|Question||Caller Says||Stripper Answer||Correct?|
|What is Al Gore's wife's name?||N||Helen||N|
|Who discovered electricity?||N||Thomas Edison||N|
|Who found the cure for Polio?||N||Some unique doctor||N|
|How many candles are on a Minora||Twelve||N|
|What letter comes after Y in the alphabet?||Z||Y|
|Who invented the light bulb?||Thomas Edison||Y|
|How many states are in the USA?||Fifty||Y|
|What President spent more than 2 terms in office?||Kennedy||N|
|What President is on the $5 bill?||Jefferson||N|
|Who was the third President of the US?||Jefferson||Y|
|How many senators are in the Senate?||Seventy two||N|
|How many senators represent each state?||One||N|
|What is the square root of 64?||Eight||Y|
|What is the capital of California?||Los Angeles||N|
|What is the capital of New York?||Manhattan||N|
|What is the capital of Maryland?||Baltimore||N|
|What is 20% of $200?||Point two oh||N|
|What temperature is freezing?||Thirty two degrees||Y|
|Name both New York Senators.||D'Amato and.. I don't know the other||N|
|What is the sun, a moon, planet, star or plant?||Star|
|What month are taxes due?||April 15th||Y|
|How many holes are in a game of golf?||Eighteen||Y|
|How many people are in a quartet?||Four||Y|
|How did JFK Jr. Die?||He was assassinated by James Earl Ray||N|
|What food group is corn in?||It's a starch but it's considered a vegetable||Y|
|What number is Black Jack?||Eight||N|
|How many clitorises do you have?||One||Y|
|How many weeks are in a year?||Sixty four||N|
|What name is Abe short for?||Abraham||Y|
|Name the pro basketball team in New Jersey.||Knicks||N|
|How many days are in a year?||360 or maybe 362 or 364||N|
|What animal is Pork?||Pig||Y|
Howard had KC come in to talk about how he almost killed his girlfriend's dog. Howard said he lives in such a horrible place that he's got rat poison laying around the apartment. The dog ended up eating some of it. KC called a vet's office and they had him do some stuff to try and get it to puke it up. That didn't work so they had to bring it to the vet and they got the dog to puke. KC said the dog was fine for a week and then one morning they woke up and found the dog stiff as a board in bed with them. Howard thinks that the poison killed the dog but KC said that the Vet's office told him it could have been something else that killed it. Robin thinks it was the effects of the poison that killed the dog but KC refuses to take responsibility for killing it. Robin thinks it damaged the dog's liver or kidneys and slowly killed it.
KC bought his girlfriend a squeaky guitar toy from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino because he thought she was going to get another one. When he got home she didn't have a new dog but he gave her the squeaky toy anyway. KC said she's still looking to get a new dog. KC said he really did care about the dog and he's actually upset about it dying.
Howard tried getting in contact with the dog psychically as a goof. Fred played some dog barking sound effects so Howard could ''speak'' to the dog. He asked the dog, who barked once for ''yes'' and twice for ''no'', if he blames KC for his death. Of course the dog barked once. Howard also barked yes when Howard asked him if he thought KC was gay and if he's ever seen KC have gay sex.
Howard said this porn actress contacted them and told them that she takes an 18 inch stick and puts it in her ass so people can play ring toss. Doug from E! was in to tell Howard that they can have 7 people play together. Howard said they want to have everyone put up $100 each and whoever wins gets the money. Doug showed Howard the 18 inch stick that the woman uses for the game. Howard said it's a good 4 inches that she puts in her ass. All of the guys spent a few minutes talking about how they were going to play the game. They also changed the dollar amount to $50 instead of $100. After figuring all of that out Howard had the woman come in. Her name is Ally and she was really hot according to Howard. Howard told her she's better looking in person than she is in the porn movies he saw. Ally's friend Cat also came in with Ally. Howard recognized her from the porno he saw. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Ally and Cat about their lives and tried to figure out what went wrong in their lives to make them get into this stuff. The girls didn't really have anything bad to talk about though. Gary tried to find out how Ally got into porn. Ally said she and some friends just talked about it and came up with the idea.
Howard asked Ally how she was going to go about this. She said she gets on all fours and sticks the stick in her ass. Then the guys toss their rings. Howard said they'll give her lots of plugs for doing this. Gary had said they'd give her a plug each time they got a ring on the stick but Howard gave her one right away. You can check her out at ChesterMolestHer.com.
Howard described Ally getting stripped down and said she was completely shaved down. She's 5'9'' tall and weighs 125 pounds. Howard said that's what women that tall should weigh. As Ally put the stick in her ass all of the guys just went ''OH!'' as they saw it happen. Howard said he couldn't even describe what was going on. Howard then had Stuttering John go first with the rings. John tossed his 3 rings and got 2 of them on the stick. Artie was next. He also got two rings on. Gary also got two rings. Benjy was up next and got just one. Robin even got in on the ring toss. She didn't get even one on the stick. KC was next. He tossed his three rings and only got one on. Finally, Howard got up and tossed his rings. He got just one ring on so he was out of the finals. John, Artie and Gary were all in the finals so they had a toss-off. Gary was up first and didn't get any this time. Artie went up and got one ring. John was last and blew it. He missed all three so Artie was Lord of the Anal Ring Toss.
Howard spent a minute talking to Ally and gave her another plug for ChesterMolestHer.com. She said they do just about everything on the site.
Howard came back and played some of William Hung's music since he was there for his interview. Howard said he'd be coming in with his mother. They played some songs from his ''Inspiration '' CD which sold 380,000 copies. Gary told Howard that his mother would not be in, she doesn't want to be on camera. William came in a few seconds later to promote his new album ''Hung for the Holidays.'' Howard said he's much bigger in person than he is on TV.
Howard talked to William about how people seem to think that he's retarded and wondered why that is. He also wondered if his singing is supposed to be a joke or not. William said it's something he takes seriously and he does the best he can when he's performing. William said that the chances of becoming a Kelly Clarkson are not good. He said he went down to perform for American Idol because he'd won a talent contest at UC Berkeley. He believes that he's a legitimate singer and he puts a lot of effort into his singing. William told Howard how he grew up for a short time in Hong Kong before his family moved to the United States.
Howard asked William about whether or not he's had sex yet. William said he would talk to Howard about that later. Robin asked him if he's kissed a girl yet. He said he did do that once he got famous. Howard said that some people think that William is not a smart guy but he's actually a smart dude. He was studying to be an engineer when all of this fame hit him. Howard had a few questions to ask him about engineering. He first asked him what type of demolition is used to collapse a building inwards. William didn't know but Robin knew it was Implosion. Howard asked him another question about GPS that he didn't know the answer to. Howard asked him a question about the longest bridge and William said that he wasn't ready for a test this morning. He was able to answer a question about how many degrees a right angle is so Howard kind of let him off the hook after that.
Howard talked to William about his girl situation. William said that he has to find a girl that likes him for who he is, not because he's famous. Howard wondered if he would date Paris Hilton if she wanted to date him. William said he's not sure but he is able to make his own decisions about stuff like that. He's 22 years old and his mother just helps him and guides him in his career. Howard wondered why he didn't want to kiss Jenny McCarthy on stage at some award show. William wasn't familiar with that event so Howard had to fill him in. William said that was actually a rumor and it wasn't the reason he refused to do that show. He said that it had to do with him not wanting to make people think he gambles.
Howard was asking William about what he wears to bed but that was getting a little too personal. Howard asked him if he's ever touched himself. William said that was a little too personal and he didn't want to go there with Howard. Howard asked him what chicks he thinks about. He said that he likes Kelly Hu and Michelle Kwan but he also likes all kinds of other women. He would like to be married and have kids some day, when it's time. Howard wondered who the first girl was that he kissed once he got famous. William said that it's usually the women who kiss him first, he doesn't do it himself. Howard figures that he's never tongue kissed a girl and he was right. Howard said they need to bring him to Scores. He asked William about watching porn and William said he has seen some porn but he just watches it and enjoys it in his mind. Howard figured he was lying about that though. Fred played some porn audio clips and William asked him to stop. He asked Howard to change subjects because there are so many other things to talk about.
Howard asked William about a deal he could have had in Las Vegas where he would only have to sing two songs on stage and he'd be making $10,000. William said that was true but the rumors about him getting death threats were not true. William is trying to maintain a healthy image and he didn't want to perform at certain night clubs out there in Vegas. Howard wondered what kind of deal William has with his mother because there have been kids who get ripped off by their parents in the past. William says that all of that stuff is personal and confidential. He said he trusts his mother and it's a family business. He said there are not many agents out there that he'd trust.
William said that he has done some commercials for Wal-Mart and some other places. That's one reason he has to keep a clean image. Howard asked him if he's ever seen a Playboy. William said that he's only seen it on TV and that was about it. Howard asked him if he's ever seen a woman's private parts. William asked ''What do you mean?'' and asked Howard to stop there. He wasn't comfortable with those questions. Howard told William that he watches porno all the time and he pulls his pants down and has some fun. He was just being honest with William and he can't believe that William doesn't pleasure himself. William said he wants to stop talking about that stuff to protect his image.
Howard gave William a couple of plugs for his new album ''Hung for the Holidays'' and for the William Hung bobble head that's also out today. Artie told William that ''Hung for the Holidays'' is the name of a porn movie. Howard told him that it is a play on a sexual term. William doesn't believe that's the case though. They also pointed out that the song ''She Bangs'' is also about sex so they are surprised that he would sing about something like that. William will also be signing copies of his new CD at the FYE on 6th Ave. This afternoon.
Howard took some phone calls for William. One guy said he'd rather see William perform over all of those other American Idol people like Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken. Howard asked William if he thinks that Clay Aiken likes girls or boys. William said that was it and he didn't want to talk about other people like that. William said that he likes girls himself and only has guys as friends. Sal the Stockbroker called in as a listener and asked William how much it would cost to launder a couple of shirts. Howard hung up on him and told him that was wrong. Howard asked William to say a few things in Cantonese but he refused to say a couple of the suggested lines. Zolar called in and asked William if he's ever been tested for mongoloidism because he is a retard. Howard hung up on him a short time after that.
Howard asked William which song he'd like played off of his new album. William said that he would like to hear ''Winter Wonderland.'' Howard played the song and Artie laughed as he heard it. Howard told William he should remake the song ''I Like Bukkake.'' William said that's one he will not do because he's trying to become a legitimate singer. Artie told him he had a perfect name for his band... ''Chink Floyd.'' Howard asked him if he would do a porn movie if he was offered a million bucks. William said he would never do anything like that for any amount of money. Howard asked him what his favorite TV show is right now. William said that he likes ''The Amazing Race.'' Howard and William also talked about a few other shows including ''American Idol.'' William said he watches the show to see what else they're going to come up with on that show. Howard asked William what his real name is because William is his American name. William said that his real name is Hung Hing Chang. The guys said they'd rather have him go by that name.
Howard asked William for his thoughts on Fred the Elephant Boy's cover of ''It's the End of the World.'' William said that he's not a judge and he doesn't play the role that Simon Cowell plays. He said that everyone has different styles and he just wouldn't bad mouth Elephant Boy. Hook Nose Mike called in a short time later and told Howard to give William his own radio show on Sirius. Howard said he would do that and said that he will talk to his mother about that. Howard said they could call it ''Hanging out with Hung'' or something like that. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after giving William a few more plugs for his new album. Howard tried to get him to come over and sit on his lap but William passed. Howard had a little bit of fun making gay jokes and coming on to him as if he were attracted to him. William seemed kind of uncomfortable so Howard told him he was just joking around. He took a break a short time later.
After the commercials Howard had the edited version of the Tom Brokaw news report where they fixed the Bukkake reference. They had his report with the corrected city name of Buchalki in there. Howard replayed the original live version as well to compare the two.
Howard got a letter from someone who told him that his name is on some kind of prayer calendar. He is the focus of tens of thousands of people who pray for him every day. They were asking Howard to appear at this event where they would pray for him in person. Howard read through the letter and said that they gave him a number to call if he wanted to find out more. Howard said they may just have to make that call later on.
Howard said this guy Vincent Gallo once prayed for someone to get cancer and it worked. There were some other things that he quickly mentioned before Vincent came in and cursed on the air. Howard told him he can't use that word on the air and warned him about certain other words as well. Howard and Vincent went on to talk about an interview that Vincent did one time with the NY Times. They were supposed to let him see the final product and use a picture they supplied. The woman, that Vincent called a witch, made some changes so he ended up wishing cancer on her. Howard said that actually worked when he wished cancer on Roger Ebert and he ended up getting cancer. Gallo said that Ebert is a nice guy and it's nice to see him on a better diet now. Vincent called Ebert a fat pig after he got a bad review on a movie and then wished cancer upon him. On the Ebert and Roeper show they bashed this movie of his ''The Brown Bunny'' and really bashed it. Even Vincent said some stuff about the movie not being all that good. Vincent said he actually talked about how he made the movie for himself and it was kind of self indulgent.
Vincent Gallo got so upset with Roger Ebert about the things he said that he wished cancer upon him. Vincent said that many things that he has wished for, both good and bad, have actually come through. Vincent also went off on this guy up in Buffalo who calls himself Sandy Beach who has given him bad reviews.
Roger Ebert was on the phone to talk to Vincent about this whole cancer thing. Ebert said that he heard that Vincent has bad aim because he was trying to give him colon cancer but missed and gave him prostate cancer instead. Vincent and Roger have made up since the whole cancer thing but Vincent still dislikes the review he got from Roeper. It was a line about the movie being like a steaming pile of excrement is what got to him. Ebert said that he did see ''The Brown Bunny'' in 2003 and it was the worst film he'd seen at the time. Vincent has edited it since then and cut out 26 minutes of the movie. Ebert said he didn't miss one minute of it.
Howard asked Vincent what he thinks is the worst movie ever made. He heard that Vincent has even bad mouthed Robert De Niro. Vincent told Howard that he has inspired many bad actors and that's what he has said. He said Ed Norton is one of those clones. They were all over the place talking about other actors like Leonardo DiCaprio who Vincent once called the best looking chick around.
Roger told Howard that Vincent's comments about him really didn't bother him all that much. He knows that there are other actors out there who feel that way. Sean Penn once wrote him a letter defending one of his performances and he appreciated getting the letter from him because he was letting him know how he felt without just calling him names. Roger said you can see their review of Vincent's new movie on Ebert and Roeper this weekend. Howard let him go after that and got back to Vincent.
Howard talked to Vincent about how he likes feeling alone and won't get married. Howard believes that he doesn't really like women all that much although he does get laid a lot. There's a lot of controversy about his new movie because he has Chloe Sevigny giving him real oral in a sex scene. Howard just wanted to know if it was good oral. There were a few delay hits during this discussion so we missed out on some of it. Vincent did say that they did more than one take for the sex scene though.
Howard read through some of the notes he had about Vincent about how he screwed up his back so bad that he has trouble sleeping and has screwed up some relationships with some friends of his. He is friends with Johnny Ramone and kind of screwed up his relationship with him. Johnny is sick now and Vincent feels bad about that but he just didn't have enough time to spend with the guy.
Howard brought up some other names like Christina Ricci. Vincent has said some stuff about her being drunk on the set and how much better she was when she wasn't drunk. Vincent also said she was like a puppet and she did what he said when he made the movie ''Buffalo 66'' with her. He even called her the C-word. Vincent said she had a miserable publicist who wanted her to promote another film at the time instead of his movie. Vincent called James Cameron a pig at some point but even Vincent didn't remember doing that. He once called Quentin Tarantino an asshole. He motioned with his fingers that Tarantino smokes weed and said he does it all day and night.
Howard read that Vincent once made out with Darryl Hannah. Vincent said that was about all they did. He thinks she's really pretty but a little too tall for him. He also dated Paris Hilton. He said that she's the greatest and she's very sexual. He made a movie with her about 5 years ago and she looked great at the time. He said that she's the sweetest girl of all time in his opinion. Howard wondered why he didn't stay with her. Vincent said he just wasn't in love with her.
Howard asked Vincent about where he lives because he read that he refuses to leave the 300 square foot apartment he lives in now. Vincent said he owns about $7 million worth of real estate and lives in this 300 square foot apartment because he's been there so long. Howard wanted to get political with Vincent. He asked him about George W and why he's backing his administration. Vincent said there are some bright people in his administration but Howard couldn't believe that he was saying that.
Howard gave Vincent a plug for his movie ''The Brown Bunny'' that opens this weekend. Vincent told people to vote for Bush this November but Howard said that he wants people to vote for Kerry. The two of them differ on that stuff. Howard only spent a few seconds on that and then took some phone calls. A woman from Buffalo called in and got Vincent so pissed at her that he wouldn't stop with the S-word. Howard and Artie had to yell at him to stop. The delay was hit a couple of times during that. Howard asked Vincent about living up in Buffalo and about his parents who live up there.
Gary came in and told Howard that Vincent was a chronic masturbator when he was younger. Vincent said that he was actually arrested for that at one time when he was caught outside beating off. He tried to explain to Howard about what he did back then but the delay hits were coming left and right so we didn't hear much of this conversation. Vincent told the story about how he was caught by the cops beating off and how his father beat him for 9 days after that. He was told that he ruined the family so he was no longer allowed to be happy. After all of that Vincent never whacked off to any women out in public again. He said his mother never looked at him the same way again after that though.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she doesn't know much about Vincent but she does kind of like him after reading about him. She was wondering what was up with him picking Cheryl Tiegs for his movie. He said making out with her was one of the highlights of his life. The guys also talked about Angelica Houston and how horrible she was.
Howard let a few more callers through. A couple of people had some nice things to say about Vincent. There were also a couple of people who don't like the guy and let him know. One guy told Howard to ask Vincent about Christina Ricci peeing on the set of the movie. Vincent said it wasn't on the set, it was at a restaurant in the middle of the floor. Vincent said that he heard from the crew members and the restaurant owner that she had done that but he didn't see it first hand.
Howard had Vincent go off on a few people that he hates. He had a whole list of about 10 people that he hates. He went off on all of these reporters and some other people calling them names. Vincent was also talking about a reporter from Page Six who he may just curse with cancer. He said it feels great to get that stuff out there and he would love to have a radio show where he could do that every day. Howard has wished cancer upon people in the past and has gotten into trouble with that. Most recently he wished cancer upon Lowry Mays and it seems to be working. Howard told Vincent that he can call in anytime he wants to wish cancer upon someone. He then started to wrap up the segment and gave Vincent a plug for his movie ''The Brown Bunny'' again. The movie opens this weekend and you get to see Vincent getting oral from Chloe Sevigny. Howard went to break after that.
Howard goofed on Gary about the pictures he was looking at because his girlfriend was working on a sand sculpture and this guy is standing there nude with his penis right near her face. Gary said that everyone told him he should go to that beach when he was there so that's why he went. There were some gay guys there who had rubbed some grey clay all over their bodies.
Gary said that the people there at the beach aren't all good looking. They're mostly older women and men. He went on to tell Howard about how he took his pants off and laid down on his stomach. Then a fly started flying around his ass so he put his pants back on. Howard and Robin started goofing on him about that as soon as they heard it. Howard quickly upped the number from 1 fly to 35 flies flying up his ass. Howard was making fun of him saying that it was hilarious that he had a bunch of flies on his ass. Gary corrected him and said it was just one.
Fred started to play some swarm sounds to make it sound like there were a bunch of flies around. Howard told him to play that every time he comes in there from then on. Howard said that he's surprised that the flies picked his ass and not his mouth.
Howard went off on Gary for telling someone about something that was supposed to be private. While he was yelling at him Fred played the swarming flies sound effect. Howard said he was going to call Gary to yell at him over the weekend but he held off. He asked Gary to keep some things private and not tell everyone what kind of stuff he has going on. He went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard talks to Gilbert about being sick one time and how he had to be asked to mention his name on the show because no one was paying any attention to him. Howard has Robin start her news but Gilbert and Artie start doing impressions and goofing around about the stories so Robin can barely get her stories out. Gilbert was throwing out a bunch of racist remarks that had Artie laughing his ass off.
Chaunce Hayden called in and brought up the story about Gilbert being in the hospital and how he ran a story about it in Steppin' Out. Howard talked about that a little more and how he got Richard Belzer and Penn and Teller to go see him. Chaunce said that Gilbert was really upset with Howard back then because he wasn't helping him out enough. Howard said he did plenty for him though. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Gilbert started doing his Racist Pope impression and threw in a bunch of racist comments in the middle of the news. Artie was laughing his ass off again while Howard seemed to be trying to tone him down a little bit. Gilbert would interrupt every story. Howard took some phone calls during the news and one woman said that she almost peed her pants laughing so hard at Gilbert. Howard told her that he'd defecated in his pants.
Gilbert did his Pope impression again and had some fun goofing around with that. He was throwing the N-word around a little bit during the news so Howard wondered if he's the only comic out there who uses that word. Gilbert kept doing his racist Pope stuff throughout the rest of Robin's news segment. Robin would read a story and Gilbert would find something to goof on as the racist Pope.
The guy who gave Howard the name of the Wayne Rogers movie asked if he could play the homeless game as a reward for his help. Howard agreed and let him play. This time it was Lisa the blind Playmate who was on the show March 17. They gave her the homeless questions and it turned out to be pretty interesting. Here's the first warm-up question:
|Question||Caller Says||Playmate Answer||Correct Answer?|
|How many wheels on a tricycle?||Y||Three||Y|
|Can you name one Poultry.||Y||Chicken||Y|
|Who fought the Civil War?||N||George Washington||N|
After the caller played everyone else in the studio bet on the game. Howard was losing every bet he made. He was down $400 to Jackie by the end of the game. It turned out that everyone but Howard was given the answers so they could play an April Fools joke on Howard. It worked perfectly and freaked Howard out. He told them he'd get them back next year. Here are the questions:
|Name one country that fought against the US in World War II.||Germany||Y|
|Who wrote ''Mein Kampf''?||Abe Lincoln||N|
|Who was the first president of the US?||Don Cherry||N|
|What president is on the 1 dollar bill?||George Washington||Y|
|What president is on the 5 dollar bill?||Abe Lincoln||Y|
|What is 10 percent of 100?||Ten||Y|
|What is 20 percent of 200?||Twenty||N|
|Who is buried in Grant's tomb?||King Tut/Grant||N/Y|
|What is an aluminum can made of?||Aluminum||Y|
|Who wrote ''Tom Sawyer''?||Mark Twain||Y|
|Who wrote ''The Catcher In The Rye''?||Dahl||N|
|Fill in the blank.. The ___ Stooges.||Three||Y|
|What is the square root of 81?||Four||N|
|How many sides on a rectangle?||Four||Y|
|How many pints are in a quart?||One||N|
|How many inches are in a foot?||Sixteen||N|
|How many feet in a yard?||Twelve||N|
|How many centimeters in a meter?||No idea||N|
|Canada is north or south of the US?||North||Y|
|How many states are in the US?||Fifty two||N|
Howard came back from break and played a Wendy the Retard song parody and a Daniel Carver song parody to get everyone in the mood for the Wack Pack Family Feud. Howard then started the game and said that there's actually a $10,000 prize for the winning family. Earlier he'd said it was only $5,000. He went on to introduce Wendy's mother Joyce and her sister Becca. Howard spent a few seconds speaking to each of the family members. Howard heard some noise coming from somewhere and found out it was actually Wendy's radio which she was using to record the show. Howard found out that Becca is 18 years old and works at McDonalds doing just about every job there. She said that she has dealt with some really rude customers and that tends to ruin her work day. Wendy likes that because she gets half off at the restaurant. Becca said that her sister gets to be kind of annoying sometimes.
Howard moved on to Daniel Carver's family after that. He said hello to Daniel's wife Darlene who has been married to him for 37 years now. Howard then spoke to Daniel Carver Jr., Daniel's son. Daniel Jr. Has a son so there are three Daniels in the family. Gary asked Daniel if he has been dying his hair lately because it looked kind of dark. Daniel said that's not the case and he's not dying it. Gary also said that Daniel is very confident that they will win this game today since they are up against one retarded woman and her family. Daniel Jr. Has a lot of hate, just like his father. He called himself ''nig*** hater, agitator number 2'' just like his father is. Howard wondered if there were any years when Jr. rebelled against his father and actually liked black people. Daniel and Jr. Said that they both watch black comedians and make fun of them so they have watched ''The Jeffersons'' and shows like that over the years. Darlene said that they've raised their kids to stick with their own race and to never stray from that. Jr. Said that if they have a black mail delivery person, they have to stay at the end of the driveway and not come up to the house. Gary asked the family what they would do if their house caught fire and a black fireman showed up first. They all said that they'd rather let it burn. Howard asked the family what they think about the hurricane disaster. Daniel and his family seem to think that it was God cleaning up New Orleans. Jr. was even more hateful and said that if God liked the blacks down there, he would have gotten them their help sooner than 3 days after the disaster.
Scott DePace called in and asked Daniel if he would save Robin if she was drowning. Daniel said he would save anything from drowning, a dog, Robin, whatever. Darlene said that she would let her drown but Jr. Said that he would drag her out and keep dragging her along the pavement for a little while. Howard said it was interesting that Daniel Sr. Seems to be more compassionate than the rest of his family. Darlene said that she's so hateful that she wouldn't even let Robin save her if she was on fire. The guys think that Daniel has a bit of a soft spot for Robin since he's gotten to know her over the years. Darlene said that he's just waiting for her to get old enough to die.
Wendy told Howard that they have another hurricane in the Florida area this week and she's hoping that they don't have to cancel her Olympics this weekend. Howard cut her off and asked Darlene to rate the races for him since they do that with Daniel. She said that she finds the nig***s to be worse than the Jews but Daniel thinks that the Jew is the Devil so they're even lower than the nig***. Jr. was saying that he finds the darker the skin, the worse they are so the Jews rate lower on his list.
Howard was going to move on to the game but Wendy wanted to get in a plug for someone she met on the street yesterday. Howard told her they were playing the game and he wasn't going there. He had Wendy and Daniel go up to the buzzers so they could get started. The first category was ''What's the worst thing to call a Jew?'' Daniel came in with the buzz first so he said ''Kike'' and got the number one answer. The Carvers decided to play. Darlene said ''Devil'' as the next name but it wasn't on the board. Daniel Jr. Said ''a Christ Killer'' but that wasn't on the board either. Daniel was up again and said ''Jew Boy'' which wasn't on the board so Wendy's family took over. Wendy blurted out ''Fag.'' The family came up with ''Jew Bastard'' but that wasn't on the board. The Carver family kept the points. Howard read the rest of the names on the list and they were ''Hebe,'' ''Dirty Jew'' and ''Cheap.''
The second category was ''Name an occupation a retarded person can do.'' It was Joyce and Darlene up at the buzzer and Joyce came in with Grocery Bagger but Darlene said ''McDonalds'' and got ''fast food employee'' which was the number 1 answer. The Carvers took it and played for the win. Daniel Jr. was asked for another answer. He said it was tough to come up with something like that. He said ''Special Olympics.'' That wasn't on the board. Daniel Sr. was up next and said ''Door Greeter'' and got it. They went to Darlene again and she said ''Window washer'' but it wasn't on the board. Daniel Jr. Said ''Janitor'' and got another one right. Daniel Sr. was up and said ''Movie Star'' and got the third wrong answer so they threw it over to Wendy's family. Wendy said ''Bowl'' and her family couldn't come up with the correct answer so they lost the points again. It turned out ''Bus Boy'' was the final answer on the board.
The third category was ''Name a black person that acts white.'' Becca and Daniel Jr. were up at the buzzer and Daniel came in with Jesse Jackson but didn't get it. Becca said ''Michael Jackson'' who also wasn't up there. Daniel said ''Bill Cosby'' and didn't get that either. Becca didn't have another answer so they had to go to another question. Howard said the names on the list were Bryant Gumble, Colin Powell, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Al Roker and Wayne Brady.
Howard moved on to another question which was ''What's the worst thing to call a black person?'' Daniel Jr. Said ''Nig***'' which was the number one answer. They took the category and decided to play. Dan Sr. Said ''Boy'' and got another one. Darlene said ''Black'' and missed one! Dan Jr. Said ''Coon'' and got another one right. Dan Sr. Said ''Porch Monkey'' and got another one right. Darlene went again and said ''Bubble Lip'' and missed another one. Junior said ''Jigaboo'' and missed another one. Wendy's family got the chance to take it but they don't have as much hate in them so they couldn't come up with anything other than ''Fag'' which came from Wendy. They gave an answer of ''Dog'' but that wasn't even close. The Carver family took it all. The answers they were looking for were ''Jungle Bunny'' and ''Eggplant.'' Howard was kind of sad because he was looking for Wendy's family to take home some money. The $10,000 prize was courtesy of the movie ''The Man'' and when Daniel Jr. Heard that, he thanked Samuel L. Jackson for the contribution to the Ku Klux Klan since Jackson is in the movie. Gary asked Daniel Jr. what he thinks about gay people. He said that it's the worst thing humans can do and he would prefer not to be in the same room with a gay person. They were asking about that because Mark Harris had come in and was pacing the halls just waiting to blast these people. Howard gave Wendy's family some prizes but nothing close to the ten grand they missed out on.
The guys brought in Mark Harris who is a gay man himself. He came in and said some things about the family that could be a bit libelous. The Carvers said that being gay is illegal because sodomy is illegal. Junior was going off on Mark about being gay and said that he would open up a 55 gallon drum of whoop ass on any gay guy that came on to him. The Carvers and Mark went back and forth arguing about whether or not being gay was okay or not. Howard asked Daniel if he would take a kiss from Mark Harris if they promised to get rid of all of the people they hate after the kiss. Daniel's wife said she would kill her husband if he did something like that.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and one woman asked why they keep letting the Carver family win money on the show. Artie lost a football pool to Daniel and Daniel took home $25,000 thanks to that loss. Now he's taking home another ten thousand today. Howard was about to go to break but Wendy and her sister were giving shout outs to everyone they know and giving plugs for some guys they ran into on the street. After spending a few minutes doing that they wrapped up and went to commercial break.
Howard had 3 guys come in to play a game of Queen for a Day to win a trip to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch were prostitution is legal. The winner gets to have sex with a whore. One of the whores from the ranch came in to show the guys what they can win. Dixie Cupps was the whore who came in and Howard was very surprised at how hot looking she was. He was surprised that she was a whore. He spent quite a while interviewing her about how much money she can make at this Bunny Ranch place. He tried to find out how much it costs to do certain acts but she said it all depends on the guy and if she's attracted to him or not. She told Howard that she'd charge Artie Lange $300 to give him oral. She said in every sex act the guy has to wear a rubber. Dixie told Howard that she has a pretty normal life outside of the whore stuff. She has an 8 year old son, but no one wanted to hear that, and she owns her own 37 acre blueberry farm. Dixie went on to tell Howard about how she started out doing this stuff when she was 18 years old after going to a strip club to ask about getting implants. She also filled everyone in on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch and how they have 40 to 50 girls to choose from when you go there. Each one has a bedroom where they take their guys to bang. You can find out more about the ranch at BordelloConfidential.com
Howard tried to get into the game but contestant number one, John the Stutterer, had a problem with this guy James who is a paraplegic. Apparently the two of them got into an altercation in the green room. John tried to explain what happened but he was stuttering up a storm so bad it took him 5 minutes to get the story out. He said that James had asked him if he wanted to have sex with him and then he defended Yucko the clown about being a child molester so John called him a ''fag'' and they got into an argument. Howard kept interrupting John so he kept stuttering more and more and kept starting his sentences over again and again. It was crazy.
Howard said John the Stutterer's problem was obvious to everyone so he didn't need to explain much more about why he should win this game. The second contestant was this guy James who's in a wheelchair. He ended up telling Howard he'd forfeit the win to Yucko the Clown because he can't feel anything below his waist anyway. The only reason he was on the show was to find funding for a vehicle he could drive with his mouth like he does with his wheelchair.
The third contestant was this 21 year old virgin Alex who is just over weight. He says he tries everything to lose weight and get chicks but he just can't do it. He even has some big man-boobs that look really odd because he doesn't have any chest hair. Everyone said he looks like a chick.
After quickly going through each one of the contestants Howard made his decision and had everyone else convinced of the same conclusion. Alex is young and good looking enough to get a chick on his own if he just tries a little harder. James the paraplegic doesn't want the win so he's out too. Howard said that even though John the Stutterer has gotten laid once in his life, there's little chance of that happening again. So it was a unanimous vote for John the Stutterer to win the trip to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch bordello. John the Stutterer was stuttering and stammering up a storm like he's rarely done in past appearances. He seemed to be upset about the whole name calling thing with James which made his stutters longer and more intense than usual.
Dixie Cupps ended up getting naked to show the losers what they lost out on. She had giant breasts and a tattoo of a banjo on her ass according to what everyone was saying. She said she's a country girl and that's why she got the banjo tattoo. John the Stutterer said that he's going to have sex with her if he can when he gets out to the Bunny Ranch.
Howard went over some of the details about Mr. Blackwell's book and talked about the stuff he's had to deal with in his life. They went on and on about Mr. Blackwell's book. Billy West started doing his Carey Grant impression after Blackwell brought up the name. He was goofing on him a little bit with that stuff.
Howard recently mentioned that he read an article about a guy who slept with a dolphin. The guy came in to be interviewed this morning. He was disguised when he came in of course. The guy was a little bit strange to say the least. He explained how he ''made love'' to a dolphin in some shallow pool down in Key West Florida. He said that he had to ''bond'' with the dolphin before getting laid. Some woman called in during the interview and said that the guy was the publisher of the magazine that the article was written in and that he was just scamming Howard. The guy denied it though, so who knows. It was a very strange segment all together. If it was April 1st I'd say that it was a joke...
Howard recently mentioned that he read an article about a guy who slept with a dolphin. The guy came in to be interviewed this morning. He was disguised when he came in of course. The guy was a little bit strange to say the least. He explained how he ''made love'' to a dolphin in some shallow pool down in Key West Florida. He said that he had to ''bond'' with the dolphin before getting laid. Some woman called in during the interview and said that the guy was the publisher of the magazine that the article was written in and that he was just scamming Howard. The guy denied it though, so who knows. It was a very strange segment all together. If it was April 1st I'd say that it was a joke...
They ended the Mammary Lane show around 1:10pm.
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Her name was Zenaida Perez and she claimed that she could dance as well as sing. She wanted to hear some Marky Mark or ''Right Said Fred'' music to dance to. Gary told her that she might want to ask for something from the last 20 years. After she danced Howard said that she needs to lose another 15 pounds. She agreed to do that. It turned out she was lying about her age and Howard was able to get her to admit that she was actually 27 and not the early 20s that she was claiming.
Howard heard that she sent her pictures to the Ford modeling agency and they sent them back to her. She told Howard that she sent them back to them again and wants to prove that she's good looking enough to be a model. Howard told Zenaida that he's going to put her picture up on the web site today and let the fans rate her. He told her that she's too heavy to be a model. She seems to think that she can be a model if she can lose a few more pounds.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Howard to have her take her top off. She refused to do it and said she's not confident enough to do something like that. Howard told her that she'd have to do stuff like that when she models. Howard sent her off to get her pictures taken a short time later so Robin could start her news.
Howard asked Robin if they should have the band Jet on the show. He played a couple of songs from their CD to let her know what they do. Artie was having some fun goofing around with the songs that he was playing. Fred was also throwing in some sound effects and goofing on their stuff a little bit. Howard thought they were rockin' pretty good in the songs through.
Richie from E! came in and told Howard that Zenaida was out in the hall crying because someone called up interested in her. Howard had them bring her back in so he could talk to her while she was in tears. She cried a little more but then started telling Howard that she was told she wouldn't be able to get back on the air and then she heard that someone called in and said they might be willing to give her a chance at modeling. That's when she broke down and cried. She said she hates her life up in Haverhill and this is giving her the chance to make it. She was still crying and talking hysterically as she was explaining what was going on. Howard started to sing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' to her as this was going on. For some reason Zenaida kept telling the guys that she is a ''real'' person. She kept using that line over and over again.
Howard took a call from Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) who was pretending to be a record company exec by the name of Tobey Stevens. He told Zenaida not to sign with anyone else because they wanted her. He goofed on her for a short time before Howard hung up on him.
Robin wondered where Zenaida's boyfriend was. Howard said that he's taking a rest somewhere. Artie said ''He's removing his ears.'' Zenaida thanked Howard for giving her a shot on the air for the first time. They ushered her out of the studio again so Robin could get back to her news. Gary interrupted again and wondered what was up with Jet. Howard said he guesses that they could have them on but didn't seem to care either way. Howard was playing a Bruce Hornsby song, ''Way It Is'' and said it really touched him when he heard it over the weekend. He told Gary that if Jet could perform that song, they could come on. Howard also talked about this guy Steve Earle who did a song called ''F The CC'' but there were too many F-words in the song to play it on the air. He played a few other clips from his CD because he liked one of his songs. He wasn't able to find the song that he'd been listening to earlier so he bailed out on it and had Robin continue with her news.
Howard came back from break and said that he heard that Pamela Anderson was there and she was wearing a green teddy. He fluffed up his hair and had the guys bring her in a short time later. Howard told her it was the best she'd ever looked. Artie could only say ''Oh my god!'' as she walked in. Pam had some hair extensions in for some reason so Howard pointed that out. Pam was out of breath when she came in for some reason. She said that she took some Trim Spa to see if she could get a little more energy from that.
Howard said Pam's book got a great review in the paper today. He said that she's a good writer and his girlfriend had noticed that in her Jane magazine column. Pam said she just writes in stream of conscious and sends it in and they print it the way she wrote it. Howard asked Pam if her implants had been made smaller or something. She said they weren't and said that she thinks that they're half under and half over the muscle. Howard was trying to work his way into feeling them up but Pam wasn't falling for it. Howard bailed out on that and got back to her book.
Howard explained that Pam wrote this book ''Star : A Novel'' where she writes the story as this woman Star, but it's really Pam's life she's writing about. That way she can call it fiction and write about stuff that has happened in her life without getting in trouble with anyone. Howard read one of the reviews about the book and how she changes the stories around just enough so she doesn't get in trouble. Pam told Howard that the story he was reading about someone he thought was Scott Baio was about a few people, not just Scott.
Howard asked Pam if she's having sex these days. She said she just had sex the other day and she's dating guys regularly. Howard got back to the book and asked Pam about the Scott Baio thing. Pam insisted that Scott was fabulous and the story he was reading wasn't about him. He said that it appears that Scott was premature in bed but Pam kept saying that wasn't the case. Howard then moved on to another story about John Peters and how she went to his mansion and was offered so many gifts that she had to run off. Pam thought that she had gone over some of this stuff on his show but Howard said she hadn't. Pam talked about the gifts that she was offered when she first came to town. She said she was also shocked when she came to the U.S. That the guy also wanted sex after he gave her all of these gifts. Pam said that she eventually went back to one of the guy's houses and lived there but she said that she never had sex with the guy. Pam said she's still friends with John Peters and he's a neighbor of hers now.
Pam seemed to think that Howard was ruining some of the book by talking about some of this stuff. In one part of the book Howard read that she talks about this character Star dating someone who appears to be Sylvester Stallone. Pam said that the stuff in the book is made up stuff but it was inspired by stuff that has happened to her in her life. Howard gave a quick synopsis of what he thought were the real stories in Pam's book. She was still saying that it was fiction and the stories weren't necessarily true. Howard said that the book was a completely parallel life to her real life.
Howard read a section about a guy who he thinks was Bret Michaels from the band Poison. In the book Star walks into the room and sees this guy in an orgy with a bunch of women. Pam did answer some of the questions as if the stories were true. Howard noticed that Pam was nervous around him so she asked him why that was. Pam said that she thought that he was cute and that scared her for some reason. Howard wanted to hook her up to the lie detector to find out if that was true. Howard sent her off to the green room where Ed Torian was waiting to hook her up to the polygraph machine.
Howard told Ed that he hopes his head doesn't explode when this happens. Howard listened in as Ed was hooking her up to the machine. He said that Pam looked really annoyed by the whole thing. Ed was having trouble getting the strap around Pam's huge breasts according to Howard. Pam said that she didn't want to answer more than one question for some reason. Howard told her he was going to ask her a bunch and if she wanted to answer then she could. He gave her a couple of plugs for her book ''Star : A Novel'' and the book signings she was doing today for the book.
Pam said that she finds Howard sexy and he didn't believe her. That's why he wants to test her. A short time later Ed started his test and got Artie laughing when he asked Pam if her first name was Pamela Anderson. They wrote down the question wrong for him so that's why it was screwed up. Ed asked her questions like ''Have you ever done a colored guy?'' and ''Have you ever called anyone a nig*er?'' Pam said she has slept with a black guy and she has never called anyone the N-word. Ed also asked her about finding Howard sexy and if she would ever have sex with him. She would never have sex with him but she does find him sexy. Ed had some trouble with the pronunciations with some of the names. She said ''no'' when Ed asked her if she'd ever have sex with Howard if he lived on the West coast. She said that she loves sex, she has never had sex with girls and she's never had a threesome. She also said that she didn't want to have sex with Howard the night they were at Scores together. Pam said she has not had sex with Tommy Lee in the last 3 months. She has had sex with Kid Rock in the past 3 months because he's a nice guy.
Ed asked Pam if she's had sex with more than 10 guys in the last year. She said no to that one. She said that Kid Rock and Tommy Lee are about even when it comes to the package. Gary had Ed ask her about the Tommy Lee and Kid Rock penis thing again. She ended up saying that they're just ''different.'' Ed asked Pam if she has ever smelled her finger after picking her ass. She said she's never done that and she also said that she doesn't think that Howard is ugly. The final question was if she had ever had anal. She said yes to that.
Howard had Pam come back in the studio while Ed figured out the results. A phone caller asked if he could date her. Howard told the guy that she's not going to date him and hung up on him. Another caller asked Pam what was up with Angie Everhart and Pam. They were on the E! show recently but Pam didn't even remember all of that stuff.
Ed Torian came in and gave the results of the test. He said she was deceptive on some of the questions. Pam said that she told the truth on all of those questions. Ed told her that she was deceptive on her name but that was a confusing one. She was truthful about sleeping with black guys. She says it was just one guy, not a few. It was a long time ago and she said no one would know him. Ed said that she was deceptive on the N-word question. Pam said that she may have used the word but has never called someone that name. Ed told Howard that Pam has been turned on by Howard. She said that she got a kiss from him one time and he had soft lips. She was turned on by that. Howard told her that she's never been out with a guy like him. He wondered why they couldn't date at some point. Ed went on to say that Pam was deceptive when she said she'd never sleep with Howard. Howard said that must be why she can't even look at him.
Howard had Ed continue with his rest results. She was deceptive when she said that Tommy Lee was not stupid. She said she loved sex and was truthful on that one. Howard said that he loves that she loves sex. She thought that everyone loved sex. Howard told her about this Tara Wakelin who said she doesn't enjoy it at all. Ed continued and said that Pam was deceptive on the question about having sex with girls. She said she has kissed some but never had sex. Ed told her it was the same thing. Ed also said she was deceptive on the question about the night she was with Howard at Scores. Howard knew that he could have taken advantage of that situation and he blew it.
Pam was deceptive about Scott Baio not being quick in bed according to Ed. Howard gave Pam a couple more plugs for the book signings Pam is doing today and let Ed continue. Ed said that she was truthful about Tommy and Kid Rock. Ed finished up his test results and said that she was truthful on a couple more of the questions she was asked.
A caller asked Howard if Pam was stupid for sitting through all of those questions. Howard said that Pam is just a great sport and she's a lot of fun so that's why she did that for them. Pam spent a little more time talking about her book and how she's not even on the cover of some of the books that are carried at Wal-Mart because they refused to carry it.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and told Howard that he really blew it that night at Scores. He was there that night and saw what was going on. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about how he'd love to have been able to bang her. They talked about the sex tape that she was in with Tommy Lee and how good she was at giving oral and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that and gave Pam a couple more plugs before going to break.
Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about Eazy-E and all of the people he brought up to the station with him. Howard had him come in a short time later. He told him he was one bad nigga when he came in since he was in the group Niggas with Attitude (N.W.A.). Howard asked Eazy-E if he's been to jail but he said he wasn't sure.
Howard spoke some African to Eazy-E and rattled off some Tarzan lines. Howard went on to talk about Eazy's history with Dr. Dre and all of the bad things that have happened to Eazy in his career.
Howard talked to Eazy about the problems he's had with Dr. Dre. He also talked to him about Snoop Dogg and his dealings with him. Dr. Dre put out his record Eazy gets a piece of that. They figured that Dr. Dre must be pissed about that.
Howard played some of Eazy's music and went through the song that was about the other rappers he doesn't like. Robin thought it was a bit of a joke but Eazy said it was no joke to him, he was serious about that stuff. Howard wanted to meet his posse too so he had the guys bring them into the studio. Eazy's manager came in and told Howard about some of the stuff he's done with Eazy over the years. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to his manager and some of the other people who were with him.
Howard had a Las Vegas story about Artie to tell. He was at a strip club and had a stripper giving him lap dances. The stripper gave him her number and Artie went back to his room. He was drunk out of his mind so he gave the girl a call. The woman said she was coming over. She showed up and about a minute later she whipped off her clothes and they did a bunch of stuff together for about 2 hours. When he was ready to get her out of the room she tells him ''$500 for everything.'' Artie just gave her the money and got her out of there. Howard asked Artie if she was worth the $500. He quietly said ''no'' to that. He had no idea that it was going to be that kind of thing. He thought she was actually into him because he's on the Stern show. He said that she told him that she wanted to come to New York to be on the show to be evaluated for Playboy or something.
Gary and Howard asked him why he didn't say something to her before paying her. He didn't really say anything after she asked for the money. Artie said he was stunned after the money demands so he just gave it up. Stuttering John said he heard that another guy got a $150 prostitute out there so he was overcharged. Artie said she carried about 30 condoms with her so he should have had a clue that she wasn't a regular chick.
Fast forward to the next morning...
Howard told the story about Artie's whore during yesterday's show and they already had a song parody about her to the tune of ''Jessie's Girl'' that he played first thing.
Howard said that he gets mail from people who hear rumors that he's moving to different areas around the country. The latest one said they heard Howard was moving to Warren, New Jersey but Howard says that's not true. He said that happens to him quite often for some reason.
Howard played tape of Don Imus talking about carrying a concealed weapon on Larry King the other night. Imus basically said that if someone broke into his house it would be the first and last time for that person to do that.
Howard got back to Artie's whore and spent some time telling us about that again. He also replayed the song parody that he played earlier. Howard was thinking that Artie's throat might be bothering him because of the whore. They wondered if Artie gave her oral and caught something from her. Artie said he didn't do that to her though. Artie said his mother heard the story on the radio yesterday and she was a little upset about it but Artie told her he thought he was getting a normal chick. The girl Artie is trying to date heard about the story second hand from her sister. Artie said he had a fun day after that story came out yesterday.
Actress Michelle Rodriguez came in to promote the movie ''The Fast and the Furious'' this morning. Howard also had her in to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game.
Howard talked to Michelle a little bit about how she got into the business but then accidentally found out that she may have been in a romantic relationship with her movie co-star Vin Diesel. Howard ended up spending most of the segment talking to her about that whole thing but she was kind of secretive about whether or not they actually had sex. She said that they're ''totally hanging out'' with each other now and they got to be good friends on the set of ''The Fast and the Furious''. Howard tried his best to find out if and when they had sex for the first time but Michelle kept quiet about all of that.
Mike Walker called in to play his game and he told Howard he did a good job getting as much info out of Michelle about her relationship with Vin. Howard thinks that the story will be showing up in the National Enquirer in the near future.
Howard eventually moved on to play the game with Mike and the rest of the crew. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes with Michelle talking about the movie and taking phone calls. The callers were upsetting Michelle once in a while so Howard had to hit the delay when she'd curse at them. She was mixing it up with the callers pretty good though. Howard told her she was a great guest after talking to her for a while.
Michelle told Howard that she'll be doing ''The Vagina Monologs'' in New York City for a while. Howard saw the play and said it was very good. He said he learned a few things after seeing it. One of the things he learned was that you're supposed to compliment women on how good their vaginas look. He asked Michelle to show hers so he could tell her how pretty it was but that wasn't about to happen.
Gary said that he had some people look into her and said that he heard that she really was her sister. Howard said he wanted to find out for sure so he asked Gary to look into it a little further. He got Paula back on the line and talked to her a little longer. Paula continued to ramble on and on for a few minutes before Howard put her on hold again.
Gary came in and told Howard that he got in touch with Madonna's publicist who told him that this woman is not her sister and there has been someone going around impersonating Madonna's sister. Gary said he thought that since it was in the news, she really was her sister. Howard said it's a good thing Robin was there because she told him to have Gary look into it. Howard told Gary to mark the date because this is the day he was duped by Madonna's sister. Stuttering John said that there were people calling in saying they were Kurt Cobain. Gary thought that he had done everything he could have to make sure this was legitimate.
Robin and Jackie were laughing their asses off at the whole situation. They were goofing on Gary about what he had done and couldn't stop laughing.
Howard went right from yelling at the guy to picking up Bruce. Bruce cursed when he got on the line so Howard had to ask him not to use that kind of language. Then he went on to explain to Bruce what the guy was arguing with him about. He had this woman on the show recently who was paralyzed and dated Ray Liotta. Howard asked Bruce how quick he'd get out of a relationship if his wife, Demi Moore, was paralyzed. Bruce said he thinks since he has kids he'd probably last a couple of years tops.
Bruce was telling Howard that he was working on Die Hard 3. Howard asked Bruce how much he goofs on Emilio Estevez for losing Demi to him. Bruce didn't have anything bad to say about him though. Howard also talked to Bruce about working with Cybil Sheppard and wondered how much vaseline they had over the lens when they were filming her. Bruce said he couldn't give up secrets like that.
Howard let Bruce go after a few minutes. He had to pull his pants up after that and claimed he had to do that because he was talking about Demi Moore during the call. He said he hasn't had sex in about 3 years so he has to do stuff like that.
Gary came in and interrupted saying that their mystery guest had showed up and wanted to come right into the studio. Howard wanted to do a set up and get his glasses on first. Artie wanted to guess who the big guest was. He thinks that it's Bill Maher. Howard was thinking it was Richard Simmons or Pat Cooper. Gary told him that he shouldn't be nervous and went out to bring the person in. It turned out to be David Lee Roth. Howard said this is good because he's rumored to be replacing him when he leaves. Howard said he knew that something was happening today. Howard asked Dave how he was doing and talked about how he will be replacing him. David told Howard that he can't ''replace'' Howard Stern, he'll just be taking over that spot. Dave told Howard that this is his first and last stop on the show before Christmas. Howard said that if Dave fails it'll be great because it will drive even more people to satellite radio. Dave said that's the good part about being friends with Howard, there's nothing wrong with that.
Dave told Howard that his show won't be the same type of show that Howard has been doing. He's seen other talk shows around the country and most of them are scripted while Howard Stern is just being Howard Stern. He talked about his days touring around the country with Van Halen and Infinity is giving him freedom to do whatever he wants to do on his radio show. Howard said he heard that Dave will be making $4 million a year when he starts there. Dave said he doesn't even need to do a show like that because he can make a lot more than that touring. He's doing it because it's been a dream of his to have a radio show like that for years.
Howard asked Dave how Infinity has been able to keep him hidden for so long. Dave told Howard that his father passed away a while a go and he ended up getting involved in the Emergency Medical Technician field for a couple of years. He's still going out on calls at least once a week in New York City. He said he's only been recognized 2 or 3 times out of all of the calls he's been on. He works in the 'hoods where he doesn't get recognized all that well.
Howard told Dave about how he created this network of radio stations over years and years of hard work. He begged the company to syndicate his show to Philadelphia and they put up a fight for so long. Dave said that Howard has proven that the local deejay is a thing of the past. Howard told Dave that a local guy can be a force to be reckoned with though and a lot of guys are going to be gunning for him. Dave doesn't seem to mind that and he's looking forward to it. Howard asked Dave if it's true that he was over at Jack FM practicing his show. Dave has a way of avoiding a question and won't answer it directly so he ended up talking about Howard's board and how he had it created for himself like a guitar player would have a guitar built for himself.
Dave said that he's wanted to do this since he was a kid so he's really looking forward to doing the show. He told Howard that he still sits down once a week and listens to records, one song at a time, just like he did when he was 10 years old. Howard told him that he may have to open up his private life to make for a good radio show and Dave is ready to do that. Howard said Dave has never really opened up before because no one knows what's going on with his love live. He claims he's heard that Dave is gay before but Dave thought he was just saying that himself, not hearing it from anyone. Dave said that he has banged many hot chicks that had 2 legs in their pants and people should know that already. Dave said that his show is not a comedy show. He's not going to have a whole crew working with him but he will be taking over in markets like New York, Boston, Cleveland, West Palm Beach, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Gary said that Adam Carolla will be taking over in markets like L.A., San Diego and Portland among others and Jimmy Kimmel will be a consultant for his show.
Dave said that he's actually shooting for the Rush Limbaugh audience, not even really for Howard's audience. He's thinking that he could end up in the same markets as Adam Carolla because they'll have two different types of shows. Gary told Howard that they have this guy Rover who will be taking over in a few markets like Chicago, Detroit and Memphis. The whole Stern affiliate market is going to be split up with a bunch of these guys. Penn Jillette will also have a 1 hour show in some of the markets. Dave said he doesn't care who follows him and isn't even thinking about a Penn Jillette following him. Gary said that they have some tape of what David Lee Roth was doing over at Jack FM but it was actually comedian Billy Mira doing an impression of him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Dave he was already going to change stations to Z-100 when he heard him on the show. Robin asked Howard if he would be a guest on Dave's show. Howard said he would absolutely do that and Dave thought that would be great. Howard asked Dave what he thinks is going to happen with satellite radio. He had some round about answer about how it all depends on what the companies let their personalities do. Howard said that he needs the freedom to do what he wants on satellite radio and he just doesn't have the freedom to do it on terrestrial radio anymore. Dave said he supports him on the freedom thing and appreciates the fact that he's making that move. Howard told Dave that putting together that network of affiliates across the country was one of the greatest things he's ever done in his life. He wished Dave luck with his show and offered to get up and walk out right now if Dave was ready to take over for him. Dave asked him what he's been waiting for if that's the case. Howard said he's got a contract that he has to honor and he can't just walk away. He asked Dave if he wanted to take over the show for the rest of the morning but Dave wasn't interested.
Howard had Tom Chiusano come in to meet his new employee. He also asked Dave if he's going to keep the studio the same way it is now. Dave said that he wants to lighten it up and have some windows in there. Tom came in and told Howard that they're going to have Dave working in that studio and they will open it up so he has windows in there. Tom told Howard that he's excited about the future and he can't wait to work with him. Howard felt that Dave was being a bit odd with him this morning but Gary and Tom didn't think that was the case, he was just letting Howard know that he was going to be his own man. Howard doesn't understand how Tom can just give Dave his own studio to start off with since he had to work so hard to get one himself. Dave said he can do what Howard does so that's why they're giving him his own studio. They haven't set up his whole staff yet so there were a lot of unanswered questions.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was hoping that Sammy Hagar would take over for Howard. Howard asked Dave if Sammy will take over for him if his show fails. Dave said ''absolutely.'' The caller said that Imus has already been talking about how Infinity will have to come to him once David Lee and Adam Carolla's shows fail. The guys goofed on Imus and pointed out that he's got some really low ratings and couldn't fill in for Howard or for Dave. Dave changed subjects and asked Robin about her upcoming TV show and if she was staying with Howard. She said she will be doing the radio show and the TV show at the same time. That's coming up next fall for those who didn't know.
Howard asked Artie for his thoughts on David taking over for them. Artie said he had no idea that Dave would be in that realm of taking over so he was a bit surprised. Dave said he thinks that it's like a lateral move for him from rock star to radio show host. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that they all love Dave but just because he has been a great guest on the show doesn't mean that he'll make for a great host. Howard told Ralph that it's all about Dave keeping people listening to his show. That's what Ralph said that Howard is great at and that's why so many people have been listening to his show for so long.
Howard said that maybe he is a little bitter about the industry not backing him up against the FCC and the religious right. He said they could have done it and fought them but the industry didn't do it, they just caved in. Ralph led the guys into a political discussion about the President and how he isn't doing this country any good with the FCC. The guys were debating a little bit but Howard told Dave he'll have all the time in the world to do that stuff on his own show once that starts. He doesn't know how Dave will do on his show but he predicts that he will do great when he moves to satellite himself. Howard said he'll be happy once people start to make that move to satellite. He's wishing everyone luck in their markets but Gary said that he doesn't wish the guys luck down in Washington DC because the program director down there has been cutting off the show early to get their afternoon guys on instead.
Dave asked Howard about what happens when Howard says certain words on the air and if there's a list of the stuff they can say and can't say on the air. Howard told Dave he's in for a big wake up call and explained to him how there's a new guy in charge at the FCC and how he's going to have to really watch himself once he starts his show. He also told Dave that the government is looking to fine individuals for their indecency complains and that law is in the works now. Howard said that they will have to bow down to the FCC and their ridiculous rules, there's no question about it. He pointed out that Clear Channel's profits dropped 21 percent recently and he's so happy about that. Ralph said that all of the terrestrial radio companies are going to be losing money once people move to satellite. Ralph also told Dave that he's got to watch himself because the FCC and the religious right will have to find another lightning rod to go after and make an example out of. He's got to watch himself now.
Howard found out that all of these affiliates are going to be going to an all talk format. Tom told Howard that their new Free FM logo is referring to their talk format because every one is free to speak. That got everyone laughing because the jocks won't be free to speak because the company has to keep everyone restrained so they don't get fined by the FCC. Ralph told Tom that people get what they pay for... Tom told Ralph to stop because he was basically doing an ad for satellite. Howard said that if he wants him on his radio show, he thinks that the suits at the company won't allow it and that will be the first time Dave will have to bow down to the company's rules.
Howard gave Dave a plug for his show which will be starting up on January 3rd, 2006. Howard starts on satellite on January 9th. Gary had a whole list of what will be happening in each market and there are a lot of shows replacing Howard in all of those markets. Tom was looking kind of shaken up according to Howard and Dave. Tom told Howard that they've been together so long that it's going to be quite a change. It's like he's losing his family. Howard thanked Dave for coming in and went to break.
This guy claimed that he could tell what Howard ate the night before if he smelled his farts. Howard had the guy come in to do that but he was out of gas by the time he came in. Howard said the guy looked like a bad ass biker dude who'd been in jail. Danny said that was pretty much correct. He's in a heavy metal band and he has gotten into some trouble. So anyway, Howard had Benji come in since he had some farts to blast. Benji bent down in front of Danny and ripped a good one. The guy almost puked when he smelled it but he said it stunk like poultry then he said maybe beef. Benji confirmed that he ate a ton of chicken yesterday so Danny was right. Then Benji said he could fart up another one from what he ate earlier in the day yesterday. That one stunk like rotten eggs according to Danny. Benji said he was right because he had eaten some eggs. Gary also had to fart so he blipped one in Danny's face. Dan tried to sniff it but said he couldn't tell what it was. 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Danny plugged his band X-Cellerate or Accelerate.. one of those two.. They're playing at the Green Derby in Edison, NJ on March 27.
They ended today's Mammary Lane around 1:05pm.
Howard started off today's show talking about how exhausted he was. He said ever since his dog got Lyme disease he feels like he's got the same thing. Artie asked him if his dog is doing okay. Howard said the dog is doing fine and it's all thanks to the antibiotics that they've been giving her. That led to a discussion about who invented antibiotics. Robin thought it was Louis Pasteur but Artie and Howard told her she was wrong and got things all screwed up when they threw in a bunch of other inventor names. They were tossing around everyone from Edison to the Curie's. Howard said that antibiotics are amazing. He's really paranoid about the ticks out in The Hamptons and how one, tiny tick can cause a lot of problems for you. He pulled a tick out from under Beth's boob one day that they were out there in The Hamptons recently. She thought she just had a skin tag under her boob but it turned out to be the tick. Howard talked about how they had gone to look at some property out there and when they came out, the dog was covered in ticks and Beth must have gotten it there as well. The dog is doing well after being treated with the antibiotics and she's all done with that now.
Howard has his hands in a lot of projects right now and he said he told his agent that he's got too many things going on. He's not having fun because there are just so many of them. He had to cut that story off to talk to his buddy Ralph. Ralph was on the phone to talk about his night at Scores with Pamela Anderson. Howard said he got the call from him last night from Ralph who was hanging with her at Scores and he wanted him to come down. Howard told the story about how Ralph hooked up with her. He ended up at a hotel with her.
Ralph said that Pam was wearing jeans at Scores and they ended up being too long and too tight so they ended up cutting them down to Daisy Duke size jeans. Pam was there with Ralph when he called in so he put her on the line to talk to Howard. Pam said that Ralph was there again cutting her clothes off again. Pam said that she had about 20 people in her room so Ralph wasn't the only one there. She talked about how they were at Scores until 4 in the morning just having fun. She said she doesn't get out that much these days.
Pam got her hair cut by Ralph as well as getting the jeans cut up. She told Howard that she is not doing Ralph or anything so Howard sounded relieved. Pam wanted to get going but Howard didn't want to let her go. She told him that she called him last night at around 9 to get him to come hang out but he didn't call back. Howard said that he sleeps at that time because he has to get up at 4 in the morning. Pam said sometimes you just have to change things up.
Howard was pissed that Ralph was getting in on his action hanging out with Pam. Artie and Howard were ready to walk over to the hotel room to hang out. They were going to call in the show over the phone. They were serious. Howard told Ralph to call in and give them the address so they could come down. Artie asked if there was any Jack (Daniels) there. Ralph said there's a mini-bar there so he's all set. As soon as Howard ended the segment he was ready to run over to the hotel room. Gary came in and said they were all set and they had everyone ready to run over to this hotel room. It was only 2 blocks away according to Ralph.
Howard said that it'll be him, Gary and Artie going over to the hotel room. They'll call in and Scott the Engineer will run the board. Robin and Fred will take over if the show gets out of control from the hotel room. He was wondering what else they could go to if they had to kill some time. Gary said he had some Ali G Show stuff but Howard didn't want to play that. Jason came in and said they could play the Gary Love Tape in full if they had to. That runs about 15 minutes so they could use that. Artie said he'll be drunk by 6:40 this morning. Jason asked Howard if he needed this stuff photographed for the web site. Howard complained about some of the pictures he'd taken for the web site yesterday but he was so distracted by what he was about to do that he dropped it and went to commercial break so he could run over to the hotel room.
Howard said that she was wearing a belly chain and her Daisy Duke jeans that Ralph had helped her create. Howard said the party they had there was her kind of party. The girls kept interrupting him while he was trying to talk to Robin on the line. He ended up talking to Pam for a minute and said that he thinks that there is something going on between the two of them. Howard had her come over to him so he could be as close to her as possible. He asked her to take off her cut-off jeans so she was doing that. Then the girls in the room were asked to take their clothing off as well.
Howard had Pam come close to him so he could hug her. Then he told Pam that the lie detector test proved that she does have feelings for him but she said that he still wouldn't kiss her. Howard got on the floor with Pam and laid under a table in the room. Pam said she didn't remember all that happened at Scores last night. She remembered riding in Chuck Zito's Corvette but that was about it. Pam was touching Howard's hair telling him how curly it was. He tried to touch hers but hurt her somehow. Ralph got on the line and said that Howard and Pam were rolling around on the floor together. Howard wondered how Ralph got in on that whole thing.
Pam's phone was ringing and she said that it was her boyfriend. She then said she doesn't have a boyfriend but didn't want anyone to answer her phone. Howard asked her to talk about what she did yesterday. She did her book signing so Howard asked her how that went. She talked a little bit about the book signings and about going to Scores again. She was all over the place talking about different things while Howard was sitting next to her. She was hurt by something in his pants so she had backed away from him. Howard threatened to leave at one point but she told him he couldn't because she loves him.
Howard wanted to go back to the studio if Pam wasn't going to talk to him. She didn't want him to leave so she agreed to be interviewed. She asked for some more champagne and got it within a few seconds. She wanted Robin to come down to the hotel room as well but she had to stay at the studio. Howard was ready to give up on the whole thing and just go to the Baba Booey love tape.
Pam forced some Champagne down Howard's throat and he said he loved it. Pam pulled her boob out at one point but Howard missed it. He asked her to do it again after he was saying he had to get going. One of the Scores girls, Dakota, wanted to tell some jokes so Howard let her get on the line for a minute. She told some really lame Blond jokes that didn't get any laughs. Artie got on the line after that and said that the jokes were visual. He told Robin that the girls weren't really dressed or undressed, they were somewhere in the middle. Dakota was interrupting him and saying that she wanted KC to play some Slayer. She kept talking to him as he was trying to talk to Robin.
Gary got on the phone next and told Robin it was quite a scene in there. Pam had a rack full of clothing in there and Ralph had a girl on his lap giving her a massage. He was supposed to get Howard to do a Hemorrelief commercial but he wasn't able to make that happen. Robin asked him why they weren't doing anything because they were on the radio. Gary asked the girls to take their tops off for the radio. They all took their tops off a short time later. One of the Scores girls got on the line and said that she got implants done because she was inspired by Pam.
Jason told Gary to spank some of the girls because they were talking too much. Some of the girls got spanked but then Howard got back on the line and said that he had his shirt off. He said he was going to come back to the studio soon. Howard told Pam to take her shorts off after she asked him to take his off. Artie got back on the line while that was happening. He said that Pam was barely wearing anything at this point.
Dakota from Scores got on the line and did a Trim Spa commercial for them. She read the copy they had with them and talked about the product for a minute. She talked about Gary losing 39 pounds on the stuff. She said that he looked really good now that he's lost his weight.
Gary said she was great on her first time doing a commercial. Gary told Robin that they were going to be leaving shortly to come back to the studio. Ralph got on the line and said he wasn't going anywhere, he was going to stick around at Pam's hotel room. Dakota interrupted and got back on the line to give her Grandma Pastorello a shout out. Gary got back on quickly and told Robin to play the Baba Booey love tape and that they should call him back when they have 4 minutes left so they can run back last minute.
Robin said that they should have the girls doing stuff in this hotel room. Gary said that there are no cameras there so the girls weren't doing anything. Howard got back on the line and described what Pam was wearing. As he was doing that she was pulling his pants off. He said he had to get out of there before he was naked. Gary got back on and said that they should go to commercial so they can get out of the hotel room and come back.
Howard said that all of the girls were good looking and they were panties and bras. Artie told Howard how Dakota had gotten on the line to tell a joke but it was a visual joke. Robin was surprised to see Howard back in the studio. She told him he had a perfect medium to do the show. Gary told her that they had no control over the girls there and Howard couldn't move around. Howard added that Pam was drunk and pouring drinks all over them. She was pinching his nipples as well.
Artie said that he took a bottle of liquor from the mini-bar as they were getting ready to leave and that's when Pam poured the drink on him. The guys said that Ralph told them that he came very close to going to Las Vegas with all of them. Howard took a call from a listener a short time later and said he was disappointed in him for not sticking around at that hotel room. He didn't believe that he couldn't just stay there and bang Pam.
Gary asked Howard if he would ditch the show for Pam if he didn't have a girlfriend. Howard said he would not ditch the show for that. He and the guys talked about how insane it was over at the hotel room and how hard it would have been to continue doing the radio show. Robin thought they could have made a great show out of that. Howard and Gary said that she had to see what was going on there because it was just too insane to continue doing what they were doing.
Another caller asked what it was like over there so Howard described what Pam was wearing and how her bra had slipped off at one point. Pam was grabbing Howard and climbing on top of him. Robin said she had no idea that was going on. Howard said he had to fight to keep his pants on. The caller asked Howard why he was fighting that stuff. Howard said he's in a relationship and couldn't do that stuff.
Ralph called in and asked Howard why he wouldn't ditch the show for this stuff. Howard wanted to talk to Pam again so Ralph got her on the line. Robin told Howard that he will be talking about this for years and saying that he blew it again. Pam wasn't coming back to the phone and the radio was turned up so loud that Howard was listening back to what they'd just said. Chuck Zito was there in the room and Howard said he didn't flinch while they were there.
Ralph told Chuck to come over to talk to Howard. Chuck got on the line so Howard spent a minute talking to him. He said that he was a total pro in the room and he couldn't believe it. Howard said that he was looking over the situation and making sure nothing bad happened. Chuck agreed with Howard that it looked like Pam had a thing for him. Artie was ready to run back to the hotel room again to have more fun over there. Howard explained how he couldn't stick around there because it was so crazy.
Pam got on the line again and talked to Howard but Ralph got under this table they were calling from. Pam said that she loves Ralph and asked him to do her hair. Artie asked Pam why she poured a drink on him. She didn't even know who it was on the line yelling at her. She apologized to him for pouring the drink on him and Artie forgave her immediately. Howard said that Pam really wanted him and she said that he blew it again. Howard told Pam that he had to go because it was driving him nuts.
Pam wanted to tell Howard something off the air so they pretended that they were so she'd say what she wanted to. Pam asked Howard to come back and they'd do a lingerie show for them. Howard said they were going back after that. Robin told him to just go back to the hotel room already. She convinced him to go back so Howard told Pam and Ralph that they were coming back.
Howard said that Artie was no help over there at the hotel room because they didn't help him out doing the show. Howard said that he should have grabbed the phone to take over the show for him. Dakota called in and said that they were kicked out of the room by Chuck Zito. Howard told them to get back to the room because they were on their way back over there. Dakota told Howard that Chuck told them that they were fired and they'd never work at Scores again if they didn't leave. Howard told them that they would get fired if they didn't go back to the hotel room.
Howard told Robin how tough it was to do the show there because there was only one phone in the middle of the room. There was no phone in the bathroom like most hotels have. It was very overwhelming for him. He said he had a plan and said they were going back. They talked about how they were going to get the girls to do shots and stuff like that. Then they were going to get the girls into the shower naked together. Gary said that Ralph was using a cordless phone over there and that's exactly what Howard needed. He wants to have the girls doing stuff with each other. Gary wondered if Howard had the power to get Pam Anderson naked in the shower with the other girls.
Ralph was on the line again and said that some of the girls were kicked out of the room but there were a few others there. Ralph told Howard to bring over some of the champagne to the room because they were out. Howard worked his magic and organized everything before they went back to the hotel room. Robin was helping them plan all of this stuff as well.
Captain Janks called in and said he wanted to hear some Butt Bongo going on over there when they go back. Howard seemed to think that was a good idea so he was going to do that as well. Gary said he would bring a camera over there so they could post some of the stuff on the web site. Artie was upset that some of the girls were talking about KC. Gary said the weird thing was that KC is missing and wasn't there at the station this morning. Howard went to break shortly after that and ran back to Pam's hotel room.
Fred, Jason and Scott the Engineer were all getting in on the conversation as well. Jason wondered if Artie is more interested in the girls or the drinking over there. Robin seems to think that it's the drinking that interests Artie.
Howard was on the line a minute later and said that they're stuck in traffic about a block from the hotel. Ronnie the Limo Driver was driving them over to the hotel. Howard explained what they're going to do when they get there. They want to get the strippers back up to the room and then isolate Pam up in the hotel room. They're going to pay attention to the strippers there at the hotel room and not pay too much attention to Pam. Howard arrived at the hotel a minute into the call. They found the strippers and grouped up with them. Howard's ''Scores wife'' was there at the hotel so Howard let her say hello to Robin.
Howard's phone cut out because he was on a cell phone inside the hotel. Robin took over again for a minute and said she can't imagine what's going to happen. She said the look on his face was funny when he came back the first time. Jason asked Robin to give them a lingerie show of their own since they were stuck there at the station.
Gary called back and put Howard on the line. Howard said he was in the bedroom and called the girls in to help him out. He told the girls that they were going to do a lingerie show for them. He asked Pam to take off her pants again for them. Then he told Dakota to take off her clothes as well. He told all of the girls to take their clothes off after that. Pam said that she had a lingerie meeting in about 10 minutes so she was going to have to leave. Howard said he shouldn't have come back if that was the case. Howard told Robin that when he came back the girls were putting their clothes back on.
Howard told the girls to do a lingerie show for them. He asked Pam to slip into some lingerie and told some of the other girls what they were going to be wearing. He asked the girls to take their pants and tops off for them as well. Howard then told the girls that they should all pile in the bathroom so they could get naked and get in the shower. He said if they did that they could get Pam in the shower. Pam came back without her lingerie on so Howard asked her if he could help her put it on. She said it was too complicated for her. She also had a meeting with the Wal-Mart people that she was going to be late for.
Howard said he had 4 chicks naked at this point and Pam was trying to put on her lingerie. She was drunk so she was having some trouble putting it on. Pam was saying that she was going to be in trouble for all of this. She wondered why she had a bunch of autographs on her body. She didn't remember that she was asking people to sign her. Howard had all of the girls head into the bathroom so they could get in the shower together. Howard seemed amazed that this was working.
Howard told all of the girls to get naked and get in the shower so they could help Pam wash off her ink. Howard said he was very close to a touch down with this stuff. He kept telling Pam to get over there so she could get washed down. Pam wanted to have a serious discussion with Howard about this. She said she was going to get fired if she did this. She stepped in and then stepped out of the shower. The Scores girls were afraid that they were going to get fired for this stuff. Howard said he had Pam in the shower but she got out. He told the girls that he wasn't having fun at this point. Chuck Zito was telling the girls that they were going to get in trouble for all of this so he wasn't helping matters.
Howard was still trying to get the girls to get in the shower together. He was demanding that the girls get in the tub. Dakota didn't want Pam's ink to wash off of her though. Pam came back in when Howard told her to check out what was going on. She kept telling Howard that she was going to get in trouble for all of this stuff. She didn't want Howard to leave but she also said that the party would not be over if he left.
Pam said she would get in the tub if Howard did something for her. She ended up pulling him down on the floor as Howard was saying ''Ow, Ow, Ow!'' Artie got on the line and said that Ralph was bathing some chick in the tub while Pam dragged Howard to the ground. Howard got back on the line and said that he had one girl in the tub with Ralph. Pam was in bra and panties while the other girls were in the tub.
Artie got on the line again and said that there were 5 girls, including Pam, in the tub together. He said that Howard was also getting in as he was talking to Robin. Pam was not naked, she was wearing heels. Dakota also said that she was not completely naked. The girls were asking for Robin and KC to show up at the hotel room so Artie wasn't feeling so great about that. Someone dropped a drink so there was broken glass all over the place. Artie had 5 drinks in him at this point so he was having some fun.
Artie went back into the bedroom and asked a couple of chicks what their problem was because they looked upset. He said he thinks they're upset that he was the only guy available. Howard was on the bed just talking to the girls while Artie was talking on the phone. He gave the phone to Howard after that. Howard said that he had all of the girls in the shower together at one point. He then tried to get some girls to do some stuff to each other. A couple of the girls started to kiss each other according to Artie. He said that one of the girls had the best breasts he's ever seen. He asked the girls to continue kissing so that's what they did.
Robin told Artie that it was getting kind of boring after a while. She told them it was good for a while but now it was getting boring. Robin asked what was going on there. Artie said that the girls were on the bed just talking. Howard disappeared and it turned out he was under the bed or something.
Gary had Dakota do another live commercial for them since Howard wasn't available to do it. She did a Hemorrelief commercial which sounded pretty bad because she was reading it from the copy that Gary gave her. Robin then told Artie that they had to take a real commercial break. Robin said she'd talk to them off the air and find out what was going on next and went to break.
Howard said Pam was whispering that she was going to get fired for all of the stuff she was doing. Gary showed Howard some of the pictures he had of the girls and Ralph in the studio. Gary showed Robin a picture of Artie standing next to a naked Dakota. There were three naked Scores girls on the bed doing lesbian stuff together. There were pictures of Pam in the tub with the other girls while they were naked. Ralph was hanging around naked while Howard was being dragged into the tub by Pam. There were naked girls all over the place. Howard even did some Butt Bongo to the girls but he wasn't able to get it on the radio. Artie was drenched in liquor.
Gary said he went back to get Pam to come down to the studio but she didn't want to come. Ralph was trying to work her and told Gary that they'd be over soon. The other girls came down to the studio so Howard brought them in to thank them for what they'd done. Ralph was left behind wearing just a towel. Artie wasn't so thrilled about that.
Dakota came in and asked where Pamela was. She said that Pam was calling Howard's name out all night. Howard asked one of the girls how long she'd been dancing at Scores and it was only 3 days. Howard thanked all of the girls for what they'd done over at Pam's hotel room. The girls all thought that Pam was really cool to them. The girls said that they're not supposed to hang out with clients so that's why they were supposed to be suspended. Howard said he would talk to Lonnie over there about that and make sure they're not suspended. Ronnie came in and said that he spoke to Lonnie and they don't have to be worried about being fired.
The girls left and Howard said that Pam really didn't want him to leave her party. Artie said that Pam is ''way into Howard'' but Howard is a good guy. He didn't do anything with her. Howard said that he plans on changing now that he knows that Pam is so into him. He was all pumped up after that craziness. Captain Janks called back in and asked them to put the pictures on HowardStern.com so they can discuss them on the bulletin board tonight. Janks asked him to replay the tape of the phone call as well. Howard wasn't even sure what was going on there because it was so crazy.
Howard talked about how they had all of the girls in the tub and how they had Pam in there with them. She had her legs spread and had Howard feeling how smooth they were. Another phone caller told Howard that he is ''da man'' now that he made all of that stuff happen. Artie was singing DMX's ''I love my niggas, but where's my bitches'' as they were talking about this stuff. He said that he was loaded after drinking over there.
A woman called in and told Howard how sexy that whole thing was to her. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Beth's engagement chicken is for sale on eBay right now. Howard said that he was good over there and didn't do anything with her over there. Chaunce said he was with Pam last night and she told him that she really is into Howard. He believes that she really loves him. Howard said that he's so in love with Beth that no one compares to her. Artie said that he thinks that Beth is hotter than Pam Anderson... and he was drunk while he was saying that.
Joey Boots called in and said that he didn't hear anything about the E! cameras being there. Howard said that would have killed the whole mood there. Joey said he thought it was funny when Artie was there with naked chicks and he ended up talking about one of the chick's grandmother's lasagna.
Howard took a few more phone calls and talked about some of the stuff that went on over there. Howard said they have a guest today and the guy who came down has a really hot chick. He saw her as they were running over to the hotel and almost stayed there when they saw her. Artie was thanking Howard for making all of that happen. They talked about the girls in the shower and how the girls were soaping each other up in there.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he had to tell his wife that he would never do anything like that when she asked him about it. He told Howard that he's really jealous and wished that he was him for just 5 seconds. He thought the whole thing was unbelievable. Howard talked about how sexy Pam is and how much fun she is to be around. She is really the girl in that sex video that she and Tommy Lee shot. Artie said that the party over there was the polar opposite of gay. It was the farthest thing from gay that they could get.
Artie said that Chuck Zito was a good guy and was making sure nothing bad was going on over there. Another woman called in and said that she has told Howard that he's a good looking guy. Dakota called back and wondered what was up with Artie's comment about them being dirty. He had to explain that he was making a joke. Dakota told him that he needs a shower more than any of them. Artie wasn't about to outwit them so he knew he'd been drinking too much. Artie was still drinking the bottle of scotch he had borrowed from the hotel room.
Howard had Robin just think about the reality of what had just happened. The girls were tanked out of their minds and they were all getting naked. He talked about how crazy it was over there. Gary said he had a run in with Pam that was great as well. She was asking him where she could get more Trim Spa while she was unbuttoning his shirt as she was laying on the floor in her bra and panties. He said that it was great and he knows that she probably just wanted to make him melt. Howard had to take a break after that so they could get to their guest.
A listener called in and said that he's going to go get a computer today so he can get on the web and check out the pictures they have. Another guy called in and said that the show was great and he had to thank him for it. Howard and Ralph talked a little more about what went on over there. Ralph said he doesn't think that he could have had sex with Pam if he wanted to. He said she's a party and she's a lot of fun but nothing would happen. Howard was missing her already. Gary told him that she wants him to call her later when he gets a minute to talk.
Howard moved on to the one guest they had booked today. This guy contacted the show recently who claims that he is alive today because of some stem cell thing he had done to him. He's also got a great looking girlfriend. Howard had the two of them, James and Jen, come in a minute later. Howard talked to Jen about her job which is a general contractor. James said that all of the guys that work for her just ''yes'' her to death because she's so hot. She said her company takes old houses that need to be remodeled and remodel them. She designs and oversees everything that goes on.
Howard noticed that James had shiny fingernails so he goofed on him a little bit about that. James said that they were just buffed and there was no polish on them. Howard moved on to the story that James had about how he was saved from Leukemia by a stem cell transplant. He said that he would probably be dead if it wasn't for that transplant. Howard said he must go nuts when he hears the President talking about not allowing stem cell research. James said he's from Texas so he was a Bush supporter until he started talking about the banning of stem cell research.
James made fun of Artie about how sloppy he looked when he walked past the green room earlier. Artie went off on him and goofed on his polished nails for a few seconds. Howard then had James talk about this stem cell stuff. James said that his implant was an adult stem cell transplant so there's no problem there. James was explaining what they do with fetal stem cell research but Ralph didn't want to hear that stuff, he wanted to talk more about Pam.
Howard took some phone calls about the whole Pam Anderson thing. A bunch of callers were talking about how Howard managed not to do anything with Pam. Howard then had James get back to the stem cell research thing. James told Howard that the eggs they use in the stem cell research are leftover eggs that would not be used for anything else. Howard wondered what the problem was because the eggs that they're using are not eggs that were fertilized. The religious freaks look at it as being abortion because the eggs are destroyed in the process.
James was talking about his own stem cell implant and how that worked but Howard interrupted and said that Pam's implants looked great today. He took a couple more phone calls after that and let some guys tell him how great the Pam Anderson thing was. Howard and Artie wanted to get Jen into a bikini but she said she was all banged up from the construction sites she works at.
Jen said that she didn't want to do it today and she probably wouldn't do it any other day. Artie was really drunk and slurring his words as he demanded that James get his woman to get into a bikini. Howard was willing to give them some prize money to donate to a charity if Jen would get in that bikini. Howard asked Jen when she lost her virginity and stuff like that while they killed some time. Jen finally agreed to try on the bikini they had for her but she said she wouldn't come out if she didn't like it.
Captain Janks called in and said he was inspired by the Pam Anderson thing so he called C-Span and just yelled out ''Pam Anderson rules!'' when they picked up the phone. He played that for Howard and got a couple of laughs out of them. Howard took some more phone calls after that. One guy wondered if John Kerry is going to be any better as far as the stem cell research goes. Howard said that he has said that he believes in science so he will probably change things.
Jen had the top half of the bikini on but refused to wear the thong bottom. Ralph went over and asked her what the problem was. She said she was too self conscious about her ass to wear it. She didn't even want to show it to anyone. Howard told her that her body was great and she should just put it on and come out with the bikini on. Isaac from E! came in with a rack of bathing suits for her to try on. Howard told her that if she just put on the bikini and showed them the front, she'd be fine. She agreed to do that but was afraid that they would put a camera on her ass or something.
Howard spent a little more time talking to a caller about stem cell research. Then Jen came out with her bikini on. Robin saw her ass from behind and said that it was great. She only weighs 114 pounds and she's 5'8'' tall. Artie wanted to see her ass but she was still afraid to turn around. Gary said he saw it and it was perfect. She finally broke down and spun around so they could see it. All of the guys thought it was just fine and wanted her to spin around again. Howard wanted Jason to take a picture of her for the web site as well. He told him to get those pictures up on the site immediately. Howard gave them $1000 courtesy of ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' for doing what she did. He told Jen that her ass was ''primo.'' Artie had her spin around again so they could snap a picture of her ass. All of the guys were going nuts over how hot she was.
The caller Howard had on the line was telling Howard about how he is not going to support Clear Channel anymore. Howard said that he read a memo from Clear Channel on some guy's web site yesterday and they think that they know his strengths and weaknesses in advertising so their stations shouldn't worry about him returning to Miami. Howard told them to ''Bring it on mother f'ers!''
James talked a little more about stem cell research with Howard but he just wanted to look at Jen some more. He wondered what she's doing with a guy who has polished fingernails. He started to wrap up the segment shortly after that and gave them a plug for a web site, RyanGibsonFoundation.org, and for the ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' DVD since they were the sponsor that gave up the $1000.
A woman called in and said that she's confined to a wheelchair because of the cancer battle she's been through and she thinks that stem cell research could help her out. Howard told her that President Bush doesn't care about that at all. She said she knows that and Artie interrupted and jokingly said that they don't really care either and that she should call Z100 instead. Howard went to commercial break shortly after that.
Howard tried to get Robin to start her news but Ralph wanted him to do an F***, Marry, Kill. He gave him two names and couldn't come up with a third. He gave him Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson. Howard didn't care and just wanted Robin to get her news done. Robin tried to read some stories but Artie was so drunk that he kept interrupting her. Ralph also hung around during the news to comment on some of the stories she was reading. Artie was slurring his words and going off on homosexuals when Robin brought up a story about gay weddings.
A listener called in and said that the whole Pam Anderson thing reminded him of a scene in ''Revenge of the Nerds'' when they did their panty raid. Artie said that was a perfect description of what went on over there. A few other callers told Howard how great that whole Pam Anderson thing was.
Eric the Midget called in to talk to Howard about the bits that Richard Christy is creating using his voice. He's not happy with those and he doesn't want him to make them anymore. Eric also asked Artie to stop goofing on him because his team (the Yankees) lost to the A's last night. Artie apologized to him and kept his mouth shut. Howard tried to find the Eric the Midget bit that Richard Christy created but no one had it. A short time later they brought it in and played one of his bits. They played the prank call Richard made to Gary the Retard using Eric's voice mail. Eric doesn't find that stuff funny.
Eric wanted to talk to Howard about an actor in the movie ''Station Agent.'' Ralph and Artie were goofing on him about bringing up movies that star midgets. Howard said that the worst midget movie was ''Under the Rainbow.'' They talked about a few other movies and Eric was trying to give them some facts about Bridget the Midget and stuff like that so Artie just told him to ''Shut up you short bore.'' Howard told him that Artie is drunk and that's why he's so belligerent. Artie also asked him what it's like to be the last one to know that it's raining. Captain Janks called in and said that Eric shouldn't call in and complain all the time because the show has given him a bunch of prizes and stuff over the years. Eric is looking for a job and that's why he's been calling in to the show. He said he finished a hotel management course and he would like to get a job in Las Vegas or something. They joked that he could be a ''short order cook'' or something like that. Artie also cracked a joke about being able to see his feet in his driver's license. Howard didn't think it was all that funny but Artie was cracking himself up with his short jokes. He said he's going to go back to Jersey and drink for another four hours and grab a slice of pizza after the show. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Late in the show a caller wondered how Artie gets away with drinking like he did at Pam's hotel room when he gets in trouble for lesser things on his job. Howard told the guy that Artie was partying and he's working on the Howard Stern Show so it's not a problem. The guys were still pumped up from all of the stuff that had happened earlier in the morning so they seemed to be having a lot of fun with Robin's news. Artie was killing with his jokes and comments about some of the stuff they were talking about.