Howard started off the show saying that Jason was throwing up from being so hungry this morning. He was going to get to the Battle of the Blobs weigh in so they could get that out of the way before Jason died. Artie said that Benjy looked sick from not eating.
Howard mentioned that Cylaris weight loss was the sponsor of the contest and then Gary came in and said that they were supposed to have someone there this morning to present the check but it was earlier than they expected. Gary also said that they talked about how when he did the contest he stopped eating and drinking at about 6 o'clock the night before the final weigh in. These guys stopped eating days ago.
Jason came in and said that he's been on a mostly fluid diet for the past couple of weeks and he's really tired this morning. Benjy said he has fasted for the past 7 days and it's not that big of a deal to him. Jason said that Benjy pulls out all of these wrestling weight loss things that he knows about. Benjy told Jason that he thought that he could win if he didn't eat much over the weekend. Benjy also told the guys that he just got back from an all night sauna where he was trying to lose his weight. He said he had gained those pounds and pounds of weight back during the contest by drinking water.
Jason was really out of it so Howard told him that he could screw himself up by not eating. He said he's had some help in the weight loss area from people who know what they're doing. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he fasted for the past week himself but he didn't deny himself nutrients. Robin said that Benjy had shaved his head and he was hiding that under his hat. He was trying to lose every bit of weight he could.
Howard told the guys to go over and get weighed. Brian Phelan from Howard TV was first up. He started out at 241 pounds, he got on the scale and came in at 217 which was the same as last week. Howard told him ''Way to go out with a fizzle...'' He didn't lose anything from last week's weigh in. Howard had Scott the Engineer get on the scale and he came in at 213 pounds. He lost 9 from last week. He lost 19.32 percent total according to Gary. Howard told him he could win with that kind of weight loss.
Howard went to Jason next. Jason started out at 271 pounds and weighed in at 212 this week. He lost 21.77 percent of his weight. Will said Benjy was sweating like crazy when he went up to the scale. Benjy tried to speak but his mouth was dry from not drinking any water. Howard told Scott that he was going to lose the contest and probably come in second because that's the way things go with him. Benjy was thanking people for the contest and Gary was pointing out that he was sweating like crazy.
Howard had Benjy get on the scale to show them how much he lost. He started out at 267 pounds. Today he came in at 203. He beat Jason with a 23 percent weight loss. Howard said he couldn't believe that Jason lost to him. Tim Sabean wasn't there but everyone knew he didn't have a chance of winning. Here's how it all played out:
Benjy lost 27 pounds in a week so Howard asked him how that can happen. Benjy said it was all water. Jason said he can't believe that he lost that much weight in a week but he did congratulate him. Robin said Benjy looked crazy this morning and he was acting crazy as well. Benjy said that Scott and Jason made a fatal error and said that they just didn't do as well as him. He said if they had fasted a little earlier and maybe used the Cylaris, they could have won. Scott thought that Benjy was up to tricks over the past 10 weeks. Scott wanted to wrestle him and they started to get into a little fight but Howard had them break it up.
Benjy started to sing a song about his $20,000 win. He said he had to thank Cylaris for the help in the win. Howard said he really thought that Jason was going to win the contest after last week. Jason said he didn't feel so bad until this morning on his way in. He said he walked to work from downtown and threw up when he got there. He said he was making copies in the office and felt nauseous so he went and threw up.
Benjy said that he went and got a colonic and the people he got it from knew Robin because she used to get the colonics. Robin said he was nuts and didn't know what he was talking about. Benjy said they told him that her colonics were great because of the stuff that would come out of her when they'd do them. Robin said that she used to have a lot of carrots come out of her.
Gary said it's like they gave their entire staff crystal meth because of the way they were acting. Artie said he had five grand for the guy who could gain the most weight by 11 o'clock this morning. He said he was serious but no one really paid much attention because Scott and Benjy were still arguing. Gary said he knows that Jason is crushed because he was banking on winning this 20 grand. Jason said he's not angry at Benjy for winning but he is upset that he lost.
Howard had Benjy take off his shirt so they could look at his body after this huge weight loss. He lifted up his shirt and still had hanging skin. Howard asked him what he was going to do to get rid of that. He said he still has more weight to lose and then asked for a bottle of water from Howard since he was so dry.
Howard said Brian Phelan was the biggest mystery to him. Brian said he knew he didn't have a chance of winning so he kind of gave up early. Benjy was acting weird so the guys pointed that out and said it looked like he was on speed or something. Brian was the one pointing that out. Benjy told him not to accuse him of something like that because he's not on drugs. Brian asked him how it felt to be meth'd out but Benjy said it's just not right to accuse him of something like that.
Joey Boots called in and said it sounded odd to him that Benjy lost so much and he thinks he was up to something. He said that Tim Sabean should look into this. He thinks that he's dishonest and maybe he manipulated the scale or something. Benjy said he just had access to the internet and Cylaris and that's how he lost the weight. Benjy said he's going to try and get his parents a nice gift with these winnings and get them a better son. Howard said he can't answer seriously. Benjy eventually said that he was going to buy a house or something with the winnings.
Another caller said that he thinks Benjy cheated somehow. Howard didn't think he had. The caller said he didn't think that Benjy could have gained all of that weight that quickly because a gallon of water only weighs 7 pounds. Howard told the guys they could go eat. Artie said he would put up a grand for the person who could gain back the most weight. Howard didn't want to be a part of that and said that they shouldn't do that.
Jason had to leave the studio to get something to eat and left walking sideways. The guys said he was really out of it from starving himself. Another caller said that a gallon of water weighs 8.5 pounds and that's how Benjy started out the contest. The guys said they already knew that, he admitted to it.
Howard sent Artie over to the scale so they could find out how big he had gotten. Howard asked him how he got laid down there but Artie said he never said he did. He just said there were a bunch of Hooters chicks down there and they were hot blondes. He didn't get into details.
Artie got on the scale and weighed in at 303 pounds. Howard said he knew that he was over 300 now. Artie said that the more weight he gains, the more pussy he gets. Howard asked him what he's doing to get that heavy. He said he has to get a little alarmed at that but Artie said that he's upset about it. He said he does care that he's that big but he's not going to stop eating.
Artie said that when he started out on the show he was 195 pounds. The guys figure he was ''obese'' when he was at about 235 pounds or so. Howard said that this won't sink in to Artie until he hits about 350. Artie said he figures that he can get to 400 before he's stuck on the couch. He said he doesn't feel thin but he was running around over the weekend playing football and stuff.
Robin asked Artie about the pants he was wearing. He said someone bought them for him and they don't fit, and he knows it. Artie said he has no clothes that fit him. Artie said he had about 5 girls up in his hotel room that night down there in Miami. Howard asked him about getting laid but Artie kept denying that anything happened and there were no complications that Howard thought there might be.
Howard asked Artie if there's something that could complicate things if he did get laid down there. Artie said there could be. He wouldn't say what it was so Howard kept digging and digging trying to find out what happened. Artie said he did figure out the best way to possibly get laid while he's out on the road. He said it's having a private party that you're in control of.
Howard said that he saw some video from behind the scenes at a comedy show that Richard Christy was at. He was pissing in bottles and stuff like that. Richard came in and said that their weekend was the opposite of what Artie had. He said that they were stuck in a club where their dressing room was a closet and they had no bathroom. They had to walk through the crowd to get to the bathroom. Artie said he's done plenty of shows like that over the years.
Howard said Levy was eating some chick's ass up on stage. Richard said that was Blue Iris. Shuli said he gave it one lick and puked on stage. Richard said Levy went back and puked in the tub of beer they had in the back. Shuli said she came up to him with some medical marijuana and told him he could take a hit if he wanted. Shuli said he did try it and it was good stuff. He also said that just about everyone he met out there had medical marijuana out there.
Shuli said that they had this guy Ned there who was about 6'8'' tall and would walk them through the crowed to the bathroom. Sal wouldn't do that though. He was pissing in a bottle in the dressing room. He would leave the bottle of piss in there through the whole show. Howard saw video of it and he thought that it was really disgusting and not funny at all.
Howard said that it was a mess and Dr. Jules was saying that the infection could spread to his bone and that would be a big problem. Dr. Jules said that Jeff wasn't in pain so that was kind of odd because it should have been really painful. Shuli said he spoke to Jeff about it and he was scared to go to the hospital. He's apparently really afraid of doctors.
Dr. Jules said that this is very serious and it could lead to him needing a bone graft and stuff like that. Howard said he didn't know the medical term for Jeff but said it could be simply ''gross.'' Dr. Jules said that there are some people out there who can go through stuff like that and live no problem while other people go through similar things and die trying to fight it.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he's on his way home from Baltimore. Jeff said he's on his way home now and he will check himself into the hospital when he gets home. Jeff said it does hurt but he's used to the pain at this point. Jeff was yelling at Dr. Jules when he was trying to tell him he needs to go back to the hospital this week. Jeff said he's going to the hospital and will be back there tomorrow.
Howard said it's nice the way he gets belligerent with people who are trying to help him. Jeff's manager got on the phone and said that they're going to make sure he's in the hospital by tomorrow. He said he's pretty sure that Jeff's hygiene is fine but Dr. Jules said that's not the case. He said he's not sure exactly what the issue is but he thinks that Jeff needs to use an anti-bacterial soap when he showers.
Dr. Jules said that today is Melanoma Monday and everyone should go to the doctor to get their moles checked to see if they're cancerous. He's a dermatologist so that's why he brought that up. Artie said that this guy hung out with him down in Miami and he found out he works 2 days a week and takes 5 days to go down to Miami. Dr. Jules said he has a woman who works for him so he's able to do that. Artie said the guy looks just like Joe Torre and he's got a great boat down there in Miami.
Dr. Jules was telling Howard about the party Artie had up in his hotel room and how they were trying to round up some chicks but they turned out to be toothless Columbians. Howard wrapped up with Dr. Jules after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard why he bad mouthed the Superman Returns movie last week after he gave it a rave review when it came out. Howard said it's the same story over and over again and he thought about that after seeing Spider-Man 3. He said that in the Spider-Man movies they have different villains while with Superman it's always Lex Luthor.
Howard said Spider-Man grossed $148 million over the weekend breaking all kinds of records for opening day and for the whole weekend. He said he is thrilled with that because it means they'll probably make another one. Artie said that he read reviews and they were all saying that this was the worst of the three Spider-Man movies. Howard anted to know what people thought about it because he thought it was very good and the best of the three.
A phone caller said he didn't like Topher Grace as Venom because he was so nerdy. Howard said that was the whole point of that character and started to explain it but got frustrated and hung up on the guy. Howard heard that Richard Roeper gave the movie a thumbs down and he thinks he'd have to be nuts to do that after the crap they give thumbs up to on that show. Artie said Richard gave his movie ''Beer League'' a thumbs up and laughed as he was talking about that.
Howard said he saw the greatest news over the weekend when Paris Hilton was sent to jail. He said that she showed up 20 minutes late for a court date. He said the judge was probably not going to give her any jail time until she showed up late. He said Paris is a retard and he has nothing against her. He said you can see that when she talks. He thinks that her parents are also in the ozone with her because they're on her side in this. He said that when you show up 20 minutes late it's like you're forcing the judge to do something. He said that she was posing for pictures before she went in and then in the court room she was laughing, talking and then claiming she didn't know she had a suspended license. He said it was the greatest story ever.
Howard read through the story about Paris getting sentenced to jail and how her mother asked the judge for his autograph after all of that. Howard said she basically forced the judge to give her jail time with her behavior. She apparently told the prosecutor that she has people who read her mail for her so she didn't read her suspension notice herself. Howard said she really does seem retarded. They call her a ''celebutard'' in the article.
Howard played an audio clip of Paris talking about how she was treated unfairly and how the sentence was ''cruel and unwanted'' instead of ''unwarranted.'' He figured she went home and shaved her pussy after that whole thing went down. Robin said she wished the sentence was that she had to come on this show and answer all of their questions.
Artie mentioned that he won a little money over the weekend when he bet on the Maywether fight. He said he had some money on that guy and won. Howard said he has no idea who any boxer is these days because no one seems to care about boxing these days. Now that Mike Tyson is gone it's like no one cares anymore. Artie said that there used to be so many great fighters years ago but these days there's not that many great fighters that are known. He thinks it kind of has to do with Don King's likeability these days. He said he used to go to fights with his father and it was always so great back then. He said it's a shame that it's not that good these days.
Howard took another call about the Spider-Man movie. The caller thought that the end of the movie wasn't all that great but it was okay. Another caller said the movie was a little disappointing at an Imax theater. He said the screen was actually too big but the movie was good. He kind of liked the ending of the movie because it leaves it open to future movies.
The caller was also wondering where the Venom thing came from and if it played out right in the movie. Howard said it did play out because the meteor came from space. He didn't want to give out all of the details of the movie so he didn't get into too many details. He said he had to go to break after that.
Artie said the rich guy took his $100 and he ended up buying all three of them shots. Howard interrupted him and asked Scott to turn down the air conditioning because it was way too cold in the studio. He said he likes the warmth in the summer and wanted it warm in the studio.
Howard said he knows nothing about sports but the Yankees brought in Roger Clemens and when they made the announcement, the crowd went nuts. They did the announcement during the 7th inning of the game and the whole stadium went crazy. He played some audio of that going on and the female announcer, Susan Wolman, was going nuts herself. Howard said it's weird when a woman gets involved in sportscasting. Artie said that he once got in trouble for saying he had gotten down on the field of a game by saying he had won a Susan Wolman look-alike contest. Howard said that he'd rather hear a man talking during a game like that. Robin said they really do sound out of place when they talk and they have no business being there or at race tracks talking about race cars and stuff like that.
Howard said when he hears her talking he just doesn't believe that she's talking about that stuff like she knows what she's talking about. He asked Artie what he thinks about the Yankees and what they're doing at this point. Artie said that it's weird how there's no loyalty in the sport anymore and explained what he was talking about. Gary came in and talked about it with him and said that the Red Sox bailed on him years ago after he played for them for 8 or 9 years. He said Roger went and played for the Yankees for a while and then retired but then played for Houston for a while. He said that might be what angered Artie so much. Artie said the guy kind of fucked the team over because he claimed he was retiring but then stayed in the game but didn't come back to the Yanks. A phone caller agreed with Artie saying that the Red Sox didn't get rid of Roger, he left on his own.
Artie and Gary were going back and forth talking about the guy and what they thought the reasons were for him leaving the teams he left and all of that nonsense. Howard said he loves when Artie gets nuts over this stuff. He let him go on and on about it for a few minutes.
Gary asked Artie if he's happy with the way the Yankees are doing at this point. Artie said that he's not as excited as he would have been in the past about this stuff. He said he should ask him in about 4 weeks how he's feeling.
Howard had Lisa continue. Lisa said that Shuli followed Jason into work this morning so they'll have more on that and more on Jeff the Drunk's problems. Howard wondered how Jeff has an assistant like he does. Lisa said that she thinks that he's someone that helped him out at the grocery store that he was working at. Howard wrapped up with her after that.
Howard said her boobs were bigger than they were. The doctor said that they were bigger even though Cindy claimed they weren't. She said they're just fuller and more natural looking now. Howard asked the doctor about the silicone. He explained that when they are big on a thin woman, they have to do silicone. Artie felt her up when she was in last and she claims that she used to be a stripper and loves the big boobs.
Howard asked Cindy to show off her boobs and asked her where she got the money to do the work. She said it wasn't all that much to get it done. The doctor said it's between 8 and $10,000. She said that it's only something you do once or twice in your life so it's not that much money. Howard tried to find out how she made the money to get them done. She said she works at this sign shop and she's saved up the money for many years. She was also dancing and making money that way.
Cindy took her boobs out and showed them off. Artie went over to hear to feel them to compare them to what he felt last time. The doctor asked him to go easy because they were just put in over a month ago. Artie felt them up and said they were definitely bigger. He said they're softer and more life-like than they were before. He stood there for a short time and started to do his Nick Manning impression saying he'd be ''dropping loads'' on her signs.
Howard congratulated Cindy on her new boob job. She said her old boobs made it hard to sleep on her side because they had kind of moved to the side. Howard told her that Dr. Shuli wanted to come in and feel them up too. Shuli came in and asked her to whip out her fun bags. He felt them up and said that he feels they are legit. Artie said that he did a bronsky on her last time and wondered if he should do it again. He did that quickly an rubbed his face in between her breasts. He also did a motorboat, snow-blower that won't start and a helicopter. Dr. DePace came in to feel her up after that. Scott felt her and said they were nice.
Howard asked Cindy if she gets it on with chicks. She said ''not lately'' and also said that she has friends that she sleeps with. She said she doesn't make money from them or anything like that. JD came in a short time later as Dr. JD who said they felt soft to him as well. He even smacked them for some reason.
Howard told Cindy that she might be hotter with smaller boobs. She said that she used to have a web site where she entertained people but now she has to work a regular job. She didn't explain what that had to do with her still having big boobs though. Howard said she does seem like a fun girl though. He thanked Cindy and Dr. Davis for coming in. Dr. Davis congratulated Benjy on his weight loss as they were wrapping up.
Dr. Davis was talking about some new gel implants that are out and how they may not need to be replaced as often as regular Silicone implants. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
After the break Howard said that he was reading about how Rupert Murdoch is looking to buy the Dow Jones and how no one seems to be against something like that when they're against the XM and SIRIUS merger. He said no one even cared about satellite radio before he moved over to satellite, now they're all against the merger between the two companies. He said Rupert Murdoch is merging all of these huge companies and turning them into a monopoly and no one is saying anything.
Howard decided to give away some money and took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Jeff the Drunk but they had already done that. The guy asked what a carbuncle is. Howard said that the doctors up there in Albany said it was the worst thing they had ever seen and didn't want him to leave the hospital. Robin said it's partially due to his poor hygiene and from the boil he had down there near his ass. The caller was also talking about how gross the Siobhan thing was on Howard TV. Howard said he asked Siobhan after the show if she had set it up with the magician dude and she said she had no idea how the card got into her fake pussy.
Howard said that he had $500 to give away courtesy of Vermont Teddy Bear. He had a new game called ''The Big Foot Couples Match Game'' where they ask Big Foot Mark to match up names with their partners like ''Sonny and... '' and he'd have to say Cher. The caller congratulated Artie on getting over 300 pounds. Artie said that Benjy was eating a ton of stuff already now that he's lost his weight. Benjy said he's going to keep up on the diet and he will get down to like 170 pounds. He said he thinks that he will look really cute if he gets down to about 170. Howard asked him if he got chicks when he was thin. He said he gets them even when he's fat but also said that he should be able to get more when he's thin.
Howard got to the game and played the first clip where Sal asks ''Batman and...'' and Big foot has to give an answer. The caller had to guess if he would know it or not. The caller said he thinks that Big Foot will know it's Robin. He was right. Howard played the second one which was ''Singers Donny and...'' The caller guessed that Big Foot would know it but he was wrong. Big Foot answered ''Clyde.'' The caller said that wasn't fair because Big Foot didn't understand the question. Howard said that's the way it goes.
Howard played the next one which was ''Comedians Abbott and...'' The caller guessed that Big Foot would know it. Big Foot said ''Moe and Curly.'' Howard told the guy he'll have to get the next two right to win the money. The next one was ''TV show Cagny and...'' The caller said he won't know it but he was wrong. Big Foot knew it was Lacy. Howard said he was going to have to say goodbye to this caller. The caller begged for another chance so Howard said that he would let him play 3 more but he had to get 2 of the 3 right. The next one was ''Singers Simon and...'' and the caller said that he will know it. Howard said he was going to try and help this guy and say that Big Foot probably won't know it. The caller went with Howard's pick and said that he would not know. He was wrong again. Big Foot knew it was Garfunkel.
Howard played the next one and it was ''Singers Sonny and...'' The caller said that Big Foot will know it. Then Big Foot's answer was ''Cloudy.'' The caller lost the game but Howard told him he was going to give him one final chance. He said that the caller has to hang up if he loses though. He doesn't want to hear him whining. The caller said that he would hang up himself if he loses. The guy asked Artie a question before the next question. He asked Artie if he was over or under 8.5 snacks for the morning. Howard said he was over 8, he had to be if he was over 300 pounds today. Howard talked to Artie a little bit about the weight gain and asked him when he's going to get alarmed that he's so heavy. Artie said he doesn't think he has any alarm left in him.
Howard talked to Artie about how much food he's eating today and how he's already had pancakes, a bagel, 3 Hawaiian punches and cookies. He said he has another bagel waiting for him. He said he's had breakfast already but there's another breakfast waiting for him out there in the office. Artie said he's going to be shooting another episode of ''Rescue Me'' tonight until 9. He's been hired to be on 7 episodes this season.
Robin told Howard that Artie was in the real estate section of the paper today over the weekend. They were talking about how he lives in Hoboken and they just about give out his address. Howard said he went to look at Bob Guccione's old town house and they're asking like $59 million. He claims that he can't afford that but both Artie and Robin said that's bull shit and that's only half of what he makes per year. Howard said that's not true and he doesn't make that much. He said that this town house was 20,000 square feet but it needs some work and he knows that will probably end up in the paper as well. Artie said there's a new building there in Hoboken near where he lives and there are some A-list names moving in there. He heard from the construction guys that Reese Witherspoon bought a place and A-Rod too.
Howard got back to the game and played the next Big Foot thing. It was ''Thieves Butch Cassidy and...'' The caller knew that was going to be a tough one. He said he was going to say that Big Foot would know it. Howard played Big Foot's answer which was ''Sundance Kid'' so the caller actually won the $500. Howard told the guy he won the money from Vermont Teddy Bear and put him on hold. He only needed 75 tries to win it. They bent the rules a few times for the guy so he could finally win that money.
Howard played a call that Richard made to Big Foot Mark where Big Foot went off on him about the ''ascriminated housing'' problems he was having. Artie said he actually made Richard give him that call on CD so he could play it for people. After that Howard played the Jack and Rod show where the guys had Big Foot talking to the guest they had on the phone. Big Foot was arguing with the guy about politics making no sense at all.
Howard said Big Foot chases everyone away, he's like a monster. He went on to play the rest of the Big Foot things. The next one was ''Beavis and...'' Big Foot knew it was ''Butt-Head.'' The next one was ''Ice cream Ben and...'' Howard figured he'd know it and got it right. The next one was ''From Sesame Street Ernie and...'' The guys said that was kind of worded wrong because it was always Bert and Ernie. Big Foot answered ''Moe?'' The next one was ''comedians Cheech and... '' and Big Foot knew it was Chong. Howard said the guy isn't a total idiot, he does know some answers. The next one was ''Ice cream Baskin and...'' Big Foot's answer was ''Weaving.'' The next one was ''The Odd couple Felix and...'' Big Foot threw in ''Moe'' again. He had used that one for at least a few answers so far. The next one was ''Comedians Laurel and...'' and Big Foot got Hardy.
Howard played another one which was ''Singers Hall and...'' Big Foot said ''Pink Floyd.'' Next up was ''TV show Laverne and..'' He got that right with Shirley. The next one was ''TV show Regis and...'' Big Foot said ''I don't even know what to say.'' Howard played the next one ''Animated movie ''Lady and...'' Howard didn't even know that one. Big Foot said ''The Prince.'' The final one was ''Opposites Yin and...'' and Big Foot actually knew that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said over the last couple of weeks Howard has become the biggest, whiniest bitch. He wondered if he talks about this stuff with his therapist when he goes in. The caller also said that Artie's ''Entourage'' was awful with is bald spot showing. The guy then got back to the complaints about Howard and started rambling about the stuff he was complaining about. Howard hung up on him and said he wanted to ask the guy for an example of what he was whining about but he wouldn't stop talking. He said that's his job to talk about this stuff on the show. That's the show! He said he talks about the stuff that pisses him off.
Another caller said that he had started listening to the show after buying SIRIUS for NFL and saw Howard TV and thinks that Lisa G is fine. He rambled on about a few other things as well before Howard let him go. Another caller brought up Artie's weight and told him that he's got to start losing that weight before he turns 40. Howard said that Artie does things to extremes and right now he's eating food to an extreme instead of doing drugs. Howard was trying to give an explanation but everyone kept interrupting him. He said that Artie will always have things in his life that he will do to extremes. He said he loves Artie dearly though.
Artie said that he has always been like that. Howard said the problem is that Artie is still getting laid even though he's over 300 pounds now. He said he knows he has problems of his own though. He said that he and Beth were in bed by 8:30 every night over the weekend. He told the guys that she also admitted to him that she had lied on the air about not wanting to leave Gary's party that night they left in the middle of dinner.
Robin said that she was listening to the ''Stern Fan Roundtable'' and they were talking about how great it was when Beth called in. Howard said he and Beth love each other and they had a great weekend. He said they had sex multiple times and it was great. He said he's gotten e-mail from fans who ask him not to talk about having sex because it's gross to just imagine it.
Artie was also talking about how this job they have is really tough because they have to get up so early in the morning. Robin said that she got a call from someone who offered her a chance to drive in a race car on Saturday and she really wasn't in the mood to do it after doing the show all week. She said she did get up and drove the race car all day long on Saturday.
Howard said he doesn't mind getting up early in the morning and getting his day going. He said he was offered the chance to go to Scores last week but he turned it down because he was just so tired. He said Beth even told him he should go but he was really just too tired to get up and go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should do a Dating game for Robin on the show. She said she's not interested in that and doesn't want to date anyone at this point. She said she will not do dial-a-date on the show because she's not like these other people who need someone all the time. That caller was also asking Howard to play the ''Right Said Howie'' song parody that they did years ago. Howard said it was more of a visual thing he did on the Channel 9 show. That led to him talking about that song ''I'm too Sexy'' and how awful it was. Howard said they had those guys on the show one time and they were kind of nice. He said they weren't even gay even though the song sounded kind of gay. He said they're gone now and no one even wants to hear from them now.
Bobo called in and asked Howard about that crush that Beth had on the woman from the TV show ''The L Word'' and what ever happened with that. Howard said they did try to get her on the show but she didn't want to come on. He also said that Beth has no desire to be with another woman, she just had that girl crush on her and it didn't really mean anything. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard read an article about comedian DL Hughley who had brought up the Don Imus stuff while he was on The Tonight Show. He said that some of the girls really were nappy headed and they were some of the ugliest women he had seen. That got Howard talking about how Imus is suing CBS for firing him. He said Imus will probably get the $40 million and he won't have to work for it. He said he's really the luckiest guy in the business. He said he does deserve the money that CBS owes him even though he was glad he was fired. Howard said that CBS has a guy on the dump button and if they felt that was offensive, they should have dumped out of it. He said that CBS doesn't seem to have a case if they have the dump button that allows them to censor the show any way they want.
Howard talked about how he's been fired and how fighting the huge companies for the money is very expensive to do. He said a judge should just have to read the contract and give the money to the person that they owe it to. He said that every case like that should go to arbitration instead of going to court. If it goes to arbitration, the entertainer will probably win.
Robin said that Imus is suing for $120 million, not just the $40 million they owe him. Howard said that's not going to work and he figures that it's the lawyers who are pushing for that much. Howard said Imus won't get that much in the case. He said that you can get worn down by your own attorneys in those cases and he knows that. He said that they should only sue for the amount of the contract.
Howard said that he has bargaining power now and he would demand that all of his money be put in escrow from now on. He won't sign another contract without that. He got into that a little bit and then played some of the audio from The Tonight Show where DL Hughley was goofing on Imus. In the clip he was saying that Imus looks like a Werewolf that didn't finish changing. Then he went off the Rutgers women and how ugly some of them were. Howard said that guy is funny and if Imus was funny, maybe he could have gotten away with what he was saying. Artie said he was right about the Werewolf thing.
Howard said the video is great because The Hoff is trying to shove a hamburger into his face. His kid is telling him that he's going to get fired from his show if he's got any alcohol in his system the next day. Robin said she feels bad for the kid. The kid asks her father why he does this to himself. Hoff tells her he doesn't have a life and when the kid tells him he has her and some other people, Hoff tells her ''fuck you...'' and mumbles something to her. The kid tells him he's being an asshole and he's going to regret it the next morning.
Artie said that might be one of the most depressing tapes he's heard. They spent a short time talking about that and how depressing it was to hear.
Howard heard that Richard took a shit on the plane and jerked off twice. He also got cut off from drinking because he'd had so much. Howard said he really makes full use of the airplane by taking a shit and jerking off like that. Richard said the whole plane stunk from his shit too. Artie said he used to imagine fat guys not being able to wipe going into those little bathrooms and now he figures the people look at him that way.
Howard asked Richard about the jerking off thing in the bathroom. Richard said he stood up the first time he did it and then sat down the second time and beat off. He brought his video iPod in there with him to watch some porn. He said he was really stressed out on the flight and had to release his stress somehow. He said that he has to go to the doctor and get something to help him out on his next flight.
Howard said the guys sent him some video of all of that crap going on out there in L.A. Richard said Bob Levy went down to work out in the hotel gym and he was doing about 20 pound lifts. Beetlejuice was working out as well and yelling out the N-word to Bob as he was working out. Richard said one woman came into the gym at one point but she ran out when she saw Beetlejuice sitting there on a bike. Artie said he asks Bob why he still does this stuff at his age. He doesn't get why he's still into that.
Howard said he heard that Richard almost didn't get on the flight because there were some Hasidic Jews wearing their typical outfits. He thought they were terrorists. Richard said Sal told him that they were ''the good guys'' when he asked about what they were doing.
Howard said he got an e-mail from Tim Stack who was the star of Son of the Beach. He said he just ran across the script that Hank the Dwarf had written for them. Howard said he wanted them to produce it but they never did get around to that.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview and said that they'll be talking about the Battle of the Blobs thing and also about Cindy's new breasts. They'll also talk about the Big Foot game and how that went. Howard wrapped up with those guys and had Robin start her news after that.
Howard let Daniel go and took a call from Scott Ferrall who was talking about how much fun he had this weekend up in Canada. He said the fans were amazing up there. He was going on and on about that and Howard said he thinks that Sour Shoes' Scott Ferrall is better. Robin thought that this was Sour Shoes on the phone but Howard told her it was the real Scott this time. Scott also told the guys that they're going to be out in Las Vegas soon for a UFC fight. Howard let him go and then went to break.
After the break Robin got to her news that Howard asked her to start earlier before they were interrupted. She read through a bunch of stories. Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want to see Howard end up like David Hasslehoff in 10 years after he's retired. Howard said he'll never be like that. He doesn't drink like that. The caller said he's worried that Howard is going to retire in 3 and a half years. Howard told him not to worry until that time rolls around. They'll have a big discussion on the air about a year before his contract is up. He said in the meantime, just enjoy the show.
Robin wrapped up her news and Artie got in a plug for a comedy gig he's got coming up in Pittsburgh on June 29th at Heinz Hall. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
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Howard started off the show talking about how his dad was ranting and raving about the XM /SIRIUS merger yesterday. He said he actually ran into him out on the street yesterday. He sends them to his gym once a week and he ran into them down there. He said his friend Pat has a program for them to keep them alert. He said they're actually in good shape for an 83 (Ben) and a 79 (Ray) year old. He said they've been walking and keeping in shape doing other things.
Howard said he took his parents to a high school running track one time. That was some time after his divorce. Artie wondered what ''ablutions'' were since Howard had used that word when he was talking about what his parents do in the morning. Howard explained it to him and then got back to his father's discussion about the merger. He said his father was talking about the other nonsense that Congress is talking about instead of just letting this merger go through. He said they're spending too much time talking holding back this merger when there are much more important things they should be doing.
Howard told Gary to call his father later on so they can talk to him about it. He was also talking about how his mother uses sesame oil on their bodies and that led to their pipes being blocked up from the oil. She uses that when she does her Transcendental meditation stuff in the morning. Robin said she may have been using too much of the oil on herself and that might be why she got into trouble with that. Howard said she thinks it's terrific because it lubricates your skin and makes it softer. Howard said he told her he uses it himself but he just says that to keep her off his back.
Howard said he never tells his mother anything these days because she freaks out and starts asking too many questions. He said if he tells her that one of the kids has a cold she'll start asking all kinds of questions. He said he just says 'yes' to everything she asks. He was also talking about how she asks him if he meditates twice a day because he needs to do that to stop from getting sick. She thinks that if you meditate you won't get sick but when she gets sick, she thinks that she just did something wrong.
Howard said his mother once bought an ice cream spoon to dish out hard ice cream. She loved it until she turned it over and saw it was made in Germany. These days she doesn't care about that kind of thing. Howard said they never had any German cars themselves but he has one himself. Howard said his mother isn't like that much these days since she took up the meditation thing. He said it was quite a change after she started that. He said she used to tell him stories about her family getting taken by the Nazi's and killed when he was about six years old. He described the discussions and told the guys what she would say to him. He said that's why he's completely warped out of his head. He used to hear these stories at 6 years old.
Howard talked about his father and how he would tell him how he didn't have any shoes when he was a kid and how they would get evicted from their apartment every week because they never had any money to pay the rent. He did an impression of his father talking about that stuff. He would have stories about him losing seven layers of skin and things like that. He said there were a ton of stories that they would tell him. He said his father would tell him about his relatives and the order they were born in and how there were 3 kids born before he was and how they died because they didn't have antibiotics.
Howard said his father would tell stories about relatives being killed by cars and things like that and he'd have no idea why he'd tell him these things as a little kid. His mother would then double team him and tell him stories about her side of the family and how people died. He said that she would tell him about her mother dying and how she was considered and orphan because of that. He said he was afraid to leave his room after hearing stories like that. He wasn't able to think straight after stuff like that. Robin said she can't believe that Howard doesn't write horror movies after telling stories like that.
Howard said he walks around feeling like he's a big ugly Jew that someone is going to kill after hearing all of those stories from his parents. He did impressions of his mother telling these stories. He said she'd tell him about the awful childhood memories she had and everything she went through. He said he'd never ask them about the stories, they'd just tell them to him. He said he wanted to kill himself after hearing them of course.
Howard said he's got stories going on in his head as well. Artie asked him how his father became an engineer. Howard went into his father impression and explained how he got into the engineering field. He said everything bad would happen to him in these stories too. His father went to school to learn the engineering stuff and he had to do that on his own since his father didn't want him to do that.
Artie asked Howard who told him that his piano teacher had killed himself. Howard said they both told him about it and it was a relief that he didn't have to play anymore. He explained how he heard about the guy killing himself and how relieved he was that he didn't have to play anymore. Robin asked if he thinks he's passed on this fear to his kids. Howard said he doesn't think he has because one of his daughter's is overseas studying. He said she wasn't afraid to go over there.
Howard said his father told him how they'd move apartments every month or so while living in the Lower East Side of New York City. He said he never heard any positive stories from that guy. He said that his mom would tell him about how her mother died under suspicious circumstances so he actually went back and researched it to find out if the stories were true. He said that she did die when she was pregnant but his mother thinks that the hospital killed her. He said that's why she's so afraid of going to the hospital herself. He said that she used to tell people that she didn't want to raise her kids to be fearful but she told all of these horror stories.
Howard said he's got to get his parents on the phone later to tell these stories. He talked about some of the other horror stories they'd tell him. He played a prank phone call the guys made using audio clips of his father talking about politics. They had him arguing with the hosts of a call in show. They also used some audio of Howard's mother talking to those guys but they eventually hung up on her figuring out that it was a prank call.
Howard said he was always worried that he was going to lose his parents or end up moving every month because they were broke like his father did. He took a phone call after that from a guy who asked if there will ever be another Meet the Sterns show. Howard said they were going to hook his parents up with an ISDN line in their house so they could do the show from there but he got the feeling that they really didn't want to do it so he backed off. He said that they say they'd do it but they're doing it for him, not because they want to do it. He said that the last time they did something they didn't have their card service show up on time and his mother gave him a hard time about that. Howard said that was his worst fucking nightmare when that happened.
Howard did an impression of his mother freaking out about the car service, the food they didn't have and a few other things that went wrong that day. He went back into the impression of his mother and told more stories that she told him when he was a kid. He said that they were living in horrible conditions when they first got married and things like that. He said it was like Nightmare on Elm Street when they'd tell these stories.
The caller got Howard talking about his father's Rob Roy drink. He said his mother would spend like an hour making the drink for him and he'd come home and get pissed if it wasn't just right. He'd actually tell her that it was better the day before if it wasn't just right. Artie said that drink is very complicated and if you ask for one these days, the bartender will look at you like they want to punch you in the face.
The caller asked Howard if his mother was a good cook. Howard said she was great. He said she had to learn to cook living in the conditions she lived in. She lost her mother when she was young so she had to learn that. Howard said he also had a story about how he was named. He said that was another horror story. He said his mom told him that he was named after his great grandfather ''Hesht.'' He said she told him that it was her mother's father who lived in Germany. He had a family and when the Nazi's came, he moved to America and got a job. He moved the family around but ended up forgetting about them and married another woman. He left the family in Germany to die. He said she told him that his grandmother hated him. He's not sure why but his mother named him after that guy because she would play with him when she was a little girl and he treated her very well. He couldn't believe that she named him after a guy who left his family in Germany to die.
Howard told more stories about his mother's grandfather and the crazy things he would do. He said he sees the world as a very scary place after hearing all of those stories from his mother. He said he tries not to think about that stuff these days but it's all there in his head somewhere. He said he sucked all of that stuff up like a sponge while his sister doesn't seem to remember any of it. He said he doesn't talk to his sister about that stuff though. He said they just say ''hi'' and that's about it. He tries not to think about all of that stuff when he's with his family. Howard said his mother would say he's exaggerating if she heard him talking about it. Artie said most families have dark secrets and he didn't hear about his until after his father was paralyzed. Howard said he really has to call his parents later to talk to his father about that merger thing.
Artie said that his sister is 38 years old and she just paid off her student loans from college and there are a lot of kids who have the same problem. That's the kind of stuff they're going to talk about when they talk to Howard's father.
A phone caller told Howard he's glad that he didn't run around the campus of Boston University shooting everyone after hearing those stories. Artie said that he could have gone two different ways and he chose to go in the right direction but he's still miserable. He told Howard that he should talk to Woody Allen because he seems to have the same kind of outlook on life as Howard does. He and the guys talked about how Beth seems to be happy but she didn't have all that great of a childhood according to Howard. She's just one of those people who is always happy.
The caller told Howard that Jeff is very arrogant for someone in his position. Howard said that they should donate all of Benjy's extra skin to Jeff for that ass there. The caller suggested that they weigh everyone in today to see who gained back their weight. The guy wanted to know how much Artie was up to but Artie said he's not going to weigh in more than once a week.
Howard asked Benjy how much he ate yesterday. He said he ate more than he wanted to but not all that much. Howard said he saw Scott the Engineer eating like mad after the weigh in. Benjy said it's hard not to just sit down, watch TV and eat. Howard said he does that but he eats healthy when he's sitting there. Howard said Scott the Engineer went and had Wendy's for dinner. The guys all wondered why he'd do that after being on that diet for so long. Scott came in and said that he did do that but he's back on his diet today. He said he's keeping up the work out thing and still trying to lose weight.
Artie asked Scott what he had to eat. He said he had a bacon cheeseburger and fries but no soda or anything like that. Howard heard that he was farting in his studio yesterday but he said he was just rumbling, not farting.
Eric said that he's not desperate for a job like Lisa made him seem. Howard said he was calling them asking for a job so it did sound desperate. Howard said Eric wants a job working for the Maloof brothers at some arena. Lisa G came walking in around that time and wondered what story he was talking about. Eric said that she didn't even interview him about the story. Lisa said that she works on a lot of stories and she's not even sure what he's talking about.
Howard played the tape of Eric calling in and asking about helping him get a job. It was very hard to understand so Howard bailed out on it. Eric said he's not desperate for a job but he is looking for some help getting one. He said he has spoken to someone at WWE Films trying to get a job helping out with promotions or something. Robin told him that he must have someone out there to help him out. He said that he hasn't gotten back into the LPA (Little People Association) where they might be able to help. Howard let him go a short time later and Eric actually said ''Thank you'' as he was hanging up.
Artie and Howard said that it would be nice if she got naked instead of doing gay shit to the boyfriend. Howard told the woman, Mandy, that maybe they could have her play a game and strip down when she gets questions wrong. She eventually agreed to do that so Howard told Gary to set that up. He told her that if she loses she'd have to have her boyfriend get the tea bag thing done. She said she'd rather get that herself instead of getting naked. Howard said they'd have to get some questions ready for her before she came up.
Howard said that Gary could write the questions because he remembers everything about the show from the past. He asked Mandy about her breasts and found out they're C-cups. Richard said he might have to take himself out of this thing because he might catch shit from his girlfriend if he does anything with a woman. Howard told him he has to do it because it's part of his job. Richard said if he has to, then it might be alright.
Howard put Mandy on hold and told the guys to go prepare for her to come up there with some trivia questions. Sal said that this really is the best job in the world. He might get to give her a tea bag thing with his balls. Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody that Sal put together. He said that Richard also put together a new Droppin Loads song parody together so he played that as well.
Richard said that he couldn't stop looking at Benjy because he looks so odd with the shaved head. They talked about how strange he is looking with his head shaved. They goofed on him a little and then Howard read some mail about Benjy's odd behavior and how he can't give a straight answer when he's asked questions. Some people still think he cheated in the contest somehow and couldn't have lost 27 pounds in a week the way he did. Benjy said that he has lost a lot of weight since this thing started and he is going to lose a lot more.
Howard quickly played that and then talked about a note he got about the DL Hughley clip he played from The Tonight Show. It turns out that the line about Imus looking like a Werewolf that hadn't finished changing was actually Dennis Miller's line that he had used weeks before. Howard played the clip from The Tonight Show and compared that to the Dennis Miller comment from the Bill O'Reilly show. DL got a big laugh on that show. Howard then played the Dennis Miller comment where he made the same comment about Imus' looks. Miller said that Imus looked like a werewolf that only had enough energy to get half way through the transformation. Howard wondered if DL lifted that from Miller or if it was just a coincidence.
Robin wondered what a comedian can do about something like that. Artie said that Dennis should call DL and ask him if he lifted it or if it was just that they had the same thought.
Howard said he likes to watch chicks getting off but he has to see them having sex to actually get off himself. He also told the guys that he will jerk off for Beth sometimes and she likes to see him doing it. Artie said he's never done that because he'd feel too weird. Howard said that he doesn't really look at Beth when he's doing it but she can still kind of see what he's doing. Artie said that if he's into a chick enough he could probably get off watching her getting herself off. He said he'd really have to be into the girl though.
Howard asked Nicole if she would have phone sex with one of his listeners. She said that she would but she'd like to do it with Howard even though she knows that he probably wouldn't do it because of the whole Beth thing. Howard took a call from Governor Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold) who wanted to have phone sex with Nicole. He spoke to Arnold for a short time before he got into that. Arnold also told Howard he wanted to have phone sex so Howard let him get into that. Arnold told her that she was going to be his housekeeper and she was illegal and dropped a vase the other day. He's going to threaten to deport her and asked her what she's going to do for him. Nicole then told Arnold that she wanted to get spanked by him.
Nicole started to get dirty with Arnold and he was moaning and making odd noises and calling her names and telling her what to do. Arnold told her to take a shit on him and things like that. He told her not to talk to him like that. He then told her to stick a leaf blower on his giant cock and demanded it from her. Then he said he blew his load all over his kitchen. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later. Governor Schwarzenegger said things will be much better after finally blowing his load.
Howard tried to do another phone sex thing with the Pat O'Brien audio clips but Nicole couldn't understand them. He changed his mind and brought JD in to have phone sex with her instead. Nicole got right into telling JD what she was wearing. She asked him what to do so JD told her to take off her clothes because she had too much on. She took her bra off and started licking her nipples after JD asked her to do that. She was telling him that she was showing her pussy. JD asked her if it was wet and she said she was going to do that for him. Then Howard had Wood Yi clips telling her what to do. They had a few new audio drops from him that they played. Howard cut that off and wrapped up with Nicole. He gave her a plug for her web sites NicoleSheridan.com and MovieQuickie.com. She said that the clip of her getting off to the other chick should be up by Friday on MovieQuickie.com. Howard told her they'll have to get her back in there some day. She said she'd love that and she will be making him a bachelor party tape just in case he never has a bachelor party. Howard said he'll have to have her there if he does have one.
Howard was about to let her go but the guys called in with audio clips of his father to have phone sex. Ben didn't get dirty, he was just talking politics and things so Nicole said that she had lost her horniness.
Howard said he doesn't buy a word of it and he probably just doesn't want to talk about it. Jon said that he has jerked off but didn't do it a lot when he was in college. He said he can't remember when he masturbated last and he usually just does it with his wife when he gets horny. He said they have a good sex life and he's satisfied with that. Howard said he has to jerk off just about every day if he doesn't get sex. Jon said he admits he might be the strange one in the room but that's the way he is. He said he doesn't really watch pornography much either. He said he has done that in the past but not all that much. He also said he hasn't really looked at Playboy lately either.
Artie asked Jon if he's been into any hot chicks who have been on the show. He said he does get that way but he doesn't really have to go and jerk off. He said the thoughts just go away. Artie said he doesn't get how he gets rid of that. Howard said he almost had to beat off looking at a picture of Cameron Diaz in the paper today because she had a great looking ass. Jon said he doesn't get that way that much. Artie asked him about the times he has done that and how it comes about. Jon said that it's usually when he hasn't seen his wife for a while. He doesn't have to do it all the time like some people do.
Artie said that he can't function when he's horny and he has to release or he can't function at all. Howard said that he won't go as far as Richard Christy has by jerking off in the airplane bathroom while flying back from California. Jon and Howard both said they just don't get that. Artie said that when you're home though, you can't fight those feelings.
Howard had a clip from Greg's show that he played. Greg and Andy Richter were talking about taking a finger in the ass from a woman while they're having sex. Andy said he's taken that and let the woman leave it there. They said they both enjoy doing stuff like that and Greg said that he used to stick a pencil up his ass when he was jerking off as a teen. He wasn't sure if that made him gay or not.
Howard reminded everyone that Greg once wanted to find out if he was gay so he went down to find someone to blow but then ran away when the guy whipped out his dick. Howard said he's never thought about testing himself over something like that because he just knows that he's not gay. He also thought it was odd to stick a pencil up his ass and said he's never had the desire to stick anything up there.
Howard played another clip where a caller asked Andy if he was a fan of Howard's and if he knew that Conan was a fan. Andy said that he thinks that Conan might listen once in a while but he's not sure if he's a huge fan. Andy talked about how it's tough to hear Howard and Robin talking about you for too long sometimes. He talked about how Robin and Howard have goofed on him for leaving Conan's show and being a loser for doing that.
The caller Howard had on the line suggested that he send Sal and Richard into the back and have them reenact a gay porn clip they play on the show. Howard said he'd do something better and play a prank phone call to a phone sex line. The guys called a phone sex line and had clips of Mike Walker talking to the phone sex operator. They had Mike making a sheep ''bah ah ah'' sound for the woman and having her get him off as if he were a sheep. They also played his fart clip in the middle of it. Howard wondered where they get those clips of Mike making those odd sounds. Richard said that he got that from one of the gossip game stories he did one time.
Howard asked Ben to talk about this XM/SIRIUS merger thing. Ben said he was reading about that and about student loans and how there was an investigation that the loans are a big rip off. He said that the government wastes a lot of money and that's what they're doing with this merger thing. He said that their values are completely screwed up and that was what he was talking to Howard about.
Howard said his father can't do anything about this because he usually just goes for a walk and then comes home to stare at the wall. Ben said that he's been watching all of this nonsense about the merger and how they really shouldn't be worrying about this nonsense when they have so many other things to worry about. He and Howard also talked about the NAB and how they're doing their best to block the merger and they wouldn't be doing it if Howard hadn't moved there.
Ben said that most people don't know what's going on in Washington. There's so much nonsense going on down there that it's ridiculous. Howard told his dad that they've had 3 meetings with Mel Karmazin about his merger and now they're saying that there's about a 20 percent chance of the merger happening. Howard and Robin talked about how people don't have to subscribe to satellite and if the prices go too high, people will stop paying for it. They should just let the merger go through and stop worrying about everyone so much.
Ben brought up a few other things that the government doesn't give a damn about but they should. He said that this merger thing is something they shouldn't be wasting time and money over when they have so many other things to take care of.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was great to hear Ben Stern cursing on the air. He said ''chicken shit'' at one point. Howard took some more phone calls and one guy suggested they give Ben his own radio show. Howard said he would do that but he doesn't want to bother his father. Ben said he'd rather just call in once in a while when he's all worked up about something.
Howard and Ben talked about the merger thing some more and how it appears that terrestrial radio seems to be so afraid of satellite radio for no apparent reason. Howard said that they hate Mel Karmazin and they hate him, that's what it seems like to him. Ben said that they should be investigating student loans and Medicaid problems instead of this merger nonsense.
Ben had to go to a doctor appointment today so Howard had to wrap up with him. Ben said the has to go to a podiatrist to get his feet taken care of. He said he goes about once a month and they check his feet and clip his nails for him.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to his father about this whole thing. Ben said that he really had to get going after that. Artie asked Ben about Rupert Murdoch trying to buy the Dow Jones so Ben got into that a little bit. He said that no one is questioning that merger, they're busy thinking about the satellite merger. Ben said that he doesn't understand it and thinks that he's living in the Twilight Zone when he thinks about this stuff. He said he really had to get going after that.
Howard let his father go and spent a few more minutes talking about the merger stuff and how ridiculous it is that they're spending so much time and effort on that nonsense. He took a call from a guy who said that he has said in the past that he doesn't care about terrestrial radio and doesn't compete with them but now he's saying that they do compete against them. Howard said this guy was confusing a bunch of conversations. He said he doesn't compete directly with radio shows in the morning but satellite does compete with a lot of things for people's attention. In that sense he is competing with terrestrial radio. He got aggravated and hung up on the caller and moved on after that.
Howard said that this past weekend they had an adopt-a-thon at the North Shore Animal League and Jason went down and got a dog. He said he thinks that they were able to get 600 dogs adopted over the weekend with that adopt-a-thon. Artie said he had a friend who had a puppy just to pick up chicks. He said the guy was able to make that work and as soon as the dog got big, he got rid of it.
Howard wondered where Mandy the Superfan was. The guys brought her in a short time later. She had called in earlier to get up there. Howard said she was there with her boyfriend Gary. She said that she's never been naked in front of guys before. It turns out Gary is her husband, not her boyfriend. They came in all the way from San Diego for this and Howard said that she agreed to get naked. Gary said he never heard her agree to that but Howard and Robin said she did.
Howard said they did have some money for Mandy if she does win this trivia game they're going to play. Sal said that he's got a tea bag jackhammer pudding pie thing ready for her if she loses. She has to strip down and get that tea bag thing if she loses. Howard said that they have a few questions for her and if she gets them wrong, she starts stripping down.
Baba Booey said that they need to know how they're going to do this. Howard said that they're going to have her take her top off for the first wrong question. The second question would be her bottoms off. Mandy said that she's going to be terrified if they're going to rip her apart if she gets naked. The guys all said that they would not rip her apart. Howard told her that she will really only have to get topless and maybe get the tea bag thing. He told her that she can keep her panties on.
Baba Booey thought that she had agreed to do this whole thing on the phone. She said that she kind of did so Howard quickly got into the trivia thing. He was about to start but Mandy said she couldn't get topless. Howard told her he'd have to let her go if she doesn't do it. Her husband said that he agreed to the tea bag thing but not the topless thing. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should get kicked out of there. Howard said he was going to kick them out then. Richard suggested they have Ronnie talk to her because he's good at talking women into getting topless.
Baba Booey said that they had things to do today and they made time for them to come up and now they're backing out of the deal. Howard had Ronnie come in and talk to the two of them. He thought that they knew what they were coming up for. Mandy said that she spoke to someone on the phone named Steve and he told her to just come up. Ronnie told her to forget about that and said that she has to do the right thing and just play the game. They're not going to make her get totally naked. She stopped him and said that she just couldn't do it. Gary said that she could leave there thinking it was the most memorable day of her life but now she's going to get kicked out.
Ronnie said that he would rather take his top off than have someone's ugly balls on her. Her husband said that she's down for stuff like that but not taking her top off. Howard and Gary agreed that they were going to cut their losses and kick them out. Gary told Will to take them out the back door, not even out the front door. Artie told them they could stay if they bought him some French toast.
Sal and Richard really wanted to do the tea bag thing so they looked very disappointed. Robin said that they lied about getting in there even though Howard was willing to let her do the tea bag thing. Gary asked if anyone on the staff wanted to get tea bagged for $500. They still had the money to give away so a bunch of guys showed up to get balls on their face. One of the guys was an intern but Howard wasn't going to let that happen.
Gary suggested that Sal and Richard tea bag each other and split the money. Richard was willing to do it but Sal wasn't going to take the nuts on his face. Sal said he didn't even want the money so Richard could have it if he let him put his balls on his head. He said he was going to dip his balls in pudding and bash it into Richard's face until it was covered. Sal said he was going to dip the vanilla first and then hit him in the face. He quickly did that and told Richard told him to just get it over with. Sal started to bash him in the face with the vanilla and then chocolate pudding.
The guys were throwing pudding and Richard bashed Sal in the balls with his hand which made him groan in pain. Sal was jamming Richard in the face with stuff and he had to stop him somehow. He said Sal went above and beyond what he was supposed to do. Sal went and poured another thing of pudding on Richard's head again so he threatened to hit him in the balls again. Robin said it didn't look like pudding either. Howard said he had to go to break and this was a very upsetting segment. He took a call from Yucko the Clown who said that he wanted them to end this already. He said it's enough with the nuts and the gay shit already. Howard said he heard that Yucko is going to be on the Andy Dick roast. He was just added so he'll be there for that next week.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he can't believe all of this gay shit. Howard said that it sounds gay on the radio but when you see it on TV it's very funny. He went to break right after that.
Jeff said he appreciates the help he was getting from everyone but he didn't like everyone pushing him into doing something. Artie told him that they've been telling him to wipe his ass for years and he never did that. He told Artie to shut the fuck up.
The guys told Jeff that they're going to be removing part of his ass to get rid of that infection. Jeff didn't think they were but that was basically what they were going to have to do. Jeff said he's not sure if they're going to cover it for Howard TV. Howard said they really should. The infection on his ass was so severe that the hospital said they'd never seen a case like it before.
Artie said that Jared sounds like a nice guy and he should be grateful for that. Jeff said he really is a nice guy. Howard wondered how that guy can make money if Jeff can't even make money. The guys said that he used to own that grocery store that Jeff worked at so he's got money. Artie said his own manager wouldn't even drive him to the hospital and he gives him about $200,000 a year.
Howard told Jeff to get himself down to the hospital soon. Jeff said he had a delivery coming today that he had to wait for. He had to wait for a delivery of cigarettes. Howard said that sounds silly and wondered if Jeff knows that. He said he didn't know that his brother was staying home today so he could accept it for him. Jeff said he could do that. Howard and the guys asked him how much he buys. He said he gets 5 cartons and they're about 18 bucks cheaper per carton when he orders them. He said they're Marlboro 100s.
Dominic said that he told his driver not to give Jeff the money he gave him last week until he got to the hospital. Jeff demanded it as soon as he saw the driver and the driver gave it to him. Jeff thanked Dominic for that $1000 that he gave him. Howard let both of them go a short time later.
Artie was wondering how many packs of cigarettes Jeff is smoking and figured it was at least a pack a day because he goes through those 5 cartons in 3 weeks.
Gary talked about the cigarette thing that Jeff is doing and how they're trying to ban that kind of cigarette sale through the mail. They spent a short time talking about that before Howard moved on. A phone caller asked about that Mark Harris ''I'm A Gay Papa'' song because there was a song he was going to play yesterday. Howard played some of Mark's version of the song and played the end of it since he'd never made it through the whole song before.
Howard said that Richard took the song and tried to turn it into a rock song. He played that version but it was still gay according to Robin. Howard played another cover of the song that was an acoustic version. Howard let that play for a short time but bailed out after a short time. He played the original version that Mark Harris did and tried to get through the whole thing. Artie said he was done after he heard ''I'm a gay...'' so Howard cut it off. He replayed the Bleeding Deacons version that he played yesterday and then played the end of Mark's original version again.
Howard played a new Dice song that Dan the Song Parody Man created. There was another song parody that a fan sent in for Robin's news theme. He played that but had a hard time understanding some of the lyrics. Robin understood them and told Howard what they were. He had another one that was a parody of Foo Fighters ''Best of You'' which was called ''Breasts on You.'' Howard said he liked that version better than the Foo Fighter's version. Howard said it was an epic and went on and on. He cut it off and said that all of these songs are inspired by Robin's news.
Robin was talking about how she still wants to date but not at this time. She said that she's been watching Katie Couric dating her younger man lately and seeing that the press is bothering her in the news. She said they should just leave her alone. Howard wondered if that's because she wants to date someone young herself and be left alone. Robin said she still plans on dating at some point.
Howard asked Gary to come in after a caller asked where the song parodies all started. Gary said he wasn't sure when it started but they had that one guy who talked over Robin's news theme in the Spanish accent. Howard said that might have been the first one. That was actually banned from being played on terrestrial radio so Howard said they should really play it again. Howard said he'd try to get that on today. They might not be able to find it today because they may have to go digging for it in the archived tapes.
Howard was goofing on Gary because he always knows when things happened. He was doing an impression of Gary telling him when something happened on the show.
Howard tried to get the story out of this woman but she was dragging it out. He threatened to hang up on her so she tried to tell the story again. She described what had happened and threw in a plug for a web site. That's when Howard knew that he was full of crap and hung up on her.
Fred found the song parody thing that they were looking for earlier. He found the guy talking in the Spanish accent over Robin's news theme song. He played the bit and had Robin laughing hysterically. Howard said he loves that bit and said it was the best. Gary said that was from back in 1996 or so. Fred said he was able to find it in the system after remembering it was something he wanted to save.
Howard said he read something in the news about a kid who had spiders living in his ear. The kid kept hearing popping noises in his ear and it turns out there were spiders living in there. They spent a minute talking about that. They were the size of pencil erasers from what Howard read.
The guys were also talking about how that guy who made that Robin bit had actually won a watercraft that he didn't know what to do with. Howard said that he had to play it for a second time because the bit was so good. He replayed it and had Robin laughing her ass off again. In the bit the guy is doing an impression of Robin's father but he has this heavy Spanish accent that he doesn't try to change. He's talking about all of the stuff Robin's father used to do to her.
Howard said he asked the guy if he wrote that all down or if he had riffed it and he seems to remember him doing it off the cuff.
Jon Hein came in and ran down the stories they'd be covering on The Wrap Up Show today. They'll be talking about Nicole Sheridan's call, Mandy screwing them over with the game today and much, much more. That led to the guys talking about what Sal and Richard did in the studio earlier and speculating about which of those two guys have done gay things in their lives. Howard was pretty sure that Richard had done gay stuff in his life. He wasn't sure about Sal.
Howard said he thinks it's hysterical that Sal and Richard do that stuff but he wonders about if they're really gay. Richard said he wouldn't get any pleasure out of jerking Sal off like Howard was suggesting. Howard said if they gave him a thousand bucks he'd probably do it. Richard said that he would never blow Sal for any amount of money. He might jerk him off for a certain amount. Fred asked Richard if he'd let Sal put a dildo in his ass for $100,000. He said he would do that, but not for any less than that.
Howard told Sal to stick a pinkie up Richard's ass but Sal didn't want to do that. The guys were throwing ideas out to both of them trying to find out what kind of gay shit they'd do for what amount of money. Howard said that Richard would kiss Sal's penis for a thousand bucks. Richard swears he wouldn't but then said he would lick Sal's nuts for $5,000. He said that nuts are different than a cock. Artie was going to pull out his check book and write the check right then. Richard said guys do stuff with their nuts all the time so it's not a big deal.
Richie Wilson from Howard TV suggested they have them stand next to each other naked and see who gets hard first. Artie said he was writing a check right then and he wanted to see Richard lick his nuts for 10 seconds. Artie actually wrote the check out to Richard and got the spelling of his name right. Sal said he wasn't going to let it happen but Howard told him to go through with it.
Howard told Sal to just let him do it. Sal said he wasn't getting anything out of this. He wanted some money too. Howard told him he could have the money if he did the licking but Sal wasn't going there. Artie showed Richard the check and he had written ''gay stuff'' in the memo line. Sal asked for something but all he was going to get was $500. Jon Hein said he'd throw a thousand bucks into this and Sal finally agreed to do it. Richard was going to have to lick his balls for 10 full seconds. Gary said he'd give Sal another 5 grand if he stuck the head of his dick in there for a second. Sal said he'd rather stick his head in a wood chipper.
Tim Sabean said that the people in the building are riveted. Sal was about to back out and said that he didn't want to be called the gay one. Sal said he was getting a text message from a friend of his who is his son's god father. He was demanding that he call him ASAP. Howard told him to just get to it and do it already.
Howard said you know that penis is going to end up in Richard's mouth. Richard said he didn't agree to that though. Howard said Richard had to get on the floor and Sal had to do it tea bag style. The guys got down on the floor and they started but they hadn't set the clock. Richard said he was going to puke down there. They set the clock and started the 10 second licking thing. Sal said he couldn't believe he was doing it. Richard spit and started making puking sounds. They replayed it on the monitors in the studio so the two gay guys could see what they just did. Sal said that he just lost any dignity he had left in him. He said he feels that his kids are going to see this on video some day when they're in school.
Richard said he picked a spot on his balls that wasn't too hairy. Artie couldn't believe that he now knows a guy who licked another guy's balls. Robin said that after that it looks like Sal has a gay hairdo. Artie was asking Richard if he wanted to do another stunt for another five grand to take Sal's cock in his mouth. Richard said he just can't do that. Artie said it already looked like he was blowing him so why not just do it. Sal wasn't even able to watch the video of it on the monitor.
Richard said that people have already called them every name in the world so they can't call them worse. Will said that they've set the bar so high that they can only fuck each other to get more gay. Howard said he thinks Sal is so freaked out because he's questioning his sexuality. Sal said he's really not, he's just having an out of body experience right now. He said his father has never called him a fag before, but after this he will.
Sal said that his balls were all sticky from that licking thing. Richard said it was the pudding that was on them earlier. Ralph called in and said that he turned on the radio and heard Artie writing out the check for Richard right after he woke up. He said his favorite part was when Richard was gagging and overacting like he didn't like it. He said that was like Artie's fake cough when he calls in sick. Artie said that from now on when he calls in sick, he's going to lick a guy's balls before he does it.
Artie said that he doesn't think that he could ever do that for any amount of money. Howard noticed that Sal's sack is like completely black. Will asked Sal if it felt good. Sal said he didn't feel a thing and really doesn't know what it felt like. Ralph said that he should have dropped his cock on him while he was doing it. Sal said that's not him, that's Ralph and Sam Simon but Ralph said that Sal is the gay one now, not him. Howard was going to go to break but he got a call from Lee over at In Demand who was editing this show. He said it's the gayest thing they've ever done and they're all going to have to change their business cards to gay TV producers.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that he can't work with these guys anymore after this. He said he knew it was going to happen some day but didn't know it was going to be while he was eating breakfast. Sal left the studio during all of that. Howard told Richard that this means that they're going to have to top themselves somehow over the next 3 years. They probably will somehow. Sal was out in the hall crying so they goofed on him about that before Howard went to break.
Howard said that he found Sal's thousand bucks in his wallet so he called him to come into the studio. Artie said Sal is out moping around in the hallway. He actually went out to go down to have a cigarette after that disaster.
Howard took a call from Mutt who said they're going to be talking to Sal and Richard's moms this week for Mother's day. He wondered if Howard had any other questions for them to ask. Howard told him he should have a bunch of new questions. Howard took a bunch of calls after that and got people's opinions on what had just gone on. One guy said he's not gay but he couldn't get away from his radio. He wondered how those two can go home to their wives and girlfriends after that. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
Sal and Shuli came back in a short time later. Shuli said Sal cheered up when a fan walked by and told Sal that the segment was great. He was all bummed out until that happened. A caller said that he thinks that Sal and Richard will eventually break down and butt fuck before Howard's contract is up in 3 and a half years. Shuli said he went out into the lobby earlier and everyone was listening to the show even those people who don't listen every day. Howard said he was debating about whether or not to put up a picture of this stuff up on HowardStern.com. He figured he'd have them put up just one picture.
Howard asked Sal what it felt like to get his balls licked like that. Sal said it was wet and cold. He also said that this is the first person to have contact with his balls in the past 5 years which was very sad. Howard congratulated him for the ball licking and let him go so Robin could get into her news.
Howard interrupted Robin's news and read some of a petition that's on the web about keeping Paris Hilton out of jail. The petition was a joke from what he could tell. He said that she showed up to court 20 minutes late and she deserves to go to jail for thinking that she can pull crap like that.
Howard said that he thinks the only news story worth talking about is the fact that Richard licked Sal's balls. Robin said she had a lot of other things to get to. She insisted on reading through those stories so Howard let her do that instead of spending the whole news segment on Sal and Richard. High Pitch Mike from Howard 100 News came in and told Howard that Steve Langford had just spoken to Mr. and Mrs. Christy about what their son had done and their reaction was like when the military comes to a family and lets them know that their child was dead. He said they'll have more about that during Howard 100 News today.
Robin went through the rest of her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show talking about Bruce Willis and how he said ''mother fucker'' while being interviewed at a Nets, Raptors game the other night. He had an audio clip of it so he played it for everyone. Willis was talking to a reporter and was okay for a short time but then when he was asked about Die Hard 4 he threw in his ''Yippee Kiyay Mother Fucker...'' as he was signing off. The guys spent a minute talking about that saying and trying to figure out what it even meant.
Howard said he saw Rev. Bob Levy yesterday and he was telling him he was writing a song parody about him. He said he's not sure what Bob is up to and if he's trying to write bad songs or if he thinks they're actually good and they think they just suck. He played the song that Bob was working on and it was called ''Chess Board Homo'' to the tune of ''Juke Box Hero.'' Howard said he thought it was over after the first couple of lines but the song keeps going. He let it play through a little more and asked ''Is Bob a comedian?''
Artie made some comments about Bob and how maybe he's not a great comedian. He said he knows Bob will be fuming at him for saying stuff like that and it should work good for the upcoming roast show they're doing next week. Howard played a little more of the song and then bailed out on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows the origin of ''Yipee Kiyay'' and said it was Roy Rogers who made it what it is. Fred said it was older than that and it wasn't Roy Rogers. He read through some stuff on the web where it talks about where the saying came from and it went back to Gaelic times. Benjy was arguing with him and saying something else but Howard cut him off and said they brought in some wigs for him to try out because he looked so disturbing with no hair.
Howard played an audio clip of a parrot saying ''Baba Booey'' that he thought he had played before. He quickly did that and then played a voice mail that Crazy Alice left. He said she was complaining about something but he's not even sure what it is she's upset about. In the call Alice says that the ''gooks are coming'' and the ''spooks are coming'' to a house near him. She said that once they start coming they will keep coming. She made some ghost sounds and tried scaring Sal who she was leaving the message for. Howard and Robin tried to figure out what she was trying to say in that but they weren't sure.
Howard played some clips from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Richard was talking about how he doesn't think his balls are a sexual object like the penis is. He and Gary were going back and forth about that and Gary was telling him the balls are the cock's next door neighbor.
Howard figures that Bubba the Love Sponge is going to take his show to the next level and have his guys doing even gayer stuff than what Sal and Richard did. Robin said he is making his guys lick balls if they do anything wrong on the show. Howard wondered about the cell phone thing Bubba did on his show where they put the phone in a woman's vagina. He thought it was a silly stunt but now he's wondering how that would work and if he should give it a try.
Howard played more of the Sal and Richard discussions from The Wrap Up Show. Richard was talking about how he and Sal pee together in the bathroom and cross streams of piss. Robin said she thinks that Richard has to be bi-sexual at the least. Artie said he thinks that he was ripped off and paid five grand for someone to do something they do all the time. That would be like paying him five grand to eat.
Gary came in and said that there's a Steve Langford report where he breaks the news to Richard's parents and it's pretty funny. Howard played the clip and got a few laughs out of that when he heard Richard's mother talking about how disturbing that was. She thought about washing his mouth out with soap. Howard played a bunch of voice mails that the guys got where guys were calling in and repeating ''faggot'' over and over again.
Howard got sidetracked and played a clip of a porn chick who sounded kind of like a choo choo train. It wasn't quite like a choo choo train so Richard said it was also like a police siren so he compared it to that as well. Howard thought it was closer to the siren than the train. He played the siren a few times and played the porn clip as well. Richard said he likes the chick who sounds like a monkey as well so Howard played that, and then broke into Bob Levy's ''Chess Board Homo'' for a second.
Howard asked Richard if he's spoken to his parents since yesterday. Richard said he hasn't yet but he figured they'd be okay with it. He also talked about the cat licking thing and said he's never done anything like that, he's never had a cat lick his balls but he has had a cat lick his arms.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great yesterday's show was with all of the cool stuff that went on. Howard said he was talking to Beth about it and never thought that it would get so gay on the show. He said he has a lot of e-mail about that Sal and Richard ball licking thing. Robin said she thinks that Richard would go all the way with that gay stuff for the right amount of money. Howard read through some of the e-mail after that. Some people were saying they need to move the show to Out Q which is the gay channel on SIRIUS. Other people think it's a waste of show time and they should stop. There were a ton of e-mails about the gay stuff and a lot of it was negative. Robin said that some people wondered why Artie was the one paying them to do it since he usually walks out of the studio when they get gay. Artie said he just wanted to see how gay they could get and that's why he paid Richard that five grand.
Howard got back to the e-mail and read through a bunch more. There were some positive e-mails and one guy said that Sal and Richard have been great on the show and they should keep them around for the rest of the time they're on SIRIUS.
Howard read some mail that didn't have to do with Sal and Richard. One person said they're worried about Artie and the fact that he doesn't care that he's hit 300 pounds. There was an e-mail about Howard talking about his family history and how he really doesn't know how bad a home life can really be compared to his veal-like life. Howard read one e-mail about Jeff the Drunk and Robin wanted to know if he ever made it to the hospital. Howard said he'll try to find out today if he ever did make it.
Howard played another clip from The Wrap Up Show where Richard and Sal were talking more about the gay thing they did. There was some discussion about who Sal trusts and who he would let lick his balls like Richard did. Howard talked about some of the creepy comments that Richard made yesterday during that whole ball licking thing. Richard said something about how he found a bald spot on his balls when he was licking him.
JD said he used the deodorant yesterday so he's not sure why he stunk. Howard asked him if he's nervous about the upcoming meeting with his mother at the family reunion. He said he's not and that's not coming up until August. Howard explained why JD would be uptight because his mother ran off with some guy from Hawaii and left him about 8 years ago.
Howard and Fred were goofing on JD about the Hawaii thing and playing some Hawaiian music in the background as they were goofing on him. JD said that his mother did come back to visit him about 8 years ago and she does love him. Howard gave him a sarcastic ''yeah'' when he heard that. Robin said she came back to get her clothes after running off with the guy from Hawaii. JD said that his mother would like him to call her more but he's just not a talker. He and his father don't talk so much, it runs in the family.
JD said that he woke up late today so he didn't shower before coming to work. He said that he showered Monday night and he shouldn't stink. He said this was a one day thing and he's sorry he offended anyone with his stink. Artie said that when you live in a shitty apartment it's hard to wash yourself properly so he gets it. JD said he has a roommate and they have one bathroom in the apartment so they have to share it. Artie said that the bathroom is probably filthy and it's probably a mess.
Howard said he heard that JD has roommates who don't pay their rent. JD said that none of them have paid rent lately but he didn't want to get into all of that on the air. He said they haven't given him bill money lately but the guy just got hit by a car recently so he's had issues getting his check with his broken leg. He told everyone to calm down with that stuff.
JD said that his roommate has a job and gets paid so he does okay. He said he works up in Harlem and right now he's got that broken leg so it has to be tough for him. Howard told JD to get out of there after that and said he's usually a clean guy. Artie said the only thing he's smelled is JD's breath. JD said he brushes his teeth but also chews gum to try to keep that stink away. Howard asked him how many times he brushes his teeth. JD said it's at least once. Howard told him to brush his tongue as well. JD said he does that. Howard told Gary to buy him some Listermint to help out with the stink and the plaque in there. He also said that now he knows why his mother won't come back to visit.
Howard said he likes JD and that's why he's spending time on this stuff. Howard heard that JD got a bruise from playing softball so he checked that out. It was a nasty bruise so they asked him how he got it. He said he got a hit and ran so hard that he tripped and fell. JD said that he was safe thought so he did okay. Howard said they played the Maury Povich show last week and actually beat them. Artie said he wanted to play last week but he was down in Florida for a gig. He said it's usually boring when you play against girls because they're so bad. He said they sometimes give them 4 strikes instead of 3 and it's just boring.
Gary told Howard that JD is upset because Kimberly Kane took him off her top 10 friends list on Myspace. JD said he must not call her enough so she took him off her list. Howard heard that he's in love with a Scores girl now. JD said that everyone loves some Scores girl. JD likes this one girl Celeste and she told him her real name. JD thought he was special for that but she apparently told that to Will as well. Will came in and said that he got the same rap from her that JD did so he's nothing special. They both got the same name from her. JD said that everyone is a douche bag around there.
JD said he got Celeste's number but she rarely calls him back when he calls her. The guys goofed on him about that. Robin said she probably thought he made good money working on the show but now she knows he doesn't. JD said she already knew he didn't make good money working there. The guys asked him what he says to her when he calls her. He said that he just calls and says that it's JD and asks her to call him back if she gets the chance. Howard told him to give her a hard time and demand that she call him. She gave him her number so she must have wanted to talk to him.
JD said he has gotten calls back from Celeste but they can never work out a good time to hang out. Artie asked him what he would do if he hung out with her. JD said they were going to go see Borat but that fell through. He said he has money to take her to a movie but Howard told him that he'd help out if he needed some money for a date.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what's up with them hiring people who don't shower. Howard said JD usually doesn't stink so it was a surprise and not a regular thing with him. Another caller brought up the Sal and Richard gay stuff and said they really have to back off of that stuff. That caller also said that he had downloaded his movie ''Beer League'' when he downloaded it to his Xbox. Artie didn't know what he was talking about since he's not into that stuff. The guy explained how you can download movies to the video game system. Howard just got Amazon Unbox which allows you to download movies to your TiVo.
The phone caller brought up the story that was in the news about some terrorists who were going to attack Fort Dix in New Jersey. Howard got into that story and talked about what he heard about the guys who were planning the attack. He said some of them were legal immigrants here and some were illegal. He said that this country being so good to people is biting us in the ass. Robin said they caught the guys after they brought a tape to a store to dub that showed them shooting and saying ''death to America'' and things like that. That led to the FBI preparing a sting over a long period of time so they could catch these guys.
Robin said that Eric could probably work at Wal-Mart or something like that. Eric corrected me on my spelling of the Maloof brothers. He said it's ''M A L O O F'' and not Malouf as I spelled it yesterday. Thank you Eric... ehhh. After hearing Eric again in a replay, I have to correct Eric on the name of my site. It's not MarkFreakins, it's ''M A R K S F R I G G I N.''
The guys talked to Eric about a comment he made about a guy who offered him a job working at the Exotic Erotic Ball. Eric called him a coke head or something like that and they didn't know why he would do something like that when he's offered a job. Eric said he was offered the chance to be the Grand Marshall of the ball but he didn't want to do it. Howard said that he was offered a job and that's the way he treats someone. Eric said he spoke to some people who said that the guy shows signs of being a coke head so that's why he said that. The guys said that they don't know why he'd say something like that about the guy. Richard said he knows the guy and he's a regular guy. He also said that the guy is trying to help him out but Eric turns him down. He heard that Eric was demanding $25 but the guy was offering him a hell of a lot more than that. Eric said he never demanded any money though.
Howard played a clip of what it would be like if Eric got a job at one of the Maloof hotels. Sal and Richard created the bit where they had Eric taking someone's bags up to their hotel room. Eric was having troubles with his electric wheel chair and things like that in the bit. Howard asked Eric what he thought of that. Eric said it's not anything like what it would sound like. Howard said the Erotic Exotic Ball thing sounds like fun to him and he thinks he should take the job. He let Eric go after that.
Howard took a call from this guy Gay Tony who said that some of the comments they were making about the Albanian guys earlier was wrong. He said that Robin made some comments that were incorrect and she was talking out her ass again. Tony was saying that Robin was talking about rules and laws they have in a specific country and not about the religion. She was blaming the laws on the religion and not on the country. Howard said he doesn't know why so many people want to push their religious beliefs on the rest of the world. He said that it's puzzling to them that they do stuff like that. Howard let Gay Tony go and went to break a short time later.
Artie said he was never into that band. He said he liked Nirvana and Sound Garden but he never got into the other stuff like this band Creed. Howard said he wasn't into Nirvana that much. He said he didn't dislike them but these days he turns it off when he hears one of their songs on the radio. He said he knows that they were important and all of that but he'd rather go see Pearl Jam over Nirvana. He said he likes Green Day too. Artie didn't think they were in the same category though. Fred said that they're in the category where they have lasted long like Pearl Jam has.
Howard asked what happened to Barry Gibb. He saw him on American Idol last night and it looked like he'd had a stroke or something because he was speaking funny. Robin said it could be just age since that whole aging thing is so awful. The guys talked about some of the old Bee Gees songs and how good they were before they went disco. He had Fred play some of their good stuff from the pre-disco stuff. He said that their early songs were almost Beatles-like. Fred played some stuff for Howard and Artie finally realized what he was talking about. He seemed to forget the songs that Howard was talking about.
Fred played some ''To Love Somebody'' and some ''Gotta Get a Message To You'' and as that was playing Howard told Sal to get in there and lick his nuts. Fred said that someone suggested they rename Sal and Richard to Ho and Mo. Fred played a couple more songs including one of their disco songs from the Grease soundtrack. Howard had Fred play another song that wasn't a Bee Gees song. It was a song called ''Cherchez La Femme.'' Howard let that play a little bit but all of the guys were saying that it was really fruity.
Howard asked Jeff when he's going to go back to not working. He said he's going home in two days. Howard asked him if he's going to stop drinking while he's on the antibiotics. Jeff claims he is but Fred said ''bullshit'' and doesn't believe that he's going to stop drinking. Howard let Jeff go a short time later. He asked to be left on hold so he could listen to the show since he didn't have a radio there.
Lisa said that she spoke to one of the guys from Out Q and asked about what Sal and Richard did yesterday and she'll have more about that today on Howard 100 News. She said that the guy said just because they licked balls doesn't mean they're gay. Howard was going to let Lisa go but he mentioned that he saw Lisa out in the hall yesterday and she was very surprised. She wondered if she's allowed to talk to him in the halls like that. Howard said it's fine.
Howard said he was recording some stuff for a Jackie the Joke Man special they have coming up soon. He said he was all over the place with his comments about Jackie. They have that and a History of the Howard Stern Show special coming up soon too. Robin said she was mean about Jackie when she recorded her segment. Howard heard Ronnie was mean too.
Howard said that Andrea claimed she didn't take cocaine the last time she was on the show. She said she won't anymore. She also told Howard about how she was in this detox program for 3 days and didn't know where she was when she woke up. Howard asked her if she's still drinking. She said she is and she's not doing any drugs other than her prescription. She's already had some Jack Daniels this morning. She's not drinking as much as she used to.
Andrea said that her father was very upset with her when she went in after drinking too much a couple of times. Robin asked her if she thinks she should go to a 30 day rehab or something. She doesn't think she should. Howard thinks that she's not really drinking more responsibly if she's drinking Jack Daniels this early in the morning.
Andrea said that she really almost didn't make it after taking those drugs. Artie asked her where her kid was during all of this. She said that she has joint custody and she had her daughter last week. She also said that she doesn't know about all of this and neither does her baby's father. He does now.
Howard told Andrea to come and visit them. She said she wants to come up this month so Howard told her to come up. He let her go a short time later and then played some of her cover of the Trent Tomlinson song ''Drunker Than Me.'' Howard and Robin said that she's so into drinking that she even likes drinking music.
Johnny said that his son does nothing but chase pussy all day long. He'd like to see his son work for him more and stop chasing the pussy so much. He said that he hired his son to work for him but now he just wants to drive around with the top down on his car. He said he tells his son that he's grooming his youngest son to take over for him.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone so he let Johnny talk to him about that job offer he had. Johnny said that he advised him to take the job and he thinks he should have gone. Eric said he thinks that the guy is a coke head an that's why he doesn't want to take the job. Johnny told him that the guy is probably just excited and he was trying to make a big deal out of the job offer.
Johnny said that he got Eric a deal to do some ring tones but he never signed the paperwork. Eric said that's because he couldn't figure out what the deal was. Johnny told him to bring it to an attorney then. Eric said he doesn't have the money for an attorney. Robin said if he signed the paper he might have. Johnny said that the people were big fans of the Stern Show and they could have made him some good money. Johnny said that he could have recorded his voice and then sat back and collected money.
Artie went into his Johnny Fratto impression and had some fun creating a conversation between Johnny and Eric. Johnny was saying that Eric once asked him to call Donald Trump to get him a job. He said he just doesn't have that kind of power though.
Robin asked Eric what he was so confused about with the contract. He said there were too many lines that weren't clear as far as who was to sign and where. Johnny said it was actually a pretty simple contract from what he saw. Artie went into his Johnny impression and called Eric an ''annoying midget fuck'' and things like that. Eric called Artie fat as he does just about every time he calls in these days. He was goofing on Eric while he was doing the Fratto voice. Eric said that he was trying to say something back to him but wasn't able to get it out.
Howard asked Johnny what a guy is supposed to do when a guy disrespects him like that. Johnny said that's when you get the blow torch out and take care of them. Artie was goofing on Eric and his PJ pants and the fact that he humps his bed.
Howard asked Johnny about what he thinks about The Sopranos. Johnny said that they've gone way, way too far with the story line now. He said that the stuff that they've been doing lately is just too sloppy and they would never do that if they were the real mob. Johnny said that the guy going to the shrink alone would get the guy whacked.
Howard asked Eric the Midget if he's going to let Artie talk to him the way he was. Eric said that he was surprised that he wasn't mistaken for manatee down in Florida. Artie shot back with a joke about Eric being used as a football the next time he goes to a game.
Johnny asked Eric if he's had any more of those pee dreams lately and wondered why he told him that story to begin with. Eric said he called Johnny about something else and it just came up in conversation. Johnny still didn't know how that came up in conversation because he sure didn't bring it up. Howard said if he called Johnny, he'd be talking about how he took three guys out and that he needs help with the clean up of that, not to help clean up his pee bed. Johnny said he'd have to wear the haz-mat stuff to clean that up.
Johnny said that when Ralph was out there recently he spent 4 hours playing video games with his baby. Howard believed that. He asked Eric if he knows that calling Johnny to talk about peeing himself isn't the right thing to do.
Johnny told Howard that he thought yesterday's show was the best he's heard. He talked about that and then told a story about his daughter playing out in the yard when they were kids. Johnny Jr. came running in one day and this neighbor had thrown a tomato at his 7 year old son. He said he went out there and confronted the guy and rubbed the tomato right in his face in front of all of the kids out there. The guy didn't call the cops or anything, but he wouldn't come out of his house. He said that his daughter told him one day that the guy had died so he looked out and saw that they were picking him up in a hearse. She said ''he checked out'' like she was his father or something. He said he had to make sure she didn't do anything to him because she sounded like a mobster to him.
Howard said he had to let the two guys go. Eric said that last week's shows were stupid because no one wanted to hear about Gary's party. Artie said that's because Eric has never been to a party. Gary asked Eric if he wanted to hear 3 days of American Idol discussions. Artie threw in a few more lines about Eric as Johnny and goofed on him a little more. Johnny told Eric not to take that shit and fight back a little bit. Artie said that if Eric was there he'd probably try to punch him in the knee. The two of them went back and forth with little jokes like that for a short time. Artie stayed in his Johnny impression the whole time.
They gave Eric the win in the argument. Howard then played a bunch of Eric the Midget song parodies, prank calls and things like that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said a lot of people want him to replay that Jack and Rod show where they play a bunch of jingles over this author they had on the phone. He played the bit after talking it up a little bit. The guys played a bunch of Jack and Rod jingles as the author was trying to promote his book. Sal was inspired to do the jingle thing after seeing a local DJ walking the halls there at SIRIUS because that guy used to play a ton of jingles on his show.
Howard said they have a Stump The Booey contest coming up soon. They need someone who is willing to get naked but it has to be a wife or a girlfriend or maybe a sister or girlfriend. No more strippers. Howard said that if you have someone like that and you think you can beat Gary at music trivia, contact them at 888-9-ASSHOLE.
Howard said they have tougher laws coming down after what went down yesterday with Mandy. He said that kind of thing isn't going to happen again after that. He said he had to tell Gary that they have to get down to business and make sure it doesn't happen again.
Robin said she saw Artie drinking something and wondered what it was. Howard said that Pump restaurant sent up a bunch of food and Artie was drinking some of the healthy food that they sent up there. Howard said Artie was telling him about how he was trying to eat healthy down in Florida. He did an impression of Artie telling him a story and talked about how he was trying to just drink this stuff but by the evening he had to eat something.
Howard asked Joey about why he went to jail, he kind of knew some of the details. Joey said that he was on probation and the cops ended up searching his place and finding some shell casings in the house. He said that they had taken out a shotgun that he had in his house. He thought that they had taken the shells out of the house when he was put on probation. He said that he had paperwork showing when they were purchased and they were bought before he was on probation. He said he had to do a year in jail and he didn't think that he deserved it because he really didn't do anything wrong.
Joey said that he's been sick and he's down by about 50 pounds. Artie said he spent some time with Joey's kid when he was out in L.A. The last time and the kid is a really good kid. He said he really had a lot of fun with him. Howard said it's good that he's got good kids like that.
Joey asked if Howard had his buddy on the line because he needed some guidance on some of the stuff they were asking about. Howard got the guy on so Joey could continue. Joey said that his wife came and visited him when he was in jail but they were all no contact visits. He said he was in L.A. County Jail and it was a wonderful stay. He said that he was on a 24/7 lockdown so they only got out to shower.
Howard asked Joey about how he and Amy Fisher are both getting divorced at the same time and there is some talk that they're getting together. Joey said that he's been in contact with Amy over the phone. He said that life just has to move on now and that's why he stopped saying stuff about her and called her to talk about what went on. Joey also said that he didn't file for divorce himself, it was his wife. He also said that Amy's husband apparently filed for divorce. Joey said that he's going to go to dinner with Amy when he comes to New York next week.
David, the guy on the phone, said that this could be Joey and Amy getting back together and he thinks that it would be a perfect ending to this story. Howard asked Joey if he thinks that this could make the news if he gets back together. Joey said that he's looking forward to getting together with Amy. Joey said that she's not the same person she was but he is looking forward to seeing her. David said that Amy is actually going to be doing Playboy. He said that he's managing her but he's not orchestrating them getting back together or anything like that. They will be doing a TV show based around them though.
Joey Boots called in and said that he wishes death on Joey Buttafuoco because of the things he's done. He said that his whole agenda is to keep himself famous. Joey said that he's going to be getting back together with the woman who shot his wife in the face. He can't imagine why he would do that.
Joey said he didn't know who that guy was so Howard explained to him that it was Joey Boots from the Wack Pack. Joey said that he's just going to be having dinner with her. Howard's phones all went dead in the middle of the phone call so they lost Joey and David. Howard went around the room and asked the guys if they think that this is just a publicity stunt orchestrated by David Krieff. Fred said he thinks that it is. Robin agreed and said there is nothing going on and they're just doing this to create a new TV show. Artie agreed with her. They spent a few minutes debating whether or not Joey would actually sleep with Amy after everything that has gone down over the years. They were also talking about how maybe Mary Jo wouldn't want him doing something like that. The kids would be the ones getting fucked over if Joey actually did sleep with Amy.
Howard said he's trying not to blow his stack over the phone system but they have to regularly reboot it. He said they really need to look into that problem. He went on to read a story about OJ Simpson getting kicked out of a restaurant because the owner of the place didn't like the way he was treating the families of those who were killed. Howard said they should talk to that guy on the phone. He said he's surprised that there's not more of that going on with OJ. Howard also read that Tom Sizemore was arrested in a drug bust and he feels really bad about that because the guy was such a great actor.
Howard had Joey and David back on the phone so he got back to them. He asked Joey if he was out to dinner with Amy and thought she was looking really good, and she said she still loves him, would he have sex with her. Joey said he would. Artie thinks that he's just saying it because they're trying to create interest in all of this bullshit. Howard asked Joey if she was the best pussy he ever had. Joey said that he had a lot of great experiences and she's not the best. He said she was always fun though.
Howard asked Joey about some of the stuff that Amy went through over the years and if he's afraid of that stuff. Joey said that he believes that she's not crazy and that she was on drugs when she shot Mary Jo. Artie was pointing out to Joey that this guy ''David Creep'' is trying to promote this show where he's going to bang the woman who shot his wife. Artie went off on David calling him a ''weasly, parasite creep'' and David went off on him saying that he's not funny and will never be on The Tonight Show and he's got no career without Howard Stern. Artie said that he's not on The Tonight Show because Jay Leno is a fucking asshole.
Howard cut them off and tried to stop the argument. David was telling Artie he doesn't know the whole story and why Joey went to jail. Artie said that had nothing to do with what he was talking about. David told Artie to just be funny because that's what his job is. Artie said that his job is to talk on radio and that's what he was doing. David said he's in the comedy business and no one even knows who Artie Lange is. Howard said he is working on some movies and stuff. David told them about this movie he's working on with Susan Lucci. Artie said that's just what everyone has been waiting for.
Howard lost Joey and David again so he thought the phone system had crashed again. Gary said they were still there but they really weren't. Howard said he wanted to find out if Joey is really going to hook up with Amy Fisher. Howard said he didn't know what was going on and thought that all hell was breaking loose. Joey was back on the line for a few seconds until the phone cut out again. David was back on and said that his phone had cut off 3 times already. It cut off a few seconds later as he was about to go off on Artie.
Howard said that this shows that they need to merge with XM because they can't even afford a decent phone system. Artie said that might have been divine intervention when David got cut off. Howard had Joey back on the phone again so they told him that if he does fuck this Amy Fisher chick, it really could fuck his kids up. Joey said that no one cares about him and no one should get upset if he bangs this chick. He said he'd probably have to sit down with the kids and talk to them about it before he does it. Howard said that would be something to see on a TV show.
Howard asked Joey what he talks to Amy about on the phone. He said that they talk about all kinds of things. He said that she did tell him that she was really in love with him back in the day when they were together. Fred asked Joey if he ever thought things were going to get serious when they were together. Joey said he didn't think it was going to be anything. He really didn't know though. Robin asked him if he's really ready to jump back into something like this so soon after getting out of jail. Howard mentioned that they had David back on the phone so Artie and David picked up on that stuff again but they both calmed down with the arguing. David said he's heard that Artie has moments of genius but he's not hearing it today. He also said that he's not on the phone for himself, he's there to promote this Joey story.
Artie asked David to suppose that someone shot his wife and then to wonder what his kids would think if he slept with that person. David said that people change over time and he really can't say. Howard took a call from a listener who told Joey that this is going to screw up his kids and he agrees with what Artie was saying. David said that he thought that Artie was changing his mind and maybe people deserve a second chance. The caller asked David why he has to be a part of this if he thinks that people could get along like that. David said that this is not his doing, he just facilitates it.
Artie said that he's met all of the Buttafuoco's and they're all good people deep down but this is going to tear them apart even more if Joey goes through with this. David doesn't seem to agree. David was comparing this to a regular divorce but the guys all pointed out that there was more to it than that, this involved a woman shooting another woman in the head.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Joey should stay away from Amy because she's so stupid that she will end up getting Joey into trouble again somehow. David said that this guy sounds like an idiot but Joey asked him to let the guy talk, he wanted to hear him. Howard had to cut him off because he didn't know if he was telling the truth or not. Howard asked David if they're going to tape Joey and Amy having sex if they do it. David said they'll only do it if Howard is there with him.
One caller said that no one cares about Joey or David Krieff and they shouldn't be on this show. He said it's old news and no one cares. David said that they have Dr. Phil involved in this and people do care about it. Joey asked Howard what he thinks would happen if he and Amy were living together going out to shows, going to Vegas and things like that. He wondered if it's a crime. Howard said it is bad and that's what Artie was trying to say to him earlier. He said that this is the woman who shot the mother of his kids in the face. Artie said he'd go nuts if something like that happened with his father and mother.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he understands Howard and Robin's comments but not David's comments about Artie. David said that all he's saying is that there were alcohol and drugs involved back in the day when Amy shot Mary Jo and she's past that now. David was saying that Joey's kids will never accept any of the women who are in Joey's life so going out with Amy isn't different than anyone else.
Dominic said that Artie was just trying to tell Joey that this whole thing could hurt his kids. He doesn't see a problem posing that question. Howard figures that this is a done deal already and Joey is planning on sleeping with Amy already. Joey said that he owes Amy a huge apology and he hopes that there will be someone there to see him do that.
Artie said that Joey's son turned out great and he's not sure why he'd want to drag him into something like this again after he turned out to be so great. Joey said that he's 27 years old and he's not a little kid anymore. Artie said that the kid ducked a bullet in his life and he shouldn't drag him through this again. Joey said he hasn't seen his kids since he went to jail but he knows that they want to see him. He said that Howard was the one guy who gave him the chance to speak back in the day when all of this stuff was going down.
Howard said he thinks that there's something really wrong if he hasn't seen his kids yet and he's been out of jail for 8 days now. Howard let David get in some plugs for what they were working on and also thanked Howard for letting them on the air to promote this stuff. Howard told them to keep them informed about what goes on. Artie said that he hopes that everything turns out okay with Joey's family.
Howard said that Artie was trying to make a good point about screwing with the kid's lives. He said he did kind of disagree with him on putting the blame on David. Artie said that he agrees that Joey is a grown man and he has every opportunity to say no but he wanted to make him think about it a little more. Robin said she thought it was odd that Joey has been out of jail for 8 days and he's more worried about meeting with Amy than anything else.
Howard said that he puts Joey on the phone to talk about that stuff because he finds it interesting. The guys talked about the whole thing for a couple more minutes. Howard thinks that they gave Joey a sobering thought by pointing that stuff out to him about his kids but they'll have to see if he goes through with it.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that his brother was killed by a friend of his and his mother would lose it if he continued to be friends with him. Irish John called in and said that the special would be great if Amy Fisher shot Joey in the head, that's what would make the whole thing watchable. Howard took a few more phone calls and one guy said that Artie was off base about Joey. He said that Artie doesn't have kids so he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said that lecturing Joey was wrong. Howard said that doesn't make any sense. He said that it was all Amy's doing and Joey didn't have anything to do with it. He said that Joey's kids aren't going to accept any other woman in his life. Howard said that might be true but this is the woman who shot their mother. Artie said that the argument that they're not 8 years old anymore is nonsense. He said that you have parent issues until the day you die so age doesn't matter.
Howard said they had enough of that discussion and it was time to move on. Artie said that he shouldn't even know Joey's kid because he only knows him because of this situation. Howard said he's right but they really have to go to break.
Howard mentioned that his deodorant is actually Dry Idea, not Secret like he said earlier in the show. He put the word out there for JD since he was trying to suggest to him what to use to keep the stink away. He also got him some mouth wash and told JD not to swallow it. Artie said that he was watching ''Private Parts'' where Howard swallowed the mouth wash and wondered if it was a joke or happened for real. Howard said it was just for the movie.
Artie said it still gets him that they shot the high school scenes in his old high school. Howard said he can barely remember where he shot stuff for that movie and he never really knows where he is. Robin said they shot a scene across the street from the old K-Rock studio and Howard still didn't know where he was. Howard said that he looked up the address the other day of the building they work in now but he's not sure if he could get himself there if he had to walk from his apartment. He said it would be very difficult and it would probably take him 3 hours to get there.
Robin said that Howard can get lost if he just gets off by one street. She told a story about going to dinner with Steve Rossi one night and Howard was driving. He thought he knew where he was and they ended up driving around for 3 hours trying to find their way home. She said he wanted to ask a truck load of Hispanic people for directions at one point.
Howard and Robin shared a couple of stories about getting lost while Artie said that he really knew his way around because he drove a cab for a while. He said he even knew the subway system and could tell people what to take to get to where they wanted to be.
Richard asked Howard if he's ever done that. Howard said he hasn't and wondered why Richard came in there without clearing it with Gary first. He said he's acting like every guy is gay just because he has done gay stuff. Richard asked everyone in there if they've done the ass play thing but no one cared, it wasn't the same as him licking Sal's balls.
Howard let Steve get to his news preview after that. Steve said that they'll have news about Eric the Midget turning down job offers. He said they'll also have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge staffer Jug Head sending home a tape with some pornographic images on it. They'll have more about that and a new Page 69 gossip segment as well.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Joey Buttafuoco's call today on The Wrap Up Show. Jon will also talk about the phones crapping out and also about JD's stink and some of the other things he talked about today. They'll also talk about Miss Howard Stern's overdose, Jeff the Drunk's recovery and Eric the Midget's continuing job search.
Bill asked if he could do the bit live at the roast next week. Howard seemed to like that idea. Bill did some of the bit live on the phone for them and it got Robin laughing pretty hard. He couldn't recall all of the bit he created so he kind of paused and didn't know where to go with it. Howard told him he should just come in and do it live but not on the roast. Howard played the bit that was originally sent to the show back in 1996.
Howard put Bill on hold so they could book him to come in and do a live performance. Bill said that he wanted to enter the movie contest last year but he accidentally deleted the whole thing. Howard put him on hold and told Gary to book him ASAP. He had Robin start her news
Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about American Idol and playing clips from last night's show. Howard talked about how Paula Abdul doesn't make any sense when she opens her mouth on that show. A little later on Howard took a call from a guy who said that yesterday's show was probably one of the best ever. That led to the guys talking about Sal and Richard's gay stunt. Artie said that Richard's head is still spinning and thinking about more gay shit. He said Richard asked him if he'd put up more money to do more gay stuff so they should come up with something. Howard said he'd put up ten grand if Richard stuck his cock in Sal's ass. Artie thinks they should go for the mouth before going back there. Howard had to go to break so they only spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard was going to wrap up the show but Artie said he had to correct something he said about the show he's doing in Pittsburgh. He said the tickets aren't available on ticketmaster, they're available from the Heinz Hall box office. Howard went into a commercial after that and ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show saying good morning to everyone. He said he would have liked to have kept going with yesterday's show until now but he had to go home and sleep. He moved on to talk about going out to eat with his daughter last night to Pure Food and Wine where they serve all raw foods. He said he almost forgot the name of the restaurant. He couldn't even remember the name of his deodorant on yesterday's show.
Howard wondered if they could do a year's worth of shows if they worked for 3 weeks straight. The guys said they might be able to get that done but it might only get them a summer off.
Artie said there's a great strip club over in jersey called Pure and he thought that's what Howard was talking about at first. Howard said the owner of this restaurant is very cute and she was running around in a sun dress last night. He said that Artie would like her and he's picked her out for him. Robin said she'd fall over if she saw Artie. Howard said it's not like Artie is 350 pounds.
Howard said that tonight on the Superfan Roundtable they're going to have some clips of Artie's mom on the show. They interviewed her and gave him the audio so he played some of that. In the clip his mother says that she's very worried about Artie's weight and she hopes that he gets serious about losing the weight at some point like he's done in the past.
Howard said Artie's mom is a very well spoken woman and a very nice person. He said that Artie weighs more than his mother and sister combined.
Howard said that Joey's son Paul called into the Wrap Up Show yesterday and came off very well. Howard played a clip of Paul telling the guys that his father is the one not calling them back and getting in touch with them. He said that they have tried getting in touch with him but he doesn't return their calls. He said that's what his father does though and it's typical for him.
Howard said that's crazy that Joey doesn't call his kids. He played another clip where Paul was talking about his step-mother where he calls her a cunt. He's not thrilled with her and said that she's done some evil things to him in the past. Howard then read through some e-mail about that segment. There was one person who said that Joey's kids should support him with whoever he dates. Another person wrote in and said they agree with Artie on the whole David Krieff thing. There was another person who said that Fred was right when he said that Joey was nothing but a child molester. Howard didn't even know that Fred had said that.
Artie asked if Joey ever admitted to having sex with Amy. Robin said ''yeah'' but Fred said that yesterday was the first time that Joey ever really flat out said it.
Howard read some e-mail about Sal and Richard's gay ball licking thing on the show the other day. He said that the Bleeding Deacons had created a new version of ''I'm a Gay Papa'' where they used Sal and Richard's names in the song. He quickly played that and then read through some more e-mail. One person wrote in and told Howard and the rest of them that they were sick people for doing what they did on the show.
Howard then took a phone call from a guy who brought up how Artie blew up at Jason and apologized to him recently and he's wondering if he's going to do that with David Krieff. Artie joked that he had sent David some flowers but he was just kidding. He said that guy said something to him that set him off so that's why he went off on him the way he did.
Johnny Fratto called in and told Artie that those comments he made were right. He said that he thinks Joey should be in jail for just being himself. Johnny said he's got friends who shot people who didn't die and they're in jail for a long, long time while this Amy Fisher is running free. He thinks that the day Mary Jo was shot was horrifying for the kids and they shouldn't be put through this nonsense that Joey is putting them through.
Howard asked ''Sir Elton'' if his parents were there with him. He went into his goofy DJ voice and started singing a song instead of answering the question. Howard let Sour Shoes perform his songs instead of trying to interview him. Sour Shoes broke into some Mark Harris ''I'm a Gay Papa'' for a few seconds and then sang some more Elton John songs.
Sour Shoes said something about living in the garage so Howard asked him if that was true. Sour Shoes said that he's actually right down the hall from his parents. They just left to go shopping and he figured they weren't coming back. Howard asked him how old he was and figured he was in his 30s but Sour Shoes said he was born in 1979. No one believed that.
Artie asked ''Elton'' to sing a song for him but the song he asked for was something he didn't know. Howard gave him something easier to perform. Fred then requested some other songs like Devo's ''Whip It'' and another song so Sour Shoes broke into those songs and performed one after the other. Artie threw in some other songs that he wanted to hear and Sour Shoes knew almost every single one they threw out to him. He would break into the song and threw in the name of the person who requested it. Howard eventually had enough and hung up on Sour Shoes in the middle of a song.
Howard talked about how his parents probably thought he was going to be an amazing performer but he's still living at home at this age. He said he's got to interview his parents about what they think about him performing in his bedroom like that. He said he does love that guy though.
Howard read some e-mail about Sour Shoes and people love hearing him on the show. Artie thinks that he should perform a show live somewhere and have people throwing out songs for him to perform. Howard said he's seen him live and you're done with it within a few minutes.
Howard read through some more e-mail. People wrote in and asked to hear more of Fake Arnold. One person said that they loved the phone sex call they did with Nicole Sheridan and wanted to hear it again. Howard also read through some mail about the conversation he had about Nirvana yesterday. Howard isn't into them these days and he's gotten sick of them. Artie said they were really a great band but he does think that they probably overplayed their stuff.
Howard said that they used to hear the Nirvana stuff over and over again at K-Rock. He said he just got sick of it after that. Robin said she couldn't believe they were talking about that because she couldn't get over the fact that Jeff the Drunk basically has a bed sore on his ass. Howard said that's because he didn't treat it and he's got bad skin and bad hygiene. Robin said there's no way it's a stage 1 ulcer like Jeff said it was. She said it's got to be more advanced than that.
Howard read an e-mail about the weight loss challenge where someone congratulated Jason on his weight loss because he looks so much better. Howard said that he got a note from someone who said he can give both Jeff the Drunk and Eric the Midget jobs. He said they can even work from home but Howard said there's no way that either one of them will take the job because they want some kind of show business-like job.
Howard and the guys talked about the Phil Spector case that's going on now. They said that it doesn't look good for the guy at this point but Artie still thinks that the guy could still get off because they don't have enough evidence. He said that you really need video of the guy shooting the woman to get anyone convicted these days. They talked about how OJ got off pretty easy. Howard said that case is a perfect example of how you can get off because of a reasonable doubt. He said he'd give Spector 10 years just for that wig he wears.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard thinks that it's not right for his therapist to let him out of therapy. Howard said his therapist told him that if he only goes to therapy 2 days a week, it's going to be worthless. He has to keep going and doesn't think he can leave right now because he's so fucked up. He said the guy gets him under control when he goes. The caller said he's been through therapy and it worked. Howard said it hasn't worked because he's drunk and depressed right now. Howard and the caller went back and forth about that stuff for a short time.
Howard said that he's working on all of his problems, that's why he still goes. The caller said he hates the world and that's why he drinks so much. Howard said there's something else he's probably hiding from. The caller said he couldn't get into it so Howard said he was going to hang up on him. The guy told Howard and Artie that the show is the reason he's around and told them he loves them. Artie told him to hang in there as Howard was hanging up on him.
Another caller said that he thinks it's easier to get off on a murder charge these days than it is to get off on a DUI charge.
Howard asked Eric if he would take that job he talked about earlier. Eric said if he had that other job, he would be doing the same stuff from home. Robin said that there is no job though, so he won't be doing anything from his room. Howard said that there are many jobs like ''rock star'' that he would like to have so he has to take a job he can get. He said that Eric won't be getting beers for the Rolling Stones. He can sell toner over the phone because this guy is willing to give the job to him. Eric said he would be interested in it.
Howard said that he can hear Eric calling him and asking him if he wants to buy toner. Eric asked him if he wanted to stop being an asshole. Howard said he wasn't. Fred did his impression of Eric and did the phone call thing trying to sell some product to people. Eric said that he doesn't talk like Fred was talking. He said he doesn't have long assed pauses like Fred was doing. Howard said that he really does. He said he even pauses in the middle of a single syllable word and makes it into 3 syllables. Eric told Fred to go sit back there and shut up. Howard said that Eric wasn't doing that today. Fred agreed and stopped with the impression for a short time.
Howard told Eric he would pass the job offer on to him. He also said that Gary told him that he'd walked right past Kelly Clarkson doing an interview yesterday. Gary said that her manager and Kelly both saw him when he walked out yesterday. He said that they were in a studio right next to the Wrap Up Show. Howard heard that John Mayer was also there doing an interview yesterday and he'd be another one to get on the show.
Gary said that the guy, Christopher, who offered Eric a job at the Exotic Erotic Ball was on the phone. Howard got him on the phone since Eric had called him a coke head yesterday. Howard accidentally hung up on Eric so he had to have Gary get him back. This guy said that he offered Eric over $8,000 in money and tickets and stuff and he's turned it down. Howard got Eric back on the line to talk to this guy Christopher. Eric said the guy kept asking him the same question over and over again the other night when he met him.
Eric said that he never asked for $25 like they were saying he did. Christopher said that they have a new Exotic Erotic Ball coming up this fall and they can pay Eric to be the Grand Marshall there. Howard asked him what the job is and what Eric would have to do. Chris said he'd have to make a 1 minute speech and greet people at the ball. Then he can wander the ball from 8pm until about 1 in the morning. He said they could pay him $500 cash and an unlimited number of tickets which are worth $200 each. Howard asked Eric if he was interested. Eric said he'd have to consider it.
Howard had Johnny Fratto on the phone so he asked him if it was true he had offered Eric the chance to dress up as pasta sauce. Johnny said that was true and he was going to pay him $500 a day to drive around Beverly Hills promoting the pasta sauce. Johnny said Eric hung up on him when he offered him that. Eric said he laughs at people who do that kind of stuff so he won't do it. Johnny seems to think that he'd be good at it. He'd like to have him do it on the weekends, not every day though.
Howard said that this guy Christopher sounds like a good guy and not like a coke head at all. He said he had to get going because he had Jeff the Drunk's doctor on the phone so he hung up on all of them.
Howard asked if it's serious that this has spread to the bone. He said it is very serious. He said they need antibiotics that can penetrate into the bone and that's what they're doing now. He said that he needs IV antibiotics and he could potentially need it for 4-6 weeks. Howard asked if the area on his ass could be discolored like it is forever. The doctor said it all depends on how the body handles it. He's not sure if he needs surgery or not either.
Artie asked what would happen if Jeff let it go without doing anything. He said that he could have died if he had let it go but he's not sure how long that might have taken. He said he hopes that they caught it early enough. Artie asked him how much money Jeff has asked him for. The doctor said he hadn't asked for anything and he didn't know what Jeff even did for a living. Artie told him that if he's laying down, that's what he does.
Howard let the doctor go and got Jeff back on the phone. Howard told him that he may have saved his life by sending him to the hospital. Artie said that he could have been dead in a year if they hadn't asked him to get into a bikini. Jeff said that he knows he has to lay off the booze. Howard told him that if he really wants to die, then don't waste everyone's time and just keep drinking. Howard told Jeff to feel better. Artie told him to treat this seriously. The guys figure that Jeff would probably try to stay there as long as he could and he'd be putting a couch in his room. Jeff said he wanted to bring his Xbox in with him but he didn't. Artie was goofing on Jeff for sitting around and doing nothing so Howard said Artie is the same way. Artie said he doesn't just sit around though, he gets up and moves around. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that they have a breaking news story about the voting process on American Idol. She mentioned a story that Steve was previewing yesterday. She said that it seems that the voting is fixed after getting a note from a fan who clued him into what was happening. Howard said he spoke to Steve about this and Steve knew who was going to get kicked off in advance. This was before the voting occurred. Tickets were purchased for Lekisha before the vote took place according to what Steve told him.
Howard said he thinks Steve got the word after the vote occurred but he's really not sure. He said he doesn't believe that Sanjaya didn't win the week he was voted out. If this story that Steve is doing is true, that could mean that Sanjaya should still be in it.
Lisa said that they also have Shuli who spoke to Deepak Chopra about working with Tim Sabean. He's been helping him out with meditation but Tim is only doing it 3 days a week. Deepak thinks he needs at least 5 days. Lisa also said that they have a new Page 69 gossip segment about how Scott the Engineer got himself into to a sponsor meeting that he wasn't invited to. Gary said that they invited a bunch of the guys from the show so Scott may have thought they just forgot to invite him. Howard said he can't believe that and went into his Scott impression. Scott came in a short time later and said that a bunch of guys were telling him to just go over there so he did. He didn't eat anything because he was on a diet. Scott said that he's a nobody and then said ''I guess I'm embarrassing to be around so fuck everyone!'' and walked out. Artie said that he thinks that guy is going to shoot everyone there. Howard went to break after that.
Howard told Scott that he will be invited to everything from now on. Scott said he was sorry he showed up to that meeting without an invitation. He said that everyone from the show was there so maybe he made a mistake by going in there. He knows he's not the most exciting bulb, or the lightest bulb or whatever they say. Artie started laughing when he heard him trying to explain all of that.
Howard said the funny thing about Scott is that he doesn't go to things he's invited to and then shows up to something he's not invited to. Robin said that she failed to invite him to a party one time and he yelled at her for that, then she invites him to stuff and he doesn't show up. Howard got back to the commercial he was in the middle of and finished up the break.
Howard asked Scott what it's like when Ross and Ben have to go into a corner and talk about getting someone out of the room. Howard wondered if Scott dislikes Ross. Scott said that Ross seems like a guy who doesn't want to hang out with him because he thinks he's better than him or something. Howard said that Scott has been on this show for 21 years and it must be tough for him to be kicked out of a room that everyone else is in. Howard said they actually have a picture of Scott standing in the corner all alone at the meeting up on HowardStern.com.
Howard checked out the picture and said that it must be horrible to be treated like that. Scott said he really doesn't think about it that much. Howard asked him if he thinks things will change some day. Scott said he knows that this is the way things are going to go for the rest of his life. Artie said that Scott is the only guy who has any skill in there that would be useful to another radio show if they were replaced.
Gary came in and said that they had a big meeting yesterday about getting the guys from the show into some NASCAR racing stuff but it turns out that Scott was left out of that even though he's one of the biggest NASCAR fans on the show. Scott said that really did bother him because he and Ronnie have been NASCAR fans for a long time. Ronnie was actually invited to participate in the whole NASCAR thing while Scott was left out.
Scott thinks that his name was probably brought up and turned down. Howard figured that he was never even brought up. Gary told Howard that he heard that Ross brings the NASCAR drivers on tours and when they walk by Scott's studio, he tells them not to go in there because they'll start to lose. That happened to Tony Stewart last year. After he visited Scott, he had a streak of bad luck.
Howard noticed that Gary had a sweaty upper lip and it was disgusting. Gary tried to turn the conversation back to Scott but Howard couldn't get off the sweaty lip thing. He said it was very disturbing. Howard said he heard that Ross stopped Tom Brady from going into Scott's studio one day. He wanted to make sure he didn't catch that bad luck thing from Scott.
Howard said Jennifer looks like a very innocent, young girl. She said that she's not so innocent and she has had some girls sexually. She said she started that in college and she had about 8 girls. Howard said that just because she didn't go to a big college or anything doesn't mean that she won't be good against Fred in this game.
Howard asked Jennifer about the first chick she was with. She said that it was her boss when she was an RA at her college. She said that she got close to her boss because they worked together a bit. They would spend time together in her room and she told her that she might be attracted to girls. She said that her boss wasn't very feminine. She was kind of butchy but in a soft way. She was also a Mexican woman. Howard asked her if she was shocked when she told her that she was attracted. She said she wasn't and she had moved right in on her and kissed her when she told her that. Jennifer said they messed around a little bit and laid down on the bed for a short time. She said it was a long time ago and didn't remember all of the details. She said she didn't like her all that much but the other woman did stick her fingers in her. She said that she was kind of annoying at the movie they went to see but it was just the one date they went on.
Howard asked Jennifer if she's dated any hot lesbians. She thought about it but didn't really have an answer so Howard said they had to move on to the game. They brought up the shower curtain that she's going to be hidden behind until she loses. If she loess, they drop the curtain and she's naked. He said the money for the contest is courtesy of TextIWon.
Jennifer got behind the curtain and got naked. She said that she weighs 98 pounds and Howard could see her silhouette behind the curtain and he couldn't wait to see her body. He sent Fred off to Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions. Howard asked Jennifer if she was completely shaved. She said it's not completely shaved, she's got a little down there. Howard moved on to the game a minute later and rushed through it. He had 7 questions that she had to answer in 60 seconds. Here are the questions
Howard had the guys drop the curtain so they could see Jennifer's body. Artie said that she was the hottest chick they've ever had in there. He gave her a ''holy shit'' when he saw her. Howard said that she's got great boobs. She said that she might dump her boyfriend for Artie if he lost 100 pounds. Artie said he could do that by next week. Gary asked her if she was excited because her nipples were very erect. She wasn't sure if she was and just gave him an ''I don't know...''
Howard asked Jennifer about this threesome that she had quickly mentioned. She said that she told her boyfriend that she was into girls and that she wouldn't be opposed to a threesome. She said that she found a woman on the web who she asked about doing a threesome and she agreed to it.
Howard asked Jennifer if she'd ride the Sybian for $500. She said that wasn't enough. Artie said he'd give her $20,000 to have sex with him this afternoon. It was up to $30,000 within a few seconds. Howard kept trying to convince her to ride the Sybian but she wasn't interested in doing it in front of a bunch of guys. Artie threw out the offer to have sex with him again but she turned it down. She said she wouldn't do that because she's not a whore. She said she is attracted to Artie so he knocked the offer down to $15,000. She said she might do it if he lost 100 pounds. He said he can't do that by this afternoon.
Jennifer said she might be willing to ride the Sybian for two thousand dollars. Gary said he might be able to get her a thousand but that was it. He told her that it would be a cool thing to do. Artie told her that she's hotter than Carmen Electra at this point. She eventually broke down and said she'd do it with her panties down. Gary said the money was coming from Beecueticals which is one of their sponsors. Howard gave them a plug but Artie was rushing him through it to get to the Sybian ride. Gary showed her where to sit and how to make the Sybian work for her. She was wearing her panties and the guys thought that she might be better off if she wasn't wearing any. She kept them on though.
Howard asked Jennifer to just ignore them and let loose when they run the Sybian. The guys made Gary wear a mask during this so Gary said he hopes it doesn't keep him from doing his job correctly. Howard had Gary turn it on a few seconds later and watched as she tried to get into it. Jennifer said it felt good as Gary was turning up the power. She said she felt like she was going to fall off of it. She made a few sounds but not all that many and also laughed through most of it. She finished a few minutes into it and said she usually sounds different than that.
Artie raised up his offer to $80,000 after the Sybian ride. Will pointed out that her nipples were so hard that the headphone cord kept getting caught on them. Artie then raised his offer to $100,000. Jennifer was still turning it down though. That led to Artie asking if he thinks that Richard would let a gay guy blow him for that kind of money. The guys figured that Richard would be willing to do more than that for that kind of money.
Howard got back to Jennifer's lesbian story and asked about the girl he met on the web. She said that they met out at a bar one night and took it from there. She said that the girl was attractive so they took her back to their house after having a few drinks. Howard asked her how they get into it. She said that they watched some TV and usually it's the girl's first time when they do this stuff so it takes a little while. There was a popping sound in the studio from a bulb that had broken so Howard said that was actually the head of his penis exploding and Artie said it was his right nut.
Howard asked Jennifer what happens when they get the girl back to their apartment. She said that they undress and start kissing and kind of ease into the eating out thing. She said that her boyfriend will feel up the other chick and will bang both of them. Artie wondered why he doesn't have that kind of thing going on in his life. He said they're all a bunch of losers.
Howard wanted to see her boyfriend to see who is getting a chick like this. He and Artie said they know they're going to hate him. He came in and Howard said ''Are you kidding me?'' which was the predictable comment. The guy is a web developer and he met her on the internet of course. Artie said he's got to get a computer. The guy said he met her on a dating site but couldn't remember which one it was. She said she wasn't able to meet the right kind of guy in her regular life so she went to the dating site. Artie asked the guy how old he was. He said he's 38 years old but Artie said he found that hard to believe because he looked like he was in his 40s. Howard said he hates this guy because he's getting a chick that brings chicks home to him. The guy said he's not sure he wants to get married or not. Jennifer wasn't sure either and said she doesn't want any kids.
Howard said he really likes this girl. Artie asked Jennifer if the girls they get are in her league. She said they are sometimes. Howard wondered if this guy calls his friends and brags to them. Jennifer said he doesn't have any friends to brag to. Artie said that he's 30 sit-ups away from that guys' body and he thinks he could get her. Howard wrapped up with Jennifer and finally found out her boyfriend's name, Jake. He went to break after that.
Lisa said that the last time she was on the show she saw herself on his web site and that inspired her to start asking white guys out and it's working for her. She said that she likes this guy she's with now. She said that he wasn't so great the first year but now she thinks he's great. She said that he's kind of poor so he's black in that way. She said that he's kind of young too. Lisa said that they broke up a few times and got back together. She said that they have a great sex life too.
Howard said he read in the notes that she wasn't so thrilled with the guy but Lisa said that wasn't true. She said that she decided a few months ago that she was going to stop dating for a year or so. She said she cut the guy off and told him she had to stop talking to him. That's what broke him and changed the guy. She said he's also the guy that she gave a hand job to on an airplane. She said she told him to look out the window when they were flying to Milwaukee one day and she reached under a blanket she had over him and jerked him off. There was a woman next to them on the plane and she kept turning up her iPod.
Lisa said that her man was out in the green room. Artie had seen him out there when he saw her earlier. Lisa said that she was really in love with this guy and when she told him not to call her, she was really broken up over it. Then he came through and changed for her. Howard wanted to see this guy so the guys brought Tommy in. Howard asked him if he was really white because he looks kind of dark. Tommy said that he's actually Italian. Howard asked him about the hand job he got. Tommy said it was great and he'd do it in the studio if they had a blanket.
Tommy told Howard that Lisa is great and his mother loves her. He said that she asks his mother how her cunt is when she visits and stuff like that. Lisa said that every woman wants to be asked that question. Lisa told the guys that this guy was a tough nut to crack and she had to work on it for a year. She said that she was introduced to him through Judy Gold.
Howard asked Lisa how long it took this guy to get into her pants. She said it was about 6 months before they slept together. Tommy joked that it was only 30 minutes. Lisa said that she liked him so much that she was afraid to be with him. She said that he's adorable and she really likes him. He said that he's a comedian and he opened up for her one night but that won't happen any more. Lisa said that she can't sleep with her opening acts anymore. Now she takes a gay guy and a couple of dykes with her on the road instead.
Lisa told a story about how they were on their second date and Tommy asked her to cash his $125 check from the Stress Factory comedy club so he could pay his bill that night. She thought that was cute. Lisa told the guys about how she cried a little in an article she did for the Washington Post and her manager got upset with her about that. She said that shows that she's vulnerable.
Howard asked Lisa about Richard Jeni and if she knew him. She said she did know him and she had to stop hanging out with him because he was kind of creepy the way he always hit on anything with a cunt. He hit on her too. She said that he was very resentful when she worked with him and he wouldn't even sign autographs and stuff.
Howard asked Lisa what she thinks about this Imus firing thing. She said she's said much worse things than he ever did but she doesn't have sponsors to worry about.
Angry Black called in and said that he was going to ask her out but now she'd dating this gay guy so he can't. Lisa then read a note from Angry Black where he asks her out on a date and tells her that he makes six figures and can pay for dinner himself. He mentioned that she's got two bookings on the show this month so that led to Howard talking about how she's going to be doing the Andy Dick roast next week. Lisa said that Andy is so goofy because he claims he doesn't like her but then called her to help him write a movie with him. She said she's been working on material for the roast for the past 2 weeks now and she's got another week go to before the roast.
Howard asked Lisa how often she's getting laid now. She said they've only been together again for about a week and they've done it two times now so twice a week is about it. Howard read that she's in a movie too so she talked about that. Lisa said that she's in the movie for about 13 seconds and the movie is called ''Delta Farce.'' She said she told her mother not to even bother seeing the movie because she's not in it that long. Artie said he knows what that's like because he was in that movie ''Mystery Men'' for the first five minutes. He said he got a call from his sister after about 25 minutes in asking him if he was in it anymore because their mother wanted to leave. That's how bad the movie was.
Howard gave Lisa some plugs for some upcoming shows she's got coming up. Howard also took some phone calls and one guy asked her if she'd ride the Sybian. Lisa said that she won't ride it. Howard said Lisa seems much happier today than she's been in the past. She said that this project getting this guy Tommy took her a year to work out and she's very happy that it did.
Howard asked Tommy if Lisa is bad in bed because he gets the feeling she thinks she is. Tommy said she's good so Howard asked them what they're into. Lisa said that she's great at head and she only got good at it when she met this guy. She said she used to get bored but with this guy she doesn't. She said that his nut sack is really big too. Howard asked Tommy if she does anything wild in bed. Lisa said that she forced him to make her suck his dick the other night. Tommy said he will grab her head and force her onto his dick sometimes. Howard asked if Lisa dresses up in outfits for him. He said that they haven't been together long enough for that.
Howard asked Tommy if he ever gets behind Lisa and screws her from there. He also asked if she's got any cellulite on there. He said he does that but he doesn't look at her ass to see if it has cellulite or anything. Howard took another phone call and the guy said he had just puked after eating breakfast after hearing these stories. He then said that Lisa is actually very funny and great in concert.
Another caller asked Lisa if she ever compares her dick size to this guy's. She said that she knows she has the bigger cock. She was also saying that Tommy is like the only guy who isn't afraid of her and that may be the reason she likes him so much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard turned him on to Lisa but now his wife hates the ''cunt'' word. The guy was at her show at the Tower Theater near Philly. Artie said that place is in the worst neighborhood he's ever been through in his life.
Lisa said that she got a deal with comedy Central to develop an animated series, she had forgotten to tell Will about that to put it in the notes. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Lisa and let Yucko the Clown go off on her for a few seconds. Howard gave her a few more plugs for the shows she has coming up and then went to break. Find out more about Lisa's upcoming comedy dates at InsultComic.com.
Robin said that Joey just keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Jessie said that's exactly what it is. Howard asked Jessie when it was that she last spoke to her father. She said she saw him before he went to jail and then she sent him letters while he was in there and it pissed her off when she heard him saying that they didn't contact him. Jessie said that she can't believe that her father has contacted Amy Fisher twice already and hasn't hollered at her yet. She said that she's trying to do the right thing to make her parents look good and it's not easy because people know who they are and ask her if she's related when they see her last name. Howard asked her if she's ever considered changing her last name. She said that she has thought about doing it when she sees her father doing these crazy schemes that he does.
Howard asked Jessie what she thought when she heard her father talking about that stuff yesterday. She said that her mother almost died when she heard that stuff yesterday. Jessie said that they keep trying to move on but her father and this David Krieff guy keep going back to that same story. Howard asked her if she would end her relationship with her father if he slept with Amy Fisher. She said maybe but she kind of expects it at this point.
Howard asked Jessie what it was like growing up and what kind of relationships she's had with guys. She said she's never had a boyfriend because she has trust issues. She said that she's still a virgin at the age of 24. She said she doesn't want to end up in a relationship like her parents had. She's dealt with that stuff since she was 9 because that's when her mother was shot in the face. She was at school that day when her mother got shot and she remembers everything that was going on back then. She said she was kind of sheltered from all of the stories about her father having sex with a young girl.
Jessie said that she loves her mother's new husband, Stew The Jew. She said that he's a good person and that's why she likes him. She said that she hates her father's new wife, Ivanka, and went through some of the stuff that she's done to them that has made her hated so much. Howard said it sounds like they don't have that great of a relationship with Joey which is the opposite of what Joey was saying yesterday. Jessie said that this latest thing that Joey is doing is the worst and he's just gone too far with it.
Jessie said that she's working two jobs now and one of them is a web site called NowLive.com and she's having a great time doing it. She explained what that site is all about. They spent a minute on that and then Dominic Barbara called in and talked about what a sweet girl she was when he knew her years ago. He asked her some questions but Jesse said he remembers playing video games in his basement and stuff like that when she was a kid. She said that things were pretty normal in the house back when all of that crazy stuff was going on.
Howard said that if Joey is listening he should probably call his daughter and just say hello to her. Jesse said she would take the call and she'd like to hear from him. Howard let Jesse go a short time later.
Steve said that they want to know more from executives at American Idol and FOX but no one is responding. Steve said that they have e-mailed them twice and have received no response from them. Howard said they need Steve to go under cover and investigate from inside the show. They spent a few minutes on that with Ralph calling in and saying that he thinks they're nuts for thinking that they'd pull something like that. Steve said that they have a new tape of an old news report where Howard begs people to listen to his show in Detroit. Steve also got in some plugs for some upcoming shows.
Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Jennifer playing Win Fred's Money. While he was talking about that Howard said that they got bad news about this kid Pat Bombino who had come in there and talked about his battle with cancer. He said Pat has died. Artie said that was really sad because he had taken the kid out to lunch and he was the nicest kid in the world. He said the kid looked healthy to him when he hung out with him. Howard said he was happy the day the kid was in there. He saw some pictures of the kid and talked about him for a few minutes with Artie. Artie said that the kid hate a good appetite when he went out to lunch with him. Artie said that was a real punch in the gut when he got the news this morning. He thought the kid was going to live forever.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and said they'll talk about Lisa Lampanelli's visit and also about Scott the Engineer getting snubbed among other things. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Gary came in and said that he heard that when Kelly Clarkson was up there yesterday she had 3 cupcakes that the restaurant Crumbs had sent up there. They're the cupcakes that Artie eats all the time. Artie ran out to grab one since they were talking about them. Howard said the cupcakes are huge but in Artie's hands they look like tiny Hershey Kisses. Artie described the cupcake and talked about how delicious they are. Howard told him to think about that chick who said she'd fuck him if he was 100 pounds lighter. Artie thought about it for about a second and then ate the cupcake. Artie said that if you go to the Crumbs restaurant and order the ''Artie Lange'' cupcake, the proceeds go to the Lifebeat charity.
Howard mentioned during the news that he tried to watch this awful movie that Adam Sandler did with Don Cheedle and only got through about 15 minutes of it. Artie said he actually liked the movie. Howard and Robin found that hard to believe but Artie swore he liked it.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am. Artie got in a quick plug for a Comedy Central show he'll be hosting next week called ''Live at Gotham.'' It airs Friday May 18th at Midnight on Comedy Central.
Howard started off the show talking about how they were going to be rehearsing as The Losers this morning for the upcoming battle of the bands against Barry Williams tomorrow. He said he's got a bunch of other things to get to today as well. He's supposed to be winning an award for Entertainer of the Millennium. Norm MacDonald will be coming in as well.
Howard said he ran into Jon Lovitz yesterday and talked to him about Andy Dick and the problems he's had with him. He said he'll talk more about that later. He said he's got some more F-Emmys to give away. Gary came in and talked about the Jerry Lewis movie that they've been talking about lately where Jerry plays a anti-Semitic clown. He's like to put that movie out over the web or something. They really just want to see the movie. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
Gary told Howard that Barry's people were telling him that there's some kind of thread through all of the songs on his album that they might want to ask him about tomorrow. Howard played some of the original version of ''Rhythm of the Night'' to prepare for this band practice. That's the song they're going to perform against Barry tomorrow. Howard prepared for the band practice and had Steve the Engineer help out with set up.
Everyone was fumbling with their instruments so Howard told them to get their act together and get going. Everyone else sounded fine, Howard was just pounding away on the steel drums not really playing much of anything. Robin asked him if he knew what he was even playing. Fred started to sing but his mic wasn't open. Then they turned his mic on and the instruments could barely be heard. Howard started banging away on the steel drums once again when he was given the signal to start.
Gary was supposed to be playing trumpet but when he was asked to start playing no sound was coming out. Howard kept banging away on those steel drums though. Fred was singing while Scott the Engineer was on the regular drums. Howard said he was really wailing on those steel drums but it was very hard to play with the rope tied to the sticks. He said he was really working hard on that.
Howard asked Fred if he knew he couldn't be heard and why he didn't do anything about it. Gary told Howard he wasn't able to get one sound out with that trumpet. He said he lost his lip but Howard told him those lips aren't lost at all, they're still there. Gary tried to play it again but nothing was coming out. Howard said he thinks that his lips have actually grown.
Howard took some phone calls and let the fans comment on that performance. One guy suggested they just let a cow with a bell around it's neck walk around the studio instead of playing those drums. Howard said it didn't sound that bad. He talked about how the engineers have to get their act together before tomorrow. That led to Howard going off on Scott the Engineer for not having everything set up right. Scott came in and tried to defend himself saying he heard Fred just fine in his headphones. Howard said no one else could so he wondered what the problem was.
Howard and the guys were all complaining about the engineering on the song and how their mic's were all turned down to volumes that couldn't be heard at points during the song. Howard said he's just cursed and he really doesn't want to come to work some days. Howard told Gary not to ever consult Scott on this stuff but Gary said it was actually Richie that set it all up for them and assured him it was all good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the song was horrible. He suggested a Rusty Trombone so Howard told him that was funny and hung up on him. Another guy said that Scott's drumming was awful. He also pointed out that all they could hear was Howard's drums and the bass being played. Stuttering John said he could only hear the bass in his headphones. Howard wanted to hear the replay of the song so he could hear how bad it was.
Gary said that his trumpet was sabotaged and clogged up with something so that's why he wasn't able to play it. He said he'll be prepared for tomorrow though. Howard talked about how he thought his own drumming was great but everyone else told him it was awful. He said he was just trying to get into it.
A caller told Howard he has pictures of Fred's wife kissing and hugging another man if he wanted to see them. Fred said he doesn't believe the guy had anything like that. Howard told the guy to bring them down. He said the guy in the picture is a white guy when Howard asked if he was black or white. The caller said he couldn't make it down there until tomorrow morning so Howard said they'd send someone down to pick them up instead. Howard laughed and said he can't wait to see those pictures.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jackie has a picture of his wife up on his web site and it looks like she's missing a tooth. He wondered if Jackie beats the tar out of her. Jackie didn't get into that so Howard dropped the discussion. He said he's got a bunch of stuff to get to today but he had to go to break.
The kid said his parents have a problem with him not coming back until after curfew. Howard told him he's a pain in the ass just like he said. That's why his parents are giving him a hard time. The kid said that his parents took him to court to try and work things out but that didn't work. Howard said he'd talk to the father and figured the kid was a holy terror.
Howard waited for the father to get on the phone for a short time but the kid couldn't make it happen. Then he got back on the phone and said he had to run off to school because the bus was there. Howard said all the kid has to do is come home on time and it seems pretty simple for him to get out of trouble.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard is very ugly looking and he's crapped out poop better looking than him. He also said that he looks like he's got a smell about him because he looks so bad. He also told Howard that he sucks and he can't get away from the show because his boss makes him listen every day. Howard thanked him for that call and said he was a dick.
Howard said he wanted to see the award. David gave it to him but Howard said it looked like a bowling trophy. He said he'd probably use it to bonk people over the head when they don't listen to him. Robin suggested it could be used for a door stop. Howard said he could use it to beat Scott the Engineer over all of the excuses he was giving for the mixing of the song earlier.
Howard said that this award means a lot if this guy David is telling the truth. He asked David how many people were involved in this vote. He claimed it was a couple hundred thousand but Howard found that hard to believe. He talked to David a little bit about the award and made a little bit of an acceptance speech. He thanked a few people including his agent and even David Manheim. Howard also thanked people like Vinnie Favale and the people helping to create his TV show ''Son of the Beach'' and many other people who have helped him out over the years. He thanked Anne Marie for wearing those tight pants of hers every day. He let David go a short time later and then remembered that he'd forgotten to thank Lonnie from Scores so he got that in as well.
Riley said that he's no longer working at the chicken farm. He said he did work with the Hacketstown Rescue Squad helping them raise some money. He said he is not supposed to be incarcerated from what he's been told. He may have to serve some time doing community service or something. He's pretty sure he'll be stuck in New Jersey for a while and that will kill him knowing that he can't leave the state.
Riley said that he wanted to give a shout out to a couple of people who helped him out in all of this. He did that and then Howard wrapped up with him. He told him to check in after the sentencing. Riley said he would do that.
Howard had Gary the Retard on the phone and he was rambling about something that Howard didn't care about. He said he didn't want to try and figure out what he was talking about. Gary then said hi to Lonnie at Scores and to the rest of the guys there on the show. Gary was saying that his doctor sees him on TV all the time. He said he goes to the doctor for his feet. He's got calluses on his feet that he has to have taken care of. Howard let Gary go a short time later and said he's got to get him in there sometime soon. Howard said he always seems happy and you're probably better off being a retard if you want to be happy all the time. He said he's got great retardation because he's always taken care of and has no worries.
Norm sounded kind of out of it this morning and it turns out he was up all night playing cards. Norm likes to gamble so Howard spent some time talking to him about that. Norm said that he won $9,000 betting on some baseball games. When he played cards last night he lost a mere $1,100. Norm didn't want to talk about all of that stuff but he eventually revealed his losses. Howard asked Norm about the nine grand he won and got the details of all of those bets. He also asked about the card game and how he lost that money.
Norm claims he doesn't have a gambling problem. Artie said that he has a problem himself so he's not one to talk. Norm said that Artie has a drinking problem. Artie told him not to say that, he's got to try and get some work. Howard asked Artie what he's up to these days. Artie said he did a couple of movies including ''The Bachelor.'' He talked about how hot Renee Zellwegger was in that movie. Howard changed the subject and asked Norm about that Nikki Cox chick on his show. Howard was calling her ''Nikki Cock'' so Norm told a story about this guy Bill Macy who did his show and when he met Nikki, he told her that his name was ''Bill Pussy.'' He was forced to apologize to her after that. Norm said that Nikki is a really nice girl.
Norm told Howard that Artie got a phone number from a fat girl at the ABC lot. Artie joked that he gets laid all the time. Howard brought up something he found on the web about the size of Norm's penis. He read that Norm has a huge penis and it's even bigger than Milton Berle's. Norm didn't really confirm or deny the rumor. He did tell a story about how he went out with a woman one time and she thought it was huge but he thinks it was an optical illusion because she was drunk at the time.
Howard asked Norm about dating. Norm claims that he doesn't date, he just whacks off a lot. He's divorced from his wife but lives only a few blocks from her now. He said it's great because he gets to visit his kid a lot. Howard said the best thing is that he can bring the kid back to his wife when he gets tired.
Howard asked Norm about David Spade and all of the hot chicks he gets. They spent a short time talking about him and how a lot of hot chicks hang out with him but no one is sure if he's getting laid. Norm said that David doesn't like to hang out with him. Howard said he'd like to hang with Norm and play cards or something. He said he wouldn't want to look like a pussy when he plays. Norm told him the best thing to do is go to a casino to play cards.
Howard asked Norm when he finished playing cards. He said he actually just finished a few hours ago. Howard asked him if he has bets on some games going already today. Norm and Artie talked about some of the games they'd be betting on. Artie said that he thinks the Yankees are going to win this week and he'd be pretty safe with that bet. Howard took a call from a guy who said Norm sounds like he's ''on the pipe'' but Norm said that was just from staying up late. He said he doesn't have any drug problems or drinking problems either.
Howard asked norm if he would go to a Saturday Night Live reunion show because he read he was asked to do that. Norm said he wasn't sure. He said he's not sure if the guys who fired him would be at the 25th anniversary show. Norm said he spoke to Eddie Murphy about doing his show. Howard wondered how he met him and found out he worked with him on ''Dr. Doolittle.'' He said it was tough to talk to someone like that on the phone. Howard said it is weird when someone famous calls like that. He said he spoke to John Bon Jovi the other night and John asked him to go out for a beer but he had to go to bed so he didn't go. He said he used to talk to David Letterman at home but Dave stopped calling him because he would talk about their conversations on the air.
Norm said he heard that Howard was going to a psychiatrist so he told a story about going to one himself. He said that about a week after he went, he read in the paper that the guy had killed himself. He was a complete mess and he felt guilty about it because he was wasting his time with his nonsense.
Howard asked Norm more about dating but Norm claimed that he never dates. He said that he just doesn't date anyone and just masturbates. He took some phone calls after that and one guy said he loved that movie ''Dirty Work.'' Howard said he never saw the movie. He said he was asked to be in the movie playing the part of the devil but he turned it down.
Howard asked the guys how it is working on a sitcom. Norm said it's easy for Artie. Artie said he hardly has to spend any time there but Norm works hard. Howard said he's never done a sitcom but he did work on the Garry Shandling show ''Larry Sanders'' which was similar. He said they didn't have an audience though. He talked about how they drag on the taping for a really long time. He said Garry Shandling was wondering why he was eating yogurt in the scene but Howard said he had to tell them that he just had to get going and couldn't stick around there waiting for them to figure that nonsense out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to be on his show but had no experience. Howard hung up on him and ended up talking more about this Saturday Night Live special with Norm. Norm said he'll do it if he can do some funny stuff on there. Howard took some more phone calls after that and one guy complained about the beer commercials that Norm was doing. Norm said they're great commercials and he got some good money to do them. He said he only had to do one commercial and it only took one day to do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was back in Vegas in August and saw Norm playing craps with some hot chick. Norm said he was there at the Mirage. The caller said the chick was tall, long blonde hair... Howard asked Norm why he lies about that stuff. Norm said it was probably just some girl who was at the table. The caller said he was stalking Norm all night and he knows that he was with her.
Gary told Howard that Norm had to get going soon. Howard wondered where he had to go. Norm said he was doing Regis' show and he didn't want them to book it on the same day but that's the way things worked out. Howard told Norm he should have gotten some sleep before doing all of these shows. Norm said he thought he'd have super energy if he stayed up all night.
Howard told Norm that he should talk to Kathie Lee on the sweat shop problem she's been having with her clothing line. He said that might get him booted off the show though. Howard told him to ask her something simple like ''Do you hate Howard more on radio or on TV?'' Norm said that maybe he could reconcile them on that show. Howard said that maybe he should just ask her if she uses a dildo or if she's ever had a three way with a she-male. Howard said he did that show one time but not when Kathie Lee was on, it was someone else.
Howard and the guys talked about Kathie Lee and how messed up she seems to be as a mother. Howard was saying that she's pushing her kid into being a celebrity and it's just wrong to do that. Howard then suggested that Norm ask Kathie Lee if she's ever seen Regis' penis. He saw that he had Harry Shearer on the phone so he had to move on to that. He had to wrap up with Norm a short time later because he had to get going. They went to break after that.
Howard heard that the movie was locked up in a vault because Jerry owes people money and they just can't release it. There was another story about how the movie was just so awful that no one would want to see it. Harry said he heard that there was some Iranian money involved in the production and among some assets that were seized at one time were the negatives for the movie. Howard didn't think that could be the story either.
Howard asked Harry how he got so lucky to see the movie and if he could somehow get a chance to see it himself. Harry said he knows this guy who had the movie at his fingertips for a short time but he's no longer able to get his hands on the movie. He said that person was involved with the telethon at the time but that person is no longer involved. He said that the person got the tape and showed it to him when he had access to it.
Harry said that he got an e-mail from someone who said he saw some of the movie and they had found some of the elements from the movie in a cardboard box. Harry said there's another reason that he may have made the movie was because he owned some movie theaters in the past and he figured he could have put that movie into them.
Harry told Howard that he sat in the home of this person and watched the movie even though it was never completed. They hadn't put the music into the movie yet but it didn't hurt it. He said that you just sit there stunned watching the movie. He said Jerry tried to do the movie ''real'' so it wasn't fun. He said that it's not a funny movie and Jerry is playing the part straight. Harry said that this was 20 years ago or so that he saw the movie. He said he watched the whole thing and there was no way he was going to stop it while he had the chance to watch it. Harry said that there were no other big names in the movie. Gary came in and told Howard he heard some stories about some of the other people in the movie and the lead woman in it was horrified by the final result of the movie.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Harry about the Jerry movie. Howard heard that Jerry actually yelled at one of the kids for looking into the camera. He said that Harry is one of the few people who actually got to see that movie. Howard said he has a script from the movie but hasn't seen the actual movie yet. Harry said if he ever gets to see it again, he'll make a copy of it for him. Gary said that's the one thing that they've never been able to get a copy of even though people send them stuff all the time.
Gary said he's going to try and get in touch with Jerry to see if they can work something out to get the movie released. Howard said he'd love to be the one to get the movie released to the public. He said they could offer Jerry 500 pair of crutches and a wheelchair to give to his kids.
Howard demanded that Tom bring in the list of stuff that was edited out of the show. The caller said he's sick of this stuff just as much as Howard is. Gary came in and said that Andre is willing to come in and talk about it but he needs someone to cover the button. He needs Tom Chiusano to go cover it while he comes in to talk about it. Andre showed up a short time later and said that he didn't want to talk about it on the air. He wanted to wait until after the show. The caller was telling him that he's ruining the show and he has to stop doing that.
Howard asked Andre how many times he's hit the delay today. Andre said it's about 4 times but Howard hit it about twice. Howard wanted to know what he dumped out of. Howard hit it on the curse words so he wondered what Andre was dumping out of. He told Andre ''Take less dumps!'' Andre said it's not just him, it's going to be anyone who sits in the room and hits the delay. Howard told him that he hits the delay and it's very unclear why.
Stuttering John came in so Howard told him to go up and talk to Tom to get the list of things they hit the delay on. The caller told Andre that maybe he should stay off the button and let Howard handle the censoring himself. That would never happen. Howard said he wants the list of things he's getting dumped on during the show so he can see what he's losing.
Gary said Tom was willing to let them talk about what was censored out of the show. Howard said he could talk about it in a way that they wouldn't have to hit the delay again. That led to the guys goofing on Tom and doing their impressions of him as a robot. Andre came back in a minute later and said he knows this is going to piss Howard off. Andre showed Howard the list and Howard went through it to let people know what they missed. Howard said that Andre bleeped out the word ''poop'' for no apparent reason. Tom came in a few seconds later as Howard was reading through the list.
Howard asked Tom why they're bleeping out the term ''full penetration'' and why that is. Tom said it depends on the context it's said in. Howard talked about that and then Andre suggested that he hit the button on that. Tom said they didn't have to in this context. Jackie said that Andre is very busy back in the back flipping a coin with all of that crap. The caller yelled at Tom and told him to just take Howard off the air if this is the way they're going to ruin the show. That led to Howard talking about how they can say the S-word in a song but he can't. He wondered what was up with that double standard. No one was sure about anything regarding this censorship stuff.
Tom said that this is a very imperfect science because they have very vague guidelines to go by. Howard told the caller, Bob, that he didn't know what to tell him. He's not sure what else he can do. He wanted someone to be there to tell Howard when the delay is hit so Howard offered to let this caller be the person who does that. Tom was upset that the caller couldn't say anything other than ''G.D.'' (God Damn). Howard told Tom to grow up and just say God Damn instead of G.D. The caller threw in one more as Howard was wrapping up with Tom and Andre.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Norm was feeling up Kathie Lee on Regis' show. He didn't mention Howard or do any of the stuff Howard suggested he do. Howard had to go to break a short tome later.
Sam was saying that there are other things that should be censored but aren't. He talked about a school shooting thing and how some of the kids there ended up in hell. Howard said he didn't want to go there and said that they might have to hit the button on him.
Sam said that Don Imus is such a loser that his whole show should be one long edit. He goofed on him for a short time. Howard said he loves talking to Sam and would like to hear from him some more. Sam asked them to send him some coke and threw in that ''Alan Funt is a dick'' as he was hanging up.
Howard told Gary that he should have left about 5 hours early instead of just a few hours. Gary said that would have been ridiculous. He's made the trip a million times and there's never been trouble. He gave himself plenty of time but this one time it didn't work out for him. Gary said that he's still in negotiations with them about what kind of money they're going to pay him. He said he really doesn't care what they give him now because they really weren't that nice to him.
Howard told Gary that he should have left in the afternoon and he would have been there on time. Gary said there was no way he could have predicted that there would be an accident on the way there. He said he's never had this kind of trouble in the past, it was just this one time that he did. Gary said the trip is a 2 hour and 50 minute drive from his house and he gave himself an extra hour to get there. Howard told him he should have gone up early and gotten a hotel room. They went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard told Gary he should probably leave now for his next appearance. He said that if it were him, and he finished work on a Friday morning, he'd drive up early that day to be sure he was there on time for the appearance. Gary said he thinks he's just saying that in hindsight when that's not fair. He said there was some other upsetting things about the whole ordeal but he didn't want to talk about them on the air. He said that it had to do with money and he figured the station up there wouldn't want him to discuss it. Howard let Gary go and had Robin start her news after that.
The woman came in a few minutes later so Howard asked her what was going on. Her name was Charity and she said that she's not crazy, she's a hugger. She said that she can burp and her friend's told her to go down there to get on the show. She did that real quick and Howard didn't think she was all that wacky. KC said she was standing on her head when he found her out in the green room. Howard told KC that he was the insane one, not her. Howard said she was just a hippie type.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Charity before he kicked her out. She asked for hugs from Howard and Robin but neither of them were willing to hug her. KC didn't want to hug her but Howard told him to go for it. KC told the guys that his final masterpiece had not been done yet as if it were some kind of weird, cryptic message about offing everyone in the studio or something. Howard had Robin finish up her news after that. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 9:55am (Master Tape Theatre time)
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