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Howard started off the show saying that Robin was all smiles this morning after he had just done an odd voice. She said that it was the voice that was making her smile. Howard did a little more of that phony DJ voice and then thanked Jay Thomas for sitting in on Friday morning on Howard 101. He said that Jay was interviewing the singing Psychic and she was saying that he's going to have a baby.
Howard said he was talking to Tim about Jay's show and he said that it's funny how Jay found a new spin on that singing psychic, he actually believes what she says. He said he left Jay a message the other day and he didn't hear back from him. He figured he would since people seem to be so excited to get calls from him. Artie said that it is pretty exciting.
Artie talked about how he's still far from being so heavy that they have to lift him with a forklift. That led to Howard talking about that guy Michael Hebranco who was pretty huge. He had to be taken to the hospital on a forklift.
Howard played a clip from a show where they talked about Michael Hebranco who thought he might have cancer but he didn't fit into the machines that they had there to check him. He was 533 pounds at that time. They had to take him to a zoo to take images of him since he was too big for the hospital. The report was actually from a reality show.
Howard said he's been watching these reality shows lately and it's like these people get other people to take care of them like they're babies. He said that's what this Michael Hebranco seems to be doing now with this show.
Howard had another clip from that reality show where they talked about a guy who weighed almost 780 pounds. The guy doesn't think that it's a problem. He was described as having a 5 foot waist line. The guy said that he doesn't eat as much as the rest of his family so he's not sure why he's so fat.
Howard had a laugh over the fact that the guy claims he doesn't eat as much as his daughter. Howard said that guy weighs as much as 2.6 Arties. He said that he was rounding up Artie's weight since he did weigh in at 295 pounds the other day.
JD came in and said that they had to build a special wheelchair for that guy because he was so big. They already had bigger ones but he was so big they had to make a new one. There was another guy who had a leg that got all blown up because he had some kind of clog or something. Howard played the clip where they talked about that guy.
In the clip they talked about the deformed leg and how it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. That led to Artie talking about a guy who had something similar on a show where this guy blew up like Popeye. Howard played more of the clip and they talk about how they can't operate on this guy because of his weight. He won't stop eating and he's gained 30 pounds in the past 6 months. They talk about his girlfriend smuggling food into this treatment center that he's at.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he feels bad for JD and wonders if he's even capable of having a girlfriend. Howard said he heard Robin on the Wrap Up Show last week feeling bad for JD. The caller said that in high school he never believed that anyone liked him and maybe JD has a touch of that. He said he eventually got a girl though.
Howard played some audio of JD and Robin talking on the Wrap Up Show last week. JD was talking about Jared and how they don't get along. Robin came in and said that she loves JD and doesn't like seeing him feeling bad the way he does. She told him that she hopes that he's okay.
Howard said that Robin giving him pity can be even worse than what he's got going on in his life. He played more of the audio where JD is explaining why he doesn't like Jared. Robin said that they used to be friends though and there had to be a turning point but JD can't get that out.
In the audio clip JD was explaining why he wasn't friends with Jared anymore and his explanation didn't make a lot of sense to Robin. She was laughing at the clip while it played. Artie asked JD what it was that made him not like Jared but JD couldn't give any specific examples.
Howard said that he liked the day that JD was in there and explained how he didn't like Jared because of the pimp outfit that he wore at a Halloween party. That was one of the reasons he gave for him being arrogant. Howard said he thought that one of the things that JD was upset about had something to do with a fantasy football thing. JD said that was just part of the reasons for him not being friends with Jared anymore.
Howard tried to get more of an explanation out of JD. He asked JD what fantasy football is all about. JD tried to explain it but the guys had to help him out. JD explained it and said that Jared did beat him in the league and he'd brag about it even though he didn't win the league.
Artie told JD that Jared is an amazing Guitar Hero player too. He was just making that up to rub it in his face. That led to Howard talking to JD about playing the game and if he ever plays against anyone else. He said that he doesn't play against other people too much. He said that he has played against a couple of people and has beaten them.
Howard asked JD about the fat guy in that clip he had played earlier and wondered if he thinks he could get her. JD said that she's one of the patients at that clinic, she's not that attractive. Howard figured that she'd even turn JD down. He said they have to do a dating game with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that they should have JD and Beetlejuice go out and try to pick up hot chicks. Howard figured that Beet has more game and he'd be able to pick up a hotter chick.
Robin asked JD if he and Jared agreed to be civil to each other in the halls. JD said he's always been civil but he just mumbled when Robin asked him if he's going to talk to Jared at all.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked JD about his relationships with women. JD said that he's not sure he wants to be involved with a woman because he's seen so many relationships go bad. Artie told him he was convincing himself that it's going to fail. Robin asked what the problem is. Artie said that part of the problem is having a girlfriend in the city, you really need to have some scratch.
Howard asked JD what he thinks is going to make that change. JD said that he hopes that his life will get better. That led to Artie talking about how he sold his gift certificate to a nice clothing store for 50 cents on the dollar when he could have gone out and picked up some nice clothes. Instead he went to a strip club with the money. He said that's not the way to pick up chicks.
Howard and the guys goofed on JD and did impressions of him doing a radio show there. Howard had suggested that they give him a show so he can talk about his dislike for Jared. Fred really got into his impression of JD and was mumbling and slurring his words the way JD does.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that JD is fascinating to him. He said that he hopes to hear JD on the show when he tunes in these days. Melrose was also talking about Artie coming out to L.A. but Howard cut him off and got back to goofing on JD.
Howard had some Hawaiian music playing in the background and did the JD show as if he were talking about his mother and his step-father. Howard said he's going to talk to Tim Sabean about getting him a show there.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to talk about the Jay Thomas show. He said that the singing psychic predicted Howard was going to get divorced and meet this blonde. Howard said that Jay was agreeing with her about all of that stuff but they didn't have any tape of her actually saying it. The guy said that he tuned in and heard her talking about how Howard was going to have a baby. They goofed on her for a minute and then the caller wanted to play a game with JD.
The caller told JD to take his headphones off. He suggested that they talk to JD for 2 minutes and find out how many times he says ''whatever,'' ''I don't know,'' or ''you know.'' They took some over/under bets on how many times JD might say those things. The over/under was 15. The guys said that he'd probably come in under.
Howard had JD put his headphones back on and asked JD to describe fantasy football. He said ''I don't know'' two times in the first sentence. Fred was playing a bell whenever he'd say any of those terms. JD went on to explain what fantasy football was about and he'd throw in a ''whatever'' now and then. Howard had him explain what Guitar Hero was and he started to say ''whatever'' more during that explanation than he did with the football thing. JD came in at under 15 with about 6 of those terms. JD had no idea what they were playing so Howard explained it to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he met this 21 year old girl on Myspace and got to know her through there. He was explaining what he was doing with her but Howard got bored with him and hung up in the middle of the call.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if maybe Jared has a Hawaiian background and that's why JD hates him so much. Howard said that he's pretty sure that's not the case.
Howard played a prank call that the guys had made with High Pitch Eric. They had him call a guy who helps with weight loss. He was eating and asking for help losing weight at the same time. He claimed to weigh 500 pounds in the call.
Howard said that there's not much they can do about that. Richard is going to drink no matter what they tell him. Richard came in a short time later and said that he's not sure he wants to talk about it on the air. He said that he wasn't sure if he could get into trouble for talking about it.
Howard asked Richard why he has to have so much to drink. Richard said that he didn't think that he had that much to drink but then things just started to spin and the next thing he knew he was puking on his shoes. Richard said that he was kind of a terrorist looking guy on the plane next to them and that made him even more nervous.
Richard said that the terrorist looking guy was shaking and looking really nervous during the flight. He said that he was going to say something but he didn't want to seem like that jerk that suspects people of stuff like that. Howard said the guy was probably shaking seeing Richard drunk.
Artie said that Richard really sounds retarded talking about getting arrested on a plane for getting sick. He said that he thought that it was like shooting out biohazard stuff when he's puking. Howard said that if he had to drink while he flew like that he'd think that it was really alarming behavior. Richard said he did look at that and he's going to stop drinking during the week and only drink on the weekend.
Howard said that doesn't seem to be enough and maybe it's time to stop drinking or limit himself to a 2 drink minimum. Richard said that's what he's going to do. He said he doesn't have any more flights coming up so he doesn't have to drink.
Richard said that he's not drinking beer anymore, he's just drinking the hard stuff. He only drinks that one day a week now. He said he limits that to one day a week unless he's flying. Then he'll drink if he flies so that makes it two days a week.
Richard said that he regrets not recording what was going on with his puking on the plane. He said that people were yelling about him being a sick man and the stewardess asking him if he needed to get off the plane.
Howard asked Richard how much he drinks on those days that he drinks. Richard said that he will drink pretty much all day long. Howard asked if he could have only two drinks on those days. Richard said that he could do that and he'll try it out on Friday when he goes to an Iron Maiden concert.
Artie asked Richard what he did with his shoes that he puked on. Richard said that he cleaned them off in the bathroom at the airport. He still has the shoes and they're at home. He said they weren't ruined. Artie said that maybe he should throw them out. Richard said that they're his favorite shoes, Converse, and he didn't want to throw them away.
Howard played Richard and Sal's ''Mitur Binesderty'' prank call after all of that. Richard then asked Howard if he would report someone on the plane who looked middle Eastern and was all nervous and shaking. Howard said that they say that you're supposed to say something but he gets his dilemma. Richard said that he was going to try and strike up a conversation with the guy but he figured he might get suspicious of him trying to talk to him.
Howard told Richard to get that drinking under control. Richard said he's going to do that because it was one of his New Year's resolutions. He said that he admires Howard for being able to fly and not have to drink like he does. Howard said that he hates flying but he just does it. Richard said that when he's drunk it doesn't bother him at all.
Howard told Richard that was enough of his problems. He was going to let him go but Robin asked about what he drank that day. Here's what he said he had:
Howard and the guys goofed on Richard about the whole thing. Artie said that he thought that Richard was taking time off from doing comedy gigs. Richard said that this weekend was a trip to Florida for his girlfriend's birthday. He said they went down to Ft. Lauderdale and it was beautiful. He said the weather was perfect while they were there. Howard said that it is nice down there.
Richard said that the hotel had a bar next to the pool and you can see people swimming from inside the bar. Robin said that she's never picked a hotel based on the bar. Richard said that he did his research and thought that was the best place to go.
Richard talked about how he was drinking at the hotel but only because they were on vacation. Robin said that Richard always has an excuse for his drinking.
Richard said he got sunburned down there when he fell asleep with his legs sticking out of the cabana in the sun. Howard and Robin asked Richard about the drinking while he was on vacation and how he's using that as an excuse to drink. Richard said that he really doesn't drink much when he's home.
Richard said that it's going to be tough to go to this concert on Friday without drinking. Howard told him that he's an alcoholic. Richard said he admits that he is but he's trying to cut down. The guys continued to goof on Richard about the drinking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the bar that Richard was talking about was one of the biggest white trash places to stay in Ft. Lauderdale. He said that the whole thing is really tacky. Richard said it was like $150 a night or something like that. Artie said that's about what it costs to stay in a garage in South Florida.
Richard said that there must have been a German wheelchair convention in town because there were people rolling around all over the place. He said they all had accents too so that's why he thought it was Germans.
A caller pointed out how funny it was that Richard said that he only threw up wine when he had all of that other stuff to drink. Richard said that his socks were purple when he took them off last night. He said that he still has those too. He didn't throw them out.
Howard said that his weekend was pretty dull compared to Richard's. He said he had to go to break after that. Richard said that he's going to try and control himself from now on. He said his birthday is coming up in a few weeks though so he may have to drink then. The guys spent a couple more minutes talking about Richard's stay in the hotel down there in Florida.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard's show is a great way to launch a comedy career and it's kind of odd that Jim Florentine hasn't been on lately. Howard said that he's actually coming in soon. He said that he's going to be promoting a new CD and a charity gig. He said he has nothing interesting going on in his personal life so he hopes that they'll still book him.
Artie said that Jim is going to the Middle East with him so he's excited about that. Howard asked Robin what she thinks about her new love going over there with Artie. Robin said that she will worry when he goes but right now she's not worried.
Richard asked Robin if she and Jim will talk about what they can talk about before he comes on the show. Robin said that she never thought about what they could talk about on the air. That led to Fred doing his Jim impression and talking about some of the sexual stuff they might talk about when he comes in. They also played a new song parody about Robin.
Richard said that he got a picture of Robin from the 1994 pay-per-view special and her nipples were rock hard that night. Howard said he thinks that she did that to get the audience to tune in. He played another new song parody about Robin that Sal performed about her asshole. Robin got a big laugh out of that one. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard finished up his live commercial and came back a short time later. He asked if the guys were interested in talking to this chick. Artie said he could fit that into his schedule.
Callena came in a short time later. Howard said that she was looking good. She said that she's a stripper and she's only 18. She had implants done already and they were done back around Thanksgiving. Robin said they were huge but Callena said she actually wanted them bigger.
Howard said that this girl is only 18 so he wondered how long she could have wanted to be in the magazine. She said that she saw a Playboy back when she was around 7 and that's what put the thought in her head. She said that she went to New Orleans a couple of months before she got her boobs done and that's when she got the Playboy pendant.
Callena said that she wasn't really loose in high school and just lost her virginity recently. She said that she was still a virgin when she started dancing. Gary said that he asked her how she got involved in the dancing thing and she said that she started at an amateur night. She had gone to the club to see what it was all about and got hired.
Callena said that she still hasn't done anal yet when Howard asked about that. She said that it scares her. Gary said that she has some people with her that are trying to help her out with her career. He thinks that she's banging the couple but she claims she's not.
Callena said that she's into girls too so they asked her about that. She said that she has gone down on women and done stuff with them. She said that she has a thing for this couple's wife and that's who she's after in that relationship. The girl said that she's been with 3 women and couple of men.
Howard said that it's kind of weird that she wears that Playboy thing when she's not even in the magazine. She said that she wants people to ask her if she's in the magazine even if she's not in. Howard asked her what her background is. She said that her mother is white and Chinese and her father is black. Howard said it was a good mix and she looked really good.
Callena said that her mother died when she was 9 and her dad raised her for a little while but then her grandparents took over. Howard figured that's why she's gone to stripping. Howard asked her if she mom died because she saw the future. She said that she actually died in her sleep.
Howard told Callena that he wasn't sure if he wanted to see her naked. He said he wouldn't have a problem with an 18 year old dancing for him in a club but in the studio it was different. He said that she looks more mature than 18 though.
Howard said that he'd take a look at her even though she's just 18. He told her to show whatever she wanted to. She took her top off and Howard said they were really big. She said she bought them and he said it was pretty obvious. She said that they cost $5,300 and they were silicone. Howard said that they looked like they were too tight in there. She didn't have a lot of skin. She said that they're still new so that's why they're so tight.
Howard wanted to see her ass but she said that she wanted to keep something for Playboy. Gary said that they can't send pictures of her with clothes on to Playboy. They weren't going to send anything to them if she didn't take her pants off. Artie said that they can't send them anything if she doesn't strip down.
Ronnie came in and said that she broke his balls to get up there and now she won't strip. He asked her how she can get in the magazine if she doesn't get naked for them. He asked if it was a scam or something. She said that she promised herself that she wouldn't.
Gary asked Callena why she came up there if she wasn't going to get naked for them. They told her that all of the other girls who have gotten into the magazine have gotten naked. Ronnie said that the whole idea was to get evaluated and now she's not getting naked.
Ronnie said that the guy she came up there with must be a scam artist. Howard told Callena that they can't guarantee that she'll get into the magazine but they can take some pictures and send them over to them. She finally agreed to do it.
Callena took her pants off and Artie was going nuts over how great it looked. Jason took some pictures of her to send over to Playboy while she did that. Howard told her that they'd pass them along to their friends over at Playboy.
Howard said that she was spreading her legs on the couch and he didn't expect that to happen. They were also talking about how they don't have a lot of black chicks in the magazine, maybe one a year, so she may have to wait until next year since they've already gotten in that one for this year. They goofed around talking about that for a minute.
Howard said that he thinks that Callena might be good enough for Playboy but it's hard to tell from looking at her the way she was dressed if she was good enough. Artie said that he thinks she looks a lot like this chick Thandie Newton who was in ''Mission Impossible 2.''
Callena said that she works at Little Darlings in Las Vegas for anyone who wants to go see her strip. The guys were also talking about how a lot of the girls who get into the magazine end up banging famous guys and one of them, Jillian Grace, actually got knocked up by David Spade.
Howard took a call from Sal who was pretending to be Lester Green from Black Tail magazine asking her to be in his magazine. She passed on that. She said that she really wants to wait for Playboy. Howard told Callena she was very good looking and was about to wrap up with her. Then Artie said he wanted to see this guy that brought her there.
The guy came in and some of the guys started to laugh. Howard asked the guy how he met this chick. He said he and his wife had met her at a strip club in New Orleans. Howard asked the guy if his wife is getting it on with this chick. He said that they're not yet but if want to do anything, he'd be up for it.
The guy talked about how his wife is very open minded but he didn't say if she's into chicks or not. He gave them a ''no comment.'' The guy said that he had the two girls with him in the hotel with him this weekend. He said that he wasn't sure if he was going to get in this morning so his wife didn't come with them.
Howard talked to the guy for a short time and found out he was originally from Russia. They spent a few minutes talking to him about how he met Callena and going over some of that. He wasn't giving up all of the details though. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips where he was asking a woman to come up to the studio to ride the Sybian topless. Howard said that Ronnie really is good at getting chicks to take their clothes off. Robin said that he must know how these girls need to be treated.
Howard asked Ronnie how he knows what to say to these broads. Ronnie came in again so Howard told him to get Robin naked. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Ronnie said that he went down to talk to that girl in the lobby and she was telling him that she was going to get naked and then she didn't do it so he came in and yelled at her. He said that she didn't promise anything but she did say that she might get naked. Howard told him he's got a skill there and he was praising him for that. Ronnie was surprised he was actually getting praise for something.
Artie said that he thinks that the girl is already soulless and there's something about her that was a little off. Howard wondered if Ronnie could get her on the Sybian. He wasn't sure he wanted to do that because he does have more show to get to. Artie said that she was just 18 and he forgot about that for a minute. Ronnie said he'd talk to her about it even if he decides not to do it.
Artie said that he's in heat for this broad and he can't think straight now. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they only let Asian chicks in Playboy like once every leap year so she's out.
Artie said that she might have had the nicest ass ever. He saw it again up on his monitor so he was going nuts over it again.
Howard said that the wedding should be in October. He was about to talk about the plans but he said it was too complicated and he didn't want to get into it.
Lisa said that Scott DePace has raised the price of his Video Caddy product and the Page 69 guys have a report about that and about how Scott goes on golf forums and puts the product out there. Scott came in and said that he did that just once. He said that they caught him immediately and found out that he was posting from SIRIUS so he got busted.
Lisa asked why the price went up. Scott said it was selling well and he had to raise the price. Lisa said that Jason is saying that Scott has asked him not to comment about him to the news anymore. Scott said that he was asked not to comment on Jason anymore but Jason keeps it going. Scott also said that the caddy never sold for 40 bucks like they claimed it had. It used to be 60, now it's 70.
Howard said that Jason and Scott remind him of the Black Crowes, Chris and Rich Robinson, because they hate each other but they need each other. Jason came in a short time later and Scott went off on him about breathing into the microphone.
Jason said that Scott got kicked out of a bar for being drunk a couple of weeks ago but Scott said that wasn't true. Scott said that was all a misunderstanding. Jason said that Scott's friend was the one who got into trouble and Scott tried to stop security from throwing his friend out so that's why he got thrown out. Scott said that he went to stick up for his friend and he ended up pushing the owner of the bar by accident. His friend had accidentally gone into the ladies bathroom and that's what he was going to get thrown out for.
Howard thought that Scott was one of the more together people there but it didn't seem that way after hearing the story. Scott was denying the stuff that Jason was saying so Jason asked someone to come in and back him up. The two of them went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes. Scott doesn't want Jason talking about him anymore since he's stopped talking about him. Jason said that means that he'd have to stop talking to the news department.
Howard found it interesting that Jason knew so much about Scott. Jason said that's because people come to him with all of the dirt on Scott. Jason said there are a lot of people out there in the office who know what happened there at the bar. Scott stuck by his story that he was just trying to protect his friend. He said that he didn't know that it was the bar owner who was pushing him around. The threw in a plug for his video caddy web site TheVideoCaddy.com.
Benjy said that Rolling Rock beer is the company talking about this Moonvertising thing and they're trying to do it. Howard said that he wanted something to actually be on the moon but Benjy was saying that they might do it with lasers so they can just project it there.
Howard said that in the past he'd go on Letterman and tell him that Lesbians were going to be the big ratings catcher and 20-some years later he's right. He said that they have a lot of Lesbian stuff on TV now and that's what he predicted.
Howard said that he had a meeting last week about the next History of Howard Stern special that will air next December. He said that one of the people that participated in the last one was David Letterman and he said that he wanted to hear the whole thing he did. He heard they did a full 30 minute interview with him. He had some clips from that interview that the guys gave him.
In one clip Letterman talked about working at WNBC when Howard was there and how one of his fans had asked him if he was there and that's how he got to know who Howard was. Howard said he thought that was an interesting story.
Howard played another clip where Letterman talked about his early visits on the show and the great energy he had on the show. Howard said he thought all of that was fascinating. He didn't even know that Dave was still aware of him. The two of them started in the same year at NBC. Artie said that he listened to Howard back then and watched Letterman every night too. He said that there was one Letterman episode where a woman complained about Howard when Dave was doing this complaint line bit.
Howard said that he remembers those days because NBC was getting so many complaints about the stuff he was doing on his show. He said he was doing the gay characters and stuff like that and they got a lot of complaints about that.
Howard played an Evil Dave Letterman prank call to a public access call in show. The guys had Evil Dave telling the guy that he loved the show and that they were doing a bang up job. Then he said that he loves the coloreds and asked if he could suck his cock. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard talked about how Amy Fisher got a lot of publicity about her walking off the show last week. He also read a story about Star Jones and her man Al Reynolds breaking up. He said that he hopes that Star will come on the show and thank him for talking about the marriage not lasting because he was right about that. Robin said that he didn't save her from anything because she went through with the wedding anyway.
Howard read through the article about Al and Star and said he's waiting for Al's book to come out. He can't wait to read that. Robin said she can't wait for Al to come out... with his book of course.
Howard said that he got some notes from Doug, his web site webmaster, who told him about the guy who started Facebook.com. He gave him some notes about that guy and how he was being sued for using that name.
Howard said that the movie ''10,000 BC'' was the number one movie this weekend. He said that it looks kind of cool in the commercial but it isn't getting very good ratings. He said it brought in $35.7 million this weekend. He said that it made $61 million worldwide. Martin Lawrence's ''College Road Trip'' made $14 million. Howard talked about how that guy seems to be doing okay for himself. They talked about ''Semi Pro'' with Will Ferrell.
Gary said that he saw the worst move ever made called ''Be Kind Rewind.'' He said that the movie was a funny idea for about 3 minutes but it went on for an hour and a half. He said that his kids loved the movie though.
Howard said that they've found a way to test a dog's IQ and a lot of people who thought that their dogs were really smart are finding out that they're really not. they found that one dog had a 131 IQ. He read through the article and said there was one with a 121 IQ. That was a dog IQ, not a human IQ.
Gary said that he knows some people that are sending their dog to a dog shrink because the dog is refusing to go into the kitchen or go upstairs.
Howard said that he hates this daylight savings time thing. He said that he heard that this year was the last year but Robin didn't hear anything about that. Howard said that he only had to change one clock yesterday and his assistant took care of the rest of them.
Robin said that her assistant called her this morning to make sure she was up on time. She was afraid that she was going to forget that the clocks changed. Artie said that his mother would call him every year to remind him to change his clocks. He said that he's glad that she did that.
Gary said that he got a clock that knows the time and date even if it's unplugged. He said he got that from the Brookstone catalog.
Howard read a story about Victoria Beckham who refuses to wear flat shoes and has to bring heels with her everywhere she goes. Howard said that she is very good looking and he likes to read that she sticks to things that make her look good. Robin said that she thinks she's odd looking. Howard said that he thinks she's attractive.
Howard said he'd like to know why he doesn't shower. Richard came in and said that he wasn't feeling good last night so he just went to bed after eating. He said that he ate a sub that he got down in Florida. He said that he went to Publix supermarket and got a sub there. He said that their subs are amazing.
Artie said that he doesn't consider Richard human. Richard said that he just drank some Gatorade to get the taste of puke out of his mouth. He said that his girlfriend was there with him last night too. He said that he also shit when he was on the flight last night. She shit again this morning. He's taken at least 2 shits and puked on himself and he still hasn't showered.
Benjy said that he suggested to her that she get this done before the new year but she held off on it. Now she's got a new boyfriend. Benjy said that he hopes that she's okay but he's not going to be stopping by. Howard let Donna go a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that woman who was in the studio last week sounded like she had a chemistry going with Howard. Howard said that he did look her over but he wouldn't have done anything with her. He said that he has seduced some married women in his life though. He said that it's surprising how many people cheat on their spouses.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks that he could have gotten Dana when Artie was with her. Howard said that he would never do that to his bro, and Artie is his bro even if he doesn't think he is. He said that Dana was very loyal to him too and he's pretty sure that he wouldn't have been able to get her anyway.
Howard said that he believes that if there are 150 million women in this country, he could get about 100 million of them. He said he was making the rounds after his divorce and a lot of women were throwing themselves at him. He said that he did get turned down by a few but there were a lot who were coming after him.
Howard told a story about going into a store to buy some furniture and saw a really hot chick there. He said she worked there and he was immediately drawn to her. He said that he would probably be considered a sex addict. He said he did get her number at the furniture store but he never did call her. He said that she was really hot but he had so many other things going on that he never did call. He said that it was so easy to get chicks at that time that he didn't need to call that chick.
Howard talked about how happy he is with Beth. Robin said that she heard that she was going out and hugging some of the Wack Packers out at some event they went to. Howard said that she is very nice like that but he really doesn't want to see her doing that.
Howard said that he was disgusted with himself after that happened. Artie wanted to know how all of that had gone down. He said that he didn't want to get into too much detail but he knew both of the chicks before then. He said that they were on a couch when it all went down and he was at a party at the time. He said that they were just messing around and he was playing with the one chick's boobs and she was kind of groping him. He said that he didn't want to go that far with the whole thing at the time.
He said he had said no to the chick who had pulled his pants down but he wasn't going to try and have her arrested for rape or anything. He said they would have been laughed out of the business if he had done that.
Howard said he learned that the best blow jobs only come from those women who are really into giving them. He said that their mouths are just ready for it to happen and their mouths are all wet. That led to the guys talking about Robin and how she studied a video on how to do blow jobs.
A caller asked if that chick swallowed Howard's load. He said that she did swallow every drop of it. He said that he didn't stick around too long after that. He said it was about 30 seconds.
Richard asked Howard if the chicks that saw his penis were surprised at how big it was. He said that they were surprised that it wasn't smaller than it was. He said that none of them ever choked on him though.
The caller asked Howard if that was all the detail they were going to get. Howard said that's as far as he's going. He did say that the one chick who kind of raped him was kind of famous at the time. He didn't give any clues to help anyone figure out who she was though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they need to keep Richard out of the studio during conversations like that. Richard had asked Howard if he had gotten a finger in his ass with those two chicks. Richard said that he ran that past Gary before he came in.
Howard played a new clip from Cops where this woman is yelling at one of the cops and her teeth are falling out. She was screaming at the guy and asking the cops to take her life since they had just taken her kids from her.
Howard said that clip is the reason that he's such a supporter of the cops. He said that they have to deal with all of these low lifes. He had another clip where the cops went to the scene of an argument and this woman was threatening to shoot this guy as she was talking to the cops. She went off on them and told them not to talk to her the way they were. They go to arrest her and she tries to bite them. She continues to fight them while they're sticking her in the back of the police car.
Howard said that woman sounds kind of like the woman that Blue Iris called in a prank call one time. He played that call next. The guys had used clips of Blue talking about getting fucked and stuff and the woman on the line went off on her and did sound a lot like the woman in the Cops clip.
Howard said he had another clip of a newscaster saying ''cock'' instead of cookies. He played that clip from Keith Olberman's show. They're talking to this woman about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and she says ''tea and cock... cookies'' while explaining some story about Hillary.
Howard said that he was watching FOX news the other day and they have one good looking woman after the other on there. He said there were 3 yesterday that he thought were really hot. He said he still hasn't made up his mind about which one he'd rather fuck. He talked about one of the women who seemed really smart and was really hot. Then they had another one who was even hotter and sitting next to one of the nerdy guys they have on FOX news.
Howard got a picture of the woman who said ''cock'' and she was a little older than he expected. He said that she's probably a nice lady. He thought it was kind of hot when she said cock.
Howard said that if he wasn't with Beth, he'd probably go down to FOX today and just sit in the lobby waiting for the hot chicks to walk in. He said that they seem perfect. He figured that they might be a pain in the ass but they're definitely hot.
Howard said that Adam is going to be dancing with the hot blonde Julianne Hough that the guy from Entourage thought he was dating when he came in. Adam's wife had told him that she was fine with him dancing with anyone but that Julianne chick and then they stuck her with him.
Howard said that Adam thinks that the Julianne chick is still a virgin. Gary said that he spoke to Adam last night and he got the same rap from him about that chick. Howard said they'll talk to Adam about that stuff when he calls in soon.
Howard heard from Jimmy Kimmel that Adam is only practicing his dancing for about 30 minutes a day while Adam claims it's a couple of hours. Howard said that Adam is giving himself a B grade for his dancing based on the amount of time he's spending doing it.
The guys talked that Julianne chick for a couple of minutes and played one of her songs. They picked the song apart since she was singing about her hard life. Howard said it hit number 100 on the billboard charts.
Howard said that Adam will give them all of the details on that stuff when he calls in. He said that Adam was telling him that on the weekends Adam is able to get in more practice for the show but during the week it's a mess.
Gary read that Julianne is a Mormon and she's hoping to stay a virgin until she gets married. Howard was saying that they get like $50,000 to do that show even if they get kicked off. That led to the guys talking about the Celebrity Rehab reality show that was on VH-1. Robin said that she thought it was for celebrities and she doesn't even know most of the people on there.
Howard said that Adam is a weird guy. He said that he told him that they quoted Howard on his movie poster. Howard said they didn't ask his permission to do that but it was a little late to be bringing that up. Artie said they did that for his movie too without asking him first.
Robin said that the water contains a bunch of special liquids that have minerals in them so she can get them into her system. She said she got the jug from a supermarket, it's just distilled water, and then she puts in little tablespoons of different minerals. She said she's not even sure what it is. It wasn't Dr. Roni (21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox) who told her how to make it. She said she got the instructions from someone else. Howard gave her a big ''wow'' when he heard all of that.
Robin said that she's still losing weight and she's on a fast right now. That's going to last for 28 days and she's going to be getting rid of the toxins in her body. This fast is different than the last one she did. Robin said she's enjoying this though.
Howard told Robin that maybe she should just eat 3 meals a day. She said that it's not just about the weight loss. She said that she eats lettuce every day and doesn't care about what things taste like anymore. She said she was never off of bread, she eats vegetables and grain. She said that she just doesn't eat meat.
Howard said that Robin should have lost all of the weight that she wanted to lose by now. He told her that she should get rid of that jug and just eat something. She said that she eats when she wants to eat. She said that she has no metabolism and that's why she has to do the diet the way she does. She said that was self diagnosed though.
Robin said that she had some studies done on her blood and they found that she was anemic and she's never been able to give blood because of it. A caller told Robin that she has to just start eating normal meals 3 times a day. Robin said that she doesn't have a normal blood cell count.
Howard said that the water she's drinking is just weird. She's also drinking some special shakes and stuff while she's on this diet. Robin told the caller that she can't digest meat so that's why she's cut that out. She said that she's not the one complaining.
Howard asked Robin if she's got regular bowel movements. She said that she has one at least once a day. Howard asked if they're messy. She laughed but didn't answer. Howard asked her about the not digesting meat thing. She said that the meat just sits in her belly like a lead weight.
Howard said that he cares, that's why he's asking about all of this stuff. He asked her about the coffee enemas she does. Robin said that she's going to be doing that soon and she'll be doing that alone. She said that she does that on her own if she has to. She bragged that she =once held in the coffee enema water for about 20 minutes.
Richard said that Robin got all offended when someone suggested that she try some roast beef at Jon Hein's daughter's bat mitzvah. It's like she expects everyone to know what she does on her diet. Howard asked Robin about the enema thing and found out that she uses regular coffee from a health food store for the enemas. She never drinks coffee but she has no problem squirting it up her ass.
Howard said that he can't imagine taking a quart of liquid into his asshole. He said that you have to pucker up and hold it in. Robin said that it never leaks either. She said that if she feels she has to go to the bathroom she just goes. She said that she doesn't have to pump it in there either, it's gravity that feeds it in there.
Howard asked how big the object is that you stick in your ass. She said that it's very small. She said that it goes in about 6-8 inches. The guys were surprised by that. Robin said that she reads and meditates while she's sitting around waiting for the enema to do its thing.
Howard asked what happens when she goes to let the enema out. She said that sometimes doody will come out and she has to inspect the toilet to make sure that everything came out. She said that nothing but doody and coffee come out though.
Howard said that he could do a full 4 hour show just talking to Robin about this stuff. He said her jug of water was the size of her head. He told Robin that she really does look good these days. He heard that she was thinking about changing her hair style but she said that wasn't true. Howard heard she was going blonde. She said that she never did that but she does color her hair black because it turns grey over time.
Howard said he was fascinated by all of this stuff. He wanted to set up a competition with Judith Regan to find out who can hold it in the longest. Robin said she has no idea how long Judith can hold it in.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Howard is able to keep the weight off no matter what. Howard said that's bull, he has to work his ass off to keep the weight off. Dominic said that some people suffer and aren't able to keep the weight off as easy as Howard. Howard said that he was out running on Saturday in the rain. He said that he wanted to punch Dominic for saying that it was easy. He said that he went up to 196 pounds this weekend and cut his food and deserts down and he's already lost a couple of pounds. He'll be down to 192 by the end of the week.
Howard said that he doesn't think that the enema thing is good for you. He said he could never shove something in his ass like that. He said that if there is a god or some grand designer, then they didn't have it in mind to be shoving something up there like that. Robin said the grand designer didn't plan on having big cities and things like that in this world either.
Howard found out that it was Dr. Roni who told Robin about how to do the coffee enema thing. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that before Howard had to take another break.
Sal came in and said that he was reading but he only reads a few lines and then loses interest. He said that he was reading a story about a kid who was arrested or something. He said that he read about some models who had trashed a hotel room. He read about Hillary Clinton being a flip flopper about the war.
Howard said that he did get some information then. Artie asked him what he read about in Page Six but Sal didn't answer.
Howard said that they were talking about Letterman earlier and Artie reminded him of this bit that Letterman did where he took complaint line calls. He said they did some digging and found some old clips from Dave's show where he did that. He played one clip where Dave picked up and the woman told him she wanted to get a hold of Howard Stern because she wanted him to have his party at her house. Dave said he could put her though to Howard but he wanted something too. She said that she had some pretty girlfriends that she could introduce him to. Dave talked about the popular and peculiar show that Howard was doing there at NBC at the time.
Howard said that there were some interesting things there. He said that he can't believe that NBC fired him. He said that the phone lines used to burn up because of his show. They didn't know how well the radio division could have done with him there. He said that clip wasn't the only one where Dave's callers mentioned his name.
Artie said that wasn't the bit he remembered but it was interesting to hear that because the audience was going nuts when they heard Howard's name. He was making an impact even back then, around 1983 or so. Howard said that was amazing to him that NBC dropped him after all of that. Howard said that Dave became aware of him back then and eventually put him on his show.
Howard got some feedback about the Amy Fisher interview and some people said they were glad she left as quickly as she did. He got some feedback about him talking about his parents.
He got some negative mail about Lisa G snooping around the offices there. He read through one of those e-mails where the guy went off on her for being such a Yenta and a wannabe high society type. He read some about his goofing on Gary. He said that some people didn't like that he was making fun of him.
some people wrote in about JD and his fight with Jared. He said that one person said JD would look kind of like a young Jackson Browne if he wore contacts.
There was one guy who asked Howard to have his father make his Belmont race track picks on the air. Howard said they might be able to do that. He read some feedback about Jay Thomas' show that aired on Friday morning. A lot of people liked the show. Some people were upset about the number of adds that aired during that show though.
Steve said that they have a scene in a movie that Jackie the Joke Man was in and they have about half a dozen references to Howard Stern in that scene. Howard said that it's amazing that Jackie is getting so much press these days and he must have some publicist working for him now. That led to Howard doing his impression of Jackie and goofing on him for a short time.
The guys were talking about some of the little mentions that Jackie has been getting lately in the paper. Artie said one of them was about where Jackie was seen out eating one day recently. Howard did more of his impression and goofed on Jackie some more after hearing that. Robin figured that Jackie was his own publicist and wasn't paying anyone to put those stories out there.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran through some of the stuff they were going to try and cover today. He mentioned Callena the playboy evaluation chick, Richard's puking on a plane, JD's new game, Scott DePace and Jason, Howard's three way and much more.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about the Dave Clark 5 during that story that Robin was doing. Howard played some of their stuff too. Fred threw in some wrestler Goldust clips while they were playing one of their songs.
Howard played some clips of some other bands that were being inducted. Howard was doing his morning DJ voice for all of the songs when he'd introduce them. When he played some Little Walter, Fred threw in some more of the Goldust clips where he was stammering from his tourettes.
Robin read a story about St. Patrick's day and some controversy going on about it. That led to Artie talking about how his father's 65th birthday would have been on this St. Patrick's day. Howard said that his dog's birthday is on that day too.
Robin read some other stories like how this month is nutrition month. Artie said that doesn't make sense because you can't have St. Patrick's day and nutrition month in the same month.
Robin read a story about Heath Ledger and how he left his infant child out of his will. Howard talked about how that guy should have set his kid up in the will as soon as it was born. He said that anyone who has a kid has to get their will done to make sure the kid is taken care of.
Robin read a story about how the rumors of a new Seinfeld TV show are false. That got Howard doing his Seinfeld impression and talking about the new show ''Kramer Loves nig*ers'' that he was working on. He said that maybe they could send Kramer to Africa and have him trying to prove he loves black people. He said that they have to call it that name because that's his thing, to yell out the N-word. He thinks that they could put it on NBC. Robin wasn't so sure about that.
Robin read some more stories about the cost of the Iraq war, $12 billion a month. Howard said that we could do so many other things in this world with money like that. He said that the company is going to be bankrupt in no time if we keep that up. The guys talked about how they had some contaminated water over there and that led to Artie talking about how he'll probably end up getting sick when he goes over to entertain the troops. He may end up calling in sick from the Middle East. Fred threw in the Henry Hill coughing clip while they were talking about that. Howard had to make him stop because it was so gross.
Robin said that the average price of gas is $3.20 for regular around the country. She said that it's going to be heading higher too and it's climbed 9 cents in the past two weeks alone.
Robin read a story about Barack Obama so Howard said that he can't bring himself to vote for that guy, he's a Hillary man himself. They spent a little time on that and then Robin read some more news about John McCain. The guys spent a while talking about him and about some stories they'd heard about him.
Robin read a story about a 10 year old kid who was buried head first by some friends of his in a sand box. He's now in critical condition.
Robin read another story about Jenna Jameson doing an ad campaign for a company. She wrapped up after that so Howard ended the show right around 11:00am.
Gary talked about how he prepares the guys for days when they don't have any guests and JD has about 4 pages of clips that they haven't gotten to. They were also talking about the show that they were thinking about giving to JD.
JD brought up this Callena girl who kind of showed up there this morning out of nowhere. Gary said that things have changed there at SIRIUS because guests can't just pop in and get up to the studio like they used to do at K-Rock. He said that they really haven't had that many people show up like they used to.
Gary said that Callena was 18 with some guy and it was a whole weird situation so they let her come up. He said that Will went down and checked her out and he came back with some information on her. They brought her up with the guy and Gary said that he thought that something odd was going on there so he figured it would be good for the air.
Gary also talked about how Callena was laying on the couch and had her legs up in the air like she was doing a photo shoot. He said that she's a much different 18 year old than other 18 year olds he knows. Benjy said she was talking about her tight pussy at that point too which was odd.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from that segment where they were talking to Callena about the creepy guy she was there with. Gary said that it was pretty easy to get her to take her pants off around that time. He said that Robin helped out too because she was giving her some advice to go for it while she was there.
Gary said that he can't go off on the girls like Ronnie does. He said that Ronnie has that ability to get girls to strip down though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie talked a stripper into getting naked, that's no big deal. Gary said that she wasn't going to strip before Ronnie came in. He said that he could have done it himself but he didn't think it was worth it.
Jon asked the guys if they think she could be in Playboy. Gary said she needs to work on some areas. Benjy wasn't sure. Gary said her boobs weren't done very well and they looked like stripper boobs.
Jon took another call and the guy said he loves the show but it was kind of creepy when a 50 year old guy is brow beating an 18 year old to take her clothes off. Gary told the guy that she's a stripper already at 18 and she's seen a lot of stuff in her life already. That's not a normal 18 year old. The caller said that he can't get past that 18 year old girl thing and he had to change the station because it was too uncomfortable. Gary said that he can't get a feel for what was going on if he changed the channel.
The guy said that he'd be fine with it if they didn't brow beat her into doing it. He said that it was creepy when Ronnie was going off on her the way he was. Jon said he's kind of creeped out by it too but she was there to be evaluated for Playboy so she knew what she was in for when she came in.
Ronnie came in so Gary and Jon told him what the caller was just saying about him. Ronnie said that she was all about taking her clothes off and riding the Sybian when he spoke to her in the lobby. He didn't think it was that big of a deal. He said that she's a stripper in a 2-bit strip club in Vegas. The caller was still creeped out by the 18 year old thing. Gary said that if he can't get past that then nothing they say is going to help.
Ronnie got a compliment from Howard during that segment so Jon asked him how he felt about that. Ronnie said that it was a surprise because he's usually getting bashed during the show. He said that she was okay but she had zits all over her face. He said that she was good looking though. Gary said he was right, she just needs to clear up the face and fix the boobs. Jon thought that the face might be easier to fix but then he thought about it and said that maybe it's not.
Benjy said he kind of liked the stretch marks she had on her ass. He said that those marks are probably because her ass just exploded into that nice curvy ass she had. Gary said that he doesn't know that's where they came from. Gary said that he doesn't know that they came from her ''exploding.''
Jon took one more call about this subject. the caller said that the girl knew what she was up there for and Ronnie was fine doing what he did. Gary said that there are 18 year olds who are much different. Some know that life and others don't. This girl had a lot of experience in that way.
Gary said that Callena had that annoying giggle that strippers have. He goofed on her a little bit about that. Benjy said that he thought she was older than that but Ronnie had checked her ID and knew that she was telling the truth about that.
Richard said that he figured that he'd tell Gary about it since he doesn't vomit every time he drinks. He said that it was the first time it happened in years. He said that he's still pissed that he didn't record it. He said that he was making that really deep vomiting sound that he makes too. Richard said he reached to his bag to unzip it to get the recorder out but it was too late. He said he didn't want to puke on the bag because it's really nice. Richard said that the terrorist looking guy had to have seen it but he didn't see his reaction to it.
The guys talked about the hotel that Richard and his girlfriend stayed at. Richard said that tacky doesn't bother him as long as they have a clean room for him. He said that she was great after he puked too. Gary said that he's not going to find a better chick than that because not too many women would put up with stuff like that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Richard might need some help because he doesn't seem to be all there about some of this stuff. She said that he needs their help to figure out how to do normal stuff.
Gary and Jon talked to Richard about the heavy drinking that he does on the weekends and how that really is like an alcoholic. Richard admits that he is one but he doesn't seem to think that there's a problem there. He said that he's a lightweight now because back in high school he was really crazy. He would actually drink before school. He would piss his pants during reading class because the teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom. He said that he's a responsible alcoholic now. Richard said that it wasn't an every day before school thing back then. He said it was just once in a while.
Gary asked what class that was in that he peed his pants. Richard said it was reading class and they'd just reading books to each other.
Jon asked the woman on the phone if she thinks that Richard is retarded. She said that she thinks that everyone is retarded in their own way. She talked about how maybe he needs to step back and look at what he's doing with his life because he's puking in a public place.
Richard said that he was on the beach this weekend and just enjoying his drinking. He said he felt like he was living life to the fullest while doing all of that. Gary said he thinks that Richard uses flying as an excuse to drink and that's not good. He said that he could go to the doctor and get a prescription for pills that could help calm him down.
Richard said that he's tried drugs and he really doesn't like them. He said that he's afraid of taking too many. He said that he also wants to be able to drink when he wants and doesn't want to mix the pills and alcohol. He said he doesn't mind flying now because he can drink and watch his vide iPod. He said that it is kind of true that he can fly and drink and that's a good excuse to drink.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Richard is the one who needs the most help on the show. Gary said that Artie is right up there too. JD is on that list of people who need help as well. The guys spent a short time going over all of those people. They even threw Sal's name in there. Benjy said that he thinks Sal's life is really out of whack. Gary said they could all benefit from help.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he feels the same way about flying that Richard does. He has to drink a ton before he gets on a plane. He said that he has to have a few drinks a day too.
Richard said that he's been pretty good this year and cut back on his drinking. He said that he does kind of drink to excess on that one day a week he drinks. He said he's afraid that he's going to go nuts at the Maiden concert this week. He said he'll probably get drunk and puke from drinking too much. He said he has some Vans Iron Maiden shoes that he'll be wearing to that concert. Richard said that the lead singer of the band actually flies the band around the world because he's a pilot. He said he may even go out to the airport to see the Iron Maiden plane land. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he found it odd that Scott got mad that someone was pulling his friend out of the ladies room. Scott said that he would attack anyone who would touch his friend and he'd hope that all of them would do the same for him. He said that the bar was a piece of crap bar and the guy overreacted to what his friend did. He said that the bouncer pulled on him and he got in his face and then he left the bar.
Scott said that he heard that Jason was the one who ran and started this story and he wasn't even there. He said that he doesn't know that he was out of control, he didn't see any of what happened. Jason said he heard a lot of stories from people and they all said the same thing, that's what he's going by.
Scott said that he wasn't out of control, his friend may have been a little out of control. Jason said that from what he heard he was out of control. Jason said that he heard that Scott's friend had spit beer on someone there at the bar and he should call that guy in to ask him what happened. Scott said that this kid Ben had made his friend laugh when he had beer in his mouth and he accidentally spit on him. He said that he did call to apologize to him because he figured that his friend wouldn't have done that if he wasn't drunk.
Scott got upset when Jason called him an asshole and said that everyone gets pissed at him when he calls Jason names. Gary said that the two of them are out of control.
Scott said that Jason was making him out to look like he was a drunk and that just wasn't the case. Jason said that Scott really doesn't know what he's talking about. He said that people come to him with these stories about Scott and then the news team comes to him and asks him to comment on them. Jason said he doesn't get why Scott takes his bad weekend out on him.
Will came in and said that his girlfriend was in the bathroom when Scott's friend barged in and they let out a scream. He wasn't doing it on purpose according to Scott. He said he was only in there for about half a second before he got snatched out.
Scott got in another plug for his Video Caddy web site TheVideoCaddy.com. They spent a minute talking about that and how Scott had raised the price by 10 bucks. Scott said that he's gotten a lot of great feedback about it and it's selling just fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it doesn't matter if Scott is acting like an asshole, Jason shouldn't be commenting on it. Jason said that he said he wasn't there when they interviewed him about that.
Another caller said that Jason is taking it too far and Scott had the right to defend his friend. Jason said that he was just responding to a question he got from the news department.
Benjy said that Scott said something about Doug Goodstein telling him to stop talking about Jason. Scott said that he was told by Doug that Jason wanted to end this battle. Doug came in and said that Jason did want to end it and he's not sure why Jason keeps resurrecting this whole thing. He said that he wanted to stop it both on a personal and a professional level so the two of them don't get into trouble.
Scott said that he's back to World War III levels with Jason now if he wants to continue the battle. Jason said that he loves the way Scott gets so upset with him and he had no idea he had so much power over his life. He said that he gets so angry with him and he finds it so funny.
Gary said that it is funny that Scott is so upset with Jason and he sees what he's talking about. He gets really worked up when Jason brings up his name. Scott said that he's constantly making fun of him and all he's done is call him fat.
Jason said that Scott acts all innocent but meanwhile he's goofing on him behind his back. He pointed out the fact that he got busted for posting on web sites under other names. Jason also said that he's going to start a web site called TheVideoCaddySucks.com and he'll teach people how to save 70 bucks.
Howard started off the show talking about the weather in New York City and how it was going to be a nice day. He welcomed everyone to the show but Robin asked if anyone else cared what the weather was like there. Howard said of course they do.
Howard said that he had a story to talk about this morning and he's pretty sure everyone knows about it by now. It's a big disgrace. He said that he was going to talk about Billy Crystal playing an exhibition game with the Yankees. He said that they've signed him to a contract that will allow him to play against the Pirates. Robin wondered why they would do that and said that it shows that the team is a big joke at this time.
Howard read through an article about that Billy Crystal thing and then brought up the Elliot Spitzer story and how he enjoyed watching TV yesterday because of that. He said that he backed Spitzer himself for the run for governor. He said that he was known as a pitbull and he liked what he had heard about him. He even saw him out on the street one day when he was out for a run and the guy came over and said hello to him. He said that he's always impressed when someone comes up to him and isn't disgusted by him so he liked that.
Robin said she was gleeful yesterday when she heard about this story. Howard said that they're going to have a black and blind governor now that Spitzer has to step down.
Robin said that they pulled out former NJ governor McGreevey's wife to ask her what it's like to be disgraced by her husband. Howard said that he was reading and hearing stories about Spitzer's experiences with prostitutes and it sounded like he was into some strange stuff. Robin said he paid a lot for the services he was getting too.
Howard said that Spitzer was involved with bringing a woman over state lines and that's something you can go to jail for. He said they hardly ever go after the John's in these busts but he's going to get in trouble over the money transfer stuff he was doing. Howard said he didn't quite understand what was going on there with this money thing. He wondered if the money transfer is the thing that triggered the whole investigation. Robin said that she thinks that might be it but the prostitution ring may have been under investigation too.
Howard said that you can have two attitudes toward this whole thing. He said that this guy Spitzer is a guy just like anyone else. He may have been with whores but a lot of guys do that. He said that the problem is that he was very much for busting prostitution rings. He said that the real thing there is that he compromises the office with this because organized crime is linked to stuff like that. He said that a lot of the girls he saw knew who he was when he went to see them and they could turn around and blackmail him. Howard and Robin talked about how that would open him up to blackmail and that's a huge issue.
Howard wondered if someone like that can be a good governor. He said that he was against Bill Clinton fucking an intern but he let that slide because she was a regular chick. He said that everyone seems to be up to fucking around and it's crazy.
Howard said he talked to his mother about this last night and she said that there's something with this sex drive that doesn't allow people to control themselves. He asked her if she's got any sex drive of her own. She said that she can control it and knows the right thing to do. He said that she doesn't seme to have any sex drive of her own.
Howard wondered how Spitzer thought he was going to get away with this stuff. He said that the guy is the son of a man who came up in the streets who was a developer type. He said the guy is worth about a billion dollars so Spitzer kind of grew up as a boy of privilege. He said he grew up in private schools and stuff like that. He went to Harvard. Howard said that his father was hoping for his son to be the first Jewish President and that's what they groomed him for.
Howard said that he tried to do that with his daughter by telling her he wanted her to be a lawyer. He said that she told him ''fuck you'' when he told her that so he doesn't get the respect that some fathers do. He said that Spitzer's family wanted him to get into politics and to make it big. He's been around for a long time at 48 years old and maybe Spitzer didn't really want to get into politics like his father wanted him to.
Howard said that if you really want to make it big as a governor and maybe become President, you don't risk it like this guy has. He said that his family is worth a billion dollars so he doesn't have to worry so much about losing his job. He said that it could be a big ''F-You'' to his dad for all they know.
Artie said that some people just can't control themselves no matter what position they're in. That could be what screwed him up.
Howard said that he'd love to see what goes on in the house when Spitzer tries to fix things with his wife. He said that would make a great reality show. He said that his wife is a beauty and she now has to deal with this stuff. He said he'd like to know how he convinced his wife to come up on stage with him while he was talking about this stuff.
Howard said that Spitzer has 3 daughters and he can't imagine walking back into the house after doing something like that. Robin said that the daughters looked like they loved their father but she can't imagine what they were actually thinking. Robin said that the wife was looking like she'd just been hit by a train. They talked about how she used to smile all the time but yesterday she wasn't smiling at all and looked like she'd aged 20 years.
Robin said that there was another story about a Mayor in Detroit who had his wife up on stage with him when he was talking about something he'd done wrong and she's not sure why they drag them up on stage. Gary said that Spitzer hasn't resigned yet so if she's not there when he makes a statement, he's got no chance at all.
Gary said he was looking at Spitzer's wife and thinking that maybe she's just not fucking him the way he needs to be fucked. Howard said that they've been together for 23 years and maybe things are just getting old. The guy probably just wanted some strange. Robin said that he should go to the wife and tell her that he needs something new but he doesn't want to screw up the family.
Howard said he still doesn't get why the guy thought he was going to get away with this whole thing. The guys talked about how much of a fluke it was that he got caught. Howard pointed out that Jerry Springer was a mayor of a city until he wrote a check to a hooker and got caught.
Howard said that he's still trying to figure out how Spitzer got caught. Fred thinks that someone dropped the dime on him and busted him. Howard said that he thinks that maybe the taxes thing got him caught. He was doing all kinds of strange things to pay these women and maybe that's what got him busted.
Artie said that he's pretty much a whore expert and you never haggle about a price. He said that the girls just aren't rational people. He said that's why he paid that one chick her $500 even though he didn't know that she was a whore. He said that he just wanted to get her out of there without a problem.
Howard was reading about the $4300 that Spitzer had paid this one chick. He ended up sticking her on a train to send her back down to Washington DC. He didn't even send her on the nice train, he just stuck her on the cheap one.
Gary asked if you're supposed to tip a whore. Artie said that's not necessary. Gary said it would be a weird thing to tip on. Howard said that you just don't haggle with a whore but that money that Spitzer paid was a lot of money. He said that he must have had to have guaranteed her 4 hours or something since he brought her up from DC.
Howard asked the guys if they think that Spitzer will resign. Robin, Gary and Artie all said that he will. Fred said that he should stay on because it's more fun if he does. Howard said that he thinks that he's done because he's compromising the office with this kind of stuff.
Howard said that it started with the weird financial transactions. Robin said that they're not going to say that it came from a tip even if it did. Dominic and Robin were arguing with him saying that it may not have just been that money transfer. Dominic talked about how many bank transactions happen every day and how that shouldn't put up a red flag. Howard disagreed and said that it was tied to a government official so that's why it would case a red flag.
Howard said that they could have thought that it was some kind of bribe or something going on. That could have led to the investigation and Spitzer getting busted. Howard said he didn't want to argue with Dominic about this all day. Dominic told Howard some details about the story and he thinks that he had some money transferred from that account or wrote a check and that's what could have gotten him busted.
Howard said that he had no idea who the Lieutenant Governor was. He said that he just learned that it was a black, blind guy. He said it was actually a surprise that Spitzer chose the guy because he didn't back him in the election. That means that this guy might become the governor as early as today.
Howard talked about this Lieutenant Governor guy and how he went blind when he was just 3 months old. He said that he heard about his family sending him to a regular school and how he never learned brail. He just had audio books and people reading to him.
Howard said that the prostitute will probably end up getting book deals and end up on FOX news as a news anchor. Dominic said that they're going to be paying her a lot of money to find out the whole story behind this.
Howard said that Spitzer is going to take a beating on this one. Some people think he should keep his job because in other countries they get away with behavior like that. Howard said that his judgment is questionable after this but maybe he could be governor and continue to do a good job.
Riley Martin called in and said that he's glad that they still have men who like pussy. Howard said that he's right. Riley said that it's 51 percent women in this country and those extra women can't be left unfucked. He said that some people will go out of their way to give a young lady a nice fuckin. He said that there are a lot of boy fucking,petty, blood sucking mother fuckers down in Washington DC but this guy was with women at least. Howard thanked him for that and went to some more calls.
A woman called in and asked about why they're not letting this guy get away with this while Mayor Marion Barry got away with what he did and got reelected.
Howard gave Riley a plug for his show which is on tonight at midnight. He took a call from King of All Blacks who asked what unsafe act was that Spitzer wanted to do with the chick. He thought that it was shitting on her or something. Howard said that it could have been as simple as fucking without a condom but there was some mention of S&M so it could have had to do with that.
King said that he knows that Howard never wore a wedding band when he was married and he wondered if he'd wear one with Beth. Howard said he's thinking of getting a tattoo or another ring. He said that he could make the ring he's wearing now his wedding ring. King said that it would be very disrespectful if he started to wear a ring now if he didn't wear one in the past. Howard hung up on him and told him that was silly. He's not going to base the new marriage on what he did in the past.
Gary came in and told Howard about how Jerry Springer tried to run for Governor after his prostitution bust. He had an audio clip of Springer talking about his bust and how he wanted to run for Ohio governor. He wanted to turn the state around and he was running on the fact that he had been busted.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's tired of these politicians who get caught doing the things that they claim to be against. Howard said that they all have to act like they're above all of this stuff but they're all human. He said that they make mistakes. He said that the guy is still capable of being governor, but he just can't stay in that office. He said he looks pervy now and he won't be able to keep the job being looked at that way.
Howard said that you really don't want the job if you're going to take risks like that. Artie said that he would never risk his job by going on heroin and missing a week of work or anything like that.
Howard said that he's actually not even sure how great of a governor this guy was. He didn't know a lot of what he had been up to. Robin said that he really wasn't doing all that great of a job from what she was reading.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard that maybe Spitzer was into this Pittsburgh Platter type of thing with the prostitute. Howard said he knew a guy who liked that. He said it's mostly white guys who are into weird stuff like that.
Gary asked if she's going to leave because of what happened or the fact that she has to deal with the whole aftermath. Howard said that she doesn't need to be in this and she'll get out.
Robin said that Spitzer should have had some woman on the side that wouldn't screw him over like this. Howard read that he didn't even lock his door for this whore. He said that they must have security cameras in the halls of the hotel too so he could have been busted over something like that.
Howard started to sing a song from Fiddler on the Roof doing it as if he were Spitzer singing to his wife. That led to Howard reading a story about Spitzer's wife Silda and where that name came from.
Howard said that he'd like to try and act this out as if he were Spitzer talking to his wife. He had Robin pretending to be Silda. He went into the story about how he was about to be busted for doing something horrible. Howard said he's not good with stuff like that himself but he wanted to try and act it out. He broke the news to Robin saying that they were going to get out of the governor's mansion soon because of something that was going on and then said the good news was that he was gay. Then he'd say ''no, no, no... that's not it'' and break the news to her in another way. He said that you give her the worst news you can and then give her the real news.
Howard, as Spitzer, broke the news to Robin, telling her that this news was about to become public. Robin, as Silda, said she was going home to her mother. Howard told her that he knew that he had screwed up their whole thing. He and Robin played their parts for a couple of minutes. They went back and forth working out the whole thing. Howard ended up telling his wife that she needs a coffee enema but forgot that Robin was playing the part of Silda, not playing herself. That then went into Howard talking about drinking the coffee from that enema and the guys in the studio letting out a sigh of disgust when they heard that.
Howard changed his tune and did his Spitzer part as if he was the pre-therapy Howard Stern. He blamed everything on the woman instead of taking any of the blame himself. He then gave Silda a bag with half of his money in it. Fred played a car peeling out sound effect after Howard gave her the money bag.
Robin said that she'd like to know what's in every other politician's closet after hearing this story. She said that Spitzer's father is going to be pissed about the kind of money he spent on his campaign.
Howard went back into that acting out Spitzer telling his wife bit and told her that they were out as governor and the black, blind guy was going to take over for him. He told her that they were going to make it possible to have a black governor in New York.
Howard said that Erica Ellyson is coming in too. She was one of the girls who was at Letterman with Artie that night that Vinnie Favale fucked up Artie's relationship with Dana. Artie didn't remember which one she was or if she was the one who was supposed to give him the hand job.
Howard said that chick Erica is really hard core too. He was watching some of her movies and saw her doing this blow bang thing and it was just random guys who weren't shaved down or anything. He said that one of the guys took his penis and started whacking her in the head with it telling her to blow him. She was in the middle of blowing another guy while that guy was pounding her on the head. Howard played some audio from Erica's movie where she's begging a guy to do her while moaning and screaming.
Howard said that he has sex on his mind 24 hours a day and he likes to read these stories about guys like Spitzer because it shows that they're thinking about the same thing. He said that he uses that story against Beth telling her that if he doesn't get sex every other day at least then he might end up just like Spitzer.
Howard mentioned that Pete Burns from the band Dead or Alive is going to be calling in later in the show from England. He said they were talking about him the other day and found out that he became a woman. He played some of their music and went to break a short time later.
The caller said that she's constantly talking about her dieting and the stuff she drinks. Robin said that people ask her about it and she'll respond. She doesn't bring it up herself. The caller pointed out some stuff that she does bring up on her own. Robin called him an idiot as Howard was hanging up on the guy.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard the commercial for this Ashley Madison web site that they promote on the show. He said that he's been considering doing something like that because his wife doesn't blow him or let him eat her out or anything like that. He said that they've been married for 8 years. Howard said that maybe she doesn't like it. He said that she just lays there. Howard asked if she makes noise during sex. He said she does a little bit. Artie told him that maybe she just doesn't dig him.
Robin said it sounds like she just wants him to get it over with and she's just doing her duty and getting it done with. Howard said that maybe she's just into the intercourse part and doesn't want the oral. the guy said that she used to be really sexually active but after the kid was born, it all went downhill. He said that it's getting worse and worse. He said that he's thinking about the Ashley Madison web site but he was wondering if Howard would ever do something like that.
Howard said that Beth doesn't enjoy some stuff he'd like to do but she does bang him a lot so he's pretty satisfied there. He said that he'd get out of the marriage immediately if she wasn't into sex at all. Robin said that this guy is saying that he loves everything but the fact that he doesn't get sex. Howard told him to get out then.
Howard said that he has to tell this woman that he wants to have sex but she's not satisfying him. Howard told the guy that he'd tell her for him if he wanted. The guy said that was okay, he didn't want to do that. Howard told the guy he has to tell the woman what he's thinking. He said that he has to tell her that he wants to be with her and not some other woman but she has to do something for him. He said that he has to be honest and tell her that he needs sex and if she's not into him then she has to let him go out and find someone to fuck.
The guy said that he meets a lot of different women out on the road driving a truck. Howard said that you have to put up with a lot of shit out on the road like that. He said that the guy sounds like a decent guy and he deserves something nice from his wife.
Howard said that maybe the guy and his wife should go to therapy and if things don't work out, maybe they should split up. He said that the cheating thing may not solve anything, it may make things even worse. He said that a lot of guys cheat and kind of block it out. The truth is that they feel guilty all the time.
Robin said that she met a threesome, a husband, wife and secretary, and they all came to her at different times of the day and told her their side of the story. They were all miserable and wanted the others to let the others go. She said it was a nightmare. Howard said that's what could happen to this guy if he starts cheating.
Howard said that it's really tough and it depends on what road you want to go down. He told the caller to go home and talk to his wife honestly about this stuff.
The caller, Mike, said that his wife told him that she had a hormone rush after their kid was born and that's why she's not into sex that much. Howard told him that's bullshit and he should just go home and talk to her tonight. He let him go after that. Robin asked Artie if he and Dana are still talking. Artie laughed and said ''No.''
Lisa had a story about Beth O telling her that she has a few designers in mind for her wedding dress. Howard told her that she just told her that because she's trying to get her off her back.
Lisa said that they have a Page 69 story about Jackie asking for interns for his show which is only one hour a week. Gary said that he heard about that and he asked for multiple interns and had no explanation for why he needed them. That led to Howard goofing on Jackie for a short time.
Bree said that she'd even give up the porn for him. She had something on her breasts that the guys noticed so they asked her what was going on there. She said that she hadn't checked them earlier. She and Erica had been messing around in the bathroom earlier so it may have been some lipstick or something.
Howard asked to see Bree's breasts so she whipped them out for him. Howard said they were nice but then got right back into the discussion about how she couldn't possibly be into him. Howard said that he finds it very hard to believe when he sees the guys that she's doing in the porn.
Howard said that Bree is into chicks so that would be one positive about dating her. He said that her sexuality is really intense too. He said that she sticks a finger in her ass when she's having sex and stuff and it seems like she's really into stuff like that. She said she is.
Howard talked to Bree about what it would be like if they were a couple. He said that he figures that everything would go in the bedroom. She agreed with that and said she really loves to do oral and things like that. She said that you can't hide that in movies and stuff.
Howard said that Bree was on a reality show as a nanny and that showed how weird these reality shows are. She's no nanny and she had no business being one. He asked how she ended up in ''Keeping up With the Kardashians.'' She said that she was asked by her agency to do it. She didn't think that people would recognize her. Howard said it makes it seem like these shows are scripted. She said she couldn't say anything about that because she didn't want to get into trouble. Howard said that it's obvious that she's acting there because she's a porn star.
Howard said that Bruce Jenner got all freaked out when he found out who Bree was. She said that he was actually a very nice man. Howard said that he's a freaky looking dude but Bree wouldn't say a negative word about him.
Howard asked Bree about the movie he was talking about earlier where the guy was bonking her on the head with this penis to get her to blow him. Howard said that he'd be worried about STDs while doing stuff like that. She said that they all get tested frequently so she figures she's fine.
Howard said that Erica is the chick who said that she was going to give Artie a hand job the last time she was on. Howard said that she said that she thought Artie was in his 50s and that's too old for her. She said that was taken out of context. Howard said she did say it though. She said that she's never really dated anyone older than 2 years older than her.
Howard asked Bree about this French guy who banged her for over an hour and a half when she was starting out in the business. She said that it was pretty brutal. Erica said that she can't imagine that for nearly that much time. Robin said she couldn't take it for that long either. She said that the guy who did her in San Francisco wasn't in there for very long at all. Howard figured that maybe the guy was gay and that's why he stayed in there so long.
Howard heard that Bree really likes to have phone sex with her fans and stuff. She said that she does that on her web cam and she once had sex with her phone when a guy asked her to stick it in her pussy. She told Howard about some other stuff that she's done and that led to Howard asking her to dance for JD to demonstrate what he lap dances were like. She wanted to do it for Howard but he told her that he's about to get married.
Howard had JD come in and told Bree that he's his son. She said that she'd feel really weird about dancing for him if that would become her step-son some day. Bree still didn't want to dance for JD even though Howard told her that she couldn't dance for him.
JD said that he was going to go back to his office and kill himself now. Howard told him to stick around and try out some phone sex with her instead. JD didn't sound too interested in that either.
Howard asked Erica about being in Penthouse magazine. She said that they get paid about $100,000 a year when they become a Pet of the Year. Howard asked her about meeting Bree early this morning and how they ended up in the bathroom making out. They said they just met and had some fun in there. They explained how they were helping each other get ready for the show and when Bree went to fix Erica's panties, they started to mess around.
Howard asked about who was doing what. They said that they just kissed and maybe brushed over the panties. They weren't getting too X-rated, just R-rated.
Howard said that he and Artie used to go into the bathroom and fix each other's underwear and stuff. He said that they'd just brush over their underwear and stuff, they never really acted on it. Howard said that he wonders what their lives are like because it sounds very sexual.
Howard asked Erica if she heard what she was responsible for. He told her about Artie's relationship with the ''long suffering'' Dana that night that she was going to Letterman with Artie. Howard said that Erica agreed to give Artie a hand job and Vinnie Favale at the Letterman show accidentally e-mailed Dana and told her about what was going to happen that night.
Erica said that she felt really bad because Artie was really upset. Artie said that he found out on the ride to Letterman what had happened and he flipped out on Teddy at first. Erica said that it was a very intense ride. Artie said that Dana is now done ''suffering.'' Artie figured that it never would have happened with Erica anyway.
Erica said that she didn't hook up with anyone that night but Artie started to say that the girls had hooked up with someone. Howard heard that Erica said that she would hook up with Teddy but not Artie. Howard asked Teddy to come in after that. Artie was laughing when he heard that.
Howard heard that Erica hung out with Pauly Shore recently. She told Howard that she didn't do anything with him but he has been asking her to hang out with him.
Howard gave the girls a plug for the March issue of Penthouse magazine and said that they're going to be appearing at the Romantic Depot in Paramus, New Jersey tomorrow night from 6-8pm. He said that you can get Bree's DVDs at PenthouseStore.com.
Howard asked the girls what they would look like making out together. He wanted them to do it but they really didn't want to do it. Erica passed her gum over to Bree and Bree chewed that for a second and then went in for the kiss. They made out for a few seconds. Howard said that they really know how to make out. He figured that was the real deal then.
Howard asked the girls to take their tops off so they did that and made out some more. Erica had to take her whole dress off. They made out a little more and then Howard wrapped up and went to break.
The guys saw a picture of Pete from the reality show and he had weird lip injections. Howard said that you can look him up on YouTube and see the yellow goo that was coming out of his lips. He had to have all kinds of reconstructive surgery on his lips because of that.
Artie said that he has something strange going on with his eyes too. Howard said that was red eye liner or something.
Howard said that Gary contacted his people and managed to get in contact with the guy. It turns out that he is aware of him and he's apparently a fan. He read both of his books and he likes the black woman on the show. Howard said that must be Fred he's talking about.
Howard played Pete's song ''You Spin Me Round'' and sang along to it a little bit. He said that he still talks with a male voce even though he's had a sex change operation. Fred threw in some Curly clips from the Three Stooges while they were playing the song. Howard also played Richard's ''Brown Mound'' song parody to the tune of that Dead or Alive song. Artie said they really have to give it up for Richard because of that song.
Howard read that they were having trouble getting in touch with Pete so he figured they'll never get him on the line.
Howard said that the Killers of comedy show was out doing a show recently and one of the guys was supposed to watch Beetlejuice. Beet ended up disappearing and ended up getting a giant Howard Stern tattoo. Howard showed Robin the picture of the tattoo and she said it was very big. Howard said that he's not sure if that's right to do something like that on a guy who's like Beetlejuice.
Howard said that Ross Zapin was at a Bruce Springsteen concert trying to be funny and telling the crowd that Artie was there and it was just some fat guy there. Howard said that Ross was picking on him all night from what he heard. Artie said that he's better looking than that guy so he was upset with Ross over that.
Howard said that he was on this web site where they sell underwear and you can pick the chick that you want to model the clothes. The model walks out and models the clothes for you. He said that it's pretty cool because you can check out her ass by clicking on her.
Howard said that the site is called KnickerPicker.com. He had the guys demonstrating it on the monitor in the studio. They were going through some of the clothes and having the models showing them off for them. Howard said that they have a heavier chick on there and you can pick the type of woman you want to model the stuff. Howard said he could do without the fat chick on that site.
Howard read some news about Oprah's new TV show that lost some ratings this past weekend. He was happy to hear that.
Mark from Jersey City called in and said that he'd like to see JD going out and doing some celebrity interviews or something. Gary told him that they're actually working on that already.
Howard said that High Pitch Mike is on Jared's side in this battle with JD. He said that Mike posted some comments about JD and said that he finds him to be an asshole and thinks that Jared is a really nice guy. JD came in and said he didn't know that Mike was talking about him like that and figured that he was just doing it to get on the air.
Fred ended up playing a bell sound whenever JD said ''Whatever, I don't know or You know.'' The bell was going off quite a bit.
Richard came in and said that he went out to a bar one night not too long ago and this chick wanted to find a hot guy to make out with that night before she went home to California. She ended up getting stuck between High Pitch Mike and JD. She left after about 20 minutes since she wasn't going to find any hot guys.
Howard played a clip of JD trying to do a celebrity interview at the AVN awards. JD was asking questions but stumbling over them like crazy. Howard said that was one of the greatest interviews of all time.
Howard said that they should get High Pitch Mike in there later to talk about his hatred for JD. He thought he had Pete Burns on the phone but Will told him it was going to be another 5 minutes or so.
The guys ended up talking about Leonard Cohen and how he had no business being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame before some other bands. The Moody Blues were mentioned and Howard just happened to have the Moody Blues (Sour Shoes) on the phone so he let him play a little bit before getting back to the Lou Reed thing.
Howard played more of the Lou Reed clip where he was reading lyrics from some Leonard Cohen songs. Howard played some other clips of Leonard Cohen accepting his award and sounding just as boring as the lyrics that Lou Reed were reading. Howard said that he doesn't know any Leonard Cohen music at all. Fred said that the guy should have just written poetry instead of boring people with his lyrics in music.
Fred played a Leonard Cohen song and Howard asked who is into that shit. He asked Fred to hand him a gun so he could shoot himself. They spent a little more time talking about that before Gary came in and said that they had Pete Burns on the phone.
Pete said that he didn't have the operation and he hasn't become a woman. He said that he still has a penis and he doesn't want to get rid of it. Howard asked him to hit his penis on the phone to prove he's still got it. Pete laughed.
Howard asked Pete how old he was when he put out his song ''You Spin Me Round.'' Pete said that was back in 1985. He put some other songs out after that but it wasn't easy to deal with corporate America.
Pete said that he doesn't call himself a transvestite and said that he doesn't label himself anything like that. He was actually married for 28 years to a woman and then went out and got married to a man. Pete said that he doesn't see gender and fell in love with a guy.
Howard asked Pete if he has titties. Pete thought he said ''kiddies'' and said his man has a 10 year old. Howard thought that he had boobs but Pete said that he doesn't.
Howard said he saw that Pete had a problem with his lips and asked about that. Pete said that he almost died over that and he can't really joke about it. He said that he's getting into a lawsuit over that and he can't joke about it. He said that he had a lot of problems about 4 years after the lip injections he got. Then he had to spend 2 years getting operations to save his face. He said that this is going to be an ongoing thing and he's not sure if he's ever going to be able to stop. He said he had to stop singing for those 2 years and he'll never get those 2 years back.
Howard asked about the size of his lips and he said that's the way he wanted them. He asked him about growing up and if any kids made fun of him in school. Pete said that he was raised in a place that was very isolated and he didn't have very many kids around. It was usually him at home with his parents.
Pete talked about how he couldn't live at home and ended up leaving home early and moved into a city. He was raped by a man when he was only 13 years old. Pete said he didn't say no to the guy and the guy kind of forced it on him. Howard asked about that and how it all came about. Pete said that he was flirting with the guy and that's what happened there. Howard asked if that guy put it in his ass. Pete said that his wife has probably put a finger up his ass. Howard said that doesn't happen.
Artie asked Pete if he makes a sound when he has a finger up his ass and quoted part of his ''You Spin Me Right Round'' song where he sings ''Ahhhh AHHH ahhhh ahh AHH AHHHHHHHH.''
Pete told Howard that he was a fan of his two books and found them very entertaining. Howard thanked Pete for that and then told him about the video he saw of him on the internet where he had the yellow stuff coming out of them.
Pete said that all of this surgery that people have done is dangerous and people should be careful with what they do. He said that he's had botox injections and never had a problem with it. He said that there are a lot of doctors out there who aren't qualified for doing that kind of stuff and that's where the problem is.
Pete said that he just recently performed at a gig for the first time in 5 years. He said he's working on some other stuff as well. Howard said that he thinks that Pete could end up on an American reality show and he'd be a big star again. He told him about Flavor Flav coming on his show and getting a reality show. He said that someone will offer Pete a show and he'll take it. Pete said that he really doesn't need the money so he doesn't need to do that stuff. Pete said he made some good money with his albums and the success he had in Japan.
Howard thought Pete lost a lot of his money with the surgery he had to do on his face. He said that will all come back to him with this lawsuit. He said that if he was in America he's probably have that money already. He said that the lawyers are not quite as fierce over there as they are in America.
Howard asked Pete if he takes it in his ass with men. Pete said he does but he figures that Howard has done the same when he's drunk. Howard asked him a few more questions about wearing lingerie and things like that. Pete said that was none of his business when he asked about what he wears in the bedroom.
Howard told Pete to come in there the next time he's in America. Pete said that he will even though people have told him to stay away from him. Howard said that he can't imagine that Pete would be scared of him. He's not Adolf Hitler or anything.
Howard gave Pete a plug for his web site DeadOrAlive.net. Pete said that he's had a lot of success around the world and he doesn't need that success in America. Howard said he sounds a little bitter. Pete said that he just wants a nice, quiet life.
Pete asked Howard why Anna Nicole took offense to him. Howard explained to him that he had asked her about her weight one time and she got upset about that and refused to get on his ''stupid weigh machine.'' Robin finally chimed in and said something and Pete told her that he thought that she'd come to her senses and got out of there finally. He said that he was a big fan of hers when he used to watch her on TV. Howard wrapped up with Pete a short time later. Pete told him that it was a real privilege to talk to him to day and he really appreciated that.
Howard said he was shocked and thought that Pete had gone all the way with the operation getting his cock removed. He said that he didn't know that he still had it. Howard took a call from a guy who said that it looked like Pete had taken a shit in this picture they looked at on the web where he was showing his balls. They spent a minute on that and then had some more fun with that song ''You Spin Me Round.'' Howard said he should have played Pete that song parody that Richard made. He figured that he wouldn't have gotten it since he's not actually there in the studio.
A caller told Howard to check out some soundtrack music that the guy Leonard Cohen had done. They talked about some of that stuff and played some more of his music but Howard wasn't impressed. He said that he figures that he could sing just as good as that guy.
Howard had Fred play more of his stuff and then let out an ''Oy vey'' when he heard a little more of it. Howard said he just doesn't get it. He wanted to kill himself listening to that.
Bobo called in and told Howard that Jim Cramer has a big sandwich board on his show that shows how many days it's been since the satellite merger was stared. It's been held up for over a year already. That led to Howard talking about how great that guy is. They spent a short time on that subject.
Bobo asked Robin if there's a serious side to her and if she ever stops laughing and smiling when she's with Jim Florentine. Howard said that Robin does have that inappropriate laughter and smiling and he wonders if she can be serious with a guy. He said that he thinks that she can. He said that he thinks that she plays up that smile and laugh a bit but she can be serious.
Bobo also asked Howard about what he did with Beth on Valentine's day. Howard said that he doesn't remember what he did that day. He told him that was a silly question and hung up on him. He said that he'd like to know what Bobo did on that day.
Howard said that he can't imagine Robin kneeling in front of Jim Florentine and blowing him. Robin told him to speculate all he wants, they're friends. Howard wondered what it must be like for her to do that kind of thing for a man. She said that she doesn't mind it at all. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that not too many people can pull off that shaved head. Artie said that Curly from the Three Stooges was the only one who could pull that off. Howard said that he was actually a ladies man and hated to cut off his hair for that part. They spent a few minutes talking about the Three Stooges and some of the stories they had heard about them.
Howard played a clip of Justin Timberlake introducing Madonna at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame awards. Justin was telling some jokes while he was doing the introduction. Howard said he kind of liked that he was trying to be interesting, even if he wasn't being all that funny. In one clip he went on and on talking about working with her and boring everyone with the story. Howard said that he could have done without that story.
Howard played some audio of Madonna accepting her award. She was telling a story about teaching herself how to play drums to some Elvis Costello songs. She was going on and on a little too long so Howard cut that off. He played another clip of her making a reference to the Talmud. There were a bunch of clips where she just droned on and on while accepting that award.
Howard played a couple of clips of Iggy Pop performing a couple of Madonna's songs. Howard said he wasn't gettin' it when he heard them. He figured he could have done better than Iggy did.
Howard played a clip of Billy Joel inducting John Mellencamp. He was telling some funny jokes and had people laughing with his comments. Howard thought he did a good job doing that. He told John that he was glad that he outlived the music business. He was going off on VH-1 making fun of the kind of shows they have on the channel and stuff like that.
Billy told John to stay angry and to keep telling people the stories about what's going on in America. Billy said that he's got to say it with his music because no one is saying it on the radio anymore. Robin said that speech was real rock and roll. Howard and Fred were impressed too. Howard said that he's actually eaten dinner with that guy.
The guys talked about how awful Madonna's speech was and how she could have made it better. Artie said that if she had told the real stories about how she made it big, that would have been interesting.
Howard said that he had some of John Mellencamp's speech. He talked about how he was born with Spina Bifida and how he should have been dead at that point because they didn't have a cure for it. Artie said that reminds him about his father breaking his neck because they had a guy come in and give him an operation that they couldn't afford. He said that the doctor accepted 10 bucks a month as payment and when his father died, the guy wiped away the whole cost of the operation as a gift to them.
Howard brought up Governor Spitzer again and talked about how some women are really shitty in bed and they just give up on sex after a while. He spent a couple of minutes on that and talked about how the book is going to be great when that guy writes one. There wasn't any news about him resigning yet though.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that Billy Joel's speech was great and they need more politicians to talk honestly like that. Howard said that he's right and it would be refreshing to hear politicians talk like that. The only problem is that they don't get elected unless they're non-controversial.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the guy on the phone about how there are a lot of other politicians out there who are fucking around just like Spitzer was. He said that they just haven't been exposed yet.
Howard played more of John Mellencamp's acceptance speech. He talked about his 13 year old son and how he was going to be boxing. He said that he's going to have his son come with him to New York to beat the asses of some people he didn't get along with there. He talked about getting into the business and thanked some of the people who helped him out. Howard said he likes John but he was kind of losing him in his speech. He cut it off and gave up on it.
Steve said that Kathie Lee Gifford is going to be hosting a morning show this week. Steve mentioned that and then mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons is in a reality show this weekend. They have a story about Eve the Queefer getting caught trespassing in a hospital in the Boston area at an abandoned hospital. They wouldn't use her name ''queefer'' in the newspaper report they read.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Bree Olson and Erica Ellyson's visit today. They'll also talk about Pete Burns and much more on today's Wrap Up Show.
Howard said he saw that High Pitch Mike was there but they need more time to get into what his problem is with JD. He wondered if he could get to it in one sentence. He said that he'd probably just say that he was arrogant or something. Mike came in a short time later and told Howard that it's not that he doesn't like JD. He said that the guy who works on the web site asked some questions and he was asked if he'd pick Jared or JD. He said that he'd just pick Jared because he's a nice guy. He said that JD is kind of arrogant himself. He said that he's got a sense of arrogance that's pretty bad.
Howard said that is kind of true because he did once write to Beth and came off kind of arrogant. Mike said that he really has nothing against JD but he does find him kind of arrogant. Mike said that he and JD would have hated Jared in high school but this isn't high school. He said that JD seems to be acting like it is still high school.
Mike said that he and JD are like 1's on a scale of 10. Robin said that JD didn't say that he thinks he's a 1. JD said that he thinks he's better looking than Mike. Mike said that he thinks that he's an 8 or a 9 inside while he might be a 1 on the outside.
Robin said that she thinks that Mike is right that he and JD would have been friends in high school and JD seems to be forgetting that. JD ended up walking out so Howard just let him go. He said he was done with that for now.
Eve the Queefer was on the phone but Howard told her to call back tomorrow when they have more time to talk about it. She said that she's not under arrest right now and she doesn't think that she'll be going to trial or anything. Howard let her go and had Robin get to her news.
Robin went through some news about Governor Spitzer and how his replacement would be a black, blind man. Artie said that Sal wrote a bit about the first black governor. Howard said that it was so bad that he wasn't going to play it. Artie wanted to hear it though so Howard figured he'd play it. He said that it wasn't very funny, he just used every racial stereotype that he could.
Howard played the bit where Richard introduced the new governor at a phony press conference. Sal was doing the voice of the new governor and doing his black voice that wasn't coming off all that funny. He was making references to his ribs and stuff for his lame black jokes.
The guys talked about how racist Sal can be. Robin said that Sal is trying to make fun of black people being uneducated but he comes across as uneducated himself so it's just not funny.
Robin got back to her news and read through some more stuff about Governor Spitzer. She read through some of that but Howard interrupted her with that Sal and Richard bit again. Howard said that according to that big the new Governor is going to be the dumbest black guy ever. He wondered why Sal was pluralizing everything in the bit. Robin said that it just makes him sound dumb. Artie said that the last line in that bit was the lamest in the history of sketch comedy. The governor falls over and says ''I think I pulled a rib.''
Sal came in and said that he was talking to his father about Barack Obama and got his thoughts on why he can't vote for him. He said that he thinks that he's going to pick black people over white people because that's who he married. Sal seems to agree with what his father said. The guys tried to point out to Sal that his logic was kind of twisted.
Howard and the guys talked to Sal about some of the crazy stuff his father used to tell him and do to him when he was a kid. Howard also told him that his belly looked huge in that white shirt he was wearing today. Sal said he doesn't care anymore.
Howard asked Sal to leave but he was still talking about Barack Obama and how he might just start to pardon black people like OJ Simpson. He said that if he's half white and half black and he picks a black wife, he's going to pick the blacks if there's ever a conflict in the country, he's going to pick the black's side.
Sal was telling Robin that she was taking something out of ''content'' instead of ''context.'' Howard goofed on him about that a little bit too.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Sal that his bit was the worst in the history of the show. She said she can't believe that he got hired on the show.
Howard said that Sal told Tim Sabean one day that he would never vote for a shine. That was the thing that Sal said Robin was taking out of ''content.'' He said that he was just trying to be funny and it wasn't a racist comment. The guys kept goofing on Sal about the comments that he had just made about Barack Obama and how dumb he came off. They talked about how ridiculous it is for him to say that Barack might pardon OJ Simpson. Artie was laughing his ass off and calling him a retard and wondered what the fuck he was talking about. He said that Sal was so wrong on so many levels with those comments.
Artie said he'd kill to be able to be in on that conversation with Sal and his father. Howard replayed that bit that Sal and Richard made. They continued to goof on Sal about his racist and dumb comments. Robin wondered how that bit is funny.
Robin got back to her news and had Howard play a clip from Letterman's show last night where he was joking about the Spitzer bust. He had a bunch of jokes about him in his monologue and in his Top 10 list. Robin also had some clips of Spitzer making his speech last night with his wife standing next to him.
The guys ended up doing their Ted Kennedy impressions during Robin's news story about Elliot Spitzer. They also continued to goof on Sal and Richard's bit while they were talking about that. Howard did his impression and talked about how he'd continue to fuck whores for the rest of his life and just tell his wife to deal with it.
Robin had some clips of Barack Obama and some other political news. She also brought up how Billy Crystal is going to be playing for the Yankees in a game, the same story that Howard started the show with. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 11:05am.
Will said that Bree was spilling out of her top today. Gary said he was on her web site and she's into some really hard core shit. Will said that he thinks that she's really into Howard but Gary said that he doesn't think she's all that selective.
Bree was disgusted by JD according to Will. JD told him to stop with that. Jon played a clip of Bree turning down JD for a lap dance. Bree didn't seem all that into him and wanted nothing to do with him. Gary said that she was like a mouse finding it's way out of a maze.
Gary said that they were going to bring Jared in and ask her to lap dance him over JD. Jon asked him what he would have done if she had agreed to do that for him. JD said he's not sure and just laughed and mumbled ''I don't know'' as he tried to explain himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is the hottest guy on the show right now and no one is more interesting than him. He told Benjy that he was a fat lazy motherfucker and then hung up.
Benjy said that Jared was rumored to have hooked up with Erica and Prinzess when they were on the show last time. Benjy then said he didn't know that they weren't supposed to mention that on the air and said that it was just a rumor as far as he knew.
Jon asked if Erica really thought that Artie was in his 50s. Will said that she did say that in the pre-interview and she denied it after he laughed. He thinks that it's not that outrageous to think that Artie is that old the way he looks these days.
Teddy got some nice comments from Erica. He said that they were fun to hang out with and they got to know each other hanging out that night that he brought them to Letterman. Benjy said that if Artie was okay with it, they should be okay to beat up Teddy for getting chicks like that before other guys on the show.
Will said that he thinks that Erica was kind of scheeved out by Bree kissing her on the couch and he thinks that she's not that hard core like Bree is. He said she might have been thinking about all of the cocks that have been in her mouth.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's all for JD getting his own show. He said that he's like the next Gary Garver. Gary said that it was funny that the guy brought it up today because they had actually discussed it about a week ago in a meeting. They're going to send JD out to do some interviews.
Will said that JD is going to have to follow up with his questions and ask them about their answers. He said that's one thing that bothers him about Gary Garver.
Gary said that they're not going to give up on JD even if he does some interviews that don't work out. Benjy said that it's impossible for him to screw up, any interview he does should be good.
Jon asked JD about his problems with High Pitch Mike. JD said he doesn't know anything about him and he doesn't think that they have anything in common so that's why he's not friends with him. JD said he thinks he looks better than Mike. He said that he'd give himself a 5 on looks and maybe a 7 or 8 for his personality. He said that comes out when he gets to know somebody. He didn't have all that much more to say but Jon and Gary let him hang for a few seconds.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Erica was on Ferrall's show last night talking about how she's dating some dude on the Red Sox (Clay Buchholz). Will said he heard that rumor but when the girls come in they say that they're not with any guys because they want to be thought of as being attainable.
Another caller said that he has some friends who are able to pull down tail all the time and he's not sure why Benjy would be upset with the other guys there getting chicks. Benjy thinks that it's a seniority thing. He should be able to get chicks over the other guys.
Another guy called in and said that High Pitch Mike isn't an 8 or 9 inside. He said that he's got to be a -50 after the comments he made about Artie's dad and Dana.
The guys talked about how they thought that Pete was really a woman now so it was kind of a surprise that he hadn't had the operation done yet. Gary said that he thought he had tits too even though Pete denied it. Jon played a clip of Pete talking about Howard's books and how great he thought they were.
A woman called in and asked why Howard doesn't play the whole ''In the Ghetto'' song parody when he plays it. She said that she laughs so hard hearing it. Gary said that he does play a lot of it. She was also asking about the songs that they play on the Stump the Booey shows and why they block them out. Gary said that they can't afford to pay the licensing fees that the record companies ask for.
Jon asked Gary about the bit that Sal and Richard created that Howard was goofing on. Gary said that Sal came to him and told him not to play it for Howard so he figured that someone got to him before he played it. He said that Howard wasn't even going to play it on the air but they ended up doing it to talk about what Sal is up to. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he's not sure that Lou Reed belongs in that hall of fame. They were also talking about how Leonard Cohen didn't seem to belong in there.
A caller told the guys that some of Leonard Cohen's songs are written very well but he's not a great singing. Gary said that if he belongs in there then Tom Waits belongs in there because he likes his stuff better. Gary said that he had mentioned a few other bands that belonged in there and started to go through the list. Sal came in and said KISS belongs in there too. He said that they play Rock and Roll unlike Madonna.
Gary said that KISS has only made their career last so long because of the make up. They don't put out new songs. Sal told him he was sounding silly talking like that. Sal told him to look it up and he'll see how successful they've been.
Sal said that just because KISS hasn't put out new songs, they're still selling out concerts. He said that they've contributed a lot to the industry. He compared them to Van Halen saying that they're not putting out any hit songs now. The guys told Sal there was no comparison there.
Richard said that he agrees with Sal. He said that there were a lot of bands that were influenced by KISS. They used Dimebag Darrell as an example. Sal said that he was buried in a KISS casket. Richard and Sal were goofing on Gary for looking Hall and Oates songs.
Gary said that the thing that scares him the most about Sal is that he cares so much if KISS is in the hall of fame or not. Sal said that Gary is just as obsessed with music as he is. He said that Gary drove 2 and a half hours away to see Bruce Springsteen play last night. He called Bruce a washed up hack while he was goofing on Gary.
Sal said that Gary will never say that he respects his opinion. He always dismisses people when they have different views than he does.
Sal was sticking by his thoughts on the whole black and white thing and how he thinks that if Obama became president, he'd have to make that choice and he'd pick the blacks. the guys asked Sal why he thinks that he'd have to make a choice between he two.
Sal said that his father thinks that Obama would favor the blacks if he had to pick a side. Gary asked him why Sal would pick Hillary over Obama then because she's a woman and she'd pick women over men. Sal said that's why he won't vote for her.
Sal said that he thinks he's going to vote for McCain. The guys then told him that he has an adopted black child so he picked the black side. Sal told them to call his father then. He said he's over in Italy right now.
Sal said that Obama comes off as a bullshit artist to him. He said that he gets some stuff from the media and he doesn't seem to be able to back up his words. He said that he has no accomplishments at all. He said that he's not sure they should be putting him into the White House. He said that maybe he should be a V.P. instead first.
Benjy asked Sal if he would vote for Obama if he renounced his wife and his whole marriage. Sal said that he's just looking at who Obama would lean toward and that's why he's going that way. His father posed the question to him and that's what they discussed. The guys wanted to know why that mattered at all. Sal said that he doesn't know the answer to that. He's just giving a hypothetical situation to them.
Sal said that he thinks that Obama is just a smooth talking politician who doesn't have any experience. He said that he's not going to not vote for him over his color, it's his lack of experience.
Jon asked Sal for his opinion on Governor Spitzer. Sal said that he can't be going out and banging whores but he does feel bad for the guy because it seems that maybe his wife wasn't giving it to him. Sal said that the guy is running the whole state and he probably needs a piece of ass at home and isn't getting it. He said that this poor guy has turned the whole ''city'' into turmoil over this and people shouldn't be going so crazy over him getting a whore. He said that President Bush is screwing up the whole country and not getting in trouble for that.
Gary said that he was looking at Spitzer's wife thinking that she wasn't giving it to her husband but he doesn't know that. Will said that maybe he had a weird fetish that he didn't want to do with his wife or something. Sal said that she was only up there with her husband because she's waiting to go down to the divorce office to collect her money. The guys goofed on him about that comment for a minute and then ended the show after getting in their plugs for various appearances they're making.
Howard started off the show talking about how much of the show he spent arguing with Dominic Barbara about Elliot Spitzer. He said that he heard more of the story yesterday after the show and now he knows that he was right. He said that when you take out more than $10,000 from your bank account, that gets reported to some federal authority. That then leads to investigations into why the money was taken out so they can find out if it was for money laundering or something like that.
Howard said that he was going in and taking out a lot of cash over and over again so it was building up and led to him being reported. That triggered the investigation and it was turned over to the FBI because it was a government official. they weren't targeting the guy like Dominic was saying. Howard was right in that argument.
Howard said that they had some new reports in the paper today and they have a woman who claims that she had slept with him a couple of years ago. She was saying she didn't know what to do with all of the fame but her picture was blurred out so he wasn't sure what she was talking about.
Robin said that the chick who was busted, Kristin, is going to hit the jackpot with this whole story. She's going to be getting all kinds of interviews and stuff. Howard said that there could be models, actresses and other famous people out there who may come out of the woodwork too.
Howard said that he and Beth used to look at Spitzer as a guy who was a crusader and couldn't do anything wrong. Now you look at him and think that he's just a big perv.
Howard said that they're now saying that Spitzer didn't want to wear a condom when he was with the whores. Howard asked Artie if he wears one when he gets a blow job from a hooker. Artie said that they always use one. He said that he doesn't argue with them about that because it's just not worth it.
Howard said that he read a lot more about how much money Spitzer had spent on these prostitutes. They said that the $80,000 that he spent on them was over the span of 10 years. Artie didn't think that was so bad for 10 years.
Howard and Artie were asking Robin about what's worse, the $80,000 on the prostitutes or spending like $30,000 on jewelry for a Gumada. Robin had a tough time coming up with an answer but said it would probably be the jewelry.
Howard talked about the way Spitzer was going down to Washington DC to get his hookers and how he was getting hotel rooms down there.
Howard said that the papers have been printing some of the jokes that have been made about Governor Spitzer on the late night shows. They're also posting some of the letters they've been getting about them. Howard read through some of those Letterman lines that they had in there. They had some Conan O'Brien jokes in there too.
A caller told Howard that when Spitzer would go down to get that chick he was outside of that 100 mile limit that guys are supposed to stick to. Howard said that he knew a guy who would do something similar to that because once he left his house and traveled, he considered himself single.
Howard said that there are some couples out there who do stuff like this knowingly but they don't want it to be out in public. Howard said that if you do something like that you have to wear a rubber. He said that you can't go to a hooker, catch something, and then bring it home to the wife.
Howard and the guys were joking that maybe Spitzer was doing an investigation of his own. A 10 year investigation into prostitution. He could tell the guys who busted him that they spoiled the investigation.
Howard said he's been reading about this guy David Patterson who may become Governor, taking over for Spitzer. He said that could happen as early as today. Howard read that Spitzer was going to resign yesterday but something held it up.
Howard said he read that there was a new law that this guy Patterson was trying to get passed. He said that it was one where they were going to make cops shoot to harm criminals instead of shooting to kill. He said there was another bill that he was trying to get passed where they'd let illegal immigrants vote. He said the guy is super liberal and Howard agrees with a lot of the stuff he's for.
Howard said that Patterson's wife is pretty hot too. He said that he must be able to see something because he was able to see how hot she is. Robin said that she wonders just how blind he is because he's really just ''legally blind.''
Gary came in and said that they have all kinds of news coming out about all of this stuff. They had a story about Spitzer's wife and how she was married to another guy for just 29 days before she married Spitzer. Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time. Howard said he can see figuring out that you made a mistake in 29 days. Robin figured that she could have figured it out before she got married if that's how long it took.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to talk about today. He let one more caller comment on this. The guy was from Virginia, somewhere near where John Bobbit was from. He said that he lives just a few miles from where his penis was thrown out of the car by his wife.
The caller gave Howard some more information on the 10 grand rule that the banks have to follow. It doesn't matter how you took the money out either. Even if you buy a car for over 10 grand, they're going to report it. Robin said she took out a lot of money for Christmas gifts and that led to her having to fill out some paperwork.
Howard said that Ross has been like 50 times and that's just creepy. Howard said that he could go maybe 5 times but not 50.
Gary said that he noticed that Clarence has a giant easy chair that he sits in during the show. He must do that to get comfortable because he's getting up there in age.
Howard said he saw the Rolling Stones not too long ago and Mick Jagger looks like he's in pretty good shape for his age. He said that it's pretty remarkable actually. Artie said that his father was a physical fitness freak and that might be why he's that way.
Artie said he was watching that TMZ show the other day and they have some really hot chicks on that show. He saw Tom Hanks doing an interview with one of those people and he was saying that before TMZ they didn't have to talk to them, now they do.
Howard talked about that for a minute before Gary got back to the Springsteen thing. He quickly talked about some of the songs that Bruce was playing that night and how he hadn't heard them at the other concerts he'd been to.
Howard said that JD was asked some questions on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and his answers just made no sense at all. He played some of those clips and said that people driving in their cars must not have a clue about what he's saying.
Howard played another clip where JD was trying to say something and it just didn't come out so he gave up. Robin wondered what he has going through his head when he's trying to speak and it doesn't come out.
A caller told Howard that he had a song on his iPod that they had mentioned earlier. He sang the song to them but Howard didn't think it was the right one. Fred found the song in his system so he played it. Howard said that was the right one. The song was Stephen Stills' ''Manassas.'' They had brought it up earlier when the guy from Virginia called in from Manassas.
Howard was saying that they never perform any of those great old songs on American Idol. Robin was happy about that. Howard said that they were performing Beatles songs last night and that pissed Robin off. She said that she really hates everything about that show.
Howard talked about how annoying Ryan Seacrest is and how he hates the way he does the introductions for the show. He said the guy is a douche bag. He swears he's not jealous of the guy like some of his fans think. He said that if there was a draft right now, Ryan would be a laughing stock. He said that back in the 60s that's the way things were. He said they need a draft to make the country cool again like it was back then when the young people were so pissed off.
Howard said that Ryan wouldn't be cool to young kids if there was a draft. Artie said that he used to want to be as cool as the people in the generation before him. He said that it would be nice if kids today were like that.
Robin said that they've been promoting the songs that the kids are going to perform and they're just done badly. Howard talked about some of the performances and how bad they were. Howard said he kind of likes that kid who did ''Eleanor Rigby'' last night. He said they've been dragging that show out for 2 hours though and that kept him up until 10 which is way past his bedtime.
Howard said that one of the kids performed ''Across the Universe'' and he thought it was pretty good. The judges didn't like it though. That led to the guys talking about the song and how great it was when the Beatles performed it. Howard played the original while they were talking about it.
Howard played some other Beatles songs and said that he'd perform one of those songs for his American Idol performance. He asked Fred to play guitar for him so he can perform ''Norwegian Wood.'' Fred tuned his guitar and played for Howard while he sang. the other guys got in on it too and sang along with him a little bit.
Howard forgot some of the lyrics so he asked Baba Booey to print them out for him. Robin was going to play the part of Randy Jackson and judge him. She was telling him that this was her favorite song like Randy would do to the contestants.
Fred was trying to tune his guitar so Howard told him that they might have to get him that new guitar that tunes itself. Fred was taking a little too long for him but he eventually gave up even though it was really worse than it was earlier.
Fred played and Howard sang again. This time he had the lyrics so he was able to perform the whole song. He thought he was doing really good. Robin told him she'd be the judge of that. He finished the song and Robin told him he was going to Hollywood.
Howard and Robin were laughing while playing the clip. Howard said that people were saying that he was really hard to understand throughout the show. He was going to tell a story 30 minutes into the show and no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Then he stopped the story and said that they'd have to tune in next week to hear the rest of it.
Howard played another clip of Riley going around in circles talking about how he knows where his listeners are at and they know where he's at and he knows where they're at. Then he broke into his story. Howard said he was going to give Robin just 5 minutes of his story and she wouldn't be able to stick with it for even that long.
Riley talked about how he was going to tell this story and change the names to protect the innocent. Then he goes back to 1964 and mumbles and slurs through his story. Howard said that this guy wants a raise.
Howard cut that clip off and played another one where Riley requests a commercial break in the middle of the story. He sounded really wasted in that one clip and sounded like he was about to fall asleep or something. Then he pauses and asks his board op to send him to commercial. Howard said that went on for a half hour.
Howard played the clip where Riley talks about running out of time and how people were going to have to tune in next week. Riley woke up for a second in that clip and told everyone to tune in next week to get the end of that story. Robin got a laugh when Fred said that he'd be doing the show from Rehab next week. They said that you don't go to rehab for food poisoning though. Riley won't admit to being drunk because he's on probation.
Howard played a clip where Riley took a call from a guy who was trying to get him worked up by telling him that they gave Jay Thomas a show on Friday morning but they've never done that for Riley. Howard said that was good because this guy was going to get him all riled up. Riley said that he has 4 more shows to do after this one and he's out of there. He said that he's not getting the kind of money that he deserves.
Howard spent some time goofing on Riley about his threats of leaving SIRIUS. Howard did an impression of Riley calling in and telling them that he's going to be leaving. He threw in a bunch of the comments that Riley has made in the past where he calls Howard a cheap Jew and stuff like that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Jason what the name of his escort service was. it was New York Confidential and he was running it for a couple of years before he got busted.
Howard asked Jason how he got into it. He said that he was checking out CraigsList a couple of years ago and a few women were asking for money. He thought it was okay to ask for money so he figured he'd get into the escort company business. He said he had a phone sex business when he was going to law school. Howard figured that if he was a lawyer he'd know that you can't run an escort business. Jason said that you see all of these ads for escorts and figured that it was legal to pay for companionship.
Howard asked Jason if he was tired of the business as a lawyer or something. He said he never really wanted to be a lawyer but he didn't know what else to do with his life. He said he never became a lawyer, he never took the BAR exam.
Jason said that he was making really good money with the phone sex business. He said that he was netting about $250,000 a month back then. Howard asked why he was so successful doing that. Jason said that he was down to his last few bucks and one day it came to him that he could start the business. He grossed $400,000 that first month he started the business.
Jason told Howard about how he figured out how much to pay these girls. They were getting paid 10 bucks an hour and he could make about 300 an hour charging people for calling. Jason said that the girls were never hot chicks on the phone either. They were fat chicks who sounded hot. He never used dudes to fool guys either. He said they were always chicks.
Jason said that he would ask the girls questions while not looking at them and that's how he picked them out. Howard asked him what it was that drove him to do the escort service thing. Jason said that he was making good money but he ended up borrowing too much money and spending too much. He said that he had a couple of homes, a nice car and he'd pick up the tab when he'd go out to eat.
Howard said that Jason became one of the biggest guys around in the escort service and then he got busted by Spitzer. Howard wondered why he'd go after him when he was involved in the prostitution thing himself. Jason said that he was just an overzealous prosecutor and now he shows that he's a hypocrite. Jason said he finds it kind of funny and eventually people will laugh about it.
Howard and Robin asked how the governor kept his business so quiet for so long. Jason said that he's not sure but he shouldn't have even been charged for what he was getting. Jason used to give out freebies to people who were famous just so he could keep them in his back pocket. He said that didn't really help him out in the long run though.
Howard asked Jason about what he was charging people with this business. Jason said that he was charging $2000 an hour with a couple hour minimum. He said that he had some good looking clients and the women were hot too. He said he had about 120 women working for him when he got busted.
Howard said that he must have been making a fortune. Jason said that he wasn't making as much as he was with the phone sex business. He said the escort business was fun though. He said that he only slept with about half of those girls and he never had to ask them to do that.
Howard asked how many times a day the girls were banging. He said it was one or two a day with just a couple of days a week working. Robin said that she might want to go into that business after hearing the kind of money you can make.
Howard asked why Jason thinks he was targeted. He said that his lawyers were filling him with false confidence. He said that they were making him feel that he could go high profile and get away with it. He said he was doing ads that were really loud and sending out business cards that may have ended up on the governor's desk.
Jason said that he was shooting a reality show about the business when he got busted. He said that he really didn't know that they were investigating him. He said that NY Confidential had a bunch of cameras that he could use to watch the business. One of his employees saw the raid of the place and told him not to go to work. He said he laid low for a little while and when he went to check out of the hotel, two cops picked him up and that was the end of his freedom for 2 years.
Howard asked how long it took to go to trial. He said that he actually took a plea bargain. He said that he was in jail for 2 years waiting for the plea bargain to be signed. He said that he was in longer than he technically should have been but there's nothing he can do about that now.
Jason told Howard about these GFE (Girlfriend Experience) things that he did. He said that he could set up these girls to be guy's girlfriends for a whole weekend. Artie said that he's done that out in Vegas. He said that he had a girl that was about a 7 on a scale of 10. He said that she wasn't close to being a 10.
Jason said that the girls would act like they were really their boyfriend by kissing and hugging and doing all of that stuff. He said that he'd give the people the best experience they could get. Howard asked if the girls ever complained about that stuff. Jason said that he'd tell the girls that if they weren't comfortable they could leave and he'd back them up. Jason said that the money is what gets the girls hyped up and that's why he was successful with that whole thing.
Howard asked if he had to deal with any Mafioso types. Jason said that he did get a call from a family in New Jersey and it was pretty scary. He said that they left him alone so he was probably very lucky there.
Howard read that Jason would tell the girls a mantra about how the guys they were seeing was their boyfriend and they hadn't seen him in months. That's how he'd get them worked up to be with the guys.
Howard asked Jason about being married. He said he was married 1 and a half times. The half time was an annulment. He said he's been engaged about 9 times.
Jason also talked about being in prison. He said that he was the only Jewish attorney in Riker's Island when he was in there. He said that they loved the reason that he was in there so he lucked out with that. He said that they told him that if he wasn't the king of all pimps they'd be stealing his stuff and beating him up.
Howard read that Jason had fallen in love with one of his girls at the escort business. Her name was Natalia. He said that she was working all the time so it wasn't that serious. He said that she's kept in touch since then but some of the girls have stopped keeping in touch. He said that he didn't give up any of the girls when he got busted. He said he was the captain and he went down with the ship.
Howard asked Jason about Governor Spitzer getting busted and what he thought about that. Jason said that he wasn't surprised that much because he knows that guys want to have pretty girls and sex. He said that he figured that if the girls knew who he was they would have given him some freebies though. Howard said that the Governor could be in some big trouble for transporting girls from Washington DC to New York.
There was a strange noise coming over the microphone in the studio so the guys tried to figure out what it was. It turned out that it was probably Jason's iPhone that was making the noise that was coming through his headset.
Howard asked if it's appropriate to tip a hooker or not. Jason said that anyone paying a big amount of money for such a simple service shouldn't have to tip but some guys do. Jason said that the girls that he had working for him were getting half of the money that they were being paid.
Howard asked how often the Pretty Woman syndrome would hit guys. Jason said that it doesn't happen all that often but it does happen. He said that these guys will fall for these really pretty girls and try to get them out of the business. Howard asked if any of them have gone on to be high society women. Jason said he's pretty sure it happens but he doesn't know of any personally. Howard said that he thinks he might know one who became a high society woman but didn't mention any names.
Howard asked Jason if he has anything that he wants to say about Spitzer or any of his own clients. Jason said he's not going to give out any information about his own clients.
Howard read that Jason wanted to commit suicide at one point in his life. Jason said that he had lost 20 million and was in the hole for about 4 or 5 million. He also said that his mother died while that was going on and he got really depressed about that.
Artie asked Jason what he's doing now. Jason mentioned his web site DNADiamonds.com which is a matchmaking web site for people with a lot of money. He said that he wants to be the matchmaker for those people who wouldn't usually go to a matchmaking web site. He said he has the contacts with the super hot girls who are looking for wealthy guys. He said that he'll save the wealthy guys the time they would spend looking for the chicks.
Howard asked Jason if he could set up this wealthy guy he knows. He said that this guy is a comedian who can make $75,000 for doing one stand-up gig. He was talking about Artie. Artie showed Jason what he looks like and Jason said that he'd be fine. He said that he'd hate to get someone who was a train wreck. Jason gave his card to Artie.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Jason before he wrapped up, gave him some more plugs and started to wrap up with him. Jason talked about this new web site of his and how he charges $10,000 to these clients and he'll help them hook up and date a bunch of people. He said that he will do what he has to do to get them into a relationship.
Artie said that he likes this guy and how he's dying to just have fun. Jason said that he really misses the escort business because he had so much fun doing it. He said it was the most fun he ever had in his life. He said that his father knew about the business but he passed away while he was on Riker's Island.
Howard asked if he thinks that Carrot Top kind of steals his act too. He said that he does and they even have the same manager. He said he goes on that Conan O'Brien show and tries to get that audience. Gallagher said that he's not sure what's funny about Conan O'Brien. He doesn't laugh when he watches his show.
Howard asked Gallagher about who in late night he likes. He asked about Jay Leno. Gallagher said that Leno isn't very good at doing those monologues and all of his jokes are the same type of jokes. He said that he doesn't believe that he's ever written a joke of his own and he just hired people to write in his style.
Howard asked Gallagher if he ever gets jealous of Leno for getting a job like that. He said he knows how Leno got that job and he kind of screwed Letterman and got the job for himself. He said he was never a good stand-up comedian either. He said Letterman wasn't a good stand-up comedian either.
Gallagher told Howard about working with Letterman back in the days when he was doing comedy. He said that he and Dave would hang around together and he figured that he stole the watermelon smashing thing from him when he started to do that show of his.
Gallagher said that letterman didn't have too many friends but he liked to hang out with George Miller and watch ''Leave it to Beaver.'' He said that Letterman would use people from his own staff to do the show and that's what jimmy Kimmel is doing with his show as well.
Howard asked Gallagher why Letterman was friends with George Miller and not friends with him. Gallagher said that he was hardly ever friendly with anyone but his agent. He said that he didn't have much of an act either and even his agent would say that he didn't have enough material to get a job in late night. Gallagher said that Jay Leno was the same and didn't have all that many jokes. Howard said that he saw Leno back in the 1980s and thought that he was a good comedian.
Gallagher said that he doesn't think that Jerry Seinfeld is a good comedian either. He said that he thinks that he was the 4th best comedian on his show. He said that he could have had that Kramer (Michael Richards) part on that show because he could come through a door with a lot of energy. He talked about Michael Richards and how unskilled he was at comedy. That was proven the night he used the N-word in that comedy club.
Gallagher said that Seinfeld wasn't a very good comedian. He talked about doing comedy shows that Seinfeld could never sell out.
Gallagher was also talking about some other comedians who are painful to watch because they're so bad. He said that Jim Carrey wasn't a very good comedian and there wasn't a lot of talent there. He said that Robin Williams isn't a great comedian either. He said that he steals a lot of jokes from people. He said that he finds Billy Crystal to be a good comedian because he actually writes his own jokes.
Gallagher accused Robin Williams of stealing at least one of his jokes. He said that Andrew Dice Clay stole jokes too. He said that he thinks that he self destructed even though he could have kept his career going with that act he had.
Howard asked Gallagher if he knows this Artie Lange guy and his act. Gallagher said he doesn't know the new guys out there because he doesn't really have an opening act or anything. He said that he keeps his props in his own act because people like it. He said that he was asked about why he keeps that stuff in his act and that's what he tells people.
Gallagher said that he tried to give Sam Kinison some advice about his act and told him he has to start out slow and not cursing right away. He also said that these comedians who have a drink out on the stage with them are babies and they really don't need that stuff. He said that they're wimps and they shouldn't have a bottle up there with them.
Gallagher said that George Burns was like 90 years old and didn't need a drink on stage when he was doing his act. Howard said that it must be distracting to an editor when they have to edit down a show while a comedian has a bottle up on stage.
Gallagher said that people are sissies these days and they don't need a bottle. He said that people have these sissy trucks these days and they don't need them either.
Howard said that Gallagher isn't afraid to say what he thinks about these comedians like Seinfeld, Leno and Letterman. He said that a lot of people don't talk about stuff like that. Gallagher went off on Seinfeld for doing shows these days and asking for money. He said that he's already got a ton of money and he doesn't need more. He said he doesn't get the whole Bee thing that he's doing for Disney either. He said that Seinfeld doesn't relate to the average person. He won't even talk to anyone back stage at comedy shows. He's heard stories about Seinfeld from the stage hands at clubs.
Gallagher told Howard that he wants to open up these family reunion resorts where they'd have a bunch of rooms around a big open space. Howard cut him off and said he wanted to slow him down a little because he's tough to keep up with.
Howard talked to Gallagher about how he let his brother go out and do his act. Gallagher said that he wasn't out of the business, his brother was committing fraud telling people that he had retired and he was taking over for him. He said that his brother actually did it right for a few years, then he screwed it up. He said that he had to go after him and ban him from doing his act. He had to take him to court to get him to do what he asked him to do. He hasn't spoken to his family since then because of all of that. He said he didn't even go to his father's funeral. He said the family sided with his brother because he was his baby brother. Gallagher said that he helped raise his brother.
Gallagher now says that his real family are his fans. He said that he wants to open up these resorts where they'd be able to get together and have people get together. He's not even looking to get back together with his own family. Howard said that it must anger him in some way and that's why he wants to do this.
Gallagher said that he wonders why they don't care about the common person out there who is going to have a wedding or something like that. They could have resorts where the whole family gets together and they have one place they can stay at.
Gallagher said that he has spoken to a lot of people trying to make this happen. He said that maybe Google could do it. He said he's spoken to some Indian chiefs at the casinos out there and wants them to create these resorts for people.
Gallagher said that he wants to create a camp-like area where families can get together and bond. Howard figured that Donald Trump must have jumped at the chance. Gallagher told Howard that he has patented some video slot ideas where they would have watermelons that come down and smash or bounce and you win when you get them to match.
Gallagher said that he had an appointment with Trump but they canceled on him saying that they had a temp working at his office the day they booked him. He said that's about as stupid as the way Governor Spitzer got busted. He was all over the place with those ideas.
Gallagher said that he has these patents out there and you can go to the U.S. patent office and look them up under Leo Gallagher. He said that he might have to go to the Malouf brothers about this whole reunion resort idea. Gallagher told Howard about how he wanted to meet with Al Gore about how he could be more show biz-like.
Howard took a call from Dice Clay (audio clips) and he was calling Gallagher a bald fuck and telling him he was a tough guy. Gallagher thought it was someone doing an impression. Howard told him it was just audio clips.
Howard gave Gallagher some plugs for his upcoming gigs around the New York/New Jersey area (StrandLakewood.com). Robin asked him if he's as wealthy as people say he is. He said that he is because he promotes his own shows and makes all of the money. He said that he lost a lot of money in the stock market since November. He also got divorced and lost some there. He said that he has 2 ex-wives and just ended a 16 year relationship with a woman that he was with. He said he's not sure how much longer he has to live because he has 2 stints in his heart.
Howard and Robin asked him if he has any desire to get back together with his family. He said he really doesn't because he has his fans. He said he has millions of fans and they're like his family.
Richard came in and asked how they could prove that this was the real Gallagher and not his brother. He was trying to get him to do something but it just wasn't happening so he gave up. Richard also asked him what he thought about the Dave Chappelle bit ''Black Gallagher'' that he did on his TV show. Gallagher thought that was going to get him some black fans but it just didn't happen. He still doesn't have any black fans.
Howard asked Gallagher what he's going to do if his brother tries to start a family reunion resort business. He said that he'd be proud of him if he did something like that.
Howard gave Gallagher some more plugs and asked him about Governor Spitzer and if he thinks that he's going to resign. He thinks he will. He also picked John McCain to win the Presidential race. He said that Hillary and Barack are going to self destruct before the election. He said that Hillary isn't a real woman and Barack isn't really black. He was going off on that and about President Bush. Howard tried to wrap things up but Gallagher was on a roll and wouldn't stop talking.
Howard asked Gallagher when he last got laid. He said that he's 61 years old now and he hasn't gotten laid in about a year. He said he has a heart condition so he can't take Viagra or anything like that. He said that his junk just doesn't work and he hasn't had an orgasm in about a year and a half. Howard sounded kind of shocked that the sex life ends so early. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he was really bummed out about that whole thing. He seemed to be taking it even worse than Spitzer's wife was.
Howard realized that what he had just played was the latest press conference. He screwed up and played the wrong one so he played the first time Brett cried during a game when he was asked about his retirement. Howard then got back to the latest retirement speech where he was crying again. The guys goofed on him a little bit over the speech.
Robin asked why the guy makes speeches if he knows he's going to break down and cry. Howard had another clip where Favre talks about some of the other greats in the game of football and how honored he is to be mentioned with those people. Then he cries a little more. Howard said that he really seems to love the game a lot if he's getting that upset about it. Artie said that he got to live like a big kid for a lot of years and now it's over.
Howard gave him a big ''Wah!'' He also went off on him for complaining about having to switch schools when he was growing up. Howard said he had to beg his parents to move him out of the school he was in.
Howard asked Doug about his girlfriend who had to go back to a mental institution for a while. Doug said that she's an awesome chick but she really did have to go back in for a little while. He said that she really is a legitimate mental patient and they have the paperwork to prove it. Doug said that she's high functioning so he has no problem dealing with it.
Howard asked Doug what his family thinks about all of that. Doug said that his father is dead and his mother has no place telling him what to do. He said that she's a mess and has emphysema and keeps smoking and things like that.
Doug said he has a brother but he's cool. He said that the two of them goof on his mother and talk about when she might finally die. He said that he actually quit smoking because he was afraid he was going to end up like her. He said that he was getting kind of wheezy himself so he had to stop. He said he thinks that she's a miserable person and he's surprised that she doesn't kill herself. He said that she wrote him a note saying she didn't want to die when she was in the hospital with a ventilator in her mouth. He asked her ''Are you sure?'' when she wrote that down.
Doug said that his girlfriend is back home with him and she'll be out with him tonight. He said that she was having hallucinations and that's why she had to go back into the hospital. He said that she was having full on conversations in her sleep and waking him up. He said that she thinks that there's a priest giving injections to some girls in the back of the house. He said that she'd be in tears and he'd have to try and explain to her that she wasn't really seeing that stuff. Howard said that it seems like Doug likes being in this relationship with a mental patient. He said he's fine with that.
Doug said that he's been taking some prescription drugs and stuff and tries to keep himself level. He said that he doesn't think he'll end up where Heath Ledger did. Artie told him to be careful with some of that stuff because it's pretty hard to come down off of.
Doug said that he's still drinking too. Howard asked him if he could stop drinking if he had to. He said that he thinks that he could take or leave alcohol. He said that the cigarettes were the real addiction to him. Doug said he did a show with Artie out in Vegas and he's got a huge nightmare to go through so he gets why he has to drink.
Doug talked about how insane Gallagher seemed to be when he was in there. He said that he hopes that he doesn't end up like that but he thinks that might be what happens. He said he's not sure if he'll know when he sucks or if he'll even care by that point.
Howard said that he's not going to be doing radio when he gets to be Imus' age because he doesn't want to be that person who rambles on and on. He thinks that he's going to walk off into the sunset after his current contract is up in 3 years.
Howard said that Doug talked about how he had lost interest in sex the last time he was on and wasn't even banging his girlfriend Bingo. Doug said that he's 40 now and he's not sure it's such a bad thing that he's lost interest. He said that he and Bingo did bang about a week ago though.
Howard took some phone calls after giving Doug some plugs for his Caroline's gig this week. He said that he's only good when he's not opening up for Artie. He said that they hated him out there in Vegas when he opened up for him. You can find out more about Doug a Myspace.com/DougStanhope.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Gallagher interview was great. Doug said that the guy was all over the place. He said he'd turn to say hi to someone and Gallagher would be on another subject. He couldn't keep up with him when he was in the green room.
The caller said that he loves these people who come in and hate all of the people he works in the industry with. Doug said that he was at a show one night where they charged him to get in. He said that he went back and told the comedians that he was going to sit and watch them do their act and then he was going to write them each a joke for them to keep. Doug said that he was getting heckled by the guy during his time on stage.
Howard asked Doug if he agreed with Gallagher saying that so many of those late night guys and comedians aren't funny. Howard gave him the list of people and Doug said that he thinks he might agree with him on most of them.
Artie said that he thinks that Gallagher is upset with Conan O'Brien because they do a bit on the show where they have a Mexican Gallagher impersonator.
The caller that Howard had on the line asked him for some money but he didn't have any to give. Howard said they are looking for people to play ''Win Jon Hein's Money'' though. He gave the plug for that and then told Robin that they were going to get to the news. He asked Doug to stick around to hang out while they did that.
Howard asked Doug about how he was going to try and run for President. Doug said he had to back out because there was so much red tape to go through. He told Howard that he's surprised that he didn't get behind Ron Paul and back him. Howard said that he did like a lot of what the guy has to say but he's a Hillary man.
Howard said that he got a list of celebrities and which parties they donate to. He asked Doug to tell him who he thinks these people donate to:
Howard said that he doesn't care nearly as much about music as Meg does. She's always wanted to play her own music picks for people while Howard says he could play anything they threw at him. He said that he just wanted to talk on the radio, he didn't care what kind of music he had to play.
Howard said he heard that Meg was beside herself about the whole thing. Doug said that he doesn't know him that well but he has heard some of his songs covered by other bands and they're usually much better than the originals.
Howard was going to read through some of the e-mail he got about his Leonard Cohen discussion yesterday. He said he's going to stick by what he said. Howard went through the e-mail and wasn't able to find what he was looking for. Gary told him he was looking at the wrong pile of e-mail. Howard eventually found it.
Howard said that there were some fans who were bored with the Penthouse pets that were on yesterday. They wanted them off the show. Artie said that's something you have to see on Howard TV.
Howard read through some of the Leonard Cohen e-mail. People went off on him telling him he was wrong about the guy and his music is brilliant. He read some feedback about Pete Burns from the band Dead or Alive. He got some positive feedback about that interview. They played some ''You Spin Me Round'' and threw in some gay porn clips. Doug said that song is going to be stuck in his head and he'll probably end up blowing some dude in an airport bathroom.
Howard said that someone sent him an e-mail saying that the Robin's Brown Mound song was stuck in his head. Howard played a new song about Robin that Mike Morse created. They also replayed Richard's ''Brown Mound'' song again.
Gary said that he's not just Jackie, he's Jackie from the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that he's not on the Howard Stern Show though.
Howard played the clip that he had and a couple of guys playing senators are talking to him and get their hands shocked by a joy buzzer. Jackie then tells them to set him up so he can get the show going. Jackie gives out his name a few times. The ''senators'' tell him not to look the President in the eyes or use any indecent material in his act.
Howard goofed on Jackie a little bit while they played through the clip. Jackie was laughing at himself through most of the scene. Artie wondered what the plot of the movie was and what this scene had to do with it.
Howard said that he loves how Jackie is in this movie where Howard Stern is being called an asshole. Robin wondered if Jackie wrote the movie. That seems to be the scenario that Jackie always threw at them saying that he was being held back by the show.
Howard did his impression of Jackie and acted out some of the lines that Jackie was doing. He said that it just doesn't end with that guy. He told him to just let it go already, it's been 7 years since he left.
Richard said that the movie is a horror movie and he's not sure how this scene fits into the movie. He said that at one point Jackie was offered less money to do his act and he gets pissed at the guys even more.
Jackie threw in another joke that sounded like one of Bob Levy's. Artie said that Levy would probably claim it was his but Jackie might argue with that. Howard played the rest of the scene and said he's never heard such a scene. He said he was smart to leave the show and these roles are going to get him to another level in show business. Artie said that he wonders if Levy is going to react to that joke being stolen.
Steve Langford said they're working on a story about how ''30 Rock'' is going to have a reference to Howard when the show returns in April. Howard said he heard that Private Parts was on Universal HD last night. He said that he didn't know that it was on last night, otherwise he would have promoted it then. Howard said he didn't even know it was in high def.
Steve said they have a story about what Howard's fist might look like if they could put an ad on the moon. Howard said that he really wants to get it done. Steve said that this would be an actual fist on the moon and not just a projection.
Steve said that Eric the Midget apparently went to an all nude club for his 33rd birthday yesterday. He was sporting a goatee and getting lap dance after lap dance.
Steve said they got a report from a woman who said that she ran into Artie in a woman's bathroom at an event he was at about a month ago. They'll have more on that later today on Howard 100 news.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about Gallagher, Jason Itzler and a lot more of what they had on the show today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and he hopes that Jackie's movie does as well as Paris Hilton's movie did by making $9,000.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he heard that Governor Spitzer is going to be resigning today. Robin said that she just found out that he's doing it at 11am today. Jeff thought that he was doing it at Noon. The guys also heard that he was being asked to hold off until Monday so the Lieutenant Governor can prepare.
Doug said that the last time he was on they saw Jeff the Drunk's ass boil for the first time and he can't close his eyes without seeing that awful image in his head. Jeff apologized to him for that. Howard said that Jeff isn't that bad of a correspondent when he's sober.
Steve the Intern came in with his Intern Show preview. He said that they'll be talking about JD and Jared's fight and what they get to see going on there behind the scenes. Steve said he's kind of taking JD's side but he doesn't want to cross Jared either. Howard told him he should pick sides so Steve went with JD. Steve said that they'll also talk about Richard Christy's drinking and if they think that it's too much.
Howard took a call during the news and the caller said he was watching Private Parts in HD last night. Howard told the guy that the movie was one of the greatest ever made and he was terrific in it. The guy said he was 15 when he first saw it and it really holds up even today.
Howard said that he should have been nominated for an Academy Award but even his own movie company laughed at him when he suggested they submit for a nomination. He said that Titanic was a piece of shit and he should have been able to win over that movie.
The caller asked what happened to the kids who played him in the movie. Howard said that they went on to do some spectacular careers. He didn't have anything to back that up. Sal said that one of the kids was at one of their comedy shows and he had a picture of him that he took. He said it was the little kid who played him who is a grown man now.
Howard played some more of the American Idol clips. Artie said that those performances were awful. Howard got another note about the kid who played him at 7 and the kid also played a young Tony Soprano and a young Andy Kaufman in another movie.
Robin read a story where she mentioned a bunch of celebrity kids. They ended up talking about some of those kids. One of the kids was Dee Snider's son so Howard talked about how he made sure to keep his daughters away from that kid because he turned out to be a really good looking kid.
Ralph called in and said that all of those performances on American Idol were awful last night. He said that he didn't think that if John Lennon was still around today that he would have let them use his songs on that show. Howard said he thinks he would have because they have to let them do that kind of stuff these days.
Robin read through some more stories after that. She had one about a British soldier who took on over 150 Taliban members and won. Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Jim Carrey's daughter in a picture and she was actually pretty hot. The guys brought in a picture of her for Howard to see and he did think that she was pretty hot. Artie said that she was really cute. He said he also wanted some of the other chicks that they were talking about who were hot.
Another caller asked Howard if he thinks that Frank Gifford is being helped out by this whole Elliot Spitzer thing. Howard said that Frank didn't go to a whore, he found a flight attendant and she's not a whore. Artie said that she's just one step above a prostitute. The guys spent a short time talking about how Frank probably tries to avoid talking about that because it's probably misery for him.
Howard said that Frank is probably cutting all of those stories about Spitzer out of the paper so Kathie Lee can't read about them.
Robin read a story about a guy who made a bomb threat to an airport and mentioned Jodi foster in the note. that led to the guys talking about stalkers for a short time. Howard said that he blew a fart in bed last night when he thought Beth was sleeping. She was awake and said that it smelled like a dirty baby diaper. Howard said he denied the fart and said that maybe it was dirty dishes or something. Doug said he did something similar the other night and farted on Bingo when she was spooning him. He said it was an awful smelling fart too.
Howard asked Doug if he's slept with any hookers. Doug said that he's done a bunch of them. He said that he used to over pay them because he felt bad for them. He hasn't had any 10s either. He said he had some 1s and 2s. One night he had 3 come over but it was one ugly one after the other so he'd pay them and send them away and call for another.
Doug said that one time he had a chick who was so ugly that he wasn't able to get that hard. He said she was sucking him and eventually got him hard enough that she was going to get on top to ride him but he came up with a fetish and told her that he wanted her to watch him jerk off instead.
Howard said that Richard wrote a new song parody while they were talking about Mons Vernus earlier in the show. He played some of the new song but said that Richard might want to work on that a little more.
Robin read some more news about Governor Spitzer and wondered what his family is doing since he's been holed up in his apartment ever since he made his announcement. They spent a few minutes on that story. Artie kept saying that the 80 grand in 10 years wasn't that much. That led to Richard coming in and asking him how much he thinks he's spent on whores. Artie said that it's probably 50-60 grand in 20 years. He didn't have an actual number, he was just taking a wild guess. Doug said he couldn't total up something like that either.
Robin read through some more stories and read one about Geraldine Ferraro making a comment about how Barack Obama is using the fact that he's black to help out his campaign. Howard said that was ridiculous and being black isn't going to help him in that way.
Howard said he got a note from someone saying that Chris Booker had Hillary Clinton on his show and wondered if he was upset about that. Howard said that he's happy for Booker, but he thinks that Hillary should come on his show too.
Ralph called in and said that Geraldine Ferraro is right and he agrees with her. Robin said that the guy is a great speaker and he gets a lot of young people to come out and see him. Howard said that being black has never been an advantage in something like this. He thinks that it's a huge strike against him.
Robin and Ralph were arguing about that subject for a short time but Howard hung up on Ralph and had Robin finish up her news. She had a couple of other audio clips of people like Mayor Bloomberg commenting on the Elliot Spitzer story. She also had a story about Dawn Wells, Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, getting caught with some pot in her car. She's 69 years old.
Robin read a story about how 1 in 4 teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. The guys spent a short time on that subject before wrapping up the show. Howard thanked Doug for coming in. Doug said that he was very close to pissing the couch so it was a good thing they were ending the show. They were done around 10:55am.
The guys talked about how Gallagher was dressed up today looking kind of like a wacky chemistry teacher or something. Gary said he was in a suit and Will said he looked kind of like a thinner David Crosby.
Gary said that prop comics like Gallagher don't get the respect that other comedians get. He said that he was telling his son about this guy and his son thought that he was stealing Carrot Top's act. Gary said he had to tell him that Gallagher was the one who did that act first. Gary said that he had to tell Steve Langford who Gallagher was because he had no idea.
Jon played a clip where Howard talked to Gallagher about the family reunion thing and how he doesn't talk to his family. Gary said that kind of came off kind of sad and shallow when he said that his fans were his family. He said that the fans can't bring you that love that your actual family does. Will thought that some of his ideas were pretty wacky with that family reunion resort thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had some bits to do for them. Gary told him to send in a DVD so they could check it out. Will said he wanted to hear his Mexican accent but the guy was just going on and on about comedians that he likes.
Another caller said that Artie seemed to be kind of quiet during that Gallagher interview and he was wondering why. Gary said that he's not sure why but he could have just been tired or something. He may not have had anything to add to the conversation. Will said that Artie tends to stay quiet when they have comedians in there. It might be some kind of respect thing for him.
The guys took some more phone calls and talked about Gallagher's act a little more. Gary said that he thought his act was kind of funny but it's not something that you can go and see over and over again.
Another caller said that it seems like they're going through a real dry spell with guests lately. He said that the list of people were from the 80s and no one current. Gary said that the guest list hasn't been that great lately. They were supposed to have Valerie Bertinelli come in tomorrow but she canceled. He said he was kind of bummed out by that.
Gary said that the show isn't guest driven so they just take who they want. Will said that they want people who are whacked out too so they don't just take anyone. Gary said that a lot of people you can't get any information out of anyway so they don't bother with guests like that.
Another caller asked if Sal has changed his mind about Barack Obama after hearing what Gallagher had to say. No one was sure but Jon said that they'd have Sal come in and talk about that.
Another caller said that he thought that Gallagher sounded a lot like Richard Simmons when he was talking about that family reunion thing. Jon said he didn't think that's what he sounded like to him. He went to another call from a guy who said that he thought booking Gallagher was pretty smart. He said he saw him 20 years ago and he thought he was funny back then and still funny today. He said it was kind of depressing that he can't get a boner at the age of 60.
Gary said that they run guests past Howard all the time and he's the one who chooses who he wants to talk to. Ralph called in and said he was great and he thinks that they should give him his own show where he can just ramble like he did for a half hour. Ralph said that you only have to say like 2 words and you get him wound him and he just goes on and on.
Gary said that Pat Cooper was like that and they'd pick stuff out of the paper and mention two words to him and he'd go nuts for a few minutes going off on the subjects.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if that was really Gallagher or his brother. Gary said they made sure that it was the original Gallagher. Gary said he wasn't sure about that last night when he called Will to make sure that it was Gallagher 1 not Gallagher 2.
Gary said that he got a call from some people at the record company that Iron Maiden is with and they were bragging about how their T-shirts with the Iron Maiden character Eddie on it are the best selling shirts out there. Gary said he's not sure what that has to do with their music though.
Jon played a clip of Howard and Robin talking about the American Idol songs from last night. That's where Howard sang along while Fred played.
Jon sand Gary talked about the bad covers of the Beatles music. Gary said that they had some great covers of some Beatles songs in the movie ''I Am Sam'' even though he thinks that Sean Penn is such a douche. The guys also talked about some of the other Beatles songs and what they like.
Artie came in and said that he knows who that guy is and he knows what she's talking about. He said that he roasted another guy a few years ago and that guy was there at the roast. He said that he's one of those guys who smokes and probably banged a lot of chicks. He said that he wasn't good on the roast and bombed for like 10 minutes. He said that he curses all the time but he doesn't think there's any reason to have him on the Stern Show.
Gary said that he'd rather have that guy Gordon Ramsey on the show. He said that they've actually pitched him to the show but they've turned it down. Gary said that their show is different, they don't need guests every day. Gary told the woman that they don't need a guest on, ever. He said that if Howard wants to talk to a guest, he'll book them for the show. They don't have to fill the slots like some shows feel they need to do.
Jason said that there's this myth about how they had better guests at K-Rock but he doesn't think that's right either. He said that they didn't have a parade of A-list celebrities there either. Gary said that Jim Carrey was just in town last week and he turned down the show. He said that he know why he turned it down, he doesn't want to talk about Jenny McCarthy.
Gary said that he's always interested in guest ideas so anyone out there who has someone interesting to pitch can do that. He said that a lot of people get pitched and people pitch the guests telling him that this person is going to be great for the show. He said that you don't need to do that if the guest is actually going to be great for the show.
Artie said he never made the connection to Letterman throwing watermelons off a roof to what Gallagher did. He said that he would book him for the show again though because he was so nuts.
Gary said that they were asked why Artie was so quiet during that interview. Artie said that the guy had no idea who he was so he didn't want to interrupt. He said that it was just a judgment call on his part not to interrupt. He said that he may have disturbed the flow of his nuttiness if he had said anything. He said he just picks and chooses his moments on the show.
Artie said that guests like Kathy Griffin have bored him in the past when she tells her stories on the air but this Gallagher was actually interesting today. He just didn't want to interrupt his flow.
The guys saw that they were setting up the studio next to them for a Gallagher performance. They laughed and wondered why they had to do something like that on the radio when no one can see what's happening.
Artie talked about some other prop comics like Bob nelson who actually got some respect for his act. He said that most prop comics don't get any respect though. Artie said that Gallagher has to have a crew of people to back him up and he can't imagine doing that. Artie said he can't even remember to bring a pack of cigarettes with him. They spent a couple more minutes on that and then went to break.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about Jason Itzler, the King Of All Pimps. Gary said that Jason did all of the work getting this guy booked for the show. He said that Jason did a good job pitching the guy. He said that Jason was also on Good Morning America while he was on their show this morning. He had done a pre-taped bit for that show.
Jason said that he didn't know who this guy was but he looked it up and found out some interesting stuff about him and read about his shady past and the jail time he served. He said he got to speak to the guy last night and he was very animated. This morning he wasn't quite as fired up.
Gary said that you have to do this research they do because you can't just take a publicist's word for it. Jason said that the guy was telling him last night that he was still laughing about the whole thing and he felt kind of vindicated over it all.
Jon played a clip of Howard interviewing Itzler about the phone sex line he used to have. After playing that clip the guys talked about one of the guests that they had in the past who used to do a woman's voice and did phone sex with guys. Benjy used to do something like that too. Gary said that Benjy brought in this book that had all of the lines that they would use on the phone sex line and the longer they kept the people on, the more money they made.
A phone caller asked why that guy didn't just stick with the phone sex business. Jason said that he did talk about that and said that he wanted to conquer something else and that's why he moved on to the escort business. The caller thought that he could have stuck with that and run the escort business as well. The caller said he wanted to get into the phone sex stuff himself. Jon and Gary told him to go for it and gave him some of the advice that Itzler had given earlier in the morning.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Doug Stanhope seemed to be interrupting Howard a lot. Gary said that's just an opinion and everyone is going to hear it differently and it's all personal taste. The caller also asked if they're going to get Lenny Dykstra on the show. Gary said that he'd like to get him in there but he's not sure that Howard would be interested. Gary said that there is something pretty interesting about that guy and he'd love to get him on the show.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who was performing some Beatles songs for them. Jon let him play for a few seconds before hanging up on him.
Another caller said that he thought that Doug Stanhope was interrupting Howard but he was hoping that his girlfriend would be there this morning. He was telling the guys some other stuff to but his door open buzzer was going off while they were talking to him.
Gary said that Bingo's Sybian ride was one of the best ever. He said that she had her head shaved that day and he could see that she was really busting a nut that morning. He said that it was very genuine in his opinion.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if JD was pissed off at Jason Itzler because he was so arrogant and a pimp... just like Jared.
Another caller thought that the interview with Itzler was very interesting. He said that he answered all of the questions that were thrown out there. He thought that the Gallagher interview was kind of boring though. The guy was also suggesting that they get Trent Reznor on the show as a guest. Gary said that they tried to get him on the show in the past but these days they get pitched Trent as an interview only with no performance and he doesn't think that would work out very well. Jason threw out a guest request too and said he'd like Scarlet Johansen to be booked.
Another caller suggested that they roast Gallagher on the show. Gary didn't think that would work because he'd probably be amused if they had some wack packers roasting him. Gary said that maybe if they had Conan O'Brien come in and roast him that might work.
Jon took one last call from a guy who said that Gallagher is a legend. He said that the younger people might not know who he is but he sure does. He said that he has his tapes and used to watch him on all kinds of comedy shows. Gary said that he's pretty sure that next to that guy's Gallagher VHS tapes are the Tim Conway Dorf (on Golf) VHS tapes. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking to Robin about the coat she was wearing. IT looked like a big pimp coat made of fur. She said that it was a fake fur.
Howard then brought up the chick that they found to be the woman that Governor Spitzer was banging. Howard asked Artie if his hookers have been that hot. Artie said they weren't. Howard asked Artie why he was cheaping out on his hookers. He said that he's had some chicks who were in that league but not the regular one that he's had out in Vegas.
Howard said that he'd love to have a hooker beauty pageant and have Artie and Governor Spitzer bring in their chicks. Howard said that chick that they were talking about was $1000 an hour. He said she's 22 years old and a troubled girl.
Robin said that her heart is ripped out now that she's read about this girl being all messed up. She thinks it makes it look like Spitzer was taking advantage of her.
Robin mentioned a story in the news about Heather Locklear possibly being suicidal and having the cops show up at her house after a 911 call. Artie said that she wasn't suicidal back when she was on ''Eight Is Enough.'' The guys didn't even know that she was on that show but Artie remembered because he watched every episode.
Howard said he used to watch that show too. He said he used to beat off to Betty Buckley. He said that he used to beat off to ''Petticoat Junction'' too. He said they had a shot of the three girls in the beginning and he'd beat off to them. He said that the one chick, Meredith McCrea, had her top off and you could see her shoulders so he'd beat off to that.
Howard said there wasn't any freeze frame or anything back then so he had to time it just right when he was beating off. He said that he'd finish off to something else but he'd get that one image and that would help him out. Howard said that he trained himself to finish really fast so his mother wouldn't catch him beating off.
Howard said that Heather Locklear's name on ''Eight is Enough'' was Ingrid. Gary said that she only did one episode of that show too. Artie said that he was a big fan of hers and he just remembered that one. He said that was probably the first place he ever saw her.
Howard said that he remembers seeing Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video years ago and he thought that she should be in movies or something. He said that he didn't know that she had already been discovered.
Howard got back to the hooker discussion and asked him why he doesn't get hot chicks like Spitzer did. Artie said that he spends $500 an hour for the chicks that he gets. He said that they're just as hot out there and cheaper. Howard figured that they were about half as hot if they were half as much money. Artie said that they just don't know how hot they really are.
Howard said he'd consider taking that hot chick (Ashley Alexandra Dupré) and do a Pretty Woman type thing with her. He said that he'd love to do that. He said that someone sent them a picture of the Pretty Woman poster with Spitzer's head in there.
Gary said that the paper is reporting that Howard Stern's agent is representing that chick but her lawyer just happens to have the same name as Howard's agent. It's Don A. Buchwald or something like that according to Gary.
Howard said that they don't do any research and the news people are such morons. He said that they believe that he'd have such a shitty agent that he'd be representing prostitutes.
Howard said he had a lot of good stuff to play today. He said that this Ashley Alexandra Dupré chick is a musician so he had some of her music to play. He said that she's got more than 4 names so it's really confusing. He said that he went to her Myspace page and there are a bunch of people on there telling her to stay strong and stuff like that.
Howard played Ashley's song ''What You Want.'' It was really bad dance music, kind of like one of those Britney Spears songs. It was hard to tell if she had a good voice or not. Artie said he can picture Spitzer in his skivvies telling her that the music sounds great.
Howard said that he used to have a mix tape at his apartment so he could have the right music to play for the women he was dating. He said he'd have different stuff for different age groups. Artie said that he'd pay her $1000 just to turn that shit off.
Howard said that his hooker put out a song too. He played a clip of Wendy the Retard singing Cyndi Lauper's ''Girls Just Want to Have Fun'' as that song.
Robin said that she was at the locker room at her gym and she walked over to see what was going on and this one woman just looked at her and said ''creep!'' Howard asked Robin what she wears at the gym. She said that she doesn't wear a matching outfit or anything and it's really nothing special. She wears tights and a top and that's about it.
Robin said that people are asking about why Spitzer did what he did. Howard said that it's because the chick was hot. He said that guys like to fuck and they like lots of hot sex. He said it's almost impossible to hold on to a man because of that. Robin said that women just don't understand that these people look like a happy couple and then this stuff happens.
Howard played some more of Sal's interviews out on the street. He had women trying to explain what was going on in that relationship. One woman knew that it was a Howard Stern question because it was so sexist.
Gary told Howard they really broke down that report into a bunch of categories. He read some of the statistics they had and Howard was the least liked of the group. Artie was the most liked. Artie seemed kind of proud of that. Howard said that he's the kind of guy that advertisers are looking for and he should be reading the live commercials instead of him.
Gary read that 40 percent of people think that Howard is creepy. There were a bunch of other statistics that were similar about Gary. Howard didn't even get the funny comments in that research. Gary said it was a real research company called EScore. They interviewed 1100 people about that stuff.
Howard was afraid that it was Howard K. Stern that they were thinking they were being asked about. He said that Howard K. Stern is the really creepy guy.
Howard told Artie that maybe they should switch seats. He said the show might run better if the less creepy guy takes over. He said he was reading all of that stuff and laughing.
Gary gave Howard one more thing in the report. He said that they gave some comments on the results they got and gave them some advice for what they'd like to see on Howard TV. Artie said that there's something wrong there with the research. He said that Gary isn't even a comedian and the people don't know what they're talking about. He said that he's insulted, as a comedian, that people think that Gary is funny.
Gary told the guys about how Artie got listed as Funny first and rude as last while Howard was rude first. Howard said he's so glad that they sent him that report where they tell him he sucks, he's rude and a creep. He said that Doug Goodstein was the one who forwarded it to him. He said he wanted to resign over that and told Robin to stand at his side while he did that.
Howard played some audio of Dr. Laura talking about the relationship and she was making some good points about how it can be the woman that isn't giving the man the attention they need. Howard said he actually agrees with her on some of that stuff. Artie said that he wants to get a blow job from Dr. Laura after hearing that clip. It sounds like she knows how to satisfy her man.
Howard played some porn audio clips where a woman is talking about the ''big nig*er cock in her pussy'' over and over again. That led to Howard talking about how they're looking for a new ''Blackzilla'' for that movie series. He said that they're going to have a guy calling in about that a little later this morning.
Howard played more of that clip and said he loves listening to that black stuff. He wondered what happened to the old Blackzilla if they're looking for a new one. Gary said that he's retiring so he can concentrate on directing.
Howard said he'd love to see Daniel Carver try and watch this so he could see his head explode. It was two black guys banging a white chick. Howard played through more of the audio and the guys had her spitting on their dicks and stuff like that. Howard said it sounds like Bubba's crew.
Howard heard that Eric went out to a strip club for his birthday. He said that he knew that he'd call back in even if he didn't stay on for long. He said that he just can't stay away from them. Howard talked about the new angle Eric had on his web cam.
Howard said that there was a new American Idol last night and it went a long time. He took some phone calls about that. One caller asked about Jim Carrey being on the show in a costume. Howard said that he likes Jim but he doesn't know what he was doing there. He knows he's in a Dr. Seuss animated movie but it's all nonsense to him. He said that he doesn't get that Dr. Seuss stuff.
The caller said that his 6 year old daughter loves those books. Howard said he wants to know why she likes it but the guy just said that it's because she's 6. Howard said that he could write crap like that and it's all just hype.
Howard talked about Jim Carrey and how embarrassing it was to see him in that costume. The caller said it was really embarrassing to see him in the costume. Howard said he didn't know that it was animated, he thought he was playing the part in that costume or something. The caller corrected him on that.
Howard said that he taped Letterman the other night when he was on and Paula Abdul was on. He had to turn it off because she's so boring. He said that he didn't waste his life on that.
Howard said that Jim Carrey had one bit planned after another and it was so disappointing to see that. He said he'd rather just hear about his life and not see the bits. He said it would have been nice if he had come in there to talk to him.
Howard said that Eric was back again so he picked up on him again. Howard said hello to Eric. Eric said that he's not doing this as an indicator that he's back on the show. Howard told him that he can hang up then. Howard said he wins again. Eric said that if he says that again he's going to hang up again. Eric did just that a few seconds later. Howard told Eric that he needs the show but Eric said he doesn't and hung right up.
Johnny wanted Eric to talk about his birthday party but Eric was gone already. He told Eric to give them a little background on the party but he didn't know that he was gone again. Johnny said he doesn't know what's going on there. He thought that he was still there. Howard told him to say something and then played some audio clips of him instead since he wasn't actually there. They had Eric yelling at Johnny and Howard from some old calls that he'd made.
Howard said that Eric's Myspace page says that he's single again. Howard said that he was right about that and right about Eric calling back into the show.
Howard told Johnny to call back if he can get Eric on the phone again. Johnny was talking about how he had gone to hookers before and he thought that's how you're supposed to got chicks all the time. Johnny talked about some of that while the guys played Eric telling him to stop talking over him. Howard told Johnny to keep talking and then played more of the Eric clips.
Howard told Johnny to call back if he gets Eric again. Johnny said he'll bring him in again. Howard let him go a short time later and took some more phone calls.
Howard played some German porn where this guy was cumming really loud and long. Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard played some Dead or Alive ''You Spin Me Round'' with some other porn clips in that. Artie was saying that the German language really is a horrible sounding thing. He made fun of the way they speak in that clip. He was talking about something he was watching on the History Channel about Hitler's people and how they were forced to have 4 kids. He said it was really creepy.
Howard said that he can't imagine being Hitler and trying to push views on the whole world. That led to him talking about how we shouldn't be in Iraq trying to push ourselves on them over there. He went to break a short time later.
Howard told Eric that he really does need him. Eric told him to shut the fuck up and said that he doesn't need him, he was almost able to get an interview with Dat Phan on his own for the JFSC. He said that he met him at a restaurant last week and he gave him a bunch of tickets for his show. Howard said that shows how popular his show is, he was able to give them 10 tickets.
Howard asked Eric about the goatee he was growing and said it looked great. Eric said that it was but he might dye it. Howard asked Eric why he doesn't just let it go grey. Johnny said that he let his go grey. Howard said it seems a little disrespectful to say that it's not cool to be grey.
Howard asked Eric if he got laid at the strip club. Eric said that he's not at liberty to say. He had a smile on his face when he said that. Eric said that he could have had nipples in his mouth at one point if he had just opened his mouth. Eric said he knows the rules of the club though so he didn't do that. He kept his mouth closed because he knows that it's not allowed.
Howard read Eric's web cam scroll and it said that Eric was back from a Carrie Underwood concert. Eric said that had been up there for hours.
Howard told Eric that he's glad that he called back in. Eric asked him about the Dat Phan concert as well. Eric said that he was funny. Howard asked Eric if he went home and rubbed into his sheets. Eric said he didn't want to say.
Gary said that there's a poster of a chick in a bikini on his bed that he could see on the web cam. He asked Eric if he fucks that. Eric said it was just a program from the concert he went to.
Johnny told Howard to try and get out of Eric what happened last night. He said that he had over 100 lap dances and they had special girls for him who were completely naked. Eric said that he had a boner all night. He said that he had it from about 11:30 to 2:30 in the morning.
Howard asked Eric if he had a knee rubbed in his crotch. Eric said that he did but he didn't finish in his pants. Johnny said that he heard that Eric went to the back room a couple of times. Eric said he just went to the bathroom once, he didn't have any girls following him in there or anything.
Howard said he had a chick on the phone who says that she gave Eric a hand job. It turned out to be Richard doing his female voice. He said that she was going to have to sue him because he ran over her foot with his power chair. Eric said that it's interesting that there was no one there named Candy and no one with a hick accent. Howard said that she uses a fake name at the club and uses a different accent there.
Howard asked Candy to describe what Eric looks like. Richard said he looks like a little turkey. Eric told him that he was in his push chair there at the club too and he wasn't in his power chair. Howard let Richard go a short time later.
Johnny said that the club is called Pure Gold Show Girls. Howard asked Eric if he's heard from Kendra lately. Eric said he wasn't going to comment on that. Howard said he knew because his Myspace page says that he's single. Johnny told Howard that Eric has a new mantra. He told Eric to say it. Eric said that it's ''I've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one.''
Howard asked Eric about Katherine McPhee being on American idol last night and spent a minute talking about that with him. Eric got in a plug for the JFSC.tv site. Howard told Eric that he really needs the show but Eric said he doesn't. He said that he didn't call in this morning, it was Johnny who had him call in with him. Howard said he can make up any excuse he wants but he was on the phone this morning and he knew that would happen.
Howard said that he was right about him calling back in. Eric said that he didn't call in. Howard said that he knows Eric better than even Eric does. Eric said that he wasn't going to call in but Howard said that he is on the phone so he did call in. Eric said it was a reluctant thing, he didn't want to call in.
Howard said that he is right but Eric refused to believe that. Johnny said that Eric has a problem with right and wrong. Howard told Eric that he has nothing to do with the news team that he has a problem with. Eric said that he hates the idiots that work for him and that's his main problem with the show.
Howard said that his news team even blasts him on the news. He said that they watch every move that Robin makes with Jim Florentine. they all have to take shit from them.
Howard told Eric that he was right about him calling back in and he has to admit that. Eric said that he's not right. He said that he doesn't let him get a word in edgewise. Howard told him to go ahead and say what he wants. Eric said that they will not know anything about his personal life from now on because of what Langford did to him.
Howard said that he wanted to set Eric up with a real date with some fan. He said that Eric didn't want to do that. Johnny said that the chick they wanted to get looked like Alice from the Brady bunch. Howard said that they can find a real woman that wants to give him a real relationship, not some phony.
Howard thanked Eric for proving him right. Eric said that he's not right. Howard asked him if he was really Eric. Eric said that he wasn't sure if he was really on the air or not. He said that maybe he was talking to Howard, maybe he wasn't.
Howard let Eric and Johnny go a short time later. Eric said ''Bye for good'' again but Howard said that this isn't the last call. Johnny told Eric that he has to mend fences there and not stay mad at Howard. He said that he's angry with Steve Langford, not with Howard. Howard said that he'll be hearing from him next week, he's pretty sure about that. Eric said that he won't. Howard said goodbye and let the two of them go. Howard said that it's crazy thinking that he's not on the show.
BD said that they may be changing the title of the movie. they're looking for a guy who is very thick and has a girthy penis like the last Blackzilla did. He said that he was about 6 inches around down there. He said you can see some of the old stuff at HushHushEntertainment.com.
Howard asked the guy about who buys the videos and he was saying that it's pretty much everyone, they're very popular. Howard asked how dark the last Blackzilla was and if that's what they're looking for with the new guy. He said he wasn't sure just how black he was.
Howard played some clips from one of the movies that they have over at HushHushEntertainment.com. BD didn't even know that was one of their movies. Howard said that it seems like they like to get these white girls to say the N-word in these movies. BD said that it something that they do in those movies.
BD said that if they have anyone interested in becoming the new Blackzilla, they can check out BeBlackzilla.com. Howard had a guy on the phone who was trying to be the next guy but the guy was so annoying that he had to hang up on him.
Gay Ramone called in and said that his boyfriend has a 13 inch cock and he'd like him to audition for this part. Howard said that they're looking for a straight guy to bang white chicks. Ramone said that he'd be able to do that. Artie said that he thinks he met that guy on the set of Super Twink and he was a real small, thin, black guy.
Howard thanked BD for calling in after that and let him go. He said that he feels that he's at the top of his game now because they get to see the final three guys in this Blackzilla talent search. They're going to bring in the 3 finalists when they have them.
Lisa said that Robin would not let them follow her to her latest enema. Robin said of course she's not going to do that. That led to Howard saying that one of the interns heard Robin farting the other day in the bathroom and she was trying to cover it up with a flush. Robin said that the intern must be like a queen and never farts. She said that she was very gassy the other day and she did fart in the bathroom.
Lisa said that she spoke to Robin's enema buddy Judith Regan and she was saying that Howard is obsessed with fecal matter and he should try an enema out himself. She'd even be willing to administer it to him. Lisa said that she'd help him with that like she helped him out with his book.
Lisa said that Judith told her about how she does the enema thing and that's just not for her. She said that she got grossed out by it. Lisa said that it's not for everyone from what Judith was telling her. Howard said that it's such a horrible thing to do to the human body.
Howard and Fred played a bunch of farting sounds and a song parody about ''Robin's Enema Day.'' They goofed on Robin about her enemas for a short time. Lisa said that she'll stick to eating her bran cereal and not worry about the enemas.
Artie said that coke is a good way to clean yourself out too. He said that he used to go to this bar where he'd buy coke and it would make you shit shortly after you did it. He said that there would be a line to the bathroom with guys who had to shit after doing the coke.
Lisa said that they have a story about Henry Hill going to a restaurant up in Connecticut after he left the show. He got really drunk and ended up soiling himself there. He's now banned from the restaurant. She said that he got so drunk that they started giving him shots of water and he didn't even know the difference.
Artie said that Henry had him stand next to his girlfriend the other day and Henry said he wanted to see who was fatter, him or his girlfriend. He did his impression of Henry's laugh and had some fun with that for a minute.
Lisa said they have a new Page 69 story about how Sal and Richard are trying to get new head shots done and paid for by the company. they'll have more on that later today.
Artie said that he loved that Saturday Night Live bit that Eddie Murphy did one time where he was dressed as a white guy.
Howard said that there's this video going around on the web of this Philippino girl trying to answer a question during a beauty pageant. He played the clip where the girl is asked what role her family played in this contest. She wasn't able to come up with an answer and the crowd started booing her. She tells them that she's only 17 and this was her first pageant. She said that her family was the most important persons in her life. Howard said that was just a weird clip. He wasn't sure why they were speaking English in the clip. Howard said she's super hot. She was in a Miss Teen Philippines contest.
Howard played the clip of Miss South Carolina fumbling over her answer in a Miss Teen USA pageant. They goofed on her a little bit.
Robin told Howard that she gets some girl crushes once in a while and her latest was probably Angelina Jolie. She said that it's not even a sexual thing, it's just wanting to be like another person when she has those girl crushes.
Artie said that Julianne chick is 10 times hotter than Angelina Jolie. Fred said that Angelina would fuck him better than a virgin every could. The guys talked about Governor Spitzer's whore and how they'd like to bang her too.
Howard read a story about Britney Spears father being in charge of not letting her leave without wearing panties. Howard said he can't imagine being in charge of something like that when your daughter is that old.
He said that he thinks he should call Heather Locklear to try and help her out with the problems she's having. they claim that she has some alcohol problems in the National Enquirer. He said that a lot of these hot chicks that get older get really fucked up in their head. He said that it has to be a real come down when guys stop paying attention to them.
Artie said that one sign that a chick in Hollywood is going to think about suicide is when they start dating David Spade. He was just kidding but he said that was just one of the signs.
Howard read another story about how Eminem is dating this hot chick but he doesn't like her dog. That's kind of like Artie and his problem with Dana's dog.
Howard told Eric that he has to admit he's back on the show. Eric said that he's not back as a regular caller. This was the fourth time he called in today though. They tried to get that through to Eric but he refused to admit that he's calling in.
Johnny told Eric to talk about this party he had. Eric said that he had 15 strippers dancing for him, fully naked. Artie said that this was gay and he just doesn't like Eric. Eric said that the girls were fully naked but they don't let them drink there.
Eric said that the girls were getting really close to him and one of them was dancing for him for about an hour and a half. She did about 20 dances in a row and put her bare breasts on his face and ran her nipples on his mouth. Artie asked him if she has red blotches all over her breasts now. Eric said she doesn't.
Howard said that this strip club wants to be mentioned on his show, that's why all of this happened. He said that all of this comes about because he calls the show. He asked Eric if he gets that. Eric said that he thought that they liked him for being a guest in the past. Johnny told him that they want him to continue to be a guest on the show, that's why they give them all of this stuff the way they do.
Johnny said that Eric wants to do a cross country tour of these bars. Howard said that's not going to happen unless he gets an apology from Eric about the way he's treating him. Howard thanked them for calling in again. Eric asked why they wouldn't let him do the tour. He said that he was about to apologize but he was about to hang up on him.
Johnny told Eric to just give him the apology. Eric said that Howard was right. He got in a plug for Pure Gold Show Girls and now they're going to go out on tour and see all of the clubs around the country. Howard said that they have to end up there. Johnny said that they'll be in New York. Robin said that he should fly with balloons when he comes in there. Eric told her to shut the fuck up. Howard let them go a short time later and went to break.
Loralai said that she doesn't do escorting anymore, she just does massaging. She said that she started out at 29 years old. Gary told Howard that her face is good too, he saw it. Howard said that he likes her body even though she didn't think that she was skinny enough for him.
Loralai said that her boyfriend's business started to fail after 9/11 so she had to do something to make money and this is the way she did it. Loralai told Howard that she had a friend who told her about how she could get $2,000 for just giving a guy a hand job. She said that was what got her interested in it.
Howard asked Loralai about doing guys who she's not attracted to. She said that she can always find something nice about just about anyone. She said that she's able to detach herself from the guys that she does because things are over so fast. She said that she had one guy who was really ugly and talking very dirty to her so she turned over so she wouldn't have to look at him.
Howard asked her if she ever worries that the guy is going to want to kill her or something. She said that some of the guys ask to have some very hard core stuff done to them. She didn't sound too worried though.
Howard asked about the two grand she was getting for this escorting. She said that she used to have to sit around and wait for them to call with a guy to go to. She said that it's much easier doing what she's doing now.
Howard asked Loralai about Governor Spitzer and what he did wrong there. She said that he could have avoided this whole thing and played it much safer. Howard figured that he could have had someone else lining up that stuff for him instead of doing it himself.
Loralai said that a lot of these guys just want to talk and they don't have to spend a lot of time having sex with them. She said that she could sometimes just go in and jerk a guy off and leave. She said that she could even go in and get herself off without touching the guy and still get paid that two grand. Loralai talked about one guy who gave her $14,000 for one night.
Loralai is engaged now and she's engaged to a guy who used to be a customer. She's now doing Tantric massages instead of the escorting thing. She said that it's known that you'll get a very therapeutic massage when you do that. She said that they sometimes do prostate massage and a lot of guys like that. She said that she'd love to give Howard one. Howard said that he's not sure that a massage is a bad thing.
Howard said that Loralai does this massage thing out of her apartment. She said that if she gets a bad vibe from the phone caller she will just cut it off. Howard wanted to send one of the guys over there right then so they could listen in as she does that. Artie almost begged to be the one who goes over there.
Loralai said that she has the guy shower and then she does the massage and goes over the back and shoulders, down the back and into the taint area and the balls. She said that you get a whole full body massage abut she doesn't blow the guys or anything. She said that they eventually get a happy ending and she'll also drape her whole body all over the guy.
Loralai said that she'll hold the guy down by the throat so they can't get up and do anything to her while she's draped over them. She said that it's only $400 for the massage. Howard said that he likes that better than the 2 grand. She said she enjoys giving the massage too.
Loralai said that she's dating one of her massage customer's now and he may get kind of jealous once in a while. She said that she thinks that he wants her to stop doing it sometimes. She said that he gets to make love to her like crazy now.
Artie said that he will get her number and he will go down to see this broad. He said he'd go on his own. Howard told him to go down there now but Loralai said that she had something to do right now but he could come down there and check it out.
Howard asked Loralai if she really looks like she does in the pictures. She said that she does. She said that she's not sure she wants to advertise where she advertises because she only does this part time and doesn't want her phones to blow up. She gave out a web site, ErosNY.com, and said that you can find her under Tantric Massage.
Howard asked Gary where the picture of her face was. Gary said he could put it up on the screen for him. Howard told her that Artie will be by to see her eventually. He let her go a short time later. He didn't want to move on until he got to see her face. He saw her a few seconds later and said that she really was hot.
Artie said that he'd be afraid that her boyfriend is really jealous and he'd beat the shit out of him. He asked Howard if he could ever fall for a girl like that. Howard said that he might be able to but he'd always have it in the back of his head that there was something wrong there. He said that she was a hooker and he's not sure he could get past that.
Robin told Howard that he doesn't know what a woman's past really is like so she's not sure why he couldn't get past that. Howard said that it has to be weird for her to walk into a strange guy's room, get fucked, get your money and then walk out. He said that it has to disturb a guy to know a woman like that. He couldn't deal with that himself. Howard said that there are a bunch of issues there.
Artie said that he could never have an open relationship with a woman like that. He said that he could probably rationalize it if she was done doing that type of thing and it was just in her past. He said he's not positive he could but he thinks he can. Howard said that he'd think that he was just another John to her and he wouldn't believe that she was really into him.
Howard said that if he wasn't in a relationship with Beth, he would want to check out that Tantric massage. He said that he would have no problem getting a hand job and he'd have no problem paying for it. He said that he'd go for it if he was single. He said he's never done that but he doesn't think that he'd have a problem doing it. He said that she's really hot and he wouldn't even want a blowy from her.
Artie asked Howard if he ever came close to that kind of stuff when he was single. Howard said that he did. He talked about blowing his load in his pants when a stripper was dancing for Beth. He said that he's had some girls who have really rocked his world too but he can't imagine staying with a girl who had been a hooker.
Howard said that if this guy had been his Rabbi, he would have gone every week. He said it's almost like a stand-up act.
Artie said that his mother once brought his father to a Pentecostal church because she wanted to get him healed from his neck injury. He said that he was so against it but his mother wanted to do it so he let her go for it. He said that it was fun being there with all of the people dancing around and enjoying church. He said they had two guys there who they had to heal and one of them was a drunk. His father was in his wheelchair and the minister goes up to him and tells him that he will walk again. Artie said that this mother burst into tears and he grabbed his father and ran out of there.
Howard said that the minister should have made him walk right then and there. Artie said that his father wasn't feeling anything after the guy told him he'd walk again.
Howard said he had some more clips of this guy so he asked Robin what he should play. She told him about some of the stuff that she had pulled. Howard said that the guy is in New York and he wondered why they weren't going to see him. He said that they really should.
Howard played a clip of Pastor Manning talking about hurricane Karina and saying that it was a blessing for the black man. He went on and on and Howard gave him a ''Wow!'' when he heard some of the stuff he was yelling about. He seemed very entertained by what he was saying. He said it almost sounded like a Chris Rock comedy routine.
Artie mentioned that today is the day that the Yankees are letting Billy Crystal play in a game. He said that he thinks that it's an afternoon game but he wasn't sure. Fred said that it's on at 1:15 this afternoon. Fred said that it should be on the YES network. Howard said he'll check it out this afternoon when he goes home.
Howard wondered if they're going to give him some easy balls to throw. Artie said that some of those guys don't like when people pull that kind of stuff so they'll do their best to make them look like fools.
Howard said that Artie had powder all over him. Artie said that he always ''powders the pin'' so he got some on his clothes this morning. Howard said that he'd better clean up before he goes to see that Loralai chick. He said he'd do that but he's afraid that she'd just turn him down because of the way he looks. Howard said she's not turning him down.
Howard played some more of the Pastor Manning clips. He said he had to take a break after that and then get to the Gossip Game. In the next clip Pastor Manning was talking about how God was in control that day, not President Bush. Then he let out some strange yells. Howard said that he loves the women in the background making noise whenever they hear the word ''God'' mentioned.
Benjy said that the guy had a very interesting story about how he became a preacher. He was in a park one day and a guy just walked up to him and told him his name was James and he was a preacher. He took that and figured that those guys playing chess were angels.
Artie asked Howard if he's still playing chess. Howard said he is and he's doing okay. He said that he's happy with his progress, but not really. He said he loves the game and he will continue to persevere. He wants to be the best he can be. He said he wants to get up to a 1700-1800 range score. He's in the high 1600s right now. He said that he thinks that Artie would be happy if he took up the game. He said that he'd take up a ton of that spare time he has if he took it up.
That led to the guys talking about golf and some other sports. Richard came in and told Howard he should take up snow boarding but everyone else knew that he wasn't going to take that up. He's always been afraid of doing anything that could be considered dangerous.
Howard said that he was trying to teach Jon Hein how to play but he gave up on the game. Jon came in and said that he got involved in other stuff around that time and he couldn't give it all of the concentration and time that he needed to. Howard told Artie that he has tons of down time that he could use to learn the game. Artie said that if he had a laptop that he could play with on those Saturday drives to gigs, he'd love it. Howard told him that he's seen Yucko the Clown playing and he really is bad. He puts every piece in danger on the board and loses them all. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just read an article in the paper about Don Buchwald representing the prostitute in the Elliot Spitzer thing. Howard said that isn't his agent and these dopey news reporters don't do any research before they go on the air with the news. He said that 1010 WINS news in New York City was reporting that it was his agent. It's not him though.
Howard said that it's a pain in the ass when your name gets confused with someone else. He had that problem with Anna Nicole's lawyer Howard K. Stern. Artie said that people think that he's Jessica Lange's son just because her last name is spelled the same. It was even reported in an article one time that he was. Howard said that it sucks for Don because he does have standards and he wouldn't be representing a hooker.
Howard said they're looking for the ugliest guy married to the hottest chick for a new contest. He said that they have to be married, that's a new rule. He said that any guy can say he's dating a hot chick but they can't all just say they're married.
Howard said that the sponsor of that contest took out a giant ad in the paper. The sponsor is AshleyMadison.com and they're a dating service for married couples. He said he thought that was pretty funny because it was in the paper right near some stories about Elliot Spitzer.
Howard wanted to talk about a new show they're going to be doing on Howard TV. They have a new game show in the works and it's all new programming. He said he was in meetings all day yesterday about the new show.
Mike told Howard that he did a story a couple of years ago about Tom Cruise doing an audition a few years ago for a bunch of women but he didn't really have one. He was doing a talent search for his next wife. He said he stuck by that story back then even though people didn't believe it. He said it was just confirmed by one of his people who has just defected from Scientology.
Howard asked Mike why he never reported the story about Spitzer, he must have known about it. Mike said that he didn't. He said that politicians don't really sell papers for them either. He said that the only one who would is Bill Clinton because he's almost like a rock star. That led to the guys talking about that for a short time. Then they got to the game.
Here's how the game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. He heard that he was out in the green room rehearsing his preview. Steve said that they have a story about going to the moon with some advertising and how they could get Howard's Fist Logo up there.
Steve said that they have a story about Gallagher smashing Jackie the Joke Man's joke machine on another show yesterday. Howard said that they got a lot of mail about that guy. He said that some people were asking Artie why he wasn't talking during that segment and he figured that Artie was just letting him roll with the guy.
Howard read through some of the mail he got about Gallagher. People pointed out how angry and bitter he seemed to be. There were some who thought that he was a great interview. There were others who didn't think he was very good at all.
Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about that King of all Pimps who was on. His cell phone caused some problems so they're going to have to ask guests to turn them off before coming in. There was some feedback about Ralph, as always, and some mail about Doug Stanhope that he read through.
Howard read some mail about Richard's ''Brown Mound'' song parody and how great that is. That led to them playing the song again. They had some fun with that and with the original ''You Spin Me Round'' with a porn clip thrown in.
Howard said that he got some mail about Gary going to see Bruce Springsteen and how gay that came off on the show. There was some feedback about Riley Martin and how great he is on the air even when he's saying nothing.
Howard talked about how great the story was that Riley told on his show on Tuesday night. He played some clips from the show where Riley was mumbling and slurring through the story he was telling.
Howard said that Riley's contract is almost up and his lawyer called the other day to talk about renegotiating. Tim Sabean spoke to him and told him that they have no more money to offer to him so the deal is the same deal and that's it. So that was it for now. There's nothing to negotiate.
Steve got back to his preview and said that Chuck Zito is in Sports Illustrated talking about how he did steroids for a few years and he's embarrassed he lied about that on the Stern Show. Howard said that he loves that guy. Steve said that they have a story about Eric the Midget getting some more praise on a WWE Myspace page.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin has started speaking out about this merger being held up so long. He asked Steve if he knew anything about it. Steve said that they tend to leave that kind of story alone so they don't piss anyone off. Howard said that might be the best thing to do.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be covering the story that Howard read about the research that was done on Howard, Artie and Gary. They're also going to talk about Loralai, Don Buchwald, Howard's hate for Dr. Seuss, Eric the Midget coming back and much more.
Howard got Mutt on the phone and let him get in a plug for tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Mutt said they're going to talk about the guests they have on the show and if the fans care if they're D-list or not. Howard said that he likes anyone who is interesting. He said he likes to mix it up. Mutt said they're also going to talk about JD and if he should get his own show. They're also going to talk about Jay Thomas' show that aired last Friday morning. Howard said that he's disgusted with Mutt's web page, SternFanNetwork.com, because the fans will attack him for anything he does. He said that's the one place that he should be able to go for solace. He said that he can't do that because they attack him instead.
Howard said that he can't get any respect anywhere, even in that rating report that he read earlier this morning.
Howard told Dominic that he's not going to apologize to him and admit that he was wrong. He's like Eric the Midget that way. He said that he really was upset that Eric apologized earlier because he wanted him to keep fighting with him.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Robin must have something strange going on with those enemas she's doing. Howard asked Robin how she's looking back there these days. She said that it's not quite as tight as it used to be. She said that it's a little more ''gellie'' than it used to be. She said that it kind of jiggles now and it didn't do that in the past. Howard said that his ass is still bad no matter what he does. He said that running should make it firm but it doesn't work.
Howard and Artie talked about the stuff they've been eating lately. Howard said he went to an Italian place yesterday and had some pasta and chicken with tomato sauce. He said that it was really good and he just had to say ''fuck it'' and eat some carbs. Artie said that he's still eating a bunch of shit food. He said that he's been eating all of that crap that he's always eating. He said that if he just cut out Hawaiian Punch and soda he could lose a bunch of weight.
Artie was all pissed off that the Yanks were letting Billy Crystal play in the game today. Howard said that he should try to get Artie in there to play as well. He asked Artie if he could get him an exhibition game, would he lose weight. Artie said that he absolutely would. He said that he'd have to get into shape to play.
Artie said that he thinks he could hit off a major league pitcher. He thinks that he could get a hit off of one of the bad pitchers in the major leagues. He said that he'd have to be allowed 5 at bats to get a hit though.
Howard said that they had video of Artie falling during a softball game. Howard wanted to see that a couple of times. Artie said he got a hit off that broad out in Vegas. Howard and the guys were laughing at Artie's fall because he fell and then the ball came back and hit him.
Gary asked Artie how many hits he could get if he had 5 at bats. He said he thinks that he could get 3 hits. Gary wanted to give him a reality check and asked him what kind of speed the balls were when he was playing in high school. Artie said that he had a .436 batting average and the speed was probably 85 or so. Gary said that they're throwing at 93 in the major leagues.
Artie said that he knows he's arrogant but he thinks that he could get the hits. Gary said that he's going to try and set up something with Jon Mains from the NY Mets since they know the guy. He said that they'd probably have to do it while they're not in the regular season so they may have to wait until October to do it. Artie sad they have to wait until October because the Mets will be out of it by then.
Gary doesn't think that they're going to let that guy pitch during the season because he could get hurt. Howard said that he has to practice anyway so why not practice and let Artie try to get a hit. Gary said that they don't do it that way and if the guy gets hurt, they're going to blame it on the show. Howard said that they shouldn't be trying to talk the guy out of it before they even ask him to do it. He told him to go make the call and set it up.
Howard said he thinks that Artie can do it and get a hit. They were still playing the video of Artie falling down in the softball game. Artie saw that again and said that his skills have eroded so maybe he shouldn't do this.
Robin read some stories about prostitutes and stuff like that since she was on the Spitzer story. She had a story about a child who was born brain damaged and the parents had operations done on her to keep her tiny, like a little child, so she would be easier to handle as she got older.
Robin read another story about a woman who had been stuck to a toilet for two years. They finally removed her form it yesterday. Her boyfriend thought she looked a little groggy and that's why he called for help. Her skin had grown around the toilet seat so they had to take her and the seat to the hospital. The guys spent some time talking about what must have been going on there. Howard said there's a good chance that chick wasn't hot.
Artie said that he's nodded off on the toilet and he's probably been there for 4 hours or so at times. He said that if you're on there for that long it is hard to get off so he knows what that's like.
Howard said that he once stayed on the toilet for a week reading a thick magazine and it was tough to get up after that length of time.
Robin read a story about the girl who was revealed to be the escort that Elliot Spitzer had been with. She had some audio clips of Spitzer resigning. The guys talked about what must be going on at that guy's house now that all of this has come out. His kids must be going nuts wondering what to do.
Howard said that those kid have a free pass to do anything they want to now that their father has fucked up so bad. He can't tell them they're doing anything wrong after this. Howard did his Bill Clinton impression and made up a conversation between him and Spitzer. He had Bill giving him some advice on what to do after this big screw up. He talked about what Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky and goofed around with that stuff for a short time.
Howard gave Elliot some advice himself. He said he could have saved his career if he had just done things differently.
Robin got back into her news and went through some more stories about Spitzer. She had some clips of people talking about what a hypocrite he was. Benjy got up to walk out so Howard told him not to leave, he needs him to do the show. He told him he was just kidding and he could leave. Howard figured he was just going to the bathroom.
Robin had some news about some comments that Geraldine Ferraro has made in the news lately. She talked about Billy Crystal playing for the Yankees today. She also had a story about John McCain and who he may be going with as his running mate. She had a story about shooting kangaroos down in Australia to thin them out. Paul McCartney is urging his fans to become human shields to stop the killing.
Fred ended up playing Henry Hill's nasty cough that they recorded when he was in last week. Howard told him not to play that because it makes him sick. Artie sounded pretty disgusted by it too. Robin read a story about Patrick Swayze and his battle with cancer.
Robin asked Artie if he thinks that his mother and father did anything sexual when his father was paralyzed. He said that he's pretty sure that they didn't do anything like that. He said he used to ask his father if he felt anything when he saw a pretty girl. He said that he'd feel something but it was only memories about what it was like. He said that his father figured it was God's way of punishing him for something he did and it was actually worse than death. Artie said he thought it was worse than hell being paralyzed from the neck down.
Howard had Robin get back to her news to get off the depressing stuff. Artie let out a ''Wah! I can't move!'' as Robin was getting back to her news.
Robin got into some stuff about American Idol. She had Howard playing some clips from last night's show. She read through a couple of others and then wrapped up. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Gary said that they tell you what people are really thinking of you and it's kind of creepy. He said that he didn't realize that Doug had sent it to the whole group there. He said that he was surprised that no one used the word ''funny'' to describe Howard. He said that they must give people adjectives to choose from. He found it odd that people didn't think that Howard should be described as funny.
Jon played a clip where Howard, Artie and Robin were talking about the results and how Gary wasn't really a comedian but they found him funny.
Gary said that he thinks that one person's definition of funny is different than another. He said that some people might find him funny because Howard busts on him. Artie said that he gets paid to be funny himself so he really wasn't upset about those results.
Gary said that Howard was rude and creepy and his was creepy and rude so they were just flip flopped in the results. Artie wasn't even sure why he was in that list of people that they sent out. Gary said they were just trying to figure out how different people on the show rated. Artie talked about how they probably do that poll and how they probably give people the words to pick from a list.
Jon wondered if Howard is bothered by that report. Gary said that he's probably not that upset about it but he probably is wondering what was up with it. Artie said that some people get bitter about his stardom and his success and that's what they're thinking when they fill out a survey like that.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that it got under Howard's skin. Benjy said that he thinks that the public knows who Howard is but if they're just picking people off the street, they're going to get some strange responses.
Gary said that he had an 11 percent recognition in the poll and he wonders if they asked those 89 percent about what they think of him without them even knowing who he is. Artie doesn't think they'd do that, they probably just polled that 11 percent.
Artie said that he doesn't think that gay stuff is funny but Gary said he thinks that it is. He said that he loves the line that they draw to the gay stuff and he loves Artie's reaction to it. The caller said that Howard should just admit that he's gay and then he hung up.
Gary said that he likes that the caller would rather listen to the bi-sexual Howard instead of listening to Scott and Todd. That led to the guys talking about other celebrities who have come out gay and how they were never surprised by any of that stuff.
Artie said that years ago when he was growing up he and his friends would talk about the kind of people they'd hate to find out were gay and Howard was one of the people on the list. Artie said that Howard is one of those guys who can get laid because he likes that gay stuff like American Idol. Gary said that Howard might like stuff that's not that manly but he's not gay sexually. Artie said that he's pretty sure that Teddy is a gay pussy but he doesn't love men or anything, as far as he knows.
Gary said that he knows that Artie was really good at baseball in high school. Artie said that was back in 1985 when he graduated. It's 23 years later so Gary pointed that out to him and said that he has aged and he's gained a lot of weight.
Artie said that he was able to hit off that pro softball player chick out in Vegas. He said that was the night after he got so drunk that he had to be taken to his room in a wheelchair. He told the guys he thinks that he could still hit off a pro baseball pitcher too. Gary said he's looking to make that happen.
Jon brought up the video of Artie falling down during that softball game. He said that he knows that it has to get to him when they play that. Artie said he was out of practice at the time and he hates that they caught it on tape.
A caller told Artie that he doesn't think that he'll ever get a hit off a major league player. He said that he had gone down hill himself after taking a year off from high school ball. Artie said that the difference between them is that he doesn't suck. He said that he won't be running in this thing either. He's just going to try and get a hit.
Artie talked about some of the stuff he did in high school and how good he was back then. He said that he will be able to get some kind of hit off the pro pitcher even though they should be able to strike him out.
Another caller asked the guys about that survey they were talking about earlier. He had some suggestions about the survey and how they could do it to make it more focused. Gary said he was bored shitless with the guy's explanation so they hung up on him.
Jon went to another call and the guy told Artie that he doesn't think he realizes just how fat he's gotten. He said that the softball chick could probably strike him out now. Artie said that he could get a hit off that chick even if he had his skin grown around a toilet seat. She said that she was horrible and he could get a hit no problem. He wouldn't be able to play basketball or anything like that but he still thinks he could get a hit.
A caller asked Artie about this show he's doing in West Palm Beach in a few weeks and the place is just a tent. Artie said that this show is his worst nightmare right now. He said that this guy Neil Berliner talked him into doing the show. He said that he heard it was 2,500 people and then found out it was only 500 and now he wants him to do a second show. He said he told him no to that. Artie had to get going around that time. He was going to work on his book with this guy Anthony who was there.
The guys spent a short time talking to Anthony about the book and how that's all working. Anthony said that Artie is telling some stories, he's editing them, then Artie will go over them and make fixes and stuff. Artie said that he's been telling Anthony stories and he'll take them down so he doesn't have to try and read his notes.
Artie said that he's got 5 stories done so far and that's how the book is going to be divided up. Gary said that Artie gave Will a story that they never used on the air. He had to rescind his story because there might be some legal ramifications. He said he's waiting to read that story in the book. Artie said that he can tell it in a lot of detail in the book so that's the good thing about that. He said that it's very interesting and dark. Gary said he can't wait to read that one.
Artie said that he wanted to get that story out of the way first so that was the one he did before anything else for this book. Gary said that he's trying to guess what it's about and thinks that it was part of a botched crime. Artie said that technically he's right.
Anthony said that Artie has been showing up early and getting this stuff out of the way pretty quick. He said that Artie has canceled some meetings though. One day he was at his building and he canceled at the last minute.
Anthony said that he wrote a book about Slash and told the guys about how they'd do the interview. He said that he'd be stuck in a room with the windows closed, no water and Slash chain smoking while telling him the stories.
Anthony also lived in Tommy Lee's old house when he was writing the book about him. He said that he and Tommy were doing shots of Jack and stuff every night that they were writing the book. He said that Tommy asked him to move into his house after all of that. He said that he and Tommy went to the Playboy mansion for the Midsummer's Night Dream party and it was great.
Anthony said that he actually had to put notes in the Tommy Lee book because he would be off by the year of his marriage by 8 years and stuff like that.
Anthony talked about writing a book about Eminem and dealing with his mother on some stuff. Gary said that he used to get calls from her and she'd introducer herself as ''Marshall Mathers the real slim shady's mother.''
Gary told one story about Benjy doing some research about Eminem on the show. He pulled him aside one day and told him about this woman in the database they used to search with and he linked his mother to Munchausen's by Proxy syndrome. Benjy put that in the notes and Eminem ended up talking about it during the show. Benjy said that it was the first time they had ever linked that story to Eminem so they had an exclusive on the show that day.
Gary said that Benjy also found out that Eminem's mother had sued ton's of people and won law suits. They spent a few more minutes talking about that but they had to take a break. They were still asking Anthony about the stuff that he's worked on for Rolling Stone magazine though.
Gary asked Anthony what he used to do with celebrities that was wild. He said that he went out pub crawling with Creed one time. He said that was pretty bad. Gary said that he had said enough and he knew what the worst interview ever was, he interviewed Creed. They went to break after that.
Jon had the guys move on to talk about the former escort, Loralai, who called in this morning. Gary said that he got a call from her yesterday and he was blown away by how easy going she was and how good looking she was. He said that she got afraid last night and she almost canceled. He told her to change her name and stuff like that if she wanted but then she came on this morning and didn't change a thing.
Benjy said that this shows how pervasive prostitution is and how there are a lot of women making a living at it. Gary said that he's waiting for Benjy to give out some kind of phone number for some escort service.
Benjy said that chick was hot and he thought her body was amazing. He said that he couldn't drop that $400 on a massage though. Gary said that Benjy used to tell him that he could get a hand job from foreign chicks for a box of cigarettes. Benjy said that one time he got a woman down to 10 bucks for a hand job but she was really ugly.
Jon played a clip where Artie was talking about going down to meet Loralai to check out her massage. After playing the clip Jon asked Sal what he thinks about all of that. Sal said that he thinks it's wonderful. He said that if you can get away with it and not get caught, it's great.
Richard said that he gets creeped out by a lot of massage places. He said that he's not sure what they're doing or not. He said that Dan the Song Parody Man knows every good massage parlor and he'd get creeped out thinking that some chick had her hands all over him before she'd rub him.
Gary said that he thinks that Sal would talk dirty to the chick if he went in for a massage. Sal said that he'd just want to get in and out of there so he'd tell her to just go to his penis.
Will came in and said that he used to live in Hell's Kitchen and he knew that Dan knew all of the good places to go so one of his friends asked to go for a massage and he gave Dan a call. Dan knew exactly where to go and what to do to get into the place. Richard said he's really creeped out by Dan and that van that he drives around in.
Sal said that there's a place on Wall Street where you can get that kind of stuff done. He said they're not Asian there though, they're Dominican. Sal said he went to get a legitimate massage done one time and the woman asked him if he wanted a happy ending. He said he turned it down and showed the woman his wedding ring. Gary said that the next thing was monkey's flying out of his ass. Sal said that story was true and he's regretted it ever since.
Sal told some other stories about how some of these places have all kinds of security to keep people out of those places.
Sal said that Richard got really mad this morning when he saw that Eric was back on the phone. He was happy that he wasn't calling in because their bits were getting more air time. Richard said that if Eric called in once a month he'd be fine with it. He calls in every day and he's doing nothing and they don't need to hear about it.
Benjy said he loves that Eric had the proof that Richard's call wasn't really a woman calling into the show. He proved it by saying that he had his regular push chair and not his power chair with him. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about all of the guests they had coming in. He mentioned Grandpa Al Lewis and Flip Wilson. He said he was looking forward to talking to Flip because he had his penis widened. He said that wasn't in the notes but he did hear that's what he did.
Howard mentioned that Don King was going to be stopping by as well. Robin said that she was kind of disappointed in him after the fight because he claimed he didn't see the ear biting incident with Mike Tyson. Howard said that Al Michaels is going to be calling in too.
Howard said they made the news yesterday. They were contacted by the FBI. Yesterday a guy called in and said that he had killed 12 prostitutes. Well it wasn't a fake call because after the show the F.B.I. called and asked for tape of that call.
Clay, as he called himself, knew details about the killings that only the killer could know. Robin seems to think that the guy wants to get caught because why else would he have called the show?
Howard said they did turn over tape of the show to the FBI. He said that yesterday they discovered a serial killer, today they'll be doing dick jokes. He had Fred doing his Marv Albert impression a bit and encouraged him to do the ''YESH!'' thing over and over again.
Howard had some audio clips of Hideki Irabu at a press conference. He played some clips of a guys speaking in an Asian language that wasn't understandable. He goofed around with that for a minute.
Howard said he's not sure what happened to the movie but they were telling him that they might get it back together by the end of the year. He said that the script was good and it should have been a fun one to do. He said that he would have been able to hop into the sack with a couple of hot broads if he had done it.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks he would have gotten wood in the bedroom scenes if he had done the movie. He said of course he would.
Another caller asked Howard about going into Canada with the radio show. Howard said that he is going to be going into Montreal and he hopes to go on in Toronto and other places up there. He said that the show is finally going international and his dream is coming true. He said they start up there in September and they'll be on CHUM FM.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the news about the serial killer made the news down in New Orleans. He said it was only on one channel down there though. Howard said that the FBI was so intrigued by the call because the guy knew so many details that only the killer would know. He said that he thinks that they had the real killer on the phones and maybe he'll call back with more.
Howard said he thinks that guy called because he wanted credit for the killing. He said that if anyone else out there feels they want credit for something like that, they should call the show.
She kept telling Howard that she wants him and how great he is. Howard told her that he can't date her until she's 18 but she really wants to meet him. He said that there's too much risk in doing that. He had some fun talking about what could happen if he did meet her. He said that's like Elvis getting Priscilla when she was 14 years old.
Howard wondered if he had anything in common with this girl. He asked her if she's into comic books. She said she's not. Howard said that she might be too mature for him then. Howard asked her about the pictures she has of him and what she does with them. She said that she has them in a book and shows them to her friends.
Michelle's mother picked up the phone at one point and Michelle yelled at her to get off. She did hang up so Howard and Robin were impressed that she had that power over her mother.
Howard talked to Michelle for a little longer about what she wears to school and what she does in camp. She got kicked out of camp. Howard said that she could end up being a stripper by the time she's 14. Michelle said that could happen. She said she didn't want that to happen though.
Howard asked if she saw his movie. She said she saw it the day it came out. She got tickets from her brother's girlfriend. She said she fell more in love with him even more after that. Howard told her that he can't date her now so she should call back in about 5 years. He told her that he should be looking for an 18 year old by that time. She wanted him now and said she wants to meet him now. She said she needs him.
Howard said that he's not Joe Piscapo so he can't date such a young girl. He said that he has to wait until she's 18. He told her to keep that tummy flat and to use that as a mantra. ''Flat tummy, flat tummy...'' He told her that he wants to date a hard body. She said she just wants him.
Robin told Michelle that she'd probably get up there and have no idea what to say to Howard. Robin also asked Howard if he thinks his daughters are having feelings like this for guys. He said he hopes not.
Howard asked her if she's in her pajamas now. A short time later her mother came back on and said she was going to kill her because she heard her on the radio. Michelle yelled at her once again and the mother got off the phone. She had her trained very well. Michelle told her that she knows she loves Howard so she should leave her alone.
Howard said that maybe Michelle's mother got upset when she heard her say that she wasn't hot. Howard said maybe he should go out with her mom. Michelle said that she'd have to kill him if he did that. Howard said that she's nuts. He asked her what she has as a fantasy. She just kept telling Howard that he was her fantasy.
Howard told the mother to come back on the phone so he could ask her some questions. She came back on a few seconds later. She told Howard that Michelle's whole bedroom wall is decorated with pictures of Howard.
Michelle started demanding that her mother bring her to New York to come on the show. The mother said that she didn't think that was going to happen. Michelle said that she has to bring her down tomorrow.
The mother said that Michelle won't even leave the house because she's afraid that she's going to miss out on something about Howard on TV. The two of them started arguing so Howard said that maybe he should date both of them. Michelle said that she would have to kill Howard if he did that.
Michelle was yelling at her mom to hang up the phone again and she did get her off. Michelle said that she has to come down there to see him. Howard wasn't sure that it would be a good idea though because he was seeing a side of her that he didn't like too much.
Howard told Michelle to get her mother back on the phone so they could talk about getting her down there. He thinks that she blew it for herself. Howard decided that he'd like to have her come in so he put her on hold and went to break.
Howard talked to Grandpa about Flip Wilson's penis for a few seconds. Grandpa didn't know why he'd want to do something like that to his penis. Howard also talked about how great The Munsters was. He said he loves the wacky old coot on the phone.
Howard told Robin to guess where Grandpa was going to be appearing this weekend. She had no idea so Howard broke the news to her that it was at a nudist colony. Robin asked if he was going to be naked there. He said he won't.
Howard asked Grandpa about being with the woman that's young enough to be his granddaughter. Grandpa said that's his wife. Howard asked him about the appearance he's making and what he's going to be doing there. He said that he will be judging a beauty pageant and a talent contest.
Howard asked Al if he's going to judge the contest naked. He said that it depends on his mood that day. He said that if he does get naked, he'll get a bunch of offers to do porn. He said that he still works these days and he could do that stuff.
Howard started to wrap up with Grandpa but he asked him if he kept anything from the old Munsters show. He said that he doesn't collect anything and he's not interested in anything like that. Howard was about to let him go but Robin asked if they can cover the event. Grandpa said that he'll call in when he's up there.
Howard let Grandpa go a short time later and Fred played The Munsters theme song. Howard made up some lyrics for the song about Al. Howard told Gary that they should send a camera along with Al to cover him at the nudist thing. Gary said they could do that.
Howard muted his voice and talked over the guy saying he had no idea what he was talking about. He let the guy ramble on and on about his job and the concert and a bunch of other stuff. The guy was going on and on about this Tori Spelling thing.
Howard interrupted the guy but the guy said that there's more to the story. Howard muted his voice again and talked about what a friggin' bore this guy was. He said there has to be a place where people like that just don't exist and that place must be heaven. He let the guy ramble on and on a little longer about Tori Spelling. The guy was saying some weird stuff about her so Howard gave up and hung up on the guy. He asked someone to poke out his eardrums with a pencil.
Howard heard that Flip had his penis widened for some reason. When Flip came in he told Howard the real story. He had an implant put in his penis so he can inflate it with a pump! He says that he doesn't have a problem getting aroused on his own but he gets so many women that he has to keep inflating it to keep up. The implant cost $35,000!
Flip went to one doctor and had the implant done. It came out crooked so he went back to the doctor. The doctor told him that he wasn't doing it over again so he had to go to another doctor and pay another $35,000 for another implant. He said that he has a $70,000 penis!
Flip sounded very hyper during the whole segment. He was rambling on about a bunch of different things. He told Howard that he really wanted to meet the lovely Robin and that his son met her a couple of years ago. He mentioned that he owns like 7 companies and makes plenty of money. Flip said he has a few children. His 27 year old daughter came with him today.
Flip offered to demonstrate his penis pump if Robin would pump it up. She didn't want to do it so Robin Radzinski from E! came in and did it instead. Flip pulled down his pants and underwear and let her pump it up a bit. She wanted to wear a rubber glove but Flip didn't want her to. From what Howard was saying it doesn't sound like Flip has much of a penis to begin with.
Flip said that he's going to be doing a 9,000 mile motorcycle ride around the country in the near future and may be in the area again so he'll call. There's no way he can out do himself if he does come back on. Howard went to break a short time later.
The E! guys replayed the tape of Flip taking down his pants. Howard said that those underpants of his looked kind of old and ratty. He described what was going on in the clip as they were playing it. Robin said that he wasn't all that big in the pants. They talked about the time that Sebastian Bach showed his penis in there too.
Howard said that he had Don King coming in next. He said that if he wants to come in he has to show his penis.
Howard took some phone calls and spoke to some fans about various things. One woman called in sounding kind of out of it so Howard asked her what was wrong with her voice. She said that she was choked by her old boyfriend. Now she has a new boyfriend. She also said that she shot him in the ass and he still didn't learn. Howard said he had to go because he couldn't take her voice. She was just calling to say she likes his show better than the John Boy and Billy show. Howard told her to come down to see them so they can choke her too.
Another woman called in and said that she was calling from Dallas where they're doing a Save Our Howard thing. they're trying to keep him on the radio down there because the Dallas station is going to be removing him. Howard figured that about 50 people were going to show up and it wasn't going to work. She said they have a lot of people they're getting together and they're doing their best to save him.
Howard tried to interview Don about the whole Mike Tyson / Evander Holyfield thing but Don was set on promoting the fights. Howard said that he thought it was funny how he said he didn't see anything when he was asked about the ear biting incident. Don said he was just there to promote the fights that were going on. Don did say that what Tyson did was indecent and wrong but didn't go much beyond that. He said that he's not going to discuss it with them today. He then started promoting all of those fights and just talked over Robin and Howard.
Howard told Don that he thought that was one of the greatest fights ever. He explained how he had paid for the fight and watched it and thought that the ear biting thing was great. Don didn't want to talk about that at all so he tried to get Howard to move on to other things. He just wanted to promote the upcoming fights. Don said that they are going to try and get Mike some help though.
Howard gave Don some plugs for the fights that he was there to promote. Robin said that she's going to go to see them.
Howard spoke to Don about a few other fighters and some stuff that's been reported about them in the news. Howard also let a few guys on the phone ask Don questions. The first caller asked him about Tyson's training and if maybe he didn't do enough of it. Another guy did an impression of Don yelling but he wasn't easy to understand. Howard started to wrap up with Don a short time later but he got a call from Al Michaels who mentioned that they're going to have a replay of the Tyson/Holyfield fight. The guys spent a little more time talking about that fight with Don before they went to break. Don was still talking as they went to break.
Al also had a story to tell about Ray Liotta. Al was at the new Barbara Walters daytime show when he ran into Ray Liotta. Ray has been on the show in the past so Al said something to Ray about that. Ray said that he had never been on the Howard Stern show in his life. He's been on the phone a couple of times.. Al just didn't understand why Ray would do something like that unless he's a closet listener or something.
Howard brought up Marv Albert and asked if Al thinks that his career is done after what happened to him recently. Al said he's not sure about that. Howard said he never thought he was all that great because he 'yucks'' a little too much. He said that his delivery is really strange and no human being really talks like that. Al said that he just doesn't have the range that a lot of those guys do so that's why he doesn't talk like that. Howard asked Al if he's ever been to a dominatrix. Al said he has not.
Howard asked Al if he's been doing stuff with Frank Gifford. Al said that they have worked together a couple of times and he has spoken to him about the problems he'd been having. He said he hasn't seen Kathie Lee since that all went down though.
In the past Al has avoided talking about his old friend OJ Simpson's guilt. Today he finally did. Al said that he doesn't hang out with OJ anymore. He said that he thinks that a lot of people who used to hang out with OJ don't hang out with him anymore. Howard asked him if he thought that OJ was guilty. Al said that he can't ignore the evidence.
Al talked about the call screener who let the prank caller through on ABC when he did the ''I see OJ...'' call. He said that the screener is now over at CNN.
Howard said that he just ran into Ray Liotta on an airplane the other day and he doesn't know why he'd deny being on the show like that. He let Al go a short time later and said that he's a cool guy.
Howard asked him if he knows the name of the song. Bob said the name but it wasn't quite ''ace of spades.'' Howard asked him what some of the other lyrics were. When he tried to say what they were, they still weren't very clear. He tried singing some of them again for Howard.
Howard said that Bob is going to be getting married and he wants to do it on the air. He said he's not sure he wants to do all of that on the air. He said that it would probably be boring to the audience. Howard asked him about the girl he's with and Bob said that things are going just fine.
Howard said he heard that Bob got into a fight in Cleveland. Bob said that he did. He was making an appearance out there and some guy sat in his chair so he beat him up. He had gone to the bathroom and when he came back, the guy was in his seat. He asked for the chair back but the guy gave him a hard time. Robin had to interpret some of that for Howard since he wasn't understanding it all.
Howard said he heard that Bob picked the guy up with his good arm and threw him across the room. Howard said it's pretty bad when you get beat up by a retard.
Howard asked Bob to say ''George Crackhead Bob Harvey'' since that's his full name. Bob had some trouble with it but he was able to say it eventually. Howard had him repeating after him to say some other stuff that he'd have to say at his wedding. Bob had some trouble with that.
Howard had Robin get into her news a short time later. She read a story about a father that turned in his son for a thrill killing of a fire fighter. Howard talked to bob some more about what he did before he had his stroke. He used to be able to drive a car. Bob said that he can't even do that anymore. He said that he actually cheated to get his license. Howard wanted to see what else they could get Bob to do. He wanted to have him try mountain climbing or water ski. Bob said that he did mountain climb one time.
Robin read through some more of her news and had a story about Jon Benet Ramsey. Crackhead Bob did a strange thing and made some weeping sounds. Howard didn't get why he was doing that and goofed on him about that.
Howard brought up the story about that serial killer that called in and how the FBI was asking for tape. He said that they cooperated with them fully of course.
Robin read through some more stories about Abner Louima, Claudia Shiffer and David Copperfield, and also about a new law for car jackers in Louisiana. That led to Howard talking about a guy who was being prosecuted for electrocuting an intruder in his home. Howard said that they had a guy out on the street interviewing people about that subject. He played those clips where most of the white people say it was okay to do that. When they interviewed some African American people, they thought that it was wrong to do that. Some of them said that it was a little harsh to electrocute an intruder. Jackie was laughing at some of those answers.
Robin got back to some more news. She read one about Tico Tores from Bon Jovi who gave some paintings of his own to Spike Lee to use in a movie. Now they've gone missing. She said that they were listed as being worth $30,000. Howard said that if they were worth 30 grand, they must have been in solid gold frames.
Howard took a call from a black guy who wanted to yell at him about the interviews he'd just played. Howard said they really just went out and picked people at random. The caller said that it had to have taken about 100 interviews to get those answers. Howard swore that he didn't doctor the tape. The caller didn't believe him. He said that any intelligent person wouldn't have given those answers.
Gary came in and said that they really didn't doctor the tape and they just went out on the street in front of the building and picked random people. The caller said that he thinks that they were all homeless people. The caller said that he thinks that anyone who breaks into your house should be fried. Gary told him that he's in the minority then.
Another caller went off on Howard about those interviews too. Howard told the guy that they did those interviews right out there in front of the building and they didn't just pick them out on purpose.
Robin read some more stories and had one about the guy who played Bubba in Forrest Gump and how he's had trouble finding roles since that movie. She also read a story about the Gulf war and how they had blown up some chemical weapons and the resulting toxic cloud may have hit thousands of troops that were over there.
Robin read through some other stories about a woman who was hit by a train and ended up finding out that she had a brain tumor so it saved her life. She had a couple of other quick stores that she read before wrapping up her news. Howard ended the show after giving Bob some more plugs for an appearance he was making the next night. Howard ended the show around 9:45am (Master Tape Theatre time).