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Howard started off the show saying that George Takei was sitting in with them this week. Howard said that he's fresh from the Academy Awards where he was holding hands with his husband Brad on the red carpet. George said that they used to get separated when they'd go in the past. He said that Brad would be peeking through people's shoulders but this time he was with him on the red carpet.
George said that there were people screaming out ''Brad! Brad!'' on the carpet but it turned out that Brad and Angelina were right ahead of them on the red carpet. Howard said that was pretty funny.
Howard said that it's a pretty snowy week there in New York. George said that it was 78 degrees in Los Angeles when they left. This weather that they were having there was incredible.
Howard asked George what they were doing there this week. George said that they were at a Garden State equality dinner on Saturday night. Howard asked if George had Brad sign a pre-nup. George said that they've been together for 22 years now and he hasn't had him do that. George said that they haven't done a post-nup either.
George told Howard that they went to Japan recently so they went with an attorney friend who is also gay. George said that he also has a gay doctor. His dentist isn't gay though.
Howard asked what's going on sexually in his marriage. Howard said that they were only doing it on Sunday in the past. Howard said he suggested that they add a day for sex so he was wondering if that had happened. George wadi that things do happen spontaneously now so things have changed. George said that has happened a couple of times but there are also weeks that it doesn't happen at all.
George said that Howard is the one who made the changes. He said that's because they talked about it on the air. Howard asked if Brad is more the wife in the marriage. George laughed and said that he might be. He said that he is still a man though.
George talked about what he and Brad were talking about at the dinner they were invited to on Saturday. George said that in New Jersey they only have Civil Unions and not marriages for gay couples and that can cause problems when they're in the hospital and things like that.
Howard asked George about the show ''Heroes'' and how that's doing because he heard that the ratings were down this week. George said that they are down. Howard said that the scripts aren't that good lately and he's stopped watching it even though he has been recording them on his TiVo. Howard said he hopes that the show continues on. George said that maybe Howard talking about it will help him get back on the show some more.
Howard said that George will be sitting in all week. George said that he wanted to thank Howard for inviting him to the wedding reception but they were out on their honeymoon. Howard said that was fine. He wasn't able to make it to George's wedding either.
Howard asked George if they had more sex on their honeymoon than usual. George said they were kind of under a lot of stress during the honeymoon. They did Machu Pichu that week. George said that they were doing a lot of climbing and it was very strenuous. George said they went to Buenos Aires and some other places as well.
Howard asked if there was any sex at all. George said that in Buenos Aires there was. He said they were gone for 3 weeks and it was exhausting. George said that they might have had sex once a week during that honeymoon. Howard said that this is sad. George said that they did get a lot of exercise.
Robin said that Howard's mom said that they didn't need a romantic honeymoon because he had already done that. Howard said that he probably should have had one.
Howard asked George about getting deeper into anal or rougher sex or things like that. George said that he's up for experimentation but he has to compromise with his partner. Howard said that it must be like heterosexual couples doing it and the woman not giving him anything but the vagina.
Howard said that George and Brad wrestle when they're going to have sex and he wondered what that was all about. George said that it's not fighting, it's just enjoying each other's musculature. Howard said that wasn't even a word was it? The way George said it wasn't a word but the word was an actual word according to Robin. She gave George the correct pronunciation.
George said that they like the muscles and also licking and touching each other's nipples. He was getting into a lot of detail so Howard told him that maybe it was too much and Artie was right. Artie said that this was the gayest 15 minutes in the history of the show.
Artie said that wrestling is the only sport where you can have your face in someone's ass and be winning. George told Artie that his book was great and he made him laugh and cry. Howard asked him what part he laughed at, the suicide part? George said the Frankie Valli story was one that made him laugh.
The caller asked if The Bachelor knocked up that one chick on the show. Howard said that was his theory too. He said that he figured he must have knocked up the other broad but he's not going to reveal what happened.
The caller said that the chick with the big caps was very distracting on that show. He said it was like watching Gary and he sees what that's like now.
Robin said that she doesn't know how anyone can watch American Idol. She said that she was talking to some people and they think that there's really just one person who can sing on that show. Howard said that they might be talking about the guy who lost his wife just a couple of weeks before the show. Howard said that there are a couple on there who have some talent. Howard asked her who was telling her about that show. Robin wasn't saying.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer sent him some clips of his son's band's music and it turned out to be pretty good. He said that his kid has some talent.
Robin wondered why Scott's son didn't try out for American Idol. Howard said that Scott's son is more into that rock music type of stuff than the American Idol stuff.
Howard said that they'll have tape of William Shatner talking about George Takei. He said that he was talking about why he can't be on his interview show. George said that he hadn't heard that yet. Robin said that Shatner used to avoid talking about him but now that's all he does.
Howard said that Shatner doesn't like to see anyone getting the attention so that's why he seems to be doing that.
Howard played a few song parodies where they stuck George's comments about black wang and stuff like that into them.
Howard said that George must have pulled something out, that's why Brad doesn't enjoy it. Artie asked George when he last got it in the ass. George said that it had been a long time. He said that he didn't really enjoy it.
Howard asked George if he pulled something out when he did Brad. George said that Brad actually saw it and it bothered him. George told him that he didn't mind it at all but Brad was embarrassed anyway. Artie said that he would be embarrassed too.
Howard asked George if he uses a condom. George said that they don't do that but they have been tested in the past and they're exclusive with one another so it shouldn't be a problem. Howard said that he hasn't given it to Fred since the AIDS scare.
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Howard said that he got a lot of e-mail about that as well. He read through some of those. He only had one negative one to read. One guy was upset that he had Rosie on the show.
The caller was also talking about the story that Will was telling about having a threesome. Howard said that he thinks about that and wonders how you have sex with another man in the room. Will said that it was in high school and the girl was down for it so he though it would be funny. Will said it wasn't a big deal. He said that one of them was on the back end and she was blowing the other. Will said that it did sound kind of gay the way Howard was making it sound.
Howard asked Will if he and the guy saw each other's schlongs. Will said that they didn't look at each other much. They did have their dicks out though. Will said that it was funny. He said that it was a high school thing. Howard said he never had anything like that in his high school years.
Sal came in and told Howard a story about having a threesome with some other friends. He said that he finished with the girl really fast when he did her. He said that he ended up putting on her pants after he did her and he went out to the couch while his friends were banging the piss out of the girl. The girls' friends came over to take her home so they tried to keep them out. Then they sent their boyfriends over to get her out of there. Sal said that the guys came to the door and his buddy pointed a rifle at them. Sal said he didn't know what was going on.
Sal said the cops showed up later and he thought that it was over the rifle thing. Then it turns out they were there about the sex. He said that they arrested a bunch of them and told him that they were under arrest for allegedly raping this girl. Sal said that his buddy called his father who was a cop and they did their depositions and stuff. The case never went to court because the girl didn't press charges. Sal said that she ended up accusing them but then took it back.
Sal said that he could have been in jail if that girl hadn't left the message on her friend's phone. He said that she was a pretty chubby chick and a runaway too so there's no telling what happened to her. Sal said that he was 17 at the time. Howard thanked Sal for that story and let him go.
Howard said that Beth was down in Florida over the weekend but she came back yesterday afternoon. She came back to all of this snow and they both hate it. Howard said that it really sucks.
Howard said that he and Beth watched The Bachelor when she got home. They had 2 hours of that to watch. They ordered in some Chinese food. He said that he got the sauce on the side. He said that they know him down there and he's apparently the only one who orders it with the sauce on the side. Beth asked for it on the side one time and they told her that the only person who orders it that way is Howard Stern and it's very boring.
Howard said that he was very tired last night and it was only 8 o'clock. He said that he banged her and she told him that she was starting to hurt inside and told him he was too big. Howard said that he might be bigger than he thought.
Howard said he felt really good about himself after that. He said that if she was having chest pains then he'd be really happy.
Howard said that Beth started snoring last night and Beth ended up recording him. He played the audio of himself snoring after that. Howard said he couldn't believe that was even him. He said that he sounds like his dad or something. Howard said that this is what Beth has to sleep with. He said he never snored before they got married.
George said there's something that they make to stop that. Robin said ''Yeah, it's called a hammer.'' Howard said that his father told him that he needs a nasal strip on his nose. Howard said he told his dad there's no way he's going to do that. His father never did it even though he snores.
Howard told a story about going out to dinner with his parents recently and his father was yelling at the table since his hearing is so bad. He said that his father brought up Rush Limbaugh and talked about that at this really fancy restaurant.
Howard said that Rush has gotten really fat again and he's trying to get something going on his show now and he's talking about how he hopes that Obama fails with all of his plans. Howard said that's just a dumb thing to do.
Howard said that his dad was saying that Rush is like a traitor to the country and he was almost yelling that at this restaurant. He had to ask him to tone it down a little bit.
Howard said that he's been having this dream lately where he's writing with this nice pen and the pen ends up breaking and getting ink all over him. Robin said ''hmmmm'' and asked him what he thinks the pen would be about. She said that it's like communicating and the pen breaking can be him making a big mess trying to communicate. Howard said he liked that.
Howard played more of the audio of him snoring. He said he had to apologize to Beth about that. He said he loves sleeping though and he wishes that he was sleeping right now.
Howard let the audio play of him snoring. Artie said that it sounded kind of normal now. Earlier it didn't sound so normal. There were some really odd sounding snores there. Howard said it was so frequent. Howard wondered if George could sleep through something like that. George said he's not sure.
Howard said he feels kind of macho with this snoring. He cut the tape off after a couple more minutes. Artie said that he thinks that he's got some weird snores too. Robin said that they have tape of him snoring right there in the studio. Artie forgot about sleeping at work.
Gary came in with an interpretation of Howard's pen dream. He said that Jason had gone out and found some information about that. The details were sketchy though.
Howard said that Paul Harvey died over the weekend and he has some weird feelings about that guy. He said that when you read his obituary you read that he was a super conservative. He said that he was all for McCarthy and McCarthyism. Howard said that's the negative stuff he has about him.
Howard said that Paul Harvey used to come on at 8:35 and he used to have to have to figure out how to get in a song in there before he went live. Howard said that they used to have to figure out how to fit the song in there before he came on. Howard said that they also used to have a guy who would edit Paul's show and make his pauses last like 3 minutes long.
Howard said that the weird story is that Paul Harvey has a kid and the kid wanted to get in on the whole Paul Harvey thing. He's apparently doing an impression of his father and doing the news like his father used to. Howard said that he can't imagine his kids doing that.
Artie said that the guy doesn't have his own personality if he's doing that and it's a shrink's dream to have something like that.
Gary came in and told Howard about some Rush Limbaugh stuff and that led to Scott DePace coming in and talking about Rush and Obama. Scott said that he doesn't want the country to fail. He said that it doesn't matter what he hopes anyway because Howard has hoped that people would get cancer. Howard yelled at Scott to get out of there and called him a traitor.
Scott said that he doesn't want higher taxes or government health care. He said that he wants this whole thing not to work with Obama so they can go back to the way things were with Bush. Howard and Scott argued about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what was going on with Scott. Howard said that he just likes to argue. He told the guy he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Gary was talking about how there might be a Casey Kasem Jr. out there just like there's a Paul Harvey Jr. He said that there's also Mel Blanc's son who is doing impressions of his father with the cartoon voices.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that she liked hearing the snoring clips earlier. She said she can't believe that Howard makes those noises. Artie wondered when she last heard a man snoring in her bed. She said that it was the year that Artie was last skinny.
Howard asked Artie what he was eating. Artie had a mouth full of food and tried to answer Howard. He said it was cream vanilla cookies, number 146 in the vending machine.
Artie said that they had both his snoring and Artie's snoring to play if they wanted to hear it mixed. He played some of his own snoring first and then threw in Artie's snoring from inside the studio. They had some dueling snoring going on for a few seconds. Howard said that's what it would sound like if they were a gay couple sleeping together.
Lisa said that they were out at the appearance Gary was making at the opening of a new Crumbs bakery. She said they had some of Gary's high school friends talking about how Gary wasn't teased for his teeth back in those days. Howard said the teeth on the other people must have been really bad if they didn't notice his.
Lisa said that Robin is saying that there are no plans to have a Girls Night Out thing this year. Last year they had the one charity event.
Howard said that he and Tim Sabean went out to dinner last week. He said that he did that and also went out with his parents. Howard said that Ralph asked him to go out with him and Jillian Barberie but he wasn't able to make that. Robin said that she went with Ralph. Robin said that Ralph didn't pay either. She said that he invited Jillian to go out and pay.
Howard asked Robin if she had any expensive wine out that night. Robin said that she hasn't been asked about that since the dinner with Howard. Howard told George about Robin ordering some $800 bottles of wine when they went out not too long ago. Howard said that was $2,400 bottles of wine. George said that he would have nursed just one glass of wine if he knew how much it cost.
Robin ended up going off on Howard for not asking her how much the wine was before he ordered more bottles of it. Howard said that he had no idea about how much it cost. He asked Fred to play the song about Robin's $800 bottles of wine to play for George. Fred found that and played it real quick. They also played Mike Morse's song about Robin ordering over 2 grand worth of wine.
Lisa got back to her news preview and talked about a special documentary that George and Brad are in. George said that it's playing at the Metropolitan Museum right now. They did the interview from their bed. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard asked Mike about going out and making out with some guy at a bar. Mike said that wasn't true. He said that he hasn't made out with anyone. Mike said that his friend hangs out with him and he's helping him out meeting some people. Mike said that he's trying to get the friend but they're just friends right now.
Howard asked about the guy Mike was out with who ended up making out with some other guy. Mike said this guy is like a 10 while he's like a 2. Mike had a picture of the guy that he showed to Robin and then Howard and George. Howard said that he did look like a model.
George asked Mike how things have been good for him since he came out. Mike said that it was liberating and now he doesn't have to lie to anyone. Howard said he heard that Mike is being used by this good looking guy but Mike said that's not the case. He said that he took him to one dinner before Christmas. He said they split bills and stuff now.
This good looking guy is the one that Mike is saying is his friend. He said that he's the one who ended up making out with some other guy when they went out.
George asked Mike what made him come out at this point. Mike said that they played a song there that he had never heard before and it was very romantic. Mike said that it was ''Never Felt This Way'' by Brian McNight and he ended up crying uncontrollably. Mike said that he didn't come out before because his mother told him that she would disown him if he was gay. He said that she was okay with it when he finally did come out though.
Howard said that Mike is setting his heights very high. He said that this guy might be out of his league. Howard told Mike that they were going to do a dating game with him but he might want guys who are way out of his league. Mike said that he's looking for someone who can make him laugh too.
Howard said that Mike is gay and has yet to consummate with anyone. Howard said that maybe George would be happy to jerk him off. Howard thanked Mike for coming in and let him go. George said that was inspirational and the more that are comfortable with their sexuality, the more healthy society will be.
Howard said that he went to dinner with Artie one night and Artie was busy texting the whole night. Artie said that wasn't the case. Howard said the whole night was about his texting. Artie said that his phone was broken and he was trying to fix it. He said he wasn't texting at all.
Howard said that Beth is really fast with the texting and she doesn't even know how to work the lights in their apartment. Howard said she has no problem with the phone though.
Howard said that Beth doesn't know what channel the local TV stations are but she sure can text. He said that if she wants to know something, she'll figure it out. Howard said that she was able to record his snoring no problem with this taping device she had.
Howard was talking about how he's being consulted on new phones by Jeff Schick. Howard said that they're trying to figure out which way to go with that.
Howard said that he had the recording device that Beth used on his snoring. He showed that to Artie and the guys. Howard said that it sounded pretty good playing back too. He played the recorder into his mic and it sounded pretty clear. Artie thought it was pretty cool looking. Artie said that she could have just used her phone to record him too.
Howard said that he wanted to play some of Scott's son's new music. He said he thought it was pretty good so he had to play it. Scott had it up on the computer in seconds. Howard played some of Emergency Now's latest stuff.
Robin said that it really was good. Howard said that maybe the black cloud is lifting from above their heads. Howard said that if anyone is listening that can make this happen, they should contact them. Howard said that Scott's son is trying to get a record deal. Scott said that his son is frustrated with the music thing because it's so tough.
Howard told Scott that it really did sound good. Scott said that he'd like to get them a record deal but Artie said that he's not sure there are any record companies anymore. They should just try to sell their music on Myspace. Scott said they're already doing that.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman was threatening to quit her TV show because they were going to cut her budget by 20 percent. Artie said she probably has a point with that since it is Comedy Central. They had to go to break right after that.
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Howard came back and said that it was supposed to snow another 6 inches today there in New York City. Howard said he hates the snow, especially living there in New York. He said that it turns all black and it looks awful.
Howard mentioned that George was there today. He said that they had some big news about a 3D gay movie that's coming out. That got George's attention.
Howard said that the 3D movies are available on a web site by Dominic Ford. Howard read through the press release about the gay movies and filled everyone in. George said that he's on to something with that. Howard said that he must want to see cock right in his face while he's watching them. George said it would be great for straight porn too.
Howard said that Tracey called Ralph a douche during the taping. Howard played that clip where Tracey was yelling at Ralph. They had Shuli doing a play-by-play over that and Howard said he didn't think that was a good idea. Howard said that having Shuli talking over her was a bad idea. Doug said that they can pull that audio out and just leave in the Tracey stuff.
Howard had some audio of Scott the Engineer's partner taking her shorts off and putting them on Scott's head. Howard said that she looked very attractive in that clip. Howard said that the show would be interesting enough without Shuli and the other guys talking over it.
Howard said that he read that Rihanna and Chris Brown got back together and they went to P. Diddy's house. Howard said that maybe that's not the best place to get back together. Howard said that the really weird thing is that Rihanna's father came out and said that he was fine with it. Robin said that these people might be living off of those relationships so that's why they can't come out and say anything. She said that they're not parents.
Howard said he can't imagine what he would do if his daughter got hit by their boyfriend. He said that he couldn't support it if they went back with the guy. Howard said that the day will come when she probably gets beaten up again.
Howard said that he had no idea what the guy was saying in that clip either. Artie said it sounds like he's mocking his father. Robin said that he was reading and he just didn't have the same delivery that his father had.
Howard said that he likes that broadcasting is one of those things that you can't just step into. He said that you need some talent for that. Fred did an impression of Paul Harvey and he sounded more like him than his own son.
Howard said that your country is your team and you should want them to win and succeed. He said that if the guy does succeed, then the country succeeds. Howard said that it's just a very weird statement to make.
Howard had some audio of Rush making this speech at this event he was speaking at and he was bragging about how he has guts to say this stuff. Howard said that Rush is such a dysfunctional guy. He said that he was on oxycontin and now he has to wear a huge hearing device. Howard said that the guy is all big and fat again too.
Rush was doing his impression of a gay guy in the clip and he was just doing a Sylvester the Cat impression. Rush was saying that he doesn't want the country to fail, he just wants Obama to fail. Howard said that he makes no sense.
Howard played some more of Rush talking about this whole thing and he was comparing it to the Super Bowl. Howard said that he wasn't making sense making that comparison. Howard said that Rush says he didn't want the Cardinals to win, he wanted them to fail. That's the same thing about him wanting Obama to fail.
Howard said that he heard Sean Hannity saying that he thought Rush was very funny in that speech. He said that he tried to find a joke that he told. He said that he kind of found a joke that he told. Rush was saying that people think he's pompous and arrogant but he doesn't think that's the case at all. Then he told a joke that wasn't funny at all. Howard said it was an old joke but the audience went nuts for it.
Howard played some audio from Rush's audio book that they had edited together to make him say stuff about blowing black men and things like that. Robin said that he still wasn't funny.
Howard said that was Rush ''being funny.'' He said that was pretty amazing. Robin said that now she knows why people were jumping out of their seats.
Howard said that he was reading that Guy Ritchie is out of his relationship with Madonna now and he's calling her ''it'' instead of Madonna.
Sal came in and said that they did hang out a little bit. He said that his wife wanted to go to the after party and he wanted to go out to the casino.
Howard said he heard a story about Sal getting up this morning and seeing the snow. He wasn't able to get his car started. Sal told his wife that he wasn't able to get the car out so he wasn't sure what to do. Sal said this was at 4 in the morning. Howard said that Sal's wife was outside getting the car out of the snow to make sure he left. Howard said that she doesn't do anything for him around the house but she wants him out of the house so bad that she was out shoveling the snow.
Howard asked Sal what went through his mind. Sal said that she was shoveling the snow like there was buried treasure underneath. Sal said she got the car started and there wasn't a bit of snow on it at all. He was also saying that she started her truck just in case his car wouldn't get moving. She told him to use her truck if the car wouldn't get out.
Sal said that she was willing to drive him to the train station if the car didn't make it. Sal said that she doesn't have to work today so she was going to be home alone if he wasn't there. Howard wondered if she has something going on in the house. Sal said he doesn't know.
Sal thinks that she just doesn't want his company. Howard was thinking it might be darker than that and she might have company coming over. Sal said that she won't even get up to do anything for him in the house if he asks her to. Today she was out shoveling snow like a mad man.
Artie didn't think that Sal's wife would have anyone over to the house while the kids were home. Sal said that he doesn't think she'd do that either.
Sal said that there was one day when his wife asked him to fix their swingset and he wasn't able to do it. She ended up calling her emotional friend to fix the swing set. Howard said that's outrageous. He said that out of everyone, she had to call that guy? Howard said that there had to be flirting going on. Sal said that was back before he found out about the emotional friend thing.
Howard asked if the kids prefer him over at the house over Sal. Sal said he doesn't think that the guy is going to be coming over or anything. He said it was very strange to see her working that hard to get him the fuck out of the house. Howard said that he should call her and tell her that he's coming home right now.
Sal said that he had a lot of fun at the casino over the weekend. He said that he had some alone time up there. Howard asked Sal if the emotional friend is working at the same school as she is. Sal said that he doesn't think that he's still at the same place.
George asked Sal why he stays with her. Sal said he loves his wife and she's a great mother. He said that he got some action up at the casino but she was drunk off her ass. He said that she may not have even known who was with her.
Howard asked Artie what he was eating. Artie said he was eating a turkey burger or something. the guys said that he was eating a lot this morning.
Artie said that they had a few guys going up there to Foxwoods and this guy who flies it knows what he's doing. He's very cautious when they fly. Artie said that he was in a zone and he wasn't listening to anything that was going on. The flight was about 50 minutes and out of nowhere the casino just rises up out of the woods. Artie said that it was dark out and the pilot was circling a bunch. The guy was in a bit of a panic so he asked him what was wrong. They had no lights on at the helipad. The guy didn't know where to land without the lights on.
Artie said that they didn't have any radio communication and they weren't able to see where to land. It turns out that they were late so they turned off the lights and just left. He said that they were only 30 minutes late.
Artie said that they weren't answering them down there and they were just circling the hotel. Artie said that his buddy texted someone down there and told them to get someone out there. Then the pilot looked around for someone with a big back yard and landed. Artie said that there was someone burning garbage outside and it was like they were in the most rural area. He said that they didn't have any wires around the house so they just landed in this big field.
Artie said that these people were having dinner in their house and they landed in their back yard. Artie said that they just showed up out of nowhere. Artie said that he wondered what the fuck was going on because they were never out of control or anything.
Artie said that the deer were scattering and they land in this open field. The people come running out and they had no idea what was going on. Artie said they were the nicest guys around and they were wondering if they had a problem. Artie said that the people had no idea what the Foxwoods was even though they can see it from their house.
Artie said that they went into this guy's house and the guy was very suspicious of everything they were talking about. Artie said the guy wouldn't even give him his last name. The guy said that the guy had heard of Howard Stern but he wanted to know who he was. Artie said that he works with Howard Stern and then the guy was telling him to have a beer. Artie said that he told the guy he's on the wagon but he kept telling him to have a beer.
Artie said the pilot called the Foxwoods and they turned the lights on. He said that they had to go back out to the helicopter and fly out of there. He said they got back into the chopper and they had to do this 110 percent power thrust to get straight up and out of there. The pilot told Artie that he had to get out of there or he wouldn't be able to get off the ground. He said that they were about 300 pounds overweight. Artie said that the two other guys weren't that much added up together.
Artie said that he weighed so much that he was holding down the helicopter. Artie said that they had to ask the guys at the house to drive them to the gig. Artie said that they ended up leaving the chopper in the guy's back yard.
Artie said that all of the guys got into this guy's van while they left the helicopter over there. One guy kept asking if they wanted him to fly it over there for them. The pilot, Mike, told the guy to just leave it there and not touch it.
Artie said that the guys all drove them over there so Artie offered to give the guy a free room or something. Artie said that the guys pulled them up to the casino there and he gave him $500. Artie said the guy told him to get the fuck out of there. Artie said that this house was barely a house. He said that it was like a log cabin with no electricity.
Howard asked why they left the helicopter there in the yard. Artie said that he does security too so that's why he went along with them. Artie said that Mike got back to the helipad later on and they were all good. Howard said that was some story he was telling them.
Artie said that this guy also has a jet so they're going to fly that up to Niagara Falls. Howard asked him how that works. Artie said that he pays the guy a fee and for fuel and that's how they work that all out.
Artie said that this guy is good at what he does and he knows what he's doing and how to keep people away from him. Artie told the story about how he met this guy Mike back in 1993 or so. He said that Mike came up to him about a year ago and told him this story about how he was a cop and he had arrested him back in 93. He said that he was so drunk that they just left them to sleep in their cars with their hands cuffed. Artie didn't remember meeting the guy back then because he was so drunk.
Artie said that the guy saved his life back then and now he's back in his life saving it again. Artie said that this is also the guy who shot Ol' Dirty Bastard. He said that the guy has great stories to tell and he wants him to come on the show and tell them.
Artie told the story about this guy Mike shooting Ol' Dirty Bastard and how that all went down. He said that they actually open fired on the cop car so the cops had to shoot back and this guy Mike shot Ol' Dirty Bastard.
Robin said that the story about landing in that open field was wild. Artie said that some people said they would have been scared. Artie said that he was kind of annoyed about the way they were circling and weren't landing. He said that they weren't saying anything about why they were doing that.
Howard asked George to do an announce before they went to break. George read some of his lines as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said he thought that George was out in the hall with Artie. George was sitting right there. Howard said he had some William Shatner audio clips to play. He did an interview with his daughter recently and she asked him why George Takei hasn't been on his interview show. George said that he just won't do it. He said he hasn't been asked to do it yet though.
Howard played the clip where Shatner talked about the process that George has to go through to do that interview. He said that George has to be vetted before he can have him on. He said that they're in the middle of finding out more information about him as they speak. Shatner said that he knows that George will come on the show and he will want to do it because he will be very gentle with him.
Howard asked why Shatner has to say things the way he does. George said that Bill has always given him a hard time over the years. He said that he's always pronounced his last name wrong on purpose.
Howard and George talked about the show and George said that he would turn down the offer to go on that show. He said that Bill complained that he didn't get an invitation to his wedding but they actually did send him one. George said that when he admits he needs him, he will just say no.
Howard said that George is very hot right now. He said that his star is very hot. George said that he's going to be in a new movie that's coming out soon. He also did ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'' in another country. Howard said he heard that George got into some trouble when he peed next to the tent out there. George said that the first three days there were horrific. They were in a rain forest and it was raining for days at a time.
George said that he thought it would be an interesting challenge to go there and have that experience. He said that they entered the forest by sky diving. He said that he never thought he would do that himself. George said that he did have someone strapped to him though. Howard said he would have told them to fuck off if they tried to make him do that.
Artie said he wouldn't do that either. George said that Artie would plummet down. He said that they had to exist on beans and rice so it was very tough. He said that he got paid very well to do the show though.
Howard found out that George ate kangaroo penis during that show. George said that he ate cockroaches too. He said that he didn't want to let the other people down on the show. He said that they had a bunch of other celebrities who had to do this stuff as well.
George said that Brad was staying in a 5 star hotel while he was out in the forest doing his thing. They had to drive him out to the rain forest to be there for him if he had been eliminated from the show.
George said that he had to beat off in the woods out there two times. Howard asked George how old he was. He's 71 and he still has to beat off. Howard said that you really have to be desperate to do that in an outhouse. George said that it really was awful.
Howard asked George if it was the worst thing he's smelled. George said that he's had other bad smells in his life so it wasn't the worst.
Howard asked George if anyone there was turning him on and making him feel sexy. George said that the guy from the soap Oprah that was on the show was turning him on even though he was straight. He said that he would think of that man and finish himself off. He was thinking about another man there as well. He said that he beat off once to each man. George said that he came in number 3 on the show in the end. He said that Martina Navratilova was second.
George said that Artie wrote in a book ''I'm gay... NOT!'' when he autographed it for him. He said that Artie was a very cute baby too. That led to the guys talking about how they were cute as babies too but they're not sure what happened. Howard said that he was very cute but then he grew up and got all bent over like a hunchback.
Howard said that he has lived with his face so long that even he thinks that he's handsome at this point. George told him that he is attractive. George said he likes Howard's height too.
Howard said that he sent Martina Navratilova a thank-you note and he hopes that she got it. Howard said she gave him something very nice for his wedding and he had to thank her. He said that he never heard back from her. George talked about some of the stuff that he and Martina were doing on that show they were on together.
Howard said that he was running out of time but he was going to take some more phone calls. Bong Hit Eric called in and congratulated George on his wedding. He also gave him an F-Marry, Kill. He gave him Beetlejuice, Elephant Boy and someone else. Howard told Eric that George had no idea who they were and that was silly.
Another caller asked George how many fingers he can get into his ass. George said it's about 3. Howard said that's a lot of fingers. He said that he's quite a man. George said that sometimes he might have to put things back there and he has to use the three fingers. That led to Artie laughing his ass off and trying to muffle his laughter in his blanket.
George asked Artie how he ended up with the last name of Lange with that Italian family. Artie said that his father wasn't Italian and it may have been a German name.
Steve said that they also checked up on Janks being evicted but he wasn't being evicted like he claimed he was last week. Artie said that maybe Steve should lay off of the guy because he's really harmless. Steve said that they have a bunch of clubs that have been ripped off and they're just bringing that up in the news. Artie said he knows that they've exposed it but maybe they should lay off a little bit.
Steve said that High Pitch owes a lot of money for rent and also has to come up with $3,400 to pay back to stay out of jail. Artie said he thinks that High Pitch is an infection and he shouldn't lay off of that one.
Steve said that they have some pictures of Eric posing with some fans at an appearance he made where he had 8 fans show up to meet him.
Howard said he saw Eric's foot and he thinks that it's reversed. He had Eric on the phone so he asked him what was going on with that. Eric said that it's not reversed, it's just to the side a little bit. Gary said that it's backwards in the picture.
Howard said that it was nice that he had the 8 people show up at his event. He said that Eric looks like he got mixed in with some other kind of insect or something. Howard showed Robin the picture and she thought it was turned around as well. Gary said that he thinks that it's not even a real sneaker, it might be a stunt sneaker.
Eric said that there is a foot in that sneaker and it's not backwards. All of the guys were checking it out and they were saying that it almost looked fake. George said that it looked like he was sitting on his leg in a strange way.
Gary said that he saw some pictures of the people who showed up to his appearance and they looked like they worked there. Eric said that they showed up after the 8 had come up to meet him.
Eric said that he's double jointed and there's nothing wrong with his foot. Eric said that it's part of his disability. Howard said he was just worried about him. Eric said that he's ''club fuckin' footed you asswipe!''
Howard asked why he had to make fun of him. He said he didn't know that. Fred was playing the clips of Eric calling himself names and Eric was getting all fired up over that. He was asking Fred why he has to play old bits like that.
Howard said he really doesn't know what Eric has. He said he was just concerned about him. Howard thanked Eric for the call but Eric wasn't saying much by that point. Eric told Fred he was the asshole who didn't know when the hell to shut up. He told Fred to find a new bit. Howard told Eric to look into doing more appearances.
Steve said they have some updates about the Beer Pong shoot and also had some information about Jimmy Fallon saying that the first book he downloaded to the Kindle 2 was Artie Lange's book ''Too Fat To Fish.''
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to them talking about George some more. George told Artie he wants him to go to the Metropolitan Museum to see the documentary about him and Brad. Artie said that he would actually like to see that. Howard ended up playing more of his snoring clips during Jon's rundown.
Gary said that Beth told him that there were some clips on that recorder that she sent in with Howard. She told him about some Bianca snoring clips too. Howard said that he couldn't figure out how to get clip 2 on there. He eventually got something to come out but he gave it to Gary to give to Scott to figure out.
Gary came back in and helped Howard figure out how to play the clip that Beth told him about. Beth had recorded Bianca snoring and it sounded kind of like a human snoring.
Robin read a story about a woman who had two babies in two different wombs. She had some news about Rihanna and Chris Brown getting back together. That led to Fred playing the ''Beat My Wife'' song parody that Sal created.
Robin had a story about a 9 year old who was raped and got pregnant. That's down in Brazil. Robin read that the guy who raped her was 23 and had been abusing her since she was 6.
Robin read a story about a mother who thought her baby inside a dryer was cute and left him in there as she ran off to get a camera. The child was slightly injured.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that maybe Beth was with another guy down in Florida and that's why her stomach hurt. Howard said maybe that was the reason. Artie said that Sal was signing some books that he was signing over the weekend ''Nick Gerz.'' He laughed when he told that story.
Robin read a story about a woman who was breast feeding her child and talking on a cell phone while driving her car. She was found to be driving other children around while she was doing that. Howard said he's seen people reading the newspaper while driving. He said that's insane.
Robin read some news about a search for a missing fishing boat with a couple of NFL players on board. She said that they went out Saturday and didn't return.
Robin read some news about Paul Harvey's death. She had some audio clips of Paul talking. That led to Howard goofing on the guy for a couple of minutes about the way he spoke on the air.
Robin had some news about that Rush Limbaugh stuff they were talking about earlier. They spent a few more minutes on that subject.
Robin had some news about Alex Rodriguez and his use of performance enhancing drugs. The guys talked about that for a couple of minutes as well. Artie was all over that story.
Robin read some news about some information about President Obama's helicopter being found on some computer in Iran.
Robin read some news about AIG possibly asking for another bail out. She had some audio of someone talking about that. During that story Howard was playing a bunch of Baba Booey clips and had some of a small child saying ''Baba Booey'' over and over again. Artie kept asking who it was but Howard didn't answer. Howard eventually said that it was Lucas Dell'Abate's first words. He was just kidding about that though.
Robin read some news about Britney Spears kicking off her latest tour. Robin said that Britney has two back to back number one singles on the charts. She played some of that song and that led to Artie doing an impression of her. Howard got in on that as well.
Robin said that U2 is going to be on David Letterman this week. Artie said that he's doing the show this week so he's excited about that. He said that they'll probably just hustle him out of there before he gets to meet them though.
Robin read some news about some movies and how they did at the box office this weekend. Robin also had some news about the Jonas Brothers movie not doing as well as Disney expected it to.
Robin also had some audio from Celebrity Apprentice where Dice got fired. Howard said that has to be a huge come down in his life to be on that show. Artie said he watched that show last night and it made Dice look like a boob. He said that it was really sad. Robin had some audio of Dice talking about being fired and all of that.
Robin read some news about Billy Joel going out on tour and then wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show a short time later and told George that it was great having him there. Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Scott was in and said that he's just trying to help his son make it. He said that he didn't ask Howard to play it on the air, he just values Howard's opinion. NO one believed Scott. They all seemed to think that he knew that Howard would play it on the air.
Scott said that he really just wanted Howard's opinion. He said that he gets a lot of shit from people but he will tell people what he thinks about it. He said that he doesn't tell them that it sucks, he'll just give them some advice.
Gary said that the liked what he heard from Scott's son. He said that maybe they can get it out to some people who can do something with it.
Scott said that he gave some of the CDs to the interns there and they all gave him positive feedback. He said that they all thought it was something that hey would hear on the radio. Scott said that Fred was kind of negative about it though. He said that Fred was saying that he could hear someone else singing the song instead of his son.
Jon said that they were all cracking up about how quickly Scott got the song up on the computer. Gary said that Scott had it up earlier in the show so he'd be ready to play them.
Gary said that he got an e-mail from a guy from Entourage and he was saying that they might be able to get it licensed to play on there. Gary said he's not sure it was legitimate though.
Gary said that they were talking to someone from Flo Rida's people who said that they sell a lot of ringtones and that's where they make money. They don't even care about the CD sales these days. Scott said he's sent out some copies to people who are in the business and they seem to like it.
Scott said that his son knows that the music thing might not work out so he's going to school and taking up a career that will help him out in the future.
Will showed up a short time later so Jon asked what broke up his threesome. Will said that one of the girl's friends was looking out for her and she told them to get off of her and they both ran off.
Will told a story about Richard meeting a girl out one night and bringing her back to his place. He said that Richard was sleeping over and the girl was blowing him right next to him in the room. He said that he pretended it wasn't happening.
Jon asked Will about some of the other threesomes he's had in his life. Will said that he's not gay and he's married now. George Takei was in so he asked Will about that. He gave Will a ''Bravo'' when he heard that he had gotten married.
Jon said that George kind of changed his mind in that conversation they had earlier in the morning. Will said that he wasn't looking for a threesome, it just kind of happened. will said he didn't think that it was gay in any way.
George said that he was amazed that Artie didn't read the whole book for his audio book. Gary said that it was a lot of reading for Artie to do. George said that when others read the book it's not the same as hearing Artie's voice because he has a very special way about him.
Jon asked George about what he found in the book. George talked about the things that made him laugh and cry in there. George said that he thinks that the stuff in the book shows why Artie goes to extremes with his eating, drinking and all of that other stuff. George said that it brought tears to his eyes.
Jon talked to George about the time he's spent with Artie. George told them some stories about hanging out with Artie and what they've gone out to see together. He said that Artie can be serious about some things and he sometimes gets very extreme about some of what he does.
Jon also asked George about Mike coming out of the closet and what he thought about that. Gary said that Mike is going for an 11 and he's really a 2 so he shouldn't be trying to hard. Gary said that he knows his own limits and he wouldn't try to go for an 11 because he knows that he's out of his league.
George said that Fred told Mike not to set his sights too high. George said that he used to be the same way when he was younger. He said that the reality will strike Mike eventually. George said that's all a part of the growth process. He said he told Mike to keep those sights set high.
High Pitch Mike came in so the guys spent some time talking to him about what he talked about on the air today. Mike said that he's learned that he was attracted to this guy physically in the beginning but now he's found that he makes him laugh and it is more personality driven than it was before.
Benjy asked Mike if he has told this friend how attracted to him he is. Mike said he has kind of told him that he is. He said he's given him hints and told him how good of a time they're having. Gary told him to step it up and tell him that he's in a ''bromance.''
Mike said that he has low self esteem so it's different for him to be out with a guy like that. Gary was kind of laughing while he was talking. Gary said that he was thinking about how if he hangs around with him long enough, he may get him drunk enough to fuck him.
The guys found out that Mike wasn't a virgin like they thought he was. Mike said that he lost his virginity when he was 24. Mike said that he was never really looking for a relationship in the past. He said that he would never tell people that he worked on the Howard Stern Show either. He said he didn't go to glory holes or anything like that either.
George said that he used to have anonymous sex and wouldn't give his real name out. George said that there were times when he was recognized. George said that he went to the baths out one night and he found this young man at the baths and the guy recognized him when they got together. George said that all of the excitement in his body was gone after that. He said he had to go after that. George said that he used to go by Greg Tamacki or Greg Tang.
The guys asked Mike if he ever sleeps with this friend. Mike said that they usually just go their separate ways after going out to breakfast.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this was the greatest Wrap Up Show in history. He said that George is so serious with his answers and it's great that it's Sulu talking about all of this stuff.
Jon asked George about his bank and how that's been working out. George said that they're doing okay but they really need to straighten things out with this economy. He said he's pulling for Obama to succeed. They spent a few minutes talking seriously about that stuff as well. George said that he believes that in the depression of the 1930s that they kept people working to keep things from getting even worse. George said that they might have to suffer this intense pain temporarily. Jon took a break a short time later.
Jon and George spent a little time talking about the show and shared some thoughts on what might happen with it.
Benjy asked George if he has ever played a gay character. George said that back in the early 1970s he did a movie where they were trying to find themselves. George said that he knew that he was different back then and he was going overboard with his characters and stuff.
George talked about shooting the movie and how they ended up selling it off. He said that it was called ''A Bicycle Made for Three'' but re-titled to ''The Young Divorcees.''
Jon brought up Howard's snoring tapes that they played this morning. They spent a minute on that but Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to know if George beats off to girls. George said that he doesn't do that.
Another caller asked why it's been so long since George was on the show. Gary said that it's George's schedule. Gary said that they have it in their budget to bring George on every quarter. George said that he's been crazy busy lately so that's why it was so long.
The caller also asked about Gilbert Gottfried and why he hasn't been on lately. Gary said that Gilbert just comes on when he needs to plug stuff. He said that he's not always in need of plugs.
Sal said that his wife called him today and she was very angry about what he said earlier. He said that he has said a lot on the show before and she doesn't get upset. Gary said he was just retelling the story that he had told him off the air.
Jon asked Sal what she was so pissed off about. Sal said that he's not sure what it was but she had that attitude toward him. He said that she asked him what he said about the snow and he filled her in on what they were saying about it. Sal said that she told him to let them know that she just shoveled him out so he could get to work so they wouldn't be bothering her at home. Sal said that his wife did a great job shoveling and she's damn good at it.
A caller asked Sal about what his wife is really doing at home and what he thinks was going on. Sal said that he thinks she just didn't want him around today because he's like another kid. Sal said that their marriage is okay most of the time. He said that he loves his wife and he has no problem with her right now.
Jon asked George what he thinks about this story. George said that there are many marriages like that and they just learn to live in tolerance. He said that it's not a lot different than other marriages.
George talked about his dinner out on Saturday night and how things went there. Jon had to interrupt him there because he kind of went off topic. George was just comparing his relationship to some people he had been hanging out with.
Jon and the guys asked George about the guys there that might be gay. George said that he thinks that Jared is very good looking. He said that he thinks that he is straight though.
Sal asked George what he sees himself doing when he sees a good looking guy that he wants to jerk off to. He asked him if he pictures himself bent over or something. Sal said that he pictures himself pushing a girl down and choking her with his cock and her loving it. George said that he doesn't picture that at all.
George said that he pictures a man nude and being with him. He said that he would be touching him and the guy going down on him. George said that might not happen but that's the picture he sees when he sees a hunk go by in a restaurant or something. Jon asked if Richard Christy sets off the gaydar. George said that doesn't happen with him at all. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying good morning to George Takei. He asked him to open up the show with an announcement. George read through his short script about the cursing on the show and how distracting it is to him. George asked why they can't get their point across without cursing and then he cursed about 10 times. Howard told him that was a nice read and that's why he's their announcer.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie was in town recently and she went out to dinner with Ralph and Robin. She has revealed something about Robin in a TV interview.
Howard was about to play that but he had to talk about how much he was doing his George Takei impression all yesterday. He said that he was doing his voice and started to talk like him. Robin said that she was saying ''Muscu-lay-ture'' all day long since he said that during the show. Artie said that he was going around trying to fuck guys all yesterday.
Howard had Kidd Chris on the line to give a plug to this comedian who came up with an idea for a bit that he did. He mentioned the bit when he was on the show last week. Chris said that the comedian was Brendan Walsh. That led to Howard talking about the bit that Chris told them about. Howard let Chris get in some plugs for the guy. Howard let him go after that.
Howard talked about some of the impressions of George that he does when he's home. He said that he does the voices that he does in the Ricardo Montalban prank call that Kidd Chris made to him. He said he only does the George Takei side of the phone call. Howard said he does the Ricardo voice in his head and George's voice out loud.
Howard asked Robin where she got that idea then. Robin said that she must have remembered it a different way than it came out.
Howard asked when she was dating the guy. Robin said it was before the holidays. Robin said they went out a couple of times. Howard said he must have been a booty call. Robin claims that she never had sex with the guy at all.
Howard asked Robin how far she did get with the guy. Robin said that was none of his business. Howard said he's kind of happy that he didn't bang her. Howard said that he did bring that guy to her though. Robin said that nothing happened.
Howard asked Robin what the problem was. Robin said that she was never going to date a 25 year old. She said that she once said that she wanted an inappropriately young man on her arm and that was it. She never said she wanted to sleep with the guy.
Howard asked if she ever went out and had the guy on her arm. Robin said that she did go out a few times and Fred saw her. She said that they went out to restaurants too. Howard asked Robin if she was telling the truth about wanting a 25 year old on her arm. Robin said that it was all a joke.
Robin said that she saw an unnamed actress out one night and this actress had a young man on her arm. Robin said that the guy looked like he was young enough to be her son's son. Robin said that she figured that women must get to an age where they think that they need that and it was all just a joke to her.
Howard said he didn't understand why Robin would do that. Robin said that the guy turned out to be a really nice guy and they had a great time together. Artie said he never trusted that guy and he thought he was a whack job.
Howard asked Robin how the relationship came to an end. Robin said that she can't help him out in any way figuring it out. Howard asked her if he just didn't give it to her. Robin said that there were some complications there that he found unacceptable. Robin said that these guys present the problems to the guy, not Steve Langford or anything like that.
Robin said that there was something on Howard TV that bothered the guy. She said that Gregg Karmel may have been calling him names and making fun of him. Howard said that the guy wanted to be on the show so he couldn't have had a problem with that.
Howard said that the Bachelor narrowed it down to two good looking women. He said that the guy proposes to one of them. Howard said that they were both hot but the guy had to pick one. Howard said that six weeks later the guy decided to tell her that he wanted the other chick. Howard said they had her back on the show and she was making out with her within seconds. Howard said that she had just been rejected 6 weeks ago and now she's making out with the guy and taking him back. Howard said they're both psycho.
Howard said that the guy had rejected the one girl and now she's back with him. Howard said that they were making out on the show and almost fuckin'. Howard said that he will never marry either one of them and it's just crazy.
Howard said they took this guy and made him into a king on the show. Howard said he must be feeling nuts after that. He said that's what makes it a great show though. He said it was very good television.
Howard said that the show is actually good. Robin said that Sal's wife is into that show too and she must be desperate for affection so that's why she watches.
Wheels said that Robin is dating Jim Florentine again. Howard asked how he knew that. Wheels said he was just breaking her balls. Howard said that Jim is going to be on the show tomorrow so it's his return. Howard said that Jimmy Fallon is coming in as well.
Robin said that she didn't know where she was supposed to be when they got there and she didn't have his number. Robin said that Laura had the number so they were able to get that worked out. Howard said that Robin is like Little Annie Fannie falling apart out there but everything comes together for her.
Gary said he really had no idea what Ralph was talking about. Robin said that she wasn't upset with anyone either. Howard figured that she was taking it out on Ralph but she said she really wasn't.
Joey said that Fallon just sucked and it was embarrassing for everyone. Howard said that Jimmy is a nice guy and it seems like they need to find a rhythm. Joey said they had years to come up with bits and they just sucked and they were the lamest shit ever. Joey told them about some of the bits that they did and they just weren't funny.
Artie said that Fallon is very talented and he was great on Saturday Night Live. Joey said that he wasn't that good on SNL either. Artie said he was great on that show. Artie told him that he'd gladly do his show if he wanted him to. Howard said he thought he said no to him already. Artie laughed and said he didn't say no to anyone.
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Robin said that the girl had puked all over herself and the ushers came over to help her out. Robin said it took them a while to get her out of there. Robin said that the puke sat there for a while and people were sliding all over it. Robin said that one woman ended up with vomit on her pantyhose.
Howard asked Robin about Star Jones and what happened with them. Robin said that Star was okay at first but then she must have realized who she was and there was some awkwardness. Robin said that Ralph told her that Star's boyfriend asked him why they didn't know each other. Robin said that Ralph told the guy that Howard may have said some stuff about Star so that's why they don't know each other.
Robin said that Star isn't her new buddy but she had a fun time with her last night. Howard asked her if she talked about the surgery she had to lose weight. Robin said that she had come clean about that in the past.
Robin said that Star did say that she didn't want to be talked about on Howard Stern the next morning. Howard said it's too late for that. Robin said that they just had a fun time and they didn't exchange phone numbers or anything. Howard said that this might be a new power friend. Artie said that Ralph probably got her number.
Howard asked if she's going to invite Star into her GNO (Girls Night Out) group. Robin said that she's not inviting anyone into that group. Howard asked if she was dressed up in a tennis outfit. Robin said that she wasn't and they were just there having a good time.
Howard asked Robin if she found out how Star met this guy she was with. Robin said that she didn't talk about any of that with her. Artie asked if anyone thought Ralph was her boyfriend. Robin said that she made it clear that he wasn't with her in that way.
Howard asked Robin if she would ever enema with Star. Robin said she's pretty sure that Star doesn't do that. Howard said that he can picture Robin hanging out with Star and he can imagine her being a big part of the GNO group. Howard told Robin to kick Jason out of GNO and put star in there instead. He said that she might just fit into Robin's plans.
Robin mentioned that she has met with the U.N. to find out what they're up to. Howard was still talking about the group that Robin could put together. He said that it should be Robin, Star Jones and Gayle King. Howard said that would be a power group. Howard said he's going to figure all of that out for her.
Robin said that she heard that Oprah was doing a show where she talked about things that people can do without. Robin said that Oprah isn't doing without anything so she's not sure how she can do a show on that.
Howard told Robin that she should steal Herb away from Star. Robin said that she's not looking to do that. Howard asked what Herb does. Robin said he's a chef. Howard said that would be perfect for her. Robin said that he'd have to cook vegan food for her.
Howard asked Robin about what Star looked like. Robin said that she looked great and she seems to be doing just fine. Howard told her that she should have Felicia Rashad too. Robin said that she doesn't seem like much fun.
Howard asked Robin why she didn't get a phone number. Robin said that they run into each other a lot so maybe they'll run into each other again sometime. Howard said that maybe Robin and Star will end up being really close and end up in bed together.
Howard asked Robin when she got home last night. She said it was around Midnight. Howard said that she's going to be crabby today. Robin said that she won't and she'll be just fine. Robin said that she's out almost every night during the week and she's fine every day. Howard asked her how late she stays out. Robin said it's not usually midnight but she can be out until 10 or 11. Then she gets up at 4 in the morning.
Howard asked Robin if Star was doing anything weird last night. Robin said that at one point Herb wanted to do the black handshake thing and Star told him to stop doing that because they were in the front row. Artie said that he knows how to do that handshake. Howard said they had someone in there doing that hand shake recently and he's just not into doing that.
Artie said that if you go to see ''Guys and Dolls'' then you're gay. George said he's going to see that tomorrow actually. George said that he heard it didn't get very good reviews. George also went to see a couple of other plays like ''South Pacific'' and things like that. Artie was laughing his ass off at that. He was covering up his face and laughing into some piece of fabric.
George and Howard were singing some songs from some of those plays they were talking about. Howard said that George also revealed some of the aliases that he used to use when he was going to the gay bath houses. Howard played that clip as well.
Artie asked George if he was going out and fucking a lot when they were shooting Star Trek. George said that it wasn't so much during that because they were so busy doing the show.
Howard said that Robin has some life going out and watching tennis, ordering $800 wine and hanging out with Star Jones.
Howard played some Regis and Kelly audio clips where they had some guy pranking them and giving them fake names like ''Fawn DelMajunk'' and ''Clea Torres.'' Howard said that they don't even know what they're reading in those clips. Howard said that they must be being pranked and they have no idea.
Howard said that they've been getting a lot of e-mail. He read one from a guy who said that his wife gets sick when she hears Richard Christy on the show. There was one e-mail about Scott DePace and his ''traitorism.'' Howard said that he finds it shocking that Scott wants the President to fail. Howard read through some of the e-mails from the fans who weren't too happy with what Scott has to say when he's on the air.
Howard read through a bunch of the Scott DePace e-mails and only one person was in support of that Rush Limbaugh stuff they talked about.
Howard had some e-mail feedback about George Takei sitting in this week. Howard read through a bunch of the positive e-mails about that. The fans all seem to like George but Howard said they did get one negative one. It was one guy saying that he threw up his breakfast hearing all of the gay talk.
Howard said that some people were sickened by Sal's ''rape'' story that he told on the air. Howard said that Sal was only kidding about the girl only being 11. She was 18. Howard said that some people were upset that Sal joined in on having sex with a girl who was impaired. Sal said that the girl wasn't drunk, he was drunk. Sal said that she was never drunk. Sal said the girl didn't have a problem with him banging her either.
Howard read through a bunch of mail about Sal's story. Gary asked Sal how he knew that she wasn't drunk. Sal said that she wasn't passed out or anything and she was fully aware of what she was doing. Sal said that they used to drink with this girl and she would end up fingering herself at the table while they were all drinking. Sal said that she might have been drunk but they didn't take advantage of a drunk girl. Sal said that she was a problem child and she was kind of slutty and a grade a pig from top to bottom. Sal said that she accused them of doing something that they didn't do.
Sal said that if that girl had gone through with the charges, he'd probably be in jail right now. Howard thanked Sal for that fascinating story.
Howard replayed the prank call that Sal made to that ''Tradio'' radio show where they sell stuff on the air. Howard said that Sal and Richard called the place and tried to sell some stuff like Jewish teeth from World War II from the concentration camps. Howard played the call and said that it was the greatest thing ever. He ended up goofing on the way the announcer was speaking and did impressions of him for a short time. The announcer just says ''okay... okay...'' when Sal tells him about the gold teeth he's trying to sell.
Howard said that the guy doesn't flinch when Sal says that he's got ''Jew teeth'' to sell. He was also saying that he had Milton Berle's used urine to sell and the guy didn't seem to flinch at that either. Howard said that the second call was Richard and he started laughing in the middle of the call and wasn't able to recover.
Howard said that Richard is really strange and he was out sledding yesterday with kids. He played the call that he made to that Tradio show after talking about that for a short time. George Takei was laughing through most of the call. Richard ended up laughing his ass off so much that he couldn't finish the prank call.
Howard did his impression of the host of that show for a short time. He goofed on the guy about his pronunciation of some of the words he was saying. They laughed about the call and the way the guy talked for a couple of minutes. Howard had to take a break after that.
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Howard played the prank call that Sal and Richard made with the snoring clips. Howard said that it's not easy to make a call like that with snoring. In the call Sal calls a restaurant to make an order but falls asleep as he's giving it. That's when the snoring clips come into play. They called up a couple of times and placed some more orders. They used Artie's snoring clip in that as well.
Howard said that he likes that they called the guy back and had the snoring playing like someone could dial the phone while they're asleep.
Howard said that Artie and George were both missing. They seem to be very loosie goosie around there lately. He said that it's not very professional to just saunter back into the studio. Howard asked George to do another announce when he finally did come back in. George said that he and Artie were out in the hall talking about theater.
George read another announcement which was pretty quick. He said the word ''asshole'' kind of funny so Howard picked up on that and goofed around with him about that. Howard said that he really does walk around talking like George all day long and he loves it.
Howard said that he doesn't know how Robin can be going out and staying up so late and not be exhausted. He said he naps after the show every day. He said that he's thinking about putting a bed back in that office because all he does back there is sleep. Howard said that it's nice and quiet back there. He puts on his sound machine in there and just sleeps.
George asked Howard if he's working out. Howard said he is so George figured that could be part of the problem. Robin said that she exercises as well. Howard said he's seen Robin's ''exercise'' and it's more of a walk than a run. Howard said that he's seen her out a few times and she's always walking. Robin said that she runs now and that was just when she was getting back into running. Howard said that he's also probably running farther than Robin is. Robin said that he doesn't know that.
Howard said that maybe Robin doesn't feel the same pressure with the show that he does. Robin said that might be right. Howard said he has to take at least two calls a day about what to do with Artie. He said he has more stress than she knows. Robin said that she's been in on some of those meetings lately too.
Artie said that they should just get rid of him. Artie said that he's trying to get fired. He said he was just joking about that just seconds after saying it. George said that he thinks that Artie is looking good and doing well. Artie said that he's doing Letterman tonight so he's all worked up about that. He said that this is his 7th time doing the show so he has some material to go over with the pre-interviewer.
Howard said that he keeps getting invited on that show and he just has to say no. Howard said that there's nothing that he wants to say on the show. He said that he could do it but he's not sure he wants to go on. He said there's no point to go on. Howard said that his agent has even said that he hasn't been on in like a year. Howard said Scott Greenstein wants him to go on but if that's their plan to sell radios, they're screwed.
Howard said he's just not into going on the show. Artie said he agrees that it might not sell a lot of radios. Howard said he might go on again. He's not sure.
Artie asked if they ask him to do 3 segments like he's done the past couple of times. Howard said that they don't ask him to do it, they just keep him out there.
Howard said that he could probably go on without any preparation but he's not like that. Artie said that the worst thing is going on that show and then going on the internet and reading about the appearances. Artie said that's why he's glad that he doesn't want to have a computer.
Howard said he was watching Conan O'Brien's last show, which was very good and he enjoyed, and then he watched Letterman and Letterman was looking very old compared to Conan. Howard said he's not sure why Dave would want to continue doing that show. He said that it's going to be terrible for his ego if Conan beats him. Howard said that Dave has been around forever and he should be able to beat the guy.
The guys talked about Leno leaving the Tonight Show and Conan taking over for him. Howard said that he was thinking about this and if he wasn't beating Leno, he'd be really upset. Howard said that if Conan goes on and beats Dave, Dave is going to stroke out.
Howard said he thinks that it will be so bad for Dave if he guest beaten that he'll kill himself. Artie said he won't do that. He said that he thinks that Dave has that kid at home and that's why he wants to get out of the house. He said that he thinks that Dave is happy having that kid at home too. Howard said he bets that Dave has only spoken to that kid like 3 times.
Howard said Dave is going to be suicidal if he doesn't beat Conan. Robin asked Howard if he thinks that Conan is going to beat him. Artie said that Dave might just like losing because he can make fun of himself about that stuff. Artie said that he has done that in the past like when he was number 3 in the late night ratings. He said they put up a big billboard with Dave waving and giving that goofy smile of his and it said ''Late Night... Number 3 Talk Show.''
Howard said that if Dave called him and asked him to be on that first night that Conan is on, he'd do it. He knows that Dave will never call him personally to ask him to do that.
Howard said that Beth was on Letterman's show until he started dating her. Then they stopped calling her to be on the show. Howard said they were paranoid that he was going to find out something secret behind the scenes or something. He said that Beth is so not like that though. He said that she wouldn't have told him anything from behind the scenes.
Artie said that they all love Beth over there. He said that every time he's there the hair and make up people ask him how Beth is doing. Howard said that they have the balls to say that his dating Beth has nothing to do with why they stopped calling her. Howard said that he knows that it was because of him and they just lie to him and claim it wasn't because of that. Artie said that he's going to ask the hair woman what she thinks. Howard said that she'll be afraid to say anything in fear of being fired. Howard said that they're not even allowed to look at Dave. Artie said that's not true. He said that he doesn't think that Dave is a happy guy but he doesn't know if that's true.
Artie said that he's a fan of both Howard and Dave and he's kind of bummed that they're not happy and he knows that they're both fucked up.
Howard said that Conan's first show isn't until June. He wondered why they have to drag it out until then. Gary said that they're going to try to get Conan in there in the next couple of weeks. Howard said that he will go on Conan's show if he wants him to. He said he won't do the first show because he won't do that to Dave. Howard said that he'll do Dave on Conan's first night. Howard said that he thinks that Dave thinks Conan is a hack. He said that true competitors don't like each other and that's why Dave doesn't like Conan.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that there's a horse named after Artie going by the name of ''Baby Gorilla'' and the owner is going to try naming his next horse ''Baba Booey.'' Baby Gorilla is going to be racing this weekend. Artie said that he's fine with that name too and it's a happy memory for him since Don Rickles was the one who said it to him (in Dirty Work.)
Lisa said that they have a story about Ashlee Simpson talking about Pete Wentz being on the show and what she thought of the interview. She apparently said that she loved it.
Howard read some of the notes that she included about herself. She was on heroin for awhile and she was molested and raped by her half brother when she was younger. Amy said she used drugs to cover up her emotions. Howard said that this was getting too sad and he didn't want to have her on the show if she's gone through that stuff.
Howard asked Amy if they could bring her half brother in and have him run the Sybian while she rides it. She said that she would probably kill him if he was there.
Howard asked Amy if she would put ice cubes in her panties and keep them in there for 5 minutes. She said that she would. Howard said he can imagine her going into shock and dying from that so he won't do that. Howard asked Amy if she would lick chocolate sauce off of Richard's taint. Amy didn't sound so happy about that. Amy said that as long as her boyfriend can come in, she's willing to do anything.
Howard asked if she would punch a holocaust survivor in the face. Amy said she would do that, she's German. Howard asked if she would dress up as Hitler and go into a Jewish neighborhood trying to sell pork. Amy had no problem with that either.
Howard asked if she would let Beetlejuice impregnate her. She said that she doesn't think that's possible. Howard asked her if she would sing ''Cockieokie'' into Sal's penis. Amy said ''sure'' to that one as well. Amy said that she would be willing to pee in a diaper, vomit on Jeff Levy, have her head dunked into a toilet and a couple of other things. Howard said he felt bad making her do all of this stuff in light of her life story.
Howard asked her if she would sit in a room with Fred for an hour. She was up for that. She was also up for smacking herself in the head with a douche bag. Howard told Amy that he would have to get back to her on this. She put her boyfriend on the phone a few seconds later and he was saying that she's a real party and he got her into the show like 2 years ago. Amy got back on the line after that.
Howard asked Amy if she would sit in a room with Jon Hein and talk about 1970s TV for an hour. She said she would do that but she'd have to take notes. Howard said that he's heard it's almost impossible to stay in a room with Jon in a discussion like that.
Howard let Amy go a short time later. George said that he felt like they should all be in a shower after doing something like that. Howard went to break after that.
Howard and Fred talked about how great Jack Bruce was too. Howard was saying that Jack Bruce could play chords on the bass and that's just amazing. Artie had no idea what they were talking about. Howard said that its' amazing that he was able to do that but even he's not sure what it means. Fred said that what's even more amazing is that he played chords on the bass and sang too.
Howard said that Prince is one of the best guitar players around even though he doesn't want anyone to see him. He said that he's an asshole but a great guitar player.
Howard said that he was reading about a book about the Rolling Stones and he really doesn't care to read about any of that stuff. He doesn't care enough to read a whole book about their lives. Artie said he's read some cool books and one of them, ''Exile on Main St.: A Season in Hell with the Rolling Stones'' was really good. He told Howard about some of the stories in that book and said that it was really interesting to him.
Artie said that the guys in the rolling Stones get paid $250,000 each to show up and do meet and greet appearances. Howard said that he'd love to have gigs like that. Howard said he'd feel like a real asshole to go and pay that kind of money to meet and shake someone's hand.
Howard said that Dice has sold out Madison Square Garden and it had to be a big come down. Artie said that Dice mentioned that he sold that place out a bunch of times in that Apprentice show. Artie said that Trump was basically laughing at all of these people on the show. He said that Trump's kids were all laughing at them as well. He said it makes you want to crawl through the TV and strangle them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show has been great lately but it goes up another level when George comes on. That led to Howard asking George if Brad got upset with him for some of the stuff he was saying on the show yesterday. George said that he wasn't listening but someone will probably tell him what he said. Howard said that maybe people will keep their mouths shut about that stuff.
Howard was referring to George having shit on his cock after fucking Brad in the ass one time. Howard was also surprised about George having put three fingers into his ass. Howard asked him why he would need to stick that many fingers in there. George said he was going to take a cue from Robin and keep his mouth shut. He told Howard that it was none of his business.
Howard asked George how far in he can put those fingers. George asked him if he would like to find out. Howard said ''sure.'' Artie told George that Howard wants him to say stuff like this when he's on the show. That's what he does to every guest.
Howard asked George if he was saying that this wasn't about masturbation and it was just medicinal. George laughed his ass off when he said that. He wasn't answering.
Artie told Howard that Frank Miller wrote that movie ''300'' so he thinks that it might be kind of like that. Artie said that he liked that movie. Howard said that George must have liked that one too because there were a lot of naked guys on that.
Howard said that Steve the Intern and Jason are big Watchmen fans so they're going to see the movie on Thursday night at midnight.
The caller on the line said that he has a phone that will write for him as you speak into it. Artie said he has that in his phone but he's never tried it. Howard asked the guy how often he gets the words right. The guy said that it works pretty good.
Howard said he doesn't believe it. He said he has this Wildfire phone service and it never recognizes what he says when he calls it. He said that he'll ask the service to ''Call Beth'' and it will say ''Did you say call Beth?'' and things like that. He said he wants to throw the thing out the window.
Artie said that he had his phone set up to type the words. Artie said that he doesn't know how to get to it so he told him to get someone else in there to try and work it. Jason came in and said that he might be able to figure it out. Jason said he'd look into it.
Howard said he ordered a computer that has pad on it that you can write on and it turns into text. Howard said that he knows it probably won't work right. Sal came in and said that he has voice recognition on his phone. He said ''Call Nick Gerz'' into his phone and it repeated ''Calling Nick Gerz.'' Howard said that Sal didn't get what they were talking about. Sal said that he just wrote the name into his phone and it recognized what he said. Sal said he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard asked Sal if it's true that his wife's name in his phone was ''cheating cunt.'' Sal said that it was for a while but he had to take it out because his wife got mad at him for having it in there like that. Sal said that he was going to check and see if it was in the phone. He found it and told the phone to call ''cheating cunt'' and the number was in there.
Howard played the clip where the guests on the show were talking about what this country needs to do about energy. Gilbert was sitting in and said that he didn't hear anything about what they just said, he was day dreaming. Howard said he thought that was pretty funny.
Howard played another clip where the guests were talking about President Obama and Hannity asked Gilbert if he was listening at all. Gilbert said that he was checking out the chick that was talking and she was pretty hot. He was also saying that he was told that if he sat there long enough he could get a Hannity t-shirt, he was just sitting there killing time.
Howard said that there were a bunch of other funny clips to play. He had one where Gilbert was talking about baseball and the names of the players like ''Who's on first...'' Gilbert was also talking about his penis being small enough so he can't use steroids. Gilbert said that if he was any smaller then he'd have a vagina. They said that was the first time those words had been said on that show.
Howard said that his father would hate Gilbert because he wants to hear serious answers to questions like that. He said his father would just be annoyed.
Artie said that Jason just told him that he doesn't have that text feature that they were talking about. Howard said that Artie thinks that his phone will write down what he's saying and he has no idea that it didn't do that.
Howard sial that Ralph has the best ringtone. He said he has Dominic's voice saying ''Mayday, Mayday'' on his phone. Artie said he wants that little kid saying ''Baba Booey'' that they played yesterday. Howard played that again. He joked that it was Gary's son's first words.
Howard said that Hate Man also left a message for them. That led to them talking about how they think that the guy had called into the Mad Dog show recently and acted very normal. Artie said he wants the news team to look into that.
Howard played Hate Man's voice mail and he was talking about the chimpanzee attacking the woman and how that was Robin's cousin. Then Hate Man started to go off on Robin calling her all kinds of names.
Robin said that she wants to get the guy on the show. Will came in and said that Hate Man left a message saying that he wasn't the one who called into the Mad Dog show. Howard said that maybe they should do voice analysis on that. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked George to do a quick announce. George read his script that was about being a gay married man.
Howard had the guys bring in Andrew Dice Clay after that. Howard said that he was on Celebrity Apprentice and he was the first to be kicked off. Dice was wearing sunglasses and he said he was wearing them because they had to give him a shot in his eye. He said that he had fluid in his eye and they weren't sure why he had that. Dice said that his eye was messed up months ago and he had to get that fixed.
Dice said that it was his right eye and it was fucked up. He said that if he closed it then people would look like they were from another planet.
Dice asked Artie if he was happy with his book sales. Artie said he was but he had a mouth full of food. Dice said that he sees Artie's book all over the place in the book stores. Artie said that he'd like an autographed copy if Artie had one.
Howard asked Dice if it was true that he asked Shuli to open up for free for him. Dice said that he was asking for a lot of money and he really had no idea who he was. He said he didn't know who the guy was so he was asking for a lot of money.
Shuli came in and said that they called him and asked him what his price was or if he would like to open up for him because it's the honor of opening up for him. Shuli said that it wasn't Dice who said it himself.
Howard said that he heard that Dice interrupted Shuli in the middle of his act. Shuli said that it was right before he went out there and Dice was telling him to ask the audience how many people were there from Canada, since they were in Toronto, and hockey and stuff like that. Shuli said that Dice asked him to do a bunch of stuff like that and he bombed. Dice said that he asked him to do it as a goof and he got to laugh at him back stage.
Dice said that he likes to stop people from laughing sometimes. He said that he'll throw a bomb out in the middle of his act just to make people stop laughing.
Dice said that Don Jamieson has told him that it's amazing that he doesn't care if he gets laughs. Don likes to get laughs and Dice couldn't care less about it. Dice said that he likes to have Shuli talking about the kind of music he's going to be playing and watching the audience wondering who the fuck this guy is.
Shuli said that he was up on stage doing what Dice told him to and bombing. Shuli said that he got to do his regular thing up on stage the next night. Dice said that Shuli is great and he's going to be doing more shows with him.
Dice said that the comedians don't know when the next guy is going to be coming on stage so he just sends guys up on stage to do their act. That's what he did with Shuli one night. He just interrupted his act. Dice said that it's all about doing it for comedy's sake. He said that Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson did their act together one night. He said that the two of them stayed on stage for 15 minutes together. Dice said that they were doing great and the audience was dying.
Shuli said that he knew that Don was going to come out at some point and he kept looking over his shoulder to see if he was going to pop out after every joke he did.
Shuli started to walk out of the studio but Dice asked him where he was going. Dice said that he wanted Shuli to talk about how great his album was. Shuli said that Dice mic'd the thing so you can hear the audience speaking over him. dice said that the album will be available on AndrewDiceClay.com
Howard said that it must have been tough for Shuli to bomb like that. Shuli said that it was an honor to open for Dice. He left after that. Dice said he figured they didn't need Shuli anymore because he had just walked out.
Howard asked Dice about this Apprentice thing. He said that some might say that he wasn't very serious about doing that show. Howard said that Dice went on and purposely didn't try very hard. Dice said he got the call the night before they did that show where they asked him if he wanted to do it. Dice said they get a huge viewership on that show so he figured it would be good for him.
Dice said that he used to work for Trump in the past so he knew him through working at his casinos. That led to him talking about how he used to lose a ton of money gambling at the casinos. He said that he was betting like $100,000 a hand back then. He said that there were times when he lost like $700,000 in a night.
Howard asked Dice why he went on The Apprentice and didn't try. He said that he gets annoyed when he sees some of these people going on shows like that and not trying. Dice said that he doesn't like doing stuff like that where he has to read lines. Dice said that he just want on for the huge viewership and his fans would get to see him a little bit.
Howard said that Dice doesn't listen and he was just trying to tell him that he shouldn't have done the show if he didn't want to try.
Dice said that he's the nicest guy in the world and Howard has to know that. Howard said he didn't know that. Dice told Howard that he had to drag his dick out of his girlfriend to get on a plane to be on that Apprentice show. Howard said that he wanted him to be serious about this.
Howard asked Dice why he went on the show if he didn't want to win. Dice said he just wanted the huge viewership. Howard asked him why he didn't want to win. Dice said he wasn't letting him get to that. Dice said that he got to the place where he was going to do The Apprentice and he had to do some press. He said that his kids figured he could do pretty well on the show. Dice said he figured that he could do good on the show. Howard kept asking him why he didn't try then. Dice said he wasn't letting him answer.
Howard said that Dennis Rodman beat Dice. Dice said he doesn't give a fuck if he's there or not. Howard said that he didn't get to stay on for more than one show.
Dice said that he got to shake Donald Trump's hand on the show. He said that he went to shake his hand and he gave him the Presidential hand shake. Dice said that he didn't like the hand shake. He said that he was busy talking to other people instead. Dice said that he knows the guy but he wasn't treating him very well. Dice said they shot the beginning of the show after that. He said that what they didn't show is what people missed. He said that Donny's whole thing was about fucking with him and they edited it in a way that made it look different.
Dice said that while they were shooting this show Trump asked him if he was still into girls. He didn't talk him up like he was doing for everyone else. He said that he didn't say that he was a world renowned comic or anything like that. Dice said that it seemed like Trump was trying to set him up right from the start.
Dice said that he grabbed Mark Burnett and told him that if he was setting him up that he should just let him go right then. He said that he warned the guy that if he fucked with him that he has the worst mouth ever and he would bad mouth them.
Howard said that Dice ruins relationships all the time and he's very self destructive. Dice said that's how he gets new relationships going. You have to end them somehow. Howard told Dice that he's paranoid. Dice said he's really not paranoid. Howard said that Trump's thing is to judge him. Dice said he didn't want to be judged. Howard said that he's the boss in that board room. Dice said that he wouldn't humiliate people like they do on that show. Howard said that Dice humiliates the comedians that work for him. Dice said that's different.
Howard asked Dice if he knew what the premise of the show was. Dice said he did. Howard said that he whole thing is for Trump to judge people and Dice is getting upset about that. Dice said that he was saying the wrong things to him.
Howard had a list of the co-stars on The Apprentice and he wanted to know what Dice thought of each of them. Dice said that Trump had said something about him demeaning women for a living in the board room and they didn't play that on the show. He said they edited that out. Dice said he was going to quit and they made it seem like it was quitting for another reason. Dice said that he doesn't stand for that shit, they just cut that stuff out.
Howard said that he understands now. Dice said that Trump did say that he wasn't a quitter after he had bad mouthed him. Dice said that Trump is actually a good guy and he likes him. He said that he did him a favor years ago. He said that he actually did his sister's roof. He said that he complained about his sister's apartment leaking and they actually went in and fixed it. Dice said that the next day they fixed the roof and that was a very cool thing.
Dice said he really felt like he was being set up on that show and that's why he was so upset about what went on. Dice said that he went on Inside Edition and bad mouthed him but he didn't want the guy treating him the way he did. dice said that he wouldn't speak badly about Trump in front of his kids the way he was speaking badly about him on a show that his kids were going to watch.
Howard asked Dice about Melissa Rivers. Dice said that she wouldn't hang out with him. Howard said that Melissa bad mouthed him about him talking about selling out Madison Square Garden a bunch of times. That led to Dice talking about how she looks like The Joker's daughter and goofed on her about the surgery she's had. Dice said that she's never done anything. Dice said that she might be fuckable if she's face down, but every chick is fuckable face down. Dice said he wasn't going to fuck with Joan but her daughter is another story. He said that she hasn't done anything with her life.
Dice said that Joan was talking about how her face cost $100,000 and he was thinking ''Get your money back'' when he saw her say that. Dice said that he didn't want to fuck with Joan because he has so much respect for her.
Howard asked Dice about Brande Roderick and what he thought about her. Dice said that he liked her and he met his new chick through Brande. Dice said that she could cut his foot off in the middle of the night and he'd forgive her.
Howard asked Dice about some of the other celebrities on that show. Dice didn't have anything bad to say about Chloe Kardashian. Dice said that he didn't like Annie Duke because she's so angry and hateful.
Howard asked Dice about Clint Black. Dice said that guy is a fuckin' bore. He said that the guy stands there like a shit kicker and he doesn't care how many albums he may have sold. Howard said he must have had a run in with him.
Artie said that Clint was kind of disrespectful to Dice. Dice said that the guy was trying to be funny but he wasn't funny. Artie asked Dice about Trump's kids and if he didn't like the way they were condescending to him. Dice said that he's not going to talk about his kids. He said that he's respectful about that stuff.
Ralph called in and said that he was down on Dice in the beginning but now he sees why he didn't want anything to do with the show. Howard said that Dice felt demeaned and that's why he wanted nothing to do with it anymore. Dice said that he felt like the show was fixed and it was like that movie ''Quiz Show.''
Ralph said that it could have been a great story line if Dice had stayed on. Now there's no reason to watch the show. Fred said he watched last night and his wife was upset that Dice had gotten kicked off. He said that Trump really wanted Rodman on the show and that's why they kept him on.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that they made the biggest mistake firing him like that. Howard hung up on her and gave Dice some plugs for his appearances at Caroline's on Broadway and some other upcoming gigs. You can find out more at Dice's web site AndrewDiceClay.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who was trying to do an impression of his mother. He ended up hanging up on him within seconds. Another caller said that he loves Dice and it's a shame that he keeps sabotaging his TV appearances. He asked him when he's going to box Danny Bonaduce. Dice said that Danny is his buddy, he's not going to box him.
Howard said that he heard that Dice doesn't like Jerry Seinfeld. Dice said that he never said that. He said that he thinks that Jerry is like the perfect stand-up comedian but he can't watch him for more than 3 or 4 minutes. He said the guy is good but he can't do stand-up like Jerry does.
Howard read that dice has 3 girlfriends. Dice said that he's going to get him into trouble saying that. He said that he did have a girlfriend around the time he was shooting The Apprentice but she broke up with him because he's so intense.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Dice is really good in bed or is he just bragging. Robin said that you usually don't brag if you are that good. Robin said that he's so self centered that he can't imagine him being that into what a woman wants.
Dice said that he always looks at the girls up and down and evaluates each relationship separately. Dice said that he met this girl at the Playboy Mansion and she was just 25 years old. Dice said he had pictures of her on his phone but he didn't have his phone on him.
Howard asked George what he thought about all of this. George said that he's a very unique man but he had no business being on The Apprentice. Dice ended up goofing on George about being gay and had the guys cracking up with his jokes.
Howard asked Dice if he's had any gay experiences. Dice said that he never has and he has no desire to have anything like that. Dice said that he even asks his women to grow hair down there so he doesn't feel like he's doing any thing illegal. Dice said that this girl he was seeing wasn't a Playmate.
Dice asked Howard why he had Donald Trump at his wedding. Howard said he likes the guy. Dice seemed upset that he wasn't at the wedding. Howard said that they haven't been talking much over the past 10-12 years. Dice said that they could have had a good time together.
The guys showed a picture of Beth up on the monitors and Dice was saying that was nice. Howard said that he likes his women shaved too. Dice said that he likes some hair down there but maybe not asshole hairs that might hit him in the head when he's down there.
Howard gave Dice some plugs and talked more about the Apprentice. They talked about Tom Green on the show Artie was saying that he had gained a lot of weight. Dice said that he likes Tom Green and he was the one who got Tom back into dating after Drew Barrymore left him. Dice said that he gets Tom the best pussy out there. He said that Tom is past that whole Drew thing now.
Dice asked Howard if he has a problem with Tom Green. Howard said he's had him on the show, he has no problem with him. Dice said that he wants to come on the show so he wanted to make sure that was cool. Howard said that's fine.
Howard was trying to wrap up with Dice but he was still trying to get Artie to help him out with the book deal and a bunch of tother stuff. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that it looked like George Takei and Dice were hitting it off. George said that it was hard for Howard to get a word in edgewise during that interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves when Dice is on the show. Howard said that they have him on whenever he's in town. The caller also asked when Howard is moving down to Florida. Howard said that he loves the weather down there but he'd be worried about the hurricanes down there. The caller said they only happen in the summer so he could come down in the winter. Howard said that they might get the cold up there in New York but they don't get those hurricanes.
Steve Langford came in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve had an update on Captain Janks and didn't appear at two different appearances he had booked this Saturday night. He did the same thing on Friday night. Howard said he has to talk to Janks and ask him what he's up to.
Artie said that he hopes that Steve can find another story to do instead of this Janks stuff. Artie said that he knows that Janks got involved in some stuff with drugs and he might be doing stuff that he normally wouldn't do. Howard said that Janks has said he's off of the drugs though.
Steve said they have a story about the Strip Beer Pong show they shot last week. He said that there was a lot of yelling and screaming and boredom going on during the shoot.
Steve said that they have a picture of Eric the Midget doing his meet and greet appearance last weekend. Howard said that he heard that Eric lied that there were 8 people there and it was actually only 6 and the other two were employees at the venue he was at.
Steve said that Artie is going to be on Letterman tonight and they will have reports from back stage with him. U2 is going to be on Letterman all this week so they'll also be in with Artie. Felicity Huffman is also going to be on tonight. Artie said that the band will be on after him and he's really looking forward to that.
Steve said that on this day in 1993 the Howard Stern Show debuted on WBCN in Boston. Howard said he loved being on that station up there. He said that they were great and he was so happy that he was on. Howard said that station was a great station and he actually does fall in love with some stations. Howard said he wishes that he had some sort of memorabilia from WBCN to hang in his office. He said that's how much he loved that station.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon did the usual list of items that they were going to try to cover today. He brought up the discussion they had with Robin this morning about dating the 25 year old and that led to Howard playing a clip of Robin talking about wanting to date an inappropriately young man. She didn't say she wanted to have sex with the young man in that clip but Howard thought that it was pretty telling about what she was looking for. Robin said that it was all jokes. Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show rundown after that.
The guys ended up talking about Artie's Letterman appearance. Howard had asked George what Artie can do to look better. George said that he would put him in something that doesn't make him look so big. He told him to wear a loose shirt and maybe a sweater draped over him.
Ralph said that Artie should wear a robe like Tony Soprano. Artie said that would be funny and he should do that with a bowl of ice cream on his stomach. Howard said he should do it. Artie said that he loved it when he did that scene where he was watching the History Channel with a bowl of ice cream on his stomach.
Ralph said that he loves hanging out with Robin but he's not sure why she does so much stuff. He said that she's always frantic and on the move. Robin said that she has no problem doing this stuff and she likes to go out with her friends and hang out. Howard said that Robin didn't know where her seat was last night and she's so busy socializing all day. Ralph said that she's busy getting her special juice drinks and stuff too. It turns into the whole day of getting her juice. Robin said that she get fresh juice and organic vegetables.
Ralph said that they had some nice food laid out at the event they were at last night and Robin was complaining about the food they had there. He said that she was complaining about the vegetables that they had laid out. Robin said that she wants to eat what she wants to eat and not what someone else picked out for her. Robin said that the smell of the chicken that Ralph was eating was gross. George said that she should smell the food that Artie eats all morning.
Howard said that Robin is going to burn out if she keeps this up. Robin said she has her times of rest. She said that one day she went to Pittsburgh and back in one day. She said that a friend of her's told her to ''pull an Artie'' and go in late the next morning. She said she got there the next day and Artie was actually out.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie to go on Letterman like Jackie Gleason used to. He said that he would go out in a robe. Howard told Artie he should wear a suit maybe. Artie said he doesn't want people to get used to the suit look on him. Howard said that he'd look much nicer in a suit. Artie said that it's just not him. Howard told Artie that this is what it's going to be then. He told Artie that maybe he should go out dressed like one of the cats from ''Cats.'' Howard told him that maybe he should go out dressed in a military outfit. Howard once went out dressed as a woman. Artie said that he might be going back to Iraq this year for the USO thing. He said it may happen again.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about impulsive kids in Kindergarten that go on to gamble. Artie said that the teachers told his parents that he just didn't care about anything.
Robin read a story about how doctors are helping parents out and making it possible to pick their baby's gender, hair and eye color. Howard said that you can't mess with nature like this and there are things that we don't understand about it that they shouldn't be screwing with. Howard said that he's read about how during war time more boys are born then girls are. He said that it's like Mother Nature knows what's going on and that's why these things change.
Howard said that he knew a woman who wanted to have a baby so bad and when she finally did she said that she was miserable. Howard said that she was overwhelmed and miserable after having the kid. Robin said that Howard had no problem conceiving but there are people out there who do. Howard said that he would probably go to a doctor to find out what the problem was if he had problems like that. He said he wouldn't do the fertility thing though.
Howard said that things are bad enough as they are and it's enough of this nonsense with fertility clinics. He said that picking your hair and eye color is irrelevant too. Howard said that everyone is beautiful in their own way. He said that some of the ugliest people in the world go on to do great things.
Robin read some news about a researcher that was studying zip codes on a porn site and the state with the most was Utah, the Mormon state. They also found that many of the most conservative states had their zip codes in there as well.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Fallon starting his new Late Night talk show. She had some of his show intro that she had Howard play. Howard said that was very exciting and he might just have a heart attack.
Artie said that he used to shit his pants when he'd hear the opening music to Conan or David Letterman's show. He said he doesn't know why he's putting himself through that again tonight.
Robin had Howard play some of Jimmy Fallon's first words in his show last night. She also talked about his first guests on the show. She mentioned that Van Morrison was on the show and Howard said he'd love to interview that guy. He said he'll never come on though.
Robin read a story about Sean Penn trying to get a ''Milk Day'' started in honor of Harvey Milk. Artie asked if they can't just get over this whole Milk day thing. They spent a short time talking about that.
Robin had Howard play a clip of a Snoop Dogg song and then said that he has joined the Nation of Islam. Howard said that's a shame because now he'll probably get all serious. Robin read that he's not intending on pushing his beliefs on other people. Howard said that he was with Regis Philbin the other day and that Snoop Dogg song was his ring tone.
Robin said that U2's new album has just come out. She had Howard play some clips from their album. Howard isn't a fan of their's. Artie said he hopes they sing some of their older stuff on Letterman tonight. Artie was also saying that he thinks that Coldplay kind of rips off their sound. Howard said if they're going to rip off anyone they should rip off Cream. Robin told him that he'd be a little bit dated if he did that.
Robin read a story about Sharon Osbourne being sued over an incident she had on the show ''Charm School.'' Howard wondered if she had hit her or something. Robin said that she did apparently attack the woman.
Robin read that the Dow Jones took another tumble yesterday. Howard asked George if he's in the market. George said that he thinks that he's lost about 30 percent in the market. Artie said he lost a lot too. Howard asked George if Brad is on an allowance now or does he just continue to spend and spend. George said that he does continue to spend and spend.
Robin read some news about ''Read Across America'' which is going on this month. She had some audio of a guy talking about what Dr. Seuss books mean to kids. Howard said he hates those books and has no idea what they're talking about. Robin had a few audio clips of a guy talking about why kids should read and what adults could be reading as well.
Robin read a story about some NFL players that were lost at sea. They found one man who had been clinging to the boat for over 36 hours. The guy said that they were all wearing life vests but it's been 48 hours since their boat had capsized. Robin said she can't imagine being out there like that for 48 hours. That led to Howard talking about how Robin doesn't even know how to swim but she still goes out on those Jet Ski things.
Robin read some movie news and had some audio of Dakota Fanning's sister talking about trying out acting after her sister got into it.
Robin said that the Jonas Brothers 3D experience is in theaters now. She had some audio of them talking about that movie. They ended the show a short time later around 10:40am. George got in a correction for what he had said about their 6 minute film that he and Brad had done. The film is not at the Metropolitan, it's at an art gallery called Apex which is on Church Street.
Gary said that guys are much different in that way. Gary said that guys would date a young woman but not just want them on their arm. Guys want more.
Benjy said that Robin made it sound like the guy had ended it. Gary said that it did kind of come across that way. Gary said that the guy had to know that he was going to be talked about in that way on the show and that they were going to make fun. Gary said that if he was kind of digging Robin, like Gregg did, then he would probably make fun of that guy too.
Benjy said he'd like to know more about what went on with Robin and that guy. He said that he'd like to have the details. Gary said that he has the guy's name and address so he might be able to talk to him. He wants to get Howard's permission to do that though.
Gary said that they wanted to call one of Artie's ex's too but Artie put a stop to that. He said that if Robin doesn't want it to happen, it won't happen.
Jon had some audio of Robin talking about her late nights out and how she doesn't nap during the day. Gary said he doesn't believe that she doesn't nap. He seems to think that it's impossible to go out that late and get up so early and not nap.
Benjy said that when you fast you don't need as much sleep as people who are eating. He said that your body is doing less work when you're fasting.
Gary said that some of the guys there go to bed around 10 or 11 and they're up at 4 or so. Jon and Gary keep that schedule. Gary said that he goes to bed around 10 or so and gets up at 4:10. Jon goes to bed around the same time and gets up at 4. Jon said he's dragging by the time work is over.
Gary said that when he was living in the city he was going to bed around 8. Then it was becoming 8:30 and eventually later and later. Jason said that the older you get the less sleep you need. That's what studies say.
Jason was also saying that Robin might be getting those coffee enemas and that might be helping her to stay up so late.
Jon asked Jason if Robin was all gung ho about the GNO meetings and stuff when they were doing them. Jason said that Robin was very active in them. He said that they didn't meet a lot though.
Jon asked Gary about the message that Ralph left for him trying to get them into the tennis match. Gary said that he really had no idea what Ralph was talking about when he called. He said the message was very vague.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if maybe he could leave that number for Robin's boy toy for Steve Langford to call. Gary said that would be bad karma for him and he doesn't want to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is a pussy for not staying up late and Robin isn't working that hard so it's not a surprise that she can stay up so late. Gary said that you still have to get up very early in the morning though. He said it's not like heavy labor working there but it can be taxing on you.
Gary said that what this caller does is different than what they do. Jason said that the driver has to be mentally awake to drive a truck like that. The caller said that he gets by on 4-5 hours of sleep a night but Howard going to bed at 8:30 at night is ridiculous.
Jason said it would be great if they found out that Robin sleeps in one of those Hyperbaric chambers like Michael Jackson was doing back in the 80s.
Jon took a call from a guy who was saying that Robin is getting old and she's falling apart and now she's going through this stuff. Gary went off on the guy for saying stuff that he really didn't know.
Jon asked Benjy when he sleeps. Benjy said that he sleeps in the afternoon and gets up at night so he's ready to go to work. Gary wasn't sure why Jon was going down that road with him. Then Gary asked Benjy what he would do if he had to have the cable guy over between 1 and 5. Benjy said he would hate that but sometimes it does happen.
Ralph called in and told the guys what was going on last night. Ralph said that Robin asked him to call Gary and ask for the guy's information. Gary said that Ralph didn't leave him any information in the message so he had no clue what he was talking about. Ralph said that Robin was the one who told him to call so that's all he did.
Ralph was also saying that he's not sure where Robin gets all of this energy to do all of the stuff she does. He said that she's always busy doing stuff and she's just doing too much in his opinion.
Jon asked Ralph how it was hanging out with Star Jones. Ralph said she actually looked pretty good up close. He said she doesn't look good on TV. Ralph said that it was actually on right now and you can see him and Robin on TV the whole time.
Ralph told the guys about the girl who passed out at the tennis match and what went on during that whole thing. Ralph said that she passed out on a wall there and knocked half the wall over. Ralph said that the tennis players were looking over at them like they ha something to do with her.
Jon let Ralph go and took another call. The caller said that if you have to be up at 4 in the morning, it's tough no matter what kind of job you have. Another caller said that getting up early is very tough and he drives a truck so he knows. He said that driving in a truck is difficult too and a lot of people don't realize how difficult it actually is.
Gary said that they have to find the thing that she's not comfortable doing but Howard is comfortable doing. Gary said they need to find out what her phobias are and zone in on that stuff so they can figure something out.
Jon took a call from another guy who was giving the guys a hard time about having to get up early and complaining about it. The guys talked about that for a short time.
The caller was also saying that Artie seems to have trouble getting his words out sometimes and they should replay some of that stuff. Gary said he didn't see what he was talking about. He said that JD is one thing but Artie's speech isn't quite like that.
The guys ended up talking about Artie and his whole Letterman thing. They were talking about how he didn't want to wear a suit because he didn't want people to get used to that. The guys also weren't sure why Artie was having Steve come to the show if he really didn't want him there. The guys also thought it would be great if Artie went out there like Tony Soprano dressed in a robe with a bowl of ice cream.
That all led to the guys talking about jimmy Fallon's first night and also about the way Conan O'Brien was kind of shaky in the beginning.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Ralph really looks like Howard when he sees him out at events. He said that the guy really looks like he wants to be Howard. Gary said his son has made that mistake. Jason said that even he has almost made that mistake between Ralph and Howard.
Ralph was back on the phone so he said that the guy earlier was right about Artie saying ''Uhhhh'' and almost sounding like he's about to throw up before he speaks. Ralph did an impression of that and goofed on Artie. Gary said that he'll have to go back and listen to that. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was kind of an annoying interview with Howard interrupting all the time.
Shuli came in and talked about his dealings with Dice. He said that he had heard stories about Dice from the past. He said that he kind of expected him to jerk him around. Shuli said that he became part of something and he didn't even know that he was getting into that. Shuli said that it was all very weird.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Dice came across so bad on The Apprentice. He said that Dice went into the board room and insulted Trump for not having bagels in there. He was also bragging about selling out Madison Square Garden. Gary said that he was already irritated from the way he was being treated that he went in there to give him a hard time.
Jason asked Shuli if he would ever go out and bomb for Dice again. Shuli said that he's pretty sure he wouldn't do it again.
Another caller said that he thought Howard was interrupting Dice too much today. He said that Dice was interesting and Howard kept messing with him. He said it was really annoying. Gary said that it was split down the middle about whether or not Howard was interrupting or if Dice was going on and on. Jason said that he thought that Dice would have never ended his stories if Howard hadn't interrupted.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Dice was one of the best contestants on The Apprentice. He said that everyone has a fake personality on that show and Dice was down to earth. Jason laughed and said he was right, Dice wasn't playing a character.
Another caller said that Dice has sold out and he's just not funny anymore. The guy said that thinks that even he could do Dice better. He did his Dice and then bad mouthed the Mets like he does in almost every show.
Jon and the guys talked about how they seem to pick people to do shows like The Apprentice to keep them interesting. Shuli said that he thinks that Dice may have been right about being set up because he's the kind of guy that you'd keep on the show to keep it interesting. Jon said that maybe that's what they wanted to do but they take their chances when they do something like that.
The guys talked about other reality shows and how you always remember the guys who are assholes and not the winners usually. Gary said that he's going to watch that Apprentice show tonight to see what Dice was talking about.
Jon took another call from a guy who thought Dice was great on the show today. He said that Dice and Howard play off of each other great. He said that Dice has that little bit of attitude going and that's what makes it great. Gary said he's a big fan of Dice coming on the show too. He said that he can be in the minority in the office though. Benjy said that he's always riveted when Dice is on.
Another caller said that Shuli is a big pussy for taking that shit from Dice. He said that he's not there to make Dice laugh, he's there to make the audience laugh. Shuli said that the audience didn't know that he was bombing on purpose. The caller said that they're going to go tell their friends that he sucked. Shuli said that Dice can give him work so he was just playing along with him. Shuli said he liked doing it for Dice and he didn't have to do it.
Another caller asked the guys if anyone from the show has ever been offered the chance to participate in The Apprentice. Gary said he hasn't been offered but he would love to do it because they do it right there in New York.
The caller said that someone from the show would be really highly visible and he thinks that it would be cool to have someone from the show in there. Gary said he'd love to do it. Jason said that Gary might be too good in that show. Jason said that JD or Ralph might be a better choice.
Jon picked up on Ralph again and asked if he would do that show. Ralph said that he would do that show in a second. He said he'd do really good on that show and he'd be so into it.
Ralph asked Jason if he upped his Lexipro dosage or something because he's very chatty and laughing a lot. Jason said that he's already maxed out and he can't take more. Jason said that he's on the 20mg pills now and that's the biggest they make. Jason said that he's just in a good mood today and that might be because he got a lot of sleep yesterday. Ralph thinks that he's in a good mood because they get to go see a screening of the final Battlestar Galactica episode. Jason said he is looking forward to that.
Ralph was also talking about Dice on The Apprentice and how he would have reacted if he were Dice. Gary said that he once shot some stuff for The Apprentice when Steven Baldwin was on the show. they were all downstairs one day and he went out there. He said that he didn't sign the release for the show so they never showed it.
Gary said that Steven Baldwin called the show one day and Howard never got him on the air. He said that he was afraid that they were going to make it look like he was the one trying to keep him off the show or something.
Jon brought up the discussion they had about Artie thinking he was dictating his next book into his phone and thinking that it was being transcribed. They spent a few seconds on that before they had to end the show.
Howard started off the show doing his George Takei impression. George said he thought he was listening to himself when he heard that. Howard said he loves George. George said he loves Howard as well.
Howard said that George was getting nothing but accolades this week. He said that they're all worthwhile to read so he went through some of those. One person wanted George to move to the East Coast so he could be on the show more. George said he's actually been thinking of getting a place out there. He said that the prices are right currently.
The guys told George that he should get a place in San Pedro as well so they can hear him saying that. Artie told George they like the way he says that. That's why they'd want him to get a place there.
George was speaking in Spanish so Howard asked him what other languages he speaks. George said he knows French as well.
Howard read some more mail and the fans were all loving George on the show this week. Someone suggested that they give Robin and George a show together on Howard 101. Howard said that they could discuss wines, food, plays and things like that. Howard made up what that would sound like. He did his Robin voice and George voice and had them talking about tennis together. In the fake conversation Howard had them talking about Star Jones and the tennis match.
Howard was having fun doing George's voice so Fred got in on that as well. Robin told George about a play she had gone to see and told George he should go. George said that they had already purchased all of their theater tickets that they were going to go see while they were in town.
George said he and Brad went to see this 6 minute film that he and Brad were in. He said that it was at an art gallery and not in the Metropolitan Museum of Art like he thought it was earlier this week. George said the film was very cute.
Howard read more mail about George being on this week. One guy said that if he were gay he'd be into George. There was also some feedback about Dice being on the show yesterday. Some of the fans were upset that Howard wasn't listening to Dice's story yesterday. There were some people who didn't like Dice on the show too.
Howard read some mail about The Bachelor. Some fans were upset with him for suggesting the awful show. Howard read through a few e-mails about that. Howard said that this e-mailer was calling that guy a fag and other things. He was comparing the Bachelor to Hugh Jackman dancing around on the Academy Awards.
Howard and the guys talked about the Academy Awards and how gay that seemed to be this year. They only spent a minute on that.
Artie said that things are weird with the whole Dana thing. He said that he kind of did that on impulse and he kept doing it throughout the night. Artie said that Dana asked him what he was doing at one point.
Artie said that he and Dana are trying to get back together but they're not together. He said that she wasn't mad at him for saying that she was his girlfriend. Artie said that they love each other and they will always love each other.
Artie said that he knew that Langford was going to be there and he wasn't trying to hide anything. Artie said that they had just had a serious conversation about getting back. He said that he didn't want to introduce her as just his fried because he wondered if that would screw things up.
Howard asked what it is that's keeping them from getting together. Artie said that there's no negotiation, she still really loves him and he still loves her too. Howard asked if the stumbling block is the rehab thing. Artie said that she took that off the table.
Howard asked if there was any kissing going on. Artie said that he did get a kiss but just on the lips. Nothing too deep.
Artie talked about going to Letterman last night and how he had bumped into Bono when he walked in. Artie said that he was very nice about it when he did bump into him. Artie said that he had a different dressing room than he usually does. He said that Tim Sabean was there and Ross Zapin was there and they asked him to mention SIRIUS. Artie said he always does that and they still ask him to do it.
Artie said that he got two segments this time and that was a first. Artie said that he told Dave that he got to do his two favorite shows that day, the Howard Stern Show and David Letterman's show and he seemed to be touched by that. Artie said that Dave was also asking him about Norm MacDonald and he seems really interested in that.
Artie said there were like 80 people in his dressing room and he had to ask them to all leave so he could do his pre-interview. He said that this woman from the book company brought like 3 executives with her there.
Artie said that he and Dana went out and had dinner last night and it was a very normal evening for him. He said that she had tight jeans on and he loves her ass.
Howard played the clip and Dave did his intro for Artie. Then when Artie came out Dave said that when he sees him he gets the sense that he knows something that he doesn't. Artie joked that it was that he knew the proper way to do sit ups. Howard said he didn't think it was a negative comment but he didn't know what the hell Dave was talking about. Howard said he would have asked Dave what the fuck he was talking about.
Howard said that Dave may have been talking about the underground stuff like the drugs, gambling and all of this other stuff that he's into. Howard said he just thinks that's what he might be talking about.
Howard said he saw that Artie was dressed in black last night. He said that it was a good look for him. Artie said that it was the most dressed up he's been on that show.
Howard played some more audio of Artie talking to Dave after the sit-up joke. Artie told Dave about his fight against the bulge. Artie said that there's always one crystal meth head in the crowd who thinks he looks great. Then he made a joke about using Meth to walk to St. Louis if you ever have to do that one weekend. He got the guy in the band to play the bass like he had just told a funny joke. Howard said it's a funny noise and he thought that only Dave got that sound. Howard said he doesn't think he ever got that. Howard said he has to ask that guy if he freelances that sound or if he's asked to do it. Howard said that it would be great if they played that bass sound inappropriately when someone like Obama is on.
Artie said that he always follows boring people on the Letterman show. He said that last time it was Natalie Portman and this time it was Felicity Huffman. Artie said he's not sure how she gets away with the utter boredom that she talks about on that show. He said that he's not even sure how she gets through the pre-interview.
Howard said that he was reading an article about Robert De Niro giving nothing in interviews but he always has people making a big deal out of his appearances. He's never revealed anything in an interview.
Howard played more of Artie talking to Dave and he was telling Dave how he thinks his mother is part of his weight problem. He said that since he met his mother he's put on 293 pounds. He said that she's the devil. Artie said that his mother is Italian and he's 41 and she's still living with him. Artie said it's not so bad until he brings a broad home.
Dave asked Artie about the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez. Artie talked about A-Rod and how he never hits in the playoffs. Artie joked about that for a short time. Artie said that A-Rod obviously isn't doing steroids in October. He said that he should commit to it and use it all year round if he's going to use.
Artie told some jokes about how he has to pay 30 grand for seats at Yankee Games where he has to sit in front of a guy who yells at Jeter to ''Do it for Ronkonkoma !'' Dave had to end that around that time and go to break. Howard told Artie that was a really strong appearance.
Howard played the second segment for Artie on Letterman. Dave told Artie that he loves Bob Uecker. That led to Artie telling some stories about working with the guy and with Norm MacDonald. He said that he and Norm were in the booth with him one time and Bob would hit the cough button to say stuff to them off the air while he was calling games. Artie did the impression of what that was like and had Dave cracking up.
Artie told Dave about some stories that Bob Uecker told him and Norm. He said he heard stories about Harry Caray. He did his impression of Harry told Dave those stories. Dave said that was a pretty strong Harry Caray impression. Artie got some big applause for that impression.
Artie mentioned that he had done his two favorite shows that day and mentioned that he was on the Stern Show and then Dave's show. Dave had to end the segment around that time.
Howard said the one thing about Dave is that he doesn't really let you get in the plugs that you want. Artie said that he has to kind of crowbar them in sometimes. Howard said that Artie had to get that SIRIUS plug in there at the last second. Howard said that had to be one of the top performances from Artie on Letterman. Robin said that he must have been trying harder since Dana was there.
Howard said he knows that Tim Sabean had to call Scott Greenstein to let him know that Artie got in that plug for SIRIUS. He said that poor Artie had to think about getting that plug in throughout his appearance. He said that no one at SIRIUS cares about anything but that plug.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Artie about what the fuck is going on with him and Dana after he was just with a hooker a week ago. Artie said that she's technically not a hooker if she doesn't charge him. He said that she used to be a hooker.
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Howard said that they brought up a good point on the Wrap Up Show about Robin. He said that she says that she's joking about things when she doesn't want to get into details about things. Robin said that they don't know what's going through her head so they can't say that.
Gary came in and asked Robin if she just dated the 25 year old to have him on her arm and for nothing else. Robin said that she never thought it would get physical. Robin said that she found him to be very nice and she continued to go out with him. Robin said that it was just to go out with him. Robin said that they only went out a few times. Howard said that maybe she could have thought about it turning romantic. Robin said ''Sooo?''
Robin said that it materialized into something real but she went out with him as a goof in the beginning. Robin said that he was very persistent and she figured she'd go out with him. She said that he was good looking and she went out with him some more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is deflecting in the way she does because she just wants to get a legitimate gig when the show comes to an end. Gary said that the guy was saying that Robin just doesn't ant to be known as a ''child fucker.'' Robin said that the guy was 25 years old, not a child.
Howard said that Beth has never farted in front of him as far as he knows. Howard said that he tries not to fart in front of her but he apparently does it in his sleep.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone. He ended up talking more about Beth for a minute before he got to Eric though. He said that she's got a lot of stuff going on in her life. He said that she's in some big secret deal to do something but he couldn't elaborate on that.
Howard asked Eric what was up. Eric said that it's ''Eric the Actor'' after Howard called him midget. They played his ''Ack, ack'' clip and also his comments about being ''club footed.'' Eric asked Howard if he likes making fun of people who are disabled. Howard said he was just asking Eric about his foot earlier this week and he wasn't trying to make fun of him. He said that Eric perceives it as being made fun of but he was just curious about his foot. Howard said that he's the only person who treats him like a normal person.
Eric said that he's not the only one who thinks that he's making fun of him. He didn't have anyone else to name who thought that he was though. Howard said that he wants an apology. Howard said that he actually does put up with a lot more shit from Eric since he is disabled. Howard said that he doesn't agree with Eric about this stuff.
Eric said that last night they had some problems with their show but they'll be doing it tonight. Artie told Eric to take care. Robin said that not one person complained that Eric didn't do his show last night.
Howard asked what a club foot is. Eric said that it's when your foot is turned to the side. He said that the person tends to walk on their ankle than on the sole of their foot. Howard said he thought that it was just a ball at the end of your foot. He was learning from Eric. Howard asked if it was painful. Eric said ''Yeah, it's not fun.''
Howard asked about Eric's sibling because he does have one. Howard said that Eric must be being punished for something because the sibling doesn't have the same affliction that Eric does. Eric said that he's turning 34 next week and he was told he wouldn't make it out of his teens with the things he has.
Howard asked Eric if he has anything on his body that's not afflicted. Howard asked if his penis is normal. Eric said ''I guess so.'' Howard asked if it's a club penis. Eric said he thinks it's normal.
Eric asked Howard when he's going to get more roles. Howard said he's a tough sell to Hollywood. Robin told Eric that he can't call Howard, call him names and then expect him to get him acting roles. Howard said he needs to get Eric's career jump started. Eric said that it's been four years since he was on ''American Dreams.'' Howard said that they canceled the show shortly after he was on so they must think he was bad luck. Eric said that they were already on the chopping block before he went on that show. Howard said he knows that, he was making a joke.
Howard told Eric that maybe he could got on The Bachelor. Artie said that would be Science Fiction if he was on that show. Robin said that she was reading about Damon Wayans having a club foot. She read about a few other famous people who were born with club feet. There was one ice skater in there so Howard asked Eric why he doesn't become an ice skater. Eric said ''Yeah, right.'' Howard said that he really wasn't making fun of Eric's club foot. Artie said that there are a lot of other things that they make fun of him over and have reasons to hate him for. Howard let Eric go a short time later. He told him that he really does like him and he worries about him.
Artie said that he has to get out of this weight that he's at. George told him that he's looking much better now than he did the last time he saw him. Artie said that he's down in the 280s now and not up at 300 pounds like he was.
Artie said that he hasn't touched any opiates since Christmas day. He said that he's been clean all this time and he's not even drinking. Artie said that he has to stay sober to shoot his second DVD that's in the works. Howard said that things are happening for him.
The caller told Artie not to fidget with his jacket during his appearances. Artie said he knows that. Howard said it's hard not to do that stuff when you have habits like that. The caller said that it drives him crazy when he sees that stuff. Artie said he finds a million of those things when he's watching those appearances.
Howard said that Gary is constantly pulling on his t-shirt when he gets fat. He said that's similar to what Artie is doing. They had to go to break after that. Howard had George do a quick announcement as they were going to break.
Howard said that Oprah Winfrey apparently had quite a show yesterday. He said he didn't see it himself but he was talking about how she uses people on her show to make money off of them and she doesn't even pay them to appear on the show. Howard said she's really good at doing that.
Howard said that Oprah had kids on the show who were raised feral and they had one kid who was raised by dogs. Howard said they had some tape of the girl. Howard said that Beth was watching and the kid was making dog noises and their dog Bianca was talking back to the TV.
Howard played the audio of Oprah talking about the little girl who was raised by dogs for 5 years. They rescued her when she was 8 years old. The girl barked like a dog in the audio clip. The girl can speak a little bit but she's happiest when she's around dogs. Howard said that's when his dog was going nuts when it heard those clips.
Howard said there was a movie out not too long ago where they had people being raised by dogs. Howard said that the movie was really depressing and he didn't want to watch it. He said there was another really depressing one that he tried to watch recently and it was impossible to watch. He said that this guy can't move and the only thing he can use to communicate is his eye.
Artie said that he thinks that guys like that just want to be thrown off of a cliff. He said that his father didn't like being alive and suffering through his paralysis. Robin said that she heard from someone who told her that Dana Reeve really liked coming on the show that time she was on because Howard treated her like a person instead of tip toeing around her. Howard said he told Dana that he wanted to fuck her and that she was really gorgeous.
Howard said that this Jeff Goldblum movie was really depressing but he wasn't able to remember the name of it. He said that it's a Nazi movie and they take Jeff's character to the concentration camps and they turn him into a dog. If he stops acting like a dog he gets whipped. They end up killing his wife and daughter and it was the most horrible, depressing, disgusting movie ever.
Howard finally remembered the name of the movie. It was ''Adam Resurrected.'' Howard said that he's been watching Batman and Iron Man every weekend instead of watching other stuff. He said that he's been watching those and The Godfather as well. Artie said that he watched Goodfellas last night too. Howard said he liked ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall'' too.
Artie said that he still can't believe that Dana Reeve is dead. Howard said that was a horrible story. He said that it was really sad. Howard said that he helped the family out and showed up to a charity event one time.
Howard said that he heard that Robin was complaining that she didn't have a good time with them. Howard asked why she would hang out that long if she wasn't having fun. Robin said that she didn't want to put a damper on the evening so she hung out with them. Robin said that they wanted to go out drinking so she hung out with them.
Howard asked how Jillian's friends were. Robin said that they were fine. She said that Jillian told her about how she had done some lesbian stuff. That led to Howard asking Gary to call Jillian so they can talk to her about that.
Howard said he can't get a sense of Robin anymore. He was trying to figure out if she liked going out with Jillian or not and she wasn't being honest. Robin told him that the night out was fine.
Howard said that he was talking to someone about how great George is on the show and they ended up talking about how someone his age doesn't usually have a good sense of humor like he does. George said that he was always aware of things that people were saying about him when he was closeted and it might have something to do with that. Howard said that George is a lot of fun and he doesn't seem like he's as old as he is. Gary said he doesn't think of him as being that old either. George said that he is 71 years old and he doesn't feel that old either.
Gary said that he left a message for Jillian to call in. Howard said he wants to talk to her about that Lesbian stuff.
Lisa said that Jillian is correcting herself on what she said about Robin dating a 25 year old. She meant to say that she had ''dated'' a 25 year old. Lisa said that Jillian has a new TV show coming up as well and that's a American Idol wrap up show.
Howard said that there's another person in the paper today who was at McDonald's and she didn't understand what the people at the restaurant were telling her about substituting something that she was ordering. Howard said that he had some of the audio to play but it was kind of garbled.
Howard played the audio and this woman says that she ordered some chicken nuggets and they told her they didn't have that so she had to pick something else. She asked for all of her money back and they couldn't give the money back to her. At one point the woman said ''She say she are the manager'' when she was asked if she had spoken to the manager. Howard said he can't believe that people speak like that.
Howard played more of the audio after asking Robin if she was able to follow what was going on. Robin said she could understand it pretty well. There was one mention of a ''McDevil'' or something and Howard had no idea what was going on there. Artie said that it might be their answer to the Evil Burger that Burger King has.
Howard said that they were up to the point in the call where this woman was asking for a refund and she wasn't able to get her money back. Howard said he kind of agrees with her about that but she shouldn't have been calling 911 to report it.
Howard played more of the audio where this woman gave out her name which was Latricia. Howard said he's not even sure how she'd spell it. Howard said that woman called 911 two more times after this first call. He said he's not sure he wants to play those. He started to play another one of the calls but he saw that Jim Florentine was there so he asked Robin if she was going to be okay with that. Robin said she's fine with it. She said that it's not going to be weird at all. Robin said that she just spoke to him the other day. She just saw him a couple of moths ago too.
Howard said that they should put a poster of the 25 year old up behind Robin. Artie said that would be some class A ball breaking if they did that. Howard said he heard that Jim has had sex since they were together. Robin said that's great. Howard asked Robin if she has moved on too. She wasn't going to talk about that with Howard.
Howard told Robin to go freshen up and he'll take a break. Robin said that she's going to go say hi to Jim during the break. Gary said that he didn't want Jim to see Robin during the break so he was going to close the green room door. He said that Jim gave him a look of terror like they had something planned for him. He really just wanted to keep them separated.
Howard told Gary to lock Jim up in a cage to keep them separated. Howard told Robin to freshen up and he'll take his break. Howard said that Robin was actually looking good today and he wondered if she did something special. Robin said that she wasn't doing anything special.
Gary asked Robin if they talked and said they won't talk about certain things. Robin said that they haven't talked about that. Robin said that they haven't talked about that kind of thing at all.
Gary said that Will talked to Jim yesterday and he wasn't saying much of anything. Howard asked Robin what she's going to do if Jim walks in and they have feelings again. Robin said she hopes that Fred has the appropriate music then. Howard asked Robin if she would consider going back with Jim if he asked her to. Robin said ''no.'' She said that things are done and they're not going to get back together.
The guys all goofed on Robin about that stuff for a few minutes. Howard asked Robin if today was her enema day. She said it wasn't but she does them very frequently. She said that she did one over the weekend.
Gary said that Jason had a theory that Robin has so much energy lately because she's pumping so much coffee into her ass. It goes right into your system when you do that so maybe she's wired on caffeine. Artie said he'd like to try coke up his ass. Howard said he never thought of the caffeine thing before. He said that Jason might be right. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that JD was playing him a video clip from the internet and they claim that it's real. He said that people can fall in love with inanimate objects and they have this one woman who fell in love with her bow and arrow. He said that she fell so in love with it that she became a gold medalist. Then she goes to see the Golden Gate Bridge and fell in love with that and dumped her bow and arrow.
Howard said that this woman has pieces of the bridge and she masturbates with them and then she went off and married the Eiffel Tower. Howard said the woman thinks that the tower is a woman so she went lesbian for the tower. Howard said he was going to pull clips from the video but he's not sure if it's real or not. He said that it's too unbelievable. Robin said that maybe they should listen to it anyway.
Howard said this would be like Michael Phelps marrying a pool. He said it's just weird. JD said that they have a name for the disease and it's something like Objectius Inanimous or something like that.
Howard asked Jim if he was nervous. Jim said of course he is. Howard said that Robin is sparkling today and maybe she's still in love with Jim. Jim said ''Really?''' and sounded kind of awkward saying it.
Robin said that Jim's eyebrows were looking kind of odd this morning. Jim said that he must not have the eyebrows of a 25 year old. Howard said that Jim's eyebrows are darker than his hair today.
Howard asked Jim if it hurt when he heard that Robin was dating a 25 year old. Jim said that it did hurt but what's he going to do?
Howard asked Jim if he's good now. Jim said that he needed some time before he came back on the show and he thinks that this has been enough time. Howard said he thinks that the problem is that Jim didn't show his true side to Robin. Robin said he has no idea what went on between them.
Howard said that Jim was on his best behavior around Robin. He said that Jim never introduced Robin to his best friend ''Crack Finger.'' Jim said that he's an acquired taste and he doesn't bring him around everyone. Howard said that this guy got his name because he waits for people to pass out drunk and then sticks his finger in his ass and then wipes it under peoples noses and then in their gums if they don't wake up.
Howard said that if Robin can't handle Crack Finger then she can't be Jim's girlfriend. Howard said that he must feel pressure around her if she never got to meet him.
Jim told the guys some stories about Crack Finger and some of the odd stuff he does. Jim said that the guy is married with two kids too. Jim said that Crack Finger is one of those guys that you can't introduce to your friends immediately. He said that you have to wait and everyone has friends like that.
Howard said that Jim didn't try with Robin. He told Jim that he should have been comfortable around Robin and she should have brought Crack Finger around. Robin said she's not sure she'd want to meet Crack Finger.
Howard asked Jim if he's going to try and win Robin back today. Jim said that you can't predict the future. He said that they have a good friendship now and he's not sure where that could go. Robin said that she does like Jim and he's becoming one of her best friends.
Howard said that Robin should be invited to a gathering where Crack Finger is at. Robin laughed and didn't sound like she wanted to meet him. Howard said that Robin is willing to slum it with Jim. Robin got a laugh out of that. Howard said he does sense some discomfort there.
Howard asked Jim what's going on with him. Jim said that he has a TV show on VH-1 Classic where they sit around and talk about heavy metal music. He said that it's kind of like The Best Damn Sports Show Period but it's about metal. Jim said that it's a niche audience that watches it though. Robin said that the show is actually very good and she enjoys watching it.
Howard asked Robin if she ever watches Jim and thinks about how he was inside of her. She said that she doesn't think about that. She said that she sees old friends and doesn't think about that stuff. Jim said he must not have been very good then.
Howard asked Jim if he likes to stay friends with old girlfriend's. Jim said that he really likes to keep them as friends even when they break up. Howard said that he thinks that Jim is a pretty sensitive guy from what he can see.
Since they had mentioned this earlier, Howard asked Jim about who he thinks has the best fans, KISS or Rush. Jim said he thinks it's probably the Rush fans. He said that he was never really a KISS fan and he never ''got it.'' Howard said he never got it either. Howard asked him why he thinks that they're better fans with Rush. Jim said that they're hard core fans.
Howard asked Robin and Jim why they're not together anymore. He said that Robin must be good in bed even if she doesn't like to blow guys. Jim seemed unaware of that fact. Jim said that he didn't see her make a face before, like she was going to do the dishes. Howard said he really thought that this was going to be it for Robin. He said that he saw her walking down the aisle with Jim.
George was saying that he was sensing a warmth between Jim and Robin today. Jim asked George if he thought what he was wearing today was gay. George said it looked nice so Artie told him that means it looks gay.
Howard said that Jim has put out this new Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 5 CD and he's got this great call on there. Howard said that the premise is to fuck with the telemarketers that call his house. Robin said that she feels a part of this because she was with him when he was working on the album.
Artie said the good part of the telemarketer calls is that you don't have to get permission to play them. Howard said that in this call Jim is talking to a telemarketer and a phone worker gets in on the call and advises him on the telemarketer.
Howard played the call where Jim was talking to this guy about how he was trying to get out of debt. Then the phone company worker, Don Jamieson, cuts in and asks if they're having trouble with their phone line. The telemarketer wondered what was going on there. Jim and the telemarketer were talking about the guy not being so smart by breaking in like that. Don keeps cutting in and advises Jim on how some of these credit companies can be scams. The telemarketer keeps asking him to keep his opinion out of the conversation. Jim then agrees with Don and says that he might be right about it being a scam. Don then tells Jim that he's got some friends who have better rates than this guy on the line. Then he threatens to disconnect Jim if he doesn't go with his credit company. The telemarketer threatens him and eventually hangs up on him.
Howard said that it appears Jim got very creative while he was with Robin. Howard said that Robin was like Jim's ''Yoko'' during that whole thing.
Howard gave Jim a plug for his ''That Metal Show'' that's starting its second season this Saturday night at 11 pm on VH-1 Classic.
Howard told Jim that if he does another Terrorizing Telemarketers album he should get back together with Robin. He said you can get his CD at JimFlorentine.com.
Howard asked Jim if he and Robin had pet names for each other. Jim said that Robin used to slip and call him Howard. Howard asked Jim if he ever got to see Robin taking an enema. Jim said that he used to put them in. He was just joking but Robin said that he did offer to do that.
Howard said that he was happy for Robin and Jim for remaining friends through all of this. Howard said that a lot of times people get very immature. He was telling that to George and George wondered why he was telling him that. Howard said that George doesn't believe that people can remain friends like that. He was just joking about that though.
Howard asked Robin if she was turned off by Jim's big balls. Robin said that they're really not that big. Jim said that they've actually gone down over the years so they're not as big as they used to be. Howard said that Robin has that effect on guys. He said that a lot of guys balls have gotten smaller after she's been around him.
Howard took a call from Irish John who said that he thinks That Metal Show is great. He mentioned one bit they did where they goofed on some Van Halen fans out on the street waiting to go into the show. Jim said that they were telling the fans that the band was getting all pissed off at them and freaked them all out. Jim said that by the end of the bit they had the people convinced that they had chased the whole band away.
John said that Don Jamieson ended up making out with some fat chick during that stuff. Jim said it was great because they convinced the women that they could get back stage if they made out with Don. Jim said that Don got like 3 phone numbers doing that.
John said that Jim was doing a joke in his act about dating women who don't understand childish behavior and stuff like that. Jim said that must not have been him because he doesn't have a joke like that. John said that he may have been drunk.
Howard said he heard that Jim had been having sex since they broke up. Jim asked where he heard that. Howard said he hears things. Jim said that he is human after all. Howard said that Robin should try to get Jim back but Robin said that she's enjoying her life as it is. Howard said he's pretty sure that Robin is having sex but she's just not talking about it.
Another caller said that he saw Jim down in Atlantic City a couple of weeks ago and he was with a blonde down there. The guy said that Robin would look better on Jim's arm than this blonde did. Jim said he had a bunch of friends down there at the show so it could have been his sister.
Howard asked Jim and Robin if they're close enough that they can talk about who they're dating with each other. Robin said she's pretty sure Jim would tell her about that.
Robin said that Jim wouldn't even tell her what time his show was going to be on TV. Howard said that this must be one of the problems with the relationship. Jim said that they were having a tough time in the beginning so maybe that's why he didn't tell her. Jim said that he was trying to make sure that they were okay with each other and maybe he didn't want to make her think that she had to plug his show or something. Howard said he thinks that Robin makes Jim very nervous and that was the problem.
Jim said that he was kind of scared of her in the beginning. Jim said that he was actually afraid of $800 bottles of wine. Howard gave Jim some more plugs and wrapped up with him a short time later. They went to break after that.
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Howard said that Jimmy was in a holding deal for a while there with NBC and they wanted him to take over for Conan. Jimmy said that he's been working hard lately and he didn't even sleep last night. He said that he just stayed up all night.
Jimmy said that now that he has to work it's tough. He said that it was much easier when he was in that holding deal. Jimmy said that he and Tina Fey were talking about how easy they had it on SNL and now they have real jobs and they have to work hard.
Howard said that Jimmy must be under a lot of pressure trying to prove that he can do a good job. Howard said he's been getting good reviews even though he's just starting out. Jimmy said that the first show was really tough because his family was there and he was trying to help his uncle sit down and stuff like that.
Jimmy said that after the show he had balloons and flowers in his room and it was like he'd just gotten his appendix out or something.
Howard said that the first shows are tough. He said that he remembered starting at WNBC and how he had the whole staff come into the booth to watch him and he got so nervous that he couldn't talk. He said he got laryngitis. Jimmy said that he got a lot of advice from people on that first night and everyone had something to suggest.
Howard said that he's not sure why people are so focused on this first show. Howard said that he got good ratings on his show and he beat Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson already. Howard said that he has to keep that up though.
Howard asked Jimmy if he thinks that Carson Daly is upset with him getting that gig instead of him. Jimmy said he doesn't think that he's upset. He got a nice bottle of whiskey from Carson on his first night.
Howard asked Jimmy about getting Robert De Niro on his show and wondered if it sucked when he had to make that call to them to do the show. Jimmy said that it really sucked. He said that even asking Tina Fey to do the second show was tough for him. Howard said that he must wonder if he thought about her saying no to him. Jimmy said that there were some people who said no to them. Howard said he heard that Regis Philbin didn't want to do the show because of his relationship with Letterman.
Jimmy said he had no idea how crazy the booking deals were with people. He said that he doesn't care if they go on 5 other shows before his, he'd just like to have some people on. Howard said that he was guilty of having people do his show first because he didn't want old news.
Howard asked Jimmy why it's so important to get De Niro when he knows that the interview is going to be bad. Jimmy said he wanted a New Yorker on the show and De Niro was the quintessential New Yorker. Jimmy said that sometimes people don't even remember who the first guests were on these shows. Tom Brokaw was actually David Letterman's first guest but everyone thinks that it was actually Bill Murray.
Howard asked Jimmy how he knows De Niro. Jimmy said he knew him through SNL. He said that they went through Lorne Michaels to get him booked and De Niro apparently said that he had no problem coming on.
Howard asked Jimmy about how things have been so far. Jimmy said that he's had trouble sleeping lately and he just stays up all night. Howard said that it sounds like he's stuck at work and he's not even going outside. Jimmy said that he really can't even go outside.
Jimmy said that he's going to continue working the clubs on top of this show. Howard said that he might be taking this stuff too seriously. Howard told him to keep it loose and maybe not do so many bits because it's so much pressure on him. He told Jimmy to let it breathe a little bit. Jimmy said that he wants to all happen structurally for the first few months, then maybe he'll loosen up a little bit.
Howard said that Jimmy was saying that he competes with sleep. Howard said that Jimmy is going to have problems getting guests because the other hosts are going to be sucking off guests. He said that he worded that wrong but he knew what he was talking about.
Howard said that Craig Ferguson was saying that he'd like the critics to lay off of Jimmy for the first few weeks. Howard said he hopes that he can beat Craig in the rating. Howard said that Conan had problems beating him and he actually lost to Craig in the ratings.
Jimmy said that Craig doesn't really do a typical monologue on his show, he just tells stories. Jimmy did an impression of him doing his thing. Artie told him that he should make fun of him in his act every night.
Jimmy said he got a call from Dick Cavet the first day he was doing his show. Howard said he didn't even know Dick as still alive. Jimmy said he thought that maybe he was calling him from the grave with a phone line hooked up to it. Howard said that he knows Dick and he's a great guy. Jimmy said that they had a great 20 minute conversation. Fred did his impression of Dick and the guys thought he was right on with the impersonation.
Jimmy said that he also got a call from Jon Stewart. He said that Leno was pretty cool to him too. Howard said that he talked about Jimmy where it really counts. On the air. Howard said that those other guys weren't doing that.
Howard said he heard that Jimmy's wife is really hot. Jimmy said that she really is. She's also older than him so Howard asked him about that. Jimmy said that she's super cool and she loves Howard's show. Howard asked Jimmy if Drew Barrymore introduced them. Jimmy said that she did. They kind of fell in love pretty quick after they met.
Howard said he was glad when Jimmy got married because Beth used to tell him how cute he was and he used to have to put him down. Once he got married he was fine with him.
Artie mentioned that Jimmy once did a Ryan Seacrest impression. That led to Howard talking about how annoying Ryan has gotten on American Idol lately. Howard said that he yucks it up way too much doing his announcing on the show. He said that no one really talks like that. He's becoming a parody of himself. Howard did an impression of him contorting his face and goofed on him about that for a short time.
Jimmy was talking about some of the reality shows he watches like Sober House and things like that. They spent a short time talking about how great that show is. Jimmy thought it was great when they brought in Andy Dick. Howard said he heard that Andy held out on the previous seasons of Celebrity Rehab but now he's doing the show for almost nothing.
Howard asked jimmy if he's had to fire anyone yet. Jimmy said that he hasn't. Robin said that will happen in a couple of weeks.
Jimmy talked about this Kindle 2 that he has and how he downloaded Artie's book into it. He said that the thing is really cool. He demonstrated the speech to text and had the thing reading Howard's foreword in the book.
Howard talked to Jimmy about the ratings battle and how David Letterman has to beat Conan. He said that if he doesn't, it's going to be rough on Dave. They spent a short time talking about that and Howard was saying that they don't seem to fire anyone in late night. Howard said that if they can kind of hang in there with ratings then they keep them there forever.
Howard said that he used to obsess over ratings when he was on terrestrial radio. Howard said that he's neurotic though. Jimmy said that he's trying not to obsess over them.
Howard talked about this deal that SIRIUS XM made with this Liberty Media company. He said that it wouldn't have been big news if the economy wasn't so bad. Jimmy said that he loves SIRIUS but he only listens to like 4 stations. Robin said that everyone is like that. They all have their favorites.
Howard said that he'd do Jimmy's show. Jimmy said that would be cool and he doesn't even have to do his show firs. He told him he can do it last. Howard said he wishes Jimmy luck and told him not to obsess about the ratings too much. Howard said that he hopes he can beat Craig Ferguson.
Howard gave Jimmy some plugs for his show and said that you can find out more about it at LateNightWithJimmyFallon.com.
Howard took some calls from some people. One guy asked Jimmy why he didn't have Howard on as his first guest. Howard said it's already done. Jimmy started to sing ''If I could turn back time...'' after that call. Howard said that Jimmy has The Roots as his house band. He asked him if he's going to do that thing that they do on Letterman with the bass when someone tells a funny joke. Jimmy said they won't be doing that.
Howard asked Jimmy if things are going okay with his wife since this show started. Jimmy said that he's only done two shows so far. Howard asked him when he last had sex with her. Jimmy said that he gets embarrassed talking about that but everything is good with them.
Jimmy said they have Cameron Diaz on tonight. Howard told him that if she comes out wearing pants he should tell her to go back and change. He said he wasn't kidding about that either. He said that he should do that or take out scissors and cut her pants off. Howard said that hot chicks can be the worst guests unless they come out wearing something really hot. He said he'll sit there and watch if they're dressed hot.
Howard asked Jimmy what his game plan was with Cameron. Jimmy said that they may do a dance off with her. Howard said he might like that. Howard said that he'd watch if they did that. Howard said that he had some great ides for him to do on that show.
Howard said that he's friends with Jimmy Kimmel and he's a good guy. Jimmy said that he really is a good guy. He said that he sent him a note and told him not to sweat it. Howard said that Jimmy started his show thinking that they could drink on the show and do it live. Now they don't drink at all and they're pre-taping the show. Howard told Jimmy that things are going to change on his show.
Jimmy said that he was listening to the old tapes of Howard during the History of Howard Stern and his whole voice has changed over the years. Howard said that it has changed and in those old tapes he sounds like a chipmunk.
jimmy was talking about Billy Crudup being on the show tonight. Howard said that they should hire him to come in and ask the hard questions of these guests. Jimmy said that they could Skype him in to do stuff like that. Howard said that he could ask Billy about leaving his wife after she had her kid. He could ask De Niro about what's up with the black chicks.
Howard said that Billy ran off with Claire Danes while his wife was pregnant. Howard said that you can't ask him about that because people may not come back.
Jimmy asked Howard if he got to see ''Watchmen'' yet. Howard said that he didn't and couldn't believe that Jimmy got to see a screening. Jimmy said that the first 30-40 minutes of it was great. He said that they had great music in the movie too. He said that he's not sure if he really loved the whole movie though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Jimmy. He told him he loves ''Fever Pitch'' as well. The guy said that he wanted to know why he was going after Drew in that movie because she was such a cunt in that movie. Jimmy said that she was gorgeous. He said he never got the impression that she was into him though.
Howard said that they have to talk to Jimmy about the girls he's been linked to the next time he's in. Gary said threw out a few names like Gina Gershon, Jennifer Love Hewitt and a few others. Jimmy said that they were just making up names now.
Gary asked Jimmy if he got a friendship ring from Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jimmy said she didn't. They were referring to another interview they did with a guy who had dated her and he found out that she had given those rings to a bunch of guys.
Howard wished Jimmy luck with his show, gave him some plugs and some advice on what to do on his show. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and had George do a quick announce. George said that he admires Robin for putting coffee up her ass so he did the same and the whole can is still up there and it feels wonderful. Howard said that his reads are getting better and better as he gets more comfortable with the job.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie did call in to talk about that lesbian story earlier but he couldn't get to her. He said that he thinks that they did talk to her about that when she was on the show. Artie said he thinks that she told the story in that very fast way that she talks.
Howard said that Jillian was telling Robin about the lesbian stuff in detail out at dinner. Gary said that he wasn't able to get Jillian at the number she left for him. Howard said it was fine because it wasn't that important.
Howard said that he was talking to Jimmy and found that he was very interesting for that full hour he was on and he could do that on his own show instead of making it so structured. Robin said that you want to stack the deck with that stuff instead of relying on that banter as the only thing. Robin said she thinks that he'll setting into a groove and get better and better. Artie thinks that Lorne Michaels will help him out with that and when he believes in someone, he really gets behind them.
George said that he was at a function one time with her and she sang the most outrageous song one night. Howard played some more audio of Margaret talking about how she likes to fuck and how she can take it in the ass and in her pussy at the same time.
Howard said that people should tune in to hear that show at Midnight on Monday's on Howard 101. Robin said she wasn't laughing at that stuff but she was saying ''wow!'' Howard said that it wasn't about the laughs in that interview. It was all about sex.
Steve said that he called in the story to the news department and they had it on the air by 5:15 last night. Steve also said that Artie and Dana were holding hands in the green room at one point. Howard said that's surprising and he would think that something more was going on if he saw Robin and Jim holding hands today. Artie said that he and Dana were intimate with each other so of course they're going to hold hands.
Steve said that Dana is going to save her discussions about this for the show and not for the news. Artie said that Dana's yelling when she gets mad is so entertaining. He said that when she gets on camera she gets really shy. He said he finds that really hot. Howard said that all of this stuff is shocking to him.
Howard said that he has been friendly with Dana through all of this. He said that he has maintained a relationship with Dana all this time. Howard said he predicted this in some way too. Artie said Dana never felt abandoned by the group there. She still loves Howard and Beth.
Howard said that he hasn't kept in touch with that ex-hooker that Artie has had. Howard wondered if he could get that whore if he called her and asked. Artie said that he thinks that she would call him first and he'd tell her that he'd double whatever Howard offered her to stop Howard from fucking her.
Steve said that they claim that Artie has sold 300,000 copies of his book ''Too Fat To Fish.'' It just dropped off the NY Times Best Seller List this week.
Steve said that Henry Hill spent some time in custody for having some open container of alcohol. Howard said that's pretty sad that Henry has fallen so far since the days when he was being held for mob related stuff.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric has started making small payments to keep himself out of jail. He made the first of his $50 payments back to this person he owes $3,400 to.
Steve said that Penny Crone is going to be in the building to host a Miss Howard TV special for Howard TV. That led to Howard playing some audio clips from Richard Christy's porn star interview show with Britney Stevens. They had some audio of Britney talking about her use of the N-word and also about some porn stuff. She was talking about how she doesn't like Asian guys and giving the reasons for that.
Howard said that the Howard TV shows are really going through the roof. He said they have a bunch of original shows on there now. Artie did his impression of Britney with her speech impediment a little bit after that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through his list of subjects and mentioned that Robin didn't get to say hi to Jim Florentine before he came in. Robin said that they had actually locked the door out there. She said that was very annoying. Jon ran through some more of the Robin stuff and a bunch of other things that they had coming up today.
Robin started off her news with a story about The Bachelor and how a lot of people think that he's a jerk for doing what he did.
Robin read a story about a father who asked his kids, 19 and 17 years old, to go out and shovel snow. Now the boys are being charged with assault after hitting their father in the back of the head with a shovel.
Robin had a story about a doctor who claims to have cloned 3 babies who are living in Eastern Europe. Howard said that it would be great if they could clone Angelina Jolie. He said he'd love to have like 1000 of those running around. He said the whole cloning thing is really creepy. He said that if you're going to do it for sex then it's okay.
George asked what Howard thinks of cloned food. Howard said that it's all horrible. He said that nature, even in times of war, it provides more male babies than female. Howard said that we don't understand the components of food and they shouldn't be cloning them. He said that they're messing with stuff that they shouldn't be messing with. Howard said that he can see things that other's can't and he just knows what to do. He said his IQ is like 102 and that's why he knows this stuff.
Robin read a story about a guy who did a study on the kind of music students listened to and found a link to how smart kids might be based on what they listen to.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he has a 163 IQ and he doesn't think that it has anything to do with having good sense. Howard said that he was joking about IQ earlier. He said that 102 is near retarded and he was just joking when he said that's what his IQ was. He said that Dominic called in to brag about how smart he was and he didn't even understand a simple joke. They spent a couple of minutes going over what kind of IQ retarded people would have.
Robin said that he feels really bad about the NFL players that were out in a boat and got knocked overboard. They were trying to pull up their anchor and they weren't able to right their boat so they ended up floating off. Robin said that it's not that easy to be out in the ocean and you can get disoriented and float off. Only one guy was able to hold on. They've called off the search for the remaining three guys now.
Robin read a story about a couple that was trapped in a tunnel in Mexico while looking for buried treasure. Gary came in and had some IQ facts and information about George Bush. He said something about him having one of the lowest IQ's of any President ever.
Robin had a story about McGruff the Crime Dog whose slogan is ''Take a Bite Out of Crime.'' She said that McGruff was passing out leaflets to some kids in Washington DC and a bus driver got out and punched him in the face. The bus driver said he was trying to be funny when the cops caught him later.
Howard said that Artie should have had Jeff the Drunk dress up like McGruff the Crime Dog when he had him handing out his fliers. Artie said that it would have been weird to have him dress up just to throw those fliers out. He said that's what he thinks he did.
Robin said that they think that there may have been water on Mars millions of years ago. She wondered why we would care about that. She read the story and said that they think that some of the gullys there could have been formed by flowing water on the planet.
Robin read a story about the woman who called 911 three times about not being able to get McNuggets at McDonald's. They played some of the audio of her call. They have a no refund policy at McDonald's apparently. Howard said she may have a point with not giving her the money back.
Robin read a story about a 4 year old who called 911 when his mother passed out while making him lunch. They had some of that audio as well. Howard said that the kid said something else after that and played the little kid saying ''Baba Booey'' clip that he's been playing this week.
Robin had Howard play more of this 4 year old telling the 911 operator about his mom being passed out on his floor. Howard said that this kid is never going to be able to top this great moment. He said that he saved his mother's life at 4 and there's no way he can do better than that.
Robin read a story about the Mayor of New York changing the name of a street for the band U2. She had some audio of Bono accepting the honor. Mayor Bloomberg was talking about how they spread peace, tolerance and unity so that's why the honored them with that.
Robin had a story about Ted Kennedy being knighted by the Queen of England. That got Howard into his Ted Kennedy impression. Howard, Fred and Artie all did a little bit of their Kennedy impressions. Robin read the story about his special honor. Mayor Giuliani and Bill Gates have also been knighted by the Queen.
Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez going to see a doctor about some problems with his right hip that has a cyst on it. Howard was still doing his Kennedy impression around that time.
Robin read a story about Bernie Madoff and his problems with the law and ripping people off for billions of dollars. They're trying to say that his wife owns some of the stuff they have and that shouldn't be taken away in this case.
Robin read a story about a family that had their house redone by the Extreme Makeover show. They almost lost the house but the family filed for bankruptcy. They owe between 100 and $500,000 to creditors.
Robin read a story about a guy in Ocean County who won the Megamillions jackpot of $212 million. Howard and Artie were goofing around about some stuff around then so George said that its' amazing how she can plow on through that stuff with all of that juvenile stuff going on. Artie said he can't believe that they keep doing the juvenile stuff throughout the show.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
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Gary said that Jim asked to come on the show and he ended up canceling and then apologized for that today. Gary said that Jim was almost on and then he decided to wait a little while and he'd like to know why that was.
Gary said Jim was very nervous today and he seemed to think that they had something cooked up for him today but they really didn't.
Jon asked if Robin was really upset that she couldn't go in and say hi to Jim. Gary said that he wanted to save that for the air so that's why he did what he did. He said that he just shut the green room door so they could save that moment for the air.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Robin was dolled up more than usual today. Gary said he doesn't think that she went above board but she may have made sure that she was looking a little bit better than other days.
Jon asked Gary if the interview went as he thought it would. Gary said he thinks that they must have worked things out before he came in so there weren't any surprises. He said it went pretty much the way he expected with Fred doing his Jim impression.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the interview where Howard was talking to Jim asking him if he thought they might get back together.
After playing that clip Gary said that he wasn't able to hear the whole interview and asked if they talked about why they broke up. Jon said it never even came up. Benjy said he was dying to know what happened. Jon said that it was understood that they broke up and no one was talking about it and they're just moving on.
Benjy said that all they know is that they broke up after Jim went to Afghanistan with Artie. Gary said that they were over there doing their thing and he didn't ask him about it when they were there. Gary said that they had a satellite phone over there and he kept calling Robin and things seemed to be fine even though they kept missing each other.
Benjy said he'd love to know what really happened. He wonders why Howard didn't even ask about that. Benjy said they need to get Langford on that story.
Jon wondered if Jim was right for not introducing Robin to Crack Finger. Gary said he thinks that it was a good idea to keep him away from Robin. Gary said that he liked it when Jim said that he and Robin were taking upper deckers all across the country together.
Benjy said that he has to hold off on introducing stuff in relationships sometimes. He said that he wants to have threesomes but sometimes he has to hold off on that stuff. Benjy said that he dated someone recently who said that she was dating to find someone to marry so he told her about the threesome thing and how he wanted that in a marriage.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Jim talked about having kids and that's what had led to their break up. Gary said he didn't think they ever got to that point in their relationship. The caller said he thought that's what had happened. Gary said that he didn't think that they were that serious.
wheels called in and said that Robin had said that Jim wasn't making any time for her, that's what her complaint was. Wheels also said that they have to tell Eric the Midget that he just has to deal with people making fun of him and just get over it. Wheels said that his friends make fun of him all the time.
Gary said that Eric has never really had a social life and it's hard to expect him to be normal. Wheels wanted to talk to Eric on the phone and ask him some questions about going to the bathroom and stuff. He said he wants to ask him a lot of questions about the way he goes to the bathroom and stuff like that.
Sal said that Jon doesn't know what he's talking about and the albums that he was mentioning were the kind of albums that sat in big plastic bags in the back of record stores since the 1980s.
Jon and Gary argued about the two bands for a minute before Jon went back to the calls. One caller said that they were making Star Trek fans look normal talking about those bands that way.
A caller said that he thinks he saw Sal's wife out in a casino out in the Poconos a few weeks ago. Sal said he wasn't there but it could have been his wife. Gary said he heard a story about some fan going out to a store and seeing Sal's wife out. She ended up yelling out ''143! 143!'' and scared her out of the store. Gary asked Sal if that kind of stuff freaks him out. Sal said that he doesn't see it as an insult and she usually deals with it pretty well.
Sal said that they were down in Marco Island doing a show and there were people with ''Emotional Friend'' t-shirts on and that kind of stuff can bother her. Gary mentioned that Judah Freidlander was wearing a hat with ''Emotional Friend'' on it on ''30 Rock'' one night and that had to have come from the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary why he has to bash KISS so much. Gary said that he's not a fan of theirs and they wouldn't be as big as they are without the make up. Sal said he has to agree with him on that.
The caller said that all of KISS' songs are rock and roll and there aren't a lot of bands out there like that. Gary said that there are a lot of bands that are all about rock and roll.
Sal was getting all worked up about his beloved KISS. He was arguing with Gary about how great they are and how long they've been around.
Gary asked Sal about being the President of the Beastie Nation (Beastie Boys) fan club. Sal said that they used to discuss the band and their lyrics and stuff like that in the group. He said that's what he was doing when he was much younger. Gary said it sounds like he was monitoring the message board. He asked if he was self appointed or something. Sal said that he was actually self appointed. Gary got a laugh out of that. Sal said there were only like 25 or 30 people in the club.
Gary said that Sal was basically on a message board calling himself President. Sal said that he did that but he also wrote to the band and told them that he was the President of the fan club. Sal told a few stories about dealing with the band and some of the stuff he was doing as that obsessed fan that he was. He said that he was so obsessed that he went out and bought a Hondo guitar for one of the guys in the band. Sal said he snuck into the show to deliver him the guitar. He said that he gave Adam the guitar and the guy gave him a big hug. He said that he started to follow Adam as he was walking away and he turned to him a couple of times and thanked him. Sal kept following him until he locked his trailer door on him.
Gary said that Sal is like that now and he's still following Howard around and they're just not smart enough to lock the trailer door on him.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up KISS again and that got Sal arguing about what a great band they are and how they still sell out concerts.
Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge's show called in and said that he's on both sides in the Rush and KISS argument. He said that Gary was wrong when he said that they had never been on the show too. He said that they were on the show back in 1992 and performed ''Detroit Rock City'' live on the show. Gary said he was just saying that it would be a tough sell getting them on the show today.
Brent said that he thinks that both KISS and Rush should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Sal and Brent went on and on about that stuff for a couple of minutes.
Gary said that he once got a call from Gene Simmons telling him that he was going to come down and kick the shit out of Howard if he found out that he had said what he thought he had said on the show. Gary said that it was very funny back when it happened. He said that Gene was very mad at them and it was very funny when he was threatening him.
Ralph called in and said that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is an asinine thing to begin with. He said that it's not even a real thing. Gary said it is real.
Ralph said that KISS plays great rock and roll music but it's just pop rock. Gary said that they were spending way too much time on this. Ralph said that the band had some great songs that they didn't do in make up. Jon asked him to name one song like that but Sal threw it in before Ralph had a chance.
Jon agreed with Ralph about their music being Pop and not hard rock. Sal said that they're hard rock. They went back and forth on that for a little longer.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he didn't think that either of those bands should get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said that Blue Oyster Cult belongs in there though. The guys ended up talking about them for a short time as well. Jon said that they had a couple of good songs but maybe not enough to be in the hall of fame. They had to go to break after that.
This woman Amy who they talked about on the show yesterday, called in and said that she didn't like what Gary was saying about finding something that she wasn't comfortable doing that Howard was comfortable doing. She said that she wouldn't be comfortable doing any of the things that they threw at her but she's willing to do them to get on the show.
Amy said that she's afraid of the dark so Gary said that she had said enough right there. Gary said that they can go back and come up with a lot of stuff for her to do if she gives them that kind of information. Amy was also saying that she has been a fan of Howard's since 1993 and not just two years like her boyfriend said.
Gary said that he thought that her boyfriend just got her started. Benjy said he thinks that she's a real fan and asked her what Fred's real name was. She had no idea that it was Eric Fred Norris. They threw a few more questions at her and she knew that he had 3 daughters. She didn't know his middle name. Gary said that she might be a fan but she doesn't sound like the biggest fan.
Benjy asked Amy if she would have sex with them. She said that she would if it was protected sex and her boyfriend was okay with it.
Amy said that she goes home and downloads the show every day. Sal told her that's illegal. They hung up on her after she mentioned that.
Gary was talking about the great impression Fred did of Dick Cavet during that interview. Jon asked if he thinks that Jimmy would ask Howard to do the taped questions like they mentioned. Gary said that he doesn't think that they'll do that. He said that they won't get guests if they start doing stuff like that. He said it wouldn't be as funny if they did that with guests that would be willing to answer those questions.
Sal said that none of these guys can get away with asking the kind of questions that Howard asks. He said that they all have to be safe and ask the lame questions like all of the other talk show hosts do on TV.
Gary said that some publicists keep their clients protected and won't let them come on the show but others know that the show is powerful and they do let them come on and the interviews turn out great.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was a fan of Slipknot and they would dress up like KISS in a way. He said that when he saw that the masks were a gimmick, he stopped liking that kind of thing. He said that they didn't have that much talent and he realized that the hall of fame is more about talent.
Another caller said that the Grateful Dead have fans that are really hard core. He said that they beat out the KISS fans any day. The caller also asked Gary if he's going to do on the air shows when the Stern Show is over. Gary said that he's not sure he could even get a job producing the Jimmy Fallon show and he's not looking to do anything on the air. He said that he would rather be a producer anyway. Sal said that he can barely host this show. Gary said he knows enough that Sal should leave.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jimmy Fallon has an uncomfortable persona on camera and it's uncomfortable to watch him on TV. He said that when he tells his jokes he just over responds to the audience. Gary said that he only saw the first 20 minutes of his first show but that's basically the way the guy acts. He's only done two shows so far and you can't make a decision that quickly on the guy.
Sal said that you have to come out with guns blazing when you do a show like that and he thinks that Conan was like that. Gary said that he's not remembering the way Conan was in the beginning. The guys were arguing with Sal but Sal wasn't listening to the arguments. The guys told him that maybe NBC wasn't looking for someone to come out with guns blazing. They wanted him for that persona he has.
Sal said that Jimmy is funny and he might have the longevity but you have to balance it all out. He said the guy has to have some kind of confidence when he's on camera.
Benjy said that during the break after the interview he saw Howard telling Jimmy to keep a diary of all of this stuff and Jimmy didn't seem to take that in, he was just excited to be talking to Howard.
Gary said that Jimmy brought in a guitar with him and Howard didn't know that he had it with him. Gary said that Howard apologized to him for not getting to the song but Jimmy said that it wasn't a big deal and he just brought it with him just in case he needed it.
Sal said that maybe Vinnie Favale finally got the e-mail right. Sal said that he thinks that they'd be very happy together if they did get back together.
The guys brought up Artie going back to Afghanistan and Jason was making fun of Gary for asking Artie to go out there with him. Jason asked if he's going back this time. Gary said he hasn't been asked to go. Jason said that he didn't ask the last time either.
A caller said that he was enjoying that Jimmy Fallon interview. He said that he was so interested in that show and he hopes that it lasts. The caller also asked how many weeks of vacation they take a year. Gary said he thinks it's 10 weeks. The caller said that's not so bad.
Jon also brought up Robin talking about how she didn't have that great of a time out with Ralph and Jillian Barberie. The guys said that Robin did answer that pretty well when she said she had a good time out at dinner with Jillian. She hung out with her for the whole night though.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Rush and KISS thing again. The guy said that KISS is crap and Rush is awesome. Sal said that he was in a Rush to get this guy off the phone.
Another caller said that the Jimmy Fallon show will be canceled before this show is even over. He was also saying that Sal is more in love with Howard than ever and he's a homo. He said that Sal would fuck Howard in a second if he had the chance. Sal laughed and said that he wouldn't do that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about picking up where they left off yesterday. He said that George was there for his final day this week. He asked George what he did yesterday while he was in town. George said that yesterday was their 22nd anniversary so they went out and celebrated. Howard asked if it was the anniversary of the first time they had sex. George said that's right.
George said that Brad looked quite different back then than he does today. He said he was like a race horse back then. Artie laughed when he heard that description. Howard said it almost sounds like he's not happy with the way Brad looks today. George said that he's trying to get him to lose a little weight.
George said that they went out to dinner and saw a Jane Fonda show last night. He told Howard what the show was about and Howard asked him not to spoil it for him. Artie told George that he had fucked up the whole thing for him and now he can't go see it. George said that Jane was fantastic in the show. Howard said it has to be tough to see Jane at her age. George said that they actually worked together years ago on the fight against the Vietnam war.
Howard asked George if he goes back stage to meet Jane since he's a star. George said he generally does but they were meeting friends last night so they didn't have time. George said that it was a matinee audience so there were a lot of seniors there.
George talked about the 22nd anniversary and said that they did everything that day. Howard asked if that was anal day. George said that they did that back then and it was lust at first sight for them. Howard said that George must have just wanted to mount him no matter what.
Howard asked George if he got anal from Brad. George said that didn't happen. The guys asked why Brad doesn't give him anal. George said that he just doesn't enjoy it.
George talked about the restaurant that they went to last night and how great the food was there. George told Howard what he had to eat there and described it in a way that made it sound kind of gross. George said that the flavors were sensational.
Howard asked George if they had sex last night. George said that they did but it wasn't really the same as the first time they did it. Howard asked George if he's upset about that and if he's less attracted to him because of that. George said it's not like that at all. George said that Brad gets up early in the morning with him and actually makes tea for him and gets him something to eat. Artie was laughing at him as he told him that story.
Artie said he was laughing at all of the innuendos that George was making this morning and not even realizing it. George said he knew it when Artie was laughing at him.
Howard asked Artie if Dana is only showing up to the big events for him. Artie said that's not it at all. He said that he's feeling really good lately too. George told him that he just needs to trim down a little bit and he'd be much better off. George said he's seen Artie much thinner and he looks so good when he's thin. George said that Artie's dad was a very good looking man too. Artie asked him not to say that about his dad. Howard told Artie he's not that much of a homophobe to be against him saying that. Artie said that he's not but his father was.
Artie said that he and his mother and sister went out to eat last night. His sister is going off to Japan for a while. He said that they were talking about George at dinner and how he seems to be able to find good in anyone.
George said that he was out at an event recently and saw Fran Drescher talking about what the punishment should be for Hitler. George said that she was saying that his punishment should be to come back as an African American living in the United States. Howard said that didn't make much sense. George said he had no idea what she was talking about because the President of the country is an African American.
Howard mentioned that this 22nd anniversary is for the day that George and Brad had sex for the first time. George quickly changed subjects and mentioned that Colin Hanks is also in that play that they saw yesterday. George was also talking about something he's going to be in where he plays himself.
The caller said he's not sure he can do that. Howard said that it's not comfortable doing it but you have to protect your kids and your money. If he can't have that conversation then maybe he shouldn't get married. The guy said that he has a good job, a house, cars, motorcycles and a bunch of stuff and the woman has nothing.
Howard told the guy that he could end up staying with her forever but there's a chance that he won't. He said that she's going to be there for him for a while so he has to figure out what that's worth. Howard said that this is basically a business transaction. Robin said that they should split things 50/50 from what they build in the marriage.
Howard asked if the woman is fully shaved. The caller said she was but he likes hair so he had her grow some in. The guy said that his girlfriend wasn't doing all that well and she still only makes like $17,000 a year. He said that he does very well for himself and he makes about $70,000 a year. Artie said that's a nice living. The guy said that he doesn't want to lose his house so he's got to protect that.
Howard said that if the marriage lasts 3 years then he should be able to say that nothing is split. He could put that in a pre-nup. Howard said they can structure a pre-nup any way they want to.
Howard said that Dominic Barbara video tapes all of the pre-nups he works on. He said that they have another lawyer in the room with the woman while they're doing it to show that there isn't nay coercion going on.
Howard said that a guy like this needs a pre-nup even more than a rich guy does because he can't afford to lose more money. The guy said that he had major problems with the first wife and he had to pay her off $70,000. He said he refinanced his house and gave her that money and bought himself a motorcycle so he could enjoy that.
Howard said that if this guy gets divorced again he's going to end up living in a basement with a hot plate while the wife takes his house. Howard said that's the way things work if you don't have a pre-nup. Howard told the guy not to go by his word since he's not a lawyer. He said he can't spend all day on this.
Howard said that Eric was complaining that he didn't have an acting job in the past 4 years so he went out and found something for him. Robin said that Eric has been saying that Howard has ruined his life lately. Howard said that's true.
Eric said that yesterday he found a bunch of people who are stealing his content and he sent that to his people to shut them down. He's doing that to show his support for the show. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said he knows a guy at ABC by the name of Robert Mills who works on The Bachelor. Robin asked if he's going to be the next Bachelor. Howard said that's kind of what it is.
Howard said that he was talking to this guy about Eric and Robert asked if he wanted him to have a meeting with him. Howard said that Robert said that Eric might be able to be the next Bachelor. Howard said that he could even end up on The Bachelorette. Howard said that he might be able to be one of the guys trying to get the woman's hand in marriage. Howard said that they're talking about making him part of a reality show and being one of the stars. Howard said he knows that Eric is looking for an acting job. Artie said that the girl would be the one who is acting.
Howard said that Robert is willing to take a meeting with Eric and he's doing it because he loves the show. Robin said that Eric is going to fuck up the meeting somehow. She said that he'll start making demands and ask for Cameron Diaz and asking for tickets and stuff to fly out to wherever it is he has to go.
Howard said that he thought Robert was kidding at first but now he thinks that he's legitimate. Robin was shocked and said that she hopes that Eric doesn't blow it.
Howard said that he's working on this but it's not a done deal. Eric just said ''Okay.'' Robin asked him if he knows how to say ''thank you.'' Eric said that as well after that.
Howard asked Eric if he was happy with this. Eric let out a word that Artie thought was a mix of ''right'' and ''what'' so he made fun of him saying that.
Howard told Eric that he's waiting to hear from Robert again. Eric asked Howard to keep him updated. Howard asked Eric if he has a problem going to the meeting in Los Angeles. Eric said that's not a problem. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Fred played a bunch of those ''Eric the...'' edited clips after he let him go.
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Artie said that he probably sent it to Bubba and Bubba will be talking about the letter on his show instead. Artie was saying that he's going to visit Bubba in a few weeks when he has a gig down in Florida. The guys talked about how great Bubba is at entertaining down there. Howard said that he always has women and he's such a good host, much better than he could ever be.
Artie said that Bubba has had people out on his boat and they had a couple of broads putting on quite a show out on the water one day.
Howard said that he would hold onto that boat for dear life if he was out there. Robin said that there are contests for people holding on to cars for days at a time. Some people just forget to hold on. Howard said that it's even more bizarre that the guys made a conscious decision to let go and float away.
Howard said that you'd think that athletes would be able to have that mental ability to hold on. He said that they're these really strong guys and you'd think that they'd have the ability to stay in the mindset to hold on. He said that they must have just lost hope out there and let go. He said that if they knew that they'd be rescued in 2 days they probably would have held on. He said the survivor said that he probably would have been good for another 8 to 10 hours and then he would have been gone too.
Howard said that he wouldn't have even been able to do that ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'' that George did. Howard said that he's not sure he would have even made it out of the airport.
Artie asked how long before the guy was rescued did the NFL players let go. Howard said he wasn't sure about that. He read through the article but he wasn't able to find that information. Howard said that they were saying that the guy who held on had a real mental toughness.
Artie said that the water is scary and talked about how they flew over Long Island Sound and even that looked like it was endless. He said that you end up like a speck out in the water when you're lost in a boat somewhere.
Howard said that he was reading about this woman who was married to Eddie Murphy. Howard said that she went out and started dating. She was with this Michael Strahan and he thought she was cheating on him so he tracked her with some tracking devices and found that she was cheating on him. Howard said that it was a pretty wild story.
Howard found the other information where they say that the first NFL player let go after just 2-4 hours in the water. The other guy let go a few hours later.
Dominic said that you can carry a device on your life jacket that carries a signal so they can identify where you are. He said that the reason they take the jackets off is because they don't want sharks to eat them while they're in the jacket. He said that by drowning, it's all over.
Dominic said that when you're out there for that long you get disoriented and may have just taken the jackets off. He said that there were some people who died on wave runners and ended up dying. He said that the families were going to sue but they dropped the case because there was no law saying that they had to have GPS trackers on the boats.
Dominic said that he knows that his Mayday is on Ralph's phone as a ring tone but when you're out in the water like that, it's very scary. He said that it was very scary when the boat was on fire. He said it was frightening. They played a little bit of his Mayday call as Howard was letting him go.
Howard said that this call was from 2008. He played the clip and Octomom was going crazy saying that her baby disappeared and kept asking ''Where's JJ?'' over and over again. She said she was going to kill herself over and over as well. She was so upset about what was going that she said that in front of her other kids. The operator told her not to say that in front of the other kids.
Howard said that this woman is out of her mind. He said that's someone who needs 8 more kids. She wasn't even able to keep track of the 6 she had.
Howard said that she starts to cry in the call and then the operator is treating her like a kid and it's very weird. He played more of the call where the kid ends up coming home and she breaks down crying and tells the operator what had happened.
Octomom was crying and asked the operator if she was still there. George said that the kid sounded more mature than the mother did in that call. The kid was telling her that he was fine and asked her what the problem was.
Howard said that was Octomom when she only had 6 kids. Howard said that she was crying for 10 seconds and then asked the operator if she was still there.
Another caller asked Howard about having sex with Beth and if she has ever surprised him by requesting that he cum in her face or anything. Howard said that she's pretty proper and she's not wild like that. Howard said he's been with other women like that. He said that he's tried to cum on a woman's face but he missed and it ended up on the pillow.
The caller asked if she would ever do that. Howard said that Beth can be pretty wild but they're both pretty wild. He said that Beth is actually perfect for him and they like to just get to the main event and not do that other stuff. Howard said he's not even into the blow job thing that much. He said that he's had women do it exceptionally well but he doesn't need it.
George said that he's not into finishing on someone's face. He said that he will finish in a guy's mouth though. Artie said that a woman's vagina feels so good that there's nothing better than that. George said that's for procreation though.
George said that he's had women too but the feeling you have for the partner is what counts. He said that he enjoys the penis too and women just don't have that. Howard asked George if he likes taking a load in his mouth. George said that's part of the whole experience.
George said that sometimes he takes a load in the mouth but he spits it out. Artie was hearing that and said that he was going to go. He said he had to leave the studio when he heard the load talk.
The caller wanted to help Artie out and plug a gig for him. Artie told him he doesn't have to do that. The guy got in the plug anyway for this benefit show he's doing in May. The guy said you can get tickets at ComedyRocksNJ.com
Another caller wasn't getting to his point so Howard hung right up on him too. He said that some days things are just too idiotic for him to handle so he had to get out of that. Howard said he had to take a break anyway.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Artie got in on that as well. Howard said that his kids like some cool music. He said that his youngest daughter, Ashley, was singing some Beatles and old Motown stuff. Howard said that she's not into that new music crap that's out there. Howard said one of his daughters took a course on the Beatles in college.
George told Howard that there's actually a class about Star Trek out at UCLA. Howard asked George if he ever goes out to teach there. George said he hasn't done that.
Howard said that they were doing a story about water on Mars and George kind of broke into that Mr. Sulu kind of thing and talked about why they need to go out there to find out what's on the planet.
Howard mentioned that his daughter had graduated from Washington University out in St. Louis. Artie said that's a really good school. Howard talked about what she studied out there. Howard said he was telling his daughter Debra that she should go to law school but she doesn't want to do that. He said that she helps people out right now but he didn't want to get into details about what she's actually doing.
Howard said that if you get a law degree you don't even have to be a lawyer. He said that knowing how to read contracts and dealing with people in that way is the best thing to know.
Howard said that they have Kevin Nealon coming in later. They also have porn star Sophia Ross. Howard took a call from a guy who asked him when he started to turn into Imus. Howard said that he was bitten by Imus many years ago and that's when he started to change. The guy said that Howard has been complaining about Imus over the years about talking about his wife on his show all the time and now Howard is doing that with Beth. The guy said that by the time Beth is done with him, she's going to be a superstar. Howard said that's good and hung up on the caller.
Howard said that Imus' wife went on his show to do a contest just to meet Imus. Beth isn't like that at all. Howard said that Beth had a career of her own before he even met her.
Howard said that a photographer sent them some pictures of Jackie's wife nude on a beach. Howard said that she's kind of getting into all of that a little late. Robin asked what she's thinking with that. Howard said he didn't know.
Lisa said that they have a story about William Shatner's TV show and how he has George Takei's name on the list of guests that they'd like to have. Howard said that he knows that George won't do that show. George said that's right and he will not do that show.
George said that Bill is just like Octomom in the way that everything is all about him. He said that he can act the part of a nice guy but he's really not. George said that he turned down Star Trek 5 because Bill was directing the movie. He said that Bill was telling him that he was so wonderful that he just had him come and do it. He said that Nichele Nichols asked him to do it and that's when he was convinced. Lisa asked George if he was saying yes or no to Bill then. George said he can always be bought.
Lisa said that they have a story about the Jewish teeth that Sal tried to sell on the Tradio show. Howard said that was a great call that he made. Howard said that they called Tradio again but they have a different host and that guy gets all frazzled. Howard played that call and the host is just as goofy as the other host was. Howard said that the other guy had an even more annoying voice.
In the new call the host takes the call from Sal who says that his name is John Golbunny. Howard cut it off right there and said that was ridiculous because it's not even close to being a real name. Artie started to make fun of those dumb names that Sal has been coming up with lately.
Howard restarted the call from the beginning and let it play through. Sal told the guy that he had inherited a portable, refuelable flaming cross that he got from his uncle. They hung right up on him when they heard that. Howard said that this guy apparently listens to the callers like the last host. The guy goes on to take a call from Richard who says that he has a barometer for sale. He tells the guy that it measures about 20 different things and went on and on giving the details about the barometer. They eventually cut him off and the host said that he's never gotten calls like that in all the time he's been doing that show.
Sal called back and said that his name was Harry Wang. He tells them that he has a breeding kit for chickens. He says that they have the holding pen with a cock ring and how that works. He mentioned ''cock'' about 10 times. The host just said ''okay'' after he described that. They ended up hanging up on him as well. The next caller said that he was against those people who were crank calling them and the guy said that he's praying in Jesus' name that they stop. Richard got back on again and said that they had hung up on him and he still had more details about that barometer. They hung up on him again.
Lisa got back to her news preview and she said that they found a man who actually sells jewelry that's made of the gold from the Jewish teeth that were collected in the Holocaust. She said that the guy claims that he's not an anti-Semite though. Howard said that there are many other things that the guy could be collecting.
Howard said they have audio of Lisa G at some awards event many years ago and she was up on stage dancing with Dr. Dre and Ed Lover. Lisa said that was a very long time ago.
Howard said Penny Crone was up there yesterday and he ran into her in the halls. Howard said that he has said to Gary many times that when he gets off the air he's very tired and he wants a straight shot back to his office. Howard said that Penny saw him and he didn't want to run away so he said hi to her. Howard said that after the show he's done talking though. He said he couldn't make it back there with people in the halls there. Howard said he knows that Robin likes that social interaction but he doesn't have the energy for that.
Gary put the blame on Ronnie. He said that he didn't even know that Penny was up there until after noon. He said that Gange booked her and he had her come up there. Gary said that if it was a Miss Howard TV Gange would have told her to stay away from Howard.
Mike Gange said that Penny would have never seen Howard if he didn't stop in front of the green room. Gange said that she wouldn't have seen him or known he was there if he hadn't stopped. Howard told Gange to close the door to the green room then. Howard said he's not holding Gange responsible, that's Gary's fault.
Howard said that Gange still doesn't get it even after all these years. Gange said that she was inside the green room. Howard said the door was open and it should have been closed. He said that's not crazy. Gange said that he thinks it's cuckoo for saying hello to someone for 2 minutes. Howard said he wants to sleep after the show.
Gary said that Gange should know better at this point that Howard doesn't want to meet and greet people like that. Gange said that he would want to see someone like that if he hadn't seen them in a long time. Howard said that Gange needs a shrink. He said that he's not on Facebook telling everyone about every bowel movement he makes. He said that's screaming out for attention. Howard said that his brain is fried after the show and he needs rest.
Howard said that Gange has to stop befriending all of the Miss Howard TV girls too. He said that he's never going to get one of them to marry him so he should just stop with that.
Howard said the girl that was smart was the one that dumped Gange. Howard said that he's not the cuckoo one there, Gange is. Gange said that most people are friendly and Howard isn't. Howard said that he's friendly for 5 hours on the air.
Howard said that he likes Penny Crone and he was happy that she was up there doing that stuff for them yesterday. The Howard TV guys put some pictures of Gange's ex up on the monitors in there and she was making out with some other guy. Gange said that one of the women was actually her sister.
Howard said that Penny is very sensitive and he loves her but Gange was throwing him into his party with that yesterday. Howard said that Lisa wasn't even able to look at Artie after she found out that he was back with Dana.
Artie said that this whole Lisa thing has gotten out of hand. He said that he was back by the vending machine the other day and she was watching over him to see if he was going to buy anything out of the machine. He said that she was looking at him in a sad way. He said that he's not really back with Dana either so if Lisa wants to bang him, she can bang him. Artie said he might have to go to Human Resources if this keeps up though. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Kevin is much larger than he thought he was. Kevin said that Howard looks nothing like he thought he would look like. He said that he always wondered what the studio was like too and it was like a strip club. Howard said that whenever he interviews someone from SNL he thinks that they're laughing at him because they all do those bits where they make the radio guys seem like they never listen.
Howard said that Kevin did a great Crank Yankers call where he did that kind of ''Yeah... uh huh, uh huh...'' thing. He played the call to remind people of what that was all about. Kevin had called a woman asking about the car she was selling and kept saying ''uh huh, mmm hmm, yeah'' over and over as she was telling him about the vehicle. He eventually breaks into a monkey sound. All of the guys were cracking up listening to the call.
Howard said that you wonder why some of those people stay on the line so long. That woman hung in there for a long time. Kevin said he barely remembers doing that call. Howard asked Kevin how they do that stuff. Kevin said they record them out in Las Vegas since that's the only place it's legal to do that. Kevin said that they'd have people giving him ideas in the studio as it was going on and some of them just weren't that good. Kevin said that one that they played was funny.
Howard said that he pictures Kevin's family not being so happy that he got into comedy. Kevin said that he was from Bridgeport, Connecticut and he decided to start doing the stand-up in college. He said that he was memorizing the jokes in the back of Parade magazine back then. Kevin said that he would tell the jokes as if they were his own at family parties and stuff. Kevin said that his friends told him to give comedy a try so that's what he did.
Kevin said that he was going to Sacred Heart University for four years and then waited a year before getting into comedy. He also played football for a while and was the quarterback on the team. Kevin said that they found out he was too old to play so he had to get into comedy after that.
Kevin said that he went into a club and saw people like Belzer and he figured there was no way he could do that. Kevin said he went out to Los Angeles and started hitting the open mic nights out there.
Howard asked Kevin if he thought about the odds of going out there and doing that and how it could have ended up being a disaster. Kevin said that he gave it two years and said that if nothing happened, he'd get out of the business. He said things started happening and it has evolved over the years.
Howard told Kevin that Artie thinks that he's one of the best guys out there. Kevin said that Artie is correct about that.
Howard asked Kevin how he got on SNL. Kevin said that Dana Carvey was renting a room over his garage and he was a friend of his. He said that Dana got on the show that summer and he was kind of watching what was going on with that. He was dating Jan Hooks at the time and she was also up for a spot on that show. He said that they were friends for like 6 years before that. Howard asked Kevin about that relationship and how that went when he broke up with her. Kevin said that it was kind of uncomfortable. He said that Jan wasn't too happy with him around that time.
Howard asked Kevin if he had anal with Jan. Kevin just laughed because he said that's the Howard he was waiting for.
Kevin told Howard that he knew Dana and Jan and they were both up for the show. He said that Dana called him from Lorne Michaels' house and told him that they were looking for one more guy. Dana told him to send in his tapes so he could try out for the show.
Howard said that he would be jealous of Dana if he were Kevin. Kevin said that he was very happy for Dana and wasn't jealous at all. Howard said that he's not like that and he would be so jealous of the guy if he was hanging out with Lorne Michaels and the guys from Saturday Night Live.
Kevin said that he sent in his tapes and Dana called him to tell him about hanging out with some of the other guys from SNL. Howard said that Dana was probably making all of that up and doing the voices himself from his apartment.
Kevin said that he started to get excited about SNL. He said that he flew back to New York and they all auditioned. He said that the cast were all there and watching him audition. Kevin said that he knew a lot of the guys there and he wasn't that nervous because he figured there was no way he was ever going to get the job.
Howard asked Kevin if any of the people who didn't get the job went on to have big careers. Kevin said that George W Bush did. He was just kidding and said that he doesn't remember anyone there going on to do big things but he did remember doing auditions with Steve Carell back in those days.
Artie asked Kevin if he ever did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Kevin said he did. Artie said that Norm told him about that appearance and how it was one of the best appearances ever from what Norm said. Kevin said that he did a big on that show where he did this ''choices'' thing and it went over very well. He said that he was really nervous about doing that show and he had sweat running down the back of his legs from being so nervous.
Howard said that so many comedians went on the Tonight Show and when Johnny would let them sit down on the couch, they'd become millionaires instantly. Kevin said that he did bump one of the women on the show back then.
Kevin said that he got the job on SNL pretty quick after he did his audition. He said that was a great thing to get but it was very intimidating for him. He said he felt like he really didn't belong there.
Howard said that he was telling Jimmy Fallon yesterday that some of those people end up fading away to nothing but there are some who go on to do great things. Howard asked Kevin if he thought it was the end of his career when he left the show. Kevin said that there was pressure there. He said that he was on SNL for 9 seasons and he loved being on the show. He said that he liked meeting Steve Martin and so many other people that he looked up to.
Kevin said that SNL was doing really bad in the ratings and they were about to be canceled. He said that they were pretending like they had no one watching so it took some of the pressure off.
Kevin said that he remembers watching Howard on Letterman one time back then and Howard came right up to him and asked him how he did on there. Kevin said that Howard probably doesn't remember that though. Howard said that he probably did do that because there is so much pressure to do shows like that. Howard said that he didn't even know Kevin back then and he was going up to him asking him how he did.
Howard asked Kevin why he likes to entertain like this. Is he looking for attention? Kevin said that he was raised by a great family but he loves to make people laugh and he gets an adrenalin rush from doing it.
Howard asked Kevin if he's close to Adam Sandler. Kevin said that Adam is super loyal to his friends. He said that he's so loyal that he won't even buy any car other than an American made car.
Howard said he read that Kevin had attended Jennifer Aniston's 40th birthday party. Kevin said that they do some amazing research on that show. He said he was laying in bed wondering what they were going to find out about that he's done in his life.
Howard asked Kevin what went wrong with Jan Hooks. Kevin said that nothing went wrong, it just ran its course and that was it. He said that sometimes that just happens. Howard said that he read that Jan was dating Phil Hartman for a while. Kevin said that he didn't know that. He swore that he really didn't know that but he's happy for her if she did.
Howard said that Kevin is on ''Weeds'' now and it's a good job for him. Kevin said that it's a very good job for him. He said that he had left SNL to do a pilot for NBC and that didn't work out. Kevin said that he had enough of SNL back then after 9 years of being on. He said that he still talks to Lorne about once a year these days. Howard asked if he was upset that Lorne gave Jimmy Fallon the job replacing Conan. Kevin said that when Conan was taking over for Dave he thinks that Lorne may have asked him to do that show but he's not sure if that was the case or not. He thinks that he said no to him about it.
Howard said that it sounds like that job is a nightmare and Jimmy is working 12 hours a day on that show writing jokes and stuff.
Kevin said that he had a couple of sitcoms that didn't last too long. That led to him talking about working with Richard Lewis on ''Hiller and Diller'' and he used to talk to him on the phone and Richard would always hang up on him in the middle of the call. He liked to go out on a high note so he'd always hang up on a joke.
Howard asked if Weeds is paying well. Kevin said that it doesn't pay all that well because it is on Showtime. He said that he's living comfortably on his Saturday Night Live money. He said that he's actually doing comedy to make money.
Howard said that Kevin is going to be at Caroline's this weekend. Howard said that he's got a book out called ''Yes, You're Pregnant, but What About Me?.''
Howard said he has never seen ''Weeds'' but he should see the shows. Howard said that it's funny that Kevin plays a stoner in the show. Howard asked Kevin if Artie reminds him of his old cast mate Chris Farley. Kevin said that Artie is like Chris in that way that he's still agile at sports. He has played some games with Artie in the past.
Kevin said that he thought that Artie might be heading down that Chris Farley road but when he saw him today he didn't think that was the case. He thought he was looking pretty good today.
Howard asked Kevin about how he got invited to that Jennifer Aniston party. Kevin said that he was invited to Ellen Degeneres' party after he appeared on her show and then he met Jennifer there and she invited him to her party as well. Kevin said that he has known Jennifer for many years. He said that he met her at a restaurant where she was working before she got on ''Friends.'' Kevin said that he kind of met her on a show he was doing after that and he's been friends with her for years. Howard said she's got some ass on her. Kevin said ''I guess...''
Howard said that Oprah Winfrey was at the party too. Kevin said that he missed her. He said that he was late getting there because he had a gig. Sheryl Crow, Courtney Cox, Tom Hanks and Tobey Maguire were also at the party. Kevin said that he saw those people but did miss Oprah.
Kevin said that he didn't feel like he belonged at the party. He said he felt like a pedestrian who just happened to walk in there. Gary said he heard that John Mayer sang a song for Jennifer but Kevin said that he missed that.
Kevin was asking Howard about Beth and what's going on with them. Howard said that he's been with Beth for 8 years now. Kevin asked about having kids. Howard said that Beth has no desire to be a mother, she mothers him instead. Howard said that she would be a terrific mother but they have spent time talking about it and they really don't want to have kids. Kevin said that he did want to be a father so that's why he has a 2 year old now. That's how his book came about too.
Howard asked Kevin about the kid and if he was getting upset that she wasn't paying attention to him. Kevin said that he loves the kids so much that he's really not like that. Kevin said that he wants the kid to have anything he wants. He said that he and his wife still have fun together though so things are good.
Howard asked Kevin if his wife still gets into special outfits for him. Kevin said that she will do that for him. He also joked that she will still spank him when he's naughty too.
Howard wrapped up and gave Kevin some plugs for his book and for ''Weeds.'' Howard said that he likes that Mary Louise Parker so he might be interested in seeing that. Gary said that she gets banged in the show all the time and Howard would love the show. Howard said that Mary is the one who was left by Billy Crudup when she got pregnant. Howard said that Billy left her for Claire Danes.
Gary said that he read that Mary was dating the black guy on ''Weeds'' but Kevin didn't think that was the case. He said that maybe that's something he just doesn't know about.
Gary had a picture of Kevin's wife so he showed that to Howard. Howard said that she is attractive and she has a very nice body. Kevin said that the picture was probably before the baby. Then he told Howard that she was actually 9 months pregnant in that picture.
Kevin said that he was going to do a pilot for a show one time and his wife, before she was his wife, was in the dressing room. Kevin said that he asked the make up person if a single guy could adopt a child. He was serious about that but he was also trying to get the woman's attention. He said that she perked up and they got to know each other after that. Howard wrapped up with Kevin a short time later and gave him some more plugs for his book and TV show. He said that he might go see him at Caroline's this weekend too.
Howard came back and asked George to do a quick announce for them. George talked about how much he loves that Steve Langford in the announcement.
Howard asked George if he gets goose bumps when he hears the Star Trek theme song. George said that he does because he owes a lot to that show. Howard said that he must love that Leonard Nimoy is all over the new Star Trek movie and Shatner isn't. George said that he does love that and he thinks that Shatner has no taste. He said the movie trailer looks really good for that movie.
Howard said that he had some Riley Martin show audio clips. He said that he sounded like he was under the weather again last night. He played some of the opening of his show and Riley was sounding like he may have had his ''food poisoning'' again. Riley was slurring his words and was barely able to speak. Riley then tried to tell a story but he was speaking very slow and wasn't able to get the story out. Howard said that Riley is like Paul Harvey in the way he tells stories. Howard said he was hooked in on the story.
Howard played more of the Riley show clips and Riley was talking about speaking to Tan, the alien, and he was giving him some advice. Riley then asked his co-host about a guest they had coming up and got into that. Howard said that if Riley drank he'd really sound inarticulate. Howard asked Riley to have a little pride in the show and get his act together for the one hour a week he has to do.
Riley was on the phone so he was telling Howard that he was caught a few days there in freezing weather because of the low pay they give him. He blamed Howard for that whole thing and told Howard that he's a cheap bastard. Riley said that he's going to be at the Hawk Pointe Golf Club in Washington, New Jersey soon. He said that he will be there on Saturday around 7 o'clock. He said that he and E-Ron and his lovely wife will be there. Howard asked him what he's going to be doing there. Riley said that he will be making an appearance there and it's being sponsored by the Warren County Community College. He said that he would invite him there but he didn't think that he would come.
JD came in and told Howard to play the clip where Riley talks about the over population of the world. Howard thanked Riley for calling in and let him go a short time later.
Howard played some of the clip that JD told him to play. In that clip E-Ron asked Riley if it was true that the world is over populated. Riley slowly answers the question and talks about what has happened in the past.
Gary said that Tim was telling him that Riley was calling him all day that day asking to do a 4 hour show and meanwhile he can't even trust him to do an hour.
Howard played more of the audio and goofed on the way Riley was stumbling and pausing with his speech. George said that he has no idea what he's talking about at any time he hears him.
Howard let the clip play on and Riley seemed to be slowing down even more as the clip was going on. Artie was doing an impression of him that was pretty funny.
Gary said that Howard had asked if there were lyrics to the Star Trek song and it turns out there were. He said that this guy had made a deal with Gene Rodenberry and Gene made a deal with him to write the lyrics so he could get 50 percent of the royalties on the song. He never intended to use the lyrics with the song though. Howard read the lyrics to the song but they didn't match up quite right. They eventually kind of fit in there but they didn't work very well with them.
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Howard said he was on Sophia's web site (SophiaRossi.com) last night and she was doing all kinds of stuff there. She's no longer doing video porn but she's still doing the photo stuff.
Howard asked how she got into porn. Sophia said that she met Jenna Jameson and she asked her to do a movie with her. She said that was the first time she ever went down on a woman herself. Sophia said that she had women do her but she had never done it herself. She said that it was great when she did Jenna.
Howard found out that Sophia works at the Spearmint Rhino out in Las Vegas. She said that she likes to have fun and gets very aggressive with her lap dances. She charges $500 per hour to do that stuff.
Howard asked Sophia about her lips and if they were real. She said that she has her lips done every year and she's not even sure what they put in there.
Howard asked her about her breasts and what size she is. She said that she's a 36-DD now but she was a C before that. Howard said that Robin actually had her boobs reduced. Sophia said that Robin looked great too.
Artie asked if he could do a motorboat on her boobs. Sophia was fine with that so Artie went over to her and did it. He stuck his head between her breasts and did his thing. Artie said that her boob job was an excellent one. Artie told George he was going in and shook his head between her boobs as he was making noise.
Sophia said that she liked that. She said her breasts are very sensitive. Artie told her that he wants her on the cover of his next book. Artie said that she was great.
Howard read that Sophia had done a lot of drugs earlier in her life. She didn't talk much about that. Howard said that she has had guys like Tommy Lee. She also said that she danced for Artie back at the club in Las Vegas a few years ago. Artie didn't remember that but Sophia said that she had different colored hair and different boobs back then.
Howard asked Sophia about Tommy Lee's penis and if she was able to handle all of it. Sophia said that she thinks she was fine with it. She said that they saw each other quite a bit back then. Howard asked her if she ever saw Tommy getting oral from Pamela Anderson. She said she never did see that.
Howard asked Sophia about dating some other people as well. Sophia talked about how immature the guy was and how he wasn't the type that she wanted to marry. She also dated a guy who could stick his own penis in his ass. She said that she thought that was kind of strange and the guy would stick it in and he found it kind of comforting.
Sophia said that she thought it was odd and found him scooching on the floor like a dog one day. Howard asked if she broke up with him after that. She said that she stuck with him for a while after that. George said that he thought that it was kind of unisexual and not even homosexual.
Howard said that Sophia danced for Kid Rock on stage. He asked if she made love to him too. She said that they didn't click.
Howard said that Sophia's mother is a minister. She said that she was raised with Buddhists and monks when she was growing up. She said that her parents aren't around now so she doesn't have to worry about what they think of all of this stuff.
Howard gave Sophia a plug for her web site SophiaRossi.com. Sophia said she brought in a bunch of movies for the guys there. She said she'd even give some to Robin. Howar dsai that Robin actually learned to give blow jobs by watching porn.
Howard said he heard that Sophia wanted to ride the Sybian. He asked her if she really wanted to do that. She said that hse was afraid of coming in to do that but she would do it today. Howard todl her to be real on that thing. She siad she owns one so she knows it very well. She sdai that she actually did a show with the Sybian in Helsinki one time in front of 7,000 people.
Howard had Sophia get on the machine and take it for a ride. Robin said that she has an amazing body. Howard said that she really does. They had her take off her dress a short time later. Gary put on his Welder's mask to cover up his face. Howard said that they don't want to look at Gary during this ride. Sophia didn't argue with them at all so Gary was kind of bummed that she didn't say that he didn't need it.
Howard told Sophia they'd start her out slow and then bump up the power. Sophia said that she wanted Gary in front of her and wanted to grab his head. Artie asked if she wanted him to Bronsky her again. She did but Howard told Artie to stay there and not block the shot.
Sophia was enjoying the ride so Howard had Gary boost up the power a little bit. Gary had her at about 45 percent. Howard told him to bump it up to 60 percent. Sophia asked for more so Howard had him jack it to 100 percent. Sophia moaned for a minute as the machine worked it's magic. Sophia was cursing as the machine was at top speed and she eventually finished.
Howard said that her eyes were going right into the back of her head at one point. Everyone applauded the ride. Even George got excited by that. Howard asked Sophia what was going on because she was breathing heavy and had some problems getting it back. She said that she actually liked the mask on Gary because he was the controller. Howard asked if she would shoot a movie with him in that mask. She said she really wanted him to get in front of her so she could grab him. Gary said he can't do that.
Gary said that he raised the power slowly toward the end and didn't get it to 100 percent until right near the finish.
Artie said that may have been the best Sybian ride ever.
Howard took some calls from some people and Jeff the Drunk agreed that it may have been the best Sybian ride ever. George said that he believed her performance and he's seen some others that didn't appear to be real. Artie asked if she was as good as Jane Fonda. Howard asked if Sophia had even heard of Jane Fonda. She said she didn't but then she remembered her aerobics instruction tapes. She didn't seem to know that she was an actress. Howard had to wrap up and take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and tried singing along to the song but kept getting the lyrics wrong. Howard said he used to think there was a meaning to those lyrics but now he thinks they're all bullshit. Howard said that the songs are still good though. He said that he doesn't get why Robert Plant is singing country music now though. He said that he should still be rocking out like they used to. Howard said he hopes he doesn't age as poorly as Robert Plant has.
Artie wondered how old Robert Plant is. The guys said that he's probably younger than they think he is. Howard said he was told he was 61 years old this year. Howard said that his looks have to be from some kind of abuse. He said that the guy might need a face lift even though he doesn't usually suggest that.
Howard said that the Connecticut School of Broadcasting has closed it's doors unexpectedly. Howard read the article about that and said that everything is bad out there. Howard read that students showed up for their finals and the place was closed.
Artie said he went to that place in 1987 and he would listen to Howard on his way in. He said that he would get on the air and he would do something Howard Stern-esque and the professor would tell him that Howard was a flash in the pan and that wasn't the right thing to be doing. Artie said that they pulled him to the side at the end of the class and he was told they had a job opening out in Wyoming for $150 a week.
Howard said that he never thought that he was going to get a job and he thought that he wasn't any good. Howard said that he took that job at WRNW right out of college and he was only making $96 a week. Howard said he was so nervous that he turned down the job at first. Then he called them back and took the job. Howard said that he was being encouraged to do the job by his mother and wife. He said that he was already married at that point.
Howard said that the school probably told people to listen to guys like Ryan Seacrest instead of Howard Stern to get an idea of what to do on radio.
Howard talked about the job offers he got back when he was out in Detroit. Howard talked about some of the places that offered him the job and how he was going to go out to Chicago to take one job. That was the only time he ever went to Chicago.
Steve said that they had some statements form Jimmy Fallon about his new show. That led to them talking about Jimmy's show with Cameron Diaz on it and what happened there. JD said he saw it and she was wearing pants and was very covered up in the dance off they did.
Steve mentioned that this weekend in 1997 was the weekend that Howard's movie came out. Artie said that this is also the day that Jackie walked off the show in 2001.
Jon Hein was there with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through the stuff that he had coming up today. Ralph also called in and said that Cameron Diaz was looking good on the show with Jimmy Fallon. Ralph said that his show is really bad though. He said that segment was kind of good but he's really off to a dreadful start.
Ralph said that Craig Ferguson has a good show. Howard said that he has trouble watching that show. He said he likes Craig but he just can't get into the show.
Howard said that Ralph has been watching Beth on all of these shows she's been on. Ralph said that he can't watch her on Tyra Banks' show. He said that he's too annoyed by that chick. He said that she's got that big ''fivehead'' of hers and he just can't stand her.
Howard said he read a good review of Jimmy Fallon's show in the paper. Artie said that he saw the 3 star review of his show and he thinks that Jimmy is a funny guy so he'll do okay.
Mutt was on the line after that to give his Superfan Roundtable preview. Mutt said that they'll be talking about Artie being on the show this week and how positive it all was. They'll talk about that and also about George Takei never letting the fans down when he comes in. They'll also be talking about some of the other guests they've had on the show lately.
Robin started her news off with a story about Ivana Trump's last marriage being faked just so she could show a young man on her arm. Robin said that's what she was going for when she started to date that 25 year old guy.
Robin said that she didn't know that Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen had tied the knot. Howard said it happened while they were on vacation.
Robin read that Kirk Douglas is going to be doing a one man show at the ripe old age of 92. He's going to be doing a 90 minute show. George said that he's doing that show at the Kirk Douglas theater and he and Brad are both going to see him on Saturday night. Howard said that George might be the gayest man on the planet. He's constantly at the theater. Howard asked him for someone even gayer than him. George said that guy Carson... He didn't know his last name so they thought he might be talking about Carson Daly. George thought that's what his name was but it was Carson Krestly from ''Queer Eye.''
Howard said that he got some e-mail about Artie on Letterman. Some people thought it was like watching a corpse speak. They thought he was on Subutex that night but Artie said that he didn't even take it that day. He swore to god that he didn't.
Howard read one about Artie's good looks in that outfit he had on that night. Artie said that when he loses weight he looks even better. He said it's a shame he just can't lose weight. One guy pointed out that Paul Shaffer had played Dave Mathews song about eating and drinking too much and that was kind of a jab at him. Howard and the guys didn't think that's what Paul was doing though.
Howard read a few e-mails about George Takei's appearances on the show this week. while he was reading that stuff Artie's phone was ringing. Artie said that it was his black friend Horton. He answered that quickly and told him he'd call him back later.
Howard read some mail about Jimmy Fallon's interview. There were some very positive e-mails about that. There were also some e-mails about the Rush vs. KISS conversation the guys had on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Artie said that they may have spent too much time on that yesterday.
Howard read some feedback about Jim Florentine's interview as well. Howard said that he never did get to the bottom of why Robin and Jim broke up. Fred gave an answer, as Jim, and said that it was because she didn't have a penis.
Robin said that she knows why Jim broke up with her but he can't even say what that reason is. Robin said that Jim was having issues getting close to her. She said that they both had issues and that's why they had to break up. She said that when they got too serious, both of them put on the brakes.
Artie said that he thinks that Jim still had issues about his girlfriend. He said that they had done this comedy show for HBO one time and at the end of Jim's act he said ''That was for you Jade'' and he obviously still had feelings for her. Artie said that it may have been too much for Robin to deal with too.
Robin said that there is always a reason for leaving and it may not have to do with the other person. Howard said he doesn't agree with that at all. He said that it has to do with the other person. Robin said that when you go from one way to another way all of a sudden, then you wonder what it is that you did. Howard said he wants to know why someone is leaving.
Robin said that she and Jim didn't argue before they broke up but they did after they broke up. Robin said that they were attempting to be friends after that and it was very hard.
Howard asked Robin to get back to her news. Robin read a story about Robin Williams being in the hospital being observed for having shortness of breath.
Robin read a story about Mariska Hargatay who is also in the hospital with a collapsed lung. She read about Siegfreid and Roy getting back out on the show circuit.
Robin read some news about the woman who was attacked by the chimpanzee a few weeks ago. She said that doctors don't know if she will ever recover from her injuries. They're also saying that the woman who owned the chimp had changed her hair color and she was driving a different car that day so the chimp may have been confused by that.
Jeff the Drunk called in to tell them that the show was very good this week. He said that Artie was pretty good on Letterman too. Howard said that he gives this more credit than the newspaper reviews because Jeff watches more TV than anyone. Artie said that he's going to obsess about Jeff saying that he was just ''pretty good'' on Letterman. Jeff changed it to ''great'' after that.
Robin read a story about the 9 year old who had an abortion after she got pregnant after she was raped by her step-father. She said that the Catholic church was against the abortion. The girl was pregnant with twins and the church thought that she should have carried the twins the whole time and then had a Caesarian.
Robin read a story about a virtual reality helmet that will allow people to experience the sights, sounds and smells of places that they can't physically go to visit. Artie asked Howard if he would go off to Italy for a month if Beth asked him to go. Howard said he doesn't think that he would go. He said he'd like to see it but he doesn't want to be on a plane for that long. He said that he'd rather stay home. He's also afraid that something is going to happen to him if he goes over there.
Gary told Howard that the flight to Italy is only an hour longer than going to Los Angeles. Howard said he hasn't been back to L.A. since 9/11 and he won't go. He said he doesn't have any desire to go out there at all. He said that he will go flying with Beth when they go on vacation but he only does that for her. He said that his mother scared the crap out of him when he was growing up and he's still terrified about going anywhere.
Howard said it's hard for him to do anything, even having a pet is an issue because his mother used to tell him that animals don't belong in a house. He said he still hears that in his head all the time. Gary told Howard that he would love Italy because they have some great restaurants over there. Howard said he's waiting for this new helmet that Robin is talking about.
Robin read a story about how Rihanna and Chris Brown may have gotten married. Howard and the guys talked about how wacky that whole relationship is. Robin said that Rihanna apparently said that she couldn't live without Chris.
Robin read a story about a principal who was put on suspension for grade fixing with football players in a high school.
Robin read a story about NASA launching a new telescope to go out and find Earth like planets. The telescope costs over $500 million. Howard said that he doesn't want to disappoint anyone but this is it. He said that there probably aren't any other planets out there that can support life. He said that going to other planets would be like going to Mexico or Italy for him.
Robin read another space story about a couple of black holes that are supposed to be colliding. They're saying that it may take 100 years to complete that orbit. Every time she said ''black hole'' the guys were laughing and doing their Beavis and Butt-Head impressions. Fred was also playing some porn clips.
Robin read a story about a man who was shot in court after he attacked the judge. Robin had a story and audio clips of President Obama talking about the tough times that the country is going through.
Robin had a story about the knighting of Ted Kennedy. She had some audio of the Prime Minister of England announcing the knighting.
Robin read a story about Octomom's 911 call that was made last October. That is making people wonder how she'll be able to care for 14 kids after having problems with just the 6. Howard played some of the audio of that but cut it off short since they had played it earlier.
Robin said that Peter Tork of The Monkees has a rare cancer of the tongue. They think that they may be able to save him since the cancer hasn't spread.
Robin read a story about the Iraq war and how it's still very dangerous to live there. She read about a car bomb that went off there and killed a bunch of people.
Robin read about the winning ticket in the $212 million mega millions lottery and how it was actually owned by 10 different people. The 10 people will be splitting the money. She had audio of one guy talking about how they won. One of the guys had to borrow the 5 bucks to get in on the ticket.
Robin had some news about the NFL players who vanished in the ocean after their boat capsized. Robin said that there are still some private searches going on for the missing men. Robin ended her news and Howard thanked George for coming in this week. He said it was another great week with him. He told him to make sure he comes back soon. Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
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Gary said that he will usually make people wait in the lobby if Howard is going to be around. He said that Howard doesn't like to be slowed down by people, even people he likes. Gary said that he can see why Gange would want to say hello to people he hasn't seen lately but Howard just got done doing a 5 hour show so he wasn't looking to have conversations with people.
Gary said that he the right thing would have been for Gange to close the green room door and let Howard walk by. Gary said that he does let Howard know when people are around that he might want to talk to but he wouldn't leave the door open for them to come out and accost him.
Mike Gange was in the studio and said he did keep Penny in the green room but then Howard stopped in front of the door and that doesn't usually happen.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Gange calling Howard cuckoo for acting the way he did. After the clip Jon said that there were two things to talk about there. One was about Gange calling him cuckoo. Gange said that he does find Howard to be kind of cuckoo and it's just one step above telling people not to look him in the eye. Gary said that's not what it's about at all. Gary said that he doesn't get what it's like to be on the air for 5 hours and how taxing that can be on someone. Gange said that he does know it's a hard job. Gange said that sometimes Howard isn't like that and sometimes he does like to talk to people. Gary said that he should have the hallway clear at all times. He said that Howard shouldn't have to make a decision on that stuff when he gets done with the show.
Jason asked why Gange was arguing with them about this stuff. Gange said that he just thinks that it's odd that Howard acts the way he does. He said he's just giving his opinion and not arguing with them. Gange said that most people want to come out and say hello to people they know. He said that he thinks that most people would do that.
Jason said that Gange doesn't become the center of attention that Howard does when he gets stopped somewhere. Gange said that he was trying to keep Penny in the green room and Howard usually just makes a beeline for his office and that's not what he did yesterday.
Benjy said that the big mistake was Gange calling Howard cuckoo. Gange said that he is kind of odd and he has a lot of strange personality traits.
Gary said that Howard would like to have the choice of whether or not to say hi to someone. He said that he didn't have that chance with Penny yesterday. That's all Howard is looking for.
Gange continued to argue that this was someone that Howard knows that he was talking to. It's different if it's a stranger that bothers him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason was sucking Howard's cock here and Gange was right about what he was saying. He said that when Howard wants attention he goes out and does appearances. Gary said that Howard hasn't gone out and done any appearances in like 20 years. Gary said that Howard does promotion once in a while but he's not going out and making appearances to get attention for himself.
Benjy said that it should be Howard's decision though. He said that Howard wasn't so upset about it until Gange called him cuckoo.
Another caller said that Penny was up there to do something for Howard TV so she was up there to do something to help him. He said that saying hi to him shouldn't be that big of a deal. The caller said that Penny is helping them out and Howard shouldn't make such a big deal out of this.
Jason told the caller that Gange's job is there because of Howard and he should be making Howard as comfortable as he can. Gary said that this wasn't about Penny Crone or about talking to her, it was all about him coming out of the studio and having the halls full of people. Gary said that Howard has said that he'd like to talk to all of those people but he needs that time for himself. Gange said that he still finds that odd.
Cyrus called in and said that Gange doesn't know how Howard feels in that situation and he seems to be comparing himself to Howard. He said he should be able to see Howard's point of view. Gange said that they're mixing up his understanding of that and him still finding it kind of odd.
Ralph called in and said that he wants Gange to listen to why he thinks he's dumb for two reasons. Ralph said that it doesn't matter if it's odd behavior. He said that's not going to get him anywhere in the conversation. He said that Howard is exhausted after the show and he doesn't get why he'd put him in that position of turning people down. Ralph said that Howard walks right by him in the hall and Gange should know better than that.
Ralph said that Gange should have just said that he tried to keep Penny in the green room and left it at that. Gange said that he did that. He said that he's going to take all the blame for that today.
Jason said that Howard has told Ronnie to keep the hall clear there many times. He said that Ronnie should have been the one who closed that door, not Gange. Jason asked Gary if that is Ronnie's responsibility. Gary said that he talked to Ronnie about that but he's not putting all of the blame on him.
Ralph said that Ronnie has to be the one who keeps control of that and they have to put all of the blame on him next time. Will said that Ronnie was yelling at people in the hall today so he's making up for yesterday.
Jon said that Ronnie was on his way in even though he was about to wrap this up. Ronnie said that Jason is in everyone's business there and he's not the god damn office manager there. Ronnie said that Penny was in the green room where she belongs and Gange was in there talking to her. Ronnie was pissed at Jason for talking about him the way he was.
Gary said that Ronnie will come to him and tell him when some people are out there and won't get out of the hall and he'll go out and talk to them. Gary said that Penny is the kind of person who Howard would usually go up to and talk to if it was under any other circumstance. Will said it didn't help that she was asking Howard why she wasn't invited to his wedding.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard has to go through this stuff all the time and he should be able to avoid it at his workplace. Gange said that they'll have to lock down the hallway then. Gary said they already do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gange why he would call his boss ''cuckoo'' like that. He said that he'd never get away with that in the real world. Gary said that there is nothing about this show that's like the real world.
Jon asked Gange what's going on with his job there and what's troubling him. Gange said that he's been working 12-14 hour days for a couple of weeks now and he really needs a break. Gange said that they have a lot of stuff going on at Howard TV and he's trying to get all of this stuff done in a short time period.
Another caller told Gange that he's an idiot. He was also talking about this guy Harry Mud that they were talking about during Robin's news. The guy said that he died under controversial conditions and he may have had a bunch of crack vials around him when he died at the age of 53. Gange told him to go call the ''Who Gives a Shit'' channel with that.
Another caller said that he's tired of people busting Gary's balls all the time on the show. He said that they have to stop with that.
Another guy told Gange that he's an idiot for saying what he said. The guy said that Ronnie really needs to toughen things up there because a rent a cop might do better than him.
Jon asked Ronnie what he did today before Howard left the studio. Ronnie said that no one was allowed in the hall no matter who it was. Will said that Ronnie was even yelling at him when he crossed over to go into Sal and Richard's office. He yelled at him to get out of the hall because Howard was coming. Ronnie was even giving Jon a hard time about giving him shit about this stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who agreed that Howard shouldn't have to take any shit in the hall. Ralph also called in again and said that there are some celebrities with quirky things but Howard is low on the totem pole with that kind of stuff. He said that there are many other people who are worse than him.
Ralph said that Howard really doesn't ask for much when he goes out to do photo shoots and stuff like that. Jason said that they've heard horror stories about other celebrities who ask for ridiculous things when they do stuff like that.
Ralph said that Howard just wants to get the fuck out of there and get back to his office. He also told Ronnie that he should know better and he should know when to clear the hall. Ronnie said that the hall was clear yesterday and Penny was in the green room. Gary said that if it was someone else and not Penny then the door may have been closed. Ronnie said that Gange closes the door when the Miss Howard TV girls are there. Ronnie said that the door was open and that was the only mistake. Ralph said they should put up one of those invisible fence things like they do with dogs.
Gary asked Ralph if he was dressed yet. Ralph said that his robe was off but he was in sweat pants and a sweat shirt. Gary asked him if he's going to be ready to go out. Ralph said that he's going to go work out and then go out shopping in the Greater New York area.
Jon took a call from one more guy about this subject. The guy asked if they have any doubt that Gange is the guy that Howard said he would fire if he could when he brought that up a few months ago. Gange said that he doesn't believe that was him at all. They had to break after that.
Jon said that he didn't know that Kevin had that legendary Tonight Show appearance. Gary said that he never even thought of him as a stand-up guy before. He said that he'd like to go see it sometime.
Gary said that Kevin told them that he was a big fan of the show and even knows the Wrap Up Show and stuff like that. Kevin had never come on the show before and he said that he doesn't like conflict so that's why he had never come on before.
Jon said that a lot of people use SNL as a stepping stone to other shows. Kevin didn't really do that. Gary said that he didn't do that until the very end of his run on SNL.
The guys were talking about some strange semester that they don't speak of and they were talking about inside stuff that no one would know about so Jon cut them off.
A caller said that he loved George Takei on the show this week. Gary said that he really was great on the show this week and he's become so much a part of the show that they're just comfortable with him being there. Gary said that George really is a horny guy too. Gary said that the one image that he will never get out of his mind is when George stuffed his hand down that guy's pants like an animal. The caller also thought that Kevin Nealon was great on the show today.
Another caller said that today in the interview they were talking about ''Weeds'' and how Kevin's character was beating off while hanging himself. Gary said that he figured that Howard would like to hear about Mary Louise Parker's nudity instead. Jon and Gary said that she gets more and more naked as that show goes on.
Another caller said that Jason is full of shit about the Lexipro thing and said that he's on 30mg pills and Jason thought that the max was 20. Jason said that his doctor might be lying to him.
The caller said that he would like to know where he can find the web sites that they mention on the show and if they could link them. Jason said that's a great idea and he'll pass that along to the webmaster. Benjy thought that they did that already. Jason said that they do link the guests but he's not sure if they link every web site that's mentioned. (I do it here. Someone please tell that caller to visit my site instead. I also write up this Friggin' Wrap Up Show and they don't do that there either.)
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it sounded like Sophia had a cock in her mouth because she had some kind of speech impediment. Gary said he didn't hear that. Benjy did.
Another caller said that it was great that Artie finally stepped up and gave that chick a motorboat. Gary said that it was almost like Artie was making some kind of statement by doing that the day after he talked about not being back together with Dana yet.
One caller said that George talking about his first anal experience with Brad was a little bit too much for him. Gary said that even he's learning stuff about the gay lifestyle that he never knew. He said that he thought he knew a lot but he's learning a lot. Benjy asked what it is that he's learned. Gary said that he was learning about the gay bath house stuff and what goes on there.
Another caller asked if Scott the Engineer would be willing to take a tea bag from Sal to get his son's band booked on the show. Gary said that a tea bag would be a little on the light side. He said that the tea bag would be cheap to have him get the band booked. Benjy said that Scott probably wouldn't do anything like that to get them on the show.
Gary asked if Scott would do it if it was his kid who tea bagged him. The guys all cracked up when he suggested that.
Another caller said that the stuff with George this morning about him taking loads in his mouth was nasty. Jon said that George did talk about that stuff and he doesn't hesitate bringing that stuff up at all. The caller said that he's not interested in hearing about that stuff. He said that he's fine with the homosexuals doing whatever they do behind closed doors but he doesn't want to hear about it.
The next caller said that this chick Sophia was pretty funny today. He said that she was kind of interesting. Will said that he has 3 or 4 girls that want to come on the show daily and he always sends out this pre-interview sheet to them before they come in and he goes through their answers to figure out if he should call them back. Will said that the dumber the girls are the better the games can be too. He said that's what it's like with Britney Stevens.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that she has a crush on Artie like they do. Will said he doesn't think she cares that much either. Jon said that he thinks that she likes the attention.
Another caller said that he's a gay man and his partner saved him from death. He said that he's not able to get married and he doesn't understand why that is. He started to go on about how Mexican's can come to this country and get to stay here but he can't even get married. Jon had to cut him off around that time.
Gary said that he thinks that gay people will eventually have equal rights even though so many people are against it right now.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered if they're setting Eric the Midget up for an April Fool's Day joke. Gary said he didn't think that was it at all but he's not sure what that's all about. Gary said that he's not sure where they'd air something like that. Will said that it would be the greatest show ever if they did have Eric on.
Another caller asked Jon if he read the Watchmen comics. Jon said that he has read it but not back when they first came out. The caller had a few questions about that but Jon didn't know how that had anything to do with the Stern Show. He did says that he thinks the movie might be good and people should give it a shot. The guy asked how quickly he thinks it will tank. Jon said he didn't think it would. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.
Howard started off the show talking to Robin about how he wasn't able to go to bed the night before. Howard said he was watching CNN and saw that the leader of Russia, Gorbachev, was in jail. He joked that Tom Chiusano was also out of power there at K-Rock. He said that's what he wishes was true but wasn't. Howard said Tom would never leave. He doesn't have anywhere to go.
Howard said he had a party on Saturday night and Senator D'Amato showed up to the party. He said he thinks that it was his way of thanking him for sticking up for him. Howard said one of the ways he got the guy to his house was going to his fund raiser. Howard said he went there but didn't know what to wear when he went. Howard said he's very awkward in front of people and he really sticks out.
Howard said everyone was wearing a jacket and tie but he was wearing stuff that made him look like a pirate. Howard said he felt uncomfortable there but he was kind of happy that he was. He said he went over there with a friend.
Howard said that he didn't get to bed until about 3 in the morning after his party. Howard said that the people who wouldn't leave the party were Ralph, Patty and Robin. Howard said he just wasn't able to get them out the door. Howard said he saw Ralph and Robin wrestling out on the deck and Ralph was putting ice cubes down Robin's dress.
Howard said Jackie was calling him an a-hole the whole night. He said Jackie jumped in the pool with two beers in his hands at one point. Howard said people were saying that he's definitely a drunk when they saw that.
Howard said that Jackie had a big plate of condiments in his hand and he was eating ribs with grease running down his arm. He liked it so much that he didn't even hear what was going on.
Howard said that Jackie and his wife were arguing the whole night and Nancy ended up getting thrown in the pool. Howard said Jackie was really loaded when he got to the party and then he drank more there. He said he figured that Jackie was going to end up in the bottom of the pool after passing out.
Howard said that Fred was the weirdest guy at the party. Robin said that she had her own reasons for feeling the same way. Howard said that Fred has found the perfect girl for himself. He said that Fred hung around her the whole night and he used to do that to guys that he'd latch on to.
Howard wondered why Fred didn't get thrown into the pool. Robin said that it was because Fred warned people that if his shirt got wet he was going to kill them.
Howard said that Jackie ended up in a headlock at one point with Dominic and he as punching him in the head. Howard said that Dominic was still complaining about what an ass hole Jackie was the day after. Howard said that Jackie turns into a really angry drunk. Jackie didn't think that was true. Fred said he missed that whole thing.
Howard said that D'Amato was there with a Secret Service guy and that guy said that if Jackie put his hands on him he was going to have to break his legs. Robin said that Jackie was thinking about getting D'Amato into the pool but she said that she didn't want to know him if he was going to try that.
Gary said that Jackie tried to talk to the Secret Service guy but he wouldn't even make eye contact with Jackie.
Howard talked about Congressman Lent getting up to make a speech and then one of the Secret Service guys asked him to join him up at the podium. Howard said he gets really nervous in front of crowds so he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. He said that's why he's in radio and not a public speaker. He said he can do it no problem on a microphone but not in front of a crowd.
Howard said that D'Amato was making his speech and thanking people for showing up to the fund raiser. He then called up ''Howard Stern'' to say hello to them. Howard said he thought about doing a dick joke but then said that he just went up and figured that it would be best not to do that. He wasn't sure if he should just say hello or say something else.
Howard said that he told the crowd that he's really shy and that made everyone laugh. They didn't know that he was serious about that. Howard said that he only said a few words before leaving. He said that he figured they wanted him to say a lot more but he did get hand shakes from Senator D'Amato and the Congressman that was there. He said he kind of blew it but he had no idea that he was going to be speaking there. Howard said that he felt like a real dick after that.
Howard said that he didn't know if they wanted him to speak before he went to the fund raiser. Howard said he sucked and it was a real downer. He said he wished that they hadn't asked him to speak. He said he would have done it differently if he had known ahead of time that they wanted him to speak.
Howard said that D'Amato told him that he had a good time at his party. He stayed there for like an hour and a half. Howard said he told him that if he didn't have to go to a wedding he would have gotten into the pool.
Gary said that the party was great. He said that the food was good and they had a lot of fun. Gary said that Ralph was putting ice down Robin's back and she was going nuts while that was going on. Robin said the ice ended up going into her panty hose and then she had a wet spot on her. Howard said she was doing a really wild dance while that was going on.
Howard said his parents had a good time there and they stayed up until midnight. He said that's the first time he's ever seen them do that.
Howard said D'Amato is great because he remembers everyone's name. Howard said he should have talked about that kind of stuff when he was making his speech. Howard said he had a lot of stuff he could have talked about when he was up there in front of everyone. Howard told Gary to make a tape of this speech and send it to D'Amato for next year's fund raiser.
Howard said he felt like a big ugly girl at that party and he felt so out of place. He said he just choked under pressure. He said he gets real nervous doing that stuff. He said he was barely able to speak in front of people in college. He said that he can get it together if he knows that he has to do it though.
Howard said that Karen from the TV show looked really good. Howard said he had never seen her in a bathing suit before.
Howard said that he had to take Neil's motorcycle keys so he wouldn't drive home drunk on that thing. He had Ronnie drive it home for him instead.
Howard said he could have done a really good speech for D'Amato if he had known what they wanted him to do. He went into a whole long speech about the guy the way he could have done it.
Howard said that he met some guy from the Jets there at the fund raiser. He said that was Pat Kelly. He wasn't sure what he does though. Howard said that he got a boner in front of D'Amato's mother when he saw Pat Kelly's fiancee. Gary didn't know who the guy was either. Howard said he knows nothing about that stuff.
Howard said that Fred was making out with his fiancee. He said he didn't get a good look at her until the party. Howard said that he wouldn't mind doing her but she's wasting all of that on Fred.
Howard said that Fred's girlfriend is sexy and all but she's no super model. Howard said that Fred was hanging on to her like she was one. He said that he was hanging off of her the whole time they were there. He said they were acting like they just met. Gary said that Fred is that kind of guy.
Howard said he told Fred to come with him for a second and Fred looked at her like he was ripping them apart. Howard said it was like the end of Casablanca. Howard said he predicts that they'll be divorced in 5 years. Fred said that they've been together for 4 years already.
Howard said he had to call Fred about coming to the party. Alison answered the phone so he had to talk to her instead. Howard said that Fred was probably under her dress sniffing around. Howard said that Fred should be wrapped around him like that for what he's been able to do for him. Howard said that Jackie and Nancy were out there with them at the time.
Howard said that he never gets invited out there to hang out with Fred and Alison or Jackie and Nancy. Howard said he didn't even know they got together like that. Gary said that Fred invited him out there too but he wasn't able to make it. Howard told Gary that his girlfriend was cute too. Gary thanked him for that.
Howard said that he ended up getting thrown into the pool at one point. Howard said that Jackie's wife looked good in her bathing suit. He said that she's got a really tight body.
Howard said that Neil was coming on a little strong at the party. He was kind of attacking Karen and he didn't even know her. They spent a minute on that and then had to go to break.
Howard said that Robin was getting dunked and almost drowned in the pool at his party. Gary said that Neil was really out of control with the water gun he had.
Howard said that his daughter was freaking out over Jackie hurting Robin. He said that his daughter thought Jackie was cool but then he was hurting Robin. Howard said that Jackie was mauling Robin there and that was something that his daughter had never seen.
Howard said he heard that Jackie was peeing in the pool but Jackie swore he didn't. Howard said that would be really disgusting. He said he understands doing it in the ocean but not in the pool.
Howard asked what happened with Scott the Engineer. Gary said that Scott's wife had to leave early. Scott ended up staying at the party. Gary said that they had the kid at home and she didn't want to stay too late so she headed home. Howard said that someone drove Scott home. Gary said that was Towncar Jack who drove Scott home.
Howard said that Ralph's girlfriend Patty looked really good at the party. He said that she had short shorts on and her ass was hanging out. Gary said she got thrown into the pool too and she wasn't wearing a bra so she had to cover up with her hands.
Scott came in so Howard asked him what happened with his wife. Scott said they had the in-laws watching their kid so his wife went home. Howard said he thought that Wayne Segal's wife was nice looking too. Robin said that there were people yelling out to ''Rip off Barbara's top!'' over and over again.
Howard said it was weird that he had a senator there at the party and these guys were picking up people in chairs and throwing people into the pool.
Howard said that his pool smelled of beer when he went out to it the next day. He said that everyone had drinks out there. Gary said that Neil was shooting that water pistol and he was shooting it in the direction of Senator D'Amato. Howard said he had to tell them to calm down with that stuff.
Howard said it was a really weird scene at his house that day. Howard said Jackie was in the pool with those two beers and he was keeping them above his head so they wouldn't get wet. Howard said that Fred was busy with that girlfriend of his the whole time.
Scott said that Fred did leave his girlfriend for about 5 minutes. Fred went to check out Leslie West's new equipment. Howard said that Leslie was looking for excuses not to play so he was asking if his electrical outlets were grounded. Howard said of course they're grounded and he knew that Leslie was just looking for a way out of performing.
Howard said Fred really loves his girlfriend. Howard asked him what kind of shoes he was wearing there. Fred said they were just some old black shoes. He said they were nothing special. Fred said that he bought them a while ago. Howard said that Robin was wearing the skimpiest of dresses at the party.
Gary said that Stuttering John was drinking a beer and ended up laughing so hard he spit out his beer on a bunch of people. Fred said he just stood there watching as one of the women was dripping in his spit out beer.
Gary said that Jackie showed up in a bathing suit and everyone knew that he was going to be the first one into the pool.
Howard said that Dominic hates Jackie now because of what he was doing at the party. Jackie said that he and John were sneaking around looking for people to throw into the pool. Howard said that Dominic didn't want to be wet in the pool because he's a big guy and he'd be embarrassed. Jackie said that he did think about it after this went on and he know they were wrong.
Jackie said that he and John were going to shuffle Dominic into the pool but when they got there, John ended up giving up on trying to make it happen and Dominic wasn't going into the pool. Jackie said he looked over and saw John 10 feet away after giving up. Jackie said he was still trying to get Dominic in the pool but he was like a brick wall and wouldn't move. Jackie gave up and said that he told Dominic he didn't have to get so mad at him for what he did. He was still mad at him 10 minutes later. Jackie said he really likes him so he'll apologize to him again.
Howard read the story about Billy Preston and said that he was due to come in tomorrow. Gary said that he hasn't officially canceled yet.
Gary said that they had Pat Cooper on the phone. Howard said that Pat is on some kind of rant about something. Gary said that he's not happy about the way Howard has handled some stuff on the show. Howard wondered what exactly that was.
Howard picked up on Pat and asked him what Pat had to plug. Pat said he wasn't plugging anything. Howard said he felt terrible after he found out that he was out on Long Island over the weekend. Howard said he would have had him over to his party if he had known that he was there.
Howard said that Pat called Gary over the weekend and ranted and raved about something. Pat said that he wasn't ranting and raving. Pat was going to get into it but when he heard Howard laughing, he thought he was thinking this was all a joke. Howard said that he wasn't laughing because of that.
Pat started to rant a little bit but Howard was trying to explain what it was he was talking about. Pat kept telling Howard to hold on and kept cutting him off.
Howard said that he's been getting calls about this subject and he wonders what Pat's point is. Pat said that he's not sure why he has these people, like Sam Kinison, on the show. Howard said that Sam sells a lot of tickets and he comes on the show to promote his stuff.
Pat seemed a little upset with Howard for trying to be funny during this discussion. Howard said that he's always joking about stuff so he can't get mad at him for that. Pat said that you can't condone someone who does this nonsense all the time.
Howard said that Pat was upset about Sam Kinison getting booked on the Joan Rivers show and then not showing up for it. Howard said that he's not sure what's up with Pat today. Pat said that there was this guy George Kirby who ended up going to jail for selling coke. He said that as soon as he got out he got a bunch of jobs doing comedy and TV shows and that's a bunch of bull. Pat said that there are people out there doing good things and they don't get that kind of work.
Howard asked Pat how he can sit there and say that George Kirby doesn't deserve what he got. Pat said he just doesn't. Pat said that there are talented people out there who deserve a shot before people like George Kirby does.
Robin said that if someone can get interviews as they're making a come back then it shouldn't be an issue. Pat said that it's not a come back, he did something bad and he shouldn't be getting stuff like that after doing what he did.
Howard asked Pat who is a bigger fan of his than him. Pat said that Howard was trying to twist things around and he was out of line. Pat said there is a thing in their business called character and he wondered what happened to that.
Pat said that he has a right to have an opinion and he didn't even want to talk about this stuff on the air. He said he wanted to talk to him about this stuff off the air. Pat said that there are nice people out there who deserve a shot on TV before people like this Sam Kinison. Howard said that you can't take that away from Sam though. Pat said that's just his opinion and he deserves that.
Howard asked Pat if he is saying that he wants to be on the Joan Rivers show. Pat said no to that. He said that's not what he's looking for at all.
Howard said that Pat is on fire today. Pat asked why he has to go on radio and talk bad about people like David Letterman, who he didn't even know, to get on his show. Pat, Howard and Robin were all arguing back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard asked Pat if he was alright because it seemed that he was angry at him. Pat said that he was fine and he wasn't angry at him. Pat said that he doesn't care about Sam and Joan working together. He said that they actually deserve each other.
Howard was trying to explain to Pat how show business works. Pat thought that they should be giving people shots who weren't so hot in the business but Howard said that they have to have people on the show who are hot because that's what people want to hear. He said that he has interesting people on the show and that's the way things work.
Pat told Howard that Joan Rivers is full of crap. He said that everyone becomes friends when they need to use them to get on shows. He ended up apologizing to Howard for wasting his time with this nonsense. He said that at least he says this stuff on the air. He said that there are so many people that don't talk about this stuff.
Robin asked Pat if he had a stand-up act before he went on his first interview. Pat stopped her and refused to answer her questions. Pat said that Joan is a hypocrite. He said that she's like Hitler. Howard said that he's comparing Joan to Hitler. Pat said that they're very similar. He and Howard were going back and forth on that and Pat was yelling the whole time.
Howard said he can see that he's upset about Joan Rivers. Pat was still yelling so Howard tried to explain to him why he does what he does with Sam and Joan. Howard said that he put them on the air to talk about the problems they had. He said that Pat was listening to every minute of it so it must have been good radio.
Howard told Pat that he was getting worked up over nothing. He said that he was confusing a lot of issues. Howard said that it's great for him and his show to have Joan and Sam talking about that stuff on the show. He said he likes to hear that kind of stuff. That's the same reason he has Pat on the show.
Pat thought that Howard was putting him down and started to go off on him about that. Howard said he likes Pat's point but then he said that Pat was making him out to be some kind of sucker who puts people on the show who he doesn't think should be on.
Howard said that Pat was making him look bad there. He told Pat that the bottom line is that Sam Kinison would come on the show when he was at the height of his career and he didn't have to do that. Howard said he asked Sam to do some stuff for him that he didn't have to do and he was always there for him. Howard said he has friends of his who won't do his TV show because they don't know if the show is hot enough. He said that there are people who don't want to be part of his Crucified by the FCC tapes but Sam was there for him for all of that stuff.
Pat said that he thinks that Howard should have told Pat that he was out of order with Joan. Howard said he was never out of order with him. He said he's not Sam's father so he can't tell him what to do about the Joan Rivers show. Pat thinks that he should have.
Howard said he understands what Pat is saying but he can't get involved with the relationship between Sam and Joan. Howard told Pat to get dressed and come down there. Pat said he couldn't make it, it wasn't a good day.
Howard let Pat go a short time later. Robin said that Pat wasn't even that angry at his own family. Howard said they should play ''All in the Pat Cooper Family.''
Gary said that Pat was upset with what Howard did but Howard said that Pat is out of line with that. Howard said that he wanted to clear it up and let people know what's really going on. He said that he always keeps his appointments himself but he's not in control of what Sam does. He said that Sam knows how to handle himself and no one is going to change him. Howard said that the Joan and Sam thing is their business, not his.
Howard said that Pat was worked up about the Pee Wee situation too. He said that Pat didn't like that he was getting the shaft and tried defending him but now he's complaining about what Sam and Joan were up to. Howard said that he doesn't think that Pat is even clear on what he's saying. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he thought the Pat Cooper call was kind of cool with him erupting like he did. Howard said that he's not sure why Pat so angry with Robin when she was asking him questions. He said that he didn't get why he was upset about any of that stuff they were talking about.
Howard said that Pat was also talking about getting on Letterman's show. Howard said that the reason they booked him over there is because Letterman heard him on this show and booked him. Howard said that the guy is interesting and that's what gets you on TV. Howard said that Pat doesn't seem to get that.
Howard said that Pat really was fired up. He said that he guesses that Pat is jealous of other people who get on shows. He said that it's not that easy to get booked on shows and maybe Pat is upset that these other guys are having so much success.
In another fax a gay guy was talking about how gross the guys looked on the Super Bowl party show. Howard said that they never claimed to be good looking. He said that good looking guys don't need to have a Super Bowl party with hot chicks rubbing them down. He said that the good looking guys can get that anytime.
Howard said there were times when he would go a year without getting laid. Howard said it was horrible when he'd go out with his friends and they'd get girls and he wouldn't. He said he'd just sit there like an idiot while his buddy was making out with a chick.
Howard said that he did get his share of women but it was very hard work for him. Howard said there were times when women would end up crying and calling their boyfriends in Albany to tell them what happened.
Howard said that he caught some of the guys watching themselves on TV on Saturday night. He said that Ronnie was all proud of himself about the way he looked in that show. Howard said Ronnie had that wolf back of his on that show.
Howard brought up the story about Gorbachev being arrested. He and Robin went over that news story for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he ordered ''Crucified by the FCC'' about 11 weeks ago and didn't get it yet. Howard put the guy on hold so they could figure that out.
Another caller said that Jackie was right about Pat Cooper and the Pee Wee thing. Howard thanked him for the call and said that he really didn't want to get into it with that guy.
Howard ended up talking about his TV show and how nice it is not to be doing more shows. He said that they're waiting for WWOR to let them know if they're picking up the show for another season. Howard said he's been lobbying for them to drop the show already because he's kind of sick of doing them. Howard said that they have nothing else going on over there right now. He said that they're hoping they don't do it for a long time even though it has been fun doing it. Howard said that they'd have to start taping soon and he's not looking forward to that.
The caller on the line was telling Howard how hard it was to watch his TV show with his mother in the room. He talked about the time that they did the Pee Wee spoof on the show and his mother didn't know who Pee Wee was. Howard found that hard to believe that she had no idea who he was at all. The guy said that she did hear about him jerking off in the theater.
Howard took another call from a guy who was acting kind of odd. Howard ended up hanging up on that guy. He said he has no patience for that. He said the guy had the radio going in the background and he just couldn't take it. Howard said he'd like to make their number unlisted so they can weed out the idiots.
Howard said that he didn't want to read the whole NY Times article about them being on out in Los Angeles. He said it was kind of boring. He said that they're going to do just fine out there though.
Robin read some news about Billy Preston's arrest. That led to Howard talking about how they had him booked for the show the day after. He swore that he was booked on the show the next day. Howard said they might have to bail him out so he can come on the show. Gary came in and said that they have Billy on the calendar so he really was booked for the show. They had to take a break after that.
Howard said he didn't care about Billy Preston anymore. He told the cop that he agrees with the way the cops beat Rodney King and he supports them in that.
Howard asked the cop about Billy Preston, who was arrested and in the Malibu jail. The cop said that he was bailed out the night before. Howard said that the reason they were calling was to find out if he was going to be able to make it to the show. The cop said there's a chance that he will be on.
Howard asked what the charges were and tried to figure all of that out. The cop told him about the sexual battery charges and explained what they had found on him. They found some cocaine on him and charged him with sexual battery. They also confiscated some pictures from him that they will be using for evidence.
Howard said he'd like to take a look at those pictures himself. The cop said that Billy had allegedly thrown a young man to the ground too.
Howard said that they should have some interview with Billy tomorrow. He said they have to wait for the trial to come up to find out what happens with all of that. Howard asked if the kid was okay. The cop was saying that the 16 year old was fine. The cop said that he had picked the child up where they pick up day laborers so the kid probably thought he was going to be working for him.
Howard thanked the cop for coming on the air and let him go. The cop thought his name was ''David'' so Howard had to correct him on that.
Robin had some news about the cops faxing some paper work in the Pee Wee Herman case that says he blurted out that he was Pee Wee when they caught him masturbating in the theater.
Robin read some a story about a guy from China who was killed while doing street art and was attacked by some kids.
Robin read a story about a guy who got the wrong heart transplant. That led to Howard talking about how he just wants to be buried intact when he dies. He said he doesn't want people taking parts out of him.
Howard talked about the Billy Preston story a little more. He said it was weird that he'd be picking up a young boy at a day labor location. Robin said she hopes that it's just a misunderstanding. Fred played some Billy Preston music while they were talking about that. They spent a few minutes playing that and talking about the charges against Billy. Howard said he had to hear ''Nothin From Nothin'' so he played some of that as well. Fred played some sound effects during that song. He played a snake sound with the boing sound to make it sound like he was taking his penis out.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what they had to say about what's going on in Russia. Howard told her that he had already talked about that. The woman told Howard to call the embassy and encourage them a little more. Howard said that he also heard that this country is going to be sending them more money even though we have a ridiculously huge deficit. Howard said that he's actually happy about other country's misfortunes.
Another caller said that Howard got cheered on the Arsenio Hall show when Sam Kinison brought it up. Howard was having some trouble understanding what the guy was saying. The guy told Howard about what happened on that show. Howard said that he will never be invited on that show again after he got kicked out of his studio. Howard said they invited him on because he's outrageous and then when he's outrageous they kick him off the show. Robin said that they should have him on this show instead.
Howard said that he always ends up getting into fights with everyone he meets. He said that everyone ends up hating them after some time.
Howard read some news about Michael Landon's death and the fight that's going on with the family. They had to take a break after that.
Howard said that they're always dressed up in weird outfits. He said they're always grabbing each other and holding each other in the pictures. He said they could have just wrapped their arms around each other instead of their legs.
Howard said that a lot of people were turned off to Jackie at his party. He said that it was like a 60/40 split. Howard said that Jackie kind of proved that he's an alcoholic at the party. Jackie said that Howard wanted him to drink so he does and then he gets crap for it.
Fred and Jackie came to the party together so they talked about drinking in the limo on the way there and how they were dancing in the car the whole time. Howard said that everyone seemed to have a good time out there. He said other than Jackie and Dominic getting into a fight, it all went pretty well.
Howard said that Jackie was circulating the party and going to third base with just about everyone he spoke to. Howard said that Fred never left his girlfriend's side.
Howard said that he asked Nancy to pull his sneaker off at one point and she had some trouble doing it. He said that she stuck her foot in his crotch to get some leverage. He said he kind of liked that.
Howard said that his daughter told Kevin McMahon that he was a geek with the short hair so he had to tell her she can't do that. Howard said that Kevin was humiliated by an 8 year old.
Howard said that his friend Wayne has figured out a way to make sure his wife doesn't get his money if he dies. He said that she's happy when she comes home and sees that he's lived another day. Howard said that she's going to keep him alive as long as she can.
Robin told Howard that she really liked his house and how nice it was. Howard said that it's nice but it shows a lack of saving money. He said he should probably be squirreling it away like Jackie does with all of his money. Howard asked Jackie if he has a life insurance policy for Nancy. Jackie said of course he does.
Howard got back to the Michael Landon story and read more about that. The story had details about how much the family is supposed to get from his estate. Howard said that he thinks that they should split it all up evenly. Howard said that was some family man there. He said that they have a big battle going on for that guy's money.
Howard said that it's like winning a lottery and having to split it with co-workers. Howard said that his grandfather left him some money but it was like $15.
Robin read some news about Patrick Swayze winning a People Magazine poll for being the sexiest man alive. Robin said she's not really a fan of his and found Fred to be about equal.
Robin read a story about a Cub Scout troop that was kept out of a camp when the people at the camp said that they didn't allow any black kids in there.
Robin read some news about William Kennedy Smith's rape case. Howard ended up talking about these frivolous court cases and how Dan Quayle was talking about making people who bring up the cases pay for the fees if they end up losing the case. He said that the lawyers were all going nuts when they hear him saying that.
Robin read more about the William Kennedy Smith case and how much that was costing them. Howard said that the whole legal system is wacky.
Robin read through a couple more stories and wrapped up after that. Howard ended up talking to DJ Jimmy Fink for a few minutes as he was ending the show. Howard talked to Jimmy about the house he has out on Long Island. They ended the show a short time later.