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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | |
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Howard started off the show talking about how wide awake he was this morning after getting some good sleep last night. He said that sometimes that can make him tired during the day but today he was wide awake. He said that he had some good sex last night too so that helped.
Howard went to the phones a short time later and took a call from Wolfie. Wolfie asked if Artie's mom still buys him an Easter basket every year. Artie laughed and said no to that. He said he might get some food coming his way but that's about it. Howard said it would be cool if he did get an Easter basket every year with the grass in it and all of that.
Wolfie also asked what size pants Artie is wearing now. Artie said that's interesting because he doesn't wear pants like a normal human being. He said he wears them down low so they're not as big as you'd think. He said that his waist was at about a 54 when his tailor came in to make him a suit though. He said that was really depressing when he heard that.
Howard talked about how he used to go to a big and tall man's store in the past and he hated going to those places. He asked Artie about the waist size and if that was for real. Artie said that's what the guy measured. He said he doesn't do that when he buys pants though, he just wears them below his waist.
Howard talked about the big and tall men stores and what it was like going to those places. He said that people tell him that he's like a chick now when he's 6'5'' tall and only 195 pounds. He said that he never wants to go back to the big and tall man's store so that's why he stays that weight. He said he likes to be able to wear a normal shirt.
Wolfie said that John Candy was rumored to have a 59 inch waist and he was up around 375 pounds when he died. Artie said that he remembers seeing an interview with him about a week before he died and he just looked uncomfortable with life at that point. Howard said that the names of the big and tall men's shops are going to change to Big and Tall and Not Getting Laid shop.
Wolf asked Artie if he could get his waist measured there. A minute later Sal came in and said that he had one there. He said that they measured Beetlejuice's penis with that one time. He went over to check Artie's waist size with the tape measure.
Howard was having problems with the microphone that Artie was at. He said he was glad to see that they tested it. Sal told Artie to hold the tape on his belly button and Sal swung around saying it was going to take about 10 minutes to get back around. He measured 55 inches.
Howard asked Artie if he got laid this weekend. Artie kind of said yes but it sounded like he was trying to keep that a secret. They talked about his 1 inch gain in waist size and how he remembered it being 54 when he was measured for his suit by that guy Anthony. He said that he has 3 different suits now so he has one for three different weights.
A phone caller told Howard that his show is so great. He said that he likes that they're off on Friday because he's able to get some work done. Howard told him that's why they take Friday's off. Another caller brought up Artie getting into that reclining chair last week and how funny that show was. He pointed out that Artie had some zits on the end of his nose too. Howard checked out some video of that and he did have some very small marks on there.
The caller asked Artie if he's broken anymore toilets. Artie said he didn't think so. He said that he went to a really nice hotel down in Miami. The Mandarin Hotel in Miami is the one he stayed at. He said he forgot his toothbrush and they got him one in like 3 minutes. He said that he tipped the guy 10 bucks for that. He said that there are a few other ones down there that are nice. He said that the Mandarin is right on the bay and every room has an enormous terrace and you can go out and just hang out like an outdoor living room.
Another caller asked Artie how his jog on the beach was. Artie said that he went down on Friday night and did a quick jog on the beach. He found out that he knew a bunch of guys from L.A. who were out there shooting the new Jennifer Aniston movie and he went to a strip club with some of the crew. He said that the girls were really hot down there at that club. Howard asked if he went out with anyone from the club. Artie said he couldn't say, he had issues to deal with.
Howard asked Artie about the comedy show that he was doing down there. He said that it was a great crowd down there.
Howard said that Kenneth was on the Tonight Show doing his smoke blowing out of the eyes thing for him. Artie said he didn't know that. Howard talked about that for a second and then played the audio where the news anchor talking about Ken's arrest. She called him an actor and a comedian. Howard thought that was a big surprise. In the report they talked about Kenneth trying to pull this girl into his car and being arrested for that.
Howard's name was mentioned third in that report about where Ken has appeared so Howard said that he was glad that he did the Tonight Show so his name wasn't first.
Howard had an article about Kenneth's arrest. They called Ken the ultimate airhead and claimed that Howard was the one who gave him the name. He said he didn't remember doing that. He read more of the article where they talk about what happened to this girl. He allegedly approached her and started honking his horn to get her attention. He began yelling at her to come over to his car but she kept walking. He persisted and stopped his car at a light. He told her to get in and that her mother told him to pick her up.
Howard said that he was amazed that Ken even has a car. He also said that Ken was yelling out his name telling her that he was there to pick her up. Howard said that this is the kind of guy that his mother used to warn him about. Howard read that Kenneth got out of his car and started to pull the girl toward his car. She got away and ran away. She called the police and they knew who he was based on her description and the fact that he had yelled out his name.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that if this is correct he could get 20 years in jail. Dominic said that he was also calling in about something else. He said that the Governor Spitzer thing was a tip off and Howard disagreed with him on that. Turns out Dominic was right. Howard said that he and Robin were right and he was wrong. That led to the guys talking about that story and what they read in some articles about it.
The guys mentioned that they read that Spitzer used to keep his black socks on when he'd have sex. Howard said that he read that shows a lack of intimacy and that's why guys keep their socks on. Artie said that he keeps his socks on and one of his hooker's once commented on that.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that there's no way Kenneth Keith could have done this. He said that he's certain that Ken knew the girls mother. The guys thought he was joking about that. He wasn't though, he was serious. He was also upset that Dominic was joking that he could get 20 years in jail. Howard said that he wasn't joking about that either. Melrose was very upset about all of this. Howard said that if this is Ken's character witness, he's fucked. Melrose said that he's been friends with Ken for a long time and they talk on the phone often and he's never said anything about this type of thing before.
Howard said that when he came back from the gym on Saturday Beth told him about the good news. He said that she was praying at the time she got the call about the dog being brought back. He showed the guys some pictures of the happy reunion. Artie said that this didn't effect his weekend at all.
Artie asked Howard if this gives him any new thoughts on religion now that the dog is back. Howard said that he thought that St. Anthony had a racket going on where he was stealing stuff and returning it when people prayed. He said now he kind of believes that the praying works. He said that this St. Anthony is a great guy and he might have to become Catholic now.
Howard said that Beth used to go to church every weekend before she met him. He said she stopped doing that and now only goes once in a while. He said that she used to go out and help a blind woman and do really nice things for people. He said that she went to church for Easter and said that she had to go because of the St. Anthony thing. He asked her if she had to go because she felt guilty like St. Anthony was going to abandon her or something. She said she was just going and asked him not to ask her about it.
Howard and Robin asked Artie about going to church but of course he didn't go on Sunday. Howard said Beth went and told him about some of the stuff going on there. They had an old woman there singing and she blamed her horrible singing on the organ player screwing up. Beth told him some funny stories about that. Howard said that they ended it with this song and played an old Hank the Dwarf performance.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the praying for the dog thing. He said that he can't believe that they're doing that for a dog. Howard said that he wasn't the one doing it, it was Beth and it was the right thing to do. He said that they have to be kidding with that. Howard said that Beth is such a nice person that she'd help anyone.
The guy suggested that they focus on people instead of a dog. Howard said they do focus on people and the dog was owned by people. Howard said that at least he does stuff like that while this guy on the phone isn't helping anyone. The guy said he was sick this weekend, he couldn't help anyone.
Howard read some mail about his Arlen Specter interview. People seemed to be impressed with that. He had a few who said that they don't like the guy but kind of liked him after the interview. He read through a bunch of e-mails about that interview and most of them were positive.
Artie asked Howard how he feels about the merger after that interview with Specter. Howard said he's not sure but it's looking embarrassing for the FCC and the Department of Justice who can't make a decision on this. Robin said that they're the only ones watching though.
Howard read some mail about Ralph. People are still complaining about how often he calls in. Howard said he really doesn't think Ralph is that bad on the show.
Howard said he got a lot of anti-dog e-mail after that whole thing happened last week. He said that one guy told him to take that dog and shove it up his ass if they did find it.
Howard read one about how his therapy isn't working and he should up it to 5 days a week. He wasn't sure what the guy was referring to though.
Robin asked if Howard had gone out to dinner at a restaurant that started with an S. It turns out he had gone to this place Scalinatela and this friend of Robin's had seen him there. Howard said that he saw that woman and she was a really hot looking brunette. Robin said that's her nutritionist. She said that she really is a beautiful woman. Howard said he watched everything she ate and kept an eye on her the whole time.
Howard said that he and Beth were talking about how beautiful she was. He said that he asked Beth if she was mismatched with her and she said they weren't a mismatch because the guy was good looking too. Howard said that every guy hates to see a guy with a woman that hot so they don't think that they're all that good looking.
Howard said that the woman and her husband had ordered ice cream for desert but she didn't eat any of it. She was definitely a vegan. Robin said that she cracked her up because she was the one telling her that she was watching Howard at he restaurant. Meanwhile Howard was watching her.
Howard said that he was all skeeved out by the woman's phone because he didn't know the woman. He said he got annoyed that he even took the call from him. He said that he was pissed at himself for not thinking clearly during that moment. He said he didn't know if the woman worked there or something so he was trying to be nice.
Howard said that he didn't want to hear from Nick but Nick didn't have anything to say anyway. He said that this is the guy who says ''Droppin Loads'' in his porn movies. He said he wasn't inviting him to an orgy or anything.
Robin said that Nick has written a book and he wants him to write the forward to the book. She already spoke to him about that and told him ''no'' for Howard. Howard said she was right, he's not going to write something like that. Artie figured that was out of the question for his book then. Howard said that he actually would do it for Artie.
Howard said that this movie ''Stop Loss'' was really good. He told Robin and Artie about the movie and what it was like. He said that it was really good and he's not just saying that. He said that the woman who directed it was the same woman who directed ''Girls Don't Cry'' and she's a great director.
Howard read some mail about Ryan's interview last week. He read through a bunch of that stuff and some mail about Kid Rock's interview.
someone wrote in about the music that Fred plays behind Eric the Midget when he calls in. Fred said that it's the theme music from Dr. Who, an old British TV show. Howard had him play that song. He threw in the ''Ack, Ack'' sound clip too. That comes from the movie ''Mars Attacks.'' Fred played the music and the ''Ack, Ack'' to make up a new song as Howard stayed quiet.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using Eric the Midget audio clips. Howard also played an Eric the Midget song parody with more of his audio clips. Howard played a prank call the guys made to Gary the Retard using Eric clips. They had Gary yelling at the Eric clips.
Howard asked the guys who they would rather be, Gary the Retard or Eric the Midget. He asked Robin what she would say. She said she had never thought about that before. She said she'd have to pick Gary because he seems to be oblivious to all of his disabilities. Artie picked Gary, Fred picked the midget. He said that at least he has some intellect. He thinks that Eric could get a hot chick if he could just get over himself.
Howard said that he was having a hard time picking between the two. He went through the pros and cons for the two and chose to be Gary the Retard over Eric the Midget. He said that Eric is kind of caught in that body while Gary can at least move around and can be attracted to just about anyone.
Howard played the ''Shu, shu retarded flu'' call to Gary the Retard. Sal and Richard made that one years ago. They had Gary thinking that he could get the flu over the phone and had him yelling out ''Shu, shu retarded flu'' to Richard who was playing the part of The Flu. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played a new song parody called ''Walk Like a Tarkzitian'' which was to the tune of ''Walk Like an Egyptian.'' Howard asked the guys what they thought about that. Robin and Artie both liked it. Howard said that was another Dan the Song Parody Man song.
Howard played Sal the Stockbroker's song parody about Robin that was also to the tune of ''I Want To Rock.'' That led to the guys talking about the words Sal was using in that song and how they're not very widely known words for her vagina. They made fun of him about that and Artie said that the song really wasn't at the level of a comedy writer. He said it was even gross sounding. Artie said that he thinks that 98 percent of the audience is able to write on a level like that.
Lisa said they'll have more about Gary's big induction ceremony at the Friar's club. That was going on this weekend. She said that he was probably the youngest guy there by at least 50 years and he and Jackie were probably the only non-Jews there.
Gary came in and said that they inducted about 8 people and he was the only one who was in show business. He said that some comedian got up and started making jokes about him. He said that it's now just another place where they're going to goof on him. He told a joke about his teeth lighting up the place and it didn't even make any sense. Artie said that guy, Stewie Stone, gets the first spot on all of the roasts.
Lisa said that Stewie Stone also extended an invitation to Artie to come out and see Frankie Valli at some event he's opening up for him at. Howard said that Artie doesn't want that. He answered for him.
Gary said that Jackie was there at the club with a woman who looked a lot younger than him. They spent a minute on that.
Lisa said that People Magazine had asked Howard about the upcoming wedding and he told them that they were going to have a small get together in the city. Howard told her that he's just telling them that to throw them off a bit.
Howard said that he told Dave that the best thing for him would be to get back on the tour and that's what he's done now. Dave told Howard that he ran into the fat pig Britney Spears out on the road. He told some jokes about that.
Dave said that he heard that Robin is getting laid now and talked to her boyfriend Jim Florentine about eating her out and he loves that Coffee Enema smell that comes from down there.
Howard said that Dave seems to be back after that whole radio thing didn't work out. Dave said that one door closes and another opens. He told Robin that if her door ever opens she should let him know.
Dave said that he heard that Artie went to KFC the other day and when they asked him about what size bucket he wanted, he said ''the one on the roof.'' Artie and Dave shot back and forth with a couple of jokes during that discussion.
Howard told Dave it was terrific to see him. Dave went on to talk about how the tour is going. He told them some stuff that didn't make any sense, just like the real David Lee Roth.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what happened at the last day at K-Rock. Dave said that he had a great time over there but now he has nowhere to put his palm trees and his uncle Manny has no one to talk to. Dave talked about Tom Chiusano a little bit. He also talked about the wigs he bought for going out on tour with Van Halen. He said that things are very good for him right now. He said he's just glad that he's not the singer for Ratt.
Dave said he likes working with Wolfgang Van Halen. He thought it was a bad idea at first because fathers and sons are just supposed to be plumbers together. He let out a couple of David Lee Roth screams so Howard told him he really liked those and wanted to hear more. Billy... er, uh, Dave said let out a few more of those.
Dave told Howard that people used to ask him about what 5150 meant and he said that it was actually the number of times he wanted to punch Eddie in the fuckin' face. Howard told Dave that he's an amazing entertainer. Robin said that he used to take his shirt off on stage but not anymore. Dave said that no one wants to see him running around at 50 with his shirt off so he wears a jacket all the time. He said that he used to make the style back in the 80s, now he has to keep up with the style.
Howard said that Dave is a big fan of Billy Mira's so he gave him some plugs for the appearances that he's going to be making soon. He's going to be at a club in Hoboken soon. Howard said you can find out more about Billy at BillyMiraComedy.com.
A caller asked Dave if he wanted to go back to being a paramedic since he's burning all of his bridges this morning. Another caller said he saw Artie out at a show over the weekend. He asked about the hot broad he was with out there. Artie said that there were hot broads all over the place there. The caller said that he got back stage and Artie was all over this chick and she left with him. Artie said that she's just a friend of his. The caller said that she's an ''L.A. 9.'' Artie said that she's just a friend and seemed to want to drop the subject.
Artie said that it seems like it's something it's not. He was just hanging out with a friend. Robin said that he seems to have a lot of friends all of a sudden. Artie said that girls love him for emotional advice. He laughed after saying that.
Artie said that there really wasn't anything going on there. He said that the girl is a 10 in his opinion and there's no way that she'd be with him. The caller said that he was talking to JD about what was going on and JD kind of said something about the chick. JD came in and said that nothing was going on there, he was just looking at everyone there because there was no security back stage. Everyone just came back after the show.
The caller said that Artie looked like he was really out of it after the show. Artie said he almost passed out that night from the humidity.
Howard said that Billy Mira had just walked in and was sitting next to David Lee Roth. He gave him some plugs for his upcoming comedy gig at this place in Hoboken. It's Danny's and owned by Danny Aiello. They spent a minute on that and Howard said that Ozzy Osbourne had just walked in. Billy did his Ozzy impression and then Howard said that Billy Crystal just walked in too. Billy did his Billy Crystal impression for a minute.
Billy said that he was on the show back in September and his wife gave birth to his son that day. That was it, the story didn't go anywhere. Howard asked where the punch line was. He said there wasn't one, he just wanted to tell the story.
Billy said his son is 6 months old now and his name is Dillon. Howard and Artie asked him where the name came from. Billy said that it was just a name his wife wanted to use.
Artie said that the guy who was in there recently, Jamie Thomas, was at his show down there in Miami. He said that he was getting a few laughs from what he was hearing. The caller said that he was bombing and the people were laughing whenever he screwed up. He said that he didn't want to be the asshole so he just bit his tongue and tried not to say anything to the guy.
Artie said that the audience seemed to be treating him pretty well. They weren't heckling him too bad. Howard asked Billy if it was like that for him when he was starting out. Billy said that it was really tough to start out and do open mic nights and stuff like that. He and Artie talked about how rough the business can be.
The caller said that Greg Fitzsimmons was great in the comedy show. Artie said that he's the best at doing stuff like that. Artie said that the place was in the round so it was a tough place to play. It was pouring rain and there were about 2000 people there. Artie said that he sweat like a stuffed pig there that night.
Howard wrapped up with Billy and David Lee Roth a short time later. He gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was fooled when he heard David Lee Roth wasn't really David Lee Roth. Another caller said that he was fooled as well. Howard spoke to those guys for a minute and then picked up on this woman Jessica who had called in last week about her missing bulldog Clara.
Jessica told Howard that she had some help through a volunteer organization who went out and passed out fliers to people and the next day they got a call about who had the dog. They met them, got the dog back and didn't even ask any questions. She said that they just wanted the dog back so they didn't bother asking why they had taken her.
Jessica said that she's never going to leave her dog tied up outside again and she will tell other people not to do that either. She said that the dog is fine even though she had a little diarrhea. Howard said that there are a lot of scumbags out there who will steal dogs. He said that there was another couple he knew who tied their dog up and someone took it because she thought it was animal abuse. The dog ended up at a pound. Howard spent another few seconds with Jessica and let her go. She thanked a couple of people for the help before she left.
Howard said he had some audio from the Wrap Up Show from last Thursday. He said that High Pitch Mike and Artie were fighting again and Mike ended up throwing his headphones across the room and walked out of the studio. Howard played a clip where Artie said something about Mike and the gay jokes he tells about him. Mike said he was done fighting with Artie and Artie said he was done too but then told a joke about why he was going to call him a fag but he stopped himself. Mike was making some accusations about Artie thinking that the Matthew Sheppard story was a good one.
Howard played another clip where Artie and Mike were going at each other and Artie told him that the shit storm is still going to hit him after his sister comments. Mike brought up a some stuff about Artie that he didn't want to get into so Artie told him that's throwing someone else under the bus, not him. Mike ended up walking out a short time later.
Howard said that Artie and Mike seem to be in a genuine feud. Artie said that he was saying on that show that the people who killed Matthew Sheppard burn alive. He doesn't agree with gay bashing or killing gay people. He said that Mike wrote a really racist song about Robin so maybe he should be held responsible for hating black people.
Howard said he was reading the tabloids and saw that Oprah Winfrey was up to 247 pounds. He and the guys talked about that for a short time. Howard said that he read a story about Winona Ryder setting off some alarms at a store when she started to walk out with some stuff she didn't pay for. He said he really has to talk to her about that.
Howard mentioned the contest they have coming up for the Ugliest Guy with the Hottest Wife. He said that the contest is sponsored by AshleyMadison.com.
Robin said that she was reading about Owen Wilson and all of the chicks he's dating. He's supposed to be going out with Jennifer Aniston and some other girls. A few months ago he was suicidal and now he's banging every woman he can. Howard said that he's supposedly with Kate Hudson too.
Howard didn't think he could get it up for Jennifer Aniston. He read an article about Brad Pitt getting sick of her after just 6 weeks of marriage. He read that article and this guy was claiming that Brad was sick of her after 6 weeks and couldn't get past that stage in the marriage. Howard said that she looks like a huge pain in the ass to him.
Howard said he can see that Jennifer Aniston is very taken with herself and constantly moving that hair out of her eyes and stuff. Robin showed Howard some pictures of Kate Hudson and Jennifer Aniston's asses to find out whose looked better. Howard and Artie checked them out and both said that Kate had the better ass. There's an 11 year age difference there though. Artie said that 11 years can be a big difference.
Howard read that Carmen Electra finally found a new dude. It's some dude in the band KoRn. Howard said that's another disaster in the making but he wishes her luck finding love.
Robin said she's feeling bad for Heather Locklear who is apparently falling apart. Howard said that she used to be a really hot chick and now she's getting older and can't handle it.
Howard went to the phones and took a call from a guy who said that Jennifer Aniston looks great and wondered why he can't just want to dive into that ass of hers. Howard said that she just doesn't do anything for him. He said that he's a horny guy but Kate Hudson's ass looks better to him.
Howard played some audio of a coach doing a press conference and cursing while he was talking to the reporters. He went from being pretty calm to cursing about the bullshit game that they had just played. Howard had to go to break after that before bringing in Tracy Morgan.
Howard played the prank call the guys made using his audio clips. They had him making fun of this woman's cough. Tracy seemed to think that was pretty funny.
Howard asked Tracy about how his career seems to be on fire right now. Tracy said that this movie that he's in is kind of a spoof of super hero movies and he plays Professor Xavier in the X-Men spoof. Tracy said that there are a couple of movies that he beats off to and one of them is Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' (which he called Body Parts) when the Kielbasa queen is taking the kielbasa down her throat. He said that he loves that shit. He was saying that he loves gagging a woman with his penis. He said he likes to see mascara running.
Howard asked Tracy about how he didn't talk to his mother for many years. Tracy said that his mother had a lot of issues and had to raise a son with cerebral palsy. He said that she gave a lot of her attention to him and didn't pay attention to him as much as she could. He said he forgave her for that though and they're good now.
Howard said that Tracy had an epiphany while shooting a scene for a movie and figured he had to forgive her. Howard said that maybe the choking women thing comes from that hate for his mother. Tracy said that has nothing to do with it and he just likes the feel when his cock is in a woman's wet, warm mouth.
Tracy said that he also likes to beat off to Caligula and to the Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee home sex video. He said that he thinks that she's still out of his league though and didn't try to get her when they were doing the movie together.
Howard said that Tracy owns a $450,000 car and figured he had a lot of money. Tracy said he's making up fro what his father couldn't do. That's why he has a car like that.
Howard asked Tracy if he's ever paid for a hooker. He said he used to do that when he was in high school. He said that he'd do all kinds of crazy stuff with those girls. He said that he'd play with the butt hole and all of that stuff with those women.
Howard said the last time Tracy was there he was talking about how he was loving his sobriety. He said that he's been clean for a couple of months now. Last time he was wearing an ankle bracelet that would warn people if he was drinking. Howard said that he read a day later that he had gone out drinking the day after he was on the show. Tracy said that his bracelet is really sensitive and he's not drinking. He said he got his license back and hasn't been drinking.
Tracy said that he wants to be able to drive that $450,000 car. He said that one time he drove that Ferrari to his friend's house and when he came out there was a pair of panties on the car with some discharge in them. He said that he loves discharge, that's like the special sauce on a Big Mac.
Tracy was saying that he doesn't mess around with the younger women who don't know how to clean their stink box. He likes women who are his age, around 35.
Tracy said that his father had a huge dick and it was like a Louisville slugger down there. that's where he got his stuff from. He said that he has a baby arm in his pants and it should end up in the Smithsonian. He said he has about 9 inches and it's thick. He said that the girls aren't scared of it though. He said he can last about 15 minutes or so with a woman.
Howard said he knew a black guy when he was a kid and they shared a tent together at camp. Tracy was hoping that he wasn't going to hear a Brokeback Mountain type of story. Howard said that he and this guy used to talk about how long they could last and he was never able to hold out while the black guy was. Tracy told Howard to just slow down and take a breath when you think you're going to cum. Tracy said that he would beat his dick like it owed him money if he had to. Artie loved hearing that because he knows that Bob Levy is going to say that the joke was stolen from him. Tracy said that everyone knows that joke in the business.
Howard talked to Tracy about his marriage failing after 21 years. Tracy said that they're getting divorced because they just had to go their separate ways. He said that his son is 22 years old and his other kid is 16.
Tracy said that the only way Hillary Clinton could get his vote is if she had beaten Monica Lewinsky's ass. He said that she didn't do that and she's not going to get his vote. He said that Barack Obama's wife wouldn't put up with that shit.
Tracy said that he met Governor Spitzer and he was telling him that his wife wasn't giving him anything. That's why he was going to that whore. Tracy was also saying that if Barack Obama wins the Presidency, he's going to walk up to him and say ''What up nigga'' and he has to go to his after party because he's pretty sure that P. Diddy is going to be there.
Tracy said that he'd love to be with Hillary too and stink up the room having sex with her. Howard and Tracy spent a minute talking about her and how she let Bill slip with that Monica Lewinsky thing. He said that there's a reason they don't let women become president. He said that she'll have her period one day and push the button.
Howard asked Tracy if he's going to vote in the next election. He said that he probably would but he hasn't voted since he voted for David Dinkens. He said that guy fucked up after he voted for him and he hasn't voted since then.
Gary asked if Tracy was even allowed to vote. Tracy went off on him for saying that and called him a fuckin' prick and some other names. He said that he wouldn't be on ''30 Rock'' if he was a felon.
Tracy was going on and on talking about the size of his dick and how he used to go to a public pool and take a shit in it when he was a kid. He said he did that because it showed that he had power. He said that if he shit in the pool they had to shut it down and that was how he did it. Howard asked where else he has shit. He said he's done that on some women before. He said that he really has done that and the girls rub the shit into their titties. He said he would do that to the chick that Spitzer was with. He said he'd tell her he was going to fart on her but then he'd shit.
Tracy said that women love money and men love freedom. He said that he's never known a man who fucked a woman for a mink coat.
Robin said that she read that Tracy was at Caroline's recently and people booed him and walked out. Tracy said that wasn't true, that didn't happen.
Howard asked Tracy if he was faithful to his wife in that 21 years he was with his wife. Tracy said he had to think about that for a minute. He said that he never penetrated another woman when he was with his wife. Howard asked him how long it took after the divorce thing came up that he got laid. Tracy said that he had to go out on the road and work so he was getting lonely. He said that he's still single now though.
Howard asked Tracy about Pam Anderson and why he wasn't going after her. He said that he was letting all of the girls know that they were looking good on that set.
Howard gave Tracy some plugs for the new movie and then took some phone calls. Howard picked up a call but ended up talking to Tracy about some of the movies he's working on. He just did one with Ice Cube and has one coming up with Jessica Biel. That led to Tracy talking about this hot chick he met on a flight a couple of months ago. He said that he went to the bathroom and beat his dick in there before she went and shot his load on the door handle. He said that the hot chick on the flight had to touch it to get out of there.
Howard asked Tracy what stars he's fucked. Tracy joked that he had been with Sigorney Weaver. He said that she really turned him on in ''Alien.'' Howard wanted a real answer so he asked who he's had. He said that he had an A-list celebrity that he banged but he didn't say who it was. He said that she rode his dick and said it felt like it was in her stomach.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he's the shit. He asked if he's had more than one girl at the same time. Tracy said that he had 5 in his hotel room in Vegas one time. They were hookers though. He said that you only live once.
Howard took some more calls for Tracy. One guy asked him about the pizza commercials he does and if he was paid in cash or pizza. Tracy said that he gets money for that. He said he's got a great management team that takes care of him. He said he's got a couple of million saved up. Howard figured that his wife was going to come after him for that. He said that she's still his partner and she's still giving him advice on how to do stuff.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that Tracy is radio gold. He asked him what the craziest stuff is that he's done with chicks, other than shitting on a chick. Tracy said that he gave a chick a Dirty Sanchez one time.
Howard asked Tracy if he wants more kids. He said that he does and the world would be a better place with more Tracy Morgan's out there. He said that he may slow down and have more kids with the right woman. He said that the woman has to be the right one though. Howard said he thought that his marriage is going to last forever. Tracy said that she's not going anywhere and he was just with her last night. She was making him a meal and stuff like that.
Howard asked Tracy if he could ever marry a woman who he'd shit on. He said he could never do that. He'd get as far away from them as possible. He said he'd never be with a chick who had shit all over her.
Howard asked Tracy about the 10,000 pair of sneakers he has. Tracy said that he spends his money on sneakers, cars, porno and CDs. That's the kind of stuff he likes to buy. He wears his sneakers once and keeps them. He said the sneakers he had on today he'd never wear again. Howard said that sounds like some crazy shit to him. He's got 6500 pair on the East Coast and the other 4500 are on the West Coast.
Tracy said that he won't even get to go to the premiere for the new movie he's got out. He said that he'll be busy working on ''30 Rock'' and getting that money.
Howard asked Tracy about the new black governor they have there in New York. Tracy said they have to wait and see how he does. He said that he doesn't care what color the guy is as long as he's doing his job.
Tracy was talking about how great it is to go out with ghetto chicks. He said that if you take a ghetto chick out to Red Lobster, you're like a king. He said that the pussy tastes even better after a chick has eaten some king crab legs from Red Lobster.
Tracy said that he was just kidding about the shitting on the women thing. He said he had to say that as a disclaimer. He really didn't do that and doesn't want people thinking he did.
Tracy said that he's writing a book with this guy Anthony Boza. That's the same guy that's working with Artie. Artie said he thought he was just writing his book, he didn't know he was writing Tracy's at the same time. Tracy said that he's got a lot of fucked up stories to tell in his book. He said that he was exposed to a lot of shit when he was a kid that he shouldn't have been exposed to.
Tracy talked about how he's chosen to give his wife $21,000 a month. He said that he's making about a million a month so it's not that big of a deal to him. He said that Paul McCartney probably doesn't care that much about the kind of money he's giving his ex-wife.
Howard asked Tracy if he's going to freak out when he finds out his wife has been with another man. He said he will. She's still fucking him though so he's not too worried yet. He said that she makes him wear a condom though. He was telling Howard that he was banging this chick the other day and she said she was on her period. He said he told her that he has no problem with that, he'll run a red light once in a while.
Tracy said that he has to pop some blue pills to get up his dick sometimes. Howard said that he's never had to do that. Tracy told him that's because he's crazy. He went on to say that he doesn't want his wife giving it up to any other man, ever, even if he dies. He said that she might have given him up but he's not giving her up.
Tracy said that he's really staying sober and not smoking weed or anything like that. He said he used to get high when he was younger but not anymore. He said that he's 39 years old now and doesn't do that shit. Tracy said that he's going to be at Caroline's next month and wanted him to come out and see him. He'll be there on the 10th. Howard wrapped up with Tracy a short time later. They got in some plugs for the new movie and went to break.
Howard played the clip where the reporter talks about how she was claiming she was going to give all of the money from her Dancing with the Stars appearance but they're saying she only gave half of it. They had a guy confirming the story.
Howard said that's pretty fucked up not to give the money you promise to the charity. He said that she could have just said she wasn't going to give her money away.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Tracy was her all time favorite guest. Howard took another call after that and another guy said that Tracy was a great interview. Another guy said that he sucked. Howard said that he was the only guy who was saying that. The guy said he was falling asleep during that interview. Artie said that was an odd reaction to that interview.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Lisa G is putting out a lot of energy doing her stories and he's kind of dismissing her. Howard said that he just wanted to wait for the show on Monday instead of reporting it on the Howard 100 News. Howard said that the caller was nagging him as if he was his wife or something. He ended up hanging up on the guy. Howard said that people love to yammer without making any sense.
Artie said that he agrees because he actually likes American Idol. If he was watching it because Beth wanted to watch it, then he'd be whipped. Howard said that this is kind of like Sal goofing on Gary about his marriage when it's really Sal who ends up with major problems in his marriage.
Steve said that they have more on Girls Night Out and how Siobhan wants to join the charity. Robin started laughing hysterically when she heard that. Howard asked if Siobhan wasn't good enough. Robin said that she knows nothing about the group or what it represents, that's why she's laughing.
Steve said that they have a story about Ryan Seacrest and some reports about him that have come out lately. There was an article by Tom Shales about how he's anti-entertaining and he's really just trying to be tolerable. Howard said that he could never stomach being so milk-toast and never saying anything outrageous. He said that's what the guy seems to be trying to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jim Florentine seems to be whipped. Robin just laughed. The guys talked about how Jim hasn't been farting for the past 7 months, that's how whipped he is.
Steve said that it was 14 years ago this week that Howard started his run for Governor of New York. That led to Howard taking out his book where he writes down stuff in his calendar. He turned to March 5th and showed Artie the note he has in there that says ''2001 Jackie Leaves Show'' and it comes up every year in his planner. He said he does a jig every time that comes up in there. He said that he couldn't take it before he left and he was happy when he finally did. He said he likes the guy and his wife Nancy personally but the two of them he couldn't take.
Robin said that they've done 3 shows about the people who have left the show. They did Billy West, Jackie and Stuttering John. She said that some people think there's a common denominator there but there really isn't. She said that Jackie is on another level and just crazy.
Howard mentioned that they have a new Howard TV game show coming up. They have a bowling show that they're going to be doing but they don't even have a name for it yet. He said he'll announce more as the details are revealed.
Jon Hein came in to give his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about the Tracy Morgan interview, Billy Mira's visit and everything else that happened on the show today.
The guys spent quite a bit of time talking about the Jackson family story. Howard figured that hey could hire one of the Jacksons to work with JD or maybe be Artie's assistant or something. Howard asked if he was thinking of getting rid of Teddy. Artie said that he was thinking of a second assistant or something like that. Howard talked about his meeting with Michael Jackson that went down years ago. He said that Jackson was looking for some press and they talked about doing a pay-per-view special or something like that. Jackson ended up going with Diane Sawyer instead of Howard. Howard didn't think that did him any good, it may have made things worse.
Robin asked the guys what kind of behavior they'd consider being a sin. That got the guys talking about hurting kids and your spouse, lying, cheating, stealing. Robin asked if Adultery was a sin. Howard said that he would consider that a sin too. Artie said that he thinks anything sexual could be looked at as not being a sin, unless you're lying about it. Howard said that it's all a sin. He said that there are some people who don't believe that anything is a sin because that's what god put into you.
Robin said that some people think that racism is a sin. There are others who think that drug taking and drinking alcohol are sins as well. Howard said that if you're just hurting yourself then it's not a sin. He said that a suicide isn't a sin because you're hurting yourself. He said it's sad but not a sin.
Howard said that he's as close to being god as anyone and he's telling them that suicide is not a sin. Fred disagreed. He said that you have no right to do that. Howard said that if you kill yourself it's not a sin. Fred said that you leave behind people who loved you and that's a sin right there. He and Howard argued about that for a short time. They also talked about abortions, homosexuality, watching pornography, swearing, sex before marriage, polluting the environment, smoking marijuana, getting drunk, not taking proper care of your body and other things that are considered sins by some people. Howard kept saying that as long as you're not hurting anyone else then they're not sins.
Artie said that he thinks that he has littered, while doing drugs and taking poor care of his body, all at the same time.
Howard said that one lucky listener gets to smell Jim Florentine's hand when he comes in tomorrow. Robin said that she was figuring that if their relationship is going to come to an end, it'll be after tomorrow. They talked about how it might go tomorrow when Jim comes in and spills the beans on what his relationship is like with Robin.
Robin read a story about Elliot Spitzer and how it was someone who turned him in when he found out that he was going to whores. That guy revealed that he kept his socks on when he had sex.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's got Jim Florentine whipped and he's going to be on his best behavior tomorrow. Another caller asked how long she's been training Jim for this moment. Robin said that Jim is the one who keeps bringing it up and she's not the one doing that. Howard said that Robin and Jim are going to get all uptight about it and they'll both be squirming.
Howard asked if Jim has asked her what he should say if they ask about stuff that he shouldn't talk about. Robin said they haven't discussed that kind of thing. Artie said that Jim and Robin have an open invite to his new shore house so he's hoping to find out more when they visit.
Robin read more about the Spitzer story and how he allegedly liked to watch other couples having sex. Then Hoard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Michael Jackson impression for them. He was talking real soft and acting very odd. Artie said that he pictures his father pulling pillows over his head trying to sleep while he's playing that music. Howard had hung up on Sour Shoes by that point. He was trying to talk to him but he couldn't hear him with the music playing.
Howard said that he wants to ask Robin and Jim what their first date was like but he has a feeling that's going to stump them. Robin said that she would talk about it and said that the first date wasn't all that great because she was on it. She wasn't taking him seriously and wouldn't let him pick her up and take her out. She had a car waiting for her outside and didn't think that he was going to take it serious. Howard figured that she had to make him prove himself. Robin said that's basically what it was like.
Howard asked Fred (as Jim) what the first kiss was like. He said he was punching her uvula like a punching bag with his tongue. Robin said that the first kiss wasn't all that great.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who was doing his Jim Florentine impression. He asked to see her colonics before the show tomorrow. Artie was grossed out by the way he just said ''colonics'' with that phlegm in his throat. Howard quickly hung up on him and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin said that the church has released some of the Reverend Wright audio clips so people can hear them in context. She had Howard play them and asked if he's changed his mind about what the guy has said now that he's heard them in context. The clip Howard played had Wright talking about how this country has been terrorizing people through its whole existence. Howard said that this was making him hate the guy even more.
Howard said they weren't doing this mother fucker any good by releasing these clips. He was quoting someone else according to Robin but Howard said the guy was way too into it. Howard said the guy is a disgrace and Barack Obama sat and listened to that shit for 20 years and didn't call him out on it so fuck Obama and fuck this Reverend Wright. He said that he's a racist mother fucker.
Robin argued with Howard saying that the guy was quoting some other guy and he didn't give it enough time to hear the whole thing. Howard said he'd let the other 58 seconds play then. He let some of it play but ended up going off on the guy again saying that he's really a crazy racist. He let it play out and the guy does say that he was quoting the words of a white man who had said all of that stuff that sounded so racist and anti-American.
Howard played some more audio of Reverend Wright talking about some other stuff. He was talking about governments failing and how the American government has failed its citizens. Howard said that he agrees that this country has its problems but he would never say god damn America like this Reverend Wright was saying. He said that this is showing how Barack Obama has poor judgment to stick by this guy for 20 years.
Robin said that in context she understands what the guy was saying. She said that he didn't give political sermons every day. He made a couple over the years and that's what they were hearing. Ralph called in a short time later but Robin was talking over him. Ralph said that she needs some solid food. He asked her what was going on with her the other morning when she was freaking out. Howard cut him off and said that it was enough of this and asked Robin to move on.
Scott DePace came in so Howard asked him what he thought about that speech. Scott said that the guy is an asshole and that guy should get kicked out of this country for saying what he did. Scott said that it's too late for Obama to distance himself from that guy. Artie asked Scott if he ever prayed to St. Anthony about his hair.
The guys went back and forth on the Reverend Wright thing for a few minutes. Artie said that it seems like Obama has the young people hypnotized or something. Jason came in and said that Howard sounds like he's out of his mind when he's talking about this Obama thing. He said that he obviously already made up his mind on the guy even before he found out anything about him. Robin said that Howard sounds like what their parents sounded like back in the 60s when the young people were against the Viet Nam war.
Robin moved on to some other news stories. She read one about Governor Bill Richardson giving his support to Barack Obama after supporting the Clinton's for so many years.
Robin quickly went through a couple more stories before wrapping up. She had one about how the ''Horton Hears a Who'' movie being number one this weekend. Howard didn't know what that was all about so Artie explained to him that it was a Dr. Seuss story. Howard said his parents never read to him so he wouldn't know about that. Robin said that her parents never read to her either. Artie said that his mother used to read to him.
Robin read a story about Easter eggs and how you can't leave them sitting out too long. Howard said that people must be fucking assholes if they don't know that they have to get rid of dairy products like that. Howard said that people are stupid if they think they can eat an egg that's been sitting out for a week. He said the egg's properties don't change just because they're Easter eggs.
Howard said that there are some people who like to show off that they know how to go to the bathroom, mostly kids, and he thinks that's what Gary was doing subconsciously. Howard said he has a fear of people walking in on him so bad that he checks and checks again to make sure the door is locked. He said that he thinks Gary wants to be seen when he's doing that. Gary said that he forgot to lock the door just one time in the past 2 years they've been there.
Scott came in and said that he just saw Gary for 2 seconds but it was very disturbing. Sal had his Gary mask on and he had his pants pulled down in the bathroom. The Howard TV guys zoomed in on the ass and freaked everyone out. Gary said that Sal is a guy who wants to be noticed.
Ralph called in and said that Gary shouldn't be shitting in that bathroom because it's right next to a room where 20 people are working. Gary didn't get a chance to answer him before Howard hung up and ended the show. They wrapped up around 11:05am.
Jon started the guys off talking about Tracy Morgan. Gary said that he didn't even know who he was about a year and a half ago. Then Craig Gass came in and did an impression of him and that led to them booking the guy for the show. The plot on the show is similar to what his real life is like. The guy is out of control and totally entertaining. He said that he can be who he wants to be on satellite radio and that's what's great about his interview. Gary said that he's not sure what they'd talk to him about on terrestrial radio.
Gary said that he's not sure what to think about some of the stuff that Tracy says on the show. He said that he seems to be doing an act but he's really not sure when he's talking about shitting in a pool and things like that.
Jon played a clip where Gary had asked Tracy about being able to vote and Tracy went off on him about that stupid question. After the clip Gary said he didn't regret asking that question at all. He said he couldn't stop laughing when he heard his answer.
Jon went to the phones and one guy said that he loved Tracy Morgan interview and wondered why Gary asked that question. Gary said he thought that if you were convicted of a crime that you can't vote. He said that Tracy has had some trouble with the law so that's why he was asking. Last time he was on the show he was wearing an ankle bracelet so that's what he was going on.
The caller also said that he likes the show without Sal and Richard on the show. Gary said he disagrees with that. That led to the guys talking about Sal showing his ass a few minutes ago and how gross that was. Gary said that Artie was talking about how Sal's song parody earlier in the morning really wasn't all that great and how 90 percent of the audience could write stuff like that. He said that he sees another CD case flying toward Sal's head.
Jon asked Teddy why he cut off all of his hair. Teddy said that he was going down to Miami over the weekend so that's why he did it. Then it rained the whole time he was there so he stayed inside most of the time.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thought that Tracy Morgan was just Billy Mira fucking around again. Gary said that's what's great about Tracy because he's so out of his mind.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about Tracy and how out of his mind he was. One caller said that he was going too far with some of the stuff he was saying. He said that he was way over the top with some of that stuff. Gary said that they really like him as a guest.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he was a riot. He said he loved him as a guest. He said that he'd like to see his TV show but he's a truck driver and doesn't get to watch TV that much. Gary said that he'd like to see his stand-up act to see what he does in that.
Ralph called in and said that he didn't think that Tracy was that good. He said he was okay for about 10 minutes but there was too much yelling and it wasn't clear if he was telling the truth or not. He said that it seemed like he was hopped up on an 8-ball or something. Gary said that he did hear Tracy interrupting Howard a bit but he had some funny stories to tell. Ralph agreed that there were some funny moments but overall it wasn't all that great.
Ralph also talked to Gary about shitting in the bathroom near the Howard TV guys and how they don't deserve having to smell shit there. Gary said that it was an emergency and he doesn't do that often. He said that he has to stay near the studio just in case something happens on the show that he's needed for.
A woman called in and told the guys how much she hates Ralph when he calls in. Gary told her that every show needs a villain. She agreed with that. She said that she loved Tracy Morgan. Jon thanked her for that call and went to Syrus but his phone connection was really bad so they had to let him go.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Robin. He said that she's showing her true black roots and he thinks that maybe she was sent in to infiltrate White America. The guys thanked him and quickly moved on. Another caller said that they could take any 30 seconds from that Tracy Morgan interview and blow away anything that Ralph has ever done on the show.
Gary said that he liked the frantic pace of the Tracy interview. He said that's what was making him laugh so much. Gary said that he got an e-mail during the show from someone who brought up how Artie was asking about the ''beat my dick like it owes me money'' joke that Tracy told. The writer told him that Levy claims to have written the joke but it's been around since the 50s.
Another caller said that he liked the Tracy Morgan interview but his stories were very inconsistent. That guy also complained about Ralph calling in too much on the Wrap Up Show. He wants less of him on the show. Gary said that he has too many good things to talk about so they're not going to stop that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon moved the guys on to talk about Billy Mira's visit today as David Lee Roth. Gary said that he knows that it's Billy when he's on because he's actually able to sing. He said that his impersonations are very good. He said that Fred used to get very animated when he would do his impressions and Billy has that same kind of thing going on.
Jon played a clip of Billy doing his Ozzy Osbourne and Billy Crystal impressions during the David Lee Roth thing.
Jon came back after that and took a call from this guy who calls him self Captain Cat Fucker. He was saying that he was in the middle of taking a shit. He didn't know that it was Billy doing an impression of David Lee Roth. He also asked what happened to the Win Jon Hein's Money thing last week. Gary said that the guy who was supposed to do it crapped out so they're going to be doing it next week. Captain Cat Fucker said he'd play and offered to eat his toenails. Gary and Jon turned down that offer.
Another caller asked about Tracy Morgan and what they think about ''30 Rock'' and the way he acts on that show. The guys think that the show is based on his life and they may have very similar story lines to his life. The caller also asked about the size of his posse. Gary said that he really doesn't have a big posse at all.
A caller said that he thinks that Tracy is crazy. He said that they have to cut this Mastertape Theatre stuff out. He said that the shit is like 10-15 years old and he doesn't want to hear that. He suggested that they give Sal and Richard an hour long show and maybe do a Friday show for the other 3 hours. He said that nobody listens to that crap. Gary told him to address all of that to Tim Sabean who is the program director there.
Gary told the guy that if they gave Sal and Richard an hour people would probably get tired of their stuff over and over again. The caller said that's why they only give them an hour. Jon said that they'd pass this along to Tim Sabean since they know he's listening.
Gary said that maybe Artie was upset with Sal about measuring his waist and that's why he went off on him. Sal showed up and said that he thought it was a little odd. He said that everyone was laughing, even Howard, and he's not sure where that came from. He said that he kind of minds because he respects Artie and his comedic talent but he doesn't want to get into another fight over that stuff.
Jon asked Sal what Richard does when he hears that stuff. Sal said he thinks he gets upset too but they put in a lot of work into that stuff. He said that if Howard liked it he's fine. He said he respects Artie's opinion too but he just didn't like that one song.
Gary said that he thought it was kind of weird too. He was laughing at the song and wasn't sure why Artie was going off on him like that. Richard came in and said that everyone doesn't like everything on the show. He said that he and Sal are always in the back making each other laugh back in their office and that's what they care about.
Sal said that he and Artie have been getting along really well lately and this kind of came out of nowhere. He said that when everyone is laughing and Artie goes off on him like that it's very strange. He said he was going off on him for using his Italian slang the way he did. Sal claims that Howard has been using that word ''Pukiak'' since he started listening to him. Gary said he couldn't back him up on that. He thought that today was the first day he ever heard the word on the show.
Richard said that the show is hard to read sometimes. He said they can't tell if they're laughing because it's funny or because the bit is so bad that it's funny. He said that as long as it's not dead silence they're fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Sal and Richard are funny but he thinks that Artie just hates both of them. He said that he doesn't know the real Artie but he gets the feeling that he's a blue collar guy who just doesn't like the type of guys Sal and Richard are.
Sal said that he thinks that maybe it was him making fun of Artie's 55 inch waist size that led to that insult. He really wasn't sure.
Gary asked Sal what he thinks Artie would say if he asked him off the air what he thinks about their comedy. Sal said that he's pretty sure that he'd say he doesn't like it and that they're very green. Sal said that they really don't think about this stuff that much though. They weren't in the office talking about what he had said, they didn't even hear it.
Richard said that they have this friend, Mike Bocchetti, who makes them laugh like crazy. They think that he's even more funny than the pros out there but he's just an up and coming comedian right now and not all that big. Richard said that he's still working on his act and was just out the other night doing his material in front of about 10 people. He said the audience was mostly college girls and it went over okay.
Jon took a call from a guy who complained about the way the guys goof on Artie's weight and how it must really get to him. Gary said that they all get goofed on though. The caller said that Artie might take it more personal than the rest of the guys. He said that the weight has to really bother him while Robin's coffee enemas might not really bother her that much.
The caller told Sal and Richard that he loves their stuff and really appreciates them. He said that if they just left Artie alone about his weight for a month he'd be a much nicer person.
Another caller said he thinks that it was Artie getting back at Sal for some stuff he said about him on the roast. He said that he gets very defensive about his family and that's why he's hated him ever since then. Gary said that Artie did kind of allude to that family thing on the show last week. Maybe he does think about that sister joke he made during the roast and that's what he's holding against him. Sal said that he thinks that Artie is a good guy and they've been getting along lately and he's fine with all of this stuff. He said that he did seem to go a little overboard to make a point though.
Another caller said that Artie has gone overboard kissing Sal and Richard's ass on bits they've done lately. He said that he feels the opposite on this stuff that happened today. He said that it almost seems that it's not very genuine when he says that stuff and maybe that's what he's putting on. He asked if they see that themselves. Richard said he doesn't think Artie would say something he didn't mean like that. They had to wrap up the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking to Artie about the Department of Justice approving the merger for XM and Sirius. Artie said he knew about it which seemed to surprise Howard. Artie was saying that he got a new bookie and he made some money the other day. This guy paid him the money he was owed, unlike the other guy. Howard said that Artie won 78,000 bucks and the other bookie didn't pay him. You'd think that he'd learn his lesson after that. He thinks that Artie needs to work on that gambling thing.
Howard got back to the merger thing and said that this is very exciting news. He said that they still have to wait for FCC approval but this is a good first step. Robin said that they're talking about the development of the technology and how that's not going to hurt the consumer and she thinks that they don't know what they're talking about. She said that they're giving them a bunch of bullshit. Howard shushed her and said that they should just be happy that they got this far.
Howard said he's hoping that the FCC doesn't take 13 months to come through with a decision. He said that this is still an emerging technology and the companies are still bleeding money and they need to merge to survive. He said that the NAB is asking for part of the spectrum for free and they claim that they're being hurt by all of this. It's like wolves pulling at the carcass.
Howard said that he got a phone call yesterday from Tim Sabean who heard about the merger. He was the first one to get through to him about it. He was very pleased with the news and that there was finally some movement with it. He said that people were saying that it wasn't going to go through and he wondered why that would be. He doesn't know what the problem would be. it's not a monopoly at all and that's what he's been saying for a while now.
Howard said that the question really was if it was a monopoly. He said that the merger has only been approved by the DOJ and not by the FCC yet so they're not through it yet. He talked about some of the other mergers that they've been through like when CBS and Infinity merged. He said he didn't feel that he was part of that one that much back then.
Howard said that it was a big deal for him to leave terrestrial radio to move to satellite. He said he believes in the technology and they went from 600,000 subscribers when he signed on to 8 million in just a few years. Now if they merge they'll have about 16 million. He said that they'll have a great variety of programming if the merger goes through.
Howard said he spoke to someone who owns XM because he's very excited about how he might be able to get all of this great programming, including Howard Stern, in one service.
Robin said some people were complaining about how this was going to cost the consumers more money in the long run but they don't have to pay for the service at all if they don't want it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when they're going to be able to listen to some baseball. Howard said that the FCC still has to approve it. They have to wait for that to come through before that will happen. Howard and the caller talked about how they'll be able to weed out the stuff that's similar on the two services and make it all one big one. He said that it's being delayed but they have a lot of work to do to make it all happen once it's approved.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how long they think the FCC will take to make a decision. Howard said he figured that it would have been done by now. They're just taking their time and taking too long. Howard said that the only good thing is that they can't claim that this was rushed through and they made a decision too fast. He said that they spent less time on the Warren Commission than they did on this merger thing. Howard said that this is a good first step so he's happy about that.
Another caller asked about when the merger is going to go through so Howard and Robin asked if he was listening. He told the guy he really doesn't know.
The caller asked if Jim is coming in because there are wedding bells in the future. Howard asked Robin if she would say yes to him if he asked today. Robin said she would not. He asked her if she's in love. She said that she's not answering his questions. She said that she's not answering these questions for him.
Howard asked Robin when she's going to admit that she's got a relationship with this guy and just admit she's in love. He wondered what this is all about.
Howard said he was listening to some of Jim's stand-up act and he talks about his girlfriend in the act. He played some clips of Jim talking about his girlfriend being on her period and how he tells her that her mouth isn't bleeding. He said that it will be in a few minutes if she doesn't do something for him. He also talks about how he had his girlfriend lick his ass one time and how great that was.
Howard asked Robin if she and Mr. X were in love at some point. She said ''sure'' to that but she didn't want to speak for Mr. X. She didn't know how to answer his questions about love and what it means to her. Howard said that she has to have an answer for that stuff but she said that she really doesn't. Howard said that he could probably press her and make her say that having a feeling of revulsion for someone would mean that she wasn't in love.
Fred went into his Jim impression and told Howard what love meant to him. He was talking about all of the stuff that Robin has taught him to love like the movies that she loves and things like that. They played Foreigner's ''I Wanna Know What Love Is'' as they were talking about all of that.
Robin asked Howard what love is to him. Howard explained how love is feeling that you want to live your live with a person and you can't live without them. He said that you also adore the other person. Robin said that after hearing his explanation she knows that it can't happen for her with anyone.
Howard said that he's been cutting his portions down a lot lately. He said he has to cut back on the sauce he gets with the Chinese food he gets. He said that he's not farting as much as he used to and he's not dumping every day. He said that he was just eating too much food.
Howard said that Sal found an album on the internet of a band that sings about shitting in every song. Sal came in and said that these guys sent in their CD and that's how they got it. They're obsessed with taking shits. Howard played some clips from the album and all they sing about is shitting. He played one called Double Flusher, one called ''Yesterday's Meal'' and others. Robin said that this was horrible. Howard said it was like what The Who did with Tommy. It's like a Rock Opera. The name of the band was The Seething Fuckpatties.
Howard played a new song from Richard called ''Black Snatch Fever'' to the tune of Cat Scratch Fever. Robin said that she loves how he crowbars some of those lyrics in there.
Howard played some more of Jim's stand-up act. He was talking about how he'd like to be able to just go out and hang out without the trick questions in relationships. Howard said that Robin must love that stuff. He said that he doesn't like what he had to say about Robin's period and hitting her. He said that's just not right. He said he's going to have to talk to Jim about that.
Howard asked Artie where he was when he heard. Artie said that he was at the corner of 49th and 6th this morning when he found out about it. He said that he was listening to the CBS news on the way in and they were talking about it too. He said he's not sure if he should be happy yet or not.
Howard said that a guy told him he heard about the merger and congratulated him on the 5 billion dollar merger like he had just gotten 5 billion dollars himself. Robin said that one guy thought the Supreme Court had approved the merger. People really have no idea what's going on.
Howard read through some of the feedback he got about Tracy. He had a few positive ones and some negative ones about how unfunny he was. There were more positive e-mails than negative ones. He quickly read through a bunch of those. People were asking for them to bring him back soon.
Howard said that he thinks that some of what Tracy does is a put on because he was calm after the interview and just shook his hand and left when he was done.
Howard got some feedback about Ralph and a couple of people were actually supporters of his. He said that there are some people out there who like him.
Howard got a lot of negative e-mail about Clara the bulldog. Some people were complaining about how people are dying every day on the streets but he doesn't give a shit about them, just about the dog. One guy went off on him about the dog thing and said he hopes that Howard gets a divorce and loses all of his money. He read a few more of those e-mails where people went off on him about that. He said that he can still feel bad for a dog while all of this other stuff is going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who pointed out that all we get if this merger goes through is Opie and Anthony. Howard said that they also get baseball. He said that the best thing is that they'll be able to be in every car now and they'll pick up anything that's good over on XM. They'll get Oprah and Ellen Degeneres. He said with programming like that it should really put them over the top. He said that with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Richard said that Sheik was playing with his penis and then shakes the hand of another wrestler after doing that. Howard said that the video is great and Artie would probably love it. He said that he wasn't able to pull his pants up and his ass was sticking out. He said that another guy shows his ass too and it looked like he hadn't wiped himself completely.
Artie asked what Sal touched yesterday after he touched his ass. The guys talked about how disturbing that looked when he did that. He had a big hemorrhoid and the guys didn't know that until yesterday. Howard talked about the biggest hemorrhoid contest they held when they were at K-Rock. He said that they aired it on E! and he's pretty sure they've aired it uncensored on Howard TV.
Sal came in and said that he's had two operations for his hemorrhoids already and they just keep coming back. Howard told him that he's pushing too hard and probably wiping too many times. Richard said that he thinks that Sal reading the newspaper is what's doing that too. Howard told him not to read. Sal said that it takes him at least 15 minutes to go so he has to read. Howard told him that he shouldn't be sitting on the toilet so long.
The guys showed video of Sal's hemorrhoids from yesterday's show. Sal said that he didn't know about how bad they were. He said that they slice out the roids when he gets operated on and it's like getting a tooth pulled out of your ass. They put you on vikodin after the operation.
Artie said that he's never had anything like that. HE's never even had a cavity. He said that's pure luck for him. Howard said that he had a whole rethink on his ass when he was younger and he hasn't had any problems since then. He said that he was never taught how to wipe correctly and things like that when he was a kid. He used to dig at his asshole all the time and started to dig himself a new one. His mother never questioned why he was scratching his hole and making holes in his underwear.
Doug Goodstein came in so Howard asked him about that. Doug said that they have a few Penthouse girls coming in to bowl too and they're still interviewing a bunch for the show. He said that he's the one doing the interviewing of the girls for this new show. Howard said that he should make time to interview with them too.
Howard looked at some pictures of the girls that they had lined up. Doug didn't have the names of all of the girls with him. Howard showed one of the girls to Artie and he was saying that she's like a real top model.
Doug said that the girls will be wearing stiletto bowling shoes. He said they found one company that actually makes them. Howard showed Artie some more of the girls and said that they have picked out some hot girls.
Howard said that this is strictly bowling. They were still trying to come up with a name for the game. Doug said that they shouldn't announce it on the air because they'd have to check the trademarks and stuff like that.
Howard said that Artie should be allowed to go do the picking of the girls. Doug said they're actually doing another pick today and he can come down with them. Howard said that they should call the show ''Jerking Off to Bowlers'' or something like that. He said that it's going to be really big.
Howard said that they need a guy to do the announcing and maybe they could have Scott the Engineer do that. He talked about with Scott a little bit. They checked out some more pictures of the women they have lined up for the event too. They had one chick by the name of Marilisa or something like that who was a dominatrix according to Doug.
Howard said that they wanted to do a show that was exclusive to Howard TV and this is what they came up with. He said that now he's thinking that they should have done it on the radio show. Robin said they could do preview shows and stuff on the radio show to promote it. Howard said this is very exciting.
Howard asked if they can do topless bowling or not. Doug said that the bowling alley is okay with thongs but they're not sure about the topless thing. There is a fully nude bowling alley they can go to and that might come in season 2.
Doug said that he did speak to Jim Florentine about hosting the show and he's very excited about it. Howard said that he doesn't want him becoming a Richard Dawson type making it all about himself. Doug thinks that he'd be great as the host. Howard said that if they don't use Jim then they're going to try using Ralph Howard from Howard 100 News. They spent a few more minutes on that stuff before going to break.
Lisa said that Shuli got some audio of Artie asking Robin to come over to entertain the troops with him. Robin showed some interest in it. Howard asked how many people he's bringing over there. He said that it wasn't up to him and he may be at his limit already.
Artie said he thinks that Dave Attell, Nick DiPaolo and Gary are going. He may have one more spot and Robin might be able to go if she wants to. He said that he's not sure if he's even allowed to offer that since he's not sure if she'd be allowed to go. He thinks that the troops love the show and they'd like to see her over there. Howard said that she'd have to go buy an all new wardrobe.
Howard asked how long they're going to be over there because Robin has to have her coffee enemas every week. Artie wasn't giving the details about how long it'll be.
Howard asked Lisa if she would do the bowling show. She said that she can't bowl so she won't be doing that. She went on to talk about how Scott DePace has a new arch enemy. They have something out called a Video Perch which is very much like his Video Caddy. Lisa said that this guy thinks that his product is lighter and better than Scott's. Scott says that his is made better than the other one and it will stand up longer than the other one.
Scott came in to defend his Video Caddy and talked about why he thinks his is better. They spent a short time talking about that. Scott said that they're in the black with the product and doing just fine with it.
Lisa said that she spoke to George Takei about Artie having to lay down during the show last week. He said that he's worried about him and he has some deep, deep insecurity inside of him and he needs to take care of that. Howard said that George is going to be in next week so they can talk to him about that then.
Artie said that he has to get busy on that PSA he was going to do. He said that he promised George that he was going to make that happen. Howard let Lisa go after that and mentioned that she was out in the hall earlier talking about her solid bowel movements that she gets from eating plenty of fiber. Artie said that he didn't know that the G in her name stood for Gross.
Howard played the clip of Demi talking about the leach therapy with Dave and how it will detoxify the blood. Howard said he knew that this was going to get Robin interested in doing that. Robin said that she doesn't need to do that because she does other things to detoxify herself.
Howard said he thought that leach therapy was just hanging out with Ralph. He played more of the clip of Demi talking about this strange therapy she's doing. She told Dave about how they start on her belly button and that's the worst spot to start on her. Howard told Robin not to laugh at all of this because she'll probably end up doing it.
Demi was talking about the leach crawling into her belly button and biting into her and then sucking the blood. Artie said that Demi has an every day leach with that Ashton Kutcher dude.
Demi was talking about taking a turpentine bath which was another one of her wacky therapies. Howard said that this is all just too much money and spare time. Demi was saying that she's going back for more leach therapy. Howard said that she doesn't look good from all of that, she's looking good from being tightened up. She won't talk about that stuff though.
Howard talked about the disturbing cover of a magazine that Demi posed on with her daughters looking very sexual. They spent a minute on that and Howard told Robin that he knows that she'll be doing this in a few months.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that Demi was looking really good on that show last night. He asked Howard if he thinks that she'd ever come on his show. Howard said that she probably wouldn't ever do their show. He said that some publicists think that getting a front page story on the Daily News is going to be bigger than doing his show. He said that pre-merger they have probably 6 million people listening. He said that after the merger they'll probably have 7 million listening to his show and that's more than even watch Leno or Letterman.
Howard said that he sees the power of satellite already and they can get Mark the Bagger as the number one most searched name on google when he's on. He said that he sees the company growing by leaps and bounds once the merger goes through.
Robin said that the show is still big because the Ryan Phillippe interview was making news all over the place last week. Howard played some news reports after that where they talked about some of the stuff that Ryan revealed on the show.
Howard talked about that E! news report that he had just played an kind of made fun of the way they were reporting on it.
Robin wanted to know how Jim is doing since the Elliot Spitzer thing because he was very close to the guy. Howard said that this new Governor, David Paterson, is revealing even more stuff. Today he revealed that he used to do cocaine and smoke pot. He said that the next thing they know they'll be hearing that he killed a couple of people or something. Howard said that this new governor may have to step down too. There are some other shady things that he's done that could get him into trouble.
Howard said that if they get rid of Patterson then this guy Bruno would be up next. Robin said that he's apparently under investigation for something too. She said that it's getting ridiculous with what these politicians are up to.
A caller asked Howard about this bowling event and suggested that they get Jessica Hahn to compete. Howard said that they did a bowling show with Jessica one time and she did good. He said that she might have to be part of the seniors tour though. He said that they could have her go up against Blue Iris or maybe Amy Lynn or someone like that. Howard said that may have to wait for the second season.
Howard threw out a few other names like Houston the porn star and how she could be part of the seniors tour. Artie did his impression of her calling in with excuses for why she can't bowl.
Howard said that place sounds like a great place with the choice of food they have. Howard said that his parents go to a Chinese food buffet and he just can't go to stuff like that. He said that if he sees that much food he has to eat it all.
Robin said that Jim was telling her about the Meet the Creeps DVDs he does and how they'll go to a buffet and just sit down at the buffet tables and eat right from there. Richard said that he used to go to a buffet and used their list online for the list of stuff that they serve.
Richard said that place got shut down with 180 health violations and one of the issues was taking used food and putting it back into the buffet.
Howard said that he liked that episodes she was on even though he stopped watching the show. He said he used to be a big fan of the show but gave up on it. Richard said he didn't find her character believable and couldn't get into the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Pam Anderson and how she just had her marriage annulled. Robin said that they're saying that they did it because they had done it on a dare because of something they had bet in a card game and that's why they had it annulled.
Howard said that he was thinking of knocking down his therapy to 2 days a week but his shrink told him that's not going to happen. He said that he has to keep going 3 days a week. He said he tries to tell his shrink that he's doing okay but the guy knows him too good and knows he needs to continue the 3 days.
Howard said that he doesn't understand this Pam Anderson and some of the stuff she talks about when he hangs out with her. He said that she's all over the place with her discussions. He said that he finds her delightful but doesn't make a lot of sense.
Howard said he's spoken to Pam about these wacky marriages she's had and she always talks about how she's not going to do it again. Then she goes out and does it. He said that he thinks that she's just crazy.
Artie said that he heard a replay of the old show where they went to her hotel room and hung out with her and some friends. Howard said that he was trying to get her into the shower and undressed but he wasn't able to make that happen. He said that they still had fun though.
Howard said that Pam named her kids Brandon and Dillon and he thinks that she named them after the characters on ''Beverly Hills 90210.'' He said that someone said she named Dillon after Bob Dylan but he's not sure about that.
Howard took another call and talked more about the merger. The caller said that he hasn't listened to regular radio in 2 years since getting satellite. He said that Howard is ahead of the curve and he is the genius of himself, just like Pat Cooper would say.
The guys were also talking about Barack Obama and playing some clips of this reverend talking about him. It wasn't the reverend that Barack is friends with though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John the Stutterer did another great show last night. He said that he has his speech problem but other than that he's got his act together. They were going to play some clips but Gary told him that JD was a little behind today with the clips.
JD came in to explain to Howard what the problem was. He said that he didn't have a chance to go through it yet because the FTP site that he usually gets it from was full. Howard told Gary to take care of that and make sure that doesn't happen again. Gary said that was the first he was hearing of it. JD said that he'll have clips available later.
Howard asked how old John the Stutterer is. Artie thinks that he's like 42 or so. Howard said he was about to go into his Lenny Dykstra rap but he had to go to break.
The phone caller asked Howard if anyone had pulled tape of Billy Joel and his wife on Oprah Winfrey's show. Howard said he saw the show. The caller said that it was basically about how Billy's wife designed their house and wrote a cook book but it seemed that Billy felt awkward being there and didn't want to be there at all. He wondered if Howard got that from the appearance too.
Howard said he's right about that and he was probably there to support his wife. He said that Billy is an icon and a musical genius right up there with the Beatles. He said that he felt Oprah Winfrey did not treat him properly and didn't appreciate who he is. He said that he was probably there to sing just to help his wife out. He felt that Oprah didn't have any chemistry with him and she was very judgmental about Billy and his driving drunk and all of that.
Howard said that he didn't have to fly out there to sing a song for Oprah and she really didn't treat him the right way when he did. He said that he hasn't spoken to Billy or his wife since then but he thinks that they're lovely people. Robin said that Oprah was raving about James Blunt and not doing that for Billy who has put out hundreds of great songs.
Howard said that Oprah didn't deserve that interview and he'd love to have the two of them there to do an interview. He said he'd have much more interesting questions than Oprah did.
The caller asked Howard if Billy would ever come in to do an interview. Howard said he hopes not. He said the guy is a fascinating man and he's not sure he'd want him to come in and do an interview. He said it would be awkward at this point to do the interview. Billy would probably be worried about him bringing up some of the stuff they've discussed in the past. He said that he would have him on but he'd be kind of afraid of what would come up.
Artie said that there Billy Joel is really the one who has 2 hours of hit after hit songs when he does a concert. He said that guy really has more hits any even Bruce Springsteen does. He said that a lot of the songs you hear at a Springsteen concert are songs that are just for the hard core fans.
Jon Hein came in and talked about how great Billy is when he does a concert and it just didn't come across on Oprah's show how great he really is.
Howard and the guys talked about that James Blunt guy and how he's really only had one hit song but Oprah is all over him.
Robin said that Lewis Black is doing a show on Comedy Central called ''The Root of All Evil'' and they had Oprah as one of those things. Artie said that they have two comedians arguing about what's more evil on the show and she was one of the subjects. He thinks that Oprah was the winner in the one show she was mentioned.
Howard played a James Blunt song parody with Crackhead Bob singing ''You're Beautiful.'' Howard said they had talked about the merger enough today so he threw out the notes he had on that. Then he spent a minute talking about how excited he's going to be if the FCC actually approves the merger. He said that he'll be jumping up and down when that happens. Robin said she'll be doing that too but in the privacy of her own home.
Howard asked if Robin was excited that Jim was there. She said she was very nervous. She's afraid that something might happen and screw up their relationship. They haven't discussed what they can or can't discuss on the show. Howard wanted to go to break but Robin told him not to do that because she doesn't want the cameras following her around during the break.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys had a big heart over her head. The guys were goofing around with her about Jim and she was sounding a big nervous.
Artie said that they've found that there's nothing that offends Jim and he wondered if Robin has found anything like that. Robin said that she'll leave that up to Howard to find out when he interviews him. They went to break a short time later.
Jim said that he was told by Ronnie that he's looking like Fred. He said that his impression is so good that it really sounds like him on the air.
Howard told Jim that he's looking good these days. Jim said he never said that before he started going out with Robin. Robin said that he's a good looking guy. Howard said that she's looking good too so they're doing good for each other.
Jim said that he is kind of nervous today but it won't be as bad as last time when he had to talk about his girlfriend dying. Howard said that he's kind of considered about the way this relationship is being handled. He said he gets that they want some things private but even his relationship with Shuli is damaged. He said that Shuli is a friend of Jim's and he said something to Robin about Jim farting and Jim hasn't been talking to him.
Shuli came in and said that he was telling a story off the air about Jim about Jim farting and making his girlfriend throwing up and now Jim is saying that he got texts from Jim saying he can't trust him.
Jim said he told Shuli not to talk to Robin about that story because he wanted to do it on the air. Then the next day he went in and told Robin the story first thing. Howard said that this is why he's worried about their relationship because he's trying to hide his real life from Robin.
Howard told Jim to let out a fart right then but Shuli told him that it would clear the whole studio. He said that he really didn't just blurt that story out to Robin but she said that he grabbed her to tell her the story.
Howard said that reporting that story to Robin could screw things up. He said that they don't do that to Shuli and tell his girlfriend about weird things that he does, if he did any that is.
Jim said that he does hold in his farts around Robin but he's done that around every chick he's been with. He said that he still goofs around with her when they go out. He just doesn't fart. He said that he'll put in their name as Steve Langford when they go out to eat and stuff like that.
Howard said that he sees Jim's point about the farting thing. He said that he wouldn't want his buddies telling Beth about the stuff he does. Shuli said that it's not like he was telling Robin about something that Jim has never done before. Jim said that it's different when he's dating someone. He said that you just shouldn't be telling some guy's girlfriend about stuff they do off the air.
Howard asked Jim if he and Robin are exclusive. Jim said yes to that and said that things are going very well. He said that they've been exclusive since the beginning, back in August, and he's happy. He said that Robin is low maintenance. Howard found that surprising. Jim said that she's not needy and doesn't text him all the time or anything like that.
Shuli said that Robin is fine until she hears a farting story. Robin said she wasn't upset about that. It was Jim who got upset with Shuli about that story coming out.
Howard asked Jim if he thinks he knows Robin. He said that he knows her pretty good. Howard said he was going to test them then. He said that he wanted to know how far along they were. He told Gary to get him a pen and paper for each of them and he was going to ask them 13 questions.
Artie said that Jim Florentine doesn't have an ounce of bullshit in him. Howard asked Jim if he was in love. Jim said that they're not at that point yet. He said that she knows how he feels about her, he told her. He said that they've been together for 7 months and it's going to go slow but it's building nicely. He said that he wouldn't rule it out that she's the one for him. Robin said that she didn't know what they were talking about and threatened to poke out her ear drums.
Howard predicted that if Jim did pop the question, Robin would say yes. Howard said that Jim has a good heart and he really seems like a good guy for Robin. He said that he might start calling Jim again if this keeps up. He said that he used to call him but he hasn't spoken to him lately. Howard then said that he and Jim have actually been speaking secretly off the air.
Jim said that he really doesn't fart in front of his girlfriends. He said he's good like that. He said that he can't even go out and fart outside a room because they're known to follow him back in. Howard said he doesn't think that Jim would give up other pussy if he wasn't in love with Robin. Howard asked if he thinks his penis is bigger than Mr. X's. He said ''probably not.''
Howard asked Jim about the size of his balls and if they're really that big. Jim said that they used to be really big but they've gone down in size over the years. He said he's not sure why that is but he did have a couple of years when they were really big.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for some upcoming gigs he had and for his new CD ''Anger is a Gift'' which is available through his web site JimFlorentine.com.
Howard took a call for Jim and let one guy go off on Shuli about what he did to Jim. Then he asked Robin and Jim to write down their answer to ''What was the last movie you saw together?'' They thought about it for a minute and then gave their answers. Robin had ''Savages'' and Jim said ''Rambo.'' Robin said that the last one they saw in the theater was Rambo but the last move they saw in the hotel was ''Savages.''
Howard said that they screwed up the easy question. Yucko the Clown called in and said that Jim is more whipped than Robin's ancestors ever were.
Howard asked ''Who is Robin's best friend?'' Robin didn't know she even had a best friend. Howard told the two of them to write down an answer. Robin said that Jim won't get this one. She wrote down Kathy. Jim wrote down Sheila.
Howard asked ''What is the last thing you disagreed over?'' Fred, as Jim, said that it was the last answer. Artie was eating through this whole interview so Howard pointed that out. Howard asked them again what they last disagreed over but Robin was talking too much. Robin didn't have an answer and neither did Jim.
Howard asked Jim if he's had a change of mind about marriage after meeting Robin. He didn't really have an answer. Howard asked if Jim had met Robin's mother yet. That hasn't happened but Robin said that will happen when it happens. Jim did meet her nephew. He said that he liked the kid and he hopes that he liked him. Robin said that she has told her mother about Jim and she has asked about him.
Howard said that Jim must give it to Robin very hard. Jim didn't answer so Howard asked why they don't admit that they've had sex. Robin said she doesn't want to go to the next question after that question. Howard said that it must be about using lube or something. He said that he doesn't think that she needs K-Y or anything and she must get really wet for him. Robin was laughing like crazy while that was being discussed. She said that she won't answer that one though.
Howard asked why they never see the two of them kissing in public. Jim said that they just don't do that in public. He said that he knows that Howard and Beth are all over each other in public.
Gary came in and said that he needed to know the circumstances of when they did it for the first time. Howard figured it was about 2 weeks in. Then he said it was probably 23 minutes in. Robin said that she and Jim tried to throw everyone off their trail in the beginning.
Howard asked how often Robin and Jim see each other. They said that it's once or twice a week. They can't spend every day together. Howard said that he thinks that Robin and Jim must have done it pretty quick because even Fred did it with Allison on the first night. Fred said it was probably 3 dates. Howard said it was at least 6 dates. Fred didn't think it could have been that long.
Robin said that hey were all wrong and it was at least 10 dates out. Jim said that he was having a tough time after what he went through with his ex-girlfriend. He said that he's still in therapy over that. Jim said that their first kiss was about the 4th date in.
Howard asked Jim what Robin's bra size is. He told him to write down the answer but Robin kept saying that he wouldn't know that. Jim wrote down 38-DDD. Robin said that it's actually a 36-DD.
Howard asked Jim and Robin ''Who is Jim's favorite comedian?'' They wrote down their answers for that and Robin said ''Andrew Dice Clay'' and so did Jim. They finally got one right.
Howard asked ''What's Robin's most irritating habit?'' Robin didn't know how to answer that one. Howard told her to just write something down. Jim said that he didn't have an answer for that one. Artie said that was Jim being a smart guy not screwing anything up. Robin said that she wrote down laughter. Jim said he actually wrote down ''her stories are a little long.'' He knew that he was going to catch shit for that. Artie said he can picture that happening and Robin telling Jim that she didn't want to bore him with her stories.
Howard asked one last question. That was ''What is the most attractive physical thing about Robin?'' Jim asked how to spell labia. Jim said that Robin's face is the best, Robin said it was her ass.
Robin started to give Jim a hard time about the long stories thing. She was goofing on him about that a little bit. Jim got in some more plugs for the shows he has coming up and then went to the phones. Jim quickly mentioned that they don't need lube when they do it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Jim if he's ever titty fucked those funbags. Robin was shocked that she would ask something like that. Mariann was saying that Robin's attitude has changed since she started dating him and it's great. Howard said that he figures that Jim wouldn't concentrate on her boobs because that's what she'd expect. Jim said that he hasn't titty fucked her yet. He said that if he does he'll do it while she's telling one of her long stories.
Robin seemed to be focusing on that one complaint he had about her and said that she's asked him about the stories before and he said that they were fine. The guys were saying that Robin's laugh isn't that annoying and they actually like it and said it saves the show sometimes. Howard said he likes her laugh because it makes him feel funny.
Sal came in and said that he's very happy for the two of them. He said he wanted to ask one question. He asked them to tell them what the size of Robin's areolas were. He had some coins and asked Jim to give them an answer on that. Jim pointed to the CD Sal had and said that was the size.
Gary acme in and asked how things work financially. He asked who pays for what. Jim said that they both pay. He said that she'll pay for dinner and then he'll pay for the tolls on the way home. He said he actually pays for dinner and he'll pay for going away on trips and stuff like that and then she'll pay. They fly first class when they go on vacation and stuff but he has frequent flyer miles that he can use for that.
Howard asked Jim if he's annoyed by Robin's diet drinks and stuff like that. He said that none of that bothers him, he likes that she's trying to be healthy.
Robin said that the thing that swayed her toward thinking that Jim was serious for her was when he told her that he had done some research about some restaurants that she would be happy with.
Richard came in and as