Howard started off the show talking about how he was sick with his season change cold that he gets every year. He said he was going to call in sick but he was afraid the fans would start calling in and complaining. He said he started to get the scratchy throat on Friday night and then woke up on Saturday morning with the cold. He said he knows it's going to last about 2 weeks like it does every year.
Artie said if he just took a day off to rest he might get better sooner. Robin told him he rested all weekend. Artie was just trying to get another day off. Howard said he doesn't mind being sick as long as he can talk. He said he feels like he can't give it his best when he's sick so that's why he's so upset.
Howard changed subjects and said that Sal had a major incident over the weekend. He ended up hurting himself and he's been in the hospital for the whole weekend. Artie said that it must have been the Baba Booey angels that took care of him because he was doing his Baba Booey mask thing when the accident happened.
Artie said that Sal wanted to do his Baba Booey Dance on stage at this comedy show he was at. He said he did like 40 minutes and then had Sal come out and do the dance. The song came on, Sal dance around with his Baba Booey mask on. The stage was about 7 feet high off the arena floor there. It was all dark there so Sal was going back and forth and got nuttier and nuttier. Then Gary walked out and toward Sal and Sal fell off the stage into this abyss of blackness. Artie said he saw Sal writhing around in pain on the floor. He said he was glad he was moving at all. It turns out Sal broke his wrist really bad and also hurt his ribs.
Howard said they had some video (YouTube.com) to show in the studio. He had them play that and then Gary came in and said that Sal wanted him to come out and rip the mask off his face while he was dancing. That's what he was doing at the time when he fell. Artie said that the crowd went nuts with that whole thing.
Howard said that Sal is really fucked up bad. His wrist is broken really bad and they had to put a metal plate in there. He said it looks like Sal and his wife have this really bad relationship and it turns out Sal was staying down in Florida trying to get more rest because he can get more down there than at home. She actually told him to stay there thinking that he was sick with a virus when it turns out it was actually the medication he was taking for the pain.
Gary said that those guys live in another world down there. He said that stuff is way too wacky for him. He said the guys and their wives are out at strip clubs and the wives are kissing and stuff. He gave Howard an example and said it would be like his wife making out with Beth and Fred's wife getting in on it as well.
Robin said she heard that Brent's wife went over to some women and asked if they wanted to get involved in a threesome or something. Gary said they call that ''the mixin'' on Bubba's show. Robin told some other stories about Bubba's wife telling another woman that when she was giving her husband a blow job later that night, she hoped it would be great. That freaked out the other woman and apparently ruined the whole night.
Artie said that Bubba and his guys live in some nice homes down there too. Howard said he heard about Bubba's house that's worth a couple of million according to Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said they're living like kings down there and he's not sure why the places are cheaper down there. Howard tried to figure out why it costs so much more up in the New York area. Gary said there's a radio guy they know, Jay, who told him to bring people up from North Carolina to build a house instead of having local guys build it.
Howard said that Howard TV has a lot of footage from down in Florida and they'll turn that into a show. Artie talked about one thing that Bubba was doing down where they threw shit into a fan. He also said that they had 3 19 year olds on the show when he was on with them on Thursday. One of the girls was just about blind drunk and they were trying to hook him up with one of the girls.
Gary said that Richard threw out an idea to Bubba that he loved. IT was really out there though. He explained that Richard told him that they should jerk off a horse and collect the load in a bucket and throw that into a fan. He was also suggesting that they have guys stick their dicks in fire ants and stuff.
Howard said that Gary was down in Florida and this hot chick was running around the pool. It turns out it was the same hot chick that was at Artie's comedy show recently. Gary said he was staring at her ass because it was like a work of art and her fiancé caught him looking. He had to laugh and explained that he couldn't help it.
Artie said that he hired that chick to come out to hand out at this signing he was doing down there. He said the guy is a very nice guy and he would never try to make the move on the chick. Howard said the Howard TV guys had some video of her so he had them play that. Howard said she really is hot when he saw her. Gary said that the guys were so angry at how hot she was until she came over and said hello to them.
Artie said that the whole thing with the hot chick was weird. He said they did end up selling a shit load of his DVDs down there. The Howard TV guys were showing some video of the woman selling the stuff at the arena they were at for the comedy show. Artie said that the girl is really sweet and so was her friend. He said the friend was hot but standing next to this girl, she didn't look quite as hot. He said it must be tough for a broad to hang out with the hot chick.
Artie said he was trying to hook up with Akira down there in Florida. Howard explained that he saw Rev. Bob Levy eating out Akira's asshole. The Howard TV guys played some video of that as well. Howard wondered what Bob gets out of doing something like that. Gary said maybe he thinks that it's the beginning of getting something started. Howard said he heard that Bob was chasing after her like a dog in heat. Richard said Bob was looking at her like she was a piece of meat and he was a starving dog. Richard said she's up for just about anything too so Bubba picked the right girl for his show.
Artie said that Bob was doing that stuff on the bus and some people would say that she would fuck anyone if they just asked. Others would say that Spice Boy and her have something going on. He said that they went out on Saturday night with Bubba on his 60 foot boat. That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie the Limo Driver has a new personality that he calls Ronald. He's changed since Robin called him an assholes. Richard said that Ronnie returned when they went out to a strip club and he started drinking again.
Artie said they went out on this boat with Bubba and Akira was on there wearing just about nothing. The guys who know her just pull her top off and show off her tits. She may has well have not worn anything. He said that she gave him her number and called her back that night but wasn't able to get in touch with her. He said he keeps hearing different stories about her and Spice Boy so he's not sure he needs that drama. He didn't end up hooking up with any of the girls on Bubba's show.
Gary said Bubba was asking him about why Artie isn't into that stuff. Howard said that maybe the girls aren't into it either. Ronnie came in so Howard asked him about the 'Ronald' thing. Ronnie said he was just joking around with that down there. Artie said there was one point when Ronnie grabbed some chick to take her on stage and she ended up hitting her knee on the chair. Ronnie said that he was just having some fun and that's what the woman wanted to do.
Ronnie said that Richard is an asshole too. He said when they were at the strip club the deejay there knew him so he asked him if he wanted to do his thing on the microphone. Richard said that the people there didn't know who Ronnie was so they were all looking at him like he was an asshole. Ronnie gave Richard a couple of ''fuck yous'' for talking about that stuff.
Howard cut off Ronnie and said he had heard enough. Artie brought up Sal again. Howard said that he's lucky to be alive from what he's heard. Shuli said that Joey Boots was down there and he got some video of the fans rushing up to see if Sal was dead or not. Then he said that he went out to talk to Gary outside and the fans were walking by and doing their Elliot Offen impressions.
Howard took a call from a guy who examined Sal right after the fall. Gary said that this guy Neil is Rappin Granny's manager and he was back stage earlier in the evening. They had ripped his toupee off and was stomping on it. The guy was being treated like crap but then he was helping him out when he fell and broke his wrist. Artie said that Neil is a good guy and he doesn't think that he should wear a toupee. He said it would look more natural if he didn't wear one. They had the wig on Shuli at one point and he looked pretty good.
Howard said Neil's head looks weird. Neil said that it's actually glue that he was seeing. Richard said he could actually see the nylon mesh in the wig so that's when he wondered what was up with that. Neil said that Sal was actually signing autographs as he was leaving the event with the broken wrist. Howard let Neil go a short time later.
Bobo had also mentioned the Sal and his wife show where she was shooting him in the ass with paintballs. Howard said that Sal and his wife were on the Wrap Up Show talking about their relationship. He played a clip from the show where Sal and his wife were discussing the song parodies he sings about her. In another clip Sal's wife asks Sal if he believes what he says when he's on that show. Howard heard that and said that Sal sounds retarded in those clips. Shuli said that Sal thinks that he can sell his comments to anyone and he just keeps going.
In another clip Gary asks Sal about only being happy when they're apart. Sal then goes into one of his classic explanations and talks about how they're stuck with themselves forever. The guys goofed on him about that a little bit. Then Gary told a story about Sal talking about this one time he sang a karaoke song at a family reunion which had the word 'cunt' in it. The guys talked about some of his other crazy behavior down in Florida and around the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him why he's not suing all of the game shows out there who are ripping him off. Howard said that the ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' show is one that really burns his ass. He said they've done that show for many years and over the weekend he went out to eat with some family and they were asking him some questions from that show. He said he may just have to sue over it because he's got it on tape showing that they've been doing it for many years.
Howard said he doesn't even want the money, he just wants the recognition for creating these shows. The people who claim to have created it give him no credit at all. Robin said there's another show coming out where a virgin will get to fuck a porn star. That show hasn't been picked up at this point but it is getting shopped around according to Robin. The caller said something about Robin's big black titties as he was getting off the line but Robin didn't seem too thrilled about that.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said his wife loves Sal after he fell off that stage down in Florida. Howard said that he's really lucky he didn't break his back when he fell. Howard said Sal might have to take that fall at every show from now on because it was such a hit. Robin wondered if this is going to lead to him getting addicted to pain killers.
John Boy called in and told Howard that Sal might be trying to get a raise by going through all of this stuff. He got shot with paintballs on Thursday and then went and fell off the stage breaking his wrist just two days later.
The caller said that Shuli bombed on stage down there in Lakeland. He said he got booed off stage. Shuli said that Gary was his warm-up and the crowd turned on him. Howard had some tape of Gary doing his opening act. In the clip Gary introduces the guys and jokes about each one of them. He was joking about Sal's make-up when the crowd turned on him and started to boo him. Gary goes on and jokes about Richard and Shuli but the crowd continued to boo him after each joke.
Howard said he kind of liked Gary's jokes. He continued to play the audio and the crowd booed every single joke he told. Gary then introduced Brent and Bubba who just went up and said hi instead of trying to do comedy. Artie said he liked that Gary tried to give it a try with some jokes. Shuli said that you can't pause during the show with a crowd like that. Gary said that Artie seemed to be upset with him when he went back stage. Artie was asking him why he had used one of the jokes because it was so old.
Gary said that doing that comedy stuff is a horrible way of making a living. Artie said it really is horrible. They shared a couple of stories about being back stage and worrying about getting on stage and then getting booed when they finally do get up there. Artie was also saying that they didn't have the show set up the right way so he had hardly any down time while he was there in Florida.
Gary said that they had everyone riding a bus to the comedy show. He said that he wouldn't have thought any different of Artie if he had taken a separate car. The Howard TV guys had some video from the bus and it looked like mayhem.
Gary said there was moment during the comedy show where Artie got pissed at a comment from an audience member who called Dana a whore. Artie threatened to shove a glass in the guy's head and he said he wouldn't mind spending a year in jail for doing that. Then Artie said that no one calls Dana a whore... except for him.
Howard asked the guys if they got to see Bubba's wife's boobs down there. They did get a quick glimpse of them. Artie said that her tits are great too. He was telling Howard about Akira and how great she looked with the bikini top on. She never takes off her top herself, the other guys from Bubba's show just rip it down. Robin said she heard that Heather got upset when Howard said that Angie Everhart was hotter than her. Howard said that she's a supermodel though.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about some of the other crazy stuff that went on down there on Bubba's show and stuff like that. Doug Goodstein came in to explain what was going on with this Akira and Hamil on Bubba's show.
Gary said that there was one moment on the bus where Bob and Hamil were going to kiss Akira but when Akira pulled away Bob and Hamil kissed. The Howard TV guys had video of that but Bob didn't look like he was as into it as Gary made him out to be. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he was playing chess and watching TV over the weekend. He said that he caught up on the episodes of ''Lost'' that he had been missing. He said it was a huge waste of time because they answer nothing on the show. He said that the one person who should be on the island is Sanjaya.
Howard had this woman Deborah Morisini on the phone. She's Dana Reeve's sister. Howard explained who she is and how great Dana was. He said it's such an irony that she died of cancer after Chris died. Deborah said that their son is doing very well and living with family and friends. She said he's got a great sense of humor and he's dealt with all of that stuff very well.
Howard said he can't imagine losing both of his parents the way he did. His parents were so great so it must have made it tougher for him. The kid is only 14 years old but Deborah said that he's very tall like Chris was. She said it's really not fair that he lost his parents. Deborah said it's a huge tribute to them that he's turned out so well. Howard figured the kid would be angry after all of this stuff but Deborah said that he seems to be fine.
Howard asked Deborah what they did with Dana and Chris' belongings after they passed. She said that the stuff stays in the family. The two sisters kept Dana's clothing and they still share that stuff. Howard asked if they found anything kinky. She wouldn't say so Howard talked about how paranoid he is that someone might find the stuff he has. He said he has some pictures and stuff that he wouldn't want his family to see. Deborah said that he might want to have someone special lined up to go through that stuff for him. Someone neutral instead of a family member.
Deborah said that she wouldn't tell Howard if she found anything kinky. She changed the subject and talked about how big of a fan Dana was and how much fun she had on the show when she did it. Howard asked her what they did with Chris' wheelchair. She said that they were thinking of giving it to the Smithsonian but they're apparently putting up a fuss over the whole thing.
Howard asked Deborah about her life. She said that she's married with kids and she's a pathologist. The guys weren't sure what that was so she explained it a little bit. She said that she went to the same college that Howard went to, Boston University. Howard wondered if she was hot. She said that all of the sisters are good looking.
Howard said that Deborah was calling in for something very important. She was promoting this ScreenForLungCancer.org web site. She explained to Howard that a lot of people are getting lung cancer and they're not even smokers. She said that if you catch the lung cancer early, you have a better chance of survival. She said they're looking for donations as well. Lung cancer is the biggest killer of cancers.
Robin asked how Dana found out that she had lung cancer. Deborah said that she had a mild cough and some shoulder pain so she went to get checked out and they found it. Howard said he always wanted Dana to date after Chris died. He hoped that she got to have sex with someone else before she died. Deborah said that Dana had a great private life and she hinted that she may have dated someone after that. Howard said he was going to read between the lines and figured that she had dated someone else. Deborah said she never said she did.
Howard gave Deborah another plug for the web site and then let her go a short time later. He and the guys continued to talk about Dana for a short time. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin was talking over Deborah the whole time. Howard thought Robin was good during the whole interview. Robin said she barely said anything during the interview.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy complained about Gary covering up his camera when he was getting yelled at. Lisa G said that they're going to be covering Beth's appearance on The View tomorrow. Howard said that Beth is very nervous about doing that show. He told Lisa not to tell Beth she's going to be there because it'll make her even more nervous. He's seen her on Good Morning America and she does very well on that show. He said that she's got a dress all picked out and she'll be looking really good. He said that she's not going to have her boobs hanging out or anything like that.
Howard said that his father and Beth were going over some topics when they were hanging out over the weekend. He said Beth is ready for anything they throw at her tomorrow. He said they were talking about everything from politics to how seals are killing off the salmon population. He said his father was suggesting that they kill off the seals to save the salmon population. Howard said his father would have been a great radio guy because he has such definite opinions like that. He said that Beth is very prepared for that show.
Beth called in and corrected Howard about the seals thing. She said it was sea lions, not seals. Beth also asked Lisa not to be at The View tomorrow because she didn't ask for that. She really doesn't want her there. Howard asked Beth some test questions and threw out a question about John Edwards. She said she won't get into politics with the girls on that show. She said she wants to talk about Anna Nicole Smith and stuff like that.
Howard asked Beth how Howard Stern is ruining American Idol. Beth is against the whole Sanjaya thing and she doesn't think it's right that they're campaigning for him to stay on. Howard also mentioned that Beth wants to see Bubba's wife's boobs. She told him to have Bubba forward them to her.
Artie said he didn't think they had talked enough about Bubba's house down in Florida. He went on to describe the nice gym he has and the pool and all of that stuff. He described the kitchen, the theater, the apartment he has upstairs. He said the theater has 8 TVs so you can watch any game that's on. He said the 4 year old kid has a go-cart that he drives and it's like a professional cart.
Beth said that John Lithgow will be on The View with her so she wondered if they had ever had him on the show. Howard thought they had but no one else remembered that. Howard interrupted and said that Eric the Midget was on the phone to discuss the Sanjaya thing. He told Beth that she should withhold sex from Howard until he stops this campaign. Beth isn't that upset about it.
Beth asked if they think Sanjaya knows that he's being made fun of. Eric said that he thinks that he does and mentioned some bit they did on Saturday Night Live about him but no one had seen that. Beth said she's more worried about Sanjaya as a person than the tour being ruined like Eric is. Howard said that Sanjaya is loved by young girls and they really like the guy so it's not just the show that's pushing for him to stay on the show.
Beth said that she was going to withhold sex from Howard but Howard told her that he'd hold out and just beat off if he had to. He said Beth really can't live without his sex though.
Howard said that she's going to be sitting in for Barbara Walters so Elisabeth will be there. She's worried about how that might go. Artie told her to just start off each reaction to her with ''Listen shit head...'' Beth sounded a little horrified by that. Howard said he thinks that she'll actually be fine on the show with Elisabeth. They said that Rosie has been cool to Howard lately as well. Artie said he may even watch the show tomorrow.
Beth said that she thinks she'll be doing a spring cleaning segment with Rosie at the end of the show. Howard said that Beth loves cleaning and she won't even let the cleaning lady clean sometimes. He said he loves an organized home himself so it works out very well.
Howard said Johnny Fratto had some advice for Beth. He got Johnny on the line and said that he's heard that Elisabeth doesn't like dogs and that's the way she has to look at her. If she thinks about her that way, it will loosen her up. Howard thanked him for that and then took a call from Bong Hit Eric who was trying to adopt this dog that Beth was trying to get adopted. Howard said she might be afraid that he's ''Bong Hit'' Eric. Beth said she will try to make it happen. She suggested that they have Howard 100 News and go over and check out his house.
Artie mentioned that he had a couple of puffs of some weed down there in Florida and it was pretty amazing stuff. Howard said that Beth missed out on that but got to hang out with him over the weekend while he played chess.
Howard said the guys had just sent him an audio clip of Elisabeth Hasslebeck calling him ''dangerous'' on The View. He played the clip, which was a couple of years old, where she says that Howard had said something about Katherine McPhee's weight when she was on American Idol. She thought that Howard should have sent her an apology for that. Howard told Beth she should tell Elisabeth that he makes her puke up her meals and weighs her in every morning. That led to Artie saying that he's afraid he's going to be over 300 pounds today when they do the weigh in. Howard said they should do that next. He had to pee so he figured he had to take a break before doing the weigh in.
Gary said that the explanation really was lame and they should have come up with something more believable. Howard read more of the article and talked about that a little more. Howard said that the guy's life is changed for the better and maybe he will just sue the guy's ass into the ground. Howard figures the guy would claim that he never heard his show at all and had never even heard of him.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel sent him a note saying it would be great if they put a camera on Eric the Midget while he watches American Idol. Howard said that would be a great idea. Robin agreed.
Howard went to Artie and said that he has actually gained 7 pounds so far in the contest. Artie got on the scale and weighed in at the same as he did last week, 293 pounds. He hasn't stopped eating over the past month. Jon Hein has been trying to lose weight but he's having a tough time. Jon said he'd like to win that money but he's not sure why he can't lose that weight. He said he's been cutting back on the fast food and still can't lose. He got on the scale and came in at 249 pounds which was only a 1 pound loss. Mike Gange got on the scale next and came in at 244 which was just a one pound loss. Benjy, the biggest loser so far, got up on the scale and came in at 237 which was a 3 pound loss. Benjy said he was trying to gain weight for the week so that's why he wasn't that much less.
Tim Sabean and his team were up next. Tim got on and came in at 258 which was a 1 pound gain. He didn't believe that it was correct so he took his shoes off and still hit 258. Howard told him he's a disaster. Jason said he didn't think he had lost much of anything. He weighed in and came in at 250 which was a zero loss. Brian Phelan got on the scale next and came in at 231 which was a 5 pound loss. Brian said he was running around doing stuff the whole weekend and wasn't eating much. Scott the Engineer was up next. He came in at 245 which was a 5 pound loss.
Here's the history of the weight loss challenge so far...
Howard had a voice mail message from Sal who explained why he wasn't going to make it in this morning. Sal said his ribs were killing him and he was going to be going to the doctor. He told Gary to give him a call if he needed anything.
Robin asked if Sal hit something when he fell. Artie said he didn't expect the fall and it was just straight down to the concrete floor. Howard said he really is lucky to be alive at this point. They showed the video in the studio again and showed him falling off stage.
Howard mentioned they had Randy Spelling and Sean Stewart, Rod Stewart's kid, there to talk about their new reality show. He said he was going to take a break first but ended up talking about those two and also about some of the other stuff he had coming up today. He brought up Savanna Samson and Artie said he thinks that she could be their ''Akira'' if they groomed her the right way. Howard said she probably could be like that because she doesn't seem to have a problem getting naked in front of everyone on the show. They spent a minute on that before Howard went to break.
Howard asked Randy if he's set for life with the money his father left for him. He said he still has to work so he's not really set for life. He said he doesn't know all that much about the money but they have to disperse it over time and it's not all left just to the kids. His mother is still alive so she gets most of the money. He said he did get some money but it's not all that much. He said he could live on it for a while but not live the way he wants.
Howard asked Randy if he thinks that Tori is blowing it by getting into a fight with her father when he was dying. Randy said he thinks that some of it was for entertainment and some dirty laundry ended up getting aired. He said that she wasn't cut out of the will though. He said there really wasn't a feud going on there but Tori did avoid seeing their father for a while.
Howard asked Randy about the house that his father built and how nice that is. It's 56,000 square feet. Randy said his father didn't fly so his mother wanted him to have everything he wanted there at the house. Randy told Howard about the first car he had which was a GMC Typhoon with a $14,000 sound system in it. Randy also told Howard that he got laid for the first time when he was only 15 years old. He said he used to wrestle with Shannon Dougherty when she'd come over to visit the house. He said he always wanted to bang her. Sean said that his brother actually did bang her and was engaged to her. His brother is Ashley Hamilton.
Howard said it must be great to be Aaron Spelling's son with a hot sister. Randy said that his sister would like getting naked when she'd get drunk so he did see her naked. He said it was like seeing his sister naked and didn't think much of it. Artie joked that he's seen his sister naked and he thought she was fuckin hot. Howard asked Randy if the first chick he banged was famous. He said she wasn't, she was just from his high school. Randy said he has had some famous chicks and one time he felt used by this girl.
Howard heard that Randy had banged Paris Hilton. He said that was true and he was told he was her first. He said she was only 14 or 15 at the time. Howard said that's quite an accomplishment to have had someone like that for the first time. Randy said that he dated her for about 2 or 3 moths back then. Howard asked Sean if he banged either Paris or Nikki Hilton. He said that he put his fingers in Paris a few times but never got to bang her. He said he was probably with her around the same time that Randy was. He said he was 15 or 16 at the time when he was fingering her.
Howard said that it sounds like fun to grow up the kid of a famous person. Artie said that they were lucky they got her before Rick Solomon got her. Randy told a story about going to Palm Springs one time when he was in high school. They stayed at this hotel and smoked some of the craziest pot he'd ever had. He said Paris was out there and stayed with him the whole weekend. She had run away from her grandparents house without telling them that she was leaving. She was only about 14 or 15 back then and they were all hung over and wasted. He said her grandmother showed up at the hotel looking for Paris. Paris ended up hopping out the window and down the golf course that was by the hotel.
Howard said that all sounds like a lot of fun. He never had any fun like that himself. Gary said that he was reading an article about Paris where she claims she's only had sex with two guys in her life. If that's true it would be Rick Solomon and Randy. Howard said it sounds like Randy must have done her pretty good for that couple of months he was with her.
Howard asked Randy about the other conquests he's had over the years. Randy said that he had some chicks who were famous at the time but aren't so famous now. Howard read that Randy has gone to the Playboy mansion and hung out. Randy said that he was 18 when he went there for the first time. Howard asked Randy more about the kind of money his father left him. He asked if he had 10 million. Randy said no to that. Howard wondered if the mother is holding the money back from them. Randy said he thinks they were trying to teach the kids the value of money and they're not just going to give them everything they want.
Howard asked Randy if he bought his own house. Randy said that he just bought his own condo on his own. He said he used the money he made working as an actor and producer. Howard gave the guys a plug for the show that they're on called ''Sons of Hollywood.''
Randy and Sean weren't friends as kids but Sean used to prank call Randy when they were kids. He said that Paris would actually instigate the whole thing and make him prank call him. Howard asked Sean what it's like being the son of Rod Stewart. Sean said he knows that his father was a rock star and he had to go out and provide for his family. He said he saw his father every couple of months when he'd come around. He said he used to resent him when he was a kid but not so much anymore.
Sean talked about how he crashed his car into another car when he was on ecstasy one time. He said he had some other drug problems when he was younger. He said he's been to many rehabs and he's actually been sober for 2 months now. Robin said that's hardly sober. Sean said he's struggled over the years trying to stay off the stuff. Artie told a story about doing MAD TV and how this 19 year old kid gave him some weed that was amazing stuff. He figures that the ecstasy that Sean took must have been the good stuff out there in California.
Howard asked Sean if he ever thinks not to drive a car when he's on drugs. Sean said that his parents went off on him but he said Rod was telling him that he can get wasted, just don't drive a car when you do it. He said that his dad has been married so many times that he actually forgot names and faces. He said he wishes that he would stop having kids too. He said he wishes that it was just him and Kim that he had. He said it would be nice if it was just them and their parents were still together.
Sean said that he used to stare at Rachel Hunter when she would sun bathe nude by the pool. Howard said that must have been great. Sean never tried to make a move on Rachel though. Artie said he'd like to know what kind of hot regular chicks these guys are banging. Howard asked Sean what he was into a couple of months ago that he had to go to rehab for. Sean said he was just drinking. He has been in some other rehabs though. He also mentioned that he had a couple of blow jobs in rehab and got kicked out a couple of times. Sean said some gay dude tried hitting on him and ended up grabbing his penis so he ended up getting into a fight so they kicked him out. Howard had to bleep off the name of the guy he had mentioned.
Howard continued talking about the guy who had touched him but didn't mention the name. Artie said it was the funniest thing he had ever heard in his life. He said he could say something that would blow the whole conversation if he said it. Artie said the story would ruin his mother if he told it.
Howard asked Sean how old he was when he lost his virginity. He said he was 16 and he was in boarding school at the time because he was so bad in school. He said he got in trouble for selling pot. Howard asked him if his father is cheap like he's heard. Sean said ''no comment'' to that question. Robin took that as a yes.
Howard asked the guys if they banged each other's sisters. Randy said no real quick but Sean didn't say no right away. He eventually said that he never did anything with her. Howard asked Sean about a fight he got into at a club and how Dean Cain had broken up the fight. Sean said that guy is a real queer and he thinks he was acting like Superman that night.
Howard played some audio of Sean's song ''In Crowd'' which is the theme song to this TV show they're in, ''Sons of Hollywood.'' Howard said he liked the song and Sean claims that his father sings it sometimes. Howard said that the woman who is with Rod Stewart now is probably trying to make a play to get all of the money for her own kid. Sean didn't have too much to say about that.
Howard read that Sean is dating this Kaylie Peters who is the daughter of producer John Peters. She was there with him so Howard had them bring her in. Kaylie came in so Howard could talk to her a little bit. Howard said she was cute. He asked her if she's got any hot friends that they would know. She said that she's kind of friends with the Schwarzenegger kids. Howard said she must know weird things about famous people, he likes that. Kaylie said that a lot of her friends are normal and not famous.
Gary asked Kaylie about how old she is. She's 18 and still in high school and Sean is 27 years old. Kaylie is on spring break this week so that's how she got out of school to come to New York. Sean said that they're actually engaged and she has a ring on her finger. Howard told her she might want to date a few more people before she gets hitched. She said that's up to her though. They've been dating on and off for the past 2 years. Robin asked if they really think they should be married if they can't keep it together for 2 years. Artie asked if it was hard for the kids to talk to Robin... because she's a black woman who doesn't work for them. No one was sure what Artie was talking about though. He said that Kaylie was looking at Robin as if she wanted her to go get her car for her.
Howard said that ''Sons of Hollywood'' premieres Sunday night on A&E at 10pm. They have two episodes premiering that night. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sean if he ever saw Rachel taking a shit or anything like that. Sean didn't see anything like that. Artie said that's great when you don't see anything like that. Howard told them that's how to keep a relationship alive, don't shit in front of the other person. Kaylie said that Sean shits in front of her all the time. Sean said that's because he's comfortable with her.
Howard talked to the guys about how lucky they are that they're good looking. Sean said that if he was rich and fat like this one guy they know, he'd probably just shoot himself or go work at McDonalds.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Kaylie and found out that Pam Anderson had lived at her father's house for a while. She was saying that Pam Anderson and Katherine Zeta-Jones were dating him at the same time. Howard talked about that a little bit and then gave the guys another plug and took another call. Bong Hit Eric asked the guys who fucked them the best out of all of the famous chicks they had been with. Sean said it was Kaylie. Eric wanted a real answer out of them. Kaylie said that she made Sean wait for 2 years before she had sex with him. She's only 18 years old though so if she was only 16 at the time, he could get into some trouble. Sean said that he had sex on the side with other chicks during that time. Howard asked Randy if he could remember anyone good. Randy said no one famous came to mind. He prefers the regular chicks.
Howard took a call from a guy who reminded Howard about the time he called Rachel Hunter a fat cunt last year. Howard said he did have a problem with her but Sean agreed with him that she's not a nice person. Howard said he told her to her face that she was going to get voted off that Dancing with the Stars show. He wrapped up with the guys a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he had to get out of there because of his cold so he wanted to wrap things up. He had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they'll be talking about the power of Howard pushing for Sanjaya to stay on American Idol. That led Howard to play some audio clips from some news reports where they brought up his name as being part of the reason that Sanjaya is still on the show. Howard played part of a clip from one report but he couldn't take the host's banter so he bailed out and moved on to a report from Extra. They gave credit to Howard and to the young girls who are interested in him. Howard played another clip from an Indian news program. As that was playing Artie was doing his Indian accent goofing on one of the reporters who sounded very similar to his Indian impression. Howard started doing his and said that he thinks his is just as good as that reporter's.
Steve got back to his report and said that they now have ISDN lines installed at everyone's homes so they can do a show even if they can't get into work. Artie said that he'll never use his. He said that he has his next to his bed. Howard said his is in a closet and he hopes he never has to do it from his house. Howard said he's only a mile from SIRIUS so if there ever is a disaster or something, it's going to affect him.
Steve said that Bill Keller is doing a show on Howard 101 tonight at 7. He's a TV evangelist and he'll be talking to the Stern fans and some Wack Packers. Jeff the Drunk, Siobhan and Misty the Prostitute are all going to be live in the studio with Bill. Howard and Artie talked as if they were Keller and Jeff for a few seconds. Howard said this should be a good show with all of those people on the show.
Steve wrapped up his report and then Jon Hein came in to give his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through a couple of the things that went on during the show today that they'll be covering. Howard thanked him for that and was about to have Robin start her news. He had an article to read about the possible XM/SIRIUS merger from Forbes magazine. He quickly read through that and talked about how satellite radio is not a monopoly when you think about what it's actually competing against. He said that they're competing against iPods, terrestrial radio and more. He had Robin start her news a short time later.
Ralph called in and talked about a story that Robin had brought up. Howard argued with him about that a little bit but then he mentioned that Ralph called him last week to complain about his work schedule. He said Ralph wanted to go out to Los Angeles for a couple of weeks and do some shopping out there. He said he was thinking about this and Ralph hardly has to work at all but now he wants to take a vacation out in L.A. He told Ralph that he could do that during the two week vacations that he takes. He gets 10 weeks of vacation every year and Ralph could take his time off then. Ralph said that's not what he was going for there. He said he has important things to do out there and he can't sit around there for Howard's one day a week. Howard told him he should quit if that's the way he feels. He told Ralph that he's got to work just one day a week and if he can't be there, he should quit.
Artie said that Ralph is showing that he's really useless. Ralph said he doesn't want to have this argument on the air. Howard said he shouldn't have a serious conversation off the air because it's not his job to tell him if he can take vacation or not. He said that Ralph has taken a job and he should tell him what he wants to do. Ralph said he just wanted to get a reaction to his thoughts on this whole thing. He doesn't want to jeopardize his job. Howard told him to just be a man and do his job.
Howard told Ralph to go ahead and go out there. He finds it interesting that he puts him on the spot when he has so much time the rest of the year to go out there. Howard thinks he's looking for a paid vacation. Artie said it sounds like if Ralph has something important to do, it must be work related. Ralph said that it is work related and it has to do with Howard, but he wants more time out there.
Howard said he was laying in bed thinking about this shit and it's like he's putting him on the spot when he does this. He said Ralph knows it's wrong and he's just looking for his blessing on the whole thing. He said that he should do the same thing with Mel Karmazin and tell him he just wants 3 or 4 weeks away from the place. Ralph said that's apples and oranges.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Ralph is probably jealous that Howard got engaged so that's why he must be doing this. Howard thanked him for that and said they had to get back to Robin's news. Artie said that he though Ralph was going to be working a different career out there. He didn't know he was going to be shopping for Howard out there. Artie thought that was pretty crazy for Ralph to ask for that much time out there. Howard said he's looking to get paid while he goes out and hangs out with Sam Simon out there. Artie said he had to side with Howard on that.
Ralph said that he has some meetings he has to go to out there in L.A. Too. He is trying to get some other stuff going out there. Artie knew that's what he was talking about. He told Ralph that he should work around Howard's schedule though.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he has to talk to Ralph about this because he's not supposed to be able to tell him when he's taking off. He's employed by him as well. He said that he has to play by the rules and not just take 3 weeks off like that. Doug told him that he's going to have a conversation with Howard about this and its' going to affect his job. He said it's like Ralph's World, Ralph's Rules. Doug said he's going to talk to H.R. over this but Ralph made a comment about his kid which freaked Doug out. Doug told him that if he ever makes a comment about his kid he's going to beat his ass and then threw down his headphones.
Howard said that he thinks something else is going on and Ralph may have touched a nerve. Gary said there is something going on between Doug and Ralph so there's some friction there. Ralph said he was unaware of that. Gary said that there's some discussion about how Ralph gets paid a lot to do very little. He said he wasn't the one saying that though.
Ralph said that he still needs that time out there and he was just trying to get Howard's feelings on it. Howard told Ralph about the 10 weeks a year he could be out there when they're on vacation. Ralph said he has to clear this stuff with Howard first. He wanted to do that and then he was going to go to Doug. Howard thinks that Ralph did the right thing and didn't do anything wrong. Ralph was going to talk to Doug about it after clearing it with Howard.
Robin said that Ralph gets special treatment that no one else gets. Fred said that Ralph does have a job just like everyone else does though. Ralph asked if Doug was okay because he was worried about him. He was laughing and saying that was Doug ''wielding his power.'' Gary said that Doug got really angry and almost attacked Isaac who was filming him out in the hall. That's how angry Doug was.
Howard let Ralphie Cakes go and had Robin get back to her news. He did a commercial during the show to help out his Cousin Richie. They talked about this Beeceuticals stuff that they are backing. You can find out more about that stuff at HealthFromTheHive.com. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show talking about his busy night last night. He was listening to the Bill Keller show that they ran on Howard 101 last night. He gave religious counseling to Jeff the Drunk, Siobhan and Misty the Prostitute. He said he went on SFN last night to see how the fans were reacting to it and noticed that they've changed the site around. He said he saw the fans weren't enjoying it so he called in to help out, then he saw that the fans hated that he called in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he listened to the show and then listened to the recording he made of that show. Howard said that they don't usually have that guy on the show but they like to give the fans a choice. Howard liked the show and said that Bill didn't keep Misty on the phone for very long.
Howard had some clips from the show so he played some of those. Howard played one clip where Siobhan was talking to Bill about how she was born a woman and only had a birth defect. Siobhan insisted that she was born a woman and just had an inverted vagina when she was born. She said that she didn't want to mention the name that she was given when she was born so Bill blurted it out for her. They went back and forth on that subject for a couple of minutes. Bill insisted that Siobhan was born a man and she was a transgender person but she denied it.
Howard had Siobhan on the phone so he talked to her about how ornery she was being on the show. Howard said she wasn't born a woman, she had balls and a cock. Howard told her that he was born a sea horse if she was born a woman. Howard said it was actually good what she was saying last night because it made it interesting. Artie asked her how she made a baby if she was born a woman. Siobhan was saying that she was trying to make a point that it's the brain that determines the sex of a person, not the genitals. Howard sand Robin told her that she was a really good guest on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said you know it's a good show when the fans start bitching that Howard called in. Howard said that's true. He said he thought Jeff the Drunk was being kind of goofy so that's why he called in. He said his fans seem to hate him. Siobhan said that they really are nasty over there at SFN. She had to stop going on there because the people are such babies there.
Howard played another clip where Bill Keller tries to talk to Misty the Prostitute. She starts talking about prostitution but Bill cuts her off and says that it's a sin against god so she argues with him. Then she says that his reality is different than hers. Then Bill tells her that the bible says that what she does is a sin. She denies that and tells him not to insult her so he cuts her off and says they don't have anything to discuss.
Robin said it was obvious that Bill just didn't want to try and help Misty in that clip. Howard said it's pretty cool how that all went. He said it was funny how Siobhan wouldn't admit that she was born a man. Robin said she wouldn't give him high marks in the counseling department because no one seemed to get along with him. Artie said that guys like that drive people away from religion with stuff like that.
Howard played the voice mail and then went into the clip of the negotiation between Tim Sabean and Riley. Gary told Howard that during the negotiation that bird plays a major part. Howard guessed that Riley was going to use the N-word a bunch of times during that call. In the clip Tim asks Riley what they can do to get him back on the air. Riley said he needs some help there getting his show going. He says he would like to have a 2 hour show and that would be no skin off of their nose. He said that they could swing that no problem. Tim asked him if he would be more flexible on his negotiations. Riley did come down from the $20,000 he was asking per show and came down to $1000 per show with two shows a week. He said he knows damn well they would go for that. Howard said he knows that they won't go for that.
Howard continued to play the negotiation and Tim tells him that they've come up as far as possible and they can't go any higher. Riley gets irritated and asks for $500 per show with two shows a week. He said he knows they can do that for the next 6 months. Tim tells Riley that they have other shows booked up so they can only do 1 show a week for 1 hour. Riley then demands $1000 per show. Tim says he really can't do it, he's stuck at $400 per show.
Robin said that Riley threatens like he's got other offers but he's obviously got nothing. Riley eventually breaks down and says that he will do it for 3 months if he gets $400 and he wants to give his co-host $300. Tim said he can go no higher for his partner and no higher for Riley. He's stuck at $400 and $200. Riley said he'll have to give his partner the extra $50 himself.
Riley said that he'll do it for the next 3 months and he's at the $400. They settled on that negotiation and Tim said that he'd have the paperwork drawn up for him. Howard said he's not sure where they stand at this point, he's assuming that he'll be on tonight. Howard said Riley is getting a raise of $100 per week from his previous amount of $300. He said that was a hell of a negotiation. He told Tim ''way to go...'' with that negotiation.
Howard said that's a nice amount of money for a guy like that. He only has to work an hour a week. He said that was a good lesson in the way the economy works.
Howard played some clips of Ozzy Osbourne, David Letterman and David Lee Roth getting behind Sanjaya. They were all fake promos. Jon Hein came in and said that American Idol is going to be on from 8 to 9 tonight but they're going to run a little long to screw up Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he was just so tired last night so he couldn't watch. Howard had another Sanjaya promo with Michael Jackson (High Pitch Eric) pushing for him to be voted in.
Eric the Midget was on the phone and said that it's not going to happen this week. He said that if Sanjaya does make it this week, he knows that he won't make it past next week. Eric said that he knows that Howard is off next week so they won't be there to push him to the week after. Howard said the fans should be able to do it themselves. Artie asked how he knew the vacation schedule because even he didn't know they were off. Howard asked Eric how he knew they were off. He said he heard some things and figured it out himself. He said Jason had told him about when they were running a wrestling game on the show and he came up with the whole vacation thing himself.
Howard said he thinks they'll be successful this week and the fans will all vote for Sanjaya. Robin said they could make some recordings that they could run during the replays or other shows on the two channels. Eric said that he told Gary about some guy who told him that he could get him into any American Idol tapings from now until the end of the show. He said the guy wanted him to let them know so they could send Howard 100 News to cover it. Howard laughed and said that Artie had a pained look on his face while Eric was talking. Howard said that all he heard was Eric going ''Ehhh, err, ehhh errrr ehhh ehhhh'' and did his Eric impression as he was saying that.
Eric made a joke about wanting to stuff a cupcake in Artie's face so that led to the guys talking about the cupcakes that people bring in there. Artie said that this electrician chick makes some and they're really good. Howard said Artie is the size of a house and he's still eating that stuff. Artie said he's just trying to help out that chick's business. He said she's a very nice person too.
Howard said he doesn't know what Eric just asked them. He figured it was something about getting into the American Idol thing. Eric said he could get in and do some interviews with the idols if they wanted him to. Howard said they would like that and any time he's doing something like that he'd like to hear tape. Shuli has volunteered to go with him. Howard said that someone is yanking his chain and it's a very slim chance that he'll actually get back stage.
Howard asked him if he's going to get to interview Sanjaya back stage if he's there. Eric said he would ignore him and maybe interview his sister instead. Howard said that he is an Idol so he should be interviewing him. Artie was saying that he's like a mini-stalker so Eric shot back and said ''You're not a mini anything are you?'' Howard told Artie that Eric had gotten one over on him and he should just take it but Artie said he was pissed.
Howard told Eric to call him back on Thursday after Sanjaya wins. Eric said he will call in tomorrow too. Howard asked him why he stopped saying ''bye for now'' because he loved it. Eric said he just got tired of it and it was worn out. Howard thought it was brilliant when he came up with that. Fred did his impression of Eric and came up with TTFN which was ''Tata for now...''
Howard said that they seem to think that she's going to be kind of nuts because she dates him. He said that Beth is very well informed about a lot of stuff in the news so she should be fine on the show. He said that she should be fine if she just doesn't talk over everyone like they tend to do on that show. He thinks that Beth will be fine talking to Rosie. Howard said it's a weird vibe there on The View because you don't know where to crowbar in the questions you want to ask. He thinks Beth will have fun with it though. She's not trying to get a job there or anything.
The caller told Howard that customer service there is amazing. He told him a story about how they sent him a new radio after his failed and he was very surprised about that. Howard said the company does try hard with what they're doing. He said he knows there's probably some disaster stories but they really are trying to do things right for their customers.
Robin said she spent the weekend with Pink while she was doing the countdown on Hits. Howard thought she meant she was hanging out with Pink in person but she meant that she was just listening to her. That led to Fred saying he was hanging out with President Bush in the oval office. Artie said he was with Derek Jeter and Howard said he was with Hurley from Lost and that was fuckin terrible. He said that guy is huge and Artie would have to gain 200 more pounds to be the size of that guy. Robin said they were supposed to explain how that guy keeps his weight on but they never really did. Howard thought it was the food they found.
Howard said that guy Hurley is morbidly obese but Artie isn't. Robin thinks that guy should be in the hospital getting gastric bypass. Artie said that Bubba used to be really big and he can't imagine weighing 200 more pounds than he is now. Howard mentioned that Bubba had sent him the pictures of his wife topless again and in one picture it looked like she didn't have any nips because her implants are so big. Robin said that Bubba and his wife got to church every Sunday and that boggles her mind because heather is a Sunday School teacher.
King of All Blacks called in and said he had just picked up a magazine at the store and it was saying that Howard was getting married in July. Chaunce Hayden is the guy giving the information. Howard said that he is not getting married in July, that story is completely false.
King asked Howard who would be at his wedding when he has it. Howard said he's not having a wedding when he does get married. king was also wondering if Howard has any other black friends other than Robin. Howard said he really doesn't have any close friends. He just has acquaintances that he sees every day that are black. He doesn't really have any friends that are white or black. Howard said Robin has just as many black friends as he does. Robin said she doesn't have very many friends just like Howard.
Robin said that King was very annoying on the ''Stern Fan'' (Superfan) Roundtable last week. She said he was saying that Angie Everhart was getting old. Howard said that if he had the chance to sleep with her, he would never turn that down. King was trying to explain what he was talking about but Howard didn't think he was going anywhere. Robin told him he shouldn't talk so much when he's on that show.
King asked Howard if he's even going to St. Barts like it said in that article. Howard said he's not going to St. Barts and that story is completely wrong. He doesn't even know where St. Barts is.
Howard said he could go on and on reading the mail because they got about 900 of them. He read some other mail after that. He said they got an e-mail from someone who said that they should call Gary Baba Badluck because he was close to Sal when he fell off the stage last week. Gary came in and told Howard that Sal has shattered something in his wrist and it's quite a mess. Howard said Sal is really a mess and isn't in again today.
Howard said that he got an e-mail from someone who said his hands are beautiful. He read that and asked why his face can't be beautiful. He said that he has nice hands and feet but that face... Artie said he also has nice hands and feet. Howard said he has noticed Artie's hands sometimes and they are very delicate. He talked about the first time he had seen Artie's feet at the pool in Vegas one time. He said Artie had to be asked by Dana to take his shoes off because he was all covered up. Howard said he was like the boy in the bubble and finally let his feet out into the sun.
Artie said he used to be really into the sun and the beach but over the years that just went away. Howard said it's funny how Artie keeps so covered up and just lets his feet out like that. He wondered if Artie ever thinks about stopping eating so he can go out in the sun once in a while and maybe look better. Artie gave him a firm ''No.'' Howard told him he should get that Hawaiian shirt thing going but Artie said he doesn't want to look like Tom Arnold. Howard said he could do everything Hawaii if he did the shirt thing. Artie joked that he could go out with JD's mother who is living in Hawaii.
Howard read an e-mail about Robin's cats and how ugly they are. They had some pictures of them up on Howard's web site. There was also a lot of feedback about Sal getting shot in the ass by his wife with a paintball gun. He read through a bunch of those e-mails. People were talking about how hot Sal's wife was and asking many questions about her.
Howard read an e-mail about Bubba's 60 foot boat. The writer thought that Robin was going to feel jealous and she'd have to get a big one like that. Robin said she has no desire to get another boat because of that. She went on to talk about how her horse dying and how she wanted some ashes from the horse. She said she got a huge box in the mail yesterday and she thinks it's all of his ashes. The box was huge, pine with a metal plaque on it that says ''Blaze'' on it. Howard told her that maybe she could put a saddle on the box and have Vincent Price's ashes ride them. Robin said the ashes must weigh 50 pounds and the box can't be opened. Artie told her to pour the ashes in a bottle of Elmer's glue.
Howard read an e-mail about John Edwards and the stuff he was talking about on the show recently. He said he thinks that John Edward's wife could have gotten cancer from the fertility drugs she was taking. He said that he had an aunt who had gotten cancer after taking fertility drugs and that's what he's basing his theory on. Robin thought that was kind of funny. Howard explained how Edwards and his wife wanted to start a new family after their son had died. They used fertility drugs from what he knew and he was basing his cancer theory on that. He said he knows one thing, that fertility drugs have been linked to ovarian cancer. Benjy said he read that some drugs have been linked. No one was sure so Howard just said he has a vibe.
Howard said that Edward's wife has been given just a short time to live and he thinks that she can't be going out on the road with her husband. He said that Edwards should stay home and stop campaigning. It's no good for the children if he stays out there.
Howard said when you have children, they are a top priority. He thinks that Edwards has to think of them before he thinks of his career. He said his wife needs to rest and keep it together for the kids while she can. Robin said that she's not on her death bed yet. Fred said that if he ends up being President and he's got two young kids to be distracted by, that's not a good thing. Robin said that he's barely with the kids now and it probably wouldn't change anything.
Fred and Robin were arguing but Howard had hocked up something and said he had to go to break after that. He talked about some of the stuff they had coming up. The caller asked Fred to play more of the Jon Hein song when he comes in the studio. Fred said that Howard gets irritated with that so he doesn't do it so much anymore. Howard went to break after that.
Robin walked away with $200 of Howard's money. The bets were getting very big toward the end. Howard said that was the best game ever. Robin said they have to do that again sometime. Howard said he had another Richard Christy prank call to play before he moved on. He said it was the most annoying phone call he's ever heard. In the call Richard calls a guy about some things he's selling. He's selling a CB Radio and Richard tells the guy on the phone another guy is calling with the same stuff for sale. Then he has the conversation as if he's talking to both of them and confusing the crap out of the guy on the phone. Richard drove the guy nuts to the point where he hung up. Richard called him back but then he got his cell phone call again and kept jerking him around until he hung up again.
After that Howard played a voice mail that Richard's dad left for him. He tells Richard that their dog killed one of the ducks they had as a pet there. He said that the dog got a hold of the duck and the same thing happened to the duck that happened to Shit Head the chicken.
Joe said that this is legal because the plate just has to be read by the naked eye. It doesn't stop the plate from being seen by the human eye. Howard said he's not sure that this stuff is morally right though because if someone gets away with a crime because of it, it's not good. Joe said that they've sold about 500,000 cans across the world so they're doing pretty well with this stuff.
Joe said that you can find out more about this stuff at Photoblocker.com. He said that the stuff lasts for the life of the plate with just one application. Howard asked how long he thinks it'll take before it's made illegal. Joe said they're already working on it. Bobo called in and said that this stuff is against the law. He said that he teaches defensive driving and they will fine you if they find it on your plate.
Joe said that the stuff is invisible to the naked eye so they can't bust you for it. Howard took another call from a guy who said that they tested stuff like this on Mythbusters and they found it doesn't work. Joe said they didn't test their product though so that's not the case. He said they have all the information on the site that will explain how it works and how well it works.
Joe said that they're offering 10 percent off for Howard Stern listeners who order through the web site or on the phone. Howard told him to leave his name out of it. He thanked him for the call and moved on after that. Howard said he's afraid of that stuff. He said he doesn't even speed and he'd be so paranoid about that.
A cop called in and said that this stuff is illegal in New York. Howard said he would be too nervous to use it himself. He had to go to break a short time later.
Nicole said that she used to be a stripper when she was in college and she was doing strip-o-grams and stuff like that. She said that she used to do the knee thing when she was dancing in clubs and rubbing up against guys. She said that was as far as she'd go though.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that she looks very similar to Beth. Howard said she did look a little like her. She said she's been told that but she thinks they have different noses. Howard played some audio clips from her porn movies where she's talking dirty to a guy saying ''fuck me in my dirty hole'' and things like that. Howard asked her if she's shocked by that stuff just coming out of her like that. She said it just comes out.
Howard asked Robin if she ever talks like that. Robin said she likes loving talk, not the dirty stuff like that. Howard said he would probably finish in a second if he heard that from a woman. Howard asked her if she's talking about her ass when she says ''dirty little hole.'' Nicole said she's actually talking about her pussy and she doesn't do anal all that much these days.
Nicole said that she doesn't really have neighbors that hit on her. She said she doesn't get all dressed up or anything when she's home. She took off her top for Howard and the guys and they were all impressed. Artie said they were hypnotizing. She told Artie she loves him and he gave her a 'Thank you'' when he heard that. Nicole then told Howard she keeps a little hair down below so she showed that off as well. Howard told her it was too much hair though. She said that she's not a little girl and she likes a little hair down there.
Howard asked Nicole about what she would do when she was in college. She said that she kind of went with it one time when a bunch of chicks hit on her and wanted to have sex with her. She said that the girls satisfied her and she wasn't sure what to do after that. She said the girls were sisters and they didn't touch each other but they did mess around with her quite a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she was from Pennsylvania. She said she was from Pittsburgh and she used to dance at The Wall for a few years. The guy was also saying that her husband is the guy she has sex with in the movies she does. Nicole said that she used to think that Howard was being kind of pompous when he started calling himself the King of All Media but now she sees that's exactly what he is.
Howard said that this guy KB kind of got burned last week when he was supposed to get laid by this porn star who came in and played a game. KB said he thinks that he was just too ugly for that other chick. He told Nicole that she was so much better looking than the other chick. Howard said that KB looked very happy and if he was lucky, something might happen at the hotel. KB said that he wanted her to tell him if she was disgusted by him now. She said that it's all about the attitude that he projects, not even about his looks. Howard said that KB had some trouble getting it up last time. KB said he would have been fine if she had just flicked it.
KB said that he had gotten a blow job one time but that was about 7 years ago. He's still a virgin. Howard told him that this is some prize he's about to try and win. He should appreciate it. Howard asked Nicole about why she thinks she can beat Fred. She said she's got an IQ of 155 although that fluctuates quite a bit. She said that she'd like to be on Jeopardy but she thinks her porn background would keep her off of that.
Howard told KB to check out this chick's body. She showed him her panties and stuff and KB sounded like he was very impressed. Nicole said that she never really liked younger men in the past but now she kind of feels like she's on some kind of power trip with that and she's kind of into it now.
A phone caller told Howard that he was a homo because Nicole had asked him if he wanted to feel her boobs. Howard had a lame explanation that he didn't want to stoop the show so he could move over to touch her breasts. Everyone told him that was lame so Howard said that he just doesn't need the aggravation (from Beth).
Howard moved on to the Win Fred's Money game. They sent Fred into Robin's booth which was the Isolation booth for the game. Howard gave Nicole some plugs for her web site NicoleSheridan.com and for MovieQuickie.com which is another site she's a spokesmodel for. He then moved on to the game but Robin pointed out that Fred was doing some strange neck exercises while they were talking.
Here are the questions and answers.
Nicole said she was going to leave her panties on because she was a germophobe and didn't want anything from that thing. Gary told her it was a brand new attachment and they'd take a new one out of the plastic if she wanted. She said she did want to see it so Gary showed her that it was coming right out of the plastic wrap. She got on the machine a short time later as Gary slowly ramped up the speed of the Sybian. She was finished within about a minute and hopped off the machine. She said that she might be able to try it again if they went slow. She tried again and said that she was too ticklish to do it again. She's not sure she could do that at home because it was actually too fast.
Artie said that her body is perfect and it looked sculptured. Howard thanked her for coming in and started to wrap up with her. She asked Howard if her husband could come in and give Howard a gift that he had for him. KB said he didn't want to meet the guy but Howard told them to bring the guy in anyway. The husband said that this week was the best because he was on the Stern show and then on Friday he gets to fuck a couple of chicks for Penthouse while his wife directs them how to blow him. He said he's having a great time doing all of that stuff. He told Howard that he gets to do a lot of really cool stuff with Nicole that he could never do with anyone else.
The husband, Voo Doo, was telling Howard he'd love to tittie fuck Robin and leave her a pearl necklace. Howard told Nicole that Robin needs some instruction on blow jobs. Nicole said that you really have to be into it when you do it and she really enjoys it. She said she just closes her eyes and goes with it. Voo Doo said that he'd love to see Nicole and Beth kiss and he'd let Howard have the two of them for himself. He then gave Howard the necklace he had made for Howard. Nicole said that they were made of healing stones.
Howard asked Voo Doo if he was going to interrupt with KB and Nicole today. He said he won't bother them at all and she's really great at giving a hand job. She demonstrated on a banana that Mike Gange had brought in. She was showing how she does it with the banana between her boobs. Howard said he was done already after about 10 seconds of that. She said she can make a hand job feel like he's getting fucked. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Robin said that he stays friends with all of those women as well. He said he just introduced his new woman to the old girlfriend over the weekend. Howard asked him if he lives with them. Robin said that he does that mostly. Howard said that maybe he should just live with Robin for a while and see how things go. Robin told him that his engagement wouldn't last long if that happened. He was also telling Howard that the longer you're with a woman the more you forget about that excitement of meeting someone new. He said that women become a pain in the ass once they get that ring and get married. Howard said he was scaring the hell out of him by talking like that.
Robin told Howard that he really shouldn't be married and they should just live together happily. He said it's better that way if they do break up. He said he's been through that kind of thing with women himself so he knows. Howard asked him how far into the relationship they should draw up papers. Robin told him to do that as soon as possible. He said as soon as you give a woman the key, that's when they start counting.
Robin Q asked Robin if he knows of any couples who are happily married. Robin said he does but it's like finding a diamond in a mine, it's very rare. He said he has a 23 year old girlfriend right now and she's on Spike TV as the host of Ultimate Fighting Championships. Howard said ''No shit! Look at you!'' when he heard that. He asked him how he met that broad. Robin said she showed up at his birthday party one year and that's where he met her. Robin said that you always go after the hottest girl in the room because most guys are afraid to approach them for fear of hearing ''no.''
Robin Q asked Robin if he has an age limit. Robin said he has dated an 18 year old so that's probably his limit. Howard let a phone caller ask Robin a question. This guy Mark brought up the show Cribs and how Robin Leach kind of got all of that started with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Robin said he thinks it is a rip-off but he's not going to sue over it or anything like that. That led to Howard complaining about this show ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' when he's the one who came up with the idea and did it on his show for many years.
Howard asked Robin what he's doing these days. Robin said he's got this show called ''Fame Games'' that they do for VH-1. He said it's a train wreck of a show. He said he had a lot of fun doing the show and it was hysterical. Howard said he just noticed that Robin was dating actress Joan Severance back in 2003. He read that and told him that he's the man. Gary came in and said that he had a picture of the girl they thought he was dating but it turned out to be the wrong person. Gary said it had to be the wrong woman because she was too hot. He was right.
Robin Q asked if dating the younger women keeps the marriage discussion farther away. Robin said that it's actually worse when they're younger. Howard asked him about going to dinner with the producer of American Idol, Simon Fuller, and Michael Jackson. Robin told Howard about that a little bit and filled him in on the details. Howard wondered if Jackson is freaking out about his career at this point. Robin said that he's really not. They were just talking about the things he'd like to do with his career. He said he was able to have a normal conversation with him and he wasn't wearing tape on his nose or anything odd like that.
Howard asked Robin if he felt strange sitting at a table with that guy wondering about the young boys and stuff. Robin said he really didn't think like that at all. He said that they were discussing plans for what to do with Michael's career but there is nothing specific to mention at this point.
Robin told Howard a story about how he and Stuttering John were hanging out a few weeks ago. They got to know each other on the show ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here'' and Bill Clinton was sitting at a table nearby. Robin said John really wanted to meet him so Robin said he wanted to make things happen instead of letting John run over there and get the Secret Service to kick him out. Robin said that they did succeed at getting some pictures taken with Clinton. Robin said he told John that there are two great sayings in life... ''Follow that Taxi'' and ''I'll have what she's eating'' from When Harry Met Sally... So that's what they did at the restaurant. They had what Clinton was eating.
Robin said that Stuttering john even paid for dinner that night. That came as a big surprise. Howard read that Robin said that Clinton knew who John was when he met him. Robin said it's possible he was told where he was from. Howard asked Robin if he was surprised when he found out that John was going to be the announcer on the Tonight Show. Robin said that everyone was surprised, even John. He thinks that John was so shocked that he no longer stutters.
Howard talked to Robin about how much stuff he's done in his career. He said they started Entertainment Tonight, Star Search, Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous and other things. He also started the Food Network and sold that off. He said he usually sells stuff off after 5 years and that's a good rule for that kind of thing. He said you reach plateaus and you just have to move on. He said that once the Food Network got to 60 million households he figured it couldn't go any higher and got out. He said the investment was about $50 million. He said they thought it was a great idea at the time and it worked out well for him. He said that he was in it for about 25 percent of what they sold it for. Howard asked what the price was when they sold it. It was close to $500 million when it sold. Howard said it's no wonder all of these women want to marry him. Robin claims it has nothing to do with the money.
Howard asked Robin about the houses he owns and more about the women he's been with. Robin said that he's always had very good looking women, even before the money. He said he always goes for the best looking woman in the room because no one else is going there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin about the Fame Game show and if the people on the show were pains in the asses. Robin said they were pains in the ass and Vanilla Ice is out of control and he really needs some help. He said he actually broke the set on the last day of filming. He said they were just making a TV show and the guy flipped out because he felt that Ron Jeremy had betrayed him. Robin said that Ron had done something that he wasn't supposed to do on the show and that led to Vanilla Ice going nuts on him. He said he tried to take off his head with a drum set cymbal. He was also smashing the lights with a guitar and it took 5 people to take him down and there were broken fingers and blood everywhere.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people talk to Robin. One guy complained about him stepping on Fred's impression of Stuttering John. Another guy said he thought Robin was gay all these years. Robin said he's not gay and has never had a gay experience. Howard said that this guy is so not gay. He gets more pussy than any guy he knows. Another guy said that he heard that Robin had hit on a guy one time but Howard refused to believe it. Another guy said he saw Robin walk into a place with a smoking hot blonde one time. Robin laughed and said he didn't remember that. One guy said he was a door man at his building and he'd bring home hot chicks every night.
One caller said that Joe Rogan was on the show a few years ago and he had a hot chick on with him who had a hot sister. The guy said that Robin knows them. Robin said he knows both of them because he had both of them at the same time.
Howard gave Robin a plug for this show he does for AOL called Lux Life. He said you can find out more about that at AOL.com/Vegas. Howard wrapped up with Robin and let him go as he went to commercial break.
Artie said he didn't even see KB there because Nicole was looking so good. Howard asked if they could watch her giving KB a lap dance. He had no problem with that. Howard said that she should take over and tell this KB guy what to do. Howard told her that she's the hottest porn chick he's ever seen. She said that she was afraid that he was going to call her fat. Howard said that was music to his ears.
Nicole had KB take his pants off and started to give him a lap dance. She gave him the knee in the crotch and KB said that Howard probably wanted to be him right then. Howard said he did. He told Nicole that what's crazy about her is that she really seems to dig sex. She said she does.
Howard said that Nicole was sitting on KB's unit on the bed in her bra and panties. KB said he was good down below this time. Howard had Nicole start talking dirty to KB so they could hear that. She started to get really dirty so Artie said he had to leave the room when he heard that. She was asking KB if he wanted to see her titties and asked him to tell her what to do. He had his eyes closed according to Howard. She took her top off and said her nipples were really hard. Howard told him to talk dirty to her. KB didn't have much of a rap with her so she took over and started talking dirty to him some more. Then she started rubbing his unit with her boobs. Then Nicole spit into her hand and started rubbing him. She told him to imagine his cock inside of her. Howard said that this was some date. He figured it was time to leave them alone for a little while.
Howard asked the guys if she was the hottest chick they'd seen in porn. Artie said that she really was hot and she was a good girl. She spit into her hand and grabbed his dick and started giving him a hand job right there. Howard said that's good for KB. They're kind of glad that the other chick didn't do it with KB because he got this hotter chick.
Fred said he might have to go home and beat off thinking about this stuff today. Howard gave Nicole a couple more plugs for her web site and then took a call from Bill Keller.
Bill said that he's working on trying to help out Jeff up in his area. Gary interrupted and said that KB was about to finish. Howard didn't want to go back to the video but he did it anyway. He told Bill to cover up his ears if he didn't want to hear it. Nicole was still talking dirty to him and trying to make him finish. Howard asked KB what was wrong with him because he wasn't finishing. She was going on and on trying to get him off but he wasn't finishing. Howard finally got through to Nicole and told her she was really working hard on him. He cut it off and figured that he was gay or something. Gary and Robin noticed that KB was chewing gum which was kind of strange.
Artie apologized for the interruption to Bill. Bill said he knows that they have to do what they do over there. They got back to the discussion about the show he did last night. Bill was saying that people all have free will to do what they want and some people can listen to Howard and some may listen to him. He's there to talk to people who want to hear him. He said that Misty was just too messed up for him to deal with on the show last night. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go.
Howard said he couldn't stop thinking about that porn star's ass. He went back to the video and watched Nicole still trying to get him off. Howard asked KB what was going on there. KB said that he was getting close but Howard told him that he's got to finish within a minute or this girl is off the hook. KB said that sometimes he has to go a long time. Howard told him he had another minute so KB asked for 2. Howard said he had to get out of that.
Howard said it's like candles that won't blow out. A few seconds later he heard that Nicole had given up so he went back to the video. KB had asked Nicole to stop because he was freaked out by the whole 1 minute warning thing. He also asked if the camera could leave. Howard told him he was sorry and let him go. Fred said they should have one of those counters with a calendar going January, February, March... and counting down as Nicole keeps rubbing him.
Steve also said that Sal the Stockbroker is going to still do the Booey dance even after his accident. He also got in a plug for Beth doing The View this morning. Howard told Gary to call her and see if he can get her on the air before she goes on. He said he wants to talk to her about that and about what Robin Leach said to him about not getting married.
Howard said that Sal's fall off the stage is going to be on Howard TV tonight. Steve wrapped up his news preview after that and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stories they'd be covering like the Nicole Sheridan visit and hand job. They'll also talk about Robin Leach's visit and about the Evil Dave Letterman intelligence game. They'll also be watching The View on air while that's going on.
Howard went back to Nicole and KB and heard her saying that she had made him blow his load. The camera guys had to go back into the room and got Nicole back on camera. Nicole said that the date was over. She said her hand didn't work but her lap dance made KB's underwear get a little wet. Howard said he felt for KB. They lost the feed a short time later but Howard said he didn't want all of the details. Then they got the feed back so he went back to KB and found out that KB had finished and he thanked him so much for what he had done. Howard told him he should thank Nicole instead. He gave Nicole some more plugs and let them go.
Howard said that Nicole can come back on the show anytime and told her to come back right then. He wrapped up with Jon Hein after that and then had Robin start her news.
Howard also mentioned that the power of the show is pretty amazing. He said that after Angie Everhart was on the show, her popularity on Yahoo search went up by over 700 percent. He had Robin get back to her news after that. Howard interrupted again a short time later and took some phone calls. One of them was a woman by the name of Celeste who sounded a lot like a man to him. She was upset with him for the whole Sanjaya thing. Howard didn't remember who she was until Robin reminded him that she's been calling the show since they were on NBC. Celeste told Howard how wrong the Sanjaya thing was because there is someone on the show who is very good and deserves to win. Howard told her just to play along and go with it. Mike Gange came in a short time later and told Howard that they're doing a ''Whatever Happened To...'' show for Howard TV and Celeste will be one of the people in the show.
Robin got back to her news and went through a bunch of stories before Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show saying that he did vote for Sanjaya last night. He said he was still sick but he figured he had to stay up and vote. Robin said she tried voting last night and got through very easily so she didn't feel too good about the whole thing. Artie said he fell asleep at 3 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 4 this morning so he didn't get to see it. He was also saying that he didn't know how against the whole thing Beth was until he saw The View yesterday. She wasn't joking around about it at all.
Howard said Beth really is against it and she doesn't think they should be denying someone else from winning. He said he started dialing at 5 after 9 and he tried voting for about 20 minutes. He only got through twice while last week he got through 15 or 20 times. He said when he did get through, he got a commercial instead of a thank you for voting message. He figures that a lot of people were voting for Sanjaya from what he could tell.
Robin said she delayed the show so she could vote while watching the show. When she first started dialing she couldn't get through but then she got through every time after a few minutes. Howard said it seems like Sanjaya is getting a little cocky now and it's almost as if he's feeling like he deserves to be there. They talked about Simon's comments from last. He told Sanjaya that it doesn't matter what they say anymore and if people like him then they'll wish him luck.
Eric the Midget was on the phone so Howard went to him. Eric said that he thinks Sanjaya could be out this week. He said he thought that he murdered Gwen Stefani's song so all of her fans are going to vote him out. Howard told Eric that Sanjaya is going to be the next American Idol, he's already on the tour. Eric said that's pretty shitty. Howard said if they get another dog, he and Beth have decided to name it Sanjaya.
Eric said that he doesn't have to be part of his show to get into the American Idol thing. He said he has 3 people who can get him into the show if he wants to. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he voted about 100 times last night and he thinks Sanjaya will be the next American Idol. Howard said he thinks that people know that they should vote for Sanjaya next week. Howard and the guys are on vacation so Eric thinks that people will forget.
Howard gave Eric 30 seconds to tell people to stop voting for Sanjaya. Eric gave his comments and said asked people to stop voting. He said that it's become ''a mockery to the sh..ow.'' Howard said he's going to have Richard edit down his comments to make it sound like he wants people to keep voting. Robin asked Eric to say ''Don't vote for Sanjaya'' but Eric knew that Howard was going to edit it so it would be ''Vote for Sanjaya.'' Artie wanted him to say something about his PJ pants but Eric shot back at him and said that he knows he wears PJ pants to work. Artie said that's true but he's never called them ''PJ pants.''
Howard took some more calls from some people and ended up talking about some of the contestants on the show and how awful they look. Howard commented on some of the women and how odd they look. Artie said that Sanjaya does have the right look for that show while so many of the others don't.
Howard said that he had Sanjaya on the phone. It turned out it was High Pitch Eric doing his Sanjaya impression. Eric said that his impressions can't fool him. Howard insisted that it was Sanjaya but let him go a short time later.
Eric said that the one girl on the show that Howard was saying looks like a line backer actually had a father who was a former NY Giants player. Eric said he's surprised that Artie doesn't vote for her because of her father's history. Like Artie would care...
Howard said he told Beth that she was good on the show and was dressed nice. She didn't say much of anything during one of the discussions they had on the show. Beth kind of laid back and just let the other women get into the whole thing. Howard said they switched topics and Beth did get to bring up some things and she didn't step all over everyone else. Beth was part of a cleaning segment and she figured there was no reason to be there because she didn't get to participate in it that much.
Howard said Beth did a very good job and the e-mail feedback about her appearance was positive. He read through some of the feedback. Someone wrote in about the other people on the show and how awful they looked while everyone else looked horrible. One writer said he had to beat off to her after watching the show. Howard said he was kind of worked up when Beth came home yesterday, partially because that porno chick they had on the show looked kind of like her. He said he just wanted to fuck when she came home.
Howard read through some more e-mail and a lot of it was very positive. He also talked about Elisabeth Hasslebeck and how cute he thought she looked. He said he could picture her making out with Beth while he was watching the show. Howard also said that he was telling Beth about the porno chick who was on the show and how she offered to come home with him. He said Beth isn't into that though. He said he's kind of envious of Bubba for having a wife who is into that stuff.
Gary told Howard that Lisa G got some alone time with Elisabeth Hasslebeck and Joy Behar at The View. Ronnie came in and interrupted and said that Akira was going to fly up for the show on Friday and they were going to hook her up with Artie at the show. Howard said that she really does it for him. Artie said the same thing and Howard told him that if he does get to bang her, he wants all the details. Bubba is looking for details too but Howard wants the story first.
Ronnie said that Akira was coming up just for Artie and that means Artie will get to bang her. Artie said he got the message from her this morning. Howard told him that she's up for just about anything. Howard said the things they do to her on Bubba's show is like the things a 5th grader would do to a girl. Eric threw in a comment about Artie's weight in the middle of the conversation. Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone to tell Eric that he had voted 161 times last night. Eric asked him how many 6 packs he had during that time. Jeff said he had none. Howard hung up on him and got back to Artie.
Artie said he's really not sure about the whole Akira thing because he does have that other girl. Howard told him to blow off that chick and just tell her that Akira is coming up for him. Artie said this chick isn't the type who would want a three way or anything. He's also not sure she'd be too thrilled with Akira coming up just to fuck him either. He said that this chick would find out about it if he did cancel it. He figures that it would be the last time he'd ever see that chick if he did bang Akira. Howard said that there are many weekends that Artie isn't getting laid so maybe Akira could come to one of those shows. Howard told him to have her fly up the next weekend or even the next day.
Howard told Gary to call Bubba and explain what's going on. He said that he's to tell Bubba that Artie is already getting laid that day so it has to be any other day. Gary was confusing things so Howard had to try and straighten him out. Gary was saying that this coming weekend was actually ''next weekend'' so Howard said he's going to screw up this whole thing if he didn't listen to him. Artie is flying out to Los Angeles next week so maybe Akira could meet him out there somewhere.
Howard goofed on Gary about the weekend thing a little bit and then told him to tell Bubba that Artie is available to fuck Akira any other day for the next 50 years, other than this coming weekend. He told Gary to just handle that now and get back to him after he talks to Bubba.
Howard said that he'd love to see Elisabeth and Beth together in bed. That got the guys talking about Rosie O'Donnell and how much Beth liked her. They spent a minute on that and then got back to the audio of Elisabeth's interview. She said she has been offered the chance to go on the show but she's pretty sure she wouldn't want to talk to the phone callers but she wouldn't mind talking to Howard himself. Joy said that she'd have to go on the show with her guard down.
Howard read through some more e-mail feedback about the show and one person said the show was the worst. Another person said Beth wasn't good on the show. Howard said that was the only negative e-mail he saw. That writer thought Beth didn't talk enough. Howard thought she did mix it up pretty good during most of the show. Artie said that sometimes it's harder to know when not to talk on a show like that and she handled that very well.
Howard said that no one else gets reviewed for co-hosting the show but Beth did. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that the show wasn't good and she thought that things didn't go all that well. Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell once called him at home and asked him to stop goofing on her because his fans were goofing on her out on the street and she was starting to fear for her life. He said he asked her to stop telling people not to come on his show. She denied ever doing that so they agreed to calm down about each other but Howard didn't let up for a while. He eventually saw what she was going through with being a lesbian and he eventually let up.
Howard said that Chevy Chase, David Lee Roth and John Bon Jovi have all been through similar things and he's let up on them eventually. Mariann was saying that she didn't think Beth was natural on the show and the show is just terrible. She said she loves Howard and the guys but she hates The View.
Gary said that Chevy Chase has written a book and he heard that a good part of one of the chapters is about his feud with Howard.
Jeff said that he wanted to be a carpenter before his accident so he can't be a carpenter with one arm. Jeff said he can't even hang a picture with one arm. Artie said Jeff wouldn't be tolerated for a minute on a job site. Robin said maybe he could make furniture or something. Artie asked him what kind of skills he's got because maybe he could do something like that.
Howard said that there are a lot of people out there who could do things without arms or legs and Jeff would have to be able to do something like that. Howard said that maybe Jeff could use his dead arm as a hammer or something like that.
Fred asked Jeff if he had a real job before that accident that paralyzed his arm. Jeff said he didn't, he was just 18 when he had the accident. Artie asked Jeff how he felt after that show he did with Bill Keller. Jeff said he felt nothing. Howard said it's too bad people can't pay Jeff to just stand around and drink. He said maybe someone could pay him to be a chair. Artie said that when you pay for a chair, you only have to pay once and they work forever though.
Howard said that it's too bad Jeff can't be a human door stop or something. Artie said that's what Jeff was at the grocery store he was working at. Jeff said he was more than a door stop, he had to open the door. Robin said they replaced Jeff with a computer. Artie said he was replaced by a cinder block. Jeff said it wasn't a cinder block, it was a computer. Artie said it's the same thing, the computer just tells the cinder block where to stand.
Robin said that maybe Jeff could do some painting and do those faux finishes or something. Jeff said he can't climb a ladder so that's out of the question. Fred said that maybe he could be a security guard. Artie said if that happens, he has a couple of buddies he'll tell to go there.
Jeff made an odd sound while he was listening to the guys. That led to Artie talking about some of the other odd noises he makes when he's talking and gave some demonstrations of that. Jeff changed subjects and gave them an idea for a song parody on the show. Howard said that maybe Jeff could be a scare crow. He asked Jeff if he'd do that. Jeff laughed and said that won't happen. Howard told him he really should take Bill Keller's offer and try to be a carpenter. He thanked Jeff for the call and told him to give it a try.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that Jeff should do some voice work. She also said that Beth was very smooth on that show yesterday and she would be great as a regular. Howard said that she got kind of quiet during The View because she was thinking about how over analyzed she is in everything she does. Artie said she got a good write up in that NY Post article though. The article was very positive. Jessica thought that she did a great job too and she didn't over do anything on the show. Howard thanked her for that and let her go a short time later.
Howard wrapped up with Eric the Midget and said that they'll talk to him tomorrow about what goes on. Eric said that he thought that the only job Jeff would be good at is beer taster. There were no laughs at all after that. Artie told him to listen to the replay and maybe he'd heard the laughs that were missing from the live show.
Howard said that the last episode of Battlestar Galactica for the season was great. Robin said she loved it too and now they have to wait until 2008 to see the next season. Howard said that's a long time to wait for that show.
Howard said they'll be playing a little ''Skating with the Tards'' today and they also have the Fab Faux coming in to perform The Beatles ''A Day in the Life.''
The guys mentioned that Sal the Stockbroker was there today so Howard had him come in. Sal fell off stage down in Florida on Friday night at a comedy show. Artie said that he saw Sal and was glad to see he was there. Sal came in and Howard said that he looked like a mess. He had a cast on his arm and his face was bruised from falling on the concrete floor. Sal said he had about 7 beers that night but he didn't think he was all that drunk. Sal said when he fell off the stage he felt like Wile-E-Coyote when he falls off a cliff. He said he fell straight down and hit his face on the concrete. He said he can still hear the thud. Then he said he was so shocked he got up on his knees and then more pain came through and he dropped down again.
Sal said that there was a doctor in the audience who drove him to the emergency room to help him out. He said that guy saved him. He said the whole thing was so traumatic that he ended up crying when he talked to Shuli after it. He started breaking down again when he was talking about watching the video and how close he came to dying. He said Shuli actually jumped off the stage to help him. Howard said he saw Gary walk away and laugh. Gary said he went around the long way and didn't laugh, although he did think that he might be joking around.
Gary said that Sal does a lot of racial jokes in his act and he had a mix of ethnicities helping him out at the hospital. Howard said he heard that Sal had a nightmare with his wife too. Sal said he was at the hospital for a while and Tim Sabean stayed with him the whole time. He called his wife and told her about what had happened and her first words were ''Were you drinking?'' instead of asking him if he was okay. Sal said he told her about all of the pain he was in and how he was throwing up from the anesthesia and she was afraid that he had gotten a virus or something. Sal said he couldn't believe that. Howard told him that she's really not into him.
Sal said that she did help him out a little bit and put a garbage bag on his arm so he could shower. Howard played the video of Sal falling off the stage and showed that to the guys in there. Howard said he did get a big laugh when that happened. Sal said it only took two years for that to happen. Sal said he can remember hearing Artie telling him ''Get up you pussy!'' when he was laying on the floor. Artie said he did get up and say good night to everyone.
Sal said he's got a fractured rib and his wrist is broken in the worst place it could be. He said the large bone is chipped and they've told him that it may not heal correctly. He said he's going to Disney next week and then when he gets home they're going to operate on his wrist and it will take 8-10 weeks of healing and a couple of months of therapy to get it right. Sal said he's going to try and do the Borgata show down in Atlantic City. He said he's planning on going down there on Thursday so he can get some rest from his wife.
Sal said that he's so glad he's not injured even worse. He said that he's on some meds right now and he tried this one called Dilaudid and the stuff is paradise in a pill. He said Artie asked him what they had given him the day that he saw him after the accident. Sal said he doesn't have any of those right now, he's on Vikodin and some other drug. Sal said that if the Dilaudid is anything like heroin, they all have to try heroin. Artie said it really is like heroin so you do get the same high.
Artie gave the history of heroin and how it was invented to get people off of morphine. He ran through that and knew a lot of details about that stuff. Ralph called in a minute later and said that he really does know a lot about that history. Artie said he learned all of that by reading about Eugene O'Neil who had been addicted. Howard said he likes these drug addicts who know stuff like that.
Ralph asked Sal if he feels that this is some kind of Karmic come back for all of the goofing on Gary he's done. The guys talked about that and how Sal was goofing on Gary at the time he had this accident. Gary said that people ask him if he's secretly happy about it and he says that he really feels bad for the guy. He said he's not happy about anyone getting hurt like that. Gary said he thought Sal was fuckin around when he fell off the stage so that's the only reason he laughed when it happened. Howard said if it was him, he'd be happy to see Sal fall off the stage. Gary said he laughs at Sal's life because he's more miserable than they even know. He said that's where he gets to gloat.
Howard took a call from this Doctor Shankman who helped him out right after the fall. Dr. Shankman said that he took care of him down there in Lakeland and he helped evaluate his wrist at the time. He talked about the meds that they gave him and how that all worked out. Howard told him that Artie would like some of that stuff if he could send it up. The doctor joked that he'd meet him at the local 7-11 to hook him up. Howard thanked him for taking good care of Sal down there.
Gary said that Tim told him that even though Sal was knocked out, he was still yelling in pain. Dr. Shankman said that Sal was making some noise while he was under but he shouldn't remember any of that. Howard wished Sal luck with his wrist. Robin said that he was leaving and wasn't able to open the door. Howard said he's never seen an eye that looked that black and blue. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said he heard that Artie was in the back room placing a bet even though he had sworn off betting. Artie said he has decided to get back into this weight loss challenge thing and he's going to be playing some suicide basketball stuff today. He's going to stop eating the cupcakes and all of that. Since he's giving up the eating, he's got to substitute that with something else. That's why he's betting on the final four basketball games.
Artie said he has a complaint about the Raw Dog comedy channel there at SIRIUS. He said that he had made it into the final 8. Then he tunes in yesterday and sees that he's up against Richard Pryor. He said it read ''Lange vs. Pryor'' on his radio. He said he called in and voted for Pryor himself.
Artie said that he really needs something to look forward to so that's why he's betting and not eating. Artie said his team really needs him so he's going to try and lose the weight for them. Artie said he'll be gambling this weekend as well so it's going to be one big gambling weekend. He said he hopes he doesn't bet like he was eating because he'll have to get a loan shark if he does that.
Artie said he's going to put aside $15,000 for this weekend for betting. Howard said that might not do it for him if he's comparing that to eating 50 cupcakes. Artie said if that doesn't work out for him, he may have to drink a little more. That will also lead to him overeating even more.
Artie said that his bookie is making him use all kinds of nutty codes on the phone because he's paranoid about getting outed the last time he met with him in public. Artie said that he used to have a bookie who would give him a code name and a number and he'd also record the phone calls. Howard asked Artie what his current code name is but Artie wasn't giving that up.
Robin said it was just a few weeks ago when he said he was giving up the gambling. Artie said his bookie told him he knew he'd be back. He was right. Artie said the guy is very low level but he claims that he's got muscle to take care of the guys who don't pay up.
Howard had Lisa get to her news preview since she was lingering and they had to get to other stuff. Lisa said she'll have a story about her visit to The View yesterday to talk to see Beth doing her thing. Lisa said that she asked Rosie if she'd come on Howard's show but she said she's still afraid of his fans. Howard said he heard from Beth that Rosie was thinking about doing the show though.
Lisa said that everyone loved Beth's dress. She also said that people were impressed that she had thanked Barbara Walters at the end of the show. Howard said his mother called and raved about her appearance.
Erin said that she's going to be going for a world record gang bang where she gets screwed by 1001 guys. She said she knows it's not going to be easy but she thinks that she'll be able to handle it. She said that she's going to have four guys at one time and she'll have to have each guy rotate so they do enter her for some amount of time. She said it's really tough to set yourself apart from others in this industry so this is how she's going to try and do it.
Erin said she has tried smaller scaled gang bangs and she thinks she'll be able to do it. Artie asked her if her price will go up after she does it. She said that it is mostly bragging rights. She said that if anyone wants to get involved with the gang bang, they can contact her at email@example.com.
Howard went to the satellite feed and had Jon Hein hosting and talking about what the guys were going to be doing. Shuli was the first guy up to do this speed test. Shuli said he hasn't done much ice skating but he has roller bladed before. Shuli raced to the line and ended up crashing into the wall to stop himself. He didn't know how to stop himself without using the wall. Jon Hein said that his time was 10.5 seconds. Shuli is playing for the money and not for the part in the porn movie.
Joey Boots was up next so Howard talked to him for a few seconds. Joey said he's going to be playing for the money as well. He said he's skated before but very little. He didn't know how to stop either so Howard told him to just use the wall. Joey was off to a bad start but came through and smashed into the wall. His time was 16.3 seconds. Howard told him he didn't beat Shuli though.
Up next was Eddie the Produce Guy who was the only one playing for the chance to be in that gang bang. Eddie said that he would like to be in the gang bang thing but he didn't want to go at the end because her pussy would be loose by then. Erin said it stays tight though. Eddie started a short time later and also crashed into the wall. His time was 9 seconds flat so he was the winner.
Eddie had fallen over when he passed the line. He was all dizzy and said his legs were wobbly. Howard said that maybe they should give the guys some money. Gary said they could give them $500 each so the losers were going to get that money.
Howard said that was exciting and it should make for a good Howard TV segment. He got in a plug for the ''Blades of Glory'' movie and got back to Erin. She was saying that they're going to use something called a love rocker in the movie. She said it looks like a weight bench and it lets you rock back so she can rest her legs while the guys are doing her. Howard asked her if she orgasms during something like this. She said maybe in the first 100 she could orgasm but after that it's just an event.
Howard read some comments that Erin has made and she claims she was born to fuck and to be used by men. He read that she worked at the Bunny Ranch and some guy had asked to lick her ass while she shit. She said she didn't do that because she doesn't do skat stuff. She said she has no desire to do that to a man either. She says she's very bi-sexual too. She said she went to college and did bang five of the guys on the team. She said she got all of the starting team.
Robin asked Erin when she started having sex. She said she lost her virginity at 16 but didn't start doing girls until she was about 20. She said she started going to swing clubs and got it on with some girls there. She said you have to love doing the job to be good at it. She said she'd love to have her mother go on the road with her but she wants nothing to do with it. Gary asked her if her mom knows what she does. She said she doesn't know the specifics, she just knows that she's in the adult film industry.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she's hot. Howard said she was and asked how big her boobs were. She asked him if he wanted to feel them but he turned her down. He had to be cool with Beth. Artie took her up on the offer and went over to feel her up. Erin took off her top and Artie grabbed them like an animal. The caller told Howard to just feel them like the old days. Howard told him he'd feel them later.
Howard asked Erin if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said she would if she could pick the attachment. Ralph called in and asked her what rules she has to follow with this whole gang bang thing. She said they do have rules and they have to rely on her keeping track of the number of guys who actually enter her. She said there will be guys there to make sure things go right.
Howard gave Erin a plug for her web site ErinDaye.com. He asked her to take a ride on the Sybian. He said her boobs looked very natural too even though they were implants. Robin asked her if she has sex every day. She said it is just about every day so it's tough to find a regular guy who will put up with that kind of stuff. Artie said he wouldn't have a problem with that as long as she gave up the tax auditing stuff she does.
Howard asked Erin not to fake the Sybian ride. She said she doesn't fake it. She got on the thing and Gary started her out slow and quickly ramped up the speed until she was screaming out in pleasure. She thought Howard was trying to kill her with the speed of the machine. Gary had it up to 100 percent for quite a while. She had finished about 3 times so Howard told Gary to shut it down. She wanted to go again but Howard thought it would kill her. She wanted to do it so Gary started it up again and had it at 100 percent again. She went a few more times before Howard told Gary to take it down. She said her pussy could handle it but her mouth was dry. Howard told Gary to get her some water then. Howard said she was shaking when she got off it.
Gary said that he's been a foot away from chicks on that machine and he said she could see the veins in her neck pop out and some other graphic details of what was going on when she was orgasming. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that the guys are all on this weight loss thing but Jason came in and gave Artie a plate of food that he hadn't ordered. . Artie said he was thinking about eating it but maybe not the whole thing. Howard told him to hand it to him and he'd throw it out for him. Artie handed it over so Howard was about to throw it away. Artie wanted to take just one bite. He said it looked so good. Howard agreed that it did look good. Fred was afraid that Artie was going to obsess on the food if they threw it away. Artie took a bite a short time later and then threw most of it out. He took three huge bites before it went in the trash. His mouth was full as he was talking about how sad it was to throw it in the garbage.
Artie said throwing that away was almost as awful as throwing away coke. Artie said Jason got him a chocolate milk as well but it was reduced fat milk. He read the nutrition facts on the bottle and it was 450 calories. He said Jason blew it though because he had spent money and he was throwing the stuff out. Howard told him to throw out the chocolate milk too. Artie said it was a Nesquick and he really likes that stuff.
Jason came in a short time later with lemon and water. He told Artie to go ahead and drink that Nesquick, he earned it since he didn't eat the French toast. Jason said he's been taking walks every night and he's been looking for Artie working out and stuff but he never does see him. Artie said he's going to be playing basketball today and he's going to see how much weight he can lose.
Jason told Artie that he should eat up because he'll need it for his work out today. He also said that he saw Artie eating Chocolate Chip cookies and drinking Hawaiian punch earlier. He also saw him eating half a bagel. Howard said he could eat a whole bagel if he just left he butter off. Artie said he would rather have the butter on half. Jason said that Artie asked him to ask for extra butter so that's what he got for him.
Howard had another Garver interview with Jason Alexander. Garver asked Jason about Howard's engagement and Jason asked what happened to him. He swore he would never get married. Jason thinks that he's a tortured man inside. He said he thinks he'll go through with the marriage. Jason joked around about the whole thing and had some fun with it. Garver asked him if he could murder one celebrity, which one would it be? Jason said he had three, Paul Giamatti, Phillip Seymore Hoffman and Oliver Platt. He said that they seem to be the guys who he goes up against and he loses out to them for parts. Jason said he'd love to see Howard when he comes to New York again.
Howard and Artie talked about how honest Jason was being there. They liked his answers. Howard had another clip of Garver interviewing Vince Vaughn and it was only 10 seconds long. Artie said he worked with that guy on a movie and he heard from a driver that he might be kind of hard to work with. He heard that Vince wasn't a fan of the show because they make fun of retarded people. Howard played the interview where Vince tells Garver that he's just there for charity and he's not going to do interviews. He told him that he'd said it to him 4 times already and that was it.
Garver got an interview with Norm MacDonald who hasn't been on the show lately. Garver asked him what he's been doing lately. Norm gave a very laid back ''stand-up comedy'' answer. Garver also asked him about Artie's heroin use and if he was ever with him when he was with him. Norm said he's never done it himself. Howard said all of his answers were funny. Garver asked him if anal sex was part of his life. Norm said it's part of his life because he fears it every second of his life. Norm's favorite curse word was ''cock fuck.'' He was also asked about Howard's marriage and if he thinks he'll go through with it. Norm thinks it'll be weird but Howard will go through with it. He said that Howard is all about integrity.
Howard said Gary ran into Richard Dreyfus at a different event. He said that he's a fan of Richard's so he wondered how he reacted to the whole thing. Garver asked Richard if he's going to get drunk at the party they were at. Richard said he doesn't drink. Richard said that Howard Stern needs a hair cut but not much else about him. Garver then asked him how big his balls are. Richard said that was a stupid question and asked him if he was embarrassed to ask it. Garver said ''not really'' and continued to ask him questions about the fattest chick he's ever banged. Richard kept on walking. Howard said they had to take another break after that so the Fab Faux could set up again.
The road manager talked about the songs that they play when Pete and the guys go out and tour. Howard said he can't be making a lot of money doing that stuff. She said they're doing just fine.
Howard spoke to another guy, Bob, who said he wrote in and asked to come in and see them. Howard asked the band how many people they have in the band. They had 11 people in there to perform this song today. Howard asked Will how many instruments he plays. He said he plays just one. Some of the other guys play multiple instruments. Howard asked each of the guys introduce themselves. First up was Will who plays in the band on Letterman. He said that they have a great job over there and got to see Artie not too long ago. He said the band was laughing their asses off while he was on. Will was also saying that they have a great job because they just show up about a half hour before show time.
Will told story about playing on Ellen Kleghorn to the tune of Jimmy Crack Corn which they got blasted for after that. Artie said he was a little insulted because they played ''Heroin'' when he was on. Gary pointed out that Jerry from Conan O'Brien's show was also in this band. They talked about how great their jobs are working such regular jobs.
Howard went around the room and talked to one of the trumpet players, John, who said he doesn't have all that much to do in this song ''A Day In The Life.'' Tom Bones Malone was also there so Howard spoke to him for a second. Jerry Vavino from Conan's show was up next. Howard talked to a bunch of the other guys who had multiple jobs to do during this performance. He talked to the Cello player, a violin player, the drummer and then had the guys perform the song.
Howard told everyone to sit back and relax and enjoy this performance. The band then performed a cover of The Beatles ''A Day In the Life.'' They did an amazing job just like they did back at K-Rock a couple of years back. Howard told them it was beautiful and it was a treat to watch them perform. He said that it was amazing. He asked them if Yoko turned around and asked them to record with them or something. One of the guys said it was actually the Beatles that she didn't like. That got some laughs.
The guys said that Yoko had asked them to perform a song for this event that she was part of. They said that they've recorded some stuff that will be included on a compilation album. Howard asked the guys about when he goes on Letterman's show and also talked about doing Conan's show since there were guys from both bands in this one.
Ralph called in and said that was really, really fuckin good. He wanted to hear another song so Howard suggested Penny Lane. They said that it's actually pretty hard to perform. They were going to do it so Howard let Ralph go and let the band play. They went right into it a few seconds later. They did another outstanding job with that song.
Howard asked the guys if they ever want to break away and improvise on those songs. They said they actually did do that a little bit at the end of that song. Howard had the guys demonstrate some of the instruments they have and spent a little more time talking to them. He went through a bunch of the band members and talked to them a little bit. He also gave them a plug for a show they're doing out at the House of Blues in Los Angeles. They're going to be performing the whole White album out there.
Ralph called back in and asked for something rockin' instead of the stuff they were performing. He wanted to hear ''Back in the USSR'' but they suggested ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard took a few other calls and everyone was talking about how great they are. Howard gave them a plug for their web site TheFabFaux.com and then had them perform one last song which was ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard said that one was spectacular as well. Artie said that this really shows what the Beatles had in them back when they were starting out. Howard told the guys they were phenomenal and he encouraged everyone to go see them. He went to break after that.
Another caller said that he's been missing out on sex because he stays up to watch American Idol on Tuesday nights. Howard said he likes that they can be involved in that show the way they are now.
He said he was reading in the paper how he kind of ruined the radio division over at CBS when he left. He said they were saying he took away about $100 million in advertising. He thinks it was a lot more than that over all but he kind of likes that he can ruin something like that. Robin said they did have to build it up first though. Howard said the audience seems to like watching that crumble as well as American Idol. That led to Howard playing some clips from last night's American Idol. He had Sanjaya singing and Simon Cowell talking about how he's in his own universe and wishes him luck.
Steve Langford came in and gave his Howard 100 news preview. They said that they have some stories about Sanjaya coming up today. They have a web site predicting that he will still be in it after tonight. They also have a story about Scott Ferrall who will be featured in Perfect 10 Magazine. Howard talked about how great Scott has been doing lately on the channel there.
Howard went to Jon Hein after that and let him run down the Wrap Up Show topics for today. They're going to talk about Eddie the Produce guy's win in the skating contest, The Fab Faux and Artie's return to gambling. Artie spent a little time talking about how he got back into that. Howard asked him about the call he made to the bookie to get back into it.
Artie mentioned that he's going to be doing stand-up down in Atlantic City while he's got five grand on a basketball game. Howard mentioned that Artie has a sure thing coming to see him that night but he's still got that offer from Akira to do him. Artie said he would think about taping sex with Akira if he does do her. Artie said that this chick he's kind of seeing might get upset about this whole conversation, nevermind him actually fucking Akira.
Howard said that Akira had made out with Ralph at some point. Howard took a call from Ralph, which actually turned out to be Sour Shoes. They ended up talking about Dancing with the Stars for a little while. Howard said if he was dancing with those chicks he'd be cumming in his pants because they're so hot. He said Billy Ray Cyrus seems to be not so into the chick he's dancing with on that show.
Howard had the real Ralph on the phone so he told Howard about how annoying Gwen Stefani was on American Idol. Howard talked about what a cunt she was when he saw her on Letterman the last time he was on. He said she treated him like crap that night and he wasn't so happy about that.
Ralph said he didn't sleep with Akira but he did make out with her. He said he never did hook up with her again. He said he got freaked out when he heard that she wanted to get into porn. Howard thought she was already into porn because she had her puss shocked and wanted to have a phone shoved up her ass. Howard asked Ralph if he thinks that Akira has any diseases or anything. Ralph said he doesn't like wearing a rubber so he likes to go in bareback. He said he can tell if a girl is a dirty girl.
Ralph said that he hates porno with condoms and he can't watch that stuff. Artie said he has to go in bareback himself. Ralph said he doesn't like to finish inside a chick, he likes to shoot all over a chick and see what happens. Howard said that 1 out of 5 adults has herpes so it's like suicide going in there bareback with so many chicks. Ralph said he's right about that but he's been with a lot of chicks and he must have some kind of radar that keeps him from finding those chicks.
Ralph claims that he can tell if a chick has herpes and he stays away from them. Howard said he had some problems after banging a chick and she must have had some kind of infection and Ralph had called it before he was with her. He said Ralph really does seem to be able to pick out chicks who have problems. Ralph said that he's pretty sure he could have gotten Akira if he had kept after her. He said she might be too much for him to handle though.
Howard said the chick who was on the show yesterday, Nicole Sheridan, was very sexy. Ralph seemed to have a problem with chicks who can just have sex with guys she just met. Howard said she really wanted to please the guy though and that's what he liked about her. He said that she was about as hot as Akira was too.
Jon Hein wrapped up his Wrap Up show preview and then Howard had Robin get right into her news. Howard said he had a new song parody about Robin but he thought it might be too gross to play. Richard Christy made the song up. He played the song which had lyrics like ''Robin show me your twat.. I'm about to shoot my goo, goo, goo'' Robin kind of liked it and told Howard to leave it in the mix.
Artie said that if he's looking this girl in the face, he may not be able to call it off. Howard said he was very honest with women when he was dating after his divorce. He said he wanted to fuck other chicks and he told the women that's what he was going to be doing. Artie said that he didn't talk about the chicks on the air though so it's a different story. Artie said that maybe she will get to him and maybe he is having feelings for the chicks so he'll have to see how it goes.
Artie said he knows that Bubba could set him up with Akira and he's not sure that he should have called that chick after the first or second time being with her. He said she was very accommodating with him the first couple of times having sex with him. Howard asked Artie if he wanted to hear what he knew about Dana and wether or not she's got a boyfriend. Artie said he didn't want to hear about that. Howard broke down and said he really didn't know anything about her.
Howard said he knows something about someone else but he's not sure if he can talk about it on the air. He asked Ross Zapin to come in and tell him if it was okay to talk about. Artie said the last time he spoke to Dana was when he talked to her about Jim Florentine's ex-girlfriend dying. He said she told him about going on vacation to Palm Springs and that kept him up that night. Gary told Howard that Ross was out at an appointment so he wasn't around to talk to him about that thing he wanted to talk about. A short time later Howard said that he was given the okay to talk about the story. He said that DJ Chris Booker that he's friends with has broken off his engagement. He said he wants to get Booker on the show to talk about it. Gary asked if they were broken up or if the wedding was just called off. Howard said that they're broken up.
Howard said that he has feelings on the whole Booker thing. He said he had the feeling that it wouldn't have lasted if they had gotten married. Gary wondered what he was going on but Howard said he wasn't going to get into it. He had Robin get back to her news a short time later.
Robin read through her news and Howard wrapped up the show around 11:15am.
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Howard started off the show talking about all of the stuff they had to talk about today. The Miss Black Howard Stern contest was coming today. He broke into a song about the Miss Black Howard Stern a few seconds later. Robin had some issues with his lyrics so Howard said he didn't write it, he has guys to write that shit. He went on to talk about how the Miss USA pageant was on recently and he had some audio clips from the show but he hadn't heard them.
Howard played some of those clips from the Miss USA pageant. In the first clip we hear from some of the contestants talking about themselves. One girl said that she was voted most beautiful when she was in high school. Howard said a lot of hot chicks loved high school. Beth was one of those people who actually liked going to school. Howard said she went to every prom and she started when she was like 14 years old. Howard said no girls ever went with him to prom so he can't relate to that.
Howard said Beth got drunk at one prom and she got into some trouble over it. The principal was so upset that he went to her house and had lunch with her every day. He was also saying that his fallen angel wasn't there when he was up in front of the students one day. Howard said that Beth's father almost punched a guy out for saying that his daughter was so beautiful when she was only 9 years old.
Robin talked about these two kids she went to school with who were the best looking kids in class. She remembers people talking about how beautiful they were and how they'd make a great couple. Robin said she was just thinking that they should be learning stuff and not talking about being couples.
Gary asked if he knew of any teachers who dated students. Howard said he found out about one relationship like that. Gary said he knew a teacher who dated a student who had just graduated so that was kind of strange for them. Artie said he knew a teacher who dated a girl he went to school with and she was really hot.
Howard played another clip from the Miss USA pageant. One of the contestants told a story about almost freezing in a very cold night in Minnesota. Howard said he hopes the Miss Black Howard Stern contest is a little more exciting. Gary pointed out that the woman had just said ''50 below windshield'' instead of ''wind chill.'' Howard said he hopes that she won. He broke into the Miss Black Howard Stern song again.
Howard said he got up at about 1 in the morning to watch American Idol which he had recorded on TiVo. He said he wanted to see if he had won. He said Gwen Stefani was looking really good but the song she sang was just bad. He took a call from a guy who said that Gwen did look really good on the show last night. He said that he doesn't care what Ralph has to say about that chick. Howard asked Eric if he liked the song. Eric said ''i guess'' and talked about how good looking she was.
Howard asked Eric if he was in his PJ pants while he was watching the show. Eric said he was out last night grocery shopping so he wasn't in his PJ pants. He and his room mate went out to the store together. Artie thought he was living with his parents. Eric told him ''Come on fat ass, you're behind...'' Howard asked him if his room mate gets to live there for free as long as he does stuff for him. Eric said that is the case. The guy cooks and cleans for him and gets to live there rent free.
Howard played the ''Please vote for Sanjaya'' clip that Richard had created. He also played some of Gwen Stefani's awful song from last night. Artie asked Eric how often he and his life mate fuck. Howard told him to stop with that. Eric also said that at least if he has sex with a woman he wouldn't crush her like Artie would. He used that joke twice within a minute. Howard threw in the ''Please vote for Sanjaya'' clip again.
Gay Ramone called in and said he's sick of hearing this Eric the Midget calling in every morning. He went off on him for a few seconds. Howard and the guys talked about Sanjaya and how androgynous he looks. Gay Ramone had said that he thinks that guy has a nice pink asshole and he'd like to stick his tongue up there. Howard asked Ramone what he would do to Eric if he had him nude. Ramone said he'd put him over his lap and spank him. Eric went off on him telling him that he's not gay and he wouldn't do anything gay with him. Howard said it would be great if Ramone could convert him from being straight to gay. Artie loved that they could have Eric the Gay Midget if Ramone could convert him. Ramone said he could do it within minutes if he was in a room alone with him.
Howard asked Eric what he thought of that. Eric said ''not a chance in hell'' of that happening. Howard told Ramone to have some phone sex with him but Eric threatened to hang up on him if he did that. Ramone started to talk dirty to him but Eric went silent. Howard threw in the ''Please vote for Sanjaya'' clip again.
Howard took another call and said that he's going to be voting for Sanjaya thanks to Eric's suggestion. They kept playing that clip over and over again so it was working on some people. Howard and the caller talked about how Sanjaya is still in it. He said he got an e-mail from a guy who claims to have voted 14,000 times the other night. He plans on voting 50-100,000 times from now on in. Artie said he can't wait to see the show himself now that the kid is still in it.
Howard played a clip from American Idol where they announced that Sanjaya was still in it. He said it was great news to him last night at 1 in the morning. Howard said that kid should be thanking him and thanking VoteForTheWorst.com. Howard said it's great that they're all ruining that show. He said it should be really good when they send home all of the good singers.
Artie said he has to call his mother and ask her what she thinks of Howard's movement to keep this kid in the show because she's apparently a big American Idol fan. He didn't know that until recently. Howard was going to play an audio clip about the movement to keep the kid in but the notes on the audio file weren't very detailed. He had to ask JD where the clip was from. JD came in and told him but he was mumbling so Howard had to ask him what he said. He said he has to do that every time he comes in there. Fred did an impression of him and Howard spent a little time talking to him about the mumbling. JD said he knows he mumbles a lot. Artie said it's like he gets bored with his own sentence and just gives up in the middle.
Howard had JD talk about the family reunion he's going to later this year. JD didn't want to give a lot of details. JD said he's going out to visit his father and brother next week. Howard asked him if he's been talking to that porn star he was banging. He said they haven't been talking much lately and he hasn't gotten laid since he saw her out in Vegas. Artie told him that he needs a chick in town to do that.
Eric got pissed off at Howard and told him to never do that gay stuff again. He said he's a straight man and he's not gay. Howard told him that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Artie told Eric that he'd better be careful, he might get in trouble with Johnny Fratto if he finds out about the gay thing. Eric insisted that he's not gay. Howard said they know that he doesn't yearn cock so he shouldn't be so upset. Eric had hung up earlier so Howard asked him why he would do that. He asked him if he would hang up if he had said he was going to turn him Chinese. Eric said he wouldn't hang up for that. He said he just got upset over the gay stuff.
Howard told Eric he's going to have Gay Ramone call in every time he's on. He also asked Eric to admit that Sanjaya can go all the way now. Eric said he's not going to do that and he doesn't think that he's going to be there after next week. Howard told him that the movement is growing every week and not getting any smaller. Eric said it needs to stop but Howard told him no one is stopping it.
Howard played a clip of a woman from a news show who is upset with the movement to keep Sanjaya on. She was saying that it's mean spirited and they should give this kid a break. She and her co-host talked about how corrupt the whole thing is when they do that to the show. Howard said this is fucking great and now they're going to have to come to them to beg for them to stop. He said he wants to have Simon Cowell and the other judges there to talk to them about what's going on to get them to stop.
Howard said that if Eric had come on board, he would have brought him on stage at American Idol with him. Eric said he doesn't have to be on board to go to the tapings and stuff. Robin said it's more than that though, they would have had him on to do other American idol things if he had just played along with them. Howard said now they're going to make him blow Gay Ramone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're going to have Sanjaya in the WWE so they can ruin another show that he loves. Artie told him that Sanjaya is also going to be pitching for the Oakland A's. Siobhan called in and said that even she's voting for Sanjaya and she never votes for anyone.
Howard played a clip from another TV show where they talked about how awful this movement is that Howard Stern and VoteForTheWorst.com are doing. In another clip some talk show hosts were talking about Howard and his push to get Sanjaya to stay on the show.
Howard told Eric he had a clip of what Eric might sound like if he was with Gay Ramone. It was a gay porn clip with clips of Eric thrown in there. Eric refused to say he was ready to hear it when Howard asked him if he was. Eric said he wasn't turned on by that at all when Howard asked him if it did. Howard told Eric that he's sorry he didn't want to play along with them, he was really hoping that he had.
Howard said that Howard Stern fans run that show and they control the vote. He said that if he doesn't win, they're going to call for a full investigation into the count. He played Eric's ''Please vote for Sanjaya'' again. Eric then told Howard that he can get on American Idol without him because he has people like Johnny Fratto and a couple of others who can get him in there. Howard said he'd like to see that happen. He said no one else has come through for him so far like he has. He got him on a TV show, American Dreams, but Eric said that he didn't have anything to do with it, it was the production company that got him in it. Howard said he got on there because of his show.
Gary explained to Eric that they put him on TV because Howard Stern would talk about it. Other than that no one would be interested in it. Howard started to get pissed at Eric when he said he didn't have anything to do with it. Eric said that the producer of the show was pissed that they sent a camera crew down there and didn't use any of the footage. Eric also said that there may have been a fourth season if he had just promoted it right. Howard told Eric that he's so ungrateful and bitter.
Eric said that Howard is taking credit for the whole WWE thing when they didn't pay, it was the WWE who paid for his trip and stuff. Artie said it's not who pays for the car, it was Howard's show that got him the trip. Howard told everyone to calm down and told Eric ''Shame on you...'' and then threw in the ''Please vote for Sanjaya'' clip once again. Eric kept saying that wasn't him saying that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wouldn't have voted until Eric opened his mouth. He said he had to vote for the guy after the whole Eric thing. Howard thanked Eric for calling in and played his clip a few more times. Eric asked them to please stop playing the clip. Howard told him that they don't need him anymore, they can create all kinds of comments using his audio clips.
Robin said the night that Sanjaya wins is going to be great for them and she wished that he could be there with them. Eric said he'll be there on the last show thanks to his friend Jason who is going to help him get in. Howard started laughing and said all he heard was Eric's grunts as he was talking about that. Fred started playing a car cranking sound effect and some of Curly from the Three Stooges going ''Err, err, err.''
Howard asked Eric if, when Sanjaya wins, will he acknowledge his title. Eric said he will not do that. Robin said she's feeling that they shouldn't leave because they have to keep on top of people to keep voting. Eric said goodbye and said at least he doesn't have to put up with them next week.
Howard said he had some audio of Richard taping himself taking a shit. He played a short clip of that and then played the phony phone call he made to an auto mechanic asking him what was wrong with his car. Richard played some car starting sounds and had the farting as the car stalling sound effects. The mechanic on the line tells him it sounds like a bad motor. The mechanic tells him it sounds like he lost a rod or something.
Howard said Richard told him about going to a restaurant down in Tampa and how he had shit for a half hour after he ate there. Richard came in and said that the food was amazing down there. Howard said if he's shitting for a half hour it means there's something wrong with his stomach. Richard thinks it's the oil in the food that makes him shit like that. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said that a bakery in the city has an Artie Lange cupcake coming out soon and the proceeds from the cupcake are going to Life Beat. Artie said that he designed the whole cupcake and told them what he wanted it to be. He said it's yellow cake with chocolate mouse inside and some kind of icing on top like you'd get on a black and white cookie. Artie said he and Ross went over all of that stuff with the guy who runs the bakery. That led to Howard saying that Ross isn't his friend anymore because he wouldn't share the story about Booker's break up when he asked him about it.
Howard said he called Booker himself and talked to him about the break up and he doesn't want to talk about it on the air. He said Booker is kind of upset about the whole thing and he doesn't want him talking about it on the air.
Lisa G said she spoke to Adam Buckman about the article he wrote about Beth being on The View. She said that he had a lot of nice things to say about her. Howard said even his agent had nice things to say about her and he doesn't always have the best things to say about stuff like that. Howard said that Beth told him she will never do that show again but he thinks that she will. Beth told him that she saw Lisa G talking to her aunt in the audience that day and she wondered what they could possibly be talking about. Lisa said she was talking about all kinds of things with her. Lisa said they talked about where the wedding could possibly be and she may have found out some information but she wouldn't say anything on the air. Howard said they're not having a wedding though. That was it for Lisa so Howard let her go.
Howard moved on to the Evil Dave game. He gave names and asked the guys if they think Dave would pronounce them correctly when he read them off a sheet of paper. Here are the names and what Dave said:
Howard got back to the game but there were more errors so he had to stop the game. He told Sal that he had really screwed that up when he transferred it to CD. He played a bunch of other ones trying to figure out where they were on the list. Dave had some luck with most of the other names he said.
Howard wanted to play a Lily Tomlin prank call they had made but he had to find out what time he had played it last time. He looked that up but Robin asked him to play his own meltdown. Howard and Gary both said they didn't want to replay that.
Howard played a clip of Evil Dave making an appearance on The Intern Show last week. Dave says the term ''pillow biter'' wrong when he says ''pillow bitter.'' Dave also joked around about the internship programs they have going on over at Late Show. He also commented on the Sanjaya American Idol thing. Howard thought he was being kind of good on that show. He seemed to be more relaxed there than he is when he's on his show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lynda Lopez was talking about him on a local FOX affiliate. She was encouraging people to go with it. So was Danny Bonaduce according to the caller. The guy also asked Artie if he's going to be at opening day at Yankee Stadium. Artie said he is planning on being there.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that he heard The Fab Faux on the show and he started crying when he heard how great it was. The guy had sent the mail to a friend of his who actually passed it along to them. Howard played some samples of their performances from yesterday. Howard played a little bit of each one but Artie wanted to hear the whole thing. Howard said everyone heard them yesterday so that's why he was playing the short clips. Howard said it was kind of cool to see them switching instruments during the songs.
Howard said he got the chills hearing ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' He said that the guy playing guitar was Uncle Floyd's brother. He said he thinks he was playing a few instruments during that one but Fred said he stuck to guitar on that particular song. Howard played more of the song after he had stopped it for a few seconds.
Fred said they really got that song down very well. Usually the people who cover that song are just a little off but they were very good. Howard said they were great. Fred said there's always something missing from covers but not with The Fab Faux.
Howard read through some e-mail and had some stuff about American Idol. He read one where someone said that the whole Sanjaya thing is stupid and he's got some ego to think he can do that to the show. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard introduced the judges who were there. King of All Blacks was there so Howard spoke to him for a few seconds. King said he's lost a few pounds but he knows that Howard will never think he lost anything. He asked Howard to stand up and show him how thin he is. Howard did that and then introduced the next guy, Bintell Powell who was on the show one other time promoting his book ''Betrayed.'' Howard talked to him a little bit.
Robin told Bintell that King had a nose job trying to look more white. Bintell said he was embarrassed to know him if that was the case. Bintell is against that kind of stuff. He and King talked about the nose job and changing looks to fit in like that. Howard asked King if he could take a pill, and turn white tomorrow, would he do that. King said he would never do that. He said he wants to be black. He was also talking about how he has some straight hair on his arms and stuff because he's from Barbados. Bintell thought he was nuts and said he has some straight hair on his arms too. King said he's been thinking like that since he was born.
King was saying that the only reason he married a Spanish girl is because he wanted good hair on his kids if he had any. Bintell said that King saying all of that was selling books for him. Howard gave him another plug for that and let King and Bintell go at each other a little more. King was saying some stuff that Bintell didn't agree with. King was saying it's great to be black but have white people hair. He said his daughter has great hair because it's kind of straight with just a little kink in it.
Howard asked Xica about her lesbian lover and found out how she met her current woman. She said she hasn't had a man in 2 years now. She said she hasn't seen a man that's worth it. Howard asked her about Bintell. She said he looks like a Shakazulu member and she'd let him get a spear and hunt her down. Howard asked her if she would take a pill that would turn her white if they had one. She said she wouldn't do that. She likes being black. Howard asked her what shade of black is what she prefers. She said that someone like Naomi Campbell is what she likes. Howard asked her what celebrity represents black people best. She said Martin Luther King but the guys thought that was a lame answer. She mentioned a couple of other black celebrities like Will Smith instead.
Howard asked Xica if she thinks blacks should be given reparations for slavery. She said they've already been given so much that she doesn't think they need more. After that Howard said he was going to move on to the talent portion of the competition. She was going to dance and then fold herself into a cardboard box. She had to take her boots off so King was happy that he was going to see her feet since he's such a foot fan. Xica did her thing and sang Amazing Grace for the guys. She was contorting herself into the box as she was singing according to Howard. Fred was laughing as that was going on.
Howard told her that was very nice and then asked Bintell to give her a score between 1 and 10. She was still contorting herself so Howard had to have her stop. Bintell thought about his score and gave her a 6. Artie thought that was kind of harsh. Bintell said he didn't appreciate her using that song the way she did. She said they gave it to her and she didn't use the lyrics they gave her either. Bintell said he had to revise the score and gave her an 8.5. King of All Blacks said that he didn't like the girl on girl stuff but she was beautiful so he gave her a 7. Robin gave her a 7.5, Gary gave her a 7, Artie gave her an 8 and Fred gave her an 8.
Gary was arguing with King about the flab on Xica's ass. King was saying he likes the way she looks and he thought she was in shape. She said she thinks that she looks good. Howard took a few phone calls after that and one guy said that they need someone who is borderline retarded. Bong Hit Eric called in and said that some of the girls were really hot. Howard cut him off and moved on to the next contestant.
Zubedah said that she doesn't like the use of the N-word after Howard asked her about that. Howard asked her if she had to choose one, making her skin darker or lighter, which would she do. She said she would make it darker. Howard asked her how she's going to give back to the community if she becomes Miss Howard Stern. Howard asked her to tell them something she doesn't like about white people. She couldn't come up with anything and said she loves white people. Howard asked her a few other questions about being black and what she has to deal with. Howard asked her what she would do if someone shushed her in a movie theater. She said she would tell them to be quiet. king said he thought she was kind of white until she said that.
Howard had Zubedah sing her song after that. She had a rap song that she whipped through. Howard cut her off and said she was annoying him. She wanted to sing another one that was X-rated so he let her do that. He seemed to like that one a little better. King seemed to like it a lot as well.
Howard asked for the scores and King gave her an 8, Bintell gave her a 10, Robin gave her an 8.8, Artie gave her a 9, Fred gave her an 8 and Gary gave her an 8.
Dee talked about her girlfriend and how she had to find a woman who wouldn't have any jealousy of her and her husband. King and Bintell were laughing at her the whole time. Bintell said that her hair wasn't all that great and he figured that she should love black men if she wanted to represent black people. She's married to a white man so that's where that came from.
Howard asked Dee if she would go lighter or darker if she had to choose between one of the two. She said she would go darker. Howard asked her what the worst thing is that she's been called to her face. She said she's never really been called anything. Howard then asked her to tell them what she thinks are the worst features on the other two contestants. She couldn't do it. Howard asked her a few more questions and then asked her to do her best black street impression. She gave them a ''What up'' but it was very English sounding. King tried to help her by giving her a ''Wassup'' and a ''Holla!'' which she did pretty well.
Dee's talent was tying a cherry stem into a knot. She told the guys to imagine that she was getting tea bagged by a guy as she was sucking on a cherry. Howard thought that was pretty hot. Howard wanted to see her boobs but she was still working on the cherry. She ate the cherry and popped the stem out tied in a knot.
Howard went around the room and got the scores. King gave her a 2, Bintell gave her a 7.5, Robin gave her a 6, Artie gave her a 6.5, Fred gave her a 7 but said he'd give her an extra point if she kissed the lesbian chick. She wanted to be fair and so Fred stuck to the 7. Gary said he thinks she's hot and gave her a 9.
Charlie said that she had her first lesbian experience when she was like 9 years old. Howard asked how that happened so she said she and her friend were practicing kissing in the bathroom. She said they ended up rubbing each other out in the bathroom after kissing. She said she was the one who got that whole thing started. She and one of the other contestants ended up arguing with each other for a short time. Charlie was pointing out some of the things that were wrong with the other girls so they were going off on her.
Charlie said that she's not like the other girls and maybe that's what they want, maybe it's not. The girls were getting so mean that Gary had to stand between them to make sure there was no fight. Howard said he asked the other girls the same questions and they didn't answer honestly like Charlie did. Howard said he really likes her a lot. He asked her what her talent was. King said it was ''talking white.'' Charlie said that she would like to ride the Sybian but she doesn't think she can do it. She was just going to sing. She said she couldn't do the Sybian thing to completion or she'd get into trouble.
Howard had Charlie sing her song and she danced around while she was doing that. She had a ''Lisa Simpson'' like voice according to Artie. It was very child-like when she spoke and even more child-like when she was singing. The other girls were goofing on her through the performance. At one point she told the other girls ''Fuck y'all, I just want to win!''
Howard asked for the scores and King gave her a 9, Bintell a 10, Robin a 10, Artie a 10, Fred a 9 and Gary gave her a 10. Howard said it sounded like she was a winner already. She was thrilled and threw out a few plugs for her web site CharlieSuperfly.com. She was also rubbing it into the faces of the other chicks that she had just won. Everyone knew they had made the right choice with her.
Howard tried to give all of the scores for the other girls but Charlie was still going nuts. The other girls were pissed that she had won. Dee said she wasn't upset at all about her not winning. She talked about how big of a fan she was but Howard cut her off and said they can only have one Miss Howard Stern. Charlie was still rubbing it in the faces of the rest of the girls that she had won.
Howard had Ashley Flowers from Clips4Sale.com come in to hand over the $5,000 check. The guys wanted them to kiss but Charlie said her girlfriend was there so she couldn't do it. Ashley did give her a kiss on the cheek though. Charlie's girlfriend came in a short time later and congratulated her on her win. Artie said that Charlie looked like an extra from ''Car Wash'' so she was perfect.
Howard gave some plugs for Clips4Sale.com and Gary said they had some gifts for the losers. They were going to give them an order of Carson's Ribs as a consolation prize. Charlie said that was very racist and that they also had a side of watermelon for them. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said they have another guest to get in there, Jody ''Babydol'' Gibson, who was a madam out in California. He said there are a lot of chicks out there who try to do stuff like that but they don't get away with it. Howard read some notes about her and how she got caught. She went to prison for a little while and now she's released a book about her life called ''Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam.''
Howard had Gary bring Jody in a short time later. Jody said she never thought she'd get in trouble for what she was doing. She said she was targeted for what she was doing and she thought she was just putting Playboy chicks into better lives. She told Howard about how she had opened a modeling agency after releasing an album of her own. She said that she moved into the modeling agency thing and then started introducing the girls to guys. She realized what she was doing was right when she saw one of the girls show up in an expensive Mercedes.
Jody said that she had a relationship with Gary Busey for a while. Howard asked her about the prison she was sent to and if any chicks came on to her while she was there. She said that she had chicks coming on to her but she didn't have to do anything while she was there. She said that there was no one knew how to prepare her for her stay there in prison. She said that was very tough for her.
Howard said that two years of hard time ain't easy. She said that's true and it was 2 and a half years. She said that there were 20 other women there who were there for murders and things like that. She said she had a very good lifestyle before she went in. She said she went from having 500 pair of shoes to having one pair of sneakers in a 7x7 room with 20 other women.
Jody told Howard she came out of prison at only 85 pounds because she couldn't get the antibiotics she needed when she was in there... but that was another book. She told Howard about how she got her teeth knocked out while she was in prison after three women locked her in a room. She said all of the women are full of hate an anger and they see her on TV. She said she could have teamed up with someone else in there but she didn't want to become someone else's bitch. It gets very messy in there for some women.
Jody said that one of the girls there turned the lifers against her and then they locked her in a room and punched her until she lost some of her teeth. She said that was pretty crazy. She also talked about going to the doctor in prison and how he had a doctor jamming his fist inside of her. She said that the doctors are not very gentle when they do that stuff. Jody said they don't use any K-Y or anything while that's going on. The doctor's wife was also standing by and watching and smiling while he was doing the exam.
Howard asked Jody if she's sorry she got into all of that. She said she was doing pretty well at the time before she got into setting up the dates. She also said that the guards there were making fun of her after she got beat up. They don't do anything about it when there's a fight like that.
Howard asked Jody if she was running a bigger business than Heidi Fleiss. She said she was because she lasted longer. She said that Heidi actually worked for her back in 1990 but then she ran off and started her own business. Jody said Heidi didn't have the right look for her clientele. She was more of the Playboy Playmate type. She said that some of the women went on to become big stars but she won't give out any names.
Jody said that she does name some of the guys in her book. She said that Tommy Lasorda is one of the guys who she mentioned so Howard asked her about that. She said that Tommy had a girl that she had from Sweden. She liked Tommy because he was fast in bed. She said she charged him $1,500 to get him this woman. She kept all of that information in her payout log.
Jody talked about some of the other clients like Ben Affleck. She claims that he's packing 8 inches and after doing coke all night, he seemed like he could go forever. That's according to the prostitute that she sent out with him. Jody also claims that Bruce Willis had 4 women. Howard read that he ate out this one chick so he wondered how a guy can do that with a chick he doesn't even really know. He said he could never do that himself.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing audio clips of Tommy Lasorda yelling at someone making it sound like he was yelling at Jody. They had some fun with that for a short time. Howard said he'd be pissed if he did business with this chick and she outed him in her book. She said that they weren't friends of hers so she has no allegiance to them. Howard read through some other notes about some of the other guys she mentions in her book.
Howard asked Jody about how they cut off all of her hair in prison. She said they did it because they could. Jody told Howard that when Heidi got arrested, there were 13 other services that were busted but Heidi's got the most publicity at the time. She managed to miss it at that time and was given immunity. She said she was going to put a stop to it at the time but then she kept it going for another few years before she got busted.
Gary said that he read something about Heidi Fleiss being paid to have sex with a dog one time. Jody said that was according to a guy she was with at the time. She just told the story in her book. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Anna Nicole was ever one of her girls. She said she wished she had been but she never was. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard spoke to Jon Hein about what he said on the Wrap Up Show yesterday about not letting his kids vote on American Idol. He played some audio from that show and said he agrees with Jon about that. Jon said he doesn't want things to get out of control with the phone calls. Howard said he feels the same way and wouldn't want his kids feeling that they could just call anywhere in the world for any damn thing they pleased. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that before Jon got to his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the subjects they'd be covering today on the show. They'll talk about the Miss Black Howard Stern contest and about Eric the Midget's thoughts on Sanjaya among other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they do a thing on SternFanNetwork where they guess how many times Howard will say ''Anything else Robin?'' during the news. Artie said he wanted in on that. He guessed 7 times.
Mutt was on the phone to give his Superfan Roundtable preview. He said that they're going to have a few VIPs on the show like MarksFriggin, 18 Year old Playboy model Haydn Porter and Charlie, the new Miss Black Howard Stern. They have a bunch of things to talk about today and he quickly mentioned a few of those things before Howard let him go and had Robin start her news.
Robin did a quick news report and Howard wrapped up the show around 11:00am.
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Howard started off the show talking about how he hoped that Jackie the news intern was there. Robin told him that she doesn't get there until a little later in the morning. ?Howard said she's there to get hypnotized with some of the other girls on the show. Howard asked Gary when that's all going to happen. Gary said they're going to start it around 7:30. Howard talked about Dr. King and how he was going to be doing the hypnotizing. He said he'd love to be able to do that stuff himself. Gary said maybe you can send away to one of those comic book ads to get the X-ray specs.
Howard and Gary talked about Dr. King for a short time and how great it is to be able to hypnotize hot chicks. Howard changed subjects and talked about some frightening pictures of Barbara Bush in the paper today. He said that her eyes are bulging out of her head in the pictures and that's the way she looks. Robin said it's some kind so thyroid condition. Howard said it looked like George Bush was blowing air into her vagina making her eyes pop out. He figured that President Bush comes home and has to look at that and he probably can't believe he's married to that.
Howard also mentioned that Pete Rose has been kicked out of baseball finally. Robin said that he's supposed to go through rehab. Howard said that guy is very pompous and arrogant and he hopes he goes away. He said he could care less about him or baseball. He said he's got better things on his mind like hypnotizing girls.
Howard said they're going to work on trying to get rid of Stuttering John's stutter as well. He said if they do stop that stutter, John will get fired.
The caller also told Howard about going to college up at Boston University and how he's hoping he can get laid up there. Howard said anyone can get laid at that college. He said he had his fair share of chicks up there. He said it started out slow but he was able to get laid a few times when he was going there. Robin asked him how many girls he had there. That led to them talking about the number of women Howard has had. Howard figured he had sex with about 27 women before he got married. He said he met his wife and stopped having sex even though he could have had sex the week after he met his wife.
Howard said that 27 came between the ages of 16 and 21. He thought that was a pretty good number. Robin said that was pretty good for 4 years. Howard asked Jackie how many he had. Jackie said he had a lot more than 27. Howard said that he's wondering why else he'd want to live if he can't get laid again. Howard said he likes the thrill of a new girl. He said he was talking about some news woman, Perry Peltz, he likes and how he's pretty sure he could get her with the reputation he has. He said he spoke to a few people about her over at the station she works at. It could have been perfect if he had been able to get a date with her. He said he was ready to close the deal but he's married so he can't even make that happen.
Howard said he was working on a new bit called ''Larry King's Bachelor Party'' that they should have for next week. He said they also have a big anniversary show coming up next week. They've been in New York radio for 7 years now. He said he's pretty sure that it's the 7th year at the end of the month. They'd been there since 1982. Howard said that they're putting some effort into it and they'll be working on that stuff at his house. He told the caller he had to take a break after that.
Howard said he knows that Tom makes a lot of money doing what he does and he doesn't deserve it. He said Tom probably figures he's underpaid at $308,000 per year there but he really doesn't deserve it. He said Tom has it pretty easy there and doesn't even get blamed if they don't get decent ratings on the station.
Howard kept talking about the 17 carts he needs for this bit he's working on. He told Gary to go down to WJIT and see if he could take some from him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he was watching the news yesterday and saw John F. Kennedy Jr. on the news. He said that guy gets ton's of hot chicks and has them coming on to him all the time. He said it must be quite a life. He figures it must turn women on that he went to law school and has this job paying him $30,000 a year. He said they're still jumping through hoops to get near him even though he's got that low paying job. Howard can't get women without hypnotizing them.
Howard asked Robin what was in the news. She brought up a story about this McMillan family where the father had killed his family so Howard had a quick song parody to sing about that. He sang the song to the tune of the Addams Family theme song but said they really had to work on it a little more.
Howard mentioned that they're going to be doing a trivia contest on the show tomorrow as part of the anniversary celebration for the show. He said that they have some cool prizes for the winners. One of the prizes involved a trip to a Rolling Stones concert with a limo. The runners up in the contest get a ride to the concert in a bus. That led to the guys talking about how the driver of the bus might be Ted Kennedy. When Howard heard that he went into his Ted Kennedy impression and goofed on him for a short time. He said it was great that Ted grew up ugly.
Howard wondered if any girls had shown up for the hypnotism thing today. Robin said she saw some girls out there. Gary came in and said that some of the girls looked good. Howard figured Gary was going to get some of the girls when he should really be the one getting them.
Robin got back to her news and read through some more stories. Stuttering John came in at one point to talk about one of the stories that Robin brought up. The story was about a sexual education class that was offered at a school. John had taken the class so he talked about that for a short time. Howard told John that he should really cut his fingernails because it was really vile to look at. John said he doesn't care about how he looks but Howard said it's kind of disturbing.
John talked about some of the homework in that sex ed class. He said that one of the homework assignments was to draw a picture of your own genitals. Howard had some fun talking about that. He figured the professor's name was probably like Dick Hertz. He said something about how he had gone home and squeezed his testicles for extra credit.
Stuttering John said he had to go out and interview people and ask them if they had ever had thoughts about doing gay stuff. He talked about some of the other homework assignments and movies that they had to watch. Howard eventually told John to get out of there with that nonsense and had Robin get back to her news. They went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard asked where Gary had gone to because he wanted to get Jackie the Intern in there. Gary came in and said that Howard was being a big loud mouth so Howard told him he was fired. Gary said he was fine with that. Gary said he didn't hear Howard asking for him and there were 50 people out there who should have come in to let him know. Gary didn't even know why he was being called in there.
Howard told Gary to get out of there and fired him once again. Jackie the Intern and Dr. King were brought in a short time later. Howard asked Dr. King if he could cure John's stutter. Dr. King said he could do that if he really wanted him to. He could stop the stutter until he wanted it to come back too. Howard said maybe they should make him stutter worse instead.
Howard asked Dr. King if they should talk about what to do to Jackie in front of her or not. He suggested they not talk about it in front of her. Howard asked if they had a perfect subject with Jackie the Intern. He said they did so Howard let Jackie leave the room so they could discuss it. Howard told Dr. King that he wanted her all over him and he wanted her to orgasm loudly.
Howard said there is no better doctor than Dr. King. He asked him what it would cost him to have him walking around hypnotizing women for him all day. He didn't wait for an answer, he just got into the Jackie the Intern thing. He told Dr. King to go off and try working on Jackie while he spoke to some of the other girls there. They ended up talking about Bo the Lesbian a little bit and that led to Dr. King talking about how he had a guy who was gay who he was able to turn straight.
Howard told Dr. King that he wants to make Jackie the Intern hot for him. He told Dr. King to go out and make that happen. A short time later after an edited out commercial break, Howard said he got the word that Jackie the Intern was a good subject. She came in with Dr. King and he told Howard that she was an incredible subject. He said it didn't take long to figure out that she was going to work out well.
Dr. King said you really feel relaxed and fresh after going under hypnosis. He said he was going to allow Howard to hold one of his balls... one of his crystal balls... and show that to Jackie. Howard showed it to her and that put her to sleep. Dr. King put her into a deeper sleep and then said he was going to talk to Howard about what they wanted to do with her.
Dr. King suggested that they tell her that she was with Howard in a room last night and Howard was devastating in bed. Howard told Robin to interview her about that. Dr. King then told Jackie what she was going to think when she woke up and she was going to think it was for real. She woke up a short time later and Robin asked her what had gone on the night before. Jackie laughed and said that she and Howard went to a hotel and she was with him. Her dream came true and she got to do stuff with Howard in the hotel room in a heart shaped bed. She was laughing quite a bit as she was telling the story. She said they took a shower together and did things in there.
Robin asked detailed questions about what went on there. Jackie talked about the bubbles flying in the air and how she had champagne and had Howard kissing her neck and stuff like that. Howard let her go through the story for a short time while she thought that they were in a commercial break. He came back from the fake break and asked Jackie if she wanted to talk more about it on the air. She told Robin not to say anything to anyone about what had gone on. Gary said he got an erection during that discussion. He said that she was talking about all of the stuff that she'd really want when she was making up this fantasy. Howard said the reality wouldn't have been as nice. He said he would have been farting at some point.
Dr. King brought Jackie back out of her sleep so Howard talked to her a little bit more. Jackie was saying that Howard is the only guy she wants to look at in the room. She said that he belongs on the cover of GQ because he's so good looking. Howard played along and said that he just pretends that he's not good looking. Howard said that she loves his personality and also loves his body. Jackie said that he really does have a great body and she's never been with someone like that before.
Jackie said that she'd like to live with Howard and they'd have to stay in Manhattan if they did that. Dr. King put her under again and made her think that when Howard farted, it was disgusting. Howard then pretended to start farting with fart sound effects and had her thinking that he was blasting away. She ran out of the studio because they smelled so bad. Howard asked Dr. King to please help him out and make Jackie in love with him. He told him they were going to bring in another girl after the break and have them fight over him. He gave Dr. King some more ideas for what he could hypnotize the girls to do.
Jackie came back in the studio so Howard blasted out some more farts and told her that he really can't control it. She got upset with him about farting so much but he said he just couldn't stop. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Jackie on his lap and had her touching his hair and stuff like that. She was giggling and saying that he had too much clothing on. Howard took his jacket off and thanked Dr. King for what he was doing. Dr. King put her under again and had her falling in love with Howard even more. Howard was telling her how much he loved when she was rubbing him and kissing his neck. Dr. King put her under again. He had her saying that she would give him anything she wanted while she was there. Howard asked her if she ever thought she'd be like that with him. She said she did but it was even better than she thought it would be.
Jackie said that it was Howard physically that was turning her on, not just his personality. Howard told Dr. King he was a genius as he was putting Jackie back under. King was telling her to kiss Howard when she came out of it but Howard said he couldn't do that.
Howard said that today is Jackie the Intern's last day there and then she asked if she could get a kiss. Howard let her kiss him but didn't go as far as Dr. King had told her to go. Howard said goodbye to her a short time later and said that they're going to miss her. She kept kissing him before saying goodbye to him. Howard told Dr. King to put her under again so he could talk to him. He told King he might need to hypnotize his wife because she won't understand this at all.
Howard told Dr. King to keep the girls in their trances for a while. He also told him to go work on the other girls while they talked. After coming back from an edited out commercial Howard was rubbing his nose which was supposed to be turning Jackie on. She was giggling and laughing as he was doing it. Then Gary told him that he had a call from Jackie's father. Howard picked up the call and Dad told Howard that he was going to be the first guy to be castrated with a broken nose. He asked him what he was doing to his poor daughter. Jackie said that nothing had happened and she was very confused right now. Howard told Jackie to leave the room so he could talk to her father. She was worried that someone was mad at her but Howard told her that no one was mad.
Howard told Jackie's dad that his daughter was a hot little fireball when she was under hypnosis. He said that he was a gentleman during the whole thing. He said he didn't do anything wrong. Jackie's father said he wasn't sure about that because he couldn't see what was going on. He let the guy go a short time later.
Howard said he wants Jackie back in there. He was also saying that he'd like to get Meg Griffin in there too when she comes in. He said he doesn't think that they could get her hypnotized at all. He had a caller on the line who was saying that this guy was great and had probably beat out Sam Kinison as the best guest on the show. He was also telling Howard that he should have Dr. King hypnotize him and bring out the 10 year old Howard Stern. Howard said he's not sure that would work on him, he's not sure he could be hypnotized.
The guys talked about how hot Jackie was during that whole thing earlier. Howard joked that Fred had ''inserted himself into the cart machine'' during that segment earlier. He had to take a quick break before getting to more of that.
Howard said that none of the girls ever grab his crotch like he'd like them to do. He said he really doesn't want that but it would be good for the show. He had a bunch of girls come in and said hello to each of them. The first woman said she had called in and asked to come in recently. She's 35 and a model and claims to look like Natalie Wood. Howard also said hello to Lauren who was another girl who was there to be hypnotized. Those two were hypnotizable while some of the other girls weren't. Howard had Dr. King do his thing with the one girl who was an aerobics instructor. Dr. King then had him pick up his crystal ball and swing it back and forth. He put her under and then Howard told him what he wanted to do. He told him to make it happen for him and said he wants them to go into wild orgasms when he rubs his chest. Dr. King worked his magic and told the girls what they were going to do.
Howard said he hopes his wife just turns off her radio while this is going on. He woke her up a short time later and Howard told Linnie and Lauren that they were off the air. Robin asked the girls what they were up to with Howard. Lauren said that she and Howard had gone into a bathroom to mess around but Linnie said that she wasn't with him, she was. She said it was early this morning and she didn't think that Lauren had been with her. Linnie said that she and Howard had messed around in the bathroom and screwed around and played Twister in the nude. She said they got all tangled up and had some fun. She said they were trying to do it standing up but it wasn't working very well so they slipped to the floor. She said it turned out to be better than she expected it to be too.
Howard asked Lauren to describe what they had done. She filled in the details of their mutual massaging. She said that she knows how to give really good massages so that's what she was doing for him. She said that Howard is a big man and isn't as small as he claims to be.
Howard said he was hoping that the girls were going to really fight over him. He asked Dr. King what else he could do. King said they could do the same thing that they did with Jackie. Howard said he wanted them less inhibited and orgasming when they touch him or something. Dr. King worked his magic on the girls for a short time and then the girls came back in. Howard talked to Linnie again and had her touching him. He talked to her while she was feeling him and waiting for her to orgasm. She said she would like to give him a nice massage. Howard asked her if she was getting turned on more by him than other men. She said that he was doing it to her right then. Howard invited Lauren over while they were doing that. Linnie didn't want to leave, she just kept touching him.
Dr. King came over and told the girls that they had to really get into this and get worked up while they were touching Howard. He brought them out again and they kept feeling him up. Not too much was happening though. Then Linnie started moaning a bit and said she was feeling so good inside. Howard said he liked that they were touching him and started moaning a little bit himself.
Lauren was kissing Howard's fingers and getting off on that. Howard wasn't sure what else he could do after that. He said that both of them were very sensuous women. He also said he likes when he hears them scream so they did a little more of that. Fred threw in a dog howling sound clip when he heard that.
Howard spoke to the girls a little bit after letting them come out of their hypnosis. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy said they have to get Meg in there and get her hypnotized. Howard said that he was going to put his shirt back on for the girls. Then he was asking them to bark for him. If they barked he was going to let them touch him. The girls didn't want to do it though.
Stuttering John told Howard that Meg was there so Howard told Dr. King to go do his thing with her. Howard had Linnie and Lauren sit back down and spent a few more minutes talking to them. He took a few more phone calls as well. The callers thought the whole thing was incredible. Stuttering John said that Meg was still debating if she should do it or not. Howard had him bring her in so he could try to convince her himself.
Howard said that Meg is very uptight. He asked Jackie to go out and convince her to come in. Jackie said he would carry her in if he had to. Howard told him to go ahead and do that then. Meg came in a short time later and Robin said she looked like she was afraid of everything. Meg wasn't interested but Howard promised her that he wouldn't do anything bad with her. She wasn't going to do anything but Howard begged until she said she would do it. She was more afraid of what Howard was going to do than what Dr. King was going to do.
Howard sent Meg off to be hypnotized and spent a little more time with Linnie and Lauren. Gary came in a short time later and said they were still working on Meg. Howard wondered what they should do with her if it works. He and Robin figured they were going to do the nose rubbing thing that would make her feel really good. While they waited Howard gave one of the girls an orgasm by letting her touch him. Lauren was going nuts watching that one according to Jackie. Howard asked her if she wanted one like that. She said she wanted one in private.
Gary said that Dr. King is working very hard on Meg but he seems to be trying very hard and may just be able to do it. He came back a short time later and said that Dr. King had given him the thumbs up for Meg. Howard gave Linnie and Lauren a little more pleasure by letting them touch his hand. He said they know they wanted that and kept going with that for a short time.
Howard let Linnie and Lauren go and had Meg come in. He asked her how that went. She said it felt funny. Howard asked Dr. King what they could do there. Dr. King said she had an excellent frame of mind and she was a great pleasure to work with. He put her to sleep a few seconds later so they could figure out what to do with her. Howard wanted to get Meg to fall in love with him. Dr. King worked his magic on Meg and told her that she had a nice breakfast with Howard and then went up to a hotel room where Howard showed her a few new ideas. He told her that she was going to reveal all of this stuff to Robin because she was her close friend.
When Dr. King brought her out of her sleep she came up and Howard asked her to tell Robin what she did with him this morning. She wasn't playing along and said she was home with her boyfriend this morning. She didn't seem to be under any hypnosis at all and was kind of goofing on the whole situation. Dr. King put her back to sleep and tried to get her to play along. It wasn't working. She was goofing on Howard when he rubbed his nose instead of having an orgasm like Dr. King was trying to make her do. She said she has a strong mind and will so that might be why she's not falling under this spell. Howard said she might just be uptight.
Dr. King tried to make her hand get stuck to a can by putting her under again. That didn't work either. Howard said all he cares about is that Dr. King got Jackie the Intern to go under. He wondered why it didn't work on her. Howard told Dr. King he did a good job with the others so he wasn't unhappy at all. Meg said she heard just a couple of minutes of the show so she didn't know what to expect.
Howard had Jackie the intern come back in to talk about what she had gone through. Dr. King put her under again and told her that she was going to get jealous of Meg and get very upset that she was hitting on Howard. Jackie then came out of it and asked Howard why Meg was laughing. Howard told her that she was flirting with him, that's why. Jackie said that she knew that Meg had a boyfriend and that she wasn't hitting on him. Howard spent a few minutes talking to the two of them but Meg still wasn't going along with the story even though they were supposed to be just goofing around. Meg was laughing at Howard as he was pretending to be in love with her.
Dr. King put Jackie under and told her that Howard had taken his thing out and Meg was holding it in her hand across the console. Howard said they really have to wrap up with Dr. King. Then they made reference to Howard's ''thing'' being on the console. He asked Meg to please touch it as Jackie the Intern was laughing. Howard told Meg that she was the best and said he was putting it closer to her. Meg told him to get away from her. Jackie didn't seem to have a problem with her doing what she was doing.
Howard asked Jackie if she wanted to touch it. She was just laughing and said that she didn't want to touch it with so many people there. Howard wrapped up with Dr. King and said he had to go to break after that. He rubbed his nose for Jackie one more time and she got another giggle from that. He said maybe he'd spend some time alone with her later. He ended the show around 10:00am (Master Tape Theatre time).