|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about what date it was and then changing it to ''Mundtober'' in honor of Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said that Ronnie was out in Vegas over the weekend and when he asked him about it, he made it sound like it was no big deal going out there. He said Ronnie was out there to open up the new Rick's Cabaret club out there.
Artie said he tried to hire Ronnie to work his book signing as security but his book people had to talk to Ronnie's people and not Ronnie directly. Ronnie's security company is called Phantom Security. Howard figured that they call it that because Ronnie is so hard to find.
Howard said he hired Ronnie to do security for his wedding after they announced where it was going to be. He said that he got Ronnie on the phone and told him about why he was calling and Ronnie asked him what he wanted him to do. Howard said he's supposed to be the security expert in that so he should be able to figure it out. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Artie said he needed Phantom's advice on how to handle some stuff. He said that they had Howard off the ground at one point when he was being brought into his book signing and that's what he wants from Ronnie's people when they do his book signing. He told Ronnie that if there is only 5 people there, he still wants to be lifted off the ground like Howard was.
Howard talked about the first book signing he did where they had no organization because they didn't expect so many people. He said that there were thousands of people there and he only expected a couple hundred. He said that getting crushed by the fans would be the worst way to die.
Artie said he underestimated Howard's book singing and figured he could just swing by and get his autograph but it wasn't going to be that easy. Howard said it would have been hours for Artie to wait for that.
Howard said that he's only up to the second chapter in Artie's book so far. Artie said the chapters don't go in order so you can kind of mix them up and skip around. Howard said he'd like to see a movie of his book instead. That way he wouldn't have to read. He said he may buy the audio book though.
Howard said that Sal turns out to be the entertainment when you go out to eat. He said that Artie is obsessed with his cell phone. He said the phone wasn't working so he kept getting up to try and get it working. Artie said he was trying to make arrangements for the poker game he was going to. He said the phone didn't start working until the next day.
Howard said that Artie has a Blackberry and he wasn't able to get the ''Radio Off'' thing to go away and they weren't able to enable it.
Howard said Artie borrowed JD's cell phone instead. He said he kept getting up every minute so he ended up talking to Benjy instead. He had Benjy and JD sitting next to him on either side. Artie said that Howard showed up late. Howard said he did that because he figured they were going to show up late.
Howard said the food there was great. He said JD was no problem and ate everything. Benjy has rules about it and he won't eat just anything. Artie said Benjy won't let it go and he won't eat anything they put in front of him.
Howard said he was ordering a bunch of stuff and Benjy wasn't eating anything. He told Benjy to order something himself and Benjy would ask for weird stuff like vegetarian sushi and things like that. Artie said that he acts like he's Calsita Flockhart or something.
Howard said that Benjy finally got something to eat that he liked. Artie was loving a lot of the stuff they brought out. Artie said he could eat that Sushimi salad all night long.
Howard said that Sal was talking about his marriage and things like that so that was very entertaining. He said that he's a bundle of horrible stories when he's not on the air. Howard said that he wrote to Fred about it the next day and he was sad about the stuff he heard. Fred said he felt bad for Sal over the weekend, but only for about 5 seconds. Fred said that there are two sides to every story so maybe he was a victim that night and not every other night.
Artie said that he was being funny that night. Robin said that his stand-up should be about his marriage. Sal came in and said he didn't want their pity and said that he doesn't feel the sadness that they were seeing.
Howard said he wanted to tell Robin about all of that stuff but he wasn't able to get it all out when he saw her at the Matt Lauer roast the other night. Sal said that it is kind of shitty the way things are going.
Howard said that they were talking to JD at the dinner but he has a really tough time getting out what he wants to say. He said that no chick is going to listen to that and get to know him. He said that he's a nice guy but very awkward. He said that they were talking about film and things like that and he was very intelligent and articulate at times.
Howard said that JD never offers a topic, he just chimes in on the stories that they're talking about. JD said he doesn't like to rock the boat. He said that he did bring up one thing about an author by the name of Jerry Stahl. Artie said that he was the one who brought up the movie and JD was the one who came up with the author's name.
Howard said Benjy is so fat that you'd think he'd eat anything in front of him. Benjy said he looked online to see what to get there that night but they were all ordering a bunch of food and not individual stuff. Howard said that he told Benjy to just order a bunch of things that he wanted and they'd all share it. Benjy was going to get a plate of his own but then he saw how they were all sharing. Howard told him he should have just gotten his own.
Howard said that Benjy is a ladies man and he was telling them about all of these women that he's been getting. He said that Benjy was telling them about how he doesn't have a problem picking women up off the web. He said that Benjy can get women to come over to his place and he gets to fuck them when they show up.
Fred said that Benjy went over to one chick's house with a big, red dildo. Benjy said that the chicks come and go and he didn't get any last week. Howard said it comes in spurts apparently. Benjy said he hasn't been keeping count of how many he's had.
The guys said they were out until about 10 on Thursday night. Artie said he wished that he hadn't gone to the card game because he lost 8 grand. Howard said he could tell that he's really gotten into this poker thing pretty deep. He said that he was going nuts all night trying to set up this ride to the game he was trying to get to. Sal said that Artie was going nuts trying to get a working phone.
Howard said that he was going to try talking to the other guys while Artie was trying to get the phone to work. He said that Artie kind of bailed on him with that phone thing so he had to talk to the rest of the guys. Howard said that he and Fred held their own there for a while. He said that he asked JD what was going on at one point too and JD said that he's got some things going on. Howard said he knew that he was full of it when he told him that.
Artie said that what comes out of Sal's mouth is just extraordinary. Howard said that they're not going to hear that stuff on the air either. Sal said that stuff might come out if she comes in to take the lie detector test.
Sal said that he and Benjy went to Headquarters after dinner. They also stopped at another place called Playwright.
Artie said he thought that Sal didn't want to talk about that on the air. Benjy said that he thought that they just stopped there to use the bathroom.
Sal was talking about the way Howard was acting there and how he was trying to make everyone happy. He said that Howard kept asking Benjy what he could do to get him to eat. Then later on Benjy got a big bowl of salad and ate that.
The guys talked about how good the food was there at Nobu and mentioned some of the dishes they had. Benjy doesn't eat any seafood so that's a problem there. Most of their stuff is seafood. Howard said he had a couple of hours with Benjy and it was fine.
Howard said that Matt Lauer was working at HBO back when they were doing their FOX show pilots. He said that Matt was doing so bad that he was thinking about leaving the business to go and do gardening. He ended up getting hired at NBC a short time later though.
Howard said that he sees Matt out in the Hamptons once in a while and he's got a whole family going now. Howard said they had to be at the roast at 11:30 in the morning for a 1 o'clock show. They had a whole thing going on with that. Artie said that he hates that they have to be there so early but they have to be there for the press and stuff.
Howard said he has to be brought in the back entrance because he likes VIP treatment. He said that everyone ended up bothering him once he got there anyway.
Howard got to the roast and they made him go through the press line. He said his agent didn't go through that and he got Robin past it as well. Robin said that Don got her in so she didn't have to do that stuff. She wasn't made up for pictures so that's why she skipped that stuff.
Howard said that he didn't get made up for pictures either so he looked like shit. Robin said that she would have gotten her make up done if she knew she was going to be doing press. Howard said he didn't know what to expect there. He said he didn't know he was going to be going through the press line.
Howard said Beth looks great whenever they go out but he doesn't. Robin said that she's heard that she looks perfect even after she runs. Howard said she looks great even after a 5 mile run while she's laying on the floor all sweaty.
Howard said he got to the Friar's roast and they brought him in on this special elevator. He said that was nice and Clay Aiken was in there with him. He said that it was kind of weird because he was there with the woman who had his baby. He said that they were targeting him in the roast and it was really rough.
Howard said he was in the audience and saw Aretha Franklin perform the National Anthem and it was phenomenal. He said that it was the best version of the song he's ever heard. He said he wishes that he had a copy of it so he could play it. Then Tom Cruise walked out and did his thing. He said that he was kind of funny doing the material he had. It went on far too long though.
Howard said that they had Katie Couric, Jeff Zuker and other people going up but they had so many people in a row. It just went on way too long. Robin said that it did get really bad after a while.
Howard said he put his head down on the table for a while at one point. He said he was doing this for his agent and didn't really want to be there. He said that Don said that it was going to be great once the real comedians got up.
Jeff Ross got up and did his thing and he was brilliant but it was so far into the roast that he wanted to get out. Robin said that Jeff got up there and went off on Aretha Franklin. Howard said that he thinks that she left after that. Robin said that she did give him the finger.
Howard said that Gilbert Gottfried was so consumed with the free food that he didn't stand up after the National Anthem. He said that he was just there for the free food. Artie said that he's sat next to him on the dais before and he's all about the free food. He's seen him pocketing the packaged butter.
Howard said that he was waiting for Pat Cooper to get up and do his thing but he ended up doing just a couple of minutes. He wasn't sure if he was sick of how long it went or if he just had nothing to say.
Howard said the roast went on and on way too long. He said that he was complaining about it after they left. He said he tried to get up to leave at one point but Don made him sit down. He said that they ended up staying for the whole thing.
Howard said he got a note from Rob Burnett from Letterman's show and he was saying that the highlights were Gilbert and Jeff Ross.
Howard said that Tim Russert's wife was there and she looked like she was just pissed off about what they were saying about him. They had Tim's son doing some stuff there too and he was goofing on Clay Aiken and he didn't think he had any right to do that since he hasn't really done anything in his life.
The guys talked about Brian Williams and how he did pretty good. Howard said that Beth has a little crush on that guy and she thought it was kind of weird to see him cursing and stuff.
Howard said that he was supposed to go see Don Rickles that night but he was done with comedy after that roast.
Robin asked what was going on with Belzer at the roast because he couldn't read his own notes and was cracking himself up. Howard said he doesn't know what was going on there.
Howard said it did start out fun there but it just went on too long. He said he went home after the roast and wanted to get ready to go to see Rickles. He wasn't going to go but ended up going anyway. He said that Don did his thing and it was great. He didn't stay up there for hours.
Howard said that he was sitting next to Bob Costas at the show and they didn't say anything to each other. He's not sure if the guy has a problem with him or what but he didn't say anything to him. Howard said that Bob Saget was also there.
Howard said he was sitting there at the Rickles show afraid that he was going to pick him out of the audience but he didn't say a word. He ended up goofing on his friend Marco Battaglia instead. Howard said that he got up on stage with him and Rickles goofed on him up there. Howard said that he wasn't able to hear the show very well but it was still great to see the guy.
Howard said his father wanted to order the halibut since he's all about that when they go out to eat. He said he's locked into that whole thing over the years. He said he ordered a bunch of different things for his father to try.
Robin said that they didn't have a lot of food to eat at the Friar's roast. She said that she did find something to eat but it wasn't that easy with the way she's eating these days. Howard said that he was fixated on that because she won't eat a lot of stuff these days.
Artie said that he was trying to back off of carbs for awhile until he found out that he can't eat bread because it's ''carbs.''
Artie said that he got a thank you note from Beth the other day and she must do them immediately. Howard said that she does get on them very quickly. He said that she was doing the thank you notes yesterday while he was watching the Giant game. He said that he likes that she takes care of him like that.
Robin said that she got her's too and it really did come quick. She said that she saw John Stamos at Howard's wedding and she asked him to do something for her charity. Robin said she still hasn't sent him a thank you note and John pointed that out to her.
Howard said that John the Stutterer is coming in today to debate with Scott DePace. He said that he two of them are on opposite sides so that should be interesting. Howard said that Palin did it for him and he just has to vote for Obama. Artie said he has to vote for him too.
Howard said he has these thoughts about Obama and how he wants Martin Luther King to wake up and see that the guy is president. He said he'd love for that to happen.
Howard said that Martin Luther King would probably want to see someone like Wesley Snipes as president instead. He said that he'd want a really black guy to be in there instead of Obama who is a little lighter.
Howard said that Sandi Taylor is going to be stopping by today. He said that she's going to talk about what's going on with her career. He said that she's been a friend of the show for many years. She used to be known as Sandra Von Butt Corn on the show. Then she became Sandra Taylor.
Howard said that Sandi is the only woman to ever do both Playboy and Penthouse. Artie talked about how he used to beat off to her pcitures in the past. He said that she was really hot.
Howard figured that the whole 40 grand that Artie won last weekend will be gone soon. Robin said that he has to risk everything he owns, that's just what he does.
Howard said Artie wasn't able to enjoy dinner while he was going nuts with all of that. He ended up talking about Artie ordering this cake they had rolled out for them that night. He said that they had a fun time that night. Howard wondered how Coheed and Cambria was for Richard.
Howard said that Richard ended up wearing adult diapers to the concert he went to. Richard said that he ended up using them but they started to leak after the third time he peed in them. He said that the diaper gave up.
Richard said he was wearing the diaper and had to pee four times that night. He said that he would have felt weird if he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the concert. He said that he just let the pee run down his leg and onto his jeans. Howard said that he must smell awful and he's around people at this concert.
Richard said that he had to take the diaper off in the bathroom at the concert so that was weird. He said that they're made to be ripped off quickly.
Gary said that Richard ended up blogging this whole night and he talked about everything that went on that night. Richard said that he had to run out to see a movie after the concert. He went to the movie all alone though. Artie said that they need to get some protection from this guy there. He said he doesn't want to be near this guy after hearing all of this.
Gary read through some of Richard's blog and goofed on him about that stuff. Richard was talking about the busy time of year he has when he's going to the haunted houses and stuff.
Howard said that he would cut back on the drinking if he was going to one of these concerts where he wasn't going to go to the bathroom. He told Richard that he's crazy.
Richard talked about the concert and the band since most of the guys aren't that familiar with them. Richard said they're kind of like Rush with their cult following.
Gary said that they ended up autographing one of Richard's diapers there at the concert and they showed it up on stage. Richard said the audience was chanting ''shit your pants'' while he was up there.
Howard played some of the band's music and asked Richard if he remembers what song he was changing his diaper during. Richard wasn't sure when he did that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that the NY Times came out and endorsed Obama over the weekend. He said they had a huge page where they announced it. He said that wasn't a big surprise though.
Lisa G came in with her news preview and said that Anthony Boza is going to be working on Artie's second book with him. Artie said that they're not writing it already though. Lisa said that Boza told her about Bob Levy's read of the book and how hard it was for him to listen to it.
Lisa said that they have and interview with George Takei about the comments that Shatner has made about him recently. Takei thinks that Shatner is just looking for attention.
Lisa also said that the Craptacular 2 show is coming up this Wednesday and they've been testing out the equipment to make sure it's going to work. Howard asked Lisa if she'll listen to that or is it too gross. Lisa said that she can't listen but she thinks it would be nice if they had a woman in there. Howard wasn't sure that a woman could shit as much. Artie said that Lisa Lampanelli might be able to compete with those two.
The guys were also talking about Aretha Franklin and how fat she's gotten. Howard said that he doesn't even care about the fat after hearing her sing at the Friar's Club Roast.
Lisa also said that the Craptacular is going to start that night where they go out and eat at a Chinese food buffet.
Robin said that she wore the dress and she wasn't able to raise her arms about her head. Sandi said that there's plenty of leeway there and she was able to put on her jacket and all of that. Howard asked Sandi to raise her arms. She did that and it was making the dress shorter and shorter. Artie said that the guy wouldn't be looking at her purse if she was robbed.
Howard asked Sandi about going doody and how she can wipe in that dress. He wanted to know if she could get all of the remnants out. She said that she doesn't have any because she doesn't have hair in her butt.
Sandi said that she met Howard back in 1990 when she was dating Sam Kinison's bodyguard. She said that they had been out all night and they went on the show after that. She was talking about that when Howard asked her if she'd vote for Obama. She said she didn't want to talk about politics. She did say that she likes Sarah Palin and the way she relates to middle America.
Sandi said that the debates were confusing because everything was sounding good from both of the debaters. She said that she thinks the way Sarah handles herself is why she likes her. Howard said that she's relating to her because she's another hot chick.
Howard asked Sandi about dating Kinison's bodyguard and if she did drugs like they were doing. She said that she wasn't into it like they were. She said that she was exhausted from being up all night. She said that they propped her up in the corner because she was so tired and Howard asked ''who's the boring chick in the corner?''
Sandi did both Playboy and Penthouse and she's the only one who was ever allowed to do that. She did Penthouse first and then Playboy. Sandi said that she never got it on with Hefner or his wife. She said that she never even did lesbo stuff in her life.
Sandi said that she has had some wild years but never did any of that stuff. Howard asked her if she did anything with Stuttering John in his movie. She said that she did have a kissing scene with him and he was pretty damn good at kissing. She said that he kept it fresh.
Sandi said that she thought the movie was okay but not quite as good as Titanic. Howard said that he was happy to see that John got the movie done.
Sandi has been doing movies lately and she just did one called ''All's Faire in Love.'' She said that she did that with Ann Margaret. She said that she's 67 and she's still beautiful. Sandi said that she's still a great actress too.
Sandi said that she had to audition 5 times and thought that they had offered the role to someone else. She ended up getting the job and it was a great experience.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to ask her about going out with Double A. He was confusing her with Cindy Margolis who went out with him.
Howard asked Sandi how many times she's been on the show. She thought it was like 40 times. Howard sounded surprised by that. Another caller asked how they're supposed to know this bitch. Howard said that she's been on the show for many years. He said they started out asking her questions against a 5th grader.
Sandi was talking about being on the channel 9 show with Kenneth Keith so Howard told her that he's dead now. She said that he was so nice and that was so sad.
Sandi was shooting this latest movie in Flint, Michigan so a caller asked her what she did while she was there. Sandi said that she hung out with Christina Ricci and the other people on the movie. She even got to see her naked. Howard asked her about that and if they were both naked. Sandi said that they were and the wardrobe department saw them but he's gay. Artie said that you don't have to say gay after ''head of the wardrobe department.''
Howard asked Sandi about Christina's boobs and if she had nice ones. She said that they were nice and she thinks that they're natural. Howard asked her if her nips were nice and if she had any flaws. Sandi said that she didn't have any flaws and they had a great time hanging out.
Howard asked Sandi if Christina Ricci had a lot of hair down below. Sandi said she couldn't say, that's a girlie thing that she doesn't talk about. She said that she has hair on herself but it's not that much. She said that she likes to have that V shape of hair down there. Howard said that he got Beth to shave it all off and she's been sticking to that lately.
Howard said that the reason for hair down on a woman's private parts is to trap the smell for men. That's what it was for back in the caveman days according to his information. Howard said that eyebrows are to catch sweat from going into your eyes. Sandi said she thought they were there to stop dandruff from going into your eyes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this chick is so hot. He said that she's been on the show for 16 years and she's always been hot. He asked if she was in Under Siege 2. She said that she was. He said he loves her part in the movie and it's the only part he watches.
Howard said that Sandi has been doing autograph signings and she loves them. Sandi said that she and Catherine Bach go to these events to sign autographs and they get paid for them. She said that the guys come up and almost every other person talks about her being on the show. She said they get paid like $25 per autograph. She said that Catherine has a clothing line coming out too.
Sandi said that she gets $25 per autograph and can walk out with $10,000 at one of these events. She said that Linda Hamilton goes to them too and gets a huge line of people getting autographs. She said that Leslie Nielson gets huge numbers too. Beetlejuice was at one of these events too and she thinks that he was doing okay too.
Ronnie came in with one of the pictures that Sandi signs. It was her wearing a Giants shirt with her titties showing. Howard asked her what she wears at her signings. She said that she wears things like she has on today.
Sandi said that one guy was rude to her at the event one day and he was asking her what she thinks about the creepy guys who show up to those events. She said that the guy kept hassling her and wouldn't leave. He had a camera in her face and wouldn't leave her alone.
Sandi said that she met Kevin Nash the wrestler and he's a huge fan of the show. She said that she likes big guys like that. He was 7 feet tall with huge arms. Sandi said that he was really nice and where else would she meet people like that?
Sandi said that Bozo the clown was at the event but Howard told her that the guy who played him originally was dead. He wondered who was playing the part now. Sandi said that he came up to her and asked to take a picture with her. She said that Linda Evans was there too and she had a big line.
Sandi said that Bozo's line wasn't all that big. Howard told her to say who else didn't have a line. She said that Linda Hamilton probably made $35,000. She was kissing everyone on the lips when they'd come up to her. Howard said she must be really horny.
Gary came in with a list of the people who were at this event that Sandi was talking about. Howard checked out some of the pictures of the people who were in there. Howard said he knew one of the wrestling chicks there. Gary said that Boris Karloff's daughter was there. He said that Bumble Foot from Guns N Roses was there too.
Howard and Gary were going through some of the names and there were a lot of barely known people. Sandi said that Ace Frehley was there. Gary said ''I bet he was.''
Corey Haim was there too so Howard said that was kind of depressing to take money from the fans like that. Sandi said that she feels better when she gives it away. She said that someone else handles the money for her because she does feel so guilty about it.
Sandi said that she likes doing these events. She said that there are people who try to feel her up and put their hands on her ass. She had to move a guy's hand when he did that to her yesterday.
Howard was doing his Gamorrean Guard impression and his mic started to make weird noises. He was goofing on the Gamorrean guard guy for a few seconds.
Gary got Howard some audio from when Richard and JD went to this exact convention last year. They had some interviews with some of the odd people who show up to those conventions. JD found out he's 45 years old and asked him when he last got laid. Richard asked him if he lives with his mom. The guy said that didn't have much to do with the convention.
Howard played some more audio of Richard interviewing one guy and had him repeating ''How's it goin' guys?'' over and over again. Richard kept telling the guy the mic was broken and he had to repeat himself. Howard asked how long they busted the guy's balls. Gary said it was 2 minutes and 50 seconds.
Sandi said that she has a great time doing those conventions. She said that there are some people who shouldn't be there. She said that Kate Jackson was there and she probably shouldn't ever do them because she's so miserable being there.
Sandi said that she used to be a huge fan of Charlie's Angels when she was growing up and she used to play as if she were on the show when she was a kid. She said it was kind of a bummer that Kate Jackson was so miserable there.
Sandi said that she learned a lot from that show when she was growing up. Howard wanted to know what that was. She didn't want to give the details. She said that she learned the secret password thing and some other stuff but she wasn't able to pinpoint it. She said she learned to lock her doors because guys used to break into the house and stuff.
Artie was laughing his ass off at Sandi as she was telling them that stuff. He was laughing so hard he wasn't making any noise for a few seconds. Then he couldn't stop laughing at what she had just said about learning to lock her doors.
Sandi said that she loves Fred and she knows that when he laughs that something clever was said. Artie said that Fred hasn't been laughing during this segment. Sandi asked if she could call in and come up with some other stuff she learned from Charlie's Angels. Artie asked her to please do that.
Sandi said that she learned to wear socks when she sleeps from watching that show. She also learned fashion and hair styles and stuff like that.
Howard said that he likes how Kate Jackson doesn't like her picture being taken at a place where that's her job.
Howard told Sandi that she looked really good today. She was saying that she loved learning that ''Beaugeste'' code word on Charlie's Angels. Artie asked her if she learned anything from Fantasy Island. She said she didn't get to see that show, it may have been on too late.
Howard gave Sandi some plugs and that led to her saying that her godson just came out with a CD. She didn't want to say whose son it was that she's the god mother to. Sandi said that she couldn't say who the kid was but Howard said that it's going to come out eventually.
Howard kept asking Sandi who the kid was but she wasn't answering. Howard said that it must be someone famous. Sandi told Howard to play track 1 because it's ''I Am Not a Whore' or something like that. Howard told her that he wasn't going to play it if she didn't tell them whose son it was. Sandi said she can't do that.
Howard asked Sandi to give them an exclusive and let them know. Sandi asked Howard to please play the song but he wasn't going to do it.
Sandi eventually said that the kid is the son of her friend Val Robeson and Barry Gordy. She said that the kid wants to make it on his own though. Howard played some of ''I Am Not a Whore'' and said that he could sing that song himself. Sandi liked the song. Howard got up and danced with Sandi a little bit. Artie said that she might be his favorite guest of all time.
Howard said that Sandi dancing was what dancing is all about. Gary said that he was looking into Sandi's age and he thinks that she might be shaving a few years off. She has a Myspace page and she looks like she's even younger now than she was before. Howard told him to get out of there, her age isn't his business.
Howard played the second song that he had called ''LMFAO'' and didn't seem to be impressed with that one either. Sandi liked it though.
Howard said that Sandi has been the longest running guest they've had on the show. He said that once she danced everything cleared up. Sandi got in a plug for her Myspace page which is at myspace.com/sandrataylor_made4u.
Artie talked about how hot Sandi was back in 1995 and how he stopped in his tracks when he saw her on the cover of this magazine.
Gary asked Sandi what color underwear she was wearing because they had a debate going on about that. They thought she was wearing nothing. Howard asked her what she was wearing. She said that she wasn't wearing any. Howard had gotten a glimpse of her hair down there and said he didn't mind that. Sandi wondered where the camera was and how they got a shot of that. Howard pointed out the cameras and she wondered how they got that shot.
Sandi said that she gets a lot of crap from people when she says she's not wearing any underwear so she lies about it.
Howard gave her some more plugs for her movie and stuff like that. Artie asked how he can get on Myspace because he had no clue. Sandi said that she's been messaging Artie and Howard on Myspace but both of them don't have real Myspace pages. Howard said he's never been on Myspace. Artie said he has a guy that pretends to be him and it's not really him.
Sandi said that she writes to Howard and leaves him comments and stuff. She said that he never responds though. Howard said that it's not him and if the guy tells her to meet him somewhere, don't go. He went to break after that.
Howard said that some guys have come up with a faster way for people's computers to boot up. He said that people want stuff instantly so they created this instant boot thing that takes like 15 seconds.
Howard got sidetracked when he saw Robin eating a grape. He said that she was savoring it like she wanted it to last forever. That's her pigging out when she eats just one.
Howard read the article he had about this new boot process. Howard said he thinks this guy is going to be a billionaire after this new boot thing comes out. He said he wants it himself. They will be using this new process in the next version of Windows. Howard said it should just come on when you turn it on.
Ralph said that he's got a Mac and he never has to reboot it. He said that you can leave it on forever and not reboot it. He told Howard that he should have one too. He said it looks great and it works really well. Benjy said that when you turn it off and on it takes no time at all to reboot.
Ralph said that they control everything and that's why it all works so well. Howard said that most people have a Microsoft based PC though. Howard said he's still a PC guy and he's got like 10 million of them.
Richard came in and said he's a Mac person too and he's never had a problem with them. Howard said he has an iPod and he loves that thing. They talked about that and some other stuff that's out there.
Howard said he has a video iPod and he wants the Howard TV guys to stick stuff on there instead of on DVD. Richard said that he puts porn on his iPod and brings it with him when he goes out on the road.
The caller asked Howard if he saw the Celebrity Rehab show. Howard said he missed it but Gary saw it. He said that Gary watched it twice because it was so good. That led to the guys talking about how hot Amber Smith was back when she did Howard's movie.
Gary came in and said that Amber Smith didn't look good to him in the promo for the show but she actually looks phenomenal for someone who is addicted to the stuff she's addicted to.
Gary was also talking about what a mess these people are and then talked about Gary Busey and how he thinks that he's in the rehab center to help, not as a patient. Gary told Howard about the stuff Busey was pitching to Amber Smith and how she wanted to get away from him and talked about how crazy Busey was.
Howard played a clip from Celebrity Rehab where Amber was talking to Gary Busey and he starts giving all of these weird acronyms he has for just about every word out there. Howard said that he could watch Busey all day long.
Gary said that Jeff Conaway is back on the show and he looks like a rickety old man now. He's wearing a back brace because he had a back operation. Gary said that they have Steven Adler on the show and he shows up in an ambulance because they had to get him 10 days before they started the rehab because he was suicidal.
Gary said that Amber Smith looks the most normal of the bunch. Gary said they showed some previews and showed her puking her brains out. They also had a bunch of the guys in there talking about Rodney King and how they didn't think that it was the Rodney King who was beaten by the cops.
They talked about Steven Adler and how he had a stroke so his speech is all fucked up. Gary said that Adler cries whenever they bring up Slash's name. Gary said that Adler cried when he talked about Slash telling him that he wasn't going to bring him out on the road with him.
Gary said that Adler said that the longest he was sober in his life was 3 days. Howard said that he thought the guy was sober now but Gary told him that he's still a mess.
Howard brought up this Jennifer Hudson story that's in the news right now. He said he didn't understand what was going on there. They ended up talking about what they got from the news reports about Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother allegedly being killed by this guy who was married to her sister. The sister's son is now missing and they're trying to find him.
Howard was going through the story trying to figure out where Jennifer's father was and stuff like that. It turns out he died back in 1999.
Howard said they're looking for the Funniest Hot Chick for the show. He said that they have a $5,000 prize and you can enter by sending a video to them. You can find out more at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern
Howard said they have their Halloween special up on Howard TV now. He talked about some of the bits they do on that special.
Howard told John that he can't use notes so John said he's not going to do it then. DePace said that he won't do it if he does use notes. Howard said that he'll take that show away from him then. John said that's fine. John started to walk out so Howard had to call him back in.
Howard said that John wasn't stuttering at all now. John said that he's mad, that's why he's not stuttering. He said that his doctor told him not to get angry but he can't help it this morning. He said that he doesn't want to get upset if they let him do this the way he wants to. Howard said no one wants to hear him reading from a book. John said that they're his words, he's not reading from a book.
John tried to explain to Howard why he has to read from his notes and not just go off the top of his head. Howard told him he should be confident that he can do this off the top of his head. John was saying that he wasn't going to do it then.
Scott DePace came in and told him to get rid of his notes. John said that he has all of his notes right there. Scott asked him if he's going to have a whole page for oil drilling. John said that he has notes for everything that he needs and he does have a page for that.
Howard called Scott the Engineer in to fix a microphone that was wired wrong. Howard asked him how he got that wrong. Scott said that someone else checked it this morning and they must have gotten it wrong.
Howard said that Scott and Ronnie were busy back in the studio making prank calls to Bobo. He told Scott that all he needs him to do is put the right label on his board. Scott apologized to him about that.
Howard ended up talking about the prank call that they did with Bobo and Sour Shoes pretending to be Ferrall. Bobo thought that it was Ferrall and it wasn't really all that funny. Howard said that this is what Scott was busy with. The audio wasn't even that good because they pulled the audio from the video camera that they had in there.
Howard said that Sour Shoes, as Ferrall, was offering Bobo a job and Bobo wanted to do it. There was no joke there. Artie came in and tried to help with the bit but it wasn't helping. Howard said that they sucked the funny right out of Artie on that.
Howard asked Scott why he's not even laughing at this. Scott said he finds nothing funny, he knows that. Howard said he should be embarrassed by this because they were in his recording studio when they made it and it sounds horrible. He told him to talk to Sal and Richard about setting up a microphone for something like that.
Howard said that Scott was all proud of himself with that call. He told him not to do comedy bits and just get him the right microphone. He said he doesn't make it easy to work with him there. Howard asked him to please check this stuff before he passes it on to him.
Howard played the final few seconds of the bit and there was no punch line. They never told Bobo that he was talking to Sour Shoes. Scott said that the joke was that Bobo thought he was going to have a job out in Vegas with Ferrall. Howard asked him what the funniest part of the call was. Scott said that there were no funny parts.
Howard said he'd be so embarrassed by that bit that he wouldn't have played it for anyone. He asked Scott why he would bring that to him. Scott said that Sour Shoes had just happened to call in at the time so that's why they did it. Scott was making it seem like he knew it wasn't that good but he was just passing it along to Howard.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear that call again. No one was jumping in. Howard said that Scott and Ronnie have incredible timing with their comedy. Scott said that he guesses that you had to be there. Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear it again. Artie said he did so Howard replayed it. Artie said that he could stop it after about 3 seconds.
Bobo called in and said that he figured it out over the weekend that it wasn't Ferrall. Artie got a laugh out of that when he heard that it was over the weekend he figured it out. It happened on Thursday.
Howard said that Bobo gave $100 to Beth's run so he was going to rip up the check because he doesn't think he has that much money. He said that people told him that it would be insulting if he did that though so he didn't rip it up.
Howard told Bobo that he was talking to Sour Shoes again now and it wasn't really Howard Stern. Bobo said he knew that the bit was fake when he realized he never got a number or anything.
Howard told Artie to ignore those guys when they try to do a bit. Artie said he didn't know they were going to submit the bit to Howard. He said he didn't know it was going to be for the air.
Howard asked John if he's going to do the debate with or without notes. John said that he's going to do it with notes and Scott DePace didn't prepare so that's his problem. John said he's walking out if they don't let him use notes.
Howard asked John to get on the microphone and but he was on his way out of the studio. DePace said he guesses that McCain is going to win then. John was gone by then.
Ralph called in and asked why John can't use notes. Robin said that the two people debating usually have an agreement on how they're going to do it. Ralph thought that John should be allowed to use his notes. DePace said he wanted to debate Ralph instead.
Fred said that maybe they should allow John one reference. Howard said that they only reason he wants to read is because he doesn't stutter. The audience wants to hear him stutter.
Ralph and DePace talked about McCain and Palin a little bit. Howard told Scott he wins automatically because John walked out. He said that John hasn't been stuttering that much on his show lately.
Howard said that John wrote him a letter about how he's been using his show money, $200, to go to hookers. John wrote to Will about how they let him lick their beautiful cunts when he pays them that $200.
John came back in and said that he told DePace that he's going to fight and box him instead. He was calling a bald jerk off because he told him that he wasn't going to use derogatory terms for him. Then he started to yell and scream saying that he's on medication for his migraines and hypertension. He was getting too close to Scott so Scott asked him to back off.
John went off on Scott saying that he's not a family values guy like he claims to be. He said that he's going to strip clubs and stuff like that. He was comparing him to Rush Limbaugh and guys like that.
John said that Scott is an ugly, bald bastard and he hopes he dies. Howard tried to get his attention but John was concentrating on Scott and kept telling him that he hopes he dies over and over again.
John was all upset about what Scott was saying about him going to whores when he goes to strip clubs himself. John kept saying that Scott is a ''family values'' man but he keeps going to strip clubs. He was picking him apart about the values he has and how he doesn't stick to them.
John and Scott kept going back and forth over the stuff that John was bringing up. Howard saw that John was getting bareback blow jobs so he asked him if he was afraid of catching something. John said he doesn't care if he dies so he doesn't care if he gets something from them. John said he's got chest pains and stuff like that so he doesn't care. Artie said he's with John on that stuff. He doesn't care and he doesn't care if he dies either.
John was still yelling about stuff and kind of debating with Scott. He had his notes with him so Will was trying to take them away from him.
John was going on and on so Howard cut him off and said that he's worried about John getting blow jobs without a condom. He told him that if he wanted to die he wouldn't be going to a doctor.
Robin wanted to see how the debate would have gone if they didn't take John's notes. Howard gave the guys a chance to do their opening statements and started off with Scott DePace. Scott talked about why they don't want Obama in office. He had about a minute to do that. Then John the Stutterer got in his opening statement about why McCain shouldn't be President.
Howard thought that John won that first opening statement. He then asked the guys some questions and had them answer and debate on those questions. Scott gave his nice, calm answers and then John would yell and stick his finger in Scott's face as he was answering.
John would run out of time but he would keep going when Howard asked him to stop. Howard went to the phones and asked the fans who they think won the debate. The first caller said that he was on John's side but then he broke into his real voice which was Yucko the Clown. He went off on John a little bit and gave a few honks of his horn to him.
John the Stutterer was ready to fight Scott right then. He was showing off his skills there in the studio but DePace said that he could put him down with one punch. Howard told him that he had to walk it off. John said he hopes that Scott's kid dies. Howard told him that was classless and not very nice. Yucko told him it wasn't very nice and called John some more names.
Howard told John his shadow boxing didn't look too bad. Yucko said he thinks that John is a fuckin' cock sucking douche bag.
Howard said that he enjoyed the debate. Robin thought Scott's opening statement was ridiculous because he used something John brought up as the basis for the statement.
Howard said that John will be on tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm doing his ''Straight Talk'' show. Howard said that John seems to be feeling kind of confident. John said he was actually feeling kind of sick. Howard told him that's because of the shadow boxing he just did. John said he doesn't have good stamina. Howard said it looked like John was about to keel over.
John said that he's almost gotten into some fights recently. Howard said that John just knocked himself out by throwing those punches.
Howard asked if anyone was swayed after the debate. Artie said he hates both candidates even more now. Scott asked if it was a tie. Howard said that he would call it a tie even though he thought John had some good points.
Howard told John he's scared for him and he doesn't want him going to prostitutes anymore. John said that he did get some bareback blow jobs so Howard told him that he should stop with that so he doesn't end up getting herpes or something.
John was saying that he stuck his tongue up some prostitute's ass and he said he likes that but he liked the vagina better. John said that the women all let him lick and suck their beautiful vaginas. He said that it's all gone now though.
John said that he can't maintain an erection with a condom on so that's why he has to do it the way he does. He said he had a stripper who let him do it sans a condom. He said that there were a couple of girls who let him do something called a California snowball. John said that they let him shoot a load into their mouth and then he kisses them. He said he does that because he loves them. Everyone let out a big ''OH!'' when they heard that.
Scott got in a plug for his TheVideoCaddy.com web site after that.
John had a plug for a show he's doing for Adult Swim in January. It's called Totally For Teens and he shot a scene for them.
Ralph called in again and asked about John eating his own cum. He said that's gay and disgusting. John said it was his own though. Ralph said that's disgusting. Howard said it's not sexy at all. John said that he's just kissing the girls. John said that they spit it back into his mouth so Howard was about to vomit. John said that they don't really spit it back in. He said that he doesn't swallow it either. John said that the girls were hot too so it's not that big of a deal.
Howard played some audio of John cumming in a porno movie he made back in 2006. John said he got to have sex with about 30 girls in that shoot. Howard played the clip of John cumming and it was kind of creepy sounding. Howard was about to go to break but John asked if he could stick around there since he had to be there all day long. Howard told him he wants him to go back and relax and he wasn't going to let him stay in the studio. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said he thinks he got to everything he wanted to get to today. He said they sometimes have to pace themselves because there's a guy in Dubai who was fired from a radio station because he was representing himself as God. Howard said that he would never set foot in that country. Robin said that they arrested a couple there for having sex on the beach.
Howard read the article about this South African guy who was fired from Virgin Radio Dubai. The guy acted out a phone call with God and ended up getting fired. The guy was just trying to be funny and they fired him because of it. Howard said that he can't imagine being on Arabian radio.
Robin had some news stories from Dubai as well and they're not very forgiving for anything wild. Howard read that they're the most liberal out of the countries in that area but they still have a lot of things that aren't acceptable there.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview after that. Steve said they have a story about the Geo Group that was running the prison where Kenneth Keith died. They're being indicted over another case where a prisoner was killed. Steve said they have details on that case and the Geo Group isn't commenting on it right now.
Steve said they also have a story about Artie's book coming out in just over 2 weeks. They got a copy of the preview book and it's a masterpiece according to Steve. He said the book is ''off the charts good.''
Steve said that Jay Thomas was on the Today Show today and Shuli went down there to cover it but he wasn't able to get close to Kathie Lee Gifford. Steve wrapped up and was about to go when they started messing with him using the Sour Shoes prank call clips. Howard also played some of the prank call clips from where Sal and Richard jerked Steve around with the Sour Shoes clips.
After Steve's news preview Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today.
Robin said she went out drinking over the weekend with her friends who were on the show last week. She said that she didn't know how much she had to drink and she may have gotten a little wild. She didn't want to discuss what happened but said that she made a very bad judgment call. Howard wanted to know what that meant but Robin didn't want to say. She said she wasn't going to talk about it because it was such a bad decision. Howard said that it couldn't have been that much of a mistake.
Robin said that it wasn't sexual. She said that she feels horrible about what happened. Howard figured she ate a piece of cheese or something. Robin kept saying she didn't want to talk about it.
Gary asked Robin why she brought it up if she wasn't going to talk about it. Robin said he just wanted to let the young people know what can happen.
Ralph called in and said that everyone has done it but he can't say what it was she did. The guys were guessing at what she might have done like pissing her pants, driving home drunk, going home with some guy, shitting her pants or something like that. Robin said it was none of those things. Robin said she didn't drunk call an ex or anything like that either.
Ralph said it's something that Robin thinks she's above and she's obviously not. Robin said she really didn't want to talk about it. Howard told her that's gay and she should just tell the fuckin' story. Robin said it was a horrible thing to do. She said she wasn't talking because she's so embarrassed about it.
Someone said it was something that Ralph has done before so they guessed that she took home an indiscriminate man or something.
Robin still wasn't talking so she got to her news. She read a story about a man who made it to the Guinness Book of World records for weighing over 1000 pounds. He just got married after losing over 500 pounds.
Robin read a story about a man who lit fire to the hotel where he was going to get married because he had cold feet about the marriage.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know what he thought about the Matt Lauer roast. Howard had already talked about that. Then the guy got in a plug for his web site after saying he wanted to donate something to the North Shore Animal League. Howard hung up on him after he got in a plug for his web site. Howard said he hates when people do that. He was lying about what he wanted to talk about too.
The guys ended up talking about the Matt Lauer roast for a short time after that call. They were talking about how funny it was when they were goofing on Abe Vigoda. They told some of the lines that the comedians were using about him there.
Robin read a story about a guy who peed on his girlfriend's dog when they got into a fight. She had a story about women not using birth control and how women forget to use it or just don't use it. They had to go to break a short time later, around 10:35am.
After the break Robin said that another one of the Grateful Dead members died over the weekend. They lost another keyboard player, Merl Saunders. She read through that story and then a story about an Arkansas news anchor that was killed after being beaten in a robbery. She also had some more news about Jennifer Hudson's family's problems.
Artie started to laugh and said that he cried during that story about the missing Hudson kid. He said that he figured it would be best if he came clean instead of trying to hide it. Howard said he had his hand down his pants during that story and crying is better than that. Howard called him a fag and Fred played some Iron Sheik clips of him calling people ''Gay and Faggot.'' Howard said it really was a sad story.
Howard said he thinks that Robin got drunk and killed Jennifer Hudson's family and that's what she was trying to hide earlier. Gary came in around that time and said that he just saw on the news that they may have found the body of Jennifer Hudson's nephew in an SUV. Howard wanted to see if Artie was going to cry again after that. Fred played Michael Jackson's ''Man in the Mirror'' song that Artie once cried to at a concert. Artie gave Fred a ''Fuck you'' when he heard the song playing.
Robin read some news about Stop Loss thing that the military is doing to keep people serving. She said that they're going to be continuing that for a couple more years at least.
Robin reported on the World Series games that were played. She also had some news about the Presidential race and had some audio clips of Barack Obama, John McCain and Sarah Palin. Howard said he can't have that Palin in office. He was annoyed when he heard the clip that Robin had pulled. Robin said that the Anchorage Daily News in Alaska is endorsing the Democratic ticket for President.
Robin read through a few more stories and wrapped up her news with a story about High School the Musical 3 being the number 1 movie this weekend. They ended the show around 11:05am.
The guys talked about how dark John got with Scott today when he was talking about Scott and his family dying. Jon played a clip of John the Stutterer getting upset when Howard told him he couldn't have his notes during the debate.
Jon also brought up the issue with the microphones that Howard had and Gary said that Scott knew about it during the break and he didn't relabel anything. He said he should have just done that during the break instead of letting it slide. Gary said that Scott told him which microphone did what and Howard didn't remember what he said.
Gary said that Jon has listened to the show for years so he knows that this stuff goes on. Now he's seen it first hand. Gary said Howard was about to toss that clip that Scott and Ronnie did right in the garbage. Then someone said that it was Scott working on his comedy and it set a light off in Howard's head.
JD said that Howard was about to toss it when he told Jon that it was just another Scott and Ronnie bit and Howard loved that angle.
Scott said that they gave it a try and they did that because Howard is always asking for them to try out bits. He said that if it was bad it was bad and he could have thrown that out if he wanted. He said Dan the Song Parody Man's stuff doesn't go anywhere either and he still plays that. Scott said that's a bunch of hack stuff from Dan.
Gary said that Scott is doing something different now and not fighting with Howard. Scott said he told his intern what to do and it turns out he labeled it wrong. He said that he realized that during the break and let Howard know what happened. They added a new podium in there so that's why they had to change things around.
Gary said that Scott had time to relabel that stuff but he didn't do it. Scott said that he's right and he's sorry about that. That's Scott's new move to just apologize and not fight if people point something like that out.
Jon asked Scott if he was surprised that Ronnie wasn't in the studio defending their bit. Scott said he left him there. The guys said that Ronnie was actually in the studio hiding behind Jason the whole time.
Jon asked if Scott was upset that JD was the one who gave Howard that angle on the bit. Scott said that JD doesn't throw people under the bus so he doesn't care.
Gary asked Scott about some plan that he had to say something to Howard about not being invited to the dinner last week. Scott said he was going to do that but he had already let that out last week so he didn't bother this morning. Scott said that he's always on the do-not-invite list so he's used to it now.
Ronnie came in and went off on JD because he always seems to be on his case. He said that he's like John Melendez with a stupid face. He told him to go sit out there with his buddy John the Stutterer.
JD said that Ronnie knocked into him today and he told him to get out of his way. Ronnie said that JD is always in the way and running down the hall like a little mouse. He's always telling the guys in the office what to write down for Howard. He told him to stay away from him because he's going to end up losing his job there. He said it might be worth it though.
JD wanted to say something but Ronnie was talking over him. JD said that Ronnie once said ''look at your face and you'll see why I want to stab you.'' JD thought that was pretty funny and he said that he still loves Ronnie even though he hates him so much.
Ronnie said that JD is in everyone's business except his own. He said they should follow him around with a camera one day to see how he's in everyone's business. He said he can hear his feet running down the hall all day long like a mouse. He said that it's more JD than Richard and Sal.
Scott DePace said that it would have been bad if he had thrown a punch at him. Ronnie said that's why they stop that stuff from happening in there.
Scott said that he told John that he should get a job and that's what upset him. Ronnie said it was the comments he made about his whores that upset him.
Scott DePace was saying that if we do vote Obama for president that the country is punished for it. He said that he thinks that everyone who votes for him should have to suffer for what he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard said something about a guy who he would fire there but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wondered if it was Scott the Engineer. Gary said it could have been but Howard had a shot at firing him. Scott said he doesn't think that he's the one that Howard wanted to fire.
JD made a comment about Scott and Jon said that Ronnie was looking at him with a look of death on his face. JD said he was going to leave but Ronnie told him to stay and he'd leave instead.
The caller also brought up how Artie seems to have some clarity on the show and today he was crying over the missing kid story. He wondered if he's still on the wagon. Benjy said he thinks it was just the emotion of the story that got to Artie. Gary said that you never know what's going to affect someone like that.
Ralph called in and said that he had to correct Robin on something because he doesn't do what she did all the time. Ralph said that what she did isn't something that he does all the time. It's not horrible but it kind of tarnishes her image a little bit. He said it's funny but not funny but he can't say what it was. Ralph said he didn't think it was all that big of a deal but Robin obviously does.
Jon asked Ralph what he thinks of what happened with Scott and Ronnie's bit and JD giving Howard the idea. Ralph said he doesn't get why Ronnie is so upset with JD over the big. Ronnie said they were just goofing on Bobo and it wasn't a comedy bit. Ralph asked him how he had time to do that when he's supposed to be a security guard. Ronnie said he had a couple of minutes to do that so that's why he did it. Ronnie and JD were still going at each other but they had to take a break around that time.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that JD pushed Scott and Ronnie too far today. Gary said he didn't think that was the case at all.
Jon asked JD how dinner was last week. JD said it was great, he didn't do much talking though. JD talked about Artie's cell phone problems and how no one knew how to fix the problem.
Jon asked Benjy if he thought the cell phone was going to be the big discussion. Benjy said that they were hanging JD out the window trying to get better reception.
Benjy said that Howard kept asking him why he wasn't eating and that was the most stressful part of the evening. He was waiting for the food he ordered but Howard kept asking him why he wasn't eating.
Benjy was also drinking that night and Gary said he hasn't seen Benjy drink much so that was surprising to hear. JD said that Howard had a couple of drink and so did he.
The guys talked about Sal's stories that seemed to be entertaining that night. They didn't spend much time going over that. JD said that they sat them in the middle of the table that night and he knew that it was going to be a problem. He said there were just a couple of people who took a picture and came to the table.
Benjy said there was one chick who kept checking them out and Howard pointed her out. They joked that she was only 11 years old.
Gary talked about Sandi doing some really hot stuff back when they first met her. He said that she was so obviously trying to turn two young guys on back then. DePace said that John got hit by her on one interview he did. Gary said that John has been hit by a lot of people over the years.
The guys also talked about the song that Sandi asked them to play and how odd that was. Benjy thought the song was kind of catchy. JD said he didn't dig the vocal but he thought the beat was alright. Jon asked why he didn't like it. JD said he just didn't like it, he didn't have a good reason. He just blurted out an ''I don't know!''
The guys talked about the way Artie was laughing at Sandi when she was talking about the stuff she learned from Charlie's Angels.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sandi was the first one who played Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader type of game with them. He said it would be funny if they had to bring her to court to talk about that time.
Jon quickly brought up Richard's diaper at the concert story. The guys spent a short time talking about how they can't imagine doing something like that. Gary said that he's been to good Bruce Springsteen concerts and he's never wanted to wet his pants, there's always a song that you can leave to go to the bathroom. Jon had to end the show after that.
Howard started off the show complaining about the heat in the studio. He said it was really hot and wanted to know what the temperature was set at. Artie said it really was hot. Scott said it was only set at 71. Then it jumped to 72.5. Howard asked if it was a rectal thermometer, that's what he thought it looked like.
Scott said he moved it down to 69.5. He said the current temperature was reading 72.5. Howard said he'd like to work somewhere that he can control the temperature in there himself. He said it always takes a team to set it up for him though. He had the same problem at K-Rock.
Howard said he doesn't know if Robin believes in Karma or not. Robin said that she does. JD said that he heard that Bill Gates has a sensor built into his house that customizes the temperature in his house to the person who is in the room. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said he's heard that you're not supposed to have electronic things near your head when you're sleeping at night but he has all kinds of stuff around him to he puts pillows on them and throws some of them on the floor. He said his brain is getting radiated and he doesn't want that.
Howard said his daughters have cell phones at their heads all the time and he figures they're going to fry their brains too. Robin told Howard to stop that and told him that it's the family handing down the curse to the kids that makes them think they have a black cloud over your head.
Robin said that karma comes from people's parents and that's what happened to Scott the Engineer. Howard said that's not what karma is. Robin said that is what it is. Howard told her that she's wrong and she's starting to yell.
Howard said that karma is the universe reacting to people in the same way they act. He said that if you have good vibes then good vibes will come back to you. Robin said that's what she's talking about too and she knows that she's right. Howard said he knows she does.
Howard said he was reading about this guy Sumner Redstone in the paper and he's been kind of ticked off at him since they sued him. He said now the company is in financial trouble and he's thinking that's good and hoping it's because he left them. He said that the way they treated him might be karma coming back at them.
Howard said he was feeling happy about the company doing so bad. He said that Sumner Redstone is scrambling to keep the company together now. He said that guy has so much money he doesn't know why they were suing him when he left. Robin said that she thinks they felt like jilted lovers because they were having a love affair with him until he left.
Howard told Eric he's not going to pick up if he's going to threaten him like that. He said they have the Bunny Ranch chicks coming for him next week and if he doesn't come in he's not going to see them. He said he might have had a surprise for him too but now he won't know.
Howard picked up another call from a guy who asked what happened to Crazy Cabbie. Howard said he thinks he went off to make some porn movies or something. The caller also wanted to remake Private Parts using the Wack Pack. Howard didn't like the idea. The guy asked if he could win some money so Howard hung right up on him.
Another caller asked if Howard is going to do anything about Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader show. Howard said he's not but he's still pissed off at them for stealing the idea from his show. Howard said he wrote about that stuff in his book way back in the 90s and the guy who created the show claims that he was a fan so he thinks that he was inspired by the show to create it.
Howard read about the guys who were planning this assassination thing and one of the guy's had a last name of Schlesselman so Howard figured he was a Jew. He thought it was odd that a Jew was a skin head. He read that the guys were going to drive toward Obama really fast and shoot him as they drove toward him.
Howard said the Schlesselman has weird Groucho Marx eyebrows. Artie said that was the greatest thing ever. He got a laugh out of that. Howard and Artie did their Groucho impressions as if he were a skin head. Howard said he thought the skin heads were against Jews.
Howard said they got caught in the planning stages so that's kind of odd. They spilled the beans after being arrested for something else according to Robin.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to live in the part of the country where those guys are from. He said they didn't like him because of his northern accent. He said he's known some Jewish skin heads himself. He said they didn't hate anyone though, they were about peace and love.
Howard read about some of the freebies that Stevens got. He got a Viking gas grill and a massage chair. Howard said that's pretty lame that the guy can be bought out for something that lame. He said that he should have held out for some cool stuff if he's going to be corrupt like that.
Howard said that the guy is still running for office even after all of this crap. Howard said they also renovated his house for $160,000. Howard said that's a little better than the other lame stuff he got.
The guy was also behind the ''Bridge to nowhere'' that they were going to build up in Alaska. Howard said he gets so incensed when he hears about more taxes when they're going to spend 400 million to build a bridge to nowhere.
Howard said that he hasn't been hanging out with Ralph much since he puked in his house. He said that he's really not interested in hanging out with him right now. Robin said that's hurting him right now. Howard said Ralph always has problems when he comes over. He's either drunk and unable to find the house or he's vomiting in the house or leaving things all over the place and having people pick up after him. He said he can't deal with that.
Artie said he knows the whole story about slipping him something. He said he once had a guy give him ecstasy to keep him up when he was out in Vegas. He said he didn't want to do coke so he did that instead. Artie said he ended up taking 3 and it really hit him. He said he was seeing stuff and felt like he was melting. He went to the guy who was promoting the gig and told him that someone had ''slipped'' him something. Artie said the stuff he took is the instant brain damage shit.
Howard said Ralph claimed he had hit his head when he fell off his bike before he came to his house that night. That's what he blamed the puking on. Howard asked why he can't just have something happen to him that makes him a good house guest.
Howard said Natalie Maines seems to have taken Ralph in. He said that Natalie was over at his house around the time he puked in the house and she bonded with him then. He said she had him over to her apartment for dinner one night.
Artie said that Kimmel doesn't like Ralph and Ralph is probably trying to patch that up so he doesn't get into Howard's head. Howard said Jimmy isn't like that and wouldn't talk about Ralph behind his back.
Ralph called in and said that he's going to be staying at Natalie's house after her Halloween party. Howard said that someone asked him why Sam Simon would take Ralph in the way he did. He said he doesn't know why he would do that but he doesn't care. Ralph asked who brought that up. Howard said he didn't want to say.
Ralph said that he doesn't want to attack Artie there but he asked him why Howard believes every convoluted story he tells and not believe the stories he tells. Howard said the hitting his head story was bullshit and he knows that it had nothing to do with that puking. Howard said Ralph was doing stuff around his house that would cause him to puke. Howard said he's not a fan of the pot smoking at his house, he's not interested in that.
Ralph said that he was mortified about that whole thing. Howard said he should have done better at cleaning the sheets before shoving them into the washing machine. Howard said the cleaning woman was picking food out of the machine. Ralph told him to try waking up in puke and see how he would act. Howard said he's an adult, he doesn't do that shit.
Howard said that Ralph's visits all turn into a disaster. Ralph said he has no desire to go back out there now anyway. Ralph said that Howard has changed and he's very different these days. He said he's the man about town and Mr. Hamptons now. Ralph said he used to be Mr. Wonderful.
Howard said he never liked having someone puke in his house. Ralph said that he used to be more fun. Howard told him that he's so fucked up that he's ended up on a bus not knowing how to get home.
Howard said Ralph is the worst guest ever. He got a call from Sam Simon one time asking him to help get him out of his house because he was breaking shit.
Howard said he had Ralph over one time and he was sleeping in his living room with the lights out during a party he was holding. Howard turned on the lights and Ralph yelled at him to turn out the lights because he was sleeping. Ralph said he was just joking that day. Howard said he wasn't joking and he yelled at him to turn out the lights.
Howard said Ralph could have gone to his room to sleep instead but he's busy, busy, busy every minute. He said he's got the phone camera going and he's always busy doing stuff like that. Howard said Ralph is always talking about the great surfaces he can take pictures of. He suggested that Ralph go jerk off to that stuff. Howard told him to just shut up and go to bed.
Howard told Robin to have Ralph over and see how he acts there. Robin said that he was over the other night and he ended up laying down on a chair in there. Ralph wanted to talk about her and some of the stuff going on there. Robin made sure that didn't happen.
Howard said he still loves Ralph even if he thinks that he doesn't. He said he did hang out with him at his bachelor party. Ralph laughed and said ''yeah, that was wonderful.''
Robin said Ralph was at her place for 15 minutes and ended up laying down. Howard said Ralph is constantly leaving cups around his house. He's either got coffee going or drinks like sodas or water or whatever it is he's drinking. He said it's really annoying. He'll never have anyone over to his house though.
Artie said Ralph stayed over a couple of times at his place but he wasn't a problem. He said he must have horrible surfaces at his place though because that subject never came up.
Howard said Ralph will ask for his lunch to be wrapped up if they bring food out too early for him. He said if they bring it out at noon he'll ask them to hold off for later. Howard said then he'll starve himself for the day and then start eating and ends up puking.
Howard said the guy is high maintenance. He did his impression of Ralph asking for ice and glasses to use for his drinks. Then he'll leave the glasses around the house all over the place. Howard said he doesn't want to have that stuff all over the place and said that he finds himself wishing that he weren't there and that he'd go home.
Howard said Ralph doesn't drive out to his house so he's got to take the train and if the driver shows up early, he won't leave.
Ralph called back and said that Howard eats constantly. Howard said that it's his house. He eats 3 times a day. Ralph told him that he's constantly eating and that's why he's overweight. Howard said Ralph doesn't entertain anyone and people run from his apartment. He's never thrown a party or a dinner for anyone. He said that the one time he did have someone over the guy was asking for packs of gum and annoying Ralph. Howard told Ralph that guy is what he's like. Howard said that's karma right there.
Ralph apologized to Howard and said that might be the reason to stay away from each other. Howard said people have told him that he needs a staff just to watch Ralph. Ralph said he doesn't know why he's that much trouble.
Howard wondered if Ralph is using 30 cups to drink in his own house or if he uses the one cup. Ralph said that story is so not true. Howard said he's constantly walking around picking up after Ralph when he's over. He even had to pick up and chase down newspapers that blew around his yard.
Ralph told Howard he's turned out worse than his father. Howard said his father wouldn't have even attempted to have him over for 3 or 4 different times. He said at least he gave him that many tries. Howard let Ralph go but he knows that people are going to complain that he had him on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's happy to hear that Howard isn't taking any shit and telling people to fuck off. He liked that he told Eric the Midget to get lost and now Ralph.
Another caller said that Ralph was on the show 22 times last week and it's just too much. Howard said the guy sucks you in. The caller also asked if he regrets that he didn't videotape his wedding. Howard said he hates videographers who are in your face all the time and he didn't want to do that to people. He said that it would have been nice if he had video of some of what went on there though. He said he's trying not to annoy other people at the wedding so that's why he didn't do it.
Howard said they did take pictures at the wedding but he really hasn't seen them yet. He said a few have trickled in through Beth but not all of them.
Artie said that he agrees with them and maybe they should be feeding them now but they do have a budget. Howard said he was hoping that they'd just eat their regular food and not eat gross amounts of food. Howard said they eat every day and that's what he wanted to find out about how much they crap out.
Howard said that the whole point of the contest was to see how much an average turd weighs. He said he should have been more involved in this whole thing because they're not doing it the way he wants them to.
Joey Boots said that massive amounts of shit is funny. Howard said he thinks they shit plenty and that's funny enough. High Pitch had his TV on so Howard had to ask him to turn it off. Eric said he had the stock market ticker going on his TV. He was watching the news to see who he should vote for. He's looking for someone who will extend unemployment. Boots laughed when he heard that.
Eric asked how the food is going to work out tomorrow. Howard told them to just eat their normal amount of food. Artie said that they'll pay for it. Howard said it should be a normal amount of food for them. He knows that's a lot of food.
Gary came in and asked who was breathing so heavy. Joey said it was Eric but it was obviously Joey. Howard told him he's got to lose some weight. Joey told him to shut up.
Artie asked Joey when he last had gay sex. Joey said it was about 3 weeks ago with a guy he met on the internet. He said that he does clean himself up down there before he goes and does anything. Joey said that he likes the younger type guys that they call Twinks.
Boots likes this guy Kevin Kraft that works there with Howard. Gary said that he was harassing Kevin so much that they had to ask Joey to stop.
Eric asked Artie if he can meet him to get some money for the food. Artie kept telling them ''No!'' over and over. He said he can't give them money for food because of what Howard said. Gary came in and said that they're going to start the Craptacular tomorrow at 7 and end it the next morning. Howard asked Gary to have Tim handle the money thing with the food.
Gary asked Eric if he's going to do the thing he asked him to do. Eric said he's probably not going to do it. Gary said they asked him to do something for 5 grand and he's not going to do it. It's called the Wheel of Panic.
Howard said they were going to have Eric come in and spin the wheel and it all has to do with fish. IT might be ''touch a fish'' or ''don't do anything'' or maybe fish mittens or fish shoes or something like that. He gets $5,000 if he does 5 spins. Joey said that Eric is already 2 grand behind in his rent money. Eric said he just wants to get the Craptacular over.
Eric said he can't do it. Gary told him it's free money though. Eric said he can't do it because there's fish involved.
Eric said that when he was living at home with his parents he had fish in his room and he always hated looking at the dead fish in the tank. Eric said he doesn't like to look at dead fish because they made him sleep in the room with them.
Gary asked if it would be better to do it with live fish. Eric said that won't help. Eric said that his parents would just leave the dead fish in the tank and then they'd disappear. His parents would get rid of them. Gary said Eric is making it sound like his parents left a corpse in his room or something. It was just a fish.
Howard asked Eric if he was fat as a kid. He said that he was always fat. He was also in special ed classes. Someone went into Eric's room and told him to just do the fuckin fish thing. The guy told him over and over to just do the fuckin fish thing. Eric said that was his neighbor. Eric said the guy started knocking on the door and he opened it up. Eric's dog was barking like crazy when the guy knocked.
Artie thought it was funny that this guy living in a flop house had SIRIUS in his apartment. Gary said they give the radio to Eric and that other guy has to pay for it. Artie asked if people have no shame.
Howard asked Eric about growing up and if he had a lot of friends. Eric said he did. He said he still has a lot of friends.
Joey told Howard that Eric was never Bar Mitzvah'd. Eric said he never wanted to go to Hebrew school so that didn't happen. They asked Eric if he's got any brothers or sisters. He said that he's got a sister and he'll bring in pictures of her.
Eric said that he's not going to do the fish thing so Gary said they're going to take that off the table. Howard told the guys to just eat what they eat every day and not eat more than usual.
Tim Sabean came in and said that they're going to bring them food tomorrow so they don't eat themselves into a frenzy. Howard told them to skip the buffet tonight. Joey said he'll eat only what he eats usually. He likes crab legs. Eric said that they're too hard to break for him so he doesn't eat them. They spent another minute talking about that before Howard went to break.
Howard came back and said he had Jeff the Vomit Guy on the phone. He has a haunted house business going on that he wants to promote. Howard asked Jeff if he works there. Jeff said that he does work there for a few weeks. They run it for a few weeks in October and continue it into November.
Howard said that Jeff is perfect for that because he would scare people. He said he'd be running out of there if he saw the guy in the house.
Jeff said that he gets paid based on the attendance of the haunted house. The house is in Brooklyn somewhere around Flatbush Ave. and Aviator Rd. Howard said that Richard is into this kind of stuff and goes around the country to see different haunted houses.
Jeff said that he had a girl over to his place to vomit on him recently. He said that she was a Latino girl and it cost him about $85 to do that. Howard asked if he had to negotiate the price. Jeff said that she was willing to come cheap because she was kind of on the heavyset side.
Jeff told Howard she didn't mind doing it for him and they used the bathtub to make sure that it didn't get too messy. Jeff said she had some food ahead of time and she let him stroke her tongue to make her gag. Jeff said he used his index finger to induce the vomit reflex and he found it very sensual and erotic.
Artie said that you'd think that him laying naked in the tub would be enough to make someone vomit.
Jeff said that the foreplay is the nauseous look on her face and then he jerks off after she pukes on him. He said that's when he gets excited enough to ejaculate.
Howard ask if he cleans up after that. Jeff said that he does wash it down the tub after that. He said that he told the woman she was successful and lets her go.
Howard asked Jeff who he was going to vote for. Jeff said he was for Obama but he doesn't vote. Artie said ''good'' to that.
Jeff got in some more plugs for the haunted house and let him go. Fred threw in some Richard vomiting clips as they were letting him go.
Howard played a clip from some Ghetto porn movie that he had. He said that he's all about that. The woman in the clip was asking to taste the guy's ''juice'' in the clip.
Howard said they're looking for the Hottest/ Funniest chick for a contest they have going on. Howard TV is sponsoring the promotion and you can find out more at HowardTV.com
Howard said that Lawrence Taylor is coming in but they had to take a break first. Artie said that there's another guy going around using ''LT'' as his name like Taylor used to do. That must piss Taylor off. Howard said that it probably does piss him off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked the Howard TV show where Gary used his lips as Labia. The guy said they should have a Biggest Labia contest in there. Howard said that they have something in the works for that but they can't find a sponsor for it. Gary said that it's on the list.
Howard mentioned the Halloween special they have on Howard TV too. He mentioned LT coming in again and said he really does have to take a break. They ended up talking about what they could discuss with him when he comes in. Artie wanted to know what he thinks about the current Giants since last year was the first year they won a Super Bowl without LT. Howard said they'll talk to him about banging chicks and stuff like that too. They went to break after that.
Gary said that LT was waiting to come on and Lisa G asked him to do something and LT just glared at her. Howard said he must get asked to do a lot of dumb stuff like that. Howard said that happens to him all the time.
LT said the dumb stuff he's asked to do is marry people. Howard said that pussy is like LT's kryptonite. LT said he got divorced back in 2005. Howard figured he got cleaned out back then but LT said he didn't. He said he wasn't married long enough to lose much. Howard figured she got half but LT said she only got what she deserved or 2 years.
Howard said he has a pre-nup with Beth. LT said he didn't have one with his wife. Howard said Beth said that she would sign anything he wanted her to.
Howard asked LT when he last got laid. LT made it sound like it was last night but then he said he was just kidding and he's not getting laid.
Artie told a story about LT getting hurt back in 1985 when he was playing basketball at their high school. Artie said that they went in to give him a towel or something and LT asked them where he could go to ''fuck some bitches.''
Artie said that the wasn't like a football player at that point, it was just a black guy mad at them. LT said Artie must get that a lot.
Howard asked LT about how he must be caught between two different worlds because he's a famous black guy so white people must not like him and the brothers must be jealous of him. LT said it's not like that. Howard said it has to be like that.
LT said he hangs out with a lot of different guys and it's not like that. He said he hasn't been hanging out with OJ lately though. Robin said it's hard to play golf with him now that he's in jail. LT thinks that the case that went on was bullshit and you can't give the guy life for trying to get his own stuff back.
LT said that he would go back and get his shit back if that were him. Artie said that if you killed your wife and a waiter 12 years earlier, you might not do that. LT said that might be true.
LT said that he just told OJ that he'd see him when he gets back. Howard said that he might be the shittiest friend ever. Howard said he would have asked for his golf clubs at least.
LT talked about this other football player that's going by LT. He said he doesn't think that he's trying to get in on his action or anything, that's just the way things worked out. He said he hears it on the TV and wonders if he's doing something in the game. Artie said he feels like that too when he hears LT during a game.
Howard asked LT who is going to be taking care of OJ's woman while he's in jail. LT wasn't sure so Howard told him he should go take care of her. Howard said that he might want to run like hell once OJ gets out.
Howard asked LT about OJ's girlfriend and if she's hot. LT said that she can be hot sometimes. Howard thought he was saying that she wasn't that hot but LT said that's not what he's saying at all.
Howard asked LT if he's ever gone out with OJ and his girl with his wife. LT said he hasn't. LT got married again so Howard asked him about that. He wondered how long he waited before he got married. LT said that he was seeing this woman before he got his divorce done. He said he wasn't cheating on his wife though.
LT said that his wife was jealous of him and things didn't work out. He said that this is his third marriage. Howard figured he'd be done after two. LT said that the women end up crossing their legs and that's the way they cut him off.
Howard asked LT about his new wife and how she hooked him into getting married. LT said that her name is Lynette. He said she's light skinned black. Howard figured she was almost white like Eddie Murphy's wife. Howard said he loves that and loves black women. He said he's given it to a black woman before and she loves it... or loved it.
Howard asked LT if he got in there with Eddie Murphy's girl. LT told him not to start that shit. He didn't want to get into it.
LT told Howard that his wife wanted to get married on 7/7/07 but that was a Saturday so he wasn't going to do it that day because he plays golf. Howard said that he's proud of LT playing golf instead of doing coke or something like that.
LT said he told his wife that if they could get the wedding over before he had to play golf, he'd do it then. He said they got a preacher to come in and get the ceremony out of the way so he was out on the course by 8 in the morning.
Howard said that's very unromantic. He asked why women want to be married to a man who doesn't want to be married. LT said she's not looking for money. Howard said it doesn't sound like he loves her that much but LT said that he does.
Howard said that maybe LT is psychologically damaged and he can't really love another person. Fred started to play some sad piano music trying to get LT to break down and cry. LT told him not to start this shit again. He was laughing when he said that.
Howard asked if the family was upset that they didn't have a wedding. LT said he didn't even tell his mom that he was married until about a year later. He said she didn't want him to get married again.
Howard asked LT if the sex is still good with his wife. LT said that it's fine. He said he doesn't even care anymore. LT said that he's out of town a lot so he's not around to do it much. Howard asked him why he would get married then. He said his dick still works so he wondered what the hell he's up to.
Howard asked LT how many times he's getting it. LT said ''Oh, with my wife!?'' He said it was too early for these questions. Howard said he must have an arrangement with his wife that he can go out and get laid. LT said that his thing is his wife. He said he's sticking to that.
Howard asked LT if he's cheating. LT said he's not. Howard said there's no reason to get married if you're just going to go out and cheat.
Howard said LT has a new video game out now. In the game you can hire hookers for the other team. Artie said that sounds like the greatest game ever. Howard said Gary was going to get it for the kids until he heard that. LT said he saw the hookers in the game and he was getting some wood. Artie asked if you can buy blow. LT said he doesn't think you can do that. The game is Blitz: The League 2.
Howard talked to LT about hookers since he's had some in the past. LT said that they are better than wives because they go home after you pay them.
Howard asked LT if he gets bored because he's done everything in his life. LT said he likes playing golf and he might to go a go go bar and hang out there for a while and then go home. He said that he had a problem with coke in the past but he hasn't done drugs in 10 years now. He doesn't go to meetings anymore for that but he's been clean for a decade.
LT talked about playing golf against Michael Jordan for fun when he's in town. He said that they bet on the game and it can be around 10 grand a game. LT said that Jordan is playing really good right now.
LT said that he's been living in Florida so that's where he's going to the go go bars. He said that the women are primarily black at the club he goes to. He was saying that he's heard that the girls will give hand jobs there at the clubs. He said it's not just the hand either.
Howard asked LT if his wife gets upset that he goes to the club. LT said that he doesn't tell her. Howard asked how much a hand job costs down there. LT said he's ''heard'' that it's about $75.
Howard asked LT if he's so big and thick that he finds it hard to fit inside a woman. LT just laughed. Robin was laughing her ass off too.
Howard asked LT if he's ever had trouble getting inside a woman. LT said it depends on the route you go. Howard figured he was talking about doing it doggy style or something. LT told him he's going to come knocking on his door soon if he keeps this up.
Howard said that this video game promotion must be driving him nuts since he's not at the tittie bar instead. LT said that he'll be hanging with his buddies after this stuff is over.
Howard asked LT if he cares about the Giants now. LT said he'll watch a game if he's near a TV but he doesn't really watch that much. He's usually playing golf when they're playing. LT said he likes the way the Giants are playing right now though.
Robin asked LT if he would coach football. LT said he'd rather watch two chickens fuckin than coach football. Fred played some chicken clucking sounds after that.
LT said he really doesn't want to coach because he'd get pissed at the guys if they couldn't do what he thought they could do. He said he'd get fed up with them and send them into the showers. He said he lucked out when he got Bill Parcells as a coach.
Howard asked LT why he's not doing commentary for games. Artie was saying some stuff so LT asked him what the hell his problem is. Artie told LT that he's a big fan and he had to fill Howard in on some of the details since he has no clue about football.
Artie asked LT about Bill Belechick and what he was caught doing. LT said that getting the other team's plays is no big deal and they should still be able to beat someone even if they know their plays.
Howard wished LT luck with this new video game Blitz: The League 2. It sounds like a pretty hard core game. He gave him another plug for that and said it's available for Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3.
Howard told LT that he should take some lessons and he might get really good at golf. Artie said putting 10 grand on a hole can make you better pretty quick.
Howard asked LT again if he's too big and thick for these women. LT just laughed. Howard said that LT was miserable before he came in the studio. LT said he knows he has to come in there prepared because they're off the chain.
Howard asked LT if he's going back to the tittie bar after this. LT said he'll be in there tomorrow. He said he just found Tootsie's down there in Miami and it's a great club. He said they have a line of white girls working there so his wife doesn't have a problem going there. He said that all of the black girls are upstairs at Tootsie's. Howard said they have to go down there and go play golf and then go to Tootsie's. LT said that it's the greatest place down there. Artie said they don't have to play golf. They can just go to Toosie's.
Howard asked LT about Tootsie's and if he has to pay for his own drinks and stuff. LT said that he does sometimes. He said he's heard that if you go into the back room then you have to pay.
LT got a call so Howard figured it was his wife. LT said she doesn't have SIRIUS so she's not hearing this stuff today. Artie said that he should make sure no one tells her what he's saying today because second hand is even worse.
Howard asked LT if he was proud when he broke Joe Theisman's leg. LT said he wasn't proud of that. Artie said he's never seen LT so panicked before that. LT said that he got kind of queasy from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about the way they're charging the fans these huge fees to get into games now. LT said it's a sad thing to do. LT said that it's not the seats that pay the players, it's the advertising on TV that pay the players. He said that it's just not right the way they're treating the fans.
Howard thanked LT for coming in and said that he's having fun so that's what counts. He told LT that this can be his home away from home after Tootsie's. Howard said that he'll have LT over anytime. LT asked if he could come over and hang at his house because he's got a real sexy wife and he might just come over and take her. Howard said there was nothing funny about him saying that. He told LT that his address is 1313 Mockingbird Lane trying to throw him off.
Howard gave LT some more plugs for the video tame and talked about the ability to buy hookers for the other team. Artie said that late hits are back in the game too. They had to end the interview a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard said that Dr. Drew Pinsky is really good with these people and he seems to know what he's talking about. He said he's a very likable guy. Robin said that he does seem to really care. Howard said he might not but he might just be a great actor.
Howard said he's not sure what they pay those people but the show is phenomenal. Artie said he could get a price if he asked his agent to get him and offer.
Howard said the greatest part is that Gary Busey thinks that he's not a patient there. He wants to be a mentor to the rest of the people there. Howard said Dr. Drew was saying that the head injury might be affecting Busey.
Howard mentioned Steven Adler and how fucked up he is from doing drugs. He played a clip of Adler talking about going out and getting crack. Dr. Drew was telling him that he wanted to save him and Adler breaks down crying that he's lost his best friend Slash (From Guns N Roses). Howard said that Slash is probably running for the hills.
Howard said that Tawny Kitaen is on the show too. She's hooked on Oxycontin and stuff like that. Amber Smith is also on the show and the guys are already hitting on her.
Howard talked about Jeff Conaway being all bent over from his back operation. Howard thinks that it was all in his head and he didn't need an operation. Howard said Steven Adler was smoking weed on his way to rehab. He played a clip of Adler singing ''Roll, Roll, Roll the joint'' as he was smoking up in the van on the way to the hospital.
Howard said he gives that show an A+. He said that Rod Stewart's kid has been in and out of rehab like 10 times. Gary said that kid is very arrogant and acting like he's done something with his life when he really hasn't. He was on the show one time and they talked about how arrogant he was in there too.
Howard said they have an ''I Want to be Howard Stern'' contest going on right now too. They've got a bunch of people they have to judge and pick a final 3. They're going to have the final 3 do shows on the next three Monday nights and then they'll pick a winner from those three.
Howard played the first clip of one of the entrants and AJ Benza and Brian Dunkleman were one of the teams that entered. In the clip AJ and Brian talked about Brian leaving American Idol and how it was one of the biggest mistakes in entertainment history. Brian said it will probably go down as the worst mistake in history. The guys liked what they heard from AJ and Brian and Artie said that they're proven guys.
Howard said that Ham Hands Bill entered the contest too. He played some of his entry. As soon as Artie heard him he said that he was in. Howard played about 10 seconds of that and said that they should keep him in. Gary told him to let it play because it gets better. Bill goes on to talk about the natural scent that comes from a woman. Artie was cracking up hearing him doing his think.
Howard said that Goody Dickman entered the contest. He played some of his entry. He did it like he does his song parodies and introduced a song. Gary said he plays a lot of his greatest hits.
Howard played one from someone by the name of Timothy Judd. The guy was doing the show as an angry fan of the show. He had a British accent and goofed on the fans that call in and don't have anything to say. Then he goes off on Ferrall's show talking about what a boring thing that is. He was bashing that show and The Wrap Up Show as well. Gary said the guy went off on everyone and they thought he was actually pretty good. Howard was liking him too. The guy was talking about the same crappy commercials they play on his channels 24 hours a day. Then he went off on Sal and Richard and the bits they do over and over. Howard said this guy is on to something. Howard wondered how old this Timothy Judd guy was. He had some good stuff in that entry.
Howard said they had an entry from a former intern, Dante, so he played that one next. In that clip Dante was talking about Sarah Palin and her crazy talk. Howard liked that one too and said that it was going to be tough to pick just three.
Howard thought they were going to have to have a meeting to pick the final three but Gary said they had to do it today. Howard played more of Dante's entry. Dante was talking about some of the stuff they've discussed on Howard's show lately. He was pretty angry too.
Howard played an entry from Carlos Navarro. The guy said he was going to accept Howard's offer to ''join the revolution'' and that's what he's going to do with his radio show. He talked about how ready he was to do his show and doing an impression of Scott Ferrall. Howard thought the impression was pretty good. Howard said he was good and all of these dudes sound pretty good.
Howard played some of Mariann from Brooklyn's entry. Mariann did her usual yelling on that show. Howard said she's got a charm there. Artie said ''Really?'' Howard then played some of Lamont Stewart's entry. Lamont called his show Audio Love Magic. He did some comedy bits. Howard cut that off and said that he needed to find the best ones to pick from so he can pick a final 3.
Artie asked if they should stay away from bad funny. Howard said they should listen to everything. He said that if they have someone who is funny bad then they should listen. If it's funny, it's funny. Gary said that they have some morning zoo sounding guys that just aren't that good.
Howard played an entry where this guy, Christopher Humphries, did an impression of Michael Jackson that was creepy and scary. Howard said this guy wins. He also did an awful impressions of Ted Kennedy, Ralph, Jackie and others. Howard said that this guy has to win. He was so bad that he was funny. Gary said they loved him. Howard said he has to meet that guy. Howard said they can call that show the Man of 1000 Annoying Voices. He continued to play some of the entry where the guy does his OJ Simpson impression and then his Ted Kennedy again.
Howard said this guy sounds like him when he was a kid when he'd do impressions of radio shows that he was hearing at around 7 years old. He had an example of that from something he had recorded as a kid. It wasn't too far off from that guy's entry. Howard was doing voices and they weren't all that different from his own. Howard said he had a hard time getting good guests back then. He joked that the L.A. Times slammed him back then too.
Howard played more of his young self doing voices. He was doing an impression of a guy by the name of ''Manny Street'' who was their man on the street. Howard said he tried to get his friends to come in and do voices but they didn't want to.
Howard said he had about 20 entries to go through. He had about 8 in red which were the best according to the guys there. He played another entry from this team of guys who were talking about the Batman movie. Howard liked what he was hearing there. They were suggesting that they get Leonardo DiCaprio to play the Joker in future Batman movies.
The guys were trying to pick from what they had heard so far and Robin wasn't able to remember what she heard. Howard played one woman who entered and said that it was hurting his ears and he had only heard about 10 seconds of it. Artie didn't think it was really a woman. He said he was just joking when he said it though. Gary said they get into some sex talk. Howard played some more of that show and said it was annoying sex talk. He said they should have just started to get it on right then.
A caller said that they should pick Ham Hands Bill because he's great. Howard said he likes him too. Another caller brought up Robin's recent story that she didn't want to talk about. Howard had no idea what the guy was talking about so he hung up on him.
The next caller said that AJ sucks and Ham Hands is great. Artie said he thinks that AJ and Dunkleman would be good together. Fred said that he thinks that they were very well produced. He thought that it should be AJ, Ham Hands and one of the other clips they listened to. Howard said they really have to do this off the air.
Howard said they're going to listen to the 20 or so tapes and finalize their decision. Howard said there's some good stuff in there.
A caller said that he thinks that Robin was driving drunk the other day when she said she didn't want to say what she did. Howard said she would never do that, she's a law abiding citizen. Howard said he had to go to break after that so they could get to the news.
Howard said he had a clip to play before they went to break. He said that the new thing is to mention Lucas Dell'Abate (Gary's son) when you prank call shows. This woman called a show and got in a mention of Lucas. The host of the show had no idea what was going on and let her keep mentioning the name.
Howard also had a clip of John McCain saying ''Credit cunt'' instead of ''Credit crunch.'' He played a clip of a weather man saying ''fucks'' instead of ''folks'' during a live broadcast. Howard said that was pretty good and that's probably what he was thinking.
Artie said he has to get the Beavis and Butt-Head shows on DVD. They were playing some clips of them in during the cursing stuff. Gary told Artie that they're kind of weird on DVD because they couldn't clear the music so all of the heavy metal stuff is gone. The guys talked about how great Beavis and Butt-Head were and how great Mike Judge is. He's had ''King of the Hill'' on the air for 12 years according to Artie. He said that's amazing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about a guy who has gotten the infamous Geo Group to crawl out of their hole. He said that they had lawyers show up unannounced trying to get a case thrown out of court saying that the lawsuit is bad for business.
Howard told Steve to go on with his news because he keeps staring at him like he's waiting for him to do something. Steve said he was waiting for cues. Howard said he doesn't have cues.
Steve said they have a story about the L.A. Times reporter who wrote the article about him that caused so much controversy recently. They also have a story about Richard Christy going up on stage at the Coheed and Cambria concert that he attended the other night. Steve wrapped up his news report with plugs for tonight's Riley Martin and Jackie's Joke Hunt shows.
Howard took a call from Goody Dickman who asked him to play 10 more seconds of his entry for the contest. Howard told him they've got it all under control and they'll listen during their meeting.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about Lawrence Taylor for a minute during that. They talked about how manly that guy is. They were also talking about his drug use and that led to Howard saying that people are still saying that Artie is still doing drugs.
Artie said that he's really not doing drugs and he's not even drinking. Artie said that he still wants to do drugs and it's hard to get past that.
Howard said that it took him a long time to get away from smoking when he quit. He said that those addictions are tough to get away from. Artie told a story about some guy who died of a drug overdose at 34. Artie said that he figures he's either going to get this drug thing out of his head or he'll end up dead like that guy. Artie said that the drug thing became an issue when he started doing the comedy shows at night.
Jon Hein got back to his show preview and got the guys talking about football again. They talked about LT and how great he was as a guest today. They also talked about Ralph and what went on with him today. Artie said that he's not sure if his house is a cool enough scene for Ralph to hang out at as much as he hung out at Howard's place.
Howard said that Ellen is doing nothing with that interview. Artie said that she wins Emmys and Peabody awards for that shit. Howard said she should be asking Hayden if Milo has a big, thick cock.
Howard wondered what Ellen is so afraid of and why she won't just ask her about dating the guy. Robin said they're all in Hollywood and they all play that game. Howard said the funniest thing is that Jay-Z and Beyonce haven't admitted that they got married.
Howard said he had another clip to play for Robin before her news. He said that was the good one. He has a few others like William Shatner and George Takei going at each other but he wants Robin to do her thing instead.
Robin said she was out with a bunch of writers last night for this Pen American Center thing. She said that Artie can get into it after his next book comes out. Howard could get in now if he wanted. Robin said that's where she met Mc G. Mya Angelou was there too. Robin said she really seemed to be out of it when she saw her. Then she got up on stage and she was completely with it when she got up there.
Robin said they had a bunch of poets there doing their thing on stage too. Howard said his kids love poetry so he pretends that he's into it so he can relate to them.
Howard said his daughter was hocking him about Barack Obama before he'd even heard his name. One of his kids volunteers for him. Both of his older daughters support him.
Robin said that they raised a lot of money at that event last night. She said that it was over by around 9 so she got to bed around 10-10:30. She said that's her usual bed time. Howard said that's amazing that she can go to bed that late and not nap during the day. Robin didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
Robin read a story about the director of ''Deep Throat'' dying on Saturday. Howard said that movie didn't hold up very well over the years. He said that the chick's tits were like fried eggs back then.
Artie said that one of his most favorite moments there on the show was yesterday when Sandi Taylor said that she learned life lessons from Charlie's Angels. She's supposed to call in with more of those lessons she learned.
Robin said that Sarah Silverman is going to be going back on the Jimmy Kimmel Show tonight. Artie said that he did the show with them one time and they were very cute together. Howard said Jimmy was talking to him about how ridiculous it is to have a desk on a talk show. Howard said he would just have a bunch of chairs and sit around if he had a show like that.
Artie said that he's going to be doing Letterman next week to promote his book ''Too Fat To Fish.'' Howard said he turned down the chance to do their anniversary show. Howard said he's not sure what anniversary it is but it might be his 30th in TV or something like that. He said he doesn't need that headache going on that show right now.
Robin mentioned that Sarah got a horrible review of her show in London. Artie said he thinks that the guy had something personal against her because of the way he wrote about her using some old material in her act. Artie said that's going to happen in anyone's act, especially when they go to another country to do a show.
Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel is still thinking about leaving ABC if they hire Jay Leno there. Howard said that Jimmy should stay there no matter what because it's a cush job. He said Jimmy sees it differently and thinks that he should be the 11:30 guy. Howard said he's not sure.
Artie said that Jimmy is great because they let him go on first over there. Howard told Artie that he should demand that from Conan too. Howard told him to just tell them that he wants to be on first and if they don't let him do it, then don't go on. Artie said that he's friends with Conan so he wouldn't want to demand something like that. Howard told him to just do it.
Howard told Artie to be like Eric the Midget and make demands like that. He told him he could also have that discussion with Conan on the show the next time he does it. He told Artie to ask Conan why he doesn't get to be the first guest on the show. Artie said he likes that idea.
Robin got back to her news and said that they didn't talk about Isaiah Thomas being in the news for overdosing on pills and then blaming it on his daughter.
Howard told Artie he should go on and tell Conan that his movie ''almost made a million dollars'' so he demands to be on first.
Robin read some news about the World Series and how the ratings have been pretty low this year. She also had some news about Jennifer Hudson's nephew being found dead. Artie said he caught some shit about crying yesterday during that story. He said his family and friends can be some crude motherfuckers.
Howard said he had family that he wished he could find dead in an SUV. He said they were very distant relatives. That made Artie laugh.
Robin had some audio clips of Aretha Franklin talking about the Jennifer Hudson thing. That led to Artie doing his impression of Aretha in The Blues Brothers movie. He knew the lines almost word for word like he knows The Godfather movies.
The guys ended up goofing on Stuttering John for a few minutes when Artie brought up how John used to screw him out of money when he'd do gigs with him. He said that John never wanted to pay him anything when they did gigs together.
Artie told a story about driving down to Philly to do a show with John and a bunch of other guys. He said that Nick DiPaolo had no room to sit because Otto and George will filling up the car. Sal went with them and John paid him $20 to drive them home.
Robin got back to her news and played some clips of people giving their thoughts on the Jennifer Hudson thing. She had some election news too. She read through some stuff about that the polls and about the assassination attempt that was being planned on Obama. She had some people reacting to the news about that.
Artie said that he's going to treat himself to a double Swiss burger at Burger King today. He said that the commercial makes it look so good. It's mushroom, Swiss on a steak burger. He said he's going to be an alternate for the Craptacular.
Robin said that they found Senator Ted Stevens guilty of the stuff they've charged him with. She played some audio from that announcement.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he ordered 6 of those Angus burgers that Artie was talking about. Artie thought it was Burger King. Howard said that the Angus burger that Artie was talking about was Burger King. Eric said that's what he had on his. He had mayonnaise on his. He said he had those 6 burgers and some apple pies and French fries. Artie was disgusted hearing that. He said that these burgers are big.
Gary said that Eric sent him a note saying he needed $10-15,000 to do the fish thing for them. He said it was like a ransom note. Howard told him he'll never get that kind of money out of them.
Robin played some audio of Michelle Obama on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Howard said she goes on there so no one will ask her anything too crazy. Leno asked her how much her dress cost and there were people screaming in the audience. Artie said he can't imagine knowing a person that would scream like that at a show.
Howard got a note from the guys saying that those six Swiss burgers that High Pitch ate are about 5000 calories. Artie said he had apple pies and fries too so it must have been a couple thousand more.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Jon said that it does seem like he's living his life the way he wants. He said one of his favorite parts was when LT talked about coaching. He had Teddy play that clip where he says he'd rather watch chickens fuckin than coach football.
Jon said he doesn't know as much about LT as Artie does but he knows he was a big deal on the team. Gary said he doesn't think LT has the patience to deal with someone like him if he was coaching. Gary said the guy doesn't seem to be interested in coddling anyone and he basically seems to think that he's like ''fuck everybody.''
Benjy said it sounded like LT said that he'd rather see two chickens fuck an N-word. They replayed the clip and it wasn't what Benjy heard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he didn't know it was Lawrence Taylor and thought it was the other LT. Gary corrected him on that but Jon figured he was just fuckin around.
Jon took a call from a woman who wondered if that guy was really joking around. The woman said that she doesn't get why the callers in the morning are so bad but the people who call the Wrap Up Show are so wonderful. Gary said it just depends on the day.
The woman asked about LT's phone ringing and if it was really his wife. Gary said he thought it really was her when he heard it ringing. He said he's pretty sure that someone will tell LT's wife what was going on but maybe LT threatened people to keep them from doing that.
Gary mentioned that he has a web site coming very soon that will have information about where he's going to be appearing.
Jon took some more calls and let some people ask some questions about LT. They had a few callers who had some information on the guy and told some stories about him.
One caller asked the guys if they knew that LT was part of this video game called Blitz. The guy didn't hear the interview so Gary told him that LT was plugging the game during the interview.
Gary said he was going to let his kids play that game until he read about what they let them do in the game. Gary said they play other M rated games but this one won't be going home with him.
A caller said that he doesn't believe that LT is on the wagon. The caller said that he doesn't believe that he's off the coke like he claims.
The caller was also saying that Howard won't go to a strip club anymore and he's sick of hearing that on the show when he tells LT he wants to go with him. Gary said he was trying to get the guy to talk about the strip club, that's why he was doing that.
The guys talked about LT talking about playing golf with Michael Jordan. Gary wondered what kind of money LT is worth these days. He said that he's not sure if he invested very well in the past. He said he can't have Michael Jordan money. Jon said that Jordan might not have a lot of money after his divorce. Gary said he's not sure how LT is making money now.
Another caller said that LT is like a breath of fresh air because he is so honest and you don't see that much these days.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wished that LT had more enthusiasm than he did. Gary said that he did have a long night because he heard that he was out at a strip club the night before.
The caller asked why they don't replay the Wrap Up Show during the afternoon. Jon told him that they do replay it in the evening, just not in the afternoon when people are driving home. Tim Sabean once explained that on the Superfan Roundtable and said that people want to hear Howard at that time and not the Wrap Up Show.
Jon also talked about Ralph and Howard and how they're not hanging out so much these days. Gary said that Ralph might be upset that Howard didn't have a lot of time to hang out while he was preparing for the wedding.
Jon played some audio from the show where Ralph and Howard were talking about hanging out and Ralph's puking.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't like Ralph too much. He thinks that he's right about Howard changing though. He said that he's like the old Howard now. Gary said he doesn't get what this guy means. The caller said that Howard started dancing with Sandi yesterday and he wouldn't do that just a few months ago. It seems like the old Howard is back now that he's married.
Gary said he hasn't noticed a change at all. He said that he did go out with his boys last week but they were a tame bunch. The caller said he thinks that he's changed a lot. Gary said that Howard was about 10-12 feet from Sandi when he danced so it wasn't that wild.
Another caller said that Ralph is upset with Howard because he's not getting any time from him anymore. Jon said that Howard has been with Beth for a long time now though so that doesn't make sense. Gary said that he wonders if Beth is different now that she's his wife. Gary thinks that Ralph might think he sees a change there even if she hasn't changed.
Benjy was asking a bunch of questions about hanging out with Howard and what the right thing to do would be. Gary gave him some advice to just not be a jerk when you go to stay at his house. He said it's pretty simple. Benjy said that it sounds like a stressful way to spend a vacation. Gary said that's because he's so disorganized and stressed out by simple thing.
Jon took a call from a guy pretending to be Gary the Retard and hung right up on him. Another caller asked Gary and Jon who they're voting for. Jon said he hasn't decided yet. The guy said that Obama is a Junior Senator and if they put him in office it's going to be like on the job training. Gary said that just because they put an old guy in there doesn't mean he's going to do any better. The caller and Gary went back and forth arguing about that bullshit for a couple of minutes.
Jon said he didn't want to get into politics right now but he spent a little more time talking about McCain. Gary and Jon said that they think McCain is a great candidate but it might not be the right time for the guy to be President.
Jon got the guys back on track and brought up the stuff they were saying about Ralph taking pictures of surfaces. Gary said that Ralph will touch everything when you go out shopping with him. He likes to feel stuff and he'll stop in his tracks if he finds something that feels nice.
A caller said that Ralph gives them a window into Howard's life in a way that no one else can. He said that he'd like to hear him on the air more. Gary said that he's on the show very often and he calls into this show all the time.
Gary said that he doesn't think that Howard and Ralph are really best friends like some guys are best friends. He might be more like a buddy. Gary said that Howard hangs with him once in a while but it's not every day like some guys hang out with their friends.
Gary said he's not sure if he fits that description himself. He said that they all have different relationships with Howard and none of them are really that close to him.
The caller asked Gary about what he, and the rest of the crew, are going to do when Howard retires. Gary said that he's not sure what he would do but he doesn't want to do a radio show himself. He said he'd like to bring Jon, Will and Jason along with him behind the scenes at another talk show or a TV show or something. Gary said that he doesn't think he could bring Artie in on another show.
Benjy said that the whole show depends on Howard and it could end any day now. He's not sure what he's going to do when the show ends. Benjy said that the best thing is to have a web site of his own that he could control himself. Gary asked him where he would look for work. Benjy said he hasn't really thought about it. He said he knows he can survive doing something in the entertainment industry. He thinks that he could do something as a writer or an on air guy.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard has changed big time and he's hob knobbing with a lot of famous people now when he used to make fun of them all. He said that he's kissing everyone's ass that he can now. Gary asked the guy if you should be mad at someone forever. The caller said that he's hanging out with Tom Cruise and people like that. Gary said he wasn't hanging out with Tom Cruise. He was at the Matt Lauer roast with him but wasn't hanging out with him.
Benjy said that people have always said that Howard has changed and they've been saying that for the past 10 years that he's been there. Gary said he's heard the same thing the whole time he's been there. He said if he didn't change they'd be doing the same stuff they were doing 25 years ago.
Jon asked Gary where they stand on this ''I Want to Be Howard Stern'' contest. Gary said they're going to go through the tapes today and pick out 3 finalists. He said they're all going to listen to everything today and pick those finalists.
Jon asked JD about Ralph and if he thinks that he and Howard are at odds again. JD said he didn't know but then said that he thought it sounded more serious today than it ever has before. Jon asked if he thinks that Ralph is going to try and move in on Robin's house. JD said he can move in like a chameleon with anyone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think that Howard has changed with his buddies at all. He said he can't see him changing at all and he just sees them at gatherings he goes to and that's it. The caller said he thinks it's good that Howard can change like that.
JD said he zoned out during that call so he didn't have anything to add to that. Jon asked what the fuck he was doing there then.
Another caller said he thinks that Howard is distancing himself from Ralph because he's a negative thing in his life. He said he thinks that Ralph is one of those guys that Howard just doesn't want to be around. Jon said he doesn't think that's the reason. It could be because of the marriage thing or maybe it's just one of those phases that Howard goes through.
Ralph called in and said that he wishes that Gary was still there because there were a few things he wanted to address. Ralph said it was tough to get in a word when he was on the phone earlier this morning. He thought Howard was mean and harsh on him today.
Ralph said that he didn't want to say too much without Howard around. He said he doesn't like the way Howard twists things around and makes it seem like he was demanding that they package up food for him. He said that he made a sandwich for himself at his house one time and put it in the fridge for later because he wasn't hungry. Ralph said that he didn't think he was doing anything that wrong. He said he doesn't expect them to do everything for him but he really doesn't eat that much and he wasn't hungry when Howard was eating.
Ralph was also saying that he's not sure about the photographing of surfaces thing either. He said that he may have commented on it but he didn't take pictures. He said he was just appreciating the design of his house because he is a designer.
Ralph said that he thinks that Howard has changed but everyone changes. He said he didn't want to get into specifics without Howard around but he has changed. They don't have as much in common right now and they're just at different levels, not that they've ever been at the same level.
Ralph said that he was never threatened by Beth either. He said that he's very happy for Howard and the fact that he's in love and she's in love with him. He said he really isn't jealous of that, he's very happy for them.
Ralph said that might be one of the reasons that they don't hang out as much but it's been that way for a long time now. Ralph said he doesn't mean this stuff as an insult, but Howard has just changed.
A caller said that it sounds like Ralph is trying to be respecting but he probably really misses the time that they used to spend together. Ralph said of course he misses that time. He said he enjoyed that time they spent together.
The caller said that Ralph has to admit that his life revolves around Howard. Ralph said that's really not the case.
Ralph said that day he threw up at Howard's place was mortifying. He said he didn't remember it happening and all he could relate it to was when he fell off his bike and hit his head on a truck. He said that it cost him $2,000 to go to the emergency room that day too and they kept him waiting around for 5 hours.
Jon said that if the throw up thing was an isolated incident it would be a different story. That wasn't the only time he fucked up though and Howard pointed out some of the other incidents.
Ralph was also saying that he doesn't get what the Jimmy Kimmel stuff was about either. He said that he has some friends that told him that he should be getting along with Jimmy because he's got a great house and has people over to hang out. Ralph said he has more fun goofing on the guy. He said that Jimmy is too sensitive about stuff like the way he busts his balls.
Ralph said he was nice to Jimmy at Howard's wedding and got along with him fine. He said he's not sure why Jimmy went off on him on the Celebrity Superfan show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard has changed since Beth came into his life and he's going out to parties he wouldn't go to in the past. He also asked Ralph if he thinks that Howard is pissed that he gave Ralph the shot to make his career huge and he never ran with it. Ralph said he doesn't know what this guy is talking about. Jon tried to explain it to Ralph as he understood it. Ralph said that Howard has always offered to plug stuff if he gets into something and that's the extent of it. Ralph said that Howard's got no reason to be disappointed in him.
The caller said that the association with Howard is going to open up doors for him and he should take advantage of that over the next couple of years.
The caller was also talking about the way Ralph called in on the Superfan Roundtable and stole time from the fans. Ralph said he called in and did it at the end of the show for like 2 minutes. The caller thought it was more like 10 minutes. Jon said there are times when he won't pick up on Ralph. Ralph said Howard doesn't always pick up on him either.
Another caller said that he was a single guy for a long time and his friends were getting married and engaged and they started to withdraw from him. He assumed that the chicks in the relationship were making them pull away. He said he eventually figured out that maybe it was him and not the couples. He asked Ralph if he's ever had a steady relationship with a woman so he could know what that's like. Ralph said that's more a question for Beth than for him. He said he thinks that he and Beth are close but he can't speak for them. He said he gets to hang with married couples and it's no big deal. He said he really doesn't feel that way.
Another caller said that Howard keeps Ralph around because he's uglier than he is. The guy said that Ralph is over 40 and never been married so he's a perv. Ralph didn't have a response for the guy.
Jon said he'd like to know what set off that conversation this morning. He said that Howard just started in with it for no reason. Jon said that Robin was talking about the time she spent with him. Ralph said that Robin blows him off too though.
Jon asked Ralph if he's going to hang with Natalie Maines now. He said that she's actually moved back to L.A. for a while.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about that. JD said he doesn't know and maybe they won't want to discuss it anymore on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the karma discussion. The guy said that karma is not a self fulfilling prophecy and that's what Robin was talking about when she was defining karma. He said she was wrong about that.
Jon asked JD another question but he mumbled something and trailed off as he was answering. Jon tried to get him to answer. They had to end the show a short time later after a caller said he'd love to hear a JD and Ronnie show.
Howard started off the show saying that everyone is hitting Artie up for a free copy of his book. He told Gary to go buy one so he could help the guy out. He's busy giving them out to everyone. Artie said that there are 11,000 pre-sold already on amazon.com. He said he meant to give one to Gary though.
Howard said he's been thinking about this ''share the wealth'' thing that Obama is talking about and now he's thinking that maybe he should pull the lever for McCain.
Howard and Fred were going back and forth on the mess the country is in right now and Fred seemed to be steering Howard back toward Obama. Robin said that it seems to be some kind of scare tactic that they're putting out there and it's working on Howard.
Robin was saying that people are watching ridiculous things in this election like if someone is wearing a flag pin or something like that. Howard said that's not what they're talking about right now. Robin said that it is out there though.
Howard said that Obama isn't thinking of pulling out of Iraq any time soon but Robin said that McCain isn't going to either.
Howard talked about how people hate Palin according to the polls he's seen lately. He said that it appears that people hate her guts. They talked about Nixon as well and how he was kind of looked at like that before he got elected. Robin said that there are women out there dressing up like Palin all over the place.
Howard said that Robin can never admit that she's wrong. She said she can and thought about something that she was wrong about. She said that she was wrong for drinking. Howard said he meant something that she was really wrong about. Robin said she was wrong for voting for George W. Bush the first time around. She said she really disliked Tipper Gore and couldn't vote for Gore back then.
Howard asked Robin if she was wrong to have dated Jim Florentine. She said ''no comment'' to that.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where they talked about what she said on the show about karma. Gary said that she was wrong about the karma thing. She really didn't take that much of a beating though. Robin said that people are going to come to her side in a couple of years when they realize that she was right.
Howard said he can't argue with Robin when she thinks she's right. She gets very loud when she argues and he can't handle that. Robin said she's like a super hero and she's ready to go on Heroes.
Howard said on the Wrap Up Show they had some Ralph controversy as well. He played a clip from the show where a caller was talking about why Ralph is upset that he can't hang with Howard.
Howard said he wanted to clear something up about Ralph. He said he's never really hung out with him all that much. He said that listeners have an impression that they're the kind of buds that hang out all the time but that's not the case. He said that he probably sees him on a personal level maybe once or twice a month, but not even that. Sometimes it's months that they don't hang out.
Howard said he and Ralph were hanging out a lot when he was single but that only lasted a couple of months. He said that didn't last all that long so he's really not hanging out with him that much. He said he likes Ralph and he likes hanging out with him but they don't do that very often.
Howard said he and Ralph don't spend that much time on the phone either. They'll talk during some shows once in a while but it's not every day. Howard said he and other guys like Ross Zapin hang out with him just as much as Ralph.
Howard said he considers Ralph to be one of the guys that he likes to hang out with and not even a best friend. He pretty much is a best friend but he doesn't even hang out with him that much. He said they are into similar things and they get along very well so they are good friends.
Howard played another clip from the wrap up show where Jon and Gary were talking about Howard and Beth and how they probably haven't changed at all. Howard interrupted and said that when they started going out to the Hamptons he started to have Ralph spend the night. He hadn't done that before. That's when he noticed how Ralph was always having issues when he'd be there. He'd be a big hassle staying over.
Howard said that's the only thing that changed. Howard said Ralph is reacting to the fact that he's saying that he's a shitty house guest. He said he's a bit pain in the ass when he stays over.
Howard played more of the clip and Gary was talking about Ralph being Howard's best friend but not in the way most guys are friends. Just what Howard was saying earlier.
There was a clip of Ralph talking about the way Howard was twisting things around during the show. Howard said he was saying exactly what he does at his house. He said that his staff says that it's very trying when Ralph is over. Howard said Ralph comes from humble beginnings but he acts like a prince when he's over at his house.
Robin said she thinks that Ralph started out with a pretty good lifestyle and things got worse as time went by.
Howard played more of the audio of Ralph talking about what Howard said about him. Ralph was describing what went on with the meals at Howard's house. Howard said he has lunch at noon and dinner at 8. He tells his guests that. He said that Ralph will load up on food before lunch or dinner and then he won't eat with the rest of them. Then he'll ask them to wrap up a sandwich for him. Howard said that they have to work to take care of guests. He said that Ralph is asking them to do even more work after that.
Howard said that if Ralph asks to wrap up a sandwich you have to go and find something to wrap it in and then find a place in the refrigerator to put it. He said it's all work to take care of the guy.
Howard said that Ralph will also walk around with drinks constantly. He said that Ralph will have coffee and leave the cup outside and then the newspaper he was reading will be blowing all over the yard. He said he'll leave cups all over the house too and it drives him nuts.
Howard said that he asks Ralph to pick up after himself but he treats the house like a hotel. He said that he'll decide to lay out on the hammock at 2 in the morning but they want to set the alarm to go to bed. Ralph thinks he's uptight but he's really just trying to make sure his guests are having a good time. Robin said Ralph always has to change the schedule if you make plans.
Howard said he decided to go out to a concert one time but Ralph wanted to change his flight before they left. and all he did was complain. Howard said he doesn't want to wait for Ralph to make his plans when they're supposed to be on their way to a concert. Artie said he remembers that conversation and how things went and Ralph was demanding all kinds of things and then he waited to piss until they got to the venue and then pissed in the bushes.
Howard said he tries to point this stuff out to Ralph but he thinks that no one cares about it. Howard said he wonders who Ralph is to do that kind of thing. Howard said he told Ralph not to come to his house anymore after all of this stuff.
Howard played more of the audio of Ralph talking about staying at his house. Howard said Ralph is just wrong and they do try to treat their guests nicely. Howard said that Ralph will come to your house and he'll tell you that you eat too much. Meanwhile Ralph has man tits and they're getting bigger. He said he will starve himself during the day and then gorge himself at dinner. Then he'll vomit in your house.
Ralph claims he doesn't have food issues but Howard thinks he does. Robin said that she's never had a problem with the way things were set up with Howard.
Ralph was saying on the Wrap Up Show that everyone changes. He didn't want to say how Howard had changed but he said that he has. Howard said he doesn't think that anything has changed. He said they still have a lot in common and the only thing that has changed is that he's said that Ralph is a bad house guest.
Artie said that Ralph is 0 for 2 staying over at his place. Howard said it's not just 2 times though. He told Artie about a few times that Ralph has done things at his place and that's why he won't have him over. He said it's just a whole big deal when he comes over.
Howard said Artie saw Ralph was a fiasco the time they were both over. Ralph came back after that and that's the time he puked in his house. It was at least three times that Ralph had gone over there and did something to turn him off.
Howard said the other night he took the guys out to dinner and Ralph was insulted by that too. He said that Ralph said that he was available to go out so he was bummed he wasn't invited. Robin said that Ralph told her that he was insulted by not being invited to that dinner. Howard said he just wasn't included, he had other guys he wanted to socialize with.
Howard said it was more about the guys who work there every day. Howard said Ralph asked him to go see Don Rickles too but he had already made plans to go to that show. Robin said Ralph was saying he wasn't going to come over to her place either because she failed to support him.
Fred asked Howard if Ralph has any other friends that he could stay with. Howard said that he's networked with people like John Stamos, Sam Simon and Natalie Maines. Fred wondered if he has regular friends. Howard said he does have some people he stays with at the shore and stuff. Howard said he just finds him a difficult house guest.
Howard said that Ralph is a loose, cool guy but he's just hard to have at his house. He said he's insulted by that but there's not much he can do about that. Howard said Beth would still have him out but he's the one saying he won't have him back.
Fred asked how many of his guests have vomited, urinated or defecated in his guest bed staying over. Howard said Ralph is the only one who has puked in his bed. Artie stayed over one time and made his bed. Howard said he told Artie not to do that but he did it anyway. Howard said Artie is as fucked up as can be but he was a great house guest.
Howard said that Beth even said that Artie was a great guest. Fred said he finds Artie to be a true gentleman. Howard said he is a gentleman even though he's a gambling junkie. Howard said he's not a pain in the ass like Ralph is. Howard said you have to be a little considerate when you stay at someone's house. Artie said that place was a really nice place to be at and he treated it like it was special.
Howard said that Ralph puked in bed and then took his sheets and threw them into the washing machine. He said they had to pick out carrots and other food pieces from the washing machine after that.
Robin thought Ralph shit in the bed too but Howard said he wasn't sure about that because the sheets were rushed to the machine.
Howard said he was just pointing that out because it was on the Wrap Up Show. He said that nothing has really changed, he just thinks that Ralph shouldn't come to his house. Howard said Ralph just keeps shooting himself in the foot because he has things he wants to invite him to.
Fred said his 5 year old daughter knows enough to put her toys back in her room after she plays with them. Ralph should know to do that kind of thing too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's being a little over critical about Ralph. Howard said that he's really not and he should have him over to his own house to see.
The caller asked if anyone has ever asked Gary a question that he didn't have an opinion on. Howard said that Gary always has answers. That led to them talking about how JD was on the show with Jon alone yesterday and it was a bunch of words coming from JD that didn't say anything.
Howard said that JD never really has an answer for questions. He'll just say ''whatever'' or ''I don't know.'' Fred threw in some JD clips where he was saying those things.
Robin said that JD actually apologizes for not having anything to say. Howard said that Gary will come in and tell him stuff during the breaks and he figured they needed a forum for him to tell those stories. That's why they do the Wrap Up Show.
The caller said that Gary has an answer for every single question. He's never stumped. The caller said Gary has more answers than Fred does. The caller asked if he could come in and see Eric the Midget when he comes in. He said he'll be his servant but he just wants to look at him the whole time he's there. Howard said maybe they should have a viewing audience for him. Howard told the guy he had to think about that.
The caller said that he'd sit in the corner and watch. Howard told Gary to put him on a list so they can set it up if he decides to do it.
Howard read some mail about Sandi Taylor's interview and how good that was. There was some reaction to Scott DePace and John the Stutterer's debate. Some people think that Scott is a douche bag about the stuff that he was talking about.
Scott came in and explained himself and why he was saying the stuff about stem cells that he was saying the other day. Scott said that it's fully legal to use stem cells. Howard said it's legal to use certain strains and the government isn't supporting it.
Howard said that it's very archaic thinking to say that we can't use embryos for stem cells. He said there are a lot of backward thinking people in this country and that's who the president is bowing to.
Scott was laughing at what Howard was saying. He said that they can kill all the embryos they want, they shouldn't be spending money on that. He thinks that it should be a private sector thing. Scott said he's for space exploration though. Howard asked why that shouldn't be privatized. Scott said that he thinks that they should spend it on that because no one is going to do that privately. They don't have one goal to do anything specific.
Howard said that it could be privatized if someone found a way to travel to other planets. Howard said that Scott's logic about stem cell research going private but space exploration not being private, doesn't make any sense.
Howard asked Scott why the government put satellites in space. Scott said that they put them up for spying and GPS reasons. Howard said that they could do the stem cell research to make better soldiers and things like that. Scott refused to accept any of those arguments.
Robin asked Scott if he realizes where most medical research comes from. She said that it comes from federally funded research that creates cures and drugs. Scott said that neither of them know what they're talking about. Fred said he agreed with Robin. He said that she's right and Scott is wrong and all he's ever done is create the Video Caddy. Scott got in a plug for his web site thanks to that mention.
Howard said he read a review of the Halloween special they have on Howard TV this month. They gave it a good review too. Howard said the reviewer said that the Victoria Zdrok thing was the best of the bits they did for that special.
Richard came in and said that he had to give a shout out to Mike Shiff for helping out with that special. They had to do it on their own time and with no budget and Mike helped out a lot.
Richard said that he didn't know that Howard hosted Headbangers Ball back in the 80s. Howard said Leslie West asked him to do that back then. Robin asked if there's something going on with Leslie. Gary said that he just talked to Leslie recently and things are fine.
Robin said she had someone come up to her at the Friar's club roast and tell her that they should have Leslie on the show more. Howard said Leslie is a great guy.
Gary said they have an ad for a giant fake vagina on there this morning. Artie said that guys who buy his book might just need that thing.
Howard said they claim that they're going to have an Artie Cam on the site soon too. Artie said that's false advertising because he's not going to do that. He's doing a blog on there too. Howard said that the blog thing doesn't work. Artie said he wrote a blog last week and they haven't put it up yet. He wondered how long it takes to put that shit up there.
JD came in and said that the ''Artie cam'' might be the stuff he shoots back stage. Artie said that most of that stuff is pretty boring. JD said he did edit some stuff that was kind of entertaining. He said he ran it past Artie's sister and she liked it. Artie said his sister is running his web site now.
Artie said that JD and Teddy should have their own blogs on there too. He said he'll take any content for that site. JD said that no one wants to read a blog by him.
Howard said that he saw the cock ring ad on the site and all of that other stuff. Artie said he hasn't seen a cent for those ads yet. Artie said that maybe they're using that money to pay for the web site.
The guys weren't even clear on what a cock ring is for. Howard said that it's for extra large men who need to stop their cock from going in to far. He said he's yet to meet a man who needs something like that. Howard said that he doesn't think a cock ring turns a woman on. Robin thought it was some kind of thing to enhance sex. Howard said the one they advertise on Artie's site has a little hand on it that rubs on the chick. He said that he's not sure he'd want to be with a woman who needs him to use a cock ring.
Howard said he keeps his rubbers locked up so no one can mess with them. Robin sounded shocked by that. Artie said that he had a chick over recently and she asked him if he had a condom on him. He said that he reached over to a drawer next to his bed and she said ''That's handy'' since they were ready to go.
Howard said that he likes Durex condoms himself. Artie said he likes Trojans. Gary said that Benjy told him about this condom that he likes and it says on the back that it's not very effective. Benjy said that they make them out of polyurethane. He said he likes this brand Avante and it doesn't guarantee against pregnancy or diseases.
Gary said that Benjy told him that they have to said that on the condoms so they don't get sued. Howard said that Benjy is nuts. He asked Gary why he doesn't get a vasectomy. Gary said he's afraid. He said he feels like he'd be less manly. Howard said he's afraid that his dick would stop working if he got it done.
Howard said that he has been thinking about the vasectomy lately. Artie said there is something weird about not having that shit down there. He said that he'd be freaked out by that.
The guys spent a few minutes on that but Gary said that they had to get on schedule because they had guests to get to and the Craptacular was going to be starting when he was ready.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan and Paul Mooney were going to be on today. They also had to start the Craptacular. He said he asked them not to over eat for the Craptacular because he wants to see what they shit out on a regular day. They're treating it like a competition and not like he wants them to. He said he'd talk to them as soon as they get back from break.
Robin said that she got a note asking if she wanted trick or treaters at her apartment. Howard said he doesn't but Beth does so they're going to have them there. Howard finished up his commercial after that.
Howard came back and said that he's kind of depressed about his rest stop in New Jersey being shut down. He read the article he got and said that they shut it down because they didn't have the money to maintain it. Howard said he heard that they shut it down because it was a place where people met for gay sex. He said they never put any state funds toward it from what he heard.
Howard said he thought they closed it long ago but now it's official. Artie said he thought that it was closed a long time ago too.
Robin came in late and wondered what they were talking about. She didn't know about the rest stop being closed. Howard said that he remembers hearing about the gay sex thing shortly after the place was named after him.
Howard said he heard that Robin was arguing with people in the hall about the karma thing. He told her to save that for the show and not do her own show in the hallway. He told her to stop arguing with people unless she's on the air. He told her that she talks too much. Robin said she was arguing with the guy who cleans the kitchen there.
Robin said that Howard asked Lawrence Taylor about adopting a 2 year old kid yesterday and that was a surprising thing to hear. Howard said LT is a grandfather and he was surprised to hear that he adopted another kid. Robin said that all she has to say is that it was like Howard was asking to find out what it's like to have a kid when you're an older man. Howard said he really has no desire to have a kid again, he was just asking a question.
High Pitch Eric was saying that they're not taking steroids or anything and he called Robin a monkey. Robin told Eric that he's more monkey looking than she is.
Howard wondered who weighed more, Joey or Eric. Eric said he was less at 330 pounds but Joey was only 215. Eric still thought he was less than Joey even though the weights they just said proved he wasn't.
Howard asked the two guys to make out but Joey said that Eric isn't his type. Howard asked what the guys ate. Shuli said that they went up about 12 times and Eric was swallowing food whole.
Shuli was covering his face with something so Howard asked what he was holding over his face. Shuli said he had a painter's mask on because the place smells like shit. He said they were at Joey's apartment. Shuli said that it smells like cigarette smoke and there's not a lot of ventilation.
Howard said Shuli sounds weakened from this already. Shuli said there's still stuff in boxes and Joey has been living there for 3 years now. Joey said he's got a lot of stuff he likes and doesn't want to get rid of.
Joey showed some of the medals he got when he was in the military. Howard checked those out and Artie said that it looked like Joey robbed a medal store. Howard said that Joey was a handsome looking guy back then. That was 10 years ago.
Howard said that Joey was a decorated vet and he's now doing the Craptacular. Joey told the guys about his time in the service and how he was suffering from PTSD and had to get out. He said that they wanted him to stay in but he couldn't perform his duty like that.
Joey said that he's ready to crap today and he's going to win it for Howard. He said that he appreciates Howard and Robin's support in this thing.
Eric said he ate some ribs, 30 pieces of sushi, coconut shrimp and more. Howard said it's amazing that hey can have all of that stuff at a $16 buffet. Joey said that the place they went to had a lot of black people and that's where he got the monkey reference. Eric said he wasn't saying any of that stuff but Joey said he was lying.
Artie said he could smell the shit in that place through the screen. Howard asked the guys what else they ate. Joey told Howard about some of the food he ate and how he ate veggies for fiber. Eric ate 20 oysters on the half shell. Howard was surprised he didn't shit yet.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan was there so he had to let them go. Eric said he loved Howard as he said goodbye. He wasn't sure how to respond to that.
Howard asked Tracy what he's doing to get into shape. Tracy said that he hasn't lost shit but he's putting things in certain places. Howard asked Tracy about not being married and how things are changing for him. Tracy said that he's not married but he might be fucking with some married women so marriage is in there somewhere.
Howard told Tracy about Lawrence Taylor coming in yesterday and talking about how he likes going to strip clubs even though he's supposed to be sober. Tracy said that's the way you can have fun without getting fucked up.
Howard asked Tracy about Tina Fey doing her thing on Saturday Night Live doing her impression of Sarah Palin. Tracy said that it's getting big. They also talked about 30 Rock getting big now too.
Tracy talked about some of the chicks he's been able to make out with on SNL. He said he got to make out with J-Lo, Britney Spears and a bunch of other famous chicks doing this one character he did on there.
Howard asked Tracy to talk about some of the women he's slept with. Tracy said that he'd be surprised if he told him that stuff. Howard asked Tracy if he slept with J-Lo. He said that he only kissed her. He said that her breath smelled like Carnation milk. He said he did masturbate thinking about her fine ass though.
Howard asked if he fucked Kate Hudson. Tracy said he just kissed her. He also kissed Britney Spears and didn't fuck her. He mentioned Lucy Liu too but he didn't fuck her either. Tracy said that they were all hot.
Howard asked Tracy who he went on dates with. Tracy said that he was going to tell a story and then give him a name. Tracy said this person was in town and he brought her up to SNL during hiatus. He said he wanted to break in his new dressing room and he banged her doggy style standing up. He said he jizzed across her butt hole and everything. He had three fingers in her ass too. then he said that it was Lee Remick who is actually dead. Tracy said that was a fantasy of his.
Howard asked Tracy who he dated. He said there's no shame in saying you dated someone. Tracy said that he's dated half of Hollywood. He wasn't giving any names. He said that next year he'll give names. Tracy said he did date Lil Kim but he wasn't giving a lot of details on that.
Howard asked Tracy about 30 Rock and how big that's getting now. Tracy said that they need Howard Stern on that show. They have Oprah making an appearance on there. Tracy said that he would kiss Oprah if he had to. He said she was fine looking and he would bang her if he had the chance. He said he'd put his dick in a jelly donut if he could. Tracy said that Robin is his type and he wouldn't even pull out with her. He said he'd do her standing up too.
Howard asked Tracy about Jennifer Aniston being on the show too. Tracy said he thinks that she's hot. Howard said he doesn't find her sexy at all but Tracy said that he does. He said that she's the kind of chick who would fuck your brains out.
Howard asked Tracy about his success and if he's afraid that something bad is going to happen to him. Tracy said that's not the way it is at all. He said he feels that the reason his friends aren't making money his because of George Bush fucking up the economy.
Tracy said that he's useless hanging out on the corner drinking beer. He said it's been over a year since he had a beer. Howard said he must be drinking. Tracy said that he's ready to take a lie detector test on it. He said he's not fucking around with drugs either. He said he never did that stuff but he did smoke some herb when he was younger.
Tracy said he was drinking about 8 bottles of champagne a night when he was drinking. He said he wanted to eat, drink and be merry. Tracy said he was eating out strange women and eating strange butt holes. He said he was poking strange women and all of that stuff.
Howard said that Tracy realized he was putting himself at risk when he was doing these chicks. Tracy said that he used to give chicks the ear wax test. He said that you stick your finger in your ear and then stick it in her pussy. If she jumps, she has chlamydia. He said he's not sure why that is but it works. He said he learned that in public school in the ghetto.
Tracy said that he can get depressed about his success sometimes and that's just life. Irish John called in and said that Tracy had to have fucked Britney Spears because she was on SNL around the time she went crazy. Tracy said that he didn't bang Britney but that was a good point.
Howard asked Tracy if he liked ghetto porn. Tracy said he likes Latino women. Howard played a clip from a ghetto porn for him. It was a woman gagging on a guy and saying the N-word. Tracy said that a lot of women need to hear that clip to know how to act. Tracy said that women lose the fear of cock early on. He said that men are always afraid of pussy though.
Howard asked Tracy about who he's going to vote for. Tracy said that this is going to be the first time that white people are going to vote for black guy. Robin said that's not true. Tracy insisted it was.
Howard said that Martin Luther king would be impressed with how far society has come if he were alive today. Tracy said he wouldn't be surprised.
Tracy said he love c-section scars and cellulite. Howard said that he doesn't believe that the chicks he's banging have that stuff on them. Tracy said that they do.
Howard took some phone calls for Tracy and gave him some plugs for 30 Rock and some comedy gigs Tracy has coming up.
A phone caller brought up a place that Tracy used to hang out at called Sue's. Tracy said the chicks there were Dominican and that place would get a stinkin when he was in there.
A caller asked Tracy about getting kicked out of Prince's house. Tracy said that he grabbed him by the back of his neck and told him that his father loved ''When Doves Fly'' and got kicked out. That led to Howard telling the story about going to see Prince perform at a house and how he refused to turn the lights on. Howard said he had to walk out of that performance.
Tracy said that Prince was rockin' it the night he saw him. It was just him performing for about 4 people. Tracy said that they asked him to leave and that's when he got gay and grabbed him by the back of the neck. He said they went out and smoked a blunt out in his driveway as the sun came up. Tracy said that it was good everything there that day.
Tracy said that he went to the Playboy mansion one time and he jizzed on the wall of the grotto. He said he was smiling at the camera there when he did it too. He said he's not even sure who the woman was though.
Howard asked Tracy who he saw at Prince's house. Tracy mentioned a couple of names and said he's really not into that stuff because he's blue collar. Howard said it's terrific that Tracy is there and he's having success.
Howard asked Tracy how he has a good time going out and not drinking. Tracy said he just gets seltzer water and no one knows what he's drinking. He said he just has a good time.
Artie said that Tracy was at a gig recently and he had a really hot chick with him. Tracy said that was his girlfriend. Artie said she was a 10. Tracy said he met her and told her he wanted to get her pregnant. He said that she didn't know who he was at the time. He said he put his game on and then brought her to a show.
Howard asked him if he got her that night. Tracy said he didn't get her then because he had another chick back at his hotel room. Howard asked why he cums in these chick's faces. He said he doesn't do it to humiliate them. Tracy said that he only does it if they ask him to do it and he'll aim for their eye.
Howard asked Tracy if he thinks that he's actually trying to cum in his mother's eye psychologically. Tracy said he's not doing that.
Gary came in and said that High Pitch Eric was ready to shit. Howard went to him and Eric said that he just went. He was still on the toilet though so they were going to pick it up and weigh it. Tracy said this shit was great and thought shitting in front of 10 million people was great. Tracy told him that he should open up for him where he just shits on stage for 20 minutes.
Howard asked Eric if it was a big dump or did he force it. He said he had to force it a little bit. Shuli said that the smell was really bad in there. He said there are skid marks all over Eric's underwear.
Howard asked them to weigh it so they could get back to Tracy. They picked up the bag with the shit in it and freaked everyone in the studio out. Artie said that Eric looked like a monster.
Tracy said this was the grossest shit he had ever seen. He said he doesn't know how those guys were in the room. Shuli tried to check the weight but it wasn't registering anything. Then it came up at 3 ounces. Tracy said that was a baby shit.
Artie asked him if he's going to wipe his ass. Eric said he was. Tracy asked him if he can even find his ass. He was so fat that his penis wasn't visible. Howard asked to see the skid marks. Shuli called him over and showed the skid marks. Eric asked Tracy when he's going to be doing shows in New York. Tracy said he wasn't going to tell him because he was so grossed out. Tracy said he's going to the gym after this show.
Howard asked Joey what's going on with him. Joey said that he's ready to go and he should be going within a half hour or so. Howard let the guys go after that. Tracy said that Howard is the man because he can get people to shit for him. Artie said this is a big that Leno won't be stealing. Howard said he probably will steal it.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said he was just about ready to get off listening to Tracy. He wanted him to talk dirty to him. Tracy told him to cum so Ramone did it. Howard said that Tracy is lucky that he has men and women that love him.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan is on a roll. Artie said that he really is because he can come into a club on a Sunday night and do a show with a super model with him. Howard said he heard that Tracy broke up with his girl. Tracy said they do break up once in a while but he's back with her now.
Howard wanted to see a picture of this chick but Tracy didn't have his wallet with him. Tracy told him to look up pictures of her on the web. Her name is Tenisha and she's 23 years old. Benjy found a picture of her but it was too small for him to see. Tracy told him to go to Hip Hop Honors and they could find pictures.
Tracy said that she has a great personality. They found another picture of her and Howard checked that out but he still wasn't able to see it. Tracy's son was in one picture they found. Howard said that poor kid must be going nuts. His son is 17 years old. Tracy said that he's probably eating the crusty discharge from her panties.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs for 30 Rock and his comedy gigs. Tracy said he has that show ''Scare Tactics'' on the Sci-Fi channel too.
Tracy asked Robin who her man is right now because he wanted to check him out. Robin said she's man less right now but Howard told him that she's banging a 25 year old white boy. Robin said she's not banging anyone. Artie told him that she was banging Jim Florentine for a year too. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Shuli if Jim was okay. Shuli said Jim was dry heaving out on the deck. He said that there were skid marks on his underwear and it was just disgusting. He said that they're trapped in the apartment because it's so small.
High Pitch Eric said that he might have to go again because he's on his second cup of coffee. Howard said that Joey may not come through in this but Joey told them not to judge him yet. This thing lasts for 24 hours.
Eric said that his first dump on the first Craptacular was 3 ounces as well. Artie told him he sucks at everything, even shitting.
Eric said he's not going to do that. Eric said he's not a freak show and he doesn't want people looking at him like that. Howard told him that he goes out to do signings and people stare at him there. The people look at him there. Fred said that they're not looking at him because he looks like Brad Pitt. Howard said that Eric is out of line on this and they're going to let people view him. Howard told him that he will show up and people will view him.
Howard told Eric he has to put up with people staring at him if he wants to be in show business. Eric said that's not his purpose on Monday. Fred asked why he's on that cam (JFSC.tv) if he doesn't want to be viewed. Howard told him to turn the camera off if he doesn't want to be viewed.
Eric said that he's going to be in the studio for them to look at, not some asshole from the street. Howard told Eric that he'll be there and he's not even sure if he's going to have anyone in there. He said that Eric being so pissed might change his mind on that.
Artie said they're going to have that guy in there to watch them fuck the Eric Real Doll too. Howard said they could just have a head made up and fuck that. Howard thanked Eric for the call and there was silence. Eric said ''Whatever'' and got off the phone.
Howard found this hard to believe so he had Gary call Dominic to find out what was going on. The caller said that it seems that Dominic was throwing his wife out of his house and her ex was there with her. The guy said that Dominic was saying that he would do whatever he had to do to help her out though.
Howard said he has to find out from Dominic if there's any truth to this. The caller said that the chick looked all cracked out.
Gary said that Dominic told him he won't come on the air to talk about this and he doesn't want to bad mouth Leslie. There's obviously something going on there then. Howard thanked the caller for the information.
Howard said that Leslie isn't all cracked out like the caller was saying. He thinks that it's a big misunderstanding. Howard said that might be marriage number 20 down the drain for Dominic. Gary said that this is like his 4th or 5th marriage.
Artie said that he could speculate that maybe she got busted for something and that's why Dominic was there saying that he would help her out. Howard said they don't know the details so they can't comment on it. Howard said that if there's trouble, it can't be easy being married to Dominic. Gary said that Leslie is a great woman and he kept him entertained at the wedding. Fred threw in Dominic's ''Mayday'' clip as they were bringing in Paul Mooney.
Howard said that Paul has been married a couple of times. Paul said he was married 3 times and the first time he was only 15 years old. He married a Creole woman that time. He said that means that she was a mix of races. Howard asked Paul if his whole life is about race. Paul said that it really is. He said that even when he sleeps he has white people chasing him.
Howard asked Paul if he thinks that things will change if Obama gets elected. Paul said that he was all for Hillary Clinton at the time. Howard said he was for her as well but Paul thought he was for someone else. Gary said he was talking about Giulianni. Howard said that was a long time ago though. Howard said he was going to have a hard time picking between the two if they were the nominees.
Howard said that Paul was on the last time and saying some stuff that he's changed his tune on now. Paul said that Howard has changed too because he said he wouldn't get married back then. Howard said that everyone does change.
Howard said that this Obama thing is going to be big if he gets elected. Paul said it's not that big of a deal but he was just joking and said that of course it's a big deal. Howard said that maybe things will change for the races and black kids will grow up thinking they can become President. Paul said they already think that. He said that rappers get just about anything they want these days. He said that kids see that and things have gotten better for black people.
Paul mentioned that there have been rappers on Dancing with the Stars and they even called him to do that show. He doesn't want to do it though.
Howard asked Paul about when he last got laid. Paul said it's been about 2 years now. He said he's saving it for the Lord. Howard asked him if he's still not using the N-word. Paul said that he has stopped that and hasn't used it since he slipped that one time.
Paul said he was lying about not having sex in 2 years. He said that he's got a girlfriend and they're having sex.
Howard asked Paul if he thinks that the white man is going to be able to go into the voting booth and pull the lever for Obama. Paul said that he thinks people are tired of what's going on and they're ready for change.
Howard asked Paul about his comedy career. Paul said that it's going great and people come in on horses. He talked to him about Lenny Bruce and how he saw him dragged off stage. Paul said that he loved strippers. Paul said he loves them too.
Howard asked Paul if he goes to strip clubs. Paul said that he does but he doesn't go in the back room to have sex or anything like that. He said he actually married a stripper from Vegas. That was his third marriage. He said that she's back at his house now.
Paul joked that his mother was a stripper too but he quickly corrected that and said that wasn't true. Paul said that this stripper was the best at sex. She was under 18 at the time so he had to wait for her to turn 18. Paul said that they're obsessed with their bodies so they always look good too.
Paul said that a lot of rich guys marry call girls. He said that they know the fantasy that the men are looking for so that's why they're great wives.
Howard asked Paul what happened to his stripper wife. He said she became very religious. Howard asked if he reminded her that she was a stripper. Paul said that everyone changes and there's nothing wrong with being a stripper. Paul said that she wasn't the wild girl she used to be when she became religious.
Paul said that he wanted to talk about OJ. He said that he has to be the dumbest guy ever. He's going to jail for stealing his own stuff. Paul said that they had everything on tape and he doesn't know how someone can be that dumb and kill his wife and get away with it. Paul said that if he were that clever he wouldn't ask someone to steal his stuff back. He said that he should have just murdered them alone.
Howard said he would just lay low if it were him. Paul said that Robert Blake is the white OJ and he's laying low. He hasn't been seen anywhere since his case.
Howard said he heard that a DJ is claiming that Magic Johnson lied about ever having AIDS. Paul said that he was the poster child for that disease and girls were running away from him when they heard that. He said he got a hug from Magic back then and he went into the bathroom and started scrubbing up like he was preparing for surgery. He didn't know better back then. Then Eazy-E announced he had AIDS and he was dead almost the next night.
Paul said that Magic owns everything now and he doesn't appear to have AIDS. He said that maybe he had Financial Aids and not the ghetto AIDS That Eazy-E got.
Howard asked Paul about the super hero movies that have come out lately and what he thinks of those. Paul said he's sick of these movies. He went into a rant about the stories they tell in these movies and how much he dislikes them.
Howard said that the Green Lantern is black. Paul said that he'll be white by the time he gets to the big screen.
Howard said that Paul is going to be on Late Show with David Letterman tonight. Howard gave him some plugs for that. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard asked if he's annoyed with the pre-interview they do for that show. Paul said he doesn't like it but he knows they're just looking for material to talk to him about.
Howard asked Paul if he's going to wear his hat on Letterman. Paul said he won't because it might scare them over there. Paul talked about working on Saturday Night Live as a writer. He said those Canadians wouldn't want a guy like him on the screen though.
Howard said that it's amazing they got that show on the air with the amount of drugs those guys were doing back then. Paul said that he and Sandra Bernhard were together the night that Belushi died. He said that they saw him come in loaded and then Richard Pryor came in. He said that Belushi wanted Pryor to visit him but Paul gave him some advice not to go up there because he would fall off the wagon if he did go there. He said that Richard went home that night instead of going to Belushi's place. If he had gone he might have been there when Belushi died.
Howard gave Paul some plugs for the Letterman show and a show he's doing with Dick Gregory. Paul said he still thinks that Barbara Walters banged Richard Pryor. Howard said that she didn't admit to it in her book but she did sleep with a black man. Howard asked Paul if she ever slept with him. Paul said that Howard is funny.
Howard got an update from Gary that High Pitch was ready to go again. Howard put him on but Eric wasn't quite ready. Howard told him to let them know when he's ready to go for real.
Howard started to wrap up with Paul again. Paul ended up talking to Robin about why she's never been married. He figured that she'd be married by this time next year. Howard said he's never heard Robin say that she's interested in marriage. Robin said she actually is and she's not going to lie like Howard did all those years. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he had a sad story to tell. Gary interrupted him and said that both Eric and Joey Boots were ready to go to the bathroom. Howard went right to them and said that they were both sitting on chair toilets. They had almost identical physiques according to Howard.
Joey was shitting as they went to him. Howard said he was going to puke and he just ate. Eric just shit too so both of them were making their piles. Both of them had pretty small cocks so Artie asked which one his the smallest. Joey said it's probably him.
Howard said that Joey was shaking like he cold. Eric said that it was cold in the apartment. Joey said that his small penis was all over the internet the time they uncensored the show he did with Eric where he had icy hot put on him.
Joey was done shitting so they weighed him in. He said he ate corn yesterday for the funny factor. Joey said he could see the corn in there. Joey had 4 ounces but Howard wanted Shuli to read it. Shuli gagged as he went over to read it. It was actually 5 ounces.
Jim McClure had to run outside to throw up. Shuli told him to come back. Joey had tied up his bag of shit in the meantime. Jim said that it was the worst, foulest smell ever. He as dry heaving as he was saying that.
Artie told Eric to shit because he had money riding on him. Jim said that it was the worst ever and he wasn't sure how much longer he could handle it.
Howard had Eric weigh in his second shit. Artie was yelling at him and Eric was telling him that he was trying to win for him. Eric came in with another 3 ounce shit. Joey was doing pretty good with just the one shit at 5 ounces.
Eric told Artie that he's going to make him win. Artie thanked him for that and Eric said they're going to lunch tomorrow when he does win. Howard wished Shuli good luck over there. Artie wasn't sure if he was for or against what they were doing. Howard said he was confused too.
Howard said that the boys are going to keep doing this through tomorrow morning. Howard 100 News will have updates all day long. They'll wrap it up first thing tomorrow morning. Fred asked what happens if there's a tie. Howard said they'll just end it as a tie. Howard said the tie breaker could be how many times Jim McClure vomits.
Howard said they're looking for information from anyone who can help. Her husband is asking for her safe return of course.
Gary said that there was some talk that she may have been looking to get a divorce. Howard said that doesn't mean something bad happened because of that.
Howard read some stuff about what she's been up to and there was nothing about a marital problem in the story. He said that it's just a missing person at this point. Gary said that anyone who has information can call the Nassau County Police.
Howard said he didn't remember Leah but he did found a note about her work for them and she was written up as one of the most efficient and pleasant to deal with there back in 1999. Howard said she sounds like she was a great intern. Gary said that Leah sent a wonderful letter about how much the internship meant to her.
Howard read some more about what the cops have been doing and how the husband has been questioned in the disappearance. Howard said that she teaches special needs kids and it takes a very special person to do that work.
Howard remembered the time he was trying to work with special needs kids and he had to walk out. Artie said that he was working a job one time where this kid came in and his family was letting him order and take the food and stuff. Artie said he gave the kid his salad and asked him what kind of dressing he wanted. The kid yelled out ''STEAK!''
Howard said he got a memo about Riley's show being canceled so he read through that. Riley said that it was due to a lack of resources. Howard said that they should have cut Riley's pay by $200 and he probably would have stayed. Howard said that they give Riley $400 and his partner Eron $200. Howard said he knew Riley would stay.
Steve said that they have audio of Steve Brandano singing Karaoke with High Pitch Mike. Steve said that they broke the story about the Howard Stern rest stop being closed back in January so Page Six is kind of late with that.
Howard said that Joey Boots' apartment looks like something out of The Silence of the Lambs. Artie said that he could see Shuli in a pit in the apartment.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through his list of things they were going to try and cover today. That led to Robin talking about the fact that she's willing to try out marriage. Robin said that she thought she and Mr. X were going to be together forever but that didn't work out. Robin said she's willing to consider anything, even having a child. Howard was surprised by that revelation. He said that they have to get the word out there for her then.
Howard asked Robin if she's in love with this 25 year old. Robin said that she likes him very much. She said that they're just dating and there's not really a ''relationship'' there. Howard said if she's seeing someone, that's a relationship. Robin said it's not very serious at this point. Howard told her she's in a relationship whether or not she admits it.
Artie told Robin that according to the guy's blog, they're fucking like crazy. He was just kidding about the blog.
Howard said this was wild that Robin wants a husband and a baby. He said he's told Robin that she wants all of that stuff and she denied it. Robin said that she never took men very seriously before but now she can say she's boy crazy. It hit her very late. Howard said it took until all of her eggs were dried up. Artie asked what's next, Jon Hein jerking off? Jon finished his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. He quickly went over the stuff they were going to cover this week. Howard said last week's show was great because two of the interns got into a fight. He said he heard that one of the interns was making out with a chick. When he got up to leave another one of the interns got in on his action and told the girl that the guy she was just making out with was a creepy guy.
Howard played the clip from the show where the two interns were going off on each other about the ''stealing'' of the chick. One of the guys was going off on the other one about the way he brags about the stuff he does for the Wrap Up Show show. He was also saying that the other intern gets dressed up for guests like Savanna Samson. That guy said that no one can trust this intern Derek because of the stuff he pulls there.
Howard said that was a good intern show. Gary said that Derek's girlfriend broke up with him a few weeks ago so that's one of the things they brought up in that clip. Derek is 27. Gary said they also have a 33 year old intern who works a full time job and then comes there. Howard said that's a motivated guy.
Artie said that he and Dana had a deal to never break up but that didn't work out. Kind of like Robin and Mr. X's deal. Fred played some Journey as they were talking about that. Artie said he heard from Dana back on his birthday. Howard asked if she's with another guy yet. Artie said he doesn't think so and he didn't hear anyone in the room with her at the time.
Robin started off her news with more stuff about the assassination plans for Barack Obama. They were planning on killing 14 people by beheading them. The 14 meant something to the guys who were planning the beheadings. Robin said they're looking for more people who might have been involved. Howard said he didn't even know the skinheads still existed. He said that some of them are nice people.
Robin said that Britney Spears has finally been given permanent oversight of her affairs. She's 26 years old and her parents were in charge of all of that until now.
Artie said that he had to hire a business manager. He said he went from making about 14 grand a year to 8 grand a week when he started on MAD TV. He said he used to send 4 grand of that to his mother and the other 4 would go to blow and stuff like that. He said his mother never trusted him after that. He said that the stand-up money was getting to be so big he had to start an LLC thing and it was a little overwhelming to his mother. He said she doesn't trust anyone so she's not too happy about that.
Howard asked Artie if he told his therapist that he's been gambling. Artie said he told him that he's playing cards. He said that Richard Lewis left him a 40 minute message about how worried he is about him. He said that's nice that he cares but it went on too long. He said he doesn't have the time to listen to a 40 minute message.
Artie said he thinks he's going to have a one night a week drinking night. Howard asked him if he was serious. Artie said he wasn't but it sure sounded serious.
Robin read a story about Led Zeppelin getting together but not going out on tour with Robert Plant. They're looking for a replacement for Plant. Howard said he could do that. He demonstrated how he would sing their songs like he's done so many other times. Howard said they should get Pat Monahan from Train.
Howard and Artie were both singing some Zeppelin songs. Fred played the music and Howard would sing along but didn't know the lyrics. He said he'd learn them for the tour. Robin told Howard he couldn't do it if his life depended on it. She said he'd do one show and he'd quit.
Howard said he could bring out Will the Farter to do some stuff on tour. Howard figured that they could find someone who sounds like Robert Plant but Robin said that's not what they're looking for. The guys in the band don't want to be like a Zeppelin tribute band.
Robin read a couple of various news stories about the election and things like that. She had a story about people who think there's a culture war starting based on the fact that gays are allowed to get married. Howard had to take a break around 10:20am.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about how women should wear red if they really want to get a man according to a study. She had a story about David Duchovny coming out of sex addiction recovery. As she was bringing that up ARtie came in with a bunch of food. Howard siad he thought he wasn't able to eat. He was obviously wrong based on the amount of food he came in with.
Robin said there's a new study showing that if someone has a cold in your house, you should worry about door handles and TV remote control. The germs can be spread that way and not just hand shaking. She said the germs can live there for 2 days or longer. Howard said that you might as well put yourself into a bubble if you're going to worry that much.
Robin said that Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting. Howard said that guy is a nice guy but that's crazy talk. Robin said he's working on his music now. Howard said he'll be back, he's too good of an actor. Howard said that's what Jared Leto did too. Howard said that's working out well for him.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin's wardrobe and Michelle Obama's wardrobe. Michelle is able to wear cheaper stuff while Sarah is wearing the more expensive stuff.
Robin read a story about Carol Alt and her husband divorcing. Howard said that Carol is claiming that she signed over some business stuff and now she wants it back even though she signed it over to the guy. Howard said that's kind of crazy.
Robin said that Carol's ex-husband is saying some mean things about Carol. She said that he's saying that he has no desire to see her naked at 50. Howard said he saw the pictures and she looks good. Howard said she looks super to him even if Fred doesn't think she's a super model.
Robin had some audio of John McCain that she played. Howard said he sounds like the Penguin from Batman. He said someone on the web thought he sounded like the Penguin and made up a video of him dressed like the character. Robin also had some Barack Obama clips that she played.
Artie was eating again so Howard said you'd think he was in the Craptacular. Artie said that he figured out a way to make a boatload of money while falling asleep after eating a boatload of cupcakes.
Robin had some news about this Joe the Plumber guy chiming in on what he thinks about Barack Obama. He said that he's scared for the country if the guy gets elected.
Robin said the stock market rebounded a little bit yesterday. She had some audio of a guy talking about why they think it may have bottomed out and it will start going back up.
Robin had a story about Jennifer Hudson's nephew being killed. She had some audio of some people from the neighborhood talking about how bad it is in that neighborhood.
Robin had a story about Wilmer Valderrama who is trying to get people out to vote. He also talked about how he got burned out from acting so he took a little break. He's coming back now though. Artie said that it's sad when a 24 year old is burned out. Howard and Artie were goofing on a show that Wilmer did for a little while where people did ''Yo Mama'' type jokes. Robin wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show... or started to end the show until he realized that they still had the Craptacular going on. He checked in with Joey and Eric but no one had to shit again yet. Joey said he was going to eat some pickled okra that's supposed to make you shit.
Shuli said that Eric was doing jumping jacks in there and the whole building was shaking. Howard had him do them again and Joey said that his neighbors are going to complain if they didn't stop. Shuli told Eric to show off his skid marks. Artie said he didn't want to see that. Howard said they're going to have this show as a special on Howard TV when they're all done with it.
Joey asked if there was a prize for this thing. Howard said there isn't and it's just for bragging rights. Joey said he's happy just doing it but Eric might not be. Robin said that Eric knows how to make the money if he really needs it. Eric hasn't agreed to the Wheel of Fish game yet. Joey said he was telling Eric he might be able to get out of going to jail if he does get the money and pays the guy back that he owes money to.
Gary said that they did have some money to give away. They had a $500 prize to give them courtesy of Man Groomer. Artie is going to take Eric out to dinner if he wins. He told Eric he's just going to give him 10 bucks to go to Wendy's and he's going to take the other $190 he wins from Howard.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and did a Klondike commercial with them on the phone. Shuli said that Eric didn't know what consistency meant and had Eric try to explain what he thought it meant. Eric thought it meant being yourself and doing the best you can efficiently. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
This Wrap Up Show coverage was written on Thursday, I wasn't able to type it up on Wednesday due to a power outage.) Jon Hein started the guys off talking about Tracy Morgan. Gary was saying that he loves Tracy. He said he's not a fan of people who come on the show wand just curse to be shocking. He said that the way Tracy talks and delivers his lines makes him laugh and he's not sure why.
Jon asked Gary how different he thinks Tracy and the character he plays on 30 Rock really are. Gary said he's not sure they're that different at all. Gary said he heard that Tracy doesn't like to hear that people think he's like that guy on the show. He said that there are some similarities on that.
Gary said that Tracy asked him if he was good on the show and he told him that he's even funny in the commercials. He thought he was really funny.
Gary said he talked to Tracy about all of the girls he was kissing on the previews for 30 Rock. Jon suggested that everyone check out the show which has it's season premiere tomorrow night.
Benjy said that he's seen Tracy do his stand-up and he's very funny, very much like he is on the air. He said it seems very spontaneous too.
Jon wondered why Tracy doesn't kiss and tell. Gary said he thinks that he's crazy but he's not insane. He said that if he did kiss and tell he might fuck up anything that he's got right now.
Benjy asked if the guys believe that Tracy would really want to fuck Oprah. Gary said that he might but just because of who she is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they can't book Tracy on the show enough. He said that he thought the guy was great and he's great every time. The caller was also telling the guys that Howard was wrong about the cock ring thing. Gary said he really doesn't know anyone who has used one before. Benjy said that most people think that it keeps the blood in your cock and won't let it out. Gary asked if it's supposed to make it last longer. Benjy said that it keeps your erection up and lets you last longer. He's never used one before though. Benjy said that he has used the vibrating ring thing but never a cock ring.
Jon said that if you're looking for a cock ring you can just check out Artie's web site. Benjy said the Flesh Light is a good thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they were running out of delay. Jon potted it down before the guy could say anything so Gary didn't know what the guy was talking about.
A caller asked if they think that Tracy was on something today. Gary said he was the same today as he is every day. He's not sure if he's doing a character or not.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Howard asked Tracy about his depression that he gets from his success. That's when Tracy got kind of serious for a moment.
Jon said that was a serious answer but only in the way Tracy can be serious. Jon asked Benjy if he's ever used that chlamydia test that Tracy was talking about. Benjy said he hasn't used it but he has heard about it. He said it's big in the black community from what he's heard. Benjy said that if anything is wrong with you they suggest you have an infant pee in your ear too. Gary said he has never heard that one before.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Robin would go out with Tracy. Gary said he's not sure Robin could keep up that pace.
Gary said that Robin never went out and said she needed to have a husband. Jon asked about the kid comment. Gary said that Robin is very generous to kids but he's never heard that she was interested in having one. She was talking about possibly adopting one some day.
Benjy said he sees the maternal side of Robin when she did the Big Sister thing. He said that maybe she's at a point that she's ready to be a parent now that she's overcome so many of her problems. Gary said that it has come up before and she's said it wasn't really for her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked the guys if they're annoyed about Robin being so wrong all the time and insisting that she's right. The guy had a list of things that she's been wrong about in the past week. Jon said that Howard brought that up this week and Robin was out in the hall debating karma again even though Howard had corrected her.
Gary said that Robin admitted she was wrong for having voted for George Bush but that was back in 2000. He said that she didn't talk about anything else she was wrong about.
Benjy said that he thought she was right about the definition of karma. Gary said that most people would define it the way Howard defined it. Benjy argued with him about that but Jon said that he didn't want to go down that road again since they did it yesterday.
Gary wondered how someone can shit 3 times in 4 hours. Shuli said he could see Eric straining and trying to crap. He said that he was going to get them a weight as soon as he was done. Joey said he's about 8 to 10 feet back from him but the smell was creeping back there.
Gary said that Joey's first shit was 5 ounces and Eric's two were 3 ounces each. He thought that was pretty amazing that Joey could save it like that.
Jon asked Shuli how nasty it was down there. Shuli said the smell doesn't even stay out of the military gas mask he has. He said that McClure ran out and threw up again after the second time they shit. Jim said they're only about 3 feet away from Eric and the smell just permeates everything.
Eric was done shitting so they weighed it in. Joey said that it wasn't that much so it was going to be light. Shuli said there were stains on it. Eric described it as looking like chocolate pudding. It came in at only one ounce. Eric was up to 7 ounces so far. Gary said they'd check in with them later on. Jon said he wishes that Steve Langford was there.
Gary said that they have a guy who comes in and gets vomited on and he thinks that's right up at the top of the list. The caller said she thought this was pretty awful too. She asked if these people have lives. Gary said they obviously don't.
The caller was also saying that she thinks that Tracy Morgan was great from what she heard so far. Gary told her to tune back in and check it out because she'd be blown away by how great the interview was.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he's glad that Gary gets some respect over there. The guy said he was at a skate park and had white people coming over and asking him to turn it off. He said that he's great. They didn't have much of a response to that so they just thanked him for the call.
A caller told Gary that he has this speech thing where he tells people to ''listen, listen'' every time he wants to talk to them and it's really condescending. Gary said ''Listen...'' and told the guy that he's not trying to be condescending but he's always done it as far as he knows. He said that Craig Gass even put it into his impression of him that he came up with a few years ago.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up Robin's adoption discussion. He said that she'd better adopt a 17 year old because she's going to get bored with the whole thing pretty quick. Gary said he doesn't think that she's going to get into it without some serious thought.
Another caller said that Robin just needs to wait about 2 years until Beth has her baby and then she could adopt that one. Jon said Robin seemed sincere about adopting a kid some day. The caller didn't have a response to that.
Gary said he was taking crap for having answers for everything this morning but they are doing a talk show and you are supposed to have an answer other than ''I don't know.''
Jon said he's not sure why he's not calling in today. He said he must be hurt over the whole conversation. Jon said that some damage has been done there.
Benjy said he can understand Ralph's point of view and he can't blame Howard for getting upset with Ralph for breaking those rule he has. He said that he's not sure why Ralph would want to be part of that. Gary said it must be worth it for some reason if Ralph keeps going back to his place.
Benjy was saying that Ralph was talking about how he wasn't aware of some of the stuff that Howard was complaining about.
Gary said that when you go to someone else's house you have to be somewhat accommodating. He said that Ralph shouldn't come if he doesn't want to play by the rules.
Gary said he hates it when people leave plates, glasses and utensils all over the house. He said that they just leave it all over the place when he'll just bring that stuff to a sink. He said he thinks that Ralph knows that Howard won't pick it up and there's someone else there who will.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they think that Robin is setting everyone up because that guy she's dating already has kids. Gary said he didn't think that he had any kids because he didn't bring it up when he was on the show. Gary said that he can't imagine that Robin has thought about kids with that guy at this point. They haven't been together that long.
Benjy said he doesn't think that Robin is going to adopt a kid soon. She was just saying she was open to it. Gary said that he thinks that she said that she wouldn't make a great mother but she really is great with kids from what he's seen with her doing the Big Sister program and dealing with her nephew. They had to go to break after that.
Jon told Ralph that Howard was basically saying that he's a shitty house guest. Ralph said he agrees with that but he also thinks that Howard thinks that he's a shit head because he threw up at his house.
Ralph said he's not sure why Howard is saying some of the stuff he says because he doesn't go around leaving stuff around Howard's house. He said he knows that's rude and he would never do that. Ralph said that the first time he went to the house it wasn't even done yet and he attributed some of that stuff to that. He said that he left a coffee cup on a newspaper because Howard wanted to show him something and he just forgot about it. He doesn't leave it around thinking that someone is going to pick up after him.
Gary said that Howard was saying one thing and Ralph is saying another so they're not sure where the truth is. Ralph said that maybe other people left stuff around and he attributed that to him.
Ralph said Howard gave him some rules about coming over and not using 900 towels and leaving things around the house. He said he was fine with that and he knows he has to respect his wishes. He said he was aware of that and tried not to do any of that. Then he threw up in the bed.
Ralph said he got up at 5 in the morning and it was like the Exorcist with the vomit all over the place. He said he knew where the washing machine was so he went and threw the sheets in there. He was trying to take care of the whole thing and didn't want anyone else to do it for him. He didn't want to wake anyone up or anything like that.
Gary said that he would have put that stuff outside instead of putting it into the wash. He asked Ralph what he slept in after that. Ralph said he was up by then and didn't go back to bed. He just sat there doing nothing.
Ralph said that people think that it's Beth who wants him out of the house but it seems more like it's Howard who wants him out and Beth is the one who wants to keep him there maybe.
Ralph said that maybe they're better off not hanging out at the house. He said it's a really nice place and he likes being there. Gary said that Ralph was a perfect house guest when he saw him. He said that he's never heard Howard complain about anyone but Ralph though.
Ralph said that Gary went through a door at one point and didn't see the note that said not to use it. Gary said that he knows not to use it now. He said that Ralph would just complain about it if he had seen it. Ralph said that's not true and he'd follow the rules of the house.
Ralph said he's been to places where it's a little more relaxed than at Howard's place. He said he's never had anyone react to him like Howard has.
Gary said that going out with Howard is another story. He said he invited Howard and Beth out to dinner one night and he and his wife figured there was nothing that Howard could complain about. Then the next show he complained about the time they served desert.
Ralph said he was really sorry about the vomiting thing. He's said it on the air and right to Howard and Beth. He can't apologize enough.
Benjy asked Gary if his good friend, Frank, told him that he threw up in his guest bed, would it be funny or not. Gary said that they've stayed at each other's home many times and that kind of thing just never happens.
Ralph said that Howard isn't tight with other people like that though. He said he's kind of tight with him but you're always at a distance with Howard. He said he's been through a lot of shit with Howard too.
Benjy said that Howard was talking about how often they hang out and he wondered how much Ralph thinks they hang out. Ralph said he doesn't count working as hanging out and they really don't hang out that often. He said they do talk on the phone once in a while but it's not with any regularity.
Ralph said his friend Greg is one of those guys he can not see for months and they just pick right up from where they left off. He said he's not one of those guys he has to keep up with.
Jon asked Ralph if he's spoken to Howard since all of this went down. Ralph said he hasn't and there's no reason to go over it with him.
Gary said that he was pitching an idea to Howard TV where they'd have a game show called Who Wants to be Ralph's BFF. Ralph said that would be good and they could have people pitching to him what they have to offer. Jon let Ralph go a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard should have let Ralph know all of this stuff off the air and not air their dirty laundry on the show. He said that it's like Howard is hiding behind the show. Gary said that he has had that discussion with him off the air. He just talked about it today because of some stuff Ralph said on the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
The caller said that Gary is very gracious and he takes stuff with a grain of salt. Gary said that he's just telling it like he thinks it went down. Gary said he thinks that Ralph makes a little bit more sense too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Ralph seems to lose his memory only when he does things wrong. He said that Ralph forgot what happened when they accused him of stealing money and now he's forgetting what happened when he threw up.
Gary said he doesn't get the whole black out thing because he's never blacked out himself. Gary said that one night he and Jon saw Ralph dancing with a heinous looking woman and he had to have been blacked out to have done that. Gary said that it was like a scene in Shallow Hal where Ralph must have seen a hot chick but everyone else was seeing the fat chick.
Jon took a call from another guy who said that Ralph seems to have selective hearing. He said that the stuff he did was wrong and Howard was probably okay with it but he's got to check with Beth on all of that. Gary said that Howard has a reason for why Ralph did it and Ralph is wondering why he didn't have some sympathy for him when he thinks that he had a head injury that caused the vomiting.
Benjy said he has a friend who he had to lay down rules on really bad. Gary said he knew one of the things. Benjy said that he used to find him sitting in his bed watching a porn movie so he had to lay down the law that there would be no masturbation in his room.
Ralph called in again and said that the caller was blaming Beth for this problem and that's not the case. Jon and Gary said they think they made that pretty clear.
Ralph also said that he wasn't bombed that day and he wasn't smoking that much that day so he's not sure where that's coming from. Ralph also said that he held off a day not going out to Howard's place because of the head injury. He said he went to the emergency room when he got back and had a CAT scan done but they found nothing.
Benjy asked Ralph if he thinks he has a pure friendship with Howard or if he does it to keep his career going. Ralph said he thinks they keep those two things separate.
Gary asked Ralph if he remembers that chick that he was dancing with in the Hamptons. Ralph said he didn't remember her at all and asked if she was really nasty. Gary said she was probably in her 50s and she was a little heavy and not very good looking. Ralph laughed when he heard the description.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the reason Howard has had enough of Ralph is because he always denies this stuff. He asked if Ralph's CAT scan showed anything. Gary said he's not sure. The guy figured there was nothing there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon and Gary if they've ever had a situation at a friend's house like clogging the toilet or something like that. Gary said he once went to a friend's house on Labor Day. He said he got really drunk and opened up the door and vomited in one of their plants. He said the wife poured Chlorox on the plant and killed it. He said that he was only 24 at the time and he never did that again.
The caller told a story about taking a shower at a friend's house and steamed the wall paper off the walls. He said that he still hears about that from his friend because wall paper still won't stick to the walls.
The show was about over so the automatic commercials cut in for a second. Howard thought they were out of time but Jon and Gary said that they always have time for him.
Howard went on to say that Ralph didn't have a concussion or anything like that. He said that he was running around smoking and drinking and he was so drunk he couldn't remember that night. Howard said that Ralph was drinking all day and he was also eating an inordinate amount of food that day. He thinks he puked because he over ate and drank and smoked.
Ralph called in and asked what he considers an inordinate amount of food. Howard said they had dinner and then ate nuts in the basement. He said that he was eating desert and stuff like that as well. Howard told Ralph he's not so skinning these days and has man tits. Ralph told Howard he might want to slow down on the food too. He said that Howard is the one eating all day. Howard said he has 3 meals a day.
Howard said that Ralph was smoking all day long but Ralph said he smoked a little pot in the afternoon. Ralph said he did have a little wine but it wasn't that much. Howard said he was drinking enough that he said he was drunk. Ralph said that's not enough to make him black out. Howard said they did the CAT scan and found that there was nothing wrong with him.
Ralph and Howard were talking over each other as they were arguing. Ralph asked Howard how he could drink so little and still pass out and black out in bed. Howard said he did smoke and over ate and that's what made him throw up.
Ralph said he remembers the whole day except when he went to sleep. Howard said that every time he comes to his house he's been sick. Ralph said that maybe Howard is what's making him sick. He said that he has Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Howard makes him irritable.
Howard went off on Ralph for all of the problems he constantly has when he's hanging out with him. He told Ralph that he has set times for when he eats and he should come over and stick to those times. He said he's very high maintenance.
Howard said that Ralph is always asking him to find stuff for him and he's high maintenance. Ralph told Howard he's pretty high maintenance himself. Ralph said that all criticism is self criticism.
Ralph told Howard to stop inviting him over to his house if that's the way he feels. Howard said that's what he did. He didn't invite him over again after the vomiting incident.
Ralph asked if he was a good guest before he vomited. Howard said he was a good guest until then but vomiting is a pretty big deal.
Howard said that things haven't changed with them. He said it's just tough to have Ralph over. Ralph said he still loves Howard and he doesn't think that things have changed. Howard said that Ralph is just a tough guest to have over.
Jon asked Howard if he's constantly waiting for the next thing to happen when they go out. Howard said that you're always waiting for Ralph to do something and he's always got something going on. He mentioned the time that they were getting ready to leave and Ralph was on the phone making reservations to go somewhere. Ralph said that they were leaving early and he thought they were leaving at a certain time so he was doing other things while he waited.
Ralph was telling Ronnie to bounce Howard around in the car. Howard checked out a short time later. Ralph said that was a Wrap Up Show exclusive. He wanted to tell them what he really thought about that but Jon and Gary said they had to end the show. They went a few minutes past their usual end time.
Howard started off the show talking about how little time they had to get to so much stuff. He said they only had 5 hours to do it. He said he's only contractually obligated to do 4 hours but he always ends up doing more. He said they go over an hour more every day because of Robin's news no matter when they start it. Fred said they always go an extra hour.
Howard said he'd like to shorten the show a bit because he gets woozy in that last hour and a half these days. He said he's getting older and he can't take it like he used to. He said he starts to nod off like Artie these days.
Howard said they should start the show with her news and then do the show with whatever they have left. He said that they almost did that with Fred when they were offered a job in Washington at an NBC affiliate station. They were told by Jerry Nackman that he wanted them to do the news there because they did it better than the real news stations.
Artie said that between what Howard did on radio and on TV, he might be the most influential person in the industry. Howard said that might be why his wife is on the cover of the paper today. He said he has this horrible thing that happens to him where he gets a panic attack when he sees his name on the front page of the paper.
Howard said Beth is going to be running in the marathon this weekend and the Daily News interviewed her about it. They stuck her on the front page and when he saw ''Stern's Wife on the Run'' on the front page, he kind of panicked. He said the North Shore Animal League loves her for getting so much publicity.
Howard said he told Ross Zapin to get her a hat with the SIRIUS logo on it so they can advertise it in pictures like that. Artie said he got a Beth O t-shirt but it was a little too small for him. Robin said she got an XL which was kind of insulting.
Eric was shitting as they spoke. He told Howard his stomach is killing him. He had diarrhea from all of this. Artie told him he sucks because he's about to lose 200 bucks to Howard.
Howard asked Shuli how much Eric has to put out to catch up. Eric has to dump 13 ounces more. He said Eric had to go so bad that he didn't even want to weigh his shit anymore. He didn't want to have to go outside with his shit bag to dump his shits. Artie said that he can't believe that he's losing because of that.
Howard and Robin told Joey that if he wins they're going to send him their $200 winnings. Joey said he loves those guys. Artie kept telling Eric that he sucks and can't believe his attitude toward this whole thing.
Joey said that it stinks so bad right now in there. Artie told him that's because he's sitting next to someone shitting. Joey said he's not even sure why he's doing this.
Howard said he saw something that looked like rain in the apartment and he realized it's an air freshener spray. Eric said it's Lysol. Shuli said there's not enough of it to cover up that smell.
Eric said his shit was still coming out ''like a waterfall.'' Eric said he might be on there for an hour at the rate it's coming out. He told Howard he might want to put his lunch away.
Artie asked what the biggest shit ever was. Howard said he thinks it might be Joey's 9 ounce shit. Joey said he's pretty sure no one weighs their shit usually.
Howard said that it's like Elephant Man being viewed by high society. He said that someone else wrote them a letter and said she wanted to come in and see him. He said that she's a really hot chick. He said that he's evidently a huge Eric fan.
Howard said that it was going to be the hot chick, Natalie Maines and the guy that called in yesterday. Gary said they have another surprise but Eric won't even believe it if they tell him.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks so far. Eric said he was just thinking about things and what he was saying. He said it's interesting to hear this but Natalie was kind of bashing him on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. He said it's okay if they have her in though.
Howard said that Eric is going to get up and walk when he hears who this surprise guest is. Howard said he's going to hold off and keep it a surprise. Howard said it is a woman but he's not going to tell Eric who it is. Robin asked him to whisper it to her. Howard pretended he was going to but didn't give out the name.
Artie had a guess for who this special guest is. Howard said they have a dude coming in too that Eric might be even more excited about meeting. Artie took a guess and got one of them right. Robin guessed it was Clay Aiken who was coming in.
Fred wanted to take a guess too. Howard told him not to say it. Fred was about to do that. Howard said that Fred was in the meeting so he already knows who the woman is. Gary came in and said that they had to get to Joey Boots and Eric again because Eric was about to weigh in.
Howard said yelling at the guy must have worked. Eric said he really had to go and he might not be done yet. Joey said he didn't know what was happening. He said he was speechless and didn't have to shit again. Robin asked what they're going to do if they don't shit again. Howard said they're calling it a tie if they don't shit anymore by 7 this morning.
Artie started yelling at Eric to shit more so he could win this thing. Eric told him to come out there with a cup of coffee and he'd shit again. Artie told him to eat anything, even a picture if they didn't have food in there. Artie yelled at him and called him a fag and a pansy among other things.
Howard said that this is a sport and he's not looking to get anyone hurt in this thing. Artie said he doesn't care if he dies shitting. Eric was shaking from being so cold in the apartment. They opened all of the windows to get the smell out.
Artie told Eric he has to shit again. Eric said he's probably going to shit again. Gary thought they were going to end it at 7:28 this morning but they technically started it at 7 so they were going to keep it at 7:00 exactly. Howard said that this is like the Giants game the other day when they came from behind and won.
Howard said he heard that Eric has been calling the Bunny Ranch chicks every day like 7 times a day. He said that they must be regretting having him there.
Howard asked Eric how many times he's calling them. Eric said it's not that much. Howard figured he was trying to get another free trip there. Eric said he's been talking to this guy Rich from that place since he's going to be with him when he comes to New York. He's also making arrangements to go out there for the special party.
Howard said that Eric is pretty obsessed after that special weekend he had out there. Eric said that's right. Howard asked him how many times he's beat off since then. Eric said he isn't going to say. Artie said he must love that sweet, sweet pussy.
Artie asked if Eric got blown out there. Eric said he did. Howard told Eric that they have more surprises for him and they'll see him next Monday. Howard said it's going to be a special day.
Howard said they might have to have a special celebrity viewing area for Eric. He said they could set it up like a press conference. He said it's a big deal that Eric is coming in. He let Eric go after that.
Rich from the Bunny Ranch called in and said that Eric is a cock hound now that he's gotten a little pussy. He said that he's texting them constantly. Rich said that Eric has gotten a taste of what they have out there and they're all about having fun. He said he just wanted to get the guy laid and now he wants more. Rich said he likes Eric and he's really a sweet kid. He said he's going to have him back there for Dennis' birthday. They can't do that every day though. Howard wished him good luck explaining that to Eric that they can't do it every day.
Rich said that they didn't pay the girls to have him over but they spent a couple of grand to get Eric out there. They will do it again for him. Howard said it's going to get bad because he's going to want it more and more.
Rich said that he was happy to help Eric out with this. Howard said that Eric's parents threatened to throw him out of his apartment over this but that's not going to stop Eric if he wants to get laid. Howard let Rich go a short time later.
Howard said he got the bad news that they found the body of their former intern, Leah Walsh, that went missing recently. The cops ended up arresting her husband but that doesn't mean he's guilty. He said he did see the guy on the news crying but the crying didn't look so believable. Gary said that they're working on getting it. Gary said it didn't look very good when he saw the guy crying.
Howard said he was talking to a former cop and he was saying that it would take a lot of work to make something like that happen. Gary said that they arrested him pretty quick after they found her though so maybe they had something on him.
They weighed in the shit and it was 4 ounces. Eric pretty much had it in the bag, so to speak. It was 26 ounces to 22 ounces at that point. Shuli said he wasn't feeling too good because he was seeing the shit in the bag.
Howard said that these two have been shitting for the past 24 hours. He saw Jim McClure there and wondered who it was because he didn't recognize him with the hood on his head. Jim said he had to do that to keep the stink from his face.
Howard did a review of the shits that the guys had over the past 24 hours. Joey was in the lead by 12 ounces this morning but then Eric came through and blew him out of the water with all of his diarrhea shits. Howard said this was phenomenal. Eric came through with a 12 ouncer earlier and now another 4 ounces.
Joey said that Eric took the wind out of his sails. Howard said that Eric really did come through. Joey said that he'd have to put out another 5 ounces to win this morning. He only had 15 minutes to do that.
Joey said that he may just pull down his pants and try to push something out at the last minute. Howard said that Eric needs to go on a diet. He said he's never seen a belly hang like his. He said he's not a parent or anything but he really has to do something. He said his heart must be working hard just to take a beat.
Eric said that maybe he's going to go exercise and work out. Artie said that he was also standing there with a dirty ass. Joey said that he was in a great mood this morning thinking he was going to win and he was happy. Now he's going to lose because of this shit. Joey said he already had that money spent.
Shuli said that Joey actually talked Eric into staying in the game because he was about to quit. Eric said he feels great for staying in the game. Eric said he didn't want to wake Joey up this morning so that's why he was going to get out.
Howard said Eric looked triumphant. Joey said that's the body of an athlete. Artie asked why Eric had to be talked into this. Howard said it was kind of surprising that Eric was ready to get out of the game this morning and now he's winning.
Howard asked Eric if he's ever won anything before. Eric said that this is the first time he's ever been in the lead for anything. Eric said he thinks that the fried calamari is what did it to him. Joey said that Eric ate what he ordered and copied him so that may have been what caused him to lose.
Shuli said that the guys spent about 30 bucks on food last night. SIRIUS covered the food though, they didn't have to pay for it. Artie said he's going to give Eric $25 of his 200 that he's winning from Howard.
Howard said the frightening thing about Eric is that you can't even see his cock. Eric said that he liked playing Alfred Inchcock in the Howard TV Halloween special. They had to draw a fake cock on him so it looked like he had something there. Howard said the Craptacular turned out to be pretty exciting.
Howard said he figures that they'd do really well if they were still on terrestrial radio. Howard said that Rush's ratings are going away and they just signed him to a big new deal recently. He said that even Scott DePace isn't listening to him as much as he used to.
Howard talked about Rush Limbaugh's career and how he got syndicated around the country. He said that the guy is really a mess. Robin said he's actually a fake and a phony based on what they've heard about him over the years. They were also talking about Bob Grant who was pretty popular there in New York City. Artie said he remembers listening to him back when he was big. Howard said they even put him up against him in the mornings.
Howard said that girls don't care about dressing up as a character, they just want to look like hot chicks. He said his daughter is dressing up like Pocahontas and he knows she's just doing that so she can wear a short skirt and look hot.
Howard said that Sarah Palin is another one that people are going to be dressing up like. Robin said she's getting glasses like Palin's but not for Halloween. She said she's been looking for a nice pair of glasses for a awhile and she thinks that's the right look for her.
Howard read a story about a guy who stabbed a dog to death. He said that if a guy can do that to a dog, a human being isn't far behind. Howard said they're just a step away from killing people.
Artie said he saw a guy do something to a cat on the lawn of a church. That guy ended up dying from a drug overdose years later.
Howard mentioned that Beth is on the cover of the Daily News today. He said that she's also in Us Magazine for a ''Who Wore It Better'' and she came in second out of the three. Howard said that he can't believe that she lost to anyone because the other two broads had bellies that stuck out. Howard said that it was a no brainer from what he saw.
Howard said this is the end of the Craptacular that has been going on for the past 24 hours. He said that Eric's underwear looked like it had gone through World War III. He asked Eric to show people his underwear. Eric did that and they were a mess. Robin asked why there was so much there. Eric didn't answer.
Joey weighed in his latest shit. He came in with another four ounces. It was a tie again. Eric gave his last shit to Shuli so he could weigh that one in. Eric came in with another 6 ounces! Eric beat Joey by 2 ounces right at the end.
Joey told Howard he was sorry for losing. Howard told him it was a good effort. Joey congratulated Eric on the win but he feels like an idiot for talking him into staying in the competition. Joey said he thought he had it won and he was hoping to have money to buy gifts for his niece and nephew this Christmas. He broke down crying over it.
Howard told Joey he gave it his all. Eric said he would give Joey $250 out of his 500 if he wanted. Joey thought that was nice. Eric said he knows that Joey gave it his best. Artie said that he would give 200 to both of them.
Howard asked Joey if he wanted to give a message to his niece and nephew. Joey said he just wanted to get them something nice and he let them down. He said he's feeling good now that Eric and Artie came through with the money. He said that it's going to be a good Christmas after all. He also said he thinks that Eric is going to do the Wheel of Fish thing. He said he thinks that this brought him and Eric closer together. They're both helping each other out. Eric told Joey that he's glad they hung out for the past couple of days and caught up on old times.
Artie asked Joey if the kids know what he does to get the money for the gifts. He said they don't know what he does.
Gary said that the guys in the office are wondering if Joey is going to buy an 8 ball for Christmas. Joey said he's not doing coke and hasn't done that for a year. Joey said he hasn't been smoking a lot of weed either. He still drinks but that's not what he's going to use this money for. Artie told him he'd better not use it for that.
Howard gave both Eric and Joey $500 prizes courtesy of Man Groomer. They were walking out with about $700 a piece. Joey asked Eric if he was going to give him half of his money. Howard said he did this so Eric wouldn't have to do that. Joey said he didn't know that's what the deal was.
Joey gave some shout outs to the guys at SternFanNetwork.com and Eric got in some plugs for some appearances he was making. Friday, December 12 at Elite at the Coliseum in Voorhees, NJ with Rev. Bob Levy, Danny Bonaduce and more. They'll also be at Rams Head Live in Baltimore, Maryland on Saturday, December 13.
Joey got in one more plug for RockysRubberRoom.com before they had to wrap up and go to break.
Richard had Howard trying to play Smoke on the Water and things like that. Artie said he has a guitar but he doesn't know how to play it. He said he got it just so he could make some noise. Howard played some Neil Young and Artie sang along with that. It may have been the longest Guitar Center commercial ever made.
The guys talked about the song and how it probably wouldn't have been a hit if they had put it out in that way. The song, as it came out, was really rockin. Fred said he thinks that The Who were better than most other bands when they play live. He said that they're better than Led Zeppelin and The Rolling Stones.
Howard asked Fred to write him a song like that so he can have a hit song. Fred said that he's no Pete Townshend.
Howard said he likes this version of the song better than the original. Gary said he did a couple of songs that way and they were really good. He told Howard Rein 'oer Me.'' Fred played some of the Baba O'Reilly song that was done acoustically.
Howard said they're getting a Led Zeppelin channel there on SIRIUS. He read the press release about that and spent a minute on that subject.
Howard asked Arnold what he's doing on Letterman tonight. Arnold said it's not Letterman, it's Craig Ferguson. Howard said that Gary wrote down the wrong name. Will is the one who wrote down the wrong information. Howard asked why Will can't get it right.
Arnold said that he's going to be appearing as Arnold Schwarzenegger as he does every month on that show. He said that he and George Takei may suck face on there. Howard said he's trying to understand what this bit is going to be. He thinks that Fake Arnold was hired to go on and Arnold is going to talk about gay marriage with George Takei.
Arnold said that he had to kiss George and they're going to tape the show tomorrow. He said he doesn't even look like Arnold though. He said they put a lot of make up on him to make him look something like Arnold. Howard let Arnold go a short time later.
Robin said that she thinks that Letterman has ripped off a bit from the show. They do it with video, but they're editing together clips to make people say stupid things like Richard does with audio books. Howard said that they all rip from the best and Howard thinks that he's the best.
Howard had a Fake Arnold bit with Jack and Rod so he played that. Sal and Richard were talking to a guy and had him thinking he was talking to Governor Schwarzenegger who was saying some really crazy stuff about the Jews and homosexuals and stuff like that. Artie said that is an extraordinary impression he does of Arnold.
Ham Hands Bill called in and said that Jillian Barberie did something wrong and he'd like to spank her on the show. Robin asked what it was that she did. Bill said something but his phone connection was bad so it was hard to understand. Bill said that she smacked JD on the head. Howard said that he would contact Jillian and ask her if she wants to come and get spanked by him while Will the Farter farts in her face. That was the other thing that Bill suggested. Bill got in a plug for his web site HamHandsBill.com before Howard let him go.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that she's talking to Beth about her upcoming run in the marathon. Howard said that she's going to be loading up on pasta and stuff on Saturday night. Howard said he was out with his daughter last night at Mateo's and loaded up himself. He said he's not running as much as Beth is though.
Howard said that Beth never worries about sleeping and stuff but she's been going nuts getting 8 hours of sleep lately. He said that they even sent their dog over to Laura's house because she was keeping them up. Beth is even going to take a sleeping pill the night before the marathon. Howard told her that he's going to get her drunk and make her sleep that way instead. She won't drink while she's in training though.
Howard said Beth has put a lot of time into the marathon training and she's afraid she's going to be sick. He said she's going to go run it no matter what though.
Robin said she saw a woman reach into her pants and throw a glob of shit to the side of the road during a marathon. Artie said people should be arrested for stuff like that.
Lisa said that she spoke to the staffers about condoms and Ronnie revealed that he doesn't use condoms and always has unprotected sex. Lisa said that he's upset about her running the story yesterday. Howard said that's a douche move. He said that's looking for trouble not using a condom like that.
Howard asked Ronnie what he's doing. He said that's just wrong not to wear a rubber. Ronnie came in and said he didn't want to get into it. He said that he didn't even talk to Lisa about it and then he heard the news report while he was in the car with his mother. He said he was listening to Bubba when he heard the news report.
Howard asked Ronnie why he would tell her that stuff if he didn't want it on the air. Artie asked him why he listens to Bubba with his mother in the car. Ronnie said she's a big Bubba fan.
Ronnie said that Lisa asked him if he sues condoms and all he said was ''no'' and didn't elaborate on it. He said that she made up all of this crap in her story that he never said anything about.
Robin said that a study said that men 40 and up don't usually pull out condoms when they go to have sex. Ronnie said that he wasn't bragging about it when he said it.
Howard asked Ronnie how he stops from getting a chick pregnant. Ronnie kept saying he didn't want to talk about it. The guys asked him where his load goes. Ronnie laughed and asked where they think it goes. Ronnie said he doesn't know and didn't want to talk about it on the radio. Ronnie said that it all depends on who the chick is where he drops his load.
Howard told Ronnie that people are complaining about his cologne today. Ronnie said that it's called Mambo. Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard said that he's wearing too much of it today and people are complaining. Howard said that people shouldn't be able to smell him unless they're really close to him.
Artie said that stuff is going to be flying off the shelves now. Ronnie said that it was actually discontinued. He said he gets like 4 or 5 bottles at a time.
Howard read about the Mambo stuff and said that it's recommended for the older people. He said the smell lasts 6-10 hours. Ronnie said the chicks go crazy over the stuff. Howard read that it was sold at Target stores. Ronnie said they don't sell it there anymore. It used to be 70 bucks a bottle. Howard said it's now $29.99 at Target.
Ralph called in and asked if it was true that Ronnie's mother is still alive. He said she must be 110. Ronnie told him to shut the fuck up or he'll smash in his face.
Ronnie told Ralph that his driver is going to bust his face the next time he gives him shit. Ronnie said that Ralph gives Terry shit when he's in the car. Ralph said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard played a new song parody from The Bleeding Deacons which was about Ralph. It was ''House Guest From Hell'' to the tune of ''Highway to Hell.''
Howard said that he's heard some things about Ralph lately. He played another song about Ralph that was ''Ralph's a Berry Faced Douche Bag.'' Howard said that one was good.
Howard said he got so involved in the Ralph thing that he called the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He asked Ralph why he's talking about Ronnie's mother. Ralph said he didn't think it was insulting. Howard said he's just amazed that Ronnie doesn't wear rubbers.
Howard said that Ronnie thinks that his charm is his cologne but it's actually that tattoo of his dog Bots. Sal was out in the hall doing his Ronnie impression putting on the cologne.
Artie said that he had to hear the Wrap Up Show clip where he called in. Howard said he was listening to the show and had to call in.
Ronnie asked if he could leave. Fred asked if they ever found out where he's dropping his loads. Ronnie thanked him for bringing that up again. Howard told Ronnie that he could get tons of STDs if he keeps having sex like that. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Howard let Ronnie go a short time later.
Howard said Ralph ate a giant can of peanuts at his house. He said he had tons of food. In the clip Ralph said he just had a wrap to eat. Howard said he was eating one thing after another. Then Howard told Ralph that he's got man tits and he's not so skinny himself.
In the clip Ralph said that Howard is eating too much these days too. Howard said that he doesn't know what Ralph is talking about, he eats a ton of food himself. Ralph said he remembers what happened that day and he only smoked a little bit in the afternoon. Howard said he was smoking and drinking all day long. Howard said Ralph went to the hospital and they didn't find any head injury. Ralph said he blacked out for some reason and it wasn't from smoking and drinking.
Howard said that the clip went on and on. He said he was going nuts in his car over this thing. He played more of the clip where he was going off on Ralph about the way he acts at his house and all of that. Howard was telling him that he's high maintenance and he doesn't realize it. Ralph told Howard that he's pretty high maintenance too. Ralph also told him to stop inviting him over. Howard said he's already done that.
Howard came back and said that Ralph is impossible to deal with. Howard said he might be high maintenance but he's not asking Ralph to entertain him. Howard said he's never asked Ralph to maintain him so he doesn't know what he's complaining about.
Howard said he asked Ralph to come out to his house to recuperate and he ended up puking in the bed. Fred said that Ralph should stay home and make the meals the way he wants there. Howard said that Ralph is always asking for stuff that turns into a whole ''thing'' with him.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't think he was abusing him at all and he wasn't acting any different than he usually does. Ralph said that Howard is a horrible host because no one else talks about the way their guests act.
Gary said that Ralph is being belligerent and he turns it around to make it seem like he's the victim. He said Ralph apologizes but then attacks.
Fred said that Ralph is attacking Howard and he thinks he has a substance abuse problem and he's not willing to admit it. Howard said Ralph has been out to his place a few times and three of those times he's blacked out.
Gary said that Ralph was fine for 2 days so he has to admit that it couldn't have been the head injury that caused him to vomit. Howard asked Ralph if he could just be normal for once.
Gary said that Artie took a bunch of guys out to lunch one day and Ralph went and asked for all of his food to be wrapped up to go so he didn't have to eat with everyone. Ralph said he just had the food he didn't eat wrapped up to go.
Howard said that Ralph starves himself all morning and then starts eating at 11 in the morning and keeps eating the whole day.
Ralph said he thought they were done with this story but then Howard brought it up on Monday or Tuesday. Fred said that it was brought up because of something Ralph said on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that's right and it was Ralph who brought it up again. Howard said he's not the one who brought it up.
Ralph complained about Howard not bringing him to dinner the other night. Howard said that it was for the guys on the show and he didn't invite anyone else. Ralph said that Ross was invited but Howard told him that he took him off the list early. He didn't invite him out.
Ralph was also upset about not going with him to see Don Rickles. Howard said he was already going and didn't want to go with Ralph.
Robin said it sounds like Ralph is jealous of Howard's other friends. Ralph said he's not. Howard said Ralph is hurt that he's not inviting him to his house anymore but he can't deal with the vomiting and diarrhea anymore.
Ralph told Howard he's not trying to excuse what happened. Howard said he knows that but it's too hard waiting on him. He said he likes hanging with the guy but it's just too much to deal with. Howard said that every time Ralph has come out he's had a problem.
Howard said that Ralph always wants to stay at the places he goes to. He asks to stay at Robin's place too. They spent a couple more minutes on all of that before Howard let Ralph go.
Howard ended up getting back to Ronnie and his Mambo cologne. He goofed on Ronnie about that and did impressions of Ronnie asking for it at a Target store. Howard said he wears cologne on the weekends once in a while but it puts on just a tiny amount.
Ronnie came in and asked Howard to get off that subject. Howard asked him how many bottles of that stuff he has. Ronnie said he's got about 10 bottles and he was told that if you put it in your refrigerator it'll keep much longer.
Ralph was still on the phone but Ronnie said he didn't want to talk to him. He said he was a piece of shit and he didn't want to talk to him after the mother comment. He said that he'll do anything to get on the air and that's bullshit.
Ralph apologized to him for what he said but Ronnie didn't want to hear it. Ronnie told him to get the fuck out of there and asked ''who the fuck are you?'' He told Ralph to go fuck himself. Ralph told Ronnie that he'd be nowhere without Howard. Ronnie said he was in business before Howard and he would have done fine. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself. He said he stabs people in the back all the time.
Ronnie asked Ralph why he has to bring up his mother. Ralph said it was weird that he was listening to Bubba with his mother in the car. Howard said he just wanted to know about Mambo cologne.
Fred said you can get the cologne at overstock.com for 28 bucks. Ronnie said that he wasn't able to look it up on the web himself. He said he had someone look it up for him and they found it for him. He said his computer got up and walked out of the house on it's own.
Ronnie said that his Scoresman e-mail thing got him into a lot of trouble. He said ''she'' would look at his e-mail and see the naked pictures that girls were sending to him and that got him into trouble.
Howard said people were telling him today that he was wearing too much cologne. Fred wanted to walk toward him and see how close he gets before he smells him.
Ronnie said that he thinks that it was DePace who was complaining about it. Fred said that he could smell Ronnie from about 7 feet away. Artie said he could smell him from pretty far away too. Howard walked over to take a sniff too and caught a whiff of him. Ronnie said that Howard was in the elevator with him this morning and didn't say anything. Howard was about 7 feet away when he could smell him too. Howard said he thought it was Otis who smelled of cologne this morning.
A guy called in pretending to be Ronnie's mom. He was doing an Italian woman's voice though so Robin asked how Ronnie's mother became Italian.
Howard asked Ronnie if he knew the cologne was for mature men. Ronnie said he didn't read about it. He said that someone gave him the stuff as a gift long ago and he really liked it. Howard said that must be the secret for getting all of the girls. Howard let Ronnie go after that as Fred was playing ''Mama Loves Mambo.'' Ronnie said that they should bring the stuff back now that he's gotten them so much attention.
Howard said Will the Farter was supposed to be in today but that didn't work out. He said Will asked them to give him a plug so he did that for him. He plugged his web site HandTooter.com
Howard said that Seth is doing really good and the last movie he did, Pineapple Express, did really well. He said he likes Seth a lot. Howard said the latest movie is ''Zack And Miri Make a Porno.'' He said he likes the premise for the movie. He said that the couple are out of money and they decide to make a porno.
Howard said that some places won't play the movie in their town because of the word ''porno'' being in the title.
Gary said that his son asked him what a porno was when he saw the title of the movie. Gary said he told him that it was just an adult thing and tried not to answer it. He said he wasn't in the mood to talk about it with his kid.
Seth asked Gary if his kids ask about other movie titles too. He asked if they talk about Saw and what torture is. Robin said that's someone who doesn't have a kid. Howard said Kevin Smith told someone to tell their kids that porno is something adults do when they don't have any money.
Howard said he has a secret compartment for his porno. He had a secret sliding panel built into his book cabinet. He said that he never admitted that before but they had to rip that out of his apartment to do some work in there. He said that he had to clear it all out and it looked like a porno store when he was pulling it out of there. Howard said that it was full of stuff that he'd never have the balls to buy in a store.
Howard said he had the secret compartment built and had to wait for Beth to leave the place before he pulled it out of there. He didn't want her seeing the amount of stuff he had. He said it was like 2 weeks before their wedding when he was cleaning it out.
Howard said he took the porn out and laid it out on the floor so he could pick out what to throw in the garbage. Howard said he had about 20 good ones that he kept and threw out the rest. Robin asked if he has a secret compartment now. Howard said that 20 isn't that bad and that's kind of normal so he's not hiding it like that anymore.
Seth said that he probably has a couple thousand porn movies. He said that sometimes he'll watch it with his girlfriend but the internet makes it all obsolete and you don't need a secret room for it anymore. Howard said that the speed is quick and you can watch anything on the web.
Seth said that the internet has developed with him and the older he gets the easier the access gets. Seth said he likes to read the reviews of porno DVDs on web sites. Howard said the world is really pervy.
Seth said that he watched one movie where this really fat chick had a tiny tattoo on her and one guy wrote that he hates it when women ruin their bodies with tattoos.
Howard said there are even sites out there that rate their hookers. Artie said that he should do that with the whores he's been with. That's what he can blog about on his site. Howard told him he won't look like a loser if he blogs about that.
Howard asked Seth about training for the Green Lantern. Seth said that he has lost a few more pounds but he can't pack on the muscle yet because he's working on another movie right now. He said that he would be making fun of himself if he were someone else but he thinks that he has to get into shape to do that movie. Howard said it would be odd to see the Green Hornet as a big fat guy smoking dope.
Seth said they're not shooting that until next May. Howard told Seth that he's doing really good and working a lot right now. Robin said he might be changing the whole movie industry. Seth said he can't believe it himself. He thanked them for being so psyched for him. Howard said they're really not, they hate him for it.
Howard asked Seth if he was asked to do Ghostbusters 3. Seth said that he saw Dan Aykroyd was pleading with him to do it but he thinks it's a bad idea for a movie. He said he thinks it's weird to have someone like Aykroyd asking him to do the movie like that. Howard said he could get excited about a movie like that if they had someone like Seth in there and they had a good script. Seth said he would read the script and if it were amazing, he would do it. He can't imagine that it would be better than Ghostbusters 2 and
Howard told Seth he likes the name of this movie he's in. He asked if there's a lot of nudity. Seth said that there are a lot of tits in the movie. Elizabeth Banks is in the movie and Gary told him that she's so hot. She's the one that makes the porn with Seth's character in the movie.
Howard said that Seth must love working with hot chicks like that. Seth said that she's married. Howard asked Seth if he's getting a lot of hot chicks. Seth said he's busy building his porn collection. Howard asked if this Elizabeth Banks shows tittie. Seth said she did not but Katie Morgan did. He said there are some strip club scenes too. Seth said Traci Lords is in the movie and doesn't show tits either.
Howard asked if they see Seth's ass or anything in the movie. Seth said that he does show his ass a little bit. He said their sex scene was more romantic than the porno movie scenes were.
Howard asked Seth if he popped a rod when he did the sex scenes with Banks. Seth said he didn't. He said he's okay with that stuff when he shoots scenes like that. He said he tries not to get a boner during shoots like that. Howard said he wouldn't be able to avoid it.
Howard was looking at some pictures of Elizabeth Banks and she as looking really hot. Seth said she's a great chick. Howard gave him some more plugs and wished him luck with the movie.
Howard said that kid is working his ass off. Robin said that they say that people who smoke pot are lazy but he's getting a lot of work done. Howard said that you can be very lazy and be in film. He said that the guy seems to be very level headed though even though he's doing so well in the business. He said he thinks that he might be on the edge of breaking down and becoming one of those Hollywood guys though. Robin said he's probably going to slim down for the Green Hornet movie and that's when he'll get the big ego.
Artie said that the Green Hornet thing will be around the time that his movies start sucking and that's going to be when he turns into one of those Hollywood guys.
Howard played a clip from a Ghetto porn movie that they've been playing this week. Artie said he has to see what that chick looks like. Sal came in and said that she's actually pretty hot. He said he can't pull a clip because Brian Phelan took the DVD home.
Howard played another clip of that chick where the chick is blowing a guy and then gagging on him and yelling at him about not cumming yet. Artie said he'd get upset with a chick if he treated him like that.
Howard asked Sal what the chick looked like. Sal described her as being a caramel color with straight hair like a Lego character would have. Howard said it would be like the hair on Davey in Davey and Goliath. Sal said that's exactly what it's like. Artie said that they did a spoof of that show back when he was on MAD TV that was pretty funny. Howard did an impression of what that probably sounded like and Artie told him that's almost exactly what it was like.
Howard said that Jerry was in a magazine one time where he was surrounded by a ton of memorabilia and he really hadn't done anything in show business for years. He said he had this power desk and he wondered what the hell he was doing with it.
Howard said he had a meeting in his office that he never uses. He said that he finally had the meeting in there and felt great about it. He said he had a lawyer, two agents and an accountant in the office. He said he got them water from his bar and thought it was cool to have the business discussion in there. Now the office is back to him just playing chess and watching TV.
Robin said she went to see the Lucasfilm offices recently and she got to see the board room at the ranch. Howard said he can't imagine what they discuss in there after he put out the last three, shitty, Star Wars movies.
Howard said that board rooms are just bullshit. He said that they gave him a $10,000 budget for his office and he made it up nice but he really doesn't do anything in there except watch TV. He said he usually just passes out in 2 minutes and then sleeps for 45 minutes.
Artie said his mother made him an office at his new shore house but he never uses it. He said he's dying to do something in there. Robin said the one time she had a meeting her office wasn't ready.
Howard said that he wanted to make his office look really nice before the meeting so he asked someone to come in and fix it up. That didn't happen so it looked like it wasn't even ready.
Howard played a clip of Richard Simmons on some talk show breaking down and crying. He was fine one second but then he broke down and cried. Howard said that Richard is looking a little chubby to him these days. Robin said that he was very thin back in the 80s.
In the clip Richard was eating and telling this woman that she reminded him of his mom. That's when he broke down and cried. Then he recovered from the crying all of a sudden like nothing happened. The woman then told Richard that she'd be his mother since that's what he was crying about.
Howard said that TV is such horseshit. He said that's why people go to the internet to watch stuff now. He said that chick should breast feed Richard.
Howard said he had more clips to play but he had to get to Mike Walker and wrap up the show. He said he's been listening to the clips of the ''I Want To Be Howard Stern'' contest but he'll probably get to that on Monday. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Mike Singletary was being interviewed by a hot chick, Danyelle Sargent, on some sports show and she says something about Bill Walsh, who has been dead for years, and Mike looks at her like she's nuts. Gary said that she had no clue and the people in the booth were telling her to stop.
Howard played the clip and she said that she heard that one of the first calls Mike made was to Bill Walsh. Artie asked if they can stop pretending that these chicks have no clue about sports.
Gary said that Chris Russo spent an hour talking about how they have to get rid of this chick. Howard said that she's just doing her job and being someone for the guys to look at. Artie said that it was Bill Walsh and she should have known that he was dead.
Gary said that she claims that she had read an article about Singletary recently where he talked about a conversation he had with Bill Walsh and she didn't know that it was from years ago.
Howard told the guys to remind him to play the clip of the husband of their former intern crying as he's talking about her death. JD came in and said that it almost looks like he's trying to hold back laughter in the clip when he covers up his eyes. Howard said he has to try doing that himself. He pretended that he was upset about his wife being dead and he wasn't able to fake it.
Howard played the clip of the husband crying and said that he's actually pretty good. He sounded like he was upset at first. Then he talks about putting up posters and how he's willing to put up a reward to find he. Howard said they should have a contest where they have people pretend to be crying over their dead wife. Gary said he doesn't think he could do it.
Howard pretended to be crying and asked for people to please find his wife. He sounded like he was crying and thought it was really good. Robin said that it wasn't that good. She said that he had his hands over his eyes.
Artie broke down and brought up some real tears. He mumbled and weeped but Robin said he was no better. Howard asked him to do it as Costello with the wheezing. Artie tried that and it was much funnier that way.
Howard and Artie talked about shooting movies where they had to cry and they use this thing to blow into your eye to make you cry. Howard said Mary McCormack was able to fake it so good they had to ask her to pull it back a bit. He said she would break down in seconds no problem.
Howard said that Betty Thomas had to spray something in his eye to make him cry. Mary thought that it was real crying and told him that was great. He fessed up days later that he wasn't really crying.
Howard asked Fred to fake cry. Fred said that he didn't think he could do it. He was right. Fred asked people to send in some information and then broke down and said ''oink'' for some reason. Gary said that he heard a story about a child actor who had to do a crying scene so they told him that his dog had died.
Howard asked Fred to try again. He didn't think the oink thing came across very well. Fred said he heard that Ellen Bursten was a great crier. He said his wife worked with her and she looked like she was having a mental break down. Howard said he'd put her up against Mary McCormack any day.
Fred tried again but this time he did it as Jim Florentine trying to get Robin back. Howard told him that was horrible.
Howard had Benjy give the fake crying thing a try. Benjy started to weep and then asked people to help him with this. Howard said he looked like he was taking a shit. He told everyone to give him a shot though. Benjy was really crying and asked people for help to find his missing dead wife. Artie asked what tears he was seeing because he didn't see any. Robin said there was a little water there.
Artie said that he did a sketch at MAD TV where he had to make a couple of kids cry. As he was talking about that Howard said that Benjy was still crying. Benjy wouldn't stop so Howard told him that they were done with him. The guys told Howard he made the mistake of going to him.
Artie said that one of the kids wasn't able to cry so the mother of the kid threw a fit with him and he started crying and they weren't sure if he was acting or if she was just an evil mother. Artie said he's not sure what she said to him but it made the kid cry.
Howard said that this is based on a real story and the woman, Leah Walsh, was a former intern of theirs. He said that he heard that she was the nicest, sweetest girl. Gary said she did 300 hours of community service as a candy striper and she worked with autistic kids. Howard said he feels so bad for her mom and dad now. He said they contacted them about her and he had that bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that she was gone.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard, Fred and Artie all picked story 3 as the fake one. Robin went with story 2. Mike said the actual fake story was number two. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said that he had a guy on the phone claiming that the local CW channel just trashed him. The caller said that Steven Van Zandt was the one who trashed him. JD came in and said that this guy is full of shit and said that Steven was just joking around when they mentioned Howard's name. The caller thought that he was trashing him. Howard thanked him for the call. He said that he's one of those guys who thinks that you're talking shit to him when you really aren't and ends up getting into fights over nothing.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to tell them that Howard TV is great. He said he just got it this weekend and he was dying laughing over the Halloween special they have up there. The guy said he watched all four of the Ronnie Mund special shows.
The caller said he doesn't believe in their political beliefs but he still loves the show. He said the show is awesome and he even loves Beck's Light. Howard said that's the kind of call he likes to hear.
Howard said they have a schedule for new shows they're going to be doing for Howard TV next year. He said they have new programming and sitcoms in the works. He asked Robin if she's going to do anything for them and start acting again. Robin said she is sick of playing herself so maybe it's time. Howard said they wrote something for Beth.
Steve said that they have a story about Bubba being part of the E! True Hollywood Story about hulk Hogan. He wrapped up his news preview after that.
Howard said that Delta and Northwest airlines have merged and it didn't take them any time to get it passed. He said that he thought they gave them the amount of time it took for it to be passed. He read through the article but Scott the Engineer came in and said it was only 6 months. Howard said it took them over a year and a half for them to get the satellite merger passed. Howard said that an airline merger is a bigger deal than the satellite merger.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today.
Howard had a picture of this really hot chick who wanted to come in and meet Eric the Midget. He showed the pictures to the guys in the studio. Artie gave her a couple of ''Wow'' comments. He wondered if they could all fuck her.
Howard said he had some good Jackie the Joke Man news. He read an e-mail from a woman who said her husband is serving over in Afghanistan and he saw Jackie out there doing his comedy act with Bo Bice as the music act. Robin said ''Damn, Jackie's going to become a hero.'' The letter was very nice and he said it was from a woman by the name of Beate.
Wheels called in with a bracket thing with the hot chicks at Howard's wedding. He had Sarah Silverman and Sam's girlfriend first. Howard said that he would have to pick Sam's girl for a sex thing. Artie said he would give it to Sarah for being able to make you laugh.
wheels had Jillian Barberie and Beth's friend Kristin Takeman. Howard said that Kristin is hot but he thinks that Jillian would be great in bed. He can't imagine turning that down. Howard said he'd put her head right through a wall by pile driving her so hard. He said that he wouldn't be able to hear her talking after banging her so hard.
Howard said he's going by sex in all of this. wheels gave him Kelly Ripa and Suzanna Melendez (Stuttering John's wife). Howard said he has to pick Kelly even though Suzanna is hot. He said that being married to John is something he'd find hard getting past.
Wheels gave Howard Heather Clem and Sheri Zombie. Howard said that Sheri is really hot but he's never gotten that look from her. He said that he's heard from Bubba that Heather is hot for him and she's ready to go the mile with him. Howard said he'd have to go with Heather even though Sheri is so hot. He thinks that Sheri would vomit if she had to sleep with him.
Melissa Zapin and Melania Trump were next. Howard said he'd have to pick Melania even though Melissa is so hot. He said it's never going to happen that he'd be able to get Melissa anyway. He would never fuck his bro's wife.
Next up were Leah (John Stamos' date at the wedding) and Katie Joel. Howard said that was a tough one but he'd go with Leah. Natalie Maines and Jill Martin were next but Howard said he had to finish this on Monday. Wheels told Howard he was killing him.
Wheels said that he wanted to know if Howard knew the name that Howard has said the most on the show in the past month. Wheels said it wasn't an exact count but it was Natalie Maines. He said that he's used her name the most on the show lately.
Wheels said there were only two more brackets in this game. Howard didn't seem interested in finishing it today though. Howard joked that he had 2 other women at his wedding that he had slept with. Artie asked him if there were any others that he had slept with. Howard said that would be too weird so there weren't any there.
Wheels asked if he could get in on the Eric the Midget thing next week. Howard said they're only doing that for a couple of people. He said they do have a Newsday reporter that wants to come in though. He said it's going to turn into a whole press conference.
Robin read a story about Jerry Seinfeld being sued over some comments he made about the author of a cook book on David Letterman's show.
Robin had some news about Barack Obama's relatives coming out of the woodwork. That led to the guys talking about how some people don't even know their families that well and they're like strangers to you.
Robin said there are people in Times Square this morning trying to be part of the world's biggest gathering of Thriller dancers. Artie said they could also break the record for ''most assholes in one place'' too.
Howard tried to demonstrate what he thought was the Thriller dance but Artie told him he was doing the West Side Story dance. Gary came in and said they know someone down there at the gathering. It was High Pitch Mike. Artie was about to say something but he said he promised that he wouldn't say anything. He said if Mike comes in and does that dance, he might have to leave while he'd dancing. He promised to never say the F-word about him again.
Gary said that Mike asked if he could come in late this morning because he was going down there. He said he's surprised he's not covering it for them though. Howard said they should arrest everyone there. Howard said they'd call Mike but their phones aren't working.
Robin read a story about John Edwards marriage possibly being over. Robin mentioned that the clocks get turned back this weekend.
Robin said that Madonna and Guy Ritchie may have tried some Kaballah counseling before they broke up. Howard said she's nuts with that Kaballah stuff. Howard said that maybe a blow job in there somewhere would have helped.
Howard said that stuff is for Jews who aren't being regular Jews and want some mysticism in their lives. He said it's like being ''Super Jew.'' Artie said that he's more Jewish than Madonna is.
Robin said that Madonna wanted to fill her pool with special blessed Kaballah water. Artie laughed and said that he would piss in that pool every day if that was his wife. Robin said that they were going to have fountains filled with the water as well. Howard said that would be some scene to be a part of. He said that if Beth got into something like that, he'd get out of there. They ended up goofing on Guy and Madonna for a few minutes doing impressions of Guy talking about Madonna having drowned in the ''Jew water.''
Robin said that there won't be any trick or treating at Bruce Springsteen's house. She said that he and his wife won't be having their usual display at their house. Howard said he hates fuckin' Halloween. Howard did his Ringo Star impression saying ''Peace and love, peace and love.. there will be no trick or treating...''
Howard said they have Halloween decorations in the lobby of his apartment building and he hates it. He said it looks ridiculous.
High Pitch Mike showed up around that time and talked about the gathering he went to. Only 75 people turned out for the gathering. Mike said it was a real let down.
Howard asked Mike if he was doing the dance correctly. Howard demonstrated but he had it wrong. Mike showed him how to do it the right way. Robin knew it. Artie wasn't saying a word. Mike said he wasn't very good at it but he tried it anyway. Artie wasn't looking at him. Artie said he would do the Cabbage Patch with him.
Mike was saying that some people showed up as Michael and some as Zombies. Mike said he goes into this childhood kind of moment when he does that kind of thing.
Ralph called in and told Artie he has to goof on Mike. Howard said they have a truce right now so he can't. Mike said he's reading Artie's book (Too Fat To Fish) and it's amazing. He said that any Stern fan should read it.
Howard and the guys talked about how big Michael Jackson was with that song. Fred said that if he hadn't gone down the plastic surgery route, he'd probably still be huge. Howard said he was never really a fan of his music.
Robin read a story about Carol Alt losing her lawsuit. Howard said they'll talk to her about that when she comes in.
Robin read a story about this 70-something year old guy that kept his family locked in the basement for many years. The guy is now talking about why he did it. He talked about locking his mother in the attic and letting her die there.
Howard said he wants to do a movie about that guy and cast Kate Hudson as the daughter and Goldie Hawn as the mother. Fred said he was thinking of casting Carol Alt as the grandmother but she's been through enough lately.
Robin played some of Barack Obama's infomercial that he ran last night. The guys were all goofing on it based on the weird music he had playing behind him. That led to Artie saying he had a great joke but he wanted to use the N-word in it. Howard asked him not to tell it. Artie told people to tune into the Wrap Up Show to hear it instead.
Robin got back to her news and played some audio of John McCain talking about why people shouldn't vote for Obama. Howard said he's lacking nice music behind him. Artie said he needs the music from ''Halloween'' behind him. Howard had Fred play some scary music behind that speech. It actually worked pretty well. Robin said that the music from the Munsters might work even better.
Robin had some more Barack Obama clips and also had some news about the Philadelphia Phillies winning the World Series. She had the last call of the final game. Howard played that clip and said that even the announcer didn't sound that thrilled.
Robin read a story about Leah Walsh's body being found a few miles from her car. They found her dead in a ditch and her husband has been arrested and charged with her murder. They say it looks like it was a strangulation. They're also saying that she was threatening to leave her husband. Howard said she was a fine woman from what he's heard.
Robin read a story about a guy who laced his wife's coffee with cyanide because he couldn't stand to think of her with anyone else. She's now brain dead. Robin read another story about a woman who stabbed her lover with a screwdriver and killed him. Then she shot herself a day later after reporting the guy as missing.
Robin said that a drunken man killed the family dog with a BB gun before stabbing it to death after fighting with his wife.
Robin read a story about a guy who posted lewd pictures of his wife on the internet and asked guys to come and rape her. He was making it seem like she was the one asking for it. Howard wondered if the guys committing the crime would be convicted if they were just responding to an ad.
Robin said that Denise Richards' show is undergoing a name change and returning to E!. Robin said one reviewer said it should be changed to ''It's Boring.'' Howard said it did seem to be pretty boring to him too. He said the show is too simple. The show is produced by Ryan Seacrest. Artie said he'd love to be a fly on the wall in that meeting with Ryan and Denise pitching show ideas. Howard said that's the brilliant mind of Ted Harbert who took over at E!.
Artie said he met Ted Harbert and he almost seemed like a wax figure. Howard said Ted came over to his apartment after they got rid of him and he wanted to make sure he was okay with him. He said he really was like a wax figure and he could read what it was all about.
Robin read some news about Phil Spector's second trial coming up soon. ''30 Rock'' is coming back tonight so she had some clips of Tina Fey talking about it. Tina said that you don't need to have seen the show before to enjoy it. She was also saying that it's free so that's another reason to tune in. Robin mentioned that Oprah is going to be on this season. Artie said he'd like to see Oprah go up against High Pitch Eric in a Craptacular show.
Robin said that Lisa Kudrow has said that there won't be a ''Friends'' reunion. She said there never was a plan to do one. Robin said she thinks that Lisa is doing a web based show. Robin had a story about the woman who was ''The Bachelorette'' on TV. She's having a second baby. Howard said she's looking like a mother now and not dressing hot anymore. They ended up the show a short time later, around 11:05am.
Gary said that Ronnie didn't smell any stronger today than he does any other day. It must have been other people like Scott DePace.
Jon asked why Ronnie would wear cologne to work. Gary said he's not a cologne guy himself and he's not sure why he would wear it to work although other people do too.
Gary said that Steve Rossi used to come in and hug people and you'd smell like him because of the amount of cologne he'd wear.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Ronnie about the cologne thing. That's when Ronnie revealed that it was Mambo by Liz Claiborne.
Gary said that if Ronnie had just said Liz Claiborne, he probably would have been fine. Gary said it was great when Fred started playing the Mambo song. That's when you know it's over when Fred finds a song to play for something like that.
The guys also talked about Ronnie driving around with his mother listening to Bubba. They thought that was a little odd to. Gary said he knows Ronnie is a huge Bubba fan though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie is going to push this perfume and maybe sell it himself. Gary said that's the irony because they don't make the stuff anymore. He has stocked up on it though. He even keeps it in his refrigerator. The caller said that he could probably get 100,000 cases of it and sell it. The caller said Fred is the greatest for pulling out that Mambo song too.
Wolfe called in and asked Gary if he wants him to show some pictures of the Phillies championship parade to show his kids what that's like. Gary said he should be because it's going to be a long time until they win again. Gary said that it's good for the Phillies that they won. Wolfe is going to the parade tomorrow and even took off work to go down there. He said they're expecting like 3 million down there. Gary said that he can't imagine it would be that many but he's sure there will be a lot.
Jon asked Wolfe what he thinks set Ronnie off today. Wolfe said that he's got such a short fuse you can never tell what's going to set him off. He said you have to walk on egg shells around that guy.
Gary said that they have a very special guest coming in for him and he thinks that Eric will be happy about that.
A caller said that today was too much Ralph on the show. He said that this whole week has been all Ralph. Gary said that they had a good reason to have him on this week. They had an agenda with him this time.
The caller also went off on Ronnie and his attitude toward everyone. He said that he's always ready to kick people's asses there but not the people that could kick his ass.
Jon said that Ronnie doesn't like JD and now Ralph and he's not sure what it takes to get on that shit list. The caller said he needs to lighten up a little bit.
Gary said that it's kind of odd that Sal and Richard haven't been on the air that much lately. He said they're awfully quiet lately. Jon said that Halloween is coming up so Richard is probably excited about that. He didn't know about Sal though.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they think that Howard's relationship with Ralph has changed a lot since Howard got married. Gary said that they've been talking about that this week. They spent a minute on that. Then Richard and Sal showed up.
Gary said that they don't come to him and ask to go into the studio that much anymore. Sal said they're moving on and doing other things now instead of that gay stuff they were doing.
Richard said he doesn't think that Howard wants them doing stuff on the air anymore. He said he heard him saying that he didn't want them doing their own show on Howard 101 because he was afraid that they'd say something stupid that would piss him off.
Gary said that Richard will be doing a bit where he slaps a guy in the head with his dick so he's not stopping all of the gay stuff. Richard said that ''less is more'' and that's what Howard says. Gary said that's true because he is missing them lately.
Ronnie came in around then so Jon asked him about the cologne thing and the condom discussion. They also talked about the comments that Ralph made. Ronnie said he can come at him all he wants but he can leave his mother out of it. He said it was a stupid comment about his mother and he didn't like it.
Richard said Ralph did that to Doug one time and really pissed him off. Ronnie said he can take it all but he doesn't have to bring his family into it. He said there was no reason to bring her up at all.
Sal said that Ralph used Ronnie's mother as a pawn just to piss him off and it worked. Ronnie kept saying that he didn't have to do that.
Ronnie said his mother could have been sick and Ralph could have been goofing on a dying woman. He said people might think he's overreacting but he didn't like it.
Ralph called in and said he has no ill will toward Ronnie and he honestly didn't mean to direct that at his mother. Ronnie cut him off and said there was no reason for it.
Ralph said that Ronnie is an old guy and he was just saying that he thought it was surprising that his mother was still alive. Ronnie joked that he's 73 and his mother is 103. He finally accepted Ralph's apology but Ralph thought it was tough to get him to accept that apology. Ralph and Ronnie went at it for a couple of minutes before Jon let Ralph go.
A caller suggested a Craptacular between Ralph and Ronnie. He said that Ronnie could cover up the smell with his Mambo stuff. That joke didn't fly and the next caller said that wasn't funny at all. That guy said that Ronnie is as old as the Crypt Keeper. Sal laughed at that guy but no one else did.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Ralph is just on the show too much and he can't stand him. He said that's the reason he couldn't listen to the Friday show.
Benjy said that he thinks that Ralph not being there every day is one of the reasons that he's so disliked around there. Gary said he used to call Ralph a ''sniper'' because he would call in at around 9 in the morning and get his digs in and then disappear. He wasn't around to take the shit for his comments.
Artie came in around that time and said he didn't think Ralph was saying anything bad about his mother. Ronnie said he gets that but he still thinks there wasn't any reason to bring her up at all. Artie told him that it is a bad line to cross but he wouldn't hold a grudge on this one.
Jon asked Artie if that line would have crossed the line with him. Artie said that it's the way Ralph says stuff that ticks people off. He said that he might have jumped off the handle too but he really didn't think he meant anything there.
Artie said he understood why Ronnie was mad but he thought that it wasn't really that bad. Ronnie had to run after that. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Richard about the way they've been avoiding the show and if he had an explanation for why they don't go on the show. Richard said he really doesn't have an explanation. Sal said that Richard did but then said he was joking again.
Richard said he's been kicked out of the studio a few times and it's the way that Howard says ''Okay, thank you...'' and you know it's time to go.
Sal said he respects Howard and the way the show flows and they just leave it in his court. He said that they're there if he wants them there. Sal said they don't want to disrupt the way things go. He said they have a lot more people chiming in on the show lately and they're just staying out of there.
Richard said he has a theory about that and he knows he might sound crazy. He said that he thinks that Howard goes through phases and right now he's all about JD coming in. He said that a couple of years ago it was Richard and Sal. Right now he just loves JD. Sal said that they've run their course and they're out of stories so that's why they're not on the top of the list.
Richard said that there were times when JD wasn't on the air and didn't even want to be on. Right now he's working like 15 hours a day and he deserves to be on the air according to Richard.
Gary said that he knows the exact day that this switch was flipped on for JD. He said it was the day after Howard watched Napoleon Dynamite and saw that JD was just like that. Then there was the mugging story that JD told on the air one time.
Sal said he's pretty sure that Howard doesn't think about them one bit when they're off the air. Gary said that they used to come to him with the bits all the time and now they don't. Sal said that they used to come to him all the time and he asked them to back off. That's why they don't go into the studio anymore and share with Howard. He said they've been leaving themselves out more and more.
Sal said that the only reason he asked them not to come in during the breaks is because he and Will have to fill Howard in on stuff and they were spending too much time on side stories that were keeping them from getting the job done.
Richard said they get yelled at a lot for pitching stuff too. He said that Gary is the one who yells at them. Richard said that Gary tells him that he's ''password aggressive.'' The guys got a laugh out of that.
Richard said that Howard isn't as happy with doing things the way they do anymore. He said it's not like the way the show used to be in the old days when KC would come in and yell at women to show their fun bags and stuff like that. Sal said Howard treats his guests differently now.
Richard said that there was one day that they were going to go in and play AC/DC songs on guitar while they were there. Then Howard waved them all out of the studio before they made it in there. Gary said he remembers that and it was like a giant parade trying to turn around as they entered the door.
Sal said that he thinks that they spook Howard out with the stuff they do so that's why they've been avoiding coming in lately.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard what he's going to dress up as tomorrow. Richard said that he's going to dress up as King Diamond. He said that it's great that it's going to be on a Friday because it's like having 2 extra days of Halloween. He said he's going to be drinking Pumpkin beer for two days more than usual. He gets bummed out when Halloween goes away. He said he loves Christmas and he's looking forward to the Coheed and Cambria thing too.
Howard called in and asked if Richard and Sal were saying that the show has changed and they're not as crazy as they sued to be. He said that sometimes the stuff they do isn't that funny so he regulates what they do on the air. He said he wants them to pitch their ideas though and 80-90 percent of their ides are used. He's not sure why they're blaming him for this stuff.
Gary said that they think that their ideas aren't getting approved as much as they used to be. Gary said that the AC/DC thing was the one that they were talking about. Howard said that it wasn't a good time to do it when they all came marching in. He said that he had approved that bit but it wasn't the right time to do it.
Sal said that Howard has never deballed them for what they do but they're picking and choosing when they do their stuff now. Howard told him he likes that and he wanted to integrate the two guys in the show so they weren't disruptive and enjoyed it when they came in. Now they're doing things that way and he likes it.
Howard told Sal and Richard not to worry so much about what his reaction is going to be and to continue to pitch their ideas. Howard said that he can't let Sal and Richard wreak havoc over the show so he has to regulate them.
Richard said that they've done so much crazy stuff that it's getting harder to find crazy stunts they haven't done already. Howard said that's fine too. He said that if it hits them then they should do it. Sal said that they think less is more so that's what they're doing. Howard told Sal if he were that reasonable with his wife then things would be fine.
Howard got off the phone after that. Sal said that he was sweating like crazy. They had to end the show after that.