|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about all of the hijinx going on with the World Series. Howard said Will is so depressed with the Phillies that he almost beat someone up. Robin said she heard he gets into a lot of fights. Artie was giving him a teasing and said that he gave him a look that looked like he wanted to put a hatchet in his head.
Will came in so Howard asked what was going on with that. Will said that he's a Philadelphia fan and it's hard living in New York like that. He said it's just tough for him. Howard told him to grow up. Will laughed and said he loves the show and that's the only reason he lives in New York. He said he really doesn't like it other than that. Will said that he has to listen to obnoxious Yankee fans all day now.
Howard said that everyone on the team would play for the Yankees if they could get a job there. He said the guys on the team don't even care about the team that much. Will said it's just tough to deal with. Howard told him to grow up again.
Howard asked Will if he got kicked out of an Eagles game this year. Will said he did get kicked out one time for yelling at some fans when he was inebriated. Howard asked if he likes to get into fights. Will said he doesn't but that's what happens when he drinks.
Robin said he should expect this from Yankee fans. He should know what they're going to do. Howard asked if he was kicked out of Shea stadium too. Will said he's been kicked out of a lot of stadiums. Will said he likes to yell at the players and at the fans.
Will said he was yelling at A-Rod and Jeter when he went to Yankee stadium. He also got thrown out of a couple of other stadiums a few times. Howard asked if he has been to a psychiatrist. Will said he hasn't and he never will. He said he was lucky enough to survive cancer and maybe he felt vulnerable after that. Will said that's the way life goes and he doesn't feel that way. Howard said that no one at 31 years old goes to a ball game and yells at the players. Will said his friends do.
Howard said he might have to talk to Will off the air about all of this. Will said he doesn't have a problem. Howard said it's over the top behavior. Howard said he's never been kicked out of a stadium in his life.
Howard heard that Will jumped on a woman's back because she was wearing an opposing team's shirt. Will said he did that when he saw her wearing a Vikings shirt at a Philly game. Howard asked what happened. Will said she got scared but that was it. He didn't get kicked out that time. Will said he had no excuse for that.
Howard kept asking what his problem was. Will said he doesn't know. Howard said he needs help. He needs emotional help. Will said he's fine. Howard said he's not fine. Will said he has a lot of crap going on right now. He didn't want to talk about it on the air though. Howard asked him what it is. Will said he's in the middle of trying to have kids and it's stressful. He said one of the side effects of chemotherapy is that you can't have kids. He said it's tough.
Howard asked Will what he has to do. Will said they could cut open his falls to find sperm. Howard told him that has to be out of the question. Will said he can shoot something but there is no sperm at all. He said there are a few options like adoption, sperm donor and cutting his balls open to get sperm. Howard asked if he wants him to donate. Will wasn't against it. Howard said he should jerk him off into a Yankees cup. Will said he wouldn't accept that.
Howard said that the Phillies are probably just a bunch of jerk offs anyway. He said they should make Will hang out with them for a month to see how horrible they are. Will said he loves them and he'd love to do that.
Howard said that if Artie came in and started goofing on him if his favorite American Idol contestant didn't win, he would laugh it off. He said he cares about his kids, his wife and his parents. He said that Will has to be angry about something other than this baseball thing. Howard said he can't imagine jumping on the back of a woman with an opposing team jersey on.
Gary said that when you yell at a player it's tough to get them to respond. He said he heard that A-Rod turned to Will and gave him the finger because he was so annoying. Will said that's true. Gary said Will got thrown out of a stadium where they had really good seats one time. Will said that was due to his friend yelling too.
Howard said Will is handsome and he's pleasant to look at. That's one thing he has going and he might be the handsomest guy there next to Jared. Robin said that the girls always like him when they come in and one of the porn stars was trying to rape him last week.
Howard told Will he needs help. He's going through a lot of stress and he needs to talk to someone. Howard said he'd book him for an hour if he wanted to talk to him. Will said that's not necessary. Artie asked if Howard is going to talk to his shrink about another one of them. Howard said he's not even allowed to talk about Artie in his therapy now. Howard said he might have to bring Will into it.
Howard said he read that Artie is done with heroin and booze. Artie said that he hasn't done coke since 1997 but something happened recently. He didn't fill us in on what that was though.
Howard said Artie needs therapy. Will needs therapy too. Artie said that he and Will can hang out even though they're so far apart in age. He said they have the sports thing in common. Artie said that if you admit you have this pain then you're not a man and that's part of the problem.
Howard said Will should tell his wife to get a hobby instead of trying to have a kid. Robin said he can't tell her something like that. Howard said he'll do it. He said he'll tell her to collect stamps. Howard said she might have baby fever but she has to calm down. Will said that everyone is having kids now so that's what's got that going. Howard told him to tell her to calm down with that.
Howard told Will to get out of there. Robin said he can't be worse off than Artie is. Howard said Artie is feeling his pain and dealing with it now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's enough with the psycho babble already. Howard said it's not psycho babble and he has a guy there who jumped on a woman for wearing a jersey he didn't like. The caller said that he can't tell people to go to therapy just because he goes. Howard asked what his advice is for Will then. The caller said he doesn't have to go to therapy. He said Will should just live his own life. Howard said that this guy is fucked. The caller was about to say the same to him but Howard hung up on him.
Howard said that guy was a dick and he hates people like that. Howard said he's trying to reach out to Will and this guy is giving him a hard time. Howard wondered what he's supposed to tell Will. He said the guy was about to cry during that discussion. Robin said she saw that.
Howard said he can't imagine having a doctor talking about cutting open his balls. He asked Robin if she would give him a hand job if they said that would get him the sperm he needs. Robin said she couldn't do that because he's like a brother to her. Howard said he thinks she could do it if she was the key to him having sperm. Robin said he wouldn't be able to do it. Robin said she wouldn't care to do that and it wouldn't work. Howard said she might have to use her hand, show her boobs and maybe use a little bit of mouth on that thing.
Howard said they did some calculations and found that if you put the $104,000 for college in a savings account with a 5 percent interest rate you could make a ton of money over 50 years. Robin said most people don't have that kind of money to put into the bank though. Howard said that the students end up paying off those loans and aren't able to save up that kind of money to put into a savings account.
Howard said he found out that the tuition for Boston University is $54,000 a year. Gary said they're saying that now they're saying that the average will be about $250,000 to send his kids to college. He's saving up for that now. Gary said that Jackson wants no part of going to the college he wants him to go to. He wants him to University of Connecticut. Gary said that it's only $7,600 tuition. Howard said he should give the kid some extra money when he graduates from there. He said he could give him $25,000 or something when he gets out. That would be a ''signing bonus'' of sorts.
Howard said he would tell his kids where to go if he were in Gary's position. Howard didn't tell his kids where to go though. Howard asked Will if this is what he wants to deal with in his future.
Gary said that one reason Howard is different is because everyone is going to talk about anything he does. Howard said he once had the guys come in to work for him and they saw that he had some denture cleaning stuff. He said they thought he had dentures but he just has this thing he sleeps with to keep him from grinding his teeth. Howard said he doesn't need them seeing that stuff or the baby wipes he has in his bathroom.
Howard said he just moved out of the apartment that he was living in. He said he thought he left something in there and had to ask his assistant Laura to check into that. He said she knows about the baby wipes and just got him some more. Howard said he doesn't have a place for the baby wipes in his new bathroom so he'll have to shimmy across the room to get them.
Howard said the toilet he has doesn't have a tank so he can't just put them on the back. Howard said he needs something to store them in.
Howard said that this remodeling has been going on for like a year and a half now. He said they tell him that they should be done in a week and a half or so. Howard said he wants them done. He said he wasn't able to sleep last night because of it. Howard said the dog has something going on with her eye and now Beth is bummed out too.
Howard said last night he was hungry for lunch at 11 because of this stupid time change. He also said this World Series is ridiculous too. He said he was up late but he wasn't able to keep his eyes open on Saturday night. Howard said he's not sure how anyone can stay up to watch. He said last night they started the game at 8 and he was only able to stay up until 10 or so.
Gary said that if you're a kid then you have to stay up until midnight and it's just too late. Howard said he was talking to Jon Hein about it and they all have to go to sleep early to get there to work in the morning. He said it's crazy.
Artie said that the fans at the game are great because they're all New York and Philly fans. He said that they were lining up to take pictures with him. He said there was one guy who saw that he was on the big screen there and he was sitting behind him. The guy was afraid that he was going to be on TV with him. Artie said the guy had something going on and he was afraid that he fucked him up by getting on camera.
Artie said a hot chocolate at the game costs $10 now. He said that they don't let you bring anything with you anymore. He said they check everything you bring in with you. Artie said that when you pay the $10 for a hot chocolate then you get even more angry at A-Rod when he doesn't hit.
Artie said he's gotten kicked out of games at Yankee stadium before. Gary was with Artie one time when Artie was heckling the coach at 3rd base. Gary said that he would pick on him about everything. He said this one guy had no ass so Artie picked up on that and went off on the guy. Artie had like six shots of Jack before the game that time. He said he had 12 doubles at the game so it was like 29 shots of Jack by that time. Artie said he did get drunk at the game so that's why he was heckling so much.
Artie said that he was singing the coach's name to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He said the guy's name was Ludoff so it fit into the song. He was singing about his dumpy ass and they asked him to stop because there were kids there. Artie said that times have changed since he was a kid. Back then there were guys rolling joints and asking him to hold their beer while they did it.
Artie said that he and a buddy were at a game one time where this kid was wearing a Blue Jays shirt. He said he was there with his 16 year old sister and his buddy said to the kid that he had fucked his sister the night before. Then the father heard it and asked what he said. His friend said that he fucked his daughter and that got them kicked out of the game.
Artie said he had a beer bottle thrown at him once. He also saw his father pull a guy through his car window once too. Artie said this was in 1978 or so. He said that this guy threw a bottle at him and his father chased him and cut them off and broke the glass of the window to pull him out.
Gary said that A-Rod is supposed to be the classiest guy but on Saturday night he blew a snot rocket right on camera. Howard said he saw that. Gary said he had no idea he was on camera when he did that.
Gary said Paul Simon came out and did his solo stuff. Then they brought out some other guys who did some stuff that was great. He said that they brought out Art Garfunkle and they were phenomenal. Gary said it makes you wonder why they don't perform together more. Howard said Simon hates Garfunkle, that's why.
Gary said some guys came out and did some more songs and then Springsteen came out and he wouldn't leave. Gary said the show was supposed to be over at 11:47 and they were still going at 1:30 in the morning. Gary said they brought out Sam and Dave and they sounded phenomenal too. He said Bruce was on for like an hour and 45.
Gary said that Billy Joel came out and did stuff with Bruce and it was amazing. He said he didn't get home until 3:45 in the morning and the concert wasn't even over when he left. He said no one stayed on long enough to annoy you so it was great.
Howard said he heard that Gary was upset about going to dinner with Ross. Gary said Ross knew this place that was supposed to be good but a little pricey. Gary said they went and sat at the sushi bar. He said the waitress came over and they went through the list of stuff they wanted and didn't want. Then the chef came out and gave them what he thought they would like. Gary said they ordered some Sake and some appetizers. Gary said he figured it was going to be about $200 for the two of them. He said when the bill came it was $485. Howard said that's a bit much. Gary said the Sake was $29 and they shared that. He said that they may have spent a total of $50 on that. He said the steamed dumplings were also in there. It was $185 each just to sit at the Sushi bar. Gary said they had to leave a tip too. They left a tip of $40.
Gary said that he could go to another place on the same block that was 10 percent of what they paid there. He said it's 80 percent as good too.
Gary said that's the most he's ever paid for a meal before. He said he was pissed but so was Ross. He said Ross had eaten there before and he didn't pay that much. It was just recently that he ate there.
Howard read some of the menu from this place that Gary went to. The place was called ''Sushi of Geri.'' Howard said that was really expensive. Artie said that they could have fed 4 people at Nobu for that much money.
Gary said that the concert was great. He said that the Friday night show was supposed to be good too. He didn't go to that one though.
Gary was going through some of the songs that were played by some of the bands he saw. Howard said the humming that he was doing sounded like crap. He had no idea what it was he was trying to do.
Howard went into his WRNW DJ voice and introduced a Jeff Beck song. He started to sweet talk Robin during that but gave up on it pretty quick.
Howard said he has an idea for a Jeff Beck album. He said he could put lyrics to his songs and maybe come up with some hits. He had Fred play that Jeff Beck song again so he could come up with some lyrics. He put some echo on his voice and sang to Robin about jerking off Will so they could get some sperm for him. Fred threw in some sound effects during the song too.
Gary said he left out a lot on the list. He said that Stevie Wonder and Sting did some stuff together too. Howard said he's glad that Gary was at the concert. Howard said he could never sit through that much for that long. He said he'd jut want to go home. He said he'd have better things to do and he'd have to get out.
Howard said his kids were yelling at him the other day for leaving a wedding at 8:30. Howard said they hadn't even served dinner yet. Howard said it's enough by then. He said the weddings go on way too long. Gary said that Howard is the only one who complains about that stuff. Howard said he went to Gary's one night for a dinner and had to leave there too. Gary said it was a Saturday night. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck, he had to leave.
Artie said that Howard's wedding was great because they did everything quick and made it all happen. Howard said it was a great party and that's why they did things the way they did.
Howard said he asked Bubba what happened and Bubba told him that he was defending him. Robin heard some of it and said that he was upset that they weren't backing Howard there at SIRIUS and treating him kind of poorly so he went nuts on them complaining about it.
Howard said he wanted them to lock Bubba into an exclusive but they let him go to terrestrial so he could make some money. Robin said there were a lot of things said during that show. Robin said that Bubba thought they had taken down the picture of Howard when Oprah was up there recently. Howard said that never happened.
Howard said he found out who ratted out Ronnie. He said that he's kind of sad about one thing and that's Ronnie feeling better. He said he kind of liked the way he was upset.
Howard said that they will talk about the rat because the guy was ready to hang himself. Robin didn't think that was the case. Howard said Ronnie is a good man and he just needs to be calm right now. He said they have a lot to get to today so he had to take a break and get back to all of that stuff.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said that Little Mikey has been at it again with his song parodies about Robin. He played one of his new ones. It was about her big brown boobs and asking if she wanted to taste his semen. Howard said he treated Beth to some of that this weekend.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that she's excited about the astronaut outfit he's going to be wearing today. Howard said he was going to put it on but the helmet won't have room for his headphones. Howard said Scott DePace bought it and it doesn't have any communications stuff in there. Howard said he was thinking about Imus wearing the cowboy outfit and figured he should dress up like something ridiculous. Howard said Imus has become McCloud with his outfit and it does hide all of his flaws.
Howard tried to put the helmet on but he had to take his headphones off. His nose was in the way of the helmet too. Howard sounded like the Gamorrean guard guy in the helmet. Howard raised the shield on the helmet and he could be heard better. Howard said it does hide his neck and you only see the tip of his nose and his teeth. He said that he won't even have to do his hair anymore. Howard said they got him a costume to go along with it but it wasn't going to work.
Howard said he should do the show like this every day. He said they will put it up on Howard TV. Howard said he was getting dizzy in there though. He said maybe he should do it when they have a big guest in there like Barbara Walters. He said he wouldn't even explain it because Imus doesn't do that with his guests.
Howard put the visor down again and tried to talk with it like that. Howard then put the visor up and said that was pretty cool. He gave up on it a few seconds later. He said that was enough for him.
Howard said he saw that Chris Wallace interviewed Rush Limbaugh for a half hour. Howard said he didn't care what the guy had to say but he wanted to see his mansion. Howard said he walked in wearing a blue blazer, loafers and no socks. Howard said those loafers must have been really stinky too. He said that fat Rush Limbaugh in loafers is just gross.
Howard said Rush was talking about how Obama is a narcissist. He said that he has to be kidding with that. That conversation led to Howard and the guys all doing their Kennedy impressions. They were talking about how Country Club guys like the Kennedy's all wear those loafers with no socks. That's what got them on the impressions. Fred said that it makes it easier for him to kick off his shoes to get away from the sinking cars.
Howard continued to do his impression for a few minutes. Robin was even doing her Kennedy impression during that. Howard talked about some of the wacky Kennedy family stuff. He wasn't doing it with the megaphone at first so a few minutes in he grabbed it and started to do it that way.
Howard was goofing on the Kennedy's about how upset they must have been to bring a Jew into the family with Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. He did that for a couple of minutes and then got back to the Rush Limbaugh discussion.
Howard said Rush looked like he was ready for the Country Club in that interview. Artie went into his impression and said everything that guy said made you want to punch him in the face.
Howard said Lisa G had some news for them so he had her get to that. Lisa said she has a Halloween story for them. JD was annoyed with Jared last year when he dressed up as a pimp. This year they have photos of Jared dressed up as a Chipendales dancer with no shirt and a bow tie on. Howard saw the pictures and said that he's doing whatever he can to show off those abs. Howard said he looks like he might be going bald so that might be good news. Artie said that he's started using Rogaine and it's not really working on his head, but his back is doing very well.
Artie said he was just kidding about the Rogaine. He said he has hair in the front and back and it's just the bald on the back. He said if it stays that way he's fine with it. Howard said he kind of likes Artie's hair. Artie said he is starting to wear hats on talk shows because when he turns around you can see that bald spot and it's glaring to him.
Howard said he always thought Fred would go bald but he still has a full head of hair. Howard said he's very lucky himself with the hair he has.
Lisa said they spoke to Nick Manning about staring as Batman in Batman XXX. Howard said he's happy for the guy. He said that should be a big deal for him. Lisa said that Nick spoke to them about the movie and he should have two sex scenes in it. She said that they'll have the same director as Star Trek XXX. Lisa also said that Nick talked about how Robin would have to be the one to make the first move with him if she wanted to go out with him.
Robin said she doesn't have the desire to be with a guy who has a long list of women like he has. Artie said that Jim Florentine has a long list too. Robin said she doesn't want to hear that.
Lisa said that Big Foot did his appearances last week but they had to cancel the early show and only 5-10 people showed up for his other shows.
Howard said Rosie O'Donnell starts her show today at 10am on Stars 102. Howard said maybe they should tune in and listen. He said he doesn't listen to that channel much. He said he's not a big fan of Dr. Laura. Howard said Jay Thomas is also on there and Jay does some stuff for them. Richard Simmons also does a show over there. Howard said he's not sure he could take him seriously on his own.
Howard said there was a picture in the NY Post of Paris Hilton out on a date with this new boyfriend who looks like a real dick. Howard said the guy looks like a douche in the pictures. Howard said he read that her ex Brandon Davis is now getting Avril Lavigne and that pisses him off. He said that guy comes off as such a douche that he can't imagine what she sees in him.
Howard read that Paris was out with this guy Doug Reinhardt and they went to a bunch of parties on Halloween. They had a bunch of pictures of them drinking and stuff and then some argument started. He said that someone threw Paris' cell phone out the window and she was staggering around trying to find it. Howard read that Paris started slapping and kicking her boyfriend and the boyfriend was squeezing her throat in the pictures. The guy they were with was trying to block the pictures but it wasn't working. The Limo Driver was just freaking out because all of this was happening with him.
Howard said that the world is just filled with assholes who get paid to be assholes on reality shows. Robin said she's not even on TV anymore.
Howard read that Mel Gibson is now the father to 8 kids and he's not even married to the mother of all of the kids. He said that comes off as kind of hypocritical.
Artie told a story he's told before about going to a friend's house where they had to do the signs of the cross. He said that the father was watching a basketball game and in the middle of doing the signs of the cross thing he yelled out ''Shoot (N-word)Faggot.''
Howard said that he was watching this marathon and saw that a guy was wearing a big USA t-shirt and the guy looked like he wasn't born here. They said that he was born in Eritrea. Howard said that the guy did the marathon in 2 hours 9 minutes and 14 seconds. Howard said the guy fractured his right hip somehow and his running partner died of heart failure. Howard said a lot of people look like they're going to die after running that thing.
Robin said that people just wander the streets wearing those foil things and it's kind of sad. Howard said that's because they're trying to find cabs and there are no cabs around after the marathon.
Howard said he was reading about this 19 year old kid who died up at Yale. Howard said the kid was from Roosevelt where he grew up. Howard said the kid must have been black because there were no white kids left there after he left.
Howard said Al Sharpton's ex-wife and daughter were pulled over for something. Robin said that they pulled around a cop car and honked at him. Howard said he read that they were both belligerent and they had to be arrested. Now Al Sharpton is coming out and saying it doesn't sound right to him. His daughter is saying that she doesn't need his help though.
Howard read that there's an odds web site (BookOfOdds.com) out there that can tell you what your odds are of becoming a model, becoming a bartender, crashing in an airplane and things like that. Howard read some of the other odds and said that they study all kinds of things.
Howard said they studied how many people wash their hands after using the bathroom. He said that Beth thinks that he doesn't wash his hands after he pees but at night he just sits down and doesn't touch it.
Howard said sometimes his underpants get really wet after peeing because he keeps dripping. He said he can't help that though. He said he's 55 years old and it can't be helped.
Wheels called in and asked if Howard thinks that the guys would like Ronnie as much if he wasn't connected to the whole Rick's thing. Howard said the guys like Ronnie and he is fun to hang out with so they would probably like him.
Howard got to the rat thing and said that they have this email list that includes a bunch of the guys from the show. He said that they called the list ''guys'' and they all share stuff that they're planning for the show. Howard said they share that information all the time.
Howard said that they had about 30 guys on this list and they get a lot of information to use for the show. He said that Scott the Engineer and Richie Wilson contribute a lot. Everyone does that in different ways.
Howard said they got an email from a listener who saw Pete at Rick's with Ronnie. One of the guys forwarded that mail to the ''Guys'' list and someone on that list told Ronnie about it being forwarded. Howard said he had to find out who that person was because he doesn't want people telling other people about that stuff.
Howard said he asked Ronnie who it was and Ronnie was protecting this source. Howard said it was driving Ronnie crazy that the person wasn't coming forward. If the person had just come forward right away he would have been fine with it. That person got really scared and thought he was going to lose his job. Howard said things got really scary around there. Robin said she knew who it was after hearing that.
Howard said he didn't even care that much. He said he thought it was funny. Howard said things got really crazy and Ronnie wanted the guy to come forward but he wasn't going to give him up. Howard said he was going to have a nervous breakdown over it all. He was threatening to quit his job over it.
Howard said the guy came to him on the verge of tears last week and told him what happened. Howard said he just wanted to leave but the guy was shaking and scare. Howard said he told this person that he really didn't care. Howard said the thing he's pissed off about is that Ronnie feels good and he's not shaking in his boots now. Howard said they did the Wrap Up Show about the whole thing and the Superfan Roundtable show was all about it too.
Howard said he loves this guy and he didn't mean anything bad by it. He said he told the guy not to worry about losing his job. Howard said he was afraid that he was out of a job but that wasn't going to happen.
Howard said he wanted to tell the guy not to reveal anything from that email list. He said he just wanted to get out and told the guy not to do it again and just left. Howard said he got more and more worked up over it over the weekend. Robin told him to just fire the guy now.
Howard asked Robin who she thinks it is. Robin said she thinks it's Brian Phelan. Howard asked her why that is. She said that he's on the list, he's good friends with Ronnie and he's the kind of guy who would get worried about losing his job. Howard asked Artie who he thinks it was. Artie said he thinks it might have been Doug Goodstein. Artie said he's a good guy and he knows how to produce the show and he knows how the show operates and he's the type who knows Howard very well and what could be good for the show.
Howard said Robin is wrong and Brian isn't on ''Guys.'' Howard said he got a note saying that the guys in the office thought it was Tim. Howard said that everyone around there has said that they didn't do it. Artie said he has nothing against Doug but he might be the guy who would create something like that and do it.
Howard said that Howard TV has a collective thought about who it is. They think that it's Jared. Robin said Jared has been cleared though. Howard said that's right. Scott DePace said that Jared has been wandering around kind of nervous over the past week.
Gary came in and said that they have all kinds of theories there about who it was and they had pictures they were moving around on a board. Gary said he had a discussion with that person on Thursday morning. He said that the person kind of admitted it to him without even realizing it. Gary said that the guy told him that they were the person and he didn't even know it. He said he was like Fredo in the Godfather movie.
Howard said he got the list of people and checked that out. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to come in and reveal himself. No one was coming in though. Howard waited for the guy to come in and said that he doesn't have to come in but if he wants to get it over with then he should just come in. He said if he doesn't come in then he respects it. Gary said he was coming but then made a left turn down the other hall.
Howard said the guy might not be comfortable. He said he didn't want to give the guy a nervous breakdown. Howard said he doesn't hold any animosity toward anyone. Howard said he understands why this person did it and he did it with only the best of intentions.
Artie said he thought that Doug Goodstein did it because he knows that it would be good for the show. Howard said it was nothing like that. He said that maybe later the guy would come in.
Gary came back in and said that he thought it was Tim Sabean but he's wrong. Gary said that he thought Tim had revealed to him that it was him but it turns out it wasn't. Howard said that during the break he'll talk to the person. He asked Gary not to tell him anymore. He said maybe later he'll come in. Howard said he wants to go talk to the person about it.
Artie didn't understand what was going on so he asked some questions and tried to figure it out. Howard explained to him but said he wasn't even sure if it was interesting anymore. Howard said that they will find out who the leak was by the end of the show.
Gary said a lot of guys think it was a dicky move on JD's part to send that email to the whole list of guys. Howard said it wasn't a dicky move at all, he did the right thing. Howard said that the email is sent to the show and the interesting stuff is sent to him directly. Howard said it wasn't anything so bad either.
Benjy asked Howard if he was surprised by who it was. Howard said the guy wasn't doing the wrong thing. He said there was some intelligence behind it.
JD came in and said that if he thought it was that important then he wouldn't have sent it to everyone. He said he would have just sent it to Howard. Howard told JD they know that and told him to leave.
Robin asked the rat to just walk in. Howard said he'll talk to the rat during the break and they will have the answer by the end of the show.
Howard said when Shatner did his version of the song he must have thought it was about a man in a rocket. Howard played some of Shatner's version of the song. Howard said they have to get that guy back in there.
Howard said he should do some interpretive reading of songs himself. Howard said he might have to do Blackbird. Robin told him to do some Bowie and do ''I'm Afraid of Americans'' or something like that. Howard went into Blackbird and did his interpretive reading of that song.
Robin suggested Nine Inch Nails ''I Want To Fuck You Like an Animal'' as a song for Howard to read. Howard started to do that but he gave up on that pretty quick.
The caller said he sees people running in the park and gave Piers Morgan a fist bump instead of shaking his hand and Piers got pissed at him. He said that he was trying to be polite but Piers didn't think that was polite. Howard said people shake his hand all the time and he has to go and wash. He said you can avoid colds by not shaking hands.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't understand why he wants to change Will. Howard said he doesn't want to change him, he just worries about his anger. The caller said that he gets upset when his college team loses. He said that he's inconsolable for a week or so. Howard had to correct him when he said ''unconsolable'' and asked what college he went to.
Howard said that Richard went out for Halloween as Zombie Billy Mays so he has no voice this morning because he was yelling so much.
Howard told the caller that Will needs help and that's all he was trying to give him this morning. Howard said he doesn't want to see the guy get arrested for beating someone up just because his team didn't win. Fred said he's not sure where he gets that because he's kind of slight and if he gets into a fight he might not win.
Richard came in and said that his voice is getting better. He said he went to a Mets game once and he and Will almost got into a fight there. Richard said it's a lot of fun to go to games with Will. He said he makes an ass of himself.
Richard told Howard what he was doing all weekend yelling as Billy Mays. He said he was out in Las Vegas doing that. He said he had an appearance out there and he was doing the Billy Mays thing out there.
Gary said they were talking about Richard back there and they figured that he'd come up with something more original. Howard said he's 55 years old and he stopped with the Halloween stuff when he was 12. Howard said on Saturday night he pretend to be a guy getting a blow job, that's what he did.
Howard said he heard something creepy about Ross. He used to hold parties at a bar and he was making money off of them. Howard said he's not kidding about that either. He said Ross would throw the party and the bar was a cash bar and he was making money off of what they made. Howard said he's never going to another one of his parties again.
Gary said he had never heard that before. He said he was shocked hearing that. Sal came in and said that Ross is a wheeler and dealer so he's sure that he ripped them off at that party. Sal said he was at that party and he paid for drinks there. Howard said he heard that Sal hates Ross. Sal said the guy is arrogant and pompous and kind of douchy.
Howard said that Sal isn't happy about him being friends with Ross. Sal said that he is kind of surprised by that. Sal said that Ross isn't the pope around there and he doesn't see how Howard hangs out with a guy like that. Sal said that it behooves him that he hangs out with the guy. No one understood what he was trying to say.
Gary said he got a note from their friend Mike Portnoy who says that Ross didn't make any money off of them and he bought the drink tickets he was giving out to the guys at that party.
Sal said he doesn't know anyone who likes Ross in the office. Gary said he's good friends with Ross and he doesn't know what he's talking about. Sal said that Gary is only friends with him because he gets him Springsteen tickets. The guys told Sal that Gary could get tickets too.
Sal asked where the SIRIUS promotion is and why they have to hear about Bruce Springsteen concerts all the time. Sal said the guy has no credentials at all. Sal said he never sees this place marketed. Howard said there may be no budget for that. Sal said that all of the money is going into his pocket as his salary.
Sal said he wants Ross to come in there and tell them what he's done for the company. He wasn't there yet and Gary said he may still be home sleeping because he stayed up to watch the Yankees game. Sal was also saying that Ross' breath is horrible and it might even be worse than Dan the Song Parody Man's breath. Sal said he has nothing against Ross but he wants to know what he does for the company.
Gary said that Ross was calling in now. Howard had him on the line a minute later. Ross aid the only time Sal talks to him is when he needs tickets to a KISS concert. Sal said that he finds it odd that Howard is friends with Ross.
Howard told Ross about the rumor he heard about the Halloween party bar. Ross said he wasn't looking to make money that day but he didn't want to shell out $25,000 either. He said that they had to have some people paying for drinks.
Sal said that Ross is like the Paris Hilton of the Howard Stern Show. He said that he doesn't promote stuff there either and he'd like to know what he does. Ross said he can set up a meeting with him and he'll go through it all. Sal said he'd have to wear a surgical mask to deal with his breath.
Sal said that he wanted to put up banners at the Killers of Comedy shows and Ross kind of helped him with that but he's always talking about the concerts he goes to and stuff. Sal said he never sees any results from his marketing stuff.
Ross said they were giving away free radios at the Phillies and Yankees games this weekend. Sal said that doesn't count. He said he wants to see other stuff going on. Ross said that they do a lot of promotion for other channels there too and it's not just Howard's channels that they're dealing with there.
Sal said they should put some ''buy SIRIUS radio'' on the posters they have out there. Ross said that they were giving people the opportunity to get free radios and Sal isn't thinking big picture. He said that he has to think like that if he wants to be successful.
Ross asked Sal not to ask him for tickets in the hallway anymore. Sal said he never got any to begin with. Sal told Ross to brush his teeth after Ross said that his phony phone calls bring in tons of subscribers.
Howard said he's glad that Ross didn't make any money off of him at that Halloween party. Ross just laughed. Howard said he thinks that Ross is doing a good job there. Ross said he likes Richard but Sal might be dragging him down and maybe it should be a one man show there. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said they have Kendra Jade coming in today. Howard said that she's on Celebrity Rehab this season so she's going to be talking about her sex addiction and stuff. Artie said that a sex addict would want to have sex a lot and he's not sure that she's really an addict. Artie said that if she was an addict then she would want to have sex with him. Howard said she did have sex with Gange years ago. Gange said she drove 4 hours in the middle of the night to have sex with him so that's what he would call sex addiction. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked how many porn movies she made when she was doing that. She said it was maybe 10 or 15. Howard said he has to get some of those movies. She said she wasn't good as a porn star though. Kendra also fucked Jerry Springer. Howard said if that's not a sex addict then he doesn't know what is. Howard said it's no wonder she's fucked up after she and her step-mom went and fucked the guy. Kendra said that she couldn't fuck him because his dick didn't work for her. Howard said he could get it up for her. Artie said he got it up for her 2 minutes ago.
Howard asked how old Kendra is. She said she's 32 now. Howard said she looks good. Kendra said she was on the show the first time when she was 18. Howard said she also fucked Gange. Kendra said that she was seeking out bad situations back then.
Howard said that Kendra is seeking out intimacy and love when you're a sex addict. Kendra said that she was also cheating on every single person she was with no matter how much she loved them. She said she was trying to fill some kind of void in her life. Howard said that's like what Letterman was doing with the people he was banging. Howard said it would be great if they had Letterman and Steve Phillips on this sex rehab show.
Howard said Kendra gave anal sex to a listener that won a contest. Kendra said that guy never showed up. Howard asked how it could be possible for Jerry Springer not to get hard for her. Howard asked if she sucked on it. She said that was embarrassing and didn't answer.
Howard asked Kendra more about the time she was with Jerry. She said that Jerry came out and whipped it out from what she remembers. She said that she may have been encouraging it. Howard said her mom was there too. She said it was her step-mom but Howard said it's more fun to say ''mom.'' Howard asked if Springers's cock was really ugly. She said she didn't remember but she said it was all very exciting for her so she may have overlooked it if it was.
Howard asked if the penis was big and what she did with it. Kendra said she didn't remember all of the details, it was a very long time ago. Howard said that it must have excited him just to whip it out. Howard asked how many fingers she used to pull it out. Kendra was just laughing at all of the questions.
Howard asked how you don't get hard when Kendra is sucking on you. Kendra said he didn't get softer than he was but it didn't get harder. She said that he actually finished himself off. Howard kept asking more and more questions about that but Kendra wanted to change subjects.
Howard said Jerry must have looked at them naked or something. She said that he may have done that. Howard asked where he finished. Kendra said that it was probably on her chest somewhere. She said it was hard to remember because it was so long ago.
Howard said he should have banged her back in the day. Kendra said she tried to get him. Howard said that it was weird how Gange rejected her. She said that she came on too strong because she was so needy. Howard said Gange must be kicking himself in the head now. Gange was in there and said that he is. He said that she looks great.
Gange said he stopped calling her because she was paging him like 20 times a day and writing him 10 page letters on paper. He said that was back when there was no cell phones or email so it kind of scared him off.
Howard asked Kendra if she looks back on it and thinks that she made a mistake being with her. She said they had some fun back then and it wasn't like that. Gange said that they did have fun and if he knew she wasn't going to be crazy maybe he would have stuck with her.
Artie goofed on Gange's yellow wrangler shirt and told Kendra they use that at Yankee stadium when they have a rain delay.
Howard checked Kendra out and said she's still looking good. Howard said a lot of chicks her size get fat a lot. Kendra said she was fat for a while. She said that she was drinking a lot and she was quite a bit heavier.
Howard said Kendra married the guy who won Rockstar Supernova, Lucas Rossi, and she hasn't cheated on him but she'd gone to rehab so she won't cheat on him. Kendra said that Lucas is amazing and it's tough to break her habits so she has to go to rehab. Kendra said she can be very self destructive, especially if they get into a fight.
Kendra said that when Lucas was out on tour it was tough for her to sleep alone and it would be very tough for her to stop herself from going out and just fucking some guy. She said that's why she had to go on this show. Kendra said Dr. Drew is great and they have a sex therapist by the name of Jill who is great. Howard heard that she hated Dr. Drew. Kendra said that's not true. She said she looked at him like a father figure.
Howard asked if she shows off her body on the show. She said they had them all covered up so they didn't look sexy at all. She said that they have another porn chick, Penny Flame, and Nicole Naraine the Playboy chick on the show. They have Amber Smith on the show too. Howard said she was on the other rehab show too. Kendra said that Amber had to address those issues because she didn't do that in the other show. Kendra said she's so beautiful and she doesn't even know it. Howard said that Amber seemed to think she was all that when she was on the set of his movie.
Howard asked if there were any guys on the show. She said there was a surfer and a film director. She said that the director pretended to be a lord in England and went to jail for that. Howard said he heard that Kendra cried a lot on the show. She said that she did. She was able to call her husband on the show and he came to visit but they weren't allowed to touch. They weren't supposed to masturbate either. Howard said he heard she did. Kendra said that you'll have to watch to see if she did. She said that she might have. Howard asked how many times she did. Kendra said she didn't know.
Howard said that the new show starts on Sunday night on VH1. He asked her why she didn't like Dr. Drew. Kendra said she didn't not like him. She said that she had issues with him but he showed her that he really did care about them in the end.
Howard asked if she thinks that her husband has been faithful to her. Kendra said she's sure he is. She said that he's a good boy. Howard said he's not so sure that he is. Howard asked if she would go out and fuck other guys if she found out he did cheat. She said that she would work it out in therapy.
Howard asked if Kendra wants to have kids. She said that she does someday. She said that she thinks that she could bring a lot to the table for a kid.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Kendra's mother taped her having sex. Howard said there was a whole thing around that situation. Howard said he's proud of Kendra and what she's doing with the new boyfriend. Kendra said that she and Dr. Drew really did some intense stuff in therapy. She said that she does like Dr. Drew.
Howard asked Kendra about her lips being all wet looking. She said that was just lip gloss. Howard said he wishes that she was a sex addict. The caller said that he was with Kendra a long time ago and she was the second best blow job he ever got. He said that he met her at a porn convention out there. The guy didn't understand how she can be a sex addict if she's only having sex with her husband. Howard said that she's doing that now but she had a lot of issues in the past.
The guys talked about some of these guys who cheat even though they have very attractive wives. Howard said that Steve Phillips guy is one of them. He cheated with some ugly chick.
Howard asked Kendra about why she went into porn. She said she got pissed at her boyfriend at the time and that was the way to get back at him.
Howard said he's proud of Kendra for working all of this stuff out. Kendra said that she wanted Mary Carey to be on the show with her. Howard said Dr. Drew may not want the same people on the show every season.
Howard gave Kendra a plug for an appearance she's making at a strip club. Howard asked if that's dangerous for her. She said that it may be. She said that she won't be naked but she may remove some articles of clothing. Howard asked if she's going to do lap dances. She said that she might get naked but she won't be doing lap dances. Howard and Robin asked if Dr. Drew knows about this.
Kendra said she's just going to hang out and meet people. She said she was kidding about getting naked. She's going to be at Rouge night club in Maspeth, New York and then Mardi Gras in Springfield, Massachusetts this week. Howard asked when she last did that. She said it was a few years.
Howard said that she might want to avoid going to the strip clubs. Kendra said that she should be fine. Howard said he hopes she can keep it up.
Howard asked if any of the people at the Sex Rehab fell off the wagon at all. She said that they weren't allowed to leave and she's not sure if anyone hooked up in the place they were staying.
Howard asked if she would bring another woman into bed with her husband. Kendra said that she has done that. She's not sure where the line is with that kind of thing. She said she has problems drawing the line with a lot of things like that.
Howard asked if she's told not to masturbate after getting out of rehab. She said that they don't do that but they suggest that you have a healthy relationship. Howard asked Kendra about having really rough sex. She said she still likes that and she likes smacking, choking and being spit on and things like that. Howard asked if she's into gun play. She said she wouldn't like that. Howard asked if her husband gives it to her rough. She said he does sometimes. Howard asked if Dr. Drew is okay with her liking it rough. She said she's not sure but she doesn't think he would be. Howard gave Kendra some more plugs, wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he so-called rat is ready to come in. Howard said that Robin thought it was Brian from Howard TV. Robin said that she's switching to Doug Goodstein. Artie said he was going to say it was Doug too. Fred said that he never gave an opinion and he thinks that it may have been a she so he's kind of biased.
Robin said they still think that it's Jared out in the office. That's who it was. Jared, Tim's assistant, came walking in. Howard said he was very upset on Thursday and he maned up and told him what had happened. Howard said he told Jared he was going to punch him if he cried.
Jared said that he wasn't trying to be a rat, he was trying to protect Ronnie. He said that he didn't read it on the Guys list either. He said he got an email that went to Tim Sabean about it from JD and that's when he mentioned it to Ronnie. He said he was worried for Ronnie because of the intern issue.
Howard told Jared that he should have come in that morning and told them that it was him. Jared said he got nervous that he had caused issues with the confidential email. Howard said part of the cover up was Jared yelling at JD on the Wrap Up Show last week. Jared hoped that it would just go away. He said it started to snowball and became a bigger issue. He said he spoke to Ronnie and told him that he wanted to talk to other people off the air. He said he was just trying to protect Ronnie and he wasn't trying to get anyone in trouble.
Jared said it all started to wear on him when it all came out last week. He said he even apologized to JD for yelling at him. He also apologized to Robin because she was defending him last week.
Howard said he heard that Jared went to Tim for counseling. Howard heard that Tim told him that's what he gets for trying to help too many people.
Jared said he's not on the ''guys'' email list. Howard said he may put him on that. Howard told him to go to Tim for that if he ever has something to tell someone. Gary said that Jared threatened JD the day he was going off on him on the Wrap Up Show. Jared was calling JD a scumbag and going off on him when he walked out of the studio. They played that clip and Jared was saying he didn't think much of it and didn't think about who the rat was because it wasn't his problem.
Howard said Jared is a really good liar. He said that he was very good in this clip defending himself and going off on JD. Jared was threatening to make JD's life miserable. Howard said he reminds him of the husbands who kill their wives and deny it. Robin said that he called in and defended himself against JD. Artie asked Jared to give him some lying lessons for the next time he goes back on drugs.
Howard said that Ronnie kind of forced Jared forward. He was starting to crack. Jared said he didn't know it was going to become such a big issue. Howard told Jared that he barely fires anyone, ever, so he shouldn't feel afraid to come forward with something like that.
Jared said he was more worried about breaking Tim's trust too. He said that he didn't know what the consequences were going to be. Howard thanked Jared for coming in and asked when he confessed to Tim. Jared said he thinks it was Thursday, the same day he told Howard.
Howard said there's a new theory about Jared trying to cover for Tim. Jared said that's not true either. He said Tim would never do anything to cause Howard to distrust him.
Gary asked Jared if he was upset with High Pitch Mike for taking pictures of him at the bar. Jared said he told Mike not to take pictures of him at the bar and he did it anyway. He said he was only there for 3 minutes. All he did was take pictures and had one drink. Jared said he knows that Mike has a picture of him with his head on his body. He doesn't want them ending up on the internet though. Jared said he doesn't need those pictures out there for people to see when he's trying to get a job some day.
Steve said Miss Howard TV for November was kicked out of her sorority for appearing on the Howard Stern Show. Howard asked what the hell is going on there. Steve gave him all of the details he had which wasn't all that much.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric is in discussions to work out a deal on his grand larceny charges. The campaign to get Artie elected mayor for Hoboken is still on and they like that Artie isn't trying to help because that way he can't screw it up. Howard said he kind of likes the way that's working out and he thinks that he'll end up in office. Artie said the last mayor was only in office for 22 days before he got booted out.
Steve mentioned that Rosie O'Donnell's show is starting at 10 this morning on Stars 102. He got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on tonight at Midnight on Howard 101.
Howard turned on Stars 102 to hear Rosie O'Donnell's new show. Rosie thanked Howard Stern and SIRIUS for helping her get the show started. Rosie talked about her Halloween. Howard said he thinks she'll get rolling and her show will be good. This was her first radio show ever so it was off to a slow start. Howard said she knows what she's doing and she'll be fine.
Howard said he was going to get Rosie an astronaut outfit. He did send her a gift for her new studio. He said it should be there on Wednesday. Howard said she'll be good on radio. Artie said he remembers being on the show the first time with Norm and how they had that giant Rosie head with jellybeans in it. Howard said times do change and he manned up and admitted that he was wrong about her.
Howard said that he sent Rosie a Sybian. He said that she just needs to get some chicks on that thing and she'll be all set. He asked Tim when that's going to get over there. Tim asked him to send him a note and he'd get it out. Howard told Tim that he'll get it out there as soon as he knows where to send it.
Howard said that Tim is a great program director but he doesn't know the difference between there, their and they're. Tim said he does but things are crazy in his office. Howard told him to write ''Rosie, Best of luck on your show. Hope this helps you out.''
Howard said those things cost a lot of money. He said he hopes she uses it even if she uses it herself. Artie wanted to guess what it costs. He guessed it was 5 grand. Howard said that's it, he hit it right on the head. Artie said he was thinking maybe $2,500. Howard asked Gary what the bottom line was on that thing. He wasn't sure it was 5 grand or not. Gary said it's not nearly that. Howard told him to be quiet and say it costs more. Gary said it was $7,500. Howard said he didn't pay for it himself. He said he still hasn't recovered from the $800 wine Robin ordered.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of Wrap Up Show subjects. They ended up talking about Jared and wondering if he has read other email and tipped people off before. Howard said good looking people do get away with stuff like that. Howard said they don't even have secrets worth keeping around there.
Jon went through the rest of his list for today's Wrap Up Show before Howard had Robin get to her news. Benjy told Howard the Sybian is actually only $1,300 from what he was reading. He said maybe they got her a special one with lots of extras or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to say that he was a fan of the Yankees even if the Phillies don't win. Howard said he just said that he thought the Phillies were going to win and he still likes the Yankees. Howard said he hasn't watched a game all year so he's not really any kind of fan. Howard said he goes out and sees some baseball games that aren't pro games and he loves those. He said he feels he's wasting a lot of time when he watches a game on TV. Howard said he is a fan of baseball but he can't sit and watch so long.
Howard started off with some audio clips of Chaz Bono. Artie was doing an impression of him/her last week so he picked up where he left off last week doing more of that impression. Howard played a bunch of clips from that interview on Entertainment Tonight and Artie did more of his impression. The clips were some of the same ones they played last week. They went through all of that stuff over again and both Artie and Howard were doing their impressions of Chaz. The two of them were cracking each other up with their one liners.
Robin got to her news and said that the Chinese have said they have succeeded in making it snow by seeding some clouds. Howard said that they used to make it snow and now we're way behind in creating our own weather. Howard said that we were the first to the moon and now we're falling behind.
Robin read some news about a new doll that Mattel is putting out called Sugar Daddy Ken. Robin said they're not marketing it to kids, they're marketing it toward adults. Howard went into his Chaz impression while she was talking about that.
Robin read about the woman who was involved with Steve Phillips trying to get a public relations firm to work with her.
Howard said he got an email from Jimmy Kimmel who was asking him why his father has an inventory of sardines and he said that he loves listening to his parents on the radio. Howard said his dad has an inventory of cereal too.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about the 13 year old who was raped by Roman Polanski. Gore Vidal has said that she was a prostitute.
Robin read that David Hasselhoff is going to do a reality show where he tries to get over his drinking problem. His kids are going to be in the show with him and it should be airing on A&E.
Robin read that Elton John has the flu and E.Coli so he's had to postpone some of his concerts. Robin read some of the details of that story. They've had to postpone a lot of European dates and some here in the States.
Robin read about Adam Lambert being single now. Robin read that he dumped his boyfriend according to the article she read.
Robin said tomorrow is election day and they're saying that the President has been to New Jersey and he's pretty much staking his political career on the outcome of the election for governor there.
Robin read that Kellogg's is in hot water for claiming that their Cocoa Krispies cereal can boost a child's immunity.
Robin said that some 24 guys who watched a 15 year old get gang raped have not been charged by the police in the case. Howard said someone could have gone to a phone to call it in at least. Robin said that it's a crime not to report a crime in California.
Robin read that David Letterman's ratings have gone up since the sex scandal broke. Robin said that they say that he may have grown in viewer ship since last year because of that scandal. Artie asked Howard if there is any amount of time that could go by where he wouldn't bring that up. Howard said he's fine with not going back on and this may have been his ticket out. Howard said he would have to ask Dave about it if he went on the show. Howard said everyone else goes on and doesn't bring it up though. Artie said he doesn't think he'll even be allowed back on the show. He said he made a joke on Jimmy Kimmel's show last week and he said that he thought the was on CBS because he saw someone banging interns in the back. He said if that gets back to Letterman then he might not be allowed back on the show. Howard said he thinks Dave would be the first one to goof on a guy like that so he must get the joke.
Robin said that Ford Motor Company announced that they had a net income of $1 billion in the third quarter and they are turning the corner to be a viable car company again without taking any loans from the government.
Robin read some news about Andre Aggassi and his revelation that he had fake hair at times when he was playing. Howard said everyone knew that already. He said that wasn't much of a revelation.
Robin read about a web site where they test people to find out their biases toward other races. Howard said he knows he might be biased but then he said if he was walking down the street he might be afraid of white and black guys. Maybe he isn't racist. Howard used to read the wedding announcements in the paper and he wouldn't read the black announcements. Robin said it might be the attractive people he reads about. Howard said that's true.
Robin read about they're going to have a hotel in space by 2012 and a few days stay would cost millions. They would have velcro suits so they could move themselves around the ship.
Robin read about the new $1 billion ship that's on its way to New York. Some of the steel used to construct the ship was recycles from the World Trade Center.
Robin read about the Michael Jackson movie being number one at the box office this weekend. She had some audio of director Kenny Ortega talking about the movie. He was talking about it being a musical mosaic and it was about a man who had many, many talents. Robin said he wasn't talking about him being put to bed with anesthetics.
Robin had some audio of Ewan McGregor talking about working with George Clooney on a new movie. Howard lasted a few seconds with that before cutting it off and ending the show around 10:50am.
Gary said he thinks that Jared panicked and he didn't come forward because he thought it would go away. Jon asked about Robin defending him so vehemently and how shocked she was today when it turned out it was him.
Jon said that JD has to be relieved and vindicated now that Jared has been revealed. JD said he was going on his instinct and that's all he had to go on. Gary asked if he's owed an apology. JD said he's already apologized to him. Jon said he apologized to him last week but not this week. JD said he thinks that he apologized on air today by saying he apologized. JD said he's fine with the whole thing ending and moving on. He said that's all he's about.
Benjy asked JD if he loved it. JD said that it's better that he just move on because if he gets cocky about it he's going to have the shitstorm hit him later. JD said he and Jared hugged out in the hall and that was it. He said Chris Costa asked them to do that so he just did it.
JD said he felt that Jared and Ronnie were tight and that's what friends do. Benjy asked if Tim questioned Jared about it before that. Gary said he asked Tim about that and Tim said he knew right before he went to Howard with the story. Jared may have been questioned about it before then.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he thinks Jared should have to do something for being the rat. JD said he just wants the place to be happy again. Jon asked him about Robin defending him blindly last week. JD said that Robin said something about having evil thoughts about him and he wants to know what that's about. He said that she threatened to stab him in the eye with a pencil when he bad mouthed her Howard TV film festival entry.
JD said he doesn't want to be seen as being vindictive. JD said he didn't know what the hell he was saying. JD said he wasn't purposefully trying to hurt people in a serious manner. He doesn't want to gloat over this stuff. Benjy said he must be gloating though. JD said that he does feel good about being right.
Another caller said that JD was right about Jared last year and it's finally come out that Jared is an arrogant fuck face. Jared came in and said that he wasn't trying to throw JD under the bus.
Jared said that JD didn't have any evidence on him either and he did that because he doesn't like him and that's why he was upset with him last week. Jared said he didn't have any evidence at all and he still threw his name out there. JD said no one had any evidence about anyone who was being accused. He said he knew that Jared was close to Ronnie and the office environment that day made him think it was him. He said he had an instinct and he just went with it. Gary said he felt that JD was bubbling over with his exuberance. JD said he wasn't though.
Jon asked Jared if anyone is giving him a hard time today. Jared said that hasn't happened and a lot of people tell him that it got blown way out of proportion.
Jared said he went to Howard at the end of the show and he gave him the look of ''go away.'' He said he had to speak to him though so he refused to go away.
Dan the Song Parody Man called in and asked how he got on the list of being the rat. Jon said that was Jason's board. Dan said that Ronnie is the rat because he ratted out the rat. Gary said they talked about that last week on the Wrap Up Show.
Benjy asked what day it was that Jared told Ronnie not to tell anyone. Jared said he was kind of considered with Ronnie bringing it up because he was thinking that the company might be upset with him. He said that they have some very sensitive stuff about the interns so he was trying to keep Ronnie out of trouble.
Jon asked Jared if he was dying to get out there and tell everyone it was him. Jared said he was sick to his stomach and Ronnie told him that it would be fine eventually. Jared said he and Ronnie would talk about it in his office. He said he even lied to his father about it because his father is a huge fan of the show.
Jason came in and said that after listening to the Jared lying tape he has a tell. He says ''honestly'' when he's lying. Gary said he says that all the time, not just when he's lying.
Gary said someone came to him and said that they always think it's weird when someone's first inclination is to lie. Jared said he does get defensive and it does take him some time to think about what he's doing. He said he gets defensive and it took him a couple of days to realize what was going on.
Jared said he felt bad about Tim defending him on the show too. Jason asked Jared why he felt he had to get involved in the whole thing. He said he was trying to understand what that was all about and why he went right to Ronnie with it. Jared said he reads Tim's emails on a daily basis. Jason said he reads Gary's too but he's not sure why he went right to Ronnie. He asked why he didn't go to Tim first and bring it up with him.
Jon asked why Dan the Song Parody Man was number 2 on his list. Jason said it's because he's creepy and untrustworthy. Jason said it wasn't just him, there were a lot of people in the office who were bringing up his name.
Dan said he would never leak anything like that and he would be the first to slap someone in the face for calling him a rat. Jason said that the list is on the back of Gary's door and it's just a small number of people who saw the list.
Jason said he's still not believing that Tim didn't have anything to do with this. Jared said there are a few people who don't believe he wasn't involved. Gary said this whole thing is very Watergate like.
Jared said he got a call from a friend who heard him being ripped on that first morning and he wasn't even awake yet. He said he tried to defend himself and he knows he waited 3 days too long. Jared said he thought that it was just going to blow over. He said on Wednesday it wasn't discussed but then it came up again on Thursday and he knew it wasn't going to blow over.
The guys said that Jared even had theories on who it might be and he said that he thought it was Doug Goodstein. Jason said Doug should be thrilled to hear that.
Another caller said that he thinks that JD is going to have every right to think that Jared is behind something when anything happens now. Jared said that he never even brought JD into the whole thing with Ronnie and didn't try to throw him under the bus.
Tim Sabean came in and Jason sarcastically said they should get a straight answer now. Tim said that the whole thing could have been stopped if Jared had just come forward right away. Tim said he thinks that Jared did call him that morning and told him about what was going on. Jared said he wasn't sure but then he said he was right and he did. Tim and Jared sounded like they were working out their stories right there on the air.
Jared said he told Tim about what was going on and then he called Ronnie for some other things and told him about what was going on with the intern thing. He said Ronnie told him he didn't do what the fan claimed he did and they didn't think there was any issue there.
Tim backed up the story that Jared told and said that he talked to the people he had to talk to as well. Tim said he spoke to Ronnie as well and he spoke to him after Jared had already spoken to him. Tim said that they all make mistakes and Jared knows that he has to admit to something like that.
Benjy said that Tim didn't know that Jared was the leak until Thursday so he didn't know that Jared was the leak but then he must have thought he was the leak. Tim said he did admit to calling Ronnie that morning when they first discussed it on the air. Jason said the story doesn't make any sense.
Jason said he was trying to figure out why Jared would take it upon himself to call Ronnie on his own and not let Tim know about it. Jared said he was trying to be pro active.
Ralph said that they need to separate the two of them and come up with a timeline. He said it sounds fishy to him. He also told Jared he needs to apologize to JD and man up. Jared apologized to him and said that he gave him a hug off air. He said he thought that was an implicit apology.
Ralph asked Jared how he feels that his father doesn't trust him now. Jared said he'll have to talk to him about that because he's probably listening now.
Jon asked Jared about how he feels about the way people are going to feel about him now, like Robin. Jared said he'll have to deal with that. The guys were pretty sure she would get over it pretty quick. She may not trust him but she'd sure bang him. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the clip Jon asked Sal what he meant by it behooving him. Sal said he doesn't get why Ross and Howard get along. Jon said that a lot of the guys think that's why Sal has such a problem with Ross. Sal said he's gotten to know Ross and he's tried to get along with him but it never works. Sal said Gary thinks that there's something there that he's not seeing. Sal said that he might comment about Ross' weight and he'll come back with a joke about how he should sleep with his wife or something. He said it can be a little harsh.
Gary said that Ross is very vain and he doesn't want to hear that he's gaining weight. Sal said he just tells him that to help him. He said that he might ask about it and Ross will freak out on him. He said that he's asked Ross maybe 2 or 3 times about events and Ross always carries himself like he's bigger and better and like he's an underling. He said he doesn't know what Ross does for work and he shouldn't have gone there with him.
Sal said that Rossi is a guy who has a lot of arrogance but he's got problems doing that with Ross. He said he wants to get along with him but it's impossible. He said he was wrong for going into the work area and he admits that. He said he must be doing something right because he is working there.
Gary said that Sal was adamant about him not knowing what he was doing. Sal said he did say that and he still doesn't know what Ross does. Sal said he's not sure why Ross treats him like shit.
Ross came in around that time and Jon asked if Sal is jealous of Howard and Ross' relationship. Gary said that it might be a tiny bit of jealousy there. Sal said that's not it. He said that it's the way people carry themselves. Sal said Ross loves to brag about stuff. Ross said that he doesn't brag, he just discusses.
Ross said that Sal brings up his weight to get to him. Sal said it's a light hearted jab and it's not that bad. Gary said it might be light hearted to him but not to Ross. Gary also said that this conversation today was very much like one Sal had about 6 years ago about the friends that Howard had and how he felt he should be one of them.
Ross said that Sal only comes to him to talk to him about promotion or helping Sal out. Sal said that's not true. Ross said that Sal comes to him with requests for KISS tickets and things like that. He said he wants them for free. Sal said he never asked Ross for tickets for KISS. He said that he never went to him for KISS tickets. Jon said that he did say he asked Ross for KISS tickets. Sal said that he just used that as an example.
Ross said that Sal did get tickets for a show and he called him whining about it all that night. Ross said that Sal asked him for six tickets to that show. Sal said plenty of people have asked Ross for tickets. Ross said they were talking about Sal though.
Sal said that he went to the window and they didn't have his name on the list and he had to call Ross that night. Sal said he will cut him a check if he wants him to. Ross said that from now on he will charge him for tickets.
Sal said he wasn't the one who leaked the whole thing about him charging for drinks at the Halloween party. Gary said that Sal did say that he knew it was Ross because Ross is Ross. Sal said that he didn't bring it up initially. He said he was just backing up whoever it was that brought it up. Gary said there was no ''maybe'' involved when he said that's something Ross would do.
Ross said he never made a penny on the party and he asked Sal if he's going to believe him. Sal said he's not sure how that would change anything. Ross asked him if he believed him. Sal wouldn't say. He said that Ross just wants him to bow to him. Ross said that Sal has given him many reasons not to like him and he's always given Sal reasons to like him and it's not working.
Sal asked Ross what he wanted from him. Ross said he doesn't want anything from him. Sal said that he doesn't want anything from him either. Ross said that's good and they can move on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal is Anti-Semitic and that's what this whole thing is about. Sal said that's not it.
Another caller said that Jon is awesome and she thinks of him as a George Takei because no one can not like him. She said that no one can say they don't like him. Jon said he's not sure about that but thanked her anyway.
The caller said that Ross is whining about Sal coming to him about questions about promoting and that's his job. Gary said that Ross' job is marketing SIRIUS and Sal was looking for someone to sponsor the tour he was on. Sal defended Ross and said that he wasn't saying what this caller thought he was. Ross said he's willing to work with people but most of the time Sal comes to him for himself and not for the bigger picture.
Ross asked Sal why he only shits on him and no one else who helps him out. Sal said that he talks shit about him because he treats him like shit. Ross said he treats him a certain way but it's not like shit. He said that he only comes to him when he wants something for himself.
Sal said that Ross has told him not to come to him for anything for not putting him in Show in the Hallway and he thought he was serious. Ross said that it was just a joke and he thought that Sal was a comedian. Sal said he's hard to read so he wasn't sure if he was kidding or not.
Ross told Sal to use the email system from now on and not bother him in person. Sal said that he must be able to see that he has some arrogance and he should be able to see that. Ross asked Jon if he feels like shit when he speaks to him. Jon said he doesn't but he also doesn't have the same relationship with him that Sal does.
Ross asked Teddy if he has worked with him. Teddy said that he has. Sal said he could ask the rest of the guys if they feel like shit too but it doesn't matter. Gary said that Sal made it sound like no one liked Ross except for him and that's just not the case. Benjy said Ross is a really friendly guy. Ross said there is one other person he could mention that doesn't like him but he wasn't going to bring up that name.
Gary asked Sal why he would ask Ross for a favor if he doesn't get along with him. Sal said he has tried to get along with him. He said that he is an acquaintance of his. Gary said he doesn't get along with him though. Sal said that he has to work with the guy and he can help him out. He said that he and Gary work together and respect each other but he and Ross can't work together.
Ross said that he doesn't care about all of the stuff Sal said except for the stuff about his job. He said that shows he has disrespect for him. Sal said that Ross sowed the seeds and that's that. Jon asked how he did that. Sal said that he gets what he projects and he's being a douche bag to him if Ross is a douche bag to him. Sal said that he's said it before that he's been a dick to him. He said he's gotten dicked over by him before. Ross said that Sal has dicked him around too. Sal told Ross he could back off on being so arrogant too. He told him he can better himself if he just backs off. They went back and forth for a while before they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about going to bed early and getting up at 2 in the morning. He said he can't continue like that. Howard said he wanted to watch some of the World Series last night but he wasn't able to do that. Artie said it was a bad game. He said he wasn't even able to stay up and watch it. He said he tried to put on Sports Center but they weren't updating it so he tried to use his computer but ended up on a Playstation web site. He said he typed in MLB.com and he ended up with yesterday's score. Howard told him to try google.com instead.
Howard explained to Artie how to use google and exactly what to do. Artie asked why MLB had yesterday's results on it. Gary told him that there's something wrong with his computer. Artie said it popped up the right site and he saw yesterday's date on it. He said he tried to get it down and it didn't work. He said his girlfriend has been trying to teach him how to use it and he ended up on Playstation.com instead.
Gary said he was looking at MLB.com and it had the right date on it. Howard said Artie is a bright guy and he should be able to figure this out. Artie said he's getting into it. He said it has to be some sort of nightmare for him.
Howard said he heard about the game and asked Artie about some of the plays that happened. They talked about a three run homer from the game and Artie gave him the details of that. Fred got in on that a bit and said that the score was 3-1 for a little while but Artie argued with that. Howard said he wasn't sure who to believe.
Artie told Howard how the teams scored and how the Yankees were the first to score. Then the Phillies scored. He said that Utley drove in 4 runs during the night. Howard was trying to get out of Artie who scored and when but Artie said it was a long story so Howard told him he needed something quick. He asked Gary instead.
Gary told Howard when the runs were scored but he didn't have all of the details of who did what. Howard just wanted to know when it happened and went with what Gary had. He ran it all down for him and told him what he could tell from what he was reading.
Artie told Howard about A-Rod's plays and Gary filled him in on the rest. Howard just wanted to know how they scored in a simple explanation. Gary said it wasn't that simple. Jon Hein came over to Gary's mic and helped out with some simple details. Then Jason was yelling stuff over to them to help them out as well.
Artie said this guy Mark Texeira is getting a bunch of shit for the way he's playing. He said they have headlines for him saying ''$185 million for this?'' and things like that. Artie told Howard about some of the other players on the team and how they're playing as well. Artie and Fred were both talking about a bunch of various things going on with the team.
Artie said that he's a huge Yankees fan and he fell asleep in the 5th inning. Howard said everyone who gets up early can't stay up to watch the friggin' game. Artie said it's ridiculous that they're playing in weather like this because one of these days it's going to snow.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Will is in trouble because there's no way they're going to lose this game. Howard had no idea what the guy was talking about. He said that he's disappointed in Howard for not being able to stay up to watch these games. Artie said he agrees but he's 42 now and he can't stay up either. He said he stared that job at 32 and now he's 42 and it's really tough.
Howard said he took his dog out for a walk at about 3 in the morning and he was out window shopping. He said he was beating off in the streets and no one even cared at that time of day.
The caller asked Howard who initiates the sex with him and Beth. Howard said he does it more but Beth will do it sometimes. He said that they'll lay down in bed and she'll rest her head on his chest. That's a sign that she wants to do it. He said last night she was all irritable and angry and just wanted to go to bed. Howard said she was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Howard said he wanted 5 minutes and he'd join her but she got all irritated and said she wasn't able to keep her eyes open. Howard said he knew that meant that it was a bad night to have sex. Howard said she used to initiate more but he does it more now.
Howard said sometimes she'll grab his penis and then he knows that she wants it. He said she'll sometimes just tell him she wants it too.
The caller asked if they have morning sex a lot. Howard said he does because that's when he's up. He said that they also drink on the weekends and that helps get it going. Howard said he has all four inches ready to go.
Howard said they're still doing the renovation on his apartment and he has nowhere to take a dump. He has the bathroom in that room but he doesn't want Beth to smell it so he has to find somewhere else to go. He said he used another bathroom and he got nervous making doody in there. He said he made a deuce and he rarely does that now that he's hardly eating. Howard said they have another 2 weeks to go before they're done.
Howard said he's been discussing this stuff with his psychiatrist and he tells him that he's got to calm down with the complaints about the renovation. Howard said it was supposed to be done on September 1. He said they were supposed to have a punch list by then but the construction is still going on. Howard said they have to get finished. Howard said they're doing beautiful work but he wants it done now.
Howard said he's not a yeller but these people are turning him into a shithead who has to yell. He doesn't want to do that but they're forcing him to. Robin said she just withholds their payment when she wants them to get work done faster. Howard said he's bad about that. He said he pays up right away and can't withhold money.
Howard played the next one which was ''Jack and ______ went up the hill...'' Dave said Beet wasn't going to get it. Howard asked Fred to lock in the answer but he didn't like the sound effect he had. He said he wanted something that was more dramatic. Fred tried some other clips but he had to stick with what he had. Beetle ended up saying something unintelligible.
The next one was ''I pledge allegiance to the _____'' Dave said he would know it. Beet said ''To the flag.'' Dave won the $711. Howard put the guy on hold and moved on. Robin wondered why they give away this ''Domo cup'' at 7-Eleven because it's a Japanese thing. Howard wasn't sure and asked her to stop asking questions. Robin wondered if they were owned by a Japanese company or something. Howard had no idea.
Howard said he used to go crazy watching Cribs when the guys would have all of the Bentley's in the driveway. Howard said they have no guidance in their life and they don't know how to spend their money. He said they sink their money into shitty cars.
Howard said his father came from the worst ghetto and he saved every cent he could. King said his father never came from the ghetto and he never even saw it when he was growing up. Artie started to do his impression of King as he was laughing about the ghetto.
Howard told King he had to go after that. King wanted some advice first. He told him he bought a 55 inch LED TV and when they delivered it they said he could put it on the wall for $150. He said the place that sent them out wanted to charge him $500. He asked Howard what he would do. Howard told him to give him the $150. King said if it falls off then he'd be responsible for it. Howard said if he does it through the store then the same guy is going to do it. Howard told him to do it and if anything happens then he should call the store and say he was confused and didn't know he wasn't supposed to do it.
Howard told King he can always call Al Sharpton to help him out if he has to go back to the store to complain. He said the store is owned by white people and they can go right after them. Howard came up with a scenario for that and did his impression of King talking to the store about the TV falling off the wall.
King asked if the people working on his apartment are all white guys. Howard said they're not all white. He said that the three guys there were all white but that's not all the time. Howard said that maybe the white guys are all supervising. Howard thanked King for the call and tried to get rid of him but King was throwing around some product names for him to get for his kitchen.
King told Howard to take a picture of his bathroom when it's done. Howard said he'll do that but he really doesn't even know what kind of appliances he has. King suggested getting certain types of appliances and Howard said he has no idea what he's putting in his place. King was telling Howard to get a glass refrigerator but Howard said you have to keep it all neat if you have a glass door.
King was also telling Howard some other stuff but he was having a hard time understanding. King said he was on his Bluetooth device so it was hard to hear. Howard did an impression of him talking into his phone and goofing on how awful he sounds when he calls in.
King told Howard about going to a doctor and how he did some shit to turn their daughter into a son. Howard asked how he did that. King said he's not sure but the baby is going to be a boy. King said the kid is going to be half Spanish with good hair.
Howard asked King what he's talking about with the sex change thing. King said he found out that he was having a girl and he was told about this guy in Edgewater, New Jersey who could do something to change that. He said they went for 2 visits and the guy was able to change the girl into a boy. Howard wondered what the hell that was all about. The guy charged them 11 grand to do it. King said his wife thinks he's an asshole and it was a mistake when they saw it was a girl. Robin said she thinks that it's a bunch of crap too.
Howard did more of his impression of King's awful phone connection and muffled his voice like it sounded this morning. Howard goofed on him about that for a couple of minutes. Robin said that's just what it sounds like to them today. King said he was about to walk into the house and he was on his Blackberry. Howard asked if it was on AT&T and King said ''Noooo'' like it was the worst thing in the world. King said he's on Sprint. He has the Blackberry Curve. Robin said she liked the Bold better. Howard said he likes the Blackberry Tour the best. He said it works perfectly everywhere. Artie said he has to get a computer that has google. Howard and Robin said they all have google.
Howard said listening to King is like listening to a guy in a wind tunnel. He did more of his impression and told King that his phone is really bad. King said he'll go upgrade his phone today. He said he'll try to get the Curve like Howard has. He wanted to get the same color that Howard had.
Howard told King he has Verizon service. He told King to stay away from AT&T. King said he can get a Tour on Sprint so he'll go with that. Howard goofed on King about having that Sprint service since King is always making fun of them about the products they have.
King said that Howard should get Beth pregnant because she'd look cute like that. Howard said Beth would not look cute pregnant. King wanted Howard to call her on the air and ask her if she wanted kids. Howard said he's not pushing his luck. Howard said he doesn't want a life chasing kids around. He already had that and he's not going to do it again.
King asked Howard how old his dog is. Howard said she's 8 and they don't have that long of a life span so he's kind of bummed out. Howard said if she dies it ain't going to be good. Howard said they're very attached to that dog. Howard said her eye is doing better too. Howard said Beth took her to a holistic doctor.
Howard said when this dog dies he's done with dogs. He said this is the last one he's going to have. Howard said the dog is like a human being and listens to things they say. Howard said the dog stays off of furniture and she's completely trained. She'll even walk away and sit by him if Beth tells her to go sit by daddy. Howard said the dog even plays chess.
Howard said Bianca was trained when they got her and that helped. Howard said if they could find one as good as this dog he'd get another one. Beth wants to get more dogs from North Shore Animal League. King told him not to do that because he's not the right one for those kind of dogs. He told him that's good for other people but not him.
King asked Howard if the dog is getting that white beard like old dogs get. Howard said their dog isn't getting that. He talked about his old dog Java and how she's like 12 now. Howard said she's still healthy and she's also another great dog. Howard said his kids are really attached to her. Howard said he can't go through the death of a dog. That's going to be really tough on him.
King asked who he thinks is going to go first out of his parents. Howard said that's just wrong... but if he could decide he would think about who could live easier without his help. Howard said he's weighed this out in his head many times. Howard said his mom has never even handled a check book so she'd be lost. Howard did an impression of his father yelling at his mother for not balancing the check book. He said that his dad is very well read and knows how to do all of that stuff so he took it all away from her.
Howard said that his father would hang his keys on a hook so he'd never lose them. He said that he'd want his mother to do the same and he'd yell at her about not hanging them up. Howard said everything to his dad has to make sense. He's a control freak. Robin said that's an OCD person who needs everything just a certain way. Howard said OCD is a mental hiccup but his father doesn't have OCD. He said he is obsessive but doesn't have OCD.
Howard said his father has an inventory of sardines and Jimmy Kimmel picked up on that the other day. Howard said his father takes two frozen pieces of bread and dumps the sardines on the bread and takes it to the track for lunch. He said the bread absorbs the oil and the bread defrosts. Artie said he that the food at the track is bad so he's making the right choice there.
Robin said it was interesting to hear Howard's parents talking about how they never eat desert and they have this schedule they stick to all the time. Howard said if his mom outlived his dad he'd have to step in and help her out more than he would have to help his father.
Howard said his mother says that she would give away her money to transcendental meditation. Howard said that they're not going to pay her heating bill for her though. Howard wondered how much time off he'd get for his parents passing away. He said he'd need at least a week.
King said he doesn't know what he'd do if his parents died. He said he can't live without them. He said he would kill himself. Howard read that he gets 12 weeks off if his parents get sick.
Howard said he thinks his mom would survive fine without his dad. He said he can imagine his dad not getting anything done and turning into a hermit. He said he needs both of them to be alive. King said that sometimes people like that end up dying close together because their love and bond is broken. Howard had to cut King off when he was talking about what his father was telling him last night. Howard said he couldn't take that phone connection anymore. He told King to call in on a hard line next time.
Howard let King go and goofed on him for a couple more minutes about the bad phone connection. Howard said he gets a headache from him when he's trying to hear him. Howard said he makes no sense anyway so it really irritates him. Howard said it must be weird when your dad dies and your mom goes out and finds a guy. Howard said he can't imagine his mother doing that. He asked Robin to do him a favor. He said if he dies then Beth is not allowed to be with anyone else. He said he doesn't want her to be happy with another man.
Artie said that there are web sites out there that predict that Bianca will outlive him. He said people are worried about his cholesterol.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a gay sex line using clips of him doing impressions of his mother having sex with someone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to give King a time limit when he calls in. Howard said the guy is interesting and funny but you can't understand a word he's saying on that phone. Howard did more of his impression of King with some echo on his voice.
The caller said he was reading that Rush Limbaugh's house was wroth just under $50 million. The guy said he got the address from a public web site and wanted to know if he wanted to give it out. Howard said he wouldn't do that. Howard said he can't believe that Rush has any audience. He said the guy was a loser his whole life and he never got anywhere until he tapped into the whole conservative thing. Howard said he claims that he innovated all of that like he's pretending that Bob Grant never existed. Howard said he hates to see that guy being successful.
The caller asked if he had anymore money to give away. Howard didn't and he had to take a break so he let the guy go and went to commercial.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about the winner of the NY City marathon Meb Keflizighi. The guy is a Stern fan and they spoke to him about that. Lisa said she spoke to him yesterday morning. Howard said the guy did that in 2 hours and 9 minutes which is very impressive. Robin said the last person just crossed the line at 28 hours. Artie said it took him 2 hours to drive to the Yankee game.
Lisa said Meb gave her some suggestions for Howard to get his ass into shape. Howard said he has done some stuff to try and get his ass better but it's not working. Howard said they call that kind of stuff plyometrics and it's not helping him.
Howard said he had a very inactive life after school. He said his mom let him out of the house but he was afraid to go out. Howard said there were things out there that he didn't want to deal with. Howard said he stayed indoors and never really did anything. He said his ass looks okay from the side but then he takes a closer look and it looks like there are indentations from softness. Howard talked about some of the stuff he does to work out and he just ends up getting hurt.
Lisa said that Meb wants to meet with Robin and talk to her more about Eritrea. Howard told her she should go out with him.
Lisa said she also spoke to a doctor about Will and his wife trying to have kids. Lisa said that there can be isolated islands in the testes where some sperm can live. Lisa said that they could have to go in surgically and look for them. Robin said the operation could take from 4 to 6 hours. Howard said the kid would feel guilty the rest of it's life. Will would make the kid feel guilty for going through something like that. Will came in and said that the doctor told him that the testicle is like a book and they go through it page by page. Howard asked him why he would do that. Will said he's not sure he will. He said it's really not all that important.
Howard asked Will if he would have a problem raising a black kid. Will said he'd be fine with it, especially if the kid was a good athlete. Will was just joking of course. He said he'd be fine with it though. Howard said he would donate some sperm if he wanted it. He told Will to take off his clothes so he has something to beat off to.
Will was figuring that the operation would cost him about 20 grand. He said that adopting a kid can cost $40,000 so it's not all that bad. Howard told him to just adopt a kid from another country or something. Artie said that he knows a guy at the port who could get him a kid today.
Howard and Artie did their King of All Blacks impressions talking about what kind of kid to adopt. Howard said Will is more of a man than he is. He said that he could never have his balls opened up to look for sperm. Howard asked Will if they could just find a sperm donor that would look similar to him. Robin said that they could use a family member to get her pregnant too. Will said he has a brother and uncles. Howard told him not to do that. He said that's just wrong. He told him to get a really smart and good looking guy's sperm from a sperm bank. Howard told him he can't have his brother do it because then it would be his brother's kid. Will said he is the closest to him genetically though. Howard said that's not right and he doesn't want his brother coming over and saying that it's his kid. Will said it's just an option.
Howard told Will to come to him privately and talk to him about this stuff. Howard said he needs to be involved in this decision. Robin said Howard's head is not on straight. Howard said he knows that it's almost off his neck but he ends to help Will out with this. Then he said that maybe it would be best if he didn't come to him for advice. He told Will that he should do what he wants.
Howard asked Will if he wants him to be the donor. Will said that they could put him into the mix. Howard asked if he really does want him in the mix. Will wasn't giving a straight answer so Howard told him to just tell him. Will said he'd be fine with Howard being the father. Howard said he'd have to think about that. Robin said Howard wouldn't like it because he's very possessive.
Howard said Will wouldn't take Gary's sperm. Gary wondered what it was they'd have to deal with. Howard said it's genetics. Gary said he was okay with that. He said the teeth thing could be a problem. Howard said between the teeth and the lips it would be tough. Howard said Gary doesn't have good hair either. Howard said Gary lucked out with his own kids because they got Mary's genes.
Artie asked who the worst donor would be in the office. Howard said he loves Gary but he wouldn't take his sperm. He said he's not the worst though. Gary told him to take everything into account. Howard said it would probably be JD. Then Howard said he'd take JD over Benjy. He said Benjy is disturbing. Gary asked where Sal falls into the mix. Howard said he's below JD too. Richard is below JD too. Howard said he would take JD above Sal and Richard. Artie said JD is a sweet kid and brighter than they think. Robin said that JD's personality isn't genetic.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy is at the bottom of his list. Artie is right down there too. He said that might be from the way he was raised. Artie said he was raised just fine. Howard said something went wrong in Artie's life and he wonders if it was his mother. Artie said he thinks that it was more about his father and not his mother. Howard said his own mother is the root of his problems. Howard said Artie is genetically okay though.
Artie said that Richard would be at the bottom of his list. Howard said he would be down near the bottom of his list too. He said he wasn't sure where Richard and Sal would be on the list. Howard said he would avoid a lot of people there. Artie said Benjy is very intelligent. Howard asked what makes him say that. Artie said he's spoken to him about stuff and he's smart. Benjy said he went to Penn State. Howard said he must be kind of smart to have gone there.
Howard said he barely speaks to Benjy so he doesn't know much about him. He said that Benjy showed up to dinner one night and he showed up late and didn't talk much during dinner. Howard said he really doesn't know how intelligent he is. Howard said he knows he's weird. Howard said he might want Richard before Benjy's sperm. Artie said the worst sperm donor would be Robin.
Howard asked Fred who he would use. Fred said that if you throw a rock in there you can hit some bad human wreckage. Robin said no one mentioned Jason. Howard said Jason has said that he doesn't want his own kids based on his genetics. Fred said he'd have to put Jason at the bottom of his list. He said that the world is about looks and Jason is right down there so he'd have to have him at the bottom of the list. Fred also said that Medicated Pete would be down there too. He has the Tourettes going for him.
Fred said he was sorry about that but he'd have to put Jason down at the bottom. He felt bad about that but went into details about why he'd have to pass. Jason said Fred is right and he's right about all of that stuff. Jason said he has a fat gene and he has too much body hair among other things. Howard said Jason looks good when he loses some weight. Jason has lost 35 pounds so he's working on it. Howard told him to get thin and he'll see how good looking he is. Jason said he hit 300 pounds back in April so that's why he's losing it now.
Jason said his fear of having a kid is for the kid to get back hair at 13 like he did. He said that chicks hate back hair. Jason said it doesn't matter how skinny he is because he's still covered in hair. Howard said chicks just say ''Ughkkk'' when they see that kind of thing. Howard said chicks really, really hate back hair.
Jason said he gets his back waxed in the summer sometimes but it only lasts about a month. He said his wife will touch his back more if he gets it waxed. He said he knows that she likes it when he gets it waxed. Jason said it's really long and black too so he can't even get it lasered off.
Jason said he's disgusted by his own body hair. He wondered what it is in his genetics that leads to him having so much hair. Howard asked to see his back. Jason took his shirt off and showed the hair and the baldness on his head. Jason said some of the hair on his back has stopped growing in after he got it waxed. He said the rest of it just keeps coming back though.
Howard asked Jason if he's ever tried Nair. Jason said he has and it smells really bad. He said you have to wipe it off and it's just gross. He said it smells bad and it only lasts like 2 weeks before it grows back. Howard told Jason he looks better now that he's losing weight. He said he's got a big belly on him too.
Robin asked about Steve Brandano and Jon Hein. Howard said they're fine too. Howard said he guesses that Benjy would be above Jason but he's not sure. He said it's hard to answer. Howard anted to move on and get away from that conversation so he went to break.
Howard came back and asked what happened to that band and Michael Stipe. He said Beth didn't know when he asked her. Howard said he thought he had a big career going. He said maybe he got caught up with some sexy ladies. Robin said she doesn't think that happened.
Howard said he had a million things to go through. He said that Artie always does that ''Wahhh!'' thing for people and this congressman Steven Latourette used ''Wah'' on the house floor. Howard played that clip and it sounded like he was doing an impression of Artie doing his ''Wah'' thing. Howard said his ''wah'' was annoying though. Artie said that it is election day today and his slogan would be ''Wah, my mayor shit his pants in a pig outfit... wah!''
Howard said he wants to vote today and he wants Bloomberg to be Mayor again. Howard said if he doesn't vote there's a chance he won't get in. Howard said he wants the guy to stay in office. Howard said he has to go vote but he wasn't planning on it because he's so busy. Howard said he wishes that he could text his vote in.
Howard said Kathy Griffin got to know Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin's daughter's ex-boyfriend, and Kathy went on a date with him. She claims that she knows a lot more about the Palin family now. Kathy was interviewed about it and she said she does know some other information and she won't talk about it. She said that she knows Levi has a bombshell that he's saving and it's something that could take a Presidential candidate down. Kathy said Sarah Palin should be nervous about it. Howard said he heard that Palin is secretly Jewish, that's what's going to take her down.
Howard played one clip where Ross was asking Sal if he believed that he didn't make money on his Halloween party. Sal said he did but he said he wants to be his friend but it's really hard. That went on and on. Howard said he loves arguing on the radio so he played some more clips of the two of them going at it. Ross wanted to start using the email system to talk to Sal because he's tired of dealing with him in person. Sal was saying that Ross has a way of projecting that makes it very tough to communicate with him.
Howard said Sal used the wrong term again in one clip. He said he said something about ''you sowed the seeds'' and that didn't make sense. Howard played that clip and tried to figure out what he was talking about. Sal was saying that he respects Ross but no one believed that. The way he was taking about him showed he didn't have any respect. That's when Sal brought up the ''you sowed the seeds'' line. He told Ross he gets back what he projects.
Robin said Sal thinks that he's giving Ross a lesson in that clip. Howard said he likes Ross and he doesn't see all of that stuff Sal was talking about. Howard said it sounds like Sal goes to Ross when he needs a ticket and he sees him as a user. Howard said Ross doesn't have time to suck Sal's balls either. Howard said he likes Sal too but he's not sure about all of that.
Gary came in and said that Sal kept saying over and over again about how Ross gets to go out and do all of this stuff and it seemed like jealousy to him. He said Sal says no to that but that's how it came off to him. Gary wondered why Sal is so obsessed with what other people get.
Howard said Ross doesn't answer to anyone, not even his wife, so maybe Sal is jealous of that too. He said Ross goes out to concerts, baseball games and stuff like that so maybe he's jealous of Ross' lifestyle.
Gary said Sal is also upset about how much time Howard spends with Ross. Howard said he's a good guy to hang with but Sal is just creepy. He said he likes Sal but he can't hang out with him for long. Howard said he starts in with the worshiping thing and his thoughts are just weird. Howard said he likes Sal and he can hang at a certain level but he can't have him over to his house.
Howard said Sal also pissed on his wife and went up and pissed on her again after promising that he never would. Sal came in and said that it's the way people rub off on you and Ross has a personality that doesn't work with him. Sal said that Ross belittles him in the way he speaks to him and he doesn't like that. Sal said it's the way the guy rubs off on him. He said he's sure that Ross is a good guy in some way because he has a great wife. He said he wants to get along with the guy and that's what he's tried to do.
Sal said Ross just rubs him the wrong way and he would like him to look at that and maybe try to fix it. He said he could have even more people liking him if he did that. Howard thanked Sal for that and tossed him out of the studio.
Howard said they only have 4 tracks on the second CD in the set. He said that it's Michael putting some songs together and trying to figure out how to make the song happen. Howard said its' actually kind of fascinating. Howard played some of the track where Jackson was coming up with some stuff for ''Beat It.'' Michael had a really high voice and Howard said he was so damaged. Howard said he guesses that he didn't even play any instruments so he sang it all. He was doing the bass part with his mouth.
Robin said that Michael does it all with his voice. Fred said that the guy was very talented even if he was kind of wacky. Howard said this track shows his genius pretty good. Fred said the movie is supposed to show how much of a genius he was too.
Howard had some other stuff to play like ''Wanna Be Startin' Somethin''' which was another demo track. Gary said that it was apparently a track that they had before Quincy Jones got a hold of it. It was missing a few things. Howard played that track as well.
Howard wondered how Michael's voice never changed. Robin said that some people have a falsetto voice. Howard said that he knows Unics that don't have a falsetto like that.
Howard asked Robin what a zygote is. Robin said that's what you get when the egg and the sperm join together. Howard said he bets that Robin wins on the episode of Jeopardy she was on. Howard asked her who won the last time she was on. Robin said she didn't remember who it was.
Howard said he could never go on Jeopardy and answer the kind of questions Robin answers. Howard asked her to ask him a question that they asked her. Robin didn't remember any of them. Howard said he wouldn't know how to answer them at all. Robin thought about it and wasn't able to come up with anything.
Howard said he thinks that it's bad if you can change the baby's sex. Benjy told Howard they can't change the sex. He said there are things that can make you look like a girl when you're a boy. Artie interrupted and said ''like a Mets shirt...''
Gary asked Howard a question about who discovered gravity. Artie blurted out the answer. Gary asked Howard a question about the scale that measures wind force. It's the Beuford scale. No one knew that. Howard said he's not sure that he would have come up with the Sir Isaac Newton answer fast enough.
Gary asked Howard some more questions about American Literature and movies. Howard told him to forget it, he can't answer any of that stuff.
Howard said he can't get one right. Robin got one right. Artie knew a couple of answers but he was busy eating pancakes so his mouth was full. Gary had a few more questions and Artie and Robin were able to answer them before Howard did. Howard told Gary to get out of there before people thought he was stupid.
Howard said Robin is smart with that zygote thing. Sean said that's why she's the Queen of All Media. Sean also said that Ronnie's height and age match up. He's 60 years old and 60 inches tall. Sean was trying to say some other stuff but he was stuttering up a storm so Howard had to let him go.
Howard asked if Ronnie had his birthday party at Rick's last week. Ronnie came in and said he doesn't have the time for it right now. He said it was supposed to be on Friday the 13th. Ronnie said he has to cancel it. Howard asked if the rest of them can still have it. Ronnie said that's fine with him. Ronnie has a family issue. Someone in the family is ill.
Howard said he had some new prank calls Sal and Richard did. They were able to get the word ''jigaboo'' on the air on one Swap and Shop show. Howard played that one where they read an email about a jigaboo jigsaw puzzle by the jigaboo game company. The host was laughing as he read it. Howard wondered if he knew what it said and that he shouldn't be reading it.
Then Sal called in and read off his item for sale and he trailed off as he was reading his item. Then he'd bring his voice back up and fade out again. Howard said Richard tried to do it too but the call went on too long so he had them cut that out. Richard actually spoke really slow in that call.
Howard said Richard also made a prank call to a guy selling deer urine. Richard called the guy and asked him how he got the piss. The guy said he had a lot in his back yard and he was able to get it from them. Richard asked how it smelled. The guy said he had the deer locked up and he was getting them into heat so they piss earlier than usual.
Howard and Richard talked about the pissing thing and how you get a deer to piss in a trough. Robin said they must have the floor at an angle. Howard said they must slip around in it. Robin said that they probably have it covered in hay.
Howard played more of the call where Richard said he likes the piss himself and he'd like to drink it or have the deer go on him directly. The guy said he could do anything he wanted. He said Richard could even shoot a video of his own if he wanted. The guy told Richard he'd even let him mount one of the deer if he wanted to. It would cost him just 50 bucks. Richard wanted to grab one of their penises so he could jerk it off. The guy said he wouldn't do that. Richard wanted to have one of the bucks mount him. The guy said he would do that if he signed a waiver. Richard said he'd be down within the hour or so to do that.
Howard said that actually wasn't a prank call. He said that was just a private conversation. Richard said he once got sprayed with bobcat piss by a friend of his. He said they had to go to a party after that and he just sprayed down with deodorant after that. Richard said they did that on Jackass one time and they had the guy hanging out with chicks who didn't know what that smell was.
Howard said it's too bad they didn't have any guests today. He would have worn his astronaut helmet today. Howard said the fans have been photoshopping pictures of him in his astronaut helmet. They had him on the moon and stuff like that.
Howard said they have to play Artie's Jimmy Fallon interview. He said that Jimmy Kimmel also interviewed Paris Hilton and he wants to hear that as well. He said it's remarkable to hear her talking about stuff. In one clip she was talking about all of the Halloween costumes she has. Howard played that and said it's weird that Jimmy sits there talking to her like a normal person. Jimmy is obviously speaking down to her in the clip and Paris doesn't even get it.
Howard said it's a mark of stupidity to go on TV and talk about these custom made costumes that you have when the economy is doing so bad. Howard said she doesn't seem to realize how dumb that is. Howard said listening to her talking about her lifestyle makes it sound naive to think that people would think she's charming.
Howard played more of Jimmy's interview with Paris where she invited Jimmy to her house for a Halloween party. Howard said he'd love to see what that party is about. He'd love to see what goes on at that house. Paris talked about the haunted house she was going to have set up in her house and how she has a nightclub set up in there as well.
Howard read that 30 Rock went on over in Germany and they got a 0.0 rating. Howard said that means that less than 5,000 people tuned in to watch the show over there. They probably just don't get it. Howard said Hasselhoff is huge there so what does that tell you?
Howard said he'd like to see Ass Napkin Ed's house. He said he might be kind of fascinating. Robin suggested having Wendy the Retard. Gary suggested Big Foot. Howard said he thinks Wendy might be the way to go. Howard said it would be funny to hear her doing her thing. Howard said Wendy would play drums and stuff like that to keep them entertained.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed calls their voice mail and leaves weird messages. He played some examples of those calls. He just calls and rambles on and on into the answering machine. He sings songs and stuff like that. Howard was trying to figure out what song Ed was trying to sing. He said it just goes on and on and it's like never ending.
Gary said he gets a Crazy Alice call, 20 Ass napkin Ed calls, a High Register Sean and then the rest of the day it's Ass Napkin Ed. He said he listens to everything because you never know what you're going to get. He said it's message after message and it goes on all day long.
Howard said he was going to cancel the Ass Napkin Ed Thanksgiving thing. He said that was kind of boring. He said he'd like to hear JD and his family. Gary asked Benjy where he goes. Benjy said he spends time with his parents.
Howard said he'd like to have JD out to his house for Thanksgiving but he has his daughters coming out. He has the whole family coming out there so he can't do that.
Howard said he'd like to hear Daniel Carver's family. Robin said his son was arrested for something. Gary said Daniel doesn't want to talk about it with them right now. Robin said she'd love to hear them at Thanksgiving. Howard figured that they separate their white and dark meat.
Howard said maybe the God Hates Fags people would be good. Gary said he wouldn't be able to stomach that. He said the 8 year old preaching about the fags needing to die just freaks him out.
Howard said they should have some kind of thanksgiving broadcast. Robin said that she's for Wendy the Retard. Howard said that might be good. Gary the Retard has no supervision at all. He said he would go with Daniel Carver. He ended up playing a prank call the guys made to Out Q the gay channel there.
Howard said maybe they could do a show with the Out Q people and the Daniel Carver family together. Howard said they could put JD and Jared's family together too. Maybe even a Riley Martin Thanksgiving. Gary suggested that they do a Thanksgiving special with a bunch of Wack Packers together. Howard said Sal and Ross' family might have to get together.
Howard said Madonna would be perfect for this. He said they could put a microphone in their home and listen in on that. Howard said maybe the Obamas with the Carver family. Artie said maybe Rush Limbaugh eating all alone in a 32,000 square foot home. Howard said he'd listen to that. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and told Fred he should have just played some more music. He was having a meeting with Gary and JD. JD said he had some more news fuck ups for him to play. Howard asked where they were so he could play them. He had one where a news anchor screwed up and called Jesse Jackson ''Al Sharpton.'' She told him she knew who he was but her script said that it was Al Sharpton. She apologized to him for that when he corrected her.
Howard said that Jackson must have been pissed about that screw up. He spent a minute talking about what must have been going through his head when he heard himself called Al Sharpton. JD was about to leave but Howard told him to stick around. JD said he was trying to read the ''room vibe.''
Ralph called in and asked when people started taking Al Sharpton seriously. Howard said they don't really take him that seriously, he's just good on TV. Howard said he used to have him on and he's kind of funny in a buffoonish Amos and Andy kind of way.
Howard asked JD what else he had. JD wasn't sure. He said there was one clip where Regis said ''cunt'' on the air. Howard played that one next. Howard said that's not Regis' image. In the clip Regis was talking about a Halloween costume and said ''Halloween cunt'' instead. He quickly corrected himself.
Howard had an ABC reporter saying ''cock.'' Howard played that one next. The reporter said ''pit cock recorder'' or something like that.
Howard had a clip of a sports reporter saying semen instead of season. Howard and Artie did their Beavis and Butt-Head impressions after hearing that one. Howard said he wishes that they had continued those cartoons because they were so great. Howard said the movie was great too. He said he has to watch that one again.
Howard had a clip of Harry Reed saying ''White whore'' instead of White House. He quickly played that one and then one where a sports reporter said ''play cock'' instead of ''play clock.''
Howard didn't know what the sports reporter was talking about when he mentioned a certain term. Gary tried to explain it and Artie told him he was wrong so JD was laughing at it like it was something hysterical. Howard said JD laughs at everything. He said he must laugh at the stupidest comedy movies too.
Howard goofed on JD's shirt too. JD said it was a glom box shirt. Howard said it was a butter face shirt. He said girls must really dig that. JD said they actually don't. Howard said he's never going to get into anyone's pants wearing a shirt like that.
JD said he's at work so the shirt doesn't matter there. Howard said that place is crawling with hot chicks and he should wear something nicer than that.
Howard said he heard that one of JD's favorite movies of all time is ''Look Who's Talking.'' JD said it's not one of his all time favorites but he does think it's funny. That led to Artie making fun of JD laughing at that movie like De Niro did at Problem Child in Cape Fear. Artie goofed on JD about all of that for a couple of minutes. Howard said JD will come in laughing at anything.
JD said he didn't like Look Who's Talking 2. He said that they screwed that one up. He said he did like Bruce Willis' voice acting though.
Howard told JD he kind of likes that shirt he's wearing but the girls aren't going to dig it. Robin said it really doesn't do anything for her. Howard asked JD if there are any other shirts that won't turn the chicks off. JD said he doesn't like a lot of the stuff they get. Howard said he noticed that JD wears that shirt like 3 or 4 times a week. JD said he wears it maybe once a week. Howard said on those days very few women talk to him. JD said women don't talk to him any other day of the week either.
Gary told Howard about a Cheetos shirt that JD wears too. Howard said he should be paid to wear that shirt. JD said he wears that shirt because back in high school his nick name was ''Cheesy'' because he once said ''It ain't easy being cheesy'' so that's why he has the Cheetos shirt. Howard said that must have spread through the school like wild fire.
Howard asked JD when they started calling him cheesy. JD said it was when he started Drama so it was probably Sophomore year. Robin said they used to call him Cheesy DABA (Da Bad Ass). JD thanked her for bringing up the DABA thing. Howard said that a guy on a motorcycle with a chick on the back is a bad ass. JD isn't a bad ass. Howard said he's a soft ass if he's anything.
Artie goofed on JD again by bringing up the Shaggy D.A. movie and saying that JD found that one hilarious. JD said that one was before his time but Artie went on and on goofing on JD about liking stupid movies like that.
Howard said a bad ass also wouldn't get robbed on a train for his iPod. Howard asked JD why people thought it was so great to call him cheesy. JD said it was the people in his drama group who did that. It wasn't the whole school.
Howard asked JD what the funniest movie was. JD said he liked ''Kentucky Fried Movie'' and ''The Naked Gun'' among a few others. They goofed on him some more and then brought Steve Langford in.
Steve also said that Letterman's show beat the Leno show's ratings on Monday night. Steve said that Letterman did a 3.2 and Leno had a 3.0 and Conan had a 1.6. Steve had some other ratings info and a lot of the affiliates are losing out to CBS stations. Leno's show is killing the affiliates. Artie was joking around as JD again saying that his favorite show is the Leno Show. He said he puts that show on one screen and the Shaggy D.A. on another screen.
Steve said that Scott DePace will be off of work all week because his two sons may have swine flu. Steve said the campaign to elect Artie as Mayor of Hoboken is still on and they have details on how to cast that vote. Artie may not like it but they're still pushing for him to be Mayor.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Robin read a story about a woman in Wisconsin who called 911 and turned herself in for driving drunk. She had the audio from her 911 call. Artie said he's never been that drunk. Robin said she had an alcohol level of .17 so she was more than twice the legal limit.
Angry Black called in and said that Al Sharpton is not amusing like Howard said he was. He said that King of All Blacks is amusing because he's a buffoon, not Al Sharpton. Howard said people do like to laugh at Al Sharpton. Angry said that people say that about King all the time.
Angry asked Howard a Godfather 2 question that he wasn't able to answer. Artie knew that it was Danny Aiello who was in that scene. Angry Black said that he always talks to Danny about the show when they get together at his comedy club.
Robin read a story about a church trying to stop 12,000 pages detailing sexual abuse in the church. Robin said that they're trying to get that stuff released to the public but the church is trying to keep it under wraps. Robin had some details about what Archbishop Egan was doing to cover up while he was Archbishop. They were just moving priests around to cover up.
Robin read a story about a guy in Saudi Arabia who is going to be beheaded for raping some children. Robin also had a story about a guy who was duped out of his lottery winnings by the owner of the store. The owner told him that it was only worth $2 and took the ticket and cashed it in for the full winnings. The guy who had purchased the ticket won't be getting his money and the owner of the shop has since disappeared. They did find the account of the guy who took the ticket.
Robin read a story about a guy who ran over his daughter with his car. The 20 year old woman has died from her injuries. Robin said that they have charged the dad with running her over in a parking lot. They had some audio of a police department spokesperson talking about the incident. The woman was in a coma for the past couple of weeks. The father apparently ran over her because she had become ''too westernized.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who suggested they have Ross and Sal handcuffed together for the Thanksgiving special and they have to try and figure out where to go for dinner. Howard said that will never happen. Another caller said that he really enjoyed the Rosie O'Donnell interview. Another caller said he liked the Hulk Hogan interview on Howard TV. That guy was also asking if they could get that American Idol contestant Donkey on the Jay Leno Show to do the Green Car challenge. Howard wasn't sure who this Donkey guy was so he gave up on trying to figure it out.
Robin got back to her news and read some details of last night's World Series game. She had some audio clips of some players talking about the game as well.
Another caller gave Howard some details on the beheading thing and the crucifixion that they do over in those countries like Saudi Arabia. Howard thanked him for that and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin said that some people would like instant replay to be used more during baseball games. Howard said he thinks they should use it like they do in football. Robin said that the technology has gotten so great they can show you exactly where the ball goes over the plate and stuff. Artie said there have been some bad calls in the post season so he agrees with Howard.
Robin read about some warnings for some foods. She said that there is some packaging that can cause problems because of some of the chemicals used in certain plastics. Howard said he likes this Consumers Union that does this testing. He said they're not sponsored by anyone so they will report on stuff like this. Robin said that they found some of these PBAs in certain foods that are packaged in certain ways. Howard said people should subscribe to their magazine (Consumer Reports) so they can keep going with these kind of studies.
Robin had some election and voting news updates. She read about the same sex marriage referendum up in Maine that's going on today. She had some audio of a guy talking about that. Robin said they also have a bunch of Mayoral elections going on around the country today. Robin said that the big one is the New York City election. Robin read about the New Jersey election for governor and also for the Atlanta Mayoral election and it would be the first white person in office since 1973 if this woman wins.
Robin had a clip of a woman talking about how young kids can be affected by things they see on TV. They found that TV exposure can lead to kids being more aggressive. The woman suggested not putting a TV in the same room with the kids and to keep them out with the rest of the family. Robin said they're just saying TV in general is bad, it's not even the content. Howard said he doesn't have any aggressive behavior and he watched 8-10 hours of TV a day. He said he has no problems. Artie goofed on JD again about liking the show Alf like it was so funny. He and Howard kept that up for a few minutes talking about hilarious comedy movies like ''Police Academy 6.''
Robin read a story about a guy who has been charged with stalking Ryan Seacrest. Howard said these stalkers always stalk the biggest shitheads. He said there are so many assholes out there who are just so dumb. Howard said the stalkers don't even know this stuff is wrong. Howard did an impression of what a guy like that would say if he was trying to get close to him. Howard said they say they're trying to do something nice for you and try to get close to you in any way they can. Howard's impression of the Seacrest stalker sounded like Johnny Fratto for some reason.
Robin read that the Phillies are ahead of the Yankees in the ''who's the sexiest ball player'' poll on People Magazine's web site. Robin read about who has the biggest votes in that poll.
Robin read that Jay Leno is talking about the challenges that he has with this new show he has. Robin said that he's admitting he would have liked to have stayed in his old time slot. Robin said Leno would have no problem taking that old slot back from Conan. Jay also thinks that his successor is doing fine up against David Letterman. Jay also commented on Letterman in this interview Robin was talking about. Robin read that Leno has been steadily dropping in ratings since his start this summer. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Will came in and said that it kind of came out in a weird way. He said he's holding up fine but his wife would probably prefer that he not talk about it. He said he will answer the questions from Howard though.
Will said he doesn't want to talk to anyone there about this stuff. He said that Lisa G has been helpful with it though. Will said that he'd like to hear from people who have been through it instead of people who don't know about it.
Jon said he had no idea how expensive that stuff can be. Gary said that he knows someone who spent over $150,000 on invitro fertilization and it never worked. Will said he gets nervous about blowing that kind of money when there are so many unwanted kids out there.
Jon said that Will has thought this stuff through quite a bit already. Will said he's not just going to listen to what Howard says on the air if he goes through with having his brother use his sperm. Jon asked what he thought of Howard offering his sperm. Will said that was very generous. He said he's not sure if he would take anyone's sperm there. He didn't want to say anything because it was a tough question.
Jon asked Will who the last person is that he'd take sperm from. Will said there are a lot. He said he intends to agree with Howard about Jason Kaplan. He said that Jason has some serious mental issues. Jon said that Jason listed a bunch of reasons why he would be a bad pick and showed his back and other things.
Gary said he knew that Jason was hairy but he had never noticed the ring of hair around his neck. He said that it's a perfect ring below his neck that his shirt covers. Will said he saw it a lot when he was living with Jason. He said they had so much hair in the bathroom it looked like a carpet. He said Jason sheds.
Jon and Gary figured that Jason would get over it and he would have kids eventually. Gary said that Jason can figure out what he did wrong in his life and get over it. Gary said he should be fine if he does have kids. Jon said he's spoken to Jason about it and he's said that he and his wife don't want kids.
Jason was in the studio and said that he has a very low opinion of his physical attributes and he's barely a man. He doesn't want to pass on anything that he has to a son because he's unathletic, he can't talk to girls, he can't meet any and all of that. Gary said he found a girl. Jason said that he's everyone's friend and he can't pick up chicks.
Jason said if his Jason Jr. came up to him and asked him how to pick up kids he'd just say he doesn't know how to either. Gary said that he'd be surprised how the kids can figure that stuff out on their own. Gary said that there's a chance that you can have a kid that's an exact replica of you but it could end up looking like his wife.
Jason said he wonders why his parents got together to procreate. He said he has the opposite desire to have kids like Will does.
Jason said that he and his wife have talked about the kid thing. He said he's never doubled up on condoms but they have both been on birth control to make sure that they don't have kids. Jason said that he can't relax thinking that he might have kids. He said he even pulls out when he has a condom on. Jason said he likes the way things are now so he can just go home and watch TV, participate in recreational activities and stuff like that.
Jason said he doesn't think that he could ever love an adopted child like you would with your own. He said that Howard is right about it and he's not just saying that from listening to the show. Jason said that you'd look at the kid like a stranger all the time. Benjy said that he thought about it that way too but you could think of it like having a dog.
Jason said a dog is like a perpetual baby and they stay cute. He said that they're easy to love. Will asked if a kid isn't easy to love. Jason said he's not sure. Gary said that once you have a kid then things change. Gary said that you will get attached to it. Jason said he really doesn't think that he could love an adopted kid like he would with his own. Gary said it wouldn't be like that all the time.
Jason said if he and his wife, Janis, had any problems getting pregnant he would go right for adoption. He said he doesn't want to pass on those genes as it is so he'd go right for adoption and he'd hope that he'd love the kid just as much. Gary thinks he would.
Jon asked Will if this has changed his thoughts on the kid thing yet. Will said it hasn't because he has an adopted sister so he knows what that's like. Will said that it's never been an issue. Jason said he's never dealt with it either so these are just this theories on what it would be like.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's a good chance that Jason wouldn't pass on his bad genes to his kids. He said his wife might pass them on.
The caller said that he had calf implants at one point and that didn't work out too well. Gary asked him what it was about his calves he didn't like. The guy said people used to point and laugh at his skinny calves so he had to do something. The guy said that the operation went wrong and they were too big. He said he was in the hospital and almost lost both of his legs after that. He said it was like a six grand operation.
Benjy asked if he was a handsome man who was only missing the calves. He said that he wouldn't say that. The guy told Jason that he could get laser surgery to remove the hair from his back. Jason said that they told him the hair is too dark and they'd have to go over it like 2 or 3 times or possibly a dozen.
Ralph called in and said that calf implants is the funniest thing. He also asked Will if he's really in a position to have kids now. He said that Howard isn't saying he's coming back yet. Will said he would move out of the city if he had to. Will said he'd be able to find a job somewhere. He's not sure that he'd be homeless or anything. Ralph said that having kids is an incredible responsibility and you have to have all of your ducks in a row. Jason said that weighs on him too.
Ralph asked Will about the sperm thing. Will said that he doesn't have any sperm because he had chemotherapy when he was younger. He does shoot out goo though so it's not like nothing comes out.
Ralph said he's adopted and he's sure that his mom loves him. He said he never had that feeling of wondering who his real parents were. He said he's very happy that he was adopted. He said his father wasn't a real father to him though. He said it's easier for him to dismiss that because the guy wasn't his real father either. Gary asked if he felt unloved by him because he was adopted. Ralph said he's not sure why he was an asshole, he just was.
Ralph also told Jason that the reason he might be saying this is because he's on a lot of medication and he tends to blurt stuff out all the time.
Jason asked Ralph if he's ever questioned why he was put up for adoption. Ralph said he never has thought about that and he doesn't want to know the answer. He said he's not sure that the answer he'd get would be something he'd want to know.
Benjy said that there is some weird sexual attraction that adopted kids have to their biological siblings. The guys thought he was out of his mind but Jason said that Robin did read a story about a couple that found out they were siblings when they had their blood tests done.
Gary said he remembers having a couple booked on the show who were siblings and they were getting married. He said it's fuckin' creepy when something like that happens. Gary said it shouldn't be legal to do something like that. Benjy said that it's kind of the same with gay couples though. Jason said it's really nothing like that.
Jon asked Jason about the way Fred said that Jason would be the worst donor for Will. Jason said he agreed with Fred and Fred later apologized for what he said about him on the air. He came back to the office and told him he was the greatest guy. Jason said Fred didn't say anything on the air that he hasn't said about himself before so he was fine with it.
Jon played a clip from the show where Fred was talking about Jason and his bad genes. Jon said before that there were many names being thrown around. JD's name came up a couple of times. Later in the show they picked apart his laughing. JD said he thinks that everyone is funny and he can be easily amused with certain people. Gary asked if he was offended when they were talking about him being a sperm donor and said that maybe things would have gone better if he wasn't raised by the people who raised him. JD said his parents were fine as parents. He said he doesn't want to get any calls from anyone asking why he was bad mouthing them on the show.
Jon asked JD if he really laughed at Ronnie the first day he started there and Ronnie had to yell at him. JD said he was a big fan of the show and Ronnie was acting all tough and he may have laughed. Jason said he was there for that and it was so funny because JD was whooping. They had never heard that noise before so it came as a surprise to all of them.
The guys wondered if the rift between JD and Ronnie stated way back then. Gary didn't think that was it at all but he wasn't sure.
Jon asked JD about his shirt and why he wears that Butterface thing to work. JD said he comes in late at night and he's there alone for hours and hours. JD said that he usually just sees the janitor for most of the time he's there. JD said he might see someone in the kitchen making something to eat but that's about it.
Jason said JD never had a suit or anything and he just throws stuff together at the last minute. JD said he never knew you had to have a jacket to make a suit. He thought it was okay to just have a dress shirt.
Jon asked JD if he was upset by Artie doing his impression of him throughout the show. JD said it was okay at first but then it just kept going on and on and on.
JD said he did like Look Who's Talking and it was entertaining to him. Jason asked how many stars he gave it on his Netflix account. JD said he gave it 4 stars. He said that he had given it a 5 out of 5 but he dropped it down to a 4. JD said Jon Hein is the Netflix Nazi over there so he had to drop it after he gave him a hard time about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal has a real creepiness factor to him and he would probably be the last one to be on the sperm donor list. He said he might be even worse than Jason. Gary said that they did talk about that a little bit today. They talked about his intelligence and about how he might be given a break because he is okay looking.
Benjy asked the guys if they would take sperm from a friend if they had the offer. Gary said he's not sure about that. Benjy said that he knows a lesbian couple and one of them wanted his sperm and the other one didn't. He said he was honored but he's not sure if he would do it. Jason asked why they came to him. Benjy said they're fans of the show so maybe that had something to do with it even though they knew him way before they knew the show.
Jason said he could never look at a kid if his brother donated his sperm. He said that would just freak him out too much. Jason said he doesn't care about being genetically close to the kid like that. He said that he doesn't want to raise his brother's kid like that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she has a biological daughter and an adopted daughter. She said that you don't have to think about this stuff so much. Gary said that you do have to think a lot about kids though. She said that once you have them though you just love them. She told the guys that she wanted to improve the life of another child from another country. She said she loves them equally. Jason found that hard to believe. Jon found that disturbing.
The woman said that when you're flying the kid home you do wonder if you're doing the right thing but now she realizes that she did.
Gary said he and his wife were talking about adopting as an option just in case they weren't able to have kids. Gary said he thought about adopting even after they had their two. He said his wife thought he was nuts though so they didn't do that.
Jason said he's not sure that he's loved as much as the rest of his siblings. He said that he might rank last. Jon told him that he's really damaged.
The woman on the phone said that you have to show the kids that you can still have a life too. She said that you can't let them rule your life. She said that you can speak rationally to a 1 year old and it will eventually sink into them over the years. She said that her kids treat each other great too and it's really not what they think it is. She said that her adopted daughter is Asian and that gives it away if people are wondering if they're her biological kids.
Jason said that adopting is a great thing and he likes that people do it but you have to do some research to find out where these kids are coming from. He said that you can end up with a really damaged kid.
Jason asked the woman if it would be tougher to get rid of a biological kid over and adopted kid if you ended up with one of them damaged. He said it would be easier to give up the adopted kid over the biological kid. Jon asked if this was supposed to be some toy of the shelf or something.
Will said that he knows now that Jason will be judging him if he does adopt a kid. Will said you have to be careful about what you say on the air because it can be obnoxious. He said that he has a sister that's adopted and he can't just say that they're second hand people. Jason said that's not what he was saying. These are just his fears and thoughts. He said that he's not saying that they're not loved but there is a reason people try to have a biological kid before adopting a kid.
Jason said the fucked up shit in his head makes him think that people who adopt a kid can't love that child like they do with a biological child. He said that some people have the desire to pass along their genes to a kid and they can love that child easier. Gary said it doesn't matter once that kid gets home. Jason asked why more people don't adopt then. Jason said he really didn't want to talk about this anymore because he doesn't have kids and he's just talking out of his ass and pissing Will off.
Jason said he's all for adoption and it's an excellent thing. Jon said that he's saying that it's a second best thing. He said he's not saying they're all second best though. He said that most people try to have kids first and adoption is second best. Gary said that's just the ''next'' option, not the second best option. They had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jason was getting close to being in Sal territory with the stuff he was saying today. He said he was being very bullheaded about it and wasn't willing to listen. He said that if he and Will had the discussion and it just screamed Sal when he was talking the way he did.
The caller also asked why they don't play the Rich Nerd song anymore when Jon goes into the studio. Jon said he wasn't sure about that.
Jon said with Jason he feels really bad for him. He said that his low self esteem is rough. He said that he's so hard on himself and he has to be on the happy pills because of that. Gary said that he wonders if there are other reasons for him not wanting to have kids like maybe he's selfish. Maybe they don't want to ruin the party by having kids. Jon said that it is 24/7 once you have kids and it does radically change your life.
Jon said there are people who have kids and don't end up spending a lot of time with the kids. He said if they have the money they can keep going out and doing what they were doing before.
Gary said he was watching a show years ago about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez and they had their kids narrating the show. At the end of the show they had a 300 pound black woman. They showed her and the kids said that she raised them just as much as their parents did.
Shuli said that Howard used to mock Gary about having to spend so much time with his kids. Gary said that he and his wife didn't get to go away by themselves for a long time while they were raising the kids. He said that he liked doing that though.
Gary said that Robin knew what it was because she was in the medical field. Gary said he knew what it was too and Howard may have been overly impressed by her knowing that.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks would do well against Robin in a Jeopardy game. Artie's name came up because he is able to remember stuff really well. Gary said that Artie might be one of those people who just remembers stuff that he likes and if he had to watch something he didn't like, he wouldn't remember it.
Gary said that Benjy doesn't seem to know a lot about pop culture and he's shocked when he doesn't know a popular movie. Gary asked Benjy if he watched The Godfather. Benjy said Gary gave it to him about 5 years ago so he did watch that one.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Will thing again. He asked why they think this won't go away. Gary said when you hit a nerve on the show it sticks around. The caller said this is all about Howard begin a master of instigation. He said that Ronnie should be pissed at Howard about the way he treated them last week. The guy said that it's all about Howard and he's not sure why it's not brought up more.
Shuli said Ronnie is really down lately and it's depressing to see him like that. He mentioned that he looks like a guy from ''One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest'' and Benjy said he's never seen that movie. Benjy said that it is on TV a lot so he should check it out.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Jeopardy is like Stump the Booey and it's just not the same when you play along. Gary said that Win Fred's Money and Stump the Booey is easier for them because they're on their home turf. He said that when a fan walks into the studio they may be thrown off by seeing Howard in person. Gary said the person that can block all of that out is the one who will do well.
Gary said he did Rock and Roll Jeopardy one time and it's on the same set of Jeopardy and you have to wait for the light to come on before you hit the buzzer. He said that it really came down to hitting the buzzer at the right time.
The guys were also talking about the bobcat urine thing that Richard talked about and how odd that was. Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they could get Jason not to shave for a month or so just to see how hairy he is. Gary said that might be good. He said that Jason would do it because he does love the show so much.
Gary said that Jason likes to show his back hair to show just how bad things are. Shuli said Jason should have to take off his shirt every time he goes into the studio just like JD's techno music is played every time.
Shuli also threw out Sour Shoes as a name for the Thanksgiving special. The guys spent a minute talking about that and some of the other people they'd like to hear on that special. Jeff the Vomit Guy might be another one because his whole fetish was started when his cousin threw up after Thanksgiving dinner. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was wondering why they do the show so early in the morning. He said he's losing his perspective. He wasn't able to get out of bed this morning and he was so tired. He said he was able to sleep but he had a hard time getting up. Robin said she hates getting up in the cold. Howard said it hasn't been so bad yet but it is going to get cold soon. Robin said it makes it even tougher getting up.
Howard said they should start the show at 7 or so instead. Robin said they should do it at 9. Fred said 7 would be good. Howard said 7 or 7:30. Howard said if they did from 7 to 11 they'd be fine. Robin said they should move with their natural sarcadian rhythm. She said you get up with the sun and go to sleep with the sun. Howard said the sun comes up around 7. Robin said that they would get up at 7 and maybe start at 8.
Artie said it really is hard to get up when it's dark and cold. Howard said no one would care if they did that because they repeat the show all day. Howard said the news is different if they do the show in the afternoon. He said the big news today is that Mayor Bloomberg won and it's kind of old in the afternoon. Robin said they would just cover the afternoon news then.
Howard said he votes at the same place every year and he can't even remember what street it's on. Howard said he tried to go out disguised yesterday but people still recognize him. He said that they still come up to him and say ''Hey Howard.'' Robin said that it's because he's so tall. She said that he's very easy to pick out in a crowd.
Howard said it's wild to go out and have so many people recognize him. He said he's very happy that he's famous but it's tough to go out and do anything. He knows he's going to get letters about that and it's not a terrible burden. He said that he's not complaining, he's just shocked that so many people know him. He said he's bombarded by people and it becomes a thing where he can't concentrate.
Howard said the fans know them very well because the show is so personal and he doesn't want to avoid them. He said that it would be awkward. He said that he wasn't able to remember where the school was that he goes to vote at. He was embarrassed by that. It's just a few blocks away and he still doesn't know where it is. He said he'd like to be able to walk down to the village or something but he can't do it. He'd like to see what's going on in Manhattan but Beth tells him he's crazy.
Howard said he took a cab to the voting place and finally found it. He said he had just taken a shower since he had worked out so his hair was wet. He said his age hasn't been kind to him so he doesn't look so hot with his hair wet. Howard said he went in and voted for Mayor Bloomberg. He said he's glad he did because the vote was closer than they expected. Howard said he read about this guy who was running against Bloomberg and he read that he didn't do his job very well. Howard said this guy Thompson was the head of the board of education and a controller and he had a mixed record according to the Daily News. Howard said he thought it was ''Comptroller'' and not Controller. They wrote ''controller'' in the paper. Howard wondered who is writing the Daily News.
Howard said he went in and voted for Bloomberg and whenever he votes he usually gets a red card to find out where he lives. He didn't get that this year. Howard said his father drilled it into him that he has to vote and he was going to skip it yesterday. Howard said he had to go and vote because he was afraid that Bloomberg was going to lose. Robin said Bloomberg spent like $100 million on the election and he may have needed to do that. Howard said some people were angry with him for changing the term limits. Robin said the whole flip flop on that has pissed some people off about him. He was for term limits in the past and then overturned them when he was in office.
Robin said that they have term limits already and it's just not voting for the guy again. Howard said he likes the way things have been going with Bloomberg and he's been doing a good job. He figured he had to go out and vote for him. Howard said the whole process of voting is so unscientific. The lady didn't know who he was. He said he just had to sign his name and didn't have to show her his license.
Howard said the lady helping him was overwhelmed even though it wasn't busy. He said no one was voting but she was overwhelmed. Howard said she told him he was left alone and another woman was saying she was on her lunch break and she'd be done in 5 minutes. Howard said they all seemed very stressed out. He told them to take their time and it was okay.
Howard said he gave his name and the woman said that there sure were ''a lot of you'' when he gave her his last name. Howard said she also thought he was Howard K. Stern at one point.
Howard said he was voting and the woman asked him if he was an actor. Howard said he was just trying to vote. He said he voted for Bloomberg as a republican but he could have voted for him as an independent. Howard said he should have voted independent but he wasn't sure if he could undo it or not. Howard said he voted all democratic except for the mayor. Howard said he didn't even know who most of the people were.
Howard said he finished voting and someone called ABC TV and he walked out and had camera's in his face. Howard said some woman was outside yelling that she knew that he was there. He was going to stop and talk to her because she was such a big fan but he ran into his car so fast. He said that the guy asked him if he was hanging out at schools for the underprivileged. He said it was obvious he was just there to vote. Howard said he should have told them he was there dealing drugs. Robin said he should have said he was there looking for his next wife. Howard said he could have said he was there to see the cheer leading tryouts.
Howard said he didn't stop to talk to the reporter. He said he would have been on TV with his wet hair looking like crap. He didn't want anything to do with that. Howard said if he knew the reporter was going to be there he would have worn his astronaut helmet. He had that in the studio so he put it on and showed Robin what he would have said to the reporter. Howard said that's what he should have done. He told Robin what he would have said if he was in the helmet.
Howard said he would have told them that he's an astronaut like Imus is a cowboy. Howard said that's how he's going to dress from now on. He said he's going to start a cancer camp for kids just like Imus too. Howard said he'd have the kids mining asteroids instead of a ranch. Howard talked about sending the trouble makers to Mars and things like that. Howard had his helmet on the whole time he was talking about this so his voice was kind of muffled as he was telling Robin all of this stuff.
Howard said they have a lot of costs for fuel for their space ship but they just use the dead kids for fuel. Howard said he likes to get all the glory from that so that's why he dresses up like an astronaut. Robin was asking Howard questions like she was a reporter and he was answering in his helmet. Howard said he wished that he had grown up in space instead of where he grew up. He said he would have rather have had no oxygen where he grew up. Howard said the kids learn that when you jerk off in space your cum just floats away.
Howard said he had to lift his visor. He said he was going to pass out in that stupid outfit. Howard took it off because it was just too much. He said it was weird because when he was in there he could see perfectly. He said he didn't realize he had his glasses on.
Howard said he's thinking of carrying that helmet around with him. He said he might bring it to the charity event he's going to with Beth soon. Howard said she may not like it but then again she might have to let him just do his own thing.
Howard said Beth is having her period lately and he was thinking that it must be coming to an end soon. He tried to get her to initiate sex last night but she wasn't doing it. Howard said he's not sure how she can resist. He asked what woman wouldn't want him standing there in his underwear. Howard said he voted too so that must have turned her on. Howard said he hates that he's so super conscientious that he had to go out and vote. Robin said she wasn't even able to vote, she forgot about it.
Howard said people actually died for our right to vote. Howard said he loves being alive and has to take advantage of that. Robin said that she's a woman and she's black so a lot of people died for her right to vote even more than for Howard. She said that they do take it for granted. Robin said that she usually does vote but she just wasn't able to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why they're pitching to this guy Utley in the World Series. Artie had some thoughts on that and said that Ryan Howard is up after him. Howard said that you can't walk a guy every time. Howard said the guy would get on base. Artie said the guy up after him is an amazing home run hitter so you can't walk the guy all the time.
The guy ended up telling Howard that he had cancer and he had to have hip and shoulder replacements. He said that he also needs an ankle replacement. He said he has two hip replacements already. He said he had chemotherapy for 5 days a week. He said that the radiation and chemo just ate away a the cartilage. He also lost his teeth and he had to stop doing construction. Howard asked how old he is. He said he's 53 and the cancer got him at 42.
The caller said that all of his joints are messed up from all of that. The caller said in 10 years he's had 12 surgeries. The guy said he's on disability because he had no choice. He said his wife works for Disney and without her he'd be in big trouble. Howard asked if he's able to get it up. He said he's on some drug that helps him out but he's lost a lot of sensation down there. Howard said he bets that Angelina Jolie could get him up.
The caller asked what kind of work they did in Howard's apartment. Howard said they did a remodel of a lot of it and the hang up seems to be that the molding's that he has are in a high gloss finish and they can't get it done. The caller said he used to be a builder and they never ran over like that unless they ordered some strange appliances.
Howard said he just wants to get into the apartment. The stuff they're working on is stuff they work on outside of the apartment so they should be able to get it done. Howard said he's been wondering when they're going to get it done and make it happen. Howard said they told him that they should be done in a week and a half or two weeks.
Howard said he was going to play a game with that guy but he was going on and on too much. He had to hang up on him.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to make a concession speech today. He said they should call the mayor and do that today. Artie said that he'd have one person in a room if he did that. The one guy would probably boo him and Artie would have to say that he has to support the other guy. Howard said the winner is Dawn Zimmer. Artie lost to a woman. Artie seemed fine with that though.
Howard said he's not sure when his apartment is going to be done and he's not sure why they picked this particular molding. He said he just wanted stuff that could be done quickly. He said no one listens to him. Howard said he likes the way things are turning out but he can't celebrate it yet because it's still not done. He said he's happy with the work but it's just going a little too long. Howard said it was supposed to be done a while ago. Robin said she once lived in a place that had no kitchen for a while and that was really tough. She had to go to the bathroom to get water.
Howard said his daughter Debra doesn't have a TV either and they have no knowledge of pop culture at all. Howard said all 3 of them are into Ani DeFranco. Howard said they're into guys though so they're not lesbians. Howard said they're almost like a throwback to the 60s in the way they act. Howard said Ashley doesn't watch TV at all and she's 16. Howard said she sued to watch Sex and the City but that was about it.
Howard said people ask him how he gets his kids to not watch TV. Howard said he has always been very pro television so he's not sure what happened. Howard said The Munsters, Tarzan, Abbot and Costello and all of those guys were his friends when he was growing up. Howard said he had TVs in their rooms and he encouraged them to watch TV. Howard said everything was TV to him when he grew up so he never limited it with his kids.
Howard said Madonna doesn't let her daughter watch TV and she'll probably end up watching it all the time once she gets out of the house. Howard said he had a TV in every room in the house he raised his kids in. He said they could have laid in bed and watched TV 24 hours a day if they wanted. Howard said he also had computers in all of their rooms. He said he did everything wrong.
Howard said he asked his daughter if she had ever seen this TV show and she had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said they have no TV at all. Howard said Debra moved apartments in San Francisco and she didn't even have a TV in the house. Robin said they can watch TV on the internet and on their phones. Howard said they watch movies on their computers. He said they don't care to see them on a big screen. Robin said her nephew didn't have a TV so his parents sent him one even though he didn't care about having one.
Howard said it's really strange and he can't figure it out. Robin said they can watch that stuff on the internet at any time if they want to. She said that's the way they do it these days. Howard said he was shocked that his daughter Ashley doesn't even watch American Idol. Howard said she wasn't watching it at 12. He said she did see some of it but she gave up on it pretty quick.
Robin asked what that Ani DeFranco music is. Howard said it's pretty hard core lesbo, angry music. Fred had some clips in the system to play for Robin. He had a live version of a song she performed there at SIRIUS. They listened to a little bit of that just so Robin knew what Howard was talking about. He said it's not that he doesn't like the music. He said that it's not bad.
Howard said his daughter is also really religious and he's kind of shocked by that too. Howard said he'd say that his daughter is actually beyond being orthodox. Artie said that he spent some time with Howard's daughter and she made him feel better about himself. Howard said she really likes Artie and she only asks about him when she asks about the show. Artie said that was nice to hear and she was a very warm person. Howard said all of his kids are very religious but his oldest is really religious. Howard said he was against all of that when they were growing up but they got into it anyway.
Robin said that most kids rebel against religion. Howard said when their father is compared to Satan then they end up going to it instead.
Howard asked Fred top play some more Ani DeFranco music for him. He said he's not sure how the kids found out about it. He said it's like their Bruce Springsteen though. Fred played more of her live stuff and Robin said that the audience would be full of women only based on what she was hearing.
Howard said his kids are very smart and avid readers. He said he wonders how all of that happened. Artie said he told his girlfriend that he wanted to get her a DVD of her on Letterman but she had already seen it on the internet like 40 times. He said that's how easy it is to find stuff on the web now.
Howard said he didn't want to get into specifics but his daughter works for an organization that's like God's gift to man. Howard said if a kid doesn't have a parent or the ability to speak the language, they go in and help the kid through it. Howard said she's like a saint. He said he would never want to help people out like that.
Howard said his youngest daughter runs cross country and she's in AP. He said she's very smart and she seems to know what she wants to do with her life already.
Robin said that being an awful person might just work. Fred said it doesn't always work out. Howard said his kids don't really listen to the show but his youngest is into Eminem so he had Gary pull the interview he did with him years ago. Gary went through it and tried to find anything that he might not want his daughter to hear. Howard said he was pretty conservative with it. Gary said they pulled out the clip of Howard asking if he should try ecstasy. There was also a joke about him having sex with his own father that they pulled out.
Gary said that interview was unbelievable. He said that Eminem was totally wiling to talk about how fucked up his life was and he was funny too. Gary said he talked about having the kid and how a girl called in from high school. He said he asked the girl if they had sex. Howard asked him why he didn't pull that clip out. Gary said the way it was asked wasn't that bad.
Gary asked if his kids have ever given him shit for anything he's done. Howard said they haven't really. They've asked him about some stuff that he's done. He said he's sure they have heard some of the show before but he doesn't think they listen regularly.
Howard said his kids have read some stuff about him in the paper that just wasn't true and that's why he gets so upset when they print stuff like the fake story about him buying a car for a stripper. Howard said that was Richard Johnson and he told him that he has to get that shit straight.
Gary said he knows that his kids are going to see porn and stuff on the web eventually. He said Benjy told him that there are clips of him out there holding the mic for women on the Sybian so he's afraid that his kids are going to see that. Howard asked if he has a way to watch what his kids are looking at. Gary said he kind of let that lapse. He said that they have just one computer in the kitchen but he's going to be buying a Mac for Jackson for Christmas. Howard said it must be tough just having one computer. Gary said he does have a laptop that his other son can use. Howard said there might be a lot of beating off going on when he gets that computer.
Howard said he had to use his imagination when he was beating off as a kid. Gary said that the web is much better. Howard said he didn't know what to do with a woman when he was growing up. He said dif he had been able to see porn then maybe he would have been a better lover. He thinks that it helps kids figure things out. Robin said that's why kids are doing everything these days.
Howard said these kids today beat off to everything. Gary said that he and Jon Hein were talking about letting the kids have computers and TVs in their rooms. He said that Jon lets them have computers but not TV in their rooms. Gary is the opposite. Howard said he would have loved to have been able to watch porn in his bedroom as a kid. Fred played some porn clips for Howard and he was playing along like he was learning how to do stuff from those clips.
Howard imagined his mother asking him what he was doing in his bedroom listening to those clips. Howard did an impression of his mother asking him if he was watching ''Face Fucking 2'' for a few seconds before he had to go to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard wondered how Dave Grohl has a voice after yelling in those songs the way he does. Robin said he must have strong vocal chords. Howard said that's a good song.
Howard said Dr. Drew stopped by this morning to talk about his new Sex Rehab show. Howard said Artie is a big fan of his. Robin said she's not a big fan because of that whole narcissist thing. Drew came in and said he didn't mean to get on Robin's shit list. Howard asked Drew if he's a millionaire from all of these shows he has. Drew asked if he's picking up where Artie left off.
Howard asked about the new show ''Sex Rehab'' and Drew was saying that sex addiction is a real thing. He said that many people don't understand it but it is real. Howard said that he believes it's real because of what went on with David Letterman and Steve Phillips. Howard said that they've seen the women they've been with and you wonder why. He said that it can't be that they're super horny. He said that it must be about feeling you're entitled to it.
Drew said that it's just like a drug. He said that a lot of it goes back to some kind of sexual abuse from their childhoods. Howard said that you can screw up a relationship the same way you would with drugs. Drew said that sex addiction is one of those things that people don't believe is a real thing but it is like any other addiction. He said that it's a progressive use of something that leads to bad consequences.
Howard said David Letterman loves his TV show and you look for the one thing that could ruin his career and it would be a sex scandal. He said that Dave has that sex scandal and he must not be able to see the consequences of what happens.
Robin asked about Governor Mark Sanford from South Carolina. Drew said that was a love addiction and not even a sex addiction. Drew said that you can throw away your life. He said that Amber Smith is the love addicted patient on Sex Rehab this year. Drew said that she goes after guys who look like her dad and she'll tail them for days and days. She said that if they don't look at her on the right day she's destroyed and she's laid up in bed for 3 days. Drew said that it's all about the fantasy.
Howard asked Drew about this governor and if that's a sex addiction or just a love addiction. Drew said it can be both and on this TV show he's doing now they have to treat both. Drew said it can take 3 to 5 years to treat it correctly. Drew said that drug addiction can be a very long process too. He said sometimes it can take several years to get through that.
Howard asked Drew about some of the stuff that they teach people at the sex rehab thing. Drew said they teach people to be open to other people and to receive what they're saying. They teach them how to be intimate and being close to other people. If they've been abused then it ruptures and it causes problems. Howard asked Drew about Robin but Robin asked to be left out of this.
Drew said that he can see she has intimacy problems. Robin admitted that she has had those problems. She said she is aware of her issues though and that's why she hates reading about herself when Dr. Drew writes about her. Robin was still upset about the narcissist test and the stuff that Drew wrote about her. Robin said that there is no book that it'll come out in and there is no way to undo what he did. Robin said that they said that she's worse than Anna Nicole Smith and that's just not right.
Drew said he might have to write a book where he apologizes to her. Howard said Artie was upset with him as well. Drew said that was correct. Howard said they offered Artie a spot on Celebrity Rehab but Drew claims he didn't have anything to do with that. Howard said Artie was upset with that but 3 seconds before he walked in Artie said he loves Dr. Drew.
Artie said that when that happened he may have gotten a little crazy. Artie said he was struggling to get clean at the time and he was lashing out at everyone who was saying it was wrong. He said he may have misdiagnosed Dr. Drew.
Artie said that when DJ AM died it was months after what he said about Drew. He said it's obvious that Dr. Drew cares about him. He said that Gary told him that Dr. Drew had emailed him a few days after DJ AM died. Drew said that DJ AM was a great guy and he was on his show and he was collecting Nike shoes. He said he showed up with a pair for him the day after he told him they were nice. He said that the guy was happy about him helping him stay sober and that was how he was paying him back. That was years ago before his plane crash and all of that.
Drew said that DJ AM was in a plane crash and he got on pain killers and things kept going and he as a horrible drug addict. He said he had a terrible addiction problem and once he went on the pain killers it wasn't going to stop. Drew said he started having troubles flying so he had people flying with him to make sure he didn't take Xanax and stuff. He said that some people told him to get away form those people and that led to him going into the addiction full blown.
Dr. Drew said his father just died last week so he's a mess right now himself. He said that his father was 84 and he had a brain bleed all of a sudden. Drew said he's overwhelmed about the DJ AM thing because they were very close. Howard asked if he ever talked about banging Nicole Richie. Drew said he didn't get into details but they did talk about her. He said he was very respectful of her at all times.
Drew said he wanted to send AM in to talk to Artie about the addiction thing. He said that his father's brain bleed thing may have been caused by the blood thinners he was on. He said he was pretty close to his dad too. Howard asked if there were any towel snapping incidents with him. Drew said there weren't any.
Drew said his kids are a mess because they were close to his father. He said he has triplet 17 year olds and they're a mess. Howard asked Drew if he was ever in therapy. Drew said there were times that he was. He said he had some issues when he was younger. He said his wife made him go because he was having some issues and he took her advice and went. Drew said he was just starting to get into the addition medicine back then.
Robin said that Drew has to hear horrible things all the time so he must need therapy. Drew told Howard he knows he's bringing the show to a halt today but he had to mention this guy who is running a charity thing that he started after his son died. you can find out more at PabLove.com.
Artie got back to his story and said that Gary told him that Dr. Drew was worried about him after DJ AM died and that touched him. He said that he texted Drew back and they finally spoke and he told Drew how good he was doing. Artie said they spoke for maybe a half hour. Robin asked how long after that was his 2 weeks of work missed. Artie said it was right around that time. Artie said he got really down around that time and his sister had reached out to Drew. He said he finally got the balls to call him and spoke to him about what was going on while he was stuck at home. Artie said Drew spoke to him for like an hour and he talked about the therapist he has now and how that was working. He said that his therapist was away for 3 weeks around that time and he was missing him so Drew told him that was a good thing.
Howard jokingly told Artie that Drew recoded the call and he's going to turn it into a TV show. Howard said it sounds like Drew helped Artie get through his depression. Artie said that the biggest thing for him was getting off the Subutex stuff. He said the hair is growing back on his body now that he's off of that. Howard said Artie had turned into a woman. Artie said he was able to drop the weight pretty quick once he got off of it.
Drew said he's not a fan of that stuff. He said it's the new methadone and it's just not something an addict should be on.
Howard asked Drew about Kari Ann Peniche and why he described her as a pain in the ass. Drew had to kick her off the show because she was such a pain in the ass. Howard said they later found out that she was doing Crystal Meth while in the Sex Rehab so they brought her into the Celebrity Rehab instead and she's doing much better now. Drew said she was screaming and yelling and getting physical with people. Drew said that the staff was provoked too far and they had to be fired because of her.
Howard said that when a chick like that is in rehab, how does he not have feelings for them. Drew said that he just isn't into things like that. He said he wouldn't be able to do his job if he was trying to do things like that. Robin asked if he's had women come on to him. Drew said he has and it's very uncomfortable. Howard asked about Amber Smith because she's so hot. Drew said that she's actually Sexually Anorectic because she's not having sex.
Howard asked Drew about what he would do if women came on to him and wouldn't stop. Drew said that he has to stop the therapy if that happens. Howard asked if he has ever cheated on his wife. Drew said that he married the right woman and he hasn't done that. He said he understands the consequences of his actions so he wouldn't do that. He said he has been to strip clubs but the last time he went was for his bachelor party. He said he doesn't even have the desire to go now.
Howard asked Drew if he reads Playboy. Drew said he's 51 and he doesn't read that kind of stuff now. Howard said he's 55 and he jerks off like a rabbit.
Drew said that males seem to go through a phase from 12-16 where they look at porn and the stuff they see is emblazoned into their brain. That's why kids are so into anal sex these days. They see a lot of that going on when they watch it on the web. He said it worries him now because women are going to end up with anal problems later in their life.
Howard asked Drew if he masturbates. Drew said if he had to do that he would do that before he would cheat on his wife. Howard said most guys don't think about their wives when they jerk off. Howard said he did that with Beth when she was away and he felt a little pervy. Artie said that he does it to her in person though. Howard said he still felt pervy because Beth is a human being to him.
Robin got back on the narcissist thing and said that Howard is the biggest one she knows. She said that he should have scored higher than her on that test they took. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Howard said Drew was attacked by Lindsay Lohan when he said she needs help and invited her on Celebrity Rehab. Drew said he still thinks that she needs to get help before something horrible happens. Howard said she wrote on her Twitter account that she thought that doctors spoke to you in person.
Drew said that he feels that something is going to happen to her and something bad has to happen to her before she's going to realize it. Robin said her father is talking about kidnapping her and putting her into rehab. Drew said he heard about that too.
Howard asked Drew about Mackenzie Phillips coming to him a month before she put her book out and he believes what she's saying. Drew said he has no doubt about it. He said that she was in rehab and she seems to be very honest about what she wrote about. Drew said that she's trying to be a whole person and she wants people to know about what went on in her life.
Howard said that John Phillips was on the show a few times and he was very charming. Drew said it reminds him of a cult leader the way he treated people. He said he was very charming but there was something horrible going on there.
Robin asked about Mary Carey and the movie she did. Drew said that was horrible. Robin said Mary went out and made a porno movie about fucking Dr. Drew. Drew said that she was doing well for about 6 weeks and then she went and did the porno so that was it for him.
Howard asked about David Letterman and what he thinks about that. Drew said that he needs to see a doctor. Howard gave him some plugs for his new ''Sex Rehab'' show and said that it airs on Sunday nights on VH1. Howard said Kendra Jade was in there earlier in the week talking about how she masturbated while she was in rehab. Drew said that she had to come out and tell them about that too.
Howard asked if they have to smell the patients fingers to find out if they were masturbating. Artie said they'd know if he was doing it because he'd be laying on the couch with a Twinkie in his mouth laying on the couch watching Sportscenter.
Robin asked about Kendra going to a strip club after she appeared on the show. Drew said he worries about that and the alcohol. He said that those two things go together so her drinking could be a problem. Howard thanked Drew for helping Artie out too. Drew said that Artie's head is in the right place now. Artie thanked Drew for helping him too and he seemed to be sorry about the stuff he had said about him in the past.
Howard asked if Drew is really not a millionaire. Drew said he has to work to put his kids through Graduate school. He said that VH1 doesn't pay a ton of money so he's working hard to get those kids through school. Howard gave him some plugs for the show and Drew said they have another Celebrity Rehab and Sober House coming out in the future too. He said they were very rough this time.
Howard asked Drew about Adam Carolla too. Drew said that Adam has that Podcast so he has to say that he's much more successful than Adam is. Drew has TV shows and things going on.
Artie asked Drew if he thinks that DJ AM's death was a suicide. Drew said he doesn't believe it was. Howard asked Robin to talk about the way she went off on him for missing Beth. Robin said that she didn't say what Howard thought she said but Howard said she needs help. Howard said there was a quote from Robin saying that she never misses people. Robin said she also said ''not like that'' like Howard misses Beth.
Howard asked Robin about when Jim Florentine went away to Afghanistan and if she missed him. Robin said she did worry about him and they were out of contact for a few days. Howard asked her if she missed him or not. Robin said she did miss him. They ended up singing the conversation like it was Fiddler on the Roof. Robin even sang back to Howard and played along with it. Artie got in on it too and sang along with them.
Howard thanked Dr. Drew for coming in and he seemed to be in shock after that singing bit they just did. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's really far behind with audio clips. He said that Scott did a couple of gigs out in Las Vegas and he has to play that stuff. He said that Scott was a DJ out there. He said he has Dane Cook out there too so he was going to talk to him.
Howard told Scott he couldn't talk about his stuff yet. Scott had come in and ended up talking about what he did out there anyway. Howard did his impression of Scott for a short time and goofed on him about the whole thing. He told Scott maybe he'd get to his tapes after Dane Cook.
Howard said Dane Cook is there to promote a show he's doing at Madison Square Garden tomorrow night. Howard said the guy is on fire. Dane came in and Howard said it's kind of legendary that he's built his following on the internet. Howard said he figured out how to harness the power of the internet. Howard asked Dane how he pulled that off. Dane said that he was masturbating 23 hours a day, violently, and he was angry at his career. Dane said that was about 20 years ago. He said he was getting too old to do the same college act so he started sending out links to his act on the web and that became his thing. He said he was playing video games half the day and sending out links the rest of the day.
Howard asked Dane about how many people he had following him. Dane said he had 2.5 million at one point on Myspace. He said he figured he had to live up to having that many people and it was kind of scary. Dane said that he was doing some local sets that he would video tape and he'd post anything he had on the web. He said at first he had like 9 people that he knew and that was it. Then he said it went from 10, 20, 40 and 80 and now he's doing arenas. He said he's still masturbating violently though.
Howard asked Dane about the rumors that he was with Jessica Simpson. He said there were some dalliances here and there. He said that he has a girlfriend now though. He said she's a singer.
Dane said that he used to masturbate to Jessica and then he was dating her. He said that it was kind of strange. Dane said that didn't work out with Jessica.
Dane talked about his mother and father dying of cancer within 9 months of each other. He said it was really weird because things were blowing up for him. He said that they did get to see him get that fame though.
Howard said Dane has been linked to Kate Hudson as well. Dane said he did a movie with her. Howard said that you do fall in love with people on the set of the movie. Dane said that it can be the location and doing the movie because you have make up on and stuff. Dane said he and Kate didn't have any romance. He said that she had a boyfriend at the time.
Howard said he liked the move Mr. Brooks. Howard asked if it did well. He said it did well enough to pay him. Howard said he thought that Kevin Costner was great in that movie too. Howard said that's one of those surprise movies that he really liked. Dane said it was a low budget film and they may not have gotten the marketing right. Dane said you just don't know what's going to happen.
Dane said that movies aren't like stand-up because he has no control over them movies like he does with comedy. Howard asked Dane about the movies he's done and found out he's writing his own stuff now. Dane said he was a loser in school and he had a tree on the way to school that was his ''throw up tree'' because he'd have to stop there and puke on his way to school.
Howard asked if he got laid in high school. Dane said he had a girlfriend who he lost his virginity to. He said that she was homely though. Dane also talked about how he got laid when he became a stand-up comic. Dane said from 22 to 28 was great for him. He said he got some C-listers. He said that he would get Soleil Moon Fry's assistant types. Not actually her but those type of women.
Howard asked Dane about a threesome he had once. Dane said it was great and he kind of knew it was going to happen so he jerked off a couple of hours before. Dane didn't get into that too deeply.
Howard asked Dane about getting ripped off financially. Dane said he had a family member working for him and he's apparently accusing him of stealing millions from him. Dane said that it's dancing around the $11 million mark. Howard said to make that kind of money he had to work a lot. Howard said Dane seems kind of grounded and he must have been saving that up as a nest egg. Dane said he still doesn't know the answer to how that all happened. Dane said this was his step-brother that ripped him off and he's in jail right now so he doesn't know how it all happened. He said that they'll eventually figure it out. Dane said that he spoke to this person almost every day of his life and it's really weird to have something like this happen.
Dane said he always wanted to have a weird thing in his family happen after watching those shows like 48 Hours. He said that it finally did happen to him. Last year at Thanksgiving things were going really well and then in a few days everything just came out. He said it was really strange.
Howard asked Dane about how he found out about it. Dane said that he hired a new business manager but they didn't really discover it. It was just coming out over the course of a few days. Dane said that he can't really tell the whole story until the trial is over.
Dane said that this guy was a corrections officer and he was almost killed by an inmate so he wanted the guy to get out of that line of work and gave him a job. He said he wanted him to help protect his money, not help it escape. Dane said that he's not even sure where the money is and if he can get it back. Dane said that he has 5 sisters and they all know what he's about so they seem to be on his side. Dane said it's been a wild year to say the least.
Howard said it must be tough to lose his parents and then have his brother allegedly do this to him. Dane said that he thinks that karma may come back to get the guy.
Howard asked Dane about never trying drugs and how he doesn't drink. Dane said he's never tried drugs. Howard asked how you get through life not doing that. Dane said that his friend in high school would drink in high school but he never wanted to do anything like that. Dane said if he did coke he would have to be the most coked guy in the room so it would be bad. Dane said if he does something he takes it to ridiculous levels. He said he doesn't fear drinking or doing drugs. He said he may just wait until he's about 51 and then start doing it all.
Howard said he heard that Dane jumped off the stage and beat a guy with a microphone when he was heckled. Dane said he did get into a bit of a fight. He said that guy threw something at him and he's not even sure what it was. Dane said he said something about the guy's girlfriend because she was fuckin' obnoxious and then the crowd wanted to see him fight the guy. Dane said he hated to fight in high school but he was forced to do it one time and that's what this was like. Dane said he got into a confrontation with the audience member and he kind of got his ass kicked by the guy. Dane said he did get in a shot with the microphone though.
Howard asked Dane if he has any money now or is he bankrupt. Dane said he still has money. He said he's been very lucky with the fans he has.
Dane told Howard about some of the shows he used to do with Rodney Dangerfield and how he had to introduce the guy. He said that Rodney was still killing back then and he had him introducing him and asking him to come up on stage like it was an impromptu thing. He said that they did that every time. Howard asked if he did that because he didn't want to be in a small club. Dane said that if you don't small clubs you wonder if the fans still like you and Rodney may have been insecure right up until the end.
Howard read that Dane stayed up on stage for 6 hours and beat Dave Chappelle's record for being up there. Dane said that he wasn't trying to break any records. He once stayed up there for 7 hours and it was ridiculous. Dane said there was a record that Pryor had set for like 3 hours and some. Then he did 4 and some and then Dave Chappelle went up and did like 6 and a half hours to beat his record. He said that 4 hours of it was Dave lighting cigarettes and moving the stool around the stage.
Howard asked Dane who was his idol when he was growing up. Dane said it was Steve Martin. He said his sister saw him play Madison Square Garden and Dane said he told his sister that he was going to play Madison Square Garden some day.
Howard asked Dane if he was horrible the first time he did stand-up. Dane said the first few years were cringe worthy. Howard said he gets the feeling that a lot of comedians are jealous of him. Dane said there is some jealously there. There are also some accusations that he has ripped some people off like Joe Rogan. Dane said that's not true. He said that he knew that he was going to get smashed when he started to get really famous. He said there is a lot of jealousy out there. Howard said that Rolling Stone even wrote that Dane was great in one issue and then a short time later they were bashing him. Dane said it was like a couple of weeks later. He said he never really responds to that stuff because it's superfluous.
Dane said that people are going to say what they say and he's not going to get upset about it. Howard said he read that he was kicked out of a steak house one time after he sent his steak back 4 times. Dane said that's not true at all and he's never been kicked out of a restaurant at all. Howard told Dane about how they wrote about him buying a stripper a car one time and that wasn't true.
Dane said when he reads stuff like that he figures it's a slow news day but they should pick an A-lister to write about instead of him.
Howard read about the girl that Dane is dating. Her name is Rachel Houghton and she's a singer. Dane said she's not singing right now because she had a tonsillectomy go wrong. He said that she should be able to sing eventually though.
Howard read that Dane was accused by Jessica Alba of doing nude scenes in a movie he was working on just for their own enjoyment. Dane said he asked Jessica about that and she said that it was taken out of context but he wondered what context it could have been taken from.
Howard said that the internet rumors like that can stick around forever. Dane said that they really can. Howard said he shouldn't have let Jessica Alba off the hook for that. He said that he worked with her and there should be some respect there. Dane said she did say some nice things about him in other interviews. He said he did talk to her about the whole thing and she did issue a retraction directly to him.
Howard said he read that Dane has good phone sex skills. He said he's always out on the road so he has to do that kind of stuff. The guys brought in a picture of Dane's girlfriend and Howard said she really is hot. Artie said the only bad thing about the picture was her Red Sox hat. He said she really was a looker. Dane said he looks forward to ruining that relationship.
Howard asked Dane if she's good at phone sex. Dane said he thinks he's better but she's good. Dane said he has a wide vernacular and he knows a lot of the slang. He said he's sort of a verbalist. Dane said he knows how to talk to her. Dane gave him an example and Howard tried to say what he said but Dane told him it wasn't right. He said it sounded like Howard just sat on something.
Dane said that sometimes he does some role playing stuff. He did some of that with Howard to give him an example of what he does. Dane said that he sometimes plays the role of a guy who just infiltrated a base.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who had Blue Iris audio clips trying to have phone sex with him. Dane knew it wasn't a real thing. He said it must have been Gary with a voice modulator in the back.
Howard said Dane's girl is really hot and asked how he met her. Dane said he met her at a comedy club. She was working at the club at the time.
Howard gave Dane some plugs for his comedy show that's going on at Madison Square Garden tomorrow night. Dane said they have a bunch of comedians coming up to do stuff. He even asked Artie if he wanted to come out and do a set. He said that they're not really friends so they might have to call the show ''Dane Cook and Acquaintances.''
Artie said that he has done shows with 5,000 people or so but he's never done something as big as he's doing. He's playing to 20,000 people. Howard asked how he learned to do that kind of show. Dane said that it's been 20 years and he's worked his way up to that. He said he used to do colleges that were like 10,000 seats. He said that they don't intimate him though. You can get tickets at NYComedyFesival.com. His DVD ''Dane Cook: Isolated Incident'' is coming out later this month too.
Howard asked Dane about how he had broken up with his girlfriend for a while. He said he wanted to date the most beautiful women in the world so that's what he went out and did. He said that he dated the lead singer for the Pussycat Dolls, Nicole, and no one had ever known that before he told Howard. Dane said he went out and did all of that and then went back to his girlfriend.
Howard had Wood Yi audio clips on the phone to have phone sex with Dane. They had Wood Yi talking about how he wanted a hot load on his face. Dane thought it was the computer voice from War Games on the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a big fan and he lets his kids listen to him. The caller said that Artie doesn't like Dane but he does. Artie said he never said that.
The caller said that Kate Hudson admitted that she and Dane had sex. Dane said he would say if they did but they didn't. He said she had a boyfriend at the time.
Dane said that he's been trying for years to get on the show and he's glad he finally made it on. Howard said he was giving him a score of 10 out of 10 for his interview today.
Artie said about 10 years ago he was waiting to go to a gig and Dane came up to his car and knocked on his window to say hi to him. Artie said that Dane said he wanted to come on the show and they talked about that and about the gigs they were doing. Dane was on his way to make a movie with Drew Barrymore. Artie was getting ready to go do a gig for a few hundred people. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about Zeppelin. Howard said that band Tool did a remake of that song for his Private Parts album but they backed out at the last minute and he had to scramble. Howard said the song was really good too. Howard said they may have put the song out on their own but the song was really heavy the way they did it and it was good. He said it wasn't as good as the original though.
Howard asked Robin if she got an invite to a Bat Mitzvah. Robin didn't think she had but Artie and Gary did. Howard said that maybe Jon Hein doesn't like her that much. Robin said she may have gotten one but she hasn't seen it yet. Robin went to the last one. Artie said he's never been to one so he may go just to see what it's like.
Howard said he got the feeling last year that he got the invite just because Jon wanted a good gift. Robin said that's not why he's doing that. Gary said he invited everyone there and he wouldn't leave Howard out. Howard said the Bat Mitzvah is about the kid and he shouldn't be bothering him with that. Howard said he's not into that kind of thing but he'll go along with it with his own kids. Howard said people at work don't give a rats ass about that. Robin said it depends on the person.
Howard said he likes Jon but now he's faced with not going so he has to come up with a gift. Howard asked how much he gave last time. Jon said it was $500. Howard asked if he wants $1,000 this time. Jon said that whatever he gives is fine. He said he'd like him to come but Howard said it's best if he doesn't come.
Howard asked Artie what he gave to Jon's daughter last time. Artie didn't remember what it was. Howard didn't know what to give. He said he has the invite at home on his desk and he has to get it off of there. He said the invite is big and purple and he has to get it off of there. Howard asked if he was pleased with the last check. Jon said whatever he wants to give he should give. Jon said it's not too low or too high and whatever he wants to give is fine.
Jon said the Bat Mitzvah is on the 9th of January. Howard said he's not around that day. He said he would go if he wasn't away. Jon said he knows he wouldn't go no matter what. Howard said he's afraid the party would be about him and not about his daughter.
Gary said Sal was just telling him that he got the speech from Jon about how he can't do anything to Howard at the party to piss him off if he does show up. Jon said that almost everyone else came to the party last year. It was just a couple of people who didn't show up.
Howard thought he knew where Jon lived but he tired guessing the name of the town but didn't get it. Howard said he didn't know where it was even when Jon gave him a hint.
Howard asked Jon what time of the day his party is. Jon said it's during the day. Howard said that would screw up his whole day. He said he runs and plays chess every Saturday. Howard said it might be fun to go but he knows if he went he wouldn't have any fun. Robin said he had fun at Jason's wedding. Howard said he had to sit around and watch Robin trying to find pumpkin soup with no cream in it at Jason's wedding.
Howard said that he and Sal had a good time drawing pictures of Gary in Jason's wedding book. Howard said he's the first one to complain about Sal and then he did that with him at the wedding. Gary said he would just sit around and remind Howard about what Sal said about his wife the whole time if he showed up at the bat mitzvah.
Gary said that you're supposed to give $180 at these Bat Mitzvah's according to Lisa G. Howard said that it's basically a kid's birthday party and people don't have that kind of money to give. Howard said he thinks that it should be at least $500 when you go to a wedding. Howard said Lisa G can't afford to give that much money. Sal said he would give 4-500 dollars. Sal said that's provided he's bringing his wife and they're going to be partying. He said they'll be making fun of Gary at the party.
Gary said that Sal shows up and he's completely neutered with his wife there. Sal said he has no choice. Sal also said that's a story for another time. Gary said he thinks it's a good time now.
Howard said Richard drinks too much at these parties. Jon said he had a discussion with him last time about that. Howard said Richard starts acting like a moron when he drinks too much. Sal said it's great. Howard said it's great for them but not for the people at the party.
Howard congratulated Jon on his daughter's 13th birthday and wrapped up with him. Sal was talking about whipping his cock out at the party and Jon said that everyone knows about him and he wouldn't be the only one to take care of him.
Last year they did a TV themed party according to Sal. Sal asked what it was this year. Sal said it should be a Schindler's List theme. He said they could have a train come though and have people dressed up as Hitler.
Gary said that Jon drives Sal home every day and he has to sit through that stuff every day. Sal said that's not true. Jon said that Sal is trying to get Howard to crack up at that. Howard said he wasn't laughing. Sal said he was just cracking a joke. Howard kicked Sal out and thanked Jon for coming in.
Howard told Jon that Sal is on his no-invite list. He said they're thinking about having a party and Sal won't be invited. Sal asked why. Howard said it's because of what he said about his wife, twice! Gary said that Beth was up there last week and Sal was out in the hall with that phony voice of his and kissing her ass like he's a different person. Gary said he heard the whole thing right outside of his office.
Sal likes to use the words sweetheart and hun with women and Sal became another person out there. Sal asked what he's supposed to say. He said he wasn't being insincere or anything with Beth. Gary just laughed. Sal said Gary is an instigator. Howard kicked them out after that.
Howard read that Corey Feldman has come out and said that he's divorcing because his wife cheated on him with his best friend. The wife is saying that Corey tied her up like a dog. There's a bunch of other stuff that should be coming out about that. Howard read some of the details in the article he saw in one of the tabloids.
Howard said that Corey and his wife were on the show talking about some of the stuff that they did in the bedroom. They even talked about bringing another dude into bed. Howard said his wife is now looking for full custody of their child.
Howard said their whole interview with Rosie O'Donnell is in The Globe. He said that they basically rehashed the whole interview.
Howard said they say that Dr. Phil has 3 years left to live. There was an article about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hating Tom Cruise.
Howard read that some people are afraid that David Letterman may go back to drinking after being sober for 30 years. Howard said he had no idea that Dave was even a drinker.
Steve said they also have an update about Howard Stearn losing his election down in South Carolina. Howard said that Chris Christie won the NJ Governor race. Howard said someone yelled out Baba Booey during his acceptance speech. Howard said Chris tried to calm everyone down with his hands as they were going crazy. He played the audio of that and talked about how they're saying that this is a failure for Obama since he was such a big supporter of Corzine's.
Steve said there's a new book out about cartoons of the 60s and they mention Ben Stern in it. The author said he didn't know that Ben Stern's little son that used to go to the studios was the famous Howard Stern. Robin said she loves that story about Howard. She said it was great the guy didn't even know it was him. Howard said he was just a little putz back then.
Steve said that Joey Boots was able to see the Jared pictures from Halloween. Steve said they also have an update about Gary's toe nail fungus being cured by laser surgery. Howard was grossed out by that. Howard said Gary always has something going on with him. He said if it's not the nails it's his teeth. Gary was talking and had his head turned so Howard had to tell him to get on the microphone.
Howard saw Ross in Gary's office so he asked how he was doing. Ross said that he's fine. He also said that Sal is way off base with his comments about his breath being bad and all of that. Howard said Sal really went after Ross last week. Ross said that he doesn't think there's an issue there but Gary told him there is something there. Gary said Ross is his friend and he thinks that there is an issue there. Howard said he didn't sense an issue.
Gary said there have been moments with Ross that he does have bad breath. Ross aid that he might have coffee breath in the morning or something but at night he doesn't have any issues. Howard said he really hasn't had an issue and Artie backed him up on that as well.
Gary asked Howard if he thought he was off base for bringing that up with Ross. Howard said no. Gary said Ross thought that maybe Sal heard from someone else that he had bad breath since he really doesn't spend much time with him. That's what Ross was worried about. Ross carries around Binaca. Howard said that doesn't work. He told him to brush his teeth 3 times a day, massage his gums, use mouthwash and floss and pick to get it all out of there. Ross said he does all of that but he doesn't think he has halitosis. Howard asked when he last went to the dentist. Ross said it was about a month ago. He goes 3 times a year for a cleaning.
Gary said that Ross is mad at him now. Ross said he's really not mad at him. He said he asked some people if he has bad breath and they all said he didn't. Gary said that he wants the people who have had issues with his breath to step forward.
Jason and Will came into the studio. Jason told Howard that Ross has horrible breath. Jason said he was the one who went to Gary and told him to have a talk with Ross about it. Jason said he did that with JD one time. Jason said that he's smelled it in the afternoon with Ross too. Jason said that they go to Gary because they know that Gary is his best friend.
Ross said his wife doesn't smell anything and she would be honest with him if he did have bad breath. Jason said he wasn't saying this to be mean. He said he once knew Ross was behind him without turning around. Ross said that he was dead to him now.
Will said they call it the ''Zapin Stink'' in the office. Howard told Ross that he doesn't know because he's never smelled anything. He's like a rose to him. Howard told him to listen to the guys and do what he told him to do. He told him to pick it all out and brush often. Ross said he does that. Howard told him to massage his gums in the morning and evening too.
Howard asked Ross if he eats ass. Ross said he doesn't. Howard said maybe that would explain it if he did. He said maybe he had some bad ass. Howard said he doesn't always know what he's talking about though.
Howard said poor Ross was taking shit on the air. Gary said he never expected it to come out on the air like that. He said that Ross might feel hurt because he doesn't think it's true.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he remembers him talking about a friend's breath smelling like garbage. Howard said that's right but it wasn't Ross. Howard said he didn't want to tell that person about his breath. He said he's told Gary about it before and it wasn't Ross. Howard said it was someone else. Howard has never had a problem telling Gary about his bad breath on the air.
Howard and Gary talked about the time Howard had people come in and smell Gary's breath on air back at NBC. Gary got in trouble when his mother called Howard's mother to complain about the names he was calling him on air. Howard said he got mad at Gary about that and took it out on him. Howard figured Gary told his mom about it and she called his mother. Howard said he really likes Gary's mom and he was upset that he upset her.
Howard said he loves Gary, he's the best. Howard said he's like an abusive husband to Gary. He said he smacks him around and then says he loves him. Robin said she loves Gary too of course.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon had his usual list of subjects for today's show that he quickly went through. He mentioned Howard putting on his astronaut helmet this morning so Howard put it back on while he was running down the show preview. Howard said they wouldn't be able to video his hideous face at the events he goes to if he wore it. Howard said he's going out on Thursday night so he may wear it then. Howard said he's not kidding about that either. He said no one will see anymore bad pictures of him anymore.
Howard said this should be his new head shot with the helmet on. Howard said he's going to have the visor down and he wants that as his picture there at SIRIUS. Howard explained how he was going to go out on Thursday night and answer questions with his visor down. He said he would have to learn to eat with his visor down too. Howard had to practice so he put the visor down and had Robin asking him questions like he was on the press line at this event he's going to.
Howard figured out that he needs a real helmet with cooling in it. He said he could get headphones and a microphone in there too. Howard said he could be watching TV inside the helmet too. Howard wondered if Imus takes off his hat when he goes home. Robin wasn't sure about that.
Howard put the visor up and said that it's really hard to keep it down. He took the helmet off after that. He said he wasn't able to eat his lunch like that.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. Steve said they have Dante the former intern who just came out of the closet on the show. He said they have a former Intern Beauty Pageant winner coming on as well. The Intern Show is on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Robin get right to her news. Robin started off with a story about Jim Nance's divorce that was just settled. Jim has to pay his wife $916,000 annually for the rest of his life unless his wife remarries. Robin wasn't sure why it was the rest of his life. Howard said that sounds insane to him. He also has to pay more in child support.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has two radios and he wanted to cancel one for a while since he's not using it. He said that they gave him a hard time about canceling and they twisted his arm to keep it going. The guy said they offered him 4 free months or he has to call back and they start charging him again. Howard said he likes that they're trying to keep people. The guy said they wasted a half hour with him. He said that he took a deal to keep it on for 5 months for $14. Howard said he likes hearing this but he has no control over any of that.
Howard said he's sorry they jerked him around but it sounds like it worked out for him in the end. The guy said they went about it the wrong way though. He said it sounds like they're getting desperate to him. Howard said it doesn't sound that way to him. He didn't know what to tell the guy. Howard said he wasn't there to hear it all. Howard said he feels bad for the guy but what is he gonna do? He said they should have kept the guy on the phone even longer maybe.
Robin got back to her news and talked more about the Jim Nance story. She wondered why the guy has to pay the rest of his life. They spent a short time on that story. The guy is making like $7 million a year and Artie sounded shocked by that. He said that sounds really high to him.
Howard did some math and figured out what the guy is making after paying her off and figured he's making about a million if he's getting paid 7 million. Robin said it's a disincentive to work.
Robin read about a doctor that worked for Michael Jackson who says that Jackson used to urinate in front of people to get laughs from them. Robin said that the kid who accused him of molesting him had only seen Jackson's penis because he urinated in front of them. Howard said that's not funny and he sure wasn't a comedian. Artie said that the stories about that guy make you wonder what the fuck he was doing. Robin read more of the story where they say that he would pee in front of a lot of people, not just kids.
Robin read about a movie about the Wu Tang Klan that's coming out next week. She said that the movie was directed by ODB's cousin.
Robin read about Rihanna coming out and doing interviews about what happened to her last year. Robin read that she's saying that the pictures of her battered face were humiliating to her. Howard said they were private photos that were supposed to be evidence and that really disturbs him. He said that a woman gets beaten by a guy and then she becomes a victim again when they publish the photos. Robin said Rihanna will be on a bunch of shows being interviewed. Howard said if he was single he'd like to take her out and teach her that not all guys are scumbags.
Robin read that the Academy Awards are going to be hosted by Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin this year. Howard said that sounds fun. Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. turned it down. Hugh Jackman didn't want to do it two years in a row.
Robin read a story about a 45 year old woman who was arrested for creating child porn. She recorded a 14 year old girl in the bathroom and then sent it to a boy trying to pretend that she was his age.
Robin had a story about a gang rape victim who has come out and thanked people for their support. She was raped over a long period of time by multiple men. They've arrested 7 people so far and they have some that are under aged.
Robin read about Mayor Bloomberg's reelection to Mayor of New York. Robin also had some details of the election in New Jersey where Governor Corzine lost to Chris Christie. She had some audio of Corzine talking about his loss.
Robin read about the Same Sex Marriage referendum in Maine that was voted down. Howard said he was shocked by that. He said he doesn't get why people are against same sex marriage. He said it must be that religion nonsense. He said it's going to be 2010 in a couple of months. They should be over that by now.
Robin said that there was a case where a gay couple was kicked out of a cab for embracing. Robin said it was 2 blocks into the trip when they did it. Robin said the cab driver told them to get out and said there was no hugging allowed in his cab.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who asked if he would prefer that the Phillies win so he doesn't have to deal with a Yankees parade. Howard said those parades are horrible. He said that he's a fan of the marathon but they clogged up the traffic with that too. Howard said he's against all parades and the marathon being held in the city. Howard said he hopes that the Yankees lose and Philly has to have a parade. Howard said they could have the New York City Marathon somewhere else too. Howard said the losing city should have to host the parade so the Yankees can win and they can have the parade in Philly.
Wolfie asked if he had time for a game. Howard said he didn't have time today. He had to get out of there and Robin had to finish her news.
Robin read a story about pot being kind of legalized in a Colorado town. They have made it legal to have less than one ounce in their possession if they're 21 or older. Howard said they're right about that. Howard said he doesn't smoke that stuff anymore but he's not against people doing it. Howard said the smoke is doing damage to their lungs though. Howard said he's seen pictures of lungs that have been exposed to smoking and they're completely black. He said people shouldn't be hassled over it though. Howard said the lungs are as black as Seal's face is.
Robin had some news about the Afghanistan election and what's going on over there. She had some audio clips to play as well.
Robin read about the Atlanta election where a white woman may win as Mayor down there. It would be the first white person as Mayor since the early 1970s. They have to have a run off election down there to figure out who the winner is.
Robin read a story about Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon doing a performance on a late night talk show this week. Robin had some of Yoko's awful music that she had Howard play.
Robin read about a mini-summit that President Obama had with the Chancellor of Germany. She had some audio of Obama talking about that.
Robin mentioned that there's a new ''A Christmas Carol'' animated movie coming out. She had some audio of Robert Zemeckis talking about his movie. She had Jim Carrey talking about it as well since he's one of the voices in the movie.
Artie ended up goofing on JD like he did throughout the news yesterday. He was laughing at stupid movies that aren't very funny as if they were the funniest movies ever.
Robin read that there may be a debate between President Clinton and President Bush. Howard asked Artie what was funnier, that or the Shaggy D.A. movie. Artie was goofing around saying that the Shaggy D.A. was the funniest movie. Artie had his hands on the side of his face and said that was part of his character.
Robin read a couple more things and said that there's one called ''Strange Sex'' that starts tonight. She said that show will cover strange things like Sexomnia and sex addiction among other things. Robin said they're talking to a sex therapist who is also a sex addict. They have a story about a woman who is allergic to her husband's semen. That's on the Discovery Health channel tonight.
Howard had to end the show a short time later. Artie got in some plugs for his CD and DVD ''Jack and Coke'' that are coming out in a couple of weeks. They're available for pre-ordering now. They ended the show around 11:55am.
Jon said that he hasn't seen him enough to judge if he's funny or not. He said that there has to be some talent there if he's selling out Madison Square Garden. Gary said that he was interested in what he was saying about people accusing him of ripping them off and how he has confronted them and they back off.
Jon said when you're doing that well it might be easier to handle that kind of criticism that he gets. Gary said he's been doing it for 20 years and he probably had to work in the shitty clubs early on. Jon said he was a college circuit comedian and he was trying to figure out how to do that so he started emailing everyone he could.
Gary said that every comedian after him tried to do it too and it didn't work for them the way it did for Dane. Jon said it's no fluke that he sells out these huge venues.
Benjy said he doesn't get the huge hate for the guy. He said his stand-up doesn't turn him on but he's good, he's okay. He said it reminds him of the Tonight Show and how it was pleasant to watch but it was hugely successful.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why it took so long for them to have him on the show. Gary said that wasn't true. Gary said that they may have passed on him a couple of times but Dane actually backed out of doing a couple of appearances that they had him booked for.
The caller asked about Quentin Tarantino claiming he had come up with the idea for Inglorious Basterds on his own but the movie had been made back in 1981. Steve Brandano said that Quentin took the title but it's not the same movie. Steve said that movie is horrible and it's nothing like the movie that's out now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Dane Cook is hit or miss in his stand-up and he thought he was good the first time he saw him but then the second time it was horrible. He said it felt like he was just feeding off of his first special. Gary hasn't seen either one so he can't say if he thought it was good or bad. The caller agreed with Gary about him being a good guest.
The caller asked the guys if they saw the video on the internet of the cheerleader who got the flu shot and had a weird reaction to it. Gary said that he did see it but he's not sure if Howard saw it. Gary said she has trouble walking forward but when she walks backward she's fine and she can talk. He said it's really weird. He said he's not sure if it's real or not but it looked real to him.
Jon also brought up Dane talking about the $11 million he lost to his step-brother. Gary said that it took a lot of work to get there and you don't just make $11 million overnight. Jon wondered who you can trust when your own step-brother allegedly rips you off. Gary said Dane said he used to talk to that guy every day of his life and now he doesn't speak to him at all.
A caller asked what the reaction was to Dane when he came into the studio since Howard and Artie had made some comments about him in the past. Artie has said some stuff about him in the past and he was kind of vocal about it. Gary said Howard never really fell into that. Gary said that Artie has met the guy a couple of times and he found out he's not a bad guy. Gary said they don't book guests on the show to have rocks thrown at them so they're not going to have someone on and rip on them.
Jon said he can't speak for Artie but it seems he was never a big fan of his. Benjy said it's like music. There's music that gets really popular but you may not like it.
Jon said by the end of the interview Dane was giving Howard some phone sex advice. He had some audio of that to play.
After the clip the guys talked about phone sex and how none of them have really done it. Benjy joked that Jon and Gary's wives were great at it. Gary said that Robin must have done it at some time in her life. He said maybe she doesn't do it that often though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Artie denied ever saying that Dane wasn't funny but that was a lie. He said that he's called Dane unfunny and a hack before.
The caller asked Gary to do a special about how Fred does his sound clips and stuff. Gary said they should save that for a day when Howard ends the show around 10:20 when they have some extra time. Jon said he loves Fred on the show and he's welcome to come in anytime.
The caller also said that he's never met a straight guy who is into Dane Cook. Gary said that he can't imagine that all of the guys into Dane Cook are gay. The caller said he had a girlfriend who went to a Dane Cook show and she came home and told him the next day that he had touched her tits when he signed them. The guy said that the girlfriend and Dane Cook hooked up and he was pretty pissed about that. The guy said he was pissed about it the next day. He said that's his reason for hating the guy.
Jon asked Gary how hard it was to talk to Ross about his bad breath. Gary said that he's one of his best friends and he's been friends with him for about 20 years now. Gary wasn't even sure how it came up on the air today. Gary said he didn't bring it up but Benjy said he thought it was him who brought it up.
Jon said he thinks that Gary was the one who brought up the whole thing. Benjy said that he liked how Gary kind of nudged him to talk about it on the air. Gary said he did that off the air though. Benjy wasn't so sure it did happen off the air.
Jon and Gary also talked about the time Howard had people smelling his breath on the air and how Gary told him to come at him twice as hard as usual after his mother called Howard's mom. Gary said it was the gayest thing when that happened.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has an issue with Dane Cook and Artie. He said that Gary said he doesn't book anyone just to bust his ass but Artie has busted Dane's balls before and he didn't do that today. Gary asked the guy who they have booked on the show just so they can bust their balls. The guy said he's not saying that. He said that if Artie has an issue with the guy then why not step up and say something. Gary said they don't do that there. He said if Artie had a real issue with him personally then maybe he'd say something. Artie doesn't have anything personal against the guy.
Benjy said that Artie's thoughts on Dane Cook have toned down over the years. He said that Artie never said he was a dick head or anything. Gary said Artie didn't like his comedy but it wasn't his place to get up and say that today.
Another caller said he thought that Jerry O'Connell and Dane Cook were the same guy. That led to Gary talking about how he asked Dane why he doesn't have a Boston accent since he's from that area. Dane told him that he may have tired to avoid talking like that because his sisters had it really bad.
The caller was also telling Jon that he should send Howard his money back if he sends him a check. He said it's not right to take someone's money like that. Gary said that's what most people on the East coast do for a wedding. The caller said that this isn't a wedding though. He said it's a Bat Mitzvah. The caller said it doesn't sound right to take money for a party like that. Gary said it's not just a kids birthday party, it's close to being a wedding when they have these Bat Mitzvah's. Gary said they have it at a catering hall and it's a big thing.
Jon said that he's not asking for money or gifts but if someone gives something then he's not going to return it. The caller said he shouldn't take anything from Howard. He said Jon didn't tell Howard not to send anything. Jon said that he's fine with whatever Howard wants to give. He said he's not looking for money from the guy. Jon said that Howard asked him how much he wanted and he said that he'd take whatever he wanted to give. Jon said if he gave one dollar that would be great. He said he's grateful for whatever he gets.
Jon and the caller went back and forth on that for a short time. Jon eventually let him go and talked about how he didn't just invite Howard to the party to get money. He invited just about everyone there and it would have been weird to leave him off the list.
The guys also talked about Sal's behavior and how they would hope that he's going to behave. Jon said sometimes it's the person you don't expect to be the asshole that ends up being the asshole. Jon said you never know who the person is who might break out the fire extinguisher.
Gary said that he once did something wrong at a party at K-Rock. Gary said that he made out with an intern at the party and the intern ended up getting fired for inappropriate behavior. Gary said he was probably 27 and she was probably 22 at the time. He didn't fire her himself.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Dane Cook isn't a fan of the show and he's not sure why Gary was saying he was. Gary said he did know the show because he knew who he was and who Artie was so he knows something. He may not have known who Blue Iris was but not everyone can listen to every minute of the show.
Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com called in and told Gary that his question to Ross did make it out on the air so that's how it got out on the air. Gary thought he was wrong about that but Mutt thought that it did make it on the air. Gary said he'd have to go back and listen to it again.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why they keep inviting Howard to these events when they know he's not going. Gary said that it's okay to invite someone if you want them to show up. Jon said it would be a bigger insult if he didn't invite him. Gary said he did that once and Howard got upset that he wasn't invited even though there was no way he was going to show up. They went to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Dr. Drew and how there's always controversy when he's on. Last time he was on Robin was upset about her 34 narcissist test results and Artie was pissed at him for trying to get him on Celebrity Rehab. Today Artie was all buddy, buddy with him. Gary said he thinks that Dr. Drew's heart is in the right place even though Artie was upset with him at one point. Gary said he helped Artie's family get Dr. Drew's contact information so they could get Artie some help when he was going through his problems.
Benjy said that he gets the feeling that Dr. Drew likes to help celebrities and he's almost like a star fucker in that way. He's not sure if he helps regular people out. He said he does seem to reach out to stars more than regular people.
Jon said Robin didn't seem appreciative of Drew today at all. She seems like she's still upset about her narcissist test. Gary said that he understands that. They took the test a couple of years ago and they didn't know what was going to happen with the results. They didn't know they were going to end up in a book.
Jon played some of Robin's reaction to the 34 thing during today's interview. Drew was apologizing to her for all of that in the clip.
Gary said that Robin didn't ask to be part of that book and she didn't seem to happy about the whole thing. Benjy said if she is a narcissist she's probably thrilled that she was though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said someone was talking about Dr. Drew doing things for attention and with celebrities only. He said he had a friend who had a heart attack in a hotel in New York and Dr. Drew ended up giving him an aspirin and saved the guy's life. He said he does seem to be a genuinely sincere person. Gary said that's what he would guess since he runs a clinic and he can't just fill it with famous people. Benjy said he's still suspicious of it.
Another caller said that Natalie Maines once said that they use the word ''clearly'' too much. Gary didn't remember that. The guy said that Howard uses ''listen'' too much to start his sentences. He asked if that's a New York thing. Gary said a friend of his is annoyed with some of the phrases that Howard uses too but you can't make everyone happy all of the time. The caller said that Howard does that impression of his mom all the time and he starts it off with ''listen'' and he wants it to stop.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that he might be late to the whole Ross breath thing. He said that Sal saying that stuff is a deflection thing. He said that it's a total deflection and he thinks that Sal just made it up. Gary said that it's not made up because they talked about it later on in the show. Vinnie said he saw John do it and he thinks that's what Sal was doing.
Vinnie apologized for bringing the show to a grinding halt and said he was going to go. Jon and Gary had some other questions for him. Jon brought up this Beatles thing that came out and it's an apple with the whole Beatles catalog in it. Vinnie said that it makes no sense.
Benjy asked Vinnie if he could help him out with his new apartment needing a couch. Vinnie said he didn't know what the reference was but he was sure it was funny. Vinnie quickly got off the phone. Benjy was referring to the Letterman apartment and couch.
Another caller brought up Gary going through the tapes for Howard's daughter and what that was like. Gary said it was like the old days going through stuff for Best of. He said that he listened to the tape on the way home and would jot down when something came up that they might want to take out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Dr. Drew is a media whore. He said he's a therapist himself and he thinks that the whole sex addiction thing isn't about helping people, it's all about him trying to get on TV and building his career. Jon asked the guy who he thinks is more accurate when Robin and Howard try to diagnose someone. The caller said that neither of them are right but Howard isn't far off when he's trying to figure out what drives a person. The guy said that Howard only knows a tiny part of what he's talking about.
The guy said that there is a debate about Robin dropping out of her therapy and he thinks that she's fine if she can make friends and run her life the way she does. Gary asked if anyone in the psychological field can be on TV and not be a media whore. The guy said that Dr. Keith Ablow is a good example of one that's not bad. They had to cut him off and end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the Yankees win last night. He said he was thinking the Phillies were going to win and he was way off. Howard said the Yankees slaughtered them last night. Artie said it was going to be the Yankees in 5. Fred said it was going to be in 6. Artie said Fred is always right.
Howard brought up how the celebration parade is going to affect everyone there in the city. Howard said he doesn't like it and he doesn't like how they have to pay for that kind of thing. Howard said what he knows about baseball and fit in a thimble but he wanted to talk about this Hideki Matsui winning MVP. He talked about how A-Rod looked like he was going to be Mr. November but then he swung away and struck out. Then this Hideki Matsui got up and just focuses and did what he had to do. Howard said the guy doesn't have a Kate Hudson sitting there watching him and he still came through.
Howard said he read about Matsui having a porno collection and how fans and non-fans like him because he seems like an ordinary person. He even trades his porn with reporters. Howard read an article where they talk about that. They say that he's a horny guy and he doesn't try to hide that fact. Howard said it would be great if the guy stole Kate Hudson away from A-Rod. Artie said he can't take anything away from A-Rod because he did help them get to the Series this season.
Howard said Jason threw himself into Artie's arms this morning when he came in and he wondered what that was about. It was about the Yankees win. Howard said it looked kind of gay to him. Artie said when the Yankees win it's really special. He said that his buddy Deej sent him a text this morning and said he misses him and he's his brother after talking about the Yankees win. He said it brings them together even after he hasn't seen the guy in 3 months. Howard asked if he texted back ''27'' in celebration. Artie laughed.
Howard said that Jason and Artie's arms were barely able to get around each other. They're two very large men. He found that kind of unusual.
Artie said the Yankees are a New York icon and it's very exciting when they win. Robin said it was their first win in the new stadium too so that was big. Howard said it was fun for him watching the game and he liked seeing Matsui driving in two runs. Robin said the Phillies seemed to be so down that it was obvious who was going to win.
Howard said Artie didn't like the Yankees in the start of the season. Artie said he believes that the team is being bought like other people are thinking. He said in the old days they weren't like that. He said he liked the 1998 Yankees and they traded David Wells and he didn't get why they did that.
Artie said that when he found out that they signed A-Rod he said there was no loyalty anymore. Artie said that the money and the new stadium got to him. He said now he realizes that it was $80,000 for tickets so he might as well be happy.
Howard asked Artie if he would ever become a Mets fan. Artie told him to ask him if he would ever suck cock. Artie said he might be forced to say he liked the Mets if some guy in prison was threatening to screw him.
Howard said after the score was 4-1 in the game last night he went to bed. Artie said he wasn't able to stay up through the whole game either. He fell asleep for some of it too.
Howard said he watched a special about Fred Gwynn that was on last night. He said he had kids who died and his marriage fell apart. He said the guy went to Harvard and he was on fire as an actor. He said he found out that Fred was in the acting program at Harvard and he was a great painter, artist and cartoonist. Howard said he wasn't great like the masters of art but he was doing okay for 5 years working at an ad agency. He said he was a jack of all trades kind of guy.
Howard said Fred was proud of that character Herman Muenster he helped create. Howard said he was kind of destroyed after that when he couldn't get a job. Howard got distracted there because the Howard TV guys put a picture of a naked woman up on his monitor.
Howard got back to the Fred Gwynn thing and said he was also a big smoker. He died of pancreatic cancer. Howard said that probably had to do with his smoking. Howard talked about Fred Gwynn getting some acting work finally when he was getting ready to retire.
Howard said Fred was a good guy but it was hard for him to connect to people. He said he was great in the shows he was starring in. Howard said the guy had a lot of tragedy in his life. He lost two kids out of the 4 he had. Howard said one died and one had a brain injury or something. He said that one son was perfect and he died from what the wife was saying. Howard wasn't sure of the details because he has no retention for stuff like that. Howard said it just seemed like it was a downer.
Robin said that the Abbott and Costello story is a sad one too because Costello lost a kid in a drowning. Howard said he's going to take out his Munsters DVDs and watch them this weekend.
Howard said a lot of fans have been sending in pictures of him dressed as an astronaut. Howard said they're very taken with the whole thing. Howard said one of the fans superimposed a picture of him and Imus in ''Toy Story'' since they had an astronaut and a cowboy.
Howard showed some of the other pictures he had and the fans were photoshopping him as an astronaut and an astronaut farmer for some reason. Howard asked Artie, as his guy who laughs at every movie character, what he thought of Brokeback Mountain. Artie did his character laughing at that. Howard said that character came from JD coming in there all the time and laughing at everything.
Howard said Gange doesn't get that eating poorly can lead to you being sick. Howard figured that out many years ago and he did something about it. Robin said she was trying to tell Gange that he has to do something but he just ignored her. Howard said she can get very loud when she tells people stuff and it can make it sound like she's mad at them. Robin said she cares a lot and she knows she can get loud.
Howard said Robin needs to approach Gange in a different way. Robin said she cares for him a lot and she knows she has to do that. She said she will eventually.
Howard asked Robin why she thinks she's so loud. She said that her family was very loud and she had to get loud to be heard. She said that her brother doesn't say a word because of that.
Howard said he ants Robin to talk to Gange in her love voice. Fred said she should be in a see through top too. Howard said Gange eats pizza and burgers all the time and that's why he's sick all the time. He said he was coddled as a kid and that's another reason. Howard said he went to a crappy school going to CW Post. Howard said that's like the 13th grade over there. Howard said he knows that B.U. is like the 13th grade too. He said it's no Harvard.
Howard said that Gange's parents threw him a huge party when he graduated from that CW Post and it was way too much for a graduation from a place like that. He said his parents must not have known that it wasn't that great of a college.
Howard said he used to be sick all the time and he had to lose weight and get healthy. Howard said Scott DePace is out this week too because both of his kids got Swine Flu. He said Doug Goodstein told him to stay home so he wouldn't get the rest of them sick. Robin said they can scare the crap out of you on the news with stories about that. Robin said they're acting like every child has this. Howard said he's not even sure if Scott's kids have it. He said Doug just told him to stay home. Robin said Scott is probably golfing.
Howard asked Will about where he grew up. Will said it was about an hour west of Philadelphia. They used to raise deer there. Will said that they sold the deer meat to high end restaurants. Howard asked if they collected piss. Will said they didn't do that. Will said that their dogs would drag deer heads into the house all the time even after his father would dump the heads a half mile from the house.
Will said that he never shot the deer himself. He said you have to be a really good marksman so they're not running around injured.
Howard asked him if he was ever upset by it. Will said it was kind of disturbing but he grew up with it so it was a way of life. Howard asked Will why he didn't grow up like Richard did. Will said he's not sure about that. Robin said Will doesn't play any gay games like Richard and his friends did.
Howard said he's glad that Will is handling the loss well. Will said he's okay with it because it's football season now. He's got that to distract him now.
Howard said he can't wait to see what Ross puts him in today. He said he should have a shirt that says he loves the Yankees or he loves cock. Howard said he could take the Phillies shirt and cut it in half and write ''I love cock'' on the back of it. Artie said that's redundant.
The caller also corrected Howard about the Curly Joe Besser thing he says on the show when talking about the Three Stooges. He said that they never called him Curly, it was just Joe. Howard said he thought it was Curly Joe but he's right that there was a Curly Joe Dorita. Gary said that his searching on the web showed that there was no Curly Joe Besser.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how he wakes up and doesn't have his dragon breath with Beth. Howard said he brushes his teeth immediately after getting up. He said he gets up, goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth. He said that Beth is the same way and she always wants to smell perfect. Howard said they both brush teeth and then meet each other. He said sometimes they kiss but they acknowledge that their breath is bad and keep their mouths shut.
Howard said you sometimes take each other for granted and start farting and shitting in front of the other person. He said he has been able to stop the farting by cutting down on his portions. Howard said he has cut down on his gas by cutting down on his portions. He said he only shits like once every two days. Robin said that is not good. She said that his system is sluggish if that's the way it's going.
The caller asked Howard if he would pick his successor if SIRIUS asked him to. Howard said he would pick Benjy. He said he gets rolling on the Wrap Up Show and he's good. Howard said he would pick Curly Joe Besser if Benjy won't do it. Howard said he's not sure who he would really pick. He said that his channels will only continue if he's there. Artie suggested David Lee Roth.
Howard said he's not sure he's going to be re-signing. He said he wants to work things differently and he's not sure it would work there. He said he knows exactly how he wants to do it but he doesn't think it would interest them. He said he thinks they want him there but he's not sure what's going to happen. Howard said he has to figure out where he's at and what he wants to do. Howard said he has an idea of what he wants to do and he's not sure it's the right time to bring it up.
Robin said that she was talking to Mel about him yesterday and he's not sure why he's upset about there. Howard said it has nothing to do with Mel and it has something to do with other things that go on there. Robin said she thinks it's a personnel thing there. Howard said she's right about that. Gary said that he thought it was about having support to expand the channels. Howard said it's not that.
Howard said he considers himself not an employee but a partner in it. He said he's rooting for the company to do well and he's like the main cheerleader for the company. He said he hates terrestrial radio and what it's become. He said the way the FCC has come down on that is ridiculous.
Howard said he has two issues in his mind that really upset him. He doesn't think he should verbalize them on the air. He said he's not sure how they can be resolved either. He said they may be legal things.
The caller predicts that if Howard leaves they will lose 4-5 million listeners and the company will go under. Howard said he thinks that they are doing so well because he brought his listeners over and that led to the companies merging. Howard said f they hadn't signed there he doesn't think that SIRIUS would be in business and XM would have won. Howard said Mel Karmazin coming there was also a big help. Howard said it was his show and Mel getting together that helped SIRIUS beat XM and eventually merge with them.
Howard said he had a meeting with the XM people years ago and he told them that if they didn't get back to him and hire him, he would go to SIRIUS and they would beat them. He said they smirked at him and waited too long. Howard said SIRIUS acted quickly and hired him before XM got back to him. Howard said that XM had to go to their board before they could hire him. He said he told them that if he signed with SIRIUS he was going to make sure they were going to go down and he would be their worst nightmare. They were then the enemy to him.
Howard said every guy who sat in that meeting with him from XM is now gone. Howard said every single one of them is gone. The caller asked if he likes playing that role. Howard said he doesn't like playing it but he felt he was forced into it when they smirked at him and told him to go ahead and give it a try at SIRIUS.
Howard said he's been doing this his whole career. He said that no one ever listens to him. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that they have to go to a board to decide on his future.
Gary came in and said that Howard's name has become synonymous with SIRIUS and no one else has. He said that Oprah Winfrey has other interests. Gary said that if Jamie Foxx goes on a show he may not be talking about SIRIUS all the time. Robin said she's not sure he talks about it at all. Gary said he did early on.
Howard said that if Rush Limbaugh came to SIRIUS he would not bring in any listeners like he did. Howard said that his fans have other shows they can listen to like Glenn Beck. Howard said it's all the same with those guys and the fans of those shows aren't going to pay to hear those shows.
Howard said there are no other guys in radio who can bring millions of listeners. Howard said his fans will go with him wherever he goes. Howard said he's not sure why God gave him this gift but it's a curse sometimes. The caller asked if he would give all of that up for good looks and a big cock. Howard said he's not sure about that. He doesn't think he would give up his radio talent. Howard thought about it and said he's pretty sure he wouldn't give it up.
Howard said his life would have been easier if he was good looking like Brad Pitt. He said he's very happy with Beth though. He said he sees pictures of himself and he's shocked. He said he's never seen a face like this. He said he looks in the mirror and he doesn't look so bad but in pictures it's really bad. Howard said he's not sure why women fall for him. He said he's going out to a function tonight and he knows that there will be pictures of him that just don't look like him. He said he knows he gets all made up for nothing. He said it's insane.
Howard said he may bring his astronaut helmet with him tonight to this event he's going to. Howard said he will start out wearing it little by little just like Imus did with his cowboy hat. Howard said he wants to bring that helmet with him tonight so he can start that trend.
Howard asked Robin who he's better looking than. Robin said that he's better looking than Woody Allen. Howard had his visor down and burped in there so he had to raise his visor. Howard said that Lady Gaga can wear those sheets over her head and she gets congratulated for that. Howard said he should be able to do that too.
Robin said that Howard is better looking than Michael J Pollen and the retarded kid in Deliverance. She said he's better looking than Jeff Goldblum too. Howard said he didn't think he was but Robin insisted he was. She said he was better looking than Paul Giamatti. Howard said he thinks that Bubba is better looking than him.
Howard said Bubba's wife has been showing pictures of her asshole on their Twitter account. Howard said Bubba is a sweetheart and he heard that he went off on SIRIUS about whatever it is that's bothering him.
Robin said that Mel told her that they hadn't spoken to him yet because they were waiting for him to decide what he wants to do. Howard said his agent is the one saying that he doesn't know. Howard said Don wants to keep him working. Howard said he pretty much tells him what he really thinks. Howard said he tells people to go to Don all the time since he has been so good for him. He said he doesn't want to second guess Don.
Another caller said he called in last week and sparked up the whole astronaut helmet thing. He said it's the funniest thing on Howard TV. Howard said he has a tree costume to try out too. Howard wondered if Beth would be upset if he showed up in that helmet. Howard said maybe she'd start adapting to the situation and get her own outfit.
Howard threw out some more names to Robin and asked if he was better looking than them. Howard asked if he was better than Jay Leno and a bunch of other guys. Robin said he was better looking than Jay. Howard threw out names like Lyle Lovett and other ugly guys who he was pretty sure he was better looking than.
Howard said no adult wants to be at something like that. He said that those kids get up and start singing in Hebrew words and if you had a gun you'd shoot yourself. He said most of the kids can't sing a note. He said it's awful and no one wants to sit through that kind of thing.
Howard played the audio of one of his recitals of the Hebrew stuff. Howard said it goes on and on and on and no one wants to sit through that. Howard said it means nothing to anyone because they can't understand a word. Robin said that you never use it again in your life either. Howard said people ask you if you're going to continue your Hebrew studies but no one is doing that either. Howard said you might as well be speaking Klingon. He said it's a joke.
Howard said he got the invite to Jon's daughter's invite and he said ''Uh oh!'' when he got it. Howard said he saw that it was for Jon's kid and he went ''Oh... Jesus Christ...'' and he's not going to that. He said the parties are for children, not for adults. Howard said it's a kid's party. He said he'd get a headache going to that.
Robin said that JD was at the last one in line to play Guitar Hero. Howard said that's lame an he should take up real guitar. Howard said that's not going to get you laid being able to play fake guitar. Gary had a picture of the guys holding their Guitar Hero guitars at the last party. Artie went into his character that laughs at everything and laughed at that picture.
Howard said he loves Jon and his family but he'd rather get together with Jon and his wife for dinner instead of going to a party like this. Howard said he doesn't need to start in with everyone.
Howard said he had to come up with a figure to give to Jon's daughter and get it out of the way. Jon told Howard he doesn't have to send a dime. Howard asked how much he wants. Jon said he's not going to say anything. Howard wanted a number from Jon but Jon would just say that he wanted Howard to come to the party. Howard said he wants him to give him a number. Jon wouldn't give him one and he said they were at an impasse.
The caller said that he thinks that $2,500 would be very generous. He said that $1,500 would be respectable. Howard said the caller isn't giving anyone that kind of money. Howard said if Jon was really honest he would tell him the number he has in his head. Howard asked Jon what would be too little. Howard said if he sent just $100 then he would say it's too little. Jon said he doesn't spend anyone else's money. He said it's supposed to be a multiple of 18. Lisa G told them that $180 is a good number to give.
Howard said he hates the service they have before the party. Howard said he would beat himself over his head if he did that. Howard said Imus showed up to Al Rosenberg's kid's service and brought a little TV with him so he could watch it. He was watching a Giants game that day. Howard said if you want to watch a Giants game you should just stay away.
Howard said at least he stays away. He said he won't ruin it for everyone like Imus would. Howard told Jon he'll think about it and he'll get back to him. He asked him one last time about how much he wanted but Jon wasn't saying. Howard said he thinks that $500 would be a lot of money for someone who doesn't go to the party. He said other people will think he's cheap though. Howard said $500 is a lot of money but it might not be what it used to be. Howard said the kid is 12 years old and she's getting $500. Howard said it might not be appropriate to give a 12 year old that kind of money.
Robin said Howard has met these kids. They were on the show once. Howard said he just met them once. Jon said it was a couple of times. Artie said he met them and he's pretty sure they don't like him. Howard had to wrap up with that a short time later.
Howard got in a quick plug for the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show they're doing on Howard 101 at 2pm tomorrow. Howard mentioned that Jeff Probst and Natalie Maines will be hosting. They have guests like Jerry O'Connell, Mark McGrath and Christa Miller as well. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he wasn't into Bruce in the past but he is good. Robin agreed and said that Howard is better looking than Bruce Hornsby too. Howard said he likes this song. He said it must be his getting older and maturing that makes him appreciate his talent. He said with a little practice he could win American Idol.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and he thinks that some of the audience is just stupid. He said he mentioned he had given his daughter the Eminem interview that he did years ago. They took a call on the show and the guy thought that it was like Tom censoring the show when Howard asked him to edit it. Howard said that Tom censored the bits because of the FCC. Howard was concerned with his daughter hearing something that he said and that's responsible parenting. It's not the same thing.
Howard said they have the History of Howard Stern Part 3 coming up later this year. Howard said they have these spectacular specials that the Tapes Team puts together. They've got a whole plan laid out for these specials that they're running for the rest of the time they're there.
Howard said he had a little taste of what Part 3 was going to sound like. He played the trailer that they had created for the special. They had a bunch of clips of Howard and a bunch of guests from the show talking about the show.
After the very long trailer Howard and Robin talked about some of the clips that were played in it. Howard said that's just some of the stuff they'll be covering in Part 3 of the History of Howard Stern. Robin said she didn't even remember being interviewed for that part. Howard said he did some stuff at his home talking about that stuff. They had a few guys over to talk about the old stuff. Gary was there to help because he remembers everything.
Howard had a clip that he wanted to play that he had pulled recently. Howard said this guy Keith Bardwell refused to perform an interracial marriage and he was on the Today Show explaining that. Howard played the audio of that interview where the guy talked about how he's concerned for the children of people who are in an interracial relationship. The guy said that he doesn't have to perform the ceremony. The guy is a judge and he said that he didn't do it is because he had countless numbers of people who were born into that situation and the kids weren't accepted by either the blacks or the whites. The interviewer asked if he should just be upholding the law and not deciding who can get married. The guy said he can't deny a marriage but he wasn't preventing it, he was just refusing to do the ceremony. He said that if someone is intoxicated or on drugs he can recuse himself from that as well. The interviewer said that they should remove his license but the guy said he was an elected official so he can't have a license taken away. Keith then said that he sent the people to someone who would marry them and he doesn't see what the problem is.
Howard said the guy is a real jackass. He said that the guy was a Justice of the Peace and he's not sure if he's a real lawyer or not. Robin and Howard talked about how the guy has resigned or been fired or something. Howard said he thinks he resigned. Howard said he read something about this today. He said they had a tiny article about him and they said that he was gone.
Howard said that Riley was complaining about reading live commercials and Eron told him that he was a mother fucker and he told the people at SIRIUS he would do it no problem but then he was giving him a hard time. Riley accused him of having his tongue up Howard's ass. Howard said he never even gets to see this guy Eron. Riley and Eron were going at it pretty good and he has to get permission to play it. Howard said he's pretty sure Eron would be fine with him playing it because he sounds perfectly sane in the clip.
Howard asked where Lisa was. Shuli said she's out in Los Angeles covering the new Howard 101 special with Tim Stack that starts tonight at midnight. Howard said Tim is a real funny guy who did Son of the Beach with him. Robin said he wrote for ''My Name is Earl'' too. Shuli Jeff Bridges is going to be on the show with Tim tonight. Howard said he loves Jeff Bridges. Howard said he has done some great movies and he's a cool dude.
Shuli said that they have a new Celebrity Superfan Roundtable tomorrow too so Lisa will be covering that as well. Shuli said that Sal and Jon Hein play a game of ''Guess the Race'' as they're driving home from work every day. They guess by the make and model of the car. Shuli said Jon is supposed to be really good at it. Howard said they should shoot that for Howard TV and make a whole game show out of it. He said that's a good one for them to have on there since they have a bunch of new shows.
Shuli said it could be like Cash Cab but with race. Howard said they could have people playing along with them. Shuli said that Jon is supposed to be so good that he picked out a wigger based on the Lexus he was driving that was all pimped out with tinted windows and big wheels. Howard mentioned that the new Beetlejuice show ''This is Beetle'' has the second show premiering today.
Shuli said they have some news about Jackie being nominated for an award out on Long Island for having the best personality. Howard asked who he's up against. He's up against Boomer Esison, Christie Brinkley and Joan Jett. Shuli also said that he's got his Joke Master Jr. out in all Pottery Barn kids stores. Howard said that thing can't sell more than 3.
Gary said that Riley has a beef with them and if he helps Riley with that then he'll let them play the clip. Howard said he thought it was some of the best radio he's heard and he would like to play it.
Riley said his beef is that he didn't get paid for the last show he did with Dr. Keith. He said that Tim owes him 2 and a half hours of pay. Riley said that Tim isn't paying him and he wants to know why that is. Howard asked Tim to come in and let him know what's going on.
Howard said that they should end the show already because it's causing him too much agida. Tim came in and told Riley that he has 60 days to get paid. Tim yelled at him that he's nuts and out of his mind. Tim said that he's making him crazy and he has 60 days to get paid because of the way he's employed there. Riley asked why he won't pay him.
Tim said that Riley wants to be paid immediately and it doesn't work like that. Howard asked if they can get him his check quicker. Tim said he can try but he's on a regular payment plan and he's not the one who sends the checks out. Tim said that they keep Riley up to date on all of that stuff. He said Jared calls him every week.
Howard told Riley they have to end the show. Riley said that no one has to wait 60 days for a pay check. Robin said that he had a contract and he blew that so now he has to deal with the 60 day rule.
Tim said that they paid Riley for a session the first time and that was a flat rate, not an hourly rate. He said that he will check out what's going on with the check and he will let him know. Tim ran off to check into that.
Riley told Howard to go ahead and play the audio he had. Howard said he knows that Riley wanted to be paid to do the live commercial read. Riley said he would like to be paid. Howard said it seems that Riley is very hard to manage and he feels bad for Eron.
Howard played the clip of Eron and Riley arguing and Eron was yelling at Riley about agreeing to do a live commercial and he was refusing to do it. Riley said that he thought it was a promo and not a commercial. Eron told Riley that he should have told them ''no'' if he didn't want to do it. Riley told Eron to go stick his nose up Howard's ass some more. Eron told Riley to shut the fuck up about it if he agreed to do it. Eron said he always agrees to do shit and then when it comes to it he doesn't know what he agreed to do.
Riley told Eron he was going to kick his ass out of his house before he had to kill him. Eron said he was just trying to advise him on how to do this stuff and it was very hard.
Howard said Eron knows how to talk to Riley and he's right. Riley said that he knows that and that's why he has him around. He said that he has to talk squarely around him. Riley said he can't get around this paycheck thing where Tim tells him he's going to get the check the next day but then says it can be up to 2 months.
Howard told Riley this job causes him too much pain. Riley said Howard has been causing him a lot of pain but the job doesn't cause him much pain at all.
Howard asked why he agrees to this stuff and then thinks that he didn't agree to it. Riley said that they fool him into thinking he's just doing a promo and not a whole commercial. Robin said Riley isn't listening. Howard said he feels bad for Eron.
Howard said this show is causing him too many problems and they really need to get rid of it. Riley said that's what he's been saying and he should just fire him if he doesn't want him there. Howard said Riley should quit. He said even Eron suggested that.
Riley said that there is no way anyone can drive a wedge between him and Eron. Howard wasn't trying to do that. He said that he thinks that Eron is the only one who can get through to him. Howard said Eron is the brains of the operation. Riley said he doesn't mind doing the commercial if he knows what he's doing. He said that Steven Singer is a good man and he's not saying anything bad about him.
Robin said that Riley has so many demands that can't be met. Howard said he wanted to talk to him like Eron does but he just can't do it. Howard told Riley that it's clear to him that the way the company is run he will never get paid in the time frame he wants to. Riley said he did for 3 years. Howard said things have changed and it's obvious that he should leave. Riley told him to fire him then. Howard said he doesn't want to fire him. He said he likes him working there but this seems to be causing Riley too many problems.
Riley said that if Tim had just told him that they don't have to pay him for 60 days then he would be fine. He said he didn't have to say he would get his check the next day. Robin asked him if he can live with that. Riley said he understands that now. Howard said he wanted to get off the phone but Robin said that Riley is never going to get it if they don't tell him now how things are going to work.
Howard said he thinks it's straightened out but he's not sure. Riley wanted them to tell him something that's true up there. Howard said he doesn't know what's true or not. Riley said that they still owe him money up there.
Howard told Riley to promote his next show. Riley said he's on Tuesday nights at Midnight and they may do a Thanksgiving special from his home too. Howard asked Riley how much money he's giving Jon Hein's daughter for her Bat Mitzvah. Riley laughed and said he didn't want to say anything untoward anyone there.
Howard asked Riley who will be at his house for Thanksgiving. Riley said he has several neighbors, Eron, his wife and some other people who will pop in and out all day. Howard said he's looking forward to that. He said he's looking forward to him calling in about not getting paid for that special too. Howard let him go and went to break after that.
Howard asked where that came from. Fred said it was Paul McCartney doing a live version of the song from 1993. Howard listened to that and talked about the song a bit with Fred.
Howard said they had that Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert recently and he'd like to know who Robin would want to see on stage. Robin said she would like Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones and Clapton. Howard said he would leave Clapton out. He said he would put Prince in there too. Robin agreed with him on that. Howard said he would also put Metallica. Robin said she'd like KoRn. Howard said he'd also like Crosby Stills and Nash or maybe Neil Young. Robin said she'd like to see Steely Dan too. The rest of the guys didn't like that one. Artie went into his character that laughs at all the unfunny stuff and laughed at Steely Dan.
Howard said that Steely Dan was a vibrator. Howard said she could go to the Beacon and see them. Howard said she'd rather see Cheap Trick over them. Robin said she would not.
Howard said Scott the Engineer was out in Las Vegas doing a couple of appearances and he really wants him to play the clips. Howard said he was going to keep torturing Scott by not playing the clips. He said that Scott is getting gigs and he's also getting thinner. Scott said he's eating healthier and he's lost 60 pounds.
Scott said he's doing some cardio on an elliptical machine. Howard said he'd love to see video of that. Scott said he can't run because he has weak lungs. Robin said he's using the same lungs on that elliptical machine. Howard told him to go out and run and drop dead. Scott said he probably would.
Howard said he was going to play Scott's clips. Scott already got 2 more gigs out there. Scott said he was treated like a rock star out there. He said they gave him a suite at Cesars's Palace and flew him out there. Not first class though. Scott said this was at Pure in Cesars's Palace. Howard asked Robin why they would hire Scott to do this. Robin said they must need promotion. Scott said the owner is a big fan of the show.
Howard played the clips of Scott being introduced at the club and Scott was trying to joke around about some stuff with him but Howard said he always falls flat when he tries to joke around. Artie's laughing character was laughing at what Scott was saying.
The guy introducing Scott, Hollywood, said that Scott was one of the funniest guys in the world. Scott was introduced and then he came up and did his DJ thing. Scott was ''beat mixing'' the songs they had coming up. Scott said they had it all set up on the computer and he had to figure out when to start the songs. Scott was telling the people at the club that they had Shaggy coming up after him. He's a singer that Howard didn't recognize even though the guy was on the show one time.
Howard played more of Scott talking to the crowd and trying to get them pumped up to dance that night. Scott told everyone to get out on the dance floor and raise their hands. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott doing his thing. They were goofing on Scott about his bowling and how he tried to go out bowling on 9/11.
Howard said the Howard TV guys were out there and they're going to have a special featuring that. They showed some of the video of Scott dancing like an asshole. Howard asked Scott if this was the worst thing in the world for him. Scott said he really enjoyed it. Howard said it didn't look like he was.
Howard heard that Scott was out in the hall bitching about being taxed on his winnings from bowling. Scott said that they have a pot or a 50/50 for the winner and the New Jersey government has started going around to the bowling alleys for having illegal gambling. He said that it was just guys throwing in a few bucks. He said they considered it illegal gambling. Howard said that's more like having a private party and playing poker. Scott said they won't let people throw money into a pot now because they have to tax the money. Howard said that does sound kind of creepy.
Howard goofed on Scott some more about the whole gambling thing and his DJ gig out in Vegas. Howard asked when his new gig is. Scott said he's doing one on November 28th and another one on December 12th. Scott said he goes out on Friday night and does the gig on Saturday and then comes right home on Sunday.
Howard played more of Scott's DJing. Scott was talking about partying all night long and mentioning that he was from the Howard Stern Show. Robin asked if they had ever heard a DJ like that. Howard said it's like Herman Munster being a DJ.
Howard asked Scott about the vest he was wearing. Scott said that was just dress pants, a shirt and a vest. Howard asked what was up with his dancing. Fred said it looked like he was on the subway holding on. Artie said it looked like Doug Henning meets Lou Albano. Scott said he was just having a good time.
Howard played some more of Scott introducing some songs and said that maybe they hired Scott because they were too popular and they were trying to limit the number of people. Scott said he was only there for an hour. He said he went from 11 to 12 that night. Scott said he might do a longer gig if he can stay up.
Howard said he heard about this college football coach lost it and started freaking out on his players for listening to their fat little girlfriend's and that's why they lost. Howard said it's probably just one guy who has a fat girlfriend and that's the one that the coach is talking about.
Howard played the clip of the coach talking about how they failed and how he was blaming the fat little girlfriend's. Howard wondered why all of these coaches are so angry. He said that they're a little too pressured to be playing these games.
Gary told Howard that the coach is apparently a big fan of Howard's. He read that he's been quoted as talking about Howard before. Howard said he likes this guy Mike Leach then.
Howard said these guys get really pissed though and he doesn't get it. Howard said these guys end up teaching gym class in schools and they're always hard asses.
Howard said Artie went on Jimmy Fallon's show a couple of weeks ago and he hasn't seen it yet. Artie said that he hasn't even seen it. He said he has TiVo and a computer and he doesn't know how to use either one of them. Howard said he must know how to pause and rewind and stuff. Artie said he chooses not to care about it.
Howard said Artie was on almost the whole hour there on Fallon's show. Artie said they were very nice about letting him stay on as long as they did. He said Jimmy is a great guy too. Artie said they had a hot chick coming out and a chef on the show so they had him stick around.
Howard played the first clip where Jimmy introduced Artie and the band played the Biggie Smalls song that Artie always sings. Howard said it's funnier when Artie sings it but Artie said they were just trying to relate to him somehow.
In the clip Artie came out and joked about skipping a spin class to do the show. He talked about the Yankees and how he thinks the whole team should be banging Kate Hudson since it was working for A-Rod. Jimmy told a story about A-Rod looking at him and he thinks that he doesn't like him. Artie told him that he's delusional. Artie said he gets in the front row and calls him Gay-Rod.
Artie was joking about Hayden Panettiere and saying her name wrong so Jimmy joked about that with him. Artie was also joking about getting ecstasy from the Asian chef that was back stage.
Howard said Artie was on fire on that show. Artie said he thinks that the chef was bumped because of how long they went.
Howard played another clip where Jimmy asked Artie about going to Afghanistan and performing for the troops. Artie talked about that and how great this one kid was to him over there. Artie told the story that he's told about the kid joking about how fat he was. Artie was joking about all of the guys he was over in Afghanistan with and said the only person they were missing was Sinbad. Artie said they were under attack at one point over there and the kid who was in charge of him told him that he shouldn't be scared because if one of the bombs hit them, they'd just be dust and they wouldn't feel anything. He also said that Artie would be a lot of dust but he would be dust.
Howard had another clip where Artie talked about doing a PSA for kids. Artie screws up and says that he's at CBS and then says he thought he was at CBS because he saw someone banging interns in the back. Artie joked that he bangs interns at the show too. Artie said that it was just a joke and he actually kind of screwed up the network thing. Artie said he didn't plan the mistaking the network thing.
Jimmy told a story about going to a wedding with Artie and how he had him laughing all night. Artie said he was at a wedding so he was on coke. Artie went on to do his PSA and said that this is what he has learned. Artie said that if you give a hooker money to go and get weed, she will never come back with the weed.
Howard said he liked that appearance. He said he had some other clips with Artie and Olivia Munn talking about technology. Artie said she's a hot chick and she's on a show called ''Attack of the Show'' on G4. Howard played a clip of Olivia talking about having a computer and Artie saying that he didn't have one. Artie said he doesn't have one and he uses a piece of paper and a pencil. Artie also mentioned he has a 25 year old girlfriend. He said if he was a plumber she'd be 62. Artie was saying that when you tell a 25 year old you've never sent an email they look at you like you're wearing a Civil war costume. Olivia said that she just anted to talk to Artie and stop the interview. She said she always imagined that threesome. Artie said that with her he was one person off. He said that Jimmy was usually Heidi Klum. He said when the ecstasy kicked in he was going to bang the band's tuba. Olivia told him that if he can get friction with that then he deserves a 25 year old. Artie said that Jimmy was going to be working at a car wash if they keep talking like that.
Howard said that was nice too. He said that Artie was working his way into that segment. Howard said Olivia looked hot and they were paneling and he loved it. Howard said he's proud of him. Artie thanked him for that.
Artie stuck around for Susan Sarandon when she came on the show. She has a ping pong place that he has gone to since they did the show. Artie said that they have a private room with a really expensive ping pong table in it. He said that he was doing stand-up in the city the other night and he got invited over there. He said they were going to show the movie she's in and Susan gave him a personal tour of the place. Artie said the place has a full bar, tons of hot chicks and a ton of tables. Howard said that sounds fun to him. Artie said they have guys who pick up the balls from the floor and bring them up.
Artie said that Susan Sarandon was there at the club and she was in a loose t-shirt just hanging out. Howard said he used to go to bars where they played darts. That can be pretty dangerous. Artie said that even pool can be dangerous.
Artie said the club is cool and there must have been 50 tables in the room. Then they have this private room that has the nice table in it. He said the club is called Spin.
Howard played a clip of Artie playing ping pong with Susan Sarandon and Olivia. He was joking around about how he couldn't believe Susan was there and Susan said she couldn't believe it either.
Howard said he used to talk to Tim Robbins, Susan's husband, but he stopped after he didn't go to see a play that Tim was in.
Artie said that he was hypnotized by Susan's breasts. Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show has been great lately. He said that Robin has been hot and everyone has been really good. He was trying to ask Artie a question but Howard bailed out on the call saying he knew the guy was going nowhere.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up a story about a guy who fucked a horse and didn't get a lot of time in jail. Howard said the guy should get more than he got. Howard said those people are fucked up and they should be in jail much longer. Robin said the horse may not have minded it though. Howard said that they should get a horse to fuck the guy. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was thinking about Freddie Mercury the other day. He said he must have died like 20 years ago now.
Howard mentioned they had Jay sitting in the studio. He won the chance to come into the studio in a charity auction. Howard found out he's single and told Robin that she may want to date him. Jay said that he's working on finding someone to marry though.
Robin told Howard that Freddie Mercury died in 1991. Howard said that's 20 years. He told her to do the math. Howard got back to Jay and talked to him a little more about dating Robin. Howard said that Robin has a very fancy apartment that he'd have to deal with. They showed Jay the recamier couch she has. Howard said that's one of her fancy things. Howard said Robin rented an apartment one time and she did a remodel in there. He told her she was nuts to do that.
Howard told Robin that she was crazy for putting so much money into that apartment. She had it out on Staten Island and he knew she wasn't going to stay there for long. Howard said he told their agent to talk to her about that. Howard said Don told him that wasn't his place to do that. Howard said it wasn't his place either and he didn't want to get yelled at. Howard said Robin yells a lot and she reminds him of his mother when she does that.
Howard said his mom always yelled at him when he was growing up. He did his impression of her telling him what to do. He said he hears Robin starting with him and that's what he remembers.
Howard said that the stuff she had built in that place wouldn't fit anywhere else. Robin said she didn't bring that with her. She has all of her other stuff. Howard said he may have to gag Robin before he tells her anything so she can't respond.
Howard asked Jay if he has a big penis. He said he's been told it's big. He said he has like 7 inches. Howard said he doesn't even have half of that. Fred played a bunch of clips of Robin saying she only needs 4 inches and she needs a cock. Robin said the only problem is that Jay lives in Texas. Howard asked if he's getting any chicks. Jay said he hasn't had much action in the past year or so. He said it's kind of a Dana situation with her hanging around in the background all the time.
Howard asked Artie if he still talks to Dana. Artie said ''No, not really.'' Howard asked if she was mad when he got the new girlfriend. Artie laughed and said he didn't know. Robin asked if he had to call her and let her know. Artie asked ''what else was in the news Robin?'' Howard said he must have let her know on the air. Artie said she didn't hear about it on the air. Artie said he had never looked forward to getting to the Mike Walker Game so much before.
Howard wanted to find out more about how he handled the Dana thing. Artie said he handled it the way he's handled stuff in his life. That meant it must not have gone very well.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said he was up close and personal with Gary's toe fungus. He was there to see the laser treatment he got. Howard said that's gross.
Steve said that Artie came in just 5,270 votes too low to win as Mayor of Hoboken. He had a total of 8 write in votes. Steve said that Medicated Pete is also going to be doing some stand-up comedy this week in Princeton, New Jersey. He got in some plugs for the new Tim Stack show and the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show that's on tomorrow.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon had a list of what they were going to try and discuss today on the show.
Howard mentioned that Will was putting on the belly shirt that Ross was making him wear today. He came into the studio and showed Howard the shirt. Will said that it didn't say anything on the back and it wasn't as bad as he thought. He said it was a belly shirt though. Will said he has to wear it all day long. Howard said he should have had a pink shirt with the Phillies on it and it should have said ''I love to suck cock.''
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line next. Mutt said they're going to be doing the final week of the Superfan giveaway. They're also going to talk about the leak thing with JD, Jared and Ronnie. Howard said he thinks that if he had punished Jared he would have jumped out a window and committed suicide. Howard said he had to calm him down because he was almost crying and shitting his pants over the whole thing. Howard said they would have called him cruel if he had punished him.
Mutt said they'll also be talking about the Thanksgiving special and who they think should be on it. They're also going to try and figure out what Howard wants to do to stay there at SIRIUS. Howard said he has something in mind but he's not saying what it is yet. Howard said there is a way he would stay there. Mutt asked if it would include removing that picture of Oprah in the lobby. Howard said of course it would. He said that he'd also want a whole space craft to go along with his astronaut helmet. Mutt said they'll be talking about that tonight as well. That's on at 7pm on Howard 101.
Ralph was also on the phone to promote Geektime. They're doing the show from 2 to 5 this time. They have a bunch of interviews with some people from Comic-Con and they'll be discussing a bunch of geeky stuff. They're also going to discuss the DirecTV commercial with David Spade and the late Chris Farley. Ralph said that some people find that very disturbing. Geektime is on Saturday from 2 to 5pm on Howard 101.
Howard said he read that Chris Farley's family was okay with the commercial and they were saying that it will keep Chris Farley's memory alive. Howard said he's not sure why Spade would want to be part of that though. Artie said he believes that it must have been a joint decision and it wasn't just so Spade could make some money. Artie said that David is very close to Chris' brothers and he wouldn't do anything to hurt the family. Howard said the commercial is creepy.
Howard said he likes the number 4 song which was Miley Cyrus ''Party in the USA.'' Howard said they can make fun of him if they want. He said he knows that Robin isn't going to like it. Howard said his daughter says it's catchy but she said she doesn't like the song. Howard said he's embracing it and saying he likes it.
Howard said he even thinks Miley is kind of hot. Artie said it makes him want to cry that Howard likes that song. Jay didn't like it either. Robin said that it's like nails on a chalkboard to her. Howard said he loves all kinds of music and his tastes haven't changed. He said he likes the video too.
Howard said the song isn't great like old music is but the song is catchy. Howard said he likes some of the Britney Spears early stuff too.
Ralph called in and asked if he had seen the Miley Cyrus concert video. Howard hadn't seen it. Ralph said that it's kind of fun to watch that and the music isn't that bad. He said that Miley is kind of cute and it's good stuff. Howard thanked him for sticking up for him.
Howard wondered if they would play that kind of stuff at Jon Hein's daughter's bat mitzvah. He said he might go if they do.
Howard played ''Run This Town'' next. That was the last song in the top 5. The song was Jay-Z, Kanye West and Rihanna. Fred played some audio clips during that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he reminds him of Obama when he speaks. The guy also said that he hung up on him earlier and that was rude. Howard hung up on him again.
Robin read that the woman who lost her face to the chimp who ripped it off. They're suing the family of the woman who owned it and also suing the state of Connecticut. Howard wondered why they would sue the state. Robin said that they should have never allowed the woman to keep the chimpanzee. Howard said he can imagine animal activists getting up in arms if they didn't let her keep the thing as a pet.
Howard said that Kevin Kraft has a sugar glider and that thing attacked his roommate. Gary said that Tom Chiusano has a giant pig living at his house. The pig is his son's pet. Gary said Tom told him that they have so much shit in the yard they had to build a latrine for the thing to shit in. He said the pig is like over 100 pounds. Howard said that's just wrong. Artie said that if you ask any guy over 60 years old they'll probably tell you they have an enormous pig living in their house.
Robin mentioned that Janine Lindemulder is going to be trying to fight for the custody of her child she had with Jesse James. Janine had to go to prison for tax evasion and now Jesse and Sandra Bullock don't want to give the kid back to her. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. He said he has some tape of Janine talking about it during a Good Morning America interview. He played that clip and Janine was asking why they felt they had the right to take away her daughter. Janine said she thinks that Sandra thinks she's saving her daughter from her and that's not right. Janine was saying that the accusations from Sandra came out of nowhere because she's never had the chance to sit down and talk to her one on one.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan and her dad still going at it. Her father apparently gave a tape of a conversation they had to a web site. Lindsay Tweeted out that her father is a loser after he did that. Her father says he released the tape to show that his daughter is not doing fine.
Robin read that President Obama was at a school talking about his daughter's grades. He was also talking about how she was depressed after she got a 73 on a test. Howard wondered why he would do that. He said that's probably not the right thing to do. He said you shouldn't use your kid as an example.
Robin read a story about a missing child in Florida and how the family claimed the kid just disappeared. Robin said they found the kid under the babysitter's bed, alive. Robin said that she was missing for 5 days. Robin said that people have been detained in the case. The kid was in a box under the bed of this babysitter's house. Robin said the babysitter and the father are related but they don't think the father had anything to do with the disappearance.
Robin read about a cat that has the H1N1 virus and it may have gotten it from people. Howard said that's amazing. The cat may have gotten sick from a cat. Robin said that they always say that the animals can't transfer sickness to people but that may not be true. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about this issue. Howard wondered why they're calling it the H1N1 virus. Robin said they pork industry was taking a hit because of it being called the swine flu. Robin said that the cat and the person who had the virus have both recovered.
Howard imagined what would happen if he got the virus from his cat. Fred played a cat sound and a Henry Hill coughing clip that sounds really nasty. Artie said nothing can kill that guy. The mob couldn't kill him, that cough couldn't kill him...
Robin read a story about Rihanna coming out and talking about her experiences with Chris Brown. Robin had Howard play some of her music and a clip of Rihanna talking about what happened to her and how it can happen to anyone. Howard said he likes her blonde hair. Artie said she is hot. Robin had more clips of Rihanna talking about how some guys end up killing girls when they abuse them like that.
Robin had a story about Mariah Carey being in a new movie. She had some audio of Mariah talking about the stuff she's gone though and how she's writing a book about it. She was on Larry King talking about that stuff. Howard was goofing on the way she was taking a breath like Darth Vader in a clip he played. Howard said they take this stuff so seriously on that show. Robin had some audio of Mariah talking about her impressions of love when she was younger and how things didn't work out. Howard was doing his impression of Larry King and saying that he would be dead within 8 months. Howard said the guy looks like he's caving in. Howard said he should be the new host of that show when Larry is gone. He said Ryan Seacrest's name has been thrown around.
Robin read about the Yankees win and how they're having the parade tomorrow at 4pm. Howard said he feels bad for everyone who has to get around the city. Robin said they're saying it should cost about $300,000 for the parade. They're hoping that private donors will pick up the tab like they did last time.
Robin said that Yankee fans were rushing to sporting goods stores to pick up Yankees merchandise. Howard wondered what you do with that crap. Robin had some audio of some fans talking about their team's win. That led to them playing some audio of some Yankee fans from the past talking about the Red Sox. Howard told Gary to send someone out to interview people tomorrow.
Yucko the Clown called in and went off on the Yankees. He said that he saw Kurt Russell was there at the game beaming that his daughter was getting banged by that ''spic.'' He got off the phone pretty quick after that. Howard said he didn't even hang up on him. Artie said he doesn't believe that Yucko even has a TV.
Robin had some audio of a 911 call that a priest made after he was stabbed. Then he got cut off and the dispatchers called back. They had the audio of that and someone answered and said there was no emergency. That was the killer who picked up and said there was nothing wrong. They found the body of the priest the next morning.
Howard asked Artie why he didn't bet on the Yankees. Artie said he stopped gambling and found out he's not that big of a sports fan when he stops. He said that he's off the gambling thing and he stopped right before the NBA finals. Artie said that he was told if he quit everything at once he'd fail all at once. He said he's still smoking and he realizes he smokes too much.
Artie said that he won't bet with a bookie now but if he was at a casino he would still bet. He said that a bookie is too dangerous. He said it's too easy to place a bet over the phone. He said this was the first time in 25 years he hasn't had a bet on the World Series.
Robin read about this guy John Allen Mohammed who is supposed to be executed in a week. Howard said that he'd go out and do a trip on the road for SIRIUS to watch that. Robin said that they've filed a motion to stop the execution because he may be too mentally ill to be put to death. Howard said of course he's ill, he killed people for no reason. They had a jury member talking about how they found out that he had all kinds of child abuse and stuff in his life so she wouldn't have been for the death penalty if they knew that. Howard said people are so stupid. He said that they dress up these guys in court and they feel bad for them. Howard said the guy was laying in a special car with another guy and just shooting people randomly. Howard said the guy was competent enough to do that and he should be executed.
Robin read a story about a guy by the name of Shel Dorf who is the creator of Comic-Con. He just passed away at the age of 76. Robin said he launched the conventions in 1970 when they only had 300 people. This year they had over 100,000 show up. Robin said he hasn't had anything to do with the convention for the past 20 years.
Jay asked Howard if he thinks that they'll have conventions about Howard when he's gone in 40 years. Howard said they will and they'll lock them all up and gas them. Jay said he thinks that would be a lot of fun to have a Howard Stern convention.
Robin said she ran into Pat Cooper yesterday. She said she was on her way to a yoga class and he was in the same building. Pat knew all about the OTB betting place there. Robin said that Pat was looking good and sent his regards to everyone.
Robin read about a book that Barack Obama's half brother wrote. Robin had some audio clips of the guy talking about his book.
Robin read about David Hasselhoff getting into an altercation with someone at a casino. Robin said that may be in preparation for his new reality show. The casino was up in Canada.
Robin read about Josh Duhammel being unfaithful to his wife Fergie with a stripper at a club down south somewhere. Robin said that they say he had a one night stand with the woman but they went out and they are still snuggling up and talking closely. Howard said nothing brings you closer than when the Enquirer writes a story about cheating with a stripper.
Robin read about Amanda Peet being in another movie. Howard said she's never been in a movie that made any money, has she? Robin said she was in one movie with Jack Nicholson that did well. Howard said he's sure this one won't make any money. Robin said there's a movie about the world ending in 2012 and Amanda is in that with John Cusack. She had some audio of Amanda talking about the movie. Howard ended up making fun of her as she was rambling on and on. Artie went into his character that laughs at unfunny movies and laughed at her. In another clip Amanda talked about working with a green screen. Howard said he'd rather hear an interview with the green screen than with her. He said she's so full of herself. They goofed on her for a few minutes.
Robin read about a rapper and Maya Angelou getting together to talk about the state of the African American community with Tom Joyner. They'll be doing that at a church in the city.
Robin had some news about the movie ''Precious'' that's coming out. She had some audio of someone talking about the movie and what it means. The movie was produced by Oprah Winfrey. Howard predicted that the movie will be in and out of the theaters in a week.
Robin mentioned that Glenn Beck had an appendicitis attack. That led to Artie doing his laughing character laughing at Beck. They had to end the show a short time later. Robin mentioned that they're talking about doing a special Wrap Up Show with Fred one day. Howard said he'd love that. He said he'll end the show at 10 one day if they want to do that. They ended the show around 11:00am.
Scott said he was fine with him not playing it but he did kind of want to get it over with. Jon said some people thought he was getting frustrated with Howard not playing the clips. Scott said it was kind of frustrating when he'd say he was going to play the clips but then he'd go in and he'd have a guest coming in so he wouldn't get to it.
Gary said there's a part of Howard that keeps him from playing it because they need a lot of time when he does. Howard wasn't holding off just to torture Scott.
Jon asked Scott what he meant by being treated like a rock star out there. Scott said he had a private area, security, a suite of his own and more. He said he had a private area away from the ''regular people'' there at the club. He said it was roped off and security guards were around to make sure no one got in. He said there were a lot of hot chicks there too.
Scott said Shaggy wasn't there, he had his own dressing room. Benjy asked when they started to have security for him. Scott said it was as soon as he got there. Scott said when he was done he just kind of left. He said he knew there were some people there who were picking people to come into his VIP area there. He wasn't picking any his own. He had his own ''trim coordinator'' there. Scott said that DJ Hollywood was very helpful with him too.
Jon asked Scott if he did any mixing. Scott said he did do some. He said he would go out and get on mic and do his thing. He said that he told the other DJ to pick what he wanted to play so he wasn't picking anything. Scott said they were playing everything and anything too.
Benjy asked Scott if he could have gotten laid that night if he wasn't married... without laying out any cash. Scott said he thinks he could have. He said there were women hanging out with them. Gary said if you're in Vegas and behind the velvet ropes it's almost guaranteed that you can get laid. Gary said that any special set up has people who just have to get in there.
Scott said he had no interest in getting laid out there so it was just people hanging out having a good time. He said he's going back for two more appearances so it's working out great for him. Scott said the club is really nice and they have a balcony that's right over Las Vegas Blvd.
Jon played a clip of Howard playing Scott's stuff finally. Howard was talking about partying like it was 1981 in that clip and Artie said he was partying like it was 9/11 (when Scott went out bowling).
Jon asked Scott if there comes a time when he just gives up on fighting. Scott said he's been doing that for a long time. He said he knows Howard likes it when you get upset but it wasn't like that today.
Benjy said it's different when you're not a regular person on the show and Howard is goofing on you. He said that it's much different for someone like Ross to take all of the stuff he had to take.
Gary asked Scott if he's back into the DJ business. Scott said he's not, yet. Gary said Ross had a friend who wanted to hire him. Gary said they might have to invest in him again because he'd have to get new music and new equipment. He still has turntables. Scott said they don't even use CD players now. He said they still use turntables sometimes.
Scott said that he's been trying to get his old equipment back from K-Rock and no one is sure where it's at now. He said that he's got everything else but the turntables.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott must be bringing his black cloud to the casinos so that's why they hire him to work there. He said that he must be making the casinos tons of money.
The caller asked why Artie isn't giving credit to JD for inspiring that character he's doing. Gary said that would be kind of weird to say that it was inspired by him every time he did it. Artie has also done that character before since it was partially inspired by De Niro in Cape Fear.
Jon asked Scott about the outfit he was wearing at the club. Scott said he could have shown up as a slob but he didn't want to do that. He said he's not sure if he wants to do private DJing anymore. He said he wouldn't mind doing the nightclub stuff.
Scott said he showed up at Cesars's and heard the promo of his appearance and didn't know that it was a giant billboard outside of the casino. Scott said he ducked his head and ran into the place when he heard that.
Scott said the club is one of the biggest in the country and it was a big deal for him to be working there. Scott said he was recognized in the club. Benjy didn't realize that he had a huge billboard there. Gary said it was enormous and they showed it this morning on the show. Benjy missed it somehow.
Jon asked Scott about the crackdown on the gambling at the bowling alley. Scott talked about that and how the bowling alley's got caught for letting it go on in there. He said that they could lose their licenses for stuff like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was done with sports when he got out of college and he doesn't get why these guys are into it so much. Gary said that most people aren't done with it and people enjoy sports. He said that just because they're into it doesn't mean they haven't grown up.
Gary thought that Jason and Artie's hug this morning over the Yankees win was a goof. Jon said he's not so square about that. He said it looked like a real hug. Jon said that he gets excited over stuff like that and he's a passionate sports fan just like they are. Benjy asked Jon when he last hugged a man. Jon said that the last guy he hugged was probably his father.
Jason came in and said that he thinks that Artie started the hug and it was just a quick man hug so it was two pats and they both pulled back quickly. He said it wasn't an extended hug.
Gary said Jason runs very funny and he had to run out of the studio this morning to get the copy book and he looked very odd running. Jason admits he's a bad runner and he was never good at sports. He said when he forgets something though he does run out of there, unlike Scott. Jason said he knows he runs like a girl, or worse, though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't want to burst Scott's bubble but it's all about the promoter at the club and that's how they get the picture of Scott up on the billboard. Gary said Scott knows that but he still got hired to do it because of his fame. The caller asked if Scott thinks that he's going to divorce his wife and die alone like Ronnie. Scott said everything is great with his marriage and things are fine so nothing like that is going on.
Another caller said that they're making a big deal out of the hug while Sal and Richard are rubbing dicks together all morning. Gary said that it's a level of gay and that's gayer. Gary said the hug wasn't gay to him either. He said Howard doesn't care about anything enough to hug over.
Jason said that it was great walking down the street high fiving and stuff because the Yankees won and it was a cool experience.
The caller said Ronnie the Limo Driver reminds him of Beetlejuice the way he answers questions. They went over that for a minute before they had to take a commercial break.
Jon said that this is it for Howard while many of the other people are doing other TV shows and stuff. Gary said that when Howard is on Letterman or something he talks about SIRIUS because that's his primary responsibility.
Benjy asked the guys if they think it has anything to do with the show itself. He asked if it would be the same show. Gary said he thinks so. Gary said he's heard speculation that maybe he'll work less days or less time and he's not sure they'll keep the team together to work less time. Gary said if they went to 3 days a week then they still need the staff to make the show run. He said they still need to do all of this stuff even if it is just 3 days a week. Then maybe if they pay at a pro-rated rate then maybe some people will leave.
Jon asked Scott if it bothers him. Scott said he's going to be 58 next year and he's not sure where he'll go. He said he can't retire yet. Scott said he might have to get the DJ thing going really fast.
Benjy said it sounds like Howard has a definite thing in mind to keep doing radio and that's a good sign. Gary said that he was thinking about making a rather sizeable purchase and he put it off because he doesn't know where he's going to be in a year. He said he hopes that Howard didn't take that as a hint to stay on the air or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the discussions about adoption and how Gary had said it was gay to talk about love and stuff. He said that Gary has said on occasion that he's not homosexual and he'd like to know why he feels he has to say that. Gary asked the guy why he thinks that he's doing that. The guy said he might think that some of his behavior might be viewed as gay and he doesn't want people thinking he is gay.
Gary said he might have that knee jerk reaction because Artie or a listener might call him gay if he says some of that stuff. He said he doesn't do that in his private life. Gary said there's really nothing behind that at all.
Benjy asked Gary if he ever questioned his sexuality. Gary said he's never done that. They talked about Greg Fitzsimmons mentioning something like that on the show one time. Gary said he never went through that.
Jon asked Scott about his swinging days and his experimenting. He asked him if he has ever questioned his sexuality. Scott said he doesn't think so. He said he loves women too much.
Gary asked Scott what the thought process was behind taking the $250,000 to get fucked in the ass. Scott said it was all about the money. He said if he does a gay act that doesn't make him gay. Gary said in his mind it does.
Jon said that if Howard gave his daughter $1 or $1000 it would be appreciated. Jon said that no matter what it is he's not going to bring it up to anyone, even his wife. Scott said if it was a dollar then he would say something. Gary said everyone has a story from their wedding where someone gave something that was weird. Jon said it's just the opposite for him and everyone seemed to give more than he expected. Jon said he's not going to feel differently toward anyone based on what they give.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he should have just given him his phone number and tell him to put a dollar sign in front of it. Jon said he doesn't feel comfortable giving any number. He said anything is going to be appreciated.
Ralph called in and said he didn't realize that he's in it for two daughters now. Gary said that if he didn't show up or send a gift it would go unnoticed.
Ralph said he is 95 percent sure that this is what Howard would do. He'll go to 3 days a week, start the show later at maybe 7 or 8 and maybe take longer vacations. He said that he wants to live more of a life and that's probably what his pitch will be. He said he really doesn't have any insider information either. He said he thinks that he was irked by the whole Rosie O'Donnell thing too. He said that he got her on the air and they stuck her on another channel and didn't go through him. He said he's not feeling respected in his opinion and that's a big thing.
Ralph said he thinks Howard has to be on the air and he can't retire. Ralph said he would miss it and maybe he needs to take some time off so people miss him. Benjy said he talked about doing that at K-Rock. Gary said that they were actually cutting the time down so people wouldn't forget about them.
Ralph said he can't imagine SIRIUS not having him back. Gary said he agrees but there might be people there who think the company will operate without him. Ralph asked if they really think that they can go on with what they have there. Gary said that they would lose some people but not enough to go out of business. Ralph said they had only 400,000 people or so when Howard signed on with them and now they're at like 18 million. Gary said that might be part of the equation and people may stay without Howard there.
Gary said he knows there are people there who are only there for Howard. He said that people always tell him that they're pissed that they're on vacation when they have all of these other channels there. Ralph said that's one thing that people have to shut the fuck up about. The fans get pissed and it's ridiculous because other guys take even more time off. He said they need to appreciate what they can get and give the guy a break. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:15pm.