Howard started off the show asking Robin not to tell him her problems because he doesn't tell her his. He didn't go on any more about that. He went on to say that Robin and Alison Norris set up a surprise engagement party for he and Beth so they did that last week after the show on Thursday.
Howard asked Robin if she checked her messages over the weekend because he left her a 5 minute message about the party. He said he always feels like a douche bag when he does that. He left a message for Fred and he got that but Robin hadn't gotten the message he left her. Howard also said he throws parties for people and they never thank him.
Robin said she just checked both phones and she didn't have any messages. He said he left her the message on what he thought was her cell phone but he said it's possible it was her home phone. He said he's never calling her again because she never gets his messages. He knows that her voice mail said her first name but Robin said she doesn't have one that says her last name. Howard passed the number to Gary and asked him if that's the right number. Gary checked it out and said that he'd check it against the number he called.
Howard said he was never going to leave another message for Robin if she doesn't get the messages. He said it was a long message and he can't believe she didn't get it. Gary said the number he calls is Robin's home phone. Robin checked her messages again but nothing was there. Howard was pissed because he said the message was really nice and very long and he couldn't recreate it.
Howard said the party was very nice and he really can't trust Robin's cell to give her the messages. Fred said it might be delayed because that's happened to him with Verizon before. Howard said that's ridiculous and couldn't believe that it would be delayed.
Howard said the party was held at this Cafe Grey and it was really nice. Artie was there and made a great speech for them. Robin said that Artie really is good at that stuff. Artie said that he had kind of thought about it and wrote some stuff down when they got there. He didn't have a lot of time to think about it before that. They had some audio from the event so they could hear some of the speeches. Howard said he hates getting up and speaking in front of people because he's not witty and he doesn't have any good lines to say. Artie is unbelievable when he gets up and starts talking. Artie said he's been doing that for 20 years now so that's why he's good at it.
Howard said he sees why Artie is worshiped by some comedians. He has a lot of talent from what he's seen. Artie said that he can come up with stuff pretty quick and just has to scribble some stuff down on a piece of paper. He did that with his table card at this party. Howard said Artie reminds him of this chess player Anan who is one of those guys who is just amazing at what he does.
Howard said he got to meet Artie's latest girl over the weekend. He said he was kissing Artie's ass in front of her to make him look good. He said Artie looked like a bum when he saw him over the weekend though. Robin said that he was the only person who didn't call and ask what the dress code was. Howard said Gary was wearing a T-shirt too and he noticed that he was picking at it the whole time so that was kind of annoying. He told Gary to buy bigger t-shirts if they don't fit. That led to Gary talking about how he was wearing jeans and a sport jacket over the t-shirt.
Artie said that the invitation said it was supposed to be ''elegant casual'' so he had no idea what that meant so he told his date to be elegant and he'd be casual. Artie said his date only made one rookie mistake and that was talking about getting a picture with Howard when she met him. He told her to hold off on that until later though. Howard said she was very hot. Artie said he didn't get laid over the weekend. The relationship is going well although he said it wasn't really a relationship. He also said that she was very into meeting the guys from the show and she was genuinely happy to be there with him.
Howard said Artie's speech must have impressed his date as well. He went into the audio right after that. Artie joked about the size of the portions that they were serving there because they were so small. Artie then talked about his blood sugar levels and joked about that. He also joked about the wine selection and how he'd like to have the same at his intervention. Howard interrupted and said that he couldn't understand much of what he was saying because it was recorded on a video camera without a microphone. Howard wondered if the audience could hear it and took a call from a guy who said it was pretty garbled.
Artie talked about the different things they have on the Mr. Softee truck and how people can see him walking around with chocolate syrup on his shirt during the summer. Mike said that the van might be parked outside their building on Wednesday morning. You can find out more about this free preview at HowardStern.com/free.
Artie told Robin that her parties are always amazing and she does a great job every time. They talked about how Dominic was trying to be funny like Artie was during the party so that's why he got up and started making his speech. Howard said his agent was rolling his eyes while that was going on.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer decided not to come to the party so that was kind of weird. He always complains that he's not invited to stuff and then he decides not to show up to this one as a form of protest. Scott had to work on Friday unlike everyone else so that was his excuse. Scott came in and said he had family stuff to do on Thursday. He said his son was leaving for Europe on Thursday so they wanted to spend time with him instead of going to the party. Howard said he never wants to hear him complain again about not being invited to stuff.
Scott went off on Howard saying that sometimes family stuff is more important than that stuff. Howard told Scott to just stop complaining about not being invited. He told him he's just a jerk. Scott asked what the big deal was if he wasn't there. Howard said it wasn't a big deal but he doesn't want to hear him complain about that stuff anymore. Howard asked Scott what the real reason was for not showing up. Scott said it was the family thing. Howard told Robin not to invite him to anything else anymore. There's no point in inviting him because he fails to show up to stuff.
Gary said that the only two people who said no were Scott and Doug Goodstein. Doug had a real family emergency so he really wasn't able to make it. Howard said that there were other people there who had to work on Friday that went to the party. Scott insisted that wasn't the reason he didn't go.
Howard said that Scott's workload has been reduced since they got there but he's still complaining about the amount of work he does. Gary said that it is a little less because he doesn't have to deal with ''Best Of'' anymore and he doesn't have to deal with the affiliates anymore and stuff like that. Scott said that he works with Jon Hein on stuff and other things like that. Howard kept asking Scott if his workload was reduced or not. Scott just wouldn't say that it was reduced.
Howard told Robin not to invite him to anything else. He took a call from Bobo who said that this guy is a real asshole not to go to that party. Howard said that Scott's son was just going to Europe for the 50th time and they had to spend time with him instead of going to this party. The kid isn't going to war, he's just going to Europe and he'll be back. Howard said Scott is always complaining about being ignored and then he fails to show up to something that he's invited to.
Howard asked Scott how long his son was home. Scott said he was home a couple of months. Howard wondered if they sit there and cry when he is home. He told Scott he could have come to the dinner and gone to dinner with his son at some other time. He went off on Scott about this chip on his shoulder he has and how he thinks that no one gives him any respect.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked Scott what time his son left. Scott said something about a 10 o'clock flight but then Sal said that Scott was telling him that his son was leaving at 5 and he wasn't going to make it to the party which was at 6. Sal said Scott just said he didn't want to go and ''fuck the party.'' He also said something about how Scott was saying that no one else in his family wanted to go to the party so that was why he wasn't going too. Howard let Scott go and Artie noticed that Lisa G was waiting for him outside the studio. They talked about that for a few seconds.
Howard said Sal's speech had nothing to do with the engagement, it was all about his career. Sal said that he was going for something about how great Beth is for Howard but no one believed that's what he was going for. Sal's comments were making it seem like everything he was saying was still all about Howard. He was saying something about how Beth was Howard's gift for entertaining people for the past 30 years. Howard let Sal try to explain what he was going for but the more he talked, the bigger the hole got.
Howard told Sal that his speech giving abilities are muddled and he's befuddled. Sal said that Howard entertains the world and he found someone that entertains him, end of speech. That's what he was going for. He said that Beth is like the gift that he was supposed to get for doing this radio show for everyone. Howard told him he's insane and needs psychotherapy.
Gary asked Sal to say something about Beth without mentioning Howard. He tried to do it but would mention Howard every time. Robin said that Sal stopped Beth and said that she has started to talk like Howard and that's a good thing. Sal tried to explain to Howard what the point of his speech was but he wasn't making a very good case. Fred and Robin were laughing at him as he was talking. Howard told Sal he was a fucking asshole after hearing his explanation. He tried to give Sal some advice on what he should have said. He said that Sal just sits there and sucks his nuts over everything and he didn't have to do that. Sal said he was saving the best for last by keeping her until the end of his speech.
Howard said that Sal is like Luca Brazi from The Godfather with the way he makes speeches. He played a clip from the movie where Luca is reading his speech from a piece of paper and stumbling his way through the speech. He said that they really should listen to Sal's speech because he talks about hearing Lesbian Dial-a-Date for the first time. That's not appropriate for an engagement party. Howard played more of Sal's speech where he talks about the lesbian dial-a-date stuff and everyone is goofing on him.
Artie said that Howard's agent was rolling his eyes when Sal was up there making his speech. Sal said something about how he knew that Howard was revolutionizing radio when he heard him mention the dial-a-date thing. Then everyone in the room started booing him. Sal said that Howard actually did get up and whisper in his ear to mention Beth. He said he was getting there but the guys didn't seem to believe that he was actually going to mention her.
Gary asked Sal what he meant when he was saying that Howard hurts inside. Sal said that they all hurt sometimes. That led to Artie singing a little bit of REM's ''Everybody Hurts'' and asked Sal if he wrote that awful song. Fred found the song and started to play it while Howard was goofing on Sal. Howard told Sal he really needs to see someone because he's really ''off'' and he really needs help. He said Sal's brain should be in a cast like his broken arm is. Sal said he was just trying to say thank-you to Howard and to tell him that Beth was his prize. He kept saying that she was his prize which is why they were all going off on him for being so dopey.
Sal said he was picturing a standing ovation after making the speech but that's not what he got. There were people standing but no ovation. Gary said that he heard that Sal and his wife were doing nothing but bickering there. Sal said he was trying to eat with this broken wrist of his and his wife was goofing on him. He said that Will's fiancé was sitting there with her mouth down to her knees because she was so surprised. Will came in and said that his girlfriend was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. He said they were trying to one-up each other but it got really mean. They were going back and forth and it got really uncomfortable to watch.
Gary said that was one thing with Sal and his wife but then there was Richard whose teeth were stained red from the wine he was drinking. Howard said that he had to talk to Richard when he got there. He was wasted by the time he got there. He talked to Richard and said that he was coming off bad already and the night was young. Robin said she told him that he didn't have to drink so much so fast because the bar was going to be open all night. Howard told him that there will be more alcoholic drinks in the future, he didn't have to drink them all there.
Howard told Richard that he should have a glass of water after the wine but Richard told him he had some already. Artie said that he wondered where these guys were brought up after seeing all of that stuff going on. Robin said that they were supposed to just enjoy themselves and not get sloppy drunk. Howard said Richard gets this look on his face when he's drunk and did an impression of the look he gets. Artie said he looks like a retarded person when he drinks so much.
Richard said the wine was really good and he started out drinking champagne that was also very good. The guys were all laughing and goofing on Richard about all of that. Howard told Richard he needs guidance and really shouldn't drink so much at parties like that. He told Richard that he was a bore there and he should take it easy on the booze. Sal was cracking up and said that he and Richard stood in the front when they all yelled surprise and Howard passed right over them and went to Dominic.
Howard told Richard to take it easy on the booze from now on. Richard said the party ended early so he was glad he drank what he did. He also said he had a good time that night so he thanked everyone for the party. Howard told the two of them to go back to their office and do some work.
Gary said he had one more interesting party story. He said that during the cocktail hour there was a small incident where Artie's girlfriend dropped something in her shirt and Scott DePace's wife had to help get it out of her cleavage. Artie said that she's kind of young and she said some things that he didn't get. He said she was talking about her dress being ''banging'' and he had no idea what she was talking about. He said he felt really old at that point.
Robin and Artie talked about how great Benjy's girlfriend was at the party. She got up and made a speech about the only two people who weren't engaged at the party and how they were the two fat, sweaty slobs that were sitting next to her. They were Benjy and Artie. Artie said that was great. Benjy said she was actually writing stuff for him at the party and he didn't write her those lines.
Howard said the party was great and thanked everyone for that. He said the food was excellent and they had a great time there.
Artie was saying that this guy Cam'ron was asked what he would do if he lived next to a serial killer. The guy says he would just move, he wouldn't report the guy. Howard played some audio from that 60 Minutes interview where Cam'ron was telling Anderson Cooper about how he's been taught not to be a snitch and about that serial killer thing. Artie said that made him laugh out loud when he was watching it.
Howard said he'd like to see the whole 60 Minutes show if anyone has it. He and the guys went on to talk about the guy who shot up the VA Tech school, Seung-Hui Cho. They did a report about that on 60 Minutes last night so they went over that. Howard said the guy has a pretty normal family and it's not clear why he went nuts and ended up killing all of these people. The guy was apparently planning to do that for a long time and no one knew.
Artie said that the kid's family knew something was wrong with the kid but they didn't know what to do about it. They didn't know that he was able to get guns the way he did. Artie said that they were talking about how there are a lot of guns that come through Virginia because their laws are so lax down there. Howard interrupted and said that they had a lot of other things to get to this morning.
Gary told Howard they had one more clip of Sal and his wife bickering from the engagement party. Howard went to that and you hear Sal's wife talking about how if she had to do it again, she'd marry a Jewish man because they help out more in the marriage. She claims that she does it all, and more, for Sal. Sal was going to try and defend himself but he stopped himself from going off on her. Then his wife called him a chicken. Sal asked her when the last time was that she blew him. She asked him when he last took a bath. Sal said he takes a bath every day. Howard gave that a ''wow!'' after hearing it. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was upset she didn't get to go to the engagement party last week. She said she would have liked to have been there. Robin said that the room was only so big though. Howard said Lisa was saying ''What's four more people?'' but she didn't get that the room was already full. Howard said he would have loved for thousands of people to have been there but they just can't do it. Robin told Lisa that she was already over with her invitations and she was hoping that some people would say no. She said that every time she does one of these parties she has the same problem.
Robin said that she would have liked to have invited the whole news department but she just couldn't do it. Lisa said that she now knows where the line is drawn and it's at the news director and the rest of them were all just scum. Robin sighed and said that she can't win no matter what she does. Howard told Lisa that Robin is the one person who actually gets these parties done and can put something like that together. everyone else will say that they're going to have a party but they don't get it done. Robin does. He told Robin that it's a role in his life that he really likes.
Howard said that the worst part of what Robin does is that she has to draw those lines. Robin said that she has invited Lisa to some events. Lisa said that she is invited to some things but she's obviously not the ''every thing'' person. Howard also brought up the fact that Robin didn't get his voice mail. He thanked Robin again for the whole party.
Robin said that she was told she could only have so many people at the party and she had to cut it off at about 50-60. She said the room was going to get tight at 60 and she had the invite list at 57 and 3 people didn't show up. Lisa said that she was thinking of crashing the party that night. Lisa was at a music class because she plays the violin. Robin told her if she knew that she would have had her there as entertainment. She said that she would have them to her recital but not play it on the show because she's too shy with it.
Howard told Lisa that if she started dating JD, maybe she'd be invited to those events. Artie said that he feels bad and maybe he'd bring her if he knew that she wasn't invited. Lisa got back to the news preview and ran down a couple more stories that they'll be covering today. One of them is this ''Superficial Friends Vs. Howard Stern'' cartoon that's on the web. She also said that George Takei is returning to Heroes for the rest of this season and will be back in Season 2.
Howard also read that Opie and Anthony were thrown off in Dallas because that was another market they were in that they had a 0.0 rating in. Howard said that they had zero ratings in Dallas and Las Vegas. He thought it was in Chicago but it was actually Vegas.
Howard said there was some other good news in the article he was reading. Don Imus' producer Bernard McGuirk was fired over the weekend. He said he doesn't like it when someone loses their job. He said that he's been put in the position of stopping people from getting work and he doesn't like to do that. He said that XM came to him one time and asked him if they should hire them or not. He said he would never stop anyone from being hired anywhere but he is glad that Bernard McGuirk has been fired. He played a bit last week that Bernard was part of where he said that Beth had herpes and stuff like that. He said that caused Beth a lot of pain so he's glad that he's done and he hopes that he can't find any work. He said if he did come there and they offered the guy a job at SIRIUS, he'd probably have to let them hire him. He said that he's a bigger man than Bernard is and he wouldn't actually stop the guy from working.
Robin told Howard about how Clear Channel was experimenting with ''commercial free'' radio but they're actually incorporating their ads into their jock's discussions. Howard said that will never work because it will become part of the jock's discussions and it's going to come across as lame. They're going to try and be subtle and it's just not going to work. Artie said that they're going to have to script the shows. They spent a short time on that before Howard decided to move on.
Howard said that even with all of the crap that's been going on between Alec and Kim Basinger, you can't go off on your daughter the way Alec did. Robin said that Alec's ego has gotten in the way because he goes off on her about how she's humiliated him. Howard played the audio and stayed quiet through most of it.
Howard and the guys talked about Alec going off on his kids and how wrong it was. Howard said he feels bad for this kid because she must be completely crazed. She's stuck between these two people who come across as being kind of nuts. Robin said she's heard that the kid has been jerked around from the day she was born. Artie said he heard a story about Alec and Kim arguing on the set of Saturday Night Live one time and it was the loudest, meanest argument anyone there had ever heard.
Howard wanted to do a read of the transcript of that call to see who could do the best read. He got on his megaphone and did his impression of Alec making that call. He read through the whole transcript but he didn't come across as angry as Alec did. Artie gave Alec a ''Wah!'' after hearing Howard impression. Howard told Artie to work on his impression and study that transcript. Artie said that Alec is a master of diction too and you can tell that when you hear him going off on his kid.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Alec and Kim have a deal where they have to be watched when they have custody of the kid. He told them about how the little girl has to deal with it all. Robin said that Alec has played right into what Kim wanted. The guys talked about some of the comments that Alec made in that phone call.
Howard said he would never say anything to his kid like what Alec was saying. He said saying it in a voice mail is the worst thing to do too. Dominic said that this kid is going to have a hard time getting comfortable with her father after the mother probably goes off on him the whole time he's not there. Gary said that it seems like Alec is so obsessed with this that he wants to write a book about what he's going through while his career is taking off again. He said that's just how obsessed he is with the whole thing.
Howard said that you just can't go this route with your kid. He said that he shouldn't be writing a book either. He said this is great for radio though.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Gary and Jason were talking about Artie and how odd his behavior was. Jason was saying that Artie did seem to be a bit out of it when he came back and he wasn't quite there.
Artie said that when Howard and Fred do that stuff, it's funny. When the guys on the Wrap Up show do it, it becomes serious and unfunny. He said that he doesn't need people doing that stuff because he's got stuff going on in his career that could get screwed up if people think he's on drugs. Howard played another clip where Sal was giving his theory on the whole thing. Sal was calling Howard an enabler for pushing for Artie to eat the crap he eats because he goofs on him during the show. The guys talked about how Artie is one of those guys who can eat in front of other people and doesn't have a problem doing it.
Artie said that when those guys talk about that stuff, it gets back to his mother and it worries her because she thinks that he's back on drugs. Artie said he's fucked up a lot of stuff in his life doing drugs and right now he's not on drugs. Jason said he thinks that Artie could be lying now but did apologize to his mother for upsetting her.
Howard said that Artie loads up with carbs during the show and he thinks that he just crashed toward the end of it so that's why he's been passing out lately. Artie said that he really isn't on drugs and Howard believes him. Artie said that he is close to 300 pounds and that's why he came close to passing out last week when he went down to the Cafe Metro to get his food. Jason said that there are plenty of 300 pound guys who don't pass out like that though.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Alec Baldwin thing again. That got Howard on that subject again and talking about how you just can't do that to your kid. The caller was saying that they seem to be forgetting the background for the call. Howard said that this is different, the kid shouldn't be treated the way Alec did. Artie said that Alec said stuff to the kid that no one should ever say to a kid. The caller told Artie he's one to talk because his father once told him that he swung a baseball bat like a cunt. Artie said that's because he did though.
Howard talked more about Alec and said that the guy seems like a bright guy but he's acting like a 5 year old in that voice mail to his kid. Robin said that the kid just missed a phone call and he's going off on her like that. Howard said it makes you wonder why it matters so much to the guy. He said that he hopes that Alec comes back on the show sometime. Artie said that he had to take one of his Subutex pills after telling Jason that he wasn't on drugs. He said he has to take it when he feels that he's going into a high risk thing. He said when he's angry he tends to say fuck it and he'd be afraid that he might go there and take it.
The caller told Artie that he's really got to lose some weight because he's getting more and more disturbing looking. Howard said his parents actually sat him down and did an intervention with him when he was fat. He said he was married and maybe around the age of 30 when they came to him and told him he really needed to lose the weight. He said he shit his pants when they did that to him. He said maybe he should have his parents talk to Artie. Artie said his mother has done that to him but that hasn't worked.
Gary said that the Alec Baldwin audio didn't come out right on some radios so Howard might want to replay it for people who didn't hear it the right way. Howard said he had to take a break first and he's got other things to get to today. He took another phone call and ended up talking more about Alec and his treatment of his daughter. The caller thinks that's just the way parents talk to their kids but Howard said that's not true. Not every parents treats their kid that way. He said he would just have a discussion with his daughter if he was in a situation like that. He said he likes the Baldwins but this was a major faux paux on Alec's part and he can't side with him. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said he had a clip of Hillary saying this great line in one of her movies. He said he couldn't remember the name of the movie. He played the clip where she says that she wants the guy to ''stick that cock in my shit locker.'' She said she didn't come up with the shit locker term abut she was thinking it at the time they shot that scene. She said she really loves anal and loves doing in her movies. Howard said she has worked pretty hard in her career because she did some hard core stuff when she was starting out.
Howard asked Hillary about blowing 30 guys for one movie she did. He wondered if she goes home after that and thinks that she's got a weird life. Hillary said that day was kind of a weird scene and she didn't really get off on it that day. Howard asked her if the guy's looks matter to her. She said that if they can keep their cocks hard, that's what matters to her. She's not seeing anyone right now.
Artie asked Hillary to look at him and tell him if she'd let him put anything in her shit locker. She said she'd have to get to know him before she could say. Howard asked her about how she can have an ''assgasm'' when she gets it anally and it's actually better than a regular orgasm. Robin asked Hillary how she got involved in this industry so she gave a quick history of how she was stuck in a bank job and found someone who was in the business who helped her get started.
Howard asked Hillary when she came into the city and if she has had any sex since she got there. She said that she did have sex with a friend since she got there. She said she went over to this guy's place and she banged him silly. He's a financial advisor and she thinks that he's in his late 30s but she wasn't sure. Howard read that she has this gang rape fantasy so he asked her about that. He had her give all of the details. She said that she's thought about guys taking her into a warehouse and blindfolding her. They then strap her in and the guys have their way with her. She said it would involve at least 5 guys. She said she's like to be tied down so she can't move her arms or legs.
Howard asked her if the guys would be calling her names while that's going on. Artie started to go into his Alec Baldwin impression and read from the transcript from his phone call. Howard gave Hillary a plug for the web site SexZ.com where you can find all of her movies. He got right back to the anal discussion. Artie asked if she would let him put his cock in her mouth after he had it up her ass. She said she might do that as long as it's clean.
Howard asked Hillary about what she wants to do with her career. She said something about being interested in acting and Artie gave a bit of a chuckle but had to pretend that he hadn't when Hillary asked if he was laughing. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy asked Hillary to talk dirty to him. Howard asked her to talk about the first time she had sex with a girl. She said that she was very young when that happened. She said that she hadn't gone through puberty and it was with her step-sister. Howard wasn't sure how hot that was and didn't know if he should keep going. Hillary said that it was just an experimental thing.
Howard read that Hillary was with some girl one time who burned her name into her chest because Hillary was so good in bed. Hillary said that she knew this girl in school and they hung out in the girl's brother's room and got it on in there. She said the other girl would always check her out when she was changing clothes and stuff so she knew something was up. She said they were just hanging out on the bed and their bodies kept getting closer and closer and then the other girl started caressing her back. She said they started kissing a little bit. They had been friends for a while and they had never discussed that stuff before. She said that the girl's hand eventually moved around to her tit and she started caressing her breast. Then Hillary started doing the same to her so they stripped down. She said that the sex wasn't all that great, it was just average. She said it was just fingers the first time.
Howard asked Hillary if she would talk dirty to the guy on the phone. She said she would but couldn't hear him so they had to turn up her volume. The caller told Hillary that he'd like to fuck her nice and deep in her ass and tried to get something going there. Hillary played along and talked dirty to him as Fred was playing some sound effects in the background. The caller was saying that he wanted to bang his balls into her clit so Howard had to interrupt and ask how he's going to do that. Howard had them get back to it after thinking about that for a few seconds. Hillary and the caller got very graphic but Artie seemed to be into it. The caller said he was trying to do himself but he said it was kind of tough being on the phone and all.
The caller said he was pretty much done at that point and past the moment. He didn't get off though. Howard and Artie talked about some of the lines that Hillary had used and one of them was about licking the ass juices off of him. Howard said that could be a song and started singing along to some Led Zeppelin songs. Howard said he's going to go on that SexZ.com web site and check her out.
Richard Christy came in and said that Hillary is really hot but he's actually had to turn some of her movies off because they're too hard core for him. He said there was one where she was doing Bukkake and she had so much on her that it looked like she ran through an ice cream store. She actually wiped her face like a squeegee and wiped it into her mouth. Howard said he was about to gag just thinking about that. He's not a fan of seeing guys come like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to get this chick on the Sybian. Hillary said that she had ridden it before. She wanted to make sure the Sybian was clean so Howard let her know that they put on a new attachment every time they have someone ride. Gary came in and asked Hillary if she's ever had a woman have an accident on her before. She said that it wasn't on her, but it was near her. She said that this woman was getting it in the ass and when the guy pulled out, she had some poopie juice come out. She said it was the brown, smelly kind, not the good kind. Howard asked Hillary what she says to another woman if she finds them to be smelly. She'll ask them to go douche again if she does that.
Howard asked Hillary to ride the Sybian. She agreed and went over to it and took her top off. Howard asked her to remove her panties too so she did that after they told her that the Sybian was clean. Howard asked her how much she weighs. She said she weighs about 98 pounds and is 5'3'' tall. Richard said that she once took a 13 incher from this guy Mandingo. She said that she didn't take it in the ass but she did take him vaginally. The guy couldn't get it all in there but she took about half of it. She said it's pretty amazing how the asshole stretches but she didn't take him up there.
Gary said that this chick was so hot that he was going to put on the mask without being asked to do it. He didn't want to ruin this for the guys who were going to be watching on Howard TV. Howard told Hillary why he was doing that and how he was hiding from the people so they don't get distracted by him. Howard said Gary was wearing a welding mask and was looking kind of Darth Vader-ish. He had Hillary get on the Sybian after that and she instructed Gary to start it out slow and build it up. Gary turned it on but it didn't start. Uh oh! The guys didn't test it before the show and they weren't sure what was wrong with it. Gary said that the problem is that the Sybian isn't getting electricity... Then all of a sudden they had it fixed.
Howard had Hillary start out at about 20 percent they ramped it up a bit and then kept it going until Hillary got off. She said it was pretty intense. Hillary was petting her area after she got off and said she does that when she gets off because it is out there.
Howard asked Hillary if she's ever had any famous guys. She said she's really not into that stuff. She doesn't go out to Hollywood parties and stuff like that. Artie asked her if she wanted to be with a D-level celebrity. Howard tried to hook Artie up with her but it didn't seem to be working.
Richard told Howard that Hillary can shove her own fist up her ass so the guys talked to her about that. Hillary said her hand is pretty small and said that she's had cocks up there that are bigger. Howard asked her if she ever sticks a pinkie up a guy's ass. She said that she doesn't usually do that because boy butts aren't usually as clean as a girl's ass is. Artie asked her if he would have a chance with her on the first date if he were to go out with her. She said she probably would because she would want to find out if he had a dick that was too small right away. She said that she wants to know if the guy has a two inch dick before she'll waste any more time with him.
Gary asked Hillary if she would go out with him if he offered her five grand right then. She said that she doesn't usually do that kind of thing and she'd want to have sex with the guy before she'd agree to it. Artie said that he'd give her 10 g's to have sex with her. Howard asked her if she'd do that with him. Hillary said that she didn't like the way Artie was talking to her earlier. She said that he was being condescending to her. Artie said that wasn't possible, he's never spoken to anyone in a condescending way. She said that he was also laughing at her when she said that she was going to school. Artie said he wasn't laughing at that, he was laughing at something in Page 6 in the newspaper. Hillary then called him a liar so Artie offered her 20 G's to sleep with him.
Hillary told Artie she thinks that she could make him enjoy taking anal. Artie said she must be out of her mind because he'd never do that. Artie bumped up his offer to 30 grand and his car for the weekend. She was still turning him down. Howard wrapped up with Hillary and told Artie that he might want to lose weight now. Hillary said it wasn't his weight, it was because he was being kind of a jackass. Artie raised his offer to 40 grand. She was still turning him down.
Hillary said that she really doesn't need the money and won't do anything that she doesn't want to do. That's why she turns down the escort money. Artie offered her 50 grand but she was still not going for it and told him that if he had been nice, she'd consider it. Richard asked her if she liked anyone in the room but Howard told him not to put her on the spot. He wrapped up with Hillary and gave her another plug for her web site and for ClubHillaryScott.com. As he was going to break Artie threw out a 60 grand and then a 75 grand offer.
Howard mentioned that there was an article out about how a study recently found that satellite radio users are using satellite to supplement their listening of terrestrial radio and that just debunks another argument that the terrestrial radio people have.
Howard started to replay the Alec Baldwin clip that he played earlier but had second thoughts about it because it was horrible to the kid. He feels so bad for the kid that he wasn't sure he wanted to play it again. He said he'd have to think about it for a while.
Howard mentioned that Toby Maguire is going to stop by soon. Stone Cold Steve Austin is going to be coming in as well. That led to him talking about this movie ''The Condemned'' and how much he liked it. He said that Steve is in that movie and he really enjoyed it. He didn't think that Robin would like it though.
Howard moved on to the Battle of the Blobs contest which is sponsored by Cylaris weight loss . Scott the Engineer had thrown out his breakfast because he didn't want to get weighed in after eating. Scott said he wanted to show people they had something to fear from him. Gary said that Jason was also holding off on eating today because of that.
Howard had Tim Sabean go first. Tim got on the scale and came in at 258 pounds. He was down by 2 pounds from last week. Jason was next. He came in at 230 pounds, another six pounds down. Brian Phelan was next and came in at 219 pounds. Scott the Engineer was looking thin to Howard. He only lost a pound last week but he was looking thinner. Howard said he was at 227 this week.
Howard said Benjy was looking fatter this week. He looked like he had something around his waist. He came in at 236 pounds which was only a 2 pound loss. Howard told him he's only got 2 more weeks left to lose. Gary said that Jason is in the lead and Brian Phelan is next while Benjy is in third place. Benjy said they're all winners if they lose weight. Jason thinks that Benjy might be putting on some weight until the final weigh in. Howard thinks that whatever he's doing isn't working. He still looks fat. Howard thinks that Benjy has lost his will to win. Here's how the contest has gone so far...
Howard asked Artie what he talked to him about. Artie said he told him about what he's gone through with his bouts of depression and he hopes that it helps him out. He said it's like therapy for him to talk about that stuff with people. He said you think that you're the only person in the world with those problems and he knows that it helps to talk to people about it.
Artie was saying that he was helped out a lot when he heard about some of the other people who went through these depressions and got through them. There were others like Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson who didn't make it through their depressions.
Ralph called in and said he wanted to hear more about this Alec Baldwin thing because it sounded great. Howard told him to go listen to the replay. Ralph wasn't awake for it so Howard told him to just listen to the replay. Howard asked Robin if she wanted him to play it again. Robin said they should play it because it is news. Howard said he would but he found it to be very disturbing to him. He played through the whole thing abut didn't want to get back into the discussion about why it was so wrong. He said it appears that Alec has reversed roles with his daughter and he's become the child in that relationship. He put the word out to Alec that he thinks he should get some help. He said that he really likes Alec but he thinks the guy needs help. He also thinks that Kim is partially at fault because she actually released the audio to the press. They're both contributing to a child's nightmare.
Artie said he was listening to the Superfan Roundtable last week and Mutt asked if it was too soon for Sal and Richard to use the VA Tech killer audio clips in prank calls. Howard said that guy was too fucked up to use in calls like that. The guys on the show were saying that they should use the clips but Howard said they won't be using those clips... but they will be using the Alec Baldwin voice mail clips to make prank calls with.
Howard let Ralph go and said there was a piece of tape from the Wrap Up Show where Gary talks about how he feels responsible for Artie. In the clip Jon Hein asks if anyone feels responsible for Artie if something were to happen to him. Gary said he really would feel responsible. JD said he wouldn't feel it at all because he doesn't talk to the guy that much. Howard said that Gary calls him pretty often and they do talk about Artie and what they can do to help him.
Artie said that if he could lose the weight somehow, everything in his life would be a million times better. That makes him depressed. Robin asked him if he can go somewhere that would help him get to where he needs to be. Artie said he's not getting to the point where he needs to go away. He told a story about the day he spoke to the people from his movie company about how he was addicted to heroin. He said he had to lock himself away in his apartment to get off the stuff so that's what he did. Robin wondered why he has to hit rock bottom before he does something about it. She thinks that he should be in some kind of work release program where they lock him up after work. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Gary and Robin talked about statistics and what kind of people they might have working with them. They figured they have at least one person there who has herpes and hasn't told anyone. There's probably also a homosexual working there who hasn't come out of the closet.
Steve Langford came in with his Howard 100 News preview. He said that High Pitch Mike just got back from Regis and Kelly where he asked Sanjaya if he had anything to say to Howard Stern fans. Sanjaya just rolled his eyes. Steve said they're also going to be interviewing some people who create bogus pages on Myspace for Artie, Howard, Beth and Robin. They have 10s of thousands of people who sign up as their friends but they don't tell people that they're phonies.
Steve mentioned a few other stories about the stuff they had coming up on the news and also mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons has his show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard said that should be great and he's looking forward to that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard asked Jon about what he thinks about the controversy about his show and the trouble it's been causing between Jason and Artie. Jon said they'll be talking about that. They'll also talk about Howard's Engagement party and all of the stuff that went on around that. They'll also be talking about Hillary Scott's appearance today. Howard had Robin get right to her news after that.
Howard played a John the Stutterer voice mail where he was trying to talk about something that Howard had said earlier in the show. He didn't make it through the whole thing and said he just couldn't take it anymore. He then asked Robin if she had ''anything else'' to talk about. She hadn't even begun her news yet. He said he was woozy today and didn't know what was going on.
After Robin's news Artie said that his episode of Entourage is on this Sunday night on HBO. Howard wrapped up the show after that, it was around 11:25am.
Howard started off the show not knowing what day it was. He said he had a few odds and ends he wanted to get to first thing. He said he should be yelling at Robin today. He said he called into Bubba's show yesterday to wish him a happy birthday and then Robin called in and told him to get off because he was being boring. He said that he and Bubba were talking about a bunch of things and then Robin called in and complained about it. Robin said he was talking about some stuff that was kind of boring so Howard tried to explain himself. Howard started to go into some of the stuff he was talking about but Robin complained that he was getting into it again.
Howard said when he was first working in the business he never thought about going out to have fun, he would just wait for the next show to start instead of going out and having fun. He said Bubba and the guys were asking him about that and he was talking about it in a serious manner. Robin said they never got to talk because Howard was talking so much. Howard said he was just talking about his life. Artie said he feels bad for Howard because he was so into his work that he never had a life.
Howard talked about those days working at WWWW in Detroit and how awful it was sitting in his hotel room waiting for the next show to roll around. He also told a story about how he was living in a monastery when he was first starting out in the business. He got into that story but Robin kept interrupting and talking about what Bubba would ask about. Howard said when he was taking those jobs he would take the shitiest ones because he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get a job anywhere else.
Robin said that Howard was also talking about Artie on Bubba's show. She said Howard was talking to Bubba about his weight and how he was able to get it under control and Artie should be able to do that some day. Howard asked Bubba if he had some addictions like Artie does and if he had to go through similar things that Artie does. Robin kept interrupting and goofing on Howard about the conversations he was having.
Robin said Howard was going through this stuff very fast but on Bubba's show Howard was dragging it out way too long. Howard said she could have turned the channel if she didn't like it. She continued to laugh and goof on him though. Howard thinks that Robin was doing that because she couldn't stand to hear him working with someone else and talking to them.
Howard had a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal talked about something that went on at the engagement party last week. In the clip Jon Hein was asking Sal about his wife and the things he was saying to Howard about having Beth as a ''prize'' when he was making his speech to him at the party. Gary was telling Sal that he should just treat Howard like a friend instead of the way he does.
Howard said he and Bubba started gabbing and things were going good so he stayed on. Robin said Howard's call got to the point of ''Wah!'' because he was complaining about stuff. Fred asked if Howard was being led down a path or if he was just talking. Howard said the guys were asking him questions so that's where it went. Robin said that Howard seems to be much happier now and hearing that old stuff was just boring.
Howard said Robin got on Bubba's show and let out a bombshell of a revelation. She actually broke up with Mr. X and that was the big deal. She decided to spill her guts on Bubba's show instead of on this show. Howard seemed a little upset that she did that. Artie said he's kind of upset about that because he was a great guy and he loved hanging out with him. Howard said that Robin just broke the news on the air and it was something else for her to complain about him being so boring and then to turn it around and break news like that.
Robin said that Howard bailed on her as soon as she called into Bubba's show. She said he just launched himself out of there as soon as she called in. Howard said it was like a tag team, he handed it off to her when she called in so he could go eat. Howard said Beth left him some turkey meatballs to head up so that's what he was thinking about doing.
Howard took a call from a guy who saw Beth out in Chicago last night. He said he was at a Billy Joel concert and saw her there hanging out with the guy from The Apprentice and his friends. Howard said Beth's brother lives out there and Beth is friends with Billy's wife so she got tickets to go to the show. Howard said that Beth actually flew out there with Billy's wife on their private jet. Howard said that she went out there with Katie and Billy and she's going to spend a few days with her brother. Artie said he saw a Billy Joel concert and it was great. Howard said Billy's voice is better than ever and if you close your eyes, you wouldn't know that he's aged.
The caller told Howard that Beth was looking really good last night but she wasn't showing her titties or anything. The guy was also saying he saw the rock on her finger and was impressed by that.
Howard said he was watching The Sopranos and eating last night when Robin called him after doing Bubba's show. He said she's the only one he would interrupt all of that for. He said he was really enjoying the food and The Sopranos and was just about in heaven at that point. Then Robin called and he had to interrupt. While he was talking about that he said that he had to jerk off since Beth was away. He said he told Beth the other day that he wasn't watching porn lately but now that Beth isn't around, he had to pull some out and watch it. He was actually feeling bad for the porn chicks recently but as soon as Beth went away, he didn't feel so bad. Robin said that's like her with that movie ''Blood Diamond.'' She said she felt bad while she was watching it but as soon as the movie was over, she ran out and bought some more diamonds.
Robin talked about how her break-up with Mr. X came about and how they didn't break it all off immediately. They were going to take some time off because they had been together for so long. Artie wanted to know more because he reveals so much on the show himself. He talks about his relationships and about his heroin use among other things.
Robin said that she has been thinking about what she will do now but she's not feeling the need to fall into someone's arms. Howard said he had heard from people that Mr. X hadn't been around but he assumed that Robin would tell him if that was true. Someone told him that the race car driving might have had something to do with Robin's death wish after breaking up with Mr. X. He said it was a serious conversation and they wanted him to have an intervention with her about the racing.
Howard said that he did talk to Robin about the race car driving thing because he did feel bad about it. He wondered what kind of goals Robin and Mr. X were looking for because she had said something about that while talking about the breakup. Robin said she's very active and wants to go out and do stuff while Mr. X isn't like that and just wants to stay home. Howard said that's his kind of guy.
Howard said when Robin called him last night he talked to her about the racing and how it might have something to do with the breakup. Robin said she hadn't talked to anyone about it and no one knew what she was going through. Howard was still upset that Robin told Bubba about the breakup before she told him. Robin said that Howard abandoned ship when she called into that show so that's why he didn't get to hear the story. She told him that if he hadn't hung up so quickly, he would have been part of that conversation.
Robin said that she was planning to tell Howard on the show but when Bubba asked her about her sleeping with Mr. X, she decided that it was time to reveal the break up. King of All Blacks called in and said that he knew this for the longest time and just kept it inside. He doesn't think it had anything to do with the racing but the guy was jealous of Robin for the longest time. He said that he must have been bored with his own life and wanted her to be bored with him. Howard said he doesn't know Mr. X and that's not what it was about.
King changed subjects and talked about the story in the paper yesterday about the finances that he made for K-Rock when he was there. Howard bailed out of that conversation and got him off the phone saying he was going nowhere with that.
Howard said that Robin hasn't been intimate with a man in a long time now. She said she can't remember when the last time was but it was over a year. She said that they were kind of breaking it off back then. Howard said he thinks that Robin will move now that she's not dating Mr. X. She said she has been thinking about that for a couple of years now. Howard said that Robin had a great apartment in the city before she moved out to Staten Island.
Artie talked about his breakup with Dana and how he went 4 months without having sex and when they kind of got back together he banged her but then didn't have sex with another woman until this past November. He said it was a long dry spell between that.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said he's like to throw his hat into the ring to try and bang Robin. Robin said it's going to be a while before she gets back into a relationship. Robin said that she loves Bob's comedy but didn't say anything about being attracted to him. Howard said Bob was the first one to throw the hat into the ring but Robin said that Bubba and his guys were saying that they'd like to do her. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Mr. X is with another woman. She said she wouldn't care even if he was. She said that she'd even set him up on a date but then gave him a little dig when she asked Howard if he knew of anyone he wanted to torture.
Howard said he likes Mr. X very much but there was one time when Robin took them all out to dinner and Mr. X was complaining the whole time about how he didn't want to be there. He complained about being there, the small portions and stuff like that. Howard said he felt bad for Robin and it must have been irking her the whole time. He said that when you do stuff like that you do it for the love of the other person and don't complain about it.
Robin said when they went to Tampa, they all had a great time. She said that she and Mr. X went out to dinner with Tom Chiusano and his wife after that and they were having a conversation about that trip and Robin knew that he wouldn't have enjoyed it. She said that he doesn't like to do the same things that she does. She said he likes to sit around and talk about sports, listen to jazz and smoke his pipe. Artie said that sounded good to him and asked Robin for his phone number.
Artie talked about the one time that they went out to dinner and Mr. X poured water on Stuttering John because he was farting at the table. There was also a picture that they took where Mr. X had snuck a knife up to Robin's throat without anyone noticing until after they saw the picture.
Robin thinks that they should keep making Sanjaya famous as long as they can. Howard said there's not much else they can do with him at this point. They can't make an album with him because no one will buy it. Artie said he would probably pitch a reality show about his life or something. Howard said that Sanjaya even says that he's not a musician, he's an entertainer. He played a clip of him talking about how he wants to do some modeling and acting and not just singing. He wants to explore the whole entertainment business. Artie thinks that he's going to end up exploring the whole deli business.
The guys talked about this week's episode of The Sopranos for a few seconds. They went over it real quick and then got back to talking about Sanjaya and how they should have a reality show based on his life.
Howard said that Eric leads you to believe he has nothing going on in his life. His voice mail messages prove that he doesn't have anything going on. He left a long message about why he won't bang the porn stars they offer him. He played the message and Eric explains why he doesn't go for Tabitha or any of the other chicks. He said they're not ''the right ones'' and he's looking for Brandy DDD or Busty Bree or other chicks like that. Howard cut the message off and said that the chicks he's talking about have tits that are bigger than Eric.
Howard said that Eric must be downloading and watching tons of porn. Eric said he doesn't buy any porn, he does have subscriptions to a few web sites like the ones he mentioned. Howard asked Eric about the money he's spending on those web sites and Eric said that he does go on there a couple times a week to look at Brandy DDD and those chicks. He said that Brandy, unlike Tabitha, is totally natural and she still has that girl-next-door look that Tabitha doesn't.
Howard asked Eric if he whacks it in front of the computer or if he goes somewhere else. Eric said he goes somewhere else so he doesn't make a mess. Howard asked him where he goes that he doesn't make a mess. Eric said he goes to his bed. Artie said that his PJ pants must be crusty. Howard asked Eric why he goes somewhere else to make a mess instead of making the mess in front of the computer. He figured there had to be a better way to do it than that. Eric has a room mate too so he has to think about that.
Howard asked Eric if he beats off into a bunch of tissues or something. Eric bailed out and hung up on Howard while he was asking about that stuff. He said that was very rude and he wasn't being out of line with that questioning. Howard had Eric back on the line a few seconds later. He thought that he had offended Eric or something. Eric claimed that his phone signal had gone dead or something.
Howard saw a picture of this Brandy XXX and said her boobs were huge. Eric is turned on by that look. JD came in and said that she was no less of a whore than Tabitha Stevens was. Howard told him Eric liked her look better, that's all.
Howard asked Eric more about how he jerks off. He found out that Eric lays on his stomach when he does it. He said that he rubs up against his bed when he does that. Howard said he knows another guy who does that and it's kind of weird to him. Eric said he kind of uses a pillow as a girl and rubs into it. Eric said he blows his load into his boxers. Fred was goofing on him saying that it must be a mix of urine and semen in his underwear since he has talked about wetting his bed. Howard said he doesn't understand this at all because he's never rubbed in the bed like that.
Howard told Gary to hook Eric up with some of the porn that they get there. He was still thinking about Eric's underwear and what he does with it. Eric said he lets it dry overnight instead of cleaning it up. Howard said it must be hard to fall asleep when he does that. Eric said it's not all that wet and it doesn't get stuck to his pubes or anything. Howard said that he must have some crust in his underwear and someone has to see it and question him about it.
Howard told Eric that he watched some porn last night since Beth was away. He turned on this awful Troma porn movie from a long time ago and he ended up turning that off and putting in a Savanna Samson porno where she's with a dude and a chick. It was one of her first pornos and he said she looked really hot in it. He said he wasn't able to hold off from blowing his load because she was so hot.
Richard Christy came in with a pile of porn for Eric. He read off the titles and asked Eric if he wanted them. Eric wasn't sure about some of them but he said ''I guess so'' to a few of the titles so Richard put them aside so they could mail them to him. He was interested in seeing some cum filled young chicks, some black and white chick movies and some other various things.
Howard asked Eric what he would do to that DDD chick. Eric said ''Whatever I could...'' to that question. Richard said they also have some movies with extra hairy chicks but Eric wasn't interested in that. Howard was going to let him go but Eric was saying that people report about the crap he does on the show on Wikipedia so that's another reason he doesn't want to do anything with Tabitha. He said he doesn't need that stuff showing up there. Artie had no idea what he was talking about and said it must be some kind of ''nerd speak.''
Howard asked Gary where the clips were of Eric leaving messages for them. He found out where they were after a Baba Booey song parody. Howard played the clips where Eric told them that he never voted for Sanjaya and he had fooled them when he said he was going to. Howard said Eric is so caught up in that crap. Eric was telling them why the votes weren't there for Sanjaya last week. Artie told Eric he sounded like the biggest fuckin' geek in those clips. Eric had disappeared again so Howard bailed out on it.
Gary told Artie that he got a copy of his movie and thought it was very funny. Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard asked for the prank call so he could play it. While he was waiting he played a couple of Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard played the Gary the Retard prank call where Richard calls him and tells him he has Robin on the phone. Then Richard plays some audio clips of Robin getting off and has Gary fooled into thinking that he's having phone sex with her. Howard said Gary might be better at phone sex than he is.
After the prank call Howard did a female voice and had Gary thinking that he was talking to Robin again. Gary wasn't fooled, he knew it wasn't Robin. Howard hung up on him and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had to credit TMZ.com for giving them the Alec Baldwin voice mail that they played yesterday. He said that Alec and Kim Basinger are both wrong in this case and the kid is the victim in that whole thing. He went on to read some e-mail he got about that clip. One guy went off on him because he claims to be Alec's friend and he shouldn't have played it on the air and then go on to say he's a bad parent for over an hour. Howard said his kids tell him that he's a shitty partner himself so he knows he's not all that great. Howard still thinks that Alec needs therapy after hearing that call.
Some e-mailers were complaining about the way Howard was pronouncing Basinger so Howard gave them a big ''fuck you.'' He also read that Kim is claiming that she didn't leak the phone calls to the press. Howard said she's also in trouble for not letting Alec visit his daughter so she's just as much of a nut as Alec is. He read through some more e-mails where people complained about Howard's treatment of Alec.
Howard said that the guys in the back made some prank calls using Alec's voice mail. Sal calls a towing service and has Alec yelling at them for not picking him up. Of course the garage has no idea who the guy is or what he's talking about. They hang up on him a few times before they stopped calling.
Howard said the songs were already coming in about Robin and Mr. X breaking up. He played one song where Mr. X was singing ''All By Myself.'' It was Sal singing with some effects on his voice to make him sound kind of like Barry White. He was really going off on Robin in that song calling her a bitch and saying he hopes she goes jogging and shits her pants.
Howard said that Andy Dick is going to be roasted soon and Andy responded to that on his Shit Show recently. Howard played a clip from that where Andy said the only reason he agreed to do it is because he gets the last word in the roast and he's going to take them all down. He said he can't wait for that.
Howard said that Zach Braff was on The Tonight Show this week and mentioned his name but Jay moved right past it. Zach said he's a huge Howard Stern Fan and was hoping that Sanjaya was going to stay on American Idol.
Lisa said that Ronnie the Limo Driver is going to be driving the Howard TV van down to Philly on Friday. The van will be in the city tomorrow for the Free Online Preview that's going on this week. Howard said they're going to have a bunch of video clips in this van that has been made up to look like a peep show. You can find out more about that at HowardStern.com/free.
Lisa said that Will and Jason have a new Page 69 report about Steve the Intern who was at the engagement party last week and ended up drinking too much. Steve came in and said that he's not used to wine so he ended up puking. He told the story about what had happened and how he had puked in one of the offices there and didn't tell the guy whose office it was. Howard said that was enough of that and sent Steve out of there. Lisa wrapped up her news preview after that.
Howard said that he's gotten some e-mail about Lisa and how people find her annoying. He read through some of that. Some people complained about her complaining about not being invited to the engagement party last week. The fans don't want to be bothered with her complaining about that stuff. Howard said he had a lot of other stuff to get to so he moved on after that.
Howard read that bees are being thrown off by cell phone signals and that could be the cause of the bees disappearing. Howard and Robin talked about that and a little bit about global warming which led to Scott DePace coming in to talk about that. Howard only spent a short time with him before kicking him out of the studio. He told Scott that he couldn't debate this stuff with him. Fred kept playing a bunch of Dice Clay ''Bald fuck'' clips while Scott was in there. Howard wondered who Scott is to be giving those opinions on global warming.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can do the whole Alec Baldwin phone call and could recite it. Howard asked Artie if he could remember it if he gave him the transcript. Artie said he might be able to learn it during the break.
The caller said that he could even do an amazing impression off Alec and cleared his throat as if he were going to do it. Then he just played the audio of the call and pretended like he was doing it. Howard told him it was a good idea but hung up on him.
Howard's cousin Richie called in to talk about this bee thing since he's such an expert. Richie said that it is true that many things would vanish from the earth if the bees disappeared. Richie said that Howard had gotten his web site wrong and it was actually HealthFromTheHive.com and not Hive.com that Howard had said earlier. Richie talked about some of the things that are killing off the bees and how people need to do something about it or life will be different without them.
Howard let Richie go and then played the ''Dry Oatmeal'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to a restaurant one time using George Takei audio clips. He was inspired to play that after the caller who did the Alec Baldwin impression had used that ''dry oatmeal'' line when he was clearing his throat.
Howard said he loves how the guys isolated all of those George Takei audio clips. He said he could listen to his voice all day long and asked Sal and Richard if they had more of the clips to play. Sal said they had more somewhere but it might not be in the system.
Howard told Scott to stop and that it was enough already. Gary said he had some other good stuff to play. There was a new clip from ''Cops'' that he could play. In the clip a cop is taking a guy out of a home and a woman claims that the guy has a gun. The guy freaks out and starts screaming at her and then breaks down crying about it. Robin said that guy reminded her of Howard's Mama Lookaboobooday impression. That got Howard doing his impression for a short time.
Gary told Howard they have another clip from an old police show from back in the 1980s. In the clip the cops are giving a guy a DUI test and he denies that he was driving after saying he knew he was being arrested for driving drunk. The guy is very belligerent and tries to explain himself. The officer asks him to do this physical performance test but the guy just keeps saying that he knows he's drunk but he wasn't driving. He tells her that over and over again but she still makes him go through the test. The guy eventually starts saying that he refuses to comment on the grounds that it may incriminate him. He tells the cops that his license is already suspended and refuses to take a breath test.
Howard said they should track that guy down because he sounds like a future Wack Packer. He took a call a few seconds later from a guy who claimed that he was the guy from the tape. The guy was doing an amazing impression of the guy in that clip. Howard said he thought that it was really the guy in the clip because he was so good. The guy came out of his impression and said he was just goofing around. Howard hung up on him and took another call after that. This guy Hanzi called in and tried to get a discussion going but it wasn't working so Howard hung up on him.
High Pitch Eric called and left a message about why he hasn't been around lately. He's got gout and he's having problems with that. Eric claims that he's got it in both feet and that's why he can't walk around. Howard said the guy has nowhere to be and has no reason to walk. Artie said he's not sure why but he's just grossed out by that guy. He said that Eric might be the most fascinating guy in the Wack Pack because he seems retarded but he's actually just evil.
Howard said that he got a message from Mary Carey who has a mother who is retarded. She tried to kill herself not too long ago by jumping out of a window. Mary called and left a message with her mother. In the call Mary tells her mother what to say to them and she repeats after her. Mary's mother says that she'd like to come on the show and talk about her recovery. Howard said he wishes that his mother was retarded because it would be so great for the show. Howard said it should be a good show if they have Mary and her mother on again. They were on one other time and it was good back then.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that the maybe it was the Newlyweird Game that caused things to go wrong with Robin and Mr. X. She was also saying that Artie and Dana had won the game but they didn't even last as long as Robin and Mr. X.
Howard said that Hate Man has returned so he played his latest voice mail message. In the message Hate Man talks about Sanjaya getting voted off American Idol and then goes off on some people and yelling for people to lick him and stuff like that. He called back and left another message for Robin. Hate Man tells Robin that he's the only white motherfucker in her life and she has no business hanging out with Bubba. He said he was going to shoot his load on her face and make her white for a half hour and then yelled that she was a monkey and repeated monkey about 50 times.
Howard played some audio of Jeff the Drunk calling into the Playboy channel. He was having some issues with his radio being turned up so they hung up on him until he turned it down. They put him back on and then Jeff told one of the hosts that he wanted to eat her pussy. Jeff started to get into it but his phone started to cut out and they hung up on him again. That led to Artie doing his impression of Jeff's disgusting voice and how he had just tried to have phone sex with those girls. Howard wondered if Jeff has ever had a girl in his life. He said he did see pictures of him with chicks before his accident. He said that was a long time ago though.
Howard said Crazy Alice left a strange message for them. She started talking like a hillbilly. He played the clip where she was asking for a copy of a song that she heard on the show and started talking like a southerner. Howard said she was talking about that guy who sent in the ''nig*er Hatin' Hat'' song. That got Howard talking about the Imus thing and how he stopped wearing his cowboy hat after that news broke.
King of All Blacks called in and asked if Gary was going to have any black people at his party this summer... other than Robin. Gary said he wasn't but it's not that they're not welcome there, he just didn't have any on his guest list.
Howard asked Jeff what the highlight of his year was last year. Jeff said that was a tough one. Artie said it was probably that one day when he didn't shit in his pants. Jeff couldn't come up with anything. Howard asked him if he had a girlfriend before he had his accident. Jeff said he had one right before his accident. It was about a month before. He said he's always thought that he got in the accident because he had pre-marital sex with that chick. He said she moved right next door to him in the trailer park but he hasn't tried to hook up with her again.
Howard asked Jeff if he's got a nicer trailer than she does. Jeff wasn't sure, he hasn't seen hers. Howard said it didn't seem like it would be a happy occasion if he came down there for his birthday. Artie asked him if he would fall over and hit his head by the elevators again. Jeff said he could do that.
Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone again. King said that he knows of a job that Jeff could get for $20 an hour. He'd be handing out recycling information. King said that it's in Englewood, New Jersey but Jeff lives up in the Albany, New York area so it's not a good place for him to be working. Howard let Jeff go and went to break after that.
Howard gave him some applause and said there was nothing like seeing Artie work with a picture of Elliot Offen above his head. He also said that he would pay to see that rant on Broadway. He told Artie he's a genius. He did it in his own voice but it was still like Alec Baldwin's delivery. Artie said he's not good at impressions, he's good at mimicking people. He said that he could get away with that stuff at MAD TV because he had the cadence down pretty good.
Howard asked Artie how many times he had to read the transcript. Artie said he only had to read the transcript about 3 or 4 times. He also writes down the first line of paragraphs because that reminds him of what he has to do. He said that's how he gets a lot of work because he can remember scripts just like that. Howard said he loved that so much that he wanted to hear it again. Artie said that he's going to be doing Rescue Me again and he has to start remembering the lines for that because he's shooting that on Friday.
Howard mentioned the Hottest Chick Biggest Fart contest they have coming up and mentioned that the sponsor is Clips4Sale.com.
Artie and Howard talked more about the Alec Baldwin thing. Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie that he's great and he loved him on MAD TV when he would do the ''That's My White Mama'' character on that show. Artie said that was him doing about 5 pages of a screaming woman on the show.
Howard said he found the outtakes from the George Takei recording session where he asks for hot water, clears his throat and asks for some dry oatmeal. He played a few seconds of that and then said he had some more clips of Richard and Sal calling into this guy Jonah's public access show about the Yankees to goof on him again. Sal and Richard are the only phone calls he gets on that show. He threatens to take the TV show off the air if he keeps getting calls like that. He was also trying to explain how they were part of the ''lowest common denominator'' but said ''lowest common de-niner.'' He had also mentioned something about going to play Pokemon so Sal and Richard goofed on him about that every time they called.
Jonah took one call that was a real call and he freaks out on the guy and then starts coughing uncontrollably. The caller then asks Jonah if he can work as his phone screener. Jonah says he can't pay him so the guy tells him he can pay him in cock. Jonah clears his throat and takes some more calls from Sal and Richard who ask him if he's choking on cum.
Howard had ''Beth'' on the phone again so he picked up and let Sour Shoes do his thing. Sour Shoes was doing his Beth impression and a Billy Joel impression as well. Sour Shoes also threw in some of his Scott Ferrall impression during all of that. He was going from his Beth impression to Billy Joel and into Scott Ferrall. Howard told him the song was awful so he went into his Scott Ferrall impression since the guys seem to like that better than anything. Howard asked Sour Shoes to do ''Goodnight Saigon'' with the helicopter sounds in there. Sour Shoes broke right into the song and he actually had the helicopter sound effect ready to go. Howard laughed and said he's amazing and wondered how he had that ready to go.
Howard asked Robin and Artie what they wanted to hear. Artie said he wanted to hear some ''Miami 2017'' so Sour Shoes broke right into that. He also did some ''Downeaster Alexa'' for Howard. Howard said that Robin had a request of ''Movin Out'' for Mr. X. Sour Shoes did a little bit of that and some other Billy Joel songs. Artie said they should really study this kid's brain.
Howard let Sour Shoes go and said he once had to tell him not to show up on the street to sing to him anymore. He said that's his biggest nightmare when he shows up and starts singing to him. Howard said his Scott Ferrall impression is so good that the real Scott would get angry when other shows would put him on because they believe they're talking to him.
Artie was wondering what kind of money Howard thought was the good money in the business. Howard said could have made up to $180,000 at NBC if he had stayed there. He said he got fired before he got up that high though. when he got to K-Rock he started making some good money but it wasn't as much as it seemed. He said that Whoopi Goldberg is probably making more than he ever did over there.
Ralph called in and asked what was going on with Robin and Mr. X. He hadn't heard the show earlier in the morning so Howard asked him if he expects him to repeat the whole show to him. Ralph actually guessed right when he asked if she had broken up with Mr. X. He said that's the only time he gets to hang out with Robin so he kind of had an idea that they had broken up. Ralph asked Robin what was up with that and if things just fizzled.
Ralph said that Mr. X did something that he didn't really like one time. He said that Robin was laughing during a movie screening and Mr. X grabbed her and told her to quiet down. He said that really pissed him off back then. He didn't do anything about it at the time though.
Ralph asked Howard how he can go from not wanting to play the Alec Baldwin phone call to having Artie read it. Howard said he still has a problem with the call but he likes Artie doing an impression of it. That led to him playing the prank call Sal and Richard made to the towing service using clips from Alec's voice mail.
The guys talked about how many prank calls those guys are going to be able to make using those clips. Howard let Ralph go after that and then went to break.
Howard told Artie that they had gotten some cookies that are supposed to be some kind of diet food. Howard said they're supposed to replace meals so he gave one a try himself. Artie also tried one and said they are actually pretty good. Howard and Artie were both chomping down on the cookies and talking about how good they were. Artie said that when a low fat thing is good, they're trouble.
Howard read the note he got from the people who sent the Hollywood Cookie Diet cookies. They claim that one of them is supposed to be a whole meal but Howard said he could eat just one and lose weight. They say that you're supposed to eat one for breakfast and one for lunch and then eat a sensible dinner.
Artie was on his second cookie so Howard handed him the whole box and told him to knock himself out. He gave a little piece to Fred to try as well. Robin said that they have a standee of Artie out in the hall that's very funny. They have him eating food in that picture. They also have some paintings of him hanging around the studio and in the bathroom there too.
Mike Gange said that they thanked the newspaper for giving clearance on a photo they used. Mike said that he had submitted the photo though. He was looking for some thanks for some stuff so Howard told him to talk to Mike Gange off the air instead. He let him go after that.
Steve Langford got into his Howard 100 News preview. They'll have a story about a web site that's trying to help Artie. The site is called SaveBabyGorilla.com. Steve also said that they'll have a story about Riley Martin's former co-host who has an exclusive interview with a guy who claims he's been on the mother ship with Riley before. They'll have more on all of that and much, much more on Howard 100 News today.
Howard said on Sunday the 22nd of this month they celebrated a little piece of show history . They went to number one in Cleveland in 1994 after only 21 months on the air. He said they can be proud of that moment. He said he realized how popular they were when their wires were cut during the broadcast.
Jon Hein ran down the stuff they were going to talk about on The Wrap Up Show today. Robin's break up with Mr. X will be discussed. They'll also talk about Bob Levy's offer to bang her and also Gary the Retard's offer. Robin said she would probably have sex with Gary before Bob. Jon also said they'll talk about Eric the Midget getting a basket full of free porn from the show. They'll also talk about Jeff the Drunk and his call to Playboy among other things.
Artie was talking about how he was kind of depressed about Robin breaking up with Mr. X. He said that it makes him realize that the world sucks and everything good comes to an end no matter what. He said it just blows. Robin told him that you should just enjoy things while you have them. Howard said he kind of likes that Artie is dating again and talked about how cool it is that he has the chance to get laid again. Artie said that it is kind of exciting to be doing that again. He likes getting to know a chick and stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what's going on with the Myspace pages. Howard said that he doesn't like that people are creating some phony pages and writing stuff as if it was his. He doesn't like that they do that because people think that it's really him writing stuff on there. He said that people assume that they're getting in touch with him and it's really not him. Robin said it's like a con and people really do believe they're writing to the real person when they're not. Howard had Robin get to her news after blowing that discussion off.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show saying he had a blow out with Gary before the show. He said that he got mad at him for playing bits on the Wrap Up Show that he hasn't played on the regular show. He didn't know that he was on a timetable after hearing Gary playing an example of a bit that he hadn't played on the show in a few weeks. He said he doesn't want Gary invading his shit and doing stuff like that. He said Gary was arguing with him and he had to tell him to stop.
Robin said they used to play bits that he wouldn't play on the show. Howard said those were bits he said he was never going to play on the show. Yesterday they played a prank call to a pizza place that Sal had done but it wasn't a rejected bit, Howard just hadn't played it yet. Howard said he doesn't care about the Wrap Up Show, it's irrelevant.
Gary came in and tried to defend himself. He said it wasn't about how Howard doesn't play bits fast enough, it was more about how Sal and Richard freak out when the bits don't get played. Howard argued with Gary and said that he can't be serious arguing with him. He said the rules are that he is to call him and ask if he's done with something before playing it on that show. Gary said he doesn't want him thinking his some renegade who is playing bits that he's not supposed to. Howard told him that he should know the rules by now.
Gary said it felt right to play that bit yesterday. Howard said that's ridiculous and said that there are many bits he doesn't play for 10 years but that doesn't mean that he can take it and play it on the air. He said he just wasn't ready to play that bit and told Sal to remind him about the bit after he took it off the page on his computer. Sal came into the studio but Howard warned him to leave before saying anything. He told him he was going to make a mistake by saying anything.
Sal then went on to say that he told Gary that he didn't think it was right for him to play the bit on that show. Gary told him he was a liar and he was full of shit. He couldn't believe that he was throwing him under the bus like that. Robin backed Gary up in that. Gary said that out in the hall Sal was making the crazy sign about Howard after he told him what was going on right before the show. Howard said that Gary shouldn't be telling Sal what his mood is. Gary said he was just preparing Sal for what's going to happen.
Gary left the studio and Howard told Sal that Gary was wrong and he knows it. Sal insisted that he didn't throw Gary under the bus and he didn't lie about what he said to him. He said that Gary told him ''Trust me, it's not going to be played...'' when he asked him if he was sure that Howard wasn't going to play that bit.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked if he had any new bits to play today or if he has to listen to the Wrap Up Show to hear them. Howard sarcastically said that they're going to premiere on the Wrap Up Show from now on. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Sal did say something to Gary about playing the bit. Howard said he's going to go back and listen to it himself. Sal backed Howard up in the discussion about playing bits on that show and said that it is his show and he will go with whatever he says.
The caller on the line told Howard that Sal did say something to Gary about not playing the bit on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. That seemed to piss Gary off even more. Sal was laughing and saying that he was just looking out for Gary yesterday when he did that.
Artie said that Sal was kind of making it sound like he was the hero of the situation when he came in there. Sal said he wasn't trying to do that, he was trying defend himself because it was like Gary was trying to throw him under the bus and make it sound like he led him to play that bit. Howard told Sal he could leave and ended the discussion with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show is good but it seems to be going to Gary's head lately. Another caller said that Howard should stop going to therapy because he seems to be getting soft. He said that Robin was on Bubba's show spilling her story to them instead of doing it on Howard's show. He said that he has to go back to the old days where he goes off on people and puts them in their place.
Howard said he liked the bit that they played yesterday and he would have eventually played it. He has a process he does on the show and it's worked well so far so he's not sure why they'd undermine him like that. Artie said that the other day Sal and Richard played a bit they did with Joe Franklin and he heard it. He said he didn't think it was all that strong. He said Howard didn't say yes or no and thought that was a good thing because that was a good way to handle it. He didn't want to say yes or no, maybe he wanted to sleep on it. Howard said he hadn't needed to go to any bits like that but he likes to have stuff like that in reserve so he's still not sure why they'd play a bit like that on another show. He said it was really aggravating. The caller told Howard to tell Gary to stay the boss and stop dicking around with those two.
Gary came in and said that he had an audio clip of Sal saying that maybe they shouldn't play the bit. He was admitting that he did say it and pointing it out to Howard. Howard found the clip and played it. In the bit Gary told Sal to go get the bit and Sal does say that maybe Howard would want to play it first. Gary told him to trust him, he wasn't going to play it at all.
Howard said that it's like Gary sabotaged the show. Gary asked Howard if everything he does is right 100 percent of the time. Howard said that he's always right and couldn't think of anything where he was wrong. Gary said he did back Bush in the Iraq war. Artie told him he had another one... in 1986 when he wore the black leather pants and brown cowboy boots. Howard said he might be right about that.
Gary said that tomorrow is bring your kids to work day so he's afraid that he's going to be emasculated when he brings his kids in tomorrow. Artie said he has to apologize to Sal because it really was Gary who was pushing to play that tape on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he had to hear the whole conversation to know what was really going on though. Gary said that Sal likes to throw him under the bus and it's kind of like the way Stuttering John used to do that kind of stuff to him. That's why he reacts to him the way he does when he thinks he's being attacked.
Artie said the bit wasn't incredible but it was good. Howard said there's another bit that Sal and Richard did that he was going to play. It had the return of Richard's character ''Nervous Mark'' who can't answer a question or finish a thought. He played the first Nervous Mark bit where he called a cable access show and couldn't get his thoughts out. Then he talked about how Sal and Richard used that character on their Jack and Rod show when they spoke to Joe Franklin. Howard said Joe Franklin didn't really react to it so he didn't think it was all that great of a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Grandpa bit wasn't all that great and it shouldn't have even been played on Imus' show. Howard went into the Jack and Rod show where they goofed on Joe Franklin. They told Joe that they had found a huge fan of Joe's and had him in the studio to talk to him. The big fan was Richard's ''Nervous Mark'' character who wasn't able to speak. He stuttered and stammered trying to get out his questions and comments. At one point Nervous Mark throws up from being so nervous, then he pisses his pants so Sal kicks him out of the studio. Joe tries to get in a plug for his book but Nervous Mark is still in there moaning and talking over him.
Howard cut the bit off and said it went on and on. He was thinking about playing it but he didn't think it worked all that well. He said that he was thinking of having them cut it down or something but it still might now work. They were actually being kind of mean to Joe but he played along with them. Artie said there were a few funny moments in the bit. Howard said Sal and Richard seem to pressure Gary into trying to get some of those bits played and that's why the one got played on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he's still all aggravated about the whole thing. He hates being an asshole like he was but everything is a neurotic fuckin' mess for him. Howard said the problem is that he's always right and has never been wrong. Artie pointed out that his fashion might not be perfect so Howard admitted to that. He said that's why he puts up with Ralph in his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whenever Beth is away, Howard is the biggest cunt in the morning. He said he doesn't think that he should let her go away anymore. Howard said he spoke to Beth last night and she told him about hanging out with that guy Bill from The Apprentice. He said she told him that even if she wanted to cheat on him, she couldn't do it because all of his fans would figure it out and tell on her.
Artie wondered if Richard Roeper can go on with the show if Roger Ebert retires. Howard said he's not sure, he never really gets to see the show and doesn't know what kind of ratings it gets. Howard said Roeper is keeping the show going but he's had guest reviewers on the show like John Mellencamp which doesn't seem like the best idea to him.
Howard said that after he ran yesterday he had the biggest shit. He said he felt great afterwards. He said he had been constipated before that and it felt so great when he went out and did that. He said you really do have to do stuff to stay in shape and the run showed him that. Artie told a story about how he was playing in a baseball game one time and after he ran, he had to take a shit and they had to delay the game for him because he had to go so bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that at least he's not Imus. Howard said he was actually feeling bad for Gary now because he had gone off on him the way he did. He said Gary really does work hard there. He said he just blows up sometimes. Artie said he felt really bad about what he said about Jason the other day. He said some really vicious things about Jason and felt bad about it. He said it really irks him when he gets a phone call from his mother where she's crying and he blamed Jason for the whole thing.
The caller was asking Howard how much time he gives to Imus' wife before she leaves him. Howard said he has already talked about that and he does think that she will eventually leave him. He said that Imus couldn't get a date even with a radio show. They actually had a contest on the show to find a date for Imus and that's how he met his wife.
Howard and Artie were talking about dating so Artie asked Howard about the chick who Howard had gotten a blow job from the first time he met her. Artie wondered if she was married at the time. Howard said that she was not married then, she was already out of her marriage. Howard said there was one time when he was juggling 4 women at the same time. He said he told them all that he was dating other women though. Ralph actually did a little bit of an intervention with him and told him he had to slow down. Howard said he was acting like a drug addict with the women he was dating. He was devoting his whole life to that and nothing was satisfying him.
Howard said Ralph was right and it was right for him to tell him to slow down that stuff. Fred asked him how long he was going at that pace. Howard said it was just a couple of months. Fred told him he could have lasted a few more months. Artie said that he and Dana broke up in November and he's dated four chicks since then and that's a torrid pace for him. He's not used to that.
The caller asked Howard if he still checks out the women there in New York. Howard said he does think about it sometimes about how nice it would feel to have a new chick but he looks at Beth and he's still really turned on by her. They have a good friendship and get along so well so he's glad that he's with her. He said he was dancing around last night when he was thinking about beating off. He said he wanted to be nude and run around the apartment like that. He said he put in the Savanna Samson DVD again and watched that again. He said he put that DVD in again and the DVD player remembered where he left off. He doesn't know how that happens because it only happens with the porn he watches.
Artie said that there were two moments in his life that he remembers the most. The first one is where he walked into Yankee Stadium and saw the field for the first time. The second is the moment you know that a chick you like is willing to bang you. Howard said one of his most memorable moments was going to the set of Match Game with his father. His father worked the controls on that show and he got to watch him work.
Howard got back to Imus' wife and said that she's completely dejected and maybe she'll stay with him if Imus can find another job where she'd be in the spotlight. Howard said she didn't have a career before she started going out with Imus as far as he knows. He's not sure what she'd do after leaving him.
Howard said he got a note from Tim Stack who said that Simon Cowell didn't change his shirt from the day he was in Africa to the time he was on the show. Tim said they must have flown him in and flew him right back out. Robin said maybe they did it with a Green Screen or something.
Howard played some audio from American Idol and described what was going on in the video. He said that they had little starving kids standing there while this sad music was playing. Simon talks about how terrible the conditions are there and says it's unbelievable and just wrong. Simon said he's never seen anything like that in his life. Artie said it sounds like the same things he'd say about Sanjaya's performance.
Howard asked Eric if he voted. Eric said he did vote and voted for a few people. Howard asked him why he did that so Eric explained that he voted for Lakisha but she didn't do so good so he spread the votes around. Howard said that's not the point of the vote, he should pick a favorite and vote for that one person. Howard asked him who he thought was the best on the show. He named three people who he thought did well so Howard told him he's got to pick just one. Howard thinks that Melinda is the most talented but no one wants to go see her in concert.
Eric said that he's not going to spend any money on this season's American Idol tour. Howard thanked Eric for the call and was going to let him go but Eric let out a ''Uhhh'' so Howard kept him on the line. Eric said he heard that they had slipped some gay porn into the porn gift package they were sending to him. He asked that Richard remove it but the package is already in the mail. Howard said he wanted them to slip the DVD into a straight porn case.
JD came in to talk about the gay porn clip so Eric asked him if he was still trying to hit on some woman who was married. JD had no idea what he was talking about. Richard told Howard that the gay porn is funny and Eric should check it out. He said the guy in the clip is the guy who they play clips of on the show who beats a guy and talks about playing hard with him. That led to Howard playing that clip Richard was talking about. Richard asked Eric if he was interested in playing it. Eric said he will return it to them when he sees them at the Killers of Comedy show in June. Richard asked him if he's going to watch it first. Eric said he won't watch it. The guys could picture him showing up to the comedy show with the gay porn and goofed on him about that.
Howard played another bit where they took Eric's voice and put it into the gay porn clip. Richard said it'll be funny when Eric shows up and they pull him aside at the comedy show after he goes through a metal detector. Eric said he'd put the porn in a paper bag or something like that. Robin said he could put it in his man purse. Eric said he doesn't have one so Robin told him maybe he needs one.
Eric asked for someone to give him a call when Stone Cold Steve Austin calls in so he can hear the show and maybe talk to him. Eric said he wants to know if Steve is going to be involved with the WWE this season. Howard said he'll try to put him through but didn't want him to hold him to that.
Howard wondered where Benjy was because he wasn't there in the studio. Gary said he had no idea he was missing. Howard said he didn't either until he read the note from Fred. Fred said he passed that to him about 45 minutes ago.
Howard wanted to hear the brutal moments so Fred played the short clips where his father tells him ''I told you not to be stupid you moron'' and ''Shut up! Sit down!'' He had a 3 minute clip where all of those clips came from but he didn't want to play through them. Howard said his father didn't seem to understand that kids act like kids sometimes and he wanted them to act like adults.
Artie talked about the days when he worked with his father had him helping him out with antennas and he can remember him going off on him but he never called him a moron or anything like that. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard took a call from a woman that Gary told him about. He said that the woman was a friend of Gary's neighbor or something like that. Gary said he got the call from this woman who claimed to be a friend of a neighbor of his but he's never met her. She said that she wanted some help getting in touch with Alec Baldwin and wanted Howard's help. Gary said that he has no way to get in touch with the guy to ask him to go out with her though. She seems to think that Howard could e-mail him or something though. Artie said that people are just nuts.
Howard said Gary had a bit piece of food on his lip as he was talking to him. He said he couldn't take his eyes off of that while he was talking. Gary said it was probably a piece of egg.
The woman finally picked up the phone and it sounded like there was a kid in the background. She actually hung up the phone. Howard said that some people are delusional and think that just meeting someone like that can get them into their lives. He noticed the thing on Gary's lip again so he asked him what it was. Gary didn't see it so Fred told him that it's there. Lisa G was in Gary's office so she checked it out and said it was just skin. While that was going on Fred was playing a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard had that chick on the line again so he got her on. Her name as Allison. She claimed that she didn't say what Gary claimed she did. She said that she called the show and said that she was thinking that she'd be a better date for Alec than some online dating service. Gary said that what he said was exactly what she said to him though. Allison said that she's been a big fan of Alec's for a long time now. Howard said she's basically a groupie then. Howard told her that Alec probably dates young women and not someone who is 35 like she is.
Allison claims to be super hot but Gary hadn't seen her and didn't know if she was or not. Howard asked her what she would do for Alec if they did hook her up. Gary said that she told him that she only needed 5 minutes with him. Gary said that he had tape of her telling him that stuff so he went to get that ready for Howard to play.
Howard talked to Allison a little more and said that if Alec was going to go out with anyone on the show, it would probably be Robin. Howard said he had Alec on the phone and put him on the line. It was actually audio clips from that voice mail he left for his daughter where he yells at her, calling her names. That led to Artie doing his impression of Alec as he was using his megaphone. Howard said he liked the way Artie changed it around today. Artie said he was just paraphrasing all of that.
Howard interrupted that with a new Robin news theme song. The song was about her titties so the guys spent a minute on that. Then Rev. Bob Levy called in and asked Allison if she wanted to double date with he and Robin. Allison wasn't interested in that. Howard took another call from a guy who asked them to put together a bit with the Lily Tomlin yelling clips mixed together with the Alec Baldwin clips. Howard said that would be a great idea and told Sal and Richard to get to work on that.
Howard told Allison that they were still working on getting the phone call together. She asked Howard if it was true that Beth had brought their dog to Chicago with her. Howard said he never said that and the dog was home with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wasn't getting the Weekend with Big Foot show on Howard TV. Howard put him on hold and asked him to talk to the people from Howard TV so they can straighten that out. That led to Howard talking about how Big Foot had a whole breakdown on the phone the other day. Richard called him to record some stuff and Big Foot broke down. He played the clip where Big Foot talks about how he's being ''descriminized'' against. He talked about all of the problems he has and how people are lying about him. Big Foot said he has figured out the crooked system up there where he lives. He asked Richard if he knows who he's dealing with and then said that he's doing investigations and wondered if he knows who he's dealing with. Big Foot hung up on him after going off against him. Artie said that is the single greatest piece of audio he's ever heard and he needs a CD of it immediately.
Lisa G got back to her news rundown and said that Will Murray backed out of doing the intern Show even after agreeing to do it. He backed out because he has softball tonight. They have another story about how Gary had ordered $70 worth of Sushi when he went out to lunch with a publicist. Gary denied that happened, he said it was more like $40.
Howard said he could kill some time doing some other things while they waited for that call. He said he read that Rosie O'Donnell might be announcing that she's leaving The View today. He spent a minute on that and then talked about the Riley Martin show. He said he's heard that Riley has been doing some odd things lately. During breaks Riley will just pee into a gallon jug instead of going to the bathroom. The producer on the show said that Riley just whipped it out and peed into the jug without hiding it from anyone. Howard said they'll have to ask him if that's true.
Howard played one clip where Riley is talking to a phone caller who asked him to elaborate on some stuff about some things he had said about Stevie Wonder. Riley then goes on to talk about how the aliens like Stevie Wonder. He said that he asked Tan the alien to fly over and give him some eyes then. Riley cracked himself up with his own stories.
Gary came in and gave Howard the phone call he got from Allison. He played the clip where Gary and Allison were talking about what she wanted to do. She did say something about how she just needed 5 minutes with him. Gary told her that he doesn't have much contact with him and didn't have a way to get in touch with him. He also asked Allison why Alec would want to sit down and talk to her. She said that she actually said that she would give him 5 minutes to explain himself to her, not that she just needed 5 minutes with him. Howard said she sounds desperate in that call. She said she's really not.
Gary wanted to see some pictures of this girl but she said that he should call his neighbor if she is or not. She said she would e-mail him some pictures if he wanted. Artie was willing to go out on a date with her if she was hot. Howard said he guarantees that she's not that hot. He said there's no way she's hot. He put her on hold so she could give him her e-mail address.
Howard asked Bubba how they explain the match because there's always some story about the match. Bubba said there is no story line and they're just having some wrestling matches. Bubba said he's there to help out Hulk Hogan a little bit.
Howard interrupted that to play a clip of Vince McMahon and Donald Trump doing some dopey wrestling thing. He quickly played that and got back to Bubba. Bubba said that his partner will be Brutus the Barber Beefcake and they are supposed to win the match and cut the hair off the other dudes they're wrestling. He said that he might break a chair over one of the other guys but he won't be getting smashed himself. He said that's one thing you can't fake and it's actually very painful to get whacked in the back with a chair even if it is made to break.
Howard asked Bubba if Hulk is out of his marriage yet. Bubba said he was talking to Nick about it on his show last night. Nick said that it's the same old shit that's been going on for the past 10 years and they're not breaking up.
Howard said Bubba is pretty hard core because he's going to be racing the next day after the wrestling match. Bubba also brought up how he's willing to let Robin out of the race that they're supposed to do if she makes a donation to the North Shore Animal League. Robin said that she's not going to give up on that and will race him. Bubba asked Howard if he was upset that Robin gave him the Mr. X story on his show. Howard said he's mad at Robin, not at Bubba. He told Bubba that he's more loyal to the show than Robin is.
Howard asked Bubba if he's a millionaire. Bubba said he's really not because he's not liquid with his assets. Howard talked about how Bubba was on a huge roll when he was working for Clear Channel because they were paying him so well and caving into his demands.
Howard said that Bubba is supposed to be adding on to his house and building this dark room where he can sleep. He asked him how his marriage is going and Bubba said that it's going good. Howard said he thinks that there's some interesting stuff going on with Bubba that he doesn't talk about on the air. Bubba said that Heather really loves women and they like to go to strip clubs and stuff. Bubba said she told him that he can hook up with chicks if he wants as long as she knows about it or she's involved.
Bubba said he went to a concert the other day and it was the worst he's ever been to. It was The Killers who were performing and he thought that the music was just too loud and he looked like the oldest person there and he's only 41. He said they were going to go to a club after that but Heather started giving him a handy in the car so they just went home. He had no interest in going to the strip club after she finished him off. Bubba said that he has to tell heather to leave him the fuck alone after he finishes. Once he has that nut, he's done.
Howard asked Bubba more about this wrestling match. Bubba said they should have about 10,000 people there. Howard wrapped up with him and let him go after that. Howard and Artie said they'd like to see Bubba doing that stuff down there. Artie said he would have flown down to see him if he had known about it sooner. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard started to play the Lily Tomlin bit but it was recorded wrong so he had to stop it. Howard told the guys they have to destroy the bad copy they have so they don't use it again. He went into a different bit instead. He played a call that Sal made to an car service place and had the Lily Tomlin yelling clips yelling at the woman on the phone.
Howard also played the raw tape of Lily Tomlin yelling at the director during the shoot of the movie ''I Heart Huckabees.'' A short time later Howard had the fixed Lily vs. Alec bit. He quickly played that and then said that Stephen Baldwin was on Larry King's show the other night but he refused to answer any questions about Alec's outburst. Larry was asking him a bunch of questions about his niece but Stephen was refusing to talk about any of those things. Larry asked him what he could talk about. Stephen said he could talk about his influence on his brother spiritually so he rambled on about that for a short time. Stephen said he's just there to love and support his brother.
Howard said that Stephen shouldn't have gone on there at all because he had nothing to say at all. He said if you can't talk about that stuff, there's no reason to go on that show. Stephen talked about how many people make mistakes in their lives and he's just there to support his brother the best he can.
Howard said that he had Stone Cold Steve Austin there so he had to take a break before bringing him in. He spent a minute talking about an article he read about some of the stupid things that celebrities have said. There was one quote from P. Diddy and why he got rid of the P in his name. He said something about it being something that was holding back his fans when they'd chant his name so he took it out and goes by Diddy now. Howard said they also quoted Tori Spelling who once said that the capital of New York was New Jersey. That was from Howard's show so he pointed that out.
Howard said he's been reading this book that Don Rickles wrote called ''Rickles' Book: A Memoir.'' He told a quick story from the book that was pretty funny and then went to commercial break.
Howard said that he saw that this movie was produced by Lion's Gate and he was afraid it was going to suck but it turned out to be really good. He said you have to like action movies though. Steve said that's true, it's not for everyone.
Robin said she thought Steve wasn't interested in acting. Steve said he always wanted to be a pro wrestler but you can't do that forever. He said he enjoys getting to show a different side of himself. Howard asked him if he got to bang that chick who plays his wife in the movie. Steve said he didn't get her so Howard figured he had tried at least. Steve just laughed.
Howard told Steve that he's got the worst luck with chicks and asked him about his marriage. He said he can't talk about this case that Howard brought up where some chick tried to stab him. Steve started to talk about what happened between him and Vince McMahon but Howard stopped him and told him to back up a little bit. He asked Steve about what happened after they broke apart and then got back together. Steve said he and Vince disagreed over some stuff that they were going to be doing and he had to back out of the job. He said they wanted him to be the one looking at the lights in the ring and he didn't want to do that.
Howard said Steve must have been shitting his pants when he left the wrestling thing behind not knowing where he was going. Steve said he made a decision and had to stick by it. Howard said Steve was one of the biggest guys in wrestling, right behind guys like Hulk Hogan. Steve said that after he left he got a card from a guy who told him if he needed anything, just give him a call. That eventually led to him working with Vince McMahon again doing this movie. They only spent about $20 million on it and he said they really maximized every penny they spent on it.
Howard said that Steve must be getting a piece of the action on the movie because he's going out and promoting the crap out of it. Steve said that Vince is very good about paying guys if they deserve it. He said Vince is a good guy when it comes to that stuff and he's sure he'll get paid if he deserves it.
Howard asked Steve more about his 3 marriages but Steve turned it around on him and asked him about his engagement. Howard told him that there won't even be a wedding and he's taking his time before actually going through with the marriage. Howard told him he can come to the party they have after the marriage. He told him he loves out east and has a good spot to go fishing at. He said he goes out fishing with Jimmy Kimmel sometimes.
Howard asked Steve about possibly wrestling Hulk Hogan. Steve said that they're wrestling styles would clash and it wouldn't be a great match. He said they'd both want to win too so that would be a problem. That led to the guys talking about how Vince and Hulk aren't getting along these days because Hulk is involved with some other wrestling group. Steve said he doesn't think that Vince will ever have any real competition but there are some other leagues that are doing okay and Steve wished them all the luck in the world.
Howard asked Steve about this chick he's dating and she's not all that young. Steve said he likes to have a conversation now and then so he wanted someone older. Howard asked him if he's losing all of his money in his marriages. Steve said that he didn't have any money in his first marriage. In the second one he had some money and lost some. In the third marriage he said it was smooth sailing. Howard said he thought the third marriage was the knife incident but Steve said he had his facts wrong and it wasn't her. He didn't get into detail about that though.
Howard asked Steve where he met this new chick. Steve wasn't really getting into that either. Howard read that he's got a 3 picture deal with Vince so this is just the first one. Steve said they're looking for a second one now. Howard asked him about The Rock and if he dislikes him. Steve said he actually enjoyed working with him in the ring but he doesn't keep in touch with the guy or anything. He said there are only a couple of guys he actually keeps in touch with.
Steve said that he really needs The Condemned to do well for him to get more chances of doing other movies. Howard said he'll do fine with that movie. He said there needs to be more movies like this one. Steve said the movie is violent but there is some humor in there. He said the movie was a fun ride while they were doing it and people really have fun watching it from what he's seen. Howard said you even get to see some tittie, although it is during a rape scene.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone to ask the question he wanted to ask. Eric said good morning and asked Steve if he's going to be involved in anymore WWE wrestling shows. Steve said he probably won't be stepping back into the ring but he may be there to be part of it in some way. He said you won't see him in the ring though. Howard asked Eric if he was happy with that. Eric started to ask another question about who Steve likes. Steve said that there are some new guys he likes. He spent a minute talking about how tough it is to get into the business and to keep it going so you really have to try and hold on to your money when you do hit big.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Steve left the business because he was supposed to do a job with a guy who is now banging his ex. Steve said he had his facts wrong about that. Another caller asked if Vince McMahon might be gay. Howard said he doesn't believe that at all. Howard asked Steve if he ever tried to blow him and he turned him down. Steve jokingly said he did do that and did get turned down. The caller asked if he ever got Stacy Kiebler. Howard said she was hot and Artie said she was in the studio one time and she had a great ass. He said he'd like to see her in there again.
A phone caller brought up the Donald Trump bit they did in the WWE recently. Howard said he got a call from Vince McMahon a few years ago and he asked him to get into the ring and mix it up with someone. He said he can't do that because he'd be afraid that he'd get his neck broken.
Robin asked Steve if he ever wrestled Chris Kanyon the gay guy. Steve said he didn't know he was gay for a long time and didn't know that he was depressed either. Howard told him that Chris was on the show and Artie tried to talk him off the ledge. Steve said that being gay isn't something a guy should be depressed about and certainly not kill himself over it.
Howard gave Steve another plug for his movie and said that it really is good. He asked him what else he's doing during this promotion. Steve said that he's not even sure what he's got coming up, he's all over the place. He said he really needs the movie to do well so he's willing to do it all. He said he knows that it's tough to get into the business and he knows he was lucky to have that relationship with Vince. He said the guy was willing to take a chance on him and he really appreciates that.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks Vince will kick him out if the movie doesn't do well. Steve said that the movie will do fine and he can't imagine it falling flat on it's face. Robin said that Vince has made some other movies that didn't do so well. Steve said the other movies didn't do that well in the theaters but they did really well in DVD sales. The guys were talking about the movies that are coming out this week and Artie mentioned Spider-Man. Steve said that's coming out next week and there's no battling that movie.
Howard told Steve he wishes him luck with the movie and gave him another plug. The movie ''The Condemned'' opens this Friday. He went to break after that.
Crackhead Bob was down by the van so Howard said hello to him. Bob said that people are coming down and talking to them out there. No one had stopped by to go into the booths in the van yet but that's because they didn't open it up yet. Howard said they have it set up like a little peep show shop with some various memorabilia in the van. They have some Sybian attachments set up in there and stuff like that. Robin was goofing on Siobhan so she got back on the microphone and talked about how her hair is all falling out now so that's why she's been wearing a wig lately. Artie told her it's tough to look like a woman... when you're a man.
Artie said that the pizza place they're in front of right now has some great pizza. He talked that up a little bit and then Howard asked High Pitch Eric to walk around a little bit and show them what his gout was doing for him. He waddled around like an elephant for Howard for a few seconds. Howard told him that he should straighten up and start eating correctly so he can walk right.
Gary said that High Pitch Eric is good for about 5 or 6 slices of pizza when he comes up there for Superfan Roundtable. Howard said that Siobhan was wearing a belly shirt and his hand was shaking. She told Howard that she has a new web site called KatFarm.com where you can find out what she's up to and buy some of her stuff. She even has music out now so Howard told the guys to get that to him quickly.
Howard asked Eric if he was retarded. Eric said he's not and he wouldn't have graduated from high school if he was retarded. Howard noticed that Eric's gums were bleeding so he pointed that out. Eric said it hurts when he brushes his teeth.
Howard talked to Siobhan a little bit but she couldn't hear him so she was yelling and complaining about the headphones. Howard wrapped up with them and said you can see them in Union Square this afternoon. He said he could listen to those guys all day.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein come in. Artie said he had a request to do his Jon Hein impression so he went into that. He did the Wrap Up Show rundown for a few seconds but messed up at one point so Howard was going to call it off. Artie said he had written down bullet points to cover so he wanted to continue it. Howard cut him off a minute later because he wasn't able to pull it off. Jon Hein did his actual show rundown in his very unique way. Artie had some of the stories down pretty good. They'll be talking about many of the things that went on during the show today.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked Howard if he could smell Howard's balls because he's heard him complain about them stinking. Howard said that Sal is a sick, sick man and that will never, ever happen. Howard said he can't believe he actually asked him that. He asked Sal if he wanted him to sniff his balls and make out with him afterward. He kicked Sal out of there and wondered what was up with that. Artie said he was washed over with gay creepiness after that.
Howard asked Robin to start her news after that. She went through a few stories and then Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he works for American Idol as the crowd warm up. He said that after Sanjaya was voted off, they were all told not to talk about him anymore. The guy said he thinks that they fixed the votes for that guy and they've done it on other game shows that they produce. The guy said that he thinks that they voted him off last week because this week they had that special going on. He said that they shred all of their paper work and he has no proof that they did fix the vote. He said everyone who works there believes that he would have gone through to the final 3 if they hadn't fixed the votes. Howard said that he's pretty sure this guy is going to lose his job over the revelations. The caller claimed that he only got paid about 10 bucks an hour to do the crowd warm up over there. Howard let him go and had Robin get back to her news.
Gary came in at one point and told Howard that they had pulled some clips of Siobhan's ''music'' from her web site if he wanted to play them. Howard played one of the songs that sounded more like a car horn honking than anything else. Fred went into his Siobhan impression and sang Purple Haze to the song that was playing. Howard played another song and it was worse than the first.
Richard came in and told Howard that Siobhan's web site (KatFarm.com) is the weirdest web site that he's ever seen. He said that there are some flashing graphics on the site that put you in a trance after a few minutes. Howard checked it out a short time later and said it really was creepy. Richard told him to check out the music page because it was covered in even more crap like that.
Siobhan called in a little later and said that some of the songs applied to some of the people on the show. She told Howard to play Hippopotamus for Artie. There were some other songs like Ear Mites and Kitten Cat Farm for Robin and others. Howard cut her off and said he felt like he was stuck in an episode of Friends or something and Phoebe was on the phone with him. He hung up on her and played some more of her awful music but then said it was impossible to listen to.
Riley asked who told him that but refused to say if he had actually done it or not. He said he's seen people pissing on other people's heads on his TV show so he doesn't see what the big deal is. Riley ended up going off on Howard again and calling him a cheap bastard as he does almost every time he calls in. He said that Howard is the one who isn't paying him even though he's making like $700 million there. Howard said that he gets paid what he gets paid and Riley gets paid what he gets.
Gary said that Riley just signed a one year contract to do shows for $400 a week and he can't imagine why he's upset. Riley said that the contract can be nullified if he wants to leave at any time. He said he'd just like to get some promotion on Howard's show once in a while.
Riley said he doesn't know what the big deal is when he takes a leak when there are just men in the room. Howard said that no one wants to see him taking a piss. He asked Riley what the jug is and where he bought it. Riley was very defensive and went off on Howard after every question he asked. He just wanted to understand why a guy would piss in a jug in his own house when he has a perfectly good bathroom that he could use. Riley still wasn't giving them an answer.
Riley was goofing on Howard about how he had lost his credibility once his book went down to 79 cents in the bargain bin. Howard told Riley he sold over a million books and asked him how many he sold. Riley said he's sold a few and said ''None the less...'' and continued to goof on Howard. Riley went off on Robin for a little while as well calling her some names.
Howard asked Riley for a simple answer for a simple question... ''Why do you piss in a jug?'' Riley just wouldn't answer the question. He asked him to stop sending his spies to his house. He also continued to complain about the pay he's getting and said that Howard could tell them to pay him more and they'd pay it. Howard said that he has no control over that. He said he's told them to pay Riley as much as they possibly can and that's all he can do. Riley thinks that's bullshit and he has total control over that.
Riley finally told Howard that years ago he broke his leg and had a knee and hip replacement on one side of his body so going up and down the stairs is tough for him. That's why he pisses in the jug.
Gary told Howard that he had this guy Don Kaplan on the phone. He's a reporter who actually saw Riley pissing in a jug in a garage near SIRIUS. Howard asked Riley what was up with that. Riley said that he wasn't able to find a bathroom there when he got into the city so that's why he pissed in the jug. Don said he just happened to bump into Riley in the garage and Riley tried to sell him his book.
Riley claimed that there are millions of people who drive around with piss jugs in their cars. Howard asked him if he shits in a jug too. Fred, doing his Riley impression, said ''I shit in my wallet...'' Robin asked Riley if the Aliens know that he pisses in a jug. He asked her if Mr. X knows where she pisses. Artie told him that he doesn't know anymore.
Howard told Riley that he really has no control over what they pay him there. Riley said he still doesn't believe that. He has tried to get in touch with Mel Karmazin but he's never gotten through to him before. He said someone claimed he had but that is untrue... uhhh. Riley told Robin that loneliness is a bitch and she's going to be very lonely. Howard played some Riley song parodies while he was going off on her.
Riley asked Howard if he believes if he didn't have a million dollars, would his current girlfriend even let him clean her toilet. Howard said yes and let Riley get in a plug for his show which airs Tuesday nights at Midnight. Howard asked Riley one more time about how he cleans his piss jug but Riley wouldn't answer that question. Howard also told Riley that he's not going to quit his job just so he can get paid better. Riley said that the public has shown him that they love his show and he should see that and do something about paying him. Howard let him go after playing another Riley song parody.
Robin got back to her news and ran through a bunch of stories. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show unable to speak because his microphone wasn't on. He eventually got on and said there was a button that wasn't pushed. Robin said that Scott had come in and checked the microphones before the show so she wasn't sure why that didn't work.
Howard said that American Idol has now Jumped the Shark for him. He said he now sees why Jon Hein started that web site of his. He said he was all excited about Kelly Clarkson returning to the show last night but it turned out to be awful. Robin said that she was watching it and saw Ben Stiller on there doing some pitch and it made her run from her TV. The guys talked about Ben Stiller for a short time and how he might be the luckiest man in show business. Artie said he's been part of some of the biggest comedy movies around.
Howard also brought up Ellen Degeneres who was on the show doing that phony ''Am I on, am I on?'' with the microphone. Gary said that what blew it for him was that Jeff Beck was backing Kelly Clarkson on that show. He said he was a big fan of Jeff Beck's until he saw that. Bono was also there so they talked about that. Bruce Springsteen was there but didn't perform so Artie lucked out. Artie once agreed to get his balls shocked if Bruce ever performs on that show. Howard thought that he had agreed to ride the Sybian. Artie said he'd ride that thing like Carmen Electra before he'd get his balls shocked.
Howard said the show was just really bad and he's done with it now. He said they've complicated the whole thing and even the fact that News Corp was giving $5 million was lame to him. He said they make a ton of money off that show and they only gave that five million. Howard was also talking about the depressing video of the black kids they were showing on the show. He said it was really depressing. That led to Robin talking about one family that has a 12 year old as the head of the family because the kid's parent both died. Howard said that they should be sending the people some condoms instead of food to stop them from having kids.
Howard had some American Idol clips but he wasn't able to find them in his computer. Gary told him where they were so Howard played one where Dr. Phil gives some of his wisdom. Dr. Phil just did a promo for the phone number to call. That led to Howard playing some of the edited clips that Richard put together using Dr. Phil's audio book. They have him talking about liking his ''boyfriend's hole'' and other gay stuff.
Howard played a clip where Ryan Seacrest was talking about something so Howard goofed on his radio DJ delivery a little bit. Then he brought up Ellen Degeneres and how lame she came across on that show doing that phony thing where she pretends that she doesn't know her microphone is on. He goofed on her saying that a lot of comedians these days aren't funny.
Howard said that yesterday he was telling Riley that he has no control over his salary so maybe Barbara Walters is telling the truth. He played more of Trump talking about the whole deal there at The View and how he thinks that Rosie is just a disgusting person. He went off on her for grabbing her crotch and saying ''eat me'' to him up on stage in front of a bunch of young ladies. Trump was disgusted by that.
Artie said that if he were Rosie, he'd be calling the NY post cartoonist and ask him what she ever did to him because she just gets bigger and bigger every week. He described the cartoon that was in the paper and how big Rosie looked. Robin checked it out and laughed when she saw that cartoon.
Howard played more of the audio from Larry King's show where Trump was going off on Rosie. He was saying that her ratings have fallen off over the past few months and it's going in the direction of her own TV show. Trump said that Rosie is a ''very self destructive loser.'' He also said that she's a shock jock-like person but she doesn't know how to do it like a Howard Stern does. Howard said he was really getting brutal in that interview.
Howard played some other clips where Trump bashed Rosie about her looks. He said it was endless with the audio clips. He played another one where Barbara Walters talked about how she has nothing to do with negotiating Rosie's pay. She said that Rosie will be on with them until the end of June and that's it. Howard also played a clip where Rosie talks about how she has decided not to come back. Barbara talks about how she wanted Rosie to stay and Howard thinks that Rosie has Barbara scared.
Howard thought it was funny that Trump almost said that Rosie had grabbed her cock. Robin thought he should have stuck with that.
Gary came in and said that the one ting that they noticed was the creepy Celine Dion and Elvis duet. He didn't know how they did that. Artie said his mother called and asked him how they did that but he had no idea. Howard said he gets that kind of question from his parents too so he just makes up answers. He said he was actually laughing when he saw that Celine Dion thing. He said he knows the guy who bought that show and the guy also owns the rights to Elvis' image so that's why he stuck him in there. Howard said you watch TV and think that they thought to bring Elvis back to TV when it's really this guy Bob Sillerman trying to figure out a way to pump up the Elvis business.
That guy Bob buys up dead celebrity rights and tries to figure out ways to market them. They talked about Elvis and also about James Brown. Howard said that no one is going to buy James Brown's name because black people aren't like the crazy white people who go to visit their Elvis idol at Graceland.
Howard said he got some feedback about Robin's break up with Mr. X. He read through some of that. There was also an email about how Robin seems to be into Bubba more than anyone else and he may just luck out and get to see her fun bags. Howard said there was some feedback about Robin being very open on The Wrap Up Show the other day.
Howard read an e-mail about Artie being on Entourage this coming Sunday night. There was an email about Eric the Midget talking about his jerking off earlier this week. The writer was very entertained by that conversation. Howard read some feedback about him going off on Gary yesterday morning. Some people said Howard was wrong for going off on Gary and others thought he had every right to get angry with him for playing a bit from the show on The Wrap Up Show. He read through a couple more and then wrapped up with it.
Artie said that he always asks for extra butter on his bagel but this morning they loaded it up so much that it wasn't edible. He showed it to Howard and he said that it looked like Eric the Midget had shot his load on it. They said it was like cream cheese or something on there. Artie told Jason to just ask for a buttered bagel from now on instead of extra butter.
Howard said that the Howard TV peep show bus was shut down yesterday. He played a news report about how the cops shut them down because they didn't have a permit. Howard said the guy had it wrong because he said they were showing porn clips in the van. Howard said they were showing clips of Howard TV, not porn clips. Howard said the van was supposed to be parked outside of Madam Toussads Wax Museum but they decided against that at the last minute so they had to find somewhere else to do it.
Howard said while they were talking about the Howard TV van yesterday they were talking to Siobhan the Transsexual and she mentioned her web site KatFarm.com so they were checking out her awful music. Howard was about to play some of it but he ended up talking to Sal's son Antonio who was hanging out there for Bring your Kids To Work day. Gary and Jon Hein's kids were also there in the green room hanging out. Howard spent a short time talking to Sal's son about his father pushing him into liking the band KISS. Antonio was repeating after his father so Gary said he was kind of creeped out by that. Howard said the kid should draw a moustache and goatee on his face so he looks like his dad.
Howard said they're going to be playing a game with the kids later called ''How Well Do You Know Your Dad.'' they have Sal's kid, Gary's kid and Jon Hein's kids all there to play. Howard talked about what it must be like for Sal to be giving guidance to his kids. Artie said he hopes that Sal is better at home than he is at work. Robin said it's not Sal, it's his wife Christine who is guiding those kids.
Howard got back to the Siobhan music and talked about just how bad it is. He was about to get into that until Sal's kid showed up with the Baba Booey lips on his face making fun of Gary. Gary said he was going to get his son Lucas and have him beat up Sal's kid.
Howard played one of Siobhan's songs that they played yesterday. The song was called ''Message From Home.'' Fred got in on the fun and played a sound effect along with the song trying to recreate the odd noises. Howard played another one called ''All American Boy'' which he said made him want to throw up like Siobhan does when he's in the room with him. He said the music is just offensive. He said he wanted to make that song the ringer on his phone. Robin said that would make him answer it quick. Robin said she needs a new alarm in her house so that might work.
Howard played another song and defied anyone to find any music in it. He played a couple of other songs where the band started to sound a little musical. The songs were still horrible according to Howard but they were a little more musical. There were a couple of songs that were supposed to be for people on the show. There was one called Hippopotamus about Artie and a Cat song for Robin. Howard tried to listen to one more but it was just so horrible he had to turn it off.
Howard said the look of KatFarm.com is disturbing. Gary said he thought that Siobhan was broke and owed his brother money. He didn't know how he had the money for a web site.
Howard said that some people were talking to him about Eric and how awful it is that he jerks off and then lays in it all night. Howard talked about how the show this week was ''Idol Gives Back'' but the people giving are the viewers of the show. Eric said that a lot of the money comes from the companies that are tied to the show.
Robin asked Eric if he gave any money to that show. Eric said he can't do it at this time of month, he has to wait for his SSI check to come. Howard told him he could have pledged some money and given it later. Eric didn't have anything to say to that. He said that you can still go to AmericanIdol.com and make a pledge there.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks that he's worse off than the little black kids in Africa. Eric said he's got it made more then they do. He has food and a roof over his head. Artie told him that everyone hates him though. Eric said ''At least I'm not a fat ass.'' They went back and forth goofing on each other. Artie made fun of him making a mess in his PJ pants a little bit.
Howard asked Eric if he's sure he'd rather be himself than a little black kid in Africa. Eric said he would stay as himself even if Howard had the power to change it for him. Howard asked Eric if he got his porn package yet. Eric hadn't gotten it yet so Richard told Howard that they shipped it out yesterday and they left in the ''Daddy's Discipline'' gay porn. Richard told him that he should really check that out. Richard said that JD has a whole box of gay porn in his office so they could send him plenty of that stuff. Howard said they should send it all to him.
Howard told Eric that no one on the show donated to the American Idol charities. He figured that Eric was beating off last night but Eric said he just watched TV. He said he was sitting in his chair and wasn't in his bed to rub on his pillow. Howard asked him when he last beat off. Eric didn't remember so Howard let him go and moved on to Captain Cat Fucker.
Captain Cat Fucker said that his life changed after that phone call. He said his mother took their cats to the pound after the call. He said she told him that she gave them away but Howard and Robin said that they could have been put to sleep. Howard had to hang up on Captain Cat Fucker because he was too annoying this morning.
Howard asked Gary if his son Jackson is a popular kid because he plays football. Gary said that he's really not interested in girls yet. They talked about how that will probably start next year. The guys talked about the stuff they did when they were kids. Howard said he tried to feel up a chick who had big boobs when he was about 12. He remembers reading his parents sex manual when he was a kid. That led to them talking about how odd it was that people back then didn't know how to have sex and had to read a book about it.
Robin asked Howard if he ever had any wet dreams. Howard said he never had that, ever. He said he's very repressed when it comes to that stuff. Howard said Beth has claimed that she can have a full orgasm while she's sleeping. Robin said she's had that and the dream was about Jackie Martling.
Howard said he read about fingering a girl in this manual and figured that he'd never get that far so he didn't even bother reading about intercourse. Artie talked about making out with a girl when he was really young and how that went. Howard said this chick he was with was really hot and he'd love to know what she looks like today.
Howard had his Dad Ben on the phone to talk about the sex thing. Howard asked him to answer honestly. He asked Ben if he ever knew when he was masturbating at all. Ben said ''absolutely not...'' He never knew when Howard was beating off. Howard said he knew that was going to be the answer.
Ben was also talking about how he wasn't so thrilled about the clips that Howard was playing yesterday from Howard's childhood. Ben said it was a sorry day in his life when he turned those tapes over to Howard. He's not sure why he gave him those tapes. Artie thought it was funny that he was upset about giving him the tapes and not about what he actually said to his kids.
Howard asked Ben how he felt when he heard the clip of Alec Baldwin's message to his kid. Ben said he wondered how that clip got released. Howard said it had to be either the mother or the daughter so he was figuring it was the mother, Kim Basinger. Ben said he thinks that Alec may have gone over the top a little bit with that phone call. He said that he shouldn't take that stuff out on his kid like that. They turned it around on Ben and said that he should never tell his kids to shut up and sit down or tell them that they're morons. Ben said that he was very serious back then and Howard pushed him a little too far that day.
Gary asked Ben if it was a little crazy to ask an 8 year old to discuss politics. Ben didn't think it was that crazy to ask about stuff like that. They talked to Ben about the things he said to Howard when he didn't give him a good answer and how brutal that was. Ben didn't think it was all that crazy.
Ben asked Howard if he wanted to talk to his mother. Howard did want to ask her about the masturbation thing so Ben went upstairs and found her. She had just finished taking a shower. That led to Howard talking about how he saw his mother naked one time when she came out of the shower. He said that he remembers that very well and her breasts are burned into his head. He asked his mother if she ever heard him masturbating in the bathroom or anything. She was unaware that he ever did that in the house. Howard said he was actually doing it a lot.
Howard's mom said that Howard's father was very good to him and he should remember that. Howard said he couldn't agree more. Ray said that he shouldn't malign his father the way he did because he says a lot of untruths about him. Howard said he didn't say anything bad about him yesterday. Howard said he loves his dad and he's not sure what he even said that upset her so much. Ray said that he was maligning him and he never talks about the good things his father did for him. Howard said that he was not being obnoxious in those clips and his father shouldn't have attacked him the way he did. Ray told Howard that he wasn't the brightest kid back then and he shouldn't have been goofing around like he was in those tapes.
Fred asked Ray if she heard the Alec Baldwin tape. She said she hadn't heard it herself but she heard about it from Ben. Howard said that he was comparing the Alec Baldwin tape to the tapes from when he was a kid when his father called him a moron. Ray said it was just one time that Ben called him a moron. Howard said it was just caught on tape one time and it probably wasn't the only time. Ray was still upset with Howard for talking about his father that way. Howard said he didn't say anything wrong yesterday.
Howard said his father wasn't overly affectionate toward him, he was kind of distant with kids. That's just the way he is. Howard said his father likes adults and not kids. There's nothing wrong with that. Artie didn't think Howard was being honest here. He thinks that Howard has been a lot more harsh about his father in the past. He had talked about going to a baseball game one time and his father yelled at him for not knowing how to keep score.
Ray put Ben back on the phone so Howard asked him if he thinks he loves him. Ben said of course he knows he loves him. Robin said that Howard does say wonderful things about Ben sometimes but he never calls in then. Ben wondered when he says great things about him. Robin just laughed and didn't have an answer. Ben went on to explain how different things were when he was a kid. The adults and kids were very separated and didn't talk like people do now.
Howard said that there were father's of kids who would hang out and talk to the kids when he was growing up though. Artie said that he and his father would play baseball for hours and hours when he was a kid. Ben said that he knew that Howard wasn't all that interested in baseball when he was a kid. He said he used to be into the game when he was a kid and he'd go to see games all the time. Howard said he just didn't understand the game when his father would bring him. Ben said he wouldn't push him into liking something he wasn't into. He always supported him when he liked stuff like the puppets and music. He said he was trying to be supportive.
Robin and Fred asked him what he and Howard did together. Ben said he didn't want to push him into anything but he did bring him to work and show him what he did at the recording studio. Ben said a lot of kids are pushed into things that they look back on and hate and he didn't do that to Howard. Howard said that's true because he really didn't care about baseball and stuff like that. Ben said he took Howard to the race track one day but he thought Howard disliked it. Howard said he actually liked it but it turned into a bad experience. He said he picked a horse to win in the first race and the horse won. Then his father thought he knew something so he picked another horse to win and in the next race, he lost. Howard said his father gave him some seed money and he put it down on a horse named ''Jerry Mahoney'' and it lost.
Howard talked about the way his father taught him to fold the NY Times when they were in the subway one time. He said his father yanked it out of his hand to show him the ''right way'' to fold it so it wasn't all over the place. Fred asked if Ben ever had a conversation with Howard or anything like that. Howard said his father wouldn't talk that much to him. He'd get in the car and turn on talk radio and not talk to him.
Ben said that he would help Howard with his homework and things like that. He said he once saw that Howard had gotten a bad grade for ''conduct'' in school and wondered how that could happen. Howard said that turned into an hour of berating him. Robin asked about the story that Howard has told about how excited he was to see his father when he came home from work but Ben would just blow him off and tell him to go away. Ben said that he would come home from work and all he wanted to do was rest. He didn't want to talk to his son. He said Howard would find ways to torture him. He once put a whoopee cushion under him and he didn't appreciate that.
Artie told a story about his father coming home from work one day right before he was about to play whiffle ball. Artie said he asked his dad to sing the Star Spangled Banner so he actually did it even though he was really tired. Ben said that he would have just said ''I'll give you the Star Spangled Banner...'' and wouldn't have done it.
Howard said that his parents never really had any friends either. Ben said that they did have friends and they would get together to do stuff once in a while. He said they'd go out and hang out with people. Ben said they had a lot of friends. He said there are different types of friends and things change over the years.
Howard told his dad he loves him very much. Ben said that he loves the whole gang there and said goodbye to everyone. Howard said that was very uncomfortable. Robin said his mother was really pissed and she's never heard her like that before. Howard said she's just got a guilty conscience and that was her defense coming out. Howard said that it would be much easier for him if both of them passed away at the same time. He said he doesn't want them to die but if one of them goes, the other one is going to be a burden because he'll probably have to go visit the living one every day to make sure they're breathing. Robin said that she had a friend whose father died and her mother started dating at the age of 80.
Gary told Howard that they hadn't taken a break yet and it was almost 2 hours into the show. They had missed the call with a Nicole Sheridan. Howard said that they should reschedule that for another day because the kids are there today. Gary was talking about all of the stuff that the kids were seeing in the offices and green room there. They have all kinds of adult magazines and pictures hanging up. Howard told Gary to send them down to the Martha Stewart channel or something to keep them away from that stuff. He went to break after that.
Lisa also said that Monday Night they have The Miserable Men show returning to the air. Rev. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine and Shuli are all coming back and they're trying to book Mr. X for the show. Lisa said they have a new Page 69 report about how Sal and Richard are willing to go to lunch with fans as long as the fans pick up the bill. That was it for Lisa so Howard got into this kid game they had.
Howard introduced Jon's daughters Rachel who is 12, and Emily who is 9 years old. He talked to them about their father for a minute. He read some details about the girls and thanked them for sending him an engagement card. Howard said he likes home made cards so he really appreciated that.
Howard moved on to Jackson and Lucas Dell'Abate and talked to them for a short time. Jackson is 12 and Lucas is 9. Howard talked to Jackson about playing football and being popular in school. Lucas said that Jackson really isn't that popular.
Howard talked to Sal's son Antonio who is 7 years old and in second grade. He asked Antonio about his father breaking his wrist. Antonio thought it was pretty silly how he broke it. Jackson said he loves watching that video on YouTube all day long. Howard asked Antonio if he wanted to be a comedian like his father. Antonio said he was working on some jokes but didn't have any today.
Howard moved on to the game and said he as going to ask the kids some questions while their parents were out of the room. He said they even have some cash prizes for the kids. Howard asked Jon's kids if they had been told to marry for wealth and not for money. They said he hasn't told them that yet. Howard said that the prizes are courtesy of Beeceuticles and you can find out more about that at HealthFromTheHive.com.
Howard had the parents leave the room and then asked the kids the questions. The first one was for the Hein girls. He asked them what their father's favorite show was. The girls said it was the Thursday night shows on NBC. Howard wanted them to pick one show so they picked ''The Office.'' Howard then asked the Dell'Abate kids what their dad's favorite TV show was. They said that it was probably ''E.R.'' Antonio said his father's was probably ''American Idol.''
The second question was ''What is your dad's grossest habit?'' and went to Gary's kids first. The boys said that it was probably ''farting'' which they can hear coming from upstairs while they're downstairs eating. The boys said that the farts are pretty smelly too. Howard asked Antonio the same and he agreed with the other boys and said his father's are the same. One of the Hein girls said that Jon picks her nose in public. She said that he shows it to her too.
The next question was ''What is the last thing your parents fought about?'' Antonio was up first so he said that it was a fight about going on vacation to Florida. He said his mom didn't want to go but Sal did. They all had a big fight about it. He said there wasn't a lot of yelling and screaming but people were angry. Howard went to the Hein girls and asked them the same. One of the girls said that their dad went to get food and didn't answer his phone while their mom was saving a table at Universal Studios. They had to wait until they came back to go get their food so they had to wait forever. Howard asked Gary's kids the same thing. The boys said that their parents fought about picking up the dog poop in the yard.
Howard asked ''What is the most annoying thing about your dad?'' and went to the Hein girls. The girls said that was tough. They said that there are two things, one is when he doesn't let them vote on American Idol. The second thing was when their father went crazy when his blood sugar level got low. He once threw a hanger to the floor when he got upset. They went with the American Idol calling thing as the most annoying. Howard went to Gary's kids and they said that was a hard one. Robin asked if it's the way he makes them spell their last name. One of the boys said that his father makes him get all dressed up warm in the winter in this Michelin Man-like jacket that he hates to wear.
Howard asked Antonio what his father tells him he does for a living. He said he works for Howard and does jokes and stuff. Artie asked Antonio if his father has ever mentioned Howard's religion. He said he hasn't said anything to him. He also said that he heard his father talking about Howard and he was saying that he was the second greatest person in the world. Antonio said that his dad told him he's the first greatest. Antonio said that the most annoying thing his father does is nag him to do things.
Howard asked the next question which was ''What's the last thing your dad yelled at you about?'' The Hein girls said that they got yelled at about asking for the heat to be put on in the car on the way there this morning. They said that he was hot and sweating while they were cold. Gary's kids said that he had yelled at them for staying up too late last night. Lucas said that wasn't it, he didn't yell at them about that. He said he got yelled at for talking about how he hated going to football. Howard found that hard to believe. He said he would never force a kid to play football and told him things could be great if he was his father. Antonio said that his father yelled at him about some balloon thing and a birthday party.
Howard asked Lucas and Jackson if their father ever complains about anyone on the show. None of the kids ever heard anything like that. He asked the kids if they had any idea what kind of money their father's make. They didn't have any idea and guessed $100 and $500.
Howard had the Dads come back in and went right to Jon Hein asking him what his favorite TV show was. Jon said it was probably ''Lost'' but he was wrong. Gary said that they all watch ''Survivor'' together so it must be that. He was wrong as well. Sal said he thinks he said ''Drake and Josh'' which is something they watch together.
Howard went to the second question and asked what their grossest habit was. Jon knew that it was the cleaning the nose thing. He said that Emily had one right then and he wanted to clean it out. He said it drives him nuts and he knows it's gross... but he had to do it. Gary said he does that for Lucas but he closes the door when he does it. Gary said that he was going with the fart answer for this question and got it right as well. Sal said he was going to do the same and go with farting so he got it right as well.
Howard went to the next question and asked the guys ''What's the last thing your parents fought about?'' Jon said that it was probably what time the girls had to go to bed. He was wrong. Jon had forgotten about that fight that the girls mentioned. Gary said that it was probably a fight about him not doing something so he thought about that for a short time. He said that it was probably him not walking the dog or paying enough attention to the dog. The guys gave him the points for that one because he was close enough. Howard went to Sal and asked him the same. Sal said the question should be when they ''didn't fight. Sal said he'd have to say was probably over him farting at the table. He was wrong. Artie asked if they could play ''My wife'' for Antonio. That wasn't happening but Sal said his son wrote it for him.
Howard went to the next question which was about the most annoying thing about them. Gary said it must be making them go to bed early. He got that wrong. Sal said he thinks that it's that he's on the computer too much and got that wrong. Jon said it was probably taking the knots out of their hair so he was wrong. He almost went with the American Idol thing and would have had it right.
Howard went to the final question and asked the guys ''What is the last thing your dad yelled at you about?'' Sal said he just yelled at his son about taking his iPod. He was wrong. Jon said he rarely yells at them but he yelled at them in the car for being too loud. Howard said it was about the heat in the car but he gave it to him anyway. Gary was up and said that it was probably for not going to bed on time. He got it right so the Dell'Abate boys won with 40 points. Howard had $500 cash to split up between all 3 teams so he was going to give the winners $200 to the winners and $150 for the second and third place winners.
Howard asked Antonio what he's going to do with the money. He's saving it up for a drum set. The Dell'Abate kids said that they were going to buy a PSP (Playstation Portable). The girls were going to use their money for a PSP or something else. Artie said that his DVD is available on the PSP. The girls said that they wanted a TV in the room but Jon said that's not happening. They can buy a TV but it's not going into their room. Emily said that her daddy was very mean. Artie said that their childhood had just Jumped the Shark. Jon said that they both have computers in their rooms but they are aware that he knows exactly what's going on with each one. Gary said he also told his kids that he's been watching what they do on the computer. Howard told the boys that he made their father tell them that he was spying on them. He said he's a good guy and does that kind of stuff for them.
Howard had the kids repeating after him saying ''Cash is king'' and that ''We all hate Jay Leno.'' Robin said that he can't have them saying they hate anyone. Howard told them to say ''Scott DePace is bald'' and ''Scott Salem is bald.'' Artie tried to have the Dell'Abate kids say ''The Mets are gay!'' They did it but then one of the kids said that he was gay. The kids are actually big Mets fans. Artie said ''Welcome to a life of disappointment'' to the kids. Jackson said he was about to start swinging after hearing that. Howard thanked the kids
Sal was feeding Antonio some lines and had him asking Robin to show her boobs and then told Howard ''Shut up Jew.'' Sal said his son is a boy so he can talk about boobs like that. He didn't explain the Jew comment though. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Adam if he gets jealous that he and Jimmy have become so close. Adam said that does bother him a little bit. Adam also said he has not dyed his hair and his eyebrows have not been dyed either. He showed the salt and pepper in his hair to prove he wasn't dying it at all. Adam said he shot this movie about 8 or 9 months ago and it's called ''The Hammer.'' It's a boxing movie and he did that because he used to be a boxer. When he was boxing he met Kimmel. The movie is also about him being a carpenter and Adam said that he helped build Jay Leno's house. Adam said that Jimmy hates when he talks about Leno but he likes Jay's car collection and Jimmy hates when he talks about that.
Adam said that this movie is semi-autobiographical about his life. He said he co-wrote it. He said that he used to teach boxing classes in the morning and he'd do carpentry work in the afternoons. He said he was listening to the radio on his way to do a job and he heard Jimmy on the radio for the first time and heard him getting into a battle with a guy on the show he was doing so he offered to train one of the guys there. He said he called and made the offer but they never called him back. Adam drove down there to the station and tried to get in on the whole thing. That's how he met Jimmy. He trained Jimmy to box but Jimmy was awful. He said the first joke he told on radio was about Jimmy and how they were going to call him the Italian Tornado or something but then after seeing him in the ring, they just settled on ''Jim.''
Adam said that he remembered meeting Jimmy's wife for the first time and said to her that they were going to make sure he was safe in the ring. Then she says to him ''I hope that guy beats the shit out of him.'' That's when Adam realized Jimmy's wife didn't like him all that much. Adam said after he got a taste of radio with Jimmy, he realized that anyone could do radio and he wondered how he could get in on it.
Howard read that Adam had released his yearly salary and he was very open about that. Adam said he got one of those Social Security statements where they list what you've made since you started making money and that's what he put out. Howard read through the list that started in 1980. It started out at a couple hundred bucks and then goes up until 1985 when he made no money. Adam said that year he helped his grandmother build a kitchen on her house for a year. Adam made $0 a few years after that. Adam said he was in his late 20s and not making any money for a few years in there. Then Adam hooked up with Jimmy and he was making $316,000 by 1994 or so. The money just keeps going up from there. In 1999 he was making over a million dollars a year.
Howard asked Adam why he didn't stick with the Man Show because they were offering him $50,000 an episode to do it. Adam said what he likes about working in the entertainment industry is that he gets to do all kinds of different things and he was done with that show after Jimmy was leaving. Howard asked him if he was upset that they stuck Danny Bonaduce on his show. Adam said he's not upset at all and it actually makes his job easier so he's glad that he's there. He said Danny actually talks more than him so all things are not equal on the show now. He said the show is still called The Adam Carolla show but Danny has taken over. Howard read that Adam was having a hard time getting a word in on his show. Adam said the woman who wrote the article in L.A. about the show being taken over by Danny was a huge fan of his and she wasn't so happy when Danny came on.
Howard asked Adam if he tried to stop the Danny Bonaduce thing from happening. Adam said he didn't try to stop it at all. Adam said there were people saying that it was going to take at least a year to build an audience after Howard Stern left the business. He said they talked about that and said they were going to give him a year but six weeks in they started to freak out and asked him what the fuck was going on. He said he really didn't care about ratings like some people do. He didn't have any discussion about it when he was on Lovelines because the show always did well. He said when he started his own show, everyone was going off on him and that's the only reason he wanted some ratings so everyone would leave him the fuck alone.
Adam said that when they didn't get any ratings at first he wasn't worried but the radio station started freaking out six weeks in. He said this radio business is not a sprint, it's a marathon and he thought they were going to give him some time to build up an audience. Howard said they even went out and spent a lot of money for Adam. Adam said that's true and everyone was running around like a Chinese Fire Drill trying to figure out what to do when the ratings were low. Adam said that if Artie can do morning radio, anyone can do it. That's the way he was looking at it when he started out.
Howard asked Adam how the Danny Bonaduce thing came about and if he had any meetings with him ahead of time. Adam just laughed. He said that at the end of the year they let the dust settle and realized that they had done pretty well because he got some bonus checks. They're not doing all that great in Los Angeles but they were going to let him move ahead. He said it was a good year in general but they wanted to make some changes. That's when they brought up Danny Bonaduce. He said that he didn't think that anyone could replace him on his show even though some people were worried that might happen with Danny. Adam said he had to be kind of cocky and say that no one could replace him and be funnier than him.
Howard asked Adam if Danny has threatened to kick his ass and if he thinks he could beat him. Adam said he thinks that he could beat Danny. He said Danny can't lift his foot off the ground because he wears those skin-tight women's jeans with the cowboy boots. He said he has to carry Danny up the stairs every morning. Howard asked Adam if Jimmy Kimmel is still producing his show. Adam laughed and said that Jimmy gets paid a million bucks a year to insult him. He said his title should be ''Insultant'' and not Consultant.
Adam said that Danny Bonaduce isn't as much of a tough guy as people think. A lot of it is an act and he puts that on for the camera and on air. He said he showed Danny that he's a strong technical boxer as one of the first things with him. He said the guy isn't a crazed, drug addled maniac like people think he is.
Adam told Howard that the radio station out there is only worried about getting ratings in Los Angeles and Danny did pretty good in that market at the time so he didn't think that it was a bad idea to have him on his show. He said he'd rather have him on his show than floating around as someone who used to be good in that market. He said he wanted to have the guy there instead of having his bosses replace him with a guy who did pretty well in the market and might be willing to work cheaper than he does.
Howard asked Adam if he feels he has to be more careful on his show now that the Don Imus thing has happened. Adam said he just does the show as if no one is listening. He said there really aren't any rules on his show because of that. He thought that Imus getting fired was kind of ridiculous. He said he told his audience that if they missed Imus they could recreate the show in their bedroom by piling up a bunch of jackets and sticking a cowboy hat on top of that. He had no idea who was watching that show because it was just so awful.
Howard asked Adam why he had to apologize to the Asian community on his show. Adam said that this guy was always after him because of some things they've said on Lovelines and on his show. He said he says horrible things about everyone and isn't looking to hurt anyone in particular. He's just trying to make people laugh and that's it. He said he's said more positive shit about the Asians than not so he's not sure why they freak out on him.
Howard asked Adam about doing this movie he made. Adam said he did it while he was doing the radio show so Howard would know what that's like. They'd tell him they'd have him off the set by 8pm but then at 10:45 he'd be saying he had to get up at the crack of fuck and they'd wonder if he was into the whole thing or not. He said he was actually thinking of ''Private Parts'' when he was shooting the movie. He said Howard's movie turned out to be something that no one expected and he thinks that this movie is going to be the same. He said they're still trying to find someone to distribute the film. Howard said you can find out more about that at AdamCarolla.com. He said you can see the movie at the Tribecca Film Festival this weekend. Adam thinks that they'll be pleasantly surprised by the movie. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard went to Mike Walker who was on the line waiting to play his game. He played a new song parody that the guys had created using Mike singing ''My Hump.'' They had a bunch of his audio clips thrown in there of course. Howard mentioned that Regis Philbin was back on the air this morning and he had a bunch of clips of him saying some stuff about Kathie Lee. The clips were actually edited by Richard so it sounded like he was calling her a cunt and things like that.
Howard got back to Mike and asked him about this story that was in Star magazine about Lindsay Lohan having a secret lesbian affair. Mike said it's actually out in the open now and she's doing stuff in public. Mike and Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard said Lindsay and the chick look hot together. The girl Lindsay is going out with is the daughter of Mick Jones but no one was quite sure about all of the details. Artie was goofing on Mike about the gay stuff he knows but Mike said it was tough to fight back against him.
Howard asked Mike about this Alec Baldwin thing but Mike said that he doesn't cover anything that involves kids so he said that the big loser in that whole thing was the kid. He said he does have a limit and it's the kid thing. He said that they have done some stories about kids who are under 18 but it depends on the kind of story. They did one about Soleil Moon Frye when she had a breast reduction but they didn't print it right away.
Howard had Mike get to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Jon Hein his Wrap Up Show rundown after that. Jon mentioned the game the kids played today and how his kids lost to Gary's kids. They spent a minute talking about that and also about how Gary's son Lucas was saying that he doesn't like playing football. Howard wanted Lucas to come in there to talk about it. He asked Jackson if he thinks that it's wrong that his father forces him to play. Jackson said it is kind of wrong.
Lucas said that football is tough and he really doesn't like getting hit. He said that he kind of does it for his dad. He might be the water boy instead. Gary said that it's kind of confusing for him because Lucas says he wants to play sometimes and then other days he says he doesn't want to. Gary said there's a fine line you have to walk to figure out when to let the kid quit. He said he let Lucas play last year and told him he could play this year if he wanted to. Now he's been saying that his mother doesn't want him to play.
Lucas said that he really doesn't want to play. Robin said that the kids have to learn to make a decision and realize that when they make that decision, they have to stick with it. Howard asked him if he'd rather bet on sports like Uncle Artie does. Lucas said that betting isn't that smart. He told Artie it was stupid that he lost $38,000 when he told him about that. Lucas was also saying that he might play flag football or go back to skateboarding or playing drums.
Gary said he thinks that Lucas doesn't like getting yelled at by the coaches. Lucas said it's that and getting hurt. He said he loves baseball too though. Howard said that Jackson plays and he's careful playing. Jackson said he plays center on his team. Howard wrapped up with the guys and told them to come to him whenever they have a problem with their father.
Artie asked the kids if they know their dad's nickname. They knew it was Baba Booey and they even know the story behind it. Lucas said that he saw a bobble head of Baba Louie in his father's office and it was right next to an Oreo Barbie doll. Howard wrapped up with the kids after that and told them that he's like a genie that comes out of a bottle and solves their problems so they can come to him at any time. Howard said he's going to be over at their house this weekend so he'll play with them then.
Gary said that he left his kids with Sal and Richard for about an hour and it was kind of scary. Howard said he'd rather leave his kids with a midget clown rapist before leaving them with Sal and Richard.
Jon Hein got back to his show preview and mentioned a few more things they'll be covering today. After that Howard had Mutt on the phone to preview the Superfan Roundtable. They have a couple of special guests and they'll be talking about a bunch of stuff that's been going on with the show lately.
Howard said that Sal's son was running around with a big Gary mask on his face. Gary said that Sal made Jackson put it on as well and he didn't like that. Sal claimed that it was Jackson's idea though. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
They spent a few minutes talking about Alec Baldwin and playing some audio clips form a movie he did. They talked about how he's trying to get out of his contract with ''30 Rock'' so he can try to be a better father and what a ridiculous thing that is.
Robin went through the rest of her stories and Howard ended the show around 10:55am. Artie quickly mentioned that he's on HBO's ''Entourage'' this Sunday night as they were ending the show.
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Howard started off the show talking about the guests they had coming in. They had LL Cool J coming in and Daniel Carver doing some movie reviews. He quickly mentioned that and then went to a break which was edited out of this Master Tape Theatre.
Howard said that they should have this guy Trevor Reese Jones who was Dodi Al-Fayed's bodyguard in the Princess Diana crash. He said they might be able to get the phone to him but they have to act quick and talk to him as soon as they get him the phone. He said they had to sneak a phone into him.
Howard had the guy on the phone a short time later and spoke to this Trevor Reese Jones (being played by Crackhead Bob). Howard asked him what happened that night with Lady Di. ''Trevor'' told Howard that he as driving that night and then made a noise which was the car crashing. Howard asked him if the driver was drunk. Bob said he was and he let him drive because he wanted him to drive drunk. He also said that he wanted Dodi to be his boyfriend and that he was jealous of Diana.
Howard asked ''Trevor'' about the paparazzi following them around all the time. He said that they had jumped in front of the car and that they were going about 120 miles per hour when that crash happened. Howard asked about what was going on in the car at the time of the crash. Bob said that they were having sex and made some sex-like noises to describe it. He also said there was a song on the radio that he had created for them. He even sang some of the song for Howard. The lyrics were very simple... ''I love you and you love me.''
Howard asked Robin if she had any other questions for him. She couldn't come up with anything so Howard just asked about what Lady Di's final answers were. He just moaned. He also said that Dodi's final words were ''Oh, ohh, ohhhh.'' He also didn't know that they had died so he started to cry. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard hung up on Big Black and said that he can listen to just about anything when they're talking about him that but that show was awful. He said maybe it's funnier when you see the video but he couldn't take it.
Howard asked about one of the movies he did and Joey said that shot that one with this guy William Hickey but the guy ended up dying. Howard talked about that guy and how he wanted him to play Imus in his movie ''Private Parts.''
Joey said that he has done a lot of movies for HBO and has worked with some people like Dom Deluise and Lou Ferrigno. Howard asked him what that movie was about where he worked with Lou Ferrigno. Joey talked about Lou and Dom a little bit but didn't mention the movie. Howard said that movie will probably never be seen. Howard made fun of Lou's speech and goofed on him for a little while. Joey told Howard about the movie and what parts the guys play in it. After hearing about the movie Howard said it must be something else to watch. He muted his voice and let Joey Ramble on a little bit. Then he asked Joey what part he plays. Joey said he plays himself.
Howard thought that the movie was about gangsters and thought it was an old-time gangster movie but Joey said it's a modern day gangster movie. Howard said he had to get rid of this guy and asked Joey why he called. Joey said he just wanted to let them know what he was up to. Howard figured the producers of the movie put him up to it. Howard wrapped up with Joey a short time later and let him go.
Howard said that everyone is a movie star these days. He took another call from a guy who asked him why he's making fun of Lou Ferrigno. He said if Lou was there he'd break Howard in half. Howard did his impression of Lou again and goofed around with that for a short time. The caller told Howard he was a dick for doing that and hung up on him. Howard stayed in character for a few seconds and said they really have to see that movie.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just got to see his movie and really loved it. She said she wasn't able to get to the movies to see it in the theaters. She said that she thought that Bryant Gumbel made a bit of a prejudiced comment during a show he was on and she didn't like what he said. Howard ended up hanging up on her because she was being ridiculous. She had mentioned she was on the phone to Hard Copy trying to get them to cover it so Howard goofed on her about that. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
Howard talked about how nutty Joey Buttafuoco was when he called in. He did an impression of him and goofed on him a little bit. He said when they come back they'll have LL Cool J and a bunch of other stuff. He went to commercial right after that.
Howard said that in LL's book he talks about being a porn addict. Robin and Howard said that's an odd thing to be addicted to. They goofed on him about that. Howard asked him if he's into snuff films and stuff like that. LL didn't know such a thing existed so Howard told him about what they are. He explained to him how these snuff films are for real and they had a guy call them yesterday talking about one that he had made. Howard said they didn't believe it existed and wanted to see what he was talking about. They were going to have him come to the studio today but then Tom Chiusano said he had spoken to a lawyer and he was warning them not to view the film. If they had watched it and saw a real murder, they could get into trouble over it. Howard said he didn't see how he'd be in trouble if he had nothing to do with the murder. He said Tom is an idiot but now he's afraid to have that guy up there.
Howard said that LL just won an MTV Video Vanguard award so he talked about that. He also brought up how LL has this thing where he wears his one pant leg up like a bike messenger does. He went on to talk about this book that LL has out now. He said LL's porn collection was up to about 20 pornos when he was addicted. He said that's nothing, he's got about 80 himself. LL didn't want to say exactly what he had in his collection though. Howard talked about how Jackie likes to see dudes in pornos but he'd rather see two women going at it so he can pretend that he's in there with them. Robin told LL that Howard also likes to watch some S&M stuff as well.
Howard said his favorite stuff is this Master Bill guy who runs this torture farm. He explained some of the stuff he's seen in those movies but LL seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. He didn't know the movie but he had an idea of what it might be like. Howard continued to talk about how bad looking this Master Bill guy is and how he ties women up and whips them. He said he takes one woman and puts her breasts in a vice. Fred was playing some whipping sound effects while Howard was talking about it. LL was laughing at that and asking what was going on there. Howard told him that's for the audience so listening to the radio is like watching TV.
Howard asked LL if he would watch the whole film when he was addicted to the porn. LL said he only needed a little bit, he didn't need to see the whole thing. That got Howard back into the addiction thing with LL. LL said that he used to steal porn when he was a kid. He would also watch the porn about 5 or 6 times a day because he was so addicted to it. He said he wasn't really addicted to sex, it was just watching the porn that he was addicted to. LL asked Howard if he's got a hiding place for his porn and if he has satellite just for the porn channels. Howard said he does have satellite but it's not like he's watching it just for the porn.
Howard talked about how Robin likes to goof on him about the porn clips they watch but then she'll want to see the clips. He told LL about this Japanese porn movie he's seen where they ask women to do really weird stuff like taking an enema and then relieving themselves on a surf board.
Howard told LL about how Robin actually rented an instructional video to learn how to do oral for one of her men. LL had some fun making some gurgling sounds and some humming noises for her. Howard asked LL if he would always wear a condom when he was with women. He said he would but they'd pop sometimes. LL said that he got to experience a lot of women before he got married and claims he got it all out of his system. Howard asked him how many women he had before he got married. LL wasn't sure and he didn't know if he should say 200 or 2000. He said he actually had a guy at the concerts he would do and he'd ask that guy to go out and pick the girls out of the audience for him if he liked them. He said he didn't disrespect the girls really. Howard said he did though because he would bang them just once and not call them again. LL said they did the same thing to him though.
Howard read that LL's father shot his mother and grandfather after his mother left him. He said she was tired of getting beaten by his father so she left and he went after her. LL said that he had to prepare to talk about that stuff and was joking around so he wasn't quite ready for that stuff. Howard said they were going to joke around about that as well though. Howard read that LL was 4 years old at the time of this shooting. LL wanted Fred to play some serious music while he told that story. Fred played some for him so LL talked about how he had walked into the room and found his mother in a pool of blood and his grandfather's stomach hanging out.
LL said his father shot his mother in the back because she had tried to close the door on him and fell down. He said his father didn't go to jail for it either. He said the guy is still around to this day but he doesn't talk to him at all. LL said his mother didn't want to go after him because she was so forgiving. He also said that his father actually ended up managing him later on in his life. He said that didn't work out that well because his father mishandled his finances and he ended up losing the money he had made.
Howard said he had some phone calls to take. LL was afraid he was going to hear from Crackhead Bob or someone like that. Howard took a call from a guy who asked LL if he wanted to do a freestyle rap over a Police song like some other rapper had done. Howard didn't get why he would ask LL to do something that's already been done. He moved on and played some clips of some homeless people asking some questions. LL started laughing when he heard the questions. One was about Mike Tyson being railroaded and the next was about OJ Simpson and if he had been set up. That led to LL and Howard talking about OJ for a short time. Howard played another clip where the homeless guy asked him if he'd ever do a rap song with OJ. LL was still laughing and just gave goofy answers to all of the questions.
Howard gave LL another plug for his book and said it looks like he's got a nice physique in there. He was asking LL to take his shirt off but LL was laughing and saying he would if he had to. Howard said LL had to get out of there because he had some other shows to do this morning. He was doing Good Morning America and then Regis and Kathie Lee. Howard told him that Kathie Lee won't like the porn addiction thing and explained to LL that Kathie Lee's husband Frank Gifford claimed that he was addicted to porn. He told LL to bring that up on the show this morning. He wrapped up with him a short time later and played some more of the song from the Private Parts soundtrack as they went to break.
Howard took some guesses at who the guy was but every guess was a joke. Robin said it was actually Larry King in the clip. Howard then went into another audio clip where this guy is telling a woman how to make her breasts grow while she sleeps. The guy tells the women to think that they're bigger and they will get bigger. Howard said they have a guy doing it because women will pay attention to him over a woman.
Joey said that he wasn't upset about any of this stuff and this is ridiculous. Marky said that he's glad that the band broke up when it did because it was time. Joey said he heard that Marky was bad mouthing him in his shows these days but Marky denied doing that. He said Joey is just jealous of him because he has his own band.
Howard asked Marky what was said on the internet that Joey was talking about. Joey said that Marky had written some stuff about him on the internet and he likes sending that stuff out to everyone. Howard said he'd like to do a People's Court thing with them and have Judge Judy in there to handle the case.
Marky told Robin that she looks great now that she's on that diet she's on. He said he was on the same diet and it worked for him as well. Joey told Howard that this is all ridiculous and he can't believe they woke him up to do this. Howard asked him if he wanted to apologize to Marky over this stuff. Joey did say that Marky isn't a drunk. He said he had some drinking problems himself. Marky said that he helped Joey get sober but Joey denied that and said it wasn't true. The two of them went back and forth arguing and not getting anything out of it.
Joey asked if he could go back to bed. He said that Marky isn't a drunk and that was it. Then Joey said that Marky wears a wig so they started to fight again. Howard asked Marky if that was true. He said it wasn't true but Joey insisted that it was true. The two of them continued to argue about that for a short time. They said that they used to be good friends but Joey said that Marky turned out to be two faced and that's why they're not so friendly now.
Howard said he was shocked about the wig comment and wondered if it was true that people were making fun of Marky at the Lollapalooza concert like Joey was saying. Marky said that wasn't true and went back and forth with Joey on that. Marky said that Joey can't get any girls because they're repulsed by him. Joey said he had 3 girls in bed with him right then.
After arguing for a few minutes both Joey and Marky said that they should apologize to each other. Marky wanted to do it at the same time after counting it down. He did the countdown and both of them remained silent. They wouldn't apologize to each other. They tried again and Joey apologized to Marky about whatever it was they were arguing about. Joey said that Marky has put a lot of stuff on the internet about him but Howard told them that they had just apologized so maybe they should get over it. Joey was going to talk about it but Marky wanted him to forget about it. Howard told him not to forget about it and to talk about it with him. They weren't giving details though so Howard wrapped up with them a short time later. Howard gave Marky some plugs for his band and let him talk about that a little bit before letting them go. He thanked them for calling in and both of them told Howard they like Howard. Joey did Marky one better and said that he loves Howard. Howard told them both to go back to bed and let them go.
Howard said that was a great call with them fighting the way they were. He took a call from a woman who said that she felt it was necessary to call in and say that she would like to be killed in a snuff film. Howard asked her what's up with that. She said that she'd like the death to take a long time and hopes to be there during it. She said that she doesn't think that there's any other way to get that feeling. Howard asked her if she's polish and she said she actually is. He said he had a feeling she was after some of the things she said.
Howard spent a short time talking to this woman about the snuff film thing and figured she was making a joke about the whole ting. He eventually bailed out of the call and said that it couldn't possibly be real. He went to break after that.
Howard said he was riding an exercise bicycle the other day and when he does that, sometimes he can't feel his penis after the ride. It turns out they're doing a report about that on 60 Minutes this week. He also quickly mentioned that he had a clip of Steve and Edie Gourmet performing a cover of ''Black Hole Sun'' so he started to play that. He wanted to hear the original song first so he stopped that and played this ''Lurch'' song that was put out in the 60s when The Addams Family was a big hit. He played a little bit of that and then got back to the ''Black Hole Sun'' thing. Gary came in with the wrong song so Howard goofed on him and then went to the phones. Daniel Carver was there so Howard told him to hold on for a minute so he could prepare for his segment.
Howard got a hold of Soundgarden's ''Black Hole Sun'' song and played that for the people who didn't know the song. He said he wanted to fast forward to the rockin part because that's what he likes about the song. Howard sang along with it a little bit and then went to the Steve and Edie Gourmet version. He said it was a big goof. He listened to a little bit of it waiting for it to start rockin out but it never happened. Howard tried to fast forward through it but the CD started to stutter. He gave up on that and said he had too many other things to get to.
Howard took a call from a woman who had no idea that she was on the air. She said that she wanted to talk about the stuff he was saying about Princess Diana yesterday. She didn't think he had her on the air because she was listening to her radio and didn't hear herself. Howard goofed on her and kept saying ''douche bag says what?'' She didn't fall for it though. She wanted to talk to him off the air but Howard tried to tell her he doesn't do that. She insisted so Howard just put her on hold.
Howard had Daniel talk about the movies he was going to be reviewing today. One of them was ''A Time To Kill'' so Daniel talked about that one a little bit. He said it was an anti-white movie. He gave that movie a zero burning crosses rating. He said the scene in the movie where there were some white guys raping a black girl and that never happens in real life.
Daniel told Howard he gave his movie ''Private Parts'' a four burning crosses rating because he really enjoyed it. He also gave a zero burning crosses rating to the movie ''The Ghost of Mississippi'' as well. Howard asked him how he liked being a movie reviewer. Daniel said that he really likes talking to Howard and claims that Howard calls him off the air all the time and orders stuff from his catalog.
Howard said that Daniel must have been upset about the two cops who took the toilet plunger to the black guy's ass. Daniel said that the one thing he hates more than black people are the ''po-lice.'' He said they do that stuff every day. Howard asked him if the cops are even lower than the Jews. Daniel said that no cops or Jews had better show up at his house. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had the problem with the bike seat and now he has to go to the doctor every 6 months to have his prostate checked. Howard talked about some of the other things he does to work out and how they don't really help him at all. He always hurts himself when he does any kind of exercise.
Howard wondered when he was going to be doing his press conference. Gary told Howard to go to break and he'd have the Louisville press conference ready to go. Howard told him he wasn't ready to go to break so he told him to just let him know when he was ready to go.
Howard took a few phone calls and let some nutty callers ramble on and on. He had to hang up on a couple. One woman said that she had a black girlfriend and she just lost her. Howard asked her about what she looks like and found out that she's black herself. Howard asked her about what she looks like and spent a few minutes on that. Howard talked to her about what she wears when she sleeps with this other girl. The caller explained how she got to know this girl and how she got into the relationship with her.
the caller went through the details about how she came on to the other girl and eventually kissed her. She said they used to just sleep together and eventually fell in love with the other girl. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard went through some other interviewers and let them ask him their dopey questions. Howard asked the guys to kick one of the guys in the nuts for his dopey comments. He talked about why he goes on all of these stations around the country. One guy asked him if he likes going on the web to get his porn. Howard said it takes too long to download stuff when he could just be watching it on video.
Howard bailed out of that press conference a short time later. He said that he actually likes it better when the reporters are angry.