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Howard started off the show saying that Robin's Dr. Roni waits for the show to start before she brings in Robin's drink. Robin said she's supposed to have her drink at 6 o'clock, that's why. Howard asked her how her diet (21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox) has been going. She said she's doing fine. Howard said her face is looking thinner already. He also asked her if she's been shitting her brains out. She said she really hasn't.
Robin said she wasn't going to say how much she's lost even though she's been keeping track. She said she didn't want to shock him and said it was 500 pounds. Howard said he wanted to know so she told him that it was actually 15 pounds in one week. Howard congratulated her on that. He seemed to think that was pretty good. He said he could see it in her face.
Robin said that Judith Regan came over for the weekend and they had a good time. That led to Howard talking about working with Judith when he was writing his book. He said that she used to tell him stories about how she'd keep herself hidden from men when she'd sleep with them. She'd hide parts of herself every time and she'd wear a shirt or something like that to keep it hidden.
Howard asked Robin if Judith shit her brains out. Robin said they both got coffee enemas in different parts of the house. It was all three of them giving themselves the coffee enemas. Robin said that it's organic coffee that they use to do that. Howard asked how they get that into their asshole. Robin said you put it into an enema bag and do it that way. Howard wanted to smell her ass to see if it smelled like coffee. Robin said she had a burn in her ass like she had too much coffee after the enema. She said it was like she had too much but it was in the wrong place. She said it was in her colon instead.
Howard asked how the enema thing works so Robin gave him the details about how the bag works. She said she was in her shower laying on the floor to do it. He asked her if she looks at herself and asks how it came to that. She didn't seem to have a problem with it though. Howard wanted to find out why they use coffee so he asked Dr. Roni to come in and tell them about it. She came in and gave them her reasons. Robin also said that you're supposed to hold that stuff inside yourself for 10-15 minutes. Robin said she lasted about 12 minutes. Dr. Roni said Judith lasted about 15 minutes. Dr. Roni said she can last about 10 minutes herself. She said she can feel the pain in her stomach that lets her know that she has to release it.
Howard goofed on Dr. Roni doing an impression of her talking to her partner about how she was scamming Robin and Judith with the coffee enema thing. He was making up new stuff like how she was going to have Robin wear tin foil on her breasts to use as an anti-oxidant. Howard had everyone cracking up with the made-up stories. He was doing the voice of Dr. Roni and her male partner discussing all of that stuff. Artie said that she should write a book about how she can make celebrities do the most ridiculous shit.
Howard played a song parody from Mike Morse where he sings about how Robin found someone to give her a high colonic. He played another one where Richard sings about how she has too much money doing this stuff. In another one Sal sings about her pouring coffee in her asshole.
Howard asked Dr. Roni if she gets a lot of crap out of these people when they take their enemas. She said that they do get some doody to come out. Robin said that she and Judith enjoyed their enemas and they got their energy from them. Robin said her voice was kind of getting kind of raspy and that went away after the enema. She and Dr. Roni talked about some of the other stuff they did over the weekend as far as exercise and stuff like that. Howard went back into his impression of Dr. Roni for a few seconds. Artie said he loves the voice he gave to her partner.
Ralph called in and asked Robin how many of those she took this weekend. Robin said it was just one enema. She said they relaxed, went swimming, rode bikes and did things like that for the rest of the weekend. Ralph was laughing when he heard all of that. Robin said that Judith Regan was wearing a bikini which surprised Howard. He wanted to know if her belly was loose or tight. She said that she wasn't really looking at her that close. Ralph was asking the same questions that they had already asked earlier in the morning so Howard hung up on him. Howard said he was very surprised that Judith was wearing a bikini. He wondered if there was any cellulite. Robin didn't see any. Dr. Roni said she thought she looked great in the bikini and the cellulite isn't there.
Howard asked if anyone took a picture of Judith in a bikini. No one had but Howard still wanted to know what kind of shape she was in. Robin said she looked great and that was it. She said that they had a good time down there at her house just hanging out. Howard said he can't picture Judith in a bikini. He asked Robin to take notes next time so he knows what she looked like. Howard said that coffee enema thing is wild.
Howard said that he had some chicken parm the night she was having her coffee enema. Robin said that's clogging him all up and said ''yuck'' when she heard it. Robin said that she doesn't like food but Howard said if that was the case she wouldn't have gotten as big as she did. Robin said that she's not eating the same kind of crap that Artie is eating as much as she'd like to. She said that when she does eat something, it just sits there. She said she's trying to change her eating habits now so that's what this diet is all about. She and Dr. Roni have discussed the maintenance plan and she will stick to what she's been told to stick to. Dr. Roni told Howard some of the stuff Robin will be eating and it will be a healthy plan. She said she can have eggs and fish after this initial diet is over.
Ralph called back in and said that Robin does like food, she just eats the wrong stuff. She said she never eats pasta like he was saying she did but he claimed she did. Robin said that he's the one who orders that stuff like Calamari and things like that. He claims that she was eating pasta and things like that but she denied it. Ralph said he also pays for every meal they have together. She said that's not true either, it's not every one. He said it's most of them. Howard said that Ralph does order up a ton of food when they go out to eat. Howard said Ralph put him on his diet and that's worked out pretty well for him. Ralph said he tried to get Robin on that plan too but she eats pasta. He claims that she eats bread too but she denied that as well. Howard let Ralph go again and Robin said that while Ralph was eating the last time they were out, she was in the bathroom sick. She said that she wasn't eating any pasta or anything like that.
Howard said that he can't believe that Dr. Roni is still with Robin after this week. Roni said she's going to be around for another day but tomorrow she's leaving for a couple of days. Her partner, James Hester, is going to be there instead. He'll be there to give Robin some support while she's away. Howard wondered if they don't trust her or something. Dr. Roni said that it was just for support.
Gary told Howard that they had audio of Robin getting her colonic. It was actually Richard taking a crap edited to sound like it was Robin. Dr. Roni said that this initial diet will be 21 days long and then Robin will stay on the maintenance program to keep it going. Howard wished her luck with it all and said it sounds good to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin if she's doing this because she's going to start dating. Robin said that she would like to start dating a younger man and this could help. The caller told them that they should do a double dating thing with Artie and Robin so they could get Artie to lose some weight.
Another caller said that this is enough of the colonic bullshit. He asked about Artie and if it's true that he's not leaving the show after he said he wasn't going to last week. Artie said that's the official word as of right now. Howard said that he's glad to hear that. Artie said that it's actually a very grey area there. He said he might be dead in 2 months and then he won't have to leave. Howard let that caller go and also thanked Dr. Roni for coming in. He gave her a plug for her book ''21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox'' and went to break after that.
Gary came in and told Howard he actually met Gretchen when he was leaving last week one day. Jon Hein had seen him with her. Howard said when he leaves he has about 50 people coming up to him and he can't remember who they are. He said they all ask to shake his hand too. He said he can't wear gloves in the summer but he'd like to. He tries to do the fist bump instead. Artie said he's converted over to that almost completely now. He said he really likes doing that. The guys talked about how you can look retarded doing that if someone sticks out their hand to shake it instead.
Gary said that cabbie sent a note to him saying that he's done with them now after that last appearance he made. Howard said that he got a note from him and he's whacked out of his skull. Artie said he left there laughing so it couldn't have been that bad. Howard moved on after basically saying ''whatever.''
Howard said that Phil Leotardo getting killed was great. They also talked about Uncle Junior and many of the other things that went on during that episode. Artie said that the guy who plays Pauly Walnuts deserves an Emmy. Howard said he was asked what he thought about that episode and he said it was awful at first but then he started thinking about it and thought that David Chase showed just how crazy it must be to be the head of a mob family.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the things that people were saying about the final episode. Gary said that there was some discussion about how they were all together to possibly get into the witness protection program.
Howard asked everyone what kind of grade they would give the show if they had to. Robin gave it a C, Fred said it was the worst ending for that show and gave it an F-. Gary gave it a D. They continued to talk about the show and all got kind of confused by one of the characters. Artie was trying to fill them in on who they were talking about but no one else knew who he was. He was getting irritated that they didn't know who he was and Howard told him to calm down because this is the kind of thing that's going to kill him. Artie kept going and tried to tell them who this guy was. No one but Artie knew who the guy was.
Howard asked Artie what his grade was for the show. Artie said that he'd give it a B grade. Ralph called in and said that it was clearly an A show and if they don't know who Carlo was, they're clearly not watching the show. Artie tried explaining who Carlo was again but Howard didn't want to hear it. Ralph said that he would have given it an A+ if they had another pivotal scene at the end. He talked about all of the great scenes that they did have and tried defending the show.
Gary said the Daily News had the right headline of ''Sopranos Whacks Fans'' but Artie corrected him on that and said it was actually the NY Post. Fred started to argue with Ralph about the show. Howard told them to stop and then Eric the Midget called in with a message from Johnny Fratto. Eric said that Johnny wanted them to know that he hates that show now that the series is over. Eric said that Johnny can't get through as easy as he does so he had him call in. Eric said he doesn't watch the show himself. Ralph thought that was pretty funny that Eric sits around doing nothing all day and doesn't watch the best show on TV.
Howard got back to the show and talked about how he was going to give it a B+ grade for the final show. He said he really wanted to see some revenge taken out on people and it just didn't happen, but that feeling of paranoia came across so well that he had to think about it and gave it a good grade. Fred was arguing with him and Artie started to get back to Carlo saying that if you don't know the characters, then you can't follow the show. He said that Carlo was a major character in the show and that's why it matters to know who he was. Howard told him it was enough already and they know what he's saying.
Howard asked Eric the Midget if he had anything to add to this conversation. Eric asked if there was an over/under for when Artie was going to fall asleep today. Ralph said that was kind of funny but his delivery was kind of slow. He did an impression of Eric delivering a joke really slow. Eric said he was still there waiting for him to finish his dumb assed joke. Ralph just laughed.
Artie gave the final episode a B grade and said that he thought it could have been better but didn't think it was all that bad. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked the show and how it gave the audience a feeling that they really had been whacked. Another caller said that the ending of that show leaves the opening for doing a movie. Howard said that he doesn't think that James Gandolfini should walk away from playing that character because he's great doing it.
The guys spent a short time talking about some of the other things that were going on at the end of that episode and how they wanted to know what was supposed to happen there. That led to Gary coming in and telling Howard what Kidd Chris told him was going to happen. He said that he was told that Meadow was going to get whacked so he thought that she was going to die in the scene where she was getting out of her car. Ralph said that Gary gets duped all the time with stuff like that. Gary didn't think he got duped at all, it was someone telling him what he heard was going to happen.
A caller told Howard that the end of The Sopranos was actually Tony dying before everyone else so that's why the screen went blank. The guy said that the story was always from his point of view so that's why it went black and there was no music at the end. Jon Hein said that could be the case because there was a line during the show where someone described dying as being fading to black and silence. Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks that Tony was killed as well and it was all from Tony's perspective so it had to be him dying in that final scene.
Howard said he'd like to think that there was just a black out at the end of the show and they just missed the actual ending. Dominic said he was hitting his TV trying to get the show to come on. Jon Hein said he ran down to see if his other TV was running okay because he thought something was wrong with it. Artie said he watched HBO for another half hour and wished that someone would killed that John from Cincinnati. They talked about that stuff for a short time before Howard said he was going to hang up on Ralph again. Jon Hein had just told Ralph that he'd give the show a B and there was no way it was an A show.
Howard took a call from Johnny Fratto who said that he watched that show for 7 years and this is the way they end it. He said that Ralph giving it an A is just wrong. Ralph told Johnny that he just watches the show with half an eye. Ralph went off on him for not watching the show but Howard told him that's Johnny's life. Howard said that Ralph can't tell someone that he doesn't know the show well enough when he's the actual son of a mob guy. Johnny went on to say that the ending was creative but that's not what he wants to see in that show. He said he wanted to see a TV show and someone getting killed.
Fred said that people say that the show has always been about family but that's not the case. Howard said that he had some thoughts on the show and it was going to blow everyone away. He went to silence for about 20 seconds and then told Fred to go to commercial.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her daughter called her and talked about the cat and what was going on with that. She said that it was like the cat was looking at a rat during the show and that's what was going on there. Howard said he doesn't know what was going on there and said he thinks that they talked about that show enough already. He said he had a bunch of people on the phone who wanted to talk about it but he was pretty much done at that point.
Artie said that he ended up hating the character of AJ on that show. He said that he was just a loser. He said the kid was a good actor but he hated the character.
Lisa said that they have a story about Bob Levy going up to Canada over the weekend for a comedy show and both Richard and Beetlejuice were drinking a ton. That led to Howard talking about how Bob doesn't need Beetlejuice going to these shows with him and giving him a hard time. Artie said they really don't need Beet at the shows and if they have complaints about him like that, they don't need him there. Richard said he was talking to Bob about that and they can't stop Beet from drinking. Artie said he thinks that if Beetlejuice was booked at Carnegie Hall, he could sell it out no problem. Howard said he thinks he might be out of his mind.
Howard asked Richard about his drinking and told him he's got to take it easy on that. A caller said that he could die from drinking with the drug he's taking for the anxiety thing. The guy said that he's a pharmacist and he knows. Howard said that having 17 drinks in 4 hours is a little excessive. Richard said they cut him off the last time he went to California.
Lisa said that they talked to Topps trading cards about the Hollywood Zombie cards they have out with his image on them. They said that they've done that for a long time now and it's all just a parody. Howard said that they're using his image and that's wrong. He said he hasn't thought about doing anything yet but he doesn't want to sell that kind of bullshit to his fans. He said he's not like Bill O'Reilly. That led to Howard saying that Riley Martin is selling a lot of stuff on his web site(RileyMartin.tv) now. He ran down the list of stuff that he's got on his site like a t-shirt that says ''Uh... Things of this nature.'' There are a bunch of mugs, t-shirts, key chains and other stuff.
Howard said he had some audio clips of Riley to play so he went to those. In one clip a caller asks Riley if he would take Artie's seat on the show if he was offered the job. Riley said he couldn't take that job because he's busy trying to save the world. Another caller asked him if he was going to ask for more pay if Artie leaves because that might free up quite a bit of money. Riley said that he will try to prove himself before then and try to renegotiate his contract.
Howard mentioned that there were two stories in the newspaper this weekend that he wanted to talk about. There was one story about a young girl who had died from using too much of a Ben-Gay type of medication. The kid was abusing it and ended dying from it. Robin said that the girl was using too much of it and overdosed on it. She said she had never heard of such a thing before.
Howard also mentioned that the guy who was put in jail last year for plotting to kill David Letterman's son has escaped from prison. He said that's pretty scary. Howard talked about that story for a short time and explained how the guy ran off and escaped. Robin said they may have gotten weapons as well. She said that they were saying that the last he was seen he was 150 miles away from Letterman's home and they don't think he's heading there.
Howard talked about the Paris Hilton story after that. He said that she basically pissed in the face of the justice system. He said that when it came down to going to court after her probation violation, she showed up late. He said that she didn't take it seriously and the judge called her out on that. He said that they threw her in jail and she was supposed to stay there for 23 days. She freaked out, stopped eating and drinking because she didn't want to shit or piss on the jail toilet. He said that she was afraid of having her picture taken on the toilet or something like that. That led to the Sheriff releasing her early from jail.
Howard said that he doesn't take drunk driving lightly and that's what Paris had gotten into trouble over. He said that she might not be the most dangerous person in jail but it is a serious thing. Robin said that they've put her in the hospital part of prison because of the way she's been acting. She's coming across as crazy so far. Howard asked the guys if anyone is upset that she's in jail. Artie said he hopes that she's in jail for the next 20 years.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he's got sources who have told him that Paris is a big fan of the show. Howard said that's fine but what she's doing is shitting on the court system and it's just not right. Melrose said that he was outside of the courthouse on Saturday and he's supporting her. He said that she shouldn't be put in solitary confinement. Howard said they have to put her in there so the other inmates can't get to her. Dominic Barbara called in and said that this is nothing compared to what Nicole Richie is going to get for driving the wrong way on a highway while drunk. He said that she's probably going to get 3 or 6 months for what she did. Dominic said that he thinks that Paris could have gotten out if they had let her out on overpopulation problems.
Ralph called in and said that Paris was planning a party that night she got out of jail so that wasn't right either. Howard said that she should be in jail for life. Ralph asked if he saw the coverage of her getting taken to jail. Howard missed it but he had some audio clips from MSNBC where they cut away from a breaking story to go to this ''breaking story.'' They were doing a story about Peter Pace retiring when they broke in to talk about Paris Hilton's arrest. Howard laughed when he heard that clip because it's so ridiculous.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel had one of his guys at the press conference that Paris' people were holding. The guy yells out ''NOOOO!'' when he heard that Paris was being sent back to prison. He played that clip and said that they got credit for that even though it was Jimmy's guy. He played another clip from a news program where they commented on the yelling. Sheppard Smith pointed him out and asked if Stuttering John and ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey'' was up next.
Ralph said the picture of Paris crying in the back of the police car was great. He said ''fuck her.'' Howard talked about Paris' sister going to visit her sister in jail after not talking to her for years. Howard had to hang up on Ralph again because he wasn't making any sense today. Howard said he actually met Nikki Hilton one time at a party and tried to hook Ralph up with her but he wanted to hold out for her hotter sister. Artie said he loves Paris' face and thinks that's the type of face he just wants to fuck. He said he doesn't like her flat ass but that face is great to him. Howard said he thinks that she's losing her looks a bit these days though. He said he had to go to break after that but mentioned they had the guy from Maroon 5 coming in to perform a couple of songs later in the morning. Robin said the guy looks kind of gay but Howard said he's banged a lot of hot chicks from what he's read. They'll talk more about that when he comes in.
Artie said that Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrall, Adam Sandler and other A-list celebrities showed up to this Awards show. He said that Kevin James was there presenting with Adam. He said Adam pulled Frank aside and told him he liked ''Beer League'' so he thought that was nice. Will Ferrall said hi and told him to say hi to everyone. Artie said that the whole thing turned into a big party over there. He said that he didn't get a chance to see Vince Vaughn. He said he was hanging out with Steve-O who had hot chicks all over him. He said that Steve had lipstick all over him from making out with chicks that night. He said he had a blast with him because they were both lit. He said the chick that was hanging with Steve was really hot too. Wee Man was also there hanging out and there were chicks all over the place so he figured he got laid.
Artie said that what they do at those shows out there is try to create an intimate setting. He said that they did this thing where they had hot waitresses walking around. Some of them were famous chicks that he didn't have a shot at. They had Tara Conner there who was the 22 year old who kind of got into trouble when she was in this beauty pageant. She wasn't a waitress, but she was hanging out near them. There was a blonde girl from Nip/Tuck there who he didn't know and kind of said something to her thinking she was a waitress. He said that she was kind of looking over his shoulder not even seeing him though.
Howard asked Artie if he got lucky out there. Artie said that was the thing, no, he didn't. He said that he, Joe Rogan and Dave Attell were all trying to pick up chicks. He said that he's not sure if Dave got laid or not but he looked like he was trying. He said he tried to pick up chicks but he just had no luck doing it. He said that he was staying at the Bel Air hotel out there and he probably could have found a chick who wasn't a 10 there and taken her back. He was going for the 10s though.
Artie said that he and Dave Attell went to a party after the show and there was a couple fuckin' in the middle of this club. It was in the middle of the Roosevelt hotel. The club, Teddy, was really rockin and it was set up with mini-rooms around the pool and the guy and the chick just started fuckin violently there. He said that Tracy Morgan and his entourage were watching and commenting on what was going on.
Gary came in with some pictures of the chicks who were at the award show. Howard checked out the pictures of Steve-O's girl and said that she was hot. They had some of the famous chick pictures as well. Ralph called back in and told Artie he should have been able to get someone there. He said there were 500 girls there, he should have been able to hook up. Artie said that this weekend didn't do too much for his self esteem, that's for sure. Artie said he got laid two weeks ago though.
Artie said that he loved seeing Adam Sandler there at the show. Howard wondered why he never puts him in his movies because he seems perfect for those kind of movies. Artie said he'd never ask him to do something like that. He said Adam was actually in Dirty Work with him though.
Artie said that Carmen Electra was there and danced during ZZ Top's performance. Artie got to introduce ZZ Top so that was kind of cool too. Artie said Carmen was looking really hot dancing like a stripper in a stripper outfit. He said that one of the girls who was dancing with Carmen told him he was very funny doing his act but he wasn't able to find her later on during the night. He said that Carmen presented an award with one of these big UFC guys. He said that ZZ Top was great and then Adam Sandler had suggested that they have Styx close the show so that actually happened.
Artie said that the hottest chick at the show was this Minka Kelly chick. Howard said that Elisha Cuthbert has a great face. He was looking at the pictures from the show and going nuts over a few of the chicks. Artie said that he actually had to go back to his hotel and jerk off that night. He said that he jerked off to chicks that he had met just an hour before. He said that was in his $850 a night room at the Bel Air hotel. He said he had a Kit Kat bar from the mini-bar after doing that. He said he can't wait to watch the show to see how they edit it down from 3 hours. He said he had a blast there with all of the guys.
Artie said that he wanted to get home early on Sunday so he could be home in time for The Sopranos. He said he got in line to check in and saw Elliot Gould standing in front of him. He said he's a big fan of his and he was doing nothing at the time. He said this Mexican woman started yelling at him because he didn't know how to use this self-check in machine. The woman helped him out and Artie had apologize for having his bag in the way. He didn't see him again, he just got on his flight. Then he got on the phone and said that he was talking to his friend about how miserable Elliot Gould looked when he saw him. He said that his friend told him that he was rumored to be a miserable prick to work with. They were talking about his career and his kid and things like that. He and his friend were laughing and then he hung up the phone. He looks forward and sees that the guy next to him was laughing and stuff so he realized that he was talking too loud. It turns out that Gould was probably in the same plane as him. Artie looks around and sees that Gould is one foot behind him staring at him. He said he's not sure that he heard him but he was only a foot away and the guy across the aisle had heard the whole thing.
Artie said that he was really obnoxious on the phone and was goofing on Gould and his son and had no idea that he was sitting right behind him. Artie said he was being really obnoxious and if Gould had stood up and punched him in the face, he would have been fully justified.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she can't figure Artie out because he can't get laid staying in the Bel Air hotel. She wasn't making any sense to Artie or Howard so Howard just hung up on her. He had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Adam if he thinks that it would be hard to get married after having so many hot chicks. Adam said it's not impossible. He said that you shouldn't get married unless you're really ready to do it. He said that it's going to be a few years before he does. He said he's got his girlfriend with him there today and she's been with him for about a year now. He said she's not an actress or a model though. She's just a regular chick. Howard said that one of their interns got all dolled up for this guy today because she knew he was coming in. He said it must be great to have fans like that.
Howard asked Jesse Carmichael from the band how he's doing with the chicks. He said he's doing okay. Artie told the guys that they should do some crazy shit with the chicks like the guys in Led Zeppelin used to do. Adam said they did some crazy stuff. While he was talking they started to play some Zeppelin stuff on the guitar.
Howard asked Adam when he got really big with this current band. Adam said it was probably back in 2004. That's when they started to make it big back then. Howard asked them to play after that since they were talking about the hit songs they've had. They went into their song ''This Love'' which was one of their big hits. It was just Adam on vocals and Jesse on guitar.
Howard liked that version of the song. He asked them if they go out and do that for the fans like that. Adam said they do that once in a while. Howard talked about some of the girls that were on Adam's conquest list. He said that he didn't want to talk about it but Howard ran down the list that included Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Maria Scharapova... Adam denied doing Paris and said that he just met Maria.
Howard asked Adam what kind of crazy things they've done as a band. He said they once played a wedding rehearsal dinner. He said that if they were asked to do a wedding or something for a ton of money, they'd do it no problem because it's not easy to make money doing what they do. He said that they got paid really well to play that rehearsal dinner though. He said that it was more than $250,000. Howard asked Adam if he and Jesse get more money in the band than the rest of them do. They actually break it down very deliberately to make sure they get what they're due.
Howard read through some more names on the list of chicks that Adam is rumored to have banged. He said that Natalie Portman was on the list but Adam said that he barely knows her and she's just a friend. Artie said he'd love to have stuff like that on his resume. He tried standing next to all the hot chicks at the awards show this weekend but it wasn't happening for him.
Howard asked to meet Adam's girlfriend Becky but he didn't think she'd come in. She came in a short time later so Howard said hello to her. He asked her how he met her. Adam said he met her in Vegas when she was a hostess in a steak house out there at the Palms hotel. Howard told Artie that's the kind of girl he needs to meet. Howard said that hostesses are the hottest chicks. Howard talked to her and found out that she was working at the Roosevelt hotel on Saturday when Artie was there. She didn't see the people fuckin there like Artie did though. Howard asked Becky how old she is and found out she's only 21. Adam told her that he thinks she's the most beautiful woman in the universe.
Howard asked Adam if he would dump Becky if she was involved in some card accident. He said he would dump her but then told her he was just kidding. Howard asked him if he'd dump her if she gained 20 pounds. He said that he'd be fine with that and he'd think she was beautiful even with 20 more pounds. Artie said she looks like a young Michelle Pfeiffer. Howard asked Adam what he'll do when she turns 40. He said she's going to be smokin' hot at 40, he's not worried.
Howard asked Adam how long it took him to bang this chick. She said that they slept together the first time they met because they didn't expect anything out of it. He said that they started talking after that and they got to know each other more and more. He said that kind of shit just happens. Howard said she must get hit on all the time though. Adam said it is every day. Howard asked what kind of shoes she was wearing and she showed the boots she had. Adam also said that she had just gotten off a red eye flight an hour and a half ago. Artie said he'd offer her $50,000 to sleep with him if Adam wasn't dating her.
Howard told Adam that Becky is too young to get married. Adam is only 28 so the age difference isn't too creepy. Howard asked if he's seen these people who date people 19 years younger than them... like Howard and Beth. He went on to ask Adam if he wanted to perform another song for them. Becky went back and sat next to Artie while they did that. Howard gave the guys a plug for their latest album ''It Won't Be Soon Before Long'' and then had them perform a cover of The Beatles ''Don't Let Me Down.''
Howard said he liked that harmony thing and he'd love to be able to play the guitar and sing harmony with someone like that. He said they had done a great job with that song. Howard asked Becky about how she must have just gotten out of high school. Adam said that he used to listen to the show when he was like 11 years old so it's really surreal to be on the show now. He said his father used to listen and he's learned a lot from Howard over the years.
Gary came in and said that the Howard TV guys were shooting Becky back there and she had love in her eyes as they were performing. They pull out and you see that Artie doesn't even exist in her world. Artie said that Jason kept telling him to get the fuck out of the way too because he was blocking the view.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Adam about his girlfriend and wondered what could happen in the future if they broke up. Adam said that Becky is perfect and she has natural breasts, no nose job... nothing like that. Artie asked her if she's got any sisters. She said she's got a twin sister who is the opposite of her. Adam said that she's beautiful but she's a brunette, not a blonde like Becky. Howard asked him if he could get both of them in bed together. He said that wasn't going to happen so Howard asked her if she's ever tried any stuff with girls. She said that she may have kissed another girl but nothing all that hard core.
Howard asked Becky if she ever puts on outfits for Adam. He said that she doesn't need to because she's so hot. Howard asked her how many men she had before him. She said that she had some fun out in Vegas. Adam said she didn't have to get into too many details, he was going to pretend that she was a virgin when he met her. Howard wrapped up with them and played a track off his album as he was going to break. Adam said that he didn't want him to play the single from the album because he thinks it's boring. He asked Howard to play ''Can't Stop'' instead so that's what he did as he went to commercial.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who asked if they had a picture of Becky to put up on the web site. Howard asked Jason to get it up there so he could check her out while he was on the phone. Artie said that this chick was a 12 and she was at the party he was at on Saturday night and he still didn't notice her. Howard thought that they had a new way to get pictures up instantly. Jason didn't know if that was working but they were working on getting them up on HowardStern.com as they spoke. He said he'd give Howard the hi-sign when he knew they were up there. He said she only let him take two pictures though. Artie said that he gets bummed out knowing that there are guys who could pick her up and bang her the same night he meets her.
Howard asked Artie if he liked that guy Adam. Artie said he really did. He said that he's heard some jokes about their music that are pretty funny but he liked the guy. Robin asked Howard if he got any big rock star girlfriend when he was dating. Howard said he did get some chicks like that back then. He said that he could give one name and gave out Mrs. Dell'Abate. He said he was just kidding about that though.
Howard thanked Steve for that and moved on to Jon Hein. Jon came in and Howard asked him if he's been playing chess lately because he hasn't seen him much lately online. Jon said that Howard is on another level than he is so he doesn't play with him anymore. He went on to give his Wrap Up Show rundown. Jon mentioned the Maroon 5 performances and also said they'll be talking about The Sopranos discussion they had earlier. They'll also talk about Artie's trip to Los Angeles and his run-in with Elliot Gould.
Howard was going to have Robin read her news but he read through some e-mail first. He read some mail about Artie's Letterman appearance from last week. Some people wrote in and said Artie was great while others gave him shit for being so fat. Some people thought it was odd that Howard's name didn't come up at all during his Letterman appearance.
Howard had one email where someone asked if Robin plays with her titties when she masturbates. She said it depends. Howard said he dated this one chick who would but these things on her nips called ''snake bites.'' He wondered what that stuff does because he figured that they'd just go right in there to the love button. Robin said that the whole area down there can be good. She said that sometimes she can do just the outside area and sometimes inside. It doesn't take her long to get off most of the time. He said he really didn't know that she rubbed her titties because he never thought of her like that.
Howard said that when he does it he just beats off and doesn't rub himself. Artie said that guys just don't do that stuff. He said that they're just gorillas, literally gorillas. Howard said he's got one hand on his penis and one hand on the DVD remote when he does it. He told Robin that he wants to learn more and would love to see Howard TV tape her doing that stuff. That's never going to happen.
Howard read some feedback about Robin Givens' interview from last week. He read some comments about that and then found out that the pictures of Becky were up on HowardStern.com. He picked up Bong Hit Eric and asked him to check her out. Eric was having some trouble finding the pictures. Howard told him he didn't get his web site and the stuff they do on there. He said that Doug Herwitt has been working on that site every day and night for the past 2 years and it just doesn't work. Robin was having trouble getting on so maybe it was from so many people logging on. Howard put Eric on hold again and said maybe he'd try later.
Howard read through some more e-mail about various things that have been going on with the show lately. Robin asked Howard if Eric could get to the pictures yet. Eric said that he was a little bit baked this morning but he didn't think that was why he couldn't get on. Howard said that even High Pitch Eric was able to get it. Eric was explaining how to get to the picture and that led to Artie goofing on him and doing an impression of him. He said that he was at his autograph signing the other day and he looked like a mess. He also said that some guy came up to him and said he was High Pitch's manager and when they were all done he asked him if he wanted to go to lunch and discuss things. He seemed to think that was pretty amusing.
Bong Hit Eric called back in and said that chick was gorgeous. He wondered if she was wearing a bra or not. Artie said he thinks that she was. That led to Howard saying that his fiancé is great at picking out nip slips. He said she noticed a nip slip in Us magazine and wondered how they get away with that. He had Robin get to her news after that.
Artie said that he might be able to get a good deal on shore house that some guy told him about. He showed the pictures to Howard and the house is brand new. It's six bedrooms and 6,000 square feet. Howard said it's a nice looking house but it's very close to the neighbor. He said he's going to check it out today and it's feeling really perfect to him. Artie said that if he gets the house, he'll have a barbecue there. Howard said he can't go because he's not his bro. That led to the two of them talking about inviting each other to parties and how Artie didn't show up one time to one of Howard's parties.
Howard and the guys also talked about their gym class experiences back when they were in school after Robin brought up a story about a gym teacher who had taped up a student's legs which led to him breaking his arm when he fell. Richard Christy came in and told a story about getting spanked with a paddle on his bare ass one time. Howard said he had a gym teacher who would make students stand at attention so long that they'd pass out. One of his friends actually did pass out one day.
Howard played some audio clips from The Tony Awards that aired over the weekend. He said that he doesn't get that whole world and he knows that he'll never get into it. He goofed on some of the performances there and then broke into a song about Clif Palette who passed away last year. He was goofing on one of the Tony Awards performances because the guy was singing about a guy who had died. Howard sang about Clif for a few seconds and then played some of the awful song that Tommy Tune sang. Howard said that he's convince that they're not even technically songs. Fred agreed and said that some of the stuff is just awful. Howard continued to sing some more songs while goofing on the world of theater. He asked Robin if she still goes to stuff like that. She said she does do that once in a while. Artie said he's liked some himself. Howard said he doesn't know why anyone would want to leave their house and go out to see any of those plays. Robin told him he was ridiculous talking like that.
Howard took a break during the news and then had Robin read through a few more stories. Howard took a call during the news from a guy who asked about the satellite radio merger. Howard said that there is a lot of nonsense going on with the merger and it shouldn't take this long to get approval for this. He and the caller talked about the way the NAB is trying to stop the merger because they're so paranoid that they're going to be competing against them. That led to the guys talking about how the prices of satellite radio could possibly go lower if the merger happens. That's going to be good for the consumer which is what the FCC is worried about. Howard said that he thinks that it's all about him and the only reason that anyone cares now is because he's on satellite.
While the guys were talking about Conan O'Brien Artie mentioned that he's getting close to shooting a pilot for a show that would air at like 12:30am on a Saturday night. He said that it's just a script deal at this point so he's not sure what's going to happen. They were talking about how Jimmy Kimmel would probably leave the network if they hired Conan.
Robin read a story about the girl who won the Hottest Regular Chick last week who may have said that she was upset that Gary didn't give her the full $5,000. Gary came in and said that he thinks that it's one of those Chaunce Hayden stories that got through even though it's not true. He said that he spoke to the girl and she had a great time and wasn't upset that she only got half of the money. That was the deal they had from the start and he didn't try to take advantage of her or anything.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about some song parodies that he had just been listening to. He had one about his big nose that he may have played the other day. Artie had heard it but Robin didn't remember it. He also said he got some good feedback about the guys from Maroon 5 who were on yesterday. He read through some of that and some people were impressed with their performances. One guy said that the music they were playing was ''fag music'' and there were others who liked it. Howard said he liked their acoustic version of ''This Love'' and played some of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he really enjoyed Maroon 5 and also thought the guy's girlfriend was hot too. He saw the picture of Artie sitting next to her and thought she was really hot. The guy thought that she was like a regular chick but all of the guys said she wasn't regular at all. The caller said she's not a stripper or anything like that. That led to the guys talking about how all hostesses at restaurants seem to be smoking hot. Artie said the girls at Nobu are hot and at Del Friscos as well. Artie said the restaurant is in the same building they work in, Howard had no idea. Artie said it's one of the best places he's been to before.
Robin mentioned that she liked it too so Howard asked how that was possible because he thought she didn't like food. Robin said she can go to stuff like that, she doesn't have to like it. Artie told Robin that he wanted to go see ''Inherit the Wind'' with her sometime and Robin said that would be nice. He's just gotten a date with her so Howard told him that's what he has to do.
Howard took some more calls and got some feedback about the Maroon 5 guys and then played their cover of ''Don't Let Me Down'' that they did yesterday. Howard said he was enjoying the guy playing guitar during that segment. He said he was doing a lot of interesting things during the song. Gary said that the guitar player is actually the keyboardist for the band. Howard said it was pretty insane and a pleasant surprise to have them in.
Howard got back to the song parody he mentioned earlier. He said that this guy wrote the tune to Blitzkrieg Bop and called it ''Big Jew Schnoz.'' Artie said he had heard it before and it wasn't a 10.
Howard said he got some feedback about Robin's diet and someone was telling him he might have to do an intervention with her. He said that he's been asked to do the same for Artie and he actually sat him down one time a while back and did that with him. Howard said that this person came to him anonymously and asked him to talk to her about this diet thing. He refused to say who it was though. He said that this person said that what she's doing is dangerous. He though that Dr. Roni knew what she was doing though so he hasn't had any intervention. That led to him playing a song parody that someone wrote to the tune of The Beatles ''Dr. Robert'' which was renamed to ''Dr. Roni'' of course. The song got a few laughs from everyone.
Howard had another song about Robin called ''Robin Give Me Head.'' It was just a few seconds of that one. There was a ''I Love Dropping Loads'' song parody and one about Artie sleeping where they played the clip of Artie getting waken up by the air horn. Howard said that song was from Steve the Intern. His singing is awful and Howard said that it's just not funny. He put a lot of work into the song too. He played through some of the song which was produced really well. Artie said it wasn't all that bad and thought Howard was being a little rough on it. Howard said he could have done things a little differently and gave him some suggestions. He told Steve to keep working on it and come up with some other songs.
Howard said the Bleeding Deacons have sent in some new songs about Sal and Richard's gay sex stuff. He played through a few of those.
Howard said that he was looking at this ad for a Mont Blanc pen yesterday and he wondered who is using a fountain pen these days. Fred said they write very nicely but they can make a mess as well. Howard said his father writes with one but he's old school. Howard said that he can't imagine writing with a quill pen but that would be pretty funny. He thought about investing in one of these fountain pens to see what it's like. Robin said that they can be very sloppy and the ink can leak out. He said he wouldn't like that. He said he's never written with one though.
Howard talked about his father writing with a pen that he had to dip in a ink well and he seemed to be really into it when he'd do that. They were talking about the Japanese language and how intricate their symbols can be. Artie said that he used to have a joke about going over to Japan and how it took his cab driver a half hour to make a K-turn.
Howard said that a lot of people are canceling their HBO subscriptions after The Sopranos season finale. He and the guys talked about all of the other stuff that's on that channel. There were discussions about how much it costs and how much people might save by cancelling it. Howard said that all of them can afford to have all of those channels. He said he's got so many channels that he knows there are some he's never even seen before.
Howard read a story about Owen Wilson riding over to Scores on his mountain bike and going in. He said he's never seen that before. The guys spent a minute talking about Scores and how great it is. Artie joked that the bike rack over there is made up of old strippers who just bend over and hold the bikes up with their asses. That led to Artie talking about an article he read about one of the alternate scenes from The Sopranos where Pauly Walnuts was rubbed out. That obviously never aired. One of the girls in the scene was a Scores stripper.
Dr. Roni gave Artie some of her drink and told him that she thinks he'll like it. Howard then said goodbye to her and that it had been nice to meet her. He then went into his impression of her talking to her partner about scamming Robin. He was joking about how she had loaded up a U-Haul with all of Robin's stuff while she was staying at her house.
Howard let Dr. Roni go and said that her book must have been one of the last books that Judith Regan put out with her book company. That led to Howard and Robin talking about Judith and what she's up to these days. Robin said she's doing a lot of travel these days.
Artie was reading the back of the book and saw that Dr. Roni said that she's only a phone call away if he ever needs her. Howard told him he should do it and just get on the diet. That led to Artie talking about how he's now the owner of a home at the Jersey Shore. He went and looked at a few houses and fell in love with the one he showed Robin and Howard pictures of yesterday. Robin told him that he's going to have to decorate the house now. Artie said that his mother and sister will take care of that. Artie said that he's right on the corner of two lagoons and it's a great place. He said he's going to have a built in pool and that's the first time anyone in his family has ever had one. He's like a little kid now with this new house.
Howard said he could picture Artie doing all kinds of stuff to the house and that led to Artie talking about how he was going to turn on room into a big media room. Howard said Benjy was sitting there thinking about how he can't even move out of the storage bin he's living in.
Artie said that Ralph called him and asked him when he could move in. Howard said that Ralph is going to wake up one day when he's like 65 and not have a house of his own. He really needs to do an intervention with him. Howard congratulated Artie on the new house and said he had to take a break.
Gary said that he thought the ending of the show was kind of clever but after reading this article it didn't come off that way. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the show and how it seems like Chase didn't put as much thought into the show as everyone thought. They talked about how angry some people are at the ending of the show. There were a lot of people who were thinking that their cable had gone out right at the end of the show. Gary said he was cursing out his TiVo and his cable when that happened.
Howard said he didn't want to get into a whole long discussion about The Sopranos. He said people should move on and get over it already. He said he's never seen people carrying on so much about a show.
Howard continued playing the clip where Barbara talks about how she got the call from Paris who had called her mother in the middle of her call. Paris called Barbara collect since that's what people in jail have to do. Barbara explained how it all went down and said that Paris told her that she has dropped her appeal to avoid any further problems. Paris apparently told her that she got depressed when she got to jail and felt like she was in a cage. Barbara said that Paris claims that she's a changed person and she's not going to play dumb anymore. She's become more spiritual now and she thinks that God has given her a second chance.
Howard said that he was reading Bill Maher's book where he talks about how God is very inconsistent because he tells Pat Robertson that they shouldn't be in Iraq while he tells President Bush that they should be in Iraq. Howard then pointed out that God is now apparently talking to Paris Hilton.
Dominic Barbara said that what Paris has done is against the rules in prison. He said that her call to Barbara is against the rules because she can't call press conferences and stuff like that. He said that she can't be giving interviews like that. He said that it seems like there's some kind of scam going on there. Dominic said that she's making the sheriff look like a complete idiot because she's claiming she wasn't on any medications or anything like that. Robin said Paris was claiming that she has severe ADD and was on Aderol when she went in and that's what her medical condition was.
Howard got back to the Barbara Walters clip where she talks about how Paris is looking to work with cancer charities and stuff like that when she gets out of prison. Artie asked Howard if that show is something where someone like Joy Bayhar could come out against Paris and goof on her. Howard said she could do that, that's what Rosie was doing when she was on that show. That wasn't happening during this particular show though. He said that Rosie apparently couldn't take it anymore over there. He said it must have driven Rosie nuts to talk to that Elisabeth Hasselbeck chick. Howard said that he can't imagine dealing with her himself.
Howard got back to the clip where Barbara was talking about Paris and what she's up to in jail. She described what's going on with her and how she can't wear any makeup and hasn't even looked in a mirror since she got there. Robin heard that and said she doesn't think that Barbara was even talking to the real Paris Hilton. Barbara talks about how Paris didn't whine to her when she was on the phone and also said that she claimed she will never drink and drive again. The crowd applauded her when they heard that.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that Dominic Barbara was wrong about the call that Paris made. The prison has control over the calls that go out of there and they could have stopped her from calling if they wanted to. Howard said he didn't know who to believe there but figured that Dominic knew what he was talking about.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that they should take it easy on Paris. She said that her mother had the right to straighten things out if she wanted to. Howard said that's bull and that wasn't helping her daughter at all. She told Howard that there was a lot of stuff that people don't know about the case. She said that no one else is in jail for this kind of thing. That led to Howard saying that she keeps violating her parole, that's why she's in jail and he's glad that she's off the road now. He said that she wasn't put in jail for driving drunk, she was put in jail for driving after her license was suspended. He asked Jessica how much they're supposed to put up with before they put her in jail. Howard said that Paris is a cunt and that's that. Jessica thought that he was being a little harsh on her thought.
Howard said that he can't imagine why anyone would defend what she's done. Howard said he's never broken laws like that. He went over the case and tried to figure out why Jessica would support it. He said that Paris was picked up twice for driving with a suspended license after she was on probation for her DUI. Dominic Barbara called back in to straighten out what they were talking about. Dominic said that what Paris has done is not usually something you'd go to jail for.
Howard said that people who are in the limelight have to watch what they're doing even more than regular people because they're going to get punished for stuff like that. Artie asked Jessica if drunk driving is against the law and if it should be punishable. She said it should so Artie told her that was it, she went to jail after that. Howard said they gave her a few chances before they actually put her in jail. Howard said that he respects Jessica's right to say what she's thinking but he disagrees with her opinion.
Howard let a caller go off on Jessica for a few seconds. The guy was pretty brutal with her so Howard told him he may have gone a little too far. He got back to Jessica a short time later and said that they just can't let people like that keep driving around avoiding the law. Howard said he can't imagine feeling bad for Paris Hilton. He doesn't get that.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how much he's trying to support this company but they might want to come to him and ask him for his suggestions when it comes to advertising and things like that. He said that he got really upset when he saw that Censored thing on the commercial.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that the commercial was showing the SIRIUS dog ripping up the sign that says ''Censored.'' Ronnie said he saw the commercial about 10 times over the weekend and he gets it, it's kind of cool. Howard said he just didn't like it when he saw the word ''censored'' in the commercial. He figured that the average viewer would think it meant he was censored. The Howard TV guys tried to run the commercial for him but he asked them not to do that. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard and Artie also brought up the argument they had about oil and vinegar and vinaigrette on the show one time. Howard said he doesn't think that he and Beth have a problem so he's not sure why they need Dr. Keith to help them out. Artie said that if he thought that Howard was in a bad relationship, he's not sure if he could bring it up to him or not.
Howard said that he was the one who wanted to do this on the air but he didn't pressure Beth to do it. Gary said that she really wasn't pressured, he spoke to her about it and he didn't even have to talk her into doing it. She heard the idea and went with it. Howard got a note from Gary that was from Dr. Keith explaining what they were going to be talking about when they do this thing tomorrow. Howard said that he and Beth don't argue much, they had one major argument down in Florida one time and he ended up closing the door on her so he wouldn't have to talk to her about it.
Howard said that was just a little teaser for what they had coming up tomorrow. He moved on and took some phone calls. One woman said that her cousin is the new receptionist there at the building and she was saying that Ronnie has been hitting on her down there. Ronnie came in a short time later to ask what that was about. The girl on the phone said that her cousin is only 22 years old. Ronnie said that he gave her a cupcake one morning and he's nice to her, is there something wrong with that? Ronnie said that she's a nice girl and he likes her. He said that she's very shy and quiet and he brings her a cupcake once a week.
The woman said that she'd be fine with Artie hitting on her so Ronnie gave her a ''fuck you'' to her when he heard that. Artie said that some of the girls that work out there are really hot.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Maroon 5 was great covering the Beatles song yesterday and he said it might have been one of the best covers of their songs that he's ever heard. That led to Howard replaying the song again. The caller said he had a question for Robin before he got off the phone. Howard kind of rushed him so the guy just said he loves Artie and he hopes he's okay. Howard thanked him for that and moved on to another call. One guy said that the song he keeps playing belongs as the theme song for the ''Who Gives a Shit Channel.''
Another caller said that he watched the Hottest Regular Chick contest and Ralph killed it for his girlfriend. He said she refused to even watch the show with him because of Ralph. Howard said that Ralph did slow him down a little bit that day.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he went through similar things that Paris Hilton is going through. He said he ended up in jail for driving drunk multiple times so he understands why she was put in jail. Howard said Jeff was making a good point. He said that it's not just Paris who is going to jail for doing stuff like that. Howard asked him how his ass is doing but Artie was doing his impression of Jeff while Howard was playing the part of Barbara Walters.
Jeff said his ass his healing and he goes to see the doctor this week. Artie asked him if he's sweating out the morphine yet. Jeff said he's got two left and he's weaning himself off of it. Artie said that was very responsible of him to do that. Howard told him that he can get back to his regular life after that. He let him go a short time later.
Gary came in and asked JD if he's in some crazy kind of credit card debt. He said that he does owe a few thousand dollars. Howard tried to give him some advice about that but JD kept saying ''I know, I know'' over and over again. Gary told him he could have paid off some of that debt instead of blowing that $800 on a stripper. Howard said they have to straighten that kid out. JD was also saying that he was using an ATM machine at the club so there's an ATM fee of $10 for each use. Gary said you can only take out $100 at a time and they charge 10 bucks each time so he spent an extra $80 on ATM fees.
Howard told JD that he's a nerd, he should be spending that $800 on Star Wars junk. He spent a short time talking to JD about the kind of money he spends when he goes there after Ronnie came in and said that JD has done this before. He said that he's spent his tax return money in the past as well. Artie told him to spend the money on coke or something, not on a stripper. He has nothing to show for it now.
Howard found out that JD has a favorite girl at Scores so they talked to him about her. JD said he's not in love with the girl but Ronnie said that he is. Ronnie said that this guy Carlo from Howard TV and JD have fought over that girl before. Howard said it seems like JD is falling into a strange pattern. He wondered if he needs some kind of talking to. JD said he doesn't, he's going to put an end to this behavior. Howard said he could have him into his office to talk to him like he did with Artie. JD just laughed and said he's fine.
Gary came in and said that the guys out in the office are getting pissed hearing this because JD has said he can't afford to go out to L.A. To visit the porn chick, but if he had spent that $800 on a plane ticket, he could do that. JD said he knows he screwed up. Artie said that's the kind of advice no one wants to hear, the kid knows he screwed up.
Miss Howard Stern (Andrea) came in dressed in a bikini. Howard told her that it wasn't the formal interview, they'd get to that later. Andrea said they didn't let her bring her guns up there with her. She said that they have this internet show ''Girls and Guns'' going on and that's what the guns were from. She said they're real guns but she didn't know what they were shooting at. She said that she gets paid to do it but she doesn't start until the 23rd of this month. She said that she's shot guns before but not a semi-automatic gun.
Howard asked Miss Howard Stern if she had her boobs done again. She said they were the same ones she had last time. Howard told her they had to go to break so they could bring Chris Cornell in. He gave her a plug for GirlsAndGuns.com as he was going to break.
Chris told Howard that he was at a point in Audioslave where they weren't getting along and it was getting harder to make music together. He said that people deal with success differently and things change. Howard asked him where he grew up and found out he was from Seattle. Chris said he learned how to read music and stuff when he was young but he felt like it was school so he gave it up for a while.
Chris said that he had a bunch of brothers and sisters so he managed to get himself into trouble when he was a young kid. He said that he was smoking weed and drinking when he was about 12. He said he'd take anything that would come along back then. He said he tried PCP one time and that's what really did him in. Artie said that he smoked a joint one time that had angel dust on it and it was kind of weird and not-so-pleasant. Chris said he swore off that stuff after that. He was only 14 at the time and cleaned up for 2 years or so. Then he started drinking and in his 30s he really started drinking a lot. He had to go through rehab and now he doesn't drink. He said he doesn't do any of that stuff now. Chris said he's really not a miserable asshole now because he's not all hung over every day.
Howard read that Chris' father was a pharmacist so maybe that inspired him to try out all of that stuff. Chris said that's possible. Howard asked him about how he got started in music. Chris told Howard he was really a drummer but he started to learn guitar so he could write some cool songs. Howard said that the women must not have been tough to come by. Chris said that the girls started coming to him almost overnight. It's just being on stage that attracts them. He said that anyone on stage looks good to some women.
Artie asked Chris some questions about Soundgarden and that led to Howard asking him about hanging out with the guys from Pearl Jam. Chris said that Eddie Vedder is one of his best friends and he's really one of the most down to earth guys out there. Chris also said that the guys in Alice in Chains were like The Monkees because they lived in the same out and lived the real Rock Star life. Chris said he wasn't that close to Kurt Cobain from Nirvana though. He said he'd had friends die before that and it was a shame, but he had been through that stuff already. He said it was a drag and wished it hadn't happened. He said that maybe if he had hung on for another 6 months things would have been different.
Howard gave Chris a plug for his new album ''Carry On'' and took some phone calls. One guy said he didn't think that Chris fit in with the guys in Audioslave. Chris said he thought the albums they did were great though. Howard said that it has to be a drag when you have to split up the money with guys like that. Howard talked to Chris about going out on tour with the bands. Chris said it doesn't make a difference to him if he's playing to 2,000 or 20,000 people though.
Howard asked Chris about his wife and found out he met her in France. Chris said she grew up there on Long Island but lives in France now. He said that he can't speak French but he loves living over there with her. That led to Howard asking Chris about his parents and finding out that he doesn't speak to them. Chris said that his parents weren't around for him when he was growing up. He hasn't spoken to them in about 3 years now. He said he sees one of his brothers but no one else. Chris said he doesn't really go back to Seattle anymore.
Howard said that's pretty mind blowing that he doesn't speak to his parents. Chris said he doesn't hate them or anything. He said that they don't try to get in touch with him and he doesn't bother with them. He said they probably don't even know his number. They could get in touch with him if they really wanted to. Robin said that her parents would try to talk to her but she would refuse to talk to them. Howard asked Chris if he'd go to their funeral when they die. He said he might. He didn't sound like he was convinced that he would. Howard wondered if there's any sadness there thinking about how he's not that close. Chris said that they didn't abuse him or anything as a kid but they just weren't there for him. He said he thinks that he's the opposite of his father with his own son.
Howard said that you tend to take on traits of your parents whether you want to or not. He said that he got some stuff from his father that he can't avoid. Howard asked Chris about his divorce and figured he got cleaned out pretty good from that.
Howard asked Chris about getting a Grammy and wondered if he accepted the award. Chris said they did think that they looked like they didn't care even though they really did. He thinks that it's great that they won the two Grammy's they won. He said that his wife had taken them when they split and claimed she didn't have them. She eventually gave them back to him though. He said he had gotten married when he was about 24 and it was right before they hit it big. He said that his first girlfriend stabbed him and his next girlfriend tried to kill herself and her mother so he's had some interesting experiences.
Howard said he heard that Chris had some kind of stalker too so he asked about that. Chris said that's an ongoing thing and they're still trying to find the people who are doing that stuff but it's tough going through the internet to track them down. He's not even sure how many he has but he knows he's got at least one. He said that there are some people who will eventually give up on stalking him and just leave him alone.
Howard said that Chris has agreed to play an acoustic version of ''Black Hole Sun'' so he was going to have him do that. He had a guy come in who they had agreed to let come in to see Chris perform. The guy said he's a big fan of Chris' and called in last week asking to come in and see Chris perform. Howard let him come in to watch and Dave said that he thinks that Chris has helped him get through some tough times in his life. He said that music helps him deal with stuff he's dealt with and it was Chris' music that had helped him. Howard had Chris perform his song ''Black Hole Sun'' after that.
After the song Howard said he was thinking during the song about Chris' parents and how he might have ended up like Hanson if his parents were good to him. He said that all kinds of things were racing through his mind. He asked Chris when he wrote the song. Chris said he was driving home one night when it all came to him. He said the lyrics and even the music came to him during that car ride. Howard said it must be like someone is entertaining him in his head or something like that. Chris said that is kind of how it is and that's how he writes his songs. He said that when he was in Audioslave they would spend a lot of time writing songs together.
Chris talked about the other bands he's been in over the years. They talked about some of the songs he's done as well like ''Spoon Man'' which is one that Howard really liked. Artie asked him if that was about heroin addiction. Chris laughed and said it really wasn't. He said it was about this guy Artie who does this spoon thing out in Seattle and plays spoons. He said the guy is really incredible and appeared in the video for the song. Howard said it's weird when the song is actually about what the title is.
Artie asked if they had anything to do with the videos that Soundgarden did back when they were doing them. He was wondering what the fuck was going on in the video for ''Black Hole Sun.'' Chris said that they just let the director do what he wanted to do and that's what came out. Chris also talked about how he had people trying to lock him down to some acting stuff but he never really did get into it. He said that he was offered the chance to do one movie but he turned it down and didn't see it until a few years later.
Howard took some phone calls for Chris. One guy said he had goose bumps from the song he had just performed. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told him he was great. Another guy said that he's a big fan of the old stuff and not so much for the new stuff. He asked if the Soundgarden guys are performing at all. He said that Matt Cameron is playing in Pearl Jam and one of the other guys has a band called Hater and they're great. He said he still talks to those guys occasionally.
Ralph called in and asked Chris if he could perform Spoon Man for them. Chris didn't think he could do that, he wasn't set up right. Howard said he was going to play a track from the new album. Ralph thought that this guy Dave who was in was kind of a stalker. He said the guy has gone to see Chris like 10 times on one tour and claiming that the music was something that helped him out. Howard said that music can affect you in strange ways. That got Artie talking about how Neil Young music affects him. He was also talking about a Soundgarden song that helped him get through some tough times. He said that the lyrics ''Blow up the outside world'' is what he was hoping would happen back then when he was going through this stuff.
Howard said that Chris is going to be at The Beacon Theater in New York at the end of July so he said he wants to go see that. Dave mentioned that he covered some of Chris' stuff and that's when they found out he's got his own band. Dave got in a plug for his Myspace page which is at Myspace.com/lintband. Howard played one of his covers and Chris told him he sounded good. Howard said it's really not easy to make it as a musician. Chris said it really is tough and he was working at a fish market back before he made it.
Howard thanked Chris for coming in and also thanked Dave. He then said he was going to play one of Chris' new songs called ''She'll Never Be Your Man.'' He tried to figure out what that meant so Chris explained it to everyone. They spent a minute on that and found out it's about a guy who loses a woman to another woman. The guys talked about how that happened to Lou Diamond Phillips. Chris said he had never heard anyone else write a song like that.
Howard asked Chris if he would ever have two chicks in the room at the same time. He said he doesn't think that would be a good idea so he can't imagine it ever happening. Howard played the new song as he was going to break after wrapping up with Chris.
Howard said that Miss Howard Stern was coming in. She came in a short time later and her bottle of Jack was gone. She just bought it last night and she was sounding very drunk. Andrea said that she's been trying to compose herself to represent the show. Howard said she got completely blasted while Chris was in there. She claimed she wasn't blasted. Howard said she was just drinking that stuff straight out of the bottle. Andrea walked a straight line for them but Artie said he wanted to see her topless.
Howard said she could walk this tape line in the studio but she wasn't walking heel to toe. She said that Will was pushing her but he claimed he wasn't. Howard told her to sit down and didn't care if she could walk a straight line.
Andrea was wearing a bikini according to Howard. She also had a holster on to promote this gun shooting thing she was there to promote. She said that she's not nude in it but she wants to be. She said she has a hot, hot body. She said that KC fucked her so she must have a hot body. She said that she's 24 years old now and it's pretty much over at this point. She said she wants to show them her naked body since she is hot. Andrea said she wants more than to show her body for 5 seconds. She said she wants it to be more than that. She said she wants Playboy and she thinks she's hot enough for that.
Howard read that Andrea had an abortion and then had another one within 4 weeks or so. Andrea sat down and told Howard that her 7 year old is a big fan of his and went on to explain how she had this abortion recently and her husband got upset about that. She said that the guy was upset about it but she wasn't ready to have another kid, especially with that guy. She said that she would like to find a guy like KC. She was telling Howard some of this stuff and Artie was laughing his ass off.
Andrea was talking about KC and how she'd love to be with him even though she had been with him already. She said that he's actually managing her now. She was crying as she was talking about it. Howard asked her why she was crying like that. She said that she's not sure if she'll ever have him even though she gets everything she wants. She said that there are things in between them. She said that their feelings are mutual. She said that he flew out there and left his girlfriend behind so he must be in love with her. She said that he really is a great man. Howard said that if he was really into her, maybe he would leave his girlfriend.
Gary told Andrea to tell Howard what it is about KC that she loves. She said that he's never yelled at her or cursed her out. He's always been there for her and has treated her very well. She said she's always been there for him as well. Robin asked when they were there for each other. Andrea said that they see each other as much as they can. She said that she would marry him today if she could. She said if she got pregnant from him, she wouldn't get an abortion.
Andrea said that she was dating an 18 year old after she got divorced and she got pregnant again and had to have another abortion. She said she couldn't believe it when she found out she was pregnant again. She said the doctor told her that she was and she had to get another abortion. She has birth control but it must not work. She said she even uses condoms.
Andrea said that she's not sure what she's going to do about KC. She said that she would like to be with him but he's too busy worrying about supporting himself. She aid that if she had her own reality TV show, she could afford to be with him. She said that she thinks she'll end up like Anna Nicole Smith in 10 or 12 years. She said if she had her own reality TV show, which she'd like on In Demand, she could do a great job. She said that she'd like it on there so it can be real. She said she could curse on there if it was on In Demand. Howard said he might have to talk to the Howard TV guys about that.
Howard heard that Andrea got her vagina pierced so he asked to see it. She got a tattoo down there too so she showed it to Howard. He said it looked like a heart over her ''vagine'' and her hood was pierced down there too. She said it's such good sex with that pierced down there. She said that she lives for doing stuff like she's doing now. She said that KC got her the job with the Girls and Guns thing.
Artie mentioned that Andrea has murdered two babies so far. Andrea said it's actually four. She was there with another woman who the guys were saying was really hot. Theresa came in a short time later so Howard asked her what she was doing there. Theresa said that she does the casting for the Girls and Guns thing. She cast Andrea for the part she has in it. Howard said he doesn't get the guns and girls thing. Andrea had her head phones off for a second so Howard asked her what was wrong. She said that she had overdosed on Meth and said that someone had shot her up. She didn't say who had done that to her though.
Andrea whipped out her boobs for the first time ever. She said that she didn't care anymore and showed them to the guys. She then started licking her nipples for them. Howard got back to Theresa and asked her what was going on there. Theresa said they're going to take out some extra insurance for her when she comes to work for them. Howard gave them some plugs for this web site GirlsAndGuns.com where Andrea will be showing up at the end of the month. Theresa told Howard they're going to have her shooting guns so Artie told her that was a great idea. Andrea was also saying that her ex-husband is trying to kill her but Howard said that he found that hard to believe.
Howard asked Andrea if she could fuck Artie. She said that she can't fuck him because of her morals. She said that she has to fuck guys that she wants to fuck. She said that she's never fucked a guy she didn't want to. She bragged that she's never had an STD because of that. Artie said that she's had like 18 abortions though.
Howard gave Theresa another plug for this GirlsAndGuns.com web site and talked about that a little bit more. Andrea whipped out her boobs again. She went on to say that she really wants to be in Playboy and thinks she's hot enough to be in there. She said she wouldn't go in as a model, she'd only go in as Miss Howard Stern. Artie asked if they could see her asshole because she wasn't being all that revealing today. Andrea asked if he really wanted to see it and bent over to show him. She then asked for a hug from Howard and tried to kiss him. He told her he couldn't do that because he's engaged to Beth.
Gary asked if they should get her to ride the Sybian since she's doing everything else today. She said that she'd do anything he wants. Howard told the guys to get the Sybian out for her then and asked her to be genuine on it. She got on the machine and Gary told her what was going to happen. She told Gary where to keep the speed at. Andrea said she was feeling something and so Howard asked her to make some noise if she wanted to. She said she was going to do it but acted it out instead of just letting it happen. She was moaning and saying ''Oh yeah'' and some other things. Howard told her she was a good actress with that and wrapped up with her a short time later. He told her not to kill herself, she must have something to live for. She started to cry again. Howard told her that she'll always be Miss Howard Stern. She then put the word out to Charlie, Miss Black Howard Stern, that she'll always be Miss Howard Stern.
Ralph called in and goofed on Andrea's fake orgasm and said it was probably the best Sybian ride ever. She started to do it again for them and Ralph said she sounds like a retard. Isaac from Howard TV asked if she would get off if they put up a picture of KC for her to look at. Andrea was bragging about being a great actress but Ralph kept goofing on her saying that she was a great actress but making her awful fake orgasm sounds like she was retarded. Howard was trying to end the interview but Andrea kept going telling him how much she loves him and saying that he's ''the fucking shit.''
Gary congratulated her for not coming and getting drunk and sloppy like she said earlier in the morning. He was being sarcastic of course because she was a mess. Howard went to break a short time later.
Artie told Howard that he'd be better off doing his own movie instead of doing someone else's. Howard said he gets offered some weird bullshit parts and he's not sure what he'd do.
Steve said that Bob Levy and the Miserable Men Show will be back on Sunday nights from 6-8pm starting this weekend. Steve also got in some plugs for Jackie's Joke hunt and Riley Martin's show which air tonight.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had just seen Beth on Regis and Kelly this morning. Howard said he forgot to mention that. The guy said that she looked amazing this morning. The guy said that Beth did good and talked about the dog adoption thing and about living in the same building as Regis. The guy asked to get a tour of the studio so Howard gave it to him since he had kissed his ass so well.
Jon Hein came in and said that they'd be talking about Miss Howard Stern's visit today. They'll also talk about Chris Cornell's visit. They'll also talk about JD's visit to Scores where he blew $800. Howard wrapped up with them and had Robin start her news. They started her off with the Ham Hands guy's reenactment of the 1996 song parody he sent in about Robin.
Howard read one e-mail where the guy said he canceled his HBO Monday morning. Howard said he can't see doing that unless he was part of some movement where everyone wanted to cancel. Robin read that they had about 11 million viewers on Sunday night so that was a big rating for them.
Ralph called in and bragged that Mark Tinker had called him last night and told him he was right that it was a great ending for the show. Fred said that means that we can expect to see some more awful endings to shows if that's the case. He also said that's probably why the guy from ''Lost'' said that the ending was great because he probably can't come up with an ending for that show and will pull a similar stunt.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard was going to end the show but Artie had a plug. He said he's going to be up in the Massachusetts area doing a comedy show on August 3rd and 4th. He said that you can check out his web site Artie-Lange.com for more information. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about Dr. Keith Ablow coming in today to council he and Beth. Artie said that is the most fascinating radio bit he's ever heard of but he thinks that it's going to ruin Howard and Beth's happiness. Robin asked Howard why he thought it was going to be interesting and hopes that he's going to be open and cooperative. Howard said he will do that. He said he saw Beth this morning and she told him she doesn't want him bringing up details of their sex lives.
Howard said that he and Beth were in the middle of making love last night, not just having sex, but making love, and she asked him if they should talk about having sex the night before. Howard told her that they should. He said that if it gets boring with Dr. Keith, they'll just have to bring it to an end. Artie was trying to tell him something and Howard cut him off saying this microphone was sounding kind of off today. It wasn't Artie, it was the microphone that was a little off. They played around with some Mike Walker audio clips where he keeps saying ''hello'' over and over.
Howard said he loves the phone calls that the guys make using audio clips of people talking. He said that Richard took some Steve Langford audio clips and prank called a guy using those clips. He called a newspaper company and told him that he had some issues with the newspaper delivery boy and put his ''dad'' on the phone. His dad was Steve Langford audio clips. Howard said it's so mean when they do stuff like that. In the clip Steve talks about how he didn't record this fight he saw going on. The paper guy argues with the clips for a short time and tells him to come down there and they can fight it out there.
Howard said that he went around singing ''Black Hole Sun'' all yesterday. He said after Chris Cornell sang it he couldn't get it out of his head. He asked Artie if he was doing that at all. Artie said he loves the song but it wasn't stuck in his head. He had a mouth full of food when he said that so Robin goofed on him about that. Artie said he was storing nuts for winter. Howard asked Robin when she last ate solid food. She said this is the 11th day without any. She's still on her diet.
Howard asked Fred what he thought about that performance of ''Black Hole Sun.'' Fred said it was great and he also thinks that his voice is one of the best in rock these days. Howard replayed the performance after talking to Fred about it.
Howard said he was walking around singing that all day long but he really has no idea what the fuck he's singing about. Robin said that's one of those songs that you just make up your own meaning and don't care about what it really means. Howard said they got a lot of nice comments about that song so he read through some of the e-mails. One person said they've had some great guests lately. There was one person who said that Howard was kind of weird because he tells some people that they shouldn't go out on their own but then told Chris that he was doing the right thing for going out solo. Howard said that it's all about assessing your abilities and someone like Andy Richter shouldn't have left Conan O'Brien's show. Howard said that he's not even so sure that Chris should have left Soundgarden because he's not very familiar with Audioslave's stuff.
JD came in and said that he went on the web and found that Chris Cornell says the lyrics to ''Black Hole Sun'' mean nothing and they're just nonsense. Howard said he doesn't believe that at all.
Howard continued to play the clip where Riley talks about the power that the aliens have and how they've caused the black outs in New York City when they knocked out the power with their power flux line or something like that. He said the aliens could do that to the whole world if they wanted to but they haven't done that so far.
Howard and the guys goofed on Riley's pronunciation of a few words. Howard said they really love their science fiction stories. He said that Gary Garver went out to a Star Wars convention and got some interviews. He had Gary get Gary Garver on the phone so he could talk to him about that. Garver interviewed one guy who stayed in his helmet while he was being interviewed. He was muffled and could barely hear Garver's questions. Garver asked him what character he was playing and if he had picked up any girls in his costume. The guy claimed he had.
Howard played another clip where Garver asked another character, Darth Nihilus, about his character and then asked him if he lives at home with his mother. He also asked him if he feels gay for being into Star Wars. The guy started to get angry with the questions and asked Gary the same things. The guy said that Garver was acting like an asshole. Garver shot back at him saying he was an asshole for dressing the way he did. Howard told him that maybe he shouldn't goof on people and just interview them. Baba Booey told Howard that the character was from a video game, not even from one of the movies.
Howard played another clip where Garver interviewed another guy in a mask. The guy didn't like the line of questioning and told Gary that they were retarded. The guy walked away from him after a couple of questions that he didn't like. Garver said that the guy was dressed up like one of those Stormtroopers. Howard said that he should just let the people answer their questions instead of goofing on them the way he was. He wouldn't even let the people answer anything without goofing on them. Howard told Gary he's really not better than these people because he's done some strange things in his life as well. They brought up how his ex-wife was saying that he was stalking her. Garver said that wasn't true and he never did that. He said he wasn't stalking her, he was just talking to her.
Howard and the guys talked to Garver about the bible passages he was writing out and how odd that was. Garver said he was doing that for himself, not for his ex-wife. He was going through some tough times back then. He hasn't been going to church that much these days but he still reads the bible. They were saying that Garver is a really angry guy but Garver claims he's not. Howard said that a lot of angry guys read the bible like that. Garver insisted that he's not angry. Then they brought up how he beat up his brother out in Las Vegas one time. Garver explained that and said he deserved it. Howard told Garver that he should probably study the way of the Jedi to keep himself calm. Garver said he likes Star Trek better so that probably won't happen.
Fred told a story about how his brother used to beat him up when he was a kid. Howard told him to go beat him up now since he boxes as a hobby these days. Fred said he thinks they're too old for that now. Gary (Baba) also had a story to tell about seeing a fight one time between a couple of sisters. He said it was a full on, hair pulling fight.
Gary told Howard that the one guy they had just listened to was this character Jango Fett (he was saying Jingo) so Howard spent a couple of minutes going over that. Richard came in and told them some stories about how Jango is the father of Boba Fett and filled them in on the details. He also said that the character Darth Nihilus in that video game doesn't even talk, he just makes a series of noises. Artie said it would be great if they had a Howard Stern Convention where the fans dress up as the characters from the show. They mentioned some of the names of the people who have been mentioned on the show over the years and how the more obscure they are, the cooler they'd be. Howard said it would be great if there were like 30,000 Howard's and only one JD.
The guys threw around names like Dead Air Dave and Andre who were the guys who pushed the delay button over the years. There was Luis the Board Op, Cabbie, Bucky, Tom Chiusano, Kathy Tobin. Artie said that someone could be Gary Garver.
Richard asked Garver how many people have signed up on his web site. He said he's got about 5 subscribers right now. He said that it's only $5 a month so it's not all that bad. He's got video clips up there and he had Blue Iris on recently. He said he's had Penthouse Pet Charlie Lane on with him and she's going to be co-hosting the show with him soon. He said the shows are put up for free over there. He's got other exclusive clips of his interviews there for the paid subscribers.
Richard said that Gary should just fight people on there because he's so angry. Garver asked why they think he's so angry. Howard said that he was antagonizing those guys so he could have just let them be. Howard gave Gary a plug for his web site GaryGarver.com and let him go.
Doug Goodstein came in and said they could put together something for Howard TV and actually have this convention. Howard said they might have to do it. Robin said that they could have the people like Beetlejuice show up for autograph sessions. Howard told Artie to be Ed Torian the lie detector guy. Howard said he might have to be the guy who does the Oprah Winfrey Negro Woman from the South thing. Robin said she could be that woman who cries and asks to be a star. Gary said he tried to get a hold of her but her number has been disconnected.
Howard threw out more names like Yaqi the Tickler, Dan the Song Parody Man and some others. He said he'll have to think about having that convention. He had to go to break after that.
Lisa came in and said that she can't wait for Dr. Keith to come in this morning. She said he should go around the room and figure all of them out. Howard said that Sal must be having some real issues with his wife because he refused to bring his wife in today. Sal came in and said that they almost got divorced last month and now they're going to counseling and things are getting better. He said that they had ''veered apart'' and a lot of shit went down and things got really heavy.
Sal said he got a mystery call from someone and thought that she was cheating. He said that she had developed an emotional relationship with another person but she claims that she didn't do anything physical. Artie said that the guy probably wants to fuck her even if she's not doing anything. Sal said he's known this guy for a long time and she used to work with the guy. Sal said he took his wife for granted and that's what he's learned in therapy. He said that she's still not blowing him but they are getting along.
Sal said that they were driving to therapy one day and he told her that his problem is that he wants her to blow him and he can't get that. He said that he's been trying to give her emotional support and that's apparently what she needs according to the therapist. That led to the guys goofing on Sal for sitting and listening to his wife's problems. Sal said that he has a hard time pulling that stuff off, listening to his wife and all. He said that he'd come home from work and his wife would ask him what he did. He didn't want to talk about it so he'd just say ''nothing'' and try to avoid it. Artie said that not getting sex is a major thing in a relationship so he can understand him being upset.
Howard asked Sal if his wife is blowing him now. Sal said ''not yet'' so Howard said that a chick wants you to act like you did when you first started dating them. Sal said that it's tough because she won't give him oral but she could go right out and blow another guy if she felt like it. He's there to support her and she won't blow him. Sal said his wife was saying she won't give him sex because he hasn't earned his reward yet.
Gary came in and said that Sal told him that his therapist told him it might take two years to get them back on track. He said he told Sal to find a different therapist. Howard asked him if it's a guy or a woman. Sal said he found an ''old Jew broad.'' He said that they have started to have sex lately but he's still not getting blown. Howard told him that he should have come in with Dr. Keith Ablow, that would have been great. Howard said he thinks that he and Beth are going to be boring but the other guys don't think that's the case.
Fred said that he was reading a list of the things that couples fight about most and Sal probably has all of them on his list. Howard and Beth don't have many, if any of them on their list. He said the things were Money, Sex, Work, Children and Housework. Howard and Beth don't have to worry about any of that stuff. The guys spent a few minutes talking about all of that stuff and got back to Sal and his wife. Howard asked Sal why he buys that his wife didn't go out and cheat on him. He said he'd demand that he get the blow job immediately. Sal said that all he wanted was to get his wife back no matter what happened. He said that he just wanted what he had when he first met her. He said he really loves her and he just wanted that stuff back.
Howard asked Sal about this other guy that his wife had been communicating with. He said that she was on the phone and emailing this guy a lot. He said on Mother's day he presented her with all of the stuff he had collected. Sal said that she had said that she loved the guy in an e-mail so he asked her about that. She said that she loved him as a friend, that's it. Howard said that the guy isn't the problem though, she's the one who is acting on it. Sal said that they've led him to believe that he was the one pushing his wife away so whatever happened in that relationship is in the past and he doesn't care.
Gary said that the guys back there are saying that it seems like Sal has been brainwashed into thinking that whatever she did was his fault. Artie said that's the way it seems to him. Robin told Sal that she's proud of him for going through this stuff which didn't seem to be the same thing Artie and Howard were saying to him.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that whatever he's learning now can only help him, even if he ends up getting divorced. He also said that the most interesting thing is that he brought up all of this stuff on Mother's Day. He said that he could have done it on any other day of the year. Sal said he was going to do it on that Saturday but his son had his communion. He said that he waited until that night after the kids were asleep.
Sal said that he's such a mess right now that he hasn't even been masturbating lately. He isn't visiting the booths or anything like that right now. Howard said that Sal probably has a clit down below now because he's been emasculated. Dominic asked how many therapists they have. They have just the one right now but Sal said that his wife is like another one. Dominic told him to get a therapist of his own to talk to because this single therapist is hearing stuff from both of them.
Sal said that this therapist costs him $135 per hour so he just sits there and listens to the two women babbling. King of All Blacks called in and said that it seems like Sal's wife just doesn't like him anymore. He said that this therapy shit is something he doesn't believe in. He seemed to think that she just doesn't like him and they should move on. Another caller said that his wife ended up having a one night stand with a mutual friend of theirs but they're still together. He said that he was being a total dick to his wife and now he realizes that. The guy said the guy was a friend of his so it was really hard to go back to having sex with his wife. He said there was no emotional tie to that guy though.
Sal said that it was just weird laying there next to his wife knowing all of this stuff. Howard asked him if the guy visited his house while he was at work. Sal said no to that but he didn't sound so sure about that. Gary told Howard that Sal went through and found all of this stuff that his wife was doing an found this code ''143'' in the email and discovered that it's a code for ''I Love You.'' The 1 is for I, the 4 is for the four letters in Love and the 3 is the 3 letters in You. He said that's how he found out about that and confronted her on it. She said that it's just a friendly kind of love and she's not in love with him.
Sal said that she still sees this guy at work so that's another issue they have in therapy. He said that he told his wife to end the relationship and she did that but then she thought that the guy was going to kill himself so she didn't know what to do.
A phone caller told Howard that he did something similar to what Sal's wife did. He said that it was probably more than an emotional affair. Sal said he doesn't care about that, he knows what he did was wrong not paying more attention to his wife so he just wants to move on. Robin said that Sal is impressing her more than she ever thought he could. Sal went on to say that the therapist told him to let his wife go ahead and say goodbye to this guy the way she really wants to. Sal said he's trying to do the right thing but he didn't want to let her do that. The caller said that his wife should have just told him what he was doing wrong instead of doing what she did.
Sal said that he loves his wife dearly and he's doing what he can to get things back to where they were. He said that he thinks that they're really bonding at this point and he doesn't want to screw it up. Howard said he kind of knew about this but didn't want to talk to Sal about it off the air personally. Robin said she did notice that Sal hadn't been on the air much lately. Gary said that Sal was really rocked when all of this went down and he actually wanted to take him and hug him when it all went down.
Gary asked Sal if he told his wife he was going to talk about this on the air. He hadn't so Gary wondered if there were going to be issues. Sal wasn't sure but he didn't seem to think there were going to be any problems. Howard told him to ask her if she would come on with Dr. Keith Ablow later this morning. Sal made the call and his wife said she didn't want to do it on the air. Sal tried to ask her if she wanted to talk to Howard now. Sal told her