|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about his weekend. He said his mother called to thank him for the flowers he sent to her from ProFlowers.com. Howard said she was very happy about that. He said his sister somehow took her to lunch too. Howard said that was good that he had his own thing that he had done for her. Robin said she had the same type of thing with her mom.
Howard said he didn't really have to do anything for his mother since he fixed up her house. That was like 50,000 mother's day gifts. Howard said he shouldn't have to send anything. Howard said he should have a 10 year pass on even calling her. Artie told him that the should just have to call and tell her ''you're welcome for the sheet rock in your kitchen.'' Howard said he could have called her to tell her that he wasn't going to call her because of that whole thing.
Artie said his mother's birthday is a week after Mother's day so he has that double whammy. He mentioned being on coke and remembering to call his mother. That led to Robin talking about some brain scans she saw in the paper of drug and alcohol addicts that all looked similar to Alzheimers sufferers.
Howard said his mother thanked him for the gift and went through that conversation. Then his father wanted to talk to him and that was odd because he doesn't usually want to do that.
Howard said his father is hard of hearing and he rarely wants to speak to him but when he does, he hears him in the background yelling at her that he wants to get on the line. Howard said his father will say ''I want to talk to him!'' in that very distinctive voice of his. His mother will start telling him that he wants to talk to him and she has to stop the presses and let him do that.
Howard said his father got on the line and told him that he was watching TV and heard Howard's name mentioned during the Mets game. Howard said his father just kept barreling on and said that he had never seen such a horrible pitch in his life when he saw Gary throw the ball. Artie was laughing his ass off about that.
Howard said he told his father that Gary's worst nightmare was to throw a bad pitch. His father said he had never seen such a bad pitch. Howard said this was Gary's worst nightmare.
Howard said he was smelling the first two hours of the show when he heard it was a bad pitch. Howard said he immediately watched the pitch after that. Howard said he had it right there to watch and even his father wanted to see it again.
Howard said he watched the pitch and even Beth said he threw it like a girl. Beth said that she could throw it better than that. Howard said her father taught her how to throw so she thinks that she could throw a pitch better than Gary. He said she was always grateful that her father was a sports guy because she could throw a ball.
Artie continued to laugh his ass off as Howard was telling this story. Howard went on to say that he saw Artie standing there next to the pitcher there at the game. Howard said he thought Artie was there alone but Artie said that his guy Joe was right next to him there on the field.
Howard said he saw Gary was up in Toronto to see a Bruce Springsteen concert the night before the pitch. Howard said he wrote to Gary and told him that maybe if he hadn't gone there he could have gotten sleep for the pitch. Howard said Gary told him that he was getting drunk after that. He said Gary didn't know why he did it after that.
Howard said he told Sal and Richard to get a hold of Kevin Lofton and tell him to animate what happens to the ball after he pitches it. Howard said it was unbelievably bad. Artie said he wishes that he would have played catch with Gary because he would have informed him that he throws like a chick and he would have begged him not to do it. He said he just can't go out and do that because he throws so poorly.
Artie said he would have known it immediately. Artie said Jon Hein isn't his friend because he threw pitches with him and didn't inform him that he throws like a chick. Artie said that his sister throws like that. He's not sure what they do wrong but they just throw wildly.
Artie said the Umpire ended up catching the ball because the catcher wasn't going to get up to go get it. Artie was laughing as he said that the umpire went after the ball. Artie laughed his ass off telling that story.
Artie said he told Robert Smigel that they had just seen Lance Bass throw the pitch. He said that everyone was Baba Booeying and calling Gary a fag there at the stadium.
Howard said he asked Gary what Artie had said that day and Artie was being nice. No one was saying anything to him at all this morning. They're all saving it for him today.
Howard said the Daily News called his pitch the most embarrassing pitch in ceremonial pitch history. Artie said he told Gary to say that he had autism because they would have understood that.
Will came in and said that he brought his whole family to see that pitch. Will said that Gary put his head down and he was very embarrassed.
Artie said Gary's son Lucas came up to him and told him that he had to make fun of him if he screwed up. He said after the pitch Lucas asked him not to be too hard on him. He said he has to do his job this morning though so he will be goofing on him.
Howard said Sal is out in the hall throwing like Gary with the Gary mask on. Howard said Sal was out there winding up and throwing just as bad as Gary. Howard said that should be Sal's stand-up act.
Artie said that Will is a Phillies fan so all of his family were too and they were all there to see Gary throw. Will said he saw Gary throw that ball and it went about 5 feet to the right and it was so embarrassing.
Ralph called in and said that he thought Star Trek was good. He said this pitch was better. Ralph didn't know how Gary could miss the catcher by that much. Howard said that Gary had hired a pitching coach and a psychologist to help him get through it. He said it didn't work at all. Artie said he should have had his psychologist throw the pitch.
Artie said he can tell that Gary just can't throw. He said he could tell by just watching him once. He could have told him not to do it if he had played catch with him.
Howard asked if it was worse than Chris Rock's pitch. Artie said it was worse. Artie said that Sebastian Bach was there and he had the funniest line of the day. He said Sebastian came up to him and said that all he knew was that Gary threw worse than he sang. Artie said that was the best line.
Howard read the daily news article where they called Gary's pitch the most embarrassing ever. Artie said that he's thinking that Gary should be picking out Howard's clothes now.
Artie and Ralph talked about how bad the pitch was and how embarrassing it was. Gary finally came in and said that he didn't think it was worse than Chris Rock's pitch. He said he would love to have his publicist because he can't find a shot of that pitch anywhere. He said he's not sure how that's even possible.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have video of the pitch. He had them play that. Artie said he had to see it again too. Robin laughed her ass off when she saw that too.
Gary said he swears he can throw even though that video makes it look like he can't. Gary said that he can throw better than that. He swore that he could.
Gary said he was standing on the side and he started to dry heave because he was so nervous. He said he was coughing from the dry heaving. Gary said that he got so much advice about the whole thing that he was doing a combo of all of the suggested ways to throw the ball. Artie said it was a ''combo of gay guy and chick.''
Howard asked Gary what he was thinking when the ball left his hand. Gary said that was the worst case for him and he knew that he had done everything wrong.
Gary said he got calls from everyone over the weekend. Howard said he was the first on his Facebook. Gary said he got texts from Chris Booker who told him he was on the news. Robin said he wouldn't have been on the news if he had thrown it right.
Howard said he had a montage of news reports about Gary's pitch. He said it was all over the place. Gary said he didn't know that this was going to be all over the news like this. Artie said this was ''Star Wars big'' for him.
Gary said he knew that they were going to make fun of him no matter what. Gary said that during the game he was interviewed and they showed the pitch because they hadn't aired it before that. Gary said it wasn't going to be a big deal until then.
Gary said he was watching the game on Sunday and they were doing a side by side thing on the air showing just how bad it was. Howard said they might end up using that clip at the start of every game now. Gary said that his was bad but they found that it wasn't really the worst. They found it was the second worst next to the Mayor of Cincinnati.
Gary said he was all stressed out before the pitch. He said Mary had to put up with that for 2 weeks and now she had to put up with it even more because it was in the news. Gary said he hung his head and went into his office. He said Mary came in and asked if he was going to ruin mother's day for her. Gary said this was a disaster.
Artie said that these guys were all telling him what to say on the show. He said that they were all telling him to tell Gary he was a fag. Ralph told Gary that this was the best thing he could have done because it's great for the show.
Howard played some song parodies that Sal and Richard had already made up for Gary. They were relentless with the goofing. Howard said he had Gary's kids on the phone but it was just audio of kids laughing.
Gary said he got a text on Sunday and someone asked him how he was doing after the pitch. Gary said he wasn't sure who had sent it. It turned out to be the owner of the Mets. He said that he wanted to make sure he was doing okay after that.
Howard said they had audio of the pitch announcer doing it in Spanish. It was faked and they were calling Gary names and throwing out his many goofy names in that clip.
Gary said that some people were really putting the best spin on it that they could. Gary said that some were telling him it was a disaster and being nice but then people were saying it was the worst thing ever. Howard said he posted on Gary's Facebook and asked him what the hell had gone on.
Howard said he heard about Gary going up to Toronto and how he didn't have a great time getting up there. Gary said they almost didn't make it.
Jason came in with a Newsday report about Gary's pitch. They had the tape on the newspaper's web site so people can watch it. Howard read some of the comments on the web site. Jason said those weren't comments from readers, that was the author of the article.
Artie said that he went to the old Shea Stadium to see the Rolling Stones and the Who in the past and this pitch beat both of those visits to the Mets stadium. Artie also said that he went to that new stadium wanting to hate it but he actually loved it.
Artie said he has thrown out a baseball a million times and he really doesn't think that Gary can throw. Gary said he can throw and this was just a fluke thing. Howard said it was Gary's worst nightmare and it couldn't have done any worse.
Gary said he got the ball he threw. He's going to keep it. Howard told him not to keep that thing, he should throw it out. Artie told him to have all of N' Sync sign the ball for him. Robin said there must be something wrong with it. Artie told Gary that he should have that guy Lou who discovered the Backstreet Boys sign the ball.
Gary said he expected all of this today. He was just standing there watching Howard and Artie goofing on him relentlessly and didn't know what to do.
Artie said that everyone there knew Gary as Baba Booey. Artie said there was this one guy working there by the name of Charlie. He said the guy asked him what he thought about what was going to happen. Then after the pitch he was walking around saying ''What a fuckin' fag'' and saying that he had never seen a worse throw. Artie said the guy told him that he had once seen a guy suck a cock and that pitch was still the gayest thing he had ever seen.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that Gary has to let him set up the pitch again so he can redeem himself. Howard said he really does have to do that. Artie said he wants to play catch with Gary and let him know what he really thinks.
Howard said that Gary thinks that he can throw and he's like one of those guys who thinks he's funny but he's not. Artie said there are major league pitchers telling Gary he can't throw. Howard said even his father was telling him about how awful that pitch was and the guy hasn't called him in 10 years.
Robin said this guy who picked her up at the airport yesterday told her ''Gary sucks!'' when he picked her up. Howard said he's the one getting fucked because he's in the news.
Howard said this is a huge disaster. Ralph told Gary that he really can't pitch. Gary told Ralph he can't even find a job. He told Ralph to prove that he can throw by throwing out that first pitch at Citi Field. Ralph said he can throw it better than him.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they had multiple angles of Gary's pitch and they analyzed it and found that he had licked his lips in the middle of the pitch. Howard said Doug made a big deal out of this thing because they got a licensing deal with Major League Baseball so they want people to watch it on Howard TV instead of on YouTube where it's illegal.
Howard watched the pitch again and said that he knows that Gary threw it wrong even though he doesn't know how to pitch himself.
Artie asked if any of the Mets were laughing at him. Gary said he got a note from a friend who said that it was worse than he imagines. All of the players were apparently goofing on him. Artie said he would have told Gary just not to look like a broad. He said it's a lot of pressure on a guy.
Gary said that he didn't hire that pitching coach that they were talking about earlier. He said he just spoke to the guy on the phone.
Gary also said that he teaches batting practice so he knows that he can pitch better than that. Artie said ''Yeah right.''
Artie told another Sebastian Bach story. He said that everyone on the field who is a celebrity was asked to take pictures with these autistic kids out on the field. Artie said he was watching what he was saying out there since the kids were just 10 years old. Artie said Sebastian came down and told him that he had the best fuckin weed in New York and asked him to go out and get wasted with him and then thanked Gary for talking about his cock on the show.
Artie said Sebastian was telling him he read his book and his father was the same way bringing him to a Kiss concert like Artie's dad took him to a baseball game. Artie said Bach must have said ''cock'' about 10 times in front of the kids out there.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he had to go to court over weekend. He said he was in the back room where people were locked up and this guy said to him ''Did you see that pitch?'' and the guy was locked up in jail. Gary said that there's no way that story is true. Dominic said people yell out to him out on the street about it.
Howard said that guy Charlie that Artie mentioned earlier was on the phone. The guy said that he and Artie met the first time there at the stadium. Gary said that wasn't really him because he knows that guy. Artie asked him where they met and figured out it wasn't really him.
Wolfe called in and said that he has seen a better arm on a snake. He said he didn't get how he could do that so bad. Gary could have avoided most of this if he hadn't done the interview in the middle of the game that day.
Howard said he had the audio of Gary being interviewed about the pitch. That led to Artie goofing on Gary even more and naming the audio clip pages ''GGPP in red... Gary's Gay Pitch Page.'' Artie said that he wanted to see what the new field looked like so he went out to see it with his guy Joe on Saturday.
Howard said Artie is looking good and he lost a lot of weight. Artie said he's lost 40 pounds. Howard saw some of the video of the guys standing on the field and saw that guy Charlie and some of the other people that were out there with him.
Howard watched the video and saw Artie turn around and start laughing. Then he saw Charlie talking to Artie about the pitch. Artie was doubled over with laughter. Artie said that was the moment that Charlie told him the line about how he had seen a guy suck a cock and that pitch was still the gayest thing that he had ever seen.
A caller asked if they could get a close up of the people in the stands and what kind of reactions they had to the pitch. Howard said that he'd love to see that.
Artie said that these fans told him to bust Gary's balls and told him to say happy mother's day to their mom too.
Another caller said that was a great pitch. He said he loved the pitch. Howard thanked him for that. He wanted them to give Gary another chance to pitch. Artie said he'd love to throw out a pitch at a Yankees game but they're notoriously snooty. He said they may have an issue with the show but he'd love to try it. Howard said that George Steinbrenner used to be on the show all the time.
another caller asked Gary if this was more embarrassing than his love video that they played on the show. Gary said he hasn't decided on that yet. Howard said he thinks this might be more embarrassing.
Howard was going to play the audio of the interview that Gary did with this guy during the Mets game. Gary said he knew that this was set up in advance because he was going to talk about this autism charity.
Howard said he woke up kind of happy this morning because he knew the show was going to be easy based on what Gary did.
Howard said he told Gary not to do this. He went ahead and did it anyway. Artie said that if Gary was Scott DePace's son, Scott wouldn't even let him back in the house.
Howard said that he was going to play the audio of Gary talking about this pitch and how dopey Gary was for saying that this pitch wasn't even supposed to be aired. Gary said it wasn't supposed to be but they ended up playing it during the middle of the game. Gary was talking to the guys about the pitch and why he was there that day. Then they showed the pitch to Gary and Gary said that he was hoping it wouldn't end up on TV. The guys were all laughing at Gary and making fun of him for throwing so far to the right. The announcers knew that Gary was going to be goofed on relentlessly for the next two years about that.
Gary said the good news is that on his TV they cut that clip off early. He said he missed some of that conversation. Ralph told Howard he has to re-sign to stay on there because they can't let this go after just one more year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to thank Gary for a great weekend of comedy for everyone on SFN. Sal called in as Gary's dead father but Howard hit the delay on him for whatever it was he said.
Howard and the guys continued to goof on Gary about the pitch. They had already gone an hour and 10 minutes talking about it.
Artie was still laughing his ass off every time he thought about it. Artie said it was a great New York moment because they're so brutally honest there in New York. Artie said the word ''fag'' was floating all over the place out there on the field.
Howard said Artie was doubled over in laughter after the pitch. Howard asked Gary how he's going to go on with his life. Gary said that it will pass. He said he had to go out and watch his kids play flag football and most people hadn't even seen the pitch. Gary said he figured that's all the people were going to talk about. He said Mary was worried that it was going to ruin the day.
Gary said one guy came over to him and asked him ''What was that?'' He said it was just the one guy yesterday. Then his in-laws came over and talked about it.
Gary said he went to sleep on Saturday night and woke up at 2 in the morning in a sweat. He said he can't get it off his mind. Gary said it was playing over and over in his head and he didn't know why he threw it the way he did.
Artie said that this is like Scott Norwood. He said he's the one who missed the 47 yard field goal in the Super Bowl for the winning kick. Artie said that there was an auto parts store called Norwood Auto Parts and they went out of business because they were part of the joke based on his bad kick. Artie said that this is never going to go away with Gary either.
Artie said that he had a gig that night and everyone there knew about the pitch. Gary said his instincts were right last week for him not to do it. Howard asked Gary if he thinks that he wanted to fail in some way and it was a psychological thing. Gary said he thinks that Howard is reading too much into it because he really wanted it to go well. He said that it just didn't happen.
Artie said he saw the look on Gary's face and it was that look of defeat that he's seen on the show when Fred will play one of the Baba Booey song parodies as he's trying to make a point.
Howard watched the video again where Gary threw the pitch. Gary bent over in defeat after throwing that pitch. Ralph said Gary ran out on the field kind of ''spazzy'' too.
Howard said Gary had stuck his tongue out when he was pitching too. Howard asked if the garage guys were heckling him too. Gary said that they weren't being so bad. Artie was making fun of Gary as if he were one of those guys. He was saying that he would park his gay car and calling Gary ''faga booey.''
Gary said that this guy John runs the garage and he didn't say much about it. He said that guy wouldn't let anyone off the hook for anything. He said he just made a quick comment about him missing the plate.
Artie said he would have told Gary how to call in sick this morning or told him that he should have made Benjy late.
Artie said that it was so perfect the way Howard set this whole story up this morning with his father calling him. Howard asked if they think that this is going to be prevalent on the show or will it go away. Gary said that it will be prevalent and it will not go away.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they had ever seen that show ''Time Warp'' where they do this super slow motion thing. He said they have to get Gary's face on that.
Gary said the first time he saw the pitch was on a guy's video camera that he had taken at the field. He said it was much worse than he thought it was going to be.
Artie said that what Gary did for the autistic kids was great. He said that the parents all looked really tired and not so happy until the pitch. After the pitch they were all smiling.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he was very sorry but he didn't expect anything less of him. Artie did his Jeff voice and told Gary that he throws like his ass looks and throws like he fucks. Howard said that Jeff could probably throw better with his bad arm than Gary threw. Jeff said that's probably true.
Howard said that Artie's 40 pound weight loss happened pretty quick. Artie said he got off the Subutex and that's what was causing the weight gain. He said he's eating better now too. Artie said he almost called Ralph to go see Star Trek yesterday. Ralph said he would go. Howard said he'd go again too. They were talking about going to see it in an Imax theater. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they had Lisa Lampanelli and Dennis Rodman coming in today. Howard also said he heard that Celebrity Apprentice was really good this season. Fred said it was pretty brutal this season and he's not sure why the celebrities would want to go on that show.
Howard said he had some audio of Sebastian Bach saying cock out on the field in front of the Autistic kids. He said Lisa G was out there and taped it all. Howard played some of it where Sebastian was thanking Gary for talking about his cock in front of the kids.
Howard had Lisa G come in there to talk about that and her news report. Lisa said that she thought Gary was going to cry that day. She said she almost called Howard about that. Artie said he could have gotten Gary to cry but he stood back.
Lisa said Artie asked Gary if he wanted him to teach him how to phone in sick on Monday. Howard said he could imagine that and did the impression with the little cough that Artie does when he calls in sick. Lisa said that was a lot of fun out there that day. Artie said she was looking kind of hot in the pants she was wearing. Lisa talked about some of the guys who were there and how fat Rusty Staub had gotten.
Gary came in and said that John Franco was there and he was tormenting him about the pitch. Gary said he busted his chops from the suite all the way down to the field.
Howard said that Lisa is going to be doing the Lisa Lampanelli show tonight on Howard 101. He said they're going to try and get her a date tonight.
Artie said Lisa was looking really hot at the game and told her that she should wear that all the time if she wants to get laid. Howard said she should be wearing a micro-mini skirt, heels, no panties and all of that.
Artie said that he told Rusty Staub that Lisa was his wife and Rusty really didn't give a shit. Lisa got in a plug for XM subscribers because they will be able to hear Howard 100 and 101 for free starting next week, for a week. Howard said that was his idea to offer it for free. He told Scott Greenstein that they should give it away for free and they're doing that for a week.
Lisa said that Lisa G is a good looking girl. Lisa said Lisa G is about an 8 for her age. Lisa said that Lisa G has to get something going on and she might need implants or something. Lisa L said she had some cutlets in her bra and they really work. Lisa G said she has a pair, she just has to dust them off.
Lisa L took out her breast cutlet to show what they look like. Lisa said they just push the boobs up a little bit. Howard said he liked the tit without the cutlet. Lisa said that maybe she'll leave one in and one out. Then she took both out and handed them to Lisa G. Artie told Lisa to take out the ass implants too. Lisa just laughed.
Howard said that tonight Lisa Lampanelli is doing this dating show for Lisa G on Howard 101. Lisa said they have one guy who has cats since Lisa G likes cats.
Howard asked Lisa why she keeps calling Lisa G a cunt. Lisa said she was doing that in fun but she really thinks that Lisa G has to do something to make herself more fun.
Howard said that Lisa found an anchor man with two cats and she was already bad mouthing the guy. Lisa G was saying that she might have to share the mirror with the guy every morning. Howard said she's out of her mind.
Howard said Lisa L met a new guy and she's already talking about marrying the guy. He said that Lisa used to date black guys only but now she's found a white guy. Howard said Lisa used to think all she could get were black guys.
Howard asked if this new guy is white. Lisa said that he is. She said she had met him on the Jim Breuer show a couple of years ago. They were both in relationships but they got together recently, about 3 weeks ago, and they're having a great time.
Lisa said that she had to bang the guy on Saturday night and it was really good. Lisa said that she had only blown him up until Saturday night.
Howard said he heard that this guy had massive balls. Lisa said that he did. The guy, Jim, was there with her so Howard had him come in. When he came in Howard said this guy is a man. He said he wasn't going to fuck with that guy.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's in the Mafia or anything. Jim said he's not in anything like that. Jim said that he does body guard stuff and things like that.
Howard asked Jim why he was on the Jim Breuer show. Lisa said that he used to own a club and he knew Breuer so he was a semi-regular on the show.
Howard asked Jim if Lisa gives a good blow job. Jim said that she's very good. Howard asked about the balls. Lisa said that he's got a nice penis but his balls are huge. She said that they looked like Jim Florentine's balls if they were stung by bees.
Lisa said that the first time she saw his balls they were shocking. She said that they were like two grapefruits. Jim said that they are pretty big from what he's been told. Lisa said that she was afraid to get banged by this guy because she's afraid he's going to break her cunt. She said that they're almost like a bean bag chair.
Lisa said that she has to use two hands on this guy's balls because they're so big. She said that she fell over trying to tickle them because they're so big. She said that she swallows his load too because she is in love. She said that she has always wanted a guy like this and she really loves him.
Artie asked Jim if he's got a problem with Lisa having been with black guys. Jim said he has no problem with that. Artie told Lisa to be careful with this guy because he does look like he's in the mob and it might end up being like the end of Goodfellas. He did his impression of that movie and Jim acting like the Henry Hill character.
Howard said Jimmy seems to be a nice guy and told Lisa G that she has to keep an open mind about doing this show tonight.
Howard named Jimmy ''Jimmy Big Balls.'' He asked Lisa and Jimmy about having sex for the first time on Saturday night. Lisa said that they had created a new position and it worked out very well. Lisa said it lasted very long too and it must have been a half hour. Lisa said it was very cool and the blacks were never that good.
Lisa told Howard that she told Jimmy that he could put it anywhere in her but then she stopped him. He got a little confused about that. Lisa said that he also didn't use a rubber but she's not worried about that because she's 47 years old. She said if she does have a kid, it'll end up being retarded and she won't have to worry about sending him to college.
Lisa said she even brought Jimmy to meet her family. She introduced her to her niece and her parents. Lisa said that her mother actually liked Jimmy and she's never liked anyone she dated. That may have had to do with the fact that they were all black in the past. Howard said that Lisa has to be calm around his parents. Jimmy said his father will do all of the talking. She won't have to say much.
Howard asked if they're really going to get married. Lisa said that they have been talking about it but he hasn't proposed to her yet. Jimmy said that as soon as Lisa opened her apartment door he knew that things were right. Howard said that Lisa looks really happy and looks better than ever. Lisa said she's having a great time and she really loves this guy so things are going great.
Howard asked Jimmy about the door opening thing. Jimmy said he was talking about Lisa and not her apartment. He said he knew they were right for each other. Howard asked Lisa G if she wants this in her life. Lisa G said that it clicked for them and she hasn't found that. Howard said that maybe this anchor man will work out for Lisa G. Lisa G said she will go in with an open mind.
Lisa L told Lisa G to at least hike up the tits tonight. Lisa L told G that she has nice arms. Lisa G said she doesn't want to be totally different. Artie asked her to just be somebody else. Howard told Lisa G to get some spray tan or something. Lisa G said she can't do that, she'd sneeze if she got that stuff.
Howard told Lisa G to wear a nice mini-skirt or something. He told her not to cover up her legs with stockings or anything. Lisa L told G that she's going to take her out shopping this afternoon to help her out. She has a stylist there to help her out too.
Artie did his impression of Lisa Lampanelli and threw out all of the racial slurs she uses in her act. He was going on and on with that stuff for a couple of minutes.
Howard asked Lisa G what she was going to wear tonight. Lisa said she was going to wear the skirt, a spray tan and the cutlets in her bra. Lisa G said that would take too long to get all of that done. She said that she can't get it all done today.
High Pitch Eric called in and told Lisa G that she should wear a tank top and a mini-skirt. Eric told her that she's really not that bad looking. Artie did his impression of Eric and goofed on the way he was talking to her.
Howard said that Lisa G is very attractive and very nice but she has to step up her game. He told her that she doesn't know how to dress just like Gary is a guy who doesn't know how to pitch.
Howard said that Lisa L has to calm down with the marriage talk already. they've only banged once and they've only been dating for 3 weeks now. Howard said that they can't talk about that so soon.
Lisa G asked Howard if he knew that he and Beth were a perfect match after 3 weeks. Howard said that he kind of knows what they're talking about. Artie said he knew that he and Dana were going to end up breaking up in a horrible way after dating her for just 3 weeks.
Howard told Jimmy that he liked him but he can't imagine Lisa licking his huge balls. Artie said that he has to find a fat chick himself.
Howard said that Lisa will be hosting the Lisa G dating game tonight on Howard 101. He said they'll have 3 guys on the show and Lisa will find Lisa G a new man to date. Lisa L said that she has found 3 great guys for her and one is a Grammy winner. Artie said he has a guy calling in who is a successful comedian and a sidekick on the Howard Stern Show.
Artie said that he will eventually fuck Lisa G before they leave SIRIUS. He said he will do her in the men's room in front of Cousin Brucie, Opie and Anthony.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the guys who are playing tonight are deaf. Lisa L said she should have screened them because Lisa G does have that ''annoying Jew Broad voice.'' Artie was doing his Lisa Lampanelli impression again and told Lisa G that she should just be rubbing the guy's cocks on the show.
Another caller asked the fat ugly cunt why she was wasting her time with the skinny ugly cunt. The caller said that she's a glom. Howard hung up on that guy and moved on to the next. Another caller said that Lisa Lampanelli is the best. The next caller said that Howard should sue Ringling Brothers because he really has the greatest show on earth. He also told Lisa that she's the greatest.
Howard gave Lisa some plugs for her upcoming book ''Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks'' and her CD and DVD called ''Long Live The Queen'' and for her web site InsultComic.com. Howard also talked about the show she's doing tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm Eastern. Mike Morse will also be part of that show tonight. Lisa said he opens for her at the comedy shows now that she's fired all of the cunts she used to have open for her.
Howard came back and said that the Gary pitch isn't going to die. The FOX 5 local news was covering it this morning. Howard played the audio of that report where they called Gary a ''disgrace'' for what he did. They talked about his ''Baba Booey'' name for a few minutes and goofed on him the whole time.
Howard said they really spent a long time on that. Fred said that they didn't mention that Manny Ramirez had just been suspended. Everything is about Gary's pitch.
Artie said that Darryl Strawberry was supposed to be there in the suite with them that day. He just never showed up. Howard said that Gary's pitch is the number one search on google trends this morning.
Howard said that Dennis Rodman is there this morning and he was apparently on the last episode of Celebrity Apprentice even though he had been fired before.
Howard said that Dennis was fighting with people on the show and he had some audio of that. He played one clip of Dennis fighting with Clint Black on the show. Howard said that Dennis was saying ''You think you're fuckin' right bro?'' in the clip. It sounded like he was saying ''white'' but Howard said he was saying ''right.''
Howard said that Dennis was going off on the guy for not being a team player but Rodman wasn't much of a team player when he was playing basketball. He wouldn't show up to practice and stuff.
Howard had Dennis come in a short time later. Howard said Donald Trump claimed that Dennis was going into rehab after the show but that's apparently not true because he was there this morning.
Howard said Dennis was looking good. Dennis said it was a little early for him. He said he hadn't been there for a while either.
Howard asked if it's true that he has an alcohol problem. Dennis just grunted. Howard said his favorite story about Dennis is the Carmen Electra story. Howard said that Dennis fucked the shit out of her and then dumped her ass. Dennis said he didn't dump her. Howard said he cheated on her. Artie said those chicks just fell out of the ceiling like Dennis said they did.
Howard said that he would have thought it was enough if he had Carmen. Dennis said that there are people who get cheated on all the time no matter how hot they are. Dennis said it happens to everyone.
Howard said Dennis must have known he was going to get caught that time he was in Vegas. Dennis said that was his body guard's fault. He drank too much that night and let her get by. Dennis said that Carmen has some new guy that's in a band and she's doing fine.
Howard asked Dennis if he's ever going to be faithful to one woman. Dennis said it depends on whether or not he can get to that age of 60. He said that's when he'll settle down. Artie told him he can't turn 60 because he's too cool.
The guys talked about how Hugh Hefner is still banging at 87 or whatever his age is. Howard said he heard that Dennis got divorced. Dennis said that was news to him.
Howard asked Dennis about fighting with Clint Black on that show. Dennis said that guy has an ego where he thinks that he's the shit but his career has been over for years in his opinion. Dennis said he thought that they could have had better people on the show than that.
Howard asked Dennis about the other stars on the Celebrity Apprentice show. Dennis said that there were a few who weren't really celebrities. Dennis said that Jesse James has kind of been a dick to him over the years even though they've known each other for years.
Dennis said that he knows Dice Clay's kids and they're Jewish. He said that the show last night was so real and it was really weird because it was like being at a Bar Mitzvah. Dennis said the audience was filled with all of the Jewish kids that he played ball against when he was a kid.
Dennis said it was just way too much last night with the photograph session and all of the stuff that was going on. He was there from 4 in the afternoon until 11 at night.
Dennis said that Joan and Melissa were great even though they're Jewish. Artie got a laugh out of that. He asked Dennis if he would ''fuck the Jew right outta her?'' Dennis said he would fuck her but then said he wouldn't.
Howard asked Dennis if he's still married. Dennis said he is but they don't talk very often. Robin asked Dennis how he stays married and doesn't talk to the woman. Dennis told her to ask Howard, he did it for years. Artie got a laugh out of that too.
Howard asked Dennis about the Jewish neighborhood thing and why he was always with Jewish people. Dennis said that it must be because he's so attracted to them. He said he has dated Jewish chicks. He also said that he can blend into that community just like he does in any community.
Howard asked Dennis if he got paid well to do the Celebrity Apprentice show. Dennis said he did okay with that but it wasn't like he was being paid $50 million.
Howard asked Dennis about the drinking problem. Dennis said he's going to be doing some rehab stuff with this guy Don who has helped other guys stop. Dennis said that he can stop drinking for a while but that's not his nature to give it up completely. He said he has to work it into his program.
Dennis said he went back to the hotel last night after the Apprentice show. Artie asked him what hotel he was staying at. It wasn't clear why he was asking but Dennis didn't say which one it was.
Howard asked Dennis why he didn't just get up and leave the Apprentice show if he didn't like the way he was being treated. Dennis said that he actually did get up and leave almost every episode.
Howard asked Dennis who he hated the most on the show. Dennis said that he doesn't like being around people who are so full of bullshit. He didn't really dislike Clint Black. He didn't want to be around his bullshit. Dennis said that they were all annoying him and trying to get him to do stuff for nothing. Dennis said that there was no reason to take the show so seriously because they were doing it for charity.
Howard asked Dennis about some chick claiming that he had done something to her. Dennis said that he was out in Vegas and this chick claimed he went behind the bar and forced her around the Hard Rock and then smacked her on the ass and she got embarrassed. Dennis said that she didn't come after him until 5 years later. Dennis said that he wasn't able to defend himself because he never saw any paperwork. He said that his lawyers are fighting it out now.
Dennis said he went to Vegas about a week ago and this woman came up to him and told him she needed to talk to him. He said that this woman told him that she was the manager there and that incident never happened and the chick has been going around trying to sue people for 10 years out there. Dennis said that they're going to get her to be a witness. Dennis said this is going to cost him 50 grand just to fight it.
Dennis told another story about shaking a guy's hand one time and the guy claimed that he had scratched him. That guy tried to sue him too. Dennis said that's the kind of stuff that happens to him. He said he never scratched anyone's hand.
Howard got a note from the guys saying that Dennis was legally separated from his wife. Dennis said he didn't know anything about that. Howard said it's crazy how Dennis doesn't know about this or worry about it at all. He just lives his life and doesn't worry about anything.
Dennis said the only thing he worries about are his kids being taken care of. He said that the kids come to see him sometimes but he doesn't go back to L.A. to visit. He said the kids are 7 and 8 years old. He said he tries to talk to them on the phone but it's not easy. He has a 22 year old daughter as well and she'll talk to him now that the money has run out.
Howard and Dennis talked more about the Apprentice show and what went on there. Artie asked Dennis why he doesn't talk to his young kids. Dennis said that he has been through that kind of stuff before and there's no reason to fight her for the chance to see the kids. If she wants to let him see them then she'll let him do that. It's not worth the fight.
Howard said he never thought that Dennis even liked that woman very much. Artie said she was annoying, he gets it. Howard said he didn't seem to be that into her.
Howard said he goes to the Knick games and you realize that it's not that easy to put together a great team. Dennis said that the guy that owns that team needs to get his ass whooped. He said that they have a guy making $23 million a year and he sits on the bench all the time. Dennis said it's ridiculous how much money they pay these guys today.
Howard asked Dennis the kind of money he'd be pulling down if he was still playing. Dennis said that the guys these days don't have the mental strength that the older guys did. Robin said that the teams these days lose in the Olympics when they go over and play.
Artie talked about how great Dennis was when he was playing. They went over some of that and then Howard asked Dennis if he had Phil Jackson show up as his intervention. Dennis said it wasn't really an intervention, it was just a ''gathering.'' Howard said it would be cool to have an intervention with a guy like Phil Jackson. Dennis wondered how that even leaked out. He said that there was only one person that would have said anything and that was his wife.
Dennis said there's no reason for anyone to bring that up. He said it's a private thing and the only person who would say anything is that one person.
Howard asked what's up with the manager guy who used to work with him. Dennis said that was Darren and he just saw him last night. They're still working together.
Howard asked Dennis what he's up to. Dennis said that he has to go out and catch a plane. He said he's got a lot going on that he can't talk about.
Howard asked Dennis about the last time he was on when he tried to get a date with Robin. Robin said she wasn't interested in that. Howard told Robin she could have been on that list with Carmen Electra and other women like that. Howard told her that she should have taken advantage of that. Artie said that it's sad that he's seen Dennis' cock and Robin hasn't. He said that's just wrong.
That cock comment led to Howard asking Dennis about breaking his penis a few times. Dennis said he did that twice with one girl and once with another one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dennis said that Beth wanted to fuck him but he turned her down. Howard thanked Dennis for not having sex with his wife. Howard really appreciated that.
Howard said that Dennis was going to be flying down to Miami. Howard asked him if he has guys who ask him to fuck their wives in front of them. Dennis said he just had a guy ask him to do that the other night. He said the guys want to sit there and watch and jack off while he's doing that. Howard asked if that was Gary Dell'Abate who did that. Artie laughed when he heard that.
Dennis said that chicks are weird. He said he doesn't believe that Howard has never been in those situations. Robin said she has seen a lesbian couple go up to Dennis and ask him to fuck one of them. She said that's how hot Dennis is.
Howard and Robin asked Dennis about who his friends are and who he hangs out with. Dennis said he still hangs out with some of the guys he used to play ball with. He said he gets along with them better off the court than he did on the court.
Dennis had a guy there with him so Howard had that guy come in. Howard asked him if he's hard to work with. The friend said that he's his assistant and he's not that hard to work with. He said that his job is to make sure that things don't get out of control with Dennis. He said that Dennis is like a bull in a China shop and he just has to make sure he doesn't break anything.
Howard asked Dennis where his real parents were and why he grew up with a white family. Dennis said that his parents were away in other countries. Dennis said that didn't happen until he was like 22 years old. Howard said that's crazy. His parents can't give him away at 22.
Howard asked Dennis who he sends Mother's Day gifts to, his white mother or black mother. Dennis said that he makes references to his black mother when he calls his white mother. Howard said they need to continue that discussion the next time he's on.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Dennis seems to have turned out to be a great guy. She said that he was great on the Celebrity Apprentice show. She talked about some of the stuff that went on during the season finale of the show last night. Dennis said that one chick almost fell out of her chair when he said he would have picked Joan to win.
Artie said that he'd be okay with Dennis going and face fucking Mariann right now if he wanted to. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dennis may have forgotten Annie's name last night. Dennis said it was more than that and he was trying to figure out who he would pick and ended up going with Joan.
High Pitch Eric called in and asked if White Castle is hiring. Robin said Eric is the one who should be going and finding out since he's the one who needs a job. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. Later in the show Gary said they forgot to plug DennisRodman.com
Howard came back and said that after Gary threw his pitch and screwed it up, the first person on voice mail to goof on him was High Pitch Eric. He played the audio of his call where Eric called Gary a ''fuckin faggot.'' Howard said that 6 hours later he left him a message asking to come in this week for the intern beauty pageant.
Howard said Big foot left a message that was kind of cryptic. Big Foot said that he needs them to contact him because he has a lot to talk about or he'll have some major problems up there.
Howard had Big Foot on the phone. Big Foot said he's had people throwing rocks at his door and a bunch of other stuff that he mumbled out. Big Foot said the neighbors throw stuff at him and he's not sure why they do that. He said that they'd better stop or a lot of people are going down.
Artie asked him when the last time was that he took a shit indoors. Big Foot said it was the last time he was thinking about Artie.
Howard asked Big Foot if he keeps to himself or starts in with the neighbors. Big Foot said he minds his own business and doesn't cause any trouble. Howard asked about the barbecue grill he was talking about. Big Foot said they threw some stuff from the grill and threw it at his door.
Big Foot said Steve Langford might be in on that. Howard said Steve isn't in on it and had Steve come in. He asked Steve if he had anything to do with messing up his life. Steve said ''absolutely not.''
Steve went on to tell a story about this fan from New Jersey that was going to drive up and help Big Foot about a year ago. That proved to be more than the guy was capable of doing and it didn't work out. That might be what Big Foot is referring to.
Big Foot said he hasn't done anything wrong there and he's been trying to clean things up there. Howard said he's on his side and he's not sure what he can do. Big Foot said that they give him flat tires, send him fireworks in his mail and things like that. Howard said it sounds like they're trying to get rid of him.
Howard asked Big Foot if he has called the cops. Big Foot said he has called the cops but they're no help. He said they can't tell the difference between their ass and their nose.
Big Foot said that he knows that Howard doesn't care about him and all he cares about is his show. He hung up a few seconds later.
Howard asked Steve if there's any way he can look into this story and find out more without getting into more trouble with Big Foot. Steve said the town of Newport, Vermont and Big Foot don't get along very well. He said Big Foot has issues with government in general.
The Howard TV guys had video of Artie making out with Blue Iris on the show not too long ago. Artie asked why he did that. Howard said he was probably on heroin. Artie said he knows that.
Steve had mentioned that Sam Simon had donated $1000 to the Blue Iris fund to get her a burial plot in the cemetery that she wanted to be buried in.
Steve said that Captain Janks is still in court over his many charges. The attorney handling Janks is getting overwhelmed with the amount of charges they have pending. Artie said that he will do dates to help Janks out but the attorney has to set something up for him.
Steve said that Stuttering John claims he doesn't listen to the Stern Show these days and doesn't even have Howard's number to call him back. Howard said he thinks that this might be John's problem, that he's known more for being on the Stern Show than for being on the Tonight Show.
Steve mentioned the free week of Howard 100 and 101 that they have on XM next week starting on the 18th. Howard said he suggested that idea and they're doing it. Artie said he's going to have to stay sober for another week because of that. He was eating a fruit cup and pointed that out to Howard. Howard figured he was going to gag on some of that fruit.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said that he was at the game on Saturday and he was on the third base side when Gary threw that ball. Jon said he realized it was bad when he saw the umpire move.
Artie said that Jon must have known that Gary was going to screw that up and he blames him for what Gary did. He said he should have told Gary that he shouldn't throw. Jon said he saw what Gary does wrong and showed the guys. Jon had good form according to Artie and Howard.
Howard had the guys replay the video of Gary's throw because he hit the umpire. Howard said it looked like he got hit and it wasn't him trying to catch. Artie said the catcher looked really annoyed.
Artie said that Jon Hein has gotten really good at getting people to dig their own graves. He said he even had him sing ''Shooting Star'' with his own name in it so they have him singing about heroin addiction just in case he dies.
Jon ran through his Wrap Up Show subjects for today's show. After that Howard took a call from a guy who had a list of people who threw better pitches than Gary did. He had a bunch of women who had thrown the ball right to the catcher. Artie said it was all chicks and laughed his ass off each time the guy would give a name.
Howard asked if Gary is among the real worst throws of all time. He said he knows that Chris Rock's was bad but Gary's is the worst.
Howard said he got a note from someone saying that a 12 year old softball player threw out a better first pitch than Gary did. Artie and Gary went back and forth with a few jabs and Gary threatened to throw something at Artie. Artie told him to go ahead and do that because he'd end up hitting Fred.
Artie said that Gary can come in and throw something at him but he'll miss. Artie told Gary that he should have blown one of the guys on the team, that would have been less gay. Artie was throwing out jokes and laughing his ass off at Gary's screw up. He had Howard cracking up too. Howard said he thought Gary had turned off his radio and wasn't listening anymore.
Artie said that even if he had been on heroin he would have still made fun of Gary. Artie apologized to Gary but Gary said he knows he's not sorry and he loves goofing on him like that.
Artie said he thinks that the Kardshian girls threw the ball out at a game and threw it better than Gary did. He said they have to find that.
Robin said she heard that most of these things aren't on tape. Howard said Scott Ferrall wanted to defend Gary. Ferrall said that he has throw out some pitches in his career and it is the most unnerving thing. He said he has never been so nervous in his life when he's thrown out a pitch. Ferrall said that he has never been nervous doing anything as much as doing the pitch. He said his hand was soaking wet when he went out there. Ferrall said he threw strikes both times he threw the pitch but he was very nervous.
Scott said he's never been that nervous but he's also not as much of a pussy as Gary is. Howard thanked him for the call and gave him some plugs for his show that's on at 8pm on Howard 101. Jon got back to his Wrap Up Show rundown and went through a few more things.
Robin started her news off talking about Jerry Seinfeld going to the Mets game yesterday instead of on Saturday to see Gary throw. Howard said that pitch was really like an episode of Seinfeld. Artie said there may have been a time when Gary could throw like a man but it didn't happen on Saturday. Howard said that Gary is super pissed at Artie for making fun of him. Artie asked what he's supposed to do. Gary said that he is mad but he just has to let Artie do it. Gary said he thinks that Artie is taking a little too much joy out of this.
Artie said that he's making fun of Gary for something that he screwed up and Gary is making fun of him about his drug use. Howard said that comparing Artie almost being dead from drugs to screwing up a pitch. He said that's not right.
Artie said he's going to be on the Wrap Up Show today. Gary said this stuff is all over the place. He read through some of the emails he got and people were brutal with him on the whole thing.
Scott the Engineer came in and said it looks like the black could moved a little bit. Artie said the pitch was so bad he thought that Scott was actually there. Scott was going to go but he had some things he had to take care of.
Howard asked Artie if he would rather have never used heroin or being able to throw like Gary. Howard told him to choose. Artie said he would rather have struggled with heroin than being on tape throwing like that.
Artie said that if there is a heaven or hell, neither of which he believes there are, and he has to run into his father again, he can explain the heroin. He said he thinks his father wouldn't be able to live it down if he threw a pitch like that. Gary asked if he was supposed to respond to that. Howard said he was waiting for that.
Howard asked Scott if he would rather be bald or have a tape of him pitching like that. Scott said he'd rather be bald.
Gary said Good Day New York wanted him to come on and redeem himself on the show. Howard told him to do the show. Howard said he should go on The View. Artie said that he'd even go on and teach him how to throw. Artie said that Barbara Walters just called and said that Gary is a fag.
Howard said he can hear Scott Greenstein saying that Gary has to do the show to promote SIRIUS. Gary said he heard that they had a guy in a wheelchair throw the ball better when he rolled on the mound and threw the ball as he was rolling on his side.
Howard asked Artie if his father would rather be a quadriplegic or have a pitch like Gary's. Artie said he's sure his father would rather be a quadriplegic. He said his father could throw a pitch like a man.
Howard took a call from a guy who was giving them all of his information where he grew up and where he was living now. The guys goofed on him about that until the guy just said he saw the pitch on YouTube and thought it was great. The guy said that Gary really fucked up. Howard said Gary knows that already. Robin said he knew that as soon as it left his hand.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there are a ton of posts on YouTube about the video of him throwing and they're brutal. Howard said he warned Gary about the whole thing.
Robin read some news about Lance Armstrong and his new book and how he left Sheryl Crow because her biological clock was ticking and she wanted to have kids. They ended up back on Gary again even during that discussion. Howard said Gary is probably replaying that pitch over and over in his head. Gary said he's gone over it like 1000 times. Howard asked if he wants him to get Regis to coach him since he had thrown a decent pitch.
Howard said Howard TV had video of the midget throwing a pitch from the grass. That kid was a million times better according to Artie. Artie said he threw like a guy midget.
Gary told Howard he had a new song parody from Mike Morse. Howard played the song a short time later. Mike sang the song to the tune of a Billy Joel song. That made Artie laugh his ass off again.
Robin read some news about Michael Phelps and how he's not having any luck with his career after being so successful in the Olympics. Howard said that someone has to sit him down and tell him he could be making millions if he just had a squeaky clean image. Howard said he should just swim, swim, swim and then swim some more when he wants some pussy.
Robin read some of the story about this stripper that was talking about Phelps and how he had sex with her for 3 hours. She had some of the details of that.
Robin read a story about a book that's coming out about sex and how they found that men get erect when they see a threesome happening. She said they found the men get turned on when it's two men and a woman. Howard said that can't be true. Artie said he got jizz on his chest one time in a kind of threesome and even that was less gay than Gary's pitch. Artie said he'd rather get jizz on his face than pitch like that. Artie said the jokes are endless with that. He said he saw a guy there at the game and he heard that they had a Howard Stern Show regular throwing out the pitch. After the game he said he didn't know it was going to be Mark Harris. Artie said that he told the guy it was actually Gay Ramone.
Robin read some news about a Dupont heir who had given money to women who he met online. He found them online and the women would have kinky sex with him and try to extort money from them. It's all over the paper now. The cops are involved in it now.
Howard read an email from a fan who said it was an embarrassment that Gary did what he did on Saturday. The writer had seen it live and said it looked like a stroke patient who had never seen a baseball threw the pitch.
Artie said he was going to say something positive about that Mets pitch thing. He said the food was great at Citi Field.
Robin read a story about an orangutan who short circuited an electric fence and escaped. The thing wandered around and eventually went back to it's area. Artie added ''If they could only pitch...''
Robin read a story about a guy who had died of Swine Flu out in Washington state. Robin said it was the third death in the United States. Howard asked Artie if he would rather have Swine Flu or pitch like Gary. Artie said he would rather have Swine Flu.
Robin said people are still being advised to keep themselves safe from Swine Flu and had some audio of a guy talking about how parents can safeguard their kids from it.
Howard said Gary's kids were happy about the pitch because now they don't have to go to school for a week. Artie said they're renaming the field from Citi Field to Sissy Field. Gary said that was funny but Artie was being vicious earlier when he was making fun of him by saying his father would rather be a quadriplegic than see him pitch like that. Howard told Gary he was wrong about that and Artie was being honest when he was asked about that. Artie said that his father would rather be dead than have a daughter who threw like Gary threw.
Gary said that he had just turned down doing the Dan Patrick show. Artie said that he'll do the show. Howard asked Artie about his sister Stacy. He asked if he would rather have her marry OJ or marry a guy who threw a pitch like Gary. Artie said that OJ was a great player. He said it would be a black guy or a fag. Artie said that he will stick to the homosexual. He said that OJ killed someone and he wouldn't want to make his sister go through that. He changed his mind a few minutes later and said that he would rather have his sister marry OJ pre-murder.
Robin read a story that had some mention about a woman and Artie threw in another reference to Gary's awful pitch being like a woman.
Robin read about Donny and Marie having to cancel their show on Friday night after doctors had to rush in and treat Marie when she fell ill with Iodine poisoning. She had eaten some sushi that poisoned her. She had also eaten some stuff with peanuts and shrimp in them and she's highly allergic to them.
Robin read about Jay Leno going out and doing some shows for some fans. Artie said that Howard had just taken his phone out of his pocket, showed it to him and said ''Ha ha!'' Artie still doesn't have his phone, his mom and sister took all of his stuff away from him while he's on this rehab thing.
Robin said that Stuttering John has been out on the road performing with Kevin Eubanks and his crew at the Jay Leno thing. Robin said she's not sure what John's future is with the Leno show. Howard said he has an idea. He didn't say what that was.
Artie said he went to see Colin Quinn's show the other night and it's great. He said it's brilliantly written and so relevant for the time. Howard said he saw some of the jokes and it does look funny. Robin said he is a very funny man.
Robin read a story about the Miss USA pageant and how they're going to be making a decision on the woman who said that she was against gay marriage. They may take her Miss California title away from her.
Robin read some news about Oprah Winfrey having her stuff packed up out in California just in case her house had to be evacuated. Her house isn't in the evacuation area yet but she's prepared to move if the fires get to that area.
Robin read a story about a Ku Klux Klan rally that was going on over the weekend. She had a few various stories about gays in the military, Dick Cheney talking about the Obama Administration making the country less safe by changing their terrorist questioning tactics.
Robin also had some news about what the President of Pakistan is saying about Osama Bin Laden living in the country. The guy said they don't believe that is the case.
Robin had a story about car warranty companies that call people's cell phones and how they're trying to put a stop to them.
Robin read about Pope Benedict and how he's in Israel today. Robin said he was over there apologizing for something he said recently. She had some audio of that.
Robin read some news about NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfied being suspended after being busted for some drug test he failed.
Robin read about Reverend Run's son being arrested. She said this is what happens when you put your kids on TV like he did. Robin said Run's 19 year old son is in trouble for marijuana possession. She read the details about how he was caught in his car rolling a joint.
Robin read about this new movie Angels and Demons and had Ewan McGregor talking about working with Ron Howard. Howard only lasted a few seconds listening to that.
Robin read about Star Trek's opening weekend and how it made $72 million. Howard said he predicted 79 million so he wasn't too far off. Robin said they actually built up over the weekend and it will probably do very well next weekend as well. She had some audio of Leonard Nimoy talking about doing the movie and working with JJ Abrams.
Robin read about the new Terminator movie that's coming out soon. Howard said that movie looks like it's going to kill. He said he can't wait to see that one. Howard said there are a lot of great movies coming out this year. Robin had some audio of McG talking about working with Christian Bale on Terminator. Howard didn't make it through the whole clip.
Robin said that the movie ''Taken'' is out on DVD and Blu-Ray now. Robin also had some audio of Barbra Streissand's receptionist being arrested. She had Howard play some of Barbra's music and he made a vomiting sound when he heard it. Robin said that the receptionist was arrested on drug and weapons charges. She wrapped up her news and Howard quickly ended the show around 11:10am.
Artie said he's just following orders on the show and just doing what he's supposed to do there. He said that maybe at one point Gary threw like a dude but those days are over. He told Gary to let his kids do the athletic stuff from now on. He said Gary is close to 50 now and he just has to stop.
Artie asked Gary if he expected it to be as bad today as it was. Gary said he didn't. He said he knew he had thrown the horrendous pitch but figured it would just be the fans who knew about it. Now it's gotten blown so far out of proportion. He said that it didn't end up on ESPN over the weekend so he was okay with that. Gary said that one day he was just a guy at home and the next everything was coming down on him.
Gary said JD had 10 or 11 news reports about him. Artie said that shows how famous he is. Gary said it shows how famous Howard is. He also thinks that people like saying ''Baba Booey'' too.
Artie said that Gary was a likeable figure until he threw that pitch. Gary said he had people sending him nice emails right up until he threw that pitch.
Artie and Gary talked about the walk down to the field and how long that took. It was like 20 minutes walking down and then walking out to the field was another 20 minutes so Gary had all of that time to think about what he was going to do.
Gary said it was a long time from when he got there until he threw. He said there was no excuse for how he did it. Gary said Rusty Staub told him to walk up a few steps before throwing the ball. Gary said he was going to throw from the mound but he walked up to the grass. Gary said that the Mets took the field as he was about to throw and that was the big pressure.
Artie said that he had a conversation with Scott DePace about this and Scott was saying he wouldn't be nervous if that was him. Artie said that anyone would be nervous and DePace is full of shit. Gary said he was supposed to go out and take some practice throws out there and he never made it out there.
Artie brought up Sebastian Bach and what went on with him at the game that day. They spent a minute on that.
Jon asked Artie what he thought when Artie showed up at the game. Gary said he was surprised when he saw him there. He didn't expect him to show up.
Artie said that he's calling it Sissy Field now but on Saturday it was Pity field. Jon asked Gary about getting upset with Artie for some of the stuff that he was saying. Artie didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Gary said he and Howard talked about the pitch on the weekend so he knew that he was going to talk about his father calling him.
Jon asked Gary if this morning went like he expected it to. Gary said that's about how he expected it to go. Artie asked him how this ranks on a Sunday night where he knows that he's going to catch shit the Monday morning after something crazy. Gary said this has only happened twice. Once was with this pitch and once was when he was going to have to let Howard fart on his face.
Gary said this whole thing took something he really enjoyed and made it unenjoyable to him. He said that it just wasn't a cool thing.
Gary said Artie came into the room that day and handed his son Lucas his cigarettes. Gary said they teach the kids that cigarettes are just as bad as heroin these days. Artie said that Heroin is way better. He said you look cool smoking but not doing heroin.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary is a true Mets fan because he choked just like the Mets do. He said that he looked like he was doing the shot put. Gary said he was right about all of that.
Cyrus called in and asked if he would ever do that for the good of the show. Gary joked that they scripted this all out and it was all faked. Benjy said there are people out there who would believe that too. Artie said there are some people who think he's never done heroin on that SternFanNetwork thing.
Gary said that Will feels bad for him today but as soon as he gets his shit back together he's going to start jabbing him. He said that Will was very nice to him this morning and was only showing pity for him.
Doug Goodstein said that they didn't know what to say to Gary today because of how bad they felt for him. Gary said he didn't want to start any conversations because he didn't know what to say. Artie said it was almost like Gary had died. Artie said that something did die, it was Gary's masculinity.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary doesn't know shit about sports and it just proved that this weekend. Artie said ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... I agree.''
Gary said that there are some guys out there who are unathletic and are great at knowing the game. He said you don't have to be athletic to know the game.
Another caller said that this is so big that it overshadowed Artie being at a gay club. The guys didn't get the joke. He was also wondering how Jackie was going to react to this. Gary said Jackie was never really into sports so he doesn't think that it's going to be that big of a deal.
Another caller goofed on Gary about throwing another pitch a few years ago. Gary said that the stadium was only 1/3 fill and he didn't have a problem that time.
Another caller, who had something to do with the autism charity, said that he thinks that they put Gary under a lot of pressure to do this. Gary said the pressure was on him to pick one of his sons to do the pitch instead of him. He had to do it himself so he didn't have to pick.
Dan asked Gary if he practiced at all. Gary said he did do some practicing. Dan asked Gary if he would go in front of the mound or on the mound if he did it again. Gary said he would do it in front. Artie told him he would have been better off handing the ball to the catcher.
Jon asked Dan if this is the worst pitches he's seen. Dan said it's probably one of the 5 worst. Gary said that he would pick Chris Rock, the Mayor of Cincinnati, Ryan Seacrest and then his pitch as the worst. They also brought up Carl Lewis who threw a bad one.
Artie said he threw out a pitch at a Newark Bears game and that wasn't the same pressure that Gary had but he would love to do that at a Yankee game. He said he would be nervous as hell but he couldn't be much worse than Gary. Dan told Gary to try some performance enhancing drugs. He asked him if he would do it again. Gary said no. He said he might change his mind some day but not right now.
Dan said that Gary's sports credibility is shot with him. He said that Lisa G is more credible than Gary at this point.
Dan told Gary that he can't let Ralph goof on him the way he did today. Gary said there's nothing he can do about that. Dan said that things couldn't have gone any other way than they did.
Artie said that he would have called into his show but he has no phone. Dan said he knows that, he wanted him to come on and talk about some stuff with him and he wasn't able to get a hold of him.
Ralph called in and said that they have to factor in that Gary practiced while some of the other guys probably didn't. Gary had to ask Ralph to do something about his phone because it was popping and crackling. They had to go to break a short time later.
Doug asked Gary if he's depressed or bummed out. Gary said he's everything, bummed out, depressed and everything else.
Jon and Doug asked Gary about how his kids were with the whole thing. Gary said they were really nice about it. Gary said his son Jackson was fine with it and told him he didn't care. Gary said today is the day his son had to go back to school though so they might be made fun of for that. He feels bad about that.
The guy from the autism charity was back on the phone so he told Jon about how Gary saved their event that day. He said that Gary was really nice to everyone and he was doing more than they asked him to do. He said he was very nice about the whole thing and no one was even bringing up the pitch during the game.
Gary said the whole event went the way it was except for that pitch. He said that if he had hit the pitch then it would have been perfect. The caller, Rich, said the pitch really didn't matter to them. Gary said it mattered to him though. He wished Rich luck with the charity and let him go.
Another caller tried to joke about Gary taking a growth hormone but the joke was kind of lame. Another caller said that they could have had a chimp throw from a cage better than Gary did. That joke didn't go over very well either. Another guy was goofing on Gary and was kind of amusing them.
Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo came in and said that Gary was an embarrassment. He said he was getting calls asking him how he could do that. Chris asked Gary to say something. Gary said that they had been talking about this since 6am. He said he just fucked it up. Chris hadn't seen it so the guys tried to pull it up on YouTube for him to see. Chris told Gary that he had disgraced them all. He said he didn't need to see it to know that.
Chris watched the video and said ''Oh my god! Oh no!'' when he saw the pitch. He said it was pathetic. Chris said that the goofing should never end after he saw that pitch. Benjy said ''Hey, Lisa Lampanelli fell in love...'' as they were ending the show. Russo had no clue what he was talking about. Gary told Chris that Benjy is the king of non-sequiturs. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show off talking about Robin's weight loss. He said it looks like she's lost even more. He saw her skinny legs this morning walking in behind her. Howard asked what she's lost now. Robin said that she's embarrassed by how much she's lost. Howard said he'd be proud if he were her. He said she's going to say it if she goes on these interview shows she goes on.
Howard said Robin was on some show recently and they didn't get to listen to the stuff they were going to listen to. Artie said that he was talking to his shrink the other day and he told him that he had to reward himself with things so he was out driving around alone. He said he was listening back to the show yesterday and it said ''Mocking Gary's Horrible Pitch'' on the PDT the whole time.
Artie said at the top of the Empire State Building it was lavender and he thought that was for Gary's pitch. Gary said it was probably for Mother's day. Howard said that was over the weekend though.
Howard said Gary's pitch was all over the news and it's huge. Robin said it's the pitch that won't die. Howard had some clips from the news reports about Gary. He was going to get to Robin's interview first though.
Howard said Robin did this interview and she's like an expert. Robin said she got her interview over the plate. Howard played the clip of Charles Osgood introducing Robin in this interview she did. Howard said that guy has been in broadcasting forever and it might be time to get out. Howard said he's going to get out in a year and a half before that happens to him.
In the interview they talk about how bad Robin was feeling a couple of years ago and how she felt she was stuck with chronic illness and death. Howard said Robin has that down pretty good when she talks about it. She gets in that drama when she talks about that stuff. Robin goes on to talk about how she found her cure through detox and help from Dr. Roni. Howard said he didn't recognize Dr. Roni in the clip because she was so dolled up.
The reporter goes on to talk about what the diet consists of. Howard said you have to see what they're mixing up in the clip. Robin said it was just fruit and vegetables. They had interviews with Dr. Roni and she talks about how the detox diet works.
Howard said Robin was the star of Sunday Morning. He said that she sits there now many pounds lighter. Robin said her number is all over the place. She thinks that it's 75 pounds but some people think it's 90. Robin is sticking with 75. Howard said that's a lot of weight and she had to be eating a lot to be up there. Robin said she hasn't lost 90 but it's not that far off. Howard said she was probably a lot more fun when she was 75 pounds heavier.
Robin said she wanted to go out with people but she had to suffer through the restaurant visits. Howard asked if she gives out her weight now. Robin said she doesn't give it out. She's 5'6'' and she knows what she weighs. She wasn't going to give it out to Howard though. Howard asked her what she thinks it is. Robin said she knows what it is but she's not saying.
Howard asked Robin if she's near her goal weight. Robin said she's within 10 or so. She said she'll know when she gets there. Howard said that was Robin Ophelia Quivers talking about her diet.
Howard said he was thinking about the death of John Lennon and how he was killed at 40 years old. Howard said that's so young. Howard said he got a note from a guy who said that John Lennon wasn't all he makes him out to be. Howard said to him John Lennon was the most talented musician ever. Howard said he as a great song writer, a humanitarian and he spoke out about a lot of things. Howard said he changed the world in many ways.
Howard said he got some mail about the Megan Fox video he was talking about the other day and some people told him that he has to get his vision checked because of what he saw her carrying in the video. It wasn't a beer like he thought it was.
Howard read some feedback about Tom Bergeron and Norm MacDonald's interviews last week. The fans seemed to be happy with those interviews.
Artie said he called this chick and talked to her last night so he figured he'd jerk off after that. Artie said he needed to get to sleep so he was going to watch some porn. Howard told him to get some from the pile they have there.
Artie said his porn is on video cassette and it's in really bad shape. He said he didn't know what to jerk off to but he knew he needed something visual. He said he figured that a Miss Howard TV would be good. He went into his Howard TV On Demand and pulled up the Becky Wunder episode. He said she was standing at the mic and she had a nice ass and paused it when her ass came on.
Artie said he paused the thing and he let the remote fall to the floor. He said he had paused it on Robin accidentally. Artie said that he wondered if he was going to jerk off to Robin or Becky. Artie said that the remote had fallen just out of reach so he didn't want to get it.
Artie said Robin is very pretty but it would have been odd to jerk off to her. He said his whole point for ordering Howard TV was ruined now because the girl wasn't on the screen. He said he started to jerk off and kept opening his eyes seeing Robin and he was having trouble. He said he knows Robin too well and wasn't able to do it. He said he started to incorporate Robin into the sex and it was one of the most erotic things.
Artie said he had Becky and Robin kissing in this fantasy he was having. He said that Robin was very black and Becky was very white and they were both topless and then he came.
Howard asked Robin how she felt. Robin said she wasn't sure how to feel. She didn't think he was going to go there. Howard said in any other work environment Robin would be going to Human Resources.
Artie told Robin she should call Becky. Artie said he tried to watch the rest of the interview after that and he only lasted about 4 seconds. Artie said she started talking about her boyfriend and he turned it right off.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo showed up at the end of it. Howard said he was great on there. Howard said Chris hadn't even seen Gary's pitch yet so they showed it to him live on the air. Howard said Mad Dog said that it was the worst pitch ever once he did see it.
Artie said everyone was sending videos of opening day pitches yesterday. He said that Kim Kardashian was in high heels when she threw her pitch. Howard said she's a chick with a big fat ass and he knows that even black guys aren't digging that ass.
Howard said there's another video of this guy with a bone disorder who threw a pitch and he's smaller than Eric the Midget. Howard said the guy barely has a torso and Eric is more functional than this guy. Howard said that guy was able to throw the pitch and get it to the catcher. Howard said he's not sure what you'd look under for that pitch but it's inspirational to see.
Gary said there was a blind guy who pitched too. Howard said that guy got it right to the catcher. Howard said he wasn't kidding. The guy got it right to the catcher and he was fully blind. Howard said they talked to the guy ahead of time and he threw it right to the catcher from the mound.
Howard asked Gary if his day was awful yesterday. Gary said it got better when he walked out of there. Artie said his day got worse. Gary said that's all it was there yesterday. Once he left it only came up a couple of times. Artie said that there they're saying it to his face, outside they're saying it behind his back. Gary said he'd rather have it that way.
Howard said Tim Sabean was the one who wanted to throw Mad Dog on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Gary tried to keep that from happening but Tim did it anyway. Gary said he knew that Mad Dog was going to do what he did. It turns out Scott DePace was the one who went and got Mad Dog to go on the show. Gary said that Scott has never gotten them a guest for that show, ever, and he did that yesterday.
Howard played the audio of Mad Dog watching Gary's pitch on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He flipped out when he saw the pitch and told Gary it was pathetic. Mad Dog said that the goofing should never end based on that pathetic pitch.
Howard played some news reports about Gary's pitch. These were new reports that he didn't play yesterday. The reporters were brutal talking about the pitch. One female reporter said he should have thrown underhand.
Howard had another one where the reporter talked about the pitch and how it should have been thrown. He apparently didn't get the advice about where to aim. The reporter pointed out that Gary had practiced all week for that pitch.
Howard said he wants to talk to the sports psychologist who Gary talked to. He said he'd like to know what he said to him. Gary said he could get him on the phone. Howard said he has a few people calling in today to talk about it. They have Len Berman and a couple of other guys calling in. Gary said he might be able to get this other guy on too.
Howard asked Gary what the guy said to him. Gary came in and said that Lisa G asked him about it too. He said the sports guy asked him what his worst fear is. Gary told him that it was exactly what had happened. Gary said that his fear is that everyone is going to make fun of him too. The sports psychologist told him that he should put this fear at a 5 on a scale of 10 because it's not going to be the worst thing in the world if he screws it up. Gary said the guy told him to embrace that he's doing something great instead of what he might do wrong.
Howard said the guy should have sat Gary down and told him to get his shit together so he's not goofed on the rest of his life. Howard said the guy basically set him up for failure. Gary said he was surprisingly calm on Saturday morning until he hit the field.
A caller said that they took the videos off of YouTube yesterday. Major League Baseball managed to get them pulled according to Gary. Gary said that people will tell you to go watch that stuff over there and it's gone by the time he gets there. Howard said he's asked them to pull stuff down and they don't pull it from YouTube. Howard said they've told him that if he sends them a letter then they'll take it down but they have to have letters for each individual thing and there are millions.
Gary said that there might be one guy whose job is just to take that stuff off of there. Artie said that for him it might be good promotion according to his people.
Howard said that Gary's pitch is at MLB.com if it's not on YouTube. Gary said that you can watch any game there. Howard said that they're putting that clip up there to humiliate Gary.
Howard said he had a clip from SNY where they have a reporter mispronouncing Gary's name. She called him ''Bobby Ballooa'' instead of Baba Booey.
Gary said his wife thinks that this whole thing is stupid and she wonders when she's going to get her mother's day since this pitch screwed it up. Howard said the Howard TV guys are working on getting a first pitch thing together and they may all get involved in that.
Howard said that they'll get off of that subject for a little while. He said they'll get back to it later on when they have these other guys call in to comment on the pitch. Gary said he was asked if he got a bonus for screwing up that pitch to help the show out.
Artie said that he wasn't saying that Gary should be fucked in the ass. Gary said that he was. Artie said the guy is an uptight fuck and he should take the cock out of his ass. Artie said he has nothing against anyone, he's just trying to be funny there. He asked what he should have been calling Gary. Howard said that even he doesn't use the term ''homo'' or ''fag'' on the show anymore. He said he's evolved. Artie said he hasn't.
Gary said that Artie is acting like they just cut his heart out. Artie said the word is funny. Gary said the N-word is funny to some people too. Artie said that word is funny if you use it the right way.
Artie said that this guy who wrote in could be a child molester for all they know and they're taking his side. Howard said that's true but they don't know that. Artie said that everyone is trying to be so politically correct it's sickening.
Howard said that they'll get back to Gary's pitch later on. They played a song parody that Richard had created about the pitch as they were trying to get out of that conversation.
Gary said all he was going to say to Artie is that he's trying not to use that word anymore. Artie said that if he throws out a pitch like that then the word is going to fly out of his mouth.
Scott came in and said that he would take that back. He said that he wouldn't like to have a gay child but he's also not really for abortion so he wouldn't abort any kid.
Howard said that no one wants adversity for their kid and that's what they're talking about there. Howard said that he wouldn't consider abortion for anything other than a medical condition. Howard said that he would never abort for a kid who would turn out gay. Scott said he thinks he'd be the same.
Scott said that Artie wouldn't be for it either. Artie said that he would love a gay kid even more and tell the kid that he loves him even more. Scott didn't believe that. Artie swore that he would though.
Howard asked if he would have a kid with six toes and fingers aborted. Scott said he wouldn't. Artie asked Scott if he would abort his kid if he turned out black. Scott said he wouldn't.
Howard said there were more Scott clips from the Wrap Up Show. Howard played one where Scott talked about how unlikely he finds it that a golfer would be gay. Gary asked why there wouldn't be a gay golfer and Scott explained that it's a lot lower with that sport. Howard laughed when he heard that clip.
Howard said that was ridiculous. He asked why there are gay football players. Scott said that there are some sports that just don't have as many gay people in it. He said there are plenty of gay female golfers and there are gay golf players but not as many as they make it out to seem.
Howard said that Scott also talked about how Will would be his guy if he were gay. Scott said that he was told that he had a dream about raping Will one time but he didn't remember it. Will said that's what Scott told him one time.
Will came in so Howard asked Scott why Will was his favorite. Scott said that he's one of the most in shape guys there and he was thinking that's the type he would like if he were gay. Artie told Scott he's a fag and said that he's never thought about having sex with a guy.
Howard said Scott is weird for saying that because you just don't answer a question like that with an answer like Will. Howard asked Scott if he was almost raped as a child or something. Scott said there was a guy who worked as his coach and he was also a priest. He said that on the way home from a Phillies game the guy told him that he would never go to a game again. It turned out that he was molesting people but he never tried anything on him that he remembered. Scott apparently didn't put out but he didn't remember turning the guy down.
Gary said Scott has a theory on how he was a strong kid and he would have turned down stuff like that while other kids may not have.
Artie said it's actually because Scott is dumber than the other kids. He said that the priest might like interesting pillow talk and Scott couldn't give that to him. Howard let Scott go and Artie told him not to fuck Will on his way back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was the funniest shit he's heard in a long time. He thanked Howard for that and for the Gary stuff from yesterday.
Howard said Scott did make out with a Trannie one time. He said that he didn't actually make out but he did sit on the Trannie's lap. Artie said he loves that the priest for the Phillies was molesting boys.
Howard said this Miss California is now campaigning against gay marriage. He said that's absurd. He said she was on some religious show yesterday and she's talking about how Satan was against her on the Miss USA pageant.
Howard played the clip where she was talking about being tested by Satan that day and she had to show that she wasn't willing to compromise her beliefs to win that competition.
Howard said Artie was backing this guy in Hoboken and the guy is Indian. Some guy asked Gary what the fuck was up with Artie and ''the Arab'' that he's backing. Then the guy pointed out that Artie is backing a guy who is up against an Italian. Artie said that he was sitting in his apartment on heroin and his neighbor came to him asking him to endorse him so he did it. He said he just did it as a favor.
Artie said that he used to have his uncle Frank call him and tell him who to vote for and it was always these Italian guys. Artie said the guy would tell him that he was stupid if he asked for directions somewhere and then the guy wouldn't know where the place was and would tell him to just ask someone when he gets off at the exit. They spent a minute on that before going to break.
Howard said he had ''Love The One You're With'' and talked about how great it was as a demo but how it became even greater when they did it for the album. Howard played ''Love the One You're With'' next. It sounded a lot different than the album version but it was still a great song. Howard said they just don't make music like that anymore. He said he knows he sounds like an old fart saying that but that's what he believes.
Howard said he was playing some Neil Young for his 16 year old daughter and trying to turn her on to that. He said she liked it so much she went right online and downloaded some of his stuff. Howard said his kids are also into this revival of Hair that they're doing. Howard said one of his daughters was saying that the play is very relevant again based on what's going on in this world.
Howard said he loved the music from Hair. Robin said it was great. Howard said he remembers sitting third row center at a production of the play with his mom and dad. Howard said the whole cast came out nude and back then the women weren't shaving. Howard said he couldn't even enjoy it sitting there with his mother and father.
Howard said the same thing happened with Barbarella when his father took him to see that. Howard said the movie was all sexual and he wasn't able to enjoy it with his dad sitting there. Howard said they didn't even talk about the movie after it was over. He figured the guy would talk to him about something so sexual. He never had a real discussion with him about anything back then.
Howard said his father seems to think that he's impenetrable and he just doesn't talk about anything. Howard said he and his father just went home after seeing that movie.
Howard talked about his father taking him into work once in a while and how they'd listen to Bob Grant on the radio on the way in. Howard said his father would listen to Bob Grant but he wouldn't talk to him. Howard said his father would shush him if he tried to talk to him in the car.
Artie said his father used to look at other chicks when he'd be out with him and his father would tell him that it's okay to look.
Howard asked Lisa how her dating game went last night. Lisa said it went well and she was able to see the guys as they were playing the game. She said that it was the whole package that she went with.
Howard asked Lisa if she's excited about this. She said she guesses so. She went with the anchorman but said that she didn't want to say where he works. She said that she wasn't looking to marry him yet. It's only been a day. Howard said he hopes it works out for her.
Lisa said she was up until 10 last night. She said that was late for her. Lisa said they have to set a date for their first date and it might be this weekend or next weekend.
Lisa said she gave the guy her card with her email address and phone number on it. Artie said ''Oh, how romantic...'' He goofed on her for that but Lisa said that's what you do with a card when you work in a job where you have one. Artie told her to act like a chick and write it down or something.
Howard asked Lisa what she was wearing last night. She wasn't wearing heels so Howard went off on her about that. He said chicks like to wear heels. He said Beth wears 5 inch heels and it turns him on. Lisa said she'd like to be able to do that but she has flat feet.
Len said that he's never seen a first pitch where the ump almost gets killed. Len also said that Gary put both arms up and gave the thumbs up. Gary said he was doing that like ''Look at me, I'm the town fool.''
Len said that Bill Murray threw a ball up to the screen behind home plate one time but that was intentional. He said he saw another guy where a guy threw the ball at a mascot on the back of a flat bed truck. That guy did that intentionally.
Gary asked Len about Carl Lewis throwing a bad pitch. Len hadn't seen that. Howard told Len about some of the other pitches he's seen with the blind guy, the midget and women. He asked Len if Gary's is the worst. Len said he would put it in the top 10 of the worst ever. He said the fact that he almost killed the umpire would have to put it up in about sixth spot. Gary said he likes that he put him down there and not up top. He figured he'd be in the top 5.
Len said he wants to bring back ''Spanning the World'' and Gary's video would make it in there. Howard asked Len about not being with NBC anymore. Len said that things are changing on TV now and local news is much different. Howard said that's true but this is a sign of the times that NBC can't afford to keep Len Berman on sports.
Len told Howard that he started this web site, LenBermanSports.com, where he sends out a daily email. He's not sure if he can make money doing this but he's giving it a try. Howard let him go after that.
The guys spent a short time talking about Sebastian and playing some of the audio that Lisa got out on the field that day.
Artie said that Sebastian almost got killed by a speaker on stage one time and instead of freaking out he just turned to the crowd and yelled out ''Rock and roll!''
Lisa said that Gary is going to be walking in an AIDS walk on the 17th. Howard wondered how Gary is going to screw that up. Lisa also mentioned that they're going to have Howard 100 and 101 free on XM radio next week.
Howard said Sal and Richard had done another Tradio call. He said this station is a religious station and they have one of the Tradio shows running on there. Howard said Sal and Richard got a million fake names and items mentioned on the show. The hosts of the show are clueless and they read everything.
Howard played the clip and they had the theme song from the Andy of Mayberry show as their theme. Howard said if he heard that song playing and he was black, he'd run. He said the show used to be a wholesome show but there were never any black people in it.
Howard played the clip and the hosts of Tradio came on and mentioned some of the names that Sal and Richard had left for them. They had birthday wishes for Curly Pubes and Eaton Beaver. They also had some other goofy items that Sal and Richard had left messages for. They had some fudge packing items and things like that and the hosts had no clue what they were saying.
Howard asked Johnny about the pitch and if it's the worst that he's seen. Johnny said that he has seen so many bad ones that it wasn't the worst. Johnny said that it was bad but not the worst. He said it could have been worse.
Howard asked Johnny if he's been able to hold on to his money. Johnny said he has. Artie said he heard he buys a lot of weed but Johnny said that's not true.
Artie said he got some season tickets to the Yankees and it cost him between 100 and $200,000. Artie said that he should tell A-Rod to start doing steroids after October 1st. He also asked Johnny how much pussy he's getting now that he's single. Johnny wasn't able to answer. Johnny said he thinks that they'll be fine.
Artie asked Johnny if he hates it when A-Rod is banging white chicks. Howard asked Artie what the hell he was doing, he was trying to talk to the guy. Artie said he knows Johnny and he has a good sense of humor.
Howard asked Johnny if he was saying that Gary's pitch was in the top 5. Gary said that Howard was putting words in his mouth. Howard said Johnny doesn't care and he's not putting words in his mouth. Johnny said he wasn't putting words in his mouth.
Howard let Johnny go but as he was getting off the line Artie wished him luck with the Mariners next year. Johnny had said that he might be out of a job next year if they don't win the series this year.
Howard was going to talk to Stu but his phone cut off within about 30 seconds of getting him on the line. Gary told Howard he spoke to the guy one time for about 45 minutes. They talked about sports for a little while and then the guy got into a weird area with him and it was getting off of sports. He didn't want to get into his childhood and things.
Howard had Stu on the line again so he asked him if he had seen the pitch. Stu said he had seen it. Howard said it was a disaster and exactly what he didn't want. Stu said he could have done a visualization thing with Gary if he had more time with him.
Howard asked if he has a degree in psychology. He said that he does have a masters in counseling psychology. Howard asked why he didn't spend more time with Gary. He said he would have suggested an 8 week program if he had enough time before that. He said that he and Gary did have that one session and it may have helped a little bit but it doesn't happen that way.
Howard said if Gary had gone out and just practiced with someone who could teach him, he would have done better. Gary said that's not the way he throws usually. Gary said he was confused and threw the ball in a strange combo of what he was told to do out there.
Gary said he doesn't blame Stu at all for what happened. He said that he almost closed his eyes and threw the ball that day.
Howard asked Stu why he thinks that Gary screwed up. Stu said that's what he would have worked on to find out if they had been able to go on longer. He said if they had the full 8 weeks they could have worked on that stuff.
Artie asked if he thinks he could have turned Gary heterosexual in that 8 weeks. Stu said that the joke about him being Stu-Pid was done in about 8th grade with him. Artie said that Fred's speed with the joke earlier is what was so funny.
Howard wished Stu luck with his business. Stu asked if he could throw out his web site. Artie told him if he throws it out like Gary threw his pitch, it's going to end up on the Opie and Anthony show and no one will hear it. Stu said the site is WellPerformanceCoach.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there is no helping Gary in the way he pitches. He said it was the way he threw it that screwed it up. Howard said he's not sure how you make that mistake the way he did. He said that he could have just thrown the ball and looped it up there.
Howard said they have to call his father about this pitch. Howard said his father follows sports and he was disturbed by the pitch. He said he may not be available right now because they do their meditation at this time of morning.
Gary said he brought up the pitch with Chris Rock when he was there and he looked very pained when he did. He said he knows how he feels now.
Howard replayed the bit that the guys had put together where it sounds like some Spanish broadcasters are talking about the pitch. Howard said they still have Ron Darling calling in today about Gary's pitch. They had to go to break first though.
Howard came back and said that was the song (that he was playing for his daughter). Howard said they found a version of that song live and that's the one he was playing for his daughter the other day. Howard said he heard that David Crosby cried after they did it. Howard said Neil talks about it before doing the song. Fred found the one he was talking about and it was wroth playing. He let it play through after that.
Howard said he gave his daughter a history lesson with that song. He said that song was the greatest. Artie said it really was great.
Howard said that was the one he played for his daughter and gave her the history lesson with. Howard said the slicker version he heard was the one that made David Crosby cry. He heard they released it just days after they recorded it.
Howard said that the country was crazed back then when they wrote that song. Howard said Nixon eventually ended the war. He said that he wasn't the monster that history painted him to be. He said there are good and bad sides to every administration. Howard said he may have just needed a good sports psychologist.
Howard said he had Artie's ''Too Fat to Fish'' paperback. They spent a minute talking about the new chapter in the book and how he wrote it about why he missed the Bob Saget roast.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that his friend took the picture of the dead guy being held by the girl that ended up in the papers when the Kent State thing happened. He said that if that picture didn't happen then the song may not have ever been written.
Artie asked how that whole thing got out of hand and why people ended up getting killed. Howard said that they were having sit ins and stuff back then and it was almost like a hippies vs. jocks type of mentality and things started being thrown and the National Guard overreacted and they shot these protesters.
Vinnie said there wasn't even an investigation back then, they just moved on. Howard said the National Guard felt they were endangered and they did that in self defense. Vinnie said that wouldn't happen these days because people would go nuts if that happened.
Howard asked Vinnie if that guy made money from that picture. Vinnie said he doesn't think he did but he got a lot of notoriety for it. Howard said that sometimes you can make a living off of just one picture. Vinnie said he'll ask the guy if he did make money off of that but he's not sure.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Neil Young song that Howard played was from an album where Neil plays guitar and piano. He said it was from Massey Hall in Toronto (Live at Massey Hall 1971).
Howard said he won't be moving his parents into his house. He said that he would have to put them in a home if he did move them out of their house. Howard thought about it for a minute and said that if his father went before his mother then he might have to move his mom in with him.
Howard said his mother used to make really wacky comments about giving away all of her money to Transcendental Meditation if Ben died. Howard said he told her that she needs an income to live. Howard said she claims she doesn't need ''things'' but he just remodeled their house and she does need ''things.''
Howard said his dad can't even understand a menu anymore. Howard said he used to be a brilliant business guy and now he has to ask how he's supposed to order. Howard said he has to tell him that they order an appetizer and he'll just ask if they have halibut.
Howard went over to see his parent's house and his mother would yell for his father and ask him if he wanted coffee. He would yell back at her that he would have some and didn't get off his ass to get it himself. He said his mother still gets it for him.
Robin said she knew people like that who would never be apart. She said that the husband died first and the wife made out just fine after that. Robin said that she's seen people that age starting to date again. Howard said he could see his father dating again if his mother died.
The caller asked Howard to get rid of Eric the Midget because he's so sick of him. Howard said he disagrees with him on that but Eric hasn't called in for two days now.
Howard took a call from the Pink Cowboy who wanted to have a pitching contest against Gary. That discussion didn't last long before Howard hung up on the cowboy.
Howard asked Artie what he was eating after he sneezed on his pancakes. Artie said that he stopped ordering a bunch of stuff and he's been getting food from Energy Kitchen and it's really good. Howard said he's been getting stuff from them too. Howard said he's not sure if they're winning his heart or Pump is. He said he'll have to make a decision on that soon.
Howard said that P. Diddy was doing this video thing online where he compares the two chicken places. P. Diddy was saying that he had gained 10 pounds doing the comparisons. IN the clip Diddy is talking about how good the two chickens are and how the two compare. He said the mashed potatoes at KFC are better. The beans at Popeye's are better according to Diddy.
Howard said Diddy had a follow up to that and in that clip he said that Popeye's was trying to say his verdict by sending over more chicken. Diddy went to his door and picked up the chicken and said that it's going to be up to the people to choose which is better. Diddy said he appreciates them sending it over. The delivery guy said they don't usually deliver after 3 but since it was Diddy, they did it.
Artie said rappers have gotten a lot less edgy. They used to have wars and kill each other, now they're comparing chicken.
Howard took a call from a guy who was trying to tell them about the restaurants and how they don't like to move their cars when he delivers stuff to them. They didn't understand what he was saying so they had to try and figure it out. The caller ended up hanging up.
Gary said Mitch told him that he had to calm the fuck down when he first went in there. He said he did okay that one day and then he went back on a Friday and did some more. He said he was all over the place with his pitches again.
Howard said he thinks that Mitch failed in this. Mitch admitted he did. He wanted Gary to warm up out there but they wouldn't let him.
Howard said Adam Carolla was allowed to throw 3 pitches one time and he was a little wild but he was eventually able to get it. Gary said that Adam threw the pitch so far over the catcher's head that he wasn't even able to get it.
Howard asked Mitch what kind of credentials he has. He said he's business partners with Bobby Valentine. He said Gary may have needed Bobby to help him out. Mitch said he played college baseball for years so that's where his credentials are.
Gary said they have Greg Buttle, a Jets player, there and he was saying that he threw a pitch one time and threw it underhand because he had a bad shoulder. Gary said he got yelled at that day because of the underhand. Howard asked Gary if Greg had seen the pitch. Gary said he hadn't seen it yet. Gary didn't want to get him on and take time away from Ron Darling. Howard said he didn't see him on the line yet.
Howard said they have to get his father on the show to talk about the pitch. He said his father didn't understand that at all.
Gary brought up the Kent State thing again and talked about how the families tried to sue the National Guard but the case was dropped. The families sued the college instead and won but only got $600,000 for each family. The mother of the dead boy in the picture that they were talking about earlier ended up getting hate mail after that.
A caller told Howard that he had a suggestion for Howard about Artie. He said that he should throw him out of the studio whenever he hijacks an interview again. The caller called Artie ''Bluto'' when he called in. Howard didn't have time to go over that because his father was on the line.
Howard said Robin mentioned earlier that Ben had dropped a dollar for her to pick up one time just so he could see her bend over. Ben said he thinks that she's out of her mind. He said it was probably 50 cents and not a dollar.
Howard and Ben talked about the pitch and Ben asked if Gary had explained what happened. Howard said Gary claims that he was so nervous that he planned to pitch one way but changed it in the middle. Howard thinks that Gary just doesn't know how to throw. Howard let Ben go a short time later.
Artie said he's going to benefit from this because he owns GayPitches.com. He said he should be able to make some money off of that.
Howard played some audio of Jillian telling the girl that he had voted for her and she didn't have much of a reaction to that. Howard said the girl is only 16 so maybe she needs time to develop her personality.
Howard said they had taped him singing so they could send it to his uncle. He said he thought the whole thing was stupid because he learned to read Hebrew letters and understand just the songs but he doesn't know the language. Howard said it will never come in handy for him, ever. He said it was a waste of time and he has no reason to know it. He said that it was basically doing it like a show pony. He said he would have rather have learned guitar than learning this meaningless stuff.
Howard said he would have rather have played a song for the crowd than singing these songs. He said he doesn't know the language, he just knows the songs. Howard said he knows how to read some of this stuff but he has no idea what it really means.
Howard said to make it worse he had these two old grandfathers who would want him to perform the song perfectly. Howard said his mom wanted him to record this for his grandfather down in Florida so he could hear it. Howard said he sounds like a girl singing these songs.
Howard said he wouldn't make his own kids go through that nonsense. He said there are people who would be against him for that but he didn't feel he needed to put them through that. Howard said he felt so feminine singing that stuff and he had a girlfriend back then. Howard said she's a 55 year old woman now but she was so good looking back then.
Howard said he was 13 and known as ''Shades of Blue'' back then. He said he had the best looking girlfriend in summer camp at the time. Howard said when he had to sing this song his penis started to crawl back inside of him.
Howard said this tape goes on for hours and hours. Artie thought he sounded good in it. Howard said he sounds like a girl.
Howard said his one grandfather did show up for the performance. Howard said the guy couldn't speak a word of English after being in the country for 30 years and he was judging him on how he sings.
Howard had David Haight's father on the phone to talk about this singing stuff. The guy, Steve, said that they link to tradition by singing these songs. Howard said that it's not even that because you don't learn the language. You just learn the songs. Howard said that this actually turned him off to religion. He said he became hostile toward it.
Howard also talked about the bris that the Jews put babies through. Howard said that the babies do feel the pain from that and it's ridiculous saying that they don't.
Howard said the last half of the song that he's singing he just faked it. Howard said he just made up words and that's on the tape. Howard said it's the same tune the whole time. Howard said the poor people at the event had to sit through that nonsense.
Howard said he has seen kids who can't carry a tune and one kid sang like an ox. Howard said it's disgusting to make a kid do that. He said it's just dumb.
Howard said JD did do his speech and he didn't screw it up. He actually did a very short one and it was very simple and very well done so there wasn't much to ridicule. Howard said he had to play it though.
JD said he kept it short because his dad can get emotional so he didn't want to see that. JD said he might have gotten emotional if he had gone on longer. Howard said he can't imagine a speech where he would get his father emotional.
Howard played the audio of JD's speech. In the clip JD says it's going to be short. People were goofing on him already. JD congratulated his dad and his new wife Robin. JD said his aunt told him that this is the happiest he's ever been so he hopes it continues forever. JD didn't say much more than that. He just asked who was up next.
Howard asked JD how the wedding was. JD said everyone was nice. Howard asked if he started calling her mom yet. JD said he hasn't. Howard asked if her breasts were big. JD said ''I don't know... they're whatever...''
Howard asked JD how many times this woman has been married. JD said her son gave a toast and they're apparently worried about his dad. JD said that guy is married to some hot chick too.
Howard said he could pretty much do the speech by memory. He went into his JD voice and did the whole speech and it wasn't too far off of what it actually was.
JD said he met some of his new siblings. He said he has four. JD said there's Brittany, Stephanie, Brad and Steve. Howard said the speech was kind of lame. He asked if he got it off the internet. JD said he did it off the top of his head. Artie asked if he got it off of ShitSpeeches.com. JD laughed and said he just did it on his own.
Artie asked JD if he was the only one there without a date. JD said that his brother didn't have one either. Howard asked JD if he's going to friend his new siblings on Facebook. JD said he hasn't yet.
Howard said JD's speech wasn't all that bad but it wasn't personal either. Howard did the speech again and shortened it even more.
JD said his father was crying during the ceremony. He said he's a very emotional guy. Howard asked if he's overly emotional. JD said he wasn't sure about overly but he is pretty emotional.
JD was trying to explain about the history between his father and this woman and he just cut himself off and said ''I don't know...''
Howard and Fred did their JD impressions and goofed on him about the way he was trying to tell that story. Howard stayed in his JD voice and goofed on him for a few minutes. Fred was also doing the voice and goofing on his toast.
Robin asked if there was a rehearsal dinner. JD said there wasn't but there was a rehearsal. Howard played the tape of JD making his speech again so he could get it down and do the impression. Howard told JD he didn't have to say it was going to be a short speech, he could have just made it short.
Howard got back to the clip and played through it. Howard and Fred goofed on JD a little more after playing it. Howard asked JD if he wished he had done something more personal. JD said he was happy with it. Howard said that was another touchdown by JD.
Howard said maybe he could have written something out and rehearsed it. JD said he was fine with it. Howard asked what his best moment was with his father. JD said he didn't know. He said it might be going to the Hall of Fame with his father. He said they went to the Rock and Roll hall of fame and the Baseball hall of fame. JD also went to Scores with him one time but JD thought that was creepy.
Howard asked what the most memorable moment is. JD wasn't able to come up with just one. He said the hall of fame things were cool though. Howard was trying to find more for the speech but then realized that it was probably best he kept it short the way he did.
Howard asked JD why he didn't talk about the time his father got them to put his name up on the big jumbotron screen at a ball game. JD said that was embarrassing. Howard said he could have mentioned that in his speech. JD said he didn't want to get emotional at the wedding because he was being taped.
Howard said JD could have once been the highlight at the wedding and he didn't take a chance. He took the easy way out. Howard asked JD if he was okay with it. JD said he was fine with it. He said he got his thoughts out and didn't think that everyone else there needed to hear about him if they have their own thoughts on the guy.
JD said he's not good at expressing himself emotionally. Howard said he should have talked about being abandoned by his mother. JD said he wasn't abandoned and told Howard to shut up about that.
Bob said that some of the students had gas masks on and they were using lacrosse sticks to throw tear gas canisters back at the National Guard. He said he just wanted to give Howard some of that history. Howard said he didn't know all of that stuff.
Bob also said that the girl in the picture they were talking about earlier was a girl who wasn't a student. He said she was on her way across the country and just happened to have stayed there that night with a friend.
Bob said that the guy who was shot in that picture was shot through the mouth. He said the other student was an athlete who was just walking through the campus at the time. Robin said there were no warning shots or anything either. The National Guard ended up panicking and that's what happened that day.
Howard talked to Bob a little more about what went on back then and how tough it was for him. Fred, as JD, asked him if it made him emotional. Howard thanked Bob for the call and Bob said he's been a fan for a long time now. He said it was a pleasure talking to him. They talked a little more about that and then went to break. \
Howard came back and wondered why Robin was rockin' out. He thought her top was going to come off and almost threw a dollar on the floor for her to pick up. Robin was rockin' out to Beck apparently. That led to Robin talking about the time Howard's father threw the dollar down for her. She said he does seem to be a fun guy.
Artie said he once spent the day with Ben Stern at the horse track. He said he and KC had gone there and saw Ben there. Artie said his horse took off and got the lead right away and he was cheering it on. Ben turned to him and told him ''Long race...'' and the horse ended up losing and may still be running.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric facing eviction this Friday. Eric has to be out or he's out. He owes $7,000 and he might get evicted on Friday if he doesn't come up with it. Artie said there's no way he's doing a benefit show for Eric.
Steve said that they have more on Captain Janks problems in court. Artie said he thinks that he's going to be doing a benefit on May 29th for Janks. He'll have the full plug for that soon. He said that might get Janks out of jail. Robin didn't think so but Artie seemed to think he did.
Steve said that Howard predicted $79 million for Star Trek and after they adjusted the numbers, he was right. That's what the movie made last weekend. JJ Abrams said he would felate Howard if it did make that much so JJ owes that to him now. Howard said he can't wait for that.
Artie said that if JJ doesn't blow him then there's no way he's sitting on the Sybian if Springsteen does American Idol.
Howard said he'd like to know the secret ending for Lost. That led to Artie asking if he should buy the DVDs. He said Howard got him into that ''In Treatment'' show and it's great. Howard said that Lost would drive Artie nuts so he should probably avoid it.
Steve said that a horse by the name of Baby Gorilla won a race recently. The guy who started the SaveBabyGorilla.com web site got a case of Lyme disease and he's out of work and doesn't have health insurance right now. Howard said that lyme's disease is horrible.
Steve also got in a plug for the free Howard 100 and 101 on XM radio next week. He said that the total number of listeners could jump as high as 35 million if everyone tuned in. Steve also mentioned that they have Jackie's Joke Hunt and Riley Martin's shows on at 7 and Midnight tonight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned some of the calls they had today about Gary's pitch so Howard mentioned that Ron Darling was supposed to call in but he never did. Howard said they have the Howard TV thing coming up with Gary's pitch and you hear Ron Darling and another guy commenting on Gary's pitch behind the scenes. Ron Darling says ''Oh Jesus Christ... He just hit the umpire!'' Howard said that was real tape from behind the scenes and they thought he may have done it on purpose.
Jon ran down the rest of his list and mentioned the JJ Abrams thing again. Howard said they may not know this but he went out and bought 4 million dollars worth of tickets this weekend just to make sure he got that blow job from JJ.
Robin said that Playboy may pull themselves out of circulation to revamp their magazine. The magazine is 56 years old and they lost 600,000 readers in the past 13 years. Howard said they have to kill the internet to get those people back. That's what killed them. Robin said they're going to be cutting back on circulation this summer. Howard said that doesn't sound good to him.
Robin read about Jay Leno's last week of the Tonight Show. Artie said it would be great if Howard Stern and David Letterman were on that show. Robin said it's actually Mel Gibson and Lyle Lovett. Howard said that interview with Mel is going to suck and won't be anything even though Mel's life is in turmoil.
Howard said he would have booked a show where the final week is the greatest week in Tonight Show history. He said Jay should do a real interview with Mel instead of doing the lame interviews.
Robin read about some of the other guests Leno is going to have on that final week. The guests were a little weak in the middle of the week. The final show guests haven't been announced yet.
Robin read about Farrah Fawcett doing a documentary about her cancer. Howard said he finds that very depressing that she's battling anal cancer. Howard said that's horrible. They spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Robin read a story about some women who were switched at birth back in 1953. Robin said they found out last summer when a woman who knew both of the women's mothers that they had been switched. She knew this information since then. Both women declined the DNA testing to find out if it was true. They're just moving forward.
Robin read a story about Shirley Jones possibly posing nude for Playboy. Fred played a clip of Benjy screaming and freaking out after Robin read that. Robin said that Shirley's husband Marty Ingles is the one behind the whole thing. Shirley is 75 years old. Howard said he heard she doesn't look a day over 63.
Robin read a story about a guy who accidentally killed his wife with a chain saw. They were trying to cut up a tree when he hit her in the throat with the chain saw. Artie said he hates people who say a paper cut is the worst kind of cut.
Robin read a story about Nadya Suleman, the Octomom, having surgery this week. She was going to be having some fibroids removed from her uterus. She had initially said she was having half of her uterus removed. Howard said they'll probably find 4 more kids in there.
Robin read about the Hubble telescope improvement that's being done this week. Some astronauts are up there doing the repair. They have to work on it out in an area where they have so much space junk that they could damage the shuttle so they have one standing by for a rescue mission.
Howard said he'd like them to just aim that telescope at Megan Fox's house so they can peek in there. He said that would be better than looking into space.
Howard said he got a copy of the movie that Tim Allen was in called ''Galaxy Quest.'' It's an updated version and he can't wait to sit down and watch that again.
Robin read that Victoria Gotti is behind in her mortgage payments. She's behind by 2 years and $650,000. She blames the mess on her husband. Howard asked Robin what else was in the news. He didn't want to spend time on anything Mafia related.
Robin read a story about a bill that may pass for gay marriage in New York. Howard mentioned that Chuck Zito was there yesterday when Dennis Rodman was there and he looked great in his suit. Howard said he told Chuck that he looked good and that's how he should dress.
Robin had a story about a guy who was arrested and sent back to Germany to face charges for being a Nazi in World War II. The guy claims that he isn't who they think he is and he wasn't a guard in the camps back then.
Robin read that Yusef Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, is coming back to the United States to perform. Howard said the guy has poor timing because no one gives a shit about his music now. Howard said he might go see him but he's not sure what his politics are all about so he's not sure.
Robin said there are some air lines working on offering internet. That led to Howard talking about how Gary is checking out this new thing where you get a disc that you carry with you and wherever you go you have Wi-Fi. Howard said if you're in a car you can have your laptop you get Wi-Fi. Robin asked how that works. Howard said you have to have the disc within 20 feet of you. Gary said it's called Mi-Fi and it's some kind of cloud of Wi-Fi. Gary said that the password is on the bottom of the disk and you can share it with people because you have to be within 20 feet of it to get on it. Robin said that sounds interesting to her and she may have to check that out.
Artie said he has Wi-Fi but he has no idea how to get on it. Artie said he did go to HowardStern.com yesterday.
Robin read a story about a John Lennon exhibit that's opening in the city. Artie said he's actually going to that thing. He said the whole thing to stay off of heroin is to keep busy so he's doing all of this stuff. Robin said that Yoko put this whole thing together.
Howard said Yoko makes it seem that it's all about her but it was John who was the creative one. Yoko thinks that she was an artist and came up with these creative ideas. Robin said that it was a stoke of genius for her to marry John. Howard said he doesn't hate Yoko but he hates when she does some stuff. Howard said Yoko had some cool ideas but she wasn't that creative. Howard said John was the best.
Robin mentioned that Ron Howard has a movie coming out this week. Howard said Ron will be coming in to promote the movie tomorrow. Robin said the movie is ''Angels and Demons'' and had some audio of Ron talking about the writer of the book the movie was based on.
Robin read about the Star Trek movie making $79 million last weekend. Howard said that he was pretty good predicting that number. Robin had some audio of Leonard Nimoy talking about the movie. Howard was still talking about JJ having to blow him since he said he would if they made that much this weekend. Howard said he will jerk off first so JJ only has a small load to deal with. Robin had some audio of Leonard Nimoy talking about the TV show Fringe as well.
Robin had some audio of Paula Abdul talking about American Idol and the final 3 that will be on tonight. Howard said Paula has a horrible song out and she was on Idol lip syncing it. He said she's a judge on a show about singing and she didn't even sing live.
Howard played some of the audio of Paula Abdul's performance and said it had no feeling and it wasn't catchy at all. Artie said it was catchy like the swine flu. Howard said they would give that a negative review on that show if she performed it for the judges.
Robin said that Joan Rivers is going to be hosting a new show called ''How'd You Get So Rich.'' That show will be on this summer on TV Land. Robin said one of the guests is a guy who made a 5 chamber bubble wand. He's worth $50 million. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon ran down the list of subjects they had for the show today and moved on to talk to JD since they had limited time with him. JD said he had to go home and go to sleep. JD said he had been there a long time already.
Gary said JD's personality was missing in that speech he made at the wedding. Gary said he thought it was a little impersonal. JD said he thought it was from the heart and personal.
JD said he was on his way to the airport and got calls from Tim Sabean and Jim McClure asking him to tape the speech. He said he got to the airport and he knew that they wanted him to tape the toast. Gary said he saw that Howard was asking for him to record it so that's probably why Tim and Jim went after him.
JD said they wanted to air something out to him so he could record it. Gary asked him what they were going to air out to him. JD said it was a recorder. He just went to Best Buy and bought one himself instead.
The guys asked if JD would have done a different speech if he wasn't being recorded. JD said he doesn't show emotion that much because he doesn't like doing that.
Jason said that JD's brother didn't get up and say anything. He wondered why that was. JD said only one of Robin's son's gave a speech. There were actually 4 groomsmen up there but JD thought they were all Best Men. Gary said there's usually just one.
JD said he and his brother and dad all got together with the pastor on stage. They all came down to the bridal party when they came in and Robin was led in by her two sons. JD was having a tough time getting the story out and just trailed off as he told that story.
Gary said he still can't figure out who the best man was at the wedding. JD said it was him and his brother, he guesses. Gary asked if there was a ring involved. JD said he was the one holding the ring. Gary said he was probably the best man then. JD said he was closest to his dad so that's why he held it. Gary said that's where the Best Man stands.
Gary said he doesn't think that JD gets what a Best Man does. Jason told JD what usually happens at a wedding but JD said things went differently. He said that they were best men and also ushers.
Jason asked JD why he was the best man and his brother didn't get to do anything. JD said his brother didn't want to do anything. JD said he had to say something because he was a best man so he had to get up.
Jon said that JD may have held back and didn't express himself because he was holding that recorder. JD said of course. He said his speech could have been different but he really won't know.
Jason asked if there was a bachelor party. JD said there wasn't and they just went out to celebrate his grandmother's 80th birthday.
Jon had Teddy play some of Howard and Fred goofing on JD. After the clip Jon said that JD was getting angry there. JD said he doesn't like being yelled at like Artie was doing. He had to defend himself.
Jon took some calls and one guy was saying that JD sounds like Butt-Head. He did an impression of JD as Butt-Head that had Jason laughing. JD didn't seem to think it was that funny.
Jason asked JD if he regrets doing what he did at the wedding and not saying more than he did. JD said he doesn't regret it. He said he may have gotten more emotional if he had said more but he didn't want that on tape.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that it's gay for any guy to cry at a wedding and asked if any of them have. Gary said he knows that Adam Carolla cried at his own wedding and he's a ''guy's guy.'' Gary asked if that's wrong. The caller said he doesn't get what the point of crying is. He said there's no reason to cry over something like that.
Jason said he teared up when he and his wife walked out of the ceremony. He said he got really emotional at once and he teared up. He said he got emotional because his wife was right there. Jon thought Jason sounded surprised by that. Jason said he was kind of surprised and it all hit him at once.
Benjy said he's seen guys cry at weddings and it does make them seem a little effeminate. He said you wonder if they're crying because they're thinking they made a mistake.
Gary said at his wedding he heard a man sobbing and it turned out to be Richard Simmons. He said it was so great when he turned to see Richard crying there like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he ever thought of saying that the pitch he threw had slipped out of his hand or something. Gary said he had to tell the truth because no one would buy it if he said it slipped. Jason said it would have been worse if he had tried to lie about it.
Scott asked Jason who he finds attractive. Jason said he didn't have an answer for him that quickly like Scott would.
Gary and Jason pointed out that Scott has done some gay stuff like having a Trannie dancing around on his lap. Scott said he didn't have one dancing on him. They also pointed out the gay messages he left for Doug Goodstein about 13 years back. Scott said he's very secure in his sexuality and has a couple of kids of his own, and Jason doesn't.
Scott said he's not doing anything wrong and only identifying a stereotype when he talks about how there aren't many gay guys on the golf course. Jon said that just because someone is gay doesn't mean they're going to be flamboyantly gay and flaunt that on the golf course. Scott said he knows that. He said he was just saying that the odds of a gay man playing golf are lower than a straight man playing. Scott said it was a ridiculous conversation they were having.
Jon asked Gary if Scott's description of Will threw him off. Gary said that it was kind of odd. He said it's strange when you have an answer for something like that when the question comes out of the blue. Scott said he's not gay and that's just what came to him when he was asked about it.
Jason said that maybe in 50 years they'll ask Gary to come back and throw another pitch when they tear down that stadium. Gary said maybe they would do that.
Jon asked Gary if things were better for him today. Gary said they were but there still was some stuff that he had to put up with like the Johnny Damon call and things like that.
Jason said they got a note from Howard yesterday asking them to get more people on the show to comment on the pitch. That's what led to them getting Johnny Damon and Len Berman on the show.
Gary also talked about the catcher who had to try and catch his pitch. He said he didn't feel that the guy wanted to be there. Gary said he didn't even flinch when he threw that ball way over to the right.
Jason asked if Gary would rather have that happen with Jackie there or Artie. Gary said Jackie wouldn't have been as brutal with him. He would have joked about it but it wouldn't be that bad because Jackie isn't a sports guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who thanked Gary for bringing so much joy to the Stern World. He said he'd like to know if Artie enjoyed that more than his heroin. Gary said he's not sure about that since he's not there to answer that.
The caller that goofs on the Mets all the time, Danny, called in and said that he hadn't called in yesterday because he felt so bad for Gary. Danny said Gary would have looked like a hero if he had just let his kid throw the ball instead. Gary said they talked him out of doing that. Danny said even he didn't want Gary to fail that bad. Danny goofed on the Mets as he does all the time before he got off the phone.
Jon said even Howard was giving Gary throwing advice. Gary said people think he can't throw but he really can. He said Benjy told him to just go to a high school and throw some pitches and put the video up on his web site for people to see. Gary said people wouldn't see it though because only 10 people would go on his web site to watch.
Another caller said that Gary shouldn't take any crap from someone like Johnny Damon. That led to Jon playing some of Johnny's call to the show today.
Jon asked Gary how he felt about Len Berman's comments. Gary said he and Len get along great and they see each other around. He said that Len didn't say anything that was off base. He wasn't upset about any of that. Jason said that Ben Stern's line about it not even being a pitch was his favorite line of the day.
Jon asked about the sports psychologist and how he thought that went. Gary said he felt more relaxed the day after that call and he thinks that it did help at that time. Jon said he did think that Gary was better that day after talking to the guy.
Another caller asked about Artie's comments about Gary and why he thinks he has any sports knowledge. Gary said Artie may not have that kind of knowledge he used to and he still thinks that he knows a lot. Jon said that Artie does drop a lot of names in the show and he usually drops in those names from the 70s-80s era.
The caller said that the worst part of the whole thing is that Gary's pitch was in front of his kids. The caller said he hasn't looked like a fag in front of his kids but Gary did. He said he must be worried about his kids thinking he can't throw. Gary said he and Jackson were throwing a lot and he knows what he was going through. He said Jackson was very cool about the whole thing.
Doug Goodstein called in and asked Gary if he would go back to Citi Field and what he thinks would happen if he did go back. Gary said he'd have to work it out again and he's not sure he could go through it again. The caller just wanted to know if he could go back and handle watching a game. Gary said he was fine that day. Doug said that maybe the fans would goof on him if he did go back. Gary said he's not sure that would happen. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Lisa G is all excited about this date she got on the Lisa Lampanelli show last night. Gary said he doesn't think she's all into it and Lisa handing the guy her card isn't very romantic. Gary said it would be more interesting if she wrote it down on a piece of paper.
Benjy said that when you like a girl, anything from her is hot. He said the guy is going after her at this point. Gary said handing over a business card isn't all that cool. He said it's almost like she's putting up a wall.
Jim McClure said Lisa G has a card for SIRIUS and one for herself and she may have given him the Lisa G card and not the SIRIUS card.
Gary said Lisa said that the guy didn't know what the difference was between a Menorah and a Mezuzza and thought that was funny. Gary said half the audience probably had no idea what she was talking about and she found it funny.
Gary said that a woman who doesn't own high heels doesn't want to get laid. He said the high heels make women feel sexy and Lisa doesn't have high heels. Jon said maybe she doesn't feel sexy in them. Benjy said she doesn't need high heels. He said she already has the ass and chest that jut out so she doesn't need them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD was a disgrace. He said he wasn't even born in the United States and he can speak better than him. The caller also goofed on Gary about his pitch a little bit. The guy wished him luck the next time. Gary said there won't be another pitch. He's not sure he could do that again.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about Artie talking about jerking off to Robin. Gary said that was funny. Gary said Jackie used to think that he and Robin had something going on but he thinks that it was all in Jackie's mind. Gary said Jackie had a sex dream about her and Robin used to giggle but he thinks she was just embarrassed.
Ralph called in and asked if it matters if Gary was a leftie like Artie said. Gary said it was an insult for Artie to say that to him. Ralph didn't get that.
Ralph said he thinks that Lisa not owning high heels is bizarre. He said she's sort of a hot chick and high heels are hot. He said she'd have to go out of her way not to have the heels. Ralph said the heels would put her at a nice height. Jon said maybe she's not looking to meet that someone special. Ralph said she tries to look hot and sexy so why not put on a pair of heels? Ralph said it's a no brainer.
Jon asked what the odds of the date happening are. Gary said it'll happen but she might not be taking it that seriously. Benjy asked when they're going to be banned from discussing it.
Ralph said he's hung out with Lisa and she's fun but he doesn't get the high heels thing. Benjy said he thought she was willing to try it but her body may not look that much better if she did. Ralph didn't get what Benjy was talking about. He said that any chick in heels can look hot and they don't make you look worse.
Jon and Gary asked Ralph if he would go on a romantic date with Lisa G. Ralph said he's not looking to date Lisa G. He's just looking to take a stripper in heels home from a bar.
Gary asked Ralph if he goes out on dates. Ralph said it doesn't happen often. Jon thanked Ralph for the phone connection today. Ralph said he didn't do anything and thinks that it's on their end.
Benjy said he's glad he did the whole thing. He asked Jon if he would go back in time and change it. Jon said he would if he could. He said he wished he had that time back. Benjy said he's glad he did it and wouldn't change it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves Gary and he uses Baba Booey as a name for his niece. He went on to say that Gary takes so much crap and he has to go out and pitch another ball to get over it and show he can do it right. Gary said he's not sure the Mets would want him to do that again. Gary said he can't go to another park and do it so he'd have to do it in the same scenario. Jon agreed with him on that.
Gary said if he did it again and bounced it in front of the catcher, what would it get him. Jon said it would be another couple of being goofed on. Gary said he thinks it could be worse if he did that.
Benjy asked if there has been a show where Baba Booey hasn't been mentioned. Gary wasn't sure about that. Benjy asked if this ever won't come up on the show some day. Gary said they will forget about it because there is no name for it. Gary said it needs an explanation and that's not going to be as well known as Baba Booey.
Jon took one more call and the guy told Gary that it was still kind of a special day for him and his kids even if he did screw up that pitch. Gary said it may take some time for him to realize that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about Ron Howard stopping by today. Howard said he's coming in to promote a new movie. He and Robin spent a short time talking about Ron's career and how he became a film director after acting for so many years.
Howard said things could have gone horribly wrong for Ron and he could have ended up like Leif Garrett. Artie said it is pretty unique that he went out and had such a great career after he was ''Opie.'' Howard said he could have ended up like The Beaver.
Howard played the Jimmy Kimmel show clip where Jimmy played the pitch on his show. Jimmy said Gary reminded him of ''a young Fernando Val...erie Bertinelli.'' Jimmy also joked that they're looking for someone to raise his two sons.
Howard said Gary is becoming a household name from this. Gary said some people think it's great that he's getting all of this press.
Howard said he's glad that he never went out and sold stuff to his audience. He said he's reading about Yankee stadium and they're selling off memorabilia. They're selling dirt from the old stadium for $80. Howard said he knows it's a business and all and they have to make money but it's a little much. Howard said there's a point where you just don't do that. Howard said that it's dirt, for 80 dollars. Howard said it's obnoxious.
Artie said he wants to buy his 4 seats that he had for 10 years. He said they're charging $1,500 for each seat. They want 50 grand for a piece of the fassod.
Howard said a spoon full of dirt is $50. He read an article about that and they gave prices for the sod on the field, the dirt and all of that stuff.
Howard said he could come on and sell toenail clippings and stuff and people might buy it but he would never do that. Howard said that maybe they should just give stuff like that away. Gary asked if they could have sold the old studio pieces before they left. Howard said they could but that would come off poorly if they had.
Howard asked about Gary's seats from the old Mets stadium. Gary said he paid like $860 for the seats he has. They spent a minute talking about that.
Artie said that if Howard had to pay some bills and feed his kids, would he sell stuff from the show. Howard said he'd find another way to make money. He'd go back to washing dishes if he had to.
Gary said this Yankee thing comes across really poorly because they're charging so much for seats at the new stadium and now they want this money for the old stadium stuff.
Howard asked Gary if he's taking a lot of crap for his pitch. Gary said it's not that bad. Then he thought about it for a minute and said it is pretty bad. Howard said Gary threw the first pitch about 5 years ago at Shea Stadium and he didn't have a problem. Howard said he asked Gary about why it worked. Gary said it was more of a surprise last time and he had less time to think about what it meant.
Gary said it was the new stadium, the people and knowing what he was in for. Gary said he was up a couple of feet further than he was this time. Gary said when he finally got to the mound he thought it was much closer than he thought it was going to be.
Artie said he walked off 60 feet in Central Park yesterday and it is further than you think. He said he threw a perfect strike every time when he practiced though. He thought Gary may have walked off 6 feet 60 inches. Robin got a laugh out of that but Gary wasn't laughing.
Howard played some reports about Gary's pitch and they had one from El Paso, Texas where a bunch of women were laughing at him. Gary said they must be just good enough to work in El Paso.
Howard played another report where they made it sound like it was him who took the pitch. The announcer called the pitch and said ''Baba Booey'' but it was a very quick report.
Howard mentioned that Keith Olbermann mentioned the Gary pitch too and didn't even explain it because so many people know about it.
Howard said even Obama has said he's for men and women marrying and not gays. Howard said this woman just wasn't able to articulate her view very well on the Miss USA pageant. Howard asked Gary if they still had that clip so he could play it.
Howard said Carrie's speech wasn't much different than something JD might say with that mush mouth way of speaking he has. Howard said JD was talking to them yesterday and not making much sense. He had some clips from the Wrap Up Show where JD was talking about his toast at his father's wedding.
In the clip JD was talking about how he went out and bought a recorder from Best Buy instead of having one aired out to him. After playing that clip Artie was laughing his ass off.
Howard played more of JD mumbling and trying to get through a sentence. JD was explaining how many best men they had at the wedding. Gary was explaining to him how there's usually just one best man.
Howard said that kid has a way with a story. Gary said he still can't figure out who the best man was at the wedding. Howard said you usually just choose one man, not four. Howard said that they can't have four best men.
Howard had the Carrie Prejean clip that he was talking about earlier. He said that there are a lot of people who don't believe in gay marriage and this isn't that big of a deal. He played the clip of her being asked about what she thinks of gay marriage and she comes out against it.
Howard said she's not known for having brilliant thoughts, she's just a good looking chick on a beauty pageant. Howard said he always thought that the Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing was bullshit for the military. He said that all politicians won't stand up for what they believe in and they're pussies. He said that they're in the business of winning elections and they have to compromise their beliefs. Howard said you have to such so much dick to get into office.
Artie said it was nuts to say that she was raised like that. He said he was raised Roman Catholic and his parents never sat him down and said that marriage is only between a man and a woman.
Howard said Cheerios is looking for a resolution with the FDA but Howard said that stuff tastes too good to be helping anything.
Howard said this Farrah Fawcett thing is really bothering him. He said she was so beautiful. Artie said she really was hot. Howard said she got even hotter when she left Lee Majors. Howard said that's like Megan Fox getting rid of Brian Austin Green. Robin said she has done that already. Howard said he thought that they were back together.
Howard said he was reading about this Farrah Fawcett thing where they talk about the reality show she's doing and how Ryan O'Neal and Farrah's son is in jail. Howard said her life could have been so much different. Howard said she had Lee Majors and Ryan O'Neal. Howard said now she's dying of anal cancer that spread to her liver. She could have this joy of a son in her life but now her son, Redmond, is busy with drugs and getting arrested.
Howard said this kid should be taking advantage of the stuff that's offered to him instead of screwing things up. Howard said it's so sad.
Howard said the other mess in Hollywood is Lindsay Lohan. Howard said cops were called to her house yesterday and they assumed that there was a robbery there because the house was ransacked. Howard said the cops said there was a robbery and she said that there wasn't. It was just the way her house was kept. She apparently lives like a pig. Howard said for a girl to live like that is really sad. Artie said that's the worst when a chick keeps a messy house like that.
Howard said he has seen Robin's house and apartment and it's meticulous. Artie said he likes women who keep their house like that.
Howard read the Lindsay Lohan story and they talk about the cops asking Lindsay if it was always like that or did the intruders do that. Artie laughed his ass off at that.
Howard said they had some guy run out on the field at Citi Field half naked. Artie said Mets fans love to see naked guys apparently. Howard said the guy wasn't naked but he didn't have much on. Artie said ''A Met fan in a thong? How odd.''
Artie said he just wanted to make his friends laugh. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard said he would never do anything like that on a dare. Howard said he'd just say it was absurd. He's not going to go out and make a jackass out of himself like that.
Artie told Howard about how he did the ball grab thing. He said his buddy told him to do it so this player threw the ball up in the air and the ball was bouncing on the court. He ran out and took the shot and missed. He said the security guards came out and tackled him. Artie said he was 17 and had a cheesy moustache and a bad tan.
Artie said the guys hit him and rolled around with him. He said they put him in handcuffs and took him off. Artie said the entire crowd booed him and chanted ''Asshole!'' as he was being taken off the court.
Artie said he had to sit handcuffed in this room for about 10 minutes. Artie said he was being very polite the whole time because his father taught him how to act when he's arrested. Howard said he never got that kind of advice from his father.
Artie went on to say that he was just tossed out of the game, he wasn't arrested. Artie said he was outside for 5 minutes and this guy was leaving the game and asked him why he was out there. Artie told him and he gave him his front row tickets since he was on his way out. Artie said he walked to another gate and went back into the game. Artie said he went in and avoided the guards that had thrown him out. Artie said he went in and watched the rest of the game from the front row.
Artie said his buddies saw him down there and he told the guards that he didn't know them. Artie said they had to stay up in the upper deck. Artie said he also won 50 bucks on that game.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that there is an odder looking couple in Hollywood. Howard said he doesn't. He said he thinks that they might look odd. Howard said they don't really look that odd though. Artie and Robin said that there are odder couples out there. Howard said if he wasn't on the radio he might look odd with Beth. He said he probably wouldn't get a Beth if he wasn't a radio guy. The caller said of course he wouldn't.
Howard said he thinks they look good together. Gary asked Howard about some other couples like Imus and his wife. Howard said they look odd.
Howard said he's had some famous guys walk up to him and say they don't get how they're a couple. Howard said he's no longer friends with them. Howard said he had one actor come up to them and tell Beth that she looks amazing. Howard said it was like he didn't matter. Howard said these guys look at him like he's irrelevant and he doesn't belong or shouldn't even be in the picture.
Howard said he thinks he should be with a hot chick. Artie agreed. He even said that he liked it when it was rumored that Springsteen was cheating on his wife.
The caller said that there are some very odd looking couples on that ''Rock Star Wives'' show. Artie said he knows this caller and he looks really sleazy. He said he looks like he has a spray tan and takes a spin class every day. The caller, Eric, said that he does tan and work out. He also claimed that he was a realtor. Artie said he looks a little fruity to him and asked if he has ever fucked a guy. Eric said he hasn't. He said he'd beat Artie on the court too. Artie told him to stop stalking him at the coffee shop too. Eric said he hasn't seen Artie there in years.
Howard said Eric called up to make him feel bad and now Artie turned it around on him and is making him feel bad. Howard said he loves that they turned it on this guy. He said Eric must feel like a jerk now. Eric said he was just busting Howard's balls. Howard said that's all they're doing to him too.
Artie said he'd love for this guy to break his jaw. He said he'd love that. Eric said he was just kidding around. Eric told Howard he thinks he's a good looking guy and deserves Beth.
Artie said Eric produced a gig for him one time. He goofed on the guy about that but said he really was just breaking his balls. Howard said it was obvious the guy was just trying to piss him off with the call.
Artie said that the guys who get spray tans are the best conversationalists. He was joking around about that and said that Eric said that he actually ''browns'' when he's on vacation. Howard and Artie continued to goof on the guy for a short time.
Artie said that this guy Eric showed up with a bus load of chicks one day. He said he got on the bus and the chicks looked like the type of chicks that can't even get into Hustler.
Howard said he tried to roll with that guy but it wasn't happening. He said he and Beth are together and there are some jealous guys out there. Howard said he's better looking than many of the guys who bust his balls about that.
Howard said he had a guy say hello to him the other day and he could barely understand what the guy was saying. Howard said the guy was mumbling to him and he kept mumbling when he'd ask him what he was saying. Howard said he thought he asked him how he felt so he said he felt Beautiful, like a million bucks. Then the guy said ''Beautiful? You should get your eyes checked.'' Howard said the guy was hit with the ugly stick and he's giving him crap.
Howard said this guy couldn't get pussy if it fell on his head. Howard said the guy was just a jealous mother fucker. Howard said the guy is just jealous of his looks. He said it's pretty bad if you're jealous of his looks.
Howard said he can see people's jealousy. He said he's comfortable with it too. Howard said he doesn't think he's anything that great. He said he notices that there are some people who are very uncomfortable with him being with Beth. Howard said he had a friend who was kind of close to him but not all that close. He said they would get together once in a while. Artie thought he was talking about Ross. Howard said it's really not Ross.
Howard said this guy he was talking about called him one time and he had just run into Beth. The guy told him that he was the luckiest fuckin' Jew on the planet. Howard said he didn't say anything but then realized it was just horse shit. He said that no one thinks like that and if you do you should shut the fuck up. Howard said he'd like to know what that's all about.
Howard said if you're thinking that Jew thing, just don't say it. He said it reeks of hate. He said it's like they can't stand you. He said that comment killed the relationship and he just didn't want to see the guy anymore.
Howard said he's tried to reach out and make friendships with people but it's not easy. He said you have to let them into your life to figure out if you'll get along but then they pull stuff like this. He said it's a lot like dating in a way.
Howard said he was pretty close to the guy and he and Beth were trying to set him up on a date. Howard said he must not have liked the girls they introduced. Then the guy would ask what Beth was doing with him. Howard said he was like ''fuck off'' and said that this guy isn't that good looking. Howard said people take liberties with him. He doesn't put up with much though.
Artie said you can't put up with that kind of shit. Howard said the guy can't get laid so that's the sad part. He said it's just weird. The whole jealousy thing is weird to him. Howard said people are just really weird and dumb. He said people are just disappointing. He said there's nothing you can do about that.
Howard said it's almost hysterical to him to think about that. Artie said there must be a part of him that's jealous of Howard but it doesn't fester. He said he has to talk to his shrink about that on Friday.
Howard said he has jealousy in him but he has to deal with it. Howard said there's no doubt that Artie would have jealousy in him about certain things. Howard said it must be weird for people that he's the front man of the show. He said that they can go and deal with it though.
Howard said there are people who just can't deal with it and they're complete nut jobs. Howard said Artie is smart enough to numb himself with heroin. Artie said many brilliant people have done that.
Booker asked about the friend thing that Howard was just talking about. He said that he's gone out and heard some of that ''Jew'' stuff and he's never sure if he should laugh or not.
Howard said he had to end the conversation. He heard that Booker is going to their old station in L.A. and they're going to be doing a show like he was doing in Philly. Booker said he'll be working with Kevin Weahterly who is a great guy. Robin said she's going to miss Booker. She said she'll have to call him when she goes out to L.A.
Howard said Ron Howard showed up early today so he had to get to him. He and Robin spent a short time talking about the movie he had coming out and how he had made ''The Da Vinci Code'' movie and made a ton on that. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Ron if he was nervous about this new movie ''Angels and Demons.'' Ron said that he is. He said they have found that the audience likes this kind of movie with Tom Hanks in the role. They ended up talking about the kind of money the movie ''The Da Vinci Code'' made and how much Ron might have made. Ron didn't seem comfortable talking about that.
Howard asked Ron if he hates that the theaters keep 50 percent of the ticket sales. Ron said they have to stay in business so he understands that. Howard said Ron should benefit from films that make $760 million. Ron said he did benefit. He's doing okay.
Howard asked Ron about his production company ''Imagine'' and how they can be that involved in so many projects. Howard said he sees it all over the place. Ron said they have some great executives who help them out. Howard asked if they've had any failures. Ron said of course they do. Ron said one big failure was ''The Missing'' that they just couldn't get people to go see. He said it was a good movie in his opinion. Ron said some people didn't like it but the reviews were mixed. Howard said he would see that one because he likes everything that Ron does.
Ron said he was asked what movie he didn't like that he made. He said that he told them what it was and it was the kid's favorite so it was kind of a bummer to them. Ron said he won't comment on movies like that now.
Howard asked Ron about his old movies and if he watches them when they're on. Ron said that he will sit and watch them sometimes. He said he does see them a lot when he's making them though.
Ron said he's very happy with the work he's done. Howard said he started a production company and he was going to do some stuff but he doesn't have the time to get into it. He said that Ron has made a living out of it.
Howard asked Ron if he has 5 movies in mind that he wants to make. Ron said that he does but it's tough to make it all happen.
Howard asked Ron why he has avoided making a super hero film. Ron said he was never a comic book fan so he didn't think that would be his thing to make a movie like that. Ron said you have to love what you're doing and he has been fortunate in making the movies he's made.
Ron said he saw Spider-Man and liked it. His daughter Bryce was in the third one too. Howard asked if he saw Star Trek. He said he did and thought it was very good.
Howard told Ron about how he told JJ Abrams that he was going to make $79 million this past weekend and JJ said that he would blow him if he did make that much. Ron got a laugh out of that. Artie asked Ron if people in Hollywood are bullshitters about stuff like that. Ron said they are when it comes to blow jobs.
Howard asked Ron about some of the people who are hard to work with in Hollywood like Val Kilmer. Ron said there were good days and bad days with him. He said he worked on a couple of things. Artie said ''Yeah, Val built a deck at Ron's house.'' Ron said he started off as an actor so he understands what it's like so he's sympathetic to it.
Ron said he casts people for a reason and it just matters how it comes out on screen. Ron said Tom Hanks is unbelievable and has complete integrity about what he does. Ron said Tom is a great writer and he does contribute to these movies they work on together.
Ron said they shot this ''Angels and Demons'' in Rome. He said the Vatican wasn't happy they were doing this movie. Artie told him all he had to do was throw them $10 million and they'd turn their heads. Ron asked Artie where he was when he was shooting the movie. Artie said he's been in Jersey.
Ron said that there have been some Catholics who have come out and said that this movie isn't against the Catholic religion.
Howard asked Ron if there's a competition in the family since his daughter is in the new Terminator movie that's coming out in a couple of weeks. Ron said it's not coming out at the same time. Howard asked Ron if he would rather have his film or his daughter's film make over $100 million. Howard said it would mean that his daughter's film would have to bomb or his film would have to bomb. Howard figured that Ron would want his to succeed. Ron said he does have a profit sharing thing with his film and his daughter doesn't so he would want his to succeed.
Howard asked Ron about why he didn't let his kids act when they were kids. Ron said that many kids don't have good luck when they work as child actors so he wanted to hold off on that until they were adults.
Howard asked Ron if he was upset with is father for putting him into the business when he was a kid. Ron said he really appreciates it. Howard didn't believe it. He said he thinks that Ron is on a couch with a psychiatrist at home and this isn't what he's thinking.
Howard said Ron must hate seeing the kids in the business. Ron said that some of the kids are great. Ron never thought of acting as a career when he was in the business. Ron said he started working really young in New York and his dad was directing Summer Stock so he picked up on some of the lines they were doing and people found it cute. He was pretty good at it and they thought he'd be good.
Howard said Ron was lucky that he turned out the way he did and had so much success. Ron said that Kurt Russell was another one who turned out well. Ron said he always loved it and the kids who don't are kids who don't act very well. He said he was able to learn it from being around his father. Ron said he was lucky that he got to keep working and didn't want to sit around waiting for acting jobs to come up so that's why he got into the directing.
Ron told Howard about his daughter Bryce getting into acting and going to school for it. Howard asked if Bryce is dating. Ron said she's actually married.
Artie said that when you bring your kid to work when you're an actor the kids can fall in love with the job. Artie said his father brought him to work and he didn't fall in love with installing antennas.
Howard asked Ron about this play that Bryce was in and how she was naked in it. Ron said she had her clothes on for the first 10 minutes but then it was off for the rest of the play. Ron said he brought his dad to see the play and he didn't know how nude she was going to be for that amount of time. Ron said when the show was over his father said it was courageous and she will never have to be afraid again. Ron thought that was very cool of him to say.
Artie said that watching your daughter nude in a play is only more awkward than watching a guy getting a blow job at a bachelor party while he's standing next to the father of the bride.
Howard asked if he ever feels that the guys from Happy Days are jealous of him. Ron said he stays in touch with those guys all the time. Artie said that Scott Baio told Clint Howard in his reality show that he was trying to get into his brother's films for years. Artie said poor Clint didn't know what to say to that.
Howard said that he used to love the Mel Gibson movies until he came out with the whole Jew thing. Ron said that Mel would be the first to say that he wrestles with demons. Howard said Ron is able to stay clean and asked him how he has sex with the actresses and it never gets out. Ron just laughed. Artie asked how he scores heroin secretly. Ron laughed some more.
Howard said Ron was there to promote this ''Angels and Demons'' movie. Ron said he's excited about this movie and it's a real ''audience movie.'' Ron said it's a sequel and he's never made a sequel before. He said it's a great action movie and he thinks that people will get a kick out of it.
Gary came in to ask a question. Howard told Ron about the pitch that he threw at the Mets game over the weekend. Howard asked Ron about the pitch that Tom Hanks threw to him one time at a game. Ron said that they were in front of 50,000 fans and he wasn't able to catch the ball. Ron said they did this in Tokyo and Tom threw the ball 8 feet wide and in the dirt and he had to make a lunge for it. Gary said that his was on Kimmel last night.
Howard had the guys show the pitch to Ron. Ron told Gary he did way worse than Tom Hanks. Ron said Tom wasn't girlish when he threw it. Howard laughed at that comment. Gary had pain in his face when he heard that.
Gary asked Tom about working with Jim Carrey on the Grinch. He heard that Jim complained about the outfit so Ron came in dressed in the outfit one day to show him how it looked. Ron said that Jim toughed it out but he was miserable. Ron said he showed up in the outfit to lighten the mood about halfway through the shoot.
Howard asked Ron if he ever talks to his brother about always using him in his movies. Ron said he loves working with his brother and they're very close. He said Clint has told him that he doesn't want to work like he does. Artie said that sounds like he's lazy on top if it all. Ron sighed when he heard that.
Howard asked Ron about working with all of these hot actresses and if he just casts his wife aside. Ron said that she's not cast asidable. He said that she's great and they still have a good sex life.
Artie said that he and Norm have talked about actresses and how they have to know the right guys to fuck in Hollywood. He said that they have to know who the right people are and Ron Howard is one of the right guys you have to fuck.
Ron said that he wouldn't give up what he has for a second. He said his wife is great and he's known her since high school. Ron said he's been with her since then. Howard asked if he ever fantasies about what it could have been like. Ron said of course he does.
Artie said that he doesn't get why he would lead such a sinless life and then make these movies and go to hell over that. They got some laughs out of that.
Howard said that Ron has never let down with this movies. They talked about ''A Beautiful Mind'' and working with Russell Crowe. Ron said that Russell is working on ''Robin Hood'' right now with Ridley Scott and they're doing that for his company, Imagine.
Howard asked Ron if he could put out a movie with an unknown actor and do really well with it. Ron said that he would do that. He said that he kind of did that with ''Frost Nixon'' because the guys in that weren't a huge box office draw but they ended up doing really well with it.
Ron said that when this movie opens he's done with the press tour. Ron said he's doing a top 10 list this week for Letterman but he's done when the movie opens. Howard said he's going to be screening the movie this weekend and he's going to be the hero when he invites some people over.
Howard told Ron that he knows his movie is going to be good and he knows that Ron isn't a shithead. Ron asked if they could use that quote for the movie. Howard said he guarantees that this movie will be good. He said that Ron should be set to make some big money with the movie the first weekend. Ron didn't think it would be 100 million the first weekend but maybe worldwide it would be.
Artie asked Ron if he checks the dailies for Robin Hood himself. Ron said he and Brian Grazer trust each other and they don't have to check it every day. He said they had just skimmed the surface with him today.
Ron asked what the Wheel of Sex was sitting in the back of the studio. Howard told him that's what he's going to be doing next time. Artie said he wanted to know if Ron had banged a black chick. Howard said that Ron has only been with his wife. Ron said that's true. He met her in high school and she's the only one he's been with.
Howard and Robin asked Ron about Scott Baio and all of the chicks he was able to get. Ron said he was a good guy and a good actor too. Howard said that Scott may have womanized for a little too long.
Howard said it's amazing that a guy in Hollywood like Ron has only had sex with his wife. That's remarkable. Ron said that it is pretty shocking. Howard said there's a certain beauty and a certain sadness to that.
Robin asked Ron if he has anyone that he'd like to work with that he hasn't yet. Ron said there are people like that but he didn't want to say who they were. Howard whispered ''Howard Stern...'' Ron thought he was very good in his movie. Howard said he deserved an Academy Award for that part. Ron said that's where he saw Paul Giamatti for the first time and he worked with him on a couple of things after that.
Robin asked Ron who he would like to work with. Ron said he'd like to work with Johnny Depp, Jack Nicholson, Merryl Streep and others. Howard asked him about Paris Hilton. Ron said that he hasn't seen her range of abilities yet.
Howard said Ron didn't care about anything else they talked about today. All he cares about his promoting this movie ''Angels and Demons'' that's opening this weekend. Howard thanked him for coming in and said that they were honored that he came in. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Joe Walsh is the best walking advertisement for taking guitar lessons. Howard said girls were willing to put up with a lot of bullshit from him because of his guitar playing ability.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Baba Booey sucks. Howard said Gary is taking a beating on this whole pitch thing. JD keeps coming in with more and more clips from news reports about the pitch. Howard keeps telling Gary that no one is going to see those clips even when they come from WGN in Chicago.
Howard played the WGN clip where a reporter made fun of Gary's pitch during a sports report. The other reporters were laughing at the pitch.
Howard said it's the worst when a chick sidekick on the news is laughing. He said it's like high school with the jock and his hot chick girlfriend making fun of you.
Howard said Riley Martin weighed in on the pitch. Howard said Riley didn't have a female to laugh along with him but Riley was laughing plenty himself. Howard played the clip and Riley was asked about the pitch. Riley was asked if Tan would have come down and ripped a symbol out of Gary's hands if he had seen him throw that pitch. Riley went on about the pitch and thought that Gary was pitching to someone who was batting. Riley had some other jokes about Gary that he threw out and cracked himself up with them. Artie said he loves Riley's show.
Howard said Sam Simon sent him a note about being at a charity auction and they were tossing some stuff out to the crowd. One of the things went way off to the side and someone yelled out ''Baba Booey!''
Artie laughed his ass off at that call. Howard said he didn't get the reference to the sweet and sour part of the call. Artie said it was just a tongue twister.
Howard read some email he got about Artie jerking off to Robin. Howard said some fans didn't like hearing about that. Howard read an email about Robin's Sunday Morning appearance. The writer thought that Robin was out of it and all of her symptoms were psychosomatic and the diet isn't helping her. Robin said as long as she feels better she's fine.
Howard said Artie went to that John Lennon exhibit that they were talking about yesterday. Artie said he loved the entire thing. He said they have a 10 minute film at the beginning and the whole Lennon thing was very moving. He said that he even likes Yoko Ono after seeing what she wrote about John.
Artie said they have video of John walking in Central Park in the 70s and he's dancing to the song Mind Games and you can tell how much he loves New York and Central Park. Artie said that the last thing you see is from two weeks after John died. Yoko gets his clothes and stuff back and his glasses were filed with blood. That's the last thing you see. Yoko wrote that since that day 932,000 people have died from gun violence. Yoko also said that they have the brown paper bag that she got his clothes back in and Yoko said that's what his life ended up being because of gun violence.
Howard said he made some comments about John yesterday and he got so much hate mail about it. He read some of that mail. Howard said people thought that John would have been a terrorist supporter and he would have been trashing America if he had lived. Howard said no one knows that for sure and he's not sure why people would say that.
Howard said someone thought Lennon was a cunt for leaving his first wife and kid. Howard said he didn't like what John did to his first wife and son. He said he wasn't a saint but he was a wonderful artist who uplifted people and changed the way people looked at war and many other things. Howard said you can look at people like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. and everyone is flawed.
Howard read some more mail about Artie and his goofing on Gary all the time. Artie said that stuff is funny as hell. Howard said people were upset with Artie calling people ''fag.'' Howard said there were some people who were fans of Artie's racism. Artie said he's not a racist. Howard read a bunch of email about that and some people were all for him saying ''fag'' and all of that stuff.
Howard said he heard from a lot of gay men who thought Scott DePace was out of his mind. There were guys who said that there are plenty of gay guys golfing. They think that DePace is crazy for saying that there aren't that many. Scott said that he didn't say there weren't any. He said that there may not be that many.
Scott said there aren't that many black guys out there playing golf either. He said that in his judgment he would say that it's less than the heterosexuals playing. Howard said that there are probably as many gays playing golf as the percentage there are in society. Scott told Howard and the guys that they were nuts. Yeah, they're nuts.
Howard played some audio of Scott talking about this stuff on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. That kept Howard on that subject for a minute before he moved on.
Howard said he wasn't sure if he wanted to go. Beth said she was going to research it so he's still not sure if he's going this year.
Robin was trying to talk Howard into it saying that the swine flu will be gone by Christmas. She figured it wouldn't stick around. Artie said it sounds like Robin is sick of getting up early in the morning and she's trying to knock Howard off.
Artie told Howard to just go down to Keansburg, New Jersey, it's beautiful around that time. Howard said Robin was almost talking him out of it. Howard said he loves Mexico when he goes there. He's not sure if there's any swine flu in the area he goes to.
Howard said he doesn't go to Cancun or Mexico City. He said that place is a mess. He talked about the kids there begging in the streets like it was their main occupation. Howard said that's what it was like around the time he got married so he's not sure what it's like now. Howard said that was probably 1978 or so. He said it was so bad down there.
Artie said he bought coke down in Cancun one time and one of the bouncers caught him. He said the guy asked him for 500 pesos and the guy looked the other way. Artie said he'd probably still be in jail if he had gotten busted. Artie said he didn't have the money and had to borrow it from the chick he was with. He didn't have it to pay her back so he just bolted when he got out to the dance floor.
Artie said he would rather be the guy not begging the other to be in a movie. Artie said he'd jealous of Ron Howard because he seems to happy and normal. Howard said that he would have only had sex with one woman in his life though. He said he would regret that.
Artie said at 20 he would choose to have been Scott Baio. He said now that he's older he would rather be Ron Howard. Howard said Ron has only had sex with one woman in his life though. Artie said he's happy and he has no way to relate to that.
Howard said Scott Baio might be happy. Robin said she's not so sure about that. Artie said Scott isn't a failure either. Fred said that Scott doesn't appear to be happy and he might be a sex addict.
Howard said he must be out numbered in that room. The caller said he'd go with the Scott Baio thing. He said he's still doing okay but that resume of his is just incredible.
Howard asked Bill what he would do. Bill said he would do what Howard said he would do. Howard said he thinks that every guy would rather be in bed with that Megan Fox even if it's just oral. Howard changed it up and said that he would have a guy banging the guy in the ass while he was with Megan Fox. That would make the choice harder. Howard said he would take Megan Fox and Julianne even if he couldn't touch them. He said he'd rather have them over Whoopi and Star Jones no matter what.
Bill asked if he could be a judge in the Intern Beauty Pageant. Robin said that they can't let him in because he's too creepy. Howard thought he would be good. Gary said he's too creepy and he'd be inappropriate. Gary asked Bill if he wrote a poem for one of the interns. Bill said that he did and he had written about Gary doing something weird with an intern's ass or something. Bill had also sent some flowers to an intern a couple of years ago. Gary said they have a Playboy evaluation that he might be better suited to. Howard said he probably should keep Bill away for the intern thing but he will have him in for the Playboy thing.
Robin said they don't need Bill in there for this intern pageant. She said that he's going to either be really inappropriate or he'll try to curtail it and that's not what they'd want.
Bill's phone was ringing so Howard asked what was up with that. Bill said that was his door ringing. He said he's on the sixth floor of a building and it's an intercom building.
The guys talked about how Bill is on SSI and he's still in a building with an intercom. They said that Bill must be able to spend wisely. Bill said he doesn't go out partying and he's able to save his money. Howard said he likes to hear that.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he's a pro and he can't even get in on the intern pageant. Yucko said he should be able to get in on that. Yucko went off on him for a minute saying he hates him. Gary said Yucko is desperate to get on the show so that's why he's so upset.
Another caller said that Bill should be allowed in there instead of Ralph. Howard said they have a certain responsibility to keep the interns away from people like that. He said they've been put into their hands for safe keeping and Bill gets very worked up with these girls. The caller said that the girls are floozies and whores so they don't need to be protected.
Bill said that he sent flowers to one of the girls but he had never even seen her. Bill said he only sent them once and it was because everyone was yelling at her.
Howard told Bill they can't have him in tomorrow. Bill said that's okay but he sent in a song parody to Richard to play. Howard asked Richard if he had gotten that song. Richard said he was really creeped out by the song. He said it was Bill singing about the interns and it was very creepy. That was Richard saying that something had creeped him out.
Richard said he loves Ham Hands Bill but the song was really creepy. Bill told them which song was the complete one. Howard played the song but it was creepy. Howard said Richard was right about that. Bill was singing along to a song but the music was barely coming through. Bill was singing about how he wanted the girls to bend over for him and things like that. Artie said he liked it when he said he wouldn't even need vaseline on the tip of his dick.
Howard let the song play through some more and got all creeped out by it. Then at the end of the song he says he's Ham Hands Bill and then blows a kiss.
Richard said the mix in that song might have been a little better than some of his other versions. Howard asked Bill what the difference was. Bill said it had to do with one of the lines in the song about Gary. He had changed the lyrics.
The guys found it odd that Bill knew the intern's names. Bill said he listens to the Intern Show every week so he knows them from that. Howard said he has to go with Robin on this and they have to keep him away from the interns.
Ralph called in and said that they have to have him come in just to sing that song. Howard said Ralph's judgment is very clouded. Ralph said you can't even understand what he's saying.
Artie asked Ralph if he was in for Star Trek in Imax today. Ralph said it depends on what time but he should be able to go.
Gary said he had the poem that Ham Hands Bill wrote for the interns a while back. He had the audio from the Intern Show where he read that poem. Howard played the clip and Bill was talking about the intern's butt checks being warm and wanting to spank the girl's asses and stuff.
Howard said he thinks they made the right call on this today. They're not going to have Bill come in for the pageant. Howard let Bill go a short time later. He played a prank call they had Bill make to a flower shop asking them to send his sweetie Robin some flowers. He read the note to the woman that he wanted her to send along with the flowers. They had to go to break after that
Howard came back and said the intern Beauty Pageant tomorrow is sponsored by Vegas.com. He said he meant to mention that earlier. Howard said he just ate his lunch and he didn't even taste it as it went down because he ate so fast.
Howard said they won't have Ham Hands Bill in there tomorrow. Robin said she would have had to have reminded Howard of some things off the air if he had agreed to it.
Howard said he was waiting to go into his shrink's office yesterday and he crossed his legs and his pants jingled. He said they have things on them that make them jingle a little bit. Howard said he told Ralph that it was disturbing to hear that jingle. He said he looked down and Ralph had Scotch Taped all of the metal things on the pants. Howard said the tape is coming up so it's all coming up off the pants.
Howard said he does pretty well and you'd think that Ralph would use something nicer on the pants than Scotch Tape. Howard said he should take some pride in what he does. Howard said Ralph could have used black tape or thread or something like that to cover them up.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they made the right decision about Ham Hands Bill. She said he's a sick version of John the Stutterer with the creepy comments. She also had a suggestion for another judge like Robin. Howard had to hang up on the woman because she was taking a long time to say nothing.
Ralph called in and said he was going to cut those things off and he just forgot. Howard said he notices that when Ralph works he's hesitant to write things down and maybe that's what he should do. Ralph said he wrote it down but he still forgot.
Howard asked Ralph how he can forget when he has so little to do. Ralph said he just forgot. Howard asked him not to put Scotch Tape on that stuff. Ralph apologized for doing that.
Howard said Ralph comes in every time to work and he raises his solar shade to work. He never puts the shade back down when he leaves. Howard said he should lower it to the way he found it if he moves it. Ralph said he does sometimes. Howard said he never does.
Howard said Ralph makes the room the way he wants it and leaves it that way. Ralph said Howard could just put the shade down. Howard said it's Ralph looking for a mommy and daddy thing. Ralph said that's not a psychological thing like he thinks everything is.
Howard said he's thinking about not having Ralph over anymore. He said he cares about Ralph but he's not even sure why. Howard said Ralph comes over and drinks too much and eats too much. He just does everything on overload when he does that. Howard said it's not fun for him to have him over.
Howard said he has to stick to his guns and not put himself through this Ralph stuff anymore. Howard said he knows that it's not going to work but he thinks he's still going to have him over to his house. Ralph threw up in his bed last summer when he stayed over. Ralph said he had a head injury that time.
Howard said Ralph just drank all day long when he stayed over. He said he could just have two drinks and not 25 and he'd be fine.
Ralph said they're probably better off not hanging out over there. Artie said he'll probably end up at his place instead. Artie said Ralph was there last year and he didn't act inappropriate. Howard said it's hard to act inappropriate at a heroin addict's house.
Howard let Ralph go and said he'd see him tomorrow for the beauty pageant... so the fans can send him hate male.
Steve said High Pitch Eric is facing a deadline to get out of his apartment this Friday. He's also due in criminal court over the credit card charges he made to someone else's card.
Steve said they also have a story about a fan who has gotten threatening messages from Eric. He called this woman Zena and threatened her over some comments she made about him on SternFanNetwork.com. Steve also got in a mention about the free Howard 100 and 101 that's going to be on XM radio next week.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of subjects they had coming up today.
Howard said he got the NY Post today and they had toe fungus ads stuck on with stickers and it was gross. Howard said he didn't agree with that and thought it was wrong to put that on there.
Jon got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down a few more of the subjects they were going to cover today.
Howard told Eric that he can't be threatening these girls like that. Eric said that she was talking about him for no reason. Howard asked what it was that was so embarrassing. Eric said he owes $7,000 in back rent and she doesn't have to go on there repeating it to people. Artie told him that he had just said it on the air in front of more people than read that site. Eric said she doesn't need to keep repeating it though. Howard told Eric that he should take that slogan ''Sticks and stones...'' and follow it.
Mutt called in and said that this girl Zena isn't a hater and she's never said anything bad about Eric. He said Zena is the one who raised the money for Blue Iris' funeral. Mutt also said that he just yelled at Eric earlier to leave this girl alone.
Mutt said that Zena made a thread about a news story about Eric and then he threatens to break her jaw. Eric said she's the one who needs to calm down. Howard told Eric to stop going on there.
Artie said he was on that site for about four seconds and he will never do that again. Artie said he likes Mutt but the site is really bad for you if you're on the show. Mutt said he barely even goes on the site.
Howard told Eric to stop telling people he's going to break their jaw. He said he just can't do that. Eric said the best thing to do is just ignore it.
Artie was calling Eric fat so Eric said that he's been on the same diet that Artie is on and he's losing weight. Artie said he still looks morbidly obese though. Artie said he looked like he was near death a week ago.
Eric asked if he could judge the Intern Beauty Pageant. Howard said he can't do that. He said he'll have him in to judge something else. Mutt had to get going and said that ''Gary is a fag'' as he was saying goodbye.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with his Intern Show preview after that. Steve ran down some of the stuff they'd be covering tonight on the Intern Show.
Robin brought up how there are community refrigerators that people use at work. She said they have a policy there to empty it out every week there. Robin said that at an AT&T building had to be evacuated because the smell of the refrigerator was so bad. They were trying to clean it and the smells of the cleaner and the rotting food made 28 people sick enough to go to the hospital.
Artie said there's a shit pond in Kandahar where they went to do comedy and they were warned that the smell was going to get ripe around 6. Nick DiPaolo was on stage when it really hit and Nick started to gag and puke on stage. Artie said he had to put a cigarette in his nose so he wouldn't smell it while he was on stage.
Howard said he hated it when they didn't clean that stuff up at radio stations he worked at. Artie said K-Rock was the worst. They had a pubic hair on the sink in the bathroom that sat there for months. Howard said they had a guy working there who would shave his pubes in the sink.
Howard said they used to have a guy dropping a deuce in the bathroom every morning and they'd leave it there for them to see. Artie said they thought that it was Crazy Cabbie who was doing that.
Howard said it was really depressing there at K-Rock. They talked about how gross and dirty things were there. Howard said it must have been depressing for David Lee Roth to walk into that and try to do a show. He said Dave was very hung up on the decorating there so he'd talk to him about it once in a while. Howard said it wasn't often but he did talk to him about what he was going to do to the studio. Howard said he told Dave that was the last thing he had to worry about. Howard said he offered to come on the air and help him out with the show but Dave didn't want to do that.
Robin said there's a new iPhone app that lets you watch your Slingbox on your phone. Howard said he has that on his Blackberry already. Howard was going to demonstrate that for Robin since she didn't know it was available on her phone.
Howard showed Robin how it worked and Gary said he uses his all the time to watch baseball games when he's out. Artie asked if he can still watch baseball. Gary said he can as long as Artie isn't there. Howard tried to get it to work but he didn't have a Wi-Fi connection. Howard said the building is hard to work in. Gary said it doesn't always work in the building. Howard said he has this Slingbox thing hooked up to multiple TVs so he can watch his assistant's TV and other stuff. Howard said he can log on to multiple TVs and stuff and it's great.
Gary wanted to do the same thing as Howard so he asked who he should talk to. Howard told him to talk to Laura, his assistant.
Howard said that AT&T has the worst phone service. He said he can't make phone calls with this phone of his because the service is so bad. Howard said he used to have great service with Sprint. Artie said he's had many carriers and they all have dead spots in the same areas. Howard said the AT&T service just sucks.
Robin read about baseball player Brooks Robinson revealing that he had prostate cancer and had gone through some treatments for that. The guys talked about how great a player he was.
Ralph called in and said that the signal has to do with the phone too and it could be the phone that sucks. Ralph said the phone service might suck because of the phone because his iPhone is great. Howard said he thinks it's the service and not the phone. He didn't know what the answer was. Ralph said AT&T doesn't suck for him. He said he doesn't have problems anywhere, even in The Hamptons.
Robin read that David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are back together. Howard said of course they are, Tea isn't going anywhere. Robin read that they had seen a play in the City the other night and looked happy together.
Howard said David is probably under the same kind of lock down that Artie was under and he has guys making sure he's not going out having sex with other women since he apparently has a sex addiction.
Howard and Artie spent a little time talking about sex addiction and how they might have it too. Howard said that maybe Duchovny has it under control now and maybe he sees that he was hurting his wife. Howard said there are people who are deeply offended when their spouse is away from them and maybe that's what Duchovny was doing. That would be the definition of a sex addict. He said it's got to be a mental thing. Howard said you can't be that horny.
Howard said an addiction would be something that distracts you so much that it's disturbing your life. He said that everyone loves sex but there are people who can have some kind of addiction. Howard said he got what Ron was saying today about how he values what he has with his wife and how it's not worth going out and getting side pussy. Howard said it's not worth giving up that intimacy that you have with your wife. Howard said he has to suspect that Duchovny has to go in and get therapy for that addiction.
Howard said it has to hurt his wife that he went out and cheated on her. He said heroin wouldn't get hurt if you cheated on it. Artie said that people around you get hurt though.
Robin read a story about a guy who was arrested for touching a woman in the train station. The guy was arrested and found to have been a sex offender in the past. He had just gotten out of jail two weeks ago.
Robin read a story about a drunken Brad Pitt calling Jennifer Aniston. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if Jennifer was the one releasing that information. Howard said Jennifer had Brad Pitt and it has been devastating to her that she lost him.
Howard said he can believe that Pitt would call Jennifer because he left her for Angelina Jolie and she keeps adopting these kids. He said when you live with that many kids and you're Brad Pitt, it has to be horrible. Howard said he's sitting home with the kids while Angelina is working. Howard said he's out on Long Island right now and taking care of the kids while Angelina is working on a movie.
Howard said Brad has to be sitting there thinking ''Oh my god...'' with all of the kids around. He said he'd love to see a ''real'' interview with Brad. He said he would like to do one himself with Brad so he could warn his fellow man about getting involved with someone like Angelina. The guys spent a couple more minutes talking about the Brad and Jennifer thing.
Robin read some news about Carrie Prejean and how she's able to keep her Miss California title. She had some audio of Donald Trump and Carrie herself talking about the whole incident. Howard said you have to hear her talking during this press conference. In the clip she talks about how she got dragged into the whole thing. She was obviously reading a speech that was written.
Howard said Trump was great when he said that it didn't mater what she said because she's a beautiful woman. Howard played some of that audio where Trump said that no one would have cared if she wasn't so beautiful. Trump said that's why people care so much about what these girls say, it's because they're totally beautiful. Howard said this just shows how shallow we are. He said he would never go to that girl for any kind of advice. Robin said that Carrie Prejean was on the Hannity show last night. She had some audio of that as well. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:25am, Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought that he kind of dropped the ball with Ron Howard today by not watching his movie even though he had a copy. Howard said he doesn't like to talk about the content of the movie with a guy like that. The caller said he would have liked to have heard more about Ron and Mel Gibson. Howard said he's sorry if he missed anything but he thought they covered quite a bit today. Artie said when that guy is in your life you end up googling ''restraining order.''
Robin had a story about the flight that crashed up in Buffalo a while back. They found that the pilots were under trained and the pilot had failed some tests for deicing and things like that. Robin said they also disobeyed some rules about what to talk about in the cockpit when they were landing. The pilot and co-pilot were flirting instead of just talking about the landing.
Howard said that the most important things when you fly are to land and take off. Robin said they weren't landing, they were on auto pilot and they were talking about the ice build up and they screwed things up when they took over the controls and changed the attitude of the nose of the plane which was the wrong thing to do. Howard said he read that the co-pilot had just gotten off a red-eye flight too and she didn't have much sleep.
Robin had a story about restaurant food having an unhealthy serving of salt in it. Robin said that's why she pays so much attention to salt intake. Robin said they say that one Red Lobster meal contains 3 days worth of salt.
Howard said he went to dinner with Robin one time and the worst thing happened, the Pumpkin soup had salt in it. He said it was the worst thing in the world. Artie said he had a buddy who worked at Red Lobster who made $28 in tips for working 14 hours. Howard joked about Robin's salt intake and how she avoided that tiny amount of salt. Robin said that salt makes her irritable and they don't want that. Fred, as Jim Florentine, said the reason they broke up was because his loads were too salty.
Robin read a story about a guy who had choked his 14 year old daughter to death and she was pregnant at the time. It turned out that the baby was his.
Howard said he liked that the guys in the baseball booth thought that Gary had faked that pitch at the Mets game. Artie said he liked their reactions that sounded like that wrestler Golddust who has the fake Tourette's. He said they need to rerun that Golddust interview on Howard TV to show how that guy committed to that fake Tourette's thing.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin writing a book about her run for Vice President. Artie asked if the title of the book is going to be ''How to lose an election.''
Robin read some news about this soldier who gunned down some of his fellow soldiers on Monday. She said that he shot 5 other soldiers to death in a clinic.
Robin read that the Cannes Film Festival is this week. She said that it's the 62nd year of that. Howard said he was there for Private Parts and it was insane. Artie said his movie ''Beer League'' was shown over there too.
Howard talked about how they had this giant balloon of him in Cannes and they ended up shooting it down. He said they thought it was offensive and shot it down. Howard said he's glad they shot it down. He thought it was kind of cool but it was embarrassing. Howard said he was all excited to see it and then he got to the festival and they told him that it had been shot down.
Howard said he got to go to a movie theater in France to see his movie and it was kind of cool. He said they were digging the movie.
Robin read about the Maxim list of hottest women. Howard said they have Michelle Obama on that list and she's really not all that hot. She's very good looking for a First Lady but she's not that hot. Robin read some of the other people on the list and he didn't think that Rihanna belonged at number 8. Howard said she is pretty but she has big legs and hips and she's not the hottest. He said that Eliza Dushku isn't the hottest chick either. He said her face isn't perfect even though she is very beautiful. Mila Kunis was also on the list and Artie said that she has like the prettiest face ever.
Howard said the girl that was at number 1 was Olivia Wilde. Howard said she's on that show ''House.'' Artie asked how they can't know who she is then. Howard said Megan Fox is one sexy girl. She was up near the top too. Artie said that Olivia chick is hot. He thought he remembered who she was.
Robin had a picture of Cher in some weird outfit. Howard said she doesn't belong in that. Artie said he would still like to fuck her. He doesn't care. Howard said she's like a pantyless granny now. Howard said she's trying to dress like she did 20 years ago and it's just not there anymore. Howard said someone needs to sit her down and tell her she's an icon and she shouldn't be out there doing that now.
Robin read a couple of other things in the news that led to them talking about the Mike Tyson movie. Artie said he should go see that instead of Star Trek today. He got into his Tyson impression and goofed on him for a short time.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot himself after burying himself in dirt. She said that the guy had killed some people but actually buried himself before doing it. Robin had some audio of a police chief talking about that case. Robin said the guy had shot his wife and two of her friends. The guy was found about a week after he shot himself.
Robin read about the Space Shuttle going up to work on the Hubble telescope. Robin said that they've noticed some damage to the shuttle after it reached orbit. Robin said there's a lot of junk up there and it may have been damaged by some of that. Robin had some audio of the guys at NASA talking about the damage they saw and how they're going to asses the damage and possibly launch another one to rescue them if they need to.
Robin said the new Star Trek movie broke a record. She said that the per-screen take was very high and the Imax theaters made really big money on that movie. Howard said he's not even sure what the Imax movie theaters are other than a really big screen. Howard said he saw the latest Batman in one of those theaters and thought it was cool.
Robin read about the new ''Angels and Demons'' movie and had audio of Ayelet Zurer, one of the actresses from the movie, talking about how great Ron was to work with. Artie said that clip makes you wonder how the interviewer was able to hold the microphone while he was sleeping.
Artie got into his Mike Tyson impression again and Fred played the press conference that he was imitating. Robin had some audio clips of one of the guys in Star Trek talking about working in that movie.
Robin also brought up American Idol and talked about the season finale that's on tonight. Howard and Robin talked about who they think is going to win. Howard said the winner will be Adam Lambert. Robin wasn't sure about that. She said the guy with the glasses was pretty good too. Robin had some audio of Danny talking about being on the show and what he's had to do this season to make himself stand out. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am
Jon said Ron did some light comedies in the beginning but now he's doing much heavier stuff. Gary said Rob Reiner and Penny Marshall haven't sustained the careers that Ron has. He said they all started directing when they came out of acting in the 70s.
Gary said Ron was in a lot of stuff when he was a kid and he was a huge star back then. He said he's not sure that there's anyone who has come out of that world and has stayed successful like Ron has.
Jon said Jon seems to be a pretty grounded guy. Gary said the stories he reads are usually about people being a dick to Ron and not the other way around.
Jon said Ron is successful on all levels with his directing, his production company and all of that. Gary asked if there's anything that gets by him that he doesn't know about. Jon said they kind of talked about that and Ron said he and Brian Grazer trust each other with what they put out.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks there's a competition going on between Ron and his daughter. Gary said he probably wants his daughter to do well but he did answer he question well when he said he gets a piece of the money from the movie and his daughter doesn't.
Will Murray came in so Jon asked him if he's a Ron Howard fan. Will said he was and he liked Happy Days. Benjy said he was disappointed at the end of the interview when he didn't say hi to everyone in the studio. He only said hi to Artie, Howard and Robin. Benjy was ignored. Jon said Ron waved to Fred. Benjy said he hates that and he was thinking it was his hat that he didn't like so maybe that's why he ignored him.
Gary read some of the movies that Ron has been involved with and talked about the stuff he and Jon did and didn't like.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he feels for Gary after that pitch. He said he thinks that people should lay off of him. He said Gary is a good guy and he shouldn't worry so much about that. The guy said he liked hearing about Ron Howard's life today too.
The caller also had a suggestion about another guy, David Simon, that they should have on and it was the guy who directed The Wire and a new series for HBO. Gary said Howard doesn't watch The Wire and he won't know who the guy is so it might not work for the show.
Another caller said he thought the interview could have been better but Howard, Robin and Artie were all talking over Ron. He said they were interrupting him a lot and kind of ruined some of the interview.
Gary said that this caller sounds a lot like Hate Man. The caller said he didn't know if that was a compliment or not. Benjy asked him to say the N-word over and over again. Gary told the guy not to do that. The caller didn't want to do it anyway.
Another caller said it seemed that Artie was auditioning for Ron Howard today. He thought it was pretty blatant. The guy wondered if they noticed that as well. Gary said he doesn't think he was auditioning. He said that Artie is back on track and more alert lately and he's ready to do whatever he has to for the show and he might be a little more talkative since he got off the stuff that was making him less talkative. Jon said Artie has been more animated lately because he's off the drugs.
Will didn't think Artie was telling more jokes than he would have just because it was Ron Howard. The caller said that is Artie's job but there are times when he interrupts the flow that Howard is having. The guy said Artie will scream his first two lines and then they have to listen to his story.
Gary said it sounds like this caller isn't a fan of Artie's and if that's the case he's never going to be a fan. The caller said he thought Artie was great when he started on the show but things have changed with him. He said he doesn't like dishonest people and liars and that's what Artie is. He said Artie was blatantly lying to people and he lost all respect for him. He feels sad for the guy.
Jon thanked that guy and let him go. He took a call from another guy who said he's a big Artie fan but when Artie does coke he gets more animated. He thinks it's time for a drug test. Gary said he knows that Artie is taking drug tests and he's pretty sure he's not on anything. He said Artie is off of everything and that energy might be mistaken for other things.
Jon got back to Ron Howard and asked what they thought of Ron not letting his kids act when they were young. Gary said he agrees with that. He said it's an odd way to raise kids in acting and take them out to take constant rejection.
Will said he liked the explanation Ron had about it and how he and his wife didn't have time to walk their kids through the process like his father did with him. He said that Ron did the right thing. Gary said it's working with Bryce because she's doing fine as an actress now and she didn't act as a kid. Jon asked Gary if it stung when Ron said his pitch was girly. Gary said it did sting a bit.
The guys were talking about who they would choose to be, Ron Howard or Scott Baio, like Howard had earlier. They were going back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Ralph called in and said that they assume a lot of stuff about Scott Baio and they don't really know what his personal life is really like. He said banging hot chicks all the time isn't that bad of a thing to do. Ralph said that there are plenty of people who are getting laid all the time and you just don't know their names.
Ralph said that Ron Howard may not have any sex drive and it's just weird to have one woman. Ralph said that's crazy. Jon said he might be satisfied with that. Ralph said that's weird.
Ralph said he put his coffee cup down for like a second one day and came back to find Beth moving it because Bianca was getting into it. He said that's the kind of stuff that happens when he's there. Gary said that Ralph falling asleep in the hammock and puking in bed are the things that Howard gets upset with.
Ralph said Howard has a lot of rules and you have to abide by them. He said he has fun when he goes out there but Howard doesn't. He said he has more fun than Howard does in his own house.
Benjy asked if Ralph and Howard have a good relationship or is it something that's at arm's length. Ralph said he can count on Howard for just about anything and they're pretty close. Gary said Howard asked him to speak at his wedding so he has to be pretty close.
Ralph said things just don't work out with Howard so he's going to avoid going out to his house. He's not sure he'd even try again if Howard asked him out there. Ralph said he's too embarrassed about what happened with the vomit thing out there last year.
Gary said there will be rules at Artie's house too. He said he can't show up and smoke a joint there. Ralph asked if that's really the case. He said that you can't live your life like that. The guys had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that whole thing started when the caller said that Howard and Beth might be an odd couple. Gary said Howard might be right when he takes that as jealousy. Ralph said that you have to just let that roll off your back and not let it get to you.
Jon asked Ralph about the scotch tape on Howard's pants. Ralph said it was a McGyver fix that he forgot to finish. He said he blew it and needed another tool to fix it. Ralph said he's going to call the guy who made the pants and go off on him.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the John Lennon discussions they had today. He said that he disagrees with the guy who wrote in about how Lennon would have been behind the terrorists. the guy said he thinks John and Yoko would have been down at the trade center collapse helping out if John was still around. The guy was going on and on so Ralph started snoring. Jon had to cut the guy off. He thanked Ralph for the DVD commentary.
Jon brought up Ham Hands Bill and if Gary thought he had any chance of getting in there for the pageant. Gary said Howard was on the fence about it. Gary said after they played his song and poem they realized it might not work. He said he doesn't blame Bill for anything, he just doesn't know where that line is. He said they'll bring him in for something where there is no line.
Benjy asked if they were really that creeped out by it. Gary and Jon said that they were because the interns are college age and they didn't come there to be talked about the way Bill would talk about them. Benjy didn't seem to be that creeped out by it because that's what Bill does all the time. Jon said that's part of what makes it so funny when he does the creepy stuff. Will agreed that he shouldn't be there for that but he will be in for the Playboy thing. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show trying to figure out the name of the company he works with. He went on to talk about the big Intern Beauty Pageant they had coming up. He said all of the contestants were working on their personality and talents for the show.
Howard said he didn't know where to begin this morning. He usually listens to audio clips when he gets there first thing. Then he starts erupting when he hears Jay Leno talking to Ellen Degeneres on her show. Howard said he's really sick of Jay. He said he's such a goody two-shoes. He said Jay was talking about how he was doing his show with a 102 degree fever and talking about how he's this everyday working journeyman.
Howard said Jay was talking about the transition between his show and Conan's show. Howard said no one cares about that. Howard said that's a bunch of bullshit because Johnny Carson hated Jay and wouldn't mention him on his final show.
Howard said Jay is as ruthless as a human being can be. He said everything has to bother that guy and he's full of it when he says it doesn't. Howard played some audio clips of Jay talking to Ellen on her show and talking about how he thinks he got the Tonight Show over David Letterman. Howard pointed out that there was a lot of lying in that whole deal and he screwed Letterman over.
Howard listened to Jay talking about the new show he's going to have on NBC and what he'll be doing with that. Jay said they'll have a lot of surprises for his show but didn't want to mention them. Howard said that means he has no surprises.
Howard and the guys goofed on Ellen for asking Jay if he was going to dance on his show. Artie said she thinks she innovated that on her show. Howard said her dancing doesn't even look joyous when she does it. Artie said he sees housewives laughing at that like it's funny. Robin said if she had big red shoes and a big red nose on she'd get laughs from those people too.
Eric said things went well and he spoke to Robert and some other casting people he had him meet. Artie said that should go on Howard's resume that he got a huge ABC exec to have a meeting with Eric.
JD heard that Eric was hanging outside a tattoo parlor handing out tattoo balm to people. Howard tried to understand what JD was saying and goofed on him for a minute.
Eric said he wasn't outside of a place doing that. Eric said he was going around the streets of Beverly Hills handing out the balm. JD didn't have the information correct. Eric said that company sponsored the trip to L.A. Eric said it was Rocco's Old School Tattoo Balm.
Howard asked if they paid for the trip down there. Eric said they didn't give him money, they paid for his trip down there. Robin told Eric he was an asshole. Howard said they did pay him to go down there. Howard said Eric was making him crazy saying he didn't get paid to do that. Eric said he wasn't handed money, that's what he meant.
Howard said he heard from Robert Mills about this whole meeting and about the shows he has coming up. Robert has a new Bachelorette show coming out and he's not digging the chick they picked but he'll watch it anyway. Howard went on to say that Robert told him they had a nice meeting and Eric requested a part as a doctor or patient on Grey's Anatomy.
Howard said Eric claims that he can make the lines sound legitimate because he's been around doctors his whole life. Howard said they're going to keep Eric in mind for the show according to Robert. Howard said Eric also met with a casting director. She's casting the next season of Big Brother. Howard said Eric would be amazing on that but he may have blown the audition when he got tongue tied. Eric may have clammed up because the woman was very beautiful.
Eric said he thought he was talking to her alright. Howard said Robert told him he wasn't showing the personality he shows on the show. Robin said people don't know how much they have to work to get him to have a personality.
Eric said he wouldn't have minded having a part on that show. Howard said that's the personality they were looking for. He and Fred did impressions of Eric saying very little. Artie wasn't familiar with the Big Brother show. Howard told him a little about it and neither of them had ever really watched it.
Howard said Robert told him that Eric had a hard time talking so he may have blown it for that show. Howard told Eric that Robert would have liked to have seen him talk a little more. Robin asked if he was waiting for them to bring the ideas to him.
Howard said one of the good things is that Eric agreed to fly with balloons to promote the movie ''Up.'' Robin couldn't believe he was going to do that. Eric said he didn't completely agree to do it yet. He's just in talks with them. Howard said Eric is in talks with the Disney people over that. Howard said he'd be fine with it. He doesn't care who gets him to do it as long as he flies with balloons.
Howard said it would be funny to see Eric fly over the Empire State Building. He said that they're also working on getting him in High School Musical 4.
Howard said Robert was also saying that they were working on a new show for Gary called ''Extreme Makeover Pitching Edition.
Howard said things must have gone pretty well because there are people thinking about Eric over at ABC. Robin said they should do a Wack Pack Big Brother show. Howard said they actually had one of those reality things set up for Howard TV and they never really made it happen. Howard said they thought about doing something where they were going to pick a ''head dope'' instead of Pope. They weren't able to do it for various reasons though.
Howard asked Eric if he had lunch with Robert. Eric said he got there on time at 10:30 in the morning and talked to Robert. He said he talked to someone from the casting department after that. He said that lasted under an hour. Eric said he didn't have lunch with Robert.
Howard asked Eric who was there with him. Eric said Johnny Fratto and Heather Carrington were there as well as his roommate. Eric said Heather is his agent pretty much. Howard said they should have taped that whole thing. Artie did his Johnny impression and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard asked if Robert Mills was a handsome man. Eric said he had a sport coat on and nice pants. Howard was trying to find out if he was a good looking man. Eric said that they had their meeting in a conference room. Howard asked if he was wearing jeans. Eric said he may have been. He was wearing a sports jacket with a t-shirt on. He said the guy had hair too. Howard said he pictured him with hair for some reason.
Howard asked if Johnny Fratto was quiet during the meeting. Eric said he didn't pitch anything for himself. Eric said Johnny did some of the talking but he did some too. Howard said Johnny will probably end up on Big Brother.
Gary came in and said he got a note about Eric driving all over Beverly Hills yesterday and he was in a child's car. Howard checked out the picture Gary had and he was driving in a fake Escalade giving away that Rocco's stuff. Eric said he thought they were going to give him a full sized Escalade but it turned out to be the small one.
The guys talked about how lucky Eric is with all of this stuff. Howard said he had to get going after Eric said that Johnny might be calling in to talk about this. Howard told him he didn't have time to do that. Robin said that Eric is going to get a job out of this and he won't credit Howard at all. She said she knows that's what's going to happen. Howard asked if that's what's going to happen. Eric made a joke about Artie knowing about bombs since he did ''Beer League.''
Eric said he didn't know if he was going to forget Howard. Robin said that means he will forget him. Howard couldn't believe he was hearing that. Howard asked him if he would thank him of he won some kind of award. Eric said he would but Artie didn't believe that. Artie said he would thank everyone except Howard.
Howard asked Eric to role play with him. He told him to pretend that he was nominated for an Emmy and that he was going up on stage to accept his award. Eric did that and thanked the people that got him the start in the business and mentioned Howard's name. He thanked Howard, Robert Mills and... Artie cut him off saying that they had to play him off at that point. Howard wanted to hear more of the speech. Eric said that he had to thank Heather Carrington, his parents and God. God? Artie asked him if he believes that there really is a god that would make Eric the way he was.
Howard said it's inspirational to hear Eric saying he believes in God. He asked Eric why he believes that there is one. Eric said he can't make them all look the same. He said that would be boring and pointless. Howard said he doesn't think God would care about boredom. Howard said he made Eric completely different. Fred said he could have just given Eric freckles.
Howard said he thinks that Eric was told this over and over as a kid. He said his parents probably told him that he was different because God made him different.
Howard said it would be great if everyone that was there with Eric got shows and Eric didn't. Artie said that Eric would still rule the JFSC though.
Howard asked if they called Eric ''Eric the Midget'' or ''Eric the Actor.'' Eric said they were calking him Eric the Actor. That led to Fred playing a bunch of the ''Eric the...'' clips where he was calling himself different names. Howard thanked him for the call and let Eric go a short time later.
Howard said that they have the Intern Beauty Pageant coming up today and Greg Fitzsimmons will be stopping by as well.
Howard said he was reading about how one of the family members who owns 1-800-MATTRESS was killed and they think her son may have done it. Howard said they've been a sponsor of the show for a really long time. Howard said that the wife of the guy who runs the place was the one who was killed. Howard read that article and talked about how shocking that was.
Howard also found out that they went bankrupt in March. He didn't know that. He and Robin also talked about the other son that had died in a drowning. Howard said he didn't even know they had another son. The guy was 38 years old and had some kind of mental illness according to the report. Howard said he had met with the guy who started the company and he was a really great guy. Howard said he was known as ''Nap'' (Napoleon) and he was in the sleeping business so that was kind of interesting.
Howard asked what happens when you call 800-MATTRESS now. He said he always called them when he needed a mattress. Gary said he called the number and it was still working. Howard said they must have reorganized or something.
Howard said he had no idea and the story was kind of sad. Howard said he had a lot of meetings with that family. Maybe too many. Howard said that's the bad part of the radio business. Howard said he tries to do the best commercial he can but he used to have to meet with the advertisers a couple of times a year. Howard said it was never anything new and he would just ask them to write it down on paper and he'd read it. They didn't need to meet with him.
Howard said he put up with that nonsense for a while and then asked to stop the meetings. Then the sponsors got upset thinking that he didn't want them to succeed. Howard said of course he wanted them to succeed but he didn't have to have meeting after meeting with them. Howard said they would lay that guilt trip on him that he was controversial so it was harder to get advertisers. Howard said that wasn't the case at K-Rock because they were booking 26 minutes of commercials an hour. Howard said he would have preferred if some of them had gone away back then.
Howard said he used to have people ask him to be their ad guy outside of the radio show but he would just tell them to call the radio station and he'd do a live commercial. Gary said the Mattress people once gave Howard a mattress cut away as a gift. Howard said they really didn't have to do that.
Gary said they had to convince Tom Chiusano that Howard wasn't just a local radio guy. They had a tough time doing that. Gary said he once asked if the 800-MATTRESS people had any new innovations in the mattress industry since their last meeting. Of course they hadn't.
Howard said he should have just said no to them when he asked to do those meetings. Howard said he did a good job with the commercials and he's not sure what he was thinking. Howard said they made him feel he had no power there but he could have been a huge diva there. He said they've gone through so many problems over there since he left he now knows that he could have acted like a prick.
Howard said he always tried not to be an asshole and tried to be the team player but that meant that he was used. He said he sees that clearly now and he won't have those meetings. Artie brought up the Sphincterine meeting he had to have one time. Howard said Tom told him he had to have this meeting out in Las Vegas one time and it was only going to be an hour. Howard said he went and it turned out it was the one guy who ran Sphincterine. He said he had to stand there and meet with the guy that day for an hour. Howard said he was there with Tom meeting with a guy who had created this Sphincterine stuff.
Gary told Howard they had a client meeting a couple of years before they left K-Rock and it got so ugly that they almost came to blows. Gary said the guy wanted to have a meeting with Howard and he said he wasn't going to go in there and talk to the guy about what Howard could do. Gary said the guy ended up talking to him about what a jerk Howard was for not meeting with him. Gary wanted to punch the guy but he had to sit there and take it because he had to.
Howard said he had to sit down and meet with Roselli Movers. He said they just move people with a good price and he had to sit and meet with them. Gary said one year they had Mrs. Roselli come to Howard's birthday party to meet. Howard said that was a big thrill. He was being sarcastic when he said that.
Howard said he used to have meetings on a boat with these sponsors. He said he put a stop to that. Howard said they knew how much he hated being around those people and they put him on this boat so he couldn't get away.
Gary said the clients would get so drunk on those trips. They'd be out for four hours and the sponsors were all drinking. They would circle Manhattan 4 times and they'd be out getting smashed. Howard said they would pitch stuff to him when they were drunk and it was really awful.
Howard said he's mad at himself for going along with that. Gary said they used to stand on the upper deck and watch Howard going from person to person. Artie asked how many times Howard had to do that cruise. Gary said they did that like 5 or 6 times.
Howard said they had some crazy clients who would ask him to feel up women's tits and stuff like that. Howard said he was kind of uncomfortable with that stuff. They had another sponsor who did this hair restoration thing and they'd rub cream on Scott's head and used this suction cup to suck your head. They used to demonstrate on Scott.
Gary said they had another quarterly meeting thing with Nutri-System. Howard said they used to say they wouldn't take up a lot of his time but they'd spend a full hour telling him about the new food they had. Howard said he had to tell them he loved that kind of food and he would be able to talk about it on the air. He said he would tell them that they did a terrific job inventing all of that stuff. He said it was ludicrous. Howard said it was a nightmare being in terrestrial radio.
Howard said that the thing was that he had to get listeners or he would have been out of there. Howard said he wanted to be free of that but Tom didn't want to help him out. He said it was a waste of his valuable time and they would never do that to a Johnny Carson.
Howard said they saw him as a piece of garbage over there and the whole industry thinks that he's garbage. They hated him. They might understand him now that he's left and no one can get ratings of more than a 2 share.
Artie said he did The Norm Show years ago and they got the lowest ratings in the business and they were still treated better there than they were at K-Rock. Artie said he came to the Stern Show and wasn't even able to get a water. Paul McCartney came on the show one time and even he wasn't able to get a water.
Gary said he had a guy ask him what kind of set up they had there. Gary said he had to tell them that they had no set up at K-Rock.
Gary said if they have a guest of note they'll get some food. Gary said he had to buy some food for Hugh Jackman the other day. Gary said they were going to cater them with food from Nobu but that never went anywhere.
Johnny said he was the one who promised him the Escalade and that's what he got him. It was a tiny one but it was an Escalade.
Howard said he heard that Eric didn't show off his personality. Johnny said he was kind of nervous but he did say some things that shocked him. He thought they were kind of brilliant. Johnny said Eric was asked what shows he would fit in. He mentioned Grey's Anatomy and The Practice.
Howard said he predicts that Johnny will get a show out of this and Eric will get nothing. Johnny said they filmed Eric driving around Beverly Hills and he wanted to send that to Howard TV. Johnny said he had some bad experiences with that tiny Escalade he was driving. Johnny said he looked like he was driving a car and even drove it in the street a little bit.
Johnny talked about how Eric was doing donuts as he was going down a hill in that thing. Howard said they'll put that on Howard TV. He put Johnny on hold and said he'd get Doug Goodstein to talk to him about that.
Howard said they put Eric in a toy car and Johnny had promised him a Cadillac Escalade and it was a toy car. They had him driving around in that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and jokingly said that he had written that song with Clapton. He told the story about how he told Eric about how he wanted to get ''laid a lot'' and he heard it as ''Layla.''
Artie said at the start of that song Clapton tells everyone to try and spot what song it was. The crowd cheers when they hear what song it is.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa is going to be going on a date this weekend with the guy she met on the Lisa Lampanelli show on Monday night. Lisa said the date is on Saturday afternoon. She said he works as an anchorman in radio and TV so he's very busy. She said that she's not going to be there on Friday night so she can't go out then. She's going to her sister's birthday. Howard said maybe her sister would understand. She said she can't bring a stranger to the party.
Howard asked Lisa who suggested the afternoon. She said he did. They're going to go to lunch. Howard asked where she's going. Lisa said the guy picked a place. She said they're going to meet there. She said she had never heard of the place.
Lisa asked Howard what his first date was with Beth. Howard said he didn't know what that would be. Howard said he must have been out of his mind back then. He said he was uptight about going out and he had her over to his place. Howard said he didn't want to go out in public since it was shortly after his divorce. Howard said they hung out at his place and they must have gone out somewhere.
Howard said he met Beth out at Mercer Kitchen. Howard said he had never been to it before that. Howard said some rich kid was having a party for himself that night. Howard said he was engaged to a beautiful model. Ralph had told him that there must be hot chicks there and that's where Beth was. Howard said they had actually set her up with another guy that night and he lost out. Howard said he had no idea that he had stolen her away.
Ralph was there so he came in and talked about that night. Howard said Ralph has good moves and he was the one who spoke to Beth first. He managed to get to her side somehow. Howard said Ralph got right in there and figured that he was going to have a good night. Howard said Beth told him she thought Ralph was gay when she met him. She had no interest in him that night.
Howard said Beth thought Ralph was going to be a fun guy to go shopping with. Ralph said he is fun to shop with. Howard said there has never been any weirdness between him and Ralph other than between them when he found Beth. Howard said Ralph told him that he kind of stole his girlfriend. Ralph said that's not the way it went.
Ralph told the story about how Howard swooped in and didn't even ask if he was trying to pick her up. Robin and Artie didn't get why he'd be upset. Ralph said Howard kind of disrespected him and just went with the chick without knowing the rules.
Howard said he would never cock block Ralph. He said Beth was the one who started feeding him and told him he had nice eyes. Ralph said she said that to him too. Howard said she did not. Ralph laughed. Howard said that he would never steal a chick from a guy. He said he wouldn't insert himself if he thought he was hitting on her.
Howard said he was amazed that a chick like that was even into him. He said he had no idea that she was Ralph's that night. They also talked about Cabbie being there that night. Ralph got to hang out with him instead of Beth that night.
Ralph said he just found out that Lisa doesn't own any high heels. Lisa said that the highest she has are about 2 or 3 inches. Ralph said that's not cool and she should have high heels. Lisa said that she has flat feet so that's why she doesn't wear heels. Lisa said that she could wear high heels but she can't walk in them. She said she can't go for a walk in the park in them.
Howard said if it was important to Lisa then she would be able to walk in them. Lisa said that Cloris Leachman actually wore heels higher than she can. Howard asked if her feet ache. Lisa said she has no arch in her feet and they just hurt when she tries to walk in them.
Howard said Beth might be flat footed but she can walk in heels. Howard said she broke her ankle and she still wore heels with the broken ankle.
Gary said that a woman who doesn't own heels is a woman who isn't into sex. Howard agreed with him on that. The guys talked about how good looking Lisa is but told her that she needs to be more of a woman.
Howard asked Lisa about her date and found out that she got a new dress just for that. Lisa said they're all asking her to be something that she's not. She said she thinks she's in great shape but she doesn't want to get all of this stuff they want her to. Artie said they just want her to be a broad.
Howard told Lisa go to shopping with Beth and she'll help her find some stuff. She doesn't have to dress like a slut. Artie said it might help.
Lisa said she likes women who have style and that's what she would like to have when she goes out. She said her sister wants to take her out shopping.
Ralph asked Lisa how she made it where she is without knowing how to dress hot. Howard asked Lisa about this date and said that she should put on a pair of heels and learn to walk in them. Howard said he's sure she could learn how to do it. Howard said she might have the start of something big happening there. Lisa said she did get the new dress.
Howard told Lisa that they can get Beth and Artie's sister Stacy to go out shopping. Ralph could even go along and they could all find something for her. Howard said Beth might be too busy with her book to go out though. Artie said Stacy is busy in Hong Kong so she may not be available either.
Lisa got to her news preview and she said she spoke to the guy who took the photo at Kent State that they were talking about the other day. Lisa said he told her about what Howard was doing keeping that memory alive was great. Howard said all he did was listen to music. He also told his daughter hat the song ''Ohio'' was about so he is keeping it alive like that.
Lisa said she spoke to Gary's wife, Mary, about his pitch. Mary said that she said Gary hasn't exercised in over 2 years so it's not surprising that he couldn't pitch. Howard said Mary is upset with Gary for not exercising. He said that's not that surprising.
Lisa said Mary was upset about Gary was so upset that he ruined her Mother's day. She had to serve him instead of the other way around. Artie said Gary can serve her on Father's day then and who cares?
Lisa also said that Gary, Jon and Artie are going to be on the NFL channel tomorrow. Howard had to move on to the Intern Beauty Pageant so he had to take a break first.
Howard came back and said that was the second day in a row that Joe was played. He said they haven't done this Intern Beauty Pageant in a long time. Robin said she heard it was 4 years. Howard said he's not sure why that is.
Howard said he had the judges sitting there so he was going to introduce them. They had an announcer clip set up to introduce Howard first. After that Howard said that this is going to be a big beauty pageant. The first place winner gets $2,500 and a trip to Vegas thanks to Vegas.com. Howard said they also have some jewelry from Steven Singer Jewelers for the winner.
Howard introduced King of All Blacks first and played the announcer clip for him. That clip said that King is the street sweeper that lives like Bernie Madoff. Howard asked King about how he can afford to live where he does. King said his father helps out. Howard asked if that embarrasses him at all. King said it doesn't at all and he's 43 years old.
King said his sink clogged up and he asked his father if he could borrow $500 to get it fixed. He just never has to worry about paying it back. Ronnie was going off on him saying that he had grown bigger boobs than the interns even have. Artie said he'd better not have bigger ones than the interns.
King said that Ronnie was angry this morning asking him what the fuck was up. He said he's not sure why he's so angry. Howard said he's not sure either and you'd think a guy who went from driving a limo to doing security and meeting cool people all the time would be less angry.
King was saying Ronnie's hair is getting very thin. Ronnie said he still has hair though. king didn't like his watch either. He didn't like the yellow gold he was wearing either. He called it ''junk man yellow gold.'' Ronnie said he had white and gold. King said that was even worse to have it mixed.
King was goofing on Ronnie's watch and the chain he was wearing saying that it was from 1987. King was also saying that his chain is much nicer than Ronnie's. He was wearing a Rolex too so Ronnie said his father probably bought that for him.
Howard said Ronnie's bracelet is kind of bad. King asked him why he would even think to put that thing on. He was goofing on Ronnie about that but Ronnie said he doesn't wear much jewelry like King does. He wears one thing.
King was making fun of the bracelet that Ronnie had on and said that it was probably worth only about $350. Ronnie said he doesn't have to be a ''boogie'' like King is. King said he knew that was coming. Howard asked what that even meant. King said that was worse than the N-word. Howard said it must be worse than using the N-word. Ronnie said it's not. He said he heard that word on TV.
Howard asked if he meant ''bougie'' or something. Ronnie wasn't even sure. Howard said he thought that was Ronnie's racism coming out. Ronnie said it was.
Howard asked King about Ronnie's glasses and what he thought about them. King said he wear's Gucci glasses. King also said he has a Louis Vuitton wallet. He wanted to see Ronnie's wallet. Ronnie said he doesn't carry one. He said he just puts that stuff in his pocket. King said that Ronnie's wallet is probably so old that it turned from leather into suede.
Howard asked King if he thinks that someone should spend more money on one thing than a bunch of things for less money. King said Ronnie shouldn't have gotten that bracelet because it's the worst one. King said he wouldn't wear that bracelet if someone gave it to him. He said he would probably pawn it or sell it.
Howard asked King about Ronnie's beard too. King said it's too heavy. Ronnie said he didn't need this bullshit and he would walk right out of there if he had to sit there and listen to that. King was goofing on his shirt too. He was wearing a blue t-shirt under his blue collared shirt. King made fun of that for a short time. He also wanted to see what kind of suit he was wearing. It was a Macy's Ralph Lauren suit. King said it was Ralph Lauren and it wasn't the ''good line'' of Lauren's stuff. He also told Ronnie to take out the Macy's tag.
Ronnie said he didn't care what the suit said inside. He said that he really didn't give a shit. King said he could have had a nicer suit for not that much more money. King said people will look at that label and they will see it's from Macy's. Ronnie said he doesn't care. King cared a little too much.
Ronnie and King went back and forth arguing about all of that for a few minutes. King insisted the suit was itchy but Ronnie said it wasn't. Ronnie kept saying he didn't care about any of that.
king was also saying he knows Ronnie has a young girlfriend so he must have some money. Ronnie told him he doesn't know what he has.
Howard said he thinks King is getting through to Ronnie and he will go to get a nicer suit now. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit. King told Ronnie he should go to Barney's and not Macy's for a suit. Ronnie told him it's all the same shit. Howard told Ronnie King was right and he didn't need to be that defensive.
Howard said for suits he should go to Barney's. Ronnie said he won't go there. He's going to keep going to Macy's. He's been going there for years. King said Ronnie should be mad at Macy's for selling him that suit. He was telling Ronnie he should wear a turtleneck instead of the t-shirts. Ronnie said he gets yelled at if he does that.
Ronnie had King feel his suit so he could see it wasn't itchy. Ronnie was also goofing on King about being fat. King was goofing on Ronnie about what he must have paid for those suits of his. Ralph said he has to jump in and defend Ronnie. He said that King stinks today with the cologne and he really shouldn't be goofing on Ronnie about the clothing thing because he's probably bought stuff from Macy's as well. Ronnie told King that he should get some Mambo instead of that shit he was wearing today.
Howard asked what kind of sneakers they should be wearing. King said it should be Nike air's and things like that. Ralph said he was wearing Adidas sneakers. King wasn't into them so much. King said he likes new shit. The guys asked king if he has any money in the bank. King said he has like 20-30,000 in the bank.
King just put new windows in his house yesterday. Howard asked what kind they were. King said this black guy got out of the truck and he wondered if the guy was going to work on his house. He didn't want him working on it. He said the guy might get jealous of what he has and break shit.
Howard asked what brand of window he got. King said he went to some lumber yard to get them and said that it was some Jewish lumber yard. Howard asked what kind of windows Ronnie has. Ronnie said they were Window Factory windows. King said you don't buy anything you see on commercials. You have to go underground and get that shit. He said you have to get those Wolfe ranges and appliances. He said that's hot. Ralph said he's never seen someone love expensive stuff like this guy.
King said his daughter is going to be on some Nickelodeon show. He said they just heard back from them yesterday and they want her to come in again. Howard checked out a picture of King's daughter. They said she was a cute kid.
Howard introduced Ralph next and tried to move on. He also introduced Ronnie the Limo Driver since he's an expert on the interns. Robin wondered why he was there. Ronnie asked her what her problem was. Robin said she was just asking.
Howard also heard that Dice Clay hit on Jessica. She said he did offer his number to her. She said she passed on it since he was older than her dad. Howard said he was shocked to see that she said Teddy was the cutest guy there. Howard said that's the guy who used to work for Artie. Jessica said that Teddy has a girlfriend so they can't date him.
Howard read that Jessica had lost her vision for 3 months in one eye because of the MS. She said that was pretty scary. Howard said she doesn't have much luck with guys either. She said she always meets assholes.
Howard asked Jessica about Ronnie and what she thinks about him. She said she talks with Ronnie. Ronnie asked her if she had a label in her dress and if it was a major brand. She told him to calm down with that.
Howard asked Jessica some questions about some various things to get an idea of what her personality was like. Howard asked her what the worst part of her internship was. She said logging the show was the worst. She said she had to cover the Lisa Lampanelli show and that was fun but the regular show can get kind of tedious. She said she has to log the Riley Martin Show and that was the worst.
Howard asked who the least favorite person was to work with there. She said she liked everyone and everyone was great to her. Howard asked who the grouchiest person is there. She said Ronnie is the one who is. She said she has to avoid him when he's in a bad mood.
Jessica had to do her talent portion and sang a version of ''Wonderwall'' with some unique lyrics in it. She sang to the judges and said that she might strip down for them and things like that.
King said that she wasn't too thin and looked good. Ralph asked her to spin around. Ronnie said he had never seen her in anything but jeans. He said she looked great in the dress and she should wear them more. Ronnie said she's like a whole different girl today.
Howard asked if they should judge now. Robin said they should judge but maybe not reveal the final score. Ralph wanted to give the final score at the end. Howard said he wanted to do it now.
King asked to see Jessica's feet. Howard told him that was too creepy. King said he just had sex with his wife's feet this morning. He said she was sleeping and he lifted the blanket up and had sex with her foot while she slept. Artie said he'll never eat again after hearing that.
King said his wife knows he was doing it and she wonders what the hell is wrong with him. He said he likes her feet stinky too and doesn't like them when they're clean. Jessica said that was creepy. Everyone said it was creepy.
Howard asked King for his score. King said he was going to give her a 9. He said she was kind of Lindsay Lohan looking. Ralph was up next and said she looked great and dressed well so he was going to give her an 8. Ronnie was up next and said he was shocked at how different she looked today. Ronnie gave her an 8 as well.
Howard asked her about Chevy Chase being mean to her. Amy said she had to have him sign a release when he was there one day and he wasn't very nice. She said that she asked him if he needed anything and he didn't even look at her or respond.
Amy said she also had B-Real from Cypress Hill hit on her in the elevator one day. Howard said he found it wild that she drank too much and passed out once. Ralph seemed to like that.
Howard asked her about her comments about not liking the Mexican people she worked with at a restaurant. She said that they're the creepiest people she's ever worked with. She said that they all hit on her even when she was dressed in a black shirt and black pants not even looking that good. Artie and King told her that's a compliment.
Howard asked Amy about punching her boyfriend. She said that they were in a fight and she got so angry that she just hit him.
Howard asked Amy if she wishes death on anyone. She said definitely not. Howard asked her who she would like to have sex with if they were famous. She said John Stamos would probably be the one. She met him when he was there one day. Howard asked her what she thinks is the most important invention is in the last century. She said it was the internet.
Howard asked Amy to perform her talent portion next. She did a bit of a rap song. She did that and sang to the judges. She sang about herself and about the favors she might do for them if they vote for her.
King gave her a 10. He didn't care about her personality, he was going by her looks alone. Howard asked Ralph for his score next. Ralph said he thinks Amy is very pretty and likes her hair. He gave her a 7 because her dress was kind of dumpy and he didn't like her as much as Jessica. He said her dress was nicer than Amy's. Ronnie said she's another one that came out of the closet from somewhere. He said that she never looks like that. Amy said that he should watch that ''out of the closet'' thing. Howard asked her if she had ever done a girl. She said she may have made out with one when she was drunk but that's it. Ronnie gave her an 8 as a score.
Howard asked her about the Norm story. Brittany said she was downstairs getting something to drink and Norm stopped her and asked her how she was doing. She said she was talking to him and Norm asked her what she was doing outside of the show and stuff. Howard said norm never asks any of the guys about what they do. Brittany said Norm is amazing but he might be too old for her.
Howard said Brittany loves to have sex in cars. She said she lost her virginity in one. Howard asked if she talks to her parents about that. She said that she doesn't tell them about that stuff. Howard asked if she's into girls too. She said she's only into dick.
Howard asked her about trashing her dorm room. Brittany said she went up to party in a room one night and the R.A. took their beer and she got drunk on Vodka and ended up trashing the room and flooded the whole second floor. She did $5,000 worth of damage but they didn't know it was her.
Howard asked Brittany about how Reggie Jackson dissed her. She said they paid like $60 for his autograph and when they went up to him she tried to shake his hand and he said the line was long and he had to move it along. She said he wouldn't shake her hand.
Howard asked Brittany about what the worst part of the intern show was. She said it was the logging of the shows. She said it was never ending. Brittany said the Riley show was the worst.
Howard asked if anyone there hit on her. Brittany said that no one did but Ronnie said that Casey the intern does. She said she's known him for like 5 years and it's not like that.
Howard had Casey come in. Casey said Ronnie is the worst and he makes it seem like he thinks she's his girlfriend. Casey said that he and Brittany are just friends. Howard asked if he would like to go out with her. Casey said she is beautiful. Howard told him that maybe he should muster up the courage to ask her out. Casey said he used to think like that but he knows where they stand now and he's not going there.
Ronnie said the way he talks about her and looks at her shows he's in love. Casey said they're really just friends.
Howard said Brittany was going to be playing a song for them with her guitar. She was going to play ''Hey Joe'' but her own version. She went into the song a short time later. She could actually play very well and sang ''Hey Judges'' instead of ''Hey Joe.'' She sang to them about the stuff they had talked about with her and to the judges about how they should vote for her.
Artie said he was in love with the broad after she jammed on the guitar at the end of the song. King was in love with her too. King said she's fine. He wanted to give her an 11 but had to go with a 10. He said she did it all right.
Casey's friend Ryan called in and said that Casey is definitely in love with this chick. He said Ronnie is right about him. Ronnie said he knows his shit. Brittany said that Casey has no shot with her and he's just a friend.
Ralph said that Brittany was great with her talent but her outfit wasn't that nice. He gave her a 7 as well. He said that Jessica is his benchmark and she's the one to beat.
Ronnie said that Brittany dresses sexy all the time. He said he sees her every day so he knows what she looks like. He said she shows her stuff every day. Ronnie gave her a 9.
Howard asked Margie about the things she was wearing and then asked about the virgin thing. She said she has done the oral thing but she hasn't found the right guy to lose her virginity to. Howard asked if she's attracted to any of the guys on the show. She said it was Howard, Fred and JD. Artie laughed and said that she really is a weirdo.
Ronnie said she has the major hots for JD. He said he watches what goes on there and he can tell. Howard said if JD knew that he would be beside himself. Ronnie said he knows. Howard asked her if JD is the kind of guy she would lose her virginity to. She said she doesn't really know him very well so she's not sure.
JD came in and he was apparently swaggering in. JD said he had heard rumblings about this and he can't do anything because she's an intern there. JD said that he will see what happens. He said they haven't talked about doing anything after she leaves. Howard said that Margie is single so maybe she will go out with JD.
Howard said he heard that Margie had seen her dead dog's paw print outside of the house one night 3 days after the dog passed away. Howard also said she almost lost all of her hair at one point in her life. She said she had hypothyroidism and almost lost all of her hair about 4 years ago. King said that Ronnie might have that too. Ronnie told him that was enough of that.
Margie said that she ended up taking Ambien and got addicted to that. She said that was a slow process. Howard said Margie's family is from Peru and her father learned to speak the language from listening to this show. She said that he heard Howard for the first time back at NBC and he didn't like what he heard. Margie said her father used to go on delivery jobs and all of the construction workers were tuned in so he was kind of forced to listen to it. She said he doesn't like Howard very much because he's very strict catholic.
Howard asked her what female celebrity she would like to have sex with. She said it would probably be Salma Hayek. Howard asked her what the most important invention of the last century was. She said it was the internet. Howard asked her what famous person she would like to have sex with. She said it would probably be Michael Cera, the guy from Juno. She said she'd like James Dean too but he is dead.
Howard had Margie perform her song. She sang about herself to the tune of ''Crazy Little Thing Called Love.'' She started to take off some of her clothes during that song. She kept her top on though. Howard said she stripped down to her bra.
Howard asked King for his vote. King said this was hard. He said she had a nice tan. He wasn't sure what score to give her. King eventually gave her a 7.
Howard asked Ralph for his score next. Ralph said he really liked her and that she was a virgin. He said she was hot and gave her an 8. He told her to change her name though. He said that Marge isn't a very hot name. Ronnie said that it's actually Margia.
Ronnie said Margie should have come in without the glasses on. He didn't like that. He gave her a score of 7.
Howard announced the second place winner prizes as well. They had some stuff for the other girls as well. Howard said they all get $500 cash and no one is a loser there today. Howard thanked the judges for coming in and wrapped up with King, Ronnie and Ralph.
Howard asked King for a number for Ronnie. King gave him a 0 for personality. He said he would give him some points for being a kind guy. King gave him a 7.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted to tell his Ralph story. Artie said that this was his fault. He said that Ralph always has an issue. Artie said he wanted to go see Star Trek with Ralph so he talked to him yesterday. He said Ralph said he may or may not make it. He told him to meet outside the theater at 1:15 just in case he could make it. Artie said that he went there and waited with Helicopter Mike who has been helping him stay off of heroin.
Artie said the movie was packed and they went up to get some tickets. He said he bought one for Ralph just in case. Artie said Mike had to pay for the ticket and it was $55 for 3 tickets. Artie said he and Mike stood there waiting for Ralph to show up. Ralph didn't show around 1 so he waited until 1:10.
Artie said they went in and got the shittiest seats right up front. Artie said his neck still hurts and he has no idea what the Kirk guy even looks like. Ralph said that he wasn't even able to call Artie to let him know what was going on. That's the problem.
Artie said that this is the kind of thing that happens with Ralph. Ralph told him he should have waited until today.
King told Ralph that he was losing his hair in the back. Howard took a look and said that it did look like something was going on back there. Howard thanked Ronnie, Ralph and King for coming in and ended the segment a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had Greg Fitzsimmons sitting out there in the green room. He said that Greg is now Twittering. Greg came in and said that he was talking to Ralph about that out there.
Howard apologized to Greg for getting to him so late. He said that's the way the show does. Greg said that his show is run more strictly than Howard does. Howard had to ask him to turn his phone off since it was making noise into the mics.
Howard asked Greg to sit down because he had to get to Mike Walker first. He also had some people sitting in watching the show who had donated some money to a charity. Howard said one of them was Les Walgreen. Howard said he had his girlfriend there and his daughter with him as well. Howard said Sarah claims she knows him but he wasn't sure how. She said she had met him out in the Hamptons.
Les is the great grandson of the guy who created the Walgreen's stores. Howard asked if he works in the family business. He said he left the company in 1996 so he has nothing to do with it now. Les said he has to work and he can't just sit around doing nothing all day. He said he will try and get stuff into stores and sell product. He also puts movies out and things like that.
Howard asked Les if the family has billions. He said it's not that much, they're not like the Waltons of Wal-Mart.
Howard spent a short time talking to Les about the products that he's gotten put out. He said he has a heart rate ring that they're beta testing right now. Howard and Robin liked that product.
Greg asked about some of the stuff they sell at Walgreens and how they have a whole system of putting everything together, even greeting cards. They spent a minute on that and then got to Mike Walker.
Howard talked to Les Walgreen some more and tried to figure out how much he was worth. Artie said he thinks he's around $250 million. Greg figured it was more like $75 million after the stock market crash and the generic drugs that have been brought out.
The guys also tried to figure out how much Mike Walker was worth. While they were talking about that Mike asked Artie what he would take that he could buy at a drug store to get high. Artie said that laxatives can give you a high if you take enough.
Howard let Mike go a short time later and also thanked Les for giving to the charity and coming in to visit today. He spent a few more minutes talking to Les and his girlfriend. Les said he's not ready to get married again.
Howard said he heard that Greg was on the pain pills again. Greg said he and his son built a go-cart and they went to the tallest hill in Santa Monica and went down in it together. Greg said he built it for two people and they went screaming down this hill and he made the steering a little too tight. They flipped over and his son had blood coming off his leg and a bump on his arm. Greg broke his hip and dislocated his clavicle.
Greg said they got home and his wife yelled at him and it was the book she bought for him that made him build the thing.
Greg said he took some Vikodin for the pain and he wasn't able to stop. He said that he can't just take it for a little while, he needs to keep taking it. Greg said he takes just one a day but he has to keep going with it. Greg said he's still got the prescription for the Vikodin but he claimed he was still in pain.
Howard said Greg is going to be promoting this new book this week. He was dressed up and looking very smart today. Greg said that he's taking some other prescription drugs for various things as well. He said he had numbness in his arms when he raised them above his arms so he has to take this stuff.
Greg said he has a bunch of stuff going on in his career. He said he's doing really well and has a bunch of stuff he's working on with pilots and stuff. He said they have a show called ''Dream Police'' they're working on and they're going to go out and stop people who have been following their dreams for too long.
Howard gave Greg a plug for his Twitter page at Twitter.com/GregFitzShow. Howard asked him for some of the stuff he's been posting on there. Greg told him about some of that stuff and Howard just didn't get it. Greg said he's using this as a way to write down ideas he gets in his head and it's almost like a last line in a great story. Howard said he's not going to follow him on that page.
Howard said Paris Hilton posted a picture on her Twitter page and complained about someone egging her Bentley. Howard said he could relate to Greg's posts but not to something like Paris' nonsense.
Steve said that Angel got an email from Eric's attorney asking her about the money. Howard said Eric did it right by not going to her himself. Howard said it's astonishing that he would do that though. Steve said Eric has no comment for him.
Steve said Artie got a mention in the top 10 list last night. His book was quoted. Steve also got in a mention for the free Howard 100 and 101 on XM radios next week.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to a guy calling in to talk about the ''boogie'' comment that Ronnie made earlier. He said it's an old Jewish person thing. Gary said he had heard that only one other time in his life. He said he knew it sounded bad but he didn't know what exactly it was.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he has ever sat down and watched Private Parts with Beth. Howard said he suggested it once but she didn't want to see it and that was probably the best thing. He said that they do look at their old wedding album though. Howard said Beth may have seen the movie but he's not even clear on that. He said she may have seen some of it.
Howard asked Les how many times he's been married. Les said it's twice. Artie changed his worth to $100,000 instead of million.
Howard asked Robin if she's on Facebook. Robin said she's not. Howard said Jim Florentine does and he's got all kinds of new work coming up according to his Facebook account.
Robin said she still stays in touch with Jim but they just say hi. Greg said that people don't just say hi. Robin said they do too. She says she just says she's fine and asks how he is. Greg said that's very passive aggressive. Robin said she's not sure what she's said to him. Greg asked if she did it all in caps.
Howard said he has someone who writes to him only in caps. He said he feels they're yelling at him. Greg said it's cooler to do it in lower case letters only. Greg said he'd like to know if Howard is going to invite him to his house in the Hamptons again this year. Howard said he invited him last year but had to take it back because Greg wanted to work out of the house.
Howard said Greg was going to stay there and then go work and come back in the middle of the night. Howard said Beth didn't know who he was so he had to tell her that he was a comedian and he'd probably be working until the middle of the night. Howard said he didn't want to deal with it.
Artie said that Greg should know better and he shouldn't have called Howard to stay. Howard had offered to let him stay, Greg didn't call asking. Greg said he only asked after he had been invited there. Howard said he's not looking for Greg to do that kind of thing. Greg said he'll be back this summer and would love to stay over.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard moved on to Robin's news after that.
Artie said that he, Kevin and John Popper smoked a ton of cigarettes and about 3 joints in Howard's room. Howard said he didn't want to let anyone smoke but he let them do it. He said that's when he decided to never have another party at his place.
Artie said the weed that John Popper had was really strong. He said his girlfriend at the time told him he shouldn't be doing that in Howard's house. Artie said he had to do it and see what it was about since it smelled so good. He said the rest of the party was really good after that. Howard said the whole time they were doing that he was wondering how he was going to get everyone out of his apartment.
Robin read a story about the superman costume that was worn by Christopher Reeve going up for auction. Howard said he'd feel that was kind of unlucky. Greg said he's going to buy the horse Reeve was riding when he got paralyzed. Artie said his father's shirt he was wearing the day he was paralyzed should be up for auction too.
Robin read a story about the Miss California organization losing one woman who didn't like what was going on with Carrie Prejean. That led to Howard talking about the women who are in those pageants and how they think they're more important than they actually are. Howard said they should be worried about more important things than if this woman should keep her title.
Artie said he's not sure why people are coming out against gay weddings because every wedding is gay. He said he's never been to one that wasn't gay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Greg should be careful with his prescription because he got arrested for faking a prescription at Walgreens. The guy said that he should be careful with that. Artie said Greg isn't doing what the caller did. Artie was telling Greg that he's out of control and he's going to talk to him after the show.
Howard said Artie has guys watching him full time. Artie said they're not full time now. He said he doesn't have Les Walgreen money.
Robin read that Paulina Poritskova was fired by the America's Top Model people. She said she was told that they had to cut the fat from the show.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found what people are looking for in life. She said that money and looks are one thing but the real things are ''growing as an individual'' and having loving relationships is what people really want.
Howard took another call from a guy who said his grandfather worked for Walgreen's for many years and he had to thank them for starting the company. Les said it was his great grandfather who started the company. They had to take a break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:25am, we heard a prank call the guys made to a woman with some Mr. T audio clips. Fred also played ''Strawberry Fields'' as they were coming back.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Farrah Fawcett documentary that's airing on Friday night. Howard said he won't be watching that. He said he can't think of her in that way after she used to be so hot. He said she's dying of cancer. Howard said he has interviewed her and he feels bad for her but he can't watch this horrible thing about her dying of cancer.
Howard said Farrah must have a tremendous drive to be on TV to go on to talk about this kind of thing. Howard said that's the last thing he would want to talk about on TV. Howard said she may not have a lot of money and she might be doing this to help pay for her doctors. That led to the guys talking about her hot poster that every guy had hanging in their room. Howard said that she must have sold millions and millions of those posters. Howard said he would find out exactly how many it was. Gary later said the number was 12 million copies.
Robin said Ryan O'Neal is out promoting the Farrah special. She had some audio of him talking about why she had this all documented. He said she's had a terrible time in the past year and it's not turning out the way she expected it to.
Robin had a few other clips of Ryan talking about his relationship with Farrah. He also talked about his son being brought in to visit while he was still in chains because he had been arrested. Ryan said he told him not to rattle his chains when he went into visit his mom.
Robin read some news about the 800-MATTRESS founder's son who was arrested for allegedly killing his mom.
Howard said he had a new Tradio call that Sal and Richard made. He said that they slipped in some new fake names on the air. He played that clip where they managed to get the hosts to wish happy birthday's to Mike Rotch, Sharon Cox and Phil Theecolerdz.
Sal had to come in and explain the ''Phil Theecolordz'' joke to the guys. No one got that it was ''Filthy Colored.'' Howard asked Sal why he hates black people so much. Sal said they don't hate them. He said it's a test on psychology. He said they're just trying to see what they can get away with.
Howard played the last Tradio call Sal and Richard did where they got some of those fake names on the air. They got names like Curly Pubes, Eaton Beaver and others on the air. Greg Fitzsimmons laughed his ass off at some of those.
Robin got back to her news and read some stories about Howard K. Stern. Howard said he'd like to be done with that guy so he can be the only Howard Stern.
Robin read a story about how Craigslist has agreed to remove the erotic services section on their site and they're going to start going over each and every one manually now. Fred played Benjy freaking out clips when they talked about that story. Everyone got a laugh out of that since Benjy used the site to find some dates.
Robin read some news story that got Howard and the guys talking about torture and whether or not it worked. Howard said he thinks that it does and Greg was saying that it could make things worse. Greg, Howard and Artie all argued over that stuff for a short time. Robin said that Howard may admit he was wrong in a couple of years when he realizes what he was saying today. Howard said he has done that before so that is possible.
Robin read about the 9/11 attacks and how there may have been some overreaction's to that by the government.
Robin read about a Mets fan who jumped onto the diamond and streaked in the new stadium. The guy who did it said that he did it because it was a misdemeanor and his boss gave him the day off of work.
Robin read that the big American Idol finale is next week. Robin asked if Howard had seen Kelly Clarkson in the paper today. Howard said she looks like Meat Loaf. He said she's gotten very big. Robin said she does look a lot like Meat Loaf.
Robin said the final two in American Idol are Adam and Chris. She had some audio from the show where they made the announcement.
Robin had some news about Martin Scorsese talking about making a Frank Sinatra movie. Greg said that sounds like a good one to him.
Robin had some audio of Tom Hanks talking about the new movie he's in. She also said that Motley Crue will be making a guest appearance on the TV show ''Bones.'' Artie said he's going to miss that one. He said that's the last thing he's going to watch. They had some audio of Tommy Lee talking about that appearance but Greg kept talking over him. Artie said that was the best Tommy Lee clip he had ever heard.
Robin read about the chimp who attacked this woman and ripped her face off having taken Xanax. Howard said the woman apparently put the chimp on the pills and the chimp went berserk and ripped the woman's friend's face off.
Greg said that he takes Aderal because he's under a lot of stress right now. He said he will get off of it when the stress is less. He said he's pitching a book today and he's under a lot of stress for that.
Robin read a couple more quick stories about Whoopi Goldberg commenting on Patrick Swayze's health and a couple of other things. Howard gave Greg some plugs for his stuff and had to end the show around 11:05am.
Gary said he was entertained by the judges fight before the pageant too. Jon said that they were all judging each other before the pageant. He wants to ask Ronnie why King of All Blacks gets under his skin the way he does.
Gary said King's entire existence is on what you wear and what you look like. Jon said Ralph was staying quiet during most of it and you know he was taking it seriously.
Gary said King called in and mocked him for driving a BMW 3 series a few years ago and he just let it roll off. He didn't care that much about it like King does.
Jon said he wonders about the interns and how they felt about the fight. He said they had to wait for that to get over before they got into the studio.
Gary said they have an entrance for the studio and the girls were all waiting in the dark while they were doing the fight thing. Gary said they were all huddled back there for a half hour while the fight went on.
Ralph came in so Jon asked him why he was so quiet today. Ralph said King has every stereotype going for him and he thinks that the most expensive stuff he has the better he is. He said he had bad cologne on too. He said the guy is a nice guy but he was kind of annoying with that stuff.
Gary talked about King pushing the Wolfe range too. Ralph said that King probably goes to Canal street and buys the fake stuff out there. Gary asked if he thinks he's trying to pass that stuff off as real when it's really fake. Ralph said he's probably done it but he respects people more who live within their means.
Ralph said he would have the knock off stuff if he wanted any of that. Gary said King doesn't live that existence off of his salary. His parents lend him money. Jon said that Ronnie brought that up and it did seem to get to him but King was able to get to Ronnie even more with the comments about his suit.
Ralph said the suit thing really doesn't matter as long as it looks good on the guy. The label shouldn't matter.
Gary asked Ralph if he could pick out a bad suit like King does. Ralph said as long as the suit fits well it's going to look fine. He said King is way too caught up in that stuff.
Jason said that he thinks that stuff really got to Ronnie. Gary said it did. Jason said Ronnie thinks about his clothes a lot and he was dying to see what King would have said about what Ronnie looks like outside of work in the cut-off t-shirt and too-short shots.
A caller told the guys how to tell if a Rolex is a fake or not. He said the second hand will tick if it's fake. Ralph said they have fixed that and it's now sweeping like a real one.
Ralph said Target sells stuff that's designed well and isn't expensive. Jason said that sometimes they have to price it high or people won't buy it though. He said there have been studies done about it and found that you have to do that to sell stuff sometimes.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked him why King got under his skin. Ronnie said that the guy is a sanitation guy and he works in Jersey. He said he walks around like he's Sean ''Puffy'' Combs and he's just not. He said that making fun of him for what he was wearing made him wonder who the hell he thinks he is.
Ralph asked Ronnie why he didn't tell King to fuck off when he asked him to show his suit. Ronnie said he really doesn't care. He said he's happy with the way he dresses and doesn't really give a shit. Ronnie said he has people who tell him he dresses nice. Jason laughed when he heard that.
Ronnie pointed out the tank top Howard was wearing a couple of weeks ago and how weird that looked. He said Howard shouldn't be telling him what to wear.
Ralph said he never dresses Howard in a tank top and he must have taken his shirt off. Ronnie said he's not sure why he was wearing it but it was ugly.
Jon asked Ronnie about the ''boogie'' name calling. Ronnie said he's a wanna-be and he's not a high class black person wearing $50,000 watches like he thinks he is. Ronnie said that he was saying that he's a little uppity for who he is.
Gary looked up the definition of ''Boogie'' on the urban dictionary and found that it's a black person, usually from the ghetto. Ronnie said that's what he is.
Jon asked Gary which of the three judges he thought did the best job judging. Gary said he thinks that Ralph was the most honest and did a really good job. He said they all did a good job though.
Jon asked Ronnie how he felt since he gets to see the girls every morning. Ronnie said he was shocked when he saw Jessica come in the way she was dressed. She was actually in the studio and said that Brittany had huge tits to show off too and she didn't have them herself.
Jessica said that she was getting really hot standing in the hallway waiting to go on. She said the arguments were ridiculous.
Jon asked Jessica if Ronnie has a nickname for her. She said that he does call her Hayden because he thinks that she looks like Hayden Panettiere. Ronnie also pokes her with his walkie talkie according to what Jon heard. Ronnie said he will do that but they just joke around. Jon heard he called her ''chief'' too but Ronnie and Jessica didn't know about that.
Jon asked if there was anything that Jessica could have done better today to win. She sang but she said she didn't think she could sing and never does it usually. Ralph said that she was scored too low by someone and he wasn't sure who it was. Jon thought she had fun with the song. She said she did.
Jon said Brittany was there too so he had Teddy play a clip of her being announced as the winner of the contest.
After playing the clip Jon pointed out that she called King ''Angry.'' Jon congratulated Brittany for her win and asked if she got congrats from the other interns. She said she did.
Gary said they had one girl there who was hated by all of the interns and it turned into a cat fight during the pageant. He said they all turned on her that day and all of the interns went off on her.
Brittany said that she was nervous about playing today and she didn't think she was going to be able to play guitar.
Jon asked if Brittany was nervous about any of the judges. She said she was nervous about Ralph. Ronnie said he heard that she was nervous about him too. She said that she was a little nervous about him too.
Jon also asked Brittany about Casey and how she had to deal with that on the air today. She said that was tough. Jessica told her that she thinks that Casey is sexually attracted to her. Jason said that he is and he really digs her. Brittany said she's known him for so long and she just can't look at him like that. She said he's just a good guy friend.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Margie being into JD and how he has to take advantage of that. Gary said he had never noticed that before. He said that Margie and JD sort of sound alike and kind of has the same cadence.
Margie was in so Jon asked her about her disco ball bra. She said that was inspired by Lady Gaga. She said she had a whole thing that she was going to do where she was going to strip down and take off her glasses but it wasn't going to work the way they had things set up.
Gary said Margie had a whole drawing of the studio that she was going to use to do her talent portion. He said she was going to do a lot of moving around but she wasn't able to do what she had planned. Ronnie told her that her glasses looked kind of freaky.
Jon asked if it bothered her when JD came in when she brought up that she was kind of into him. She said she had a feeling that he would come in. Ralph asked her if she would possibly lose her virginity to JD. She said she doesn't know. She said she's been told she sounds a little like JD when she talks. Ralph said he thinks that nothing would happen in the room for hours if she and JD went out.
Jon asked Amy about her time in the studio during the pageant. Gary said he had told her family that he wouldn't let her get into anything wacky because he kind of knows them. He said he felt kind of weird about this but she asked her parents about it and they were fine with it.
Jon said that the guys had some tough decisions to make today during the pageant. Ralph said the number is meaningless if you just throw them out there in the beginning. Gary said they may have to change the way they do it from now on.
Jon asked the girls if Ronnie treats them all the same way. They talked about that a little bit. Brittany said she didn't know that she was dressing that sexy like Ronnie said she had been. They had to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Greg Fitzsimmons and his revelation that he's back on Vikodin and also about the discussion they had about Greg not going to Howard's house. He said Greg obviously wants to go to his house but it sounds like that may not happen.
Gary said he saw a very uncomfortable exchange between Howard and another guy one time. Howard told the guy not to bring his kids when the guy asked him if he could.
Greg came in and said he hates to see Howard uncomfortable. He said that would like to be able to say that he went but he's not sure that it would be all he thinks it would be. He said he's avoided going to the Playboy mansion as well because he figures it wouldn't be all it's cracked up to be. Gary said it would actually be fun because Howard lets loose out there.
Ralph told Greg the Playboy Mansion is great too and he should try that. He said he's been to a couple of parties and they're great. Gary said he's been there a few times too and the parties can be really great. Greg said he's been invited a few times and he's just never gone. He said he's usually out on the road, plus, he's married. Ralph told him to just cheat, it's okay there.
Jon asked Benjy if he sensed any tension between Howard and Greg. Benjy said that people are giving Greg shit and he wanted to know what Greg said to Howard when he took that invitation back. Greg said Howard asked him to come out one time and it sounded like he really wanted him there. He said he felt like he might be imposing himself on him and he just waited until the wrong moment to do it. Greg said his wife told him that Howard would probably say he had a lot of friends and family with him that weekend and that's exactly what Howard did.
Greg said Howard had figured that he wanted to crash there and show up at 1 in the morning. Greg said Howard was right about that because that's probably what he would have done. He said he realized he would have been a dick for doing that.
Gary said if he gets invited out this summer he'll have to schedule it months in advance. Gary said Howard and Beth get booked up every weekend pretty quickly.
Ralph said he blew it when he went out there. He said he didn't do too many things right while he was there. He said they were little things he was doing but they were screw ups.
Jon also brought up Robin's comments about how Jim Florentine was emailing her and ''just saying hi.'' The guys were wondering if that's really all that's been going on. Greg said he got a note from a woman who he was with for 3 years and she wrote to him apologizing to him for anything that she did wrong. He said that was cool and he doesn't want anyone just writing and asking ''what's up.''
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the torture discussion they had today. The guy said that we torture our own soldiers when they're in boot camp. They only had about a minute to talk about that. Gary said that Jesse Ventura talked about that and he'll be coming in to talk about that soon. He said Jesse said that didn't help them out at all when they did it either.
Greg said that there are laws saying that we can't torture and that's that. He and Ralph went back and forth on that for a few seconds but they had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.