Howard started off the show talking about how he went to see Mary McCormack's show ''Boeing-Boeing'' last night and now she may be mad at him. He said that they had a big red carpet opening for the show and they didn't know that it was going to be like that. He said that he went out and didn't have his whole look together for the red carpet.
Howard said he saw Merryl Streep and Glen Close there at the event. Howard said that Merryl was a couple of rows in front of him and Glen was nearby. He also saw Misha Barton there. He said he didn't really talk to any of them but he did see Larry Storch from F-Troop that he stopped and said hello to. He said that he got to speak with him. Howard said that he was a big fan from F-Troop and when he recognized the guy he seemed to light up.
Howard said he told Larry that he saw him doing recordings at his father's recording studio when he was doing Tennessee Tuxedo stuff. He said that Larry is an old guy now and he didn't stick around too long. He said that he just told Larry he loves him and that he was his hero.
Howard said he saw some other heavy hitters there like Gina Gershon and a few other people like that there. Howard said he was asked by reporters why he was there last night and he said he told them that he hates plays like that but he came out for Mary.
Howard said that the show was going really late and he had to get out of there early to go to bed since it was last night. He said he had to leave at the intermission because the show was running so long. He said that was around 8:30 and the guys told him that it was going to run until at least 10.
Howard said he called Mary and told her how great she was but she was upset that he had left in the middle of the show. He said he really had to go and he knows that it's going to be considered some kind of faux pas.
Howard said that the show was funny and he is talking about it on the air so he's hoping she doesn't get too upset with him.
Howard said that Cindy Adams got him for an interview last night and he thinks that she's looking really good for her age. He said that she was asking him about politics so he told her about what he thinks about Hillary Clinton and all of that. He said that she was trying to give him a phone number for who to call to get her as a guest.
Gary told Howard that Cindy Adams is 83 years old. Howard said that's hard to believe. He said that she looks much younger than that.
Howard said that he had some clips of this girl Roxy Jezel who was the porn star who was going to be playing the game today. He played one where she was talking to a guy about sucking his cock and then sounding like a duck as the guy was face f'ing her. Howard said he's never heard a girl do something like that. She sounded like a duck. Howard said he wouldn't walk out at intermission if he saw something like that going on.
Howard played another clip where she was telling the guy to give it to her in the ass. She had a British accent but that was going away the more the guy was banging her. Howard said that the guy seemed to be fucking the accent right out of her.
Howard played a new song parody about Robin that someone had sent in. The song was ''Robin's Vagina.'' He also played a new Baba Booey song parody called ''Gimme Boo.''
Howard played a voice mail from a guy who said that Robin was showing her beaver on the Donny Deutsch show when she was on recently. Howard said that her dress must have had an opening or something. Robin said she was wearing panties on that show so she's not sure what the guy is talking about.
Howard played a voice mail from Wendy the Retard where she asks for some money for her birthday which is coming up soon. Wendy said that she'd like some money or video games for her birthday. Howard said that she must be severely retarded because she talks about going on another radio show called the Frank and Tracy show. He said that she should ask them for money if she's going on their show. He said that he's not going to give her anything if she's going on another show.
Howard said that he got a picture from Ross Zapin who was there. He said he was surprised to see Robin with the guy. Artie talked about how he remembered John was the guy who was in the way of Howard's avalanche where he had to be number one in every market. John ended up getting crushed by Howard in the ratings.
Howard said that John got in the way of his express train of his show that was trying to crush every show out there. He said that there's got to be bad blood there but Robin said that he was very cordial when they met. Robin said that John once interviewed her about her book when it was out and he told her that before they came to Philly he could have sold her some books but at the time things had changed.
Howard said that he remembers seeing John being interviewed about him coming to town and John wasn't worried at all. Howard said that he said that he was ''that good'' that he didn't have to worry. Howard said that made him nuts and gave him the drive to crush him in the ratings.
Robin said that it was devastating and awful what Howard did to that man. Howard said he knows that he's an asshole for doing what he did. Robin said he was a good target but they really did crush him. Howard said that he had to be number 1 in Philly to get on in Los Angeles so that's why he had to do what he did.
Gary came in with the audio from the interview that Howard was just talking about. They kept that clip from so many years ago. Howard played the clip and DeBella is talking about Howard's nose and goofing on him about that. Howard said that he feels bad for the guy now but he did goof on him a little bit. Howard said he's better looking than DeBella and he'd be willing to have a beauty contest any day.
In the audio clip DeBella is talking about the things that Howard does for his show being just for the press and not for the audience. Howard said that he likes Philly and talked about some of the restaurants that they have out there.
Richard said that they have some great appetizers there and talked about some Jack Daniels things that they might have had. Howard said that there are a ton of great restaurants in the city and that's the last place you'd want to go.
Richard said that it was about 60 bucks for them to go to that place. Howard said that Richard could go to some other Italian restaurant or something instead of going to an Applebee's. Artie said that some of them are expensive though.
Richard talked about sneaking alcohol into the Harold and Kumar movie. He said that he does that all the time. Howard asked him what happened to him not drinking every day. Richard said that plan didn't quite work out so well.
Gary heard that Richard smuggled in a bottle of champagne and some vodka. Richard said he was done with that within an hour or so. He said that the movie was a comedy and a party movie so he had to drink. He said he doesn't do that in a drama though.
Gary said Richard came in and told him about his weekend this morning. He said that he heard about him going to see Coheed and Cambria over the weekend. He wasn't able to leave while they were performing because he likes their music so much. He had to pee from drinking so much so he just stood and peed his pants. He was even with his girlfriend at the time. Richard said that kind of freaked his girlfriend out a little bit.
Richard had to get a drive home because the busses stopped running so some fans said they'd drive them to the train station. Richard had to tell the guy what he had done in his pants so they found something for him to sit on so he didn't get pee on their seat. Richard said he just stood there and peed in his pants.
Richard said that he has done things like that before. He didn't want to get arrested for whipping out his penis so he just let it go in his pants. Artie asked him if he does that to impress the fans or something. Richard said he doesn't.
Richard told some stories about doing stuff like that before. He told a story about another guy he knows who wears shorts so he can pee without pulling down his pants. Richard said that once he starts going the pee just poured down his leg.
Artie said that only a retarded adult can do something like that because a normal person can't deal with that. Richard said that he did shower after that but he hasn't had his pants cleaned yet. Richard said that his girlfriend was really freaked out by the whole thing and she's not freaked out by anything. He said that she's really cool about stuff like that usually but this really freaked her out.
Howard played an old clip of Richard leaving a message for Will and peeing on the street as he was leaving the message. Howard said that Richard is gay after hearing the clip. He was telling Will that he wanted to see his peach colored hair and getting all creepy with the guy. Howard said that Richard's girlfriend will eventually have a normal boyfriend and nothing will freak her out after being with Richard.
Richard's whole head was shaved so Howard asked him what's up with that. Richard said that his balding was getting to him so he just shaved it all off. Howard told him he looks better with some hair than no hair.
Howard told Richard that they have some adult diapers there if he wants to pee his pants. Richard said he could do that but he's not sure what they'd get out of that. Howard said that Gary did that one time as a bit and he had a strange look on his face as he was doing it.
Richard was saying that he didn't think that his pee smelled when he wet his pants because it was all beer.
Irish John called in and said that Richard went to get them a bunch of drinks one night that hey were out and Richard took sips of every drink he had in his hand so he wouldn't spill any of them.
Howard cut John off because the guys came in with some diapers for Richard to wear. Howard had Fred play some Coheed and Cambria while he was getting his diaper on so he'd feel like he was at the concert. Richard asked for a couple of songs so Fred played what he had available in his computer system.
Richard put on his diaper and Howard said that he might be retarded like Artie was saying. Howard said that an adult has a lot of pee and it's not like a baby. Richard said he couldn't believe how much there was when he wet himself. He said that he had to move because there was a puddle there on the ground.
Howard and Artie were goofing on Richard and making fun of this peeing thing. Richard said that he could have crapped his pants and that really would have freaked out his girlfriend. Richard said that he was going while they were talking to him. Richard said he was trying not to shit but he was struggling with something. Howard said he had that look on his face like Gary had when he peed.
Richard said that he pissed right before the show started so he had to wait to go. He wasn't able to go since he had just peed a little while ago.
Howard said that someone wrote in about how gay things are getting on the show. Richard said that he and Sal haven't been doing anything lately.
Jason came in and said that he and his mom talked over the weekend and worked stuff out. He said that he saw her for an hour yesterday and she wasn't being critical of him at all. He said that she was making an effort so that's all he's going to say about it.
Jason told Howard that he's great for working things out for him the way he did. Howard said he heard that Jason got yelled at for a half hour after the segment last week. Jason said that did happen but things are okay now. He said he feels bad and things are fine now.
Artie said that Will heard something on the phone while Jason was getting yelled at. Howard wanted to know what that was so he asked Will to come in. He also talked about a picture that a fan had sent in of Jason as his mom that had been photoshopped. Howard said that he'd have that put up on his web site.
Howard showed Artie the picture of Jason as his mom and he started going nuts laughing. Will came in a short time later with a black eye. Howard asked him what was going on there. Will said he got popped in the face accidentally at a bachelor party over the weekend.
Will said that he heard Jason responding to his mom about how he had visited his dad while he was in the hospital. Jason said that was right after the segment so she was kind of upset with him. Howard asked Jason what else is wrong with him that she could pick him apart about. Jason said he had a whole list of stuff. He didn't seem to want to get into that stuff again though.
Howard said that Jason's mom was also talking about the school she went to and some of the fans wrote in about that. Jason said that he and his mother spoke and things are okay.
Richard came back in and tried to pee in his diaper. He was straining a little bit so the guys told him not to do that. They told him to just come back in and pee when he has to pee. Richard said he'd do that then.
Howard had some audio of a guy asking John McCain if it's true that he calls his wife a cunt. He played that clip where the guy yells it out and McCain says that they don't respect that kind of language at those type of events. Howard said that they respect that kind of language on this show but not at town hall meetings apparently.
Howard read through some of the article about the guy who asked the question. Then Gary read the quote from the book that the guy was referring to as his source for the cunt reference. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Howard said that there are people saying that this upcoming election is the most important in this country's history. He said that they say that about every election though and he doesn't get why this one would be any different. He and Artie talked about some past elections and who they voted for. Howard said he didn't remember who he was voting for back in the Reagan days.
Howard talked about how he wasn't doing so well when he was younger and he may have voted for Walter Mondale back in the day. Artie said that he must have been doing okay back then but Howard said he really didn't have a lot of money.
Howard said that might be the worst thing he's ever heard. He said it was like a funeral dirge. He and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Scarlett and the movies she's done. Howard said that he didn't remember her being in anything good. Robin said she was in The Island which is one that Howard liked.
Howard played another song called Asian Hooker. It was a real song by a rock band. The guys listened to that for a few seconds. Howard also played Wood Yi's ''Sushi Smells'' song parody that the guys had him record. Howard got a few laughs out of that. They had to go to break after that.
Howard noticed that Robin was eating so he asked what she was chewing on. She said it was just one nut. Fred, doing his Jim Florentine impression, said that she's good for at least two nuts.
Howard asked Robin if Jim went with her to Atlantic City this weekend. She said that he did. That led to Howard talking about getting an invitation to Chris Booker's surprise party down there. Howard said that he saw that he was supposed to stay in his room until the party was going to start so Chris wouldn't know that they were all down there. Robin said that's not the way things worked and they weren't making anyone stay in their rooms or anything like that. Robin said she had a great time down there at the Borgata.
Robin said that the restaurant they ate at, Sea Blue, was amazing. She said she was out with a bunch of people. They went to Booker's party and had some fun there and then went out and partied elsewhere. Howard asked if Booker has any other radio friends other than DeBella. Robin said that she's friends with him and he's got a few other radio friends.
Howard said that he's friendly with Booker too but he didn't even call him about this party. Howard asked Artie if he's friendly with Booker. Artie said he is. Howard was asking about Booker's girlfriend's titties and if she was showing them off. He said that Booker's girl likes to show those things off like Robin likes to show her's off. Artie said that she's a hot chick. Howard asked if she's working again yet. Robin said she's not sure.
Howard went through a bunch of those pictures and pointed out some of the strange things they had on them. One person had the guys from CHiPs on them. Howard said that Double A could have been in that book with his tattoos of him on his arms. Howard said that Double A has a bunch of stuff from the show on him.
Howard said that Double A was on Superfan Roundtable the other night and people were writing in to tell him not to have him on again. He played some audio clips from that show where Double A was kind of drunk and having some trouble speaking. Double A was telling Mutt that he was almost a hottie himself after having some booze in him.
Howard and the guys were picking apart some of the stuff that Double A was saying. At one point he said that he has Artie's back and Artie has his back. Artie said that he's not so sure he has Double A's back.
Howard played another clip where a woman was saying that she can't stand listening to Superfan Roundtable when Double A is on. Double A said that he's all about love and he doesn't have anything against her so she shouldn't be hating on him. He told her that he had mad love for her and he'd love to get to know her. Howard said he kind of liked Double A drunk. Artie said he did too.
Lisa had said that the wedding went off without a hitch but Robin heard all of these stories from Shuli on Miserable Men last night. Lisa didn't know all of this stuff so they were talking about how Shuli isn't giving them all of the details.
Lisa said that they're going to have a story about Artie and Gary getting one room of their homes made over by the Man Cave guys. Artie said that he's going to go through it with the guys and they're going to make it all over for him. They're going to do the whole third floor for him. He said they're going to make it his game room and it sounds like quite a set up he's going to have.
Gary said that his wife is working with those guys and they're keeping it a secret from him. Gary said that he heard about one idea that they decided not to do. They wanted to put a brick oven in the basement but he didn't think that he'd be cooking too many brick oven pizzas in his basement. Gary said that his bar area is down there in the basement and he's going to have a locked liquor cabinet down there when he has all of that done.
Howard played some clips of Jezel's porn that he had just played a short time ago. They talked about the noises she was making in those clips and how she does that when Roxy's getting deep throated. Roxy explained how she didn't know about deep throating the first time she did it so someone had to explain it to her. She actually punched a guy when she had that done to her the first time.
Howard told Roxy how they were going to play this game. They were going to have Mexican delivery guys come in and they were going to offer them a big tip or the chance to see Roxy naked. They'd play with the guys and see what they'd be willing to go for, the money or Roxy's boobs.
The first guy came in so Howard asked him a few questions through a translator. Howard then told the guy they were going to make him an offer. Howard offered him a tip of $100 or he can see her completely naked. The translator told the guy what he could get and the guy picked the money. Howard told the guy to wait a second and then offered him the chance to let her sit on his lap naked. The guy stuck with the money.
Howard told Roxy to show off her body to the guy to try and get him to change his mind. She thought that he should get the money instead but Howard wanted her to take her top off for the guy. She took her top off and then Howard asked the guy again if he wanted to touch them. He said that he would so Howard offered to let him touch them or take the tip. The guy stuck with the money. Howard asked Roxy to take her pants off but she didn't want to do that. Howard said that she's not going to do well with this game.
Howard gave the delivery guy his $100. The translator said that the guy wanted to see her naked but he also wanted the money. Howard gave the guy his money and let him go.
Howard said that this was like playing a drinking game with a nun. Robin said that Roxy was mouthing that she never agreed to do this. Howard said that he had to talk this over with Roxy then. He said that the last girl who was there, Gina Lynn, was able to get guys to pass on the tip to see her naked. Howard said he was going to offer the next guy $20 instead of 100. He said that he'd offer to let the guy touch her boobs but he'd have to pass on the money.
Howard said that Gina Lynn was able to get guys to turn down $100 just to be near her and this isn't coming off good today. Roxy said it just showed the guy wanted the tip. Howard said that if she was good she'd be able to get the guys to turn down the money. He said that she just has to be super seductive.
Howard spent some more time talking to Roxy and playing some more of her porn movie clips. He had one clip of her getting anal from a guy. Howard asked her if that was painful. She didn't remember that scene but she did remember the movie. She said she hated doing all of that stuff for the anal scenes and she's glad that she doesn't have to do it anymore.
Howard had the next delivery guy come in. That guy was able to speak English pretty well. Howard introduced him to Roxy and asked him what his best tip ever was. The guy said that it was probably be $80. Howard asked him what he was delivering today. It was just a sandwich. Howard asked him how big the tip would be. He said that it might be $2. Howard said he was going to give him $20 or he could offer him something else. He said that this beautiful woman was willing to get naked for him if he was willing to turn down the tip. He told him that she would rub her boobs in his face too. The guy picked Roxy. Then Howard upped the tip to $50 and asked him what he would take. The guy said that he was going to stick with the girl. He said he would stick with her even if the tip was $100. The guy said that his name was Luis Lopez but people call him Juan Carlo. Howard called him Johnny just to make it simple.
Howard told Johnny it was time to collect his prize so he told Roxy to pull down her top for him. She did that and said that she's a 32-C. Howard had her rub her boobs in his face and said that he would have picked the same thing if he were Johnny.
Johnny said that it was good and he liked what she was doing. Then Howard had Roxy pull down her pants so Johnny could spank her. He gave her a few whacks and Artie told him that he was going to be arrested for rape next. Howard said that Johnny didn't seem to be happy. Johnny said that he was just a little nervous with all of the people around him. He said that he did enjoy it though.
Howard told Johnny that he got to spank that ass and dreams do come true. He said that he was going to give him $100 as a tip for playing the game. Johnny thanked him for that. Howard thanked him for coming in and Johnny told Roxy how beautiful she was. Howard had Roxy let him touch her boob before he left. She let him do that and Howard wrapped up with him after that. Johnny said that he'd rather stay there than go back to work.
Howard told Roxy that she redeemed herself after that. He got in a plug for this Bowling Beauties show that's going to be on Howard TV starting May 12th. He said that you can find out more at CraveOnline.com/HowardTV.
Howard went through some more of Roxy's bio and talked about a bunch of crazy stuff she'd done. She said that she once stabbed a crackhead who was robbing her parents in their flower shop. She said that it's not seen as self defense when it's an actual weapon so the guy blackmailed her parents and they had to shut their shop down because of that. She said that's when she started to do the anal and got into the business. She said that she was able to buy them a house after that.
Howard said it sounds like she could make a movie out of her life and maybe Disney would like to make that movie. She said that she is working on a book about her life. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that stuff and about her drug use. She said that she was using crystal meth for a while but she's gotten off of that.
Howard thanked everyone for the game and then wrapped up with Roxy. She said that she has a contest going on where she wants people to get tattoos of her on them. She said that they want people to write in and tell them why they think they should get a tattoo of her on them. Howard said he didn't get the concept of the contest. He thanked her again and then went to break.
He said he read a review of the Sex and the City movie and it was very good. He said he liked the TV show. Howard said that he hopes that the movie is good because he did like the TV show so much. Artie said he hated the show because it was sickening to him. He said that he doesn't hate women but that show was just awful and so phony.
Howard said that he likes to look at Sarah Jessica Parker. Artie said he did too... 20 years ago. Howard said that he would be a guy who would go to see that movie. Artie said that he's put up with Howard watching a bunch of bad shows like Dawson's Creek.
Gary told Howard that Richard was about to come in to pee in his diaper. He said that he had to burst because he hadn't peed yet. Richard came right in and started to go in the diaper. Richard said he hopes it's super absorbent because he had to go so much.
Richard started to overflow so they kicked him out of the studio. Richard figured it wasn't the super absorbent kind. He said that he needed a bucket or something. Robin said that she's not sure why she continues to work there.
Howard asked Richard if he likes peeing in a diaper. Richard said he does but he'd have to get better ones to wear to a concert. They spent a short time talking about what Richard did at the Coheed and Cambria concert. The guys were getting kind of freaked out by the dripping pee so Artie told him to get the fuck out of there.
Howard had Richard put on another diaper to soak up the rest of the pee. Richard had to put on the diaper just so he could leave the studio. Howard asked Richard how he shaves his balls. Richard told him how he pulls on his balls and then uses an electric shaver.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted to throw something at Richard. Artie said he'd love to. Artie told Richard to get the fuck out of there. Howard told him to leave too so Richard finally left.
Howard said that Richard's poor girlfriend has to put up with that stuff. Artie said that he talked to Ralph about that off the air and Ralph thinks that he's really retarded.
Howard read some of the story about this stalker guy and how scary some of the stuff he wrote was. He said that the guy should be taken off the streets because he is so messed up.
Howard read a review of ''Boeing-Boeing'' where they got a 4 star review. He said he liked the first half of the play that he saw. He didn't stick around to see the whole thing. He talked about how uncomfortable he was there at the play. Robin said that she'd go to see it with him if he wants to go see the rest of it. Artie said that will never happen. Robin suggested they go on Thursday night. Howard said that was okay with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what he really thought of Iron Man because he mentioned something in the movie that he didn't like. Howard said that it was the fact that Iron Man has to fight another Iron Man. He said that they made it seem like the guy didn't have a learning curve and he was able to get used to his suit within minutes while Tony Stark took a while. Howard said that the movie was so good that you can look past that one minor thing.
The caller asked Howard what he thinks about the latest episodes of Smallville. Howard said that he still likes the show but Ralph was telling him that the show isn't that good. The caller said he still likes the show but there was one bad episode that he didn't like. Howard said that they really have to move on and get Superman to fly.
Howard said that the Howard TV guy had video of Richard peeing the diaper that was sped up so they could watch it. They checked that out and talked about how gross it was. Howard said it was kind of funny to watch the diaper fill up the way it did.
Howard said he could never stand there and pee in a diaper in front of people. Gary did that once but no one else was able to do it. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that whole thing.
Howard quickly mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101 and he's going to have Bob Saget on as a guest.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the merger isn't going through because they don't want Howard Stern to be able to speak to 15 million people. Howard said he's not sure about that but it's possible.
Howard read an article in a tabloid magazine where they claim that Sonny Bono was murdered and then his murder was covered up with the skiing accident. He read through that article and they claim that it was a drug cartel that was targeting him for the murder. That led to the guys talking about the Kennedy kid who died while skiing and playing football. That got Howard doing his Kennedy impression for a short time.
Howard stayed in his Kennedy impression and talked about that wacky family for a while. He was talking about some of the strange things that the Kennedy family has been involved with.
Howard got back to the Sonny Bono story and read through more of that. He read a little bit more of that and then got back into the Kennedy impression and goofed on them a little more. Howard read some more of the Sonny Bono stuff and they claim that he was beaten to death and then dressed in the ski outfit and put next to a tree so it looked like that's how he died.
Howard had a story about Raymond Burr who allegedly had a history of fake wives and kids. He'd tell people he was having parties for 200 guests and then he'd eat the food all himself. Howard read through that article from the tabloids. They had some details about his sex life and personal life. They claim he was only 320 pounds so the guys compared him to Artie who is up near there at 300 pounds.
Charlie said that her band is playing the East Coast next week and she wanted to come in. Howard told her to bring in some sexy hot stories and not her band. She said she has stories.
Gary said that he's see some of her e-mails and messages from her and she does a lot of talking and no listening. Gary said that a lot of the stuff that happens to her isn't that interesting to them. Howard told her that she has to use her head an make things interesting for them. She said that she'll show up naked and drunk if they want her to. Artie gave her a ''Bingo!'' when she suggested the naked thing. He said that she's got a hot body and she should show it off.
Howard said he heard that JD hates her. JD came in a short time later and said that she wears that fake hair and it's just so annoying. He said that she's not hot either. Howard said that he'd bang her and if he says he wouldn't, he's got to be gay. He asked JD when he last got laid. JD said he didn't remember. Howard said that any guy who doesn't get laid often remembers the last time. He hasn't had any girls since he went to Las Vegas with Artie.
Gary heard that JD got blown off by Charlie and her friends and that's why he's so upset. Charlie said that's not true, she treated him great and was very nice to him.
Howard played a new techno song that JD is into. He was caught listening to this song by someone there. JD told him to keep playing it because it gets better. The guys didn't believe that.
Charlie said that song sucked so JD said that it's better than her music. Ralph called in and said that she's very annoying and not all that hot so he agrees with JD about that. Charlie said that he's back stabbing her because he was so nice to her at Lisa G's cookie party.
Howard got a picture of Charlie and said that she's really hot. Artie agreed and said that she's hotter than Miss White Howard stern. He said that she is kind of annoying though. Howard said that they should call her ''Lumpy'' now that they know about the lumps in her uterus.
Artie told Charlie to show up in a bikini there sometime and they'd have her in. She said she would do that when she comes back from her tour. She got in some plugs for a gig they have at the Knitting Factory this week. Howard wanted to play some of her music but she said they probably don't have it there since they don't take her calls. Gary said that she could mail it to them. She said she could do that but they won't take her calls. He
JD said that she's annoying and adds nothing to the show. Howard said he heard that he doesn't like her because he didn't like her Halloween costume. That was a reference to why he didn't like Tim Sabean's assistant Jared.
Fred played some of Charlie's music and Fred said that it sucked. Howard said that he couldn't hear the song because it was only coming through one channel. He said he had to hear the whole thing the right way to make a judgment.
JD said that she's such a phony and so annoying. Charlie said that she's not this character that JD thinks she is. JD said that she is and that's why she's so annoying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Charlie was annoying and they have to find a new Miss Black Howard Stern. He said he'd rather hear JD's techno song than Charlie's music. Howard started playing it and Artie said it's no wonder JD's father abandoned him.
Howard sang along with the techno song and made up some gay lyrics for the song. Artie told him that it really is gay. JD asked if it was really more gay than Coheed and Cambria. Howard replayed the song and gave JD some more of the gay lyrics for the song. JD said that just because he was listening to the song in his office doesn't mean that it's his favorite song. He said Richard heard him listening to it and now he thinks it's his favorite.
Robin wanted Charlie to come in for a visit. JD was a no, Fred was a yes as long as they could do something to her or see her in a bikini or something like that. Howard said that they can't give a vote to Ralph because no one likes him. He said that Gary should get a vote. Gary said that he thinks that Charlie should come to them with a list of things that are interesting and they'll have to pick from that list. Howard played the latest Baba Booey song parody as Gary was giving his thoughts on that.
Gary said that it was 9:25 and they should give her an hour to come up with some stuff to do and then they'll figure out if she should come in. Artie said that he was a yes but he wanted her to come in dressed in a bikini. Gary said that she was dressed kind of strange the last time she was in.
Howard played one of Charlie's songs since he finally had it set up so he could hear it. He let it play through for a short time and Fred played a baby crying sound clip that sounded a bit like Charlie's voice. Artie said that he liked the song and so did Robin. Fred said that it was one of the most annoying singing voices that he'd ever heard.
Howard told Charlie that maybe next time they'll let her come in but this time she had too many no-votes. Charlie said that she'll come up with something for next time. She said that she might be willing to bang someone on the show. Artie said that he and Benjy would be up for that. She could pick between one of those two. Howard suggested JD bang her but JD said that he wouldn't do her. He told her that she's really annoying and she should stop calling. JD said that there are plenty of people out there who are a lot less phony than she is. Charlie said that she's really not phony. Howard said he had to let her go because he had to take a break.
JD went off on Charlie for a couple more minutes about being a phony person and acting the way she did when she was on the show last time. He said he doesn't like the way she promotes herself all the time and stuff like that. Howard said they're going to be running the Howard TV ''A Day in the Life of Miss Black Howard Stern'' tonight.
Howard heard that the Howard TV guys were saying that she was a big pain in the ass to work with. Doug Goodstein told him that they were working on getting the producer on the line. Howard went to take a call from Joey Boots but he had fallen asleep on the phone. He woke up a few seconds later and said that she really sucks as Miss Black Howard Stern. He said that she's not bringing anything to the table at all.
Howard asked Joey about his drug problems and Joey said that he's not doing blow anymore but he's still smoking a little weed.
Carlo from Howard TV said that Charlie was a pain in the ass because she was running late and acting a little crazy while they were running around with her shooting her for her show. He said that everything with her was like a little bit of drama. He said that it didn't work very well that day.
Howard asked JD who he hates more, Jared or Charlie. JD said that he'd probably pick Jared to hang out with over Charlie. Robin found it odd that he'd pick a dude over a chick like that. They asked him if he'd fuck Jared or Charlie first. He said he guesses that he'd pick Charlie for that. Howard had to go to break right after that.
Steve said they have a story about Kenneth Keith Kallenbach and the prison he was being held in being investigated over some deaths that have happened there. Steve said that they also have a story about Artie getting stiffed by the people who put out his movie. Steve said that he spoke to Jeremy Dallow and he'll have more on that and about Artie getting stiffed by some people in Florida.
Steve said they have a story about Danny Bonaduce and Adam Carolla's radio show break up that was mentioned in an article recently.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who had a suggestion for Miss Black Howard Stern. He suggested that they have her spin a ''Wheel of JD'' and make her do stuff for him when she spins the wheel. Howard said that they could have her doing stuff like making out with JD or let JD give her a Roman Soldier Helmet or something like that.
JD came in and said that he's not pulling his balls out. He said that he might spank her or something like that. Howard suggested that they have her smell his breath for a minute or something. Hanzi suggested having her give him a lap dance to that techno song. Howard said they could do something like that.
A caller asked if JD stands for Jeffrey Dahmer and asked how many heads he has in his freezer. The joke didn't go over all that well. The caller thought that JD hated women. Howard asked JD if he does. JD said that he doesn't hate women.
JD said that he'd be willing to do the Wheel of JD but he had to see what they were going to put on that wheel. He said he really didn't want her doing anything to him but he would go along with some of this stuff. JD was laughing with that hooting laugh of his so the guys were goofing on him about that. JD said that he's easily amused, that's why he's always laughing.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the subjects they were going to try and cover on today's show.
Robin read another story about who should be allowed to live in a pandemic. Howard ran down his list of people he thinks should be allowed to die. He said that all of the people who have the oil should be allowed to die. The people without the oil should be allowed to live. They went through some of the people there at the station and said that they'd probably have to let the good looking guys die. That way the ugly guys would have a chance with the hot chicks that were left alive.
Robin went through the story about the pandemic thing and who will not get a vaccine or treatment for the illness. It would include people over 85, severely burned patients over 60, those with chronic diseases and a few other groups. All of them will basically be left to die.
Robin went through some other stories including one about a 17 year old girl who gave birth to a baby and walked to the hospital with the umbilical cord still attached. Robin read another story about a woman who allegedly killed her babies and kept them in a freezer.
Robin had a story about Duane Wade allegedly dating Star Jones. Artie jokingly said he didn't know that he was gay. He said that he doesn't want to think about something like that.
Artie asked Howard if he can tell chicks that he's bringing them to Howard Stern's wedding when they go to this party he's holding. Howard told him that's fine because he wants him to get a really hot chick. Artie said he has a chick in mind and he thinks that she's the hottest chick of all time. Howard said that they'll even talk about him like he's the best guy of all time. Artie said that the chick lives out of town so he needs to give her a good reason to come to town.
Howard had to go to break around 10:20am. After the break Howard came back and had Robin get right back into her news. Robin read a story about Opie from the Opie and Anthony show having a girlfriend who might have a sex tape coming out. That story came from Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out Magazine and now they're saying that the story never had a grain of truth to it and it's been retracted from the NY Post article that was written.
Artie said that Chaunce made him the asshole of the week in his column recently and said that he'd punch his face into oblivion if he lunged at him. Howard said he'd love to see that happen. Artie said he'd love to do it too. Artie said that Chaunce seems to be obsessed with the show and must listen to every minute of it because he knew every detail of that fight with Teddy.
Robin read a story about this horse that collapsed after a race over the weekend because it broke its two front ankles. They had to put the horse down right then and there on the race track. The horse came in second place. Robin said that the people from PETA are stepping in now and getting involved in horse racing to find out why this type of thing is happening. Robin read another story about a family that left their baby in their car while they went in and watched the Kentucky Derby in an off track betting place.
Robin read some news about Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey dumping Reverend Wright, Miley Cyrus, Robert Downey Jr. talking about Iron Man, Christina Ricci talking about Speed Racer and a couple of other things. they wrapped up the news and the show around 10:50am.
JD said that he thinks that Jared believes that he's better than him at everything... and that's it. Gary said that he'd like to know what he's done to him that makes him feel that way. JD said he doesn't know and he doesn't want to get into it. That's exactly what Gary was referring to. JD can't express his opinions when he's asked for details.
JD said he doesn't want to get anyone in trouble and he doesn't want to get other people involved in any of this stuff. Then he went into a story about Jared and how he became buddy buddy with Ronnie and he got tired of the way he was treating him so he just called and end to it.
Gary said that JD has taken that shit from Ronnie all this time and he continues to do so but he won't take it from Jared. JD said that he was saying too much and didn't want to get into it with him again.
Jon and Gary asked JD why he hates Miss Black Howard Stern, Charlie Superfly, so much. JD said that she's not very genuine and she's always in this character and it's very annoying to him. Gary had to big his lip to stop from laughing at that.
JD continued to talk about how annoying she is and how she should be more willing to do stuff for the show than she is. Gary said that Miss Regular Howard Stern didn't get naked on the show for a couple of years. JD gave them another ''I don't know...'' after that. Jon thanked him for clearing that up for them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD doesn't know how to clear up anything. He said that he never does anything for them on the air. JD said he was sorry but that's the way he talks when he's on the air. He said he doesn't like being on the air and he's not a performer so he can't entertain this guy. The caller suggested he take a class to learn how to express himself. He said that if he learned how to talk then maybe that would help him with his relationships.
JD asked Richard if he's more clear off the air. Richard said he is a little bit. Gary agreed with him on that but he's just a little clearer.
Another caller told JD that porn was made for guys like him. The caller also said that he'd like them to keep Double A off the air.
Jon asked JD about the techno song that Howard was playing today. That led to JD talking about how Richard had heard him playing the song in his office and telling Howard about it. Richard said he heard JD blasting it in his studio so he went in and got the name of the song and then asked him what song it was. JD quickly changed it but he had already gotten the name.
Richard said he didn't care when he was at the concert because he was drunk and he was full of Miller Light. He also told a story about going to an Iron Maiden concert years ago and how he was going to piss himself there but they ended up playing a song that he didn't like so much so it was a good time to go pee.
Richard told another story about being on tour with a band that was on tour with Iron Maiden. He said that he was going to piss himself there but if he had, it would have run down the stand he was on into the sound board and it would have shorted out the board.
Gary said that he peed in a diaper one time but he could never pee himself like Richard did. He said that if he was in the same situation as Richard, he'd have to miss a song to go to the bathroom. Richard said that Coheed and Cambria is so great that he just didn't want to miss anything. He said that they're the best live band he's ever seen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets the whole idea of having to use the bathroom when you really have to go but he finds it disgusting to be able to piss yourself when you can just walk to a bathroom. Richard said he agrees that it's disgusting but not really for him because he doesn't mind his own piss. It did bother his girlfriend though. He said that she understands how weird and odd he is. He said that she just stared at him for about 10 seconds when he told her what he had done. Richard said that he only wore those pee pants for about an hour and a half after he peed so they didn't get a chance to smell that bad.
Jon played a clip of Richard peeing his diaper today. After that they talked about how upset Artie got when he saw him peeing. Gary said that Artie didn't throw anything at him today but in 6 months who knows how he'd react to something like that.
Benjy said that he doesn't find it all that gross but he can't imagine standing there in your own urine like that. Richard said he knew that he was going home from the concert right after that so he wasn't too worried about peeing his pants. Richard said that he may be shitting his pants in a year or so from now.
Richard said that he and his girlfriend wipe boogers on each other just for fun. The guys sounded shocked by that. Richard said that they'll show each other their boogers and rate them and stuff like that.
Richard asked Gary if he's ever eaten his boogers. Gary said he hadn't but Richard didn't believe that. Gary said he swears he never has done that. Richard said that he used to eat his boogers when he was a kid but he doesn't do that anymore. He said he did it there to gross Sal out.
Gary said that Sal came up to him and asked him about the urine diaper thing this morning and he was surprised he was so grossed out by what Richard had done. Gary said that they've done grosser stuff than that before.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he eats his boogers too. That guy also asked Richard if there's any other concert that he'd go to where he'd shit his pants if he had to go. He said that if Stryper did a concert where they played all of their great songs, he might do it there.
Some other callers were asking about the peeing thing and talking about how strange Richard is. Gary asked Richard how many people he thinks actually do that kind of thing at a concert. Richard guessed that it would be 5 percent but Gary figured it would be much less than that.
Jon asked Richard about going to Applebee's instead of a nicer restaurant. Richard said that he doesn't like change and he knows that places like that are going to be good.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary when he became an elitist and thinks that Applebee's is so bad. Gary said that place is for kids and not so much for adults living in New York City. There are many better options there in the city where you can get some great food.
Another caller asked why Richard didn't rinse out his pants after he pissed them. Richard said that he just hung them on his door and didn't rinse them out at all. Richard said he didn't even think of doing that so maybe he is retarded.
The caller on the line said that they shouldn't be telling Richard to go out to eat anywhere but a place like Applebee's because he fits in at a place like that perfectly. Richard said that he loves the way Times Square is set up because you can go to Applebee's and then go to a movie theater which is right next door. He said that you don't even have to walk outside.
Richard and JD talked about going out to play skeeball one day and they were hogging the machines so kids couldn't play. Shuli told a story about Beetlejuice going out to play some claw machine trying to win stuffed animals at a place they were at one time.
Another caller said that Richard and his girlfriend are really strange and he wondered what the hell is up with that. He said that even Gary the Retard wouldn't do the stuff that Richard does. Gary said that he's probably right and Gary the Retard probably doesn't eat his boogers.
Richard talked about a kid in school who used to pee on him in the showers. He said the guy also shit on the hood of his car one time. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked JD about the porn clip that they played. JD said that he had seen the clip and it was a guy ''jackhammering'' her mouth like they said in the clip. Richard said that he had heard some similar noises but that one was pretty wild. Gary asked if any of them had heard a noise like that in real life. No one had.
Benjy asked the guys if they had ever been deep throated or if they had the desire to do something like that. They talked about that for a short time and Gregg from Howard TV was saying that Benjy was saying it the wrong way and he should be saying that he deep throated the girl and not the other way around. Benjy said he thought it was right the way he was saying it.
Jon asked Will what was going on with that chick Roxy. Will said that he told her what she had to do and she knew exactly what she was going to have to do but things eventually worked out. He said that he thinks there are levels of porn stars and they think that they're high class when they make these deals. He said he doesn't get why they have a problem taking their clothes off after they've swallowed stranger's loads.
Shuli reminded the guys of the time Richard crapped in a coffee can and put it in an oven at a rock show he was doing one time. Richard talked about that a little bit and also talked about being an electrician and how people would piss in the pipes and he'd have to suck string through them to put wire though them. He said that he'd turn the vacuum on and it would suck piss out and all over him. Shuli said he did that job for a while and never experienced that himself.
Richard talked about how he lived in a storage unit in Florida for a while and he would piss outside his door and the next morning he'd open it up and it would stink really bad.
Jon took a call from a guy who had a suggestion for Richard. He said that they have this thing called a Texas catheter that you can put over your dick so you can pee into a bag. Gary said that he can't imagine walking around with something like that. Benjy suggested that they take Richard to a McDonald's and change him on one of those changing tables in the bathroom.
A caller asked JD about the girls he has had before and why he thinks he can't get chicks. Gary said that JD could get chicks but he has all of these weird rules for the kind of girls he'd date. JD was getting all flustered and wasn't really having an easy time answering the questions the guys were asking him.
Gary said that JD has always had something going on in his life and he's had girls who are into him. Benjy said that he's heard that some girls think that JD is mean to them even though he's a really nice guy. JD said that if he doesn't know someone then he gets kind of defensive. That led to the guys asking JD about having a long term relationship. JD said that he had one when he was about 19 but that only lasted a month. He said that chick left him for a cop.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the show is very gay and it sounded like Artie's resentment toward the show was building up today when they were talking about all of that gay shit. Gary said that Artie does get upset with some of the stuff they do in the studio and it does seem to be a genuine aggravation he has.
JD said that he thinks that Sal and Richard are trying to channel their gayness through him because he's seen some of the ideas that they've had for the Wheel of JD and most of them involve his penis.
A phone caller asked why they're goofing on Coheed and Cambria so much because they're a great band. Gary said it wasn't the band that they were talking about and it was just what Richard did there that was freaking them out. The guy claimed that he might have to piss his pants if he was at a concert of theirs.
The guys talked about how great it was when Howard was making up the lyrics to the techno song that JD liked. Benjy said that was probably one of the greatest moments of the show in a long time.
Charlie was on the phone so Jon picked up on her. Charlie said that her phone call went horribly wrong for her. She said it was awful. JD asked her if she was there to get her plugs in on this show now. Charlie said she didn't know she had to come up with ideas to get on the show.
Gary told Charlie that she has to find a way to make herself more interesting. Shuli told her that she's too normal to be on the show regularly. Charlie thought that's how she won the contest though, she was just being herself and being the normal person that she is.
Gary told Charlie that she's trying to get plugs for stuff but she's not delivering anything to the show. He said that she has to do stuff that will get her on the show and make it interesting. Gary said that she must have been hit on by someone famous and she will probably never tell stories like that because they'd have to drag the stories out of her. She said they wouldn't if they would just answer the phone.
Charlie said that she doesn't get the JD thing and why he hates her so much. She said that she thinks that he's just mad at her because she didn't say hello to him when she got there at first.
Jon asked JD what she could do to get into her good graces. JD didn't have an answer for that. Gary told Charlie that she should drop him a note when she comes up with some ideas to talk about on the show. Gary said that he has a form that she might be able to fill out but he wants her to email him first with the subjects that she has for him.
Jon let Charlie go and took some more calls about JD. One guy said that his sister is really interested in JD and she'd like to meet him. He said that she was number 3 in the Miss Virginia contest a few years ago and he thinks that she'd like him. Gary told that guy to e-mail him and he'd set that up. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about his opening theme song and how he performed it live with Rob Zombie one time at the premiere of his movie ''Private Parts.'' He talked about how they mixed in their real voices with the recorded voices so it was basically lip syncing but also singing live. He said they sang over it so they were really singing. Robin said it sounded like lip syncing to her.
Howard said there were vocals on the track they were singing along to but they were singing. He said he had a lot of pressure that night so he was glad they had the track with the voices on it. Artie said it sounded like a Milli Vanilli thing going on. Howard said they actually sang on the record unlike Milli Vanilli.
Howard said he came in this morning and asked Ronnie how many more years he had left on his contract. They have 2 and a half more years left and Howard said he's been hearing that for a long time and it doesn't seem to be getting any shorter.
Artie thought that the 2 and a half years that have gone by so far went pretty quick. Howard said that's because he's having a blast doing what he's doing. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Howard started off with the Wrap Up Show clips. He had one of JD talking about why he doesn't like Jared again. He said that it's pretty funny to hear him trying to explain it to everyone. In the clip Gary tells JD that he still doesn't know why he hates Jared. JD tries to explain it and says that he thinks that Jared thinks he's better at everything than he is. Then JD just gives up and says that he doesn't want to get into it.
Howard and Artie talked about how Jared really is better than JD but he's also better than them in a lot of ways. Howard and Artie talked about that crazy talk for a minute.
Howard said that he had another clip from the Wrap Up Show where the guys were talking to Richard about his pissing himself. Howard said this clip was kind of gross too. In the clip Richard talks about wiping boogers on his girlfriend. He said they both do that to each other.
Howard was about to vomit thinking about that booger thing. He gagged a little bit and then talked about the picture that Richard sent to him where he's holding a booger. He said that he might have to ban him from using the Lotus Notes program they use there so he doesn't have to see that stuff anymore.
Howard played another clip where a fan calls and asks Richard what he did with the pants he pissed at the concert. Richard said he just hung them on his door without washing them. Robin said that didn't surprise her at all. She said that she was amazed that he actually showered.
Howard was distracted by Benjy when he got up and left the studio. Artie said he saw him putting in his contact lenses again so that's probably why he left. Benjy came in so Howard asked him what was going on. Benjy said that his contact got flipped over and he had to put it back in place. Howard thought Artie had seen him putting them in but Benjy said he was just fixing them.
Benjy said that it was bullshit that Artie saw him putting the contacts in. He said he just had to fix the one that was out of place. Robin said he's always got problems like that. Benjy said he doesn't have them all the time.
Howard got back to the Wrap Up Show clips and played one where Richard was talking about crapping his pants when he was a drummer and on tour. He said he would shit his pants and sit in it while he was playing.
Howard said he doesn't even believe that JD dated that girl for a whole month. Robin asked JD if she banged her. That led to Fred playing a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite audio clips since JD sounds so much like that guy.
Howard asked JD if he fucked that girl that he claimed to date for 30 days. JD said that he was going to but he got too nervous and backed out before it happened.
Howard cut JD off and said that Dancing with the Stars got him laid last night. He said that they're done with that show now. He said that he predicted some scores that the judges gave and he got them right. He said he had told Beth that she had to bang him if he got them right. He said he knew that she didn't want to do it but he woke her up and made her do it. He said that she's been going to a yoga class lately so she's always tired.
Howard said he became a massage boy last night and started to play the boy who was touching her in inappropriate places. He said that was foreplay for them. Artie thought that the Dancing with the Stars thing was kind of gay. Howard said he didn't care last night.
Artie asked JD how far he got with that chick he dated. JD said that he got to feel her tits under the clothes. He said that he backed out because everything got so awkward with her. He said that she was like a 6 to him. Artie asked JD what his count was for getting laid. Howard said even he knows how many it is. He said that it's 3 women. Artie said that the one chick he got him out in Vegas was just a blow job but JD said that he got laid.
JD said that he did get laid out there in Vegas so Artie said that it must have been quick because he was only gone for like 8 minutes. JD said it was longer than that. He said that after they were done the chick was ready to go so he just said ''Okay...'' Artie said that she was pretty hot looking too.
Howard asked JD what went on with the chick he was dating who went off with the cop. JD said that she went off with the cop, then someone else and then she got pregnant. Artie told JD it's good that he didn't get her pregnant. Howard said that it may have gotten him a chick if he had gotten her pregnant.
Howard said that he was sticking with his 3 girls theory about JD. JD said that it was more like 7 women. Howard said that he's got to be lying about that. Fred hasn't even had 7. Howard said he thinks that Fred has had two. Fred said that it's actually about 7. Howard said that Fred is lying and he's only been with 2. Fred said that this makes Howard feel that his day has been ruined if he had 7 women so he can say that it's just 2 if he wants to.
Howard went through the list of women he knew about and talked about what he and Fred have talked about before. He said that he knew of 2 and went through the history with Fred. Fred said that there were some women he had before his wife that he didn't have to tell them about. Howard thought Fred was lying but Fred insisted he wasn't. Howard told him to produce them for the show but Fred said he didn't have to do that.
Howard said that Fred is claiming that at K-Rock he had 3 women. Fred said that there were 3 there and Gary knew about one of them. Fred said he had 3 in college. He said that it would be 8 women if they counted blow jobs.
Howard said that Fred was going from 10 to 7 but Artie said that Fred was saying 7 from the start. Howard said that when he met Fred he was a hillbilly from Connecticut and he hadn't had any women. Fred seemed to be getting very irritated with Howard and went off on him for thinking that he's so special. Howard said he stands corrected then since he didn't know it was 7.
Howard said that he's had 9 women. He said that he can say how many he's banged but he can't say the names of the famous women he's had. He doesn't want to ruin any careers. Fred said that Angie Everhart was proud of it so it wouldn't ruin anyone's career.
Robin was wondering about the numbers that Fred was talking about and also thought that he was making up something. She said she never knew it was that many and there were at least 3 women that he had that he had never spoken about.
Fred tried to change the subject to Robin and Jim. He wanted to know if she's in love but Robin didn't want to get into that again.
Howard got back to JD and asked him if he was lying about the 7. JD said that he's not lying and he has had 7 different women. Howard said he's going to have Steve Langford investigate both of them. Artie said that's the assignment that's going to get Steve killed. Fred said that Steve had better stay home today.
JD said that some of his situations have been kind of shady so he can't get into it. Howard figured he had banged some married chicks or something. He said he's heard some of those stories. Howard asked JD how he got involved with those chicks. JD said he didn't want to get into that and mumbled a ''whatever...'' for them.
Howard said that it would be great if JD was Sal's wife's ''emotional friend.'' Artie said that he'd rather find out it was JD than a Chipendales dancer or someone like that. Howard asked JD what he would do if he found out something like that was true. Artie said that he still thinks that JD would be a better discovery than the dancer guy.
A caller asked Fred why he was so pissy this morning. Fred didn't think he was. The caller said that he was lashing out for no apparent reason. Fred said he wasn't lashing out at the caller. The caller said he was kind of disappointed in Fred. Fred said he hopes that it doesn't ruin his day and that he can still go to work today.
Robin said that Fred is awfully angry for someone who has had 7 women. JD left right around then. Artie said that there's no way that JD has banged 7 chicks.
Howard read some mail about the discussion they had about the Sex and the City movie yesterday. Some of the fans are upset about what they were talking about. Some people think that Howard is kind of gay for wanting to see that movie. Howard said that he might do some gay stuff like that but Artie cried at a Michael Jackson concert one time and that's kind of gay too.
Howard read some mail about how unfunny it was when Richard peed in a diaper yesterday. Some people want him kept out of the studio and caged outside. That led to Robin talking about Richard peeing outside of his storage unit that he was living in down in Florida.
Howard talked about an e-mail he had about Richard going to Applebee's. The writer said that he makes over $100,000 a year and he goes there for a quick bite to eat and it's no big deal. Howard said that he gets the point but it wasn't about Richard going to a mall, he was in the heart of Manhattan where he could go to an Italian family restaurant and have some great food for the same cost as going to an Applebee's. He said they have some great food at so many other restaurants. Howard said that Richard is a hick and that's why he went where he did.
Richard said that he wants to do the taste test that they're doing for the Pizza Hut where they test pasta from that place and other places. He said that people can't taste the difference. Richard said he likes their pizza but Howard told him that it's horrible.
Gary said that when those restaurants open up in Manhattan they have to charge more than they would out in the suburbs. Howard said he used to go to that Mars 2112 restaurant in Times Square and the food was really expensive and not all that fancy.
Richard said he goes to regular restaurants there in the city and he loves the food. He thought it was fine to go to Applebee's that night.
Howard said that he got some mail about how mean they were to Miss Black Howard Stern. There were some people who thought that they were right to go off on her the way they did. Howard read through a bunch of those e-mails and some people were saying that she should be kept off the show.
Howard said that they are going to have Miss Black Howard Stern, Charlie Superfly, on the show and they will do the Wheel of JD with her. They're going to have her doing some stuff with him.
Eric said that he has some other deals going on right now and he can't talk about that will not allow him to shave his head.
Howard said that Eric would have nothing going on in his life without this show. Howard said that Eric must be up for some shampoo commercial or something. Howard said that Fred makes a good point there with the comments he was making about him.
Fred went off on Eric for acting the way he is after the way they've treated him. He said that this is the way he repays them, by being a shithead to them. He asked Eric why he's such a dick. Eric didn't get a chance to answer because everyone was going off on him for not just going through with this part like he said he would.
Eric said that Fred was a jackass after he had gone off on him for a few. Fred all wound up today and going off on everything.
Howard said that Eric does this every time with the stuff he says he's going to do for the show. He always finds a way to back out of the deal. Eric said that he has quit the show before so that's why he never finished the scripts that he worked on in the past.
Howard asked Eric why he's worried about his hair if he's always wearing a hat. Eric said he can't go into why he can't shave his head because he's got this deal in the works. Howard figured that he has no deal and he's just using that as an excuse to back out of the deal.
Gary came in and said something about the script being done and was surprised when Howard said that he had read it even though Howard had just talked about that. Howard asked him if he ever listens to the show. Gary said that sometimes he misses things when he's on the phone. That led to some Baba Booey song parodies being played. They goofed on Gary for a short time because he was actually the one who had e-mailed Howard that script to read. Gary said he forgot about that.
Howard said that Eric has backed out of it and he figures it would never happen. Robin said that it was never going to be made anyway. Gary said that Colin is going to be really bummed out because he was into the script so much.
Howard said that Eric has never completed anything he's started. Eric said that he did finish his book ''Dougie The Puggie.''
Richard came in and said that he has friends who would love to work on this movie and do a fake mohawk that would look like the real thing. Fred said that Eric will find something else to use to back out of this deal.
Gary asked if they're going to cut Eric off and not let him plug anything anymore. Howard said that he's not going to pressure Eric to do anything. He said that he calls himself an actor but he's obviously not going to prove that he's an actor by doing this thing.
Eric said that all he's going to say is that the people he's possibly going to work with is something he's wanted to do for a long time now. Gary asked if they're going to work with him if he can't plug what he's doing there on the Howard Stern Show. Howard told Eric that his hair would grow back. Eric said that it won't grow back in the time he needs it to grow back in. Howard said that he's not going to have Colin go any further with this thing if Eric is going to back out of it.
Fred suggested that they use that Dominic the Midget guy for the part. Howard said that Eric was the draw there. Eric said that the room (JFSC.tv) was suggesting a fake mohawk. Howard said they'd think about that but he's not sure that Colin would want to do that. Howard said that maybe Eric could wear a wig for the other part he's getting and really cut the mohawk. Eric said that it would be on live TV so he can't do that. The guys argued with him about that for a few seconds but Eric kept them on the line saying that it sucked that he couldn't talk about this other deal he had.
Eric said that the other deal is with someone who is going to be in there from June 1st through the 9th. Howard said that they could start on the 10th then and do the movie then. Robin told Eric that they contracted with him first. Eric said his other deal has been in the works for a long time. Howard was wondering what project he'd be involved with that would require a full head of hair.
Robin said that this was Colin's first deal that he had a go with and now that's getting canceled. Eric said that he's catching flack from everyone in his room and he will do the deal no matter what. Then he said that he can't do the mohawk. Artie said that's not ''no matter what'' then.
Howard said that it must be a wrestling deal that Eric has in the works. He said that he remembers hearing a commercial for some cage fighting deal and that must be what he's talking about. Howard asked Eric if he was close on that. Eric said he had no idea if he was close or not. Howard told him he had to go.
Artie told Eric he sucks as they were saying goodbye to him. Eric said that he'd be willing to do the film if there wasn't the issue of the mohawk. Howard thanked him and let him go. He said he was done with that conversation.
Howard said that they can't do Taxi Driver unless it's parody and they had to go through meetings with lawyers and stuff to make sure they could do it. He said there's still a chance that it won't happen. Howard said that they're already spending money on it and now Eric is backing out. He said that Colin has written a killer script and it looks like it would work.
Howard said that there are lawyers telling them that there are issues with making this parody movie. He said that even if they get Eric to commit to it, there's still a chance they won't be able to make it. Howard said that he still thinks that Eric just doesn't want to shave his head and no one told him he can't shave it.
Howard had some clips from Dolly Parton's audio book that he played. They were edited clips that Richard put together where he had her using the N-word, calling celebrities names and accusing people of doing weird stuff. He played a bunch of those clips and said that her book probably shot to number one after people heard those clips. He played through a few more and said he had to take a break.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would do a movie with Woody Allen or Roman Polansky. Howard said that he was offered a job with Woody but he didn't want to give the plot of the movie. He said that it probably would have been pretty funny but he didn't agree to do it. Howard said that he has a problem with what Woody did to Mia Farrow. He said that he might throw all of his morality out the window and do it. He said that at the end of the day he's a huge Woody Allen fan.
Gary said that he saw that there was a movie on Woody's IMDB profile where he's playing brothers with someone. Howard said that it wasn't written by Woody so that wasn't it. He said it may have been similar to that though.
Howard talked about what Woody Allen did to Mia and how wrong that was. He said that he can get plenty of women and he didn't have to go after her adopted daughter.
Howard said that he's been in places where Woody has been at but he's never had the chance to talk to the guy to ask him about what he did. He said that he was right next to him at a restaurant one time but he didn't say anything. He said he thinks that he went to a very dark and fucked up place with that Sun Yi.
The caller said that he saw the show on Howard TV with Justine Jolie on it and he said that was a great show. He said that it was very cool to see the girls on top of each other messing around and stuff. Howard said that he thinks that channel is the most important channel out there right now.
Howard said he thinks that the bowling show is going to shoot them to the top once that comes out later this month.
Richard said that the guy sticks the chick's head in the water and then lets her come up for a quick breath and then sticks her head in again.
Artie asked Howard if he thinks that Sal is capable of killing a woman. Howard said he does think he could. Sal came in saying ''No way'' over and over again. Howard asked Sal how his marriage is going. Sal said that it's like living with a roommate that you can't get rid of. He said that it's become an arraignment and it's like they're just like their parents waiting for the kids to grow up and get out of the house.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks the 143 thing is over with the wife. Sal said he doesn't think that she's back with that guy but he's desensitized to everything. Sal said he tried to improve the relationship but something happened that kind of screwed it up again. He said that she went back to the emotional friend thing and that kind of screwed it up.
Sal said that he doesn't give a shit anymore. There's nothing that he can do. He said he loves his wife and kids and he thinks that his wife loves him. He said that he's pretty sure that she's not talking to the emotional friend anymore. Sal said that she got a new phone and put a password on it so he can't check it anymore.
Sal said that he has the whole crew from the Howard Stern Show on his phone and he doesn't even password protect it.
Howard asked Sal why he would want to live in a loveless marriage. Sal said he thinks that there is love there and that's why he's staying. Fred asked Sal what it is that's stopping it from getting better. Sal said that they made these commitments to be married and raise kids. Fred asked him what's holding them back from becoming close again. Sal said that he's not sure.
Howard said that the problem is that Sal is fucked up because he doesn't know how to read women. That led to Sal talking about how he can read women and said that he sees these women going out and cheating on their husbands. He said that if you catch someone cheating on you and you kill the other guy, that's wrong. Howard said that it seems like Sal hates women.
Sal said that he doesn't hate women. He said that if he did, he wouldn't be shacked up with this pain in the ass for the rest of his life. Sal said that there are a lot of women who cheat on their husbands and they deserve some kind of restitution.
Will came in and said that Sal has a theory about the 8 stages of marriage. Howard cut him off with that and asked him about his black eye. Will said that his buddy accidentally hit him when they were horsing around. Gary said he thinks there's more to it too.
Gary said that Will told him that guys get black eyes all the time. Gary said he doesn't know of anyone who has had a black eye in a long time. He said that it doesn't happen all the time.
Sal said that Will gets very racy when he drinks and said that Robin might want to leave the room if they're going to talk about that. Sal said that Will isn't racist but he gets very vicious and uses the N-word and stuff. Will said that this isn't true and this discussion is retarded. Sal said that when people are drinking that kind of stuff comes out. He said that the n-word comes out and gets thrown around and stuff.
Sal said that he called Chris Rock the N-word one time before he was on the show and he didn't get mad at him. He said it was before he was on the show. He said that he asked him what a nig*er like him was doing at a Beastie Boys concert. Howard told Sal that was unbelievably ridiculous. He said he can't imagine saying that to someone like that.
Howard asked Will if he's been kicked out of more than 6 bars in New York City. Will said that he has like it was no big deal. He said that it's more than 6.
Gary told Sal to get his phone out and demonstrate how he uses the voice activation. He showed how he does Jason and then said ''Call Cheating Cunt'' to call his wife. Sal said that's just a joke of course. The phone repeated ''Call cheating cunt'' when he said it.
Artie said that he's got some advertising deal going for the site. He said he's going to sell ringtones and stuff on there too. Artie said that this is the first time he's seeing the site. He said that it does look pretty good. They had some video up there and stuff like that. He said that JD is going to be doing a blog on there and the site will be very interactive.
Lisa asked Artie if he's had any updates on his assistant search. Artie said he thinks that he's going to hire a broad instead of a dude. He said that he doesn't want to sound sexist but he thinks that a chick can do a better job than a dude can. Howard said that he agrees with that because he dealt with Betty Thomas who directed his movie and she did a great job while guys want to do things in a different way. He said that Betty worked the craft for 30 years and moved her way up instead of starting out as an expert.
Lisa spoke to some guy who used to work with Jon Hein in the comedy improve group he was in. She said that they're looking for video of Jon doing that stuff so if you have any, send it to them over at Howard 100 News.
Howard asked Lisa about the shirt she was wearing today and if she would ever wear it without jeans on and just high heels. The shirt was really long and it could be a dress. Lisa said that she'd look very silly like that. Howard said that she should trust him on that and just wear it the way he was describing. Artie agreed with him and thought that she'd look great like that.
Artie said that the guys who did his web site are the same guys who do Howard's site, Dream Tank. Howard said that they seem to have done a better job on Artie's site than they even did on his site. He went to break a short time later.
Howard played another clip where a reporter talks about Hillary Clinton liking dicks instead of ''dislikes.'' In another clip a weatherman says ''shit.''
Howard had the audio of Summer Verona that he talked about earlier. He said he had a long version this interview she did but he wasn't sure he wanted to play all of that. Robin sounded like she was fine with it.
Howard played the clip from the Tyra Banks show where she's talking about Summer Verona and how her ''father'' helps her out in the porn industry. Tyra asks Summer about her ''dad'' waxing her and stuff like that. Summer called that guy her ''father figure'' and not really her dad. She said that it's really not as creepy as people think it is.
In another clip Tyra is talking about how Summer went to work at the Bunny Ranch to be a whore. Rich, the father figure, is asking her about going back to work. Summer says that she's not all that into it so Rich has to give her some advice about it.
In another clip Summer talks about the guy that she was with at the ranch and how she wasn't able to get into him because she was thinking about her boyfriend. Summer breaks down and cries over the Bunny Ranch job and how she's not sure she can do it anymore. Summer tells Tyra that she's going to stop doing that job so she can get back to a normal job. Tyra asks if she thinks that she's letting her dad down by doing that. She said she doesn't care about that. Rich then says that he'll be supportive of whatever she wants to do but he's not optimistic that this is what she'll continue to do.
Tyra had Summer's boyfriend in the audience so they went to him and asked him what he was thinking. He said it wasn't something he wanted to see his girlfriend doing. Then he begged Summer to quit doing that and do something else. He said that she's smart and intelligent and she could do something else with her life. Summer said that she was in love with this Ryan guy and she had never said that about anyone before.
JD said that Ryan proposed to Summer at the end of the show. Howard said that the ''Dad'' probably won't be allowed to wax her anymore now.
Howard said that Summer was on their show but Tyra has continued the story. Robin said she was kind of pissed that she took that story to Tyra's show.
Howard said that Gary is the guy who hit his head on a curb in a motorcycle accident so maybe that's what happened to him. He said that he was pretty good in some of the movies that he's been in but something happened to him.
Howard said he had some audio of Busey on Geraldo's TV show. He said that he doesn't get Geraldo and what he's done with his career. He spent a minute talking about that and then played the audio of Geraldo asking Gary Busey about some of the drugs he did in the past. At one point Gary tells Geraldo what EGO stands for. He said it stands for ''Easing God Out.'' Howard heard that and said that he could listen to that stuff all day long and he wants to book him for the show.
Howard talked about the time he had to wrestle Busey to the floor in the studio when he was trying to get a hold of Robin. Artie said that Jim Florentine was in the studio that day. Artie said he missed out on that show because he was only part time at the time. Howard was the one who came to Robin's rescue that day, it wasn't Jim Florentine.
Howard said that Cindy told him that he had to get Hillary on the show and that she could try to make that happen. Then she quotes him as saying that she should come on his show. Howard said he never said that to her. He never said that he wanted her on his show. Howard said that Cindy was the one pushing him to get Hillary on the show and now she's not quoting him right. He asked her to start carrying a tape recorder so she can get those quotes right from now on. He said he was a little annoyed by what she was saying.
Howard said that it's kind of frustrating to him that she's doing that and claiming that he said stuff that he didn't say. Artie said that he could sue her saying that she's making people think that he's not funny with the comments she quoted.
Howard read a story about Dina Lohan and how she's being honored as a great mother along with other people like Ray Stern. That led to Howard talking about the call he got from his mother about her getting a phone call about this event. He said that she was asked to be part of it but she wanted nothing to do with it. Howard said he didn't want her to have anything to do with it either but they included her anyway. He said that he's glad that his mother didn't want to be involved with it.
Howard said that he thinks that Gary's mother would want to get involved with it. Gary said that his mother has done things before that have annoyed him and he's pretty sure that she's be very happy to get that honor that Howard's mom turned down.
Howard said he's glad that his mother is the way she is. He said that she doesn't do stuff like that without asking him first.
Howard said that he saw the last episode of Rock the Cradle and it looked like Joe Walsh had been guilted into showing up on the episode. Artie saw the episode and thought that Belinda Carlisle was talking about what Jesse Snider had done on this show.
Robin said she saw Beth on TV last night. Howard said that she's going to be doing an interview with Melania Trump for that show Extra. Howard didn't think that Melania was all that friendly toward Beth but then they asked her to do the interview and she requested Beth as the one to do it. He said that might get him in even closer with Trump.
Howard said that show Extra is fucked up because they do a 2 hour interview and then use about 3 seconds of it during the show. He said that Beth was following Melania around to find a dress for some fashion show she was going to be going to. Robin said that show was last night. Howard said Beth would have gone to that event if she had been invited. He said that she loves putting on that designer shit and going out but it's just a nightmare to him.
Howard said that Beth is going out tonight to some event and she's going to be wearing something where she's going to look just about naked.
Howard asked Artie about a mark on his face that turned out to be the remnants of a zit. Artie said that it's horrible to get zits like that at his age. He said that it was the bane of his existence for the longest time. He said that he was deathly afraid of having the craters on his face like some kids did in high school. Howard said he had a teacher that was all acne scarred and it was pretty bad. He said that they have stuff that can help kids out these days though. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he heard from Will that Steve wasn't going to be talking about what was going on behind the scenes of Dancing with the Stars and the girls he was dancing with. He mentioned that Steve was part of the Anal Ring Toss game that he played with Artie.
Steve said that he didn't lose Dancing with the Stars. He said that he walked away from that. Howard said he heard that Steve was telling Beth all of these stories from him about what went on behind the scenes. Steve said that he can't talk about that stuff on the air because it's really not cool. Howard said that he should do it.
Howard said he heard that there were some people hooking up behind the scenes. Steve said he thinks that there were quite a few. He said that Shannon Elizabeth and the guy who she was dancing with were out knoodling the other night so he assumes that they're a couple. He said that the guy is not gay like some people think.
Howard asked what Shannon has done since she was in American Pie. Steve thought she was number one on the list of Maxim Magazine's hottest women list. Howard said he found that hard to believe.
Howard asked Steve about some of the other contestants on Dancing with the Stars and if any of them were hooking up. Steve said that he had this guy Mario and the women that he brought to a party he held at his house one time. He said he's not sure if Mario is banging that Karina chick but it does seem like there's some crazy stuff going on there.
Howard said he knows that Adam Carolla didn't bang his chick. Steve said that he didn't bang his chick either. He said he didn't even pop a rod when he was dancing with her. Howard didn't remember if Steve's chick was hot or not. Howard said that some of the chicks were kind of piggy in the face.
Howard told Steve he heard from this chick who told him that he was a real freak in bed. He said that the chick told him that he does stuff in bed that she didn't know could be done. Steve went on to say that it's genetics and he has a big penis just like his father and grandfather had. He said that he has about 10 inches when he's hard. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard figured he was even big when he was flaccid.
Howard told Steve that he's about half an inch when he's flaccid but about 6 inches when he's hard. Steve said that even he's small when he gets out of the shower.
Howard said that Beth has seen him flaccid and she still stays with him. Howard said that he thinks that Steve was trying to hit on Beth but Steve said that's not the way he works. He said that he would never do that to Howard. He said that he treats her like she's a sister to him. Steve said that he lives near Howard and they live in a really nice area.
Richard came in and asked Howard if he wanted him to go into the bathroom with Steve and measure it. Steve said that he wouldn't be able to get excited over Richard. Steve said that sometimes he gets out of the shower and is impressed with the size and figures that more people should see it.
Howard said that they had some notes about porn star Brittany Star talking about how Steve had whipped it out for her one time. Steve said that he does like to show his off.
Howard asked Steve if he's wealthy because he's done some really popular movies like Cocoon and Three Men and a Baby. Steve said that he makes a few clumps of good money here and there but it's not a regular thing.
Howard said that Steve invested like 2 million in a small movie that he was in to promote the last time he was on. That movie only made $26,000.
Howard asked Steve about how much he's made in his career. Steve said that it's a ''few 10s'' of millions. He said that it wasn't 50 million like Howard thought. Steve said that he made some good investments and he's doing okay now. He said he's able to take care of his family and friends now so that's what matters. He said that he shares his money with them.
Steve said that he can go a really long time with women so maybe that's what Howard was hearing about from that woman who told him about his crazy sex. Howard asked Steve if he has a hard time getting his whole penis in a woman. Steve said that he's still an innocent and he loves having sex.
Howard asked Steve why he was sweating so much. Steve said that he doesn't use deodorant so he sweats. Howard told him he uses Dry Idea and it's the best deodorant.
Howard asked Steve if the women comment on the size of his penis when he pulls down his pants. Steve said that they do but he's not the kind of guy who gets the women from his looks so he has to use that. He said that the women usually like it, he hopes. He said that he won the lottery with his penis.
Steve said that he needs some kind of controversy in his life. Howard told him that he should go on a vacation, maybe Hawaii, and do some nude sunbathing and let the paparazzi get some shots so people can see just how big he is. Then he can fake all of the lawsuits and go on a bunch of TV shows complaining about his privacy being invaded and stuff like that. That would get him some attention.
Robin said that 10 inches sounds like too much to her. Howard asked Steve if he's ever given a chick anal. Steve must have shaken his head yes because Howard said he was saying yes. He asked him what that must be like. He asked him if he's responsible with that thing and if he has to use K-Y to get in there. Steve said that it's all normal and he doesn't have to do that.
Howard asked Steve if he uses toys or anything in bed. Steve said that he does nothing out of the ordinary. He can't even get to strange positions or anything like that. He said he doesn't even go down on a woman but then said he was just kidding and he has done that.
Howard wanted to know what kind of crazy stuff this one woman was talking about him doing if Steve says he just does normal stuff. Steve isn't sure what she was talking about.
Howard asked Steve about some women he's worked with and if he's ever banged any of them. Steve wasn't talking but he was denying a bunch of names that Howard was bringing up. They were throwing out a bunch of names but no details were coming from Steve.
Steve was talking about what a great studio they had there and how nice the atmosphere was. Howard then asked him if he banged Jessica Simpson when he worked with her. Steve said that never happened. Howard asked him if he ever had his salad tossed. Steve just started laughing and said that the first time he got it was from a Miss California and he had no idea what was going on. He said that she went in there and he figured that she didn't know where she was at. He said that he was worried that he smelled there but figured it must not have. He said that he can't even take a thermometer back there though.
Howard said that he's pretty sure that he couldn't do anything back there because he'd be afraid that it stinks. He said he's got a lot of hair going on back there too.
Steve asked Howard about his wiping because he thought that he was pretty clean with wet tissue and stuff. Howard told him he uses baby wipes now. Steve started cracking up when he heard that. Howard proved that he does use them by pulling out the baby wipes from his bag. Steve cracked up even more when he saw that.
Howard told Steve that the baby wipes really work well and he has to poke in there with those things. He said that he'd love to show people the process he does.
Steve said that he's been told that if you sit down when you pee that you won't have prostate problems. He said that when he sits his penis can sometimes hit the water. Howard said that was mind boggling to him. He said that it must be really long to actually touch the water. Steve said he was afraid that his mother was listening to this today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was doing some work for Steve's brother at a pizza place and he thinks that Steve smelled like pot when he stopped by. Steve said that he does smoke some once in a while but he's not really a pot head.
Another caller said he heard that Steve banged Kim Cattrall. Steve said he did not. Howard said that Neil Patrick Harris was on the show recently and said that he had banged Ben Stiller's wife years ago and now he's all over the news in articles about that story.
Howard said that giving up some names for them to give up to the press might help him out. Steve said that he's afraid to say the names because he's afraid to piss them off. Steve said he'd love to but he's too afraid.
Howard asked Steve if he got Courtney Cox. Steve said he did not. He said he didn't get Sharon Stone either. He said that he didn't get Elizabeth McGovern. Kirstie Alley was mentioned and Steve said that she was a very nice lady. He said that he wishes that he could say but he just can't.
Another phone caller said that maybe Steve got Tom Selleck. Steve said that he was a handsome man but he has never had a man.
Howard heard that Steve went to a benefit show and Sal bothered him the whole night. Steve cracked some jokes about Sal but said that he was actually a nice guy that night. Sal came in to defend himself but ran out when Steve said he was just kidding.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked Steve ''Mr. Big Cock'' who he dated. He wanted him to just say that instead of who he ''banged.'' Steve said that he dated Maureen McCormick from the Brady Bunch. He said that was many years ago though.
Howard asked Steve who he's attracted to and who he dated. He asked him if Marsha tossed his salad. Steve laughed again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was at a ''rub and tug'' up in Danbury Connecticut and they told him that Steve had just been there before him. Steve said that he had no reason to be in Danbury and he can't imagine they were telling the truth. Steve said that people say they're him all the time because he's such an ordinary looking guy.
Steve said he wishes that he was more controversial. Howard told him that he was fine, he talked about his big penis. Howard said that might even get him some mentions in the papers. Howard asked him what kind of rubbers he uses. He said that he uses Magnums. Howard asked him how old he was when he first realized he needed those things and not regular ones. Steve said he was working on a movie at the time when he first heard about them. A woman he was with told him that he needed the bigger ones.
Howard said that Jason has to use the Magnums too. That led to Jason coming in and saying that it's not the length, it's the girth. Jason said that he's not embarrassed to buy condoms now that he buys Magnums. He said that he's very proud of them now. Howard said he might have to put some stuff on his cock to make it bigger so he can buy some Magnums.
Artie said that he doesn't wear Magnums, he uses the same condoms that Howard does. Howard asked Steve if he's ever gotten a chick pregnant. Steve said that he hasn't and he's very happy about that. Howard asked Steve about doing anal and if he's ever found doody on his condom. Steve laughed again.
Steve told a story about how he was banging a chick one time and caught a whiff of doody while they were having regular sex. He said that turned him off to that chick and he ended it with her. He said that he had to end it with another chick because she had a hair on her nose. Howard said that he's smelled bad ass on a chick before and he had to end it with her too.
Howard asked Steve about pulling out a plumb with a chick and Steve laughed his ass off again. Howard said that he can't believe he's 54 years old and talking about this stuff the way he does. He said he's got to get out of this business.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hung out with Steve at the charity event he was at recently and he's a pussy magnet. The guy said that Steve was checking out some of the chicks there and he was able to get some numbers for the guy before he left. The guy thinks that Steve is a sex addict because he was talking about how all he can think about is pussy.
Howard said that he thinks that Steve was interested in Beth until he found out she was dating him. Steve said that he knew that she was with Howard and he never wanted to hit on her.
Howard wrapped up with Steve and told him that he was his bro and he did vote for him on Dancing with the Stars. He said that Steve is flying out to L.A. for some meetings and stuff so hopefully he'll get some deals going out there. He has a meeting with Warner Brothers so Artie joked that he heard that he was going out to the Warner Brothers store out there. Steve said that he hopes he didn't jinx it by talking about it on the air. Howard told him he has a role for him in a Taxi Driver remake because their star may be backing out of the deal.
Howard asked Steve about the girl with the doody smell. Steve said that he stopped in the middle of banging her. He didn't even finish with that chick. Robin said that Gary once finished banging a chick who was vomiting. Howard said that Gary is a real man and he finished the job. Howard had to wrap up and go to break after that.
Howard thought that song he played was awful but Fred seemed to kind of like it. Howard went on to talk about how Steve was spilling the beans during the break about what was going on at Dancing with the Stars. He said he wishes that he had that Steve on the air.
Howard took a call from a guy who played a ''who's younger than Beth O'' game. He had Jude Law, The World Trade Center and some other stuff. The guy said he just did that to get on the air but Howard really didn't care about playing.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Howard asked Steve about his big penis but Steve said that was all nonsense. He said that they have a story about Benjy Bronk winning the Paris Hilton BFF web site thing. Steve said that they will have more on that.
Howard said that Benjy came to him and asked if he could take a month off to be Paris' best friend if they let him do it. Howard said he told him no. He said he doesn't want Benjy taking a month off from his job because he's got an important job that he does well. Howard said he's pretty sure Benjy won't be getting that opportunity anyway. He said that Paris isn't looking for some old guy who looks like Curly from the Three Stooges.
Howard said that if they do give Benjy the time of, they'd have to bring someone else in to do his job. Howard said that if they let Sal sit him for him, and he does a better job, then he might have to fire Benjy and let him go.
Benjy said that he doesn't want to risk his job. Howard told him that he can risk it if he wants to. Benjy said he just wanted to know how Howard felt about it.
Howard said he just got a note about how Steve had stopped them from letting a woman on the show who said he had a big penis. Howard said that's how they initially found out he had a big penis. Steve said that they just heard a claim. He said that he didn't know who they were even talking about.
Artie said that it seems like Steve thinks that he's not going to be a good news man if they think he has a big penis. Gary said that Steve asked them not to put that person on the air and they obliged. Robin said that she's asked Steve to leave her and Jim alone but he won't do that.
Howard asked Robin what she defines as a big penis. Robin said that it would be between 8 and 10 inches. Howard asked Steve if he uses Magnums. Steve said he doesn't even know what that is. He said he had no idea if he's even over 8 inches.
Richard came in and asked if Steve could pull his pants out just so he could look down to see what he's got going on in there. Everyone freaked out and told him no to that.
Steve said they'll have more on the Kenneth Keith Kallenbach death and about the company that's running the prison that he was being held in. Steve said that Riley Martin is back live this week. Jackie's Joke Hunt is also on tonight on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show Preview after that. He ran down all of the stuff that they were going to try and cover today on the show. That led to everyone talking about Fred and his claims of having 7 women in his life. Howard said that he thinks that Fred would be embarrassed to have had less than JD had.
Howard asked Fred if he swore on the life of his daughter that he had more than 2 women in his life. Fred said that he did. He swore that he banged 7 women so Howard said he stands corrected then. Fred said it proves nothing though. Howard said that it isn't meaningless. He said that the number of women a man has had is the man's worth. Howard said he still doesn't believe that he's had 7.
Howard wondered what a man's worth is if it's not based on how many women he's had. Fred said that it's the man's word.
Fred said that he hates those discussions they have in there where guys talk about women in a really negative way. He said that really gets to him because he has a daughter of his own.
Howard had Jon get back to his show rundown and asked him how many women he's had in his life. Jon said that it's only 2. He said that he got married at 22 so he's been with his wife for a long time. He said that he was with her for 5 years before they got married. Jon said he was just being honest.
Artie asked who the other chick was. Jon said that she actually called the show one time and revealed that she had taken his virginity. Jon said he doesn't feel he missed out on anything. He said that he did fool around and did some other stuff before he got married.
Jon got back to his show preview and ran down a few more subjects they were going to be covering today. Artie talked about the Woody Allen movie that Howard was talking about that he was offered. Howard said that the deal was years ago and not something very recent.
Howard did some singing along to the techno song that he was singing along to yesterday. He was making up some gay lyrics like he did yesterday. Robin read some news about Clay Aiken's new album so Howard goofed on that for a short time. They had to go to break a short time later, right around 10:05am.
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a call in show. Robin got back to her news after that and read a story about the new Nine Inch Nails album being given away for Free by Trent Reznor. Howard played some of the new album and said he'd give it away free too. He wasn't so sure about it after hearing a minute of the first song. He tried a second song that was actually a song parody called ''Protein Milkshake.'' That one he liked. Howard played another Nine Inch Nails song and Robin said she wasn't really feeling it either. Howard tried a third song and they weren't liking that one either.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan appearing on ''Ugly Betty'' this season, Britney Spears returning to ''How I Met Your Mother,'' Oprah Winfrey's latest interview with Tom Cruise and the rumor that someone dies in the new ''Sex and the City'' movie.
Howard said that there's a scene in the credits of ''Iron Man'' where they show previews of the sequel. He said that he missed it in the credits but he was able to see it on the internet. He said it looks good already. Howard talked about some other upcoming super hero movies that he thinks would be good.
Robin read through some more stories and had one about a woman who had a Yankees sticker on her car and ended up getting taunted by some Red Sox fans. She ended up killing someone when she ran them over. Robin said that the woman said she just wanted to scare them but they didn't get out of the way. Howard said that he's talked about these people who put stuff on their cars and how it's bound to bring them trouble. He said that Scott DePace once chased a guy who had a Democratic sticker on his car. We're dealing with nuts in this world and even though we have the freedom to put stuff like that on our cars, there are nutty people out there who are going to get upset with whatever it is you put on the car. Howard said he knows a guy (Artie) who blew up at a guy just for saying ''Bloomies.''
Robin read a story about Jodi Applegate who thought that her mother was her adoptive parent but she found out that it was her biological mother. She said that the mother never told her because of the stigma that would have been attached to her for not being an unwed mother.
Ralph called in and said that Kathie Lee read the story about Howard's mother being on that best mother's list that they talked about earlier. Gary said that they had the audio clip if Howard wanted to play it. Gary had to describe where it was, twice, before he was able to find it. In the clip Kathie Lee mentioned Howard Stern's mother being on that list and there were some cheers from the crowd. Howard spent a minute talking about that clip and what his mother said about it.
Howard said that Ralph is getting a special that they're going to be running soon. He said that they should be prepared for an avalanche of hate mail after that. Howard played a new song parody about Ralph where they call him a Berry Faced Fag over and over to the tune of ''Everybody Wants To Rule the World.'' Howard let Ralph go so Robin could get back to her news.
Robin did her daily coverage of the presidential race with some stories about Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John McCain.
Robin had some news about the gas prices going up 5-10 cents a week this month. Howard said that some of the prices are up over 4 bucks a gallon there in New York City. Artie said that he got a Land Rover for his shore house and that thing uses some crazy gas. Robin said that she filled up recently and it cost her $55 and it wasn't even on empty. Artie said that Mercedes tells you not to put in anything other than premium in his car. He said that he's too scared not to put that in there.
Robin read some news about Tom Hanks coming out to support Barack Obama. She also read a story about Steven Spielberg getting into the video game business. Howard said that those games are making big money now and making more than some movies.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton being on David Letterman's show reading the top 10 list. She also had one about how the Joker (Heath Ledger) dolls from the new Batman movie are flying off the shelves. Howard said that he saw the trailer for that movie and it actually looked like it might be kind of shitty. He spent a minute on that and talking about the Speed Racer cartoons of the past. He said he hates that Anime look of those cartoons.
Robin read through another couple of stories and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
JD said that people like Jason and Ronnie are always giving him a hard time about stuff. He said that Jason was telling Shuli that his 7 girls don't count because they were whores and not ''real girls.'' Jason was claiming that he had 4 girls and he was goofing on him about that. Gary said that he's just goofing on him. JD said he loves Jason but he was giving him a hard time.
Jason came in and said that he wasn't saying that his women didn't count. He said that he was saying that Fred's list was more solid because he went out and had to get girls while JD had porn stars and strippers. Jason said that one of JD's girls worked at the Bunny Ranch but JD said that she didn't.
Gary asked JD how many girls were civilians. JD said maybe 2 or 3. Jason said he wasn't putting him down, he was just giving his opinion on the Fred and JD 7 girls thing. He said that he was comparing the two of them and the way they got their girls.
Jason said that he loves Jamie (JD) but he's always got comments to make to him about being an air whore and stuff like that. He said that JD is really a downer and he tries to talk him up telling him he's great on the air.
Jason said that he thinks that JD gets upset when the uncool people get voted for stuff he thinks they don't deserve there. Gary said that JD was talking about JD's comments about Ronnie and Jared and how he can take the ribbing from Ronnie but not Jared.
Jason gave his opinion on why he thinks JD doesn't like Jared. JD said that he thinks that he explained it much better than he could. Now it's all become a cold war between the two and they won't even talk to each other.
JD said that he and Jared had to talk about something today and they were fine. It was work related though. Benjy asked JD if he thinks that he'd be friends with Jared if he got into a horrible accident and he was disfigured. JD said he doesn't think that would change it.
Jon asked JD about the ''one upping'' comment he made earlier and asked what he meant by that. JD talked about the ball busting he has to take from Ronnie and the guys and how it gets old after a while.
Gary asked JD what he would do if they didn't talk about him on the air at all for a year. JD said that he's not sure it would be better. He said that he's not sure anything can make him happier. Gary asked him if he enjoys any of the exposure. JD said it is kind of cool to be known on the show but there's the other side of him that thinks he doesn't deserve it because of his low self esteem.
Gary asked him why being on the air doesn't raise his self esteem. JD said that it just doesn't. He had to mumble that answer out though. Gary said that JD did one of the hardest things that anyone ever did. He worked as an intern there and created the job that he has now. Jason said that they created the job and JD didn't even create it. It was actually Melrose Larry Green who created that job of getting clips to play.
Gary said that he went to Howard and told JD how good he was at doing his job and asked if they could create a real job for him. He said that JD was so good that they got him a paying job. JD said that kind of boosted his self esteem. Jason said that JD gets upset if he gets something that he thinks he doesn't deserve and hates him for it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to know what Jason's number was for chicks. Jason said it was 4 and none of them were ''professionals.'' The caller also said he hates that hooting sound that JD makes when he laughs. JD said that he's easily amused, he can't help it.
A woman called in and said that she feels bad for JD and it must be causing an inner turmoil because he's getting air time, which is cool, but he's also getting goofed on. JD said that's kind of true. Gary said that he's also being himself on the air and that's why Howard likes him so much on the air.
Benjy asked the woman on the phone if she has trouble believing that a guy is into her when she's dating someone. She said that she does have that problem sometimes. She said that she has that hot chick syndrome where she doubts it when she's told she looks nice.
Ronnie came in and said that he heard JD talking about him yesterday and how he hates Jared now because he hangs out with him. JD said that he doesn't like the condescending jokes that he tells. Ronnie asked what jokes he's talking about. JD gave his standard answer of ''I don't know...'' JD tried to explain himself but he wasn't having any luck getting out his thoughts.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks he did wrong. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said that JD just hates people for no apparent reason. JD said that he can't win with Ronnie and he just gives up. Ronnie said that what set JD off yesterday was when he made a joke about following Jon to the studio and his telling him to pick up after Jon.
Jason said that Ronnie used to intimidate him but now he knows that he's just joking around. Ronnie said he thinks that JD loves when he busts his balls. Jason said that he thinks that JD doesn't like it when Ronnie busts his balls while hanging out with Jared.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD might be retarded because he can't put a sentence together. The guy went off on him for a few seconds about that until his phone crapped out. The guys talked about how JD can be more cocky off the air in texts and stuff.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't get what the big deal is there. He said that of course JD is conflicted when he's on the air because he can't get out a sentence. He said that he can't be proud of what he does on the air. The guys said that JD was playing with his microphone a lot and it was kind of disturbing.
Another caller said he thinks that Ronnie is an instigating bastard. He said that he really does push his buttons. Ronnie said that he's not the only one pushing buttons there. Ronnie said that everyone is an instigator there.
Jon asked the caller how JD should handle Ronnie. The guy said that he should stay away from Ronnie. Ronnie said that he can't stay away from him. JD said that he loves everybody, for the most part.
A woman called in and asked Jason why he was calling JD Jamie. Jason said that's what they called him for years before Howard changed his name to JD on the air.
Another caller went off on JD about his annoying voice and the way he can't put a sentence together. The guy said he would beat the crap out of him if he ran into him at any point.
Another caller said that how you get laid shouldn't mater. He said that if it's a regular chick or a whore it should all count.
After the clip Jon and Gary talked about why Fred got so upset about Howard arguing with him. Gary said that he figures Fred was just telling the truth and Howard was busting his balls about it.
Gary said that he knew of 5 of them and that other 2 was just something he didn't know about. It wasn't that big of a leap.
The guys talked about some of the other guys on the show and how many chicks they've had. Gary figured that Howard probably had the highest number of all of the guys. Benjy said he wasn't sure and had no idea. Gary asked if there's any chance that Benjy would give a straight answer. Benjy said that he knows that it's got to be over 100. He said that includes blow jobs. Benjy said that it's probably over 80 without the blow jobs included.
Gary asked Benjy how many of them were hookers. Benjy said he only had sex with a hooker once and that was when he was in his character ''Kip.''
Jason said that Benjy is good at talking to chicks and he doesn't put that number past him. Benjy said that he's always been very careful with chicks but Gary and Jason said that's not true. They was him use a cookie wrapper on a stripper one time.
A caller asked what the big deal is about giving out a number the way they are. He said that they were acting like it was some big secret. Gary was the one who said that it was his number to keep. Gary said that he, Howard and Robin haven't given their numbers yet. Jon said that all of the other guys have given it out. Jon said his number was 2. He said that he has other things done to him and it would be up around Benjy's number for blow jobs and stuff. Gary said that's impossible. He said that he had to have been with other women sexually. Jason said he didn't believe that Jon had that many either. Jon said that he wouldn't be at Benjy's number but not quite 100. He said it might be up around 50.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jason about his penis and using the Magnums that he talked about earlier. Jason said that's the one positive thing about his body that he has going on. The caller said that's a waste. Jason said he knows. Jon had to go to break right after that.
Benjy said that he's one of those guys who is extra nice to everyone there and you get kind of suspicious of that.
Jon played a clip where Howard and Steve were talking about the size of his penis. After that Jon asked why Richard has the desire to find out the size of everyone's penis. Gary said that Richard asks before he goes in to ask that stuff and he always tells him to go right in. Benjy asked if Jon would be curious at all. Jon said ''no.''
Richard came in a short time later and said that one of these days a big celebrity will let him do it. He said that people really want to know that stuff and he'd love to know how big someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger's penis would be. Richard said that he's measured up with his buddy in the room at the same time. He said that he and his buddy were about the same size, around 7 inches, when they were hard. He said they were both hard at the same time but didn't explain that in detail.
Richard said he'd like Steve Langford to reveal the size of his penis since he's always asking about his apartment and things like that. The guys spent a minute talking about Steve and how he doesn't seem to want to be called a member of the show.
Sal came in and said that if he had a big penis, he'd want to show it off to everyone. Gary said that Sal doesn't have a governor so that's why he'd want to do that. Richard said that he can see why Steve wouldn't want to show it, he's got a movie career to think about.
Sal talked about going to Italy and sticking a rock in his speedo to make it look like he had a big, hard, penis. He said that he doesn't do that here because people over there didn't understand what he was talking about.
Richard said that guy Jonah, who does that public access show they call into, has a 14 inch penis and he could be making tons of money doing porn but he's doing a public access show instead.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how many times Richard has taken it in the ass. Richard said he's never done that, just a finger for his prostate exam. The caller asked if he could stop by and take a tour of the studio tomorrow morning. Gary said that they can't do that.
The caller said that he only has about 4.5 or 5 inches when he's hard. Sal said that he's like 5 5/8ths when he's got a semi. Sal asked Jon how big he is. Jon figured it was about 7 inches. Gary said that he usually avoids that topic so it was surprising to hear that.
Shuli came in and said that Steve Langford didn't want to come in to talk about his penis. He was busy working on a story back there in the news office.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard seems to be very obsessed with finding out penis size. He said it's not even Richard who seems to be obsessed so much. Gary said that Howard just asks them how big they are, he doesn't ask to see it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she got a ruler when she heard about the 10 inches thing. She'd forgotten how big that really was. She also asked about Will's black eye and what was going on with that. Will ended up telling a story about Sal that wasn't true since Sal had said that he was a racist earlier in the show. Sal said that he was saying that Will was a racist but in a kind way. Kind of like how Lisa Lampanelli is kind of fun when she's being racist. Sal said that telling racist jokes shouldn't be such a big deal.
Gary said that the worst thing he heard today was Sal talking about going up to Chris Rock and using the N-word. Gary thinks that Chris would still remember that incident because it was so offensive. Sal said that he had gotten into a VIP area with some fake passes.
Sal said that he remembers the moment that he ran into Chris and even took pictures with him back then. He said that he'll bring the pictures in to show them. Sal was going on and on about how Chris didn't mind him saying that to him that day and it really wasn't a big deal. Gary said that Sal was a stranger to him so it had to be a shock to him.
Sal said that he wouldn't use that word with Oprah Winfrey. He said it all depends on the context of the situation. He said it wasn't in a mean spirited way that he said it. The guys asked Sal if he would say that to Chuck D from Public Enemy. Sal said he'd run from that guy because he's scared of him. He said his videos were scary and he wouldn't want to piss that guy off in any way. He said that they always looked very angry in their videos.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up all of the racist stuff that Sal says when he's on the air and how wrong he is about that stuff. Sal said some more stuff about ''All in the Family'' and how that was politically correct back then. Gary told him it wasn't, that was the joke.
Richard told a story about an episode that Sal showed him one time that he found so funny. Sal said it was the way the black guys were walking like chickens in the show that made him laugh so much. They spent another couple of minutes on that and then had to end the show.
Howard started off the show saying that Artie wasn't there. He said that Gary got a call from Artie and there is some kind of situation going on. Gary came in and said that he got a call on his way in this morning and Artie told him that he got up and it was dark and he walked into a book case or a cabinet and hit his eye and there was blood everywhere. He was on his way to the hospital. Gary said that Artie told him that he'd be late if the hospital wasn't too busy.
Gary was doing a pretty good impression of Artie when he was telling everyone about what he heard. He said that Artie sleeps in strange ways apparently. Robin said that of course it's dark when he wakes up, it's dark every morning when he gets up.
Gary said that he was really unprepared for the call this morning so he's not sure what the details are. Robin asked if they think he's really at the hospital. Howard said that he always believes Artie and he thinks he is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think Artie will make it in this morning. Gary said that they'll have to get him stitched up before they let him go so there's no telling how long that will take.
Another caller said that they should send Howard 100 News over to the hospital to find out if he's really there. Howard thought that was a good idea. Gary said that Artie would have a look of joy on his face if Steve Langford actually showed up there at the hospital.
Death called in and said he was calling in for Artie but he was actually going to wait until August to actually take him out. Howard asked if Kenneth Keith Kallenbach gave him the number to call them. Death said that he did and Kenneth was there trying go pick up little girls up there. That led to the guys talking about Ken for a short time.
Howard went on to read the article that Hinckley wrote about the ratings there at SIRIUS that Arbitron put out recently. David was talking about the possible merger and what that could mean for the satellite radio companies. Hinckley pointed out that Howard and Howard 101 are numbers 1 and 3 in the satellite radio ratings. He talked about some of the other channels that were up near the top of the ratings.
Howard read that Opie and Anthony were only getting about 160,000 listeners in a morning and Hinckley said that was probably because they can be heard for free in New York on a terrestrial radio station. Howard didn't seem to think that was the reason they get such low ratings.
Robin and Howard spent a short time talking about McCain and Obama. Robin said that these two guys are going to be very tired after their two years of campaigning. McCain is a 70 year old who will be tired and Obama is going to be a 40 year old tired man. She wondered which one they should have in office.
Howard said he thinks that the Hillary voters would go for Obama in the election if she doesn't get the nomination. He said that he read an article about how some people were saying that if they didn't have Hillary, they'd vote for McCain. Robin told him that he can't judge on that because people don't always vote the way they claim they will. Howard said they'll see if he's right.
Howard said that if he's right, Robin has to show him her titties. Robin said that she would actually take that bet because she doesn't believe that McCain will win. Howard said he's voting for McCain then. Robin said that if she wins, she wants to see Howard's penis. Howard said he's not betting then because he doesn't want her seeing his penis. He said she's got great titties and he doesn't have a great penis.
Howard said that Robin must be proud of those titties since she had the surgery done on them years ago. Robin said that she thinks they're okay now but they're still very big. She said that she dims the lights when she makes love. Howard said he does too.
Howard said he's most self conscious about his ass. He said it's gotten better since his 1992 Fartman appearance. He said that he would show Robin his ass if she took that bed. Robin said it has to be his penis.
Howard said he was talking to an interior design guy about lighting his bedroom so the light is off of him and only on Beth. He said they kind of did that on Rock the Cradle with Joe Walsh. They also did that with Jackie for the E! show when he was in contract negotiations.
Howard said that Beth is very self conscious about her ass and he doesn't understand that because it's flawless to him.
Howard said he only watched the first episode of the bowling special and now he can't wait to find out who wins. He said that all of the girls had their tops on for the first episode but it looks like they all start stripping down in the second.
Howard said they'll see if this special works out and maybe bring it back every year. He said that they might have a place for Jim on Howard TV because he was so good at what he was doing. He said that some people might look at him as a hanger-on but he really did a good job.
King of All Blacks called in and talked about Hillary Clinton a little bit. Howard said that he was shocked by black people abandoning the Clinton campaign the way they are. He said that they've done a lot of stuff for the black community. Howard said that Bill Clinton was an honorary black man. King said that's because he showed his true colors.
Howard said that Clinton moved his headquarters to Harlem so you'd think that the black community would see that and stick to his side. That led to Howard talking about how he grew up black in Roosevelt, Long Island. He talked about how he had to speak like the kids in his school and he can't imagine what that would have been like if he had grown up with that way of speaking.
Howard talked about a kid he went to school with, Irvin, who had a full goatee at 14 and would beat him up and choke his ass. He said that the guy would accuse him of telling on him to the principal and stuff like that. That kid was the reason his parents had to get him out of that community.
King said that his parents raised him in a white area. Howard said that King wouldn't have survived in the area he grew up in. Howard said that the exit for Roosevelt is on the Southern State Parkway and there are some people who pretend that they don't even see that exit when they drive past it.
King was saying that he lost his puppy in the Fort Lee area of New Jersey. He said that the dog is only 8 months old and it ran away when he let it out. He said he's trying to find him.
Howard said that they have this guy Antonio Pierce from the NY Giants there acting as their intern today. He wants to get into broadcasting so he's acting as their intern today. Howard spent a minute talking to Antonio who was saying that he's planning for the future. He said that some of the guys he plays with don't have jobs and they go home to their parents after they're done playing. Antonio said that those people spend a ridiculous amount of money on jewelry too.
King was getting upset with Howard for talking about the jewelry that the black people like to wear. King said that's what they like so that's what they buy. He thought that Howard was talking down on them for doing that.
Antonio came into the studio and talked to King a little bit. King was asking him about what he drives and found out he's got a 750Li BMW and a Range Rover. King was asking about the kind of faucets he has in his house and stuff like that.
King was going on and on about something that no one understood so Howard was about to hang up on him. King told him to hold on and told him some more stories about the people they had landscaping their house years ago when he was growing up. Howard eventually hung up on him because his phone was cutting out.
Howard got to Antonio again and asked him about the internship that he was doing just for today. Antonio said that he wanted to do some stuff like that to prepare for what he can do after football. He said that he'd like to do some other work and he's not afraid of doing some other hard work.
Howard heard that Antonio was invited to the White House but ended up passing on it to hang out with his kids. Antonio said that he went to the Baltimore Aquarium with his kids instead. He said that the team was invited to the White House but they didn't all go. Everyone made their individual decisions on that stuff. Antonio said he wanted to see the shark tank at the Baltimore Aquarium so that's where he went instead.
Howard read that Jeremy Shockey didn't go either. Howard said that Antonio is a big guy. Antonio said he's 240 pounds. Howard told him he's smart to think ahead for what he wants to do after football. Howard told him about his friend Marco who played football for a while and then struggled for a while after he got out.
Antonio talked about getting married soon and about the kids he has with another woman. He said he's got 3 kids with that woman but things didn't work out with her.
Antonio said he grew up in Compton so Howard spent a minute talking to him about that. Howard said that this baby momma got pregnant by the right guy because he's an earner. Antonio said that he's going to have more kids with his girl when he marries her. He said she works for a sports show and she's on camera.
Howard asked Antonio about his family life and found out his mother and grandmother raised him. Howard figured that a lot of guys were raised like that. Antonio said that there were a lot of people like that in his neighborhood. Antonio said that his father is okay with him now because he doesn't hold any grudges against him.
The guys were trying to guess when Antonio got laid for the firs time and someone guessed 9 years old. Howard said that was a little early. Antonio never got a chance to answer. Howard asked him where his Super Bowl ring was. Antonio said that he's not supposed to get it until May 29th.
Howard said that he's been a Giants fan for a long time now. He asked Antonio about the deal he has to play for the Giants and saw that he has a $29 million deal. Gary asked him who he endorses. Antonio mentioned Nike and some other company.
Howard spent some more time talking to Antonio about the team and when his marriage is coming up. Antonio said that he's getting married on May 24th so that's coming up soon. He's just 29 years old so Howard told him he's a little young to be getting married. Antonio said that it's time to slow down and settle.
Howard asked Antonio when he first got laid. Antonio said he was a teenager but wasn't saying exactly when it was. He said that the first woman he had took advantage of him. He just kept saying that it was in his teenage years and wouldn't give them an exact age. He said he had his first kid when he was 19. Howard asked him if he went in bareback. He said he didn't know any better when he was a kid so he did. He said he loves his kids though so he'd never go back and change things.
Howard said he got a picture of Antonio's wife and she was very attractive. He said she looks tall too. Antonio said that she's 5'7'' or so and she's full and curvy.
Howard said he's not sure what they can do with Antonio there today. Gary said they might be able to have him answer the phones or something. Howard said that might be a good idea and they could let him talk to some fans. Howard wasn't sure what else they could teach him as an intern today. He told Antonio that he was doing the right thing by doing this internship thing though.
Howard wrapped up with Antonio and said he hopes that he's able to learn something. He told him that if he has any questions to just come to him and ask him. He said that he should have been there yesterday because they had their weekly meeting where everyone joined in and gave their ideas for the show. Antonio said he didn't have anything to do with the scheduling so he didn't know.
Sal asked if Antonio could get him a cup of coffee. He was in Gary's office when he said that so he was a safe distance from him. Howard said that there might be a lot of people asking him to get him a cup of coffee today.
Howard let Antonio go and Robin said that she thought that Gary was under house arrest when she saw him sitting in his office earlier. Howard said that it did look like the guy was going to beat Gary's ass.
Howard said that there aren't a lot of guys who just won the Super Bowl who would go out and do an internship like Antonio is doing. Howard asked Antonio who on the Giants is gay. He wanted him to out some people. Antonio came back in and said that he heard about Shockey getting in trouble for commenting on that kind of thing so he wasn't going to say anything about that. He said there are none on the team as far as he knows. He said that he hopes there are none in the NFL but he figures there are. He said he doesn't want to know what anyone is up to.
Howard asked Antonio who has the biggest penis on the team. Antonio said that it might be him. He said he's got about 10 inches but he's never measured it. Howard asked him what he does when he sees a tiny guy walking around. Antonio said that he has seen that and you know that something is wrong. Howard said that he even notices something like that.
Howard asked if they goof on people who are small like that. Antonio said that they don't do that kind of thing. Howard asked him if he shaves his bush. Antonio said he does keep it trimmed. He doesn't shave it all down though.
Howard asked Antonio some more questions about his team mates but Antonio wasn't saying anything bad about anyone. Howard told him that he's smart to do this thinking ahead for his future. He let him go again after that.
Howard said that it's too bad that hey don't have a team sport to play against another channel there. They'd show up with Antonio Pierce on the team and blow the other team away. Howard said they should get Derek Jeter to intern for them when they have their softball game coming up.
Howard had Jason throw the football to Gary and had Antonio pick him apart. Antonio said that he was doing everything wrong. He thought that Jason was kidding around with the way he was throwing. Jason tossed the ball a couple of times and gave him some advice. Jason threw it a little better after a couple of tries.
Sal was up next but it sounded like he wasn't ready for it. He tossed the ball and Robin started laughing her ass off. Howard had Sal throw it again and Antonio told him that he had to get the motion down before throwing the ball. He had him rotating his shoulder and loosening up a little bit. Sal said he was all tight from being married.
Howard told Antonio about Sal's marriage and how his wife has an emotional friend and how she texts another man ''143'' (I Love You) to the guy.
Antonio gave Sal some more advice but he was still throwing like a girl. Sal said he was afraid to break his fingers. Antonio told Sal that the ball was his friend but Sal asked why he was trying to get away from it if it was his friend. Howard had Sal throw it some more but then told him to get out of there. He told him ''1 4 3 Sal...''
Gary said that Sal is afraid of throwing the ball so much that he usually hides when he goes to his kid's baseball games. He had to throw a foul ball the other day and freaked out when the ball started to roll toward him at a game the other day.
Howard asked Antonio how he got into football when he was growing up in Compton. Antonio came back in and asked Howard how big he was in the pants since he had asked him about that earlier. Howard said that he's ''almost 6 inches.'' He said they had Houston the porn star measure them and that's what they came up with. Howard said that he's about an inch when he's flaccid. He said that it grows about 5 inches so that's pretty impressive. Robin said that he faints when it grows.
Antonio said that he was always picked to play sports when he was in school. He went out and played in Pop Warner teams and stuff like that. His mother supported him and that's what he ended up doing for a living. He said that this internship is really only his second job. Howard let Antonio go again and told him to ask him if he had any questions at all.
Howard said that Artie picked the wrong day to miss today. He's a Giants fan so he's missing out on all the fun. Gary said that Artie is going to be coming in from what he heard from the Howard 100 News team. He said they're saying that he's ''planning'' on coming in.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Antonio is thinking Jeremy Shockey being traded. Howard said he doesn't know enough about football to comment on that himself. Gary gave an explanation of what was going on there.
Howard told Tim Sabean to give Antonio a tour of the place. Tim said he was on it. Howard said that maybe Antonio wants to be a program director or something. Howard ended up goofing on Gary doing an impression of him and then playing some Baba Booey song parodies. He had to go to break after that.
Fred said that he was sorry for calling him names yesterday after hearing that apology. Howard said he was looking at Eric on his cam and it looked like his moustache was growing in thicker on one side than the other. Robin said that it was looking a little bit like snot on his face.
Howard said that Eric has the reverse Hitler moustache. Howard picked Eric apart about that for a short time. He said that he can't imagine growing a moustache like that and keeping it. He said that it's really not a good one. He said that it's almost like it's been improperly shaved. He told him that his moustache is balding.
Eric thanked his chat room (JFSC.tv) guys for putting a Hitler moustache on his face. Howard asked Eric if it was true that he had his eyebrows waxed and that's why he wears his hat so low. Eric said that's not true. Howard said there was something going on there.
Howard asked Eric what he did there with his eyebrows. Eric moved his hat and Howard said that it did look like he did something there. Eric said he didn't wax them. Eric said that he did shave them a little bit too much. Howard checked them out and said that he just about shaved off his eyebrows. Eric said that he did that because they were goofing on him so much. Eric said he didn't do that on purpose.
Howard had Eric give out the web site for JFSC.tv so everyone could log on and check him out. Howard said ''Holy shit Eric! What the fuck did you do?'' Eric said he wouldn't have done it if they didn't get on him about it. Eric was blaming them for his messed up eyebrows.
Howard said that Eric really took off a lot of those eyebrows. He asked him how he did that. Eric said he did it with an electric razor. Howard said it was like he buzz sawed them off. Howard said that Eric is the best. He said he likes that he's worried about his appearance.
Howard asked Lisa what she thought about Eric and if he should be with or without eyebrows. She said she prefers him with eyebrows. Howard asked Eric if he trims his bush. Eric said he doesn't touch that. Howard wanted to see that but Eric said that he can't do nudity on Stickam. Robin asked why he would shave his eyebrows off but not want to do the mohawk thing for the Taxi Driver remake.
Ralph called in and asked to see a picture of Eric because he wasn't able to log in. Eric said that you don't have to have a password to see him on JFSC.tv. Howard said that Eric had his hat back on at this point so he wouldn't be able to see anything. Ralph asked him how he shaved too much off. Eric said that he started shaving a little bit and then went too far.
Howard said that Ralph doesn't have a high speed connection so that's why he wasn't able to get on the web site. Ralph said that he will get on somehow. He got off the phone after that.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in. Eric got in a plug for his show that he's doing tonight and on Friday night. He gave a rundown of a bunch of other shows he'll be doing over the next few days too. Fred said that he's doing all of that and still has time to shave his eyebrows. Howard said that Eric watched these TV shows and comments on the shows while he's on the web cam.
Robin asked why they don't play clips of his shows anymore. Howard asked JD if he's still recording them. JD came in and said that he doesn't want to watch that stuff anymore because he sucks. Eric said he's doing a show on Friday mornings now too. He does a 5 hour show of country music. JD said he's got a lot of TV to watch. Howard told him he's got to tape the idol shows at least. JD said that he'll do that but he didn't sound too thrilled about that. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard said he wanted to give Artie some ''Wahhh... I walked into some furniture'' comments. Fred said that he thinks that maybe Artie fell on the floor after drinking or something. He said that he can't imagine this is the first time he's bashed himself after getting up in the dark.
A caller asked Lisa what sexual position would be the best for her. He also asked her where she got her last name and she shot back with some insults of her own. Howard said that Antonio is screening the phone calls back there so Lisa can blame him for that.
Lisa said that she spoke to Judith Regan about Howard's penis and she thinks that it's not as small as he says it is. Howard said that she used to poke his penis with a pencil and he liked it. He said he wasn't poking her with anything though.
Lisa had a story about Sal possibly skipping out on a bill at a restaurant recently. She said they'll have more on that later today. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard kept asking Eric to take his hat off but he apparently wasn't going to honor Howard's request. Howard went on to talk about Dancing with the Stars and how he and Beth are done with that show for this season. He said that they tuned out on Monday and that was it. He said that they're probably done with American Idol after this season too.
Howard said that he and Beth were talking about how the people on Dancing with the Stars aren't even really stars. Fred was playing Queen's ''Keep Yourself Alive'' so Howard was singing along with that and talking about how great that song was.
Sal called Gary as a guy from a cable company who was giving him a new channel called The Smoking Channel and offered him some more cigarettes. Gary took the offer so the guys goofed on him some more. They did this over and over for a few days.
Howard had some other things to play since he had a few minutes to kill. He went through the list of stuff he had and ended up playing a voice mail they got from Hate Man. In the voice mail Hate Man goes off on him about going to a play with Beth. Hate Man pointed out that Howard is goofing on Bruce Willis for hanging out with his ex and her new boyfriend while he hangs out with Beth and her ex. Hate Man goofed on Howard's ''turkey neck'' and his old looks too. He repeated that a bunch of times calling him a ''turkey neck Jew'' over and over.
Howard said that he didn't have dinner with Beth's ex. He said he just went to the play the guy was in. Howard played another clip of Hate Man going off on Robin this time. Hate Man was saying that he was looking at his taint with a mirror and seeing the tattoo of Robin he has down there. Howard wondered if this guy has ever had a woman. Robin said that can't be possible.
Howard said he thinks that Hate Man might be thinking that Robin will give into him if he keeps bashing her like that.
Howard said that Crazy Alice called in about the dancing they did on Howard TV. She was saying that Artie was the best dancer out of the group, not JD like Robin said. Alice went off on Robin in the voice mail for saying that JD was a good dancer. Alice said that Artie and Ronnie were the best and so was Lisa G. Howard said that Alice also said that the show has jumped the shark because they do so much gay stuff.
Howard played the audio of Antonio taking a call from Wood Yi. Wood Yi asked him when he was going to stop shitting and then asked him to spit on his cock and things like that. Antonio handled it just fine and didn't freak out.
Howard said that Antonio figured out that it was Sal and Richard and he went back to their office and scared the crap out of them.
Howard played the next call which was Richard calling and making his voice cut out over and over. Then they called him with some Joe Frazier audio clips and had him mumbling and rambling on and on unintelligibly. Antonio tried to understand what he was saying and thought he had figured out what he was saying.
The guys called Antonio with some George Takei audio clips and had him asking Antonio about some gay stuff and going on and on about political stuff. Howard said that these guys were busting his balls pretty good. Antonio said he figured out that they were goofing on him when only his phone kept ringing.
Antonio said that this was kind of like rookie hazing that he had to go through on the Giants. He said that he had a lot of stuff going on back then and they would soak his bed with water and things like that. He said that he wasn't even playing back then and he still had to go through all of this stuff.
Antonio talked about some of the other stuff they would do to people who were on the team. They used to cut up clothes and stuff when people wouldn't comply with their wishes. He said that you have to do that stuff to get in with the group. He said that he has to haze the rookies himself now.
Howard said that Sal and Richard basically hazed Antonio this morning. The two of them came in and said that they were up for a towel snapping if Antonio wanted to whip them. Antonio said the towel was wet and thought that was kind of crazy.
Sal and Richard pulled their pants down and Antonio said that it was time to snap them. Richard asked how many snaps he was going to get. Howard said 3 a piece. He had Antonio go ahead with it and he got Richard first. Richard said that really hurt. He said that Antonio is really good at that. Then he got him one more time and Richard let out a really guttural yell. Richard said he got him right near the balls.
Sal was up next for the towel snapping. Sal got whacked and said that it really hurt, like a rubber band. He told the guy to take it easy on him. Then Antonio whacked him again and Sal fell on his knee. Richard said that was Sal's idea to get whipped like that.
Howard asked Antonio if they do this kind of stuff in the locker room. Antonio said they don't do the towel snapping thing but there are things that they do to haze each other. Richard asked Antonio if he needed any coffee or anything. Antonio said he didn't need anything. Howard said that they had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he heard that Antonio studies for his games like crazy. Antonio said that he goes to work prepared, just like Howard does. That led to more discussions about how Antonio got on the team and stuff like that.
Howard talked to Antonio about how secure his job is. Antonio said that his contract isn't guaranteed and he could be kicked off the team at any moment. That's why he's preparing for his future now.
Howard said that getting into the NFL is really tough and you have to stay healthy or else you could be done. He said that he could get popped in a game and his whole career could be over. Howard said that it can be scary thinking about getting hit the wrong way and having your career end.
Antonio said that some guys take out insurance policies before they start playing just to make sure they're not totally screwed if they do get hurt. Antonio said it's all about longevity and you have to pace yourself. He said that there are some who have been playing for 15 years and that's pretty remarkable. He said that the average is 3 years and you need 4 to be vested and get the benefits from the NFL.
Howard asked Antonio if he learned anything today. He said he had. Howard told him that maybe he could go direct the TV show for a while. Howard said that their director isn't all that. Scott DePace got on the mic and said that he is a good director. Howard sent Antonio off to the TV room and said that they should have every football player intern for them.
Ralph called in and said that football players can't be that dumb if they have to remember all of the plays and stuff that they have to memorize. Gary came in and said that Antonio was telling him about the differences between college football and pro football. He said that he barely knew what the guy was talking about while he was going over some of the stuff.
Gary told Howard about some of the stuff that he did understand and how confusing it was to him. Howard said that he had to hang up on Ralph since everyone hates him so much. He played him off with the ''Berry Faced Fag'' song about him.
Irish John called in and said he wanted to ask Antonio a question. Howard said that Antonio was busy in the back directing the show. Howard was able to speak to him over the microphone in there though. Antonio talked about Michael Vick and some problems he's had with his own dogs.
Howard liked the way Antonio was working but Scott DePace wasn't letting him do his thing. He said that Scott was telling him everything to do because he figured he didn't know how to do it himself. Howard told him to give him an opportunity to give it a try.
Howard asked Antonio if he thought that he could handle it himself. Antonio said there was a lot of stuff to handle there but he might be able to do it. Ralph called in again and asked why black guys like Pit Bulls so much. Antonio said that it's not just black guys, he said he knows of some Hispanic guys who like Pit Bulls too.
Howard said that he's heard that pit bulls will lock up on you and not let go. Antonio said that's the same with any dog, not just pit bulls. Howard had the guys turn off his camera so he didn't have to watch them directing the show.
In the clip Sal is having Eric sing as if he were one of the midgets in the Lollipop Guild. He had him singing the songs from the movie. Eric was having some trouble keeping up with Sal's singing so Sal had him repeating after him. Then Sal got all creepy and pretended that he was beating off to Eric's voice. He was asking him to strip down and wear tights for him. Eric said that it sounded like he was enjoying himself too much. Howard said that was some audition.
Howard said that Antonio was directing the show fully now and Scott wasn't helping him out. Doug Goodstein said that he was going to send Scott home. He said that Antonio was doing a great job but he had a heart effect around Howard's head.
Gary said that he had just gotten off the phone with Artie and he'd be in soon. He said it should be about 20 minutes and it was worth coming in to show off the cut and tell the story. He figured that Artie was rushing in to see Antonio since he probably heard about that. Howard said that he had a few more things to jam in over the next hour.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to box Antonio but Antonio said that was out of his league. Howard said that he thinks that Antonio could beat his ass and he hasn't even seen this guy. Antonio was saying he didn't want to get into that kind of stuff. Howard was throwing out some offers for the guy but Antonio didn't want anything to do with that.
Antonio told Howard that the job of directing was pretty hard. He said that he had to keep an eye on Howard and Robin. Fred said that he was doing a good job from what he could see. He said that his takes were very crisp and quick. He said that when Scott directs he seems to miss stuff. Doug told Scott to go home after Scott said that Antonio was missing a bunch of stuff.
A caller said that Antonio is great and they should have him on as a regular. Robin said that maybe they could have him do some football reports or something. Gary told Howard that he had just gotten a great shot of Robin's boobs. Fred said that they should have a tit cam on Howard TV and they should show Robin's boobs in ever episode. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Benjy found a story about the Uma Thurman stalker guy and he was a fan of his show. He read a story where they quoted a letter the guy wrote where he mentioned Howard's name. Howard said that the guy was apparently claiming that the guy had Uma in his head even though he had never met her. He said the guy seems to be a crazy fuck and he's only getting 6 months in jail.
Howard said he feels bad or Uma because she's got to be scared by something like that. Benjy said that he was apparently e-mailing her dad for a couple of years. He read some of that e-mail where the guy talks about Uma's hands being beautiful. Benjy said that's actually a good idea because not too many guys would talk about a woman's hands being beautiful. Howard said that this guy sounds like a future Wack Packer.
Howard said that was great how Barbara was talking about Star Jones self destruction. He said that some people are so dumb.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to know what Antonio got on that Wonderlic test that Sal took. Howard asked Antonio if he had to take that test. Antonio came in and said that he never got his score from that test. He said he wanted to know but he never got the information. He said they ask you the dumbest questions on that test. He said that the questions have nothing to do with football at all.
Howard said he thought that they wanted to find out if the guys are good at remembering plays and stuff with that test. Antonio said it had nothing to do with that stuff. Howard said that Antonio must be bright because he was able to catch on to that directing of the show pretty quick.
Howard got back to the Barbara Walters stuff. Barbara talked about Rosie O'Donnell starting on The View and how things fell apart with her too. She also talked about the Donald Trump feud with Rosie. Barbara tried to straighten things out with Donald but then he went out and said some stuff about her that just wasn't true.
Robin said she wanted to hear more about Barbara and senator Ed Brook. Howard said he wasn't sure if he had any of that. He found a clip where Barbara was talking about him and explaining what that was all about.
Steve said that he has more on the death of Kenneth Keith Kallenbach and the group that runs the prison where he was in custody at the time. Steve said that Jimmy Kimmel named Artie Lange on his list of his favorite comedians. Steve had some trouble with one of the comedian's names. That was Zach Galifianakis.
Steve had a story about Lisa Lampanelli who is looking to get back into dating black guys. He wrapped up a short time after that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today. Howard interrupted and asked if he heard right that Jon had up to 80 different blow jobs in his life. Jon said that he was just saying that the number would approach that number. Howard said that Jon has to be full of it. Jon said that he didn't say it was 80 but he had a decent amount. Jon said that the number might be around 60 or so.
Howard said that it looked like it was really close to his eye. Artie said that he had a geyser of blood coming out and it wouldn't stop. He said that he went to the mirror and there was blood all over his face and it hurt really bad.
Artie told some stories about going to a hospital one time after he stepped on a nail that was on the ground. He said he had to get a tetanus shot and went to St. Vincent's. He said that they helped him out right away that time. Today he went to this place where they just didn't care about the blood gushing out of his head. He said he was the only guy in the place and they still didn't take care of him. He said that his doorman saw him this morning and asked him ''What do you want a cab or something?'' like it was no big deal.
Howard told Artie that Antonio pierce was interning there this morning. Artie said he had no idea he was going to be there. Artie said that no one recognized him there at the hospital. One doctor did but he wasn't attending to him.
Artie said that the nurse asked him what he does for a living and he had to tell her he was self employed as a comedian and he felt really weird about that. He said he got this doctor who helped him and said that he thought the guy was gay. That led to the guys talking to Jon Hein about the many blow jobs he got. Jon said that he got his first one in the summer of 8th grade. Howard asked him if he's that big of a stud. Jon said he's not. He said that he really did have a lot of chicks and it was his idea to get the BJ instead of having sex with the girls. He said that he felt like he needed to be in love to have sex with a woman.
Artie said that he thinks that Jon was feeling that the 2 chicks he had sex with was a little light and now he's trying to make up for that by making these claims. Jon said that he'd lie about the number of chicks he slept with if he wanted to lie. Jon insisted he wasn't lying. He said that he didn't count the actual number but it was approaching that 80 that Benjy mentioned.
Howard said he loves Jon but he finds that very hard to believe. He said that would be an amazing number if it was true. Jon said that he was writing down the initials of the girls he was with and he was already up to 33. He said that he really fooled around a lot when he was a kid and that's how he got the number up there. Jon said that he went to camp and stuff and that's where things like that would happen. Artie said that he should have gone to camp.
Artie was having a cupcake since it was cupcake Wednesday. He went on to say that he had normal blood pressure according to the nurse who took it this morning. Artie said that the doctor he had told him that this cut would just need some butterfly stitches. Howard thought it looked like it needed a plastic surgeon.
Artie said that the nurse that put his stitches on wasn't warning any gloves and she was so heavy that he had to hand her the stuff she was putting on him. Artie said he had to hand her the gloves because she was so fat. Artie said that she pulled up beside him and started putting peroxide on him and some stingy shit. He asked her what her name was but she wouldn't give it to him. He figured that maybe she had been reported before. He said he was just trying to make conversation.
Artie said that the butterfly stitches were on and there was still blood coming out so she said she was going to have to have the doctor put them on. Artie said that she told him to go over to the doctor so he had to go walk around trying to find a doctor. He was walking around in bare feet because he didn't have time to put anything on his feet. He said he asked the doctor to do it and the guy wasn't doing anything at the time, he was just standing around bullshitting with other people.
Howard said that the cut on his face matches the zit on his nose. Artie said that he started getting tons of phone calls in the emergency room because the fans figured out where he was at. He said that the nurse came over to him and told him that his brother was on the phone. Artie said he doesn't have a brother. He told the nurse that it was just a prank call and had to explain to her why it was a prank call.
Artie said that the woman went over to take a message and he heard her say ''Oh that's awful!'' Artie was cracking up when he was telling the story of the woman taking the message that the guy left. He said that she took the message and the guy told her to tell his brother that he was a ''tub of lard.'' Artie said that he told the nurse that he was on the Howard Stern Show and she obviously didn't like the show.
Artie said that the doctor told him he was going to give him some 5mg Vikodins but then he had to tell the guy that he was on an opiate blocker for being a heroin addict. He said that was really embarrassing. The guy wasn't going to give him anything because of that. Artie said that he was telling the guy he'd have to give him some liquid morphine or something if he wanted it to work. So that ended up getting him nothing. The doctor was afraid that he was going to get addicted again.
Artie said that his sister showed up and she was saying that he might need stitches. Howard said that he might want to go to a real doctor and get checked out. Artie said that the effeminate guy said that he was a real doctor.
Artie said that there's so much about him that's embarrassing. He said that he realized that when the prank calls were coming into the emergency room there at the hospital. He said that and the fact that he had to admit he's a heroin addict were really embarrassing.
Howard said he had to get the show over with so he cut Artie off and got back to Jon Hein for a short time. Jon said he was stuck at 34 names for the blow jobs. Howard said that was still impressive. He said that even Fred didn't believe that. Fred said that he grew up at a different time than he did so he'd believe it.
Fred said that people just about have blow job parties these days. Howard asked Steve the Intern how many girls he's gotten BJs from. Steve said that he's had 4. He said that he's never heard Jon lie before but he finds it hard to believe he had that many girls.
Artie said that he's had over 100 women give him BJs but that's including the whores. Howard also pointed out that Jon had gotten married at 22 so he had to have had all of those BJs before he got married. A caller said that he didn't believe that at all and he finds it very hard to believe that he could have had that many chicks in his life.
Jon said that he wasn't claiming 80 and he wasn't getting near 70 or even 60 but he did have 34 names. Jon said that it wasn't just high school, there was camp and other places where he met chicks. Howard said that he doesn't believe that Jon even kissed that many girls. Artie said that he didn't get laid in high school at all.
Antonio asked if he could stick around all week because he was having a great time there. Howard told him to stick around. They spent a few more minutes talking to Antonio since Artie had missed out on most of the stuff that they talked to him about earlier. Artie apologized for not having heard all of the interview they did with Antonio.
Steve The Intern ran down the stuff they were going to cover today on the Intern Show. They're hoping to have Antonio on the show either live or on the phone or something like that. Steve said that the other interns there are already saying that Antonio is getting more attention and learning more on his first day than they've learned the whole semester.
Howard asked Antonio if he wanted to see how great an athlete Artie is. He showed him the video of Artie trying to attack Teddy. Howard pointed out how good he was at breaking all of the tackles. Artie said he couldn't watch that and wondered why he had come to work today.
Antonio said that was very impressive and he could probably be a great football player. He said that he had some good moves there and showed some leadership. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Robin said that they should show Artie's other great sporting moment where he fell while trying to catch the softball. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Robin got to her news after Fred played a song parody for her. Robin started off with a story about a weather woman who just won a case against a co-host she had who was sexually harassing her. Robin had a story about Derek Jeter and some of the famous chicks he's dated.
Irish John called in and asked Antonio if he thought OJ was innocent or guilty. Antonio said that he thinks that OJ knows something. He wasn't sure he was innocent though. Howard told him he really is black, he gave the right answer. Antonio said that he thinks that OJ knows more than people think he does. Artie said that they're pretty sure that OJ knows everything about that murder.
Howard said that Antonio is a fellow football player so that might be why he's sticking up for him. Howard said he'd probably do the same for Artie if he killed someone.
Robin read some more stories including one about breast feeding and how it can effect intelligence. Howard took a call from Kavika Mitchell who was on the Giants last season. He was calling in to say hello to Antonio who was hard to get in touch with. Antonio said that his phone is on and he doesn't return his calls. He said that Kavika just signed a $17 million deal and he's the one who has gotten too big.
Howard asked Kavika if he believes that Antonio has a 10 inch penis. Kavika said that he had never seen it before. Artie said that he would have seen it when he was blowing him. He was goofing on him because he was a Bill now and not a Giant.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Kavika about his time on the Giants and things like that. Kavika said he was trying to get his phone number so he could talk to him about his upcoming wedding and stuff. Antonio told him to stop playing.
Antonio said that he thinks that Kavika should try interning for them at least once. Howard let him go a short time later and had Robin get back to her news. He told Antonio he wanted to see him working back there.
Howard did a live commercial in the middle of the news and goofed on Gary for talking Antonio's ear off through the whole show. Howard also said that he had vowed to get off the air by 10 this morning but he failed at that.
Robin got back to her news and read some news about Britney Spears getting partial custody of her kids back, the presidential primaries, American Idol and the movie Iron Man. Robin had Howard playing some clips from last night's American Idol so Artie was goofing on how bad the performances were. Robin wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary said that he was impressed that Antonio was up that early this morning and found it admirable that he was looking ahead in his life. Gary and Jon talked about some of the other stuff that Antonio talked about on the air and off.
Artie was in the studio and said that there was something about Jon that made him feel like he wanted to blow him. He said that he wanted to make it 81 blow jobs.
Antonio came in and talked about the kind of money they can make playing football. Artie said that he's been making some good scratch for a while but it is smart that he's thinking ahead the way he is. He said that even the best guys have to go out and get jobs after playing football. Jason said that he must get pissed when they don't have a very good union in the NFL because their careers can get cut short so easy.
The guys were talking about the kind of money that's involved in NFL football coverage and things like that. Jason said that they're the most profitable sport out there at this time.
Antonio talked to the guys about the team and how good they were last season. Jon asked Antonio some questions about his season and promised he'd get back to the show questions.
Artie told Antonio about the bet he won on the Super Bowl and how his bookie didn't pay him the full $78,000 that he was owed. He said that this guy used to be a friend of his but now there's bad blood between them.
Jon asked Antonio what the easiest thing on the show was to do. He said it was the directing of the show. He told Scott that he might want to come back for that job so he'd better watch out. He said he's a quick learner and he could probably get into that pretty easily.
Scott DePace came in and told Antonio he was crazy saying that directing the show was easy. Antonio told him that Gary has a tough job because he's got people coming to him all the time. Scott said that he doesn't have it easy either. He also said that he was doing half of his work for him. Artie asked him if it was like playing Guitar Hero and called it ''Director Hero.''
Antonio said that he had some fun with that directing thing. He said that he won't come and steal his job from him though.
Jon asked Antonio what the toughest job was. Antonio said that answering the phones was pretty tough. Antonio said that he knew that he was getting pranked because the same number kept popping up on the caller ID. Sal said he didn't think he was going to catch on that they were the ones calling him.
Gary said that they were going to have Antonio come in and get in Sal's face but he figured they didn't know him well enough yet. Sal said that wouldn't have been a good mix. He said that he and black guys don't mix.
Jon asked Antonio about the towel snapping thing and then played a clip from that part of the show. Sal and Richard talked about that a little bit and explained how they came up with the idea to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked to Antonio about some stuff he's done as a football player. That led to Artie bringing up the Tony Romo thing and how great it is that his last name rhymes with homo. Antonio said that they found that great too and they had all kinds of jokes about that guy.
All of the guys were asking Antonio questions about football and going on and on about that. They were pulling out stories about other players and asking Antonio about them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they have too many people in the studio asking the questions and Jon should take control of it. He said that this is the time for the fans to ask questions, not for the guys to ask. Artie told the guy to ask a question then. The guy asked Antonio what he would do if a guy came up to him and called him the N-word. He was referring to Sal the Stockbroker doing that to Chris Rock. Antonio said he's been called a lot of names but he'd probably kill the guy if he said that to him.
Another caller said that Antonio has become like an adopted child of the Giants and talked about something he had done in a play one time.
Sal asked Antonio about what it's like after a game and there are hot chicks hanging around them. Antonio told a story about how the chicks all show up and they can pick and choose from the chicks who are there. He said it was pretty easy to get them. Gary said that when women show up to meet the players, they're there for one reason and it's probably pretty easy to score with them.
Jon took some more calls and the fans were calling in and asking questions about the Giants. Antonio answered all of the questions. The callers were all liking that he was in and wanted him to come back. Gary said that he's welcome to come back at any time. Gary said that he thinks that he'd probably like to come in when they have some hot chicks in there.
The guys were wondering if the interns were really upset with Gary for spending so much time with Antonio. Gary said that he's up for helping out the other interns there and he doesn't know if they're upset for real or not.
Ralph called in and said that he liked Antonio as a director and as the intern today. Antonio said that he didn't tell the team that he was going to be in there today. He said he heard about the Jeremy Shockey thing and how he got banned from the show after that.
The guys were asking Antonio about the gay subject and if he would have a problem playing with a gay player. Antonio didn't really want to say. He didn't want to get into that Jeremy Shockey territory. Gary said that he did say earlier that he would prefer to have that ''don't ask, don't tell'' rule.
Jon and the guys talked to Antonio about Robin and what he thought of her. Antonio said that it was all good. He said that he did think that Sal and Richard were ''very interesting.'' He said that he saw some of the past segments that they did like the one where they got their balls shocked. Gary said that they have that on a loop running in their studio back there.
Sal was telling Antonio about some of the gay stuff that he and Richard have done to each other but they weren't making Antonio like them any more. Jon had to go to break after that.
Artie said that he can't get pain killers anymore like a normal person. He said that he found out that and the fact that he finds every effeminate guy to be gay. He said that experience this morning really woke him up. He talked about the woman who wasn't using gloves and the prank calls that he was getting in the emergency room. He thought that the woman was kind of rude to repeat the message about him being a tub of lard.
Artie didn't get the plastic surgery thing either. He said that he's not Joan Rivers and he doesn't think he needs to have that done to fix his cut. Gary said that he should do it so he doesn't have a scar there. Artie said that he might do that and go to Bloomies and then to a Mets game. He thinks that going to a plastic surgeon is gay!
Jon said that the cut is very close to his eye and he really is lucky that he didn't lose that eye. Artie said that he really doesn't feel like going to a plastic surgeon. He said that he is wondering where a celebrity goes when they get injured. He can't imagine him going to an emergency room. Jon said that you must go to an emergency room but no one was sure where Howard would go.
Benjy said that he found it funny that Howard thought that they should know who Artie was and should have rushed him in to get fixed. Artie said that you'd think that they would do it based on the blood rushing out of his head.
Artie talked about how strange it can be as a member of the Howard Stern Show. He said that people treat him in all different ways. He said that some people treat him really well and then there are the people who hate him.
Artie said that he was on a flight one time and they had Dirty Work playing as the movie. He said that he heard them announce the movie and the guy next to him, who didn't know who he was, leaned back and goes ''UGH!'' as if that was ruining his flight. Artie said he tried to block the guy from seeing who he was but the guy was watching the movie and just making comments about it like it was just horrible.
Artie said that's the kind of treatment he got in the hospital this morning. He said that he had to explain where he worked and what he does for a living. Artie talked about how he had a guy recognize him when he was arrested one time. That guy got the guards to get him his own cell to keep him out of the rest of the prison population.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows how hard it must have been for Artie to tell the doctor about the opiates thing. Artie said that he does a joke about that in his act.
Syrus called in and asked Artie if he thought about not coming to work this morning. Artie said that he actually enjoys being at work and he wanted to tell the story today because he had a great story to tell. He said that he loves being able to come in and tell those stories. He said he likes laughing at work and that's what he gets to do with this job.
Another caller said that he had to know who is the other scum bag that borrowed money from him there. Artie said that he heard them talking about that and he was just red with anger that day that he mentioned that. He said he was out of line and he agreed to keep that name anonymous. He said that people find shit out and he's not sure how but he's never going to say who it is unless the other person wanted to reveal it. The caller asked if it was Sal, Richard or Ralph. Artie said that it wasn't them but he didn't want to keep going with the names. Artie said that he will never say who it is unless they want to say it.
Gary said that some people think that Artie has been avoiding the Wrap Up Show so he asked him to explain that. Artie said that he's been really tired lately and he's asked his driver to pick him up at 11 so he just goes when the show is over.
Benjy asked how much money this person borrowed from him. Gary said that he already said that it was $7,500. Artie said he didn't want to say any more after that. He said he made a bunch of mistakes that day and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
A woman called in and said that she's glad that Artie's eye is okay. She said that they could have given him some Toridol as a pain killer because it's not addictive. She also asked if she could win some ribs today. Gary and Jon said that they didn't have any to give away. Artie told her to show up tomorrow and he'd give her the money for the ribs. She lives in Chicago so that won't happen. Artie told her to come out and see him in Chicago when he's out there.
Benjy was talking about how it was his claim that he had about 80 women who he had been with having intercourse that led to the Jon Hein thing. Jon talked about how he started in 8th grade with the blow jobs and kept going until he got married at 22.
Gary said that the weird thing for him is that the number of sex is usually higher than the number of blow jobs. Jon said that he thinks the opposite and he never wanted to have sex with women unless he was in love with them.
Jon said that he's up to 34 names of girls that he remembered. He said that all of them were willing girls who had done it to him. Benjy was saying that he went to college and it was much different for him. Benjy said that Artie never went to ''sleep away college'' so he wouldn't know.
Artie said that he had sex with maybe 50-60 women in his life. He said that includes the hookers. Artie said that those numbers got bigger when he was on TV and chicks were willing to do him just because of that.
Jon talked about going to camp and getting laid and stuff like that. He said that it was different when you go away and aren't the same person that you are in school. Jon said that he thinks he was off when he said he might be approaching 80 though. He said he is still stuck at 34 and can't think of any other names.
Artie said that when he was a longshoreman he would spend 3 days straight there making sure the shipment was okay and there would be these girls who would wait around to get laid. He said that the guys from the ships would go out and get whores and bring them back to the ship and it became a big, cocaine filled, party ship.
Artie said that he figures he's had about 50 regular chicks, not including whores, that he's had sex or gotten blow jobs from. Benjy said that if he really thought about it he could probably come up with more than that.
Artie said that if he can get a cell number from a chick, it's the best way to get laid. He said that you can get away from the bullshit and just talk to them personally without all of the other stuff. He said that he's had a career in TV and that's like having a winning lottery ticket in life. He said that someone like Jared could probably get 10,000 women if he had a career in TV.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he went to camp and college and he finds that number hard to believe with Jon's blow jobs. He said that he wasn't seeing any of that stuff going on. He said that Jon having intercourse with just 2 women and then saying he had 34 women blow him in his life, it's not believable. Gary said that Jon is one of the most trustworthy guys there and it's hard not to believe him.
Benjy asked if the numbers have gotten home to his wife. Jon said that there was no surprise there for his wife. He said his daughters won't be involved in that conversation though.
Jon tried to take one more call but the guy hung up. Jon had the guys get in their plugs and ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about Artie missing most of the show yesterday. He explained how he had slipped and crashed into his dresser and cut open his eye. Today he had a black eye. Howard asked him if he went to a doctor yesterday after the show. Artie said he didn't. Robin told him that it's too late now because it's already started to heal. She said that they need to get to it quickly if they want to stitch it up.
Artie said that he thought it was going to be way bigger and swollen than it is. He said he's had shiners before and that's what has happened. He told a story about going out on this boat one time to collect crabs at night. He said that they were told they weren't being fair by doing that but they did it anyway.
Artie said that this friend of his had a crab bite his finger and he swung his arm back hitting his face. Artie said that he had a big shiner that time. He said that he looked like a wife that wouldn't listen back then.
Artie said that he's had a bunch of shots and stuff so far and he seems to be doing okay. He said he'll be working tonight in Morristown doing a show. He said that the show is sold out and he won't be trying to cover up the cut or anything. He said they're going to all see him in his raw beauty tonight.
Howard said that Artie does look like he's falling apart. Artie thanked Howard for that and said that it fits the character he does on stage. He said he thinks that the show is sold out up there but the fans can check if they want. He also said that he just added a show in Westbury on Sunday, May 18th as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to give Artie a ''Wah'' and ask him if he cut his face on a tin can trying to lick the bottom of a Ravioli can. Howard and Artie told him that his joke was too wordy and let him go.
Another caller said that Artie might be in a fight club with Will. Another guy said that Antonio Pierce was great yesterday but everything with Richard is about dick and trying to see guys cocks. Howard said that Sal and Richard getting their asses snapped with a towel was very funny. Robin said that the guy has a point because Richard does always come in asking to see guy's penises.
The caller asked Artie when he's going to be at Foxwoods. Artie said he didn't know and told the guy to just call the place. The guy said he did, and it's supposed to be in August, but they didn't have a clue. Howard thought that he was taking the summer off. Artie said he booked some stuff after the summer at the end of August.
Artie did his impression of the host of that show who sounds like a rip off of Robin Leach. Howard and Artie joked around about taking the guy and beating the shit out of him. Artie was talking about some of the stuff they'd bring up on the show. They were making up some wild stuff and goofing on the guy and the show.
Artie mentioned P. Diddy's house at one point. Howard said that he did go to P. Diddy's house one year out there. He said that he wasn't allowing people to use his bathroom so he and Beth actually pulled over and peed on someone's lawn out there.
JD came in with a clip from that show where they talked about Howard. Howard played the clip where the annoying guy was talking about the kind of money he was making at SIRIUS and how much he was spending out there in the Hamptons. The guy mentioned the Mercedes that Howard purchased for Robin. Artie had the impression down pretty good.
In the clip they claimed that Howard spent $700,000 in 2006 out there in the Hamptons. They said he only had to work a few hours to make that kind of money though. The guys continued to goof on the guy with the goofy voice for a few minutes. They were making up more and more nonsense that they could talk about in that show. Howard was throwing in some stuff about using baby wipes to clean his enormous ass hole and stuff.
Howard said that Beth was out last night and he got kind of pissed about that. He said that she was out at some dinner where James Taylor was performing.
Howard played the clip where Chris was goofing on Scott about the way he wears shirts for teams that he's not even fans of. The two of them were arguing about the teams and the jerseys that Ferrall wears and Chris was calling him out on that. They were screaming and arguing over stupid sports shit and Chris ended up getting fired over it. Scott told Chris to get the fuck out of his studio and said that it was his show. Scott told his guy to go to break and then apparently fired the guy during the break.
Artie said that was the greatest moment in sports radio ever. Robin thought it was fun. Gary said that they played a long commercial break and a song and they must have kept that fight going during the break. Howard said he wished they would have recorded whatever went on during the commercial.
Gary thinks that Scott wanted to fire him during the commercial and that's why he rushed them to break. Gary said he figures Scott didn't want to be called a fake fan or anything like that. Artie said that he kind of gets what Chris was saying about some of that stuff but it might be a business for Scott to wear those jerseys that he wears.
Howard said that Scott was just being a commentator for the games and he didn't think that he was being a fair weather friend like Chris was accusing him of. Gary said he thinks that he wasn't being a commentator though and that's what Chris was upset over.
The guys talked about the jersey thing and how Scott is apparently getting paid to wear them. Artie said that he wouldn't do something like that.
Howard said that they weren't really disparaging him but it was kind of embarrassing to hear it. He said that it makes him look like a high roller. He said that it can hurt him because he had a woman come out to do some stuff for them and she wanted to charge them 22 grand to put in some dividers and stuff in their closets.
Artie talked about some of the other big rollers out there in the Hamptons who are spending ridiculous money but not being mentioned on that show. Artie was goofing on the guy's delivery again and making up more nonsense that the guy could spew during the show.
At one point Howard mentioned an Osterizer blender but Artie and Robin had no idea what that was. They thought it was some fancy thing that he had that they didn't know about. Howard was making up more stories that the creepy guy from VH-1 could bring up on those shows he does. Artie and Howard had some fun with that stuff for a short time.
JD came in and said that he thinks that Eric was calling in to ask if they heard his show last night. JD said he missed it. He said his sleep schedule got messed up and he wasn't able to get it recorded. JD said he was sorry but he fucked up.
Howard told Eric that JD fucked up and disappointed him so they can't listen to his show. Eric said he hopes that he can tune in and catch some of his Country Music show that he does on Friday morning. He said that he'll be doing that tomorrow morning (on JFSC.tv). Artie was still doing his impression of the guy from VH-1 and goofing on him a bit.
JD said that he will get his country show tomorrow but Robin said that she doesn't want to hear it. JD said he's going to get it anyway.
Eric said that he was glad to see Jason Castro gone from American Idol. Robin had no idea who he was talking about. Artie said he couldn't get enough of those updates. Eric said that the guy was a no talent and annoying. Artie asked him if that reminded him of anyone.
Artie was stuck in the VH-1 voice and threw out a bunch of jokes about Eric and even himself. Howard thanked Eric for the update. He was about to let him go but Eric had more stuff to say.
Eric said that he knows who ratted him out about his eyebrows. Howard said that Artie missed that yesterday. Howard said that Eric shaved his eyebrows because they were making fun of him. He had him lift up his hat so Artie could see. Artie saw that and asked him what he's doing. That led to them goofing on his moustache and how the middle of that is missing. Howard said that it's a very odd looking moustache because the left side is filled in and on the right there are a couple of spots that are filled but the rest is missing.
Robin said that Eric can't even grow a Hitler moustache if he wanted to. Howard said that it's just a bad moustache. Howard told him that it's the worst friggin' moustache. He said he thinks that he shaved his eyebrows and used the hair to glue on as his moustache.
Howard told Eric to get rid of the moustache because it's not working for him. Then Howard noticed that he had a zit on his forehead and told him to lift up his had. Eric did that and showed that it was just one. Howard told Eric he had to go but Eric wanted to say some more stuff.
Artie would cut Eric off and just say ''BYE Eric!'' Eric said he wished it was Wednesday so Artie's mouth would be full of cupcake.
Eric said he thinks that Johnny Fratto was the one who ratted him out. He said that Johnny actually turned himself into him and admitted that it was him. Artie went into that VH-1 guy voice and goofed on Eric a little more.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in and told him that they'll listen to his show next week. He asked him who he's rooting for on American Idol. Eric said he's pulling for Syisha to win. Howard let Eric go after that.
Jessica said that she asked Barbara if she had any skeletons in her closet back then when she did her interview and Barbara said she didn't. Meanwhile, she did and that all came out on the Oprah show. Jessica was going on and on but Howard wanted to cut her off. Jessica didn't want him to cut her off though because she had more to say about it.
Howard told Jessica that she made her point and he's not sure where else she can go with it. He said that she can't keep repeating herself about Barbara Walters being a mistress. Jessica was upset that Eric took up so much of the show while she can't do the same.
Jessica told Howard to kiss her cunt and go to hell. Howard said it's a radio show and it's not about everyone getting their fair time on the air. Jessica said she just wanted to make a point and she was getting sick of Howard. Howard said she made her point though. Then she started to cry.
Howard said that he's trying to keep his show moving and he can't dwell on the same thing forever. Jessica was crying and getting all pissed off at Howard. Howard said that this was hysterical to him. He asked Jessica some more about the Barbara Walters thing and let her go off on her some more.
Howard told Jessica that she had made some good points but then she called him a shit head. Robin said that Jessica had a point and he wasn't allowing her to get it out. Howard asked her to get it out then. Jessica continued to cry and said that she never gets her time to get her stuff out on the air.
Jessica kept telling Howard to shut up but both Howard and Artie were talking over her. She said that she's still a little insane after losing the love of her life. Robin wanted the guys to let her get her point out. Howard stopped talking for a second and let Jessica speak. She heard Howard laughing behind her so she told them to forget it.
Howard said that every time he tells her that she can talk she complains that he won't let her talk. Jessica went on to finish her story but repeated most of what she had said already. Howard told her that she had already said that twice. Robin tried to help Jessica out but Howard said that he had already heard it.
Howard tried to get Jessica to move it along but Jessica gave up and said that she just can't make the point she wanted to now. She said that she was so angry at Howard that she was shaking. Artie tried to get the new information out of her but Jessica kept telling the same parts of the story over and over again. Howard said he just wanted to hear the new information.
Howard gave a synopsis of what Jessica had said 3 times already and then asked her to say something new. She finally did say some more stuff about Oprah and Barbara and went off on them for a short time. Howard said he was just trying to keep the show moving along.
Howard said that he was angry because he had been called an asshole and a shit head. Artie told Howard that broads are ''craaazy.'' Howard joked that he had missed the point and asked Jessica and Robin what the point was again. He asked Jessica to repeat her comments again. Jessica said she was just trying to make a point and Howard wasn't letting her do that. But he was.
Howard and Artie told her to call the Wrap Up Show later on and tell the story again. Jessica finally said goodbye. Howard repeated Jessica's point again just in case some people didn't catch it. They spent a little more time talking about the points that Jessica was trying to make. Howard said he caught on pretty quick and didn't think she had to keep going with it. Robin said that maybe the audience didn't catch it though and that's why she was going on and on.
Fred played some circus music while Artie made the points that Jessica was trying to make during that call. He threw in most of the stuff that Jessica had brought up during that call. He repeated himself a couple of times just to make it like Jessica's call. He kept going even though the music had stopped. Artie said that it didn't stop in his head. Artie even started going back in history and talking about some stuff she's talked about on the show in the past.
Howard said he agrees with everything that Jessica said but he just felt that she had made her point already and it was time to go. Artie said that she was making some good points. They had to go to break a short time later.
Fred played some Rolling Stones as they were coming back so Howard paused and listened to that a little bit. That led to the guys talking about the Stones and some of their solo projects. They played one of the songs they were talking about, which was Keith Richards' ''Shouldn't Take It So Hard.'' That led to the guys talking about what a great musician Keith Richards is and how great a singer Mick Jagger is.
Fred said there was another song they used on The Sopranos. Howard said he just wanted to hear the song ''Happy'' so he told Fred to play that. They listened to that a little bit and Howard said he thought that was Mick Jagger singing it but it was actually Keith.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jessica Hahn should slip off into obscurity. He said that she was funny when she told Howard to lick her cunt. They spent a few seconds on that and then brought in Lisa G.
The guys were still talking about the Stones and some of the stories they had heard about the band. Howard had Fred playing some of the songs that they were bringing up. Artie said that there was a story about ''Moonlight Mile'' and how Keith Richards was so out of it back then that they had someone else, Mick Taylor, playing on the song. Fred played that one for Howard. They talked about the song and Howard talked about songs that are great to get wasted to.
Artie told Howard he wanted him to read this book about the Stones but Howard said he's too busy with chess to read books. Artie told him some of the stories from the book that were really interesting to him.
Jessica Hahn called in and corrected the caller about the ''lick her cunt'' comment. She said that it was actually ''kiss her cunt'' and not lick. Howard said that now that she's calmed down he wanted to tell her how hot that was. He said he liked that. She also went off on Artie for saying she was 80 when he was goofing on her. Artie said he didn't say it was 80, he said she was 60. Then he said that she had to be 55. Jessica said that she's actually just 48.
Howard said that he's never kissed a 48 year old cunt. Jessica started to get angry with him again. He said that he wasn't trying to be rude, he said that he might just kiss a 48 year old cunt with Jessica but not with anyone else.
Howard said he didn't see one negative about Antonio. He said that he liked the way Sal and Richard were busting his balls in the back. He also thought it was great when he was on the Wrap Up Show and said that the easiest thing he did was direct the show for Howard TV. Howard played a clip of him talking about that.
Howard said that Scott DePace got all pissed off about that and went in trying to say that his job is harder than Gary's job is.
Howard played the audio of Sal and Richard's prank calls to Antonio. They used some clips of Wood Yi, Richard's voice getting cut off, Joe Frazier and George Takei to goof on Antonio.
Howard played another clip from the Wrap Up Show where they were talking to Antonio about the prank calls and how he figured out that they were pranks. Howard said that there was also a clip where Artie talked about how celebrities must go to a special doctor or something instead of an emergency room if he gets injured.
Howard said that he has to go to an emergency room just like anyone else. He said that he's been to the hospital before, many times. That led to Artie and Howard doing their impressions of the VH-1 guy again.
Howard played another Wrap Up Show clip where Artie talked about how he thinks it's gay to go to a plastic surgeon. Howard read an e-mail about that where a guy talked about how funny that story was. Another guy didn't believe the story at all. Artie said that he has pictures of the dresser that show it was cracked and shows the blood on it.
Howard read one e-mail that someone wrote in about Lisa G lying about her sex life. The guy said that they have to get the truth out of her once and for all. Artie said that Lisa was hitting on him this morning saying that he was being ''so funny'' today. Lisa said that he was being very funny today. Artie was thinking about taking her out tonight but Lisa said that she's going to Applebee's with Richard.
Howard told Artie he should go out with Lisa. Artie said he'll be down at his shore house this weekend and she could come down there. Lisa said that she's not going to travel for a first date. Artie said he'd give her a few bucks for the train.
Artie asked Lisa what she likes to eat. She said she likes healthy, clean food. Artie let out an ''Ugh'' but she said that she would go to an Italian place. Artie asked if it was appropriate to date someone on the staff. Howard said he didn't want to put him on the spot.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who thinks that Jon Hein has Jumped the Shark himself with his BJ stories. Howard said that Jon has been writing down the initials of the women he has gotten BJs with and carrying around the sheet with him.
Artie said that Benjy was claiming that he got laid hundreds of times. He said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he doesn't believe Benjy either. Howard said he saw Benjy have a woman one night when he used the cookie wrapper. He said that was disturbing. Benjy said that was 9 years ago. Howard said that she was a whore but Benjy said she wasn't. He said that she was a stripper. She let Benjy do that in the middle of a room with guys around.
Gary came in and asked Benjy to be serious about that. Gary said that there was no cookie wrapper but both Fred and Howard said there was one. Gary said that the chick peed on Benjy later on too. Gary said that she soaked him but Benjy said that he didn't remember that.
Benjy asked Howard what his number was for chicks he got. Howard said that before he got married he guesses that it was about 10-12 girls. He said that no girls ever blew him and walked away. He said that any girl that blew him he had sex with.
Howard said that he would rather have sex with a rubber than just get a blow job. He said that he was married for many years and then got his divorce and probably had another 12 women before he met Beth. Gary said he figured that Howard had about 30 or 40. Howard said that it wasn't that many.
Howard said he was single for a year and he didn't get as many women as Jon Hein was claiming to have gotten. Howard said that Jon isn't any better looking than him and he can't imagine how he got that many women to blow him before he was 22 years old.
Howard said that Jon is the least sexual guy there and it's very hard to believe that he had that many women. Jon came in so Howard asked him about the number he's got on his sheet of paper now. Jon said he made a mistake when he said that his numbers would approach 80. He said that he never said it was 80 but he shouldn't have said it would even approach that. Howard goofed on Jon about how big he had gotten because he couldn't see Lisa behind him.
Jon said that he had duplicated some of the women on his list yesterday. He said that it's more like 30 women. Howard said that you can take that in half and divide it by 2 and that's probably what he has had. Jon said that if he wanted to lie then he would have lied about the number of girls he had fucked.
Sal called in as a guy who had blown Jon and was backing up his claims. Howard said that he liked how Jon was carrying around the piece of paper that he had. Jon said that he went to a school function for his daughter last might and a guy behind him tapped him on the shoulder and told him ''I believe you.''
Jon talked about the different things that he went to where he would get blown. Jon said he hates having this conversation now that he has daughters of his own.
Dominic Barbara called in with a shitty phone connection again so Howard said he was going to ban him because of that. He let him try to get his point out but the phone was cutting out like crazy. Howard ended up doing an impression of Dominic's phone call and goofed on him for a few seconds about that. Fred threw in some gurgling sounds as Howard was doing that. Dominic eventually hung up after asking for a special line he could call in like Ralph has. Howard told him that Ralph doesn't have a special line.
Howard said that Jon's numbers will probably be knocked down another 20 by next week. Jon said that there were just different situations where he was able to get chicks.
Howard asked if Dominic has ever called in with a clear connection. Robin said he hadn't. Howard said that they could use that awful connection as a commercial for some phone provider. He did his impression of him some more and goofed on the awful connection for a couple of minutes. Howard was fumbling around with his megaphone while Fred played the gurgling sound.
Artie said that Dominic was probably about to spill some bullshit about how many chicks he had before he hung up. He said that he wished that connection was clear.
Howard said he hasn't been hanging out with Dominic lately. He was thinking about doing that recently but then he asked himself what the fuck he was thinking. He said he would like to see him walking around with his cane now though.
Dominic called back on a real phone but Howard was doing his impression just to get back at him for calling in earlier. Dominic went on to say that when he was growing up it was much different than things are now. He said that back then they had no AIDS and no fear. Howard said that you still had to convince the girls to have sex with you.
Dominic didn't believe Howard's numbers and figured it was more than he was saying. Howard said it might be a few more but not that many. He said that he may have had 30 at the most. Dominic was saying that 12 plus 12 was 30 so Howard went into his awful phone connection impression again and making up his crazy math.
Artie said that he thinks that if he wasn't in show business, he wouldn't have gotten more than 12 women. Dominic said he wasn't sure how many women he had but he traveled a lot and had women all over the world.
Howard asked him how much he's weighing these days. Dominic said he's about 260 now. Howard asked him about the cane. Dominic got upset with him saying that he used to be his nearest and dearest friend. Howard corrected him and said that he just used Dominic for his house. He said that he never really got together with him and it was Dominic who loved him and always sent him stuff.
Dominic said that he's not walking with the cane now, he's had his surgeries and he's over that. Howard said no one cares and hung up on him.
Lisa tried to finish up her news preview and said that they have a story about what Jason is doing for mother's day this year. He's not doing anything for his mother this year, just like last year. Howard said he got something great for his mother. Artie said that he told his mother to look around at her gift because she's living in it.
Howard said that Antonio being on the show yesterday was making news. He had some audio clips to play about that. Gary told Howard where the clips were so he got to those. He had one from Cleveland where the sports guy talked about Antonio being and intern for a day.
Artie said that Dana had some problems when she appeared on the E! show one time because people were spreading rumors that she had gotten naked on the show when she didn't.
Howard said he remembered the chick talking about how she wanted to further her career with the money she just won. He said she really didn't do anything wrong. She appeared in a bikini, the same thing she'd wear on a beach. The news story had people talking about the things that she was saying on the show and how the board was concerned about that.
Gary showed Howard the pictures of the woman that they had on their web site. They weren't dirty or anything. Howard said that story really bummed him out.
Artie and Howard were doing their VH-1 show guy impressions again so Howard played one of the clips that he had played of that guy earlier in the show. They continued to do their impressions for a few minutes.
The guys asked Lisa about the date with Artie thing again. Lisa said that she's not going to commute to New Jersey for a date. Artie goofed on her a little bit about that using that VH-1 guy voice.
Howard was still thinking about the Jon Hein thing and asked Lisa what she thinks about his claims of 34 women. Lisa said that she'd like to see what he looked like back when he was in high school.
Howard had Aaron, the husband of the woman who lost her job, on the phone. Aaron said that she wasn't fired technically. He said he had to be careful about what he said about this though. He said that he agrees that she didn't do anything wrong. He said that she's beside herself and devastated by the whole thing.
Aaron said that they were doing okay until the news got a hold of the story. He said that really upset Marie. He said that he's never seen her so upset before in his life.
Howard said that the kids in her class, a second grade class, would never see what she was up to. She was on a satellite radio show and on a pay cable show that the kids would never see. They talked about that for a short time. Howard said that it was wrong what they did to his wife and if they have any decency, they should let her have her job back so she can go back to teaching. Howard said she didn't do anything but talk about how much she loves her husband and how much she loves teaching.
Howard asked Aaron to keep them informed about what's going on. Aaron said that he will but he was told not to even mention the name of the company he works for again.
Dominic Barbara called in again and said that you can't be fired for doing stuff like this. He said that he thinks that it's wrong that she quit and seems to have been forced out. Aaron said there was a lot of pressure there and she may have wanted to avoid that.
Howard asked Aaron what's going on with that and Aaron said that she can't legally be on the show again after her resignation. She didn't even get a settlement. Dominic said that he could try to help out with this case and he thinks that she shouldn't have resigned.
Dominic said that he's had teachers who have tenure who have been caught smoking crack who have kept their jobs. Aaron said that there was a lot of pressure to get her out of her job but he couldn't get into any details about it. Aaron said that they spoke to a union lawyer about it and they advised her to get out. Dominic said that when you're a tenured teacher they shouldn't be able to force someone out of a job.
Sal said that he asked the news team to clean up the story so they did some research and found out that it wasn't actually him. He said that Lisa was supposed to retract the story today but she didn't do it. That's why he went off on her in the hallway. Sal said Lisa claimed there was no time to do it but that's bullshit. Howard agreed and said that she did have the time.
Sal said that he's having problems at home too. He said that he has a king size bed now because his kids have to sleep in the room with them now. Howard said that it's not healthy to have the kids sleeping in their bed with them. Sal said that he doesn't mind having them there. Howard said he thinks that it's Sal's wife's way of keeping them from having sex.
Sal said he went to cuddle with his wife last night and she said that she was in a king sized bed but she feels like she needs a cot. Howard asked Sal if he thinks that his wife is still in love with that other guy. Sal said that he thinks that it's inevitable. He said that he looked into things and they went over numbers and the lawyer told him that he can't leave.
Sal talked about how he's got 3 kids and how that is what's keeping him from getting divorced. He said that the jump from 2 to 3 kids is what really gets you.
Lisa came in so Howard asked her what was going on with that. Lisa said that she was trying to get to as much stuff as she could but she knows that they have another set of headlines to get to later on. She felt that she had overstayed her welcome in there and wanted to get out of there.
Sal said that she came out with a slanderous story about him yesterday and did nothing to fix it. He said that she read the story about him yesterday in the studio and she should have fixed it today. Sal said that he wanted to throw something at her and then said he was thinking of using a chain saw and acid on her too.
Howard asked Lisa if she could give the retraction now. She said that Steve would do it later when he comes in. Howard told Sal to stop whining. Sal said that he can't win in this place. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he might do the tattoo thing instead of an actual ring. The guy on the phone said that he shouldn't get one on his finger because it won't stay there. Howard said he's had one for a long time now and it's still there. The guy said that if you work with your hands they do wear off. The guy said that the place is called Phat Tatts. He gave out all of the information about the place including the address and phone number. Howard cut him off as he was giving the number because it was just too much of a plug.
Howard said that the chick who gave him his last tattoo was going to be back in town soon so he might have her do it. The caller said that there's a tattoo convention in town a little later this month. Howard thanked the guy for the call after he gave his condolences to Gary for his father passing away.
Howard said that Beth is into the tattoo thing because it's something permanent on your body. He said that he has to come up with something to put on his finger first though. He said that maybe he'll get a ''B'' but do something else. He wasn't sure about that yet.
Howard said that it was worth every bite to eat that stuff. He said that he really wanted to have it but Robin told him to go to a place called Blossom in his neighborhood because it's really good. Howard watched Artie eating and said that the sandwich looked really small in his hands. He was eating a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich. It was actually his second one.
Howard said he went to a Burger King in Aruba one time and it took like an hour for them to make him a burger. Artie said that the sandwich is really bad for him but it's so good. Artie said he had his blood pressure tested at the hospital and it was normal.
Howard said that he was going to play some stuff while Artie ate. He got in some plugs for the upcoming Hottest Chick with the Ugliest Scar contest.
Howard told Artie that the sandwich he was eating had about 1000 calories and 81 grams of fat in it. Robin said that most people don't need that kind of fat in 3 days.
Howard said that they have a Celebrity Superfan contest coming up soon. He said that contest is being sponsored by Sonos. That led to Robin talking about her Sonos thing and how great it is. She said that you can get SIRIUS all over your house and not have to string wires all over the place. She said that they have these music services that you can get songs from too and you don't have to download it, it just plays.
Gary came in and said that they have SIRIUS on there too but Howard said that she had just said that. Gary wanted to talk about it some more but Howard told him to stop.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel, Jeff Probst and Jerry O'Connell will be in to play this celebrity Superfan contest. He said that's happening next week.
Howard said that they had Kate Hudson on the show one time and he had no recollection of that. Robin said that's because it was on one of their drinking shows. Howard said that he must have been really wasted if he didn't remember that.
Howard said that he was sorry for cutting Gary off but he didn't want to hear a long story. Gary said it was fine and then said ''fuck you all'' to everyone who cut him off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he got really pissed when he heard about Sal and his wife earlier. He said that he'd take that guy and tie him down and make his wife watch him cut little slits in the dude's penis. Howard said that it's not all that guy's fault.
Fred was saying that Sal should go talk to that guy and find out if he's married and maybe talk to him about that. He said that he isn't saying that he should go beat the guy up but maybe he should talk to him about what he's doing to his family. Fred said that Sal is trying to save his marriage but Howard said that he should be saving it through his wife, not with the guy.
Here's how the game works... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard went off on Scott the Engineer for changing Mike's microphone. He said that he changed it for the worse instead of making it better. Scott said that John Hunnerlock is the one who complained about the sound. Howard didn't even know who that was. Gary said that he's an assistant program director. Gary said that he think she has it solved but Tim Sabean came in and said that the sound was bad and they tried to fix it by turning down the volume a little bit.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys had some high speed clips of Artie eating his breakfast. They played that and Artie laughed at that. They even had him dropping some of his egg. He was laughing at himself hysterically. He said that he's like the fattest gerbil ever.
Howard asked Artie if he wants to stop eating when he sees that. Artie said it makes him want to do it every day. Howard pointed out the cut on Artie's face and how he was talking on the microphone with food in his mouth.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she and her husband got tattoos for each other and she thinks that's a great idea for Howard and Beth. Howard said he has to come up with something first. He said that he likes the one he has on his pinkie but he's not so sure about the one on his shoulder. The one on his pinkie is the ohm symbol.
Howard had some stuff to talk about but he said he wanted to start the news. He played some of the voice mail he wanted to clear off his system though. He played one voice mail from Richard's dad who was talking about the dinner he had. He had some flathead catfish and wild mushrooms. Howard said he loves that Richard's dad does that with his son.
Richard said that he and his dad used to go fishing together and it really is nice that he calls with that stuff. Howard said that it's like he's calling to tell him he misses him and that he loves him. Artie said that his dad would be doing the same thing with him and that's why he feels so robbed that he lost him. Artie said that his father would be so proud of him being on this show now. He said that it was a big part of the show and he'd love it.
Howard said he'd love it if his father just called him like that one time and told him what he had for dinner. Howard said that his father thinks that everything bugs people. Howard caught a whiff of something burning so he asked what it was. No one knew what it was.
Howard continued to do an impression of his father calling him with some updates like Richard's dad does. The guys were talking about how weird Richard turned out to be even with that nurturing he got from his parents. Howard said that Richard is now a fat alcoholic and a mess. He said that he pees in a diaper and wants to be naked in the studio and stuff.
Richard said that he doesn't get to see his parents that often so that's why he appreciates those messages. Howard thanked Richard for coming in but he was trying to tell some more stories. Howard thanked him and tried to get him to leave. Richard finally left.
Howard had a Wendy the Retard clip to play but he accidentally deleted it. He found it and played it a few seconds later. Wendy called in talking about her upcoming birthday and how she was going to be doing some Karaoke at a bar soon. She asked Howard to send her some money so she can get drunk and do some karaoke at the bar. She begged him to send her some money but Howard said he's not going to.
Howard said that Whoopi Goldberg jumped in and sang along with Steve Winwood while he was performing on The View. He played the audio of that and Whoopi really ruined the song. She wasn't able to sing at all. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard said that she must love The View for coming in and saving her from her failing radio show. She's got something going on in her life now.
Howard read some e-mail about Greg Fitzsimmons show and about their goofing on Coheed and Cambria. Howard read the comments about his goofing on Coheed and Cambira where the writer complained about him saying that no one had ever heard of them. Howard said that he said that he never said that no one had heard of them, he just said that he was the one who hadn't heard of them.
Howard said he's not up on current music, he's 54 years old. The writer continued on saying that Springsteen sucks and also goofed on Richard a little bit. Howard read another e-mail about the band where the guy said that Coheed and Cambria music is for fags.
Howard read some feedback about Steve Guttenberg and how great the audience thought he was. Howard said that someone thought he was the best guest of all time. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Howard said that he shouldn't even show his fact today. He said he was going to go out to dinner tonight but now he's not sure he should go out in public.
Artie said that Robin pretends that she doesn't want to show off the way she looks but then she'll get up and pose for them.
Howard said he saw Robin get up to go get one of her drinks and her ass was looking really small. He said that she looked really thin today. Robin said that Ronnie told her that if she lost any more weight she was going to disappear. Howard said that's not true and he wants her to lose another 20 pounds.
Fred said that Robin looks like one of those ''Bratz'' dolls. Howard said that she looks like a Rock and Roll Barbie doll or something. Robin said that she did get the t-shirt at a boutique out in Los Angeles to wear to a rock concert. Artie said that they should have a Ken Florentine doll to go along with the Robin Barbie.
Howard said that everyone was pointing out Robin's look to him today. He asked her what she was wearing under the t-shirt. She had another top under that. That was hanging off her shoulder so Howard asked if she did that on purpose. She said it was falling off all by itself because it was so wide.
Steve said that Isaac Mark is leaving Howard TV to go work for a public relations company (Ketchum) in the city. Howard said that it sounds like he's going to be an A/V guy over there. Howard told him it sounds like it might be a kind of shitty job.
Isaac asked Howard if he was serious. Howard asked him what he was going to be doing. Isaac said that he'll be advising companies on video content and selling content to clients. Isaac said that he's going to be producing videos for the web. He said he'll be making cool and fun viral videos for clients to use on the web. He's heading up the department. Howard said ''Ooo, big shot...''
Isaac said he can't stay there forever and it was time to move on. Howard asked Isaac what he does for them now. Isaac said that he produces segments for things like the pageants and stuff like that when Howard isn't doing regular interviews.
Howard asked Isaac if he has a contract over there at the new company. Isaac said he has the same kind of deal he had there at In Demand. He said that's an ''at will'' contract so he can be fired at any time. Howard said it's painful to see Isaac leave.
Artie said that he thinks that Isaac is a great writer and Howard may not believe that. Isaac said that he knows that Howard will never read his script now.
Howard asked Isaac how he found this job. Isaac said he found it on the web and didn't need any connections. He said that he just had some management skills and some ideas to bring to them and that's how he was able to get the job. Howard asked how he had management skills. Isaac said that a lot of guys there have those skills. He mentioned Mike Gange in the same breath so Howard sounded a little shocked by that.
Howard and Artie goofed on Isaac a little bit about his claims of bringing energy to this new job. Artie was doing his VH-1 guy voice again. Howard had some fun with that too. Artie made fun of him being bald because of the energy he has.
Isaac talked about all of the great people he worked for that gave him the skills he needed for this job. Howard wished him luck with the new job and told him to get in touch with Robin if he needs anything from the show.
Howard let Isaac go and said that it really sounds like a shitty job for him. He said that he probably wants to prove that he can get a job somewhere else but he could stay there and have fun.
Howard said he was trying to drag this out because he heard that Steve had to take a shit. Artie heard a story about Steve shitting his pants at Hard Copy when he was there and that they called him ''Mud'' after that. Steve said that the story wasn't true. Howard asked Steve how bad he had to shit. Steve said that he was ready to go and he was at about a 7.5 or 8.
Steve said that they have a story about the anniversary of the Philly Zookeeper funeral. Howard let him go take his shit after that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stories they were going to try and cover today. Howard then got Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line and had him give a rundown of what he had coming up tonight (at 7pm on Howard 101). Mutt said that the fans have been very positive lately so they'll talk about Antonio Pierce's appearance, Miss Black Howard Stern and the Wheel of JD, Jon Hein's blow jobs and more.
Artie and Howard were doing their VH-1 guy voices again. Robin was reading some stories about Mariah Carey's marriage and things like that while Howard and Artie continued to do that impression while talking about the stories. Robin read a story about Jenna Bush getting married and Artie did his Beavis and Butt-Head impression when he heard the word ''bush.''
Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression after Robin brought up something with the name Kennedy in it. That got both Artie and Fred doing their impressions of him too. Robin read some news about Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and more. Howard continued to do his Kennedy impression through all of that.
Robin read some news about the devastation over in Myanmar. Fred threw in a Jackie the Joke Man laugh during that story.
Robin said that the show ''Scrubs'' is ending tonight with it's series finale. Artie said he never got into that show and he's never seen an episode but Zach Braff is a nice kid. Robin played a clip of Zach talking about the final episode. Artie said that Zach will probably fall off the face of the earth after that show goes off the air.
Robin read some news about American Idol and the return of Bo Bice. Howard said he was really bad. He spent a few minutes talking about how bad the performances were last night. They played some audio clips from the show and goofed on Bo Bice's performance. His song was from his new album but Artie said that it sounds more like it's from his ''last'' album. Howard had to take a break around 10:30am.
After the break Howard had Robin get right back into her news. She had some audio of John McCain appearing on The Daily Show last night. That led to Howard talking about how it's impossible to have a positive campaign after hearing that the McCain people were saying they were going to have one.
Robin read a couple more stories and then ended her news. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary said that the level wasn't that far off but it should be checked every Thursday morning. He said that Scott didn't fight him on that so he figured he knew that he was wrong about it.
Jon said that they had Isaac Mark come in to say goodbye this morning and he probably didn't expect the send off he got today. Isaac said he actually did expect it. He said he appreciated what Howard said so it wasn't that bad.
Gary asked Isaac if he was upset that Howard didn't say something nicer to him. Isaac said that he gets why he was acting the way he did because he's losing an employee.
Gary said that he heard Howard say something about Isaac not having managerial skills because he was hired as an intern there. Gary said that he kind of got pissed about that because that was 11 years ago. The guys in the back think that they'll always be seen that way because they started out that way there.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he should have checked the levels this morning but they never change the levels there. He said that Mike's levels have always been the same and they changed nothing until someone there wanted to change it. Gary told Scott he should check the levels this morning and every Thursday morning. Scott said he'd have to talk to Mike to check it but he never does that. He said that it's not that easy to make that happen.
Scott was explaining his side of the story when Jim McClure came in and said that Scott didn't even know what Mike had out there. Jim said he was out there and found that Mike's set up was really screwed up and he wasn't able to hear himself. Scott said that the way things are set up, he can't talk to Mike on his microphone, he'd have to talk to him on the phone.
Scott said that things were going smoothly up until now. Jim said that he was under the impression that the mic sounded bad out there so that's why he was going out to check it. Tim Sabean came in and said that it was distorting and that's why they had to get it fixed.
Scott ended up yelling at Tim about the way he treats him there. He said that if he suggests something there he treats him like shit so he doesn't do it. Scott said that he ignores him when he brings stuff up and he would like to change some stuff but Tim won't let him do it.
Tim kept asking Scott if he really wanted to go down this road. Scott didn't want to but Jon said that the audience probably would. Scott said something about them hiring someone for a job that maybe shouldn't have been hired. Tim wanted Scott to go with the accusations and ''bring it on'' since he brought it up. Scott said there was nowhere else to go with it.
Scott said that there are things that are done there without talking to him. He said that he doesn't have any examples in his head right now but he could come up with something. He told Tim that he's the boss so he's not going to fight with him about it.
Gary said that when they started there at SIRIUS things seemed to be okay with Scott. He was a pain in the ass over at K-Rock and things started all over again here. Scott said that this place was messed up and his studio was put together wrong and it's been a ''pig fuck'' ever since they started. He said they've tried to get him the right equipment since the beginning but things are being done but not the way they should be.
Tim told Scott that he's being limited by a budget so he can't fix everything. Scott said that they should have done it right from the start. Tim said he wasn't there for that so he couldn't help that. Tim said that they have fixed a bunch of stuff there but they are limited by the budget.
Gary said that Tim is a hard guy to irritate but Scott has managed to do that. Tim kept saying that he has to keep everyone flying but it's very hard with the budget and all of that. Scott said that he's trying to give the best he can to the Howard Stern Show but it's tough. Tim said that everyone there is doing that and that's why the show is as good as it is.
Jon asked Scott if this was all coming from the fact that he didn't get an iPod from Tim for Christmas. Scott said that is still in the back of his head but he is over it. Tim said that he will be getting something very nice this year. Scott said it wasn't even the iPod, it was the fact that he was left out of something.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Tim why he's always confrontational with Scott. Scott was trying to defend himself before Tim even had an answer. Tim said that he just happened to be there for this Scott thing today and he usually doesn't come on the air to bust balls.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks that Tim doesn't like him. Scott said that he knows he can be an asshole but he thinks that Tim does like him. He said he might not respect what he does there though. Tim said that's not true at all. The caller had also asked about bringing back the Friday show so Tim gave a teaser and said that they do have some stuff coming up that the listeners should like.
Another caller asked Scott if maybe he should just step down and move on. Scott asked the guy if he had a job for him. Gary said that Scott had a contract there so he's got to finish that off. The caller said that maybe Scott is getting too old for what he's doing and they should bring someone else in. Gary said that Scott is good at what he does and he has a knowledge of the show that no one else has. Gary said that Scott knows what he needs to do without being told so he does have some value there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Tim is just a guy who should be sitting behind is desk jerking off that Jared guy. He hung right up after that. Another caller said that Scott is a pain in the ass and he's always bitching about stuff there on the show. Scott said that no one is perfect and he never said he was. He said that things do slip through the cracks and he can't help that.
Gary talked about how things worked over at K-Rock and how it really wasn't fair the way they ran things over there. They made him in charge of things that he had no idea how to do. He would get yelled at about the air conditioning over there. Gary said that he got yelled at about the band Yes not having the right sound over there and that wasn't even something that Scott should have been in charge of. Tim said that there are fewer obstacles there at SIRIUS than there were at the other place.
Jon asked Tim if he has a problem separating Scott the Engineer from Scott the Incompetent Engineer. Tim said that he has a job to do to make things run smoothly there. He said that everyone has a good and a bad day once in a while. He said that everyone has to be driven to do their jobs.
Jon took some more calls and let some people go off on Scott a little bit. One guy asked what kind of stuff Scott was sneaking out of his studio years ago. Scott said he didn't know what he was talking about. It was the stuff that he'd asked Benjy to hold for him. Scott said that it was just personal tapes that he had accumulated over the years.
Ronnie the Limo Driver called in disguising his voice, as Frank, and went off on Tim for letting Scott get away with stuff there. Scott told him to get back in his car and go away. Ronnie hung right up.
Jon took some more calls and let some more people talk to Tim and Scott. One guy asked Tim what's up with them not having any new programming there. He said that he doesn't get why they put Jay Thomas on Howard's channel and wondered what Tim is up to there. The guy thinks that Robin hates Artie too so he wanted the guys to give their thoughts on that.
Gary said he doesn't think that Robin hates Artie. He said that she likes to break his balls but that's it. He said that he doesn't get it as hate. He also said that Jay Thomas was a regular on the show that they found funny and that's why they put him on Howard 101.
The caller said that they want Gary on Friday mornings. Gary said it doesn't seem that way. The caller said that might have been because they had just lost Howard from doing Friday mornings. He said that Gary, Jon and Ralph were great at what they did.
Gary said that they were doing that Friday show as a recap of the week and it was right around the time they started replaying the show all day long so it seemed like a bit of a waste.
Tim told the caller about what he does there and how they are looking for new shows and new things to do there. He said that they have some new stuff coming up soon and the channels are a work in progress that will continually evolve. He said that they are limited by budget and manpower though so they can't do everything. Tim said that the Friday Show was good but they have people working there constantly. He said that they all work like crazy there and it's his job to keep them going.
Gary said that he thinks they should do some of the Friday Show type stuff on the Wrap Up Show and told the audience to let them know if they want to talk to other people who work there.
Tim talked about how they're going to keep trying new stuff on the channels there as much as they can. He said that they should stick with them and if anyone has any ideas they should call him.
Benjy asked Tim and Scott about their BJs and intercourse. Scott said that was personal. He said that his numbers were quality and not quantity. Tim didn't want to say his numbers either. Gary said that he must have some good numbers but Tim said it was all foggy to him. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he was talking to Isaac the other day and Isaac isn't doing this to get more pay or anything, he just wants to move on and do other things. Isaac said that he doesn't work to have fun, he's doing it to make a living. Isaac said that things get repetitious with the side of the show he's dealing with and it's time for him to move on.
Isaac said that he wondered what Tim did there before he started and now he knows that he does a lot. He said he knows that it's very difficult to manage people after seeing what Tim does.
Benjy said that he agrees with Howard about the marriage stuff he was talking about this morning but he's not so sure about this thing with Isaac. He understands that he gets upset about it but it's not just the companies that are hiring these guys, the employees are choosing to leave.
Isaac said he just wants to move on in his career and he knows that things aren't going to change there so he has to go elsewhere.
Jon played a clip of Howard and Jessica talking this morning where she broke down and started crying. Jon and Gary talked about that for a short time.
Gary said that Howard gets this glaze over his eyes that they can see when they walk in the studio but Jessica can't see that when she calls in. Gary said that she probably got that look and didn't know that Howard just wanted her to wrap up.
Sal said that he thinks that the Wall may have gotten the best of Jessica and that's why they have very little chance of seeing her these days. He said that he wouldn't care if she looked like Madam the puppet though.
Since Sal was in there Jon asked him about his fight with Lisa G. Sal talked about how she's always in there interjecting and trying to be funny. He said that she should just get in, get out and just do her headlines.
Sal talked about the story they ran about him skipping out on a bill that turned out not to even be him. He said that he had them look into it and asked them to retract the story. He said that Lisa said she was going to do it but then didn't so he got upset with her. That's what led to their fight today.
Sal said that he was hurt by the story because he would never leave a place without paying his tab. He said that Lisa will talk about all of that boring shit forever and not worry about correcting something that she did wrong.
Jason said that Sal has every right to be pissed about this today. He said that Steve goes in and reads his headlines and gets out. He said that Lisa goes in and just picks and chooses the stories she's going to read. Jason said that she should have read that story because they should have gotten in that retraction while she was in there.
Jon said that in Lisa's defense, she was in there for a very long time and she didn't want to overstay her welcome. Jason said that she decides on the stories she wants to read and that Sal story was the one that she decided to skip.
Benjy said that it is a big thing to be accused of stealing like they were doing in that story. Jason said that the news team really fucked up in a big way and that correction should have been done during the show when everyone was listening.
Jon said that Lisa also asked Artie out to dinner during the show and he wondered if they're just playing around. Gary said that he thinks that they're really not interested in each other. They talked about how Lisa would probably find Artie kind of crass and maybe she wouldn't be so interested in him.
The guys said that Lisa was talking about how funny Artie was this morning. Sal said that she's still taken with him even after he's jokingly told her to get him a cup of coffee. He said that she would tell any other guy to fuck off if they did that. Sal said that he thinks that it's just another time for Lisa to get some air time.
Gary said that he's not sure if Artie would bang her. He said that he probably wouldn't work that hard to get her though.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked how they can say that they're working hard on the show when they had no guests today. Gary said that they have to ramp the show up even more when they don't have guests. Jason said that booking guests doesn't take up that much time. They have a lot of other stuff they do behind the scenes that no one really knows about.
The caller said that it seems like they did more bits when Jackie was there but they see none of that now. Gary said that it's the Howard Stern Show and if Howard wanted bits, he'd ask for them. He said that Howard isn't looking for that at this point.
Sal said that what Howard and Artie were doing with that VH-1 guy voice was better than anything that would have been scripted.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thought the Artie bit was killer today. Gary said that was based on nothing too because Artie just brought it up himself and it evolved from there. The caller said he likes that the best when they don't even have any guests.
Another caller said that he had a comment about Scott. He said that they wouldn't keep anyone there who was incompetent so bashing Scott is kind of ridiculous. He said that he loves the shows so Jon thanked him for that and quickly went over the Scott Ferrall thing they did this morning. Gary said he had to correct himself and said that Chris was a producer on Scott's show, not just a phone screener. He apologized to Chris for that. Jon and the guys spent another few seconds on that story before they had to end the show.
Howard started off the show talking about some Playboy Playmates that were on Family Feud last night. He said that they had a shot of one of the girls where you could see the crack of her behind. He said if he did that he'd get fined.
Howard said that Robin's boyfriend Penn Jillette was coming by today. Robin said that she doesn't have a boyfriend.
Howard said that he had to wake up before he got going this morning. He went to the phones and took some calls. One guy said he just got Crucified by the FCC and he loved it. Howard said he gets a lot of feedback like that and people think he's making it up. The caller said he likes that he got to hear a lot of the stuff he missed on that set. Howard said his agent doesn't think he explains it very well when he talks about it.
Howard said that Crucified by the FCC is the best thing you can buy if you're a fan of the show. The caller said he likes the first CD in the set the best.
Howard and Robin talked about the set and how Scott the Engineer got a huge credit for doing whatever it was he did. Howard said that Scott did a lot of the engineering. Howard said that he did a lot of the work himself though. He didn't want to credit himself for all of that stuff though so he gave Scott a big credit instead.
Howard said that Scott did a great job but he didn't deserve to get credit on every tape, CD, box and everything else. He said he wanted to give the narrator a credit too and they gave him a huge credit just like Scott.
Howard said you'd think that Dick Heymeyer and Scott did most of the work on the thing. Dick did about an hour of work. Howard said that he thanked everyone appropriately. Kevin the Newsletter Guy contributed to the booklet they included. Howard said that most of it worked out okay except for those huge credits for Scott and Dick. Howard said Scott didn't do more work than anyone else but that's what it looks like.
Howard said that if this set works out, he'll put out another set of the really early years. He said that this one will be considered a limited edition though.
The caller asked if the Negligee and Underpants Party is still available. Howard said it's not, that's why it's so cool to buy this stuff when it's available. It makes it very rare and valuable in the future. Howard said that they've almost caught up with the orders for Crucified and everyone who ordered should be getting it soon.
Howard read through some mail he got about the Crucified box set. The fans seemed to like what they were hearing on the set. They talked about some of their favorite things about it.
Howard read a letter he got from a woman who talked about how great it was to hear the cassette tapes on a trip she went on with her husband. They had a great time listening to the tapes on the trip and it brought them closer and rekindled their marriage.
Howard read through a few more letters and then said that the set is still available to order. He let the caller go and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard read through the list of stuff that they were saying was inappropriate and there were a lot of things. They also said that people have to have some decent hygiene. Gary said he heard that they were making them get haircuts over there too. Howard said that was bogus.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up how they had changed the theme song to the TV show this week. Howard said they did that for the basketball game they played. He said that he doesn't want to change the theme and he thinks that they should keep it the same.
Howard talked about how they got that theme song over there. They were supposed to do a thing where they were going to have different rock and roll songs every week but he's not sure how they got stuck with that one song. He said that he thinks it was the licensing fees and stuff that stopped the different songs every week from happening. He said they went to Angel (Fifth Angel) and used their song every week.
The caller talked about the basketball game and said that he thinks that Howard lost because of that awful ''Merv'' t-shirt he was wearing.
Howard said that the channel 9 show was covered like it was a real basketball game. He read the article about how ''WWOR was WW-BAD.'' The author wrote that he had ''grazed past'' the show the other night and watched it. Howard said that he's seen guys like that who watch the show and claim they don't. He called one guy out on that and the guy finally admitted to have been a fan of the show.
Howard read through the article where the guy talked about the basketball game between him and Nils Loftgren. Howard ended up talking about Nils and how he was able to beat him. Gary said he just watched the show last night and Nils was kind of out of control. Gary said that he saw Nils go to an intern to put some time back on the clock when Howard called a time out. Howard said Nils was really intense and not having fun at all.
Howard said that Nils was really good at the game but there were some things going on that he didn't like because they weren't being very fair. They weren't calling fouls on Nils and stuff like that.
Gary was talking to Howard about the game but Howard noticed he had something in his throat so he asked him to clear his throat. Gary said there was nothing there but when he cleared his throat, Howard noticed there was a difference.
Jackie said that Nils got even more intense when he had scored 20 points. Howard said he wants to keep that guy off the show from now on.
Howard read through more of the article about the show and goofed on the guy who was reviewing it. The guy was claiming that he had never stayed tuned for more than 25 seconds of it. Howard said there's no way the guy could only watch for 25 seconds. He said he had to have stuck with it for at least a minute or two.
Howard said this guy was complaining about the way he was talking about ''penis size'' during the show. Howard said he wasn't trying to be funny when he was doing that.
The author had some lines in his article that weren't making any sense to Howard. He said that this guy isn't much of an author. The guy goofed on Howard for being on WWOR but Howard pointed out that this guy is writing for a paper that no one reads. Howard wrapped up and went to a break a short time later.
Howard read an article about his TV show where the author talked about him being the next generation of late night talk show hosts. He said they had some pictures of him in character and he's not sure he would have approved them if he was asked.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about a big they played recently. Howard talked about that bit a little bit. He said that he was doing an impression of a guy who was known for doing an impression of the Kennedys. He spent a few minutes talking about this guy, Vaughn Meter, and that led to Howard doing a very short ''Er-uh'' Kennedy impression.
Fred ended up doing an impression of Howard and goofed on him. Howard asked him what that was. Fred said that it was him. Fred sounded more like Howard's mother than Howard. Howard told Fred to remember where his paycheck comes from and suggested he take that verve and use it to write a script once in a while. He turned down Fred's microphone and said that's Fred's new shtick on the show.
Howard said he had caught Fred in a lie and he was proving it today. He said that all of those days he asked Fred to help him out in the past, and he turned him down, he was lying about what he was up to.
Howard went through the rest of the live commercial but that ended up getting them into this story about Cookie Puss. Howard went into his Cookie Puss voice and talked to Fred about that story. Fred had given his mother a Cookie Puss Carvel Cake one time so Howard goofed on him about that.
Cookie Puss talked about how he hates Fudgie the Whale and how he was able to talk about that now that Tom Carvel is gone.
Robin said that she thought that the puss was shortened from ''pussy'' but cookie Puss said that it was just a reference to it being a face. Cookie Puss didn't remember what he looked like so he had to ask Fred what he did look like.
Cookie Puss asked Fred why he didn't just buy his mom a quart of milk or a newspaper instead of a Cookie Puss. He spent a few minutes goofing on Fred about that. He told him that he should get his mother some cotton candy for her next birthday. Robin said that was a first giving his mother a Cookie Puss for mother's day.
Howard said that it was pretty insulting to give his mother a Cookie Puss cake as a gift. Fred said that this whole thing was insulting. Howard asked him if he at least calls his mother. Fred said that he does and continued to argue with Howard as Cookie Puss.
Cookie Puss asked Jackie why he pissed in his mother's face for her birthday. Jackie said that he did that because Carvel was closed at the time. Cookie Puss said he was going to run out of the room during the break so he didn't have to deal with Fred. He wondered what Fred could do to him other than eat him.
Cookie Puss asked if you have to special order a Cookie Puss or if you can just walk in and get it. Fred said you just walk in and buy it. Cookie Puss said there's a new cake called Fudgie the Underpants and Cheesy the Foot. Then there's Booger the Nose, Andy the Anus and others.
Howard got out of the voice and said that he was done annoying Fred. He said he didn't need to do that to Fred anymore. He thanked Fred for doing great during the writing meeting the other day. Howard spent a short time talking to Fred about his mother and going to visit her.
Fred said that he doesn't think that Robin has any right to comment on that stuff with the kind of family relationship she's got. Robin laughed at Fred for that comment.
Howard went to a break and did another live commercial that was farted out. During that Fred said something about punching Howard in the face.
Howard had a guy on the phone who wanted to play Guess Who's the Jew. He told the guy he was going to play the Kennedy song ''Raping in the Night'' before he got to that. He said that Stuttering John was out interviewing prostitutes the other night too so he had to play the audio of that. He said that John would ask the girls to do interviews for the TV show and when they'd turn him down, he'd call them whores.
Howard played the ''Raping in the Night'' song parody he sang. Howard said they had a lot coming up after that including Robin's man Penn. Robin let out a sigh when she heard him mention that. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked the fans to send in some pens to write with because they're running out again. He said that Tom won't buy them the Sharpie pens that they use so they have to ask the fans for them. Howard said he's gone to Tom asking for more but he won't buy them.
Howard said that it actually slows them down if they don't have the right pens. He said they'll take any color except for red. Gary usually holds on to them and doles them out but they still run out. Howard asked Gary how many he had left. Gary said he has about 3 dozen left and didn't know they needed more. Gary said that Jackie goes through about 6 a week.
Cookie Puss came back a couple of times during that discussion. Howard said that the point of the matter is that they need more pens. Gary said that he has ordered pens in the past but Tom has cut down the number that he orders. He said that Tom thinks that they're wasteful with the pens. Jackie said that they're really not wasteful and they're constantly writing stuff. Howard moved on after that.
Fred had some fun doing some material as the character. He had some names for the other games he could play like ''Spic-Tac-Toe'' and a few others.
The caller said that he never dated a Jew or anything like that. He said he had some animosity toward the Jews in the past. Howard spent a minute talking to the caller about all of that and then had Fred do his thing.
Fred, I mean Kurt, went on to give out the three names the caller had to choose from. The caller had to pick which of the three was a Jew. The three people Kurt gave out were Kathy Bates, Meryl Streep and Angelica Houston. The caller quickly said he was going to go with Meryl Streep. The caller was right so Kurt gave him the details and said that he was correct.
Howard said that the caller won a CD player so he had to either take it or try and trade up and win again. He said that if he wins again, he could win the CD player and a 2 minute visitation with the back of their office door where they have the naked pictures of the women who have sent them in. The guy's wife got on the line and said that he had to take the CD player. Howard told the guy to go talk it over with his wife during the commercial. The guy's wife didn't want him looking at any nude pictures so she told him that he doesn't have a choice. Howard told her that not too many people have gotten to see the back of that door and it would be a very special treat.
Howard asked the guy if he wanted to see the door. He said that he did but the guy's wife kept telling him ''No!'' over and over. Howard asked him if he was going to be pussy whipped or take the deal. The guy said he was going to go for it. The guy said that his whole life is like that and she's been like that since he was 19 when he met her.
The guy said that he wanted to go for it but his wife told him he was making a mistake. Howard told him he'd throw in a muzzle for his wife too. He said that he can't imagine him letting her boss him around like that for so long. The guy said that he's been with her for 17 years so he's used to it.
Howard said he had to take a commercial break and then he'd be right back with the rest of the game. Robin thought the guy was a fool for taking that chance to win.
After an edited out commercial break Howard talked about his Crucified by the FCC set and read some mail he got about it. He got back to the game a short time later.
The caller was back on the line and saying that he had to take the CD player and get out of the game. He told Howard he must have heard what he has to go through. He said that she went through the list of stuff that made him change his mind. Howard told the guy he was going to give him the CD player anyway, even if he hadn't played again. Howard told him to tell his wife that she did a really good thing for him. He asked the guy if his name is ''Pussy Whipped.''
The guy's wife got back on the phone and asked if Howard was trying to make her day go bad. Howard said that she's sounding dangerously close to being his mother. She said that maybe that's what he needs. She was asking if they were going to get a limo ride up there to the station. Howard goofed on her a little bit and told her that she should let her husband have some fun. She said he's been having fun since 1982 because he's self employed. She said that he does whatever the hell he wants with his hot dog stand and he enjoys it.
Howard asked the guy about the hot dog cart and how much he can make in a year. The guy said that he can make over $100,000 a year if you do it right. Howard figured that this guy must not want to make love to this broad because she's so much like his mother. The guy said that they actually have sex all the time.
Howard asked how many kids they have. They said they have three. The guy was saying that he can go anywhere in the city that he wants with the hot dog stand but he always goes to the same place. That led to Gary talking about the stuff that he likes to get on his dogs at those stands. Howard put them on hold to hook them up with the CD player. Howard said that was some marriage right there.
After and edited out commercial break Howard did another live commercial for an unknown sponsor. He and Robin talked about the sponsor for a short time and then brought in Penn Jillette.
Penn came in and Howard called him the future Mr. Quivers. Howard told Penn that he should send Robin a Cookie Puss to get on her good side. That led to Howard doing his Cookie Puss voice a little more.
Howard said that he and his wife went to the Penn and Teller show the other night and they figured out one of the tricks they do. Howard said that the show is really great but they did figure that one trick out. Howard asked Penn if he would tell them how the trick is done. Penn said that he'd probably mislead him if he tried to figure it out.
Howard did his impression of Penn talking to him and doing this barking voice he does for him. Penn was saying that people used to come up to him and ask him about Howard but now it's all about Robin.
Howard asked Penn about the model they use in the show and said that she was ''top notch stuff.'' Howard found out that Penn has dated that chick before. Penn said that he still sees her once in a while. Howard said he doesn't think that Penn should make Robin his one and only, he should add her to the group of women he dates.
Howard wanted to do some news and then he'd get back to Penn and Robin. He gave Penn some plugs for their show on Broadway and then spent a little more time talking to Penn about the show and stuff like that. Howard said he'd like to go back and see it again so he can try and figure out some of the other tricks.
Howard talked to Penn about going to clown college and got some details about that. Penn said that he did a lot of juggling when he was there. They spent a short time on that and then went to a commercial break.
Howard talked about the computer he has and how he set it up so that his computer turns on when he pulls out the tray for the keyboard. Penn was telling Howard he should get a CD-ROM drive. Howard didn't know why he needed it. Penn told him about why he needed it and went through some other peripherals that he might want to get.
Howard said that Penn was showing off with his comments about the computer stuff. Howard said he had a 20 megabyte drive in his computer. Penn bragged that his was a 40. Penn asked how fast his computer was. Howard didn't know. The two of them were going back and forth talking about what version of Word they had and things like that.
Howard had Robin get into some news stories after he and Penn spent a few minutes talking. Robin read some news about Jesse Jackson and Howard played some audio of a speech the guy made. Howard said he must have recorded it at channel 9 because the audio quality was horrible. Howard goofed on Jackson for a short time and made fun of the way he sounded in that clip.
Robin read through some more news about things like AIDS and mosquitos, Spike Lee stealing a cab from someone and more. Howard told a story about his mother having a cab stolen from her by Charlton Heston one time. Robin talked about seeing someone there at the station in the lobby the other day. She said that she saw Harry Bellafonte there. Howard said that Pete Fornatel was interviewing him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back, around 9:10am, and said that Robin and Penn had disappeared during the break. He heard that Penn was back in his office looking at the nude pictures on the back of his door. He gave him some plugs for Penn and teller's show and then had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about a rape case in the area where a 23 year old guy was charged with raping an 11 year old girl. She ended up getting pregnant. She also had some news about computer video games, Senator Al D'Amato, Donald Trump and sexual harassment. Penn let the S-word slip out at one point so Howard had to let him know he can't say that on the air.
Howard said that Penn and Teller sell stuff after the show. Penn said that he was signing stuff and most of it had Howard's autograph on it too. Howard said his wife was getting all uptight about it but he figured he had to sign the stuff since they were out in public. He said he probably won't go out in public again for another year after that though.
Howard said the last time he was out in public was about 3 years ago when he went to see Cats. He said he didn't get that show and what happened at the end of it.
Howard came out of an edited out commercial break and did a live commercial. Sponsor was edited out again. Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard said he was going to play the Stuttering John clips, that he didn't get to today, tomorrow.
Howard asked Penn how he ended up back in his office. Penn said he was following her around and she had gone back there to go through some stuff. Howard wanted all of the details so he spent a couple of minutes going over what they were doing back there. They were just talking and Penn was looking at the nude pictures on the door.
Howard asked Penn what his intentions are with this model he's dating. Penn said he really doesn't know. He said that he doesn't even know if he'll ever get married.
Howard ended up calling Robin's answering machine because she does something very odd on it. She says ''Blah, blah, blah'' instead of her name and the number that the people are calling. Howard called Penn's answering machine too so he could hear what he does. Penn just says ''Yeah...'' and that's it. He doesn't have a message other than that. Robin said that she didn't want to put a conventional message on her's so that's why she did what she did.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Penn talking to him about his show. He also ended up going off on Spike Lee again about his awful movies.
Robin asked Howard to play an audio clip that she had. Howard played the clip and Robin asked him if he knew what it was. Howard knew it was a clip from the movie ''Citizen Kane.'' She did a story about the 50th anniversary of the movie and said it was out in theaters again. That led to Penn asking Robin out to see the movie but she said she couldn't go.
Howard tried to get Robin and Penn to set up a date but they weren't jumping on the offer. They were talking about the old popcorn trick that you do when you put your penis in a popcorn box and Jackie said that he actually did that trick one time.
Howard asked Penn if he thought he was going to go out today or not. Penn said he thinks that they will end up going to see ''Citizen Kane.''
Robin read through a few more news stories that she hadn't gotten to earlier. She had one about a young girl whose heart stopped in her class. She had a story about Julia Roberts getting married to Kiefer Sutherland. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin said that Richard Simmons is going to be going on David Letterman's show finally. Howard said that he knows how all of that came about and he figures that Letterman listens to his show and that gave him the idea to have him on. Howard said he's okay with it though because Richard should be doing shows like that.
Robin finished up her news so Howard wrapped up with Penn and gave him some more plugs for his Broadway show. He gave Jackie his plugs and played some music as he was ending the show. They were done around 10:00am (Master Tape Theatre time).