For the week of 08/16/2010 to 08/20/2010

• Howard Eats Pork Accidentally. 08/16/10. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Sal and Richard use Sour Shoes clips to prank call Steve Langford, Foreigner performing ''Urgent'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard started the show talking about how he can't get enough of his opening theme song. He said you can dance to it, you can air guitar to it, it's two cool dudes... Howard said he thinks the radio industry was jealous so that's why they didn't play it. Howard said Robin missed his performance on MTV doing that song. Robin said she was on the red carpet at that time. Howard said he should have gone into a full out dance and really spaz out when he did that.

  Robin said she was watching a Soul Train special and they shows some moves that were done on it before Michael Jackson did it. He got a lot of his moves from the show. She said that he'd mimic them on stage after seeing them on there. Howard said it's good that she uncovered that for them.

  Howard said he had to rush down his breakfast. He said he has an egg sandwich every morning and he though it was too salty. He said he looked at it and there was ham in it. He said he kind of got bummed out. He jokingly said he should sue them and Gary asked what the damages would be. Howard said he just doesn't eat swine. He said he's kind of weirded out by the whole thing. He said he threw the rest of it out. Will got him another one really quickly. He's not sure how he did it so fast.

  Will came in and said that one of the interns ran down and got it quick. Will also said that the guy down there is filling in for the regular guy. That's how the screw up happened.

• Robin Watches Polo In The Hamptons. 08/16/10. 6:05am
  Howard asked Robin how her weekend was. Robin said she was out in the Hamptons with Ross and his wife Melissa. She was hanging out with some people like Khloe Kardashian and people like that. Robin said that if you take them for what they are in the magazines they seem to be awful but in person they're great. She said Khloe was a sweetheart.

  Howard said he tries to watch their show once in a while but he gets freaked out by Bruce Jenner's look. He said he's pussy whipped too. Howard said that the whole thing freaks him out. Robin talked about how their 14 year old daughter is a model and they have some issues about having her do the shots that she does when she's so young. Robin said she was also with some polo guys on Saturday and Sunday. She said that was interesting too. She congratulated some of the people who won.

  Howard said he's been to the polo matches too and it's hard to watch. He said the field is really big and you can't tell what's going on. Howard said he found it to be pretty awful.

  Robin talked about going to see them play and how that all works. Robin mentioned that one guy claims that he's going to be the best player. Howard said he really doesn't give a shit about polo. Robin said there was this one guy, Nacho, who people thought would be good on the show. Howard said he really wouldn't care. The sport is dumb.

  Howard and Robin talked about how the use a goat's head over in Afghanistan when they play polo. Howard said that they use a Jew's head over in that area too.

• Dr. Laura Uses The N-Word. 08/16/10. 6:15am
  Howard said that Dr. Laura used the N-word and it was really nothing. She caved into Al Sharpton though. He said he hates to defend Dr. Laura because he thinks she's a vomit but this N-word thing was nothing. He said she didn't need to say the word but she didn't use it in a racist way or anything. He said she could have just said ''the N-word'' instead. Howard said he's not sure how anyone listens to her either.

  Howard had the clip to play so he got to that. In the clip Dr. Laura was talking about how her friend and bodyguard is a black man. She had a caller on the line who was asking about the N-word and Dr. Laura said she hears it all the time on HBO and they seem to like it. Then she repeats the word 3 times. Howard said she seemed to be a little confused in that clip.

  Howard said she came back on the air and Dr. Laura got the caller back on the line and asked what she thought about what she said. The caller told her that she was offended. Laura and the caller went back and forth arguing about the use of the word. The caller said it's not right to use the word but Laura was explaining that it depends on the way it was used.

  Howard said that Dr. Laura is such a vomit. He hopes they take her off the air. He said it's not even for what she said about the N-word. He said she just lectures people and won't let the caller say anything to her and tells her to let her speak. Then she cuts her right off.

  Howard wondered how anyone listens to her show. He let her clip play some more and Laura was explaining how she used the N-word and kept repeating it. She said she wasn't calling someone that word. She was just explaining what she hears on TV.

  Howard said he doesn't agree with them taking her off the air for the use of that word but he's fine with them taking her off the air because she's awful. Howard said he was thrilled when they took Imus off the air after he got in trouble for a racist comment.

  Howard said that Al Sharpton caught wind of this and he got right out there. He said that Jesse Jackson hasn't been out there yet. He said it's like he doesn't have any fight left in him.

  Howard said Dr. Laura quickly apologized when Al Sharpton got on her ass. He said she actually used the N-word. Howard finds the whole thing hysterical. He played the clip of Laura apologizing for doing the wrong thing by using that word. She said she didn't intend to hurt anyone but she did. She claimed that she took herself off the air but Howard said she didn't. He said she just took herself off the air like he and Robin take themselves off the air.

  Howard said that he gets sick of his own voice after a while and he's not sure how someone like Dr. Laura can go on and on all by themselves. He said that you must want to hear someone else break in occasionally. He said that Dr. Laura is a big jerk. He said she's constantly ragging on homosexuals like they don't have it hard enough.

  Howard played an edited clip of her talking about how disturbing it is that part of the population is black. Howard had some other ones that Dan the Song Parody Man edited together. He said he wishes they could drop those clips in during her show. Howard had a bunch of those clips of Dr. Laura saying a lot of racial stuff. Howard said he didn't even know Dr. Laura was even still on the air.

  Howard said that was the latest with Dr. Laura sticking her foot in her mouth. Howard said that's the problem with doing a show all by yourself. He said she wanted to wake everyone up. He said it seems like a pretty easy show to do. He said it's preaching from a gym teacher.

  Howard said that the only people who should be able to call themselves a doctor are MD's. He said that Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura should not be allowed to call themselves doctors. He said that she has a PhD in physiology from Columbia according to Gary. Howard said he knows that there are people who have graduated from Columbia who aren't that bright. He said this is bullshit. She went to Stony Brook too but Howard said he still doesn't think she's a real doctor.

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• Howard Talks About Kevin ''Pig Virus'' Metheney. 08/16/10. 6:30am
  Howard said he's been getting articles about Kevin Metheney who is running WGN in Chicago now. Howard said he used to be their program director at WNBC and was known as Pig Virus. Howard said that WGN has been around for a long time and somehow he got hired to run the place. He said that apparently a lot of people are up in arms over the whole thing. He said he might be the worst human being he's ever met. Howard said if he wants something from you then he can suck your balls. Howard said the guy was abusive and horrible to him. He said once management told him to leave him alone he was nice to him. Howard said the guy was pompous and full of himself and he can't manage people. He's a real maniac.

  Howard said he portrayed Kevin in his movie that way. He said that the guy was awful and people thought he was too nice to him in the movie. Howard said he never liked the guy but now Kevin is very nice when he's asked about him. He said that he must be doing something because he keeps getting hired.

  Howard said that people don't like Kevin at this WGN station. He said he's trying to fix things over there but so far the ratings have gone lower. The guy is trying to get something going but it's not working. Howard said he could have done a whole movie about Pig Virus alone. He said it was like torture going into work with the guy. Robin said he tortured everyone there too. Howard said it was everyone but Imus. He said he would give him googlie eyes when he'd see Imus. Howard said Kevin would humiliate him and send him memos and crap. He said he heard he's still doing the memo thing after all these years.

  Howard said Kevin banned Looney Skip Rooney from the building. Howard said he didn't like his laugh so he banned the guy. Howard said he could have just come to him and said that. He ended up sending out a memo about it instead. Howard said people must have laughed at him because he was being humiliated so much. Howard said the guy could have just dealt with it instead of doing it the way he did.

  Howard had some audio of an interview that Kevin Metheney did recently. Howard played that clip and Kevin was speaking really slowly and explaining that the book and movie that he was included in (Private Parts) wasn't right. He said that the book was a recollection of just one person who knew him. Howard said he can corroborate his stories with about 10 people who saw the stuff going down there.

  Howard played more of the audio and Kevin was saying that it was something crafted into an entertaining package that was self serving. Howard said it wasn't but then he said maybe it was.

  Robin said that he was following orders. Howard said he really was like a prison camp guard. He said he wasn't like Hitler, he was just acting out the orders of the Hitler's over there.

  Howard said that he knows a guy who is working for Kevin but he hasn't had any problems yet. He said that it's just a matter of time though. Robin said that she was asked to come into a meeting to talk to Mel Karmazin about Kevin Metheney. She said she was asked to take herself out of the whole thing and tell them how he was to work for. Howard said he would never stand in the way of Mel hiring the guy. Robin said she let Mel know what she thought about the guy. She said that was that. Howard said he's glad she did that. Howard said he has a heart and he can't do that even for people he doesn't like. He said that they ask if they should hire some people there and he tells them to just hire them. He doesn't want to keep them from hiring anyone there. Howard said Kevin is the worst though so he can't tell them to hire that guy. He said he has to figure that management knows who they really want and they don't need his recommendation.

• Robin's Jogging Blister. 08/16/10. 6:40am
  Howard said everyone is afraid to talk to Robin about the mess she leaves in her office. Robin said she tries to clean up but she's been kind of busy lately. Robin said she just saw that she left a mess there last week. Howard said she leaves all of her foods there in Tupperwares and stuff. Robin said she did leave a mess last week.

  Gary came in and said that Jason came to him and said something to him but he was afraid to say something to her. Gary said that Jason is afraid of her. Robin said they're all assholes. Robin said she's never done anything to Jason. She said that if she's doing something, just let her know. She said that they can leave her memos if they have to.

  Howard said he's just wiped out this morning and he's not sure why. He said he didn't do all that much this weekend. Howard said he got a note from Robin about how she was out in the Hamptons. He said he was wondering if she was running out there. Robin said she did run and she hit a wall at around 2:12. Robin said she got a blister on the inside of her arm from running. Howard said she needs some Runner's Lube to help her out. Howard said guys get that on their inner thighs.

  Howard said that it's no fuss and no mess. He told her to try it on her areas that she gets blisters on. Robin said she didn't even know she had it until she showered. Howard said he had to take his earrings out when he was running. They were bleeding from the bouncing.

• Howard Reads Some Email. 08/16/10. 6:45am
  Howard said George Takei was great last week. Robin said she had some feedback about him too and people love him. Howard said David Arquette was great with George too and people liked that combo. He read some email about that.

  Howard read some of the email they got about George and David Arquette. Then he read some stuff about Ralph and Grillo. He said that they talked about their night with a woman together. They had never talked about that before. Howard said he's not sure what went on there.

  Howard said that he got one negative email about George Takei. He said that's the only one he's ever gotten like that. Howard said he had some positive stuff about David Arquette. He read through some of those emails. Some people didn't like David on the show. They were annoyed by his laugh.

  Howard said that someone wrote in about Dolph Lundgren and how he was making fun of him. He didn't even remember doing that. Howard said the guy wrote about how smart Dolph is and how he's no dope. Howard said he never said he was a dope, he just said he can't act. Howard said that he watches his movies and has nothing against him. He said he has watched him in a lot of movies. That led to him talking about how the movie ''The Expendables'' was number 1 at the box office. It beat out ''Eat Pray Love'' which made Howard happy. He said he's glad Julia Roberts had a flop of a movie.

  Howard said he got some email about the Real Doll episode that was up on Howard TV. Howard said the writer thought it was one of the sickest and funniest episodes ever. Howard said he saw the Real Doll sitting there when he was going to the bathroom and he laughed his ass off when he saw her with her legs open and her tongue out.

  Robin said the doll makes her flinch. She said that the vagina is hanging out of her and it's very disturbing.

  Howard said he saw that Meatloaf was a guest on the Mike Huckabee show on FOX News the other night. Howard said that Mike plays the bass fairly well apparently. He said Meatloaf did a song on there and he thought it sounded pretty good. He said he's not sure if they have the song therein their system yet. Howard said it's weird how the record industry works now. He said that they seem to only put hit songs on there at SIRIUS.

  Howard said Meatloaf had a really red tongue and it looked like he had just eaten a piece of candy or something. Fred looked for the new song but he wasn't able to find what Howard was talking about. JD came in and said that he was pulling the clip and it should be just a couple of minutes.

• The Sad Life Of Steve Grillo. 08/16/10. 6:55am
  Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show on Thursday and they were talking about Steve Grillo. He said Gary was talking about how he loves Grillo but he's like a gnat. Howard said that's not much of a compliment. Gary came in and said Grillo has a good heart. He said he's a nice person deep down inside. Howard said he doesn't love him though. Gary said that's true. He said that Grillo hangs around the office like a gnat and he never leaves.

  Gary said that Grillo was up there with a girl and he had some food up there that he wanted to put out but he didn't want Grillo and his friend to see it. He said that he kept coming back and not leaving so he couldn't put the food out. Gary said that Grillo claims that he never asks for anything but he always asks for something.

  Howard said that Grillo has too much spare time. He should be working. Gary said he works at night as a bartender. Gary said that Grillo will show up once in a while and he'll make the rounds around the whole building. Gary said he really likes Grillo a lot though.

  Howard said that Grillo can't even say the word ''acting'' so that shows that he'll never be an actor. He said that he says ''akding'' instead. Howard said the guy is never going to work as a regular actor.

  Howard said a friend of his told him how these acting schools work and how they get a director to come in and watch the students act. They never get any work out of it. They just take the actor's money and they get their audition and nothing comes of it. Howard said he's wondering if that's what's going on with Steve.

  Gary said he saw a DVD of Steve's trailer park show and he thought it was okay but Steve was telling him that it's the only time he feels alive. He said he feels bad because he figures he's not going to get to live a lot.

• Meatloaf's New Music. 08/16/10. 7:00am
  Howard got the clip of Meatloaf on the Huckabee show but he didn't want to play that. He said that he just wanted to play the album version of the song. It turns out that Fred had it in his system. He said Howard had given him the wrong name for the song. Howard played the song ''LosAngeloser'' after that. He let the song play through and said he liked it. He said he sounded pretty good. Howard said you don't get that from a lot of these older guys.

  Howard wondered what happens to guys like this who don't get any radio play. He said that they must be kind of dated or something. Robin said that music has moved on and young people don't like it. Robin said this might not be moving on enough to get young people to listen.

  Gary said JD was telling him that Meatloaf went on the WWE and tried to get them to use his song as their theme song. That's how these artists have to promote their new music these days. Howard had to go to break after that.

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• Top 5 Songs And More. 08/16/10. 7:15am
  After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard had Fred the Elephant Boy make to a pet shop asking if they had cats they could buy for his Korean restaurant. Fred also played Taio Cruz's ''Dynamite'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and asked what was playing. Fred told him what song it was an said it was number 2 on the charts. Howard said he hasn't been listening to Sirius Hits 1 lately so he's not up on his new music. He's been listening to Boneyard and stuff like that. Robin said she was listening to some other stuff out at Ross' house too. Howard asked if she felt like a prisoner out there. Robin said she didn't feel that way at all. Robin said Ross claims that he didn't like going to the polo stuff but Howard said that he goes every year. Howard said sometimes you might feel weird about staying at someone's house because they eat at a different time and things like that. Robin said she likes that kind of thing. Howard said he hates it.

  Howard said he had the top 5 songs. He played an Enrique Iglacias song and a Katy Perry song at number 4. Taylor Swift had a song at number 3. Taio Cruz's Dynamite was number 2. Then at number 1 was Eminem and Rihanna's song. Howard said that Eminem has some career going. Howard let his song play through and said he sure has volatile relationships based on what he sings about.

• Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 08/16/10. 7:20am
  Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. He ended up talking about how he has never had any desire to hit a woman he's been in a relationship with. He was referring to the Eminem and Rihanna song he had just played.

  Lisa G said that Medicated Pete is getting rave reviews for the job he's doing at the gym he's working at. Howard said he was always there and on time when he was an intern. Howard said he's a good kid but he has so many problems with that Tourette's. Howard said he hopes that he's not the kind of guy who will put cameras in the woman's locker room or anything like that. He thinks that he's not like that.

  Lisa said that Nick Manning has signed on to do some new ''Dropping Loads'' films. Lisa said that the first two films have been set into production. She said that Nick spoke to them about that.

  Howard wondered who buys porn anymore. He said that they have this Real Doll who is based on a porn star and he's not sure who even buys DVDs anymore. He said you can get so much free stuff on the web now. Lisa said that he must be kind of a brand with that ''dropping loads'' thing and people buy his stuff. They played some of his clips where Nick is saying ''dropping loads'' and other stuff.

  Howard said he'd like to make an S&M type of porn and he'd have Robin and Lisa falling in love with him. He said that he'd love to make that movie and put it up on Howard TV to make a fortune. Lisa asked why the S&M thing. Howard said he thinks that it would be something he'd be into. Benjy said that Max Hardcore was doing that kind of stuff and he ended up in jail over it. JD said that his stuff was really hard core though.

  Howard told Lisa and Robin what he would do in his movie. He said that he'd have them falling in love with him. He gave the details about that but then Robin said that Max Hardcore was charged with child porn distribution but Benjy said that they dropped those charges.

  Howard said that he'd have Lisa and Robin begging him to let them go after having them chained up. He said they'd want to have sex with him so bad that they'd go out and find more women to play the games that he was playing with them.

  Howard asked Robin and Lisa if they were up for that. Robin said that wasn't turning her on at all. Howard told the guys about a movie he saw that was pretty crazy. He said it was one of these Master Bill movies that he has talked about in the past. Howard said the guy looks like a pig and he's disgusting. Howard said he's as gross as he can get. Howard said this woman was a reporter in the movie and Bill gets her tied up and puts like 100 clothes pins on her nipples. He was shaving her and torturing her and smacking her breasts. He said at the end of the film she's in love with him. Howard said that's what he'd like to do in his movie. He said that was the best porno he's ever seen.

  Howard asked Robin if she still talks to Nick. Robin said they went out to dinner twice and they used to talk on the phone. She said Nick hasn't called her in a long time now. She said she did get an email from him telling her he got a new phone though. She said he's a nice guy. She said that while Fred was playing some ''wet cunt'' clips from Nick. Robin said that she used to hear him talking about the business a lot and she could care less about that. She said that he'd complain about how hard it was at work that day. Howard asked if she was kidding. Robin said he would talk about how it wasn't as glamorous as it looks. Howard said she's got to be kidding. Robin said she's not.

  Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said Jon Hein and Jason Kaplan are hosting the Fast Food Show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. They're going to be taste testing some burgers and they're even having someone fly in some In and Out Burgers from Los Angeles. Robin said she heard that 26 million people visit McDonald's like every day or every week. She said it's like 10 percent of the population visiting the restaurant. She wasn't sure if that was weekly or what. Howard said it can't be in one day. Robin said that they're servicing 10 percent of the population on a regular basis. Gary said they just looked it up and it's 22 million people per day at McDonald's.

  Howard tried to do some math to figure out how much money they must be making. He figured it was 82 million a day. He said they're killing America with that food though. He said he's pissed that he has to pay taxes and for their health care. Lisa said she loves their fries. Howard said they need to make death quicker instead of trying to come up with healthier foods. Robin said she wants them to just be McDonald's. Howard let Lisa go after that.

• Alvin Green Clips. 08/16/10. 7:40am
  Howard said this guy Alvin Green that they've been following has been interviewed by a reporter. There are apparently some charges against the guy for showing some porno to a college student or something. Howard said this reporter went to his house and knocked on the door but Alvin wouldn't come out. He was just yelling in the background.

  Howard played the clip where the reporter went to Alvin Green's house and asked if he was going to stay in the race. Alvin said he was going to stay in but then he told the reporter to go away. The reporter wouldn't leave so Alvin was in the background yelling ''Goooooooo!'' and ''Noooooooo!'' trying to get him to leave.

  Howard said that was pretty good stuff. He said he hopes he stays in the race and that he wins. He said the whole thing is a joke anyway. Howard said the whole government is a joke.

• J. Geils Band Discussions. 08/16/10. 7:45am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has breaking news. He read that the Craigslist killer killed himself. Howard said that story came out yesterday. He said the guy killed some girl who put up a struggle after he tried to rob her and he ended up in jail. Howard said that his girlfriend was saying there was no way it was him but she had no idea who he really was. Howard said there must have been some signs that he was a creep. He said that the girlfriend shouldn't be allowed to pick her next boyfriend. He said that her parents should pick someone for her.

  Howard said he knows a girl who was engaged to a guy who was clearly gay. He came out gay and they called off the engagement. Then the girl went out with a guy who was so gay and she's engaged again. Howard said there is no question that this guy is gay. He said if he's not gay it's impossible. Howard said that maybe there are women out there who date serial killers too.

  The caller said that he went out to see J. Geils Band and Aerosmith the other night. Howard was shocked that they were playing together. Howard said he went to a party a couple of weeks ago and this guy had a stage set up at his house and he had Bryan Adams playing there. He said Bryan played there and then Bon Jovi got up and played and then Peter Wolf got up and performed a song. Howard said the guy used to be a major entertainer but people didn't know who the J. Geils Band was.

  Howard wanted to play a J. Geils Band song but he couldn't remember the name of the song he wanted to play. Howard didn't remember which one it was. Then he remembered that ''First I Look At The Purse'' was the one he thinks is the best. Howard wanted to hear the live version of the song but Fred couldn't find it. He played the studio version instead. Howard said that wasn't doing it for him. He said the live version was much better. He said Peter Wolf is still great. He said he may have been hitting on Beth at the party they were at. Howard said that he was asking Beth to set him up with someone. Howard said Peter Wolf was married to Faye Dunaway for a short time. Howard said he's not sure who else he was with.

  The caller asked if they're going to have Aerosmith on the show. Howard said he'd have them on if they want to be on. Howard said if they want to be on they call in and ask. He said they don't call the band.

  Howard said that Peter Wolf is a nice guy and he knows a lot about music. Howard said he used to be a DJ up in Boston on WBCN. Howard said it was way back though. Howard said the guy is good at what he does too.

  Howard asked if the J. Geils Band is still together or is it a different band. He thought that they kicked Peter out of the band. He said he never even heard that they were going to be opening for Aerosmith.

  Howard said he and Peter saw a hot chick at the party so he told Peter to get off his ass and talk to her. He said that's what he did but he's not sure what happened after that.

• Howard's Future In Radio. 08/16/10. 7:55am
  Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he's been talking to his agent about his retirement. Howard said that he talks to Don every day. He said that he told Don that he has no pressure because if he gets him a deal, that's great but if he doesn't, that's even better. He said if it doesn't work into his game plan then he's out of there. He said there will be no negotiations. He said that he's going to offer them what he wants and if they take it, he'll do it. He said he wants them to tell him how much they want to pay him and how much time they want him to work. If it's the right deal he'll stay. Howard said he loves his audience but sometimes the party is just over. He said that he has to end it sometime.

  Howard and Robin ended up getting into a discussion about last night's True Blood and the sex scenes they do in that show. Howard said he loves that Anna Paquin. He said that there's something about her that he really likes. He said she's not traditionally beautiful but she's very sexy.

  Howard got back to the agent thing and said that of course Don wants him to keep working. He said that Don makes money off of that. He said he knows that Don and Mel had a discussion the other day but he's not even sure what it was about. Robin said that he did go upstairs from what she heard. She's not sure what that means though.

  Howard said he'd like to keep things going on some level but he's really not worried about it. He said he does get a little charge out of it when he thinks that they might be done in December.

  Benjy asked what time Howard would like to start the show instead of 6 in the morning. Benjy said he'd like to start around 1pm. Benjy said one hour later would be good too. Howard said he'd be fine with 7am. Robin said if they started at 9 then it would be a morning show in L.A.

  Howard said he still likes doing the show but getting up early is killing him. Robin said they could do it later. Howard said he'd like to stay up at night and not have to curse himself out for staying up to watch True Blood.

  Howard said he has a great situation there but at some point it might come to an end in December. He said he has that feeling that it might come to an end... at least there (at SIRIUS). Howard said he thinks that they have a lot to offer there and he likes driving around with satellite in his car. He never even listens to terrestrial radio anymore. Robin said it's not as clear and it sounds awful.

  Howard said he's really not sure what's going to happen. He said he has come through for them there and what they've accomplished is a lot. He said that they forced a merger between SIRIUS and XM. He said he sat the guys down at XM and told them that if they didn't hire him, they'd go down. Howard said that it was six years ago that this happened. He said that they told him that he shouldn't go to SIRIUS because they don't promote. Howard said he didn't need to promote. He said he wanted to go to the underdog anyway. He said that if they had signed him then SIRIUS would have been gone as a competitor. Howard said they were going to get back to him. Then SIRIUS came to him and said they'd do whatever it takes to get him there. He said he liked hearing that.

  Howard said that the guys there were willing to do whatever they had to do to get him on there. He said it's not the same people there now so he's not sure what's going to happen. He said he had the guys from XM come up to his apartment and told them that they'd be out of business in a year or two after he started on SIRIUS. Howard said they had Lee Masters (Jarl Mohn) come in to talk sense to him. He said that it was ridiculous because they had to go and think about the whole thing. They told him he was making a mistake but he said he didn't think that was the case. He said they all laughed at him. Howard said they're all out of work now and they own the company. He said XM lost.

  Howard said that Sirius had like 600,000 subscribers and XM had like 5 million. He said that SIRIUS signed him and the rest is history.

  Howard said he doesn't want to be played with now. He said he needs a good attitude. Howard said they were arrogant over there at XM. He said they get fat and arrogant. Howard said they forget who puts butter on the bread. He said he doesn't want to negotiate anymore.

  Howard explained who Lee Masters was and how he was the guy who hired them at E!. He went off to work for Liberty Media or someone like that. He said that he went to his house to celebrate that he had become a billionaire. He said that's when he changed his name from Lee Masters back to Jarl Mohn which was his real name. He said Lee Masters was his radio name.

• More Dr. Laura Clips And A Miss Howard Stern Game. 08/16/10. 8:15am
  Howard ended up talking about being trapped in his parents house where he was lectured all the time. Howard said that this Dr. Laura does the same thing with her listeners. Howard said he can't even think straight. That's why he's in the shrink's office 3-4 times a week. Howard said he can't imagine who listens to this Dr. Laura. He played some clips of her show and did an impression of his own mother as if she were lecturing her own radio show audience.

  Howard said he had no friends in Roosevelt and he had to run home so kids wouldn't beat him up. He said he was shitting in his pants about the black people and his mother was locked up in the house or in her car when she was driving around. Howard played more of the Dr. Laura stuff and goofed on her. He said that she's a monster. That's what's left on terrestrial radio since he left. Howard said she thinks she knows what's right but meanwhile she's yelling the N-word to a black woman on the phone.

  Howard replayed the clips he played earlier in the morning of Dr. Laura talking to that caller about the N-word.

  Howard said he liked this caller he had on the line so he let him play a Miss Howard Stern game. Howard said they had Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, in recently and they asked her some questions for her. Howard played a practice question which was ''What do Tadpoles grow up to be?'' Miss Howard Stern said ''frogs.'' She did know that one. The caller figured she wouldn't know.

  The first question for the game was ''In what country were Jews killed during the holocaust?'' Howard said they were killed in a few countries. The caller said he doesn't think she'll know. Andrea said ''Uh... Jerusalem?''

  The next question was ''What company is responsible for the oil spill?'' The caller said she won't know. Andrea's answer was ''Is it the Shell?''

  Next up was ''Spell banana.'' Howard said he knows how to spell it because of the Gwen Stefani song. The caller said that Andrea will not know it. She said it was ''BANANA'' so she was right. The caller missed that one.

  Next up was ''How many days are there in a year?'' The caller, Bill, said she will not know that one. Howard said he has to agree with him on that. Howard said that sounds crazy though. Andrea's answer was ''365.''

  Howard said it's funny how it comes down to the last question which was ''What is the first lady's first name?'' Bill knew the answer. Howard said that there was a great Paul McCartney honoring on PBS and they gave him a Gershwin award. He said a bunch of artists were all singing Paul McCartney songs at this event. He's not sure where you can see it though. Robin said they do rerun those specials. Howard said he'd never find it if he didn't have that kid JD taping things for him.

  Howard asked what they were asking. Bill said it was the question about Michelle Obama. Howard played Andrea's answer which was ''Kathy.'' Bill won the $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard said that was a good game.

  Howard played another question which was ''Who discovered electricity?'' Andrea said ''a black man...'' Then there was ''What is 50 percent of 500?'' Andrea said ''250.'' Then she was asked ''Who was the first man to land on the moon?'' Andrea said ''Armstrong.'' Howard said she does know some stuff. Sal asked her ''What is a herbivore?'' and Andrea said ''Um, a dinosaur?''

  Gary told Howard to save some of the game for another day. He said that they always have money to give away and they need good games. Howard told him to make some more good games. He said he really has to get out of the business. He said his own producer just told him to save this stuff.

  Howard said he would play more but he has to save it for another day. Gary told him to play it. Howard said he's going with his first call. He said he's going to stick with that.

  Howard asked Scott DePace what he thinks he should do. DePace told him to stick with it. Howard decided to go to break instead.

• David Hasselhoff Roast Clips. 08/16/10. 8:45am
  After the break we heard a prank call the guys had High Pitch Eric make to an video rental store asking for gay porn titles. Fred also played Train's ''Hey Soul Sister'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and asked if that was from their show. Fred said it wasn't. Howard said he didn't see the David Hasselhoff roast but he heard about it. He said he wasn't able to stay up to watch it last night. He said that he thinks the Hoff agreed to be roasted was because he's doing a reality show now and they're going to play off all of the disasters in his life on the show. Howard said he must be ready to do the reality show and let it all come out. He said he must have a great sense of humor for the whole thing. He heard that Pam Anderson almost walked off crying because she was hurt by some of the stuff that was said.

  Howard said that Whitney Cummings was on the show and she was brutal to everyone. He had some audio of her on the roast. He said she's coming in tomorrow actually. He played some of her jokes from the roast. She went after everyone on stage including Lisa Lampanelli, Pam Anderson, George Hamilton, Hulk Hogan and more. She really blasted Pam pretty good. She also told Hulk that all of the jokes she just told about Pam applied to Hulk's daughter. Whitney then did her thing for David.

  Howard said that David came out singing ''Hooked on a Feeling.'' Howard said the guy was a hit in Germany. He said he does have a good sense of humor. He said you don't know if he's laughing at himself or really singing though.

  Howard said Lisa Lampanelli, Greg Giraldo, Gilbert Gottfried and Jeffrey Ross were also on the roast. Howard played some of the Greg Giraldo roast clips. He had some really funny lines that Howard and Robin liked. He was hitting everyone with some harsh stuff. Robin and Howard were laughing pretty hard at his stuff.

  Howard wondered if Hulk Hogan was laughing during that. He said that Greg was the best in that. He said that so were Whitney and Lisa too. Howard played some more of Greg's stuff and said he loves it. Howard said Comedy Central is smart for locking up the whole roast thing. Greg roasted The Hoff pretty good too. Howard and Robin got a few laughs out of that.

  Howard said that was pretty great. He wondered why Hasselhoff would do it though. Robin wondered why Pam was there. Howard said she had a good line that he read in the paper. He said it was very good. He'd have to find it in the paper though.

  Howard said he had Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli and more. Robin wanted to hear what Lisa had to say about David. Howard fast forwarded through her stuff and found the David stuff. He played some of that and then asked what the Pam line was. Benjy told a joke about her not being able to act.

  Howard got back to Lisa's stuff and played some of her roasting George Hamilton. Then he fast forwarded to some of her Pam jokes. He forwarded to the Hulk Hogan jokes and listened to some of those. Howard said he was surprised the Hulk can take all of that. He said he's not known for that. Lisa got to David after that. Howard let that play through. Lisa got in a few funny lines before wrapping up.

  Gary said he heard that Gilbert's stuff was good. Howard played some of Gilbert's stuff. Gilbert went off on Seth MacFarlane who was hosting the show. He was saying that he can't figure out how to do anything because The Simpson's hadn't done it yet. Gilbert went off on Lisa Lampanelli and how big she is. Gilbert hit Pam Anderson with some funny lines too. Howard was laughing pretty hard at that stuff. Howard said that guy is so funny. Robin said he is a great roaster.

  Howard said he could listen to more of this but then they'd be watching the whole thing. He said it was good stuff though.

  Howard said it might be time to do another roast there. He said the show may be coming to an end in 4 months. He said that it's kind of exciting that the show might be ending in 4 months. Robin said it wasn't exciting to her. She said that there are people there who are ready to have heart attacks if he does leave. Howard said that he's not going to take some shitty deal just to keep them there. Howard said if someone would give him something to decide then he'd do that. He said he has to take another break and then get to the news and stuff. They went to break after that.

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• Phone Calls And Rush Limbaugh Discussions. 08/16/10. 9:15am
  After the break we heard a prank call the guys had Big Foot make to a woman about her cat shitting in his yard. Fred also played Van Halen ''Unchained'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and mentioned the contest they have going on. They're looking for people who do impressions of the staff. Howard said that it can be anyone on the show. There's a $5,000 grand prize for the winner.

  Howard said he got a letter from a fan asking for a free radio. He said he also insulted him in the letter so he's not sure what he was trying to do. Howard said the guy said he would be fine with it if he does leave radio. He said his Boombox broke and he's having trouble replacing it. Howard said that was a little insulting to him. Robin said it was just a little bit insulting. Howard told Gary to send him a picture or something.

  Howard said Rush Limbaugh used the same photographer at his wedding that he used at his own. Howard said she takes good pictures but she got stuck with a bad subject when she had to photograph Rush. Howard wondered if that had anything to do with why Rush picked her. He said maybe he did that when he heard that she had done Howard Stern's wedding. Robin said she was surprised that Elton John appeared at that wedding.

  Howard said he was going to take some calls before getting to the news. Mariann from Brooklyn was first up. She said she wants to start a coffee shop when he leaves. She said that Howard is going to miss her calls too. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. She wouldn't stop talking so Howard had to bail.

  Howard took a call from Wheels who had a dog barking in the background. He asked Howard if he thinks that his staff can find jobs. Howard said he knows they can. He said they're very talented. He said Robin would have a job in a minute. JD he's not so sure about. Howard said the problem with JD is that he's not sure how many people have jobs where you watch TV. He said that Jimmy Kimmel might hire some people. Wheels said that he steals plenty of other stuff from him so why wouldn't he? Wheels was asking Howard about the chess games he plays and how he plays them. Howard let him go after that.

  Robin said that in the Rush Limbaugh pictures they have EIB on everything there. Howard said he doesn't think they had it there at the wedding. They may have just put them in the pictures. Robin said she wasn't sure. Howard said he hates Rush Limbaugh. He said there's something so vile about him. He was a failure in radio until he heard about Howard Stern. Howard said it's such a bummer that he's got a career now.

  Howard and Robin talked about Rush and how gross they think he is. Robin said that women don't think of men the same way men think of women so maybe a woman could get over his looks if he had a good personality. Robin said she doesn't think that's possible with Rush though.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that David Arquette was great last week. He said hearing the stories about who he's been with were great. Howard asked the guy how things were in the town he lives in. He was in West Hempstead. Howard said it was a very black neighborhood. Gary said it's not a black neighborhood. The caller said it's a heavily orthodox area so they stay out of there. Howard said Roosevelt went black just about over night.

  The caller said that he fell asleep the first time he was on with him. He said he would do anything to do an interview about his book. He started to plug it and Howard hung up on him. Howard said he's sure the book isn't even published. Howard said he had all of that build up to plug his book. He said no one even reads books, especially in his audience.

  Howard said he watched the second half of Resident Evil: Apocalypse. He said it was a shitty movie but he watched every frame of it. Robin said she loves movies like that. She said she would watch that and even the 3D movie they're working on.

  Howard said he started to watch ''The Unborn'' last night on HBO but he wasn't sure if it was good. Robin said it was okay. She said it wasn't great. Robin said that ''Legion'' was okay too. Howard said he liked the one with the old gypsy woman. He couldn't remember the name of that one. It was ''Drag Me To Hell.'' JD came in and told Howard the name of that one.

• Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 08/16/10. 9:35am
  Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Joey Boots and how he got the finger from former mayor David Dinkens when he was outside of Charlie Rangel's birthday party. Howard said he'd like to know why so many people went to that party after all of these charges came out against Rangel. Robin said there are no official charges yet so this is the time to spend time with the guy.

  Howard said Charlie Rangel seems to be up to a lot of stuff. Robin said that they have to do the investigation first. Howard asked if Blagojevich ever got off. Robin said they're still going over that case.

  Steve said that they have the Fast Food show coming up tonight and they rejected Lisa G's request to be their ''salad correspondent.'' Howard said no one would want that. Howard asked Jon Hein why they can't cover everything in just one show. Jon said this is their third show actually. They're going to be taste testing burgers tonight on the show. Jon said he will even taste the Burger King burger. He said he will say if he likes it if he does like it. Fred said he should do it blindfolded. Howard agreed and said that they should test Jon that way. Jon said he would do that but it's radio. Howard told him to try it like that.

  Howard told Jon he should try chicken noodle soup for the first time too. Jon has never had it. Jon said that doesn't make sense for that show. Howard asked what it is about the soup he doesn't like. Jon said he doesn't like soup in general. He said he's had New England Clam Chowder and Won Ton Soup. That's it. Jon said he's very immature about eating. Howard asked about pasta. Jon said he's had pasta but it doesn't do anything for him. He said that doesn't appeal to him and neither does soup. He said he had spaghetti and meat balls just once in his life. He said he didn't like the spaghetti and meat balls. He said that his parents put them in a day care thing for a day and he was fed spaghetti and he was forced to eat it. He said that may have had something to do with why he hates it now.

  Howard asked what foods they're going to be trying tonight. Jon said they have a bunch of different places that they're getting food from. Howard said he bets the can't pick out the Burger King burger. Jon said he's pretty sure he can.

  Howard asked about the spaghetti and being forced to eat it. Jon said he was like 6 or 7 when that happened. Howard said he can't imagine not eating spaghetti. He said he had pasta on Saturday night. He had spaghetti with crab meat in it. Then he had pasta with garden vegetables in it.

  Steve said that George Takei was asking him about why they were talking about rectal itch on the show. Steve said that George admitted he had rectal itch so he gave him a copy of the show they did back in 2006 about that problem. Steve said he still has rectal itch. Howard said he doesn't have that. He said he's very careful about wiping. He said he has to make sure he gets the flushable wipes though. He said he knows it can cause problems with the cesspool. Howard said he has to have someone buy that stuff for him. He said he's like a child. He has to have someone else buy him condoms too. He said he has Laura do all of that. He said it's embarrassing to ask her to buy new stuff though. He said he wants to try a new kind of condom but he doesn't want to ask Laura to do that.

  Howard said his shrink wants him to go out and buy stuff for himself. He said that he thinks it's infantile to have someone else do it. Robin said that you have to ask someone for it so it's kind of like going out shopping.

  Howard said he loves the baby wipes but it's embarrassing to have them. He said he was thinking about having a baby just to disguise the fact that he buys the baby wipes. Howard told Steve he needs to try that baby wipe thing to get rid of the rectal itch. Howard said the wipes are fantastic. He explained how he wipes with one and then, with the second one, he pokes. If he sees a brown dot he'll keep poking. He said he pokes one in there until it's all clear. Howard said he folds the baby wipes so he can use them a few times during the wiping process. He said he tugs on the hairs too to make sure they're clear of anything.

  Howard said if you have a dot on the paper then you're going to get the itch. He told Steve this is the best advice he can get. He said he'll end up poking through his underwear and he must end up with stains. Howard said he can make fun of his use of baby wipes but he smells good and he has no remnants. He said women can do the same thing. Robin said she uses toilet paper and she's fine. Howard said he'd like to smell back there to find out.

  Howard said the only smell he may have is some ball smell. He said he wishes that he knew about the baby wipes thing when he was younger. He said he'd like to tell his kids about that too but he's too embarrassed. Howard said what he knows about wiping could fill a book.

  Howard asked Steve about the rectal itch and what he does to get rid of it. Steve said it just goes away. Howard said he must poke his underwear. Steve said he doesn't do that. He said that's why they did the special 4 years ago. He said they spoke to a doctor about it and they got some suggestions from the doctor.

  Robin said she doesn't even wet her toilet paper. Howard said that paper must be a mess. Howard said his wipes look like a Rorschach test. He said he once saw Jesus on his baby wipe. Robin said she showers if she has too much of a mess there.

  Steve got in a plug for the Fast Food show and the Greg Fitzsimmons show which is on at Midnight. Howard said he got a note from Greg over the weekend. He said Greg is afraid that he offended him about the foreword to his book. Howard said he didn't want to write it in the first place. He said he told Greg he would write it. He said he really doesn't want to though. He said Greg has to be fuckin' kidding him with this. He said he will do it but he really doesn't know why. He said he's tired of writing the forewords for these books.

  Gary said he got a note from Greg and he was asking if he was going to do it or not. Howard said he's going to have to wait because he didn't want to do it in the first place. Gary said he wanted to tell Greg that if he didn't write him back then maybe he's not going to do it. Howard said he's going to write it but he really doesn't want to. Howard said Greg was asking if he was really angry or not. Robin said he can't take a hint.

  Howard said he should have told Greg he just wasn't going to write it. He is going to do it but he's going to do the fill-in-the-blanks type of thing so anyone can use the same thing. He said Greg hardly knows him but he must want it so he can sell some books.

  Howard said Greg barely knows him and he has done plenty for him. He said that maybe he should ask Ellen Degeneres to write the foreword for him. Howard said he read that Sarah Silverman wrote her own foreword. He said maybe Greg should do that.

  Howard said he has to take like 3 or 4 hours of his own time to write this thing. He said he doesn't want to do that with his spare time. He said he doesn't even know Greg that well. He gave him a show on Howard 101. He said he'd be happy to do it if he had some free time. Howard said he's not going to want to do that today. He's going to want to watch TV instead.

  Howard said he doesn't want to do this but he told Greg he will. Robin said he should wait if it's that important to him. Howard said that's not nice. Robin said it's not nice to hound him for it either. Howard said this thing just isn't that important to him so he keeps putting it off. Howard said he wanted to watch ''Resident Evil'' instead of writing the foreword. Howard said he could go and drink or write the foreword. He went and drank. He said he could play chess or write. He chose to play chess. That's what he likes to do so that's what he did. Howard said the only people who want to write are people in prison. He said that's because they're losers.

  Howard said he's not motivated to write this thing. He chose to open mail and pay his bills over writing that foreword. Howard said if he has a free minute he'd rather do anything else. He said he doesn't know when he's going to write it. Howard said he doesn't even know Greg. Howard said he has no idea what Greg's wife's name is. He thinks he has 2 kids but he's not sure. Howard said he doesn't know his comedy or anything like that. He doesn't even know what he talks about in his comedy show. He said he saw him once but he doesn't remember what it was about.

  Howard said he met Greg's wife but doesn't remember her name. Howard said he doesn't know anything about the guy. Robin asked him some questions and Howard didn't know the answers to them. Howard said he knows that Greg's father was in the business but that's about it. He said he knows Greg washed his kid's mouth out with soap. Other than that he doesn't know much. Howard said the guy is great on the show and he's a terrific performer. He said he just doesn't know Greg very well. He likes him and he's funny but he's not sure what to write about him. Howard said he's going to write about how he doesn't even know the guy's wife's name.

  After that Jon Hein ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show.

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• Robin's News. 08/16/10. 10:05am
  Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody. Robin started off talking about Howard saying earlier that he hates being a guest in someone's home. Howard said he just ants to be on his own. He was surprised that Robin had a good time at Ross' house. He said that he can't imagine she had a good time. Robin said she did though. Robin said it's a nice thing to go somewhere and stay. She said she hopes that they ask her to stay again. Howard said he doesn't think she'll ever stay there again.

  Robin got to her news and said that Tila Tequila was attacked by some fans of Insane Clown Posse. She was on stage to perform something and the ''Juggalos'' were throwing shit at her. Howard said he heard that she's trying to sue them but he's not sure how they can control what the fans do. Robin read that she was getting hit with rocks and having firecrackers thrown at her. Robin said she apparently removed her top in front of them but that didn't help.

  Robin read a story about kids sharing pictures of themselves online and how they're exposing themselves to extortion. The kids are bribing each other with the pictures and demanding to see more. Robin read a story about a 17 year old girl who had threats from a 19 year old man to show more or he'd post her pictures to her friend's Facebook accounts. Robin said they found that he was trying to do the same to about 50 others.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a surgeon and he's seen that a lot of people get irritation from the wet wipes. Howard asked why he had to ruin that for him. The guy said that they have chemicals and preservatives in there that he doesn't need. Howard thanked him for ruining it for him. Howard said he's been fine with them but now he'll probably get a rash. He said he had to take a break after that.

  After the break, around 10:20am, Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about the Craigslist killer who ended up committing suicide in his jail cell. He was able to get a razor blade and cut his wrists and his femoral artery in his leg and also put a bag around his head.

  Robin read a story about how the race is on to make the first 3D porn film. Howard said that going to watch porn in the theater is kind of outdated. He said he used to go to a legitimate theater that would play X-rated movies. He said they weren't porn, but he went to try and get in and he wasn't able to get in while his other friends did. He said that he and his friend Tim were the only two who didn't get in. Robin said they're talking about making this Imax soft core porn film. Robin asked who would want to go see a movie after some guys went to see it. Howard said he could never beat off in public like some guys do.

  Howard said that he had a caller who saw the Insane Clown Posse thing with Tila Tequila. The caller said that she was up there for like 10 seconds before she got hit with stuff. He said they do that at every concert. He said that the Juggalos are pretty messed up though. He said they were throwing shoes full of urine at her. Howard said he's not sure how Tila can hold the concert promoters responsible. The caller said that they get rowdy at every concert so she should have expected it.

  Robin got back to her news and read about the flight attendant that ran off the plane after pulling the chute on an emergency exit. Robin said that the passenger statements aren't the same as his claims. They claim that he jumped off after having a bad flight. Robin said that the evidence doesn't show that he's telling the truth. There are some people from the flight speaking out against his behavior. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how he was rude during the whole flight. Robin had another clip of a guy saying that his behavior was unacceptable. Robin read that there's a company trying to get him to do a reality show where they follow people as they're quitting their jobs.

  Robin read a story about the gay marriage debate going on in California. Robin said that the demonstrations have moved to Washington DC. Robin had a clip of a guy talking about how he thinks that it should be one man and one woman who marry. Howard said it's embarrassing that people have to fight for their right to be married.

  Robin read a story about a woman who was decapitated by her son while they were on vacation in India. Robin read the details of how the mother's head was found almost completely decapitated.

  Robin read about Lindsay Lohan and how she's trying to mentor the girls she's in rehab with. Robin said that this is bullshit because a publicist told TMZ about this story. Robin said that Lindsay is in there because she needs help and she wouldn't have any help for anyone.

  Robin read a story about the Mets Francisco Rodriguez who apologized for beating up his girlfriend's father. Robin had the audio of Rodriguez talking about how he has to go to anger management now.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he knew that the roast clips they were playing were being bleeped. Howard said they pulled it from Comedy Central and they bleep that stuff. Howard said he can't help that. The caller said he thought the FCC was squeezing its way into satellite radio. Howard said ''not yet...''

  Robin read a story about a guy who donated part of his liver to his brother and then died 4 days later. They've stopped all live transplants since then. Howard said that's why he'd never give a liver to anyone. Robin said they say this is the first death of a living donor since they started doing it at this hospital. Howard said if you're going to do it, don't go to South Dakota for a transplant. He said at least come to New York to do that kind of thing. Robin said there are good doctors everywhere. Howard laughed. He said the best places to go are Los Angeles and New York. Howard said here are a few other spots too. South Dakota wasn't one of them. Howard said if he needs someone to rope cattle, he's not going to Manhattan. He said he'd go to South Dakota for that.

  Robin read a story about 8 people who were killed during an off road racing event. Robin said a pick up truck slammed into a crowd of onlookers. 12 people were injured and 8 were killed. Robin had some audio of some people talking about the conditions out there. Howard doesn't get why people go out and watch cars driving fast. He said these people must be out of their minds going out to watch a race like that at night. He said they have to be out of their minds to go watch that kind of thing. He said he's not 12 so he has no desire to go watch that kind of thing. He said it's such a low level of life to watch a truck race.

  Howard had Wendy the Retard on the phone so he asked her if she likes to watch trucks race. Wendy said yes to everything he asked. She said that she likes to watch the trucks and to watch bottle rockets go off. She said she would like to see a can of Goya beans walking up and down the street too. She said yes when Howard asked if she'd like to be raped by that can of beans.

  Robin asked Wendy why she was calling in. Wendy said she just got a puppy and she needs to get some underwear because the puppy chewed them up. Howard asked who got her a dog. He said ''shame on that person'' for getting her the dog. Wendy said that her sister got it for her. Howard said that's just wrong. He asked if she really needs underwear. Wendy said she does. She said she does. She needs something to catch the shit when she doesn't wipe well enough.

  Howard asked if Wendy's sister is retarded. Wendy said she's not. Howard said she must be to have gotten her a puppy. Howard told her to just wear a plastic bag as panties. Howard asked if she uses toilet paper or baby wipes. Wendy said she uses paper or wipes or socks or dirty underwear to wipe with. Howard asked if she ever pokes a hole and gets her finger dirty. She said yes. Howard told Wendy he doesn't have any money for her. He said if he gets some he'll give her a call. He let her go after that.

  Howard told the Howard TV guys he wants to do a reality show with Wendy and her dog. He said they're missing out on valuable stuff and they're not taping.

  Robin read about how President Obama has weighed in on the Mosque that they want to build at Ground Zero. Robin said Obama thinks that they have the right to build that Mosque down there. Robin had some audio of Obama saying that he was just saying they have the right to build it down there but he's not commenting on the wisdom of doing so. Howard said they should know better than to want to build something like that there. He said it could encourage another act of terrorism. They went through a few audio clips where people were commenting on the issue. Howard said that people have the right to practice any religion they want to in this country but they should have some common sense when it comes to where you build a church. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is like the people who put up the confederate flag when Martin Luther King was killed.

  Robin read a story about Zsa Zsa Gabor has asked to have her last rites read to her in the hospital she's staying in. She's 93 years old and they replaced her hips recently. Howard said he can't believe they'd do that to a 93 year old. Howard said she was a good looking woman in her day. Robin tried to do an impression of her but stopped. She said she was afraid she sounded like Rick Dees' wife.

  Robin read about The Expendables being number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin had some audio of Sylvester Stallone talking about the movie. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.

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• Wrap Up Show - Greg Fitzsimmons Book Foreword. 08/16/10. 11:10am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about the Greg Fitzsimmons book foreword thing. Gary said that Greg may be getting pushed by the book company to get the foreword but Howard really doesn't want to do it. Jon said that Greg may keep pushing for it until he gets an outright ''no'' from Howard. Jon said that Howard has already agreed to do it but then he gets on the air and says he doesn't want to do it. Gary said he and Howard talked about that on the air and it sounds like he really doesn't want to do it. Jon said they'll talk more about that and a lot of other stuff.

  Jon moved on to take some phone calls. One guy asked Gary if he's disappointed that Howard isn't writing his foreword. Gary said he's not. He said he had a discussion with the book company about it and they didn't feel they needed any foreword. He said that not every book needs one. He said he was fine with not asking Howard to write one for him. The caller said that it's bullshit because he has worked for the show for so many years and someone else is asking for one and he's going to do it for him. Gary said he's fine with it. The caller said that's bullshit. They went back and forth on that for a minute.

  The caller asked when Gary's book tour is. Gary said that he might be out in L.A. on the Thursday after the book comes out. ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' due to be released on November 2nd.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Greg Fitzsimmons' father and Howard's father worked together so they must have known each other at some time. Gary said they didn't work together. The caller said that they had met several times and did work together. He said that Howard also worked with Greg's dad at the first place Howard had a job. Gary said he thinks the caller is wrong. Gary said that there isn't a connection like he thinks there is.

  The caller said that the book foreword is a bad idea and Greg is burning a bridge that he shouldn't be burning. Jon said he doesn't think Greg thinks of it as burning a bridge. He said that he may be asking for the foreword too many times though. The caller said that Howard gets annoyed easily and you just don't ask for something like that. Gary said Howard wrote something for Artie's book and he may have written something for Lisa Lampanelli's book. The caller said if he did that for Lisa he should do it for Greg. The caller said he thinks Greg is a great guy too.

  Another caller asked if Greg listens to Howard's show. Gary said he does. The caller was wondering if he hears what Howard is saying. Gary said he doesn't.

  The caller said that Howard has been mentioning this for a couple of weeks and Greg should know that he should stop if he hears the show. If he keeps asking, he's not a real fan. They spent a short time going over that and trying to figure out what Greg should do. The caller was asking if they think that Greg is acting like a jerk and not leaving Howard alone. He said that he must know that Howard doesn't really want to do it by now. Gary said he tuned out about 40 seconds ago so he thinks that they should end this.

  The caller said he wanted to mention something about David Arquette. The guy said he had to be high on the show because he was laughing so much on the show. He has no problem with that but if a person claims they smoke twice a week then it means they smoke every day. Gary thanked him for the call and ended it.

  Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks that Howard should just write something for his book. Gary said he didn't ask for him to do that. The caller said he shouldn't have to ask. He said Howard should just do it. Gary said that he doesn't want to burden Howard with anything like that. The caller said it shouldn't be a burden to Howard though. Gary said he's not sure why the caller is mad if he's not mad himself. The caller said he's not mad. He said that Gary deserves it.

  Jon took a call from Al Rosenberg who said he loves their show. He said he missed most of the real broadcast. He said that Greg's dad worked with him in the late 1980s and early 90s. He said that Howard never worked with Greg's dad. He said that there was some animosity there. Gary said that's because Howard used to give Greg's dad a hard time.

  Jon asked Al what he thinks Greg should do at this point. Al said he loves Howard and he has the right to say yes or no to anything. He said that if he's Greg, he would keep it going because it's great radio. He said it's up to him but he'd back off if he were Greg.

  Gary talked about how Howard used to make fun of all of these old DJs and they'd eventually meet them all and it was kind of rough. Al said that Howard was too easy on Soupy Sales when they worked with him. They spent a minute talking about Soupy before they let Al go.

  Jon took a call from frequent caller Cyrus. Cyrus said that Howard obviously doesn't listen to Greg's show because he did give his word to Greg that he'd write the foreword. Jon said it sounds like Howard is willing to do it because he committed to it but he seems to be hoping that Greg would let him off the hook. Gary said that the foreword is kind of an antiquated kind of thing so they may not even need one. It's not like no one knows who Greg is. They had to go to break a short time later.

• Wrap Up Show - Howard's Future. 08/16/10. 11:35am
  After the break Jon moved on to talk about Robin's weekend in the Hamptons. He said that Howard doesn't like being a house guest. Gary said that's part of being a house guest to eat on someone else's schedule. He said that's part of what you give up when you stay somewhere. Gary said he's kind of on Howard's side in that whole thing. He said he likes to watch what he wants to watch on TV and eat when he wants to eat.

  Gary said he'll go out of his way for some people when they come to his place. He said he's pretty sure Howard would never stay at his house overnight. He's not sure he'd stay at anyone's place there.

  Jon also brought up the discussion Howard had about possibly retiring at the end of the year. They were talking about what the rest of the crew will do if Howard does leave. Gary said that JD has some talent but he doesn't push himself enough. He said that he has to fight for himself and he has to brag about what he does to get a job. Gary said he's not sure he sees him like that.

  Jon said that maybe Jimmy Kimmel could hire him but he may already have a guy doing what he does. Gary said that he'd hire JD himself in a second.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard made him mental this morning about the truck racing crash and how he was saying that it's childish. The caller said that Howard has made whole career based on pee and poo and he's saying that racing is childish. The caller said Howard doesn't even listen to what Robin is saying because he had the details of the race wrong. He said he finds it funny that Howard has to make fun of anything that's not in his world. Gary said ''Welcome to the Howard Stern Show...'' He said that's what Howard does. Gary said that Howard said in his book that ''If you're not like me, I probably hate you.'' He said that's the way he is.

• Wrap Up Show - Robin's Mess / Jason's Fear. 08/16/10. 11:40am
  Jon also brought up how Robin had left some food in her area and Jason was afraid to say anything. Gary said that Jason showed him the pictures and he told him to say something to her on Monday. He said Jason said ''Oh, no, no, no, no!'' to him. He said that he doesn't get why he's so afraid of her. Gary said he thought that Jason and Robin got along fine.

  Another caller said that the show has been great lately and he hopes it continues. The guy also said that he's not sure why these people are so concerned about Gary's foreword. He said that no one really cares. He also said that the guy who was upset about the racing should just go listen to something else if he doesn't like it.

  The caller said that he has a game to play on the show. He said that they could have people pick stocks to follow and he bets that Sal the Stockbroker would lose. Gary said that they had that idea about 2 years ago. They were going to have a homeless guy, a monkey and Wendy the Retard pick stocks with Sal.

  Jason came in so Jon asked about the Robin thing. Jason said that Robin just started talking to him again after she got angry with him about a month ago. He said he didn't want to get into it again with her. He also said that he feels weird telling Howard, Robin or Fred to clean up after themselves. Gary said that it does attract roaches and rats so he could say something. Gary said that they do have Gary there and an office manager who should be on that stuff. Gary said that he wasn't afraid to talk to her about it. Jason said he wasn't quaking in his boots or anything and 9 times out of 10 she'd be fine with it too. He said that he shouldn't be the one telling people about that kind of stuff. He said the only person he would do that to is Benjy. He said Benjy does it constantly.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that what drives him nuts is that Howard has the best life and he's miserable. He said it makes him want to slit his wrists if there's no hope for him. He said that the other thing that makes him mental is that Howard wants to do like 3 days. He said that won't fly with the audience. He said he knows that there are people who want him any way they can get him but that's just not enough. Gary said there's so much else on the service though so he doesn't get why he'd be that upset. He said he sees Howard as a bonus to all of the other stuff that's on SIRIUS XM.

  Jason asked if he would buy a Podcast on a pay for each show basis. The caller said he would probably do that. He said he would like to continue to hear the show and get his money's worst out of it. The caller said he likes some of the other shows they have on but Howard is the main draw.

  Gary told the caller that he gets two channels and more programming than they've ever been able to offer. He said they have a lot of extras. Jason threw in a plug for the Fast Food show that's on tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Gary said they have a lot of other good stuff along with Howard's show.

  The caller said he'd rather not be the guy who says those other shows aren't that good. He said he's all for what they do there but 3 days just isn't enough. He said he had a hard time adjusting to the 4 day thing. He said that he was one of the people who wanted to keep the Friday Show on with Jon and Gary.

  Gary said that the Friday Show has grown in legend. He said the email and phone calls they got were brutal. He said that they were getting crushed by all of that. The caller said that was just the beginning though. Gary said they were on for a whole year. The caller said they didn't let it grow.

  Jason said that they get a lot of positive feedback about the Wrap Up Show. Gary tried to figure out what the difference was between the Wrap Up Show and the Friday show. He was joking around about it but it was Ralph that was the missing element from the Wrap Up Show.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw Gary out at Great Adventure in New Jersey. He said he was babysitting down there. Gary said he had 6 kids with him. He said it was just him and the six kids. He said they had the best time down there though. Gary said it was three 15 year olds and three 12 year olds. He said he got the good passes that let them go through the lines. Gary said anyone can get those passes though. The caller said he lost his cell phone on the El Diablo ride. Gary said he loved that one and he went on Kingda Ka ride twice.

  Jon let that caller go and got the guys on the subject of Dr. Laura. They talked about her use of the N-word and Dr. Laura's wacky thoughts on the use of the word. Gary said he doesn't use the word but he doesn't get why people like Al Sharpton doesn't go to the rap community and tell them to stop using it. Jason said that he's offended by Dr. Laura's stupidity when it comes to all of that. Her apology was very much like Sal's apology. Gary said that she was using it like she hears the word all the time when Sal was saying that black people act differently which was racist. Jon said that Sal isn't a doctor either. They had to end the show a short time later.

• The Fast Food Show Clips. 08/17/10. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Sal and Richard use Sour Shoes clips to prank call to Steve Langford, A Baba Booey song parody, a prank call using Gary's ''take me back'' tape, Dave Grohl performing ''My Hero'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to the Fast Food Show that was on last night. Robin said it was compelling. Howard said he didn't hear the whole thing last night so he was listening this morning. They gave Jon Hein a blind taste test with McDonald's, Wendy's and Burger King and he knew the Burger King burger. He knew all three pretty easily. Howard said he couldn't even see them. Fred said there is a difference. Gary said they only gave him the meat too. There was no bun or anything else. Howard said Ross Zapin was there too helping out with statistics.

  Howard played a clip from the show here Jason told Jon what they were going to do with the burgers. They had 3 plain burgers and they wanted Jon to taste the meat only. Jon did that with a blindfold on and he was able to pick out all three. Jon hates Burger King.

  In another clip Jason was talking about how he likes having condiments on a burger but Jon hates that. Jon said he doesn't like any of that stuff because it masks the food he's trying to enjoy. He doesn't even like fries with ketchup on them.

  Howard said he was quite intrigued by the whole thing. Robin said she tuned in halfway through the show. She said they got down to things that she didn't even know about going on in fast food. Howard said they love the fast food and you can tell by the size of them. Howard said that Jason insists that his food all be double.

  Howard played a clip where a caller brought up this Five Guys burger and asked if that's fast food. Jason said it is because you order and take the food back to your table yourself. Ross said they have no shakes. Jon said that keeps them off of the list of great places. Jon had a mouth full of food while he was talking about that.

  Howard said he wants to do a show from their hospital beds in a few years. He played more of that clip where the guys talked about Five Guys not having shakes. Jon said that's bullshit and they should have shakes. Ross said they have no freezers in their restaurants. There's no chili on their menus either.

  Howard said that seems like a dumb business plan. He said people love a shake with fast food. He said he used to love that kind of food. He'd have a chocolate shake when he'd go out. Robin said they were talking about shakes on the show and they were getting to all kinds of stuff that she had no clue about.

  In another clip Jon was complaining about Five Guys and how long it takes to get your food. He said it takes too long. Howard said he wanted to have food right away when he'd order. Robin said that's the way it was at McDonald's. Howard said he only waits for good food under protest.

  Jason was saying that when you order a burger there you have to order a single if you just want a single. They will give you a double by default.

  Howard said these guys are really into this fast food thing. He said he saw another clip of Ralph calling in. Howard played that one next. Ralph was saying that he has a problem with them testing fries cold on the show. He said they have to be warm. Jon and Jason said they like them piping hot but they couldn't do that with this show. Jon said that he waits to ask for fries until they come out fresh and hot.

  Howard said he heard that they were shoveling food in last night and not caring that it was cold. He asked Jon how much he weighs. He's up to 255 ponds and he's 6'2'' tall. Jon said he doesn't like cold fries either. Howard said he heard that he will shovel them in though. Jon said that is kind of true.

  Gary said he heard that the fries were so greasy that the bags they come in just turns to a grease sponge. He said that's what's going into your body. Howard said everyone knows that it's bad for you. They don't have to remind people about that. Jon said that's true. They all know.

  Robin asked how many burgers they ate last night. Jon said he took small bites out of each one. Jason took bigger bites and Ross took some small bites. They had quite a bit.

  Howard asked Jon how his health is. Jon said he doesn't get sick much. He may have built up a tolerance for it. He knows it's bad for him though. Jon said that if you go to McDonald's then you should just eat what they have and not pretend that you're going to eat a healthy salad or anything.

  Jon told Robin about the shake thing too. She was wondering about what they were talking about last nigh. Jon said they had some McFlurry shakes and things like that. He said it's nasty but good. Howard said that lesbians go to the Dinah Shore golf tournament and fat people go to McDonald's because they're home with their people.

  Jon said that he and Jason are huge but Ross isn't. He said Ross loves that food though. Howard said he must eat in moderation. Jon said he gave Ross a lift home last night and he was saying he was going to go to the gym. Jon said he knew he was full of it. Ross told him he wasn't really going to go.

  Howard asked Jon what his favorite burger is. Jon said it's In-N-Out from out on the West Coast. He said they're always good and they have great shakes too. He said they're excellent and they won't come any further west than Nevada. Howard asked if it's like Coors beer and how they used to keep it out west. Jon said that's just what it's like. Howard said it eventually became a national brand. Jon said that they claim that it is for quality control. He said they just won't do it though. Howard said he thinks it's a hype.

  Gary said he loves eating at In-N-Out. He said they take potatoes and peel them and they make them fresh there. He said they're real potatoes and they're not frozen. Gary said it makes it feel like it's more healthy.

  Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone. King said that he used to ask for no salt on his fries and they have to make a new batch for you if you do that. He said his sister-in-law taught him that trick. He said they give you fresh fries that way. King asked Jon how he eats that stuff when he's a diabetic. Jon said he has to adjust his insulin for what he eats.

  Howard asked how that whole insulin thing works. Jon said if he's going to go to Carvel he has to give himself more insulin. He said he has to figure out how much and he kind of knows when he goes to get the same food at a restaurant. He said that your body does it naturally so he has to do it himself. He said the insulin keeps your blood sugar level even. Jon said that blood sugar can just keep going up and up if it doesn't adjust itself. He said that's what diabetes does.

  Jon said his wife eats healthy and she tries to get the kids to eat healthy so hopefully they don't have the Type 1 diabetes that he has. He said he can't get rid of what he has. Some people can get rid of their Type 2 if they eat correctly.

  Howard said he heard that Jon gave himself 2 shots of insulin before the show last night. He said that it is dangerous to do that because if he doesn't eat enough that can cause problems too. Howard asked Jon if he's ever gone without fast food for like 2 weeks. Jon said he has but it's tough.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should just eat real hamburgers instead of getting McDonald's. Jon said at Five Guys they give you more food than you ask for all the time.

  Robin said that White Castle came out really bad last night. Jon said it was just terrible last night. He said they had everything there and it was just awful. Ross had said that White Castle is great when you're drunk.

  Howard asked why White Castle would be so bad. Jon said that it's quantity over quality there. He said they were probably the cheapest too. He said that Five Guys is expensive and it'll cost you like 10 bucks for a burger and fries.

  Another caller said they have In-N-Out down in Texas. Howard said that's a smart way to market when you move it into Texas. Jon said they spread rumors that they're going to different states but it never comes out east. He said he won a bet against Rachel Fine (RachelFine.com) when she said it was coming to Florida and it wasn't.

  Howard asked if Rachel is still with Richie Wilson. Jon said as far as he knows they are still together. Howard said he thinks that Richie wants to bang other chicks and he's not committing to her. Jon said he's not sure if they're having sex but he thinks they are together. Howard asked Doug Goodstein what he thinks. Doug said he thinks he's still banging her but there is some pressure there for Richie to commit.

  Howard said that Gary having a 121 IQ is bothering him. He said he can't believe that's true. He has done some stuff that shows he can't be that smart. Gary said that they could prove that Howard is smarter if he takes the IQ test too. Howard said he can't do that. He said he's afraid that he'd come out lower than Gary. He said that would upset the balance of the show.

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• Howard Does Not Want To Write Greg Fitzsimmons Book Foreword. 08/17/10. 6:30am
  Howard said that this Greg Fitzsimmons thing is getting blown out of proportion now. He said that he's been asked to write a foreword for his book and he said he didn't want to do it. He said Greg has been bugging him to do it so he keeps telling him he will. He said that he wrote one for Artie and he wrote some stuff for Lisa Lampanelli and for Jim Breuer. Howard said the whole book foreword is outdated because it's like telling people who the author is. Howard said he knows Greg from the show but he doesn't have an outside relationship with him. He said he just hears the stuff he talks about on this show. Howard said he does a great job on his own show on Howard 101 but he really doesn't know him that well.

  Howard said Greg wrote him a personal note about writing the foreword and left it on his desk there. Howard said he could have written him a note saying no but he turned it into a bit on the air. Howard said now it's gotten into this weird thing where he feels bad about what he said so he will write it. He's said he doesn't want to write it and he means that. Greg keeps calling Gary asking what he should do. Howard said Gary wanted to tell him to let him off the hook but he didn't say it. Gary told Greg to contact him again. Howard said he got a whole other note and he was saying he was sorry if he stepped on any toes. He still hasn't let him off the hook.

  Howard said Greg sent Gary a note and he was telling him about how he had sent a note to Howard a few days ago and he's still wondering if he's going to get the foreword. Howard said he still doesn't want to do it but he has said he will. Last night on his show Greg said that Howard has to do it because he committed to it.

  Howard played the audio from Greg's show where he was talking about the whole foreword thing and what went on. Greg said that he's been ranting about the whole thing and he gets that.

  Howard said every time he sits down to do it he can't bring himself to write anything. He said he's going to do something generic but he doesn't even want to spend an hour doing it.

  Greg was saying that he was reading some of the show transcript and he saw that Howard was saying he doesn't even know him. Howard said he really doesn't know the guy. He lives in California. Howard played more of the clip and Greg and his co-host were talking about what Howard has said and what Greg has done to stay in touch with Howard. Howard said he really doesn't know Greg and he's only kept in touch with email.

  Greg was saying that he was assuming that Howard thinks about him as much as he thinks about Howard. He said he hasn't been listening to the show enough to know that Howard doesn't want to write the foreword. Greg said that Howard has committed to doing the foreword but he was thinking that he'd like to write the rants against him instead of having Howard write the foreword. He presented that idea to Howard 100 News. Howard said he never heard that idea. He said he should have suggested that to him.

  Greg was talking about how he thinks a lot about Howard. He said that the theme of the book is about standing up to authority. He said he sent him a note about that trying to find out if he was going to write this thing. He didn't hear anything back for a couple of weeks so he wrote a note to Gary. That led to Howard talking about it yesterday.

  Howard said he's going to have to stand up to authority and tell Greg he's not going to write this foreword. Howard played more of Greg talking about the book foreword and how he didn't even ask Howard if he was going to write the foreword. He said he's not pestering him and bugging him to do it. He said that's the last thing he's going to do. Greg said he'll take the offer off the table but he's thinking that Howard would think it would make him look bad. Howard wondered who he'd look bad to. He said Greg is now doing him a favor. He thanked him for that. In the clip Greg said he won't even offer him that. He said he didn't want Howard to think that he was some kind of user or something. He said it will play out the way it does and he's really not harassing Howard about it.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Greg is just an annoying gnat. Howard said he's really not. He said that Greg is a nice guy and he did agree to do this foreword. He said that he doesn't know how to say no to anyone so he just doesn't answer. He said he sometimes looks at his email and he just ignores a lot of stuff when people ask for stuff. He said he doesn't know how to say no anymore so he doesn't want to do it.

  Howard said he wants to be a good guy and he wanted Greg to think that he likes him so he said yes. He didn't mean yes though. He meant to say no and now he's regretting it. He said he doesn't want to write the foreword.

  Howard said his agent has a letter that he sends out to people when they ask for stuff. He said that's what he should have done with Greg. He said he agreed to do it on the air though. He was just riffing that day and now Greg won't let him off the hook. He said he really wants this foreword.

  Gary said that some people get pissed when you send them to Don. He said that they think they have this close relationship with Howard when they really don't.

  The caller said they should have Sal write it. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he doesn't want to look bad doing that. Howard said he's wondering if anyone is even going to buy Greg's book. He said he hopes that it's a hit but he's not sure what it's even about.

  Gary said the book isn't a comedy book either. He said that it's about his family. Howard said he really doesn't even know Greg. Gary said he can see why Greg would think there's more of a relationship than there is. Robin said he did say that he might be thinking about Howard more than Howard is thinking about him.

  Howard said he has very few friends outside of the show and most of them are kind of dopey. He said that Greg might fit right in.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should just write this thing. Howard said he wants to do so many other things though. He said he could do that or watch a movie, go for a walk, play chess or something else. He said he'd rather watch ''Resident Evil: Apocalypse'' than write that foreword. He said he wants to see the third Resident Evil even though the first two kind of sucked. He said he has a job and he doesn't need people assigning him more work.

  Howard said he's not getting paid to do this thing so he doesn't see a reason to do it. He said he did some forewords for people because they did some stuff for him. He said it's like having a homework assignment. He said if he was going to write anyone's he would write Gary's. He said he should just give Greg the one he wrote for Ratso's Abby Hoffman book.

  The caller told Howard he hopes that he doesn't retire. Howard said he's not even involved in that whole thing. He said that his agent is handling it. He said that if they want him to stay, they know what they have to do. Howard said he might be done there. Robin said there was one guy on the Wrap Up Show saying that 3 days wouldn't be enough for him. Howard said it could be 3 days or nothing. He said it could be nothing. Howard said they can try 3 days a week for a year and if people don't like it then he can leave. He said he doesn't need a 5 year contract. He said he can bang out a deal in like 5 minutes too. It's not that hard.

• Riley Martin Show Negotiations. 08/17/10. 6:50am
  Howard said he had Riley Martin and Eric the Midget on the phone. He has to bang these things out. He got Riley on the line and asked what he wanted. Riley said he spoke to him last week. Howard said everyone wants something. Riley said he didn't ask Howard for anything. Howard said that they don't want Riley doing more time there. He said they're playing a game here. He said 4 hours a week is too much Riley. He said what he's going to get is one hour. He said this is like a mercy fuck.

  Riley said that he's been doing a show for 4 years now and they're so asinine and hateful that they won't give him any more. He said he would like for Robin to write the Declaration of Independence on his penis. Howard told Riley that he had to get him off the phone last week so that's why he said he'd look into it.

  Riley said the world needs Howard on the air. He said that he has to stay there. Howard told Riley to write Greg's book foreword.

  Howard said he has to get a word in. He told Riley that he seems to be a nice guy. He said he knows him about as well as he knows Greg Fitzsimmons. Howard told Riley that he hates to break the news to him but one hour a week is a goof. He said he's a delightful guy... Riley cut him off and went off on Howard about that comparing him to the Germans killing off the Jews. Howard asked if he wanted to hear the truth or not. Riley told him to go ahead.

  Howard said that they gave Riley an hour a week to do his show and no one else has given him that much time. Howard said he's never going to be on any other radio and this was just a goof. He said that he's got an hour and he should save up whatever he has to say for that hour. Riley went off on Howard about that and wouldn't stop talking.

  Tim Sabean came in and said this is the same conversation he has with Riley. Howard said no one is interested in Riley having a 4 hour show. Tim told Riley to try doing an hour sober for once. Riley said that Howard isn't the only shit on there either. He wasn't making a lot of sense with his arguments.

  Howard said he likes Riley very much but he can't give him 4 hours a week. Howard blamed Tim for that. Tim said there really aren't 4 hours to give him. Howard said Tim gives it all to Bubba the Love Sponge. He said that it's Ferrall and Bubba that get all of the time. Riley said Ferrall is a nice man.

  Riley said that with all of the channels they have there, they could give him more time. Robin told him that they don't run all of the channels there. Riley said that Robin is a bucky beaver looking bitch.

  Riley said they're a bunch of sorry homos. Tim said that's the way it goes all the time and this is what he has to put up with. He said Riley will be shit faced by the time he hears from him this afternoon. Howard asked Riley if he will just talk to Tim later on. Howard said he'll talk to Tim now and he can talk to him later. Riley said he loves them. Howard told Tim to straighten this mess out. Tim said he has tried.

• Eric The Midget Self Destructing Actor. 08/17/10. 7:00am
  Howard said that this Whitney Cummings is really hot. He said that she was brutal on the David Hasselhoff roast. He said he heard that they cut out like half of her stuff because it was so brutal. Howard said he was on her blog last night and she was talking about the grandma panties she wears and she was showing it. Howard said they looked hot to him. Howard said Gange didn't like them but he found them kind of hot. Howard said he could never bang her because she'd write a comedy routine about it. Fred said ''Oh who cares?''

  Howard said Whitney is going to be in today. He said she'll talk about the stuff that went on during the roast. Howard said they have to take a break now though. He said he has to get to Eric the Midget later on. Howard said he's being a pain in the ass like usual. He said they're going to take him off the red carpet job.

  Howard picked up on Eric and said he has to talk to him later. He said that Eric is saying he won't ask the questions that they asked him to say. Eric said that he didn't let him know what the event was. Eric said that he didn't know what he was going to be going to. Robin said it shouldn't make a difference. Howard said it's never going to happen. Eric said that he's not going to ask a bunch of stupid questions. Howard said that's what they talked to him about last time he called in.

  Howard said Eric begged for this job. He said that they asked Eric if he would ask any questions they gave him and he said he would. Eric claimed he could handle it. Howard said Eric sent a note to Johnny Fratto where he said there was no way he was going to allow cameras into his house. He said that's fine. He understands that. Gary said that no one wanted to shoot from his house though. They wanted to shoot from the car. Eric said his parents own the car and the house and they don't want him being filmed.

  Howard said that Eric is out of his mind. Eric said he is 100 percent sane. Howard read the note where Eric was taking about his roommate Jon, which Howard was pronouncing John instead of Yon. He told Eric to tell the guy it's John and not Yon.

  Howard read the note that Eric wrote and he had a whole itinerary for what he would be doing the night of the red carpet job. Howard said he would give him most of what he wanted. He said it was fair enough but then he started in with his bullshit. He said that Eric didn't want stupid ass questions to people that he might end up working with. He said that he wanted Johnny Fratto and Johnny Jr. to write his questions.

  Howard told Eric they're done. He's not going to be on the red carpet. He said he's not getting the trip to L.A. and he doesn't have to worry about asking stupid questions. Howard said they were going to write questions that were racy but not inappropriate. He said that Eric doesn't know what he would ask. Eric couldn't think of anything to ask. Howard told him he has to follow orders if he wants to be part of this whole thing. Howard said they're done now. He told him to have a nice life. He said that Eric is being a pain in the ass after he claimed he wouldn't be.

  Howard had Johnny Fratto on the line too so he asked him what's up with this guy. Johnny said he doesn't know. He said Eric claimed he was going to do what he told him to do and he's not sure what went wrong. Johnny asked Eric if he really wanted to lose this thing. Howard said he already has lost it. He said there's no way they're going to let him do this thing now.

  Howard said he asked Gary how long he thought Eric would last doing the whole thing. Gary said he would never even make it to Los Angeles and he was right. Howard said Eric screwed it up a day later.

  Johnny said they have cameras out there and they could have done this whole thing. Johnny said that he's also going to solve the foreword thing for him. He said that he has to tell them that it will cost $20,000 and that will chase them away. Howard said 10,000 would chase most people away.

  Howard asked Eric if they're clear about this whole thing now. Howard said they're done. Johnny told him to just agree. Howard said it's too late to agree. He already lost the gig. Howard said they can't trust Eric to do this thing. Johnny said that the other night he said that he was going to do it.

  Howard asked Eric if he's clear with him now. Eric said he wishes he could. Howard said he's not a team player. Eric said that what he's saying is that what Howard's wife and people do is no good. Howard said he respects what they do for their shows but that's not what they do for this show. Howard said Eric can go out and get a job with Extra if he wants to ask those kind of questions. Howard said he doesn't do that kind of job. It's a bland, safe interview. Eric said he's not a female or gay so he doesn't care what people are wearing so he won't be asking anything like that. Howard said he's not going to be asking anything now.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he puts up with this guy. Howard said he gave him a shot, he lied to him and said he would ask the questions they wrote but he lied about it. Another caller asked what happened to the Real Doll they were going to make of Eric. Howard didn't have an answer.

  Yucko the Clown called in and said that he'd like to be on the Red Carpet. Howard said he would be good. Robin said no one will approach a clown in an outfit. Yucko said they go up to Lisa G in all of her make up. Howard said he'd think about that.

  Howard said he knew this about Eric. He said he's not even angry with him. He said that's just who Eric is. He said it's just not for him. He said he's not the kind of guy to ask those questions. He said he would choke when he gets out there.

  Eric said that he can ask questions off the top of his head really well. Howard said that's not what they want. They need specific questions asked. Howard tested Eric out and had him ask a question real quick. Eric said ''What was your favorite role to play?'' Robin said ''Oh boy...'' Howard said it was the character ''John McLain.'' Eric asked if there would be a Die Hard 5. Eric ran out of questions. Howard, as Bruce Willis, introduced Eric to Samuel L. Jackson. He did his impression of him and had Eric ask him some questions. Eric asked how many times a day he uses the F-word. Howard answered that and then had Arnold Schwarzenegger come in. Eric asked if he's going to be in the sequel to the Expendables.

  Howard thanked Eric for that but he said that he's just not for this show. He said they have plenty of people to fill his spot. Robin said they shouldn't have done this to Eric. She said they knew he wouldn't be able to do this. They set him up to meet all of these people and now they're taking it away from him. Howard said he's sorry but he needs his questions asked.

  Howard said that he will talk to him soon. He had to let Eric go. He said it's really just not for him to do this kind of thing. Robin said it was cruel to do that to him. Howard went to break after that.

• Whitney Cummings Visits. 08/17/10. 7:25am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to the Paula Gloria show. Fred also played Van Halen's ''Everybody Wants Some'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had Whitney Cummings come in. Howard said she was on the show in a contest for the hottest funniest chick. Howard said she didn't win but she's doing just fine. Howard said that they were having some problems with the microphone so he had Gary trying to figure out what the problem was. Howard said it was more than one set of headphones making the noise. He found a set that worked.

  Howard told Whitney how he thought the roast was. Howard said he though she was great. He said that she doesn't give a shit and she goes out and does her material. He said it's a vicious game to play. He said that Joel Gallen got upset with her after the roast. Whitney said she gets there late and she has to cross out half of her jokes the day before. She said that Joel told her that Pam was very sensitive and they told her that they weren't to do any Pam jokes the day of the show. She said she did everything and even did the Pam jokes.

  Whitney said Pam was getting pissed during the jokes and she even interrupted her. She said that Pam told her there are no such things as jokes and got upset that she was telling them. Whitney said that Pam seems to be doing a lot of jobs that she doesn't want to do. She said that Pam is living in a trailer now and she did a joke about that. She said that Pam started yelling at her when she said she lives in a trailer. She said that she had just said that Pam had AIDS and that trailer joke is the one that got to her.

  Howard asked if she gets nervous when she delivers a joke like that. Whitney said that there were some jokes that she didn't get laughs with when she was rehearsing them and that AIDS joke was one of them. She said it was a big hit at the roast though. She said the roasts are the only place you can do those jokes though.

  Howard said Whitney did the right thing and went out and did the jokes that she thought would be good. She said she has to go out and just do what she thinks is right. Howard said that's what he did. He said that NBC asked him not to do his show but he went out and did it. He said if he had listened to them then he would have been dead anyway. He said that you just have to go out and do your thing.

  Howard said he doesn't have the ability to sit through a roast. Whitney said that if you can't do it then you don't show up to something like this. She said that some people have the ability to laugh at themselves. She said that David Hasselhoff was able to take the jokes. Howard said he didn't think that Hulk could take it but he seemed to be okay. Whitney said that he was okay but he's been doing some sad stuff lately.

  Howard had some of Whitney's stuff from the roast. Howard played the same clip he played yesterday. She had some jokes about all of the tan guys on stage. Howard had to ask about some of the jokes since they bleeped the whole thing. Howard liked her jokes about George Hamilton and Hulk Hogan. She had one joke about all of the guys Pam has been with and how she should just drink a gallon of Magic Johnson's blood instead.

  After the clip Whitney said that wasn't even her set. She said they cut out so much of her stuff. She said that she still came off as one of the most edgy even after they cut it out. She said that Joel was pissed at her so she's not sure if it was him or Standards and Practices. Whitney said she's already been asked back for the next roast though. Howard said that everyone was making fun of everyone else. That's what happens at a roast.

  Howard asked Whitney what else she had. She told Howard some of the Seth MacFarlane jokes she had. Seth was hosting the show. Whitney said she wanted to fuck Seth just so she can get pregnant and quit the business. Whitney said she likes guys who financially need her so Seth really isn't the guy for her. She said she dates dorky and nerdy guys. Whitney said she had a boyfriend last year and that's broken up now. She said she's been on the road lately so she's not with anyone right now. Howard said he was reading her blog about the vibrators he uses and the giant panties she wears.

  Howard got back to the jokes that Whitney told that got cut out. Whitney told some of the jokes she told about Jeffrey Ross and Lisa Lampanelli. She had a lot about Ross. She had some other jokes that she didn't hear in the clip Howard played. JD came in and said that he cut her down a little more. Howard told her to check out JD's bad teeth since she seems to be into guys with bad teeth. Whitney said she was wet from that. She was saying she wears Spanx sometimes and they make her kind of swampy down there.

  Howard said he heard that Pam walked out of the roast during her set. Whitney said that she was getting up and arguing with her during her set. She said she did a joke that kind of got an ''Ooo'' and Pam did get upset. She said that her people were in the front row and she was ready to leave. She said it was a whole disaster with her. Whitney said that if you don't want her to say she's acting like a whore then don't act like a whore.

  Whitney told some more of the jokes she told during the roast that got cut. She said she had some jokes that she didn't even tell. She said she cut some of them because even she felt they were too rough. She said the one that joke that may have gotten her was the joke about her being like Kate Gosslin except the 8 kids that came out of her vagina were aborted. She said that she doesn't really think these things, they're just jokes.

  Howard figured that guys must hit on her all the time. Whitney said that no comedians ever hit on her. She said that she has guys who try to be funny in front of her and she doesn't want that when she's on a date. She said that's just her job. She said that she can just be a hot chick girlfriend if that's what a guy is looking for.

  Howard said he's surprised that Jeff Ross doesn't hit on her. She said that he's never hit on her. He said that Greg Giraldo hasn't either. He has a girlfriend now.

  Howard asked Whitney if she's getting more jobs because of this roast thing. She said that she has gotten some offers. She said that she has some development stuff over at Comedy Central. She said she also does the Chelsea Handler show a lot. Howard said he saw she does that a lot. Whitney said she does.

  Howard asked if she's ever tried out for Saturday Night Live. Whitney said she hasn't tried that. She said she doesn't do impressions so she's not sure she'd be right for that. She said that she would blow Lorne to get on the show but she's not sure she'd want to deal with the politics of the show. Whitney said she has big teeth so she's not sure how good her blow jobs would be. She said she's never had any complaints though.

  Howard asked if she had anymore jokes that didn't make it to air. Whitney said that Hoff said his daughters were off limits in the roast. She said there's always something that's off limits. She said she had a joke about his daughters. One of the jokes was about how Hoff has brought more dumb whores into this world than Sarah Palin. Howard said that was kind of rough. Whitney told some more jokes about The Hoff. She said she had one about how bad of an actor he was and that one got cut. She said she thinks she got fucked when they cut that out.

  Whitney said that Jeff Ross had a great set. She said that a bunch got cut. Howard said he heard that Jerry Springer was upset about Ross' jokes about the Holocaust because he mentioned Jerry's parents who were actually in the Holocaust.

  Whitney told Howard about some of the other jokes that got cut from the roast and some of the funny stuff that made it to the air.

  Howard asked Whitney if she needs a few days to decompress after a roast. Whitney said that she does. Howard said he imagines that she has to take like 12 Valium to come down. Whitney said she has fears and anxieties after doing the roasts now. The first one wasn't so bad but by next year she's going to be nuts. Whitney said that Lisa Lampanelli is great. She said that she got off the stage and got an email from Joel telling her how upset he was. Howard said that's a game they play over there. He said that comedy Central loved her and Joel was mad but now Joel will love her now that Comedy Central loved her.

  Howard said he went on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno one time and Jay walked off his own show. He said they stopped the cameras and all hell broke loose. He said Jay went berserk off the air. Howard said this was brilliant and he knew it would be a legendary clip. He said Jay didn't even know it. Robin said that even Siskel and Ebert were pissed at Howard. Howard said the show ended up airing the ratings went through the roof. Jay called him and asked him to come back. Howard said they loved it after that. Howard said now it's a legendary thing and he wasn't doing it to be gross. He was doing it as stupid funny. Howard said it was really hypocritical and Jay yelled at Gary about how awful it was. Then he was calling two weeks later to have him back on. It was a funny segment and they're hypocrites. Howard said this is going to happen to Whitney her whole career.

  Howard said he went on Letterman dressed as a woman one time and his people told him not to do it. He said he refused to listen to them and now they've re-aired the show like 15 times. Whitney said she tries to block it out but she can't.

  Howard gave Whitney a plug for her Comedy Central special that's airing this Saturday at 11. The special is called ''Money Shot.'' Howard asked her if she has to come up with a whole new set after doing that. She said she does. Whitney said she's going to take some time off and write some stuff while she's not on the road.

  Whitney told Howard she's doing a movie for Ben Stiller's production company. She said that there aren't a lot of roles out there for funny women so she has to write them herself. Whitney said that she based the movie on her own life and how she gets confused with a porn star with the same last name.

  Whitney said that she will try to get on a TV show while she's taking this time off. She said she'll try some pilots and stuff. She said she thinks she's a good actor but there's not a lot she wants to do. She was in the movie ''Maid of Honor'' with Patrick Dempsey. Howard asked if she's overly driven. He said that he saw the Joan Rivers movie and he's wondering if she's like that. Whitney said she doesn't think so. She said she hates traveling and she doesn't like doing 80 cities like she did this year. Whitney said that Joan has a compulsion about doing that stuff.

  Howard asked Whitney when she got laid last. She said that it was just a couple of months ago. She said she's good at that. She said that she has a regular guy that she can see. Whitney said she never meets guys at the shows she does. She said they're very creepy usually. Howard asked if it was Joel Gallen that she's seeing. Whitney just laughed.

  Howard asked what went wrong with this guy she was seeing. She said that she ended up going through his phone and this was the first time she'd ever done that. Whitney said that this guy was great and he reminded her of her father so it was really deep stuff. Howard said she must have cum like a maniac when he was around. She said that she did and she just knew he was horrible for her.

  Whitney said that the guy lived in New York and she went there to hang out with him. She said that it was just her and his computer at home so she tried not to do anything on the computer. She said she was doing anything while he was at work to not get on the computer. She said that she did hit a password with him because guys are so simple. She said that they're not hard to figure out. She said she just googled a few sports players and got the password. Whitney said she didn't even know what to look for but she started looking at her own emails. She said that she wasn't able to find anything in his email so she went into his iPhoto. Then she was going to try to bait someone through his iContacts. She said she decided to check his trash and she found a bunch of vagina and boob pictures. They were pictures of a woman who was taking them of herself.

  Whitney said she didn't know what to do. Whitney said she called the guy but she got all dressed up first. She said she put on sexy lingerie and stuff like that first. She looked through his apartment to figure out what she could fuck up in there. She said the guy came home and she had rehearsed what she was going to say. She ended up losing her mind and beat the shit out of him. Whitney said she just did things that she saw in movies and freaked out on the guy. She said she was all over him punching and slapping the guy. She said it was like an out of body experience and it was like childhood rage coming out. Whitney said that she punched a wall and hurt her hand. She threw a bottle of wine and it didn't shatter like they do in movies.

  Whitney said she later found out the pictures were from like 5 years ago. She said she was thinking that they looked old at the time but it didn't sink in. Whitney said that the other girl was really pretty too so that didn't help. She said the story keeps haunting her. She said her hand was bruised and took pictures of it to remind herself of the guy. She said that she started to be friends with a guy who had the same first name as that guy she got in the fight with and she accidentally sent a 5 page email with the pictures of her hand attached to it.

  Whitney said the new guy doesn't get jealous and doesn't fight with her. She said that it makes her wonder if she's worth fighting for.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was a great moment from the roast where Whitney's panties were showing. He said they looked hot on the show. The guy said he got a little bit of a chubby from that. Whitney said if you go to her web site (WhitneyCummings.com) you can see the whole Camel Toe. Howard said he saw that picture. He said that he sees big things for Whitney. Howard said he and his wife were watching the roast together. Howard said that Beth never sends him anything nude but she sent him a couple of pictures on his phone and he loved it. Howard said she wears little panties too. Howard said that Whitney could wear little panties too. Whitney said she does when she's with guys.

  Howard took a call from a woman who asked Whitney if she still thinks about that guy she broke up with. She said she thinks that she's over it now. Another caller said that he thinks he'd be a good boyfriend for her. Whitney told him to poke her on Facebook or check her out on Twitter (@WhitneyCummings).

  Howard was going to show Whitney the picture that Beth sent to him of her in her panties. Whitney said that might make her feel bad about herself. She said she met Beth a few years ago and she's shockingly beautiful in person. Howard showed her the picture and Whitney said that's a no-pre-nup-body.

  Whitney told Howard that she does wear the small underwear with guys but she just recently got her hair lasered off down there and it makes it swampier when you don't have hair there. She said she did that because she was getting ingrown hairs down there. Whitney said she got the hair removed from around her asshole too. She said that she didn't want to leave the pubes in the back either. Howard said that every girl has that. Whitney said that she didn't feel anything back there when they did the laser so she might be a good candidate for anal. She said she has had it but it wasn't very good. Whitney said that guy was a random stranger. Howard said that's like Robin meeting that guy and doing anal. Whitney said she remembers that story. Howard wrapped up with Whitney after that and went to break a short time later.

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• Making Babies. 08/17/10. 8:40am
  After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard where they put him on the line with a Chinese restaurant. Fred also played Robert Plant's ''Big Log'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said he loves Robert Plant's solo stuff. He doesn't think a lot of people enjoy it. Howard said that he likes ''I'm in the Mood for a Melody'' too. Robin said that a lot of people may assume it's Led Zeppelin when they hear it. Howard said it's a good vibe.

  Howard said he was reading about this guy who called 9-1-1 for a ride to the liquor store. He said that you can't do that for frivolous stuff. Howard said it does seem like a waste of time to prosecute the guy. Howard had the audio of the 9-1-1 call. In the clip the guy is so drunk he can barely speak. He was asking for a ride to the liquor store but they told him he has to call someone else. The guy said the sheriff told him they'd give him a ride.

  Howard said that's ballsy to make that call. Howard said he was reading that it takes an average of 104 tries to conceive a child. Howard said he thinks it was the first or second shot with his kids. He said he has a heavy load. He said he's not joking about that either. Fred said it took them 5 years to have their kid. Fred said it didn't start off as a long quest like that. He said he jerked off in doctors offices around the city. He said they had to do IVF to have the kid. He said that it is his sperm and his wife's egg though. He said they do the mixing of the egg and sperm in a Petri dish. Fred said that the best thing to do is do it when you're young. Fred said it was painful for his wife.

  Howard said that his wife got pregnant pretty easy. Fred said if you wait a long time it can be very painful to get the eggs extracted. Fred said the thing wasn't painful for him but it was painful for his wife. He said that the only painful thing for him was dropping off his little jar with his load in it. Fred said they have some old porn in the room that he had to watch to drop his load. He said that they only had old magazines and awful movies to watch.

  Howard asked Fred if he was nervous doing that. Fred said he was okay with it. He said the nurses would run out of the room as soon as they drop you off.

  Howard wondered why they can't have good porn in those places. He said he could donate a lot of good porn. He said they get plenty around there. Fred said that they have a chair in the room and you don't know who was in there before. Fred said that it was about the size of Robin's room and he gets hard when he sees a room that size.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked Whitney Cummings. He said he thought it was going to be boring but it was good. Howard said she's tall and thin, bright and fun. He said that he's not sure what she'd be like to be with all the time but she seemed to be great.

  Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he would donate sperm to Robin if she wanted to have a kid. Howard said he would not. Howard said Robin should go to a sperm bank if she wants to do that. Howard said he wouldn't want a kid to come to him 20 years form now asking who their daddy is. Robin said she wouldn't tell the child. Howard said he doesn't trust Robin. Robin was shocked by that. Howard said he knows that she'd cave into the kid.

  Robin told him he's disgusting and how dare he say those things to her. Howard said he would have to deny her. Howard said she doesn't need a child anyway. Robin said she's hurt. This is the worst thing he's ever said to her. She said she thought they had something.

  Howard said it would be a problem because kids want to know who their father is. He said the father ends up feeling guilty too. Howard said that's why he could never do anything like this. Robin said she would be a great parent and the kid would never even ask for a father. Gary said that was the 33 on the narcissism test speaking. Howard said he never thinks of anyone but himself.

• Backwards Taliban And Beth's Ass Pic. 08/17/10. 8:55am
  Howard said he was reading in the paper that the Taliban stoned a couple to death because they were engaged to be married but they were sleeping with other people. Howard said these people are so backwards. He said that he knows that this country stands for religious freedom but this mosque down at Ground Zero just can't happen. He said that this is why it's so repugnant to the 9/11 victims and survivors.

  Howard said that more mosques will arise from the dust. He said this one is symbolic to these maniacs and this country has a real problem on its hands.

  Howard said that the President of Afghanistan is saying there should have been a trial for this couple. Howard said it's a backward fucking place. He said that when they see this mosque going up in the shadow of the World Trade Center they're going to get stimulated.

  The caller on the line asked Howard what his favorite physical feature of his wife is. Howard said he likes her nose. Howard said her ass is great too. He said that it's perfectly round with no cellulite. The caller, Lilly, asked if she has nice feet too. Howard said she has a lot of great features. Looks are not her problem. Howard said he finds her very attractive.

  Howard wanted to know who wanted to see his wife's ass. Gary asked to see it. Fred wanted to see it too. Howard said his wife never sends him anything like that. He said that it was great and he likes it. Gary asked if she'd be mad that he's showing it to everyone. Howard said he doesn't know. Gary said that she's phenomenal. Fred said that's close to perfection.

  Mike Gange came in to take a look too. Howard said he'd show them all. Benjy wanted to take a look too. Howard showed them all the picture. They were saying she has perfect curves. Jason and Brian Phelan came in to take a look too. More and more guys were filing into the studio to check it out. Doug Goodstein and Scott DePace came in. Goodstein asked if they could show it on Howard TV. Howard said no to him. Howard said that was nice of Beth to send him the picture. He said that he likes her. He's happy with her.

  Lilly was asking Howard about what Gary was saying about the show changing over the years. Lilly was saying that Gary said that they don't do bits anymore. Howard said they used to do bits but the show has evolved and they weren't really sketch driven. He said the channel 9 show was kind of sketch driven. He said they'd just do bits on the show once in a while and then moved on. Howard said they try out different things.

  Ralph called in and asked if he can shoot him that picture. Howard said no. He said he's not emailing it to anyone. Ralph asked if he'll put it on HowardStern.com Howard said he thinks it's an artsy picture. He said if she says okay to that then he'll put it up. Howard said he's not going to email it to Ralph though.

• Wacky Celebrities And Sports Stars. 08/17/10. 9:05am
  Howard said they have this guy K-Rod, Francisco Rodriguez, on the Mets who beat up his father-in-law, allegedly, and damaged his hand so he can't play the rest of the season. Howard said that there was this kid who was signed by the Indiana Pacers who allegedly pushed his girlfriend down the stairs. He said he hopes that if the guy is found guilty that they don't let him play.

  Howard said that the Mets should fire this K-Rod guy. He said that his name isn't K-Rod either, it should be F-Rod. Howard said the guy assaulted someone in the club house, allegedly, and he should be fired. Howard said that's assault. He said he read that he had some restraining orders against him before this happened. He said it's just wrong.

  Howard said that Mel Gibson crashed his car too. They have to talk about that. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Beth is going to be upset with Howard if he puts that picture out. Howard said he may not even put to out there. Howard told Mariann to send him a picture of herself in her panties. Mariann said that she doesn't want him to gag. Howard said he wants to see it. He said she's not a bad looking woman. Even with that voice.

  Howard said he was reading about Harvard and he wishes that he was smart enough to go to a school like that. Howard said he was talking to a woman the other day about some stuff and she mentioned she went to Harvard. He said he thought differently of her after he heard that. He said that's something. Robin said there are organizations that get kids into schools like that who wouldn't normally be able to go.

• Ashley Johnson, Miss Howard TV For September. 08/17/10. 9:15am
  Howard had the guys bring in Ashley Johnson who is the new Miss Howard TV. Howard said her boobs came right out as soon as she came in. Howard said she's got some body on her. He said they must be implants. Ashley said they are. She's now a 32-D from a 32-A. Ashley said she drove in from Nashville and drove straight through. She said that she had to stop for gas a couple of times but that was it. Howard asked if she had to make a doody on the trip. She said she didn't go until she got there. She said she was eating a lot of cookies and funyons on the way up.

  Ashley said her mom is only 10 pounds more than her. She's 5'7'' and 110 pounds. Howard asked Ashley how she wipes. She said that sometimes she uses wet wipes. Howard said that Robin only uses dry paper.

  Howard asked Ashley about being fully shaved. She said that she is. Howard read some notes about her and she does naked web cam shows. She dos that on Playboy Live. Howard asked who her bosses are. She said that it's some guy who used to work for Playboy. He's associated with Playboy but through this Playboy Live thing. She said that you start out fully clothed and then she works it so the guys end up paying $3.99 a minute to watch her doing her chat. She said that some guys stay on for 20-30 minutes too. She said they have a lot of restrictions about what they can talk about though. She said she gets in trouble for talking about sex toys.

  wheels called in and said that he wants to know if they can see the Beth picture on his web site. He said that Beth sent it to him so it's his property now. Howard said it's his wife and he has to check with her first. Wheels said that Howard is a pussy. Howard told him if he walks over there he'll show it to him.

  Howard got back to Ashley and asked what she does during this web cam thing. She said she poses like she's doing a photo shoot. She said she can't do any insertion. She said they have rules about that. Ashley said she can't show her butthole either.

  Howard read that Ashley lost her virginity at 15 and the guy broke up with her just a week later. She said he contacted her recently and wanted to hang out again. She said that ship has sailed though. She said that she was kind of nerdy in high school and she did a make over. Howard said he was nerdy in high school too.

  Howard read that Ashley is bi-sexual and she had her first experience at 17. She said she moved out of her parents house at that age. She said she was making enough money to live on her own at the time. She was a hotel manager at 17. Howard asked how this lesbian stuff happened. She said that they were roommates and she really wanted to try this with this girl. She said that she was a tiny blond with big, natural boobs. Ashley said she kept asking to do something but the other girl didn't want to do it. She said that she had to get her drunk to do it.

  Ashley was telling Howard about what she likes in her fantasies and stuff. Howard asked if she likes a big cock. She said she likes average. She said that she's kind of small and she needs an average size. She said that she had a guy who was like the size of a baby arm and it was just too big.

  Howard asked about the roommate thing again. Ashley told Howard she got her drunk on Captain Morgan and she got her naked. She said she left her panties on though and it was really annoying. She said that she fingered the girl the first time. She said it was pretty hot and they shared a vibrator. She said she's not sure if the other girl came. She said she didn't cum because it takes her a long time.

  Howard said that Ashley went down on a girl in a night club. Ashley said it was a private room in a strip club. She said it was a stripper she was with and the girl was pretty hot. She said they didn't get in trouble there either. She said they're not supposed to do that but she did it anyway. Ashley said she doesn't like dating girls though. Ashley said she was a stripper in that club so that's why she was there. She said that's the first time she's ever told anyone she was a stripper.

  Howard said that Ashley will do a dick check size and squeeze over their pants. She said that she'll check to see if it's too small or too big for her. She'll say that she can't do it that night and never call the guy back if it's not the right size.

  Howard said that Ashley's last boyfriend broke up with her because she wanted too much sex. She said that she doesn't get that. She said the guy was old. She said he was 10 years older than her. He was 28 when they were dating.

  Howard said Ashley likes to be choked and likes to have half time sex. She gets horny watching football. She said that she'll rip the guy's clothes off during half time. Howard said this sounds like a great girl to him.

  Howard asked if she brings other girls into her relationships. She said she can't because the guy might get interested in the other girl and it gets nasty.

  Howard read that Ashley got arrested in her house for underage drinking. Ashley said she's not even sure how that happened. She said that she grew up in a small town so maybe someone just told the cops.

  Howard read about how Ashley is going to school so he asked her who the president is to find out how smart she was. She knew it was Obama. Howard said that was the hardest question he had for her.

  Howard said you can check out Ashley's pictures at HowardTV.com and her web cam stuff on PlayboyLive.com.

  Gary asked if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She wasn't interested. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later. Mike Gange was in and said that she had a nice ass. He said it wasn't as good as Beth's ass but it was nice.

  Ralph called in and asked if Howard could send him a picture of that girl's ass. Howard said they'll have it up on his web site later. They went to break after that.

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• The Chorizo Guy Wants His Doll Back. 08/17/10. 9:45am
  After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard did to a telemarketer that called their number. Fred also played The rolling Stones ''Wild Horses'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and asked Robin if he had played this yogurt chick farting during an interview. Robin said he did not. Howard ended up listening to the Stones song for a minute and sang along with that. He said he has to write a song that makes no sense like that. He and Robin went over the lyrics for a couple of minutes trying to figure out what the song was about. No one knew.

  Howard said there were some girls doing yoga during a TV show and this one girl farts. She ends up cracking up. Howard played the clip and everyone in the room started laughing. There was an audience there so it was a lot of people laughing. Howard said the girl was hot too.

  Howard said this guy Bobby, known as The Chorizo Guy, who wrote Robin a song a few years ago has called Gary and asked for his Artie doll back. Howard said that Gary told him the doll was the biggest rip off because it looked nothing like Artie at all. Howard said the guy is an Indian giver and he gave it to Artie and now he wants it back. Howard said the whole thing is kind of funny. Howard said they threw the doll out because the head fell off. Gary said that he went to look for it and it turns out Tracey threw it in the garbage just recently when she saw the head fell off.

  Howard played the clip of bobby calling Gary and telling him that he gave that doll as a gift to Artie and he sees it sitting around in the green room. He'd like to hang it up in his bar in his basement if they're not using it. Howard said the guy said he spent thousands of dollars on that thing. It ended up falling apart though.

  Howard said Gary should just tell him the truth about it being thrown out in the trash. He said you don't ask for something back after you give it as a gift though.

• Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 08/17/10. 9:50am
  Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric's mother's will. They say that there is a hearing coming up about the whole thing next week. High Pitch just fired his lawyer and it's not clear if the will challenge will go forward. Steve said they fond that he had an IQ of 65 last summer. They tested him a few weeks back and it was just a 68. Steve ended up getting mad at the tester last year and it all went to hell and got ugly. Howard said that he wasn't that far off from Wendy the Retard. Gary said Eric had a 66 and Wendy had a 61.

  Steve also got in some plugs for Jackie the Joke Man's show and Riley Martin's show that's on at midnight tonight.

  Howard had Bobby the Chorizo Guy on the phone. He broke the news to him that the doll is in the trash. Bobby said that's cool. He said he did a song for Robin recently and he wondered if they could play it. Howard said he'd have to see if he had it. He said sometimes he rejects songs like that. He said they only take the very best. Howard let Bobby go after that.

  Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about Howard denying Robin his sperm. Howard said he didn't even have to think about that. He had Robin ask him again. Robin went into this long request for his sperm and as soon as she asked him for it, he said ''No!'' Robin said she'd write Greg Fitzsimmons foreword for him if he gave her the sperm. Howard gave in at that point.

• Beth Okays The Ass Pic For HowardStern.com. 08/17/10. 10:00am
  Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody. Fred payed her in with The Chorizo Guy's song ''Robin's Got a Squeeze Box.'' Howard said he didn't understand some of the song. It was confusing because he said that Mr. X was going to have a good night but then he said that Robin was going to break out the Chorizo and stuff.

  Gary told Howard he had Beth on the phone. Howard picked up and asked if Beth would be okay if they put it up on the web site. Beth said that she's not sure that it's that good blown up big. She's only seen it small on the phone screen. Beth asked Howard to send it to her email so she can see it big. She did say that she's been in less on FHM. She said the bathtub picture is off limits. Howard said he can't send that one.

  Howard said he has a picture of someone's ass and balls on his phone. Sal told Howard that it was his. He said he was trying to send it to intercept the Beth picture earlier. Howard said he freaked out when he saw that on there. Sal said it was on the BBM thing for the show. Howard said he didn't know it went right in there like that.

  Sal said he had Richard take the picture of him. Howard said he's going to send the picture to Beth. Beth checked her computer since she was right there. Howard said he loves email because it goes so quick. He's tried telling his parents to get one but the want nothing to do with it.

  Howard asked how he could get that picture up on the web site quick. Jon said that he has to send it to Jason and he'll get it up there. Beth said they can put that up if they put Sal's ass and balls up too. Howard said that she took it with her Blackberry phone and it was amazing. Beth said she was at a friend's house when she took it so it's not even their house.

  Beth wondered if the picture would come back to haunt her. Howard showed it to Robin to get her opinion on that. Robin said she has to think about it. Fred said it's no worse than a lingerie shot. Beth said it should be fine. She said that she's fine with it going up on the web. Beth told him to make sure that he erases the bathtub picture. Howard said he wasn't sure he wanted to but he told her he would.

  Howard emailed the picture of Beth's ass to Jason. He told him to get that up on HowardStern.com. Beth asked how long that will take. Howard said it takes forever. Howard also sent the Sal picture to Jason to put up on the site. Howard said that the listeners are going to get two bonus pictures today.

  Howard said he just got another BBM. He said that it had better not be Sal again. Howard told him not to ever do that to him again.

  Howard asked Jason how long it takes to get a picture up on HowardStern.com. Jason said that it used to take a really long time. Now it takes about 10 minutes. He said that it should be up pretty soon.

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• Robin's News. 08/17/10. 10:10am
  Howard had Robin get to her news. Robin gave a shout out to Colin Quinn who got a 3 star review in the paper today for his one man show. That's at the Bleecker Street Theater until September 4th.

  Howard took a call from Wheels who said that he has to get that picture of his wife naked up on the site too. Howard said that's his wife. Wheels said he should just put it up there.

  Doug Goodstein told Howard that HowardStern.com has crashed. Howard said that they should just close it down. Doug said it's back now but it's super slow. Howard said that her ass just crashed the internet. That's good. He said that Cindy Margolis used to claim to be the most downloaded but Beth's ass crashed the internet.

  Jason told Howard that the good news is that the Beth picture is up but the bad news is that the site is down. Howard said that's some web site there. Howard said they tell him that they can handle traffic through the roof but they obviously can't. He said it's really just a picture of Beth's ass in lingerie. He said he thought it was attractive. He didn't want people getting their hopes up too high. Howard said they flunked the Beth's Ass Test.

  Robin got to her news and read a story about the basketball player kid who allegedly shoved his girlfriend down the steps after she refused to take his calls during a girl's night out.

  Robin read a story about about a guy who got distracted when a girl showed her boobs to him at an ATM machine. She said that they stole money from him while he was distracted.

  Howard had Doug Hurwitt on the phone. He runs Howard's site. Howard said that he thought they could handle this traffic. Doug said it's a spike and they can't handle that many at once. He said Beth's Ass did break the web site and may have broken the whole internet. He said he has to call the internet and find out.

  Benjy yelled out ''I'm in!'' when he got on the site. Howard said if you keep trying you'll get in. Benjy said there might be a little tittie in the picture too. Howard said it's just the side of her tit. There's no nip. Robin wasn't able to get on the site. Benjy said that the picture was hot. He said that it was kind of hot and sexy.

  Robin read a story about Mel Gibson crashing his car over the weekend. She read the story that TMZ had about that accident. Howard said this guy is really self destructing. Howard said that Mel's career must be completely gone now. He said the guy is insane.

  Howard took a call from a woman who was calling from West Palm Beach. Howard said he loves West Palm Beach. He said he loves the weather down there. The caller said she has a job interview today and she's concerned about it so she'd like some advice. Howard told her to just look for someone who wants the job and who dresses nice and things like that. Howard asked what the job is. She said it's for a producer. Howard asked what she'd be producing. She said they do promotional videos for corporations. Howard said she had better bowl them over. Howard said she has to walk in looking professional and not slutty.

  Howard told the woman that she was annoying him already. He said he bets that she's been turned down on a lot of jobs. She said she hasn't. She said she's only been turned down on two jobs in her career. She said that she lost her job last when they went out of business. Howard gave her some advice on how to explain that job loss better. He said she has to be professional or just blow the guy who does the interview. Howard told the woman what to do and how to do it so she'll impress the people she's interviewing with.

  The caller asked Howard if SIRIUS gives him any statistics on who listens to the show. Howard said they don't. He said that they broke it down for them on terrestrial radio but not there. Howard said they had a huge female audience back on terrestrial. The caller said she thinks a lot of women listen now too. Howard said of course they do.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal's ass picture showed up before Beth's did. Another caller said he got through to the site through Verizon, easily. Robin still wasn't able to get through. She said it was just coming up a minute later.

  Robin got back to her news and read about Pee Wee Herman who says he was innocent of those porn charges that forced him out of show business. Robin said they say he was masturbating with his left hand but Pee Wee claims that he's right handed and he wasn't doing that. Robin said that a study was done that found that almost everyone uses their dominant hand to masturbate with. Howard said Pee Wee should have said that back then. Robin said they say he was trying to lay low and just get out of the spotlight after that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that there is a nip showing in the Beth picture. Benjy said it's not pornographic at all. He said there is an extension from her arm but it might not be a nipple. Howard said it's just her wrist. He said it's not a nipple.

  Ralph called in and said that the Pee Wee excuse isn't valid. Ralph said he jerks off with his left hand sometimes. Howard said that Pee Wee had to have known that going into that theater could kill his career. He said that it may have been a way to kill his character unconsciously. He said that's like Janine Lindemulder tattooing her whole arm so that people wouldn't want to see her in porn anymore. Howard talked about how great the Pee Wee character was and how he could have stuck with that for years. He said that these guys go berserk. He said that guy who played Napoleon Dynamite is like that too. He wanted to do something else and he should have just stuck with that character. He said that's the only character he should play. Howard said there should be a Napoleon Dynamite 3 out by now. He said they should have him in Spider-Man, Alien and Predator and everything else. He said they should have Napoleon Dynamite everywhere. He said he appears in movies as new characters instead. Howard said that's the guy, John Heder, you make a big poster of to remind yourself that's who you don't want to be like. Howard said most people don't have common sense. He said Heder's agent must go mental from that guy. He said that they probably have 20 million for him to play Napoleon Dynamite but he won't do it. Howard said people are stupid. He said that they could have Pee Wee Herman and Napoleon Dynamite team up.

  Robin got back to her news and read that if a man depends on his woman for money then they are more likely to cheat. Robin said that they are 5 times more likely to cheat according to a study. Howard said he knows a guy who is like that and he's cheating.

  Robin read a story about Michael Douglas and how he has throat cancer. Howard said the guy was a smoker so it's not a surprise. Howard said smoking is a big mistake and you have to quit. He said that people are not invincible. Howard said Michael Douglas is a great actor too. He said he hopes that Catherine Zeta Jones is being faithful to him. He said he likes the guy and he knows him the way Greg Fitzsimmons knows Howard Stern.

  Robin read more about Francisco Rodriguez and how he has an injury from the fight he got into with his father-in-law.

  Howard said that Sylvester Stallone is going to be calling into the show tomorrow. Howard said he has a hit movie right now so that's cool. He said that he loves the first Rocky movie and it's amazing that the guy wrote that stuff.

  Robin read about the 8 people killed in the off road racing accident that she mentioned yesterday. Robin had some audio clips of some people talking about how the guy was going way to fast when it crashed into the crowd. Robin said the driver of the truck has offered his apologies over his Facebook page.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Beth's picture and he can't get his own wife to get up to go to the gym so Howard should never complain about Beth. Howard said he gets what he's saying.

  Another caller said that her husband is sleeping with her little sister. She wanted to know what Howard thinks of that. Howard said that the sister is a scumbag and the husband is a bigger scumbag. The caller said that they even have it on their Facebook that they're in a relationship and her daughter has to see this. Howard said he's sorry she has to go through this. He said that it's the mark of a real scumbag when a guy does that, especially with a family member.

  Howard spent a few minutes talking to the woman and found out that the sister is 22 and her husband is 37. Howard said the guy is immature and it's going to be hard to recover from this. The caller said she can't sleep at night and the show means a lot to her. Howard said that the husband is a pervert and there is nothing good about this. Howard asked what her dumb sister says about this. She said that she's been told she's going to take her daughter and things like that. Howard said this is the ultimate fuck you to a sibling. The caller said her sister hates her. Howard told her she has to go on with her life and try to meet someone. He said she can't take it as a personal thing or about her self worth. Howard asked how the sex was between them. She said it was good.

  Howard asked how her weight is. She said that it's good. She said she's about 110 pounds and 5'4'' tall. Howard said that's not bad at all. She said she's the one who called about Tiger Woods a while back. She claimed that she hooked up with him but Howard didn't believe her. Howard said he doesn't know if that's true or not. She claims that she looks like Ashley Judd. Howard said that's a good look. Howard asked if she was married when she banged tiger. She said that was before she was married about 10 years ago. She just anted to thank Howard for the show because it keeps her entertained while she can't sleep.

  Howard told her to go fuck her husband's brother's brains out. She said she can't do that. Howard told her he hopes things work out for her. Her name was Melissa. Melissa told Howard she hopes that they stick around there at SIRIUS even if it's just a few days a week.

  Robin got to more news and read about the family of Pat Tillman coming out again to talk about how the investigation into their son's death was bungled. Robin had some audio of the family talking about that. Robin said that Pat was killed by friendly fire but there was a cover up over the whole thing and the family still thinks that they're stonewalling them.

  Robin read about the mosque that might be built down at the World Trade Center site. Mayor Bloomberg has come out as being in favor of it being built. Robin had some audio clips of a few people talking about that.

  Robin read about how they're going to be blocking same sex marriages in California until at least December. Howard said it's enough with this stupid debate.

  Robin read about a movie that's coming out on Friday called ''Lottery Ticket.'' She had some audio of Terry Crews talking about the movie and how dangerous winning a lottery can be.

  Robin had some audio of Matthew Perry talking about working with Jennifer Aniston in a new movie. Howard lasted about 3 seconds with that clip. Robin had some Steve Austin audio where he talked about working with Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables.

  Robin said that Jenny McCarthy is saying she's enjoying single life again after she and Jim Carrey broke up. She has moved to Las Vegas and claims she was never a fan of Los Angeles. Howard said maybe she'll show up on the show again. Robin said she thinks she might but she is doing that thing with Oprah. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.

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• Wrap Up Show - No Stern Sperm For Robin. 08/17/10. 11:10am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about the kid thing that Howard and Robin were talking about. Gary said he heard the story about that and he and Mary tried under 10 times to have their kids. He said that some people can be very sensitive about that kind of thing. He said he's known people who have struggled. Fred was one of them. Jon said that it came up with Fred and then the caller asked if Howard would give his sperm to Robin. Howard quickly said no to that. Gary said she seemed genuinely hurt by that too.

  Gary said he thinks that Robin was really shocked when she heard that even though nothing like that would ever happen. He said that she seemed hurt by the whole thing. Gary said it would be really tough to keep that a secret too. He said that you have to keep it a secret for a lifetime. You'd have to make up stories to tell the kid and it would be tough.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked who on the show would try to hook up with Beth if they had the chance. Gary said that anybody who tries to fuck their boss' wife is criminally insane. Even Sal knows not to do that. He said even Gary the Retard would know not to do that. Jon said he believes that. He said that it is the boss' wife.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he was interviewed by Howard. Gary said he ''sort of'' was. He said that Fred was the one who interviewed him at first. He said he met with Howard and Howard just did a really quick interview. He said that the questions weren't even important. He said that they gave him a call and said they'd give him a try for 2 months. Gary said that Howard likes to get a look at people to see if he can even stand to be around them.

  Jon took a call from Lilly who said that she's offended by Jon not saying that it was her who asked Howard about the sperm thing. Jon apologized for that. Gary said that they like Lilly there and they're all V-struck by her. He said she asks good questions though so she's a good caller. Lilly said she thinks about the questions she's going to ask. She really thinks that Robin was offended today and they need to discuss this more.

  Lilly said she thinks that Howard thinks that maybe Robin is in love with him. The guys talked about how maybe Robin just wanted Howard to think about it more even if it would never really happen. Jon said he thinks that she was offended but he's not sure exactly what it was. Lilly said she loves what Sal and Richard do and got off the phone a short time later.

  Another caller said that no one would want Howard's sperm. He said he's a pretty ugly guy and even Howard would admit that. Gary said that Howard has a great mind and he's not hideous. The caller said that he has a phenomenal mind but his looks aren't that great and he wouldn't want him as a sperm donor.

  Jon asked Gary if he thinks Robin will ever have a kid. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon asked about Howard and Beth. Gary said he doesn't think so. Gary said he thought it was funny that Robin said she would be such a good mother that the kid wouldn't even ask about a father. Gary said someone told him to ask her if she remembers the names of her horses when they heard that.

• Wrap Up Show - Whitney Cummings. 08/17/10. 11:20am
  Jon moved on to talk about Whitney Cummings. Gary said there were some great jokes that didn't make it to the air. He said they try not to be too hard on some people. He said that Lisa Lampanelli has said that she goes in there swinging no matter what.

  The guys talked about Whitney on the show today and how she may have lost the hottest / funniest chick contest but she's the one they've had back on the most.

  Jon brought up the story that Howard told about doing the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and how Leno screwed him over. Gary told a story about how he got called back into the studio to the offices there at the Tonight Show and Jay lit into him about the way Howard ''shit on the floor of his house'' and everything Howard does is about ''pussy, pussy, pussy.'' He said that he just let jay do his thing and he had to find a ride after that because Howard had left. Gary said that Robin Radzinski, who used to work for their E! show, was there and gave him a ride back to his hotel.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Whitney is as good looking in person as she is on her web site. Gary said she is. He said that she posts some pretty candid photos on her web site. Jon said she looked good in the pictures he saw.

  The caller said he thinks that there is nip showing in the Beth picture. Jon said he thinks it's just her wrist like Howard said it was.

  Another caller asked if they think Whitney would be a good candidate for a roaster on a roast there. Gary said she would. He said that she's the host roaster right now. The caller also asked if Howard sent Beth's ass to Bubba like Bubba does with his wife. Gary didn't know. Jon said he could see it on the web site now.

  Another caller said that they have no ability to tell if a caller is good or not and they have a lot of dead silence when callers say something odd. Gary said there are times they just have no idea what the people are talking about. The caller said the silence is crazy and it's like 10-15 seconds. Gary said it's never that much time. He said it might seem like that long but it's usually just a few seconds. They had to go to break after that.

• Wrap Up Show - Fast Food Show. 08/17/10. 11:35am
  After the break Jon brought up the Fast Food show that he and Jason did last night. He asked Gary if he was a fast food eater. Gary said he used to be. He said Howard used to be too. Gary said that Howard was a big Roy Rogers guy and so was he. Jon said that Howard seemed to be into the whole thing when he was listening to clips of their show.

  Jason came in and said there probably isn't anyone in America who hasn't been to a fast food joint. Jon asked Gary if he was surprised to hear Ross on the show last night. Gary said he wasn't surprised. He said he knows Ross is into that kind of stuff.

  Gary said he thinks that one of the healthier fast foods is Wendy's. He said that he's not even sure why but it seems healthier. Jon said that none of them are healthy. Gary said that you think you're getting a healthy meal until you read the calorie things they have up now.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Burger King cooks the burgers on a grill but then they put them into a drawer full of water to keep them warm. He said that might be why Jon doesn't like them. Gary said that the book Fast Food Nation talks about how almost everyone in McDonald's doesn't speak English so they just put pictures of the food on the register.

  Jon said he thought Jason wasn't going to make it during the show. He said he was out of it, sweaty and he didn't look good. They were worried for his health. Jim McClure said he had beads of sweat and he looked like he was getting shaky. Jason said that he was about 5 burgers in and he did feel queasy and he had to get to a break. He said he got over it and regrouped though.

  Gary said that's like when he did the chocolate show and he almost threw up eating so much chocolate. Gary asked if they talked about the Chipoltle restaurant. Jon said it was only about burgers last night. He said that they have been asked to do another show that will expand on that though.

  Jason said he has some suggestions for some other restaurants like the Cluck-U chicken places. He said they're all over New Jersey.

  Jason said he has not gone to the bathroom since the show last night. He said he's tried but he hasn't been able to go. He said he got home last night and sat there for a while and nothing happened. He said he hasn't gone since. Gary said he's going to give birth to a brick. Jason said he'll be sweating again when he gives birth.

  Gary said he used to love Roy Rogers and they used to get that regularly with Howard and Robin. They used to have pizza on Fridays too.

• Wrap Up Show - Miss Howard TV. 08/17/10. 11:40am
  Jon moved on to talk about the miss Howard TV that came in today. Gary said she had one of the flattest stomachs that he's ever seen. He said that Whitney was there and saw her and poked at her stomach saying it was so weird. Gary said that he poked his head in and said that it wasn't weird, it was normal. Gary said that it's not hard to look like that at 20 but at 40 it's impossible.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a note about Riley Martin. He said he used to be a fan of his but he's on Howard and Tim's side now. He said that Riley wants to make 80,000 a year but the guy is constantly drunk when he does his show and he's incoherent now. The guy asked what their feelings were on that. Gary said he thinks that 2 hours a week is plenty of Riley.

  Jason told him that it's going to stay at 1 hour. He said Howard was great today with the way he handled Riley and Eric the Midget today. He said he loved the way he told Eric he was done with the red carpet thing. He also loved the way Howard handled Riley with his requests.

  Another caller said that the best line of the day was ''Beth's ass broke the internet.'' He said that the site is still down now. Jason said that he was told that they have more servers up today but the site is still down. Jason said it is kind of cool that they can crash a site just mentioning the Beth picture. Jason said that they have been putting up new polls on the site and they have the rundowns getting up there quicker too. They're also putting new picture galleries up on the site. Gary said Jason has a vision for the site and he's having a tough time getting there. He's trying though.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard didn't even ask to see this girl's tits. Gary and Jon said that she came in and took her top off immediately.

  The caller asked about why they haven't had many naked chicks on lately. Gary said they don't plan that stuff out, they just book the show and go with it. He said he doesn't look at it that scientifically. Gary said they may move some girls around once in a while though.

  The caller asked if they get upset when a girl like that doesn't ride the Sybian. They know that not every girl wants to do that so they don't get pissed.

  Gary said his favorite part of the day is going back to the TV room and seeing that the guys have gotten over the whole hot girl thing and they're throwing stuff at the camera.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that there was nothing worse than hearing Jason eating last night. Jason said he had his mouth full at one point and Jon asked him a question. He said it was a risky job last night and he could have choked and died. The caller said he could see the food coming out of his radio.

  Jon took another call from a guy who said that he works for a Ford dealership and the SIRIUS guys are really pushing the service and saying that Oprah brings more subscribers than Howard does. He said that most people who get SIRIUS mention Howard and none of them mention Oprah. He said he hopes that they get to stay there and do more after this year. He said he'd even take just one day a week if he had to.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're letting Jason off the hook this week. He said that Jason is supposed to be stepping up to the plate to get the web site working. He said Jason can't just say he doesn't want to talk about it. Jason said they are making changes and he has no power over them really. He said that he's just been telling them what they can do to get it looking better and running better.

  Jon said that Howard did put Jason in charge of the web site and he is the fall guy for the whole thing. The caller said that Jason was told to get it working. Jason said that he doesn't want to talk about it because some serious stuff is going on and he doesn't want to talk about it. Jason said there are changes happening but it's a slow process.

  The caller asked if they could do this dating Robin show up there, is Jason going to be able to deliver a site that doesn't crash. Jason said he's going to have to take some notes and get back to him on that. He said that it's a lot to digest. They had to end the show a short time later.

• Dr. Laura's Retirement. 08/18/10. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''Fuck the FCC The Free Speech Killer'' song, a Baba Booey song parody, a ''Full Metal Jacket'' movie clip, Aerosmith performing ''Pink'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard started the show talking about how Dr. Laura is taking herself off of radio. Howard said he's calling for her immediate dismissal. He said that she's going to stay on for about another year until her contract is up. He said he didn't even know she was on satellite. Robin said she said she would never work on a network with Howard. Howard said that's right. He said she did say that.

  Howard said that Dr. Laura announced she's leaving at the end of this year. He said that's just not good enough. There's a guy out there with a web site called StopDrLaura.com and he's claiming victory. Howard said he's going to take that victory for himself though. He said he thinks that they were trying to get her off because of her gay shit but, whatever. Howard said Laura is probably going somewhere else. He said she's too big of a yenta.

• Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 08/18/10. 6:05am
  Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for posting that picture of Beth's ass. He was wondering if Lisa G got off on seeing that picture. Howard said he found it odd that they posted the picture along with Sal's ass picture below it. He said that kind of ruined it. He said he should have put it on a separate page. Howard said it's weird that you can't expand the picture. He figured it would get bigger but maybe that's impossible. He said people did like it though.

  Howard took another call from a guy who asked what Beth did when he told her that she crashed the web site. Howard said she was out at the North Shore Animal League so she wasn't home. He said she was out on Long Island doing stuff for them out there. He said she goes there and volunteers. Howard said he told her that the site was down and she found it amazing that people would want to see her ass. Howard said she was in her thong and he can understand why they'd want to see that. He said that it's stuff like that crashing the internet all the time.

  Howard said he'd like to know who was on the site looking at her ass. He said he wonders if Bill Clinton or Brad Pitt were on the site looking. Robin asked if they can find out. Howard said he asked Doug Hurwitt about it and said that he'd like to know where people were from while they were looking.

  The caller asked if Howard will get roasted if he retires this year. Howard said he's not sure. He said he's not sure what the final show will be there if they have one.

  Another caller said that Beth's ass is phenomenal. Howard said he realizes that he's a lucky guy when he sees that ass. He said that he looks at her and appreciates it every day. Howard said he thinks that shot is great. It was taken with a Blackberry so it's not even a professional shot. Robin said sometimes there will be a flash and that can ruin it. Howard said his phone doesn't have a flash. Howard said Beth just took the shot in the mirror. He was getting distracted looking at it on the monitors in the studio.

  Melrose Larry Green called in so Howard said he heard the voice mail that he left about how he was never appreciated there. Larry said that he got fired yesterday and his boss was a convicted bank robber. Howard said that he has to question his whole life. He said he walks around carrying his signs and stuff and he calls them leaving a vicious voice mail saying that the show wasn't good to him. Howard said Melrose could have just gone to work and not called them. He said Larry lost his job and now he's back on the phone with them. Larry said he knows he's fucked up. He's 59 years old and he realizes that he's just a fucked up human being.

  Melrose said that he was working on a tour bus in Los Angeles and they had a whole bus full of French people. He said that he got a zero tip. He said they told him he'd be making like 10 bucks an hour. He said he asked where his tip was after the ride yesterday and they fired him. Howard said he can barely speak today too. Melrose said that he had to yell on the bus. Larry said he's available to work for Howard now. He said he's available to work for anyone. Howard said he's a fair weather friend and not the most desirable guy to work for them. Howard said the guy is funny. He said he's strange and he had to let him know.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has only 55 shows left. Howard said that sounds like a lot but it's very liberating. He said he might be going out at the same time as Dr. Laura. Howard said she's got like a year left though. Howard said the people who want her fired want her out now though. He said by the end of her contract people will forget about what she said and she'll renegotiate. Howard said that's actually a smart move. Howard said maybe he'll do the same thing and just stay.

  Howard said Dr. Laura is so annoying. He said she's claiming her first amendment rights were taken away. Robin said she can say it, she just has to suffer the consequences of what she says. Howard said she can talk but she may not get some sponsors. The caller said maybe they'll give her a black co-host like they did with Imus. Howard said they could do that. Howard said people don't change that fast and Imus sure didn't. He said he's been in therapy for like 13 years now and he isn't any more sensitive than he was.

  The caller said he found that speaking out loud in an empty space is good therapy for him. Howard said that people claim that works but you don't really learn anything. Howard said you can never be honest in a journal either. Robin said she was. She said she lost one of them on a plane once. Howard said he would kill himself if he did that.

  The caller said he's working on making world peace with his whole thing. He said he keeps a journal. Howard wanted to hear his entry from yesterday. The guy was 23 and in college so Howard asked if he's a little too old for college. The guy said he's on the decade plan. he's been in for 7 years now. The guy said he's going to Monterey Bay. The guy said his mom is supporting him through school. He said she married rich.

  Howard had the guy, Dillon, read from the journal. Dillon said he couldn't give him anything specific. Dillon said he learned about some stuff from TLC and things like that. Howard said ''His poor mom...'' Dillon told Robin he would like to prove this stuff to Robin when she's out there again. Dillon said there are solutions out there and he wants to show them. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call. He said he's never going to get to the journal.

  Howard said his poor parents have had to pay for him to go to school for 7 years. Howard said some people wait to have babies for years and then they get someone like that. He said that they probably want to take their name back after that.

  Howard said sometimes people must lie about their kids. He said he was trying to watch Julia Roberts in an interview yesterday and she was talking about how wondrous her kids are. He said she has 3 kids and she was talking about how great they are. Howard said she claims that the kids are talking about how wonderful the day is and things. He said she's become the character she is in ''Eat Pray Love.'' It makes you want to tell her to shut the fuck up. Howard said Oprah is the biggest suck ass mother fucker on the planet too. He said the interview had nothing going on. Howard said Oprah was telling Julia how normal she is but she's a famous millionaire. He said the whole thing was nauseating and he had to turn it off. Howard said he wanted to hear Julia Roberts but he lost interest. He said he got through one segment and had to stop. Howard said he would like to play the interview for Robin. He said he knows she'd throw up.

  Bobo called in and said Beth's ass shot was great. He said that his wife caught him looking at it. He said that he thought the bathroom was gorgeous and figured that was Howard's. Howard said it was Beth's friend's bathroom actually. Howard let him go a short time later.

  King of All Blacks called in and said that Bobo is the biggest ass kisser of all time. He said he'd like to know what his wife looks like. Howard said he heard he has an attractive wife. King asked Robin if she was really offended yesterday when Howard said he wouldn't give her his sperm. Robin said it was kind of offensive. Howard said he could never do that. He wouldn't want her to have to keep that secret. Robin said she's never really going to ask for that. She said he could say yes. Howard said yes to her after hearing that. Howard played a song parody ''Sperm, Sperm, Sperm'' to the tune of ''Turn, Turn, Turn.''

  Howard took another call from a guy who brought up the ass shot and how it crashed Howard's site. Howard said he was talking to Beth about that and how it was one of the sexiest pictures because it was taken with a cell phone. He said that's why people love sexting. Robin said that it was something that wasn't meant to be seen and people like seeing stuff like that.

  Howard said we live in an airbrushed society and you see pictures of someone like Drew Barrymore in a magazine and she looks fit but then you see her in an untouched photo and they look fat. He said that there is a lot of air brushing going on. He said that people don't know what's real and not. When a woman takes a picture of herself with her Blackberry you're seeing reality. He said some women look like Benjy in real life and then you see them in a magazine and they look hot.

  Howard said it doesn't seem to be men that are airbrushed. He said that no one ever does that with his pictures. Robin said they do it with some men.

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• Sal And Richard Torture Gary The Retard. 08/18/10. 6:30am
  Howard said Sal and Richard were on the phone driving Gary the Retard nuts. He said that he's not sure if it's even funny. Howard said Sal calls Gary on his home phone and then they call him on his cell phone. Howard said he wasn't sure he was going to play it but the guys through it was funny so he'll play it.

  In the clip Sal calls Gary the Retard and Gary gets another call while he's on the phone with him. It was Richard calling him on his cell. Then they take turns calling Gary on both of his phones. They kept hanging up on him and calling him back. Howard was laughing as it was playing. Howard said they could do that all day long with him.

  Howard said that they could do an experiment on the radio. He said the actual phone call was 25 minutes. He said they really could have gone all day long with this thing. Howard let it play some more. Gary and Sal were saying that they were trying to call each other when they'd call Gary.

  Howard said that goes on forever. He said it keeps the guys busy. He said they cut that down from 25 minutes and he'd like to know what the world record is for keeping a retarded person on the phone. Howard said they could make that a weekend special. He said people could tune in and hear if he's still on the line.

• Wolfie's Fast Food Quiz. 08/18/10. 6:35am
  Howard said that Wolfie was inspired by the Fast Food show the other day. He has a quiz for the guys about food. Wolfie was on the phone and said that they can do this any way Howard wants to. He has questions about fast food. Howard had Jon and Jason come in to play the game.

  Wolfie said Jason looks like Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. He might have an advantage. Jason said that Jon studies fast food so he may have an advantage.

  Wolfie asked what the standard toppings are on a Quarter Pounder with cheese. Jon said it was pickles, ketchup, onions and...

  Jason said he thinks that was it. Jon didn't know what else it was. Fred said it was mustard. Jason said it's not mustard on the east coast. Fred said he bets that it's on there. Wolfie said that it is on the menu. Howard remembered there being mustard on it. Robin didn't remember anything.

  Wolfie asked what the current slogan is for Wendy's. Jon Hein said he didn't know. Jason knew it was ''You know when it's real.'' Wolfie said it's actually ''It's better than fast food. It's Wendy's.'' Howard said he doesn't know if he's digging the questions. Wolfie said he's going by the web sites and the menus.

  Howard said he'll let Wolfie ask one more. Wolfie asked which NASCAR driver is the current spokesperson for Burger King. Jon said it was Tony Stewart. He was right.

  Wolfie asked Jason ''What is the caloric content of a Big Mac?'' and gave him 3 choices. Jason went with 540 calories. Howard said he hates this quiz. He said that no one cares. Robin said Wolfie was making it boring. Howard said he didn't care and no one was even sure if the answers were right.

• Eric The Midget Begging Actor Calls In. 08/18/10. 6:45am
  Eric the Midget called in to ask about the red carpet events. He said he wanted to talk about what happened yesterday. Howard said there is nothing to talk about. He said they asked him to do it, Eric agreed to ask their questions and then said he didn't want to ask their questions. Howard said Gary knew that he was going to fuck it up. He was right. Howard said Eric said there was no fucking way he was going to ask the questions they write. Howard said he's not going to reconsider. He said he asked him to do something and he said no so he's not going to ask him to do it again.

  Howard said Eric says he wants to be an actor and he doesn't want to upset the other actors. This job just isn't for him. Howard said there is nothing to reconsider. Howard said Eric is just going to go out and ruin his show.

  Eric said he's already in California so they don't have to have him travel that far. Howard said he won't even let them film him in the car. Eric said that the one sticking point is the questions. Howard said that's the only reason they'd send him. Eric said he will do this for him or any other show if it wasn't for the questions. Howard said he can do it for anyone he wants. Robin said he's missing the whole point of why they'd send him. Eric said the questions are stupid and juvenile. He said they are below him. Howard said he's right and that's why he's staying home.

  Gary asked Eric if he's so delusional that he thinks that he's never going to work again because of asking questions like that. Eric asked if Gary thinks that anyone is listening to his one hour show after Howard's show. Eric said that there's no way Gary scored as high as he claims he did. Gary said Eric refuses to take the test because he thinks that it's fixed. Eric said he never said that. Gary asked him if he'll take a test tomorrow if he sets it up. Eric said yes. Gary said that he will set it up then. He said that he bets he beats Eric by 15-20 points.

  Gary asked him what 9x8 is. Eric said that it's 72. Gary asked what 9x7 is. Eric asked why they have to do this. Howard said that's what the IQ test will be like. Gary said he's asked the same question like 9 times in a row and he doesn't get it right. Eric said he has only had about an hour and a half of sleep tonight.

  Howard said he could be up for 5 days in a row and he'd know the answer to that question. He said if he couldn't get that answer right after no sleep, he'd get some sleep every night.

  Eric finally came up with the answer of 63 after a few minutes. Eric said he didn't have a calculator in his hand either. Howard told him to get a lot of sleep before the IQ test. Robin said that he can't be that bright if he doesn't get why they want to send him to the red carpet. Howard said that the only point is to ask their questions and he won't go because of their questions.

  Johnny Fratto was on the line and said that Eric was on the phone with him for an hour and they got him a deal with Beezid.com to help him out and they wanted him to be their ambassador. Johnny said that there's something that he signed and he may not even realize it. He said he's sending the agreement to them now. He has to be dressed like a bee to do the whole thing. Johnny said he already signed it though. Howard said that Eric has to dress up like a bee and he gets paid. Johnny said that's right.

  Eric asked if he was on Ambien when he signed that deal. Johnny said he has what Eric has and it says he has to dress like a bee. Eric said he won't dress like a damn bee. Johnny also said that his roommate, Jon, has to help him out too. Eric has the contract. He said he negotiated the deal but didn't tell Eric about the bee thing. It was in the contract though. Johnny told him to read the contract. He said that the agreement is for 6 weeks and it's great money. Johnny said they should have a copy of the contract.

  Johnny said that Jon has to dress like a flower. Eric said that's not going to happen. Howard said he shouldn't have signed the contract then. Johnny said that Jon's last name is Johnson too so it's Jon Johnson. He said that's kind of funny. Howard asked if Jon signed the contact. Eric said no. Howard said that they can't make him do it then.

  Howard asked Eric if he's going to do it. Eric said there's no way he's dressing like a bee. Johnny said that he could dress like a bee. He said he's the mascot. Fred was laughing his ass off at this whole thing. Howard said it's not that big of a deal to dress like a bee. Howard said it's basically an acting gig. Robin said there are actors who dressed up like fruit for the Fruit of the Loom commercials. Robin said there were some famous actors who did that. Howard said maybe Eric can dress up like a bedbug next.

  Johnny said that Eric is going to have to pull the trigger on this one. He said that it took him two weeks to work out this deal. He said he got all paranoid about the Emmy thing last night.

  Howard got a copy of the contract and asked Eric why he signed the deal. Eric said he did not see that in the stipulation. Johnny said it's in there. He said it's something about the costuming or t-shirts or whatever. He said they can have him wear whatever they want.

  Howard asked Eric what he's going to do. Eric said he's not going to show up dressed as a bee. He said Jon won't be dressed as a flower. Robin said they won't pay him then. Eric said he'll wear their t-shirts or whatever but not a bee outfit.

  Howard said that he had to get going. Eric said that he will ask his stupid questions. Howard said no to him over and over. Eric said he wants to do this for them. Howard said no over and over. He said Eric was the one who took it back after agreeing to do it. Howard said it's too important to them to send him there if he's not going to do the job. He can't trust the situation. Howard said he's not doing this to bust his balls. Robin said they can't take the chance. Eric asked if he was really talking to Robin. Robin said that he is.

  Fred did his impression of Eric asking his own questions at the red carpet event. Howard said he wants to believe Eric but he can't take that chance. He said he'll be the laughing stock of show business. He said even Robin would leave the show. He said she'll be like ''I told you so.'' Eric said he should let him do that if that's the case. He said he'd love for Robin to leave. Howard said that's pretty funny actually.

  Eric asked if he will reconsider by tomorrow. Howard said he's tempted to see what happens. Robin said nothing will happen. She said that it will be like the Idol show that JD wasn't even able to get through. Howard said it's not going to happen. He said goodbye to Eric. He said he'd love to get that tape and be able to yell at him.

  Howard said the Beezid people are great. He'd love to see Eric in a bee outfit. Howard said he had to go to break after that.

• Sybian Inventor Dave Lampert Calls In. 08/18/10. 7:10am
  After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to the Community Cop show. Fred also played a Billy Joel song as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said he wanted to have Dave Lampert, the inventor of the Sybian, and Little Lupe on the show. He said he wanted to get them both in there but Dave had an issue. Today he wanted to get them both on the phone but now they can't get Lupe on the phone. He said that she's apparently not very reliable.

  Howard asked Dave why he didn't want to give Lupe a ride. Dave said she jumps off the machine very fast and he needs to hold her on the machine for much longer. Dave said he'd want her to agree to that and he doesn't see that happening.

  Howard said he gets it now. Dave said that he would like Lupe to stay on the machine and respond to it like he needs her to do. Howard asked Gary if he had any luck getting Lupe on the phone. Gary said they weren't able to get her yet.

  Howard asked Dave if they can get him later in the morning. Dave said he'll be around all morning. Howard said they'll keep trying to get her on the phone. Dave said he has no problem doing it with her but he needs her to agree to do it the way he needs her to.

  Howard gave Dave a plug for his Sybian thing and let him go for now. He said he'd call back later if they get Little Lupe on the line.

  Howard said he has to see Lupe and Dave together on the Sybian. He said that you feel like a perv when you see Lupe because she looks so young. He said that she odes some hard core stuff.

  Howard said that Dave isn't sure if he can work with her. He thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Howard said Dave doesn't think he can work with Lupe. Howard said he doesn't even remember seeing Lupe hop off the Sybian. Howard said he has to make this happen before they get off of radio.

• Howard Still Unsure About His Future. 08/18/10. 7:20am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hasn't laughed so hard in his life while hearing Whitney Cummings yesterday. He told Howard that she'd be a great replacement for Artie. Howard said he's not looking for a replacement. He said she was great on the show but they got a lot of negative email yesterday. Fred said he wasn't able to find anything that said they liked her.

  Howard read some email from the fans who didn't like her. He had a bunch of negative stuff and Fred said that he couldn't find any positive feedback. Howard said he liked Whitney and thought it was great. The caller told Howard he's the greatest along with everyone else there.

  Howard said he thinks that his agent and Mel Karmazin are having another meeting today about his future. He said he called Don yesterday to get the name of a female dermatologist. He said that Tom Chiusano turned him on to a dude but Beth would rather go to a female doctor. Howard said he's recommended doctors to Beth before and they've been inappropriate with her. He said that's why they need a female doctor.

  Howard said he asked his agent what else was going on and he didn't have any updates. He said that they're meeting over his future but he's resigned himself to the fact that it could be coming to an end. Robin said they could have a funeral for themselves. Howard said they may take a few months to discuss things after this ends. If that's what it comes to.

  Howard said he has a lot of things that need to be worked out. Howard said he would like to get the Dave Lampert thing worked out with Lupe. He said that Dave is consumed with this. He thinks that it would be awesome to have the two of them working on the Sybian together. Fred played some clips of the two of them to create that scene.

• Robin's Wacky Tweets. 08/18/10. 7:30am
  Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Howard's contract should be handed to him on a silver platter. She said that Scott Greenstein has to listen to her and sign Howard. Mariann said that Robin was on Joy Behar last night and she should have gotten more time. Howard cut her off.

  Howard said Mariann just talks and talks. Howard said that Robin was tweeting last night and she was sending out stuff that didn't make any sense. He read one of them and she mentioned ''The goddesses'' which is the group that Robin used to hang out with. Howard thought they were witches. Robin said that's who they were and they reconnected recently and just hung out at PF&W last night. Robin said that's what her tweet was about.

  Howard said that they're not witches and neither is Robin. He said that there is no such thing. Robin said she called one of them and they ended up going back out for dinner. Robin said it was crazy that they weren't hanging out.

  Howard played some audio from the witch's night out. They had created a bit where they had Robin's laugh and some witch sounds.

  Howard asked Robin about what the witches are up to. Robin said that one of them is going to do a fire walk soon. Robin said that this guy Morgan Sperlock had a TV show and one of the women was a spiritual advisor on the show. That's where that whole thing came from.

• Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 08/18/10. 7:30am
  Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that Stuttering John Melendez is looking to get back in radio. Howard said he was a huge success on radio so that makes sense. Lisa said that he had posted something on his Facebook about looking to get his own radio show.

  Lisa said that Gary's book is due to the publisher by the end of this month. Robin asked if Fred read Gary's book. Fred said he read the book. He said he read it on the computer so he wasn't able to underline anything to help out.

  Lisa said that Colin Quinn was happy with his reviews of his one man show. He said he thinks he should have gotten a 4 star instead of 3 star review.

• Eric The Midget Actor Denied Red Carpet Job Again. 08/18/10. 7:35am
  Howard let Lisa go and took another call from Eric the Midget. Eric said that he has decided that he doesn't want any opportunities to pass him by so he wants to do the red carpet event with the questions as is. Howard said Will told him they have to do it because they know he'll fuck it up and it'll be funny. Will came in and said that if they're doing this for comedy then they have to let him do it. He said he's going to turn it into a complete nightmare and it'll be great for the show. Fred said that he's going to make it so bad that they won't be able to play any of it on the air.

  Howard said that they should let Eric do this red carpet thing knowing that he'll never even make it there. He said that something will go wrong. He said that he'll be a pain in the ass from the start too. Robin asked if he's going to agree to all of the stipulations. Eric said not taping him at his house or in the car. Howard asked what the big deal is about taping him in the car. Will said Eric was demanding new tires for his van. Eric said that wasn't him demanding that. He said that's what his dad says. Eric said his father is paying for the van and they want some kind of reimbursement for the wear and tear on the van.

  Will said that they're doing Eric a favor and he has to give a little bit too. Fred said they really shouldn't get involved with this whole thing. Gary said that they're willing to give him some money but they're not going to replace his tires. Gary said he was asking for them to buy stuff off his Amazon wish list too.

  Howard said he's not sure if they should get involved today. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he's with Will on one hand but on the other he's thinking it's going to be a disaster. Howard said that Eric is lying and he just wants to get on the red carpet.

  Howard took a vote. Fred said no. Doug said no. Gary said he's voting yes because it will prove that he's incapable of following through on anything. Howard said that they'll get nothing from the Emmys because there's no way Eric will be able to do it. Gary said that he's going to turn it into a whole big thing and it's going to be a disaster. Howard asked Robin for her vote. Robin sighed. Eric said he's seen people do this kind of thing and he really wants to do it. Robin said that's just Johnny convincing him to do it. Robin said yes to Howard. Howard said he was going to put Will down as a yes. Benjy gave him a yes too. He said he believes that Eric will do a good job. Scott DePace said no. He said he's going to be horrible. Fred said it's going to be pathetic. Jason said no. He said they get to yell at him for free all the time anyway. Jason is going to go to the Emmys and he's going to leave them holding an empty bag. Jon Hein said his vote is no because Eric hasn't been thankful enough for his past opportunities. JD said no. He said he's tired of Eric.

  Benjy asked Eric if he's going to read the offensive questions, straight. Eric said yes but some of the guys don't believe him. Howard said there was a late swing with the no votes. Howard said he's voting yes. Fred said that Sal is going to vote with Howard then. Howard said he's not even listening. Richard was on his way and Sal wasn't there so he didn't get votes from Sal. Richard said he's giving a no vote. Robin said that Richard looks terrible being so thin. She told him to stop dieting.

  Howard had 4 yes votes and 8 no votes. He told Eric he tried but he can't do it. Eric thanked the people who gave him a yes vote. Howard said he had to go after that. Robin said that she was reading the list of replacements for Eric and they were very funny. Robin said Eric would fuck up the whole thing. Eric said he won't. Howard said he knows he'll ask his unfunny questions. Eric said he had a change of heart and he wants to do it. Howard said he thought people would go for it but they're not. Eric said that he's changing his mind and not lying. Robin said that he's going to change his mind at the red carpet and then they're screwed. Eric said he would not do that.

  Fred said that Eric loses his balls when he stands in front of celebrities. Howard told Eric he had to get going. Eric didn't say anything.

• Phone Calls, Movie Talk And More. 08/18/10. 7:50am
  Wheels called in and said that this Dr. Frank Ryan who did the plastic surgery on Gene Simmons drove off the side of a cliff when he died in his car while texting.

  Wheels told Howard he should give up his therapy. Howard said he's been enjoying his free time now that his doctor is off for the month. Howard said he has a lot of time now and the therapy thing is a whole rigmarole that he has to deal with. He said he thinks it helps him out though.

  Wheels asked Howard if he thinks that he owes Gabourey Sidibe an apology now that she has a job on a TV show. Howard said he doesn't owe her anything. He said he doesn't see roles for fat people in movies or TV and she's not going to get a lot of jobs.

  Howard said he had to take a break but he just found out that one of the interns there is running for Miss New Jersey. Howard said she's going to be in a pageant. He wondered what you have to do to get into a pageant like that.

  Gary said someone just sent her out to get food. Her name is Lexie. Gary said that he's not sure who sent her out. Benjy was the one who sent her out for food. Howard was going to bring her in to ask about it. Howard said that they sent her out as soon as they talked about bringing her in there. Howard said all of the key players were in there when he talked about that. Gary said that they didn't know he was going to bring her in. Howard said he doesn't have the energy to argue.

  Howard said Sylvester Stallone is going to be calling in this morning. He said that he's got a number one movie out right now. Howard said he'd like to see the movie but they won't send him a screener. Howard said that Matt Lauer gets a copy of every movie and he doesn't even talk about them on his show. Howard said Bon Jovi also gets them and never tells anyone about them. Howard said he would watch and tell people to go see it if he likes it. When he doesn't like a movie he keeps his mouth shut. He's nice like that.

  Howard said that he doesn't get any screeners but then he said he did get the Pat Tillman story movie. Robin said she wants to see that. Howard told the story about how he got killed by friendly fire in the military and they covered it up. Howard said the family is saying that it's incompetence and some of the guys were just anxious to get into a firefight so they ended up shooting Pat Tillman. Howard said his youngest brother made a speech at his funeral and it was a great speech. He said the brother was saying that his brother is just fucking dead, he's not in heaven and he didn't believe in any of that stuff.

  Howard said he's not even sure what the movie is called. Robin said she thinks that it was just The Pat Tillman Story. Howard said that might be right. Howard said Michael Moore is going out and promoting this movie. He's apparently not making his own anymore and he's promoting other people's movies. Howard said he'll give Robin the movie to watch but he needs it back by tomorrow. He said his name and Gary's name are imprinted on the movie so they can't distribute it.

  Howard said that he has a bunch of things to play after the break. He has a lot of audio clips to play. Robin said that Nadya Sulemon has written a book and no one is picking it up to publish. Robin said no one wants to know how to raise 14 kids. Howard said he would read a book about her but not a book written by her. He said her life is loony. Robin said that she heard about that when she did the Joy Behar show last night. Howard asked what she did on that show. Robin said she was on with a couple of other people and they talked about body image and things like that. Robin said they had a person from Elle magazine there and a plus sized model. Howard asked if there was any yelling going on during that interview. Robin said there was no yelling. She said it wasn't like that. She said that she was just sharing some stories she read in the paper about models and things like that. They had to go to break a short time later.

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• Larry King And Dr. Laura Audio Clips. 08/18/10. 8:15am
  After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a bakery using Mike Walker audio clips. Fred played Hoobastank's ''The Reason'' (live in the Howard Stern Show studio version) as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and Robin was laughing. Howard asked what was funny. Robin said she was singing to the song and she thought Howard was trying to catch her. Howard said he wasn't. He started to sing to the song too. He said he'd like to know what happened to that band. He said that the lead singer was a little too cocky. He said they were nice guys but he was a little cocky. Howard said the guy was an Asian looking guy. Robin said he was Asian.

  Howard said he wants to be the guy who does the harmony. He said he could do that. Howard said he thinks he could be content with that. Howard said everyone wants to be something they're not. He said he'd like to fuck with the foot pedal as a guitar player too. He said he loves that and it looks so cool. Howard said he'd like to be like Richie Sambora with the guitar and the occasional harmony.

  Howard said that Sylvester Stallone will be calling in soon. Robin asked why he just calls. Gary said that he offered to come in live but they weren't there last Friday. Howard said it wasn't even Stallone's fault. Howard said it was them for not being there enough.

  Howard said he had some clips to play from the Teen Choice Awards. He said he doesn't even know where to begin. Howard said he might have to get to the Dr. Laura clips too. He said there's this big move to get rid of her so she just said she's going to retire at the end of her contract in a year. Howard said she's claiming she's leaving radio. She told that to Larry King.

  Howard played some of the audio of Larry King talking to Dr. Laura about what she said on her show and what he thought of the whole thing. Howard was grossed out by Larry. He goofed on his voice. Then Larry said something about a ''non N-person.''

  Howard said that Louis CK has a great bit about that and how saying ''the N-word'' makes people think of the actual word. Howard replayed the Larry King clip where he brings up the ''non N-person'' thing. Howard said Larry should be thrown off the air for doing that. Howard said everyone is so confused.

  Howard let the Dr. Laura clip play through. She was talking about how she took herself off the air that day that she used the N-word and had policed herself by taking herself off the air. She thought she had taken care of the problem when she apologized for doing it.

  Howard said she's such an asshole. He said he's glad she's leaving. Howard said he'd like her to leave for other reasons than the N-word though. He said that she has said other stuff that's even worse.

  Howard played more of the audio and Dr. Laura was talking about how her contract is up at the end of the year. She said she has decided not to do radio anymore after that. She says she thinks that it will bring back her first amendment rights when she gets off the air. Howard said that he doesn't get that because she hasn't lost any rights. Some people just didn't like what she said. Howard and Robin were talking about what a dumb comment that was from Dr. Laura. Then Howard said he had Sylvester Stallone on the phone.

• Sylvester Stallone Calls In. 08/18/10. 8:30am
  Howard had Sylvester Stallone on the line so he moved on to talk to him. Howard asked Sylvester about how he did it with this latest movie. Howard said he's in his 60s now. Howard asked if he can still get it up. Sylvester said of course he does. He said it all depends on your partner. Howard asked if he uses Viagra. Sylvester said he keeps them in a Pez dispenser. He said his wife is hot and she still rings his bell. That's it. Howard asked if she does everything including blow jobs. Sylvester didn't answer. He just said you don't need anything if your partner is hot. Howard asked if he still has a thick erection. Sylvester sounded a little shocked by the line of questioning. Howard said his mom and brother used to say he was thick and had nice sized balls.

  Howard said that Sylvester has made a good point. He said they haven't really made any points yet. Sylvester said that he's been with his wife for 13 years and she still looks hot. He said he could light a match off of her shoulder because she's so hot. He said he would dump her if she wasn't so hot. Sylvester said that he's very shallow when it comes to that stuff.

  Howard said that Jean Claude Van Damme turned down this movie. So did Steven Seagal. Howard said that they must be kicking themselves in the head. Sylvester said that Van Damme might be. He said that he was in Kiev recently and the host there was asking about how he gets along with him and he was saying that it's mind boggling how he wanted to do romantic stories instead of that kind of thing. Sylvester said Jean Claude was saying that it was going to be all about himself. Sylvester said that he didn't want anything to do with an action film.

  Howard said he can't believe that anyone like that would turn down that job. He said it's great for everyone in the movie but not good enough for Jean Claude. Sylvester said that he was supposed to come to the event that night but he ended up on the phone with him in Kiev. Sylvester said he asked him if he was sorry he didn't do the film and he said that he was. He said he'll put him in another film where he can fight Jet Li to the death.

  Howard asked if he had trouble selling this movie to the studios. Sylvester said it was very tough. He said no one wanted the movie. He said that they were telling him that they weren't feeling it or seeing it. Sylvester said that it was a tough sell. Howard said it had to be depressing to him. Sylvester said that it was. He said he wrote the script and it had a ton of rewrites. He said they did about 135 of them. He said he kept coming up with ideas and kept bringing in characters so he had to rewrite the whole thing. He said it was a long process.

  Howard asked how many years it took to write this thing and if he thinks that Hollywood turns their back on people. Sylvester said he understands the nature of the beast and he knows how to handle the talent. He said that actors are the most dispensable thing in a movie.

  Howard said he's glad he beat that ''Eat Pray Love'' movie. Sylvester said he wasn't sure they were going to. He said it was rough in the beginning. Sylvester said that they were hoping to catch it in the long run but the studio was nervous.

  Sylvester said that the other movie had 3 times the budget they had and sometimes you just have a miss. He said that you can think that you have a great movie and it just doesn't work. He said that Scott Pilgrim was tracking better than their movie but they didn't end up doing as well.

  Sylvester said that his movie was as simplistic as you can get but that worked. Howard asked what the call was on Saturday. Sylvester said he was depressed and didn't even want to answer the phone. He said that he took 7 years to do Rocky Balboa and he thinks about the big picture. He said that they finally got there and it was tough. He said he wanted to go out with a little dignity with this film and he didn't think it was going to happen. He said there was a lot of struggle with this one.

  Sylvester said he got a call around noon and he figured that no one wanted to call because things were bad. He said he got the call from his business partner letting him know that they did beat the other movie. He said it was a big relief.

  Howard asked who he called first after that. Sylvester said that he just sat there and didn't call anyone. Howard asked if he banged his wife hard. Sylvester said he tried but she wanted no part of it. He said he was in that frantic mood and his wife wanted him to just enjoy the moment. He said she thought he was too hyper. He said he pretty much just sat in the house and stared at the wall.

  Sylvester said he called Arnold first and then went out to lunch with him. He said they went to this club house at Cafe Roma and Arnold said that it was fantastic. Sylvester said he was fantastic and he was showing up at premieres all over the place and he wasn't even asked to do it. He said it was unbelievable that he was doing that. He said they should have been doing movies like that from the start.

  Howard said that Rocky 6 did about $200 million. He claims that he hasn't seen a penny from the gross of the movie take. Sylvester said that when they sell foreign films they make deals and they spend so much money that they never make money. Howard said that he should ask for a percentage of the gross and not after they take out all of the advertising and stuff. Sylvester said they get a lot of people involved and he can't just drop it because the movie will just get lost.

  Sylvester said that one of the other guys in the Rocky movie asked for some more money and he had to go in and take it out of his pay to make it happen. He said that this is all for the love of the game when he did the Rocky movie. He said that if the Expendables makes money then he'll have it made. Howard said it sounds like it won't make any money and it makes the whole business sound awful. Sylvester said that you have to go through the box office reports to figure out what the movies are making. He said that he wants to be paid off of what they say the movies make in Variety. He said that's public record so he can go by that to get paid.

  Howard said it sounds like he has to go chasing after his money. Sylvester said that is the way it goes. He said these days you make money but only if there's a sequel. He said the money for the Rocky movies didn't start coming in until the second one. These days movies don't stay out long because they're gone within weeks. Movies used to be able to grow over 6 months but now they're out within a few weeks.

  Howard said after all of this he'd think that Sly's wife would blow his brains out. Sylvester said he doesn't know her very well. He said she's very modest. He said the sex is great but she's very modest. He said she wants to be romanced and stuff.

  Howard said Sylvester sounds like a guy who has been in therapy. Sylvester said he hasn't. Howard said he just means that he seems to understand that it's more than just sex. Sylvester said that he's not even allowed to hold hands with her in public. He said she doesn't want to cause any waves.

  Howard told Sylvester to take a picture of his wife's ass on his phone and send it to him. Sylvester laughed. Howard asked Sylvester how things are in his 60s. He said they're good if you can hold yourself together physically.

  Howard said Sylvester broke his neck on this film. Sylvester said that Steve Austin hit him so hard that he had a bone spur and it went into his spinal column. He said he had to have surgery on that. Howard said Dolph Lundgren punched him so hard in the Rocky movie that he almost killed him. Sylvester said that he almost died from that punch. He said the guy is like a Viking and he saw him in a real fight on the set. He said in the movie they had to make the fight look real so they tried to make it look like the real thing. He said he wanted the audience to think it was real. Howard said he punched him in the chest and almost stopped his heart. Sylvester said that Sam Kinison died from the steering wheel hitting him so hard that it damaged the sack around the heart. He said that's what happened to him.

  Howard said that Sylvester got shingles from working out so hard. He also broke his neck during the shoot and Jean Claude Van Damme said it was fake. Sylvester said that was a real thing. He said he wouldn't say he broke his neck just to publicize a movie.

  Howard asked Sylvester about being water boarded in this movie. Sylvester said he tried it out just to see what it was like. He said that it's like drowning because you're breathing in water. He said it was really rough.

  Howard said that Sylvester could walk in with a shitty script tomorrow and they'll give it to him. Sylvester said that's not true. He said he still has to have a good script. He said things have changed with movies these days. Howard said he should do a sentimental action film. Sylvester said he would do that in a second. He said he'd probably have to die in the film. Howard said he'll write something up and send it to him.

  Howard asked Sylvester where his wife is. He said she's sleeping upstairs. Howard asked if he banged her last night. Sylvester said he didn't remember. Howard asked about his kids and how many daughters he has. He said he has 3 and it's going to be tough now that they're getting older. He said the Paparazzi are all over and they find you no matter where you go. He said he doesn't want his kids being photographed but it's tough to avoid it.

  Howard said he has to be in a bad situation because so many guys are going to want to bang his kids. Sylvester said that he doesn't like being touched by guys so when guys are with them it's going to be like banging him.

  Howard asked Sylvester if he thinks that they should be allowed to build the mosque at ground zero. Sylvester said no. Robin and Howard asked what he thinks about Mel Gibson. He said he likes Mel and he's always been good to him. He said that there are a lot of vultures that come down on you when something like this happens. He said it could happen to anyone.

  Howard took a call from Leslie West who thanked Sly for putting ''Mississippi Queen'' in the movie. Sylvester said he had to. He said it fit right into the movie. Leslie said that he had a guitar in the movie that he's linked to as well so it's like a double hit for him. He said that he still owns the rights to the song so he gets some money from that. Sylvester said that sometimes it's hard to get the rights to the music because the record companies won't make the deal. He said the artist might want the song in the movie but the record company makes it impossible.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said that he has made some films, for YouTube, and Sylvester is a big inspiration.

  Another caller talked about the Lords of Flatbush movie and wondered about the background about the movie. Sylvester told the guy about how that movie came about and how they had Richard Gere and Robert De Niro lined up to do it. He lost Gere when he got into a dispute with him. He said they finally ran out of dialog in a couple of scenes so he made up his own stuff. He said that's how he got his career in writing going.

  Ralph called in and said that he really enjoyed the movie. He said he read about how he blamed Tim Burton's Batman for the decline of action movies. Sylvester said that he doesn't blame him but when you put on a uniform that shows you as being chiseled, it kind of takes away from the guys who actually work out to look like they have muscles. Howard said that's right because Michael Keaton didn't have a lot of muscles. Ralph said it was a brilliant idea. Sylvester agreed but he said that anyone can fill those roles and they don't need the physical guys anymore.

  Another caller asked how many women Sylvester has been with and how many at once. Sylvester said they know he's not going to answer that. Howard said he was looking at the list of women he's been with. He said that Susan Anton was on the list. Howard said he always had a thing for her. Sylvester said that he did know her. He said they went out for about a year. He said she had a great personality. He said that Dudley came into the picture and she went to two different extremes. Howard asked if she was good in bed. Sylvester wasn't talking. Howard asked if she was into anal. Sylvester just said ''Oh my god...''

  Howard wrapped up with Sylvester and said that he hopes that they get to see him soon. He said he's done amazing things with the movies he's had at number one. He said it's really amazing. Howard said he wants to meet Sly's wife and talk to her one on one. Sylvester said he'll pass that along to her. Sylvester said that it's not over until it's over and that's the message he wanted to pass along to the audience.

  Robin asked what Frank Stallone is up to. Sylvester said that he's been selling out concerts, singing, in Australia. Howard said he misses that guy. Sylvester said that his brother has stories to tell now that he's selling out. Howard asked how his mom is doing. Sylvester said she's doing fantastic and his dad is doing his own thing in Florida too. He said he has a young half brother down there. He said he's like 14 or 15 years old. Howard asked if he talks to his dad. Sylvester said it's not a lot. Howard asked when he last spoke to him. Sylvester said he's not going to say. He said he's not going Freudian today.

  Sylvester said he had a DVD on his desk of his mother talking to Howard about the ass readings thing. He said that he was in absolute awe back then. Howard let Sylvester go after that. Howard said the quickest way to end the interview with him is to talk about his family.

  Howard said Sylvester doesn't get along with his father. He said that it was the best when his parents would go at it with each other. He said they had to bleep the hell out of them back then when they were on terrestrial. He said he wishes they were on satellite back then. They had to go to break a short time later.

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• A Few Minutes With Lexi The Intern. 08/18/10. 9:30am
  After the break we heard a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard spoke to an author with Sal doing his Andy Dice Cottontale voice. Fred also played Sheryl Crow's ''All I Wanna Do'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said that his wife hates this shirt he's wearing. Robin said it wasn't very flattering. Howard said he'll get rid of it then. Howard said Ralph thought it was nice but Beth hated it. Howard said he walked out today and Beth told him she hated it. Toni hated it and Robin hated it too so he'll get rid of it.

  Howard said he'll give the shirt to Benjy or Tim Sabean. He said it would be nice and tight on Benjy. Howard said he liked it. He said it was like Johnny Cash looking. Robin said the cut is awful for Howard. She said it makes him look wide.

  Howard said Sal's wife puts sexy pictures of herself on her Facebook. He said he feels bad for him.

  Howard got Ralph on the line and told him about the shirt. He said he thought it looked good but no one else does. Howard said Beth thinks that he should wear tighter clothes since he's so thin.

  Ralph said he was calling into say that the Stallone interview was great. He said it's great to hear how the business treats a guy like that. Howard said that you're never on top. Howard said that it showed how bad they treat stars like that in Hollywood. Howard said the guy likes doing the job though. Ralph said it was really good stuff. He said he was proud of Howard. He also thanked him for taking his call during the interview. Howard said Ralph came up with a relevant question during the interview.

  Howard said he had a lot more to get to but it was getting late. He said that he never go to Lexi the intern either. He said that he'd like to know what it takes to become Miss New Jersey. He said he has like 3 seconds for this conversation. Lexi came in and said that she's trying to be Miss New Jersey for the Miss USA pageant. She said she has been in other pageants and she has been a finalist. She said that she would move on to the Miss USA Pageant in Las Vegas if she gets picked. Lexi said her principal suggested that she try out for it. She said that she has to wear a bathing suit and it has to be a bikini. She said they have judges who are from a wide variety of jobs.

  Howard said he may have to get into judging when he retires. He said that might be good for him. He said he'd like that. Lexi said they do the bikini thing and then they do the interview. She said they don't have a talent portion to the pageant. Lexi said she has to wear an evening gown for part of it too. Lexi said she has a coach this year. She said she never had one before. Lexi said she thinks that she has a shot too. Howard asked if she'll give up if she doesn't get in this year. She said she might but she'll have to see how it goes.

  Lexi told Howard what the judges ask about and how that whole process works. Howard asked her a question that was asked during a pageant once where the girl wasn't able to come up with an intelligent answer. Lexi was able to form a sentence so she was able to answer the question. She was also saying she's for gay marriage because her friends is gay. She said that she could fall in love with a black man when Howard asked about that. Howard said they'll have to see how it goes.

  Howard asked how her internship was. She said it was great and the staff was wonderful. She said it was great to speak to Howard and Robin too. Robin said they'll be rooting for her. Howard told her that Ronnie may be able to advise her on the bikini too.

• Howard 100 News, Wrap Up Show And Intern Show Previews. 08/18/10. 9:45am
  Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about Eric the Midget's promotion deal with Beezid.com. They do stipulate that he has to wear their clothing and they must respond with a buzz sound when they are out in public. They must also have a Beezid sticker on his wheelchair.

  Steve said that they're saying that Artie Lange may be playing John Belushi in an upcoming Biopic. Howard said he hadn't heard that story. He said that the news shows are still mentioning him in the American Idol talks. Howard said he has no problem with most of what people are saying but some are saying that he'd never be on the show. Howard said he would do it if they gave him the right deal though.

  Howard said that the job is just dumb. He said that if they were going to pay him 15 million and give him some points in the show, then maybe he'd do it. Howard said he'd make the contestants do some weird stuff if he was a judge. Howard said he guesses that he could do it if they gave him the right money. He wouldn't care how they ran the show if they paid him right. Steve wondered how he could do it knowing that they allegedly fix the votes.

  Howard was going back and forth wondering if he could really do the job. He said he would be using 1 billionth of his talent on that show. Robin said that they should get a lesser known record company guy or someone like that to do the judging. Howard said he could get pretty brutal with the contestants telling them that show business just isn't for them.

  Howard said he is free in December as of right now. He said if they really want him, now is the time to get him. Howard said that he needs more than $15 million though. Howard said his parents would be great judges on that show. He said they're great at picking people apart. He said they could be co-judges. He said he may create his own judging show on Howard TV and make his parents the judges. Howard said there was a network that wanted him to do a show that's coming out soon. He said that they were ready to do the whole deal with him. He said that he thought about it and figured it just wasn't right for him. He said he's too talented and over qualified for that job. He said his audience would be pissed if they only got to see him on TV for a few seconds a week.

  Howard played some clips of some reporters talking about someone like Howard Stern being part of American Idol. Howard said they had some nice comments about him.

  Howard said another guy said the odds of him being on the show were about 1000 to 1. Howard played that clip and they were talking about other people who have been named. They had a bookie saying that there's very little chance of Howard Stern being on the show. Howard said he knows he's not going to be on but he's insulted that this guy thinks he's not going to be on. He said that was insulting. Howard said he should go on the show just so that guy loses his shirt.

  Steve said they have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge and the Bubbapalooza they just had recently. They also have a story about Bubba's new club that's opening tonight.

  Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to try to cover today. That led to Howard reading some email about Beth's ass picture from yesterday's show. There were a bunch of people who were getting off on that.

  Howard said that they got a list of where people were logging on to HowardStern.com from. They were coming from all over the world. Howard read through all of the countries and it seemed to be from just about everywhere.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the doctor guy who died in California. He said he's not sure if it's true if he died while tweeting or texting but if it was, good riddance. Howard said that it's wrong to text while driving because they're going to end up killing someone. He said that there's something wrong with you if you do that. He said it might be even worse than drunk driving.

  Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. He said they have Lexi the intern and their epileptic intern coming on the show too. He had a seizure and now his jaw is wired shut. He said they'll get the full story about that. He said this is their last show before the interns leave for this semester. They spent a couple of minutes talking about epilepsy and what that's all about. Steve said this intern has issues with women because he's afraid that he'll have a seizure while having sex. The intern show is on at 7pm tonight on Howard 101.

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• Robin's News. 08/18/10. 10:05am
  Howard had Fred play Robin in with a song parody. Fred played a Little Mikey song ''Robin Could You Please Whip Out Your Tits.'' He also played her Guatemalan theme music.

  Robin got into her news and read about the Craigslist killer and how he had this fiancee who was supporting him before he tried to kill himself. He scrawled her name in blood on the prison wall. Howard said there was some other weird reference in there too. He said he wrote ''pocket'' or something. Howard said maybe it was a nickname like Michael Jackson's son Blanket. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how creepy that whole situation was. Howard said that Jackson was being put to sleep by a medical doctor and that couldn't be good for the kids to see. Howard said their dad had a nose that fell off too. He said that it was like a house of horrors. He said it had to be crazy to see all of that shit. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes goofing on Michael Jackson.

  Robin read a story about a flight attendant who took custody of a 13 month old child after the mother slapped it. Howard said he never sees cool stuff like that on his flights. Robin said the cops say that the parents were arguing on the flight before the slapping incident. They apparently slapped the child in the face to get it to stop crying. Robin said they took the child to the back of the plane after seeing the slapping. Police said she did the right thing by taking the child. Howard said they had to go to break after that.

  After the break, around 10:20am, Howard came back and talked more about Dr. Laura and how she won't leave radio. He said that TMZ just wrote an article about her being a serial quitter. She did the same thing on TV when she had a TV show back in 1999. She threatened to not do the deal with CBS if they didn't muzzle Howard Stern. Howard said this is just a bullshit move. He said she isn't going anywhere.

  Robin read a story about a woman who killed her kids by putting them in her car and rolling it into a river. She ended up confessing to crime when she said she killed the kids with her own hands before driving the vehicle into the water.

  A caller asked Howard why he didn't ask Sylvester Stallone about Angie Everhart. Howard said he thinks he did that the last time he spoke to Stallone.

  Howard took another call from a guy who kept saying hello. That led to Howard saying Gary's ''Hello, hello'' from his ''take me back'' tape. A short time later he was playing more of Gary's tape. Gary said it was 10:20 and he thought they were getting out of there early today. Howard played the ''Hello, hello'' part and wondered how someone with that intelligence could do something like that.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said he's worried about him. He said he saw the picture of Beth and said there is no way he's fucking Beth right. He asked how he could wear a condom with that. Howard told him not to worry about his sex life. He said it's healthy. Howard said he doesn't know he's not fucking his wife right. The caller said he can tell. Howard said he's sorry he put that picture up. He said it's causing all kinds of anger and jealousy.

  Howard said every black man tells him he's not fucking right. Howard said he used to have sex with girls in a room where another guy was listening and that guy told him he wasn't fucking them right too. Howard said he's doing just fine though. The caller said that Howard has talked about stuff before and he knows he's not doing it right. Howard had to let that guy go when he didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

  Robin got back to her news and said that there are women getting hymen renewal operations in China. Men over there are wanting to marry virgins so they have the surgery done to make them think they're virgins. Howard said that government is so bad to their people. Howard said he was reading about how bad things are out there. Howard said they wrote about this guy who makes little Statue of Liberty statues and he has to pay people to make them and his business is being stolen by the Chinese. They don't pay their people anything over there and they've become rich and powerful at the expense of their people. He said they don't even have a middle class over there. He said that's the great thing about this country.

  Robin read a story about people who drive around with their dogs riding shotgun. She said it can be dangerous. Robin said they say that unrestrained dogs can injure passengers in a crash. She said that a 10 pound dog can exert 500 pounds of force in a 50 mile per hour crash.

  Robin read about how Mel Gibson's ex, Oksana, is due in court today for a child support hearing.

  Robin said there's a ''LOST'' memorabilia auction happening this weekend. She mentioned some of the stuff they'll be auctioning off.

  Robin read about a gay high school student who was left out of the year book and is now suing the school. Robin read that the girl dressed up in a tuxedo and they left her out because of that.

  Robin read about a man who sent his estranged wife a Facebook friend request which violated his restraining order.

  Howard talked about how his cable is giving him problems with the picture and sound cutting out. He said that maybe there are too many people with cable. Robin said she's not having that problem. Robin said she had her TiVo looked at and that fixed the problem she had.

  Robin read a story about how email is getting to be too slow for some kids these days. Howard said it's just as fast as anything else. Robin said you need a device to open it on though. Robin said that texting is the way most kids prefer to connect now.

  Robin read a story about some rap stars and the kind of money they're making. She ran down a whole list with their incomes from last year.

  Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin talking about the mosque that they want to build down at Ground Zero. Palin was saying that Obama just doesn't get it. Howard said he worries when he's on the same side as Sarah Palin. That's making him think he's wrong. Howard had some edited together clips of Sarah Palin that he played after the real clips. He had one that went on and on for a good minute or so. Howard said he wishes that she had said all of that stuff. Then he would have voted for her.

  Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the economy and how the republican party is against helping people out.

  Robin read about Rod Blagojevich and how he was found guilty on just one charge out of the bunch he was up against. Robin said they're going to have a retrial hearing later this month. He was up on 23 charges and they were only able to find him guilty of one. Robin had some audio clips of Rod's brother talking about that. He was charged with some stuff in the case as well. She had some audio of some Illinois residents talking about the case too.

  Robin read a story about the mosque that may be built down near Ground Zero and had some audio of a guy talking about how it's going to be like 2 blocks away and how they're not doing this to be insensitive.

  Robin read about how high the ratings were for the David Hasselhoff roast on Comedy Central. Robin said that it was watched by over 3 million viewers. Howard said he happened to love Joel Gallen who was the producer of that show. Howard said Whitney Cummings was pointing out what he had written to her and Joel wrote in and said that there are two sides to every story. He read Joel's note and he was saying that they never said they couldn't do any jokes about Pam. He said he just asked her to cut 2 of the 5 jokes about Pam. Joel also said he felt the jokes were hurtful and not funny and they were similar to the other jokes she was doing. Joel also said that he knows Whitney was upset with his editing but he takes that very seriously. He felt that half of her stuff tanked and that's what he cut out. Howard said that was Joel's side of the story.

  Robin asked Howard if he remembers The Gap Band. Howard thought he did but ended up singing the wrong song. Robin said the bass player in the band has said that his brother passed away. Robin said he was only 53. They figured out some of their songs and Gary sang a little bit of what he knew.

  Robin read about a hockey player getting married to Hilary Duff. Howard said that will never work out. He said hockey player marriages never work out. Robin said that Hilary is 22 and the husband is 29. That led to Howard talking about how his father called him a moron as a kid but he should have been yelling at his father about how shitty he was doing. They were living in Roosevelt and his father was driving a shitty Mercury Montego. He said he would have liked to have had some kind of inheritance to rely on. Howard said he should have told his father to get to work and make some money. He said he would have done that if he had the balls. Howard said his dad worked his ass off but he wonders where the money is to show for that. Howard said he would have liked that cushion. Howard said Robin's father never called her a moron. Robin said he did too. Howard said that guy had no right to call Robin a moron. Robin told him that he wouldn't want attention if he had gone through what she went through.

  Robin read a story about how government officials are going to loosen restrictions on travel to Cuba. Howard said there's nothing to see or do down there. He said he can't imagine going down there. He said he'd rather go to Afghanistan.

  Robin had some audio of Jennifer Aniston talking about how she stays in shape while talking about her new movie. Howard said that's something he'll listen to. Jennifer was talking about how she diets and exercises and just changes it up. She said she tries to do something to get pumped up every single day. Howard said she sounds angry when she's answering questions. He said she has a hell of a body though.

  Robin had some audio of Paul Walker talking about his new movie ''Takers.'' Howard lasted about 3 seconds with that clip. Howard said no one is going to see that movie. Don't worry about it.

  Robin had some Dr. Laura audio. It was Dr. Laura talking about how she has lost her first amendment rights. Howard said she was trying to show people how hip she was when she used the N-word.

  Robin said that Brian Wilson has updated some Gershwin tunes. Howard said that sounds crazy to him. He said Brian might still be crazy. Robin had some audio of what the new versions sound like. Howard played those and laughed. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.

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• Wrap Up Show - Sylvester Stallone. 08/18/10. 11:10am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about Sylvester Stallone. Gary said that it's hard to believe he's in his 60s. He said that his first Oscar may have been around the time of John Wayne's final. He said he looked like a kid when he was picking it up.

  Jon asked Gary about his favorite Stallone movies. Gary said he liked the Rocky movies. Jon said that the first 3 Rocky movies were great. He said that Rocky Balboa was good too. They went over some of the other movies like Rambo and things like that.

  Gary and Jon talked about the way they track movies and how interesting it was to hear Sylvester's thoughts on the way that worked with his latest movie. They talked about how he was saying you don't usually see money until the sequels.

  Jon said Sylvester said that actors are like horses and they just get put out to pasture. Gary said it was interesting to hear him talking about working with Arnold Schwarzenegger and hanging out with him. They found all of that interesting.

  Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Sly about his sex life. After the clip Gary said that was interesting too.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they think Sly's worst movies were. He said he didn't like ''Over the Top.'' Gary said he'd have to go with some of the comedies he's done. He said that ''Stop or My Mom Will Shoot'' wasn't very good. He was also in Spy Kids 3D and Jon said that didn't register with him very well. The caller said that First Blood was a good one. The guys went over some of the other movies Sly was in.

  Ralph called in and said that he liked Copland. He said that movie is really underrated. He said that he loved Judge Dread too. He said he liked the costume and the whole movie. He said it was a great comic book movie. He said they had a lot of great actors in that movie. They went over a few others that Ralph liked too.

  Gary said they used to have the Stallone family on the show and there were some great moments with them all. Jon took some more calls and more callers were throwing out some great Stallone movies they liked.

  Another caller asked about the movie ''Cobra'' and Jon said he laughs at that one. He said that Nighthawks was a good one. Jon said they could talk Stallone movies all day. He said the only debacle was Stayin' Alive. Gary said that movie is just not good. He said it's watchable but for all the wrong reasons.

  Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Beth ass picture and said he'd like to break off his dick in that ass. He suggested that she get a tramp stamp on her back. Gary said that would ruin it. Jon agreed.

  Jon took another call from a guy who threw out another Stallone movie that they hadn't even heard of. The caller told them that they're doing a great job there on the show.

• Wrap Up Show - Robin's Dinner With The Goddesses. 08/18/10. 11:25am
  Jon wanted to move on and talk about other stuff. He said that Robin talked about going out to dinner with the Goddesses or the Witches. Gary said Robin used to hang out with a bunch of women who they ended up calling ''the coven.'' He said they do this thing where they act like witches so that's how they were known on the show. He said he's not sure what it's all about but it came across as being witches baying at the moon. Gary said Robin distanced herself from that back then and she always said that wasn't what she did. They had to go to break after that.

• Wrap Up Show - Eric The Actor. 08/18/10. 11:35am
  After the break Gary was talking about how he got the email from Joel Gallen and he saw that he had his name in his system as Gary Dellafonte. He said that he still gets mail even when it's not addressed to the right person. They had played a Mr. T bumper as they were coming back and spent a minute talking about him.

  Jon moved on to talk about Eric the Actor trying to get on the red carpet and how Howard had to turn him down today. Jon said that Eric wants to be on that red carpet and everyone was on the fence about it today. Jon said that Will was one of the people who was all for it.

  Will said it's going to be good either way. He said it's usually a 50/50 chance but with Eric you know you'll get something to play. He said he might suck but that will be worth playing. Jon asked if he'd even get there. Gary said he thinks Eric would make it to the red carpet. He said he wants to play along and get there but he's not sure how it'll go by the time he gets there. Gary said Eric could prove him wrong and do a great interview. Then Eric could use that against him on the air.

  Jon said that Doug Goodstein was against it. Gary said that's because he has to put money up to film it. He said they have to send someone out there to cover the whole thing. He said that Doug told him off the air that it was going to cost them money to no end.

  Jon played a clip of Eric telling Howard that he was going to agree to do the interviews as is. After that clip Gary said that Eric didn't have a change of heart. He said that someone had to explain to him he had to have a change of heart. Gary said that he has done those red carpet interviews and he knows how hard it can be. There is a lot of pressure to do it. He said that if he gets yelled at, he's not sure if he'll cave.

  Jon asked if Eric could ask those questions. Gary said he'd probably explain who he was and why he was asking the questions. Jon said that Eric claimed to have trouble reading the questions too.

  A caller said they really can't lose either way with this thing. Gary said they could swing the vote. It was 7-4 today. He thinks that he could swing it the other way if he convinces more people.

  Shuli came in and said that Eric wants to be in entertainment so bad that he would do this stuff. He said that sometimes Eric has to be told to change his mind on stuff but they could get a lot of content out of this. Gary said that Eric will blame them in 3 years if he doesn't get a job acting. Shuli said that he did say that he didn't want to screw up any acting gigs. He said he's only had two so far in the 8 years he's been calling into the show. He said that the two jobs he got were through the show too.

  Gary said that Eric left him some angry messages about how he sleeps during the Wrap Up Show. He said that Eric is the busies unemployed person he knows. He claims to be too busy to listen to this show.

  Another caller said that Eric has to say that he's from the Stern Show. Gary said they want him to say he's from SIRIUS because Howard's name chases people away. He said the whole idea is to have odd questions coming from the guy in the wheelchair. Shuli said that he could get away with that too.

  Gary said they're looking for someone to IQ test Eric out in the Sacramento area. He gave out the number to contact Jason just in case someone can help.

  Ralph called in again and asked how he can get in on the Eric vote. He said his vote is yes. He said they have to have Eric go just because he thinks his Hollywood career is going to be in jeopardy. Shuli said that they'd have to pick up his chair and remove him. He said they're not going to do that.

  Ralph asked Jon to change his vote. Jon said he's not going to do that. He said Eric doesn't appreciate what they do for him so he doesn't think they should give him this chance.

  Jon asked Will about the Melrose Larry Green call they got today. Will said he thought it was funny when he called in. Jon said that everyone comes back eventually so you have to be careful how you say goodbye. Gary said the funniest thing is that it was just a week ago that Melrose left the message on his voice mail.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said it was great to hear Eric begging for his job today. Shuli said that Eric may have reached a new low when he talked to him. He said that Eric told him that he would fly with balloons to be in entertainment. Shuli said 2 minutes later he said he wouldn't do it because he doesn't trust them.

  The caller said they should have had Eric travel with Steve Langford from Sacramento to Los Angeles. That would be a good punishment.

  The caller asked Jon if he thinks that Howard would be jumping the shark if he moved to TV and didn't bring the rest of the crew along. Jon said that he has earned the right to do something on his own. He said that it would be tough to put him into something that's already existing though. The caller said he can't imagine him doing something that didn't involve the rest of them there.

  Another caller said that Howard messed up the vote because he had Benjy, Howard, Gary and Will and one other person. Jon said there were no other yes votes. He said it was 7 to 4. The caller said he thought he had another one that he missed.

  The guys ended up talking about Richard's look and how Robin found him odd looking. Will said he gets that because his head shape is strange now that he's lost weight.

  Jon said that the Dave Lampert thing was another thing that came up today. Jon asked if they will ever see Dave and Little Lupe on the show. Will said he hopes so. He said they finally heard from Lupe's people late in the show and they said that her alarm didn't go off or something. He said that she's up for just about anything and he thinks that she'll play along with Dave.

  Scott DePace called in and went off on Will for calling him stupid earlier. Will was talking about the IQ test scores and how Scott is rubbing it in everyone's face. Scott said he doesn't do that until someone calls him stupid, like Will did. They had to end the show a short time later.

• Special Guest Announcer Joe Pesci? 08/19/10. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''Sal's A Mo, A Homo'' song parody, Spin Doctors performing ''Two Princes'' live on the Howard Stern Show.

  Howard started the show talking about how they had a guest announcer today. He said that he wasn't able to figure out which mic to use though. He had to ask Scott the Engineer which one it was. Howard said Scott came over to stare at the equipment.

  Howard said it was Joe Pesci joining them today. Howard said it was an honor to have him in there. The guest, Jim Breuer as Joe Pesci, talked about the movies he's been in. Howard and Robin spoke to him as Pesci for a short time. Howard said Joe will be in all day long.

  Joe was distracted by Benjy sitting there in the Yankee hat. Howard said he would imagine it would be upsetting to see Benjy and Fred sitting there. Joe said they were dressed like they were taking out garbage. Fred said they are.

  Howard said it's so strange to see Joe because he feels intimidated because he feels like he's in the Mafia. Joe said that's called acting. Robin said she feels the same way.

  Robin said that the two of them shared a woman. Howard asked Joe about Angie Everhart but Joe wasn't saying too much. Howard quickly moved on. Howard asked Joe about working in the movies and what else he did before then. Joe said he worked in the clubs and things like that.

  Howard asked Joe if he stays in character or if he turns it off when he gets off camera. Joe said he turns it off because it's just an act. Howard said he likes to hear that he stays Joe. Howard said he loves the scene where he does the ''get your shine box'' thing. Joe talked about that scene and who was in it. Howard asked if he knew what scene he was talking about. Joe said of course he did.

  Howard asked Joe about the scene and how it was shot. They talked about the kind of food Joe likes to eat and things like that. Joe said he likes the Italian food and the Thai food. He likes the spices in that.

  Howard said he can't imagine Joe in a committed relationship. He said he knows he'll fuck a broad. Joe said he has enough family already.

  Howard said he liked the movie Casino too. He talked to Joe about that for a short time. Joe told Howard about how that was shot and how much he hated doing that scene.

  Howard said he's honored to have Joe in there today. He said they usually have George Takei sitting in to do the announcing thing. Joe talked about how acey ducey he is. He doesn't like that kind of thing.

  Joe pointed out that Robin is in a cage over there. Howard said that they keep her in there to keep things a surprise for her. He said that's their process. Joe has his own process when he works.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this guy is in character mode or what. He said he sounds like he's in Goodfellas or something. The guy asked what they're doing over there. Howard let him go and Joe told him to go fuck himself. Howard said he's honored to have him in there. Joe asked if they want him to serve ice cream or something.

• iPad Competitor, Bedbugs, DDT And More. 08/19/10. 6:15am
  Howard said they have a lot of other stuff to get to today. He said he didn't get to all of what he had to get to yesterday. Howard said Julia Roberts was on Oprah and he has to play those clips. He has to talk about Eric the Midget and Riley Martin today too. He said Riley is still trying to get more than one hour of show and they really don't want more. Howard said they have so much going on.

  Howard asked Joe what he thinks about the mosque at Ground Zero. Joe said they're blowing this out of proportion. He said he doesn't want to get involved. He said ''who gives a shit, let 'em pray.''

  Howard said he was reading in the paper about Google coming out with an iPad competitor. He said that it's going to be the same thing but it will show Flash animation which the iPad doesn't. Howard said he can't go on some of his favorite sites because of that when he's using his iPad. Howard said on one level it disturbs him that they're just copying the iPad. He said he does like that they're doing it differently with the Flash stuff though. Howard said he will get this thing. He said he wants something that gets Flash. He said he likes that. Howard said he's not sure what to do. Joe laughed. Howard said Joe doesn't give a shit. Joe was laughing at Howard talking about that stuff.

  Howard said they really have to bring back DDT because of these bedbugs. He said he's starting a movement to get it back in this country. He said he knows that the birds will be affected by it though. He said he loves birds but they have to get rid of these bedbugs. Joe said he's going to get his mother a BB gun to take care of the squirrels around her house. He told Howard how she's been out taking care of those things trying to get rid of them.

  Howard said he loves birds. He rescued an owl once. Howard said Joe knows a lot about that stuff. Joe said that the show is all over the place and he likes that.

  Howard got back to the bedbugs and said they found them in a movie theater in the city. He said it's an epidemic now. He said after they outlawed this DDT these bedbugs came back and took over. Howard said it's the tree huggers that were against the DDT. Robin said they're the bug huggers. Joe liked that one.

  Howard said the bedbugs bite the shit out of you but they're just a nuisance. He said they have DDT in some parts of the world but not here. He said we have a real problem now. Howard said people have sent him some email about this.

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• Howard Reads Some Email. 08/19/10. 6:25am
  Howard told Gary to get Whitney Cummings on the phone because she's on the war path about what Joel Gallen told them in an email he read yesterday. Howard said he wants to hear her response to that. Gary said he'll see if he can track her down. Howard said they did this roast of David Hasselhoff and Whitney was upset for cutting some of her material. Howard said Joel wrote a response to what she had to say and she heard about him reading the letter on the air so she wants to respond to that. Howard said no one likes a fight better than he does. He wants to hear what Whitney's response is.

  Howard said they got some good feedback about Whitney on the show yesterday. He said they did have some people who didn't like her and yesterday the fans fought back against the people who didn't like her. He read through a bunch of those and the fans were saying that they did like her. Howard said he thought Whitney was funny and then all of the email they got was negative. he's glad that people wrote in to say they liked her.

  Howard read some email about Sylvester Stallone's appearance yesterday. He said the fans liked that and there were some people saying that he should stay there. Howard said he's still not sure what's going on there. He said his agent had another meeting but he hasn't spoken to him yet. Howard said they might have other things to do even if this doesn't work out. He said he has a commitment to this company and it's very strong. He said he hopes it works out. Joe asked if he wants him to talk to anybody. Howard said he'll be fine.

  Howard read some more about the Stallone interview and then some about Beth's ass picture. Howard said he got some good feedback about that after they put her picture up on the web site. Howard said he crashed his site because of that. Howard said the picture was sexy but not inappropriate. Joe said that would be weird if she was nude in the picture. Howard said it wasn't nude.

  Howard read some of the mail about the Beth picture and some about Eric the Midget on the red carpet. Some people want it to be carried out but others ask why they keep putting Eric on the air. There were a few people who wanted Howard to stop with the Eric calls but there were others who think it would be great to send Eric to the red carpet.

• Dr. Laura TMZ Clip. 08/19/10. 6:35am
  Howard had some feedback about Dr. Laura and TMZ had some coverage of it. Howard said he thinks that someone might be getting a hold of Howie Mandel on his Twitter thing and Howie might believe that it's him. Howard said there's a kid who flies a kite on stage on America's Got Talent and Howie Mandel said he brought back the kite flyer. He said that people were tweeting him and he was one of Howard Stern's favorite acts. Howard said he likes that Howie mentioned him but that kid is not his favorite act. Howard said he's not going to Vegas to watch a kid fly a kite. Howard said no one is going to go see that. Howard said he loves Howie Mandel but Piers Morgan is the guy who knows what will fly out in Vegas.

  Howard said he didn't see this TMZ bit but Ronnie did. Howard said he didn't like that Dr. Laura said the N-word but he said she does have the right to say whatever she wants. Howard said that now she's claiming she's quitting radio. He said she's done this before and she never gets off the air. He said everyone will forget about this in 4 months and she won't retire. Howard said it's a ridiculous thing.

  Howard said TMZ brought up the fact that when he was working for Viacom, Dr. Laura was going to do a TV show for them on CBS. Howard said she decided to go with a different company so she went off on him and said that she didn't sign with Viacom because Howard Stern was there. She claimed that if they didn't silence Howard Stern then she wouldn't work for them. Howard said she was just using his name to get some publicity for herself. Howard said she claims to be fighting for her own free speech rights but she was trying to silence him. Howard said she's ''such a fucking cunt, lying bitch...'' Joe sounded shocked when he heard that.

  Robin pointed out that Dr. Laura doesn't seem to have a problem working for the same company Howard works for now. She has her show on XM now. Howard said that they could get rid of her. He said no one is listening to her show anyway.

  Howard and Joe talked about JD for a minute and Howard told him that JD is seeing a stripper. JD had come in to tell Howard about the coverage of the whole Dr. Laura thing and what the news services were doing with that. Howard didn't follow what he was saying. Joe said he didn't follow either. Howard said he loves this kid JD. Joe said he does have a nice aura.

  Howard said that TMZ has a lot of coverage of people waling out of buildings. Robin said that's what it's all about most of the time. It's mostly video of people walking out of buildings. Joe said they know what Howard Stern sells so that's why they have him on.

  Howard played the TMZ clip that he was talking about. In the clip they were talking about how Dr. Laura had insisted that CBS muzzle Howard Stern back in 1999 or she'd walk. They pointed out her hypocrisy in the segment.

  Howard said they made some good points in that piece. He said that Dr. Laura's show didn't even last that long when she did the TV show. Howard said she looked like a snapper head. He wasn't even sure what that meant. Joe told him what it was so Howard changed it to a snapping turtle face instead.

  Howard said Dr. Laura will re-sign in 4 months and she won't leave radio. He said she thinks she's apologizing for what she did but she's really not. He said her first amendment rights weren't taken away either. He said that people just didn't like what she said. They're not taking her job away from her because of the use of the N-word.

• Oprah Winfrey Interview With Julia Roberts Clips. 08/19/10. 6:50am
  Howard said he wanted to play some of the Julia Roberts Oprah Winfrey interview clips. He said that they don't seem to realize that the economy is bad and the interview was really annoying. Howard played the audio of Oprah introducing Julia on her show. Howard was disgusted as soon as he hear Oprah saying Julia's name in a high pitched voice. Howard said Julia came out wearing jeans that looked like mom jeans that didn't fit her right. Howard said that was a disappointment. He said she should have gotten dressed up a little bit. He said she's a movie star, she should look good. Howard said Oprah looked better.

  Howard played more of the clips of Oprah and Julia talking about her kids. They were talking about the kid's names and ages. They were the worst names according to Robin. Joe liked that one of them was Henry.

  Julia was telling Oprah about how excited kids are about everything in the world. Howard said this is how people get sucked into having bunches of kids. Howard said they think that the kids are going to be wonderful. He said they end up having kids and they can't go out for about 6 years. Howard said they get stuck at home and they hate it. Julia has about 57 people helping her out with her kids so she can go out. Most people can't do that.

  Howard said he was watching this and he threw his shoes at the TV when he heard some of this stuff. He said they have to hear what they're talking about. Howard said every parent thinks their kid is smart. He said no one thinks they have a dumb kid. Robin said that Scott DePace was saying he's not sure about his second kid. Howard said he's the only honest one.

  Howard played a clip of Julia talking about how one of her kids said ''It's a beautiful day mama.'' Howard wondered why that was so wonderful. He asked about when the kid shits its bed. He wondered why she's not talking about that.

  Howard got a note about Dr. Laura's TV show lasting just 6 months. He thought it was only one month.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked Joe what his favorite scene in Goodfellas was. Joe said he liked one of the opening scenes. He said he likes the stabbing the guy in the trunk scene. He told Howard about how they shot this scene. The caller said it was great to be able to speak to him like he was the real Joe Pesci. Howard thanked the caller for his call and let him go.

  Howard said he was reading an article about Lady Gaga and how nothing comes before her fans. Howard said that poor sick broad. He said he loves his fans too but if her life is so fucked up that nothing is more important than her fans then she's going to be lonely. Howard said she has to find something else in her life. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later.

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• Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 08/19/10. 7:10am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Richard made to a guy who was into massaging gay ''bear'' type men. Fred also played Stone Temple Pilots ''Dancing Days'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Her mic was off and she was saying that Joe looks taller than she thought he was. Howard mentioned that Lisa interviewed Whitney Cummings the other day so he should just play that report. He said he would like to get Whitney and Joel Gallen on the phone together though. Howard explained what was going on with Whitney and Joel over the whole David Hasselhoff roast. Howard said Lisa asked Whitney about it so this is what Whitney said.

  Howard played the clip of Whitney saying that she didn't want to get into a fight with Joel. Lisa spoke to her on the phone and Whitney said that she's going to let her jokes speak for themselves. She said she's bummed that Joel would say what he said in that email Howard got. Whitney said there is no such thing as hurtful at a roast either. Whitney said that she wasn't tanking either. She said that she read the jokes that she did on the show and none of them tanked like Joel claimed. Whitney said she was stunned by what Joel wrote. She said she was hurt too.

  Howard said he liked what Whitney did and her jokes were funny. Howard said she did take a shot at Joel on the show. He said there were some bad words said. Howard said Whitney did say that Joel doesn't know comedy so that might be what upset him.

  Lisa said that Jim Florentine's son, Luke, was born yesterday. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that's weird that he named his kid Luke like Gary's son Lucas. Robin said they're different names. Fred did his impression of Jim saying that his seed was bursting to be put in someone's womb. Howard said that should be Robin's baby. Robin said that should not be her baby. She said this is not weird for her at all. She's done with that whole thing.

  Howard asked if Robin will send a gift. She said she will. Howard said that's weird because she was banging the guy. Robin said she was friends with him. Howard still thinks it's weird.

  Lisa said the baby was born a month early but came in at 6 pounds 4 ounces. Jim put out a text saying that the baby had a small penis and big balls so it must be his son. Howard asked Robin if he really had a small penis. Robin said she's not saying a thing. She said that's not something she's going to talk about on the air.

  Howard asked if that's what brought it to an end. Howard said he thinks that no one is good enough for Robin. Robin said that might be true.

  Lisa said that Medicated Pete is in ''The Remy Burbee Mix Up'' and the movie is premiering tonight. She said that Jason Kaplan has also turned to blogging lately. She said that he's just getting his thoughts out through the blog. You can find him at KaplanDude.blogspot.com. Howard said he has no idea what that's about. He said that Jason does seem to have a lot on his mind when he writes to him during the day. He said he has a lot to say about the mosque at Ground Zero and things like that.

  Howard asked why Jason isn't blogging on HowardStern.com. Jason said that he was told they're not allowed to. He said that Doug Hurwitt said that it's for legal reasons. Howard said they have someone who vets the information though. Jason said Doug said that they're worried that something might go through that would get people in trouble. Howard said that's true. He doesn't want the responsibility with the web site stuff.

  Jason said that Mutt has to take things down all the time on his site. He said that they don't need that kind of thing there. Howard asked Joe if he blogs or anything like that. Joe said he doesn't even know what that is.

• Eric The Midget Actor's Red Carpet Job Reinstated. 08/19/10. 7:30am
  Howard let Lisa go and said that they have a staff impressions contest going on. He asked Gary if they had any entries. Gary said they're making their way in but he didn't have anything to play. He said that Jerry O'Connell is in the lead with his impressions so far. Howard said that you can enter with any impression you have. Anyone from the show.

  Howard said the Riley Martin negotiations are ongoing so he has to get to some tapes of that. Howard took a call from a guy who said hello to the fake Joe Pesci. There was no response. The guy said that he was reading an article about Oprah Winfrey and he wondered if Howard thinks he should be on the list next to her. Howard got bored with the call and hung up on him.

  Howard took a call from Eric the Midget who was hoping that there was a change of mind about the red carpet job. Howard said that Eric has already written about how he won't do the questions no matter what. He said that Eric just wants a freebie to the red carpet and he's not going to do what they want. He asked Eric why he wants to ruin his show. He said he's not making a bit out of this and it's not a joke. He needs the job done the right way. Howard said it's going to mess him up if Eric goes there and asks his own questions. Howard said he knows it's not a walk in the park and Eric isn't up for the job. He said it's not an insult to Eric.

  Eric asked why he won't choose him. Howard said he won't choose him because he thinks that he's lying to him. Eric said he knows the celebrities better than anyone else. Howard said he's just not going to do the job.

  Eric asked if he could hit them with other questions and then hit them with their questions. Howard said they craft their own questions like that. He said that Eric isn't going to handle it right.

  Howard said he has a big star there today, Joe Pesci. Eric said that's Jim Fuckin Breuer. Howard said it is not. He said this is Joe Pesci. Howard said Eric is showing how smart he is this morning. Joe asked who the fuck this guy was. Eric said he's real and Joe is fake.

  Howard said they do have their own softball questions. He doesn't want Eric's questions at all. Howard said he wants a guy to go and ask his questions. He said he knows Eric won't do that. Eric said his questions would be in the ballpark of what his would. Howard said they won't. Robin asked what they would be. Eric said that if Christina Hendricks came up to him he would ask if she would consider showing her breasts in Playboy. Howard said that's a good opening question but he knows Eric won't ask their questions. Eric had some other questions of his own.

  Howard said that this just isn't going to work. Eric asked where Shuli is because he did an interview with him the other day. Howard didn't know where he was. Robin asked how Eric is going to get people to talk to him. Howard said that won't be a problem. People will talk to him because he's in a wheelchair.

  Shuli came in and said that he's been talking to Eric the whole week about this. He said that he told Eric they should have some kind of punishment for him so he suggested the flying with balloons and he agreed to it. Howard said he agreed to it but he will never show up to do it.

  Joe asked about this guy being a midget. He thought that was pretty funny. Eric said that if he's really Joe Pesci he's not much taller than a midget. Joe laughed at that.

  Howard told Shuli not to buy into Eric's whole thing. He said he finds him amusing but he knows that it's not going to work. Howard said he knows that Eric is going to fuck this up and he will come back with nothing. He said they're going to just talk about how bad it is. He said he won't ask the questions that they give him. Howard said Eric is just doing this so he can go to the red carpet event. Howard said no one can walk by Eric and ignore him. He said that's going to get him the interviews. Howard said they won't ignore him because they know they'll be banned in Hollywood.

  Eric suggested that they give him a reward for doing good interviews. He said they could set up a one on one meeting with Brandy Taylore. Howard said that he's not sure he could make that happen. Will said that they can definitely make that happen. Howard said he's not sure he'd want to hear him on this show talking to her. They suggested giving him his own one hour show. Howard said he'd do that.

  Gary came in and asked why they would do this for Eric. Howard said that it's a home run. He said that it would work because Eric is a midget and there's nothing better than a midget. Joe said everyone loves a midget. Howard said Eric will ask the questions or he won't get to meet Brandy. He said if he fucks it up, it's a home run. If he does good he gets to meet Brandy in a one hour show. He said it's a win-win for them either way.

  Robin asked Howard if he goes and asks the questions they give him but he can't get out the questions. Robin said that if he fails, does he still get Brandy Taylore. Howard said he is the final judge and he will tell Eric if he gets to meet her or not. He said he could ask all of the questions they give him and still fail.

  Howard said Eric is back in. Then they talked about how he had to get new tires on his van to make the trip. That led to Eric saying that he has a way around that. He said they could just rent him a van. Howard said this is starting to sound like a nightmare.

  High Pitch Eric called in and said he should be the one doing the interviews. Joe ended up going off on Eric about what a pain in the ass he was being. He said he should stop busting balls and go out and get a hair cut or something. He said this guy is really busting the hump here. He said he might fold under pressure doing the interviews.

  Shuli said Eric didn't want to ruin his acting career. Shuli said he doesn't think Eric has much to worry about since he's only had two acting roles in the past 8 years. He got both of them from this show too. Joe went off on Eric about that too.

  Howard said he is going to let Eric have a shot at this. Robin said she thinks it's a mistake. Howard said he's going to give him the shot. Robin said that Eric is going to get everything he wants. Fred said he's going to piss it away. He said Eric is a glommer. Eric told him that he's an idiot. Fred said that he wants hotel rooms, gas money, tires and all of this other stuff. Eric said it would be acceptable for one room with two beds. He said they don't need two rooms. Howard said he does need a room. Fred said he's not going to give Howard what he wants though.

  Howard asked if he's stupid for believing Eric. Eric said he isn't. Howard said Eric said on his web site that he won't ask the questions. Eric said his father is very hard headed about the van so they have to write down every trip they take and how many miles they went. Howard said Eric is 38 years old. Eric said he's 35. Howard said he only had a life expectancy of 19 years. Fred said his parents are looking at their watch. Joe said that was kicking him down like 3 inches.

  Eric told Fred ''To quote a movie title, Drop Dead, Fred.'' Fred told Eric that his parents and this Jon guy deserve medals for putting up with him all these years. Fred said that they're wasting their time with this whole thing.

  Gary said that they're going to have to rent a van and they'll have to send a camera guy out there to film it all. Gary said they have to pay for all of that. Howard said they'd have to do that anyway. Gary said they're afraid that they're going to say they won't let him shoot once he gets there. Gary said they have to spend a couple grand to make this happen. Howard said Eric can't ban them from filming him on the street.

  Eric said that the other day Howard understood why he didn't want the camera at the house. Howard said he does get that. Gary said that Eric told them that he wasn't going to let them shoot in the van. Eric said that Jon doesn't want to be critiqued with his driving and stuff. Howard said the guy isn't going to do anything like that. They just want B-roll for the trip to the event. Eric said they're not going to get much.

  Doug Goodstein asked if they can shoot Jon or not. He said that's going to be the big question. Howard asked if Jon is going to be on camera or not. Eric said he has to ask Jon. He said that recording him at the event is fine. He doesn't get why they have to tape him before the event. Doug said that's because he won't do anything at the event so they'll have something to show when he doesn't do anything.

  Joe went off on Eric a little bit and Eric kept calling him Jim Breuer. Howard said he was going to hang up on him if he kept that up.

  Howard said he wants Eric to wear a tux to this thing. Eric said he would do that. Robin said they should go to that fitting. Eric said he still has his tux from his brother's wedding. He said there won't be a fitting.

  Howard told Eric that he wants the camera guy to go with him on his trip. He said he doesn't have to do anything. He said they just drive and the guy shoots. He said he doesn't have to say anything to the camera guy at all. Howard said they get to the hotel they let him do a few hours of stuff with the camera. Howard told him he can sit there and fart if he wants. Eric said he doesn't think Jon wants to be on camera. Doug said ''there it is...''

  Howard said that they can't have these stipulations. Eric said that he's trying to say something. He said that Jon can be behind the camera when he's on the red carpet. Howard asked Doug if they want to shoot just the red carpet. Doug said the gold is going to be getting to the red carpet. Howard said Eric is out if they have all of these restrictions.

  Joe told Eric this is an opportunity of a lifetime. He said that he has time to get there and just relax. He said he can let them come in and shoot him doing scenes. He could act for them and things like that. He could do lines with Jon.

  Shuli told Eric that when he stated there he just went in and covered the High Pitch Eric shitting show to be part of the show. Howard said Shuli became part of the team because he's a can-do kind of guy. He said Eric should just go out and do the job and not ask for anything. Howard said that he liked Shuli's attitude. He said he likes Eric too but he's always going to be a caller and nothing more. He said he's a can't-do kind of guy.

  Howard said Shuli came over and now he's on every channel there. He said he's on Jay Thomas, Miserable Men, the news and now he's here. Howard said he doesn't have an attitude.

  Howard told Shuli he should fill in for Jon. Shuli said he could do that. He said he'd be willing to shower Eric or whatever he needs to do. He said he has a 5 month old baby so he can do whatever. Howard asked what he'd have to do. Eric said the point he was trying to say is that Jon is paid by the state to take care of him. Howard said that doesn't matter. Eric said that would be taking money away from Jon. Shuli said he can be on camera and Jon can be off camera. Eric said he doesn't want to be on cam in the shower. Howard said they're not going to shoot that at all. Howard said that they could shoot Shuli with his cock in his ass. Joe said they could just throw Eric in the dishwasher instead. Howard cracked up when he heard that. Joe said they could just clean him in the sink.

  Eric said that he doesn't wear diapers either. Eric said that he does that stuff like any other normal person. Howard said Shuli would have to load him into the shower, or the dishwasher as Joe said, and help him out a little bit. Shuli said he doesn't mind and he'll do whatever he has to. Shuli said he's a team player. Howard asked if Shuli would have to towel him off. Eric said he does that himself. Howard said maybe he can just not shower for two days. Eric said he would smell like High Pitch if he did that.

  Howard said that he's going to solve the problem with Jon now. He said that Shuli will do whatever he needs to do for Eric. He said that he will shower him and do whatever else he has to do. Eric said he dresses himself. He said he doesn't have to do more than help him get in the shower. He said he also helps him out with his socks and shoes. He said he has a bruised foot.

  Howard asked Doug what he thinks about this. Doug said that Eric is never going to get to the interviews on the red carpet. He said he's just doing this to get to meet the celebrities. Howard said he will never speak to Eric again if he does that to him. Howard said Eric will make him look stupid if he does that.

  Doug said that Eric can't tell the celebrities that he's an actor or that he's from the Howard Stern Show. Eric said that sounded good to him. Eric asked if they're going to have anything on the microphones. Howard said no. Howard told Eric he's back on with this whole thing. He told Shuli and Doug to let him know if any foolishness goes on and they'll pull him right off of the gig. Joe said he was exhausted from this. He said he needed a nap.

  Howard told Eric that he has to just get in the van and let them shoot. Eric asked why they can't just let him do the interviews. Howard said he has to stop with that. Eric said he doesn't want people seeing him with the oxygen tube in his nose. Eric said that he has to wear that when he's in the van. When he's on the red carpet he doesn't have to wear it. Howard said that they have to work this out with him. He said he's going to leave it up to Doug to work it out. Howard said maybe they can do some stuff in the car and not cover the whole drive. Howard said if they smell something is off, call off the whole thing.

  Howard said Eric is a pain in the ass but he's going to leave this up to Shuli and Doug now. He said they will just throw this out the window and get another guy to cover the Emmys.

  Gary gave Howard some poll results where they asked the fans if they think Eric will end up doing this. 82 percent said ''no.'' 18 percent said ''yes.''

  Shuli told Eric if he wants to be in the business he has to just do this thing. Eric said that Johnny was telling him that he should keep his health issues hidden. Howard said that he stands for honesty so why would he cover it up? He said that he's a role model for the handicapped. Eric said having a camera on him when he has oxygen on isn't going to help. Doug said that he's admitting it to millions of people now. What's the difference?

  Dominic Barbara called in and said they should have a wheelchair that raises up so he can talk directly at them. Howard said that's just silly. Joe said that's like Inspector Gadget. Howard said Dominic is suddenly MacGyver. Howard did an impression of Dominic and Fred did him suggesting that he be a Jack-in-the-box.

  Hanzi called in and said that he should be given the opportunity to do this. He said this Eric thing is bullshit. Howard said he might go off half cocked with the celebrities. Shuli said that he does go after celebrities on his Facebook account. Howard said now Hanzi is upset. Eric said ''big deal...''

  Howard said that Doug and Shuli are now going to take over this whole thing. Howard said that Shuli is on every show and now he's going to be taking care of Eric. Joe said that he had a suggestion. He said they get a back up just in case he doesn't work out. He said they could have a little competition to see who could out do the other. Howard said now he's talking. Doug Goodstein said the other person should be the person Eric hates the most. They suggested Steve Langford. Shuli said Jeff the Drunk is one that Eric hates. Howard said that they need insurance so they could have Jeff stand in if Eric doesn't work out. Howard said Joe's idea was good. Howard said he doesn't want the understudy to have to come in.

  Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone so he asked if he was ready to fill in. Howard said that the understudy will also get to be with Brandy Taylore. Howard said Doug's head must be spinning from this. Doug said that it's Shuli whose head will be spinning with those two. He said he knows Eric will have new stipulations soon.

  Eric said that if he fails he never gets to call in again and if he succeeds he gets to see Brandy Taylore. Howard said he has to take Eric's calls so he'll never be off the show for good. Howard thanked them and said that they have to report to Shuli or Doug if they need to work something out. Jeff told Eric he's a fucking retard. Eric said that Jeff is a half wit. Eric said that he didn't get in a car, drunk, and crash. Jeff said he wasn't driving. Howard said he had to get going so he could interview Jerry O'Connell. Howard told Eric that he was wrong about Jeff being the driver when he lost the use of his arm. It was someone else driving.

  Eric said he's looking forward to Jerry O'Connell's new show on CBS. Jeff said he's looking forward to Eric fucking this up just like he fucks up everything else. Eric said he doesn't fuck up. Jeff insisted that he does. Howard had to let them go and go to break after that.

• Jerry O'Connell Calls In. 08/19/10. 8:35am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Tradio show. Fred played Joe Walsh's ''Walk Away'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and thanked Joe Pesci for sitting in this morning. They were sticking with the Pesci thing through the whole show.

  Howard said he was watching a Sam Kinison special and he figures that Sam's brother put it together because they didn't interview Sam's wife in the movie at all. Howard asked Joe if he liked Sam. Joe told a story about Sam and how he used to hang out with Rodney Dangerfield. He said he was a big fan of Sam's. Howard figured that he'd be upset with his Jesus jokes and stuff. Joe said that he was good with that stuff and he was respectful.

  Howard had Jerry O'Connell on the phone. Howard said he had to take something up with Jerry. Jerry said he approves of Jim Breuer being in the room with them today. Howard said it's Joe Pesci in the room. Howard said everyone wants to prove how smart they are this morning. Jerry said that Joe is playing off of him very well this morning.

  Howard said Jerry was doing really well and ended up leaving acting to go to law school for a year. Jerry said he did that and it was so hard. He said he got back into acting. He said he walked into class the first day and he had a legal pad with him. He said he sat down and wanted to be a lawyer. He said one of the kids said he was the only one in there without a computer. He said he felt so old when they pointed that out. Jerry said he will go back to school but he has some bills to pay right now. He said it's fun to go back to school and everyone should do that if they can. Howard asked Jerry if he was good in school. Jerry said his grades weren't all that great.

  Howard and Jerry talked about the stuff that Jerry studied while he was in school. Jerry said that one of the cases was about a woman who said no to a guy in the middle of sex and the guy was charged with rape. Howard said that the woman has the right to say no in the middle of that. Jerry said he hears that every day. Robin said one of the arguments in the case was if there is a point of no return with a man. Jerry said that's right. Howard said he couldn't stop in the middle. Joe said he couldn't either.

  Howard said he had to talk to Jerry about a few things before plugging ''Piranha 3D.'' Jerry said that the movie is great. They have a lot of nudity and a lot of horror. He said it's a great movie. He said it was packed last night and she couldn't believe it. He said she was blown away by it.

  Jerry told Howard that Kelly Brook and Riley Steele were in the movie too. Howard was having trouble remembering who they were.

  Jerry told Howard how they shot the movie in 3D and how that process worked. He said they do different plates to create the 3D and it's really even too much for him to explain. He said they shot it in 3D instead of changing it over at a later time.

  Howard asked if there's a lot of tittie. Jerry said that there is a lot of nudity and he shows his penis in it. He said it's a 3D version of it too. Jerry said they shot it in Lake Havasu where they have a lot of cold water. He said that he jumped into the lake and it may have affected the size. He said his penis comes in contact with a piranha. He said all of this is in 3D.

  Jerry said he wants to see pictures of Robin and Lisa G in their underwear like the Beth O picture. Jerry said it was disgusting to see Sal's hairy ass.

  Howard told Jerry that he has to explain himself about why he's upset with Jerry. He said he knows that it can be tough for a divorced couple like Rebecca and John Stamos. He said he has stayed friends with both John and Rebecca. Howard said he likes Jerry and Rebecca as a couple and he has had them over to his house. He said Jerry is always out there on Long Island and he's told them to come over to hang out. Howard said they came over for lunch or dinner one time and they had a great time together. Howard said Jerry didn't even want to go home. He said he never heard from them again. Howard said that happens with a bunch of people and not just Jerry and Rebecca.

  Howard said he was talking to Beth about that and he found it odd that they didn't reciprocate. Howard said they find that very odd. He said they have kids so that could be part of it but they can get out once in a while. Howard said he thinks there's a problem there. Howard said he thinks that Jerry likes hanging with them and Rebecca doesn't. He said maybe she has a problem with one of them. Howard said he wants Jerry to come clean now and tell him what's really going on.

  Jerry said he doesn't want to disrespect other men. He said he doesn't want to say anything about anyone else but there is a weirdness between people when they divorce. He said that Rebecca told him that he's not as close to Howard as she used to be. Howard said it's not his fault though. He tried to keep in touch with her and she's the one who doesn't want to know him anymore. Jerry said when the divorce happens then you're not that close. Howard said that maybe it's Jerry too. Jerry said it's not him. He said he's been hanging outside of Howard's apartment waiting to see him. Howard said Jerry could come and hang out if he wants. Jerry said they were out on Long Island this summer, not last summer, but he doesn't want his kids at his house. Jerry said his kids are monsters and they'll break everything. Howard said he has a no kids policy at his house. Howard said he could call and go out to dinner.

  Jerry said he has his parents to help out with the kids. He said maybe Beth and Howard could come visit them. Howard said he'd rather have them over to their house. He thinks that Jerry and Rebecca just don't want to come over. Jerry said he doesn't want to disrespect any other man. Robin said she's hearing that there's something going on with Rebecca and John. Howard said maybe she doesn't like that he's friendly with John.

  Howard said he'll still get together with Jerry if he wants. Jerry said they will get together. Howard said he just wanted to know the score and he appreciates the honesty. Jerry said he doesn't want Rebecca hanging around Beth telling her about the babies. Jerry said that the kids ruin everything. He said that he has two and they're a nightmare.

  Howard said Jerry is fucking like crazy and now he has the kids. He said that he's walking around like a woman with a papoose on. Joe interrupted and said that he didn't know that the little fat kid from Stand By Me was doing Rebecca Romijn.

  Howard asked what he hates most about having kids. Jerry said the sex is less frequent. He said that the marriage isn't in danger at all. Howard asked if he has to do all of the work. Jerry said Rebecca is an amazing mom. He said she does get mad at him a lot though. He said one of the kids was going nuts the other night so she made him pick the kid up. He said he opened the front door and went outside and put her on the porch alone. He sat and watched her and Rebecca went nuts.

  Howard said that Jerry loves playing video games. Jerry said that's all gone now. He said that they're the biggest waste of time. He said that he loves listening to Howard in the car instead now. He'd rather hear a good old Sybian ride instead.

  Jerry asked Howard about the contract negotiations. Howard said there are none going on. Jerry moved on to talk about the Dr. Laura N-word thing. He said he thinks that she did that on purpose just to get attention. Howard said everyone will forget about her in 4 months and she'll stick around on radio. He said she's a bore.

  Jerry told Howard that Joe Pesci on the show is great and he thinks that he'd do great in that room as a regular.

  Howard asked Jerry if he would change his mind about kids if he could go back and change it. Jerry said he would not. He said Howard was just catching him at a bad time. He said that they're just in the ''horrific get me out of this twos'' instead of the ''Terrible Twos.'' Jerry said that he's fine and they're sticking together. Howard asked if he's going to break as a human being. Jerry said that's not going to happen. Jerry said he's done after this. He said that they are going through an argument about who is going to get fixed. He said he's back to wearing condoms. He said he's still nervous buying them. Jerry said that he's no longer a two pump chump now.

  Howard said that Jerry is also the leader in the staff impression contest right now. Howard said he did an impression of Riley Martin and of JD. Jerry did some of that JD impression for Howard. Howard said that they're still accepting entries in the contest.

  Howard gave Jerry some plugs for his new movie ''Piranha 3D'' and he's also doing a TV show with Jim Belushi. Jerry said that he and Jim spend time before each shoot talking about Howard after their hour long commutes to work. He said they're both huge fans.

  Jerry said he does a Little Lupe impression too. He did some of that. Joe said he was a rip and he was cracking him up. Howard let Jerry go a short time later.

• TV Show Clips, Prank Calls And More. 08/19/10. 9:05am
  Howard said he got a big coffee table book called ''Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Writers and Artists Who Made the National Lampoon Insanely Great'' and it's very cool. He said he also got a Superman comic book thing that he rally liked.

  Howard said he was reading an article about KFC and why they changed their name to KFC from Kentucky Fried Chicken. Howard said it was about money and how the state of Kentucky wanted money for using their name. He said that they came to a conclusion that it's affordable so they may be changing their name back. He said that's what it said on Snopes.com.

  Howard mentioned the Dr. Laura stuff he had already gone over. He said he had to get to the Gossip Game and other stuff too. Howard said he was reading about this guy on the Jets who has so many kids he had to get a cash bonus from the team. There's a reality show about the Jets called ''Hard Knocks'' and they're talking to this guy about his kids and it's the greatest clip ever. Howard said the guy has like five 3 year olds and the clip is great. Howard played that clip and in it the guy is talking about the kids he has. He named a bunch of kids that were all 3 years old. There were at least 4. He has seven kids under the age of 5.

  The guys spent a minute talking about all of the kids the guy has and how complicated his life must be. Gary said the show is great and Howard would love it. Gary told him about some of the stuff that they have on the show and what he'd like.

  Howard said he has to get to the gossip game but everyone wrote in about how much everyone loved the Sal and Richard confusion call he played the other day. Howard said people liked it and he wasn't sure they would. Howard was going to play that but he took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk to Joe Pesci. The caller said he had some favorite lines that Pesci has said. They spent a minute talking about that. The caller also asked if Artie is ever going to come back. Howard said he really doesn't know. He said he wishes him the best though. He said they all love him.

  Howard played the Sal and Richard prank calls to Gary the Retard as they were going to break. That's the call where they kept calling and hanging up on Gary's two phones.

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• The Gossip Game With Mike Walker. 08/19/10. 9:30am
  After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said Joe Pesci wasn't at the Spike awards. Joe said he doesn't have to be there for this guy. Howard said he wants to be at the Oscar's instead.

  Howard had Mike Walker on the line and had him get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:

  1. Tom Cruise took a ride on a motorcycle a guy was riding behind the Scientology center. Tom crashed and ended up autographing the bike for the guy instead of paying to get it fixed.
  2. Cameron Diaz asked people who were throwing away half-full water bottles in the trash to give them to her so she could water plants with the leftover water.
  3. Bruce Willis returned a meal 3 times at a restaurant and upset the waitress so much that she ran out crying. Bruce wondered why she couldn't get it right.
  4. Jim Carrey was seen roaming a Malibu beach talking to one bikini clad woman after another. He ended up getting four numbers that he wrote down on a newspaper he was carrying around.
  Howard, Fred and Joe picked story 1 while Robin went with story 3. The actual fake story was number two.

• Steve Langford's News Preview - Eric The Midget Out. 08/19/10. 9:40am
  Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Eric the Midget. Steve said that Eric says he's out already. Steve said that he refuses to let them video tape him. Shuli came in too since he had spoken to Eric. Shuli said they had a 9 minute conversation and Eric was flip flopping over and over. He said his priorities are out of whack and he's more worried about Jeff the Drunk and his roommate than anything else. Howard said it sounds like they've pulled the plug on this. Shuli said Eric wanted to call in and clarify again. Howard said they had enough of him today so they can handle it back there instead.

  Steve said they have a story about the freelancer who was going to do the shoot out there. He's out of a job now.

  There's a guy claiming that he's being threatened by High Pitch Eric and he's contacted authorities about that. Steve said they have a story about Vinnie Favale's ''Hereafter'' musical and how they're going to be doing some showcases. Steve also mentioned an appearance that Ronnie is going to be making soon. They went to break after that.

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• 'Joe Pesci' Says Goodbye, Wrap Up Show And Superfan Roundtable Previews. 08/19/10. 9:50am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he knows that Joe has to get going. He has a golf date. Joe said that he never gets up this early. Howard wished him luck in the game and asked who he's playing with. He said he's playing with that big fat guy John Daly. Joe said he has a movie coming out soon and he'll come back and talk about that. Howard spent a minute talking to him and then let Joe go. He forgot his phone so he had to come back and get that. Howard said he can only imagine the people he has on that phone.

  Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they were going to be covering today on the show.

  Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they'll be talking about Eric the Midget and about the Beth ass picture. He said they'll talk about the guests they had on the show this week as well. The show is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.

• Robin's News. 08/19/10. 9:55am
  Howard had Robin get to her news after Fred played her in with a Bleeding Deacons song parody ''Robin Show Your Tits.'' Fred also played the Guatemalan theme. Robin started off with a story about risky celebrity searches. Cameron Diaz is one of the names that gets the most viruses online. Howard said he was going to search for Drew Barrymore because she's looking skinny lately. He said he'd like to see her in a bathing suit to figure it out. He said it bothers him that he doesn't know. Howard said he doesn't worry about anything else, just what celebrities look like in their bathing suits.

  Robin read more about the virus thing with the celebrity names. Robin said she doesn't go to web sites and she gets viruses all the time. Howard said they might be in her email. Robin said that Jessica Biel and Julia Roberts are other names at the top of the list of risky names to search for on the web. Howard said he's not interested in either of them.

  Robin read about a guy who got in trouble for giving a co-worker bottles of water with his sperm in them. He did that twice and now he's being charged with assault. Robin said that the first time it happened was in January. Robin read that he had discharged into her water bottle on her desk. She threw the bottle away after feeling sickened. The guy did the same thing in April and the woman drank from it again. This time she took it to a lab to be tested and they found semen in it. Howard said that should be a crime where you get the death penalty. Howard said he'd give the guy the death penalty himself if that was his daughter.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he was on a chartered plane and the flight attendant on the flight was asked who had the biggest fear of flying ever. The flight attendant told him a story about Howard flying home with Beth and it was Enrique Iglacias' plane. He said the woman said she didn't like Howard before the flight but afterward she felt she would have slept with him. Howard said that's the case with a lot of women from what he's heard. He said they love the bad boy thing. The caller said the woman was good looking too. The caller wanted to play a game but Howard didn't have anything for him.

  Howard played the ''Sperm, Sperm, Sperm'' song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man put together using Robin's audio clips.

  Robin got back to her news and read a story about a Muslim woman who said that Disney won't let her wear her head covering at work.

  Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that ''beer goggles'' is a real thing. People look more attractive to other people when they're drunk. Howard said that's so true. He said that he had Quaalude goggles when he was young. He said that's even worse than beer goggles. Howard said he had to keep Beth in beer goggles for the first 3 years they were dating. Robin said that they say the same thing can happen with same sex relationships. Howard said that he knows for sure that he would never do anything gay no matter how drunk he was. He said if you do gay stuff, you're gay. It's as simple as that.

  Robin read about how Brett Favre is returning to the Minnesota Vikings for another season. Howard said this is the guy who keeps claiming he's retiring and keeps coming back. Howard said he's like Eric the Midget and you can't trust anything he says.

  Robin said that Wyclef Jean has been getting death threats since he announced he was running for President of Haiti. Robin said he has gone into hiding because of that. Robin said that he has said that the threats won't deter him from running for President.

  Robin read a story about a guy who had 10 juveniles living in his back yard. The police found the kids living in the back yard when the owner of the house refused to cooperate with them. They found the kids hiding in the shed in the back yard. Robin had some audio of an officer talking about the case. Howard said it sounds like a real headache. He said they may have found their new red carpet guy though.

  Ralph called in and said that the story about that Disney woman reminded him about how a lot of stores are getting sued now because they're being forced to hire ugly people. He said that some stores want to hire good looking people to work there. Ralph said they have a store there in the city where the girls wear bikinis. He said it's great. Ralph said there are tranny's who are suing over that kind of thing now.

  Robin read a story about a baby that was holding a bong and the mother has now been arrested. Howard said the mom thought it was funny and said it was just a joke. Robin said the mom is only 19 years old. She posted the picture on her Facebook page.

  Robin read a story about the woman who drove her kids into the water after killing them. Robin said they're still trying to perfect how to get rid of their kids and they just don't get it right. Howard said the cops always figure it out. Robin had some audio of the prosecutor in this case. They spent a few minutes on that story and how parents really have no idea what they're getting into. Howard said that's why he hates hearing Julia Roberts talking about how easy it is to have kids on Oprah. He said it's not that easy for everyone.

  Robin read a story about President Obama and how he's keeping his campaign promise to get troops out of Iraq. They pulled most of the remaining troops out yesterday. Robin said this brings an end to Operation Iraqi Freedom. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how this process is still at the beginning.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about using a condom during oral sex. Howard said he doesn't wear a condom during a blow job. He said he'll put one on after if he has intercourse. Howard said he doesn't want a vasectomy. Howard said he doesn't need someone opening up his bag and working on it. Howard said he doesn't mind wearing a rubber. He likes Durex the best. The caller asked if he uses a French tickler or anything. Howard said of course not. The caller was laughing when he asked so Howard figured he was high on mescaline or something.

  Robin read about some polls that show that a lot of people still think that Obama is a Muslim. Robin said that there are more now than there were in 2009 thinking he's Muslim.

  Robin read a story about Governor Patterson who will be meeting with the developer of the mosque at ground zero to possibly get them to move it. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said it's enough of this nonsense and they have to just drop it. He said there was a story in the paper about how the money for the mosque might be coming from Iran. He said they're just laughing at us over there.

  Robin read a story about Jackie Onasis' brother who was jailed yesterday after admitting to having child pornography. He's 63 years old. Howard wondered what he likes to see the kids doing. Robin said the article says that it was naked boys. Robin said that the guy has to go through some kind of treatment program and avoid contact with children.

  Howard took a call from Eddie the Produce Guy who asked about the intern who grabbed his ass. Howard said one of the girls said she was going to do that but she didn't really grab it. Eddie said she said it was kind of mushy on the Intern Show last night. Howard said he didn't even remember that. He said Beth didn't get upset about it either.

  Howard had the intern come in. He said it was Danelle. She came in and said that she warned Howard she was going to do it and she did grab it. Howard said he must have been out of it. She said that Howard's ass was a little bit bony. Howard said that's right. She said she Facebooked it already and she had to tell people that she got to grab his ass. Howard said he didn't even remember that. Danelle said she would have liked it if Howard had grabbed her ass. She thanked Howard for the intern experience she had there. She asked if she could have some of Howard's sperm. Howard said no to her. Fred said no when she asked too.

  Robin read a story about an ballet company that's going to be performing down in Cuba for the first time in 50 years. Howard said that Castro is a complete animal and a vomit. He said the guy has enslaved people and we should have nothing to do with that Cuba. Howard said he's all for regime change down there.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said that he likes when George Takei is in and he thinks the show has been incredible lately. He said that Will and Brandano are amazing and he loves Fred too. Howard asked what his favorite moment of the week was so far. The caller said he didn't know. He said that it's been amazing lately. The guy said that Howard is one of the greatest entertainers on the planet. Howard thanked him and let him go.

  Robin read a story about a study that was done that found mothers who are exposed to pesticides can pass that along to their kids and it can cause ADHD problems. Robin said they studied people in California.

  Robin read that TV viewers want to be able to watch shows when they want and they're saying that time shifted technologies are very important. Howard said he can't stand sitting through commercials so he loves recording stuff on a DVR. Robin had some audio of a Comcast rep talking about the trend.

  Robin read about how Ernest Borgnine is 93 and still working and he may be getting a lifetime achievement award next year. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he loves that guy and he seems like a cool dude.

  Robin read a story about Jennifer Aniston's new movie and had some audio of her talking about her part in the movie. Howard lasted about 3 seconds listening to that. He said that movie sounds like another winner. Howard said she has to make a good movie one of these days. Howard said he does like Jason Bateman so maybe this one will be okay.

  Robin had some audio of Christina Applegate talking about working with Drew Barrymore. Howard said everyone is sucking so much dick when they talk about how great everyone else is. Howard said they run out of things to say about each other.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a lucky mother fucker. He said he loaded that picture of Beth on his phone and he had to congratulate him on being able to nail that whenever he wants. Howard said he wants everyone to send that picture back because it's causing some jealousy problems. The caller said he had to run one out to that picture this morning. The guy said he might be the least important person to have looked at that picture.

  Another caller told Howard about a Monty Python song that they might want to play for Eric the Midget. Howard said he actually heard that song and he didn't like it for Eric.

  Another caller said he liked hearing Joe Pesci on the phone but he had to be bullshitting about going to golf with John Daly. He said John hurt himself last week. Howard told the guy that Joe isn't a liar and he may not be playing a really hard game.

  Another caller told Howard about Jackie the Joke Man's latest pictures. He said that his teeth are really white and he looks ridiculous with the too-white teeth. Howard saw the pictures on the monitor in the studio and said they really are too white. He said they look unnatural. Howard said they could really goof on Jackie if he was still in the studio. Howard wondered how you can have teeth that white in your 60s. He said you take it down a shade to look more natural. He said that the rest of him looks 60 and his teeth look 19. Howard said it's like a night light in his mouth. Howard asked Fred what he thought. Fred wondered if they were cast out of plastic or something. He said it was like an awning. Howard wasn't sure if they were caps or what. Fred said they were less normal looking than Gary's were. Howard said the porcelain in his toilet is less white than those teeth.

  Gary said when he got his teeth done he had a chart to look at and the doctor told him that he couldn't go full white because he'd look odd. Fred said it looks like he painted his mouth with White-Out. Howard said Jackie couldn't goof on Gary's mouth now.

  Robin said that Betty White is in the news again. She's writing two books. Howard said it's enough of this Betty White. He said she's okay but it's getting to be too much. Howard said he's going to write the foreword to her books. That reminded him that he's going to be writing that foreword this weekend. He said he wished that he hadn't agreed to do that. Robin read that Betty is going to be 90 when her books a released in 2012.

  Robin read about a Mexican Mayor whose body was found just days after he was kidnapped. Howard said he would never be a political figure down there. He said that hopefully the guy had some integrity and that's why they went after him.

  Robin said a new picture of the Titanic is going to be coming out soon. They're using high tech gadgets to do a 3D image of it. Howard said no one cares. He said he actually has a mirror from the other boat that went along with the Titanic. Howard said he doesn't even remember the name of that ship.

  Robin read a story about how Francisco Rodriguez has filed a grievance against the Mets because they put him on the disqualified list after he injured his hand when he had a fight with his father-in-law.

  Benjy found out that the ship that was with the Titanic was the RMS Olympic. Howard was surprised at how fast he found that information.

  Robin read that Steven Tyler and Shania Twain may be judges on American Idol next season. Howard said he'll have to see how that works out when the ratings come out next season. He said he likes Steven but he's not sure why he'd take that job. He said he bets that the rest of Aerosmith isn't happy about it. They ended the show after that, right around 11:00am.

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• Wrap Up Show - Eric The Midget Flip Flopping Actor. 08/19/10. 11:05am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about Howard talking about his future there and how it sounds like he wants to keep working but maybe not even there. Jon said that if it doesn't work out there then there may be some time off before they start working again.

  Jon went over the other things they were going to try and cover. They ended up talking about Eric the Midget and how he's back off the red carpet deal. Gary said this is it too. He said he's moving on to find someone else to do the job. Gary said he did feel sorry for Eric at one point this morning. He said he's still beholden to his parents at 35 years old. He said he's almost like a prisoner. Gary said Fred did make a point about how Eric must have done something wrong to make his father want to track every movement in that van they have.

  Jon said he wanted to talk about ''Joe Pesci'' sitting in on the show today. Jon said that he thought he blended in very well this morning. Gary said that he did blend in very well and he had some great lines during the Eric the Midget segment. Jon said that after 4 hours Mr. Pesci must have realized that it's a tough job.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Joe and Fred were great today. He said that he thinks that Eric should stay home.

  Another caller said he was wondering what Eric the Midget would be like on the red carpet. He said that celebrities might go up to him and no matter what he asks, they're not going to answer sincerely. He said they have to send someone out who can do it. Gary said people are going to go to Eric when they see him.

  Jon asked Will if he thought it was going to fall apart as fast as it did. Will said he thought they'd get him to L.A. before it fell apart.

  Shuli came in and said he had a 10 minute conversation with Eric and he's worried about so many different things that it's like he's trying to come up with anything to keep himself from doing it. Shuli said he came up with solutions for things and Eric would say ''I guess'' to them. He said that he kept going back and forth on the whole thing. He wondered why Eric was going to blow it and why not just do it. Eric finally just said he was out. Shuli said he got a text from Eric like a minute after he got off the phone and he said he had fucked up on his decision.

  Jon said that Howard can't ban Eric from the show because he can't resist hearing him again. He could have fucked up that interview and he'd still be on the show. Gary said that Hanzi and Wheels have been calling to do the interviews. Jeff the Drunk wants to do it too.

  Gary asked Shuli if he was upset that he doesn't get to go out and put Eric in the shower and stuff. Shuli said he's bummed. He said he really wanted to work for the show himself so he did whatever he had to do. He doesn't get why Eric doesn't want to do that. Shuli said he was willing to help Eric out so he could get the job and he told him he just has to do it.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Shuli is a good dude but Eric is just a jerk off. He said they try to be nice to him and he just fucks it all up. He said that Jon Hein seems to be smart too but not eating pasta is a weird thing. He asked him if he ever thought about going to therapy for that. Jon said he never thought about that.

  Shuli said that he'd love to have Eric on the red carpet to do the interviews. He said that they could find out who the biggest asshole of a celebrity is who would walk away from a guy in a wheelchair. Gary said that you can't choose to have a handicap but you can choose to have a shitty attitude and that's what Eric has.

  A caller said that he was listening to the West Coast feed so he's missing out on some of this. He said that if it happens then Shuli could step in and ask the questions instead of Eric.

  Jon took a call from Wheels who was looking to take that job from Eric. They were talking to him for a minute and he told Shuli to go back to smoking pot. Shuli has quit smoking and he says no one is as surprised as he is. Will said they need to get Kaplan on that boat. Jon said ''You're gonna need a bigger boat...''

  Doug Goodstein came in and said that Eric isn't grateful for anything they give him. He said he's still torn about the whole thing but it's definitely a no for him after this latest thing. He said that he gave Eric every opportunity to do it. He said Shuli spent 5 minutes trying to talk him into doing it but now it's definitely over.

  Doug said it's making for great radio but they have to cut it off at some point. He said he's kind of relieved that it's not going to happen but he would have loved to have seen him fail miserably. He said he just wants that free trip to meet celebrities out there.

  Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if he's going to step up and get the job. Gary said that they've recast the script and it won't be Jeff. He knows that Jeff would have liked to have gone. Jeff cursed them out and hung up. He was pissed he didn't get the job. Jon asked him to call back in and said he wants him to talk it out. Doug said that Jeff wouldn't have been a good choice. He said that he sweats so much that it would have kept people away. Will said that neck baby he has wouldn't have helped either.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that the celebrities they'd get would have been great out there. He said that they would have something to watch no matter what. Gary agreed. The caller said he supports them in whatever they do and he hopes to hear Eric out there eventually.

  Doug suggested that they just send Eric out locally to ask general questions to people on the street. He said they can watch him fuck that up instead.

  Shuli said he got a text from Eric saying that his roommate was saying that he won't be on camera. He didn't want to do it for Fringe and he knows that he won't do it for this. It sounds like Eric hasn't even asked Jon about it at this point. Will said that he wouldn't want to be on camera either if he had to take care of midgets for a living.

  Jon took a call from Lilly who asked Gary if he would go to Howard's apartment unannounced. Gary said no. He said he wouldn't do that to a lot of people.

  Lilly also said she lives in Drew Barrymore's building and she has fluctuations in weight. She said that it's on a month to month basis. Gary said they can tell from pictures. Lilly said she's a doll though. Gary said he likes Drew and he always has. He said that he thinks she's cute but she's had a really fucked up life.

  Lilly asked how Benjy and Tracey are doing. Gary said he's not sure since they don't talk to Benjy on the Wrap Up Show. He's due to come back sometime next month. Will said that he'll be in there as soon as the show ends that day.

  Lilly said she loves Richard and Sal. She said that she wondered if they feel bad about not intervening in Artie's downfall. Gary said he's not sure what she means by intervening. He said they did let people know what was going on with him. He said they weren't ignoring what was going on. There were a lot of people talking to him and people around him. Lilly asked if anyone has guilt. Jon said he feels bad about what happened and what Artie has gone through. He said he doesn't think that Artie wanted him to reach out to him. He said there's not much you can do when they don't want help. Jon said he misses Artie too.

  Gary said he went out to a Yankee game with Artie and a couple of there guys. He said he had like 50 Jack Daniels shots before the 4th inning. Gary said he wanted to talk to Artie about something there and he brought up something that had happened on the shoe and Artie wanted to throw him out of the car. He said that he really didn't want to talk about that stuff outside of the show. Gary said he feels bad too but doesn't have any guilt. They had to go to break after that.

• Wrap Up Show - Jerry O'Connell. 08/19/10. 11:35am
  After the break Jon said they were going to move on to talk about Jerry O'Connell. He said it sounds like Jerry was worried about his standing with Howard after the interview. Gary thinks that Jerry likes Howard and if there is something between Howard and Rebecca, maybe Jerry doesn't even know about it. He said that Jerry was telling Howard to talk to Rebecca about it if he feels there's something there. Jon said that it is tricky in a divorce and it's almost impossible to do with some people. Jon said that Jerry's impression tape is still leading the pack right now.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Jerry was backsliding a little bit toward the end of the interview. He thinks that Rebecca wants to get away from everything John Stamos and Howard is one of those things. The caller said maybe she'd get close with Beth but that's up to Beth to decide. Today was also Stamos' birthday so that didn't come up during the interview.

  The caller said that they should start another celebrity death list for marriages. He said he doesn't think that Jerry and Rebecca are going to last more than 5 years. Gary thought it was already 5 years. The caller said they got married in like 2007 so it hasn't been 5 yet.

  Jon said Jerry is a real fan of the show. Will said they have a fantasy league going on there and Jerry is in it with them. He's the only celebrity outside of the show who is in it. He said he finishes last every time though. Will said the guy is a good guy and he hangs out talking to them after the show when he comes in.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Jerry was going to get in trouble with his wife after today's show. Jon said he claims to be happily married and he's having a good life. The caller said that if Rebecca has some animosity toward Howard then she's really going to be upset. Jon said they're not sure there is any animosity.

  Gary said there was a great married guy moment when Jerry said that he's done playing video games and they're stupid. He said that he used to love those things. Will said that Jerry had to write an apology to his wife to People Magazine for saying she was fat in another interview.

  A caller said that his brother was in line with Jerry at some place in California and he asked Jerry when he was going to be back on the show. Jerry told him that he might not be back based on what happened last time. Gary said that Jerry was supposed to be in live but he had to be on call for his TV show so they couldn't have him in. He said he would have been in there live though.

  The caller also asked about a psychiatric exam that Robin and Howard had agreed to take after the IQ test thing. Gary didn't remember that but Jon did. Gary said he'd have to look into it.

  Jon took a call from a guy pretending to be Lilly who was asking questions with her British accent. It turns out it was Jerry O'Connell doing the impression. Jerry said he's like the Rich Little of the Howard Stern Show. Jerry did some Mariann from Brooklyn too.

  Gary asked Jerry if he would come in there live. Jerry said of course he would. He said that they were very nice to take the call today. He said that they don't do that for everyone.

  Jerry told the guys to leave Eric the Midget alone. He said of course he's going to have a chip on his shoulder. He said they should be encouraging him. Gary said the guy is resistant to everything though. Jerry said that Eric is doing a shtick. Gary said there is no shtick there.

  Jon asked Jerry how the celebs would handle Eric on the red carpet. Jerry said he thinks he'd get some attention. He said that he'd do well. He said he'd like to encourage the guy to do it. He said he's not sure what to think. Gary said that Eric is going to latch on to Jerry now and he'll be nagging the shit out of him and he'll be calling the show in 3 months complaining about him.

  Jon said it seemed like Jerry was trying to balance his relationship with Howard and his wife. Jerry said he's not threatened. He said he just doesn't get involved in that shit. He doesn't want to be in the middle of the drama like that. He said it's Howard's drama, not his. Jerry said that they were out on Long Island this summer and he didn't call Howard. He had the kids so he didn't want to bother Howard with that. He said it would be awful dragging them out there and having them break something.

  Gary told Jerry that he'll be calling him soon to ask him to be part of the Celebrity Superfan show. Jerry said he's available but if they get bigger stars then he's fine with that. Gary said that he's on the short list.

  Jerry asked if Joe Pesci being in the studio is a sign of the times or what. Gary asked what he meant by that. Jerry said he's a big Jim Breuer fan and he thinks that he fits in the room. Gary said that the appearance of Joe Pesci is no more or less significant than George Takei sitting in. He said that it's someone who can come in and say hello. He said they're not trying to fill an empty chair or anything.

  Jerry asked if they're going to be off for 3 weeks now. Gary said it's just one week. He mumbled that under his breath like he was giving away some huge secret. They let Jerry go a short time later.

  Another caller asked if Howard is so egotistical that he has to ask people over and over if they really like him. He said it seems like he just wants to be accepted by Hollywood. Jon said that Howard and Rebecca had a relationship at one time and he's wondering what's going on with it now. They spent a few minutes talking about that. Gary was saying that Howard is just thinking that Jerry and Rebecca could get a babysitter to take care of the kids while they go out to dinner or something. Gary said that the caller wasn't listening to what he was saying about this either.

  Another caller said that maybe Rebecca is uncomfortable about the thing that happened with John, Howard and Beth that one time. Gary said they did hang out the summer before last so that theory doesn't hold water with him. The caller said that Howard did say he felt some uncomfortableness with her. They weren't sure what that was about.

  Another caller said that it sounds like Howard and the guys are going to be staying together no matter what. Gary said he thought it was just Howard and Robin. Jon thought that it was everyone based on what Howard said. The caller was also wondering what Lilly looks like. He said she could look like Babe Ruth for all they know. They had to end the show a short time later.

• Best Of The Week. 08/20/10. 6:00am
  This week's Best Of The Week is below. Each of the segments are linked to the archived parts above. Here's what they played:
  • Best Of The Week - David Hasselhoff Roast Clips. 08/20/10. 6:00am
  • Best Of The Week - Sylvester Stallone. 08/20/10. 6:35am
  • Best Of The Week - Fast Food Show Clips. 08/20/10. 7:50am
  • Best Of The Week - Eric The Midget. 08/20/10. 9:25am
  • Best Of The Week - Whitney Cummings. 08/20/10. 10:45am

  Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.

• Master Tape Theatre - October 30, 2001. 08/22/10. 3:00pm
  This Master Tape Theatre was in my archives. You can read details in my 2001 Archives.
  • Various Stuff. 10/30/01. 6:05am
  • Bill Sardi Suggests Garlic To Protect Against Anthrax. 10/30/01. 7:15am
  • Howard Talks To Suffolk County D.A. 10/30/01. 8:05am
  • Former Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss Calls In. 10/30/01. 9:10am