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Howard and the guys were back from their week long vacation this morning. Howard was down in Miami Beach for his vacation and so was Robin. Howard wasn't aware of that and said that he asked her if she was going down there because they could have gotten together. Robin said Howard never asked her but Artie remembers Howard asking her and wasn't sure if either of them heard the other when they had that discussion. Howard said he was hanging out with Beyonce and Jay-Z instead.
Howard said he enjoys going down to Florida but the last time he was in Miami was about 30 years ago. Now it's a booming city and he's very surprised at just how built up it is now. He said that the gays seemed to have moved on from that area. There's a lot of construction going on down there though. Artie said that he stayed down there a few years back and there were a lot of hot chicks there when he was there.
Howard said that he ate at the Delano for dinner and it's a great place for single guys because there are so many hot chicks there. He said that they're super sophisticated though so you have to have something going on to pick them up. Artie said it's either that or you have to be a male model.
Howard said that someone got a picture of him in his bathing suit and it was in the NY Post this weekend. He was staying at a hotel down there that was pretty cool so things were pretty relaxing. The pool was quite a scene down there and Beth told him that she thought she had seen Oprah Winfrey there. Howard said they have areas set up for people to just sit in privately and as they walked by one section, Beth said that she thought she had seen Oprah. Howard wanted to get out of there if she was really there. He didn't want to mess with her. He didn't want to stop to find out if it was her.
Howard said he saw Jason Binn, Donny Deutsch and others down there. He said that Donny has backed him up in this CBS lawsuit that was filed against him. That got Howard talking about the lawsuit for a short time. He was going off on Leslie Moonves during that discussion. He said that Les knows nothing about the lawsuit and he's been educated on Les over the past few weeks. Now Sumner Redstone is making comments about the suit even though just a few weeks ago he came up to him and congratulated him on his move when he saw him out at dinner one night.
Howard said that he saw Jay-Z and Beyonce down in Miami and Beyonce is looking really good these days. He said that she must have had something done to her because she's thinned down a bit. Howard said he didn't even see Jay-Z there because he just doesn't see people. He said he shook their hands but didn't have much else to say to them so that was about it.
Howard said that he and Beth were just sitting out on chaise lounges at the pool but Jay-Z and Beyonce have a big bodyguard that hangs around them. Jay-Z would cover her up with a towel as soon as she got out of the pool and he now realizes why that is. He said he was laughing that there were pictures of them in the NY Post all week long. The laughter stopped once Howard's picture ended up in the paper though. He said that Beth was afraid that she was going to have her picture end up in the paper but he said her body is in the best shape it's ever been. Howard's body isn't in that great of shape though.
Howard told Robin that his picture is in yesterday's NY Post so she looked it up as Howard described just how bad he thought he looked. Robin didn't have that edition though. She has it in her car though. Beth was upset that she was in the paper but she did buy a bunch of copies to send to family. She looked fine to Howard but he knows he looked horrible. He said he's always bent over like a money lender.
Richard Christy came in and told Howard he didn't think he looked that bad. He didn't look flabby to him but Howard thinks he's looking like Tony Soprano these days.
Richard said that there's some great animation movies in there as well. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that they have some budget issues and that's why they're limiting the final movies to 8. Howard said that if they have 12 great ones though, they should have 12 finalists. Doug said that it's not up to him and they have a contract with the theater so they have to be out of there by 10 o'clock.
Doug said he has to deflect those complaints to other people who set that whole thing up. They're actually going to be loading the theater with another show after the film festival. He said that there's also a show before the film festival so it's going to be kind of nuts. They're going to have a red carpet walk there at the theater so Howard figures they're going to have to rush through things. Doug said they start loading their stuff into the theater at around noon and the show starts at 7. The red carpet thing starts about an hour before the show so they'll be fine.
Howard said they'll probably be rolling up the carpet as they're walking in. They're going to probably run overtime with the show too. He thinks that they may be interacting with the fans and stuff like that. Howard suggested that they run the films at double speed so they can get them out of the way fast enough.
Doug told Howard that they're going to push to get things done. Howard told him that he looks kind of strange since he got his laser eye surgery as do a couple of other guys on the show who got the surgery done. He said that Doug can't really see that well since he got the surgery done and the laser must have cut into his brain and thought process. Doug said he did smell things burning when that was going on so maybe that did happen.
Howard said he's picturing the film festival going all wrong with films melting and stuff like that. Doug said he was shocked when he found out that the theater is loading another show after theirs. He wasn't the one making the deal for that, there were others involved and he was just as surprised as Howard is. Howard told Doug that they should find another theater if that's the case. Doug said they have a signed contract already so he can't do much about it.
Howard told Doug that he should have done something about this as soon as he found out that they wouldn't have enough time to do everything. Doug said he was told after the contract was signed about all of that stuff and it was too late at that point. Artie said that maybe they can get rid of that 10 o'clock show. Howard told him to say ''no'' the next time something like that comes up. Doug said he was a little bit out of the loop on that part of the whole thing. He said he now knows that he has to be in on everything. Howard told Doug to leave there in shame so that's just what Doug did.
Richard said that there are a lot of great movies coming in and there are a lot of fat guys who are playing the part of Artie in them. The guys said that there are probably some great movies coming in because film students could make some great money by winning this thing. Sal came in and said that every fat guy from Jersey is playing Artie in these movies. He also said that this one movie he watched was really great and he's the one who scored it with a 100.
Howard said that Sam Simon has written the script for ''Really Desperate Howard Wives'' that will be their first radio sitcom. He read the script and he thinks that they should animate it because it's so funny. He said that the opening scene is Beth beating his dog Bianca and it reads so smooth that it's going to be great. He said that it's so good that it's ''phenomenal.'' Artie saw Sam over vacation because he was out in Los Angeles last week.
Howard said that he's put his animated series ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' on the back burner for now but he may show the trailer he had created at the festival. He said he's got a lot of work right now and he's put that whole thing on hold for now.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to tell Doug Goodstein that the Howard TV On Demand thing is probably the greatest thing to happen to TV ever. Howard said that it is great and they're still rolling things out on there so it's just going to get better. The caller asked if he could have tickets to the festival so Howard hooked him up but said they have to start having people working for tickets from now on.
Robin said that she was listening to Bubba's show recently and he's got some woman coming in with him to the film festival but she wants to give oral to Dan the Song Parody Man and Bubba is waiting to hear back from him. Howard said that they actually met that chick at the Daniel Carver roast.
Robin said that she was out on her boat while she was down in Miami. Captain Dennis had given her lessons and she took possession of her boat while she was down there. She was out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on her boat and the water was an amazing blue color that she was very impressed by. She's planning on going to the Bahamas eventually.
Howard said he can't even make it around the block in his car so there's no way he'd ever get on a boat and try to navigate to the Bahamas. Robin said it is pretty tough stuff to learn. Howard thinks he'd end up in Iraq if he tried to sail to the Bahamas.
Howard asked Robin if she can drive herself places on her boat by herself. She said she can do some things like pulling into the docks and stuff. That led to them talking about Dominic Barbara's boating. Artie and Howard went on a trip one time and Dominic ended up running over a guy on a dinghy. There was also an incident where they think Dominic shit his pants and disappeared for an hour to clean himself up.
Howard said that he went to the Nobu in Miami while he was there last week. He said he spent the whole time thinking that people were looking at him and making comments about everyone around the pool. He said he has a love/hate relationship with that stuff.
Howard was actually down in Miami looking for a house so he saw some really nice stuff there. He said he saw Matt Damon hanging out down there. He was also talking about how Rosie O'Donnell hangs out down there and that led to him talking about her TV special. He said that the more he sees of her, the more he's digging her. He said that Rosie did this gay cruise special and it showed how great she is with her adopted kids. He said it's kind of beautiful and she did a great job with the gay cruise.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched Howard TV On Demand all weekend long. He said it was amazing and he's going to have to get it on his cable system. Howard said that's what he loves to hear because he gets asked by a lot of people why he took his show off regular TV. They can do anything they want with the On Demand stuff so hearing this guy talking about how great it is makes his day.
The caller said he watched one segment where Sal's cousin was showing her tits and a segment where Rev. Bob Levy does his stand up act for about 15 minutes. Howard hasn't seen Sal's cousin yet but he knows it's in the New Year's Eve party feature. Howard said that they're also going to have the film festival movie entries on there as well. He had to take a break after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in to give them a Howard 100 News preview. Lisa told Howard she liked the picture of him in the NY Post over the weekend. She said she likes the hair off of his face. Howard showed the picture to Artie and asked if that's really what he looks like. Artie and Robin said that he looks kind of like that but not as fat as he appears in the picture. Lisa said that Beth has no stomach at all. Howard said she thinks she has a stomach but she hardly eats anything for dinner. She'll eat a lot of deserts though.
Howard said he looks fat in that picture and that he put on 12 pounds over the past couple of months since getting sick. He said that he looks even worse because he's standing next to Beth who is like the skinniest person on the planet.
Lisa gave Howard a rundown of what they had coming up on today's Howard 100 News. She said they're going to be talking to the softball team that was used in Artie's movie and they've issued a challenge to the Stern Show to have a softball game. Howard said ''who cares...'' and then moved on to talk about how good David Spade's movie ''Bench Warmers'' did. Gary said that the movie is actually great for 11 or 12 year old boys. He took his kids to see it and they loved it. He said that there are a lot of fart jokes and stuff like that in it.
Lisa said that they're going to talk about how much Howard's name is worth since Muhammad Ali sold 80 percent of his name for $50 million. That got Howard talking about this guy who is buying up celebrity names and managing them. Howard said he called the guy to find out what he's worth but never heard back from the guy. That guy manages the Elvis Presley estate and now Muhammad Ali's.
Lisa said that they'll also be talking about Eric the Midget and how he says he won't come back on the show until Will Murray is fired. Will and Jason will have their Page 69 gossip segment on today's news as well. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard had Allison on the phone to talk about all of this. She told Howard that she had to resign because she would have had to make a statement today at work about what she did. She didn't want to do that so she resigned from her job as a child abuse investigator down in Florida. Allison told Howard about her job and what she was responsible for. She had to investigate possible child abuse cases. Howard asked why it is that just because she got naked, she can't do that job.
Allison said that the office wasn't aware of what she had done last year when she appeared naked for the first time. She was told that she would be fired if she appeared on the show again. She said it wasn't even the nude part of the whole thing, it was just that she was appearing on Howard's show.
Allison said that she's not going to stay in that field any longer because of all of this. She said she's ready to move on now. Howard suggested that she become a stripper or prostitute now since she's lost some weight. Howard said it's very hypocritical for these people to say that getting naked means she can't do her job. He thinks it all has to do with her appearing on his show.
Allison told Howard that she enjoyed appearing on the show and she hopes to be able to come back again sometime. Howard let Allison go a short time later.
Howard played a news report from the WB 11 local station and they were making it seem like bringing 30 percent of his audience over wasn't a big deal. Howard said that they have 4 million people now and every month more and more people are joining. He said that his audience isn't going to come over all at once, they're slowly going to move over. It's only been 3 months so far, give it a year and then do a report. He said that they've added 3.5 million people since he announced he was moving to satellite so that's a huge success in his eyes.
Howard played another report where a reporter said that many Stern fans never signed up for satellite as if they could never come over in the future. Howard pointed out that SIRIUS had a great, record setting, fourth quarter with radio sales. He said that the reporters don't seem to get that they're actually very successful so far.
In another report a reporter said that NPR has had a great jump in listeners since Howard left radio so that must be where his listeners went. Howard said that the more news reports he hears, the less he respects them because they don't seem to be doing any research into their stories. He wants to know where their evidence is that NPR has gained his listeners.
Robin read a similar story about how he hasn't brought over more than 30 percent of his listeners to satellite radio. Howard said that there isn't another person out there that could bring that many people to satellite radio but no one will write that. They're only 3 months into this whole thing so it's just begun.
Robin read another article about the FCC fining that's going on with the TV and radio industries. The article is saying that the radio industry is next on the list for big fines so they have to watch out.
A caller said that he wanted to get some tickets for the film festival and had some ideas for what he could do. Howard and Robin said that Bubba is electrocuting people for stuff on his show so they have to have people do some crazy stuff. The caller said that he was going to try to give his wife anal while on the phone. Howard told him that he's got to tell her that she's on the phone when he does that but if he makes it happen, he'll win tickets.
The caller put his wife on the phone and Howard told her what she had to do to win the tickets. He told her that she was going to have to take anal from her husband. She said that was fine and started giving him oral. She said that she has a great face but didn't want to say how much she weighs on the air. The guy said that he was ready to go and that he might be able to get it in there for a ''few strokes.'' She wanted some lube before she went in there. He started stabbing at her and she let out a couple of ''Oww!'' comments. She claimed that he was in there but she pulled away a short time later.
Howard told the guy he'd give him one ticket because she didn't give him enough. Howard told the guy she had to do it for a full minute to win two tickets. She said she would let him back in and laughed the whole time it was going on. Howard told the guy to put a curling iron in there instead. He had her get back on the phone and told the woman that she had to put the curling iron in her butt but she said that wasn't going to happen. Howard ended up giving them the tickets even though they didn't do that great.
Gary asked the woman what she weighs after they were done with them. She said she's about 240! Everyone let out an ''OH!'' when they heard that. She said that she was at the Daniel Carver Roast and they would have seen her there. She said that she's 5'9'' tall. The husband got back on the phone and said that she really wasn't that heavy, she is overweight but not quite 240.
Howard said he was talking to a magazine owner friend of his who was pointing out how successful a magazine would be if it got as many subscribers as Howard has brought over to satellite with him.
Howard said there's another story about how Carmen Electra might be losing her job with Max Factor. He played a news report about Carmen where they talked about her ride on the Sybian and how her marriage to Dave Navarro may be on the skids. Howard said it seems like they're making more news since moving to satellite than they were before. He thought they were going to just go away once they moved to satellite.
Howard had the guy go at it with the wife. She was moaning and the husband claimed that he had finished in about 30 seconds. Howard didn't believe him and had him swear on the life of his next child that he had done it. He did that so Howard gave the guy tickets. He said that from now on they need people to come down to the studio to do their thing.
Howard said he had to let her go but Wendy asked him for some money because she needs a new monitor for her computer. Howard said that she's done this to him before and asked for stuff. He said that they're losing money on this whole thing with everyone asking for stuff.
Gary told Howard that Wendy left a message for them over the weekend when she was drunk so he had Howard play that. Wendy left the message and just cursed and babbled to Howard. Wendy told Howard she's been drinking a lot because she misses her dad. Artie thinks that he's a bad influence on her and she should stop listening to him. Howard played some more of the message where she was cursing and doing Artie's ''FI-AH'' thing. She told Howard how much she loves him and things like that in her message.
Howard told Wendy that she sounds like Ronnie the Limo Driver cursing the way she was. He played a couple more clips from the message and told her she was pretty wild. He asked her about the time that she shoved a tomato in her ass. She said she ate that tomato and it tasted just like a tomato to her. She said she wasn't paying attention and didn't know what she was doing at the time. Wendy said she's also put her finger in her ass. She told Howard he should try it because it's good.
Howard said he's smelled his finger after it's been near his ass but he's never put it in his mouth. Wendy said she's having a great time while her mother is away. He told her not to put any tomatoes up her ass while she's not there.
Artie asked her what she eats while her mother is away. She said that she gets 2 Pizza Hut pizzas with everything on them and cheese in the crust. She also said that she's up to 230 pounds right now. Artie laughed and told her she's got the life. She said she also eats McDonalds for dinner. She said she has 2 Big Macs, 3 orders of fries and 3 cokes... Then she has a salad for desert. Howard asked her if she looks at her doody after eating all of that. She said she overflowed the toilet just last night trying to flush one of her doodies down.
Wendy said she was going to save one of her doodies in a plastic bag but she wasn't even sure why she wanted to save it. Artie said it's because she's retarded. They also asked her if she ever sees her mother crying. Wendy said she does but she thinks it's because she misses her husband. Artie and Howard told her that wasn't the right answer and it's probably because her daughter wants to save her doody in a plastic bag.
Wendy said that she'll be eating her pizza around noon or whenever she's hungry. Artie said that when you have pizza with cheese in the crust, you know that this country just wants it's people to die. Howard asked Wendy to call them back when she has to go doody because he wants to hear that. She was telling him how red her face had gotten when she took her last dump and he wanted to hear that on the phone.
Robin said that she finds it hard to believe that she's home all alone. Howard replayed some of her voice mail message and then said that maybe her mother just left for good and she's not coming home.
Howard said that he had to take a break but he played an audio clip of Paris Hilton singing Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner. He said it would just piss people off hearing her singing it. He went to break right after playing the awful performance from Paris.
Howard said that Bubba's show is looking very gay these days. He said he has to talk to him about this stuff. He had some pictures from his show where he's shaving a black guy's balls, spraying a guy's balls with carb cleaner and some other gay stuff. He said he's going to call into Bubba's show today and talk to him about this stuff.
Gary told Howard that this guy has a story here so Howard let the guy tell his side of it. Albert started to get into it but Howard was getting bored so he had Gary tell the story instead. Gary said that this guy was a high school football coach and he turned the team around. The parents all loved him so they threw him a big party. All the while there was a 14 year old calling him and asking to have sex with him. He said that he thought she was 16 or 17 at least and didn't know that she was just 14. She was taller than he was and didn't look 14.
Gary said that the guy went to this big party and got a little drunk. When he got home she was waiting at his doorstep. He invited her in and talked to her for a long time. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, it happened. Albert said that he did her just once. Then two weeks later she showed up at his door again and asked to come in and talk to him. He turned her away and she threatened to go tell everyone what happened. He still turned her away and she did tell everyone and ruined his life.
Albert said he's not even allowed to go to high school football games anymore because of this. He told Howard about how he was told about how he was under investigation. That went on for about a year and then it hit the news and he was the subject of every news story at the time.
Howard asked him why he didn't just say he didn't do it. Albert said he did deny it because that's what his lawyer told him to do. Albert said that his attorney took a plea bargain so that's what he did. He was advised that the family would suggest that he not go to jail and he'd get out of it. That didn't happen, the judge made it clear to him that he had done wrong and it was up to her if he went to jail.
Howard didn't think the story was all that great but Gary said it appeared to be better on paper. He had claimed that the people in the area actually chased the girl and her family from the area because they liked the coach so much.
Albert said he's working in a plastics plant now and he hates it. He only got the job because it was a favor from a friend. He was also saying that he's kind of upset about being labeled as a sex offender because there are many types of sex offenders. Howard told him to stay away from anyone under the age of 25 from now on. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said when he was on vacation a woman and her husband walked out of the restaurant they were in because he was there. He didn't know it was going on but Beth saw it all go down and he's never had that happen to him before.
Gary Garver asked Jane Fonda how the Iraq war differs from Vietnam and she walked away immediately without answering him. Garver then asked Lilly Tomlin if she regrets not becoming a doctor. She said that she doesn't regret that. Garver asked her who she would like to do a sex scene with in Hollywood. She didn't really have an answer so Garver asked her if she would like to do it with Angelina Jolie. She said no to that and that was it for her interview.
Howard read a note from Steve Vai who was happy to hear that Howard was playing one of his songs on the air. It's the ''Fuck Yourself'' song that they've been playing in recent weeks. Fred played a short clip from the song. Howard said there's a great guitar riff at the end of the song but he didn't sit through the whole thing to hear it.
Howard said he got a note about a bit that George Carlin does where he talks about the ads for Classmates.com and how he hates getting them because he doesn't have any desire to hear from those people these days. He read some of the other stuff that Carlin talks about in his latest comedy routine. There's a discussion about flavored water and how there is no such thing. It's called a soft drink. He said there's also a bit about how ''the bigger the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole there is ordering it.''
Howard replayed the Paris Hilton audio clip that he played earlier and talked about how annoying it is. JD then came in and told Howard that the bits he was reading were not from George Carlin, they were Bill Maher's bits from his ''New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer '' book. Howard said that Bill's book is very funny and then he explained how he thinks he knows why Bill got so mad at them and stopped coming on the show. He said that Bill asked him to go into business with him a few years ago and he turned him down. He thinks that's why bill started calling the show a ''den of vipers'' and other things.
Howard mentioned that there's a new web site out there called LesMoonvesSucks.com. He also mentioned that his On Demand programming is going to be available in hotels around the country.
Howard read an article about how SIRIUS is getting more visitors through their web site than XM is now. They're getting 2.3 million visitors per month compared to XM's 1.6 million.
Sal said that he's not going to act like an asshole if he gets invited to the party. He said he was ready to blow his brains out after the whole email thing a couple of weeks ago and he's been reading some books and getting over his odd behavior. Howard was also talking about the way Sal acted at his party by sliding into his crotch on his knees.
Gary asked if they could shave him and spray his balls with carb cleaner. Sal said he's willing to do that to go to Robin's party. Howard asked him if he would get waxed to be invited to the party. Sal said that was a tough one for him. He's not sure he could do that but he's willing to get shaved and have the carb cleaner sprayed on his balls. Richard said that some people squat over a candle to get the hair burned off instead of waxing it.
Fred was telling Sal that spraying that carb cleaner, which is poisonous, is dangerous. Sal said that he would take IcyHot or rubbing alcohol on his balls after being shaved. Howard said they have to figure out what they want Sal to do to get that invite to the party.
Benjy is invited to the party but he was saying he may not go because the party might be too big for him. Robin said that she'll take his name off the list if that's the case. Benjy wanted to send his girlfriend to the party by herself or with a friend. Robin wanted her invitation back and he's no longer invited.
Howard was telling Robin that Sal could go to the party if he wears a diaper to use as his toilet because he won't be allowed in Robin's house. Richard thinks that Sal would behave if his wife was with him at the party. Howard said that's not true because he pretend to blow him when his wife was with him at the birthday party. Sal asked Robin if she's comfortable with not inviting him to this party. She said she was perfectly fine with it. Sal said that she must piss ice cubes, she's that cold.
Howard read some e-mail feedback about Sal and most people seem to hate him. Fred said there was one e-mail in support of Sal though. Howard told Sal that they're going to have to work on something for him to do to get in on that party of Robin's. He asked Sal if he would be willing to be tazered. Sal said no to that one. He was saying that he doesn't want to be waxed because he doesn't want his dick hanging out and flopping around on TV.
Gary asked Sal if he would give hand release to a gay guy. Sal said he would never do that. Doug Goodstein came in and asked if he would shave his head completely. Sal is up for the waxing of his balls if they're hanging out of bicycle shorts like his Captain Sack character. He won't take a tea bag from High Pitch Eric like Doug asked.
Howard suggested that they have Benjy shoot a load on him and that way both of them could get into the party. Sal said that he's very hurt that Robin didn't invite him to her party. He wants to show her how good he can be. Then he said that it's kind of funny that he's begging to be at a black person's party when his father used to stop them from even having black people over to their house. He said that one time he had a black friend over and when his father came home early, they had to push the kid out the window.
Howard let Sal go a short time later and read some more news articles. He read an article where Sumner Redstone was asked about the lawsuit against Howard Stern. Sumner said that they're confident that they will win and that's what Les Moonves believes. Howard said that if he was doing wrong on their stations, they should have said something to him in the 14 months he was on the air after making his announcement.
Howard was wondering how Rebecca Romijn's show did in the ratings. They used to have Vinnie Favale call in to give them updates on that stuff but he no longer calls in because of what's going on with the CBS lawsuit. Howard said that when he was over at Letterman the last time, Vinnie ran out of the building.
Artie said that he has been given a time for him to show up for this movie that Fred and Robin are working on. Howard said that his movie ''Fred'' is all done for the film festival. He also mentioned that Sal's movie is all done and played the trailer for that. Gary came in and said that the movie that Fred and Robin are doing is going to be a big movie. They've hired a casting director and even someone to film it for them.
JD came in and said that he was pressured into finishing his movie but it seems that Robin and Fred have carte blanche. JD has finished his movie which is called ''Three Faces of Ronnie.'' It's a documentary about Ronnie's life at work and at home.
Howard asked Fred about his vacation. Fred was down in Ft. Lauderdale with his family. That was about it for the Fred update. As Howard was playing the Fred theme song Fred made some more suggestions for what Sal would have to do to get into that Robin party. He said that he should have to shove a carrot up his ass and keep it there for weeks.
Bong Hit Bill called in and said that Howard should be careful with who he's giving the tickets to because people are selling them on eBay.com. He also asked Howard if he could get in on the festival but Howard told him he's got to come up with a crazy idea himself because he's not going to come up with something.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a suggestion for Sal to get in on Robin's party but that went nowhere. The guy also wanted to talk to Howard about why he's been saying nice things about Rosie O'Donnell lately and wondered if she's got a show coming up on SIRIUS or something. Howard said he was just watching her TV show and he thought she was doing some great things on the show. The caller thought that Howard was making up with her like he did with Dee Snider. Howard said that's different because Dee was a personal friend of his years ago. Rosie was never really a friend of the show. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard had George Flowers there to give them a Howard 100 News preview and also Jon Hein to talk about what they had coming up on the Wrap Up Show. George mentioned the stuff that Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. While he was mentioning a story about Eric the Actor, Howard asked him if he was buying into all of that ''Eric the Actor'' nonsense. George thinks that Eric should have the ability to give himself a name but Howard told him that it's actually up to him and he suggesting that they keep it ''Eric the Midget.''
Jon Hein gave the guys an update on what they had coming up on the Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned a bunch of stuff that was discussed on the show today that they'll be talking about during that show. The whole Sal controversy was brought up and Jon revealed that even he was invited to Robin's party. Howard said he was happy to hear that and he's looking forward to seeing him there at the party. Robin said that JD was also invited so Artie was laughing and said that it was funny that Sal and Richard aren't invited. He said that people who have been working there for five minutes have been invited but Sal and Richard haven't.
Howard asked Robin how many people are actually coming to her party. She said they're waiting for the RSVPs to come back in to find out how many are showing up. Her assistant is taking care of all of that. Robin said that she's still leaning toward inviting Richard but Sal will not be coming. Fred asked her if Stuttering John would have been invited if he was still there. She said he would have been invited.
Artie mentioned that he saw Stuttering John when he was out in Los Angeles last week. He said the view out the back of his house is ''breathtaking.'' He said that the house has to be a few million bucks and it's got a built in pool and that amazing view. The master bedroom has a balcony and it looks over the mountains out there that can never be built on. He said that it's really gorgeous and his wife and kids seem to be really happy there.
Gary said he's seen that house and the view really is like something out of a movie. There's nothing wrong with his neighborhood either. Howard thinks that John will screw up somehow and he'll lose that house to his wife in a divorce or something.
Artie said that the house is like an 8 and the back yard is an 11. His sister was with him out there and she didn't want to go to the house empty handed. Howard asked Artie why he was out there with his sister and not Dana. Artie said Dana couldn't make it, she was busy at work. Artie said that he's still together with Dana and they're fine. He said she'll be with him at Robin's party and they're still together.
Artie said that he stopped in a strip mall out by John's house and it was all top notch stores like Gucci and stuff like that. Howard said that he and Beth were down in Miami and stopped in a nice jewelry store there. He said that there was some creepy guy in there trying to find something for a 13 year old girl so he and Beth left. He told her they'd go back and get something later.
Artie said he bought John something for his house so they brought cupcakes, some Dom and stuff like that. John has a live-in Nanny with her own apartment there at the house. Gary said that John's neighborhood is one of the top neighborhoods out there. He was feeling good for John for having such a nice house. He's very happy for him. Artie said he feels the same way for John and he's very happy for him. Fred said he has zero feelings for John at this point. He said he didn't like him when he was there but absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Howard wrapped up with Jon Hein and George Flowers and let them go on their way. He said that he was listening to the Howard 100 News the other day and they were having a bit too much fun that day. He wants them to get back to being serious again. That led to the guys talking about some of the stories they've been doing lately including the story about how Joey Boots is back from rehab and feeling much better about his life.
Artie told Howard that if he has to step in and tell Bubba to stop with this stuff, he's going to have the greatest tag line ever... ''Howard Stern censored me!'' Howard said he doesn't do that himself, they have a legal team for that.
Bong Hit Eric called in and had Howard playing this ''Vagina'' song that they've been playing lately. Howard thought it was Andy Dick who performed the song but he's been told he's wrong about that. He was having some trouble getting the audio to come through on the phone so he had to call Scott the Engineer in to fix it. Howard asked Scott if he was invited to Robin's party. He said he was so Robin said that she invited him because Scott ''saved her'' on 9/11 when he drove her home from the city. She had no way to get home so he took her for a ride in his car.
The guys were goofing on Scott about his bowling and smoking since that all came up when Robin talked about her trip home with him. She said that Scott had something rolling around in his trunk the whole time they were driving home. Howard said that Scott's black cloud must be the problem with the phones not working correctly. He warned Robin not to let him on her boat because it might just sink.
Scott mentioned that he once had a game of 290 but it wasn't during a tournament. It was just with his team. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told Howard that Scott wanted to set up a trip to go see a NASCAR race in July when they're on vacation. They had everything set up but now Scott won't answer him if he's actually going. Scott said that he's got something going on with his son that he didn't want to get into. Ronnie said that it was Scott who started the whole thing and now he may not even go.
Scott said his son may be going to Europe that week so he's waiting to find out if that's going to happen. Scott said he has to work things out with his wife. Scott said his wife is waiting to find out if their son will be away because she doesn't want to be home alone. Howard told Scott to tell her to go stay at a friend's house or something. He said that Scott could just put a bowling ball in the bed and she'd think it was him.
Scott claims that he wasn't the one who initiated the whole trip but Ronnie said he's a liar and it was his idea. He was also saying that he saw a special on Howard TV ON Demand where they show Scott's bowling ball and it's all corroded or something. Scott said he needs a new ball.
Ronnie said that he's going to be at the New York International Car Show on Friday night. Artie said he's going to be there as well so he'll hang with Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't want to hang with him and he's got something else going on anyway. Howard cut them off and went to break right after that.
Howard noticed that Artie's neck was all broken out from shaving so he talked to him about that. Artie said he had a beard and that's what happens when he shaves. He realizes that it's grotesque. He was showing the guys what happens to him after he shaves. Robin asked him if that happens when he goes to the ''shave place'' to have it done. Howard said he looked much better when he did that but Artie thinks that it was still broken out when he did that.
Howard said he thinks that Artie hacks up his face because he doesn't like himself. Artie said that's not the case, he just thinks it's from the days when he was wearing make-up on MAD TV. He thinks he's got a lawsuit on his hands against FOX because of that. Howard said he seems to be tearing his face off with the razor so he should take it easier when he shaves. Artie said it's not out of hostility, he just rushes through his shave. Howard told him it could be deep down problems with himself that he's taking out by chopping up his face. Artie thinks that Howard has been going to the shrink too much.
Artie said he had Dana shave his face one time to have a ''sexy moment'' together but about half way through, he said ''give me the fuckin' razor'' and finished his shave himself. Howard asked him if Dana gives him oral and things like that. Artie said that he actually feels sorry for women that sleep with him. Howard feels the same way.
Howard said that he and Beth got into a huge fight over vacation. Beth had gone down for a couple of massages and the first one was a hot chick. She thought Howard would enjoy one from her but Howard said that he'd rather have some big ugly chick do it. Then the second massage was from a guy and Howard got so upset that he was ready to walk out on her. She was telling him that the guy was nothing that she wanted to it wasn't a big deal. Howard said he told her that if she gets a massage from another dude, he's out of there. He's even told her that he doesn't want her to go to a male doctor. He's asked her to get a female masseuse and that's about the only rule he has for her.
Beth thinks that not every guy is a pervert but Howard knows better. He said that any guy who is rubbing her down with oils is a pervert to him. He said that Beth told him that the guy was giving her a hot rock massage and he doesn't want that going on. He doesn't want some guy touching her for any reason. He wanted to find out just how far that massage went so he told Gary to get Beth on the phone.
Howard said he didn't even want to touch Beth after she told him that she had that massage. Gary came in and said that he got her voice mail so Howard told him to call his house. He had Robin start her news while they waited for that to happen. Gary came back a short time later and said he wasn't able to get her on the phone because she was gone for the day. Howard told him to keep trying her cell and maybe he'd get her.
Gary came in again and told Howard that Beth was very short with him and told him she was working so she wouldn't come on the air. Howard said that he's working too and this is effecting his work so he wants her on the air. He said that she's probably there with the male masseuse.
The caller said that the movie is a spoof of the Twilight Zone episode where ugly people were the norm and pretty people were considered freaks. Howard had to bail out on the explanation because it was taking longer than the 4 minute 30 second movie the guy made.
Wendy the Retard called in again to tell Howard that she feels lonely. She made some waffles for herself there at home. She will also be eating two Pizza Hut pizzas later today according to the call she made earlier in the morning. She said that she puts a whole bottle of syrup on the waffles when she eats them too. Wendy said that she's sorry she was drinking today but she misses her dad... and Gary the Retard. She only had one wine cooler.
Wendy said she wants to go out on another date with Gary the Retard but Robin let her know that he's got another girlfriend already. Howard let her go and had Robin get back to her news. They wrapped up the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the morning talking about an interview he heard with Rush Limbaugh... it was a phony interview the guys recut to make it sound like Rush was talking about getting butt f'd and stuff like that. Howard played a few of those clips and goofed on him for a short time. He didn't understand one of them because the speech was kind of garbled. In one clip Rush says he has AIDS and in another he says 'I say pass the cocaine and heroin.' None of them could be mistaken for real comments since they cut the words from various interviews.
The fight discussions led to the caller asking why Howard has Ronnie the Limo Driver acting as his security guy. Howard said that guy will take a bullet for him so that's why he's part of his security team. Howard also mentioned that Ronnie was out getting his picture taken for a press photo last week so he wanted them up on the web site. Jason said he sent them to Doug Herwitt to get them put up but they're not up yet. He said he'd try to get them up as soon as possible.
Howard told Gary to get Beth on the phone so he could talk to her about the massage thing. He wasn't able to do it yesterday because Beth was out at work. While he waited Fred played a Baba Booey song parody. Gary ended up screwing up and lost Beth's call so Fred played another Baba Booey song parody while they waited for him to get it right. Gary disappeared for a few seconds so Howard got pissed at him... which led to another Baba Booey song parody being played.
Beth was on the phone and told him that she was making him dinner for tonight and tomorrow night since she won't be around. She was making turkey meatballs. She didn't realize she was on the air when she told him that though. Howard said that she always does the right thing with stuff like that.
Howard said that he and Beth got into their first real fight the other day over this male masseuse she used. He said he's more comfortable with her getting one from a female masseuse so that's what he asks her to do. He claims that he has only one rule with her and that's to use a female masseuse. Robin said that he's got rules for everything. Howard said he doesn't but Beth said she begs to differ but couldn't come up with anything at the moment.
Beth told the story about getting her hot stone massage and how she ended up with a guy. At first she claimed that she asked for a female masseuse but quickly admitted she didn't really do that. Howard said that Beth told him that a woman had massaged her but slipped and then said that it was a guy. There was also a discussion about the hot woman who had massaged her the previous time. Howard said that there's no point in going to a hot female masseuse if she's not going to finish him off so he prefers not to go.
Beth said that this guy Brian was the one who gave her the massage. Howard quickly told Robin how he found out that it was a guy who had massaged her. She slipped and said that ''he'' had put oil on her back and got it in her hair. Howard said he shut the door and locked her out of the room when he heard that. He was so upset that he didn't even want to see her. He told her that he was done with her and kept her locked out.
Beth told another story about getting a pedicure at the hotel and the Cuban woman told her about giving Beyonce a bikini wax. She didn't speak much English but did tell her that Beyonce was ''beautiful down there.'' Beth and Howard saw Beyonce at the hotel pool and were impressed with how good she looked.
Howard mentioned the picture of him that ended up in the paper over the weekend. He thought he looked fat but Beth said he didn't look that bad. Howard got back to the masseuse story. He said that he knows the guy wasn't gay from what Beth was telling him. Beth said she never said he wasn't gay, she doesn't know. Beth said the guy looked kind of like Johnny Depp but then said that she was kidding. He was a little nerdy guy who just wanted to do his job according to Beth. Howard knows that every guy is the same and he didn't just want to do his job.
Beth explained how she got undressed and put her sarong on. She had it wrapped around her body so she was covered up. She then steps out of the bathroom in that get up and gets ready to get rubbed down. Howard knows that the guy is out there talking to his buddies about what he got to do. Fred asked why the guy didn't leave the room while she got on the table because he was probably peeking at her.
Beth said that this guy was a tiny guy at about 5'7'' tall and he was a normal guy who just gave her a massage. She said she couldn't enjoy it because she was so worried about Howard finding out about it. Howard told Beth about Sandra Bernhard telling a story about getting fingered while getting massaged. She enjoyed it though. Beth said she had a friend who had a masseuse go down on her while she was getting a massage. She had fallen asleep and ended up suing for a lot of money.
Beth said that the masseuse pulled her towel back and then rubbed her down. Howard said the guy could see her back and the sides of her tits and that upsets him. Gary came in and told Howard that he and his wife went away for a vacation. Gary requested a woman for himself and for his wife. That's what Howard would have done if he and Beth had gotten massages. Fred said his wife asked him about that the other day and he lied and said he wouldn't get upset if his wife had gotten a massage from a guy. He would definitely get upset.
Beth told Howard that the guy took a while to get ready for the hot rock massage but eventually put the rocks down her back. Howard said that he was probably looking at her the whole time that he was getting ready. Beth said that the guy didn't rub her ass when Howard asked about it. Then she said that he did rub her down with the rocks. That seemed to freak Howard out even more. Beth said that half of her ass was exposed and rubbed down so Howard and the guys said that their asses have never been massaged.
Howard said that he wouldn't even touch Beth after that happened. She promised that it will never happen again. Robin said that if she had a male doctor Howard wouldn't have a problem. He would have a problem with it and he's happy that she has a female gynecologist.
Howard said that what Beth should have done was tell the guy that she had to reschedule with a woman instead of going through with it. Beth said that she knew that Howard would get upset with her if he found out that a guy had massaged her but she went through with it anyway. She said that everything went fine and the guy didn't do anything wrong.
Bobo called in and asked Beth if the masseuse popped a rod while doing that. She said that not every guy gets turned on by that stuff. All of the guys know better than that and know that he probably did pop a rod. Howard said that he doesn't care if a woman sticks her finger in Beth, he only has a problem with a guy doing it. Ronnie came in and asked why Beth's hair was covered in oil. She said that the guy was rubbing her neck with oil and it got some oil in there.
Howard asked Beth how far up this guy got when he was rubbing her thighs. She said he didn't do anything inappropriate. She was also saying that she kept her breasts covered up while he was putting the rocks on her stomach. She wasn't exposed at all. She said that she wasn't exposed to the guy at any time either. She claims she wasn't even thinking about sex because she had been so busy with Howard all week long.
Howard doesn't want Beth going away for six weeks either. They never spend that much time apart. He said that if she has to go do it for the money, then she can do it. Beth said that she could actually lose money if she does do it because she makes such good money working in New York. Howard was going to read the deal but Artie wasn't sure if she should reveal the numbers. Beth was kind of hesitant to reveal it but then said that it should be okay.
Gary said that he was offered about $100,000 to do ''Celebrity Fit Club.'' Howard said that ABC must be really cheap then. This is a hit show on a national network. He read the notes in the contract that said the compensation would be a minimum of $120,000. There would also be some additional compensation that would be an additional $50,000 which isn't all that much.
Gary told Howard that doing that show would open up Beth to another audience that would make her even more popular. Howard said that maybe she has to do it then. Beth said that she's not sure that she can do this dancing thing so she's not sure she wants to do it. She's already booked a dance lesson to test herself to see if she could learn and actually go through with the whole thing.
Howard said his friend Pat told him that Beth can't do the show because that would put her on the C-list of celebrities. Beth doesn't think she's on any list at all right now so she's not sure it would matter. Howard said that he loves this woman and knows that she's not a dancer. He said that if she loses, he'd have to break up with her. Robin said that she's impressed with people who aren't dancers who actually go through with something like this.
Beth said that she doesn't want to put Howard through anything like this if he's going to be embarrassed. He said he doesn't want her hurt by comments that his enemies might say about her. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Beth shouldn't do the show because it's almost like a step down but not really. She said that the people who go on that show kind of go on to get noticed after fading from the spotlight and that's not what she needs.
Gary asked Howard what would happen if she goes through with it, does great and actually wins. Howard said he would be very supportive if that happened. He said he'd be happy if she was happy. Beth said she's not even looking for that kind of thing to happen. She said she doesn't need it but it would be a challenge and it could help her transform her body into something really great. She's very content with her life right now though so she doesn't need to do it.
Howard said that Beth would like to find some other career opportunities so she can get out of modeling so this kind of thing might get her where she wants to be. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth might jump the shark if she does this show. He thinks that she's heading toward being overexposed. Gary thinks that she could get a lot more work that pays better if she actually does the show. Beth wanted Howard to post a poll on his web site to find out what the fans think.
Howard had Jessica Hahn on the phone to give her thoughts on the whole thing. Jessica said that she thinks the audience will fall in love with her and she should go through with it. Howard ended up asking Jessica if she has ever done another woman. She said she has never done that. Howard wanted her and Beth to hook up so he could watch. Jessica told Howard that Beth should go through with this thing because she could get some great work out of it. He doesn't want to stand in her way but he doesn't like being alone.
Howard claims he told Beth that this was all up to her and he's not going to hold her back from doing it. Beth said that when she goes away for any amount of time, Howard loves her more when she comes home. If she goes away for six weeks, she may ''seal the deal.'' Howard told her that she's already sealed the deal and she doesn't have to worry about that.
Howard said that he is very supportive of this if she decides to do it. He said that he won't go out to visit her in Los Angeles though. He hates to fly so he's not going to go visit her on long weekends. He said that Beth could fly back to New York and visit him instead.
Beth could be a great dancer according to Howard because she is a great athlete. He got Gary the Retard on the phone to find out what he thinks. Gary said that he's met Beth and he thinks that she's cute. He said he doesn't think that she should do the show though. Howard asked Gary what's going on with his girlfriend. Gary said that she's lying to them about everything. He said that he didn't have sex with her but she was lying about it and said she did. Howard told him that when he finished up with Beth he would call him back to talk about that.
Howard told Beth not to take Gary's advice on doing the show. Another caller said that Howard and Beth don't need anymore weight in their relationship so she shouldn't do the show. Howard said that he's deeply in love with Beth and he doesn't want her hurt or humiliated in any way. The caller asked Beth if she and her previous boyfriend fought much. Beth said she's not a fighter so she didn't fight with him. Howard said that he's not much of a fighter either.
Another caller told Howard to let Beth do her thing. He said that she shouldn't stop her career progression for anyone or any reason. She said she doesn't see that happening. Another guy said that she would look terrific on this thing if she goes through with it. Howard said that he would prefer if she had a gay dance partner. If she ends up leaving him for her partner though, he's going to be relentless going off on the guy. Beth said that she's going to take her dance class next week and make a decision after that. Howard said that's a bit of a change from what she was saying at first so she may just go through with this.
Howard was going to let Beth go but he was distracted by Artie's breathing into the microphone. Robin said that's been going on for a while now and she notices it quite a bit. Howard said he doesn't hear it much but this morning it was noticeable. Howard told Beth that the In Demand guys wanted to tape her dance lesson. She didn't sound too thrilled about that. She suggested that they do their own dancing show for Howard TV with the couples on the show. Robin said she won't do it though. Howard let Beth go and took a break.
Lisa said that they'll also dig deeper into the Master Cleanser diet that Robin has done. That led to Artie talking about the great sandwich that he brought in this morning for breakfast. Howard cut him off and had Lisa quickly finish up her news preview so he could move on.
Artie said that move was a big boner at that time. Bob said that the sales at the time were about $5 million a year before the AIDS thing blew up. Howard thought the company had to be shut down but Bob said they just renamed the candy to Ayd-slim and tried that out. Howard said that the Ayds didn't really work anyway. Bob said that the candy was supposed to suppress your appetite but people would eat 6 or 7 instead of the two that they were supposed to.
Bob said that within 24 months of owning the product they had to shut it down because sales were so bad. It was tough to even get meetings with sales people to get the product out there. Now it's gone forever. Howard told the guy they should have changed the name to ''Cures Ayds.'' Bob now owns the Lanza hair care products. You can find out more at Lanza.com. Howard let Bob go a short time later.
Robin told Howard that he won't last more than a week or so and may not even make it to the point where Dancing with the Stars makes it on the air. Howard thinks that he's changed though and he could probably make it through the six weeks if she was out in L.A. Gary told Howard that he really has changed and he's pretty sure he could make it through that time.
Howard mentioned that he may have changed but he's still got a plan to crush the people that are suing him. He said he's still got that drive to do stuff like that. Robin said that if Beth does leave to do that show, they would be in big trouble. She said that Howard tends to relapse days after claiming that he's cured. She thinks that he's very unaware of what he will actually do in a situation like that.
Gary said that Howard used to kind of ignore other people because he was so wrapped up in himself but he's not like that now. He cares more about other people these days. Robin said that Howard needs his routine and creature comforts so if Beth goes, he's going to flip out. She thinks that it will drive him nuts if she goes and they may pay for it there on the show.
Howard asked Gary what's going on with this chick. Gary said that she calls him about every day and asks him for money. Howard warned him when this started that she was going to do something like that to him. Gary was lying to them when they asked him about that stuff when they called the show together. Gary said he hangs up on the woman but she just keeps calling back. Howard told him he's got to hold on to his eleven dollars.
Howard asked Gary if that woman has kissed him. He said she did but then she ran to the bathroom and washed her mouth out. Gary still cares about her so Robin told him that he should stop thinking about her and just drop the whole thing. Artie said that hearing that she washed her mouth out after kissing him makes him think that she's pretty normal.
Howard and Artie told Gary about Wendy the Retard shoving tomatoes up her ass and how she's up to about 230 pounds. Gary isn't interested in her. Howard wondered if he was coming in for the Film Festival. Gary said that no one had told him shit about that. Baba Booey told Howard that they'd have to fly him in and they always need to fly in two people when they do that and it may not be in the budget. Howard said he'd like to have him there because this is supposed to be a big deal.
Wendy the Retard called in and told Gary how her face turns all red when she takes a big dump. She was also telling Gary that she would touch her pussy for him. Howard asked Gary if he's ever had sex with a woman. He said it's been a long time but he has had a woman. Howard asked Wendy what she had for dinner last night. She said it was just a salad. She also had a two pizzas. Howard told her that she doesn't get up to 240 pounds by eating salad.
Howard wondered which of the two retards was smarter. Wendy took credit for that but Gary said that he's smarter. Robin asked them to spell some words like red and green and they were able to do that. Then they were asked what 9+7 is. Wendy came close at 15. Wendy knew who the President and Vice President were but Gary didn't. Gary asked Wendy not to get mad at him if he comes on the show next Wednesday. Wendy said she won't get mad because she has other things on her mind. Howard had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard said that Sal made a prank call to Jessica Hahn and ended up having phone sex with her. He said that Sal was calling her to tell her that he wasn't feeling so good. Howard played the call where Sal told her that he's just a mess. She said that she couldn't do it on the phone because her housekeeper was there. She sent her out of the room a short time later and started to get into it with him. She was saying that she'd be licking his balls and cock and then she would flip him over and lick the crack of his ass. Sal was telling her to spit in the crack of his ass and moaning as that was going on. He said he was smacking her face with his dick and things like that and then had her shoving a candle up his ass. He pretended to finish himself off and said he was going to mail the tissues to her so she could autograph them.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks about the way American Idol is going. Eric said that Bucky should have been voted off 2 weeks ago and not this week. Howard and Robin asked him who he thinks will win American Idol. Eric said he's going to pick Katherine. Robin said she's lost interest in what he has to say because of the way he treats them.
Eric said that he has no problem with Howard, he has a problem with Will. Howard told him he's got a lot of other stuff to do today so he doesn't have time for this. He complained about the way Eric treats them after all of the stuff they've done for him. They got him on a TV show and even got him his own radio show but he acts like they've done nothing for him.
Howard read some other mail that people have sent in lately. Some people are saying that Sal should be invited to Robin's upcoming party. Howard said he's kind of coming around to think that he should be there too but Robin isn't thinking that way at all. Gary came in and said that there's something strange going on with Sal. They had him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Sal was saying he didn't want to say what he really thinks because it would ruin things between him and Robin forever.
Howard read a bunch of mail from people who think that Robin should invite Sal to her party. They think that she's acting like a little kid. Someone suggested that Sal should have to do ''Meet the Shrink'' to get to Robin's party. There are others who wouldn't want Sal at their party either. Howard read some of that mail and then took some phone calls.
One phone caller told Howard how great the TV shows have been. Artie mentioned that they're going to have a new series called ''What's So Funny'' where he has a shrink come up on stage after he does some comedy. The caller Howard had on the line is the guy who did the ''Old Black OJ'' song parody years ago. He asked Howard for some tickets to the Film Festival but Howard only had five pair left and he needs to save them for wacky stuff. Howard had another guy on the phone who was willing to bang his wife in the ass for tickets but that's already been done.
Howard said that Ralph got a new 61 inch TV and he hasn't left his apartment since then. He's supposed to go out shopping for him but he's been sitting home watching TV instead.
Howard had an article about deejay John London getting fired after offering a reward to have Penn Jillette killed. Howard laughed as he was reading the article and Fred was playing some Dice laughs. That led to Howard playing a new song that Dice mailed to them recently. It was kind of a rap song but Dice was just speaking over the song.
Howard got back to the John London story and read about how the guy was suspended and then fired after offering $5,000 to anyone who killed Penn Jillette. He said if the guy suffered he'd up it to $7,000. London says that they have a dump button there at the station and they could have hit the button on him if he had said anything offensive. Howard said that's a good point and it seems like the radio stations out there are firing anyone who's interesting... although you can't go on the air and ask for someone to kill someone else.
Howard talked about Sumner Redstone is out there claiming that they know they're going to win their suit against him. That led to Howard talking about how Sumner's own son is suing him. He said he should get his son on the air and talk to him about that.
Howard said that a while ago Hyundai said that they were putting XM in their cars and their buyers didn't want to hear Howard Stern in their cars. Well, now the company is under investigation for allegedly bribing government officials in Korea. He gave a big F-You to the company.
Robin said that she learned that Fred reads to his daughter every night. She said she pictures him doing his voices as he's reading those stories to her. Fred said of course he does that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the CBS lawsuit. That got Howard talking about Les Moonves and saying what a loon the guy is. He said that he's an asshole and the guy throws everyone under the bus. He thinks that he's going to screw over Katie Couric after she's on the air for a short time.
Another guy called in and said that his wife would probably be willing to flash her breasts at the film festival if they get tickets. Howard said that they have to come up with something else for people to do. He's not sure what that will be at this point though.
A phone caller said that he wanted to talk about Bubba walking off his own show last night. Howard said he didn't know a guy could do something like that. Robin said that she heard it and Bubba left the show about an hour before it was supposed to go off the air. He left Ned and Manson in there to play reruns instead.
Ben was also talking about Rosie O'Donnell and how Howard never had a problem with her until she went off on him on a TV show back when his movie came out. Howard said she actually called him back then and asked him to stop attacking her but he told her that she started it and picked the wrong person to mess with. Now he thinks that she's doing some great things and he's willing to forgive and forget about that.
Ben also brought up another guy, Ted Brown, who attacked him on the air one time. Howard said he ripped that guy a new asshole every day for a long time and that guy approached his father and asked him to ask Howard to give him some mercy. Ben said that he spoke to Howard and asked him to give the guy a break. Howard said that guy wasn't a man and didn't come directly to him like he should have.
Howard said he got a legal letter from Les' lawyer asking him to stop talking about him on the air but Howard claims he sent him a letter back telling him that he was the one who started calling him a fraud and things like that so he's not going to stop talking about it.
Howard asked his father about what he would think if his wife got a massage from a man. Ben said that a lot of guys are in that as a serious career so he doesn't think it's wrong. Ben doesn't seem to have a problem with it so Howard told him to go back to the days when he was still attracted to his wife and think about what it would have been like. Howard and Ben spent a short time talking about male masseuses. Howard said that he got mad at Beth after she got the massage from a guy and spent a minute on that.
Howard also told his father about Beth getting the offer to do Dancing with the Stars and asked him what he thinks about that. Ben hadn't heard the story earlier in the morning so Howard had to explain it to him. Ben agrees that the exposure could be great for her but she will be busy for that whole time she's out there. She's going to have to learn all types of dancing too so she's going to be working hard. He also said that she will have to find a really tall partner because she's very tall herself.
Howard said he doesn't want to stand in her way and stop her from going. He's not thrilled with her leaving for that length of time though. Ben told Howard to let her take a shot at it. He thought that she still had to pass some kind of test but Howard told him that she's already accepted, it doesn't matter if she knows how to dance or not. Ben wanted to know if she's gung ho about the whole thing or not. Howard said he can't really tell with her. He told Ben that he had to get going because he had Mitch Fatel there to talk to. Ben told Howard he loves him but Howard told him that he would prefer to hear him say that off the air. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he's glad that Mitch is doing well because it makes it seem like he's legitimate because he's almost launching careers. Mitch told Howard that he started listening to his show when he was 15 so he did inspire him to become what he is. Mitch is 38 years old now and he has a 19 year old girlfriend. He said that she's convinced that she would be attracted to him even if he wasn't famous. Howard told Mitch he's really proud of him and Mitch told him that means a lot to him.
Mitch said he feels like he's successful now and that's why he came back to the show. Howard said he was out looking at some of Mitch's stuff on the web last night and saw a bit he did where he went out and did some red carpet interviews like Stuttering John used to do. Mitch said that Jay doesn't know that he used to be an intern on Howard's show though but Howard thinks that Leno just rips him off and won't admit to it. Mitch appreciates the work so he won't bad mouth Leno at all.
Howard said that Mitch used to dislike Fred a lot when he was on the show. Robin thought that she was also one of the people he didn't like but Mitch said he didn't have a problem with her. He liked Robin. Howard explained that Mitch used to type up the logs for the show and he used to put 'time bombs' in the logs where he'd write comments about Fred being an asshole that people would find years later. Mitch didn't like him back then because Fred treated him so bad. Fred said he didn't think he treated him so bad and he thought he liked Mitch.
Mitch said that Fred did something back when they had Milton Berle on the show. He said that he went to Scott and asked to open the show with something that Milton had said about Howard. He gave the cart to Fred and told him to play it. Fred was busting his balls and didn't know what to do with the clip. Mitch went on and said that Fred kept going on and on asking him what he wanted him to do with the cart. He kept torturing him until Mitch caved in and said that the bit must have sucked. Years later Mitch was cleaning out the carts and he ran across that one and played it for Howard. Howard thought it was brilliant and asked why they didn't open the show with it. Fred thought it was great when Howard told him it was great so that's the day Mitch decided to start doing the time bomb things.
Fred said that he thinks Mitch is just mad at him for making fun of the way he laughed and stuff like that. Fred apologized for treating him so poorly and Mitch said that was all he was looking for. Gary came in because he had some time bombs set on him in those logs as well. Gary said he doesn't think that Mitch ever said he wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Gary said he remembers Mitch coming to him and telling him that he wanted to be a comedian so he asked him to tell him a joke. He doesn't remember the joke or if it was funny but he remembers keeping a straight face just to goof on him. He was busting his balls and that's all he was trying to do.
Howard found one of the time bombs where Mitch typed in ''I hope Fred dies.'' Gary then told another story about how they were going out to do some appearance somewhere. He claims that Mitch must have told him six times that he needed the pants safety pinned. When they got to the hotel, Gary went to the bathroom and when he came out, Mitch was standing on the bed waiting for him to pin up his pants for him.
Gary told another story about Mitch asking Norman Lear a question at an award show. Mitch asked him if he though FOX was responsible for the death of Edgar Rosenberg and caused some controversy there. Howard said that Mitch was also the guy who brought in Stuttering John who was a friend of his back then. Gary said that Mitch was kind of worried that the stutter might effect his job but Howard told the guys he didn't even have to interview the guy before hiring him if he had a stutter.
Mitch left the show but people were still recognizing him when he was out working at a truck stop taking orders. He said one guy would come in week after week to bust his balls about that. He eventually started doing comedy and things took off from there.
Howard heard that Mitch was interning for David Brenner's show and he's accusing him of stealing something from him. Mitch told Howard that he wrote a script for the opening of the show and ended up giving it to him to check out. That skit ended up being used two days later with someone else's name on it. He said that he was home watching TV and saw his skit on TV and thought it was a shitting thing to do to a kid like he was.
Howard wanted to move on to the 19 year old that Mitch is banging now. He gave him a plug for his album ''Super Retardo'' instead of talking about the 19 year old. Mitch said that a lot of people ask him if he's retarded so that's where the name came from. He's making a living off of comedy now and lives with the 19 year old who gives him some food money to live there. That way he keeps her working instead of sitting home and watching E!.
Mitch said that this girl is small like he is so she has a small vagina and she's short like he is. He said he feels more like a man when he's walking down the street with her. Howard asked him if he's gotten any famous chicks. He said he did make out with Lindsay Price from 90210 but that was about all he got from her. He said he was shaking as he was doing that because he was so nervous though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mitch is the funniest mother f'er ever. He said there are only 3 guys who have made him laugh so hard that he's cried and those people are Artie Lange, Sam Kinison and Mitch Fatel. Mitch told him he was going to send him an autographed potato for saying that.
Howard asked Mitch about what this 19 year old girl's parents think about her dating a 38 year old guy. Mitch said that things were going okay until he signed a girl's breasts and put a picture of that on his web site. He said that the girl's mother called and asked why he was doing that and that got the 19 year old questioning him about why he was doing that. He had to tell her that it's part of his job to do stuff like that.
Howard gave Mitch another plug for his album and web site SuperRetardo.com. Mitch asked Howard who his idols were when he was growing up. Howard told him that people like Soupy Sales, Paul Winchell, Richard Pryor and Don Rickles are all people he looked up to back then. He said he thinks Don Rickles is the greatest and he doesn't even want to meet the guy because he doesn't want to change his opinion of him.
Howard said that Brad Crandall was another guy he used to listen to when he was young. The guy would answer just about any question about anything that people would call in with and that was amazing to him. Howard told Mitch to come back and visit them anytime and Mitch said that means a lot to him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard did a quick StubHub.com commercial and talked about some upcoming concerts that people might want to find tickets for. Robin said that she'll be going there to find tickets for her nephew.
Howard had George Flowers come in to give a Howard 100 News preview but Howard said that Artie came back during the break and told him that they're shooting a movie out in the halls like it's a full blown production. That's the movie that Fred and Robin are working on. They have a real director for the movie so it's a pretty big deal. Howard wondered if George Flowers was cast in any parts. Fred said that they actually cast Penny Crone for a part in the movie.
George gave Howard a quick preview for the news and mentioned the stuff that Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. Jon Hein was also in to give a Wrap Up Show preview. They'll be talking about the Beth O story with her doing Dancing with the Stars. He thinks that she should do it. Howard wondered what the guys think about Beth getting rubbed by a dude. George said he can understand where he's coming from with that. Mitch Fatel will also be a subject of discussion during the Wrap Up Show. They're going to be talking about the film that Fred and Robin are working on and how it's effecting other people there.
Howard asked the guys if they think that his relationship with Beth will survive if she does Dancing with the Stars. Robin said no at first but then Artie said that he thinks it will hurt their relationship but they won't break up. Then Robin said that she thinks that this will be the beginning of the end for their relationship.
Richard said that he thinks that his movie should be looked at differently because they didn't have a whole crew like Robin and Fred do. Howard said that just because you have a huge crew and/or budget doesn't mean that it'll be a great movie. Their movie could still suck.
Richard was also saying that he has gone for weeks without showering before and it's been a few days since he showered last. He said that the last shower he took was over the weekend. Howard told him he should shower at the gym or something like that. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he's also paying for Robin and Fred's movie. Howard said that they need films at the film festival and it will be interesting when Fred and Robin introduce their movie so none of this matters. He sent the guys on their way and had Robin start her news.
Before Robin could even get started Howard was wondering how much money Doug was spending on this movie for Robin and Fred. Doug said that they'll probably end up spending about $4,000 to $5,000 on the movie when it's done. Howard spent a little more time talking about that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he's willing to have High Pitch Eric drop a load on him to win tickets to the film festival. The guy was ready to do other things but Howard was ready to stop at the load.
Later on during the news Howard and the guys were playing some clip from an interview that Tom Cruise did with Diane Sawyer recently. They had some fun goofing on those clips. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show at around 11:25am.
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Howard said that they have Tera Patrick and Jay Thomas coming in this morning. They should have some Sybian action going on with Tera when she comes in.
Howard wanted to get to everything he had to talk about this morning so he got into it quick. He said that the film festival will be next Thursday, not this coming Thursday like some people thought. The festival is causing problems there because the news department is upset that they're not invited. Howard said he's thinking that they should be there because they are part of the radio station. He said that Doug Goodstein didn't invite them and they should have been walking the red carpet with everyone else.
Fred was playing some Blue Iris audio clips where she's saying ''Yah'' while Howard was talking about the film festival. Artie said that is the most unsexual thing he's heard. Howard brought up the movie that Fred and Robin are shooting because it was like a real movie set there at their studio. Artie shot a scene and said that it really is like a real movie. Gary came in and said that he was in his office trying to conduct business. Nicole Bass was out in the hall jumping up and down and yelling and his whole office was shaking from that.
Benjy said that he went back to sleep after waking up even though he knew that he was supposed to wake up. He said he's concerned and worried about it himself so Howard told him that maybe it's time for him to leave if that's the way he's going to treat his job.
Howard said he didn't mention anything yesterday because he was late one time since they started there. He had to say something today because it was the second day in a row. He told Benjy that he would like to be a free spirit like Benjy and just come in whenever he wants. Benjy said that he's really sorry for this but Howard doesn't believe him. He said that he might as well just piss on him when he pulls crap like that.
Everyone else comes in on time according to Robin but Benjy can't figure out how to get in there like they do. Howard said he does manage to get his food in there though. Benjy said he tried to go to sleep around 5 or 6 o'clock yesterday but he woke up and couldn't get back to sleep until about 11.
Howard said he doesn't want to just suspend the guy, he wants to move right to firing. JD came in and said that he calls Richard Christy at about 3:45 in the morning so maybe he can do that for Benjy. JD comes in really early in the morning, before anyone else on the show.
Ronnie the Limo Driver also came in and said that Benjy comes running into the show every morning with his pants falling down so he's said some things to him as well. He wonders why he can't get there on time like everyone else. He asked Benjy what the problem is but he didn't have an answer for him.
Howard said he's been getting up 15 minutes earlier to get in on time. Maybe that's what Benjy should be doing. Howard said he must feel bad for Benjy or something because he keeps him there. He said it's really distracting when he shows up so late though so he wants it to stop. Now he's in a bad mood because of this and he was having trouble getting into his discussions.
Howard tried to move on and had Robin get back to the film discussion. Robin said that people have been keeping an eye on their budget and when they ordered lunch yesterday, everyone was going crazy. Richard came in and said that Robin was going off on them because they were making some noise. She came over and whacked them on the head with rolled up paper.
Howard pointed out that people are still out there talking about how SIRIUS isn't doing as well as it really is. They're on fire according to Howard. He played an audio clip where a reporter says that analysts are saying that the Howard Stern bump won't last much longer. Howard said the game's not over yet, it's just the beginning and people will keep signing on. He said that they're going to be adding internet streaming for his show in June and that will help it grow. They're going to be adding new radios soon that will also help it grow.
Howard said he went crazy when he heard this report and wanted to know who this male reporter was in this clip. Sal called over to the place to find out who the guy was and what he knows about satellite radio. Sal came in and told Howard that the guy told him that he didn't do any research on that reply he made in the clip. He was just talking off the top of his head. The guy's name was Joe Crebs. Howard said that when you see reports like that, it's all horse shit. Everyone pretends to know something when they know nothing.
Howard had another clip from Chicago where Eric Ferguson and Cathy Hart discuss Howard's move to satellite and say that Howard's move is a failure. He's only been there for 3 months! He said that he wants to put together a list of people he will not work with there at SIRIUS. He wants that list of ''fuckheads'' put together so he doesn't have to have people like Eric Ferguson and Cathy Hart at SIRIUS. He said that if Scott Greenstein hires them to work there, he's out of there.
Howard played more of the audio from that show and Cathy Hart says that she bought a used car with satellite in it and once she listened to it for a week so got over the novelty of it and hasn't tuned back in. Howard said that's the most ridiculous spin he's ever heard. People are making up lies about satellite and one of those people is Steve Dahl. He said that's another guy that he won't work with at SIRIUS. He said he heard that Dahl was talking about how Howard Stern should be on America's Least Sexy list. Howard said that guy has balls talking about being unsexy. He read some notes about Dahl's comments about how ''no one is buying SIRIUS'' which is a lie. Howard said that guy has lost his edge and no one would follow him to satellite.
Howard said that his shittiest day is better than the other guy's best day. He said that terrestrial radio is now coming out with High Def radio and this guy from Jacobs research has found that 1/3 of the people out there are going to buy it and that's a big success. Howard said that when they found that 1/3 of his audience was going to follow him to satellite, that was a failure... but 1/3 buying HD radio is a success. Now you can hear the rotten programming on terrestrial radio really clearly.
Howard asked Benjy if he found the guy's real name. Benjy found it and it was Sumner Murray Rothstein. He wondered what that says about someone when they change their name from Rothstein to Redstone. It shows that they're embarrassed by their Jewish heritage.
Gary came in and showed Howard an article about how Sumner and Les use the company jet for personal reasons. Howard told him that there's more to that than he thinks and he will expose more in the future. He continued to go off on Sumner and how he's a self-hating Jew. He told him to come forward and change that name back to what it was, he probably only has a year left to live anyway. He said he's going to use his Sumner Murray Rothstein name when he's in court with the lawsuit.
Howard had an article he wanted to read but he wasn't able to find it. He thought he told Jason to print it out but Jason told him that he's pretty sure it wasn't on his list. Howard said the article basically said that the CBS stations are blowing up and Joel Hollander hired his brother Les to work under him. He said they're going to ruin all of those stations but he's wondering why he's talking about that stuff because if they fire Joel, they might hire someone who knows what they're doing and make it successful again.
Howard said he loves all of this because now he knows the character of the man Sumner Redstone. He has friends who keep their names like his buddy Pat Minokia who's real name is Pasquale. He said that Pat signs his name Pasquale and he's proud of that name unlike Sumner Rothstein who changed his name to Redstone. Artie thinks that's going pretty far to change it from Rothstein to Redstone. Howard told Redstone not to comment about him in the paper because he has too much baggage for him to go off on him about. He told him to bring it on because his stage 2 and 3 will make it even worse.
Howard got back on Sumner Redstone for a short time saying that he should fight like a man instead of hiding behind his lawyers. He invited him to come in and box him or even debate him on Letterman's show. He said that all three of them... Leslie Moonves, Joel Hollander and Sumner Redstone... and maybe even Leslie Hollander... could come in and he'd beat all of their asses.
Howard read the article about the Dancing with the Stars thing where their discussion with Beth was brought up. They had mentioned the amount of money that they were willing to pay the stars who appear on the show. The winner can make only $245,000 if they win. That's a lot of money but not as much as some stars make for their shows.
Howard said he's not sure what Beth's decision will be. She's taking a dancing lesson next week to give it a test and then figure it out from there. He said that she'll be trying out all kinds of dance moves to see if she's up for it.
Howard demonstrated his version of the quick step dance moves but Robin wasn't impressed. She came out of her booth into the studio to show Howard how to do it correctly. She showed Howard what to do and he said that he could never do that because his nuts would be killing him if he did what she just showed him. He got scared when Robin started pulling him around the studio.
Howard got back to the CBS discussions and said that he loves when these guys demand that he shut up about them when they start the shit. He said that if they want him to shut up, then they should drop their lawsuit. He keeps mentioning that he has a ''stage 2'' in the works which will make things even worse for them. He said that Sumner Redstone came up to him just a few weeks ago and congratulated him on his move to satellite. Now he's in the news talking about how they're going to win their case against him. He obviously didn't know about the lawsuit and he should keep his mouth shut if that's the case. He told him to ''...shut your fuckin mouth... asshole.''
Howard said he doesn't care how much money Sumner has, he'll probably be dead in 2 years anyway. He said he should stay out of this battle. He went off on him for changing his name again and wondered why someone would do something like that. He wants someone to call him and ask why he changes his name from Rothstein to Redstone. He wants to know what he's ashamed of. He said that maybe his father changed it so he'd like to know why his father was such a ''fuckin asshole'' in that case.
Howard said he doesn't care how big you are in this world, everyone has to wipe their ass at the end of the day. He said that it's the out of control Leslie Moonves and Joel Hollander who are responsible for this lawsuit. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard heard that Liz was also pissed that Penny Crone wasn't working yesterday, she was shooting with Fred and Robin yesterday. Gary came in and said that he heard that the news department was upset because they weren't fed at Howard's birthday party. Liz was going around and taking food off the tables that wasn't eaten so she could feed the news crew.
Lisa told Howard that they'll be talking about Penny Crone being in Fred and Robin's movie yesterday. They'll also be talking to Gilbert Gottfried about being voted as one of the least sexy men. Lisa said that they'll be talking to Steve the Intern about a comment he made about Will Murray. They'll also have an interview with Lisa Rinna about whether or not Beth should do Dancing with the Stars. As Lisa wrapped up she reminded everyone that the Intern Show is tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Robin said that the radio division is a small part of the company and Sumner really had no idea what he was doing. Howard said he gets put off by this stuff and takes it way too personally. Robin said that he is being sued though and it's very personal. Howard wanted to get off of that subject because he knows the audience probably gets bored with that stuff.
Mel said that the two people should be able to decide to make love and not have a baby. He believes that no one should be forced to be a parent if they don't want to be one. He said he had a case where they sued a woman after she told this guy that there was no way she could get pregnant because of a medical condition and she ended up getting pregnant. They're suing her over that because she decided to have the baby. This guy told her ahead of time that he didn't want to be a father but she insisted that she couldn't get pregnant.
Robin said that this is a heinous conversation because these are human lives that they're talking about and there are kids out there that need parents. Howard said that the conversation is about how men have no rights when it comes to children. If a guy doesn't want the kid, or even wants the kid and the woman gets an abortion, he has no say in it. Howard told Mel to fight on but Robin said that it's just not right.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about that stuff and how guys get screwed over all the time. Mel told a story about a woman who waited until her child was 17 years old before going to court. She sued the guy for back child support and won and now the guy has to pay $195,000 in back child support. The guy didn't even know he had the kid for 17 years and now he has to pay.
Howard said he wants to know where his rights are in all of this. Mel said that this is like Roe Vs. Wade for men as far as he's concerned. Robin said that the courts shouldn't be involved in this because it should be between two people. Artie said that there are two things that he expects women not to have when he has sex with them... and orgasm and a baby.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that he needed this guy Mel about 7 years ago. He was told that this woman couldn't have a baby but now he's got 3 kids. Howard let Mel go a short time later.
He had another clip where this guy Baba Looey died and a news reporter did a report about it. Howard said that he's not laughing at the story about the way the guy died, he's laughing about the guy's name being Baba Looey. The guy died when he tried to save his dog from drowning. Howard thought the guy's real name was Baba but the other guys thought it could be Bob Alouie or something like that. Gary read an article about the guy and found that he had changed his name because his real last name was a tongue twister. Howard figures the guy was a fan of the show if he named himself Baba Louie.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that Robin was being a bit cunty about the previous segment. The guy went on to tell a story about how he knocked up a woman who told him he didn't knock her up and she ended up giving the kid up for adoption. He's still trying to find that child.
Howard mentioned that they have only one pair of tickets left to give away to the Howard Stern Film Festival. He's got a bunch of people who are willing to do crazy stuff to win those tickets. One guy is coming in on Monday to get a load dropped on him by High Pitch Eric.
Howard asked Robin if she watched American Idol. He thinks that Catherine Mcfee is going to win it. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard told Tera that she's too good looking for porn in his opinion. He also said that she's better looking than ever. She asked him when they were going to do the Howard Stern sex tape. She said she'd be willing to make a tape with him and with Beth. Howard wondered how much that would be worth. Tera thinks it would be worth millions no problem. Artie said that Paris Hilton's sex tape grossed like $200 million.
Tera said that she's really good at licking pussy now and she could do Beth no problem. In the past she never did it until she started doing the movies. She said that her first scene was with Savanna Samson and Savanna really enjoyed it. Howard said that Beth tries to push him away when he does it to her so he wanted to know the secret to doing it. Tera said that a guy has to pull back the clit, lick it and play with it. Artie said that he's been told he's actually good at that.
Howard said he likes doing that to a chick as long as she smells good down there. Tera said she only had one chick who smelled down there and she sent her home that day. She doesn't want to put herself at risk when that happens so she cut the scene and refused to do it. The other woman said she may have been having an ''off day.'' Howard told a story about catching a whiff of a woman one time at Scores and he's pretty sure it was her ass that stunk. Gary said he caught a whiff of that same stripper as well and it was the first and last one he ever caught a whiff of. Tera said that she was just close to the other woman and she could smell it through her panties.
Howard asked Tera about her husband and how they're both in porn movies. Howard thinks that Tera got bored and that's why she decided to stop just doing her husband in the movies she was doing. She said that they don't do other people unless they're making movies. She said they only make about one a month so it's not that many people.
Howard read that Tera went to a party and Jessica Alba was there. Tera said that she was really hot and she tried to put some moves on her but nothing happened. She said they were both at Brett Ratner's birthday party. Tera also said that Lindsay Lohan gave her a look of disgust when she said hello to her. Gary said that the funny thing is that Tera's movies have grossed more than Lindsay's movies have.
Howard asked Tera what kind of money she's making. She said that she would want to own the movie so there was no specific amount. Howard gave her a plug for her movie ''Teradise Island'' which is available at ClubTera.com. He asked her about shooting the anal scenes and found out that she uses a butt plug before the scenes to get her loosened up. She said she had to put it in about an hour before the scene. She also has two enemas done before the movie to make sure she's cleaned out.
Howard talked about the plot of the movie and then read that she smokes weed like 4-5 times a day. She said she also smokes it before doing scenes in her movies. She's only been smoking for about 3 years though.
Tera told Howard that she has had some great scenes with Alexis Amore because she can do just about anything she wants with her. Tera was also telling Howard about the women she brings home for her husband sometimes. She said that she will bring them home, smoke some weed and get it on with them. Howard dug a little deeper and asked her for more details. Tera was telling Howard she will watch some of the movie ''White Chicks'' because she really likes that. Then they'll start kissing and rubbing of legs. After that they'll get down to the other stuff. They'll undress, take a shower... Tera said that sometimes it's better to have sex in the shower.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted Howard to get Tera on the Sybian. Tera said that she actually has one at home but she's never orgasmed from one. Howard told her to try the unit that had the double dildo on it. Tera said she can't do that because she didn't do her double enema today. Howard didn't care but Tera did. Howard told the guys to find a single penetration attachment since she wasn't going to do the anal thing.
Tera went over to the Sybian and Howard asked her to tell them how she was feeling the whole time. The fans want to hear if she's close to having an orgasm. Tera took off her skirt but kept on her panties. She wasn't going to put it inside of her so she was keeping them on. Howard wondered why she'd be uptight about it, she's a porn star. Tera said that she doesn't cum just from having something inside of her.
Mike Gange said that they've used up the flat attachments and that's what they wanted to use this morning. Gary wanted her to try using one of the units with a dildo on it and just put it where it would work. She gave it a try and Gary turned on the machine. Her breasts were out by this point and Howard said she may have the best boob job ever. She also had glitter on her chest that he liked. Tera was saying that it was like a clit massager and she was really liking it. Gary turned up the power to about 50 percent and she was moaning the whole time. Howard said that she was rubbing her breast while Gary had the power up around 70 percent. Gary eventually moved it up to 100 percent and Tera was screaming at that point.
Tera told Howard that she's really wet but she didn't have an orgasm. She was afraid she was going to squirt so she stood up off of the machine. Howard wanted her to unload and go all the way. She was willing to try it a second time though. She also told Gary she likes the machine at about 50 percent, not 100 percent. They pulled out another attachment that was the same as the one Jenna Jameson used.
Tera got back on the Sybian with the new attachment and tried to get off again. Howard told her to just let it happen. She started moaning as soon as she got on the machine and told Howard that it was hard to finish. Howard told Gary to turn it up to 75 percent. Robin said that might be too much but Howard thinks Tera can take it. Howard asked Tera if there was anything they could do to help her. She was just moaning and not answering him. She eventually said that she was just getting wet and not finishing.
Gary asked her what she needed from them. Howard figured it out and told Gary to jack it up to 60 percent. She got back on and Howard whispered to her ''I'm a millionaire... I've got a ton of dough and I want to give you all of my money and give you jewelry...'' He was telling her he wanted to take her out shopping and to buy her diamonds and unload cash on her. He was asking for her to just cum for him. A few seconds later she actually did! He had mentioned something about getting her on Dancing with the Stars and that drove her over the edge. Gary said that her head went back and her eyes rolled into her head when he told her that she could go to Tiffany.
Tera thanked Howard for what he had done. Howard gave her a plug for her new movie which is coming out in June. He also said that you can find out more at TeraTrailers.com. They went to break a short time later.
That wasn't the clip Howard wanted to play, he was looking for the clip where Riley tells them where to send his tickets. He found it a short time later and played that one. Riley asked for four tickets to the Film Fest. He also said he needs a schedule for his radio program because the fans are awaiting his return. Riley was also saying that he would like to sit in as a judge if any of the other judges back out.
Howard asked Gary why Riley isn't going to be there at the film festival because that's the kind of people who should be on the red carpet. Gary said he talked to Doug about that but Doug didn't give him an answer. Some people can't make it in because they can't afford to get there. Doug Goodstein came in and said he's not trying to avoid the question. He said that the festival is going to be spectacular. They have great films but that's not what Howard is talking about. He's talking about the Red Carpet event. Doug said that they have invited people like High Pitch Eric, Double A, Elephant Boy and Wendy the Retard to the event. Gary the Retard is a logistical nightmare so he may not make it.
Doug said that they'll have to find a bigger venue next year because it's like the hottest ticket out there. They only have about 400 seats. Mariann from Brooklyn and Joey Boots will also be there. Doug said that on Friday they will be able to announce the finalists and talk about the films they have coming up.
Howard read some other mail about the conversations they've had about Beth's male massage. There was also some feedback about the Dancing with the Stars story. One person thinks that Howard is controlling Beth and not letting her do it but he claims that's not what's going on. He claims he's told her to go for it if she wants and he's not holding her back.
Howard's guys had a poll up on his web site yesterday and they found that 42 percent of the audience thinks that her massage was wrong and 68 percent think it was fine. He read through some other feedback about Beth and her possibly going on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard read some mail about Riley Martin. One guy said that he loves the guy on the show. There was another e-mail from someone who thinks that Doug Goodstein is a fag. Howard said that Doug is a good guy and he doesn't know why people are picking on him. Artie said that's because Howard picks on Doug.
Howard said that Sal has been getting a lot of positive feedback about the stuff he's doing on the show. The one e-mail that he was reading actually sounded like something that Sal wrote himself. There was some feedback about the phone sex call he had with Jessica Hahn and some people liked that.
Howard said he had to take a break before bringing in Jay Thomas. The guys spent a minute talking about Jay and the way he works for SIRIUS from L.A. with other people located in other spots around the country. King of All Blacks called in and said that the whole Beth massage thing has been bothering him for a while now. That got Howard talking about that again and said he knows he was wrong for going off on her but it also shows that he cares about her very much. He thinks that's progress for him as far as caring about people but Robin doesn't believe it's a good thing for him to get so jealous.
King also told Howard that he went to the car show in New York and all of the cars had SIRIUS in them. Howard said that his buddy Wayne Segal told him that people who come to his dealership are asking to have their XM radios removed and SIRIUS put in. King also asked Howard to guess what the nicest car was there at the car show. King said that the BMW M6 has 550 horsepower and that's insane. Howard wondered why someone would even want that much horsepower. King said you don't need it, you just have it to show it off. He said he knows how to do it. Howard said he really doesn't care about cars and he doesn't get it. He owns just one car but it's a couple of years old now. He's got the Audi S8 that he's had for a couple of years now. King couldn't believe that Howard still has that car. Howard had to cut him off so he could take his break and move on to Jay Thomas.
Artie said that he got a Mercedes CL500 which is a pretty fast car. His nose was all stuffed up so Howard asked him if he had a cold or something. Artie said he gets allergies every year and he was all stuffed up. Howard told him to do some coke and clear it up. Artie leases cars so he goes through them every couple of years. He got this new one so he could have SIRIUS in it. That led to the guys talking about the many stations they listen to on SIRIUS at home and in their cars. Artie said he's been listening to some Big 80s stuff and there's one song that he never hears on regular radio. It's ''The Breakup Song'' by Greg Kihn. Fred played some of that and Howard figures that Sal will have a Baba Booey song parody based on that song by the end of the day.
Fred had some new Baba Booey song parodies that have been coming in lately. Some are created by Sal and Richard, some are sent in by the fans. Howard said he likes to sit back in Gary's office and play them while he's looking at Gary. They went to break a short time later.
Jay talked about the way he does his show from his house out in California while his partner Rodney Conover does the show from Chicago. He said he was afraid he was going to sound too comfortable in his house. Howard figured he was just sick of being home. Jay said that's probably true because his wife would walk in during the show and ask him questions. He said that it's really hard to do the show from home. Howard said he wouldn't be able to do it from home, it would be too relaxed.
Jay said that you have to have your own room and it's not that bad. He also said that there are a couple of guys out in Los Angeles who are doing a show where they pretend to be on the air together but they're actually separated. He said that it's Kevin and Bean and that's the story he's heard but he's not sure if that's the truth or not. Rush Limbaugh does his show from Florida and people think that he's in New York.
Jay told Howard there was another guy who was broadcasting his show into Boston from Long Island and when people found out, there was an uproar over the whole thing. He had to move up to Boston to calm the people down.
Jay told Howard about how there are stories out there about how the housing market is going down but it's not the truth right now. He thinks that the more people talk about things like that happening, the more chance there will be that it will happen. Howard related that to the people out there who are saying that he's upset that they only have 4 million subscribers. He said he's thrilled that they have that many but it would be nice if they had 20 million.
Howard said that Jay is very smart when it comes to that stuff but he's also one of those guys who claims he can speak to the dead. Jay said that his mother just passed away recently and he feels that he's heard the voices of dead relatives before. He said he loved his mother but she once got very upset when a black family moved in next to them down in New Orleans. He said his brother had just been arrested for cocaine possession so it was probably their house that was dragging down the housing on their street, not the black people.
Jay said that his mother loved men and after his father died, she went out and started dating and had a lot of fun. She also love to gamble. After she died he said he got more upset than he thought he would. She was 91 years old and had Alzheimer's. He said he went to Beliz after that and said that he was playing the slots out there. He asked for his mother to give him a signal that she was there and asked her to make him win. He could hear her telling him that she didn't know how to make the machine win but he demanded that she go in there and make it happen. He could hear her asking him what had happened to her and stuff like that. He had a whole conversation with her about her death and about the slots.
Howard wondered if this was in Jay's head or if he was talking to the slot machine while that was going on. Jay said that he felt that he was speaking to his dead mother that day. He said his mother used to have the same kind of conversations with her dead relatives and he felt that he could do the same thing.
Howard asked Jay how he avoided becoming a racist when his mother was one. He said that she wasn't a racist, she just didn't understand the way things worked. Jay was also saying that Hurricane Katrina was a good thing because it ran out all of the bad people, white and black, from New Orleans. He said that Baltimore, Philadelphia and Washington DC also need some Cat 5 hurricanes to hit them.
Howard asked Jay what he did last night. Jay said he went out to dinner and met up with Wendy Malik and Dan Lauria. He was going to have just one drink but he ended up eating a ton of deserts and went to the bar at the restaurant to continue his conversations with the people he was out with. Howard doesn't do stuff like that much so he wanted to understand how Jay does something like that. Jay said that he was told that Seinfeld and Matthew Broderick were hanging out having a conversation so he was going to go say hello to them. David Schwimmer was also supposed to be there.
Jay said that he walked around the corner and saw Matthew Broderick and Seinfeld standing there so he pretended to be drunk and said ''HEYYYYYYY'' which scared Broderick. He shook his hand and Seinfeld was standing there acting shocked as well so he just walked away pretending to be drunk. David Schwimmer was there as well but he pulled his hand back and didn't say hello to him.
Howard asked Jay how things are going on his radio show. Jay said it's fine and no one is paying any attention to him. He said he would consider going back to terrestrial radio since he doesn't have the same type of deal that Howard does. He said he is having a good time doing the show though. Howard gave him a plug for the show which airs from 2-5pm on the Star Channel on SIRIUS. He will be doing his show from the New York International Car Show this week.
Jay told Howard about having Adrienne Barbeau on his show recently and how great she was as a guest. She wrote a book (There Are Worse Things I Could Do) and had some interesting stuff in it. Howard said he wasn't sure that it would be that great of an interview but Jay seems to think that she was great. Howard used to beat off to her when he was younger but he's not sure she's still that good looking. Jay told him that she still looks very good.
Howard asked Jay if he got any feedback about his last appearance when he was talking badly about Robin Williams. He said he didn't hear much about him because Robin isn't Teflon like he was many years ago. The guy didn't even know he worked with Jay. Jay claims that Robin introduced him to someone one time and said that he had done '' a couple of episodes'' of Mork and Mindy. Jay was on the show for 3 years! Howard thanked Jay for coming in and went to break a short time later.
George Flowers gave his quick preview which was basically the same thing that Lisa G mentioned earlier in the morning. Howard ended up getting into a discussion about his relationship with Beth. He's still claiming that he wants Beth to go out and do her thing if she wants but others think that he's not telling her how he really feels.
Howard read a press release about Beth taking over as the host of the G4 show ''Filter'' starting on June 3rd at 7pm. He read through that and said he knew about it before but they're just releasing the details now. She has to fly out to Los Angeles to shoot that show and he doesn't have a problem with that.
Steve the Intern gave a quick rundown of what they have coming up on The Intern Show tonight. Jon Hein had his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He said that they'll talk about Tera Patrick and Jay Thomas' appearances. Artie will be stopping by the show to talk about the music he's listening to on SIRIUS.
Howard played another Sandy Cane song after wrapping up with the guys. Gary told him that she's the woman who slept with David Brenner and he wasn't able to pick her out of a line up. Howard remembered who she was after hearing that.
Howard said it looks like she's gained about 50 pounds. Nicole said her weight changes around a lot plus she was sick with pancreatitus. Howard figures it's from all of the juice she took. Nicole said that it's from when the cops beat the crap out of her a few years ago. Howard asked her if she would be willing to sit on the Sybian and destroy it. Nicole heard that Carmen Electra is in a lot of trouble for sitting on that thing.
Nicole said that she won't get on that thing and won't have an orgasm in front of Howard. Howard begged her to get on the thing but she refused. Howard wanted to hear what she sounds like when she's being pleasured. Mike Gange was showing her some of the attachments but she had zero interest in doing that.
Howard asked Nicole if she ever went on any blind dates when she was single. She said she did that a few times and she was built like a brick shit house at the time. Howard wanted to get rid of her after that so he asked her to leave. She kept talking so Howard said that it's ''tough to get rid of this guy...'' He had to have some of the guys escort her out of the studio.
Howard said he knows that people would love to see it on TV. Will came in and told him he's got to do this because it would be the greatest thing ever. They brought up Buck Angel's ride on the Sybian but that was a woman who dresses like a man so it wasn't so bad.
Siobhan came in a short time later and Howard said he was going to throw up from her because there's nothing feminine about him. Gary said that he/she hasn't had sex since the sex change operation. Siobhan claims that he can still orgasm but he doesn't produce a load. He doesn't have any hair on his head so he wears a pink baseball cap with a babushka on his head. Gary said he was putting on his mask so no one will see him on TV.
Siobhan pulled down his pants and all of the guys let out a moan when they saw that. He was going to keep his/her panties on because he didn't want to use that attachment. Siobhan pulled off his panties a minute later and there was some dry heaving going on. Howard was ready to throw up when he saw Siobhan's fake vagina. Artie asked them what the fuck was going on. Gary said that was no vagina...
Gary started out the Sybian down low and Siobhan wasn't feeling anything so he jacked it up pretty high. Siobhan said she liked it at around 70 percent. He started getting sore after about 5 seconds. He also said that it was irritating his hemorrhoids... (dry heave here). Howard said that may have been the most disgusting thing he's ever seen. He told Siobhan to get out of there. He said he almost wretched when he saw that going on. He said he's not sure he could be with a woman for the next week. Artie said he might not be able to eat until about 11 o'clock... it was 10:32.
Fred was pretty disgusted and said that he has to work with her later today. He wondered how a doctor takes money for something like that. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they're editing that segment right now and they should have it up on Howard TV On Demand very soon. He said it was ''fucking disgusting'' and he almost puked as well. There was a replay playing on the TVs in the studio and Artie freaked out when he saw it. Doug said that was the worst ever ride on the Sybian. Worse than Buck Angel and Blue Iris.
A little later on Howard asked Artie what he would do if he either had to give Siobhan cunnilingus or High Pitch would bang his sister. Artie thought for a split second and said that his sister would have to get drunk and fuck High Pitch. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about Robin's movie that she was filming yesterday with Fred. He heard that she was a major pain in the ass. She says that she was being a director. She said she was trying to do a special effect and it wasn't going well. They only had one piece of equipment left and they had to get it right on the last take so she had to tell some people to stop talking in the office. Artie said you have to admire her spirit in this whole thing, she's really into it. Howard said that the film festival is going to be great next week.
Howard said that his show didn't rerun yesterday because they didn't get the show 'captured' correctly so they weren't able to run it. They will run it at a future date. It had nothing to do with the content of the show, it was all a technical glitch that they had to deal with.
Stonerdude also told Howard that it's also Carmen Electra and George Takei's birthday. Howard talked about Carmen for a short time and said that he'd like to do her doggy style. Howard said that a girl has a lot of balls getting into that position because if they think their ass looks bad, that's the worst position to be in. Howard said he can't last more than 30 seconds in that position. He loves doing a chick that way.
Howard said that he tried to watch an HD signal the other day and it wasn't filling up the screen. His TV guy told him that sometimes that doesn't work and you don't get the show in full HD. He said he can't even have his regular TiVo wit the HD.
Gary told Howard that he got HD a couple of weeks ago and there's hardly any HD programming available. He has to watch his TV in small pictures because they don't fill the screen. Scott DePace came in and said that DirecTV has HD channels from 70 up to 100 but Howard told him that it wasn't working right when he tuned in. Scott told him that's because the TV doesn't recognize it. He also suggested that Howard watch the HD in stretch mode so all of his programming will fill the screen. Howard said he doesn't want to do that and he doesn't know why anyone would want to watch TV that way.
Howard played a comedy bit that their old intern Mitch Fatel did about doing it doggy style. He and the guys got a few laughs out of that. Howard asked Artie if he likes to do it in that position. Artie said he likes doing it missionary style, he doesn't want to do it doggy style. Howard said he always starts out that way and then he gets on his knees and puts her feet on his shoulders. Then he does the flip over and stops half way through and then goes doggy style. He said he very rarely lays on his back.
Howard asked Artie if he ever does anything from those men's magazines where they suggest rubbing up against the clit and stuff like that. Artie said he gets pissed when he gets sex advice from a magazine and usually doesn't follow it. He's prefer not to be told how to cum. That led to the guys talking about taking Viagra and other drugs like that. Some guys take it even though they don't need it. Bubba the Love Sponge apparently takes Cialis just because it makes sex better.
Howard said that Ronnie was telling him about this Playboy channel chick who is so sexy that he can beat off to her. The chick was talking about how a guy can blow a load like a porn star. Howard said he's never thought about blowing a load like a porn star though. He said he doesn't care how much comes out, he just cares about how it feels. Ronnie came in and said that this chick Tiffany Graneth was talking about getting this stuff called Ogoplex or something to blow the big load.
Howard said he would never take anything to make his load bigger. He can't imagine why anyone would want to do that. Gary said that he wonders what else that stuff would do to your body. Artie wondered if it's to help people have kids or something. No one knew what it was or what it did. Ronnie said they were also talking about how the stuff makes you stuff come out like rope.
Richard Christy came in and said that there's a guy by the name of Peter North who is known for the way he blows his huge loads on women's faces. He said that the guy won't reveal his secret though. Richard said that he has blown some big loads that have hit his face.
Howard read about some stuff that you can order to make your loads bigger. He wondered what kind of guy would want to do that. Gary told Howard that there's some other weird stuff that Bubba does. He said Bubba was in his office one day and asked him about taking Cialis. Gary doesn't take it regularly so Bubba had his producer Brent pull out his stash of pills to show Gary what he had. Brent carries around all of that stuff for him.
Gary said he once took Cialis but it didn't make a difference for him. He said he got sick of waiting around so he just had sex with his wife. Ronnie said that he once took something but it wasn't a name brand. Howard had Captain Janks on the phone because he claims that those load pills really work. He said that it was so much that he would have felt embarrassed if he had been with a woman. He was just jerking off so no one saw it. He said that the load was bigger but it came out really quick. Artie was kind of disgusted just thinking about Janks jerking off. Janks said he was in the bathroom of a Black Sabbath concert when he did it too so that didn't help the image. Janks said that he would never do it again.
Robin said that it does matter to women because they feel that they're satisfying the man if they have a bigger load. Ronnie said that there was a discussion on the Playboy channel where they talked about how guys who last long may not be getting satisfied fast enough. He said that the show is great because they talk about all kinds of things.
Howard said that they have a guy coming in next week to get a load dropped on him by High Pitch Eric so maybe they should get some of that Ogoplex for Eric to use before blowing his load. Janks said that the load stuff works immediately so they could probably give it to Eric and have it work.
Gary said that there's a guy who works there who has been on the set of a lot of porn movies but he can't come in. The guy says that they actually use stuff that looks like cum for the money shot sometimes. They also have guys who are just there to finish as well. A phone caller told Howard that there's one guy who eats a ton of celery before doing a porn scene because it gives more of a load. Another caller said that Janks is full of it because he used that Ogoplex stuff and it took 3 months before it started to make a difference.
Howard complained about his cable porn being gone again. Ronnie said he still has it on his cable system so Howard's new TV setup must be screwed up. Howard changed subjects and said that Rod Stewart was awful on American Idol last night. Ronnie said that his girlfriend's boobs were nice though. Howard said he didn't like Rod Stewart singing standard songs like he was on American Idol. He had some audio of Rod singing the song he did last night but it wasn't the live version. Gary told him he'd have that version in a few seconds.
Howard talked about the latest episode of The Sopranos which he watched twice because it was so good. That led to the guys talking about how they would react if they found out a friend of theirs was gay and sucking dick. Howard said he's not sure he'd be able to remain friends with someone like that. He'd like to think that he's above all of that but he's not so sure.
Howard said it's kind of weird that CBS will allow Opie and Anthony to be on their air promoting XM radio while they're suing Howard Stern for talking about SIRIUS while he as still working there. Howard said that it just shows what a scumbag Joel Hollander is. Gary was really upset when he heard that Opie and Anthony were picked up by CBS because they always claimed that they beat Howard's ass in the ratings when they really didn't. Howard isn't as upset as Gary is though.
Howard explained how Opie and Anthony were fired from CBS a few years back because they had some fans having sex in a church one time. That really pissed off the catholic church and now CBS is going to put them back on the air and it looks like four Jews, Sumner Murray Rothstein (Redstone), Steve Lehrman, Joel Hollander and Leslie Moonves putting them back on the air and ignoring what they did to the Catholic church. Howard said that those guys are underestimating what that means and it's a real surprise to him. He said that it will be the ultimate end to Joel Hollander's career.
Howard said that he hands it to Clear Channel because they rebuilt their company in a new way by going in a new direction. CBS isn't doing that, they won't just move on and forget about him and his show. Howard said that they will probably get some ratings going over there at FreeFM but it won't last in the long term. He said that they didn't even give David Lee Roth a chance to get any ratings before they revamped his show and buried the guy.
Howard said that he's not upset that they're filling his old slot with those guys. He's on to a new phase of his career and he's done with terrestrial radio. Howard wonders why other radio stations don't put on some good morning shows to go up against Opie and Anthony because they're going to have to do a watered down version of their show for CBS.
Howard said that he believes in satellite radio and there's no way he would go back on terrestrial radio after leaving it. He finds it interesting that CBS had to go to satellite radio to find some talent to replace Roth. Gary said that Roth is already looking to do afternoons on SIRIUS. He heard him interviewed by Steve Langford from Howard 100 News. Gary had that audio up on Howard's computer so he could play it. Howard said he feels bad for David because CBS didn't give him a chance to build his audience.
Gary said he has a friend who was offered some work with David Lee Roth's show and he was told that they were guaranteeing that they were going to keep Roth on for 3 years. Now, just 4 months in, Roth is gone. Howard read an article about Roth being replaced and how Opie and Anthony were replacing him. CBS will be running a cut up version of O&A's show. Gary said he heard it may be delayed up to a day so that would be really weird.
Howard had the audio where Steve Langford interviewed David Lee Roth yesterday. Roth was saying that he's been playing every day as if it were his last at the old K-Rock, now FreeFM, station. Roth said that there isn't much communication going on there at CBS and they seem to have given up on him already. He knew that his days were numbered and he was right. Roth said that he was proud that his show didn't sound anything like Howard's. That's not what CBS wanted from him in the end though.
Howard said that CBS knew what they got into, they heard Roth's show before they put him on the air. Adam Carolla isn't doing any better than Roth out in Los Angeles so he's wondering why he isn't being fired as well. Gary said that no one is even talking about Adam's show.
Howard played more of Langford's report and Tim Sabean said that he would talk to David about giving him a job but Howard and the guys said that Tim will talk to anyone. He's even talking to Jeff the Drunk about a show. Howard had a message that Jeff left for Tim where he said he had an idea for a show. Howard got back to Steve Langford's report and finished that up. Langford talked to Tim Sabean about Roth getting a job there. Roth is ready to come over as long as he's working at 5 at night instead of 5 in the morning.
Howard said that was pretty weird, Robin thought it was kind of sad. He wished Opie and Anthony luck with this new venture. He thinks that it's another victory for SIRIUS though. He asked his fans to tell their friends about SIRIUS so they know what's going on. Howard said that Joel Hollander is such a horrible radio guy. He's like a mad man and knows nothing about what he's doing. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Benjy asked Howard what he would do if Beth got a movie role and she had a sex scene. He wondered how far he'd let her go. Howard said he'd like to be cool with stuff like that but he's just not. Artie said that Dana was really cool with him doing a kissing scene in his movie but he doesn't think that he'd be able to be the same way with her if she had a scene like that.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he saw Donald Trump's wife Melania in the paper today. Artie saw her and said that her tits are huge after having the baby. That led to the guys talking about Trump's kids and how he will probably never touch that kid again.
Howard had some audio from Howard 100 News where they interviewed Lisa Rinna about what she thinks about Beth being offered the chance to do Dancing with the Stars. She was talking about how it's going to take about 3 months out of Beth's life. Howard said he could barely make it through one night without Beth last night. Lisa was wondering if Howard and Beth's relationship could survive the show. It's already ruining Howard's life from what Gary can tell.
Howard said that Beth called him yesterday and told him that two guys sat out next to her at the pool at the hotel she's staying at out in Phoenix. She doesn't know why they would do that. All of the guys know why. Gary said that if Beth gets into the finals on Dancing with the Stars, Howard would have to go out there to be there for her. Howard said he might be sitting home watching the show with a new girlfriend by that point. He might show up out in L.A. with a new girlfriend to support Beth.
In the news report Lisa Rinna said that what she got paid to do that show was a lot of money but Howard said that they could afford to pay the contestants more money than they do. Lisa thinks that Beth should jump at the chance to do that show.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about Beth's decision. Howard said that if she decides to do the show, he will support her. He's not going to stop her from doing that show. Gary said that she's going to have to go out and do a lot of promotion on other shows. Gary thinks that she'll end up on The View and he'd love to see that happen. It is an ABC show so they might have to put her on even though Howard thinks that it would never happen.
Howard said he likes Rod Stewart but this American Idol thing he did is kind of lame. He said he hates to hear him doing these standards songs that he's doing. That's the kind of stuff that Barry Manilow puts out. He played the clip of Rod singing on American Idol last night and Artie said it is kind of brutal. Robin said that if he was auditioning for that show, he wouldn't have made it. Howard kept the clip going and wondered how old the guy is. The guys think that he's somewhere near 60. Gary found out he just turned 61 in January.
A caller told Howard that he's coming to the film festival and he can't wait. That got Howard talking about the film festival and how they're going to have Sam Simon and Bubba coming in to judge the films along with Richard Roeper and Todd Phillps.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba's show yesterday and Hulk Hogan called in. He was telling Bubba that he's moving to Miami and Bubba was kind of upset about that. The caller thinks that this film festival is going to be the beginning of a great thing. He was wondering who will invited to the after party. Howard wasn't sure about that and he's not even sure where the party is.
The caller suggested that they get Joan and Melissa Rivers down there for the red carpet thing. Howard said that he thinks they got a Joan Rivers look alike to come down which is kind of lame in his opinion. He let that guy go and brought in Lisa G.
Artie said he'll also be doing an Eddie Murphy routine where he used the word ''faggot'' a lot but that was before the political correctness that came about.
Howard said that on last night's Jimmy Kimmel show Dick Cavet came out and does a moonwalk thing and then uses the term ''colored boy'' while talking about a black kid. Howard thought that was kind of weird.
Lisa G said that they'll be talking to George Takei about his tour of the country backing gay rights. Howard played some of the George Takei audio book remixes that Richard Christy put together. Lisa also mentioned that tonight is the Superfan Roundtable show which Howard says he loves... because it's all about him.
Lisa was complaining about how Howard never comes down to visit the news department. Howard told her that he doesn't visit anyone, he works, has meetings and then goes home.
Howard asked her about this gang bang thing. She said that her husband liked to watch as other guys banged her so that's where that came from. The guys were all friends of her football player husband. The guys were all black guys and her husband was white.
Howard wondered why a guy would want to watch his wife get banged by big black guys. She told Howard how that all came about but Howard thought it was kind of nuts. She said that she met this guy through a chat room and then the husband had her banging him in front of him. Howard asked if the husband sucked the other guys off or something before they banged her. She said that didn't happen and her husband didn't beat off or anything like that either.
Cynthia claims that the guy claimed to have played for the Miami Dolphins. That led to the guys kind of goofing on her about how the guy was probably lying about that. She was also telling them about how she wouldn't have them over to her house, she met them at a hotel room to have sex with them. Howard said it must be awesome when one of those guys sticks one of his big ham hands inside of her.
Howard asked her how everything happened and what she does when the doorbell rings at the hotel room. Cynthia said that she was wearing a little cotton dress or something and she probably answered the door herself. She said that they all had some drinks to loosen up a bit. Howard asked her how she got ready for them. She said that one of the guys would approach her and had her sit on his lap. She said she also put on some music on a regular pop station.
Howard was dragging the story out of Cynthia and wondered why he was doing that. He just wanted her to tell the story. She said that the guys all came into the bed with her while her husband sat in a chair and watched. She said that the three guys all picked a position and started to do her. She said that she was in the doggy position a little bit. She said she really likes that position.
Howard asked if Cynthia's husband wanted some jizz on him while she was doing all of this stuff. She said that didn't happen. Howard asked if the guys left right after they finished with her. She said that they did kind of get out of there pretty quick. Howard thought the story was kind of crazy.
Cynthia said that wasn't the only story she wanted to tell. She was going to tell a story about her girlfriend but the guys were goofing on her for having slept with a bunch of Miami Dolphins. Howard told Cynthia that she should come to the film festival but she has to show herself to the crowd. She said she might give up her tickets for someone else since she was kind of thrown under the bus.
Howard told Howard to get this woman off the air because she's f'd up. He said that this shows just how messed up teachers are these days. Howard asked her if she wanted the tickets or not. She said that she was going to pass. Howard said they could keep her anonymous at the film festival if she calls in tomorrow with her husband. She said she may do that and also said that the gang bang thing was a one time thing. She said it was the only really strange thing that she's done in her relationship.
Artie said that was quite a thing to do for her husband on his birthday. Banging three black Miami Dolphins in front of him. Howard took a call from another woman who said that this chick has to be lying because she wasn't coming out with the details quick enough. Howard said that she appears to know the story just fine, he just had to drag it out of her.
Robin said that she was reading between the lines and figures that this woman's husband is impotent. She said that he is a little older than she is and his sex drive isn't quite up to hers. Howard put her on hold and said he'd like to talk to her and her husband.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was watching Imus who is now supporting Opie and Anthony with this move to replace David Lee Roth. Howard said that he really doesn't care about that whole thing. He said that they're going to have an edited, watered down show that will probably get some ratings where they have no competition. CBS is going to screw over David Lee Roth and this is going to be a quick fix for them. It will be great exposure for Opie and Anthony though. He says he really doesn't care who replaces him because he has nothing to do with terrestrial radio anymore. He's concentrating on satellite.
Howard wondered how CBS can go back on what they said when they fired Opie and Anthony years ago for desecrating the catholic church. It's very weird stuff to him. He said he wishes everyone on terrestrial radio luck with dealing with the FCC and 22 minutes of commercials per hour. Howard had to take another break a short time later. He had Henry Rollins waiting to come in.
Henry is still with his band and he's been in practice all this week. He said that he got away from that for a while but now he's back into it and appreciating it. He asked Howard what's going on with his show and why people are bad mouthing him. Howard told Henry that he doesn't like it when his imitators go on the air and feel they have to bad mouth him. Henry told Howard that they're just jealous and he doesn't have to take the time to comment on them.
Howard explained that he was just talking about how he doesn't care about terrestrial radio anymore. He's done with the FCC and all of that crap so he's just moving on. He also said that he was depressed for the past 10 years until he got out of there. Now he's happy again. He said that it's ridiculous that CBS only gave David Lee Roth 3 months to try and get ratings. They probably won't pay Roth when they fire him and now they're going to bring in Opie and Anthony in to replace Roth. He said he doesn't feel weird or jealous because he's done with that, but he does find it kind of odd that CBS is bringing back a team that had their fans desecrating a catholic church.
Henry said that he and his crew listen to Howard in their office every morning and it won't be too long before everyone has access to satellite in their cars, computers and more. Howard talked about the lawsuit that CBS has filed against him and how ridiculous he thinks that is. Henry agrees with Howard that it appears that they're just angry that he left the company.
Henry said that he's known Adam Carolla for years and his show is coming around slowly but Howard's shoes are very big shoes to fill. He said that Howard is a huge part of American culture and he's better off there on satellite than he was on terrestrial radio.
Henry said that he's got this show on IFC and they haven't censored him yet. He said that they have told him that he is pushing the limits but they let him go through with it. Howard said he had a lot of that kind of stuff in his career as well. He said that just talking about things, not even sex stuff, can get you into trouble. He said it just sucked on terrestrial radio though so he was done with it.
Henry said that he has a show on terrestrial radio but he has to be careful about what he plays. Howard interrupted and asked Henry if he saw that KISS is putting out perfume now. Henry said that Gene and Paul are the man because they want everyone's money. Artie said that it's almost as if they're into the joke of the whole thing and they're putting out anything and everything they can. Richard Christy came in and said that he saw that Gene Simmons is putting out an exercise tape. He thought hat was pretty funny.
Howard heard that Henry was on a plane and decided to read a book called ''Jihad: The Rise of Militant Islam in Central Asia.'' Henry told Howard that he was on the airplane and wasn't really thinking that it was going to cause a problem. He was trying to educate himself about other parts of the world. He said that the guy who sat next to him reported him to the Australian version of homeland security so they called Henry in as a person of interest. They wanted to interview him so he told them to go fuck themselves. He got a letter back and they said they were just following up on a report that they got and didn't want to upset anyone.
Howard heard that Henry once turned down a role in a movie because his co-star Gina Gershon was rumored to have been a Scientologist. Henry said that he's not a big fan of religions that cost money to join. Howard said that they all cost money though so that's kind of wrong. Henry said he's kind of upset that he did that because now Gina Gershon doesn't like him. It may not have been the best move.
Henry said that he's not getting laid these days because it's not a priority with him. He's got a lot of other stuff going on right now and he's very busy. He said he's older now and he had a lot of that stuff when he was younger. He said that he likes having the freedom that he has right now. He knows that he's an awful boyfriend because he's never around for the woman.
Robin noticed that Henry had something going on with his hand. Henry said he tripped and fell and hurt his hand while walking in the city. He said he's not very coordinated and he's kind of a klutz. He sprained his hand when he did that so he'll be in a cast for a few weeks.
Howard asked Henry about the days when he used to go off on people. Henry talked about why he does that and how upset he gets when he sees bands screw up in their lives when they make it big. He said that there are a ton of other bands out there who just want to be as popular as Eddie Money for a day. He was also talking about Bono from U2 and how he admires the humanitarian work he does but he would get a little more dressed up if he was visiting the Oval Office with the President of the United States like Bono has.
Howard gave Henry a plug for his show that airs on IFC on Saturday nights at 10pm. Henry said that he does interviews with various people and he thinks it's a good show. He has a 20 week run and it's a weekly thing right now. Howard asked him if he'd have Courtney Love on his show. Henry said he only has 20 shows to do and she wouldn't be on his top 20 list. He would have her on if he had a daily show.
Howard asked Henry who makes him laugh since he said that Jim Carrey doesn't. Henry was saying that he likes Patton Oswalt. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Henry after that. One guy said that he was at a Rollins concert one time and Henry was calling him out in the mosh pit. He said that a friend of his threw a quarter at Henry's head and then Henry called him on stage. The guy claims that Henry stopped the show after just an hour. Henry said that they would never stop the show without doing the whole set.
Howard heard that Henry's publicist Betsy was hot so he had the guys bring her in. She was only 26 so when Howard asked him why he's not banging her, Henry said that she was too young for him. Howard asked her if she would go out with Henry if she was single. She's going out with a guy who is only 28. She said that she doesn't think that she would date someone that age. Artie asked if she would date a 38 year old who looks 60.
Howard is dating a younger woman and they get along just fine. Henry said that he figures he should be dating women in their late 30s at the youngest. Howard said he's dating a woman in her early 30s and they get along just fine. Henry said he's had a lot of fun with younger women in the past but they were just quick flings and not long term relationships.
Howard thanked Betsy for coming in and took a call from a woman who said she's 42 and a big fan of Henry's. Howard hung up on her before she could say much. Another caller asked Henry about this guy Dicky Barrett getting fired from the station he works at. Henry doesn't know what happened there but Dicky told him to carry on while other people have told him he should quit. He doesn't want to quit because he really enjoys the job. He has fun doing his 2 hour show every Tuesday night.
The caller asked Henry if there's a possibility of the band Black Flag reuniting. Henry said that he wouldn't want to be part of that because he wasn't part of the original band.
Henry told Howard that he did a good thing by bringing Bubba the Love Sponge on with him. He thinks that Bubba's show is the kind of thing that should be on radio. Howard told him about how he's been shocking women's puss's on the air and Henry didn't think that was right, but he likes the guy and that he's on the air. Howard gave Henry another plug for his TV show and wrapped up with him a short time later.
Artie said that there was one time that he was out in L.A. and saw Gary out there and he was the most hung over person he's ever seen. Gary told Howard that the new studio was beautiful. He looked around and saw Fred so he said hello to him. Fred asked him if he's coloring his hair because it's darker than he remembers it being. Gary said he's not coloring it at all.
Howard got back to the article about Lindsay Lohan. He said that the crew all sat down with her and had a chat with her about what her party lifestyle is doing to her. Artie said that's a big change for the SNL cast, doing an intervention with someone for partying too much. The rumors about the intervention were denied but there was something strange going on at the after party according to witnesses. They said that Lindsay refused to mingle with the cast of the show. Howard said that she's 19 years old so of course she's going to party.
Howard said that Gary Garver is kind of depressed. He was fired by KLSX after Howard left. Howard thought that they could have kept him around but they didn't want to pay him for the talk show he was doing. Gary said he almost had a syndication deal but things didn't work out for him. He said he was known as Scary Gary on the air.
Howard asked Gary why he's depressed. He said that he's been trying to find a job and he can't get one anywhere. He was just fired a couple of weeks ago so he's been out searching for a job. He's trying to get a job as a talk show host.
Howard heard that Gary was passing his wife bible scriptures and that's why she left him. Gary said he went over to her house one day after church and had a bible with him, that's the story. Howard also heard that Gary had gone nuts after his wife left him so he wanted to hear more about that. Gary (Baba Booey) came in to give Howard some details about that. Baba said that Gary had cheated on his wife so things went down hill from there. Gary said he only cheated one time. Baba said that's like saying you only sucked one dick.
Gary said that he had another break up recently because he was living so far away from this woman. He said it was tough because he really liked the woman's kid. Artie gave him a ''WAH!'' so Gary told him to shut the fuck up. He was going back to Africa to join the peace corps. He told Howard that this woman was the best looking woman he ever dated and she did everything with him. He said that she blew his mind but she was very hard to deal with. He said that she was an L.A. 9+ in the looks department. He said she had her own unique look and he fell in love with her.
Gary said that he wasn't getting along with the woman but he was trying to make it work. He's feeling that he's getting old and he thought she was ''the one.'' He's almost 44 years old now. He said that she was a 9 in looks but an 11 or 12 in bed.
Howard had a new Gary Garver interview to play. He interviewed Lee Meriwether. He asked her if it bothers her that her fans have to pay to meet her. She didn't know that they had to do that. She said that the money is going to her charity. Gary asked her if having one homosexual experience makes you gay. She was laughing at most of the questions but then Gary asked her if she's ever said the N-word. She said she has never said that so Gary asked her if she's ever banged a black guy. She told him he was rude. She got upset with him and asked who he worked for. He told her that it was for SIRIUS and had to spell it out for her. He asked her what year she lost her virginity but she told him to go away and leave her alone or she'd call security. She ended up calling security so they came over and asked Gary what he was asking her. Gary told the guy he was working for SIRIUS and the guy told him that he was serious too.
Howard was busting Gary's balls more about losing his wife and Gary was getting upset with him. Gary said he's lost his job, his girl and he doesn't have a home so he's kind of bummed out.
Howard got back to the tape of Gary getting confronted by security. The guy came back to him after he tried to interview another guy who wears a Superman outfit. Garver asked him some of the same questions that he asked Lee Meriwether. Some old dude asked him what he was doing and then the security guy came over and kicked him out.
Howard told Gary he feels bad that he's not doing well. He'd like to help him out but he's not sure what kind of work he'd have for him. Gary said that he's just going through a bad part of his life, he'll get over it. Howard asked if they're paying him to do the interviews. Gary said he does make a little money doing that but not enough to live off of. Howard said that maybe they can send him out to do more interviews and pay him a few more bucks. He thanked Gary for everything he's done for the show over the years and he will try to get him more work.
Gary said that he would rather have the work than have a girlfriend. He said that he doesn't really have a problem with the girls. Gary thanked Howard for the years of work he's had and said that he really appreciates that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard that this guy Rover did a waxing thing just like Howard did with Richard Christy a few weeks ago. Artie said that he was on The Best Damn Sports Show and they wanted him to play a game where they guessed what Ice Cube's answers were going to be for trivia questions. Artie said that he confronted them about ripping Howard off right in front of him and said that's just not right and they seem to think it's okay to do that.
Howard said that he's never even heard of Rover until he was hired by CBS. The caller said the guy is horrible but he was listening to him because his SIRIUS radio was broken. He went out and bought a new one. That led to the guys talking about satellite radio and wondering if XM is letting Opie and Anthony going on terrestrial radio because they think that will help them sell satellite radios. Howard doesn't think that anyone would subscribe if they can get it for free though.
The CBS lawsuit also came up so Howard spent a short time talking about what a mess that is. He said that they're so desperate over there that they've hired a couple of guys they fired for desecrating a church. Howard said that the Don and Mike types out there must be pissed because they can't get syndicated. It's like CBS is saying that there's no one good on terrestrial radio so they have to go to satellite to get someone.
Artie said he's never listened to Opie and Anthony but he has heard Don and Mike. He said that they were horrible and he wanted to drive to the studio and beat them up because they were so bad. Howard wondered why they can't put Mancow on instead of Opie and Anthony if they're going to go that route.
Robin said that's one of the reasons that she won't invite him to the party. He gets kind of drunk and can get out of control. Richard came in and said that he wasn't that brutal with Robin. He was saying that Robin went off on him the other day about a movie that he suggested for her. He said she was yelling at him for wasting two hours of her life watching ''Slither.''
High Pitch Mike from Howard 100 News is kind of upset that he wasn't invited. He came in and said that most of the people in the news department got invites but not him. There are a couple who didn't get invited. Gary said that it was apparently only the on-air talent and the news director who got invites. Robin said that she had to stop somewhere.
One of the girls in the news department was crying because she wasn't invited. Penny Crone came in and told Howard and the guys that Lisa Z, a producer, was in the back very upset that she wasn't invited. Shuli came in and said that Lisa is a huge fan of the show and she would have been very excited to go. Penny said that she would turn gay and bring Lisa if she could.
Shuli was invited to the party so Howard said that he would have invited Richard and Sal over him. Gary told Howard that Sal is still stewing over the whole thing and he's very upset he wasn't invited. Lisa Z came in a short time later and told Howard that she's been listening to the show for 20 years and she's a super fan of the show. She came into the news room today and everyone was excited that they got invites. She opened her e-mail and found that she wasn't invited. She said that everyone else got an invite and she got a little teary. Penny told her to get over herself. Lisa said that Penny has been telling her that only the stars were invited.
Mike said that Penny's head has been getting very big lately because of her stardom. Penny was also talking about some of the other crew there and how they're all wacky. George Flowers came in and said that he would be willing to give up his invite for Lisa.
Gary told Howard they have tape of Lisa crying when she first found out about not getting the invite. Howard played that but there wasn't that much to hear in there. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Penny was one of the first people to cry when she wasn't invited right away. Howard told Robin that she shouldn't have invited any of the news crew, that way she wouldn't have any of these problems.
Penny apparently told High Pitch Mike that she was willing to take a load on her chest from High Pitch Eric to get into that party before she got the invite. Penny said that was true and she's willing to do anything to get in there. Howard told everyone that Robin is her own person and she decided to draw a weird line with the invitations. Robin said the party has grown larger than it was supposed to be at this point.
Gary said that Sal is wondering why he's not getting an invitation after doing this bit. Mike made a comment about Sal having stolen the bit from the SternFanNetwork so Sal came in and got in his face and threatened him. He stuck his finger in his face and looked like he was going to sucker punch him. Sal walked out and went back to his office and closed the door. Shuli thought that was pretty uncool.
Jon Hein also came in to give a preview of the Wrap Up Show. He mentioned a bunch of the stuff that went on during today's show and what they'd be covering on his show.
Howard let those guys go and continued to goof on Sal and Richard for getting so upset about not being invited to Robin's party. Fred said that he'll be at the party and he's bringing his daughter with him. Howard said he's bringing his dog with him. He rubbed that in to Sal and said that his dog will be at Robin's party while Sal won't even be there. Robin said that Sal is already so mad at her that she'd be afraid to invite him now. Sal came back in and said he apologizes to Mike for what he did earlier. He then said that he's been trying to be nice to Robin to be the better person but she still won't invite him. He's shut his mouth for 3 days and Robin said that she's still not going to invite him. Now Sal says that he won't go to her party even if they strapped a million bucks to him and had a whore suck his cock on the way there. Robin said in that case he's invited. He refused to take that invitation and walked out of the studio.
Howard and the guys were wondering if Richard would have showered if he had been invited to the party. They did some impressions of him and goofed on him about that stuff or a short time. Richard came in and said that he used to get really chafed because he didn't shower all that often and he was sweating a lot. He said he was staying in a warehouse that was like 120 degrees so it was pretty brutal.
Howard asked Richard if it was true that he and Sal were e-mailing back and forth about how much they love each other. Richard said that was true and they do a lot of that on LotusNotes. Gary came in and said that Will was telling him that there's still beef jerky vomit on the toilet seat the Richard didn't clean up. Richard said he left it there because he figured no one would see it under the seat. Howard had to cut everyone off so he could have Robin start her news. It was almost 11 o'clock by that time.
Robin did her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
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Howard started off the show playing some audio from The Sopranos. He and Artie talked about the scene and some of the words they were using to describe a guy who was found to be gay. Howard thought that scene was great and said it was one of the best episodes yet. He told Artie that he might want to learn that scene so he can recite it verbatim like he does with The Godfather.
Howard said he didn't get much sleep last night. He's been starving himself to lose the weight so he can't sleep when he's starving. He gets hungry during the night and that wakes him up. He said that going to sleep isn't a problem, it's the waking up part.
Howard said he was on the air with Bubba last night when he was getting his prostate checked live on the air. He said he spoke to the doctor and he seemed to be like a nice guy. He put on a glove and stuck it up Bubba's ass. Howard asked the guy if there was any brown on there and they found some so they put a picture of it up on Bubba web site.
Then he was listening to the Superfan Roundtable and said that Mutt is doing a great job on there. Joey Boots was on with him and he was on fire according to Howard. He said that they were talking about how they thought that he was sabotaging Beth's chance to go on Dancing with the Stars so he had to call in and explain that he didn't sabotage her. Fred also called in and spoke to the fans on the show. He was going to tune in to hear Ferrall's show but he had to get some sleep.
Howard said he watched some of Survivor and Smallville last night before he went to bed. He was starving but didn't want to eat so he decided to beat off instead. He wasn't able to find his On Demand porn so he went and got his DVD of The Devil and Ms. Jones. He said it had been out of the DVD player for over a week but it still went back to the spot he stopped it at. He was amazed by that and Robin said she's never heard of such a thing.
Howard said he watched the same scene in the movie where Jenna has her legs behind her head and Savanna Samson is eating her out. There was a lot of talking going on in the next scene so he had to fast forward though that to get to the good stuff. He got to another sex scene and he started to stroke it but then Savanna started to get pierced with needles and stuff. He ended up shooting his load at that point even though he's not into that stuff.
Beth called him from Phoenix to talk to him so he said he was just watching TV. She's still not sure if she wants to do Dancing with the Stars. He said that people are giving him grief about the whole thing and he really does want her to do what she wants to do. He said he's not going to fly out to L.A. To see her every week but he's also not going to go screw some other chicks while she's away.
Howard said he has a new theory about Dancing with the Stars. To him it seems like the people on that show are looking to get into the spotlight and get noticed. Beth doesn't need to do that because her career is on track and she's already getting the spotlight. She's got a show on Spike TV, one on G4TV and her modeling is going fine. If she went on Dancing with the Stars, she'd be in the spotlight but people would get to know her as herself instead of her being with Howard Stern. Howard said that Beth's career will continue on course.
Artie said he doesn't get those shows and can't watch them for a minute and he's not sure that it'll last very long. Robin let him know that it's the third season for the show though and it's done fine in the past two seasons.
Howard was goofing on the guy about working at a college station for 12 years and told him that he may want to get out of the business. The guy asked Howard to take him serious because he wasn't kidding around about this. He said that he's gotten some write ups about his radio show and it's like a regular show. It's not like he's been in college for those 12 years. The guy said that he's 32 years old.
Slober also told Artie that he's been able to survive by gambling on a gambling site for over a year. Artie told the guy he may want to rethink his life when he's working on a college radio station and gambling his money on the web. Howard told him he should have been out of college radio when he was 22 years old.
Slober told Howard that he gets a lot of CDs from record companies while working that job so he goes and trades them in for money. That led to more goofing on him for trading them in for cash. Howard told him he's more in the record business than he is in the radio station business if that's what he's doing to make money. He told the guy to stay in the business if he can make that kind of money. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said that he's been on Ferrall's show but he's on a little late for him. Robin said the same thing. She also told Howard that she's been busy working on this movie for the Howard Stern Film Festival and she's got some editing to do over the next few days.
There was some discussion about Bubba using a shock collar on Sal to let him get in on Robin's party. Howard said that someone on the Superfan Roundtable suggested that Sal has to take Siobhan's virginity to get in on the party. That led to Gary coming in and telling Howard that since Siobhan came in and rode the Sybian, no one will touch it. All of the guys have refused to touch that rubber piece that Siobhan used. Gary said he's told Sal that he's not allowed to sniff the other rubber pieces if he doesn't pick that one up and get it off the machine.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who wanted to know the dress code for the Film Festival. Howard said that he's going to be wearing a tux but told King that a suit is okay. Artie said he'll be wearing a suit jacket because he doesn't have a tux. Richard Christy came in and said that he he'll be wearing a tux. Benjy will also be wearing one. Benjy said it was kind of embarrassing to get measured for the tux because they had to have a team of people measure him while Richard only had one guy measuring him.
Richard said that Benjy was so sweaty that he was sweating on the guy who was measuring him. King interrupted and said that he heard Lisa G on Jay Thomas' show. He said that Jay was ragging on Howard and he thought it was a bit of jealousy on Jay's part. King said that Jay was asking her if her job there at Howard 100 News was a step down for her. Howard said he doesn't care about that because things are going so well there at SIRIUS.
Gary said that King wanted to talk to Howard about something but he's not going to get a meeting there. King asked Howard what the status of his radio show is. Howard told him he wasn't good at hosting a show so he should calm down with that. King said that he got an article in the daily news about his show.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he'll be wearing a tux to the film festival. Howard didn't keep him on for long, he hung up on him and took a call from Bong Hit Bill who asked him who he thinks will win Survivor. Howard said he likes that guy Terry. He also talked about the guy who had to be taken off the show because he wasn't able to take a dump. He said that it seems like they're eventually going to kill someone on that show. He talked about how they had to helicopter the guy out of there.
Howard said that they're eventually going to have to kill someone on the show to keep the show fresh. Gary said that the chick who was singing to that guy was really annoying. Howard said the guy was in real pain and the chick was singing to him.
Howard wonders if the people who are subscribing for Opie and Anthony will stop subscribing when they figure out that they can get the show for free. He said that they're supposed to go on and do a 3 hour show on CBS and then go do a 2 hour show on XM. He's sure the show will be an hour bashing him on the air and he's not sure why they're so consumed with him.
Howard said that he wouldn't want to deal with the vultures over at CBS at all and he wishes them luck over there just like he wished David Lee Roth luck when he took over for him. He said that he hopes things work out well for them, he doesn't know what they want from him. He said that if they give a salute to him when they do Lesbian Dating Game, that's fine with him. He's doing his thing on SIRIUS and that's it.
Howard said that Steve Langford from Howard 100 News went over to interview David Lee Roth again and this seems to be turning Dave cool again. He played some audio from the interview where Roth talked about his demise. Roth said that they haven't even talked to him about replacing him yet. Langford said that he was telling Dave the news that the weasels at CBS wouldn't even give him. In the report Roth claims that he's had discussions with Howard's lawyer, Peter Parcher, about what he might do if CBS doesn't pay him for his contract.
Steve Langford also wondered if Opie and Anthony would be able to plug their XM show on regular radio since they're suing Howard Stern for plugging a competitor on their airwaves. After hearing all of this Howard and Artie were talking about teaming up Langford and David Lee Roth because they make some good interviews. At one point in the interview there was a quick performance from Dave where he was singing to Langford. Roth says that his first stop after getting fired will be on The Howard Stern Show. Howard said he may just show up on the show today for all he knows. Artie said he's hoping that this all helps get a Van Halen reunion going.
Howard said he had to take a break but he had a bunch of things to play for everyone. He decided to play one clip of Sal calling in and leaving a message for Gary saying that he was going to be in a little late this morning. He was at the hospital since 11 last night because his son had a splinter in his foot and it was infected.
Howard tried to pick up a call from Double A because he was apparently pissed. He wasn't there when he picked up the call so he took a call from Bobo instead. Bobo said that he was on the Superfan Roundtable last night and it was a great one with both Howard and Fred calling in. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had the guy, George, on the phone to talk about this whole thing. He asked George if he would take some fingers up his ass. George said he might do it depending on how far up there they'd go. He said that he would do it to get on the show and to win the TV though. Robin wondered why the TV was that important to him. Howard said he'd rather buy a small black and white TV before he'd do something like that.
Benjy suggested that they fist this guy for an hour. George said that he's willing to take a load on his face too so Benjy said there has to be something else that they can do to him that would be wilder. Howard told George that they'll put this on file and keep it in mind for when they do give away the TV.
Artie asked the guy if they could put a grenade filled with jizz in his ass. George just laughed. Someone also suggested that they turn him into an ass bong and smoke weed from his ass. That came from Bubba's show so Howard spent a short time talking about that. He said that he was asking Sal and Richard if they'd be willing to do that ass bong thing but Richard said he doesn't smoke weed. He's willing to do it if they use tobacco though. Howard said he likes how it was the weed that was the problem.
George said he would do whatever it took to get that TV or to get cash instead. Howard asked him if he has any children. He said he has a 10 year old and a 14 year old he just found out about. He didn't know he had the 14 year old until just recently. Howard let the guy go a short time later.
Howard said that they had one more gay thing to consider. High Pitch Eric was going to be blowing his load on someone and he couldn't remember who it was. Gary reminded him that it's this guy who wants Film Festival tickets. Howard said that Will called Eric to discuss that so he played some audio of that call. Will talks to Eric about what he'll have to do and Eric had no problem with getting aroused and blowing his load on the guy's chest. Will asked him not to jerk off and to save his huge load for the guy. Artie wondered if Eric is retarded or something because he will just do anything without question.
Howard said they have three new songs with the Mike Walker fart in them. He explained that they got the fart when Mike was off the air waiting to come on. He ripped the fart thinking he was off the air and they've taken the fart and put it to music. One of the latest songs is a Nine Inch Nails song with the fart. They also put it to ''The Stroke'' and a couple of other songs. Artie was laughing his ass off when he heard The Stroke version with the fart included. He asked Richard to put it on CD for him.
Howard played the latest voice mail from Crazy Alice who went off on Robin again. She gets pissed off very easily.
Howard took a call from a guy up in Boston who said that he tuned into David Lee Roth's show this morning and he was giving a goodbye speech and he was feeling kind of bad for the guy. Howard said it's kind of like what was done to Chevy Chase when his show failed. They were talking about firing the guy two days in and it could destroy the guy's life. The caller said he's not a fan of Dave's show but he felt bad when he tuned in this morning.
Howard said that the crazy part of the whole thing is that radio is changing so much since he left and went to satellite. Now CBS is going to let Opie and Anthony go on and talk about satellite radio while they're suing him over talking about SIRIUS. The caller said that Dave should have just walked away from the whole thing but Howard told him that he can't just walk away, he had a contract.
Howard said that Dave doesn't need to work but he feels bad for him that he's getting screwed over by CBS. This will be fantastic for Opie and Anthony because they were dead in the water. He said that they're going over to a sea of vipers at CBS though. Howard said he has no ''spin'' on the whole story like they think he will. He said he just wants to be left alone and do his thing at SIRIUS. He's not looking for a battle, he just wants to do the show for the people who want to hear his show.
The caller asked Artie if he's coming to Boston. Artie said that he'll be up there in the summer to promote his new movie ''Beer League'' which will be out on August 11th. Artie didn't want to talk about the gig too much because he thought it might be boring for the audience. That led to the guys goofing on him about falling asleep in the creative meeting yesterday. His eyes were rolling back in his head during the meeting. They had to go to break a short time later.
Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com) showed up at the studio to come on the air. Howard said that they asked him if he was afraid of getting fired if he came on the show. Kidd said he didn't care but when he came in he said he does care, but he didn't tell anyone he was coming on the air.
Kidd is doing afternoons on WYSP in Philly now and he told Howard he doesn't want to do mornings. Howard said he's surprised that no one will put anything up against Kidd's show. Kidd said that he just wants to do a good job on his show but it's kind of tough sometimes. Howard said that Kidd is now up against what he had to deal with when he was on K-Rock. They keep eating away at the show by taking away stuff he used to say on the show. Kidd was doing a show out in Texas and he could do just about anything he wanted. Now he's on a big station in Philly and he can't do the stuff he used to.
Howard said that CBS isn't fighting the FCC about fines and stuff so that doesn't help them out at all. Howard said he's so happy there on satellite and he's doing the show he wants to do now. He doesn't care about what's going on with terrestrial radio now. Robin reminded Howard about the way he used to call people douche bags when he started on NBC. Howard said that he had to fight to use douche bag and scum bag on the air. When you use it, you're talking to the audience like they speak and they love it. Then the FCC starts to come down on the company you're working for and they start censoring you and then you start to censor yourself. Kidd said that's what he does now because he's so paranoid.
Howard also talked about the days when everyone else on radio could say the word 'asshole' but he wasn't allowed to. Then the day came when he decided to avoid talking about certain subjects because he knew that it would get chopped up. Artie said that the whole asshole thing was really ridiculous because it's like giving the audience a gun and giving Howard a pencil to fight with.
Howard said he knows that Chris wanted to make a name for himself in terrestrial radio and he respects that because it's tough. He said it's hard to be funny if you can't even say douche bag or scum bag. Kidd said that the rules are changing all the time and the audience notices that stuff. He said he has to tell the audience what's being taken away and that clues them into the funny stuff that's being taken away.
Howard told Chris to go ahead and say a few dirty words. Kidd said ''fuck'' and then asked Howard if they could run his show on satellite and add in some curse words to make it funnier instead of doing what Opie and Anthony will be doing where they'll be bleeping their stuff.
Chris said he doesn't really get into the nude stuff on his show but the prank calls and the ''dick face'' things are gone from his show. He said it's tough to do a good job when they take that kind of stuff away from him. Howard said that happened to him when he was starting out as well, they took everything away from him and made him play records. Kidd said that he sometimes wishes he could go back to playing records when they take away all of the stuff he does.
Howard said he really believes in satellite radio and he feels that it's the future. He told Chris that it's so great to be there. He didn't want to rub it in his face but he had to let him know how he was feeling. Artie said that it's great to be able to curse and stuff on the show now. Howard told Chris about being on Bubba's show yesterday when they had a doctor checking his ass. They could never do that on terrestrial radio.
Howard told Chris he should take a tour of SIRIUS while he's there. Everything is great there. Chris said he has to head back to Philly to do his show at 3 today. Chris said that the last time he spoke to Howard was a few months ago and Howard just said that he had watched Star Wars and he was going out with Beth. He didn't ask him how he was doing or anything like that.
Howard asked Chris if he wanted to stay around a while to see this chick he had coming in. He was going to rub his face in it a little more and show him what he can do on satellite. Howard asked Chris why they're firing David Lee Roth while Adam Carolla and Rover aren't doing that well in the ratings themselves. Chris said Rover is actually a nice guy but he's not sure what's up with that. Chris filled in for Dave when he was out for a few days a couple of weeks ago but he doesn't want to do mornings.
Howard said that if CBS doesn't pay David Lee Roth, every CBS radio guy should walk out and strike because they could pull the same crap with any of the other Deejays.
Howard interrupted and took a call from a guy who said that he has a glass eye and he would be willing to get skull fucked by Sal or Richard to win tickets to the film festival. Sal said that he was in and he would do it. Howard told the guy to get down there as soon as possible. The guy said he could be there on Monday morning. Howard told him to be there. The guy said he was a big fan so Artie said that he's pretty sure that they knew he was a big fan as soon as he made that offer. He also said that he thinks that the guy is full of it and if he actually shows up on Monday it will be amazing.
Howard asked Chris if he's even allowed to say ''skull sex'' on the air. Chris isn't sure. Howard asked him if he's been in meetings with lawyers there at WYSP. Chris said he's had about 3 meetings so far. Artie said that he was out in California recently and he used to listen to a great station out there that played some great classic rock. That station was turned into a Jack FM station and now it sucks.
Chris was telling Howard that he has to have an editor for his show so he has an out if something gets out on the air. Howard said that's what he talked to Chris about a few weeks ago, he told him that he should tell the company he doesn't understand the rules and they need to have someone sitting on the button ready to hit the dump if he says something the company doesn't want on the air. Chris said that's what he needs over there but he doesn't have it right now.
Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about the Opie and Anthony thing and how that might be working. Howard thinks that CBS has to pay XM for the show. He's even thinking that XM could become a free service some day. They'll keep giving up their exclusive content to terrestrial radio and people won't have to subscribe anymore. Howard said that CBS should be fighting the FCC instead of cutting up the shows and firing their deejays.
Howard said he has this chick waiting to come in, Crystal Clear, who is only 19 years old and has banged over 200 guys already. She's going to be doing a gang bang where she bangs a bunch of guys over the age of 50 and she warmed up yesterday by banging a 51 year old. Howard said that he still doesn't have grey pubes like some 50 year olds do. Artie said he has them down there and so does Kidd Chris. Artie said he looks like Steve Martin down there.
Gary said that Crystal doesn't seem like she's 19 but her license shows that she is. Howard had to take a break before they brought Crystal in but he also wanted to play some stuff for Chris. He had the phone call that Sal made to Jessica Hahn where they had phone sex so he quickly played that for Chris.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who said that the show is so much better when guests are relaxed enough to just talk the way they want. He was also talking about how great the music channels are there. Howard said that's true because he's even listening to the Spa channel. Jessica Hahn called in a short time later and told Howard that she did that call with Sal to cheer him up. She wouldn't do that with just anyone. She likes Sal and felt bad for him so she had the phone sex with him.
Howard wanted to tell a story about Artie so Gary came in to set the record straight. He said he didn't want the company to think that they're not team players. Before he could tell the story Fred played a Baba Booey song parody. Gary then said that he and Artie were asked how much money they get for appearances. They gave their numbers and then found out that it's a SIRIUS event, not a car show event. Gary said that they're basically going to be doing the event for free.
That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie is making an appearance there and had his picture taken so he'd have something to sign there. Ronnie came in and said that he will be signing copies of the pictures. He'll talk to the people as well. Howard said this is Ronnie's dream to be making an appearance like this. He kicked Ronnie out of the studio and had Lisa finish up her preview.
Lisa said that they have a new sign up over Scott's studio that reads ''Black Cloud Diner'' because people eat in his studio. They'll also be talking about the staff's favorite sex positions. Howard said that his is doggy style. Robin said she prefers missionary. That got the guys talking about some of the other things they've done sexually. Howard wrapped up with Lisa after that and went to commercial break.
Crystal said that she grew up in Montreal but ended up getting locked up for 7 years in a few places for kids who are out of control. She just got out about a year ago. Artie said that she looks to be about 12 years old. Gary read that she was fired from a job for sleeping with four of her supervisors. She said that the head guy fired her, not one of the four guy she was with.
Crystal said that she's adopted and her mother sent her away to the places she was at to keep her straight. She said she used to cut herself and had some other problems that led to her going into those centers. She was having sex early. She said that she and a cousin used to eat each other out at the age of 9. She said that they weren't really related because she's adopted.
Howard asked Crystal if she told her shrink all of this stuff. She didn't even know what ''shrink'' meant. She said that she did tell her therapists about it. She was only 12 years old when she got locked up for the first time. She was doing the chicks in the center and she had a sign up list for that on her door. Howard asked where that sign up sheet was when he was in high school. Crystal claims that she messed around with one of the female workers who worked at the center she was in.
Crystal said that her mother would visit her but she wouldn't call or write to her at all. She didn't get any Christmas gifts either. Crystal said that her biological mother died from HIV and she's a miracle baby because she actually came through without the HIV. She said she's very careful with testing the guys she's with.
Crystal said that you can check out her gang bang at www.OldestGangBang.com. She'll be doing a bunch of guys who are over the age of 60 years old. She said she just wants to do something different so that's why she's banging all of these old guys. Gary said that she's also into ''water sports'' in her porn movies. Crystal said that if she's getting paid she has no problem doing that stuff, that's what soap is for.
Artie was telling Crystal that she can get sick from doing stuff like that. She said that she would have to get paid about $2 million to get a dump taken on her. Gary said that she told them that it was only $2,000 in their notes and Sal was trying to raise the money so he could do that.
Gary read that Crystal won't do anal but she'll do all of that other stuff. Howard read that she lost her virginity to a guy who was 21 years old so she's always with older guys. Crystal said that she was talking to Dr. Drew on Love Lines one time and he told her that she's got father issues and that's why she's with older guys.
Crystal said that her family is actually supporting her in all of this. At first it was kind of tough. She tried to do some stripping for a while and her 41 year old boyfriend helped her out by throwing money at her on stage. She said that he had to leave early because he had a curfew at the recovery house that they were both staying at.
Howard asked Chris if he would bang this chick. Chris said he would and Howard said that she's pretty hot. Crystal told the guys that she got her name from her eyes because they change color from a white color to a blue color sometimes. Howard doesn't like the name and told her to change it to Cindy Brady or ''Lil Snatch'' or something like that.
Howard said he heard that they were playing a game with Crystal out in the hall and she was telling them who she would bang. He wanted to bring in the guys from the office so they could find out if Crystal would do them. Gary said that Sal started it and brought in Ronnie the Limo Driver and Bob Levy and she was saying she would do Bob before she would do Ronnie. It turns out that Levy is actually 2 years younger than Gary and no one believed that.
Ronnie said that Crystal said that she was going to charge $900 for 45 minutes but she said that wasn't true. For Bob she would only charge $600 for 45 minutes. Howard asked Crystal if she's good in the sack. She didn't know what sack meant so Howard had to fill her in on that. He figures that she must be really good in bed. Howard asked Crystal how much she would charge to do Kidd Chris. She said that he's even younger than her boyfriend. She didn't give a number.
They brought in Tim Sabean next and she said that she'd charge $1,500 for 45 minutes for him. She was also saying that anyone over the age of 60 who want to fuck her can do it for free for her movie. She said that people can find out more about that at www.OldestGangBang.com.
Howard asked Crystal if she was ever molested as a child. She said she was molested by her neighbor when she was 10 years old. She was playing in the back yard and the guy just grabbed her and banged her. She said that she told her mother the next day but her mother didn't believe her. Howard said he feels bad for her when he hears that. He thought about having her ride the Sybian but he felt so bad for her that he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. He wished that she had come in and told them a fake story about her life being great.
Sal came in and asked her how much it would cost to shove his shoe in her cunt. He then asked her what he could get for ten bucks. She said she'd give him a kiss for free. She told him to get lost when he brought down the amount to five bucks. She was insulted by the offer. Sal stuck his foot in her face and told her to suck his toe for ten bucks. She told him to get lost with that as well. She did agree to kiss his ass for the ten bucks though. Sal tried to push out a fart as she did it. Sal told her that he appreciated it and then called her a slut.
Howard asked her what she would do for $100 for Artie. She said that he was talking too much shit with her. Artie showed her his platinum card and ended up making her almost cry when he made a comment about his Devil Dog and how she's used to black things with white cream coming out of them. She got very upset and said that Artie is very cold. He apologized to her and Ronnie said that he really is cold. Artie told him to stop because he was going to ruin the bit.
Howard said he was feeling kind of protective of this girl and when a caller told him to get her on the Sybian, he refused to do it. Bob wanted him to put her on there with a big lollipop in her hand. Howard went around the room and asked the guys if they thought she should ride the Sybian. Most of the guys said yes but Robin and Howard said that she shouldn't do it. She said that she would have done it if Artie hadn't gone off on her. They had Artie out in another room pretending to be her director Rob and she believed it so he told her to get on the thing. She really thought it was her director so she agreed to get on it.
Howard let Crystal get on the Sybian even though she didn't want to stick anything inside of her. Howard didn't want to see what was going on but he did adjust his chair to see what was going on. She said that she was doing this for Rob but it was actually Artie who was playing Rob on the phone. Gary gave her about 20 percent and she hopped off because she was afraid she was going to get wet in her panties and she didn't have an extra pair with her.
Howard had Gary jack it up to 40 percent or so. She hopped off again because she was afraid she was going to cum. That was the whole idea but she apparently didn't realize it. Howard told the guys to get ''Rob'' back on the phone so he could tell her to stay on the thing. Artie got back on the line a short time later and told her to not to come home with out the ribs that Gary was going to give her as a prize for riding the machine. ''Rob'' told her to do it for him.
Howard asked Crystal to do the Sybian again but she said that maybe she'll do it next time. She said she may buy one for herself, film it and then send it to Howard. Howard gave up on that idea and wrapped up with Crystal. He gave her another plug for her web site www.OldestGangBang.com. Then Artie came back in and upset Crystal again. She said that she was offended because her brothers and sisters are black and so is her boyfriend. She told Artie that he's a sick man. Ronnie said he likes this girl after she said all of that.
Crystal was very upset so Howard tried to straighten things out with her. She didn't like the racist comments so Robin explained to her that they were just joking around. Howard told her that they were all different races, Howard said he's Mexican, Gary is Arab, Robin is black... Crystal was upset with Artie the most, she didn't like the way he was talking about her family. Howard said he didn't want her to go away unhappy. He gave her the Carson's Ribs prize that Gary had mentioned earlier and hoped that would help. Bob told her that he has black friends because he plays golf and they carry his bag.
Crystal said that she has to deal with a lot of racist people because she's dating a black man. She said that her parents even used to make racist comments to her boyfriend. Artie told her that he had sex with an African American girl one time... it was the best fifty bucks he's ever spent. He also warned her not to watch a Knicks game with Levy if she dislikes racism.
Crystal made a comment about how the Jews get a lot of presents around their holidays so Artie and Levy made some comments about how that was racist and she walked out. Artie said she may have been the greatest guest they've ever had. Howard gave her another plug even though she had walked out of the studio. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who thought it was funny that Artie was playing the part of Rob who wasn't a black guy but that's what he sounded like. Another guy said that was the best roast yet and the girl sounded so young and so clueless. Kidd Chris said that's how they get her to do a gang bang.
Gary came in and said that this is a huge train wreck. Howard wanted to get her back in there but Gary said that her boyfriend is mad at her for waking him up. They got the boyfriend on the line a short time later. He didn't know what had just gone on. He told Howard she'll be alright. Crystal came back in and asked him what he told her before off the air. He said that someone like that guy who was joking with her can eat a bowl of dicks.
Howard thanked Crystal for coming in and asked her if she's okay. She said she's fine so Howard told her to be careful with that porn business. Artie told her that he's going to go eat a bowl of dicks and he did an impression of the boyfriend as he said it. She was telling Artie about where her boyfriend was from but she was off mic so no one could hear her on the air. Artie said he heard her and apologized to her until she left... Then he made the bowl of dicks comment again.
Mike said that he won't be able to make it to New York for the Film Festival next week because he's very busy. He's working on his Podcast and other things. He said that if you look at the stuff on iTunes, you'll see that there are people out there like Bill Maher who are doing podcasts so it's taking off. Howard said he thought about doing one but then figured he'd just yell out his apartment window instead.
Howard played a couple of the Mike Walker fart song parodies and then had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes...Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Robin mentioned a story in the news about how Mick Jagger is supposed to be starring in a new TV show. That led to Artie telling a story about how he was offered a role in that TV show but the lead role was supposed to be Jeff Goldblum, not Mick Jagger. The name of the show was supposed to be ''I Wanna Rob Jeff Goldblum'' and he turned it down because he didn't care about meeting Jeff Goldblum but now he's thinking that he would have taken the part just to meet Mick Jagger. The guys spent a few minutes talking about what a horrible actor Mick Jagger is and how he has no business being an actor.
Howard played the interview he did get with Dave which lasted about 50 seconds. Dave told Steve that it was a huge disappointment and it was beyond distressing. He said that he will do radio again even though his options are small. He said he got canned about 20 minutes before the hour. He hasn't seen anyone over there for weeks anyway so it wasn't a surprise.
Howard said that this is insane. They walked in during Dave's show and fired him while he was on the air? Steve said that he was listening and after he went to a commercial break, they played song after song after song. That was it for Dave, now he's gone. Howard said that's really not cool because they wrecked the guy. It's absurd that they did that to the guy.
Howard said that maybe Mark Chernoff had to fire the guy and goofed on him a little bit since he's worked with him in the past. Steve said that Dave will usually talk to him but not today. Howard figures that's because the guy was really bummed out about it. Steve said that there were a few security guys with Dave when he came out today instead of just one.
Howard said that firing the guy during his show is really mean. They could have just called him and told him not to come into work. It was obvious that they were going to fire him this week. Robin and Howard remembered the day when they were fired from NBC. They didn't go on the air that day, they went into work, got fired and then left. Gary was there that day and remembered some of the details that Robin and Howard didn't remember.
Howard said that Steve has gotten the big story this morning so he wondered if he has to go do some lame reports back in the news room. Steve said that the only reason Dave talks to him is because he loves Howard. Howard let Steve go and said you can hear more about this story on Howard 100 News at Noon and 6pm.
Kidd Chris said that he has to drive into work and hear about this stuff when he gets there. Howard wondered if they're going to have a problem with him when he goes back to work. Kidd doesn't think he did anything wrong, he just wants to do his show. Howard said that CBS' radio division is a mess right now so they're doing whatever they can at this point.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.