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Howard started the show talking about a story that came out over the weekend about a woman who bit her husband's tongue off. Howard said he tried to listen to the tape but it's so disgusting that he can't do it. The guy called 911 after she did it and that's why there's tape. Robin said she thought there was tape during the biting.
Howard said he'd try to play the tape but he's not sure how much he's going to get through. He said some people were saying they found it funny but he doesn't find it funny at all. Howard played some of a news report about the guy who wasn't able to speak because his tongue was bitten off. Then you hear the wife singing religious music in the background. The news reporter was reporting on all of this stuff that was going on during the 9-1-1 call. The wife was singing Christmas songs. They had some audio of their neighbors talking about hearing some of the singing going on.
Howard said he bets the neighbors are glad to get rid of her. He said the guy is like 79 and the wife was 57. He said she's a young chippie compared to the guy. Howard said the guy asked the cops not to press charges against her. They reported that she's been arrested and she's going to undergo psychiatric help.
Howard said the pain in the ass of it is that Gary was never able to get a confirmation that he was going to come in. He said that no one from his organization had confirmed it. Howard said he thinks it was all a bunch of bullshit.
Howard said they have the piano there so he can do his rendition of Twilight Zone again if Robin wants to hear it. Howard said McCartney was on Saturday Night Live and on Jimmy Fallon's show last week. He said the people at Saturday Night Live have some major audio problems. He said they had his voice too low and then the voice was too high in the second song. He said by the third song they got it right. That's the second week in a row that they had problems. Howard had a guy on the phone who said the same thing.
The caller said he deleted it immediately after watching some of it. He said it was unwatchable. Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about that. The guy sounds a lot like Melrose Larry Green so Howard talked about that. The guy said that he really isn't him though.
The caller asked if the McCartney concert on Howard 101 is exclusive to that channel. Howard said they have like 3 other channels there to pick it up on.
Robin said that guy is really eerie sounding like Melrose. She wondered why he wasn't identifying himself.
Howard said he was checking out the set list for the McCartney concert tonight. Howard said that he can't recognize some of the songs. He said he knew most of them though. Howard said he was even covering some Jimi Hendrix. He didn't know what ''Sing the Changes'' was. The guys told him what that was and he remembered that he had heard it.
Howard asked about some of the other songs and Fred tried to sing them to him. Howard asked him to play some of the actual song since his singing wasn't doing it.
Howard said he heard the show is going to go until about 11 or 11:15 so he may have to duck out early. Robin said she's not sure if she's staying. She said she may not get any rest today. Howard said he wanted to catch a snooze but he's not sure if he'll be able to do that.
Robin said that she was talking to her mom about how she hated vegetables as a kid and now she's a vegan. She said that she used to cook the vegetables until they weren't recognizable. She told a story about her mom making her brother eat her vegetables once when she refused.
Howard said Robin has come full circle. Robin said it wasn't the vegetables fault that she didn't like them as a kid. She said they were over cooked. They talked about what Robin brought to dinner and things like that. She said it wasn't just vegetables.
Robin said that her mother is one of those people who won't try new things. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said that Ross is like that. Howard said if you don't tell him what it is then he'll enjoy it. Howard said that Ross is a weird dude.
Gary said he was just with Ross a week ago and they were out eating. He said that he ordered a burger and he asked for a burger with nothing on it. He said it was really weird. Gary said they got some sliders and they were basically eating meat and bread. Gary said he didn't want to hear it so he just ate them like that.
Howard said it's weird how some people just can't try new things. He thinks that it was the way he was raised. Robin said that it does seem to be for that reason. Howard said it's just weird. He said Fred used to be like that. Fred said he's evolved. Fred said his mom used to make milk soup and no one makes milk soup.
Howard said they used to have to do everything for Fred. He said that he was a Hillbilly so they had to do everything like help him open a bank account and things like that. They had to open him an account at a bank so he could cash his checks. They did have a bank where they could cash their checks from the radio station but you had to rush to get it done before they ran out of cash. He said if you were too late they'd be out of money.
Howard said when Fred came to Washington DC it was like taking an alien to their planet. Robin said it was like that movie ''Nell.'' She said they could have called it ''Fred.'' Howard said Fred didn't have an apartment and he had no idea how to find one. Howard said they went through the news paper and tried to find him something. He said they found something in Maryland and Fred had no money so they had to find roommates. Fred said there was one that was really nice but the guy looked like the guy who got his tongue bit off. They were really religious people.
Howard said that Fred was living in an apartment with people who hated him. He said that the kitchen was communal and they didn't want him in there. Howard said Fred would go out to eat instead of going to the kitchen.
Howard said he tried to get Fred out on the weekends but it wasn't easy. He said he loved the guy but it was tough. He said they had a blizzard down there and then Fred wouldn't leave. He said he wouldn't eat much and he was always eating hot dogs. He said they tried to get him to eat other things and he wasn't interested.
Howard said Fred is much different now. He said that they had to find him an apartment and Fred took the first thing he found. Howard said he was near a deli so he'd eat there all the time. Howard said Fred's dad would come and build him things for his apartment. If he hadn't done that then the apartment would be empty. Robin said that Fred used to turn her furniture over to see if his dad could build it.
Howard said that Fred's place was broken into and robbed. Fred said he doesn't think that he was robbed. He said that something else was going on. He said that he once saw an arm come through his window and he thinks that it was the landlord trying to get the other guy evicted. He said they were in the wrong apartment.
Howard said Fred's dad came and double bolted the door after that. Fred said he did that on his own actually. Howard said that he remembers it differently. Howard asked if he visits his dad in his grave. Fred said he chooses to visit people when they're alive. He said he's not really into that.
Robin also said she went to a Washington Redskins game over the weekend. She said that she had auctioned herself off to go to a game and that's what she was doing. Robin said she got to walk on the field and see the guys warming up. Robin said she saw some of the players warming up and it was cool to see how big the guys are. Then you go up in the stands and they look like ants.
Robin got home around 7:30 or 8 last night. She took the train. Howard asked how long the ride is. She said it's like 2 1/2 hours. Robin said she was able to work on the internet on her ride. She said they have plugs on the train and you can spread out and relax.
Robin said she saw some really big guys on the train. She said that the former British Prime Minister was on the train so that's why that was. Robin said she saw Vice President Biden on the train once too. Robin said she had lunch out on Thursday and saw Michael J. Fox out with his wife. She also saw Tea Leone out recently too.
Howard asked how Michael J. Fox is doing. Robin said she seems to be doing okay. Howard said it sucks that he has that Parkinson's disease. He thought it killed you. Robin said she thinks that you just shake yourself to death. Howard said life's a bitch.
Howard asked Robin about Bernie Madoff's son killing himself. Robin said that they were trying to put the whole family in jail. Howard said that he wonders if Bernie is so heartless that he doesn't care about the kids. Robin said he may not feel for his son. Howard said he's such a weirdo. Howard said this is the son who changed her family's name to Morgan from Madoff. Howard said that's how embarrassed she was. The kid wasn't able to get any work after what his father did.
Howard said the kid hung himself with a dog leash. Robin said maybe he was doing something else. Howard wondered if David Carradine ever did that.
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Howard said he's glad that he didn't promote the McCartney thing this morning. He said he's not sure it ever existed. He thinks that Scott Greenstein was trying to be a hero and it just didn't work out. Howard said they wanted to be prepared this morning so they got the piano in there. Howard said he told Gary that something was fishy about it. He said he got the note yesterday about it not happening.
The caller asked what Howard was going to do if he did get Paul in there. Howard said he had a few areas he wanted to get into with him.
The caller, Mark from Boston, said he wanted to thank him again for giving him tickets to the concert. Howard said he can't wait to see him tonight. Howard said he should come up and say hi. Howard said that he's looking forward to this concert.
Howard said he heard that Robin has rearranged her vacation so she can dome to the holiday party. Howard said he's happy about that. Robin said she had to work hard to get it changed.
Howard said he went out to dinner last night and they have a place called the Lincoln Ristorante in Lincoln Center. Howard said he couldn't remember the name. Robin said she had been there. Howard said he was drinking last night and said he'd have just one glass of wine but he had more than that.
Howard said there's a place called B&B that his friend has. He said the place is cool and it was good. He said they had to rush through that though. Howard said they were on their way out to a fund raising thing for the North Shore Animal League. Howard said they went and did that and Beth told him that he wasn't invited. Howard said it was at some club and they ended up picking up a new dog that they had found on the street there. He said they try to get dogs adopted and they end up picking up another one.
Robin said she had dinner with one of Michael Jackson's old managers. She said that she told the woman the story about Howard meeting him and she said it wasn't always like that. Howard said that Jackson was a weirdo. He said they were trying to save his career at the time and he must have felt weird about it but the guy was really odd. Robin said that Michael didn't like meeting too many new people at one time.
Robin said that this woman told her that Michael used to be the life of the party with some people he'd visit with. He met the Williams sisters and he was taking them on tours of his place and being the life of the party. Howard said his meeting with him was just weird. He said there was nothing normal about the dude.
Howard had the audio from Saturday Night Live where the audio was completely off. Howard played that and McCartney's voice was a little too low. Howard said it was bad already after just a few seconds. Howard said he's really not nuts after hearing that.
Howard tried to get more out of the guy but he wasn't able to get the story out of him. That led to him playing a song parody about Gary's never ending book tour.
Howard said his signing for the new contract has been big news over the weekend. Some people were saying they knew nothing about his contract but they think that he took a pay cut. Howard said they have no confirmation on that. Howard said it's ridiculous that they're reporting like that. They're making up the news. Howard said every place went berserk with that news.
Howard said they were saying that he was crowing about his last contract when that never happened. Howard said he has never talked about the kind of salary he gets. Howard said he was never comfortable with that. Howard said he doesn't care what anyone thinks he's making. As long as he's able to feed his family then he's happy. Howard said it's weird how they all think that he has to take a pay cut.
Howard said the people who are fans are very vocal. He had some tweets that Ralph forwarded to him. He said he had a whole book of them. He was going to read those but he had some other stuff to talk about too.
Howard said he was leaving on Thursday and they always have people in the lobby there. Howard said they went kind of late on Thursday. He took a nap in his office and on his way out Jared asked him about the McCartney concert. He wanted to set up a meet and greet but his wife and his daughter's friend wouldn't be able to go back. Howard said he could have emailed him about that. Howard said he was out of it from his nap and he just said ''Yeah, sure... fine'' to him. He said he just can't talk to people after the show.
Howard said he was walking out and then this older woman came up to him out in the lobby and said hello to him. Howard said she asked if he knew who she was. Howard said she assumed he knew who she was and she could have just said who she was. Howard said she asked if he was alright. Howard said he just wanted to go home. He said he was very tired and didn't know who she was. It turned out she was Jackie Bisset. Robin said she saw her and she knew who it was but it took her a while to figure it out.
Howard said she was the gorgeous woman from ''The Deep'' but she doesn't look like that now. He said she's still nice looking though. He said she's very attractive but doesn't look the same as she did in ''The Deep.''
Howard said hello to Jackie and went overboard being nice to her. He said he was so fogged out that he was trying to remember what Jared said to him. Howard said he was fuckin' out of it. He said he has to figure out a different way out of the building.
Howard said he got down to his car and thought about how he should have recognized Jackie Bisset. He said that he was in his car remembering what Jared had said to him and figured that wasn't going to fly. He said he sent an email to Tim about that and told him that it wasn't going to work. He's not going back stage after the show without his wife. He said his daughter would like to get his autograph but he's not going to turn this into a whole big thing. He said he may have to just sign something for her himself.
Howard said he didn't ask for all of this. Howard said Jared was then apologizing to him and he didn't need that. He said he just doesn't need any special treatment.
Howard said he has to talk to Robin about that. He said he'll be very jealous if she doesn't come back. He said that he'll be really upset that he signed for 5 years. He said it would really suck dick if she doesn't come back.
Howard brought up Robin's trip to Thailand and played a song parody about that. Howard said he doesn't understand going there and fasting. He said that's what she's going to be doing. He said the whole thing is to go there and enjoy their food and culture. Robin said she has had Thai food and she doesn't need to eat it while she's there. Howard said that Robin isn't going to eat over there. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He wanted to talk to her after the show about her contract thing. He said he is concerned. Robin said she has no offer at this time. Howard said he has thoughts on all of that. Howard said that they may not be worth anything to her but he'll tell her anyway. Howard said it would be very cruel of her to not continue on and let him keep working for 5 more years. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how Paul has written more hit songs than anyone else. Robin said that they say Mariah Carrey has that title. Howard said that can't be. Howard said McCartney is like a modern day Beethoven or something. Howard said that he's insanely talented and Mariah is just insane.
Howard said Barbara Walters had Oprah on her special and he's obsessed with Oprah. He said that she was part of the 10 most fascinating people show. Howard said he finds her so full of shit but so interesting. Howard said that he wishes she'd just come out and say she doesn't like men. He said he can tell she's not thrilled with them after watching her show. Howard said she must have a warped view of men but that's the way men are. He said they want to stick a finger in a woman. Howard said that's why he won't let Beth get a massage from a guy. He said he doesn't need her in that situation.
Howard said that some women are so hot that they can even turn gay guys straight for a moment. He said that he knows a lot of gay men who have fucked women because of that. Howard said that George Takei has done that. Howard said that he was really turned on by Richard getting naked in there. Robin said George starts to melt when he sees that kind of thing.
Howard said he's obsessed with George's feet. He said he's so funny and that's not from his running shoes. Howard said that his explanation was insane last week. He claimed that his foot was in a tight shoe and he ran in them once and then his foot got all screwed up. Then his other foot did the same thing to match the other foot. Howard said George was shocked when they told him that he had this certain condition.
Robin said he had bunions going on too. She said that his foot was a mess from that. Howard said he's not sure how he wears shoes. Robin said it reminded her of that Total Recall movie where everyone had something weird living in them.
Howard said he invited Jay to last year's holiday party and he did that as a nice gesture. He said that he didn't want a bunch of people showing up who were just fans. He said Al Rosenberg was going to bring a friend from the Friar's Club with him. He said Al understood, he thinks, but there were some other people who brought in total strangers with them. Howard said that's just what some people do.
Howard said it's not that kind of party. It's for significant others and wives/husbands. Howard said he remembers his mom sitting home while his father would go to parties for work. He said that's the way things were.
Howard said his dad got beat up on the subway once after going to one of those parties. Howard said he used to sit home listening to his mother complaining about that. Howard did an impression of his mom talking about all she did for her husband and how disgusting it was that she wasn't invited.
Howard said when he did this holiday party he made sure to invite the spouses. Howard said his mother used to say ''Believe you me'' a lot and he's not sure what that even means. Fred was looking it up. Howard continued to do his impression of his mom.
Lisa said she's coming to the party alone. She asked if she could bring David Arquette. Howard told her no. He said that it's for the staff and their significant others. He said that it's not for shitheads. He said that's all it's about. He said that he just doesn't want any shitheads there.
Howard said Jay Thomas brought his kids to the party. He said that he'd live to bring his kids but that's not what the party is for. Howard said that Jay brought his son and that's the son that he gave away. Howard said that he liked the kid but come on. He said that Jay shouldn't have brought his kid. He said he doesn't have to lay his guilt on him.
Howard said Jay's son brought friends too. He said that he didn't just come alone. Howard said there were like 2 other friends. Howard said Jay was just ignoring the whole point of the party. He said he should have thrown him out.
Howard said they're not going to do karaoke this year. He said they'll have dance music instead. Howard said he put down the edict to just play light music during dinner and then have dance music after. He said they can all get wasted and then dance.
Howard asked Lisa if she drinks. Lisa said she does with food. Howard told her that they only go around once so she has to loosen up a little bit. Lisa said she's getting her outfit together. She said that she has a stylist helping her out but it's just for this party. Howard said that's alright.
Howard asked if she wanted to have David there because she's interested. She said she just wanted to bring a date. She said that she knows he's a big fan of the show and he may be in town. Robin said she's going to be there solo. Lisa said that she can hang with them at the bar.
Howard said they all hang out and it's not about couples. Howard said Beth is going to be busy walking around. He asked if anyone is going to be there just sitting alone. Robin said that everyone walks around and talks. Howard said that if she has no one to talk to then just go talk to Fred because Fred won't shut the fuck up.
Fred wasn't sure if that was an insult or not. Howard said it's great when Fred talks. He said he likes being able to go to Fred and just let him talk. Howard said they're all buddies and they can all talk at the party. He said it's like a family gathering. Lisa said it must be all in her head then. Howard said he remembers Lisa last year sitting at a table of people with no one talking to her. Lisa said she did Karaoke with Howard. Howard said he had to cheer her up.
Howard said Robin is a good dancer and so is his wife. Howard said he's not very good. Howard said he was surprised how good Robin was. He said he remembers the first time he saw Robin and how he thought that it could go horribly wrong. Howard said he just stands there and shakes his arms and doesn't really enjoy it. Howard said Ronnie is a douche when he dances.
Howard demonstrated how he dances and said that he doesn't get any enjoyment out of it. Howard showed them how he does it and Lisa and Robin gave him some advice on how to change. Lisa was laughing hysterically at him. She said that he's moving his legs so that's what he's supposed to do. Howard said that's how he feels inside but he's afraid to do that. Robin said he was doing it in time to the music and it was original. Fred told him not to let them snow him. He said that just wasn't good. He said that no guys enjoy that. The Howard TV guys showed the video of him dancing and Howard said that's what he feels he wants to do internally. Robin was laughing her ass off at him.
Howard said he's got the reason for why they're not doing karaoke this year. He played some audio of Ronnie doing the Hokey Pokey (calling it the Hopey Copey) in karaoke one year.
Howard said he doesn't have fun dancing. He said it's just kind of a drag. Howard said he has a DJ supposedly. He said that this guy who has a restaurant hired him.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Whitney Cummings has signed a deal with CBS to write a sitcom pilot. Howard said he's happy for her. Howard said she's really good. They talked about some of the other deals that she had in the works too. Howard said it has to happen for her now or it may not happen at all.
Lisa said they have the Mr. Skin New year in Review tonight on Howard 101 at 6:45. Then they have the Paul McCartney concert starting at 8. She said they'll be at the red carpet talking to people. Howard said that he's pretty sure that the concert is going to be starting on time.
Howard asked what time he should leave. Robin said he might have to leave at 8:30. Howard said he should be able to hear 3 or 4 songs before he leaves. Howard said he's such a baby that he may not be able to stay. He said he's taking his daughter out to dinner and then out to the concert. Robin said Ralph is going to give her a tutorial about the iPad when he comes over. Howard said he got that tutorial too and it wasn't that big of a help. Howard said he doesn't use his iPad so much. He said that he just goes to the chess site to play and he can't do it on the iPad because it doesn't support Flash.
Howard said he really has to stop playing chess. He said he's really not that good. Howard said this guy he played was a douche bag about the game. He said if he loses then he thanks people for the game. He said that this guy wrote back ''Sorry.'' He said that he got disgusted and just disconnected. Howard said that he could have said ''good game'' back to him. Howard said the guy was an asshole.
Howard said he's been playing for 3 years and he still sucks. He said he takes lessons a couple of times a week and it's not helping. He said he hates people. He said that he'd play the computer but it's not that interesting.
Howard said he bought a nice chess set but he hasn't played anyone on it. Robin said he has to develop some chess friends. Howard just laughed.
Robin said that Howard playing chess is like Gary pitching. Howard said that Gary is just horrible doing that.
Howard let Lisa go after that. Howard asked if Lisa was going to be at the concert. Lisa said she will be on the Red Carpet. Howard laughed when he heard she wasn't getting in and she'd just be outside.
Howard asked JD who he's bringing to the holiday party. JD said he's coming alone. Howard said he should bring that chick he's fucking. JD said he doesn't want to bring her. Howard heard that he blew her off to watch a football game recently. JD said that he did that but he has his reasons. He didn't want to explain what they all were though. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said that JD really mystifies him. He said he gets the feeling that he's either solid and independent or damaged. JD said it might be both.
Howard asked JD if he thinks he's damaged or just independent. JD said he thinks that he's independent. Howard said he always needed a woman in his life. He said that he's a mess in a way. JD said he's a mess because he doesn't care about being around people. Howard said that's the way Ralph is too. Howard said he's not sure if Ralph has been around any chicks lately. Howard said that he doesn't think Ralph is gay but he's not a very good judge. Robin said it was okay until he called in and said that he'd wrestle with George Takei last week.
Howard said there are guys who think that Ralph has to have given a guy a hand job at least. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he asked Ralph if he hooked up with any chicks out in Los Angeles when he was out there and he didn't. He said Ralph was just hanging out with Sam Simon.
Howard said if he had a stripper who wanted to come over and blow him, he'd do that instead of watching football. He said he's all about the pussy. JD said she ''could have came over'' so Howard had to correct him on that. Howard said she could have ''come'' over. JD said he doesn't tell the chick not to come over. He tried to explain it but he said he had said too much already. Fred asked if he doesn't like her. JD said he likes her but not in that girlfriend kind of way. JD said he's not sure if she wants more than that. He said there have been things that have happened that make it seem like she wants a boyfriend.
Howard told JD he should bring someone with him. JD said he thought about bringing that chick that was in there with Flo Rida the time he was in. Howard said he should. JD said he's coming alone this time. Howard said he should have a bouncer there to keep Jay from bringing his whole family into the party this year.
Howard asked JD about how he's been doing in the fantasy football league. JD said he came in last. Howard asked some questions about how that all works. JD said he just picked the wrong guys because his whole team did just about nothing this season. JD won one year.
Gary said that Steve Brandano had a party last week and JD played beer pong and he sat on the couch pouting. He said that Katie the intern went over to him to talk and he didn't want to talk. Gary asked if it bummed him out that much. JD said he's very competitive and it did bum him out. He apologized for being so competitive.
Howard said that JD must be interested in that Katie. JD said she's very attractive but she's an intern. Howard said she's only like 17. He asked what she was doing at that party. JD said it wasn't his party. He said he just went and played beer pong.
Howard said he's looking forward to talking to JD at the party. Robin said he's a good dancer. Howard said he really is and he taught him to dance once. Howard asked JD to dance for them to show how he does it. Howard tried to do it the same way but it wasn't working according to Robin. Howard tried to do JD's move but it didn't look right. Howard let JD go after that. Howard asked what he's going to wear to the party. JD said he'll dress up and get a nice shirt from the Gap or something. Howard said he was thinking about wearing a suit. JD said he wouldn't do that.
Howard said it would be cool if JD and Lisa G hit it off this year. He said that they never have any scandal at the party. He said Benjy was the only fun one last year. He said the girl he brought was so much fun. All of the wives hated her. Benjy is bringing another girl this year. Benjy said that this girl is a fun, sweet girl. Howard said Benjy isn't handsome to him but he's always got hot women. He said he's a player. Benjy said he's not that bad looking. Howard said he's gross to some women. Robin said she wouldn't say he's gross. Benjy said he has a nice face if you look at it. Howard said he doesn't have good skin and he knows he's not good looking.
Howard asked Robin if he's cute on any level. Robin said he is cute. Howard said it's in a non-sexual way. He said he doesn't mean to insult him but that's the way he feels. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine kissing him. Robin said she can't imagine that. She said she would never be able to date him because he's so weird. She said if he wasn't so weird she'd be able to date him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was watching the Bonus Show and he's a JD fan but he looks terrible right now. Howard said he did get heavy. The caller said he's a fan of JD's and he needs to do some exercise. JD said that's going to be one of his new years resolutions.
The caller asked why they never play any Gilbert stuff on Howard TV. Howard said they should play it. Howard said that he's very funny. He's funny except when he's spitting in the cupcakes.
Howard said he's excited about this McCartney concert. He said that his daughter is going to love it. Fred is bringing his daughter too but Howard doesn't think that she'll appreciate it like she would if she was older.
Howard asked if he has to get up to bad 1000 times to get 3 hits. Benjy said he gets rejected sometimes. Howard asked how he meets them. Howard said David Brenner used to just walk up to women and ask them out on the street. Benjy said he wishes that he could do that more. Howard asked how he meets them. Benjy said he meets some on Facebook. JD said that's how he's met a lot of the girls he's talked to. Howard said that everyone lies about the way they look.
Howard said that the chicks Benjy gets are hot too. That chick he had at the party last year was really hot. He asked if she was great in bed. Benjy said she was but that's the way it is if you're really into a chick. He said if you're having fun and she's into it then of course it's going to be fun.
Howard said Benjy is something else. Benjy said that he would like to get married some day. He said that he tries to figure out the relationship and usually moves on after a short time if he sees that it's not going to go in the right direction. Howard said he's not insecure at all. Howard said he is insecure and that's why he finds someone and marries them.
Benjy said that he looks good if you look at his face from one point to another. Howard said he was convincing him. Robin said he's like Brad Pitiful.
Howard wondered how Sal is doing after crying last week. Howard said he freaked him out completely last week telling him that he was leaving radio. He stole the show with this crying. Howard said Sal made George Takei start crying too. Howard played some of that audio and said it was the best. Robin said she's never seen a breakdown like that on the show before. Howard played a song parody about Sal's crying to the tune of Van Halen's Janie's Crying. They went to break right after that.
Howard came back and asked Fred about the song. Fred said they're number one on the rock Billboard charts. Howard said they sound pretty good. Howard said he's so freaked out by the whole Paul McCartney thing. He said the piano tuner showed up at 5:30 in the morning to tune the piano. He said he got word that he wasn't coming yesterday. Howard said that it bummed him out. He said he kept being told that he was coming in but he had a feeling he wasn't going to.
Howard said that Oprah was on this Barbara Walters special and he wanted to play some of the clips. He had some news clips about his new contract signing too. He wanted to get out of there around 10 today if that's possible. Howard said he's got a busy day today. He said he wants to talk to Robin about what's going on with her. He said he might go into her booth and talk to her.
Howard said he had 4 clips there of Oprah. He said that it sounds like she's thrown in the towel on her weight. He said that she's also shocked to hear she's not with Stedman.
Howard played some of the clips where Barbara and Oprah talked about Stedman and what's going on with him. Oprah said that she pulled back on her public appearances with him because of all of the news stories that came out about them. Barbara said that people think things are over between them because she's not out there with him. Even Barbara said she thought they were broken up. Oprah claimed that they're still together and they had just seen each other that morning.
Howard said they don't live together and she's never seen out with the guy so she can't be shocked that people think they're not together. Howard said that if you're Oprah Winfrey, how do you avoid going out to places without your boyfriend. Howard said when Robin was going out with Jim Florentine they were photographed because they were out at places they wanted to be together at. Howard said Oprah is talking about these ''exploitive'' stories about them and that just isn't the case.
Oprah was saying that Stedman is out on his own doing business stuff and he'll be back in two days. She said the one regret she has about the whole fame thing is that she brought him into it without his own volition. Howard said she must be like a vampire who made him a vampire against his will. He said he can't even explain what she just said.
Howard and Robin were wondering what story could have made Oprah want to go into hiding with this relationship. Howard said Barbara should have followed up on that. He said that Oprah is just lying about that. Howard said Barbara should have said that answer was the most bizarre answer she had ever heard. Howard said he thinks that Oprah has some weird thing going on there. He said that might be one of the strangest answers he's ever heard on a Barbara Walters special. Howard said that was one of his favorite clips.
Howard played another clip where Barbara asked Oprah about her weight. Oprah said she thinks she did a disservice to herself by concentrating on her exterior so much. She said that she had a thyroid problem but that's been fixed. She said she has to work out harder and eat half of what she used to eat in order to be the weight she would like to be. She doesn't have the time to give to it now so she's just going with it. Howard said she just gave up and threw in the towel. She's going to be fat and not take care of herself. Howard said she's saying she doesn't have any time to eat less. Robin said she could fast and find plenty of time.
Howard said he doesn't dislike Oprah but he finds her very odd. He said that she's doing some false advertising on her magazine covers with the pictures they put on there. Robin said she didn't even know that was Oprah. She thought they had some model on the cover.
Howard played another clip where Oprah talked about how she's just going to keep going until she's been used up. Howard wondered what she's talking about and why she's talking all of this hogwash. He said it's a bit much. Howard said this whole thing has become a whole religion. He said she might be like Jesus Christ some day in a hundred years.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wants to know how Benjy gets to go to the McCartney concert when he doesn't even show up on time. Howard said he is going. He didn't know that. He said he has nothing to do with the distribution of tickets. Howard said if he was in charge of giving out the tickets he wouldn't have given him any. He's not going to take them away though.
Bobo called in and said that he loved the prank they pulled on Sal last week but he'd like to know how his wife reacted when she heard it. Howard said he doesn't think Sal even talks to his wife in that way. Bobo's phone was echoing so he had to hang up on him.
Sal said that all of his wife's friends called her about that whole thing so they're going to have a viewing party of the show. He said she was laughing hysterically when he walked in the door when he got home. Howard played a song parody they had with Sal crying in it.
Sal said that his wife is having this viewing party and she had her friends reading from the HowardStern.com rundown. Sal said it's all just great. Howard said that he has to show his wife what's going to happen in 5 years when he does retire. Howard said she has to cut back on spending so they have something to live on when he leaves.
Howard said he got a lot of email about how happy people are to have him sticking around for another 5 years. He read some of the mail they got about the prank they pulled on Sal. People wrote in about how dopey Sal sounded and how funny it was that he was an investment advisor before he got this job but he has no savings of his own.
Sal said that when you have a wife and 3 kids it's tough. He said you can't just sock it all away because you have to enjoy it.
Howard said he would feel so down from his wife doing what she did. Howard said she really hates him. Sal said he doesn't believe that. Howard said she hates him. He kept telling Sal that she ''HATES'' him over and over.
Howard said there's a point in this Housewives of Beverly Hills where Camille sees Kelsey Grammer and he just blows her off saying he needs time alone. Howard said he hates her like Sal's wife hates him. Howard said that she's going to have this viewing party and laugh at Sal. Howard said she hates Sal.
Sal said that her friends are fans of the show and they're just going to watch the show. Howard said that Christine is a lovely woman but Sal must be an asshole for her to hate him so much.
Sal said that his wife has put up with a lot that he's done on the show. He said that it's almost like a touche thing with her reveling in this whole thing. He said it's like she's been vindicated.
Sal said that his wife was yelling at him about the way he was wrapping gifts over the weekend. Howard said he wouldn't even wrap presents so Sal seems to be a good husband. Sal said that if he puts his foot down then she reminds him why he shouldn't be doing that. Howard asked if he ever has sex anymore. Howard said you have to ask. Sal said he's beyond that, he's up to begging. He said that he'll ask her to have sex and she'll just rush him through it during commercials.
Howard said Sal's wife doesn't seem to want him sexually at all. Sal said when they do have sex it's great. Howard asked if she makes noise. Sal said she does. Robin asked if there's a change in her demeanor when they do. Sal said they just roll over and do their thing. He said she goes back to watching TV and he goes to sleep. He said she complains about his breath and things like that. He said she complains about the way he plays with her tits. He said she complains that he twists them too much.
Howard asked Sal about going down on her. Sal said they went out one night and he asked her for a blow job on her birthday and she just looked up at him and said it was her birthday and she wasn't doing that on her birthday. Howard said it's no wonder Sal was crying.
Sal said they do get along better now. He said these are just some of the bad days. He said that he has to be really gentle with his wife. He said he's like a hyena going after a piece of meat so he has to be gentle with her. Howard asked what he wants to do that he can't do. Sal said she'll tell him to slow down and go easy. He said she'll say it in a condescending manner too.
Sal told Howard about this app on the iPad that lets you play chess. Howard said he does that on the ICC. He said he doesn't need to play on that. He told Sal not to tell him about that.
Sal said he's getting along with his wife but he's just leaving the sex up to her. He said he stated that about 6 weeks ago and he hasn't gotten laid in about 6 weeks. Howard said she's never going to ask him for it. Sal said he thinks that she will. Howard asked how old he is. Sal said he's 41. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Sal said he's become indifferent about it. He doesn't seem to mind. Sal said he's not looking for sympathy for this.
Howard said he'd like him to work this out and get him there. KC wasn't sur he could do it. That led into a new song parody that Richard Christy had created. KC was laughing his ass off through the song.
Howard said it's not big deal that KC did what he did. KC said that he is very embarrassed about the whole thing.
Howard asked KC why he would have to be mean. He said he just wants to find out what happened. KC said that it would be very hard to talk about. He said that he could have beat the shit out of that dude like other guys would have.
Howard asked Gary how soon they can get this arranged. Robin asked them to get it worked out before she leaves. KC said that the friend said that it would be good to get this all out in the open. He said he's not sure that's a good thing. Howard said that he wants to hear the whole story and KC has to give it a chance.
Howard said that maybe KC is afraid he'll fall in love. He asked how they can get this all set up. KC said he'll talk to Will and Gary and tell them how to set it up.
Howard asked what it was about this chick that got his attention. KC said that the honest truth was that he got out of jail and went to Walmart. He said that she was looking at him and she had long legs. He said that she was tall. Howard said that KC fell for a dude's legs. KC said that from the waist down she looked like a chick. Howard asked if she had a skirt on. KC said she did. He said she had black stockings on. Howard said he didn't know that he could have gotten KC with his long, thin legs. KC said that Howard has a great back too.
KC asked Robin when she got so hot all of a sudden. He said that she was banging Florentine and what the fuck. Robin just laughed. Howard told KC he wants him and his boyfriend in there.
KC said he's in Los Angeles right now and he met this guy outside of the diner there. He said that he's a Serbian War Criminal and he thinks that Dane Cook stole all of his jokes. He asked if Howard wanted to talk to him. Howard said he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to him. KC said he had him in his car right now. Howard said the guy is delusional. Howard ha him put him on the phone. KC also got in a plug for GetPaidWithFitness.com.
Howard spoke to the guy and he was saying he got sucked off on a bench one time and he didn't know what a blow job was. It was a guy who sucked him off. The guy said that he woke up while some guy was sucking him off and he didn't know what was going on. He said the guy was just using his dick.
Howard asked if he ever made out with KC. The guy said that KC is no homo. Howard said he was just with a dude the other day. The guy said that's why he and KC have so much in common.
Howard asked the guy if he has sued Dane Cook. He said he hasn't but he knows that he's stolen some of his jokes. Howard told the guy he had to get going because he has a whole show to do. He let him go after that.
Howard said he has to get KC and this tranny in there. He said this is big stuff. He can't wait. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Katy has one hit after another. He asked if he ruins her career to marry Russell Brand. Fred said he thinks it does. He said she's cooler when she's single and it might ruin people's perception of her. Howard said that it could change things. He said he's not sure what he's even talking about. He's afraid that it could take something away from her.
Howard said that number 2 in the top 5 is Pink's song. He played some of that song and then played a Rihanna song which was number 3. Howard didn't know what she was singing in that song. Robin thought it was gibberish but then she was thinking that's what kids call her when she sings ''Oh Nana.'' Howard said he thinks that sometimes she's kind of thick but then she looks hot in other pictures. He said she looked good in person when he met her. He said it's hard to tell what's going on with her.
Howard also brought up Miley Cyrus getting caught smoking Salvia out of a bong last week. He said he saw that her father was tweeting about it just like Lindsay Lohan's father would do. Howard said that's a great way to raise your kids. Howard said her friends are creepy for taping her doing it too. Howard said they're using her and exploiting her.
Howard said the Black Eyed Peas are at number 4 in the top 5. He played a little bit of that and talked about how hot Fergie is in that band. He said she's intoxicating. Howard said it's wild the way she gets accepted into that group. He said it makes him nuts wondering what's going on there. He said they have 3 black guys jumping around and then Fergie is there. Howard said he watches her the whole time. Howard played more of the song and said it sounds like a club song. He said he can imagine hearing it being played in a club.
Howard said he has to get into that kind of music and do it himself. He said it doesn't seem that difficult. Robin said they just took someone else's song and put their own words into it. Howard said he's pretty sure he could do it. He said he wouldn't be proud of it but it would sell a lot of records. He said it seems like a much easier way to make a living than this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard hates black people subconsciously. He said he's constantly going on about Oprah. Howard said he isn't kind about Ellen Degeneres or Kathie Lee Gifford either. Howard said he can't call him a racist. The caller said that he criticizes Oprah and other people's interviewing skills. Howard said that he didn't hate Jay-Z when he was in there. Howard said he doesn't hate anyone because they're black. The caller said that's a whole other issues with Jay-Z.
The caller asked why Howard didn't talk about Billy Joel's alcohol problem. Howard said he can't talk about every aspect of everyone's life. The caller tried to make it all about race. The guy told him not to get angry but Howard said he's calling him a racist so of course he's getting angry.
Howard said he doesn't like Jay Leno or Arsenio. The caller said that he didn't like Arsenio even though he got screwed.
The caller didn't want Howard to hang up on him. He asked him to please keep him on. The caller asked about the History of Howard Stern Part 4. He asked why they never hear about his ex-wife Alison. Howard said they never will. The caller said they cut stuff out about his history by not talking about that stuff. Howard said he's not going to bad mouth the mother of his 3 children. He said that they're very affected by that. The caller asked why he can bash Oprah but not talk about his own wife. Howard said he's not with her anymore and he doesn't have a relationship where he feels comfortable talking about her. He said they'll never hear about any of that. He said they'll have a brief discussion about his divorce and that's it.
The caller said that he's glad that they're going to bring it up. Howard said it'll be discussed but not in detail.
Howard said that he did interviews around the time of his divorce. Howard wondered why their phones are echoing today. He said it must be them and not the callers. The caller said it wasn't him.
Howard said the caller is just stating the obvious. Howard said that they have an agreement not to talk about each other. He said that the show has changed since then too so he doesn't talk about it. Howard said that everything is about what makes sense to him.
Howard said he doesn't hate Oprah. He said he thinks it's funny the way she has hidden Stedman. Howard said he hates this caller, T-Rob. Robin said maybe it's because he's black. Howard said he didn't even know the guy was black. Robin said she was pretty sure he was.
Howard said that the caller wasn't making any sense. He said he doesn't hate black people. He said even if he was racist, who cares?
Steve said they have a story about the fans who fell for the fake announcement hat Howard made to Sal last week. Howard said he heard about a lot of people who tuned in and fell for it.
Steve said they spoke to the woman who is making the documentary about George Takei. She told them about some of the stuff that they'll be covering in the documentary.
Steve also got in a plug for the Mr. Skin special tonight and also the Paul McCartney special that starts at 7:45 tonight. He got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on tonight at midnight and how he'll have Fred Durst on his show. Howard went to break after that.
After the break Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking about how Ralph had forwarded him some comments about his signing. He said that Richard Roeper was happy that they'll be staying. Jillian Barberie is happy too. He read some of those tweets. Howard said Sam Simon, Neil Patrick Harris, John Stamos and others all had nice things to say about the new contract.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to do if she doesn't stay. Robin said she has no idea. She had no plan. She said she'll just figure out what to do. Howard said maybe she'll fall back on nursing. Robin said she's not falling back on that. She'll never go back to that.
Jon read some more stuff that they'll be talking about today and got Howard talking about the Jackie Bisset run in and also the Paul McCartney interview that never happened today. Howard said he never did believe he was going to show up. Howard said it would be a disgrace if Robin didn't end up staying for another 5 years. He told her that he's not sitting there another 5 years without Robin.
Robin started off with a story about a Taiwan guy who pieced together 200 shredded bills that a guy had accidentally shredded.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's very happy that he signed on for 5 more years. Howard thanked her for that and let her go.
Robin read about the top 10 TV shows that were voted on by some group. She the top 5 and said that Glee was in there. Howard said he watched it once and it wasn't that good. Robin said she can't stick with it either. She said it's huge though. Howard said the show is really sexy though. He said that the girls are half naked and very sexual. Robin said she'll have to watch it again. Howard watched it for John Stamos when he joined the cast. Robin read the other top 10 TV shows. Howard wasn't really into any of the top 10 other than ''Boardwalk Empire.''
Howard said he saw the trailer for Thor and that looks good. Howard said that's what he's waiting for. Robin read some of the top 10 movies of 2010. They talked about some of those movies and what they liked and didn't like.
Howard said they canceled David Hasslehoff's show after 2 episodes. Robin said they were saying that it was boring. Howard said they said ''Get the fuck Hoff our network.'' Howard said he wanted to watch it because he was curious but it was almost like it was scripted.
Howard said that Train had a huge hit with that ''Hey Soul Sister'' song in 2010. It was the number one song of 2010 on iTunes. Howard said they'll be performing on New York Rockin' Eve. He's very proud of them for that.
Robin read about a woman who has a 6 year old that's still breast feeding. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he knows a guy who sent him an email where it says that you have to forward it to 8 people or you'll have bad luck. He said he had to send it out to a bunch of people because he's so superstitious. Robin said she hates that because she can't delete it from her mailbox on her Blackberry. Howard said you just throw it in the garbage. Robin didn't think that would work for her mail.
Robin read about Bernie Madoff's son committing suicide. She said it was two years to the day that his father was arrested. He was found by his father-in-law. They talked about that for a few minutes and how this guy Bernie Madoff fucked up so many people's lives. Howard said there was a list of people in the paper who had killed themselves after this guy bankrupted them. Howard said he doesn't think this guy even cares. He said that Madoff seems to love living and he won't kill himself over this whole thing. Robin said that's why it makes you think he's a sociopath.
Robin read that Chris Rock stayed with a pregnant woman in the mall. Howard said he's done stuff like that but he doesn't talk about it. Howard said he walked a pregnant woman down the stairs during a black out. He said that she was freaking out so he got her down the stairs. Howard wondered if it's too late to get in on that. Robin said you have to do it immediately. Robin said that Chris Rock was in a mall when this woman's water broke. Chris kept her calm until an ambulance came. Robin said Chris kept people laughing while they were waiting. Howard said he should have press released his story too. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Martina Navratilova and how she had to stop a climb because she had no choice. Howard said she's as crazy as he is. She refused to say she quit. Howard talked about how crazy it is to even attempt something like that. They spent a couple of minutes on that story.
Robin went through a few stories she had audio clips for. Howard played them and they talked about those clips for a short time.
Robin read a story about how the man who abducted Elizabeth Smart in 2002 was found guilty in his case. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that case.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had any prize money to give away after congratulated him on his new contract. Howard said he didn't have any money. He said it was kind of hard to hear that after getting the congratulations.
Robin read a story about how Bill Clinton is becoming a vegan trying to get healthy. Robin said she'd like to talk to him about that. Howard said that she may have to leave to have a conversation with him.
Robin read about how the Minnesota Vikings game is being moved to Detroit and they're going to let people in for free. They had to move the game from Minnesota to Detroit after the dome on the stadium in Minnesota collapsed. Howard wondered why the need a soft roof like that and don't have a real roof. He said that they obviously don't work very well. Gary wasn't sure why that was either. He said maybe it has to do with cost or something. Howard said the whole roof just crashed in after they got a foot of snow on it. He said he saw the video.
Robin read a story about how Michael Jackson fans are trying to keep a special off the Discovery channel because they don't want the information about his autopsy results to be released.
Robin read a story about the number one movie at the box office being the latest Narnia movie. Robin said it didn't open as big as they expected it to though.
Robin read about the movie ''How Do You Know'' which had a $120 million budget and has no special effects in it. Robin said it as all of the big stars that were getting some of the money. She said that Reese Witherspoon got $15 million and Owen Wilson got $10 and Paul Rudd got something like $3 million. Robin had some audio of Owen Wilson talking about that movie and not making much sense.
Robin had some audio of Anna Farris talking about the new Yogi Bear movie that's out. Howard had no idea that there was one and he said he would go see it. Howard said he loved the cartoon. They spent a minute talking about that and playing some audio.
Robin read a story about a man who got into an argument with his wife and then stabbed her to death got into a car accident and died right after that. Robin said that he stabbed and killed his wife and got killed just 4 blocks away after driving off. Robin said they had 5 children.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had smoked that Salvia stuff that they were talking about earlier. His phone connection was horrible so Howard had to let him go. Howard said that he's almost eliminated the phone call aspect of the show because the phones are so bad. Howard said he sounded like he was out in space trying to contact NASA. The caller eventually got better reception and the guy said that the stuff just puts you into a laughing fit for like 20 seconds and it's over with. Howard said it sounds like mescaline. They spent a short time talking about Miley Cyrus and how her friends were just using her. The caller said he didn't like that Salvia stuff. He said that you can buy it everywhere in head shops. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's not on the Sirius apps yet. Howard didn't know that. Howard said he thought that he was. The caller said that he was all excited about it. Howard said he'll be on it. He thought he already was. Howard said that whatever Sirius has he's supposed to be on. The caller said he has the iPhone app and it's not on there yet. Howard said he thought it was on there. He said he'll find out by tomorrow and let him know. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:30am.
Jon said they have a lot to talk about and went over some of that stuff. He brought up how Robin isn't signed on to do another 5 years yet and she hasn't even had anyone talk to her about it yet. She has no offer at this point. It's already December 13th. JD said that it's his father's birthday today actually. Gary said he'd wish him a happy birthday if he was allowed to call in. JD said he is allowed to call in.
Jon asked JD about Howard talking to him about his relationship with the stripper. He said that Howard just can't comprehend that whole situation. Gary said he's on Howard's side in that. He said he'd like to know why JD is too busy to bang a hot chick. JD said that she wanted to... He said he would... JD didn't know what to say. He said that he didn't want to go out that night and he just stayed home to watch the football game. He said that in this case he'd rather watch football. JD said that he would have been fine if she had wanted to come over. He said she wanted him to go over to her place and he didn't want to.
Jon said that Howard found it confusing why he wouldn't want to go out with this girl and bang her. JD said that there might be things about people that you don't like and don't want to be around. He said that there have been situations where she just wanted to cuddle and that's a little weird to him.
Benjy asked if he's had sex with her. JD said he has. Benjy asked if he thinks that he could have sex with her again in the future. JD said yes again. Benjy said it's not that big of a deal then.
Jon asked why he's not bringing that Flo Rida chick to the party. JD said he didn't want to bring her to the party because it would turn into an Ashley Dupre thing again. He said she's got plenty of other guys interested in her too.
Jon asked Benjy about his date and talked about last year's date that turned out to be kind of controversial. Jon took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is out of his mind thinking that he's so good looking. Benjy said he thinks he has a nice face. He said that he thinks most people exaggerate how ugly they are. He said that there are few people who are disgusting to look at and there's a small percentage that are beautiful.
Gary said he saw the Howard TV guys filming Benjy out in the hall and he was showing how good looking he was from his lips to his forehead. Benjy said that there is a way to measure your face for symmetry and he would be willing to do that.
The caller said that he thinks Jon and Gary are great dads and their kids are lucky to have them. He said he wishes that his father was half the dad they are. He said he didn't want to get into all of that when Benjy asked about what went wrong.
Gary said he was at a book signing where someone said something similar to him. He said that he has a great relationship with his kids and a lot don't. He said he didn't know it was that common.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's going on with Robin. Gary said that Robin just doesn't have an offer yet and she's only got about 17 days left to work out a deal. The caller said he's blown away that she's talking the way she is. He wondered if she's upset about Howard not telling her what was going on until the last minute. Gary didn't think that was the case. The caller said that he found it very odd.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Ralph is gay. Howard had brought that up during the show and said that he's really not sure. None of the guys are sure about that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about what JD looks like when he's trying to talk and can't say anything. He said it's fascinating hearing it on the air. The guy said it must be awesome to see in person. He said it takes him 2 minutes to get out a sentence and he says nothing.
Another caller said that he thinks that JD should take his relationships slow and women are easy come, easy go. He said women can get on your back sometimes but not to the extreme that Sal's wife does.
Jon got back to the party discussion and talked about Howard's dance moves in the studio. JD taught him some new moves. JD said Howard has to figure out when to move his body to the beat. He said he was just shrugging his shoulders up and down. He started laughing hysterically as he was describing it. Jon was apparently staring at him while he spoke so it cracked him up.
The guys talked about the party and how they're going to have a DJ there. Benjy said he hopes that they don't just blast the music because it makes it hard to talk to people.
Jon moved on to talk about the Paul McCartney interview that didn't happen today. Jon said Howard didn't think he was going to show up today. He asked Gary what that meant. Gary said a couple of weeks ago they were told that Paul was going to do the show but they never got a date. He said he moved people around to make room just in case he showed up. He said he got word on Thursday that he'd be in on Monday and then on Saturday night he got word that he wasn't going to be in. Gary said he figured they had it set on Thursday since he had been in once before.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to talk about JD. He said he knows the deal with him. He said that JD is making a smart move. He said he won't say anything to throw him under the bus but JD is making the right move.
JD said he doesn't like people knowing all of his business. That's why he doesn't like talking about this.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's going to miss the Karaoke at the party this year. Ronnie said they're going to have karaoke this year. He'll make sure that happened.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Scott will end up doing the DJ thing at the party. Ronnie said he won't unless he gets drunk but he probably won't get drunk. He said when he's around his wife he doesn't get drunk. He said he's very subdued when he's around his wife.
Gary said that he was thinking about what Howard said about someone dying on the show in the next 5 years. Howard had said he thought it might be Scott. Gary said that after working with people for 30 plus years someone is bound to die.
Scott came in and said that he doesn't know hat Ronnie is talking about. He said he's not a different guy around his wife. He said he doesn't drink a lot because he's usually driving. He said that alcohol might make him a little more outgoing. Ronnie told him to spring for a car so he can have a good time. Scott said he could do that. Ronnie said that's what he's doing. He doesn't even remember how he got home last time.
Jon asked Ronnie about the run in with Jackie Bisset. Ronnie said that was really weird. He said that the woman walked over to Howard and stuck her hand out asking if Howard knew who she was. Howard didn't know until she introduced herself.
Gary said when you're married and you're a team then goofing on the other person is just mean. Sal said he got a phone call earlier. Gary asked what she was upset about. Sal said she ripped him a new asshole and gave it to him pretty good. Sal said that Howard is really good at pulling things out of him. He's trying to be honest but then he has to go home to this person at home that he has to deal with. Gary said that's called ''your wife.''
Sal said his wife doesn't listen but she has spies. He said that she hears about all of this from her friends who fill her in. Sal said that he's not sure who squealed on him but it was probably some shit bag on Facebook. He said that they have to block each other on Facebook. He said it's easier that way for them. He said that she doesn't know who he's talking to and he doesn't know about her. Gary said that's a great marriage there.
Sal said he has too much on his plate and he doesn't need to know more stuff. He said that's why he blocks her. Sal said he's been so paranoid in the past and he just lets that go by blocking his wife on Facebook.
Sal said that his wife doesn't like specifics to be mentioned. He said she said that if Howard wants her side of the story then he should call her. Sal said that he should just say that their sex life is great if he asks. Sal said that would be a lie and she hung up on him. Sal said he doesn't want to piss her off. Ronnie laughed when he heard that.
Sal said he thinks that he got into detail about the sex stuff and that's what she got upset about. Jon said that Howard has tried to find out what he's doing and why he does it. Sal said he has to live with this woman and he knows he's trying to help but saying she hates him doesn't help. Sal said she doesn't hate him, she gets along with him.
Gary said that he's referring to her as ''this woman'' and not as his wife. Sal said he didn't get what his point was.
Sal said that they get along these days and he'd like to say he's sorry for revealing things that made her uncomfortable. Ronnie said it's too late for that. Sal said that if it was too late for that then he'd be living in apartment in Queens.
Sal said that his wife made it clear that they're going to have the viewing party and she was dying laughing reading the transcripts from the web site.
Benjy asked if they're exploiting Sal by goofing on him last week. Gary said there's a difference between that and his wife goofing on him at a party.
Sal said that he feels like he's done so much on the show and if this gets her off his back by having this viewing party then it's fine. He said he's looking at it as getting some alone time at home alone. He said he looks at the positive in all of that.
Benjy asked Sal if he would say no to his wife going to watch that show. Sal said he wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable. Sal said that if it makes her happy then he's fine with that. Jon said he could take that and ask why she can tell him what he can or can't say on the air. Sal said he has to respect his wife's wishes.
Ronnie asked Gary if his wife's friends were going to watch his ''take me back tape'' would he get upset? Gary said that he would. Gary said she's never actually seen the tape but it is out there. He said it's even up on YouTube.
Benjy said that maybe this is her way of balancing things out. Gary said it might be but it's not very nice. Benjy said he's just looking at it from a different angle. Sal said there are things that he won't say on the air. He said he and Jon will vent in the office but that won't come out on the air. Sal said there are a lot of good things that come with the show along with the bad.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about the viewing party. Ronnie said they're going to rip him apart and he'd love to be a fly on the wall there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he feels for Sal because he just lost his job recently. He said he felt for him while he was breaking down. Sal said he's going to cut back on going to Rick's and massage parlors from now on. He said he was just joking about that though.
Another caller said that Sal could get back at his wife for doing this but Sal said he doesn't want to do that. He said that he doesn't care that he doesn't get laid that much. He said he can jerk off and pretend that he's in any scenario he wants. He said he doesn't mind being by himself. Ronnie told him he was burying himself even deeper talking like that.
Gary said that he thinks Sal isn't alone like that. He said that there is no substitute for the real thing. Sal said that's true but when the real thing is difficult to get to... The guys all laughed at his comments.
Benjy asked Sal how often he'd like to have sex. Sal said once a week he'd be happy with. He said that he's not trying to put her down by saying she's not doing it enough. He said they're very busy with their lives and it has a tendency to be put on the back burner. Sal said that his wife has a lot of TV to watch so that puts sex on the back burner. Jon said that she could pause it. Sal said she says she has to watch it and get them out of the way or she won't have time to catch up.
Sal said he doesn't want to dig himself into a hole. Everyone was laughing in the studio. Sal said he does get sex from his wife but everyone has to work at it. He said he's become indifferent to it lately. Jon asked Sal if his wife ever asks him to do it. Sal said he'd rather not talk about this.
Sal said he moves his hand on his wife like a tarantula. He said sometimes he'll work his way up and sometimes he'll work his way down. They had to go to break a short time later.
JD said that Richard has a Christmas mug that he drinks out of. He said he thinks that he enjoys it but he might be doing it just to get people to notice it. Gary said he thinks about the time Richard went to the place where he had elves tuck him into bed. He said that's just weird. Jon said that this is the best time to be with Richard because he enjoys the holidays so much.
Sal said that he and Richard talk to each other about TV shows and stuff and Richard is all about the Christmas movies and stuff at this time of year. He doesn't watch anything that's not Christmas. Sal said he'll even watch shows he hates just because they have Christmas episodes.
Richard came in and said that he puts off shows when Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas come around. He said he watches some stuff but then has to put it on hold until after the holidays. He watches a bunch of classic Christmas movies and he'll watch them multiple times.
Richard talked about all of the stuff he watches and how he'll watch awful movies if they're about Christmas. Sal said that he told Richard he never saw Scrooged and Richard had a look of disappointment on his face like you wouldn't believe.
The guys asked Richard about the movies he watches and he's seen just about everything Christmas related. Richard said he just loves it. He said he listens to Christmas music all the time too.
Richard just kept rattling off Christmas movies that he's been watching lately. He had a ton that he went through.
Jon asked Richard if he's okay after the holidays. Richard said he's in a funk after Christmas but he's fine when New Years comes around. He said he gets bummed out again after that. Richard said his birthday and his fiancee's birthdays are in the spring so he's into that. He said that he likes Cadbury eggs around Easter too so that helps there until Halloween comes around.
Richard said he's going to get a peppermint body massage soon. He did the pumpkin one around Halloween. He said it's kind of tingly.
The guys asked Richard about the time he got tucked in by elves. Richard said he called to make the reservation and they asked how old the kids were. Richard said he told them that they were 34 and 27.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Sal's wife and if they have any fun when they're out. The guys said that they had seen Sal and his wife out and they do have fun. Gary said it's almost like a comedy team that goofs on each other the whole night. Sal said that he and his wife laugh it all off and that's how they get over it. He said they get along great most of the time and he may put his foot into his mouth once in a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Robin's contract thing and how much it freaked him out. He said that it's very important for them all to come back. He said that he's heard that the offers they make there are very insulting. He said that Howard has signed and he's not going to re-sign again so he's not sure that they're thinking that everyone will stay. Gary said that it's no different than when Howard signed on the first time. The caller said they wanted Howard happy last time and they may not think that it's the same now. They don't have as big of an incentive to sign everyone. Gary said he's not sure what his own deal is so he's not sure if he can even answer that question.
Another caller said he was listening to the Robin thing and wondering if she's going to adopt and become a mom now. He said maybe that's why she's questioning the re-signing. Benjy said it would be funny if she came back pregnant. The caller said that would be tough since she's post menopausal.
The guys talked about Robin's trip and how she's said she's going to be fasting over there in Thailand. They're not sure what that's all about though.
Jon asked what the guys thought about Howard's comments about Jay Thomas. Gary said that people have weird ideas about who you can bring to a party. He said that some people are invited alone and they ask to bring guests just so they can meet Howard or something like that. Gary said people react in different ways. He said that this party is going to be in a nice place so it's weird to just show up with extra people.
Jon asked JD if he has an ensemble picked out yet. JD said he'll get something new to wear. Richard said he and Scott were talking about what to wear. He said he wasn't sure if he should wear slacks or jeans and things like that. Gary said he'll be wearing a suit because it's a nice place. Sal said he'll be wearing the typical shit. He said he'll have a nice blazer and pants and some nice shoes. Jon asked if he's upset they won't have karaoke this year. Sal said he's okay with that. He said he'll just have fun at the party. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he's actually awake this morning after staying out late at the Paul McCartney concert. Robin said he stayed longer than Fred's daughter Tess. Howard said he was thinking about how Robin would be cheery this morning and he wouldn't be. He said he knows he's just neurotic and he can't stay up late for things like that. Robin said she doesn't stress out about it. She said she has no rules about it. Howard said he's going to use that mantra and just say he's okay.
Howard said he likes that Robin doesn't fall for the sleeping or eating thing. He said she doesn't have to eat and she doesn't have to sleep. Robin said you just sleep when you can. Life is short. Howard said he didn't want to be a pussy in front of her after not getting enough sleep.
Howard said he was thinking about yesterday's show and Benjy talking about how good looking he is. Robin said that confidence gets Benjy women. Howard said he was thinking about that yesterday and he was asking people if he's good looking. Everyone was saying he's not good looking. He said he had him convinced he was though.
Howard said he's not sure how Fred is doing but his daughter was there at the concert last night. Fred said she enjoyed it. He said there was nothing better than seeing her singing along to ''Hey Jude.'' Howard said the concert was fabulous. Robin said it couldn't have been better.
Howard said they packed the place with subscribers and with celebrities. Howard said he's not sure why they did that but he saw a lot of celebrities.
Howard said Jared had come up to him and asked about doing a meet and greet with Paul and he was going to try to get him and his daughter in. Howard said he had his wife and daughter's friend there too so he didn't want to go back there with just his daughter. Howard said he didn't want to put Paul under any pressure either. He said Jared told him he wanted to bring all four of them back stage but then he didn't know if he wanted to back there or just go sit down. Howard said okay and went back so his daughter could meet Paul. Howard said he wanted to come through as a dad.
Howard said he's very hung up on being a good parent. He said he knows this isn't why his kids are going to remember him but he does want to do things like this for them.
Howard said he was talking to someone about this yesterday. He said that you have to measure success from where you came from. He said you don't compare yourself to anyone else. Howard said he grew up in a shithole so he's doing pretty good.
Howard said Ross or Jared came to him and told him to come back and do the meet and greet. Howard said he walked through the crowd and people were asking where he was going. He had to keep it a secret. Robin said it was almost like a pope kind of thing. Howard said he wouldn't have gone back there if he wasn't there with his daughter. He knows what a pain in the ass it is for Paul. Howard said the guy is 68 years old.
Howard said that he went back stage with Ashley, Beth and Ashley's friend. Howard said they got in a room and there were some people from the board of directors of Sirius there. He said that Chris Rock was there too. Howard said he was marched in there too. Howard said he told Chris that he has to be ready for some more History of Howard Stern and Chris doesn't like that. Howard said he told him that he can't be there every day. He said he has to have a life too.
Howard said he was thinking about how Ashley wanted an autograph so he felt terrible asking. He said he's never done that in his life. He said this was important to her though. Howard said Paul came in and he asked him if he would sign a ticket as quickly as he could. Paul said that he'd do that but then blew him off saying he had to take pictures. Howard said he ended up not doing it and Chris has looked at him like he had really committed a big faux pas. He said that Beth looked at him the same way and it just wasn't a good thing. Howard said they brought them all over to take pictures with Paul and did that but no autograph. Howard said he felt bad the whole concert. Howard said he shouldn't have bothered the guy.
Howard said his daughter asked him if he would have felt bad if someone asked him for an autograph back stage. Howard said he wouldn't. Howard said Paul may be on that no autograph thing that Ringo is on. Howard said he was handled and he just felt bad about the whole thing.
Robin said that she and Fred were humiliated last night and now she knows how he feels. Robin said Tim Sabean came over and asked them to follow him. He was pushing them into that area where they were ushering them into. She said they were being pushed and shoved in there and then Scott Greenstein sees them and a whispering campaign stars. She said that Jared turned to her and said he was going to help them to their seats. Robin said Tim was nowhere to be found after that. She said he just left them there. Howard said the only thing worse is being in the room and then being humiliated.
Howard said that Scott must not have thought they were worthy. Robin said apparently not. Howard said that was Scott's night to be King Tut. Robin said that Ross and Jared had to handle them. Robin said they didn't ask to be there so it was embarrassing to them. Howard said he wished they had whispered and rejected him.
Howard said he knows that Robin and Fred didn't want to go in there. Robin said they were dragged over there and then they were rejected. Howard said that's like going to Studio 54 and being rejected with your friends.
Howard said it was a big night for Sirius. He said that Robin was happy to be out in the audience. Robin said she's not sure why she was put in that position. Howard said he's not sure who got it worse last night. Robin said that made her evaluate her seat and everything. Howard said that's like the pecking order there when you do that. Howard said he saw all of the other celebrities there and wondered why they were there when so many people from Sirius didn't get invited. Howard said he thought about Sal and Richard, Jason and Will and all of those people. Howard said Ben Stiller does this show but then there were people like Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace there. Howard said he's not sure why George Wallace was there.
Howard said he saw Alec Baldwin, Matt Damon and some other people. He wondered why Matt was there. He said it was weird. Howard said he thought about all of these people wondering why they were there. He said it might have been to make it a star studded evening. Howard said he had Robin's reaction and would have rather have seen Jason and Will there. Howard said that Keith Richards and Ron Wood were there. They weren't all that friendly.
Jimmy Fallon was there and Howard saw a weird article about him. Howard read this article about how Fallon is being groomed to be the next big late night star on NBC. Howard said they're saying that he's the future there at NBC. Howard said they apparently don't learn from their past with the whole Conan thing. Howard said that he loves Jimmy and they get along but this is kind of strange. They just got over the whole Leno and Conan thing and now they're starting all over with Jimmy.
Howard said that show last night was great. He wondered why Robin and Fred were rejected. Gary came in and said he wasn't even brought back there to be rejected. He said he was wondering why that was.
Gary said there was a great moment last night when Paul did ''Maybe I'm Amazed.'' He thinks that Robin orgasmed. He said she made this noise when he started that was just wild. Robin said there were a bunch of songs that she just loved. Howard said they had the concert on Howard 101 and he loved that.
Howard said he heard some of the songs on the radio last night and they sounded really good. Howard said they really screwed them up on Saturday Night Live.
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Howard said he was trying to pee and nothing was coming out. He said was trying to force it. Then he decided to talk to himself to get himself to go. He said that relaxes him. He said he finally peed. This was while he was out at the restaurant. He said that he went over to the Apollo theater and he was standing around and doing the meet and greet where he got handled and didn't get the autograph. Howard said this was a night of humiliation. Howard said he might have been more humiliated than Robin was but maybe not. Howard said it was pretty bad. Howard said it's one thing when Scott handles you but another when it's Paul himself.
Howard said that it was Chris Rock seeing this happen that made him really embarrassed. Howard said he felt really bad. Robin said she and Fred did too. Robin said she looked at Tim on her way out and he didn't even care that they had been humiliated. Howard said he's a very positive guy. Howard said he hates being marched around knowing that it's going to lead to bad stuff. Robin said she didn't even know where he was leading them.
Howard said he was sitting in the crowd and Ross asked if he had to go to the bathroom. Howard said he did have to go so Ross said he knew where a private bathroom was. Howard said he's obsessed with peeing and he's always filled with grief. Howard said he figured he'd go and pee with Ross. Howard said he told Beth he wished he was home just watching TV. He said that it was all downhill after the autograph thing.
Howard said he had to do the march through the crowd and waited at an elevator for like 5 minutes. He said this was just a short time before the concert. Howard said he was going to be completely free of pee if he did that. He said he and Ross waited and figured they'd take the stairs. He said they followed a woman up the stairs and then hit a locked door. Howard said the woman said that she'd get the door unlocked. Howard said she was running up and down the steps to make that happen. Howard said the kids from the choir were in there so they started banging on the door telling them to get out. Howard said they cleared it out and he didn't have to pee because he had emptied out at the restaurant. Howard said he missed the beginning of the concert and didn't even have to pee.
Howard said if he had 3 more inches none of this would be going on. He said he's so neurotic. He said he missed the beginning. That's what he was playing the clip of. Paul and the band opened up with ''Magical Mystery Tour.''
Howard said that brought up a lot of memories about growing up listening to those songs and looking through the album. Robin remembered listening to those songs too. Howard said he played a little ''Jet'' and some other songs like that. Howard played some of Paul talking to the crowd. Howard said that it was a lot of fun.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that it's too bad the autograph thing made him feel so terrible. Howard said Paul couldn't have gotten away from that pen quicker. He said it was the worst feeling. He said it was really bad that he did it in front of Chris Rock. He said he asked Chris if it was bad and Chris said it was really bad.
Howard said Paul doesn't like doing autographs and he blew him off. The caller said he has a daughter and he felt bad for Howard. Howard said he may have had every intention of signing it but he was taking pictures and he got caught up in that. Howard said he wanted to crawl into a hole and die last night. Howard said he never wants autographs from people so that was different for him to do that last night.
Howard said he was kind of embarrassed last night. He said maybe it was good that his daughter saw that he can't get everything he wants in his life. Howard said he didn't handle it very well himself though.
Tim Sabean came in and said he was trying to take Robin and Fred to the live broadcast they were doing last night. He said that he got kicked out himself and then Robin and Fred got kicked out. Tim said he was thrown out too so he was humiliated himself. Howard told Tim that he has to think that stuff through. Robin said it wasn't his broadcast so it wasn't up to him. Tim thought he'd just work it out himself.
Tim said that he was thrown out by security. He said Scott shouldn't have been put in that position. Robin said none of them should have. Robin said she thinks Scott thought they were trying to get in to see Paul. Tim said he was trying to get them on the broadcast. Robin said they were treated like crap.
Tim apologized to everyone. Tim said he's a douche bag and he had to get back to work. Tim said he can't just sit there and he had to get involved. He said he's a control freak. Howard said he thinks that he may have been on the broadcast. He said he was on his way in talking to Lisa G. He said he spoke to her for a few seconds. Tim said they did a great job with the whole broadcast last night. They said that security did a really good job keeping everyone out too. Tim said he didn't have the right pass so that's why he got kicked out. Robin told him not to try anymore with her.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what the ratio of listeners to celebrities was. Howard said he didn't know. He said he didn't see all that many celebrities. Howard said he saw Alec Baldwin and Matt Damon. He said Gary saw that David Stern was there with some commissioner of schools. Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Jon McEnroe and his wife, Keith Richards, Ron Wood, Steve Buscemi, Little Steven, Marky Ramone and others were there. Steven and Marky work there though so that's fine. Howard said that he was thinking about how the guys there didn't get tickets but all of these stars did.
Howard said he gets that they wanted a star studded evening but he felt bad. Howard said he tried to get everyone on the list but it didn't work. He said he was pissed because Keith Richard's daughter was in front of him and she wouldn't sit down. He said she was standing and dancing the whole time. Howard said he felt that she felt entitled and didn't even care that everyone else was sitting down. He said she was with a guy and she was the only one standing. Howard said he wanted to throw something at her to tell her to sit down. He said she was pretty hot. He said that she looks kind of like a good looking Keith Richards. Gary said that it was like she wanted everyone to look at her. Howard said it made him wonder why she was there and his crew wasn't. Howard said you have to be a little aware of what's going on.
The caller said he's 6'1'' tall and he has trouble when he's sitting so he would never stand. Howard said that Mel's wife was behind him and she was saying she was going to take her shoes off. He said the floor was dirty though so he asked why she would do that. He said she ended up taking her shoes off.
Howard said he's given up on trying to look cool. He said that he felt like such a shithead asking for the autograph. Howard said this is why he doesn't want to go anywhere. He said he just wants to sit home. He said there were so many people who should have been there ahead of him.
Howard said he assumes that most of the people there were subscribers. Robin said that she's pretty sure she was in the crowd with the fans. She said she was rejected from back stage and had to sit with the subscribers. That's how low she ranks on the totem pole.
Howard asked Jim if he needs the money or is he wealthy. Jim said that the money will come in handy. He said that he used to work in radio and he worked for Hal Fish. He said that Hal was one of the guys who pulled Howard off the air early when he announced he was going to Sirius. He said that his buddy called him and told him about that the morning it happened. Howard didn't remember the guy.
Jim said he went to Tampa after Columbus, Ohio. Jim told Howard about some of the places he worked as a morning man. Howard asked what he got paid. Jim said he was making $18,000 in 1993. He said he got perks back then but they were laughable.
Jim told Howard about what happened in Columbus after Howard left. He told Howard about the guys who are still there in the market working.
Jim also told Howard about how he wanted to work in the mornings and how he worked his way up to it. He said that he eventually worked his way up to making about 30 grand a year. He said his life got a little better but he wasn't making a lot of money. Jim said that these other guys were undercutting him on salary. He said that Bob and Tom are the guys he's talking about. He said they're not funny and they haven't done anything funny in 10 years. He said they just live on that name. They're just two guys with a laugh track.
Jim said that his ratings were really good and Bob and Tom were coming in and lowering what they wanted to be on in the market every year until they get to replace him. He said that's what's happened to hundreds of guys like him. He said they undersell them and get on in the market almost for free.
Jim told Howard that they've killed all of the talent by doing that. He said he's now putting in security systems and home theater. That's how he's making a living now. Jim said he devoted like 10-12 years of his life to doing that. Jim said that he was working hard trying to make it and it all just fell apart.
Howard said that reminds him of what it was like for him trying to make it. He said he thought that it was over after NBC fired them. Howard wondered what they'd be doing if they didn't make it. He said they might be running a home theater installation thing now.
Jim said he was working in Tallahassee and he had a week of vacation coming up and as he was walking out for vacation they fired him. He said the PD was wondering if he should ruin his vacation or wait until he was back. Jim said it was another syndicated show that they brought in. He said that was Lex and Terry. He said they're another one that just undercuts everyone. Jim said they took his job. He said that they weren't even on the station 6 months later. Jim said he worked his ass off to be replaced by them and then they're off within 6 months.
Jim said that he went back to Columbus and tried doing sales for a while. He said that's a job for a hot chick. Howard said he knows how hard it is to sell ads for $12 a minute. He said he remembered how they had hot chicks come in to sell and she ends up going to San Francisco in a major market to sell.
Howard said that Jim could have ended up being like Tom Bergeron or being a home theater installer. He said you never know what's going to happen. Howard said he knows a guy who is stuck in that rut and he doesn't know what to do. He said the guy is like 40 and he doesn't know what else to do. He said the business is shit. Jim said Howard did alright. Howard said he did but everyone he knows didn't.
Howard and Jim talked more about how crazy the business is. Howard said it was in his blood to do it. Jim said it was in his too. Howard said he got the bug from his father doing his recording studio business. Howard said that it's hard to make it in the business though. It really is a shitty business.
Howard said the worst thing is being a celebrity and having no money. Jim said he was always told not to buy a house. He said he was told to rent because you never know what's going to happen. Jim said that he got fired a month after getting a house. He said he had the house for 6 months before he got fired. Howard said that's really a humiliation.
Jim said that one day he'd be in the studio sitting with Howard Stern. He said that came true this morning. Howard said he does have a good voice. Howard said his name is Jim Dickhaus. Jim said he used to go by Jim Dixon on the air. He said that he should have stuck with his real name. He said he looks back on it now. Howard said that's his real name so he should have gone with it. Jim said he figured the FCC would have been after him.
Howard asked how the home theater business is. Jim said he got hammered by the recession but so did everyone. He said he still does a lot of work with building so he's doing okay. He said he's never been married. Howard asked if he just jerks off all the time. He said that's what it is. He's 50 years old. Howard said there's nothing like being 50 and jerking off alone. Howard asked how his health is. Jim said he's doing good but he's a 15 year cancer survivor.
Howard said he was going to just give him his check and let him go. Jim said he had cancer while he was on the air. He said that they made bits out of it and it was testicular cancer. He said he lost a nut. Jim said that he has a prosthetic ball. Howard said they make a fake one and there must be a lot of guys walking around with them because they do make them. Howard asked what it's made out of. Jim said it feels natural and he thinks it's made of Teflon. Howard said he wanted to feel his balls to check.
Jim said he had to go away for a couple of weeks to get it taken care of. He said that people were wondering if he was doing a bit.
Howard said this was very depressing. Jim said he had a happy ending for him. Jim said he was declared healthy and fit and then he was a kidney donor for his brother 3 years ago. Howard asked if he can do everything he wants to do with just one kidney. Jim said he quit playing softball because of it but he didn't really have to. He said he did that on his own. Howard said his brother should give him one of his nuts. Howard said Jim seems like a real good guy. Jim said he tries.
Howard got in a plug for WireFly.com which was the sponsor for the contest. Howard said he might have to talk to Jim about his home theater.
Howard said he has Kathy Griffin calling in later. He said that she's doing her New Year's Eve thing on CNN again. He said they fire her from that channel every year but then bring her back. He said she curses and gets fired but they bring her right back because she's the only one doing anything interesting on air.
Howard said that it's funny how Dick Clark has a job announcing and Jim doesn't. Howard was doing his impression of Dick with his stroke. Gary said that they should break because they have Kathy on the phone. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was going to read something to Robin that was going to depress her. He said he had to talk to Kathy Griffin first. Howard said Kathy is very well known for her TV show ''Life on the D-List.''
Howard got Kathy on the phone and asked if she still goes to Cher's house. She said she does. She said she has seen Cher and Ron together. Howard said Ron is a friend of his. He asked what's going on there. Kathy didn't know. Howard said that Ron wrote to him saying that they were never going to marry but Robin was saying that they're saying the marriage is off. Kathy said she's supposed to see Cher soon so she'll ask her who she's banging when she sees her.
Howard said he knows Ron loves Cher but that's not a pairing he would have come up with. Kathy said she knows that they're a great couple. She said she knows they were going along very well for a while. She said she will get the scoop.
Howard asked Kathy if it's true that Cher spends most of her life in her bathroom. Kathy said she does have a day bed in there and they do spend a lot of time in there. She said it's more like a little apartment. She said that they'll sometimes hang out in the living room.
Howard asked Kathy if Cher ever asked her not to talk about her life. Kathy said she never has. Robin asked if Chaz lives there at the house. Kathy said that she's never met Chaz but she has met her other son Elijah.
Howard asked Kathy about the sex change that Chaz is having. She said that she would consider going out with a man who used to be a woman. Howard said he would never consider doing that. Robin said that Kathy loves celebrities so she would do that. Robin said she wouldn't do that herself.
Howard asked Kathy if she has to say she'd go out with her because she has a huge gay audience. Kathy said she's never been asked out by one but she has been asked out by a lot of people.
Howard said he knows that Kathy banged someone famous. He asked if it was Jay Leno or someone like that. Kathy said it wasn't Jay. She did reveal that she went out with Quentin Tarantino. Kathy was at his roast and she missed Howard there. Howard was there though.
Howard asked Kathy if she banged Quentin. She said they didn't bang. She said that they did spend the night together in bed. She said they tired to go all night without having sex. She said that she's a closer so she's embarrassed for herself. She said that it was her idea and she threw it out to him. Kathy said that he was fully hard. She just didn't have sex. She said he didn't put a finger in her or anything either. Howard asked if she gave him a hand job. She said there was no release on either one. She said it was a night of just making out. They saw each other a few times after that. Kathy said that Quentin was always traveling so they just never did do it.
Kathy said that Quentin would call her at like 3 in the morning and he'd run scenes by her. Kathy said that it was really cool because she saw the movie and it was just like it was when he read them to her. Howard asked if she ever thought that the scenes were just too long and she would get sick of them. Kathy said she didn't.
Kathy talked about how great of a guy Quentin is and how much fun they had spending time together. She said that he had a big penis too. Robin sounded shocked by that. Howard asked if she ever thought she made a mistake by not fucking him that night. She said she never did and he even put that into a movie once.
Howard asked Kathy if she was doing drugs the night she spent with Quentin. Kathy laughed and said she didn't. She said she's too scared to do that stuff. She said she'd be afraid of getting caught doing it. She said that she doesn't even drink. Kathy said the rest of the family drinks and they've done enough for all of them.
Howard asked Kathy about how she got fired from CNN last year after she cursed on the air. She got hired again to do New Year's Eve with Anderson Cooper this year. Kathy said that they have it in her contract that she can't say ''fuck'' and if she does they're going to pull her off the air. Howard said she should just say it. Kathy said that it does get very cold up there and she gets very confused. Howard said she's a comic and she's used to using foul language so it's hard for her to change.
Kathy said that they go out there and freeze their asses off on that show. She said that they have to wipe her nose in the breaks. She said that they see Ryan Seacrest over in a glass tower staying nice and warm. She said they introduce one huge musical act after another over there. She said that they can't even compete with that. Howard said she has to say 'fuck' to compete with that. Kathy said they're threatening to pull her if she does that again.
Howard said Kathy should break into Ryan's booth just to warm up. He said they can just barrel their way in there. He said they can get Kirk Douglas to go in there to talk to Dick Clark. They can have a battle of the stroke guys. Howard said Kathy should just go break into that booth.
Kathy said that she just got the call to do the CNN gig a week ago. Howard said he loves that she took the job even though they've humiliated her two years in a row. Howard said that they should get Courtney Love to do the show with her. Robin said she saw her out recently and Courtney just said that she loves her or something and then ran off.
Howard said that this Anderson Cooper guy is such a great guy, when is she going to find a woman for him. Howard asked what his deal is. Robin said she thinks he came out. Kathy said he sits in for Regis a lot so Kelly Ripa should know. Howard said he's not joking around, he wants to know if he is gay or not. Kathy said she's not sure. Robin said it says that he brought his boyfriend to some event he went to. Kathy said that she'll just ask him about going to Haiti and Afghanistan. Howard said she must want to know what's going on in his personal life. Kathy said she just wants to know about that stuff she just mentioned.
Howard asked if Ryan Seacrest is attractive to a woman. Kathy said she's not sure what's at the bottom of that. She said that she has seen him wearing a jacket that looked like it was from a woman's department. Howard said he'd like to see her goofing on Ryan on CNN. Howard said she should try to get some of their guests over there too. Howard said he wants her to try to get into that ABC booth too. Kathy said it's like 3 blocks away so that would be tough.
Kathy said she's seen a lot over there doing that job. She said she's just going to try and keep the job for 90 minutes.
Howard and Kathy talked about Bristol Palin being on Dancing with the Stars and how weird it was that she stayed on even though she was an awful dancer. They talked about the Palin family and how they're after Kathy for the comments she's made about them. Kathy said that she's had a lot of death threats and things like that from the Palin family fans.
Howard asked Kathy if she gets upset when people bash her looks on these roasts. She said she knows what to expect at the roasts. She said that there was some back stage stuff that went on that was weird.
Howard gave Kathy some plugs for this CNN New Year's Eve thing that she's doing with Anderson Cooper. Howard said they fire her every year from the channel after she curses. Howard said they should get one of the Chilean Miners to appear on the show. Kathy said maybe she could fuck the guy and get kicked off CNN again. Howard said that sounds good. She said she had to give up her money last time she got fired. She said that's what will happen this year if she curses again. Howard gave her some more plugs and let her go a short time later.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how honest Kathy is and how great it is that she doesn't even try to sell them on watching it. Howard said that she's almost saying that she's going to curse again and get fired so tune in to see it. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Eminem is an angry dude. Howard also said that they found 265 more hours of tape from the Nixon library. He said it's stuff about the Jews, Blacks and Italians. Howard read about how he thought that the Jews were aggressive and obnoxious. Howard said that Jews are always shocked when they hear about this. Howard said black people are never shocked by that. Howard said the Jews think they're accepted but it appears they're hated worse than the blacks. Robin said she didn't know that the Jews were a minority until she was in high school.
Howard read about some of the things that Nixon talks about in these new tapes. Howard said that he talks about the Irish and how they get angry when they drink. He talks about the Italians and the Jews in those tapes. Howard said that he was in conversation with his secretary about all of this stuff.
Howard read that Nixon was talking about black people and how he has ''sort of a blind spot on the black thing.'' He was talking about them being inbred or something like that but it was kind of confusing. Howard said he looks forward to hearing the tapes even though they usually come out kind of muddy.
Howard said that he was allowed to go back stage and asked for an autograph for his daughter and Paul blew him off. Howard said he was so embarrassed by that whole thing. He said it was in front of Chris Rock and his daughter. He said he didn't like that he had annoyed Paul. He said he knew he shouldn't have done it. He said he did get to take a picture with Paul. Robin said maybe that's where the autograph will show up.
Howard said the guys went online and looked it up and found out that Paul says that he won't sign autographs for people when they ask him when he's out. Howard said this was the same case and he was just an annoying guy to Paul. He said he was annoying to one of the Beatles and he feels like such a douche.
Howard said he had the quote from Paul. He said he's so fuckin' embarrassed by this. Howard played the audio of Paul talking about the fame thing and how tough it can be. He has realized he has rights and he doesn't have to sign them. Howard said he's really ashamed that he asked Paul for the autograph.
Howard said he was walking down the street with his friend Pat yesterday and this guy was walking in front of him looking back and following them. He said that he stopped and then the guy looks at him and then at Pat and asked if he was famous. Howard said the guy said that Pat was a movie star or something. Pat told him that he was a trainer and he wasn't famous. Howard said that he thought the guy was looking at him but he was looking at Pat.
Howard said he's really embarrassed by this McCartney thing. He said that his daughter wanted that autograph and he wanted to get it for her. He said he didn't have paper for him to sign so he asked for the ticket to be signed. Howard said he did it and then saw Chris Rock there. He said it was like the Zapruder film in slow motion. He said that he feels really shitty over the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had royalty in the room with the King of All Media there. Howard said he's not sure they knew that and many of the people there didn't know. Howard said he's so delusional that he thought that he should learn how to play a song with Paul on stage. Howard said he thought maybe he'd point them out to come up and perform. Howard said he got there and Paul didn't even know him. He said he was at a party over the summer with Paul's girlfriend and had a conversation with her. He said she didn't even remember him back stage. Howard said he figured that Paul would just do it for him.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked how it feels to be a star fucker. Howard said he's a star that got fucked. Wheels was also asking Robin how she felt throwing herself at Paul when he was on the show. Robin said she really laid it out for him when he was in there. Howard said that both of them have felt the humiliation now.
Wheels asked what's going on with Howard not being able to hold in the pee. Howard said he's not sure. Wheels said that he can send him some catheters if he wants. Wheels asked why he makes fun of people for tailgating but he plays chess all the time. Howard said he enjoys chess, that's why he plays.
Wheels was talking about how Howard makes fun of people for tailgating at Football games. Howard said he makes fun of them because they don't even go into the games. Howard said he didn't like Wheels call today so he hung up on him. Howard said he finds it weird to go out and tailgate and watch the game out in the parking lot.
Richard told the guys that he once grappled with a guy who shit his pants and he puked on him. Howard said that he was reading about a guy who stuck his finger up a guy's ass in a wrestling match and he got arrested for doing it. Howard said the guy's finger was right in the guy's ass and he saw the picture of it.
Benjy said he wrestled in school and the guy who coached them told them to stick their fingers up the guy's ass in the ''Indiana Hook'' move. Howard said that this guy was arrested for rape for doing that.
Howard said that Richard's dad called the other day. He had the audio clip of him talking about the 8 point buck they shot and how the won't be needing meat for a while. The message was short and right to the point.
Howard said that he likes how he calls him bub. Richard said he calls his friends shitheads. He said he just jokes around and he's a good guy. Howard said he likes his dad a lot. He said he likes that he goes out and kills his own food. He could never do that himself. Howard said he could never shoot a deer. Richard said he loves venison. He said it's not gamy like Howard thought it was. Richard said he likes raccoon too.
Howard said he likes the story that Richard told about the calf they had as a pet that they had to kill and eat. Howard said he couldn't deal with that. Richard said it was part of life. He didn't think it could be avoided.
Howard said he saw pictures of the bear hunt in New Jersey and they had this beautiful bear upside down on a guy's truck. He said it was sad. Howard said he liked the story about the guy who tried to live with the bears and ended up getting eaten by them. Howard said the guy was a loon.
Richard talked about a guy who used to buy furs from his father and the barn where he had to bring them smelled awful. He said it was the worst smell in the world.
Richard talked about how they ate their cow for the whole winter the year they killed their cow. He said he was in the 4-H and they used to raise pigs to sell there. He said that was really sad. He said that these hogs were feeding hogs and they'd get attached to them. Richard said they'd haul them off to the butcher after the fair. Richard said all of the kids would cry after the fair. Howard said that's a lot of trauma. Richard said he would get really sad because you get so attached to them.
Howard asked if they watched when they killed Calfie the Calf. Richard said they didn't watch. He said he doesn't even know how they do it. He said the cow was like a year old when they killed it. He said it wasn't all that big. He said it wasn't a big bull but it was taller than he was. He said he knew it was going to happen eventually.
Howard asked if they heard the calf screaming or anything. Richard said the cow had no idea what was going to happen. He said that you just grow up knowing that's the way of life. Howard asked how long it takes before they eat it. Richard said it was like a week or so. Howard asked how you know it's Calfie. Richard said that was the only one they took to the butcher. He said that they get the steak back and they cook it up and eat it.
Howard asked Richard if it tastes awful. Richard said this was when he was like 10 so it tasted fine. Howard asked if he forgot it was Calfie. Richard said he thinks so.
Howard asked if they made Calfie hamburger. Richard said of course they did. Howard said he could never do that. He can't know his food.
Richard said that the butcher saved Calfie's eyeballs for him. He took them to class and did a presentation on how they work. Howard said his dog looks to him for everything. He said that the dog knew it was bed time when he got home. He said he can't imagine eating the dog. It must be a tough order to follow. Howard said it's no wonder Richard likes haunted houses. His whole life is a haunted house. Richard said he can't eat fish now. He said he has fish as pets and he just feels bad when he eats sushi and stuff.
Howard said they should use those clips in every call for the next 6 months. Howard said that he has started crying more lately. He said that Beth must look at him like he's like a woman and she made a mistake. Howard said he's mentally ill and she must figure she made a mistake. Howard said he has learned how to cry and it's been painful.
Howard said that John Boehner was on 60 Minutes crying and he cries too much. He played a clip from the interview he did on 60 Minutes where he broke down and cried. He was talking about how he was chasing the American dream his whole career and he starts to well up. Boehner then says that he can't talk about it. They played some other clips of him crying while making speeches.
Howard said he can respect that he's emotional but it sounds like he's unstable. Gary came in and said there were some other clips of him crying and it was over nothing. Howard said it's getting to be a little too much. Howard said even Glenn Beck has toned down the crying. He said he used to tear up on his show but he's not doing that so much now.
Howard said he had some tape of a guy crying over a library closing. He's played that one on the show before. The guy was upset that they were closing the library and he was talking to a reporter about it.
Howard said he had another crying clip of a guy crying over a wrestler. Howard said he was talking to a wrestler at an appearance and he started crying. The guy was talking about how real it seemed to him and how upset he was what they do to their bodies. He told them they were awesome as he was crying. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he always hears about this guy Coach Joe Paterno because Beth's family knew him. Howard said he called into a Tampa radio station and he's 83 years old now so he can't hear so well. Howard said the host freaks out because the guy can't hear him. Howard played the clip and the coach tells him to speak up because he can't hear him very well. Coach can't understand a word he's saying. Howard said it sucks getting old. The host was screaming into the microphone so he wasn't able to get any louder. Coach put someone else on the line. The radio show host yelled and asked if he could hear him. He gave up after that.
Howard said the guy turns 84 next week. Their next guest is 97 and she's a fan of the show. Howard said that this woman is on a walker so it would take some time to get in there. Howard said he can't imagine that she's that big of a fan. Howard said that she claims that Robin is her favorite.
Howard said this is Lucy. Lucy said that Howard is a wonderful guy. She congratulated him on his next 5 year contract. She said she likes that she'll be able to hear Howard for another 5 years. Howard asked where she's living. She said she lives in the Bronx with her daughter. Howard said they usually throw you in a home at that age. Lucy said her father died at 99 and he mother at 89. Howard asked how many kids she has. She has 2 daughters and a son.
Howard asked Lucy if she has really been a fan of the show. She said she's been a fan for many years. She said she loves Howard and Robin. Howard asked her about her husband who died in 1979. He had a cerebral hemorrhage. She said that he was working on his job when he had the hemorrhage. Howard said that she didn't get to say goodbye to him. She said that he was a very good guy. She said he was good sexually too. She said he was the best. He was the only one she ever had.
Howard said his mother only had one guy too. Lucy said that she loves Howard's skits and his sex talk. Howard said that some people her age would get upset with that. Lucy said she loves it. Howard asked if she made love to her husband all the time. She said she did.
Howard asked if Lucy ever wished she had other men before her husband. She said she didn't but she did have sex a few times after her husband died. Howard asked her if a man kissed her vagina in her day, was it taboo? She said that she would have let her husband try if he wanted. Howard asked if she kissed his penis. She said he had a big one. She said it was 7 1/2 inches. She said that he measured it. Howard asked what his name was. It was Jimmy. Howard asked if he was thick and long. She said it was.
Howard said that Lucy is thin as a pin. She's 5'2'' tall and 110 pounds or so. She said she wouldn't put the penis in her mouth. She said once in a while she would kiss it but not blow him. She said she was a little sorry she didn't do that. Howard said he thinks Robin regrets not blowing him.
Howard asked Lucy how old she was when her husband died. She said she was 65. She said that she waited about a year before dating. Howard said she must have been dating older guys. She said they were her age. Howard asked if she compared them to Jimmy. She said that she didn't but Jimmy was the best.
Howard asked Lucy about the other guys she was with and she said she never fell in love and remarried. Howard asked if she ever got a vibrator. She said she never even tried it. Howard said you'd think that you would try the greatest invention of her lifetime.
Howard asked Lucy what her favorite moments were on the show. She said she liked it when he would play butt Bongo and throw baloney at women's asses and things like that.
Howard asked Lucy how her health is. She said she's doing pretty good. She has arthritis in her legs. Howard asked if she has a sexual desire at 97. She said she does. Howard said she was born before radio and TV were even invented. Howard said that's wild.
Howard asked Lucy if she gets treated like a baby and hates that. She said she takes care of herself and does her own cooking and laundry. She said her kids treat her like she's a kid now. Howard said at least she still has her dignity.
Howard asked about how old she was when TV came out. They figured she was around 34 years old. She was born in 1913 and TV came out in 1948. Howard asked if she thinks it's wild how you can watch TV on your phone now. She said that it's beautiful. Howard asked what her favorite invention is. She said that radio was probably it.
Howard asked if she knows who Beetlejuice is. She said she knows. She just took a picture of the picture in the green room. Robin asked who her favorite wack packer is. Howard asked if she likes Eric the Actor. She said that she does like him. Howard said that some people hate him because he's ungrateful.
Howard asked if she knows who hosts the Wrap Up Show. She said that she only listens to Howard. She said she's listened to him for 4 hours a day. She said she listens from the time she gets up.
Lucy said she loves when he talks to his mom. Howard said she never shaved her pubic area. Lucy said she did when she went to Brazil. She said she did that when she was 80 something years old. Howard asked if she was seeing someone. She said she just did it because everyone was doing it. She said she got it waxed at 80. Howard said his mother would never do that.
Howard asked Lucy how long she thinks she'll live. She said she hopes to be around another 5 years so she can hear Howard. Howard said he knew there was a reason he re-signed. Lucy said she never smoked but she has a drink now and then. She said she wanted to show Howard some pictures of her party. Howard said no one cares about that kind of thing.
Howard asked Lucy if she wanted to be Miss Howard TV for the next month if they sign another deal. He told her she'd have to wear a bikini. Lucy didn't say no. Robin asked if she still dates. She said she doesn't. Howard asked her if she finds Benjy attractive. Lucy said he looks fine.
Lucy showed Howard a picture where her granddaughter was posing with Howard. Howard said it was from a long time ago and she was a piece of ass. Howard said she's some good looking girl. Howard said he'd like to bikini wax her. Lucy said that she was actually there with her. That was taken back when they were shooting ''Private Parts.'' Howard said that he'd sign it for her. Lucy asked him to sign another book for her too. Howard did that as well. He asked her if she thinks she'll go to heaven when she dies. She said she hopes so.
Lucy said she wanted him to sing one of his posters for her too. Howard said he has limits and rules. Howard said that Lucy is a great person and she carries herself with dignity. He asked if she has any lessons that she can share with them. Lucy just said ''Love everybody.'' Howard said he thought she was going to say ''Don't trust the Jews.'' Lucy said you have to love everybody. Howard said that's a tough pill to swallow.
Howard said that Lucy lived through a lot. She lived through Hitler. She said she never liked him. Howard said that she lived through the 20s and the depression. Lucy said her father owned a cotton farm and he had slaves. That was in Texas. Howard said she's seen it all.
Howard told Lucy that if he could bang her he'd give it to her really hard with his 2 inches. It wouldn't match up to Jimmy's 7 inches though. Howard sang to Lucy about love. She started to sing along with him. Howard said that if she was 50 years younger he'd ''tittie... oh never mind.'' He asked Lucy if she ever worries about Alzheimers and things like that. She said that she doesn't. She still has friends who are around her age. She said that they're actually in their 80s, not her age of 97. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later but he had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone. Mariann said that she's her inspiration. She asked if Howard is the hottest. She wished her a good holiday after that.
Howard wrapped up with Lucy and she said she wants to call in like once a month. Howard said she can call in whenever she wants. She said she wants a direct number. Howard said ''Yeah, that'll happen.'' He told her that they'll have phone sex next time she calls in. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he was going to get right to news. He said his plan to get out of there on time was blown out. He had a bunch of things to get to but he'd save them for tomorrow.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about the Paul McCartney concert and all of the stars that showed up to the concert. He mentioned some of the people who they got interviews with. Cousin Brucie was there and so was Tony Bennett.
Steve said that Gary spoke to a reporter at the concert and Rosanna Scotto was there yelling out Baba Booey to get back at all of the people who had done it to her on her news program. Scott the Engineer got to go to the concert too when someone came up with an extra ticket. Howard said there was a technical glitch during the show and people were yelling at Scott to get up there. Howard said he was in a panic hearing that. He said he asked Mel what they were going to do. Mel didn't seem too worried.
Steve said that they have an article about Gary in the latest Penthouse magazine. He also said that the History of Howard Stern Part IV starts next week on Howard 100 at 6am. He also got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt and Riley Martin's show. Howard said Jackie is going to be at the holiday party so Robin will get to talk to him there.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to discuss today. That led to Robin talking about how Tim Sabean was lying about trying to get them on the broadcast last night. She said he had told them that he was going to try to get them in to meet Paul.
Robin started her news with a story about the Da Vinci Code and how scientists think they've found secret codes in the Mona Lisa. Robin said they found some numbers hidden in the eyes of the Mona Lisa. Howard said that no one has any secret codes to anything. Robin said Da Vinci was a genius though. Howard said it could be the number of women that gave him a blow job for all they know. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin read about the Golden Globe nominations that have been announced. Robin read through some of those nominations. Robin had some of the movies and the TV shows that were nominated. That led to them talking about Robert De Niro. Howard said he didn't think he did a very good job on Saturday Night Live. He said it's a different set of skills on that show but he doesn't think that he was trying very hard. Robin said he was talking to Ben Stiller and he was telling her how tough it is to go around doing promotion with De Niro because he has to do all of the heavy lifting himself.
Robin read about this Miley Cyrus controversy. She said they apparently tried to cover it up but the video still got out. They weren't able to stop it all from coming out. Robin said there was so much out there that they couldn't pay everyone off. Howard said that Miley must be unconsciously trying to ruin her career. He said the pressure must be tough on her and she wants out. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said he saw the tape and he also did some research on Salvia. He said that the stuff is legal and you get a high like LSD. Some people just say you laugh uncontrollably. Robin asked if they should try it. Howard said those days are over for him. He can't even handle pot. Howard said he has no desire to smoke anything anymore. Robin read about how they were giving away computers to the students who had video of Miley to get the video back.
Robin read about a mail carrier who made a delivery in the nude. Robin said that the victim claims that she was alone and the guy delivered the mail nude as he was carrying her mail. He walked in and said ''Surprise!'' The woman ran out of the room and locked the door. The guy waited around for a little while before leaving.
Robin read a story about George Clinton claiming that the Black Eyed Peas stole some of his music. He says they stole some of his song. Howard played some of both of their songs. Howard said they should take away all of their money for that. Howard listened again and said that it sounds like a rip to him. Robin said that Clinton says that he never signed any contracts about it and someone may have forged it. Howard said that he's trying to get paid now. Howard said that he should ask to bang Fergie as payment. He said he's really tuned into that Fergie. He said she almost scares him a little bit.
Robin read about Kate Goslin going camping with the Palin family and saying that she had an awful time. She got up and left in the middle of the camping trip. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Brett Favre's streak has ended at 297 starts. That led to them talking about how Favre sent a picture of his penis to a woman and how most women aren't into that. Howard said Robin would be turned more on by a text than by something like that. Robin said most women will tell you that on Match.com they see penis pictures within two sentences. Howard said ball pictures don't work either. He said Sal sends pictures of his cock to Richard and that's the kind of things guys should do. Robin said you have to wait a little while before you do that. Robin said that Brett Favre wasn't able to start last night's game. She said they lost to the NY Giants in Detroit. She had some audio of Favre talking about that. Robin said that he's saying this is going to be his last season.
Robin read about the NY Jets strength and conditioning coach getting suspended after he tried to trip a player from the Miami Dolphins. Robin said he was fined $25,000 as well. Howard said he should be thrown out of the game after something like that.
Howard said he once emailed a woman a picture of his penis and she asked why he was sending a picture of his pinkie.
Robin had some news about last night's Paul McCartney concert. She had some audio from the concert to play as well. Robin had some details on some of the celebrities that showed up to the concert. Howard said Paul announced that he's writing a song called ''Please leave me a long with the autographs, you schmuck.''
Robin had some audio clips of Carrie Underwood talking about doing a character for the new Narnia movie.
Robin also read about Conan O'Brien going on Larry King's show. She had some audio of Conan talking about how much he's enjoying the new show and how they're trying not to do any of the bits from the old show. Conan also talked about the things that went on with NBC and how he can't get over them. He takes it out on the drivers around him when he's driving to work. Conan also said he hasn't spoken to Jay since the whole thing went down.
Howard took a call from Lilly who said that De Niro really can't read the cue cards. Howard said he loves his acting but not SNL. He said that's just not his venue.
Robin read a story about a spoof of a holiday tune that Will Ferrall and John C. Reilly have done. They covered Little Drummer Boy like David Bowie and Bing Crosby did. Howard said he saw it and it's funny. It's up on FunnyOrDie.com. Howard said you have to see it. Robin had some audio of it to play.
Robin read a story about a guy who bought Bob Dylan's hand written notes for ''The Times They Are A-Changin.'' Robin said that it sold for $422,000.
Robin read about the new movie Yogi Bear coming out soon. She had some audio of Justin Timberlake talking about playing Boo Boo in the movie. Howard pointed out that Justin is developing some monotone. He did an impression of that while Fred played some audio of a buzzing sound that's very similar to the monotone.
Robin read about the movie Despicable Me coming out on DVD and Blu-Ray this week. She had some audio of Julie Andrews talking about that movie.
Robin read about Jennifer Grey getting back surgery and coming through it just fine. Robin said that they say it was a success and she's at home resting. Howard said he had completely forgotten that she won on Dancing with the Stars. They ended the show after that. It was right around 10:30am.
Jon ran down some other stuff they were going to be covering today and said he was going to start off with the McCartney concert. Jon said that every parade gets rained on with this show. Howard tried to get an autograph and it backfired on him. Gary said it's not that ridiculous to ask for an autograph. He said that the only person who has rules about that is Ringo. Gary said that it was a perfectly reasonable request. Gary said that it's Paul's thing to respond the way he did. Gary doesn't think Howard should feel so bad about it. Benjy said it's like hitting on a girl in the office and getting slapped with sexual harassment.
Gary said he would let it roll off his bad a little more. He said he may have been embarrassed in front of his daughter though.
Gary said he once went to see a Mets game and he was in the commissioner's box. He said the owner of the Mets was there and he saw Frank Robinson sitting there. Gary said he was a super player but he knew nothing about his personality. Gary said he wanted to add an autograph to his son's collection. Gary said he got a pen and a baseball and waited until they were between innings. He asked Mr. Robinson for the autograph and the guy just glared at him. He then turned away from him. Gary said he could have just said he wasn't doing it right then. He said the guy's whole body started to shake. Gary said he snapped his fingers and asked for the ball. Gary said he signed it but he was angry at him the whole game. Gary said he had no idea that it would upset him so much. He said a caller told him that the guy pulled a gun on a fan that asked for an autograph once.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is being a big dick about the whole thing. He said that he turned it into a whole thing about getting his wife and kid back there. He thinks that Howard didn't need to bring his wife and his daughter's friend back there. Gary and Jason said it would be weird to leave his wife behind. The caller said he could have just done it for his daughter. Gary said he didn't want to leave his wife behind.
Richard had a story about getting an autograph. He said he was at a wrestling event and he was a big fan of Bulldog Bob Brown. He said that the guy was known as a hard ass when it came to autographs. He said that the guy showed up and he held out a piece of paper for him to sign and the guy told him to get that out of his face and called him an asshole. He said that He thought his dad was going to get into it with him. Richard said he still thought wrestling was real after that because the guy was such a bad ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the whole show last night was a bunch of BS with all of the stars there. He said that it was supposed to be for the subscribers. Gary said it was mostly subscribers. He said that Paul also had his own stack of tickets to give out so that's why a lot of his friends where there.
Benjy said this was an advertisement for Sirius so that's what it was all about. Gary said they were advertising it as a way to give back to the fans. He said for the most part there were a lot of subscribers there. Jason said it does suck but that happens at any event like that. He said it's just par for the course. Jon said it was overwhelmingly subscribers there. Gary said he met a lot of people who were subscribers sitting in their area. Benjy said he met Dementia Patty there. Gary said he knows who he's talking about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is showing his humility talking about the McCartney thing. He said that if he was Howard he would have demanded that he sign that ticket. The guy said that Howard is the most important person there at Sirius and he deserved the autograph.
The guys talked about what they think Paul may have been doing with that move he pulled on Howard. Jason said it did seem like kind of a dicky thing to do. He said that it was a limited crowd and he was just asking for something for his daughter. Maybe he didn't do it on purpose.
Gary said that Howard doesn't like autographs in general so he doesn't care so much about that but he will sign anything for just about anyone when they ask.
Jon said that they got to the theater and there was a lot of chaos around the venue. He said that they got in and Tim came over and told Robin and Fred that he was going to try to get them in to meet Paul. He and Gary were looked over. Jon said that Tim made a comment today that he had to ''jump out of the plane'' because he just can't sit still. He said that Robin didn't seem to like the position he put them in though.
Gary said it did seem like Tim got them into that predicament and he didn't know how he got them into it. Jason said that Robin called him a liar about what he said about getting them on the air. She said he was trying to get them back stage.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard refuses to do things for his friends and co-workers. The guy said that tis' not that hard to write a foreword for a book and he's just getting a taste of his own medicine. Jon said that would be true if Howard never agreed to sign anything. Jason said Howard always takes pictures with guests and goes out of his way to do it.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he thought he'd try to get Robin and Fred on air on the broadcast they were doing. Tim said he figured he'd take them back there and see if he could get them on. Tim said it was an innocent mistake and he should have thought it through. Jon asked if he was trying to get them back stage or on air or a combination of both. Tim said it was mainly to get them on air. He said that there was a lot of chaos there so it was kind of confusing.
Tim said he's not sure how he overlooked Gary. He said that it was a lot of confusion. He said that his head was going 20 different places at the time. He said that he left early to hear it on the air to see what it sounded like. He said he can't enjoy being there because he can't relax. Tim said he enjoyed seeing all of the people there. He said he has a hard time enjoying things. He said he has to be involved and doing something. That's just the way it is.
Gary said he thinks Robin really enjoyed the show. Jon was sitting right next to her. Gary said she was making noises like he's never heard. Tim said it was great watching him singing those songs right there in front of them. Tim said it was mind boggling to watch it there live. He said the guy is 67 and in phenomenal shape.
Gary said he watched the Last Play at Shea special that Billy Joel did and he was talking about how big the Beatles were to him. He said that the grounds keeper that drove the Beatles was the same guy that drove Billy in his movie. He said it was really weird to see.
Gary said he was watching Benjy last night and asked if he recognized any of the songs. Benjy said he knew most of them. He said that it was cool to be at the Apollo too. Richard asked if they had any famous guys in the band. Gary said that it's the same three guys that he travels with most of the time.
Jason asked if anyone is trying to get an autograph for Howard. Tim said he doesn't think so, not that he knows of.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard has it all wrong with Paul. He said that he has a signed bass from Paul. Gary said that he might be with the caller. He said that it might be backed up by Chris Rock's reaction too. The guys said they have to get Chris on the show to talk about what happened.
Ralph called in and said that was a super fantastic show last night. He said it was great to share it with Jon too and Jon said that last night. Ralph also said that he wasn't texting during the show last night. He said that he called his sister and let her listen in while the concert was going. He said she wasn't able to get the concert on the web.
Gary asked what his favorite song was last night. Ralph said he liked ''Let it Be'' and ''Hey Jude.'' He said it was great even though they couldn't see him sitting at the piano. They were being blocked by the giant speakers that were in front of them. Ralph said it was an awesome night.
The guys talked about some of the stars they saw walking by during the show. Ralph said seeing Steve Buscemi was great. Gary said he was yelling out to him that he rocks and he figured he was just wondering who the guy was with the big teeth yelling at him.
Ralph said that McCartney may not have been able to get to Howard's autograph because he was busy. He doesn't think that he'd blow Howard off. He did give him that signed bass guitar. Gary said that he's not sure that McCartney decided to give it to Howard. He said he remembers it being Sirius buying it and then getting Paul to sign it. Then he gave it to Howard when he came on the show. Jon said that someone did get a copy of Abbey Road signed in the front row. He said that was in front of 1400 people though.
The guys talked about how Scott the Engineer was just standing there staring off into space. Gary said he had two tickets and Mary had to cancel because she got sick. Gary said that he decided to have Jon move up with him and he gave the extra ticket to Scott. Gary said that there was a long silence and Scott had to think about it. He said he eventually said okay and then said ''Just one, huh?'' Gary said that they knew that he'd have a good time even though he was only getting one. Ralph asked if they were going to take it away. Gary said they didn't think about doing that.
Scott came in and talked about the noise that they heard during the concert when they had a technical glitch. Scott said that it was just the house monitors that they had the problem with. People were yelling out to Scott to get up there and fix it during the show.
Benjy said there was a hot model there in his row. He said that she was ''hot as fuck.'' She was there with her husband. Ralph said that place was littered with models last night.
Jon said that it made his night hearing some of his hidden gems. Gary said he loved Eleanor Rigby. He said that might be their best song ever.
Benjy asked if they asked it was okay to give Scott that ticket. Gary said he did ask and it was okay to do it at that point.
Ralph asked about going to the sound check. Teddy got to go to that. He said he was doing most of his songs but he didn't do every song all the way through. He said it was really cool to see. Jim McClure was there too and there were only about 50 people in the theater. Jim said it was really cool to see. He said that Paul just walked in and started playing and warming up. He was chewing gum and it was surreal to see.
Jon said that it was a never ending catalog of great songs last night. Gary said Paul came out and did that Christmas song and Jon leaned over and said that he had a whole Beatles catalog that he could have started off with. Paul did joke about that song after he played it like he was getting it out of the way.
Jon said the concert was awesome and it was great to be there. Ralph just blurted out ''Jew'' after Jon complained about the Christmas song.
Ralph said that he was just closing his eyes and listening to the concert. He said it sounded great in the theater. Gary said that music is music for the ages and he thinks that it's going to be around forever. He said it's great to be able to see the guy performing the songs. You only have so much time to see that.
Gary said he was in Target the other day and they have a card you can buy that gets you the whole Beatles catalog.
Wheels called in and said he can't believe Jon was complaining about the Christmas song. Wheels also said that the concert was awesome but there are a lot of complainers there. Gary said no one is complaining. Gary said they're just filling time today and there was nothing to complain about.
Wheels said that they deserved to be there at the concert. He said he was playing Call of Duty and listening to the concert. Jason said he loves that they have to meet his level of expectation when it comes to that stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Lucy the 97 year old fan and asked the guys how they felt about her. They spent a little time talking about how great she was.
Jon asked Lisa if she thinks that moderation is the key to living a long life. Lisa said that it is important. She said that she hopes that's the case. She also thinks that being sociable is part of it. She said she is sociable even though the guys don't believe she is.
Jon said that the interview quickly got sexual and Howard had her talking about that stuff pretty quick. Benjy said she was talking about her husband's 7 1/2 inch penis. He said that's pretty impressive.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's so glad Howard signed on for another 5 years. He said the interview with Lucy was fantastic too.
Lisa said that it felt great when Howard said he was signing on for another 5. She said that it was kind of weird when she got the invitation to the holiday party and they weren't even sure if they were staying there. Lisa said that she hopes to be able to stay and keep doing what she does. She said that she loves working there.
Gary asked why she didn't do a cookie party this year. She said she didn't do it last year either. Gary didn't know that.
Benjy asked if Lisa would still listen to the show if she wasn't working for them. She said she would. Lisa said she would like to stay at the company even if Howard had left.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she met Gary last night at the concert. She said she got home at 2:30 and it was a joy going to the concert. She said she wanted to thank Sirius for the tickets. It was a wonderful evening. She couldn't believe she was even there. Gary said there was a nice vibe there last night and he felt really good. He said sometimes they're uptight but it was a good feeling last night.
Benjy said he felt like the whites had taken over Harlem last night. The caller said a lot of black people were walking by saying ''Welcome to Harlem'' as they walked by the line.
Lisa said that Tony Bennett was saying that it was a big deal to be there because Paul is white and playing at a black theater. She said she has that in her news report.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Paul should have given Howard that autograph. He said that if you break it all down this is all because of Howard. He said that if no one got an autograph or a photograph, Howard should have. He said he's the one guy that should have.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that's the case. Gary said he's not sure. He said he thinks that they have defended Howard and they said he should have signed the autograph. Benjy said that maybe he wasn't doing it deliberately. Jon said Howard said during the show that he was glad his daughter saw it because it teaches her a lesson.
Jon asked if he does it on his own or with his fiancee. Richard said he did this on his own because it's a men's spa. He said that all of the people that worked on him were female though. He said that the pumpkin thing was done by a man. He said that he was in his underwear for the body scrub. He said he was in his regular clothes for the rest of it.
Benjy asked if it bothers him that guys are touching him. Richard said he really doesn't think about it and he doesn't care. He said that it's the rest of the guys who are putting this stigma on it. Benjy said that he gets it might feel good but he wouldn't want a guy touching him. He said that not in that way anyway. Richard said it's just a massage. He said he doesn't care if it's a man or a woman.
Gary asked Richard how he had 3 hours to dedicate to that. Richard said Monday's are his day off from working out so he went and did the spa thing. He got most of his Christmas shopping out of the way so he had the time. Richard said he just wanted to think about the holidays and nothing else.
Richard said he has talked to some massage therapists and they can hurt their hands if they have certain body types. He said it might be easier on them if you're in shape.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his fear is that he's going to pop a boner getting a massage. He asked if Richard has that fear. Richard said it's not sexual for him so he doesn't worry about it. He said that he's got more control over that kind of thing now that he's older.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard what happened where he went from being 30 pounds overweight to a health nut. Richard said he got the gout last year and that was a warning sign to him. Richard said he got the same thing that High Pitch Eric got so that freaked him out. He said he tried to lose weight and then Sarah Silverman talked about this app for the iPhone that helps you lose weight. He started doing that and he started treating his body better. He said he hasn't had to cut out a lot of the foods he likes. He said he still drinks beer and soda and stuff like that. He's just adjusted his lifestyle where he's taking in smaller portions and enjoying it. The caller said he's as creepy as hell online in the pictures with George.
The caller also said he wanted to offer Gary something. He said that he can offer them that in 10 and a half months from now they can watch the Phillies win the World Series. Gary said he'd go.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they're going to televise that McCartney concert at all. Gary didn't think they had any plans to do that.
Another caller said if Robin leaves the show then Gary should take over. He also asked Richard about how Howard has talked about guys flashing their penises and how Richard has done that. Richard said he's up for all of that. He said Sal sends him pictures of his pouch all the time and he thinks it's funny. Richard said he used to run around naked when he was on tour. He said he doesn't flash like perverts flash. He said he used to streak but that was just to goof around.
Brian Phelan said that Richard chased him down the street once with his cock out. He said Richard ended up peeing all over the place too. Richard said it made him laugh so that's why he did it. Brian said he was yelling out that he was going to fuck him too. Richard said that's funny so that's why he does it.
Jon asked Richard about Calfie the cow and what that was like losing her as food. Richard said he loves animals and he does think about Calfie when he's eating sometimes.
Richard also told the story about Calfie's eyeballs and how he brought them to school. They asked what happened to them after that. Richard said he thinks he just threw them away. He's not sure but he can ask his parents about it.
Richard said he's not sure he could eat squirrels anymore. He said they used to eat them in Kansas but now they're like pets there in the park in the city. Gary said they're basically rats with bit tails. Richard said he feeds them right out of his hands so he likes them. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was reading the Daily News about the Paul McCartney concert and how many celebrities were there. They said that Paul actually asked the audience to clap if they weren't famous. Howard said he read that Paul gets 300 tickets of his own for those shows so that may be why there were so many there.
Howard said one of his friends was saying that he was mad about Paul not signing an autograph for his daughter. Howard said he's really not angry about it though. He said it's actually kind of healthy for him that he didn't sign it. Howard said it was kind of a bummer that he didn't do it. He said he really did just want it for his daughter. He said he felt like he has permission to ask it because he felt he had some kind of relationship with the guy. Robin said she felt the same way after he had been on the show. Howard said he's been on the show twice now so that's what he assumed. Then he humiliated him.
Robin said she's not sure what to think of that. Robin asked if he thinks that he didn't recognize him. Howard said he didn't get that when he was in the room. He said maybe he didn't recognize him. Robin said maybe he didn't know it was him. Howard said maybe Paul thought he was Joey Ramone and he was just blowing him off. Maybe he thought he was that writer Fran Liebowitz. He said Paul could have thought he was a single woman that didn't have a kid.
Howard said Scott Greenstein is going to hear from him about the way he treated Robin and Fred. He said that they're way more important than Keith Richards' daughter. He said that she was up shaking her ass at the concert. Howard said that it was very important for Scott to have celebrities there and he's not sure why. Fred said he may have a fetish for them. Robin said maybe he thinks that it endears them toward Sirius or something. Howard said he's livid about the way Robin and Fred were treated.
Robin said that Scott has told her that she's one of the most important people there so that really stung when they were turned away. Howard said it was like Scott's bar mitzvah that night. He was treating them the wrong way. Howard said no one gives a fuck about Keith Richards' daughter but they do give the fuck about Robin. Robin said he didn't even talk to her though. He had someone handle her. She said hey could have made excuses about it but he didn't even bother. She said that they just got handled. Howard said he did too with that autograph.
Howard said that whole thing is playing back in his head like the Zapruder film. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about his signature on a ticket. He's not even sure what his daughter will do with it. She's going off to college next year and that might be something she'd hang on her wall. He said he just said that he'd fuck his pride and just do it. Howard said Paul does everything for his family so he figured he'd do this for his kid.
Howard said he was walking around like a fucking jackass. He said this is so on his mind that he ran into Eddie Simon, Paul Simon's brother, who has worked with Paul Simon. He said that Eddie used to have a guitar school there and things like that. He said he told Eddie the story and Eddie said that's peculiar to him because he's such a nice man. Howard said he felt like a douche bag. Then this guy walks over and asked him to sign something for his father. Howard thought the guy was kidding around. Eddie asked if they were on a hidden camera show at that point. Howard said he wants to drop the whole thing now so he can get away from it. He said that it's just not helping.
Howard said his buddy Pat told him that he wasn't being a douche bag. He said that he was doing it for his daughter. Howard said he's over that now but he's not over the way Robin was treated. He said he's going to talk to Scott about that.
Robin said Scott didn't even have to go anywhere. She said he was standing right next to her and he told someone else to get her out of there. She said he hasn't come to her since then either. Howard said he heard that Scott had the Swedish band Roxette in the audience. None of them even know who Scott is.
Gary said that he spoke to some people in the business and they were surprised that Paul didn't sign the autograph and that he didn't acknowledge him in the audience. Howard said he heard that a lot too. Howard said he's pretty sure Paul has no idea who he is. He said if he was vindictive he would start bad mouthing the guy but he loves him. He said he would never do that. Howard could say that he has no idea who he's fucked with. He's not going to do that.
Howard said he was going to say that he hoped Paul wouldn't say anything about him on stage. Then he went back stage and knew that wasn't going to happen.
Howard said he hopes he doesn't have bad breath. He's constantly brushing his teeth and picking them. He said he knows some people who have really bad breath. He had a couple of people come up to him at the concert and they had breath that smelled like pure shit. He said they smell like that whenever you run into them too. He said they're well educated people too. He said these people smelled like they had a whole family of shit living in their mouths. Howard said that they should know how to take care of their mouths and they have enough money to know how to do that or have someone to tell them what the problem is.
Howard said he's constantly checking his breath. He's not sure what these people are up to. Maybe they're fasting or something.
Howard read the article about the concert and how people were actually complaining about the number of celebrities that were there. Howard said he saw Val Kilmer there and said hello. He said he and Val told each other that they're fans of each other.
Howard mentioned some other celebrities that showed up to the event. Howard said he didn't even see most of the people they mentioned in the article. Howard said he knew something was up because he heard so many people yelling out his name. Most of them were celebrities.
Howard said he's definitely going to talk to Scott Greenstein about this. Robin said she's not going to talk to Scott. She's just going to whisper to someone and have him kicked out of there. Howard said that's the way they're going to have to handle him. He said this isn't the way to handle his people. Howard said his poor Fred too. Fred said he can understand him not paying attention to him. He can't understand it with Robin. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said they're important people and way more important than Keith Richards or Ron Woods girlfriend. Howard said that shit's just wacky.
Howard said he's pretty sure that Paul McCartney doesn't even know who he is. He said that he was on the show twice but he doesn't think he remembers him.
Howard said Charlie Watts' landscaper was ahead of Robin and they let him right through. Howard said Robin was almost in until that happened. Howard said that they're going to do the same to Scott from now on. They'll just whisper and have him dismissed. Howard said they'll have Benjy handle kicking him out of the compound. Howard said that Jared somehow got four tickets to the concert but Robin only got two. Howard wondered how that happened. Howard said that Benjy told him that he had met Jared's mom and dad and family. Howard said it took a minute to sink in that he was telling him that he had more than one ticket. Howard said he should have told them to stay low key.
Howard said he saw Jared running around getting water for Matt Damon and his wife. Robin said no one got her water. Howard said Scott must have told them no. Howard said Robin isn't famous enough apparently. She's only been on Letterman twice.
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Howard said they're going to have fun whispering in front of Scott Greenstein from now on. He said that's what he's going to do from now on. Howard said he will know not to do that anymore.
Howard said people lose their minds for a night when they have something like that. Howard said he saw some board of director type people back there and he wondered who the fuck they were. Howard said that the subscribers weren't there for them.
Howard said he heard that Fred is on board for 5 more years as well. Fred said he said yes within minutes of Don calling. Howard said he's glad he has them on board. Howard said they love the subscribers and they're happy to be there for 5 more years.
Howard said that everyone had to do some soul searching and figure out if they wanted to continue. Howard said he's happy that Scott helped out with that. The love was all over the room for everyone but Robin and Fred. Scott was thrilled to have Roxette at the concert but not Robin so much.
Howard said he was leaving the building yesterday and he heard that Simon LeBon was chasing him as he left. He said he had no idea who it was. Howard said he's on a mission when he leaves. He said he wants to get his day going but there are always people there in the building that he runs into. He ran into Jackie Bisset the other day. Robin ran into Danny Aiello the other day. Howard said he wished he could have seen Danny. Robin said he would have loved to have said hello. Howard said he must have gone out a different way. He still got caught by Simon LeBon. Howard said he looks good.
Howard said he's still thinking about that Jackie Bisset thing. He said she didn't know who she was and she didn't introduce herself right away. He wishes that people would just do that when they come up to him.
Howard said he went to a Bon Jovi party once a few years ago and Paul McCartney talked to his daughter for 10 minutes. He said the guy is a very gracious guy. Howard said someone came up to him yesterday and asked for an autograph for his kid. He said yes to that guy no problem.
Howard said that Paul played him perfectly when he said he had to take some pictures before doing the autograph. Then he saw Chris Rock reacting to it and he told him that he had just fucked up in that stand-up comedy voice that Chris does. Howard said he was suddenly a routine. He said it was Chris telling him that he had just fucked up.
Howard said he thinks it was good for his kid to see him get rejected. He said that one of the messages they get is that he can get anything he wants but that's just not the case. He said that not everything is going his way. He said that they might think that it is but now his daughter knows that he can't get everything he wants.
Howard said he was almost glad that Paul said no. Robin asked if he set that up that way. Howard said he didn't. He said it's really no big deal and he's just going to end it and move on. Robin said that Paul had that one legged woman who is now taking all of his money. Howard said that one legged monster totally fleeced him and disgraced him. Howard said he's not even bad mouthing her. Howard said that he and Paul are even with the humiliation thing.
Howard said he can't wait to start humiliating Scott Greenstein. He's going to whisper to people to get rid of him whenever he wants to see them there in their compound. Robin said she was about to say ''hi Scott'' when she got kicked out of there. Howard said 5 years ago they really needed them there and now she's less important than Roxette. Howard said that Scott was all about that Swedish band but not about Robin.
The caller asked Howard about how he gets so many free things all the time. Howard said that it's a trippy thing for his daughter to see. He said it's very nice that people do that but it's also nice for her to see that he can't get an autograph from Paul McCartney. Howard said she's going to have to learn about that herself too.
Howard said his humiliation isn't so bad when you compare it to what Paul is going through with that ex-wife of his. Howard said that Robin made Scott feel like a big man that night at the concert when he turned her away. Howard said Robin gave him a gift. Robin said she's very happy she gave him that gift. Howard thanked her for doing that for him. Howard said that Robin allowed him to reject a celebrity. She made his night. Howard said that computer mind of his analyzed that Robin and Fred shouldn't be back there. They gave him a double fix.
Robin said she'll never forget hat Jared said to them. He asked them if they knew where their seats were. She said that's how he got rid of them. Howard said that Matt Damon looked so annoyed that he was getting so many water bottles. Robin said she was wondering where the water was the whole night. Fred said he remembers that. She was looking for something to drink and no one was around. Howard jokingly said he walked into the green room and saw Jared's mom sitting on Paul McCartney's lap.
Howard took another call but ended up talking about how he was listening to Rosie O'Donnell's show yesterday and they were talking about The Biggest Loser show. Howard said Rosie was thinking about doing the show. Howard said the reason people do that show is for the money. Howard said they'd have to take money away from Rosie to give her some incentive. Howard said they do have a celebrity weight loss show but they don't need the money so it doesn't work.
The caller said that Ralph was on Bubba's show talking about who has more money, Howard or Sam Simon. He said that Ralph laughed and said that Sam has more. Howard said that Sam has been a producer of the Simpson's since they started so he gets money from that all the time and he doesn't have to work. The caller said the way Ralph said it made it sound like he's closer to Sam because he has more money. Howard said he thinks that Ralph takes pride in that the way a wife takes pride.
Howard said Ralph has been banned from his home. He said he banned Ralph and Ralph has never asked why. He said he had bad behavior at the house and he never apologized. Howard said that he's still his friend but he can't come to his house. He comes to his apartment but not his house. Howard said he insulted a lot of his guests so he's done with him at the house. Howard said Ralph might be turned on that Sam will still have him over. Howard said he might be proud of his ''husband'' and that's why he was talking about him like that. Howard said Ralph is like his ex-wife now. Howard said he does enjoy Ralph and they do get together at events to hang out. He said he was going to hang out with Ralph, Fred and Robin but they were up in the balcony. Howard said they must have offended Scott in some way.
Howard said he enjoys it when Ralph calls in. He's prefer it if he didn't talk about his house though. The caller, Pete from Pittsburgh, said he was talking about his theater at his house. Howard said that it's really just a TV set in a room for watching TV. The caller said Ralph is a user. He said it's a better idea to just distance himself from him.
Howard said Ralph is a good man and he's always had his back. He's also very loyal to him. He said he has no problem with him.
Pete asked Howard about Artie being brought up on the show and how Howard jokes about it. He asked if Artie has been insulting him or something. Howard said he hasn't at all. Howard said he's very careful about what he says about Artie. He said he will never forget the feeling that shook him when he got the call about Artie and what he did to himself. Howard said it rocked him profoundly. Howard said he did a lot of self examination and asked if he had something to do with that. Howard said his conclusion is that he loves Artie and he gave so much to the show. Howard said he will always be grateful for that. Howard said Artie is a gentleman and he's funny. He said that when the life and death thing came to him he said he would not go on the airwaves and do anything to upset him or rock his world. He needs the love of his family and friends and he needs to get better.
Howard said he can't sit there and make jokes about Artie. He said he doesn't want him to be offended by anything. He said he's walking a tight rope. Pete said it's been a year now. Howard said he's imagining that he has a lot of recovery to do. He said that he's not sure if the show is good or bad for Artie. He can't make those decisions.
Howard said he went through a lot of emotional turmoil over that whole thing. Howard said he had no idea that Artie was in that kind of trouble. He said that Artie called him but he will not reveal what he said to him. Pete asked if he's still an entertainer. Howard said he assumes he is. Pete said that if Artie recovers and wants his job back on the show, would he consider it. Howard said he wouldn't know where to begin with that. Howard said he's not sure when Artie is on drugs. He said that when he was showing up to work people would ask if he could tell he was on drugs. Howard said he couldn't tell and that bothers him.
Howard said they're talking live and death and he wants Artie to live a long life. He said he used to tell Artie he had a good thing going there and it was the greatest. Howard said they didn't have the pressure of regular radio and they were just laughing and getting paid well. Artie liked living in Jersey and he thought that he had it good. He had his own situation going there.
Howard said Artie is the best and he's a beautiful guy. He said he loves Artie. Pete said that some people think he was forced to love him for the show. Howard said that's not the case. He said Artie is great. He said he wouldn't even say he'll never be back. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he can't be cavalier about this whole thing.
Howard said he had Artie on the phone to talk to Pete. He put him on and it was actually Sal and Richard playing clips of Artie talking to Pete another time on the phone. Pete was either playing along or he fell for it. He was arguing with the clips. They had Artie calling him a fucking douche bag and things like that. Pete said that he'd had enough of that. Howard told him that it was tape of Artie. Pete said he thought he had motivated him to call back in. Howard said he knew he was falling for it. Pete said he really thought it was him. Howard said he was yelling at a tape. Pete said ''fuck that guy anyway...'' Pete said the guy is a scumbag.
Howard told Pete it really was a tape. Pete said ''whatever'' and hung up. Howard thought that he was in on it and would have gotten the joke.
Howard said they have David Arquette coming in today. Robin said she saw him out with Kelly Osbourne. Howard said they also have Dave Lampert and Little Lupe coming in too. Howard said that Dave has a new chair to sit on for the Sybian. He had some hip replacement surgery done so he needs a special chair to sit on. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was flipping out because David Arquette is there but he's sick. He said that he might have a cold or something worse. Howard said that he's paranoid and they have vacation coming up. Howard said he should have stayed home.
David came in and said he just lost his voice. Howard told him to stay away. Howard said he's a mother fucker. He said he doesn't get any free time and he doesn't want to get sick. David said he's not really sick. He had no voice but he said he isn't sick. Howard said he does have a sore throat and he's been sneezing. Howard said he was killing him with this. David told him to put him in Robin's booth. He said he's not going to miss Lupe and Dave. Howard said he really is. Howard said that he doesn't even sound like David Arquette.
Howard said he saw David on some wrestling show. David said he just lost his voice. David said he got thrown through a table. Howard said he's worried about him and asked if he's having a nervous breakdown. David said he absolutely is. Howard asked seriously if he is. David said he is.
Howard said he's getting nervous for David. He said he's freaking out about his divorce. Howard said he adores David and he thinks he's a great guy. He said he's good times.
Howard said that the marriage seems to be over and David is freaking out about it. David said that he's been in a shit storm since that phone call he made to the show. David said that he started having his breakdown after Dave Lampert and Raven Simone were on the show together. Howard said he wanted a serious answer but David said that he was serious.
Howard said everyone is worried about David. David said that everyone is worried and they tell him he can't go back on Howard's show. He said that he's trying to get through this shit storm after the phone call and this is just going to add to it.
Howard asked David about his nervous breakdown and what his therapist is saying about that. David said he agreed with him. Howard asked about Kelly Osbourne and why he was with her the other night. David said she has a boyfriend and he was just hanging out with her. He said he didn't do anything with her.
David said he's been drinking a lot lately. He said he's heartbroken but doesn't want to get into all of that. He said he feels better about it now. He said he had an Epiphany the other day and he figures he has to stop drinking because he gets to be a maniac when he does.
Howard asked if he's trying to cover up how bad he's feeling by drinking. David said that is what's going on. Howard said that David is getting a divorce an he doesn't want one. David said that the reality is hitting him hard. He said that Courteney told him she didn't want to be his mother but he needs that right now. He needs someone to come to him and give him soup in bed.
Howard asked David about some pictures he had seen of him with various women. David said that people set him up for those pictures. He said there are a lot of assholes out there and they set him up. He said he was out dancing and this girl comes over and bends over and people take pictures. He said that they set him up to make him look bad.
Howard asked David about another girl in a picture. He said that they heard from the girl who he fucked after he separated. Howard said they asked David if he was okay with it and he's not so they won't be having her on. Howard said that she's going out and being interviewed so that must hurt. David said he's fine. He said that's old news. Howard asked if he's talking to her at all. David said he has seen her and he did say ''hey'' to her. He said that it's become such a shit storm. Howard asked if he has to be this crazy guy because he has this new business. David said they're having a great time with the new business.
Howard asked how he lost his voice. David said he's been yelling and screaming a lot. Howard asked where he's living and things like that. David said he didn't want to say. He said there are a lot of weirdos out there.
David wanted to tell a story about a Christmas party he went to. Howard asked whose party it was. David said he didn't want to say but then said it was Adam Sandler's company party. He said he had all of his buddies there at the party. He said it was a blast. He said he was sitting there and someone said hi to him. It was Tom Cruise and he called him Shawn. He said that he saw Tom and his wife there and he had a couple of drinks in him so he made the mistake. He said that Tom was fine with it though. David said it was very embarrassing though.
Howard said he's seen Davey Goodtimes before and he really is a lot of fun. Howard said David needs Courteney back in his life. Howard asked if he wants him to call her for him. David said he doesn't but Howard wanted to help in some way. Howard said that Courteney could have corrected him about the Tom Cruise thing.
Howard asked David if he went over and said he was sorry he called him the wrong name. David said he just had to get the fuck out of there. David said he had a worse story than that. David said he was going to the Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. He said that he was talking to Courteney on the phone and the Christmas parade was right there. He said he hung up and got kind of down. He said the parade ran right in front of the theater there. He said he had some wine and got buzzed and walked outside. He said they had a stage outside with Erik Estrada and Leeza Gibbons doing a broadcast. David said he jumped over a fence to say hi and Erik ''Ponched'' him and kicked him out of there.
Howard said it sounds like hew as trying to crash the parade and he got kicked out. David said he thought it would be funny but Erik handled him by kicking him out.
Howard asked David about his living arrangements but David didn't want to get into it too much because people twist it around so much. Howard said he would stop if he wanted him to. David didn't want to talk about that stuff with Howard. Howard said he's seen that Courteney is still wearing her wedding ring. David said she's not though. Howard said that he liked them together as a couple. David said he wants love in his life and he needs that in his life. Howard said he has to stop fucking all of these girls. He asked if he fucked Drew Barrymore. David said it's funny he brought that up. He said he was thinking that it would be cool to have an Arquette/Barrymore child. He said he's just thinking about that as far as breeding. Howard said that she will probably break up with that guy she's dating. He said that she still looks good too.
Howard asked if Lupe is on the table to marry. David just laughed. Howard said they did some math and figured that he was 20 and Drew was only 16 when they did date. David said that can't be true. Howard said he heard that he brought a midget in with him. David said he brought in Wee Matt. He said he's not just a midget, he's an entertainer extrordinaire. Howard asked if he's a good influence on him because he's heard some things about what they do together. Howard said he heard that Wee Matt had sex in the middle of a casino and David was there.
Howard had the guys bring in Wee Matt. He's one of the stars at Beacher's Madhouse in Hollywood. Howard said he knows Matt. He said he thinks he fucked a chick with him once. Matt was very excited and going crazy when he came in. He told Howard how awesome Beacher's Madhouse is. He said that they get paid to party every night. He said he loves having fun. Howard said he must drink like a mother fucker too. Matt said he does.
Howard asked Matt if he gets go to go to David's house and stuff. Matt said he does and they have a good time over there. He said he chills at his house and knows when to relax. Howard asked if he has a good life partying like that. Matt said he's having a good time. Howard said he sees them doing a TV show together. Something like Magnum and a Half.
Howard asked Matt if he gets mistaken for Wee Man. He said that years ago he had some issues but he wasn't very clear about what he was saying. Howard said he thinks this guy is fuckin' insane. Howard said he felt like he should be in Creedmore with these two.
David told Howard Beacher was dating this 18 year old girl and Wee Matt ended up taking her home with him. He told her that Beacher was cheating on her and she came home with him. Howard said it seems very draining to be around this guy. David said that it's great when you're at the club. Wee Matt said that it takes a lot of Red Bulls.
Howard asked Matt about fucking the girl in the casino and how that worked. He said that he just went in there and did it.
Howard asked Matt if he ever reads a book or anything like that. Matt said he does chill and watch movies and stuff like that. Howard asked if he's ever had a regular relationship. He said he has. He said he gets full size women too. He said that the little people women aren't his style. He said he does have little people friends though.
Howard asked Matt where he grew up. He grew up in Las Vegas. He said he had his arms and legs stretched for about a year but gave up on that. He said he was fine with the way he was. Howard asked if he ever wonders why he ended up like that and why his brothers and sisters are normal sized. He said that he doesn't worry about it. He said life is too short to worry.
Howard asked Matt if he thinks about what his life would be like if he was regular sized. He asked if he ever thought about being a doctor or scientist or something. He said he never did think about that. He's in the fun business and that's it. Howard said he doesn't understand this business.
Howard asked Matt if he ever thinks about what he's doing or does he just do it. He said he just does it. Howard asked how he fucks these full sized women. He said he just goes down on them and does his thing. He was really worked up talking about all of this stuff. He was yelling most of his answers. Howard asked if he can do it missionary style. Matt said he can.
Matt said he doesn't let anything get him down either. Howard said it must take a lot of energy to be Wee Matt. Matt said it comes naturally.
Howard asked Matt if he's ever heard anything from David about his marriage. Matt said they just chill. David asked him not to say anything in the middle of that. Howard said he really thinks that David is having a nervous breakdown and he's worried about him. David told him it's okay and he shouldn't worry.
Howard asked David if he's out having fun. David said that he is out having some fun. He said he does pine away for Courteney once in a while though. Howard said it sounds like they're having a lot of fun together.
Howard said that it's great to meet Wee Matt. David asked if he's going to be in there during the Little Lupe thing. Howard said they can't have him in there. Howard gave David some plugs for his Arquette and Beacher's Madhouse club at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. David said that they have tables for $2,000 to $10,000. Wee Matt was just laughing the whole time and making it hard for David to do his sales pitch. you can find out more about this at BeachersMadhouse.com. He also got in a plug for HauteLook.com where you can find out more about his ''Propr'' clothing line.
Howard said he has a movie in mind for Matt. He asked if he likes coke. Matt said it might be good at the right time. He asked if he's tried Salvia. Matt said he's a drinking kind of guy. Howard asked how long he thinks he's going to live. Matt said he's going to live to 100. Howard gave David some more plugs in the middle of that discussion.
Howard said this is an insane situation. Matt just kept yelling, laughing and saying ''Woo! Yeah!'' over and over. Howard said he was going to have Little Lupe come in after the break. He said he really needs to stay healthy but David is sick and he shouldn't be in there. David said he has to be part of it.
Howard said he didn't learn anything about David's situation at all. He said he knows he's in a separate house but that's about it.
Howard asked if it's contagious when you get divorced in the sense that he's close to Ben Harper and Laura Dern. Howard said that Ben and David started the clothing business together. He asked if he's divorcing because David is. David said that's not why he's doing it.
Howard asked if he's out there having fun. Robin said that David does drop into down moments for a second or two. Matt said he just tells him it's all good and they just keep going. Howard told him to just crawl up David's ass next time he's down and tickle him. Wee Matt sounded like he'd be willing to do that.
Howard asked David about something he did recently. He said he was shocked by this. He said David sent over Christmas gifts to them and he signed it ''David, Courteney and Coco.'' Howard asked why her name is on those gifts. David said they're still a loving family. Howard said he's not sure what to do there. He said he's not sure how he can take sides in this. David said they're just in different places right now. He didn't want to talk about that and asked where Lupe is.
Ham Hands Bill called in and asked David if he misses the smell of Courteney Cox's panties. Howard said he didn't have to smell her panties. Wee Matt couldn't even understand what he said. Bill also asked if Matt can lick a woman while she's standing up. Matt said he has to be comfy and be in bed. Bill asked if he ever puts his nose in women's asses. Matt said that he's had women's asses in his face all his life.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thought Howard was interviewing Jeff the Drunk when he heard David's voice. He said he thinks that it's more to it than him being sick. He said that maybe he's been letting it rip too much with this other guy.
Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said Matt had to go relax in the green room because no one can handle him. He's been voted off the island.
Howard said that Lisa G is hot for David. David said she's looking good these days. Howard asked if he wanted to be hooked up. David said that's okay. He didn't sound interested. Howard had Lisa come in. She asked if he would go to the holiday party with her. David said he'll be in town. Howard told David that Lisa has romantic intentions with him. Lisa said she doesn't. She said she does think he's handsome but his heart belongs to someone else. Howard said he'll still have sex with her. Lisa doesn't really drink either. She said she might take Wee Matt with her instead since he's a party.
Howard said that Lisa makes guys wait at least a month. He asked if David would put up with that. David said he'll fall in love again. He said that's all he wants in life. Howard said that Lisa likes to stay home and play violin. Lisa said that he just killed it with that. Howard said she loves her violin. Lisa said no one will want to go out with her after that. Matt said he'd go out with her. He didn't care about the violin thing.
Howard said Lisa likes to stay home and bake cookies. She also likes to tend to her arthritic cat. Lisa was cracking up hearing all of this. It wasn't helping her get a date. Wee Matt didn't care and said he'd love to see all of that. Howard said Lisa isn't inhibited because she moves her bowels at work. He said she probably did that this morning. Howard said that Lisa doesn't just give it up to any man. It could have been a long time since she gave it up. Lisa said that it has been a while.
David said that some women are too precious with that. He said she should go out and have a good time. Howard said that Lisa called Mother Theresa a slut. Howard said Lisa loves scrap booking too. Wee Matt seemed to be into that too. He said he could do some arts and crafts.
Howard said that Lisa is a great girl. He said she makes great snowman necklaces from glue. He said he heard about that. David and Wee Matt sounded like they were into it. Lisa thanked Howard so much for that talk up. It should really help. Howard asked if either of them wanted her number. Matt said he'd love it. Lisa said ''Yeah, right.'' Howard said Lisa is great. Lisa said she's going to the party alone. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said the moment they've all been waiting for is finally there. Howard said they have Little Lupe and Dave Lampert coming in to ride the Sybian.
Howard said Dave Lampert created the Sybian and he's like 80 years old now. He just had double hip replacement a couple of months ago.
Howard had Lupe come in. He said she looks younger and more beautiful than ever. He introduced her to David Arquette. Howard said that Lupe was nervous about this. She loves cock and vagina but she's freaked out by Dave Lampert. Howard said hello to Dave and said that he invented the Sybian. Lupe said he must be very smart. Dave said that he's not, he just had an idea and went with it. Howard asked how he invented it. Dave told Howard and Lupe that he had experiences that made him realize it was needed and he figured out how to do it. Howard said he figured that women needed pleasure and invented this thing.
Howard said that Dave recognized that not all women have as much fun as Lupe does. Howard said women need a machine that helps them orgasm. Arquette said that Lupe has a machine. Lupe said she does have a ''mat-chine'' and added ''Ding,ding, ding, ding...''
Howard told Dave to explain to Lupe why he needs to hold Lupe during the Sybian ride. Lupe said she thought he was going to smell bad but he doesn't smell so bad. She sniffed him and said he does smell weird. Howard asked Dave to say why he has to hold her. Lupe didn't know that he held them while they were on this thing. Howard said it's normal for Dave to do that. He said that Dave holds all of them.
Howard said Dave invented the Sybian and she's going to have orgasms like she's never had before. Howard said Dave is going to talk her through it. Lupe said she's nervous and if she's not into it then it's very hard for her.
Dave said he explained to her what he is going to do. He said he'll tell her to just let it go and enjoy it. Lupe was worried she'd laugh and not cum. Dave said he wants her to shut her eyes and just not think about who is holding her. Lupe said she doesn't want a stranger's mouth cock. Howard said Dave is a gentleman and he just wants to prove how great the Sybian is. Lupe said she thinks that Dave is made out of plastic. Howard asked what she means by that. He said he does have plastic hips. They're actually steel according to Dave.
Howard asked Lupe why she thinks Dave is plastic. Howard said he is real. He told her to touch him to see if he was real. Lupe touched him. She said that he's so white and his skin is like plastic. Howard said he doesn't go out in the sun. She said you have to do that if you want to look beautiful. Dave said he doesn't worry about that anymore.
Howard asked Lupe if she's afraid she'll lose control and want to fuck Dave while she's on the Sybian. Howard said that she's going to fall in love with Dave and she will hear him talking to her while she's on it. Lupe said if something happens then Robin has to help her.
Howard said Dave is going to put his arms around Lupe and not touch her in a sexual manner. He's just going to whisper in her ear and tell her what to do while the Sybian is running. Dave said that he wants her to just think about the Sybian and let everything else go.
Howard asked Lupe how her career is going. She said that she had some Fleshlights with her. She had her Fleshlight mouth and pussy there. She wanted Dave to use it but Dave said that he can't get it up anymore so he can't use it. Howard said that David Arquette can do it. Lupe gave Arquette the Fleshlight and some other stuff.
Howard said that Lupe is a beautiful woman. Dave said she really is. Lupe thinks that he can fuck but he was just saying that he can't. Dave said he can't do it because he has psychological reasons. He said his wife doesn't like that he was fucking other women so he had to stop doing it so his brain shut down his penis so it doesn't work at all anymore. Howard asked if he's worried that he'll want to fuck again because Lupe is so sexy. Dave said that won't happen ever again. He said he does find Lupe attractive but his penis doesn't get hard anymore. It hasn't for many years. Howard asked Dave if he'll tell them if he gets hard. Dave said he will. He said he does wake up with a hard on sometimes so he knows it's psychological that he can't do it for women.
Howard said that Lupe's job is to make Dave hard and Dave's job is to get Lupe off on the Sybian. Lupe wanted to give Dave her Fleshlight but he said he can't use it without an erection. He said he does masturbate seldomly.
Howard gave Lupe some plugs for her web site ILoveLupe.com and for SexyLittleAngel.com. She has her own clothing line out now so Howard talked to her about that. Howard asked if her breasts ever fall out at the pool. She said that they used to.
Howard told Lupe that David Arquette was a movie star. She didn't know who he was. Howard explained to her that his wife was on ''Friends'' but she didn't know the show that well. She thought that he was a gay movie star or something. Howard asked if she would get it on with him. She didn't like David so Howard asked why. She said she just didn't like him. She didn't smell him so it wasn't his smell. Howard wasn't sure why she didn't like him.
Howard told Lupe she has to get into this. He told her to take her clothes off and get on the Sybian. He told her to put her heart and soul into it. Lupe said that Dave just winked at her. She sounded very uncomfortable. Howard said Dave is trying to be her friend. Howard said Dave is 80 and he's not going to do anything to her. Howard said he'll step in if he has to. Howard told her not to worry.
Howard had Dave get over by the Sybian. He had Lupe take off her clothes and get on. He said this is going to be a great moment on the show. They've been waiting for a long time for this. Lupe said she's not into kinky stuff. Howard said they're not going to do anything kinky to her.
Robin asked Lupe if she didn't want to do this. Lupe said she didn't want to have sex. Howard and Robin said she's not going to have sex. Dave said he's not going to take any clothes off at all. Howard said she looks like she's being kidnapped. Howard said that she's the hottest porn star in the business right now.
Lupe got on the Sybian and Dave directed her how to sit on it. Howard said Courteney just took her wedding ring off. She's done with David now. Lupe was freaking out and saying it was really weird.
Dave was calling Lupe ''Loopy.'' He told her to just shut her eyes and listen to what he says. He put his arms around her and she freaked out again. Howard told her to just suck it up. Howard told her to play along and put her arms around Dave's neck. Dave had her put her arms around his neck and he put his arms around her back. Lupe didn't want her arms around his neck. She pulled them away.
Lupe had her eyes closed and Dave told her to ''let it go.'' He told her to go ahead and feel it. He said that he'll do what she says. He said that if she has an opinions he wants to hear them. Lupe was laughing. Howard told her to shut her eyes or she'd see Dave. Lupe finally relaxed and just went with it. Dave instructed her to just let it go and feel it. He said that she's doing good. He told her to let it go and go ahead and cum. Lupe moaned and said she was cumming. Dave told her to scream if she wanted to. Dave wanted to do it a second time. He told Lupe to stay on. She wasn't ready for another one. Robin said this was the stupidest thing.
Dave told Lupe to not think about anything and just go ahead and cum. He told her to let it go again. Howard said he has to tell her to let the poison out. Dave said she doesn't like that statement so he can't say it. Dave and Lupe went at it again. He kept saying the same thing over and over about letting it go and to just scream if she wants to. Lupe did some screaming. Lupe finished a few seconds later. Dave wanted to try a third time. Robin asked what's going on over there. Howard asked if she was up for a third one. She said she could do it. Dave said that she's doing well. He said there is some resistance and that's what he was afraid of. He was trying to get her to relax.
Dave and Lupe went at it a third time. Dave talked to Lupe as she moaned during the third ride. He told her she was doing good. They went at it until Lupe finished for the third time. Howard said he thinks major poison came out. He asked Lupe if it was so terrible. Lupe said it wasn't but she still didn't like Dave. She said that he's actually a nice guy. Howard said she's now pregnant with a plastic baby.
Howard said Lupe didn't get to say those things that she usually says. Lupe said she would go another time. Howard let them try the Sybian a fourth time. Howard and David Arquette told Dave to just tell her to let the poison out. He didn't think she liked that statement but he went with it this time. Lupe was also saying more this time instead of just moaning. She was saying ''poosy'' and things like that. Dave told her to get the poison out a few times. Dave told her that was good and she finished a fourth time.
Howard said that was a session. Dave said it was a good one. He seemed to like her talking about her pussy. Howard told Dave that he should talk about his penis and tell her he has a big one. Lupe likes to hear about big penis. Howard told them to go one more time.
During the 5th Sybian ride Dave told her that she was going to fuck him hard. Lupe laughed. Dave and Lupe tried it again and talked even more this time. Lupe said she loves cock and Dave thought she was saying she loves to cum. He told her to let it go and said ''Fuck me Loopy.''
Howard said the entire catholic channel just walked out of Sirius. Robin said this was like one of those forced orgasm things. Dave patted Lupe on her butt as she was getting up.
Howard said that Lupe was phenomenal. Robin asked if it was real. Lupe said it was. She said she was sweating. Howard asked what she thought about Dave now. She still thinks he's plastic but it was okay. Howard said she was great on the Sybian and asked if she really had orgasms. She said she did and she loves the Sybian. She said that Dave has to be so smart for inventing that. Howard said he's her hero. Howard said the Howard TV fans are going to love this show.
Davie Arquette said that he was torn about this. He said he was torn between the magic of it and the end of his marriage. Howard had to explain that to Lupe. Howard asked David what he's getting Coco for Christmas. David let out a moan when he said that. Howard said that David is very famous and he's married to a famous woman and their marriage is ending. David still loves his wife but she won't fuck him anymore. Lupe asked if her pussy still gets wet. David asked them to please stop.
Howard asked David if his wife's pussy still gets wet. Lupe said maybe she doesn't do it because she doesn't get wet. She said she should ride the Sybian. Howard asked if she had any advice for Courteney. David said this is the end of his marriage and his career.
Howard said that David was in a long marriage and his wife doesn't understand. David asked him to please stop talking. Lupe said that maybe she doesn't like his red face. David said she has her vagina in a flashlight and she's saying that his face is read. Lupe said that maybe this is good because David is a pussy. She said that he acts like this. She bets that he has a tiny cock because of the way he's acting. She kept saying that he had a tiny cock.
Howard said that Dave did it again. He said he hopes that he enjoyed it. Dave said he was hoping to discuss that it's Christmas time and the best present to give is a Sybian or a Venus 2000. He said either one is made to last a lifetime. He said they should last 60 years no problem. Howard asked if it would be weird to give one to his mom. Dave said he's had people order them for their mothers. Howard said he wants all of their numbers so he can have them arrested. Dave said that this is a gift that lasts a lifetime.
Howard said that Dave makes women happy with this thing. He said he will defend Dave until the end of time. He said that they can get he poison out with this thing. He said he appreciates that. Howard said he likes Dave. Lupe said that she loved the Sybian. Dave said they do sell well around this time of year. Howard said Lupe was able to have orgasms even though she wasn't into Dave at all.
Howard told David that he'd be fine. He was joking about him losing his visitation rights and David said he has to stop. Howard said he's not going to lose them over this. Lupe called him a pussy again. She said she was sorry she said he had a tiny cock. She took that back. Howard told him to show her his penis to shut her up. Lupe asked him to please show her his big cock.
Howard said he wanted to remind everyone about the Sybian.com web site and about Lupe's web site and the Fleshlight. He said you can find those at Fleshlight.com.
Howard said he thinks that Lupe is really into David. She said she's not and he's an asshole. Robin said she keeps looking at him. She said that's because he's an asshole and he has a tiny cock. David said he knows people are going to come up to him on the street and say he has a tiny cock. Lupe took it back but then said ''tiny cock'' under her breath again.
David said that Lupe must have a gaping vagina. She told him to shut up because it's making her millions. She said it's actually very tight. Howard wrapped up and thanked Dave for coming in. He wished Lupe lots of luck and told her to hook up with Tiny Cock over there. She called him Tiny Cock again.
Dave Lampert got in a plug for their Venus 2000 which is their male masturbation machine. He said that's also a great gift this holiday season. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he's happy he's coming back for 5 more years. His phone cut out so Howard had to let him go. Howard said his phone was for shit.
Howard said he did promise people that he'd get Dave and Lupe together before the end of the year. Howard said that Lupe could almost stand Dave by the end. He said it was a dynamic moment on the show. Fred threw in some Lupe clips while he was talking about that.
Howard asked when that show is going to air on Howard TV. Scott DePace said that it will be on tomorrow night at Midnight. He said the only thing he was missing was the hug.
Howard said that David Arquette sounded like a professional wrestler. He said that he had to throw him out of there because he's sick. He said he's afraid he's going to get sick.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Lupe was killing him with that ''Tiny Cock'' stuff with David. Howard said it was really bothering David too. The caller said that it was the greatest thing with Lupe and Dave in there. Howard said they tried a few times before they finally got them both to come in. Howard said Dave broke his hip and the plane ride was rough. He said he's glad he was there. The caller said it was one of the greatest things he's heard this year. Howard said he hopes to hear the replay.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she felt disgusted with the whole segment. She said it was almost like a rape happening. Howard said he would never force someone to sit next to someone if they didn't want to. He said it wasn't exactly life affirming though. Howard said Dave did say that he didn't get hard even from Lupe. The caller said that he must really be done if Lupe can't do it for him. She said she finds her kind of sweet.
Howard said he thinks Lupe had something for David Arquette. He said that she was calling him Tiny Cock but she did appear to have a thing for him. Howard said David actually left on his own today because he didn't want to get him sick.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to ask Arquette if he wanted to get the poison out of Lupe. Howard said he thinks that David didn't want his marriage to end and he's trying to make the best of it. He's partying and having fun but he is worried about him. Robin said she doesn't think he's doing as much as they make it out in the magazines. She said he is dealing with a loss in his life and he's handling it very well. She said she would love to be able to find out if he has a tiny cock.
Another caller said he was glad that he made his Wednesday complete. He said that he had to go into the restroom very quickly. Robin said that Lupe's orgasm did seem real. Howard said he asked her during the break if it was real and she said it was. The caller said Dave reminds him of Boris Karlof or something.
Howard played another one where Big Foot was asked to say Skeleton. The caller said no. Big foot said it no problem. He was asked to say Vagina. The caller said yes at first but then Howard convinced him to say no. He usually says ''Agina.'' Howard gave the caller that one because it was so close. Howard said they gave Big Foot the word Buttocks. The caller said that he won't be able to say it. Big Foot said it no problem. The caller lost but Howard gave him the money anyway. He won $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard said he had to give it to him. He said he could never be a game show host because he'd never let people walk away without money.
Howard said he didn't know they even paid him for that show. He thought he just liked doing it. He said that's amazing that a guy with a big stutter like that is asking for money. He said he has balls for saying that Chuck doesn't deserve it.
Howard said that Yucko left a voice mail about Lisa G. Yucko said that she's an annoying cunt and she ruined it when she was in there when Howard made his big announcement. Howard asked why he's so angry with her. Gary had no idea. He said that she's a frigid know it all and asked them to get rid of her.
Howard said that Crazy Alice checked in too. He played her voice mail where she was saying she was happy that Robin might not be coming back. Alice said that she doesn't care if she leaves.
Howard had Alice on the phone so he asked why she's so upset with Robin. Alice congratulated him on the next 5 years. She said she doesn't think that Robin looks out for her people. Howard didn't understand that. Robin didn't either. Alice told Robin to shut the fuck up. Howard said he thought she liked Robin. Alice said she doesn't hate her but she's never had any black woman's back in there. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Alice told him he could go fuck himself too.
Howard said Riley Martin is looking for a new contract too. He had his voice mail to play. In that voice mail Riley said his contract was up and he had to talk to Howard. He asked Gary to give him a call. He said he had to talk to Howard now. Robin thought they already spoke to him.
Howard said he doesn't know what to tell John and Riley. He said that Riley has threatened to take his show somewhere else. He said that he's losing sleep over that. He hopes they can work that out.
Howard asked if Bubba addressed this on his show yesterday. He asked the guys if anyone knew. Gary said no one knew. He said that Ronnie didn't even know about it. Ronnie said that he heard about him being thrown off in Jacksonville.
Ronnie came in and said that Bubba used some inappropriate language or something and they cut him right off. Bubba won't go back on the air up there until they get rid of some board op up there.
Gary said that one of the guys who works for Bubba up there said that Bubba was complaining about not being invited to Hulk's party on his show this morning.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Gary and his baseball from Jimmy Kimmel's show. The ball sold for just under $1,700 and Taylor Mitchell from TSS-Radio got it. He also has the other ball from Gary's Mets pitch.
Steve said they have a story about Keith Fenimore who is trying to become the most recognized guy who isn't famous. Howard said he didn't know that guy worked for them. Robin said he's trying to be famous for absolutely nothing. Howard asked the Howard TV guys if the guy is a nudnik. Doug came in and said that he just came up with this idea and he wants to be known for nothing. Howard said it looks like a fun life to him. He said they had that guy The Situation in there so it could happen.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to cover today. They played a new Little Lupe song parody while they were talking about her.
Bubba said that Hulk had some issues with a lawn maintenance guy and that's why the cops were called. Howard asked if he was surprised that he got married again. Bubba said he's glad he has a pre-nup. He said if he had that with Linda he'd have more money. Bubba said that he thinks she is the right person for Hulk. He said that he may have jumped into it a little too quick but she's the right one for him. Bubba said he did have a Ralph-like bitch fit this morning about it but he's fine now.
Howard asked why he was off in Jacksonville. Bubba said that he had a thing going on up there with this guy who has been dumping out of his show. He said that they're not keeping track of what they're dumping out of and he's done with it. Howard asked if they're off the air for good. Bubba said that they're back on this morning because they did get rid of that dick board op up there. Bubba said he's going to use the power he has to get the guy fired.
Bubba said Heather is coming up to their party tomorrow. Howard said that they'll take good care of her up there. Bubba said she's easier on the eyes than he is. Bubba said she's going to do herself up for the party.
Howard asked Bubba how much he weighs now. Bubba said he's down to 293 pounds. He said he's doing good. Howard asked if he's over doing it with his new studio down there. Bubba said he got the property cheap and he wanted to do this because he can't rely on Sirius to help. He said that things don't cost that much down there. Howard asked what it costs to build a private beach down there. Bubba said he's doing it all for less than a million. Bubba said he's a risk taker and he has to do it all on his own.
Howard said he hopes that he stays there with them. Howard asked if he needs an 8,000 foot studio down there. Bubba said he does need that. As he was talking about that his show started again so he told Howard to hold on.
Bubba said that he was on the air live with Howard and the crew. He wasn't sure if Benjy was still there. Bubba wanted to box Benjy. Benjy said ''hell no'' when he was asked if he would. Benjy said he has no problem with Bubba. Bubba was saying that he'd have no chance with his wife but the other guys might.
Howard asked Bubba what he really weighs. Bubba said he told him that he's 293. He said Howard is trying to make him look bad on his own show.
Howard thanked Bubba for the updates and said that he should have saved his money and given bonuses his boys over there. He got cheers from the crew there in the studio. Bubba said that was a pandering violation and played a clip of a pander violation thing.
Bubba told Howard that he bought an ice cream truck that he's going to use for promotion. They're going to call it Bubba's Cream Machine. Howard asked if he's doing alright financially. Bubba said he's breaking even. He said he's actually doing pretty well. He said they might be doing as well as Howard was doing at DC-101. Howard said he was making about $45,000 back there.
Howard said he worries about Bubba. He said that when he met him he was down and out. He got them at Sirius and he was doing better. Bubba said he was still down and out. Howard said he's syndicating his show so he must be doing okay. He said he feels that he's being irresponsible with the beach behind his studio. Bubba said the million bucks is the building and the build out all together.
Howard said Bubba is worrying him. He said he's spending all of this money and he's not sure how well he's doing. He has a new house being built and Gary said he bought a plane. Bubba said he's doing well with his money. He said he's white trash but he's getting by.
Howard asked the guys in the studio if they're worried. They were saying that they've tried to have this conversation with Bubba and the compound may end up like the Waco thing did. Bubba said that he drives a cheap car and Spice just bought a Mercedes. Bubba said he likes to blow his money. Robin said he has a race team and things like that too.
Spice said that he asked Bubba why they need a beach and Bubba just said ''Content cuzzie... Content.'' Howard told Bubba he should do what he does. He told Fred to build him a beach and played some audio of waves crashing and a boat floating by. Howard said it's so much cheaper.
Howard asked where they go on their private plane. Bubba said they take trips to race tracks and stuff. Howard said he could do that in Tampa and just race there. Bubba said they're on the USAC circuit and he has to travel.
Howard asked why he has to have his kid in the cars. Bubba said his son likes it. Howard said he thinks that Bubba might be in it for himself. Bubba said Howard is being a dick today. Spice said that he thinks Bubba might be projecting a little bit on his son. Howard said he can imagine his son beating him over the head with a brick. Bubba said they do other things like play baseball. He said his son loves racing and he's told him that he can stop if he wants.
Howard said he can imagine Bubba's son asking to take up ballet and what Bubba would do. Bubba said his son isn't going to rebel. Howard asked what he'll do if he does ask to get into ballet. Bubba said that his son is a man's man and he knew it from the day he was born. He said he comes in and lifts weights with him in the gym.
Howard asked Bubba if he could accept a gay son. Bubba said ''no.'' Then he said that he would be a rugged gay son if he was gay. Howard asked if he would let his son sleep with another man in the house. Bubba said he wouldn't disown him or anything. He said that he would have to take that outside of the house.
Bubba didn't sound so happy about Howard doing the interview and not letting him do the interview. Howard asked Bubba if he would accept a son if he was making out with a guy in front of him. Bubba said Howard accepts Ralph. Howard said that's not his son though.
Howard asked Bubba some more questions about Bubba walking his son down the aisle at his wedding if he got married. Bubba wasn't answering. He was asking Fred to help him out with that. Fred said he thinks that Bubba's son is going to be just fine.
Howard said it's too bad they're not going to make it up there for their party. Bubba asked Howard to call Greenstein and work out a deal. Howard said he will put in a good word. He said it'll be a sad day if they don't sign him. Bubba said he hopes that he throws a fit. Howard said he will. He said he may knock up Heather at the party tomorrow night if they don't sign him.
Howard asked Bubba about getting a vasectomy. Bubba said he did it in the spring and it wasn't that bad. He said that it was like a bee sting down there. Bubba said that he had his guy Doctor Mark do it. Bubba said he had to sit on a bag of peas to keep it cool. Things are working just fine and now he doesn't have to worry about any babies.
Howard asked Bubba if there are any Jewish doctors down there. Bubba said he doesn't know if Jews can only use Jewish doctors. Howard said the people in New York only use Jewish doctors.
Howard and Bubba talked about circumcision and how wrong it is. Bubba said he wouldn't want his kid being made fun of. He said that's the whole reason they do it. Howard said that Fred is the one guy who isn't circumcised. Howard said there's nothing like hearing from Fred about how he has to clean that thing out.
Bubba told Howard that he's already told Heather that she can sleep with Beth and Howard if she wants to. Howard said he doesn't think he's man enough to do that. Bubba said he would be fine with it if he did.
Howard and Bubba both said that they had to let each other go. Howard said he hopes that they'll be together for another 5 years. He said he hopes they can work out a deal. Bubba said they'll save any money they get from Sirius. Howard let them go and said that was fascinating.
Howard took a call from High Register Sean who said that the show has been awesome today. He said he's excited about he new deal there. Sean said that Wee Matt was awesome too. Sean said he'd love for him to spend more time in the Artie chair there. Sean was out of breath trying to talk about all of that. He said he was freaking out after drinking too much coffee this morning. He also told John the Stutterer to go fuck himself with that shitty show of his.
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Robin started off with a story about how people are on the internet just as much as they watch TV these days. That's according to a study that was done. Robin said they also found that people over 30 are spending more time on the internet than watching TV. Howard said he plays chess about 2 hours a day these days. He said he's trying to get his parents on the internet. Robin said she got her mother a cell phone and she doesn't keep it charged or even keep it with her. Howard said his parents won't even accept a TiVo or answering machine in their house.
Robin read a story about how IBM is going to take their Watson computer and have it play Jeopardy against previous winners. Howard said he thinks that it'll lose but it's going to be very good. Robin read some more details about the competition that will happen on Valentine's day.
Robin read a story about how teens these days are smoking marijuana over cigarettes these days.
Robin read a story about Time Magazine's Man of the Year being Mark Zuckerberg. Howard tried to guess who it was before she gave that information out. Howard said that Barbara Walters picked General Patreaus. Robin said it was apparently a hard pick for them but they went with Mark Zuckerberg. Howard said that Facebook has had a huge impact on the way people communicate. Robin said that they have over half a billion people on the service. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:35am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read a story about how they found the girl who leaked the video of Miley Cyrus smoking a bong. Robin said they say she's a friend of Miley's.
Robin read about how Charlie Sheen's recent case has been closed so he won't have to worry about any jail time.
Robin said there was a guy who walked into a school board meeting down in Panama City, Florida and he started shooting. He shot up the room but missed everyone. Then he shot himself to death. Robin had some audio from the incident. They had taped the whole meeting and the guy just walked in and started shooting as one guy was saying ''Please don't...'' Robin said she's not sure if they know why the guy came in and started shooting. She had another clip where a guy asked him to tell them why he was doing that. JD came in and said that a woman tried to hit the gun out of his hands with her purse and it barely moved. JD said the tape is very weird. Robin said the guy painted a V on the floor in red paint. Howard said that's like that TV show V's logo. Howard said that's the scariest thing ever.
Robin said they may have a serial killer there in the area. She said someone has been burying bodies on the beach in Oak Beach. Robin said that they think that it's the same person putting the bodies there.
Howard said he saw that Cher may have broken up with Ron Zimmerman. Howard said they say they split over work conflicts and things didn't work out. They call Ron ''Rob'' in the article. They say Ron says that they're still best friends and still hang out. Howard said he hopes that's not true because Ron was really into her.
Robin read a story about how they cured a man of AIDS. She said he's 44 years old and he was suffering form Leukemia when he got a blood transfusion. Howard said they say he went blind and he has some other problems from the treatment. Howard said they do claim they've cured him of AIDS though. He said it does seem like pretty big news.
Robin read about a bill that will be voted on today that could do away with the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy in the military. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the Roman Catholic Church saying that they're affirming an apparition of the Virgin Mary way back in 1859 in Wisconsin. They say that she build a church on the spot where this woman saw the vision.
Robin read about the founder of the web site WikiLeaks remaining in jail in England. Swedish authorities are trying to reverse the ruling so they don't let them out. Howard said he read that they're saying he ''raped'' a woman just because he didn't wear a condom when he had sex with a woman who consented to have sex. Benjy said that one woman says that his condom broke and he sabotaged it himself. Howard said this all sounds very weird to him. He said this whole case is very wacky sounding. They talked about some of the details of the case that they knew about and talked about how odd it all is.
Robin read a story about President Obama having some conversations with Warren Buffett and Bill Gates about the economy. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the Minnesota Vikings not being able to use their stadium this week. They're going to be using another stadium since their's is being repaired after their roof collapsed.
Robin read a story about a court case where they awarded a family $71 million after a woman died from cancer. Howard said the companies are stupid for not putting warnings on the packages. Robin said they say this is the first case that says they targeted minorities.
Robin read about a good Samaritan who performed CPR on a guy who passed out from a heart attack. The guy stole the purse of the heart attack victim's wife. Howard said that is cold. He had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Larry King having the Judd's on his show last night. Larry's final shows on CNN are coming soon. Howard said that Piers has been after him big time to be on his show. Howard said he might just do it and go on his first week of shows. Howard said Piers has done his show so he should commit to it at some point. Howard said Don said maybe he should be on. Howard said he wants to do Jimmy Kimmel's show too. He said he doesn't want to fly to California though. Howard said he may dress up as Larry King when he goes on Piers' show. He said he's going to be Howard Stern the whole time but he'll look like Larry. Howard said he'll have to see.
Robin had some audio of Dan Aykroyd talking about playing Yogi Bear in the new movie. Howard asked what happened to that guy. He said he loves Dan but Yogi Bear? Howard had to cut the clips off. He couldn't take it. She had some audio of Jack Nicholson talking about his latest movie too.
Ralph called in and said that he'd love to do the Larry King thing with Howard. He can't wait to dress him up. He said they do some funny stuff on Saturday Night Live where they put giant shoulders on him. Howard seemed to like the idea.
Robin had some audio of Nicole Kidman talking about her new movie. Howard played that and then ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said they also have to talk about how Gary runs the show and Doug Goodstein just video tapes it. That incident happened in a commercial break this morning. Gary said that he has told Doug that he can't be in the studio when they're in a commercial break and he was this morning. Howard told Doug that Gary runs the show and Doug just videotapes it. Gary said he's spoken to Doug about it off the air. He thinks that Doug just thinks it's a joke. Gary said that Howard hears Doug talking when he's talking to Robin and it annoys him. He said it appears that some of the tings Howard tells people has an expiration date on it. It's like they hear this stuff and pay attention to it for like 6 months and then forget about it.
Will came in and said that Tim doesn't listen either. Gary said Tim always feels he has to be part of the game and he's like a coach. He said he'll come in during the breaks and he's not supposed to.
Gary said that Howard doesn't talk to him or Will until after guests leave. He has to wait for them to get dressed and get out of there. Will said they have to fight for Howard's attention. Gary said Will just takes it as it is. Will said that his head would explode if it didn't.
Tim said he has to be in the meetings just in case Howard has to cancel a meeting or something. Gary said he will tell Tim if they do that. Tim said it's still nice to hear about it. Gary said he's been told not to come in there. Tim said he knows that but he still likes to be in there. He tries to lay low. Gary said he does since the conversation they had about it. Tim just kind of acted strange and then left.
Gary said Tim just basically said he heard what they were saying but he's going to ignore it. Will asked Gary if it bothers him that they ignore him. Gary said that Tim is technically his boss so he's not really disrespecting him. He said that he's disrespecting Howard.
Jon moved on to talk about Lupe and Dave Lampert. He wanted to talk about how hard it was to get them up there. Will said that it was really hard but he can't blame Dave. Gary said they were having problems with Lupe not wanting to talk to Dave because he was creepy, plastic and from another time. Gary said they went in during the break and asked her to just deal with it. David Arquette wanted to go in and talk to them too. Gary said he saw the creepiest scene he's ever seen. He said that Dave was explaining to her what he was going to do and Arquette was standing in the corner watching.
Gary said that Lupe seemed to be afraid that he was going to fuck her or something. She didn't seem to understand what it was all about. Will said he thinks that she didn't want Dave Lampert touching her at all. He said she was looking for any excuse not to touch him.
Jon said that Dave was also worried that Lupe wasn't going to be serious about it and perform on the Sybian.
They also talked about how mellow Dave was today. Gary said that he was much more mellow than the first time he was on. Jon said that Dave was saying that he wanted to do 8 more and Lupe was a good sport doing the 5 that she did. Gary said Lupe was lashing out a lot today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they found it odd that Howard just signed off and didn't mention anything about coming back next year. Gary said today is Wednesday. They're back tomorrow.
The caller also asked Gary and Will if they thought hat the bit didn't live up to the hype. Gary said there's nothing that will recreate that first ride that Dave did with Raven. The caller also asked what's up with Howard's new contract and how many days he's going to do and if Artie's chair is going to be filled.
Gary said that the answer to the first one is that no one knows the details yet. He said they haven't had any discussion about filling that chair either. Gary said they haven't gotten to that stuff yet. Gary said that he, Fred and Robin are close to signing their contracts so they're just getting into all of this stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's up with Arquette and his marriage. He said he seems to be in total denial about what's going on. Gary said he had no insight into that. He said he can only go by what they heard on the air.
Benjy wondered if David would go back to Courteney if she wanted him back. Jon said that's what it sounds like he wants. Benjy seems to think that he could get them back together. He said he knows how women think and he thinks he can help. Gary said he doesn't even know what broke them up so how can he think that. Benjy said he thinks that he could get her back. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's great when Howard and Bubba's shows get together. He said he felt bad for Bubba yesterday about the whole Jacksonville board op thing. Gary said they had a guy who pushed the delay button on them and he'd get weird phone calls from listeners about things that got dumped. Gary said he figured out that they had their own guy who was dumping out of the show. Gary said he called a guy once and asked what was going on. He said the guy said they had a lawyer there at the station who was telling them what to dump out of. Jim McClure was one of those guys that used to have to do that.
Jim McClure came in and said that he used to hit the delay button in one market but he never got yelled at. He said he loved the show so much that he was always worried about it. Gary said he remembers yelling at the guy in Philly. Jim said that he was trying to be artistic with his dumps. Jim said that he was doing it in Washington DC and they were worried that the FCC was listening. He said that he might have to dump out of things that were about insertion. He said he hated dumping out of stuff he felt they shouldn't dump out of. Jim said he used to work in Philly as an intern and he saw the way they did things there. He said that they were never happy about dumping out of the show.
Gary said they had weird rules up in Canada. They have rules about how you can't say that the Holocaust didn't happen. He said you can't say anything bad about handicapped people. Gary said they used to play music over them when they'd talk to Gary the Retard. They used to do that for Daniel Carver too.
The guys talked about Bubba's show getting dumped out of and how Bubba had to argue with the guy up there. Jim said he heard Bubba's show yesterday and it was laughable that the guy up there in Jacksonville was arguing with Bubba about what he was doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that someone used to take pictures in the studio. He said Howard didn't like that. Gary said that was Doug. The caller said that's the same thing as Howard going back stage and asking for an autograph. Gary didn't get the connection. The caller was actually talking about Scott DePace taking pictures at an event and taking pictures and saying they were his. Gary said that's just not the same thing as the autograph thing.
The caller also asked where Beetlejuice has been. Gary said they have to get him back in there. They had to go to break after that.
The caller said he watched Gary's pitch on YouTube the other day and he felt like he was set up. Gary said he's over it at this point.
Ralph called in and said he missed Howard talking about him. Jon said that someone called in and said he was on Bubba's show talking about how Sam has more money than Howard. They told Ralph some of the other things Howard said about him. Ralph laughed when he heard the wife analogy. Ralph also talked about Howard banning him from his house. He said that he won't say what happened but he would talk to Howard about it off the air if he wants. Gary asked if he would apologize for it. Ralph said he did that already. He said he did it live and via email.
Ralph said he doesn't want to get into it but he kind of doesn't want to know what he did to get banned. He said he doesn't want it to seem like he's just trying to get back in his good graces. He said that he will bring it up with Howard again since he brought it up on the air.
Benjy asked if he thinks that he's really banned from going to his house. Ralph said he's said what he wants to say and that's it. He said he's not getting into it any more than that.
Jon asked Gary what you do when you're in that situation that Ralph is in. He wanted to know how you bring it up. Gary said if Ralph said he was sorry already then that's all he can do. He said if that's what happened then you just wait for time to go by and maybe in 3 or 4 summers he'll let him come back to the house.
Jon let Ralph go and took another call. The caller asked Gary about how Howard has gotten mad at him for contacting people outside of the show. He wondered why it's okay for Ralph to latch on to Sam Simon. He said he's just a stylist. Gary said he's not in there every day and maybe it's seen as something different. Gary said that everyone there is held to a different standard. Gary said that's the way it is at any job.
The caller said that if it wasn't for Howard then Ralph wouldn't even know Sam Simon. Gary said he really can't answer that.
Benjy asked Gary if he would have a problem hanging out with Sam like Ralph does. Gary said that it depends on the situation really.
Jon brought up how Lisa G had asked David to go to the holiday party with her. Gary must have missed that part of the show. He had no idea that she had asked. The subject was kind of dropped after Lisa asked David to go. They talked about how it probably wouldn't work out anyway.
Benjy wondered if Lisa would end up ''showing David her violin... and by violin I mean violin.'' Gary said that he once had something lie that happen to him. He said May Pang brought him back up to her apartment and he thought he was going to get laid. It turns out that she just wanted to play him some music. Benjy said he had a girl ask him to come back to her place and fix her stereo. He said she really wanted him to fix her stereo.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jon was on an entertainment show last night walking around behind Gary and Howard at the McCartney concert. Gary said that they mentioned his book on FOX the next morning 3 times. He said that red carpet was good for his book. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking to Robin about the card she just opened up. It was a Christmas card with Howard and Beth as John and Yoko. Howard said it's not his body in that picture. Robin was laughing at how funny it looked. Robin said everyone should get that card.
Howard said some people got a conservative card with their 3 pets and others got this card. He said his parents got the other card. Howard said that they'd be concerned thinking that he was naked. Howard said he asked David Arquette if he was having a breakdown and he said he was but he thinks he was joking. Howard said David said they were already going with that in the news. Everyone was picking up on that story and saying he's having a mental breakdown.
Howard played a clip of The Insider talking about his nervous breakdown and making it out like he was actually having one. They played some outtake's from the interview where David was talking about all of this and they made it sound really dramatic even though it was kind of joking during the actual interview.
Howard said they had some really dramatic music playing too. He said it was like Darth Vader music. Howard said that guys end up going berserk when they divorce and they try to get girls. Howard said that women are very rational and they take time to do things instead of going out and getting laid. Howard said this is normal behavior. Howard said David is acting like any other guy would.
Howard said that Entertainment Tonight also went after David. Howard played that clip where Mario Lopez was talking about this meltdown. Howard and Robin pointed out that this is a guy who cheated on his honeymoon. Howard figured he was just reading a script though.
Howard played an ABC News clip where they just recapped the segment. They didn't play any audio. They talked about what David talked about during the interview and quoted some of what David said. Howard pointed out that they spent a lot of time on this and not so much on what's going on in North and South Korea.
Howard said he spoke to David last night and he knew that he was going to catch shit over this. Howard said he thought the interview went great and he feels bad about this. He said the guy is a sweetheart. He said he hopes they don't drag this out too much.
Howard said that this article in the NY Times was laughable. He said that the government really thinks that people are idiotic. He said he doesn't believe anything they say anymore and when you read this Wikileaks stuff you realize just how much bullshit the government is covering up.
Howard asked Courteney Cox to take David back already. He said that if she yells at him enough then she could turn him into a man. Howard said she should just take him back. Everyone has had their fun already and she's better off with him. Howard said she could be with some douche instead of some guy that really cares about her. Howard said he thinks that Courteney should do that because David isn't handling the whole thing very well.
Howard read more of this nuclear bomb article and they talk about how it's virtually impossible for a nuclear bomb to go off in Manhattan. Robin said that they knocked down two buildings with two airplanes so it is possible.
Howard said he also read an article in the NY Times about how heterosexuals in France are using the Civil Union instead of having a regular marriage. They think it's quicker and it takes care of all of their needs. Howard said that it covers everything that they need but there is no religious connotation in it. Howard said that a lot of people are doing it that way over there. He said that the gay people over there are telling them to get the fuck out. He said that marriage is cutting down more and more because of this. It was supposed to be for gay couples but everyone is using it.
Howard said that some people are using this to test it out before getting married. Howard said there are no negatives when you do this. He said that it's easier to untie than a regular marriage. Howard said they can split things up much easier than when you're married.
Howard said that he heard that they were going to have a meeting. Howard said he told Scott how important they are. Fred said that it didn't sound like they were that important. He said that Scott looked at him and said he wasn't on the list at all. Fred said that was kind of insulting. Robin said she was laughing and it had nothing to do with how they were treated back stage. Scott claimed that he panicked. She said that he was saying that he was under a lot of pressure that night. Howard said he understands that.
Howard said he was talking to his daughter and she was telling him that she has a song stuck in her head from the McCartney concert. Howard said he thought he had the song to play there. He wanted to find it quickly but the way they listed them made it kind of hard to find.
Howard said that the one song that was in his head was ''Let Me Roll'' which he played after talking about it. Howard found the riff that he liked in that song and he heard from Patty Smythe about the guy who plays with Paul. Howard said that they were really good. Howard said that they can do everything too. He wondered what they pay those guys. He said that the music seems to come out so organically too. Howard said he enjoys music so much and he doesn't understand it. He said he can't read music. Robin said you either get it or you don't.
Howard said he was into this other old song ''And I Love Her'' because he was listening to the lyrics and thinking about what he sings about. He talked about some of the lyrics and talked about how great they were. Howard said he thinks that Paul really loved Linda. Robin said of course he did. Howard said those lyrics were really powerful. He said they really stuck with him. Howard played some of ''And I Love Her'' after that.
Howard said you have to be a real man to get up there and sing that song. He said guys are thinking about fucking a chick when they talk about that. Women are thinking about actual love.
Howard said the other song going through his head was ''Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Five.'' He played some of that song too. He said that song goes through his head a lot.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about getting snubbed by Paul. He said that he also said that the sculpture that's on Robin's desk is made by his friend David Kuano. Robin said she loves looking at that every day.
The caller said that he thinks it really sucks that Paul snubbed him like he did. He said it's really kind of embarrassing. Howard said his daughter asked him yesterday what he makes of it all. Howard said he gave it a shot and it was a little weird. He said he wanted to come through for her but it didn't work out. He said he used it to show that he's a good dad and that he can take it when people do say ''no'' to him.
Howard said that McCartney did kind of handle him. The caller thinks that there's some kind of animosity there and he might be holding something against him for basically saying that he told him so about his marriage. Howard said he can't imagine that's the case.
Howard said Paul did take a picture with him and his daughter and he has nothing against the guy. Howard said maybe he does have a problem signing autographs and he didn't want to do it that night. Howard said he did feel like a shithead that night but that's something he has to deal with.
Howard said he might be kind of puffed up about the radio show but he's just a guy like anyone else. People are going to say no to him. He said he just wishes he didn't feel like such a shithead.
Robin said that Paul was taking pictures with a lot of people and maybe he didn't want to get into both pictures and autographs. Howard said he just felt like an asshole that night. Robin said he didn't have to feel that way. Sometimes people say no and it doesn't have anything to do with him.
Howard played some song parodies about the whole autograph thing. He had a song from Little Mikey and Psych.
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Howard played the clip of Denise talking about this guy she's going out with. She said she has a friend that she has fun with. He has sex with her. She's not romantically involved. She just has sex.
After playing that clip Howard said he had more to play. He said that when he reveals who this guy is, it's going to piss people off because he gets so many chicks. Howard played more of Denise talking about this guy and what she does with him when she meets him at the hotel. She gave Howard a lot of details about what they do when they meet up.
After that clip Howard said that this woman from Us Magazine told Beth about who this guy was since they wrote it up in their magazine. Howard said that most people won't even know who this guy is. He said his audience will know though. Howard said it turns out to be Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue. Howard said that's what they claim in Us Magazine. Robin said that she can't believe that.
Howard said it bothers him because those guys get so much pussy. Howard said that's some life that guy is having. Howard said he was never a big Motley Crue guy but wow. He said that Nikki Sixx is the guy. He said he must have a lot of time to do stuff like that. Howard said the guy must pinch himself every day. Robin said she would faint if he was naked in a room in front of her. She said she does like that guy. She said that's the Motley Crue guy she'd go with.
Sal came in and told a story about Nikki because he had read his book. He said that Nikki ended up shoving a phone into the pussy of one girl who was talking to her mom. This girl was talking to her mom while her phone was in the other girl's pussy.
Howard said some guys have all the luck. Sal said he can't even get a finger in a girl's pussy and this guy is shoving phones in them. Howard said that he thought it was going to be Richie Sambora. Robin said that's what a lot of people thought.
Gary came in and told some stories about Nikki. He said he once told a story on the show about how he and Tommy Lee had a competition to see how long they could go without showering and still get chicks. Nikki won by going 17 days. They spent a minute on that but Howard said he had to take a break. They have Tom Arnold calling in and they have Train coming in to perform some stuff. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that is a great song. He said that's their old friends Green Day. Howard sang along to the song a little bit. Howard said they used to hang with them but he thinks they've been dumped by them. He said that's good stuff though. Robin said it's a shame.
Howard said Scott DePace gave him a card instead of mailing it to him. Scott said he does that so he doesn't have to get his address. Gary said Scott could hand it to him to give it to Howard. Howard said that he could send him the card in the mail or give it to Gary. He said everyone wants access.
Howard opened the card and it was a picture of his dog Cookie. Howard thought it was his dog Duke that had died. Scott's dog died at 10. Robin said the dog wanted to go and it had to get out. Scott said there were no signs that the dog was going to die.
Howard asked if he gave the dog a good beating for knocking the Christmas tree over. Scott jokingly said he did. Scott said the dog pulls things off the tree wanting them to chase her. He said that he doesn't know what to do anymore. Robin said it's like ''Marley and Me.'' Howard said he had his dog trained so it wouldn't do stuff like that. He said it's not that hard.
Scott said that the dog is confused now and just saying ''no'' doesn't work. Howard said it would work if they trained her right. Scott said it's thanks to them that he stopped smacking her ass.
Tom said that he was afraid that the moonshine might be dangerous. Tom said that he was bad and he shouldn't have done that.
Tom said that he hasn't had a drink in over 20 years but he did take some pain pills for his back and that's where he went wrong. He said that he was self medicating. Howard asked what pills he was taking. He said they were like Vikodin and Norco. He said he had his sponsor come with him to the doctor to make sure he was okay.
Howard asked Tom about having emergency colon surgery. Tom said he also hurt his back on his motorcycle. Howard asked if he's embarrassed to say he perforated his colon. Tom said he was proud that he did that. He said he was kidding about that. Howard said he heard that it was from excessive enemas. Tom said that the pain meds can do that to your colon.
Howard asked Tom if he was going berserk with the pain killers. Tom said it didn't take as much as you'd think. He said he took 8 total the first time then it went up after that. Tom said that he was going months at a time without taking anything. He said he should have known better than to do that.
Howard asked Tom about how he would use the pain killers. Tom said that he'd take some at night and then the next morning he'd go to the doctor to get x-rays. He said he would tell people that he was in pain and get more.
Howard asked if he was on the pain meds at the Kimmel party. Tom didn't think he was on them. Howard asked what happened with his colon. Tom said that it starts to leak inside your body and your body become septic. He said he's not a scientist and he doesn't know exactly what happens. Robin explained it and said that it kind of leaks out inside your body. Howard figured he had doody leaking inside.
Tom said he knows how horrible what he did was. He said that he may have been lecturing people at the party but his heart was in the right place.
Howard asked about the colon thing and how he got himself into the Betty Ford Clinic. Howard said Lindsay Lohan was in there with him. Tom said he had started to see a counselor before that. Tom said he was working with a few people over it and he had already kind of admitted he was doing them. Then he went to Betty Ford because he was familiar with it. He had just taken a kid down there.
Howard asked about the Vikodin and what it did for him because he had it once. He said his friend wanted to mix that with wine so he tried it and it didn't do anything. Robin said she was on Vikodin and they had to up her to Oxy because it wasn't doing anything. Robin said the pain from this root canal was so bad that she was trying all of that and wine. She said that when she stopped taking it she had withdrawal symptoms. Robin said she's obviously not an addict because she didn't want to do anymore drugs.
Howard asked Tom how many he was doing a day. Tom said it was up to 10. He said you don't feel numb so that's the scary part. He said you walk around numb and not feeling anything. He said that he had to stop doing it.
Howard said Tom always gets into weird situations. He said that he doesn't just go to rehab and take care of himself. He said he somehow got involved with this Jason Davis. He was invited to go to an intervention for this kid. Tom ended up threatening the kid with a baseball bat to go to rehab. Tom said that some people can get really scary when you take their drugs away. Howard said the guy is now suing Tom. Howard said he helped get him into rehab and now the guy is suing him. Tom said that he was saved when he had people talk to him like that.
Howard asked Tom if he tries to scare them straight. Tom said you have to worry about them having a gun. He said when you do the intervention you have just a short time to react. He said you run in to knock out some windows and stuff and then you grab the guy and bring them to rehab. Robin said it sounds like a kidnapping. Tom said that's right. He said they get permission from everyone before doing that though.
Howard asked Tom why he wants that responsibility for doing stuff like that. Tom said it must be his ego. Howard asked if he's angry with this kid who is suing him. Tom said he can do what he wants. He said that addicts do crazy things.
Tom said that his manager wanted to do a reality show called ''What the fuck is Tom Arnold doing in my house.'' He said one guy actually said that once. Howard said that would be a great reality show. He's up to marriage number 4. Tom said this woman saved his life.
Howard said Tom was on the show once and had his wife sitting in his lap. Tom told them that this was ''the one'' that was going to last for life. Howard asked if he would ever do a realty show. Tom said he doesn't know. He said it would have to be something special. Howard said that Tom might not even be done yet with marriage. Tom said he thinks that he is even though he's said that twice as many times as Howard has.
Howard asked if he signed a pre-nup. Tom said he never does. Howard asked if he's bankrupt at this point. Tom said he isn't yet. He said this marriage is it though. He said his third wife sent a lawyer into the hospital when he was in there with the colon problem. Howard said he heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was telling him that sex was very important in a marriage. Tom said that he was just telling him that because people forget about that in marriage. Howard asked if he goes to his wife and does something about it. Tom said he did. He said he told his wife that he didn't want to forget about sex and asked to do it right then. Tom said he's been married for just over a year now. He said it's good when you don't have a wrap around your midsection from your colon exploding. He said that's all fixed now.
Tom said he's trying to get his wife pregnant. He said he can't quit. He said that his sperm is getting better and getting off the medication should help. Howard asked how long he's been trying to get her pregnant. He said that's been going on for a year. Howard asked if he still masturbates. Tom said he does. Howard asked who he thinks about. Robin blurted out ''Roseanne.'' Tom asked if she was serious. Howard said his mind must go to her at times. Tom said it doesn't go to her or to the holocaust.
Howard said he just masturbated last night. He said Beth wasn't around so he went on YouPorn and discovered Little Caprice. Howard said they claim she's just 18 but he's sure she's older. Howard said he checked her out and now she's his favorite. Howard said she was with this guy who looked like he was from the holocaust. Howard told Tom to check that site out for porn.
Tom said he has a New Year's Eve special coming out. Howard said he'd get to that. He gave him a plug for that special which is on Showtime on New Year's Eve.
Howard got back to Tom and his rehab. Tom said that all he's going to say about Lindsay is that she's doing better. He said there are a lot of young people in there that he's concerned with. Howard asked if he tries to get a relationship going with her. Tom said that he didn't but she's very beautiful. He said they don't even allow jerking off in rehab. Tom said that he had enough issues and he didn't need to be doing that too. Tom said rehab is a weird place where people are scared for their lives. He said they team up and try to help each other. Tom said they stay in touch after it too.
Howard asked Tom what his favorite outfit was that Lindsay wore. Tom said he really doesn't remember. He said he doesn't know anything about outfits. Howard said she's as crazy as a bedbug and that has to be hot. Tom said he can only say that she's great and the last she needs is someone talking about her on the air. Tom said between him and Howard, she's doing great.
Howard asked Tom to call him up next time he's in rehab so he can go in there too. Howard said he might have a wine drinking problem that he has to get taken care of. He drinks two glasses a night.
Howard said Tom is wild. He goes into people's houses and drags them off to rehab. Tom said he doesn't even know these people that he drags off. He said they just know he'll do it so they call him up and ask him to go. Howard said he's like a vigilante. Tom said his wife thinks it's insane. Howard said it is. Howard asked about this Jason Davis kid and how he got him out of the house. Tom said he had to pick him up and carry him out of the house. Howard said this is a great reality show concept. Howard asked what he does when he bursts into these people's houses. Tom yelled and did some of the lines he would say to these people. Howard said that's wild.
Tom got in some plugs for another show he's doing on December 30th in Maui. He said he's doing that at the Maui Theater with Brian Evans. He said it's a stand-up show. He said they have a bunch of people there like Cheech and William Shatner.
Howard said Tom got a tattoo on his leg after seeing the Tiananmen Square thing. He said he thought he got a Chinese character that said ''love of mankind'' but it was actually ''Man Love.'' Tom said that Jet Li told him about that. He said he showed it to him and he told him that it's not just gay, it's super gay.
Howard asked if Tom is friends with Charlie Sheen. Tom said he lives near him. Howard said they might have to invade his house and take him out. Howard said Tom is a big defender of Charlie. Tom said he needs to get his shit together but he has defended him because he's a nice guy. He said when people are nice to him he'll say that they're nice. He doesn't want the guy to die.
Tom told Howard that he showed these kids the scar on his stomach to scare the shit out of them. He said his stomach looks like he was shot a few times. He said they had to open him up to fix him.
Howard asked Tom if he fucked Janice Dickinson. Tom said he didn't. She told a story about how they did but he said she was just making that up.
Howard asked Tom if he showed Lindsay Lohan his stomach. Tom said he did that with all of the young kids in rehab. He said that he told them that if they kept doing the drugs then this could happen to them too.
Howard said he loves Tom. He told him that and said that there are things that he's not even telling them. Howard said he'd bet that he wanted to fuck Lindsay in rehab. Tom said he didn't but he flirted with some of the girls in rehab.
Howard gave Tom some plugs for his ''That's My Story and I'm sticking To It'' comedy special that's on Showtime December 31st. Tom said he got Howard's Christmas card and his wife didn't know it was John Lennon and Yoko. He said his wife is too young to know who they are. Howard said they did that for their friends. Howard said he could talk all day about this. He said that he's not even sure what they learned. He said he has so many questions about how he told his wife and all of that.
Howard asked Tom how he figured out his colon was perforated. Tom said that he was in a coma and his wife had to figure out if she was being bullshitted about what was really going on.
Howard said when Tom was with Roseanne he got into a fight with a paparazzi. He said that Roseanne was called to the stand and Tom thought Roseanne was going to testify on his part. She got up and said that she really didn't see anything. Tom ended up going to jail for that. Tom said he was on the side of the road in an orange jumpsuit picking up trash.
Howard asked Tom if he went home and asked Roseanne why she didn't remember. Tom said that she was going through her multiple personalities so that might have been part of it. Tom said that was a real betrayal though.
Howard said Tom has some life. He said it was something else when they were at Jimmy's party talking. Howard said he realized that Tom is nuts when he was there. Howard gave Tom some more plugs and asked if he's going to be in any more movies. Tom said he's going to be in a few and he's going to do another one with Arnold. He said that they have something in the works and it's kind of wishful thinking too.
Howard asked if Tom is happy that he's doing better than Roseanne. Tom said he's not sure that he is. He asked if her colon is still intact. Tom had mentioned that one of his buddies is Sharon Stone so Robin asked how weird that must be to say. Tom said he has some really good buddies like that. He's friends with Jamie Lee Curtis too. Howard said that he's looking forward to this stand-up special that Tom is doing. He gave him some more plugs and let Tom go a short time later.
Robin said that Tom was saying that Sharon has a good sense of humor but she also made them walk Howard past the trash at Letterman when she didn't want to be near him. Howard said that's some sense of humor. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about Amy Winehouse and how she must have to sing that song in 14 different ways. He said he heard she performs it in a bunch of different languages.
Howard said he got into Nick Lachey's new show ''The Sing Off.'' Howard said he got tired and ended up recording it on his TiVo. Howard said that he was kind of liking what he was hearing on that show.
Howard said that he had a new phony phone call that Sal and Richard made. He said they took Sal's crying from Monday and made some calls. This is the second one in a series. Howard played one the other day so he replayed that one. In that call Sal is crying to a woman about losing his job and the woman has no connection to this deli that they think she works for. They had Sal crying and wondering what he's going to do with his life.
Howard wondered what organization she was telling Sal to call. He said that a lot of people might need to know so they can get help.
Howard got to the second call which was Sal crying to Gary the Retard. Howard said it's good because Gary makes a lot of sense in this. Howard played that call and Richard calls Gary who didn't know that he had re-signed. Howard said he's Gary the Retard so he has an excuse. In the call Gary asked Richard if Howard re-signed. Richard said it didn't look like he was. Richard then told Gary that Sal was upset about it so he wanted him to talk to him. They played Sal's crying clips and Gary told him to go out and find a job. They had Sal telling Gary that he loved him and Gary said he loved him too. Gary told him that he didn't fuck up, it was Howard that fucked up. Gary blamed Howard for fucking up the whole thing. Gary was coughing like crazy during the call. Gary told Sal that he just has to move on and that's what he did.
Howard said Gary is making a lot of sense. He said he's really good with that. Howard played more of the clip and Gary was telling Sal it was going to be alright. They kept playing Sal's crying for Gary and Gary told him he'd always be there for him. Then he told Sal to quit crying or he'd hang up. He yelled at him to stop but he didn't so Gary just hung up.
Howard said he was trying to watch Beck the other day and he's getting to be like Martha Stewart a little bit. He said he was doing his holiday show and he was doing his favorite things. He said he was talking about what to give people as gifts and things like that. Howard said he started looking into what he does with his family and it's really weird. Howard played a clip of Glenn saying that they're getting their family food storage. Howard said that's weird. Robin said she wouldn't be excited about that.
Howard said that it's this weird thing going on with survivalists. He said it's like a bank where you put food and then you go there to get it when there's an apocalypse. Howard said he thinks that the guy is trying to appeal to tea partiers. Robin said he's trying to appeal to retarded people.
Howard said the audience there looks weird and they're like church people or something. Howard said he thinks the guy is cracking up. Howard played more of the clip and Glenn said that food storage is the best gift you can give this year. He said that with inflation coming that's what people are going to need. He also suggested that they give a backpack full of survival stuff.
Howard said he doesn't understand this. He said if you give food to a food bank, who is going to hold out and wait for people to come and take their food. He said he would just take the food and bring it to his own family.
Gary said that Glenn has a sponsor on his web site that does this food storage thing so that's why he's doing this. Howard read about that food insurance thing that's on his web site. Gary said it's clearly that. Howard said the guy is a dick head. He said that he was a morning zoo keeper for years and now he's grabbing everything. Robin said that saying you care about people and then it turns out to be his sponsor just shows he's a piece of dog crap.
Howard clicked on the link on Beck's web site where they talk about this food insurance. Howard said that you have to pay for it starting at $199. Howard didn't get what it was even about. Gary said he figured it out. Gary told Howard that it's a backpack with 2 weeks worth of food in it. Robin said she'd pack it herself if she wanted that. She could do it cheaper than that. Howard said that they say you can dine on lasagna and other great foods after the apocalypse.
JD said that there's another web site that Beck promotes where you can sell junk. He said that Beck is always saying that people have too much stuff so they can sell it on this web site and it turns out it's a sponsor.
Howard said you can judge how bad he's doing just by the sponsors he has. Howard said that Rush Limbaugh doesn't even have sponsors like that. Howard said this food insurance thing is the last thing you'll be worried about after the apocalypse. He said the nuclear fallout is going to kill you anyway. Gary said he doesn't understand why the food isn't affected. Howard said it's sealed.
Gary said a year's worth of food is over 9,000 bucks. Howard said that place isn't going to be around after a nuclear attack. Howard did an impression of a guy going and asking for some Chicken Teryaki at this place after the attacks.
Howard said the best thing was that article in the NY Times where Obama's administration is telling people they can survive a nuclear attack. He goofed on that for a minute and said they had to get to Train. Howard said they were supposed to be in for his last show there but he's signed on for another 5 years. Howard said he has one show... and 5 more years left now. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had the band Train in the studio. He introduced Pat who he's known for a few years now. Pat said they were there back at K-Rock in 2001. He said that their bass player at the time was Charlie Colin and Howard called him Colon. Pat said they love Pat but he left the band. He said he's tough and he had some problems that they weren't able to work with. Howard asked if he's bummed out now. One of the other guys in the band said that he's doing okay.
Howard said they have Hector and Jerry there and they're not in the main band. Howard asked them if they think they should be in. Howard said maybe they should be voted in. Howard asked what their titles are. Pat said they're like session musicians. Hector said that he feels like they are a part of the band because they play together so much. Pat told him that he's not and he should keep that straight. He said that in a joking way. Pat said that they just want to play together and eventually that may happen.
Howard asked the guys if they're in the sessions when they record. Pat said they're not there all the time. He said that the last record was written without them but they have been around lately during the new album.
Howard said a rock and roll career can be very dangerous. He said that they had some hits and then they came close to breaking up. Pat said they did take a break for a while. They weren't sure if it was going to be forever or not. Howard said Pat went off and did his own thing. He asked the guys if they thought it was the end. They said that it could have been the end if Pat's solo record had made it big.
Howard said they got together and did this new album and the record company must not have been for it. Pat said they were close to being dropped as far as he knows. They did stick with them though. Howard asked Pat if he was scared about what was going to happen. Pat said he was. He said he didn't know if he belonged there anymore and if he should just open a restaurant and disappear.
Howard said he used to talk about how great they are and how people would tell him that they were over. Howard said that people said they could never write another hit song. Howard said he didn't believe that himself. Howard said he knew they could do it.
Howard said that these were record business guys who were saying they were done. Howard said they had this hit ''Hey Soul Sister'' that was the number one most downloaded on iTunes. Pat said that Howard plays a big role in all of this so they wanted to give him something to show that. Howard said this was going to be their last show there if he hadn't signed a new contract. Pat said they were just talking to people last week who said this was the end of Howard and he'd never have another contract.
Howard talked to Pat about this song becoming really huge. Pat said that their management company gets credit for that. He said that the company made a big difference with them. He said they played them about 80 songs and they picked 8 out of that and they knew that ''Hey Soul Sister'' was the one. He said they quietly made this thing happen with that song. Howard asked how they made it a hit. Pat said they have a good reputation on this Hot Adult Contemporary so that's where they started.
Howard asked how long it was out before it caught on. Pat said that the Hot AC thing doesn't sell a lot but they sold a million downloads without being on pop radio. He said that iTunes is a good indicator for those kind of things. Howard said that it's also killed the music industry. Howard asked how many downloads they had with that song this year. Pat said it's close to 5 million downloads.
Howard asked Pat about how they make money. Pat said they have to go out and tour. Howard said it's a nightmare. Robin said it became the bed of a commercial too. Pat said it did. He said that he's just paying his debt back at this point and trying to get back to zero right now.
Pat said they have a gold album and no one would have ever counted them as doing that. He said that it could go even further. He said they have a third track out and it's doing incredibly well. That song is ''Marry Me.'' That's off of their album ''Save Me, San Francisco.''
Howard asked Pat about the marriage and how that's going. Pat said it's going great. The guys in the band agreed because he's been much happier since he got marred to this girl. Howard asked if they need him to fall in love and break up so he can be more creative. Pat said he hasn't seen his wife in about 2 and a half weeks now. He said that she's very supportive of what he does. She tells him to just be great out there and just come home to her when he's done. Pat said they're going home on Saturday so he'll get to see her and know her again then.
Howard asked about all of the women that must be coming up to him now. The other guys said they don't see anything going on and if he is doing something, he's keeping it a secret. Howard said he doesn't believe that he's not doing anything. Pat said that it's just not what he does. Howard asked if he masturbates a lot. Pat said he dos have a web site he goes to. He said that he also Skypes with his wife. He said that they do what they can on that but it's hard with the baby around.
Howard said that the band was everywhere this year. He said he tuned into Dancing with the Stars and they were there. He said he was trying to watch them and there were people dancing around. Howard said that must have been weird. Pat said it's all been weird.
Pat said that Jimmy may have hooked up with one of the dancers on Dancing with the Stars. Howard asked what happened. Jimmy said that it wasn't one of the contestants. He said that it was one of the professionals. Howard tried to get details out of Jimmy but he wasn't giving up much. He didn't say who it was but he did say that they're still friends. Howard said that the chick must have a great body. Jimmy said that he dated one of the girls in the Cirque du Soleil girls in the O show. Howard asked Jimmy how he hooked up with the dancer. Jimmy said he didn't even remember meeting her. He said he got a call from her after the show. Howard said being in a band is the best. He said you get to bang all kinds of girls. He said if he could smell his penis he'd know where it was. The guys told Howard that he doesn't want to smell that.
Howard asked Scott if he's married. Scott said he's divorcing actually. Howard said he must have done that after the song hit big. Scott said he knew Howard would say that.
Howard asked Jimmy if he was bragging to the guys about getting that girl. Jimmy said he did tell the guys that he got a call. Howard asked if they did anything or did they go right back to the hotel. Jimmy said they went right back to the hotel. Howard asked if he calls Pat and laughs at him for getting married. Jimmy said he doesn't do that. Robin asked what goes on there and if it just starts. Jimmy didn't really say. He said that she's got a great body. He said she's a little foreign too. Howard asked if he's falling in love. Jimmy said he isn't. They asked him if he got behind her and fucked her. Jimmy said he didn't do that on the first night. The other guys said that they don't know how Jimmy gets the girls to do what they do. They said that he's really dirty. Pat said he's heard stories about him opening the door with an erection. Howard said he can't believe he banged one of the dancers on Dancing with the Stars. He said he's the man. He thought Pat was the man but Jimmy is the man. Pat said he's psyched for Jimmy.
Howard said that Jimmy has even had anal with this girl. Jimmy didn't know what to say. Howard asked the guys if they've seen his penis. Pat said he hasn't but he has heard him bragging about it. Howard said that Pat's love for his wife got Jimmy anal in a strange way. Howard asked if this chick is hot enough to be his wife. Jimmy said she's great and he's met a lot of great girls but he hasn't found ''the one'' yet.
Howard asked if he has broken up with her. Jimmy said he doesn't officially date them. He said they're out on the road and it doesn't work. Pat said he's really nice to girls and that helps. Jimmy said he may not have any dates after this show. Howard said he'll be fine.
Howard asked the guys about doing the New Year's Rockin' Eve thing. Pat said that they have a lot of firsts this year. They did a lot of that kind of stuff this year.
Howard said he's really happy for the guys. He said that he's really happy for Jimmy getting that dancer. Howard said this is a whole different thing. Howard asked how the Cirque du Soleil girl was. Jimmy said she had a swimmer's body and she was great. He said he would like to meet Marissa Tomei. That's the kind of girl he'd like to settle down with.
Howard asked the guys about the ''If It's Love'' song and what that's about. Pat said the song is about the fans who have followed them around all this time. They said it was for Howard too. Howard had then play the song after that.
After the song Howard asked how long it takes to write that song. Pat said he actually wrote it the same day he wrote ''Hey Soul Sister.'' Robin said that the songs he's writing seem different than the older stuff. Pat said it's more positive now.
Howard asked Pat about the way they work out the arrangement of the song and why Hector will sing sometimes and then Jimmy will sing. Pat said the guys all work that out themselves. Howard had them do a little more of that for him. They did that and Howard said it was beautiful. Howard said he wishes he could find someone to do that with himself.
Pat told Howard that he got to work with Graham Nash recently. Howard asked if he would work with them. Pat said they can't even play Led Zeppelin in their concerts because their audience is so young now that they don't know who they are. The kids just don't seem to care about that music.
Howard asked the guys if they're working on another record. Pat said they are. He said that he'd like to make an album like INXS's kick so they can go global like they did. Pat said they're going to be touring with Shakira and it's just a weird, big thing that they're going through. Pat said he thinks that he's doing really good right now and he only has 6 more alimony payments before he's done. He said this is going to be the best part of his life. He said he'll start making money after that.
Howard said their song ''Hey Soul Sister'' was a number one song in 16 countries. Pat said they had a plaque for him as a gift. Howard got it and said he was going to hang it in his apartment. They have one coming for Robin too. He said they gave one to Gary and one to Howard. He said they had others they had to give one to first. Howard said he was very happy about that.
Pat told Howard that if they win a Grammy this year Howard can count on hearing his name. Howard said that's news. Pat said that Howard helped them out when they were starting out. Howard was behind them all the way. Howard said he couldn't be happier for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife loves them to death. He said he had just seen them in Columbus, Ohio and they were great. Howard said the call wasn't going anywhere.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they basically suck. Howard said the jealousy must come out now that they're so big.
Howard asked about touring with John Mayer and if he had a lot of chicks. Pat said John was very careful about that this time. He said he spoke to him about that and John hadn't been with a woman in over a year. Howard asked Jimmy if he eats ass. Jimmy didn't want to get into that. Howard said he must have.
Howard said he's really happy for the guys. He said that they have this new single ''Marry Me'' out now. He played some of that.
After the song Howard asked if this was their new single. Pat said it is. They're going to perform this one and a couple of others for the New Year's Rockin' Eve show. They had already taped the show. Howard wondered if they were supposed to say that. Pat said they probably weren't. He said that they're going to be doing it live. Howard thought they were going to be there with Dick Clark and he did his impression of Dick for the guys.
Howard asked about being on The Bachelor. They played at the Hollywood Bowl for two people. He said the guy was really awkward dancing there. Howard thanked the guys for the performance and for the stories about the fucking the dancer. Howard said this was a great appearance. Howard told them to go out and fuck some more girls so they have more stories to tell next time they're in. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thinks that one of the guys in that band is a judge on American Idol. Robin said he's right.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone. Mike said he has an article about Steven Tyler n American Idol and they love him over there. They like that he's kind of like Paula Abdul. Howard asked if that's the fake story. Mike said they hadn't started the game yet. Howard said it's an interesting career choice for Steven. He said that the guy is brilliant.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Gary asked KC if he really thinks that this chick rubbed on his back with her vagina. Howard asked if he fingered his asshole. KC said she was rubbing his ass but he didn't finger his asshole.
KC said he didn't feel anything so he doesn't know what the Tranny was doing. Howard said he can't wait to meet this person. He asked when he's coming in. Gary said they're going to call and set that all up today. Howard said they have to make it happen in January. Robin said she re-signed just for this.
Howard asked KC if anything else is going to come out. KC said that she took him to the airport and he was very sad and he had a couple of tears. He cried. Howard asked if he was upset he was leaving him. KC said he just cried. Howard and Fred did their Herman Munster impressions of the Tranny talking to KC. KC said it was just a very emotional thing that he was leaving. He didn't even kiss her goodbye.
Ralph called in and said he can't wait for this. Howard said KC had to have gotten a hand job at least. KC said he didn't. Howard said that he's never had a girl dry hump him before. He asked KC how long the Tranny did that. KC said it was just a couple of seconds. He said it might have been a minute or minute and a half.
Ralph said he thinks there's something more to this story. He said that you don't disclose this if there wasn't more to it. Howard said he thinks the guy came. KC said she didn't. Howard kept telling KC that it was a ''he'' and not a ''she.''
Howard played some of Richard's new song parodies about KC. Howard asked KC if the Tranny was kissing his back while he was laying on him. KC said she probably was. Howard and the guys were all cracking up. KC said he thought she was a chick. KC said he didn't feel anything back there so he had no idea she had a cock at the time. Howard said he must have known.
Ralph asked if he can come in when this guy comes in. He said he wants to see what she looks like. He said you can sometimes tell right away. Ralph said he doesn't think this one will be passable as a chick. KC said that he dares them to see her from the waist down. Robin said that he saw his face though so that's not a fair judgment.
KC said he took a picture so this thing, this girl, whatever it was... and he looked at it and asked himself what the fuck he was thinking. KC said he swears he didn't know. Robin thinks that he was in a state of denial.
Howard asked KC if he feels excited about all of this. KC said he's not at all. Howard asked if he thinks aback to it and how wild and fun it was. KC said he doesn't think that at all. He said he didn't get off on it at all. Howard asked if he was Asian. KC said that she was Philippino. Howard said she probably looks like Mr. Myogi. Fred did more of his Herman Munster and had him saying ''Wax On Wax Off.'' The guys were all laughing at KC. Howard asked what day he's coming in. KC said he hopes to shoot himself before he gets in there. He said he's just joking about that. KC said he'll wait until after the show to do that.
KC wished them happy holidays and got in a plug for this stuff that will make your butt bigger. You can check that out at BBBFormula.com
Howard let KC go and talked to Ralph about what's going on there. Ralph said that he just got out of jail when that happened, right? Howard said he had just gotten out. Ralph said that he may have just being blocking everything out and wasn't paying attention. Howard said that KC has to have some gay tendencies because he went to a gay photographer who shaved him down and photographed him nude. Howard said he also got pulled over for looking for male prostitutes once. Will said he spoke to the Tranny and something goes off in your head as soon as you hear her voice. He said that he had to have known something was up.
They played a few of Richard's song parodies that were recorded like 15 years ago. Howard said that they're really funny that they're all about KC being gay. They played another gay one from a fan of the show. Howard said they could do that all morning long.
Ralph thinks that KC likes girls. Howard said he does too. He said he's holding his judgment until he sees this Tranny. He said they have to check it all out.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and Howard said ''Beth.'' Mariann told Howard how great the past 5 years have been. She said that KC was so hot and sexy but he was never all that bright. She said that his brain might not be working very well when it comes to that kind of thing.
Steve said they have a story about Gary doing an interview and the host goofing on Gary before the interview.
Steve said that Ivy Supersonic is back in court today over some AARP credit card matter. She's asked High Pitch Eric to be her representation in court.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who wants to give Howard a gift but he's afraid that it'll end up in the wood chipper. It was a replica of their studio made of tape and paper. Howard said the guy is pretty talented after he saw a picture of it.
Steve said that 5 years ago today was the final show for Howard on K-Rock. He said they start The History of Howard Stern Act IV on Monday.
Ivy Supersonic called in and said that High Pitch didn't show up for her court appearance. She said she's being sued by the AARP. Howard said that she's in more trouble than anyone. He said she has to straighten herself out. Ivy said she's not sure what's going on but she needs a lawyer to help her out through Facebook or something. Howard said he knows Benjy misses her terribly. Benjy told her to tell the judge that she wants a continuance and then get out of the country. She just laughed.
Howard let Ivy go and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They went to break after that.
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Robin started her news with a story about Jon Bon Jovi being appointed to Obama's counsel on community solutions. Howard said if anyone is suited for that job it's Jon. He said that guy knows how to get things done. Robin read some details of what that council does. Howard said he's been friend with Jon for a long time but he gets nervous when the President turns to Bon Jovi for help.
Robin read about Ryan Reynolds and Scarlet Johansson breaking up. Howard said that he didn't even know they were married. He said that she's very young to be married. Howard said Ryan is the Green Lantern. He said that he's working with this woman Blake Lively and he's rumored to have been messing around with her. Howard said you have to expect that when you're a good looking guy like that. He said that Blake Lively is gorgeous and he's not surprised by it.
Howard read some email about yesterday's show. People liked Little Lupe and Dave Lampert. They also liked it when Bubba called into the show. Howard said that some people didn't like Lupe and the way she was treating Dave the Sybian inventor. Howard said one guy said he usually loves her but she was annoying the shit out of him yesterday. That guy didn't like the way she was treating David Arquette. Howard said he thinks that she had a thing for David and that's why she was making fun of him.
Howard said he loves Lupe and Dave Lampert. That led to him playing a Christmas song the guys had her sing. Robin said she's not much of a singer. Howard said she isn't but she's great.
Howard said a lot of people didn't like Wee Matt the midget. Howard read through a bunch of those comments and people were really upset about that appearance.
Howard read about Lisa G and David Arquette and how she asked him out. Howard said people think that she needs to get laid. Some people were happy about Robin, Fred and Gary signed on for another 5 years.
Robin got back to her news and read about a weather girl at the local ABC news station and how she had claimed she was attacked but they found out that the story wasn't true. Howard said he thinks that she was just trying to keep her job. Howard said Robin should have told Scott Greenstein that when he was chasing them away from Paul McCartney. Robin said this woman, Heidi Jones, made a false accusation that she was raped in Central Park and that the guy started contacting her 2 months later and he was stalking her. Robin said the cops looked into it and found a lot of discrepancies. Howard said these things scare him because there are people who are really raped and not believed. He said that this ruins it for other women. He said it's really scary for a guy who hasn't done anything wrong being accused of something that they didn't actually do. Robin said she may be looking at the end of her career. Howard said her lawyer is saying that it's not as bad as they're making it out to be. Howard wondered how it couldn't be.
Robin read a story about this WikiLeaks founder. She said she looked into the story more and this was apparently consensual sex until something happened with the condom. She said that the sex was consensual until he started to do it without the condom. She said that he continued without the condom and the women didn't want him to continue according to what she read. Robin said there is a ''withdrawal of consent'' that exists and that might be what happened there. If the woman said no in the middle of it then you have to stop.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods' ex having a boyfriend. Howard said he thinks she should go out and fuck the world. Robin said it's a student at the college she's at. Howard said that doesn't surprise him. Robin said the guy is a classmate of her's. Robin said that she reportedly received $110 million on her settlement from Tiger.
Robin read about a Columbia University professor who is being accused of incest with his daughter. Robin said this sounds like what McKenzie Phillips went through. Robin said that this guy carried on an affair for 3 years with his daughter and he could face up to 4 years in jail. Robin said it does happen. Gary asked why the guy is being arrested if the girl was 22 when it started. She had to have consented to it. Howard said there are incest laws. It's illegal and it's not about consent.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks it started before her age of consent. He said if they're both adults then they're both guilty of the crime. Dominic said that he also can't believe this WikiLeaks story because if the condom broke that's something else. He said that they're accusing him of sneaking off the condom. He thinks that this guy will release even more stuff on WikiLeaks soon.
Howard said Dominic made a hilarious noise when he called in last time. The guys isolated it so he played it for him. Dominic said he's been doing that for 25 years. it was basically Dominic just saying ''Ahhhh'' with a gurgle in his voice. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Iraq saying that Al Queda is planning some attacks around the world during the Christmas season.
Robin read a story about President Obama asking CEOs to hire more workers to help rebuild the economy. Howard said he likes that. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about that.
Robin had some other political news that Howard zoned out on. Howard said he could never be a reporter because of that. He said he just can't pay attention to stuff like that.
Fred played the Dominic Barbara audio clip a bunch of times during the news. He was also using a Ronnie the Limo Driver clip that was new. Howard wondered what he was doing in that clip. Fred said he had no idea. He played both together and was almost making a song out of it. Robin tried to get through some more news but Fred kept playing those clips.
Robin read a story about the first Lactation training center in the Dallas / Fort Worth area. She said they're going to be consulting people on breast feeding in poor areas down there. Fred had a bunch of Dave Lampert and Little Lupe clips he was playing during that discussion.
Robin read that The Alice Cooper band and Neil Diamond are up to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard didn't understand the Neil Diamond thing. Fred was going nuts playing the audio clips. He mixed in a clip of Howard doing a retarded voice and some Buddy Ebsen gurgling too.
Robin read about Barbra Streissand being one of Larry King's final guests. She had some audio of Larry talking to her. Howard asked why he's so gross. Howard said that it must be his voice. He said the guy is just creepy. Howard did an impression of Larry and made fun of how he makes up stories about his celebrity friends. Howard replayed the audio of Larry and said he thinks that he's going to do Piers Morgan's show. Howard said he should just go do it. He said he knows he'll regret it the night he goes. Howard said he used to think he had to get on those shows but now he doesn't care. He doesn't know what he'd be doing on that show. Robin said he'd be spreading the word that he's still around. Howard said it feels very cliche'd to go on those shows. He said it's cooler not to go on them. He said he will go on though. He said he does like Piers. He's not sure how he is as an interviewer. Howard said maybe he'll sing ''Blackbird'' for him. He said that Piers is a nice guy but he's not sure how he'll do on CNN. He's up against so many other news people.
Robin read about Reese Witherspoon's new movie. She said that Jack Nicholson got $12 million to do this movie. Howard said Reese is looking super hot these days. He said she looks amazing. Robin had some audio of Reese talking about working with Owen Wilson. Howard said she sounds kind of like a dip shit but she looks good.
Robin said that this Yogi Bear movie is out too. She said that Tom Kavanaugh is playing Ranger Smith. Howard said that's a dark role to play. He's always trying to kill the bears and he hates them. He said the guy is just mean.
Robin had some audio of Aaron Eckhart talking about working with Nicole Kidman in a movie. Howard said he didn't care about that. That guy played Two Face though so he'd rather hear about that.
Robin said she had some audio of Owen Wilson talking about ''Little Fockers.'' They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Gary said that there was a moment in there when he went in to talk to Howard and there were about 10 people in there. He said that Howard didn't know why they were all in there. Scott came in and said that he wasn't part of that. Jon asked why he didn't just put it in Howard's bag. Scott said he thinks that Howard was just joking around. Scott said he just handed him the card and walked away. Gary said he is serious.
Gary said they have things going on in the commercial break and it's not up to Scott to think about it. He said that he's telling him not to do it anymore. That's coming from Howard.
Scott wondered what he was doing there. Gary said he didn't ask him to come down. Scott said he's in there because Gary is saying a bunch of bullshit. He said the reason he didn't mail the cards is because he didn't want to have to get all of those addresses. Gary said Tracey has them all.
Gary said that Scott is the only one who can't figure out how to get everyone's address. Scott said Jon Hein wasn't able to either. He said he did the same thing. Scott said that Gary is being a jerk off and he's not the only one. He said that Jon Hein did the same thing. Jon said he was handing out gifts today too. Scott said he won't do cards next year then. Gary said he just doesn't want him to bother Howard with it on the air.
Scott said he thought Howard was joking around. He asked Gary if it was a problem for him too. Gary said it wasn't a problem for him. It was only a problem for Howard. Gary said he thinks that Scott is just so proud of that card that he has to hand them out there instead of mailing them. Scott said he's not sitting around watching people open their cards. Scott said it's ridiculous.
Jon asked how long it took to do the card. Scott said it was maybe 2 hours. He said he and his wife come up with some ideas and then he Photoshops them. He said it's not that big of a deal. Scott said he really thought Howard was just joking around on the air. Gary said that he doesn't get why he can't take it when it comes from him. He said that Scott is just saying ''Fine'' in a way that makes it sound like he doesn't like hearing it from him. Scott said he's fine with it.
Jon asked Gary what happens when all of this goes on in the studio. Gary said Howard asks him what's going on and he has to tell people not to do things like that. Scott said he didn't know there was a rule about this. He said he talked to Howard about that Glenn Beck thing during the break. Gary said that was for the show. Scott said his card was for the show too.
Jon asked Scott why he gave Gary a card. Scott said he did that because he thought he and Gary were doing better. Gary said they were. They do still push each other's buttons though.
Scott explained why he was giving the card to Howard and how he ended up giving a card to Gary to give to Robin. Gary said that Howard doesn't like people bothering him during the show. He said that's pretty clear after what happened with Doug yesterday.
Jon asked Scott if he regrets giving Gary a card. Scott said he doesn't. He said next year he'll just send them out though.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if he would walk into a bosses office and hand him a card in the middle of a meeting. Scott said this isn't the same thing. He said he waited for people to finish talking and just handed him the card when Howard looked at him. The caller said that's retarded. She said she came in 15 minutes early at work and put things on people's desks. She said that he could have put it in Howard's office. Scott said she's an asshole. She said Scott is retarded. Jon wished the caller Happy Holidays and the guys told Scott he was being mean to her. Scott said she was calling him retarded and a moron.
Jon asked Gary how Howard reacted to the card when Scott left. Gary said he wasn't all that upset. He said that he did ask why people do that during the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this is all ridiculous. He said that Gary has some hostility there. Gary said that he and Scott both have hostility toward each other and they push each other's buttons. The caller said that this has created 25-30 minutes of material already. Jon said if he sees a fight he's just going to let it go. The caller said he likes that. He said he loves this kind of stuff that the staff does. He said that if they backed out and looked at it they'd see how retarded the whole conversation is. Gary said they both got into it pretty quickly. the caller said they have to work together for another 5 years. Gary said he will be but he doesn't know if Scott will be back. Scott said he doesn't know if this is his final day there. They haven't signed a new contract yet. Scott said he's not sure what he's supposed to say. Gary said that it was the last TV show taping of 2010. That's about all they know right now.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary is being a bitch about this. He said it's pretty clear that Gary doesn't like Scott anymore. He just can't deal with him. The caller said this is the kind of karma that comes back to Howard and he doesn't get Paul McCartney's autograph. Gary said that's not the same thing. He said it would be like Howard asking for the autograph between two songs.
Scott said that there was a lull in the studio when he gave Howard the card. He didn't interrupt anything. Gary said that the point he wants to make is that no one else handed Howard a Christmas card. Scott said he only got one other card and that was from Jon. Gary said Steve Brandano gave him a card to give to Howard. Scott said Steve doesn't really go into the studio. He said he does and he does talk to Howard personally once in a while.
Jon said he didn't hand Howard a card either. He knew not to. Scott said he heard the rap with him. Jon said he had to write him a card in the middle of the show after Scott gave him one. He didn't even plan on giving him one. Benjy seemed to find that interesting. Scott only got one card and it wasn't even planned.
Another caller said that Howard is everyone's meal ticket there and Gary is the gate keeper. He said Scott doesn't respect that at all. Scott said that's just not true. He said that he does get it and this caller just doesn't know what goes on there.
Jon said that there were a lot of people disrespecting Gary this week. He said it was Tim, Doug and Scott. Gary said that it looks at times like he doesn't have control of what's going on. Gary said he's trying to fix that now.
Ralph called in and said that he thought it all escalated very quickly between Scott and Gary. He said that this subject isn't that stupid like the caller said earlier. He said Gary has to control that room and control the hall. He said they don't need Howard to flip out to give the signal about what they should do. it's distracting to Howard when they have stuff going on out in the hall. Gary said he spoke to everyone out there and it did quiet down for a while.
Gary said there was another incident that went on with some people including Scott. Gary said that Howard saw some people sitting down in the office and they were all talking and laughing. Howard wondered why they weren't working. Ralph said it goes on a lot more often than Howard knows. Scott said Ralph doesn't know shit.
Gary said he had to talk to Scott about that time that Howard saw them all just hanging out. they should have been working. Scott said he had a few minutes before the show to talk to the guys so that's what he did. It turned into a problem.
Scott accused Gary of never taking responsibility for anything that goes wrong. He blames everyone else. Gary said that's funny coming from Scott who does exactly what he just described. Scott said this is all getting weird.
Ralph mentioned that they have a new Geektime show coming up on Saturday. He said they have Jim Lee sitting in on that show. Scott goofed on him about how boring that sounded to him.
Jon let Ralph go and took a call from a guy who said that they love to micro manage there. He said that everyone is freaking out about all of this and it's ridiculous. Scott and Gary kept going on the subject and were still arguing about it all. They had calmed down quite a bit by this point.
Benjy said that maybe Howard was upset that Scott just gave him a card and not a gift with it. Gary said when you hand over a card there's an implication that there might be more to it. Scott said he does the same thing every year and they should know how it goes.
Jon asked if anyone got anything strange as a gift today. Gary said he got an email from Richard a few days ago and he said he gave some money to Lifebeat in his name. Gary said some years he gives Richard and Sal gifts so he went out and got them some DVDs. He said he must have caught Sal off guard. Sal gave money to Lifebeat in his name too. Sal must have been caught off guard by Jon too. He gave some money to another charity that's got something to do with Megan's Law and pedophelia. Jon said he thought it was a joke abut it wasn't. He said that he would rather have the money to go toward Wendy's or something like that. Jon said that was the most bizarre gift he got today.
Gary said he and Jon started keeping spare American Express gift cards just in case they get caught off guard. Benjy said he can't decide on gifts and he goes crazy thinking about it. He said it's really frustrating. Benjy said that sex is the greatest gift because you don't have to figure anything out.
Gary said that they all used to get each other gifts but it got to the point that they'd have bags full of gifts. One year Jackie said that he had all of his gifts stolen out of his car. He said that they never got gifts from Jackie ever again. Gary wondered if the guys would go out and buy replacement gifts. Scott and Jon said they would.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is being a petty prick about this whole thing. He said that Jon has to show some impartiality and stop defending Gary. Gary said that he's welcome to say that he doesn't agree with him. Jon thanked him for permission. Gary said that Jon does take calls for both of them so he's not just defending him. Jon said that's true and he does take calls from people who defend Scott too. Gary said they have a bunch of calls from people who are against him. He said that he saw one up there now. He told Jon to take that call but the other caller was saying that's the way Jon comes off all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott is a very angry guy. Scott said he's really not. He doesn't argue a lot. He said it's just around there that it happens. He said there's a weird reality there. Gary said that's because it's not Scott's reality so that's why it's weird to him. Scott said it seems so clear cut all the time and they don't get it. Gary laughed. He asked Scott what's so weird about it. Scott was going to get into the sleeping thing but Gary didn't want to go there. He said he's going out of his way to be nice to Scott so he didn't want to go there. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Gary goes for the jugular all the time. She said that Benjy got it a couple of weeks ago and went right for his jugular by bringing some stuff up that was pretty brutal. Gary said that Benjy used to pay hookers in cigarettes. Benjy said he didn't have sex with them, he just got hand jobs. He said he didn't have intercourse with them. It was just hand jobs. Gary said that he used to tell them that he'd help them sweep up. Benjy said they were normal, attractive girls too. Will wanted to know what they look like if they take cigarettes for payment. Benjy said that they all must have gotten hand jobs from girls at some point. Gary said he never did. Will said he did... kind of.
Benjy said there was a time that Gary got a hand job with a friend or something. Gary said nothing happened that time. He knew what he was talking about but nothing happened.
Gary said that Pat has never come on the show and not performed. He said he can really sing whether or not you like his music.
Jon brought up the stories that Jimmy was telling about the dancer. Benjy said that they were hot stories. Jon said that Howard likes to stir things up and there was some awkwardness in there when Howard asked if they were in the band. Gary said Will told him he loves hearing Howard stir it up like that.
Gary said that Pat was just letting it go. Will said they make it clear that those guys aren't really in the band before they even go into the studio. Gary wondered what it meant to be part of the band. will figured that they'd have to split the money 5 ways instead of 3.
Gary wondered if everyone in a band like Aerosmith splits the money equally. He's heard that the E Street Band isn't paid the same. They just get paid individually.
Will said he read a great quote from Pat about how they had to decide if they wanted to go out and tour and live off of one song or go out and write a new record and have a new awakening. He said the guys that stayed are the ones who wanted to do that second thing and it worked.
Gary said they beat the odds. Gary said that the Bee Gees used to put out records every few years. He said that they had to take program directors out to lunch trying to get them to see their new image. He said it's tough to get people to see that new image.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had never heard that song before but then they were on CSI and they played that ''Hey Soul Sister'' on the show and it was everywhere after that. Gary said that the business has changed a lot and there used to be a time when that made you a sell out. Now people are dying to be in that and in video games and things like that. Jon said that they were in a commercial too and that commercial was all over the place. Will said they even wrote a song for Coca Cola and it was an original song. They did it just for that campaign.
Gary said he remembers when the second Shrek came out and they were kind of saying they were sell outs. He said Ross called in and told them that bands have to do that to sell their music. Gary said he understands it now but back then it was tough to see Adam dancing around with Shrek.
Jon took a call from a guy who goofed on Will about the Eagles for a minute before talking about how Ralph got a bonus but no one there gets a gift. Howard throws that holiday party. Gary said he digs that party and it's a lot of fun. He also said he's glad that he's out of that gift buying thing.
The caller also asked who is in the finals of the fantasy football league. Will gave him an update on that. They spent a little time talking about that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he appreciated Gary signing his whole name in his book. He also asked what other gifts they got there and why there was no secret Santa this year. Gary said he never brought it up because they didn't know if they were even going to be staying there. They seemed kind of relieved that they didn't do it. Jon said it was a weird day today because they didn't know who to give to and who not to give to.
The caller asked what Gary got for Jon. Jon said he got a gift card. Gary said that's what he got for everyone. Jon got Gary a DVD box set of The Pacific. The caller said that's better than a gift card.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's so great about a donation in your name. He said it's like giving a candy bar but only giving the wrapper. Jon wanted Sal to get down there to explain why he gave to the charity that supports Megan's Law.
The guys also said that Train is up for a Grammy this year so if they win they claim they're going to mention Howard's name. Gary thinks that they will mention him. The caller said that other people have said they would do it but they never do. Sam Kinison was going to mention Howard's name if he had won his Grammy but he lost. Gary said Sam would have done it.
Sal came in and said that he just walked into the wrong studio. He said they looked at him like he was Satan.
Sal said that he and Richard wait until the last minute to give gifts. Sal said they give hints to each other about what to get. Sal said that he's been hinting at a coffee maker. Richard had been hinting at luggage with wheels on it.
Sal said that Gary kind of side swiped him with the gift he gave to him. Gary said that Richard actually started it. Gary said that he got Sal the Kissology Part 2 DVD set and a Mel Brooks movie DVD.
Jon asked Sal about the donation he made in his name. Sal said he was thinking about the donation thing. He said that he gave that one to Gary because of the gay blood in his family. Sal said he gave some to Robin's 15 Foundation. He thought about Jon and he thought it would be good to give to a charity that had something to do with pedophelia. Sal said that he googled it and there was a site called Pervert Justice. He said that the people on the site look even creepier than Jeff the Drunk. He said the site didn't look legit so he looked up some other stuff and ended up making the donation to that other site. Sal said that he didn't want to give Jon anything to do with food or clothing so he went with that.
Gary asked Sal if Jon should say thanks. Sal said he already heard from him that he should take it back. He said they joke about that stuff in the car all the time. Sal said that he and his friends do goofy stuff like that to each other all the time. Sal said he thought that people would be pleased with the gifts he sent out.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked dif they think that KC is really gay because she doesn't know any other guys who would admit to that kind of experience. Gary said he was talking to some people in the office and he couldn't find woman who had dry humped a man on his back like KC described. Gary said if everything KC said was on the money then maybe he's taking baby steps to tell them something else. will said that he would tell right away with the ''Lady Man'' that something was up when he called her. Will said that KC has a lot of gay experiences for someone who claims to be straight. Sal said something to Gary at the last minute and no one got the joke. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:35am.