phone together. He said that they'll be talking to Greg Fitzsimmons about his foreword too. He said they have some staff impression contest entries to listen to as well.
Robin said this is a slam dunk for Sour Shoes. Howard said there are a lot of people entering. He said Sour had his show last night and he had some clips to play from that. Howard said the guy is very entertaining. Howard was about to play a clip of Sour Shoes going back and forth in a conversation. Benjy was making noise eating so that distracted him for a second. He thanked him for that and then moved on to the clip. In the clip Sour was doing his Ferrall and Mad Dog Russo impressions as if they were talking to each other. He took a phone call from a guy who got him on the Ferrall impression and then he goes into his Russo impression and they're both amazing impressions. He also threw in his Gary Dell'Abate impression and a couple of others.
Howard said he had a lot of emails about Sour's show. He read some of those and the fans were saying he's a genius. People were saying he needs 4 hour shows. Howard said Sour must be doing that in his house all day long with his parents around. Some of the fans were saying he needed some direction from them to get him out there in life. Howard talked about how Lindsay Lohan needed the same thing. He said she's in the paper today looking really adorable. He said she might be a bit of a mess underneath though. Howard said she claims she wants to keep her career though. Howard said she blames her parents and Hollywood sexism for her problems.
Howard said Lindsay looks hot but Robin said she looks like she's 40. Howard said she's still hot. He said he'd like to see Robin laying down with her side tittage out there like Lindsay.
Howard read some more Sour Shoes feedback. One fan said they should dump Riley and put Sour Shoes in there instead. Howard said Sour took a request from someone last night. He played that clip and Sour was doing his Bill Clinton impression. Sour knows everyone's local weather and traffic when he takes those calls. Sour went into his Gary impression again and played some more music for the caller. Howard said you get the idea when you hear those clips.
Howard played an impression of Benjy that a fan sent in. He said this was Benjy at 5:30 in the morning. He was snoring and then his alarm went off and he goes back to sleep after waking up.
Howard played another impression and this one was of Gary. The guy was doing his impression of Howard doing his impression of Gary. Howard thought it was creative. Another guy did a Jason impression. He sounded kind of like Kermit the Frog.
Howard played an Eric the Midget impression that was pretty good. The guy had his voice down. There was another one of a guy doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression. Gilbert has been on the show so he does count as someone from the show. The guy's impression was pretty good too.
Howard had a Joe Walsh impression to play too. Howard said Joe used to be on the show. Howard said he has another one that has a pretty good chance of winning. The guy did a Mark the Bagger impression. The guy had Mark the Bagger's voice down pretty good. Howard said this next one had a good shot too. It was an impression of Richard's dad calling in. It was pretty good as well. Robin got a big laugh out of that one.
Howard played another one of a Steve Langford impression. Howard wasn't sure about that one. Robin didn't seem to like it. Another one was a High Pitch Mike impression. The guy sounded a lot like Mike. Howard said that one was pretty good.
Howard said that High Pitch Mike has gone full out gay lately. He has a Facebook page and he's got a Michael Jackson birthday countdown going on right now. Howard said he's got some other weird gay things going on too. Robin said he's always going on vacations and stuff and it's all about guys. Howard said he's now flaming and he came bursting out of that closet.
Howard said he had a Mariann from Brooklyn impression. That was some guy doing an impression of her. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that impression. Howard and Robin seemed to like that one.
Howard played one of a guy doing a Doug Hurwitt impression. The guy's impression was of Doug talking about how slow he is at updating the HowardStern.com web site.
Howard said they're still taking entries in the contest. He said there was one that a guy did of Gary that he really liked. He played that one and it was a pretty good impression where the guy kept saying ''Can I say something?'' over and over. Howard said the impression wasn't great but the ''Can I say something'' was pretty accurate.
Howard played a Dave Lampert impression. That guy was pretty good too. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that one. Howard said he thought it was pretty good. He said it's going to be hard to judge.
Howard asked Robin which one she liked. Robin had a bunch that she liked. Howard said there were some really good ones in there.
Howard said there was a really bad magician on that show the other night too. He said Piers Morgan is a great judge though. He said he pointed out that the plastic arm he used was very obvious. The magician was saying it wasn't about the magic and it was about the idea of it. Howard said they were talking about how bad his look was too. Howard said he loves that show. He said they have some interesting stuff going on. He said you realize that there isn't that much talent in America.
Robin asked Howard about shows like Jersey Shore and stuff like that. Howard doesn't watch it but he does think that the guy who named his abs ''The Situation'' is pretty genius. Howard said he's nicknamed his penis before but he doesn't stick with it. He said that he doesn't introduce his penis as Howard Jr. everywhere he goes. He said that guy doing ''The Situation'' thing is genius.
Robin said that she's heard from people who are pissed that they're famous. Robin said they couldn't do anything else in their lives so it's a good thing they're getting paid to do that. Howard said the that guy introduces himself as The Situation as he's ordering a pizza in one episode. Gary came in and said he thought that he didn't name his abs The Situation. That's just his own nickname because he causes a situation everywhere he goes.
Gary said he went to Great Adventure and they were selling The Situation bobble heads and other stuff and people were buying the stuff. He said he's not sure that stuff was even legal but it was being sold.
Howard said he heard about the next Dancing with the Stars and they're going to have Bristol Palin, Florence Henderson, Curt Warner, Michael Bolton, Jennifer Grey and Brandy Norwood. Howard said there are no hot chicks on the show this season. He said they may have lost him with this line up. Howard said he's very quirky with his TV show watching. Howard said they've got to have hot chicks on these shows. He said he can't watch Jersey Shore because the hottest chick is The Situation.
Howard said he thought Sylvester Stallone made a good point about the super hero movies ruining it for the guys who have muscles. They can stick anyone into a super hero costume now. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard brought up Roger Clemens too and talked about how he had begged to speak in front of Congress and now he might be in big trouble for allegedly lying to them under oath. Howard said these sports guys don't seem that bright. Howard said he could get 4 years in jail for that. Howard said it's not right to lie but 4 years for that is a little too much.
Howard said he read that Barnes and Nobel is closing one of their mega stores there in the city. Robin said that place is always full. Howard said they're just people who browse and drink coffee in there. Howard said he loves books and he can't read the electronic ones. Howard said he likes holding that book and not just some reader.
Howard came up with some more ideas for the Footloose movie thing. He was saying they could have an opening scene where they're cutting off the feet of a girl. Howard said they could have Kevin Bacon playing General Petraeus. He said that would be some movie. He said that should be the remake of Footloose. He said he can see it making $100,000. Howard said he could call it ''Footless'' instead of Footloose. That way he wouldn't have to worry about copyright or trademarks. Howard made up more scenes as he was going along. He came up with ideas to remove women's vaginas and things like that since it would be taking place in Afghanistan. Howard said he had the movie half written already as he was talking it up.
Howard told Fred to get the old (Private Parts) team together to make this movie. He said that Footless could be a huge hit. Howard wants to get Bristol Palin to appear in it getting her head stomped by a camel.
Howard did more scenes for this movie he was creating and came up with all kinds of torture scenes. He had ideas for killer ants eating people's heads and things like that. Fred played some music behind Howard as he was coming up with all of this stuff.
Howard told Gary to ask if it was actually used in the movie. He said he wants to know if it was ''on cam'' as Eric the Midget would say.
Howard said he brow beat Jon for those Iron Man things. He feels kind of weird about that. He said the guy really didn't have to send him anything at all.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks that it's a real Iron Man mask. Gary said he thinks that it is real but he's not sure if it was in the movie. Gary said that maybe they made 20 outfits and this is one of them. He said he thinks that's pretty valuable. Howard said he wants to know if it's a real thing so they have to figure out if it's real or not. Gary said he will e-mail Jon now and ask. Gary said that Jon won't see through that at all.
Gary said he's going to play him some red carpet interviews that Shuli did out at the Emmy's. Shuli went out there instead of Eric the Midget. Howard got back to his Footless movie ideas. He came up with some ways to include those Iron Man props. Howard put the mask on so he sounded like he was dressed up like Iron Man.
Howard had ideas for more torture scenes in Footless. He had people being stung by bees and things like that. Howard said this might have to be in 3D. He said he's looking forward to the Jackass 3D movie. Howard said he wants to get Scarlett Johansson in this Footless movie. He said she's so hot that the bees wouldn't even land on her. Howard said he's captivated by this movie. He apologized for going on so long about it.
Howard tried to take a call but that didn't work out. He said he has other things to get to but he has to take a break. He has Little Lupe and Dave Lampert on the phone to talk. They have to figure out if they can do the Sybian ride thing.
Howard had Dave and Lupe on the line and asked Lupe what she's been up to. She's been working on her web site, ILoveLupe.com. Howard said he'd have to get Lupe for his movie Footless.
Howard said Dave needs to speak to Lupe about doing this Sybian ride. He's not close to the studio so he wants to make sure he's not wasting his time coming in. Dave said he watched Lupe on a show and when she started to have an orgasm, she jumped off of the Sybian. He said he needs her to stay there and keep having orgasms. He wants her to have 20, 30 or 50 orgasms. Lupe said that her orgasms are very intense. Dave told her he needs her to stay on the machine and keep having them. She said she can keep going.
Howard said he thinks that Dave needs people who can stay affixed to the Sybian. Robin said her orgasms are very intense though. Howard said they have to think this through and make sure that they can do this without getting off of the Sybian. Lupe asked what he's going to do for her. Dave told her that he will want her to put her arms around him and hold him as he's holding her.
Lupe asked if he's hot. Dave told her that he's not hot, he's an old geezer. He told Lupe to think about him as if he was Brad Pitt or someone like that. Lupe said she can do that. Lupe said she likes older men too. Howard said that he's really old. Dave said he needs Lupe to ignore everyone else while he's doing his thing. Howard said maybe he can play the really old Brad Pitt from Benjamin Button.
Howard said Dave knows that Lupe won't be attracted to him. He said that he and Dave are the same in that way. He said that Dave is going to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she has to stay on the Sybian. Lupe said that if Dave smells then she can't do it. Dave said he can shower before he comes in.
Howard asked Lupe if she can do this. Lupe said ''I guess'' so Howard said she has to be sure. Dave said they're both coming from a long way to do this so they have to be sure. He said that people can have many orgasms from this machine and he wants to demonstrate that. Lupe said she loves orgasms. Howard asked if she can follow his direction. Lupe said that she promises that she will. Dave said that works for him then.
Lupe said that she will have so many orgasms she'll be like a ''ma-sheen.'' Dave asked if she stayed up late or woke up early to get on the phone today. She said she stayed up late. Howard said he thinks this will be the best Sybian ride ever.
Howard asked Lupe if she's touching herself now. She said she was. Howard had Dave talk to her to turn her on. Dave said he's looking forward to turning her on with the Sybian. He said they're going to put their arms around each other. Lupe said she's afraid that he's going to smell bad. Howard said Dave seemed to be a clean man. He is an inventor so he must be clean. Lupe said that old people smell bad. Dave said he will not smell that morning. He said he will be 80 next month but he does shower.
Howard asked Lupe if she's ever been held by an 80 year old. She said she hasn't. Howard said Dave is 80 but he smells like 30. Howard said Lupe will be naked on the Sybian and she will have her arms around Dave and Dave will be talking dirty to her. Lupe said she can do that.
Lupe said she wants Dave to fuck her Fleshlight. Howard said Dave is going to talk so dirty to her that she'll go wild. Lupe said she likes that. Howard told Dave to talk to her dirty. Dave said he wants her to fuck him hard and get the poison out. Lupe asked ''what poison?'' Dave said he's going to get the poison out of her pussy. Lupe said she doesn't have any poison in her pussy.
Howard gave Dave some plugs for his Sybian web site and for Lupe's web site ILoveLupe.com and some of her products like the Fleshlight. You can find that at Fleshlightgirls.com. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and let them go.
Howard said the thing that opened up Pandora's Box was when Lisa Lampanelli asked him for something for her book. Then everyone started asking. He said he did a few but now he's done. He said he doesn't want to write anything for anyone else's books.
Howard said he has to tell Fitzsimmons that he isn't going to do this foreword for him. He said he likes Greg as a talent but he's never really hung out with the guy so he's not sure he likes him.
Howard said Gary should have known better than to ask about the blurb. He said he has a hard time saying no to people. He wants to be everyone's hero but he's burnt out. Howard said he's not writing for anyone else. He wants to write for himself only. He has to write this movie Footless now. He said he has to revive Lindsay Lohan's career with that movie.
Howard said Gary's lips are sealed right now and they're having a hard time containing those teeth. Howard said Benjy wrote him a blurb so he'll be using that. Howard said he's done writing these blurbs and forewords though. He said Gary, of all people, should know that he doesn't want to do it. He said he's such a miserable fuck about that.
Howard said he can't talk to his shrink about this right now because the guy is away for a month. He said he shouldn't be going 3 days a week. He said he might have to cut it down to like 1 day a week instead. Howard said he doesn't think he'd have any relationships if it wasn't for that guy though. He said he has helped. Robin said that she was able to stop and she doesn't have the same problems that Howard has.
Gary said he went to a therapist too. Howard said that was a psychologist and they're not the same as a psychiatrist. Robin said they do the same thing. Howard said that's not true. Robin said the psychiatrists know about what's inside the brain because they went to medical school. Howard said they're better at what they do. He and Robin argued about that for a minute. Howard said you go to a doctor instead of a chiropractor. Gary said he would go to the chiropractor if he had back pain.
Howard said he's not going to write Gary a blurb. Gary said it's done already. He said he took the Benjy blurb. He's going to credit Howard with the blurb though. Howard said he will never take credit for that. Howard asked Benjy what he should tell Greg today. Benjy is up for writing the fill in the blanks type of foreword. Howard said he hopes that Greg rejects it so neither of them have to do any work.
Howard said his shrink will ask him why he didn't say no to the guy right away. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't. He has a hard time doing that. He said he knows he should have said no right away. Howard was just trying to be a big hero to everyone. He said he overstepped his abilities. Howard said it's all his fault.
Howard said that Greg was on his show talking about the foreword last night. He played a clip where a caller asked Greg about the foreword and what he's going to do. Greg said he was pissed and said that his kid played in a soccer game and they sucked. He said they might be the worst soccer team out there. He said he's working on his book and doing the finishing touches on it right now. Howard said he really doesn't care about this book. He let the clip play and Greg was talking about how he woke up to 1200 new emails telling him about what Howard had said. He said that he got a call from Gary at 4:45 in the morning and the reason for having a telephone is not to get a call from Baba Booey. Greg said he knows Howard doesn't want to write the foreword. He said he's been called into the town square for a gun fight. Howard said it's not a gun fight. He said he just doesn't want to write the foreword.
Greg said he doesn't know why they're doing this to him. Howard said he just can't get this done for whatever reason. Greg said he has paid the price for this whole thing already. Howard said he can see he has writer's block and he's not going to be able to write it. Robin said that Greg is only thinking of himself and Howard tried to think of Greg but he wasn't able to do it.
Howard said there's one person who wrote a book and didn't ask for anything. That person was Robin. He said she didn't ask for anything for her book. Robin said she didn't get into it to be a burden on Howard. Howard said Robin is no 34 on the narcissism scale, she's a 32. He said she was thinking of him when she wrote that book and he appreciates that.
Howard said he's sure that marriage will last. Porn star marriages never work. Howard said Nick married another porn star. Howard said Jenna Jameson married some guy and she can't stay in a relationship. Robin said she thought that she was still with Tito Ortiz. Robin said she think that she was forgiving him.
Lisa said they spoke to the guy who is training Robin to run in the NYC Marathon this year. She's doing 11 minute miles right now so she can expect to finish in about 5 hours. Howard said he's afraid she's going to drop dead during this thing.
Robin said she likes to run in the Napa area when she's out there so she was running like 12 miles. She said that she did 12 mils and it was tough. Howard said that's the most he has ever done and that's when he knew he'd never do more than that. He said he lost half his day and he was worn out after a run like that. Howard said he hopes that Robin doesn't shit her pants during the marathon. He said that's the worst. He said one woman did that in the marathon and you could see the shit running down her leg. Howard said he wishes Robin the best in this thing.
Lisa said that Gary has finished his book and it is off to the printers today. Howard said that Gary was kissing his ass about the comments he had given him. He said the editor agreed with him. Howard said he can't wait to read this book. He said it's going to be the greatest. He's going to have everyone underlining their favorite parts.
Lisa said that Gary is going to be recording his audio book (for They Call Me Baba Booey) starting today. Howard did his impression of Gary doing that read. He had Gary talking about working in the record store and telling stories about that. Howard said this is going to be a fascinating book about Gary's life. He goofed on him for a couple more minutes.
Howard said he was sad when he saw them flash up Soupy Sales on the Emmy awards. Howard said he really was his hero when he was a kid. Robin said Gary was talking about how he wouldn't surprise Howard with Jay Leno on the show but she did surprise him with Soupy once. Howard said he really loved that guy.
Howard said Jewel came out and performed a song on the Emmy awards and she really sings like an angel. Howard said the people on American Idol don't have talent like that. He said she's a really good guitar player. Robin said she's an artist. Howard said there are so many people who can't sing but she's so talented. He said she's got big jugs too so she's quite a package. Howard said if he was involved with Jewel he would tell her she doesn't need any back up band. She's a folk singer and there's no shame in that. He said she's got a sweet face and the big boobs. It's such a great package.
Howard said he would have had Jewel playing topless years ago if he were her manager. Howard said she's so soulful she drives him nuts. Howard said she's a great package. Howard said he loves seeing girls with talent.
Howard said that he saw Jake Gyllenhaal on the Emmy's. He said he's dating this Rachel Bilson and she's one good looking girl. Robin said that Jake is finally playing a romantic lead and she thinks that's great. Howard said this Rachel Bilson looks like fun. He wondered if she swallows or is into anal. He said he has so many questions for her.
Lisa said there may be some bonuses in the audio book version of ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Howard said he can't wait to hear Richard chop up that book. He said they should run a contest where people chop it up and come up with great lines. Gary said they may not see Richard for a year while he chops that book up.
Lisa said that Gary is going to be doing a bunch of in-store appearances when his book comes out. Howard said that Richard spent a month and a half on the Pat Robertson audio book. He played some of those clips that Richard edited together. He had Pat talking about Sal's pouch and had him praising 16 year old cock, little boy's assholes and satan. Howard wondered if the Gary thing could be better. He imagined some of the lines that Richard could edit together. Howard played more of the Pat Robertson edited clips and Richard went through a lot of trouble to make him tell stories that went on and on. Howard wondered how long it takes to cut those together. Robin said that he has to construct words so it must take a long time.
Howard said that some of the lines were really long. He played another one where Pat Robertson was talking about his obsession with Peter North. Howard said he has to tell Richard that he's the only one who knows who Peter North is.
Howard said he loves the staff impression contest too. He said he loves the one of the guy doing Richard's dad. He replayed that clip when Richard came in. Richard said he liked that one too. Richard said that's what he hears when he checks his voice mail every morning. All of the fans do their impressions every morning. Howard said that Richard was wearing a wrist band that looked very gay. Richard said it was from a fan who does leather carvings. Howard said that was like a big Village People carving or something. Richard said it was rock and roll. Howard thought it was very gay looking.
Gary told Howard that Richard has a huge skull watch on this morning. He said that he has to open it up to tell time. Howard didn't want to know about it.
Howard played more of the Pat Robertson clips and said that has to be a lot of work. He played another long one and then an 11 second clip that Gary suggested. Richard said he had to listen to like 4-5 hours of that guy. He said he had to listen to Jay Leno's too and that was boring. Larry King's was really boring. He said that the Dolly Parton stuff was good too. He said his favorite was Ed McMahon's stuff. Richard thanked Howard for playing the Pat Robertson stuff. Howard asked Lisa if she had anymore. She was done so they went to break.
Howard came back and said that was right there in their studio. He said he was catching up on some TV watching yesterday. He said he is the King of All Media so he has to be up on that. Howard said he loves that people try to steal that title from him. Robin said that he created it so it can't be taken from him. Howard said a lot of people took the Queen of All Media title and use it. Perez Hilton and Wendy Williams both use it. Howard said they should have to come and ask him to use it.
Howard said that Beth told him that she's become friends with Star Jones. He said he didn't realize how great she was. Robin had the same reaction to her. Howard said Beth loves her. He said he may run into her one day. Howard said he can't imagine he'll be friends with her. Howard said he found that pretty funny. Howard said Beth and Star started talking and became friends.
Howard said he saw the Whitney Cummings special that was on Comedy Central and she's great. He said they backed the right woman in that contest they had on the show. Robin said that not everyone backed her. Howard said that she's great and her special is worth checking out. He said he and Beth were checking it out and they loved it. Howard said they never watch stand up for more than 5 minutes but they watched all of her stuff.
Howard said he got a list of the 5 best things to say if you're caught sleeping at work. The first one he read was about how they told you at the blood bank that this might happen. Then there was one about a time management course and a couple of other lame ones. Howard said there was one about listening to the keys on your keyboard. Then the final one was saying ''In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's a song called Taxi and he was watching it on YouTube and it turns out it was a guy singing on it. Howard said that is kind of creepy.
Howard said that Robin voted for April Macie in the funniest hottest chick contest. Robin had said earlier that she voted for Whitney.
Howard told Fred to play that song Taxi. Fred played the song and Howard said it was very gay. Howard said it was almost a Silence of the Lambs kind of thing. He was creeped out by the song. Howard did an impression of the guy singing it. Howard said everyone thought that was a woman. Robin said she never did. Howard said ''yeah, like you voted for Whitney Cummings.'' Howard played a song that High Pitch Eric sang and said it was the same guy from that Taxi song.
Howard read a story about a poll that was done about Mel Gibson and they found that 75 percent of the audience wouldn't be affected by Mel yelling at his girlfriend on the phone. Howard said that can't be true. They also found that 80 percent of men said it had no effect on them. He said 72 percent of women said it had no effect. Howard said they must have been called cunts a lot if that's the case. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that it would have no effect at all.
Howard said people must be getting immune to that kind of thing. He said that 93 percent of the people said that they hate Howard Stern even more. He was joking about that of course.
Howard said the best one was from the one woman who didn't know who Shuli was. Howard said it was with someone he had never heard of too. Shuli said she was from ''The Office'' and she ended up coming back to yell at him.
Shuli asked Melora Hardin about what she likes on SIRIUS and she named a bunch of channels that play music but no talk stations. Shuli asked her if she had any messages for the trapped Chilean miners. She didn't know what to say. Shuli asked her if she feels bad going out and celebrating while something bad is going on. Melora said that people need to feel joy and there are always bad things going on in this world.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the miners who are stuck in the mind in Chile and how awful it must be to work down there. Gary said that they're saying that the mining company went out of business and the workers may not even get paid while they're stuck down there.
Shuli asked Melora if she's ever used the N-word. She said she hasn't. She answered the questions very pleasantly and left a short time later. Then she came back to Shuli a few minutes later and told him that the questions he asked weren't very appropriate. Shuli said he asked her if she watches porn after that and she said she didn't. Then she left and he thought things were fine. Howard said he didn't think they were that inappropriate. He said the chick isn't even that old and you'd think she'd be okay with questions like he asked.
Howard said Shuli got an interview with this guy who was on Dancing with the Stars. He wasn't even up for an Emmy. Shuli said the PR people go running up and down the line the whole time. He said that it's kind of embarrassing.
Howard played another interview Shuli did with the guy from Dancing with the Stars. He asked how many girls he had banged and the guy said that wasn't a question. He walked away. Shuli said he had a follow up though.
Howard said those were the only good ones. He said Shuli was telling everyone else where he was from so it kind of ruined it. Howard said they basically sent him out there just to do two shitty interviews. He said Eric the Midget would have been a pain in the ass if they had sent him.
Gary said he had the clip that Shuli mentioned earlier. Shuli asked them if they had any words for the miners who were trapped. One girl wished them luck and said she hopes they can make it.
Shuli said that he had a story about his trip home. He said he was stuck on the plane in the middle seat. He said he was afraid he was going to get stuck with someone awful. He said a married couple showed up and the guy was a 300 pound rabbi. He said that he asked to change seats with them and they didn't want to change. He said that he was stuck in the middle. He said the guy wasn't wearing any deodorant so he reeked. He said the woman was eating before they even took off. Shuli said the food stunk and the guy stunk and it was awful. Shuli said he passed out sleeping once they took off. Then 30 minutes into his nap he got tapped on the shoulder. The woman had to go to the bathroom. He said the two of them had to get up and there were no empty seats.
Shuli said she came back and he was just pissed and watching TV. He said he wasn't able to breath through his nose from the smell. He said he was boiling with anger from the whole thing. Then there was a baby that just showed up out of nowhere. He had to pass the baby over to the wife from some other guy on the plane. Shuli said he was asked to hold the baby for a second and he looked at the guy and said if he wanted to fly he would have brought his own kid.
Shuli said that the guy said something into Hebrew to his wife and it was basically saying ''That's why I don't like them.'' Shuli said the guy didn't know that he understood him. Shuli said that he responded in Hebrew and told him to go fuck his mother in his ass. He said the guy's eyes opened up wide and his wife gasped for air. Then the guy came back, sat down and didn't say a word the rest of the flight. Shuli said he had his feet up and he enjoyed the rest of his flight. Shuli said he doesn't know what he thought he was. He said he was so pissed from the start.
Howard asked Shuli about growing up in Israel and how he learned to speak Hebrew. Shuli said he was born there and he can speak the language. Howard said he admires when anyone can speak more than one language. He said the language to know right now is Chinese. He said they're taking over.
Gary told Howard that the Melora chick had tweeted about Shuli's interview. He read her tweet to Howard and she said that the guy was ''very rude'' and she told him so. Howard said that woman sounds like a nut. Shuli said he loves that she twittered about him. Howard asked if she's hot. Shuli said she's hit the wall. Howard said he has to go deal with another uncomfortable situation now. He had to get to Greg Fitzsimmons.
Howard said he sat down to write his foreword this weekend but he doesn't know Greg that well so he didn't know what to do. He said he just doesn't know the guy very well and he doesn't know what to write.
Howard said that he was out of line saying yes. He said he shouldn't have said yes. Howard told Greg that Benjy is wiling to write... Greg cut him off and said no. He told Howard no over and over but Howard told him that he doesn't want that. Greg said that he didn't start doing Benjy's show 10 years ago. He doesn't know Benjy well enough to let him do that.
Howard said that the book is getting a lot of notice now that he's not writing this foreword. Greg said that he really doesn't care about the foreword. He said he doesn't have to write it. Howard said he would rather go swimming anyway. Howard said the foreword doesn't help with sales. He said that he wrote one for Ratso and the Abby Hoffman book only sold like two copies. He said it doesn't help.
Greg said he asked Howard to write the thing from his heart. He said that his life is an example of standing up to authority and he thought it would complete the book for him. He said that he wasn't trying to cash in on his relationship with Howard either. He was just putting it out there for him.
Howard said he's going to have Benjy write the foreword and then he will tell Greg he wrote it. Benjy said he's find with that. Greg said no again. He said he's going to ask Howard K. Stern to write it instead. Howard said that should work.
Howard told Greg he gave him a radio show and he doesn't do that for just anyone. Greg said that's great too. He said he had Gary calling him at 4 in the morning yesterday and he wants to finish talking about this. He asked if he can use his rant from the day he asked about doing the foreword. Howard said that's fine. Greg said he could have said that 6 weeks ago and ended this. Howard said he didn't know that was an option. Greg said he obviously doesn't listen to his own news team.
Howard said he's fin with Greg quoting his rant. He said he can cut it up the way he wants but he wants to read it first. Greg said he'll do that then. Howard told Jason to make sure he gets that stuff to Greg.
Howard said Greg is now his friend again. He said he wasn't his friend 5 minutes ago. Now that he's taken away the burden, he's his friend. Howard admits that he's a jerk when it comes to relationships. He said it all stems from him not being able to take ''no'' answers himself. He said he can't say no and he can't stand being told no. Greg said he can relate to all of that.
Howard said Ellen Degeneres must know Greg better than he odes. Greg said that's not the case. Howard told Jason to pull all of his rants from the radio and then send them to Greg. He said that this is what Greg is going to use in his book. Howard said they have a solution now. Greg said he loves it. Howard said he loves it too. Greg said he'll send him a copy of the book so he can read it over the weekend.
Greg said that Howard has said that no one will ever read that book. He said that's a big help. Robin said he does have family that will read it. Howard said he can use the blurb on the back of his book about how no one will read it. Greg asked how long it'll take to approve the rant write up. Howard said he'll turn that around in a day.
Howard let Greg go and said he has learned his lesson. He said he will be up front and honest from now on. He's not going to tell people yes anymore. Robin did a practice with Howard and asked if he would write a foreword for her book. Howard said he would. Robin laughed and said ''Oh no...'' Howard changed his answer and said no to her. Robin tried to convince him to change his mind and begged him to write it. Howard and Robin goofed on Greg a little more and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Katy Perry is hot. He said Russell Brand is going to marry her. He said it's a fun thing even if it doesn't work out. He said she's a nice girl and she's hot. He said it's also increased his profile. Howard said he admires that. It's a great career move.
Howard brought up the Glenn Beck rally and how he thought it was about politics but it turns out he was telling people to get down and pray. He said the guy is a douche but he's a smart douche. Howard said he got like 80,000 people to show up down there. He's just doing an AA rap though. Howard had some clips of Beck making a speech. He was telling the crowd about what the rally was about.
Howard wondered who wants to hear from a drunken Zookeeper about this stuff. Howard said he wouldn't show up and give him that honor. This is all about stroking his ego. Howard had some audio of Glenn Beck from 1983 when he was a morning DJ. He played that audio and goofed on that for a short time.
Howard played some more of his rally speech and then some more of his morning zoo clips. Howard was wondering if Steve Kingston was ever his Program Director over at WPGC. Howard said Steve has been almost everyone's Program Director at some point. Howard said he could have been a drunken morning zoo guy himself. He said it sounds like Glenn got in there just before he did. Howard goofed on him some more about his delivery.
Gary said that Beck has the same kind of products that Rush Limbaugh has. He said he's got a ton of stuff he sells. Howard said that it must be the same kind of people who listen to both of them. Howard said people can't be that into these guys. He asked Gary who buys that shit. Gary said they call it Glenn Beck University. They have a chalkboard mug and some other wacky stuff like that. JD said it's an actual university from what he can tell. Gary said they do some other goofy stuff with the products they have. Gary said you can get a bumper sticker that says ''I'm a Proud 9/12'er'' or something like that. He's got some other stuff that Gary quickly went over.
Gary told Howard what the whole 9/12er thing was about. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said the guy is an entertaining drunk. He's just talking about the 12 step program. Howard said the guy is out of control and he had to be told what to do. That's why he's on this 12 step program.
Howard said he could never be a Zookeeper like this. He said that he'd probably be better at calculus than at being a Zookeeper. Howard kept going back and forth between the rally clip and the Zookeeper clips. Howard would goof on Beck about the Zookeeper clips and then play some more of the rally clips. He said it would have been a huge waste of his talents to do something like this himself. He said that Beck must have been hitting the bottle pretty heavy back then.
Howard got back to the rally and played through more of Beck's ramblings. Howard said the guy is really emotional. He wondered if people got in busses to go down there. Robin said she's sure they did. Howard kept playing short clips from the rally and then he'd goof on Beck for a couple more minutes.
Howard said he looked up some stuff on the internet and found a clip of Beck doing a commercial with a monkey in it. He was doing his Zookeeper thing at the time. Howard said that the monkey just sat there being cute the whole time.
Howard wrapped up his Glenn Beck rally clips. He said it sounds like a really great sermon he was giving down there. Howard said Beck started crying on his radio show when he was thanking his fans for showing up. Howard played that clip next. In the clip Beck was barely able to speak. Howard said this was cringe worthy and embarrassing. Howard let the clip play some more and Beck sounded like he was on the verge of breaking down in tears. He thanked his fans for coming. Howard said he was thanking the fans for coming to listen to his bullshit. Howard said this is a nightmare. He said they should have interviewed the people who showed up down there. Robin said they might be scarier than the people who dress up as Gamorrean guards. Howard said they were listening to this guy doing a third rate sermon.
Howard played more of Beck's Zookeeper clips. He was doing a commercial in this one clip he played. Howard said he's so personable that he felt that he was talking directly to him. Howard said this wasn't a horrible job at all. He said you don't need to go to college for this. He said that's what they were trying to turn him into at WNBC. He said that's what Pig Virus wanted him to do. That awful morning show delivery like Beck was doing. Howard said Radio is sickening. He wondered how he can live with himself doing a show that bad. Then he heard that he was doing the show in the afternoon and goofed on him about that. Howard said he was probably so drunk he didn't know his show ended 4 hours ago.
Howard said you have to applaud the guy for selling coffee cups and all of that. Howard said if you get upset that he's taking over the world, just think that he's just trying to entertain people. He's not taking over the world. They went to break after that.
Steve said they also have a story about George Takei doing Shakespeare in Klingon. Howard said that he can't imagine him doing something like that.
Steve said they also have a story about Gary almost puking during the preview of Jackass 3D. Howard said he heard that there was feces flying all over the place in one of the scenes that Steve O was in. Howard said that's what he heard from Gary. Steve also got in some plugs for Jackie's Joke Hunt show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard ended up playing some Klingon language tapes so he could learn some of that stuff for the George Takei Shakespeare thing. Jon finished up his rundown after that. Howard ended up talking more about the Jon Favreau stuff he got today. He said he may display that in a glass case. He said his cleaning woman is going to hate him for bringing more stuff in to dust. Howard said he's going to learn the Klingon so he can insult people in the language.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth has ever gone to a sex toy party with her friends. Howard said she isn't into sex toys and she's never gone to one. He said they had a vibrator but she wasn't into it so they got rid of it.
Howard said he just has to stare at Beth to get hard. He said he's just looks and gets hard. That's not gay at all. Robin said that the sex toys would be for her though, not for Howard. Howard said he knows that. He just thinks about how awful it would be for the woman. He said he has used toys before and he can vibrate and bang at the same time since his penis doesn't take up that much room.
Robin brought up the picture of Anna Paquin on the cover of Rolling Stone and how she was naked with the two guys. Howard said he really likes her. He said she's sexy. He said he didn't think she was that hot until she became Sookie on True Blood. He said she's got great titties. He said Robin would laugh at them but they're cute to him. Robin said she envies women with small breasts. Howard said she seems too serious in interviews though. He said she's always got a big puss on her face.
Robin read about Michael Jackson being the most downloaded artist of all time. Robin said she hopes Michael Morales (High Pitch Mike) is happy today. Robin said that his popularity has been revived with the anniversary of his death coming up.
Robin read a story about a toilet that was in John Lennon's house being auctioned off. Robin said that it sold for about $14,000. Howard said he wouldn't buy it unless they could prove he wrote a song on it. Howard said he saw that they sold the original Day in the Life thing for like a million. Robin said that Lennon owned the toilet from 1969-1972. That led to Howard talking about how nutty Elvis was. He was talking about how he used to wear a cape out in public and things like that. Howard also talked about how nutty Michael Jackson was and how he spent all of his money even though he had billions.
Robin read about Sandra Bullock working down in New Orleans. Howard said she should be working on rebuilding her own life. Robin had some audio of Bullock talking about what she's doing down there. Robin said she's also adopted a young boy from the area. Howard said he's pretty sure he could have had Sandra. He said he heard from Betty Thomas that Sandra found him cute.
Robin read about a dog that was born with both male and female reproductive organs. She said the dog has ended up with a new owner. Robin said they gave the dog surgery so it's now an altered male. Howard said that some humans are born like that and they end up cutting off the penis. Then the guy grows up feeling like a dude with no penis. Howard said they should wait and see what the kid is going to be like before cutting it off. Robin read some more details about the dog and how the decided to do the surgery. Howard said when he was born they thought that he was a girl... and a mongoloid.
Robin read about a guy who was attacked by a goat and ended up dying. He was paralyzed by the goat that attacked him. The attack went on for an hour before the guy was able to call 9-1-1.
Robin read about Boston University and asked Howard if he's proud of his alma mater or not. Howard said he's got mixed feelings. He did like it when he was there. He said it was kind of depressing but the education was good... but not really. He said they didn't really teach him anything about doing radio there. Robin asked why he's so proud then. Howard said it gave him a sense of having something to do. He said he has mixed emotions about the whole thing so he'll just leave it at that. Howard said they keep wanting to meet with him too but he figured that would end up costing him more money.
Robin read about David Letterman going back to his school and talking to someone about social media. Letterman has a series of lectures he's doing at Ball State. Robin said he's apparently set up a whole series now. Howard said he figured Dave was doing it enough on the TV show. He said he must want to get out of the house. He said there are a lot of young girls at that school. He said he'd keep an eye on him while he's there. Howard said Dave is a pisser. He thought Dave hated doing his show but now he's doing shows for college kids. He's pretty sure Beth wouldn't let him do that if he wanted to. Howard imagined what that conversation might be like with Beth. Howard said that he can't believe Dave's wife is letting him go. Howard wondered what Dave is up to there. He said he does love Dave. He hates Leno and loves Letterman.
Robin got back to her news and read story about a Forbes list about the most bankable stars in Hollywood. Howard asked if it was Johnny Knoxville. Robin said it wasn't him. Robin said that it's not Adam Sandler, George Clooney, Eric the Actor or anyone like that. It was Shia LaBeouf. Howard said it must have been The Gute at some point. Robin had no idea who he was talking about. Howard said it was Steve Gutenberg. He said he was a big star for a while there. Robin said that Anne Hathaway was second on the list. Daniel Rattclif was also on the list at number 3. Robert Downey Jr. was number 4. Kate Blanchette and Jennifer Aniston were also on the list.
Robin read about how Tiger Woods has moved to Manhattan. Howard said they should introduce him to Little Lupe when she's in. Robin said that he was spotted introducing himself to his new neighbors the other day.
Robin read about how James Cameron is upset with Piranha 3D because it reminds him of bad 3D movies.
Robin read that Johnny Mathis is going to be 75 years old at the end of September. He's putting out a new album too. She said it's a country album.
Robin read about Roger Clemens pleading not guilty to the charges of lying to congress. Robin had some audio of some people who think that he will serve time.
Robin read about the troops being pulled out of Iraq and how they're working to get all of them out of there by December of 2011.
Robin read about the recent egg recall and what they found at the farm that the salmonella outbreak started at. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about what they found.
Robin read a story about the daughter of Rudy Giulianni who is in court today over some charges of shoplifting. Robin said that she may have shoplifted $150 worth of cosmetics from a Sephora store.
Robin had some audio of George Clooney talking about his new movie ''The American.'' Howard cut the clip off after a few seconds. Howard said he likes the idea of this new movie though. He said he will go see it.
Robin had a clip of the director who was talking about working with Clooney. The guy had an accent so Howard wondered what it would be like being directed by that guy. He said this was a boring fuck. Howard said he'd like to know who the publicist is who let him out to talk. He said he'd keep the guy away from the press. Howard goofed on the guy for a couple of minutes doing an impression of him.
Robin had some audio of Drew Barrymore talking about her new movie. Howard said she's looking good to him lately. Howard didn't last too long with the audio clip before he was picking apart everything she was saying about her co-star, Justin Long. Robin had another clip of her talking about Christina Applegate. Howard let that one play through.
Robin had a story about a new Resident Evil movie. She said it's coming soon to theaters. Howard said he's seen the other 3. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about why the movie is going to be a must see movie. This one is in 3D. Howard said he thinks he's done with the series. He's seen the three and Mila needs to wear better clothes.
Howard had some audio of Janet Jackson talking about a movie she's in. Howard said it sounds like Michael is back. Her voice is very similar to Michael's.
Robin read that Lindsay Lohan was pulled over this weekend after rolling through a stop sign. Robin said a cop gave her a warning and let her go. Howard said they should take away her license. Robin said the Paparazzi caught a few seconds of it on video. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
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Jon took a call from a woman who said that Gary defends Howard on so many levels and he really does think he should get something from Howard. Gary said he really doesn't want the foreword. He said that would be an enormous imposition on Howard. He said he knows that. Gary said he figured a one line blurb wouldn't be that big of a deal. The caller said she thinks that Howard should just do it and Robin should just shut up. The caller had also mentioned that Robin was going to ask Howard to write the foreword to her book when Greg asked him to do his. Gary asked Jason to pull that clip so they can play it tomorrow. Gary said he has the feeling that Ralph might be behind Howard getting so upset with him. He said he has that sense.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she gets that Fitzsimmons had to ask for the book deal but she agrees with Gary that Howard wouldn't have an issue with the blurb if Greg hadn't asked for the foreword. Gary said that asking was fine but it may have been bad timing. Jason said that Howard was begging Greg to call him up and drop it. He said Greg just wouldn't drop it and let him off the hook. He said that might be what caused the problems. Jason said that Greg has been a big bitch about the whole thing lately. He was blaming Tim for putting the note on Howard's console and that didn't help. Gary said that Greg did give it to Tim and Tim should have given it to him and not put it on the console.
Gary said that Howard has always hated when they just drop stuff in his area there. They've had that problem before. Jason said he thinks that Greg should have dropped the whole thing early on and this wouldn't have been a problem.
Jason said that Greg obviously doesn't care about getting a personal message from his hero. He just wants to use his name on the book. He said that using that rant is disingenuous. The caller agreed with Jason on this. Jason said he likes this woman. She said that Greg really does just want to use Howard's name. All of the guys liked the caller, Bobbie. They told her to call back again.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard isn't very supportive of Gary's book. He said he's not supportive with anything. He asked if Howard has ever pulled him aside and asked if he's happy. Gary said he has congratulated him on the book and things like that. He doesn't do it every day but he has done it.
Jon took some more phone calls and let the fans comment on the blurb and book foreword stuff. One guy said that Greg did give Howard the chance to say no to him and he didn't say no. Jason said there are things that you just know about your friends and it was so obvious that Howard didn't want to do that foreword. He said that Greg should have seen that and dropped it.
Gary said that some people think that they're closer to Howard than they are. He said that Howard is very nice to guests on the show during the commercial breaks and he'll tell them to come back again. He said he knows that they're never going to come back again though.
Jason said that Howard does like people on the air and that's the bond they have. That's what Howard and Greg have. Gary said that he's the one who has to be the bad guy and tell people that they're not allowed to come back after Howard tells them they can.
Jason said that Richard Jeni was one of the guys who Gary had to say no to. Jason was laughing and said that Gary killed Richard Jeni. He said that he turned Jeni down just two nights before he killed himself. Jason said he got a note saying that Richard had called him so he tried calling back. Jason said that he called back and said that he had to make that call telling him they were passing on him that time. A day later the guy shot himself. Jason said that he thinks that they basically killed the guy. He was laughing the whole time though. Jon said he was a sick man.
Jon played a clip of Howard and Greg talking about the book foreword and came to the agreement to use the transcript of the rant Howard went on as the foreword.
After that Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to love the ''Wahhh'' that Artie would do during stuff like this. He said that it's getting a little old now though. Jon said that they'll take a break based on that call then.
Gary and Jon talked about the last time Dave Lampert was in and how much people loved it. They're hoping it works out the way it did last time but even better. Gary said that Will said to him off the air that if Lupe jumps off that thing Dave is going to shit a brick.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has some annoying things he says all the time. Gary said those are just little idiosyncrasies he has. He said everyone has them. Jon said that Howard is usually done with them if you point them out.
Shuli came in and said that he picked up ''at the end of the day... '' from Gary and his wife has noticed. Gary said he knows he does that. He has some others that he does too.
Another caller asked if Benjy is coming back tomorrow. Gary said it might be next week or the week after. It is coming up soon though. They gave him a few months off to the day so it should be coming up soon. Jon said that Benjy may not even want to come back to the show.
Gary said Richard gave him those clips like a month ago so it's been a long wait. He said that Richard had been asking if Howard had listened to them yet and he was doing that like every other day. He didn't get upset though because he knows how much work he put into it. Richard said he pulls like 1000-1500 words from those tapes to turn into sentences.
Gary asked about why Peter North kept coming up. Richard said there are a lot of fans of his. He said the movies are funny because he shoots such huge loads on the women that they have no idea what's coming and they struggle to breath and things when they're sprayed. Richard said that he heard that he has those loads from eating a lot of celery. He said he tried that but he ate peanut butter with it so that may have stopped it up a bit.
Richard said he went to meet Peter North one time and Jenna Jameson was there and he didn't care about Jenna. He said that Peter was selling all kinds of stuff for people to take to make bit loads. He said it was awesome to meet the guy. He said they ended up going out to celebrate after. He said they spent like a month talking about the guy after that.
Richard said he wanted to hang out with Peter but they never did get the chance. He said Sal has a friend who is close to Peter so next time he's out in California he's going to go out to dinner with him. Shuli asked Richard if he'd let North shoot a rope on his face. Richard said ''absolutely not.'' He said he wants to remember the guy shooting ropes on women's faces. He said he's not looking to have it done to him.
Jon asked Richard if he's looking forward to Gary's audio book. Richard said he really is. He said that Gary has said some funny stuff on the show before so he loves getting those clips. He said Sal had a great idea where they're going to make Gary sound like a genius instead of making him sound dumb.
The guys brought up the Iron Man Mask that Howard got today. They were wondering how ''real'' it was and if Robert Downey Jr. ever wore it. They said that it could have been one of like 50 that were made for the movie and it may have never been worn.
Steve Brandano said that it was a hunk of junk that anyone could buy at a store. He told Howard to just throw it in the garbage. He said that they're probably like 100 bucks at the stores. Richard did an impression of Steve that sounded nothing like him. He said that's his entry into the Staff Impression contest.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard what Peter North's secret is for the amount of stuff he shoots. Richard said that Peter says he won't reveal his secret until the day he retires. Richard said he thinks it's hereditary. He doesn't think that just anyone can do it.
Shuli talked about the story he told to Howard where he caught the guy bad mouthing him to his wife. He said that was the highlight of his weekend.
Jon took a call from a guy who explained the whole ''The Situation'' story to the guys since they weren't clear on where the nickname came from. The guy basically said that his abs are what he named ''The Situation.'' Richard said he loves that show and that guy took his shirt off in front of the store to get more customers at an ice cream store. It worked too.
Another caller said that Gary is completely wrong and he gave Robin and Howard the wrong information. Gary said he knows, he gets it. He said he was wrong. The caller said that he was making Howard look bad. The caller just kept going off on Gary about that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he only has about 3 1/2 months left there at SIRIUS. Howard said that should be enough after that. He said he's of the thought that he's going to be gone in 3 1/2 months. Robin asked what that means. Howard said he's not sure a deal is going to be made. He said they'll have to see what happens but the attitude there isn't what it used to be.
Howard mentioned that they have some stuff on Howard TV coming up soon. He said Benjy went by the set of ''30 Rock'' recently and one of the trailers said Tracy Morgan on it so he ran up to it banging on the door telling them that he was in Tracy's life and he had to see him. They threw Benjy out and then he went over and started eating food over at the Craft Services table. They asked him to leave again. Then some security people came over and asked him to leave. Benjy kept saying that he's in Tracy's life but he never got to see him.
Robin said that's very dangerous to do. She said there used to be a guy who said he was related to her and it was frightening. She said that maybe he'll recognize him but maybe not. Benjy could get into some trouble.
The Howard TV guys played the audio of Benjy going up to the trailer and knocking on his door. The trailer was right out on the street. Benjy was asked to leave so he started yelling about how he's in his life. He told them to ask Tracy about him being in his life.
Robin said that is not a good thing to do. She said his safety is in question when he does that. Benjy said he had Lisa G with him. They didn't have a camera crew with them. They just had a cell phone camera taping it. Howard said the phone is a pretty good camera. Benjy said it was an Android X. Gary said that's Verizon's answer to the iPhone. Howard said it was just about broadcast quality. He was impressed with the microphone and the video.
Benjy said that Scott noticed that it was shot on something other than a camera. Robin said it was pretty good. Howard said that will be on Howard TV soon.
Howard said Howard TV is going to have that up soon. He said they've told him that they haven't had that many naked women in there lately. He said it may have something to do with him being content in his relationship or that he's grown up that he doesn't have to see naked women in there now. He said maybe he's just gay. Howard said he gets laid on a regular basis and that's good for America. He said Beth is providing a service. Robin said she's serving her country.
Howard said he thinks that Obama is doing hat he can but it's not that easy. He said he is winding down the troops in Iraq but that's going to be tough. Howard said he thinks that both sides are always going to be disappointed with Obama no matter what he does.
Robin said they over hyped Obama with the whole ''change'' thing. She said it was a crazy thing to buy into in the first place. She said that people don't want to make things better and deal with stuff. She said they just want it to change overnight. That just doesn't happen.
Howard said they'd have to take over the government to make something change overnight. Everyone tries to go toward the middle instead. He said you just can't win. He said that he may just be a one term president though. He said the election is 2 years away but there are no republican candidates popping up. He said that Sarah Palin could never win. He said she's just interested in making money. She's turned into a celebrity.
Howard said he thinks that Obama and Joe Biden get along but it's a thankless, horrible job that they have to do. Howard said he thinks that a guy like Tom Cruise has more power to get things done than Obama does. He said he would never envy the president.
The caller asked if they have the Jimmy Fallon thing on tape so they can hear it. Howard said some of it was very physical. He said it's something you have to see. It was like a fun moment being in Jimmy's living room. He said it came off being unrehearsed. Howard told JD to pull the tape and he'd see if it works on radio.
Howard said he was somewhat embarrassed yesterday. He said that Jon Favreau sent him the Iron Man stuff after he gave him a hard time about not sending props from the movie to him. He said Jon was very appreciative of him promoting the movies and having him on the show. Howard said he sent him a toy a while back and it was very nice of him to do that but he ended up giving it to Jason because he felt it was kind of lame. he said it was too much of a toy for him.
Howard said he said that on the air and Favreau was listening so he sounded like a shit to Jon. He said Jon sent him some more stuff from the movie. He had the ''Senator Stern'' sign that was on the desk in the movie. Howard said Jon claims he named that character after him. Howard said he also sent him a head of Iron Man and he thinks it was built for the movie. Howard said he's taking that it appeared in the movie. He's not sure about that. Howard said he brought it home yesterday and displayed it in his office at home. He cleared a space on a shelf and put it on a wooden tissue box. He said he put the Senator Stern plaque below it. He said he's really excited about it. He asked his cleaning woman to be very careful with that stuff.
Howard said he has the feeling it's very important stuff. He said it doesn't feel like it's made of iron but he doesn't want to fuck it up. He said it's obviously made of plastic. He said he's like a 4 year old with that stuff. He was looking at it and enjoying it. Then Beth told him to call Jon Favreau. He didn't have his number though. He said Gary had his email but no number.
Howard said Jon must think he's a real shit. He said he thought the other gift was inappropriate and he said if he was going to send him something, it should be from the movie. He said he didn't tell him he had to send him anything though. Howard said he wrote Jon a note thanking him for the props. He said he doesn't know where to send it though. He said he knows this guy and doesn't even have his number. Howard said he had dinner with him once when he was just acting. He said it was before he was doing these Iron Man movies. He said he had dinner with him and Famke Jansen.
Howard said he really likes this Iron Man head he got. He said he was admiring it yesterday. He feels silly doing that. He said he doesn't even have anything from his own movie ''Private Parts.''
Howard said there was a tape on the internet where Jimmy and Jim Breuer did dueling Ozzy's and it was great. Howard said it was really fun to watch them going back and forth. He said they're really good at doing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if his dad called about the Seinfeld interview. Howard said it's really weird talking to his dad because he's so into Seinfeld. He asks him about the show all the time and he doesn't even watch. Howard said it's all Seinfeld related discussions. He said it's kind of creepy in a way. Howard said he must watch the show all the time. He said he'll watch it wherever it is and whenever it's on.
Howard said he told Jerry that there's no reason to do another sitcom after doing that one because Seinfeld was such a hit. Howard said Alan Alda had MASH and he didn't come back and do another one after that.
Howard said that his dad will bring up Seinfeld in any discussion he has with him. He said he must lay in bed and watch the show all the time. He seems to have it all memorized. Howard said his dad doesn't care about Jerry Seinfeld the guy. He only cares about the actual show. He said it's really weird but that's the way he is. He said his dad would even say that if he asked him.
The caller asked Howard if he would ever help out Jim Breuer with his Goat Boy character like Jerry is doing with Colin Quinn. Howard jokingly said he's actually in the process of working on a Goat Boy musical. Howard said he's not sure he could help Breuer. He said he doesn't do that kind of thing. He said he might be able to help someone work on their show but he's not sure about that.
Howard said he's thinking about Bob Schimmel because he helped him out. He said he has spoken with his daughter but that was private. He said he has his fingers crossed that he'll be okay. He said he has been called in to help people shape stuff up like with Bob.
Howard read the article and they mentioned that Richard Gere was at the party. Howard said the guy hugged Tommy's wife and left. He wasn't even there that long. Howard said he went to the party and hung around for a while. Howard said that it's insulting to leave after 2 minutes. Howard said they listened Beth as Beth Ostrosky. He said she's not Beth Ostrosky anymore. She's Beth Stern. He said he's pissed about that.
Howard said Beth is going to be on FOX News this morning. He said she's got some dogs at the North Shore Animal League whose owner died over in Afghanistan. He said that's why they have to end this war over there. He said they're like roaches over there and they have to get our troops out. He said it's a no-win situation.
Howard said Beth comes home and tells him the stories she has from the North Shore and they're really depressing. He said he loves that she does what she does but the stories are awful. He said that some guy has an English Bulldog and he has to give it up because he has a kid now. Howard said the dog was so attached to the owner that it has an anxiety attack when the owner leaves it at the North Shore. Howard said they had to bring it to the hospital. Howard said the owner never even called to find out how the dog was doing. Howard said these stories make him crazy. He said the dogs have real attachment issues. He said they're like babies. Howard wondered how you just say goodbye to your best friend like that.
Howard read an article about a guy who jumped off a roof from the 43rd floor. He said that's just wrong. He hates people who do stuff like that. They can hurt other people doing things that way. He said Artie did it in a way that didn't hurt anyone else. He said he hates that Artie did that but he didn't try to take anyone else out when he attempted suicide. Howard said these people who jump from buildings don't think of anyone but themselves. Howard said you don't have to kill anyone else when you do that.
Benjy told Howard that he was right about the Perez Hilton story. He said that he once had a girl who kept coke in her vagina. He said he was fingering her and he found the bag in there. Howard said there are some women who hate being fingered and they just want you to put your cock in there. Howard asked if Robin likes to be fingered. Robin said anything can be fun.
Gary gave Howard the Perez Hilton story so Howard read that. He said that she has some friends who have told him the story. Robin wondered how it fell out when the cops pulled her over.
Howard said that they have to stop worrying about these small amounts of cocaine. He said she's just using it for personal use. He said that it's a one way losing street, or something like that, and it seems like a waste of time but a cop shouldn't be wasting his evening busting her over it.
Howard said that this Roger Clemens is another mess. He said the guy volunteered to testify to Congress and now he's in trouble for lying to them about steroid use. Howard said some people must feel there is justice in that but there is no justice in this world when people are being stoned for having affairs in other parts of the world.
Howard said he had a story about this guy Leon Black who wanted him at SIRIUS. He said he walked into his home and Leon said to him that he collects art and he looks at Howard Stern like art. He wants to buy a da Vinci and he was the da Vinci. The caller asked what they're going to replace Howard and Bubba with. Howard said they won't replace them. He said they never know what to do when he leaves. Howard said he is not replaceable. He said he proved that when he left terrestrial radio.
Howard said it's a very simple process. He said they either get it or they don't. He said he's done fucking around now. He isn't going to do that anymore. Howard said it's really simple how the world works now. He said they don't have to play any games. He said he can sit there on the radio and keep people tuned in for hours on end.
Howard said they did studies when he was on terrestrial and they found that people would sit and listen for hours on end. He said with his show people sit and listen and he's not even sure how it happens. He said somehow he can do it though. He said he can sit and tell people about making a movie called ''Footless'' and people will listen for hours. He said he listens to the show when he's driving home and he loves it. He said he loves listening to himself.
Robin said she was listening to the show with some people in a car and she was laughing at the show and hearing herself laugh on the show.
Howard said without him, that place becomes a very dull place. Howard said it's pretty remarkable what he's accomplished there. He said that maybe it's time to stop the momentum. Howard said they have to stop the games with him. He said he knows what he wants and that's it. He said that he's done with the bullshit and they could keep him if they stop with the games.
Howard said he knows what's going on there. He said they spend money on the NFL like people can't get it anywhere else. He said the stuff is on TV and everywhere else and they're still paying for it. Howard said he knows what the future is going to be. He said he told XM that they would be out of business if they didn't hire him. He said that they all laughed at him. He said his agent said that they didn't think he knew what he was talking about. Howard said he's been a complete innovator and those 5 morons, who are no longer with the company, were sitting there and laughing. Howard said that they thought it was a joke that he was going to go to SIRIUS. He said they were arguing that their repeaters were better. Howard said none of that matters. He said he warned them that they were going down.
Howard said this guy Leon begged the guys at XM to hire him. He said they didn't do it. Howard said he knew his fans would come with him and help build up SIRIUS. Howard said they were asking the fans to do a lot to get the show though. He knew that but it worked out. Howard said that this is no small feat that he did this. He said if they don't understand that then he's out of there in 3 and a half months. They're busy spending money on the NFL. He said they have to stop insulting him.
Howard said he told those guys at XM that they could have crushed SIRIUS if they had hired him. He said they were smart enough at SIRIUS to hire him. He said that familiarity breeds contempt though and that's what's going on there. Howard said they had better romance him to win him over. Howard said he's not going to sit there for bullshit. He said they've got to be kidding him with that. Howard said they have to kiss his balls every day.
Howard took a call from Bobo so he could change the subject. Howard was still hung up on the whole SIRIUS thing and he figures that they look at him like he didn't do anything there.
Howard said he ran into Mad Dog Russo yesterday and he thinks he may need a restraining order. He said he's crippled by him shaking his hand. Howard said he tried to do the power fist thing but Russo has a fragile ego so he had to shake his hand. He said he may have broken his pinkie. He said he told Russo that he has to take it easy when he shakes his hand. Howard said he ruined his day with that hand shake. Howard wondered what he was proving by shaking so hard. Howard said he doesn't get the whole hand shake thing. He said it's like a power play or something. He said that he can't move his hand today because of that.
Bobo asked Howard what it would take for him to sit in the studio during a Billy Joel interview. Howard said he's not interviewing Billy. He said that Lisa G was asking him if he would do the show and he said yes. They're not going to ask Billy to do the show. Howard said he knows the guy personally and he would feel funny calling him to do the show. He said if Billy wants to come on the show then he can call and ask.
Howard said he could never have Bobo in there if he did interview Billy Joel. He said that it would be very uncomfortable because he'd be staring at him with that wig on his head. Gary said that's the way Ringo looked at Vinnie Favale.
Gary said that Billy may want to come in sometime in October. Howard said he's not going to have Bobo in there. He said he can't do that to Billy. He said he would be distracted by that toupee. He said he'd have to tell Billy that there was a presence in there that was bigger than all of them and it would be the toupee.
Howard said Vinnie Favale (HereAfterMusical.com) sent him some clips of Dave interviewing Michael Douglas about his throat cancer. He said now he's thinking he has throat cancer. He said he starts to think he has cancer in other areas too. Howard said the interview was good but he doesn't want to see sick people being interviewed. He said that Douglas told Dave what was going on with him and he wasn't trying to hide it. He said that it's stage 4 cancer and that's pretty serious. Robin said that is very serious. She wondered how he missed it for that long. Howard said he's not sure. Howard said the guy still looks good. He had a sore throat that wouldn't go away and after a few doctors they found he had cancer. He's in the middle of chemo now. Howard said the guy was a big smoker though. He said that'll do it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back saying that he wouldn't be able to BBM people if he switched to a Droid phone. Howard said he can't BBM with Tim anymore because he keeps changing his phone. Robin asked why he changes so often. Howard said he's not sure. He said Tim carries more phones than anyone.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that they will follow him wherever he goes. She said that they're going wherever he goes. Howard said that's good to know. She said that he has 51 days left there. She mentioned that Jim McClure is over in Russia and he's listening to the show over there. Howard cut her off and said that she may be following him home if he leaves there.
Howard said that Robin is doing the Twitter thing lately too. He said that she's tweeting every thought now. He read some of those tweets from @rqui. He said he couldn't believe the one that says ''Judge food and wine, not people.'' Robin said she was out in Napa judging wine when that thought crossed her mind. Howard said she also tweeted ''There's nothing like a good foot massage.'' He said she must have been drunk when she did that.
Howard read some of the other tweets about a gift bag she got at some event she went to. Robin said she got some free stuff for herself and some for Howard. She said she got a watch for herself and one for Howard. Howard said they should send her to more of those things. Robin said they said that they saw that Howard had admired a watch that Tom Arnold wore one time so they were going to give Howard one of them. Howard said that sounds nice. He'll have to check it out.
Robin said she got an hour on a private jet in the gift bag. Howard said that sounds pretty cool. He said he heard that for the last 5 years Robin has been forgetting her card to get into the compound. Robin said she has to borrow it like 4 times a day at the most. Howard said she has to keep her card with her. Robin said she leaves it in other bags. Howard said she should figure out a way to make it work.
Howard said he always has his card on him but he never uses it. He said he can't loan it to Robin because it's a pain in the ass to take it out of his bag.
Lisa said Benjy did some stuff on FOX News too. Benjy was dancing on camera and he was kicking his leg in the air like a crazy person. The cop told him he had to stop. Benjy said he was doing a dance that was dangerous according to the cop. Howard said the poor cops have to deal with Benjy.
Lisa said that they almost got thrown out for the ''30 Rock'' thing too. Howard asked Benjy if he was showing off for Lisa. Benjy said that may have amped it up a bit. He said it may not have even been that obvious. Lisa said that he'll do this stuff with any girl he's with so any girlfriend would have to put up with that all the time.
Howard said he'd like to see Benjy's dance. Benjy said he needs a shoulder. He got up and did the dance and Howard said he's never seen that dance before. He said it wasn't a dance. Benjy said it was. Howard told him to get away from him.
Lisa said she went back to the trailer and found Tracy. She said she has audio for Howard to play. Howard played the clip and Tracy was saying that he loves Benjy and he loves Howard Stern. He said if Howard was a super hero, he would be the leader. Robin said it would have been great if Tracy had opened his door and said ''Benjy!'' and invited him in.
Lisa said they have a story about a cook who was out filming segments with Robin over their vacation. Lisa said that they're going to put out some video of what they shot but they're not sure where yet.
Howard said he's trying to find Robin a husband and they're having meetings over it. He said they need to keep Robin busy somehow. Howard said he really is on a project. He said he's met with people who have set people up and things have worked out. Howard said he has rejected all of the candidates so far though. Robin mentioned that she cooked the beet soup that this guy Gavin taught her to make. Howard said he's not interested in having that soup. Robin said it's delicious.
Lisa said they have a story about Gary starting a 28 day cleanse after labor day. He's going to stop drinking alcohol and eating sugar. Robin said that the idea that he's doing that is very interesting. Gary said he did it one other time. He did that last year and lost 30 pounds. Gary said he eats actual food while he's on the cleanse. Robin said that's what she does too. Gary said he's just trying to lose weight. Howard said that is no cleanse. He said he's just on a diet. Gary said that's true too. Robin said the word ''cleanse'' has become a buzz word. that's what they call diets these days.
Howard said he told Gary that it's no cleanse. He's just cutting out a couple of things from his diet. Gary insists that it's a cleanse. Howard said everyone thinks they're on a cleanse.
Howard said Gary is like a chick getting ready for a wedding. He said that his book (They Call Me Baba Booey) is coming out and he's trying to look good. He said he still can't believe they gave him a book deal. Howard did his Gary impression and told some of the stories that he tells in that book. Howard said Gary is freaking out that the book won't sell. Howard said that they'll take care of that. He said he'll make sure people get the book around there. He said it's the greatest book ever from what he's seen. He said they're going to have so many great quotes.
Howard asked Gary about doing the audio book. Gary said he was taping from 1 to 6:30 and he only did 100+ pages out of over 200. Gary said that it's worse than going to the dentist. Howard said he started to do an audio book for his book but he bailed on it after an hour. Artie did an audio book but he used some of his friends like Bob Levy to read it. He said that was the greatest thing when he had Bob Levy reading it.
Gary said he has some pictures that he wants to put in the book. He said he had to put one of him and Fred in there. Howard said he looks at those old pictures and doesn't want anything to do with it. Howard told Gary that he can use the picture if he cuts him out. Gary said that he doesn't look good in these pictures. Howard told Gary that Robin and Artie looked good in another one. He said he'll give Gary that if he really wants it. He said he just wants him off his back.
Howard said he doesn't want to be involved with this book at all but he'll let him use the pictures. Gary said he didn't want to keep nagging Howard along the way. He said he figured he'd wait until the last minute.
Gary said yesterday was the first of four sessions to record his audio book. Howard said that people aren't going to believe this book. He said he can't believe people are going to care. He said that he's not sure who is going to buy Greg Fitzsimmons book either. Howard said he got some of the audio of him going off on Greg and Greg is going to use those as the foreword for his book. He said he felt number 2 of the 3 was the best of the rants.
Howard said he can't believe Gary wrote a book. He said he thinks the fans will have fun goofing on the book. He said he may have to option it for the film rights. Howard said he could do a feature film about the story of Baba Booey. He wonders if they could have Gary play Baba Booey.
Gary said they did a story about making it into a movie and the people in the office were talking about who they think he looks like and it was a real eye opener.
Howard said he may option the story to make a movie. Gary said he had some interest from David Permit. Gary told Howard he may have to get on line.
Howard thought about who could play Gary in the movie. He said that there are some people out there with big teeth that could play the part. Robin asked if they had to have big teeth. Howard said they could make some fake teeth. Robin said they should get someone like Nicolas Cage to do it. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said he and Beth had sex last night. After they were done he had to flush his rubber down the toilet. Robin said that doesn't sound good for the environment. Howard said it's just one guy with a rubber. He said it's full of his disgusting load. He said he had his apartment done over and they installed water efficient toilets. He said they have two buttons for flushing. He said they have one for when you pee. He said he never uses that one. The bigger one is for when you take a big dump. He said there is so little water in the bowl that you leave doody remnants on the side of the bowl. He said he shoves his hand in there to wipe the bowl so his cleaning lady doesn't have to do it.
Howard said his rubbers don't go down even when he flushes with the big flush. He said he really hates these toilets he has. He said he ends up flushing like 50 times to get the stuff to go down. He said they say that it's a legal thing that they have to put those toilets in. Howard said he should just shit in a bag and throw it out the window instead.
Howard said Beth was asking where he was last night and he was busy trying to flush the condom. He said he just kept filling it up with water with every flush. He said he should tape it next time it happens so he can put it on Howard TV. That's his next assignment. He said it's like a puffer fish getting bigger and bigger. He said it just swirls around and doesn't go down.
Howard said the toilet looks tiny like an airplane toilet or something. He said Jimmy Kimmel said he has a toilet that shoots water in your ass. He said he should have gotten one of those.
Howard said he's having all kinds of problems with the bathroom. He said he has mirrors that are cracking around the handles. He said that the guys who installed them say that he has to call the mirror guy. Howard said they should have some kind of warranty or something.
Howard said he had lights in the apartment that were installed in such a way that he had to call a painter every time they changed a bulb. The would damage the paint every time they changed the bulb. He said it's weird logic that they do that kind of thing and then make you pay. He said then they use you for a recommendation and that's just weird. He said they did a good job overall but there are problems. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said they should all get together and figure out what the problem is with the mirrors. He said at some point you just get resentful. Howard said he's sure that Chuck Zito's work gets done right. They probably rush right over to fix problems like a cracked mirror. Howard said he needs chuck to live in his apartment to get that stuff done. Howard said he never had these kind of problems with the house. He said it's only with the apartment. Howard said he did have a punch list at the house but once that was fixed, nothing else has happened. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said his wife stopped by. He told her that she was in the paper as ''Beth Ostrosky'' instead of Beth Stern.
Beth was over at FOX and Friends so she was close by. Howard asked how it went. Beth said that it went pretty well. She told the story about the dogs she had with her and how their owner was killed in Afghanistan. She said the dogs are completely housebroken and they need a good home. She said it's a tough story. Howard said he told Robin earlier about what they do at the North Shore with the soldier's pets if they die over there. Howard said this poor guy is gone and now his pets have to be placed somewhere.
Beth asked Howard if he told the story about the sock. Howard said he didn't tell that one. He said the stories get to be too much. Beth said she had a story about a 2 year old dog that the owner though twas allergenic to food. It turns out the dog ate a sock and it was wrapped around her intestines. The sock was in there for over a year. Beth said there was another story about a family that gave up a dog because they had a baby. That was the dog with separation anxiety.
Howard wondered what's wrong with people. He said they piss him off when they do stuff like that. Howard said he has to hear the stories from Beth since she's a clearing house for that kind of thing. Beth said they did another rescue from a puppy mill and they have 70 plus dogs to place. She said they have some pappion puppies so she's going to call Brad and George Takei to find out if they want one.
Beth said she had to take Bianca to the vet today so she had to get going. Howard said the dog has an eye problem. She has to take the dog 2 hours to the vet. They don't trust anyone else with their dog.
Beth asked what his rubber story was. Howard said he was complaining about the toilets that they had put in that don't flush. Beth said she threw a bug in the toilet and thought she flushed it. It was still there this morning when she checked.
Howard said he was talking about the rubber that kept blowing up in the toilet and didn't flush down. He said if you make a doody in them you get skid marks in there. Beth doesn't doody that much so it's not a problem for her. Beth said that she isn't that regular but it's not every two weeks. Howard said he didn't know she was going every week. Beth didn't want to talk about it. She told him it was none of his business.
Howard said that's what happens when you get married. The wife starts to shit. Beth said they get fat and shit a lot. Howard told her he's thinking about shitting in a bag and throwing it out the window. She told him to shit in the cat's litter box.
Howard said they got this cat, Apple, and Beth has helped it out so much that she has all of her fur back. Beth said she's ready for another case. Howard said no way to that. He said he loves the cat but he sits and worries about the cat all day long. Beth said that Howard feels he has to baby sit them and he really doesn't have to. They're just there. Howard said if the cat gets outside then she's dead. He said that he's afraid that it's going to get out the dog door. Howard said that the cat is going to get out but Beth said the cat doesn't even know what it is.
Howard said he's not sure how that cat stayed in a cage for 6 months. Beth said that she's so lovable. She told Robin that Howard once called her into the bedroom just to see the cat staring at him. She said he thought it was so cute.
Howard said he fears for the cat because if she gets fleas then she might die. Robin said she used to fear that with her cats too. Howard said it drives him crazy. He said he has to yell at the kids to close the doors and stuff all the time. Robin said that she locks her cats up in the bedroom when the doors are open.
Howard said that he's going to be a free man in three months. He said he can't wait. Beth said she was asked about that on FOX. She said she told them that he has a lot of offers in front of him right now. Howard said she shouldn't say that.
Howard said he and Beth had sex last night. Beth said that she thought Howard had hurt her last night. Howard said he tried pushing it in really hard and rammed it in there. Beth thought he had hurt her. Howard played some of Nick Manning porn clips and said that's what it sounded like. Howard said Beth almost needed a wheelchair to get over to FOX.
Beth asked if she said anything wrong over there at FOX. Howard said that he really wants to stay at SIRIUS if he can. He said it's fine what she said. He said he would like to stay there but he thinks that some of the people have forgotten who he is and what he did for them.
Howard asked Beth what she's going to do if he stays home all the time. He said she thought long and hard about that. Howard said Beth told him that she'd love it if he was home. He said okay to that. Howard said he thinks he'll be happy too. Beth said he keeps busy with TV and chess. Robin said he has a job to go back to though so that's his way to get his anger out. Beth said that if he's home then they'll have time to take care of the pets that they're going to adopt.
Howard said they'd be really busy with the pets if that happens. He said that Beth will be going to the vet and he'll be taking care of the rest of the animals. Fred played a bunch of animal sounds in the background as Howard was talking about that. Howard said they have to slow down with the animals. He said it's so enough for him already.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Fredericksburg, Virginia. Howard said he lived there for a while. Howard said it's a lovely place. The caller said he saw Beth on FOX and he liked the picture that she gave Howard that they put on the web. Howard said that really was a good picture. Beth said the picture was awful but it was the first shot she took. Beth said the naked one was tougher to take. She said that took a few tries.
The caller said they took their dog to a groomer that accidentally cut their dog's tongue when she tried to lick her while the scissors were cutting. She lost a tiny piece and they couldn't stop the bleeding. Howard said this is the kind of stories he hears all day. He said he's had to ask her to stop telling them.
A caller asked Beth if she'd let Howard watch her going to the bathroom. Howard said he has seen her pee a couple of times. He said that she would never let him see her making doody. Howard said that if he did that then she might leave him. He said that would be a weird fetish.
Beth told Howard that he has the best breath and he's always clean. Howard said he constantly has his regimen. He said he always has toothpicks and cleans his teeth constantly. He said he gets his teeth cleaned every 3 months. He said everyone does that. Howard said he uses mouthwash twice a day too. He said there are some stinky people in his life. He said hey have the worst breath on the planet. He said Robin has good breath. He said she's not on that list.
Howard said when you use mouthwash, you don't have any water involved. You have to keep the mouthwash in your mouth for 15 seconds at least. He said you expectorate and do that twice a day. Howard said you don't use water after that. Howard said he brushes at least twice a day too. Howard said Beth never has bad breath. He said she had it once and it was after they ate garlic.
The caller asked if Beth has ever seen Howard's doody. Beth said that she never has. She barely sees his ass because he shimmies out of bed and goes to the bathroom. She thinks that he has a beautiful penis too.
Beth said she had to get going to the vet. Howard said she looked good in that dress. She was trying to be conservative with the dress but Howard wondered how it could be conservative the way it was all cut out. Beth said they have a big night tonight because Ashley is coming over. She said that she and Ashley spend more time talking than Howard does. Beth said that they talk about hair and stuff like that. Howard said he just sits there while they talk. He said his kids think he doesn't know a thing. They just tune him out. He said he tries to give them advice but they don't listen.
Howard told Beth he wants to remarry her. Beth said they should wait until the 5th year. Howard said he wants to do it this year. Beth said that they should wait. She ran off a few seconds later. Howard said he really liked that dress. Fred played a bunch of animal sounds after she left. That was all of the pets that they were adopting.
Robin asked where they're going to put all of the other animals. Howard said they're not getting anymore. He said that they're done with the pet adoptions. Howard said they have quite the scene at his house. He really doesn't want anymore. He said that when Bianca passes, he's not sure how he's going to tell Beth he doesn't want another.
Howard said Eric is normal and he has goals. Robin said he expects everything from them because of that handicap. Howard didn't think that was the case. Howard said the guy never gives up. He admires his spirit. Robin said she admires that too but not all of the other stuff. She said he's not happy. Howard said he loves wrestling and girls and things like that. Howard said he would be defeated if he were in that condition.
Howard said Eric looks forward to throwing people off his tweet and stuff. Robin said Eric is ungrateful. Eric said he is not.
Eric asked if they would give him a chance at the VMA red carpet. Howard said he could probably get him in but he's not going to do it. He said he knows Eric will never do it. He said they'll get some shitty interviews from him.
Eric said that they never gave him the opportunity to do the interviews. Robin said he was a pain in the ass just trying to get him to do it. Howard said he's never going to ask their questions so it would be worthless. He said he had a hard time even getting Shuli to ask them. Howard said he has to think about this. Eric said they're coming up on the 12th of this month. Howard said he'll have to see if he can get a pass to the awards before he can offer it to him. He let Eric go after that.
Howard said he was talking about this guy ''The Situation'' yesterday and Gary came in and told him why the guy calls himself that. He said that Gary was wrong and a bunch of people wrote in to correct Gary on that. Howard read a few of those emails and the fans were upset with Gary over the whole thing.
Howard read some email about Dave Lampert calling in yesterday. Some people thought the guy was extra creepy yesterday when he was on the phone with Little Lupe.
Howard said that some people think he's a douche bag for not writing a blurb for Gary's book. Howard said he did approve one that Benjy wrote. Howard said they also say he's a douche bag for going back on his word with the Greg Fitzsimmons thing. Robin said that the fans were upset that Howard wasn't being good to Gary. Howard said he's so good to the guy that everyone should have a boss like him. Howard said he doesn't sit over his shoulder and make him stay there all day or anything. He said he doesn't fire him if he fucks up. He said he has given him a job for 30 years now. He said he didn't even fire him when he fell asleep on the job.
Howard said that he has provided a lot for Gary over the past 30 years. He said he's provided 5 year contracts time after time for him. Gary said he didn't have to move around the country either. He really appreciates that. Howard said Gary wouldn't even be in radio if he didn't give him a job. He said that the rest of the radio world doesn't have what they have there. He said that a lot of guys are going to be in for a wake up call when he leaves.
Howard said Gary would be busy working in a store pushing the schvoogie buzzer if he wasn't there. Robin and Howard asked if he had that story in the book. Gary said he didn't include that story. He said he's not sure how he left that one out.
Howard told the story about the schvoogie buzzer. Gary was working out on the floor and his boss would hit the button any time a black person would come into the store. Then Gary had to go to the front of the store to keep an eye on them.
Gary said they had codes with the buzz too. He said that one buzz was a couple of black people. Two buzzes was for a group of black people and then 3 buzzes was ''call the cops.'' Gary said that it was very obvious what was going on and the customers would look at him like there was nothing he could do if he wanted to. Gary said there was one guy who would follow them so close that it was like they were intimidating them to leave. Gary said that Ronnie was the one who told them what the name of the buzzer was. He said that he must have worked in a place that had one too.
Howard got back to the email and read about Shuli's story he told yesterday. They got a lot of positive feedback about that story.
Howard read about how Jewel was trending at number 2 on Google after he mentioned her. Howard said he got an email from her yesterday. He said he didn't even know she had his email. Howard said she should send him a topless picture.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to praise Shuli too. He said that he was great yesterday. He said he loves the guy and he's really interesting on the show. He said the guy is genuinely funny and he should sit in that chair. Howard said he has always said that he was good on the air. He said he's always liked the guy. Howard said he spots a lot of talented guys in the audience. The caller said he should team him up with some people. Howard said Shuli is on a bunch of shows and on the news.
Howard said that Steve got an interview with one of the guys from Jay and the Americans. Steve said he was just a producer for their stuff. Steve asked the question about selling crap to people in this economy. The guy went off on him saying he may not reach 29 asking questions like that. Then he asked which one of The Americans gave the best head. Steve said the guy grabbed the recorder out of his hand. Steve said he was freaking out because it had all of the other interviews on it.
Steve said he was out interviewing another guy and that guy came up to him again. Howard played that clip and you could hear the guy telling Steve he was going to end up getting slammed if he kept asking questions like that. Steve said he can't believe Jay put up with him that long. The guy was asking if he was looking to get his ass kicked. Steve told him that he's not going to stop doing the interviews. The guy wouldn't leave him alone and kept calling him an asshole. Then Steve brought up the fact that he produces for Howard Stern. Howard asked why he had to bring up his name. Steve said he just wanted the guy to leave him alone. The producer was asking if Howard Stern had sold 30 million records because he had. Steve said he didn't but he didn't seem to get what the point was.
Howard said that Steve did ask some good questions. Steve said he warmed them up with some softball questions first. Those were edited out.
Howard said that Steve was slurring his words in the clip and asked if he was drinking. Steve said he did have a couple to calm himself down. Howard said he used to have to do those interviews himself. He said he was at the Academy Awards doing interviews and he almost got his ass kicked too. He knows what Steve had to go through. He said he asked a question and this guy with an eye patch threatened him. He said that he was chasing people out of the room so he had to stop doing the interviews himself. He started sending Gary out to do them after that.
Robin said that Howard made one woman cry after her speech. Howard said that he may have. He didn't remember that though. Howard said he used to have to carry this huge tape recorder on his back. He said that Scott wasn't allowed to go with him because he only had one press pass. He said he had to bring the recorder out on his own.
Howard actually had the audio from the event he was talking about. He said this woman, Sharon Gless, was talking about the award she won. Then Howard asked her if she thinks they'll be talking about how long her speech was tomorrow. She got up and left after that. Howard said the question wasn't even that bad. He said she looked pained and she did leave crying. Howard said things got worse when he'd go out to ask questions. He said he wasn't even being that vicious.
Steve said that some people would give him a look and walk away. He said next time he's going to try not drinking before asking the questions. JD told Howard that he had a clip where they harassed Howie Mandel or something. Howard played that clip and it was an old show clip where Gary told Howard they were being pointed out in the room but he wasn't sure why. Howard talked about how tough it was to do those interviews. Gary told the story about the eye patch guy who said to Howard ''Why don't you take your experiment somewhere else?''
Howard had Wendy the Retard on the pone and said that she has almost the same IQ as KC. She said that was cool. Howard asked how she's doing. Wendy said she lost her puppy so she's not doing too good. She said the puppy went out the door.
Howard asked if she trained the dog. She said she did. Howard said she doesn't know how to do that. Wendy shits on the floor so her mom must have come home and found shit from both of them on the floor. Howard asked how old she is now. Wendy is 30. She said she eats all kinds of fast food so Howard figured that she must make a big mess when she makes a doody. Howard said that her mom must get mad at the dog when she shits on the floor and blames it on the dog.
Robin asked if she knew she had to walk the dog. Wendy said she did but she didn't want to do it because she likes to watch TV and do other things instead. Howard said it must be some scene in that house. He said Wendy isn't even potty trained.
Howard said he has a theory that Wendy has one of those efficient toilets so it makes more sense to just shit on the floor. He asked if she pees on the floor too. Wendy was saying yes to everything but then she said that she does miss the toilet sometimes. Wendy said she'll run into the walls if she gets up in the middle of the night. Howard asked how she misses the toilet being a girl. She just sits wrong and misses it. She doesn't bother wiping after going either. Robin said this sounds like a nightmare. Howard asked if she has rubber sheets. Wendy said she does. She said that she changes the sheets the next morning.
Howard asked how long the dog has been gone. She said that it's been gone since Sunday. The dog's name is Princess Jasmine. She said that's from a cartoon she watches. Howard said the dog is probably in hiding.
Wendy asked Howard if he had any money for her. She said that she's going nuts down there without her xBox 360. She said it's $300 and she needs money for games too. Robin asked if she had one before. She said she had a Playstation 2 before. She had to sell it to get money for something else. Wendy said she got 20 bucks for that. Howard said that person must have seen her coming.
Howard had Princess Jasmine on the phone. It was the guys in the back playing dog barking sounds. Howard asked the dog a few questions and Wendy talked to the dog like it was really her dog.
Howard gave Wendy $711 from 7-Eleven. Wendy thanked him for that and said that it will really help her out a lot. She said she goes there all the time too so she gets their Slurpees and stuff.
Gary said Wendy calls the office every day and says that they can't even eat. Gary said that Jason spoke to her mom and she said that none of that is true. They're not broke at all. Howard said that Wendy is retarded and doesn't know any better.
Wendy said that she tries to go on a diet but her brother eats her food. She said that she knows what to buy for her diet. Howard let her go while she was in the middle of talking about all of the healthy food she eats. Howard told Gary to tell her about her cleanse diet so they can have two retards doing it. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said they found that 1 in 4 strippers have a university degree. He said they take home a lot of money. The study was done in England so the breakdown was in pounds.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about Gary doing his recording sessions for his audio book. He said Gary showed up without his reading glasses. Steve said that Gary's book is at number 5,016 and Greg Fitzsimmons is at 90,000+.
Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric backing out of the challenge to his mother's will and he could be charged with contempt if he doesn't show up to court.
Steve said that Robin's Jeopardy episode re-aired last night and she tweeted about that when she found out that the episode was on. That's the one where she ended up leaving with $1.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard ended up asking him what he plans on doing if he leaves radio. Jon said he'd like to keep doing radio. He said they'll keep doing the Wrap Up Show if they can. Howard said that would be fine with him. Jon ran down the list of things they had to talk about on today's show.
Howard ended up talking about this show Animal Howarders that he saw. He said that they have some really kooky people who collect pets. One woman collects so many parrots that she has a lung disease from it. She has so much food around that she has rats eating it. She refused to let the exterminator get in there to kill the rats so she's living with the rats and parrots. Howard said it makes you feel so good about your life when you see these people. Howard talked about some of the other nutty pet people who have like 60 cats and things like that.
Howard said the Animal Planet channel is making people afraid of animals with shows like that and some other stuff they have on. He said they just fill that channel with kooks and weird animals. Howard said Beth wanted to do a show on there that was all nice but they seem to have changed.
Howard said they're going to be doing a bunch more IQ tests so they'll get him one. KC said that he'll score above average with a real test.
KC said he got 720 on his SAT tests. Howard told KC that they give you 400 points just for signing your name. Jon Hein backed that up but KC refused to believe that. KC said he took his test a long time ago but Jon said that doesn't matter. They've always done it that way.
Howard said that there are people who think they can't think early in the morning. He said that's being a moron. That's like Eric the Midget saying he can't do math early in the morning. You can either do it or you can't.
KC said he wants to bet $1000 that he'll beat Grillo in the IQ test. Howard said that he scored an 80 there. KC said he never took one there so that's not right. Jason came in and said that he was the one who administered the test to KC. KC said he did not. Jason said that he administered it and graded it and KC got an 88 or 89. KC said he did not take an IQ test. Jason said he did and he'd pull the log. That led to Fred playing one of Richard Christy's KC song parodies.
KC told Howard he's got a clean license now. He said his super attorney cleared it up for him so he can drive now. That's the first time in about 6 years that he's been able to do that.
Howard asked KC where he was at. KC was up in Alaska visiting his broad. Howard said that KC is almost as low as Wendy the Retard with his IQ test score. KC said that it wasn't a real test. KC said he found a great woman and that's why he's up there in Alaska. Howard asked which dude it is. That led into another Richard Christy song parody about KC.
Howard told KC that he's not bright because he should have named his abs. He said KC has an 8 pack. He said that dude The Situation is making $5 million a year. KC said he missed the boat. Robin said that KC is so cute that they give him extra points. KC said he'll break 100 with his IQ test. He thanked them for letting him call in and told everyone to check out Max Muscle in Orange County and they'll take care of you. He signed off with ''Gone!'' Howard said he'll probably start calling his stomach ''The Situation'' now too.
Howard had Jon Hein finish up his Wrap Up Show preview that he had started earlier. Then Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. Steve did a quick preview for the show that's on at 7 tonight on Howard 101.
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Robin read a story about the guy who fell 39 stories and lived when he tried to commit suicide. Robin said the guy landed on the roof of a sports car and lived. He broke his legs and got a bruised lung but that was it. Robin said the car he landed on was totaled. Howard said that guy really wanted to die. He said he won't go into his rant that he went into earlier.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin ruining the John McCain campaign. Howard said he'd love to talk to McCain about that whole thing. He took this woman who was a complete unknown and ruined it. He said that it was like he didn't really want to be President. Robin read about how McCain's daughter has a book coming out about the campaign.
Robin read about how Rachel Uchitel is visiting Ground Zero as part of her Celebrity Rehab appearance. Howard said he has seen some pictures of her in a bikini lately and she looks great. Howard said the reason they were at Ground Zero is because Rachel was engaged to a guy who died on 9/11. Howard said she was a nobody back then and she was photographed looking for her dead fiancee back then. Howard said she's pining away for this guy so Dr. Drew figured they should go down there to resolve her issues.
Robin read about how there will be some drone planes flying the border to find illegal immigrants. Howard said they'll see them coming over but nothing will be done.
Robin read a story about the net worth of America's law makers. She ran down that list and spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about how Costco isn't going to be buying veal from a company accused of animal cruelty. Robin wondered how that's possible when every company selling veal is cruel to animals.
Robin read a story about a woman who died in a chimney when she was trying to break into her boyfriend's house. They didn't find her until 3 days later. Howard said there was a story about a woman who died in her own house under so much stuff that they didn't find her even when they had body sniffing dogs come in trying to find her. Howard read that article and said that they think she collapsed and the junk fell on her. Then no one was able to find her. Even the husband wasn't able to find her.
Howard mentioned the ''Worst Penis Injury'' contest they have going on. He picked up a call after that and the guy was asking if he can enter with his ball sack injury. Howard said he thought it was just for penis but Gary said it was up to Howard. Howard said he doesn't think that they can do that. He said he'll have to pass on it for now. He said maybe they'll do another contest some other time.
Robin read a story about the Chilean miners that are stuck in a mine and they may not be out of there until Christmas. Howard said he wouldn't even want to come out if he were a minder in Chile. Robin said they are 2300 feet below ground and they do have fresh air. They're being denied booze and cigarettes though. Howard said the company that was running that mine left town so they're not even getting paid being stuck down there. Robin said they're not sending them beans either so they can avoid intestinal gas. Howard said the video they have of those guys down there looks like the Blair Witch Project. He said that might make for a good movie actually.
Robin told Howard she saw Lady Gaga walking down the street with her boyfriend and the guy was making all kinds of noise to draw attention to himself. She said she wouldn't have even noticed them if he hadn't made all of the noise. Robin said she was reading that Lady Gaga is so afraid of cell phone radiation that she has someone else hold it to her ear a little bit away from her head. She speaks on the speaker phone so she can try and avoid the radiation. Robin read that there's a fan of Lady Gaga's who is going to go through plastic surgery to try and look like her. Howard said he can see a dude pulling that off. He said he'd try to look like someone more attractive though.
Robin read a story about a couple that gave their daughter over to pay for their debt to drug people. Howard said they should have their own reality show.
Robin read about the police in Spain busting a male prostitution ring. Robin said the men who were targeted were lied to so that's why it was illegal.
Robin read about Michael Douglas opening up about his throat cancer on David Letterman's show last night. Robin had some audio from that interview. He's at stage 4 and he has an 80 percent chance of recovering according to what Robin read.
Robin read about a Mormon bishop that was shot and killed in a church. Robin had some tape of the accused shooter using the name Zane Thomas when he called it in to 9-1-1. The guy told them that they should be prepared to throw down in mortal combat. Robin said he was later shot by police. Howard wondered what happens in your life that you have to do something like that. He said that's some tough stuff to deal with.
Howard said he heard that this throat cancer can come from eating a woman out. Benjy said that's what they're saying and it can come from the human papaloma virus. Benjy said that the guy can get it and then develop a cancer from it. Howard said he's eaten a few. He wonders if he's ever had any bad pussy. He doesn't think so but he's not sure.
Robin read about a company that designed the oval office rug and had some audio of the guy who worked on it. Howard said his name is Michael Ruggery and he works on rugs. He thought that was pretty wild.
Robin read about a poll that was done about the proposed mosque down near Ground Zero. Robin said people are looking for them to investigate where the money is coming from. Mayor Bloomberg said there is no reason to do that. Howard said intellectually he agrees with him on that. He said that emotionally he thinks that they shouldn't allow it to be built down there. Howard said he's actually all for the government investigating every religion to find out what they're doing with their money.
Robin read a story about an 11 year old that died in New York City from an asthma attack. A cop stopped the mother from driving down a one way street and he didn't know CPR so he's being blamed for the death. He has been suspended pending an investigation.
Robin said that Demi Moore was on stage with Snoop Dogg dancing in Las Vegas. Robin said that Ashton Tweeted that he's doing some business with Snoop.
Robin had some audio of Christina Applegate talking about the movie ''Going the Distance'' and working with Drew Barrymore. Howard played the clip and goofed on how all of these actors kiss each other's asses all the time. He made up some stories that she could tell about their super powers as actresses.
Robin had some audio of Robert De Niro talking about his role in ''Machete.'' Howard said he was very talkative in this clip. She had some other clips of some people from that movie too.
Robin read about the movie ''The Last Exorcism'' that Eli Roth put out. Howard said he just ran into Eli up there the other day. Howard said Eli sat outside of his door at the movie studio he was working in during ''Private Parts.'' He said Eli would sit outside his door and write his movies. He said he remembers him scrawling it down with a pencil and paper. It turned out to be that movie ''Cabin Fever.'' Howard said the guy was good sitting outside the door. He said he would hire him anytime to do that.
Robin read that Plaxico Burress has been denied a work release from jail. Robin said that they told him that he's unsuitable for work until June of next year. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary shouldn't be getting beat up this much over his book. He said he's looking forward to reading it and he wants to hear the audio version. Gary said he will definitely have that. He said the book is about his dysfunctional family and it'll give some insight into why he's so good at taking shit there on the show. Gary said his shrink told him that his mother inadvertently prepared him for this job. Gary said he thinks that the audio book is going to contain the full audio of his ''take me back'' tape too.
Gary said that recording the audio book is painful. He said it's really tedious and you have to repeat lines over and over again. He said that the engineer will ask you to go back and do lines differently. Gary said he's worried about how this thing is going to sell. He may be able to get on Kimmel but he's not sure about Letterman. He said he doesn't want to pull in any favors though. He said that anyone who listens to the show and wants it, will buy it. He said he's trying not to get too crazy over the whole thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to stop hanging on Howard's shirt tail and just do his own thing. He said he had better hope he doesn't retire because he's not going to be able to find a job. Gary thanked him for that.
Gary said that the book isn't about his life on the show, although there is some of that in there. Jon said that Howard is going to give him a hard time about the book when it comes out but that might be good for him.
Gary said there are parts that will come across pretty goofy. He said there's a group out now that does a show where they get celebrity bios and goof on them. They have celebrities reading the books in that group.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard could really retire and stay away from the air and if Howard and Beth could stay together 24/7. Gary said he thinks that Howard could do it. He said he has changed a lot over the past 20 years. Jon said that he does stay busy when he's home on vacation. He said they'll have to see what happens.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't get why Howard has to bash this book. He said Gary, Fred and Robin should never be treated like that. Gary said he thinks Howard is being fairly up front about how he feels about it. He will goof on it when it comes out. The caller said he hopes his book sells a lot of copies when it does come out.
Jon said it has to dig a little bit when Howard asks who is going to want to read his book. Gary said there's no reason for him to get mad now. He said if he was going to get mad it would have been 25 years ago.
Another caller said that Gary is going to sell plenty of books and he has to stop listening to the idiots like the guy who told him to stop riding Howard's coattails. Gary said that he will hear a ton of people say positive things to him but then that one guy who said something negative is the only one he'll remember. He said that's just the way he is.
The caller asked if any of the Sal stuff they played last week was set up. He said when he did that apology he thought that Sal must be retarded or something. Jon said that Sal isn't that good of an actor and that's the real deal when he's making that apology. Gary said he likes when they hear Sal and Richard talking in their studio and hearing Sal talking about that stuff. Gary said he thought Sal was a genius but he's easily pranked and that blew him away.
Another caller did an impression of Sal doing that apology. That led to the guys talking about how insincere Sal really is when it comes to that stuff. Gary said the best part of that prank was when he told Sal he had to go down and check Howard's air conditioner. He said that it never dawned on Sal that they were goofing on him.
The caller said he had a theory about Howard and Beth talking about bad breath and he had a feeling that they might be talking about Ralph. He said he's not sure about that but that's what he took away from it. He asked if anyone else there has bad breath. The caller does some impressions so he did his Gary the Retard and Steve Langford impressions for them.
Jon interrupted the caller and said that he's never noticed that Ralph has bad breath. He said that JD has been accused of it. Ronnie came in so he asked if that's why they brought him in there. Jon said that wasn't it at all.
Ronnie brought in Rachel Fine (RachelFine.com) so he had her go sit down. Jon was still trying to ask Ronnie about the sunglasses and other stuff. Then he asked about why he wanted to beat the shit out of Sal today. Ronnie said Sal was walking a cockroach around on a leash today and he saw that he was outside of Scott's studio and if he had touched him with that cockroach, he would have hit him. He said he doesn't care if he hits him either.
Gary said that Sal has done that before. Sal came in and said that he didn't want to throw Doug under the bus but he was the one who told him about the cockroach. He said he may have encouraged him to do something with it. Sal said he didn't touch the cockroach, he just tied dental floss around its leg. He said he had to get the cockroach woozy at first. He joked that he let it read Gary's book. Then Sal said he tapped it with his foot and then tied the back let. Jon asked how he knew it would get woozy from that. Sal said he's known that since he was a kid.
Ronnie said he knew Sal had that thing out there because someone tipped him off. Sal said he was dangling it over the wall in the office there.
Sal said that Ronnie would have pulled his back out if he had tried to punch him. Ronnie said he had a bug bite a couple of weeks ago and he was laid up for like a week with a 103 fever. Sal asked if he had rickets or shingles or something. Ronnie didn't find that amusing.
A caller gave Ronnie a hard time and told him what a dick he is. Ronnie doesn't care when they do that. He just gave him a few ''Whatever's'' and Jon let him go.
Doug Goodstein came in and said he wasn't encouraging Sal to do anything. He said he didn't even know there was a cockroach out there. Doug said there were two today and they both ran away.
Doug was also talking about Benjy's thing that he did with Tracy Morgan. Doug said that on a scale of 1-10 that was only a 2 and Lisa G was totally freaked out by it.
Doug said he was nowhere near Sal when he tied up that cockroach today. Sal insisted that he was and he was the one who pointed to Scott's studio to get Ronnie.
Jon asked about Robin forgetting her pass when she comes to work. All of the guys had let her use their pass to get in at one point or another.
Jon took a call from a woman who said it appears they don't have a lot of male listeners. They get a lot of female calls. Ronnie said they have a woman in the studio right now. He was trying to get them to talk about her so Gary asked why he was pushing so hard. Gary said there's no reason to talk to her at this point but they'll get to her eventually.
Rachel said that Ronnie is very kind to her. Gary said he's very protective of all of the hot chicks. He's never very protective of the fat chicks. Ronnie said that's not true but he wasn't able to remember any fat chicks he was protective of.
The caller said she wanted to talk about Howard's future with SIRIUS. She said that they're trying to figure out which way things are going to go and she thinks that Howard was trying to figure out if he would drive Beth nuts if he was home all the time. She was also wondering what's going to happen with the Artie chair. Gary said they've been without it for a while now and they don't really have to fill it. He said they still don't even know what Artie is doing.
The caller said that she loves Artie and she wishes that he'd come back. She said she thinks that there are two who could fill in for him. Nick Di Paolo was one and Jim Breuer was the other. Gary said that they're both very funny but guys who are out on the road it seems to be a huge thing for them. He said they have a nighttime personality and working in the morning can be tough to adjust to. That was one of Artie's problems. The caller said that those two guys are great and she thinks that they'd fit in with them. Gary said they're both great guys.
JD had come in to tell Ronnie he had to go. After he left JD was goofing on his sunglasses. He said he looked very odd in them. He said he looked like RoboCop or something. JD was afraid to leave the studio because there was so much rage from Ronnie.
Sal asked what Ronnie is going to do if Howard leaves. Gary said that he has a security firm and a transportation business so he could go anywhere. JD laughed when he saw Ronnie walk by still wearing the sunglasses. He was hooting when he saw that. The guys said he looked like a blind guy walking by. Doug said it looked like he was missing his dog. Sal said it looks like Weekend at Bernie's without the two guys holding him up. They went to break after that.
Jon and Gary talked about how tough those interviews can be. Gary said he was asking Robert Plant the dumbest questions at one point. He said that he felt like an idiot asking them and he felt like such an idiot. Gary said what Steve did was different than a red carpet event. He said that these people don't just keep walking. They can stick around and answer all of your questions.
Steve said he would tell everyone that he respects them after he had asked these goofy questions. Gary said that's like Stuttering John's ''Big fan, big fan...'' thing. Steve said he would do the same kind of thing. He felt bad asking the questions.
Steve said the clip Howard played of the producer from Jay and the Americans was much longer. He said they cut it down quite a bit. Steve said that he could have kept badgering the guys but he didn't do that. He said everyone got mad when he asked about selling ''crap'' when the economy is so bad.
Jon said he heard Steve was slurring a bit during the questions. Gary said he could hear that Steve was hammered after someone pointed it out and he went back and listened again. Steve said he had to drink something because he had to calm his nerves.
Jon took a call from a guy who suggested that they send Sal out to do the interviews. Gary said that they're afraid that Sal might go over the line and say something really wrong. Sal said he thinks that he could do it. He said that he's done other stuff like that. He said he might cross the line for the sake of a good interview though.
Shuli said that Sal has crossed the line many times and he didn't even realize it. Sal said he has a negative disposition already about some celebrities. He said he might not be able to contain his emotion and he might just say ''fuck you, you cunt'' out of nowhere. He said there are a lot of people out there that he just loathes.
Gary asked which of the celebrities out there he hates. Sal said he loves everyone that comes on the show. He said he doesn't like Ellen or Jay Leno. He said there are some others but he didn't have names.
A caller asked what they think Fred is going to do if Howard calls it quits. He also said that he thinks that Artie brought a lot to the show and he really misses him being there. Gary said that he was absolutely an asset to the show. Gary said Fred is a great comedy writer so he could probably get a job as a writer somewhere. He said he sees him writing for SNL or something like that. Jon said they've asked Fred that before and he says he will work but he's never said exactly what he'd like to do.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how Howard is going to deal with Beth if he doesn't have the air to get that stuff off his chest. Gary said he'd have the same problem. He said off the air he doesn't have the balls to bring up some stuff and he thinks that it would be missed by both of them.
Another caller suggested they get a regular news reporter like chick to ask the wacky questions. Sal said they were thinking about getting Little Lupe to do it as a little girl. He said they could have her asking for Tiger Beat or something like that. Gary said they could have her ask ''Do you like my pussy'' to people as if she was a young girl. Sal said they thought about getting Miss Amputee to ask questions and drop her arm as she's asking the questions.
Another caller said she loves Sal and Richard on the show and she'd love to see them do a movie or something. Sal said they'd love to do that but right now they're tied up doing what they're doing there. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the hurricane that's heading up the coast. Robin said it's coming up the eastern seaboard. She said they have watches along the shore in Maryland, New Jersey and Long Island. Howard wondered if he should not go out to his house out on Long Island. Robin said they're not sure where it's going to land.
Howard said he hates hurricanes. He said they could stop them with chemicals and he's not sure why they don't. He said they could stuff up the volcanos with concrete too.
Howard asked what happened with the BP oil spill. Robin said when she reads about it they say the water is clean and other people say that it's not. She said they are fishing down there and they think it's safe.
Howard said he has a bunch of things to talk about. He asked Robin what she wanted to hear. He said he had a story about Ronnie and Mike Gange being really creepy out in Las Vegas. Howard said they were out there to do an appearance and Ronnie was really being creepy. He said his personality is vomitus. Howard said he's never thought about putting Ronnie out there as a representative. He just needed him to do security there and drive him around. Howard said now he's hanging out at Rick's Cabaret and making appearances.
Howard said Mike Gange gets to pick and choose what he wants to cover and he always manages to cover Ronnie when he's out at the strip clubs. Howard said Gange was being really creepy out there too. He said the whole thing is just whack. He said it's all about his name and getting it out there for the girls. He said Ronnie really isn't from the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said Gange had to go to the emergency room the night before because he was so sick. He said he's fat and sick. Ronnie came in and said that he was fine the whole trip. They got out there Sunday morning and Gange was fine. He said Gange had to go eat before they got on the airplane. Ronnie said he didn't have to eat anything himself. He said Gange sat down and had a whole meal. Ronnie said they had an 11:30 in the morning flight. Ronnie said Gange asked him to watch his equipment while he went to eat. Ronnie said there was a hot chick sitting across from him. He said Gange came back and asked if he saw the chick. Gange said he never gets chicks sitting near him on the plane.
Ronnie said Gange was hacking and coughing and he got to sit in row 17. Ronnie was in row 20. The hot chick went and sat right next to Gange. He texted him and said he finally had a hot chick. They had two hot flight attendants too. He told Gange to find out her name. Gange told him not to worry.
Ronnie said he fell asleep and walked to the back of the plane. Gange was coughing and sneezing and the girl was passed out against the window. He said Gange didn't even bother talking to her because he was hacking and coughing.
Ronnie said they were out there for some strip club awards show and they had a good time. He said they had a full slate of things to do out there.
Howard said the whole thing was creepy. He said Ronnie has become the strip club king somehow. He said the girls must think he owns a club or something.
Howard said he had some audio from the awards show they were at. They give away awards for the best clubs and for employees. Howard said Ronnie was hosting but Ronnie said he was just a presenter. Ralphie May was the host and Ronnie said he did a great job.
Howard said he had to play Ronnie's appearance. He was introduced as Howard's personal bodyguard. They also said that he was a former staff Sargent in the national air guard. Howard wondered how they knew that. Ronnie said he didn't tell them any of that stuff. He's not sure where it came from.
In the clip Ronnie goes up and says that he was told to just keep it simple and not go too crazy because this was a corporate thing. Then Ronnie starts cursing and talking about how dirty Ralphie May was. Howard said this was Ronnie doing his stand-up act. Ronnie said it was no stand-up. Howard said he's like Ronnie Dangerfield. Ronnie goes into his award introduction after cursing out the guy who told him to be cool and calm up there. Robin told Ronnie that he's no Rodney Dangerfield so that's why he was told to stay calm.
Howard played some more of the audio of Ronnie reading the award nominees. He asked why there was no music. He got a little bit and then cursed the band out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how old Ronnie is. Ronnie asked why it matters. The caller said he should behave himself when he's up on stage like that. Howard said he doesn't come off well when he curses the way he does. Ronnie said he knows. He was just brushing off the comments from Howard and the caller.
Howard said they're going to air this stuff on Howard TV starting tomorrow night. He said he makes the people on Jersey Shore look like nothing. He said he has more tape of Ronnie evaluating girls and that's really creepy.
The caller asked what all of these guys are going to do if he reads radio. Howard said he wants to leave just to see what Ronnie does. He said Ronnie will be sitting in his house. Ronnie said he'll still be driving Howard around. He said he's not going to be sitting around doing nothing.
Howard said Ronnie is really interesting compared to that guy ''The Situation.'' Howard said if he's lucky enough he'll be back to driving a limo again. He said maybe Ronnie can show up and do his ''fuck'' routine for passengers like this caller.
Howard said that Ronnie was telling him that no one uses a limo anymore. They all take Town Cars, Escalades and things like that. Howard said he and Imus are the only ones taking a limo. Howard said that's what it was all about back at NBC so that's why they still do it. Everyone else is about not using gas guzzlers.
Howard said that at NBC he had to be on par with that shit so he demanded a limo. Now he likes it so he keeps it. Howard said he has some privacy in the car now so he doesn't have to interact with the driver. Howard said he doesn't care that they use a lot of gas. Ronnie said the SUVs use even more gas than the limo.
The caller said they have to replay the time Ronnie talked about the petcock in the limo. He said that was some great stuff. Howard let him go after that.
Howard played more of Ronnie's speech up on stage at the award show. Robin said she was missing the flow of the whole thing. She told him to stop cutting him off. Howard hit rewind and started it over again. Then he cut him off again when he asked about the sunglasses he was wearing inside yesterday. Ronnie said he was outside and came back in and left his glasses in his car. He said everyone made a federal case about it on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he looks like the man with x-ray vision.
Howard had some other audio clips of Ronnie messing with people. Ronnie said they were doing shows at this club and he was co-hosting with this girl Jade Sinclair. Howard played that clip and Ronnie was up on stage talking about the award show from the night before. Ronnie said they were going to get the party started. He wasn't getting much of a reaction from the crowd. Ronnie asked if anyone was there. They gave him a little bit of a cheer. Howard told Ronnie he should leave now because he's going to goof on him. He said it's really creepy the way he interacts with the girls. Ronnie went off to go to the bathroom.
Howard said Gange was following Ronnie around and he was looking like a creepy old man. Ronnie came up with definitions for each girl and he had a whole shtick going on with them. He said they had to be nice to him because they know he's got some kind of tie in with Lonnie at Rick's. Howard said that Gange was following him around with the camera too.
Howard played a clip where Ronnie was talking to one of the girls and saying she was adorable. Ronnie told her she was awesome on the Sybian too. Then Ronnie moves on to another girl and tells her what her definition was. He said she's got some great eyes and he wanted to fuck the shit out of her. He was describing her tattoos and stuff and talking about how he wanted to fuck the shit out of her. Howard said this is going to be the creepiest special on Howard TV.
Robin said she's not sure if Ronnie or the Sybian guy is creepier. Howard said Ronnie continues on with another girl. He talks to her about her last name, Ryder, and jokes about it being like ''Ride Her.'' Ronnie then says he's writing his own dictionary and gives her a definition. Ronnie paused and gave her a definition.
Ronnie came back in and told Howard it was Gange who was encouraging him to come up with the definitions. Howard said Gange saw how creepy he was and told him to keep going. He said they were two creeps from the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said Ronnie was up to the third girl and she was rubbing his nipples. He said he wanted to throw up from that. He's not sure if he'll be able to watch that special. He said he knows it'll be big on Howard TV though. Howard said Ronnie is like Hugh Hefner with the definitions. He said Ronnie gets really creepy when he's talking about wanting to fuck these girls. He said he must be fucking some of them. He said the girls must fall for this crap.
Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie was getting his nipples rubbed by the girl and she was saying she has a nipple fetish. Howard said she must have a liver spot fetish too. Ronnie responded to the girl saying he knew she had that fetish. Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie wasn't even able to talk while she was rubbing his nipples. Howard said Ronnie doesn't need Viagra, that's for sure. He said he became Hugh Hefner.
Howard said Ronnie's nipples are covered in massive amounts of hair. He said he can't wait to see this on Howard TV. He played more of Ronnie saying they were going to have to go behind the curtain in a few seconds. She said she was ready. Howard said there has to be a better way to make money.
Howard said he can't wait to see this special. He said people think that he's a representative of this show. Howard said that he had to turn off his phone after that. He was getting email and he wasn't sure who it was coming from. Everyone he knows is there at work.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie said he had been eyeing this girl up since he got in there. The stripper then gives him an ''Awwww.'' Howard said that's like a shark eyeing you up in the water. Howard said this special is going to be creepier than the Dave Lampert Sybian show.
Howard pointed out how atrocious Ronnie's grammar and accent is. He was pointing out every time he said something weird. Howard and Fred goofed on Ronnie about that for a short time. Howard said he'd love to hear what the stripper was thinking while Ronnie was talking to her. He said he'd love to put her in a room and get her thoughts on that.
Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie was telling this girl that she was in a league of her own. That was his definition. Howard goofed on Ronnie about that and about his grammar. He and Fred goofed on Ronnie about that stuff and did their impressions of him. Howard asked when this show is going to be on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein said it'll be up around Midnight. Howard played more of the clip and said that he must be thinking about wanting to fuck this girl because she was a red head. Howard said there may be too many people on the planet.
Howard and Robin were talking about the gunman who was at the Discovery channel yesterday. Howard said he didn't even know the Discovery Channel was still around. He said he'll talk more about that later.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking to this girl about how great she was. Howard said the girls must want to just get away from him. He said he doesn't want to blow the whole special by playing it all. He said that ''Awwww'' sound they make must be them holding in their vomit.
Howard played another clip where Gange was directing Ronnie during his definition speech. Ronnie was talking about how he knew this girl and he goes way back. Howard wondered if he fucked her at some point. He and Fred goofed on Ronnie some more about the way Ronnie talks to the girls. In the clip Ronnie was talking about how he could fall in love with this girl. Then Gange is telling him what to say about her. He was directing him like he's going to go back and edit this clip.
Howard spent a few minutes goofing on Ronnie and Gange. They talked about how sick Gange has been and how much he eats.
Howard was also talking about Ronnie and how he used to have Playboy mud flaps on his limo. He was doing driving for NBC so he had to pick people like Katie Couric up in that car.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie has erectile dysfunction or something. He said that the macho bullshit is something. He said he has to be making up for something.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie makes him want to jump through the radio and punch him. He said he's got an attitude when he has everything in the world. The caller asked Ronnie what's up with that. Ronnie said that's just him. Ronnie said the caller must have issues too if he wants to jump through the phone. Ronnie told him to go ahead and do that and he'll be waiting.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to come to Ronnie's defense. He said that they all wish they were Ronnie. He said Howard must wish that too. Howard said he has figured him out. He said that's just what he wants to be like. Howard said maybe he's jealous of Ronnie. The caller said that Ronnie has all of the girls and Howard is stuck with just one. Howard said maybe Ronnie has something going on then.
Howard said he's just worried about Ronnie being out there and saying he's from The Howard Stern Show. He said he's not sure that's going to work.
Another caller said he wrote a song about Ronnie a while back. Howard said he'd love to hear it. The caller sang about Ronnie for a few seconds before Howard hung up on him. Robin said that's why they never played it.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Ronnie clips. They had Ronnie yelling at the guy about stuff he had no clue about. The caller had no idea why he was talking to him about a Camaro and a Dodge Challenger.
After that Howard said those calls are great because the guys always threaten to come down and beat the shit out of him.
Howard took a call from Mike Gange who said his voice was kind of shot. Howard said his voice is always shot. He said he's sick all the time and he has to know it's from being fat. Gange said his doctor doesn't know what's wrong with him. Howard said he doesn't eat anything nutritious. He said that he puts pictures of his food up on his Facebook page. Gange said he doesn't eat like that all the time. Ronnie said he goes to a hot chick doctor. That's the only reason he goes to her.
Howard said he heard about how Gange made out with that girl on the plane. Gange said he was coughing and sneezing and he didn't want to get her sick by talking to her. Howard asked why he has to eat before he flies. Gange said that's a thing he has. He has to eat before he gets on a plane.
Howard looked at some of the stuff that Gange has posted pictures of on his Facebook page. Gange had fried corn and Peeps and things like that on there. He eats Skittles while he rides his bike. That's the kind of stuff that will put him in an early grave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie and Gange are out there representing the show. Howard said he knows that. The caller said they should give Ronnie and IQ test. Howard said he doesn't think that he'd take it. He wanted to give him the Police test to find out how angry he really is. He said that he would probably fail. Howard said everything makes the guy angry.
Howard said all of the guys who go to Rick's have to go through Ronnie. He said they have to get his permission for some reason. Howard said it's like Ronnie runes the strip club. Everyone goes out with him like he runs the club.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie and goofed on the way he talks to people. He said the guy will go over to the club and gets a whole spread of food out there. He said that they have a whole thing going on there. Howard said anyone can go to the club but, if you go with Ronnie, you get special treatment. Robin said that Lonnie has created a monster with Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie wanted to do appearances years ago and now he has them. It's like his dream has come true.
Robin said Ronnie has a way of working it. Howard said Ronnie even goes to Lonnie's apartment. He gets to just hang out there. Howard said sometimes he's just there for Lonnie and not even for the girls. He'll go there to eat dinner.
The caller asked why Howard has never talked about the TV show ''Dexter.'' Howard said he never really started with it. The caller said the show is the greatest. She said he's really missing out on that show. Howard said he has other things like ''America's Got Talent'' to watch. He said Jerry Springer made an appearance on last night's show. The caller said that Breaking Bad is another great one.
Howard took a call from Wheels who gave him a Fuck, Marry, Kill game. He gave him Anna Paquin, Rachel Uchitel and Jewel. Howard said he'd fuck the shit out of Rachel, marry Jewel and kill Anna Paquin. Howard said he can tell that Rachel can fuck. He said he knows what he's talking about. Wheels said it would be funny if Ronnie knocked up one of the strippers. Howard said that would be pretty funny.
Another caller said that Natalie Maines has a special coming up this weekend. He gave her some plugs for that. It was going to be Natalie Maines and Eddie Vedder. Howard said it's also Patti Smith and some other people. He said Natalie has been against this war from the start.
Howard said he had a meeting with Tim yesterday at his apartment. He said one of the topics was the Natalie Maines thing. He said they were talking about playing the special on their channel but they have a contract with one of the other channels. Howard said he would put it on Howard 101.
Howard said he got a lot of great feedback about the show and how stupid Sirius would be not to re-sign him. Howard said that made him feel good. He read through some of that stuff and people were saying they'd cancel if they don't sign him again. Howard said he really appreciates the fans backing him like that.
Howard said if he does stay there he would like to expand out to a third channel. He said this was just yesterday that he was talking to Tim. He said the Natalie Maines thing will be airing on channel 18.
Howard said he and Tim were talking about some Howard 100 News stuff and some other things they're doing on Howard 101. Tim came in and said he has to look into the Natalie Maines thing. He said they have to get the rights to play the concert on Howard 101. Howard told him to check it out and see what he can do.
Howard said that Tim had never been to his apartment before yesterday. He said he doesn't take a lot of meetings up there. It's only been one or two big ones. He said he wanted to tell everyone about this meeting but he has to take a break. He said he's got some things irritating him and Robin is going to think he's really shallow. He said she must think that already. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that no one makes music like that anymore. He said everyone is a punk now. He said he'd like to do hard stuff like this again.
Howard asked what was up with Bubba tweeting a picture of his own excrement yesterday. He said that was too much for him. He said that's still lingering in his mind. He said he didn't look that close at it but he did see it was shit. Benjy said that it was horrible. He said it looks like the color it is when you're sick. He said there was a pile in there and it was just gross. Howard said he must have been proud of it. he said you do feel good when you get something like that out of you but keep it to yourself.
Howard said he and Bubba email each other a lot. He said he thinks that Bubba is gearing up for his next move and he can see this whole thing just disappearing. Robin said that's kind of sad.
Wolfie called in and asked what Howard would like to do if he stays there and works just 3 days a week. Howard said he thinks he'd just do his show and it doesn't seem that crazy to him. He said he'd be willing to stay there and put out 15 hours of programming a week. He said it would be 12 hours but he always puts in extra time. Howard said they'd do the whole thing they're doing now, he just wouldn't be there as much. He said he could do that or just completely quit.
Howard said he's 56 and he'd like to have more free time. He said he's trying to figure it all out again. He's mapping out the next 5 years and they'd want him to stay for 5 if he re-signs. He said he'd prefer a yearly contract but they have said they want 5 years. Howard said he thinks that they could continue to grow with them. Howard said that the future of media is going to change over the next 5 years. He said whoever has the best content is going to win. He said he could have an app where he's available wherever you are. Howard said they could just have something called Howard Stern instead of SIRIUS XM or something. He said he could provide the programming for a few dollars a month.
Wolfie said that he wouldn't mind getting rid of some of the equipment. Howard said that no one has any content. All they have is music that he can get anywhere. He said they have to wake up and smell the fucking coffee. He said they need something super compelling that brings in the bacon. Howard said he doesn't think they should even call it SIRIUS XM. It should be called Howard Stern.
Wolfie asked if there's a sticking point with SIRIUS right now. Howard said he's not even actively negotiating with them. He said he doesn't want to hear that he should take less money and things like that. Howard said they have to think about history and what happened when he left the other place. He said that he's not knocking any of the stuff that they have on there now. He said he likes Coffee House there on SIRIUS XM. He said he loves the service.
Howard said it's a whole different ball game around there now. He said when he started there they loved him. Now he's not seeing the love. He said he told the guys from XM that they were going down. They didn't believe him. Now they've absorbed them. He said these guys had better listen to him now and think about their future. Howard said the people on terrestrial thought that they could just replace him with David Lee Roth. That didn't last longer than 3 months. Howard said they tried replacing him with every radio guy they had after that. None of that worked out. Howard said they finally realized that no one can replace him.
Howard said he doesn't care about the nonsense. He said he sat down with Tim yesterday and told him what he'd like to do. He said he gave him a lecture and told Tim to just listen to him. He said he told him what's going on in radio now. He said he laid it all out for him. He told him what was going to happen and what they had to be prepared for. He said it was an hour long meeting and Tim listened and said ''Oh my goodness...'
Howard said he knows what the future is. He said he has a 5 point plan. He said one of the points was if they decide to stay there. He said the 4 other things are options. Howard said one of them is off the table. The one option is to get the fuck out of the business. That is off the table. He said he's staying in the business. Howard said it would be almost a miracle if he re-signed there.
Howard said they have nothing else going on there. Howard said the other 3 points were about future technology and what their options are. He said he's clear on all of that now. He has clarity now. Howard said he has the ability to lead his audience somewhere else. He said they'll have to wait and see if that's going to happen. Howard said he became clear in the last month because he's been thinking about this seriously. Wolfie asked if Tim can handle all of this. Howard said Tim is his guy. He can handle it.
A caller said that he has to let SIRIUS know how shitty their radios are. Howard said he's not there to knock SIRIUS. He said his priority is to stay there. He said that he appreciates what they've let him do there. It's been nothing short of miraculous. Howard said he and Jesus have a lot in common. They've both created miracles. He said they tend to forget about that and they treat him like shit like they did to Jesus. Howard said they got used to having him around and now they've forgotten about the past.
The caller said that he has about $900 worth of radios that have broken over the past 5 years. Howard said he's a company man for the next 4 months. After that he'll bash the shit out of them. He said that's what happened to CBS Radio. Howard said they had David Lee Roth, Opie and Anthony, Adam Carolla and others. He said they all took a shot at it and it didn't work. He said they had that guy Rover and he didn't make the miracle happen.
Howard said the stuff he got from Jon didn't say it was from the movie. It was very vague. He said he figured it was rare stuff he got. He wrote him a thank-you note and sent him a picture of the display and all of that. He said he got a note back from Jon and he told him that the eyes light up and stuff. He said he didn't even know that. Howard said Jon sent him the letter and clarified about exactly what he got. The Senator Stern thing was on camera and the mask was a prop for the movie. He said they added the lights to it but there are only a few of these in existence. Howard said that it still sounds very vague to him. He said it still sounds important to him.
Howard said he figured Ralph would be jealous. He emailed him a picture of the mask and Ralph got back to him. Ralph said ''welcome to the club'' and he figured he was jealous. Then he sent back a picture and he was looking at the Iron Man head but it wasn't his book shelf. It turns out that Ralph has one exactly like it. Howard said he is so disgusted that he's going to take that head and throw it out the window. Howard said he wanted Ralph to be jealous and he has the same, stupid, Iron Man head.
Jason said that the head is a cheap, plastic thing. Howard said that's what he has. Jason said his toy's eyes light up too. Jason said if it's the same thing then it is just a shitty plastic thing. He said that Ralph may have gotten his from the people at Paramount. Howard said that he can't believe that everyone has one. He's getting rid of his if that's the case.
Howard asked why Favreau does this to him. Robin said that he's getting a lot of attention from him on this. Howard said he's done with Favreau now. He said he can't let him direct ''Footless'' after all of this. Howard said Jon explained to him that this wasn't from the movie and now he sees what it really is. Howard said that it did seem like a piece of shit and it turns out it was.
Ralph called in and told Howard that his is actually better. He said that his is made from the mould. Ralph's is made by a company that does replicas. Ralph said that Howard's is made from the actual moulds that they used for the movie. He said that's why it's better. Ralph said his is made of metal but the one Howard has is better even though it's made of plastic.
Howard said now his sounds more valuable than Ralph's. Howard read Favreau's note again and it sounds like it could have been used in the movie if they had broken some other ones. Howard said he thinks that they just had a bunch made up for shlubs like him. Howard said that it is a prop and not a commercial piece. He said that they have a magnetic neck piece on this thing that allows the stunt doubles to wear them.
Gary told Howard that Favreau emailed him too and he thinks that he either doesn't have access to that stuff or he doesn't want to give it up. Howard said he doesn't want anything... but if you're going to send something, you'd think it would be something really cool. Howard said he doesn't want something that Ralph has. Howard said that this isn't something that was in the movie. He said he'd prefer that he not have anything. He said that he displayed the note along with the helmet and desk sign. He said that he wants some authentication and that's what he has. Howard said he's all shook up from this and he wasn't able to say ''authentication.'' He was saying ''authentification.''
Ralph said that the desk sign was in the movie though. He said that's going to be his disclaimer when he says the helmet wasn't in the movie.
Howard said he couldn't believe when he got the picture from Ralph. He said he even has a special stand for his. Howard said he has to figure out how to make the eyes light up on his helmet. Ralph said he'll help him out with that when he comes over.
Howard said he was showing that head off to Tim and now he realizes it's not even in the movie. Robin said that Jon is going to have to find some other piece of junk to send to him. Howard said when you buy a Picasso you don't buy a replica of it. He said he wants Robert Downey Jr's head hanging in his house. Robin said she went to a house and this guy had a Terminator replica in his house. She said she was wondering if it was real but she figures it isn't now.
Howard said he took that picture of his helmet and he realized that next to it was a pile of books about him. He said he had pictures of himself and things like that there too. He had to take the picture so he wouldn't see all of that stuff so he wouldn't look so shallow. Howard said he wanted to look more intellectual so he put some other books there to cover them up. He had the bible next to it instead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should post a picture so the fans can see it. Howard said he'll send the picture of the fake head so they can see that. Howard sent the picture to Jason so he can post it on HowardStern.com. Jason said it may take a while if everyone goes to the site right now. Howard said there's no rush to get on the site.
Howard said this whole thing is a diaster and Favreau has to stop sending him stuff. Howard told Jason to get that picture up in one minute. Jason said he'd do that.
Howard said he had that Paul McCartney guitar at his apartment too. That's just a replica too and Paul never even played it. Howard said he has that in a display case. He did sign it but he never played the thing. Howard said he has a bunch of shitty things on display. Howard said he has a great poster of the Three Stooges on display and that means something to him. He started getting sentimental so he built a display case for the guitar. He said he made a whole display out of that and then someone told him that it was just a replica. He said they make it look old but it's really a fake. It was his real signature and he did give it to him on the show... but it's still not real.
Howard said that this psychiatry isn't working out for him. He said that everyone goes horribly wrong when he listens to the guy. Howard said he was going to run over to the Discovery Channel and threaten to kill everyone after he got that picture from Ralph.
Howard said he was reading about that shooter from the Discovery Channel and how nutty he was. Howard said the guy was a world class fuckin' nut. Howard said he looks like other nuts too. He said they all have a similar look.
Howard said the picture was up on the web site. He explained what was in the picture and how he had posed it to look more intellectual. Robin said they should put up the Ralph picture too. Howard asked Jason to get that one up fast too. Howard went into his email and forwarded that one to Jason. Howard said Ralph's looks just as good as his.
Jason got Ralph's picture and said that Howard's display was better. That was about it. Howard said he had a decorator come in and help him with that. He said that was for his phony, baloney helmet. Howard said this woman came over and charged him to set that thing up.
Howard said he had a story in the paper to read about that Discovery Channel shooter. He read some quotes from the guy who was talking about how disgusting the human race is. Howard said he was great for Discovery because he was sure that they weren't even on the air anymore.
Howard took a call and the guy said he can't believe he fell for that Favreau stuff again. Another caller said that no one cares about this Iron Man helmet. Howard said it's not about the helmet, it's about what an asshole he (Howard) is.
Howard read more quotes from this Discover nut. He was complaining about the way human beings are ruining the world and how they have to save the animals. Howard said they had a lot of deep thoughts from him. He had all kinds of guns and explosives on him at Discovery when he took the people hostage. Howard said the guy was out on the street handing out money to people and they should have arrested him then.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he posted the picture up on his Twitter. Howard said he already had it on his site. Howard had the guys show the picture up on his site. They showed the two side by side.
Eric said he was going to suggest going out to Las Vegas before he retires. Howard said he's not going to use his idea just to screw the fans over.
Howard asked Eric what he could do for him. Eric was wondering if he can get the VMA award assignment. Eric said he was going to have Johnny handle the demands. Howard said if he can get him a spot, he'll look into giving it to him. He said he can prove everyone wrong if he gets the job. Eric said he got that correct. Eric said he will have Johnny handle the negotiations. He said they won't have any wild demands. Howard said he's not going to negotiate. He said he's just going to go out and ask the questions and not be a pain in the ass.
Howard said he's probably leaving and he can leave on a hight note. Howard told Gary to make sure that kid gets on the red carpet. Gary said he's working on it.
Howard said that Gary's answering machine is the best. He said he gets a lot of great messages from Wack Packers. He had one from Asian Pete who is almost impossible to understand. He played the message and didn't get one word of what he was saying. Robin heard the word ''early'' but that was about it. Howard said he's still not sure what he said after the guys wrote it down for him. Howard played a second one that Pete left and that one was very hard to understand too.
Gary told Howard he had another one that he left on Richard's voice mail. Howard played that one too and Pete was going off on an ''Eric'' and he was cursing them out calling them a bitch but it wasn't clear who he was talking about. They weren't sure which Eric he was referring to.
Gary said that all of the Wack Packers are mad at him now for some reason. He said that Ass Napkin Ed is mad at him for not returning his calls. Gary said he has Jason call him back now. He said Hanzi is upset that he didn't get back to him about the red carpet interviews. Gary said Jeff the Drunk is mad at him because they took him off the red carpet thing. He said he got one from High Register Sean who said that he knows he's writing these conspiracy theories about him on SternFanNetwork. Gary said he didn't know what he was talking about so he wrote him back telling him that. Gary said the big problem is going to come if Howard leaves. He said no one will know where to go.
Howard said that Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' Ownbey left Gary a message. She's apparently homeless now. Andrea said that she's homeless and she's trying to do positive things but she has no idea where her laptop charger is. Howard said it's weird that people leave messages like this for them.
Howard said Andrea also complained that she can't even strip anymore because she can't take her clothes off. He played that party and Andrea said they have to call her if she can get any help from them.
Howard asked what's going on with Apple. He said they keep coming out with brand new stuff all the time. He said they're a great company. Robin said they have some kind of timetable and a plan to come out with more new stuff all the time. Howard said they're pretty great having such a plan. He asked what the new things do. Robin said she's not sure. She said that might be a job for Technobeaver Gary.
Howard read the story and they say that this guy is coming out with a book about the underground gay community. The author claims that he has seen Travolta and has been involved with him. Howard wondered what Kelly Preston is up to if this is true.
Howard had a tape of Evil Dave prank calling a gay bath house. He jokingly told Robin this was when Letterman was involved in a gay controversy. They got a few laughs out of that prank call.
Howard read more of the article and this author is saying that he's seen Travolta at quite a few places. Howard said he sounds like a stalker. The guy said that he's seen other celebrities at these spas but they're not married so he's not naming them. Howard said it's not right to squeal him out like that. Howard said maybe Travolta just wants to fuck a few guys on the side and this guy is ratting him out.
Howard said there was a lot more to the article but he wasn't going to read it. He said you can read it in the Enquirer.
Howard had a new voice mail from Richard's dad. He was worried about Hurricane Earl. He told Richard to make up an emergency kit. Robin got a laugh out of that.
Howard said that they have the staff impression contest going on and this guy did an impression of Richard's dad. He played that clip too. Howard said he loves Richard's dad. He said that entry might have to win. Howard said they're still taking entries for the contest. There's a $5,000 grand prize. He had to go to break after that.
Howard wondered what happened to those guys. Robin said they've cooled off a bit. Fred said they may have been at the Apple event.
Howard had Ralph on the phone so he asked him about the new Apple products. Ralph said that they updated their iPods. He said they have that Facetime thing on their iPod Touch now. Howard said he has no idea what they're talking bout. Robin explained it to him but Howard really didn't care. He said he was interested a few minutes ago but now he doesn't care. Ralph said that they updated Apple TV so you can stream stuff through it. Howard said he had to go. He said he's zoning. He's not interested and neither is his audience. Howard said he was interested a few minutes ago but now he really doesn't care.
Howard said he wanted to see this new movie ''Machete'' but they won't give him a screener. He said Matt Lauer gets copies of every movie but the movie studios won't give them to him. Howard said he'd actually talk about the movies and Matt Lauer doesn't. He said the movie studios must think he's insane or something. Howard said Matt tells him about how he's screening all of these movies and he just pretends that he is too. Howard said it makes him look like his dick is small when Beth hears that from other people.
Howard said he heard from Richie Wilson that Lindsay Lohan is naked in the movie ''Machete.'' He said he's really interested in seeing it now. Gary said the movie company wanted to send over the 10 minute thing he had gotten in the email. He said that they wanted the person to bring it over and wait while Howard watched it. Gary said that they sent over the 10 minute thing that had Howard's name all over it. Howard said that they can go fuck themselves. He said that it's really insulting to do that to him. He wondered what they think he's doing. Gary said they think he's bootlegging the movies. Howard said he's never done anything like that.
Howard said he got a screener of ''Bruno'' and it had his name right in the middle of the screen the whole time. Howard said he had people over to watch it and they had to stare at that the whole movie.
Gary told Howard he would love this Machete movie. He said it's cartoon violence. He said there is blood and hair all over the wall. He said they have a super hot chick in the movie and she's naked. He said that wasn't Lindsay Lohan though. He said there were some great scenes in the 10 minutes he saw.
Howard said when he gets screenings he will keep his mouth shut if he doesn't like the movie. He said if he likes it, he'll talk it up on the air. Howard said it's a pretty good deal. He said he doesn't do anything bad with the screeners he gets. Howard said with the Bruno movie they drove the movie out near his house, his friend picked it up, and then they drove it back when they were done watching it. Howard said people must think he's insane. He said that has to be why they treat him like this.
Mike said that when he did his TV show they got a call from a guy saying that they knew they were going to do a story about Travolta being gay. Mike said they didn't have anything like that in the works at all. He said that there have been pictures of John kissing guys on the mouth. He said there was a very famous picture of him kissing a man on the lips. Robin said that he is Italian and they are known for doing that. Howard and Mike spent a couple more minutes on that before getting to the game.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said they're saying that people are so addicted to their phones that they can't live without them. Howard said he doesn't bring his everywhere. He said Beth is addicted though.
Howard said he ran into Cameron Diaz and A-Rod while he was working out. Howard said Cameron said hello to him but A-Rod was busy. Howard said he's not sure what they were up to. He said Cameron is hot. He said A-Rod was hot too. Howard said he's not sure what she's doing with that guy though. He said she must dig it. Robin said that someone said that power and all of that stuff is a turn on to women if they don't have their own money. Howard said A-Rod gets women because of his looks.
A caller said that Howard once said he thought that a missile hit the Pentagon instead of an airplane. Howard said he doesn't remember saying that. Benjy remembers him saying that. Benjy said that there was a video that shows that it could have been a missile. Howard said he doesn't remember saying it but maybe he did. Howard said he doesn't even think about that now. He said he had to get out of that conversation.
Howard said that everyone is sending him this video of a song that has ''fuck you'' in it like he's going to care. He said that he doesn't know what people think of him but he really doesn't care. Howard said that's probably why the movie studios don't trust him. Howard said he has gotten about 5 million links to this song and he doesn't even like it. Howard said the song isn't that great. He played the song and said that it's stupid.
Howard pretended that he loved the song. He asked if he's a raving lunatic or something. He said that he's not going to like a song just because he says ''fuck you.'' Gary said that the guy who sings it is the guy who sang in that Gnarls Barkley song. He said this was the lead singer in that song that Howard used to like. Howard said he really doesn't care.
Howard said Sal is a weirdo. He sent him a constipation porn clip. Howard said he claims he's not into that stuff but he wouldn't even know where to look for something like that. Howard said there's an old lady who is constipated and she calls a prune juice delivery guy, like one exists, and has him help her out. Howard said it's a ridiculous thing. Howard played the clip of this woman complaining about not having her prune juice and she calls the ''Prune Brothers'' to bring her some juice.
Howard asked Steve what else he had. Steve said they're still investigating the company that managed the prison that Kenneth Keith died in. Steve said they have a special guest on Superfan Roundtable tonight. He quickly explained who she was.
Howard said he had to take a break but he had Jon Favreau on the phone. Jon wanted to explain to him what the mask was. He said there is no real Iron Man. He said they make masks for the guys who play the character. He said that he wants to put and end to this. Howard said he wants to thank Jon for the gift and leave it at that. Jon said that he would never give anything to Howard that Ralph has at home. Jon thanked Howard for all of the years of radio. He's been listening since he was in high school. He said he loves them. Howard said he loves him too and he asked him to send him something from Cowboys & Aliens.
Jon told Howard that Howard and Robert Downey Jr. are the only people, other than Jon, who have that mask. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard said he's going to make Jon the director on ''Footless.'' Jon said if he's available, he'll do it. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said that he found his mask that they sell. Howard said he's just going to give it away. Howard said he found out that they sell it for $700 to anyone who wants one. Fred said he's pretty sure there are more than just 3 masks. Howard showed Robin the mask and said that it's from the same, stupid mould. He said that Jon should just not send him anything. He went over that story again about how Ralph showed him a very similar mask. Howard said he wished that Jon hadn't embarrassed him like that. He said that the decorator thought it was real too. They had to go to break after that.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Mutt said they're going to be talking about Wendy the Retard selling her Playstation 2 for $20 and how it was one of their listeners. Mutt said they'll talk about the possibility of Howard leaving. He said they'll talk about Howard's meeting with Tim and some of the stuff he let slip out. Howard said he didn't let anything slip. Mutt thought he had never admitted that he had a meeting with the American Idol people. Howard said he has talked about that. He said he had two ladies from American Idol up at his place. Mutt said he thought they were just ''Television execs'' in previous discussions. Mutt said they'll also be talking about Gary's book and Greg Fitzsimmons' book issues. That's all tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Howard said he was reading about how this guy who tried to commit suicide totalled the car of this woman who had just had it fixed. Now she can't get any money out of anyone because this asshole tried to kill himself. Howard said the guy should have just blown his brains out with a gun instead. Howard said this poor woman doesn't have a car now. He said they're trying to make her out to be insensitive but this guy didn't have to jump out a window. He said there are many ways to kill yourself. He said you can just go up to Chuck Zito and curse him out. Howard said people are so mean.
Howard said the irony is that this woman had just had work done on this car getting it refurbished. Howard said he wanted to read the article but he wasn't able to find it. Robin found the article and said that it had just had brake work done and an oil change. It wasn't refurbished like Howard said it was. She had a few hundred dollars wroth of work done to it.
Howard said the car probably saved the life of the guy who jumped but the car was totaled. Robin said they told the woman that she can sue the 22 year old. Howard said that he jumped from a building that he didn't even live in. He used to live there last year.
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with the song parody ''Squirty On Robin's Can's.'' Robin started off with a story about the woman who got caught in the chimney of her boyfriend's house and got stuck. She wasn't found for 3 days. Robin said she was 49 and a doctor. Howard said that's crazy. He said he was watching the Whitney Cummings special on Comedy Central and she was talking about the weird things that guys want from women. Howard said the guys want to play doctor but she thinks that they should actually go out and become a real doctor.
Robin read a story about Ashton Kutcher denying that he cheated on Demi Moore. Robin said he was allegedly seen kissing and groping a young blond. Howard said that can really screw up your marriage. He said even if you're innocent that can screw things up. Robin said that he's talking about suing Star Magazine.
Robin read about Paris Hilton being banned from the Wynn resort out in Las Vegas. Her boyfriend was fired from the place too. Howard said they can't ban someone like that. He said that they have a ton of degenerates staying there. He said they'd have to empty out half of the rooms there if they're going to ban her.
Robin read about the Miners in Chile and how one of the guys had a mistress who showed up after he got stuck down in the mine. Howard said that proves that it's a man's world. The guy is a miner... in Chile, and he's got a wife and a mistress.
Robin read about Bristol Palin being on Dancing with the Stars and how she's saying she won't wear anything provocative. Howard said that's why the show is going to end. He said the only reason to watch is for the hot chicks in provocative outfits. Howard said they're sunk this season. Howard said that he doesn't care about the other people they're going to have on the show. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about the people who have been on the show in the past too. Robin read about some of the people they tried to get on the show this season. They claim they have some people who try to get on every season but they turn them down. Melanie Griffith is one of them. Howard said he'd like to see her on the show. Howard said they offered it to his wife a couple of times. Robin said she's had offers too. She said they offered it to her this season. Howard said he might have to divorce Beth if she went on that show. He's not sure he could take that.
Robin read a story about how Conan O'Brien revealed the name of his new TBS show. It's going to be ''Conan.'' Howard said he seems so defeated after the NBC thing. Howard said he thought he was going to do something funny and call it ''The Tonight Show.''
Robin read a story about how Apple is turning iTunes into a social network for music fans. Howard said that guy is sick but he's got some amazing ideas. Robin said they're going to call this new social network ''Ping.'' Howard said it sounds like it's not going to work. He said it sounds too much like Facebook. Robin said they admit that it is like Facebook and Twitter. Howard said he has a couple of clunkers. That's okay though.
Robin read about the new iPods that they introduced. She said they had a new iPad but she was wrong, it's just a new OS version. Howard said he can't even keep up on that.
Howard said he's getting his TiVo hooked up to his Netflix account. Howard said he doesn't want to have to set it up like Gary was telling him he had to do. Howard said he doesn't want to have to type in his password.
Robin read about how the Discovery gunman was killed yesterday. Howard's phone kept going off so he said he had to check it. He meant to turn it off earlier this morning. Howard said he's glad they shot that shooter guy. He said he'd love to be one of those sniper guys who takes him out.
Howard said he got a message from Beth about helping out some more pets. He said he really doesn't want to hear about this stuff. He said that she hears from people who need help and he's not sure why they contact her. Howard said these people have to take responsibility for their own pets. Howard said Don Buchwald messaged him too. It wasn't about work, it was about some discounted wine he found.
Robin had some audio of an officer commenting on the Discovery channel shooter. Robin also had some news and audio clips of President Obama.
Robin read some news about a PSA that's out now that shows Muslims as extremists. She said there are some people who are upset about that. Howard said that the twin towers are no longer standing because of those extremists. Robin had some audio from that PSA. Robin said there are some good Muslims too. Howard said they know that but there are also a lot of bad ones. He said we're up to our necks in bad Muslims. He said there will be some major event that will go down and bad things are going to happen. He said there may be a new world order if that happens. Howard said it's going to be a big mess. That's why people are upset and they don't want to send out a signal to our enemy that a mosque comes out of that ground they destroy.
Robin read about a study done about marijuana and how it may not lead into other drugs. It's more about their race and how they were raised. Howard said he doesn't smoke that stuff but he respects other people's right to do that. He said it's ridiculous that cops have to waste their time busting people for that stuff.
Robin had some audio of Robert Rodriguez talking about his movie ''Machete.'' Robin also had some news about Betty White. Howard said he's really getting tired of Betty White. He said he likes her but he's over that already. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
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Jon had Mike Gange in so he asked him about his trip to Vegas and what went on out there. Mike talked about the asthma attack he had. That led to him going to the hospital. Gange said he gets sick at the same time of year every year. He said that it coincides with season changing so it could have something to do with that. He said it starts with an allergy and leads into something else. He said he may not be taking care of it very well
Gary said he's worrying about Gange because he gets sick and he doesn't seem to be getting better. Gange said he does go to the doctor and they don't seem to think anything is really wrong. He said he doesn't want to be a hypochondriac or anything. Gary said he just went to the hospital emergency room. Gange said that's because he couldn't breathe. He said he is sick pretty often for weeks at a time.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he gets sick around the same time and he thought that they were getting sick from the dirty ducts at the old building. He thinks he may have been right about that. Gange said that he may have low immunity. Doug said he gets sick because he's around the kids all the time. Gary said he may have to get away from them.
Gary said that Howard made Will stand over by the door this morning because he was sick. He didn't want him anywhere near him getting him sick. Will came in there but Jon said that if he's sick he doesn't want him in there. He was wearing a medical mask though so he should be safe. Ronnie was yelling at him for being in there when he's sick.
Jon asked Ronnie about the trip to Vegas and the way he was saying that Gange was all about the food. Gange said that's bullshit because they were eating twice a day at the most. Ronnie said they were eating at weird times of the day though.
Gary said that 25 percent of Gange's Facebook pictures are of food. Gange said he thinks it's fun to take pictures of cool stuff he eats. Ronnie asked what friends he has. Gange said he has friends that like that.
Gange said that Ronnie wanted to eat at the buffet out there in Vegas. Ronnie said that's bullshit. Gary said that eating out in Vegas at weird times isn't that odd. He said your clock can be thrown off being out there.
Jon said that Ronnie was saying that they did plan around his meals. Mike said that's just not true. He said they did eat at strange times. He and Ronnie told their sides of the story.
Gange said that he wanted to let them know that he wasn't showing off for the girls out there either. He said he was just trying to direct Ronnie with his thoughts on the girls. Ronnie said that it's not possible that he wasn't interested in any of the girls out there. Gary said he thinks that Gange threw him under the bus a little to get the footage. Gange said he just wanted him to repeated stuff so he could have clear audio in case he missed something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gange could have HIV based on what he's heard. Gange said he was just tested recently and he doesn't have it. Doug said it was FAT, not HIV.
Jon asked Doug what was up with the ''Medicated Pete'' comment today over the mic. Doug said he's not sure what happened there. He said it just came out of nowhere and he didn't even realize he had done it.
Jon asked Gange about why he was the one out on the trip with Ronnie. Gange said that Ronnie told him about the trip months ago. He was planning on taking a vacation anyway so he went out there with Ronnie. He said they were just going to go out there and hang out but then it became a shoot. He said it was just going to be hanging out but then it became a shoot. Gary found that hard to believe. Gange said he likes hanging out with Ronnie so he would do that.
Jon asked if Howard is really embarrassed by the image that Ronnie represents when he does stuff like this. Gary said he thinks he is. Jon played a clip of Howard talking about Gange and Ronnie doing their thing out there in Vegas.
After the clip the guys talked about Ronnie's appearances and how crazy they can get. Gary said that Ronnie is the life of the party. Jon asked if Ronnie is going to be loved out there next year if Howard isn't on radio. Gange said no way but Ronnie knows that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been trying to get his roommate to get Howard TV. He said that they don't have that many new shows on there now. He said it seems like a waste of time. Gange said they're starting Show in the Hallway again in September. He said they're going to have the Beetlejuice show back on in October too. Doug said they have more than 40 new shows a month and they try to make everyone happy with what they put up.
Another caller said that Gange's problems may be coming from the airplane travel. Gange agreed. The caller said that it doesn't seem that they needed an Executive Producer out there in Vegas either. Gange said that's true but he was going out there anyway. He just did it as a second thought. Gange said he has done plenty of shitty things working for the show. He used to clean out Gary's refrigerator. Gary said he didn't have one until they got there to SIRIUS. Mike said they had one at K-Rock too and it was by Stuttering John's phone. Gary said that was Jon asking him to do that.
Gary said maybe it isn't that easy to get the props from the set. He said maybe Jon can't just give stuff away like that. Jon said he agrees with that. It might be more tricky than they know.
Jon said that Howard did have a decorator display the helmet and then got the note from Ralph saying ''Welcome to the club.'' He said that just made it worse. Gary said that he knows how Jon Favreau must feel but he also knows the show so he should expect stuff like this.
Jon said that this gift was great but it's not what Howard was looking for. Gange said that Jon Favreau should be able to get Howard something really cool from the movie. Steve Brandano said that Favreau said that there are only 3 of these things that people have in their hands right now. He said that it might be really rare. Gary said that they do make them though and anyone can buy one. Steve said that Howard's selling point is that the helmet is from Jon Favreau and that's a cool gift.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he used to work in the prop business and he knows how it all works. He said they can make copies of that stuff and what Howard got is just a numbered piece. He said he got a Darth Vader helmet that was $500 13 years ago and it's worth the same now. Gary asked how special this helmet is on a scale of 10. The caller said that if there are only 1500 made then they're pretty special. He said that he thinks it's the same thing that anyone could buy though.
The caller said he had David Prowse sign his helmet and he said it was very close to what the real thing was. He said that they make really good copies. Jon asked if Howard should be happy with what he got. The caller said he should be because he got it from Jon Favreau himself.
Howard Stern called in and said that Favreau sent him something that they can make thousands or millions of copies from. He said it's nothing special. He said he should have gotten something from the movie if he was going to send him something. He said he didn't have to send him anything but if he was going to send him something, it could have been from the movie.
Jon said that this would be like someone asking for the Stern Show Sybian and getting another Sybian that wasn't used in the studio. Howard said that's what it would be like. Howard said he thought that they'd send him a real head from the movie, not some copy.
Howard said he's not such a freak that he needs toys in his house. He said he's not like Ralph. He said if the director says to him that he appreciates what he does and then sends him the same bullshit anyone else can get, it's not that special. Howard said he read between the lines and figured out that it wasn't all that special.
Howard said he doesn't want to seem ungrateful but if someone asked for something from Private Parts, he would send his wig or something from the movie. He said he'd send them the Fartman suit or something.
Jon asked Howard if he was really deflated from the Ralph thing this morning. Howard said of course he was. Ralph was on the phone and said that he doesn't have the exact same helmet. He said he doesn't get why Howard is upset. He said he has a piece of film history. Gary said it wasn't in the movie though.
Howard said Ralph has a mould of the actual helmet from the movie. Ralph said that's not what he has. Howard said he can go on and buy it off the web. Ralph said that's not what he has though. Howard said it can be purchased though.
Ralph said that they had Fartman costumes so they must have made like 3 of them. He said that Howard wore one on camera and then there were two others that weren't used. He said he'd be thrilled if he got one of the other two. Howard said that's not the same thing. He said that anyone can buy this helmet. Ralph said he thinks that what Howard has is something special. Gary said that Jon Favreau said that this helmet was from the Sam Winston studio so it's the same thing as the 1500 that are being sold to people.
Howard said he didn't call in to argue with Ralph. He said he sees why the fans get aggravated. Howard said he wouldn't send someone something that wasn't from the movie if he was the director of the movie. Ralph said that Howard, Robert Downey Jr. and Jon Favreau are the only three that have this thing. The guys argued with Ralph that it wasn't from the movie. Jon said it was from the movie. Ralph asked if he would love it if it was sitting on a table somewhere in the movie. Howard said that would make him happy. He said then it would have been in the movie.
Jon lost Ralph on the phone and then picked up on Jon Favreau. Favreau told Howard that they hand paint these helmets for the movie. He said that you never know if they're on camera or not. Favreau said that he didn't want to say that this one was in the movie but this thing that Howard has is something that's not sold. He said that it was hand made by the prop house. He said they take weeks to make these things so they don't build them for collectors. He said that the scuffing on them is hand painted on them. Howard asked if it would have been on camera if something else had been broken. Jon said that is the case.
Favreau told Howard that he pulled that Senator Stern name plate from the archives just for Howard. Howard said that this is all embarrassing and he wasn't looking for anything from the movie. He said he was just saying that he didn't know if it was something from the movie or not. Howard said he thought it was made after the movie. Jon said it wasn't and it was made by the guys at Legacy and it was very rare. He said he gave Robert Downey Jr. one of them and Howard has the other. He said what he has is way better than what Ralph has.
Favreau told Howard that this is definitely cooler than the guitar he has. Howard said he wants to put this to rest now. He said it was very embarrassing. Jon was on his way to work on ''Cowboys & Aliens'' so he had to get going. Gary said he understands what this thing is. Howard repeated what he knew it to be and confirmed it with Jon. Favreau said that this helmet was at the effects house that made the helmets. He ''thinks'' that it was made before the movie in case other ones were damaged. He said he's really not sure though. Jon said that it's a very high class helmet. He said it's not in the movie though. Howard said he understands that. Favreau told Howard this helmet he has is not mass produced. He said he's sure of that.
Howard asked Jon if he can say that this was taken from a mould or not. Favreau said that it was not from a mould. This was a piece that was built by the effects people. He said it is not a mass produced piece though. He said that it isn't mass produced. They went back and forth on that and Jon said he really should have just sent him the Senator Stern name plate and he would have been thrilled. Howard said he's probably right.
Favreau said he thinks that this helmet might be worth some big bucks. He said that he should put it on Ebay and see how much it's worth. He said he can pull it at the end. Howard said he's going to keep it and display it with the letter Jon sent along with it.
Howard said he thinks that this ''Cowboys & Aliens'' movie is going to be a big hit. Jon said he wasn't fishing for that but he appreciates it. Howard said he's no longer going to fish for gifts and he's not going to argue this anymore. He's confused about the whole thing.
Gary threw more confusion into the whole thing and asked about the Sybian analogy. Jon said that it was a good analogy but Howard said it wasn't. Jon said that he's so gun shy he's afraid to say where this head came from or what happened. Favreau said that he'll take the helmet back and put it in the background of ''Cowboys & Aliens'' to make Howard happy. Favreau said that this thing was a hand made helmet so it is not a mass produced thing. Howard said it's the same thing as the Paul McCartney guitar.
Jon Hein asked Favreau if he regrets sending anything to Howard. Favreau said he was very careful with the wording of the whole letter so he wouldn't confuse anyone. Howard said he feels he has to continue the lie and just say it was made before the movie. Favreau said he can't confirm exactly when the helmet was made. He said that the only ones that he knows exist are the three that he, Robert Downey Jr. and Howard have. Favreau said that Howard is basing his happiness on when this thing was made. He can't give him a date on that.
Howard said he's excited he got this thing from Jon Favreau. He said he will tell people the truth about the name plate and that the helmet wasn't in the movie. Favreau said that he obviously cares too much and has trouble pleasing people. He said that they're both feeding into each other's neurosis so this isn't healthy. They had to end the show a short time later so Jon Hein let the two of them go.
Gary asked Jon Favreau to please do Celebrity Superfan Roundtable when they do the next one. He said he's going to be perfect for that. They ended the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 1:10pm.