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Howard started the show talking about how he meant to call Rob Zombie. He said they were up there doing a special Halloween show at SIRIUS. Howard said they're into that kind of thing. Robin said they're like Richard Christy with money. Howard said Rob also has a career.
Howard said that he got depressed when he was coming into the city. He saw kids walking around in costume and he thought about what it was like raising his kids. He said it was such a great age when they'd do that stuff. Howard said he will never see them at that age again. Howard said Debra lives in California and she dressed up like a cat at a party but she's 24 now. Howard said his other daughter is 27 and then he's got the 17 year old who will be going off to college next year.
Howard said he and Beth signed up to be one of the apartments that has candy for the kids. He said they didn't want to be dicks. Robin said she's one of those dicks because she's never sure where she's going to be. Howard said Beth got a huge bowl of candy and filled it up with the good stuff. He said they just put a sign next to the bowl saying ''help yourself.'' Howard said the moms are usually with the kids and stuff. He said he doesn't want to scare any of the kids when he answers the door. He said he'd rather just let the kids take their own stuff.
Howard said he heard kids outside with their moms and he'd look out the peep hole to see the costumes. Then he heard a commotion outside of the door. He said they were only allowed to go out from 6-8 and every bit of candy was gone. He said some kid took every bit of it. Howard said the parents are usually out there to control it. Howard said that bummed him out. He said he got sad when he saw that. Howard said everyone is so greedy and gross. He said they don't teach their kids shit.
Howard said he got bummed out from that. He said he's glad all of the candy is gone though. It was very tempting. He said he wishes that someone had left some for the other kids. He said that they didn't have anything for the second hour of kids.
Robin said that some kids are in costumes that they can't see out of or walk in. Howard said he saw one kid who had a tutu on and she had a winter coat on over that and her father was dragging her around doing the trick or treating. Robin said she saw some kids who needed to be carried. She said she saw one kid as a Sesame Street character and it was just horrible because the garbage can for Oscar the Grouch was painted on. Howard said he saw some good ones. He said he didn't go to any parties or anything. Robin said she can't go out and do anything so she was just staying home and sleeping.
Howard asked Robin about the CW 11 appearance she made last week. Robin said she was on there to promote the money raising thing she's doing and why she's running in the marathon. Howard had some audio from that show where one of the hosts talked about how much she likes Robin. Howard played that clip and the woman was talking about how great Robin is. Her co-host was saying that she seems to be a little intimidated by Robin. The host said that Robin is smart and funny she really admires her.
Howard asked if that chick is cute. Robin said she is. Howard said he was watching Megyn Kelly recently and she's really cute. He spent a minute talking about her and how much he enjoys watching her on FOX. Howard said that Brut Hume must have been really taken with her. He said they have a lot of hot chicks over there at FOX. He and Robin talked about how weird it is that they have hot chicks there like that. Howard said it seems like Rupert Murdoch does whatever he has to do to get ratings. Robin said tis' very hypocritical.
Howard said that he likes Sarah Palin as a sex symbol but not as a politician. Howard said he thinks she's hot. He said he likes to jerk off when he's getting bad news so that's why FOX News is so great.
Howard said he misses summer camp too but he doesn't want to go back. He said he looks up his old camp mates on the internet but he doesn't want to talk to them. He said he just wants to see how they aged. Howard said he likes the nostalgia but that's about it. Robin said she doesn't get that and she doesn't think looking back on stuff like that is a good thing. Howard said she's a real hard ass.
Howard said he likes to look at how people turned out. He said he likes to see how the hot chicks he pined after look now. He said he was looking at one girl he had a huge crush on and he wouldn't even give her the time of day now. Howard said she's so not hot now. Howard said he loved it. He was talking about how hot she used to be and how ugly she is now. Robin said he was in that Pat O'Brien voice when he was talking about that. She said it was very creepy. She also got his name wrong saying it was Pat O'Reilly. Howard corrected her on that.
Howard said it's like all of these girls lost their super powers when they got old. Howard said Robin still looks young to him. He said maybe that's because he sees her every day. Robin said she saw someone recently that was beautiful when they were younger and now she's not so hot. It may have been someone from Baywatch or something.
Howard said he's not sure how Jennifer Grey looks so good now. He said she's very odd though. He said you can see how disturbed she is on Dancing with the Stars. He said he heard that she's not getting along with her dance partner. He said she gives weird looks off to the side during the judging and stuff and she's just strange. He said she looks so needy and she has this glazed look in her eyes. Howard said he read that the other cast don't get along with her and they don't like her.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a phone sex line using the Pat O'Brien voice mail audio clips. Howard said the woman on the line sounds like a dude. Howard said they say that 90 percent of those lines have dudes acting like women on them. Howard said women must be disgusted by those calls. He let the rest of the call play out after that. The phone sex chick ends up hanging up on Pat when he mentions doing coke one too many times.
Howard said there's nothing better than having phone sex and the woman turns into your mom. Howard said that's just weird that you can't talk about coke with a phone sex operator. Howard told Robin to just imagine him being a phone sex operator. Howard said that woman in that call sounded like a dude to him. Howard did his Herman Munster-like voice as he was pretending to be the operator. Fred got in on that too. He had Howard cracking up as he was doing the voice.
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Howard said he's gotten so many links of the girl Charlie was with. Her name is Capri Anderson. He said he saw one where she was with another woman and the other woman was shoving a dildo in her asshole. He said she also seems very hooker-ish based on her claims that she was an escort and Charlie didn't pay her the money he was supposed to that night. Howard said it sounds awfully hooker-ish to him.
Howard said he saw another video of this Capri Anderson woman with a guy. He said the guy was interviewing her to be in a porn and you can see the lips of her vagina in her panties and then the guy starts to spread her open and looks in there like a doctor. He said it was too graphic. Howard said he bends her over and oils her ass and then starts playing with her clitoris and starts smacking it around like a speed bag. Howard said he knows that girls don't like that kind of thing.
Howard said Capri is kind of hot. He said her father apparently didn't know she was a porn star and now the reporters are making it clear to him that she is. Howard said he felt bad for the guy. He said they were bothering the guy and he was kind of freaking out over it all.
Howard said he doesn't mean to sound like Glenn Beck but the voting has to be rigged. He said that they have seen many examples of this over the years. He said that they have so many problems with the votes and it seems so easy to rig it. He said that he's going to vote anyway even though he might start thinking that his vote doesn't really count.
Howard asked Robin if she's going to vote for Cuomo too. Robin said she has to read up on some stuff today to figure it out. Howard said it's a little late for that. Robin said she'll read about it today. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he needs some guidance so he can vote intelligently. Howard said he tries to read up on that stuff but he glazes over and he'd rather be playing chess or something.
Howard said he goes on Facebook and tries to find that girl he went out with who broke up with him because she had a guy with a bigger penis. Howard said she's like his Osama bin Laden and he can't find her because she's hiding from him.
Gary had some information for Howard's voting. He read some of the details to him about who is in the race for Attorney General and things like that. Gary gave him a bunch of details from an article he was reading.
Howard asked what he should do. He still wasn't sure who to vote for. Robin said he has to do some more research. Howard said he has too many meetings today. He said he won't be in the car that much today. He asked Robin to read up on it and tell him what to do. He said he trusts her to give him the down low. He said that Gary has a 121 IQ so maybe he has some good info too.
Howard asked Gary about how he mailed in his votes early up in Connecticut. Gary said he did an absentee ballot because he has stuff to do tomorrow. Howard didn't know that he could do that. Gary told him he should. Gary said the rumor is that they don't even look at those votes but he doesn't believe that. He said that Howard should do the absentee ballot every year. Howard said he really should. He wasn't even thinking about that.
Howard said it's weird because when he goes to vote the people at the voting place ask him to take pictures. Robin said they really shouldn't be doing that.
Gary and Howard spent a couple of minutes going over some of the votes and what Howard would like to happen. Howard said he's really not sure but he's lost some of his interest in Obama.
Howard said he was watching Glenn Beck and he asked one of his audience members why she was in the Tea Party. Howard said this may have been on 60 Minutes actually. He said that this toothless woman was talking about why she was in the Tea Party and he thought she sounded kind of simplistic. Then he realized that he doesn't know anymore than she does.
Howard said they really have to just keep taxing and taxing but they always end up blowing it with the waste. He said that Obama sent a bunch of money to Chicago and he didn't even know they needed it. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said that he used to vote like a normal person but now he doesn't know enough.
Howard said he's just going to wait for Robin to do some research for him. Gary asked what he thinks about Sarah Palin running in 2012. Howard said there's no way she could win. Gary said he thinks she could win. Howard said that can't happen. He said she is hot though. He said he's crazy over the fact that he can look at her and thinks she's so fuckable. He said she is an inspiration. He said she's 43 and she's still fuckable.
Howard said there's one woman who lost 40 pounds and now everyone is all for voting for her. Howard said it's weird. Robin said they're talking about how great looking she is after losing all of that weight. Howard said it's really odd. He said if you're thin you can win. He said that's all it takes to get elected. Howard said the country equates fat with sloppy. Howard said that the only fat guy who is getting any respect is this Chris Christie guy who is governor in New Jersey. Howard said he looks like Mr. Money Bags from the Monopoly game.
Howard said he's going to wait for Robin to give him some updates before he decides on who to vote for. He asked her to please do some research for him. Robin said she was waiting until now because the ads are so weird. She said that they get really down and dirty with the TV ads.
Gary said they had an ad from up in Canada and this guy accidentally kicked a kid in the face and now they're running the ad saying that he's so bad that he kicks kids in the face. Howard played the clip but he said it was more visual. Howard said that was a pretty good ad though. Howard said it was obvious that the guy was playing a game when he kicked the kid.
Howard said that David Hinkley wrote an article about him. He said it was kind of nice but the guy says that Joel Hollander knows what he's doing when it comes to radio stations. Howard said he thinks he's just being nice about him. Howard said Joel knows how to sue talent. He said he's brilliant when it comes to that. He read the article and Joel said he's pretty sure Howard will stay. Howard told him not to bet on it. Howard said he's in the process of figuring out what he wants to do. He said he may not stay there.
Howard said Joel told him that he didn't even give him a chance to make him an offer. Howard said he told Joel that he didn't give him what he wanted and SIRIUS did. Howard said that those guys didn't know what they were doing. He said they ended up suing him when he left.
Howard read more of the article and they were talking about how he has been insisting that he don't know what he's going to be doing. He said he knew what he was doing the last time. He said he had a year and a half to tell everyone that he was moving to satellite. Howard said there was no drama there.
Howard said that he has ruled out terrestrial radio. Howard said that isn't the future of radio. He said no one wants to listen to all of the commercials and censorship. Howard said there will be terrestrial, satellite and web radio. Howard said that web radio is where you get into your car and you have a SIM card in your car. It will recognize if you have Pandora or some other service on your phone and it will know if you have satellite or web radio. He said that's what Mel was telling the FCC when they were trying to merge. Howard said they're going to have a lot of ways of getting radio in your car.
Howard said in 15 years there will be web radio in everyone's cars. He said they'll be competing with terrestrial and satellite radio. He said that terrestrial won't be as much of a big deal as it is now. Howard said he could start his own radio station if he wanted. He said he could call it Howard Stern Radio. He said he'd have everything on his own station. Howard said they can give people exactly what they want.
Howard said he has ruled out terrestrial radio because they just can't do what they want to do on there. Howard said they have to figure out what he's going to do and he's not going to be playing any games with them anymore. Howard read more of the article and they were quoting Mel saying that he's not even sure what Howard Stern will be doing. Howard said they have to have exclusive content there and the one that has it will rule. Howard said it's as simple as that. Howard said they were able to merge because of that. They had this show on SIRIUS and they didn't have it on XM.
Howard read the rest of the article and they were saying that Joel is now a consultant and a philanthropist. Howard wondered where he gets his money from. Gary said he does fund raisers every year. Howard said he gets it now. Howard said the guy isn't a philanthropist. He said that if Joel is one then he's one himself. Howard said he gives money to charity and he's giving his own money. Robin said Joel may be doing that too.
Howard said he sat down with Joel and Les Moonves when they were suing and he asked about his philanthropist thing and how he could be suing him at the same time. Howard said they were trying to make money back for the company instead of just finding someone to replace him. Howard said their game plan twas to just sue him to make money back. Howard said they didn't care. He said he had to hire an attorney for himself and the meter starts running as soon as he walks in the room. Howard said that Joel really cares about people... but only when they're his own and they die. Howard said he did nothing wrong to Joel other than leaving the company. He said things weren't going so well over there and the FCC was hammering him so he had to get out of there. He said that contracts mean nothing and they would have fired him if they wanted to. He said it's unbelievable the way things work in this industry. He said he's lucky he has an agent and a lawyer. He said he has to go in there with a team when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said that they didn't think of him as part of the family over there at Viacom when he was there. Howard said they turned on him in a second when he left. Howard said he walked into the room asking Les and Joel if they were really going to try and destroy him like that. He said they were telling him that it was ''just business.'' He said that Les didn't even know one thing about the lawsuit and why they were suing. Howard said Joel know all about it. He said it was disgusting.
Howard read more of the article and Joel was saying that Howard is one of a kind and made it seem like he was backing him up. Joel also said he thinks that they can survive without him over there at SIRIUS. Howard said that Joel should know. He said that he knows everything. Howard said his name should be next to ''Radio Expert'' in the dictionary.
Howard said that they claim that Joel is an expert in this article. Howard said Joel had success when he worked for Mel so they made him the president of the radio division there. He said the radio division tanked when he left and Joel was fired. That's it. He said he's no expert. Howard said the guy is now a consultant and a philanthropist. Howard said he'd like to know the list of clients he's had. He said he'd love to know where he's going to work every day. He said he'd like to know why they were suing him too. He said that he didn't see any philanthropy there when he was being sued. Howard talked about how crazy that lawsuit was and how they were a couple of fucking assholes when it came to that suit. Howard said he doesn't have to suck Les Moonves' balls like everyone else in the business does. Howard said Letterman has to sit and smile at him. Howard said he doesn't care if the guy never gives him a job. He said he could go right back into business with him because he knows he could make him money.
Howard said Mel wonders why he cares so much about Les. Howard said he didn't do anything wrong to them. He said he just left the company with a better opportunity. Howard said they took it very personally. He said they think that he screwed them over but that's not what he was trying to do. He said they could have just wished him well and let him go. Howard said Joel told him that he ruined his birthday when he announced he was leaving that day. Howard said the guy must be 12. He said that no one at 50 would say that someone ruined their birthday by announcing they were going to another job. Howard said if he had known then he wouldn't have announced it on his birthday. He said the guy is a fucking lunatic.
Howard told David Hinkley to correct his comments about Joel being an expert. He said he's sure that he'll put something in tomorrow. Howard said the guy can't predict anything. He said that Joel is a radio failure. Howard said they should really lock the guy up in a cell. He said he would actually lock up any clients Joel has. He said they must be out of their minds too. Howard said they'll never call him an expert even though he's been at number one for the past 30 years. Howard said he had no idea that it was 7:17 and he had just spent a half hour on a rant. Howard said he takes no responsibility for what he said in the past 30 minutes. He said that he doesn't remember a word he said.
Howard said that Mel is a radio expert. He said the guy has been successful. Howard said even Imus has been more of an expert than Joel. Howard said Imus is an expert at doing shitty radio and being successful at it. Howard said he may be the biggest expert ever. Howard said Cousin Brucie is an expert too. He said that Bob Sillerman might be an expert too. He said Joel is no expert. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that everyone was saying that Robin had some sexy stockings on. Robin said she was wearing some. Howard said that she never wears them. Robin said she got them at Sach's yesterday. Howard asked dif she was trying them on naked when she got them home. Robin said she just threw them on this morning. Howard said she must like being the only woman on the show. Robin said that Lisa is out there. Howard said he means being on the show. Robin said she's just got a bit of a style going on. She said she's just playing with the whole thing. Gary said JD is all about her boots too. JD was out there yelping as Gary was telling them about that.
Howard said that Jackie Martling is on the phone. He said he was listening to his show when he was answering questions from the audience. Howard said Jackie asked to be on the show and they said no so Jackie had all kinds of conspiracy theories about Robin and Fred having something against him. Howard said Jackie was never a good guest on the show. He said he was a writer on the show. Howard said they had him on a couple of times and it was enough. Howard said it wasn't Robin and Fred keeping him off the show.
Howard picked up on Jackie and Jackie asked if he really thinks he's not a good guest. Howard said it was good a couple of times and it was novel to have him on. He said that after that it was enough. Jackie said he never knew that. He said everyone tells him that he was a good guest. He said that people tell him all the time how much it seems that Fred and Robin hate him. Fred said that's really not the case. He said he loves Jackie. Jackie said he loves Fred too... in a gay way.
Howard said that Jackie has a new thing going on so he wanted to call in to promote it. Jackie said that it's something very fun and exciting for him. Howard said it's too desperate. Jackie said he's up for a Grammy nomination for best comedy CD. He said that they have thousands of people listening to the show who can vote him in. Howard said Jackie's album ''Snart'' is up for nomination. Howard said that Jackie has this album out but he's not sure how this works. He said Jackie can somehow get a nomination if they get enough people to vote.
Jackie said it's nice to talk to them. He said he just wanted to get that in there. Howard said it is nice to talk to him too. Howard then went on to talk about how Jackie wants to be nominated for a Grammy so that's why he's calling in. Jackie said Carl Oglio told him that they're down to the last 40 and they're still in the running for the nominations. He said he wanted to do whatever they can to get people's consideration. Howard said Jackie is never going to get nominated. He said it never works out for him.
Howard said that no one else has ever come to them asking for their help. Jackie said that's because they're not him. Richard Christy came in and said that his Charred Walls of the Dammed album is up for nomination too. Howard said if anyone is interested they can give Jackie some consideration if they want. Jackie said that on Oglio.com people can go and listen to the whole album for free. Jackie said he thinks this is the best one he's done.
Howard gave Jackie some plugs for some upcoming comedy appearances and said he wishes him luck on all of that. He said he'd like him to win a Grammy. He said it would be impossible to live with him if he did win it though. Howard thanked Jackie for the call and Jackie asked if he's really going to let him go that soon. Howard said it was enough. He said he's now going to hang up and tell Robin the way he really feels. Jackie said he really appreciates the support.
Howard let Jackie go and told Robin that he wanted to tell Jackie he doesn't need to do this. He said it's really not going to help. Howard said that there are probably 2 NARIS members out there who can vote for Jackie. He said that this all seems very desperate to him. He said that Jackie doesn't subscribe to his theories on this stuff and he just marches to the beat of his own drum. Howard said that's what he wanted to tell Jackie but he won't listen to him. Howard said he wanted to tell Jackie he doesn't need to be doing this stuff. He said a Grammy doesn't mean shit.
Lisa said that they spoke to Us Magazine about the article Gary did with them that got Howard so upset. They said that Gary knew what they were going to be doing. Howard didn't want to hear it. He said he had just about forgotten about it.
Lisa said they were at Robin's taping for the Rachel Ray Show. She said they have some updates about that. Lisa said that Rachel has had both Beth and Robin on the show and now she wants Howard on there. She's willing to make Howard some turkey meatballs if he comes on. Howard said ''Oh please...'' He said he likes her but he's not inclined to do those type of shows. He said he really doesn't do talk shows anymore. He said he's all talked out there. Howard said she should have Jackie on her show since he's looking for that Grammy nomination.
Howard said he saw the new Karate Kid movie and Will Smith's kid was really good in it. He said even Jackie Chan was good in his role. Howard said he actually cried during it. Howard said the part that made him cry was when Jackie Chan was nice to the boy and mentored him. He said that always moves him when an older man is nice to a young boy. Robin said that's usually when a man wants to be with the boy.
Howard said he also got to see Jackass 3D. He said it was great. Robin said it's disgusting though. She said that they have so much vomiting and crap in it. Howard said he loved all of that. He said they thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. He said he loved it and he gives it a big thumbs up. They've made over $100 million with the movie already and they're signed up for 4 more. Howard said it's all so great when they're getting beat up and it's just a matter of time before there's a death. Howard said they get thrown around and beat up so much it's amazing that no one has gotten killed or paralyzed. Howard said someone is going to die or get paralyzed.
Robin said that they're really not stunt men and they can't believe they are. She said that some of the stunts aren't planned and they supposed them.
Howard said there was one stunt they did where Johnny was dressed as an old man and he was making out with his granddaughter. Gary didn't think it was Johnny but Howard said it was. He said they did that in the last movie and it was Johnny.
Howard said he may have been laughing too hard at some of the stuff in the movie. He said he felt like the De Niro in Cape Fear.
Howard said the wife didn't leave the dog's side and kept her there during all of the paper signing and all of that. He said he really has to thank them for doing that.
Howard said he was looking at Richard's Halloween make up and it did look pretty amazing. Howard said it seems awfully weird to drive 2 hours to get your make up done though. Robin said he had to drive back in his make up too. Howard said it can't be that important to the guy. Robin said that there are a lot of people who do that stuff. Howard asked how he makes his eyeballs go all white. Richard said he just rolls them back in his head. He said he had a headache at the end of the night from doing that. He said he just did it for photos.
Richard said his buddy Brian did the special effects. He said they went to a party that night and he won an iPad when he won for having the best costume. He said he was going to get one for Kristin for Christmas so that worked out for him.
Richard said the make up too 3 hours to do. He said that they were out late at the party. He said he felt it was worth getting it done. Howard said he didn't want to spend a lot of time talking about that. He said it was very creepy.
Robin talked about how creepy the Halloween costume was. Howard said that there are too many people out there fucking off all the time instead of working. He said he knows a lot of people out there who haven't been working and now they're complaining about the economy. He said he had to take a break but also mentioned they had Sandra Bernhard coming in today. He said that he had some tape of Audrina Patridge's mother ranting and raving about her daughter getting thrown off of Dancing with the Stars. He said he had some audio of Randy Quaid ranting and raving about the hit squad that's after him and his wife. Howard said he mentioned his buddy Lloyd Braun being on the list of the hit squad. Howard said he found that to be pretty weird too. Howard went to break after that.
Sandra said that she and Howard are going to be at the Dogcatemy Awards this week. Howard said she's got a great dog and she's had a great experience with it. Sandra said she makes out with the dog and strokes him and he's like her husband. She said that they all spoon in bed together too.
Howard said he always thought Sandra was a hard ass and too sarcastic to be friends with. He said that he's found that she's a very loving woman. He said she can be vicious when she's against someone though. Sandra asked when she's been like that. Howard said she can be very biting and she's very opinionated. Sandra said that's true. She said that she's not being negative though. Howard said he found it funny when she was talking about Madonna and A-Rod going to temple.
Howard said that Sandra is going to be hosting the Dogcatemy Awards. Sandra said she's got her outfit picked out and Howard said she seems very girly when it comes to that stuff. Sandra talked about that and somehow ended up talking about how the short hair cuts that women get usually make people think they're lesbians. Howard said he feels that way when he sees women with short hair. He said that a lot of older women get hair cuts like that and he doesn't get it.
Howard said he was looking at the old pictures of David Bowie from his early days and he isn't sure if the guy was gay or straight or what the fuck is going on. Howard asked Sandra what she thinks. She said that he may have played with sexual imagery and that's all he may have been doing.
Howard asked Sandra if she went and shot the movie she was supposed to be in. Sandra said the guy flaked on her and ruined her whole summer. She said that they had a script lined up and the location and all of that. Sandra said this was going to be her whole summer. She said they kept bumping up her numbers every time they'd change the date and she was looking forward to it. Sandra said it just didn't happen.
Howard asked Sandra if she won an Oscar for Kings of Comedy. She said she didn't win an Oscar but she did win some other award. Howard asked what happened with this movie she didn't get to do this summer. She said that the guy just flaked out. Sandra said that she did shoot a part in a little indie film but she has no idea when that may come out.
Howard found out that Sandra is friends with Jennifer Grey. He asked if she's as nutty as she appears. Sandra said that she does want to win that Dancing with the Stars show really bad. She said it might be too much. Sandra said that she has trouble recognizing her when she goes out and sees Jennifer. Sandra said that the nose job just throws her off. She said she looks like a different person every time she sees her. Sandra said that nose job was the worst thing she ever did. She said that if she had left herself with her natural looks, like she has, then she'd be good. Sandra said she was told by Joan Rivers that if she didn't get a nose job she'd never work in the business. Robin said that Joan does love the plastic surgery though. Howard said that Sandra is very attractive and she loves her look and doesn't care what the fuck anyone thinks. Sandra said as your life goes on you don't care so much about that.
Howard asked Sandra about her family life and how much support she had growing up. She said it was great and her father really wasn't that bad of a guy.
Howard gave Sandra some plugs for some upcoming appearances she was making. She said that she wasn't even sure where she's going to be. Howard didn't have all of the info either. He said you can find out all of the info at SandraBernhard.com. She'll also be on Martin Lawrence's special that's coming up soon on Starz.
Howard said he heard that Sandra became friendly with Lisa Lampanelli. Sandra said she's not good at these roasts and she isn't able to fire back and the other comedians when they throw jokes at her. She said she never knows what to say. Sandra said they coerce her into doing them and she doesn't like going. Sandra said that Jerry Lewis made fun of her lips during a roast and then sent her a letter apologizing to her. Sandra said that Lisa had some jokes about her in a roast and she thinks that Lisa thought she didn't like what she said about her. Sandra said she really had nothing against Lisa.
Howard asked Sandra if Jay Leno was good in bed. Sandra said it was no pleasant. She said that he didn't go down on her. She said the most fun they had was when he picked her up on his motorcycle. Howard said she must have been cracking up when he stuck his sausage in her. Sandra said she was only 20 at the time. She said they only went out like twice. They didn't really date.
Sandra said that Jeff Goldblum too her out too. She said that she didn't sleep with him. She said that he's just not present and he's not there. She said he's sweet and all but she wanted to find out if there was anyone in there. She said he's never gotten married or had kids and she feels bad for him. She said that he did have a couple of great women but she feels bad for him.
Howard asked if she's happy that Jay's show isn't doing well. Sandra said she doesn't really care. Howard said maybe Conan will have her on. Sandra said he should. Howard said that Dave didn't have Joan Rivers on for years. Then he broke down and had her on recently.
Sandra asked Howard about getting her a radio show. Howard said he would like to give her one but he's not sure what he's doing. Sandra said that maybe he could get her on at SIRIUS instead of under his channels.
Sandra told Howard about who she's going to be voting for. She said she still votes out in California. Howard said he has no idea who he's going to vote for but he has the feeling that his vote doesn't count anyway. He said he's getting very cynical.
Howard and Sandra talked about some of the wacky people that are running for office. They went over some of those and then Howard asked how her relationship is going. Sandra said things are good. She said that they've been a little intimidated to do it lately because they have a new building going up next to their building. She said that they're using non-union guys there and one of the guys is a big fan of Howard's and he gave her a copy of a CD with all of his calls on it.
Sandra said she and her girlfriend fight all the time but then they make up. She said that she's a little more care free than her girlfriend. She said her girlfriend is more closed in than she is. Howard asked what it is that she's so open about that's a problem. Sandra said that she has opinions about things in every day life that get on her nerves. She said she doesn't like that she Twitters. She said her girlfriend hates Twitter. Sandra said it's a great outlet for her though.
Howard asked if she puts any of that Twitter stuff in her act. Sandra said that some of that stuff might make it into her act. Howard wondered why her girlfriend wouldn't like it. Sandra said that she may think it's too much exposure. Howard said it sounds like it upsets her. Sandra said it does a little bit.
Sandra told Howard how she lets her girlfriend know when she's ready to have sex. She said that she turns on some Rolling Stones. Howard said he turns on the fireplace when he's ready to go. Sandra said she will dance around for her girl. She said she gets in bra and panties when she does that. Fred played some music for her and Sandra danced around a little bit for them.
Howard asked what the girlfriend does when she's dancing. Sandra said she laughs at her. She'll do that for like 20 minutes though. Howard said guys can't put up with 20 minutes of dancing. He said they'd just jump on her. Howard said there is no rush then. Sandra said that things get lubricated and wet while she's dancing. Howard asked if they spend an hour on the titties. She said that's too much time to spend on that. She said they all like time on the titties but not the whole time. Sandra said it can get tiring. Howard said he spends a minute on the titties and then moves on. He asked what is a good time. She said 3 or 4 minutes is good for the titties. Howard said he figured it was a lot more than that. Howard said he watches the Real L Word and they put on a strap-on on and then get it on. He said the woman wearing it doesn't feel anything. Sandra said they don't do that kind of thing. She said she's not looking to become a man or anything so she doesn't get using the appliances. She said she won't critique other people using them but it's just not her thing.
Howard said Beth is really into Sandra now that she knows she's doing the Dogcatemy Awards. Sandra said she'll be sitting down with Howard and Beth after she does her thing. Howard gave her some more plugs for her appearances and her web site.
Howard asked Sandra if she thinks that Robin will finish the marathon. Sandra said she does. Howard asked her about working out and Sandra told him about her walking and working out at the gym. Robin also said that they have to get together for dinner. Howard said he's very busy with his TV shows so he's not sure he'll be able to make it out.
Howard asked Sandra what she thinks about Sarah Palin. Sandra said she's as common as a housefly. Howard said he thinks she's pretty hot. Sandra said she does not find her attractive. Howard said he thought they could do guy talk. Sandra said not on that one. Fred said he thinks that she's bangable. He said she might not be that attractive politically but she is hot. Sandra said that everyone had better readjust their dicks. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was reading about this book (The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy) that's coming out about the whole Leno and Conan NBC deal. Howard said he loves reading about that stuff. He said he saw a free version of the book and he wasn't able to put it down. Howard said it's great when guys are fighting over a TV show. He said he loves the TV show wars.
Howard said he always wanted to be a game show host or something. He said that he'd like to host something like that. He said he'd love to be the host of Password. He pretended to be the host for a minute.
Howard said he also liked the Soupy Sales show. He said he wanted to do something like that. That led to them talking about how Pee Wee Herman is back out doing his show on Broadway. Howard said it's kind of sad now that he's older. He said that he's not the same guy he was. Howard said it's not as wonderful as it used to be. Howard said Pee Wee's first movie was great. Howard said Pee Wee is still acting like a kid but what he should do is be the old Pee Wee who has aged and gotten angry. Howard said he does love the guy though so he may go and see the show.
Howard said Pee Wee should come in and promote. He said he'd rather talk to him as Paul Reubens though. Howard said he read the interview he did with Playboy and it was great. He said it sounds like he really got hosed in the whole thing. Howard said they had kiddie porn charges against him but they were dropped. Howard said they claimed that he was jerking off with his left hand but he's right handed so he says that no one saw him jerking off.
Howard said Pee Wee collects some kitsch art and it's like shitty stuff and they found one of his pieces that was like a kid naked or something and they thought that was kiddie porn. Howard said it's just a little boy golfing naked and they made him look like shit in the press. He said all of the charges were dropped but his career was fucked after that.
Howard said Pee Wee went off to get out of the public eye and he stayed with some old bag who had befriended him. He said the story was really fascinating.
Howard said they really should pay these people off faster. He said that its like they're putting it off as long as they can so maybe the person will die and they won't have to pay. He said they also hold off on paying to keep the interest on the money they give away. He said it's not that much though.
Gary said he talked to a guy at a party one year and they like to hold off on paying off until the end of the quarter so it looks like they made more money. Howard said it's great when he gets a call like that. Gary said it's not that uncommon. Howard said he wants the pay offs to happen in 2 weeks, not 2 months. Howard said it's not a million dollar win. It's 5,000 bucks, not a million.
Howard said he's not sure if Paul Rubens is straight or gay. Robin said he's never made that clear. Gary said he knows he had a big gay following but he's not sure if he's ever said he's gay or not. Howard said that's another thing he can't put a finger on... who gays follow. Howard said Kylie Minogue has a big gay following and he's not sure how that happens. Howard said Kathy Griffin has a big gay following too and he's not sure why. Robin said she never got the Judy Garland thing either. Howard said Lisa Minelli too. Robin said she figured Liza was because her mother was Judy Garland.
Howard said Donna Summer had a big gay following until she found God and turned on them. Then they turned on her. He said he loves that. Howard said it's almost like an instinctive thing. Howard and Robin said that the gays like Halloween too.
Howard had some audio of Will Murray interviewing people down there. He had one woman that was kind of funny. The woman said she abhors Howard Stern when she was asked about him.
Howard said it was more of a concert than a rally. Robin said they were doing it as entertainment with a political message.
Howard said that Randy Quaid has gotten very wacky lately. Howard said he's up in Canada trying to get refugee status up there. Howard said his wife is from Canada so she can stay up there no problem. Howard said that Randy had a press conference and it's very strange. He said it's really good though. Howard said he was ranting about Lloyd Braun who used to run ABC. Howard said he was being named as the head of the Hollywood hit squad. He said it's wild.
Howard played the audio of Randy at his press conference and he was saying that they have been the victims of a small network of individuals who have been trying to sabotage their credit and credibility. Randy said they are not crazy and they are not criminals. He claims they are being targeted by this group and he thinks that at least 8 actors he knows have been killed off. He said he thinks that other people like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson are being targeted as well. Then Randy says that Lloyd Braun has started a gossip web site. He said that Lloyd used to be his lawyer and it's just not right that he's doing this. Randy was also saying that his brother is going along with all of this.
Howard said he's reading so normally and he seems to sound like he's with it. Howard said it's very odd. He played more of Randy talking about all of this stuff and claiming that people are trying to kill his career and possibly murder him to gain control of his royalties. Randy said he is announcing his availability to work up there in Canada.
Howard said his lawyer took over and she seemed reasonable and they will address all of this in court. He's not sure what court that is though. Howard said he'd like to know what happened to that guy. Howard asked where Lloyd Braun was on 9/11. Robin asked why anyone would want to kill him. Howard said everyone wants to get his royalties.
Howard said the right guy to go after is Randy Quaid. He said that no one is going to believe him with these claims. Howard said this must all be funny to Lloyd. He said that Lloyd did his deal on Private Parts. He said that he left the attorney business to become the head of ABC. He went to Yahoo for a while too. Howard said he has his own web site start up now.
Howard asked what kind of money they pay out. Scott said there is a $50,000 grand prize. They have a bunch of tournaments so there is more prize money up for grabs. He said if the guy who won the 50 won all of them then he could win more than 50 grand. He said the tournaments are still going on though so he's not sure who will win the most.
Howard asked Scott about the ball getting stuck on his thumb that one time. Scott said there were times when it stuck on his hand and didn't release too. He said that the ball can go flying up in the air and come smashing down. He said all of the pros said that it's happened to them at times.
Howard asked Scott why he took out the black cloud thing with Doug. Scott said he was working hard and he thought that they were being just a little mean. Doug came in and said they did it as impartial as possible and Scott is just a bad sport. Doug asked him if he knows where he works. Howard said Scott put a curse on Doug to give him the black cloud curse. Howard said he put a hex on him. Doug said he saw that and that was pretty scary. He said he was shitting himself when he saw that. Doug said that's serious business. Howard said Scott has no power to do anything like that. He told Doug not to worry.
Howard explained how Scott's mother told him that there was a curse on the family. He said that can't be easy on the family. Scott said that there is no hex on Doug either. Howard said if Scott could do that then he'd be a winner. Howard said he's Scott though so he has no power to do that.
Doug tripped over his headphones as he was leaving. Howard figured that was the beginning of the curse.
Howard said he can't believe how hairy Scott is and yet he has no hair on his head. He said maybe he should trim it down with a clipper. He said he's like a monkey. Howard said it's crazy how hairy he is. Scott said he could take it down with some clippers. Howard congratulated Scott on his bowling accomplishment. Scott said some of the pros quit before he did. He said he was plugging away and having a great time. He said his whole body was sore but it wasn't enough to make him quit.
Robin asked Scott about his cursing. Scott said he was frustrated and he knows he could have done better than he did. Fred played his ''Fuck everyone!'' clip a few times during that discussion. Howard said he heard that they asked him to calm down with the cursing. Scott said they didn't really do that.
JD came in and told Howard he had some audio of Scott snapping for him to play. Howard played some of that and Scott would throw a bad ball and start complaining. Then he cursed out the camera guy who was commenting about the black cloud. Scott said that it's not funny to put the black cloud thing on Howard TV. He said he'd like them to have that curse on them too.
Howard asked Scott why he cares what Howard TV does. Scott said he was frustrated at that moment. Howard said if they hadn't put the black cloud up then he wouldn't have been interesting. Scott said he was just frustrated at that moment. He said he wanted to thank the guys who covered him down there. Howard said that wasn't necessary.
Steve said they have some updates about Scott's bowling. They also have a story about Bill Carter's new book (The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy) about the late night wars. That led to Howard talking about how wild it was that they didn't have it specify what time the Tonight Show should be on when they drew up Conan's show. That set Howard off because he knows how those contracts work.
Steve said that Stuttering John ended up on air on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno this week. Howard said heard that they humiliated him on the show. He was pelted with eggs according to Steve. Howard said if John had any balls he'd tell Jay to take that job and shove it up his ass. Howard said the next thing they should do is run over John's head with a car. He said they could turn John into the next Jackass. Howard said it's crazy how they treat him over there. He said that's just cruel. He said Jay is a really sweet guy. He said he would like to write a bit for them over there. Bring John on and have a dog rape him on camera. Either that or Jay could just shit on John's head for next Halloween. Howard said Jay is so fat he must take a big, steaming shit too. He said they could shove a whole turkey up John's ass for Thanksgiving. He said they can just humiliate the guy even more. Howard said he's just not competent enough to be their announcer. Howard said they have to do it right and really humiliate him.
The Howard TV guys had some audio of Jay doing his bit with John. They pulled John out and whipped eggs at him in this bit they were doing.
Howard said they must have other ways to humiliate John. He said they could have a bunch of gay bikers rape him. He said if John wasn't such a scum bag he'd feel bad for him. Howard said he's an A #1 scum bag.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He asked him what he thinks about that Tonight Show bit. Jon said it was sad. Howard said it is sad even though John is a dick. He said the guy has kids and they have to watch that shit.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show after that. That led to them talking about Jackie and his plea for the Grammy nomination thing. They were goofing on Jackie about all of that for a few minutes. Howard did his impression of Jackie and had him saying he was part of ''the Beatles of radio'' and how important he was on the show. Howard said that everyone has had enough of that.
Jon also mentioned Howard's Halloween depression and said he knows just what Howard means. He said he gets depressed over that too. He's got a 16 year old and a 13 year old. Howard said he misses his kids. He said that his youngest is going to be going off to college next year. He said they all flee from him as far away as they can. They like to go out and experience the rest of the world. He said he tries to tell them that he is their world and they should stick around. Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and then Howard went to break.
Robin got into her news and read about Charlie Sheen's incident from last week. Howard said he read that the hotel isn't going to press charges over him trashing their hotel room. Howard said some people are lucky in their ''fucked upedness.'' He said some people get thrown out and others are allowed to trash a room and get away with it. Robin read some details about the girl's side of the story and it's hard to say what was really going on there. She said Capri Anderson is claiming that she was threatened and kept in the room against her will. Robin said she never told that to police though. Robin said a lot of this story is from TMZ. She said that a lot of his friends are fearing for Charlie's life because of how out of control he seems to be lately. Robin said that the execs at CBS are quietly thrilled about this according to an insider. They think it will boost ratings. Robin read about how Martin Sheen isn't too thrilled and he is organizing an intervention for Charlie. He apparently wants to separate him from his partying pals.
Robin read a story about a guy who was peeking around the corner in a train station to see if the train was coming and he ended up getting hit. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would do that. Howard said you don't have to peek around the corner. Robin said the guy did survive the accident. She said he's a screenwriter who wrote ''Monster's Ball.'' Howard said that's wild. He said that the body can be really resilient. Howard said he broke his toe on a desk but then he sees the guys in Jackass getting banged up and it makes him feel like he could go out and do anything. Howard said they should have Stuttering John do something like that on the Tonight Show. Robin said the motorman saw the guy but he wasn't able to stop in time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a long time supporter and listener. He said he's the Bergen County Sheriff over in New Jersey. Howard said he didn't know they voted for Sheriff. Howard let him get in a plug for his upcoming election run and he thinks that he's going to win if Howard endorses him. Howard asked how many years his term would be. The guy, Leo, said it would be 3 years. Howard asked him some questions about who he's arrested and if anyone famous has been there. Howard asked Leo if he's ever gotten to pull his gun out. Leo said he has. He said he's been a police officer for a long time. Leo said that he has pulled a gun but they don't have tasers there in New Jersey. He said he has had to protect himself on occasion too so he knows some martial arts. Howard said he'll endorse him, no problem. Howard asked Leo if he served in the armed forces. Leo said he did. He said he also has a masters in business administration. Howard sounded fascinated. He said this guy was Leo McGuire. He said he can't believe he's never killed anyone with his gun. He gave him his endorsement. Then Leo put another guy on the phone, who spent a minute talking to Howard. Then he put yet another guy on the phone to get Howard's endorsement. Howard said that he thought he said he was running for ''Freeloader'' but it was Freeholder. His name was Jim Carol. He wanted to put more people on the phone. Howard spoke to another one for a few seconds but he had to hang up. Howard said they were just busting his balls.
Howard said Scott the Engineer lives there and he's endorsing Leo so that has to be bad news. Howard said it must be tough being a cop and never being able to kill a guy. He said his uncle did that once. Howard said it was the best day of his life because he saved a bunch of lives. Howard said his uncle Bob took the guy down with 5 shots. Howard said the guy was swinging a hatchet at people on the street and when the guy tried to chop his head off his uncle just blew him away. Howard said he gave him a warning and then shot him when he swung at him. Robin said she likes how he tells the story like he was there.
Robin got back to her news but Howard was talking about his Vietnam days after talking about his uncle. Howard said he has a bed of ears for his dog that he got in Vietnam. He said he has a cabinet made of bones and things like that too. He said that vets don't usually talk about that stuff. He said he served 4 tours of duty and he was there for Halloween. He said he killed one guy who was an asshole. He said he wore the guy's face as a mask on Halloween over there in Nam. He said he took a nap on his human skin hammock too. Howard said he was considered the cut up of his platoon. Howard said one day they took out a whole village and he made bowling balls out of the heads of the Viet Cong. Howard said that boredom is the worst part of the war. He said they bowled with human skulls to get rid of the boredom. Howard said they used the feet as the bowling pins. Howard said once he glued a guy's eyes on his eyelids so it looked like he was awake when he was sleeping. Howard said once he glued some eyes to the back of his head too. Howard spent a few more minutes telling his stories. Robin asked if she could move on and get back to the news. Howard said he won't even tell her about the gym bag he made of testicles.
Robin read some news about the David Arquette and Courteney Cox break up. Robin said that Courteney has said that they aren't necessarily getting a divorce. Howard said of course not and then laughed. Robin read some details about what Courteney said about their marriage. She also had some comments about what David talked about on Howard Stern's show. Courteney just said that David is a kook.
Robin read about the upcoming election and had some poll details. She went through a bunch of that stuff and had some audio clips of some of the people running. Robin also had some audio of Sarah Palin talking about how she could run for President in 2012 if the people need her.
Robin read a story about President Obama having to deal with some hecklers at an appearance he made. Robin had some audio of that and some other things Obama was talking about during his speech.
Robin read a story about the big Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert rally down in Washington DC. Robin had some audio of Jon speaking down there. Howard said maybe Jon should run for something. He said that these rallies sound awfully boring though. He asked where the fun is.
Robin read about the attempted bombing that was discovered last week. She had some audio of some people talking about how well that was handled by the administration.
Robin read about Brett Favre breaking his ankle and trying to play yesterday. Howard said he could try to play with his broken toe too but he's not going to. Howard said he does show up to work though. Robin said that Favre got hit in the chin during the game and he needed 8 stitches. He still wants to keep playing though. Robin had some audio of Favre talking about the chin hit and all of that.
Robin read about the new Miss World who is from Kentucky. She's 18 years old. Robin said they crowned her on Saturday.
Robin read about the new movie ''127 Hours'' and how people are getting sick watching it. She said one woman passed out in the bathroom after excusing herself from the movie after seeing a graphic image of a guy cutting his arm off.
Robin read about the new Saw 3D movie that was out this weekend. It was number 1 at the box office. Robin had some audio of one of the stars, Gina Holden, talking about why the movie was going to be the best of the series.
Robin had some audio of Robert Downey Jr. talking about working with Zach Galifianakis on their new movie. Howard didn't last long listening to that. Robin had some other audio clips of one of the women from Saturday Night Live talking about a special they're doing. Howard said they have a lot of talented women on that show this season. He said he doesn't know many of their names but he does think they're good.
Robin asked Howard what the most harmful drug is out there. Howard said for him it was acid. Howard said that was the one he almost lost his mind on. He said cocaine must be worse than heroin. Robin said a bunch of experts were asked about it and they say that it's actually alcohol. Howard didn't seem to agree. Robin said they found that it's the most harmful overall. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon asked Benjy what he thought about the tension. Benjy said there was a comedian who thought Jackie was keeping them off the show. Gary said there were a lot actually. They also talked about how Jackie is now the one thinking that people are keeping him of the show. It's all up to Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can hear the disdain that Robin and Fred have for Jackie. He said he thinks they love to bust his balls but there is some resentment for what he did. Gary said he doesn't think there is disdain there. He said they're just busting his balls in advance and they know he's a shameless huckster. They tell him he doesn't need to sell all of that stuff he sells and they bust his balls over it.
The caller said he got Gary's book already. the book isn't supposed to be out until tomorrow. Gary said that's not a big surprise. The books are probably at the book stores over the weekend and they ask them to hold on to them until the release date.
Another caller said he has heard Fred say he hates Jackie. Gary said he doesn't hate Jackie but he has some opinions about what Jackie has done. He said he thinks he told Jackie that the last time he was in. Jon said he doesn't think Fred hates him either. Gary said he doesn't want to speak for Fred but he thinks that he could have been upset about the way he left the show and kind of screwed them over after they had worked so hard to build it up to what it was.
Jon and Gary talked about Jackie's reason for calling and played a clip of Jackie calling in about the Grammy nomination thing. Gary said that Howard pointed out the way Jackie does this type of thing and how you don't ask people to nominate you. Gary said he thought it was funny that Jackie was doing that so he told Howard about it. He said if he wasn't doing that then they may not have had him on the show today.
Benjy said if he becomes a nominee then it will have been worth it. Gary said he doesn't think it will happen though. Gary said Milton Berle used to do the show all the time and he loved to tell them what he wanted to say on the show like it was going to be planned. He said that Milton told him he wanted Howard to bring up the show and tell him he should be nominated for an Emmy. Gary thought it was ridiculous and that's what he told Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he got Gary's book and said he loved it. He went on to talk about how Jackie has never admitted he was wrong for walking off the show and that's why Robin and Fred have such a problem with him. He said that he would like to see him back once a week or so but he's not sure where Jackie will end up if Howard doesn't re-sign.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he loves that Benjy is back. He said he also heard Jackie on Raw Dog with his show. He asked Gary if he's doing other promotion for his book. He said he thought Howard was going to do some kind of game with a read along or something. Gary said that they're going to have a contest where they'll have the fans cutting up his audio book. The caller said he thought he'd have heard about that already. He asked if he's coming to Baltimore at all. Gary said he'll be in the Philadelphia area but not Baltimore.
Another caller said he's a huge fan of the show and he has been really sick lately. He said he doesn't think that Fred hates Jackie. He said that he could tell during the roast they did where Jackie and Fred sang together. He said the show has changed since Jackie left. Gary said he agrees but the show has become more conversational. The caller asked if there's an update on Artie's second book. Gary said he hadn't heard anything.
Another caller asked about Scott's bet with Jon and Gary. Jon said that they owe Scott the money because they agreed to pay him if he ended up in the top 200 on any day. He did end up in the top 200 on the last day so they have to pay off their bet. Gary said if they had won he would have taken Scott's money. He said he wouldn't have asked for it but he would have taken it.
Jon said they had some clips of Scott being angry at the Howard TV guys. JD said that he was very angry at a lot of people. They talked about that trip and what happened to Scott.
Scott came in so Jon talked to him about his trip. Jon asked if they're going to get the depressed Scott now that he's home from bowling for a week. Scott said he's fine. He said his day job is working on the best radio show in the world. He said this is reality. The guys asked Scott if he got any pussy out there or if there are any bowling groupies. Scott said that doesn't even deserve an answer. He said he was so busy bowling that he wouldn't have noticed.
Benjy asked if he just bowled and slept out there. Scott said he wasn't able to go out. He said Gregg Karmel knows so they should ask him. Gregg said that it was hell out there. He said that he and Chris made a bad decision going out there. He said that they figured it was no big deal but it turned out to be 12 games a day of the same thing over and over. He said they had to pull the clips so they could get them to Howard the next morning. They had to go up to their rooms and go through hours of tape. He said it was like finding a needle in a haystack finding the clips. Gregg said he wasn't even able to come up with anything fun about it. He said he does have a new respect for what bowlers do. He said that he didn't think of it as a sport at first but now he does.
Gary asked Gregg if he would watch it on ESPN if he came across it. Gregg said maybe for a second he would but he's burned out on it right now.
Jon asked if Scott had any rivalry with other bowlers. Gregg said they did speak to some other guys and everyone was very appreciative of the show covering it so they had no problem with him at all.
Jon asked if the guys were upset with the way Scott was reacting to the game by cursing. Gregg said that some of them said it's not the way you're supposed to act but they liked his passion for the game and how seriously he was taking it.
Scott said he was very passionate about the game and that's why he would get angry. Gregg said some of his reactions were priceless. He said they were actually taking bets on how often he'd go on a profanity tirade or throw his towel. He said they probably bet on close to 36 games or so. Gary said that sounds like when you go to a really shitty baseball game and you bet on wether the ball is going to end up on the grass or on the dirt.
JD said he could watch Scott slamming his towel down and curse all the time. Scott said it was great and he loved doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Scott won his bet by default. Gary said he won it fair and square. He finished at 162 out of 230 guys that day. Scott said he had his coach out there that day and he knew he'd do good on that pattern. He said it was supposed to be the hardest pattern but it turned out to be good for him.
Another caller asked Scott about how pissed he was when he bowled on the wrong lane. Scott said he should have known where he was bowling and he was following a guy who bowled on the wrong lane too. He said they took away the strike he had just gotten and then he got a spare when he moved to the next lane.
Jon asked Scott about how they concentrated on his negative bowling instead of the positive. Gregg said that Scott actually bowled his highest and lowest games on the same day. He had a 130 game and a 200+ in another one. Gary asked if that 130 was the lowest in the tournament. Scott said it wasn't. Gregg said there was a 17 year old in there and she came out 192nd overall.
Jon asked Scott if he wishes he could be doing that for a living. Scott said he does. He said he knows he couldn't keep up with those guys though. He said it's not easy.
JD said he walked into the studio when Howard was talking to Scott and Howard was yawning. He said that was the greatest thing to see when he went in there.
Jon said that they're all proud of Scott. Scott said he's happy with the way he performed. JD asked how many bowlers had a ball launch up into the air. Gregg said it was the only one they saw. He said that they were very amused with the way Scott was reacting to his strikes and things like that. The guys spent a couple more minutes talking about bowling before they went to break.
Jon asked why they hit it off so well. Gary said that Sandra's life partner is one of the nicest people he's ever met. He said that they're a great couple to hang out with. Benjy said that Howard does seem to have a very fond feeling toward her.
Jon said that Sandra said that she got a lot of love from her family and that's what made her what she is today. Gary said she apparently always got along well with her parents. Benjy said that she once told a story about how her dad would check her ass for hemorrhoids and stuff even as an adult.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Sandra's looks and he said that she's just stunning lately. Gary said he thinks she grew into her looks and she does look good. The caller said he saw her down on the street and told her she looked stunning.
Benjy brought up the dancing that Howard dos when they dance in the studio. He said it started out as a joke but he thinks that Howard is taking it kind of serious. He said he thinks Howard really enjoys it. They talked about how Robin dances too and Jon said that some people think she danced like Elaine on Seinfeld.
Another caller said that Sandra Bernhard doesn't look good. He said that she looks like a bag of assholes. Gary said when you see her in person she looks better in person than she does on TV. Benjy said that she's very sexy. He said if you just put her name in on the web she looks really hot in some pictures. The caller said he's not buying it. He said she's fuckin' ugly to him. He also doesn't like when she starts throwing those Yiddish words around.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy would have a threesome with Sandra and her partner. Benjy said they said Ralph did that with them but it's not clear if he really did. Benjy said he would do it if they asked him to though. The caller said he thinks she has a butter face so he'd have to turn it down. Gary asked how many threesomes he's turned down. The caller said it's probably none. The caller asked Gary if he would do it. Gary said he would totally do it.
Benjy asked Gary if he's ever had a threesome. Gary said he hasn't. He said he has kind of thought about doing one but he never orchestrated one. Jon Hein also said he has never had the pleasure. Benjy said he's the kind of guy who would lie about it even if he had. Jon said he probably would but it's never happened.
A caller asked Gary if he's going to put names in his books. She asked if he's going to be willing to do that. Gary said it all depends on how long the line is. Gary said he will try to do it for everyone though. The caller said Artie didn't do that so it wasn't all that great. Gary said that they say that a personalization can knock the value down but he'll do his best with whatever people want.
Teddy said he was at the Artie signings and he knows that Ronnie may have been moving the lines along. He said that he may have done that because Howard had to do that when he was doing his signings. Howard always said that he'd stick around and sign as many has he had to no matter how long it took. Gary said he'll do the same but only on the weekends and night when he doesn't have to be at work the next morning.
Another caller asked about the picture on the cover of the book and how long it took to write the book. Gary said the picture was from when he was about 14. He said they wrote the book in a little under 3 1/2 months. He said it was a ridiculously short amount of time according to some.
Jon brought up Howard talking about the Halloween depression thing. Gary said they hardly had any kids last night at his house. He said his kids don't even really care that much about trick or treating. Gary said he was out driving last night and someone in another car waved him over. It turned out to be his son Jackson who just got his learner's permit. He said he just has the feeling that his kid shouldn't be old enough to drive. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how it was 3 minutes into the show. Robin corrected him saying it was 3 minutes past the hour. Fred threw in some Little Lupe audio clips to get them going too. Howard wondered if Lupe really loves pussy and if she's really bi-sexual. He wondered if it's really possible to be bi-sexual and really enjoy it. He said he doesn't think there can be such a thing. He said he sees women with other women and with men and he doesn't get it. Howard said the guy from Bush claims he was in a relationship with a guy when he was 17 and now he's with Gwen Stefani so he's confused by that and by David Bowie.
Howard said someone asked him about the coffee table book he got about Bowie and it was called Ziggy Stardust something (Maybe this ''Moonage Daydream: The Life & Times of Ziggy Stardust''). He got it at John Varvatos' store. He thought it was a display book but it turns out it was something he could buy.
Howard said he has to vote today and his father did some of the research for him yesterday. Howard said Robin was on a show yesterday called Showbiz Today. Howard said they didn't really let her speak though. Robin said it was a weird setup there. Howard said they should have let Robin talk a little bit. He had some of the audio to play but it was boring.
In the clip they were talking about Courteney Cox and David Arquette and how they're not getting divorced. Howard said they played music and sound effects over Robin as she was talking. It was non-stop music and noise behind the talk. They wasted so much time talking up what they were going to get to and then the host repeats herself a couple of times. Howard said he was ready to tune out by the time Robin got on.
Howard almost shut it off after a couple of minutes of this host rambling on and on. Howard said if he was a professor of broadcasting he'd teach his class that they just have to get to it. Robin finally got to speak and Howard said it took far too long to get there. Robin was talking about the Arquette Cox breakup. They were putting graphics up during her discussion and they played sound effects. Howard said it was really annoying.
Howard asked Robin about what she's been doing for her running lately. Robin said she's been blogging and doing that show. Howard said she's very busy. Robin said she had to go to bed after that. Howard asked if she thinks they're discovering Robin all of a sudden. She seems to be on a lot of shows. Robin said she has been doing a bunch of them. Howard said he's sensing it.
Howard said he has the feeling that Robin is totally bullshitting at times but then he feels that she knows what she's talking about. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that it'll be the decade of Robin starting next year. Robin said that could be true. Howard said he's going to say it's 2010 to 2020 for Robin.
Howard said his father read about how the NY Times is backing Harry Wilson for Comptroller. He said the Daily News did that as well. Howard said the guy is a republican and both of those papers don't usually go for them. Howard said he's just going to go and try to figure it out today. He said the two papers are a little different so he's not sure who he's going to vote for at this point.
Howard said some of these guys say some wacky stuff. He said he kind of knows what he's going to do. Howard said the voting by paper is kind of fucked up. He said he's not sure if he can trust that.
Howard read the article about Charlie Sheen that was on RadarOnline.com. Howard said Charlie and this Capri Anderson were out to dinner at Danielle and they went into the bathroom. They claim that they did coke in the bathroom and then Capri asked to be paid the 12 grand he owed to her. She walked out and left Charlie in there. His assistant went in there and found him naked with coke on his face. The assistant got him out of the restaurant and back to the hotel. Howard said the assistant helped him back to his hotel room. When they got back there Charlie went off his rocker and started spewing the N-word according to that article.
Howard said he was reading that at home last night wondering what's up with the N-word and why a guy like that is screaming the word. He wondered what a black guy has to do with any of that. Howard said he had the worst time growing up in a black neighborhood but he doesn't think of people in a racial way like that. He would never rant about the N-word like that. Howard said it's kind of weird actually. Robin said it's like Howard is immune. Kind of like in ''Resident Evil.''
Fred threw in the Michael Richard's clip where he's yelling the N-word to a guy in the audience of a comedy club. Howard said he doesn't get that and said that they could be yelling out mother fucker of cunt or something instead of the N-word. Robin said she's had experiences with people who she never expects to hear that word from and then it comes out and it's shocking.
Howard read more of the article where they talked about Charlie's freaking out in his hotel room. They had some details about how the cops had to throw a sheet over him and tackle him. Robin said maybe this will get him thrown out of show biz.
Howard said he hears this N-word being thrown around and it's not even about race at this point. He said it doesn't make sense to him at all.
Howard said Mel Gibson used the N-word too. He said now Charlie has used it and he's wondering why people like these guys so much in Hollywood. Howard said Charlie Sheen might be liked because he didn't bring down Heidi Fleiss when he could have. Robin said they like him on CBS because this almost plays into his character on ''Two and a Half Men.'' Robin said he does play a wild character on the show. Howard said he doesn't watch that show. Robin said she doesn't either.
Howard said people are crazy on cocaine too. He said there are so many week people out there who can't just not do drugs. He said it's like a plague. Howard said he's all for legalizing it though. Howard said the dealers are even worse. Howard said these people just can't stand reality and that's why they do this stuff.
Robin said she was reading about prohibition and they were talking about how they had to bring it back because so many other things came out to take its place. Howard asked what it is about people that they can't get through a day without getting high. Howard said he enjoys life without doing that. Howard said he stays sober and reads a book or the newspaper or plays chess. Howard said people are so miserable, angry and bitter. He said he's not sure what it is. He said they must just feel inferior.
Robin said she saw video of Lisa Rinna getting her lips taken down. Robin said that she's trying to get back to what she had. Robin said the doctor was telling her it wasn't going the way he expected. Howard said he's not sure why she did that lip thing. He said everyone is nuts.
Robin said she started watching the Housewives of Beverly Hills and those people are in trouble too. Robin said that Camille is barely on the show. Howard said that the first and third episodes of that show are the best. Robin said she must have seen episode 2. Howard said they had some bad episodes. Robin said they all have huge lips on that show too. Howard said he loves watching the train wrecks on those shows.
Howard said Oprah has her own TV network now and she signed Tatum O'Neil and Ryan O'Neil to do a show to get their relationship back. Howard said they're both so desperate to get on TV. Howard said Ryan had his life at one point but now he's just a screwball. Howard said that the whole world is just sick.
Howard said Sarah Palin is another wacky one. He said no one seems to know what to do to fix the economy. They think they do but they really don't know what to do. Howard said he feels there's such a mental illness in the country and it seems like we're on the verge of a collapse. Robin said she's felt that way for a while now. Howard said it feels like someone is going to take over. Robin said that it's like the end of the Roman Empire with the crazy leaders.
Howard played a clip of Sarah Palin talking about how she would consider running for President. Howard said she's preparing to run and the whole thing is a disaster.
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Howard did his impression of Gary talking about the music and how important it is for him. Howard said the guy doesn't even play an instrument. Howard said he should have taken some kind of class to play an instrument when he was a kid or something. Gary said he supported the music industry by buying albums.
Howard said they're doing the Baba Booey Audio Book challenge now too. He said you can chop up the audio of his book and send it in to win 5 grand.
Howard and Robin goofed on Gary some more about the stuff he talks about in the music chapters. Robin was telling Howard about some of the stuff that she liked about the book. Howard did his impression some more and quoted some of Gary's stuff. Robin said Gary and his brother had a system they would use to figure out the way they played the albums out of order on the countdown. They would keep track of all of the songs. Howard said Gary has been wasting time all his life.
Howard asked Robin if she's marking her book. Robin said she is. Howard said every year when ABC did their top 100 songs they'd distribute it on a piece of paper. He said he's not sure why he had to keep track of it on a chart. Howard said that's his producer there.
Howard goofed on him some more and asked which brother it was that came up with the system. Gary said that was Steven. Howard said he can't goof on him since he's dead now. Robin said she loved that chapter and said it was the best.
Howard said Beth asked him if he ever met Gary's brother Steven. Howard said he thinks he did but he wasn't sure. Howard said he did go to the funeral though. Gary said he invited his brother up there many times and he never wanted to come up. He said he's not sure why that was. He said he may have been afraid of them finding out he was gay and goofing on him or something. Howard said maybe he just didn't care.
Howard said he has to go back and re-read Gary's book. He said when you get to write a book there should be important stuff in there but Gary is writing about Casey Kasem. Howard said the guy has no talent other than being able to read well. Gary said he didn't know that as a kid.
Gary said he just found out what song Casey was ranting about in that infamous clip they play. He said it was the song ''Shannon.'' Howard played some of that song and then played the Casey Kasem freak out clip where he complains about doing a death dedication for a dog coming out of a song.
Howard said that no one could have a less stressful job than Casey Kasem. He said that he has a list of music he has to read. Howard said he's acting like it's a whole science. Howard said the guy just read a list.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Casey Kasem audio clips. They called a Chinese restaurant and had him doing a countdown ordering the top 10 numbers on the menu.
Howard said that Gary's book is already number 36 on the Amazon.com best seller list. Howard said Gary is doing Jimmy Kimmel next week. He's on the Today Show on Friday. Gary said he's going to be doing Kimmel and the Rachel Ray show too. Gary said that he's doing a book signing tonight and Jon Hein will be asking him some questions. He said he's going to do a reading at one of the signings on Saturday. Gary said he has to stand up and read a section of the book to the people who show up. Robin said a lot of authors like to do that. She said that he may not have time to do that.
Gary said he's in Boston on Friday and he has to go do something at Harvard at some theater. Howard asked why he would read to the people though. Gary said it's just a few pages to give the people a flavor of the book. Howard wished Gary luck with the book and all of the stuff he's up to with that.
Howard said he had a guy write in about how good the show was yesterday. The guy said he was glued to the radio listening to him rant about Joel Hollander. Howard said he told his shrink about that during therapy yesterday. Howard said he had no idea what he had said after 45 minutes of ranting and raving. Howard said he did curse a lot but didn't use the N-word. Howard said he had no idea how the time had even passed. Howard said that's a little scary actually. He said that just set him off.
Howard read an email from a guy who said that Gary was wrong about the character in Monopoly being Mr. Money Bags. It's actually Rich Uncle Penny Bags. Howard said that the guy was wondering if anyone else wondered that. Gary said he just threw it out there and he wasn't saying it with authority. Gary said he's not sure that the guy is right. Fred said he looked it up and he's right. He said he has a first name of Milburn too. Howard said that they also say that they've changed his name to Mr. Monopoly in the past few years. Howard said he looks like those Richie Rich comics. He said he prefers the real looking comic books and not those type.
Howard said someone emailed in and suggested something for Stuttering John to do for Jay Leno on his show. The guy suggested that they put John in the trunk of that Green Car and just drive it off a cliff. Howard said that's just some of the things that are going on. He had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and asked what happened to that group. That led to them talking about the legalization of pot for a minute.
Howard said he can't get enough of this Capri Anderson. He said he's seeing all kinds of pictures and video of her all over the place. Howard said there are pictures of her shaved pussy and things like that. He was checking some of that out and reading the quotes they had on the site he was on. He said the guy writing that stuff was's that great of a writer. Robin said she can't believe that her family didn't know what she was up to. She said this is a lot to take in for such a short time.
Howard read more of the Capri Anderson stuff and then took a call from a woman who was on speaker phone. Howard just kept reading more of the Capri Anderson stuff to her as she listened in. Howard said there's a lot of porno out there of this Capri Anderson. He said he can't imagine why Charlie would be willing to pay her $12,000 but he can see why he'd want to pay her a few bucks. He said Charlie seems to be into humiliating himself.
The caller asked Howard if he had heard Phil Hendrie at all. Howard said he knows Phil. The caller said that he's great and wondered if Howard heard any of his stuff. Howard said he's seen Phil work and he has been in the studio with him while he worked. the caller said that he's back on terrestrial radio doing a show very late at night. She said he's just as funny as ever. She said he's syndicated around the country so she hears him on in Tucson. Howard said the guy is an amazing guy. Howard said Phil will interview someone over the phone and do all of the voices. Howard said he'll make it sound like he's on the phone with a woman who has sex with a dog. He plays his own callers and things like that. Howard said they have callers who will call in and yell at the fake voices he's doing.
Howard spent a minute talking about what a great talent the guy is. The caller said she loves his show and told Howard about some of the stuff she has heard him do that she's liked. She said that it sounds real but it's totally not. Robin said he doesn't have to worry about booking guests then. Howard said Phil is a good guy. The caller said he's just amazing.
Howard said he recommended that they hire him there but he must have a deal with a syndication company. Howard said he can't convince them to do anything there. Howard said he's amazed that people think that Robin is real. He said he's actually doing the voices for him and for her. Howard said Fred is real though. He said he couldn't begin to do that voice. Howard said he was on Showbiz Tonight last night doing his impression of Robin.
Lisa said that Steve does some stuff in Gary's audio book (They Call Me Baba Booey [Audio CD]).
Lisa said that Gary went on the Nancy Sinatra show yesterday. Howard did an impression of Gary talking to her about some of the stuff in the book. Robin got in on that too and did her impression of Gary. Howard said you read that book and it's mind numbing. Robin said every word is a gem.
Howard asked what Nancy thought of Gary. Lisa said that Nancy loves Gary. Lisa said that Gary will be on Rosie O'Donnell's show during the Wrap Up Show today. They're going to be simulcasting that on Howard's channel and on Rosie's show today. Howard said he'll definitely be listening to that. Howard goofed on Gary about that for a minute. He and Robin were doing their impressions of Gary once again. They were quoting his book and making fun of all of that. Fred was doing his Booey impression too.
Lisa said there was a press release that came out saying Robin will be running the San Francisco marathon in July. Howard asked Robin what she's doing. Robin said it's a good opportunity for her 15 Foundation. Howard said that there must be other opportunities. Robin said that she's working with the people out there to do the run. Robin said she didn't enjoy the training during the training but when she's able to stop and get a rest it'll be okay. Robin said that she thought she was going to be turned off to running but now that she's tapering and recovering she's feeling much better. She said she still likes running.
Howard said he likes that Robin is running and getting worn out. Robin said she just passes out now. Howard said he feels like she's got crazy energy and when she runs it's a little more even. Robin said she thinks that it's tapered off a bit lately. Robin said she has a long time to rest before the marathon next summer.
Howard said Shuli has been tweeting Lisa-isms from the news room and they're really funny. Lisa said she even laughs because she can't believe she has said some of that stuff. Howard said he had them printed out but he lost them. Howard said some of them are great. Howard said that Jackie used to be great at picking out things that Robin said. He said that's what Shuli does with Lisa. Howard asked Jason for the memo that had them all on it. Jason said there wasn't anything specific on it. Howard read a bunch of the Lisa G quotes that Shuli has posted. They're just random thoughts that come out of her in the news room.
Howard found the whole thing funny. He read a ton of the quotes and got some laughs out of everyone including Lisa. Howard said even Lisa likes them. He said she may have a book in her. Lisa said that she might have a TV show in her.
Lisa said she had one more thing about the Jim Florentine roast that will be benefiting Greg Giraldo's kids. That's tonight at Comix in New York City.
Howard played the clip where Jon Hein asked JD about Robin's stockings and he wasn't able to get out a sentence without stammering. Gary was also talking about Robin's clingy shirt and Howard stopped the clip saying that they were getting really creepy with that stuff. He played more of the clip and JD was talking about seeing the stockings and how it stopped him in his tracks. JD was saying that Robin is more of a sister to him than anything so he has a hard time getting turned on by that stuff.
Howard played a Little Mikey song that was inspired by those stockings. He had created the song already and the stockings thing just happened yesterday. Howard said he likes that one. It was to the tune of ''These Boots Are Made For Walking.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit too. Howard said he liked that Chinse Confusion prank call too. He said that's one of his favorites.
Howard said he was reading about the SIRIUS stock going up and up. He said they're saying that it was up to $1.58 on Monday. He said that they think it's because in the second quarter they made money over the same time last year. Howard said he was confused by what they were saying. He said that the car business is coming back too so that's helping them out. Howard said Mel knows how to talk about all of that stuff. Howard read some of his quotes about the earnings report. Howard said he found it funny that the SEC came to him asking questions about the stock there and he really has no idea how it all works. He said that people think he's some kind of genius but he's really not. Howard said he doesn't know what buying on a margin means or anything like that. He has no idea what goes on in the stock market. He just tries to follow it a little bit.
Robin said she was reading about a guy who was into the market and he could understand it all. Howard said he has no answers for any of that stuff. Howard said he hasn't been able to figure out anything.
Howard said he's proud of being able to give himself a manicure. He said he clipped his nails last night and then used the emery board on it to make them smooth. He said that was pretty cool and it was like he had just learned something new. He said it was a new discovery for him.
Robin said that Scott DePace is like that guy who thinks that they should know everything automatically. Howard said he feels like Tom Hanks in that movie where he gets stranded on an island. He said he's discovering stuff all the time and he has no idea what he's doing most of the time. Robin said that she was watching that Jane Goodall special on 60 Minutes and the monkeys are very smart when it comes to getting food and things.
Howard said this video starts out with the girl talking rationally. He said that at the end of the video she's almost retarded. He said it's like it makes you dumb.
Howard played the clip of the woman talking about what she'd like the guys to do to her. It was like a fantasy that she had. Then the clip goes into the woman screaming and making all kinds of animalistic sounds. Howard said she sounded possessed. JD said that went on for like 45 minutes. JD said it was one of the craziest things he's ever seen.
Howard played more of the clip and the woman sounded like she was speaking in tongues. Howard said ''Oh my god'' at one point. The guys who were doing stuff to the woman told her she had just another 30 minutes to go. Howard said he's not sure he could take 30 minutes of that.
Howard played another clip where the woman was moaning and talking but not making any sense as she was talking. The guys were vibrating her and fingering her and trying to make her squirm throughout the whole thing. Howard played the clips and the woman was just screaming.
JD said that all of this is on HogTied.com. Howard played the last bit of the tape and the woman was barely able to speak. She sounded like she was really out of it. Howard asked Robin if she's ever been fucked that feeble. Robin said she's always been able to talk after sex. Howard said it's like the guy fucked her retarded. There was another broad in the room so Howard asked what was up with that. JD said she was there to lighten the mood. He said she was masturbating on top of the other girl when she passed out. Howard said that sounds really weird to him. He said he'd be a little concerned. He said he'd be a little nervous if he was that woman.
Howard said this whole thing doesn't seem that safe. He said he hopes that the kids don't get into this kind of stuff. Howard played more of the tape and the woman was still out of it and she was being asked if her hands were okay. Robin said this sounds like a horror film. Howard wondered what has happened in porn that they have to do this kind of thing.
Howard said it sounds like Harry is a good guy. He said that he volunteered across party lines to do that. Harry said that New York needs a turn around too and he'd like to be the one who does that. Robin said New York needs to fix the roads because she's barely able to use her mouse on her computer in the back of a limo while driving around.
Robin said she read that Harry is going to do a forensic analysis of the spending in New York to see where every bit of money is going. Howard said that Harry is going to do it and no one else has done it in the past. Harry said that the Comptroller is supposed to be the watch dog and go out and figure out where the money is going. Harry said that the guy who is in office now was appointed and not elected. Harry said that guy was a supporter of these programs so he's not going to go back and look at this stuff.
Howard asked Harry if he thinks that everyone understands all of this and if they know enough to elect him. Harry said he hopes so. He said he hopes that they will look at his background and vote for him. Howard asked him if he was ever a witch. Harry laughed and said he was never a witch. Robin said that he may need to be President. Howard said they have to calm down and just get him in there first.
Howard found out that Harry is 39 and has a wife and 4 kids. Howard asked if he always wanted to do something with numbers. Harry said he was an athlete and class president in high school. He said he played a bunch of sports. Howard said it sounds like he was a hit with the ladies. Harry said he always tried but he probably wasn't. Howard waned to find out more about his love life but Harry didn't want to go there. Howard asked if his wife was his first girlfriend. Harry said they met in college and it wasn't his first. Howard asked if he went to Harvard. He did and he had 1510 on his SATs. Howard asked what he got on math. He said he got 800. Howard said that's the stuff they should put in his ads. Howard asked what his opponent got on his math SAT. Harry said he wasn't sure.
Howard asked Harry if his wife went to Harvard too. Harry said that she did. She's home with the kids today though. Howard said he's digging this guy. He said he could be making a fortune in the private sector. Harry said that he's very fortunate to be able to give back the way he is now.
Harry told Howard where he has worked and how he worked at some investment firms. He said he went to Harvard and got his MBA as well. Howard said he admires him. Howard said if he had an MBA from Harvard he would cash in. Howard said he wouldn't want to be Comptroller. Howard said he's digging this guy's whole vibe. Robin said they may have found the one good person out there.
Gary said that Harry's opponent is trying to paint Harry as a silver spoon kind of guy. Howard said that Harry sounds good to him. Gary said there's nothing wrong with a guy making money either.
Harry said that his opponent spent 24 years bankrupting the state so he wants to correct the record and show that he's just making stuff up. Harry said he's worked hard and now he's trying to give back by doing this. Howard said he likes how this guy is going after Harry for being successful. Howard said that he has enough money from his hard work that he doesn't have to worry anymore. Harry said that's probably what he'd say. Howard said that he must have enough money that he's like a multi-millionaire. Harry said he could say that.
Howard said that he thought Harry only had the one girlfriend but Harry said that he had more than one. Howard asked if he ever screamed out the N-word in a hotel room. Harry said he definitely did not. Howard said he hopes that this guy gets elected. He'd like to give him a shot and let him do his thing in office. Howard asked if he would try to run for any other office in the future. Harry said he doesn't think so. He said he believes in term limits and he hopes that in 4 years he can say he helped fix New York State like he helped fix General Motors.
Howard said he thinks that Harry could work with Cuomo if he gets elected governor. Harry said he will do what he can. Howard said that accoutring is very boring but he admires people who can do it. He said he likes the whole concept and he will be voting after work and he will vote for Harry. Robin said she will too.
Howard asked Harry why the SIRIUS stock is going up. Harry said he wasn't sure because he hadn't looked at it lately. He said that he's been so busy with the campaign that he hasn't had time to look at it. He said he's also a Howard Stern listener but he's always on the phone in the mornings now.
Howard said that you have to admire someone who wants to come along and get the spending under control. He said he likes Harvard guys like this. He said he saw the Facebook movie and guys like that are genius. Howard said he doesn't mind that a guy gets an 800 on his math SAT. Harry said he finds it funny that they attack him for having experience. He said that's really odd.
Howard said he should just get in there and get the job done. Howard said he's going to friend him on Facebook. Howard gave him his endorsement and said he will be going out and voting for him today. Harry said if he doesn't get elected then he'll be sad but his wife may be happy. He said that he hopes to get in there to make a big difference there in New York. Harry said that the polls showed they were dead even so he's hoping that the undecided votes go his way. Robin said he needs all the help he can get so go out and vote for Harry Wilson. Harry wished Robin good luck in the Marathon on Sunday. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said his dad read up on the guy and he wanted him to vote for him. Howard asked Robin if she's going to vote today. Robin said of course she is. Howard said he liked that the guy called in. He said he hopes that people vote for a good candidate and not just the party guy. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that John Lennon was something else. He said that shit stain that killed him is such an asshole. He said there are so many assholes out there. He said there's no hope for the world with people like that out there. Robin told him to stop it. Robin said they do have Harry Wilson out there.
Howard said he likes that forensic accoutring thing they were talking about. He said that's what we need. Robin said he's right about that. Robin said they do need to know where the money is going.
Howard said he heard that Scott DePace and Will were out in the hall yelling about the IQ test. Howard said that Scott already took it but Will is going to take it in this next round. Howard asked what the argument was about. They were still out there arguing.
Scott said Will is just being a baby. He thinks that there's too much weight on it. Will said that Scott goes around bragging about it all the time and he's getting nervous because Howard is putting so much pressure on him. Howard said Sal tested the lowest of the guys who took it there and he's just as important than the rest of the guys there. He said he's not going by IQ for what he thinks of the people that work there. Howard said Sal gets his respect even with that low IQ.
Will said he's freaked out by the damn test. Robin said no one is evaluating him. Will said that's bull. He said he wouldn't be taking the test if it wasn't going to be evaluated. Howard said Scott is just pushing some buttons in the control room.
Scott said this whole thing came about when he mentioned that he wanted to hear what Harry Wilson's IQ was. Scott said Will told him to stop with the IQ score. Scott said it's relevant to the show. Howard said Will shouldn't be freaking out so much. Will said that Howard makes judgments on things like that. He said he's afraid that he's going to do that with him. Howard said Sal is fucking funny though. He said that he had that low IQ but he's still great at his job.
Gary said Sal wants to come in now too. Sal came in and said that it doesn't matter how smart Will is. He said he's as boring as a wood shed. Sal asked Will what he's done other than growing that Amish beard. Sal said everyone hates Scott so he's going to hate him too. Howard said that Will is going to get an ulcer with that kind of worry. Will said that he's not even sure when he's taking his test.
Howard told Will to keep it in perspective and remember who the most important people are on the show. They don't have huge IQs. Scott said that Jon Hein has been saying he has so much to lose and he wants him to stop with that. Will said that he believes he's smarter than Scott and he has to beat him. He said he doesn't care what the IQ test says, he thinks he's smarter than Scott.
Howard said that IQ is just one form of intelligence. It just shows your potential. Scott said he may not use his whole potential. Howard said you can't help it if you don't have a high IQ. Scott said Will said he was going to quit if he has a 110 IQ. Howard said if he has above a 130 he should quit too. He said that he's too smart to be working there if that's the case.
Howard told Will to calm down. Scott kept throwing in his 122 IQ score. Will told him to shut up. Howard said if you walked around the halls there you'd see this idiotic arguing. Howard said that's why he demands that the halls are quiet when he's done with the show. Howard said everyone should be working.
Howard played the clip where Evi was talking about how this hit squad wants to take their lives so they can take their royalties. Randy was saying that there are people chasing them around and trying to steal their money and breaking into their computers and things like that. Randy said that it was all to sell advertising space.
Howard said that they're accusing a lot of people of trying to steal their royalties and things like that. He said that Randy sounds kind of rational in these clips. Randy said that he thinks that David Carradine and Heath Ledger were killed and it's possible for people to steal your life. Howard wondered what the chances are that two people could find each other who have the same paranoia.
Howard played another part of the interview where they were asked who they fear for and who might be targeted. They mentioned Lindsay Lohan and some others. They think that murder and embezzlement do happen so they'd like someone to investigate that stuff. Randy said they're not faking this stuff, they're confronting it.
Howard said crazy people never think they're crazy. They always think they're normal. He played more of the audio and Randy was saying that he loves his brother, Dennis, and things have been kind of rough the past couple of years. He said he thinks his brother is being victimized the same way he is. He said his brother doesn't respond. Then his wife said that Dennis is on a treadmill of making awful movies at this point.
Howard said that he tried to watch that Joaquin Phoenix movie where he was supposed to be whacked out of his skull. He said the movie was boring and it ultimately blew.
Howard said maybe he can call in about the forced orgasm clip on one of those shows. Howard said he didn't see the Rosie show on the line up. He wondered what was up with that. Howard said maybe Gary can ask Rosie about that today when he talks to her during the Wrap Up Show.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard about some of the shows they're doing on the network and they're going to be doing one where they find the next big TV star. Howard said maybe they should go on that one. He wondered if Oprah would ever hire him to do a show. He said he doesn't think that she would because of her morality.
Howard said he read about a poll that was done where they asked which New Yorkers should leave New York. Howard said he was on the list and got a bunch of votes. Howard said it turns out they only had 5 names on the list. Howard played some audio of a news report about that. The reporters read about Rudy Giuliani and Howard Stern being the top 2. Howard said it sounded weird to him and when he saw the list there were 5 people on there. He said that they asked people to vote on that list.
Jon read off some of the other shows they're going to have on the network. Some of the shows that were missing were the Jenny McCarthy show and the Rosie O'Donnell show. Howard said Jenny won't even come in there to promote this new show. Howard said he wants to know what happened to the Playboy Playmate who was hot and doing wild stuff. He said he misses the wild and fun Jenny. He said she's full of advice now. She's busy doing Jim Carrey voices instead now. Howard said she's written a bunch of books since they last saw her. Robin guessed it was 5. Howard said she's written 7 books.
Howard said he doesn't understand the law. He said this guy punched her in the face and they lock him up for a month and then let him go. Howard said a month doesn't do anything.
Yvonne said that her boyfriend had a drinking problem and she thought he would change if he cleaned up. Howard said that if a guy punches you, run. He asked the woman if she's overweight. She said she's fit. Howard said it sounds like she didn't have many options. She said she did have low self esteem. She told Howard that she was about 175 pounds at the time. Howard said she liked having a boyfriend and that's why she stuck with him. It was the lack of options.
Yvonne said that her next boyfriend was abusive too. She said that she tried to kick him out of the house and the cops let him come right back. Howard cut her off and said he hopes that she's happy now. She said she is now. She said they run a web site called PhotoYeti.com
Howard had a game for Yvonne. He said that he was going to play a song that Pete the Asian Virgin was singing and she had it guess what it was. He played the song and Robin got it. Howard tried to help her figure it out. The lyrics were almost understandable. Yvonne said she was drawing a blank. Howard said it was ''Hotel California.''
Howard gave Yvonne a second chance but no one was able to guess what it was. It was ''Crazy Train'' by Ozzy Osbourne. Yvonne got a third chance since she wasn't having any luck. The third one was ''Highway to Hell'' and it was so easy she got it immediately. She won $711 from 7-Eleven for that.
Howard said he's been getting W magazine there at the station and he saw that Kim Kardashian was naked in the magazine. He said she's showing full tittie in there. Howard seemed surprised by that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a feeling Howard is leaving there and he's going to miss him. The guy said that it would be nice if Sal and Richard would call someone other than a ''pitza parlor'' and Chinese restaurants. Howard said it's funny that Sal says ''pitzaria.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's worried about Will and how scared he is about the IQ test. Howard said it is kind of weird that he's so worried. Howard said that a bunch of people are going to be taking the test. He wanted a list from Gary but he figured Gary was out doing book promotion.
Robin asked if they tested Gary the Retard. Howard said they did not. Robin said that it would be funny if he beat some of the people on the how.
Another caller said he can't believe that Rachel Fine is with Richie Wilson. He said that chick is amazing and he can't believe she's with Richie. Howard couldn't take the guy's phone connection so he had to let him go.
Another caller said that he was following that Sabrina Deep chick last week on her Twitter and he went down to meet her. He said there were like 7 or 8 people hanging out there. He said that he got blown by her and one of his buddies fucked her. He said her teeth are nasty but it was kind of fun busting a nut in her mouth. He said it was intense. The guy said that her teeth didn't look right and they were kind of yellow. Howard said she's blowing guys all the time so what do you want? The caller said he thought it was bullshit that she fucks her fans but it turns out to be true. He said she was a good time.
Howard asked where she took him to blow him. The guy said they went to the bathroom at the place they were at. He said he's not sure what she did with the rest of the guys. The guy said that he was in the bathroom with her and he went in and she started blowing him. He said he got the fuck out of there after he was done. His buddy wore a rubber and fucked her from behind. He said he didn't use a rubber when he came in her mouth. He said she was loving every fucking minute of it too. He said she really is a dirty, fucking whore. Howard asked how long it took to finish. the guy said it took a few minutes since he had guys waiting in line to get her.
The caller asked Howard if he saw the Jesse Ventura show about the Plum Island thing. Howard said he didn't see it. The caller said it was some crazy shit. Howard said he had to get going because he had David Arquette on the phone.
David told Howard that he had to thank him for bringing him down to earth. Howard said he was going to call him the other night but he got busy. He said he saw that David and Courteney were out trick or treating over the weekend. David was shocked there were pictures of that. David said that Courteney was very funny and sweet that night. He said she ended up getting pissed that night. He said they have some paintings in their house and a pair of keys may have gone through one of the paintings.
Howard asked David about some of the stuff he said when he was in there recently. He asked David about saying that the sex with Courteney was mundane. David said that's not really what he said. Howard said that he would like to have mature, loving sex.
David said he wants to throw Howard a party and he'll do it in New York or Miami or wherever. He said if he re-signs or whatever he does he wants to have a party. Howard said he'll get that together as soon as he figures out what he's going to be doing. David said that they'll set everything up for him so he doesn't have to lift a finger. David said they'll pack the place with their freak show and Howard can pack it with his friends. Howard said that sounds good to him.
Howard told David to bring that Australian chick he banged to the party. David said she went home. Howard said that's not what he heard. David said it was nice talking to them like he wanted to get off the line. Howard spent another minute with him before letting him go.
Steve said that he had to compose himself for a second or two when he was doing the interview. Steve said he didn't stop the tape recorder or anything.
Steve said they have some news about Gary's book release today. He said they have details about the book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and some of the stories. Robin talked about one of the stories that Gary tells in the book. She said that was another one that was really funny to her. It was about Gary running away with his brother.
Steve said that Gary's book signing is tonight. His play lists are also available on iTunes. They mentioned that one of Gilbert O'Sullivan's songs was on there. Howard wondered what was up with that. Steve said that song is one of the worst songs of all time. They goofed on Gary about those lists and the songs he had on them.
Steve said that Lee Abrams was saying that Howard may be recognized as one of the all time greats in radio. Howard said Lee was at XM when they were trying to sign him over there. Howard said that he just wasn't able to convince them that they needed him.
Robin mentioned more of Gary's stories from his book and goofed on him about some of those. They spent a few minutes goofing on him about that stuff. Howard said he can't imagine what Gary's writer helper was thinking when he heard these stories. Howard said he imagines Gary telling him about his mother's lasagna and things like that.
Ralph called in and said he was thinking about going out and getting Gary's book. Howard told him to do it. Ralph asked if the story about him blowing the guy for the chocolate bar is in there. Gary said that didn't happen. He said he didn't blow anyone. He told Ralph not to rain on his parade. Howard said he didn't blow him. He said he just gave the guy a hand job. Howard said they don't talk about that because Gary was doing that for ''treats.'' Howard said it's no big deal.
Gary said the last time they talked about that his father was still alive and his father got into a fist fight over it. Howard said he loved that Gary said ''treats were involved'' when he told that story.
Howard let Ralph go and said that he doesn't remember that whole story. Gary said he's not talking about it. He said he doesn't mind it so much but other people do. Gary said he won't talk about that story. Fred threw in a line as Gary saying ''This is like candy. It has a creamy center!'' while they were talking about the ''treats'' story.
Howard asked Gary about some of the other stuff in the book where he talks about his dad being called a ''banana head'' and how he jumped over the counter of a diner to beat the shit out of a guy. Gary said he just shoved him up against a wall and threatened the guy. Gary said he only did that a few times in his whole life. He did it at a Jets game once too. Howard said it sounds like ''They Called My Dad Banana Head'' could be the sequel.
Steve finished up his news preview with plugs for Jackie and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight at 7 and Midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show. They talked about a few of the things Jon mentioned.
Howard said he thinks that maybe Gary's Treats story should have been in the book. Fred said the Schvoogie Buzzer story was missing too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should keep Gary out of the studio. He said that he goes around spewing nonsense all the time. He said that Gary Twitters all day long even when he's at the office. Howard said that his publicists may be telling him to do that. Gary said he does it like 3 or 4 times a day or not at all. Gary said he's not sure why he thinks he's doing it so much. The caller said he had them right there. The guy read one of the Tweets and it wasn't Gary's. Gary said the guy was just being a dick. The guy said he though it was the real thing so maybe he's the dummy.
Howard said people fake Beth's Twitter too and the person will write that she just fucks him for his money. People believe it's her too. Gary said there was a fake Mary on there too. He said people thought it was really her when she was saying that she's so embarrassed by her husband.
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Robin started off with a story about Obama's health care plan and if birth control is really preventative care. Robin said that some religious groups are arguing that it's not something they should have as preventative health care.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Al Kooper because Howard and the guys were talking about him during the Gary music discussion. The guy said that he doesn't think that Al gets his props. Howard said people are so peculiar. He said that they take music so seriously. That led to the guys goofing on Gary about his music knowledge some more. They were making fun of him for liking Steely Dan and Gilbert O'Sullivan. Robin said she likes Steely Dan too so he can't make fun of that. Howard said he likes them too but not that much. Howard said Gary's book is so funny. That led to Howard playing audio of Gary's MTV audition where he had problems saying ''bustiere'' and some other words. Howard did his impression of Gary some more during that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just picked up a copy of Gary's book and he said that the font is like a children's book. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he's only seen the Galley copy. Robin said that's what she has too.
JD came in and said that he has never seen the history of the font before but that's what they have in Gary's book. Howard said he had never heard about that either. He said they really did run out of stuff to write about. Gary said he had nothing to do with that. He said he didn't even know it was in there until JD mentioned it.
Howard read the font history that JD was talking about. They talk about where the font came from and he wondered who the fuck would care about that. Howard asked what kind of tree the paper came from. Fred said ''I believe it was knotty pine...'' in his Gary voice.
The caller asked if Artie is going to be coming on before they leave. Howard said they hope to see Artie there before they leave. Gary said he had to tell Howard something off the air that was kind of personal. They went to break after that.
After the break Howard had Robin get right back to her news. Robin read a story about a man who was beating his wife in front of their kids so the kids had to call 9-1-1. She had the 9-1-1 call to play. Howard played that clip and the kid was asking for help because her daddy was hurting her mommy. Robin said the wife was unconscious and the husband had to be tasered to get him under control.
Robin read a story about Ricky Martin coming out of the closet. Robin had some quotes from him on why he came out.
Robin read about the elections going on today. She had various details about things that people will be voting on.
Robin read a story about how health professionals want to cut back on the amount of sodium that's in foods. Robin read some other food news and how they're cutting back on high calorie beverages they have at schools.
Robin read about a teenager in New York who claims a man tried to lure him into his SUV. That led to Ralph calling in and talking about some strange things that have happened to Howard. Howard said he just turns everyone off.
Robin read that Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his third wife. Robin said she thought that it was going to be the wife filing the papers but it's actually Charlie. Howard asked Robin if she had to date Charlie or Mike Tyson, who would she pick? Robin said she can't choose. She said that's an impossible choice.
Robin said that Zach Galifianakis worked with Mike Tyson in the first Hangover movie but he refused to work with Mel Gibson. She said that Mike is a convicted rapist. Howard said that is odd.
Robin read about how Demi Lovatto being a cutter and she's gone into rehab. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he thinks that a lot of hot chicks do that cutting thing.
Robin had some audio of Michelle Obama going out and trying to get people to vote. They played those clips and spent a short time on that story.
Robin read a story about Gary Conditt being up on the stand in a murder trial. Robin read the details of that story.
Robin read about how the World Series is now over. She said that they played the last game last night when the Giants beat the Rangers. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on the game.
Robin read about this being the 10th anniversary of humans living aboard the International Space Station. Robin said she's not sure what that thing does for us. Howard said ''nothing.'' Robin had some audio of some of the astronauts that spent time up there.
Robin read about AOL introducing a new home page and new content. Robin had some audio of an AOL spokesperson talking about what their new page is all about.
Robin read about Kim Kardashian working on a new album. She's said that she's had some positive feedback about that. Robin said that Lebron James has also said he's not dating Kim Kardashian.
Robin said that the voice of Charlie O'Donnell has been silenced. She had some audio of Charlie who used to do the When of Fortune announcing. Robin said that Charlie has passed away. Howard said he would love that job. He said it sounds like a cush gig. Robin asked Howard who the original host of Wheel of Fortune was. Howard took some guesses but he was wrong. Robin said it was actually Chuck Wollery. They spent a short time talking about that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Jon ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today. He wanted to start off with Harry Wilson. Gary said he got an email last night from a woman in his organization and her job is to answer stuff on the internet about the candidate. Gary said there was a lot of crap on the internet about Hillary Clinton and she was hired to go out and answer questions. Gary said the woman got a hold of him and asked Howard if he wanted him on and Howard said yes.
Jon said Howard's dad did some research on him and told Howard about the guy. They talked about that and Benjy said that he usually just votes for Libertarians but this guy seemed like he was so together that he'd probably vote for him. Benjy said he really liked the guy. Jon asked if he's one of those guys that almost seems like he's ''too together.'' Gary didn't think that was the case.
The guys talked about what the Comptroller does and no one was really sure exactly what the job was. JD was in so Gary asked who he was voting for. JD told them who he won't be voting for too.
Benjy said he doesn't think that he defined it right. He said it's like they keep doing the orgasms over and over and over. JD had said it was just one orgasm but it seemed like it was more than one.
Jon asked JD it he was attracted to the girl. JD said she wasn't that hot. Jon asked what he'd be looking for in a porn star. JD said he'd like a chick with a perfect face, perfect ass and perfect tits. Gary asked for more details than that. JD said he would say that he'd like the perfect tits of Charlie Chase, the ass of Alexis Texas and the face of Natasha Nice. He said he really likes the juicy, round ass on that Alexis Texas.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he's still fucking that stripper. JD said the option is still there. They still talk. He said he hasn't hung out with her for a while. Jon asked if they've talked about moving the relationship forward. JD said they haven't. He said she moved so it takes a long time to get to see her. He said it's like over an hour of travel for him. JD said that he doesn't like where he lives. He doesn't bring her there. Jon asked about moving to Weehawken, New Jersey. JD said he doesn't think he'll be moving anytime soon. He said he likes living in New York. He said it's fine. He said the subways run regular so you know... JD said he doesn't want to bother changing his license.
Steve Brandano asked JD to move in with him in Jersey but JD hasn't taken him up on the offer. Jon asked if he's offended by that. Steve said he was offended the first couple of times he asked but now it's just par for the course.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was sick hearing Gary talking about the Comptroller thing until he heard JD and Benjy talking about it. The guy said that anyone who calls into the Stern Show is going to come off friendly and good to vote for. Gary said that Paladino doesn't come across as friendly when he's being interviewed. Benjy said that he gets what the guy is saying. He said that Cuomo comes across as a car salesman type or a phony. Gary said he doesn't know about that. He said that he knows his dad and he though the was a good governor but Howard doesn't agree with him on that.
The caller asked Gary what he didn't like Linda McMahon. Gary said he didn't know that much about her and he finds it interesting that she was the mastermind behind the WWE but he never heard her name. Gary said she's also running a dirty campaign from what he's heard. Gary said he didn't like what he heard about all of that.
Gary said that he had a level of IQ that he didn't want to come in at. His low number was 108 and if he had come in that low then he would have been depressed. JD came in at a 106 but Gary said that was just a number for himself and not for anyone else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's weird to see Will acting the way he does. He said he should have done it in the first round and he could have avoided all of this. He said Jon should have done it then too. Scott DePace came in and said that Jon is scared. The caller said Jon has to go out and prove it now and that's why he's got to prove himself and show that he's the overwhelming favorite.
The caller asked Jon if he thinks he's the smartest one there. Jon said he really doesn't but the caller didn't believe that.
Gary asked Scott if he was worried about him in the contest. Scott said he didn't think Gary was going to be that close. Gary said he didn't think his name was being thrown in there up at the top of the list.
Gary asked Scott what kind of number Jon or Will could get that he'll admit that they're smarter than him. Scott said it has to be a big spread. He said just a couple of points doesn't mean anything. He said he'd love to put it in Jon and Will's faces if they get a lower score though.
Gary asked Scott if he's the smartest one in the control room. Scott said there are a couple of guys who are very smart in there and he's not necessarily the smartest.
Jon said he thinks Howard and Fred are smarter than him. Scott isn't. He said Benjy could be smarter than him. He said he thinks he might be a little smarter than Robin. Scott asked what makes him think that he's smarter than him. Jon said that he just thinks that way.
The guys talked to Scott about who he thinks he's smarter than. Scott said he's not sure about everyone but he thinks that he's smarter than Robin. He said that he might be close to Benjy. Scott said that he might be horrible at math though. Benjy said he's not horrible but he night be above average. Scott thinks that he'd be about a 105. Gary said there's no way he's a 105. Benjy said they'll never find out. He said he's not going to take the test. He said he'll take it at ''the new place'' wherever that is.
Jon asked Scott about getting into it with Will out in the hall and then calming down in the studio. Scott said he was just telling Will that it would be interesting to know what that Wilson guy's IQ would be. Will said that Scott brings up the IQ thing all the time. He said he loves to rub it in everyone's face. Scott said that test just proved that he's not stupid. He said it doesn't really mean anything. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Robin took pleasure in talking about some of his book today. He had Teddy play some clips of Robin talking about those sections of the book.
After the clip Gary said Robin is reading the book way to slowly. He said she's reading like a chapter a day. He said they're goofing on the book and it helps with sales so he's fine with that. Gary said he's going back and reading Robin's book so he has some pages handy. He said he has to tell the story about Robin stepping on Howard's face and flashing guys in her car.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary should do research on Howard and Robin's books to see how well they did. He said that he doesn't want Howard getting mad at him. Gary said he's pretty sure he won't come close to what Howard and Robin did. Gary said it would be almost impossible to do that. He said he'd be happy with 15 percent of what Howard sold on that first day.
Another caller said that he's going to pick up the book today. Gary told him to come and visit him at his book signing in Philly in a couple of weeks. Gary said he's doing a bunch of them around the country and he can't even keep track of them. He said he has to check out BabaBooey.com to keep track himself.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if he's gotten any feedback about sales yet. She said she's seen some people buying more than one copy. Gary said he hasn't heard anything. He's not sure how quickly they can give him that information. Jon said that Amazon is the best place to see how the sales are.
Gary said that the big books usually come out on Tuesdays and he's not sure why that is. Jon said that's the same for DVDs. Gary said they tried to time this release for this day for whatever reason. Gary said they had the book done by September and they needed 6 weeks times to print and ship the books out.
Jon asked Gary why Steve attacked Gilbert O'Sullivan so bad. Gary said he's not sure. Jon also asked about the treats story and why he's not doing that. Gary said he doesn't want to talk about it because the family isn't happy about it. He said some day he'll talk about it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks the sales will be affected by the voting. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he's not worried about it. People are out and there are so many ways to get the book that he's not worried.
The caller told Benjy he was glad he was back on the show. He asked Benjy if he thinks he's back in there because of all of the great lines he's written for Howard. Benjy said no. He doesn't think that Howard thinks he does such a great job at work that he let him back in. He said he thinks it's two separate things.
Jon said he thinks it's that he's showing up on time on a regular basis now. Benjy said he doesn't think Howard put that much thought into it. Benjy asked JD if he's voting. JD said he mentioned that earlier and he is voting.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary which names he finds the most amusing to him. The caller said he liked Barbara Booey the best. He also bought Gary's book so he's happy for him on that. Gary said he loves Baba Booey and Barbara Booey is funny too. He said that reminds him of the call Billy West made to him as his cousin Barbara... Barbara Booey. Gary said he likes Fafa Fohi as well. He said he doesn't like Flafla Flooey though. He said Jackie uses that one when he emails him.
The caller said he thinks that if Howard leaves SIRIUS he won't be able to justify paying for him in another format. Gary said that he's not so sure they're leaving. The caller said selling a house takes 6 weeks and they only have 20 shows left so he can't imagine there's another deal in the works. Gary said that doesn't mean that they will or won't leave. Gary said he really has no idea what's going to happen. Jon said there are people there who think that he knows what's going on. Gary said he really doesn't though.
Jon asked Gary what they're doing tonight. Gary said they're going to Barnes and Nobel in Union Square and they'll be reading some of the book and signing books. Gary said that they'll get some questions and stuff like that.
Gary had to run off to do the Rosie O'Donnell Show. They were going to simulcast that interview on the Wrap Up Show.
Jon killed some time talking to the other guys about some things while they waited for that feed to get set up. Teddy was having some problems with the feed.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks Gary will change if this book is huge. Benjy said he doesn't think that will happen. Benjy said he thinks that the perception from beyond them will affect them. Jon had no idea what he was saying. Benjy said he thinks that it will be good for Gary.
Lilly called in and said that Gary is at number 27 in books overall on Amazon.com. She had some other details about how well his book is doing and he's in the top lists of most of them. Jon said he's not surprised at how well the book is doing. He said that they'll learn a lot about the way Gary is and where it all came from. He said some of it is heartbreaking but it's good stuff.
JD and Jon killed some more time before the Gary interview. They were waiting for Gary to get over there and get started. They just cut into the show over Jon and JD for a few seconds. Then Jon said that he's pretty sure that people want to hear the interview and not them.
Gary told Rosie about the Baba Booey call that the guy made to ABC News during the OJ Simpson chase. Gary said it's been on 30 Rock and on SNL and The Simpsons and many places like that. Rosie said they like to ridicule any error Gary makes. Gary's first pitch at the Mets game was another one. Gary told Rosie the story about how he screwed up that pitch.
Rosie asked Gary if he knew it was going to go bad. Gary said he was dry heaving before the pitch. He said he didn't know what happened until he hit the umpire in the mask. He said that Adam Carolla threw a pitch like that once and he threw three pitches until he got it right. He said Adam didn't look like a girl doing it though. Gary said it was traumatizing.
Rosie said she loved Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and how he talked about his family life. She asked about his mother's mental illness and Gary talked about how she had electro shock therapy twice when he was a kid. Gary said he didn't really know what was going on back then since he was just a little kid. He said his father told him that it wasn't his fault. Gary said that Howard told him that his father may have saved his life telling him that because that's something that could really damage a kid if he thinks it is his fault.
Gary told Rosie about the pills that his mom took and she'd keep the bottles for years and years. He said that she would always have pill bottles and he must have thrown out like 200 of them when he moved her into the home she's in now.
Gary talked about his mother going to talk to one of the mothers of a kid who beat him up as a kid. Gary said that his mother started pushing this other woman around and she went down the stoop and pulled the flowers out of the flower bed and started hitting her with the flowers. Gary said the neighbors were all out watching and the cops came and put her in the back of the police cruiser. Gary said he was about 10 at the time.
Rosie asked Gary about his mother calling Howard's mother once. Gary said that they used to make fun of his teeth on the show and one day Howard gave it to him pretty good and his mother heard this and ended up calling Howard's mother to complain. Then Howard's mother called and told Howard about it so Howard called him at home. He said Howard said he was a little hard on him and apologized for that. Gary said that they never apologize for that stuff so he asked what was going on. Howard revealed to him that his mother had called his mother and complained. Gary told him to hit him twice as hard the next day because that was just wrong.
Rosie said she's had similar things happen to her. She said that this was when she was an adult. Gary asked what it was that she said. Rosie said it was something about Kelly that her parents heard and didn't like. She said her parents called her publicist to complain.
Gary said he used to go home and his wife would ask him what happened at work. Gary said they play a game when he asks if she heard the show and she says that she didn't. He said he just tests to find out if she's okay.
Gary said he once played Butt Bongo on a girl on a show they did. He said his wife heard about it and gave him the cold shoulder when he called home. Gary said he got home the next day and it had never dawned on him that it would bother his wife. Gary said she never said there was a line that he couldn't cross but now he self regulates. Rosie had to go to break after that.
Benjy pointed out that Gary may have offended them when he said he had the worst pitch for a straight man. Jon didn't think that it was offensive to them. Jon said that they seemed to have a nice rapport. Benjy said that Rosie used to be an enemy of the show and now she's in the show family. Jon said that does happen from time to time. Jon said that Rosie has been embraced by Howard and she wouldn't be there if it wasn't for Howard.
Jon asked Benjy for some advice on doing the book signing thing tonight. Benjy told him to throw Gary off his game and ask if he's ever had an affair. As they were talking about that Rosie's show came back on.
Rosie asked Gary if he thinks about his brother now. Gary said he thinks about his brother every day. He said he got into this Life Beat thing because of his brother.
Rosie asked Gary how he got on the Howard Stern Show. Gary told Rosie that story and gave her all of the details about how he worked for Imus and heard about Howard and how great he was. He eventually moved over to Howard's show after doing traffic for Imus' show.
Rosie's producer wondered what she's doing wrong that she's not making the kind of money Gary does. Rosie asked Gary about what the worst experience was being the producer. Gary said that he once got hit in the eye by female ejaculate when he was standing near a squirter. They spent a couple more minutes talking before they had to wrap up and end the interview.
Jon came back on and said that Gary did well on the show. They wrapped up Gary's interview and ended the show about a minute later.
Howard started the show talking about how sad he was that the guy they had on the show yesterday running for Comptroller, Harry Wilson, didn't win. Howard said everyone just voted democrat. He thought they had something good there. Howard said that maybe if he had called sooner they could have gotten on that.
Howard said he even called a few people to tell them to vote for Harry. He said everyone he called voted somewhere else. He said they all have homes in other states. He said it's kind of crazy that they have homes everywhere else.
Howard said Harry Wilson sounded like a good guy and a smart guy. He said that he tried to convince some people that he would have been great but he got arguments from some of them. Howard said the guy wanted to do forensic accounting to find out where all of the money is going. He said the guy was a cool dude. Robin said they have to keep on him and hopefully get him another job in politics.
Howard said he voted for Schneiderman and he won for Attorney General. Robin said she voted for him too. She said she hates the new ballots though. Howard said he loved it. Howard said he liked it because it was more organized. Robin doesn't like the two step process. Howard said he figured it out and he liked the way it was working. Howard said he thought it was good and he got the impression that this was a little bit more safe in terms of tampering. Howard said it goes in and it counts right there. He said there's no chance of people taking boxes of votes out of there and throwing them away. He liked it.
Robin said that she didn't like it. She also mentioned that they all vote in the same place. She said she got the reports from the people there. Howard said he got that too. Howard said he went over with Beth and they were selling coffee and cakes as a fund raiser for the PTA. Howard said there were some women there doing that and he walks in and you'd think that he was like the Beatles. He said he got a lot of reaction from the black people there. They all seem to recognize him. He said he's not sure what to say to these people. He said he shook some hands and got all freaked out by that. Howard said this white lady yells out his name when he walked in. He said he said hi and then they gave him the report about who was voting there. The woman yelled out that Regis had voted there. He said she was yelling at him to buy something from the PTA for the kids. He said he was just there to vote. He didn't want to be bothered.
Howard said he was complimented in the sense that the show is a success and that people know who he is but he just wanted to vote. Howard said the people there seemed to know how to help people and tell them what to do. He said he walked out feeling good about the vote.
Howard said he has had to use some of the city services and it was a mess. He said that's what he expected with the voting. It turned out to be good though. Howard said he was walking out of that experience and then the PTA women start yelling at him to buy something. Howard said he told Beth that they were going to buy something. Beth said she wanted some coffee so they went over. Howard said the woman yells at him about how Joy Philbin bought something and only gave them a dollar. Howard said that's just not right to yell about how much money someone gave them. Howard said Joy is a nice woman and now this woman is yelling about what she spent at the PTA. Howard said a lot of people just walk away.
Howard said Beth went to buy a coffee and she was going to give them a $20 bill. He said this woman is terrorizing them to give money. He said he always gives something at these bake sales but he's never been hounded by a woman like that. The woman was yelling at Beth that she could give her change if she wanted. Howard said he just wanted to get out of there.
Robin said she went in there and heard the same thing. She got the big announcement. She went back to the table and they told her who bought stuff there. She got the full rundown of what was spent and who spent it. Howard said it's so obnoxious. Robin said she doesn't eat any of that stuff but she gave them a $20 bill.
Howard said he thinks that 20 bucks is plenty between the two of them. Howard said Joy Philbin didn't need to be humiliated. He said that's just not right. They were basically threatening to blast his name all over the place if he didn't give enough. Howard said he always spends money on that stuff for the PTA for the kids.
Howard said he's going to look into getting an absentee ballot from now on. He doesn't want to go to the circus like that anymore. Howard said that woman really freaked him out. Someone should have told her to calm the fuck down. He said no one will say anything to anyone though.
Gary said there is one negative to the absentee ballot. He said if you send it in and your candidate flakes out then your vote is wasted. He sent his in 3 weeks ago.
Howard said he heard that Linda McMahon lost. He said there were a lot of people who didn't like her. They didn't think she was really the brains behind the WWE like she was claiming to be. Gary said there were some other candidates like that around the country.
Howard said he loved Jerry Brown. He hopes he won. Gary said he did. Howard said he heard the pot thing failed out in California. He said that was a shocker to him. Howard said Jerry Brown is a great guy and he's a big fan of his. Gary said he thinks Christine O'Donnell won by a lot. He hopes she did anyway. Howard said she was kind of nutty.
Howard asked how bad Paladino got trounced. Robin said she's not sure. Robin said he conceded pretty early in the evening. She said that he was talking about how he realized that it wasn't good to be noticed by the press. Howard said it's good if you're getting positive coverage. Howard found out he got 34 percent of the vote. Robin said that's a scary 34 percent.
Howard said he's not sure why he likes ''In Treatment'' so much. He said it's just two people talking and that's usually what he hates about TV and movies. He said it's really good though and gets into it. Fred said he loves the show. Howard and Fred both said that they like the Indian guy who is on this season. They weren't sure why he was such a big deal though. Fred said he may have been in Slumdog Millionaire.
Howard said the show is great. Fred said that he has trouble following what the guy says sometimes. He said he thinks he's putting that accent on a little bit. Howard said he's not sure how Gabriel Byrne remembers all of that dialog. Robin said it's all on film so they can cut. Howard said they used to shoot like half a page a day when he did his movie and he'd only have like 5 lines that were hard to remember. Robin said those people do that stuff every day and they know how to remember that stuff. Howard said he feels like he's retarded or something. He said he just can't remember lines.
The guys talked about how Debra Winger is on that show and she doesn't look like Debra Winger anymore. Howard said he would never recognize her. He said he likes her character on the show. He didn't like her at first. Howard said he's not sure about the gay kid. He said the kid is a little annoying and unlikable.
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Howard said he thinks Rosie is going to go do her show for Oprah and leave this job. Howard said he's not sure what she's getting paid to do that though. He'd like to know since everyone likes to guess at what people make.
Howard said he saw some video of Gary's book signing. He said it looked like a bunch of people showed up. He said he'll have to play some of that stuff later.
Howard said Adam Carolla is coming in today and he's selling a book too. Howard said Adam must feel competitive with Gary because he was asking how his book was selling. Gary said he feels kind of competitive too but they're not the same kind of book. Howard said Adam has lists in his book and he has lists like ''10 Types of Guys Who He Wouldn't Like To Hang Out With'' and things like that. Howard said he thinks that he's like 3 of those people but Adam tells him that he's grand fathered in.
Howard read some of the list that he was talking about. Adam mentions some weird facial hair guys he wouldn't want to hang out with. He mentioned guys who say their wives are their best friends. Howard said he's one of those guys. He said he's pretty sure Adam wouldn't want to hang with him. Gary said Adam cried at his wedding and he's one of those guys too.
Howard said Adam won't hang with guys who don't have a TV. Howard said he gets that. He said his kids don't have TV but they watch stuff on the web. He said they read books instead. Howard said he feels weird about guys who don't have a TV too.
Howard said Adam doesn't like guys who rescue dogs and guys who want to know where you got your cold. He doesn't like guys who never drank. Howard said he knows guys like that and it bothers him. Howard said he doesn't know how you get through life not being curious. Howard said it's admirable in a way but it's weird and he can't relate to it. Adam is also bothered by guys who swim before work. Howard said it's the same with riding bicycles. Howard said he knows a guy who was biking morning, noon and night and his wife left him because of that obsession. Howard said the guy would dress up like a bike racer. He said it's fine to do that for some exercise. Howard said that over 30 miles a day is weird. Howard said that's being pretty liberal too. Howard said 15 miles or so is more like it. Fred said 15 miles 3 times a week is about right.
Howard said he has his chess playing under control. He said he loves playing even though he sucks but he's got it under control so he doesn't have to play it all the time.
Howard said he was watching a Portia DeRossi interview on Oprah and she has a lot of problems. Howard said she dieted down to 82 pounds and she looked really bad. Howard said Beth saw Ricky Martin on there and she said it was really good.
Howard said Portia's real name is like Amanda and she changed it at the age of 15. Howard said she found the most exotic name so she could create an exotic character. Howard said that's really strange. Fred said she got the name from Shakespeare. Howard said he likes all of that Oprah carrying on. He said she loves people with eating disorders. Howard said Portia said something about how she hates exercise and Oprah was thrilled with that.
Howard said they were talking about how Portia had a body image problem but everyone has that. Howard said he has a body image problem.
Howard said Oprah changed her name too. He said her real name is Walter Hudson. He said Sal wrote that joke. Howard said Oprah has gotten really fat and she really needs to lose weight. Robin said that it's not that easy. Howard wondered if Robin was going to yell at him now. She said you can't give up on yourself.
Howard said he had some of the Gary book signing clips. JD said there were only a couple of things. He said he had some audio of Gary talking about how his impression of him hurts him. Jon Hein was interviewing Gary there at Barnes and Nobel. They took questions from the audience and Jon would ask Gary the questions. Howard said he had Jon and Gary over to his house since they seem to be like a couple. Howard and Robin were talking and JD was hooting over there. Robin loves it. Howard said it gets really annoying in the morning when he's trying to read the paper and he hears him hooting in his office.
Howard played the clip of Jon asking Gary about what bothers him about Howard doing the impression of him. Gary explained what it was that bothered him and Robin and Howard were laughing at him. Robin said that was cute.
Howard asked Gary if he was wearing the suit he bought him at the signing. Gary said he wasn't. He said that's a whole suit and he was just wearing a sport jacket. Howard said he likes the tailor who does his suits. Gary liked him too.
JD said one woman asked Gary if he had his lips reduced. Howard played that clip and the woman said his lips really look different. Gary said they really haven't changed and he hasn't had any surgery. The woman kept saying that they do look different and she wouldn't stop. Howard said that woman was really annoying. He said she kept saying the same thing. Howard said Gary seemed to be annoyed with the question. Gary said he wasn't but there was so much going on there that he wasn't sure what to do. Howard said she just kept saying the same thing and she wouldn't let go of it.
Gary said that woman didn't even buy the book. He said she told him she was going to buy the paperback but she had to talk to him about his lips. Howard said that's weird. JD said that's about all there was from the book signing.
Howard asked how many people showed up. Gary said they said it was about 400. Howard said he figured there would be about 3 people there. Howard said Gary was walking to the stage like a real author.
Howard said he keeps getting memos and calls from his agent. He said he was asked to be on the Boomer and Carton show on ESPN. Howard said the show is on opposite his. Gary said it's on a Friday though. Howard said he doesn't care then. Howard said he thinks his agent calls because Gary doesn't want to bother him. Howard said he has to make about 10,000 decisions a day and he's not going to tell people what to do and what not to do. Howard said they should know what they should and shouldn't do.
Howard said he feels like he should say no to something that Gary is doing but he hasn't yet. Howard said he has no problem telling Gary no to his face. He said when he goes through his agent he's not sure. Howard told Gary to just do the right thing.
Sal was out in the hall doing his Gary impression signing books. Howard told Sal he should go to the book signings and do that.
Howard said there's a lot of Gary in his life right now. He said that he's not against Gary writing the book or anything but it's every minute with decisions about him. He said he doesn't stand in anyone's way. He said he doesn't want to be involved until he finds out weeks later what people have done. It's like that with Tim Sabean. Howard said he has to let other people do things and run things or else you go insane. Howard said Gary wrote this book but now there's a lot more Gary in his life.
Howard said he hopes that Gary makes a lot of money with that book so he doesn't have to worry about him. Gary said he found out that the guys there think that he knows what Howard is doing and he's just pretending he doesn't. Howard said Gary really doesn't know anything. He said their relationship isn't like that. He said Gary has no input in his business life. Gary said that's fine too. He said people think he knows and he doesn't know anything. Gary said he doesn't even know what Howard does when he leaves for the day. He said he hears stuff through the grapevine and that's it.
Gary said the day Howard announced that he was going to satellite he had some guests in his office. He said they asked him if he knew that they were moving and he really had no idea. Robin was the only one who had some idea. Robin said she didn't know all of the details though. Howard said that's just the way it is. Howard said he doesn't even know what's going on. He said Don takes care of everything. Howard said he is deep into it right now. He said he's trying to figure out what to do. He's trying to figure everything out. Gary asked what happens on December 17th and they don't know what they're doing yet. Howard said he's not sure. They may not know by then. Howard said it's going to be weird. Right now nothing is clear.
Howard said he has made it clear what he thinks the future is and he's telling anyone who wants to talk to him (or hire him). He said he has a thought about what his worth is to this company and he knows what this show stands for and what it's worth. He said he doesn't want nonsense and bullshit so he's not going to put up with it. Howard said he knows what he knows. Robin said he's like Beetlejuice. Howard said he knows radio. He said Gary knows Record World and he knows radio.
Howard and the guys were trying to remember what Beetlejuice says in his song. They weren't able to figure it out so Howard told Fred to find it and play it. Fred found the song and played ''This is Beetle.'' He knows he's the best and he's big and he's strong and he knows he's better and he knows what he gets and he knows what he knows and he knows what he has and he gets better.
Fred also played Beet's ''I Don't Know'' song. ''Beetle knows when he get what he wants.'' Leslie West plays on that song. Howard said he got the chills from that one. Beet says he looks like a ''kango.'' He also looks good and feels he gets laid. Howard got a laugh out of that one. Howard said that's some song. Howard said Leslie West is the greatest too. He said he's something else.
Robin asked how Leslie is doing. Howard said he thinks he's doing good. He said he was sick for a while and now he's doing better. Howard said he thought that Mountain was much bigger than they were. He said he loved that ''Mississippi Queen'' song. Robin said she didn't know who they were until Howard told her. Howard said he thought they were like Cream. Howard wondered why he's the only one who is into that stuff.
Howard played some Mountain song and did an impression of his mom telling him to clean his room as if he were a kid listening to that stuff again. Howard said he was just going to listen to the music while his parents went out. He said he took drugs during the last 3 years of high school. Robin said that he's wondering how people can be so medicated while he was one of those people. Howard said he was getting high while Gary's mom was on her meds. He said if he had known her he would have gotten high with her.
Howard did more of his mother impression and spent a few minutes talking about messing with the mind and how dangerous that can be. Howard said he owes Leslie West something for helping him pull through all of that. Howard told Fred to play something other than ''Mississippi Queen.'' Fred played something less well known.
Howard said he just discovered a friend on Facebook and they talked about how they used to fall asleep in the back yard after doing drugs. His mom thought they were just sleeping. Howard said they'd take pills before lunch and fall asleep after lunch. Howard said the pain just went away after that.
Howard wondered how Mountain wasn't bigger. He said that it must have been a regional thing with him. Howard did more of his mother saying that there was a cloud in his room. Howard did his father's voice too and he had them talking about the smoke up there. He'd just deny doing anything. He said he needed to do that stuff. Howard said he hasn't gotten high in years other than drinking now and then. Howard said getting high is horrible. He said he's not sure how people do it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard said he was mashing it up a bit with the Assholes and Scumbags song (Runaway). Howard said he has a lot of fun in the clubs when he's there with the black people. Robin said she's never seen that. Howard said when he was dating a certain black woman he was at many clubs with black people. He said Robin has no idea how uncomfortable that is.
Howard said it's weird that you can go someplace and feel so out of place because you have different color skin. Robin said she doesn't feel that way. She doesn't see it the same way Howard does. She said she knows people who will stay with people who aren't good for them just because they're the same color.
Howard kept going with the song mash up. He asked Fred if he had that Kanye song. Fred said he wasn't able to find it in their system. He didn't sound too thrilled with the system.
Howard asked Fred why he can't get the song. Fred eventually found the song. It's called ''Runaway.'' Howard sang along to that song too. He said maybe Sal and Richard can do the mash up instead of calling Tradio again. Howard said they called them again.
Howard asked if that song is number one. Fred didn't think so. Howard figured that the kids would love that. Howard said he doesn't like that ''fuck you'' song that's out now. He said that doesn't seem right. That led to Howard playing the top 5 songs. Here they are:
Howard said Jenna is one of the girls who was supposed to give JD a hand job when he was down at Hedonism. Howard said JD thought she was all cracked out looking at the time. Jenna said that she wasn't all cracked out. JD came in and said he got to the hotel room and he had 5 girls bursting into his room. He said he had two hand job moments down there. He said he had 4 girls show up the first time. Then he had another moment when he had two girls and one of them had a phone in his face trying to get every sound he was making and he wasn't able to finish. He said that he was fine with the other girls when there was no camera.
JD told Howard that Jenna looks 100 times better today than she did down in Hedonism. Jenna said they didn't have their hair and make up done down there. She said they just put on sheets like a toga party when they went to JD's room.
Howard told Jenna that her implants are too big. She said she went from a B-cup to a DD-cup. Howard said they're just too big. He said he bets she was really cute with the B-cups. She said she was but she loves these DD's and she rocks them.
Jenna showed Howard her boobs and her ass. Howard said that Jenna is a porn star and they figured that she's about the same intelligence as Sal is. Jenna said she went to college for a short time but then porn pulled her in. She said she wasn't really popular in high school. She said she used to struggle with anorexia. She was a very good girl back then.
Howard asked how porn got her. Jenna said she was dancing at the Spearmint Rhino in Santa Barbara and some guys came in and discovered her. She said she made good money out there though. Jenna said that she would grind on guys and they'd have pajama pants on and they'd have big stains in their pants. Howard said he used to wear sweat pants to Scores when he went there. Howard said you feel it more when the knee goes into your groin.
Howard asked about the porn thing again and asked if she worried what her parents were going to think. Jenna said she struggled to be perfect her whole life and her parents were very strict. When she got some freedom she went nuts.
Jenna said she's starting a religious organization and she goes to church every Sunday. She said no one knows what she does there. She said she doesn't let people know what she does there. She said it's hard to hide her boobs but she does her best. She said that she got baptized and her shirt was conformed right to her boobs.
Howard asked Jenna about how she thought that she was possessed by Satan. She said she got rid of him when she got baptized. She said she spoke in tongues at one point and her friend was making fun of her for doing that. She said that she thinks that you can get possessed by doing the wrong things in your life. Howard said she must have been a barrel of fun when she was possessed. Jenna said that she was a total slut. She would fuck everyone that she would bump into.
Howard said that Jenna will go out with her fans. You can email her at PlayWithJennaPresley@gmail.com. Howard asked what she does with these guys. She said that she charges $2,500 to $3,000 an hour and the regulars get the lower cost. She said that you get the whole porn star and girlfriend experience with her. She said she hopes to meet a nice Christian man when she starts her organization.
Howard asked if she ever turns down a guy. She said she hasn't done that yet. She hasn't done any guys who have a handicap though. Howard asked if she can totally do that and not get bummed out. She said that she knows that it's all going to a great cause. She said the money all goes to the non-profit organization. Howard sounded shocked by that. Jenna said that she's doing legalized prostitution. She said it's technically not legal but that's the way she looks at it.
Howard asked Jenna about being with famous guys. He mentioned Charlie Sheen being with Capri Anderson and if she could make 12,000 a night. She said that's about average for an evening. Jenna said that she has gone out on dates with famous guys. She said that she's not afraid to be with them.
Jenna said she did the guy who is the head of FunnyOrDie.com and he was weird. She said he was visualizing that it was being done for BangBros.com. She said that was very weird. Howard wondered if that guy wants his anonymity. She said she doesn't think he cares. Howard said he would care. He'd want her to keep it very discrete.
Howard asked Jenna about why she doesn't do interracial porn. She said that the industry is very prejudiced. She said that she gets more money if she waits to do it. She said she's been offered a good deal so she will be doing it with Lexington Steele. Howard said that's the guy they were going to have fuck Scott in the ass if they had done that whole thing.
Howard said Jenna is a good looking girl. He read that she likes to masturbate with a vibrator. She said she does that and she has to ice it down sometimes because her clit gets so swollen. Howard said he bets that Benjy likes her. Benjy said that she does seem sweet and she told him that she was going to name a kid after him. Benjy said he can't believe a guy would spend so much on her. She said it's pocket change to a lot of guys.
Howard read that Jenna was with Dave Navarro once. She said that she called Dave and told him that she loved him and he did her while he was still with Carmen Electra. She said they fucked and they did that off and on for the next couple of years. She said they stayed friends even when she started dating a guy. She said that Dave was great in bed. She said he had a curve to his cock and it hit her in just the right place.
Howard asked Jenna if she has any boyfriends. She said that she's pretty much strictly business but she does have one guy she sees that she doesn't charge. Jenna said she escorts like 4-5 times a week. She also does the adult movies. Howard asked if she's a millionaire. She said when she was under the devil's spell she spent money on a lot of things she shouldn't have. She said she's been doing much better lately.
Howard asked Jenna if she thinks she can beat Sal today. She said she thinks she can. Howard said Sal doesn't know anything. He said they have a $5,000 prize if Jenna can beat Sal. He said if she doesn't win she has to get naked for them. He didn't think she'd care about that. Howard said she might have to ride the Sybian too. She said that's her favorite. Howard said if she wins she gets the 5 grand and a Sony Internet TV. Howard said if she loses they're going to give Wendy the Retard the TV instead.
Howard found out that Jenna has never done anal. She said she's saving that for someone special. She said her husband will get that on the wedding night. Howard asked Jenna what she does when people ask for that. She said she just tells them she doesn't do Greek.
Howard had Sal come in to play this game. He said that you can see Jenna at JennaPresley.com and ExoticaExpo.com.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks he can win today. Sal said that even Jesus can't save this chick. Sal asked about Wendy getting the TV and said '''That retard better blow him... and I mean Jenna.'' He told her that she's going down. He called her a slut bag. Howard figured he was just trying to psych her out.
Howard told Sal to go off to the sound proof booth. He went in Robin's booth and Howard said he was going to ask Jenna 7 questions and she had one minute to answer. He said she can pass and go back if she wants. Howard said it's all based on time and the number correct. Howard said Sal is really dumb so she should have a good chance. Here are the questions and Jenna's answers:
Jenna did that in 53 seconds with one right. They went over the answers and Howard gave her the correct ones. Howard said that she has to pretend that she did well. Howard said that Sal is dumb and she has to psych him out. She agreed to do that.
Howard had Sal come in and gave him the same questions. Jenna said that Sal was looking at her and grabbing his cock. Sal said it shriveled up into his asshole so he was pulling it out. Here are Sal's questions and answers:
Howard and Jenna sang some of the Kanye West song they were playing earlier. Wendy was finally on the phone so Howard had her try to sing the song. He had to give her the lyrics since she didn't know the song. Howard told Wendy that she just won a TV. Howard said Sal won it for her. Wendy said that's cool. Howard told her not to eat it or shove it up her asshole. Jenna wanted to go over to her house to watch some TV with her. Wendy was fine with that. Robin asked Wendy what she's going to do with the TV. She said she's going to hook it up and watch all of the TV she can. They asked her to spell TV. She was able to do it. She said ''T... V.''
Howard told Jenna to go over to the Sybian and take her punishment. Howard told her to take her dress off too. Benjy made a moaning ''Mmm'' sound when he saw her. He said he likes her hips. Howard said she had to take her panties off too. Howard told her to be real and not fake the orgasm.
Gary asked if she's going to squirt. She said she might. Gary said he had an incident once and he didn't want to go through that again. Gary put on his mask and Jenna said he looked like ''Dark Vader.'' Howard said that she should have asked her that question in the game... ''Dark Vader.''
Jenna said she wanted to squirt all over Sal for what he did to her during the game. Jenna took her ride and told them to turn it all the way up. She said it felt good and moaned as it was going. She asked for more power even though it was at 100 percent. Jenna said she was going to cum really hard and kept saying ''Oh my god'' until she was done. She said that she was so wet. Howard said she really is religious. Jenna said that the blood was flowing through her now. She wanted to finger herself and squirt since she can't squirt from a vibrator. She said she was swelling up already. Howard said maybe Robin will apply ice later.
Howard asked Jenna how long she's in New York. She's there until November 8th. She's going to be at an Exotica Expo in Edison, New Jersey. You can also find her on Twitter at Twitter.com/Jenna_Presley. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Gary and Adam both have books out (They Call Me Baba Booey and In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy) and it's like they're fighting over the same woman. Gary said he looked on Amazon and he's at 19 and Adam's book is at 20. They're neck and neck on their list. Gary said he wants Adam to do well but he'd prefer to do better. He said he thinks Adam would feel the same way. Adam said he wouldn't mind being beaten by Hemingway but by Baba Booey it's another story.
Howard and Adam spent a little time talking about Keith Richards' book and how out of control that guy was. Howard said that Charlie Sheen is out of control too and he's on the number one TV show. Howard said that's really insane too.
Howard said in Adam's book, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy, he talks about how men are becoming women. Howard said that they read that list earlier this morning and said that Adam would be grand fathering Howard into his life. Howard read that list again and said he agrees with Adam about the weird moustache guy and how he wouldn't want to hang out with a guy like that. Adam said he finally figured out that he just wants to shave and get out of the house instead of spending so much time getting that facial hair looking just right. He said that's a puss right there.
Howard said he gets the feeling that he's the ''My wife is my best friend'' kind of guy. Howard said Gary told him that Adam cried at his wedding. Adam said it was outdoors and he has seasonal allergies. Adam said that Kimmel floated that like 10 years ago. He said it comes up every time he comes there. Adam said that he may have gotten a little misty but he didn't cry. Howard said Kimmel cried when John Ritter died. He can bring that up with him when he brings this up.
Howard asked Adam why he cried at his wedding. Adam said he was crying for her. He said she's not his best friend. Adam said she wanted to get married and he knew that for some time. He said as a guy you don't grow up wondering when you're going to get married. He said you think about when you're going to win the Super Bowl or when you're going to get anal sex. He said that he realized his wife was having her dream that day and he got misty.
Howard said he thinks of Beth as his best friend. Adam said you can't tell her about getting a blow job in the Champagne room at Scores. Howard said that's true. He said he's made him rethink this whole thing. Howard said there's a lot of wisdom in his new book.
Howard said he agrees with Adam about the ''I don't own a TV guy.'' Adam said those guys are trying to be on a higher plain and they will rub it in your face. Adam said they will set you up with something and catch you. He said they're close to the kind of guy who will say they have a project coming up but they can't talk about it. He said they just want to announce stuff. Adam said he would put a TV in his toilet if he could. He said he'd shit on that TV too.
Howard said he's the opposite of the guy who doesn't own a TV. He said he watches all of the shit on TV that he can. Howard said he will talk about watching shows like ''In Treatment'' to make it seem more intellectual.
Howard said he doesn't agree with Adam about the guys who rescue dogs. Adam said that they're not green berets, they just got a free dog. He said that they didn't go and actually ''rescue'' anything.
Howard said that Adam's book is in stores now. He said that he'll be signing books later this week at Borders. Adam is going up to Boston tonight and then down to Philly. Adam said he's doing stand-up now and it's horrible. He said there's no TV on stage and he misses his TV so it's tough for him. He said he's really not that bad at it. Howard said this Friday and Saturday Adam will be at Caroline's on Broadway.
Howard read more of Adam's list and had one about the guys who have to know where you got your cold. Howard said he's not that kind of guy but Robin said he is. Adam said that he isn't sure what those guys want him to do when he gets a cold. Robin said that whenever Gary comes in with a sniffle Howard will go through his entire previous 5 days and tell him how he got his cold. Howard said he's not going to do that anymore thanks to Adam's book.
Howard went over the ''I've never had a drink'' guy. They spent a couple of minutes going over that one. Adam said those guys need to be held down and have alcohol put up their ass.
Howard said there's also the guy who swims before work every morning. Adam and Howard went over that and the guys who exercises on bikes or anything else and just over do it.
Howard went over a list they had for some of the guys they have working there. Howard said there are guys who dye their beards and guys who go to a spa and get a pumpkin scrub. Howard said he can't hang with guys like that.
Adam told Howard about the secret code for the happy ending massage. He said that they will ask you if you want the ''deep tissue box'' massage. He said when you think of the tissue box that's when you know it. Sal said that the soft massage is the happy ending massage code as far as he knows.
Adam said that most women go nuts around the age of 42. He said that they are the same as they ever were from high school up until 42. He said they just get bitchy and clingy and they talk to each other. Adam said his wife is 41 and she's fine but other women he knows just go nuts.
Howard said that Adam and Jim Breuer are in some kind of feud. Howard said he wants to know how it all started. Howard played some audio from Breuer's last interview there where he talked about how Adam said he wasn't funny when he was on his show once. Jim said that Adam hasn't done anything successful on his own anyway.
Howard asked Adam about setting Jim up to be a douche on his show like that. Howard said that doesn't sound like Adam to him. Adam said that if you want clarity then don't speak to a comic. He said that he thinks that he's pretty clear and lucid. Adam said he was playing the Punchline in Atlanta a few weeks ago and he asked who was coming in and they told him that Jim Breuer was coming in that weekend. Adam said he figured he'd miss Jim but Jim was going to be there on Thursday. Adam said he had a small breakdown and he thinks that Howard and Fred can identify with this.
Adam said he was hanging with his buddies and he asked them if they thought that they'd be in their 40s talking about arguments with other guys in their 40s. Adam said that he never thought there would be a shitty email from Jimmy Kimmel at 4 in the morning or something from Breuer about something he said. He said they need to have a war, a real war, so they can wake up all of the 40 year old guys who are doing this stuff.
Adam said that Breuer was going to come to his show on Thursday night. He said that it's really easy to do comedy when you think there's a lunatic in the shadows of the club. Adam said the truth of the matter is that he did Loveline 10 years ago. He said he never said to Jim that he had never heard of him. He said he must have been screwing around and he must have upset Jim because he didn't say a word for 2 hours. Adam said that Dr. Drew was there and he said to him ''who is that guy?'' and didn't believe him when he said he's a comedian. Adam said the guy didn't talk for 2 hours.
Adam said that was 10 years ago. About 3 years ago he was doing his radio show and David Alan Grier came in to do the show. He said he was handed the list of top 100 comedians and David was number 91 and Breuer was 87. He joked about him being beaten out by Goat Boy and how he was ahead of him on the list. Adam said he was digging into Jim but he was just making fun of David Alan Grier. He said that Jim got upset about that even though he was just using him as a stick to beat David. Adam said he felt bad about it. Then Greg Fitzsimmons came into his studio 6 months later and said that it was a whole big thing with Breuer. Adam said that Fitzsimmons is friends with Jim so he told him to say he was sorry. He said he was just using him in a bit and he was really sorry. He wanted to leave it at that.
Adam said he and Jim had it out at the Punchline after the show. He said here was some booing in the crowd but he's not sure if it was all him.
Adam said that Jim was waiting up in the green room and he just went in and asked if Fitzsimmons told him about the apology. Jim said no. He said that he explained what happened and they hugged it out and had a Red Bull and then called it a night. He said they're simpatico now. Adam said that Jim is funny on Howard's show. He said that's what he told him and said that it was all a misunderstanding. Howard said his book is good too. Howard asked where Adam ranks Jim now. Adam said he's at number one with a bullet he doesn't want in his head.
Howard said it sounds like Adam steps on a lot of toes. Jimmy Kimmel has gotten mad at him for things he's said. Adam said there are rules in Hollywood and Jimmy has to get people a bottle of wine or something when they go to a party. Howard said Jimmy is very gracious that way.
Adam told Howard a story about going to the Up Fronts for Comedy Central before the Man Show had started. They were announcing the show there that day. He said about 2 hours before the party they were hanging out and Jimmy asked him why he was wearing a shirt and not a blazer. Adam said he doesn't even own a blazer. He said he told Jimmy that they were promoting the Man Show and not something else. Adam said they went out and found a blazer for him and spent like $500 on that. Adam said he looked like Vin Scully circa 1981. He said he went into the event and one of the Comedy Central chicks asked what they were all dressed up for and they said it was for the Up Fronts. She said ''Yeah, but it's the Man Show...''
Adam said that's the kind of stuff Jimmy does. He said Jimmy thinks that he should dress nicely like that all the time and his career would be better than it is. Adam said Jimmy thinks that he should be further along than he is in his career. Adam said that Jimmy made him who he is and he loves that man.
Howard asked Adam if he's making money with his Podcast now. Adam said he is. He said they have multiple advertisers now. Howard said he's got like 55 million downloads now. Adam said he's making money and it's no different than radio. Adam said that he can't get fired from doing the Podcast. He said that he does like radio because if you get fired they still have to pay you off until the contract is up.
Howard said Adam said that Jennifer Aniston is manly. Adam said he's just saying that she's got some manly features. He said her jaw line is kind of masculine. He said that a lot of women who have more masculine features tend to be more like men when it comes to certain things. Howard said he's making some good points with this stuff.
Howard gave Adam some more plugs for his book and for the signings he's doing. He gave him some plugs for his stand-up appearances too. You can find more about those at AdamCarolla.com
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Adam being on Fitzsimmons show and talking about Lovelines and how he was making 2/3 less than Dr. Drew was. Howard asked if that's true. Adam said that it was total insanity. He said they used to get paid the same for 10 years. He said all of a sudden they gave Drew the same pay and cut his pay in half. Adam said radio is full of idiots. He said that Drew would have taken half of what he was being paid. He said Drew loves to work and he would do an opening for Walmart for a nickel.
Adam said that Drew is still doing the show but he's still friendly with him. Adam said that Drew is the same guy on and off the air. He said he wasn't sure why they cut his pay but he left the show after that.
Adam said that Drew once bet him on the air that he had warts and HPV. He said he didn't have them and Drew insisted he did. Adam said he had never had a wart on his dick. He said Drew told him that he could harbor the virus and not even know it. Adam said they did the test on the air live and they put a black light over his penis and then they dumped white vinegar on it. The virus shows up in white specks and there were none on his. He said that he's pretty sure that Ronnie's cock would light up like a pinball machine. Adam said they should do that on his show and take a look at the staff cocks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the last time Jim Breuer was on they talked about how Adam had said ''Who are you?'' to Jim. Howard said they just talked about that. Adam said that he hosted a syndicated show for 11 years and he's not going to ask ''who are you'' when he knows who they are. Adam said he was joking around and this caller is an idiot. Howard wrapped up and gave Adam some more plugs for his book and all of his other stuff.
Howard came back and said it was good to see Adam. Robin said she's glad they cleared up the whole Jim Breuer thing. Howard said they just want one happy family.
Howard said Imus is selling the Imus Ranch record (The Imus Ranch Record II). He said the money must go to that cancer ranch of his. Howard read about that ranch that Imus has and did his impression of Imus as he read some of the details. Howard said he still has a problem with the premise of sending kids to a ranch that Imus runs. He said it sure doesn't sound like fun to him. Howard said if he's dying of cancer he doesn't want to spend it with Imus and his wife. He said they make them work at the ranch and they're kids dying of cancer.
Howard had the Imus Ranch Record so he read who was playing on it. He saw that Cheap Trick had a song on there. Howard said they should get Medicated Pete in there and have him go to the cancer Ranch. Howard said Pete was up there hanging out. He said his girlfriend broke up with him. Howard said they have to get him in there to talk about that.
Howard played Cheap Trick's song from the Imus record. Howard said he has a problem with this whole thing. He said if it's the Imus ranch then he should be paying for it. Howard said they'll never have the answers they want either. He said they need forensic accounting of that. He said maybe that Harry Wilson guy is available to do it. Howard said he thought the guy would have been great as Comptroller.
Howard played a couple of other tracks off of the album. He had one from Adam Duritz. Howard played that Kanye West song (Runaway) again about the douche bags and Scumbags. Howard said it starts out kind of serious but then it gets funny with the douche bag, scumbag and jerkoff references. Howard said he hopes that Robin is listening to that while she's out there jogging in the marathon.
Howard said Gary made a faux paux about his pitch. He said something about it being the worst pitch a heterosexual man had ever made. Howard said Rosie just let it go. Gary said she smiled and he thinks she knew it was a goof. Howard said Gary gets the pass because he had a gay brother. Fred said he shouldn't have a pass just because his brother was gay. Howard played some of that interview where he made that comment.
Howard said he saw Gary and Rosie in the Fish Bowl doing the interview. Howard said he likes that Rosie is there doing a show. He said her show is good. Howard said Lisa G was in the room covering it too. He said Gary did a good job with it.
Steve said that Gary has two book signings today. He has one at noon and one tonight in Connecticut. Gary will be at Border's books on Wall Street. He'll be in Barnes and Nobel in the Stamford mall tonight at 7. Check out BabaBooey.com for more dates.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard asked if the other girl knew who she was. She said that she did and she was a little whore. Howard asked if Lupe got naked right away. Lupe said of course she did. Lupe said they don't fool around, she just gets naked right away.
Howard asked Lupe about what the other girl did to her. Lupe said she did the same to her with the toy. Robin asked if she uses a condom on the toy. Lupe said yes but Howard said that's bullshit. Lupe said he's right. She said she didn't use one.
Howard said it sounds like Lupe is having some fun. Lupe said she always does. Howard asked if Evan fucked the girl last night. Lupe said he always does. She said that the other girl went first. She said that he finishes with her. Lupe said that Evan will lick her vagina but not the other girl. She said Evan has to do that because she loves it.
Howard asked Lupe who asked the girl to leave. Lupe said she just says she's tired and the girl knew to leave. She said that she hates sleeping with strangers in her bed. Lupe said something that Robin didn't understand. Howard said that's the way Lupe talks.
Howard asked Lupe if she's making an appearance somewhere. She's going to be dancing in Philadelphia but the club name wasn't clear. Evan told her it was Cheerleader's in Philadelphia. Lupe said she will be all nude there. Robin said she thought she said she was going to be ''old news.'' Howard wished her luck in Philly and said that he'd like to see her soon.
Lupe said she's going to be at the Exotica convention in New Jersey on Thursday and Friday. Howard said she must be raking in the big bucks. Howard asked if she's naked right now. Lupe said she is. Howard told her to take the phone and jam it up her ass. She told him to hold on one second and made a noise like she was doing that. Then he had her rub it on her vagina. She did that too. Howard said that vagina is taking a beating. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said he had a lot to get to so he had to let her go. He said he has to block out a period of time to council her. Howard said he has to tell her she can't bartend. Howard said she should become a doctor or lawyer. Robin said she shouldn't be allowed to prescribe drugs either. Howard said she'll have to be a lawyer then.
Howard had Jon Hein finish up his show preview. Then Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. Steve said they'll be talking with the interns about a bunch of things that have been going on lately. Steve said they're going to talk about Gary's book coming out and if they think that he's full of himself lately. That led to Howard talking about how Gary has to try and prove that he isn't just known for being on this show and the book is his latest thing. He said it all started with his audition for MTV and things like that.
Eric the Midget Actor called in to tell Howard he took his IQ test. He said he stumbled over a few things but he thinks he did a good job. Robin said that they hope to hear his results soon. Eric said that the guy is going to give him the results over the phone. Howard said that guy doesn't know what he's supposed to do. He told Gary to answer him if he's not too busy with his book. Gary said he was on the phone about a guest.
Howard told Gary what's going on and Gary said that he's not supposed to give him the results. Howard said that Eric isn't supposed to find out ahead of time. Eric said he wants to find out ahead of time. Howard said he can't find out because it'll ruin the bit.
Gary asked Eric if the guy offered up the results without him asking about it. Eric said he did but Gary didn't believe it. Howard told Eric he has to wait a week. Eric stayed silent. Eric said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he doesn't want anyone knowing ahead of time. Gary said the rest of the guys should be taking their tests next week so they'll have the results the week after. Howard told Eric not to take the call.
Howard said he's pretty sure that Eric will take the call because no one calls him. Eric said he gets plenty of calls. He said he talks to one of Howard's regular callers, Jim from Raleigh, who he befriended. He said there are some other fans who call too. He said that Peter from SFN calls him too. Eric said he has other friends that call too. Howard told him not to get the results yet. Robin asked why he wants to ruin every bit. Eric said he didn't know that was the rule. Howard said he has to know that because that's what they did last time.
Howard had the guy on the phone. He picked up and he said that Eric had a -17 on the IQ test. It was Richard on the phone goofing on Eric. Richard said he didn't even know that his name is Eric the Midget. Eric said that Richard should try losing his accent when he makes a fake call to the show. Richard said his name is Dr. Rusty Pecker. Eric said that he should change his name from Rusty too. Howard let Dr. Rusty go after that. Howard said he thinks that was a phony but he's not sure who it was. Eric assured him it was Richard.
Shuli came in and said that Eric is upset with Jeff the Drunk because he got a booking to do some stuff with the WWE. Eric isn't happy about that. Eric said that's what he heard. Howard had Jeff on the phone so he asked him about that. Jeff said he's going to be hosting Monday Night Raw. Shuli said he's not hosting it, he's just doing a bit on the show. Howard said that has to be killing Eric. Jeff said they called him too and he didn't have to call them. Shuli said that Eric and Jeff were on the phone together when Jeff broke the news to him. Shuli said this is legit and it's really happening.
Howard asked Eric how he didn't get the gig. Eric said he wouldn't fit into the bit because it's with Stone Cold Steve Austin and they both drink beer. Eric doesn't drink. Howard said he can't spend all day on this. He asked Jeff when he's going to be on. Jeff said it's December 27th. Shuli said Jeff asked him what he should ask for as far as money. He had no idea what they were even going to have him do. Jeff said he thinks he'll be on a couple of segments. Howard told him to ask for $500,000 and not a penny less. Howard asked Eric what he should ask for. Eric said ''I don't care.''
Howard said that Linda McMahon just wasted $50 million on her campaign so they must have money to burn. Eric didn't know that she had lost. He said they didn't get that news over there on that side of the country.
Howard told Eric not to find out his results. Jeff said that Eric is going to lose to him. Jeff only got an 89. Howard asked Eric if he thinks he'll beat Jeff. Eric said he's sure he will.
Shuli said that Eric took a test online and it only had 10 questions. He got 4 out of 10 right. Shuli said that he thought it was 70 percent right. Gary asked Eric how many calls he gets if 9 people call him every day for 7 days a week. Eric said ''bye'' and hung up.
Richard called in again as a guy from the WWE saying they wanted to use Eric as a turnbuckle in a match. Eric had already hung up though so he missed out on that opportunity.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's family being interviewed for Oprah next week. Howard said Michael tried to keep those kids in private and now they're all over TV. He said that must be just what Michael wanted.
Robin read about how Cher is still trying to get used to her daughter becoming a man. She still has to catch herself when she says ''him.''
Robin read about Mel Gibson and his domestic violence allegations. He's kept his mouth shut during a deposition that happened recently.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen filing for divorce and how his wife was surprised by the news according to her attorney. They were supposed to wait a year before the split. Sheen's lawyer claims she knew that this was going to happen 6 months ago. Robin said Sheen has also gotten a ''sober coach'' to help him stay sober.
Robin read about how they've found that regular work outs can help fight off the common cold. Robin said that a study was done that found people who work out don't get as sick as others who don't work out.
Robin read a bunch of election news. She had a bunch of stories about who won and lost. She had a bunch of audio clips she played too.
Ralph called in and said that all of Larry Sanders is out on DVD now. He also brought up this Dick Blumenthal guy who lied about being in Vietnam actually won. Howard said that people liked him for some reason. Even with the lying and being against the SIRIUS XM merger.
Howard read some email about Robin's running and how one guy was saying that the San Francisco marathon is much harder than the New York marathon. Like she couldn't figure that out herself. Howard said some people have been writing in telling him to stop saying Sarah Palin is hot. Howard said that's his opinion. Howard said Gary has gotten some good feedback about his book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' He read through some of that before Robin got back to her news.
Robin read some more stories about some things that were voted down in this election. Howard threw in a plug for the Sony TV people for giving them the TV they gave to Wendy the Retard today.
Howard took a call from a guy who was wondering why they play Ferrall so long and not put in another show. He said that Ferrall is good for like an hour or two but not 4. Howard said they have plenty to listen to there. Howard said Ferrall doesn't want to hear that.
Robin read some news about how there will be no black people in the Senate come January. Robin said they have a bunch in the House but none in the senate. Howard said if he were Al Sharpton he'd be all over that. Robin ran through a bunch of other election results.
Robin read a story about some stuff that George W. Bush has in his new book. She said that he claims that they was a chance that he was going to replace Dick Cheney at one point but it was actually Cheney's idea. There were a bunch of other things that she read through.
Robin read a story about how some bombs are being sent to European leaders. Robin said that a bomb caught fire at an airport in Bologna, Italy. Robin said some other explosives went off at some embassies as well.
Robin read a story about one of the 33 Chilean Miners running in the New York City marathon this weekend. Robin said he jogged up to 6 miles a day down in the mine while he was trapped. Howard said if he was trapped he doesn't think he'd even think about that.
Robin read some news about Kiefer Sutherland going to Broadway to do some musical. Robin had some news about a girl who was in a Broadway play dying from leukemia.
Robin said there was some news about Demi Lovato. She said she's in rehab but she apparently had a fight with someone in her crew the day she decided to go into rehab. Robin said that Disney is supporting her in this whole rehab thing.
Robin read some movie news about the movie Megamind. Howard said he would love to be a voice in an animated movie. Howard said he thinks he could knock out that work in a day. Robin had some audio of Tina Fey talking about the movie. She also had some audio of Whoopi Goldberg talking about the new movie she's in. Howard got some laughs out of that. He said he likes her as an actress but he has a hard time with her on The View.
Robin had some audio of Robert Downey Jr. talking about working with Zach Galifianakis in their new movie. Howard said he'll go see the movie, just don't make him sit through the interviews.
Robin read some news about the movie ''127 Hours'' which is about a guy who was stuck between boulders for 127 hours and had to cut his own arm off. Howard said he doesn't want to see that. He can't imagine why anyone would want to see that. Robin wrapped up a short time later. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon wanted to start off talking about Jenna Presley and the ''Win Sal's Money'' today. They were goofing on Sal about some of his answers even though he did win.
Jon asked JD if he was surprised at how good Jenna looked today. JD said he saw her at Hedonism and she was very thin and didn't have the boobs. He said she looked hot as hell today. He said he didn't see her ass but that may have been a little thicker too. Jon asked if that brought back memories of Hedonism for him. JD said it did. He said he remembers seeing a lot of people naked that he didn't want to see naked.
Gary asked JD about not being able to finish with some of the girls down there. JD said he was able to get hard but he wasn't able to finish with a camera in his face. He talked about how he had almost drowned there too. He said he went down the slide there and almost died doing that. Jon thought it was a 3 foot deep pool. JD said it didn't feel 3 feet deep. Gary said he can see how that could happen.
Jon said he thought Jenna was going to give Sal a run for his money today. He was even willing to take bets in the office. Gary said she was an awesome guest even if she wasn't good at the game. He said that the whole religious thing and escort thing were really strange. Jon asked if you can be an escort and be religious like that. Benjy said that he was surprised they didn't go down that road with her to ask if she thinks she's doing something wrong in her heart.
Jon asked how she became possessed. Gary said he doesn't think she was. Jon said she told Howard she was. He played the clip of Jenna telling Howard about her seizures and how she thought that showed she was possessed.
Gary asked if he took that girl to a rural African tribe and they were doing something in tongues, everyone would think she's wacky. When she does this exorcism everyone thinks it's fine.
Jon asked Benjy if he would pay $3,000 to be with someone like that and what he would expect. Benjy said that paying for sex isn't for him. He said that he went to the Bunny Ranch once but he got it for free there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they were saying that Jenna was committing adultery but she's not married. Gary said he thinks that it counts either way. if she's with guys who are married then she's committing adultery. The caller said he didn't care either way since he's not religious. The guy said that he doesn't care if she's going to heaven or hell or whatever.
Another caller said he's calling bullshit on this hoe bag. He said he thinks it's just a marketing thing and she's not really religious. He said there's no way she's doing what she claims she is. He found it hard to believe that she'd give her escorting money to the church.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the devil will come out during baptism because the devil can't swim. He asked if you have to say grace before going down on her. Gary said he pictures guys like that sitting in their cars thinking that they're going to make them crack up with jokes like that.
Jon asked JD if he would consider marrying someone like that. JD said he would like to think he's open minded enough to deal with whatever she's doing for work. Gary asked if he'd be okay with her banging guys during the day. JD said as long as it's not in his face then he'd be okay with it. He said he's not sure he'd be able to deal with it all. He said it wouldn't be every day though so it might be okay ''...whatever.'' He said he didn't know and said ''whatever'' again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary must be from another world. He said he was saying that he would stick around and talk to the girl after sex. Gary said he was saying he would rather stick around and talk to the girl instead of paying for sex.
Benjy said he thinks Jenna was inflating her numbers. He can't imagine paying that kind of money for an hour. Gary said it must be weird having something that's not a constant money maker. He said he's not sure he could make that kind of money doing what she does either. Benjy said he's sure that Gary could make some good money using his celebrity status.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she can't wait to see Gary tonight. She said that she couldn't believe that Jenna was so stupid and only got one right. She also said that she can't believe that she was turning it to religion. Benjy asked what her religion is. The caller said she doesn't have one but she does believe in God and a higher power.
That caller is going to be at Gary's book signing tonight in Stamford, Connecticut. Gary said he expects to see a lot of friends out there.
Sal came in so the guys asked him about some of the questions he had on the game. Sal knew that there were Republicans and Democrats. Jon asked why he gave that GOP answer he gave. Sal said he was just taking a stab at it.
Jon asked what Sal was doing in Robin's booth while she was playing. Sal said that he was dancing around in there and showing his ass. Gary said he was pretty rough on her. Sal said he was just trying to throw her off. He said she was babbling away during his game so he asked Howard to shut off her mic. Sal said she was smoking hot though and she had some muff on her.
Jon asked JD what Sal was doing after the game. JD said they were banging in the office and then Sal came out of there with his shirt off. Sal said he was hot and he had to cool off. Gary said he heard that going on down there and had to ask them to calm down.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Wendy the Retard got the TV because retards only see in 480 DPI in black and white. Gary said that's not true. The guy said it was a waste to give it to her. Sal said they could have given her an empty shoe box and she would have been just as excited. Sal said now all Wendy has to do is hook it up to the internet. He laughed as that came out of his mouth.
Another caller said he thinks Sal cheated on the test today. Sal said he knew the Newton answer because he majored in Science. Gary asked how he went to school and didn't finish and he mastered in something. Sal said he went to school for a year and a half. Sal said he does know his shit.
Sal was telling the guys how he comes up with answers to some of the questions and said that he came up with the potato famine answer in another test when he thought about it. He said the word ''Ireland'' in a funny way so the guys were goofing on him about that. Sal didn't understand why that was. He was saying ''Ira-Land'' which sounded pretty funny to the guys.
The guys talked about Jenna's Sybian ride and how that went. She got all pissed off at Gary for no good reason. Sal asked if he could say what Gary said about her off the air. Gary said no so Sal made some strange noises trying to give people and idea of what he said. It didn't make sense even to Gary.
A caller said he thinks that Sal said ''Nugent'' instead of Newton during that game. Gary said he didn't say Nugent and this is just another caller trying to cause trouble.
Sal said he was just trying to throw Jenna off her game today and he wasn't trying to be mean to her. He said she was really a sweet girl. Jon asked Sal if he thinks that she can be a Christian and still be in the business she's in. Sal said it's up to her and if that makes her feel better then it's fine. Sal said he has his own religion. He said he's Christian in front of the family. He said he doesn't get why people send their kids to catholic school at 7. He said they should learn it when they get older.
Jon said he knows that Sal goes through some of the rituals. Sal said he really doesn't. He said that he doesn't even go to church anymore. He said his kids started complaining so he just stopped going. Sal said he does believe that there is some kind of entity that put us here. He said he's not sure what that entity is.
Jon asked Sal if he believes in Heaven and Hell. Sal said he believes in heaven but not hell. He said he doesn't believe there is a hell but a bunch of levels of heaven and purgatory. He said that there are no giant lobsters that grab you in the flames. He said that he thinks that Hitler would be in the lowest level of Purgatory. The guys went back and forth with Sal on all of that wacky stuff. Sal was all over the place with his thoughts on that stuff. Sal said he doesn't think that God is judging him on putting stuff in his pouch but it might lead to him getting to a higher level in heaven if it counts for his overall life. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked about Adam's lists and what he thought of those. They spent a minute talking about that and then played some of Adam's interview where he was talking about that. The clip cut off in the middle of a sentence though.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that his wife is his best friend. Sal said he thinks that Jon is his best friend based on what he's told him in his car. He said that his wife is his friend but not his best friend. Sal said she probably doesn't think of him as her best friend either. Sal said they have a lot in common with family and vacations and whatnot. He said that his wife might be his best friend for 90 percent of his life but then there's the 10 percent of the taboo stuff he can't share with her that he can share with someone else.
Gary said that he can't tell his wife everything either. He said that she is a great friend to him but he can't tell her every single thing.
The guys talked about Adam's list and came up with some stuff of their own. Benjy said he hates guys who say ''We're pregnant'' when their wife is pregnant. Gary said he gets that. He said he wouldn't say ''we're pregnant.'' Gary said he doesn't like the guys who wear those baby Bjorn things. Sal couldn't come up with anything that would keep him from being someone's friend.
A caller told the guys why they were wrong about where the name ''The Land of the Rising Sun'' came from. She said that Sal was actually right about what he said and they told him he was wrong. Jon said he didn't really know and he didn't tell Sal he was wrong. Gary said he was accidentally right but he was right.
The guys ended up talking about how calling someone ''Oriental'' is wrong. Sal couldn't believe that. He said he didn't know that it was politically incorrect. He said he doesn't use that term but he didn't know it was wrong.
Jon and the guys talked about Adam asking Greg Fitzsimmons to tell Jim Breuer he was sorry for what he had said about him. They thought that it would have been best for Adam to tell Jim himself, in person. Sal said that Adam was pretty rough on him. He said that he thinks he was doing some damage control at the comedy club down in Atlanta.
Benjy said that Adam is good on Lovelines and he finds it weird that he didn't find him that funny. Benjy said the guy is just flat out funny. Gary said he didn't know much about Jim before they got there but now he sees how funny he is. Benjy said he seems like the friendliest guy in the world.
A caller told Gary that there's nothing wrong with wearing a Baby Bjorn. He said he wants to get close to his kid and that's why he wears one. Gary said that's not the only way you can get close to a kid. The caller also told Sal that he's a funny mother fucker but he has to kneel to his wife. He said that she's ruling his world and he's got to admit that. Sal said there is some truth to that. Sal said he has to vent his frustrations when he's on the show and that helps the show in a way. He has to balance that out at home with his wife. Sal said he doesn't want to go home and walk on egg shells. He said she has a good sense of humor and knows how the show works.
Gary said Sal goes into a zone when he's talking about women and he imagines that Sal would freak out if his wife walked into the room while he was doing that. Sal said he wouldn't be able to do it. He said that he can go out and have a horrible time if he isn't ''Robo-Sal'' while he's out with his wife. He said she's great and they both deal with each other. He said the magic is back with them now. Sal also said he read Gary's book and it kicks ass. A few seconds later he said it was actually Adam Carolla's book he read. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about what was coming up on the show. They had Mike ''The Situation'' from ''The Jersey Shore'' coming in today. Howard said they say he makes $5-10 million from the merchandising from that show. Gary said he's seen bobble heads, vodka and other things. Will told him about some of the other stuff he has out. He's got a bunch of deals and tons of products with his name on them. He does a lot of personal appearances too and he can make $15-50,000 for an appearance.
Howard said his wife was impressed with Mike. She interviewed him for Extra TV. Howard said she was taken with him a little bit. Howard said she likes him the best out of the group but she's never met any of the other ones. Howard said she actually interviewed all of them. Snooki wasn't as talkative as the rest of them. Howard said Beth decided that ''The Situation'' was the nicest of the bunch. Robin said she has to go when she hears him talking. She said maybe there's something about him in person that will change her mind.
Howard said they have a Penthouse Pet Pageant today. He said they're always very hot when they come in there. Howard said they have some other stuff coming up today too.
Howard said this book is so good and he thinks that they could turn it into a movie like they did with ''Late shift.'' Howard said everything is really weird with these late night guys. Howard said they had some stories about Conan O'Brien's deals and who handles his stuff for him. Howard said its' like a whole new way of doing business when you read this.
Howard said Conan was in such a great position. He said NBC was worried about replacing Jay Leno and they had Conan at NBC. A bunch of networks were talking to Conan and NBC got nervous about it so they gave him this deal to do the Tonight Show after Jay was done with his contract. Howard said Conan was being offered $28 million by FOX but he had this hard on to be the host of the tonight show and this was all endlessly fascinating how Carter paints this picture.
Howard said he can't wait to read more of this book when he gets home. Robin asked if he's reading an actual book or is it on an iPad. Howard said he can't read off an iPad. He said he prefers the good old fashioned book. He said there's something romantic about reading a book. Howard said there's something in MAD Magazine where they have a picture of someone lining their bird cage with an iPad and it was very funny. Howard said he doesn't think it's good to read off a screen like that iPad. Howard said he doesn't think it's safe and they'll find out in a few years that it's bad for you. He said you won't find him reading books on the iPad. He said he likes books and newspapers.
Howard said the NY Post is no where to be found during the mornings. Howard said he has a feeling that in 5 years there won't be any hard newspapers. He said he likes going through the NY Times on Sunday and he can't get used to not having a book.
Howard said he tried telling Beth about these late night stories but she didn't care. Howard said he found the book fascinating though. Howard said Bill Carter does a great job telling the stories. Robin asked when the Jay Leno book is going to come out. Howard said Bill Carter is good at telling the stories. Robin said she wants to know the real story behind Jay and all of his cars and motorcycles.
Howard told Robin more about this story he was talking about with the up fronts and Jay bombing. He said that you can tell that Bill doesn't like Jay based on what he wrote. Howard said he hates Jay too so he loves this book. He said he highly recommends the book to anyone who is interested.
Howard said when Gary is napping he's not yapping and when he's yapping he doesn't stop. Howard said Gary has an answer for anything that he's asked about. Robin said that when she hears him telling a story you wonder why you're listening to the story.
Howard said he had some audio of Gary getting angry with a fan out on the street. Gary told Howard that he was late going to a book signing yesterday and this woman stopped him asking for an autograph. She was 72 and said she really wanted one. Gary was going to sign it but the woman didn't have a pen. Gary didn't have one either. Gary said she wanted him to sign a prescription bag she was carrying.
Howard played the clip and they caught Gary at the end of the autograph thing when he's getting into the car saying ''what the fuck is wrong with people...''
Howard said he saw Obama was on TV talking about how bummed out he is that the democrats lost so many seats. Howard said he shouldn't be so upset about it. The same thing happened 2 years ago with the republicans. Howard said that they fucked up and let the banks fuck up the whole economy. Howard said the government was too busy looking at the satellite merger. Howard said they spent several months investigating that and the SEC spent months investigating Ronnie and Ralph over stock stuff. Howard said he figured that they were just doing it because they were fans and they could do all of this on the tax payer's dime.
Howard said he estimates that the investigation around him had to be upwards of $2-3 million. Howard said the republican's don't have the answers for everyone's problems. Howard said that two years ago Wall Street, the car industry and more were things that the country was dealing with. That was all from Bush's administration. He said they're not going to have the answers that people are looking for.
Howard said Bush was talking to an imaginary friend and claiming that's who was advising him in office. Howard said the country was spinning out of control back then. Howard said that if GM had gone bankrupt and Obama didn't bail them out then there would have been major job losses. Howard said that Bush's administration also banned stem cell research. He said there was some crazy, crazy stuff they did. Howard said we found out that you need some government regulation because of that stuff.
Howard said the government ignored Enron and Bernie Madoff but they made sure that Martha Stewart went to jail. He said things are crazy. Howard said Obama should take this as a message that people want change but they don't know what change they want. Howard said they can't wait for change long enough.
Howard said that the republican's don't have the answer. He said people think they do but they really don't. Howard said they just elected a bunch of people who are more extreme than ever.
Howard said everyone wants something. He said Benjy wants Pam Anderson to blow him but that's not going to happen. He said he probably still wants Anna Nicole to blow him too but she's in the ground now.
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Howard said he's really an annoying guy. He made her kiss him even with the bad breath. Howard said he entered Beth and he finished up pretty fast. Howard said it turns out women don't want you inside all that long. Robin said it's like a guy finishing. They don't want the woman messing around with their stuff when they're done. Howard said he knows he can be annoying if he's in there for more than a minute after she's done.
Pete asked how long the whole thing lasted. Howard said he guessed 5-6 minutes tops. Howard said maybe Beth would know better. He said he thinks it was about 5 minutes. Pete said that's about how long he can go too. He said that she dumped him because of that.
Howard said Beth likes his pace. He said one of the reasons they fell in love was because they were so sexually compatible. Howard said there were some women that he would finish as soon as he was inside of them. He said he lasts longer with Beth and that's a good thing.
Howard said he was with a woman who was really hot and she had this belly chain. He said that he was attracted to her and she was gorgeous. He said she took him to her bedroom and they started to make out and do all of that. Howard said she had pictures of herself all over her place and she was naked in some of them. Howard said she was a beauty and very loving like you wouldn't believe. Howard said the big moment arose and he took out his massive weapon. He said he was barely halfway in and he came. He apologized for that and waited 5-10 minutes and went in again. Howard said he was ready to go and he began to do his thing again. Howard said he was going to show her what a real man was. He mounted her and one stroke in, one pull back and he was done again. He said he was thoroughly humiliated. He said he didn't go back after that. Pete said that's happened to him when he's been high. Howard said he was drunk a little bit that night.
Howard said he wondered what was wrong with him when that happened. Howard said he had a co-counselor in camp and the guy had a big schlong. Howard said he used to see him changing and the guy would tell him how he would have sex. Howard said he had a girl in the tent one night and this guy Danny could tell that it was over in a second. Danny told him how he has sex and said he can fuck for hours. Howard asked how he does that. Danny told him about it but it made no sense to him. Howard said he had no idea what the guy was talking about. Howard said he doesn't know how any guy has self control.
Pete said that guys with different dicks have different sensitivities. Howard said his penis isn't as small has he thought it was. He said that it's a good 6 inches erect. He said he thinks that he can satisfy women just fine.
Pete said he's seen a little bit of a bulge on Howard before. He figured Howard was lying about his size. Howard asked if he saw the bulge on his last Letterman appearance. Pete said he has seen a bulge once in a while. He figured he was just playing to the guys out there who have small penises.
Howard said Beth asked him about why he says he's small because it's not to her. He said she's told him that he can hurt her at times. Howard said he loves hearing that. He said he might need to get a cock ring to keep him from going inside too far. Howard said he's not supposed to thrust too deeply with her. He said she tells him she can't handle it.
Robin said she doesn't believe his stories about his small penis anymore. Howard said Robin should just imagine what that would be like. Howard said Beth has a super small vagina so that must be why he hurts her.
Pete asked Howard if she has to help him get it inside. Howard said 90 percent of the time he finds his way in there. He said he pokes around until he finds the right place. Beth will tell him when he's off. He said he thinks that he has a divining rod down there but sometimes it doesn't work. Howard said he will go in the wrong place once in a while.
Howard said sometimes his concentration is broken when the dog is in the room licking him. He said the dog has to be in the room or she'll cry. He said she has separation anxiety. Howard said he has to tell the dog to stop licking him because that's his time with Beth.
Pete said he doesn't like having a dog in the bed. Howard said Beth has worked one of the cats into the bed but the other night he didn't want the cat in the room. He said that Beth didn't think it was a big deal but it bothered him. He said the cat was fine and stayed still. He said he doesn't want that aggravation. He said the cat is now part of the bedroom scene though. He said he never gets his way with anyone.
Pete asked if Beth has a smell. Howard said she has a lotion smell but that's it. He said that she has some nice smells from that stuff. Howard told Robin to use the same stuff. Robin said people have different chemistry so they may not work for her.
Howard said his daughter is becoming like Robin with her eating. She wanted him to read a book and he thinks that Robin would like it. Howard said he'll have to bring it in next week. He said he'll read any book his kid tells him to read.
Pete said it sounds like his sex life is still good with Beth. He said some people were worried about that but it sounds good. Howard said it's very good. Especially for a married couple. Howard said things are all good.
Howard told Pete that his friends are probably jealous of him not being married. He said there are a lot of miserable married guys out there. He said it just goes down like that. Howard said that guys who want to cheat just want a really hot relationship with someone. Robin said that she didn't want to talk about a particular couple but Howard said everyone knows who she's talking about. Robin said that communication can break down and then it affects the sex. Howard said you have to pay attention to women if you want to keep the sex going. Pete said he's going to listen to that and try to put that into his life.
Pete said that you can get to a point where you stop talking and it all goes out the window. Pete said he thinks that Howard learned from his first marriage what he did and didn't do right. Howard said he wasn't in therapy back then either so that has helped. He said if he wasn't in therapy he and Beth probably would have broken up by now as well. He said he's so fucked up in the head that it wouldn't work. Pete told Howard that he works in Cheerleader's Gentleman's Club in Pittsburgh. He said he's been there about 14 months now.
Howard asked Pete if he's getting laid there. Pete said he's being very professional being a barback and doing some other stuff for the club. He said he hands out passes to people on the street and drives people around on Saturday nights. Howard asked if he's making a decent living. Pete said it's the best living he's made in his life. Robin asked what a barback is. He takes care of the stuff that the bartender doesn't have time to do. He cleans glasses and does stuff like that.
Howard said he doesn't think Beth would want to go to a strip club again. He said she went a couple of times but he's not sure she'd be into it now.
Howard and Pete talked about Ronnie going to the clubs and eating there. Howard said you have to be hard core to eat at a strip club. Howard said that the women there are being paid to be nice to you too so you have to be careful. Pete said that they can fool you. They'll move on to another guy in a second. Pete said goodbye after that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked what he would do if Beth cheated on him. Howard said he wouldn't give her another chance. He said if she cheated on her he wouldn't forgive her but she'd have to forgive him if he did the same to her. Howard said that's the way it is now. He said if he's old and doesn't have any options then he might change his tune. Howard said he wouldn't be able to forgive her at this point. He said he thinks that she's not that type of person though. He said he thinks that she'd just leave him first.
Robin was trying to talk to Howard about that when King kept saying ''What?'' over and over again. Howard said he can't talk to King anymore. He said that his phone connection has gotten awful over the years. Howard wadi he has changed to Verizon and uses a Blackberry phone and it's great. He said that he has used the same phones on both Verizon and AT&T and Verizon is the best. Robin said she has both and when one doesn't work, the other works great. Howard said she's wrong. Verizon is the best. Robin said she has her own experiments going on. Howard told her to stop and went to break.
Howard came back and said that they had some Penthouse Pets coming in. He said the most important thing to the girls in Penthouse is becoming the Pet of the Year. Howard said they have 3 of the leading contenders for Pet of the Year coming in today. He said that they're going to pick one to endorse and that person may just win Pet of the Year. Howard said the last 10 pets of the year have been because of this show. Robin said she didn't know this was so important. Howard said he didn't either and he may have just made that up.
Howard said they had 3 women coming in and they have to decide on who to endorse. Howard said the girls will be evaluated in 3 categories. Howard said they have Beauty, Personality and Talent. Howard said each of the girls has a prepared talent for the pageant.
Howard said the judges will be Robin, Fred, Benjy, Gary, JD and Ronnie. Howard will be a judge too. Howard said he can't even remember who the judges are. He told JD not to come in there and that he was going to judge from that little booth he has back there. JD said that was fine. Howard said Ronnie didn't have to come in either. Howard said he feels bad for JD not having any power to judge. He said today he is kind. Same with Ronnie. Howard said he's giving both of them a life today.
Howard had Sabrina Maree come in first. They had an intro for her and then Howard said hello to her. Howard said she looks good and the Penthouse chicks always look hot. He said her boobs looked real but she said they were fake. She said they're a D-cup. Howard said they look very natural in clothing. Sabrina said she will be in the December issue of Penthouse. Howard said she wants them to vote for her but she doesn't even know when the voting begins and her magazine hasn't even come out yet. Howard told Sabrina what they'll be evaluating her on today.
Howard said he heard that Sabrina is a porn star too. Sabrina said she only does girl-girl. Howard asked if she likes men. Sabrina said she loves men. She said she's sometimes able to get off from the women but she likes men. Howard asked if she has ever told the producers that she won't work with women. She said she has done that. She said she got away with it once. She said the other chick was on something so she was able to get out of that. Howard asked if the women ever smell bad. She said they douche so that's never a problem. Howard asked if they do it there or at home. Sabrina said they do it on the set. She said they supply it so it's all taken care of on set.
Howard asked Sabrina about the douche thing and how that works. He wanted to know what comes out with the douche. She said it just cleans up the smell. Howard said he's not sure how it works. Sabrina said that it flushes things out. She said that every magazine says it's bad for you to do that though. Howard asked if she watches the other woman douching. She said she doesn't watch. Howard said you want to be sure the other woman has done it though. Sabrina said she will ask sometimes. Robin asked if she has ever gotten a smell after a douche. Sabrina said sometimes the smell will come out because the douche has hidden some things.
Howard asked Sabrina when she heard about Bob Guiccione's death. She said she's in school so she was in school at the time. She said she never met him so she is sad but she's not all that upset.
Howard asked how long she held on to her virginity. She said she lost it to a guy and a girl at 15. She said it wasn't at the same time though. Howard asked about how she likes to be choked and have her hair pulled during sex. She also loves anal sex. She said it's a dominating thing. She said she likes the pain from the anal.
Howard said Sabrina went to catholic school. He said that she's a huge Nickelback fan and she started sending nude pictures of herself to the band. She sends them through their Twitter account. She said she ended up getting free tickets to the show. She said ''no comment'' when Howard asked if she got back stage to meet the band. She said she didn't fuck anyone in the band. She swore that she didn't. Howard didn't seem to believe that. Howard said Sabrina is something special. Howard said she's a student at UC Irvine. Howard read that she's a psych major. He said he'd lay on her couch no problem. Sabrina said she's in it for the money.
Howard asked Sabrina what she would say to Osama bin Laden if she met him. She said she wouldn't have time to talk, she'd kill him. Howard said she just got a bunch of points for that.
Howard asked Sabrina what she's going to do for her talent. She learned the Pink Panther theme and she's going to play that on the piano. She said she hasn't done it in weeks so it may not sound so good. Howard had her go over and play the song on the keyboard they had for her. Howard said he wishes she was naked for that. Sabrina immediately whipped out her boobs. Howard said it would be even better if she took off more clothes. She said she wanted to be naked so she didn't have to play. Howard said she was becoming a much better piano player already.
Gary said Sabrina has a really pretty face. He said she's like Hillary Swank with less teeth. Howard said that wasn't Hillary Swank. He said Gary just made his boner go away.
Gary asked why she still had her panties on. She took them off. Howard told Sabrina to start over. She tried playing the song again. She played something but it wasn't the Pink Panther theme. Howard told her to get to the good part. She played a little bit that sounded kind of like the theme but it was only about 3 notes. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said they have pictures of the girls up on HowardStern.com.
Howard played the intro for the next girl, Jelena, and then spent some time talking to her about her name and found out that's her real name. Howard asked how she got into this line of work. She said she wanted to make some good money and she likes to work for herself. She said she put herself through school. She said her grandparents raised her because her parents were very young when they had her. She said they did get married when her mom got pregnant. Howard asked if she was a hippie type. Jelena said that she was a rocker type. Jelena said that her grandparents were on her father's side and they loved kids so it worked out.
Howard asked Jelena if she resents her mom for what she did. Jelena said she doesn't. She said that her mom lost a lot of her family very young so she has some issues. Howard asked if she hung out with her mom. She said she did and her mom wasn't a good influence on her. She said that she would go party with her mom and her grandparents didn't know about it. She said she looks back on it now and wonders what she was thinking.
Howard asked Jelena if she ever did a three way with her mom. She said she never did that. Howard asked if she had sex in the same room. She said no to that. She said she has had sex in her mom's bed while her mom was in the house but not in the same room. Robin asked when she lost her virginity. She lost it at 13. Howard said that's unbelievable to him. The guy was 14 and it was her boyfriend.
Howard said that sounds like an interesting life. He said she has her own web site. He read that she has had sex in front of a bunch of people at a Christmas party. She said she was doing that before she was modeling. She said she was a glamour model back then. Jelena said she had sex in front of the other people there. She said that the other girls were banging her and she was trying to run away from them.
Howard said he was reading about how she had sex with some guys who were much older than her. She said that she had sex with a 35 year old when she was only 15. She said that kind of freaked her out. She said that the guy's son was as old as she was. She said that it was her mom who told her to hang out with the guy. Jelena thinks that her mom wanted the guy so she sent her over there.
Howard said it was time for her personality question. He asked Jelena how she would calm down a coked up and naked Charlie Sheen if she was in the hotel room with him. Jelena said that's an unpredictable situation. Jelena said she would probably run away like anyone else would. Howard asked her what she would do if she was giving George Clooney a blow job and he had a smelly asshole. Jelena said she would probably just stop. She said she would give him a hand job instead.
Howard said they have a special Pet of the Year edition coming out for December. You can see more of the girls in that or at Penthouse.com.
Howard asked Jelena if she was ready to do her talent. She was going to be reading a poem while naked. She took her top off and showed them her F-cups. Howard said they weren't saggy at all. She claims they're real and they started developing at 8 years old. She said she had to wear a bra at 8. She said that women love them and they will suck on them or just bury their heads in them.
Jelena read her poem which was about Howard and Robin for the most part. She mentioned a bunch of the other people on the show too. Howard said he believed that she wrote that herself but it sounded like he was joking.
Isis said she lost her virginity to a 19 year old when she was just 13. She said that she loves being in the porn business now. She said it's the greatest thing ever. She said she stopped doing guys on film and now she only does girls. She said the whole HIV thing got to her so she had to stop.
Howard asked if she had anything in her childhood that led to this stuff. Isis said that her therapist wondered the same thing. She said nothing happened. Isis said that she thought her psychologist was hot and she wanted to do her too.
Howard asked Isis if she really wants to be Pet of the Year. She said of course she does. Howard read about how she has gotten into women and she's had relationships with them. Isis said she's been with some nut cases. Isis told Howard about this one girl who was way too obsessed with her. She said that the sex wasn't even that good. She said that she would just lay on her back in bed and not do anything. She said it was like fucking a dead fish.
Isis told Howard about going out with this one guy and when they went to have sex the guy came out of the bathroom wearing a thong and some very feminine clothes. She said he had a belly shirt on and it was really strange. She said she was just going to go with it. She said he asked him if that made him gay. She told him it didn't but she found it very homo. Isis said that she figured she'd go with it and he pulled out this white towel with something rolled up in it. There were some dildos in the towel and they were strap-ons for her to use on him. Then the guy put on lipstick and had her do him in the ass. Isis said there was no doody involved but it was very strange. She said that some guys like stuff in their ass and maybe they don't have the ability to be with a guy. Isis said that the guy was really attractive too. She said he came after she used the biggest dildo in his ass. Howard said that Isis is a sweetheart for doing that for the guy. She said she wants to try everything at least once so that's why she did it.
Howard asked Isis if she's married. She said that she is married to the first guy she ever did a porn scene with. Isis said he was dating someone else when she first met him. She said that they ended up getting married almost 2 years ago. Isis said she brings women home to him and she's allowed to have sex with other women.
Isis said that she worked with Sabrina on a movie once. She said they had some fun together on that. Howard asked them about working together and what they've done. He found out they like to lick each other's assholes and things like that. Howard told Robin to write that down on her voting sheet.
Howard asked Isis her personality question. He told her to give them the other girl's worst features. The girls said that was awful. Howard said that's what she has to do for the test. Isis looked at Sabrina and said she doesn't see anything wrong with her. Howard said it sounds like she's not going to compete. Howard asked if her rectum is too brown. Isis wasn't sure about that. Howard asked what was wrong with Jelena. Isis said there's nothing wrong with either one. Howard asked her what animal she would make love to if she had to. She said that men are animals. She had no answer so Howard gave up on that.
Howard asked Isis what she was going to be doing for her talent. She said she was going to sing ''Hava Nagila.'' Howard spent a minute taking to her about being raised an orthodox Jew. Isis said she had to get out of the house because she felt her mom was a little off her rocker. Howard had Isis do her song but she wasn't really prepared for it. She said she was on the road for like a month and she didn't have a chance to practice. Howard said that Isis' boobs look real. She said they were and they were a D-cup. Howard asked to see them. She showed them to Howard and he said that her mom would be really shocked right then. Isis sang ''Hava Nagila'' and giggled through the whole thing.
Howard asked Robin for her vote. Robin said this is very tough. She said that they're all great. She said that everyone was bad with talent. She said that no one is doing well in any of those. She said she was going to go with Jelena for her big, natural breasts.
Howard asked Gary for his vote. Gary said they were all pretty and had great boobs. He said he liked what Jelena was saying about what glamour models were. He said for the whole package he has to go with Sabrina.
Howard asked Fred for his vote. Fred said that the one thing they hadn't seen was ass shots of all 3. He said he's an ass man so he had to see that. They all showed their asses and Fred talked about what he liked about all three of the girls. Fred said he had to go with Sabrina because she had no problem with the questions they asked her.
Howard asked Benjy for his vote. Benjy said he thought that Isis should have had an answer for the kind of animal she'd have sex with. He said that Jelena was very confident and he liked that. He also liked Sabrina's piano playing even though it sucked. Benjy went with Sabrina. She had 3 votes at that point. Isis had no votes and Jelena had one.
Howard asked where JD and Ronnie were. He had them come in to give their votes. Ronnie was up first. Ronnie said that he thought Jelena was too smart for this whole deal. He said he had to give his vote to Sabrina. He said she's smokin' hot and she's got her own category in his dictionary. He said she's got it all.
Howard asked JD what he had to say. JD said Isis had the best ass out of all of them. He said he's been a big fan of Jelena for a long time now. He said he really likes her. JD said he had to go with Sabrina even though she's a Nickelback fan.
Howard said he didn't understand how it was such a runaway. Sabrina said she'd see the guys in the back room later. Howard said he wanted to give them all $500 gift certificates from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said they can all get a little something from him. Howard said that he wanted to give them plugs too. He didn't even have to judge today. Howard said he thinks he was going to vote for Isis. He wasn't even sure about that. Howard said that Jelena's breasts are talking to him though.
Howard gave them all plugs and he was about to wrap up when Will said that Jelena mentioned she wanted to sit on the Sybian. Howard let her go over and do that. Gary worked the Sybian and jacked up the power to 30 percent. That was plenty for Jelena. Howard told Gary to give her a little more. She wanted to ease into it though. The other girls were helping out by holding her hand and rubbing her boobs. Howard told Gary to jack it up another 10 percent. Jelena said something was happening. She wasn't very vocal but Gary said he did see her shaking and something happened. She was finished pretty quick. She just didn't make much noise. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said it was time to meet ''The Situation.'' Howard said that he's on MTV and a big star now. Howard said the guy has it all going on. Gary almost messed up his hair when he put on the headphones. Mike said that he had no regard for his hair at all.
Howard said he thought Mike was taller than he is. Mike said he's about 5'11''. He said that he started working out when he was 16 and it was mainly for chicks. He said he didn't care about his weight and it was all about what he looked like in the mirror. Howard said he runs but he's got no muscle. He said he does lifting and he can only bench about 95 pounds. Mike laughed at him and almost fell off the couch.
Mike told Howard to do cardio and also do weight training. He said that he has to do an hour a day for different body parts.
Howard asked Mike if he grew up in Jersey. He said he was born in Staten Island but he moved to Jersey when he was 9. He told Howard he was a mortgage broker after going to college. He said he went to a community college and then went to Monmouth university. He said that he had dreams to be a star but he didn't act on them until the market crashed and he had no job.
Howard asked if Mike's parents were together. He said that they had just split up around that time. He said he had a good childhood. Howard said it sounds like he was leading a normal life until this show came around.
Mike said he was wondering what to do with his lief and his parents were saying he was a disgrace. He said he had to move back home when he lost his house. Mike said he was somewhat popular with the ladies in school. He said people told him about his great abs and he should have done something with them. He said that he had a girl take a picture of him and he sent them in to a modeling agency and he got some work. He said he did some underwear modeling for 2 weeks and then he got noticed and got a call for a VH-1 pilot. He said that was after just 2 weeks.
Howard asked Mike if they assumed he was gay because he was modeling underwear. Mike said it was kind of uncomfortable for him because the photographers would want to adjust his stuff for him and they'd approach him like they were going to do it. He said he would just tell them to back off and let him take care of it.
Howard asked Mike what you do with your cock when you model underwear. Mike said that you have to adjust it so it looks right in the pictures. He said that he would adjust it himself and he would think that maybe that job wasn't for him. Howard said he must have a big one. Mike said he thinks he's pretty well ''situated.'' Howard asked how many inches he is. Mike said he's above average. Mike said he's not 9 inches. He said it's bigger than 6 though. Howard asked if he has measured it. Mike said he'd be honest with him (again) and he hasn't measured it in a long time. He said that he's around 7 1/2 or somewhere around there.
Howard asked Mike about getting this pilot and what his parents thought about that. He said it wasn't clear that he show was going to be a success. He said that he had no idea how it was going to work out. Mike said that the whole story is like a fairy tale. He said his parents wanted him to get a career and that looked like a waste of time. He said his father had him trying to become a cop or a fire fighter. He said his father was ready to put him in the military.
Howard said Mike confuses him because he's so manly but he won't put on his headphones. Mike said that his appearance is very important and Gary mushed his head. Howard asked if he shaves his balls and cock. Mike said that he shaves off his body hair. He said he's very up on his hygiene and he's very clean so that's why he does that. He said he's just well groomed. Howard asked if he has hairs coming out of his shaft. Howard said he has that problem. Mike wasn't sure about that. Howard explained how he had hairs coming out of the middle of his shaft. He said he clips them a little but you still see some on there. Mike said he just shaves the whole thing. Howard asked how he does that without cutting himself. Mike said he just does. Howard asked Mike if he shaves inside his asshole. Mike said he doesn't go that way.
Howard asked Mike more about the pilot he did. Mike said it took 6 months until they green lighted that pilot. He said his parents wanted him to go back to life after doing the pilot. He said they didn't think the TV show thing was going to work out.
Howard asked what kind of money he got paid to be in an underwear ad. He said he never really booked any work. He was going to ''go sees'' where he would go meet with different companies. Then he got the pilot for Jersey Shore.
Howard said he thought that the group knew each other but it turns out they were just thrown into the group. Mike said they did a pilot that was different than the Jersey Shore. He said MTV revamped the show and cast it with the rest of the people on the show. Mike said that he was the only one from the pilot that they kept. He said that if he didn't do good then maybe there wouldn't have been a show at all.
Howard said he only knows Mike and Snooki from the show. He asked if there are any resentments in the show between the cast. Mike said he supports the cast in anything they do and he hopes they'd do the same for him. He said his goal was to just get in the door. Mike said he would like to do other things too. He said he's been offered various endorsements and things. Mike said he's trying to make the right decisions right now. He said he's had an unbelievable year so far. Howard said he read that he's making between $5-10 million. Mike said that those are the estimates out there.
Howard said it seems like Mike is doing very well with the show and making about $750,000 from the season of the show. Mike said he thinks the first season was very, very low. He said that he's not sure he can even talk about that.
Howard asked Mike if he's pushed to do things he normally wouldn't do on camera. Mike said they let you just be yourself. He said that they have the cameras on you 24/7 so you have to do something to not seem boring. He said that's where GTL came from. That's Gym Tan Laundry and he has that on clothing and has it trademarked. He said he has an iPhone app for that. He said it's the number one app on entertainment in iTunes.
Howard asked Mike about his appearance fees. He gets big money to just go and shake hands and sign autographs. Howard said he's making some good money. Mike said he's having a good time. Howard asked how many chicks he's getting. Mike said he has to watch himself these days. He said he's a target now so he has to be careful.
Howard asked Mike about the girls he dates and if he has to ditch them if they start calling him ''The Situation'' instead of Mike. He said that some girls start talking about other guys they've been with and he has to get rid of them when that happens. Mike said he'd like to date but it's tough right now because he's so busy.
Howard asked Mike if he would fuck Lady Gaga. Mike said there are just some things that he wouldn't do. Howard asked if he would fuck Snooki. Mike didn't get a chance to answer. Howard said there's no way he'd fuck her. Mike said he likes her like a sister. Howard said she walks around like her shit doesn't stink. Mike said she's got some talent and she just needs to channel it in a different way.
Howard asked Mike if he's seen Snooki naked. He said he has. Mike said that sometimes people will run out of the shower or things like that. Howard asked what her vagine looks like. Mike said he didn't see her like that.
Mike said he and Snooki have kissed. He said he has a certain attraction to her. Howard asked if he saw her clit. Mike said he doesn't remember.
Howard asked when he last got laid. mike said it was probably at an event. Howard asked if he can't remember because he's getting so much. Mike said it was actually out in Vegas. Mike said women will come up to him and say they're ''DTF'' which means they're Down To Fuck. Howard said he's never had anyone tell him that. Mike said he trademarks all of those lines that he comes up with.
Howard asked Mike about how the girls looked. Mike said that the girls he met were like 8s and they just came up to him and said that they were DTF. Howard said that's hard to believe.
Howard said he had a girl come up to him and said ''DTM.'' Mike didn't know what that meant. Howard said he thinks it means ''Don't Touch Me.'' Mike said he had never heard that one. He rattled off a bunch of other ones that he had come up with himself.
Howard asked mike about the girls he met in Vegas. He said that they had some of his Devotion Vodka out there and that's his own Vodka brand. Mike said he has a book out now called ''Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore'' and he has a lot of this stuff in there.
Howard asked for more details about the girls in Vegas. Mike went through that story and told Howard how he had about 20 girls in the room and how he would eliminate them. He said that some of the girls would try to take photos and then he kicks them out. He said he usually takes their cell phones away before they get in the room. Mike said that he once had a girl recording a discussion they were having. He said he just kicked her out of the room in a nice way so he didn't get her mad at him. He didn't want her turning on him if he had.
Mike told Howard he got it down to 3 girls and they were all laying down talking about getting down. He said one girl asked for some porn or something and he was up for that. Mike said it was all very casual and he's being pretty honest at this point. Mike said he runs his own company so he was on the computer the whole time. Mike said he put the laptop down and one chick said she wanted to have a three or foursome but her friend was downstairs crying or something. That got it down to two girls and that's when the game began. Mike said that the chicks were pretty creative.
Howard asked Mike about being on Dancing With the Stars. They spent a little time talking about that. Howard asked how long he lasted with the two girls in Vegas. Mike said it didn't last as long as he would have liked. He said he had to get going. Howard asked if he CTF. Mike didn't know what that was. Howard said it was ''Cum On Their Face.''
Howard had JD come in and talk about what his problem with Mike is. JD said he's part of the problem with TV. He said that they get famous for acting like assholes on TV. He said he just doesn't get it. Howard said that's how he made his career. Mike asked JD what he does that's so special. Howard said he watches TV for him. Mike thinks that he's just bitter. He said when you hate on people you forget your own goals and you're just a hater. JD said that's fine, he's a hater.
Howard told JD that Mike gets girls and he's telling JD that he should shave that beard. JD told him he knows all of his problems and he doesn't need him telling him anything. Mike had his book there and he wanted to give him a copy. He wanted to get him ''situated.'' Howard said that JD's name before he met Mike was ''The Shitty Situation.'' Howard told JD that Mike didn't do anything wrong. JD said he'd rather not be near this guy and he doesn't want anything to do with that.
Gary said that JD is sort of famous. He said that he fucked a porn star. Gary said he's famous from being on Howard's reality show. JD said they don't come up with fake situations on Howard's show. They do that on these other reality shows.
Ralph called in and told JD to tell Mike how he couldn't get it up. JD said he got it up. Howard said JD is dating a stripper. JD said it's been a couple of weeks since he did that. Mike said that these haters don't even phase him. He said that he doesn't even look in the rear view because he's passing them so fast.
Ralph called in and said that he and JD talk about Big Brother all the time over text. JD said there's a competition there in that show. He said that's not what The Jersey shore is like. JD said he'd like to leave. He said he knows he was a nerd in high school. Mike told him to come back. He told JD that he'd like him to come to some of his classes to learn to better himself. JD said he didn't want to hear that and walked out again. Mike said he could turn JD into a pimp. Howard said he thought he could too. Mike said they could do it together. He said they need to shave him down, tan him up and get him some new clothes and jewelry. Howard said his wife did that and JD won't stay that way.
Mike said that he could better JD but he has to be willing. Howard said it's not going to happen. Ralph doesn't think that it'll ever work. He said that JD is ABN - Always Be Nerd.
Mike said he's got a big project coming out soon but he can't talk about it right now. Howard said that Mike got to meet Beth the other night. He said that she's kind of attracted to him. Mike didn't think that was the case but Howard told him that she was telling him how much she liked him. He said she told him that he was very likeable in his interview.
JD came back in and said that he doesn't want a makeover. Howard told JD that he could be getting major pussy. He said Mike is willing to help him out. Mike told JD that they have to change his shoes, get him some clothes and jewelry. He said he has his own line of jewelry. He said they'll get him some gel for his hair and get him a modern hair cut. He said that there is hope for him. JD said he appreciates the effort but he's turning him down. JD said he's fine and wants to be left alone. Mike said that he could really help him but JD really doesn't want it. Howard told JD to forget it then.
Mariann from Brooklyn came in and said that there's a lot of hate out there and Mike is smart for doing what he did. Howard hunt up on her in the middle of a sentence. He said he couldn't take it anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mike owes money on a Bentley that he's not paying off. Mike said that's not true and he doesn't owe any money on that car.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he thinks he could get more pussy than Mike. Mike said that's good for him. Mike said he's not a hater so that's great for him. Eric wanted to have a competition but that's not happening.
Howard gave Mike some more plugs and Mike said that you may see a show called Situation Inc. soon. He said that season 3 of Jersey Shore is coming out in January. He said they may be doing a 4th season next spring. They went over some of the many products that Mike has out there right now. He has even more stuff coming out.
Mike asked Howard if he thought he was cool. Howard said he thinks he's wonderful. Howard said he's out there being ''The Situation'' and just having fun and not hurting anyone. Howard said they have like 7 million viewers out there and that's amazing for a cable show. Howard said he likes that he named his stomach. He said that's brilliant. Mike said that's what he was told when he came up with it. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he would get to Mike Walker in a minute. He said he has to be finished with Eric the Midget now. He said he's at the breaking point with him. He said he's just had it now. Howard said everyone was coming to him and he's had it.
Eric said he sat there for an hour and a half taking the IQ test and he has the right to hear the results now. Howard said that's not the way it works. He said he's going to ruin the game if he finds out what the results are. Howard said he wanted to be done with Eric but Eric said ''no.'' Howard said part of the fun is to find out on the air what the results are. Howard said it's not fun to find them out off the air. Robin said Eric doesn't care about anyone else. It's just about him.
Howard said he'd like to just end it now. Eric asked what happened to the surprise that they had if he had taken the test. Howard said he was going to hook him into something with Jillian Barberie but he's too difficult. Howard said that Jillian wanted Eric and he was going to help him out with that. Eric said he got the call from Jim McClure a couple of weeks ago. Howard said he's always looking out for him but he's done with him now. Eric said that wasn't a surprise.
Howard said he wishes that his head really would explode. Gary said they were going to surprise him with that but he was dragging it out too long and that's why they had to break the surprise. Gary said Eric has been calling the guy about the IQ test results and he's been brow beating him. Eric said that's not true. Gary said that he is lying. Eric said he didn't brow beat the guy. He said he just asked for the results. He said he asked once.
Howard said this is ridiculous. He said it's not a bit if he finds out ahead of time. Eric said he doesn't care anymore. He said ''Bye fuck faces...'' and hung up.
Howard said he loves Eric but he's so difficult that he can't deal with it anymore. Howard said he wanted the results but that's not the way it works. Howard said he wants to control everything but on this shoe he controls things himself. Howard said he gives up now. He said he doesn't want Gary giving Eric the results. Gary said he has the results there. No one else has seen them other than Jason.
Gary said that they had another job for Eric but he's not going to tell him what it was. Howard said they have such great opportunities for him. Gary said Eric would die for this job too. Howard said he'd love to know what Eric's IQ is now. Robin said she'd like to go back and look at the paper. Howard said he would too but he won't do it.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said there is more in the book about Howard too. He read some of the stuff that Carter wrote about Leno and Howard's issues with each other. Howard said that Jay is really out of touch. Jay had made some comments about no one listening to Howard Stern anymore but that just shows how out of touch he really is. Howard said Jay hired Stuttering John thinking that he was going to get some of his audience. Howard said the guy is so fucking out of touch. Howard said he thinks that if NBC had stuck with Conan he would have done fine. They didn't give him enough time.
Steve said that a third printing of Gary's book has been ordered. He said that makes it 105,000 copies that will be out there. Howard said they're still doing the Baba Booey Audio Book Challenge. Steve also mentioned that Matt Lauer will be interviewing Gary on the Today Show tomorrow. Howard said that's a big deal when you get Matt Lauer. Howard said that Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' is at number 21 on Amazon.com and Adam Carolla is at number 17.
Howard had Eric the Midget's roommate, Jon, on the phone. Jon said that the doctor that gave Eric the test asked Eric when he wanted the results. Howard said he must not have been aware of the way they do things on the show. He said that they weren't going to give him the results before they revealed them on the show. Howard said the doctor may not have known what was going on but they weren't going to give him the results. Howard said Eric is very difficult and he's not sure how he handles him. Jon asked if the doctor is saying that he was brow beaten. Howard said he doesn't know. Jon said that Gary is a fucking retard anyway. Gary said he's just funneling the information from Jason. Gary said that he feels bad for Jon that he has to watch that little shrimp.
Howard asked Jon what he's saying. Jon said that if the doctor is saying that he was brow beaten then he's lying. Howard said he's not sure what happened there. Howard said the doctor doesn't work for the show so that explains why he may have said something wrong. Jon said he has some questions about the testing. Howard told Jon to tell Eric to just forget everything if he doesn't want to play the game the right way. He said that the doctor is just trying to be a nice guy. Howard asked Jon to pass along the message to Eric about what's going on there. Howard said Jon is more reasonable than Eric is. Howard said he just can't deal with Eric anymore.
Howard said if Eric knows his results then it ruins the game. He said he just can't deal with him anymore. He took a call from a guy who said that they should be done with that guy already. He said he's the most unappreciative guy he knows. Howard said he did like the TV show where his head exploded. The guy said that Eric was given so many chances. Howard said he's with this guy. He's one of the converted now. The caller asked Howard to do one show Eric free. Howard said he will do that and he hopes that he can stick with it.
The caller asked Howard to do his Kennedy impression. Howard got on his megaphone and did that. He also did his Riley Martin impression for the guy. The caller was cracking up. The guy asked Howard to do his Ben Stern impression too. He did that for the guy and had his parents talking to each other for a minute.
Howard said he's not a monkey. He said they're yelling out bits for him to do and he's actually doing them. Then he went into his impression again and had his mother talking to Ted Kennedy. Howard did that for a few minutes. He talked about being in hell for what he did to Mary Jo Kopechne. He didn't think he belonged there for that. Howard had Ted crying and said he was crying because he spent so much on Gary's book. Robin talked to Howard about some of that. Howard wondered who the guy was that called him and asked him to do this. He said he was never going to get home if he keeps this up. He said that he was sitting there with Steve Langford staring at him. ''Ted'' asked Steve if they had ever met. Steve said they had not. Howard said it looks like Steve is doing very well now that he's working for Howard 100 News. Steve said he's having a great time working there. ''Ted'' said if he was alive today he'd have an app called DTC... Drown That Chick.
Steve got back to his news preview and talked about some of Gary's upcoming appearances this weekend. He'll be up in Boston and Harvard Square. Steve thought it was Harvard but Howard told him that it's a big difference.
Steve said Gary's son Lucas was at his book signing last night and he said he's not allowed to read his dad's book yet.
Steve wrapped up and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. That led to them talking about ''The Situation'' and wondering why JD was so angry with the guy. Gary said that the guys in the office are saying that JD was still pissed off like 20 minutes after the interview. Howard said he doesn't get why he's so jealous of the guy. Gary said that he's back there screaming about how he's not jealous. JD could be heard on Gary's mic yelling.
Howard told JD to get in there. He asked JD why he's so angry at the guy. JD said he's disappointed that people find shows like that entertaining. He said that it's not. JD said there are a lot of shows like that and it's frustrating to him. JD said he's disappointed that Howard likes shows like that too. Howard said he's not sure what the difference is between that and a documentary. He told JD that this show is no different either. He said that Eric the Midget is nobody but they talk to him and make him famous.
Howard asked JD if he would direct a reality show. JD said it depends on what the show is. JD said a reality show doesn't even need to be directed. Robin and Howard told him it really does. Howard said that the Jackass guys stage stuff. JD said they're doing stunts. Howard said the Jersey Shore is about goofing on them and laughing at them. JD said that it shouldn't be popular. He said he shouldn't be inundated with The Situation and Snooki. Jon said he gets that he's upset about them being famous for being famous. He said that Big Brother is okay because it's got a competition in it... according to JD. Howard said he feels that JD should shave his beard like Mike suggested. JD said he knows he's got a lot of things he could change. He said he doesn't want to shave every day.
Robin told JD that Mike has also come up with a bunch of trademarked sayings and stuff too. JD said those are really brilliant too. Robin said the guy did come up with the idea to do it. Howard told JD he should trademark ''Da Bad Ass.'' JD said he has no desire to do that. Howard let him leave after that.
Jon Hein finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and then Howard got Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line. Mutt said they'll be live from the Gary book party tonight at 7 on Howard 101. It's also their 5th anniversary so they'll be celebrating that.
Robin read about YouTube pulling some videos that someone had posted calling for a holy war. They pulled them for violating their terms of service for inciting acts of violence.
Robin said that Ozzy Osbourne is a genetic mutant according to an article that's out. She said that he's been so resilient to what he's done in his life and they found that he has some gene variants that they had never seen before.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why he and Beth don't go to strip clubs anymore. Howard said he doesn't think she's into it. He has no problem with it. the caller said that she and her husband went and they had a good time messing around with the girls.
Robin read a story about Skating with the Stars returning. She said that Vince Neil will be on that show.
Howard said he's seen some of the footage of Cowboys & Aliens but there's also a movie called Cowboys and Ninja's and that looks so cool. He said you can see the trailer for that on YouTube.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin about running in the Marathon and if he can get one of her bras. Robin said she'll be using them again so she won't be giving them up.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus being very upset about her parents divorce. She's trying not to take sides according to the article Robin read.
Robin read a story about a Quantas airline losing a part during a flight. They've grounded their fleet of those airplanes while they inspect them.
Robin read about the San Francisco Giants holding their parade yesterday. She had some details about that. Howard wondered who goes to a parade for a baseball team. He said he would never do anything like that. Robin said she was reading about the Veteran's Day Parade and that's the kind of parade you go to. That led to Howard playing some interviews Sal and Richard did with some Yankees fans after their World Series win.
Robin read a story about a woman who thinks that her statue she has is crying tears. The catholic church is looking into it to see if it's a miraculous statue.
Wheels called in and asked what a cock ring is for. Howard said he thought it was a governor to keep from too much of it going in. Wheels said it's actually to keep the blood in there so you stay hard. Howard said he didn't know that. He had to get going so he just hung up on Wheels.
Robin had some audio clips of President Obama talking about the election results and how he has to take responsibility for not making as much progress as they should be making. She had a few clips like that.
Robin read some news about Barbra Streissand offering to give some money to a heart center and match it to what they raise in a fund raiser. Robin had some audio of Barbra talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about what he was able to do while he was in office. He was bragging about a bunch of stuff. Howard said he should have some humility. Arnold said he will now write books about his experience and his life. Howard said maybe he'll start coming back on this show. He stopped coming on when he became Governor of California.
Robin read about Leann Rimes and how she had an affair with a married man. She said that's not the kind of person she is but she doesn't live with regret. She said she still loves the guy she was with.
Robin read some news about Justin Bieber speaking out against bullying. Robin had some of his music to play and some audio of him talking about being bullied. Howard said that kid has no idea what bullying is. He had some examples of his own bullying experiences that he said that kid should know about. He had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 10:55am.
Jon ran down some of the other things he wanted to cover and mentioned Howard being done with Eric the Midget. Gary said he's not sure what Eric's side of the story is. He said he's getting Jason's side but Eric should know that they don't give the results to anyone before they reveal them on the air. Jason said he told Eric that he had to take it and they'd reveal them on the air.
Benjy said that they have to talk to the doctor and ask him what he has to say. Jason said he asked him and the doctor said he never asked Eric if he wanted the results. Jason said the guy has no reason to lie to him. Jon said that someone is lying. Benjy said that Eric's roommate seems like a very honest person. Gary said that he doesn't know if he's honest or not.
Jon had Dr. Randy on the phone. Dr. Randy is the guy who gave Eric the IQ test. Gary said everyone signed the release about being able to give out the results of the test to an outside party. Gary asked what happened after the test. Dr. Randy said he had Eric sign the release before the test and Eric was reluctant to sign it up front based on what his score would be. Dr. Randy said he showed Eric about the ranges that he could fall into and asked Eric where he wanted to fall into. He said that he guessed that Eric would fall within a certain range based on what he talked to him about. He said he tried to calm him down and get the test over with. He said that Eric was okay with that at the time.
Dr. Randy said he can't give him the score right there. He said he took the test home so he could score it. He said he did tell him that he would call him back and tell him where his range was. He said he did give him the range but not the exact score. He said he basically just told Eric that he would be happy where he came out. Gary said that he wished that he hadn't even done that. Gary said that wasn't the deal for Eric and he's really just a monstrous pain in the ass.
Benjy asked if he knows who Jon is and about what he said about the doctor calking with his ''range.'' Dr. Randy did know who he was and he did hear the conversation he had with Eric. Gary said this never should have happened because Eric know how it works and he shouldn't have asked for a range or his score or whatever. He's the only one they had an incident with.
Jason said he's not sure what Eric is so angry about. It sounds like he got what he wanted. Benjy said that they were saying that he was brow beating the doctor. Dr. Randy said that Eric didn't want to sign the release and he tried to calm him down by saying he'd give him the range he was in.
Gary said that Eric lied too because he said he didn't press the doctor for the score but he did press him for a range. Jon asked the doctor if he thinks Eric would have taken the test if he hadn't agreed to give him the range. Dr. Randy said he thinks that he would have. Gary said that Eric may not have brow beat him but he did pester him.
Jason asked what Eric is so angry about because he got what he was promised. Jason said he's not sure why he's so angry because he was yelling about getting his score this morning and that's not what he agreed to.
Dr. Randy said that when he spoke to Eric he was okay. Gary said Eric ended up leaving Jason some voice mails where he was screaming at him. Gary said that no one else is an issue. It's just Eric. He said there are 8 people taking the test and no one else is a problem.
Gary said he's going to retract his statement about Eric brow beating the doctor but he should know what's going on and how the show works.
Jon let Dr. Randy go and said that he's not sure if they'll hear from Eric on Monday. Howard has said it will be an Eric Free day that day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard can't have an Eric Free day. He said that there's no way he'll be able to avoid taking the call. Gary said he picked up on Eric's roommate because he's more reasonable. Benjy said that they have a similar rhythm on the phone. They even use similar words that the guys noticed.
The caller said that Fratto will call Eric and get him going again and Howard will pick up on him. Jon said that Eric will be on the line but Howard may not pick up on him. Gary said the weekend could soften Howard up a bit.
Another caller asked why Howard gives Eric another chance every time. Gary said that Howard likes Eric and he likes to give him a chance but he sounded very angry today.
Jon said when Mike went into the studio and Gary put his headphones on he almost had a douchey moment. Gary said he told him what was going to happen and he knows that he wasn't listening to him both times he gave him the information. He said that he got yelled at for almost touching his hair. Tony Bennett did the same thing to him. He said that Tony took the headphones and threw them across the room.
Jon said that Mike said ''I'll be honest with you'' like 50 times. Jason said that's just the way he talks. Gary said that they had a girl in a beauty pageant once who said that and they didn't believe one word she said because of that.
Jon asked the guys if they respect what he has accomplished. Gary said he guesses he does. He said even Mike would admit that he got lucky. Jason said he thinks that he's taking it further than a lot of people could. He said he has to give him props for what he's done so far.
Jon asked JD about what he thinks. JD said he doesn't want to keep talking about him. He said that the way he talks about himself in the third person and the app he has to show where the tanning places and gyms are at just annoys him. JD said he doesn't think that all reality shows are crap but that one really bothers him.
JD said that Big Brother is different because they do have a competition on there. Jon said that's bullshit because those people are on the show for the same reason the Jersey Shore people are on. Jason told JD that it would be harder to hang out win the Jersey Shore house than it would be to hang out in the Big Brother house.
Benjy asked the guys if they look at Snooki and try to figure out if she's hot. Jon just kept going and didn't answer. Jon asked JD if he has a problem with Mike the way he does with Jared. JD said that's a whole different situation.
Jon said that JD is well known because he's on Howard's show so how is that different than Mike. JD said that he's trade marking everything he says and it's just not right. Gary asked JD if someone came up to him and asked him to be part of a vodka company, he'd do it. JD said he doesn't know about that. JD said he doesn't feel worthy of any endorsements. He said he'd have to think about that if he did get an offer like that.
Jason said that there is a JD Harmeyer out there who is jealous of JD for being able to bang a stripper and things like that. JD said he doesn't go around bragging about it though. He said that's the difference. Jon said that he will have people who are jealous of him out there. JD said he's sorry but he's not sure what else to say. Jon said that it's the same kind of thing going on with him and The Situation.
The guys went back and forth with JD on that stuff for a few minutes. Jason seemed to think that he was just like The Situation in his own way.
Benjy said he didn't think that Mike was that good looking. JD said he's fine. Gary said he has a look and a confidence that gets him girls.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Mike seems like an okay guy and he's always cleaning up after the other guys on the show. He said JD didn't need to treat him the way he was. He said the guy is out there making money and doing his thing. Gary said he can understand JD disliking Heidi and Spencer because of the way they act. He said that Mike doesn't give that impression at all. He said he seems like a good guy. JD said he doesn't know what he's saying and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Mike is not attractive. She said that she's seen the way he comes off and there is nothing real about that reality show. Jason said he disagrees with her about that. He said that's one of the better reality shows out there. Jon said it's the most successful cable show out there so they have to give them that at least.
Ralph called in and said that the show isn't a reality. He said he'd love to see this guy making all of these deals he's making instead of the situation they put him in on that show.
Ralph also said that Mike does have a butter face. He agreed with Benjy about that. Benjy said that Jason looks like a big, blown up version of him actually.
Ralph said that JD's problem is that he gets worked up when someone has confidence. JD said it's over confidence that Mike has. He said that he has to trade mark everything and no one is using those terms. He said that they're all such idiots. Gary told him to just not buy into it then. JD said he doesn't.
Jon asked Ralph what JD should do. Ralph said that he should learn from someone like that and not get so angry. Benjy said he thinks it's ridiculous how people get so angry over music and say that guys like Justin Bieber are ruining music. He said that JD takes it way to seriously.
Gary said people are amused with JD getting so upset about that when it's just a reality TV guy. He said he's not getting upset about politics or anything. JD said he would get upset if someone like Christine O'Donnell was in the studio today.
Ralph got in a plug for this week's Geektime that's on Saturday from 2-5pm. Ralph said he has the new iPad software and they'll be talking about that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about how he was going to be a judge in the Penthouse Pet Pageant and he walked into the studio and got kicked out. JD said he didn't know if he was supposed to go in or not. He said Gary wasn't around so he wasn't sure what to do.
The guys talked about how hot the girls were and Gary said that he knew the F-cups were real because they were asymmetrical and they didn't match. He said if they were fake they would have been the same.
Benjy said that Sabrina was hot but he really liked Jelena too. They talked about why they voted for the people they voted for. Gary said he loved Sabrina's personality. He said the truth just spilled right out of her mouth when Howard would ask her questions.
Jon said that this was one of the most memorable talent portions of the show they've ever had. They were all awful but they all performed nude too.
Jon asked about Sabrina's ''Pink Panther.'' Gary said she got two notes right and she was thrilled with that. He said that he's not sure he'd go on a show and claim that was his talent.
Jon said that the poem didn't really rhyme but she did work in the names of the crew there. Gary said he's pretty sure that she didn't write it. He said that the publicist from Penthouse may have done it but that's just a feeling he has.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he'd like to know where Mike's book is in the Amazon list. He wondered if he's higher than Gary's. Gary said he wouldn't be mad if he was in front of him. Gary said he's not sure they're even on the same list. Gary said his is under non-fiction and Mike's is under something else. Gary said he wants to beat anyone. He said he would like to beat everyone in front of him because he's competitive.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets JD being upset with Mike because of the way he acts. He said he thinks that Howard has gotten too easy on the guests. He said years ago Howard would have ripped him apart. Gary said they don't do that on this show though. He said they don't invite someone in to rip them apart. He said that Howard wanted to find out what the guy's life was like. The caller said he would have liked to have called in and laid into him. Jon said that JD laid into him. The caller said that people just don't know any better and that's why they watch that crap on TV. He said it's like people calling Elvis the King of Rock. Gary said he disagrees with him about Elvis. Gary also liked the way Mike handled JD today and didn't get upset with him.
The caller said he thinks that Mike is just overly confident. Gary said he kind of liked what he heard today. The caller just said ''Eww.'' Jon asked Gary about what Elvis songs he liked. Gary came up with a few and then they got back on the phones.
Another caller said he wanted to talk about Eric the Midget. He asked how long he's been calling into the show. Gary said he's not sure. The caller asked if he has ever laughed at anything. They said they have gotten him laughing a couple of times. The caller said he's never heard him laugh. The guy said that he seems to have no sense of humor at all and it's weird that he's on the funniest radio show of all time. Gary said that he constantly hates him on the voice mail but he'll never call in and talk to him on this show.
The caller asked if Howard has ever banned a wack packer. He said Elliot Offen might be one but no others. Gary said he's sure there have been a couple. JD was hooting so Gary asked what was so funny. JD said it was nothing.
The caller asked JD about the porn clips that he has played for Howard. He said that the forced orgasm thing seemed more like ''almost rape.''
Jon asked Gary if he thinks it's okay for these guys to watch porn. Gary said it's fine but he finds it odd that Sal would almost rather watch porn than have sex with his wife. They spent a minute on that before they had to end the show.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:45am.